,,the ,,philosopher',s ,,joke    ,by    
,jerome ,k4 ,jerome    ,author of ,paul 
,kelver1 ,three ,men in a ,boat1 etc41  
etc4    ,new ,york    ,dodd1 ,mead      
,company    #aiji      ,copyright1      
#aijd1 ,by ,jerome ,k4 ,jerome          
,copyright1 #aijh1 ,by ,dodd1 ,mead     
,company    ,published1 ,september1     
#aijh        ,myself1 ,i do not believe 
this story4 ,six persons are persuaded  
of its  truth2 and the hope of these six
 is to convince themselves it was an    
hallucination4 ,their difficulty is     
there are six of them4 ,each one alone  
perceives clearly that it never could   
have been4 ,unfortunately1 they are     
close friends1 and cannot get away from 
one another2 and when they meet  and    
look into each other's eyes the thing   
takes shape again4    ,the one who told 
it to me1 and who immediately wished he 
had not1  was ,armitage4 ,he told it to 
me one night when he and ,i were the    
only  occupants of the ,club            
smoking-room4 ,his telling me--as he    

explained  afterwards--was an impulse of
 the moment4 ,sense of the thing had    
been  pressing upon him all that day    
with unusual persistence2 and the  idea 
had occurred to him1 on my entering the 
room1 that the flippant  scepticism with
 which an essentially commonplace mind  
like my own--he  used the words in no   
offensive sense--would be sure to regard
 the affair  might help to direct his   
own attention to its more absurd aspect4
 ,i  am inclined to think it did4 ,he   
thanked me for dismissing his entire    
narrative as the delusion of a          
disordered brain1 and begged me not to  
mention the matter to another living    
soul4 ,i promised2 and ,i may as well   
here observe that ,i do not call this   
mentioning the matter4 ,armitage  is not
 the man's real name2 it does not even  
begin with an ,a4 ,you might  read this 
story and dine next to him the same     
evening3 you would know  nothing4       
,also1 of course1 ,i did not consider   
myself debarred from speaking about  it1

 discreetly1 to ,mrs4 ,armitage1 a      
charming woman4 ,she burst into tears   
at the first mention of the thing4 ,it  
took me all ,i knew to tranquillize     
her4 ,she said that when she did not    
think about the thing she could be      
happy4 ,she and ,armitage never spoke of
 it to one another2 and left to         
themselves her opinion was that         
eventually they might put remembrance   
behind them4 ,she wished they were not  
quite so friendly with the  ,everetts4  
,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,everett had both dreamt 
precisely the same dream2  that is1     
assuming it was a dream4 ,mr4 ,everett  
was not the sort of person  that a      
clergyman ought1 perhaps1 to know2 but  
as ,armitage would always  argue3 for a 
teacher of ,christianity to withdraw his
 friendship from  a man because that man
 was somewhat of a sinner would be      
inconsistent4  ,rather should he remain 
his friend and seek to influence him4   
,they  dined with the ,everetts         
regularly on ,tuesdays1 and sitting     

opposite the  ,everetts1 it seemed      
impossible to accept as a fact that all 
four of them  at the same time and in   
the same manner had fallen victims to   
the  same illusion4 ,i think ,i         
succeeded in leaving her more hopeful4  
,she  acknowledged that the story1      
looked at from the point of common      
sense1  did sound ridiculous2 and       
threatened me that if ,i ever breathed a
 word  of it to anyone1 she never would 
speak to me again4 ,she is a charming   
woman1 as ,i have already mentioned4    
,by a curious coincidence ,i happened at
 the time to be one of ,everett's       
directors on a ,company he had just     
promoted for taking over and  developing
 the ,red ,sea ,coasting trade4 ,i      
lunched with him the following  ,sunday4
 ,he is an interesting talker1 and      
curiosity to discover how  so shrewd a  
man would account for his connection    
with so insane--so  impossible a fancy1 
prompted me to hint my knowledge of the 
story4 ,the  manner both of him and of  

his wife changed suddenly4 ,they wanted 
to  know who it was had told me4 ,i     
refused the information1 because it was 
evident they would have been angry with 
him4 ,everett's theory was  that one of 
them had dreamt it--probably            
,camelford--and by hypnotic  suggestion 
had conveyed to the rest of them the    
impression that they had  dreamt it     
also4 ,he added that but for one slight 
incident he should have  ridiculed from 
the very beginning the argument that it 
could have been  anything else than a   
dream4 ,but what that incident was he   
would not tell  me4 ,his object1 as he  
explained1 was not to dwell upon the    
business1 but  to try and forget it4    
,speaking as a friend1 he advised me1   
likewise1  not to cackle about the      
matter any more than ,i could help1 lest
 trouble  should arise with regard to my
 director's fees4 ,his way of putting   
things is occasionally blunt4    ,it was
 at the ,everetts'1 later on1 that ,i   
met ,mrs4 ,camelford1 one of the        

handsomest women ,i have ever set eyes  
upon4 ,it was foolish of me1 but my     
memory for names is weak4 ,i forgot that
 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,camelford were the     
other two concerned1 and mentioned the  
story as a curious tale ,i had  read    
years ago in an old ,miscellany4 ,i had 
reckoned on it to lead me  into a       
discussion with her on platonic         
friendship4 ,she jumped up from  her    
chair and gave me a look4 ,i remembered 
then1 and could have bitten  out my     
tongue4 ,it took me a long while to make
 my peace1 but she came  round in the   
end1 consenting to attribute my blunder 
to mere stupidity4  ,she was quite      
convinced herself1 she told me1 that the
 thing was pure  imagination4 ,it was   
only when in company with the others    
that any doubt  as to this crossed her  
mind4 ,her own idea was that1 if        
everybody  would agree never to mention 
the matter again1 it would end in  their
 forgetting it4 ,she supposed it was her
 husband who had been my  informant3 he 

was just that sort of ass4 ,she did not 
say it unkindly4  ,she said when she was
 first married1 ten years ago1 few      
people had a  more irritating effect    
upon her than had ,camelford2 but that  
since she  had seen more of other men   
she had come to respect him4 ,i like to 
hear a  woman speak well of her husband4
 ,it is a departure which1 in my        
opinion1  should be more encouraged than
 it is4 ,i assured her ,camelford was   
not  the culprit2 and on the            
understanding that ,i might come to see 
her--not  too often--on her ,thursdays1 
,i agreed with her that the best thing  
,i  could do would be to dismiss the    
subject from my mind and occupy myself  
instead with questions that concerned   
myself4    ,i had never talked much with
 ,camelford before that time1 though ,i 
had  often seen him at the ,club4 ,he is
 a strange man1 of whom many stories    
are told4 ,he writes journalism for a   
living1 and poetry1 which he  publishes 
at his own expense1 apparently for      

recreation4 ,it occurred to  me that his
 theory would at all events be          
interesting2 but at first he  would not 
talk at all1 pretending to ignore the   
whole affair1 as idle  nonsense4 ,i had 
almost despaired of drawing him out1    
when one evening1  of his own accord1 he
 asked me if ,i thought ,mrs4 ,armitage1
 with whom  he knew ,i was on terms of  
friendship1 still attached importance to
 the  thing4 ,on my expressing the      
opinion that ,mrs4 ,armitage was the    
most  troubled of the group1 he was     
irritated2 and urged me to leave the    
rest  of them alone and devote whatever 
sense ,i might possess to persuading    
her in particular that the entire thing 
was and could be nothing but  pure myth4
 ,he confessed frankly that to him it   
was still a mystery4 ,he  could easily  
regard it as chimera1 but for one slight
 incident4 ,he would  not for a long    
while say what that was1 but there is   
such a thing as  perseverance1 and in   
the end ,i dragged it out of him4 ,this 

is what he  told me4    ,we happened by 
chance to find ourselves alone in the   
conservatory1 that  night of the        
ball--we six4 ,most of the crowd had    
already left4 ,the last  'extra' was    
being played3 the music came to us      
faintly4 ,stooping to  pick up          
,jessica's fan1 which she had let fall  
to the ground1 something  shining on the
 tesselated pavement underneath a group 
of palms suddenly  caught my eye4 ,we   
had not said a word to one another2     
indeed1 it was  the first evening we had
 any of us met one another--that is1    
unless the  thing was not a dream4 ,i   
picked it up4 ,the others gathered round
 me1 and  when we looked into one       
another's eyes we understood3 it was a  
broken  wine-cup1 a curious goblet of   
,bavarian glass4 ,it was the goblet out 
of  which we had all dreamt that we had 
drunk4    ,i have put the story together
 as it seems to me it must have         
happened4  ,the incidents1 at all       
events1 are facts4 ,things have since   

occurred to  those concerned affording  
me hope that they will never read it4 ,i
 should  not have troubled to tell it at
 all1 but that it has a moral4          
9999999999    ,six persons sat round the
 great oak table in the wainscoted      
,speise  ,saal of that cosy hostelry1   
the ,kneiper ,hof at ,konigsberg4 ,it   
was late  into the night4 ,under        
ordinary circumstances they would have  
been in  bed1 but having arrived by the 
last train from ,dantzic1 and having    
supped on ,german fare1 it had seemed to
 them discreeter to remain awhile  in   
talk4 ,the house was strangely silent4  
,the rotund landlord1 leaving  their    
candles ranged upon the sideboard1 had  
wished them ,gute ,nacht  an hour       
before4 ,the spirit of the ancient house
 enfolded them within its  wings4       
,here in this very chamber1 if rumour is
 to be believed1 ,emmanuel ,kant        
himself had sat discoursing many a time 
and oft4 ,the walls1 behind which  for  
more than forty years the little        

peak-faced man had thought and  worked1 
rose silvered by the moonlight just     
across the narrow way2 the  three high  
windows of the ,speise ,saal give out   
upon the old ,cathedral  tower beneath  
which now he rests4 ,philosophy1 curious
 concerning human  phenomena1 eager for 
experience1 unhampered by the limitation
 ,convention  would impose upon all     
speculation1 was in the smoky air4      
,not into future events1 remarked the   
,rev4 ,nathaniel ,armitage1 it  is      
better they should be hidden from us4   
,but into the future of  ourselves--our 
temperament1 our character--,i think we 
ought to be  allowed to see4 ,at twenty 
we are one individual2 at forty1 another
  person entirely1 with other views1    
with other interests1 a different       
outlook upon life1 attracted by quite   
other attributes1 repelled by the  very 
qualities that once attracted us4 ,it is
 extremely awkward1 for all  of us4     
,i am glad to hear somebody else say    
that1 observed ,mrs4 ,everett1 in  her  

gentle1 sympathetic voice4 ,i have      
thought it all myself so often4         
,sometimes ,i have blamed myself1 yet   
how can one help it3 the things that    
appeared of importance to us1 they      
become indifferent2 new voices call  to 
us2 the idols we once worshipped1 we see
 their feet of clay4    ,if under the   
head of idols you include me1 laughed   
the jovial ,mr4  ,everett1 don't        
hesitate to say so4 ,he was a large     
red-faced gentleman1  with small        
twinkling eyes1 and a mouth both strong 
and sensuous4 ,i  didn't make my feet   
myself4 ,i never asked anybody to take  
me for a  stained-glass saint4 ,it is   
not ,i who have changed4    ,i know1    
dear1 it is ,i1 his thin wife answered  
with a meek smile4 ,i  was beautiful1   
there was no doubt about it1 when you   
married me4    ,you were1 my dear1      
agreed her husband3 ,as a girl few could
 hold a  candle to you4    ,it was the  
only thing about me that you valued1 my 
beauty1 continued  his wife2 and it went

 so quickly4 ,i feel sometimes as if ,i 
had swindled  you4    ,but there is a   
beauty of the mind1 of the soul1        
remarked the ,rev4  ,nathaniel          
,armitage1 that to some men is more     
attractive than mere  physical          
perfection4    ,the soft eyes of the    
faded lady shone for a moment with the  
light of  pleasure4 ,i am afraid ,dick  
is not of that number1 she sighed4      
,well1 as ,i said just now about my     
feet1 answered her husband genially1  ,i
 didn't make myself4 ,i always have been
 a slave to beauty and always  shall be4
 ,there would be no sense in pretending 
among chums that you  haven't lost your 
looks1 old girl4 ,he laid his fine hand 
with kindly  intent upon her bony       
shoulder4 ,but there is no call for you 
to fret  yourself as if you had done it 
on purpose4 ,no one but a lover imagines
 a  woman growing more beautiful as she 
grows older4    ,some women would seem  
to1 answered his wife4    ,involuntarily
 she glanced to where ,mrs4 ,camelford  

sat with elbows  resting on the table2  
and involuntarily also the small        
twinkling eyes of  her husband followed 
in the same direction4 ,there is a type 
that reaches  its prime in middle age4  
,mrs4 ,camelford1 nee ,jessica          
,dearwood1 at  twenty had been an       
uncanny-looking creature1 the only thing
 about her  appealing to general        
masculine taste having been her         
magnificent eyes1  and even these had   
frightened more than they had allured4  
,at forty1 ,mrs4  ,camelford might have 
posed for the entire ,juno4    ,yes1    
he's a cunning old joker is ,time1      
murmured ,mr4 ,everett1 almost          
inaudibly4    ,what ought to have       
happened1 said ,mrs4 ,armitage1 while   
with deft  fingers rolling herself a    
cigarette1 was for you and ,nellie to   
have  married4    ,mrs4 ,everett's pale 
face flushed scarlet4    ,my dear1      
exclaimed the shocked ,nathaniel        
,armitage1 flushing likewise4    ,oh1   
why may one not sometimes speak the     

truth8 answered his wife  petulantly4   
,you and ,i are utterly unsuited to one 
another--everybody  sees it4 ,at        
nineteen it seemed to me beautiful1     
holy1 the idea of being  a clergyman's  
wife1 fighting by his side against evil4
 ,besides1 you have  changed since then4
 ,you were human1 my dear ,nat1 in those
 days1 and  the best dancer ,i had ever 
met4 ,it was your dancing was your chief
  attraction for me as likely as not1 if
 ,i had only known myself4 ,at  nineteen
 how can one know oneself8    ,we loved 
each other1 the ,rev4 ,armitage reminded
 her4    ,i know we did1                
passionately--then2 but we don't now4   
,she laughed a  little bitterly4 ,poor  
,nat6 ,i am only another trial added to 
your  long list4 ,your beliefs1 your    
ideals are meaningless to me--mere      
narrow-minded dogmas1 stifling thought4 
,nellie was the wife ,nature had        
intended for you1 so soon as she had    
lost her beauty and with it all her     
worldly ideas4 ,fate was maturing her   

for you1 if only we had known4  ,as for 
me1 ,i ought to have been the wife of an
 artist1 of a poet4  ,unconsciously a   
glance from her ever restless eyes      
flashed across the  table to where      
,horatio ,camelford sat1 puffing clouds 
of smoke into  the air from a huge black
 meerschaum pipe4 ,bohemia is my        
country4 ,its  poverty1 its struggle    
would have been a joy to me4 ,breathing 
its free  air1 life would have been     
worth living4    ,horatio ,camelford    
leant back with eyes fixed on the oaken 
ceiling4 ,it  is a mistake1 said        
,horatio ,camelford1 for the artist ever
 to marry4    ,the handsome ,mrs4       
,camelford laughed good-naturedly4 ,the 
artist1  remarked ,mrs4 ,camelford1 from
 what ,i have seen of him would never   
know  the inside of his shirt from the  
outside if his wife was not there to    
take it out of the drawer and put it    
over his head4    ,his wearing it inside
 out would not make much difference to  
the world1  argued her husband4 ,the    

sacrifice of his art to the necessity of
  keeping his wife and family does4     
,well1 you at all events do not appear  
to have sacrificed much1 my boy1  came  
the breezy voice of ,dick ,everett4     
,why1 all the world is ringing  with    
your name4    ,when ,i am forty-one1    
with all the best years of my life      
behind me1  answered the ,poet4         
,speaking as a man1 ,i have nothing to  
regret4 ,no one  could have had a better
 wife2 my children are charming4 ,i have
 lived  the peaceful existence of the   
successful citizen4 ,had ,i been true to
 my  trust ,i should have gone out into 
the wilderness1 the only possible  home 
of the teacher1 the prophet4 ,the artist
 is the bridegroom of ,art4  ,marriage  
for him is an immorality4 ,had ,i my    
time again ,i should remain a  bachelor4
    ,time brings its revenges1 you see1 
laughed ,mrs4 ,camelford4 ,at twenty    
that fellow threatened to commit suicide
 if ,i would not marry him1 and         
cordially disliking him ,i consented4   

,now twenty years later1 when ,i am     
just getting used to him1 he calmly     
turns round and says he would have  been
 better without me4    ,i heard         
something about it at the time1 said    
,mrs4 ,armitage4 ,you were  very much in
 love with somebody else1 were you not8 
,is not the conversation assuming a     
rather dangerous direction8 laughed     
,mrs4 ,camelford4    ,i was thinking the
 same thing1 agreed ,mrs4 ,everett4 ,one
 would imagine  some strange influence  
had seized upon us1 forcing us to speak 
our  thoughts aloud4    ,i am afraid ,i 
was the original culprit1 admitted the  
,reverend  ,nathaniel4 ,this room is    
becoming quite oppressive4 ,had we not  
better go  to bed8    ,the ancient lamp 
suspended from its smoke-grimed beam    
uttered a faint1  gurgling sob1 and     
spluttered out4 ,the shadow of the old  
,cathedral  tower crept in and stretched
 across the room1 now illuminated only  
by  occasional beams from the           
cloud-curtained moon4 ,at the other end 

of the  table sat a peak-faced little   
gentleman1 clean-shaven1 in             
full-bottomed  wig4    ,forgive me1 said
 the little gentleman4 ,he spoke in     
,english1 with a  strong accent4 ,but it
 seems to me here is a case where two   
parties  might be of service to one     
another4    ,the six fellow-travellers  
round the table looked at one another1  
but  none spoke4 ,the idea that came to 
each of them1 as they explained to  one 
another later1 was that without         
remembering it they had taken their     
candles and had gone to bed4 ,this was  
surely a dream4    ,it would greatly    
assist me1 continued the little         
peak-faced gentleman1  in experiments ,i
 am conducting into the phenomena of    
human tendencies1  if you would allow me
 to put your lives back twenty years4   
,still no one of the six replied4 ,it   
seemed to them that the little  old     
gentleman must have been sitting there  
among them all the time1  unnoticed by  
them4    ,judging from your talk this   

evening1 continued the peak-faced little
  gentleman1 you should welcome my      
offer4 ,you appear to me to be one and  
all of exceptional intelligence4 ,you   
perceive the mistakes that you have     
made3 you understand the causes4 ,the   
future veiled1 you could not help       
yourselves4 ,what ,i propose to do is to
 put you back twenty years4  ,you will  
be boys and girls again1 but with this  
difference3 that the  knowledge of the  
future1 so far as it relates to         
yourselves1 will remain  with you4      
,come1 urged the old gentleman1 the     
thing is quite simple of                
accomplishment4 ,as--as a certain       
philosopher has clearly proved3 the     
universe is only the result of our own  
perceptions4 ,by what may appear  to you
 to be magic--by what in reality will be
 simply a chemical  operation--,i remove
 from your memory the events of the last
 twenty  years1 with the exception of   
what immediately concerns your own      
personalities4 ,you will retain all     

knowledge of the changes1 physical  and 
mental1 that will be in store for you2  
all else will pass from your            
perception4    ,the little old gentleman
 took a small phial from his waistcoat  
pocket1  and1 filling one of the massive
 wine-glasses from a decanter1 measured 
into it some half-a-dozen drops4 ,then  
he placed the glass in the centre  of   
the table4    ,youth is a good time to  
go back to1 said the peak-faced little  
gentleman1 with a smile4 ,twenty years  
ago1 it was the night of the ,hunt      
,ball4 ,you remember it8    ,it was     
,everett who drank first4 ,he drank it  
with his little twinkling  eyes fixed   
hungrily on the proud handsome face of  
,mrs4 ,camelford2 and  then handed the  
glass to his wife4 ,it was she perhaps  
who drank from  it most eagerly4 ,her   
life with ,everett1 from the day when   
she had risen  from a bed of sickness   
stripped of all her beauty1 had been one
 bitter  wrong4 ,she drank with the wild
 hope that the thing might possibly be  

not a dream2 and thrilled to the touch  
of the man she loved1 as reaching       
across the table he took the glass from 
her hand4 ,mrs4 ,armitage was the       
fourth to drink4 ,she took the cup from 
her husband1 drank with a quiet  smile1 
and passed it on to ,camelford4 ,and    
,camelford drank1 looking at  nobody1   
and replaced the glass upon the table4  
,come1 said the little old gentleman to 
,mrs4 ,camelford1 you are the  only one 
left4 ,the whole thing will be          
incomplete without you4    ,i have no   
wish to drink1 said ,mrs4 ,camelford1   
and her eyes sought  those of her       
husband1 but he would not look at her4  
,come1 again urged the ,figure4 ,and    
then ,camelford looked at her and       
laughed drily4    ,you had better drink1
 he said4 ,it's only a dream4    ,if you
 wish it1 she answered4 ,and it was from
 his hands she took the  glass4         
9999999999    ,it is from the narrative 
as ,armitage told it to me that night in
 the  ,club smoking-room that ,i am     

taking most of my material4 ,it seemed  
to him  that all things began slowly to 
rise upward1 leaving him stationary1 but
  with a great pain as though the inside
 of him were being torn away--the  same 
sensation greatly exaggerated1 so he    
likened it1 as descending in  a lift4   
,but around him all the time was silence
 and darkness unrelieved4  ,after a     
period that might have been minutes1    
that might have been years1  a faint    
light crept towards him4 ,it grew       
stronger1 and into the air  which now   
fanned his cheek there stole the sound  
of far-off music4 ,the  light and the   
music both increased1 and one by one his
 senses came back  to him4 ,he was      
seated on a low cushioned bench beneath 
a group of palms4  ,a young girl was    
sitting beside him1 but her face was    
turned away from  him4    ,i did not    
catch your name1 he was saying4 ,would  
you mind telling it  to me8    ,she     
turned her face towards him4 ,it was the
 most spiritually beautiful  face he had

 ever seen4 ,i am in the same           
predicament1 she laughed4 ,you  had     
better write yours on my programme1 and 
,i will write mine on yours4    ,so they
 wrote upon each other's programme and  
exchanged again4 ,the name  she had     
written was ,alice ,blatchley4    ,he   
had never seen her before1 that he could
 remember4 ,yet at the back of  his mind
 there dwelt the haunting knowledge of  
her4 ,somewhere long ago  they had met1 
talked together4 ,slowly1 as one recalls
 a dream1 it came  back to him4 ,in some
 other life1 vague1 shadowy1 he had     
married this  woman4 ,for the first few 
years they had loved each other2 then   
the gulf  had opened between them1      
widened4 ,stern1 strong voices had      
called to him  to lay aside his selfish 
dreams1 his boyish ambitions1 to take   
upon his  shoulders the yoke of a great 
duty4 ,when more than ever he had       
demanded  sympathy and help1 this woman 
had fallen away from him4 ,his ideals   
but  irritated her4 ,only at the cost of

 daily bitterness had he been able to   
resist her endeavours to draw him from  
his path4 ,a face--that of a  woman with
 soft eyes1 full of helpfulness1 shone  
through the mist of  his dream--the face
 of a woman who would one day come to   
him out of the  ,future with            
outstretched hands that he would yearn  
to clasp4    ,shall we not dance8 said  
the voice beside him4 ,i really won't   
sit out  a waltz4    ,they hurried into 
the ball-room4 ,with his arm about her  
form1 her  wondrous eyes shyly1 at rare 
moments1 seeking his1 then vanishing    
again  behind their drooping lashes1 the
 brain1 the mind1 the very soul of the  
young man passed out of his own keeping4
 ,she complimented him in her           
bewitching manner1 a delightful blending
 of condescension and timidity4    ,you 
dance extremely well1 she told him4 ,you
 may ask me for another1  later on4     
,the words flashed out from that dim    
haunting future4 ,your dancing was  your
 chief attraction for me1 as likely as  

not1 had ,i but known8    ,all that     
evening and for many months to come the 
,present and the ,future  fought within 
him4 ,and the experience of ,nathaniel  
,armitage1 divinity  student1 was the   
experience likewise of ,alice           
,blatchley1 who had fallen  in love with
 him at first sight1 having found him   
the divinest dancer  she had ever       
whirled with to the sensuous music of   
the waltz2 of ,horatio  ,camelford1     
journalist and minor poet1 whose        
journalism earned him a bare  income1   
but at whose minor poetry critics       
smiled2 of ,jessica ,dearwood1  with her
 glorious eyes1 and muddy complexion1   
and her wild hopeless  passion for the  
big1 handsome1 ruddy-bearded ,dick      
,everett1 who1 knowing  it1 only laughed
 at her in his kindly1 lordly way1      
telling her with  frank brutalness that 
the woman who was not beautiful had     
missed her  vocation in life2 of that   
scheming1 conquering young gentleman    
himself1  who at twenty-five had already

 made his mark in the ,city1 shrewd1    
clever1 cool-headed as a fox1 except    
where a pretty face and shapely  hand or
 ankle were concerned2 of ,nellie       
,fanshawe1 then in the pride of  her    
ravishing beauty1 who loved none but    
herself1 whose clay-made gods  were     
jewels1 and fine dresses and rich       
feasts1 the envy of other women  and the
 courtship of all mankind4    ,that     
evening of the ball each clung to the   
hope that this memory of the  future was
 but a dream4 ,they had been introduced 
to one another2 had  heard each other's 
names for the first time with a start of
 recognition2  had avoided one another's
 eyes2 had hastened to plunge into      
meaningless  talk2 till that moment when
 young ,camelford1 stooping to pick up  
,jessica's fan1 had found that broken   
fragment of the ,rhenish wine-glass4    
,then it was that conviction refused to 
be shaken off1 that knowledge of  the   
future had to be sadly accepted4        
,what they had not foreseen was that    

knowledge of the future in no way       
affected their emotions of the present4 
,nathaniel ,armitage grew day by  day   
more hopelessly in love with bewitching 
,alice ,blatchley4 ,the thought  of her 
marrying anyone else--the long-haired1  
priggish ,camelford in  particular--sent
 the blood boiling through his veins2   
added to which  sweet ,alice1 with her  
arms about his neck1 would confess to   
him that  life without him would be a   
misery hardly to be endured1 that the   
thought of him as the husband of another
 woman--of ,nellie ,fanshawe in         
particular--was madness to her4 ,it was 
right perhaps1 knowing what  they did1  
that they should say good-bye to one    
another4 ,she would bring  sorrow into  
his life4 ,better far that he should put
 her away from him1  that she should die
 of a broken heart1 as she felt sure she
 would4 ,how  could he1 a fond lover1   
inflict this suffering upon her8 ,he    
ought of  course to marry ,nellie       
,fanshawe1 but he could not bear the    

girl4 ,would  it not be the height of   
absurdity to marry a girl he strongly   
disliked  because twenty years hence she
 might be more suitable to him than the 
woman he now loved and who loved him8   
,nor could ,nellie ,fanshawe bring      
herself to discuss without laughter the 
suggestion of marrying on a             
hundred-and-fifty a year a curate that  
she positively hated4 ,there would come 
a time when wealth would be  indifferent
 to her1 when her exalted spirit would  
ask but for the  satisfaction of        
self-sacrifice4 ,but that time had not  
arrived4 ,the  emotions it would bring  
with it she could not in her present    
state even  imagine4 ,her whole present 
being craved for the things of this     
world1  the things that were within her 
grasp4 ,to ask her to forego them now   
because later on she would not care for 
them6 it was like telling a  schoolboy  
to avoid the tuck-shop because1 when a  
man1 the thought of  stick-jaw would be 
nauseous to him4 ,if her capacity for   

enjoyment was to  be short-lived1 all   
the more reason for grasping joy        
quickly4    ,alice ,blatchley1 when her 
lover was not by1 gave herself many a   
headache  trying to think the thing out 
logically4 ,was it not foolish of her to
  rush into this marriage with dear     
,nat8 ,at forty she would wish she  had 
married somebody else4 ,but most women  
at forty--she judged from  conversation 
round about her--wished they had married
 somebody else4 ,if  every girl at      
twenty listened to herself at forty     
there would be no  more marriage4 ,at   
forty she would be a different person   
altogether4 ,that  other elderly person 
did not interest her4 ,to ask a young   
girl to spoil  her life purely in the   
interests of this middle-aged party--it 
did not  seem right4 ,besides1 whom else
 was she to marry8 ,camelford would not 
have her2 he did not want her then2 he  
was not going to want her at  forty4    
,for practical purposes ,camelford was  
out of the question4 ,she  might marry  

somebody else altogether--and fare      
worse4 ,she might remain  a spinster3   
she hated the mere name of spinster4    
,the inky-fingered woman  journalist    
that1 if all went well1 she might       
become3 it was not her  idea4 ,was she  
acting selfishly8 ,ought she1 in his own
 interests1 to  refuse to marry dear    
,nat8 ,nellie--the little cat--who would
 suit him at  forty1 would not have him4
 ,if he was going to marry anyone but   
,nellie he  might as well marry her1    
,alice4 ,a bachelor clergyman6 it       
sounded almost  improper4 ,nor was dear 
,nat the type4 ,if she threw him over it
 would be  into the arms of some        
designing minx4 ,what was she to do8    
,camelford at forty1 under the influence
 of favourable criticism1 would  have   
persuaded himself he was a heaven-sent  
prophet1 his whole life  to be          
beautifully spent in the saving of      
mankind4 ,at twenty he felt he  wanted  
to live4 ,weird-looking ,jessica1 with  
her magnificent eyes veiling  mysteries1

 was of more importance to him than the 
rest of the species  combined4          
,knowledge of the future in his case    
only spurred desire4 ,the  muddy        
complexion would grow pink and white1   
the thin limbs round and  shapely2 the  
now scornful eyes would one day light   
with love at his  coming4 ,it was what  
he had once hoped3 it was what he now   
knew4 ,at forty  the artist is stronger 
than the man2 at twenty the man is      
stronger than  the artist4    ,an       
uncanny creature1 so most folks would   
have described ,jessica  ,dearwood4 ,few
 would have imagined her developing into
 the good-natured1  easy-going ,mrs4    
,camelford of middle age4 ,the animal1  
so strong within  her at twenty1 at     
thirty had burnt itself out4 ,at        
eighteen1 madly1  blindly in love with  
red-bearded1 deep-voiced ,dick ,everett 
she would1  had he whistled to her1 have
 flung herself gratefully at his feet1  
and  this in spite of the knowledge     
forewarning her of the miserable life   

he would certainly lead her1 at all     
events until her slowly developing      
beauty should give her the whip hand of 
him--by which time she would  have come 
to despise him4 ,fortunately1 as she    
told herself1 there was  no fear of his 
doing so1 the future notwithstanding4   
,nellie ,fanshawe's  beauty held him as 
with chains of steel1 and ,nellie had no
 intention  of allowing her rich prize  
to escape her4 ,her own lover1 it was   
true1  irritated her more than any man  
she had ever met1 but at least he  would
 afford her refuge from the bread of    
charity4 ,jessica ,dearwood1 an  orphan1
 had been brought up by a distant       
relative4 ,she had not been the  child  
to win affection4 ,of silent1 brooding  
nature1 every thoughtless  incivility   
had been to her an insult1 a wrong4     
,acceptance of young  ,camelford seemed 
her only escape from a life that had    
become to her a  martyrdom4 ,at         
forty-one he would wish he had remained 
a bachelor2 but at  thirty-eight that   

would not trouble her4 ,she would know  
herself he was  much better off as he   
was4 ,meanwhile1 she would have come to 
like him1  to respect him4 ,he would be 
famous1 she would be proud of him4      
,crying  into her pillow--she could not 
help it--for love of handsome ,dick1 it 
was still a comfort to reflect that     
,nellie ,fanshawe1 as it were1 was      
watching over her1 protecting her from  
herself4    ,dick1 as he muttered to    
himself a dozen times a day1 ought to   
marry  ,jessica4 ,at thirty-eight she   
would be his ideal4 ,he looked at her as
  she was at eighteen1 and shuddered4   
,nellie at thirty would be plain and    
uninteresting4 ,but when did            
consideration of the future ever cry    
halt  to passion3 when did a lover ever 
pause thinking of the morrow8 ,if her   
beauty was to quickly pass1 was not that
 one reason the more urging him  to     
possess it while it lasted8    ,nellie  
,fanshawe at forty would be a saint4    
,the prospect did not please  her3 she  

hated saints4 ,she would love the       
tiresome1 solemn ,nathaniel3 of  what   
use was that to her now8 ,he did not    
desire her2 he was in love with  ,alice1
 and ,alice was in love with him4 ,what 
would be the sense--even if  they all   
agreed--in the three of them making     
themselves miserable for  all their     
youth that they might be contented in   
their old age8 ,let age  fend for itself
 and leave youth to its own instincts4  
,let elderly saints  suffer--it was     
their metier--and youth drink the cup of
 life4 ,it was a  pity ,dick was the    
only catch available1 but he was young  
and handsome4  ,other girls had to put  
up with sixty and the gout4    ,another 
point1 a very serious point1 had been   
overlooked4 ,all that had  arrived to   
them in that dim future of the past had 
happened to them as  the results of     
their making the marriages they had     
made4 ,to what fate  other roads would  
lead their knowledge could not tell     
them4 ,nellie  ,fanshawe had become at  

forty a lovely character4 ,might not the
 hard life  she had led with her        
husband--a life calling for continual   
sacrifice1  for daily self-control--have
 helped towards this end8 ,as the wife  
of a  poor curate of high moral         
principles1 would the same result have  
been  secured8 ,the fever that had      
robbed her of her beauty and turned her 
thoughts inward had been the result of  
sitting out on the balcony of the       
,paris ,opera ,house with an ,italian   
,count on the occasion of a fancy dress 
ball4 ,as the wife of an ,east ,end     
clergyman the chances are she would     
have escaped that fever and its         
purifying effects4 ,was there not danger
  in the position3 a supremely beautiful
 young woman1 worldly-minded1  hungry   
for pleasure1 condemned to a life of    
poverty with a man she did  not care    
for8 ,the influence of ,alice upon      
,nathaniel ,armitage1 during  those     
first years when his character was      
forming1 had been all for  good4 ,could 

he be sure that1 married to ,nellie1 he 
might not have  deteriorated8    ,were  
,alice ,blatchley to marry an artist    
could she be sure that at forty  she    
would still be in sympathy with artistic
 ideals8 ,even as a child had  not her  
desire ever been in the opposite        
direction to that favoured  by her      
nurse8 ,did not the reading of          
,conservative journals invariably       
incline her towards ,radicalism1 and the
 steady stream of ,radical talk  round  
her husband's table invariably set her  
seeking arguments in favour  of the     
feudal system8 ,might it not have been  
her husband's growing  ,puritanism that 
had driven her to crave for             
,bohemianism8 ,suppose that  towards    
middle age1 the wife of a wild artist1  
she suddenly took  religion1 as the     
saying is4 ,her last state would be     
worse than the  first4    ,camelford was
 of delicate physique4 ,as an           
absent-minded bachelor with  no one to  
give him his meals1 no one to see that  

his things were aired1  could he have   
lived till forty8 ,could he be sure that
 home life had not  given more to his   
art than it had taken from it8          
,jessica ,dearwood1 of a nervous1       
passionate nature1 married to a bad     
husband1 might at forty have posed for  
one of the ,furies4 ,not until her  life
 had become restful had her good looks  
shown themselves4 ,hers was  the type of
 beauty that for its development demands
 tranquillity4    ,dick ,everett had no 
delusions concerning himself4 ,that1 had
 he married  ,jessica1 he could for ten 
years have remained the faithful husband
 of a  singularly plain wife he knew to 
be impossible4 ,but ,jessica would  have
 been no patient ,griselda4 ,the extreme
 probability was that  having married   
her at twenty for the sake of her beauty
 at thirty1 at  twenty-nine at latest   
she would have divorced him4    ,everett
 was a man of practical ideas4 ,it was  
he who took the matter in  hand4 ,the   
refreshment contractor admitted that    

curious goblets of ,german  glass       
occasionally crept into their stock4    
,one of the waiters1 on the             
understanding that in no case should he 
be called upon to pay for them1         
admitted having broken more than one    
wine-glass on that particular  evening3 
thought it not unlikely he might have   
attempted to hide the  fragments under a
 convenient palm4 ,the whole thing      
evidently was a  dream4 ,so youth       
decided at the time1 and the three      
marriages took place  within three      
months of one another4    ,it was some  
ten years later that ,armitage told me  
the story that night  in the ,club      
smoking-room4 ,mrs4 ,everett had just   
recovered from a severe  attack of      
rheumatic fever1 contracted the spring  
before in ,paris4 ,mrs4  ,camelford1    
whom previously ,i had not met1         
certainly seemed to me one of  the      
handsomest women ,i have ever seen4     
,mrs4 ,armitage--,i knew her when  she  
was ,alice ,blatchley--,i found more    

charming as a woman than she  had been  
as a girl4 ,what she could have seen in 
,armitage ,i never could  understand4   
,camelford made his mark some ten years 
later3 poor fellow1  he did not live    
long to enjoy his fame4 ,dick ,everett  
has still another  six years to work    
off2 but he is well behaved1 and there  
is talk of a  petition4    ,it is a     
curious story altogether1 ,i admit4 ,as 
,i said at the beginning1 ,i  do not    
myself believe it4