,,html version by ,al ,haines           
,,desiderius ,,erasmus                  
,,the ,,praise ,,of ,,folly             
,translated by ,john ,wilson            
#affh                                   
,,erasmus ,,of ,,rotterdam              
to his friend                           
,,thomas ,,more1 health3   ,as ,i was   
coming awhile since out of ,italy for   
,england1 that ,i might not waste all   
that time ,i was to sit on horseback in 
foolish and illiterate fables1 ,i chose 
rather one while to revolve with myself 
something of our common studies1 and    
other while to enjoy the remembrance of 
my friends1 of whom ,i left here some no
 less learned than pleasant4 ,among     
these you1 my ,more1 came first in my   
mind1 whose memory1 though absent       
yourself1 gives me such delight in my   
absence1 as when present with you ,i    
ever found in your company2 than which1 
let me perish if in all my life ,i ever 
met with anything more delectable4 ,and 
therefore1 being satisfied that         

something was to be done1 and that that 
time was no wise proper for any serious 
matter1 ,i resolved to make some sport  
with the praise of folly4 ,but who the  
devil put that in your head8 you'll say4
 ,the first thing was your surname of   
,more1 which comes so near the word     
,moriae 7folly7 as you are far from the 
thing4 ,and that you are so1 all the    
world will clear you4 ,in the next      
place1 ,i conceived this exercise of wit
 would not be least approved by you2    
inasmuch as you are wont to be delighted
 with such kind of mirth1 that is to    
say1 neither unlearned1 if ,i am not    
mistaken1 nor altogether insipid1 and in
 the whole course of your life have     
played the part of a ,democritus4 ,and  
though such is the excellence of your   
judgment that it was ever contrary to   
that of the people's1 yet such is your  
incredible affability and sweetness of  
temper that you both can and delight to 
carry yourself to all men a man of all  
hours4 ,wherefore you will not only with

 good will accept this small            
declamation1 but take upon you the      
defense of it1 for as much as being     
dedicated to you1 it is now no longer   
mine but yours4 ,but perhaps there will 
not be wanting some wranglers that may  
cavil and charge me1 partly that these  
toys are lighter than may become a      
divine1 and partly more biting than may 
beseem the modesty of a ,christian1 and 
consequently exclaim that ,i resemble   
the ancient comedy1 or another ,lucian1 
and snarl at everything4 ,but ,i would  
have them whom the lightness or foolery 
of the argument may offend to consider  
that mine is not the first of this kind1
 but the same thing that has been often 
practiced even by great authors3 when   
,homer1 so many ages since1 did the like
 with the battle of frogs and mice2     
,virgil1 with the gnat and puddings2    
,ovid1 with the nut2 when ,polycrates   
and his corrector ,isocrates extolled   
tyranny2 ,glauco1 injustice2 ,favorinus1
 deformity and the quartan ague2        

,synescius1 baldness2 ,lucian1 the fly  
and flattery2 when ,seneca made such    
sport with ,claudius' canonizations2    
,plutarch1 with his dialogue between    
,ulysses and ,gryllus2 ,lucian and      
,apuleius1 with the ass2 and some other1
 ,i know not who1 with the hog that made
 his last will and testament1 of which  
also even ,st4 ,jerome makes mention4   
,and therefore if they please1 let them 
suppose ,i played at tables for my      
diversion1 or if they had rather have it
 so1 that ,i rode on a hobbyhorse4 ,for 
what injustice is it that when we allow 
every course of life its recreation1    
that study only should have none8       
,especially when such toys are not      
without their serious matter1 and       
foolery is so handled that the reader   
that is not altogether thick-skulled may
 reap more benefit from it than from    
some men's crabbish and specious        
arguments4 ,as when one1 with long study
 and great pains1 patches many pieces   
together on the praise of rhetoric or   

philosophy2 another makes a panegyric to
 a prince2 another encourages him to a  
war against the ,turks2 another tells   
you what will become of the world after 
himself is dead2 and another finds out  
some new device for the better ordering 
of goat's wool3 for as nothing is more  
trifling than to treat of serious       
matters triflingly1 so nothing carries a
 better grace than so to discourse of   
trifles as a man may seem to have       
intended them least4 ,for my own part1  
let other men judge of what ,i have     
written2 though yet1 unless an          
overweening opinion of myself may have  
made me blind in my own cause1 ,i have  
praised folly1 but not altogether       
foolishly4 ,and now to say somewhat to  
that other cavil1 of biting4 ,this      
liberty was ever permitted to all men's 
wits1 to make their smart1 witty        
reflections on the common errors of     
mankind1 and that too without offense1  
as long as this liberty does not run    
into licentiousness2 which makes me the 

more admire the tender ears of the men  
of this age1 that can away with solemn  
titles4 ,no1 you'll meet with some so   
preposterously religious that they will 
sooner endure the broadest scoffs even  
against ,christ himself than hear the   
,pope or a prince be touched in the     
least1 especially if it be anything that
 concerns their profit2 whereas he that 
so taxes the lives of men1 without      
naming anyone in particular1 whither1 ,i
 pray1 may he be said to bite1 or rather
 to teach and admonish8 ,or otherwise1  
,i beseech you1 under how many notions  
do ,i tax myself8 ,besides1 he that     
spares no sort of men cannot be said to 
be angry with anyone in particular1 but 
the vices of all4 ,and therefore1 if    
there shall happen to be anyone that    
shall say he is hit1 he will but        
discover either his guilt or fear4      
,saint ,jerome sported in this kind with
 more freedom and greater sharpness1 not
 sparing sometimes men's very name4 ,but
 ,i1 besides that ,i have wholly avoided

 it1 ,i have so moderated my style that 
the understanding reader will easily    
perceive my endeavors herein were rather
 to make mirth than bite4 ,nor have ,i1 
after the example of ,juvenal1 raked up 
that forgotten sink of filth and        
ribaldry1 but laid before you things    
rather ridiculous than dishonest4 ,and  
now1 if there be anyone that is yet     
dissatisfied1 let him at least remember 
that it is no dishonor to be            
discommended by ,folly2 and having      
brought her in speaking1 it was but fit 
that ,i kept up the character of the    
person4 ,but why do ,i run over these   
things to you1 a person so excellent an 
advocate that no man better defends his 
client1 though the cause many times be  
none of the best8 ,farewell1 my best    
disputant ,more1 and stoutly defend your
 ,moriae4  ,from the country1 the #eth  
of the ,ides of ,june4                  
,,the ,,praise ,,of ,,folly             
,an oration1 of feigned matter1         
spoken by ,folly in her own person   ,at

 what rate soever the world talks of me 
7for ,i am not ignorant what an ill     
report ,folly has got1 even among the   
most foolish71 yet that ,i am that she1 
that only she1 whose deity recreates    
both gods and men1 even this is a       
sufficient argument1 that ,i no sooner  
stepped up to speak to this full        
assembly than all your faces put on a   
kind of new and unwonted pleasantness4  
,so suddenly have you cleared your      
brows1 and with so frolic and hearty a  
laughter given me your applause1 that in
 truth as many of you as ,i behold on   
every side of me seem to me no less than
 ,homer's gods drunk with nectar and    
nepenthe2 whereas before1 you sat as    
lumpish and pensive as if you had come  
from consulting an oracle4 ,and as it   
usually happens when the sun begins to  
show his beams1 or when after a sharp   
winter the spring breathes afresh on the
 earth1 all things immediately get a new
 face1 new color1 and recover as it were
 a certain kind of youth again3 in like 

manner1 by but beholding me you have in 
an instant gotten another kind of       
countenance2 and so what the otherwise  
great rhetoricians with their tedious   
and long-studied orations can hardly    
effect1 to wit1 to remove the trouble of
 the mind1 ,i have done it at once with 
my single look4  ,but if you ask me why 
,i appear before you in this strange    
dress1 be pleased to lend me your ears1 
and ,i'll tell you2 not those ears1 ,i  
mean1 you carry to church1 but abroad   
with you1 such as you are wont to prick 
up to jugglers1 fools1 and buffoons1 and
 such as our friend ,midas once gave to 
,pan4 ,for ,i am disposed awhile to play
 the sophist with you2 not of their sort
 who nowadays boozle young men's heads  
with certain empty notions and curious  
trifles1 yet teach them nothing but a   
more than womanish obstinacy of         
scolding3 but ,i'll imitate those       
ancients who1 that they might the better
 avoid that infamous appellation of     
sophi or wise1 chose rather to be called

 sophists4 ,their business was to       
celebrate the praises of the gods and   
valiant men4 ,and the like encomium     
shall you hear from me1 but neither of  
,hercules nor ,solon1 but my own dear   
self1 that is to say1 ,folly4 ,nor do ,i
 esteem a rush that call it a foolish   
and insolent thing to praise one's self4
 ,be it as foolish as they would make   
it1 so they confess it proper3 and what 
can be more than that ,folly be her own 
trumpet8 ,for who can set me out better 
than myself1 unless perhaps ,i could be 
better known to another than to myself8 
,though yet ,i think it somewhat more   
modest than the general practice of our 
nobles and wise men who1 throwing away  
all shame1 hire some flattering orator  
or lying poet from whose mouth they may 
hear their praises1 that is to say1 mere
 lies2 and yet1 composing themselves    
with a seeming modesty1 spread out their
 peacock's plumes and erect their       
crests1 while this impudent flatterer   
equals a man of nothing to the gods and 

proposes him as an absolute pattern of  
all virtue that's wholly a stranger to  
it1 sets out a pitiful jay in other's   
feathers1 washes the blackamoor white1  
and lastly swells a gnat to an elephant4
 ,in short1 ,i will follow that old     
proverb that says1 ,he may lawfully     
praise himself that lives far from      
neighbors4 ,though1 by the way1 ,i      
cannot but wonder at the ingratitude1   
shall ,i say1 or negligence of men who1 
notwithstanding they honor me in the    
first place and are willing enough to   
confess my bounty1 yet not one of them  
for these so many ages has there been   
who in some thankful oration has set out
 the praises of ,folly2 when yet there  
has not wanted them whose elaborate     
endeavors have extolled tyrants1 agues1 
flies1 baldness1 and such other pests of
 nature1 to their own loss of both time 
and sleep4 ,and now you shall hear from 
me a plain extemporary speech1 but so   
much the truer4 ,nor would ,i have you  
think it like the rest of orators1 made 

for the ostentation of wit2 for these1  
as you know1 when they have been beating
 their heads some thirty years about an 
oration and at last perhaps produce     
somewhat that was never their own1 shall
 yet swear they composed it in three    
days1 and that too for diversion3       
whereas ,i ever liked it best to speak  
whatever came first out4  ,but let none 
of you expect from me that after the    
manner of rhetoricians ,i should go     
about to define what ,i am1 much less   
use any division2 for ,i hold it equally
 unlucky to circumscribe her whose deity
 is universal1 or make the least        
division in that worship about which    
everything is so generally agreed4 ,or  
to what purpose1 think you1 should ,i   
describe myself when ,i am here present 
before you1 and you behold me speaking8 
,for ,i am1 as you see1 that true and   
only giver of wealth whom the ,greeks   
call ,moria1 the ,latins ,stultitia1 and
 our plain ,english ,folly4 ,or what    
need was there to have said so much1 as 

if my very looks were not sufficient to 
inform you who ,i am8 ,or as if any man1
 mistaking me for wisdom1 could not at  
first sight convince himself by my face 
the true index of my mind8 ,i am no     
counterfeit1 nor do ,i carry one thing  
in my looks and another in my breast4   
,no1 ,i am in every respect so like     
myself that neither can they dissemble  
me who arrogate to themselves the       
appearance and title of wise men and    
walk like asses in scarlet hoods1 though
 after all their hypocrisy ,midas' ears 
will discover their master4 ,a most     
ungrateful generation of men that1 when 
they are wholly given up to my party1   
are yet publicly ashamed of the name1 as
 taking it for a reproach2 for which    
cause1 since in truth they are          
morotatoi1 fools1 and yet would appear  
to the world to be wise men and ,thales1
 we'll even call them morosophous1 wise 
fools4  ,nor will it be amiss also to   
imitate the rhetoricians of our times1  
who think themselves in a manner gods if

 like horse leeches they can but appear 
to be double-tongued1 and believe they  
have done a mighty act if in their      
,latin orations they can but shuffle in 
some ends of ,greek like mosaic work1   
though altogether by head and shoulders 
and less to the purpose4 ,and if they   
want hard words1 they run over some     
worm-eaten manuscript and pick out half 
a dozen of the most old and obsolete to 
confound their reader1 believing1 no    
doubt1 that they that understand their  
meaning will like it the better1 and    
they that do not will admire it the more
 by how much the less they understand   
it4 ,nor is this way of ours of admiring
 what seems most foreign without its    
particular grace2 for if there happen to
 be any more ambitious than others1 they
 may give their applause with a smile1  
and1 like the ass1 shake their ears1    
that they may be thought to understand  
more than the rest of their neighbors4  
,but to come to the purpose3 ,i have    
given you my name1 but what epithet     

shall ,i add8 ,what but that of the most
 foolish8 ,for by what more proper name 
can so great a goddess as ,folly be     
known to her disciples8 ,and because it 
is not alike known to all from what     
stock ,i am sprung1 with the ,muses'    
good leave ,i'll do my endeavor to      
satisfy you4 ,but yet neither the first 
,chaos1 ,orcus1 ,saturn1 or ,japhet1 nor
 any of those threadbare1 musty gods    
were my father1 but ,plutus1 ,riches2   
that only he1 that is1 in spite of      
,hesiod1 ,homer1 nay and ,jupiter       
himself1 divum pater atque hominum rex1 
the father of gods and men1 at whose    
single beck1 as heretofore1 so at       
present1 all things sacred and profane  
are turned topsy-turvy4 ,according to   
whose pleasure war1 peace1 empire1      
counsels1 judgments1 assemblies1        
wedlocks1 bargains1 leagues1 laws1 arts1
 all things light or serious--,i want   
breath--in short1 all the public and    
private business of mankind is governed2
 without whose help all that herd of    

gods of the poets' making1 and those few
 of the better sort of the rest1 either 
would not be at all1 or if they were1   
they would be but such as live at home  
and keep a poor house to themselves4    
,and to whomsoever he's an enemy1 'tis  
not ,pallas herself that can befriend   
him2 as on the contrary he whom he      
favors may lead ,jupiter and his thunder
 in a string4 ,this is my father and in 
him ,i glory4 ,nor did he produce me    
from his brain1 as ,jupiter that sour   
and ill-looked ,pallas2 but of that     
lovely nymph called ,youth1 the most    
beautiful and galliard of all the rest4 
,nor was ,i1 like that limping          
blacksmith1 begot in the sad and irksome
 bonds of matrimony4 ,yet1 mistake me   
not1 'twas not that blind and decrepit  
,plutus in ,aristophanes that got me1   
but such as he was in his full strength 
and pride of youth2 and not that only1  
but at such a time when he had been well
 heated with nectar1 of which he had1 at
 one of the banquets of the gods1 taken 

a dose extraordinary4  ,and as to the   
place of my birth1 forasmuch as nowadays
 that is looked upon as a main point of 
nobility1 it was neither1 like          
,apollo's1 in the floating ,delos1 nor  
,venus-like on the rolling sea1 nor in  
any of blind ,homer's as blind caves3   
but in the ,fortunate ,islands1 where   
all things grew without plowing or      
sowing2 where neither labor1 nor old    
age1 nor disease was ever heard of2 and 
in whose fields neither daffodil1       
mallows1 onions1 beans1 and such        
contemptible things would ever grow1    
but1 on the contrary1 rue1 angelica1    
bugloss1 marjoram1 trefoils1 roses1     
violets1 lilies1 and all the gardens of 
,adonis invite both your sight and your 
smelling4 ,and being thus born1 ,i did  
not begin the world1 as other children  
are wont1 with crying2 but straight     
perched up and smiled on my mother4 ,nor
 do ,i envy to the great ,jupiter the   
goat1 his nurse1 forasmuch as ,i was    
suckled by two jolly nymphs1 to wit1    

,drunkenness1 the daughter of ,bacchus1 
and ,ignorance1 of ,pan4 ,and as for    
such my companions and followers as you 
perceive about me1 if you have a mind to
 know who they are1 you are not like to 
be the wiser for me1 unless it be in    
,greek3 this here1 which you observe    
with that proud cast of her eye1 is     
,philautia1 ,self-love2 she with the    
smiling countenance1 that is ever and   
anon clapping her hands1 is ,kolakia1   
,flattery2 she that looks as if she were
 half asleep is ,lethe1 ,oblivion2 she  
that sits leaning on both elbows with   
her hands clutched together is          
,misoponia1 ,laziness2 she with the     
garland on her head1 and that smells so 
strong of perfumes1 is ,hedone1         
,pleasure2 she with those staring eyes1 
moving here and there1 is ,anoia1       
,madness2 she with the smooth skin and  
full pampered body is ,tryphe1          
,wantonness2 and1 as to the two gods    
that you see with them1 the one is      
,komos1 ,intemperance1 the other        

,negretos hypnos1 ,dead ,sleep4 ,these1 
,i say1 are my household servants1 and  
by their faithful counsels ,i have      
subjected all things to my dominion and 
erected an empire over emperors         
themselves4 ,thus have you had my       
lineage1 education1 and companions4     
,and now1 lest ,i may seem to have taken
 upon me the name of goddess without    
cause1 you shall in the next place      
understand how far my deity extends1 and
 what advantage by it ,i have brought   
both to gods and men4 ,for1 if it was   
not unwisely said by somebody1 that this
 only is to be a god1 to help men2 and  
if they are deservedly enrolled among   
the gods that first brought in corn and 
wine and such other things as are for   
the common good of mankind1 why am not  
,i of right the alpha1 or first1 of all 
the gods8 who being but one1 yet bestow 
all things on all men4 ,for first1 what 
is more sweet or more precious than     
life8 ,and yet from whom can it more    
properly be said to come than from me8  

,for neither the crab-favoured ,pallas' 
spear nor the cloud-gathering ,jupiter's
 shield either beget or propagate       
mankind2 but even he himself1 the father
 of gods and king of men at whose very  
beck the heavens shake1 must lay by his 
forked thunder and those looks wherewith
 he conquered the giants and with which 
at pleasure he frightens the rest of the
 gods1 and like a common stage player   
put on a disguise as often as he goes   
about that1 which now and then he does1 
that is to say the getting of children3 
,and the ,stoics too1 that conceive     
themselves next to the gods1 yet show me
 one of them1 nay the veriest bigot of  
the sect1 and if he do not put off his  
beard1 the badge of wisdom1 though yet  
it be no more than what is common with  
him and goats2 yet at least he must lay 
by his supercilious gravity1 smooth his 
forehead1 shake off his rigid           
principles1 and for some time commit an 
act of folly and dotage4 ,in fine1 that 
wise man whoever he be1 if he intends to

 have children1 must have recourse to   
me4 ,but tell me1 ,i beseech you1 what  
man is that would submit his neck to the
 noose of wedlock1 if1 as wise men      
should1 he did but first truly weigh the
 inconvenience of the thing8 ,or what   
woman is there would ever go to it did  
she seriously consider either the peril 
of child-bearing or the trouble of      
bringing them up8 ,so then1 if you owe  
your beings to wedlock1 you owe that    
wedlock to this my follower1 ,madness2  
and what you owe to me ,i have already  
told you4 ,again1 she that has but once 
tried what it is1 would she1 do you     
think1 make a second venture if it were 
not for my other companion1 ,oblivion8  
,nay1 even ,venus herself1              
notwithstanding whatever ,lucretius has 
said1 would not deny but that all her   
virtue were lame and fruitless without  
the help of my deity4 ,for out of that  
little1 odd1 ridiculous ,may-game came  
the supercilious philosophers1 in whose 
room have succeeded a kind of people the

 world calls monks1 cardinals1 priests1 
and the most holy popes4 ,and lastly1   
all that rabble of the poets' gods1 with
 which heaven is so thwacked and        
thronged1 that though it be of so vast  
an extent1 they are hardly able to crowd
 one by another4  ,but ,i think it is a 
small matter that you thus owe your     
beginning of life to me1 unless ,i also 
show you that whatever benefit you      
receive in the progress of it is of my  
gift likewise4 ,for what other is this8 
,can that be called life where you take 
away pleasure8 ,oh6 ,do you like what ,i
 say8 ,i knew none of you could have so 
little wit1 or so much folly1 or wisdom 
rather1 as to be of any other opinion4  
,for even the ,stoics themselves that so
 severely cried down pleasure did but   
handsomely dissemble1 and railed against
 it to the common people to no other end
 but that having discouraged them from  
it1 they might the more plentifully     
enjoy it themselves4 ,but tell me1 by   
,jupiter1 what part of man's life is    

that that is not sad1 crabbed1          
unpleasant1 insipid1 troublesome1 unless
 it be seasoned with pleasure1 that is  
to say1 folly8 ,for the proof of which  
the never sufficiently praised          
,sophocles in that his happy elegy of   
us1 ,to know nothing is the only        
happiness1 might be authority enough1   
but that ,i intend to take every        
particular by itself4  ,and first1 who  
knows not but a man's infancy is the    
merriest part of life to himself1 and   
most acceptable to others8 ,for what is 
that in them which we kiss1 embrace1    
cherish1 nay enemies succor1 but this   
witchcraft of folly1 which wise ,nature 
did of purpose give them into the world 
with them that they might the more      
pleasantly pass over the toil of        
education1 and as it were flatter the   
care and diligence of their nurses8 ,and
 then for youth1 which is in such       
reputation everywhere1 how do all men   
favor it1 study to advance it1 and lend 
it their helping hand8 ,and whence1 ,i  

pray1 all this grace8 ,whence but from  
me8 by whose kindness1 as it understands
 as little as may be1 it is also for    
that reason the higher privileged from  
exceptions2 and ,i am mistaken if1 when 
it is grown up and by experience and    
discipline brought to savor something   
like man1 if in the same instant that   
beauty does not fade1 its liveliness    
decay1 its pleasantness grow flat1 and  
its briskness fail4 ,and by how much the
 further it runs from me1 by so much the
 less it lives1 till it comes to the    
burden of old age1 not only hateful to  
others1 but to itself also4 ,which also 
were altogether insupportable did not ,i
 pity its condition1 in being present   
with it1 and1 as the poets' gods were   
wont to assist such as were dying with  
some pleasant metamorphosis1 help their 
decrepitness as much as in me lies by   
bringing them back to a second          
childhood1 from whence they are not     
improperly called twice children4       
,which1 if you ask me how ,i do it1 ,i  

shall not be shy in the point4 ,i bring 
them to our ,river ,lethe 7for its      
springhead rises in the ,fortunate      
,islands1 and that other of hell is but 
a brook in comparison71 from which1 as  
soon as they have drunk down a long     
forgetfulness1 they wash away by degrees
 the perplexity of their minds1 and so  
wax young again4  ,but perhaps you'll   
say they are foolish and doting4 ,admit 
it2 'tis the very essence of childhood2 
as if to be such were not to be a fool1 
or that that condition had anything     
pleasant in it1 but that it understood  
nothing4 ,for who would not look upon   
that child as a prodigy that should have
 as much wisdom as a man8--according to 
that common proverb1 ,i do not like a   
child that is a man too soon4 ,or who   
would endure a converse or friendship   
with that old man who to so large an    
experience of things had joined an equal
 strength of mind and sharpness of      
judgment8 ,and therefore for this reason
 it is that old age dotes2 and that it  

does so1 it is beholding to me4 ,yet1   
notwithstanding1 is this dotard exempt  
from all those cares that distract a    
wise man2 he is not the less pot        
companion1 nor is he sensible of that   
burden of life which the more manly age 
finds enough to do to stand upright     
under it4 ,and sometimes too1 like      
,plautus' old man1 he returns to his    
three letters1 ,a4,m4,o41 the most      
unhappy of all things living1 if he     
rightly understood what he did in it4   
,and yet1 so much do ,i befriend him    
that ,i make him well received of his   
friends and no unpleasant companion2 for
 as much as1 according to ,homer1       
,nestor's discourse was pleasanter than 
honey1 whereas ,achilles' was both      
bitter and malicious2 and that of old   
men1 as he has it in another place1     
florid4 ,in which respect also they have
 this advantage of children1 in that    
they want the only pleasure of the      
others' life1 we'll suppose it          
prattling4 ,add to this that old men are

 more eagerly delighted with children1  
and they1 again1 with old men4 ,like to 
like1 quoted the ,devil to the collier4 
,for what difference between them1 but  
that the one has more wrinkles and years
 upon his head than the other8          
,otherwise1 the brightness of their     
hair1 toothless mouth1 weakness of body1
 love of mild1 broken speech1 chatting1 
toying1 forgetfulness1 inadvertency1 and
 briefly1 all other their actions agree 
in everything4 ,and by how much the     
nearer they approach to this old age1 by
 so much they grow backward into the    
likeness of children1 until like them   
they pass from life to death1 without   
any weariness of the one1 or sense of   
the other4  ,and now1 let him that will 
compare the benefits they receive by me1
 the metamorphoses of the gods1 of whom 
,i shall not mention what they have done
 in their pettish humors but where they 
have been most favorable3 turning one   
into a tree1 another into a bird1 a     
third into a grasshopper1 serpent1 or   

the like4 ,as if there were any         
difference between perishing and being  
another thing6 ,but ,i restore the same 
man to the best and happiest part of his
 life4 ,and if men would but refrain    
from all commerce with wisdom and give  
up themselves to be governed by me1 they
 should never know what it were to be   
old1 but solace themselves with a       
perpetual youth4 ,do but observe our    
grim philosophers that are perpetually  
beating their brains on knotty subjects1
 and for the most part you'll find them 
grown old before they are scarcely      
young4 ,and whence is it1 but that their
 continual and restless thoughts        
insensibly prey upon their spirits and  
dry up their radical moisture8 ,whereas1
 on the contrary1 my fat fools are as   
plump and round as a ,westphalian hog1  
and never sensible of old age1 unless   
perhaps1 as sometimes it rarely happens1
 they come to be infected with wisdom1  
so hard a thing it is for a man to be   
happy in all things4 ,and to this       

purpose is that no small testimony of   
the proverb1 that says1 ,folly is the   
only thing that keeps youth at a stay   
and old age afar off2 as it is verified 
in the ,brabanders1 of whom there goes  
this common saying1 ,that age1 which is 
wont to render other men wiser1 makes   
them the greater fools4 ,and yet there  
is scarce any nation of a more jocund   
converse1 or that is less sensible of   
the misery of old age1 than they are4   
,and to these1 as in situation1 so for  
manner of living1 come nearest my       
friends the ,hollanders4 ,and why should
 ,i not call them mine1 since they are  
so diligent observers of me that they   
are commonly called by my name8--of     
which they are so far from being        
ashamed1 they rather pride themselves in
 it4 ,let the foolish world then be     
packing and seek out ,medeas1 ,circes1  
,venuses1 ,auroras1 and ,i know not what
 other fountains of restoring youth4 ,i 
am sure ,i am the only person that both 
can1 and have1 made it good4 ',tis ,i   

alone that have that wonderful juice    
with which ,memnon's daughter prolonged 
the youth of her grandfather ,tithon4 ,i
 am that ,venus by whose favor ,phaon   
became so young again that ,sappho fell 
in love with him4 ,mine are those herbs1
 if yet there be any such1 mine those   
charms1 and mine that fountain that not 
only restores departed youth but1 which 
is more desirable1 preserves it         
perpetual4 ,and if you all subscribe to 
this opinion1 that nothing is better    
than youth or more execrable than age1  
,i conceive you cannot but see how much 
you are indebted to me1 that have       
retained so great a good and shut out so
 great an evil4  ,but why do ,i         
altogether spend my breath in speaking  
of mortals8 ,view heaven round1 and let 
him that will reproach me with my name  
if he find any one of the gods that were
 not stinking and contemptible were he  
not made acceptable by my deity4 ,why is
 it that ,bacchus is always a stripling1
 and bushy-haired8 but because he is    

mad1 and drunk1 and spends his life in  
drinking1 dancing1 revels1 and ,may     
games1 not having so much as the least  
society with ,pallas4 ,and lastly1 he is
 so far from desiring to be accounted   
wise that he delights to be worshiped   
with sports and gambols2 nor is he      
displeased with the proverb that gave   
him the surname of fool1 ,a greater fool
 than ,bacchus2 which name of his was   
changed to ,morychus1 for that sitting  
before the gates of his temple1 the     
wanton country people were wont to      
bedaub him with new wine and figs4 ,and 
of scoffs1 what not1 have not the       
ancient comedies thrown on him8 ,o      
foolish god1 say they1 and worthy to be 
born as you were of your father's thigh6
 ,and yet1 who had not rather be your   
fool and sot1 always merry1 ever young1 
and making sport for other people1 than 
either ,homer's ,jupiter with his       
crooked counsels1 terrible to everyone2 
or old ,pan with his hubbubs2 or smutty 
,vulcan half covered with cinders2 or   

even ,pallas herself1 so dreadful with  
her ,gorgon's head and spear and a      
countenance like bullbeef8 ,why is      
,cupid always portrayed like a boy1 but 
because he is a very wag and can neither
 do nor so much as think of anything    
sober8 ,why ,venus ever in her prime1   
but because of her affinity with me8    
,witness that color of her hair1 so     
resembling my father1 from whence she is
 called the golden ,venus2 and lastly1  
ever laughing1 if you give any credit to
 the poets1 or their followers the      
statuaries4 ,what deity did the ,romans 
ever more religiously adore than that of
 ,flora1 the foundress of all pleasure8 
,nay1 if you should but diligently      
search the lives of the most sour and   
morose of the gods out of ,homer and the
 rest of the poets1 you would find them 
all but so many pieces of ,folly4 ,and  
to what purpose should ,i run over any  
of the other gods' tricks when you know 
enough of ,jupiter's loose loves8 ,when 
that chaste ,diana shall so far forget  

her sex as to be ever hunting and ready 
to perish for ,endymion8 ,but ,i had    
rather they should hear these things    
from ,momus1 from whom heretofore they  
were wont to have their shares1 till in 
one of their angry humors they tumbled  
him1 together with ,ate1 goddess of     
mischief1 down headlong to the earth1   
because his wisdom1 forsooth1           
unseasonably disturbed their happiness4 
,nor since that dares any mortal give   
him harbor1 though ,i must confess there
 wanted little but that he had been     
received into the courts of princes1 had
 not my companion ,flattery reigned in  
chief there1 with whom and the other    
there is no more correspondence than    
between lambs and wolves4 ,from whence  
it is that the gods play the fool with  
the greater liberty and more content to 
themselves doing all things carelessly1 
as says ,father ,homer1 that is to say1 
without anyone to correct them4 ,for    
what ridiculous stuff is there which    
that stump of the fig tree ,priapus does

 not afford them8 ,what tricks and      
legerdemains with which ,mercury does   
not cloak his thefts8 ,what buffoonery  
that ,vulcan is not guilty of1 while one
 with his polt-foot1 another with his   
smutched muzzle1 another with his       
impertinencies1 he makes sport for the  
rest of the gods8 ,as also that old     
,silenus with his country dances1       
,polyphemus footing time to his ,cyclops
 hammers1 the nymphs with their jigs1   
and satyrs with their antics2 while ,pan
 makes them all twitter with some coarse
 ballad1 which yet they had rather hear 
than the ,muses themselves1 and chiefly 
when they are well whittled with nectar4
 ,besides1 what should ,i mention what  
these gods do when they are half drunk8 
,now by my troth1 so foolish that ,i    
myself can hardly refrain laughter4 ,but
 in these matters 'twere better we      
remembered ,harpocrates1 lest some      
eavesdropping god or other take us      
whispering that which ,momus only has   
the privilege of speaking at length4    

,and therefore1 according to ,homer's   
example1 ,i think it high time to leave 
the gods to themselves1 and look down a 
little on the earth2 wherein likewise   
you'll find nothing frolic or fortunate 
that it owes not to me4 ,so provident   
has that great parent of mankind1       
,nature1 been that there should not be  
anything without its mixture and1 as it 
were1 seasoning of ,folly4 ,for since   
according to the definition of the      
,stoics1 wisdom is nothing else than to 
be governed by reason1 and on the       
contrary ,folly1 to be given up to the  
will of our passions1 that the life of  
man might not be altogether disconsolate
 and hard to away with1 of how much more
 passion than reason has ,jupiter       
composed us8 putting in1 as one would   
say1 scarce half an ounce to a pound4   
,besides1 he has confined reason to a   
narrow corner of the brain and left all 
the rest of the body to our passions2   
has also set up1 against this one1 two  
as it were1 masterless tyrants--anger1  

that possesses the region of the heart1 
and consequently the very fountain of   
life1 the heart itself2 and lust1 that  
stretches its empire everywhere4        
,against which double force how powerful
 reason is let common experience        
declare1 inasmuch as she1 which yet is  
all she can do1 may call out to us till 
she be hoarse again and tell us the     
rules of honesty and virtue2 while they 
give up the reins to their governor and 
make a hideous clamor1 till at last     
being wearied1 he suffer himself to be  
carried whither they please to hurry    
him4  ,but forasmuch as such as are born
 to the business of the world have some 
little sprinklings of reason more than  
the rest1 yet that they may the better  
manage it1 even in this as well as in   
other things1 they call me to counsel2  
and ,i give them such as is worthy of   
myself1 to wit1 that they take to them a
 wife--a silly thing1 ,god wot1 and     
foolish1 yet wanton and pleasant1 by    
which means the roughness of the        

masculine temper is seasoned and        
sweetened by her folly4 ,for in that    
,plato seems to doubt under what genus  
he should put woman1 to wit1 that of    
rational creatures or brutes1 he        
intended no other in it than to show the
 apparent folly of the sex4 ,for if     
perhaps any of them goes about to be    
thought wiser than the rest1 what else  
does she do but play the fool twice1 as 
if a man should teach a cow to dance1 a 
thing quite against the hair4 ,for as it
 doubles the crime if anyone should put 
a disguise upon ,nature1 or endeavor to 
bring her to that she will in no wise   
bear1 according to that proverb of the  
,greeks1 ,an ape is an ape1 though clad 
in scarlet2 so a woman is a woman still1
 that is to say foolish1 let her put on 
whatever vizard she please4  ,but1 by   
the way1 ,i hope that sex is not so     
foolish as to take offense at this1 that
 ,i myself1 being a woman1 and ,folly   
too1 have attributed folly to them4 ,for
 if they weigh it right1 they needs must

 acknowledge that they owe it to folly  
that they are more fortunate than men4  
,as first their beauty1 which1 and that 
not without cause1 they prefer before   
everything1 since by its means they     
exercise a tyranny even upon tyrants    
themselves2 otherwise1 whence proceeds  
that sour look1 rough skin1 bushy beard1
 and such other things as speak plain   
old age in a man1 but from that disease 
of wisdom8 ,whereas women's cheeks are  
ever plump and smooth1 their voice      
small1 their skin soft1 as if they      
imitated a certain kind of perpetual    
youth4 ,again1 what greater thing do    
they wish in their whole lives than that
 they may please the man8 ,for to what  
other purpose are all those dresses1    
washes1 baths1 slops1 perfumes1 and     
those several little tricks of setting  
their faces1 painting their eyebrows1   
and smoothing their skins8 ,and now tell
 me1 what higher letters of             
recommendation have they to men than    
this folly8 ,for what is it they do not 

permit them to do8 ,and to what other   
purpose than that of pleasure8 ,wherein 
yet their folly is not the least thing  
that pleases2 which so true it is1 ,i   
think no one will deny1 that does but   
consider with himself1 what foolish     
discourse and odd gambols pass between a
 man and his woman1 as often as he had a
 mind to be gamesome8 ,and so ,i have   
shown you whence the first and chiefest 
delight of man's life springs4   ,but   
there are some1 you'll say1 and those   
too none of the youngest1 that have a   
greater kindness for the pot than the   
petticoat and place their chiefest      
pleasure in good fellowship4 ,if there  
can be any great entertainment without a
 woman at it1 let others look to it4    
,this ,i am sure1 there was never any   
pleasant which folly gave not the relish
 to4 ,insomuch that if they find no     
occasion of laughter1 they send for one 
that may make it1 or hire some buffoon  
flatterer1 whose ridiculous discourse   
may put by the gravity of the company4  

,for to what purpose were it to clog our
 stomachs with dainties1 junkets1 and   
the like stuff1 unless our eyes and     
ears1 nay whole mind1 were likewise     
entertained with jests1 merriments1 and 
laughter8 ,but of these kind of second  
courses ,i am the only cook2 though yet 
those ordinary practices of our feasts1 
as choosing a king1 throwing dice1      
drinking healths1 trolling it round1    
dancing the cushion1 and the like1 were 
not invented by the seven wise men but  
myself1 and that too for the common     
pleasure of mankind4 ,the nature of all 
which things is such that the more of   
folly they have1 the more they conduce  
to human life1 which1 if it were        
unpleasant1 did not deserve the name of 
life2 and other than such it could not  
well be1 did not these kind of          
diversions wipe away tediousness1 next  
cousin to the other4  ,but perhaps there
 are some that neglect this way of      
pleasure and rest satisfied in the      
enjoyment of their friends1 calling     

friendship the most desirable of all    
things1 more necessary than either air1 
fire1 or water2 so delectable that he   
that shall take it out of the world had 
as good put out the sun2 and1 lastly1 so
 commendable1 if yet that make anything 
to the matter1 that neither the         
philosophers themselves doubted to      
reckon it among their chiefest good4    
,but what if ,i show you that ,i am both
 the beginning and end of this so great 
good also8 ,nor shall ,i go about to    
prove it by fallacies1 sorites1         
dilemmas1 or other the like subtleties  
of logicians1 but after my blunt way    
point out the thing as clearly as it    
were with my finger4  ,and now tell me  
if to wink1 slip over1 be blind at1 or  
deceived in the vices of our friends1   
nay1 to admire and esteem them for      
virtues1 be not at least the next degree
 to folly8 ,what is it when one kisses  
his mistress' freckle neck1 another the 
wart on her nose8 ,when a father shall  
swear his squint-eyed child is more     

lovely than ,venus8 ,what is this1 ,i   
say1 but mere folly8 ,and so1 perhaps   
you'll cry it is2 and yet 'tis this only
 that joins friends together and        
continues them so joined4 ,i speak of   
ordinary men1 of whom none are born     
without their imperfections1 and happy  
is he that is pressed with the least3   
for among wise princes there is either  
no friendship at all1 or if there be1   
'tis unpleasant and reserved1 and that  
too but among a very few 'twere a crime 
to say none4 ,for that the greatest part
 of mankind are fools1 nay there is not 
anyone that dotes not in many things2   
and friendship1 you know1 is seldom made
 but among equals4 ,and yet if it should
 so happen that there were a mutual good
 will between them1 it is in no wise    
firm nor very long lived2 that is to    
say1 among such as are morose and more  
circumspect than needs1 as being        
eagle-sighted into his friends' faults1 
but so blear-eyed to their own that they
 take not the least notice of the wallet

 that hangs behind their own shoulders4 
,since then the nature of man is such   
that there is scarce anyone to be found 
that is not subject to many errors1 add 
to this the great diversity of minds and
 studies1 so many slips1 oversights1 and
 chances of human life1 and how is it   
possible there should be any true       
friendship between those ,argus1 so much
 as one hour1 were it not for that which
 the ,greeks excellently call euetheian8
 ,and you may render by folly or good   
nature1 choose you whether4 ,but what8  
,is not the author and parent of all our
 love1 ,cupid1 as blind as a beetle8    
,and as with him all colors agree1 so   
from him is it that everyone likes his  
own sweeter-kin best1 though never so   
ugly1 and that an old man dotes on his  
old wife1 and a boy on his girl4 ,these 
things are not only done everywhere but 
laughed at too2 yet as ridiculous as    
they are1 they make society pleasant1   
and1 as it were1 glue it together4  ,and
 what has been said of friendship may   

more reasonably be presumed of          
matrimony1 which in truth is no other   
than an inseparable conjunction of life4
 ,good ,god6 ,what divorces1 or what not
 worse than that1 would daily happen    
were not the converse between a man and 
his wife supported and cherished by     
flattery1 apishness1 gentleness1        
ignorance1 dissembling1 certain         
retainers of mine also6 ,whoop holiday6 
how few marriages should we have1 if the
 husband should but thoroughly examine  
how many tricks his pretty little mop of
 modesty has played before she was      
married6 ,and how fewer of them would   
hold together1 did not most of the      
wife's actions escape the husband's     
knowledge through his neglect or        
sottishness6 ,and for this also you are 
beholden to me1 by whose means it is    
that the husband is pleasant to his     
wife1 the wife to her husband1 and the  
house kept in quiet4 ,a man is laughed  
at1 when seeing his wife weeping he     
licks up her tears4 ,but how much       

happier is it to be thus deceived than  
by being troubled with jealousy not only
 to torment himself but set all things  
in a hubbub6  ,in fine1 ,i am so        
necessary to the making of all society  
and manner of life both delightful and  
lasting1 that neither would the people  
long endure their governors1 nor the    
servant his master1 nor the master his  
footman1 nor the scholar his tutor1 nor 
one friend another1 nor the wife her    
husband1 nor the usurer the borrower1   
nor a soldier his commander1 nor one    
companion another1 unless all of them   
had their interchangeable failings1 one 
while flattering1 other while prudently 
conniving1 and generally sweetening one 
another with some small relish of folly4
  ,and now you'd think ,i had said all1 
but you shall hear yet greater things4  
,will he1 ,i pray1 love anyone that     
hates himself8 ,or ever agree with      
another who is not at peace with        
himself8 ,or beget pleasure in another  
that is troublesome to himself8 ,i think

 no one will say it that is not more    
foolish than ,folly4 ,and yet1 if you   
should exclude me1 there's no man but   
would be so far from enduring another   
that he would stink in his own nostrils1
 be nauseated with his own actions1 and 
himself become odious to himself2       
forasmuch as ,nature1 in too many things
 rather a stepdame than a parent to us1 
has imprinted that evil in men1         
especially such as have least judgment1 
that everyone repents him of his own    
condition and admires that of others4   
,whence it comes to pass that all her   
gifts1 elegancy1 and graces corrupt and 
perish4 ,for what benefit is beauty1 the
 greatest blessing of heaven1 if it be  
mixed with affectation8 ,what youth1 if 
corrupted with the severity of old age8 
,lastly1 what is that in the whole      
business of a man's life he can do with 
any grace to himself or others--for it  
is not so much a thing of art1 as the   
very life of every action1 that it be   
done with a good mien--unless this my   

friend and companion1 ,self-love1 be    
present with it8 ,nor does she without  
cause supply me the place of a sister1  
since her whole endeavors are to act my 
part everywhere4 ,for what is more      
foolish than for a man to study nothing 
else than how to please himself8 ,to    
make himself the object of his own      
admiration8 ,and yet1 what is there that
 is either delightful or taking1 nay    
rather what not the contrary1 that a man
 does against the hair8 ,take away this 
salt of life1 and the orator may even   
sit still with his action1 the musician 
with all his division will be able to   
please no man1 the player be hissed off 
the stage1 the poet and all his ,muses  
ridiculous1 the painter with his art    
contemptible1 and the physician with all
 his slip-slops go a-begging4 ,lastly1  
you will be taken for an ugly fellow    
instead of youthful1 and a beast instead
 of a wise man1 a child instead of      
eloquent1 and instead of a well-bred    
man1 a clown4 ,so necessary a thing it  

is that everyone flatter himself and    
commend himself to himself before he can
 be commended by others4  ,lastly1 since
 it is the chief point of happiness that
 a man is willing to be what he is1 you 
have further abridged in this my        
,self-love1 that no man is ashamed of   
his own face1 no man of his own wit1 no 
man of his own parentage1 no man of his 
own house1 no man of his manner of      
living1 nor any man of his own country2 
so that a ,highlander has no desire to  
change with an ,italian1 a ,thracian    
with an ,athenian1 nor a ,scythian for  
the ,fortunate ,islands4 ,o the singular
 care of ,nature1 that in so great a    
variety of things has made all equal6   
,where she has been sometimes sparing of
 her gifts she has recompensed it with  
the more of self-love2 though here1 ,i  
must confess1 ,i speak foolishly1 it    
being the greatest of all other her     
gifts3 to say nothing that no great     
action was ever attempted without my    
motion1 or art brought to perfection    

without my help4  ,is not war the very  
root and matter of all famed            
enterprises8 ,and yet what more foolish 
than to undertake it for ,i know what   
trifles1 especially when both parties   
are sure to lose more than they get by  
the bargain8 ,for of those that are     
slain1 not a word of them2 and for the  
rest1 when both sides are close engaged 
and the trumpets make an ugly noise1    
what use of those wise men1 ,i pray1    
that are so exhausted with study that   
their thin1 cold blood has scarce any   
spirits left8 ,no1 it must be those     
blunt1 fat fellows1 that by how much the
 more they exceed in courage1 fall short
 in understanding4 ,unless perhaps one  
had rather choose ,demosthenes for a    
soldier1 who1 following the example of  
,archilochius1 threw away his arms and  
betook him to his heels e'er he had     
scarce seen his enemy2 as ill a soldier1
 as happy an orator4  ,but counsel1     
you'll say1 is not of least concern in  
matters of war4 ,in a general ,i grant  

it2 but this thing of warring is not    
part of philosophy1 but managed by      
parasites1 panders1 thieves1            
cut-throats1 plowmen1 sots1             
spendthrifts1 and such other dregs of   
mankind1 not philosophers2 who how unapt
 they are even for common converse1 let 
,socrates1 whom the oracle of ,apollo1  
though not so wisely1 judged the wisest 
of all men living1 be witness2 who      
stepping up to speak somewhat1 ,i know  
not what1 in public was forced to come  
down again well laughed at for his      
pains4 ,though yet in this he was not   
altogether a fool1 that he refused the  
appellation of wise1 and returning it   
back to the oracle1 delivered his       
opinion that a wise man should abstain  
from meddling with public business2     
unless perhaps he should have rather    
admonished us to beware of wisdom if we 
intended to be reckoned among the number
 of men1 there being nothing but his    
wisdom that first accused and afterwards
 sentenced him to the drinking of his   

poisoned cup4 ,for while1 as you find   
him in ,aristophanes1 philosophizing    
about clouds and ideas1 measuring how   
far a flea could leap1 and admiring that
 so small a creature as a fly should    
make so great a buzz1 he meddled not    
with anything that concerned common     
life4 ,but his master being in danger of
 his head1 his scholar ,plato is at     
hand1 to wit that famous patron1 that   
being disturbed with the noise of the   
people1 could not go through half his   
first sentence4 ,what should ,i speak of
 ,theophrastus1 who being about to make 
an oration1 became as dumb as if he had 
met a wolf in his way1 which yet would  
have put courage in a man of war8 ,or   
,isocrates1 that was so cowhearted that 
he dared never attempt it8 ,or ,tully1  
that great founder of the ,roman        
eloquence1 that could never begin to    
speak without an odd kind of trembling1 
like a boy that had got the hiccough2   
which ,fabius interprets as an argument 
of a wise orator and one that was       

sensible of what he was doing2 and while
 he says it1 does he not plainly confess
 that wisdom is a great obstacle to the 
true management of business8 ,what would
 become of them1 think you1 were they to
 fight it out at blows that are so dead 
through fear when the contest is only   
with empty words8  ,and next to these is
 cried up1 forsooth1 that goodly        
sentence of ,plato's1 ,happy is that    
commonwealth where a philosopher is     
prince1 or whose prince is addicted to  
philosophy4 ,when yet if you consult    
historians1 you'll find no princes more 
pestilent to the commonwealth than where
 the empire has fallen to some smatterer
 in philosophy or one given to letters4 
,to the truth of which ,i think the     
,catoes give sufficient credit2 of whom 
the one was ever disturbing the peace of
 the commonwealth with his hair-brained 
accusations2 the other1 while he too    
wisely vindicated its liberty1 quite    
overthrew it4 ,add to this the ,bruti1  
,casii1 nay ,cicero himself1 that was no

 less pernicious to the commonwealth of 
,rome than was ,demosthenes to that of  
,athens4 ,besides ,m4 ,antoninus 7that  
,i may give you one instance that there 
was once one good emperor2 for with much
 ado ,i can make it out7 was become     
burdensome and hated of his subjects    
upon no other score but that he was so  
great a philosopher4 ,but admitting him 
good1 he did the commonwealth more hurt 
in leaving behind him such a son as he  
did than ever he did it good by his own 
government4 ,for these kind of men that 
are so given up to the study of wisdom  
are generally most unfortunate1 but     
chiefly in their children2 ,nature1 it  
seems1 so providently ordering it1 lest 
this mischief of wisdom should spread   
further among mankind4 ,for which reason
 it is manifest why ,cicero's son was so
 degenerate1 and that wise ,socrates'   
children1 as one has well observed1 were
 more like their mother than their      
father1 that is to say1 fools4  ,however
 this were to be born with1 if only as  

to public employments they were like a  
sow upon a pair of organs1 were they    
anything more apt to discharge even the 
common offices of life4 ,invite a wise  
man to a feast and he'll spoil the      
company1 either with morose silence or  
troublesome disputes4 ,take him out to  
dance1 and you'll swear a cow would have
 done it better4 ,bring him to the      
theatre1 and his very looks are enough  
to spoil all1 till like ,cato he take an
 occasion of withdrawing rather than put
 off his supercilious gravity4 ,let him 
fall into discourse1 and he shall make  
more sudden stops than if he had a wolf 
before him4 ,let him buy1 or sell1 or in
 short go about any of those things     
without there is no living in this      
world1 and you'll say this piece of     
wisdom were rather a stock than a man1  
of so little use is he to himself1      
country1 or friends2 and all because he 
is wholly ignorant of common things and 
lives a course of life quite different  
from the people2 by which means it is   

impossible but that he contract a       
popular odium1 to wit1 by reason of the 
great diversity of their life and souls4
 ,for what is there at all done among   
men that is not full of folly1 and that 
too from fools and to fools8 ,against   
which universal practice if any single  
one shall dare to set up his throat1 my 
advice to him is1 that following the    
example of ,timon1 he retire into some  
desert and there enjoy his wisdom to    
himself4  ,but1 to return to my design1 
what power was it that drew those stony1
 oaken1 and wild people into cities but 
flattery8 ,for nothing else is signified
 by ,amphion and ,orpheus' harp4 ,what  
was it that1 when the common people of  
,rome were like to have destroyed all by
 their mutiny1 reduced them to          
obedience8 ,was it a philosophical      
oration8 ,least4 ,but a ridiculous and  
childish fable of the belly and the rest
 of the members4 ,and as good success   
had ,themistocles in his of the fox and 
hedgehog4 ,what wise man's oration could

 ever have done so much with the people 
as ,sertorius' invention of his white   
hind8 ,or his ridiculous emblem of      
pulling off a horse's tail hair by hair8
 ,or as ,lycurgus his example of his two
 whelps8 ,to say nothing of ,minos and  
,numa1 both which ruled their foolish   
multitudes with fabulous inventions2    
with which kind of toys that great and  
powerful beast1 the people1 are led     
anyway4 ,again what city ever received  
,plato's or ,aristotle's laws1 or       
,socrates' precepts8 ,but1 on the       
contrary1 what made the ,decii devote   
themselves to the infernal gods1 or ,q4 
,curtius to leap into the gulf1 but an  
empty vainglory1 a most bewitching      
siren8 ,and yet 'tis strange it should  
be so condemned by those wise           
philosophers4 ,for what is more foolish1
 say they1 than for a suppliant suitor  
to flatter the people1 to buy their     
favor with gifts1 to court the applauses
 of so many fools1 to please himself    
with their acclamations1 to be carried  

on the people's shoulders as in triumph1
 and have a brazen statue in the        
marketplace8 ,add to this the adoption  
of names and surnames1 those divine     
honors given to a man of no reputation1 
and the deification of the most wicked  
tyrants with public ceremonies2 most    
foolish things1 and such as one         
,democritus is too little to laugh at4  
,who denies it8 ,and yet from this root 
sprang all the great acts of the heroes 
which the pens of so many eloquent men  
have extolled to the skies4 ,in a word1 
this folly is that that laid the        
foundation of cities2 and by it1 empire1
 authority1 religion1 policy1 and public
 actions are preserved2 neither is there
 anything in human life that is not a   
kind of pastime of folly4  ,but to speak
 of arts1 what set men's wits on work to
 invent and transmit to posterity so    
many famous1 as they conceive1 pieces of
 learning but the thirst of glory8 ,with
 so much loss of sleep1 such pains and  
travail1 have the most foolish of men   

thought to purchase themselves a kind of
 ,i know not what fame1 than which      
nothing can be more vain4 ,and yet      
notwithstanding1 you owe this advantage 
to folly1 and which is the most         
delectable of all other1 that you reap  
the benefit of other men's madness4     
,and now1 having vindicated to myself   
the praise of fortitude and industry1   
what think you if ,i do the same by that
 of prudence8 ,but some will say1 you   
may as well join fire and water4 ,it may
 be so4 ,but yet ,i doubt not but to    
succeed even in this also1 if1 as you   
have done hitherto1 you will but favor  
me with your attention4 ,and first1 if  
prudence depends upon experience1 to    
whom is the honor of that name more     
proper8 ,to the wise man1 who partly out
 of modesty and partly distrust of      
himself1 attempts nothing2 or the fool1 
whom neither modesty which he never had1
 nor danger which he never considers1   
can discourage from anything8 ,the wise 
man has recourse to the books of the    

ancients1 and from thence picks nothing 
but subtleties of words4 ,the fool1 in  
undertaking and venturing on the        
business of the world1 gathers1 if ,i   
mistake not1 the true prudence1 such as 
,homer though blind may be said to have 
seen when he said1 ,the burnt child     
dreads the fire4 ,for there are two main
 obstacles to the knowledge of things1  
modesty that casts a mist before the    
understanding1 and fear that1 having    
fancied a danger1 dissuades us from the 
attempt4 ,but from these folly          
sufficiently frees us1 and few there are
 that rightly understand of what great  
advantage it is to blush at nothing and 
attempt everything4  ,but if you had    
rather take prudence for that that      
consists in the judgment of things1 hear
 me1 ,i beseech you1 how far they are   
from it that yet crack of the name4 ,for
 first 'tis evident that all human      
things1 like ,alcibiades' ,sileni or    
rural gods1 carry a double face1 but not
 the least alike2 so that what at first 

sight seems to be death1 if you view it 
narrowly may prove to be life2 and so   
the contrary4 ,what appears beautiful   
may chance to be deformed2 what wealthy1
 a very beggar2 what infamous1          
praiseworthy2 what learned1 a dunce2    
what lusty1 feeble2 what jocund1 sad2   
what noble1 base2 what lucky1           
unfortunate2 what friendly1 an enemy2   
and what healthful1 noisome4 ,in short1 
view the inside of these ,sileni1 and   
you'll find them quite other than what  
they appear2 which1 if perhaps it shall 
not seem so philosophically spoken1     
,i'll make it plain to you after my     
blunt way4 ,who would not conceive a    
prince a great lord and abundant in     
everything8 ,but yet being so           
ill-furnished with the gifts of the     
mind1 and ever thinking he shall never  
have enough1 he's the poorest of all    
men4 ,and then for his mind so given up 
to vice1 'tis a shame how it enslaves   
him4 ,i might in like manner            
philosophize of the rest2 but let this  

one1 for example's sake1 be enough4     
,yet why this8 will someone say4 ,have  
patience1 and ,i'll show you what ,i    
drive at4 ,if anyone seeing a player    
acting his part on a stage should go    
about to strip him of his disguise and  
show him to the people in his true      
native form1 would he not1 think you1   
not only spoil the whole design of the  
play1 but deserve himself to be pelted  
off with stones as a phantastical fool  
and one out of his wits8 ,but nothing is
 more common with them than such        
changes2 the same person one while      
impersonating a woman1 and another while
 a man2 now a youngster1 and by and by a
 grim seignior2 now a king1 and         
presently a peasant2 now a god1 and in a
 trice again an ordinary fellow4 ,but to
 discover this were to spoil all1 it    
being the only thing that entertains the
 eyes of the spectators4 ,and what is   
all this life but a kind of comedy1     
wherein men walk up and down in one     
another's disguises and act their       

respective parts1 till the property-man 
brings them back to the attiring house4 
,and yet he often orders a different    
dress1 and makes him that came but just 
now off in the robes of a king put on   
the rags of a beggar4 ,thus are all     
things represented by counterfeit1 and  
yet without this there was no living4   
,and here if any wise man1 as it were   
dropped from heaven1 should start up and
 cry1 this great thing whom the world   
looks upon for a god and ,i know not    
what is not so much as a man1 for that  
like a beast he is led by his passions1 
but the worst of slaves1 inasmuch as he 
gives himself up willingly to so many   
and such detestable masters4 ,again if  
he should bid a man that were bewailing 
the death of his father to laugh1 for   
that he now began to live by having got 
an estate1 without which life is but a  
kind of death2 or call another that were
 boasting of his family ill begotten or 
base1 because he is so far removed from 
virtue that is the only fountain of     

nobility2 and so of the rest3 what else 
would he get by it but be thought       
himself mad and frantic8 ,for as nothing
 is more foolish than preposterous      
wisdom1 so nothing is more unadvised    
than a forward unseasonable prudence4   
,and such is his that does not comply   
with the present time and order himself 
as the market goes1 but forgetting that 
law of feasts1 either drink or begone1  
undertakes to disprove a common received
 opinion4 ,whereas on the contrary 'tis 
the part of a truly prudent man not to  
be wise beyond his condition1 but either
 to take no notice of what the world    
does1 or run with it for company4 ,but  
this is foolish1 you'll say2 nor shall  
,i deny it1 provided always you be so   
civil on the other side as to confess   
that this is to act a part in that      
world4  ,but1 ,o you gods1 shall ,i     
speak or hold my tongue8 ,but why should
 ,i be silent in a thing that is more   
true than truth itself8 ,however it     
might not be amiss perhaps in so great  

an affair to call forth the ,muses from 
,helicon1 since the poets so often      
invoke them upon every foolish occasion4
 ,be present then awhile1 and assist me1
 you daughters of ,jupiter1 while ,i    
make it out that there is no way to that
 so much famed wisdom1 nor access to    
that fortress as they call it of        
happiness1 but under the banner of      
,folly4 ,and first 'tis agreed of all   
hands that our passions belong to       
,folly2 inasmuch as we judge a wise man 
from a fool by this1 that the one is    
ordered by them1 the other by reason2   
and therefore the ,stoics remove from a 
wise man all disturbances of mind as so 
many diseases4 ,but these passions do   
not only the office of a tutor to such  
as are making towards the port of       
wisdom1 but are in every exercise of    
virtue as it were spurs and incentives1 
nay and encouragers to well doing3 which
 though that great ,stoic ,seneca most  
strongly denies1 and takes from a wise  
man all affections whatever1 yet in     

doing that he leaves him not so much as 
a man but rather a new kind of god that 
was never yet nor ever like to be4 ,nay1
 to speak plainer1 he sets up a stony   
semblance of a man1 void of all sense   
and common feeling of humanity4 ,and    
much good to them with this wise man of 
theirs2 let them enjoy him to           
themselves1 love him without            
competitors1 and live with him in       
,plato's commonwealth1 the country of   
ideas1 or ,tantalus' orchards4 ,for who 
would not shun and startle at such a    
man1 as at some unnatural accident or   
spirit8 ,a man dead to all sense of     
nature and common affections1 and no    
more moved with love or pity than if he 
were a flint or rock2 whose censure     
nothing escapes2 that commits no errors 
himself1 but has a lynx's eyes upon     
others2 measures everything by an exact 
line1 and forgives nothing2 pleases     
himself with himself only2 the only     
rich1 the only wise1 the only free man1 
and only king2 in brief1 the only man   

that is everything1 but in his own      
single judgment only2 that cares not for
 the friendship of any man1 being       
himself a friend to no man2 makes no    
doubt to make the gods stoop to him1 and
 condemns and laughs at the whole       
actions of our life8 ,and yet such a    
beast is this their perfect wise man4   
,but tell me pray1 if the thing were to 
be carried by most voices1 what city    
would choose him for its governor1 or   
what army desire him for their general8 
,what woman would have such a husband1  
what goodfellow such a guest1 or what   
servant would either wish or endure such
 a master8 ,nay1 who had not rather have
 one of the middle sort of fools1 who1  
being a fool himself1 may the better    
know how to command or obey fools2 and  
who though he please his like1 'tis yet 
the greater number2 one that is kind to 
his wife1 merry among his friends1 a    
boon companion1 and easy to be lived    
with2 and lastly one that thinks nothing
 of humanity should be a stranger to    

him8 ,but ,i am weary of this wise man1 
and therefore ,i'll proceed to some     
other advantages4  ,go to then4 ,suppose
 a man in some lofty high tower1 and    
that he could look round him1 as the    
poets say ,jupiter was now and then     
wont4 ,to how many misfortunes would he 
find the life of man subject8 ,how      
miserable1 to say no worse1 our birth1  
how difficult our education2 to how many
 wrongs our childhood exposed1 to what  
pains our youth2 how unsupportable our  
old age1 and grievous our unavoidable   
death8 ,as also what troops of diseases 
beset us1 how many casualties hang over 
our heads1 how many troubles invade us1 
and how little there is that is not     
steeped in gall8 ,to say nothing of     
those evils one man brings upon another1
 as poverty1 imprisonment1 infamy1      
dishonesty1 racks1 snares1 treachery1   
reproaches1 actions1 deceits--but ,i'm  
got into as endless a work as numbering 
the sands--for what offenses mankind    
have deserved these things1 or what     

angry god compelled them to be born into
 such miseries is not my present        
business4 ,yet he that shall diligently 
examine it with himself1 would he not1  
think you1 approve the example of the   
,milesian virgins and kill himself8 ,but
 who are they that for no other reason  
but that they were weary of life have   
hastened their own fate8 ,were they not 
the next neighbors to wisdom8 among     
whom1 to say nothing of ,diogenes1      
,xenocrates1 ,cato1 ,cassius1 ,brutus1  
that wise man ,chiron1 being offered    
immortality1 chose rather to die than be
 troubled with the same thing always4   
,and now ,i think you see what would    
become of the world if all men should be
 wise2 to wit it were necessary we got  
another kind of clay and some better    
potter4 ,but ,i1 partly through         
ignorance1 partly unadvisedness1 and    
sometimes through forgetfulness of evil1
 do now and then so sprinkle pleasure   
with the hopes of good and sweeten men  
up in their greatest misfortunes that   

they are not willing to leave this life1
 even then when according to the account
 of the destinies this life has left    
them2 and by how much the less reason   
they have to live1 by so much the more  
they desire it2 so far are they from    
being sensible of the least             
wearisomeness of life4 ,of my gift it   
is1 that you have so many old ,nestors  
everywhere that have scarce left them so
 much as the shape of a man2 stutterers1
 dotards1 toothless1 gray-haired1 bald2 
or rather1 to use the words of          
,aristophanes1 ,nasty1 crumpled1        
miserable1 shriveled1 bald1 toothless1  
and wanting their baubles1 yet so       
delighted with life and to be thought   
young that one dyes his gray hairs2     
another covers his baldness with a      
periwig2 another gets a set of new      
teeth2 another falls desperately in love
 with a young wench and keeps more      
flickering about her than a young man   
would have been ashamed of4 ,for to see 
such an old crooked piece with one foot 

in the grave to marry a plump young     
wench1 and that too without a portion1  
is so common that men almost expect to  
be commended for it4 ,but the best sport
 of all is to see our old women1 even   
dead with age1 and such skeletons one   
would think they had stolen out of their
 graves1 and ever mumbling in their     
mouths1 ,life is sweet2 and as old as   
they are1 still caterwauling1 daily     
plastering their face1 scarce ever from 
the glass1 gossiping1 dancing1 and      
writing love letters4 ,these things are 
laughed at as foolish1 as indeed they   
are2 yet they please themselves1 live   
merrily1 swim in pleasure1 and in a word
 are happy1 by my courtesy4 ,but ,i     
would have them to whom these things    
seem ridiculous to consider with        
themselves whether it be not better to  
live so pleasant a life in such kind of 
follies1 than1 as the proverb goes1 to  
take a halter and hang themselves4      
,besides though these things may be     
subject to censure1 it concerns not my  

fools in the least1 inasmuch as they    
take no notice of it2 or if they do1    
they easily neglect it4 ,if a stone fall
 upon a man's head1 that's evil indeed2 
but dishonesty1 infamy1 villainy1 ill   
reports carry no more hurt in them than 
a man is sensible of2 and if a man have 
no sense of them1 they are no longer    
evils4 ,what are you the worse if the   
people hiss at you1 so you applaud      
yourself8 ,and that a man be able to do 
so1 he must owe it to folly4  ,but      
methinks ,i hear the philosophers       
opposing it and saying 'tis a miserable 
thing for a man to be foolish1 to err1  
mistake1 and know nothing truly4 ,nay   
rather1 this is to be a man4 ,and why   
they should call it miserable1 ,i see no
 reason2 forasmuch as we are so born1 so
 bred1 so instructed1 nay such is the   
common condition of us all4 ,and nothing
 can be called miserable that suits with
 its kind1 unless perhaps you'll think a
 man such because he can neither fly    
with birds1 nor walk on all four with   

beasts1 and is not armed with horns as a
 bull4 ,for by the same reason he would 
call the warlike horse unfortunate1     
because he understood not grammar1 nor  
ate cheese-cakes2 and the bull          
miserable1 because he'd make so ill a   
wrestler4 ,and therefore1 as a horse    
that has no skill in grammar is not     
miserable1 no more is man in this       
respect1 for that they agree with his   
nature4 ,but again1 the virtuosi may say
 that there was particularly added to   
man the knowledge of sciences1 by whose 
help he might recompense himself in     
understanding for what nature cut him   
short in other things4 ,as if this had  
the least face of truth1 that ,nature   
that was so solicitously watchful in the
 production of gnats1 herbs1 and flowers
 should have so slept when she made man1
 that he should have need to be helped  
by sciences1 which that old devil       
,theuth1 the evil genius of mankind1    
first invented for his destruction1 and 
are so little conducive to happiness    

that they rather obstruct it2 to which  
purpose they are properly said to be    
first found out1 as that wise king in   
,plato argues touching the invention of 
letters4  ,sciences therefore crept into
 the world with other the pests of      
mankind1 from the same head from whence 
all other mischiefs spring2 we'll       
suppose it devils1 for so the name      
imports when you call them demons1 that 
is to say1 knowing4 ,for that simple    
people of the golden age1 being wholly  
ignorant of everything called learning1 
lived only by the guidance and dictates 
of nature2 for what use of grammar1     
where every man spoke the same language 
and had no further design than to       
understand one another8 ,what use of    
logic1 where there was no bickering     
about the double-meaning words8 ,what   
need of rhetoric1 where there were no   
lawsuits8 ,or to what purpose laws1     
where there were no ill manners8 from   
which without doubt good laws first     
came4 ,besides1 they were more religious

 than with an impious curiosity to dive 
into the secrets of nature1 the         
dimension of stars1 the motions1        
effects1 and hidden causes of things2 as
 believing it a crime for any man to    
attempt to be wise beyond his condition4
 ,and as to the inquiry of what was     
beyond heaven1 that madness never came  
into their heads4 ,but the purity of the
 golden age declining by degrees1 first1
 as ,i said before1 arts were invented  
by the evil genii2 and yet but few1 and 
those too received by fewer4 ,after that
 the ,chaldean superstition and ,greek  
newfangledness1 that had little to do1  
added ,i know not how many more2 mere   
torments of wit1 and that so great that 
even grammar alone is work enough for   
any man for his whole life4  ,though yet
 among these sciences those only are in 
esteem that come nearest to common      
sense1 that is to say1 folly4 ,divines  
are half starved1 naturalists out of    
heart1 astrologers laughed at1 and      
logicians slighted2 only the physician  

is worth all the rest4 ,and among them  
too1 the more unlearned1 impudent1 or   
unadvised he is1 the more he is         
esteemed1 even among princes4 ,for      
physic1 especially as it is now         
professed by most men1 is nothing but a 
branch of flattery1 no less than        
rhetoric4 ,next them1 the second place  
is given to our law-drivers1 if not the 
first1 whose profession1 though ,i say  
it myself1 most men laugh at as the ass 
of philosophy2 yet there's scarce any   
business1 either so great or so small1  
but is managed by these asses4 ,these   
purchase their great lordships1 while in
 the meantime the divine1 having run    
through the whole body of divinity1 sits
 gnawing a radish and is in continual   
warfare with lice and fleas4 ,as        
therefore those arts are best that have 
the nearest affinity with folly1 so are 
they most happy of all others that have 
least commerce with sciences and follow 
the guidance of ,nature1 who is in no   
wise imperfect1 unless perhaps we       

endeavor to leap over those bounds she  
has appointed to us4 ,nature hates all  
false coloring and is ever best where   
she is least adulterated with art4  ,go 
to then1 don't you find among the       
several kinds of living creatures that  
they thrive best that understand no more
 than what ,nature taught them8 ,what is
 more prosperous or wonderful than the  
bee8 ,and though they have not the same 
judgment of sense as other bodies have1 
yet wherein has architecture gone beyond
 their building of houses8 ,what        
philosopher ever founded the like       
republic8 ,whereas the horse1 that comes
 so near man in understanding and is    
therefore so familiar with him1 is also 
partaker of his misery4 ,for while he   
thinks it a shame to lose the race1 it  
often happens that he cracks his wind2  
and in the battle1 while he contends for
 victory1 he's cut down himself1 and1   
together with his rider lies biting the 
earth2 not to mention those strong bits1
 sharp spurs1 close stables1 arms1      

blows1 rider1 and briefly1 all that     
slavery he willingly submits to1 while1 
imitating those men of valor1 he so     
eagerly strives to be revenged of the   
enemy4 ,than which how much more were   
the life of flies or birds to be wished 
for1 who living by the instinct of      
nature1 look no further than the        
present1 if yet man would but let them  
alone in it4 ,and if at anytime they    
chance to be taken1 and being shut up in
 cages endeavor to imitate our speaking1
 'tis strange how they degenerate from  
their native gaiety4 ,so much better in 
every respect are the works of nature   
than the adulteries of art4  ,in like   
manner ,i can never sufficiently praise 
that ,pythagoras in a dunghill cock1 who
 being but one had been yet everything1 
a philosopher1 a man1 a woman1 a king1 a
 private man1 a fish1 a horse1 a frog1  
and1 ,i believe too1 a sponge2 and at   
last concluded that no creature was more
 miserable than man1 for that all other 
creatures are content with those bounds 

that nature set them1 only man endeavors
 to exceed them4 ,and again1 among men  
he gives the precedency not to the      
learned or the great1 but the fool4 ,nor
 had that ,gryllus less wit than        
,ulysses with his many counsels1 who    
chose rather to lie grunting in a hog   
sty than be exposed with the other to so
 many hazards4 ,nor does ,homer1 that   
father of trifles1 dissent from me2 who 
not only called all men wretched and    
full of calamity1 but often his great   
pattern of wisdom1 ,ulysses1 miserable2 
,paris1 ,ajax1 and ,achilles nowhere4   
,and why1 ,i pray but that1 like a      
cunning fellow and one that was his     
craft's master1 he did nothing without  
the advice of ,pallas8 ,in a word he was
 too wise1 and by that means ran wide of
 nature4 ,as therefore among men they   
are least happy that study wisdom1 as   
being in this twice fools1 that when    
they are born men1 they should yet so   
far forget their condition as to affect 
the life of gods2 and after the example 

of the giants1 with their philosophical 
gimcracks make a war upon nature3 so    
they on the other side seem as little   
miserable as is possible who come       
nearest to beasts and never attempt     
anything beyond man4 ,go to then1 let's 
try how demonstrable this is2 not by    
enthymemes or the imperfect syllogisms  
of the ,stoics1 but by plain1 downright1
 and ordinary examples4  ,and now1 by   
the immortal gods6 ,i think nothing more
 happy than that generation of men we   
commonly call fools1 idiots1 lack-wits1 
and dolts2 splendid titles too1 as ,i   
conceive them4 ,i'll tell you a thing1  
which at first perhaps may seem foolish 
and absurd1 yet nothing more true4 ,and 
first they are not afraid of death--no  
small evil1 by ,jupiter6 ,they are not  
tormented with the conscience of evil   
acts1 not terrified with the fables of  
ghosts1 nor frightened with spirits and 
goblins4 ,they are not distracted with  
the fear of evils to come nor the hopes 
of future good4 ,in short1 they are not 

disturbed with those thousand of cares  
to which this life is subject4 ,they are
 neither modest1 nor fearful1 nor       
ambitious1 nor envious1 nor love they   
any man4 ,and lastly1 if they should    
come nearer even to the very ignorance  
of brutes1 they could not sin1 for so   
hold the divines4 ,and now tell me1 you 
wise fool1 with how many troublesome    
cares your mind is continually          
perplexed2 heap together all the        
discommodities of your life1 and then   
you'll be sensible from how many evils  
,i have delivered my fools4 ,add to this
 that they are not only merry1 play1    
sing1 and laugh themselves1 but make    
mirth wherever they come1 a special     
privilege it seems the gods have given  
them to refresh the pensiveness of life4
 ,whence it is that whereas the world is
 so differently affected one towards    
another1 that all men indifferently     
admit them as their companions1 desire1 
feed1 cherish1 embrace them1 take their 
parts upon all occasions1 and permit    

them without offense to do or say what  
they like4 ,and so little does          
everything desire to hurt them1 that    
even the very beasts1 by a kind of      
natural instinct of their innocence no  
doubt1 pass by their injuries4 ,for of  
them it may be truly said that they are 
consecrate to the gods1 and therefore   
and not without cause do men have them  
in such esteem4 ,whence is it else that 
they are in so great request with       
princes that they can neither eat nor   
drink1 go anywhere1 or be an hour       
without them8 ,nay1 and in some degree  
they prefer these fools before their    
crabbish wise men1 whom yet they keep   
about them for state's sake4 ,nor do ,i 
conceive the reason so difficult1 or    
that it should seem strange why they are
 preferred before the others1 for that  
these wise men speak to princes about   
nothing but grave1 serious matters1 and 
trusting to their own parts and learning
 do not fear sometimes to grate their   
tender ears with smart truths2 but fools

 fit them with that they most delight   
in1 as jests1 laughter1 abuses of other 
men1 wanton pastimes1 and the like4     
,again1 take notice of this no          
contemptible blessing which ,nature has 
given fools1 that they are the only     
plain1 honest men and such as speak     
truth4 ,and what is more commendable    
than truth8 ,for though that proverb of 
,alcibiades in ,plato attributes truth  
to drunkards and children1 yet the      
praise of it is particularly mine1 even 
from the testimony of ,euripides1 among 
whose other things there is extant that 
his honorable saying concerning us1 ,a  
fool speaks foolish things4 ,for        
whatever a fool has in his heart1 he    
both shows it in his looks and expresses
 it in his discourse2 while the wise    
men's are those two tongues which the   
same ,euripides mentions1 whereof the   
one speaks truth1 the other what they   
judge most seasonable for the occasion4 
,these are they that turn black into    
white1 blow hot and cold with the same  

breath1 and carry a far different       
meaning in their breast from what they  
feign with their tongue4 ,yet in the    
midst of all their prosperity1 princes  
in this respect seem to me most         
unfortunate1 because1 having no one to  
tell them truth1 they are forced to     
receive flatterers for friends4  ,but1  
someone may say1 the ears of princes are
 strangers to truth1 and for this reason
 they avoid those wise men1 because they
 fear lest someone more frank than the  
rest should dare to speak to them things
 rather true than pleasant2 for so the  
matter is1 that they don't much care for
 truth4 ,and yet this is found by       
experience among my fools1 that not only
 truths but even open reproaches are    
heard with pleasure2 so that the same   
thing which1 if it came from a wise     
man's mouth might prove a capital crime1
 spoken by a fool is received with      
delight4 ,for truth carries with it a   
certain peculiar power of pleasing1 if  
no accident fall in to give occasion of 

offense2 which faculty the gods have    
given only to fools4 ,and for the same  
reasons is it that women are so         
earnestly delighted with this kind of   
men1 as being more propense by nature to
 pleasure and toys4 ,and whatsoever they
 may happen to do with them1 although   
sometimes it be of the most serious1 yet
 they turn it to jest and laughter1 as  
that sex was ever quick-witted1         
especially to color their own faults4   
,but to return to the happiness of      
fools1 who when they have passed over   
this life with a great deal of          
pleasantness and without so much as the 
least fear or sense of death1 they go   
straight forth into the ,elysian field1 
to recreate their pious and careless    
souls with such sports as they used     
here4 ,let's proceed then1 and compare  
the condition of any of your wise men   
with that of this fool4 ,fancy to me now
 some example of wisdom you'd set up    
against him2 one that had spent his     
childhood and youth in learning the     

sciences and lost the sweetest part of  
his life in watchings1 cares1 studies1  
and for the remaining part of it never  
so much as tasted the least of pleasure2
 ever sparing1 poor1 sad1 sour1 unjust1 
and rigorous to himself1 and troublesome
 and hateful to others2 broken with     
paleness1 leanness1 crassness1 sore     
eyes1 and an old age and death          
contracted before their time 7though    
yet1 what matter is it1 when he die that
 never lived872 and such is the picture 
of this great wise man4  ,and here again
 do those frogs of the ,stoics croak at 
me and say that nothing is more         
miserable than madness4 ,but folly is   
the next degree1 if not the very thing4 
,for what else is madness than for a man
 to be out of his wits8 ,but to let them
 see how they are clean out of the way1 
with the ,muses' good favor we'll take  
this syllogism in pieces4 ,subtly       
argued1 ,i must confess1 but as         
,socrates in ,plato teaches us how by   
splitting one ,venus and one ,cupid to  

make two of either1 in like manner      
should those logicians have done and    
distinguished madness from madness1 if  
at least they would be thought to be    
well in their wits themselves4 ,for all 
madness is not miserable1 or ,horace had
 never called his poetical fury a       
beloved madness2 nor ,plato placed the  
raptures of poets1 prophets1 and lovers 
among the chiefest blessings of this    
life2 nor that sibyl in ,virgil called  
,aeneas' travels mad labors4 ,but there 
are two sorts of madness1 the one that  
which the revengeful ,furies send       
privily from hell1 as often as they let 
loose their snakes and put into men's   
breasts either the desire of war1 or an 
insatiate thirst after gold1 or some    
dishonest love1 or parricide1 or incest1
 or sacrilege1 or the like plagues1 or  
when they terrify some guilty soul with 
the conscience of his crimes2 the other1
 but nothing like this1 that which comes
 from me and is of all other things the 
most desirable2 which happens as often  

as some pleasing dotage not only clears 
the mind of its troublesome cares but   
renders it more jocund4 ,and this was   
that which1 as a special blessing of the
 gods1 ,cicero1 writing to his friend   
,atticus1 wished to himself1 that he    
might be the less sensible of those     
miseries that then hung over the        
commonwealth4  ,nor was that ,grecian in
 ,horace much wide of it1 who was so far
 made that he would sit by himself whole
 days in the theatre laughing and       
clapping his hands1 as if he had seen   
some tragedy acting1 whereas in truth   
there was nothing presented2 yet in     
other things a man well enough1 pleasant
 among his friends1 kind to his wife1   
and so good a master to his servants    
that if they had broken the seal of his 
bottle1 he would not have run mad for   
it4 ,but at last1 when by the care of   
his friends and physic he was freed from
 his distemper and become his own man   
again1 he thus expostulates with them1  
,now1 by ,pollux1 my friends1 you have  

rather killed than preserved me in thus 
forcing me from my pleasure4 ,by which  
you see he liked it so well that he lost
 it against his will4 ,and trust me1 ,i 
think they were the madder of the two1  
and had the greater need of hellebore1  
that should offer to look upon so       
pleasant a madness as an evil to be     
removed by physic2 though yet ,i have   
not determined whether every distemper  
of the sense or understanding be to be  
called madness4  ,for neither he that   
having weak eyes should take a mule for 
an ass1 nor he that should admire an    
insipid poem as excellent would be      
presently thought mad2 but he that not  
only errs in his senses but is deceived 
also in his judgment1 and that too more 
than ordinary and upon all              
occasions--he1 ,i must confess1 would be
 thought to come very near to it4 ,as if
 anyone hearing an ass bray should take 
it for excellent music1 or a beggar     
conceive himself a king4 ,and yet this  
kind of madness1 if1 as it commonly     

happens1 it turn to pleasure1 it brings 
a great delight not only to them that   
are possessed with it but to those also 
that behold it1 though perhaps they may 
not be altogether so mad as the other1  
for the species of this madness is much 
larger than the people take it to be4   
,for one mad man laughs at another1 and 
beget themselves a mutual pleasure4 ,nor
 does it seldom happen that he that is  
the more mad1 laughs at him that is less
 mad4 ,and in this every man is the more
 happy in how many respects the more he 
is mad2 and if ,i were judge in the     
case1 he should be ranged in that class 
of folly that is peculiarly mine1 which 
in truth is so large and universal that 
,i scarce know anyone in all mankind    
that is wise at all hours1 or has not   
some tang or other of madness4  ,and to 
this class do they appertain that slight
 everything in comparison of hunting and
 protest they take an unimaginable      
pleasure to hear the yell of the horns  
and the yelps of the hounds1 and ,i     

believe could pick somewhat             
extraordinary out of their very         
excrement4 ,and then what pleasure they 
take to see a buck or the like unlaced8 
,let ordinary fellows cut up an ox or a 
wether1 'twere a crime to have this done
 by anything less than a gentleman6 who 
with his hat off1 on his bare knees1 and
 a couteau for that purpose 7for every  
sword or knife is not allowable71 with a
 curious superstition and certain       
postures1 lays open the several parts in
 their respective order2 while they that
 hem him in admire it with silence1 as  
some new religious ceremony1 though     
perhaps they have seen it a hundred     
times before4 ,and if any of them chance
 to get the least piece of it1 he       
presently thinks himself no small       
gentleman4 ,in all which they drive at  
nothing more than to become beasts      
themselves1 while yet they imagine they 
live the life of princes4  ,and next    
these may be reckoned those that have   
such an itch of building2 one while     

changing rounds into squares1 and       
presently again squares into rounds1    
never knowing either measure or end1    
till at last1 reduced to the utmost     
poverty1 there remains not to them so   
much as a place where they may lay their
 head1 or wherewith to fill their       
bellies4 ,and why all this8 but that    
they may pass over a few years in       
feeding their foolish fancies4  ,and1 in
 my opinion1 next these may be reckoned 
such as with their new inventions and   
occult arts undertake to change the     
forms of things and hunt all about after
 a certain fifth essence2 men so        
bewitched with this present hope that it
 never repents them of their pains or   
expense1 but are ever contriving how    
they may cheat themselves1 till1 having 
spent all1 there is not enough left them
 to provide another furnace4 ,and yet   
they have not done dreaming these their 
pleasant dreams but encourage others1 as
 much as in them lies1 to the same      
happiness4 ,and at last1 when they are  

quite lost in all their expectations1   
they cheer up themselves with this      
sentence1 ,in great things the very     
attempt is enough1 and then complain of 
the shortness of man's life that is not 
sufficient for so great an              
understanding4  ,and then for gamesters1
 ,i am a little doubtful whether they   
are to be admitted into our college2 and
 yet 'tis a foolish and ridiculous sight
 to see some addicted so to it that they
 can no sooner hear the rattling of the 
dice but their heart leaps and dances   
again4 ,and then when time after time   
they are so far drawn on with the hopes 
of winning that they have made shipwreck
 of all1 and having split their ship on 
that rock of dice1 no less terrible than
 the bishop and his clerks1 scarce got  
alive to shore1 they choose rather to   
cheat any man of their just debts than  
not pay the money they lost1 lest       
otherwise1 forsooth1 they be thought no 
men of their words4 ,again what is it1  
,i pray1 to see old fellows and half    

blind to play with spectacles8 ,nay1 and
 when a justly deserved gout has knotted
 their knuckles1 to hire a caster1 or   
one that may put the dice in the box for
 them8 ,a pleasant thing1 ,i must       
confess1 did it not for the most part   
end in quarrels1 and therefore belongs  
rather to the ,furies than me4  ,but    
there is no doubt but that that kind of 
men are wholly ours who love to hear or 
tell feigned miracles and strange lies  
and are never weary of any tale1 though 
never so long1 so it be of ghosts1      
spirits1 goblins1 devils1 or the like2  
which the further they are from truth1  
the more readily they are believed and  
the more do they tickle their itching   
ears4 ,and these serve not only to pass 
away time but bring profit1 especially  
to mass priests and pardoners4 ,and next
 to these are they that have gotten a   
foolish but pleasant persuasion that if 
they can but see a wooden or painted    
,polypheme ,christopher1 they shall not 
die that day2 or do but salute a carved 

,barbara1 in the usual set form1 that he
 shall return safe from battle2 or make 
his application to ,erasmus on certain  
days with some small wax candles and    
proper prayers1 that he shall quickly be
 rich4 ,nay1 they have gotten a         
,hercules1 another ,hippolytus1 and a   
,st4 ,george1 whose horse most          
religiously set out with trappings and  
bosses there wants little but they      
worship2 however1 they endeavor to make 
him their friend by some present or     
other1 and to swear by his master's     
brazen helmet is an oath for a prince4  
,or what should ,i say of them that hug 
themselves with their counterfeit       
pardons2 that have measured purgatory by
 an hourglass1 and can without the least
 mistake demonstrate its ages1 years1   
months1 days1 hours1 minutes1 and       
seconds1 as it were in a mathematical   
table8 ,or what of those who1 having    
confidence in certain magical charms and
 short prayers invented by some pious   
imposter1 either for his soul's health  

or profit's sake1 promise to themselves 
everything3 wealth1 honor1 pleasure1    
plenty1 good health1 long life1 lively  
old age1 and the next place to ,christ  
in the other world1 which yet they      
desire may not happen too soon1 that is 
to say before the pleasures of this life
 have left them8  ,and now suppose some 
merchant1 soldier1 or judge1 out of so  
many rapines1 parts with some small     
piece of money4 ,he straight conceives  
all that sink of his whole life quite   
cleansed2 so many perjuries1 so many    
lusts1 so many debaucheries1 so many    
contentions1 so many murders1 so many   
deceits1 so many breaches of trusts1 so 
many treacheries bought off1 as it were 
by compact2 and so bought off that they 
may begin upon a new score4 ,but what is
 more foolish than those1 or rather more
 happy1 who daily reciting those seven  
verses of the ,psalms promise to        
themselves more than the top of         
felicity8 ,which magical verses some    
devil or other1 a merry one without     

doubt but more a blab of his tongue than
 crafty1 is believed to have discovered 
to ,st4 ,bernard1 but not without a     
trick4 ,and these are so foolish that ,i
 am half ashamed of them myself1 and yet
 they are approved1 and that not only by
 the common people but even the         
professors of religion4 ,and what1 are  
not they also almost the same where     
several countries avouch to themselves  
their peculiar saint1 and as everyone of
 them has his particular gift1 so also  
his particular form of worship8 ,as1 one
 is good for the toothache2 another for 
groaning women2 a third1 for stolen     
goods2 a fourth1 for making a voyage    
prosperous2 and a fifth1 to cure sheep  
of the rot2 and so of the rest1 for it  
would be too tedious to run over all4   
,and some there are that are good for   
more things than one2 but chiefly1 the  
,virgin ,mother1 to whom the common     
people do in a manner attribute more    
than to the ,son4  ,yet what do they beg
 of these saints but what belongs to    

folly8 ,to examine it a little4 ,among  
all those offerings which are so        
frequently hung up in churches1 nay up  
to the very roof of some of them1 did   
you ever see the least acknowledgment   
from anyone that had left his folly1 or 
grown a hair's breadth the wiser8 ,one  
escapes a shipwreck1 and he gets safe to
 shore4 ,another1 run through in a duel1
 recovers4 ,another1 while the rest were
 fighting1 ran out of the field1 no less
 luckily than valiantly4 ,another1      
condemned to be hanged1 by the favor of 
some saint or other1 a friend to        
thieves1 got off himself by impeaching  
his fellows4 ,another escaped by        
breaking prison4 ,another recovered from
 his fever in spite of his physician4   
,another's poison turning to a looseness
 proved his remedy rather than death2   
and that to his wife's no small sorrow1 
in that she lost both her labor and her 
charge4 ,another's cart broke1 and he   
saved his horses4 ,another preserved    
from the fall of a house4 ,all these    

hang up their tablets1 but no one gives 
thanks for his recovery from folly2 so  
sweet a thing it is not to be wise1 that
 on the contrary men rather pray against
 anything than folly4  ,but why do ,i   
launch out into this ocean of           
superstitions8 ,had ,i a hundred        
tongues1 as many mouths1 and a voice    
never so strong1 yet were ,i not able to
 run over the several sorts of fools or 
all the names of folly1 so thick do they
 swarm everywhere4 ,and yet your priests
 make no scruple to receive and cherish 
them as proper instruments of profit2   
whereas if some scurvy wise fellow      
should step up and speak things as they 
are1 as1 to live well is the way to die 
well2 the best way to get quit of sin is
 to add to the money you give the hatred
 of sin1 tears1 watchings1 prayers1     
fastings1 and amendment of life2 such or
 such a saint will favor you1 if you    
imitate his life--these1 ,i say1 and the
 like--should this wise man chat to the 
people1 from what happiness into how    

great troubles would he draw them8  ,of 
this college also are they who in their 
lifetime appoint with what solemnity    
they'll be buried1 and particularly set 
down how many torches1 how many         
mourners1 how many singers1 how many    
almsmen they will have at it2 as if any 
sense of it could come to them1 or that 
it were a shame to them that their      
corpse were not honorably interred2 so  
curious are they herein1 as if1 like the
 aediles of old1 these were to present  
some shows or banquet to the people4    
,and though ,i am in haste1 yet ,i      
cannot yet pass by them who1 though they
 differ nothing from the meanest        
cobbler1 yet 'tis scarcely credible how 
they flatter themselves with the empty  
title of nobility4 ,one derives his     
pedigree from ,aeneas1 another from     
,brutus1 a third from the star by the   
tail of ,ursa ,major4 ,they show you on 
every side the statues and pictures of  
their ancestors2 run over their         
great-grandfathers and the              

great-great-grandfathers of both lines1 
and the ancient matches of their        
families1 when themselves yet are but   
once removed from a statue1 if not worse
 than those trifles they boast of4 ,and 
yet by means of this pleasant self-love 
they live a happy life4 ,nor are they   
less fools who admire these beasts as if
 they were gods4  ,but what do ,i speak 
of any one or the other particular kind 
of men1 as if this self-love had not the
 same effect everywhere and rendered    
most men superabundantly happy8 ,as when
 a fellow1 more deformed than a baboon1 
shall believe himself handsomer than    
,homer's ,nereus4 ,another1 as soon as  
he can draw two or three lines with a   
compass1 presently thinks himself a     
,euclid4 ,a third1 that understands     
music no more than my horse1 and for his
 voice as hoarse as a dunghill cock1    
shall yet conceive himself another      
,hermogenes4 ,but of all madness that's 
the most pleasant when a man1 seeing    
another any way excellent in what he    

pretends to himself1 makes his boasts of
 it as confidently as if it were his    
own4 ,and such was that rich fellow in  
,seneca1 who whenever he told a story   
had his servants at his elbow to prompt 
him the names2 and to that height had   
they flattered him that he did not      
question but he might venture a rubber  
at cuffs1 a man otherwise so weak he    
could scarce stand1 only presuming on   
this1 that he had a company of sturdy   
servants about him4  ,or to what purpose
 is it ,i should mind you of our        
professors of arts8 ,forasmuch as this  
self-love is so natural to them all that
 they had rather part with their        
father's land than their foolish        
opinions2 but chiefly players1 fiddlers1
 orators1 and poets1 of which the more  
ignorant each of them is1 the more      
insolently he pleases himself1 that is  
to say vaunts and spreads out his       
plumes4 ,and like lips find like        
lettuce2 nay1 the more foolish anything 
is1 the more 'tis admired1 the greater  

number being ever tickled at the worst  
things1 because1 as ,i said before1 most
 men are so subject to folly4 ,and      
therefore if the more foolish a man is1 
the more he pleases himself and is      
admired by others1 to what purpose      
should he beat his brains about true    
knowledge1 which first will cost him    
dear1 and next render him the more      
troublesome and less confident1 and     
lastly1 please only a few8  ,and now ,i 
consider it1 ,nature has planted1 not   
only in particular men but even in every
 nation1 and scarce any city is there   
without it1 a kind of common self-love4 
,and hence is it that the ,english1     
besides other things1 particularly      
challenge to themselves beauty1 music1  
and feasting4 ,the ,scots are proud of  
their nobility1 alliance to the crown1  
and logical subtleties4 ,the ,french    
think themselves the only well-bred men4
 ,the ,parisians1 excluding all others1 
arrogate to themselves the only         
knowledge of divinity4 ,the ,italians   

affirm they are the only masters of good
 letters and eloquence1 and flatter     
themselves on this account1 that of all 
others they only are not barbarous4 ,in 
which kind of happiness those of ,rome  
claim the first place1 still dreaming to
 themselves of somewhat1 ,i know not    
what1 of old ,rome4 ,the ,venetians     
fancy themselves happy in the opinion of
 their nobility4 ,the ,greeks1 as if    
they were the only authors of sciences1 
swell themselves with the titles of the 
ancient heroes4 ,the ,turk1 and all that
 sink of the truly barbarous1 challenge 
to themselves the only glory of religion
 and laugh at ,christians as            
superstitious4 ,and much more pleasantly
 the ,jews expect to this day the coming
 of the ,messiah1 and so obstinately    
contend for their ,law of ,moses4 ,the  
,spaniards give place to none in the    
reputation of soldiery4 ,the ,germans   
pride themselves in their tallness of   
stature and skill in magic4  ,and1 not  
to instance in every particular1 you    

see1 ,i conceive1 how much satisfaction 
this ,self-love1 who has a sister also  
not unlike herself called ,flattery1    
begets everywhere2 for self-love is no  
more than the soothing of a man's self1 
which1 done to another1 is flattery4    
,and though perhaps at this day it may  
be thought infamous1 yet it is so only  
with them that are more taken with words
 than things4 ,they think truth is      
inconsistent with flattery1 but that it 
is much otherwise we may learn from the 
examples of true beasts4 ,what more     
fawning than a dog8 ,and yet what more  
trusty8 ,what has more of those little  
tricks than a squirrel8 ,and yet what   
more loving to man8 ,unless1 perhaps    
you'll say1 men had better converse with
 fierce lions1 merciless tigers1 and    
furious leopards4 ,for that flattery is 
the most pernicious of all things1 by   
means of which some treacherous persons 
and mockers have run the credulous into 
such mischief4 ,but this of mine        
proceeds from a certain gentleness and  

uprightness of mind and comes nearer to 
virtue than its opposite1 austerity1 or 
a morose and troublesome peevishness1 as
 ,horace calls it4 ,this supports the   
dejected1 relieves the distressed1      
encourages the fainting1 awakens the    
stupid1 refreshes the sick1 supplies the
 untractable1 joins loves together1 and 
keeps them so joined4 ,it entices       
children to take their learning1 makes  
old men frolic1 and1 under the color of 
praise1 does without offense both tell  
princes their faults and show them the  
way to amend them4 ,in short1 it makes  
every man the more jocund and acceptable
 to himself1 which is the chiefest point
 of felicity4 ,again1 what is more      
friendly than when two horses scrub one 
another8 ,and to say nothing of it1 that
 it's a main part of physic1 and the    
only thing in poetry2 'tis the delight  
and relish of all human society4  ,but  
'tis a sad thing1 they say1 to be       
mistaken4 ,nay rather1 he is most       
miserable that is not so4 ,for they are 

quite beside the mark that place the    
happiness of men in things themselves1  
since it only depends upon opinion4 ,for
 so great is the obscurity and variety  
of human affairs that nothing can be    
clearly known1 as it is truly said by   
our academics1 the least insolent of all
 the philosophers2 or if it could1 it   
would but obstruct the pleasure of life4
 ,lastly1 the mind of man is so framed  
that it is rather taken with the false  
colors than truth2 of which if anyone   
has a mind to make the experiment1 let  
him go to church and hear sermons1 in   
which if there be anything serious      
delivered1 the audience is either       
asleep1 yawning1 or weary of it2 but if 
the preacher--pardon my mistake1 ,i     
would have said declaimer--as too often 
it happens1 fall but into an old wives' 
story1 they're presently awake1 prick up
 their ears and gape after it4 ,in like 
manner1 if there be any poetical saint1 
or one of whom there goes more stories  
than ordinary1 as for example1 a        

,george1 a ,christopher1 or a ,barbara1 
you shall see him more religiously      
worshiped than ,peter1 ,paul1 or even   
,christ himself4 ,but these things are  
not for this place4  ,and now at how    
cheap a rate is this happiness          
purchased6 ,forasmuch as to the thing   
itself a man's whole endeavor is        
required1 be it never so inconsiderable2
 but the opinion of it is easily taken  
up1 which yet conduces as much or more  
to happiness4 ,for suppose a man were   
eating rotten stockfish1 the very smell 
of which would choke another1 and yet   
believed it a dish for the gods1 what   
difference is there as to his happiness8
 ,whereas on the contrary1 if another's 
stomach should turn at a sturgeon1      
wherein1 ,i pray1 is he happier than the
 other8 ,if a man have a crooked1       
ill-favored wife1 who yet in his eye may
 stand in competition with ,venus1 is it
 not the same as if she were truly      
beautiful8 ,or if seeing an ugly1       
ill-pointed piece1 he should admire the 

work as believing it some great master's
 hand1 were he not much happier1 think  
you1 than they that buy such things at  
vast rates1 and yet perhaps reap less   
pleasure from them than the other8 ,i   
know one of my name that gave his new   
married wife some counterfeit jewels1   
and as he was a pleasant droll1         
persuaded her that they were not only   
right but of an inestimable price2 and  
what difference1 ,i pray1 to her1 that  
was as well pleased and contented with  
glass and kept it as warily as if it had
 been a treasure8 ,in the meantime the  
husband saved his money and had this    
advantage of her folly1 that he obliged 
her as much as if he had bought them at 
a great rate4 ,or what difference1 think
 you1 between those in ,plato's         
imaginary cave that stand gaping at the 
shadows and figures of things1 so they  
please themselves and have no need to   
wish1 and that wise man1 who1 being got 
loose from them1 sees things truly as   
they are8 ,whereas that cobbler in      

,lucian if he might always have         
continued his golden dreams1 he would   
never have desired any other happiness4 
,so then there is no difference2 or1 if 
there be1 the fools have the advantage3 
first1 in that their happiness costs    
them least1 that is to say1 only some   
small persuasion2 next1 that they enjoy 
it in common4 ,and the possession of no 
good can be delightful without a        
companion4 ,for who does not know what a
 dearth there is of wise men1 if yet any
 one be to be found8 ,and though the    
,greeks for these so many ages have     
accounted upon seven only1 yet so help  
me ,hercules1 do but examine them       
narrowly1 and ,i'll be hanged if you    
find one half-witted fellow1 nay or so  
much as one-quarter of a wise man1 among
 them all4  ,for whereas among the many 
praises of ,bacchus they reckon this the
 chief1 that he washes away cares1 and  
that too in an instant1 do but sleep off
 his weak spirits1 and they come on     
again1 as we say1 on horseback4 ,but how

 much larger and more present is the    
benefit you receive by me1 since1 as it 
were with a perpetual drunkenness ,i    
fill your minds with mirth1 fancies1 and
 jollities1 and that too without any    
trouble8 ,nor is there any man living   
whom ,i let be without it2 whereas the  
gifts of the gods are scrambled1 some to
 one and some to another4 ,the sprightly
 delicious wine that drives away cares  
and leaves such a flavor behind it grows
 not everywhere4 ,beauty1 the gift of   
,venus1 happens to few2 and to fewer    
gives ,mercury eloquence4 ,hercules     
makes not everyone rich4 ,homer's       
,jupiter bestows not empire on all men4 
,mars oftentimes favors neither side4   
,many return sad from ,apollo's oracle4 
,phoebus sometimes shoots a plague among
 us4 ,neptune drowns more than he saves3
 to say nothing of those mischievous    
gods1 ,plutoes1 ,ates1 punishments1     
favors1 and the like1 not gods but      
executioners4 ,i am that only ,folly    
that so readily and indifferently       

bestows my benefits on all4 ,nor do ,i  
look to be entreated1 or am ,i subject  
to take pet1 and require an expiatory   
sacrifice if some ceremony be omitted4  
,nor do ,i beat heaven and earth        
together if1 when the rest of the gods  
are invited1 ,i am passed by or not     
admitted to the stream of their         
sacrifices4 ,for the rest of the gods   
are so curious in this point that such  
an omission may chance to spoil a man's 
business2 and therefore one has as good 
even let them alone as worship them3    
just like some men1 who are so hard to  
please1 and withall so ready to do      
mischief1 that 'tis better be a stranger
 than have any familiarity with them4   
,but no man1 you'll say1 ever sacrificed
 to ,folly or built me a temple4 ,and   
troth1 as ,i said before1 ,i cannot but 
wonder at the ingratitude2 yet because  
,i am easily to be entreated1 ,i take   
this also in good part1 though truly ,i 
can scarce request it4 ,for why should  
,i require incense1 wafers1 a goat1 or  

sow when all men pay me that worship    
everywhere which is so much approved    
even by our very divines8 ,unless       
perhaps ,i should envy ,diana that her  
sacrifices are mingled with human blood4
 ,then do ,i conceive myself most       
religiously worshiped when everywhere1  
as 'tis generally done1 men embrace me  
in their minds1 express me in their     
manners1 and represent me in their      
lives1 which worship of the saints is   
not so ordinary among ,christians4 ,how 
many are there that burn candles to the 
,virgin ,mother1 and that too at noonday
 when there's no need of them6 ,but how 
few are there that study to imitate her 
in pureness of life1 humility and love  
of heavenly things1 which is the true   
worship and most acceptable to heaven6  
,besides why should ,i desire a temple  
when the whole world is my temple1 and  
,i'm deceived or 'tis a goodly one8 ,nor
 can ,i want priests but in a land where
 there are no men4 ,nor am ,i yet so    
foolish as to require statues or painted

 images1 which do often obstruct my     
worship1 since among the stupid and     
gross multitude those figures are       
worshiped for the saints themselves4    
,and so it would fare with me1 as it    
does with them that are turned out of   
doors by their substitutes4 ,no1 ,i have
 statues enough1 and as many as there   
are men1 everyone bearing my lively     
resemblance in his face1 how unwilling  
so ever he be to the contrary4 ,and     
therefore there is no reason why ,i     
should envy the rest of the gods if in  
particular places they have their       
particular worship1 and that too on set 
days--as ,phoebus at ,rhodes2 at        
,cyprus1 ,venus2 at ,argos1 ,juno2 at   
,athens1 ,minerva2 in ,olympus1         
,jupiter2 at ,tarentum1 ,neptune2 and   
near the ,hellespont1 ,priapus--as long 
as the world in general performs me     
every day much better sacrifices4       
,wherein notwithstanding if ,i shall    
seem to anyone to have spoken more      
boldly than truly1 let us1 if you       

please1 look a little into the lives of 
men1 and it will easily appear not only 
how much they owe to me1 but how much   
they esteem me even from the highest to 
the lowest4 ,and yet we will not run    
over the lives of everyone1 for that    
would be too long1 but only some few of 
the great ones1 from whence we shall    
easily conjecture the rest4 ,for to what
 purpose is it to say anything of the   
common people1 who without dispute are  
wholly mine8 ,for they abound everywhere
 with so many several sorts of folly1   
and are every day so busy in inventing  
new1 that a thousand ,democriti are too 
few for so general a laughter though    
there were another ,democritus to laugh 
at them too4 ',tis almost incredible    
what sport and pastime they daily make  
the gods2 for though they set aside     
their sober forenoon hours to dispatch  
business and receive prayers1 yet when  
they begin to be well whittled with     
nectar and cannot think of anything     
that's serious1 they get them up into   

some part of heaven that has better     
prospect than other and thence look down
 upon the actions of men4 ,nor is there 
anything that pleases them better4      
,good1 good6 what an excellent sight it 
is6 ,how many several hurly-burlies of  
fools6 for ,i myself sometimes sit among
 those poetical gods4  ,here's one      
desperately in love with a young wench1 
and the more she slights him the more   
outrageously he loves her4 ,another     
marries a woman's money1 not herself4   
,another's jealousy keeps more eyes on  
her than ,argos4 ,another becomes a     
mourner1 and how foolishly he carries   
it6 nay1 hires others to bear him       
company to make it more ridiculous4     
,another weeps over his mother-in-law's 
grave4 ,another spends all he can rap   
and run on his belly1 to be the more    
hungry after it4 ,another thinks there  
is no happiness but in sleep and        
idleness4 ,another turmoils himself     
about other men's business and neglects 
his own4 ,another thinks himself rich in

 taking up moneys and changing          
securities1 as we say borrowing of      
,peter to pay ,paul1 and in a short time
 becomes bankrupt4 ,another starves     
himself to enrich his heir4 ,another for
 a small and uncertain gain exposes his 
life to the casualties of seas and      
winds1 which yet no money can restore4  
,another had rather get riches by war   
than live peaceably at home4 ,and some  
there are that think them easiest       
attained by courting old childless men  
with presents2 and others again by      
making rich old women believe they love 
them2 both which afford the gods most   
excellent pastime1 to see them cheated  
by those persons they thought to have   
over-caught4 ,but the most foolish and  
basest of all others are our merchants1 
to wit such as venture on everything be 
it never so dishonest1 and manage it no 
better2 who though they lie by no       
allowance1 swear and forswear1 steal1   
cozen1 and cheat1 yet shuffle themselves
 into the first rank1 and all because   

they have gold rings on their fingers4  
,nor are they without their flattering  
friars that admire them and give them   
openly the title of honorable1 in hopes1
 no doubt1 to get some small snip of it 
themselves4  ,there are also a kind of  
,pythagoreans with whom all things are  
so common that if they get anything     
under their cloaks1 they make no more   
scruple of carrying it away than if it  
were their own by inheritance4 ,there   
are others too that are only rich in    
conceit1 and while they fancy to        
themselves pleasant dreams1 conceive    
that enough to make them happy4 ,some   
desire to be accounted wealthy abroad   
and are yet ready to starve at home4    
,one makes what haste he can to set all 
going1 and another rakes it together by 
right or wrong4 ,this man is ever       
laboring for public honors1 and another 
lies sleeping in a chimney corner4 ,a   
great many undertake endless suits and  
outvie one another who shall most enrich
 the dilatory judge or corrupt advocate4

 ,one is all for innovations and another
 for some great he-knows-not-what4      
,another leaves his wife and children at
 home and goes to ,jerusalem1 ,rome1 or 
in pilgrimage to ,st4 ,james's where he 
has no business4 ,in short1 if a man    
like ,menippus of old could look down   
from the moon and behold those          
innumerable rufflings of mankind1 he    
would think he saw a swarm of flies and 
gnats quarreling among themselves1      
fighting1 laying traps for one another1 
snatching1 playing1 wantoning1 growing  
up1 falling1 and dying4 ,nor is it to be
 believed what stir1 what broils1 this  
little creature raises1 and yet in how  
short a time it comes to nothing itself2
 while sometimes war1 other times       
pestilence1 sweeps off many thousands of
 them together4  ,but let me be most    
foolish myself1 and one whom ,democritus
 may not only laugh at but flout1 if ,i 
go one foot further in the discovery of 
the follies and madnesses of the common 
people4 ,i'll betake me to them that    

carry the reputation of wise men and    
hunt after that golden bough1 as says   
the proverb4 ,among whom the grammarians
 hold the first place1 a generation of  
men than whom nothing would be more     
miserable1 nothing more perplexed1      
nothing more hated of the gods1 did not 
,i allay the troubles of that pitiful   
profession with a certain kind of       
pleasant madness4 ,for they are not only
 subject to those five curses with which
 ,home begins his ,iliads1 as says the  
,greek epigram1 but six hundred2 as     
being ever hunger-starved and slovens in
 their schools--schools1 did ,i say8    
,nay1 rather cloisters1 bridewells1 or  
slaughterhouses--grown old among a      
company of boys1 deaf with their noise1 
and pined away with stench and          
nastiness4 ,and yet by my courtesy it is
 that they think themselves the most    
excellent of all men1 so greatly do they
 please themselves in frighting a       
company of fearful boys with a          
thundering voice and big looks1         

tormenting them with ferules1 rods1 and 
whips2 and1 laying about them without   
fear or wit1 imitate the ass in the     
lion's skin4 ,in the meantime all that  
nastiness seems absolute spruceness1    
that stench a perfume1 and that         
miserable slavery a kingdom1 and such   
too as they would not change their      
tyranny for ,phalaris' or ,dionysius'   
empire4 ,nor are they less happy in that
 new opinion they have taken up of being
 learned2 for whereas most of them beat 
into boys' heads nothing but foolish    
toys1 yet1 you good gods6 what ,palemon1
 what ,donatus1 do they not scorn in    
comparison of themselves8 ,and so1 ,i   
know not by what tricks1 they bring it  
about that to their boys' foolish       
mothers and dolt-headed fathers they    
pass for such as they fancy themselves4 
,add to this that other pleasure of     
theirs1 that if any of them happen to   
find out who was ,anchises' mother1 or  
pick out of some worm-eaten manuscript a
 word not commonly known--as suppose it 

bubsequa for a cowherd1 bovinator for a 
wrangler1 manticulator for a            
cutpurse--or dig up the ruins of some   
ancient monument with the letters half  
eaten out2 ,o ,jupiter6 what towerings6 
what triumphs6 what commendations6 as if
 they had conquered ,africa or taken in 
,babylon4  ,but what of this when they  
give up and down their foolish insipid  
verses1 and there wants not others that 
admire them as much8 ,they believe      
presently that ,virgil's soul is        
transmigrated into them6 ,but nothing   
like this1 when with mutual compliments 
they praise1 admire1 and claw one       
another4 ,whereas if another do but slip
 a word and one more quick-sighted than 
the rest discover it by accident1 ,o    
,hercules6 what uproars1 what           
bickerings1 what taunts1 what           
invectives6 ,if ,i lie1 let me have the 
ill will of all the grammarians4 ,i knew
 in my time one of many arts1 a         
,grecian1 a ,latinist1 a mathematician1 
a philosopher1 a physician1 a man master

 of them all1 and sixty years of age1   
who1 laying by all the rest1 perplexed  
and tormented himself for above twenty  
years in the study of grammar1 fully    
reckoning himself a prince if he might  
but live so long till he could certainly
 determine how the eight parts of speech
 were to be distinguished1 which none of
 the ,greeks or ,latins had yet fully   
cleared3 as if it were a matter to be   
decided by the sword if a man made an   
adverb of a conjunction4 ,and for this  
cause is it that we have as many        
grammars as grammarians2 nay more1      
forasmuch as my friend ,aldus has given 
us above five1 not passing by any kind  
of grammar1 how barbarously or tediously
 soever compiled1 which he has not      
turned over and examined2 envying every 
man's attempts in this kind1 how to be  
pitied than happy1 as persons that are  
ever tormenting themselves2 adding1     
changing1 putting in1 blotting out1     
revising1 reprinting1 showing it to     
friends1 and nine years in correcting1  

yet never fully satisfied2 at so great a
 rate do they purchase this vain reward1
 to wit1 praise1 and that too of a very 
few1 with so many watchings1 so much    
sweat1 so much vexation and loss of     
sleep1 the most precious of all things4 
,add to this the waste of health1 spoil 
of complexion1 weakness of eyes or      
rather blindness1 poverty1 envy1        
abstinence from pleasure1 over-hasty old
 age1 untimely death1 and the like2 so  
highly does this wise man value the     
approbation of one or two blear-eyed    
fellows4 ,but how much happier is this  
my writer's dotage who never studies for
 anything but puts in writing whatever  
he pleases or what comes first in his   
head1 though it be but his dreams2 and  
all this with small waste of paper1 as  
well knowing that the vainer those      
trifles are1 the higher esteem they will
 have with the greater number1 that is  
to say all the fools and unlearned4 ,and
 what matter is it to slight those few  
learned if yet they ever read them8 ,or 

of what authority will the censure of so
 few wise men be against so great a     
cloud of gainsayers8  ,but they are the 
wiser that put out other men's works for
 their own1 and transfer that glory     
which others with great pains have      
obtained to themselves2 relying on this1
 that they conceive1 though it should so
 happen that their theft be never so    
plainly detected1 that yet they should  
enjoy the pleasure of it for the        
present4 ,and 'tis worth one's while to 
consider how they please themselves when
 they are applauded by the common       
people1 pointed at in a crowd1 ,this is 
that excellent person2 lie on           
booksellers' stalls2 and in the top of  
every page have three hard words read1  
but chiefly exotic and next degree to   
conjuring2 which1 by the immortal gods6 
what are they but mere words8 ,and      
again1 if you consider the world1 by how
 few understood1 and praised by fewer6  
for even among the unlearned there are  
different palates4 ,or what is it that  

their own very names are often          
counterfeit or borrowed from some books 
of the ancients8 ,when one styles       
himself ,telemachus1 another ,sthenelus1
 a third ,laertes1 a fourth ,polycrates1
 a fifth ,thrasymachus4 ,so that there  
is no difference whether they title     
their books with the ,tale of a ,tub1   
or1 according to the philosophers1 by   
alpha1 beta4  ,but the most pleasant of 
all is to see them praise one another   
with reciprocal epistles1 verses1 and   
encomiums2 fools their fellow fools1 and
 dunces their brother dunces4 ,this1 in 
the other's opinion1 is an absolute     
,alcaeus2 and the other1 in his1 a very 
,callimachus4 ,he looks upon ,tully as  
nothing to the other1 and the other     
again pronounces him more learned than  
,plato4 ,and sometimes too they pick out
 their antagonist and think to raise    
themselves a fame by writing one against
 the other2 while the giddy multitude   
are so long divided to whether of the   
two they shall determine the victory1   

till each goes off conqueror1 and1 as if
 he had done some great action1 fancies 
himself a triumph4 ,and now wise men    
laugh at these things as foolish1 as    
indeed they are4 ,who denies it8 ,yet in
 the meantime1 such is my kindness to   
them1 they live a merry life and would  
not change their imaginary triumphs1 no1
 not with the ,scipioes4 ,while yet     
those learned men1 though they laugh    
their fill and reap the benefit of the  
other's folly1 cannot without           
ingratitude deny but that even they too 
are not a little beholding to me        
themselves4  ,and among them our        
advocates challenge the first place1 nor
 is there any sort of people that please
 themselves like them3 for while they   
daily roll ,sisyphus his stone1 and     
quote you a thousand cases1 as it were1 
in a breath no matter how little to the 
purpose1 and heap glosses upon glosses1 
and opinions on the neck of opinions1   
they bring it at last to this pass1 that
 that study of all other seems the most 

difficult4 ,add to these our logicians  
and sophists1 a generation of men more  
prattling than an echo and the worst of 
them able to outchat a hundred of the   
best picked gossips4 ,and yet their     
condition would be much better were they
 only full of words and not so given to 
scolding that they most obstinately hack
 and hew one another about a matter of  
nothing and make such a sputter about   
terms and words till they have quite    
lost the sense4 ,and yet they are so    
happy in the good opinion of themselves 
that as soon as they are furnished with 
two or three syllogisms1 they dare      
boldly enter the lists against any man  
upon any point1 as not doubting but to  
run him down with noise1 though the     
opponent were another ,stentor4  ,and   
next these come our philosophers1 so    
much reverenced for their furred gowns  
and starched beards that they look upon 
themselves as the only wise men and all 
others as shadows4 ,and yet how         
pleasantly do they dote while they frame

 in their heads innumerable worlds2     
measure out the sun1 the moon1 the      
stars1 nay and heaven itself1 as it     
were1 with a pair of compasses2 lay down
 the causes of lightning1 winds1        
eclipses1 and other the like            
inexplicable matters2 and all this too  
without the least doubting1 as if they  
were ,nature's secretaries1 or dropped  
down among us from the council of the   
gods2 while in the meantime ,nature     
laughs at them and all their blind      
conjectures4 ,for that they know        
nothing1 even this is a sufficient      
argument1 that they don't agree among   
themselves and so are incomprehensible  
touching every particular4 ,these1      
though they have not the least degree of
 knowledge1 profess yet that they have  
mastered all2 nay1 though they neither  
know themselves1 nor perceive a ditch or
 block that lies in their way1 for that 
perhaps most of them are half blind1 or 
their wits a wool-gathering1 yet give   
out that they have discovered ideas1    

universalities1 separated forms1 first  
matters1 quiddities1 haecceities1       
formalities1 and the like stuff2 things 
so thin and bodiless that ,i believe    
even ,lynceus himself was not able to   
perceive them4 ,but then chiefly do they
 disdain the unhallowed crowd as often  
as with their triangles1 quadrangles1   
circles1 and the like mathematical      
devices1 more confounded than a         
labyrinth1 and letters disposed one     
against the other1 as it were in battle 
array1 they cast a mist before the eyes 
of the ignorant4 ,nor is there wanting  
of this kind some that pretend to       
foretell things by the stars and make   
promises of miracles beyond all things  
of soothsaying1 and are so fortunate as 
to meet with people that believe them4  
,but perhaps ,i had better pass over our
 divines in silence and not stir this   
pool or touch this fair but unsavory    
plant1 as a kind of men that are        
supercilious beyond comparison1 and to  
that too1 implacable2 lest setting them 

about my ears1 they attack me by troops 
and force me to a recantation sermon1   
which if ,i refuse1 they straight       
pronounce me a heretic4 ,for this is the
 thunderbolt with which they fright     
those whom they are resolved not to     
favor4 ,and truly1 though there are few 
others that less willingly acknowledge  
the kindnesses ,i have done them1 yet   
even these too stand fast bound to me   
upon no ordinary accounts2 while being  
happy in their own opinion1 and as if   
they dwelt in the third heaven1 they    
look with haughtiness on all others as  
poor creeping things and could almost   
find in their hearts to pity them2 while
 hedged in with so many magisterial     
definitions1 conclusions1 corollaries1  
propositions explicit and implicit1 they
 abound with so many starting-holes that
 ,vulcan's net cannot hold them so fast1
 but they'll slip through with their    
distinctions1 with which they so easily 
cut all knots asunder that a hatchet    
could not have done it better1 so       

plentiful are they in their new-found   
words and prodigious terms4 ,besides1   
while they explicate the most hidden    
mysteries according to their own        
fancy--as how the world was first made2 
how original sin is derived to          
posterity2 in what manner1 how much     
room1 and how long time ,christ lay in  
the ,virgin's womb2 how accidents       
subsist in the ,eucharist without their 
subject4  ,but these are common and     
threadbare2 these are worthy of our     
great and illuminated divines1 as the   
world calls them6 ,at these1 if ever    
they fall athwart them1 they prick      
up--as whether there was any instant of 
time in the generation of the ,second   
,person2 whether there be more than one 
filiation in ,christ2 whether it be a   
possible proposition that ,god the      
,father hates the ,son2 or whether it   
was possible that ,christ could have    
taken upon ,him the likeness of a woman1
 or of the devil1 or of an ass1 or of a 
stone1 or of a gourd2 and then how that 

gourd should have preached1 wrought     
miracles1 or been hung on the cross2 and
 what ,peter had consecrated if he had  
administered the ,sacrament at what time
 the body of ,christ hung upon the      
cross2 or whether at the same time he   
might be said to be man2 whether after  
the ,resurrection there will be any     
eating and drinking1 since we are so    
much afraid of hunger and thirst in this
 world4 ,there are infinite of these    
subtle trifles1 and others more subtle  
than these1 of notions1 relations1      
instants1 formalities1 quiddities1      
haecceities1 which no one can perceive  
without a ,lynceus whose eyes could look
 through a stone wall and discover those
 things through the thickest darkness   
that never were4  ,add to this those    
their other determinations1 and those   
too so contrary to common opinion that  
those oracles of the ,stoics1 which they
 call paradoxes1 seem in comparison of  
these but blockish and idle--as 'tis a  
lesser crime to kill a thousand men than

 to set a stitch on a poor man's shoe on
 the ,sabbath day2 and that a man should
 rather choose that the whole world with
 all food and raiment1 as they say1     
should perish1 than tell a lie1 though  
never so inconsiderable4 ,and these most
 subtle subtleties are rendered yet more
 subtle by the several methods of so    
many ,schoolmen1 that one might sooner  
wind himself out of a labyrinth than the
 entanglements of the realists1         
nominalists1 ,thomists1 ,albertists1    
,occamists1 ,scotists4 ,nor have ,i     
named all the several sects1 but only   
some of the chief2 in all which there is
 so much doctrine and so much difficulty
 that ,i may well conceive the apostles1
 had they been to deal with these new   
kind of divines1 had needed to have     
prayed in aid of some other spirit4     
,paul knew what faith was1 and yet when 
he said1 ,faith is the substance of     
things hoped for1 and the evidence of   
things not seen1 he did not define it   
doctor-like4 ,and as he understood      

charity well himself1 so he did as      
illogically divide and define it to     
others in his first ,epistle to the     
,corinthians1 ,chapter the thirteenth4  
,and devoutly1 no doubt1 did the        
apostles consecrate the ,eucharist2 yet1
 had they been asked the question       
touching the terminus a quo and the     
terminus ad quem of transubstantiation2 
of the manner how the same body can be  
in several places at one and the same   
time2 of the difference the body of     
,christ has in heaven from that of the  
cross1 or this in the ,sacrament2 in    
what point of time transubstantiation   
is1 whereas prayer1 by means of which it
 is1 as being a discrete quantity1 is   
transient2 they would not1 ,i conceive1 
have answered with the same subtlety as 
the ,scotists dispute and define it4    
,they knew the mother of ,jesus1 but    
which of them has so philosophically    
demonstrated how she was preserved from 
original sin as have done our divines8  
,peter received the keys1 and from ,him 

too that would not have trusted them    
with a person unworthy2 yet whether he  
had understanding or no1 ,i know not1   
for certainly he never attained to that 
subtlety to determine how he could have 
the key of knowledge that had no        
knowledge himself4 ,they baptized far   
and near1 and yet taught nowhere what   
was the formal1 material1 efficient1 and
 final cause of baptism1 nor made the   
least mention of delible and indelible  
characters4 ,they worshiped1 'tis true1 
but in spirit1 following herein no other
 than that of the ,gospel1 ,god is a    
,spirit1 and they that worship1 must    
worship him in spirit and truth2 yet it 
does not appear it was at that time     
revealed to them that an image sketched 
on the wall with a coal was to be       
worshiped with the same worship as      
,christ ,himself1 if at least the two   
forefingers be stretched out1 the hair  
long and uncut1 and have three rays     
about the crown of the head4 ,for who   
can conceive these things1 unless he has

 spent at least six and thirty years in 
the philosophical and supercelestial    
whims of ,aristotle and the ,schoolmen8 
,in like manner1 the apostles press to  
us grace2 but which of them             
distinguishes between free grace and    
grace that makes a man acceptable8 ,they
 exhort us to good works1 and yet       
determine not what is the work working1 
and what a resting in the work done4    
,they incite us to charity1 and yet make
 no difference between charity infused  
and charity wrought in us by our own    
endeavors4 ,nor do they declare whether 
it be an accident or a substance1 a     
thing created or uncreated4 ,they detest
 and abominate sin1 but let me not live 
if they could define according to art   
what that is which we call sin1 unless  
perhaps they were inspired by the spirit
 of the ,scotists4 ,nor can ,i be       
brought to believe that ,paul1 by whose 
learning you may judge the rest1 would  
have so often condemned questions1      
disputes1 genealogies1 and1 as himself  

calls them1 strifes of words1 if he had 
thoroughly understood those subtleties1 
especially when all the debates and     
controversies of those times were rude  
and blockish in comparison of the more  
than ,chrysippean subtleties of our     
masters4 ,although yet the gentlemen are
 so modest that if they meet with       
anything written by the apostles not so 
smooth and even as might be expected    
from a master1 they do not presently    
condemn it but handsomely bend it to    
their own purpose1 so great respect and 
honor do they give1 partly to antiquity 
and partly to the name of apostle4 ,and 
truly 'twas a kind of injustice to      
require so great things of them that    
never heard the least word from their   
masters concerning it4 ,and so if the   
like happen in ,chrysostom1 ,basil1     
,jerome1 they think it enough to say    
they are not obliged by it4  ,the       
apostles also confuted the heathen      
philosophers and ,jews1 a people than   
whom none more obstinate1 but rather by 

their good lives and miracles than      
syllogisms3 and yet there was scarce one
 among them that was capable of         
understanding the least quodlibet of the
 ,scotists4 ,but now1 where is that     
heathen or heretic that must not        
presently stoop to such wire-drawn      
subtleties1 unless he be so             
thick-skulled that he can't apprehend   
them1 or so impudent as to hiss them    
down1 or1 being furnished with the same 
tricks1 be able to make his party good  
with them8 ,as if a man should set a    
conjurer on work against a conjurer1 or 
fight with one hallowed sword against   
another1 which would prove no other than
 a work to no purpose4 ,for my own part 
,i conceive the ,christians would do    
much better if instead of those dull    
troops and companies of soldiers with   
which they have managed their war with  
such doubtful success1 they would send  
the bawling ,scotists1 the most         
obstinate ,occamists1 and invincible    
,albertists to war against the ,turks   

and ,saracens2 and they would see1 ,i   
guess1 a most pleasant combat and such a
 victory as was never before4 ,for who  
is so faint whom their devices will not 
enliven8 who so stupid whom such spurs  
can't quicken8 or who so quick-sighted  
before whose eyes they can't cast a     
mist8  ,but you'll say1 ,i jest4 ,nor   
are you without cause1 since even among 
divines themselves there are some that  
have learned better and are ready to    
turn their stomachs at those foolish    
subtleties of the others4 ,there are    
some that detest them as a kind of      
sacrilege and count it the height of    
impiety to speak so irreverently of such
 hidden things1 rather to be adored than
 explicated2 to dispute of them with    
such profane and heathenish niceties2 to
 define them so arrogantly and pollute  
the majesty of divinity with such       
pithless and sordid terms and opinions4 
,meantime the others please1 nay hug    
themselves in their happiness1 and are  
so taken up with these pleasant trifles 

that they have not so much leisure as to
 cast the least eye on the ,gospel or   
,st4 ,paul's epistles4 ,and while they  
play the fool at this rate in their     
schools1 they make account the universal
 church would otherwise perish1 unless1 
as the poets fancied of ,atlas that he  
supported heaven with his shoulders1    
they underpropped the other with their  
syllogistical buttresses4 ,and how great
 a happiness is this1 think you8 while1 
as if ,holy ,writ were a nose of wax1   
they fashion and refashion it according 
to their pleasure2 while they require   
that their own conclusions1 subscribed  
by two or three ,schoolmen1 be accounted
 greater than ,solon's laws and         
preferred before the papal decretals2   
while1 as censors of the world1 they    
force everyone to a recantation that    
differs but a hair's breadth from the   
least of their explicit or implicit     
determinations4 ,and those too they     
pronounce like oracles4 ,this           
proposition is scandalous2 this         

irreverent2 this has a smack of heresy2 
this no very good sound3 so that neither
 baptism1 nor the ,gospel1 nor ,paul1   
nor ,peter1 nor ,st4 ,jerome1 nor ,st4  
,augustine1 no nor most ,aristotelian   
,thomas himself can make a man a        
,christian1 without these bachelors too 
be pleased to give him his grace4 ,and  
the like in their subtlety in judging2  
for who would think he were no          
,christian that should say these two    
speeches matula putes and matula putet1 
or ollae fervere and ollam fervere were 
not both good ,latin1 unless their      
wisdoms had taught us the contrary8 who 
had delivered the church from such mists
 of error1 which yet no one ever met    
with1 had they not come out with some   
university seal for it8 ,and are they   
not most happy while they do these      
things8  ,then for what concerns hell1  
how exactly they describe everything1 as
 if they had been conversant in that    
commonwealth most part of their time6   
,again1 how do they frame in their fancy

 new orbs1 adding to those we have      
already an eighth6 a goodly one1 no     
doubt1 and spacious enough1 lest perhaps
 their happy souls might lack room to   
walk in1 entertain their friends1 and   
now and then play at football4 ,and with
 these and a thousand the like fopperies
 their heads are so full stuffed and    
stretched that ,i believe ,jupiter's    
brain was not near so big when1 being in
 labor with ,pallas1 he was beholding to
 the midwifery of ,vulcan's axe4 ,and   
therefore you must not wonder if in     
their public disputes they are so bound 
about the head1 lest otherwise perhaps  
their brains might leap out4 ,nay1 ,i   
have sometimes laughed myself to see    
them so tower in their own opinion when 
they speak most barbarously2 and when   
they humh and hawh so pitifully that    
none but one of their own tribe can     
understand them1 they call it heights   
which the vulgar can't reach2 for they  
say 'tis beneath the dignity of divine  
mysteries to be cramped and tied up to  

the narrow rules of grammarians3 from   
whence we may conjecture the great      
prerogative of divines1 if they only    
have the privilege of speaking          
corruptly1 in which yet every cobbler   
thinks himself concerned for his share4 
,lastly1 they look upon themselves as   
somewhat more than men as often as they 
are devoutly saluted by the name of ,our
 ,masters1 in which they fancy there    
lies as much as in the ,jews' ,jehovah2 
and therefore they reckon it a crime if 
,magister ,noster be written other than 
in capital letters2 and if anyone should
 preposterously say ,noster ,magister1  
he has at once overturned the whole body
 of divinity4  ,and next these come     
those that commonly call themselves the 
religious and monks1 most false in both 
titles1 when both a great part of them  
are farthest from religion1 and no men  
swarm thicker in all places than        
themselves4 ,nor can ,i think of        
anything that could be more miserable   
did not ,i support them so many several 

ways4 ,for whereas all men detest them  
to that height1 that they take it for   
ill luck to meet one of them by chance1 
yet such is their happiness that they   
flatter themselves4 ,for first1 they    
reckon it one of the main points of     
piety if they are so illiterate that    
they can't so much as read4 ,and then   
when they run over their offices1 which 
they carry about them1 rather by tale   
than understanding1 they believe the    
gods more than ordinarily pleased with  
their braying4 ,and some there are among
 them that put off their trumperies at  
vast rates1 yet rove up and down for the
 bread they eat2 nay1 there is scarce an
 inn1 wagon1 or ship into which they    
intrude not1 to the no small damage of  
the commonwealth of beggars4 ,and yet1  
like pleasant fellows1 with all this    
vileness1 ignorance1 rudeness1 and      
impudence1 they represent to us1 for so 
they call it1 the lives of the apostles4
 ,yet what is more pleasant than that   
they do all things by rule and1 as it   

were1 a kind of mathematics1 the least  
swerving from which were a crime beyond 
forgiveness--as how many knots their    
shoes must be tied with1 of what color  
everything is1 what distinction of      
habits1 of what stuff made1 how many    
straws broad their girdles and of what  
fashion1 how many bushels wide their    
cowl1 how many fingers long their hair1 
and how many hours sleep2 which exact   
equality1 how disproportionate it is1   
among such variety of bodies and        
tempers1 who is there that does not     
perceive it8 ,and yet by reason of these
 fooleries they not only set slight by  
others1 but each different order1 men   
otherwise professing apostolical        
charity1 despise one another1 and for   
the different wearing of a habit1 or    
that 'tis of darker color1 they put all 
things in combustion4 ,and among these  
there are some so rigidly religious that
 their upper garment is haircloth1 their
 inner of the finest linen2 and1 on the 
contrary1 others wear linen without and 

hair next their skins4 ,others1 again1  
are as afraid to touch money as poison1 
and yet neither forbear wine nor        
dallying with women4 ,in a word1 'tis   
their only care that none of them come  
near one another in their manner of     
living1 nor do they endeavor how they   
may be like ,christ1 but how they may   
differ among themselves4  ,and another  
great happiness they conceive in their  
names1 while they call themselves       
,cordiliers1 and among these too1 some  
are ,colletes1 some ,minors1 some       
,minims1 some ,crossed2 and again1 these
 are ,benedictines1 those ,bernardines2 
these ,carmelites1 those ,augustines2   
these ,williamites1 and those           
,jacobines2 as if it were not worth the 
while to be called ,christians4 ,and of 
these1 a great part build so much on    
their ceremonies and petty traditions of
 men that they think one heaven is too  
poor a reward for so great merit1 little
 dreaming that the time will come when  
,christ1 not regarding any of these     

trifles1 will call them to account for  
,his precept of charity4 ,one shall show
 you a large trough full of all kinds of
 fish2 another tumble you out so many   
bushels of prayers2 another reckon you  
so many myriads of fasts1 and fetch them
 up again in one dinner by eating till  
he cracks again2 another produces more  
bundles of ceremonies than seven of the 
stoutest ships would be able to carry2  
another brags he has not touched a penny
 these three score years without two    
pair of gloves at least upon his hands2 
another wears a cowl so lined with      
grease that the poorest tarpaulin would 
not stoop to take it up2 another will   
tell you he has lived these fifty-five  
years like a sponge1 continually        
fastened to the same place2 another is  
grown hoarse with his daily chanting2   
another has contracted a lethargy by his
 solitary living2 and another the palsy 
in his tongue for want of speaking4 ,but
 ,christ1 interrupting them in their    
vanities1 which otherwise were endless1 

will ask them1 ,whence this new kind of 
,jews8 ,i acknowledge one commandment1  
which is truly mine1 of which alone ,i  
hear nothing4 ,i promised1 'tis true1 my
 ,father's heritage1 and that without   
parables1 not to cowls1 odd prayers1 and
 fastings1 but to the duties of faith   
and charity4 ,nor can ,i acknowledge    
them that least acknowledge their       
faults4 ,they that would seem holier    
than myself1 let them if they like      
possess to themselves those three       
hundred sixty-five heavens of ,basilides
 the heretic's invention1 or command    
them whose foolish traditions they have 
preferred before my precepts to erect   
them a new one4 ,when they shall hear   
these things and see common ordinary    
persons preferred before them1 with what
 countenance1 think you1 will they      
behold one another8 ,in the meantime    
they are happy in their hopes1 and for  
this also they are beholding to me4     
,and yet these kind of people1 though   
they are as it were of another          

commonwealth1 no man dares despise1     
especially those begging friars1 because
 they are privy to all men's secrets by 
means of confessions1 as they call them4
 ,which yet were no less than treason to
 discover1 unless1 being got drunk1 they
 have a mind to be pleasant1 and then   
all comes out1 that is to say by hints  
and conjectures but suppressing the     
names4 ,but if anyone should anger these
 wasps1 they'll sufficiently revenge    
themselves in their public sermons and  
so point out their enemy by             
circumlocutions that there's no one but 
understands whom 'tis they mean1 unless 
he understand nothing at all2 nor will  
they give over their barking till you   
throw the dogs a bone4 ,and now tell me1
 what juggler or mountebank you had     
rather behold than hear them            
rhetorically play the fool in their     
preachments1 and yet most sweetly       
imitating what rhetoricians have written
 touching the art of good speaking8     
,good ,god6 what several postures they  

have6 ,how they shift their voice1 sing 
out their words1 skip up and down1 and  
are ever and anon making such new faces 
that they confound all things with      
noise6 ,and yet this knack of theirs is 
no less a mystery that runs in          
succession from one brother to another2 
which though it be not lawful for me to 
know1 however ,i'll venture at it by    
conjectures4 ,and first they invoke     
whatever they have scraped from the     
poets2 and in the next place1 if they   
are to discourse of charity1 they take  
their rise from the river ,nilus2 or to 
set out the mystery of the cross1 from  
bell and the dragon2 or to dispute of   
fasting1 from the twelve signs of the   
zodiac2 or1 being to preach of faith1   
ground their matter on the square of a  
circle4  ,i have heard myself one1 and  
he no small fool--,i was mistaken1 ,i   
would have said scholar--that being in a
 famous assembly explaining the mystery 
of the ,trinity1 that he might both let 
them see his learning was not ordinary  

and withal satisfy some theological     
ears1 he took a new way1 to wit from the
 letters1 syllables1 and the word       
itself2 then from the coherence of the  
nominative case and the verb1 and the   
adjective and substantive3 and while    
most of the audience wondered1 and some 
of them muttered that of ,horace1 ,what 
does all this trumpery drive at8 at last
 he brought the matter to this head1    
that he would demonstrate that the      
mystery of the ,trinity was so clearly  
expressed in the very rudiments of      
grammar that the best mathematician     
could not chalk it out more plainly4    
,and in this discourse did this most    
superlative theologian beat his brains  
for eight whole months that at this hour
 he's as blind as a beetle1 to wit1 all 
the sight of his eyes being run into the
 sharpness of his wit4 ,but for all that
 he thinks nothing of his blindness1    
rather taking the same for too cheap a  
price of such a glory as he won thereby4
  ,and besides him ,i met with another1 

some eighty years of age1 and such a    
divine that you'd have sworn ,scotus    
himself was revived in him4 ,he1 being  
upon the point of unfolding the mystery 
of the name ,jesus1 did with wonderful  
subtlety demonstrate that there lay     
hidden in those letters whatever could  
be said of him2 for that it was only    
declined with three cases1 he said1 it  
was a manifest token of the ,divine     
,trinity2 and then1 that the first ended
 in ,s1 the second in ,m1 the third in  
,u1 there was in it an ineffable        
mystery1 to wit1 those three letters    
declaring to us that he was the         
beginning1 middle1 and end 7summum1     
medium1 et ultimum7 of all4 ,nay1 the   
mystery was yet more abstruse2 for he so
 mathematically split the word ,jesus   
into two equal parts that he left the   
middle letter by itself1 and then told  
us that that letter in ,hebrew was schin
 or sin1 and that sin in the ,scotch    
tongue1 as he remembered1 signified as  
much as sin2 from whence he gathered    

that it was ,jesus that took away the   
sins of the world4 ,at which new        
exposition the audience were so         
wonderfully intent and struck with      
admiration1 especially the theologians1 
that there wanted little but that       
,niobe-like they had been turned to     
stones2 whereas the like had almost     
happened to me1 as befell the ,priapus  
in ,horace4 ,and not without cause1 for 
when were the ,grecian ,demosthenes or  
,roman ,cicero ever guilty of the like8 
,they thought that introduction faulty  
that was wide of the matter1 as if it   
were not the way of carters and         
swineherds that have no more wit than   
,god sent them4 ,but these learned men  
think their preamble1 for so they call  
it1 then chiefly rhetorical when it has 
least coherence with the rest of the    
argument1 that the admiring audience may
 in the meanwhile whisper to themselves1
 ,what will he be at now8 ,in the third 
place1 they bring in instead of         
narration some texts of ,scripture1 but 

handle them cursorily1 and as it were by
 the bye1 when yet it is the only thing 
they should have insisted on4 ,and      
fourthly1 as it were changing a part in 
the play1 they bolt out with some       
question in divinity1 and many times    
relating neither to earth nor heaven1   
and this they look upon as a piece of   
art4 ,here they erect their theological 
crests and beat into the people's ears  
those magnificent titles of illustrious 
doctors1 subtle doctors1 most subtle    
doctors1 seraphic doctors1 cherubin     
doctors1 holy doctors1 unquestionable   
doctors1 and the like2 and then throw   
abroad among the ignorant people        
syllogisms1 majors1 minors1 conclusions1
 corollaries1 suppositions1 and those so
 weak and foolish that they are below   
pedantry4 ,there remains yet the fifth  
act in which one would think they should
 show their mastery4 ,and here they     
bring in some foolish insipid fable out 
of ,speculum ,historiale or ,gesta      
,romanorum and expound it allegorically1

 tropologically1 and anagogically4 ,and 
after this manner do they and their     
chimera1 and such as ,horace despaired  
of compassing when he wrote ,humano     
capiti1 etc4  ,but they have heard from 
somebody1 ,i know not whom1 that the    
beginning of a speech should be sober   
and grave and least given to noise4 ,and
 therefore they begin theirs at that    
rate they can scarce hear themselves1 as
 if it were not matter whether anyone   
understood them4 ,they have learned     
somewhere that to move the affections a 
louder voice is requisite4 ,whereupon   
they that otherwise would speak like a  
mouse in a cheese start out of a sudden 
into a downright fury1 even there too1  
where there's the least need of it4 ,a  
man would swear they were past the power
 of hellebore1 so little do they        
consider where 'tis they run out4       
,again1 because they have heard that as 
a speech comes up to something1 a man   
should press it more earnestly1 they1   
however they begin1 use a strange       

contention of voice in every part1      
though the matter itself be never so    
flat1 and end in that manner as if      
they'd run themselves out of breath4    
,lastly1 they have learned that among   
rhetoricians there is some mention of   
laughter1 and therefore they study to   
prick in a jest here and there2 but1 ,o 
,venus6 so void of wit and so little to 
the purpose that it may be truly called 
an ass's playing on the harp4 ,and      
sometimes also they use somewhat of a   
sting1 but so nevertheless that they    
rather tickle than wound2 nor do they   
ever more truly flatter than when they  
would seem to use the greatest freedom  
of speech4 ,lastly1 such is their whole 
action that a man would swear they had  
learned it from our common tumblers1    
though yet they come short of them in   
every respect4 ,however1 they are both  
so like that no man will dispute but    
that either these learned their rhetoric
 from them1 or they theirs from these4  
,and yet they light on some that1 when  

they hear them1 conceive they hear very 
,demosthenes and ,ciceroes3 of which    
sort chiefly are our merchants and      
women1 whose ears only they endeavor to 
please1 because as to the first1 if they
 stroke them handsomely1 some part or   
other of their ill-gotten goods is wont 
to fall to their share4 ,and the women1 
though for many other things they favor 
this order1 this is not the least1 that 
they commit to their breasts whatever   
discontents they have against their     
husbands4 ,and now1 ,i conceive me1 you 
see how much this kind of people are    
beholding to me1 that with their petty  
ceremonies1 ridiculous trifles1 and     
noise exercise a kind of tyranny among  
mankind1 believing themselves very      
,pauls and ,anthonies4  ,but ,i         
willingly give over these stage-players 
that are such ingrateful dissemblers of 
the courtesies ,i have done them and    
such impudent pretenders to religion    
which they haven't4 ,and now ,i have a  
mind to give some small touches of      

princes and courts1 of whom ,i am had in
 reverence1 aboveboard and1 as it       
becomes gentlemen1 frankly4 ,and truly1 
if they had the least proportion of     
sound judgment1 what life were more     
unpleasant than theirs1 or so much to be
 avoided8 ,for whoever did but truly    
weigh with himself how great a burden   
lies upon his shoulders that would truly
 discharge the duty of a prince1 he     
would not think it worth his while to   
make his way to a crown by perjury and  
parricide4 ,he would consider that he   
that takes a scepter in his hand should 
manage the public1 not his private1     
interest2 study nothing but the common  
good2 and not in the least go contrary  
to those laws whereof himself is both   
the author and exactor3 that he is to   
take an account of the good or evil     
administration of all his magistrates   
and subordinate officers2 that1 though  
he is but one1 all men's eyes are upon  
him1 and in his power it is1 either like
 a good planet to give life and safety  

to mankind by his harmless influence1 or
 like a fatal comet to send mischief and
 destruction2 that the vices of other   
men are not alike felt1 nor so generally
 communicated2 and that a prince stands 
in that place that his least deviation  
from the rule of honesty and honor      
reaches farther than himself and opens a
 gap to many men's ruin4 ,besides1 that 
the fortune of princes has many things  
attending it that are but too apt to    
train them out of the way1 as pleasure1 
liberty1 flattery1 excess2 for which    
cause he should the more diligently     
endeavor and set a watch over himself1  
lest perhaps he be led aside and fail in
 his duty4 ,lastly1 to say nothing of   
treasons1 ill will1 and such other      
mischiefs he's in jeopardy of1 that that
 ,true ,king is over his head1 who in a 
short time will call him to account for 
every the least trespass1 and that so   
much the more severely by how much more 
mighty was the empire committed to his  
charge4 ,these and the like if a prince 

should duly weigh1 and weigh it he would
 if he were wise1 he would neither be   
able to sleep nor take any hearty       
repast4  ,but now by my courtesy they   
leave all this care to the gods and are 
only taken up with themselves1 not      
admitting anyone to their ear but such  
as know how to speak pleasant things and
 not trouble them with business4 ,they  
believe they have discharged all the    
duty of a prince if they hunt every day1
 keep a stable of fine horses1 sell     
dignities and commanderies1 and invent  
new ways of draining the citizens'      
purses and bringing it into their own   
exchequer2 but under such dainty        
new-found names that though the thing be
 most unjust in itself1 it carries yet  
some face of equity2 adding to this some
 little sweet'nings that whatever       
happens1 they may be secure of the      
common people4 ,and now suppose someone1
 such as they sometimes are1 a man      
ignorant of laws1 little less than an   
enemy to the public good1 and minding   

nothing but his own1 given up to        
pleasure1 a hater of learning1 liberty1 
and justice1 studying nothing less than 
the public safety1 but measuring        
everything by his own will and profit2  
and then put on him a golden chain that 
declares the accord of all virtues      
linked one to another2 a crown set with 
diamonds1 that should put him in mind   
how he ought to excel all others in     
heroic virtues2 besides a scepter1 the  
emblem of justice and an untainted      
heart2 and lastly1 a purple robe1 a     
badge of that charity he owes the       
commonwealth4 ,all which if a prince    
should compare them with his own life1  
he would1 ,i believe1 be clearly ashamed
 of his bravery1 and be afraid lest some
 or other gibing expounder turn all this
 tragical furniture into a ridiculous   
laughingstock4  ,and as to the court    
lords1 what should ,i mention them8 than
 most of whom though there be nothing   
more indebted1 more servile1 more       
witless1 more contemptible1 yet they    

would seem as they were the most        
excellent of all others4 ,and yet in    
this only thing no men more modest1 in  
that they are contented to wear about   
them gold1 jewels1 purple1 and those    
other marks of virtue and wisdom2 but   
for the study of the things themselves1 
they remit it to others1 thinking it    
happiness enough for them that they can 
call the king master1 have learned the  
cringe  la mode1 know when and where to 
use those titles of ,your ,grace1 ,my   
,lord1 ,your ,magnificence2 in a word   
that they are past all shame and can    
flatter pleasantly4 ,for these are the  
arts that speak a man truly noble and an
 exact courtier4 ,but if you look into  
their manner of life you'll find them   
mere sots1 as debauched as ,penelope's  
wooers2 you know the other part of the  
verse1 which the echo will better tell  
you than ,i can4 ,they sleep till noon  
and have their mercenary ,levite come to
 their bedside1 where he chops over his 
matins before they are half up4 ,then to

 breakfast1 which is scarce done but    
dinner stays for them4 ,from thence they
 go to dice1 tables1 cards1 or entertain
 themselves with jesters1 fools1        
gambols1 and horse tricks4 ,in the      
meantime they have one or two beverages1
 and then supper1 and after that a      
banquet1 and 'twere well1 by ,jupiter1  
there were no more than one4 ,and in    
this manner do their hours1 days1       
months1 years1 age slide away without   
the least irksomeness4 ,nay1 ,i have    
sometimes gone away many inches fatter1 
to see them speak big words2 while each 
of the ladies believes herself so much  
nearer to the gods by how much the      
longer train she trails after her2 while
 one nobleman edges out another1 that he
 may get the nearer to ,jupiter himself2
 and everyone of them pleases himself   
the more by how much more massive is the
 chain he swags on his shoulders1 as if 
he meant to show his strength as well as
 his wealth4  ,nor are princes by       
themselves in their manner of life1     

since popes1 cardinals1 and bishops have
 so diligently followed their steps that
 they've almost got the start of them4  
,for if any of them would consider what 
their ,albe should put them in mind of1 
to wit a blameless life2 what is meant  
by their forked miters1 whose each point
 is held in by the same knot1 we'll     
suppose it a perfect knowledge of the   
,old and ,new ,testaments2 what those   
gloves on their hands1 but a sincere    
administration of the ,sacraments1 and  
free from all touch of worldly business2
 what their crosier1 but a careful      
looking after the flock committed to    
their charge2 what the cross born before
 them1 but victory over all earthly     
affections--these1 ,i say1 and many of  
the like kind should anyone truly       
consider1 would he not live a sad and   
troublesome life8 ,whereas now they do  
well enough while they feed themselves  
only1 and for the care of their flock   
either put it over to ,christ or lay it 
all on their suffragans1 as they call   

them1 or some poor vicars4 ,nor do they 
so much as remember their name1 or what 
the word bishop signifies1 to wit1      
labor1 care1 and trouble4 ,but in       
racking to gather money they truly act  
the part of bishops1 and herein acquit  
themselves to be no blind seers4  ,in   
like manner cardinals1 if they thought  
themselves the successors of the        
apostles1 they would likewise imagine   
that the same things the other did are  
required of them1 and that they are not 
lords but dispensers of spiritual things
 of which they must shortly give an     
exact account4 ,but if they also would a
 little philosophize on their habit and 
think with themselves what's the meaning
 of their linen rochet1 is it not a     
remarkable and singular integrity of    
life8 ,what that inner purple2 is it not
 an earnest and fervent love of ,god8   
,or what that outward1 whose loose      
plaits and long train fall round his    
,reverence's mule and are large enough  
to cover a camel2 is it not charity that

 spreads itself so wide to the succor of
 all men8 that is1 to instruct1 exhort1 
comfort1 reprehend1 admonish1 compose   
wars1 resist wicked princes1 and        
willingly expend not only their wealth  
but their very lives for the flock of   
,christ3 though yet what need at all of 
wealth to them that supply the room of  
the poor apostles8 ,these things1 ,i    
say1 did they but duly consider1 they   
would not be so ambitious of that       
dignity2 or1 if they were1 they would   
willingly leave it and live a laborious1
 careful life1 such as was that of the  
ancient apostles4  ,and for popes1 that 
supply the place of ,christ1 if they    
should endeavor to imitate ,his life1 to
 wit ,his poverty1 labor1 doctrine1     
cross1 and contempt of life1 or should  
they consider what the name pope1 that  
is father1 or holiness1 imports1 who    
would live more disconsolate than       
themselves8 or who would purchase that  
chair with all his substance8 or defend 
it1 so purchased1 with swords1 poisons1 

and all force imaginable8 so great a    
profit would the access of wisdom       
deprive him of--wisdom did ,i say8 nay1 
the least corn of that salt which       
,christ speaks of3 so much wealth1 so   
much honor1 so much riches1 so many     
victories1 so many offices1 so many     
dispensations1 so much tribute1 so many 
pardons2 such horses1 such mules1 such  
guards1 and so much pleasure would it   
lose them4 ,you see how much ,i have    
comprehended in a little3 instead of    
which it would bring in watchings1      
fastings1 tears1 prayers1 sermons1 good 
endeavors1 sighs1 and a thousand the    
like troublesome exercises4 ,nor is this
 least considerable3 so many scribes1 so
 many copying clerks1 so many notaries1 
so many advocates1 so many promoters1 so
 many secretaries1 so many muleteers1 so
 many grooms1 so many bankers3 in short1
 that vast multitude of men that        
overcharge the ,roman ,see--,i mistook1 
,i meant honor--might beg their bread4  
,a most inhuman and economical thing1   

and more to be execrated1 that those    
great princes of the ,church and true   
lights of the world should be reduced to
 a staff and a wallet4 ,whereas now1 if 
there be anything that requires their   
pains1 they leave that to ,peter and    
,paul that have leisure enough2 but if  
there be anything of honor or pleasure1 
they take that to themselves4 ,by which 
means it is1 yet by my courtesy1 that   
scarce any kind of men live more        
voluptuously or with less trouble2 as   
believing that ,christ will be well     
enough pleased if in their mystical and 
almost mimical pontificality1           
ceremonies1 titles of holiness and the  
like1 and blessing and cursing1 they    
play the parts of bishops4 ,to work     
miracles is old and antiquated1 and not 
in fashion now2 to instruct the people1 
troublesome2 to interpret the           
,scripture1 pedantic2 to pray1 a sign   
one has little else to do2 to shed      
tears1 silly and womanish2 to be poor1  
base2 to be vanquished1 dishonorable and

 little becoming him that scarce admits 
even kings to kiss his slipper2 and     
lastly1 to die1 uncouth2 and to be      
stretched on a cross1 infamous4  ,theirs
 are only those weapons and sweet       
blessings which ,paul mentions1 and of  
these truly they are bountiful enough3  
as interdictions1 hangings1 heavy       
burdens1 reproofs1 anathemas1 executions
 in effigy1 and that terrible           
thunderbolt of excommunication1 with the
 very sight of which they sink men's    
souls beneath the bottom of hell3 which 
yet these most holy fathers in ,christ  
and ,his vicars hurl with more          
fierceness against none than against    
such as1 by the instigation of the      
devil1 attempt to lessen or rob them of 
,peter's patrimony4 ,when1 though those 
words in the ,gospel1 ,we have left all1
 and followed ,thee1 were his1 yet they 
call his patrimony lands1 cities1       
tribute1 imposts1 riches2 for which1    
being enflamed with the love of ,christ1
 they contend with fire and sword1 and  

not without loss of much ,christian     
blood1 and believe they have then most  
apostolically defended the ,church1 the 
spouse of ,christ1 when the enemy1 as   
they call them1 are valiantly routed4   
,as if the ,church had any deadlier     
enemies than wicked prelates1 who not   
only suffer ,christ to run out of       
request for want of preaching him1 but  
hinder his spreading by their multitudes
 of laws merely contrived for their own 
profit1 corrupt him by their forced     
expositions1 and murder him by the evil 
example of their pestilent life4  ,nay1 
further1 whereas the ,church of ,christ 
was founded in blood1 confirmed by      
blood1 and augmented by blood1 now1 as  
if ,christ1 who after his wonted manner 
defends his people1 were lost1 they     
govern all by the sword4 ,and whereas   
war is so savage a thing that it rather 
befits beasts than men1 so outrageous   
that the very poets feigned it came from
 the ,furies1 so pestilent that it      
corrupts all men's manners1 so unjust   

that it is best executed by the worst of
 men1 so wicked that it has no agreement
 with ,christ2 and yet1 omitting all the
 other1 they make this their only       
business4 ,here you'll see decrepit old 
fellows acting the parts of young men1  
neither troubled at their costs1 nor    
wearied with their labors1 nor          
discouraged at anything1 so they may    
have the liberty of turning laws1       
religion1 peace1 and all things else    
quite topsy-turvy4 ,nor are they        
destitute of their learned flatterers   
that call that palpable madness zeal1   
piety1 and valor1 having found out a new
 way by which a man may kill his brother
 without the least breach of that       
charity which1 by the command of        
,christ1 one ,christian owes another4   
,and here1 in troth1 ,i'm a little at a 
stand whether the ecclesiastical ,german
 electors gave them this example1 or    
rather took it from them2 who1 laying   
aside their habit1 benedictions1 and all
 the like ceremonies1 so act the part of

 commanders that they think it a mean   
thing1 and least beseeming a bishop1 to 
show the least courage to ,godward      
unless it be in a battle4  ,and as to   
the common herd of priests1 they account
 it a crime to degenerate from the      
sanctity of their prelates4 ,heidah6    
,how soldier-like they bustle about the 
jus divinum of titles1 and how          
quick-sighted they are to pick the least
 thing out of the writings of the       
ancients wherewith they may fright the  
common people and convince them1 if     
possible1 that more than a tenth is due6
 ,yet in the meantime it least comes in 
their heads how many things are         
everywhere extant concerning that duty  
which they owe the people4 ,nor does    
their shorn crown in the least admonish 
them that a priest should be free from  
all worldly desires and think of nothing
 but heavenly things4 ,whereas on the   
contrary1 these jolly fellows say they  
have sufficiently discharged their      
offices if they but anyhow mumble over a

 few odd prayers1 which1 so help me1    
,hercules6 ,i wonder if any god either  
hear or understand1 since they do       
neither themselves1 especially when they
 thunder them out in that manner they   
are wont4 ,but this they have in common 
with those of the heathens1 that they   
are vigilant enough to the harvest of   
their profit1 nor is there any of them  
that is not better read in those laws   
than the ,scripture4 ,whereas if there  
be anything burdensome1 they prudently  
lay that on other men's shoulders and   
shift it from one to the other1 as men  
toss a ball from hand to hand1 following
 herein the example of lay princes who  
commit the government of their kingdoms 
to their grand ministers1 and they again
 to others1 and leave all study of piety
 to the common people4 ,in like manner  
the common people put it over to those  
they call ecclesiastics1 as if          
themselves were no part of the ,church1 
or that their vow in baptism had lost   
its obligation4 ,again1 the priests that

 call themselves secular1 as if they    
were initiated to the world1 not to     
,christ1 lay the burden on the regulars2
 the regulars on the monks2 the monks   
that have more liberty on those that    
have less2 and all of them on the       
mendicants2 the mendicants on the       
,carthusians1 among whom1 if anywhere1  
this piety lies buried1 but yet so close
 that scarce anyone can perceive it4 ,in
 like manner the popes1 the most        
diligent of all others in gathering in  
the harvest of money1 refer all their   
apostolical work to the bishops1 the    
bishops to the parsons1 the parsons to  
the vicars1 the vicars to their brother 
mendicants1 and they again throw back   
the care of the flock on those that take
 the wool4  ,but it is not my business  
to sift too narrowly the lives of       
prelates and priests for fear ,i seem to
 have intended rather a satire than an  
oration1 and be thought to tax good     
princes while ,i praise the bad4 ,and   
therefore1 what ,i slightly taught      

before has been to no other end but that
 it might appear that there's no man can
 live pleasantly unless he be initiated 
to my rites and have me propitious to   
him4 ,for how can it be otherwise when  
,fortune1 the great directress of all   
human affairs1 and myself are so all one
 that she was always an enemy to those  
wise men1 and on the contrary so        
favorable to fools and careless fellows 
that all things hit luckily to them8    
,you have heard of that ,timotheus1 the 
most fortunate general of the           
,athenians1 of whom came that proverb1  
,his net caught fish1 though he were    
asleep2 and that ,the owl flies2 whereas
 these others hit properly1 wise men    
born in the fourth month2 and again1 ,he
 rides ,sejanus's his horse2 and gold of
 ,toulouse1 signifying thereby the      
extremity of ill fortune4 ,but ,i       
forbear the further threading of        
proverbs1 lest ,i seem to have pilfered 
my friend ,erasmus' adages4 ,fortune    
loves those that have least wit and most

 confidence and such as like that saying
 of ,caesar1 ,the die is thrown4 ,but   
wisdom makes men bashful1 which is the  
reason that those wise men have so      
little to do1 unless it be with poverty1
 hunger1 and chimney corners2 that they 
live such neglected1 unknown1 and hated 
lives3 whereas fools abound in money1   
have the chief commands in the          
commonwealth1 and in a word1 flourish   
every way4 ,for if it be happiness to   
please princes and to be conversant     
among those golden and diamond gods1    
what is more unprofitable than wisdom1  
or what is it these kind of men have1   
may more justly be censured8 ,if wealth 
is to be got1 how little good at it is  
that merchant like to do1 if following  
the precepts of wisdom1 he should boggle
 at perjury2 or being taken in a lie1   
blush2 or in the least regard the sad   
scruples of those wise men touching     
rapine and usury4 ,again1 if a man sue  
for honors or church preferments1 an ass
 or wild ox shall sooner get them than a

 wise man4 ,if a man's in love with a   
young wench1 none of the least humors in
 this comedy1 they are wholly addicted  
to fools and are afraid of a wise man   
and fly him as they would a scorpion4   
,lastly1 whoever intend to live merry   
and frolic1 shut their doors against    
wise men and admit anything sooner4 ,in 
brief1 go whither you will1 among       
prelates1 princes1 judges1 magistrates1 
friends1 enemies1 from highest to       
lowest1 and you'll find all things done 
by money2 which1 as a wise man condemns 
it1 so it takes a special care not to   
come near him4 ,what shall ,i say8      
,there is no measure or end of my       
praises1 and yet 'tis fit my oration    
have an end4 ,and therefore ,i'll even  
break off2 and yet1 before ,i do it1    
'twill not be amiss if ,i briefly show  
you that there has not been wanting even
 great authors that have made me famous1
 both by their writings and actions1    
lest perhaps otherwise ,i may seem to   
have foolishly pleased myself only1 or  

that the lawyers charge me that ,i have 
proved nothing4 ,after their example1   
therefore1 will ,i allege my proofs1    
that is to say1 nothing to the point4   
,and first1 every man allows this       
proverb1 ,that where a man wants matter1
 he may best frame some4 ,and to this   
purpose is that verse which we teach    
children1 ',tis the greatest wisdom to  
know when and where to counterfeit the  
fool4 ,and now judge yourselves what an 
excellent thing this folly is1 whose    
very counterfeit and semblance only has 
got such praise from the learned4 ,but  
more candidly does that fat plump       
,epicurean bacon-hog1 ,horace1 for so he
 calls himself1 bid us mingle our       
purposes with folly2 and whereas he adds
 the word bravem1 short1 perhaps to help
 out the verse1 he might as well have   
let it alone2 and again1 ',tis a        
pleasant thing to play the fool in the  
right season2 and in another place1 he  
had rather be accounted a dotterel and  
sot than to be wise and made mouths at4 

,and ,telemachus in ,homer1 whom the    
poet praises so much1 is now and then   
called nepios1 fool3 and by the same    
name1 as if there were some good fortune
 in it1 are the tragedians wont to call 
boys and striplings4 ,and what does that
 sacred book of ,iliads contain but a   
kind of counter-scuffle between foolish 
kings and foolish people8 ,besides1 how 
absolute is that praise that ,cicero    
gives of it6 ,all things are full of    
fools4 ,for who does not know that every
 good1 the more diffusive it is1 by so  
much the better it is8  ,but perhaps    
their authority may be of small credit  
among ,christians4 ,we'll therefore1 if 
you please1 support our praises with    
some testimonies of ,holy ,writ also1 in
 the first place1 nevertheless1 having  
forespoke our theologians that they'll  
give us leave to do it without offense4 
,and in the next1 forasmuch as we       
attempt a matter of some difficulty and 
it may be perhaps a little too saucy to 
call back again the ,muses from ,helicon

 to so great a journey1 especially in a 
matter they are wholly strangers to1 it 
will be more suitable1 perhaps1 while ,i
 play the divine and make my way through
 such prickly quiddities1 that ,i       
entreat the soul of ,scotus1 a thing    
more bristly than either porcupine or   
hedgehog1 to leave his scorebone awhile 
and come into my breast1 and then let   
him go whither he pleases1 or to the    
dogs1 ,i could wish also that ,i might  
change my countenance1 or that ,i had on
 the square cap and the cassock1 for    
fear some or other should impeach me of 
theft as if ,i had privily rifled our   
masters' desks in that ,i have got so   
much divinity4 ,but it ought not to seem
 so strange if after so long and        
intimate an acquaintance and converse   
with them ,i have picked up somewhat2   
when as that fig-tree-god ,priapus      
hearing his owner read certain ,greek   
words took so much notice of them that  
he got them by heart1 and that cock in  
,lucian by having lived long among men  

became at last a master of their        
language4  ,but to the point under a    
fortunate direction4 ,ecclesiastes says 
in his first chapter1 ,the number of    
fools is infinite2 and when he calls it 
infinite1 does he not seem to comprehend
 all men1 unless it be some few whom yet
 'tis a question whether any man ever   
saw8 ,but more ingeniously does         
,jeremiah in his tenth chapter confess  
it1 saying1 ,every man is made a fool   
through his own wisdom2 attributing     
wisdom to ,god alone and leaving folly  
to all men else1 and again1 ,let not man
 glory in his wisdom4 ,and why1 good    
,jeremiah1 would you not have a man     
glory in his wisdom8 ,because1 he'll    
say1 he has none at all4 ,but to return 
to ,ecclesiastes1 who1 when he cries    
out1 ,vanity of vanities1 all is vanity6
 what other thoughts had he1 do you     
believe1 than that1 as ,i said before1  
the life of man is nothing else but an  
interlude of folly8 ,in which he has    
added one voice more to that justly     

received praise of ,cicero's which ,i   
quoted before1 viz41 ,all things are    
full of fools4 ,again1 that wise        
preacher that said1 ,a fool changes as  
the moon1 but a wise man is permanent as
 the sun1 what else did he hint at in it
 but that all mankind are fools and the 
name of wise only proper to ,god8 ,for  
by the moon interpreters understand     
human nature1 and by the sun1 ,god1 the 
only fountain of light2 with which      
agrees that which ,christ himself in the
 ,gospel denies1 that anyone is to be   
called good but one1 and that is ,god4  
,and then if he is a fool that is not   
wise1 and every good man according to   
the ,stoics is a wise man1 it is no     
wonder if all mankind be concluded under
 folly4 ,again ,solomon1 ,chapter #ae1  
,foolishness1 says he1 is joy to the    
fool1 thereby plainly confessing that   
without folly there is no pleasure in   
life4 ,to which is pertinent that other1
 ,he that increases knowledge1 increases
 grief2 and in much understanding there 

is much indignation4 ,and does he not   
plainly confess as much1 ,chapter #g1   
,the heart of the wise is where sadness 
is1 but the heart of fools follows      
mirth8 by which you see1 he thought it  
not enough to have learned wisdom       
without he had added the knowledge of me
 also4 ,and if you will not believe me1 
take his own words1 ,chapter #a1 ,i gave
 my heart to know wisdom and knowledge1 
madness and folly4 ,where1 by the way1  
'tis worth your remark that he intended 
me somewhat extraordinary that he named 
me last4 ,a preacher wrote it1 and this 
you know is the order among churchmen1  
that he that is first in dignity comes  
last in place1 as mindful1 no doubt1    
whatever they do in other things1 herein
 at least to observe the evangelical    
precept4  ,besides1 that folly is more  
excellent than wisdom the son of        
,sirach1 whoever he was1 clearly        
witnesses1 ,chapter #dd1 whose words1 so
 help me1 ,hercules6 ,i shall not once  
utter before you meet my induction with 

a suitable answer1 according to the     
manner of those in ,plato that dispute  
with ,socrates4 ,what things are more   
proper to be laid up with care1 such as 
are rare and precious1 or such as are   
common and of no account8 ,why do you   
give me no answer8 ,well1 though you    
should dissemble1 the ,greek proverb    
will answer for you1 ,foul water is     
thrown out of doors2 which1 if any man  
shall be so ungracious as to condemn1   
let him know 'tis ,aristotle's1 the god 
of our masters4 ,is there any of you so 
very a fool as to leave jewels and gold 
in the street8 ,in truth1 ,i think not2 
in the most secret part of your house2  
nor is that enough2 if there be any     
drawer in your iron chests more private 
than other1 there you lay them2 but dirt
 you throw out of doors4 ,and therefore1
 if you so carefully lay up such things 
as you value and throw away what's vile 
and of no worth1 is it not plain that   
wisdom1 which he forbids a man to hide1 
is of less account than folly1 which he 

commands him to cover8 ,take his own    
words1 ,better is the man that hideth   
his folly than he that hideth his       
wisdom4 ,or what is that1 when he       
attributes an upright mind without craft
 or malice to a fool1 when a wise man   
the while thinks no man like himself8   
,for so ,i understand that in his tenth 
chapter1 ,a fool walking by the way1    
being a fool himself1 supposes all men  
to be fools like him4 ,and is it not a  
sign of great integrity to esteem every 
man as good as himself1 and when there  
is no one that leans not too much to    
other way1 to be so frank yet as to     
divide his praises with another8 ,nor   
was this great king ashamed of the name 
when he says of himself that he is more 
foolish than any man4 ,nor did ,paul1   
that great doctor of the ,gentiles1     
writing to the ,corinthians1 unwillingly
 acknowledge it2 ,i speak1 says he1 like
 a fool4 ,i am more4 ,as if it could be 
any dishonor to excel in folly4  ,but   
here ,i meet with a great noise of some 

that endeavor to peck out the crows'    
eyes2 that is1 to blind the doctors of  
our times and smoke out their eyes with 
new annotations2 among whom my friend   
,erasmus1 whom for honor's sake ,i often
 mention1 deserves if not the first     
place yet certainly the second4 ,o most 
foolish instance1 they cry1 and well    
becoming ,folly herself6 ,the apostle's 
meaning was wide enough from what you   
dream2 for he spoke it not in this      
sense1 that he would have them believe  
him a greater fool than the rest1 but   
when he had said1 ,they are ministers of
 ,christ1 the same am ,i1 and by way of 
boasting herein had equaled himself with
 to others1 he added this by way of     
correction or checking himself1 ,i am   
more1 as meaning that he was not only   
equal to the rest of the apostles in the
 work of the ,gospel1 but somewhat      
superior4 ,and therefore1 while he would
 have this received as a truth1 lest    
nevertheless it might not relish their  
ears as being spoken with too much      

arrogance1 he foreshortened his argument
 with the vizard of folly1 ,i speak like
 a fool1 because he knew it was the     
prerogative of fools to speak what they 
like1 and that too without offense4     
,whatever he thought when he wrote this1
 ,i leave it to them to discuss2 for my 
own part1 ,i follow those fat1 fleshy1  
and vulgarly approved doctors1 with     
whom1 by ,jupiter6 a great part of the  
learned had rather err than follow them 
that understand the tongues1 though they
 are never so much in the right4 ,not   
any of them make greater account of     
those smatterers at ,greek than if they 
were daws4 ,especially when a no small  
professor1 whose name ,i wittingly      
conceal lest those choughs should       
chatter at me that ,greek proverb ,i    
have so often mentioned1 an ass at a    
harp1 discoursing magisterially and     
theologically on this text1 ,i speak as 
a fool1 ,i am more1 drew a new thesis2  
and1 which without the height of logic  
he could never have done1 made this new 

subdivision--for ,i'll give you his own 
words1 not only in form but matter      
also--,i speak like a fool1 that is1 if 
you look upon me as a fool for comparing
 myself with those false apostles1 ,i   
shall seem yet a greater fool by        
esteeming myself before them2 though the
 same person a little after1 as         
forgetting himself1 runs off to another 
matter4  ,but why do ,i thus            
staggeringly defend myself with one     
single instance8 ,as if it were not the 
common privilege of divines to stretch  
heaven1 that is ,holy ,writ1 like a     
cheverel2 and when there are many things
 in ,st4 ,paul that thwart themselves1  
which yet in their proper place do well 
enough if there be any credit to be     
given to ,st4 ,jerome that was master of
 five tongues4 ,such was that of his at 
,athens when having casually espied the 
inscription of that altar1 he wrested it
 into an argument to prove the          
,christian faith1 and leaving out all   
the other words because they made       

against him1 took notice only of the two
 last1 viz41 ,to the unknown ,god2 and  
those too not without some alteration1  
for the whole inscription was thus3 ,to 
the ,gods of ,asia1 ,europe1 and        
,africa2 ,to the unknown and strange    
,gods4 ,and according to his example do 
the sons of the prophets1 who1 forcing  
out here and there four or five         
expressions and if need be corrupting   
the sense1 wrest it to their own        
purpose2 though what goes before and    
follows after make nothing to the matter
 in hand1 nay1 be quite against it4     
,which yet they do with so happy an     
impudence that oftentimes the civilians 
envy them that faculty4  ,for what is it
 in a manner they may not hope for      
success in1 when this great doctor 7,i  
had almost bolted out his name1 but that
 ,i once again stand in fear of the     
,greek proverb7 has made a construction 
on an expression of ,luke1 so agreeable 
to the mind of ,christ as are fire and  
water to one another4 ,for when the last

 point of danger was at hand1 at which  
time retainers and dependents are wont  
in a more special manner to attend their
 protectors1 to examine what strength   
they have1 and prepare for the          
encounter1 ,christ1 intending to take   
out of his disciples' minds all trust   
and confidence in such like defense1    
demands of them whether they wanted     
anything when he sent them forth so     
unprovided for a journey that they had  
neither shoes to defend their feet from 
the injuries of stones and briars nor   
the provision of a scrip to preserve    
them from hunger4 ,and when they had    
denied that they wanted anything1 he    
adds1 ,but now1 he that hath a bag1 let 
him take it1 and likewise a scrip2 and  
he that hath none1 let him sell his coat
 and buy a sword4 ,and now when the sum 
of all that ,christ taught pressed only 
meekness1 suffering1 and contempt of    
life1 who does not clearly perceive what
 he means in this place8 to wit1 that he
 might the more disarm his ministers1   

that neglecting not only shoes and scrip
 but throwing away their very coat1 they
 might1 being in a manner naked1 the    
more readily and with less hindrance    
take in hand the work of the ,gospel1   
and provide themselves of nothing but a 
sword1 not such as thieves and murderers
 go up and down with1 but the sword of  
the spirit that pierces the most inward 
parts1 and so cuts off as it were at one
 blow all earthly affections1 that they 
mind nothing but their duty to ,god4    
,but see1 ,i pray1 whither this famous  
theologian wrests it4 ,by the sword he  
interprets defense against persecution1 
and by the bag sufficient provision to  
carry it on4 ,as if ,christ having      
altered his mind1 in that he sent out   
his disciples not so royally attended as
 he should have done1 repented himself  
of his former instructions3 or as       
forgetting that he had said1 ,blessed   
are ye when ye are evil spoken of1      
despised1 and persecuted1 etc41 and     
forbade them to resist evil2 for that   

the meek in spirit1 not the proud1 are  
blessed3 or1 lest remembering1 ,i say1  
that he had compared them to sparrows   
and lilies1 thereby minding them what   
small care they should take for the     
things of this life1 was so far now from
 having them go forth without a sword   
that he commanded them to get one1      
though with the sale of their coat1 and 
had rather they should go naked than    
want a brawling-iron by their sides4    
,and to this1 as under the word sword he
 conceives to be comprehended whatever  
appertains to the repelling of injuries1
 so under that of scrip he takes in     
whatever is necessary to the support of 
life4 ,and so does this deep interpreter
 of the divine meaning bring forth the  
apostles to preach the doctrine of a    
crucified ,christ1 but furnished at all 
points with lances1 slings1             
quarterstaffs1 and bombards2 lading them
 also with bag and baggage1 lest perhaps
 it might not be lawful for them to     
leave their inn unless they were empty  

and fasting4 ,nor does he take the least
 notice of this1 that he so willed the  
sword to be bought1 reprehends it a     
little after and commands it to be      
sheathed2 and that it was never heard   
that the apostles ever used or swords or
 bucklers against the ,gentiles1 though 
'tis likely they had done it1 if ,christ
 had ever intended1 as this doctor      
interprets4  ,there is another1 too1    
whose name out of respect ,i pass by1 a 
man of no small repute1 who from those  
tents which ,habakkuk mentions1 ,the    
tents of the land of ,midian shall      
tremble1 drew this exposition1 that it  
was prophesied of the skin of ,saint    
,bartholomew who was flayed alive4 ,and 
why1 forsooth1 but because those tents  
were covered with skins8 ,i was lately  
myself at a theological dispute1 for ,i 
am often there1 where when one was      
demanding what authority there was in   
,holy ,writ that commands heretics to be
 convinced by fire rather than reclaimed
 by argument2 a crabbed old fellow1 and 

one whose supercilious gravity spoke him
 at least a doctor1 answered in a great 
fume that ,saint ,paul had decreed it1  
who said1 ,reject him that is a heretic1
 after once or twice admonition4 ,and   
when he had sundry times1 one after     
another1 thundered out the same thing1  
and most men wondered what ailed the    
man1 at last he explained it thus1      
making two words of one4 ,a heretic must
 be put to death4 ,some laughed1 and yet
 there wanted not others to whom this   
exposition seemed plainly theological2  
which1 when some1 though those very few1
 opposed1 they cut off the dispute1 as  
we say1 with a hatchet1 and the credit  
of so uncontrollable an author4 ,pray   
conceive me1 said he1 it is written1    
',thou shalt not suffer a witch to      
live4' ,but every heretic bewitches the 
people2 therefore1 etc4 ,and now1 as    
many as were present admired the man's  
wit1 and consequently submitted to his  
decision of the question4 ,nor came it  
into any of their heads that that law   

concerned only fortunetellers1          
enchanters1 and magicians1 whom the     
,hebrews call in their tongue           
,mecaschephim1 witches or sorcerers3 for
 otherwise1 perhaps1 by the same reason 
it might as well have extended to       
fornication and drunkenness4  ,but ,i   
foolishly run on in these matters1      
though yet there are so many of them    
that neither ,chrysippus' nor ,didymus' 
volumes are large enough to contain     
them4 ,i would only desire you to       
consider this1 that if so great doctors 
may be allowed this liberty1 you may the
 more reasonably pardon even me also1 a 
raw1 effeminate divine1 if ,i quote not 
everything so exactly as ,i should4 ,and
 so at last ,i return to ,paul4 ,ye     
willingly1 says he1 suffer my           
foolishness1 and again1 ,take me as a   
fool1 and further1 ,i speak it not after
 the ,lord1 but as it were foolishly1   
and in another place1 ,we are fools for 
,christ's sake4 ,you have heard from how
 great an author how great praises of   

folly2 and to what other end1 but that  
without doubt he looked upon it as that 
one thing both necessary and profitable4
 ,if anyone among ye1 says he1 seem to  
be wise1 let him be a fool that he may  
be wise4 ,and in ,luke1 ,jesus called   
those two disciples with whom he joined 
himself upon the way1 fools4 ,nor can ,i
 give you any reason why it should seem 
so strange when ,saint ,paul imputes a  
kind of folly even to ,god himself4 ,the
 foolishness of ,god1 says he1 is wiser 
than men4 ,though yet ,i must confess   
that origin upon the place denies that  
this foolishness may be resembled to the
 uncertain judgment of men2 of which    
kind is1 that the preaching of the cross
 is to them that perish foolishness4    
,but why am ,i so careful to no purpose 
that ,i thus run on to prove my matter  
by so many testimonies8 when in those   
mystical ,psalms ,christ speaking to the
 ,father says openly1 ,thou knowest my  
foolishness4 ,nor is it without ground  
that fools are so acceptable to ,god4   

,the reason perhaps may be this1 that as
 princes carry a suspicious eye upon    
those that are over-wise1 and           
consequently hate them--as ,caesar did  
,brutus and ,cassius1 when he feared not
 in the least drunken ,antony2 so ,nero1
 ,seneca2 and ,dionysius1 ,plato--and on
 the contrary are delighted in those    
blunter and unlabored wits1 in like     
manner ,christ ever abhors and condemns 
those wise men and such as put          
confidence in their own wisdom4 ,and    
this ,paul makes clearly out when he    
said1 ,god hath chosen the foolish      
things of this world1 as well knowing it
 had been impossible to have reformed it
 by wisdom4 ,which also he sufficiently 
declares himself1 crying out by the     
mouth of his prophet1 ,i will destroy   
the wisdom of the wise1 and cast away   
the understanding of the prudent4  ,and 
again1 when ,christ gives ,him thanks   
that ,he had concealed the mystery of   
salvation from the wise1 but revealed it
 to babes and sucklings1 that is to say1

 fools4 ,for the ,greek word for babes  
is fools1 which he opposes to the word  
wise men4 ,to this appertains that      
throughout the ,gospel you find him ever
 accusing the ,scribes and ,pharisees   
and doctors of the law1 but diligently  
defending the ignorant multitude 7for   
what other is that ,woe to ye ,scribes  
and ,pharisees than woe to you1 you wise
 men871 but seems chiefly delighted in  
little children1 women1 and fishers4    
,besides1 among brute beasts he is best 
pleased with those that have least in   
them of the foxes' subtlety4 ,and       
therefore he chose rather to ride upon  
an ass when1 if he had pleased1 he might
 have bestrode the lion without danger4 
,and the ,holy ,ghost came down in the  
shape of a dove1 not of an eagle or     
kite4 ,add to this that in ,scripture   
there is frequent mention of harts1     
hinds1 and lambs2 and such as are       
destined to eternal life are called     
sheep1 than which creature there is not 
anything more foolish1 if we may believe

 that proverb of ,aristotle sheepish    
manners1 which he tells us is taken from
 the foolishness of that creature and is
 used to be applied to dull-headed      
people and lack-wits4 ,and yet ,christ  
professes to be the shepherd of this    
flock and is himself delighted with the 
name of a lamb2 according to ,saint     
,john1 ,behold the ,lamb of ,god6 ,of   
which also there is much mention in the 
,revelation4 ,and what does all this    
drive at1 but that all mankind are      
fools--nay1 even the very best8  ,and   
,christ himself1 that he might the      
better relieve this folly1 being the    
wisdom of the ,father1 yet in some      
manner became a fool when taking upon   
him the nature of man1 he was found in  
shape as a man2 as in like manner he was
 made sin that he might heal sinners4   
,nor did he work this cure any other way
 than by the foolishness of the cross   
and a company of fat apostles1 not much 
better1 to whom also he carefully       
recommended folly but gave them a       

caution against wisdom and drew them    
together by the example of little       
children1 lilies1 mustard-seed1 and     
sparrows1 things senseless and          
inconsiderable1 living only by the      
dictates of nature and without either   
craft or care4 ,besides1 when he forbade
 them to be troubled about what they    
should say before governors and         
straightly charged them not to inquire  
after times and seasons1 to wit1 that   
they might not trust to their own wisdom
 but wholly depend on him4 ,and to the  
same purpose is it that that great      
,architect of the ,world1 ,god1 gave man
 an injunction against his eating of the
 ,tree of ,knowledge1 as if knowledge   
were the bane of happiness2 according to
 which also1 ,st4 ,paul disallows it as 
puffing up and destructive2 whence also 
,st4 ,bernard seems in my opinion to    
follow when he interprets that mountain 
whereon ,lucifer had fixed his          
habitation to be the mountain of        
knowledge4  ,nor perhaps ought ,i to    

omit this other argument1 that ,folly is
 so gracious above that her errors are  
only pardoned1 those of wise men never4 
,whence it is that they that ask        
forgiveness1 though they offend never so
 wittingly1 cloak it yet with the excuse
 of folly4 ,so ,aaron1 in ,numbers1 if  
,i mistake not the book1 when he sues   
unto ,moses concerning his sister's     
leprosy1 ,i beseech thee1 my ,lord1 not 
to lay this sin upon us1 which we have  
foolishly committed4 ,so ,saul makes his
 excuse of ,david1 ,for behold1 says he1
 ,i did it foolishly4 ,and again1 ,david
 himself thus sweetens ,god1 ,and       
therefore ,i beseech thee1 ,o ,lord1 to 
take away the trespass of thy servant1  
for ,i have done foolishly1 as if he    
knew there was no pardon to be obtained 
unless he had colored his offense with  
folly and ignorance4 ,and stronger is   
that of ,christ upon the cross when he  
prayed for his enemies1 ,father1 forgive
 them1 nor does he cover their crime    
with any other excuse than that of      

unwittingness--because1 says he1 they   
know not what they do4 ,in like manner  
,paul1 writing to ,timothy1 ,but        
therefore ,i obtained mercy1 for that ,i
 did it ignorantly through unbelief4    
,and what is the meaning of ,i did it   
ignorantly but that ,i did it out of    
folly1 not malice8 ,and what of         
,therefore ,i received mercy but that ,i
 had not obtained it had ,i not been    
made more allowable through the covert  
of folly8 ,for us also makes that       
mystical ,psalmist1 though ,i remembered
 it not in its right place1 ,remember   
not the sins of my youth nor my         
ignorances4 ,you see what two things he 
pretends1 to wit1 youth1 whose companion
 ,i ever am1 and ignorances1 and that in
 the plural number1 a number of         
multitude1 whereby we are to understand 
that there was no small company of them4
  ,but not to run too far in that which 
is infinite4 ,to speak briefly1 all     
,christian religion seems to have a kind
 of alliance with folly and in no       

respect to have any accord with wisdom4 
,of which if you expect proofs1 consider
 first that boys1 old men1 women1 and   
fools are more delighted with religious 
and sacred things than others1 and to   
that purpose are ever next the altars2  
and this they do by mere impulse of     
nature4 ,and in the next place1 you see 
that those first founders of it were    
plain1 simple persons and most bitter   
enemies of learning4 ,lastly there are  
no sort of fools seem more out of the   
way than are these whom the zeal of     
,christian religion has once swallowed  
up2 so that they waste their estates1   
neglect injuries1 suffer themselves to  
be cheated1 put no difference between   
friends and enemies1 abhor pleasure1 are
 crammed with poverty1 watchings1 tears1
 labors1 reproaches1 loathe life1 and   
wish death above all things2 in short1  
they seem senseless to common           
understanding1 as if their minds lived  
elsewhere and not in their own bodies2  
which1 what else is it than to be mad8  

,for which reason you must not think it 
so strange if the apostles seemed to be 
drunk with new wine1 and if ,paul       
appeared to ,festus to be mad4  ,but    
now1 having once gotten on the lion's   
skin1 go to1 and ,i'll show you that    
this happiness of ,christians1 which    
they pursue with so much toil1 is       
nothing else but a kind of madness and  
folly2 far be it that my words should   
give any offense1 rather consider my    
matter4 ,and first1 the ,christians and 
,platonists do as good as agree in this1
 that the soul is plunged and fettered  
in the prison of the body1 by the       
grossness of which it is so tied up and 
hindered that it cannot take a view of  
or enjoy things as they truly are2 and  
for that cause their master defines     
philosophy to be a contemplation of     
death1 because it takes off the mind    
from visible and corporeal objects1 than
 which death does no more4 ,and         
therefore1 as long as the soul uses the 
organs of the body in that right manner 

it ought1 so long it is said to be in   
good state and condition2 but when1     
having broken its fetters1 it endeavors 
to get loose and assays1 as it were1 a  
flight out of that prison that holds it 
in1 they call it madness2 and if this   
happen through any distemper or         
indisposition of the organs1 then1 by   
the common consent of every man1 'tis   
downright madness4 ,and yet we see such 
kind of men foretell things to come1    
understand tongues and letters they     
never learned before1 and seem1 as it   
were1 big with a kind of divinity4 ,nor 
is it to be doubted but that it proceeds
 from hence1 that the mind1 being       
somewhat at liberty from the infection  
of the body1 begins to put forth itself 
in its native vigor4 ,and ,i conceive   
'tis from the same cause that the like  
often happens to sick men a little      
before their death1 that they discourse 
in strain above mortality as if they    
were inspired4 ,again1 if this happens  
upon the score of religion1 though      

perhaps it may not be the same kind of  
madness1 yet 'tis so near it that a     
great many men would judge it no better1
 especially when a few inconsiderable   
people shall differ from the rest of the
 world in the whole course of their     
life4 ,and therefore it fares with them 
as1 according to the fiction of ,plato1 
happens to those that being cooped up in
 a cave stand gaping with admiration at 
the shadows of things2 and that fugitive
 who1 having broke from them and        
returning to them again1 told them he   
had seen things truly as they were1 and 
that they were the most mistaken in     
believing there was nothing but pitiful 
shadows4 ,for as this wise man pitied   
and bewailed their palpable madness that
 were possessed with so gross an error1 
so they in return laughed at him as a   
doting fool and cast him out of their   
company4 ,in like manner the common sort
 of men chiefly admire those things that
 are most corporeal and almost believe  
there is nothing beyond them4 ,whereas  

on the contrary1 these devout persons1  
by how much the nearer anything concerns
 the body1 by so much more they neglect 
it and are wholly hurried away with the 
contemplation of things invisible4 ,for 
the one give the first place to riches1 
the next to their corporeal pleasures1  
leaving the last place to their soul1   
which yet most of them do scarce        
believe1 because they can't see it with 
their eyes4 ,on the contrary1 the others
 first rely wholly on ,god1 the most    
unchangeable of all things2 and next    
him1 yet on this that comes nearest him1
 they bestow the second on their soul2  
and lastly1 for their body1 they neglect
 that care and condemn and fly money as 
superfluity that may be well spared2 or 
if they are forced to meddle with any of
 these things1 they do it carelessly and
 much against their wills1 having as if 
they had it not1 and possessing as if   
they possessed it not4  ,there are also 
in each several things several degrees  
wherein they disagree among themselves4 

,and first as to the senses1 though all 
of them have more or less affinity with 
the body1 yet of these some are more    
gross and blockish1 as tasting1 hearing1
 seeing1 smelling1 touching2 some more  
removed from the body1 as memory1       
intellect1 and the will4 ,and therefore 
to which of these the mind applies      
itself1 in that lies its force4 ,but    
holy men1 because the whole bent of     
their minds is taken up with those      
things that are most repugnant to these 
grosser senses1 they seem brutish and   
stupid in the common use of them4       
,whereas on the contrary1 the ordinary  
sort of people are best at these1 and   
can do least at the other2 from whence  
it is1 as we have heard1 that some of   
these holy men have by mistake drunk oil
 for wine4 ,again1 in the affections of 
the mind1 some have a greater commerce  
with the body than others1 as lust1     
desire of meat and sleep1 anger1 pride1 
envy2 with which holy men are at        
irreconcilable enmity1 and contrary1 the

 common people think there's no living  
without them4 ,and lastly there are     
certain middle kind of affections1 and  
as it were natural to every man1 as the 
love of one's country1 children1        
parents1 friends1 and to which the      
common people attribute no small matter2
 whereas the other strive to pluck them 
out of their mind3 unless insomuch as   
they arrive to that highest part of the 
soul1 that they love their parents not  
as parents--for what did they get but   
the body8 though yet we owe it to ,god1 
not them--but as good men or women and  
in whom shines the image of that highest
 wisdom which alone they call the       
chiefest good1 and out of which1 they   
say1 there is nothing to be beloved or  
desired4  ,and by the same rule do they 
measure all things else1 so that they   
make less account of whatever is        
visible1 unless it be altogether        
contemptible1 than of those things which
 they cannot see4 ,but they say that in 
,sacraments and other religious duties  

there is both body and spirit4 ,as in   
fasting they count it not enough for a  
man to abstain from eating1 which the   
common people take for an absolute fast1
 unless there be also a lessening of his
 depraved affections3 as that he be less
 angry1 less proud1 than he was wont1   
that the spirit1 being less clogged with
 its bodily weight1 may be the more     
intent upon heavenly things4 ,in like   
manner1 in the ,eucharist1 though1 say  
they1 it is not to be esteemed the less 
that 'tis administered with ceremonies1 
yet of itself 'tis of little effect1 if 
not hurtful1 unless that which is       
spiritual be added to it1 to wit1 that  
which is represented under those visible
 signs4 ,now the death of ,christ is    
represented by it1 which all men1       
vanquishing1 abolishing1 and1 as it     
were1 burying their carnal affections1  
ought to express in their lives and     
conversations that they may grow up to a
 newness of life and be one with him and
 the same one among another4 ,this a    

holy man does1 and in this is his only  
meditation4 ,whereas on the contrary1   
the common people think there's no more 
in that sacrifice than to be present at 
the altar and crowd next it1 to have a  
noise of words and look upon the        
ceremonies4 ,nor in this alone1 which we
 only proposed by way of example1 but in
 all his life1 and without hypocrisy1   
does a holy man fly those things that   
have any alliance with the body and is  
wholly ravished with things eternal1    
invisible1 and spiritual4 ,for which    
cause there's so great contrarity of    
opinion between them1 and that too in   
everything1 that each party thinks the  
other out of their wits2 though that    
character1 in my judgment1 better agrees
 with those holy men than the common    
people3 which yet will be more clear if1
 as ,i promised1 ,i briefly show you    
that that great reward they so much     
fancy is nothing else but a kind of     
madness4  ,and therefore suppose that   
,plato dreamed of somewhat like it when 

he called the madness of lovers the most
 happy condition of all others4 ,for he 
that's violently in love lives not in   
his own body but in the thing he loves2 
and by how much the farther he runs from
 himself into another1 by so much the   
greater is his pleasure4 ,and then1 when
 the mind strives to rove from its body 
and does not rightly use its own organs1
 without doubt you may say 'tis         
downright madness and not be mistaken1  
or otherwise what's the meaning of those
 common sayings1 ,he does not dwell at  
home1 ,come to yourself1 ,he's his own  
man again8 ,besides1 the more perfect   
and true his love is1 the more pleasant 
is his madness4 ,and therefore1 what is 
that life hereafter1 after which these  
holy minds so pantingly breathe1 like to
 be8 ,to wit1 the spirit shall swallow  
up the body1 as conqueror and more      
durable2 and this it shall do with the  
greater ease because heretofore1 in its 
lifetime1 it had cleansed and thinned it
 into such another nothing as itself4   

,and then the spirit again shall be     
wonderfully swallowed up by the highest 
mind1 as being more powerful than       
infinite parts2 so that the whole man is
 to be out of himself nor to be         
otherwise happy in any respect1 but that
 being stripped of himself1 he shall    
participate of somewhat ineffable from  
that chiefest good that draws all things
 into itself4 ,and this happiness though
 'tis only then perfected when souls    
being joined to their former bodies     
shall be made immortal1 yet forasmuch as
 the life of holy men is nothing but a  
continued meditation and1 as it were1   
shadow of that life1 it so happens that 
at length they have some taste or relish
 of it2 which1 though it be but as the  
smallest drop in comparison of that     
fountain of eternal happiness1 yet it   
far surpasses all worldly delight1      
though all the pleasures of all mankind 
were all joined together4 ,so much      
better are things spiritual than things 
corporeal1 and things invisible than    

things visible2 which doubtless is that 
which the prophet promises3 ,the eye    
hath not seen1 nor the ear heard1 nor   
has it entered into the heart of man to 
consider what ,god has provided for them
 that love ,him4 ,and this is that      
,mary's better part which is not taken  
away by change of life1 but perfected4  
,and therefore they that are sensible of
 it1 and few there are to whom this     
happens1 suffer a kind of somewhat      
little differing from madness2 for they 
utter many things that do not hang      
together1 and that too not after the    
manner of men but make a kind of sound  
which they neither heed themselves1 nor 
is it understood by others1 and change  
the whole figure of their countenance1  
one while jocund1 another while         
dejected1 now weeping1 then laughing1   
and again sighing4 ,and when they come  
to themselves1 tell you they know not   
where they have been1 whether in the    
body or out of the body1 or sleeping2   
nor do they remember what they have     

heard1 seen1 spoken1 or done1 and only  
know this1 as it were in a mist or      
dream1 that they were the most happy    
while they were so out of their wits4   
,and therefore they are sorry they are  
come to themselves again and desire     
nothing more than this kind of madness1 
to be perpetually mad4 ,and this is a   
small taste of that future happiness4   
,but ,i forget myself and run beyond my 
bounds4 ,though yet1 if ,i shall seem to
 have spoken anything more boldly or    
impertinently than ,i ought1 be pleased 
to consider that not only ,folly but a  
woman said it2 remembering in the       
meantime that ,greek proverb1 ,sometimes
 a fool may speak a word in season1     
unless perhaps you expect an epilogue1  
but give me leave to tell you you are   
mistaken if you think ,i remember       
anything of what ,i have said1 having   
foolishly bolted out such a hodgepodge  
of words4 ',tis an old proverb1 ,i hate 
one that remembers what's done over the 
cup4 ,this is a new one of my own       

making3 ,i hate a man that remembers    
what he hears4 ,wherefore farewell1 clap
 your hands1 live and drink lustily1 my 
most excellent disciples of ,folly4