frontispiece,,the ,,modern              
,,dinner-,,table4  ,,manners ,,and      
,,social ,,usages ,,by ,,mrs4 ,,john    
,,sherwood ,m4,e4,w4  ,,author ,,of ,a  
,,transplanted ,,rose  ,manners are the 
shadows of great virtues4--,whateley    
,solid ,fashion is funded               
politeness4--,emerson  ,,new ,,and      
,,enlarged ,,edition1 ,,revised ,,by    
,,the ,,author  ,,jun #aa #ahhg     ,,pg
 ,,transcriber',s ,,notes3  ,this       
etiquette manual was probably originally
 a series of columns in a newspaper or a
 magazine like ,harper's1 as the        
chapters on weddings in the different   
seasons refer to how the fashions have  
changed since the last one--by the      
original copyright1 #ahhd1 though the   
book version appeared in #ahhg4 ,notable
 features among the usual3 how to dance 
the ,german1 or ,cotillon2 remarks and  
four chapters on ,english1 ,french1 or  
others in contrast to ,american customs1
 making it a guide to ,european manners2
 proper behavior for the single woman   

past girlhood2 appropriate costumes for 
many occasions2 three chapters on staff 
and servants4   ,,preface4  ,there is no
 country where there are so many people 
asking what is proper to do1 or1 indeed1
 where there are so many genuinely      
anxious to do the proper thing1 as in   
the vast conglomerate which we call the 
,united ,states of ,america4 ,the       
newness of our country is perpetually   
renewed by the sudden making of         
fortunes1 and by the absence of a       
hereditary1 reigning set4 ,there is no  
aristocracy here which has the right and
 title to set the fashions4  ,but a     
reigning set1 whether it depend upon    
hereditary right or adventitious wealth1
 if it be possessed of a desire to lead 
and a disposition to hospitality1       
becomes for a period the dictator of    
fashion to a large number of lookers-on4
 ,the travelling world1 living far from 
great centres1 goes to ,newport1        
,saratoga1 ,new ,york1 ,washington1     
,philadelphia1 ,boston1 and gazes on    

what is called the latest ,american     
fashion4 ,this1 though exploited by what
 we may call for the sake of distinction
 the newer set1 is influenced and shaped
 in some degree by people of native     
refinement and taste1 and that wide     
experience which is gained by travel and
 association with broad and cultivated  
minds4 ,they counteract the tendency to 
vulgarity1 which is the great danger of 
a newly launched society1 so that our   
social condition improves1 rather than  
retrogrades1 with every decade4  ,there 
may be many social purists who will     
disagree with us in this statement4 ,men
 and women educated in the creeds of the
 ,old ,world1 with the good blood of a  
long ancestry of quiet ladies and       
gentlemen1 find modern ,american        
society1 particularly in ,new ,york and 
at ,newport1 fast1 furious1 and vulgar4 
,there are1 of course1 excesses         
committed everywhere in the name of     
fashion2 but we cannot see that they are
 peculiar to ,america4 ,we can only     

answer that the creed of fashion is one 
of perpetual change4 ,there is a        
,council of ,trent1 we may say1 every   
five years1 perhaps even every two      
years1 in our new and changeful country1
 and we learn that1 follow as we may    
either the grand old etiquette of       
,england or the more gay and shifting   
social code of ,france1 we still must   
make an original etiquette of our own4  
,our political system alone1 where the  
lowest may rise to the highest          
preferment1 upsets in a measure all that
 the ,old ,world insists upon in matters
 of precedence and formality4 ,certain  
immutable principles remain common to   
all elegant people who assume to gather 
society about them1 and who wish to     
enter its portals2 the absent-minded    
scholar from his library should not     
ignore them1 the fresh young farmer from
 the countryside feels and recognizes   
their importance4 ,if we are to live    
together in unity we must make society a
 pleasant thing1 we must obey certain   

formal rules1 and these rules must      
conform to the fashion of the period4   
,and it is in no way derogatory to a new
 country like our own if on some minor  
points of etiquette we presume to differ
 from the older world4 ,we must fit our 
garments to the climate1 our manners to 
our fortunes and to our daily lives4    
,there are1 however1 faults and         
inelegancies of which foreigners accuse 
us which we may do well to consider4    
,one of these is the greater freedom    
allowed in the manners of our young     
women a freedom which1 as our ,new      
,world fills up with people of foreign  
birth1 cannot but lead to social        
disturbances4 ,other national faults1   
which ,english writers and critics      
kindly point out1 are our bumptiousness1
 our spread- eagleism1 and our too great
 familiarity and lack of dignity1 etc4  
,instead of growing angry over these    
criticisms1 perhaps we might as well    
look into the matter dispassionately1   
and see if we cannot turn the advice in 

some degree to our advantage4 ,we can1  
however1 decide for ourselves on certain
 points of etiquette which we borrow    
from nobody2 they are a part of our     
great nation1 of our republican         
institutions1 and of that continental   
hospitality which gives a home to the   
,russian1 the ,german1 the ,frenchman1  
the ,irishman1 man1 and the heathen     
,chinee4 ,a somewhat wide and elastic   
code1 as boundless as the prairies1 can 
alone meet the needs of these different 
citizens4 ,the old traditions of stately
 manners1 so common to the ,washington  
and ,jefferson days1 have almost died   
out here1 as similar manners have died  
out all over the world4 ,the war of     
#ahfa swept away what little was left of
 that once important ,american fact--a  
grandfather4 ,we began all over again2  
and now there comes up from this newer  
world a flood of questions3 ,how shall  
we manage all this8 ,how shall we use a 
fork8 ,when wear a dress-coat8 ,how and 
when and on whom shall we leave our     

cards8 ,how long and for whom shall we  
wear mourning8 ,what is the etiquette of
 a wedding8 ,how shall we give a        
dinner-party8 ,the young housekeeper of 
,kansas writes as to the manners she    
shall teach to her children2 the miner's
 wife1 having become rich1 asks how she 
shall arrange her house1 call on her    
neighbors1 write her letters8 ,many an  
anxious girl writes as to the propriety 
of driving out with a gentleman1 etc4   
,in fact1 there is one great universal  
question1 ,what is the etiquette of good
 society8  ,not a few people have tried 
to answer these questions1 and have     
broken down in the attempt4 ,many have  
made valuable manuals1 as far as they   
went2 but writers on etiquette commonly 
fail1 for one or two different reasons4 
,many attempt to write who know nothing 
of good society by experience1 and their
 books are full of ludicrous errors4    
,others have had the disadvantage of    
knowing too much1 of ignoring the       
beginning of things1 of supposing that  

the person who reads will take much for 
granted4 ,for a person who has an       
intuitive knowledge of etiquette1 who   
has been brought up from his mother's   
knee in the best society1 has always    
known what to do1 how to dress1 to whom 
to bow1 to write in the simplest way    
about etiquette would be impossible2 he 
would never know how little the reader1 
to whose edification he was addressing  
himself1 knew of the matter4  ,if1      
however1 an anxious inquirer should     
write and ask if mashed potato must be  
eaten with a knife or a fork1 or if     
napkins and finger bowls can be used at 
breakfast1 those questions he can       
answer4  ,it is with an effort to answer
 thousands of these questions1 written  
in good faith to ,harper's ,bazar1 that 
this book is undertaken4 ,the           
simplicity1 the directness1 and the     
evident desire to improve1 which        
characterize these anonymous letters1   
are all much to be commended4 ,many     
people have found themselves suddenly   

conquerors of material wealth1 the most 
successful colonists in the world1 the  
heirs of a great inheritance1 the       
builders of a new empire4 ,there is a   
true refinement manifested in their     
questions4 ,not only do men and women   
like to behave properly themselves1 but 
all desire to know what is the best     
school of manners1 that they may educate
 their children therein4 ,such minds are
 the best conservators of law and order4
 ,it is not a communistic spirit that   
asks1 ,how can ,i do this thing in a    
better way8 ,it is that wise and liberal
 conservatism which includes reverence  
for law1 respect for age1 belief in     
religion1 and a desire for a refined    
society4 ,a book on etiquette1 however  
patiently considered and honestly       
written1 must have many shortcomings1   
and contain disputed testimony4 ,all we 
can do is endeavor to mention those     
fashions and customs which we believe to
 be the best1 remembering always1 as we 
have said1 that the great law of change 

goes on forever1 that our stately       
grandfathers had fashions which we      
should now consider gross and           
unbecoming1 while we have customs1      
particularly of speech1 which would have
 shocked them4 ,this law of change is   
not only one which time modifies1 but   
with us the ,south1 the ,north1 the     
,east1 and the ,west differ as to       
certain points of etiquette4 ,all1      
however1 agree in saying that there is a
 good society in ,america whose mandates
 are supreme4 ,all feel that the        
well-bred man or woman is a recognized  
institution4 ,everybody laughed at the  
mistakes of ,daisy ,miller1 and saw     
wherein she and her mother were wrong4  
,independent ,american girls may still  
choose to travel without a chaperon1 but
 they must be prepared to fight a       
well-founded prejudice if they do4      
,there is a recognition of the necessity
 of good manners1 and a profound        
conviction1 let us hope1 that a graceful
 manner is the outcropping of a         

well-regulated mind and of a good heart4
  ,,contents4  ,,chapter 444 ,,page ,i4 
,women as ,leaders 444 #ac ,,ii4        
,optional ,civilities 444 #bi ,,iii4    
,good and ,bad ,society 444 #cf ,,iv4   
,on ,introducing ,people 444 #dd ,v4    
,visiting 444 #eh ,,vi4 ,invitations1   
,acceptances1 and ,regrets 444 #ff      
,,vii4 ,cards of ,compliment1 ,courtesy1
 ,condolence1 and ,congratulation 444   
#gd ,,viii4 ,the ,etiquette of ,weddings
 444 #hb ,,ix4 ,who ,pays for the ,cards
 444 #id ,x4 ,weddings after ,easter 444
 #ajb ,,xi4 ,summer ,weddings 444 #aaj  
,,xii ,autumn ,weddings 444 #aag ,,xiii4
 ,before the ,wedding and ,after 444    
#abe ,,xiv4 ,gold1 ,silver1 and ,tin    
,weddings 444 #acc ,,xv4 ,the ,etiquette
 of ,balls 444 #adb ,,xvi4 ,fashionable 
,dancing 444 #aej ,,xvii4 ,letters and  
,letter ,writing 444 #aei ,,xviii4      
,costly thy ,habit 444 #afg ,xl,x4      
,dressing for ,driving 444 #agd ,,xx4   
,incongruities of ,dress 444 #aha ,,xxi4
 ,etiquette of ,mourning 444 #ahh       

,,xxii4 ,mourning and ,funeral ,usages  
444 #bjj ,,xxiii4 ,letters of           
,condolence 444 #bjg ,,xxiv4 ,chaperons 
and ,their ,duties 444 #bad ,,xxv4      
,etiquette for ,elderly ,girls 444 #bbc 
,,xxvi4 ,new ,year's ,calls 444 #bcj    
,,xxvii4 ,matines ,and ,soires 444 #bci 
,,xxviii4 ,afternoon ,tea 444 #bdg      
,,xxix4 ,caudle ,and ,christening ,cups 
and ,ceremonies 444 #bee ,,xxx4 ,modern 
,dinner ,table 444 #bfa ,,xxxi4 ,laying 
the ,dinner-table 444 #bfi ,,xxxii4     
,favors and ,bonbonnires 444 #bgg       
,,xxxiii4 ,dinner ,table ,novelites 444 
#bhe ,,xxxiv4 ,summer ,dinners 444 #bib 
,,xxxv4 ,luncheons1 ,informal and       
,social 444 #cjj ,,xxxvi4 ,supper       
,parties 444 #cjg ,,xxxvii4 ,simple     
,dinners 444 #cad ,,xxxviii4 ,the ,small
 ,talk of ,society 444 #cbj ,,xxxix4    
,garden ,parties 444 #cbh ,,xl4 ,silver 
,weddings and ,other ,wedding           
,anniversaries 444 #cce ,,xli4 ,spring  
,and ,summer ,entertainments 444 #cdc   
,,xlii4 ,floral ,tributes and           

,decorations 444 #cec ,,xliii4 ,the     
,fork and the ,spoon 444 #cei ,,xliv4   
,napkins and ,table-cloths 444 #cfd     
,,xlv4 ,servants1 their ,dress and      
,duties 444 #cga ,,xlvi4 ,house with    
,one ,servant 444 #chj ,,xlvii4 ,house  
with ,two ,servants 444 #hhf ,,xlviii4  
,house with ,many ,servants 444 #cid    
,,xlix4 ,manners3 ,a ,study ,for ,the   
,awkward and the ,shy 444 #dja ,l4 ,how 
,to ,treat ,a ,guest 444 #djh ,,li4     
,lady ,and ,gentleman 444 #dae ,,lil    
,the ,manners of the ,past 444 #dbd     
,,liii4 ,the ,manners of the ,optimist  
444 #dhd ,,liv4 ,the ,manners of the    
,sympathetic 444 #dda ,,lv4 ,certain    
,questions ,answered 444 #dej ,,lvi4    
,english ,table ,manners and ,social    
,usages4 444 #deg ,,lvii4 ,american ,and
 ,english ,etiquette ,contrasted 444    
#dfe ,,lviii4 ,how ,to ,treat ,english  
,people 444 #dgc ,,lix4 ,a ,foreign     
,table ,d',hte1 and ,casino ,life       
,abroad 444 #dhj     ,,manners ,,and    
,,social ,,usages4  ,,chapter ,i4       

,,women ,,as ,,leaders4  ,nothing       
strikes the foreigner so much 7since the
 days of ,de ,tocqueville1 the first to 
mention it7 as the prominent position of
 woman in the best society of ,america4 
,she has almost no position in the      
political world4 ,she is not a leader1  
an intrigante in politics1 as she is in 
,france4 ,we have no ,madame de ,stael1 
no ,princess ,belgioso1 here to make and
 unmake our ,presidents2 but women do   
all the social work1 which in ,europe is
 done not only by women1 but by young   
bachelors and old ones1 statesmen1      
princes1 ambassadors1 and attaches4     
,officials are connected with every     
court whose business it is to visit1    
write and answer invitations1 leave     
cards1 call1 and perform all the        
multifarious duties of the social world4
  ,in ,america1 the lady of the house   
does all this4 ,her men are all in      
business or in pleasure1 her sons are at
 work or off yachting4 ,they cannot     
spend time to make their dinner         

calls--,mamma1 please leave my cards is 
the legend written on their banners4    
,thus to women1 as the conductors of    
social politics1 is committed the       
card--that pasteboard protocol1 whose   
laws are well defined in every land but 
our own4  ,now1 in ten different books  
on etiquette which we have consulted we 
find ten different opinions upon the    
subject of first calls1 as between two  
women4 ,we cannot1 therefore1 presume to
 decide where so many doctors disagree1 
but give the commonly received opinions 
as expressed by the customs of ,new     
,york society4  ,when should a lady call
 first upon a new and a desirable       
acquaintance8 ,not hastily4 ,she should 
have met the new and desirable          
acquaintance1 should have been properly 
introduced1 should feel sure that her   
acquaintance is desired4 ,the oldest    
resident1 the one most prominent in     
fashion1 should call first2 but1 if     
there is no such distinction1 two women 
need not forever stand at bay each      

waiting for the other to call4 ,a very  
admirable and polite expedient has been3
 substituted for a first call in the    
sending out of cards1 for several days  
in the month1 by a lady who wishes to   
begin her social life1 we will say1 in a
 new city4 ,these may or may not be     
accompanied by the card of some         
well-known friend4 ,if these cards bring
 the desired visits or the cards of the 
desired guests1 the beginner may feel   
that she has started on her society     
career with no loss of self respect4    
,those who do not respond are generally 
in a minority4 ,too much haste in making
 new acquaintances1 however--pushing1 as
 it is called-cannot be too much        
deprecated4  ,first calls should be     
returned within a week4 ,if a lady is   
invited to any entertainment by a new   
acquaintance1 whether the invitation    
come through a friend or not1 she should
 immediately leave cards1 and send      
either a regret or an acceptance4 ,to   
lose time in this matter is a great     

rudeness4 ,whether she attend the       
entertainment or not1 she should call   
after it within a week4 ,then1 having   
done all that is polite1 and having     
shown herself a woman of good-breeding1 
she can keep up the acquaintance or not 
as she pleases4 ,sometimes there are    
reasons why a lady does not wish to keep
 up the acquaintance1 but she must not1 
for her own sake1 be oblivious to the   
politeness extended4 ,some very rude    
people in ,new ,york have sent back     
invitations1 or failed to recognize the 
first attempt at civility1 saying1 ,we  
don't know the people4 ,this is not the 
way to discourage unpleasant            
familiarity4 ,in ,new ,york1 ,boston1   
and ,philadelphia1 and in the large     
cities of the ,west1 and generally in   
the country3 towns1 residents call first
 upon new-comers2 but in ,washington    
this custom is reversed1 and the        
new-comer calls first upon the resident4
 ,every one--officials of the highest   
down to the lowest grade returns these  

cards4 ,the visitor generally finds     
himself invited to the receptions of the
 ,president and his ,cabinet1 etc4 ,this
 arrangement is so convenient that it is
 a thousand pities it does not go into  
operation all over the country1         
particularly in those large cities where
 the resident cannot know if her dearest
 friend be in town unless informed in   
some such way of the fact4  ,this does  
not1 as might be supposed1 expose       
society to the intrusion of unwelcome   
visitors4 ,tact1 which is the only guide
 through the mazes of society1 will     
enable a woman to avoid anything like an
 unwelcome intimacy or a doubtful       
acquaintance1 even if such a person     
should call first4  ,now the question   
comes up1 and here doctors disagree3    
,when may a lady call by proxy1 or when 
may she send her card1 or when must she 
call in person8  ,after a dinner-party a
 guest must call in person and inquire  
if the hostess is at home4 ,for other   
entertainments it is allowed1 in ,new   

,york1 that the lady call by proxy1 or  
that she simply send her card4 ,in      
sending to inquire for a person's       
health1 cards may be sent by a servant1 
with a kindly message4  ,no first visit 
should1 however1 be returned by card    
only2 this would be considered a slight1
 unless followed by an invitation4 ,the 
size of ,new ,york1 the great distances1
 the busy life of a woman of charities1 
large family1 and immense circle of     
acquaintances may render a personal     
visit almost impossible4 ,she may be    
considered to have done her duty if she 
in her turn asks her new acquaintance to
 call on her on a specified day1 if she 
is not herself able to call4  ,bachelors
 should leave cards 7if they ever leave 
any7 on the master and mistress of the  
house1 and1 in ,america1 upon the young 
ladies4 ,a gentleman does not turn down 
the corners of his card--indeed1 that   
fashion has become almost obsolete1     
except1 perhaps1 where a lady wishes it 
distinctly understood that she has      

called in person4 ,the plainer the card 
the better4 ,a small1 thin card for a   
gentleman1 not glazed1 with his name in 
small script and his address well       
engraved in the corner1 is in good      
taste4 ,a lady's card should be larger1 
but not glazed or ornamented in any way4
 ,it is a rule with sticklers for       
good-breeding that after any            
entertainment a gentleman should leave  
his card in person1 although1 as we have
 said1 he often commits it to some      
feminine agency4  ,no gentleman should  
call on a lady unless she asks him to do
 so1 or unless he brings a letter of    
introduction1 or unless he is taken by a
 lady who is sufficiently intimate to   
invite him to call4 ,a lady should say  
to a gentleman1 if she wishes him to    
call1 ,i hope that we shall see you1 or1
 ,i am at home on ,monday1 or something 
of that sort4 ,if he receives an        
invitation to dinner or to a ball from a
 stranger1 he is bound to send an       
immediate answer1 call the very next    

day1 leave his card1 and then to call   
after the entertainment4  ,this1 at     
least1 is foreign etiquette1 and we     
cannot do better than import it4 ,this  
rule holds good for the entertainments  
of bachelors1 who should leave their    
cards on each other after an            
entertainment1 unless the intimacy is so
 great that no card- leaving is         
expected4  ,when a lady returns to town1
 after an absence in ,europe or in the  
country1 it is strict etiquette that she
 should leave cards on all her          
acquaintances and friends if she expects
 to entertain or to lead a gay1 social  
winter2 but as distances in our great   
cities are formidable1 as all ladies do 
not keep a carriage1 as most ladies have
 a great deal else to do besides making 
visits1 this long and troublesome       
process is sometimes simplified by      
giving a tea or a series of teas1 which 
enables the lady1 by staying at home on 
one evening of a week1 or two or three  
afternoons of a month1 to send out her  

cards to that effect1 and to thus show  
her friends that she at least remembers 
them4 ,as society and card-leaving thus 
become rapidly complicated1 a lady      
should have a visiting-book1 into which 
her list is carefully copied1 with      
spaces for days and future engagements4 
,a servant must be taught to receive the
 cards at the door1 remember messages1  
and recollect for whom they are left1 as
 it is not proper in calling upon ,mrs4 
,brown at a private house to write her  
name on your card4 ,at a crowded hotel  
this may be allowed1 but it is not      
etiquette in visiting at private houses4
 ,in returning visits1 observe the exact
 etiquette of the person who has left   
the first card4 ,a call must not be     
returned with a card only1 or a card by 
a call4 ,if a person send you a card by 
post1 return a card by post2 if a       
personal visit is made1 return it by a  
personal visit2 if your acquaintance    
leave cards only1 without inquiring if  
you are at home1 return the same        

courtesy4 ,if she has left the cards of 
the gentlemen of her family1 return     
those of the gentlemen of your family4  
,a young lady's card should almost      
always be accompanied by that of her    
mother or her chaperon4 ,it is well1 on 
her entrance into society1 that the name
 of the young lady be engraved on her   
mother's card4 ,after she has been out a
 year1 she may leave her own card only4 
,here ,american etiquette begins to     
differ from ,english etiquette4 ,in     
,london1 on the other hand1 no young    
lady leaves her card3 if she is         
motherless1 her name is engraved beneath
 the name of her father1 and the card of
 her chaperon is left with both until   
she becomes a maiden lady of somewhat   
mature if uncertain age4  ,it is rare   
now to see the names of both husband and
 wife engraved on one card1 as ,mr4 and 
,mrs4 ,brown4 ,the lady has her own     
card1 ,mrs4 ,octavius ,brown1 or with   
the addition1 ,the ,misses ,brown4 ,her 
husband has his separate card2 each of  

the sons has his own card4 ,no titles   
are used on visiting-cards in ,america1 
save military1 naval1 or judicial ones2 
and1 indeed1 many of our most           
distinguished judges have had cards     
printed simply with the name1 without   
prefix or affix4 ,mr4 ,webster1 ,mr4    
,winthrop1 ,henry ,clay are well-known  
instances of simplicity4 ,but a woman   
must always use the prefix ,mrs4 or     
,miss4 ,a gentleman may or may not use  
the prefix ,mr41 as he pleases1 but     
women must treat themselves with more   
respect4 ,no card is less proper than   
one which is boldly engraved ,gertrude  
,f4 ,brown2 it should be ,miss ,gertrude
 ,f4 ,brown4  ,a married lady always    
bears her husband's name1 during his    
life1 on her card4 ,some discussion is  
now going on as to whether she should   
continue to call herself ,mrs4 ,octavius
 ,brown or ,mrs4 ,mary ,brown after his 
death4 ,the burden of opinion is in     
favor of the latter--particularly as a  
son may bear his father's name1 so there

 will be two ,mrs4 ,octavius ,browns4   
,no lady wishes to be known as old ,mrs4
 ,octavius ,brown1 and as we do not use 
the convenient title of ,dowager1 we may
 as well take the alternative of the    
,christian name4 ,we cannot say ,mrs4   
,octavius ,brown1 ,jr41 if the husband  
has ceased to be a junior4 ,many married
 ladies hesitate to discard the name by 
which they have always been known4      
,perhaps the simple ,mrs4 ,brown is the 
best1 after all4 ,no lady should leave  
cards upon an unmarried gentleman1      
except in the case of his having given  
entertainments at which ladies were     
present4 ,then the lady of the house    
should drive to his door with the cards 
of herself and family1 allowing the     
footman to leave them4  ,the young      
ladies' names1 in such a case as this1  
should be engraven on their mother's    
card4  ,we have no leisure class1 as    
,henry ,james says in his brilliant     
,international ,episode2 but still young
 men should try to make time to call on 

those who entertain them1 showing by    
some sort of personal attention their   
gratitude for the politeness shown them4
 ,american young men are1 as a rule1    
very remiss about this matter of calling
 on the hostess whose hospitality they  
accept4  ,a gentleman should not call on
 a young lady without asking for her    
mother or her chaperon4 ,nor should he  
leave cards for her alone1 but always   
leave one for her mother4  ,ladies can1 
and often do1 write informal invitations
 on the visiting-card4 ,to teas1        
readings1 and small parties1 may be     
added the day of reception4 ,it is      
convenient and proper to send these     
cards by post4 ,everything can be sent  
by post now1 except an invitation to    
dinner1 and that must always be sent by 
private hand1 and an answer must be     
immediately returned in the same formal 
manner4  ,after balls1 amateur concerts1
 theatrical parties1 garden-parties1 or 
at homes1 cards should be left by all   
invited guests within a week after the  

invitation1 particularly if the invited 
guest has been obliged to decline4      
,these cards may be left without        
inquiring for the hostess1 if time      
presses2 but it is more polite to       
inquire for the hostess1 even if it is  
not her day4 ,if it is her reception    
day1 it would be rude not to inquire1   
enter1 and pay a personal visit4 ,after 
a dinner1 one must inquire for the      
hostess and pay a personal visit4 ,it is
 necessary to mention this fact1 because
 so many ladies have got into the habit 
7having large acquaintances7 of leaving 
or sending cards in by a footman1       
without inquiring for the hostess 7who  
is generally not at home71 that there   
has grown up a confusion1 which leads to
 offence being taken where none is      
meant4  ,it is not considered necessary 
to leave cards after a tea4 ,a lady     
leaves her cards as she enters the hall1
 pays her visit1 and the etiquette of a 
visiting acquaintance is thus           
established for a year4 ,she should1    

however1 give a tea herself1 asking all 
her entertainers4  ,if a lady has been  
invited to a tea or other entertainment 
through a friend without having known   
her hostess1 she is bound to call soon2 
but if the invitation is not followed up
 by a return card or another invitation1
 she must understand that the           
acquaintance is at an end4 ,she may1    
however1 invite her new friend1 within a
 reasonable time1 to some entertainment 
at her own house1 and if that is        
accepted1 the acquaintance goes on4 ,it 
is soon ascertained by a young woman who
 begins life in a new city whether her  
new friends intend to be friendly or the
 reverse4 ,a resident of a town or      
village can call1 with propriety1 on any
 new-comer4 ,the newcomer must return   
this call2 but1 if she does not desire a
 further acquaintance1 this can be the  
end of it4 ,the time of calling must in 
every town be settled by the habits of  
the place2 after two o'clock and before 
six is1 however1 generally safe4  ,in   

,england they have a pleasant fashion of
 calling to inquire for invalids or     
afflicted friends1 and of pencilling the
 words kind inquiries4 ,it has not      
obtained that popularity in ,america    
which it deserves1 and it would be well 
to introduce it4 ,if a lady call on a   
person who is a stranger to her1 and if 
she has difficulty in impressing her    
name on the servant1 she sends up her   
card1 while she waits to see if the lady
 will receive her4 ,but she must never  
on any occasion hand her own card to her
 hostess4 ,if she enters the parlor and 
finds her hostess there1 she must       
introduce herself by pronouncing her own
 name distinctly4 ,if she is acquainted 
with the lady1 she simply gives her name
 to the servant1 and does not send up   
her card4  ,wedding-cards have great    
prominence in ,america1 but we ignore   
those elaborate funeral-cards and       
christening-cards1 and printed cards    
with announcements of engagements1 and  
many other cards fashionable abroad4    

,with us the cards of the bride and her 
parents1 and sometimes of the fianc1 are
 sent to all friends before the wedding1
 and those of the invitation to the     
wedding to a few only1 it may be1 or to 
all1 as the family desire4 ,after the   
marriage1 the cards of the married pair1
 with their address1 are sent to all    
whose acquaintance is desired4          
,husbands and wives rarely call together
 in ,america1 although there is no law  
against their doing so4 ,it is unusual  
because1 as we have said1 we have no    
leisure class4 ,gentlemen are privileged
 to call on ,sunday1 after church1 and  
on ,sunday evenings4 ,a mother and      
daughter should call together1 or1 if   
the mother is an invalid1 the daughter  
can call1 leaving her mother's card4    
,not at home is a proper formula1 if    
ladies are not receiving2 nor does it   
involve a falsehood4 ,it merely means   
that the lady is not at home to company4
 ,the servant should also add1 ,mrs4    
,brown receives on ,tuesdays1 if the    

lady has a day4 ,were not ladies able to
 deny themselves to callers there would 
be no time in crowded cities for any    
sort of work1 or repose1 or leisure for 
self- improvement4 ,for1 with the many  
idle people who seek to rid themselves  
of the pain and penalty of their own    
vapid society by calling and making     
somebody else entertain them1 with the  
wandering book-agents and beggars1 or   
with even the overflow of society1 a    
lady would find her existence muddled   
away by the poorest and most abject of  
occupations--that of receiving a number 
of inconsiderate1 and perhaps           
impertinent1 wasters of time4  ,it is   
well for all house-keepers to devote one
 day in the week to the reception of    
visitors--the morning to tradespeople   
and those who may wish to see her on    
business1 and the afternoon to those who
 call socially4 ,it saves her time and  
simplifies matters4  ,nothing is more   
vulgar than that a caller should ask the
 servant where his mistress is1 when she

 went out1 when she will be in1 how soon
 she will be down1 etc4 ,all that a     
well-bred servant should say to such    
questions is1 ,i do not know1 madam4 ,a 
mistress should inform her servant after
 breakfast what he is to say to all     
comers4 ,it is very offensive to a      
visitor to be let in1 and then be told  
that she cannot see the lady of the     
house4 ,she feels personally insulted1  
and as if1 had she been some other      
person1 the lady of the house would     
perhaps have seen her4  ,if a servant1  
evidently ignorant and uncertain of his 
mistress and her wishes1 says1 ,i will  
see if ,mrs4 ,brown will see you1 and   
ushers you into the parlor1 it is only  
proper to go in and wait4 ,but it is    
always well to say1 ,if ,mrs4 ,brown is 
going out1 is dressing1 or is otherwise 
engaged1 ask her not to trouble herself 
to come down4 ,mrs4 ,brown will be very 
much obliged to you4 ,in calling on a   
friend who is staying with people with  
whom you are not acquainted1 always     

leave a card for the lady of the house4 
,the lack of this attention is severely 
felt by new people who may entertain a  
fashionable woman as their guest--one   
who receives many calls from those who  
do not know her hostess4 ,it is never   
proper to call on a guest without asking
 for the hostess4  ,again1 if the       
hostess be a very fashionable woman1 and
 the visitor decidedly not so1 it is    
equally vulgar to make one's friend who 
may be a guest in the house a sort of   
entering wedge for an acquaintance2 a   
card should be left1 but unaccompanied  
by any request to see the lady of the   
house4 ,this every lady will at once    
understand4 ,a lady who has a guest     
staying with her who receives really    
calls should always try to place a      
parlor at her disposal where she can see
 her friends alone1 unless she be a very
 young person1 to whom the chaperonage  
of the hostess is indispensable4  ,if   
the lady of the house is in the         
drawing-room when the visitor arrives to

 call on her guest1 she is1 of course1  
introduced and says a few words2 and if 
she is not in the room1 the guest should
 inquire of the visitor if the lady of  
the house will see him or her1 thus     
giving her a chance to accept or        
decline4  ,in calling on the sons or the
 daughters of the house1 every visitor  
should leave a card for the father and  
mother4 ,if ladies are at home1 cards   
should be left for the gentlemen of the 
family4  ,in ,europe a young man is not 
allowed to ask for the young ladies of  
the house in formal parlance1 nor is he 
allowed to leave a card on              
them--socially in ,europe the jeune     
fille has no existence4 ,he calls on the
 mother or chaperon2 the young lady may 
be sent for1 but he must not inquire for
 her first4 ,even if she is a young lady
 at the head of a house1 he is not      
allowed to call upon her without some   
preliminaries2 some amiable female      
friend must manage to bring them        
together4  ,in ,america the other       

extreme has led to a very vicious system
 of etiquette1 by which young ladies are
 recognized as altogether leaders of    
society1 receiving the guests and       
pushing their mothers into the          
background4 ,it would amaze a large     
number of ambitious young ladies to be  
told that it was not proper that young  
men should call on them and be received 
by them alone4 ,but the solution would  
seem to be that the mother or chaperon  
should advance to her proper place in   
this country1 and while taking care of  
her daughter1 appearing with her in     
public1 and receiving visits with her1  
still permit that good-natured and      
well-intended social intercourse between
 young men and women which is so seldom 
abused1 and which has led to so many    
happy marriages4 ,it is one of the      
points yet debatable how much liberty   
should be allowed young ladies4         
,certainly1 however1 we do not wish to  
hold our young girls up to the scorn and
 ridicule of the novelist or the foreign

 critic by ignoring what has been a     
recognized tenet of good manners since  
society was formed4 ,the fact that the  
chaperon is a necessary institution1 and
 that to married ladies and to elderly  
ladies should be paid all due respect1  
is a subject of which we shall treat    
later4 ,no young lady who is visiting in
 a strange city or country town should  
ever receive the visits of gentlemen    
without asking her hostess and her      
daughters to come down and be introduced
 to them2 nor should she ever invite    
such persons to call without asking her 
hostess if it would be agreeable4 ,to   
receive an ordinary acquaintance at any 
hour1 even that of the afternoon        
reception1 without her hostess would be 
very bad manners4 ,we fear the practice 
is too common1 however4 ,how much worse 
to receive a lover1 or a gentleman who  
may aspire to the honor of becoming one1
 at unusual hours1 without saying       
anything to the lady of the house6 ,too 
many young ,american girls are in the   

habit of doing so3 making of their      
friend's house a convenience by which an
 acquaintance with a young man may be   
carried on--a young man too1 perhaps1   
who has been forbidden her own home4  ,a
 bride receives her callers after she   
has settled down in her married home    
just as any lady does4 ,there is no     
particular etiquette observed4 ,she     
sends out cards for two or three        
reception days1 and her friends and new 
acquaintances call or send cards on     
these days4 ,she must not1 however1 call
 on her friends until they have called  
upon her4  ,as many of these            
callers--friends1 perhaps1 of the       
bridegroom--are unknown to the bride1 it
 is well to have a servant announce the 
names2 and they should also leave their 
cards in the hall that she may be able  
to know where to return the visits4     
,what has so far been said will serve to
 give a general idea of the card and its
 uses1 and of the duties which it       
imposes upon different members of       

society4 ,farther on in this volume we  
will take up1 in much more particular   
fashion1 the matters only alluded to in 
this opening chapter4  ,we may say that 
cards have changed less in the history  
of etiquette and fashion than anything  
else4 ,they1 the shifting pasteboards1  
are in style about what they were       
fifty--nay1 a hundred--years ago4  ,the 
plain1 unglazed card with fine engraved 
script cannot be improved upon4 ,the    
passing fashion for engraved autographs1
 for old ,english1 for ,german text1 all
 these fashions have had but a brief    
hour4 ,nothing is in worse taste than   
for an ,american to put a coat-of-arms  
on his card4 ,it only serves to make him
 ridiculous4  ,a lady should send up her
 card by a servant1 but not deliver it  
to the lady of the house2 a card is     
yourself1 therefore if you meet a lady1 
she does not want two of you4 ,if you   
wish to leave your address1 leave a card
 on the hall table4 ,one does right in  
leaving a card on the hall table at a   

reception1 and one need not call again4 
,an invitation to one's house cancels   
all indebtedness4 ,if a card is left on 
a lady's reception1 she should make the 
next call1 although many busy society   
women now never make calls1 except when 
they receive invitations to afternoon   
teas or receptions4  ,when a gentleman  
calls on ladies who are at home1 if he  
knows them well he does not send up a   
card2 the servant announces his name4   
,if he does not know them well1 he does 
send up a card4 ,one card is sufficient1
 but he can inquire for them all4 ,in   
leaving cards it is not necessary to    
leave seven or eight1 but it is         
customary to leave two--one for the lady
 of the house1 the other for the rest of
 the family or the stranger who is      
within their gates4 ,if a gentleman     
wishes particularly to call on any one  
member1 he says so to the servant1 as   
,take my card up to ,miss ,jones1 and he
 adds1 ,i should like to see all the    
ladies if they are at home4 ,the trouble

 in answering this question is that     
authorities differ4 ,we give the latest 
,london and ,new ,york fashion1 so far  
as we know1 and also what we believe to 
be the common-sense view4 ,a gentleman  
can ask first for the lady of the house1
 then for any other member of the       
family1 but he need never leave more    
than two cards4 ,he must in this1 as in 
all etiquette1 exercise common-sense4   
,no one can define all the ten thousand 
little points4  ,,chapter ,,ii4         
,,optional ,,civilities4  ,there are    
many optional civilities in life which  
add very much to its charm if observed1 
but which cannot be called              
indispensable4 ,to those which are      
harmless and graceful we shall give a   
cursory glance1 and to those which are  
doubtful and perhaps harmful we shall   
also briefly allude1 leaving it to the  
common-sense of the reader as to whether
 he will hereafter observe in his own   
manners these so-called optional        
civilities4  ,in ,france1 when a        

gentleman takes off his hat in a windy  
street or in an exposed passage-way1 and
 holds it in his hand while talking to a
 lady1 she always says1 ,couvrez vous   
7,i beg of you not to stand uncovered74 
,a kind-hearted woman says this to a    
boatman1 a coachman1 a man of low       
degree1 who always takes off his hat    
when a lady speaks to him4 ,now in our  
country1 unfortunately1 the cabmen have 
such bad manners that a lady seldom has 
the opportunity of this optional        
civility1 for1 unlike a similar class in
 ,europe1 those who serve you for your  
money in ,america often throw in a good 
deal of incivility with the service1 and
 no book of etiquette is more needed    
than one which should teach shop-girls  
and shop-men the beauty and advantages  
of a respectful manner4 ,if men who     
drive carriages and street cabs would   
learn the most advantageous way of      
making money1 they would learn to touch 
their hats to a lady when she speaks to 
them or gives an order4 ,it is always   

done in the ,old ,world1 and this       
respectful air adds infinitely to the   
pleasures of foreign travel4  ,in all   
foreign hotels the landlords enforce    
such respect on the part of the waiters 
to the guests of the hotel that if two  
complaints are made of incivility1 the  
man or woman complained of is           
immediately dismissed4 ,in a            
livery-stable1 if the hired coachman is 
complained of for an uncivil answer1 or 
even a silence which is construed as    
incivility1 he is immediately           
discharged4 ,on the lake of ,como1 if a 
lady steps down to a wharf to hire a    
boat1 every boatman takes off his cap   
until she has finished speaking1 and    
remains uncovered until she asks him to 
put on his hat4  ,now optional          
civilities1 such as saying to one's     
inferior1 ,do not stand without your    
hat1 to one's equal1 ,do not rise1 ,i   
beg of you1 ,do not come out in the rain
 to put me in my carriage1 naturally    
occur to the kind-hearted1 but they may 

be cultivated4 ,it used to be enumerated
 among the uses of foreign travel that a
 man went away a bear and came home a   
gentleman4 ,it is not natural to the    
,anglo-,saxon race to be overpolite4    
,they have no petits soins4 ,a husband  
in ,france moves out an easy-chair for  
his wife1 and sets a footstool for every
 lady4 ,he hands her the morning paper1 
he brings a shawl if there is danger of 
a draught1 he kisses her hand when he   
comes in1 and he tries to make himself  
agreeable to her in the matter of these 
little optional civilities4 ,it has the 
most charming effect upon all domestic  
life1 and we find a curious allusion to 
the politeness observed by ,french sons 
towards their mothers and fathers in one
 of ,moliere's comedies1 where a        
prodigal son observes to his father1 who
 comes to denounce him1 ,pray1 sir1 take
 a chair1 says ,prodigal2 you could     
scold me so much more at your ease if   
you were seated4  ,if this was a piece  
of optional civility which had in it a  

bit of sarcasm1 we can readily see that 
civility lends great strength to satire1
 and take a hint from it in our         
treatment of rude people4 ,a lady once  
entering a crowded shop1 where the women
 behind the counter were singularly     
inattentive and rude even for ,america1 
remarked to one young woman who was     
lounging on the counter1 and who did not
 show any particular desire to serve    
her1  ,my dear1 you make me a convert to
 the ,saturday-afternoon early-closing  
rule1 and to the plan for providing     
seats for saleswomen1 for ,i see that   
fatigue has impaired your usefulness to 
your employer4  ,the lounger started to 
her feet with flashing eyes4 ,i am as   
strong as you are1 said she1 very       
indignantly4  ,then save yourself a     
report at the desk by showing me some   
lace1 said the lady1 in a soft voice1   
with a smile4  ,she was served after    
this with alacrity4 ,in ,america we are 
all workers2 we have no privileged      
class2 we are earning money in various  

servitudes1 called variously law1       
medicine1 divinity1 literature1 art1    
mercantile business1 or as clerks1      
servants1 seamstresses1 and nurses1 and 
we owe it to our work to do it not only 
honestly but pleasantly4 ,it is         
absolutely necessary to success in the  
last-mentioned profession that a woman  
have a pleasant manner1 and it is a part
 of the instruction of the              
training-school of nurses1 that of      
civility4 ,it is not every one who has a
 fascinating manner4 ,what a great gift 
of fortune it is6 ,but it is in every   
one's power to try and cultivate a civil
 manner4  ,in the matter of keeping a   
hotel--a slang expression which has     
become a proverb--how well the women in 
,europe understand their business1 and  
how poorly the women in ,america        
understand theirs6 ,in ,england and all 
over the ,continent the newly arrived   
stranger is received by a woman neatly  
dressed1 with pleasant1 respectful      
manners1 who is overflowing with        

optional civilities4 ,she conducts the  
lady to her room1 asks if she will have 
the blinds drawn or open1 if she will   
have hot water or cold1 if she would    
like a cup of tea1 etc42 sends a neat   
chambermaid to her to take her orders1  
gets her pen and paper for her notes--in
 fact1 treats her as a lady should treat
 a guest4 ,even in very rural districts 
the landlady comes out to her own door  
to meet the stranger1 holds her neat    
hand to assist her to alight1 and       
performs for her all the service she can
 while she is under her roof4  ,in      
,america a lady may alight in what is   
called a tavern1 weary1 travel-stained1 
and with a headache4 ,she is shown into 
a waiting-room where sits1 perhaps1 an  
overdressed female in a rocking-chair   
violently fanning herself4 ,she learns  
that this is the landlady4 ,she asks if 
she can have a room1 some hot water1    
etc4 ,the answer may be1 ,i don't know2 
,i don't have to work2 perhaps ,jim will
 tell you4 ,and it is to the man of the 

house that the traveller must apply4 ,it
 is a favorable sign that ,american men 
are never ashamed to labor1 although    
they may not overflow with civility4 ,it
 is a very unfavorable sign for the     
women of ,america when they are afraid  
or ashamed of work1 and when they       
hesitate to do that which is nearest    
them with civility and interest4        
,another test of self-respect1 and one  
which is sometimes lacking in those whom
 the world calls fashionable1 those who 
have the possessions which the majority 
of us desire1 fine houses1 fine clothes1
 wealth1 good position1 etc41 is the    
lack or the presence of fine courtesy1  
which shall treat every one so that he  
or she is entirely at ease4  ,society is
 the intercourse of persons on a footing
 of apparent equality1 and if so1 any   
one in it who treats other people so as 
to make them uncomfortable is manifestly
 unfit for society4 ,now an optional    
courtesy should be the unfailing custom 
of such a woman1 we will say1 one who   

has the power of giving pain by a       
slight1 who can wound amour propre in   
the shy1 can make a dbutante stammer and
 blush1 can annoy a shy youth by a      
sneer4 ,how many a girl has had her     
society life ruined by the cruelty of a 
society leader6 how many a young man has
 had his blood frozen by a contemptuous 
smile at his awkwardness6 ,how much of  
the native good-will of an impulsive    
person has been frozen into a caustic   
and sardonic temper by the lack of a    
little optional civility8 ,the servant  
who comes for a place1 and seats herself
 while the lady who speaks to her is    
standing1 is wanting in optional        
civility4 ,she sins from ignorance1 and 
should be kindly told of her offence1   
and taught better manners4 ,the rich    
woman who treats a guest impolitely1 the
 landlady who sits in her rocking-chair 
while the traveller waits for those     
comforts which her house of call        
invites1 all are guilty of the same     
offence4 ,it hurts the landlady and the 

servant more nearly than it does the    
rich woman1 because it renders their    
self-imposed task of getting a living   
the more difficult1 but it is equally   
reprehensible in all three4  ,good      
manners are said to be the result of a  
kind heart and careful home training2   
bad manners1 the result of a coarse     
nature and unwise training4 ,we are     
prone to believe that bad manners in    
,americans are almost purely from want  
of thought4 ,there is no more generous1 
kindly1 or better people in the world   
than the standard ,american1 but he is  
often an untrained creature4 ,the       
thousands of emigrants who land on our  
shores1 with privileges which they never
 thought to have thrust upon them1 how  
can they immediately learn good manners8
 ,in the ,old ,world tradition of power 
is still so fresh that they have to     
learn respect for their employers there4
 ,here there are no such traditions4    
,the first duty1 then1 it would seem1   
both for those to whom fortune has been 

kind and for those who are still        
courting her favors1 would be to study  
optional civility2 not only the         
decencies of life1 but a little more4   
,not only be virtuous1 but have the     
shadows of virtue4 ,be polite1 be       
engaging2 give a cordial bow1 a gracious
 smile2 make sunshine in a shady place4 
,begin at home with your optional       
civility4 ,not only avoid those serious 
breaches of manners which should cause a
 man to kick another man down-stairs1   
but go further than good manners--have  
better manners4 ,let men raise their    
hats to women1 give up seats in cars1   
kiss the hand of an elderly lady if she 
confers the honor of her acquaintance   
upon them1 protect the weak1 assist the 
fallen1 and cultivate civility2 in every
 class of life this would oil the       
wheels2 and especially let ,american    
women seek to mend their manners4       
,optional civility does not in any way  
include familiarity4 ,we doubt whether  
it is not the best of all armor against 

it4 ,familiarity is bad style4 ,it is   
not civility which causes one lady to   
say to another1 ,your bonnet is very    
unbecoming2 let me beg of you to go to  
another milliner4 ,that is familiarity1 
which however much it may be supposed to
 be excess of friendship1 is generally  
either caused by spite or by a          
deficiency of respect ,the latter is    
never pardonable4 ,it is in doubtful    
taste to warn people of their faults1 to
 comment upon their lack of taste1 to   
carry them disagreeable tidings1 under  
the name of friendship4 ,on the         
,continent1 where diffidence is unknown1
 where a man1 whoever he may be1 has a  
right to speak to his fellow-man 7if he 
does it civilly71 where a woman finds   
other women much more polite to her than
 women are to each other in this        
country1 there is no familiarity4 ,it is
 almost an insult to touch the person2  
for instance1 no one places his hand on 
the arm or shoulder of another person   
unless there is the closest intimacy2   

but everywhere there is an optional     
civility freely given between poor and  
poor1 rich and poor1 rich and rich1     
superiors and inferiors1 between equals4
 ,it would be pleasant to follow this   
out in detail1 the results are so       
agreeable and so honorable4  ,,chapter  
,,iii4 ,,good ,,and ,,bad ,,society4    
,many of our correspondents ask us to   
define what is meant by the terms good  
society and bad society4 ,they say that 
they read in the newspapers of the good 
society in ,new ,york and ,washington   
and ,newport1 and that it is a record of
 drunkenness1 flirtation1 bad manners   
and gossip1 backbiting1 divorce1 and    
slander4 ,they read that the fashionable
 people at popular resorts commit all   
sorts of vulgarities1 such as talking   
aloud at the opera1 and disturbing their
 neighbors2 that young men go to a      
dinner1 get drunk1 and break glasses2   
and one ingenuous young girl remarks1   
,we do not call that good society in    
,atlanta4  ,such a letter might have    

been written to that careful chronicler 
of good society in the days of ,charles 
,,ii41 old ,pepys of courtly fame4 ,the 
young maiden of ,hertfordshire1 far from
 the ,court1 might well have thought of 
,rochester and such gay sparks1 and the 
ladies who threw glasses of wine at     
them1 as not altogether well-bred1 nor  
entitled to admission into good society4
 ,we cannot blame her4  ,it is the old  
story4 ,where1 too1 as in our land1     
pleasure and luxury rule a certain set  
who enjoy no tradition of good manners1 
the contradiction in terms is the more  
apparent4 ,even the external forms of   
respect to good manners are wanting4 ,no
 such overt vulgarity1 for instance1 as 
talking aloud at the opera will ever be 
endured in ,london1 because a powerful  
class of really well-born and well-bred 
people will hiss it down1 and insist on 
the quiet which music1 of all other     
things1 demands4 ,that is what we mean  
by a tradition of good manners4  ,in    
humbler society1 we may say as in the   

household of a ,scotch peasant1 such as 
was the father of ,carlyle1 the breaches
 of manners which are often seen in     
fashionable society would never occur4  
,they would appear perfectly impossible 
to a person who had a really good heart 
and a gentle nature4 ,the manners of a  
young man of fashion who keeps his hat  
on when speaking to a lady1 who would   
smoke in her face1 and would appear     
indifferent to her comfort at a         
supper-table1 who would be contradictory
 and neglectful--such manners would have
 been impossible to ,thomas or ,john    
,carlyle1 reared as they were in the    
humblest poverty4 ,it was the ,london   
swell who dared to be rude in their day 
as now4  ,but this impertinence and     
arrogance of fashion should not prevent 
the son of a ,scotch peasant from       
acquiring1 or attempting to acquire1 the
 conventional habits and manners of a   
gentleman4 ,if he have already the grace
 of high culture1 he should seek to add 
to it the knowledge of social laws1     

which will render him an agreeable      
person to be met in society4 ,he must   
learn how to write a graceful note1 and 
to answer his invitations promptly2 he  
must learn the etiquette of dress and of
 leaving cards2 he must learn how to eat
 his dinner gracefully1 and1 even if he 
sees in good society men of external    
polish guilty of a rudeness which would 
have shocked the man who in the ,scotch 
,highlands fed and milked the cows1 he  
still must not forget that society      
demands something which was not found in
 the farm-yard4 ,carlyle1 himself the   
greatest radical and democrat in the    
world1 found that life at               
,craigenputtock would not do all for    
him1 that he must go to ,london and     
,edinburgh to rub off his solitary      
neglect of manners1 and strive to be    
like other people4 ,on the other band1  
the ,queen of ,england has just refused 
to receive the ,duke of ,marlborough    
because he notoriously ill-treated the  
best of wives1 and had been1 in all his 

relations of life1 what they call in    
,england a cad4 ,she has even asked him 
to give back the ,star and ,garter1 the 
insignia once worn by the great duke1   
which has never fallen on shoulders so  
unworthy as those of the late ,marquis  
of ,blandford1 now ,duke of             
,marlborough4 ,for all this the world   
has great reason to thank the ,queen1   
for the present duke has been always in 
good society1 and such is the reverence 
felt for rank and for hereditary name in
 ,england that he might have continued  
in the most fashionable circles for all 
his bad behaviour1 still being courted  
for name and title1 had not the highest 
lady in the land rebuked him4  ,she has 
refused to receive the friends of the   
,prince of ,wales1 particularly some of 
his ,american favorites1 this good      
,queen1 because she esteems good manners
 and a virtuous life as a part of good  
society4  ,now1 those who are not in    
society are apt to mistake all that is  
excessive1 all that is boorish1 all that

 is snobbish1 all that is aggressive1 as
 being a part of that society4 ,in this 
they are wrong4 ,no one estimates the   
grandeur of the ocean by the rubbish    
thrown up on the shore4 ,fashionable    
society1 good society1 the best society1
 is composed of the very best people1   
the most polished and accomplished1     
religious1 moral1 and charitable4  ,the 
higher the civilization1 therefore1 the 
better the society1 it being always     
borne in mind that there will be found1 
here and there1 the objectionable       
outgrowths of a false luxury and of an  
insincere culture4 ,no doubt1 among the 
circles of the highest nobility1 while  
the king and queen may be people of     
simple and unpretending manners1 there  
may be some arrogant and self-sufficient
 master of ceremonies1 some ,malvolio   
whose pomposity is in strange contrast  
to the good-breeding of ,olivia4 ,it is 
the lesser star which twinkles most4    
,the ,school for ,scandal is a lasting  
picture of the folly and frivolity of a 

certain phase of ,london society in the 
past1 and it repeats itself in every    
decade4 ,there is always a ,mrs4        
,candour1 a ,sir ,benjamin ,backbite1   
and a scandalous college at ,newport1 in
 ,new ,york1 ,milwaukee1 ,philadelphia1 
,boston1 ,baltimore1 ,chicago1          
,saratoga1 ,long ,branch1 wherever      
society congregates4 ,it is the         
necessary imperfection1 the seamy side4 
,such is the reverse of the pattern4    
,unfortunately1 the right side is not so
 easily described4 ,the colors of a     
beautiful bit of brocade are1 when seen 
as a whole1 so judiciously blended that 
they can hardly be pronounced upon      
individually3 one only admires the tout 
ensemble1 and that uncritically1        
perhaps4  ,that society is bad whose    
members1 however tenacious they be of   
forms of etiquette and elaborate        
ceremonials1 have one code of manners   
for those whom they deem their equals1  
and another for those whom they esteem  
to be of less importance to them by     

reason of age1 pecuniary condition1 or  
relative social influence4 ,bad manners 
are apt to prove the concomitant of a   
mind and disposition that are none too  
good1 and the fashionable woman who     
slights and wounds people because they  
cannot minister to her ambition1        
challenges a merciless criticism of her 
own moral shortcomings4 ,a young girl   
who is impertinent or careless in her   
demeanor to her mother or her mother's  
friends2 who goes about without a       
chaperon and talks slang2 who is        
careless in her bearing towards young   
men1 permitting them to treat her as if 
she were one of themselves2 who accepts 
the attention of a young man of bad     
character or dissipated habits because  
he happens to be rich2 who is loud in   
dress and rough in manner--such a young 
girl is bad society1 be she the daughter
 of an earl or a butcher4 ,there are    
many such instances of audacity in the  
so-called good society of ,america1 but 
such people do not spoil it2 they simply

 isolate themselves4  ,a young man is   
bad society who is indifferent to those 
older than himself1 who neglects to     
acknowledge invitations1 who sits while 
a lady stands1 who goes to a ball and   
does not speak to his host1 who is      
selfish1 who is notoriously immoral and 
careless of his good name1 and who      
throws discredit on his father and      
mother by showing his ill-breeding4 ,no 
matter how rich1 how externally         
agreeable to those whom he may wish to  
court1 no matter how much varnish of    
outward manner such a man may possess1  
he is bad society4  ,a parvenue who     
assumes to keep other people out of the 
society which she has just conquered1   
whose thoughts are wholly upon social   
success 7which means1 with her1 knowing 
somebody who has heretofore refused to  
know her71 who is climbing1 and throwing
 backward looks of disdain upon those   
who also climb--such a woman1           
unfortunately too common in ,america1   
is1 when she happens to have achieved a 

fashionable position1 one of the worst  
instances of bad society4 ,she may be   
very prominent1 powerful1 and           
influential4 ,she may have money and    
entertain1 and people desirous of being 
amused may court her1 and her bad       
manners will be accepted by the careless
 observer as one of the concomitants of 
fashion4 ,the reverse is true4 ,she is  
an interloper in the circles of good    
society1 and the old fable of the ass in
 the lion's skin fits her precisely4    
,many a duchess in ,england is such an  
interloper2 her supercilious airs betray
 the falsity of her politeness1 but she 
is obliged by the rules of the ,court at
 which she has been educated to behave  
like a lady2 she has to counterfeit     
good-breeding2 she cannot1 she dare not1
 behave as a woman who has suddenly     
become rich may sometimes1 nay does1    
behave in ,american society1 and still  
be received4  ,it will thus be seen1 as 
has been happily expressed1 that fashion
 has many classes1 and many rules of    

probation and admission4 ,a young person
 ignorant of its laws should not be     
deluded1 however1 by false appearances4 
,if a young girl comes from the most    
secluded circles to ,saratoga1 and sees 
some handsome1 well-dressed1 conspicuous
 woman much courted1 lionized1 as it    
were1 and observes in her what seems to 
be insolent pretence1 unkindness1       
frivolity1 and superciliousness1 let her
 inquire and wait before she accepts    
this bit of brass for pure gold4        
,emerson defines sterling fashion as    
funded talent4 ,its objects may be      
frivolous or objectless2 but1 in the    
long-run1 its purposes are neither      
frivolous nor accidental4 ,it is an     
effort for good society2 it is the      
bringing together of admirable men and  
women in a pleasant way4 ,good-breeding1
 personal superiority1 beauty1 genius1  
culture1 are all very good things4      
,every one delights in a person of      
charming manners4 ,some people will     
forgive very great derelictions in a    

person who has charming manners1 but the
 truly good society is the society of   
those who have virtue and good manners  
both4  ,some ,englishman asked an       
,american1 ,what sort of a country is   
,america8 ,it is a country where        
everybody can tread on everybody's toes1
 was the answer4  ,it is very bad       
society where any one wishes to tread on
 his neighbor's toes1 and worse yet     
where there is a disposition to feel    
aggrieved1 or to show that one feels    
aggrieved4 ,there are certain people new
 in society who are always having their 
toes trodden upon4 ,they say3 ,mrs4     
,brown snubbed me2 ,mrs4 ,smith does not
 wish to know me2 ,mrs4 ,thompson ought 
to have invited me4 ,i am as good as any
 of them4 ,this is very bad society4 ,no
 woman with self-respect will ever say  
such things4 ,if one meets with         
rudeness1 take no revenge1 cast no      
aspersions4 ,wit and tact1              
accomplishments and social talents1 may 
have elevated some woman to a higher    

popularity than another1 but no woman   
will gain that height by complaining4   
,command of temper1 delicacy of feeling1
 and elegance of manner--all these are  
demanded of the persons who become      
leaders of society1 and would remain so4
 ,they alone are good society4 ,their   
imitators may masquerade for a time1 and
 tread on toes1 and fling scorn and     
insult about them while in a false and  
insecure supremacy2 but such pretenders 
to the throne are soon unseated4 ,there 
is a dreadful ,sedan and ,strasburg     
awaiting them4 ,they distrust their own 
flatterers2 their appanage is not a     
solid one4  ,people who are looking on  
at society from a distance must remember
 that women of the world are not always 
worldly women4 ,they forget that        
brilliancy in society may be accompanied
 by the best heart and the sternest     
principle4 ,the best people of the world
 are those who know the world best4     
,they recognize the fact that this world
 should be known and served and treated 

with as much respect and sincerity as   
that other world1 which is to be our    
reward for having conquered the one in  
which we live now4  ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,on
 ,,introducing ,,people4  ,a lady in her
 own house can in these ,united ,states 
do pretty much as she pleases1 but there
 is one thing in which our cultivated   
and exclusive city fashionable society  
seems agreed1 and that is1 that she must
 not introduce two ladies who reside in 
the same town4 ,it is an awkward and an 
embarrassing restriction1 particularly  
as the other rule1 which renders it easy
 enough--the ,english rule--that the    
roof is an introduction1 and that       
visitors can converse without further   
notice1 is not understood4 ,so awkward1 
however1 are ,americans about this1 that
 even in very good houses one lady has  
spoken to another1 perhaps to a young   
girl1 and has received no answer1       
because she had not been introduced2 but
 this state of ignorance is1            
fortunately1 not very common4 ,it should

 be met by the surprised rejoinder of   
the ,hoosier school-mistress3 ,don't yer
 know enough to speak when yer spoken   
to8 ,let every woman remember1 whether  
she is from the backwoods1 or from the  
most fashionable city house1 that no    
such casual conversation can hurt her4  
,it does not involve the further        
acquaintance of these two persons4 ,they
 may cease to know each other when they 
go down the front steps2 and it would be
 kinder if they would both relieve the  
lady of the house of their joint        
entertainment by joining in the         
conversation1 or even speaking to each  
other4  ,a hostess in this land is      
sometimes young1 embarrassed1 and not   
fluent4 ,the presence of two ladies with
 whom she is not very well acquainted   
herself1 and both of whom she must      
entertain1 presents a fearful dilemma4  
,it is a kindness to her1 which should  
outweigh the dangers of making an       
acquaintance in another set1 if those   
ladies converse a little with each      

other4  ,if one lady desires to be      
introduced to another1 the hostess      
should ask if she may do so1 of course  
unobtrusively4 ,sometimes this places   
one lady in an unlucky position towards 
another4 ,she does not know exactly what
 to do4 ,mrs4 ,so-and-so may have the   
gift of exclusiveness1 and may desire   
that ,mrs4 ,that-and-that shall not have
 the privilege of bowing to her4        
,gurowski says1 in his very clever book 
on ,america1 that snobbishness is a     
peculiarity of the fashionable set in   
,america1 because they do not know where
 they stand4 ,it is the peculiarity of  
vulgar people everywhere1 whether they  
sit on thrones or keep liquor-shops2    
snobs are born--not made4 ,if1 ever1 a  
lady has this gift or this drawback of  
exclusiveness1 it is wrong to invade her
 privacy by introducing people to her4  
,introducing should not be              
indiscriminately done either at home or 
in society by any lady1 however         
kind-hearted4 ,her own position must be 

maintained1 and that may demand a       
certain loyalty to her own set4 ,she    
must be careful how she lets loose on   
society an undesirable or aggressive    
man1 for instance1 or a great bore1 or a
 vulgar1 irritating woman4 ,these will  
all be social obstacles to the young    
ladies of her family1 whom she must     
first consider4 ,she must not add to the
 embarrassments of a lady who has       
already too large a visiting list4      
,unsolicited introductions are bad for  
both parties4 ,some large-hearted women 
of society are too generous by half in  
this way4 ,a lady should by adroit      
questions find out how a new            
acquaintance would be received1 whether 
or not it is the desire of both parties 
to know each other2 for1 if there is the
 slightest doubt existing on this point1
 she will be blamed by both4 ,it is     
often the good-natured desire of a      
sympathetic person that the people whom 
she knows well should know each other4  
,she therefore strives to bring them    

together at lunch or dinner1 but perhaps
 finds out afterwards that one of the   
ladies has particular objections to     
knowing the other1 and she is not       
thanked4 ,the disaffected lady shows her
 displeasure by being impolite to the   
pushing lady1 as she may consider her4  
,had no introduction taken place1 she   
argues1 she might have ,still enjoyed a 
reputation for politeness4 ,wary women  
of the world are therefore very shy of  
introducing two women to each other4    
,this is the awkward side4 ,the more    
agreeable and1 we may say1 humane side  
has its thousands and thousands of      
supporters1 who believe that a friendly 
introduction hurts no one2 but we are   
now not talking of kindness1 but of     
etiquette1 which is decidedly opposed to
 indiscriminate introductions4  ,society
 is such a complicated organization1 and
 its laws are so lamentably unwritten1  
yet so deeply engraved on certain minds1
 that these things become important to  
those who are always winding and        

unwinding the chains of fashion4  ,it is
 therefore well to state it as a        
received rule that no gentleman should  
ever be introduced to a lady unless her 
permission has been asked1 and she be   
given an opportunity to refuse2 and that
 no woman should be introduced formally 
to another woman unless the introducer  
has consulted the wishes of both women4 
,no delicate-minded person would ever   
intrude herself upon the notice of a    
person to whom she had been casually    
introduced in a friend's drawing-room2  
but all the world1 unfortunately1 is not
 made up of delicate-minded persons4    
,in making an introduction1 the         
gentleman is presented to the lady with 
some such informal speech as this3 ,mrs4
 ,a1 allow me to present ,mr4 ,b2 or1   
,mrs4 ,a1 ,mr4 ,b desires the honor of  
knowing you4 ,in introducing two women1 
present the younger to the older woman1 
the question of rank not holding good in
 our society where the position of the  
husband1 be he judge1 general1 senator1 

or president even1 does not give his    
wife fashionable position4 ,she may be  
of far less importance in the great     
world of society than some ,mrs4 ,smith1
 who1 having nothing else1 is set down  
as of the highest rank in that          
unpublished but well-known book of      
heraldry which is so thoroughly         
understood in ,america as a tradition4  
,it is the proper thing for a gentleman 
to ask a mutual friend or an            
acquaintance to introduce him to a lady1
 and there are few occasions when this  
request is refused4 ,in our crowded     
ballrooms1 chaperons often ask young men
 if they will be introduced to their    
charges4 ,it is better before asking the
 young men of this present luxurious    
age1 if they will not only be           
introduced1 but if they propose to      
dance1 with the young lady1 else that   
young person may be mortified by a snub4
 ,it is painful to record1 as we must1  
that the age of chivalry is past1 and   
that at a gay ball young men appear as  

supremely selfish1 and desire generally 
only introductions to the reigning      
belle1 or to an heiress1 not deigning to
 look at the humble wall-flower1 who is 
neither1 but whose womanhood should     
command respect4 ,ballroom introductions
 are supposed to mean1 on the part of   
the gentleman1 either an intention to   
dance with the young lady1 to walk with 
her1 or to talk to her through one      
dance1 or to show her some attention4   
,men scarcely ever ask to be introduced 
to each other1 but if a lady1 through   
some desire of her own1 wishes to       
present them1 she should never be met by
 indifference on their part4 ,men have a
 right to be exclusive as to their      
acquaintances1 of course2 but at a      
lady's table1 or in her parlor1 they    
should never openly show distaste for   
each other's society before her4  ,in   
,america it is the fashion to shake     
hands1 and most women1 if desirous of   
being cordial1 extend their hands even  
on a first introduction2 but it is1     

perhaps1 more elegant to make a bow     
only1 at a first introduction4  ,in her 
own house a hostess should always extend
 her hand to a person brought to her by 
a mutual friend1 and introduced for the 
first time4 ,at a dinner-party1 a few   
minutes before dinner1 the hostess      
introduces to a lady the gentleman who  
is to take her down to the dining-room1 
but makes no further introductions1     
except in the case of a distinguished   
stranger1 to whom all the company are   
introduced4 ,here people1 as we have    
said1 are shy of speaking1 but they     
should not be1 for the room where they  
meet is a sufficient guarantee that they
 can converse without any loss of       
dignity4  ,at large gatherings in the   
country it is proper for the lady to    
introduce her guests to each other1 and 
it is perfectly proper to do this       
without asking permission of either     
party4 ,a mother always introduces her  
son or daughter1 a husband his wife1 or 
a wife her husband1 without asking      

permission4  ,a gentleman1 after being  
introduced to a lady1 must wait for her 
to bow first before he ventures to claim
 her as an acquaintance4  ,this is      
,anglo-,saxon etiquette4 ,on the        
,continent1 however1 the gentleman bows 
first4 ,there the matter of the raising 
the hat is also important4 ,an ,american
 gentleman takes his hat quite off to a 
lady2 a foreigner raises it but         
slightly1 and bows with a deferential   
air4 ,between ladies but slightly       
acquainted1 and just introduced1 a very 
formal bow is all that is proper2       
acquaintances and friends bow and smile2
 intimate male friends simply nod1 but  
all gentlemen with ladies raise the hat 
and bow if the lady recognizes a friend4
  ,introductions which take place       
out-of-doors1 as on the lawn-tennis     
ground1 in the hunting field1 in the    
street1 or in any casual way1 are not to
 be taken as necessarily formal1 unless 
the lady chooses so to consider them4   
,the same may be said of introductions  

at a watering-place1 where a group of   
ladies walking together may meet other  
ladies or gentlemen1 and join forces for
 a walk or drive4 ,introductions are    
needful1 and should be made by the      
oldest lady of the party1 but are not to
 be considered as making an acquaintance
 necessary between the parties if       
neither should afterwards wish it4 ,it  
is universally conceded now that this   
sort of casual introduction does not    
involve either lady in the net-work of a
 future acquaintance2 nor need a lady   
recognize a gentleman1 if she does not  
choose to do so1 after a watering-place 
introduction4 ,it is always1 however1   
more polite to bow2 that civility hurts 
no one4  ,there are in our new country  
many women who consider themselves      
fashionable leaders--members of an      
exclusive set--and who fear if they     
should know some other women out of that
 set that they would imperil their      
social standing4 ,these people have no  
titles by which they can be known1 so   

they preserve their exclusiveness by    
disagreeable manners1 as one would hedge
 a garden by a border of prickly-pear4  
,the result is that much ill-feeling is 
engendered in society1 and people whom  
these old aristocrats call the nouveaux 
riches1 parvenus1 etc41 are always      
having their feelings hurt4 ,the fact   
remains that the best-bred and most     
truly aristocratic people do not find it
 necessary to hurt any one's feelings4  
,an introduction never harms anybody1   
and a woman with the slightest tact can 
keep off a vulgar and a pushing person  
without being rude4 ,it is to be feared 
that there are vulgar natures among     
those who aspire to be considered       
exclusive1 and that they are gratified  
if they can presumably increase their   
own importance by seeming exclusive2 but
 it is not necessary to dwell on such   
people4  ,the place given here to the   
ill-bred is only conceded to them that  
one may realize the great demands made  
upon the tact and the good feeling of a 

hostess4 ,she must have a quick         
apprehension2 she may and will remember1
 however1 that it is very easily        
forgiven1 this kind-heartedness--that it
 is better to sin against etiquette than
 to do an unkind thing4  ,great pains   
should be taken by a hostess to         
introduce shy people4 ,young people are 
those whose pleasure must depend on     
introductions4  ,it is well for a lady  
in presenting two strangers to say      
something which may break the ice1 and  
make the conversation easy and          
agreeable2 as1 for instance1 ,mrs4      
,smith1 allow me to present ,mr4 ,brown1
 who has just arrived from ,new         
,zealand2 or1 ,mrs4 ,jones1 allow me to 
present ,mrs4 ,walsingham1 of           
,washington--or ,san ,francisco1 so that
 the two may naturally have a question  
and answer ready with which to step over
 the threshold of conversation without  
tripping4  ,at a five-o'clock tea or a  
large reception there are reasons why a 
lady cannot introduce any one but the   

daughter or sister whom she has in      
charge4 ,a lady who comes and knows no  
one sometimes goes away feeling that her
 hostess has been inattentive1 because  
no one has spoken to her4 ,she remembers
 ,europe1 where the roof-tree has been  
an introduction1 and where people spoke 
kindly to her and did not pass her by4  
,dinner-parties in stiff and formal     
,london have this great attraction3 a   
gentleman steps up and speaks to a lady1
 although they have never met before1   
and often takes her down to dinner      
without an introduction4 ,the women chat
 after dinner like old friends2 every   
one knows that the roof is a sufficient 
guarantee4 ,this is as it should be2 but
 great awkwardness results in the       
,united ,states if one lady speaks to   
another and receives no answer4 ,pray1  
can you tell me who the pianist is8 said
 a leader of society to a young girl    
near her at a private concert4 ,the     
young lady looked distressed and        
blushed1 and did not answer4 ,having    

seen a deaf-mute in the room whom she   
knew1 the speaker concluded that this   
young lady belonged to that class of    
persons1 and was very much surprised    
when later the hostess brought up this  
silent personage and introduced her4  ,i
 could not speak to you before because  
,i had not been introduced--but the     
pianist is ,mr4 ,mills1 remarked this   
punctilious person4 ,i1 however1 could  
speak to you1 although we had not been  
formally presented4 ,the roof was a     
sufficient guarantee of your            
respectability1 and ,i thought from your
 not answering that you were deaf and   
dumb1 said the lady4  ,the rebuke was   
deserved4 ,common-sense must interpret  
etiquette2 nice customs courtesy to     
great kings4 ,society depends upon its  
social soothsayers for all that is good 
in it4 ,a disagreeable woman can always 
find precedents for being formal and    
chilling2 a fine-tempered woman can     
always find reasons enough for being    
agreeable4 ,a woman would rather be a   

benediction than a curse1 one would     
think4 ,we hold it proper1 all things   
considered1 that at dinner-parties and  
receptions a hostess may introduce her  
friends to each other4 ,so long as there
 is embarrassment1 or the mistake made  
by the young lady above mentioned who   
would not answer a civil question2 so   
long as these mistakes and others are   
made1 and the result be stupidity and   
gloom1 and a party silent and           
thumb-twisting1 instead of gayly        
conversing1 as it should be2 so long as 
people do not come together easily--it  
is manifestly proper that the hostess   
should put her finger on the social     
pendulum1 and give it a swing to start  
the conversational clock4 ,all well-bred
 people recognize the propriety of      
speaking to even an enemy at a          
dinner-party1 although they would suffer
 no recognition an hour later4 ,the same
 principle holds good1 of course1 if1 in
 the true exercise of her hospitality1  
the hostess should introduce some person

 whom she would like to commend4 ,these 
are the exceptions which form the rule4 
,care should be taken in presenting     
foreigners to young ladies2 sometimes   
titles are dubious4 ,here1 a hostess is 
to be forgiven if she positively        
declines4 ,she may say1 politely1 ,i    
hardly think ,i know you well enough to 
dare to present you to that young lady4 
,you must wait until her parents 7or    
guardians1 or chaperon7 will present    
you4  ,but the numbers of agreeable     
people who are ready and waiting to be  
introduced are many4 ,the woman of      
literary distinction and the possessor  
of an honored name may be invincibly shy
 and afraid to speak2 while her next    
neighbor1 knowing her fame perhaps1 and 
anxious to make her acquaintance1       
misconstrues shyness for pride--a       
masquerade which bashfulness sometimes  
plays2 so two people1 with volumes to   
say to each other1 remain silent as     
fishes1 until the kindly magician comes 
along1 and1 by the open sesame of an    

introduction1 unlocks the treasure which
 has been so deftly hidden4 ,a woman of 
fashion may enter an assembly of        
thinkers and find herself dreaded and   
shunned1 until some kind word creates   
the entente cordiale4 ,in the social    
entertainments of ,new ,york1 the       
majority prefer those where the hostess 
introduces her guests--under1 of course1
 these wise and proper limitations4  ,as
 for forms of introduction1 the simplest
 are best4 ,a lady should introduce her 
husband as ,mr4 ,brown1 ,general ,brown1
 ,judge ,brown4 ,if he has a title she  
is always to give it to him4 ,our simple
 forms of titular respect have been     
condemned abroad1 and we are accused of 
being all colonels and generals2 but a  
wife should still give her husband his  
title4 ,in addressing the ,president we 
say ,mr4 ,president1 but his wife should
 say1 ,allow me to introduce the        
,president to you4 ,the modesty of ,mrs4
 ,grant1 however1 never allowed her to  
call her many-titled husband anything   

but ,mr4 ,grant1 which had1 in her case1
 a sweetness above all etiquette4       
,introductions in the homely ,german    
fatherland are universal1 everybody     
pronouncing to everybody else the name  
of the lady to whom he is talking2 and  
among our ,german fellow-citizens we    
often see a gentleman convoying a lady  
through a crowded assemblage1           
introducing her to everybody4 ,it is a  
simple1 cordial1 and pleasant thing     
enough1 as with them the acquaintance   
stops there2 and a bow and smile hurt   
nobody4  ,no one of heart or mind need  
feel afraid to talk and be agreeable1   
whether introduced or not1 at a friend's
 house2 even if she meets with the      
rebuff of a deaf-and-dumb neighbor1 she 
need not feel heart-broken3 she is      
right1 and her stiff acquaintance is    
wrong4  ,if a gentleman asks to be      
presented to a lady1 she should signify 
her assent in a pleasant way1 and pay   
her hostess1 through whom the request   
comes1 the compliment of at least       

seeming to be gratified at the          
introduction4 ,our ,american ladies are 
sometimes a little lacking in cordiality
 of manner1 often receiving a new       
acquaintance with that part of their    
conformation which is known as the cold 
shoulder4 ,a brusque discourtesy is bad1
 a very effusive courtesy and a too low 
bow are worse1 and an overwhelming and  
patronizing manner is atrocious4 ,the   
proper salutation lies just between the 
two extremes3 the juste milieu is the   
proper thing always4 ,in seeking        
introductions for ourselves1 while we   
need not be shy of making a first visit 
or asking for an introduction1 we must  
still beware of push4 ,there are        
instincts in the humblest understanding 
which will tell us where to draw the    
line4 ,if a person is socially more     
prominent than ourselves1 or more       
distinguished in any way1 we should not 
be violently anxious to take the first  
step2 we should wait until some happy   
chance brought us together1 for we must 

be as firm in our self-respect as our   
neighbor is secure in her exalted       
position4 ,wealth has heretofore had    
very little power to give a person an   
exclusively fashionable position4       
,character1 breeding1 culture1 good     
connections--all must help4 ,an         
aristocrat who is such by virtue of an  
old and honored name which has never    
been tarnished is a power in the newest 
society as in the oldest2 but it is a   
shadowy power1 felt rather than         
described4 ,education is always a power4
  ,to be sure1 there is a tyranny in    
large cities of what is known as the    
fashionable set1 formed of people       
willing to spend money2 who make a sort 
of alliance1 offensive and defensive2   
who can give balls and parties and keep 
certain people out2 who have the place  
which many covet2 who are too much      
feared and dreaded4 ,if those who desire
 an introduction to this set strive for 
it too much1 they will be sure to be    
snubbed2 for this circle lives by       

snubbing4 ,if such an aspirant will wait
 patiently1 either the whole autocratic 
set of ladies will disband--for such    
sets disentangle easily--or else they in
 their turn will come knocking at the   
door and ask to be received4 ,l'art de  
tenir salon is not acquired in an hour4 
,it takes many years for a new and an   
uninstructed set to surmount all the    
little awkwardnesses1 the dubious points
 of etiquette1 that come up in every new
 shuffle of the social cards2 but a     
modest and serene courtesy1 a civility  
which is not servile1 will be a good    
introduction into any society4  ,and it 
is well to have that philosophical      
spirit which puts the best possible     
interpretation upon the conduct of      
others4 ,be not in haste to consider    
yourself neglected4 ,self-respect does  
not easily receive an insult4 ,a lady   
who is fully aware of her own           
respectability1 who has always lived in 
the best society1 is never afraid to bow
 or call first1 or to introduce the     

people whom she may desire should know  
each other4 ,she perhaps presumes on her
 position1 but it is very rare that such
 a person offends2 for tact is almost   
always the concomitant of social        
success4  ,there has been a movement    
lately towards the stately bows and     
courtesies of the past in our recent    
importation of ,old-,world fashions4 ,a 
lady silently courtesies when           
introduced1 a gentleman makes a deep bow
 without speaking4 ,we have had the     
custom of hand-shaking--and a very good 
custom it is--but perhaps the latest    
fashion in ceremonious introduction     
forbids it4 ,if a gentleman carries his 
crush hat1 and a lady her fan and a     
bouquet1 hand-shaking may not be        
perfectly convenient4 ,however1 if a    
lady or gentleman extends a hand1 it    
should be taken cordially4 ,always      
respond to the greeting in the key-note 
of the giver4  ,,chapter ,v4 ,,visiting4
  ,no term admits of a wider            
interpretation than this2 no subject is 

capable of a greater number of          
subdivisions4 ,the matter of formal     
visiting has led to the writing of      
innumerable books4 ,the decay of social 
visiting is a cause of regret to all the
 old-fashioned people who remember how  
agreeable it was2 but our cities have   
grown too large for it1 and in our      
villages the population changes too     
quickly4 ,the constant effort to make   
the two systems shake hands1 to add     
cordiality to formality1 and to provide 
for all the forced conditions of a      
rapidly growing and constantly changing 
society1 these are but a few of the     
difficulties attending this subject4    
,the original plan of an acquaintance in
 a formal city circle was to call once  
or twice a year on all one's friends    
personally1 with the hope and the remote
 expectation of finding two or three at 
home4 ,when society was smaller in ,new 
,york1 this was possible1 but it soon   
grew to be impossible1 as in all large  
cities4 ,this finally led to the        

establishment of a reception day which  
held good all winter4 ,that became      
impossible and tiresome1 and was        
narrowed down to four ,tuesdays1        
perhaps1 in one month2 that resolved    
itself into one or two five-o'clock     
teas2 and then again1 if a lady got lame
 or lazy or luxurious1 even the last    
easy method of receiving her friends    
became too onerous1 and cards were left 
or sent in an envelope4  ,now1 according
 to the strict rules of etiquette1 one  
card a year left at the door1 or one    
sent in an envelope1 continues the      
acquaintance4 ,we can never know what   
sudden pressure of calamity1 what       
stringent need of economy1 what         
exigencies of work1 may prompt a lady to
 give up her visiting for a season4     
,even when there is no apparent cause1  
society must ask no questions1 but must 
acquiesce in the most good-natured view 
of the subject4  ,still1 there must be  
uniformity4 ,we are not pleased to      
receive ,mrs4 ,brown's card by post1 and

 then to meet her making a personal     
visit to our next neighbor4 ,we all wish
 to receive our personal visits1 and if 
a lady cannot call on all her formal    
acquaintances once1 she had better call 
on none4  ,if she gives one reception a 
year and invites all her list1 she is   
then at liberty to refrain from either  
calling or sending a card1 unless she is
 asked to a wedding or dinner1 a ladies'
 lunch or a christening1 or receives    
some very particular invitation which   
she must return by an early personal    
call--the very formal and the           
punctilious say within a week1 but that 
is often impossible4  ,and if a lady    
have a day1 the call should be made on  
that day2 it is rude to ignore the      
intimation4 ,one should try to call on a
 reception day4 ,but here in a crowded  
city another complication comes in4 ,if 
a lady have four ,thursdays in ,january 
and several other ladies have           
,thursdays1 it may be impossible to     
reach all those ladies on their         

reception day4 ,there is nothing for it1
 then1 but to good-naturedly apologize1 
and to regret that calling hours are now
 reduced to between four and six in     
large cities4  ,some people have too    
many acquaintances4 ,if they hope to do 
anything in the world but drive about   
and leave cards1 they must exonerate    
themselves from blame by giving a       
reception1 having a day or an evening   
for receiving1 and then trust to the    
good-nature of society1 or its          
forgetfulness1 which is about the same  
thing1 to excuse them4  ,happy those    
ladies who can give up an evening a week
 to their friends2 that rubs out the    
score on the social slate1 besides      
giving a number of people a chance to   
spend a very agreeable hour in that     
society which gathers around a          
hospitable lamp4  ,the danger of this   
kind of hospitality is that it is abused
 by bores1 who are too apt to congregate
 in numbers1 and to wear out the lady of
 the house by using her parlor as a spot

 where they are safe from the rain and  
cold and free to bestow their           
tediousness on anybody1 herself         
included4 ,then a lady after committing 
herself to a reception evening often    
wishes to go out herself4 ,it requires  
unselfishness to give up an evening to  
that large circle1 some of whom forget  
it1 some go elsewhere1 some come too    
often1 and sometimes1 alas6 no on e     
calls4 ,these are the drawbacks of an   
evening at home4 ,however1 it is a      
laudable custom2 one could wish it were 
more common4  ,no one can forget the    
eloquent thanks of such men as ,horace  
,walpole1 and other persons of          
distinction1 to the ,misses ,berry1 in  
,london1 who kept up their evening      
receptions for sixty years4 ,but1 from  
the trials of those who have too much   
visiting1 we turn to the people who have
 all the means and appliances of        
visiting and no one to visit4  ,the     
young married woman who comes to ,new   
,york1 or any other large city1 often   

passes years of loneliness before she   
has made her acquaintances4 ,she is     
properly introduced1 we will say by her 
mother-in-law or some other friend1 and 
then1 after a round of visits in which  
she has but1 perhaps1 imperfectly       
apprehended the positions and names of  
her new acquaintances1 she has a long   
illness1 or she is called into mourning1
 or the cares of the nursery surround   
her1 and she is shut out from society   
until it has forgotten her2 and when she
 is ready to emerge1 it is difficult for
 her to find her place again in the     
visiting-book4 ,if she is energetic and 
clever1 she surmounts this difficulty by
 giving a series of receptions1 or      
engaging in charities1 or working on    
some committee1 making herself of use to
 society in some way2 and thus picks up 
her dropped stitches4 ,but some young   
women are without the courage and tact  
to do this thing2 they wait1 expecting  
that society will find them out1 and1   
taking them up1 will do all the work and

 leave them to accept or refuse         
civilities as they please4 ,society     
never does this2 it has too much on its 
hands2 a few conspicuously beautiful and
 gifted people may occasionally receive 
such an ovation1 but it is not for the  
rank and file4  ,every young woman      
should try to make at least one personal
 visit to those who are older than      
herself1 and she should show charity    
towards those who do not return this    
visit immediately4 ,of course1 she has a
 right to be piqued if her visit be     
persistently ignored2 and she should not
 press herself upon a cold or           
indifferent acquaintance1 but she should
 be slow to wrath2 and if she is once   
invited to the older lady's house1 it is
 worth a dozen calls so far as the      
intention of civility is concerned4  ,it
 is proper to call in person1 or to     
leave a card1 after an acquaintance has 
lost a relative1 after an engagement is 
announced1 after a marriage has taken   
place1 after a return from ,europe1 and 

of course after an invitation has been  
extended2 but1 as society grows larger  
and larger1 the first four visits may be
 omitted1 and cards sent if it is       
impossible to pay the visits personally4
 ,most ladies in large cities are       
invisible except on their days2 in this 
way alone can they hope to have any time
 for their own individual tastes1 be    
these what they may--china painting1    
authorship1 embroidery1 or music4 ,so   
the formal visiting gets to be a mere   
matter of card-leaving2 and the witty   
author who suggested that there should  
be a clearing-house for cards1 and who  
hailed the ,casino at ,newport as a good
 institution for the same1 was not      
without genius4 ,one hates to lose time 
in this world while greasing the        
machinery1 and the formal1 perfunctory  
card-leaving is little else4  ,could we 
all have abundant leisure and be sure to
 find our friends at home1 what more    
agreeable business than visiting8 ,to   
wander from one pleasant interior to    

another1 to talk a little harmless      
gossip1 to hear the last mot1 the best  
piece of news1 to see one's friends1    
their children1 and the stranger within 
their gates--all this is charming2 it is
 the ,utopia of society2 it would be the
 apotheosis of visiting--if there were  
such a thing6  ,unfortunately1 it is    
impossible4 ,there may be here and there
 a person of such exalted leisure that  
he can keep his accounts to society     
marked in one of those purple satin     
manuals stamped ,visites1 and make the  
proper marks every day under the heads  
of address1 received1 returned visits1  
and reception days1 but he is a rara    
avis4  ,certain rules are1 however1     
immutable4 ,a first call from a new     
acquaintance should be speedily         
returned4 ,these are formal calls1 and  
should be made in person between the    
hours of four and six in ,new ,york and 
other large cities4 ,every town has its 
own hours for receiving1 however4 ,when 
calling for the first time on several   

ladies not mother and daughters in one  
family1 a card should be left on each4  
,in the first call of the season1 a lady
 leaves her own card and those of her   
husband1 sons1 and daughters4  ,a lady  
has a right to leave her card without   
asking for the lady of the house if it  
is not her day1 or if there is any      
reason--such as bad weather1 pressure of
 engagements1 or the like--which renders
 time an important matter4  ,if ladies  
are receiving1 and she is admitted1 the 
visitor should leave her husband's cards
 for the gentlemen of the family on the 
hall table4 ,strangers staying in town  
who wish to be called upon should send  
their cards by post1 with address       
attached1 to those whom they would like 
to see4 ,there is no necessity of       
calling after a tea or general reception
 if one has attended the festivity1 or  
has left or sent a card on that day4    
,for reception days a lady wears a      
plain1 dark1 rich dress1 taking care1   
however1 never to be overdressed at     

home4 ,she rises when her visitors      
enter1 and is careful to seat her       
friends so that she can have a word with
 each4 ,if this is impossible1 she keeps
 her eye on the recent arrivals to be   
sure to speak to every one4 ,she is to  
be forgiven if she pays more attention  
to the aged1 to some distinguished      
stranger1 or to some one who has the    
still higher claim of misfortune1 or to 
one of a modest and shrinking           
temperament1 than to one young1 gay1    
fashionable1 and rich4 ,if she neglects 
these fortunate visitors they will not  
feel it2 if she bows low to them and    
neglects the others1 she betrays that   
she is a snob4 ,if a lady is not sure   
that she is known by name to her        
hostess1 she should not fail to         
pronounce her own name4 ,many ladies    
send their cards to the young brides who
 have come into a friend's family1 and  
yet who are without personal            
acquaintance4 ,many1 alas6 forget faces1
 so that a name quickly pronounced is a 

help4 ,in the event of an exchange of   
calls between two ladies who have never 
met 7and this has gone on for years in  
,new ,york1 sometimes until death has   
removed one forever71 they should take  
an early opportunity of speaking to each
 other at some friend's house2 the      
younger should approach the elder and   
introduce herself2 it is always regarded
 as a kindness2 or the one who has      
received the first attention should be  
the first to speak4  ,it is well always 
to leave a card in the hall even if one 
is received1 as it assists the lady's   
memory in her attempts to return these  
civilities4 ,cards of condolence must be
 returned by a mourning-card sent in an 
envelope at such reasonable time after  
the death of a relative as one can      
determine again to take up the business 
of society4 ,when the separate card of a
 lady is left1 with her reception day   
printed in one corner1 two cards of her 
husband should be left1 one for the     
lady1 the other for the master1 of the  

house2 but after the first call of the  
season1 it is not necessary to leave the
 husband's card1 except after a dinner  
invitation4 ,it is a convenience1       
although not a universal custom1 to have
 the joint names of husband and wife1 as
 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,j4 ,b4 ,watson1 printed
 on one card1 to use as a card of       
condolence or congratulation1 but not as
 a visiting-card4 ,these cards are used 
as ,p4 ,p4 ,c4 cards1 and can be sent in
 an envelope by post4 ,society is       
rapidly getting over its prejudice      
against sending cards by post4 ,in      
,europe it is always done1 and it is    
much safer4 ,etiquette and hospitality  
have been reduced to a system in the    
,old ,world4 ,it would be much more     
convenient could we do that here4       
,ceremonious visiting is the machinery  
by which an acquaintance is kept up in a
 circle too large for social visiting2  
but every lady should try to make one or
 two informal calls each winter on      
intimate friends4 ,these calls can be   

made in the morning in the plainest     
walking-dress1 and are certainly the    
most agreeable and flattering of all    
visits4  ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,invitations1 
,,acceptances1 ,,and ,,regrets4  ,the   
engraving of invitation-cards has become
 the important function of more than one
 enterprising firm in every city1 so    
that it seems unnecessary to say more   
than that the most plain and simple     
style of engraving the necessary words  
is all that is requisite4  ,the ,english
 ambassador at ,rome has a plain1 stiff1
 unglazed card of a large size1 on which
 is engraved1   ,sir ,augustus and ,lady
 ,paget  request the pleasure of        
company  on ,thursday evening1 ,november
 fifteenth1 at ten o'clock4  ,the favor 
of an answer is requested4  ,the lady of
 the house writes the name of the       
invited guest in the blank space left   
before the word company4 ,many          
entertainers in ,america keep these     
blanks1 or half-engraved invitations1   
always on hand1 and thus save themselves

 the trouble of writing the whole card4 
,sometimes1 however1 ladies prefer to   
write their own dinner invitations4 ,the
 formula should always be1   ,mr4 and   
,mrs4 ,henry ,brown  request the        
pleasure of  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jones's    
company at dinner4  ,november fifteenth1
 at seven o'clock1  #acb ,blank ,st4    
,west4  ,these invitations should be    
immediately answered1 and with a        
peremptory acceptance or a regret4      
,never enter into any discussion or     
prevision with a dinner invitation4     
,never write1 saying you will come if   
you do not have to leave town1 or that  
you will try to come1 or1 if you are a  
married pair1 that you will one of you  
come4 ,your hostess wants to know       
exactly who is coming and who isn't1    
that she may arrange her table          
accordingly4 ,simply say1   ,mr4 and    
,mrs4 ,james ,jones  accept with        
pleasure the polite invitation of  ,mr4 
and ,mrs4 ,henry ,brown for dinner  on  
,november fifteenth1  at seven o'clock4 

,or if it is written in the first       
person1 accept in the same informal     
manner1 but quickly and decisively4     
,after having accepted a dinner         
invitation1 if illness or any other     
cause interfere with your going to the  
dinner1 send all immediate note to your 
hostess1 that she may fill your place4  
,never selfishly keep the place open for
 yourself if there is a doubt about your
 going4 ,it has often made or marred the
 pleasure of a dinner-party1 this       
hesitancy on the part of a guest to send
 in time to her hostess her regrets1    
caused by the illness of her child1 or  
the coming on of a cold1 or a death in  
the family1 or any other calamity4      
,remember always that a dinner is a most
 formal affair1 that it is the highest  
social compliment1 that its happy       
fulfilment is of the greatest importance
 to the hostess1 and that it must be met
 in the same formal spirit4 ,it         
precludes1 on her part1 the necessity of
 having to make a first call if she be  

the older resident1 although she        
generally calls first4 ,some young      
neophytes in society1 having been asked 
to a dinner where the elderly lady who  
gave it had forgotten to enclose her    
card1 asked if they should call         
afterwards4 ,of course they were bound  
to do so1 although their hostess should 
have called or enclosed her card4       
,however1 one invitation to dinner is   
better than many cards as a social      
compliment4  ,we have been asked by     
many1 ,to whom should the answer to an  
invitation be addressed8 ,if ,mr4 and   
,mrs4 ,brown invite you1 answer ,mr4 and
 ,mrs4 ,brown4 ,if ,mrs4 ,john ,jones   
asks you to a wedding1 answer ,mrs4     
,john ,jones4 ,another of our           
correspondents asks1 ,shall ,i respond  
to the lady of the house or to the bride
 if asked to a wedding8 ,this seems so  
impossible a confusion that we should   
not think of mentioning so self-evident 
a fact had not the doubt arisen4 ,one   
has nothing to say to the bride in      

answering such an invitation2 the answer
 is to be sent to the hostess1 who      
writes4  ,always carefully observe the  
formula of your invitation1 and answer  
it exactly4 ,as to the card of the      
,english ambassador1 a gentleman should 
write3 ,mr4 ,algernon ,gracie will do   
himself the honor to accept the         
invitation of ,sir ,augustus and ,lady  
,paget4 ,in ,america he would be a      
trifle less formal1 saying1 ,mr4        
,algernon ,gracie will have much        
pleasure in accepting the polite        
invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,henry     
,brown4 ,we notice that on all ,english 
cards the ,r4,s4,v4,p4 is omitted1 and  
that a plain line of ,english script is 
engraved1 saying1 ,the favor of an      
answer is requested4  ,in this country  
the invitations to a dinner are always  
in the name of both host and hostess1   
but invitations to a ball1 at home1 a   
tea1 or garden-party1 are in the name of
 the hostess alone4 ,at a wedding the   
names of both host and hostess are      

given4 ,and if a father entertains for  
his daughters1 he being a widower1 his  
name appears alone for her wedding2 but 
if his eldest daughter presides over his
 household1 his and her name appear     
together for dinners1 receptions1 and at
 homes4 ,many widowed fathers1 however1 
omit the names of their daughters on the
 invitation4 ,a young lady at the head  
of her father's house may1 if she is no 
longer very young1 issue her own cards  
for a tea4 ,it is never proper for very 
young ladies to invite gentlemen in     
their own name to visit at the house1   
call on them1 or to come to dinner4 ,the
 invitation must come from the father1  
mother1 or chaperon4  ,at the ,assembly1
 ,patriarchs'1 ,charity ball1 or any    
public affair1 the word ball is used1   
but no lady invites you to a ball at her
 own house4 ,the words ,at ,home1 with  
,cotillion or ,dancing in one corner1   
and the hour and date1 alone are        
necessary4 ,if it is to be a small1     
informal dance1 the word ,informal      

should be engraved in one corner4       
,officers of the army and navy giving a 
ball1 members of the hunt1 bachelors1   
members of a club1 heads of committees1 
always request the pleasure1 or1 the    
honor of your company4 ,it is not proper
 for a gentleman to describe himself as 
at home2 he must request the pleasure4  
,a rich bachelor of ,utopia who gave    
many entertainments made this mistake1  
and sent a card--,mr4 ,horatio ,brown4  
,at ,home4 ,tuesday1 ,november          
fourteenth4 ,tea at four--to a lady who 
had been an ambassadress4 ,she          
immediately replied3 ,mrs4 ,rousby is   
very glad to hear that ,mr4 ,horatio    
,brown is at home--she hopes that he    
will stay there2 but of what possible   
consequence is that to ,mrs4 ,rousby8   
,this was a piece of rough wit1 but it  
told the young man of his mistake4      
,another card1 issued with the singular 
formula1 ,mrs4 ,ferguson hopes to see   
,mrs4 ,rousby at the church1 on the     
occasion of the wedding of a daughter1  

brought forth the rebuke1 ,nothing is so
 deceitful as human hope1 ,the phrase is
 an improper one4 ,mrs4 ,ferguson should
 have requested the pleasure4  ,in      
asking for an invitation to a ball for  
friends1 ladies must be cautious not to 
intrude too far1 or to feel offended if 
refused4 ,often a hostess has a larger  
list than she can fill1 and she is not  
able to ask all whom she would wish to  
invite4 ,therefore a very great         
discretion is to be observed on the part
 of those who ask a favor4 ,a lady may  
always request an invitation for        
distinguished strangers1 or for a young 
dancing man if she can answer for him in
 every way1 but rarely for a married    
couple1 and almost never for a couple   
living in the same city1 unless newly   
arrived4  ,invitations to evening or day
 receptions are generally at home cards4
 ,a lady may use her own visiting cards 
for five-o'clock tea4 ,for other        
entertainments1 ,music1 ,lawn-tennis1   
,garden-party1 ,readings and ,recitals1 

may be engraved in one corner1 or       
written in by the lady herself4  ,as for
 wedding invitations1 they are almost   
invariably sent out by the parents of   
the bride1 engraved in small script on  
note-paper4 ,the style can always be    
obtained of a fashionable engraver4     
,they should be sent out a fortnight    
before the wedding-day1 and are not to  
be answered unless the guests are       
requested to attend a sit-down          
breakfast1 when the answer must be as   
explicit as to a dinner4 ,those who     
cannot attend the wedding send or leave 
their visiting-cards either on the day  
of the wedding or soon after4           
,invitations to a luncheon are generally
 written by the hostess on note-paper1  
and should be rather informal1 as       
luncheon is an informal meal4 ,however1 
nowadays ladies' luncheons have become  
such grand1 consequential1 and expensive
 affairs1 that invitations are engraved 
and sent out a fortnight in advance1 and
 answered immediately4 ,there is the    

same etiquette as at dinner observed at 
these formal luncheons4 ,there is such a
 thing1 however1 as a stand-up          
luncheon--a sort of reception with      
banquet1 from which one could absent    
one's self without being missed4        
,punctuality in keeping all engagements 
is a feature of a well-bred character1  
in society as well as in business1 and  
it cannot be too thoroughly insisted    
upon4  ,in sending a regret be          
particular to word your note most       
respectfully4 ,never write the word     
regrets on your card unless you wish to 
insult your hostess4 ,send a card       
without any pencilling upon it1 or write
 a note1 thus3 ,mrs4 ,brown regrets that
 a previous engagement will deprive her 
of the pleasure of accepting the polite 
invitation of ,mrs4 ,jones4  ,no one    
should1 in the matter of accepting or   
refusing an invitation1 economize his   
politeness4 ,it is better to err on the 
other side4 ,your friend has done his   
best in inviting you4  ,the question is 

often asked us1 ,should invitations be  
sent to people in mourning8 ,of course  
they should4 ,no one would knowingly    
intrude on a house in which there is or 
has been death within a month2 but after
 that1 although it is an idle           
compliment1 it is one which must be     
paid2 it is a part of the machinery of  
society4 ,as invitations are now        
directed by the hundreds by hired       
amanuenses1 a lady should carefully     
revise her list1 in order that no names 
of persons deceased may be written on   
her cards2 but the members of the family
 who remain1 and who have suffered a    
loss1 should be carefully remembered1   
and should not be pained by seeing the  
name of one who has departed included in
 the invitations or wedding-cards4      
,people in deep mourning are not invited
 to dinners or luncheons1 but for       
weddings and large entertainments cards 
are sent as a token of remembrance and  
compliment4 ,after a year of mourning   
the bereaved family should send out     

cards with a narrow black edge to all   
who have remembered them4  ,let it be   
understood that in all countries a card 
sent by a private hand in an envelope is
 equivalent to a visit4 ,in ,england one
 sent by post is equivalent to a visit1 
excepting after a dinner4 ,nothing is   
pencilled on a card sent by post1 except
 the three letters ,p4,p4,c4 ,no such   
words as accepts1 declines1 regrets     
should be written on a card4 ,as much   
ill-will is engendered in ,new ,york by 
the loss of cards for large receptions  
and the like1 some of which the         
messenger-boys fling into the gutter1 it
 is a thousand pities that we cannot    
agree to send all invitations by mail4  
,people always get letters that are sent
 by post1 particularly those which they 
could do without4 ,why should they not  
get their more interesting letters that 
contain invitations8 ,it is considered  
thoroughly respectful in ,england1 and  
as our people are fond of copying that  
stately etiquette1 why should they not  

follow this sensible part of it8  ,it is
 in every sense as complimentary to send
 a letter by the post as by the dirty   
fingers of a hired messenger4 ,very few 
people in this country can afford to    
send by their own servants1 who1 again1 
rarely find the right address4          
,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,cards ,,of           
,,compliment1 ,,courtesy1 ,,condolence1 
,,and ,,congratulation4  ,a             
distinguished lady of ,new ,york1 on    
recovering from a severe illness1 issued
 a card which is a new departure4 ,in   
admiring its fitness and the need which 
has existed for just such a card1 we    
wonder that none of us have before      
invented something so compact and       
stately1 pleasing and proper--that her  
thought had not been our thought4 ,it   
reads thus1 engraved in elegant script1 
plain and modest3 ,mrs4  presents her   
compliments and thanks for recent kind  
inquiries4 ,this card1 sent in an       
envelope which bears the family crest as
 a seal1 reached all those who had left 

cards and inquiries for a useful and    
eminent member of society1 who lay for  
weeks trembling between life and death4 
,this card is an attention to her large 
circle of anxious friends which only a  
kind-hearted woman would have thought   
of1 and yet the thought was all2 for    
after that the engraver and the         
secretary could do the rest1 showing    
what a labor-saving invention it is to a
 busy woman who is not yet sufficiently 
strong to write notes to all who had    
felt for her severe suffering4 ,the     
first joy of convalescence is of        
gratitude1 and the second that we have  
created an interest and compassion among
 our friends1 and that we were not alone
 as we struggled with disease4          
,therefore we may well recommend that   
this card should become a fashion4 ,it  
meets a universal want4  ,this may be   
called one of the cards of compliment--a
 phase of card-leaving to which we have 
hardly reached in this country4 ,it is  
even more1 it is a heartfelt and        

friendly blossom of etiquette1 just out1
 as we say of the apple-blossoms4  ,now 
as to the use of it by the afflicted3   
why would it not be well for persons who
 have lost a friend also to have such a 
card engraved8 ,mr4 ,r begs to express  
his thanks for your kind sympathy in his
 recent bereavement1 etc4 ,it would save
 a world of letter-writing to a person  
who does not care to write letters1 and 
it would be a very pleasant token to    
receive when all other such tokens are  
impossible4 ,for people leave their     
cards on a mourner1 and never know      
whether they have been received or not4 
,particularly is this true of           
apartment-houses2 and when people live  
in hotels1 who knows whether the card   
ever reaches its destination8 ,we       
generally find that it has not done so1 
if we have the courage to make the      
inquiry4  ,those cards which we send by 
a servant to make the necessary         
inquiries for a sick friend1 for the    
happy mother and the new-born baby1 are 

essentially cards of compliment4 ,in    
excessively ceremonious circles the     
visits of ceremony on these occasions   
are very elaborate--as at the ,court of 
,spain1 for instance2 and a lady of ,new
 ,york was once much amused at receiving
 the card of a superb ,spanish official1
 who called on her newly arrived        
daughter when the latter was three days 
old1 leaving a card for the new         
daughter4 ,he of course left a card for 
the happy mamma1 and did not ask to go  
farther than the door1 but he came in   
state4  ,in ,england the family were    
wont to send christening cards after a  
birth1 but this has never been the      
fashion in this country1 and it is      
disappearing in ,england4 ,the          
complimentary card issued for such      
events is now generally an invitation to
 partake of caudle--a very delicious    
porridge made of oatmeal and raisins1   
brandy1 spices1 and sugar1 and formally 
served in the lady's chamber before the 
month's seclusion is broken4 ,it will be

 remembered that ,tom ,thumb was dropped
 into a bowl of fermity1 which many     
antiquarians suppose to have been       
caudle4 ,nowadays a caudle party is a   
very gay1 dressy affair1 and given about
 six weeks after young master or        
mistress is ready to be congratulated or
 condoled with on his or her entrance   
upon this mundane sphere4 ,we find in   
,english books of etiquette very formal 
directions as to these cards of         
compliment4 ,cards to inquire after     
friends during illness must be left in  
person1 and not sent by post4 ,on a     
lady's visiting-card must be written    
above the printed name1 ',to inquire1'  
and nothing else should be added to     
these words4  ,for the purpose of       
returning thanks1 printed cards are     
sold1 with the owner's name written     
above the printed words4 ,these printed 
cards are generally sent by post1 as    
they are despatched while the person    
inquired after is still an invalid4     
,these cards are also used to convey the

 intelligence of the sender's recovery4 
,therefore they would not be sent while 
the person was in danger or seriously   
ill4 ,but this has always seemed to us a
 very poor and4 business-like way of    
returning kind inquiries4 ,the printed  
card looks cheap4 ,far better the       
engraved and carefully prepared card of 
,mrs4 1 which has the effect of a       
personal compliment4  ,we do not in this
 country send those hideous funeral or  
memorial cards which are sold in        
,england at every stationer's to apprise
 one's friends of a death in the family4
 ,there is no need of this1 as the      
newspapers spread the sad intelligence4 
,there is1 however1 a very elaborate    
paper called a faire part1 issued in    
both ,england and ,france after a death1
 in which the mourner announces to you  
the lamented decease of some person     
connected with him4 ,also on the        
occasion of a marriage1 these elaborate 
papers1 engraved on a large sheet of    
letter-paper1 are sent to all one's     

acquaintances in ,england and on the    
,continent4  ,visits of condolence can  
begin the week after the event which    
occasions them4 ,personal visits are    
only made by relatives or very intimate 
friends1 who will of course be their own
 judges of the propriety of speaking    
fully of the grief which has desolated  
the house4 ,the cards are left at the   
door by the person inquiring for the    
afflicted persons1 and one card is as   
good as half a dozen4 ,it is not        
necessary to deluge a mourning family   
with cards4 ,these cards need not be    
returned for a year1 unless our         
suggestion be followed1 and the card    
engraved as we have indicated1 and then 
sent by post4 ,it is not yet a fashion1 
but it is in the air1 and deserves to be
 one4  ,cards of congratulation are left
 in person1 and if the ladies are at    
home the visitor should go in1 and be   
hearty in his or her good wishes4 ,for  
such visits a card sent by post would1  
among intimate friends1 be considered   

cold-blooded4 ,it must at least be left 
in person4  ,now as to cards of         
ceremony4 ,these are to be forwarded to 
those who have sent invitations to      
weddings1 carefully addressed to the    
person who invites you2 also after an   
entertainment to which you have been    
asked1 within a week after a dinner     
7this must be a personal visit71 and on 
the lady's day1 if she has one2 and we  
may add here that if on making a call a 
lady sees that she is not recognized1   
she should hasten to give her name4     
7,this in answer to many inquiries47    
,only calls of pure ceremony are made by
 handing in cards1 as at a tea or       
general reception1 etc4 ,when cards have
 been left once in the season they need 
not be left again4  ,under the mixed    
heads of courtesy and compliment should 
be those calls made to formally announce
 a betrothal4 ,the parents leave the    
cards of the betrothed pair1 with their 
own1 on all the connections and friends 
of the two families4 ,this is a formal  

announcement1 and all who receive this  
intimation should make a congratulatory 
visit if possible4  ,as young people are
 often asked without their parents1 the 
question arises1 ,what should the       
parents do to show their sense of this  
attention8 ,they should leave or send   
their cards with those of their children
 who have received the invitation4      
,these are cards of courtesy4 ,cards    
ought not to be left on the daughters of
 a family without also including the    
parents in courteous formality4         
,gentlemen1 when calling on any number  
of ladies1 send in only one card1 and   
cards left on a reception day where a   
person is visiting are not binding on   
the visitor to return4 ,no separate card
 is left on a guest on reception days4  
,when returning visits of ceremony1 as  
the first visit after a letter of       
introduction1 or as announcing your     
arrival in town or your intended        
departure1 one may leave a card at the  
door without inquiring for the lady4    

,attention to these little things is a  
proof at once of self-respect and of    
respect for one's friends4 ,they soon   
become easy matters of habit1 and of    
memory4 ,to the well-bred they are      
second nature4 ,no one who is desirous  
of pleasing in society should neglect   
them4  ,a lady should never call on a   
gentleman unless professionally or      
officially4 ,she should knock at his    
door1 send in her card1 and be as       
ceremonious as possible1 if lawyer1     
doctor1 or clergyman4 ,on entering a    
crowded drawing-room it may be          
impossible to find the hostess at once1 
so that in many fine houses in ,new     
,york the custom of announcing the name 
has become a necessary fashion4 ,it is  
impossible to attempt to be polite      
without cultivating a good memory4 ,the 
absent or self-absorbed person who      
forgets names and faces1 who recalls    
unlucky topics1 confuses relationships1 
speaks of the dead as if they were      
living1 or talks about an unlucky       

adventure in the family1 who plunges    
into personalities1 who metaphorically  
treads on a person's toes1 will never   
succeed in society4 ,he must consider   
his cards of courtesy4  ,the ,french    
talk of la politesse du foyer4 ,they are
 full of it4 ,small sacrifices1 little  
courtesies1 a kindly spirit1            
insignificant attentions1 self-control1 
an allowance for the failings of        
others--these go to make up the elegance
 of life4 ,true politeness has its roots
 very deep4 ,we should not cultivate    
politeness merely from a wish to please1
 but because we would consider the      
feelings and spare the time of others4  
,cards of compliment and courtesy1      
therefore1 save time as well as express 
a kindly remembrance4 ,everything in our
 busy world--or whirl1 as some people   
call it--that does these two things is a
 valuable discovery4  ,a card of        
courtesy is always sent with flowers1   
books1 bonbonnieres1 game1 sweetmeats1  
fruits--any of the small gifts which are

 freely offered among intimate friends4 
,but in acknowledging these gifts or    
attentions a card is not a sufficient   
return4 ,nor is it proper to write      
regrets or accepts on a card4 ,a note   
should be written in either case4  ,a   
card of any sort must be scrupulously   
plain4 ,wedding cards should be as      
simple and unostentatious as possible4  
,the ceremony of paying visits and of   
leaving cards has been decided by the   
satirist as meaningless1 stupid1 and    
useless2 but it underlies the very      
structure of society4 ,visits of form1  
visits of ceremony1 are absolutely      
necessary4 ,you can hardly invite people
 to your house until you have called and
 have left a card4 ,and thus one has a  
safeguard against intrusive and         
undesirable acquaintances4 ,to stop an  
acquaintance1 one has but to stop       
leaving cards4 ,it is thus done quietly 
but securely4  ,gentlemen who have no   
time to call should be represented by   
their cards4 ,these may well be trusted 

to the hands of wife1 mother1 daughter1 
sister1 but should be punctiliously     
left4  ,the card may well be noted as   
belonging only to a high order of       
development4 ,no monkey1 no missing     
link1 no ,zulu1 no savage1 carries a    
card4 ,it is the tool of civilization1  
its field-mark and device4 ,it may be   
improved2 it may be1 and has been1      
abused2 but it cannot be dispensed with 
under our present environment4          
,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,the ,,etiquette ,,of
 ,,weddings4  ,scarcely a week passes   
during the year that the fashionable    
journals do not publish answers to      
correspondents on that subject of all   
others most interesting to young ladies1
 the etiquette of weddings4 ,no book can
 tell the plain truth with sufficient   
emphasis1 that the etiquette at a grand 
wedding is always the same4 ,the next   
day some one writes to a newspaper      
again1  ,shall the bridegroom wear a    
dress-coat at the hour of eleven ,a4,m41
 and who pays for the wedding-cards8    

,the wedding of to-day in ,england has  
set the fashion for ,america4 ,no man   
ever puts on a dress-coat before his    
seven-o'clock dinner1 therefore every   
bridegroom is dressed in a frock-coat   
and light trousers of any pattern he    
pleases2 in other words1 he wears a     
formal morning dress1 drives to the     
church with his best man1 and awaits the
 arrival of the bride in the            
vestry-room4 ,he may wear gloves or not 
as he chooses4 ,the best man is the     
intimate friend1 sometimes the brother1 
of the groom4 ,he accompanies him to the
 church1 as we have said1 follows him to
 the altar1 stands at his right hand a  
little behind him1 and holds his hat    
during the marriage-service4 ,after that
 is ended he pays the clergyman's fee1  
accompanies1 in a coup by himself1 the  
bridal party home1 and then assists the 
ushers to introduce friends to the      
bridal pair4  ,the bridegroom is allowed
 to make what presents he pleases to the
 bride1 and to send something in the    

nature of a fan1 a locket1 a ring1 or a 
bouquet to the bridesmaids2 he has also 
to buy the wedding-ring1 and1 of course1
 he sends a bouquet to the bride2 but he
 is not to furnish cards or carriages or
 the wedding-breakfast2 this is all done
 by the bride's family4 ,in ,england the
 groom is expected to drive the bride   
away in his own carriage1 but in        
,america even that is not often allowed4
  ,the bride meantime is dressed in     
gorgeous array1 generally in white      
satin1 with veil of point-lace and      
orange blossoms1 and is driven to the   
church in a carriage with her father1   
who gives her away4 ,her mother and     
other relatives having preceded her take
 the front seats4 ,her bridesmaids      
should also precede her1 and await her  
in the chancel of the church4  ,the     
ushers then proceed to form the         
procession with which almost all city   
weddings are begun4 ,the ushers first1  
two and two2 then the bridesmaids1 two  
and two2 then some pretty               

children--bridesmaids under ten2 and    
then the bride1 leaning on her father's 
right arm4 ,sometimes the child         
bridesmaids precede the others4 ,as the 
cortege reaches the lowest altar-step   
the ushers break ranks and go to the    
right and left2 the bridesmaids also    
separate1 going to the right and left1  
leaving a space for the bridal pair4 ,as
 the bride reaches the lowest step the  
bridegroom advances1 takes her by her   
right hand1 and conducts her to the     
altar1 where they both kneel4 ,the      
clergyman1 being already in his place1  
signifies to them when to rise1 and then
 proceeds to make the twain one4  ,the  
bridal pair walk down the aisle         
arm-in-arm1 and are immediately         
conducted to the carriage and driven    
home2 the rest follow4 ,in some cases1  
but rarely in this country1 a bridal    
register is signed in the vestry4       
,formerly brides removed the whole      
glove2 now they adroitly cut the finger 
of the left-hand glove1 so that they can

 remove that without pulling off the    
whole glove for the ring4 ,such is a    
church wedding1 performed a thousand    
times alike4 ,the organ peals forth the 
wedding-march1 the clergyman pronounces 
the necessary vows to slow music1 or    
not1 as the contracting parties please4 
,music1 however1 adds very much to this 
ceremony4 ,in a marriage at home1 the   
bridesmaids and best man are usually    
dispensed with4 ,the clergyman enters   
and faces the company1 the bridal pair  
follow and face him4 ,after the ceremony
 the clergyman retires1 and the wedded  
pair receive congratulations4  ,an      
attempt has been made in ,america to    
introduce the ,english fashion of a     
wedding-breakfast4 ,it is not as yet    
acclimated1 but it is1 perhaps1 well to 
describe here the proper etiquette4 ,the
 gentlemen and ladies who are asked to  
this breakfast should be apprised of    
that honor a fortnight in advance1 and  
should accept or decline immediately1 as
 it has all the formality of a dinner1  

and seats are1 of course1 very          
important4 ,on arriving at the house    
where the breakfast is to be held1 the  
gentlemen leave their hats in the hall1 
but ladies do not remove their bonnets4 
,after greeting the bride and           
bridegroom1 and the father and mother1  
the company converse for a few moments  
until breakfast is announced4 ,then the 
bride and groom go first1 followed by   
the bride's father with the groom's     
mother1 then the groom's father with the
 bride's mother1 then the best man with 
the first bridesmaid1 then the          
bridesmaids with attendant gentlemen1   
who have been invited for this honor1   
and then the other invited guests1 as   
the bride's mother has arranged4 ,coffee
 and tea are not offered1 but bouillon1 
salads1 birds1 oysters1 and other hot   
and cold dishes1 ices1 jellies1 etc41   
are served at this breakfast1 together  
with champagne and other wines1 and     
finally the wedding-cake is set before  
the bride1 and she cuts a slice4  ,the  

health of the bride and groom is then   
proposed by the gentleman chosen for    
this office1 generally the father of the
 groom1 and responded to by the father  
of the bride4 ,the groom is sometimes   
expected to respond1 and he proposes the
 health of the bridesmaids1 for which   
the best man returns thanks4 ,unless all
 are unusually happy speakers1 this is  
apt to be awkward1 and stand-up         
breakfasts are far more commonly served1
 as the ,french say1 en buffet4 ,in the 
first place1 the possibility of asking  
more people commends this latter        
practice1 and it is far less trouble to 
serve a large1 easy collation to a      
number of people standing about than to 
furnish what is really a dinner to a    
number sitting down4  ,wedding presents 
are sent any time within two months     
before the wedding1 the earlier the     
better1 as many brides like to arrange  
their own tables artistically1 if the   
presents are shown4 ,also1 all brides   
should write a personal note thanking   

each giver for his gift1 be it large or 
small4  ,all persons who send gifts     
should be invited to the wedding and to 
the reception1 although the converse of 
this proposition does not hold true2 for
 not all who are asked to the wedding   
are expected to send gifts4  ,wedding   
presents have now become almost absurdly
 gorgeous4 ,the old fashion1 which was  
started among the frugal ,dutch1 of     
giving the young couple their household 
gear and a sum of money with which to   
begin1 has now degenerated into a very  
bold display of wealth and ostentatious 
generosity1 so that friends of moderate 
means are afraid to send anything4 ,even
 the cushion on which a wealthy bride in
 ,new ,york was lately expected to kneel
 was so elaborately embroidered with    
pearls that she visibly hesitated to    
press it with her knee at the altar4    
,silver and gold services1 too precious 
to be trusted to ordinary lock and key1 
are displayed at the wedding and        
immediately sent off to some convenient 

safe4 ,this is one of the necessary and 
inevitable overgrowths of a luxury which
 we have not yet learned to manage4 ,in 
,france they do things better1 those    
nearest of kin subscribing a sum of     
money1 which is sent to the bride's     
mother1 who expends it in the bridal    
trousseau1 or in jewels or silver1 as   
the bride pleases4  ,so far has this    
custom transcended good taste that now  
many persons of refined minds hesitate  
to show the presents4  ,after giving an 
hour and a half to her guests1 the bride
 retires to change her dress2 generally 
her most intimate friends accompany her4
 ,she soon returns in her               
travelling-dress1 and is met at the foot
 of the stairs by the groom1 who has    
also changed his dress4 ,the father1    
mother1 and intimate friends kiss the   
bride1 and1 as the happy pair drive off1
 a shower of satin slippers and rice    
follows them4 ,if one slipper alights on
 the top of the carriage1 luck is       
assured to them forever4  ,wedding-cake 

is no longer sent about4 ,it is neatly  
packed in boxes2 each guest takes one1  
if she likes1 as she leaves the house4  
,wedding-favors made of white ribbon and
 artificial flowers are indispensable in
 ,england1 but ,america has had the good
 taste to abjure them until lately4     
,such ornaments are used for the horses'
 ears and the servants' coats in this   
country4 ,here the groom wears a        
boutonniere of natural flowers4  ,a     
widow should never be accompanied by    
bridesmaids1 or wear a veil or          
orange-blossoms at her marriage4 ,she   
should at church wear a colored silk and
 a bonnet4 ,she should be attended by   
her father1 brother1 or some near       
friend4  ,it is proper for her to remove
 her first wedding-ring1 as the wearing 
of that cannot but be painful to the    
bridegroom4  ,if married at home1 the   
widow bride may wear a light silk and be
 bonnetless1 but she should not indulge 
in any of the signs of first bridal4    
,it is an exploded idea that of allowing

 every one to kiss the bride4 ,it is    
only meet that the near relatives do    
that4  ,the formula for wedding-cards is
 generally this3   ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,brown
  request the pleasure of your company  
at the wedding of their daughter ,maria 
to ,john ,stanley1  at ,ascension       
,church1  on ,tuesday1 ,november        
fifteenth1  at two o'clock4  ,these     
invitations are engraved on note-paper4 
,if friends are invited to a            
wedding-breakfast or a reception at the 
house1 that fact is stated on a separate
 card1 which is enclosed in the same    
envelope4  ,of course in great cities1  
with a large acquaintance1 many are     
asked to the church and not to the      
house4 ,this fact should never give     
offence4  ,the smaller card runs in this
 fashion3   ,reception at  #ii ,b       
,street1 at half-past two4  ,to these   
invitations the invited guests make no  
response save to go or to leave cards4  
,all invited guests1 however1 are       
expected to call on the young couple and

 to invite them during the year4  ,of   
course there are quieter weddings and   
very simple arrangements as to serving  
refreshments3 a wedding-cake and a      
decanter of sherry often are alone      
offered to the witnesses of a wedding4  
,many brides prefer to be married in    
travelling-dress and hat1 and leave     
immediately1 without congratulations4   
,the honey-moon in our busy land is     
usually only a fortnight in the sky1 and
 some few bridal pairs prefer to spend  
it at the quiet country house of a      
friend1 as is the ,english fashion4 ,but
 others make a hurried trip to ,niagara1
 or to the ,thousand ,islands1 or go to 
,europe1 as the case may be4 ,it is     
extraordinary that none stay at home2 in
 beginning a new life all agree that a  
change of place is the first requisite4 
,after the return home1 bridal dinners  
and parties are offered to the bride1   
and she is treated with distinction for 
three months4 ,her path is often strewed
 with flowers from the church to her own

 door1 and it is1 metaphorically1 so    
adorned during the first few weeks of   
married life4 ,every one hastens to     
welcome her to her new condition1 and   
she has but to smile and accept the     
amiable congratulations and attentions  
which are showered upon her4 ,let her   
parents remember1 however1 in sending   
cards after the wedding1 to let the     
bride's friends know where she can be   
found in her married estate4  ,now as to
 the time for the marriage4 ,there is   
something exquisitely poetical in the   
idea of a ,june wedding4 ,it is the very
 month for the softer emotions and for  
the wedding journey4 ,in ,england it is 
the favorite month for marriages4 ,may  
is considered unlucky1 and in an old    
almanac of #afgh we find the following  
notice3 ,times prohibiting marriage3    
,marriage comes in on the #acth day of  
,january and at ,septuagesima ,sunday2  
it is out again until ,low ,sunday1 at  
which time it comes in again and goes   
not out until ,rogation ,sunday4 ,thence

 it is forbidden until ,trinity ,sunday1
 from whence it is unforbidden until    
,advent ,sunday2 but then it goes out   
and comes not in again until the #ahth  
of ,january next following4  ,our brides
 have1 however1 all seasons for their   
own1 excepting ,may1 as we have said1   
and ,friday1 an unlucky day4 ,the month 
of roses has very great recommendations4
 ,the ceremony is apt to be performed in
 the country at a pretty little church1 
which lends its altar-rails gracefully  
to wreaths1 and whose ,gothic windows   
open upon green lawns and trim gardens4 
,the bride and her maids can walk over  
the delicate sward without soiling their
 slippers1 and an opportunity offers for
 carrying parasols made entirely of     
flowers4 ,but if it is too far to walk1 
the bride is driven to church in her    
father's carriage with him alone1 her   
mother1 sisters1 and bridesmaids having 
preceded her4 ,in ,england etiquette    
requires that the bride and groom should
 depart from the church in the groom's  

carriage4 ,it is strict etiquette there 
that the groom furnish the carriage with
 which they return to the               
wedding-breakfast and afterwards depart 
in state1 with many wedding-favors on   
the horses' heads1 and huge white       
bouquets on the breasts of coachman and 
footman4  ,it is in ,england1 also1     
etiquette to drive with four horses to  
the place where the honey-moon is to be 
spent2 but in ,america the drive is     
generally to the nearest                
railway-station4  ,let us give a further
 sketch of the duties of the best man4  
,he accompanies the groom to the church 
and stands near him1 waiting at the     
altar1 until the bride arrives2 then he 
holds the groom's hat4 ,he signs the    
register afterwards as witness1 and pays
 the clergyman's fee1 and then follows  
the bridal procession out of the church1
 joining the party at the house1 where  
he still further assists the groom by   
presenting the guests4 ,the bridesmaids 
sometimes form a line near the door at a

 ,june wedding1 allowing the bride to   
walk through this pretty alley-way to   
the church4  ,the bridegroom's relatives
 sit at the right of the altar or       
communion rails1 thus being on the      
bridegroom's right hand1 and those of   
the bride sit on the left1 at the       
bride's left hand4 ,the bridegroom and  
best man stand on the clergyman's left  
hand at the altar4 ,the bride is taken  
by her right hand by the groom1 and of  
course stands on his left hand2 her     
father stands a little behind her4      
,sometimes the female relatives stand in
 the chancel with the bridal group1 but 
this1 can only happen in a very large   
church2 and the rector must arrange     
this1 as in high churches the marriages 
take place outside the chancel4  ,after 
the ceremony is over the clergyman bends
 over and congratulates the young       
people4 ,the bride then takes the left  
arm of the groom1 and passes down the   
aisle1 followed by her bridesmaids and  
the ushers4  ,some of our correspondents

 have no good asked us what the best man
 is doing at this moment8 ,probably     
waiting in the vestry1 or1 if not1 he   
hurries down a side aisle1 gets into a  
carriage1 and drives to the house where 
the wedding reception is to be held4    
,october is a good month for both city  
and country weddings4 ,in our climate1  
the brilliant ,october days1 not too    
warm1 are admirable for the city guests1
 who are invited to a country place for 
the wedding1 and certainly it is a      
pleasant season for the wedding journey4
 ,travelling costumes for brides in     
,england are very elegant1 even showy4  
,velvet1 and even light silks and       
satins1 are used2 but in our country    
plain cloth and cashmere costumes are   
more proper and more fashionable4  ,for 
weddings in families where a death has  
recently occurred1 all friends1 even the
 widowed mother1 should lay aside their 
mourning for the ceremony1 appearing in 
colors4 ,it is considered unlucky and   
inappropriate to wear black at a        

wedding4 ,in our country a widowed      
mother appears at her daughter's wedding
 in purple velvet or silk2 in ,england  
she wears deep cardinal red1 which is   
considered1 under these circumstances1  
to be mourning1 or proper for a person  
who is in mourning4  ,we should add that
 ushers and groomsmen are unknown at an 
,english wedding4 ,the sexton of the    
church performs the functions which are 
attended to here by ushers4             
,note4--,the young people who are about 
to be married make a list together as to
 whom cards should be sent1 and all     
cards go from the young lady's family4  
,no one thinks it strange to get cards  
for a wedding4 ,a young lady should     
write a note of thanks to every one who 
sends her a present before she leaves   
home2 all her husband's friends1        
relatives1 etc41 all her own1 and to    
people whom she does not know these     
notes should especially be written1 as  
their gifts may be prompted by a sense  
of kindness to her parents or her fianc1

 which she should recognize4 ,it is     
better taste to write these notes on    
note-paper than on cards4 ,it is not    
necessary to send cards to each member  
of a family2 include them all under the 
head of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,brown and       
family4 ,it would be proper for a young 
lady to send her cards to a physician   
under whose care she has been if she was
 acquainted with him socially1 but it is
 not expected when the acquaintance is  
purely professional4 ,a fashionable and 
popular physician would be swamped with 
wedding-cards if that were the custom4  
,if1 however1 one wishes to show        
gratitude and remembrance1 there would  
be no impropriety in sending cards to   
such a gentleman4  ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,who
 ,,pays ,,for ,,the ,,cards8  ,we have  
received a number of letters from our   
correspondents asking whether the groom 
pays for the wedding cards4 ,this       
question we have answered so often in   
the negative that we think it well to   
explain the philosophy of the etiquette 

of weddings1 which is remotely founded  
on the early savage history of mankind1 
and which bears fruit in our later and  
more complex civilization1 still        
reminding us of the past4 ,in early and 
in savage days the man sought his bride 
heroically1 and carried her off by      
force4 ,the ,tartar still does this1 and
 the idea only was improved in          
patriarchal days by the purchase of the 
bride by the labor of her husband1 or by
 his wealth in flocks and herds4 ,it is 
still a theory that the bride is thus   
carried off4 ,always1 therefore1 the    
idea has been cherished that the bride  
is something carefully guarded1 and the 
groom is looked upon as a sort of       
friendly enemy1 who comes to take away  
the much-prized object from her loving  
and jealous family4 ,thus the           
long-cherished theory bears fruit in the
 ,english ceremonial1 where the only    
carriage furnished by the groom is the  
one in which he drives the bride away to
 the spending of the honeymoon4 ,up to  

that time he has had no rights of       
proprietorship4 ,even this is not       
allowed in ,america among fashionable   
people1 the bride's father sending them 
in his own carriage on the first stage  
of their journey4 ,it is not etiquette  
for the groom to furnish anything for   
his own wedding but the ring and a      
bouquet for the bride1 presents for the 
bridesmaids and the best man1 and some  
token to the ushers4 ,he pays the       
clergyman4  ,he should not pay for the  
cards1 the carriages1 the entertainment1
 or anything connected with the wedding4
 ,this is decided in the high court of  
etiquette4 ,that is the province of the 
family of the bride1 and should be      
insisted upon4 ,if they are not able to 
do this1 there should be no wedding and 
no cards4 ,it is better for a           
portionless girl to go to the altar in a
 travelling dress1 and to send out no   
sort of invitations or wedding cards1   
than to allow the groom to pay for them4
 ,this is not to the disparagement of   

the rights of the groom4 ,it is simply a
 proper and universal etiquette4  ,at   
the altar the groom1 if he is a         
millionaire1 makes his wife his equal by
 saying1 ,with all my worldly goods ,i  
thee endow2 but until he has uttered    
these words she has no claim on his     
purse for clothes1 or cards1 or         
household furnishing1 or anything but   
those articles which come under the head
 of such gifts as it is a lover's       
province to give4  ,a very precise1     
old-time aristocrat of ,new ,york broke 
her daughter's engagement to a gentleman
 because he brought her a dress from    
,paris4 ,she said1 if he did not know   
enough not to give her daughter clothes 
while she was under her roof1 he should 
not have her4 ,this is an exaggerated   
feeling1 but the principle is a sound   
one4 ,the position of a woman is so     
delicate1 the relations of engaged      
people so uncertain1 that it would bring
 about an awkwardness if the gentleman  
were to pay for the shoes1 the gowns1   

the cards of his betrothed4  ,suppose1  
as was the case twice last winter1 that 
an engagement of marriage is broken     
after the cards are out4 ,who is to     
repay the bridegroom if he has paid for 
the cards8 ,should the father of the    
bride send him a check8 ,that would be  
very insulting1 yet a family would feel 
nervous about being under pecuniary     
indebtedness to a discarded son-in-law4 
,the lady can return her ring and the   
gifts her lover has made her2 they have 
suffered no contact that will injure    
them4 ,but she could not return shoes or
 gowns or bonnets4  ,it is therefore    
wisely ordered by etiquette that the    
lover be allowed to pay for nothing that
 could not be returned to him without   
loss1 if the engagement were dissolved1 
even on the wedding morning4  ,of course
 in primitive life the lover may pay for
 his lady-love1 as we will say in the   
case of a pair of young people who come 
together in a humble station4 ,such     
marriages are common in ,america1 and   

many of these pairs have mounted to the 
very highest social rank4 ,but they must
 not attempt anything which is in       
imitation of the etiquette of           
fashionable life unless they can do it  
well and thoroughly4  ,nothing is more  
honorable than a marriage celebrated in 
the presence only of father1 mother1 and
 priest4 ,two young people unwilling or 
unable to have splendid dresses1        
equipages1 cards1 and ceremony1 can     
always be married this way1 and go to   
the ,senate or ,white ,house afterwards4
 ,they are not hampered by it hereafter4
 ,but the bride should never forget her 
dignity4 ,she should never let the groom
 pay for cards1 or for anything1 unless 
it is the marriage license1 wherever it 
is needful in this country1 and the     
clergyman's fee4 ,if she does1 she puts 
herself in a false position4  ,a very   
sensible observer1 writing of ,america  
and its young people1 and the liberty   
allowed them1 says the liberty1 or the  
license1 of our youth will have to be   

curtailed4 ,as our society becomes      
complex and artificial1 like older      
societies in ,europe1 our children will 
be forced to approximate to them in     
status1 and parents will have to waken  
to a sense of their responsibilities4   
,this is a remark which applies at once 
to that liberty permitted to engaged    
couples in rural neighborhoods1 where   
the young girl is allowed to go on a    
journey at her lover's expense4 ,a      
girl's natural protectors should know   
better than to allow this4 ,they know   
that her purity is her chief attraction 
to man1 and that a certain coyness and  
virginal freshness are the dowry she    
should bring her future husband4        
,suppose that this engagement is broken 
off4 ,how will she be accepted by       
another lover after having enjoyed the  
hospitality of the first8 ,would it not 
always make a disagreeable feeling      
between the two men1 although ,no4 #b   
might have perfect respect for the girl8
  ,etiquette may sometimes make         

blunders1 but it is generally based on a
 right principle1 and here it is        
undoubtedly founded in truth and        
justice4 ,in other countries this truth 
is so fully realized that daughters are 
guarded by the vigilance of parents     
almost to the verge of absurdity4 ,a    
young girl is never allowed to go out   
alone1 and no man is permitted to enter 
the household until his character has   
undergone the closest scrutiny4         
,marriage is a unique contract1 and all 
the various wrongs caused by hasty      
marriages1 all the troubles before the  
courts1 all the divorces1 are multiplied
 by the carelessness of ,american       
parents1 who1 believing1 and truly      
believing1 in the almost universal      
purity of their daughters1 are careless 
of the fold1 not remembering the one    
black sheep4  ,this evil of excessive   
liberty and of the loose etiquette of   
our young people cannot be rooted out by
 laws4 ,it must begin at the            
hearth-stone1 ,family life must be      

reformed2 young ladies must be brought  
up with greater strictness4 ,the bloom  
of innocence should not be brushed off  
by careless hands4 ,if a mother leaves  
her daughter matronless1 to receive     
attentions without her dignified        
presence1 she opens the door to an      
unworthy man1 who may mean marriage or  
not4 ,he may be a most unsuitable       
husband even if he does mean marriage4  
,if he takes the young lady about1      
paying for her cab hire1 her theatre    
tickets1 and her journeyings1 and then  
drops her1 whom have they to thank but  
themselves that her bloom is brushed    
off1 that her character suffers1 that   
she is made ridiculous1 and marries some
 one whom she does not love1 for a home4
  ,men1 as they look back on their own  
varied experience1 are apt to remember  
with great respect the women who were   
cold and distant4 ,they love the fruit  
which hung the highest1 the flower which
 was guarded1 and which did not grow    
under their feet in the highway4 ,they  

look back with vague wonder that they   
were ever infatuated with a fast girl   
who matured into a vulgar woman4  ,and  
we must remember what a fatal effect    
upon marriage is the loosing of the ties
 of respect4 ,love without trust is     
without respect1 and if a lover has not 
respected his fiance1 he will never     
respect his wife4  ,it is the privilege 
of the bride to name the wedding day1   
and of her father and mother to pay for 
her trousseau4 ,after the wedding       
invitations are issued she does not     
appear in public4  ,the members of the  
bride's family go to the church before  
the bride2 the bridegroom and his best  
man await them at the altar4  ,the bride
 comes last1 with her father or brother1
 who is to give her away4 ,she is joined
 at the altar step by her fianc1 who    
takes her hand1 and then she becomes his
 for life4  ,all these trifles mean     
much1 as any one can learn who goes     
through with the painful details of a   
divorce suit4  ,now when the circle of  

friends on both sides is very extensive1
 it has of late become customary to send
 invitations to some who are not called 
to the wedding breakfast to attend the  
ceremony in church4 ,this sometimes     
takes the place of issuing cards4 ,no   
one thinks of calling on the newly      
married who has not received either an  
invitation to the ceremony at church or 
cards after their establishment in their
 new home4  ,now one of our             
correspondents writes to us1 ,who pays  
for the after-cards8 ,in most cases     
these are ordered with the other cards1 
and the bride's mother pays for them4   
,but if they are ordered after the      
marriage1 the groom may pay for these as
 he would pay for his wife's ordinary   
expenses4 ,still1 it is stricter        
etiquette that even these should be paid
 for by the bride's family4  ,people who
 are asked to the wedding send cards to 
the house if they cannot attend1 and in 
any case send or leave cards within ten 
days after1 unless they are in very deep

 mourning1 when a dispensation is       
granted them4  ,the etiquette of a      
wedding at home does not differ at all  
from the etiquette of a wedding in      
church with regard to cards4 ,a great   
confusion seems to exist in the minds of
 some of our correspondents as to whom  
they shall send their return cards on   
being invited to a wedding4 ,some ask3  
,shall ,i send them to the bride1 as ,i 
do not know her mother8 ,certainly not2 
send them to whomsoever invites you4    
,afterwards call on the bride or send   
her cards1 but the first and important  
card goes to the lady who gives the     
wedding4  ,the order of the religious   
part of the ceremony is fixed by the    
church in which it occurs4 ,the groom   
must call on the rector or clergyman1   
see the organist1 and make what         
arrangements the bride pleases1 but1 we 
repeat1 all expenses1 excepting the fee 
to the clergyman1 are borne by the      
bride's family4  ,the sexton should see 
to it that the white ribbon is stretched

 across the aisle1 that the awning and  
carpet are in place1 and it would be    
well if the police regulations could    
extend to the group of idlers who crowd 
around the church door1 to the great    
inconvenience of the guests4  ,a wedding
 invitation requires no answer1 unless  
it be to a sit-down wedding breakfast4  
,cards left afterwards are              
all-sufficient4 ,the separate cards of  
the bride and groom are no longer       
included in the invitation4 ,nothing    
black in the way of dress but the       
gentlemen's coats is admissible at a    
wedding4  ,,chapter ,x4 ,,weddings      
,,after ,,easter4  ,we may expect a     
great deal of color in the coming bridal
 trousseau1 beginning at the altar4 ,the
 bridesmaids have thus lost one chance  
of distinguishing themselves by a       
different and a colored dress4 ,but     
although some eccentric brides may      
choose to be married in pink1 we cannot 
but believe1 from the beautiful dresses 
which we have seen1 that the greater    

number will continue to be wedded in    
white2 therefore dressmakers need not   
turn pale4  ,and all our brides may     
rejoice that they are not ,french       
brides4 ,it is very troublesome to be   
married in ,france1 especially if one of
 the high contracting parties be a      
foreigner4 ,a certificate of baptism is 
required1 together with that of the     
marriage of the father and mother1 and a
 written consent of the grandfather and 
grandmother1 if either is alive and the 
parents dead4 ,the names of the parties 
are then put up on the door of the      
mairie1 or mayor's office1 for eleven   
days4  ,in ,england there are four ways 
of getting married4 ,the first is by    
special license1 which enables two      
people to be married at any time and at 
any place2 but this is very expensive1  
costing fifty pounds1 and is only       
obtainable through an archbishop4 ,then 
there is the ordinary license1 which can
 be procured either at ,doctors'        
,commons or through a clergyman1 who    

must also be a surrogate1 and resident  
in the diocese where the marriage is to 
take place2 both parties must swear that
 they are of age1 or1 if minors1 that   
they have the consent of their parents4 
,but to be married by banns is          
considered the most orthodox as well as 
the most economical way of proceeding4  
,the banns must be published in the     
church of the parish in which the lady  
lives for three consecutive ,sundays    
prior to the marriage1 also the same law
 holds good for the gentleman1 and the  
parties must have resided fifteen days  
in the parish4 ,or the knot may be tied 
at a licensed chapel1 or at the office  
of a registrar1 notice being given three
 weeks previously4  ,we merely quote    
these safeguards against imprudent      
marriages to show our brides how free   
they are4 ,and perhaps1 as we sometimes 
find1 they are too free2 there is danger
 that there may be too much ease in     
tying the knot that so many wish untied 
later1 judging from the frequency of    

divorce4  ,however1 we will not throw a 
damper on that occasion which for whirl 
and bustle and gayety and excitement is 
not equalled by any other day in a      
person's life4 ,the city wedding in ,new
 ,york is marked first by the arrival of
 the caterer1 who comes to spread the   
wedding breakfast2 and later on by the  
florist1 who appears to decorate the    
rooms1 to hang the floral bell1 or to   
spread the floral umbrella1 or to build 
a grotto of flowers in the bow-window   
where the happy couple shall stand4     
,some of the latest freaks in floral    
fashion cause a bower of tall-growing   
ferns to be constructed1 the ferns      
meeting over the bridal pair4 ,this is1 
of course1 supposing that the wedding   
takes place at home4 ,then another      
construction is a house entirely of     
roses1 large enough to hold the bride   
and bridegroom4 ,this is first built of 
bamboo or light wood1 then covered thick
 with roses1 and is very beautiful and  
almost too fragrant4 ,if some one had   

not suggested bathing-house1 as he      
looked at this floral door to matrimony1
 it would have been perfect4 ,it also   
looks a little like a confessional4     
,perhaps a freer sweep is better for    
both bride and groom4 ,there should not 
be a close atmosphere1 or too many      
overfragrant flowers2 for at a home     
wedding1 however well the arrangements  
have been anticipated1 there is always a
 little time spent in waiting for the   
bride1 a few presents arrive late1 and  
there is always a slight confusion1 so  
that the mamma is apt to be nervous and 
flushed1 and the bride agitated4  ,a    
church wedding involves a great deal    
more trouble with carriages for the     
bridesmaids and for the family1 and for 
the bride and her father1 who must go   
together to the church4  ,fortunately   
there is no stern law1 if every one is  
late at church1 for the hour appointed1 
as in ,england4 ,there the law would    
read1 ,the rite of marriage is to be    
performed between the hours of #h ,a4,m4

 and noon1 upon pain of suspension and  
felony with fourteen years'             
transportation4 ,such is the stern order
 to the officiating priests4  ,the      
reason for this curious custom and the  
terrible penalty awaiting its           
infringement is traceable1 it is said1  
to the wrongs committed on innocent     
parties by the hedge parsons4 ,also1    
alas6 because our ,english ancestors    
were apt to be drunk after midday1 and  
unable to take an oath4  ,here the      
guests arrive first at the church4 ,the 
groom emerges from the vestry1 supported
 by his best man1 and then the organ    
strikes up the ,wedding ,march4  ,two   
little girls1 beautifully dressed in    
,kate ,greenaway hats and white gowns1  
and with immense sashes1 carrying       
bouquets1 come in first2 then the       
bridesmaids1 who form an avenue4 ,then  
the bride and her father walk up to the 
altar1 where the groom claims her1 and  
her father steps back4 ,the bride stands
 on the left hand of the bridegroom2 her

 first bridesmaid advances nearly behind
 her1 ready to receive the glove and    
bouquet4 ,after the ceremony is over1   
the bride and groom walk down the aisle 
first1 and the children follow2 after   
them the bridesmaids1 then the ushers1  
then the father and mother1 and so on4  
,sometimes the ushers go first1 to be   
ready to cloak the bride1 open the      
doors1 keep back the people1 and        
generally preserve order4  ,the signing 
of the register in the vestry is not an 
,american custom1 but it is now the     
fashion to have a highly illuminated    
parchment certificate signed by the     
newly married pair1 with two or three   
witnesses1 the bridesmaids1 the best    
man1 the father and mother1 and so on1  
generally being the attesting parties4  
,if a sit-down wedding breakfast has    
been arranged1 it occurs about half an  
hour after the parties return from      
church4 ,an attempt is being made to    
return to the manners of the past1 and  
for the bridegroom 7  la ,sir ,charles  

,grandison7 to wait on the guests with a
 napkin on his arm4 ,this often makes   
much amusement1 and breaks in on the    
formality4 ,of course his waiting is    
very much of a sinecure and a joke4     
,the table for a wedding breakfast of   
this sort should be of a horseshoe      
shape4 ,but for a city wedding1 where   
many guests are to be invited in a      
circle which is forever widening1 this  
sort of an exclusive breakfast is almost
 impossible1 and a large table is       
generally spread1 where the guests go in
 uninvited1 and are helped by the       
waiters4  ,eight bridesmaids is a       
fashionable number2 and the bride has1  
of course1 the privilege of choosing the
 dresses4 ,the prettiest toilettes we   
have seen were of heliotrope gaze over  
satin2 and again clover red1 lighted up 
with white lace4 ,the bonnets were of   
white chip1 with feathers of red1 for   
this last dress2 broad hats of yellow   
satin1 with yellow plumes1 will surmount
 the heliotrope bridesmaids4 ,one set of

 bridesmaids will wear ,nile-green      
dresses1 with pink plumes in their      
coiffures2 another set1 probably those  
with the pink bride1 will be in white   
satin and silver4  ,a bride's dress has 
lately been ornamented with orange      
blossoms and lilacs4 ,the veil was      
fastened on with orange flowers2 the    
corsage bouquet was of orange flowers   
and lilacs mixed2 the lace over-dress   
was caught up with lilac sprays2 the    
hand bouquet wholly of lilacs2 ,the     
gardener's success in producing these   
dwarf bushes covered with white lilacs  
has given us the beautiful flower in    
great perfection4 ,cowslips are to be   
used as corsage and hand bouquets for   
bridesmaids' dresses1 the dresses being 
of pale blue surah1 with yellow satin   
,gainsborough hats1 and yellow plumes4  
,white gloves and shoes are proper for  
brides4 ,the white undressed kid or     
,swedish glove will be the favorite2 and
 high princesse dresses with long       
sleeves are still pronounced the best   

style4  ,as for wedding presents1 great 
favor is shown to jewelry and articles  
somewhat out of the common4 ,vases of   
costly workmanship1 brass wine-coolers1 
enamelled glass frames1 small mirrors   
set in silver1 belt clasps1 pins of     
every sort of conceit for the hair1     
choice old ,louis ,treize silver boxes  
of curious design1 and watches1 even old
 miniatures1 are all of the order of    
things most desired4 ,so many of our    
spring brides are going immediately to  
,europe that it seems absurd to load    
them down with costly dinner sets1 or   
the usual lamps and pepper-casters4     
,these may come later4 ,how much        
prettier to give the bride something she
 can wear6  ,wedding presents1 if shown1
 will be in the second-story front room1
 spread on tables and surrounded by     
flowers4 ,some brides will give an      
afternoon tea the day before to show the
 presents to a few intimate friends4    
,each present will bear the name of the 
giver on his or her card4  ,one bride   

intends to make a most original         
innovation4 ,instead of going           
immediately out of town1 she will remain
 at home and attend the ,bachelors'     
,ball1 in the evening1 leaving for      
,philadelphia at three in the morning4  
,at several of the church weddings the  
guests are only bidden there2 there will
 be no reception4  ,widows who are to be
 married again should be reminded that  
they can neither have wedding favors nor
 wear a veil or orange blossoms4 ,a     
widow bride should wear a bonnet1 she   
should have no bridesmaids1 and a       
peach-blossom silk or velvet is a very  
pretty dress4 ,at a certain up-town     
wedding all the gentlemen will wear a   
wedding favor excepting the groom4 ,he  
always wears only a flower4  ,wedding   
favors should be made of white ribbon   
and silver leaves4 ,large bouquets of   
white flowers should ornament the ears  
of the horses and the coats of the      
coachmen and footmen4  ,it is a matter  
of taste whether the bride wears her    

gloves to the altar or whether she goes 
up with uncovered hands4 ,high-,church  
brides prefer the latter custom1 ,the   
bride carries a prayer-book1 if she     
prefers1 instead of a bouquet4 ,the     
,holy ,communion is administered to the 
married pair if they desire it4  ,one   
correspondent inquires1 ,who should be  
asked to a wedding8 ,we should say all  
your visiting list1 or none4 ,there is  
an unusual feeling about being left out 
at a wedding1 and no explanation that it
 is a small and not general invitation  
seems to satisfy those who are thus     
passed over4 ,it is much better to      
offend no one on so important an        
occasion4  ,wedding cards and wedding   
stationery have not altered at all4 ,the
 simple styles are the best4 ,the bridal
 linen should be marked with the maiden 
name of the bride4  ,if brides could    
only find out some way to let their     
friends know where they are to be found 
after marriage it1 would be a great     
convenience4  ,the newest style of      

engagement ring is a diamond and a ruby1
 or a diamond and a sapphire1 set at    
right angles or diagonally4 ,bangles    
with the bridal monogram set in jewels  
are very pretty1 and a desirable        
ornament for the bridesmaids' gifts1    
serving as a memento and a particularly 
neat ornament4 ,they seem to have       
entirely superseded the locket4 ,the    
bride's name cut in silver or gold      
serves for a lace pin1 and is quite     
effective4  ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,summer    
,,weddings4  ,a new fashion in the      
engraving of the wedding note-paper is  
the first novelty of the early summer   
wedding4 ,the card is entirely          
discarded1 and sheets of note-paper1    
with the words of the invitation in very
 fine running script1 are now           
universally used1 without crests or     
ciphers4 ,we are glad to see that the   
very respectful form of invitation1 ,mr4
 and ,mrs4 ,john ,h4 ,brown request the 
honor of your presence1 etc41 is        
returning to fashionable favor4 ,it     

never should have gone out4 ,nothing is 
more self-respecting than respect1 and  
when we ask our friends to visit us we  
can well afford to be unusually         
courteous4 ,the brief1 curt1 and not too
 friendly announcement1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4  
,john ,h4 ,brown request your presence1 
etc41 etc41 may well yield to the much  
more elegant and formal compliment4     
,from high social authority in ,new     
,york we have an invitation much simpler
 and more cordial1 also worthy of       
imitation3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,winslow      
,appleblossom request the pleasure of   
your company at the wedding reception of
 their daughter1 on ,tuesday afternoon  
,june the sixteenth4 ,this is without   
cards or names1 presuming that the      
latter will follow later on4  ,another  
very comprehensive and useful           
announcement of a wedding1 from a lady  
living out of town1 conveys1 however1 on
 one sheet of paper the desired         
information of where to find the bride3 
,mrs4 ,seth ,osborne   announces the    

marriage of her daughter   ,margurite   
to   ,mr4 ,joseph ,wendon1   on         
,wednesday1 ,september the ninth1   at  
,bristol1 ,connecticut4    ,at ,home    
after ,january first1   at #geh ,wood   
,street4  ,this card of announcement is 
a model of conciseness1 and answers the 
oft-repeated question1 ,where shall we  
go to find the married couple next      
winter8  ,in arranging the house for the
 spring wedding the florists have hit   
upon a new device of having only one    
flower in masses2 so we hear of the     
apple-blossom wedding1 the lilac        
wedding1 the lily wedding1 the rose     
wedding and the daffodil wedding1 the   
violet wedding1 and the daisy wedding4  
,so well has this been carried out that 
at a recent daisy wedding the bride's   
lace and diamond ornaments bore the     
daisy pattern1 and each bridesmaid      
received a daisy pin with diamond       
centre4  ,this fashion of massing a     
single flower has its advantages when   
that flower is the beautiful feathery   

lilac1 as ornamental as a plume2 but it 
is not to be commended when flowers are 
as sombre as the violet1 which nowadays 
suggests funerals4 ,daffodils are lovely
 and original1 and apple-blossoms make a
 hall in a ,queen ,anne mansion very    
decorative4 ,no one needs to be told    
that roses look better for being massed1
 and it is a pretty conceit for a bride 
to make the flower which was the        
ornament of her wedding her flower for  
life4  ,the passion for little girls as 
bridesmaids receives much encouragement 
at the spring and summer weddings4 ,one 
is reminded of the children weddings of 
the fifteenth century1 as these         
darlings1 wearing ,kate ,greenaway hats1
 walk up the aisle1 preceding the bride4
 ,the young brother of the bride1 a mere
 boy1 who1 in the fatherless condition  
of his sister1 recently gave her away1  
also presented a touching picture4 ,it  
has become a fashion now to invoke youth
 as well as age to give the blessings   
once supposed to be alone at the beck   

and call of those whom ,time had        
sanctified4  ,the bridal dresses are    
usually of white satin and point lace1 a
 preference for tulle veils being very  
evident4 ,a pin for the veil1 with a    
diamond ornament1 and five large        
diamonds hanging by little chains1 makes
 a very fine effect1 and is a novelty4  
,the groom at a recent wedding gave     
cat's-eyes set round with diamonds to   
his ushers for scarf pins1 the cat's-eye
 being considered a very lucky stone4   
,the ushers and the groom wear very     
large boutonnieres of stephanotis and   
gardenias1 or equally large bunches of  
lilies-of-the-valley1 in their          
button-holes4  ,at one of the country   
weddings of the spring a piper in full  
,scotch costume discoursed most eloquent
 music on the lawn during the wedding   
ceremony4 ,this was a compliment to the 
groom1 who is a captain in a ,highland  
regiment4  ,a prevailing fashion for    
wedding presents is to give heavy pieces
 of furniture1 such as sideboards1      

writing-tables1 cabinets1 and pianos4   
,a favorite dress for travelling is     
heliotrope cashmere1 with bonnet to     
match4 ,for a dark bride nothing is more
 becoming than dark blue tailormade with
 white vest and sailor collar4 ,gray    
cashmere with steel passementerie has   
also been much in vogue4 ,a light gray  
mohair1 trimmed with lace of the same   
color1 was also much admired4  ,we have 
mentioned the surroundings of the       
brides1 but have not spoken of the      
background4 ,a screen hung with white   
and purple lilacs formed the background 
of one fair bride1 a hanging curtain of 
,jacque-minot roses formed the          
appropriate setting of another4 ,perhaps
 the most regal of these floral screens 
was one formed of costly orchids1 each  
worth a fortune4 ,one of the most       
beautiful of the spring wedding dresses 
was made of cream-white satin over a    
tulle petticoat1 the tulle being held   
down by a long diagonal band of broad   
pearl embroidery1 the satin train       

trimmed with bows of ribbon in          
true-lovers' knots embroidered in       
seed-pearls2 a shower of white lilacs   
trimmed one side of the skirt4  ,another
 simple dress was made of white silk1   
trimmed with old ,venetian point1 the   
train of striped ivory point and white  
satin depending   la ,watteau from the  
shoulders1 and fastened at the point of 
the waist4 ,at the side three large     
pleats formed a drapery1 which was      
fringed with orange-blossoms4  ,from    
,england we hear of the most curious    
combinations as to travelling-dresses4  
,biscuit-colored canvas1 embroidered    
around the polonaise in green and gold1 
while the skirt is edged with a broad   
band of green velvet4 ,the new woollen  
laces of all colors make a very good    
effect in the going-away dress of a     
bride4  ,we are often asked by summer   
brides whether they should wear bonnets 
or round hats for their                 
travelling-dress4 ,we unhesitatingly say
 bonnets4 ,a very pretty wedding bonnet 

is made of lead-colored beads without   
foundation1 light and transparent2      
strings of red velvet and a bunch of red
 plums complete this bonnet4            
,gold-colored straw1 trimmed with       
gold-brown velvet and black net1 makes a
 pretty travelling-bonnet4 ,open-work   
black straw trimmed with black lace and 
red roses1 very high in the crown1 with 
a split front1 is a very becoming and   
appropriate bonnet for a spring costume4
  ,a pretty dress for the child         
bridemaids is a pink faille slip covered
 with dotted muslin1 not tied in at the 
waist1 and the broadest of high         
,gainsborough hats of pale pink silk    
with immense bows1 from the well-known  
pictures of ,gainsborough's pretty      
women4  ,but if a summer bride must     
travel in a bonnet1 there is no reason  
that her trousseau should not contain a 
large ,leghorn hat1 the straw caught up 
on the back in long loops1 the spaces   
between filled in with bows of          
heliotrope ribbon4 ,the crown should be 

covered with white ostrich tips4 ,this  
is a very becoming hat for a lawn party4
  ,it would be a charming addition to   
our well-known and somewhat worn-out    
,wedding-,march1 always played as the   
bride walks up the aisle1 if a chorus of
 choir boys would sing an epithalamium1 
as is now done in ,england4 ,these fresh
 young voices hailing the youthful      
couple would be in keeping with the     
child bridesmaids and the youthful      
brothers4 ,nay1 they would suggest those
 frescoes of the ,italian villas where  
,hymen and ,cupid1 two immortal boys1   
always precede the happy pair4  ,it is a
 pleasant part of weddings everywhere   
that the faithful domestics who have    
loved the bride from childhood are      
expected to assist by their presence at 
the ceremony1 each wearing a wedding    
favor made by the fair hand of the bride
 herself4 ,an amusing anecdote is told  
of a ,yorkshire coachman1 who1 newly    
arrived in ,america1 was to drive the   
bride to church4 ,not knowing him1      

particularly as he was a new addition to
 the force1 the bride sent him his favor
 by the hands of her maid4 ,but         
,yorkshire decided stoutly against      
receiving such a vicarious offering1 and
 remarked1 ,tell she ,i'd rather 'ave it
 from she4 ,and so she was obliged to   
come down and affix the favor to his    
livery coat1 or he would have resigned  
the ribbons4 ,the nurses1 the cook1 the 
maids1 and the men-servants in ,england 
always expect a wedding favor and a     
small gratuity at a wedding1 and in this
 country should be remembered by a box  
of cake1 and possibly by a new dress1   
cap1 or bonnet1 or something to recall  
the day4  ,the plan of serving the      
refreshments at a buffet all through the
 reception retains its place as the most
 convenient and appropriate of forms4   
,the wedding breakfast1 where toasts are
 drunk and speeches made1 is practicable
 in ,england1 but hardly here1 where we 
are not to the manner born4 ,the old    
trained domestics who serve such a feast

 can not be invented at will in         
,america1 so that it is better to allow 
our well-filled tables to remain heavily
 laden1 as they are1 with dainties which
 defy competition1 served by a corps of 
waiters4  ,the pretty plan of cutting   
the bride cake and hunting for a ring   
has been long exploded1 as the          
bridesmaids declare that it ruins their 
gloves1 and that in these days of       
eighteen buttons it is too much trouble 
to take off and put on a glove for the  
sake of finding a ring in a bit of      
greasy pastry4 ,however1 it might       
supplement a wedding supper4  ,,chapter 
,,xii4 ,,autumn ,,weddings4  ,the first 
thing which strikes the eye of the      
fortunate person who is invited to see  
the bridal gifts is the predominance of 
silver-ware4 ,we have now passed the age
 of bronze and that of brass1 and silver
 holds the first place of importance4   
,not only the coffee and tea sets1 but  
the dinner sets and the whole furniture 
of the writing-table1 and even brooms   

and brushes1 are made with repouss      
silver handles--the last1 of course1 for
 the toilette1 as for dusting velvet1   
feathers1 bonnets1 etc4  ,the oxidized1 
ugly1 discolored silver is not so       
fashionable as it was1 and the          
beautiful1 bright1 highly polished      
silver1 with its own natural and        
unmatchable color1 has come in4 ,the    
salvers afford a splendid surface for a 
monogram1 which is now copied from the  
old ,dutch silver1 and bears many a     
true-lovers' knot1 and every sort and   
kind of ornamentation2 sometimes even a 
little verse1 or posy1 as it was called 
in olden time4 ,one tea-caddy at a      
recent wedding bore the following almost
 obsolete rhyme1 which ,corydon might   
have sent to ,phyllis in pastoral times3
    ,my heart to you is given2   ,oh do 
give yours to me3   ,we'll lock them up 
together1   ,and throw away the key4    
,it should be added that the silver     
tea-caddy was in the shape of a heart1  
and that it had a key4 ,very dear to the

 heart of a housewife is the tea-caddy  
which can be locked4  ,another unique   
present was a gold tea scoop of ancient 
pattern1 probably once a baby's pap     
spoon4 ,there were also apostle-spoons1 
and little silver canoes and other      
devices to hold cigarettes and ashes2   
little mysterious boxes for the         
toilette1 to hold the tongs for curling 
hair1 and hair-pins2 mirror frames1 and 
even chair-backs and tables--all of     
silver4  ,several beautiful umbrellas1  
with all sorts of handles1 recalled the 
anecdote of the man who said he first   
saw his wife in a storm1 married her in 
a storm1 lived with her in a hurricane1 
but buried her in pleasant weather2     
parasols with jewelled handles1 and     
beautiful painted fans1 are also        
favorite offerings to the newly married4
  ,friends conspire to make their       
offerings together1 so that there may be
 no duplicates1 and no pieces in the    
silver service which do not match4 ,this
 is a very excellent plan4 ,old pieces  

like silver tankards1 ,queen ,anne      
silver1 and the ever beautiful          
,baltimore workmanship1 are highly      
prized4  ,it is no longer the fashion to
 display the presents at the wedding4   
,they are arranged in an upper room1 and
 shown to a few friends of the bride the
 day before the ceremony4 ,nor is it the
 fashion for the bride to wear many     
jewels4 ,these are reserved for her     
first appearance as a married woman4    
,clusters of diamond stars1 daisies1 or 
primroses that can be grouped together  
are now favorite gifts4 ,in this costly 
gift several friends join again1 as in  
the silver presentation4 ,diamond       
bracelets that can be used as necklaces 
are also favorite presents4 ,all sorts  
of vases1 bits of china1 cloisonn1      
clocks 7although there is not such a    
stampede of clocks and lamps as a few   
years ago71 choice etchings framed1 and 
embroidered table-cloths1 doyleys1 and  
useful coverings for bureau and         
wash-stands1 are in order4  ,the bride  

now prefers simplicity in her           
dress--splendid and costly simplicity4  
,an elegant white-satin and a tulle     
veil1 the latter very full1 the former  
extremely long and with a sweeping      
train1 high corsage1 and long sleeves1  
long white gloves1 and perhaps a flower 
in the hair--such is the latest fashion 
for an autumn bride4 ,the young ladies  
say they prefer that their magnificence 
should wait for the days after marriage1
 when their jewels can be worn4 ,there  
is great sense in this1 for a bride is  
interesting enough when she is simply   
attired4  ,the solemnization of the     
marriage should be in a church1 and a   
high ecclesiastical functionary should  
be asked to solemnize it4 ,the guests   
are brought in by the ushers1 who1 by   
the way1 now wear pearl-colored         
kid-gloves1 embroidered in black1 as do 
the groom and best man4 ,the front seats
 are reserved for the relatives and     
intimate friends1 and the head usher has
 a paper on which are written the names 

of people entitled to these front seats4
 ,the seats thus reserved have a white  
ribbon as a line of demarcation4 ,music 
should usher in the bride4  ,the fashion
 of bridesmaids has gone out            
temporarily1 and one person1 generally a
 sister1 alone accompanies the bride to 
the altar as her female aid4 ,the bride1
 attended by her father or near friend1 
comes in last1 after the ushers4 ,after 
her mother1 sister1 and family have     
preceded her1 these near relatives group
 themselves about the altar steps4 ,her 
sister1 or one bridesmaid1 stands near  
her at the altar rail1 and kneels with  
her and the bridegroom1 as does the best
 man4 ,the groom takes his bride from   
the hand of her father or nearest       
friend1 who then retires and stands a   
little behind the bridal pair4 ,he must 
be near enough to respond quickly when  
he hears the words1 ,who giveth this    
woman to be married to this man8 ,the   
bride and groom walk out together after 
the ceremony1 followed by the nearest   

relatives1 and proceed to the home where
 the wedding breakfast is served4 ,here 
the bridal pair stand under an arch of  
autumn-leaves1 golden-rod1 asters1 and  
other seasonable flowers1 and receive   
their friends1 who are presented by the 
ushers4  ,the father and mother do not  
take any stated position on this        
occasion1 but mingle with the guests1   
and form a part of the company4 ,in an  
opulent countryhouse1 if the day is     
fine1 little tables are set out on the  
lawn1 the ladies seat themselves around1
 and the gentlemen carry the            
refreshments to them2 or the piazzas are
 beautifully decorated with autumn      
boughs and ferns1 flowers1 evergreens1  
and the refreshments are served there4  
,if it is a bad day1 of course the usual
 arrangements of a crowded buffet are in
 order2 there is no longer a sit-down   
wedding breakfast2 it does not suit our 
,american ideas1 as recent experiments  
have proved4 ,we have many letters      
asking if the gentlemen of the bride's  

family should wear gloves4 ,they should1
 and1 as we have indicated1 they should 
be of pearl-colored kid1 embroidered in 
the seams with black4  ,the one         
bridesmaid must be dressed in colors4   
,at a recent very fashionable wedding   
the bridesmaid wore bright buttercup    
yellow1 a real ,directoire dress1 white 
lace skirt1 yellow bodice1 hat trimmed  
with yellow--a very picturesque1 pretty 
costume4 ,the silk stockings and        
slippers were of yellow1 the hat of     
,leghorn1 very large1 turned up at one  
side1 yellow plumes1 and long streamers 
of yellow-velvet ribbon4 ,yellow is now 
esteemed a favorite color and a         
fortunate one4 ,it once was deemed the  
synonym for envy1 but that has passed   
away4  ,the carrying of an ivory        
prayer-book was found to be attended    
with inconvenience1 therefore was       
discontinued4 ,still1 if a young lady   
wishes to have her prayer-book          
associated with her vows at the altar1  
she can properly carry it4 ,brides are1 

however1 leaving their bouquets at home1
 as the immense size of a modern bouquet
 interfered with the giving and taking  
of the ring4  ,a very pretty bit of     
ornamentation for an autumn wedding is  
the making of a piece of tapestry of    
autumn leaves to hang behind the bride  
as she receives4 ,this can be done by   
sewing the leaves on a piece of drugget 
on which some artist has drawn a clever 
sketch with chalk and charcoal4 ,we have
 seen some really elaborate and artistic
 groups done in this way by earnest and 
unselfish girl friends4 ,romeo and      
,juliet1 ,hamlet and ,ophelia1 ,tristan 
and ,iseult1 can thus be made to serve  
as decorations4  ,the walls of the      
church can1 of course1 be exquisitely   
decorated with palms in an ,oriental    
pattern1 flowers1 and leaves4 ,the      
season is one when nature's bounty is so
 profuse that even the fruits can be    
pressed into service4 ,care should be   
taken not to put too many tuberoses     
about1 for the perfume is sickening to  

some4  ,the engagement ring should be   
worn on the third finger of the left    
hand4 ,it should have a solitaire       
stone--either a diamond or a colored    
stone4 ,colored stones and diamonds1 set
 diagonally1 as a sapphire and a        
diamond1 are also worn2 but not a pearl1
 as1 according to the ,german idea1     
pearls are tears for a bride4 ,the      
wedding ring is entirely different1     
being merely a plain gold ring1 not very
 wide nor a square band1 as it was a few
 years since1 and the engagement ring is
 worn as a guard above the wedding ring4
 ,it is not usual for the bride         
expectant to give a ring to her intended
 husband1 but many girls like to give an
 engagement gift to their betrothed4    
,inside the engagement ring is the date 
of the engagement and the initials of   
each of the contracting parties4 ,the   
wedding ring has the date of the        
marriage and the initials4  ,if the     
marriage takes place at home1 the bride 
and groom enter together1 and take their

 place before the clergyman1 who has    
already entered2 then come the father   
and mother and other friends4 ,a pair of
 hassocks should be arranged for the    
bridal pair to kneel upon1 and the      
father should be near to allow the      
clergyman to see him when he asks for   
his authority4  ,for autumn weddings    
nothing is so pretty for the            
travelling-dress as a tailor-made       
costume of very light cloth1 with sacque
 to match for a cold day4 ,no           
travelling-dress should of itself be too
 heavy1 as our railway carriages are    
kept so very warm4  ,we have been asked 
to define the meaning of the word       
honeymoon4 ,it comes from the ,germans1 
who drank mead1 or metheglin--a beverage
 made of honey--for thirty days after   
the wedding4  ,the bride-cake is no     
longer cut and served at weddings2 the  
present of cake in boxes has superseded 
that4 ,at the wedding breakfast the ices
 are now packed in fancy boxes1 which   
bear nuptial mottoes and orange-blossoms

 and violets on their surfaces4 ,as the 
ring is the expressive emblem of the    
perpetuity of the compact1 and as the   
bride-cake and customary libations form 
significant symbols of the nectar sweets
 of matrimony1 it will not do to banish 
the cake altogether1 although few people
 eat it1 and few wish to carry it away4 
,among the ,romans1 ,june was considered
 the most propitious month for marriage2
 but with the ,anglo-,saxons ,october   
has always been a favorite and          
auspicious season4 ,we find that the    
festival has always been observed in    
very much the same way1 whether         
druidical1 pagan1 or ,christian4  ,we   
have been asked1 ,who shall conduct the 
single bridesmaid to the altar8 ,it     
should be the brother of the groom1 her 
own fianc1 or some chosen friend--never 
the best man2 he does not leave his     
friend the groom until he sees him      
fairly launched on that hopeful but     
uncertain sea whose reverses and whose  
smiles are being constantly tempted4    

,that man must lead a happy life  ,who  
is directed by a wife4  ,who's freed    
from matrimonial claims  ,is sure to    
suffer for his pains4  ,this is a posy  
for some ,october silver4  ,,chapter    
,,xiii4 ,,before ,,the ,,wedding ,,and  
,,after4  ,the reception of an engaged  
girl by the family of her future husband
 should be most cordial1 and no time    
should be lost in giving her a warm     
welcome4 ,it is the moment of all others
 when she will feet such a welcome most 
gratefully1 and when any neglect will be
 certain to give her the keenest        
unhappiness4  ,it is the fashion for the
 mother of the groom to invite both the 
family of the expectant bride and       
herself to a dinner as soon as possible 
after the formal announcement of the    
engagement4 ,the two families should    
meet and should make friendships at     
once4 ,this is important4  ,it is to    
these near relatives that the probable  
date of the wedding-day is first        
whispered1 in time to allow of much     

consultation and preparation in the     
selection of wedding gifts4 ,in opulent 
families each has sometimes given the   
young couple a silver dinner service and
 much silver besides1 and the rooms of  
the bride's father's house look like a  
jeweller's shop when the presents are   
shown4 ,all the magnificent ormolu      
ornaments for the chimney-piece1        
handsome clocks and lamps1 fans in large
 quantities1 spoons1 forks by the       
hundred1 and of late years the fine gilt
 ornaments1 furniture1 camel's-hair     
shawls1 bracelets--all are piled up in  
most admired confusion4 ,and when the   
invitations are out1 then come in the   
outer world with their more hastily     
procured gifts2 rare specimens of china1
 little paintings1 ornaments for the    
person--all1 all are in order4  ,a      
present is generally packed where it is 
bought1 and sent with the giver's card  
from the shop to the bride directly4    
,she should always acknowledge its      
arrival by a personal note written by   

herself4 ,a young bride once gave mortal
 offence by not thus acknowledging her  
gifts4 ,she said she had so many that   
she could not find time to write the    
notes1 which was naturally considered   
boastful and most ungracious4  ,gifts   
which owe their value to the personal   
taste or industry of the friend who     
sends are particularly complimentary4 ,a
 piece of embroidery1 a painting1 a     
water-color1 are most flattering gifts1 
as they betoken a long and predetermined
 interest4  ,no friend should be        
deterred from sending a small present1  
one not representing a money value1     
because other and richer people can send
 a more expensive one4 ,often the little
 gift remains as a most endearing and   
useful souvenir4  ,as for showing the   
wedding gifts1 that is a thing which    
must be left to individual taste4 ,some 
people disapprove of it1 and consider it
 ostentatious2 others have a large room 
devoted to the display of the presents1 
and it is certainly amusing to examine  

them4  ,as for the conduct of the       
betrothed pair during their engagement1 
our ,american mammas are apt to be      
somewhat more lenient in their views of 
the liberty to be allowed than are the  
,english4 ,with the latter1 no young    
lady is allowed to drive alone with her 
fianc2 there must be a servant in       
attendance4 ,no young lady must visit in
 the family of her fianc1 unless he has 
a mother to receive her4 ,nor is she    
allowed to go to the theatre alone with 
him1 or to travel under his escort1 to  
stop at the same hotel1 or to relax one 
of those rigid rules which a severe     
chaperon would enforce2 and it must be  
allowed that this severe and careful    
attention to appearances is in the best 
taste4  ,as for the engagement-ring1    
modern fashion prescribes a diamond     
solitaire1 which may range in price from
 two hundred and fifty to two thousand  
dollars4 ,the matter of presentation is 
a secret between the engaged pair4      
,evening weddings do not differ from day

 weddings essentially1 except that the  
bridegroom wears evening dress4  ,if the
 wedding is at home1 the space where the
 bridal party is to stand is usually    
marked off by a ribbon1 and the         
clergyman comes down in his robes before
 the bridal pair2 they face him1 and he 
faces the company4 ,hassocks are        
prepared for them to kneel upon4 ,after 
the ceremony the clergyman retires1 and 
the bridal party take his place1        
standing to receive their friends'      
congratulations4  ,should there be      
dancing at a wedding1 it is proper for  
the bride to open the first quadrille   
with the best man1 the groom dancing    
with the first bridesmaid4 ,it is not1  
however1 very customary for a bride to  
dance1 or for dancing to occur at an    
evening wedding1 but it is not a bad old
 custom4  ,after the bridal pair return 
from their wedding-tour1 the bridesmaids
 each give them a dinner or a party1 or 
show some attention1 if they are so     
situated that they can do so4 ,the      

members of the two families1 also1 each 
give a dinner to the young couple4  ,it 
is now a very convenient and pleasant   
custom for the bride to announce with   
her wedding-cards two or more reception 
days during the winter after her        
marriage1 on which her friends can call 
upon her4 ,the certainty of finding a   
bride at home is very pleasing4 ,on     
these occasions she does not wear her   
wedding-dress1 but receives as if she   
had entered society as one of its       
members4 ,the wedding trappings are all 
put away1 and she wears a dark silk1    
which may be as handsome as she chooses4
 ,as for wearing her wedding-dress to   
balls or dinners after her marriage1 it 
is perfectly proper to do so1 if she    
divests herself of her veil and her     
orange-blossoms4  ,the bride should be  
very attentive and conciliatory to all  
her husband's friends1 ,they will look  
with interest upon her from the moment  
they hear of the engagement1 and it is  
in the worst taste for her to show      

indifference to them4  ,quiet weddings1 
either in church or at the house1 are   
very much preferred by some families4   
,indeed1 the ,french1 from whom we have 
learned many--and might learn           
more--lessons of grace and good taste1  
infinitely prefer them4  ,for a quiet   
wedding the bride dresses in a          
travelling dress and bonnet1 and departs
 for her wedding-tour4 ,it is the custom
 in ,england1 as we have said1 for the  
bride and groom to drive off in their   
own carriage1 which is dressed with     
white ribbons1 the coach-man and groom  
wearing white bouquets1 and favors      
adorning the horses' ears1 and for them 
to take a month's honeymoon4 ,there also
 the bride 7if she be ,hannah           
,rothschild or the ,baroness            
,burdett-,coutts7 gives her bridesmaids 
very elegant presents1 as a locket or a 
bracelet1 while the groom gives the best
 man a scarf-pin or some gift4 ,the     
,american custom is not so universal4   
,however1 either bride or groom gives   

something to the bridesmaid and a       
scarf-pin to each usher4 ,thus a wedding
 becomes a very expensive and elaborate 
affair1 which quiet and economical      
people are sometimes obliged to avoid4  
,after the marriage invitations are     
issued1 the lady does not appear in     
public4  ,the period of card-leaving    
after a wedding is not yet definitely   
fixed4 ,some authorities say ten days1  
but that in a crowded city1 and with an 
immense acquaintance1 would be quite    
impossible4  ,if only invited to the    
church1 many ladies consider that they  
perform their whole duty by leaving a   
card sometime during the winter1 and    
including the young couple in their     
subsequent invitations4 ,very rigorous  
people call1 however1 within ten days1  
and if invited to the house1 the call is
 still more imperative1 and should be   
made soon after the wedding4  ,but if a 
young couple do not send their future   
address1 but only invite one to a       
church-wedding1 there is often a very   

serious difficulty in knowing where to  
call1 and the first visit must be       
indefinitely postponed until they send  
cards notifying their friends of their  
whereabouts4  ,wedding invitations      
require no answer4 ,but people living at
 a distance1 who cannot attend the      
wedding1 should send their cards by     
mail1 to assure the hosts that the      
invitation has been received4 ,the usual
 form for wedding-cards is this3    ,mr4
 and ,mrs4 ,theodore ,chapman   request 
your presence at the   marriage of their
 daughter1 on ,wednesday evening1       
,november fourth1 at eight o'clock4     
,grace ,church4  ,the card of the young 
lady1 that of her intended husband1 and 
another card to the favored--    ,at    
,home   after the ceremony1   #g ,east  
,market ,street--  is also enclosed4    
,people with a large acquaintance cannot
 always invite all their friends1 of    
course1 to a wedding reception1 and     
therefore invite all to the church4     
,sometimes people who are to give a     

small wedding at home request an answer 
to the wedding invitation2 in that case1
 of course1 an answer should be sent1   
and people should be very careful not to
 ignore these flattering invitations4   
,any carelessness is inexcusable when so
 important an event is on the tapis4    
,bridesmaids1 if prevented by illness or
 sudden bereavement from officiating1   
should notify the bride as soon as      
possible1 as it is a difficult thing    
after a bridal cortge is arranged to    
reorganize it4  ,as to the wedding-tour1
 it is no longer considered obligatory1 
nor is the seclusion of the honey-moon  
demanded4 ,a very fashionable girl who  
married an ,englishman last summer at   
,newport returned in three days to take 
her own house at ,newport1 and to       
receive and give out invitations4 ,if   
the newly married pair thus begin       
house-keeping in their own way1 they    
generally issue a few ,at ,home cards1  
and thereby open an easy door for future
 hospitalities4 ,certainly the once     

perfunctory bridal tour is no longer    
deemed essential1 and the more sensible 
fashion exists of the taking of a       
friend's house a few miles out of town  
for a month4  ,if the bridal pair go to 
a watering-place during their early     
married days1 they should be very       
careful of outward display of           
tenderness4  ,such exhibitions in the   
cars or in public places as one often   
sees1 of the bride laying her head on   
her husband's shoulder1 holding hands1  
or kissing1 are at once vulgar and      
indecent4 ,all public display of an     
affectionate nature should be sedulously
 avoided4 ,the affections are too sacred
 for such outward showing1 and the      
lookers-on are in a very disagreeable   
position4 ,the ,french call love-making 
l'444444 deux1 and no egotism is        
agreeable4 ,people who see a pair of    
young doves cooing in public are apt to 
say that a quarrel is not far off4 ,it  
is possible for a lover to show every   
attention1 every assiduity1 and not to  

overdo his demonstrations4 ,it is quite 
possible for the lady to be fond of her 
husband without committing the slightest
 offence against good taste4  ,the young
 couple are not expected1 unless        
,fortune has been exceptionally kind1 to
 be immediately responsive in the matter
 of entertainments4 ,the outer world is 
only too happy to entertain them4       
,nothing can be more imprudent than for 
a young couple to rush into expenditures
 which may endanger their future        
happiness and peace of mind1 nor should 
they feel that they are obliged at once 
to return the dinners and the parties   
given to them4 ,the time will come1     
doubtless1 when they will be able to do 
so4  ,but the announcement of a day on  
which the bride will receive her friends
 is almost indispensable4 ,the          
refreshments on these occasions should  
not exceed tea and cake1 or1 at the     
most1 punch1 tea1 chocolate1 and cakes1 
which may stand on a table at one end of
 the room1 or may be handed by a waiter4

 ,bouillon1 on a cold day of winter1 is 
also in order1 and is perhaps the most  
serviceable of all simple refreshments4 
,for in giving a four-o'clock tea1 or   
several day receptions1 a large         
entertainment is decidedly vulgar4      
,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,gold1 ,,silver1 ,,and
 ,,tin ,,weddings4  ,very few people    
have the golden opportunity of living   
together for fifty years in the holy    
estate of matrimony4 ,when they have    
overcome in so great a degree the many  
infirmities of the flesh1 and the common
 incompatibility of tempers1 they       
deserve to be congratulated1 and to have
 a wedding festivity which shall be as  
ceremonious as the first one1 and twice 
as impressive4 ,but what shall we give  
them8  ,the gifts of gold must be       
somewhat circumscribed1 and therefore   
the injunction1 so severe and so        
unalterable1 which holds good at tin and
 silver weddings1 that no presents must 
be given of any other metal than that   
designated by the day1 does not hold    

good at a golden wedding4 ,a card       
printed in gold letters1 announcing that
 ,john ,anderson and ,mary ,brown were  
married1 for instance1 in #ahcj1 and    
will celebrate their golden wedding in  
#ahhj1 is generally the only golden     
manifestation4 ,one of the cards        
recently issued reads in this way3      
#ahca4   #ahha4    ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john 
,anderson1   ,at ,home ,november        
twenty-first1 #ahha1   ,golden ,wedding1
   #ag ,carmichael ,street1 at eight    
o'clock4  ,all done in gold1 on white1  
thick ,english paper1 that is nearly all
 the exhibition of gold necessary at a  
golden wedding1 unless some friend gives
 the aged bride a present of jewellery4 
,the bride receives her children and    
grandchildren dressed in some article   
which she wore at her first wedding1 if 
any remain4 ,sometimes a veil1 or a     
handkerchief1 or a fan1 scarcely ever   
the whole dress1 has lasted fifty years1
 and she holds a bouquet of white       
flowers4 ,a wedding-cake is prepared    

with a ring in it1 and on the frosting  
is the date1 and the monogram of the    
two1 who have lived together so long4   
,these golden weddings are apt to be    
sad4 ,it is not well for the old to keep
 anniversaries--too many ghosts come to 
the feast4 ,still1 if people are happy  
enough to wish to do so1 there can be no
 harm in it4 ,their surroundings may    
possibly surpass their fondest dreams1  
but as it regards themselves1 the       
contrast is painful4 ,they have little  
in common with bridal joys1 and unless  
it is the wish of some irrepressible    
descendant1 few old couples care to     
celebrate the golden wedding save in    
their hearts4 ,if they have started at  
the foot of the ladder1 and have risen1 
they may not wish to remember their     
early struggles2 if they have started   
high1 and have gradually sunk into      
poverty or ill health1 they certainly do
 not wish to photograph those better    
days by the fierce light of an          
anniversary1 ,it is only the very       

exceptionally good1 happy1 and serene   
people who can afford to celebrate a    
golden wedding4  ,far otherwise with the
 silver wedding1 which comes in this    
country while people are still young1 in
 the very prime of life1 ,with much     
before them1 and when to stop midway to 
take an account of one's friends and    
one's blessings is a wise and a pleasant
 thing4 ,the cards are issued1 printed  
in silver1 somewhat in this style3      
#ahef4   #ahha4  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,carter 
request the pleasure of your company on 
,wednesday1 ,october the twenty-seventh1
 at eight o'clock4 ,silver ,wedding4    
,john ,carter4   ,sarah ,smith4  ,such1 
at least1 is one form4 ,many people do  
not1 however1 add their names at the    
end2 while1 again1 some go even farther2
 and transcribe the marriage notice from
 the newspaper of the period4  ,gifts of
 silver being comparatively inexpensive1
 and always useful1 almost all friends  
who are invited send a gift of          
silver-ware1 marked ,silver ,wedding or1

 still better1 marked with an           
appropriate motto1 and the initials of  
the pair1 engraved in a true-lover's    
knot4  ,in old ,dutch silver these      
pretty monograms and the lover's knot   
are very common4 ,this was probably put 
upon the original wedding silver1 and we
 know that the art was studied by such  
men as ,albrecht ,drer1 ,benvenuto      
,cellini1 and ,rubens1 for we find among
 their drawings many monograms and such 
devices4 ,it adds very much to the      
beauty of a piece of silver to bear such
 engraving1 and it is always well to add
 a motto1 or a posy1 as the bid phrase  
has it1 thus investing the gift with a  
personal interest1 in our absence of    
armorial bearings4 ,since many pretty   
ornaments come in silver1 it is possible
 to vary the gifts by sometimes         
presenting flacons 7a pendant flacon for
 the chatelaine3 some very artistic     
things come in this pretty ornament now1
 with colored plaques representing      
antique figures1 etc474 ,sometimes a    

costly intaglio is sunk in silver and   
set as a pin4 ,clocks of silver1        
bracelets1 statuary in silver1          
necklaces1 picture-frames1 and filigree 
pendants hanging to silver necklaces    
which resemble pearls2 beautiful        
jewel-cases and boxes for the toilet2   
dressing-cases well furnished with      
silver2 hand-mirrors set in fretted     
silver2 bracelets1 pendant seals1 and   
medallions in high relief--all come now 
for gifts in the second precious metal4 
,a very pretty gift was designed by a   
young artist for his mother on the      
celebration of her silver wedding4 ,it  
was a monogram and love-knot after the  
fashion of the seventeenth century1 and 
made1 when joined1 a superb belt-clasp1 
each little ornament of the relief      
repeating the two dates4 ,mantle clasps 
of solid silver ornamented with precious
 stones1 and known in the ,middle ,ages 
as fermillets1 are pretty presents1 and 
these ornaments can be also enriched    
with gold and enamel without losing     

their silver character4 ,chimerical     
animals and floral ornaments are often  
used in enriching these agrafes4        
,mirrors set in silver are very handsome
 for the toilet-table2 also1 brushes and
 combs can be made of it4 ,all silver is
 apt to tarnish1 but a dip in water and 
ammonia cleans it at once1 and few      
people now like the white foamy silver2 
that which has assumed a gray tint is   
much more admired4 ,indeed1 artistic    
jewellers have introduced the hammered  
silver1 which looks like an old tin     
teapot1 and to the admirers of the real 
silver tint is very ugly2 but it renders
 the wearing of a silver chtelaine very 
much easier1 for the chains and         
ornaments which a lady now wears on her 
belt are sure to grow daily into the    
fashion4 ,silver parasol handles are    
also very fashionable4 ,we have enlarged
 upon this subject of gifts of silver in
 answer to several questions as to what 
it is proper to give at a silver        
wedding4 ,of course the wealthy can send

 pitchers1 vases1 vegetable dishes1 soup
 tureens1 and waiters4 ,all the         
beautiful things which are now made by  
our silversmiths are tempting to the    
purse4 ,there are also handsome silver  
necklaces1 holding old and rare coins1  
and curious watches of silver1          
resembling fruits1 nuts1 and animals4   
,the farther back we go in the history  
of silver-ware1 the better models we are
 sure to obtain4  ,as for the           
entertainment1 it includes the          
inevitable cake1 of course1 and the     
bride puts the knife into it as she did 
twenty-five years ago4 ,the ring is     
eagerly sought for4 ,then a large and   
plentiful repast is offered1 exactly    
like that of any reception-table4       
,champagne is in order1 healths are     
drunk1 and speeches made at most of     
these silver weddings4  ,particularly   
delightful are silver weddings which are
 celebrated in the country1 especially  
if the house is large enough to hold a  
number of guests4 ,then many a custom   

can be observed of peculiar significance
 and friendliness2 everybody can help to
 prepare the feast1 decorate the house  
with flowers1 and save the bride from   
those tearful moments which come with   
any retrospect4 ,all should try to make 
the scene a merry one1 for there is no  
other reason for its celebration4  ,tin 
weddings1 which occur after ten years   
have passed over two married heads1 are 
signals for a general frolic4 ,not only 
are the usual tin utensils which can be 
used for the kitchen and household      
purposes offered1 but fantastic designs 
and ornaments are gotten up for the     
purpose of raising a laugh4 ,one young  
bride received a handsome check from her
 father-in-law1 who labelled it ,tin1   
and sent it to her in a tin pocket-book 
elaborately constructed for the purpose4
 ,one very pretty tin fender was        
constructed for the fireplace of        
another1 and was not so ugly4 ,a tin    
screen1 tin chandeliers1 tin fans1 and  
tin tables have been offered4 ,if these 

serve no other purpose1 they do         
admirably for theatrical properties     
later1 if the family like private plays1
 etc41 at home4  ,wooden weddings occur 
after five years of marriage1 and afford
 the bride much refurnishing of the     
kitchen1 and nowadays some beautiful    
presents of wood-carving4 ,the wooden   
wedding1 which was begun in jest with a 
step-ladder and a rolling-pin several   
years ago1 now threatens to become a    
very splendid anniversary indeed1 since 
the art of carving in wood is so        
popular1 and so much practised by men   
and women4 ,every one is ready for a    
carved box1 picture-frame1 screen1      
sideboard1 chair1 bureau1               
dressing-table1 crib1 or bedstead4 ,let 
no one be afraid to offer a bit of wood 
artistically carved4 ,everything is in  
order but wooden nutmegs2 they are ruled
 out4  ,at one of the golden weddings of
 the ,rothschilds we read of such       
presents as a solid gold dinner service2
 a chased cup of ,benvenuto ,cellini in 

solid gold1 enriched with precious      
stones2 a box1 with cover of gold1 in   
the early ,renaissance1 with head of    
,marie de ,medicis in oxidized gold2 of 
rings from ,cyprus1 containing sapphires
 from the tombs of the ,crusaders2 of   
solid crystals cut in drinking cups1    
with handles of gold2 of jade goblets   
set in gold saucers2 of singing-birds in
 gold2 and of toilet appliances1 all in 
solid gold1 not to speak of chains1     
rings1 etc4 ,this is luxury1 and as such
 to be commended to those who can afford
 it4 ,but it must entail great          
inconvenience4 ,gold is so valuable that
 a small piece of it goes a great way1  
and even a ,rothschild would not like to
 leave out a gold dressing-case1 lest it
 might tempt the most honest of         
waiting-women4  ,no doubt some of our   
millionaire ,americans can afford such  
golden wedding-presents1 but of course  
they are rare1 and even if common1 would
 be less in keeping than some less      
magnificent gifts4 ,our republican      

simplicity would be outraged and shocked
 at seeing so much coin of the realm    
kept out of circulation4  ,there are1   
however1 should we wish to make a       
present to a bride of fifty years'      
standing1 many charming bits of gold    
jewellery very becoming1 very artistic1 
and not too expensive for a moderate    
purse4 ,there are the delicate          
productions of ,castellani1 the gold and
 enamel of ,venice1 the gold-work of    
several different colors which has      
become so artistic2 there are the modern
 antiques1 copied from the ,phoenician  
jewellery found at ,cyprus--these made  
into pins for the cap1 pendants for the 
neck1 rings and bracelets1 boxes for the
 holding of small sweetmeats1 so        
fashionable many years ago1 are pretty  
presents for an elderly lady4 ,for a    
gentleman it is more difficult to find  
souvenirs4 ,we must acknowledge that it 
is always difficult to select a present 
for a gentleman4 ,unless he has as many 
feet as ,briareus had hands1 or unless  

he is a centipede1 he cannot wear all   
the slippers given to him2 and the      
shirt-studs and sleeve-buttons are      
equally burdensome4 ,rings are now      
fortunately in fashion1 and can be as   
expensive as one pleases4 ,but one      
almost regrets the disuse of snuff1 as  
that gave occasion for many beautiful   
boxes4 ,it would be difficult to find1  
however1 such gold snuffboxes as were   
once handed round among monarchs and    
among wealthy snuffers4 ,the giving of  
wedding-presents has had to endure many 
changes since its first beginning1 which
 was a wise and generous desire to help 
the young pair to begin house-keeping4  
,it has become now an occasion of       
ostentation4 ,so with the gifts at the  
gold and silver weddings4 ,they have    
almost ceased to be friendly offerings1 
and are oftener a proof of the giver's  
wealth than of his love4  ,no wonder    
that some delicate-minded people1       
wishing to celebrate their silver       
wedding1 cause a line to be printed on  

their invitations1 ,no presents         
received4  ,foreigners have a beautiful 
custom1 which we have not1 of           
remembering every fte day1 every        
birthday1 every saint's day1 in a       
friend's calendar4 ,a bouquet1 a present
 of fruit1 a kind note1 a little        
celebration which costs nothing1 occurs 
in every family on papa's birthday or   
mamma's fte day4 ,but as we have nothing
 of that sort1 and as most people prefer
 that1 as in the case of the hero of the
 ,pirates1 a birthday shall only come   
once in four years1 it is well for us to
 celebrate the tin1 silver1 and golden  
weddings4  ,the twentieth anniversary of
 one's wedding is never celebrated4 ,it 
is considered very unlucky to do so4    
,the ,scotch think one or the other will
 die within the year if the twentieth   
anniversary is even alluded to4         
,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,the ,,etiquette ,,of  
,,balls4  ,a hostess must not use the   
word ball on her invitation-cards4 ,she 
may say1  ,mrs4 ,john ,brown requests   

the pleasure of the company of  ,mr4 and
 ,mrs4 ,amos ,smith  on ,thursday       
evening1 ,november twenty-second1  at   
nine o'clock4  ,dancing4   ,r4,s4,v4,p4 
,or1  ,mrs4 ,john ,brown  ,at ,home     
,thursday evening1 ,november            
twenty-second1  at nine o'clock4        
,cotillion at ten4   ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p4    
,but she should not indicate further the
 purpose of her party4 ,in ,new ,york1  
where young ladies are introduced to    
society by means of a ball at           
,delmonico's1 the invitation is         
frequently worded1  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,amos
 ,smith request the pleasure of your    
company  ,thursday evening1 ,november   
twenty-second1  at nine o'clock4        
,delmonico' s4  ,the card of the young  
dbutante is sometimes 7although not     
always7 enclosed4  ,if these invitations
 are sent to new acquaintances1 or to   
strangers in town1 the card of the      
gentleman is enclosed to gentlemen1 that
 of both the gentleman and his wife to  
ladies and gentlemen1 if it is a first  

invitation4  ,a ballroom should be very 
well lighted1 exceedingly well          
ventilated1 and very gayly dressed4 ,it 
is the height of the gayety of the day2 
and although dinner calls for handsome  
dress1 a ball demands it4 ,young persons
 of slender figure prefer light1        
diaphanous dresses2 the chaperons can   
wear heavy velvet and brocade4 ,jewels  
are in order4 ,a profusion of flowers in
 the hands of the women should add their
 brightness and perfume to the rooms4   
,the great number of bouquets sent to a 
dbutante is often embarrassing4 ,the    
present fashion is to have them hung1 by
 different ribbons1 on the arm1 so that 
they look as if almost a trimming to the
 dress4  ,gentlemen who have not        
selected partners before the ball come  
to their hostess and ask to be presented
 to ladies who will dance with them4 ,as
 a hostess cannot leave her place while 
receiving1 and people come at all hours 
to a ball1 she generally asks two or    
three well-known society friends to     

receive with her1 who will take this    
part of her duty off her hands1 for no  
hostess likes to see wall-flowers at her
 ball3 she wishes all her young people  
to enjoy themselves4 ,well-bred young   
men always say to the hostess that they 
beg of her to introduce them to ladies  
who may be without partners1 as they    
would gladly make themselves useful to  
her4 ,after dancing with a lady1 and    
walking about the room with her for a   
few times1 a gentleman is at perfect    
liberty to take the young lady back to  
her chaperon and plead another          
engagement4  ,a great drawback to balls 
in ,america is the lack of convenience  
for those who wish to remain seated4 ,in
 ,europe1 where the elderly are first   
considered1 seats are placed around the 
room1 somewhat high1 for the chaperons1 
and at their feet sit the debutantes4   
,these red-covered sofas1 in two tiers1 
as it were1 are brought in by the       
upholsterer 7as we hire chairs for the  
crowded musicales or readings so common 

in large cities71 and are very          
convenient4 ,it is strange that all     
large halls are not furnished with them1
 as they make every one comfortable at  
very little expense1 and add to the     
appearance of the room4 ,a row of       
well-dressed ladies1 in velvet1 brocade1
 and diamonds1 some with white hair1    
certainly forms a very distinguished    
background for those who sit at their   
feet4  ,supper is generally served all  
the evening from a table on which       
flowers1 fruits1 candelabra1 silver1 and
 glass are displayed1 and which is      
loaded with hot oysters1 boned turkey1  
salmon1 game pts1 salads1 ices1 jellies1
 and fruits1 from the commencement of   
the evening4 ,a hot supper1 with        
plentiful cups of bouillon1 is served   
again for those who dance the german4   
,but if the hostess so prefer1 the      
supper is not served until she gives the
 word1 when her husband leads the way   
with the most distinguished lady        
present1 the rest of the company        

following4 ,the hostess rarely goes in  
to supper until every one has been      
served4 ,she takes the opportunity of   
walking about her ballroom to see if    
every one is happy and attended to4 ,if 
she does go to supper1 it is in order to
 accompany some distinguished           
guest--like the ,president1 for         
instance4 ,this is1 however1 a point    
which may be left to the tact of the    
hostess4  ,a young lady is not apt to   
forget her ballroom engagements1 but she
 should be sure not to do so4 ,she must 
be careful not to offend one gentleman  
by refusing to dance with him1 and then 
accepting the offer of another4 ,such   
things1 done by frivolous girls1 injure 
a young man's feelings unnecessarily1   
and prove that the young lady has not   
had the training of a gentlewoman4 ,a   
young man should not forget if he has   
asked a young lady for the german4 ,he  
must send her a bouquet1 and be on hand 
to dance with her4 ,if kept away by     
sickness1 or a death in his family1 he  

must send her a note before the         
appointed hour4  ,it is not necessary to
 take leave of your hostess at a ball4  
,all that she requires of you is to bow 
to her on entering1 and to make yourself
 as agreeable and happy as you can while
 in her house4  ,young men are not      
always as polite as they should be at   
balls4 ,they ought1 if well-bred1 to    
look about1 and see if any lady has been
 left unattended at supper1 to ask if   
they can go for refreshments1 if they   
can lead a lady to a seat1 go for a     
carriage1 etc4 ,it is not an            
impertinence for a young man thus to    
speak to a lady older than himself1 even
 if he has not been introduced2 the roof
 is a sufficient introduction for any   
such purpose4  ,the first persons asked 
to dance by the young gentlemen invited 
to a house should be the daughters of   
the house4 ,to them and to their        
immediate relatives and friends must the
 first attentions be paid4  ,it is not  
wise for young ladies to join in every  

dance1 nor should a young chaperon      
dance1 leaving her protege sitting4 ,the
 very bad ,american custom of sending   
several young girls to a ball with a    
very young chaperon--perhaps one of     
their number who has just been          
married--has led to great vulgarity in  
our ,american city life1 not to say to  
that general misapprehension of         
foreigners which offends without        
correcting our national vanity4 ,a      
mother should endeavor to attend balls  
with her daughters1 and to stay as long 
as they do4 ,but many mothers say1 ,we  
are not invited3 there is not room for  
us4 ,then her daughters should not      
accept4 ,it is a very poor ,american    
custom not to invite the mothers4 ,let a
 lady give two or three balls1 if her   
list is so large that she can only      
invite the daughters4 ,if it be         
absolutely necessary to limit the       
invitations1 the father should go with  
the daughters1 for who else is to escort
 them to their carriage1 take care of   

them if they faint1 or look to their    
special or accidental wants8 ,the fact  
that a few established old veterans of  
society insist upon lagging superfluous 
on the stage should not deter ladies who
 entertain from being true to the ideas 
of the best society1 which certainly are
 in favor of chaperonage4  ,a lady      
should not overcrowd her rooms4 ,to put 
five hundred people into a hot room1    
with no chairs to rest in1 and little   
air to breathe1 is to apply a very cruel
 test to friendship4 ,it is this        
impossibility of putting one's five     
hundred dear friends into a narrow house
 which has led to the giving of balls at
 public rooms--an innovation which      
shocked a ,french woman of rank who     
married an ,american4 ,you have no      
safeguard for society in ,america1 she  
observed1 but your homes4 ,no           
aristocracy1 no king1 no courts1 no     
traditions1 but the sacred one of home4 
,now1 do you not run great risks when   
you abandon your homes1 and bring out   

your girls at a hotel8 ,there is        
something in her wise remarks2 and with 
the carelessness of chaperonage in      
cities which are now largely populated  
by irresponsible foreigners the dangers 
increase4  ,the first duty of a         
gentleman on entering a ballroom is to  
make his bow to the lady of the house   
and to her daughters2 he should then    
strive to find his host--a very         
difficult business sometimes4 ,young men
 are to be very much censured1 however1 
who do not find out their host1 and     
insist on being presented to him4       
,paterfamilias in ,america is sometimes 
thought to hold a very insignificant    
place in his own house1 and be good for 
nothing but to draw checks4 ,this is    
indicative of a very low social         
condition1 and no man invited to a      
gentleman's house should leave it until 
he has made his bow to the head thereof4
  ,it is proper for intimate friends to 
ask for invitations for other friends to
 a ball1 particularly for young         

gentlemen who are dancing men4 ,more    
prudence should be exercised in asking  
in behalf of ladies1 but the hostess has
 always the privilege of saying that her
 list is full1 if she does not wish to  
invite her friends' friends4 ,no offence
 should be taken if this refusal be     
given politely4 ,in a majority of       
luxurious houses a tea-room is open from
 the beginning to the end of a ball1    
frequently on the second story1 where   
bouillon1 tea1 coffee1 and macaroons are
 in order1 or a plate of sandwiches1 or 
any such light refreshment1 for those   
who do not wish a heavy supper4 ,a large
 bowl of iced lemonade is also in this  
room--a most grateful refreshment after 
leaving a hot ballroom4  ,the practice  
of putting crash over carpets has proved
 so unhealthy to the dancers1 on account
 of the fine fuzz which rises from it in
 dancing1 that it is now almost wholly  
abandoned2 and parquet floors are       
becoming so common1 and the dancing on  
them is so much more agreeable in every 

way1 that ladies have their heavy parlor
 carpets taken up before a ball rather  
than lay a crash4  ,a smoking-room1 up  
or down stairs1 is set apart for the    
gentlemen1 where1 in some houses1 cigars
 and brandy and effervescent waters are 
furnished4 ,if this provision be not    
made1 it is the height of indelicacy for
 gentlemen to smoke in the              
dressing-rooms4  ,the bad conduct of    
young men at large balls1 where they    
abuse their privileges by smoking1      
getting drunk at supper1 eating         
unreasonably1 blockading the tables1 and
 behaving in an unseemly manner1 even   
coming to blows in the supper-rooms1 has
 been dwelt upon in the annals of the   
past1 which annals ever remain a        
disgrace to the young fashionables of   
any city4 ,happily1 such breaches of    
decorum are now so rare that there is no
 need to touch upon them here4  ,many of
 our correspondents ask the embarrassing
 question1 ,who is it proper to invite  
to a first ball8 ,this is a question    

which cannot be answered in a general   
way4 ,the tact and delicacy of the host 
must decide it4  ,at public balls there 
should be managers1 ushers1 stewards1   
and1 if possible1 a committee of ladies 
to receive4 ,it is very much more       
conducive to the elegance of a ball if  
there be a recognized hostess1 or       
committee of hostesses3 the very aspect 
of the room is thus improved4 ,and to a 
stranger from another city these ladies 
should be hospitable1 taking care that  
she be introduced and treated with      
suitable attention4  ,an awning and     
carpet should be placed at the front    
entrance of a house in which a ball is  
to be given1 to protect the guests      
against the weather and the gaze of the 
crowd of by-standers who always gather  
in a great city to see the well-dressed 
ladies alight4 ,unfortunately1 in a     
heavy rain these awnings are most       
objectionable2 they are not water-proof1
 and as soon as they are thoroughly wet 
they afford no protection whatever4     

,the cotillion styled the ,german was   
first danced by the ,german court just  
after the battle of ,waterloo1 probably 
at the ball at ,aix-la-,chapelle given  
to the allied sovereigns4 ,favors are   
given merely to promote enjoyment and to
 give variety4 ,it is not necessary that
 people be matrimonially engaged to     
dance it4 ,one engages his partner for  
it as for any other dance4 ,it had been 
fashionable in ,europe many years before
 it came to this country1 but has been  
danced here for over forty years1 first 
coming out at ,washington4  ,,chapter   
,,xvi4 ,,fashionable ,,dancing4  ,the   
return to quadrilles at some of the     
latest balls at ,delmonico's in the     
winter of #ahhd was an important epoch  
in the history of dancing1 reiterating  
the well-known proverb of the           
dressmakers that everything comes round 
in fifty years4 ,fashion seems to be    
perennial in this way1 for it is almost 
fifty years--certainly forty--since the 
quadrille was at the height of fashion4 

,in ,germany1 where they dance for      
dancing's sake1 the quadrille was long  
ago voted rococo and stiff4 ,in ,england
 and at court balls it served always as 
a way1 a dignified manner1 for          
sovereigns and people of inconveniently 
high rank to begin a ball1 to open a    
festivity1 and it had a sporadic        
existence in the country and at         
,washington even during the years when  
the ,lancers1 a much livelier dance1 had
 chased it away from the ,new ,york     
balls for a long period of time4  ,the  
quadrille is a stately and a            
conversational dance4 ,the figures are  
accurate1 and every one should know them
 well enough to respond to the voice of 
the leader4 ,but inasmuch as the figures
 are always calling one away from his   
partner1 the first law is to have a     
large supply of small-talk1 so that1 on 
rejoining1 a remark and a smile may make
 up for lost time4 ,a calm1 graceful    
carriage1 the power to make an elegant  
courtesy1 are necessary to a lady4 ,no  

one in these days takes steps2 a sort of
 galop is1 however1 allowed in the rapid
 figures of the quadrille4 ,a defiant   
manner1 sometimes assumed by a bashful  
man1 is out of place1 although there are
 certain figures which make a man feel  
rather defiant4 ,one of these is where  
he is obliged1 as cavalier seul1 to     
advance to three ladies1 who frequently 
laugh at him4 ,then a man should equally
 avoid a boisterous demeanor in a       
quadrille2 not swinging the lady round  
too gayly4 ,it is never a romping dance1
 like the ,virginia reel1 for instance4 
,all people are apt to walk through a   
quadrille slowly1 to music1 until they  
come to the ladies' chain or the        
promenade4 ,it is1 however1 permissible 
to add a little swinging-step and a     
graceful dancing-movement to this       
stately promenade4 ,a quadrille cannot  
go on evenly if any confusion arises    
from the ignorance1 obstinacy1 or       
inattention of one of the dancers4 ,it  
is proper1 therefore1 if ignorant of the

 figures1 to consult a dancing-master   
and to learn them4 ,it is a most        
valuable dance1 as all ages1 sizes1 and 
conditions of men and women can join in 
it4 ,the young1 old1 stout1 thin1 lazy1 
active1 maimed1 or single1 without loss 
of caste1 can dance a quadrille4 ,no one
 looks ridiculous dancing a quadrille4  
,it is decidedly easier than the        
,german1 makes a break in a tte- -tte   
conversation1 and enables a gentleman to
 be polite to a lady who may not be a   
good dancer for waltz or polka4 ,the    
morality of round dances seems now to be
 little questioned4 ,at any rate1 young 
girls in the presence of their mothers  
are not supposed to come to harm from   
their enjoyment4 ,dancing is one of the 
oldest1 the most historical1 forms of   
amusement4 ,even ,socrates learned to   
dance4 ,there is no longer an           
excommunication on the waltz1 that dance
 which ,byron abused4  ,in ,england the 
valse   deux temps is still the most    
fashionable1 as it always will be the   

most beautiful1 of dances4 ,some of the 
critics of all countries have said that 
only ,germans1 ,russians1 and ,americans
 can dance it4 ,the ,germans dance it   
very quickly1 with a great deal of      
motion1 but render it elegant by        
slacking the pace every now and then4   
,the ,russians waltz so quietly1 on the 
contrary1 that they can go round the    
room holding a brimming glass of        
champagne without spilling a drop4 ,this
 evenness in waltzing is very graceful1 
and can only be reached by long         
practice1 a good ear for music1 and a   
natural gracefulness4 ,young ,americans1
 who1 as a rule1 are the best dancers in
 the world1 achieve this step to        
admiration4 ,it is the gentleman's duty 
in any round dance to guide his fair    
companion gracefully2 he must not risk a
 collision or the chance of a fall4 ,a  
lady should never waltz if she feels    
dizzy4 ,it is a sign of disease of the  
heart1 and has brought on death4        
,neither should she step flat-footed1   

and make her partner carry her round2   
but must do her part of the work1 and   
dance lightly and well1 or not at all4  
,then1 again1 neither should her partner
 waltz on the tip of his toes1 nor lift 
his partner too much off the floor2 all 
should be smooth1 graceful1 delicate4   
,the ,american dance of the season is1  
however1 the polka--not the             
old-fashioned heel and toe1 but the     
step1 quick and gay1 of the ,sclavonic  
nationalities4 ,it may be danced slowly 
or quickly4 ,it is always1 however1 a   
spirited step1 and the music is         
undoubtedly pretty4 ,the dancing-masters
 describe the step of a polka as being a
 hop1 three glides1 and a rest1 and the 
music is two-four time4 ,in order to    
apply the step to the music one must    
make it in four-eight time1 counting    
four to each measure of the music1 each 
measure taking about a second of time by
 the watch4 ,the polka redowa and the   
polka mazourka are modifications of this
 step to different times4  ,the galop is

 another fashionable dance this winter4 
,it is very easy1 and is danced to very 
quick music2 it is inspiriting at the   
end of a ball4  ,the minuet de la cour  
was first danced in the ancient province
 of ,poitou1 ,france4 ,in ,paris1 in    
#afec1 ,louis ,,xiv41 who was           
passionately fond of it1 danced it to   
perfection4 ,in #agaj1 ,marcel1 the     
renowned dancing-master1 introduced it  
into ,england4 ,then it went out for    
many years1 until ,queen ,victoria      
revived it at a bal costum at           
,buckingham ,palace in #ahde4 ,in ,new  
,york it was revived and ardently       
practised for ,mrs4 ,w4 ,k4             
,vanderbilt's splendid fancy ball in    
#ahhc1 and it was much admired4 ,there  
seems no reason why the grace1 the      
dignity1 the continuous movement2 the   
courtesy1 the pas grace1 the            
skilfully-managed train1 the play with  
the fan1 should not commend this elegant
 dance to even our republican dancers2  
but it has not been danced this winter4 

,it is possibly too much trouble4 ,a    
dancing-master worked all winter to     
teach it to the performers of the last  
season4  ,to make a courtesy 7or1 as we 
are fond of saying1 a curtsy7 properly  
is a very difficult art1 yet all who    
dance the quadrille must learn it4 ,to  
courtesy to her partner the lady steps  
off with the right foot1 carrying nearly
 all her weight upon it1 at the same    
time raising the heel of the left foot1 
thus placing herself in the second      
position1 facing her partner1 counting  
one4 ,she then glides the left foot     
backward and across till the toe of the 
left foot is directly behind the right  
heel1 the feet about one half of the    
length of the foot apart4 ,this glide   
commences on the ball of the left foot1 
and terminates with both feet flat upon 
the floor1 and the transfer of the      
weight to the backward foot4 ,the       
bending of the knees and the casting    
down of the eyes begin with the         
commencement of the glide with the left 

foot1 and the genuflection is steadily  
continued until the left foot reaches   
the position required1 counting two2    
then1 without changing the weight from  
the backward foot1 she gradually rises1 
at the same time raising the forward    
heel and lifting the eyes1 until she    
recovers her full height1 counting      
three2 and finally transfers the weight 
to the forward foot1 counting four4     
,such is the elaborate and the graceful 
courtesy4 ,it should be studied with a  
master4  ,the ,german 7the ,cotillon1 as
 the ,french call it7 is1 however1 and  
probably long will be1 the most         
fashionable dance in society4 ,it ends  
every ball in ,new ,york1 ,washington1  
,boston1 ,philadelphia1 and ,newport2 it
 is a part of the business of life1 and 
demands consummate skill in its         
leadership4 ,any number may join in it2 
it often reaches twice around a large   
ballroom4 ,all the couples in it are    
regarded as introduced to each other4   
,no lady can refuse to dance with any   

gentleman who is brought to her in the  
,german4 ,so long as she remains in the 
charmed circle she must dance with any  
one in it4 ,therefore the ,german must  
only be introduced at select assemblies1
 not at a public ball4 ,the leader opens
 the ,german by motioning to certain    
couples to make a tour de valse round   
the room4  ,many of our correspondents  
write to ask us what are the latest and 
the favorite figures in the ,german4    
,this is a difficult question to answer1
 as the leader always has his own       
favorite figures4 ,the ,german generally
 begins with l'avant trois double1 which
 may be generally described thus3 the   
leader1 having performed the tour de    
valse with his partner1 leaves her1 and 
brings forward two other ladies2 his    
lady brings forward two other gentlemen2
 the two trios place themselves opposite
 each other1 then forward and back1 and 
each gentleman with the lady in front of
 him performs a tour de valse4 ,should  
the company be large1 two or more       

couples may start together1 each couple 
choosing other ladies and gentlemen in  
the same manner as the first couple4    
,then comes ,la ,chaise after the tour  
de valse4 ,the leader places his partner
 in a chair in the centre of the room2  
he then brings forward two gentlemen and
 presents them to the lady1 who chooses 
one of them1 after which he seats the   
gentleman who is rejected1 and brings to
 him two ladies2 he also selects a      
partner1 and the leader dances with the 
refused lady to her place4 ,this figure 
may be danced by any number of couples4 
,les ,drapeaux is a favorite figure4    
,five or six duplicate sets of small    
flags of national or fancy devices must 
be in readiness4 ,the leader takes a    
flag of each pattern1 and his partner   
takes the duplicate4 ,they perform a    
tour de valse4 ,the conductor then      
presents his flags to five or six       
ladies1 and his partner presents the    
corresponding flags to as many          
gentlemen4 ,the gentlemen then seek the 

ladies having the duplicates1 and with  
them perform a tour de valse1 waving the
 flags as they dance4 ,repeated by all  
the couples4  ,les ,bouquets brings in  
the favors4 ,a number of small bouquets 
and boutonnieres are placed upon a table
 or in a basket4 ,the first couple      
perform a tour de valse2 they then      
separate4 ,the gentleman takes a        
bouquet1 and the lady a boutonniere4    
,they now select new partners1 to whom  
they present the bouquet and            
boutonniere1 the lady attaching the     
boutonniere to the gentleman's coat4    
,they perform a tour de valse with their
 new partners4 ,repeated by all the     
couples4 ,other favors are frequently   
substituted for bouquets and            
boutonnieres1 such as rosettes1         
miniature flags1 artificial butterflies1
 badges1 sashes1 bonbons1 little bells  
7the latter being attached to small     
pieces of ribbon and pinned to the coat 
or dress71 scarf-pins1 bangles1 fans1   
caps1 imitation antique coins1          

breastpins1 lace pins1 lockets2 and even
 gifts of great value1 such as shawls1  
scarfs1 vases1 picture-frames1          
writing-desks1 and chairs 7represented1 
of course1 by tickets7 have been this   
winter introduced in the german4 ,but   
the cheap1 light1 fantastic things are  
the best1 and contribute more to the    
amusement of the company4  ,some of the 
figures of the ,german border on the    
romp4 ,one of these is called ,la       
,corde4 ,a rope is stretched by the     
leading couple across the room1 and the 
gentlemen jump over it to reach their   
partners4 ,much amusement is occasioned 
by the tripping of gentlemen who are    
thrown by the intentional raising of the
 rope4 ,after all have reached their    
partners they perform a tour de valse1  
and regain their seats4 ,this is a      
figure not to be commended4 ,still less 
is the figure called ,les ,masques4 ,the
 gentlemen put on masques resembling    
,bully ,bottom and other grotesque faces
 and heads of animals4 ,they raise these

 heads above a screen1 the ladies       
choosing partners without knowing them2 
the gentlemen remain en masque until the
 termination of the tour de valse4 ,this
 figure was danced at ,delmonico's and  
at the ,brunswick last winter1 and the  
mammas complained that the fun grew     
rather too fast and furious4 ,les       
,rubans is a very pretty figure4 ,six   
ribbons1 each about a yard in length1   
and of various colors1 are attached to  
one end of a stick about twenty-four    
inches in length1 also a duplicate set  
of ribbons1 attached to another stick1  
must be in readiness4 ,the first couple 
perform a tour de valse1 then separate2 
the gentleman takes one set of ribbons1 
and stops successively in front of the  
ladies whom he desires to select to take
 part in the figure2 each of these      
ladies rises and takes hold of the loose
 end of the ribbon2 the first lady takes
 the other set of ribbons1 bringing     
forward the six gentlemen in the same   
manner4 ,the first couple conduct the   

ladies and gentlemen towards each other1
 and each gentleman dances with the lady
 holding the ribbon duplicate of his    
own2 the first gentleman dances with his
 partner4  ,we might go on indefinitely 
with these figures1 but have no more    
space4 ,the position of a dancer should 
be learned with the aid of a teacher4   
,the upper part of the body should be   
quiet2 the head held in a natural       
position1 neither turned to one side nor
 the other2 the eyes neither cast down  
nor up4 ,the gentleman should put his   
arm firmly around a lady's waist1 not   
holding her too close1 but firmly       
holding her right hand with his left    
one2 the lady turns the palm of her     
right hand downward2 her right arm      
should be nearly straight1 but not      
stiff4 ,the gentleman's left arm should 
be slightly bent1 his elbow inclined    
slightly backward4 ,it is very          
inelegant1 however--indeed1 vulgar--to  
place the joined hands against the      
gentleman's side or hip2 they should be 

kept clear of the body4 ,the step should
 be in unison2 if the gentleman bends   
his right elbow too much1 he draws the  
lady's left shoulder against his right1 
thereby drawing the lady too close4 ,the
 gentleman's right shoulder and the     
lady's left should be as far apart as   
the other shoulders4 ,if a gentleman    
does not hold his partner properly1     
thereby causing her either to struggle  
to be free or else to dance wildly for  
want of proper support1 if he permits   
himself and partner to collide with     
other couples1 he cannot be considered a
 good dancer4  ,,chapter ,,xvii4        
,,letters ,,and ,,letter-,,writing4     
,the person who can write a graceful    
note is always spoken of with phrases of
 commendation4 ,the epistolary art is   
said to be especially feminine1 and the 
novelists and essayists are full of     
compliments to the sex1 which is        
alternately praised and objurgated1 as  
man feels well or ill4 ,bulwer says3 ,a 
woman is the genius of epistolary       

communication4 ,even men write better to
 a woman than to one of their own sex4  
,no doubt they conjure up1 while        
writing1 the loving1 listening face1 the
 tender1 pardoning heart1 the ready tear
 of sympathy1 and passionate confidences
 of heart and brain flow rapidly from   
the pen4 ,but there is no such thing now
 as an epistolary style4 ,our immediate 
ancestors wrote better and longer       
letters than we do4 ,they covered three 
pages of large letter-paper with        
crow-quill handwriting1 folded the paper
 neatly1 tucked one edge beneath the    
other 7for there were no envelopes71 and
 then sealed it with a wafer or with    
sealing-wax4 ,to send one of these      
epistles was expensive--twenty-five     
cents from ,new ,york to ,boston4       
,however1 the electric telegraph and    
cheap postage and postal-cards may have 
been said1 in a way1 to have ruined     
correspondence in the old sense2 lovers 
and fond mothers doubtless still write  
long letters1 but the business of the   

letter-writer proper is at an end4 ,the 
writing of notes has1 however1          
correspondingly increased2 and the last 
ten years have seen a profuse           
introduction of emblazoned crest and    
cipher1 pictorial design1 and elaborate 
monogram in the corners of ordinary     
note-paper4 ,the old illuminated missal 
of the monks1 the fancy of the          
,japanese1 the ever-ready taste of the  
,french1 all have been exhausted to     
satisfy that always hungry caprice which
 calls for something new4  ,the         
frequency with which notes upon business
 and pleasure must fly across a city and
 a continent has done away1 also1 with  
the sealing-wax1 whose definite1 red1   
clear1 oval was a fixture with our      
grandfathers1 and which is still the    
only elegant1 formal1 and ceremonious   
way acknowledged in ,england1 of sealing
 a letter4  ,there were1 however1       
serious objections to the use of wax in 
this country1 which were discovered     
during the early voyages to ,california4

 ,the intense heat of the ,isthmus of   
,panama melted the wax1 and letters were
 irretrievably glued together1 to the   
loss of the address and the confusion of
 the postmaster4 ,so the glued          
envelope--common1 cheap1 and            
necessary--became the almost prevailing 
fashion for all notes as well as        
letters4  ,the taste for colored        
note-paper with flowers in the corner   
was common among the belles of thirty   
years ago--the rose-colored and scented 
billet-doux is often referred to in the 
novels of that period4 ,but colored     
note-paper fell into disuse long ago1   
and for the last few years we have not  
seen the heavy tints4 ,a few pale       
greens1 grays1 blues1 and lilacs have1  
indeed1 found a place in fashionable    
stationery1 and a deep coffee-colored1  
heavy paper had a little run about three
 years ago2 but at the present moment no
 color that is appreciable is considered
 stylish1 unless it be cru1 which is    
only a creamy white4  ,a long truce is  

at last bidden to the fanciful1         
emblazoned1 and colored monogram2 the   
crest and cipher are laid on the shelf1 
and ladies have simply the address of   
their city residence1 or the name of    
their country place1 printed in one     
corner 7generally in color71 or1 latest 
device of fashion1 a fac-simile of their
 initials1 carefully engraved1 and      
dashed across the corner of the         
note-paper4 ,the day of the week1 also  
copied from their own handwriting1 is   
often impressed upon the square cards   
now so much in use for short notes1 or  
on the note-paper4  ,there is one       
fashion which has never changed1 and    
will never change1 which is always in   
good taste1 and which1 perhaps1 would be
 to-day the most perfect of all styles1 
and that is1 good1 plain1 thick1        
,english notepaper1 folded square1 put  
in a square envelope1 and sealed with   
red sealing-wax which bears the imprint 
of the writer's coat of arms4 ,no one   
can make any mistake who uses such      

stationery as this in any part of the   
world4 ,on such paper and in such form  
are ambassadors' notes written2 on such 
paper and in such style would the       
,princess ,louise write her notes4      
,however1 there is no law against the   
monogram4 ,many ladies still prefer it1 
and always use the paper which has      
become familiar to their friends4 ,it   
is1 however1 a past rather than a       
present fashion4  ,the plan of having   
all the note-paper marked with the      
address is an admirable one1 for it     
effectually reminds the person who      
receives the note where the answer      
should be sent--information of which    
some ladies forget the importance1 and  
which should always be written1 if not  
printed1 at the head of a letter4 ,it   
also gives a stylish finish to the      
appearance of the note-paper1 is simple1
 unpretending1 and useful4  ,the ink    
should invariably be black4 ,from the   
very superior1 lasting qualities of a   
certain purple fluid1 which never became

 thick in the inkstand1 certain ladies1 
a few years ago1 used the purple and    
lilac inks very much4 ,but they are not 
elegant2 they are not in fashion2 the   
best note-writers do not use them4 ,the 
plain black ink1 which gives the written
 characters great distinctness1 is the  
only fashionable medium4  ,every lady   
should study to acquire an elegant1     
free1 and educated hand2 there is       
nothing so useful1 so sure to commend   
the writer everywhere1 as such a        
chirography2 while a cramped1 poor1     
slovenly1 uneducated1 unformed          
handwriting is sure to produce the      
impression upon the reader that those   
qualities are more or less indicative of
 the writer's character4 ,the angular   
,english hand is at present the fashion1
 although less legible and not more     
beautiful than the round hand4 ,we      
cannot enter into that great question as
 to whether or not handwriting is       
indicative of character2 but we hold    
that a person's notes are generally     

characteristic1 and that a neat1        
flowing1 graceful hand1 and a clean     
sheet1 free from blots1 are always      
agreeable to the eye4 ,the writer of    
notes1 also1 must carefully discriminate
 between the familiar note and the note 
of ceremony1 and should learn how to    
write both4  ,custom demands that we    
begin all notes in the first person1    
with the formula of ,my dear ,mrs4      
,smith1 and that we close with the      
expressions1 ,yours cordially1 ,yours   
with much regard1 etc4 ,the laws of     
etiquette do not permit us to use       
numerals1 as #c1 #d1 #e1 but demand that
 we write out three1 four1 five4 ,no    
abbreviations are allowed in a note to a
 friend1 as1 ,sd be glad to see you2 one
 must write out1 ,i should be glad to   
see you4 ,the older letter-writers were 
punctilious about writing the first word
 of the page below the last line of the 
page preceding it4 ,the date should     
follow the signing of the name4  ,a     
great and very common mistake existing  

among careless letter-writers is the    
confusion of the first and third        
persons2 as a child would write1 ,miss  
,lucy ,clark will be happy to come to   
dinner1 but ,i am going somewhere else4 
,this is1 of course1 wildly ignorant and
 improper4  ,a note in answer to an     
invitation should be written in the     
third person1 if the invitation be in   
the third person4 ,no abbreviations1 no 
visible hurry1 but an elaborate and     
finished ceremony should mark such      
epistles4 ,for instance1 an acceptance  
of a dinner invitation must be written  
in this form3  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,cadogan  
have great pleasure in accepting the    
polite invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4     
,sutherland for dinner on the           
seventeenth inst41 at seven o'clock4 #ah
 ,lombard ,square4 ,july sixth4  ,one   
lady in ,new ,york was known to answer a
 dinner invitation simply with the      
words1 ,come with pleasure4 ,it is      
unnecessary to add that she was never   
invited again4  ,it is impossible to    

give persons minute directions as to the
 style of a note1 for that must be the  
outgrowth of years of careful education1
 training1 and good mental powers4 ,to  
write a pretty note is also somewhat of 
a gift4 ,some young men and young girls 
find it very easy1 others can scarcely  
acquire the power4 ,it is1 however1     
absolutely necessary to strive for it4  
,in the first place1 arrange your ideas1
 know what you want to say1 and approach
 the business of writing a note with a  
certain thoughtfulness4 ,if it is       
necessary to write it hastily1 summon   
all your powers of mind1 and try to make
 it brief1 intelligible1 and            
comprehensive4  ,above all things1 spell
 correctly4 ,a word badly spelled stands
 out like a blot on a familiar or a     
ceremonious note4  ,do not send a       
blurred1 blotted1 slovenly note to any  
one2 it will remain to call up a certain
 prejudice against you in the mind of   
the recipient4 ,the fashion is not now1 
as it once was1 imperative that a margin

 be left around the edge of the paper4  
,people now write all over the paper1   
and thus abolish a certain elegance     
which the old letters undoubtedly       
possessed4 ,but postage is a            
consideration1 and all we can ask of the
 youthful letter-writers is that they   
will not cross their letters4 ,plaid    
letters are the horror of all people who
 have not the eyes of a hawk4  ,no      
letter or note should be written on     
ruled paper4 ,to do so is both inelegant
 and unfashionable1 and savors of the   
school-room4 ,every young person should 
learn to write without lines4  ,the     
square cards are much used1 and are     
quite large enough for the transmission 
of all that a lady ordinarily wishes to 
say in giving or accepting an           
invitation4 ,the day of the week and the
 address are often printed on the card4 
,square envelopes have also driven the  
long ones from the table of the elegant 
note-writer1 and the custom of closing  
all ceremonious notes with sealing-wax  

is still adhered to by the most         
fastidious4 ,it would be absurd1        
however1 to say that it is nearly as    
common as the more convenient habit of  
moistening the gummed envelope1 but it  
is far more elegant1 and every young    
person should learn how to seal a note  
properly4 ,to get a good impression from
 an engraved stone seal1 anoint it      
lightly with linseed-oil1 to keep the   
wax from adhering2 then dust it with    
rouge powder to take off the gloss1 and 
press it quickly1 but firmly1 on the    
melted wax4  ,dates and numerical       
designations1 such as the number of a   
house1 may be written in ,arabic        
figures1 but quantities should be       
expressed in words4 ,few abbreviations  
are respectful4 ,a married lady should  
always be addressed with the prefix of  
her husband's ,christian name4  ,in this
 country1 where we have no titles1 it is
 the custom to abbreviate everything    
except the title of ,reverend1 which we 
always give to the clergy4 ,but it would

 be better if we made a practice of     
giving to each person his special title1
 and to all returned ambassadors1       
members of ,congress1 and members of the
 ,legislature the title of ,honorable4  
,the ,roman ,catholic clergy and the    
bishops of the ,episcopal and ,methodist
 churches should be addressed by their  
proper titles1 and a note should be1    
like a salutation1 infused with respect4
 ,it honors the writer and the person to
 whom it is written1 while a careless   
letter may injure both4  ,,chapter      
,,xviii4 ,,costly ,,thy ,,habit4  ,we   
are often asked as to the appropriate   
dress to be worn at afternoon tea1 at   
balls1 at dinners1 christenings1 etc4   
,neatness and simple elegance should    
always characterize a lady1 and after   
that she may be as expensive as she     
pleases1 if only at the right time4 ,and
 we may say here that simplicity and    
plainness characterize many a rich woman
 in a high place2 and one can always    
tell a real lady from an imitation one  

by her style of dress4 ,vulgarity is    
readily seen even under a costly        
garment4 ,there should be harmony and   
fitness1 and suitability as to age and  
times and seasons4 ,every one can avoid 
vulgarity and slovenliness2 and in these
 days1 when the fashions travel by      
telegraph1 one can be   la mode4        
,french women have a genius for dress4  
,an old or a middle-aged woman          
understands how to make the best of     
herself in the assorting and harmonizing
 of colors2 she never commits the       
mistake of making herself too youthful4 
,in our country we often see an old     
woman bedizened like a ,figurante1      
imagining that she shall gain the graces
 of youth by borrowing its garments4    
,all this aping of youthful dress       
multiplies the wrinkles of old age1 and 
makes its decay more conspicuous4  ,for 
balls in this country1 elderly women are
 not expected to go in low neck unless  
they wish to1 so that the chaperon can  
wear a dress such as she would wear at a

 dinner--either a velvet or brocade1 cut
 in ,pompadour shape1 with a profusion  
of beautiful lace4 ,all her ornaments   
should match in character1 and she      
should be as unlike her charge as       
possible4 ,the young girls look best in 
light gossamer material1 in tulle1      
crepe1 or tarlatan1 in pale light colors
 or in white1 while an elderly1 stout   
woman never looks so badly as in        
low-necked light-colored silks or       
satins1 ,young women look well in       
natural flowers2 elderly women1 in      
feathers and jewelled head-dresses4  ,if
 elderly women with full figure wear    
low-necked dresses1 a lace shawl or     
scarf1 or something of that sort1 should
 be thrown over the neck2 and the same  
advice might be given to thin and       
scrawny figures4 ,a lady writes to us as
 to what dress should be worn at her    
child's christening4 ,we should advise a
 high-necked dark silk2 it may be of as 
handsome material as she chooses1 but it
 should be plain and neat in general    

effect4 ,no woman should overdress in   
her own house2 it is the worst taste4   
,all dress should correspond to the     
spirit of the entertainment given4      
,light-colored silks1 sweeping trains1  
bonnets very gay and garnished with     
feathers1 lace parasols1 and light      
gloves1 are fit for carriages at the    
races1 but they are out of place for    
walking in the streets4 ,they may do for
 a wedding reception1 but they are not  
fit for a picnic or an excursion4 ,lawn 
parties1 flower shows1 and promenade    
concerts1 should all be dressed for in a
 gay1 bright fashion2 and the costumes  
for these and for yachting purposes may 
be as effective and coquettish as       
possible2 but for church1 for readings1 
for a morning concert1 for a walk1 or a 
morning call on foot1 a tailor-made     
costume1 with plain1 dark hat1 is the   
most to be admired4 ,never wear a dressy
 bonnet in the street4  ,the costumes   
for picnics1 excursions1 journeys2 and  
the sea-side should be of a strong      

fabric1 simple cut1 and plain color4    
,things which will wash are better for  
our climate4 ,serge1 tweed1 and piqu are
 the best4  ,a morning dress for a late 
breakfast may be as luxurious as one    
pleases4 ,the modern fashion of         
imitation lace put on in great          
quantities over a foulard or a gingham1 
a muslin or a cotton1 made up prettily1 
is suitable for women of all ages2 but  
an old company dress furbished up to do 
duty at a watering-place is terrible1   
and not to be endured4  ,it has been the
 fashion this season to wear full-dress 
at weddings4 ,the bride and her maids   
have appeared with low neck and short   
sleeves in the cold morning air at      
several fashionable churches4 ,the groom
 at the same time wearing morning       
costume4 ,it is an era of low necks4    
,the pendulum of fashion is swinging    
that way4 ,we have spoken of this       
before1 so only record the fact that the
 low neck will prevail in many summer   
evening dresses as well as for morning  

weddings4  ,the very tight fashion of   
draping skirts should make all women    
very careful as to the way they sit     
down4 ,some ,frenchman said he could    
tell a gentleman by his walk2 another   
has lately said that he can tell a lady 
by the way she sits down4 ,a woman is   
allowed much less freedom of posture    
than a man4 ,he may change his position 
as he likes1 and loll or lounge1 cross  
his legs1 or even nurse his foot if he  
pleases2 but a woman must have grace and
 dignity2 in every gesture she must be  
ladylike4 ,any one who has seen a great 
actress like ,modjeska sit down will    
know what an acquired grace it is4  ,a  
woman should remember that she belongs  
to a sex which cannot afford to be      
grotesque4 ,there should never be       
rowdiness or carelessness4  ,the mania  
for extravagant dress on the stage1 the 
pieces des robes1 is said to be one of  
the greatest enemies of the legitimate  
drama4 ,the leading lady must have a    
conspicuous display of elaborate gowns1 

the latest inventions of the modistes4  
,in ,paris these stage costumes set the 
fashions1 and bonnets and caps and gowns
 become individualized by their names4  
,they look very well on the wearers1 but
 they look very badly on some elderly1  
plain1 middle-aged1 stout woman who has 
adopted them4  ,plain satins and velvet1
 rich and dark brocades1 made by an     
artist1 make any one look well4 ,the    
elderly woman should be able to move    
without effort or strain of any kind2 a 
black silk well made is indispensable2  
and even a celebrity of a by-gone day   
may be made to look handsome by a       
judicious but not too brilliant         
toilette4  ,the dress called            
complimentary mourning1 which is rather 
a contradiction in terms1 is now made   
very elegant and dressy4 ,black and     
white in all the changes1 and black     
bugles and bead trimming1 all the shades
 of lilac and of purple1 are considered 
by the ,french as proper colors and     
trimmings in going out of black2 while  

for full mourning the ,english still    
preserve the cap1 weepers1 and veil1 the
 plain muslin collar and cuffs1 the     
crape dress1 large black silk cloak1    
crape bonnet and veil4  ,heavy1         
ostentatious1 and expensive habiliments 
are often worn in mourning1 but they are
 not in the best taste4 ,the            
plain-surfaced black silks are          
commendable4  ,for afternoon tea in this
 country the hostess generally wears a  
handsome high-necked gown1 often a      
combination of stamped or brocaded      
velvet1 satin1 and silk4 ,she rarely    
wears what in ,england is called a      
tea-gown1 which is a semi-loose garment4
 ,for visiting at afternoon teas no     
change is made from the ordinary walking
 dress1 unless the three or four ladies 
who help receive come in handsome       
reception dresses4 ,a skirt of light    
brocade with a dark velvet over-dress is
 very much worn at these receptions1 and
 if made by a ,french artist is a       
beautiful dress4 ,these dark velvets are

 usually made high1 with a very rich    
lace ruff4  ,the high ,medicean collar  
and pretty ,medicean cap of velvet are  
in great favor with the middle-aged     
ladies of the present day1 and are a    
very becoming style of dress for the    
opera4 ,the present fashion of full     
dress at the opera1 while it may not    
improve the music1 certainly makes the  
house look very pretty and stately4     
,too many dresses are a mistake1 even   
for an opulent woman4 ,they get out of  
fashion1 and excepting for a girl going 
out to many balls they are entirely     
unnecessary4 ,a girl who is dancing     
needs to be perpetually renewed1 for she
 should be always fresh1 and the wear   
and tear of the cotillion is enormous4  
,there is nothing so poor as a dirty1   
faded1 and patched-up ball-dress2 the   
dancer had better stay at home than wear
 such4  ,the fashion of sleeves should  
be considered4 ,a stout woman looks very
 badly in a loose sleeve of hanging lace
 which only reaches the elbow4 ,it makes

 the arm look twice as large4 ,she      
should wear1 for a thin sleeve1 black   
lace to the wrist1 with bands of velvet 
running down1 to diminish the size of   
the arm4 ,all those lace sleeves to the 
elbow1 with drops of gold1 or steel     
trimming1 or jets1 are very unbecoming2 
no one but the slight should wear them4 
,tight lacing is also very unbecoming to
 those who usually adopt it--women of   
thirty-eight or forty who are growing a 
little stout4 ,in thus trussing         
themselves up they simply get an        
unbecoming redness of the face1 and are 
not the handsome1 comfortable-looking   
creatures which ,heaven intended they   
should be4 ,two or three beautiful women
 well known in society killed themselves
 last year by tight lacing4 ,the effect 
of an inch less waist was not apparent  
enough to make this a wise sacrifice of 
health and ease of breathing4  ,at a    
lady's lunch party1 which is always an  
occasion for handsome dress1 and where  
bonnets are always worn1 the faces of   

those who are too tightly dressed always
 show the strain by a most unbecoming   
flush2 and as ,american rooms are always
 too warm1 the suffering must be        
enormous4  ,it is a very foolish plan1  
also1 to starve one's self1 or bant1 for
 a graceful thinness2 women only grow   
wrinkled1 show crow's-feet under the    
eyes1 and look less young than those who
 let themselves alone4  ,a gorgeously   
dressed woman in the proper place is a  
fine sight4 ,a well-dressed woman is she
 who understands herself and her        
surroundings4  ,,chapter ,,xix4         
,,dressing ,,for ,,driving4  ,no one who
 has seen the coaching parade in ,new   
,york can have failed to observe the    
extraordinary change which has come over
 the fashion in dress for this          
conspicuous occasion4 ,formerly ladies  
wore black silks1 or some dark or       
low-toned color in woollen or cotton or 
silk2 and a woman who should have worn a
 white dress on top of a coach would1   
ten years ago1 have been thought to make

 herself undesirably conspicuous4  ,now 
the brightest colored and richest silks1
 orange1 blue1 pink1 and lilac dresses1 
trimmed with lace flounces1 dinner      
dresses1 in fact--all the charming      
confections of ,worth or ,piugat--are   
freely displayed on the coach-tops1 with
 the utmost graciousness1 for every     
passer-by to comment on4 ,the lady on   
the top of a coach without a mantle     
appears very much as she would at a     
full-dress ball or dinner4 ,she then    
complains that sometimes ill-natured    
remarks float up from the gazers1 and   
that the ladies are insulted4 ,the      
fashion began at ,longchamps and at     
,ascot1 where1 especially at the former 
place1 a lady was privileged to sit in  
her victoria1 with her lilac silk full  
ruffled to the waist1 in the most       
perfect and aristocratic seclusion4     
,then the fast set of the ,prince of    
,wales took it up1 and plunged into     
rivalry in dressing for the public      
procession through the ,london streets1 

where a lady became as prominent an     
object of observation as the ,lord      
,mayor's coach4 ,it has been taken up   
and developed in ,america until it has  
reached a climax of splendor and1 if we 
may say so1 inappropriateness1 that is  
characteristic of the following of      
foreign fashions in this country4 ,how  
can a white satin1 trimmed with lace1 or
 an orange silk1 be the dress in which a
 lady should meet the sun1 the rain1 or 
the dust of a coaching expedition8 ,is  
it the dress in which she feels that she
 ought to meet the gaze of a mixed      
assemblage in a crowded hotel or in a   
much frequented thoroughfare8 ,what     
change of dress can there be left for   
the drawing-room8  ,we are glad to see  
that the ,princess of ,wales1 whose     
taste seems to be as nearly perfect as  
may be1 has determined to set her pretty
 face against this exaggerated use of   
color4 ,she appeared recently in        
,london1 on top of a coach1 in a suit of
 navy-blue flannel4 ,again1 she and the 

,empress of ,austria are described as   
wearing dark1 neat suits of drap d't1   
and also broadcloth dresses4 ,one can   
see the delicate figures and refined    
features of these two royal beauties in 
this neat and inconspicuous dress1 and1 
when they are contrasted with the       
flaunting pink and white and lace and   
orange dresses of those who are not     
royal1 how vulgar the extravagance in   
color becomes6  ,our grandmothers       
travelled in broadcloth riding-habits1  
and we often pity them for the heat and 
the distress which they must have       
endured in the heavy1 high-fitting1     
long-sleeved garments2 yet we cannot but
 think they would have looked better on 
top of a coach than their               
granddaughters--who should remember1    
when they complain of the rude remarks1 
that we have no aristocracy here whose  
feelings the mob is obliged to respect1 
and that the plainer their dress the    
less apt they will be to hear unpleasant
 epithets applied to them4 ,in the      

present somewhat aggressive ,amazonian  
fashion1 when a woman drives a man in   
her pony phaeton 7he sitting several    
inches below her71 there is no doubt    
much audacity unintentionally suggested 
by a gay dress4 ,a vulgar man1 seeing a 
lady in white velvet1 ,spanish lace1 a  
large hat--in what he considers a loud  
dress--does not have the idea of modesty
 or of refinement conveyed to his mind  
by the sight2 he is very apt to laugh1  
and to say something not wholly         
respectful4 ,then the lady says1 ,with  
how little respect women are treated in 
large cities1 or at ,newport1 or at     
,saratoga6 ,were she more plainly       
dressed1 in a dark foulard or an        
inconspicuous flannel or cloth dress1   
with her hat simply arranged1 she would 
be quite as pretty and better fitted for
 the matter she has in hand1 and very   
much less exposed to invidious comment4 
,women dress plainly enough when        
tempting the salt-sea wave1 and also    
when on horseback4 ,nothing could be    

simpler than the riding-habit1 and yet  
is there any dress so becoming8 ,but on 
the coach they should not be too fine4  
,of course1 women can dress as they     
please1 but if they please to dress     
conspicuously they must be ready to take
 the consequences4 ,a few years ago no  
lady would venture into the street      
unless a mantle or a scarf covered her  
shoulders4 ,it was a lady-like          
precaution4 ,then came the inglorious   
days of the tied-backs1 a style of dress
 most unbecoming to the figure1 and now 
happily no more4 ,this preposterous     
fashion had1 no doubt1 its influence on 
the manners of the age4  ,better far1 if
 women would parade their charms1 the   
courtly dresses of those beauties of    
,bird-cage ,walk1 by ,st4 ,james's      
,park1 where ,lady ,betty ,modish was   
born--full1 long1 bouffant brocades1    
hair piled high1 long and graceful      
scarfs1 and gloves reaching to the      
elbow4 ,even the rouge and powder were a
 mask to hide the cheek which did or did

 not blush when bold eyes were fastened 
upon it4 ,let us not be understood1     
however1 as extolling these4 ,the       
nineteenth-century beauty mounts a coach
 with none of these aids to shyness4 ,no
 suggestion of hiding any of her charms 
occurs to her4 ,she goes out on the box 
seat without cloak or shawl1 or anything
 but a hat on the back of her head and a
 gay parasol between her and a possible 
thunder-storm4 ,these ladies are not    
members of an acclimatization society4  
,they cannot bring about a new climate4 
,do they not suffer from cold8 ,do not  
the breezes go through them8 ,answer1   
all ye pneumonias and diphtherias and   
rheumatisms6  ,there is no delicacy in  
the humor with which the funny papers   
and the caricaturists treat these very  
exaggerated costumes4 ,no delicacy is   
required4 ,a change to a quieter style  
of dress would soon abate this treatment
 of which so many ladies complain4 ,let 
them dress like the ,princess of ,wales 
and the ,empress of ,austria1 when in   

the conspicuous high-relief of the      
coach1 and the result will be that      
ladies1 married or single1 will not be  
subjected to the insults of which so    
many of them complain1 and of which the 
papers are full after every coaching    
parade4  ,lady riders are seldom obliged
 to complain of the incivility of a     
passer-by4 ,theirs are modest figures1  
and1 as a general thing nowadays1 they  
ride well4 ,a lady can alight from her  
horse and walk about in a crowded place 
without hearing an offensive word3 she  
is properly dressed for her exercise4   
,nor1 again1 is a young lady in a       
lawn-tennis suit assailed by the        
impertinent criticisms of a mixed crowd 
of by-standers4 ,thousands play at      
,newport1 ,saratoga1 and other places of
 resort1 with thousands looking on1 and 
no one utters a word of rebuke4 ,the    
short flannel skirt and close ,jersey   
are needed for the active runner1 and   
her somewhat eccentric appearance is    
condoned4 ,it is not considered an      

exhibition or a show1 but a good1       
healthy game of physical exercise4      
,people feel an interest and a pleasure 
in it4 ,it is like the old-fashioned    
merry-making of the ,may-pole1 the      
friendly jousts of neighbors on the     
common play-ground of the neighborhood1 
with the dances under the walnut-trees  
of sunny ,provence4 ,the game is an     
invigorating one1 and even those who do 
not know it are pleased with its        
animation4 ,we have hitherto neglected  
that gymnastic culture which made the   
,greeks the graceful people they were1  
and which contributed to the cultivation
 of the mind4  ,nobody finds anything to
 laugh at in either of these costumes2  
but when people see a ball-dress mounted
 high on a coach they are very apt to   
laugh at it2 and women seldom come home 
from a coaching parade without a        
tingling cheek and a feeling of shame   
because of some comment upon their dress
 and appearance4 ,a young lady drove up1
 last summer1 to the ,ocean ,house at   

,newport in a pony phaeton1 and was     
offended because a gentleman on the     
piazza said1 ,that girl has a very small
 waist1 and she means us to see it4 ,who
 was to blame8 ,the young lady was      
dressed in a very conspicuous manner3   
she had neither mantle nor jacket about 
her1 and she probably did mean that her 
waist should be seen4  ,there is a      
growing objection all over the world to 
the hour-glass shape once so            
fashionable1 and we ought to welcome it 
as the best evidence of a tendency      
towards a more sensible form of dress1  
as well as one more conducive to health 
and the wholesome discharge of a woman's
 natural and most important functions4  
,but if a woman laces herself into a    
sixteen-inch belt1 and then clothes     
herself in brocade1 satin1 and bright   
colors1 and makes herself conspicuous1  
she should not object to the fact that  
men1 seeing her throw aside her mantle1 
comment upon her charms in no measured  
terms4 ,she has no one to blame but     

herself4  ,we might add that by this    
over-dressing women deprive themselves  
of the advantage of contrast in style4  
,lace1 in particular1 is for the house  
and for the full-dress dinner or ball4  
,so are the light1 gay silks1 which have
 no fitness of fold or of texture for   
the climbing of a coach4 ,if bright     
colors are desired1 let ladies choose   
the merinos and nuns' veilings for      
coaching dresses2 or1 better still1 let 
them dress in dark colors1 in plain and 
inconspicuous dresses1 which do not seem
 to defy both dust and sun and rain as  
well4 ,on top of a coach they are far   
more exposed to the elements than when  
on the deck of a yacht4  ,nor1 because  
the fast set of the ,prince of ,wales do
 so in ,london1 is there any reason why 
,american women should appear on top of 
a coach dressed in red velvet and white 
satin4 ,let them remember the fact that 
the ,queen had placed ,windsor ,castle  
at the disposal of the ,prince for his  
use during ,ascot week1 but that when   

she learned that two somewhat           
conspicuous ,american beauties were     
expected1 she rescinded the loan and    
told the ,prince to entertain his guests
 elsewhere4  ,,chapter ,,xx4            
,,incongruities ,,of ,,dress4  ,we are  
all aware of the value of a costume1    
such as the dress of the ,pompadour era3
 the ,swiss peasant's bodice1 the       
,normandy cap1 the faldetta of the      
,maltese1 the ,hungarian national dress1
 the early ,english1 the ,puritan       
square-cut1 the ,spanish mantilla1 the  
,roman scarf and white cap--all these   
come before us2 and as we mention each  
characteristic garment there steps out  
on the canvas of memory a neat little   
figure1 in which every detail from shoe 
to head-dress is harmonious4  ,no one in
 his wildest dreams1 however1 could set 
out with the picture of a marquise1 and 
top it off with a ,normandy cap4 ,nor   
could he put powder on the dark hair of 
the jaunty little ,hungarian4 ,the      
beauty of these costumes is seen in each

 as a whole1 and not in the parts       
separately4 ,the marquise must wear pink
 or blue1 or some light color2 she must 
have the long waist1 the square-cut     
corsage1 the large hoop1 the neat       
slipper1 with rosette and high heel1 the
 rouge and patches to supplement her    
powdered hair1 or she is no marquise4   
,the ,swiss peasant must have the short 
skirt1 the white chemisette1 the black  
velvet bodice1 the cross and ribbon1 the
 coarse shoes1 and the head-dress of her
 canton2 the ,normandy peasant her dark1
 striking dress1 her high-heeled1       
gold-buckled shoe1 and her white apron2 
the ,hungarian her neat1 military       
scarlet jacket1 braided with gold1 her  
scant petticoat and military boot1 her  
high cap and feather4 ,the dress of the 
,english peasant1 known now as the      
,mother ,hubbard hat and cloak1 very    
familiar to the students of costumes as 
belonging to the countrywomen of        
,shakspeare's time1 demands the short1  
bunched-up petticoat and high-heeled1   

high-cut shoes to make it perfect4  ,we 
live in an age1 however1 when fashion1  
irrespective of artistic principle1     
mixes up all these costumes1 and borrows
 a hat here and a shoe there1 the effect
 of each garment1 diverted from its     
original intention1 being lost4  ,if all
 things by their season seasoned are1 so
 is all dress 7or it should be7         
seasonable and comprehensive1 congruous 
and complete4 ,the one great secret of  
the success of the ,french as artists   
and magicians of female costume is that 
they consider the entire figure and its 
demands1 the conditions of life and of  
luxury1 the propriety of the substance1 
and the needs of the wearer4 ,a lady who
 is to tread a velvet carpet or a       
parqueted floor does not need a wooden  
shoe2 she needs a satin slipper or boot4
 ,yet in the modern drawing-room we     
sometimes see a young lady dancing in a 
heavy ,balmoral boot which is only      
fitted for the bogs and heather of a    
,scotch tramp4 ,the presence of a short 

dress in a drawing-room1 or of a long   
train in the street1 is part of the     
general incongruity of dress4  ,the use 
of the ulster and the ,derby hat became 
apparent on ,english yachts1 where women
 learned to put themselves in the       
attitude of men1 and very properly      
adopted the storm jib2 but1 if one of   
those women had been told that she      
would1 sooner or later1 appear in this  
dress in the streets of ,london1 she    
would have been shocked4  ,in the days  
of the ,french emigration1 when highborn
 ladies escaped on board friendly       
vessels in the harbor of ,honfleur1 many
 of them had on the long-waisted and    
full-skirted overcoats of their         
husbands1 who preferred to shiver rather
 than endure the pain of seeing their   
wives suffer from cold4 ,these figures  
were observed by ,london tailors and    
dress-makers1 and out of them grew the  
,english pelisse which afterwards came  
into fashion4 ,on a stout ,englishwoman 
the effect was singularly absurd1 and   

many of the early caricatures give us   
the benefit of this incongruity2 for    
although a small figure looks well in a 
pelisse1 a stout one never does4 ,the   
,englishwoman who weighs two or three   
hundred pounds should wear a sacque1 a  
shawl1 or a loose cloak1 instead of a   
tight-waisted pelisse4 ,however1 we are 
diverging4 ,the sense of the personally 
becoming is still another branch of the 
great subject of dress4 ,a velvet dress1
 for instance1 demands for its trimmings
 expensive and real lace4 ,it should not
 be supplemented by ,breton or imitation
 ,valenciennes4 ,all the very pretty    
imitation laces are appropriate for     
cheap silks1 poplins1 summer fabrics1 or
 dresses of light and airy material2 but
 if the substance of the dress be of the
 richest1 the lace should be in keeping 
with it4  ,so1 also1 in respect to      
jewellery3 no cheap or imitation        
jewellery should be worn with an        
expensive dress4 ,it is as foreign to   
good taste as it would be for a man to  

dress his head and body in the most     
fashionable of hats and coats1 and his  
legs in white duck4 ,there is           
incongruity in the idea4  ,the same     
incongruity applies to a taste for which
 our countrymen have often been         
blamed--a desire for the magnificent1 ,a
 woman who puts on diamonds1 real lace1 
and velvets in the morning at a summer  
watering-place is decidedly incongruous4
 ,far better be dressed in a gingham1   
with ,hamburg embroidery1 and a straw   
hat with a handkerchief tied round it1  
now so pretty and so fashionable4 ,she  
is then ready for the ocean or for the  
mountain drive1 the scramble or the     
sail4 ,her boots should be strong1 her  
gloves long and stout4 ,she thus adapts 
her attire to the occasion4 ,in the     
evening she will have an opportunity for
 the delicate boot and the trailing     
gauze or silk1 or that deft combination 
of all the materials known as a ,worth  
,costume4  ,in buying a hat a woman     
should stand before a long ,psyche      

glass1 and see herself from head to     
foot4 ,often a very pretty bonnet or hat
 which becomes the face is absolutely   
dreadful in that wavy outline which is  
perceptible to those who consider the   
effect as a whole4 ,all can remember how
 absurd a large figure looked in the    
round poke hat and the delicate ,fanchon
 bonnet1 and the same result is brought 
about by the round hat4 ,a large figure 
should be topped by a ,gainsborough or  
,rubens hat1 with nodding plumes4 ,then 
the effect is excellent and the         
proportions are preserved4  ,nothing can
 be more incongruous1 again1 than a     
long1 slim1 aesthetic figure with a     
head-gear so disproportionately large as
 to suggest a ,sandwich-,islander with  
his head-dress of mats4 ,the aesthetic  
craze has1 however1 brought in one      
improvement in costume4 ,it is the      
epauletted sleeve1 which gives expansion
 to so many figures which are1          
unfortunately1 too narrow4 ,all         
physiologists are speculating on the    

growing narrowness of chest in the      
,anglo-,saxon race4 ,it is singularly   
apparent in ,america4 ,to remedy this1  
some ingenious dress-maker devised a    
little puff at the top of the arm1 which
 is most becoming4 ,it is also well     
adapted to the cloth of gold costume of 
the days of ,francis ,i41 which modern  
luxury so much affects4 ,it is a ,frond 
sort of costume1 this nineteenth-century
 dress1 and can well borrow some of the 
festive features of the sixteenth and   
seventeenth centuries1 if they be not   
incongruous4 ,we1 like those rich nobles
 and prosperous burghers1 have lighted  
on piping times of peace2 we have found 
a new ,india of our own2 our galleons   
come laden with the spoils of all       
countries2 we are rich1 and we are able 
to wear velvet and brocade4  ,but we    
should be as true as they to the        
proprieties of dress4 ,in the ancient   
burgher days the richest citizen was not
 permitted to wear velvet2 he had his   
own picturesque collar1 his dark-cloth  

suit1 his becoming hat4 ,he had no idea 
of aping the cian1 with his long hat and
 feather4 ,we are all patricians2 we can
 wear either the sober suit or the gay  
one2 but do let us avoid incongruity4   
,a woman1 in dressing herself for an    
evening of festivity1 should remember   
that1 from her ear-rings to her fan1 all
 must suggest and convey the idea of    
luxury4 ,a wooden fan is very pretty in 
the morning at a watering-place1 but it 
will not do in the evening4 ,none of the
 modern chtelaine arrangements1 however 
ornamental1 are appropriate for evening 
use4 ,the chtelaine meant originally the
 chain on which the lady of the house   
wore her keys2 therefore its early      
association of usefulness remains3 it is
 not luxurious in intention1 however    
much modern fashion may have adorned it4
  ,many a fashion has1 it is true1 risen
 from a low estate4 ,the ,order of the  
,garter tells of a monarch's caprice2   
the shoe-buckle and the horseshoe have  
crept up into the highest rank of       

ornaments4 ,but as it takes three       
generations to make a gentleman1 so does
 it take several decades to give        
nobility to low-born ornament4 ,we must 
not try to force things4  ,a part of the
 growing and sad incongruity of modern  
dress appears in the unavoidable        
awkwardness of a large number of        
bouquets4 ,a belle cannot leave the     
insignia of belledom at home1 nor can   
she be so unkind as to carry ,mr4       
,smith's flowers and ignore ,mr4        
,brown's2 so she appears with her arms  
and hands full1 to the infinite         
detriment of her dress and general      
effect4 ,some arrangement might be      
devised whereby such trophies could be  
dragged in the train of the             
high-priestess of fashion4  ,a little   
reading1 a little attention to the study
 of costume 7a beautiful study1         
by-the-way71 would soon teach a young   
woman to avoid the incongruous in dress4
 ,some people have taste as a natural   
gift3 they know how to dress from a     

consultation with their inner selves4   
,others1 alas6 are entirely without it4 
,the people who make hats and coats and 
dresses for us are generally without any
 comprehension of the history of dress4 
,to them the hat of the ,roundhead and  
that of the ,cavalier have the same     
meaning4 ,to all people of taste and    
reading1 however1 they are very         
different1 and all artists know that the
 costumes which retain their hold on the
 world have been preferred and have     
endured because of their fitness to     
conditions of climate and the grace and 
ease with which they were worn4         
,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,etiquette ,,of       
,,mourning4  ,there is no possibility of
 touching upon the subject of death and 
burial1 and the conditions under which  
funerals should be conducted1 without   
hurting some one's feelings4 ,the ,duke 
of ,sutherland's attempt in ,england to 
do away with the dreadful shape which   
causes a shudder to all who have lost a 
friend--that of the coffin--was called  

irreverent1 because he suggested that   
the dead should be buried in wicker-work
 baskets1 with fern-leaves for shrouds1 
so that the poor clay might the more    
easily return to mother earth4 ,those   
who favor cremation suffer again a still
 more frantic disesteem2 and yet every  
one deplores the present gloomy         
apparatus and dismal observances of our 
occasions of mourning4  ,death is still 
to the most ,christian and resigned     
heart a very terrible fact1 a shock to  
all who live1 and its surroundings1 do  
what we will1 are painful4 ,i smell the 
mould above the rose1 says ,hood1 in his
 pathetic lines on his daughter's death4
 ,therefore1 we have a difficulty to    
contend with in the wearing of black1   
which is of itself1 to begin with1      
negatory of our professed belief in the 
resurrection4 ,we confess the logic of  
despair when we drape ourselves in its  
gloomy folds4 ,the dress which we should
 wear1 one would think1 might be blue1  
the color of the sky1 or white1 in token

 of light which the redeemed soul has   
reached4  ,custom1 which makes slaves of
 us all1 has decreed that we shall wear 
black1 as a mark of respect to those we 
have lost1 and as a shroud for          
ourselves1 protesting against the gentle
 ministration of light and cheerfulness 
with which our ,lord ever strives to    
reach us4 ,this is one side of the      
question2 but1 again1 one word as to its
 good offices4 ,a mourning dress does   
protect a woman while in deepest grief  
against the untimely gayety of a passing
 stranger4 ,it is a wall1 a cell of     
refuge4 ,behind a black veil she can    
hide herself as she goes out for        
business or recreation1 fearless of any 
intrusion4  ,the black veil1 on the     
other hand1 is most unhealthy3 it harms 
the eyes and it injures the skin4 ,as it
 rubs against the nose and forehead it  
is almost certain to cause abrasions1   
and often makes an annoying sore4 ,to   
the eyes enfeebled by weeping it is sure
 to be dangerous1 and most oculists now 

forbid it4  ,the ,english1 from whom we 
borrow our fashion in funeral matters1  
have a limitation provided by social law
 which is a useful thing4 ,they now     
decree that crape shall only be worn six
 months1 even for the nearest relative1 
and that the duration of mourning shall 
not exceed a year4 ,a wife's mourning   
for her husband is the most             
conventionally deep mourning allowed1   
and every one who has seen an ,english  
widow will agree that she makes a hearse
 of herself4 ,bombazine and crape1 a    
widow's cap2 and a long2 thick          
veil--such is the modern ,english idea4 
,some widows even have the cap made of  
black crpe lisse1 but it is generally of
 white4 ,in this country a widow's first
 mourning dresses are covered almost    
entirely with crape1 a most costly and  
disagreeable material1 easily ruined by 
the dampness and dust--a sort of        
penitential and self-mortifying dress1  
and very ugly and very expensive4 ,there
 are now1 however1 other and more       

agreeable fabrics which also bear the   
dead black1 lustreless look which is    
alone considered respectful to the dead1
 and which are not so costly as crape1  
or so disagreeable to wear4 ,the        
,henrietta cloth and imperial serges are
 chosen for heavy winter dresses1 while 
for those of less weight are tamise     
cloth1 ,bayonnaise1 grenadine1 nuns'    
veiling1 and the ,american silk4  ,our  
mourning usages are not overloaded with 
what may be called the pomp1 pride1 and 
circumstance of woe which characterize  
,english funerals4 ,indeed1 so overdone 
are mourning ceremonies in              
,england--what with the hired mutes1 the
 nodding plumes1 the costly coffin1 and 
the gifts of gloves and bands and rings1
 etc4--that ,lady ,georgiana ,milnor1 of
 ,nunappleton1 in ,york1 a great friend 
of the ,archbishop1 wrote a book against
 the abuse1 ordered her own body to be  
buried in a pine coffin1 and forbade her
 servants and relatives to wear         
mourning4 ,her wishes were carried out  

to the letter4 ,a black1 cloth-covered  
casket with silver mountings is         
considered in the best taste1 and the   
pall-bearers are given at most a white  
scarf and a pair of black gloves4 ,even 
this is not always done4 ,at one time   
the traffic in these returned bands and 
gloves was quite a fortune to the       
undertaker4 ,mourning is very expensive1
 and often costs a family more than they
 can well afford2 but it is a sacrifice 
that even the poorest gladly make1 and  
those who can least afford it often wear
 the best mourning1 so tyrannical is    
custom4 ,they consider it--by what      
process of reasoning no one can         
understand1 unless it be out of a       
hereditary belief that we hold in the   
heathen idea of propitiating the manes  
of the departed--an act of disrespect to
 the memory of the dead if the living   
are not clad in gloomy black4  ,however1
 our business is with the etiquette of  
mourning4 ,widows wear deep mourning1   
consisting of woollen stuffs and crape1 

for about two years1 and sometimes for  
life1 in ,america4 ,children wear the   
same for parents for one year1 and then 
lighten it with black silk1 trimmed with
 crape4 ,half-mourning gradations of    
gray1 purple1 or lilac have been        
abandoned1 and1 instead1 combinations of
 black and white are used4              
,complimentary mourning is black silk   
without crape4 ,the ,french have three  
grades of mourning--deep1 ordinary1 and 
half mourning4 ,in deep mourning1       
woollen cloths only are worn2 in        
ordinary mourning1 silk and woollen2 in 
half mourning1 gray and violet4 ,an     
,american lady is always shocked at the 
gayety and cheerfulness of ,french      
mourning4 ,in ,france1 etiquette        
prescribes mourning for a husband for   
one year and six weeks--that is1 six    
months of deep mourning1 six of         
ordinary1 and six weeks of half         
mourning4 ,for a wife1 a father1 or a   
mother1 six months--three deep and three
 half mourning2 for a grandparent1 two  

months and a half of slight mourning2   
for a brother or a sister1 two months1  
one of which is in deep mourning2 for an
 uncle or an aunt1 three weeks of       
ordinary black4 ,in ,america1 with no   
fixity of rule1 ladies have been known  
to go into deepest mourning for their   
own relatives or those of their         
husbands1 or for people1 perhaps1 whom  
they have never seen1 and have remained 
as gloomy monuments of bereavement for  
seven or ten years1 constantly in black2
 then1 on losing a child or a relative  
dearly loved1 they have no extremity of 
dress left to express the real grief    
which fills their lives--no deeper black
 to go into4 ,this complimentary        
mourning should be1 as in the ,french   
custom1 limited to two or three weeks4  
,the health of a delicate child has been
 known to be seriously affected by the  
constant spectacle of his mother in deep
 mourning4  ,the period of a mourner's  
retirement from the world has been very 
much shortened of late4 ,for one year no

 formal visiting is undertaken1 nor is  
there any gayety in the house4 ,black is
 often worn for a husband or wife two   
years1 for parents one year1 and for    
brothers and sisters one year2 a heavy  
black is lightened after that period4   
,ladies are beginning to wear a small   
black gauze veil over the face1 and are 
in the habit of throwing the heavy crape
 veil back over the hat4 ,it is also    
proper to wear a quiet black dress when 
going to a funeral1 although this is not
 absolutely necessary4  ,friends should 
call on the bereaved family within a    
month1 not expecting1 of course1 to see 
them4 ,kind notes expressing sympathy   
are most welcome to the afflicted from  
intimate friends1 and gifts of flowers1 
or any testimonial of sympathy1 are     
thoughtful and appropriate4 ,cards and  
note-paper are now put into mourning by 
those who desire to express             
conventionally their regret for the     
dead2 but very broad borders of black   
look like ostentation1 and are in       

undoubted bad taste4 ,no doubt all these
 things are proper enough in their way1 
but a narrow border of black tells the  
story of loss as well as an inch of     
coal-black gloom4 ,the fashion of       
wearing handkerchiefs which are made    
with a two-inch square of white cambric 
and a four-inch border of black may well
 be deprecated4 ,a gay young widow at   
,washington was once seen dancing at a  
reception1 a few months after the death 
of her soldier husband1 with a long     
black veil on1 and holding in her       
black-gloved hand one of these          
handkerchiefs1 which looked as if it had
 been dipped in ink4 ,she should have   
dipped it in blood1 said a by-stander4  
,under such circumstances we learn how  
much significance is to be attached to  
the grief expressed by a mourning veil4 
,the mourning which soldiers1 sailors1  
and courtiers wear has something        
pathetic and effective about it4 ,a flag
 draped with crape1 a gray cadet-sleeve 
with a black band1 or a long piece of   

crape about the left arm of a senator1 a
 black weed on a hat1 these always touch
 us4 ,they would even appear to suggest 
that the lighter the black1 the more    
fully the feeling of the heart is       
expressed4 ,if we love our dead1 there  
is no danger that we shall forget them4 
,the customary suit of solemn black is  
not needed when we can wear it in our   
hearts4  ,for lighter mourning jet is   
used on silk1 and there is no doubt that
 it makes a very handsome dress4 ,it is 
a singular fact that there is a certain 
comfort to some people in wearing very  
handsome black4 ,worth1 on being asked  
to dress an ,american widow whom he had 
never seen1 sent for her photograph1 for
 he said that he wished to see whether  
she was the sort of woman who would     
relish a becoming black4  ,very elegant 
dresses are made with jet embroidery on 
crape--the beautiful soft ,french       
crape--but lace is never mourning4 ,even
 the ,french1 who have very light ideas 
on the subject1 do not trim the most    

ornamental dresses with lace during the 
period of even second mourning1 except  
when they put the woolen yak lace on a  
cloth cloak or mantilla4 ,during a very 
dressy half mourning1 however1 black    
lace may be worn on white silk2 but this
 is questionable4 ,diamond ornaments set
 in black enamel are allowed even in the
 deepest mourning1 and also pearls set  
in black4 ,the initials of the deceased1
 in black brilliants or pearls1 are now 
set in lockets and sleeve-buttons1 or   
pins4 ,gold ornaments are never worn in 
mourning4  ,white silk1 embroidered with
 black jet1 is used in the second stage 
of court mourning1 with black gloves4   
,deep red is deemed in ,england a proper
 alternative for mourning black1 if the 
wearer be called upon to go to a wedding
 during the period of the first year's  
mourning4 ,at ,st4 ,george's1 ,hanover  
,square1 therefore1 one may often see a 
widow assisting at the wedding of a     
daughter or a son1 and dressed in a     
superb red brocade or velvet1 which1    

directly the wedding is over1 she will  
discard for her solemn black4  ,the     
question of black gloves is one which   
troubles all who are obliged to wear    
mourning through the heat of summer4    
,the black kid glove is painfully warm  
and smutty1 disfiguring the hand and    
soiling the handkerchief and face4 ,the 
,swedish kid glove is now much more in  
vogue1 and the silk glove is made with  
such neatness and with such a number of 
buttons that it is equally stylish1 and 
much cooler and more agreeable4         
,mourning bonnets are worn rather larger
 than ordinary bonnets4 ,in ,england    
they are still made of the old-fashioned
 cottage shape1 and are very useful in  
carrying the heavy veil and in shading  
the face4 ,the ,queen has always worn   
this style of bonnet4 ,her widow's cap  
has never been laid aside1 and with her 
long veil of white falling down her back
 when she appears at court1 it makes the
 most becoming dress that she has ever  
worn4 ,for such a grief as hers there is

 something appropriate and dignified in 
her adherence to the mourning-dress4 ,it
 fully expresses her sad isolation3 for 
a queen can have no near friends4 ,the  
whole ,english nation has sympathized   
with her grief1 and commended her black 
dress4 ,nor can we criticise the grief  
which causes a mother to wear mourning  
for her children4 ,if it be any comfort 
to her to wrap herself in crape1 she    
ought to do so4 ,the world has no right 
to quarrel with those who prefer to put 
ashes on their heads4  ,but for the     
mockery1 the conventional absurdities1  
and the affectations which so readily   
lend themselves to caricature in the    
name of mourning1 no condemnation can be
 too strong4 ,there is a ghoul-like     
ghastliness in talking about ornamental1
 or becoming1 or complimentary mourning4
 ,people of sense1 of course1 manage to 
dress without going to extremities in   
either direction4 ,we see many a        
pale-faced mourner whose quiet          
mourning-dress tells the story of       

bereavement without giving us the       
painful feeling that crape is too thick1
 or bombazine too heavy1 for comfort4   
,exaggeration is to be deprecated in    
mourning as in everything4  ,the        
discarding of mourning should be        
effected by gradations4 ,it shocks      
persons of good taste to see a          
light-hearted young widow jump into     
colors1 as if she had been counting the 
hours4 ,if black is to be dispensed     
with1 let its retirement be slowly and  
gracefully marked by quiet costumes1 as 
the feeling of grief1 yielding to the   
kindly influence of time1 is shaded off 
into resignation and cheerfulness4 ,we  
do not forget our dead1 but we mourn for
 them with a feeling which no longer    
partakes of anguish4  ,before a funeral 
the ladies of a family see no one but   
the most intimate friends4 ,the         
gentlemen1 of course1 must see the      
clergyman and officials who manage the  
ceremony4 ,it is now the almost         
universal practice to carry the remains 

to a church1 where the friends of the   
family can pay the last tribute of      
respect without crowding into a private 
house4 ,pallbearers are invited by note1
 and assemble at the house of the       
deceased1 accompanying the remains1     
after the ceremonies at the church1 to  
their final resting-place4 ,the nearest 
lady friends seldom go to the church or 
to the grave4 ,this is1 however1        
entirely a matter of feeling1 and they  
can go if they wish4 ,after the funeral 
only the members of the family return to
 the house1 and it is not expected that 
a bereaved wife or mother will see any  
one other than the members of her family
 for several weeks4  ,the preparations  
for a funeral in the house are committed
 to the care of an undertaker1 who      
removes the furniture from the          
drawing-room1 filling all the space     
possible with camp-stools4 ,the         
clergyman reads the service at the head 
of the coffin1 the relatives being      
grouped around4 ,the body1 if not       

disfigured by disease1 is often dressed 
in the clothes worn in life1 and laid in
 an open casket1 as if reposing on a    
sofa1 and all friends are asked to take 
a last look4 ,it is1 however1 a somewhat
 ghastly proceeding to try to make the  
dead look like the living4 ,the body of 
a man is usually dressed in black4 ,a   
young boy is laid out in his every-day  
clothes1 but surely the young of both   
sexes look more fitly clad in the white 
cashmere robe4  ,the custom of          
decorating the coffin with flowers is a 
beautiful one1 but has been1 in large   
cities1 so overdone1 and so purely a    
matter of money1 that now the request is
 generally made that no flowers be sent4
  ,in ,england a lady of the court      
wears1 for her parent1 crape and        
bombazine 7or its equivalent in any     
lustreless cloth7 for three months4 ,she
 goes nowhere during that period4 ,after
 that she wears lustreless silks1       
trimmed with crape and jet1 and goes to 
court if commanded4 ,she can also go to 

concerts without violating etiquette1 or
 to family weddings4 ,after six months  
she again reduces her mourning to black 
and white1 and can attend the           
drawing-room or go to small dinners4    
,for a husband the time is exactly      
doubled1 but in neither case should the 
widow be seen at a ball1 a theatre1 or  
an opera until after one year has       
elapsed4  ,in this country no person in 
mourning for a parent1 a child1 a       
brother1 or a husband1 is expected to be
 seen at a concert1 a dinner1 a party1  
or at any other place of public         
amusement1 before three months have     
passed1 ,after that one may be seen at a
 concert4 ,but to go to the opera1 or a 
dinner1 or a party1 before six months   
have elapsed1 is considered heartless   
and disrespectful4 ,indeed1 a deep      
mourning-dress at such a place is an    
unpleasant anomaly4 ,if one choose1 as  
many do1 not to wear mourning1 then they
 can go unchallenged to any place of    
amusement1 for they have asserted their 

right to be independent2 but if they put
 on mourning they must respect its      
etiquette1 ,by many who sorrow deeply1  
and who regard the crape and solemn     
dress as a mark of respect to the dead1 
it is deemed almost a sin for a woman to
 go into the street1 to drive1 or to    
walk1 for two years1 without a deep     
crape veil over her face4 ,it is a      
common remark of the censorious that a  
person who lightens her mourning before 
that time did not care much for the     
deceased2 and many people hold the fact 
that a widow or an orphan wears her     
crape for two years to be greatly to her
 credit4  ,of course1 no one can say    
that a woman should not wear mourning   
all her life if she choose1 but it is a 
serious question whether in so doing she
 does not injure the welfare and        
happiness of the living4 ,children1 as  
we have said1 are often strangely       
affected by this shrouding of their     
mothers1 and men always dislike it4     
,common-sense and common decency1       

however1 should restrain the frivolous  
from engaging much in the amusements and
 gayeties of life before six months have
 passed after the death of any near     
friend4 ,if they pretend to wear black  
at all1 they cannot be too scrupulous in
 respecting the restraint which it      
imposes4  ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,mourning  
,,and ,,funeral ,,usages4  ,nothing in  
our country is more undecided in the    
public mind than the etiquette of       
mourning4 ,it has not yet received that 
hereditary and positive character which 
makes the slightest departure from      
received custom so reprehensible in     
,england4 ,we have not the mutes1 or the
 nodding feathers of the hearse1 that   
still form part of the ,english funeral 
equipage2 nor is the rank of the poor   
clay which travels to its last home     
illustrated by the pomp and ceremony of 
its departure4 ,still1 in answer to some
 pertinent questions1 we will offer a   
few desultory remarks1 beginning with   
the end1 as it were--the return of the  

mourner to the world4  ,when persons who
 have been in mourning wish to re-enter 
society1 they should leave cards on all 
their friends and acquaintances1 as an  
intimation that they are equal to the   
paying and receiving of calls4 ,until   
this intimation is given1 society will  
not venture to intrude upon the         
mourner's privacy4 ,in eases where cards
 of inquiry have been left1 with the    
words ,to inquire written on the top of 
the card1 these cards should be replied 
to by cards with ,thanks for kind       
inquiries written upon them2 but if     
cards for inquiry had not been left1    
this form can be omitted4  ,of course   
there is a kind of complimentary        
mourning which does not necessitate     
seclusion--that which is worn out of    
respect to a husband's relative whom one
 may never have seen4 ,but no one       
wearing a heavy crape veil should go to 
a gay reception1 a wedding1 or a        
theatre2 the thing is incongruous4      
,still less should mourning prevent one 

from taking proper recreation3 the more 
the heart aches1 the more should one try
 to gain cheerfulness and composure1 to 
hear music1 to see faces which one      
loves3 this is a duty1 not merely a wise
 and sensible rule4 ,yet it is well to  
have some established customs as to     
visiting and dress in order that the gay
 and the heartless may in observing them
 avoid that which shocks every one--an  
appearance of lack of respect to the    
memory of the dead--that all society may
 move on in decency and order1 which is 
the object and end of the study of      
etiquette4  ,a heartless wife who1      
instead of being grieved at the death of
 her husband1 is rejoiced at it1 should 
be taught that society will not respect 
her unless she pays to the memory of the
 man whose name she bears that homage   
which vice pays to virtue1 a commendable
 respect to the usages of society in the
 matter of mourning and of retirement   
from the world4 ,mourning garments have 
this use1 that they are a shield to the 

real mourner1 and they are often a      
curtain of respectability to the person 
who should be a mourner but is not4 ,we 
shall therefore borrow from the best    
,english and ,american authorities what 
we believe to be the most recent usages 
in the etiquette of mourning4  ,as for  
periods of mourning1 we are told that a 
widow's mourning should last eighteen   
months1 although in ,england it is      
somewhat lightened in twelve4 ,for the  
first six months the dress should be of 
crape cloth1 or ,henrietta cloth covered
 entirely with crape1 collar and cuffs  
of white crape1 a crape bonnet with a   
long crape veil1 and a widow's cap of   
white crape if preferred4 ,in ,america1 
however1 widows' caps are not as        
universally worn as in ,england4 ,dull  
black kid gloves are worn in first      
mourning2 after that gants de ,suede or 
silk gloves are proper1 particularly in 
summer4 ,after six months' mourning the 
crape can be removed1 and grenadine1    
copeau fringe1 and dead trimmings used1 

if the smell of crape is offensive1 as  
it is to some people4 ,after twelve     
months the widow's cap is left off1 and 
the heavy veil is exchanged for a       
lighter one1 and the dress can be of    
silk grenadine1 plain black gros-grain1 
or crape-trimmed cashmere with jet      
trimmings1 and crpe lisse about the neck
 and sleeves4  ,all kinds of black fur  
and seal-skin are worn in deep mourning4
  ,mourning for a father or mother      
should last one year4 ,during half a    
year should be worn ,henrietta cloth or 
serge trimmed with crape1 at first with 
black tulle at the wrists and neck4 ,a  
deep veil is worn at the back of the    
bonnet1 but not over the head or face   
like the widow's veil1 which covers the 
entire person when down4 ,this fashion  
is very much objected to by doctors1 who
 think many diseases of the eye come by 
this means1 and advise for common use   
thin nun's-veiling instead of crape1    
which sheds its pernicious dye into the 
sensitive nostrils1 producing catarrhal 

disease as well as blindness and        
cataract of the eye4 ,it is a thousand  
pities that fashion dictates the crape  
veil1 but so it is4 ,it is the very     
banner of woe1 and no one has the       
courage to go without it4 ,we can only  
suggest to mourners wearing it that they
 should pin a small veil of black tulle 
over the eyes and nose1 and throw back  
the heavy crape as often as possible1   
for health's sake4  ,jet ornaments alone
 should be worn for eighteen months1    
unless diamonds set as mementoes are    
used4 ,for half-mourning1 a bonnet of   
silk or chip1 trimmed with crape and    
ribbon4 ,mourning flowers1 and crpe     
lisse at the hands and wrists1 lead the 
way to gray1 mauve1 and white-and-black 
toilettes after the second year4        
,mourning for a brother or sister may be
 the same2 for a stepfather or          
stepmother the same2 for grandparents   
the same2 but the duration may be       
shorter4 ,in ,england this sort of      
respectful mourning only lasts three    

months4  ,mourning for children should  
last nine months1 ,the first three the  
dress should be crape-trimmed1 the      
mourning less deep than that for a      
husband4 ,no one is ever ready to take  
off mourning2 therefore these rules have
 this advantage--they enable the friends
 around a grief-stricken mother to tell 
her when is the time to make her dress  
more cheerful1 which she is bound to do 
for the sake of the survivors1 many of  
whom are perhaps affected for life by   
seeing a mother always in black4 ,it is 
well for mothers to remember this when  
sorrow for a lost child makes all the   
earth seem barren to them4  ,we are     
often asked whether letters of          
condolence should be written on         
black-edged paper4 ,decidedly not1      
unless the writer is in black4 ,the     
telegraph now flashes messages of       
respect and sympathy across sea and land
 like a voice from the heart4 ,perhaps  
it is better than any other word of     
sympathy1 although all who can should   

write to a bereaved person4 ,there is no
 formula possible for these letters2    
they must be left to the individual's   
good taste1 and perhaps the simplest and
 least conventional are the best4 ,a    
card with a few words pencilled on it   
has often been the best letter of       
condolence4  ,in ,france a long and     
deeply edged mourning letter or address1
 called a faire part1 is sent to every  
one known to the family to advise them  
of a death4 ,in this country that is not
 done1 although some mention of the     
deceased is generally sent to friends in
 ,europe who would not otherwise hear of
 the death4  ,wives wear mourning for   
the relatives of their husbands         
precisely as they would for their own1  
as would husbands for the relatives of  
their wives4 ,widowers wear mourning for
 their wives two years in ,england2 here
 only one year4 ,widowers go into       
society at a much earlier date than     
widows1 it being a received rule that   
all gentlemen in mourning for relatives 

go into society very much sooner than   
ladies4  ,ladies of the family attend   
the funeral of a relative if they are   
able to do so1 and wear their deepest   
mourning4 ,servants are usually put in  
mourning for the head of the            
family--sometimes for any member of it4 
,they should wear a plain black livery  
and weeds on their hats2 the inside     
lining of the family carriage should    
also be of black4  ,the period of       
mourning for an aunt or uncle or cousin 
is of three months' duration1 and that  
time at least should elapse before the  
family go out or into gay company1 or   
are seen at theatres or operas1 etc4    
,we now come to the saddest part of our 
subject1 the consideration of the dead  
body1 so dear1 yet so soon to leave us2 
so familiar1 yet so far away--the       
cast-off dress1 the beloved clay4 ,dust 
to dust1 ashes to ashes6  ,as for the   
coffin1 it is simpler than formerly2    
and1 while lined with satin and made    
with care1 it is plain on the           

outside--black cloth1 with silver plate 
for the name1 and silver handles1 being 
in the most modern taste4 ,there are but
 few of the trappings of woe4 ,at the   
funeral of ,general ,grant1 twice a     
,president1 and regarded as the saviour 
of his country1 there was a gorgeous    
catafalque of purple velvet1 but at the 
ordinary funeral there are none of these
 trappings4 ,if our richest citizen were
 to die to-morrow1 he would probably be 
buried plainly4 ,yet it is touching to  
see with what fidelity the poorest      
creature tries to bury her dead dacent4 
,the destitute ,irish woman begs for a  
few dollars for this sacred duty1 and   
seldom in vain4 ,it is a duty for the   
rich to put down ostentation in         
funerals1 for it is an expense which    
comes heavily on those who have poverty 
added to grief4  ,in dressing the       
remains for the grave1 those of a man   
are usually clad in his habit as he     
lived4 ,for a woman1 tastes differ3 a   
white robe and cap1 not necessarily     

shroudlike1 are decidedly               
unexceptionable4 ,for young persons and 
children white cashmere robes and       
flowers are always most appropriate4    
,the late cardinal1 whose splendid      
obsequies and whose regal lying in state
 were in keeping with his high rank and 
the gorgeous ceremonial of his ,church1 
was strongly opposed to the profuse use 
of flowers at funerals1 and requested   
that none be sent to deck his lifeless  
clay4 ,he was a modest and humble man1  
and always on the right side in these   
things2 therefore let his advice        
prevail4 ,a few flowers placed in the   
dead hand1 perhaps a simple wreath1 but 
not those unmeaning memorials which have
 become to real mourners such sad       
perversities of good taste1 such a      
misuse of flowers4 ,let those who can   
afford to send such things devote the   
money to the use of poor mothers who    
cannot afford to buy a coffin for a dead
 child or a coat for a living one4  ,in 
the course of a month after a death all 

friends of the deceased are expected to 
leave cards on the survivors1 and it is 
discretionary whether these be written  
on or not4 ,these cards should be       
carefully preserved1 that1 when the     
mourner is ready to return to the world1
 they may be properly acknowledged4     
,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,letters ,,of       
,,condolence4  ,probably no branch of   
the epistolary art has ever given to    
friendly hearts so much perplexity as   
that which has to do with writing to    
friends in affliction4 ,it is delightful
 to sit down and wish anybody joy2 to   
overflow with congratulatory phrases    
over a favorable bit of news2 to say how
 glad you are that your friend is       
engaged or married1 or has inherited a  
fortune1 has written a successful book1 
or has painted an immortal picture4 ,joy
 opens the closet of language1 and the  
gems of expression are easily found2 but
 the fountain of feeling being chilled  
by the uncongenial atmosphere of grief1 
by the sudden horror of death1 or the   

more terrible breath of dishonor or     
shame1 or even by the cold blast of     
undeserved misfortune1 leaves the       
individual sympathizer in a mood of     
perplexity and of sadness which is of   
itself a most discouraging frame of mind
 for the inditing of a letter4  ,and yet
 we sympathize with our friend3 we      
desire to tell him so4 ,we want to say1 
,my friend1 your grief is my grief2     
nothing can hurt you that does not hurt 
me4 ,i cannot1 of course1 enter into all
 your feelings1 but to stand by and see 
you hurt1 and remain unmoved myself1 is 
impossible4 ,all this we wish to say2   
but how shall we say it that our words  
may not hurt him a great deal more than 
he is hurt already8 ,how shall we lay   
our hand so tenderly on that sore spot  
that we may not inflict a fresh wound8  
,how can we say to a mother who bends   
over a fresh grave1 that we regret the  
loss she has sustained in the death of  
her child8 ,can language measure the    
depth1 the height1 the immensity1 the   

bitterness of that grief8 ,what shall we
 say that is not trite and              
commonplace--even unfeeling8 ,shall we  
be pagan1 and say that whom the gods    
love die young1 or ,christian1 and      
remark that ,god does not willingly     
afflict the children of men8 ,she has   
thought of that1 she has heard it1 alas6
 often before--but too often1 as she    
thinks now4  ,shall we tell her what she
 has lost--how good1 how loving1 how    
brave1 how admirable was the spirit     
which has just left the flesh8 ,alas6   
how well she knows that6 ,how her tears 
well up as she remembers the silent     
fortitude1 the heroic patience under the
 pain that was to kill6 ,shall we quote 
ancient philosophers and modern poets8  
,they have all dwelt at greater or less 
length upon death and the grave4 ,or    
shall we say1 in simple and             
unpremeditated words1 the thoughts which
 fill our own minds8  ,the person who   
has to write this letter may be a ready 
writer1 who finds fit expression at the 

point of his pen1 and who overflows with
 the language of consolation--such a one
 needs no advice2 but to the hundreds   
who do need help we would say that the  
simplest expressions are the best4 ,a   
distant friend1 upon one of these       
occasions1 wrote a letter as brief as   
brief might be1 but of its kind         
altogether perfect4 ,it ran thus3 ,i    
have heard of your great grief1 and ,i  
send you a simple pressure of the hand4 
,coming from a gay and volatile person1 
it had for the mourner great            
consolation2 pious quotations1 and even 
the commonplaces of condolence1 would   
have seemed forced4 ,undoubtedly those  
persons do us great good1 or they wish  
to1 who tell us to be resigned--that we 
have deserved this affliction2 that we  
suffer now1 but that our present        
sufferings are nothing to what our      
future sufferings shall be2 that we are 
only entering the portals of agony1 and 
that every day will reveal to us the    
magnitude of our loss4 ,such is the     

formula which certain persons use1 under
 the title of letters of condolence4 ,it
 is the wine mixed with gall which they 
gave our ,lord to drink2 and as ,he     
refused it1 so may we4 ,there are1 no   
doubt1 persons of a gloomy and a        
religious temperament combined who      
delight in such phrases2 who quote the  
least consolatory of the texts of       
,scripture2 who roll our grief as a     
sweet morsel under their tongues2 who   
really envy the position of chief       
mourner as one of great dignity and     
considerable consequence2 who consider  
crape and bombazine as a sort of royal  
mantle conferring distinction4 ,there   
are many such people in the world4      
,dickens and ,anthony ,trollope have put
 them into novels--solemn and ridiculous
 ,malvolios2 they exist in nature1 in   
literature1 and in art4 ,it adds a new  
terror to death when we reflect that    
such persons will not fail to make it   
the occasion of letter-writing4  ,but   
those who write to us strongly and      

cheerfully1 who do not dwell so much on 
our grief as on our remaining           
duties--they are the people who help us4
 ,to advise a mourner to go out into the
 sun1 to resume his work1 to help the   
poor1 and1 above all1 to carry on the   
efforts1 to emulate the virtues of the  
deceased--this is comfort4 ,it is a very
 dear and consoling thing to a bereaved 
friend to hear the excellence of the    
departed extolled1 to read and re-read  
all of the precious testimony which is  
borne by outsiders to the saintly life  
ended--and there are few so hard-hearted
 as not to find something good to say of
 the dead3 it is the impulse of human   
nature2 it underlies all our philosophy 
and our religion2 it is the stretching  
out of a hand1 and it comforts the      
afflicted4 ,but what shall we say to    
those on whom disgrace has laid its     
heavy1 defiling hand8 ,is it well to    
write to them at all8 ,shall we not be  
mistaken for those who prowl like       
jackals round a grave1 and will not our 

motives be misunderstood8 ,is not       
sympathy sometimes malice in disguise8  
,does not the phrase ,i am so sorry for 
you6 sometimes sound like ,i am so glad 
for myself8 ,undoubtedly it does2 but a 
sincere friend should not be restrained1
 through fear that his motive may be    
mistaken1 from saying that he wishes to 
bear some part of the burden4 ,let him  
show that the unhappy man is in his     
thoughts1 that he would like to help1   
that he would be glad to see him1 or    
take him out1 or send him a book1 or at 
least write him a letter4 ,such a wish  
as this will hurt no one4               
,philosophy--some quaint and dry bit of 
old ,seneca1 or modern                  
,rochefoucauld--has often helped a      
struggling heart when disgrace1 deserved
 or undeserved1 has placed the soul in  
gyves of iron4 ,sympathetic persons1 of 
narrow minds and imperfect education1   
often have the gift of being able to say
 most consolatory things4 ,irish        
servants1 for instance1 rarely hurt the 

feelings of a mourner4 ,they burst out  
in the language of ,nature1 and1 if it  
is sometimes grotesque1 it is almost    
always comforting4 ,it is the educated  
and conscientious person who finds the  
writing of a letter of condolence       
difficult4  ,perhaps much of our dread  
of death is the result of a false       
education1 and the wearing of black may 
after all be a mistake4 ,at the moment  
when we need bright colors1 fresh       
flowers1 sunshine1 and beauty1 we hide  
ourselves behind crape veils and make   
our garments heavy with ashes2 but as it
 is conventional it is in one way a     
protection1 and is therefore proper4 ,no
 one feels like varying the expressions 
of a grief which has the ,anglo-,saxon  
seriousness in it1 the ,scandinavian    
melancholy of a people from whom ,nature
 hides herself behind a curtain of      
night4 ,to the sunny and graceful ,greek
 the road of the dead was the ,via      
,felice2 it was the happy way1 the gate 
of flowers2 the tombs were furnished as 

the houses were1 with images of the     
beloved1 and the veriest trifles which  
the deceased had loved4 ,one wonders1 as
 the tomb of a child is opened on the   
road out of ,tanagra1 near ,athens1 and 
the toys and hobby-horse and little     
shoes are found therein1 if1 after all1 
that father and mother were not wiser   
than we who1 like ,constance1 stuff out 
his vacant garments with his form4 ,is  
there not something quite unenlightened 
in the persistence with which we connect
 death with gloom8  ,our correspondents 
often ask us when a letter of condolence
 should be written8 ,as soon as         
possible4 ,do not be afraid to intrude  
on any grief1 ,it is generally a welcome
 distraction2 to even the most morbid   
mourner1 to read a letter2 and those who
 are ,so stunned by grief as not to be  
able to write or to read will always    
have some willing soul near them who    
will read and answer for them4  ,the    
afflicted1 however1 should never be     
expected to answer letters1 ,they can   

and should receive the kindest and the  
most prompt that their friends can      
indite1 ,often a phrase on which the    
writer has built no hope may be the     
airy-bridge over which the sorrowing    
soul returns slowly and blindly to peace
 and resignation4 ,who would miss the   
chance1 be it one in ten thousand1 of   
building such a bridge8 ,those who have 
suffered and been strong1 those whom we 
love and respect1 those who have the    
honest faith in human nature which      
enables them to read aright the riddle  
of this strange world1 those who by     
faith walk over burning ploughshares and
 dread no evil1 those are the people who
 write the best letters of condolence4  
,they do not dwell on our grief1 or     
exaggerate it1 although they are        
evidently writing to us with a lump in  
the throat and a tear in the eye--they  
do not say so1 but we feel it4 ,they    
tell us of the certain influence of     
time1 which will change our present     
grief into our future joy4 ,they say a  

few beautiful words of the friend whom  
we have lost1 recount their own loss in 
him in a few fitting words of earnest   
sympathy which may carry consolation1 if
 only by the wish of the writer4 ,they  
beg of us to be patient4 ,god has       
brought life and immortality to light   
through death1 and to those whom he has 
thought worthy to endure1 this thought  
may ever form the basis of a letter of  
condolence4  ,give me1 said the dying   
,herder1 a great thought1 that ,i may   
console myself with that4 ,it is a      
present of no mean value1 a great       
thought2 and if every letter of         
condolence could bear with it one broad 
phrase of honest sympathy it would be a 
blessed instrumentality for carrying    
patience and resignation1 peace and     
comfort1 into those dark places where   
the sufferer is eating his heart out    
with grief1 or where ,rachel weeps for  
her children1 and will not be comforted1
 because they are not4  ,,chapter       
,,xxiv4 ,,chaperons ,,and ,,their       

,,duties4  ,it is strange that the      
,americans1 so prone to imitate ,british
 customs1 have been slow to adopt that  
law of ,english society which pronounces
 a chaperon an indispensable adjunct of 
every unmarried young woman4  ,the      
readers of ,little ,dorrit will recall  
the exceedingly witty sketch of ,mrs4   
,general1 who taught her young ladies to
 form their mouths into a lady-like     
pattern by saying papa1 potatoes1       
prunes1 and prism4 ,dickens knew very   
little of society1 and cared very little
 for its laws1 and his ladies and       
gentlemen were pronounced in ,england to
 be as great failures as his ,little    
,nells and ,dick ,swivellers were       
successes2 but he recognized the        
universality of chaperons4 ,his portrait
 of ,mrs4 ,general 7the first luxury    
which ,mr4 ,dorrit allowed himself after
 inheriting his fortune7 shows how      
universal is the necessity of a chaperon
 in ,english society1 and on the        
,continent1 to the proper introduction  

of young ladies1 and how entirely their 
style depends upon their chaperon4 ,of  
course ,dickens made her funny1 of      
course he made her ridiculous1 but he   
put her there4 ,an ,american novelist   
would not have thought it worth         
mentioning1 nor would an ,american papa 
with two motherless daughters have      
thought it necessary1 if he travelled   
with them1 to have a chaperon for his   
daughters4  ,of course1 a mother is the 
natural chaperon of her daughters1 and  
if she understand her duties and the    
usages of society there is nothing      
further to be said4 ,but the trouble is 
that many ,american mothers are         
exceedingly careless on this point4 ,we 
need not point to the wonderful ,mrs4   
,miller--,daisy's mother--in ,henry     
,james1 ,jr4's1 photograph of a large   
class of ,american matrons--a woman who 
loved her daughter1 knew how to take    
care of her when she was ill1 but did   
not know in the least how to take care  
of her when she was well2 who allowed   

her to go about with young men alone1 to
 get engaged1 if so she pleased1 and    
who1 arriving at a party after her      
daughter had appeared1 rather apologized
 for coming at all4 ,all this is        
notoriously true1 and comes of our crude
 civilization4 ,it is the transition    
state4 ,until we learn better1 we must  
expect to be laughed at on the ,pincian 
,hill1 and we must expect ,english      
novelists to paint pictures of us which 
we resent1 and ,french dramatists to    
write plays in which we see ourselves   
held up as savages4  ,europeans have    
been in the habit of taking care of     
young girls1 as if they were the        
precious porcelain of human clay4 ,the  
,american mamma treats her beautiful    
daughter as if she were a very common   
piece of delft indeed1 and as if she    
could drift down the stream of life1    
knocking all other vessels to pieces1   
but escaping injury to herself4  ,owing 
to the very remarkable and strong sense 
of propriety which ,american women      

innately possess--their truly healthy   
love of virtue1 the absence of any      
morbid suspicion of wrong--this rule has
 worked better than any one would have  
dared hope4 ,owing1 also1 to the        
exceptionally respectful and chivalrous 
nature of ,american men1 it has been    
possible for a young lady to travel     
unattended from ,maine to ,georgia1 or  
anywhere within the new geographical    
limits of our social growth4 ,mr4       
,howells founded a romance upon this    
principle1 that ,american women do not  
need a chaperon4 ,yet we must remember  
that all the black sheep are not killed 
yet1 and we must also remember that     
propriety must be more attended to as we
 cease to be a young and primitive      
nation1 and as we enter the lists of the
 rich1 cultivated1 luxurious people of  
the earth4  ,little as we may care for  
the opinion of foreigners we do not wish
 our young ladies to appear in their    
eyes in a false attitude1 and one of the
 first necessities of a proper attitude1

 one of the first demands of a polished 
society1 is the presence of a chaperon4 
,she should be a lady old enough to be  
the mother of her charge1 and of        
unexceptionable manner4 ,she must know  
society thoroughly herself1 and respect 
its laws4 ,she should be above the      
suspicion of reproach in character1 and 
devoted to her work4 ,in ,england there 
are hundreds of widows of half-pay      
officers--well-born1 well-trained1      
well-educated women--who can be hired   
for money1 as was ,mrs4 ,general1 to    
play this part4 ,there is no such class 
in ,america1 but there is almost always 
a lady who will gladly perform the task 
of chaperoning motherless girls without 
remuneration4  ,it is not considered    
proper in ,england for a widowed father 
to place an unmarried daughter at the   
head of his house without the           
companionship of a resident chaperon1   
and there are grave objections to its   
being done here4 ,we have all known     
instances where such liberty has been   

very bad for young girls1 and where it  
has led to great scandals which the     
presence of a chaperon would have       
averted4  ,the duties of a chaperon are 
very hard and unremitting1 and sometimes
 very disagreeable4 ,she must accompany 
her young lady everywhere2 she must sit 
in the parlor when she receives         
gentlemen2 she must go with her to the  
skating-rink1 the ball1 the party1 the  
races1 the dinners1 and especially to   
theatre parties2 she must preside at the
 table1 and act the part of a mother1 so
 far as she can2 she must watch the     
characters of the men who approach her  
charge1 and endeavor to save the        
inexperienced girl from the dangers of a
 bad marriage1 if possible4 ,to perform 
this feat1 and not to degenerate into a 
,spanish duenna1 a dragon1 or a ,mrs4   
,general--who was simply a fool--is a   
very difficult task4  ,no doubt a       
vivacious ,american girl1 with all her  
inherited hatred of authority1 is a     
troublesome charge4 ,all young people   

are rebels4 ,they dislike being watched 
and guarded4 ,they have no idea what    
,hesperidean fruit they are1 and they   
object to the dragon decidedly4  ,but a 
wise1 well-tempered woman can manage the
 situation4 ,if she have tact1 a        
chaperon will add very much to the      
happiness of her young charge4 ,she will
 see that the proper men are introduced2
 that her young lady is provided with a 
partner for the german2 that she is     
asked to nice places2 that she goes well
 dressed and properly accompanied2 that 
she gives the return ball herself in    
handsome style4  ,i owe1 said a wealthy 
widower in ,new ,york1 whose daughters  
all made remarkably happy marriages--,i 
owe all their happiness to ,mrs4        
,constant1 whom ,i was so fortunate as  
to secure as their chaperon4 ,she knew  
society 7which ,i did not71 as if it    
were in her pocket4 ,she knew exactly   
what girls ought to do1 and she was so  
agreeable herself that they never       
disliked having her with them4 ,she was 

very rigid1 too1 and would not let them 
stay late at balls2 but they loved and  
respected her so much that they never   
rebelled1 and now they love her as if   
she were really their mother4  ,a woman 
of elegant manners and of charming      
character1 who will submit to the       
slavery--for it is little less--of being
 a chaperon1 is hard to find2 yet every 
motherless family should try to secure  
such a person4 ,in travelling in        
,europe1 an accomplished chaperon can do
 more for young girls than any amount of
 fortune4 ,she has the thing they       
want--that is1 knowledge4 ,with her they
 can go everywhere--to                  
picture-galleries1 theatres1 public and 
private balls1 and into society1 if they
 wish it4 ,it is etiquette to have a    
chaperon1 and it is the greatest        
violation of it not to have one4  ,if a 
woman is protected by the armor of work1
 she can dispense with a chaperon4 ,the 
young artist goes about her copying     
unquestioned1 but in society1 with its  

different laws1 she must be under the   
care of an older woman than herself4  ,a
 chaperon is indispensable to an engaged
 girl4 ,the mother1 or some lady friend1
 should always accompany a young fiance 
on her journeys to the various places of
 amusement and to the watering-places4  
,nothing is more vulgar in the eyes of  
our modern society than for an engaged  
couple to travel together or to go to   
the theatre unaccompanied1 as was the   
primitive custom4 ,this will1 we know1  
shock many ,americans1 and be called a  
foolish following of foreign fashions4  
,but it is true2 and1 if it were only   
for the looks of the thing1 it is more  
decent1 more elegant1 and more correct  
for the young couple to be accompanied  
by a chaperon until married4 ,society   
allows an engaged girl to drive with her
 fianc in an open carriage1 but it does 
not approve of his taking her in a close
 carriage to an evening party4  ,there  
are non-resident chaperons who are most 
popular and most useful4 ,thus1 one     

mamma or elderly lady may chaperon a    
number of young ladies to a dinner1 or a
 drive on a coach1 a sail down the bay1 
or a ball at ,west ,point4 ,this lady   
looks after all her young charges1 and  
attends to their propriety and their    
happiness4 ,she is the guardian angel1  
for the moment1 of their conduct4 ,it is
 a care which young men always admire   
and respect--this of a kind1 well-bred  
chaperon1 who does not allow the        
youthful spirits of her charges to run  
away with them4  ,the chaperon1 if an   
intelligent woman1 and with the sort of 
social talent which a chaperon ought to 
have1 is the best friend of a family of 
shy girls4 ,she brings them forward1 and
 places them in a position in which they
 can enjoy society2 for there is a great
 deal of tact required in a large city  
to make a retiring girl enjoy herself4  
,society demands a certain amount of    
handling1 which only the social expert  
understands4 ,to this the chaperon      
should be equal4 ,there are some women  

who have a social talent which is simply
 ,napoleonic4 ,they manage it as a great
 general does his corps de bataille4    
,again1 there are bad chaperons4 ,a     
flirtatious married woman who is        
thinking of herself only1 and who takes 
young girls about merely to enable      
herself to lead a gay life 7and the     
world is full of such women71 is worse  
than no chaperon at all4 ,she is not a  
protection to the young lady1 and she   
disgusts the honorable men who would    
like to approach her charge4 ,a very    
young chaperon1 bent on pleasure1 who   
undertakes to make respectable the      
coaching party1 but who has no dignity  
of character to impress upon it1 is a   
very poor one4 ,many of the most        
flagrant violations of propriety1 in    
what is called the fashionable set1 have
 arisen from this choice of young       
chaperons1 which is a mere begging of   
the question1 and no chaperonage at all4
  ,too much champagne is drunk1 too late
 hours are kept1 silly stories are      

circulated1 and appearances are         
disregarded by these gay girls and their
 young chaperons2 and yet they dislike  
very much to see themselves afterwards  
held up to ridicule in the pages of a   
magazine by an ,englishman1 whose every 
sentiment of propriety1 both educated   
and innate1 has been shocked by their   
conduct4  ,a young ,frenchman who       
visited ,america a few years ago formed 
the worst judgment of ,american women   
because he met one alone at an artist's 
studio4 ,he misinterpreted the          
profoundly sacred and corrective        
influences of art4 ,it had not occurred 
to the lady that if she went to see a   
picture she would be suspected of       
wishing to see the artist4 ,still1 the  
fact that such a mistake could be made  
should render ladies careful of even the
 appearance of evil4  ,a chaperon should
 in her turn remember that she must not 
open a letter1 ,she must not exercise an
 unwise surveillance4 ,she must not     
suspect her charge4 ,all that sort of   

,spanish espionage is always outwitted4 
,the most successful chaperons are those
 who love their young charges1 respect  
them1 try to be in every way what the   
mother would have been4 ,of course1 all 
relations of this sort are open to many 
drawbacks on both sides1 but it is not  
impossible that it may be an agreeable  
relation1 if both parties exercise a    
little tact4  ,in selecting a chaperon  
for a young charge1 let parents or      
guardians be very particular as to the  
past history of the lady4 ,if she has   
ever been talked about1 ever suffered   
the bad reputation of flirt or coquette1
 do not think of placing her in that    
position4 ,clubs have long memories1 and
 the fate of more than one young heiress
 has been imperilled by an injudicious  
choice of a chaperon4 ,if any woman     
should have a spotless record and       
admirable character it should be the    
chaperon4 ,it will tell against her     
charge if she have not4 ,certain needy  
women who have been ladies1 and who     

precariously attach to society through  
their families1 are always seeking for  
some young heiress4 ,these women are    
very poor chaperons1 and should be      
avoided4  ,this business of chaperonage 
is a point which demands attention on   
the part of careless ,american mothers4 
,no mother should be oblivious of her   
duty in this respect4 ,it does not imply
 that she doubts her daughter's honor or
 truth1 or that she thinks she needs    
watching1 but it is proper and          
respectable and necessary that she      
should appear by her daughter's side in 
society4 ,the world is full of traps4   
,it is impossible to be too careful of  
the reputation of a young lady1 and it  
improves the tone of society vastly if  
an elegant and respectable woman of     
middle age accompanies every young      
party4 ,it goes far to silence the      
ceaseless clatter of gossip2 it is the  
antidote to scandal2 it makes the air   
clearer2 and1 above all1 it improves the
 character1 the manners1 and elevates   

the minds of the young people who are so
 happy as to enjoy the society and to   
feel the authority of a cultivated1     
wise1 and good chaperon4  ,,chapter     
,,xxv4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,elderly      
,,girls4  ,a brisk correspondent writes 
to us that she finds our restrictions as
 to the etiquette which single women    
should follow somewhat embarrassing4    
,being now thirty-five1 and at the head 
of her father's house1 with no intention
 of ever marrying1 she asks if she      
requires a chaperon2 if it is necessary 
that she should observe the severe      
self-denial of not entering an artist's 
studio without a guardian angel2 if she 
must never allow a gentleman to pay for 
her theatre tickets2 if she must1 in    
short1 assume a matron's place in the   
world1 and never enjoy a matron's       
freedom4  ,from her letter we can but   
believe that this young lady of         
thirty-five is a very attractive person1
 and that she does not look her age4    
,still1 as she is at the head of her    

father's house1 etiquette does yield a  
point and allows her to judge for       
herself as to the proprieties which must
 bend to her4 ,of course with every year
 of a woman's life after twenty-five she
 becomes less and less the subject of   
chaperonage4 ,for one thing1 she is     
better able to judge of the world and   
its temptations2 in the second place1 a 
certain air which may not be less       
winning1 but which is certainly more    
mature1 has replaced the wild grace of a
 giddy girlhood4 ,she has1 with the     
assumption of years1 taken on a dignity 
which1 in its way1 is fully the         
compensation for some lost bloom4 ,many 
people prefer it4  ,but we must say here
 that she is not yet1 in ,european      
opinion1 emancipated from that          
guardianship which society dispenses    
with for the youngest widow4 ,she must  
have a companion if she is a rich woman2
 and if she is a poor one she must join 
some party of friends when she travels4 
,she can travel abroad with her maid1   

but in ,paris and other ,continental    
cities a woman still young-looking had  
better not do this4 ,she is not safe    
from insult nor from injurious suspicion
 if she signs herself ,miss ,smith1 and 
is without her mother1 an elderly       
friend1 a companion1 or party4  ,in     
,america a woman can go anywhere and do 
almost anything without fear of insult4 
,but in ,europe1 where the custom of    
chaperonage is so universal1 she must be
 more circumspect4  ,as to visiting an  
artist's studio alone1 there is in art  
itself an ennobling and purifying       
influence which should be a protection4 
,but we must not forget that saucy book 
by ,maurice ,sand1 in which its author  
says that the first thing he observed in
 ,america was that women 7even          
respectable ones7 went alone to artists'
 studios4 ,it would seem wiser1         
therefore1 that a lady1 though          
thirty-five1 should be attended in her  
visits to studios by a friend or        
companion4 ,this simple expedient       

silences envious tongues1 and avoids    
even the remotest appearance of evil4   
,in the matter of paying for tickets1 if
 a lady of thirty-five wishes to allow a
 gentleman to pay for her admission to  
picture-galleries and theatres she has  
an indisputable right to do so4 ,but we 
are not fighting for a right1 only      
defining a law of etiquette1 when we say
 that it is not generally allowed in the
 best society1 abroad or here4 ,in the  
case of young girls it is quite         
unallowable1 but in the case of a lady  
of thirty-five it may be permitted as a 
sort of camaraderie1 as one college     
friend may pay for another4 ,the point  
is1 however1 a delicate one4 ,men1 in   
the freedom of their clubs1 recount to  
each other the clever expedients which  
many women of society use to extort from
 them boxes for the opera and suppers at
 ,delmonico's4 ,a woman should remember 
that it may sometimes be very           
inconvenient to young men who are       
invited by her to go to concerts and    

theatres to pay for these pleasures4    
,many a poor fellow who has become a    
defaulter has to thank for it the lady  
who first asked him to take her to      
,delmonico's to supper4 ,he was ashamed 
to tell her that he was poor1 and he    
stole that he might not seem a churl4   
,another phase of the subject is that a 
lady in permitting a gentleman to expend
 money for her pleasures assumes an     
obligation to him which time and chance 
may render oppressive4  ,with an old    
friend1 however1 one whose claim to     
friendship is well established1 the     
conditions are changed4 ,in his case    
there can be no question of obligation1 
and a woman may accept unhesitatingly   
any of those small attentions and       
kindnesses which friendly feeling may   
prompt him to offer to her4  ,travelling
 alone with a gentleman escort was at   
one time allowed in the ,west4 ,a       
,kentucky woman of that historic period1
 before the war1 would not have         
questioned the propriety of it1 and a   

,western man of to-day still has the    
desire to pay everything1 everywhere1   
for a lady4  ,the increase in the       
population of the ,western ,states and  
the growth of a wealthy and fashionable 
society in the large towns have greatly 
modified this spirit of unwise chivalry1
 and such customs are passing away even 
on the frontier4 ,mr4 ,howells's novel1 
,the ,lady of the ,aroostook1 has       
acquainted ,american readers with the   
unkind criticism to which a young lady  
who travels in ,europe without a        
chaperon is subjected1 and we believe   
that there are few mammas who would     
desire to see their daughters in the    
position of ,miss ,lydia ,blood4  ,an   
old maid1 as our correspondent playfully
 calls herself1 may do almost anything  
without violating etiquette1 if she     
consents to become a chaperon1 and takes
 with her a younger person4 ,thus an    
aunt and niece can travel far and wide2 
the position of an elder sister is      
always dignified2 the youthful head of a

 house has a right to assert            
herself--she must do it--therefore      
etiquette bows to her 7as nice customs  
courtesy to great kings74  ,there is    
very much in the appearance of a woman4 
,it is a part of the injustice of nature
 that some people look coquettish who   
are not so4 ,bad taste in dress1 a high 
color1 a natural flow of spirits1 or a  
loud laugh have often caused a very good
 woman to be misinterpreted4 ,such a    
woman should be able to sit in judgment 
upon herself2 and remembering that in a 
great city1 at a crowded theatre1 or at 
a watering-place1 judgments must be     
hasty and superficial1 she should tone  
down her natural exuberance1 and take   
with her a female companion who is of a 
different type from herself4 ,calm and  
cold ,puritanical people may not be more
 respectable than the fresh-colored and 
laughing old maids of thirty-five1 but  
they look more so1 and in this world    
women must consult appearances4 ,an     
elderly girl must ever think how she    

looks4 ,a woman who at a watering-place 
dresses conspicuously1 wears a peignoir 
to breakfast1 dyes her hair1 or looks as
 if she did1 ties a white blond veil    
over her locks and sits on a hotel      
piazza1 showing her feet1 may be the    
best1 the most cultivated woman in the  
house1 but a superficial observer will  
not think so4 ,in the mind of every     
passer-by will lurk the feeling that she
 lacks the first grace of womanhood1    
modesty--and in the criticism of a crowd
 there is strength4 ,a man passing such 
a person1 and contrasting her with      
modestly dressed and unobtrusive ladies1
 would naturally form an unfavorable    
opinion of her2 and were she alone1 and 
her name entered on the books of the    
house as ,miss ,smith1 he would not be  
too severe if he thought her decidedly  
eccentric1 and certainly bad style4 ,if1
 however1 ,miss ,smith were very plain  
and quiet1 and dressed simply and in    
good taste1 or if she sat on the sands  
looking at the sea1 or attended an      

invalid or a younger friend1 then ,miss 
,smith might be as independent as she   
pleased3 she would suffer from no       
injurious comments4 ,even the foreigner1
 who does not believe in the            
eccentricities of the ,english mees1    
would have no word to say against her4  
,a good-looking elderly girl might say1 
,there is1 then1 a premium on ugliness2 
but that we do not mean4 ,handsome women
 can conduct themselves so well that the
 breath of reproach need not and does   
not touch them1 and ugly women may and  
do sometimes gain an undeserved         
reproach4  ,there are some people who   
are born with what we call1 for want of 
a better name1 a pinchbeck air4 ,their  
jewellery never looks like real gold2   
their manner is always bad2 they have   
the faux air of fashion1 not the real   
one4 ,such people1 especially if single1
 receive many a snub which they do not  
deserve1 and to a woman of this style a 
companion is almost necessary4          
,fortunately there are almost always two

 women who can join forces in travelling
 or in living together1 and the         
independence of such a couple is        
delightful4 ,we have repeated testimony 
in ,english literature of the pleasant  
lives of the ,ladies of ,llangollen1 of 
the lives of ,miss ,jewsbury and ,lady  
,morgan1 and of the model sisters       
,berry4 ,in our own country we have     
almost abolished the idea that a        
companion is necessary for women of     
talent who are physicians or artists or 
musicians2 but to those who are still in
 the trammels of private life we can say
 that the presence of a companion need  
not destroy their liberty1 and it may   
add very much to their respectability   
and happiness4 ,there is1 no doubt1 a   
great pleasure in the added freedom of  
life which comes to an elderly girl4 ,i 
can wear a velvet dress now1 said an    
exceedingly handsome woman on her       
thirtieth birthday4 ,in ,england an     
unmarried woman of fifty is called      
,mrs41 if she prefers that title4 ,so   

many delightful women are late in       
loving1 so many are true to some buried 
love1 so many are elderly girls from    
choice1 and from no neglect of the      
stronger sex1 that to them should be    
accorded all the respect which is       
supposed to accrue naturally to the     
married4 ,it takes a very superior woman
 to be an old maid1 said ,miss          
,sedgwick4  ,,chapter ,,xxvi4           
,,new-,,year',s ,,calls4  ,le jour de   
l'an1 as the ,french call the first day 
of ,january1 is indeed the principal day
 of the year to those who still keep up 
the custom of calling and receiving     
calls4 ,but in ,new ,york it is a custom
 which is in danger of falling into     
desuetude1 owing to the size of the city
 and the growth of its population4      
,there are1 however1 other towns and    
much country 7as the ,indians say7      
outside of ,new ,york1 and there are    
still hospitable boards at which the    
happy and the light-hearted1 the gay and
 the thoughtful1 may meet and exchange  

wishes for a happy ,new-,year4  ,to     
those who receive calls we would say    
that it is well1 if possible1 to have   
every arrangement made two or three days
 before ,new-,year's1 as the visiting   
begins early--sometimes at eleven       
o'clock--if the caller means to make a  
goodly day4 ,a lady should have her hair
 dressed for the day when she rises1 and
 if her dress be not too elaborate she  
should put it on then1 so that she may  
be in the drawing-room when the first   
visitor arrives4 ,in regard to the      
question of dress1 we should say that   
for elderly ladies black satin or       
velvet1 or any of the combination       
dresses so fashionable now1 with        
handsome lace1 and ,swedish gloves of   
pearl or tan color 7not white kids2     
these are decidedly rococo1 and not in  
fashion71 would be appropriate4 ,a black
 satin1 well made1 and trimmed with     
beaded passementerie1 is perhaps the    
handsomest dress that could be worn by  
any one4 ,brocaded silk1 plain gros     

grain1 anything that a lady would wear  
at the wedding reception of her daughter
 is suitable1 although a plain dress is 
in better taste4  ,for young ladies     
nothing is so pretty as a dress of light
 cashmere and silk1 cut high at the     
throat4 ,these dresses1 in the very     
pretty tints worn now1 are extremely    
becoming1 warm-looking1 and appropriate 
for a reception1 when the door is being 
often opened4 ,white dresses of thick   
silk or cashmere1 trimmed around the    
neck with lace1 are also very elegant4  
,in all countries young married women   
are allowed to be as magnificent as a   
picture of ,marie de ,medici1 and can   
wear on ,new-,year's day rose-colored   
and white brocaded silks1 with pearl    
trimmings1 or plain ciel blue1 or       
prawn-colored silk over white1 or       
embossed velvet1 or what they please1 so
 that the dress is cut high1 and has    
sleeves to the elbow4 ,each lady should 
have near her an ermine cloak1 or a     
small camel's-hair shawl in case of     

draughts4 ,it is not good taste to wear 
low-necked or sleeveless dresses during 
the day-time4 ,they are worn by brides  
on their wedding-day sometimes1 but at  
receptions or on ,new-,year's day       
scarcely ever4  ,while much magnificence
 is permissible1 still a plain black or 
dark silk dress1 if well made1 with     
fresh ruffles at neck and wrists1 is    
quite as proper as anything else1 and   
men generally admire it more4 ,but where
 a lady has several daughters to receive
 with her1 she should study the effect  
of her rooms1 and dress the young ladies
 in prettily contrasting colors4 ,this  
may be cheaply done by using the soft1  
fine merinoes1 which are to be had in   
all the delicate and fashionable shades4
 ,short dresses of this material are    
much used2 but now that imported dresses
 are so easily obtained1 a mother with  
many daughters to dress cannot do better
 than buy costumes similar to those worn
 by economical ,french ladies on their  
jour de l'an4 ,one article of dress is  

de rigeur4 ,with whatever style of      
costume1 gloves must be worn4  ,a lady  
who expects to have many calls1 and who 
wishes to offer refreshments1 should    
have hot tea and coffee and a bowl of   
punch on a convenient table2 or1 better 
still1 a silver kettle filled with      
bouillon standing in the hall1 so that a
 gentleman coming in or going out can   
take a cup of it unsolicited4 ,if she   
lives in an ,english basement house1    
this table can be in the lower          
dining-room4 ,in a house three rooms    
deep the table and all the refreshments 
can be in the usual dining-room or in   
the upper back-parlor4 ,of course1 her  
grand spread can be as gorgeous as she  
pleases4 ,hot oysters1 salads1 boned    
turkey1 quail1 and hot terrapin1 with   
wines ad libitum1 are offered by the    
wealthy2 but this is a difficult table  
to keep in order when ten men call at   
one o'clock1 and forty at four1 and none
 between4 ,the best table is one which  
is furnished with boned turkey1 jellied 

tongues1 and pts1 sandwiches1 and       
similar dishes1 with cake and fruit as  
decorative additions4 ,the modern and   
admirable adjunct of a spirit-lamp under
 a teakettle keeps the bouillon1 tea1   
and coffee always hot1 and these1 with  
the teacups necessary to serve them1    
should be on a small table at one side4 
,a maid-servant1 neatly dressed1 should 
be in constant attendance on this table1
 and a man-servant or two will be needed
 to attend the door and to wait at      
table4  ,the man at the door should have
 a silver tray or card-basket in which  
to receive the cards of visitors4 ,if a 
gentleman is not known to the lady of   
the house1 he sends in his card2        
otherwise he leaves it with the waiter1 
who deposits it in some receptacle where
 it should be kept until the lady has   
leisure to examine the cards of all her 
guests4 ,if a gentleman is calling on a 
young lady1 and is not known to the     
hostess1 he sends in his card to the    
former1 who presents him to the hostess 

and to all the ladies present4 ,if the  
room is full1 an introduction to the    
hostess only is necessary4 ,if the room 
is comparatively empty1 it is much      
kinder to present a gentleman to each   
lady1 as it tends to make conversation  
general4 ,as a guest is about to depart1
 he should be invited to take some      
refreshment1 and be conducted towards   
the dining-room for that purpose4 ,this 
hospitality should never be urged1 as   
man is a creature who dines1 and is     
seldom willing to allow a luncheon to   
spoil a dinner4 ,in a country           
neighborhood1 however1 or after a long  
walk1 a visitor is almost always glad to
 break his fast and enjoy a pickled     
oyster1 a sandwich1 or a cup of         
bouillon4  ,the etiquette of            
,new-,year's day commands1 peremptorily1
 that a gentleman shall not be asked to 
take off his overcoat nor to be relieved
 of his hat4 ,he will probably prefer to
 wear his overcoat1 and to carry his hat
 in his hand during his brief visit4 ,if

 he wishes to dispose of either1 he will
 do so in the hall2 but on that point he
 is a free moral agent1 and it is not a 
part of the duty of a hostess to suggest
 what he shall do with his clothes4     
,many letters come to us asking ,what   
subjects should be talked about during a
 ,new-,year's call4 ,alas6 we can only  
suggest the weather and the good wishes 
appropriate to the season4 ,the         
conversation is apt to be fragmentary4  
,one good mot was evolved a few years   
ago1 when roads were snowy and ways were
 foul4 ,a gentleman complained of the   
mud and the dirty streets4 ,yes1 said   
the lady1 but it is very bright         
overhead4 ,i am not going that way1     
replied the gentleman4  ,a gentleman    
should not be urged to stay when he     
calls4 ,he has generally but five       
minutes in which to express a desire    
that old and pleasant memories shall be 
continued1 that new and cordial         
friendships shall be formed1 and after  
that compliment1 which every wall-bred  

man pays a lady1 ,how remarkably well   
you are looking to-day6 he wishes to be 
off4  ,in ,france it is the custom for a
 gentleman to wear a dress-coat when    
calling on a great public functionary on
 ,new-,year's day1 but it is not so in  
,america4 ,here he should1 wear the     
dress in which he would make an ordinary
 morning visit4 ,when he enters a room  
he should not remove his gloves1 nor    
should he say1 as he greets his hostess1
 ,excuse my glove4 ,he should take her  
gloved hand in his and give it a cordial
 pressure1 according to our pleasant    
,american fashion4 ,when leaving1 the   
ceremony is very brief--simply1         
,good-morning1 or ,good-evening1 as the 
case may be4  ,it is proper for         
gentlemen to call late in the evening of
 ,new-,year's day1 and calls are made   
during the ensuing evenings by people   
who are otherwise occupied in the       
daytime4 ,if the family are at dinner1  
or the lady is fatigued with the day's  
duties1 the servant must say at the door

 that ,mrs4 desires to be excused4 ,he  
must not present the card to her1 and   
thus oblige her to send to her visitor a
 message which might be taken as a      
personal affront4 ,but she must have the
 servant instructed to refuse all at    
certain hours2 then none can be         
offended4  ,many ladies in ,new ,york   
are no longer at home on ,new-,year's   
day2 and when this is the case a basket 
is tied at the door to receive cards4   
,they do this because so many gentlemen 
have given up the custom of calling that
 it seems to be dying out1 and all their
 preparations for a reception become a  
hollow mockery4 ,how many weary women   
have sat with novel in hand and         
luncheon-table spread1 waiting for the  
callers who did not come6 ,the practice 
of sending cards to gentlemen1 stating  
that a lady would be at home on         
,new-,year's day1 has also very much    
gone out of fashion1 owing to the fact  
that gentlemen frequently did not       
respond to them4  ,it is1 however1      

proper that a married lady returning to 
her home after a long absence in        
,europe1 or one who has changed her     
residence1 or who is living at a hotel  
or boarding-house 7or who is visiting   
friends71 should send her card to those 
gentlemen whom she wishes to receive4   
,it must be remembered that many        
gentlemen1 generally those no longer    
young1 still like very much the fashion 
of visiting on ,new-,year's day1 and go 
to see as many people as they can in a  
brief winter's sunshine4 ,these         
gentlemen deplore the basket at the     
door1 and the decadence of the old      
custom in ,new ,york4 ,family friends   
and old friends1 those whom they never  
see at any other time1 are to be        
seen--or they should be seen1 so these  
old friends think--on ,new-,year's day4 
,a personal call is more agreeable than 
a card4 ,let a gentleman call1 and in   
person1 or take no notice of the day4   
,so say the most trustworthy            
authorities1 and their opinion has an   

excellent foundation of common-sense4   
,could we only go back to the old ,dutch
 town where the custom started1 where   
all animosities were healed1 all        
offences forgotten1 on ,new-,year's day1
 when the good ,dutch housewives made   
their own cakes and spiced the          
loving-cup1 when all the women stayed at
 home to receive and all the men called1
 what a different ,new-,year's day we   
should enjoy in ,new ,york4 ,nowadays1  
two or three visitors arrive before the 
hostess is ready to receive them2 then  
one comes after she has appeared1       
vanishes1 and she remains alone for two 
hours2 then forty come4 ,she remembers  
none of their names1 and has no rational
 or profitable conversation with any of 
them4  ,but for the abusers of          
,new-,year's day1 the pretenders who1   
with no right to call1 come in under    
cover of the general hospitality of the 
season--the bores1 who on this day1 as  
on all days1 are only tiresome--we have 
no salve1 no patent cure4 ,a hostess    

must receive them with the utmost       
suavity1 and be as amiable and agreeable
 as possible4  ,new-,year's day is a    
very brilliant one at ,washington4 ,all 
the world calls on the ,president at    
twelve o'clock2 the diplomats in full   
dress1 officers of the army and navy in 
full uniform1 and the other people      
grandly attired4 ,later1 the heads of   
departments1 cabinet ministers1 judges1 
etc41 receive the lesser lights of      
society4  ,in ,paris the same etiquette 
is observed1 and every clerk calls on   
his chief4  ,in a small city or village 
etiquette manages itself1 and ladies    
have only to let it be known that they  
will be at home1 with hot coffee and    
oysters1 to receive the most agreeable  
kind of callers--those who come because 
they really wish to pay a visit1 to     
express goodwill1 and to ask for that   
expression of friendship which our      
reserved ,anglo-,saxon natures are so   
prone to withhold4  ,in ,new ,york a few
 years ago the temperance people made a 

great onslaught on ladies who invited   
young men to drink on ,new-,year's day4 
,it was said to lead to much disorder   
and intemperance2 and so1 from fear of  
causing one's brother to sin1 many have 
banished the familiar punch-bowl4 ,in a 
number of well-known houses in ,new     
,york no luncheon is offered1 and a cup 
of bouillon or coffee and a sandwich is 
the usual refreshment in the richest and
 most stylish houses4 ,it will be seen1 
therefore1 that it is a day of largest  
liberty4 ,there are no longer any       
sumptuary laws2 but it is impossible to 
say why ladies of the highest fashion in
 ,new ,york do not still make it a      
gala-day4 ,the multiplicity of other    
entertainments1 the unseen yet          
all-powerful influence of fashion1 these
 things mould the world insensibly4 ,yet
 in a thousand homes1 thousands of      
cordial hands will be extended on the   
great ,first of ,january1 and to all of 
them we wish a ,happy ,new ,year4       
,,chapter ,,xxvii4 ,,matin,,es ,,and    

,,soir,,es4  ,a matine in ,america means
 an afternoon performance at the theatre
 of a play or opera4 ,in ,europe it has 
a wider significance1 any social        
gathering before dinner in ,france being
 called a matine1 as any party after    
dinner is called a soire4  ,the improper
 application of another foreign word was
 strikingly manifested in the old       
fashion of calling the ,president's     
evening receptions levees4 ,the term    
levee1 as originally used1 meant        
literally a king's getting up4 ,when he 
arose1 and while he was dressing1 such  
of his courtiers as were privileged to  
approach him at this hour gathered in an
 anteroom-waiting to assist at his      
toilet1 to wish him good morning1 or    
perhaps prefer a request4 ,in time this 
morning gathering grew to be an         
important court ceremonial1 and some one
 ignorant of the meaning of the word    
named ,president ,jackson's evening     
receptions the ,president's levees4 ,so 
with the word matine4 ,first used to    

indicate a day reception at court1 it   
has now grown to mean a day performance 
at a theatre4 ,sometimes a lady1 bolder 
than her neighbors1 issues an invitation
 for a matine dansante1 or a matine     
musicale1 but this descriptive style is 
not common4  ,there are many advantages 
in a morning party4 ,it affords to      
ladies who do not go to evening         
receptions the pleasure of meeting      
informally1 and is also a well-chosen   
occasion for introducing a new pianist  
or singer4  ,for a busy woman of fashion
 nothing can be more conveniently timed 
than a matine1 which begins at two and  
ends at four or half past4 ,it does not 
interfere with a five-o'clock tea or a  
drive in the park1 nor unfit her for a  
dinner or an evening entertainment4 ,two
 o'clock is also a very good hour for a 
large and informal general lunch1 if a  
lady wishes to avoid the expense1       
formality1 and trouble of a sit-down    
lunch4  ,while the busy ladies can go to
 a matine1 the busy gentleman cannot2   

and as men of leisure in ,america are   
few1 a morning entertainment at a       
theatre or in society is almost always  
an assemblage of women4 ,to avoid this  
inequality of sex1 many ladies have     
their matines on some one of the        
national holidays--,washington's        
,birthday1 ,thanksgiving1 or            
,decoration-day4 ,on these occasions a  
matine1 even in busy ,new ,york1 is well
 attended by gentlemen4  ,when1 as      
sometimes happens1 a prince1 a duke1 an 
archbishop1 an author of celebrity1 a   
,tom ,hughes1 a ,lord ,houghton1 a ,dean
 ,stanley1 or some descendant of our    
,french allies at ,yorktown1 comes on a 
visit to our country1 one of the most   
satisfactory forms of entertainment that
 we can offer to him is a morning       
reception4 ,at an informal matine we may
 bring to meet him such authors1        
artists1 clergymen1 lawyers1 editors1   
statesmen1 rich and public-spirited     
citizens1 and beautiful and cultivated  
women of society1 as we may be fortunate

 enough to know4  ,the primary business 
of society is to bring together the     
various elements of which it is made    
up--its strongest motive should be to   
lighten up the momentous business of    
life by an easy and friendly intercourse
 and interchange of ideas4  ,but if we  
hope to bring about us men of mind and  
distinction1 our object must be not only
 to be amused but to amuse4  ,to        
persuade those elderly men who are      
maintaining the great ,american name at 
its present high place in the ,pantheon 
of nations to spend a couple of hours at
 a matine1 we must offer some tempting  
bait as an equivalent4 ,a lady who      
entertained ,dean ,stanley said that she
 particularly enjoyed her own matine    
given for him1 because through his name 
she for the first time induced the      
distinguished clergy of ,new ,york to   
come to her house4  ,such men are not   
tempted by the frivolities of a         
fashionable social life that lives by   
its vanity1 its excitement1 its rivalry 

and flirtation4 ,not that all           
fashionable society is open to such     
reproach1 but its tendency is to        
lightness and emptiness2 and we rarely  
find really valuable men who seek it4   
,therefore a lady who would make her    
house attractive to the best society    
must offer it something higher than that
 to which we may give the generic title 
fashion4 ,dress1 music1 dancing1 supper1
 are delightful accessories-they are    
ornaments and stimulants1 not           
requisites4 ,for a good society we need 
men and women who are good company1 as  
they say in ,england--men and women who 
can talk4 ,nor is the advantage all on  
one side4 ,the free play of brain1      
taste1 and feeling is a most important  
refreshment to a man who works hard1    
whether in the pulpit or in ,wall       
,street1 in the editorial chair or at   
the dull grind of authorship4 ,the      
painter should wash his brushes and     
strive for some intercourse of abiding  
value with those whose lives differ from

 his own4 ,the woman who works should   
also look upon the divertissements of   
society as needed recreation1 fruitful1 
may be1 of the best culture4  ,on the   
other hand1 no society is perfect       
without the elements of beauty1 grace1  
taste1 refinement1 and luxury4 ,we must 
bring all these varied potentialities   
together if we would have a real and    
living social life4 ,for that brilliant 
thing that we call society is a         
finely-woven fabric of threads of       
different sizes and colors of           
contrasting shades4 ,it is not intrigue1
 or the display of wealth1 or morbid    
excitement that must bind together this 
social fabric1 but sympathy1 that       
pleasant thing which refines and        
refreshes1 and knits up the ravelled    
sleeve of care1 and leaves us strong for
 the battle of life4  ,and in no modern 
form of entertainment can we better     
produce this finer atmosphere1 this     
desirable sympathy between the world of 
fashion and that of thought1 than by    

matines1 when given under favorable     
circumstances4 ,to be sure1 if we gave  
one every day it would be necessary1 as 
we have said1 to dispense with a large  
number of gentlemen2 but the occasional 
matinee is apt to catch some very good  
specimens of the genus homo1 and        
sometimes the best specimens4 ,it is    
proper to offer a very substantial      
buffet1 as people rarely lunch before   
two o'clock1 and will be glad of a bit  
of bird1 a cup of bouillon1 or a leaf of
 salad4 ,it is much better to offer such
 an entertainment earlier than the      
five-o'clock tea2 at which hour people  
are saving their appetites for dinner4  
,a soire is a far more difficult affair1
 and calls for more subtle treatment4   
,it should be1 not a ball1 but what was 
formerly called an evening party4 ,it   
need not exclude dancing1 but dancing is
 not its excuse for being4 ,it means a  
very bright conversazione1 or a reading1
 or a musicale1 with pretty evening     
dress 7not necessarily ball dress71 a   

supper1 and early hours4 ,such1 at      
least1 was its early significance       
abroad4  ,it has this advantage in ,new 
,york1 that it does attract gentlemen4  
,they like very much the easy-going1    
early-houred soire4 ,we mean1 of course1
 those gentlemen who no longer care for 
balls1 and if aristocracy is to be      
desired1 the rule of the best1 at       
,american entertainments1 all aspirants 
for social distinction should try to    
propitiate those men who are being      
driven from the ballroom by the         
insolence and pretension of the lower   
elements of fashionable society4 ,in    
,europe1 the very qualities which make a
 man great in the senate1 the field1 or 
the chamber of commerce1 give him a     
corresponding eminence in the social    
world4 ,many a gray-mustached veteran in
 ,paris leads the german4 ,a senator of 
,france aspires to appear well in the   
boudoir4 ,with these men social         
dexterity is a requisite to success1 and
 is cultivated as a duty4 ,it is not so 

here1 for the two great factors of      
success in ,america1 wealth and         
learning1 do not always fit a man for   
society1 and still less does society    
adapt itself to them4  ,the soire1 if   
properly conducted1 is an entertainment 
to which can be brought the best        
elements of our society3 elderly1       
thoughtful1 and educated men4 ,a lady   
should not1 however1 in the matter of   
dress1 confound a soire with a concert  
or reception4 ,it is the height of      
impropriety to wear a bonnet to the     
former1 as has been done in ,new ,york1 
to the everlasting disgust of the       
hostess4  ,when a hostess takes the     
pains to issue an invitation to a soire 
a week or a fortnight before it is to   
occur1 she should be repaid by the      
careful dressing and early arrival of   
her guests4 ,it may be proper to go to  
an evening reception in a bonnet1 but   
never to a soire or an evening party4   
,there is no doubt that wealth has      
become a power in ,american society1 and

 that we are in danger of feeling that1 
if we have not wealth1 we can give      
neither matines nor soires2 but this is 
a mistake4 ,of course the possession of 
wealth is most desirable4 ,money is     
power1 and when it is well earned it is 
a noble power2 but it does not command  
all those advantages which are the very 
essence of social intercourse4 ,it may  
pamper the appetite1 but it does not    
always feed the mind4 ,there is still a 
corner left for those that have but     
little money4 ,a lady can give a matinee
 or a soiree in a small house with very 
little expenditure of money2 and if she 
has the inspiration of the model        
entertainer1 every one whom she honors  
with an invitation will flock to her    
small and unpretending menage4 ,there   
are numbers of people in our large      
cities who can give great balls1 dazzle 
the eye1 confuse and delight the senses1
 drown us in a sensuous luxury2 but how 
few there are who1 in a back street and 
in a humble house1 light that lamp by   

which the ,misses ,berry summoned to    
their little parlor the cleverest and   
best people6  ,the elegant1 the         
unpretentious1 the quiet soire to which 
the woman of fashion shall welcome the  
littrateur and the artist1 the          
aristocrat who is at the top of the     
social tree and the millionaire who     
reached his culmination yesterday1 would
 seem to be that ,ultima ,thule for     
which all people have been sighing ever 
since society was first thought of4     
,there are some ,americans who are so   
foolish as to affect the pride of the   
hereditary aristocracies1 and who have  
some fancied traditional standard by    
which they think to keep their blue     
blood pure4 ,a good old grandfather who 
had talent1 or patriotism1 or broad     
views of statesmanship1 who did the     
state some service1 is a relation to be 
proud of1 but his descendants should    
take care to show1 by some more personal
 excellence than that of a social       
exclusiveness1 their appreciation of his

 honesty and ability4 ,what our         
grandfathers were1 a thousand new-comers
 now are4 ,they made their way--the     
early ,american men--untrammelled by    
class restraints2 they arrived at wealth
 and distinction and social eminence by 
their own merits2 they toiled for the   
money which buys for their grandsons    
purple and fine linen4 ,and could they  
see the pure and perfect snob who now   
sometimes bears the name which they left
 so unsullied1 they would be exasperated
 and ashamed1 ,of course1 a certain     
exclusiveness must mark all our matines 
and soires2 they would fail of the chief
 element of diversion if we invited     
everybody4 ,let us1 therefore1 make sure
 of the aesthetic and intellectual1 the 
sympathetic and the genial1 and sift out
 the pretentious and the impure4 ,the   
rogues1 the pretenders1 the adventurers 
who push into the penetralia of our     
social circles are many1 and it is to   
the exclusion of such that a hostess    
should devote herself4  ,it is said that

 all women are born aristocrats1 and it 
is sometimes said in the same tone with 
which the speaker afterwards adds that  
all women are born fools4 ,a woman1 from
 her finer sense1 enjoys luxury1 fine   
clothing1 gorgeous houses1 and all the  
refinements that money can buy2 but even
 the most idle and luxurious and foolish
 woman desires that higher luxury which 
art and intelligence and delicate       
appreciation can alone bring2 the two   
are necessary to each other4 ,to a      
hostess the difficulty of entertaining  
in such a manner as to unite in a       
perfect whole the financiers1 the       
philosophers1 the cultivated foreigners1
 the people of fashion1 the sympathetic 
and the artistic is very great2 but a   
hostess may bring about the most genial 
democracy at the modern matine or soire 
if she manages properly4  ,,chapter     
,,xxviii4 ,,afternoon ,,tea4  ,the      
five-o'clock tea began in ,england1 and 
is continued there1 as a needed         
refreshment after a day's hunting1      

driving1 or out-of-door exercise1 before
 dressing for dinner--that very late    
dinner of ,english fashion4 ,it is      
believed that the ,princess of ,wales   
set the fashion by receiving in her     
boudoir at some countryhouse in a very  
becoming tea gown1 which every lady     
knows to be the most luxurious change   
from the tight riding-habit or          
carriage-dress4 ,her friends came in1 by
 her gracious invitation1 to her        
sanctum1 between five and seven1 to take
 a cup of tea with her4 ,the ,london    
belles were glad to have an excuse for a
 new entertainment1 and gradually it    
grew to be a fashion1 at which people   
talked so fast and so loud as to suggest
 the noise of a drum--a kettledrum1 the 
most rattling of all drums4 ,then it was
 remembered that an old-fashioned       
entertainment was called a drum1 and the
 tea suggested kettle1 and the name     
fitted the circumstances4 ,in ,england1 
where economy is so much the fashion1 it
 was finally pronounced an excellent    

excuse for the suppression of expense1  
and it came over to ,new ,york during a 
calamitous period1 just after ,black    
,friday4 ,ladies were glad to assemble  
their friends at an hour convenient for 
their servants1 and with an             
entertainment inexpensive to their      
husbands4 ,so a kettledrum became the   
most fashionable of entertainments4     
,people after a while forgot its origin1
 and gave a splendid ball by daylight1  
with every luxury of the season1 and    
called it tea at five o'clock1 or else  
paid off all their social obligations by
 one sweeping tea1 which cost them      
nothing but the lighting of the gas and 
the hiring of an additional waiter4     
,they became so popular that they       
defeated themselves1 and ladies had to  
encompass five1 six1 sometimes nine teas
 of an afternoon1 and the whole of a    
cold ,saturday--the favorite day for    
teas--was spent in a carriage trying to 
accomplish the impossible4  ,the only   
afternoon tea that should prevail in a  

large city like ,new ,york is that given
 by one or two ladies who are usually at
 home at five o'clock every afternoon4  
,if there is a well-known house where   
the hostess has the firmness and the    
hospitality to be always seated in front
 of her blazing urn at that hour1 she is
 sure of a crowd of gentlemen visitors1 
who come from down-town glad of a cup of
 tea and a chat and rest between work   
and dinner4 ,the sight of a pretty girl 
making tea is always dear to the        
masculine heart4 ,many of our young     
lawyers1 brokers1 and gay men of the    
hunt like a cup of hot tea at five      
o'clock4 ,the mistake was in the        
perversion of the idea1 the making it   
the occasion for the official           
presentation of a daughter1 or the      
excuse for other and more elaborate     
entertainments4 ,so1 although many a    
house is opened this winter at the same 
convenient hour1 and with perhaps only  
the bouillon and tea-kettle and bit of  
cake or sandwich 7for really no one     

wants more refreshment than this before 
dinner and after luncheon71 the name of 
these afternoon entertainments has been 
by mutual consent dropped1 and we no    
longer see the word kettledrum or       
afternoon tea on a card1 but simply the 
date and the hour4  ,there is a great   
deal to be said in this matter on both  
sides4 ,the primal idea was a good one4 
,to have a gathering of people without  
the universal oyster was at first a     
great relief4 ,the people who had not   
money for grand spreads were enabled to 
show to their more opulent neighbors    
that they too had the spirit of         
hospitality4 ,all who have spent a      
winter in ,rome remember the frugal     
entertainment offered1 so that an artist
 with no plentiful purse could still ask
 a prince to visit him4 ,it became the  
reproach of ,americans that they alone  
were ashamed to be poor1 and that1      
unless they could offer an expensive    
supper1 dinner1 or luncheon1 they could 
not ask their friends to come to see    

them4 ,then1 again1 the doctors1 it was 
urged1 had discovered that tea was the  
best stimulant for the athlete and for  
the brain-worker4 ,english breakfast tea
 kept nobody awake1 and was the most    
delightful of appetizers4 ,the cup of   
tea and a sandwich taken at five o'clock
 spoiled no one's dinner4 ,the ladies of
 the house began these entertainments1  
modestly receiving in plain but pretty  
dresses2 their guests were asked to come
 in walking-dress4 ,but soon the other  
side of the story began to tell4 ,a lady
 going in velvet and furs into a heated 
room1 where gas added its discomfort to 
the subterranean fires of a furnace1    
drank her hot cup of tea1 and came out  
to take a dreadful cold4 ,her walking   
dress was manifestly a dress            
inappropriate to a kettledrum4 ,then the
 hostess and the guests both became more
 dressy1 the afternoon tea lost its     
primitive character and became a gay    
reception4 ,then1 again1 the nerves6    
,the doctors condemn even the afternoon 

cup of tea1 and declare that it is the  
foundation of much of the nervous       
prostration1 the sleeplessness1 and the 
nameless misery of our overexcited and  
careworn oxygen driven people4 ,we are  
overworked1 no doubt4 ,we are an        
overcivilized set1 particularly in the  
large cities1 and every one must decide 
for himself or herself if tea is not an 
insidious enemy4 ,that the introduction 
of an informal and healthful and        
inexpensive way of entertaining is a    
grand desideratum no one can fail to    
observe and allow4 ,but with the growth 
of an idea the tea blossomed into a     
supper1 and the little knot into a      
crowd1 and of course the name became a  
misnomer4  ,the ideal entertainment     
would seem to be a gathering between    
four and seven1 which is thoroughly     
understood to be a large gas-lighted    
party1 which a lady enters properly     
dressed for a hot room1 having a cloak  
which she can throw off in the hall1 and
 where she can make her call long or    

short1 as she pleases1 and can find a   
cup of hot bouillon if she is cold1 or  
tea if she prefers it1 or a more        
elaborate lunch if her hostess pleases2 
and this ideal entertainment is not     
afternoon tea2 it is a reception4 ,it is
 well enough indicated by the date on   
the card1 and does not need a name4     
,the abuse of the afternoon tea was that
 it took the place of other             
entertainments4 ,it has almost ruined   
the early evening party1 which was so   
pleasant a feature of the past4 ,people 
who could well afford to give           
breakfasts1 lunches1 dinners1 and balls1
 where men and women could meet each    
other1 and talk1 and know each other    
well1 did not give them2 they gave an   
afternoon tea4  ,it may be because we   
have no leisure class that we do not    
give breakfasts4 ,in all our ,anglomania
 it is strange that we have not copied  
that plain1 informal thing1 an ,english 
breakfast1 such as ,sydney ,smith was   
wont to give4 ,mr4 ,webster writes home 

in #ahci3 ,in ,england the rule of      
politeness is to be quiet1 act          
naturally1 take no airs1 and make no    
bustle4 ,this perfect politeness has    
cost a great deal of drill4 ,he         
delighted in the ,english breakfasts1   
where he met ,boz1 ,tom ,moore1         
,wordsworth1 ,rogers 7who never gave any
 entertainment but breakfasts74 ,we are 
all workers in ,america1 yet we might   
have an occasional breakfast-party4     
,dinners and ladies' lunches we know    
very well how to give1 and there are    
plenty of them4 ,perhaps the only       
objection to them is their              
oversumptuousness4 ,the ideal dinners of
 the past at ,washington1 with the old  
,virginia hospitality1 the oysters1     
terrapin1 wild turkeys1 venison1 served 
by negro cooks and waiters1 the hostess 
keeping the idea of agreeability before 
her1 instead of caring principally for  
her china1 her glass1 and her           
table-cloth4 ,these gave way long ago in
 ,new ,york to the greater luxury of the

 prosperous city1 and if there was any  
loss1 it was in the conversation4 ,new  
,york women have been forced into a life
 of overdressing1 dancing1 visiting1    
shopping1 gaining the accomplishments1  
and showing them off1 and leading the   
life of society at its height2 the men  
have been overwhelmingly engaged in     
commerce1 and later in ,wall ,street4   
,no wonder that four o'clock was an hour
 at which both paused1 and called for a 
cup of tea4  ,nor because the name has  
passed away-temporarily1 perhaps--will  
the fashion pass4 ,people will still    
gather around the steaming urn4 ,young  
ladies find it a very pretty recreation 
to make the tea-table attractive with   
the floral arrangements1 the basket of  
cake1 the sandwiches1 the silver        
tea-caddy1 the alcohol lamp burning     
under the silver or copper kettle1 the  
padded cozy to keep the tea warm1 the   
long table around which young gentlemen 
and young ladies can sit1 while mamma1  
patient ,american mamma--receives the   

elder people in the parlor4  ,it is no  
longer the elderly lady who presides at 
the tea-kettle2 the tabbies do not make 
or drink the teas2 the younger pussies  
are the queens of four-o'clock tea4 ,it 
is whispered that it is a convenient    
alias for flirtation1 or something even 
sweeter--that many engagements have been
 made at four-o'clock teas4  ,certainly 
it is a very good opportunity for       
showing one's tea-cups4 ,the handsome   
china can be displayed at a four-o'clock
 tea1 if it is not too large1 to the    
best advantage4 ,the very early         
assumption of a grand social            
entertainment under the name of         
four-o'clock tea rather blotted out one 
of the prettiest features of the        
,english tea1 that of the graceful      
garment the tea gown4  ,tea gowns in    
,france1 under the rgime of ,worth1 have
 become most luxurious garments4 ,they  
are made of silk1 satin1 velvet1 and    
lined with delicate surah4 ,they are    
trimmed with real and imitation lace1   

and are of the most delicate shades of  
pink1 blue1 lavender1 and pearl-color2  
cascades of lace extend down the front4 
,in these1 made loose to the figure1 but
 still very elegant and most becoming1  
do the ,english princess1 the duchess1  
and the ,continental coroneted or royal 
dame1 or the queen of fashion1 receive  
their guests at afternoon tea4 ,no      
wonder that in each bridal trousseau do 
we read of the wonderful tea gowns4 ,in 
,america ladies have been in the habit  
of always receiving in the tight-fitting
 and elegant combinations of silk1      
surah1 brocade1 velvet1 and cashmere    
which fill the wardrobe of modern       
fashion4 ,the dresses of delicate       
cashmere1 so becoming to young girls1   
are always very much patronized for     
afternoon tea4 ,indeed1 the young lady  
dressed for afternoon tea was dressed   
for dinner4 ,in this1 as our ,american  
afternoon teas have been managed1 the   
,american young lady was right1 for it  
is not convenable1 according to         

,european ideas1 to wear a loose flowing
 robe of the tea-gown pattern out of    
one's bedroom or boudoir4 ,it has been  
done by ignorant people at a            
watering-place1 but it never looks well4
 ,it is really an undress1 although lace
 and satin may be used in its           
composition4 ,a plain1 high1 and        
tight-fitting garment is much the more  
elegant dress for the afternoon teas as 
we give them4  ,call it what you        
will--reception1 kettledrum1 afternoon  
tea1 or something without a name--we    
have unconsciously1 imitating a very    
different sort of informal gathering1   
gained an easy and a sensible           
entertainment in society1 from four to  
seven2 which seems to address itself to 
all kinds of needs4 ,we are prone in    
,america 7so foreigners say7 to overdo a
 thing--perhaps1 also1 to underdo it4   
,be that as it may1 all agree with ,lord
 ,houghton1 who laughed at the phrase1  
that we know how to have a good time4   
,,chapter ,,xxix4 ,,caudle ,,and        

,,christening ,,cups ,,and ,,ceremonies4
  ,we are asked by many young mammas as 
to the meaning of the phrase caudle     
parties4  ,formerly the persons who     
called to congratulate the happy        
possessor of a new boy or girl were     
offered mulled wine and plum-cake4 ,some
 early chronicler thinks that the two   
got mixed1 and that caudle was the      
result4  ,certain it is that a most     
delicious beverage1 a kind of oatmeal   
gruel1 boiled two days1 with raisins and
 spices1 and fine old ,madeira 7some say
 rum7 added1 makes a dish fit to set    
before a king1 and is offered now to the
 callers on a young mamma4 ,the old     
,english custom was to have this        
beverage served three days after the    
arrival of the little stranger4 ,the    
caudle-cups1 preserved in many an old   
family1 are now eagerly sought after as 
curiosities2 they have two handles1 so  
they could be passed from one to        
another4 ,they were handed down as      
heirlooms when these candle parties were

 more fashionable than they have been1  
until a recent date4 ,now there is a    
decided idea of reintroducing them4 ,in 
those days the newly-made papa also     
entertained his friends with a stag     
party1 when bachelors and also          
,benedicks were invited to eat buttered 
toast1 which was sugared and spread in a
 mighty punch-bowl1 over which          
boiling-hot beer was poured4 ,after the 
punch-bowl was emptied1 each guest      
placed a piece of money in the bowl for 
the nurse4 ,strong ale was brewed1 and a
 pipe of wine laid by to be drunk on the
 majority of the child4  ,this greasy   
mess is fortunately now extinct1 but the
 caudle1 a really delicious dish or     
drink1 is the fashion again4 ,it is     
generally offered when master or miss is
 about six weeks old1 and mamma receives
 her friends in a tea gown or some      
pretty convalescent wrap1 very often    
made of velvet or plush cut in the form 
of a belted-in jacket and skirt1 or in  
one long princesse robe1 elaborately    

trimmed with cascades of lace down the  
front4 ,the baby is1 of course1 shown1  
but not much handled4 ,some parents have
 the christening and the caudle party   
together1 but of this1 it is said1 the  
,church does not approve4  ,the         
selection of god-parents is always a    
delicate task4 ,it is a very great      
compliment1 of course1 to ask any one to
 stand in this relation1 highly regarded
 in ,england1 but not so much thought of
 here4 ,formerly there were always two  
godfathers and two godmothers1 generally
 chosen from friends and relations1 who 
were expected to watch over the         
religious education of the young child1 
and to see that he was1 in due time1    
confirmed4 ,in all old countries this   
relationship lasts through life2 kindly 
help and counsel being given to the     
child by the godfather--even to adoption
 in many instances--should the parents  
die4 ,but in our new country1 with the  
absence of an established ,church1 and  
with our belief in the power of every   

man to take care of himself1 this       
beautiful relationship has been         
neglected4 ,we are glad to see by our   
letters that it is being renewed1 and   
that people are thinking more of these  
time-honored connections4  ,after a     
birth1 friends and acquaintances should 
call and send in their cards1 or send   
them by their servants1 with kind       
inquiries4 ,when the mother is ready to 
see her friends1 she should1 if she     
wishes1 signify that time by sending out
 cards for a caudle party4 ,but let her 
be rather deliberate about this unless  
she has a mother1 or aunt1 or sister to 
take all the trouble for her4  ,the     
godfather and godmother generally give  
some little present2 a silver cup or    
porringer1 knife1 fork1 and spoon1      
silver basin1 coral tooth-cutter1 or    
coral and bells1 were the former gifts2 
but1 nowadays1 we hear of one wealthy   
godfather who left a check for #ajj1jjj 
in the baby's cradle2 and it is not     
unusual for those who can do so to make 

some very valuable investment for the   
child1 particularly if he bears the name
 of the godfather4  ,some               
people--indeed1 most people--take their 
children to church to be baptized1 and  
then give a luncheon at home afterwards 
to which all are invited1 especially the
 officiating clergyman and his wife1 as 
well as the sponsors4 ,the presents     
should be given at this time4           
,old-fashioned people give the baby some
 salt and an egg for good luck1 and are 
particular that he should be carried    
up-stairs before he is carried down1 and
 that when he goes out first he shall be
 carried to the house of some near and  
dear relative4  ,confirmation is in the 
,episcopal ,church the sequel to        
baptism2 and in ,france this is a       
beautiful and very important ceremony4  
,in the month of ,may the streets are   
filled with white doves--young girls1   
all in muslin and lace veils1 going with
 their mothers or chaperons to be       
confirmed4 ,here the duty of the        

godfather or the godmother comes in2 and
 if a child is an orphan1 or has        
careless or irreligious parents1 the    
,church holds the godparent responsible 
that these children be brought to the   
bishop to be confirmed4  ,notices of    
confirmation to be held are always given
 out in the various churches some weeks 
prior to the event2 and persons desirous
 of being admitted to the rite are      
requested to make known their wish and  
to give their names to their clergyman4 
,classes are formed1 and instruction and
 preparation given during the weeks     
preceding the day which the bishop has  
appointed4 ,in ,england a noble ,english
 lady is as much concerned for her      
goddaughter through all this important  
period as she is for her daughter4 ,in  
,france the obligation is also          
considered sacred4 ,we have known of a  
lady who made the journey from          
,montpellier to ,paris--although she    
could scarcely afford the expense--to   
attend the confirmation of her          

goddaughter1 although the young girl had
 a father and mother4  ,it is a ceremony
 well worth seeing1 either in ,england  
or ,france4 ,the girls walk in long     
processions through the streets2 the    
dress uniformly of white with long      
veils4 ,youths follow in black suits1   
black ties1 and gloves2 they enter one  
aisle of the church1 the girls the      
other4 ,when the time arrives for the   
laying on of hands1 the girls go first1 
two and two2 they give their card or    
certificate into the hands of the       
bishop's chaplain1 who stands near to   
receive them4 ,the candidates kneel     
before the bishop1 who lays his hands   
severally on their heads4  ,of course   
persons not belonging to the ,episcopal 
,church do not observe this rite4 ,but  
as a belief in baptism is almost        
universal1 there is no reason why the   
godfather and godmother should not be   
chosen and adhered to4 ,we always name  
our children1 or we are apt to1 for some
 dear friend2 and we would all gladly   

believe that such a friendship1 begun at
 the altar when he is being consecrated 
to a ,christian life1 may go with him   
and be a help to the dear little man4   
,in our belligerent independence and our
 freedom from creeds and cant we have   
thrown away too much1 and can afford to 
reassert our belief in and respect for a
 few old customs4  ,royalty has always  
been a respecter of these powers4 ,king 
,edward ,,vi4 and his sisters were each 
baptized when only three days old1 and  
the ceremony1 which lasted between two  
and three days1 took place at night1 by 
torch-light4 ,the child was carried     
under a canopy1 preceded by gentlemen   
bearing in state the sponsors' gifts1   
and attended by a flourish of trumpets4 
,at a modern caudle party the           
invitations are sent out a week in      
advance1 and read thus3  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 
,brown request the pleasure of your     
company on ,tuesday afternoon1 at three 
o'clock4 #ah ,west ,kent ,street4       
,caudle4 ',no presents are expected4'   

,for the honor of being a godfather one 
receives a note in the first person1    
asking the friend to assume that kindly 
office1 and also mentioning the fact    
that the name will be so and so4 ,if the
 baby is named for the godfather1 a very
 handsome present is usually made2 if   
not1 the godfather or godmother still   
sends some little token of regard4      
,this1 however1 is entirely a matter of 
fancy4 ,no one is obliged to give a     
present1 of course4  ,the baby at his   
christening is shown off in a splendid  
robe1 very much belaced and embroidered1
 and it is to be feared that it is a day
 of disturbance for him4 ,babies should 
not be too much excited2 a quiet and    
humdrum existence1 a not too showy      
nurse1 and regular hours are conducive  
to a good constitution for these        
delicate visitors4 ,the gay dresses and 
jingling ornaments of the ,roman nurses 
are now denounced by the foreign doctors
 as being too exciting to the little    
eyes that are looking out on a new      

world4 ,they are very pretty and        
picturesque1 and many a travelling mamma
 goes into a large outlay for these     
bright colors and for the peasant       
jewelry4 ,the practice of making a child
 ride backward in a push-wagon is also  
sternly denounced by modern physicians4 
,fashionable mammas who give caudle     
parties should remember that in our     
harsh climate maternity is beset by much
 feebleness as to nerves in both mother 
and child2 therefore a long seclusion in
 the nursery is advised before the      
dangerous period of entertaining one's  
friends begins4 ,let the caudle party   
wait1 and the christening be done       
quietly in one's own bedroom1 if the    
infant is feeble4 ,show off the young   
stranger at a later date3 an ounce of   
prevention is worth a pound of cure4    
,,chapter ,,xxx4 ,,the ,,modern         
,,dinner-,,table4  ,the appointments of 
the modern dinner-table strikingly      
indicate that growth of luxury of which 
the immediate past has been so fruitful4

 ,up to twenty years ago a dinner1 even 
in the house of a merchant prince1 was a
 plain affair4 ,there was a white       
tablecloth of double damask2 there were 
large1 handsome napkins2 there was a    
rich service of solid silver1 and       
perhaps some good china4 ,flowers1 if   
used at all1 were not in profusion2 and 
as for glasses1 only a few of plain     
white1 or perhaps a green or a red one  
for claret or hock1 were placed at the  
side of the plate4  ,of course there    
were variations and exceptions to this  
rule1 but they were few and far between4
 ,one man1 or often one maid-servant1   
waited at the table2 and1 as a          
protection for the table-cloth1 mats    
were used1 implying the fear that the   
dish brought from the top of the        
kitchen-range1 if set down1 would leave 
a spot or stain4 ,all was on a simple or
 economical plan4 ,the grand dinners    
were served by caterers1 who sent their 
men to wait at them1 which led to the   
remark1 often laughed at as showing     

,english stupidity1 made by the ,marquis
 of ,hartington when he visited ,new    
,york at the time of our war4 ,as he    
looked at old ,peter ,van ,dyck and his 
colored assistants1 whom he had seen at 
every house at which he had dined1 he   
remarked1 ,how much all your servants   
resemble each other in ,america6 ,it was
 really an unintentional sarcasm1 but it
 might well have suggested to our       
nouveaux riches the propriety of having 
their own trained servants to do the    
work of their houses instead of these   
outside men4 ,a degree of elegance which
 we have not as a nation even yet       
attained is that of having a            
well-trained corps of domestic servants4
  ,a mistress of a house should be      
capable of teaching her servants the    
method of laying a table and attending  
it1 if she has to take1 as we commonly  
must1 the uneducated ,irishman from his 
native bogs as a house-servant4 ,if she 
employs the accomplished and            
well-recommended foreign servant1 he is 

too apt to disarrange her establishment 
by disparaging the scale on which it is 
conducted1 and to engender a spirit of  
discontent in her household4 ,servants  
of a very high class1 who can assume the
 entire management of affairs1 are only 
possible to people of great wealth1 and 
they become tyrants1 and wholly         
detestable to the master and mistress   
after a short slavery4 ,one ,new ,york  
butler lately refused to wash dishes1   
telling his mistress that it would ruin 
his finger-nails4 ,but this man was a   
consummate servant1 who laid the table  
and attended it1 with an ease and grace 
that gave his mistress that pleasant    
feeling of certainty that all would go  
well1 which is the most comfortable of  
all feelings to a hostess1 and without  
which dinner-giving is annoyance beyond 
all words4  ,the arrangement of a       
dinner-table and the waiting upon it are
 the most important of all the duties of
 a servant or servants1 and any betrayal
 of ignorance1 any nervousness or noise1

 any accident1 are to be deplored1      
showing as they do want of experience   
and lack of training4  ,no one wishes to
 invite his friends to be uncomfortable4
 ,those dreadful dinners which          
,thackeray describes1 at which people   
with small incomes tried to rival those 
of large means1 will forever remain in  
the minds of his readers as among the   
most painful of all revelations of sham4
 ,we should be real first1 and          
ornamental afterwards4  ,in a wealthy   
family a butler and two footmen are     
employed1 and it is their duty to work  
together in harmony1 the butler having  
control4 ,the two footmen lay the table1
 the butler looking on to see that it is
 properly done4 ,the butler takes care  
of the wine1 and stands behind his      
mistress's chair4 ,where only one man is
 employed1 the whole duty devolves upon 
him1 and he has generally the assistance
 of the parlor-maid4 ,where there is    
only a maid-servant1 the mistress of the
 house must see that all necessary      

arrangements are made4  ,the            
introduction of the extension-table into
 our long1 narrow dining-rooms has led  
to the expulsion of the pretty          
round-table1 which is of all others the 
most cheerful4 ,the extension-table1    
however1 is almost inevitable1 and one  
of the ordinary size1 with two leaves   
added1 will seat twelve people4 ,the    
public caterers say that every          
additional leaf gives room for four more
 people1 but the hostess1 in order to   
avoid crowding1 would be wise if she    
tested this with her dining-room chairs4
 ,new ,york dinner-parties are often    
crowded1 sixteen being sometimes asked  
when the table will only accommodate    
fourteen4 ,this is a mistake1 as heat   
and crowding should be avoided4 ,in     
country houses1 or in ,philadelphia1    
,boston1 ,washington1 and other cities  
where the dining-rooms are ordinarily   
larger than those in a ,new ,york house1
 the danger of crowding1 of heat1 and   
want of ventilation1 is more easily     

avoided2 but in a gas-lighted1          
furnace-heated room in ,new ,york the   
sufferings of the diners-out are        
sometimes terrible4  ,the arrangements  
for the dinner1 whether the party be ten
 or twenty1 should be the same4 ,much   
has been said about the number to be    
invited1 and there is an old saw that   
one should not invite fewer than the    
,graces nor more than the ,muses4 ,this 
partiality to uneven numbers refers to  
the difficulty of seating a party of    
eight1 in which case1 if the host and   
hostess take the head and foot of the   
table1 two gentlemen and two ladies will
 come together4 ,but the number of the  
,graces being three1 no worse number    
than that could be selected for a       
dinner-party2 and nine would be equally 
uncomfortable at an extension-table1 as 
it would be necessary to seat three on  
one side and four on the other4 ,ten is 
a good number for a small dinner1 and   
easy to manage4 ,one servant can wait on
 ten people1 and do it well1 if         

well-trained4 ,twenty-four people often 
sit down at a modern dinner-table1 and  
are well served by a butler and two men1
 though some luxurious dinner-givers    
have a man behind each chair4 ,this1    
however1 is ostentation4  ,a lady1 if   
she issue invitations for a dinner of   
ten or twenty1 should do so a fortnight 
in advance1 and should have her cards   
engraved thus3  ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james   
,norman request the pleasure of ,mr4 and
 ,mrs4 ,john ,brown's company at dinner 
on ,thursday1 ,february eighth1 at seven
 o'clock4  ,these engraved forms1 on    
note-paper1 filled up with the necessary
 time and date1 are very convenient and 
elegant1 and should be answered by the  
fortunate recipient immediately1 in the 
most formal manner1 and the engagement  
should be scrupulously kept if accepted4
 ,if the subsequent illness or death of 
relatives1 or any other cause1 renders  
this impossible1 the hostess should be  
immediately notified4  ,a gentleman is  
never invited without his wife1 nor a   

lady without her husband1 unless great  
intimacy exists between the parties1 and
 the sudden need of another guest makes 
the request imperative4  ,the usual hour
 for dinner-parties in ,america is seven
 o'clock2 but whatever the hour1 the    
guests should take care to be punctual  
to the minute4 ,in the hall the         
gentleman should find a card with his   
name1 and that of the lady whom he is to
 take in1 written on it1 and also a     
small boutonniere1 which he places in   
his button-hole4 ,on entering the       
drawing-room the lady goes first1 not   
taking her husband's arm4 ,if the       
gentleman is not acquainted with the    
lady whom he is to take in to dinner1 he
 asks his hostess to present him to her1
 and he endeavors to place himself on an
 agreeeble footing with her before they 
enter the dining-room4  ,when the last  
guest has arrived1 dinner is ready1 and 
the butler makes his announcement4 ,the 
host leads the way1 with the lady to    
whom the dinner is given1 and the       

hostess follows last1 with the gentleman
 whom she wishes to honor4  ,the people 
who enter a modern dining-room find a   
picture before them1 which is the result
 of painstaking thought1 taste1 and     
experience1 and1 like all works of art1 
worthy of study4  ,the first thought of 
the observer is1 ,what a splendid bit of
 color6 ,the open-work1 white tablecloth
 lies on a red ground1 and above it     
rests a mat of red velvet1 embroidered  
with peacock's feathers and gold lace4  
,above this stands a large silver salver
 or oblong tray1 lined with reflecting  
glass1 on which ,dresden swan and silver
 lilies seem floating in a veritable    
lake4 ,in the middle of this long tray  
stands a lofty vase of silver or        
crystal1 with flowers and fruit         
cunningly disposed in it1 and around it 
are placed tropical vines4 ,at each of  
the four corners of the table stand four
 ruby glass flagons set in gold1        
standards of beautiful and rare designs4
 ,cups or silver-gilt vases1 with       

centres of cut glass1 hold the bonbons  
and smaller fruits4 ,four candelabra    
hold up red wax-candles with red shades1
 and flat1 glass troughs1 filled with   
flowers1 stand opposite each place1     
grouped in a floral pattern4  ,at each  
place1 as the servant draws back the    
chair1 the guest sees a bewildering     
number of glass goblets1 wine and       
champagne glasses1 several forks1       
knives1 and spoons1 and a majolica plate
 holding oysters on the half shell1 with
 a bit of lemon in the centre of the    
plate4 ,the napkin1 deftly folded1 holds
 a dinner-roll1 which the guest         
immediately removes4 ,the servants then1
 seeing all the guests seated1 pass red 
and black pepper1 in silver pepper-pots1
 on a silver tray4 ,a small1            
peculiarly-shaped fork is laid by each  
plate1 at the right hand1 for the       
oysters4 ,although some ladies now have 
all their forks laid on the left hand of
 the plate1 this1 however1 is not usual4
 ,after the oysters are eaten1 the      

plates are removed1 and two kinds of    
soup are passed--a white and a brown    
soup4  ,during this part of the dinner  
the guest has time to look at the       
beautiful ,queen ,anne silver1 the      
handsome lamps1 if lamps are used 7we   
may mention the fact that about         
twenty-six candles will well light a    
dinner of sixteen persons71 and the     
various colors of lamp and candle       
shades4 ,then the beauty of the flowers1
 and1 as the dinner goes on1 the variety
 of the modern ,dresden china1 the      
,sevres1 the ,royal ,worcester1 and the 
old blue can be discussed and admired4  
,the service is   la ,russe2 that is1   
everything is handed by the servants4   
,nothing is seen on the table except the
 wines 7and only a few of these71 the   
bonbons1 and the fruit4 ,no greasy      
dishes are allowed4 ,each lady has a    
bouquet1 possibly a painted reticule of 
silk filled with sugar-plums1 and       
sometimes a pretty fan or ribbon with   
her name or monogram painted on it4  ,at

 his right hand each guest finds a      
goblet of elegantly-engraved glass for  
water1 two of the broad1 flat1 flaring  
shape of the modern champagne glass     
7although some people are using the long
 vase-like glass of the past for        
champagne71 a beautiful ,bohemian green 
glass1 apparently set with gems1 for the
 hock1 a ruby-red glass for the claret1 
two other large white claret or         
,burgundy glasses1 and three            
wine-glasses of cut or engraved glass4  
,harlequin glasses1 which give to the   
table the effect of a bed of tulips1 are
 in fashion for those who delight in    
color and variety4  ,the hostess may    
prefer the modern napery1 so exquisitely
 embroidered in gold thread1 which      
affords an opportunity to show the      
family coat of arms1 or the heraldic    
animals--the lion and the two-headed    
eagle and the griffin--intertwined in   
graceful shapes around the whole edge of
 the table and on the napkins4  ,as the 
dinner goes on the guest revels in      

unexpected surprises in the beauty of   
the plates1 some of which look as if    
made of solid gold2 and when the ,roman 
punch is served it comes in the heart of
 a red1 red rose1 or in the bosom of a  
swan1 or the cup of a lily1 or the right
 little1 tight little life-saying boat4 
,faience1 china1 glass1 and ice are all 
pressed into the service of the ,roman  
punch1 and sometimes the prettiest dish 
of all is hewn out of ice4  ,we will try
 to see how all this picture is made1   
beginning at the laying of the table1   
the process of which we will explain in 
detail in the next chapter4             
,,chapter ,,xxxi4 ,,laying ,,the        
,,dinner-,,table4  ,the table1 after    
being drawn out to its proper length1   
should be covered with a cotton-flannel 
tablecloth--white1 if the table-cover is
 the ordinary damask2 red1 if the open  
work table-cover is to be used4 ,this   
broad cotton flannel can be bought for  
eighty cents a yard4 ,the table-cloth1  
if of white damask1 should be perfectly 

ironed1 with one long fold down the     
middle1 which must serve the butler for 
his mathematical centre4 ,no one can be 
astray in using fine white damask4 ,if a
 lady wishes to have the more rare      
,russian embroidery1 the gold           
embroidered on the open-work            
table-cloth1 she can do so1 but let her 
not put any cloth on her table that will
 not wash4 ,the mixed-up things trimmed 
with velvet or satin or ribbon1 which   
are occasionally seen on vulgar tables1 
are detestable4  ,the butler then lays  
the red velvet carpet1 or mat1 or       
ornamental cover--whatever it may be    
called--down the centre of the table1 to
 afford a relief of color to the pergne4
  ,this is a mere fanciful adjunct1 and 
may be used or not2 but it has a very   
pretty effect over an openwork1 white   
table-cloth1 with the silver tray of the
 pergne resting upon it4 ,in many       
families there are silver pergnes which 
are heirlooms4 ,these are now valued for
 old association's sake2 as are the     

silver candlesticks and silver          
compotiers4 ,but where a family does not
 possess these table ornaments1 a centre
 piece of glass is used4 ,the flat      
basket of flowers1 over which the guests
 could talk1 has been discarded1 and the
 ornaments of a dinner-table are apt to 
be high1 including the lamps and        
candelabra which at present replace gas4
  ,the table-cloth being laid1 the      
centre and side ornaments placed1 the   
butler sees that each footman has a     
clean towel on his arm1 and then        
proceeds to unlock the plate chest and  
the glass closet4 ,measuring with his   
hand1 from the edge of the table to the 
end of his middle finger1 he places the 
first glass4 ,this measurement is       
continued around the table1 and secures 
a uniform line for the water goblet1 and
 the claret1 wine1 hock1 and champagne  
glasses1 which are grouped about it4 ,he
 then causes a plate to be put at each  
place1 large enough to hold the majolica
 plate with the oysters1 which will come

 later4 ,one footman is detailed to fold
 the napkins1 which should be large1    
thick1 fine1 and serviceable for this   
stage of the dinner4 ,the napkins are   
not folded in any hotel device1 but     
simply in a three-cornered pyramid that 
will stand holding the roll or bread4   
,the knives1 forks1 and spoons1 each of 
which is wiped by the footman with his  
clean towel1 so that no dampness of his 
own hand shall mar their sparkling      
cleanliness1 are then distributed4      
,these should be all of silver2 two     
knives1 three forks1 and a soup-spoon   
being the usual number laid at each     
plate4  ,before each plate is placed a  
little salt-cellar1 either of silver or 
china1 in some fanciful shape4 ,tiny    
wheelbarrows are much used4 ,a carafe   
holding water should be put on very     
late1 and be fresh from the ice-chest4  
,very thin glasses are now used for     
choice sherry and ,madeira1 and are not 
put on until the latter part of the     
dinner1 as they may be broken4          

,menu-holders or card-holders of china  
or silver are often placed before each  
plate1 to hold the card on which the    
name of the guest is printed and the    
bill of fare from which he is to choose4
 ,these may be dispensed with1 however1 
and the menu and name laid on each      
plate4  ,the butler now turns his       
attention to his sideboards and tables1 
from whence he is to draw his supplies4 
,many people make a most ostentatious   
display of plate and china on their     
sideboards1 and if one has pretty things
 why not show them8 ,the poorer and more
 modest have1 on their sideboards1      
simply the things which will be needed4 
,but there should be a row of large     
forks1 a row of large knives1 a row of  
small ones1 a row of table-spoons1      
sauce-ladles1 dessert- spoons1          
fish-slice and fork1 a few tumblers1    
rows of claret1 sherry1 and ,madeira    
glasses1 and the reserve of             
dinner-plates4  ,on another table or    
sideboard should be placed the          

finger-bowls and glass dessert-plates1  
the smaller spoons and coffee cups and  
saucers4 ,on the table nearest the door 
should be the carving-knives and the    
first dinner-plates to be used4 ,here   
the head footman or the butler divides  
the fish and carves the piece de        
resistance1 the fillet of beef1 the     
haunch of venison1 the turkey1 or the   
saddle of mutton4 ,it is from this      
side-table that all the dinner should be
 served2 if the dining-room is small1   
the table can be placed in the hall or  
adjacent pantry4 ,as the fish is being  
served1 the first footman should offer  
,chablis1 or some kind of white wine2   
with the soup1 sherry2 with the roast1  
claret and champagne1 each guest being  
asked if he will have dry or sweet      
champagne4  ,as the plates are removed  
they should not be kept in the dining-  
room1 but sent to the kitchen           
immediately1 a maid standing outside to 
receive them1 so that no disorder of the
 dinner may reach the senses of the     

guests1 nor even an unpleasant odor4 ,as
 each plate is removed a fresh plate    
must be put in its place--generally a   
very beautiful piece of ,sevres1        
decorated with a landscape1 flowers1 or 
faces4  ,sparkling wines1 hock and      
champagne1 are not decanted1 but are    
kept in ice-pails1 and opened as        
required4 ,on the sideboard is placed   
the wine decanted for ,use1 and poured  
out as needed2 after the game has been  
handed1 decanters of choice ,madeira and
 port are placed before the host1 who   
sends them round to his guests4  ,in    
,england a very useful little piece of  
furniture1 called a dinner- wagon1 is in
 order4 ,this is a series of open       
shelves1 on which are placed the extra  
napkins or serviettes to be used2 for in
 ,england the first heavy napkin is     
taken away1 and a more delicate one     
brought with the ,roman punch1 with the 
game another1 and with the ices still   
another4 ,on this dinner-wagon are      
placed all the dessert- plates and the  

finger-glasses4 ,on the plate which is  
to serve for the ice is a gold          
ice-spoon1 and a silver dessert-knife   
and fork accompany the finger-bowl and  
glass plate4 ,this dinner-wagon also    
holds the salad-bowl and spoon1 of      
silver1 the salad-plates1 and the silver
 bread-basket1 in which should be thin  
slices of brown bread- and-butter4 ,a   
china dish in three compartments1 with  
cheese and butter and biscuits to be    
passed with the salad1 the extra sauces1
 the jellies for the meats1 the         
relishes1 the radishes and celery1 the  
olives and the sifted sugar-all things  
needed as accessaries of the            
dinner-table-can be put on this         
dinner-wagon1 or tagere1 as it is called
 in ,france4  ,no table-spoons should be
 laid on the table1 except those to be  
used for soup1 as the style of serving  
la ,russe precludes their being needed2 
and the extra spoons1 cruets1 and       
casters are put on the sideboard4  ,to  
wait on a large dinner-party the        

attendants average one to every three   
people1 and when only a butler and one  
footman are kept1 it is necessary to    
hire additional servants4  ,previous to 
the announcement of the dinner1 the     
footman places the soup-tureens and the 
soup-plates on the side-table4 ,as soon 
as the oysters are eaten1 and the plates
 removed1 the butler begins with the    
soup1 and sends it round by two footmen1
 one on each side1 each carrying two    
plates4 ,each footman should approach   
the guests on the left1 so that the     
right hand may be used for taking the   
plate4 ,half a ladleful of soup is quite
 enough to serve4  ,some ladies never   
allow their butler to do anything but   
hand the wine1 which he does at the     
right hand 7not the left71 asking each  
person if he will have ,sauterne1 dry or
 sweet champagne1 claret1 ,burgundy1 and
 so on4 ,but really clever butlers serve
 the soup1 carve1 and pour out the wine 
as well4 ,an inexperienced servant      
should never serve the wine2 it must be 

done briskly and neatly1 not explosively
 or carelessly4 ,the overfilling of the 
glass should be avoided1 and servants   
should be watched1 to see that they give
 champagne only to those who wish it1   
and that they do not overfill glasses   
for ladies1 who rarely drink anything4  
,a large plate-basket or two1 for       
removing dishes and silver that have    
been used1 are necessary1 and should not
 be forgotten4 ,the butler rings a bell 
which communicates with the kitchen when
 he requires anything1 and after each   
entre or course he thus gives the signal
 to the cook to send up another4  ,hot  
dinner-plates are prepared when the fish
 is removed1 and on these hot plates the
 butler serves all the meats2 the guests
 are also served with hot plates before 
the entres1 except p t de foie gras1 for
 which a cold plate is necessary4  ,some
 discretion should be shown by the      
servant who passes the entres4 ,a large 
table-spoon and fork should be placed on
 the dish1 and the dish then held low1  

so that the guest may help himself      
easily1 the servant standing at his left
 hand4 ,he should always have a small   
napkin over his hand as he passes a     
dish4 ,a napkin should also be wrapped  
around the champagne bottle1 as it is   
often dripping with moisture from the   
ice-chest4 ,it is the butler's duty to  
make the salad1 which he should do about
 half an hour before dinner4 ,there are 
now so many provocatives of appetite    
that it would seem as if we were all1   
after the manner of ,heliogabalus1      
determined to eat and die4 ,the best of 
these is the ,roman punch1 which1 coming
 after the heavy roasts1 prepares the   
palate and stomach for the canvas- back 
ducks or other game4 ,then comes the    
salad and cheese1 then the ices and     
sweets1 and then cheese savourie or     
cheese fondu4 ,this is only toasted     
cheese1 in a very elegant form1 and is  
served in little silver shells1         
sometimes as early in the dinner as just
 after the oysters1 but the favorite    

time is after the sweets4  ,the dessert 
is followed by the liqueurs1 which      
should be poured into very small        
glasses1 and handed by the butler on a  
small silver waiter4 ,when the ices are 
removed1 a dessert-plate of glass1 with 
a finger-bowl1 is placed before each    
person1 with two glasses1 one for       
sherry1 the other for claret or         
,burgundy1 and the grapes1 peaches1     
pears1 and other fruits are then passed4
 ,after the fruits go round1 the        
sugar-plums and a little dried ginger--a
 very pleasant conserve --are passed    
before the coffee4  ,the hostess makes  
the sign for retiring1 and the dinner   
breaks up4 ,the gentlemen are left to   
wine and cigars1 liqueurs and cognac1   
and the ladies retire to the            
drawing-room to chat and take their     
coffee4  ,in the selection of the floral
 decoration for the table the lady of   
the house has the final voice4 ,flowers 
which have a very heavy fragrance should
 not be used4 ,that roses and pinks1    

violets and lilacs1 are suitable1 goes  
without saying1 for they are always     
delightful2 but the heavy tropical odors
 of jasmine1 orange-blossom1 hyacinth1  
and tuberose should be avoided4 ,a very 
pretty decoration is obtained by using  
flowers of one color1 such as           
,jacqueminot roses1 or scarlet          
carnations1 which1 if placed in the     
gleaming crystal glass1 produce a very  
brilliant and beautiful effect4         
,flowers should not be put on the table 
until just before dinner is served1 as  
they are apt to be wilted by the heat   
and the lights4  ,we have used the      
,english term footman to indicate what  
is usually called a waiter in this      
country4 ,a waiter in ,england is a     
hired hotel-hand1 not a private servant4
  ,much taste and ingenuity are expended
 on the selection of favors for ladies1 
and these pretty fancies--bonbonnieres1 
painted ribbons and reticules1 and fans 
covered with flowers--add greatly to the
 elegance and luxury of our modern      

dinner-table4  ,a less reasonable       
conceit is that of having toys--such as 
imitation musical instruments1 crackers 
which make an unpleasant detonation1    
imitations of negro minstrels1 balloons1
 flags1 and pasteboard lobsters1 toads1 
and insects--presented to each lady4    
,these articles are neither tasteful nor
 amusing1 and have no excuse for being  
except that they afford an opportunity  
for the expenditure of more money4      
,,chapter ,,xxxii4 ,,favors ,,and       
,,bonbonnieres4  ,truly the world is    
very young for its age4 ,we are never   
too old to admire a pretty favor or a   
tasteful bonbonniere2 and1 looking back 
over the season1 we remember1 as among  
the most charming of the favors1 those  
with flowers painted upon silken        
banners1 with the owner's name          
intertwined4 ,the technical difficulties
 of painting upon silk are somewhat     
conquered1 one would think1 in looking  
at the endless devices composed of satin
 and painted flowers on the lunch-      

tables4 ,little boxes covered with silk1
 in eight and six sided forms1 with     
panels let in1 on which are painted     
acorns and oak leaves1 rosebuds or      
lilies1 and always the name or the      
cipher of the recipient1 are very       
pretty4 ,the ,easter-egg has long been a
 favorite offering in silk1 satin1      
plush1 and velvet1 in covered1          
egg-shaped boxes containing bonbons2    
these1 laid in a nest of gold and silver
 threads in a cloisonn basket1 afford a 
very pretty souvenir to carry home from 
a luncheon4  ,menu-holders of delicate  
gilt-work are also added to the other   
favors4 ,these pretty little things     
sometimes uphold a photograph1 or a     
porcelain plate on which is painted the 
lady's name1 and also a few flowers4    
,the little porcelain cards are not     
larger than a visiting-card1 and are    
often very artistic4 ,the famous and    
familiar horseshoe1 in silver or        
silver-gilt1 holding up the menu-card1  
is another pretty favor1 and a very nice

 one to carry home1 as it becomes a     
penholder when it is put on the         
writing-table4 ,wire rests1 shaped like 
those used for muskets in barracks      
yards1 are also used for the name and   
menu-cards4 ,plateaus1 shells1 baskets1 
figurettes1 vases holding flowers1      
dolphins1 ,tritons1 swan1 sea animals   
7in crockery71 roses which open and     
disclose the sugarplums1 sprays of      
coral1 and gilt conch-shells1 are all   
pretty1 especially when filled with     
flowers4  ,baskets in various styles are
 often seen4 ,one tied with a broad     
ribbon at the side is very useful as a  
work-basket afterwards4 ,open-work      
baskets1 lined with crimson or scarlet  
or pink or blue plush1 with another     
lining of silver paper to protect the   
plums1 are very tasteful4 ,a very pretty
 basket is one hung between three gilt  
handles or poles1 and filled with       
flowers or candies4 ,silvered and gilded
 beetles1 or butterflies1 fastened on   
the outside1 have a fanciful effect4    

,moss-covered trays holding dried       
grasses and straw1 and piles of         
chocolates that suggest ammunition1 are 
decorative and effective4  ,wheelbarrows
 of tiny size for flowers are a favorite
 conceit4 ,they are made of straw-work1 
entirely gilded1 or painted black or    
brown1 and picked out with gold2 or     
perhaps pale green1 with a bordering of 
brown4 ,a very pretty one may be made of
 old cigarbox wood2 on one side a       
monogram painted in red and gold1 on the
 other a spray of autumn leaves4        
,carved-wood barrows fitted with tin    
inside may hold a growing               
plant--stephanotis1 hyacinths1 ferns1   
ivy1 or any other hardy plant--and are  
very pleasing souvenirs4  ,the designs  
for reticules and chtelaines are        
endless4 ,at a very expensive luncheon1 
to which twenty-four ladies sat down1 a 
silk reticule a foot square1 filled with
 ,maillard's confections and decorated  
with an exquisitely painted landscape   
effect1 was presented to each guest4    

,these lovely reticules may be any      
shape1 and composed of almost any       
material4 ,a very handsome style is an  
eight-sided1 melon-shaped bag of black  
satin1 with a decoration of bunches of  
scarlet flowers painted or embroidered4 
,silk braided with gold1 brocade1 and   
plush combined1 and ,turkish towelling  
with an applique of brilliant color1 are
 all suitable and effective4  ,in the   
winter a shaded satin muff1 in which was
 hidden a bonbonniere1 was the present  
that made glad the hearts of twenty-    
eight ladies4 ,these are easily made in 
the house1 and a plush muff with a      
bird's head is a favorite favor4  ,a    
pair of bellows is a pretty and         
inexpensive bonbonniere4 ,they can be   
bought at the confectioner's1 and are   
more satisfactory than when made at     
home2 but if one is ingenious1 it is    
possible1 with a little pasteboard1 gilt
 paper1 silk1 and glue1 to turn out a   
very pretty little knickknack of this   
kind4 ,however1 the ,french do these    

things so much better than we do that a 
lady giving a lunch-party had better buy
 all her favors at some wholesale place4
 ,there is a real economy in buying such
 articles at the wholesale stores1 for  
the retail dealers double the price4    
,bronze1 iron1 and glass are all pressed
 into the service1 and occasionally we  
have at a lunch a whole military        
armament of cannon1 muskets1 swords1    
bronze helmets1 whole suits of armor1   
tazza for jewellery1 miniature cases1   
inkstands1 and powder-boxes1 all to hold
 a few sugar-plums4  ,at a christening  
party all the favors savor of the       
nursery--splendid cradles of flowers1 a 
bassinet of brilliante trimmed with     
ribbons for a bonbonniere1 powder-boxes1
 puffs1 little socks filled with sugar  
instead of little feet1 an infant's     
cloak standing on end 7really over      
pasteboard71 an infant's hood1 and even 
the flannel shirt has been copied4 ,of  
course the baptismal dish and silver cup
 are easily imitated4  ,perfumery is    

introduced in little cut-glass bottles1 
in leaden tubes like paint tubes1 in    
perfumed artificial flowers1 in sachets 
of powder1 and in the handles of fans4  
,boxes of satinwood1 small wood covers  
for music and blotting cases1 painted by
 hand1 are rather pretty favors4 ,the   
plain boxes and book covers can be      
bought and ornamented by the young      
artists of the family4 ,nothing is      
prettier than an owl sitting on an ivy  
vine for one of these4 ,the owl1 indeed1
 plays a very conspicuous part at the   
modern dinner-table and luncheon4 ,his  
power of looking wise and being foolish 
at the same time fits him for modern    
society4 ,he enters it as a             
pepper-caster1 a feathered bonbonniere1 
a pickle- holder 7in china71 and is     
drawn1 painted1 and photographed in     
every style4 ,a pun is made on his name3
 ,should owled acquaintance be forgot8  
etc4 ,he is a favorite in jewellery1 and
 is often carved in jade4 ,indeed1 the  
owl is having his day1 having had the   

night always to himself4  ,the squirrel1
 the dog1 the frog that would a-wooing  
go1 the white duck1 the pig1 and the    
mouse1 are all represented in china1 and
 in the various silks and gauzes of     
,french taste1 or in their native skins1
 or in any of the disguises that people 
may fancy4 ,bears with ragged staffs    
stand guard over a plate of modern      
faience1 as they do over the gates of   
,warwick ,castle4 ,cats mewing1 catching
 mice1 playing on the ,jews-harp1       
elephants full of choicest              
confectionery1 lions and tigers with    
chocolate insides1 and even the marked  
face and long hair of ,oscar ,wilde1 the
 last holding within its ample cranium  
caraway-seeds instead of brains1 played 
their part as favors4  ,the green       
enamelled dragon-fly1 grasshoppers and  
beetles1 flies and wasps1 moths and     
butterflies1 bright-tinted mandarin     
ducks1 peacocks1 and ostriches1         
tortoises cut in pebbles or made of     
pasteboard1 shrimps and crabs1 do all   

coldly furnish forth the lunch-table as 
favors and bonbonnieres4 ,then come     
plaster or pasteboard gondolas1 skiffs1 
wherries1 steamships1 and ferry-boats1  
all made with wondrous skill and        
freighted with caramels4 ,imitation     
rackets1 battledoor and shuttlecock1    
hoops and sticks1 castanets1 cup and    
ball1 tambourines1 guitars1 violins1    
hand-organs1 banjos1 and drums1 all have
 their little day as fashionable favors4
  ,little statuettes of ,kate           
,greenaway's quaint children now appear 
as favors1 and are very charming4 ,nor  
is that flexible curtain1 the fan1 left 
out4 ,those of paper1 pretty but not    
expensive1 are very common favors4 ,but 
the opulent offer pretty satin fans     
painted with the recipient's monogram1  
or else a fan which will match flowers  
and dress4 ,fans of lace1 and of        
tortoise-shell and carved ivory and     
sandal-wood1 are sometimes presented1   
but they are too ostentatious4 ,let us  
say to the givers of feasts1 be not too 

magnificent1 but if you give a fan1 give
 one that is good for something1 not a  
thing which breaks with the first fall4 
,a very pretty set of favors1 called    
fairies1 are little groups of children  
painted on muslin1 with a background of 
ribbon4 ,the muslin is so thin that the 
children seem floating on air4 ,the     
lady's name is also painted on the      
ribbon4  ,we find that favors for       
gentlemen1 such as sunflowers1          
pin-cushions1 small purses1 scarf-pins1 
and sleeve-buttons1 are more useful than
 those bestowed upon ladies1 but not so 
ornamental4  ,very pretty baskets1      
called huits 7the baskets used by the   
vine- growers to carry earth for the    
roots of the vines71 are made of straw  
ornamented with artificial flowers and  
grasses1 and filled with bonbons4       
,little ,leghorn hats trimmed with      
pompons of muslin1 blue1 pink1 or white1
 are filled with natural flowers and    
hung on the arm4 ,these are a lovely    
variation4  ,fruits--the apple1 pear1   

orange1 and plum1 delightfully          
realistic-- are made of composition1 and
 open to disclose most unexpected seeds4
  ,at trowel1 a knife1 fork1 and spoon1 
of artistically painted wood1 and a pair
 of oars1 all claim a passing notice as 
artistic novelties4  ,bags of plush1 and
 silk embroidered with daisies1 are very
 handsome and expensive favors2 heavily 
trimmed with lace1 they cost four       
dollars apiece1 but are sold a little   
cheaper by the dozen4 ,blue sashes1 with
 flowers painted on paper 7and attached 
to the sash a paper on which may be     
written the menu71 cost eighteen dollars
 a dozen4 ,a dish of snails1 fearfully  
realistic1 can be bought for one dollar 
a plate1 fruits for eighteen dollars a  
dozen1 and fans anywhere from twelve up 
to a hundred dollars a dozen4  ,a       
thousand dollars is not an unusual price
 for a luncheon1 including flowers and  
favors1 for eighteen to twenty-four     
guests4 ,indeed1 a luncheon was given   
last winter for which the hostess       

offered a prize for copies in miniature 
of the musical instruments used in      
,patience4 ,they were furnished to her  
for three hundred dollars4 ,the names of
 these now almost obsolete instruments  
were rappaka1 tibia1 archlute1 tambour1 
kiffar1 quinteme1 rebel1 tuckin1        
archviola1 lyre1 serpentine1 chluy1     
viola da gamba1 balalaika1 gong1        
ravanastron1 monochord1 shopkar4 ,the   
archlute is the mandolin4 ,they         
represented all countries1 and were     
delicate specimens of toy handiwork4    
,we have not entered into the vast field
 of glass1 china1 porcelain1 cloisonn1  
,dresden1 faience jugs1 boxes1 plates1  
bottles1 and vases1 which are all used  
as favors4 ,indeed1 it would be         
impossible to describe half of the      
fancies which minister to modern        
extravagance4 ,the bonbonniere can cost 
anything1 from five to five hundred     
dollars2 fifty dollars for a satin box  
filled with candy is not an uncommon    
price4 ,sometimes1 when the box is of   

oxidized silver--a quaint copy of the   
antique from ,benvenuto ,cellini--this  
price is not too much2 but when it is a 
thing which tarnishes in a month1 it    
seems ridiculously extravagant4  ,we    
have seen very pretty and artistic cheap
 favors4 ,reticules made of bright      
cotton1 or silk handkerchiefs with      
borders2 cards painted by the artists of
 the family2 palm-leaf fans covered with
 real flowers1 or painted with imitation
 ones2 sunflowers made of pasteboard1   
with portfolios behind them2 pretty     
little parasols of flowers2 ,little ,red
 ,riding-hood1 officiating as a         
receptacle for stray pennies2 ,japanese 
teapots1 with the cozy made at home2    
little doyleys wrought with delightful  
designs from ,pretty ,peggy1 and        
numberless other graceful and charming  
trifles4  ,,chapter ,,xxxiii4           
,,dinner-,,table ,,novelties4  ,one     
would think that modern luxury had      
reached its ultimatum in the delicate   
refinements of dinner-giving1 but each  

dinner-table reveals the fact that this 
is an inexhaustible subject4 ,the floral
 world is capable of an infinity of     
surprises1 and the last one is a cameo  
of flowers on a door1 shaped like a     
four-leaved clover4 ,the guests are thus
 assured of good-luck4 ,the horseshoe   
having been so much used that it is now 
almost obsolete1 except in jewelry1 the 
clover-leaf has come in4 ,a very        
beautiful dinner far up ,fifth ,avenue  
had this winter an entirely new idea1   
inasmuch as the flowers were put        
overhead4 ,the delicate vine1 resembling
 green asparagus in its fragility1 was  
suspended from the chandelier to the    
four corners of the room1 and on it were
 hung delicate roses1                   
lilies-of-the-valley1 pinks1 and        
fragrant jasmine1 which sent down their 
odors1 and occasionally dropped         
themselves into a lady's lap4 ,this is  
an exquisite bit of luxury4  ,then the  
arrival1 two months before ,easter1 of  
the fragrant1 beautiful ,easter lilies  

has added a magnificent and stately     
effect to the central bouquets4 ,it has 
been found that the island of ,bermuda  
is a great reservoir of these bulbs1    
which are sent up1 like their unfragrant
 rivals the onions1 by the barrelful4   
,even a piece of a bulb will produce    
from three to five lilies1 so that these
 fine flowers are more cheap and plenty 
in ,january than usually in ,april4 ,a  
dining-room1 square in shape1 hung with 
richly-embroidered1 old- gold tapestry1 
with a round table set for twenty1 with 
silver and glass and a great bunch of   
lilies and green ferns in the middle1   
and a crazy quilt of flowers over one's 
head1 may well reproduce the sense of   
dreamland which modern luxury is trying 
to follow4  ,truly we live in the days  
of ,aladdin4 ,six weeks after the ground
 was broken in ,secretary ,whitney's    
garden in ,washington for his ballroom1 
the company assembled in a magnificent  
apartment with fluted gold- ceiling and 
crimson brocade hangings1 bronzes1      

statues1 and ,dresden candlesticks1 and 
a large wood fire at one end1 in which  
logs six feet long were burning--all    
looking as if it were part of an old    
baronial castle of the ,middle ,ages4   
,the florists will furnish you red      
clovers in ,january if you give your    
order in ,october4 ,great bunches of    
flowers1 of a pure scarlet unmixed with 
any other color1 are very fashionable1  
and the effect in a softly-lighted room 
is most startling and beautiful4  ,the  
lighting of rooms by means of lamps and 
candles is giving hostesses great       
annoyance4 ,there is scarcely a         
dinner-party but the candles set fire to
 their fringed shades1 and a            
conflagration ensues4 ,then the new     
lamps1 which give such a resplendent    
light1 have been known to melt the metal
 about the wick1 and the consequences   
have been disastrous4 ,the next move    
will probably be the dipping of the     
paper in some asbestos or other         
anti-inflammable substance1 so that     

there will be no danger of fire at the  
dinner- table4 ,the screens put over the
 candles should not have this paper-    
fringe2 it is very dangerous4 ,but if a 
candle screen takes fire1 have the      
coolness to let it burn itself up       
without touching it1 as thus it will be 
entirely innocuous1 although rather     
appalling to look at4 ,move a plate     
under it to catch the flying fragments1 
and no harm will be done2 but a         
well-intentioned effort to blow it out  
or to remove it generally results in a  
very much more wide-spread              
conflagration4  ,china and glass go on  
improving2 and there are jewelled       
goblets and centre-pieces of yellow     
glass covered with gold and what looks  
like jewels4 ,knives and forks are now  
to be had with crystal handles set in   
silver1 very ornamental and             
clean-looking2 these come from ,bohemia4
 ,the endless succession of beautiful   
plates are more and more ,japanese in   
tone4  ,satsuma vases and jugs are often

 sent to a lady1 full of beautiful      
roses1 thus making a lasting souvenir of
 what would be a perishable gift4 ,these
 ,satsuma jugs are excellent things in  
which to plant hyacinths1 and they look 
well in the centre of the dinner-table  
with these flowers growing in them4     
,faded flowers can be entirely restored 
to freshness by clipping the stems and  
putting them in very hot water2 then set
 them away from the gas and furnace     
heat1 and they come on the dinner-table 
fresh for several days after their      
disappearance in disgrace as faded or   
jaded bouquets4 ,flowers thus restored  
have been put in a cold library1 where  
the water1 once hot1 has frozen stiff1  
and yet have borne these two extremes of
 temperature without loss of beauty--in 
fact1 have lasted presentably from      
,monday morning to ,saturday night4     
,what flowers cannot stand is the air we
 all live in--at what cost to our       
freshness we find out in the spring--the
 overheated furnace and gas-laden air of

 the modern dining-room4 ,the secret of 
the hot-water treatment is said to be   
this3 the sap is sent up into the flower
 instead of lingering in the stems4     
,roses respond to this treatment        
wonderfully4  ,the fashion of wearing   
low-necked dresses at dinner has become 
so pronounced that the moralists begin  
to issue weekly essays against this     
revival as if it had never been done    
before4 ,our virtuous grandmothers would
 be astonished to hear that their       
ball-dresses 7never cut high7 were so   
immoral and indecent4 ,the fact remains 
that a sleeveless gown1 cut in a        
,pompadour form1 is far more of a       
revelation of figure than a low-necked  
dinner-dress properly made4 ,there is no
 line of the figure so dear to the      
artist as that one revealed from the    
nape of the neck to the shoulder4 ,a    
beautiful back is the delight of the    
sculptor4 ,no lady who understands the  
fine-art of dress would ever have her   
gown cut too low3 it is ugly1 besides   

being immodest4 ,the persons who bring  
discredit on fashion are those who      
misinterpret it4 ,the truly artistic    
modiste cuts a low-necked dress to      
reveal the fine lines of the back1 but  
it is never in ,france cut too low in   
front4 ,the excessive heat of an        
,american dining-room makes this dress  
very much more comfortable than the high
 dresses which were brought in several  
years ago1 because a princess had a     
goitre which she wished to disguise3    
,no fulminations against fashion have   
ever effected reforms4 ,we must take    
fashion as we find it1 and strive to    
mould dress to our own style1 not       
slavishly adhering to1 but respectfully 
following1 the reigning mode1           
remembering that all writings and edicts
 against this sub-ruler of the world are
 like sunbeams falling on a stone wall4 
,the sunbeams vanish1 but the stone wall
 remains4  ,the modern married belle at 
a dinner is apt to be dressed in white1 
with much crystal trimming1 with        

feathers in her hair1 and with diamonds 
on her neck and arms1 and a pair of     
long1 brown ,swedish gloves drawn up to 
her shoulders2 a feather fan of ostrich 
feathers hangs at her side by a ribbon  
or a chain of diamonds and pearls4 ,the 
long1 brown ,swedish gloves are an      
anomaly2 they do not suit the rest of   
this exquisite dress1 but fashion       
decrees that they shall be worn1 and    
therefore they are worn4  ,the fine1    
stately fashion of wearing feathers in  
the hair has returned1 and it is        
becoming to middle-aged women4 ,it gives
 them a queenly air4 ,young girls look  
better for the simplest head-gear2 they 
wear their hair high or low as they     
consider becoming4  ,monstrous and      
inconvenient bouquets are again the     
fashion1 and a very ugly fashion it is4 
,a lady does not know what to do with   
her two or three bouquets at a musicale 
or a dinner1 so they are laid away on a 
table4 ,the only thing that can be done 
is to sit after dinner with them in her 

lap1 and the prima donna at a musicale  
lays hers on the grand piano4  ,more and
 more is it becoming the fashion to have
 music at the end of a dinner in the    
drawing-room1 instead of having it      
played during dinner4 ,elocutionists are
 asked in to amuse the guests1 who1     
having been fed on terrapin and         
canvas-back ducks1 are not supposed to  
be in a talking mood4 ,this may be      
overdone4 ,many people like to talk     
after dinner with the people who are    
thus accidentally brought together2 for 
in our large cities the company         
assembled about a dinner-table are very 
often fresh acquaintances who like to   
improve that opportunity to know each   
other better4  ,we have spoken of the   
dress of ladies1 which1 if we were to   
pursue1 would lead us into all the      
details of velvet1 satin1 and brocade1  
and would be a departure from our       
subject2 let us therefore glance at the 
gentlemen at a modern1 most modern1     
dinner4 ,the vests are cut very low1 and

 exhibit a piqu embroidered shirt front 
held by one stud1 generally a cat's-eye2
 however1 three studs are permissible4  
,white plain-pleated linen1 with enamel 
studs resembling linen1 is also very    
fashionable4 ,a few young men1 sometimes
 called dudes--no one knows why--wear   
pink coral studs or pearls1 generally   
black pearls4 ,elderly gentlemen content
 themselves with plain-pleated          
shirt-fronts and white ties1 indulging  
even in wearing their watches in the old
 way1 as fashion has reintroduced the   
short vest-chain so long banished4  ,it 
is pleasant to see the old-fashioned    
gold chain for the neck reappearing4 ,it
 always had a pretty effect1 and is now 
much worn to support the locket1 cross1 
or medallion portrait which ladies wear 
after the ,louis ,quinze fashion4 ,gold 
is more becoming to dark complexions    
than pearls1 and many ladies hail this  
return to gold necklaces with much      
delight4  ,gentlemen now wear           
pearl-colored gloves embroidered in     

black to dinners1 and do not remove them
 until they sit down to table4 ,seal    
rings for the third finger are replacing
 the sunken jewels in dead gold which   
have been so fashionable for several    
years for gentlemen4  ,all the          
ornamentation of the dinner-table is    
high this winter--high candlesticks1    
high vases1 high glasses for the        
flowers1 and tall glass compotiers4     
,salt-cellars are looking up2 and a     
favorite device is a silver vase1 about 
two inches high1 with a shell for salt4 
,silver and silver-gilt dishes1 having  
been banished for five years1 are now   
reasserting their pre-eminent fitness   
for the modern dinner- table4 ,people   
grew tired of silver1 and banished it to
 the plate- chest4 ,now all the old     
pieces are being burnished up and       
reappearing2 and happy the hostess who  
has some real old ,queen ,anne4 ,as the 
silver dollar loses caste1 the silver   
soup tureen1 or1 as the ,french say1 the
 soupiere 7and it is a good word71 rises

 in fashion1 and the teapot of our      
grandmothers resumes its honored place4 
,,chapter ,,xxxiv4 ,,summer ,,dinners4  
,there is a season when the lingerers in
 town accept with pleasure an invitation
 to the neighboring country house1 where
 the lucky suburban cit likes to        
entertain his friends4 ,it is to be     
doubted1 however1 whether hospitality is
 an unmixed pleasure to those who extend
 it4 ,with each blessing of prosperity  
comes an attendant evil1 and a lady who 
has a country house has always to face  
the fact that her servants are apt to   
decamp in a body on ,saturday night1 and
 leave her to take care of her guests as
 best she may4 ,the nearer to town the  
greater the necessity for running a     
servant's omnibus1 which shall take the 
departing offender to the train1 and    
speed the arrival of her successor4  ,no
 lady should attempt to entertain in the
 country who has not a good cook and a  
very competent waiter or waitress4 ,the 
latter1 if well trained1 is in every    

respect as good as a man1 and in some   
respects more desirable2 women-servants 
are usually quiet1 neater than          
men-servants1 as a rule1 and require    
less waiting upon4 ,both men and women  
should be required to wear shoes that do
 not creak1 and to be immaculately neat 
in their attire4 ,maid-servants should  
always wear caps and white aprons1 and  
men dress-coats1 white cravats1 and     
perfectly fresh linen4  ,as the dinners 
of the opulent1 who have butler1        
waiters1 ,french cook1 etc41 are quite  
able to take care of themselves1 we     
prefer to answer the inquiries of those 
of our correspondents who live in a     
simple manner1 with two or three        
servants1 and who wish to entertain with
 hospitality and without great expense4 
,the dining-room of many country houses 
is small1 and not cheerfully furnished4 
,the houses built recently are improved 
in this respect1 however1 and now we    
will imagine a large room that has a    
pretty outlook on the ,hudson1 carpeted 

with fragrant matting1 or with a        
hard-wood floor1 on which lie ,india    
rugs4 ,the table should be oval1 as that
 shape brings guests near to each other4
 ,the table-cloth should be of white    
damask1 and as fresh as sweet clover1   
for dinner3 colored cloths are          
permissible only for breakfast and tea4 
,the chairs should be easy1 with high1  
slanting backs4 ,for summer1 cane chairs
 are much the most comfortable1 although
 those covered with leather are very    
nice4 ,some people prefer arm-chairs at 
dinner1 but the arms are inconvenient to
 many1 and1 besides1 take a great deal  
of room4 ,the armless dinner-chairs are 
the best4  ,now1 as a dinner in the     
country generally occurs after the      
gentlemen come from town1 the matter of 
light has to be considered4 ,if our late
 brilliant sunsets do not supply enough1
 how shall we light our summer dinners8 
,few country houses have gas4 ,even if  
they have1 it would be very hot1 and    
attract mosquitoes4  ,candles are very  

pretty1 but exceedingly troublesome4    
,the wind blows the flame to and fro2   
the insects flutter into the light2 an  
unhappy moth seats himself on the wick1 
and burning into an unsightly cadaver   
makes a gutter down one side2 the little
 red-paper shades take fire1 and there  
is a general conflagration4 ,yet light  
is positively necessary to digestion1   
and no party can be cheerful without it4
 ,therefore1 try carcel or moderator    
lamps with pretty transparent shades1 or
 a hanging lamp with ground-glass shade4
 ,these lamps1 filled with kerosene--and
 it must be done neatly1 so that it will
 not smell--are the best lamps for the  
country dinner4 ,if possible1 however1  
have a country dinner by the light of   
day2 it is much more cheerful4  ,now for
 the ornamentation of the dinner4 ,let  
it be of flowers--wild ones1 if         
possible1 grasses1 clovers1 buttercups1 
and a few fragrant roses or garden      
flowers4 ,there is no end to the cheap  
decorative china articles that are sold 

now for the use of flowers4 ,a          
contemporary mentions orchids placed in 
baskets on the shoulders of ,arcadian   
peasants2 lilies-of-the-valley1 with    
leaves as pale as their flowers1 wheeled
 in barrows by ,cupids or set in china  
slippers2 crocuses grown in a china pot 
shaped like a thumbed copy of ,victor   
,hugo's ,notre ,dame de ,paris2 or white
 tulips in a cluster of three gilt      
sabots1 large enough to form a capital  
flower-stand1 mounted on gilt1 rustic   
branches4 ,stout pitchers1 glass bowls1 
china bowls1 and even old teapots1 make 
pretty bouquet-holders4 ,the ,greek     
vase1 the classic-shaped1 old-fashioned 
champagne glass1 are1 however1          
unrivalled for the light grasses1 field 
daisies1 and fresh garden flowers4      
,pretty1 modern ,english china1 the     
cheap old blue1 the white and gold1 or  
the ,french1 with a colored border1 are 
all good enough for a country dinner2   
for if people have two houses1 they do  
not like to take their fragile1         

expensive china to the country4         
,prettily-shaped tureens and vegetable  
dishes add very much to the comfort and 
happiness of the diners1 and fortunately
 they are cheap and easily obtained4    
,glass should always be thin and fine1  
and tea and coffee cups delicate to the 
lip3 avoid the thick crockery of a      
hotel4  ,for a country dinner the table 
should be set near a window1 or windows1
 if possible2 in fine weather1 in the   
hall or on the wide veranda4 ,if the    
veranda have long windows1 the servant  
can pass in and out easily4 ,there      
should be a side-board and a side1      
table1 relays of knives1 forks and      
spoons1 dishes and glasses not in use1  
and a table from which the servant can  
help the soup and carve the joint1 as on
 a hot day no one wishes to see these   
two dishes on the table4 ,a maid-servant
 should be taught by her mistress how to
 carve1 in order to save time and       
trouble4 ,soup for a country dinner     
should be clear bouillon1 with macaroni 

and cheese1 creme d'asperge1 or         
,julienne1 which has in it all the      
vegetables of the season4 ,heavy        
mock-turtle1 bean soup1 or ox-tail are  
not in order for a country dinner4 ,if  
the lady of the house have a talent for 
cookery1 she should have her soups made 
the day before1 all the grease removed  
when the stock is cold1 and season them 
herself4  ,it is better in a country    
house to have some cold dish that will  
serve as a resource if the cook should  
leave4 ,melton veal1 which can be       
prepared on ,monday and which will last 
until ,saturday1 is an excellent        
stand-by2 and a cold boiled or roast ham
 should always be on the side-board4 ,a 
hungry man can make a comfortable dinner
 of cold ham and a baked potato4  ,every
 country householder should try to have 
a vegetable garden1 for pease1 beans1   
young turnips1 and salads fresh gathered
 are very superior to those which even  
the best grocer furnishes4 ,and of all  
the luxuries of a country dinner the    

fresh vegetables are the greatest4      
,especially does the tired citizen1 fed 
on the esculents of the corner grocery1 
delight in the green pease1 the crisp   
lettuce1 the undefiled strawberries4    
,one old epicure of ,new ,york asks of  
his country friends only a piece of     
boiled salt pork with vegetables1 a     
potato salad1 some cheese1 five large   
strawberries1 and a cup of coffee4 ,the 
large family of salads help to make the 
country dinner delightful4 ,given a     
clear beef soup1 a slice of fresh-boiled
 salmon1 a bit of spring lamb with mint 
sauce1 some green pease and fresh       
potatoes1 a salad of lettuce1 or sliced 
tomatoes1 or potatoes with a bit of     
onion1 and you have a dinner fit for a  
,brillat-,savarin2 or vary it with a    
pair of boiled chickens1 and a          
jardiniere made of all the pease1 beans1
 potatoes1 cauliflower1 fresh beets1 of 
the day before1 simply treated to a bath
 of vinegar and oil and pepper and salt4
 ,the lady who has conquered the salad  

question may laugh at the caprices of   
cooks1 and defy the hour at which the   
train leaves4  ,what so good as an egg  
salad for a hungry company8 ,boil the   
eggs hard and slice them1 cover with a  
mayonnaise dressing1 and put a few      
lettuce leaves about the plate1 and you 
have a sustaining meal4  ,many families 
have cold meats and warm vegetables for 
their midday dinner during the summer4  
,this is not healthy4 ,let all the      
dinner be cold if the meats are2 and a  
dinner of cold roast beef1 of salad1 and
 cold asparagus1 dressed with pepper1   
oil1 and vinegar1 is not a bad meal4    
,it is better for almost everybody1     
however1 to eat a hot dinner1 even in   
hot weather1 as the digestion is aided  
by the friendly power of the caloric4   
,indeed dyspepsia1 almost universal with
 ,americans1 is attributed to the habit 
which prevails in this country above all
 others of drinking ice-water4  ,carafes
 of ice-water1 a silver dish for ice1   
and a pair of ice- tongs1 should be put 

on the table for a summer dinner4 ,for  
desserts there is an almost endless     
succession1 and with cream in her dairy1
 and a patent ice-cream freezer in her  
cuisine1 the house-keeper need not lack 
delicate and delicious dishes of berries
 and fruits4 ,no hot puddings should be 
served1 or heavy pies2 but the fruit    
tart is an excellent sweet1 and should  
be made   ravir2 the pastry should melt 
in the mouth1 and the fruit be stewed   
with a great deal of sugar4 ,cream      
should be put on the table in large     
glass pitchers1 for it is a great luxury
 of the country and of the summer       
season4  ,the cold custards1            
,charlotte-,russe1 and creams stiffened 
with gelatine and delicately flavored1  
are very nice for a summer dinner4 ,so  
is home-made cake1 when well made3 this1
 indeed1 is always its only excuse for  
being4  ,stewed fruit is a favorite     
dessert in ,england1 and the gooseberry1
 which here is but little used1 is much 
liked there4 ,americans prefer to eat   

fruit fresh1 and therefore have not     
learned to stew it4 ,stewing is1        
however1 a branch of cookery well worth 
the attention of a first-class          
house-keeper4 ,it makes even the canned 
abominations better1 and the ,california
 canned apricot stewed with sugar is one
 of the most delightful of sweets1 and  
very wholesome2 canned peaches stewed   
with sugar lose the taste of tin1 which 
sets the teeth on edge1 and stewed      
currants are delicious4  ,every         
house-keeper should learn to cook       
macaroni well4 ,it is worth while to    
spend an hour at ,martinelli's1 for this
 ,italian staple is economical1 and     
extremely palatable if properly         
prepared4 ,rice1 too1 should have a     
place in a summer bill of fare1 as an   
occasional substitute for potatoes1     
which some people cannot eat4  ,for     
summer dinners there should never be    
anything on the table when the guests   
sit down but the flowers and the        
dessert1 the ice- pitchers or carafes1  

and bowls of ice1 the glass1 china1 and 
silver3 the last three should all be    
simple1 and not profuse4  ,many families
 now1 fearing burglars1 use only plated 
spoons1 knives1 forks1 and dishes at    
their country houses4 ,modern plate is  
so very good that there is less         
objection to this than formerly2 but the
 genuine house-keeper loves the real    
silver spoons and forks1 and prefers to 
use them4  ,the ostentatious display of 
silver1 however1 is bad taste at a      
country dinner4 ,glass dishes are much  
more elegant and appropriate1 and quite 
expensive enough to bear the title of   
luxuries4  ,avoid all greasy and heavy  
dishes4 ,good roast beef1 mutton1 lamb1 
veal1 chickens1 and fresh fish are      
always in order1 for the system craves  
the support of these solids in summer as
 well as in winter2 but do not offer    
pork1 unless in the most delicate form1 
and then in small quantities4 ,fried    
salt pork1 if not too fat1 is always a  
pleasant addition to the broiled bird4  

,broiled fish1 broiled chicken1 broiled 
ham1 broiled steaks and chops1 are      
always satisfactory4 ,the grid-iron made
 ,st4 ,lawrence fit for ,heaven1 and its
 qualities have been elevating and      
refining ever since4 ,nothing can be    
less healthy or less agreeable to the   
taste at a summer dinner than fried     
food4 ,the frying-pan should have been  
thrown into the fire long ago1 and      
burned up4  ,the house-keeper living    
near the sea has an ample store to      
choose from in the toothsome crab1 clam1
 lobster1 and other crustacea4 ,the     
fresh fish1 the roast clams1 etc41 take 
the place of the devilled kidneys and   
broiled bones of the winter4 ,but every 
housewife should study the markets of   
her neighborhood4 ,in many rural        
districts the butchers give away1 or    
throw to the dogs1 sweetbreads and other
 morsels which are the very essence of  
luxury4 ,calf's head is rejected by the 
rural buyer1 and a ,frenchman who had   
the physiologie du got at his           

finger-ends1 declared that in a country 
place1 not five miles from ,new ,york1  
he gave luxurious dinners on what the   
butcher threw away4  ,,chapter ,,xxxv4  
,,luncheons1 ,,informal ,,and ,,social4 
,the informal lunch is perhaps less     
understood in this country than in any  
other1 because it is rarely necessary4  
,in the country it is called early      
dinner1 children's dinner1 or ladies'   
dinner2 in the city1 when the gentlemen 
are all down town1 then blossoms out the
 elaborate ladies' lunch4  ,but in      
,england1 at a country house1 and indeed
 in ,london1 luncheon is a recognized   
and very delightful meal1 at which the  
most distinguished men and women meet   
over a joint and a cherry tart1 and talk
 and laugh for an hour without the      
restraint of the late and formal dinner4
  ,it occupies a prominent place in the 
history of hospitality1 and ,lord       
,houghton1 among others1 was famous for 
his unceremonious lunches4 ,as it is    
understood to be an informal meal1 the  

invitations are generally sent only a   
short time before the day for which the 
recipient is invited1 and are written in
 the first person4 ,lord ,houghton's    
were apt to be simply1 ,come and lunch  
with me to-morrow4 ,at our prominent    
places of summer resort1 ladies who have
 houses of their own generally give     
their male friends a carte blanche      
invitation to luncheon4 ,they are       
expected to avail themselves of it      
without ceremony1 and at ,newport the   
table is always laid with the extra     
knife and fork1 or two or three1 as may 
be thought necessary4 ,ladies1 however1 
should be definitely asked to this meal 
as to others4  ,it is a very convenient 
meal1 as it permits of an irregular     
number1 of a superfluity of ladies or   
gentlemen2 it is chatty and easy1 and is
 neither troublesome nor expensive4     
,the hour of luncheon is stated1 but    
severe punctuality is not insisted upon4
 ,a guest who is told that he may drop  
in at half-past one o'clock every day   

will be forgiven if he comes as late as 
two4  ,ladies may come in their hats or 
bonnets2 gentlemen in lawn-tennis suits1
 if they wish4 ,it is incumbent upon the
 hostess but not upon the host to be    
present4 ,it is quite immaterial where  
the guests sit1 and they go in          
separately1 not arm-in-arm4  ,either    
white or colored table-cloths are       
equally proper1 and some people use the 
bare mahogany1 but this is unusual4     
,the most convenient and easy-going     
luncheons are served from the buffet or 
side-table1 and the guests help         
themselves to cold ham1 tongue1 roast   
beef1 etc4 ,the fruit and wine and bread
 should stand on the table4  ,each chair
 has in front of it two plates1 a napkin
 with bread1 two knives1 two forks and  
spoons1 a small salt-cellar1 and three  
glasses--a tumbler for water1 a claret  
glass1 and a sherry glass4  ,bouillon is
 sometimes offered in summer1 but not   
often4 ,if served well1 it should be in 
cups4 ,dishes of dressed salad1 a cold  

fowl1 game1 or hot chops1 can be put    
before the hostess or passed by the     
servant4 ,soup and fish are never       
offered at these luncheons4 ,some people
 prefer a hot lunch1 and chops1 birds on
 toast1 or a beefsteak1 with mashed     
potatoes1 asparagus1 or green pease1 are
 suitable dishes4  ,it is proper at a   
country place to offer a full luncheon1 
or to have a cold joint on the          
sideboard2 and after the more serious   
part of the luncheon has been removed1  
the hostess can dismiss the servants1   
and serve the ice-cream or tart herself1
 with the assistance of her guests4     
,clean plates1 knives1 and forks should 
be in readiness4  ,in ,england a hot    
joint is always served from the         
sideboard4 ,in fact1 an ,english        
luncheon is exactly what a plain        
,american dinner was formerly--a roast  
of mutton or beef1 a few vegetables1 a  
tart1 some fruit1 and a glass of sherry4
 ,but we have changed the practice      
considerably1 and now our luxurious     

country offers nothing plain4  ,in this 
country one waiter generally remains    
during the whole meal1 and serves the   
table as he would at dinner--only with  
less ceremony4 ,it is perfectly proper  
at luncheon for any one to rise and help
 himself to what he wishes4  ,tea and   
coffee are never served after luncheon  
in the drawing-room or dining-room4     
,people are not expected to remain long 
after luncheon1 as the lady of the house
 may have engagements for the afternoon4
  ,in many houses the butler arranges   
the luncheon1 table with flowers or     
fruit1 plates of thin bread-and butter1 
jellies1 creams1 cakes1 and preserves1 a
 dish of cold salmon mayonnaise1 and    
decanters of sherry and claret4 ,he     
places a cold ham or chicken on the     
sideboard1 and a pitcher of ice-water on
 a side-table1 and then leaves the      
dining-room1 and takes no heed of the   
baser wants of humanity until           
dinner-time4 ,an underman or footman    
takes the place of this lofty being1 and

 waits at table4  ,in more modest       
houses1 where there is only a           
maid-servant or one man1 all            
arrangements for the luncheon and for   
expected guests should be made          
immediately after breakfast4  ,if the   
children dine with the family at        
luncheon1 it1 of course1 becomes an     
important meal1 and should include one  
hot dish and a simple dessert4  ,it is  
well for people living in the country1  
and with a certain degree of style1 to  
study up the methods of making salads   
and cold dishes1 for these come in so   
admirably for luncheon that they often  
save a hostess great mortification4 ,by 
attention to small details a very humble
 repast may be most elegant4 ,a silver  
bread-basket for the thin slices of     
bread1 a pretty cheese-dish1 a napkin   
around the cheese1 pats of butter in a  
pretty dish1 flowers in vases1 fruits   
neatly served--these things cost little1
 but they add a zest to the pleasures of
 the table4  ,if a hot luncheon is      

served1 it is not etiquette to put the  
vegetables on the table as at dinner2   
they should be handed by the waiter4    
,the luncheon-table is already full of  
the articles for dessert1 and there is  
no place for the vegetables4 ,the hot   
entres or cold entres are placed before 
the master or mistress1 and each guest  
is asked what he prefers4 ,the whole    
aspect of luncheon is thus made         
perfectly informal4  ,if a lady gives a 
more formal lunch1 and has it served    
la ,russe1 the first entre--let us say  
chops and green pease--is handed by the 
waiter1 commencing with the lady who    
sits on the right hand of the master of 
the house4 ,this is followed by         
vegetables4 ,plates having been renewed1
 a salad and some cold ham can be       
offered4 ,the waiter fills the glasses  
with sherry1 or offers claret4 ,when    
champagne is served at lunch1 it is     
immediately after the first dish has    
been served1 and claret and sherry are  
not then given unless asked for4  ,after

 the salad a fresh plate1 with a        
dessert-spoon and small fork upon it1 is
 placed before each person4 ,the        
ice-cream1 pie1 or pudding is then      
placed in front of the hostess1 who cuts
 it1 and puts a portion on each plate4  
,after these dainties have been         
discussed1 a glass plate1 serviette1 and
 finger-bowl are placed before each     
guest for fruit4 ,the servant takes the 
plate from his mistress after she has   
filled it1 and hands it to the lady of  
first consideration1 and so on4 ,when   
only members of the family are present  
at luncheon1 the mistress of the house  
is helped first4  ,fruit tarts1 pudding1
 sweet omelette1 jellies1 blancmange1   
and ice- cream are all proper dessert   
for luncheon2 also luncheon cake1 or the
 plainer sorts of loaf-cake4  ,it is    
well in all households1 if possible1 for
 the children to breakfast and lunch    
with their parents4 ,the teaching of    
table manners cannot be begun too soon4 
,but children should never be allowed to

 trouble guests4 ,if not old enough to  
behave well at table1 guests should not 
be invited to the meals at which they   
are present4 ,it is very trying to      
parents1 guests1 and servants4  ,when   
luncheon is to be an agreeable social   
repast1 which guests are expected to    
share1 then the children should dine    
elsewhere4 ,no mother succeeds better in
 the rearing of her children than she   
who has a nursery dining-room1 where1   
under her own eye1 her bantlings are    
properly fed4 ,it is not so much        
trouble1 either1 as one would think4    
,table mats are no longer used in       
stylish houses1 either at luncheon or at
 dinner4 ,the waiter should have a      
coarse towel in the butler's pantry1 and
 wipe each dish before he puts it on the
 table4  ,menu-cards are never used at  
luncheon4 ,salt-cellars and small water 
carafes may be placed up and down the   
luncheon-table4  ,in our country1 where 
servants run away and leave their       
mistress when she is expecting guests1  

it is well to be able to improvise a    
dish from such materials as may be at   
hand4 ,nothing is better than a cod     
mayonnaise4 ,a cod boiled in the morning
 is a friend in the afternoon4 ,when it 
is cold remove the skin and bones4 ,for 
sauce put some thick cream in a         
porcelain saucepan1 and thicken it with 
corn- flour which has been mixed with   
cold water4 ,when it begins to boil1    
stir in the beaten yolks of two eggs4   
,as it cools1 beat it well to prevent it
 from becoming lumpy1 and when nearly   
cold1 stir in the juice of two lemons1 a
 little tarragon vinegar1 a pinch of    
salt1 and a soupon of ,cayenne pepper4  
,peel and slice some very ripe tomatoes 
or cold potatoes2 steep them in vinegar1
 with ,cayenne1 powdered ginger1 and    
plenty of salt2 lay these around the    
fish1 and cover with the cream sauce4   
,this makes a very elegant cold dish for
 luncheon4 ,the tomatoes or potatoes    
should be taken out of the vinegar and  
carefully drained before they are placed

 around the fish4  ,some giblets        
carefully saved from the ducks1 geese1  
or chickens of yesterday's dinner should
 be stewed in good beef stock1 and then 
set away to cool4 ,put them in a stewpan
 with dried split pease1 and boil them  
until they are reduced to pulp2 serve   
this mixture hot on toast1 and1 if      
properly flavored with salt and pepper1 
you have a good luncheon dish4          
,vegetable salads of beet-root1         
potatoes1 and lettuce are always        
delicious1 and the careful housewife who
 rises early in the morning and provides
 a round of cold corned beef1 plenty of 
bread1 and a luncheon cake1 need not    
regret the ephemeral cook1 or fear the  
coming city guest4  ,every country      
housewife should learn to garnish dishes
 with capers1 a border of water-cresses1
 plain parsley1 or vegetables cut into  
fancy forms4  ,potatoes1 eggs1 and cold 
hashed meats1 in their unadorned        
simplicity1 do not come under the head  
of luxuries4 ,but if the hashed meat is 

carefully warmed and well flavored1 and 
put on toast1 if the potatoes are       
chopped and browned and put around the  
meat1 if the eggs are boiled1 sliced1   
and laid around as a garnish1 and a few 
capers and a border of parsley added1   
you have a ,delmonico ragout that       
,brillat-,savarin would have enjoyed4   
,,chapter ,,xxxvi4 ,,supper-,,parties4  
,after a long retirement into the       
shades1 the supper-party1 the sit-down  
,supper1 once so dear to our ancestors1 
has been again revived4 ,leaders of     
society at ,newport have found that1    
after the hearty lunch which everybody  
eats there at one or three o'clock the  
twelve or fourteen course dinner at     
seven o'clock1 is too much2 that people 
come home reluctantly from their ocean  
drive to dress2 and last summer1 in     
consequence1 invitations were issued for
 suppers at nine or half-past nine4 ,the
 suppers at private houses1 which had   
previously fallen out of fashion by     
reason of the convenience and popularity

 of the great restaurants1 were resumed4
 ,the very late dinners in large cities 
have1 no doubt1 also prevented the      
supper from being a favorite            
entertainment2 but there is no reason   
7except the disapproval of doctors7 why 
suppers should not be in fashion in the 
country1 or where people dine early4 ,in
 ,england1 where digestions are better  
than here1 and where people eat more    
heavily1 the supper-tray is an          
institution1 and suppers are generally  
spread in every ,english country house2 
and we may acknowledge the fact that the
 supper--the little supper so dear to   
the hearts of our friends of the last   
century--seems to be coming again into  
fashion here4 ,nothing can be more      
significant than that ,harper's ,bazar  
receives many letters asking for        
directions for setting the table for    
supper1 and for the proper service of   
the meats which are to gayly cover the  
cloth and enrich this always pleasant   
repast4  ,in a general way the same     

service is proper at a supper as at a   
dinner1 with the single exception of the
 soup-plates4 ,oysters on the half-shell
 and bouillon served in cups are the    
first two courses4 ,if a hot supper is  
served1 the usual dishes are            
sweetbreads1 with green pease1 ctelettes
   la financiere1 and some sort of game 
in season1 such as reed-birds in autumn1
 canvas-back ducks1 venison1 or         
woodcock2 salads of every kind are in   
order1 and are often served with the    
game4 ,then ices and fruit follow4      
,cheese is rarely offered1 although some
 gourmets insist that a little is       
necessary with the salad4  ,after each  
course all the dishes and knives and    
forks that have been in use are replaced
 by fresh ones1 and the order and       
neatness of the table preserved to the  
end of the supper4 ,we would think it   
unnecessary to mention this most obvious
 detail of table decorum1 had not       
several correspondents asked to be      
informed concerning it4  ,there is1 of  

course1 the informal supper1 at which   
the dishes are all placed on a table    
together1 as for a supper at a large    
ball4 ,meats1 dressed salmon1 chicken   
croquettes1 salads1 jellies1 and ices   
are a part of the alarming mlange of    
which a guest is expected to partake1   
with only such discrimination as may be 
dictated by prudence or inclination4    
,but this is not the sit down1 elegant  
supper so worthy to be revived1 with its
 courses and its etiquette and its      
brilliant conversation1 which was the   
delight of our grandmothers4  ,a large  
centre-piece of flowers1 with fruit and 
candies in glass compotiers1 and high   
forms of nougat1 and other sugar        
devices1 are suitable standards for an  
elegant supper-table4 ,three sorts of   
wine may be placed on the table in      
handsome decanters--sherry1 or ,madeira1
 and ,burgundy4 ,the guests find oysters
 on the half-shell1 with little fish    
forks1 all ready for them4 ,the napkin  
and bread are laid at the side or in    

front of each plate4 ,these plates being
 removed1 other plain plates are put in 
their place1 and cups of bouillon are   
served1 with gold teaspoons4 ,this      
course passed1 other plates are put     
before the guest1 and some chicken      
croquettes or lobster farci is passed4  
,sherry or ,madeira should already have 
been served with the ,oysters4 ,with the
 third course iced champagne is offered4
 ,then follow game1 or fried oysters1   
salads1 and a slice of pt de foie gras1 
with perhaps tomato salad2 and          
subsequently ices1 jellies1 fruit1 and  
coffee1 and for the gentlemen a glass of
 brandy or cordial4 ,each course is     
taken away before the next is presented4
 ,birds and salad are served together4  
,there is a much simpler supper         
possible1 which is often offered by a   
hospitable hostess after the opera or   
theatre4 ,it consists of a few ,oysters1
 a pair of cold roast chickens1 a dish  
of lobster or plain salad1 with perhaps 
a glass of champagne1 and one sort of   

ice-cream1 and involves very little     
trouble or expense1 and can be safely   
said to give as much pleasure as the    
more sumptuous feast4 ,this informal    
refreshment is often placed on a red    
table-cloth1 with a dish of oranges and 
apples in the centre of the table1 and  
one servant is sufficient4 ,there should
 be1 however1 the same etiquette as to  
the changing of plates1 knives1 and     
forks1 etc41 as in the more elaborate   
meal4  ,the good house-keeper who gives 
a supper every evening to her hungry    
family may learn many an appetizing     
device by reading ,english books of     
cookery on this subject4 ,a hashed dish 
of the meat left from dinner1 garnished 
with parsley1 a potato salad1 a few     
slices of cold corned beef or ham1 some 
pickled tongues1 bread1 butter1 and     
cheese1 with ale or cider1 is the supper
 offered at nearly every ,english house 
in the country4  ,the silver and glass1 
the china and the fruit1 should be as   
carefully attended to as for a dinner1  

and everything as neat and as elegant as
 possible1 even at an informal supper4  
,oysters1 that universal food of the    
,american1 are invaluable for a supper4 
,fried oysters diffuse a disagreeable   
odor through the house1 therefore they  
are not as convenient in a private      
dwelling as scalloped oysters1 which can
 be prepared in the afternoon1 and which
 send forth no odor when cooking4       
,broiled oysters are very delicate1 and 
are a favorite dish at an informal      
supper4 ,broiled birds and broiled bones
 are great delicacies1 but they must be 
prepared by a very good cook4 ,chicken  
in various forms hashed1 fried1 cold1 or
 in salad--is useful2 veal may be       
utilized for all these things1 if       
chicken is not forthcoming4 ,the        
delicately treated chicken livers also  
make a very good dish1 and mushrooms on 
toast are perfect in their season4 ,hot 
vegetables are never served1 except     
green pease with some other dish4       
,beef1 except in the form of a fillet1  

is never seen at a sit-down supper1 and 
even a fillet is rather too heavy4      
,lobster in every form is a favorite    
supper delicacy1 and the grouse2 snipe1 
woodcock1 teal2 canvasback1 and squab on
 toast1 are always in order4  ,in these 
days of ,italian warehouses and imported
 delicacies1 the pressed and jellied    
meats1 pts1 sausages1 and spiced tongues
 furnish a variety for a cold supper4   
,no supper is perfect without a salad4  
,the ,romans made much of this meal1 and
 among their delicacies were the ass1   
the dog1 and the snail1 sea-hedgehogs1  
oysters1 asparagus1 venison1 wild boar1 
sea-nettles1 fish1 fowl1 game1 and      
cakes4 ,the ,germans to-day eat wild    
boar1 head-cheese1 pickles1 goose's     
flesh dried1 sausages1 cheese1 and      
salads for supper1 and wash down with   
beer4 ,the ,french1 under ,louis ,,xiv41
 began to make the supper their most    
finished meal4 ,they used gold and      
silver dishes1 crystal cups and goblets1
 exquisite grapes crowned the pergne1   

and choicest fruits were served in      
golden dishes4 ,the cooks sent up       
piquant sauces for the delicately cooked
 meats1 the wines were drunk hot and    
spiced4 ,the latter are taken iced now4 
,many old house-keepers1 however1 serve 
a rich1 hot-mulled port for a winter    
supper4 ,it is a delicious and not      
unhealthy beverage1 and can be easily   
prepared4  ,the doctors1 as we have     
said1 condemn a late supper1 but the    
pros and cons of this subject admit of  
discussion4 ,every one1 indeed1 must    
decide for himself4  ,few people can    
undergo excitement of an evening--an    
opera or play or concert1 or even the   
pleasant conversation of an evening     
party-- without feeling hungry4 ,with   
many1 if such an appetite is not        
appeased it will cause sleeplessness4   
,to eat lightly and to drink lightly at 
supper is a natural instinct with people
 if they expect to go to bed at once2   
but excitement is a great aid to        
digestion1 and a heavy supper sometimes 

gives no inconvenience4  ,keats seems to
 have had a vision of a modern          
supper-table when he wrote3  soft he set
 ,a table1 and  444threw thereon ,a     
cloth of woven crimson1 gold1 and jet2  
444from forth the closet brought a heap 
,of candied apple1 quince1 and plum1 and
 gourd1 ,with jellies soother than the  
creamy curd1 ,and lucent syrops1 tinct  
with cinnamon1 ,manna and dates3        
444spiced dainties every one4  ,the     
supper being a meal purely of luxury    
should be very dainty4 ,everything      
should be tasteful and appetizing2 the  
wines should be excellent1 the claret   
not too cool1 the champagne frapp1 or   
almost so1 the ,madeira and the port the
 temperature of the room1 and the sherry
 cool4 ,if punch is served1 it should be
 at the end of the supper4  ,many       
indulgent hostesses now allow young     
gentlemen to smoke a cigarette at the   
supper-table1 after the eating and      
drinking is at an end1 rather than break
 up the delicious flow of conversation  

which at the close of a supper seems to 
be at its best4 ,this1 however1 should  
not be done unless every lady at the    
table acquiesces1 as the smell of       
tobacco-smoke sometimes gives women an  
unpleasant sensation4  ,suppers at balls
 and parties include now all sorts of   
cold and hot dishes1 even a haunch of   
venison1 and a fillet of beef1 with     
truffles2 a cold salmon dressed with a  
green sauce2 oysters in every form      
except raw--they are not served at      
balls2 salads of every description2     
boned and truffled turkey and chicken2  
pts of game2 cold partridges and grouse2
 pt de foie gras2 our ,american         
specialty1 hot canvas-back duck2 and the
 ,baltimore turtle1 terrapin1 oyster and
 game patties2 bonbons1 ices1 biscuits1 
creams1 jellies1 and fruits1 with       
champagne1 and sometimes1 of later      
years1 claret and ,moselle cup1 and     
champagne-cup--beverages which were not 
until lately known in ,america1 except  
at gentlemen's clubs and on board       

yachts1 but which are very agreeable    
mixtures1 and gaining in favor4 ,every  
lady should know how to mix cup1 as it  
is convenient both for supper and       
lawn-tennis parties1 and is preferable  
in its effects to the heavier article so
 common at parties--punch4  ,,chapter   
,,xxxvii4 ,,simple ,,dinners4  ,to      
achieve a perfect little dinner with    
small means at command is said to be a  
great intellectual feat4 ,dinner means  
so much--a ,french cook1 several        
accomplished servants1 a very           
well-stocked china closet1 plate chest1 
and linen chest1 and flowers1 wines1    
bonbons1 and so on4 ,but we have known  
many simple little dinners given by     
young couples with small means which    
were far more enjoyable than the gold   
and silver diamond dinners4  ,given1    
first1 a knowledge of how to do it2 a   
good cook 7not a cordon bleu72 a neat   
maid-servant in cap and apron--if the   
lady can carve 7which all ladies should 
know how to do72 if the gentleman has a 

good bottle of claret1 and another of   
champagne--or neither1 if he disapproves
 of them2 if the house is neatly and    
quietly furnished1 with the late        
magazines on the table2 if the welcome  
is cordial1 and there is no noise1 no   
fussy pretence--these little dinners are
 very enjoyable1 and every one is       
anxious to be invited to them4  ,but    
people are frightened off from simple   
entertainments by the splendor of the   
great luxurious dinners given by the    
very rich4 ,it is a foolish fear4 ,the  
lady who wishes to give a simple but    
good dinner has first to consult what is
 seasonable4 ,she must offer the dinner 
of the season1 not seek for those       
strawberries in ,february which are     
always sour1 nor peaches in ,june1 nor  
pease at ,christmas4 ,forced fruit is   
never good4  ,for an autumnal small     
dinner here is a very good menu3        
,sherry4_/,oysters on the               
half-shell4_/,chablis1 ,soupe   la      
,reine4 ,blue-fish1 broiled4_/,hock1    

,filet de ,boeuf aux                    
,champignons4_/,champagne  ,or1  ,roast 
,beef or ,mutton4_/,claret4 ,roast      
,partridges4_/ ,burgundy1 or ,sherry    
,salad of ,tomatoes4 ,cheese4_/,liqueurs
  ,of course1 in these days1 claret and 
champagne are considered quite enough   
for a small dinner1 and one need not    
offer the other wines4 ,or1 as ,mrs4    
,henderson says in her admirable        
cook-book1 a very good dinner maybe     
given with claret alone4 ,a table claret
 to add to the water is almost the only 
wine drunk in ,france or ,italy at an   
every-day dinner4 ,of course no wine at 
all is expected at the tables of those  
whose principles forbid alcoholic       
beverages1 and who nevertheless give    
excellent dinners without them4  ,a     
perfectly fresh white damask            
table-cloth1 napkins of equally delicate
 fabric1 spotless glass and silver1     
pretty china1 perhaps one high glass    
dish crowned with fruit and             
flowers--sometimes only the             

fruit--chairs that are comfortable1 a   
room not too warm1 the dessert served in
 good taste1 but not overloaded--this is
 all one needs4 ,the essentials of a    
good dinner are but few4  ,the informal 
dinner invitations should be written by 
the lady herself in the first person4   
,she may send for her friends only a few
 days before she wants them to come4    
,she should be ready five minutes before
 her guests arrive1 and in the parlor1  
serene and cool1 mistress of herself1   
though china fall4 ,she should see      
herself that the dinner-table is        
properly laid1 the champagne and sherry 
thoroughly cooled1 the places marked    
out1 and1 above all1 the guests properly
 seated4  ,ay1 there's the rub4 ,to     
invite the proper people to meet each   
other1 to seat them so that they can    
have an agreeable conversation1 that is 
the trying and crucial test4 ,little    
dinners are social2 little dinners are  
informal2 little dinners make people    
friends4 ,and we do not mean little in  

regard to numbers or to the amount of   
good food2 we mean simple dinners4  ,all
 the good management of a young hostess 
or an old one cannot prevent accident1  
however4 ,the cook may get drunk2 the   
waiter may fall and break a dozen of the
 best plates2 the husband may be kept   
down town late1 and be dressing in the  
very room where the ladies are to take  
off their cloaks 7,american houses are  
frightfully inconvenient in this        
respect74 ,all that the hostess can do  
is to preserve an invincible calm1 and  
try not to care--at least not to show   
that she cares4 ,but after a few        
attempts the giving of a simple dinner  
becomes very easy1 and it is the best   
compliment to a stranger4 ,a gentleman  
travelling to see the customs of a      
country is much more pleased to be asked
 to a modest repast where he meets his  
hostess and her family than to a state  
dinner where he is ticketed off and made
 merely one at a banquet4  ,then the    
limitations of a dinner can be          

considered4 ,it is not kind to keep     
guests more than an hour1 or two hours  
at the most1 at table4 ,french dinners  
rarely exceed an hour4 ,english dinners 
are too long and too heavy1 although the
 conversation is apt to be brilliant4   
,at a simple dinner one can make it     
short4  ,it is better to serve coffee in
 the drawing-room1 although if the host 
and hostess are agreed on this point1   
and the ladies can stand smoke1 it is   
served at table1 and the gentlemen light
 their cigarettes4 ,in some houses      
smoking is forbidden in the dining-room4
  ,the practice of the ladies retiring  
first is an ,english one1 and the       
,french consider it barbarous4 ,whether 
we are growing more ,french or not1 we  
seem to be beginning to do away with the
 separation after dinner4  ,it is the   
custom at informal dinners for the lady 
to help the soup and for the gentleman  
to carve2 therefore the important dishes
 are put on the table4 ,but the servants
 who wait should be taught to have      

sidetables and sideboards so well placed
 that anything can be removed           
immediately after it is finished4 ,a    
screen is a very useful adjunct in a    
dining-room4  ,inefficient servants have
 a disagreeable habit of running in and 
out of the dining-room in search of     
something that should have been in      
readiness2 therefore the lady of the    
house had better see beforehand that    
,french rolls are placed under every    
napkin1 and a silver basket full of them
 ready in reserve4 ,also large slices of
 fresh soft bread should be on the side 
table1 as every one does not like hard  
bread1 and should be offered a choice4  
,the powdered sugar1 the butter1 the    
caster1 the olives1 the relishes1 should
 all be thought of and placed where each
 can be readily found4 ,servants should 
be taught to be noiseless1 and to avoid 
a hurried manner4 ,in placing anything  
on or taking anything off a table a     
servant should never reach across a     
person seated at table for that purpose4

 ,however hurried the servant may be1 or
 however near at hand the article1 she  
should be taught to walk quietly to the 
left hand of each guest to remove       
things1 while she should pass everything
 in the same manner1 giving the guest   
the option of using his right hand with 
which to help himself4 ,servants should 
have a silver or plated knife-tray to   
remove the gravy-spoon and carving knife
 and fork before removing the platter4  
,all the silver should be thus removed2 
it makes a table much neater4 ,servants 
should be taught to put a plate and     
spoon and fork at every place before    
each course4  ,after the meats and      
before the pie1 pudding1 or ices1 the   
table should be carefully cleared of    
everything but fruit and flowers--all   
plates1 glasses1 carafes1 salt-cellars1 
knives and forks1 and whatever pertains 
to the dinner should be removed1 and the
 table- cloth well cleared with brush or
 crumb-scraper on a silver waiter1 and  
then the plates1 glasses1 spoons1 and   

forks laid at each plate for the        
dessert4 ,if this is done every day1 it 
adds to a common dinner1 and trains the 
waitress to her work4  ,the dinner1 the 
dishes1 and the plates should all be    
hot4 ,the ordinary plate-warmer is now  
superseded by something far better1 in  
which a hot brick is introduced4 ,the   
most recherch dinner is spoiled if hot  
mutton is put on a cold plate4 ,the     
silver dishes should be heated by hot   
water in the kitchen1 the hot dinner    
plates must be forthcoming from the     
plate-warmer1 nor must the roasts or    
entres be allowed to cool on their way  
from the kitchen to the dining-room4 ,a 
servant should have a thumb napkin with 
which to hand the hot dishes1 and a     
clean towel behind the screen with which
 to wipe the platters which have been   
sent up on the dumb-waiter4 ,on these   
trifles depend the excellence of the    
simple dinner4  ,,chapter ,,xxxviii4    
,,the ,,small-,,talk ,,of ,,society4    
,one of the cleverest questions asked   

lately is1 ,what shall ,i talk about at 
a dinner-party8 ,now if there is a woman
 in the world who does not know what to 
talk about1 is it not a very difficult  
thing to tell her8 ,one can almost as   
well answer such a question as1 ,what   
shall ,i see out of my eyes8  ,yet our  
young lady is not the first person who  
has dilated of late years upon the decay
 of conversation1 nor the only one who  
has sometimes felt the heaviness of     
silence descend upon her at a modern    
dinner4 ,no doubt this same great and   
unanswerable question has been asked by 
many a traveller who1 for the first     
time1 has sat next an ,englishman of    
good family 7perhaps even with a handle 
to his name71 who has answered all      
remarks by the proverbial but           
unsympathetic ,oh6 ,indeed1 it is to be 
feared that it is a fashion for young   
men nowadays to appear listless1 to     
conceal what ideas they may happen to   
have1 to try to appear stupid1 if they  
are not so1 throwing all the burden of  

the conversation on the lively1         
vivacious1 good- humored girl1 or the   
more accomplished married woman1 who may
 be the next neighbor4 ,women's wits are
 proverbially quick1 they talk readily1 
they read and think more than the       
average young man of fashion is prone to
 do2 the result is a quick and a ready  
tongue4 ,yet the art of keeping up a    
flow of agreeable and incessant small-  
talk1 not too heavy1 not pretentious or 
egotistical1 not scandalous1 and not    
commonplace1 is an art that is rare1 and
 hardly to be prized too highly4  ,it   
has been well said that there is a great
 difference between a brilliant         
conversationalist and a ready           
small-talker4 ,the former is apt to be  
feared1 and to produce a silence around 
him4 ,we all remember ,macaulay and his 
brilliant flashes of silence4 ,we all   
know that there are talkers so          
distinguished that you must not ask both
 of them to dinner on the same day lest 
they silence each other1 while we know  

others who bring to us just an average  
amount of tact1 facility of expression1 
geniality1 and a pleasant gift at a     
quotation1 a bit of repartee2 such a    
person we call a ready small- talker1 a 
most agreeable person1 one who frightens
 nobody and who has a great popularity4 
,such a one has plenty of small change1 
very useful1 and more easy to handle    
than the very large cheek of the        
conversationalist1 who is a millionaire 
as to his memory1 learning1 and power of
 rhetoric1 but who cannot and will not  
indulge in small- talk4 ,we respect the 
one2 we like the other4 ,the first point
 to be considered1 if one has no        
inspiration in regard to small-talk1    
would seem to be this2 try to consider  
what subject would most interest the    
person next to you4 ,there are people   
who have no other talent1 whom we never 
call clever1 but who do possess this    
instinct1 and who can talk most         
sympathetically1 while knowing scarcely 
anything about the individual addressed4

 ,there are others who are deficient in 
this gift1 who can only say ,really and 
,indeed4 ,these ,really and ,indeed and 
,oh people are the despair of the       
dinner-giver4 ,the gay1 chatty1         
light-hearted people who can glide into 
a conversation easily1 are the best of  
dinner-table companions1 even if they do
 sometimes talk too much about the      
weather and such commonplaces4  ,it is a
 good plan for a shy young person1 who  
has no confidence in her own powers of  
conversation1 to fortify herself with   
several topics of general interest1 such
 as the last new novel1 the last opera1 
the best and newest gallery of pictures1
 or the flower in fashion2 and to invent
 a formula1 if words are wanting in her 
organization1 as to how these subjects  
should be introduced and handled4 ,many 
ideas will occur to her1 and she can    
silently arrange them4 ,then she may    
keep these as a reserve force1 using    
them only when the conversation drops1  
or she is unexpectedly brought to the   

necessity of keeping up the ball alone4 
,some people use this power rather      
unfairly1 leading the conversation up to
 the point where they wish to enter2 but
 these are not the people who need      
help--they can take care of themselves4 
,after talking awhile in a perfunctory  
manner1 many a shy young person has been
 astonished by a sudden rush of         
brilliant ideas1 and finds herself      
talking naturally and well without      
effort4 ,it is like the launching of a  
ship2 certain blocks of shyness and     
habits of mental reserve are knocked    
away1 and the brave frigate ,small-,talk
 takes the water like a thing of life4  
,it demands much tact and cleverness to 
touch upon the ordinary events of the   
day at a mixed dinner1 because1 in the  
first place1 nothing should be said     
which can hurt any one's feelings1      
politics1 religion1 and the stock market
 being generally ruled out2 nor should  
one talk about that which everybody     
knows1 for such small-talk is           

impertinent and irritating4 ,no one     
wishes to be told that which he already 
understands better1 perhaps1 than we do4
 ,nor are matters of too private a      
nature1 such as one's health1 or one's  
servants1 or one's disappointments1     
still less one's good deeds1 to be      
talked about4  ,commonplace people also 
sometimes try society very much by their
 own inane and wholly useless           
criticisms4 ,supposing we take up music1
 it is far more agreeable to hear a     
person say1 ,how do you like ,nilsson8  
than to hear him say1 ,i like ,nilsson1 
and ,i have these reasons for liking    
her4 ,let that come afterwards4 ,when a 
person really qualified to discuss      
artists1 or literary people1 or artistic
 points1 talks sensibly and in a chatty1
 easy way about them1 it is the         
perfection of conversation2 but when one
 wholly and utterly incompetent to do so
 lays down the law on such subjects he  
or she becomes a bore4 ,but if the young
 person who does not know how to talk   

treats these questions interrogatively1 
ten chances to one1 unless she is seated
 next an imbecile1 she will get some    
very good and light small-talk out of   
her next neighbor4 ,she may give a      
modest personal opinion1 or narrate her 
own sensations at the opera1 if she can 
do so without egotism1 and she should   
always show a desire to be answered4 ,if
 music and literature fail1 let her try 
the subjects of dancing1 polo-playing1  
and lawn-tennis4 ,a very good story was 
told of a bright ,new ,york girl and a  
very haw-haw-stupid ,englishman at a    
,newport dinner4 ,the ,englishman had   
said ,oh1 and ,really1 and ,quite so1 to
 everything which this bright girl had  
asked him1 when finally1 very tired and 
very angry1 she said1 ,were you ever    
thrown in the hunting-field1 and was    
your head hurt8 ,the man turned and     
gazed admiringly4 ,now you've got me1   
was the reply4 ,and he talked all the   
rest of the dinner of his croppers4     
,perhaps it may not be necessary or     

useful often to unlock so rich a        
rpertoire as this2 but it was a very    
welcome relief to this young lady not to
 do all the talking during three hours4 
,after a first introduction there is1 no
 doubt1 some difficulty in starting a   
conversation4 ,the weather1 the         
newspaper1 the last accident1 the little
 dog1 the bric- -brac1 the love of      
horses1 etc41 are good and unfailing    
resources1 except that very few people  
have the readiness to remember this     
wealth of subjects at once4 ,to         
recollect a thing apropos of the moment 
is the gift of ready-witted people      
alone1 and how many remember1 hours     
after1 a circumstance which would have  
told at that particular moment of       
embarrassment when one stood twiddling  
his hat1 and another twisted her        
handkerchief4 ,the ,french call l'esprit
 d'escalier--the wit of the             
staircase--the gift of remembering the  
good thing you might have said in the   
drawing-room1 just too late1 as you go  

up-stairs4 ,however1 two new people     
generally overcome this moment of       
embarrassment1 and then some simple     
offer of service1 such as1 ,can ,i get  
you a chair8 ,is that window too cold8  
,can ,i bring you some tea8 occurs1 and 
then the small-talk follows4  ,the only 
curious part of this subject is that so 
little skill is shown by the average    
talker in weaving facts and incidents   
into his treatment of subjects of       
everyday character1 and that he brings  
so little intelligence to bear on his   
discussion of them4 ,it is not given to 
every one to be brilliant and amusing1  
but1 with a little thought1 passing     
events may always give rise to pleasant 
conversation4 ,we have lately been      
visited by a succession of brilliant    
sunsets1 concerning which there have    
been various theories4 ,this has been a 
charming subject for conversation1 yet  
at the average dinner we have heard but 
few persons mention this interesting    
topic4 ,perhaps one is afraid to start a

 conversation upon celestial scenery at 
a modern dinner4 ,the things may seem   
too remote1 yet it would not be a bad   
idea4  ,gossip may promote small-talk   
among those who are very intimate and   
who live in a narrow circle4 ,but how   
profoundly uninteresting is it to an    
outsider6--how useless to the real man  
or woman of the world6 ,that is1 unless 
it is literary1 musical1 artistic       
gossip4 ,scandal ruins conversation1 and
 should never be included even in a     
definition of small-talk4 ,polite1      
humorous1 vivacious1 speculative1 dry1  
sarcastic1 epigrammatic1 intellectual1  
and practical people all meet around a  
dinner-table1 and much agreeable        
small-talk should be the result4 ,it is 
unfortunately true that there is        
sometimes a failure in this respect4    
,let a hostess remember one thing3 there
 is no chance for vivacity of intellect 
if her room is too warm2 her flowers and
 her guests will wilt together4 ,there  
are those also who prefer her good      

dishes to talking1 and the old gentleman
 in ,punch who rebuked his lively       
neighbor for talking while there were   
such entres coming in has his           
counterparts among ourselves4  ,some shy
 talkers have a sort of empirical way of
 starting a subject with a question like
 this3 ,do you know the meaning and     
derivation of the term 'bric- -brac8'   
,do you believe in ghosts8 ,what do you 
think of a ladies' club8 ,do you believe
 in chance8 ,is there more talent       
displayed in learning the violin than in
 playing a first-rate game of chess8    
etc4  ,these are intellectual           
conundrums1 and may be repeated         
indefinitely where the person questioned
 is disposed to answer4 ,with a flow of 
good spirits and the feeling of case    
which comes from a knowledge of society1
 such questions often bring out what    
,margaret ,fuller called good talk4     
,but if your neighbor says ,oh1 ,really1
 ,indeed1 ,i don't know1 then the best  
way is to be purely practical1 and talk 

of the chairs and tables1 and the       
existing order of things1 the length of 
trains1 or the shortness of the dresses 
of the young ladies at the last ball1   
the prevailing idea that ice-water is   
unhealthy1 and other such extremely easy
 ideas4 ,the sound of one's own voice is
 generally very sweet in one's own ears2
 let every lady try to cultivate a      
pleasant voice for those of other       
people1 and also an agreeable and       
accurate pronunciation4 ,the veriest    
nothings sound well when thus spoken4   
,the best way to learn how to talk is1  
of course1 to learn how to think3 from  
full wells one brings up buckets full of
 clear water1 but there can be          
small-talk without much thought4 ,the   
fact remains that brilliant thinkers and
 scholars are not always good talkers1  
and there is no harm in the cultivation 
of the art of conversation1 no harm in a
 little cramming1 if a person is afraid 
that language is not his strong point4  
,the merest trifle generally suffices to

 start the flow of small-talk1 and the  
person who can use this agreeable weapon
 of society is always popular and very  
much courted4  ,,chapter ,,xxxix4       
,,garden-,,parties4  ,many of our       
correspondents ask us1 ,what shall we   
order for a garden-party8 ,we must      
answer that the first thing to order is 
a fine day4 ,in these fortunate days the
 morning revelations of ,old            
,probabilities give us an almost exact  
knowledge of what of rain or sunshine   
the future has in store4  ,a rain or    
tornado which starts from ,alaska1 where
 the weather is made nowadays1 will     
almost certainly be here on the third   
day2 so the hostess who is willing to   
send a hasty bidding can perhaps avoid  
rain4 ,it is the custom1 however1 to    
send invitations for these              
garden-parties a fortnight before they  
are to occur4 ,at ,newport they are     
arranged weeks beforehand1 and if the   
weather is bad the entertainment takes  
place in-doors4  ,when invitations are  

given to a suburban place to which      
people are expected to go by rail or any
 public means of conveyance1 a card     
should also be sent stating the hours at
 which trains leave1 which train or boat
 to take1 and any other information that
 may add to the comfort of the guest4   
,these invitations are engraved1 and    
printed on note-paper1 which should be  
perfectly plain1 or bear the family     
crest in water-mark only1 and read      
somewhat as follows3  ,mr4 and ,mrs4    
,edwin ,smith request the pleasure of   
,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,conway ,brown's company 
on ,tuesday1 the thirtieth of ,july1 at 
four o'clock4  ,garden ,party4          
,yonkers1 ,new ,york4  ,then1 on the    
card enclosed1 might be printed1        
,carriages will meet the #c4cj train    
from ,grand ,central ,depot4  ,if the   
invitation is to a country place not    
easy of access1 still more explicit     
directions should be given4  ,the       
garden-party proper is always held      
entirely in the open air4 ,in ,england  

the refreshments are served under a     
marquee in the grounds1 and in that     
inclement clime no one seems to think it
 a hardship if a shower of rain comes   
down1 and ruins fine silks and beautiful
 bonnets4 ,but in our fine sunshiny land
 we are very much afraid of rain1 and   
our malarious soil is not considered    
always safe1 so that the thoughtful     
hostess often has her table in-doors1   
piazzas filled with chairs1 ,turkey rugs
 laid down on the grass1 and every      
preparation made that the elderly and   
timid and rheumatic may enjoy the       
garden-party without endangering their  
health4  ,a hostess should see that her 
lawn-tennis ground is in order1 the     
croquet laid out1 and the archery tools 
all in place1 so that her guests may    
amuse themselves with these different   
games4 ,sometimes balls and races are   
added to these amusements1 and often a  
platform is laid for dancing1 if the    
turf be not sufficiently dry4 ,a band of
 musicians is essential to a very       

elegant and successful garden- party1   
and a varied selection of music1 grave  
and gay1 should be rendered4 ,although  
at a dinner-party there is reason to    
fear that an orchestra may be a         
nuisance1 at a garden-party the open air
 and space are sufficient guarantees    
against this danger4  ,if the hostess   
wishes her entertainment to be served   
out-of-doors1 of course all the dishes  
must be cold4 ,salads1 cold birds1 and  
ham1 tongue1 and pt de foie gras1 cold  
pts1 and salmon dressed with a green    
sauce1 jellies1 ,charlottes1 ices1      
cakes1 punch1 and champagne1 are the    
proper things to offer4 ,a cup of hot   
tea should be always ready in the house 
for those who desire it4  ,at a         
garden-party proper the hostess receives
 out on the lawn1 wearing her hat or    
bonnet1 and takes it for granted that   
the party will be entirely out-of-doors4
 ,the carriages1 however1 drive up to   
the door1 and the ladies can go         
up-stairs and deposit their wraps and   

brush off the dust1 if they wish4 ,a    
servant should be in attendance to show 
the guests to that part of the grounds  
in which the lady is receiving4  ,at    
,newport these parties are generally    
conducted on the principle of an        
afternoon tea1 and after the mistress of
 the house has received her guests1 they
 wander through the grounds1 and1 when  
weary1 return to the house for          
refreshment4 ,pt de foie gras1          
sandwiches1 cold birds1 plates of       
delicious jellied tongue1 lobster salad1
 and sometimes hot cakes and hot broiled
 chicken1 are served at these high teas4
 ,coffee and tea and wine are also      
offered1 but these are at mixed         
entertainments which have grown out of  
the somewhat unusual hours observed at  
,newport in the season4  ,there is a    
sort of public garden-party in this     
country which prevails on semi-official 
occasions1 such as the laying of a      
foundation-stone for a public building1 
the birthday of a prominent individual1 

a ,sunday-school festival1 or an        
entertainment given to a public         
functionary4 ,these are banquets1 and   
for them the invitations are somewhat   
general1 and should be officially       
issued4 ,for the private garden-party it
 is proper for a lady to ask for an     
invitation for a friend1 as there is    
always plenty of room2 but it should    
also be observed that where this request
 is not answered affirmatively1 offence 
should not be taken4 ,it is sometimes   
very difficult for a lady to understand 
why her request for an invitation to her
 friend is refused2 but she should never
 take the refusal as a discourtesy to   
herself4 ,there may be reasons which    
cannot be explained4  ,ladies always    
wear bonnets at a garden-party1 and the 
sensible fashion of short dresses has   
hitherto prevailed2 but it is rumored   
that a recent edict of the ,princess of 
,wales against short dresses at her     
garden-parties will find followers on   
this side of the water1 notably at      

,newport1 which out-,herods ,herod in   
its respect to ,english fashions4       
,indeed1 a long dress is very pretty on 
the grass and under the trees4 ,at      
,buckingham ,palace a garden-party given
 to the ,viceroy of ,egypt several years
 ago presented a very ,watteau-like     
picture4 ,worth's handsomest dresses    
were freely displayed1 and the lovely   
grounds and old trees at the back of the
 palace were in fine full dress for the 
occasion4  ,in fact1 ,england is the    
land for garden-parties1 with its turf  
of velvet softness1 its flowing         
lime-trees1 its splendid old oaks1 and  
its finished landscape gardening4 ,there
 are but few places as yet in ,america  
which afford the clipped-box avenues1   
the arcades of blossoming rose-vines1   
the pleached alleys1 the finely kept and
 perfect gravel-walks1 or1 ,better than 
all1 the quiet1 old-fashioned gardens1  
down which the ladies may walk1 rivals  
of the flowers4  ,but there are some    
such places2 and a green lawn1 a few    

trees1 a good prospect1 a fine day1 and 
something to eat1 are really all the    
absolute requirements for a             
garden-party4 ,in the neighborhood of   
,new ,york very charming garden-parties 
have been given3 at the ,brooklyn       
,navy-yard and the camp of the soldier1 
at the head-quarters of the officers of 
marines1 and at the ever-lovely         
,governor's ,island4  ,up the ,hudson1  
out at ,orange 7with its multitudinous  
pretty settlements71 all along the coast
 of ,long ,island1 the garden-party is  
almost imperatively necessary4 ,the     
owner of a fine place is expected to    
allow the unfortunates who must stay in 
town at least one sniff of his roses and
 new-mown hay4  ,lawn-tennis has had a  
great share in making the garden-party  
popular2 and in remote country places   
ladies should learn how to give these   
parties1 and1 with very little trouble1 
make the most of our fine climate4      
,there is no doubt that a little        
awkwardness is to be overcome in the    

beginning1 for no one knows exactly what
 to do4 ,deprived of the friendly       
shelter of a house1 guests wander       
forlornly about2 but a graceful and     
ready hostess will soon suggest that a  
croquet or lawn-tennis party be formed1 
or that a contest at archery be entered 
upon1 or that even a card-party is in   
order1 or that a game of checkers can be
 played under the trees4  ,servants     
should be taught to preserve the        
proprieties of the feast1 if the meal be
 served under the trees4 ,there should  
be no piles of dishes1 knives1 forks1 or
 spoons1 visible on the green grass2    
baskets should be in readiness to carry 
off everything as soon as used4 ,there  
should be a sufficient quantity of glass
 and china in use1 and plenty of        
napkins1 so that there need be no delay4
 ,the lemonade and punch bowls should be
 replenished from the dining-room as    
soon as they show signs of depletion1   
and a set of neat maid- servants can be 
advantageously employed in watching the 

table1 and seeing that the cups1 spoons1
 plates1 wine-glasses1 and forks are in 
sufficient quantity and clean4 ,if tea  
is served1 maid-servants are better than
 men1 as they are careful that the tea  
is hot1 and the spoons1 cream1 and sugar
 forthcoming4 ,fruit is an agreeable    
addition to a garden-party              
entertainment1 and pines1 melons1       
peaches1 grapes1 strawberries1 are all  
served in their season4 ,pains should be
 taken to have these fruits of the very 
best that can be obtained4  ,claret-cup1
 champagne-cup1 and soda-water1 brandy  
and shandy-gaff1 are provided on a      
separate table for the gentlemen2       
,apollinaris water1 and the various     
aerated waters so fashionable now1 are  
also provided4 ,although gentlemen help 
themselves1 it is necessary to have a   
servant in attendance to remove the     
wine-glasses1 tumblers1 and goblets as  
they are used1 and to replenish the     
decanters and pitchers as they are      
emptied1 and to supply fresh glasses4   

,many hospitable hosts offer their      
guests old ,madeira1 sherry1 and port4  
,the decanters are placed on the regular
 luncheon-table1 and glasses of wine are
 carried by servants1 on silver trays1  
to the ladies who are sitting on the    
piazzas and under the trees4 ,small thin
 tumblers are used for the claret and   
champagne cup1 which should be held in  
silver or glass pitchers4  ,if          
strawberries and cream are served1 a    
small napkin should be put between the  
saucer and plate1 and a dessert spoon   
and fork handed with each plate4  ,the  
servants who carry about refreshments   
from the tent or the table where they   
are served should be warned to be very  
careful in this part of the service1 as 
many a fine gown has been spoiled1 by a 
dish of strawberries and cream or a     
glass of punch or lemonade being        
overturned1 through a servant's want of 
care4  ,ices are now served at          
garden-parties in small paper cups      
placed on ice-plates--a fashion which is

 very neat1 and which saves much of the 
mussiness which has heretofore been a   
feature of these entertainments4        
,numbers of small tables should be      
brought with the camp-stools1 and placed
 at convenient intervals1 where the     
guests can deposit their plates4  ,a    
lady should not use her handsome glass  
or china at these al fresco             
entertainments4 ,it is sure to be       
broken4 ,it is better to hire all the   
necessary glass1 silver1 and china from 
the caterer1 as it saves a world of     
counting and trouble4  ,no doubt the    
garden-party is a troublesome affair1   
particularly if the refreshments are    
out-of-doors1 but it is very beautiful  
and very amusing1 and worth all the     
trouble4 ,it is just as pleasant1       
however1 if the table is in-doors4      
,,chapter ,,xl4 ,,silver ,,weddings     
,,and ,,other ,,wedding ,,anniversaries4
  ,a very sensible reform is now being  
attempted in the matter of silver       
weddings4 ,it was once a demand on the  

purse of at least fifty dollars to      
receive an invitation to a silver       
wedding1 because every one was expected 
to send a piece of silver4 ,some very   
rich houses in ,new ,york are stocked   
with silver with the elaborate          
inscription1 ,silver ,wedding4 ,to the  
cards of to-day is appended1 ,no        
presents received1 which is a relief to 
the impecunious4  ,these cards are on   
plain white or silver-gray paper1       
engraved in silver letters1 with the    
name of the lady as she was known before
 marriage appended below that of her    
husband2 the date of the marriage is    
also added below the names4  ,the       
entertainment for a silver wedding1 to  
be perfect1 should occur at exactly the 
hour at which the marriage took place2  
but as that has been found to be        
inconvenient1 the marriage hour is      
ignored1 and the party takes place in   
the evening generally1 and with all the 
characteristics of a modern party4 ,the 
bridal pair stand together1 of course1  

to receive1 and as many of the original 
party of the groomsmen and bridesmaids  
as can be got together should be induced
 to form a part of the group4 ,there can
 be no objection to the sending of      
flowers1 and particular friends who wish
 can1 of course1 send other gifts1 but  
there should be no obligation4 ,we may  
say here that the custom of giving      
bridal gifts has become an outrageous   
abuse of a good idea4 ,from being a     
pretty custom which had its basis in the
 excellent system of our ,dutch         
ancestors1 who combined to help the     
young couple by presents of bed and     
table linen and necessary table         
furniture and silver1 it has now        
sometimes degenerated into a form of    
ostentation1 and is a great tax on the  
friends of the bride4 ,people in certain
 relations to the family are even       
expected to send certain gifts4 ,it has 
been known to be the case that the bride
 allowed some officious friend to       
suggest that she should have silver1 or 

pearls1 or diamonds2 and a rich old     
bachelor uncle is sure to be told what  
is expected from him4 ,but when a couple
 have reached their silver wedding1 and 
are able and willing to celebrate it1 it
 may be supposed that they are beyond   
the necessity of appealing to the       
generosity of their friends2 therefore  
it is a good custom to have this phrase 
added to the silver-wedding invitation1 
,no presents received4  ,the question   
has been asked if the ceremony should be
 performed over again4 ,we should say   
decidedly not1 for great danger has     
accrued to thoughtless persons in thus  
tampering with the wedding ceremony4    
,any one who has read ,mrs4 ,oliphant's 
beautiful story of ,madonna ,mary will  
be struck at once with this danger4 ,it 
is not safe1 even in the most playful   
manner1 to imitate that legal form on   
which all society1 property1 legitimacy1
 and the safety of home hang4  ,now as  
to the dress of the bride of twenty-five
 years1 we should say1 ,any color but   

black4 ,there is an old superstition    
against connecting black with weddings4 
,a silver gray1 trimmed with steel and  
lace1 has lately been used with much    
success as a second bridal dress4 ,still
 less should the dress be white2 that   
has become so canonized as the wedding  
dress of a virgin bride that it is not  
even proper for a widow to wear it on   
her second marriage4 ,the shades of     
rose-color1 crimson1 or those beautiful 
modern combinations of velvet and       
brocade which suit so many matronly     
women1 are all appropriate              
silver-wedding dresses4  ,ladies should 
not wear jewelry in the morning1        
particularly at their own houses2 so if 
the wedding is celebrated in the        
morning1 the hostess should take care   
not to be too splendid4  ,evening       
weddings are1 in these anniversaries1   
far more agreeable1 and can be          
celebrated with more elaborate dressing4
 ,it is now so much the fashion to wear 
low-necked dresses 7sleeveless dresses  

were worn by bridesmaids at an evening  
wedding recently7 that the bride of     
twenty-five years can appear1 if she    
chooses1 in a low-cut short- sleeved    
dinner dress and diamonds in the        
evening4 ,as for the groom1 he should be
 in full evening dress1 immaculate white
 tie1 and pearl- colored kid gloves4 ,he
 plays1 as he does at the wedding1 but a
 secondary part4 ,indeed1 it has been   
jocosely said that he sometimes poses as
 a victim4 ,in savage communities and   
among the birds it is the male who wears
 the fine clothes2 in ,christian society
 it is the male who dresses in black1   
putting the fine feathers on his wife4  
,it is to her that all the honors are   
paid1 he playing for the time but a     
secondary part4 ,in savage communities  
she would dig the earth1 wait upon her  
lord1 and stand behind him while he     
eats2 in the modern silver wedding he   
helps her to fried oysters and          
champagne1 and stands while she sits4   
,now as to who shall be invited4 ,a     

correspondent writes asking if a silver 
wedding celebrated in a new home would  
not be a good opportunity for making the
 first onset of hospitality1 inviting   
those neighbors who were not known      
before1 or at least who were not        
visiting acquaintances4 ,we should think
 it a very happy idea4 ,it is a         
compliment to ask one's friends and     
neighbors to any ceremony or anniversary
 in which our own deep feelings are     
concerned1 such as a christening1 a     
child's wedding1 and the celebration of 
a birthday4 ,why not still more when a  
married pair have weathered the storms  
of twenty-five years8 ,people fully     
aware of their own respectability should
 never be afraid to bow first1 speak    
first1 or call first4 ,courtesy is the  
most cosmopolitan of good qualities1 and
 politeness is one of the seven capital 
virtues4 ,no people giving such an      
invitation need be hurt if it is        
received coldly4 ,they only thus find   
out which of their new neighbors are the

 most worth cultivating4 ,this sort of  
courtesy is as far as possible from the 
dreadful word pushing4 ,as dress was    
made to dignify the human body1 so a    
generous courtesy clothes the mind4 ,let
 no one be afraid of draping the spirit 
with this purple and gold4  ,and in all 
fresh neighborhoods the new-comers      
should try to cultivate society4 ,there 
is something in its attrition which     
stimulates the mind4 ,society brightens 
up the wits1 and causes the dullest mind
 to bring its treasures to the surface4 
,the wedding anniversaries seem to begin
 with the fifth one--the wooden wedding4
 ,here unique and appropriate presents  
seem to be very cheap4 ,cedar tubs and  
bowls and pails1 wooden baskets filled  
with flowers1 ,shaker rocking-chairs and
 seats for the veranda1 carved tables1  
cabinets of oak1 wall brackets1         
paintings on wood1 water- colors framed 
in wood-carvings in bog oak1 and even a 
load of kindling wood1 have been        
acceptably offered4 ,the bride can dress

 as gayly as she pleases at this early  
anniversary4 ,then comes the tin        
wedding1 which now is very much welcomed
 for the pretty tin candlesticks that it
 brings1 fresh from ,london furnishers4 
,we hear of gorgeous silver weddings in 
,california1 that land of gold and      
silver1 where the display of toilettes  
each represented a large fortune4 ,but1 
after all1 the sentiment is the thing1  
,as when1 amid the rites divine1 ,i took
 thy troth1 and plighted mine ,to thee1 
sweet wife1 my second ring ,a token and 
a pledge ,i bring4 ,this ring shall wed1
 till death us part1 ,thy riper virtues 
to my heart--,those virtues which1      
before untried1 ,the wife has added to  
the bride4  ,the golden wedding is a    
rare festivity--the great marriage bell 
made of wheat fully ripe2 sheaves of    
corn2 roses of the pure gold-color 7the 
,marshal ,niel is the golden-wedding    
flower par excellence74 ,we can well    
imagine the parlors beautifully         
decorated with autumn leaves and        

evergreens1 the children grouped about  
the aged pair1 perhaps even a           
great-grandchild as a child bridesmaid1 
a bridal bouquet in the aged white hand4
 ,we can fancy nothing more poetical and
 pathetic than this festivity4  ,whether
 or not a ring should be given by the   
husband to the wife on this occasion we 
must leave to the individual taste of   
the parties4 ,no doubt it is a pleasant 
occasion for the gift1  ,if she1 by     
merit since disclosed1 ,proved twice the
 woman ,i supposed1  there is no doubt  
that she deserves another ring4 ,we have
 read somewhere of a crown-diamond      
wedding2 it is the sixty-fifth          
anniversary4 ,iron weddings are1 we     
believe1 the fifteenth anniversary4     
,with silver1 golden1 and diamond       
weddings we are tolerably familiar1 but1
 so far as we know1 a crown-diamond     
wedding such as was celebrated a short  
time ago at ,maebuell1 in the island of 
,alsen1 is a ceremony altogether without
 precedent in matrimonial annals4       

,having completed their sixty-fifth year
 of conjugal bliss1 ,claus ,jacobsen and
 his venerable spouse were solemnly     
blessed by the parson of their parish1  
and went1 for the fifth time in their   
long wedded life1 through the form of   
mutual troth-plighting before the altar 
at which they had for the first time    
been united before the battle of        
,waterloo was fought4 ,the united age of
 this crown- diamantine couple amount to
 one hundred and seventy-eight years6   
,we doubt if this constant pair needed  
any ring to remind them of their wedded 
duty4 ,it is strange that the origin of 
the wedding ring is lost in obscurity4  
,the fyancel1 or wedding ring1 is       
doubtless of ,roman origin1 and was     
originally given at the betrothal as a  
pledge of the engagement4 ,juvenal says 
that at the commencement of the         
,christian era a man placed a ring on   
the finger of the lady whom he          
betrothed4 ,in olden times the delivery 
of a signet-ring was a sign of          

confidence4 ,the ring is a symbol of    
eternity and constancy4 ,that it was    
placed on the woman's left hand denotes 
her subjection1 and on the ring finger  
because it pressed a vein which         
communicates directly with the heart4   
,so universal is the custom of wearing  
the wedding ring among ,jews and        
,christians that no married woman is    
ever seen without her plain gold        
circlet1 and she regards the loss of it 
as a sinister omen2 and many women never
 remove it4 ,this is1 however1 foolish1 
and it should be taken off and put on   
several times at first1 so that any     
subsequent removal or loss need not jar 
painfully on the feelings4  ,the        
bride-cake cut by the bride1 with the   
wedding ring for some fortunate future  
spouse1 seems to be still potent4 ,the  
twenty-five- year-old bride should cut a
 few pieces1 then leave others to pass  
it2 it is a day on which she should be  
waited upon4  ,some persons1 in         
celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding  

day1 also repeat their wedding journey1 
and we know a very pleasant little route
 in ,england called the silver-wedding  
journey1 but this is1 of course1 a      
matter so entirely personal that it     
cannot be universally recommended4  ,the
 most graceful silver-wedding custom is 
for the bride and bridegroom to receive 
the greetings of their friends at first 
formally1 then to leave the marriage    
bell or canopy of flowers and to go     
about among the company1 becoming again 
host and hostess4 ,they should spare    
their children1 friends1 and themselves 
tears and sad recollections4 ,some      
opulent brides and bridegrooms make it a
 silver wedding indeed by sending       
substantial presents to those who       
started in life with them but have been 
less fortunate than themselves4         
,,chapter ,,xli4 ,,spring ,,and ,,summer
 ,,entertainments4  ,as the season      
advances and the country bursts into    
glorious sudden spring1 the garden      
party1 the country dinner1 the horseback

 excursions1 and the asparagus parties1 
the hunts and the yacht voyages1 the    
lawn-tennis and archery1 the visits to  
the polo ground1 and the delights of a  
visit to the friends who live within an 
hour of the city1 at ,orange and at     
,morristown1 on the seagirt shore of    
,long ,island or up the ,hudson1 begin  
to loom up before the city-bound worthy1
 and to throw a rose hue o'er his russet
 cares4  ,now the first question with   
the neophyte who would go to the hunts  
7for they break the ice in more senses  
than one71 as the first of the spring   
out-of-door entertainments1 is1 ,what   
does a young girl require who would ride
 to hounds8 for pale ,diana1 chaste and 
fair1 no longer hunts on foot1 as she   
did in the days of ,acteon4  ,she must  
have two thorough-bred hunters4 ,she    
must have a groom1 an ,english habit1 a 
carefully-considered outfit1 and she    
must be a perfect and a fearless        
horsewoman1 and not mind a cropper4 ,one
 of the young riders at the ,meadow     

,brook ,hunt was thrown over her horse's
 head into a ditch last spring1 and got 
up declaring she was not even bruised4  
,yes1 she must learn even how to fall   
off her horse without breaking her ribs 
or her nose4 ,it is an expensive        
amusement to be ,diana nowadays4 ,the   
result1 however1 of long practice on    
horseback seems to be that a woman      
becomes almost a centaur1 and more      
fearless than a man4 ,then the hunt     
includes as its adjuncts to the young   
ladies certain men in pink4 ,they form  
on a roadside1 and the master of the    
hunt says1 ,ladies and gentlemen1 will  
you hunt8 and he motions to the         
whipper-in--a gallant creature in pink  
also-- to throw off the dogs4  ,then the
 prettiest forty dogs1 all spotted1     
start on their mad career4 ,it is a     
beautiful sight1 with the red-coated    
huntsmen following1 and it looks as if  
the real fox would be attainable after a
 time1 instead of the farce of an       
anise-seed bag which now serves to make 

the ghost of a scent4 ,the low1 soft hat
 is a favorite with our young riders1   
but there is this to say for the hard   
hat1 it does break a fall4 ,many a fair 
forehead has been saved from a terrible 
scar by the resistant hard hat4  ,the   
habit of riding every day and of getting
 thoroughly accustomed to one's seat    
should precede the daring attempt at a  
break-neck jump4 ,no one should pretend 
to hunt who has not a good seat1 a good 
horse1 and plenty of nerve4 ,much less  
should an incompetent rider venture on a
 friend's horse4 ,it has been said in   
,england that a man will forgive you for
 breaking his own neck1 but not that of 
his favorite hunter4  ,as the day for   
driving has come1 many correspondents   
write to ask what is the best style of  
equipage for a young man4 ,we can only  
say that a tilbury and one horse is very
 showy1 that a dog-cart is the most     
knowing1 that a high chariot is very    
stately1 but that the two-seated ,park  
wagon is the most appropriate in which  

to take out a lady4 ,there should always
 be a servant behind4 ,the art of       
driving is simple enough1 but requires  
much practice4 ,the good driver should  
understand his horse well1 and turn his 
curves gently and slowly2 he must know  
how to harness and unharness a horse1   
and be ready to mend any trifling       
disarrangement if there is a break4     
,now as to driving in a carriage with   
ladies1 a correspondent writes to ask   
the etiquette which should govern a     
gentleman's conduct4 ,he takes his seat 
with his back to the horses1 opposite   
the ladies1 nor should he assume to sit 
beside a lady unless requested to do so4
 ,when the carriage stops1 he should    
jump out and assist her to alight1      
walking with her up her own steps1 and  
ringing the bell4 ,in entering the      
carriage he should put his left foot on 
the step1 and enter the carriage with   
his right foot4 ,this is1 however1      
supposing that he sits facing the       
horses2 if he sits with his back to the 

horses1 he reverses the process4 ,a     
gentleman should avoid treading on      
ladies' dresses1 or shutting them in the
 door4 ,ladies who have country-houses  
should learn to drive as well as to     
ride4 ,indeed1 in these days when young 
women drive alone in the ,park in their 
pony phaetons and little carts1 we need 
hardly advise that they should learn to 
drive well4  ,as to boating1 which is   
practised so largely by men1 we hear of 
but few ladies who pull the oar about   
,new ,york2 but doubtless it will be    
done on inland streams and lakes4 ,one  
gentleman should stay in the boat and   
help to steady it1 unless the oarswomen 
are very expert4 ,short dresses and     
round hats should be worn1 with no      
superincumbent drapery1 ,as the seat of 
honor in a boat is that occupied by the 
stroke oar1 it is etiquette for the     
owner of the boat to offer it to his    
friend if he be a rower4  ,the asparagus
 party is a sort of a long picnic1 in   
which a party of friends join1 and drive

 or ride out to some convenient inn     
where a good dinner can be served1 with 
the advantage of the early vegetable cut
 directly from the ground4 ,as ,long    
,island is famous for its asparagus1    
these parties from ,new ,york generally 
select some convenient locality there1  
near enough to the city to be not too   
fatiguing a drive4  ,the new passion for
 driving a coach has now become so much 
of an ,american taste that we need not  
describe the pastime here4 ,at least    
four coaches will start from ,new ,york 
for some neighboring town-,new          
,rochelle1 ,yonkers1 etc4--during the   
summer1 and there is no better way of   
spending a ,may day than on top of one4 
,as for al fresco entertainments1 game  
pie1 patties1 cold beef1 pressed tongue1
 potted meats1 sandwiches1 pt de foie   
gras1 champagne1 are all taken out in   
hampers1 and served on top of the coach 
by the obedient valets at the races1 for
 those parties who go out with four     
horses and a ,london coach to see the   

favorite run4  ,we are often asked what 
would be the appropriate costume for a  
lawn party1 and we can only answer that 
the costumes for these parties should be
 of a useful character4 ,if it is a lawn
 party at a very elegant house1 at      
,newport or up the ,hudson1 it may be1  
however1 of a delicacy and elegance not 
proper if one is asked out in the       
country merely to have a good time1 when
 a person would be exposed to the       
weather1 the wear and tear of games1 and
 of a long day in the sun1 ,thick boots 
are indispensable4 ,but if one is       
invited to a wedding in the country1    
even if the lawn is to play a decided   
part in the entertainment1 one must     
dress very handsomely4 ,at the regular  
lawn party the lady of the house and her
 daughters should receive on the lawn in
 their bonnets4  ,yachting is a favorite
 summer entertainment1 and for those who
 love the sea it is unparalleled for its
 excitement1 ,yachting dresses should be
 made of serge or tweed1 and possess    

warmth and durability1 and young women  
can trim them according to taste with   
the name and insignia of their favorite 
yacht4  ,for a lawn-tennis party the    
players dress in flannels made for the  
purpose1 and for a lady the jersey is   
indispensable1 as giving so much freedom
 to the arms4 ,these parties begin in   
,may at all the country-houses and      
country parks about our larger towns1   
and certainly furnish as much healthful 
amusement as anything can do4  ,archery 
has not yet become acclimated in        
,america1 but there are clubs in certain
 circles which promise a future for this
 game4  ,now for those who go to        
country-houses to stay over ,sunday1 as 
is the fashion about ,new ,york1 let us 
give one word of advice4 ,always hold   
yourself at the disposal of those at    
whose house you are staying4 ,if they   
propose a plan of action for you1 fall  
in with it4 ,if your visit is prolonged 
for a week1 endeavor to amuse yourself  
as much as possible4 ,do not let your   

hostess see that you are dependent on   
her for amusement4 ,remember1 however   
welcome you may be1 you are not always  
wanted4 ,a good hostess also learns when
 to let her guests alone4 ,a gentleman  
visitor who neither shoots1 fishes1     
boats1 reads1 writes letters1 nor does  
anything but hang about1 letting himself
 be amused1 is an intolerable nuisance4 
,he had better go to the billiard-room  
and practice caroms by himself1 or      
retire to the stables and smoke4  ,a    
lady visitor should show a similar tact 
in retiring to her own room to read or  
write letters1 allowing her hostess to  
have her mornings or her afternoons to  
herself1 as she pleases4 ,some people   
are born visitors4 ,they have the genius
 of tact to perceive1 the genius of     
finesse to execute1 case and frankness  
of manner1 a knowledge of the world that
 nothing can surprise1 a calmness of    
temper that nothing can disturb1 and a  
kindness of disposition that can never  
be exhausted4 ,such a visitor is greatly

 in demand everywhere4  ,a good-natured 
host and hostess place everything at the
 disposal of a visitor--their horses1   
carriages1 books1 and grounds4 ,and here
 the utmost delicacy should be observed4
 ,never ride a horse too fast or too    
far4 ,never take the coachman beyond his
 usual limits4 ,never pluck a flower in 
the ornamental grounds without asking   
permission1 for in these days of        
ornamental and fanciful gardening it is 
necessary to be careful and remember    
that each flower is a tint in a         
well-considered picture4 ,never         
dog's-ear or disfigure the books1 or    
leave them lying about2 if you take them
 from their shelves1 put them back4 ,be 
thoughtful in your treatment of the     
servants1 and give those who immediately
 wait upon you some small gratuity4 ,and
 if family prayers are read1 always try 
to be present4  ,so much for the        
possibility of a summer entertainment at
 a country-house1 one of the most       
agreeable of all1 if the apple- blossoms

 are just out1 and the charm of spring  
is over the whole scene4  ,we hear of a 
rustic masquerade as one of the spring  
entertainments at a country-house in    
,orange4 ,this1 it would seem1 might be 
very suitable all over the country1 if  
woods and water are near enough for the 
shepherds and shepherdesses4 ,a copy of 
the garden parties which made ,boucher  
the painter that he was1 and in which we
 almost hear the wind rustling through  
the sedge1 the refreshing murmur of the 
fountain1 and see the gayly dressed     
marquise put her violet slipper on the  
turf1 and the elegant and stately       
gentlemen as they light up the          
neighboring arbor with their fine silk  
coats in his pictures--a copy of such   
garden parties as those which made      
,watteau's fame 7he has put them all on 
the fans1 and the young people have only
 to copy them7--this would indeed be a  
rustic masquerade1 which might amuse and
 draw for a charity4 ,many of our       
country towns on the borders of lakes1  

many of the places near ,new ,york in   
their own fine grounds1 would offer a   
terrestrial paradise for such a garden  
party4  ,to drive out to ,jerome ,park  
to breakfast1 to get the early          
strawberry and the delicious cream--this
 is a spring entertainment which many of
 our business men indulge in1 coming    
back to their work in ,new ,york        
refreshed and invigorated4 ,the men of  
pleasure of this period have1 as they   
have always had1 an ample provision of  
amusement--not always the most useful1  
it is true--yet we are glad to see that 
the out-of-door excitements begin to    
distance the excitements of the         
gaming-table4 ,betting on the turf is   
not carried to the ruinous extent here  
that it is in ,england1 while the polo1 
the base-ball1 the boating1 and the     
riding to hounds --open to ridicule as  
it is1 in some ways of looking at       
it--are all healthful4 ,the spring      
season has its little dinners1 lunches1 
and weddings1 but very few evening      

entertainments4  ,after a young girl has
 ransacked the fashionable world all    
winter1 and been at all the ftes and    
balls1 concerts1 operas1 and suppers1   
she does not care for parties in ,may4  
,such infatuated ardor for amusement    
would make sad havoc of her charms if   
she did4 ,it is quite enough if she     
finishes her exciting winter with a     
fancy dance or private theatricals at   
some charitable entertainment4  ,a high 
tea is served in courses like a dinner1 
excepting with less formality4 ,the lady
 sits at one end of the table with the  
silver tea-tray before her1 while the   
gentleman has before him cold chicken1  
or even1 perhaps1 a hot dish like roast 
partridges1 to carve4 ,frequently       
scalloped oysters are passed1 and always
 salads1 so that those who are in the   
habit of dining at that hour have a     
solid meal4 ,there are hot cakes and    
biscuits and sweetmeats on the table1 so
 that it is really the old-fashioned tea
 of our grandmothers re-enforced by some

 solid dishes4 ,it is intended to save  
the servants trouble on ,sunday evening1
 but it is really more trouble to them  
as now served1 as it gives the waiter   
additional dishes to wash1 and quite as 
much service4 ,it saves the cook1       
however4  ,,chapter ,,xlii4 ,,floral    
,,tributes ,,and ,,decorations4  ,when  
every steamer leaving these shores goes 
out laden with people who are weighed   
down with flowers1 it cannot but be a   
severe tax on the ingenuity of the      
florist to devise novel and appropriate 
forms for the typical basket that shall 
say bon voyage in a thousand new ways4  
,floral ships1 anchors1 stars1 crosses1 
mottoes1 monograms1 and even the        
national flag1 have been used for these 
steamer decorations4  ,but the language 
of flowers1 so thoroughly understood    
among the ,persians that a single flower
 expresses a complete declaration of    
love1 an offer of marriage1 and1        
presumably1 a hint at the settlement1   
is1 with our more practical visionaries 

and enthusiasts of the nineteenth       
century1 rather an echo of the stock    
market than a poetical fancy4 ,we fear  
that no prima donna looks at her flowers
 without a thought of how much they have
 cost1 and that the belle estimates her 
bouquet according to the commercial     
value of a lily- of-the-valley as       
compared with that of a ,jacqueminot    
rose1 rather than as flowers simply4 ,it
 is a pity that the overwhelming luxury 
of an extravagant period involves in its
 all-powerful grasp even the flowers of 
the field1 those generous gifts of      
sunshine and of rain4  ,but so it is4   
,it is a well-known fact that the lady  
who will give her order three months in 
advance for the flowers needed for her  
daughter's wedding1 or for any other    
grand ceremonial1 can1 by offering a    
sufficiently large amount of money1     
command any flower she wishes4 ,even    
daisies and buttercups1 red clover and  
white1 the delicate forget-me-not of the
 garden1 nasturtiums and marigolds1 the 

shy and tender anemone1 the dandelion   
and lilacs and lilies-of-the- valley1   
may be forced into unnatural bloom in   
,january4 ,it is a favorite caprice to  
put the field-flowers of ,june on a     
lunch-table in ,january4  ,this         
particular table is the greatest of all 
the consumers of flowers1 therefore we  
may begin by describing some of the new 
fancies developed by that               
extraordinarily luxurious meal4 ,a      
lady's lunch must show not only baskets 
of magnificent flowers up and down the  
table2 but it must also bear a basket or
 a bouquet for each lady4  ,one of the  
most regal lunches1 given to            
twenty-eight ladies1 set the fashion for
 using little gilt baskets1 with covers 
opening on either side of the           
handle--the kind of basket1 of a larger 
size1 in which1 in ,new ,england and in 
,old ,england1 ,dame ,trot carried her  
multifarious parcels home from market4  
,these pretty and useful baskets had on 
each side a bunch of flowers peeping out

 through the open cover1 and on the gilt
 handle was tied a ribbon corresponding 
in color to the flowers4 ,one of them1  
having soft pink rosebuds of exceeding  
size and loveliness on one side and a   
bunch of lilies-of- the-valley on the   
other1 with a bow of pink satin ribbon  
on the handle1 was as pretty a picture  
as ever ,kate ,greenaway devised4       
,another1 showing the strong contrast of
 purple pansies and yellow daffodils1   
and tied with a lovely purple satin     
ribbon1 was a dream of rich color4  ,the
 stiff1 formal1 flat bouquets of yellow 
daffodils and bunches of violets1 tied  
with purple ribbon1 make a very fine    
effect laid in regular order at each    
plate4 ,repetition of a favorite idea in
 flowers is not ugly1 although it seems 
at first very far from the primeval and 
delicious confusion in which nature     
throws her bouquets down upon upland and
 meadow4  ,in the arrangement of roses  
the most varied and whimsical fancies   
may be displayed1 although the most     

gorgeous effect is produced1 perhaps1 by
 massing a single color or group4 ,a    
basket of the pink ,gloire de ,paris1   
however1 with its redundant green       
foliage1 alternated with deep-red       
,jacqueminots1 is a very splendid fancy1
 and will fill a room with fragrance4   
,in ,february these roses cost two      
dollars apiece1 and it was no rare sight
 to see four or six baskets1 each       
containing forty roses1 on one table    
during the winter of #ahhd4  ,we advise 
all ladies going into the country to    
purchase some of the little ,dame ,trot 
baskets1 as they will be lovely when    
filled with wild-flowers during the     
summer4 ,indeed1 the gilt basket1 fitted
 with a tin pan to hold earth or water1 
is such a cheap and pretty receptacle   
for either growing or cut flowers that  
it ought to be a belonging of every     
dinner-table4  ,from the lunch-table1   
with its baskets and floral fancies1 we 
come to the dinner-table4 ,here the     
space is so valuable that the floral    

bag1 an ingenious plan by which roses   
may be hung at the side of the wearer1  
has been invented4 ,this is a novel and 
very pretty way of wearing flowers4 ,the
 roses or other flowers are tied        
together with wires1 in the shape of a  
reticule1 and a ribbon and pin provided1
 so that the lady may fasten her floral 
trophy at her side4 ,the baskets of     
flowers and the adornments of the pergne
 for a dinner are very apt to be all of 
one flower4 ,if mixed1 they are of two  
sorts1 as yellow roses and red ones1 or 
white and pink1 or1 may be1 half of     
lilacs and half of roses1 or purple     
pansies and bright yellow flowers4 ,some
 tables are set with scarlet carnations 
alone1 and the effect is very fine4     
,for wedding decorations1 houses are now
 filled with palm-trees in pots and     
orange-trees in full bearing4 ,an entire
 suite of rooms is made into a bower of 
large-leaved plants4 ,mirrors are       
covered with vines1 wreaths1 and        
climbing roses1 trained across a trellis

 of wire4 ,the bride stands under a     
floral umbrella1 which juts out into the
 room4 ,the monograms of bride and      
bridegroom are put in floral shields    
against the wall1 like the cartouche on 
which the names and the titles of an    
,egyptian king are emblazoned in the    
solitude of the ,pyramids4 ,the bouquets
 carried by brides and bridesmaids are  
now extraordinarily large1 measuring a  
foot or more across the top4  ,tulips   
have always been favorite ornaments for 
the dinner-table4 ,these flowers1 so    
fine in drawing and so splendid in      
color1 produce an extremely brilliant   
effect in large masses4 ,as ,easter     
approaches1 lilies come in for especial 
notice1 and the deep ,japan cup-lily1   
grouped with the stately callas1 and the
 garden-lily1 with its long yellow      
stamens and rich perfume1 worthily fill 
the pergnes4  ,hyacinths are lovely     
harbingers of spring1 and are beautiful 
in color2 but there is a strong         
objection to this flower as a           

decoration1 its heavy perfume being     
unpleasant to some people4  ,a          
fish-basket filled with bunches of      
lilies1 mignonette1 deep pink moss-roses
 shaded to the pale tints of the rose   
known as the ,baroness de ,rothschild1  
with a glowing centre of warm red       
,jacqueminots and a fringe of purple    
pansies and ,marchal ,niels1 was one of 
many beautiful floral ornaments on a    
magnificent dinner- table4  ,in spite of
 the attempt to prevent the extravagant 
use of flowers at funerals1 we still see
 on those sad occasions some new and    
rather poetic ideas expressed by floral 
emblems4 ,one of these1 called the      
,gates ,ajar1 was very beautiful3 the   
gates panelled with lilies1 and         
surmounted by doves holding sprays of   
passion-vines in their beaks4  ,palms   
crossed1 and clasped by roses and       
ribbons1 an oblique cross of roses lying
 on a bed of ivy1 a basket made of ivy  
and autumn leaves1 holding a sheaf of   
grain and a sickle of violets1 an ivy   

pillow with a cross of flowers on one   
side1 a bunch of pansies held by a knot 
of ribbon at one corner1 a cross made of
 ivy alone1 a harvest-field made of ears
 of wheat1 are some of the many new     
funereal designs which break the        
monotony of the dreadful white crosses1 
crowns1 and anchors1 hearts and wreaths1
 of the past4  ,it is no longer         
necessary to exclude color from these   
tributes to the dead4 ,indeed1 some of  
the most beautiful designs noticed at   
recent funerals have been composed of   
colored flowers4  ,for a christening1 a 
floral cradle or swinging hammock1 a    
bowl1 a silver cup full of the tiniest  
flowers1 are all favorite designs4 ,a   
large table of flowers1 with the baby's 
initials in the centre1 was sent to one 
happy young mother on a recent          
auspicious occasion2 and far more lovely
 was a manger of flowers1 with the ,star
 of the ,east hanging above it1 all made
 of that pretty white flower the ,star  
of ,bethlehem4  ,strange contrasts of   

flowers have been made3 purple lilacs   
and the blue forget-me-nots were a      
favorite combination--stylish1 not      
pretty1 was the whispered criticism4    
,the yellow marigold1 a sort of small   
sunflower1 has been the favorite caprice
 for bouquets de corsage4 ,this is as   
near to an actual sunflower as the      
aesthetes have ventured to approach4    
,with us1 perhaps1 there is no more     
splendid yellow than this marigold1 and 
it admirably sets off a black or sage   
green dress4  ,an extravagant lady1 at a
 ball1 wore around her white dress skirt
 a fringe of real violets4 ,although    
less effective than the artificial ones1
 they had a pretty appearance until they
 drooped and faded4 ,this adornment cost
 one hundred and fifty dollars4  ,a     
rainbow has been attempted in flowers1  
but with poor success4 ,it will look    
like a ribbon--a very handsome ribbon1  
no doubt2 but the arc-en-ciel evades    
reproduction1 even in the transcendent  
prismatic colors of flowers4  ,ribbons  

have been used with flowers1 and add    
much to their effect2 for1 since the    
,arcadian days of ,rosalind and ,celia1 
a flower1 a ribbon1 and a pretty girl1  
have been associated with each other in 
prose1 poetry1 painting1 and romance4   
,the hanging-baskets1 filled with       
blooming plants1 trailers1 and ferns1   
have been much used at weddings to add  
to the bower-like appearance of the     
rooms2 and altars and steps of churches 
have been richly adorned with flowering 
plants and palm-trees and other         
luxuriant foliage4  ,the prices paid for
 flowers have been enormous4 ,one       
thousand dollars for the floral         
decorations for a single dinner has not 
been an uncommon price4 ,but the        
expenditure of such large sums for      
flowers has not been unprofitable4 ,the 
flowers grow finer every day1 and1 as an
 enterprising florist1 who had given a  
rose tea to his patrons1 remarked1      
,every large order inspires us to       
produce a finer flower4  ,,chapter      

,,xliii4 ,,the ,,fork ,,and ,,the       
,,spoon4  ,a correspondent writes1 ,how 
shall ,i carry my fork to my mouth8 ,the
 fork should be raised laterally to the 
mouth with the right hand2 the elbow    
should never be crooked1 so as to bring 
the hand round at a right angle1 or the 
fork directly opposite the mouth4 ,the  
mother cannot begin too early to        
inculcate good manners at the table1 and
 among the first things that young      
children should learn is the proper use 
of the fork4  ,again1 the fork should   
not be overloaded4 ,to take meat and    
vegetables and pack them on the poor    
fork1 as if it were a beast of burden1  
is a common ,american vulgarity1 born of
 our hurried way of eating at           
railway-stations and hotels4 ,but it is 
an unhealthy and an ill-mannered habit4 
,to take but little on the fork at a    
time1 a moderate mouthful1 shows good   
manners and refinement4 ,the knife must 
never be put into the mouth at any      
time--that is a remnant of barbarism4   

,another correspondent asks1 ,should    
cheese be eaten with a fork8 ,we say1   
decidedly1 ,yes1 although good          
authorities declare that it may be put  
on a morsel of bread with a knife1 and  
thus conveyed to the mouth4 ,of course  
we refer to the soft cheeses--like      
,gorgonzola1 ,brie1 cream-cheese1       
,neufchatel1 ,limburger1 and the        
like--which are hardly more manageable  
than butter4 ,of the hard cheeses1 one  
may convey a morsel to the month with   
the thumb and forefinger2 but1 as a     
general rule1 it is better to use the   
fork4  ,now as to the spoon3 it is to be
 used for soup1 for strawberries and    
cream1 for all stewed fruit and         
preserves1 and for melons1 which1 from  
their juiciness1 cannot be conveniently 
eaten with a fork4 ,peaches and cream1  
all the wet dishes1 as ,mrs4 ,glasse was
 wont to call them1 must be eaten with a
 spoon4 ,roman punch is always eaten    
with a spoon4  ,on elegant tables1 each 
plate or cover is accompanied by two    

large silver knives1 a small silver     
knife and fork for fish1 a small fork   
for the oysters on the half-shell1 a    
large table-spoon for soup1 and three   
large forks4 ,the napkin is folded in   
the centre1 with a piece of bread in it4
 ,as the dinner progresses1 the knife   
and fork and spoon which have been used 
are taken away with the plate4 ,this    
saves confusion1 and the servant has not
 to bring fresh knives and forks all the
 time4 ,fish should be eaten with silver
 knife and fork2 for if it is full of   
bones1 like shad1 for instance1 it is   
very difficult to manage it without the 
aid of a knife4  ,for sweetbreads1      
cutlets1 roast beef1 etc41 the knife is 
also necessary2 but for the croquettes1 
rissoles1 bouches   la ,reine1 timbales1
 and dishes of that class1 the fork     
alone is needed4 ,a majority of the made
 dishes in which the ,french excel are  
to be eaten with the fork4  ,after the  
dinner has been eaten1 and the dessert  
reached1 we must see to it that         

everything is cleared off but the       
table-cloth1 which is now never removed4
 ,a dessert-plate is put before each    
guest1 and a gold or silver spoon1 a    
silver dessert spoon and fork1 and often
 a queer little combination of fork and 
spoon1 called an ice-spoon4  ,in        
,england1 strawberries are always served
 with the green stems1 and each one is  
taken up with the fingers1 dipped in    
sugar1 and thus eaten4 ,many foreigners 
pour wine over their strawberries1 and  
then eat them with a fork1 but this     
seems to be detrimental to the natural  
flavor of the king of berries4  ,pears  
and apples should be peeled with a      
silver knife1 cut into quarters1 and    
then picked up with the fingers4        
,oranges should be peeled1 and cut or   
separated1 as the eater chooses4 ,grapes
 should be eaten from behind the        
half-closed hand1 the stones and skin   
falling into the fingers unobserved1 and
 thence to the plate4 ,never swallow the
 stones of small fruits2 it is extremely

 dangerous4 ,the pineapple is almost the
 only fruit which requires both knife   
and fork4  ,so much has the fork come   
into use of late that a wit observed    
that he took everything with it but     
afternoon tea4 ,the thick chocolate1 he 
observed1 often served at afternoon     
entertainments1 could be eaten          
comfortably with a fork1 particularly   
the whipped cream on top of it4  ,a     
knife and fork are both used in eating  
salad1 if it is not cut up before       
serving4 ,a large lettuce leaf cannot be
 easily managed without a knife1 and of 
course the fork must be used to carry it
 to the mouth4 ,thus1 as bread1 butter1 
and cheese are served with the salad1   
the salad knife and fork are really     
essential4 ,salt-cellars are now placed 
at each plate1 and it is not improper to
 take salt with your knife4             
,dessert-spoons and small forks do not  
form a part of the original cover2 that 
is1 they are not put on at the beginning
 of the dinner1 but are placed before   

the guests according as they are needed2
 as1 for instance1 when the ,roman punch
 arrives before the game1 and afterwards
 when the plum-pudding or pastry is     
served before the ices4  ,the knives and
 forks are placed on each side of the   
plate1 ready for the hand4  ,for the    
coffee after dinner a very small spoon  
is served1 as a large one would be out  
of place in the small cups that are     
used4 ,indeed1 the variety of forks and 
spoons now in use on a well-furnished   
table is astonishing4  ,one of our      
esteemed correspondents asks1 ,how much 
soup should be given to each person8 ,a 
half-ladleful is quite enough1 unless it
 is a country dinner1 where a full      
ladleful may be given without offence2  
but do not fill the soup-plate4  ,in    
carving a joint of fowl the host ought  
to make sure of the condition of both   
knife and fork4 ,of course a good carver
 sees to both before dinner4 ,the knife 
should be of the best cutlery1 well     
sharpened1 and the fork long1 strong1   

and furnished with a guard4  ,in using  
the spoon be very careful not to put it 
too far into the mouth4 ,it is a fashion
 with children to polish their spoons in
 a somewhat savage fashion1 but the     
guest at a dinner-party should remember1
 in the matter of the dessert-spoon     
especially 7which is a rather large     
implement for the mouth71 not to allow  
even the clogging influences of cabinet 
pudding to induce him to give his spoon 
too much leeway2 as in all etiquette of 
the table1 the spoon has its            
difficulties and dangers4 ,particularly 
has the soup-spoon its ,scylla and      
,charybdis1 and if a careless eater make
 a hissing sound as he eats his soup1   
the well-bred diner-out looks round with
 dismay4  ,there are always people happy
 in their fashion of eating1 as in      
everything else4 ,there is no such      
infallible proof of good-breeding and of
 early usage as the conduct of a man or 
woman at dinner4 ,but1 as every one has 
not had the advantage of early training1

 it is well to study these minute points
 of table etiquette1 that one may learn 
how to eat without offending the        
sensibility of the well-bred4           
,especially study the fork and the      
spoon4 ,there is1 no doubt1 a great     
diversity of opinion on the ,continent  
with regard to the fork4 ,it is a common
 ,german fashion1 even with princes1 to 
put the knife into the month4 ,italians 
are not always particular as to its use1
 and cultivated ,russians1 ,swedes1     
,poles1 and ,danes often eat with their 
knives or forks indiscriminately4  ,but 
,austria1 which follows ,french         
fashions1 the ,anglo-,saxon race in     
,england1 ,america1 and the colonies1   
all ,french people1 and those elegant   
,russians who emulate ,french manners1  
deem the fork the proper medium of      
communication between the plate and the 
mouth4  ,,chapter ,,xliv4 ,,napkins     
,,and ,,table-,,cloths4  ,the elegance  
of a table depends essentially upon its 
napery4 ,the plainest of meals is made a

 banquet if the linen be fresh1 fine1   
and smooth1 and the most sumptuous      
repast can be ruined by a soiled and    
crumpled table-cloth4 ,the housewife who
 wishes to conduct her house in elegance
 must make up her mind to use five or   
six sets of napkins1 and to have several
 dozens of each ready for possible      
demands4  ,a napkin should never be put 
on the table a second time until it has 
been rewashed2 therefore1 napkin-rings  
should be abandoned-- relegated to the  
nursery tea-table4  ,breakfast napkins  
are of a smaller size than dinner       
napkins1 and are very pretty if they    
bear the initial letter of the family in
 the centre4 ,those of fine1 double     
damask1 with a simple design1 such as a 
snow-drop or a mathematical figure1 to  
match the table-cloth1 are also pretty4 
,in the end1 the economy in the wear    
pays a young house- keeper to invest    
well in the best of napery--double      
damask1 good ,irish linen4 ,never buy   
poor or cheap napkins2 they are worn out

 almost immediately by washing4         
,coarse1 heavy napkins are perhaps      
proper for the nursery and children's   
table4 ,if children dine with their     
parents1 they should have a special set 
of napkins for their use1 and some very 
careful mammas make these with tapes to 
tie around the youthful necks4 ,it is   
better in a large family1 where there   
are children1 to have heavy and coarse  
table-linen for every-day use4 ,it is   
not an economy to buy colored cloths1   
for they must be washed as often as if  
they were white1 and no color stands the
 hard usage of the laundry as well as   
pure white4  ,colored napery is1        
therefore1 the luxury of a              
well-appointed country house1 and has   
its use in making the breakfast and     
luncheon table look a little unlike the 
dinner4 ,never use a parti-colored      
damask for the dinner-table4  ,those    
breakfast cloths of pink1 or yellow1 or 
light-blue and white1 or drab1 are very 
pretty with napkins to match2 but after 

having been washed a few times they     
become very dull in tint1 and are not as
 agreeable to the eye as white1 which   
grows whiter with every summer's        
bleaching4 ,ladies who live in the city 
should try to send all their napery to  
the country at least once a year1 and   
let it lie on the grass for a good      
bleaching4 ,it seems to keep cleaner    
afterwards4  ,for dinner1 large and     
handsome napkins1 carefully ironed and  
folded simply1 with a piece of bread    
inside1 should lie at each plate4 ,these
 should be removed when the fruit course
 is brought1 and with each finger-bowl  
should be a colored napkin1 with which  
to dry the fingers4  ,pretty little     
fanciful doyleys are now also put under 
the finger- bowl1 merely to be looked   
at4 ,embroidered with quaint designs1   
these little three-inch things are very 
ornamental2 but the real and serviceable
 doyley should not be forgotten1 and may
 be laid either beside or over the top  
of the finger-bowl4  ,many ladies are so

 extravagant that they have a second    
napkin of small size put on for that    
part of the dessert which precedes the  
fruit1 but this involves so much trouble
 to both the guest and the waiter that  
it is not ordinarily done4  ,the napkins
 made at ,berlin1 with drawn thread and 
knotted fringe and lace effects1 are    
very handsome4 ,they are also made at   
the ,south ,kensington schools1 and in  
,paris1 and by the ,decorative ,art     
,society in ,new ,york1 and are         
beautifully wrought with monogram and   
crest in red1 white1 and blue thread4   
,but no napkin is ever more thoroughly  
elegant than the very thick1 fine1 and  
substantial plain damask1 which becomes 
more pure and smooth every time that it 
is cleansed4  ,however1 as one of our   
great dinner-givers in ,new ,york has   
ordered twenty-four dozen of the        
handsome1 drawn-thread napkins from one 
establishment at ,berlin1 we must       
conclude that they will become the      
fashion4  ,when breakfast is made a     

formal meal--that is1 when company is   
invited to come at a stated             
hour--serviettes1 or large dinner-      
napkins1 must be placed at each plate1  
as for a dinner4 ,but they are never    
used at a stand-up breakfast1 nor are   
doyleys or finger- bowls4  ,if any      
accident happens1 such as the spilling  
of a glass of wine or the upsetting of a
 plate1 the dbris should be carefully   
cleared away1 and the waiter should     
spread a clean napkin over the          
desecrated table-cloth4 ,large1 white   
napkins are invariably used at luncheon1
 and the smaller ones kept for breakfast
 and tea4 ,some ladies like the little1 
fringed napkins for tea1 but to look    
well these must be very carefully washed
 and ironed4  ,never fasten your napkin 
around your neck2 lay it across your    
knees1 convenient to the hand1 and lift 
one corner only to wipe the mouth4 ,men 
who wear a mustache are permitted to saw
 the mouth with the napkin1 as if it    
were a bearing-rein1 but for ladies this

 would look too masculine4  ,napkins at 
hotels are now folded1 in a half-wet    
condition1 into all sorts of shapes3 a  
goose1 a swan1 a ship1 a high boot1 are 
all favorite and fanciful designs2 but  
this is a dirty fashion1 requiring the  
manipulation of hands which are not     
always fresh1 and as the napkin must be 
damp at the folding1 it is not always   
dry when shaken out4 ,nothing is so     
unhealthy as a damp napkin2 it causes   
agony to a delicate and nervous lady1 a 
man with the rose-cold1 a person with   
neuralgia or rheumatism1 and is         
offensive to every one4 ,never allow a  
napkin to be placed on the table until  
it has been well aired4 ,there is often 
a conspiracy between the waiter and the 
laundress in great houses1 both wishing 
to shirk work1 the result of which is   
that the napkins1 not prepared at the   
proper time1 are put on the table damp4 
,a house-keeper should have a large     
chest to contain napery which is not to 
be used every day4 ,this reserved linen 

should be washed and aired once a year  
at least1 to keep it from moulding and  
becoming yellow4  ,our ,dutch ancestors 
were very fond of enriching a chest of  
this kind1 and many housewives in ,new  
,york and ,albany are to-day using linen
 brought from ,holland three hundred    
years ago4  ,the napery made in ,ireland
 has1 however1 in our day taken the     
place of that manufactured in other     
countries4 ,it is good1 cheap1 and      
sometimes very handsome1 and if it can  
be bought unadulterated with cotton it  
will last many years4  ,very little     
starch should be put in napkins4 ,no one
 wishes to wipe a delicate lip on a     
board1 and a stiff napkin is very like  
that commodity4  ,at dinner-parties in  
,england1 in the days of ,william the   
,fourth1 a napkin was handed with each  
plate4 ,as the guest took his plate and 
new napkin1 he allowed the one which he 
had used to fall to the floor1 and when 
he went away from the table he left a   
snowy pile of napery behind him4  ,the  

use of linen for the table is one of the
 oldest of fashions1 ,the early ,italian
 tables were served with such beautiful 
lace-worked napkins that we cannot equal
 them to-day4 ,queen ,elizabeth's       
napkins were edged with lace made in    
,flanders1 and were an important item of
 expense in her day-book4  ,fringed1    
embroidered1 and colored napkins made of
 silk are used by ,chinese and ,japanese
 magnates4 ,these articles may be       
washed1 and are restored to their       
original purity by detergent agents that
 are unknown to us4 ,the ,chinese also  
use little napkins of paper1 which are  
very convenient for luncheon baskets and
 picnics4  ,one of our correspondents   
asks us if she should fold her napkin   
before leaving the table4 ,at a         
fashionable meal1 no4 ,at a social tea  
or breakfast1 yes1 if her hostess does  
so4 ,there is no absolute law on this   
subject4  ,at a fashionable dinner no   
one folds his napkin4 ,he lets it drop  
to the floor1 or lays it by the side of 

his plate unfolded4 ,when the fruit     
napkin is brought he takes it from the  
glass plate on which it is laid1 and    
either places it at his right hand or   
across his knee1 and the illuminated    
rag1 as some wit called the little      
embroidered doyley1 which is not meant  
for use1 is1 after having been examined 
and admired1 laid on the table1 beside  
the finger-bowl4 ,these pretty little   
trifles can serve several times the     
purpose of ornamenting the finger-bowl4 
,napkins1 when laid away in a chest or  
drawer1 should have some pleasant1      
cleanly herb like lavender or           
sweet-grass1 or the old- fashioned      
clover1 or bags of ,oriental orris-root1
 put between them1 that they may come to
 the table smelling of these delicious  
scents4  ,nothing is more certain to    
destroy the appetite of a nervous       
dyspeptic than a napkin that smells of  
greasy soap4 ,there is a laundry soap   
now in use which leaves a very          
unpleasant odor in the linen1 and       

napkins often smell so strongly of it as
 to take away the desire for food4      
,perhaps the influence of ,delmonico    
upon the public has been in nothing more
 strongly shown than in the effect      
produced by his always immaculate       
napery4 ,it was not common in ,american 
eating- houses1 when he began1 to offer 
clean table-cloths and clean napkins4   
,now no decent diner will submit to any 
other than a clean napkin4 ,every lady1 
therefore1 who aspires to elegant       
housekeeping1 should remember that she  
must never allow the same napkin to be  
put on her table twice4 ,once used1 it  
must be sent to the laundry before it is
 put on the table again4  ,,chapter     
,,xlv4 ,,servants1 ,,their ,,dress ,,and
 ,,duties4  ,as we read that a ,west    
,point hotel-keeper has recently        
dismissed all his waiters who would not 
shave off their mustaches1 we must begin
 to believe that the heretofore heedless
 ,american is considering the appearance
 of his house and carriage-servants4 ,in

 the early days of the republic1 before 
,thomas ,jefferson tied his horse's rein
 to the palings of the fence and        
sauntered into the ,capitol to be       
inaugurated1 the aristocrats of the     
various cities had a livery for their   
servants4 ,but after such a dash of cold
 water in the face of established usage 
by the ,chief ,magistrate of the        
,country1 many of the old forms and     
customs of ,colonial times fell into    
disuse1 and among others the wearing of 
a livery by serving-men4 ,a constantly  
declining grade of shabbiness was the   
result of this1 as the driver of the    
horses wore a coat and hat of the same  
style as his master1 only less clean and
 new4 ,like many of our ,american ideas 
so good in theory1 the outcome of this  
attempt at ,liberty1 ,equality1 and     
,fraternity1 was neither conducive to   
neatness nor elegance4  ,but so strongly
 was the prejudice against liveries     
instilled into the public mind that only
 seven years ago a gentleman of the most

 aristocratic circle of aristocratic    
,philadelphia declared that he refrained
 from having a liveried servant behind  
his carriage from fear of shocking      
public opinion4 ,in ,new ,york the      
presence of a large1 foreign1 social    
element long ago brought about a        
revulsion of opinion in this matter1 and
 now most persons who desire a neat1    
plain1 and appropriate style of dress   
for their coachmen and footmen put them 
in a livery1 for which the master pays4 
,those who are particular in such       
matters do not allow a waiter or a      
footman to wear a mustache1 and require 
all men-servants to be clean-shaven1    
except the coachman1 who is permitted to
 wear whiskers4 ,each must have his hair
 cut short1 and the waiter must wear    
white gloves while waiting at table or  
when handing refreshments2 even a glass 
of water on a silver salver must be     
brought with a gloved hand4  ,many      
ladies have much trouble in impressing  
upon their men-servants the necessity   

for personal neatness4 ,the ordinary    
attire of a butler is a black           
dress-coat1 with white cravat and white 
cotton gloves4 ,a waiter who attends the
 door in a large establishment1 and who 
is one of many servants1 is usually in a
 quiet livery--a frock-coat with brass  
buttons1 and a striped waistcoat4 ,some 
families affect the scarlet waistcoat   
for their footman1 which1 indeed1 may be
 used with very good effect for the     
negro servant4  ,neatness is            
indispensable2 a slovenly and           
inattentive servant betrays a slovenly  
household4 ,yet servants often do their 
employers great injustice4 ,they are    
slow to respond to the bell1 they give  
uncivil answers1 they deny one person   
and admit another1 they fail to deliver 
notes1 they are insolent1 they neglect  
the orders of the mistress when she is  
out4 ,we cannot expect perfection in our
 domestic service1 but it is possible1  
by painstaking and patient teaching1 to 
create a respectable and helpful serving

 class4 ,servants are very apt to take  
their tone from their employers--to be  
civil if they are civil1 and insolent if
 they are insolent4 ,the head of the    
house is very apt to be copied by his   
flunkies4 ,one primal law we must       
mention--a hostess should never reprove 
her servants in the presence of her     
guests2 it is cruel both to guest and   
servant1 and always shows the hostess in
 an unamiable light4 ,whatever may go   
wrong1 the lady of the house should     
remain calm2 if she is anguished1 who   
can be happy8  ,we have not here1       
nominally1 that helpful treasure known  
in ,england as the parlor-maid4 ,we call
 her a waitress1 and expect her to do   
all the work of one floor4 ,such a      
person can be trained by a good         
housekeeper to be a most admirable      
servant4 ,she must be told to rise      
early1 to attend to the sweeping of the 
door-steps1 to open the blinds1 to light
 the fires1 and to lay the              
breakfast-table4 ,she must appear in a  

neat calico dress1 white apron and cap1 
and wait upon the family at breakfast4  
,after breakfast1 the gentlemen will    
expect her to brush their hats1 to bring
 overcoats and overshoes1 and to find   
the umbrellas4 ,she must answer the     
door-bell as well1 so should be         
nimble-footed and quick-witted4 ,when   
breakfast is over1 she must remove the  
dishes and wash them1 clean the silver1 
and prepare for the next meal4 ,in      
well-regulated households there is a day
 for sweeping1 a day for silver         
cleaning1 a clay for mirror-polishing1  
and another for making bright and neat  
the fireplaces2 but each one of these   
duties requires a certain share of      
attention every day4 ,the parlor must be
 dusted1 and the fires attended to1 of  
course1 so the parlor-maid1 or the      
waitress1 in a large family has much to 
do4 ,the best girls for this arduous    
situation are ,english1 but they are    
very difficult to procure4 ,the ,germans
 are not apt to remain long with one    

family4 ,the best available parlor-maids
 are ,irishwomen who have lived some    
time in this country4  ,a servant often 
sins from ignorance1 therefore time     
spent in teaching her is not wasted4    
,she should be supplied with such       
utensils as facilitate work1 and one    
very good house-keeper declares that the
 virtue of a waitress depends upon an   
infinity of crash4 ,and there is no     
doubt that a large supply of towels is a
 constant suggestion of cleanliness that
 is a great moral support to a waitress4
  ,in these days1 when parlors are      
filled with bric- -brac1 a parlor- maid 
has no time to do laundry-work1 except  
such part of it as may pertain to her   
personally4 ,the best of all            
arrangements is to hire a laundress1 who
 will do all the washing of the house4  
,even in a very economical household    
this has been found to be the best plan1
 otherwise there is always an           
unexplained delay when the bell rings4  
,the appearance at the door of a        

dishevelled maid1 with arms covered with
 soapsuds1 is not ornamental4 ,if a cook
 can be found who will also undertake to
 do the washing and ironing1 it is a    
better and more satisfactory            
arrangement4 ,but in our growing        
prosperity this functionary has assumed 
new and extraordinary importance1 and   
will do nothing but cook4  ,a young     
house-keeper beginning her life in a    
great city finds herself frequently     
confronted with the necessity of having 
four servants--a cook1 a laundress1 a   
waiter or parlor-maid 7sometimes both71 
and a chamber-maid4 ,none of these      
excellent auxiliaries is willing to do  
the other's work3 they generally        
quarrel4 ,so the first experience of    
house-keeping is not agreeable4 ,but it 
is possible to find two servants who1 if
 properly trained1 will do all the      
service of a small family1 and do it    
well4  ,the mistress must carefully     
define the work of each1 or else hire   
them with the understanding that neither

 shall ever say1 ,this is not my work4  
,it is sometimes quite impossible to    
define what is the exact duty of each   
servant4 ,our house-keeping in this     
country is so chaotic1 and our frequent 
changes of house and fortune cause it to
 partake so much of the nature of a     
provisional government1 that every woman
 must be a ,louis ,napoleon1 and ready  
for a coup d'tat at any moment4  ,the   
one thing which every lady must firmly  
demand from her servants is respect4    
,the harassed and troubled ,american    
woman who has to cope with the worst    
servants in the world--the ill-trained1 
incapable1 and vicious peasantry of     
,europe1 who come here to be as good as 
anybody1 and who see that it is easily  
possible to make a living in ,america   
whether they are respectful or not--that
 woman has a very arduous task to       
perform4  ,but she must gain at least   
outward respect by insisting upon having
 it1 and by showing her servants that   
she regards it as even a greater        

desideratum than the efficient discharge
 of duties4 ,the mistress must not lose 
her temper4 ,she must be calm1          
imperturbable1 and dignified1 always4   
,if she gives an order1 she must insist1
 at whatever personal cost1 that it     
shall be obeyed4 ,pertinacity and       
inflexibility on this point are well    
bestowed4  ,where there are children1   
the nurse is1 of course1 a most         
important part of the household1 and    
often gives more trouble than any of the
 other servants1 for she is usually an  
elderly person1 impatient of control1   
and set in her ways4 ,the mistress must 
make her obey at once4 ,nurses are only 
human1 and can be made to conform to the
 rules by which humanity is governed4   
,ladies have adopted for their nurses   
the ,french style of dress--dark stuff  
gowns1 white aprons1 and caps4 ,french  
nurses are1 indeed1 very much the       
fashion1 as it is deemed all-important  
that children should learn to speak     
,french as soon as they can articulate4 

,but it is so difficult to find a       
,french nurse who will speak the truth  
that many mothers have renounced the    
accomplished ,gaul and hired the ,anglo-
 ,saxon1 who is often not more          
veracious4  ,no doubt there was better  
service when servants were fewer1 and   
when the mistress looked well after the 
ways of her household1 and performed    
certain domestic duties herself4 ,in    
those early days it was she who made the
 best pastry and sweetmeats4 ,it was she
 who wrought at the quilting-frame and  
netted the best bed-curtains4 ,it was   
she who darned the table-cloth1 with a  
neatness and exactness that made the    
very imperfection a beauty4 ,it was she 
who made the currant wine and the       
blackberry cordial4 ,she knew all the   
secrets of clear starching1 and taught  
the ignorant how to do their work       
through her educated intelligence4 ,she 
had1 however1 native ,americans to      
teach1 and not ,irish1 ,germans1 or     
,swedes4 ,now1 few native-born          

,americans will become servants1 and the
 difficulties of the mistress are       
thereby increased4  ,a servant cannot be
 too carefully taught her duty to       
visitors4 ,having first ascertained     
whether her mistress is at home or not1 
in order to save a lady the trouble of  
alighting from her carriage1 she should 
answer the ring of the door-bell without
 loss of time4 ,she should treat all    
callers with respect and civility1 but  
at the same time she should be able to  
discriminate between friend and foe1 and
 not unwarily admit those innumerable   
cheats1 frauds1 and beggars who1 in a   
respectable garb1 force an entrance to  
one's house for the purpose of theft1 or
 perhaps to sell a cement for broken    
crockery1 or the last thing in hair-dye4
  ,conscientious servants who comprehend
 their duties1 and who try to perform   
them1 should1 after a certain course of 
discipline1 be allowed to follow their  
own methods of working4 ,interference   
and fault-finding injure the temper of  

an inferior2 while suspicion is bad for 
anybody1 and especially operates against
 the making of a good servant4  ,to     
assure your servants that you believe   
them to be honest is to fix in them the 
habit of honesty4 ,to respect their     
rights1 their hours of recreation1 their
 religion1 their feelings1 to wish them 
good- night and good-morning 7after the 
pretty ,german fashion71 to assist them 
in the writing of their letters and in  
the proper investment of their earnings1
 to teach them to read and write and to 
make their clothes1 so that they may be 
useful to themselves when they leave    
servitude--all this is the pleasurable  
duty of a good mistress1 and such a     
course makes good servants4  ,all       
ignorant natures seek a leader2 all     
servants like to be commanded by a      
strong1 honest1 fair1 judicious         
mistress4 ,they seek her praise2 they   
fear her censure1 not as slaves dread   
the whip of the tyrant1 but as soldiers 
respect their superior officer4 ,bad    

temper1 injustice1 and tyranny make     
eye-service1 but not heart- service4    
,irresolute persons who do not know     
their own minds1 and cannot remember    
their own orders1 make very poor masters
 and mistresses4 ,it is better that they
 should give up the business of         
house-keeping1 and betake themselves to 
the living in hotels or boarding-houses 
with which our ,english cousins taunt   
us1 little knowing that the nomadic life
 they condemn is the outcome of their   
own failure to make good citizens of    
those offscourings of jail and poorhouse
 and ,irish shanty which they send to us
 under the guise of domestic servants4  
,familiarity with servants always       
arouses their contempt2 a mistress can  
be kind without being familiar4 ,she    
must remember that the servant looks up 
to her over the great gulf of a         
different condition of life and         
habit--over the great gulf of ignorance1
 and that1 in the order of nature1 she  
should respect not only the person in   

authority1 but the being1 as superior to
 herself4 ,this salutary influence is   
thrown away if the mistress descend to  
familiarity and intimacy4 ,certain weak 
mistresses vary their attitude towards  
their servants1 first assuming a        
familiarity of manner which is          
disgusting1 and which the servant does  
not mistake for kindness1 and then a    
tyrannical severity which is as         
unreasonable as the familiarity1 and1   
like it1 is only a spasm of an          
ill-regulated mind4  ,servants should   
wear thin shoes in the house1 and be    
told to step lightly1 not to slam doors1
 or drop china1 or to rattle forks and  
spoons4 ,a quiet servant is the most    
certain of domestic blessings4          
,neatness1 good manners1 and            
faithfulness have often insured a stupid
 servant of no great efficiency a       
permanent home with a family4 ,if to    
these qualities be added a clear head1  
an active body1 and a respectful manner1
 we have that rare article--a perfect   

servant4  ,,chapter ,,xlvi4 ,,the       
,,house ,,with ,,one ,,servant4  ,many  
large families in this country employ   
but one servant4 ,although when life was
 simpler it was somewhat easier than it 
is now to conduct a house with such     
assistance as may be offered by a       
maid-of- all-work1 it was necessary even
 then for the ladies of the house to do 
some portion of the lighter domestic    
work4  ,it is a very good plan1 when    
there are several daughters in the      
family1 to take turns each to test her  
talent as a house-keeper and organizer4 
,if1 however1 the mistress keep the     
reins in her own hands1 she can detail  
one of these young ladies to sweep and  
dust the parlors1 another to attend to  
the breakfast dishes1 another to make   
sure that the maid has not neglected any
 necessary cleansing of the bedrooms4   
,a mother with young children must have 
a thoroughly defined and understood     
system for the daily work to render it  
possible for one servant to perform it  

all4  ,the maid must rise very early on 
,monday morning1 and do some part of the
 laundry work before breakfast4 ,many   
old ,american servants 7when there were 
such7 put the clothes in water to soak1 
and sometimes to boil1 on ,sunday night1
 that night not having the religious    
significance in ,new ,england that      
,saturday night had4  ,nowadays1        
however1 ,irish girls expect to have a  
holiday every other ,sunday afternoon   
and evening1 and it would probably be   
vain to expect this service of them4    
,but at least they should rise by five  
o'clock1 and do two hours' good work    
before it is time to prepare the        
breakfast and lay the table4  ,a        
neat-handed ,phyllis will have a clean  
gown1 cap1 and apron hanging in the     
kitchen closet1 and slip them on before 
she carries in the breakfast1 which she 
has cooked and must serve4 ,some girls  
show great tact in this matter of       
appearing neat at the right time1 but   
many of them have to be taught by the   

mistress to have a clean cap and apron  
in readiness4 ,the mistress usually     
furnishes these items of her maid's     
attire1 and they should be the property 
of the mistress1 and remain in the      
family through all changes of servants4 
,they can be bought at almost any       
repository conducted in the interest of 
charity for less than they can be made  
at home1 and a dozen of them in a house 
greatly improves the appearance of the  
servants4  ,the cook1 having prepared   
the breakfast and waited at table1      
places in front of her mistress a neat1 
wooden tub1 with a little cotton- yarn  
mop and two clean towels1 and then      
retreats to the kitchen with the heavy  
dishes and knives and forks4 ,the lady  
proceeds to wash the glass1 silver1 and 
china1 draining the things on a waiter1 
and wiping them on her dainty linen     
towels4 ,it is not a disagreeable       
operation1 and all gentlemen say they   
like to eat and drink from utensils     
which have been washed by a lady4       

,having put away the glass and china1   
the lady shakes the table- cloth1 folds 
it1 and puts it away4 ,she then takes a 
light brush broom and sweeps the        
dining-room1 and dusts it carefully1    
opening a window to air the apartment4  
,when this is done she sets the parlor  
in order4 ,the maid-of-all-work should1 
in the mean time1 make a visit to the   
bedrooms1 and do the heavy work of      
turning mattresses and making beds4     
,when this is accomplished she must     
return to the kitchen1 and after        
carefully cleaning the pots and kettles 
that have been in use for the morning   
meal1 devote an undivided attention to  
her arduous duties as laundress4 ,a     
plain dinner for washing-day--a         
beefsteak and some boiled potatoes1 a   
salad1 and a pie or pudding made on the 
preceding ,saturday--is all that should 
be required of a maid-of-all-work on    
,monday4  ,the afternoon must be spent  
in finishing the washing1 hanging out   
the clothes1 and preparing the tea--an  

easy and informal meal1 which should    
consist of something easy to cook2 for1 
after all that she has done during the  
day1 this hard-worked girl must tidy up 
her kitchen before she can enjoy a      
well-earned repose4 ,it is so annoying  
to a maid-of-all-work to be obliged to  
open the door for visitors that ladies  
often have a little girl or boy for this
 purpose4 ,in the country it can be more
 easily managed4  ,tuesday is           
ironing-day all over the world1 and the 
maid must be assisted in this time of   
emergency by her mistress4 ,most ladies 
understand the process of clear         
starching and the best method of ironing
 fine clothing2 if they do not1 they    
should4 ,in fact1 a good house-keeper   
should know everything2 and when a lady 
gives her attention to this class of    
household duties she is invariably more 
successful in performing them than a    
person of less education and            
intelligence4  ,on ,wednesday the maid  
must bake a part of the bread1 cake1 and

 pies that will be required during the  
week4 ,in this the mistress helps1      
making the light pastry1 stoning the    
raisins1 washing the currants1 and      
beating the eggs4 ,very often a lady    
fond of cookery makes all her dainty    
dishes1 her desserts1 and her cakes and 
pies4 ,she should help herself with all 
sorts of mechanical appliances4 ,she    
should have the best of egg-beaters1    
sugar-sifters1 bowls in plenty1 and     
towels and aprons ad libitum4 ,she has1 
if she be a systematic house-keeper1 a  
store closet1 which is her pride1 with  
its neat1 labelled spice-boxes1 and its 
pots of pickles and preserves which she 
has made herself1 and which1 therefore1 
must be nice4  ,the cooking of meat is a
 thing which so affects the health of   
people that every lady should study it  
thoroughly4 ,no roasts should be baked4 
,the formulary sounds like a            
contradiction2 but it is the custom in  
houses where the necessity of saving    
labor is an important consideration1 to 

put the meat that should be roasted in  
the oven and bake it4 ,this is very     
improper1 as it dries up all the juice1 
which is the life-giving1               
life-sustaining property of the meat4   
,let every young house-keeper buy a     
,dutch oven1 and either roast the meat  
before the coals of a good wood fire1 or
 before the grating of a range1 in which
 coals take the place of wood4 ,by this 
method she saves those properties of a  
piece of roast beef which are the most  
valuable4 ,otherwise her roast meat will
 be a chip1 a tasteless and a dry       
morsel1 unpalatable and indigestible4   
,the cooking of vegetables is also to be
 studied2 potatoes should not be        
over-boiled or underdone1 as they are   
exceedingly unhealthy if not properly   
cooked4 ,bread must be well kneaded and 
delicately baked2 a woman who           
understands the uses of fire--and every 
householder should--has stolen the      
secret of ,prometheus4  ,on ,thursday   
the maid must sweep the house           

thoroughly1 if there are heavy carpets1 
as this is work for the strong-armed and
 the strong- handed4 ,the mistress can  
follow with the dusting-brush and the   
cloth1 and1 again1 the maid may come in 
her footstep with step- ladder1 and wipe
 off mirrors and windows4  ,many ladies 
have a different calendar from this1 and
 prefer to have their work done on      
different days2 but whatever may be the 
system for the management of a house1 it
 should be strictly carried out1 and all
 the help that may accrue from          
punctuality and order rendered to a maid
 in the discharge of her arduous and    
multifarious duties4  ,most families    
have a sort of general house-cleaning on
 ,friday3 floors are scrubbed and       
brasses cleaned1 the silver given a     
better cleansing1 and the closets       
examined1 the knives are scoured more   
thoroughly1 and the lady puts her       
linen-closet in order1 throwing sweet   
lavender between the sheets4 ,on        
,saturday more bread and cake are baked1

 the ,sunday's dinner prepared1 that the
 maid may have her ,sunday afternoon    
out1 and the busy week is ended with a  
clean kitchen1 a well-swept and         
garnished house1 and all the cooking    
done except the ,sunday meat and        
vegetables4  ,to conduct the business of
 a house through the week1 with three   
meals each day1 and all the work well   
done2 by one maid1 is a very creditable 
thing to the mistress4 ,the order which 
is ,heaven's first law must be her chief
 help in this difficult matter2 she must
 be willing to do much of the light work
 herself1 and she must have a young1    
strong1 willing maid4  ,,chapter        
,,xlvii4 ,,the ,,house ,,with ,,two     
,,servants4  ,the great problem of the  
young or middle-aged house-keeper in    
large cities is how to form a neat1     
happy1 comfortable home1 and so to order
 the house that two servants can        
accomplish all its work4  ,these two    
servants we call the cook and the       
waiter1 and they must do all that there 

is to do1 including the washing4  ,when 
life was simpler1 this was done without 
murmuring2 but now it is difficult to   
find good and trained servants1         
particularly in ,new ,york1 who will    
fill such places4 ,for to perform the   
work of a family--to black the boots1   
sweep and wash the sidewalk1 attend the 
door and lay the table1 help with the   
washing and ironing1 and make the fires1
 as well as sweep and dust1 and take    
care of the silver-- would seem to      
require the hands of ,briareus4  ,it is 
better to hire a girl for general       
house-work1 and train her for her work  
as waitress1 than to take one who has   
clone nothing else but wait at table4   
,be particular1 when engaging a girl1 to
 tell her what she has to do1 as many of
 the lofty kind object particularly to  
blacking boots2 and as it must be done1 
it is better to define it at once4  ,a  
girl filling this position should have1 
first1 the advantage of system1 and the 
family must keep regular hours4 ,she    

must rise at six1 or earlier1 if        
necessary1 open the front-door and      
parlor- blinds1 and the dining-room     
windows1 and then proceed to cleanse the
 front steps and sidewalk1 polish the   
bell-pull1 and make all tidy about the  
mats4 ,she must next make the fires1 if 
fires are used in the house1 and carry  
down the ashes1 carefully depositing    
them where they will not communicate    
fire4 ,she must then gather the boots   
and shoes from the doors of the         
sleeping-rooms1 and take them to the    
laundry1 where she should brush them1   
having a closet there for her brushes   
and blacking4 ,having replaced the boots
 beside the respective doors to which   
they belong1 she should make herself    
neat and clean1 put on her cap and      
apron1 and then prepare for laying the  
table for breakfast4 ,this she does not 
do until she has brushed up the floor1  
caused the fire to burn brightly1 and in
 all respects made the dining-room      
respectable4  ,the laying of the table  

must be a careful and neat operation2 a 
clean cloth should be put on1 with the  
fold regularly running down the middle  
of the table1 the silver and glass and  
china placed neatly and in order1 the   
urn-lamp lighted1 and the water put to  
boil1 the napkins fresh and well-folded1
 and the chairs drawn up in order on    
either side4 ,it is well worth a        
mistress's while to preside at this work
 for two or three mornings1 to see that 
her maid understands her wishes4  ,all  
being in order1 the maid may ring a     
bell1 or knock at the doors1 or rouse   
the family as they may wish4 ,when      
breakfast is over she removes the       
dishes1 and washes the silver and china 
in the pantry4 ,after putting everything
 away1 and opening a window in the      
dining- room1 she proceeds to the       
bedrooms4  ,every one should1 before    
leaving his bedroom1 open a window and  
turn back the clothes1 to air the room  
and the bed thoroughly4 ,if this has    
been neglected1 it is the servant's     

business to do it1 and to make the beds1
 wash the basins1 and leave everything  
very clean4 ,she must also dust the     
bureaus and tables and chairs1 hang up  
the dresses1 put away the shoes1 and set
 everything in order4  ,she then        
descends to the parlor floor1 and makes 
it neat1 and thence to the kitchen1     
where1 if she has time1 she does a      
little washing2 but if there is to be   
luncheon or early dinner1 she cannot do 
much until that is prepared1            
particularly if it is her duty to answer
 a bell4 ,in a doctor's house1 or in a  
house where there are many calls1 some  
one to attend exclusively at the door is
 almost indispensable4  ,after the early
 dinner or lunch1 the maid has a few    
hours' washing and ironing before       
getting ready for the late dinner or    
tea1 which is the important meal of the 
day4 ,if she is systematic1 and the     
family are punctual1 a girl can do a    
great deal of washing and ironing on    
,monday1 ,tuesday1 and ,wednesday1 even 

if she has to answer the bell2 but if   
she is not systematic1 and the meals are
 not at regular hours1 she cannot do    
much4  ,on ,thursday1 which we have     
already designated as sweeping day1 she 
must sweep the whole house1 all the     
carpets1 shake the rugs in the back     
yard1 shake and sweep down the heavy    
curtains1 and dust the mirror-frames    
with a long feather-duster4 ,the        
mistress can help her by insisting that 
her family shall leave their rooms      
early1 and by herself refusing to see   
visitors on sweeping day4  ,on ,friday1 
in addition to the usual daily work1 the
 silver must be polished1 the brass     
rubbed1 and the closets 7which1 in the  
hurry of the week's work1 may have been 
neglected71 carefully cleaned and       
ventilated1 ,on ,friday afternoon the   
napkins and towels should be washed4    
,on ,saturday these should be ironed1   
and everything1 so far as possible1 made
 ready for ,sunday4  ,the cook1         
meantime1 should rise even earlier than 

the waiter2 should descend in time to   
receive the milkman1 the iceman1 and the
 breadman2 should unlock the            
basement-door1 sweep out the hall1 and  
take in the barrels which have been left
 out with the ashes and other refuse4   
,a cook should be instructed never to   
give away the beef-dripping1 as1 if     
clarified in cold water1 it is excellent
 for frying oysters1 etc41 and saves    
butter4 ,the cook should air the kitchen
 and laundry1 build the fire in the     
range1 and sweep carefully before she   
begins to cook4  ,a careful house-keeper
 takes care that her cook shall make her
 toilet in her room1 not in the kitchen4
 ,particularly should she be made to    
arrange her hair upstairs1 as some cooks
 have an exceedingly nasty habit of     
combing their hair in the kitchen4 ,it  
will repay a house-keeper to make       
several visits to the kitchen at        
unexpected hours4  ,cooks vary so       
decidedly in their way of preparing     
meals that no general directions can be 

given2 but the best should be made to   
follow certain rules1 and the worst     
should be watched and guarded4 ,a great 
cleanliness as to pots and kettles1     
particularly the teakettle1 should be   
insisted upon1 and the closets1 pails1  
barrels1 etc41 be carefully watched4    
,many a case of typhoid fever can be    
traced to the cook's slop-pail1 or      
closets1 or sink1 and no lady should be 
careless of looking into all these      
places4  ,a cook1 properly trained1 can 
get up a good breakfast out of remains  
of the dinner of the preceding day1 or  
some picked-up cod-fish1 toast1 potatoes
 sliced and fried1 or mashed1 boiled1   
stewed1 or baked4 ,the making of good   
clear coffee is not often understood by 
the green ,irish cook4 ,the mistress    
must teach her this useful art1 and also
 how to make good tea1 although the     
latter is generally made on the table4  
,with the sending up of the breakfast   
comes the first chance of a collision   
between cook and waiter2 and            

disagreeable1 bad-tempered servants make
 much of this opportunity4 ,the cook in 
city houses puts the dinner on the      
dumb-waiter and sends it up to the      
waiter1 who takes it off4 ,all the heavy
 meat-dishes and the greasy plates are  
sent down to the cook to wash1 and      
herein lies many a grievance which the  
mistress can anticipate and prevent by  
forbidding the use of the dumb-waiter if
 it leads to quarrelling1 and by making 
the maids carry all the plates and      
dishes up and down4 ,this course of     
treatment will soon cure them of their  
little tempers4  ,in plain households   
the cook has much less to do than the   
waiter2 she should therefore undertake  
the greater part of the washing and     
ironing4 ,many very good cooks will do  
all the washing and ironing except the  
table linen and the towels used by the  
waiter2 and if this arrangement is made 
at first1 no trouble ensues4 ,the great 
trouble in most households comes from   
the fact that the work is not definitely

 divided1 and that one servant declares 
that the other is imposing upon her4    
,if a mistress is fair1 honorable1      
strict1 and attentive1 she can thus     
carry on a large household 7if there are
 no young children7 with two energetic  
servants4 ,she cannot1 of course1 have  
elegant house-keeping2 it is a very     
arduous undertaking to conduct a city   
house with the assistance of only two   
people4 ,many young house- keepers      
become discouraged1 and many old ones do
 so as well1 and send the washing and   
ironing to a public laundry4 ,but as    
small incomes are the rule1 and as most 
people must economize1 it has been done1
 and it can be done4 ,the mistress will 
find it to her advantage to have a very 
great profusion of towels and dusters1  
and also to supply the kitchen with     
every requisite utensil for cooking a   
good dinner1 or for the execution of the
 ordinary daily work--such tools as an  
ice-hammer1 a can-opener1 plenty of     
corkscrews1 a knife- sharpener and      

several large1 strong knives1 a         
meat-chopper and bread-baskets1 stone   
pots and jars4 ,the modern refrigerator 
has simplified kitchen-work very much1  
and no one who has lived long enough to 
remember when it was not used can fail  
to bless its airy and cool closets and  
its orderly arrangements4  ,the         
privileges of these hard-worked servants
 should be respected4 ,an evening a     
week1 and every other ,sunday afternoon1
 is a formula not to be forgotten4      
,consider what it is to them6 ,perhaps a
 visit to a sick sister or mother1 a    
recreation much needed1 a simple        
pleasure1 but one which is to them what 
a refreshing book1 a visit to the opera1
 or a drive in the park1 is to their    
employers4 ,only a very cruel mistress  
will ever fail to keep her promise to a 
faithful servant on these too infrequent
 holidays4  ,the early ,sunday dinner is
 an inconvenience1 but it is due to the 
girls who count on their ,sunday out to 
have it always punctually given to them4

  ,many devout ,catholics make their    
church-going somewhat inconvenient1 but 
they should not be thwarted in it4 ,it  
is to them something more than it is to 
,protestants1 and a devout ,catholic is 
to be respected and believed in4 ,no    
doubt there are very bad-tempered and   
disagreeable girls who make a pretence  
of religion1 but the mistress should be 
slow to condemn1 lest she wrong one who 
is sincerely pious4  ,in sickness1      
,irish girls are generally kind and     
accommodating1 being themselves         
unselfish1 and are apt to show a better 
spirit in a time of trouble than the    
,swedes1 the ,germans1 or the ,scotch1  
although the latter are possessed of    
more intelligence1 and are more readily 
trained to habits of order and system4  
,the warm heart and the confused brain1 
the want of truth1 of the average ,irish
 servant will perplex and annoy while it
 touches the sympathies of a woman of   
generous spirit4  ,the women who would  
make the best house-servants are ,new   

,england girls who have been brought up 
in poor but comfortable homes4 ,but they
 will not be servants4 ,they have       
imbibed the foolish idea that the       
position of a girl who does house-work  
is inferior in gentility to that of one 
who works in a factory1 or a            
printing-office1 or a milliner's shop4  
,it is a great mistake1 and one which   
fills the country with incapable wives  
for the working-man2 for a woman who    
cannot make bread or cook a decent      
dinner is a fraud if she marry a poor   
man who expects her to do it4  ,that    
would be a good and a great woman who   
would preach a crusade against this     
false doctrine--who would say to the    
young women of her neighborhood1 ,i will
 give a marriage portion to any of you  
who will go into domestic service1      
become good cooks and waiters1 and will 
bring me your certificates of efficiency
 at the end of five years4  ,and if     
those who employ could have these clear 
brains and thrifty hands1 how much more 

would they be willing to give in dollars
 and cents a month6  ,,chapter ,,xlviii4
 ,,the ,,house ,,with ,,many ,,servants4
  ,a lady who assumes the control of an 
elegant house without previous training 
had better1 for a year at least1 employ 
an ,english house- keeper1 who will     
teach her the system necessary to make  
so many servants work properly together2
 for1 unless she knows how to manage    
them1 each servant will be a trouble    
instead of a help1 and there will be no 
end to that exasperating complaint1     
,that is not my work4  ,the ,english    
house-keeper is given full power by her 
mistress to hire and discharge servants1
 to arrange their meals1 their hours1   
and their duties1 so as to make the     
domestic wheels run smoothly1 and to    
achieve that perfection of service which
 all who have stayed in an ,english     
house can appreciate4 ,she is a         
personage of much importance in the     
house4 ,she generally dresses in moire  
antique1 and is lofty in her manners4   

,she alone1 except the maid1 approaches 
the mistress1 and receives such general 
orders as that lady may choose to give4 
,the house-keeper has her own room1     
where she takes her meals alone1 or     
invites those whom she wishes to eat    
with her4 ,thus we see in ,english      
novels that the children sometimes take 
tea in the house- keeper's room4 ,it is 
generally a comfortable and snug place4 
,but in this country very few such      
house-keepers can be found4 ,the best   
that can be done is to secure the       
services of an efficient person content 
to be a servant herself1 who will be a  
care-taker1 and will train the butler1  
the footmen1 and the maid-servants in   
their respective duties4  ,twelve       
servants are not infrequently employed  
in large houses in this country1 and in 
,new ,york and at ,newport often a      
larger number4 ,these1 with the staff of
 assistants required to cook and wash   
for them1 form a large force for a lady 
to control4  ,the house-keeper should   

hire the cook and scullery-maid1 and be 
responsible for them2 she orders the    
dinner 7if the lady chooses72 she gives 
out the stores2 the house linen is under
 her charge1 and she must attend to     
mending and replenishing it2 she must   
watch over the china and silver1 and    
every day visit all the bedrooms to see 
that the chamber-maids have done their  
duty1 and that writing-paper and ink and
 pens are laid on the tables of invited 
guests1 and that candles1 matches1 and  
soap and towels are in their respective 
places4  ,a house-keeper should be able 
to make fine desserts1 and to attend to 
all the sewing of the family1 with the  
assistance of a maid--that is1 the      
mending1 and the hemming of the towels1 
etc4 ,she should be firm and methodical1
 with a natural habit of command1 and   
impartial in her dealings1 but strict   
and exacting2 she should compel each    
servant to do his duty1 as she          
represents the mistress1 and should be  
invested with her authority4  ,it is she

 who must receive the dessert when it   
comes from the dining-room1 watch the   
half-emptied bottles of wine1 which men-
 servants nearly always appropriate for 
their own use1 and be1 in all respects1 
a watch-dog for her master1 as in large 
families servants are prone to steal all
 that may fall in their way4            
,unfortunately a bad house-keeper is    
worse than none1 and can steal to her   
heart's content4 ,such a one1 hired by a
 careless1 pleasure- loving lady in ,new
 ,york1 stole in a twelvemonth enough to
 live on for several years4  ,the       
house-keeper and the butler are seldom  
friends1 and consequently many people   
consider it wise to hire a married      
couple competent to perform the duties  
of these two positions4 ,if the two are 
honest1 this is an excellent            
arrangement4  ,the butler is answerable 
for the property put in his charge1 and 
for the proper performance of the duties
 of the footmen under his control4 ,he  
must be the judge of what men can and   

should do4 ,he is given the care of the 
wine1 although every gentleman should   
keep the keys1 only giving just so much 
to the butler as he intends shall be    
used each day4 ,the plate is given to   
the butler1 and he is made responsible  
for any articles missing2 he also sees  
to the pantry1 but has a maid or a      
footman to wash the dishes and cleanse  
the silver4 ,all the arrangements for   
dinner devolve upon him1 and when it is 
served he stands behind his mistress's  
chair4 ,he looks after the footman who  
answers the bell1 and takes care that he
 shall be properly dressed and at his   
post4  ,in houses where there are two or
 three footmen the butler serves        
breakfast1 luncheon1 tea1 and dinner1   
assisted by such of his acolytes as he  
may choose4 ,he should also wait upon   
his master1 if required1 see that the   
library and smoking-room are aired and  
in order1 the newspaper brought in1 the 
magazines cut1 and the paper- knife in  
its place4 ,many gentlemen in this      

country send their butlers to market1   
and leave entirely to them the          
arrangement of the table4  ,if there is 
but one footman in a large house1 the   
butler has a great deal to do1          
particularly if the family be a         
hospitable one4 ,when the footman is out
 with the carriage the butler answers   
the front-door bell1 but in very elegant
 houses there are generally two footmen1
 as this is not strictly the duty of a  
butler4  ,a lady's-maid is indispensable
 to ladies who visit much1 but this     
class of servant is the most difficult  
to manage4 ,ladies'-maids must be told1 
when hired1 that they can have no such  
position in ,america as they have in    
,england3 that they must make their own 
beds1 wash their own clothing1 and eat  
with the other servants4 ,they must be  
first-rate hair-dressers1 good packers  
of trunks1 and understand dress-making  
and fine starching1 and be amiable1     
willing1 and pleasant4 ,a woman who     
combines these qualifications commands  

very high wages1 and expects1 as her    
perquisite1 her mistress's cast-off     
dresses4  ,french maids are in great    
demand1 as they have a natural taste in 
all things pertaining to dress and the  
toilet1 but they are apt to be          
untruthful and treacherous4 ,if a lady  
can get a peasant girl from some rural  
district1 she will find her a most      
useful and valuable maid after she has  
been taught4  ,many ladies educate some 
clever girl who has been maid for the   
position of house-keeper1 and such a    
person1 who can be trusted to hire an   
assistant1 becomes invaluable4 ,she     
often accomplishes all the dress-making 
and sewing for the household1 and her   
salary of thirty dollars a month is well
 earned4  ,as the duties of a           
lady's-maid1 where there are young      
ladies1 include attending them in the   
streets and to parties1 she should be a 
person of unquestioned respectability4  
,the maid should bring up the hot water 
for her ladies1 and an early cup of tea1

 prepare their bath1 assist at their    
toilet1 put their clothes away1 be ready
 to aid in every change of dress1 put   
out their various dresses for riding1   
dining1 walking1 and for afternoon tea1 
dress their hair for dinner1 and be     
ready to find for them their gloves1    
shoes1 and other belongings4  ,a maid   
can be1 and generally is1 the most      
disagreeable of creatures2 but some     
ladies have the tact to make good       
servants out of most unpromising        
materials4  ,the maid1 if she does not  
accompany her mistress to a party and   
wait for her in the dressing-room1      
should await her arrival at home1 assist
 her to undress1 comb and brush her     
hair1 and get ready the bath4 ,she      
should also have a cup of hot tea or    
chocolate in readiness for her4 ,she    
must keep her clothes in order1 sew new 
ruffles in her dresses1 and do all the  
millinery and dress-making required of  
her4  ,very often the maid is required  
to attend to the bric- -brac and pretty 

ornaments of the mantel1 to keep fresh  
flowers in the drawing-room or bedroom1 
and1 above all1 to wash the pet dog4 ,as
 almost all women are fond of dogs1 this
 is not a disagreeable duty to a ,french
 maid1 and she gives ,fifine his bath   
without grumbling4 ,but if she be       
expected to speak ,french to the        
children1 she sometimes rebels1         
particularly if she and the nurse should
 not be good friends4  ,a lady1 in      
hiring a maid1 should specify the extra 
duties she will be required to perform1 
and thus give her the option of refusing
 the situation4 ,if she accepts it1 she 
must be made strictly to account for any
 neglect or omission of her work4 ,a    
maid with an indulgent mistress is free 
in the evenings1 after eight o'clock1   
and every ,sunday afternoon4  ,in       
families where there are many children1 
two nurses are frequently required--a   
head nurse and an assistant4  ,the      
nursery governess is much oftener       
employed now in this country than in    

former years4 ,this position is often   
filled by well-mannered and             
well-educated young women1 who are the  
daughters of poor men1 and obliged to   
earn their own living4 ,these young     
women1 if they are good and amiable1 are
 invaluable to their mistresses4 ,they  
perform the duties of a nurse1 wash and 
dress the children1 eat with them and   
teach them1 the nursery-maid doing the  
coarse1 rough work of the nursery4 ,if a
 good nursery governess can be found1   
she is worth her weight in gold to her  
employer4 ,she should not cat with the  
servants2 there should be a separate    
table for her and her charges4 ,this    
meal is prepared by the kitchen-maid1   
who is a very important functionary1    
almost an under-cook1 as the chief cook 
in such an establishment as we are      
describing is absorbed in the           
composition of the grand dishes and     
dinners4  ,the kitchen-maid should be a 
good plain-cook1 and clever in making   
the dishes suitable for children4 ,much 

of the elementary cooking for the       
dining-room1 such as the foundation for 
sauces and soups1 and the roasted and   
boiled joints1 is required of her1 and  
she also cooks the servants' dinner1    
which should be an entirely different   
meal from that served in the            
dining-room4 ,nine meals a day are      
usually cooked in a family living in    
this manner--breakfast for servants1    
children1 and the master and mistress1  
three2 children's dinner1 servants'     
dinner1 and luncheon1 another three2 and
 the grand dinner at seven1 the         
children's tea1 and the servants'       
supper1 the remaining three4  ,where two
 footmen are in attendance1 the head    
footman attends the door1 waits on his  
mistress when she drives out1 carries   
notes1 assists the butler1 lays the     
table and clears it1 and washes glass1  
china1 and silver4 ,the under-footman   
rises at six1 makes fires1 cleans boots1
 trims and cleans the lamps1 opens the  
shutters and the front-door1 sweeps down

 the steps1 and1 indeed1 does the       
rougher part of the work before the     
other servants begin their daily duties4
 ,each should be without mustache1 clean
 shaven1 and clad in neat livery4 ,his  
linen and white neck-tie should be1 when
 he appears to wait on the family at    
table or in any capacity1 immaculate4   
,the servants' meals should be punctual 
and plenteous1 although not luxurious4  
,it is a bad plan to feed servants on   
the luxuries of the master's table1 but 
a good cook will be able to compound    
dishes for the kitchen that will be     
savory and palatable4  ,,chapter ,,xlix4
 ,,manners4--,a ,,study ,,for ,,the     
,,awkward ,,and ,,the ,,shy4  ,it is a  
comfort to those of us who have felt the
 cold perspiration start on the brow1 at
 the prospect of entering an            
unaccustomed sphere1 to remember that   
the best men and women whom the world   
has known have been1 in their day1      
afflicted with shyness4 ,indeed1 it is  
to the past that we must refer when the 

terrible disease seizes us1 when the    
tongue becomes dry in the mouth1 the    
hands tremble1 and the knees knock      
together4  ,who does not pity the       
trembling boy when1 on the evening of   
his first party1 he succumbs to this    
dreadful malady8 ,the color comes in    
spots on his face1 and his hands are    
cold and clammy4 ,he sits down on the   
stairs and wishes he were dead4 ,a      
strange sensation is running down his   
back4 ,come1 ,peter1 cheer up1 his      
mother says1 not daring to tell him how 
she sympathizes with him4 ,he is afraid 
to be afraid1 he is ashamed to be       
ashamed4 ,nothing can equal this moment 
of agony4 ,the whole room looks black   
before him as some chipper little girl1 
who knows not the meaning of the word   
embarrassment1 comes to greet him4 ,he  
crawls off to the friendly shelter of a 
group of boys1 and sees the craven of   
the playground1  the dunce of the       
school1 with a wonderful                
self-possession1 lead off in the german 

with the prettiest girl4 ,as he grows   
older1 and becomes the young man whose  
duty it is to go to dinners and         
afternoon parties1 this terrible        
weakness will again overcome him4 ,he   
has done well at college1 can make a    
very good speech at the club suppers1   
but at the door of a parlor he feels    
himself a drivelling idiot4 ,he assumes 
a courage1 if he has it not1 and dashes 
into a room 7which is full of people7 as
 he would attack a forlorn hope4 ,there 
is safety in numbers1 and he retires to 
a corner4  ,when he goes to a tea-party 
a battery of feminine eyes gazes at him 
with a critical perception of his youth 
and rawness4 ,knowing that he ought to  
be supremely graceful and serene1 he    
stumbles over a footstool1 and hears a  
suppressed giggle4 ,he reaches his      
hostess1 and wishes she were the        
cannon's mouth1 in order that his       
sufferings might be ended2 but she is   
not4 ,his agony is to last the whole    
evening4 ,tea-parties are eternal3 they 

never end2 they are like the            
old-fashioned ideas of a future state of
 torment--they grow hotter and more     
stifling4 ,as the evening advances      
towards eternity he upsets the          
cream-jug4 ,he summons all his          
will-power1 or he would run away4 ,no2  
retreat is impossible4 ,one must die at 
the post of duty4 ,he thinks of all the 
formulas of courage--,none but the brave
 deserve the fair1 ,he either fears his 
fate too much1 or his deserts are small1
 ,there is no such coward as            
self-consciousness1 etc4 ,but these     
maxima are of no avail4 ,his feet are   
feet of clay1 not good to stand on1 only
 good to stumble with4 ,his hands are   
cold1 tremulous1 and useless4 ,there is 
a very disagreeable feeling in the back 
of his neck1 and a spinning sensation   
about the brain4 ,a queer rumbling      
seizes his ears4 ,he has heard that     
conscience makes cowards of us all4     
,what mortal sin has he committed8 ,his 
moral sense answers back1 ,none4 ,you   

are only that poor creature1 a bashful  
youth4 ,and he bravely calls on all his 
nerves1 muscles1 and brains to help him 
through this ordeal4 ,he sees the       
pitying eyes of the woman to whom he is 
talking turn away from his countenance  
7on which he knows that all his         
miserable shyness has written itself in 
legible characters74 ,and this          
humiliation1 too8 he asks of himself1 as
 she brings him the usual refuge of the 
awkward--a portfolio of photographs to  
look at4 ,women are seldom troubled1 at 
the age at which men suffer1 with       
bashfulness or awkwardness4 ,it is as if
 ,nature thus compensated the weaker    
vessel4 ,cruel are those women1 however1
 and most to be reprobated1 who laugh at
 a bashful man6  ,the sufferings of a   
shy man would fill a volume4 ,it is a   
nervous seizure for which no part of his
 organization is to blame2 he cannot    
reason it away1 he can only crush it by 
enduring it3 ,to bear is to conquer our 
,fate4 ,some men1 finding the play not  

worth the candle1 give up society and   
the world2 others go on1 suffer1 and    
come out cool veterans who fear no      
tea-party1 however overwhelming it may  
be4  ,it is the proper province of      
parents to have their children taught   
all the accomplishments of the body1    
that they1 like the ancient ,greeks1 may
 know that every muscle will obey the   
brain4 ,a shy1 awkward boy should be    
trained in dancing1 fencing1 boxing2 he 
should be instructed in music1          
elocution1 and public speaking2 he      
should be sent into society1 whatever it
 may cost him at first1 as certainly as 
he should be sent to the dentist's4 ,his
 present sufferings may save him from   
lifelong annoyance4  ,to the very best  
men--the most learned1 the most         
graceful1 the most eloquent1 the most   
successful--has come at some one time or
 other the dreadful agony of            
bashfulness4 ,indeed1 it is the higher  
order of man being that it most surely  
attacks2 it is the precursor of many    

excellences1 and1 like the knight's     
vigil1 if patiently and bravely borne1  
the knight is twice the hero4 ,it is    
this recollection1 which can alone      
assuage the sufferer1 that he should    
always carry with him4 ,he should       
remember that the compound which he     
calls himself is of all things most     
mixed4  ,the web of our life is of a    
mingled yarn1 good and ill together4    
,two antagonistic races--it may be his  
,grandfather ,brown and his ,grandmother
 ,williams--are struggling in him for   
the mastery2 and their exceedingly      
opposite natures are pulling his arms   
and legs asunder4 ,he has to harmonize  
this antagonism before he becomes       
himself1 and it adds much to his        
confusion to see that poor little       
pretender1 ,tom ,titmouse1 talking and  
laughing and making merry4 ,there are1  
however1 no ancestral diversities       
fighting for the possession of ,tom     
,titmouse4 ,the grandfathers and        
grandmothers of ,tom ,titmouse were not 

people of strong character2 they were a 
decorous race on both sides1 with no    
heavy intellectual burdens1 good enough 
people who wore well4 ,but does our     
bashful man know this8 ,no4 ,he simply  
remembers a passage in the ,odyssey     
which ,tom ,titmouse could not construe1
 but which the bashful man read1 to the 
delight of the tutor3  ,o gods6 ,how    
beloved he is1 and how honored by all   
men to whatsoever land or city he comes6
 ,he brings much booty from ,troy1 but  
we1 having accomplished the same        
journey1 are returning home having empty
 hands6 ,and this messenger from ,troy  
is ,tom ,titmouse6  ,not that all poor  
scholars and inferior men have fine     
manners1 nor do all good scholars and   
superior men fail in the drawing-room4  
,no rule is without an exception4 ,it   
is1 however1 a comfort to those who are 
awkward and shy to remember that many of
 the great and good and superior men who
 live in history have suffered1 even as 
they suffer1 from the pin-pricks of     

bashfulness4 ,the first refuge of the   
inexperienced1 bashful person is often  
to assume a manner of extreme hauteur4  
,this is1 perhaps1 a natural fence--or  
defence2 it is1 indeed1 a very          
convenient armor1 and many a woman has  
fought her battle behind it through     
life4 ,no doubt it is the armor of the  
many so-called frigid persons1 male and 
female1 who must either suffer the pangs
 of bashfulness1 or affect a coldness   
which they do not feel4 ,some people are
 naturally encased in a column of ice   
which they cannot break1 but within is a
 fountain which would burst out at the  
lips in words of kindliness if only the 
tongue could speak them4 ,these         
limitations of nature are very strange2 
we cannot explain them4 ,it is only by  
referring to ,grandfather ,brown and    
,grandmother ,williams again that we    
understand them at all4 ,one person will
 be furnished with very large feet and  
very small hands1 with a head           
disproportionately large for the body1  

or one as remarkably small4 ,differences
 of race must account for these         
eccentricities of nature2 we cannot     
otherwise explain them1 nor the mental  
antagonisms1 ,but the awkward and the   
shy do not always take refuge in a cold 
manner2 ,sometimes they study manner as 
they would the small-sword exercise1 and
 exploit it-with equal fervor4          
,exaggeration of manner is quite as     
common a refuge for these unfortunates  
as the other extreme of calmness4 ,they 
render themselves ridiculous by the     
lowness of their bows and the vivid     
picturesqueness of their speech4 ,they1 
as it were1 burst the bounds of the     
calyx1 and the flower opens too wide4   
,symmetry is lost1 graceful outline is  
destroyed4 ,many a bashful man1 thinking
 of ,tom ,titmouse1 has become an       
acrobat in his determination to be      
lively and easy4 ,he should remember the
 juste milieu1 recommended by           
,shakespeare when he says1  ,they are as
 sick that surfeit with too much4 ,as   

they that starve with nothing4  ,the    
happy people who are born unconscious of
 their bodies1 who grow through life    
more and more graceful1 easy1 cordial1  
and agreeable2 the happy few ,who were  
never bashful1 never nervous1 never had 
clammy hands1 they need not read these  
pages--they are not written for such    
blessed eyes4 ,it is for the            
well-meaning1 but shy and awkward1      
people that the manners of artificial   
society are most useful4  ,for the      
benefit of such persons we must improve 
a ceremonial nicety into a substantial  
duty1 else we shall see a cultivated    
scholar confused before a set of        
giggling girls1 and a man who is all    
,wisdom1 valor and learning1 playing the
 donkey at an evening party4 ,if he lack
 the inferior arts of polite behavior1  
who will take the trouble to discover a 
,sir ,walter ,raleigh behind his cravat8
  ,a man who is constrained1 uneasy1 and
 ungraceful1 can spoil the happiness of 
a dozen people4 ,therefore he is bound  

to create an artificial manner1 if a    
natural one does not come to him1       
remembering always that manners are     
shadows of virtues4  ,the manners of    
artificial society have this to commend 
them3 they meditate the greatest good to
 the greatest number4 ,we do not like   
the word artificial1 or to commend      
anything which is supposed to be the    
antipodes of the word sincere1 but it is
 a recipe1 a doctor's prescription that 
we are recommending as a cure for a     
disease4 ,good manners are to special   
societies what good morals are to       
society in general--their cement and    
their security4 ,true politeness creates
 perfect ease and freedom2 it and its   
essence is to treat others as you would 
have others treat you4 ,therefore1 as   
you know how embarrassing embarrassment 
is to everybody else1 strive not to be  
embarrassed4  ,,chapter ,l4 ,,how ,,to  
,,treat ,a ,,guest4  ,no one possessed  
of his senses would invite a person to  
his country house for the purpose of    

making him unhappy4 ,at least so we     
should say at first thought4 ,but it is 
an obvious fact that very many guests   
are invited to the country houses of    
their friends1 and are made extremely   
miserable while there4 ,they have to    
rise at unusual hours1 eat when they are
 not hungry1 drive or walk or play      
tennis when they would prefer to do     
everything else1 and they are obliged to
 give up those hours which are precious 
to them for other duties or pleasures2  
so that many people1 after an experience
 of visiting1 are apt to say1 ,no more  
of the slavery of visiting for me1 if   
you please6  ,now the ,english in their 
vast country houses have reduced the    
custom of visiting and receiving their  
friends to a system4 ,they are said to  
be in all respects the best hosts in the
 world1 the masters of the letting-alone
 system4 ,a man who owns a splendid     
place near ,london invites a guest for  
three days or more1 and carefully       
suggests when he shall come and when he 

shall go--a very great point in         
hospitality4 ,he is invited to come by  
the three o'clock train on ,monday1 and 
to leave by the four o'clock train on   
,thursday4 ,that means that he shall    
arrive before dinner on ,monday1 and    
leave after luncheon on ,thursday4 ,if a
 guest cannot accede to these hours1 he 
must write and say so4 ,once arrived1 he
 rarely meets his host or hostess until 
dinner-time4 ,he is conducted to his    
room1 a cup of tea with some light      
refreshment is provided1 and the        
well-bred servant in attendance says at 
what hour before dinner he will be      
received in the drawing-room4 ,it is    
possible that some member of the family 
may be disengaged and may propose a     
drive before dinner1 but this is not    
often done2 the guest is left to himself
 or herself until dinner4 ,general and  
,mrs4 ,grant were shown to their rooms  
at ,windsor ,castle1 and locked up      
there1 when they visited the ,queen1    
until the steward came to tell them that

 dinner would be served in half an hour2
 they were then conducted to the grand  
salon1 where the ,queen presently       
entered4 ,in less stately residences    
very much the same ceremony is observed4
 ,the hostess1 after dinner and before  
the separation for the night1 tells her 
guests that horses will be at their     
disposal the next morning1 and also asks
 if they would like to play lawn-       
tennis1 if they wish to explore the     
park1 at what hour they will breakfast1 
or if they will breakfast in their      
rooms4 ,luncheon is at one2 and she will
 be happy to see them at that informal  
meal4  ,thus the guest has before him   
the enviable privilege of spending the  
day as he pleases4 ,he need not talk    
unless he choose2 he may take a book and
 wander off under the trees2 he may take
 a horse and explore the county1 or he  
may drive in a victoria1 phaeton1 or any
 other sort of carriage4 ,to a lady who 
has her letters to write1 her novel to  
read1 or her early headache to manage1  

this liberty is precious4  ,it must also
 be said that no one is allowed to feel 
neglected in an ,english house4 ,if a   
lady guest says1 ,i am a stranger2 ,i   
should like to see your fine house and  
your lovely park1 some one is found to  
accompany her4 ,seldom the hostess1 for 
she has much else to do2 but there is   
often a single sister1 a cousin1 or a   
very intelligent governess1 who is      
summoned4 ,in our country we cannot     
offer our guests all these advantages2  
we can1 however1 offer them their       
freedom1 and give them1 with our limited
 hospitality1 their choice of hours for 
breakfast and their freedom from our    
society4  ,but the questioner may ask1  
,why invite guests1 unless we wish to   
see them8 ,we do wish to see them--a    
part of the day1 not the whole day4 ,no 
one can sit and talk all day4 ,the      
hostess should have her privilege of    
retiring after the mid-day meal1 with   
her novel1 for a nap1 and so should the 
guest3 ,well-bred people understand all 

this1 and are glad to give up the       
pleasure of social intercourse for an   
hour of solitude4 ,there is nothing so  
sure to repay one in the long run as    
these quiet hours4  ,if a lady invites  
another to visit her at ,newport or     
,saratoga1 she should evince her thought
 for her guest's comfort by providing   
her with horses and carriage to pay her 
own visits1 to take her own drives1 or  
to do her shopping4 ,of course1 the     
pleasure of two friends is generally to 
be together1 and to do the same things2 
but sometimes it is quite the reverse4  
,the tastes and habits of two people    
staying in the same house may be very   
different1 and each should respect the  
peculiarities of the other4 ,it costs   
little time and no money for an opulent 
,newport hostess to find out what her   
guest wishes to do with her day1 and she
 can easily1 with a little tact1 allow  
her to be happy in her own way4         
,gentlemen understand this much better  
than ladies1 and a gentleman guest is   

allowed to do very much as he pleases at
 ,newport4 ,no one asks anything about  
his plans for the day1 except if he will
 dine at home4 ,his hostess may ask him 
to drive or ride with her1 or to go to  
the ,casino1 perhaps2 but if she be a   
well-bred woman of the world she will   
not be angry if he refuses4 ,a lady     
guest has not1 however1 such freedom2   
she is apt to be a slave1 from the fact 
that as yet the ,american hostess has   
not learned that the truest hospitality 
is to let her guest alone1 and to allow 
her to enjoy herself in her own way4 ,a 
thoroughly well-bred guest makes no     
trouble in a house2 she has the instinct
 of a lady1 and is careful that no plan 
of her hostess shall be disarranged by  
her presence4 ,she mentions all her1    
separate invitations1 desires to know   
when her hostess wishes her presence1 if
 the carriage can take her hither and   
yon1 or if she may be allowed to hire a 
carriage4  ,there are hostesses1 here   
and in ,england1 who do not invite      

guests to their houses for the purpose  
of making them happy1 but to add to     
their own importance4 ,such hostesses   
are not apt to consider the individual  
rights of any one1 and they use a guest 
merely to add to the brilliancy of their
 parties1 and to make the house more    
fashionable and attractive4 ,some       
ill-bred women1 in order to show their  
power1 even insult and ill treat the    
people who have accepted their proffered
 hospitality4 ,this class of hostess is1
 fortunately1 not common1 but it is not 
unknown4  ,a hostess should remember    
that1 when she asks people to visit her1
 she has two very important duties to   
perform--one1 not to neglect her guests2
 the other1 not to weary them by too    
much attention4 ,never give a guest the 
impression that he is being entertained1
 that he is on your mind2 follow the    
daily life of your household and of your
 duties as you desire1 taking care that 
your guest is never in an unpleasant    
position or neglected4 ,if you have a   

tiresome guest who insists upon         
following you around and weighing       
heavily on your hands1 be firm1 go to   
your own room1 and lock the door4 ,if   
you have a sulky guest who looks bored1 
throw open the library-door1 order the  
carriage1 and make your own escape4 ,but
 if you have a very agreeable guest who 
shows every desire to please and be     
pleased1 give that model guest the      
privilege of choosing her own hours and 
her own retirement4  ,the charm of an   
,american country-house is1 generally1  
that it is a home1 and sacred to home   
duties4 ,a model guest never infringes  
for one moment on the rights of the     
master of the house4 ,she never spoils  
his dinner or his drive by being late2  
she never sends him back to bring her   
parasol2 she never abuses his friends or
 the family dog2 she is careful to      
abstain from disagreeable topics2 she   
joins his whist-table if she knows how  
to play2 but she ought never to be      
obliged to rise an hour earlier than her

 wont because he wishes to take an early
 train for town4 ,these early-morning1  
perfunctory breakfasts are not times for
 conversation1 and they ruin the day for
 many bad sleepers4  ,in a country      
neighborhood a hostess has sometimes to 
ask her guests to go to church to hear a
 stupid preacher1 and to go to her      
country neighbors1 to become acquainted 
with what may be the slavery of country 
parties4 ,the guest should always be    
allowed to refuse these hospitalities2  
and1 if he be a tired townsman1 he will 
prefer the garden1 the woodland1 the    
retirement of the country1 to any church
 or tea-party in the world4 ,he cannot  
enter into his host's interests or his  
neighbor's4 ,leave him to his solitude  
if in that is his happiness4  ,at       
,newport guest and hostess have often   
different friends and different         
invitations4 ,when this is understood1  
no trouble ensues if the host and       
hostess go out to dinner and leave the  
guest at home4 ,it often happens that   

this is done1 and no lady of            
good-breeding takes offence4 ,of course 
a nice dinner is prepared for her1 and  
she is often asked to invite a friend to
 share it4  ,on the other hand1 the     
guest often has invitations which do not
 include the hostess4 ,these should be  
spoken of in good season1 so that none  
of the hostess's plans may be           
disarranged1 that the carriage may be   
ordered in time1 and the guest sent for 
at the proper hour4 ,well-bred people   
always accept these contingencies as a  
matter of course1 and are never         
disconcerted by them4  ,there is no     
office in the world which should be     
filled with such punctilious' devotion1 
propriety1 and self-respect as that of  
hostess4 ,if a lady ever allows her     
guest to feel that she is a cause of    
inconvenience1 she violates the first   
rule of hospitality4 ,if she fail in any
 way in her obligations as hostess to a 
guest whom she has invited1 she shows   
herself to be ill-bred and ignorant of  

the first principles of politeness4 ,she
 might better invite twelve people to   
dinner and then ask them to dine on the 
pavement than ignore or withdraw from a 
written and accepted invitation1 unless 
sickness or death afford the excuse2 and
 yet hostesses have been known to do    
this from mere caprice4 ,but they were  
necessarily ill- bred people4  ,,chapter
 ,,li4 ,,lady ,,and ,,gentleman4  ,the  
number of questions asked by            
correspondents on the subject of the    
proper use of the familiar words lady   
and woman1 and of the titles of married 
women1 induces the reflection that the  
woman question is one which rivals in   
universal interest those of ,nihilism1  
,irish rebellion1 and the future        
presidency4 ,it is not1 however1 of     
ultimate importance to a woman what she 
is called1 as arose by any other name   
would smell as sweet1 but it is of      
importance to those who speak of her1   
because by their speech shall ye know   
them1 whether fashionable or            

unfashionable1 whether old or young1    
whether welt-bred or ill-bred1 whether  
stylish or hopelessly rococo6  ,nothing1
 for instance1 ,can be in worse taste   
than to say she is a beautiful lady1 or 
a clever lady4 ,one should always say   
beautiful woman1 clever woman4 ,the     
would-be genteel make this mistake      
constantly1 and in the ,rosa-,matilda   
style of novel the gentleman always     
kneels to the lady1 and the fair ladies 
are scattered broadcast through the     
book1 while the fine old ,saxon word    
woman is left out1 or not properly used4
  ,now it would be easy enough to       
correct this if we could only tell our  
correspondents always to use the word   
woman4 ,but unfortunately we are here   
constrained to say that would be equally
 bad form4 ,no gentleman would say1 ,i  
am travelling with women4 ,he would say1
 ,i am travelling with ladies4 ,he would
 not say1 ,when ,i want to take my women
 to the theatre4 ,he would say1 ,when ,i
 want to take my ladies4 ,he would speak

 of his daughters as young ladies1 etc41
 etc4 ,but if he were writing a novel   
about these same young ladies1 he would 
avoid the word lady as feeble1 and in   
speaking of emotions1 looks1 qualities1 
etc41 he would use the word woman4      
,therefore1 as a grand generic          
distinction1 we can say that woman      
should be used when the realities of    
life and character are treated of4 ,lady
 should be used to express the outside  
characteristics1 the conditions of      
cultivated society1 and the respectful1 
distant1 and chivalric etiquette which  
society claims for women when members   
thereof4  ,then1 our querist may ask1   
,why is the term1 she is a beautiful    
lady1 so hopelessly out of style8 ,why  
does it betray that the speaker has not 
lived in a fashionable set8 ,why must we
 say nice woman1 clever woman1 beautiful
 woman1 etc4  ,the only answer to this  
is that the latter phraseology is a     
caprice of fashion into which           
plain-spoken people were driven by the  

affectations of the shabby-genteel and  
half-instructed persons who have ruined 
two good words for us by misapplication4
 ,one is genteel1 which means gentle1   
and the other is lady1 which means      
everything which is refined1 cultivated1
 elegant1 and aristocratic4 ,then as to 
the term woman1 this nomenclature has   
been much affected by the universal     
sans-culottism of the ,french           
,revolution1 when the queen was called  
citoyenne4 ,much1 again1 from a         
different cause1 comes from our own     
absurd want of self-respect1 which has  
accrued in this confusion of etiquette  
in a republic1 as for instance1 ,i am a 
lady--as much a lady as anybody--and ,i 
want to be called a lady1 remarked a    
nurse who came for a situation to the   
wife of one of our presidents4 ,i have  
just engaged a colored lady as a cook1  
remarked a nouveau riche4 ,no wonder    
that when the word came to be thus      
misapplied the lover of good ,english   
undefiled began to associate the word   

lady with pretension1 ignorance1 and bad
 grammar4  ,still1 no real lady would   
say to her nurse1 ,a woman is coming to 
stay with me4 ,to servants the term     
lady1 as applied to a coming guest1 is  
indispensable4 ,so of a gentleman she   
would say to her servant1 ,a gentleman  
is coming to stay here for a week2 but  
to her husband or son she would say1 ,he
 is a clever man1 rather than1 ,he is a 
clever gentleman4  ,we might almost say 
that no women talk to men about         
gentlemen1 and no men talk to women     
about ladies1 in fashionable society4 ,a
 woman in good society speaks of the    
hunting men1 the dancing men1 the       
talking men4 ,she does not say          
gentleman1 unless in some such          
connection as this1 ,no gentleman would 
do such a thing1 if some breach of      
etiquette had occurred4 ,and yet no man 
would come into a lady's drawing-room   
saying1 ,where are the girls8 or ,where 
are the women8 ,he would ,say2 ,where   
are the young ladies8  ,it therefore    

requires a fine ear and a fine sense of 
modern fashion and of eternal propriety 
always to choose the right word in the  
delicate and almost unsettled estate of 
these two epithets4 ,ladylike can never 
go out of fashion4 ,it is at once a     
compliment of the highest order and a   
suggestion of subtle perfection4 ,the   
word woman does not reach up to this1   
because in its broad and strong         
etymology it may mean a washer-woman1 a 
fighting woman1 a coarse woman1 alas6 a 
drunken woman4 ,if we hear of a drunken 
lady1 we see a downfall1 a glimpse of   
better days2 chloral1 opium1 even       
cologne1 may have brought her to it4    
,the word still saves her miserable     
reputation a little4 ,but the words a   
drunken woman merely suggest whiskey1   
degradation1 squalor1 dirt1 and the     
tenement-house4  ,it is evident1        
therefore1 that we cannot do without the
 word lady4 ,it is the outgrowth of     
years of chivalric devotion1 and of that
 progress in the history of woman which 

has ever been raising her from her low  
estate4 ,to the ,christian religion     
first does she owe her rise2 to the     
institution of chivalry1 to the growth  
of civilization since1 has woman owed   
her continual elevation4 ,she can never 
go back to the degradation of those days
 when1 in ,greece and ,rome1 she was not
 allowed to eat with her husband and    
sons4 ,she waited on them as a servant4 
,now they in every country serve her1 if
 they are gentlemen4 ,but1 owing to a   
curious twist in the way of looking at  
things1 she is now undoubtedly the      
tyrant1 and in fashionable society she  
is often imperiously ill-bred1 and      
requires that her male slaves be in a   
state of servitude to which the         
,egyptian bondage would have been light 
frivolity4  ,american women are said to 
be faulty in manners1 particularly in   
places of public amusement1 in railway  
travelling1 in omnibuses1 and in shops4 
,men complain very much that the fairer 
sex are very brutal on these occasions4 

,i wish women would behave like ladies1 
said a man at a matine4 ,yes1 said his  
friend1 ,i wish they would behave like  
men4 ,just then a sharp feminine elbow  
was thrust into his chest4 ,i wish      
gentlemen would not crowd so1 was the   
remark which accompanied the dig under  
the fifth rib from a person whom no one 
could call a lady4  ,in speaking to a   
servant1 either a lady or a gentleman   
will ever be patient1 courteous1 kind1  
not presuming on his or her power4 ,but 
there should always be a certain        
ceremony observed1 and a term of respect
 to the person spoken of4 ,therefore a  
mistress will not say ,have the girls   
come in8 ,is ,lucy home8 ,she will say3 
,have the young ladies come in8 ,is     
,miss ,lucy at home8 ,this sort of      
dignified etiquette has the happiest and
 the most beneficial result on the      
relations of mistress and servant4  ,in 
modern literature the terms man and     
woman have nearly obliterated the words 
gentleman and lady1 and we can hardly   

imagine a more absurd phrase than the   
following3 ,i asked ,mary what she      
thought of ,charles1 and she said he was
 a beautiful gentleman1 and ,charles    
said that ,mary was a lovely lady2 so it
 was quite natural that ,i should try to
 bring them together1 etc41 etc4        
,still1 in poetry we like the word lady4
 ,if my lady loves me true1 is much     
better than if my woman loves me true   
would be2 so there1 again1 we have the  
contradiction1 for the ,anglo-,saxon    
rule of using the word woman when       
anything real or sincere in emotion is  
in question is here honored in the      
breach4 ,but this is one of the many    
shadowy conflicts which complicate this 
subject4  ,the term lady is like the    
word gentry in ,england--it is elastic4 
,all persons coming within the category 
of gentry may attend the ,queen's       
,drawing-room1 yet it is well understood
 that birth1 wealth1 association1 and   
position give the raison d'tre for the  
use of such a privilege1 and in that    

carefully guarded ,english society the  
wife or daughters of an officer in the  
navy or in a line regiment whose means  
are slender and whose position is       
obscure would not be justified in       
presenting themselves at court4 ,the    
same remark holds good of the wives and 
daughters of clergymen1 barristers1     
doctors1 authors1 and artists1 although 
the husband1 if eminent1 might attend a 
leve if he wished4 ,yet these women are 
very tenacious of the title of lady1 and
 no tradesman's wife would deny it to   
them1 while she would not1 if ever so   
rich1 aspire to be called a lady        
herself4  ,i ain't no lady myself1 but  
,i can afford to have 'em as            
governesses1 remarked a ,mrs4           
,kicklebury on the ,rhine4 ,she was not 
at all ashamed of the fact that she was 
no lady herself1 yet her compeer and    
equal in ,america1 if she kept a        
gin-shop1 would insist upon the title of
 lady4  ,a lady is a person of          
refinement1 of education1 of fashion1 of

 birth1 of prestige1 of a higher grade  
of some sort1 if we apply the term      
rightly4 ,she may be out of place       
through loss of fortune1 or she may have
 sullied her title1 but a something     
tells us that she is still a lady4 ,we  
have a habit of saying1 as some person1 
perhaps well decked out with fortune's  
favors1 passes us1 ,she is not a lady1  
and every one will know what we mean4   
,the phrase vulgar lady1 therefore1 is  
an absurdity2 there is no such thing2 as
 well talk of a white blackbird2 the    
term is self-contradictory4 ,if she is  
vulgar1 she is not a lady2 but there is 
such a thing as a vulgar woman1 and it  
is a very real thing4  ,in ,england they
 have many terms to express the word    
woman which we have not4 ,a traveller in
 the rural districts speaks of a kindly 
old wife who received me1 or a wretched 
old crone1 or a saucy lassie1 or a neat 
maid1 etc4 ,we should use the word      
woman1 or old woman1 or girl1 for all   
these4  ,now as to the term old woman or

 old lady4 ,the latter has a pretty     
sound4 ,we see the soft white curls1 so 
like floss silk1 the delicate white     
camel's-hair shawl1 the soft lace and   
appropriate black satin gown1 the pretty
 old-fashioned manner1 and we see that  
this is a real lady4 ,she may have her  
tricks of old-fashioned speech2 they do 
not offend us4 ,to be sure1 she has no  
slang2 she does not talk about awfully  
jolly1 or a ghastly way off2 she does   
not talk of the boys as being a bully   
lot1 or the girls as being beastly fine2
 she does not say that she is feeling   
rather seedy to-day1 etc4 ,no1 our old  
lady is a lady1 and it would be in bad  
taste to call her an old woman1 which   
somehow sounds disrespectful4           
,therefore we must1 while begging of our
 correspondents to use the word woman   
whenever they can1 tell them not        
entirely to drop the word lady4 ,the    
real lady or gentleman is very much     
known by the voice1 the choice of words1
 the appropriate term4 ,nothing can be  

better than to err on the side of       
simplicity1 which is always better than 
gush1 or over-effort1 or conceit of     
speech4 ,one may be ignorant of the     
shibboleth of a good set1 yet speak most
 excellent ,english4  ,thackeray said of
 ,george the ,fourth that there was only
 one reason why he should not have been 
called the first gentleman in ,europe1  
and that was because he was not a       
gentleman4 ,but of the young ,duke of   
,albany1 just deceased1 no one could    
hesitate to speak as a gentleman4       
,therefore1 while we see that birth does
 not always make a gentleman1 we still  
get the idea that it may help to make   
one1 as we do not readily connect the   
idea with ,jeames1 who was a gentleman's
 gentleman4 ,he might have been fine1   
but not noble4  ,as for titles for      
married women1 we have only the one     
word1 ,mrs41 not even the pretty ,french
 ,madame4 ,but no woman should write    
herself ,mrs4 on her checks or at the   
foot of her notes2 nowhere but in a     

hotel register or on a card should she  
give herself this title1 simple though  
it be4 ,she is always1 if she writes in 
the first person1 ,mary ,smith1 even to 
a person she does not know4 ,this seems 
to trouble some people1 who ask1 ,how   
will such a person know ,i am married8  
,why should they8 ,if desirous of       
informing some distant servant or other 
person of that fact1 add in a           
parenthesis beneath ,mary ,smith the    
important addenda1 ,mrs4 ,john ,smith4  
,when women are allowed to vote1 perhaps
 further complications may arise4 ,the  
truth is1 women have no real names4     
,they simply are called by the name of  
father or husband1 and if they marry    
several times may well begin to doubt   
their own identity4 ,happy those who    
never have to sign but one new name to  
their letters6  ,,chapter ,,lii4 ,,the  
,,manners ,,of ,,the ,,past4  ,in these 
days1 amid what has been strongly stated
 as the prevailing mediocrity of        
manners1 a study of the manners of the  

past would seem to reveal to us the fact
 that in those days of ceremony a man   
who was beset with shyness need then    
have suffered less than he would do now 
in these days of impertinence and brass4
  ,a man was not then expected to enter 
a room and to dash at once into a lively
 conversation4 ,the stately influence of
 the minuet de la cour was upon him2 he 
deliberately entered a room1 made a low 
bow1 and sat down1 waiting to be spoken 
to4  ,indeed1 we may go farther back and
 imagine ourselves at the court of      
,louis ,,xiv41 when the world was       
broadly separated into the two          
classes--the noble and the bourgeois4   
,that world which ,moliere divided in   
his dramatis personae into the courtier1
 the provincial noble1 and the plain    
gentleman2 and secondly1 into the men of
 law and medicine1 the merchant1 and the
 shopkeeper4 ,these divisions shall be  
for a moment considered4 ,now1 all these
 men knew exactly1 from the day when    
they reached ten years of age1 how they 

were expected to behave in the sphere of
 life to which they were called4 ,the   
marquis was instructed in every art of  
graceful behavior1 the bel air was      
taught him as we teach our boys how to  
dance1 even more thoroughly4 ,the grand 
seigneur of those days1 the man who     
would not arrange the folds of his own  
cravat with his own hands1 and who      
exacted an observance as punctilious    
from his valets as if he were the king  
himself1 that marquis of whom the great 
,moliere makes such fun1 the courtier   
whom even the grand monarque liked to   
see ridiculed--this man had1            
nevertheless1 good manners4 ,we see him 
reflected with marvellous fidelity in   
those wonderful comedies of the ,french 
,shakespeare2 he is more than the       
fashion of an epoch--he is one of the   
eternal types of human nature4 ,we learn
 what a man becomes whose business is   
deportment4 ,even despicable as he is in
 ,le ,bourgeois                         
,gentilhomme---flattering1 borrowing    

money1 cheating the poor citizen1 and   
using his rank as a mask and excuse for 
his vices--we still read that it was    
such a one as he who took poor          
,moliere's cold hands in his and put    
them in his muff1 when1 on the last     
dreadful day of the actor's life 7with a
 liberality which does his memory       
immortal honor71 he strove to play1 that
 fifty poor workmen might receive their 
daily pay4 ,it was such a one as this   
who was kind to poor ,moliere4 ,there   
was in these gens de cour a copy of fine
 feeling1 even if they had it not1 ,they
 were polite and elegant1 making the    
people about them feel better for the   
moment1 doing graceful acts courteously1
 and gilding vice with the polish of    
perfect manners4 ,the bourgeois1        
according to ,moliere1 was as bad a man 
as the courtier1 but he had1 besides1   
brutal manners2 and as for the          
magistrates and merchants1 they were    
harsh and surly1 and very sparing of    
civility4 ,no wonder1 when the ,french  

,revolution came1 that one of the       
victims1 regretting the                 
not-yet-forgotten marquis1 desired the  
return of the aristocracy2 for1 said he1
 ,i would rather be trampled upon by a  
velvet slipper than a wooden shoe4  ,it 
is the best definition of manners--a    
velvet slipper rather than a wooden     
shoe4 ,we ask very little of the people 
whom we casually meet but that the      
salutation be pleasant2 and as we       
remember how many crimes and misfortunes
 have arisen from sudden anger1 caused  
sometimes by pure breaches of good      
manners1 we almost agree with ,burke    
that manners are of more importance than
 laws4 ,upon them1 in a great measure1  
the laws depend4  ,some one calls       
politeness benevolence in trifles1 the  
preference of others to ourselves in    
little1 daily1 hourly occurrences in the
 business of life1 a better place1 a    
more commodious seat1 priority in being 
helped at table1 etc4  ,now1 in all     
these minor morals the marquis was a    

benevolent man2 he was affable and both 
well and fair spoken1 and would use     
strange sweetness and blandishment of   
words when he desired to affect or      
persuade anything that he took to       
heart--that is1 with his equals4 ,it is 
well to study this man1 and to remember 
that he was not always vile4 ,the       
,prince of ,cond had these manners and a
 generous1 great heart as well4         
,gentleness really belongs to virtue1   
and a sycophant can hardly imitate it   
well4 ,the perfect gentleman is he who  
has a strong heart under the silken     
doublet of a perfect manner4  ,we do not
 want all the decent drapery of life    
torn off2 we do not want to be told that
 we are full of defects2 we do not wish 
people to show us a latent antagonism2  
and if we have in ourselves the elements
 of roughness1 severity of judgment1 a  
critical eye which sees defects rather  
than virtues1 we are bound to study how 
to tone down that native1 disagreeable  
temper--just as we are bound to try to  

break the icy formality of a reserved   
manner1 and to cultivate a cordiality   
which we do not feel4 ,such a command   
over the shortcomings of our own natures
 is not insincerity1 as we often find   
that the effort to make ourselves       
agreeable towards some one whom we      
dislike ends in leading us to like the  
offending person4 ,we find that we have 
really been the offender1 going about   
with a moral tape-measure graduated by  
ourselves1 and measuring the opposite   
party with a serene conceit which has   
called itself principle or honor1 or    
some high-sounding name1 while it was   
really nothing but prejudice4  ,we      
should try to carry entertainment with  
us1 and to seem entertained with our    
company4 ,a friendly behavior often     
conciliates and pleases more than wit or
 brilliancy2 and here we come back to   
those polished manners of the past1     
which were a perfect drapery1 and       
therefore should be studied1 and perhaps
 in a degree copied1 by the awkward and 

the shy1 who cannot depend upon         
themselves for inspirations of          
agreeability4 ,emerson says that fashion
 is good- sense entertaining company2 it
 hates corners and sharp points of      
character1 hates quarrelsome1           
egotistical1 solitary1 and gloomy       
people1 hates whatever can interfere    
with total blending of parties1 while it
 values all particularities as in the   
highest degree refreshing which can     
consist with good-fellowship4  ,it does 
the awkward and the shy good to         
contemplate these words4 ,it may not    
immediately help them to become graceful
 and self-possessed1 but it will        
certainly have a very good effect in    
inducing them to try4  ,we find that the
 successful man of the world has studied
 the temper of the finest sword4 ,he can
 bend easily1 he is flexible1 he is     
pliant1 and yet he has not lost the     
bravery and the power of his weapon4    
,men of the bar1 for instance1 have been
 at the trouble to construct a system of

 politeness1 in which even an offensive 
self- estimation takes on the garb of   
humility4 ,the harmony is preserved1 a  
trial goes on with an appearance of     
deference and respect each to the other1
 highly1 most highly1 commendable1 and  
producing law and order where otherwise 
we might find strife1 hatred1 and       
warfare4 ,although this may be a mimic  
humility1 although the compliments may  
be judged insincere1 they are still the 
shadows of the very highest virtues4    
,the man who is guarding his speech is  
ruling his spirit2 he is keeping his    
temper1 that furnace of all affliction1 
and the lofty chambers of his brain are 
cool and full of fresh air4  ,a man who 
is by nature clownish1 and who has what 
he calls a noble sincerity1 is very apt 
to do injustice to the polished man2 he 
should1 however1 remember that the      
manner of a vulgar man has freedom      
without ease1 and that the manner of a  
gentleman has ease without freedom4 ,a  
man with an obliging1 agreeable address 

may be just as sincere as if he had the 
noble art of treading on everybody's    
toes4 ,the putter-down-upon-system man  
is quite as often urged by love of      
display as by a love of truth2 he is    
ungenerous1 combative1 and ungenial2 he 
is the bravo of society4  ,to some      
people a fine manner is the gift of     
nature4 ,we see a young person enter a  
room1 make himself charming1 go through 
the transition period of boy to man1    
always graceful1 and at man's estate aim
 to still possess that unconscious and  
flattering grace1 that most exquisite   
taste of politeness1 which is a gift    
from the gods4 ,he is exactly formed to 
please1 this lucky creature1 and all    
this is done for him by nature4 ,we are 
disposed to abuse ,mother ,nature when  
we think of this boy's heritage of joy  
compared with her step-son1 to whom she 
has given the burning blushes1 the      
awkward step1 the heavy                 
self-consciousness1 the uncourtly gait1 
the hesitating speech1 and the bashful  

demeanor4  ,but nothing would be omitted
 by either parent or child to cure the  
boy if he had a twisted ankle1 so       
nothing should be omitted that can1 cure
 the twist of shyness1 and therefore a  
shy young person should not be expected 
to confront such a trial4  ,and to those
 who have the bringing up of shy young  
persons we commend these excellent words
 of ,whately3 ,there are many otherwise 
sensible people who seek to cure a young
 person of that very common             
complaint--shyness--by exhorting him not
 to be shy1 telling him what an awkward 
appearance it has1 and that it prevents 
his doing himself justice1 all of which 
is manifestly pouring oil on the fire to
 quench it2 for the very cause of       
shyness is an over-anxiety as to what   
people are thinking of you1 a morbid    
attention to your own appearance4 ,the  
course1 therefore1 that ought to be     
pursued is exactly the reverse4 ,the    
sufferer should be exhorted to think as 
little as possible about himself and the

 opinion formed of him1 to be assured   
that most of the company do not trouble 
their heads about him1 and to harden him
 against any impertinent criticisms that
 he supposed to be going on1 taking care
 only to do what is right1 leaving      
others to say and to think what they    
will4  ,all this philosophy is          
excellent1 and is like the sensible     
archbishop4 ,but the presence of a set  
of carefully cultivated1 artificial     
manners1 or a hat to hold in one's hand1
 will better help the shy person when he
 is first under fire1 and when his      
senses are about deserting him1 than any
 moral maxims can be expected to do4    
,carlyle speaks of the fine manners of  
his peasant father 7which he does not   
seem to have inherited71 and he says3 ,i
 think-that they came from his having1  
early in life1 worked for ,maxwell1 of  
,keir1 a ,scotch gentleman of great     
dignity and worth1 who gave to all those
 under him a fine impression of the     
governing classes4 ,old ,carlyle had no 

shame in standing with his hat off as   
his landlord passed2 he had no truckling
 spirit either of paying court to those 
whose lot in life it was to be his      
superiors4  ,those manners of the past  
were studied2 they had1 no doubt1 much  
about them which we should now call     
stiff1 formal1 and affected1 but they   
were a great help to the awkward and the
 shy4  ,in the past our ancestors had   
the help of costume1 which we have not4 
,nothing is more defenceless than a     
being in a dress-coat1 with no pockets  
allowable in which he can put his hands4
 ,if a man is in a costume he forgets   
the sufferings of the coat and          
pantaloon4 ,he has a sense of being in a
 fortress4 ,a military man once said    
that he always fought better in his     
uniform--that a fashionably cut coat and
 an every-day hat took all heroism out  
of him4  ,women1 particularly shy ones1 
feel the effect of handsome clothes as a
 reinforcement4 ,there is an appui in a 
good gown1 said ,madame de ,stal4       

,therefore1 the awkward and the shy1 in 
attempting to conquer the manners of    
artificial society1 should dress as well
 as possible4 ,perhaps to their taste in
 dress do ,frenchmen owe much of their  
easy civility and their success in      
social politics2 and herein women are   
very much more fortunate than men1 for  
they can always ask1 ,is it becoming8   
and can add the handkerchief1 fan1 muff1
 or mantle as a refuge for trembling    
hands4 ,a man has only his pockets2 he  
does not wish to always appear with his 
hands in them4  ,taste is said to be the
 instantaneous1 ready appreciation of   
the fitness of things4 ,to most of us   
who may regret the want of it in        
ourselves1 it seems to be the instinct  
of the fortunate few4 ,some women look  
as if they had simply blossomed out of  
their inner consciousness into a        
beautiful toilet2 others are the        
creatures of chance1 and look as if     
their clothes had been hurled at them by
 a tornado4  ,some women1 otherwise good

 and true1 have a sort of moral want of 
taste1 and wear too bright colors1 too  
many glass beads1 too much hair1 and a  
combination of discordant materials     
which causes the heart of a good dresser
 to ache with anguish4 ,this want of    
taste runs across the character like an 
intellectual bar-sinister1 forcing us to
 believe that their conclusions are     
anything but legitimate4 ,people who say
 innocently things which shock you1 who 
put the listeners at a dinner-table upon
 tenter-hooks1 are either wanting in    
taste or their minds are confused with  
shyness4  ,a person thus does great     
injustice to his own moral qualities    
when he permits himself to be           
misrepresented by that disease of which 
we speak4 ,shyness perverts the speech  
more than vice even4 ,but if a man or a 
woman can look down on a well-fitting1  
becoming dress 7even if it is the barren
 and forlorn dress which men wore to    
parties in #ahhb71 it is still an appui4
 ,we know how it offends us to see a    

person in a dress which is              
inappropriate4 ,a chief-justice in the  
war-paint and feathers of an ,indian    
chief would scarcely be listened to1    
even if his utterances were those of a  
,marshall or a ,jay4  ,it takes a great 
person1 a courageous person1 to bear the
 shame of unbecoming dress2 and1 no     
doubt1 to a nature shy1 passionate1     
proud1 and poor1 the necessity of       
wearing poor or unbecoming clothes has  
been an injury for life4 ,he despised   
himself for his weakness1 but the       
weakness remained4 ,when the ,french    
,revolution came in with its            
sans-culotteism1 and republican         
simplicity found its perfect expression 
in ,thomas ,jefferson1 still1 the       
prejudices of powdered hair and stiff   
brocades remained4 ,they gradually      
disappeared1 and the man of the         
nineteenth century lost the advantages  
of becoming dress1 and began anew the   
battle of life stripped of all his      
trappings4 ,manners went with these     

flowing accessaries1 and the abrupt     
speech1 curt bow1 and rather exaggerated
 simplicity of the present day came in4 
,but it is a not unworthy study--these  
manners of the past4 ,we are returning1 
at least on the feminine side1 to a     
great and magnificent princess1 or      
queenly1 style of dress4 ,it is becoming
 the fashion to make a courtesy1 to     
flourish a fan1 to bear one's self with 
dignity when in this fine costume4      
,cannot the elegance1 the repose1 and   
the respectfulness of the past return   
also8  ,,chapter ,,liii4 ,,the ,,manners
 ,,of ,,the ,,optimist4  ,it is very    
easy to laugh at the optimist1 and to   
accuse him of poetizing the truth4 ,no  
doubt1 an optimist will see excellence1 
beauty1 and truth where pessimists see  
only degradation1 vice1 and ugliness4   
,the one hears the nightingale1 the     
other the raven only4 ,to one1 the      
sunsetting forms a magic picture2 to the
 other1 it is but a presage of bad      
weather tomorrow4 ,some people seem to  

look at nature through a glass of red   
wine or in a ,claude ,lorraine mirror2  
to them the landscape has ever the bloom
 of summer or a spring-tide grace4 ,to  
others1 it is always cloudy1 dreary1    
dull4 ,the desolate ravine1 the stony   
path1 the blighted heath--that is all   
they can find in a book which should    
have a chapter for everybody4 ,and the  
latter are apt to call the former       
dreamers1 visionaries1 fools4 ,they are 
dubbed in society often flatterers1     
people whose geese are all swans4  ,but 
are those1 then1 the fools who see only 
the pleasant side8 ,are they alone the  
visionaries who see the best rather than
 the worst8 ,it is strange that the     
critics see only weakness in the        
pleasant- spoken1 and only truth and    
safety in those who croak4  ,the person 
who sees a bright light in an eye       
otherwise considered dull1 who distrusts
 the last scandal1 is supposed to be    
foolish1 too easily pleased1 and wanting
 in that wise scepticism which should be

 the handmaid of common-sense2 and if   
such a person in telling a story        
poetizes the truth1 if it is a principle
 or a tendency to believe the best of   
everybody1 to take everybody at their   
highest note1 is she any the less canny8
 ,has she necessarily less insight8 ,as 
there are always two sides to a shield1 
why not look at the golden one8  ,an    
excess of the organ of hope has created 
people like ,colonel ,sellers in the    
play1 who deluded himself that there    
were millions in it1 who landed in      
poverty and wrecked his friends2 but    
this excess is scarcely a common one4   
,far more often does discouragement     
paralyze than does hope exalt4 ,those   
who have sunshine for themselves and to 
spare are apt to be happy and useful    
people2 they are in the aggregate the   
successful people4  ,but1 although      
good-nature is temperamental1 and       
although some men and women are1 by     
their force of imagination and charity1 
forced to poetize the truth1 the        

question remains an open one1 ,which is 
the nearest to truth1 a pessimist or an 
optimist8 ,truth is a virtue more       
palpable and less shadowy than we think2
 ,it is not easy to speak the           
unvarnished1 uncorrupted truth 7so the  
lawyers tell us74 ,the faculty of       
observation differs1 and the faculty of 
language is variable4 ,some people have 
no intellectual apprehension of the     
truth1 although they morally believe in 
it4 ,people who abstractly revere the   
truth have never been able to tell      
anything but falsehoods4 ,to such the   
power of making a statement either      
favorable or prejudicial depends upon   
the mood of the moment1 not upon fact4  
,therefore a habit of poetizing the     
truth would seem to be of either excess 
the safest4 ,society becomes sometimes a
 hot-bed of evil passions--one person   
succeeds at the expense of another4 ,how
 severe is the suffering proceeding from
 social neglect and social stabs6 ,it   
might1 much of it1 be smoothed away by  

poetizing the truth ever so little4     
,instead of bearing an ill-natured      
message1 suppose we carry an amiable    
one4 ,instead of believing that an      
insult was intended1 suppose a          
compliment4  ,should he upbraid1 ,i'll  
own that he prevail1 ,and sing more     
sweetly than the nightingale6 ,say that 
he frown1 ,i'll own his looks ,i view   
,like morning roses newly dipped in dew4
  ,people who are thus calmly serene and
 amiable through the frowns and smiles1 
the ups and downs1 of a social career   
are often called worldly4  ,well1 let us
 suppose that they are4 ,some author has
 wisely said3 ,that the world should be 
full of worldliness seems as right as   
that a stream should be full of water or
 a living body full of blood4 ,to       
conquer this world1 to get out of it a  
full1 abounding1 agreeable life1 is what
 we are put here for4 ,else1 why such   
gifts as beauty1 talent1 health1 wit1   
and a power of enjoyment be given to us8
 ,to be worldly1 or worldlings1 is      

supposed to be incurring the righteous  
anger of the good4 ,but is it not       
improperly using a term of implied      
reproach8 ,for1 although the world may  
be too much with us1 and a worldling may
 be a being not filled to the brim with 
the deeper qualities or the highest     
aims1 still he is a man necessary to the
 day1 the hour1 the sphere which must be
 supplied with people fitted to its     
needs4 ,so with a woman in society4 ,she
 must be a worldling in the best sense  
of the word4 ,she must keep up her      
corner of the great mantle of the ,field
 of the ,cloth of ,gold4 ,she must fill 
the social arena with her influence2 for
 in society she is a most important     
factor4  ,then1 as a complex overgrowth 
of wants and fruitions has covered our  
world as with a banyan-tree1 we must    
have something else to keep alive our   
umbrageous growth of art1 refinement1   
inventions1 luxuries1 and delicate      
sensibilities4 ,we must have wealth4    
,wealth is the golden essence of the    

outer world1  and therefore to be       
respected4  ,of course the pessimist    
sees purse-pride1 pompous and outrageous
 arrogance1 a cringing of the pregnant  
hinges of the knee1 false standards1 and
 a thousand faults in this admission4   
,and yet the optimist finds the very    
rich1 with but few exceptions1 amiable1 
generous1 and kindly1 often regretting  
that poorer friends will allow their    
wealth to bar them off1 wishing often   
that their opulence need not shut them  
off from the little dinners1 the homely 
hospitality1 the small gifts1 the       
sincere courtesies of those whose means 
are moderate1 ,the cheerful people who  
are not dismayed by the superior        
magnificence of a friend are very apt to
 find that friend quite as anxious for  
sympathy and for kindness as are the    
poor1 especially if his wealth has      
caused him1 almost necessarily1 to live 
upon the superficial and the external in
 life4  ,we all know that there is a    
worldly life1 poor in aim and narrow in 

radius1 which is as false as possible4  
,to live only for this world1 with its  
changing fashions1 its imperfect        
judgments1 its toleration of snobs and  
of sinners1 its forgiveness of ignorance
 under a high-sounding name1 its        
exaggeration of the transient and the   
artificial1 would be a poor life indeed4
 ,but1 if we can lift ourselves up into 
the higher comprehension of what a noble
 thing this world really is1 we may well
 aspire to be worldlings4  ,julius      
,caesar was a worldling2 so was         
,shakespeare4 ,erasmus was a worldling4 
,we might increase the list             
indefinitely4 ,these men brought the    
loftiest talents to the use of worldly  
things4 ,they showed how great conquest1
 poetry1 thought might become used for  
the world4 ,they were full of this      
world4  ,to see everything through a    
poetic vision 7the only genuine         
idealization7 is and has been the gift  
of the benefactors of our race4 ,branger
 was of the world1 worldly2 but can we  

give him up8 ,so were the great artists 
who flooded the world with              
light--,titian1 ,tintoretto1 ,correggio1
 ,raphael1 ,rubens1 ,watteau4 ,these men
 poetized the truth4 ,life was a        
brilliant drama1 a splendid picture1 a  
garden ever fresh and fair2  ,the       
optimist carries a lamp through dark1   
social obstructions4 ,i would fain bind 
up many wounds1 if ,i could be assured  
that neither by stupidity nor by malice 
,i need make one6 is her motto1 the true
 optimist4  ,it is a fine allegory upon 
the implied power of society that the   
poet ,marvell used when he said he would
 not drink wine with any one to whom he 
could not trust his life4  ,titian      
painted his women with all their best   
points visible4 ,there was a careful    
shadow or drapery which hid the defects 
which none of us are without2 but       
defects to the eye of the optimist make 
beauty more attractive by contrast2 in a
 portrait they may better be hid        
perhaps4  ,to poetize the truth in the  

science of charity and forgiveness can  
never be a great sin4 ,if it is one1 the
 recording angel will probably drop a   
tear4 ,this tendency to optimism is1 we 
think1 more like that magic wand which  
the great idealist waved over a troubled
 sea1 or like those sudden sunsets after
 a storm1 which not only control the    
wave1 but gild the leaden mass with     
crimson and unexpected gold1 whose      
brightness may reach some storm-driven  
sail1 giving it the light of hope1      
bringing the ship to a well-defined and 
hospitable shore1 and regulating1 with a
 new attraction1 the lately distracted  
compass4 ,therefore1 we do not hesitate 
to say that the philosophy1 and the     
creed1 and the manners of the optimist  
are good for society4 ,however1 his     
excellence may well be criticised2 it   
may even sometimes take its place amid  
those excesses which are catalogued as  
amid the deformities of exaggerated     
virtues4 ,we may be too good1 some of   
us1 in one single direction4  ,but the  

rounded and harmonious ,greek calm is   
hard to find4 ,for repose and serenity  
of mind1 says a modern author1 we must  
go back to the ,greek temple and statue1
 the ,greek epic and drama1 the ,greek  
oration and moral treatise2 and modern  
education will never become truly       
effectual till it brings more minds into
 happy contact with the ideal of a      
balanced1 harmonious development of all 
the powers of mind1 body1 conscience1   
and heart4  ,and who was a greater      
optimist than your ,athenian8 ,he had a 
passionate love of nature1 a rapt and   
infinite adoration of beauty1 and he    
diffused the splendid radiance of his   
genius in making life more attractive   
and the grave less gloomy4 ,perhaps we  
of a brighter faith and a more certain  
revelation may borrow something from    
this heathen ,greek4  ,,chapter ,,liv4  
,,the ,,manners ,,of ,,the              
,,sympathetic4  ,sympathy is the most   
delicate tendril of the mind1 and the   
most fascinating gift which nature can  

give to us4 ,the most precious          
associations of the human heart cluster 
around the word1 and we love to remember
 those who have sorrowed with us in     
sorrow1 and rejoiced with us when we    
were glad4 ,but for the awkward and the 
shy1 the sympathetic are the very worst 
company4 ,they do not wish to be        
sympathized with--they wish to be with  
people who are cold and indifferent2    
they like shy people like themselves4   
,put two shy people in a room together1 
and they begin to talk with unaccustomed
 glibness4 ,a shy woman always attracts 
a shy man4 ,but women who are gifted    
with that rapid1 gay impressionability  
which puts them en rapport with their   
surroundings1 who have fancy and an     
excitable disposition1 a quick          
susceptibility to the influences around 
them1 are very charming in general      
society1 but they are terrible to the   
awkward and the shy4 ,they sympathize   
too much1 they are too aware of that    
burning shame which the sufferer desires

 to conceal4  ,the moment that a shy    
person sees before him a perfectly      
unsympathetic person1 one who is neither
 thinking nor caring for him1 his       
shyness begins to flee2 the moment that 
he recognizes a fellow-sufferer he      
begins to feel a reinforcement of       
energy4 ,if he be a lover1 especially1  
the almost certain embarrassment of the 
lady inspires him with hope and with    
renewed courage4 ,a woman who has a     
bashful lover1 even if she is afflicted 
with shyness1 has been known to find a  
way to help the poor fellow out of his  
dilemma more than once4 ,hawthorne1 who 
has left us the most complete and most  
tragic history of shyness which belongs 
to that long rosary on which the blushes
 of a life are strung1 found a woman    
7the most perfect character1 apparently1
 who ever married and made happy a great
 genius7 who1 fortunately for him1 was  
shy naturally1 although without that    
morbid shyness which accompanied him    
through life4 ,those who knew ,mrs4     

,hawthorne later found her possessed of 
great fascination of manner1 even in    
general society1 where ,hawthorne was   
quite impenetrable4 ,the story of his   
running down to the ,concord ,river and 
taking boat to escape his visitors has  
been long familiar to us all4 ,mrs4     
,hawthorne1 no doubt1 with a woman's    
tact and a woman's generosity1 overcame 
her own shyness in order to receive     
those guests whom ,hawthorne ran away   
from1 and through life remained his     
better angel4 ,it was through this      
absence of expressed sympathy that      
,english people became very agreeable to
 ,hawthorne4 ,he describes1 in his ,note
 ,book1 a speech made by him at a dinner
 in ,england3 ,when ,i was called upon1 
he says1 ,i rapped my head1 and it      
returned a hollow sound4  ,he had1      
however1 been sitting next to a shy     
,english lawyer1 a man who won upon him 
by his quiet1 unobtrusive simplicity1   
and who1 in some well-chosen words1     
rather made light of dinner-speaking and

 its terrors4 ,when ,hawthorne finally  
got up and made his speech1 his voice1  
meantime1 having a far-off and remote   
echo1 and when1 as we learn from others1
 a burst of applause greeted the few    
well-chosen words drawn up from that    
full well of thought1 that pellucid rill
 of ,english undefiled1 the unobtrusive 
gentleman by his side applauded1 and    
said to him1 ,it was handsomely done4   
,the compliment pleased the shy man4 ,it
 is the only compliment to himself which
 ,hawthorne ever recorded4  ,now1 had   
,hawthorne been congratulated by a      
sympathetic1 effusive ,american who had 
clapped him on the back1 and who had    
said1 ,oh1 never fear--you will speak   
well6 he would have said nothing4 ,the  
shy sprite in his own eyes would have   
read in his neighbor's eyes the dreadful
 truth that his sympathetic neighbor    
would have indubitably betrayed--a fear 
that he would not do well4 ,the         
phlegmatic and stony ,englishman neither
 felt nor cared whether ,hawthorne spoke

 well or ill2 and1 although pleased that
 he did speak well1 invested no         
particular sympathy in the matter1      
either for or against1 and so spared    
,hawthorne's shyness the last bitter    
drop in the cup1 which would have been a
 recognition of his own moral dread4    
,hawthorne bitterly records his own     
sufferings4 ,he says1 in one of his     
books1 ,at this time ,i acquired this   
accursed habit of solitude4 ,it has been
 said that the ,hawthorne family were1  
in the earlier generation1 afflicted    
with shyness almost as a disease--      
certainly a curious freak of nature in a
 family descended from robust           
sea-captains4 ,it only goes to prove how
 far away are the influences which      
control our natures and our actions4    
,whether1 if ,hawthorne had not been a  
shy man1 afflicted with a sort of horror
 of his species at times1 always averse 
to letting himself go1 miserable and    
morbid1 we should have been the         
inheritors of the great fortune which he

 has left us1 is not for us to decide4  
,whether we should have owned ,the      
,gentle ,boy1 the immortal ,scarlet     
,letter1 ,the ,house with ,seven        
,gables1 the ,marble ,faun1 and all the 
other wonderful things which grew out of
 that secluded and gifted nature1 had he
 been born a cheerful1 popular1 and     
sympathetic boy1 with a dancing-school  
manner1 instead of an awkward and shy   
youth 7although an exceedingly handsome 
one71 we cannot tell4 ,that is the great
 secret behind the veil4 ,the answer is 
not yet made1 the oracle has not spoken1
 and we must not invade the penumbra of 
genius4  ,it has always been a comfort  
to the awkward and the shy that         
,washington could not make an           
after-dinner speech2 and the well-known 
anecdote--,sit down1 ,mr4 ,washington1  
your modesty is even greater than your  
valor --must have consoled many a       
voiceless hero4 ,washington ,irving     
tried to welcome ,dickens1 but failed in
 the attempt1 while ,dickens was as     

voluble as he was gifted4 ,probably the 
very surroundings of sympathetic        
admirers unnerved both ,washington and  
,irving1 although there are some men who
 can never speak on their legs1 as the  
saying goes1 in any society4  ,other shy
 men--men who fear general society1 and 
show embarrassment in the every-day     
surroundings--are eloquent when they get
 on their feet4 ,many a shy boy at      
college has astonished his friends by   
his ability in an after-dinner speech4  
,many a voluble1 glib boy1 who has been 
appointed the orator of the occasion1   
fails utterly1 disappoints public       
expectation1 and sits down with an      
uncomfortable mantle of failure upon his
 shoulders4 ,therefore1 the ways of     
shyness are inscrutable4 ,many a woman  
who has never known what it was to be   
bashful or shy has1 when called upon to 
read a copy of verses1 even to a circle 
of intimate friends1 lost her voice1 and
 has utterly broken down1 to her own and
 her friends' great astonishment4  ,the 

voice is a treacherous servant2 it      
deserts us1 trembles1 makes a failure of
 it1 is not present or accounted for    
often when we need its help4 ,it is not 
alone in the shriek of the hysterical   
that we learn of its lawlessness1 it is 
in its complete retirement4 ,a bride1   
often1 even when she felt no other      
embarrassment1 has found that she had no
 voice with which to make her responses4
 ,it simply was not there6  ,a lady who 
was presented at court1 and who felt--as
 she described herself--wonderfully at  
her ease1 began talking1 and1 without   
wishing to speak loud1 discovered that  
she was shouting like a trumpeter4 ,the 
somewhat unusual strain which she had   
put upon herself1 during the ordeal of  
being presented at the ,english court1  
revenged itself by an outpouring of     
voice which she could not control4      
,many shy people have recognized in     
themselves this curious and unconscious 
elevation of the voice4 ,it is not so   
common as a loss of voice1 but it is    

quite as uncontrollable4  ,the bronchial
 tubes play us another trick when we are
 frightened3 the voice is the voice of  
somebody else1 it has no resemblance to 
our own4 ,ventriloquism might well study
 the phenomena of shyness1 for the voice
 becomes bass that was treble1 and      
soprano that which was contralto4  ,i   
dislike to have ,wilthorpe come to see  
me1 said a very shy woman --,i know my  
voice will squeak so4 ,with her         
,wilthorpe1 who for some reason drove   
her into an agony of shyness1 had the   
effect of making her talk in a high1    
unnatural strain1 excessively fatiguing4
  ,the presence of one's own family1 who
 are naturally painfully sympathetic1   
has always had upon the bashful and the 
shy a most evil effect4  ,i can never   
plead a cause before my father8 ,nor ,i 
before my son1 said two distinguished   
lawyers4 ,if mamma is in the room1 ,i   
shall never be able to get through my   
part1 said a young amateur actor4  ,but 
here we must pause to note another      

exception in the laws of shyness4  ,in  
the false perspective of the stage      
shyness often disappears4 ,the shy man1 
speaking the words1 and assuming the    
character of another1 often loses his   
shyness4 ,it is himself of whom he is   
afraid1 not of ,tony ,lumpkin or of     
,charles ,surface1 of ,hamlet or of     
,claude ,melnotte4 ,behind their masks  
he can speak well2 but if he at his own 
dinner- table essays to speak1 and mamma
 watches him with sympathetic eyes1 and 
his brothers and sisters are all        
listening1 he fails4  ,lord ,percy sees 
me fall4  ,yet it is with our own people
 that we must stand or fall1 live or    
die2 it is in our own circle that we    
must conquer our shyness4  ,now1 these  
reflections are not intended as an      
argument against sympathy properly      
expressed4 ,a reasonable and judiciously
 expressed sympathy with our            
fellow-beings is the very highest       
attribute of our nature4 ,it unravels   
secrets more surely than the highest    

critical faculty4 ,analysis of motives  
that sway men and women is like the     
knife of the anatomist3 it works on the 
dead4 ,unite sympathy to observation1   
and the dead ,spring to life4 ,it is    
thus to the shy1 in their moments of    
tremor1 that we should endeavor to be   
calmly unsympathetic2 not cruel1 but    
indifferent1 unobservant4  ,now1 women  
of genius who obtain a reflected        
comprehension of certain aspects of life
 through sympathy often arrive at the   
admirable result of apprehending the    
sufferings of the shy without seeming to
 observe them4 ,such a woman1 in talking
 to a shy man1 will not seem to see him2
 she will prattle on about herself1 or  
tell some funny anecdote of how she was 
tumbled out into the snow1 or how she   
spilled her glass of claret at dinner1  
or how she got just too late to the     
lecture2 and while she is thus absorbed 
in her little improvised autobiography1 
the shy man gets hold of himself and    
ceases to be afraid of her4 ,this is the

 secret of tact4  ,madame ,rcamier1 the 
famous beauty1 was always somewhat shy4 
,she was not a wit1 but she possessed   
the gift of drawing out what was best in
 others4 ,her biographers have blamed   
her that she had not a more             
impressionable temper1 that she was not 
more sympathetic4 ,perhaps 7in spite of 
her courage when she took up            
contributions in the churches dressed as
 a ,neo-,greek7 she was always hampered 
by shyness4 ,she certainly attracted all
 the best and most gifted of her time1  
and had a noble fearlessness in         
friendship1 and a constancy which she   
showed by following ,madame de ,stal    
into exile1 and in her devotion to      
,ballenche and ,chateaubriand4 ,she had 
the genius of friendship1 a native      
sincerity1 a certain reality of         
nature--those fine qualities which so   
often accompany the shy that we almost1 
as we read biography and history1 begin 
to think that shyness is but a veil for 
all the virtues4  ,perhaps to this      

shyness1 or to this hidden sympathy1 did
 ,madame ,rcamier owe that power over   
all men which survived her wonderful    
beauty4 ,the blind and poor old woman of
 the ,abbaye had not lost her charm2 the
 most eminent men and women of her day  
followed her there1 and enjoyed her     
quiet 7not very eloquent7 conversation4 
,she had a wholesome heart2 it kept her 
from folly when she was young1 from a   
too over-facile sensitiveness to which  
an impressionable1 sympathetic          
temperament would have betrayed her4    
,her firm1 sweet nature was not flurried
 by excitement2 she had a steadfastness 
in her social relations which has left  
behind an everlasting renown to her     
name4  ,and what are1 after all1 these  
social relations which call for so much 
courage1 and which can create so much   
suffering to most of us as we conquer   
for them our awkwardness and our        
shyness8 ,let us pause for a moment1 and
 try to be just4 ,let us contemplate    
these social ethics1 which call for so  

much that is1 perhaps1 artificial and   
troublesome and contradictory4 ,society1
 so long as it is the congregation of   
the good1 the witty1 the bright1 the    
intelligent1 and the gifted1 is the     
thing most necessary to us all4 ,we are 
apt to like it and its excitements      
almost too well1 or to hate it1 with its
 excesses and its mistakes1 too         
bitterly4 ,we are rarely just to        
society4  ,the rounded and harmonious   
and temperate understanding and use of  
society is1 however1 the very end and   
aim of education4 ,we are born to live  
with each other and not for ourselves2  
if we are cheerful1 our cheerfulness was
 given to us to make bright the lives of
 those about us2 if we have genius1 that
 is a sacred trust2 if we have beauty1  
wit1 joyousness1 it was given us for the
 delectation of others1 not for         
ourselves2 if we are awkward and shy1 we
 are bound to break the crust and to    
show that within us is beauty1          
cheerfulness1 and wit4 ,it is but the   

fool who loves excess4 ,the best human  
being should moderately like society4   
,,chapter ,,lv4 ,,certain ,,questions   
,,answered4  ,we are asked by a         
correspondent as to when a gentleman    
should wear his hat and when take it    
off4 ,a gentleman wears his hat in the  
street1 on a steamboat deck1 raising it 
to a lady acquaintance2 also in a       
promenade concert-room and              
picture-gallery4 ,he never wears it in a
 theatre or opera-house1 and seldom in  
the parlors of a hotel4 ,the etiquette  
of raising the hat on the staircases and
 in the halls of a hotel as gentlemen   
pass ladies is much commended4 ,in      
,europe each man raises his hat as he   
passes a bier1 or if a hearse carrying a
 dead body passes him4 ,in this country 
men simply raise their hats as a funeral
 cortge passes into a church1 or at the 
grave4 ,if a gentleman1 particularly an 
elderly one1 takes off his hat and      
stands uncovered in a draughty place1 as
 the foyer of an opera-house1 while     

talking to ladies1 it is proper for one 
of them to say1 ,pray resume your hat   
--a delicate attention deeply prized by 
a respectful man1 who1 perhaps1 would   
not otherwise cover his head4  ,again1  
our young lady friends ask us many      
questions on the subject of propriety1  
showing how anxious they are to do      
right1 but also proving how far they are
 from apprehending what in ,old-,world  
customs has been always considered      
propriety4 ,in our new country the      
relations of men and women are          
necessarily simple4 ,the whole business 
of etiquette is1 of course1 reduced to  
each one's sense of propriety1 and the  
standard must be changed as the         
circumstances demand4 ,as1 for instance1
 a lady writes to know if she should    
thank a gentleman for paying for her on 
an excursion4 ,now this involves a long 
answer4 ,in ,europe no young lady could 
accept an invitation to go as the guest 
of a young gentleman on an excursion1   
and allow him to pay for her1 without   

losing much reputation4 ,she would not  
in either ,england or ,france be        
received in society again4 ,she should  
be invited by the gentleman through her 
father or mother1 and one or both should
 accompany an her4 ,even then it is not 
customary for gentlemen to invite ladies
 to go on an excursion4 ,he could invite
 the lady's mother to chaperon a theatre
 party which he had paid for4  ,another 
young lady asks if she could with       
propriety buy the tickets and take a    
young gentleman to the theatre4 ,of     
course she could1 if her mother or      
chaperon would go with her2 but even    
then the mother or chaperon should write
 the note of invitation4  ,but in our   
free country it is1 we hear1            
particularly in the ,west1 allowable for
 a young lady and gentleman to go off   
on1 an excursion together1 the gentleman
 paying all the expenses4 ,if that is   
allowed1 then1 of course--to answer our 
correspondent's question she should     
thank him4 ,but if we were to answer the

 young lady's later question1 ,would    
this be considered etiquette8 we should 
say1 decidedly1 ,no4  ,another question 
which we are perpetually asked is this3 
,how to allow a gentleman a proper      
degree of friendly intimacy without     
allowing him to think himself too much  
of a favorite4 ,here we cannot bring in 
either etiquette or custom to decide4   
,one very general law would be not to   
accept too many attentions1 to show a   
certain reserve in dancing with him or  
driving with him4 ,it is always proper  
for a gentleman to take a young lady out
 to drive in his dog-cart with his      
servant behind1 if her parents approve2 
but if it is done very often1 of course 
it looks conspicuous1 and the lady runs 
the risk of being considered engaged4   
,and she knows1 of course1 whether her  
looks and words give him reason to think
 that he is a favorite4 ,she must decide
 all that herself4  ,another writes to  
ask us if she should take a gentleman's 
hat and coat when he calls4 ,never4 ,let

 him take care of those4 ,christianity  
and chivalry1 modern and ancient custom1
 make a man the servant of women4 ,the  
old form of salutation used by ,sir     
,walter ,raleigh and other courtiers was
 always1 ,your servant1 madam1 and it is
 the prettiest and most admirable way   
for a man to address a woman in any     
language4  ,another asks if she should  
introduce a gentleman who calls to her  
mother4 ,this1 we should say1 would     
answer itself did not the question      
re-appear4 ,of course she should2 and   
her mother should always sit with her   
when she is receiving a call from a     
gentleman4  ,but if in our lesser       
fashionable circles the restrictions of 
etiquette are relaxed1 let a young lady 
always remember these general           
principles1 that men will like and      
respect her far better if she is        
extremely particular about allowing them
 to pay for her1 if she refuses two     
invitations out of three1 if she is     
dignified and reserved rather than if   

she is the reverse4  ,at ,newport it is 
now the fashion for young ladies to     
drive young men out in their            
pony-phaetons with a groom behind1 or   
even without a groom2 but a gentleman   
never takes out a lady in his own       
carriage without a servant4  ,gentlemen 
and ladies walk together in the daytime 
unattended1 but if they ride on         
horseback a groom is always in          
attendance on the lady4 ,in rural       
neighborhoods where there are no grooms1
 and where a young lady and gentleman go
 off for a drive unattended1 they have  
thrown ,old-,world etiquette out of the 
window1 and must make a new etiquette of
 their own4 ,propriety1 mutual respect1 
and ,american chivalry have done for    
women what all the surveillance of      
,spanish duennas and of ,french         
etiquette has done for the young girl of
 ,europe4 ,if a woman is a worker1 an   
artist1 a student1 or an author1 she can
 walk the ,quartier ,latin of ,paris    
unharmed4  ,but she has in work an armor

 of proof4 ,this is not etiquette when  
she comes into the world of fashion4    
,she must observe etiquette1 as she     
would do the laws of ,prussia or of     
,england1 if she stands on foreign      
shores4  ,perhaps we can illustrate     
this4 ,given a pretty young girl who    
shall arrive on the steamer ,germania   
after being several years at school in  
,paris1 another who comes in by rail    
from ,kansas1 another from some quiet1  
remote part of ,georgia1 and leave them 
all at the ,new ,york ,hotel for a      
winter4 ,let us imagine them all        
introduced at a ,new ,york ball to three
 gentlemen1 who shall call on them the  
next day4 ,if the girl educated in      
,paris1 sitting by her mamma1 hears the 
others talk to the young men she will be
 shocked4 ,the girls who have been      
brought up far from the centres of      
etiquette seem to her to have no        
modesty1 no propriety4 ,they accept     
invitations from the young men to go to 
the theatre alone1 to take drives1 and  

perhaps1 as we have said1 to go on an   
excursion4  ,to the ,french girl this   
seems to be a violation of propriety2   
but later on she accepts an invitation  
to go out on a coach1 with perhaps ten  
or twelve others1 and with a very young 
chaperon4 ,the party does not return    
until twelve at night1 and as they walk 
through the corridors to a late supper  
the young ,western girl meets them1 and 
sees that the young men are already the 
worse for wine3 she is apt to say1 ,what
 a rowdy crowd6 and to think that1 after
 all1 etiquette permits its own sins1 in
 which she is right4  ,in a general     
statement it may be as well to say that 
a severe etiquette would prevent a young
 lady from receiving gifts from a young 
man1 except bonbonnieres and bouquets4  
,it is not considered proper for him to 
offer her clothing of any sort--as      
gowns1 bonnets1 shawls1 or shoes--even  
if he is engaged to her4 ,she may use   
her discretion about accepting a        
camel's-hair shawl from a man old enough

 to be her father1 but she should never 
receive jewellery from any one but a    
relative or her fianc just before       
marriage4 ,the reason for this is       
obvious4 ,it has been abused--the       
privilege which all men desire1 that of 
decking women with finery4  ,a young    
lady should not write letters to young  
men1 or send them presents1 or take the 
initiative in any way4 ,a friendly      
correspondence is very proper if the    
mother approves1 but even this has its  
dangers4 ,let a young lady always       
remember that she is to the young man an
 angel to reverence until she lessens   
the distance between them and           
extinguishes respect4  ,young women     
often write to us as to whether it is   
proper for them to write letters of     
condolence or congratulation to ladies  
older than themselves4 ,we should say1  
,yes4 ,the respect of young girls is    
always felt gratefully by older ladies4 
,the manners of the present are vastly  
to be objected to on account of a lack  

of respect4 ,the rather bitter ,mr4     
,carlyle wrote satirically of the       
manners of young ladies4 ,he even had   
his fling at their laugh3 ,few are able 
to laugh what can be called laughing1   
but only sniff and titter from the      
throat outward1 or at best produce some 
whiffling husky cachinnations as if they
 were laughing through wool4 ,of none   
such comes good4 ,a young lady must not 
speak too loud or be too boisterous2 she
 must even tone down her wit1 lest she  
be misunderstood4 ,but she need not be  
dull1 or grumpy1 or ill-tempered1 or    
careless of her manners1 particularly to
 her mother's old friends4 ,she must not
 talk slang1 or be in any way masculine2
 if she is1 she loses the battle4 ,a    
young lady is sometimes called upon to  
be a hostess if her mother is dead4     
,here her liberty becomes greater1 but  
she should always have an aunt or some  
elderly friend by her side to play      
chaperon4  ,a young lady may do any     
manual labor without losing caste4 ,she 

may be a good cook1 a fine laundress1 a 
carver of wood1 a painter1 a sculptor1  
an embroideress1 a writer1 a physician1 
and she will be eligible1 if her manners
 are good1 to the best society anywhere4
 ,but if she outrage the laws of        
good-breeding in the place where she is1
 she cannot expect to take her place in 
society4 ,should she be seen at ,newport
 driving two gentlemen in her           
pony-phaeton1 or should she and another 
young woman take a gentleman between    
them and drive down ,bellevue ,avenue1  
she would be tabooed4 ,it would not be a
 wicked act1 but it would not look well2
 it would not be convenable4 ,if she    
dresses loudly1 with peculiar hats and a
 suspicious complexion1 she must take   
the consequences4 ,she must be careful  
7if she is unknown7 not to attempt to   
copy the follies of well-known          
fashionable women4 ,what will be        
forgiven to ,mrs4 ,well ,known ,uptown  
will never be forgiven to ,miss ,kansas4
 ,society in this respect is very       

unjust--the world is always unjust--but 
that is a part of the truth of etiquette
 which is to be remembered2 it is       
founded on the accidental conditions of 
society1 having for its background1     
however1 the eternal principles of      
kindness1 politeness1 and the greatest  
good of society4  ,a young lady who is  
very prominent in society should not    
make herself too common2 she should not 
appear in too many charades1 private    
theatricals1 tableaux1 etc4 ,she should 
think of the violet by the mossy stone4 
,she must1 also1 at a watering-place    
remember that every act of hers is being
 criticised by a set of lookers-on who  
are not all friendly1 and she must1 ere 
she allow herself to be too much of a   
belle1 remember to silence envious      
tongues4  ,,chapter ,,lvi4 ,,english    
,,table ,,manners ,,and ,,social        
,,usages4  ,in no respect can ,american 
and ,english etiquette be contrasted    
more fully than in the matter of the    
every-day dinner1 which in ,america     

finds a lady in a plain silk dress1     
high-necked and long-sleeved1 but at    
which the ,english lady always appears  
in a semi-grand toilette1 with open     
,pompadour corsage and elbow sleeves1 if
 not in low-necked1 full-dress attire2  
while her daughters are uniformly       
sleeveless1 and generally in white      
dresses1 often low-necked in depth of   
winter4 ,at dinner all the men are in   
evening dress1 even if there is no one  
present at the time but the family4     
,the dinner is not so good as the       
ordinary ,american dinner1 except in the
 matter of fish1 which is universally   
very fine4 ,the vegetables are few and  
poor1 and the sweets1 as they call      
dessert1 are very bad4 ,a gooseberry    
tart is all that is offered to one at an
 ordinary dinner1 although fine         
strawberries and a pine are often       
brought in afterwards4 ,the dinner is   
always served with much state1 and      
afterwards the ladies all combine to    
amuse the guests by their talents4      

,there is no false shame in ,england    
about singing and playing the piano4    
,even poor performers do their best1 and
 contribute very much to the pleasure of
 the company4 ,at the table people do   
not talk much1 nor do they gesticulate  
as ,americans do4 ,they eat very        
quietly1 and speak in low tones4 ,no    
matters of family history or religion or
 political differences are discussed    
before the servants4 ,talking with the  
mouth full is considered an unpardonable
 vulgarity4 ,all small preferences for  
any particular dish are kept in the     
background4 ,no hostess ever apologizes1
 or appears to hear or see anything     
disagreeable4 ,if the omelette souffle  
is a failure1 she does not observe it2  
the servant offers and withdraws it1 nor
 is any one disturbed thereby4 ,as soon 
as one is helped he must begin to eat1  
not waiting for any one else4 ,if the   
viand is too hot or too cold1 or is not 
what the visitor likes1 he pretends to  
eat it1 playing with knife and fork4    

,no guest ever passes a plate or helps  
to anything2 the servant does all that4 
,soup is taken from the side of the     
spoon noiselessly4 ,soup and fish are   
not partaken of a second time4 ,if there
 is a joint1 and the master carves1 it  
is proper1 however1 to ask for a second 
cut4 ,bread is passed by the servants1  
and must be broken1 not cut1 afterwards4
 ,it is considered gauche to be         
undecided as to whether you will take   
clear soup or thick soup2 decide        
quickly4 ,in refusing wine1 simply say1 
,thanks2 the servant knows then that you
 do not take any4  ,the servants retire 
after handing the dessert1 and a few    
minutes' free conversation is allowed4  
,then the lady of the house gives the   
signal for rising4 ,toasts and taking   
wine with people are entirely out of    
fashion2 nor do the gentlemen remain    
long in the dining-room4  ,at the       
,english dinner-table1 from the plainest
 to the highest1 there is etiquette1    
manner1 fine service1 and everything    

that ,englishmen enjoy4 ,the wit1 the   
courtier1 the beauty1 and the poet aim  
at appearing well at dinner4 ,the       
pleasures of the table1 says ,savarin1  
bring neither enchantment1 ecstasy1 nor 
transports1 but they gain in duration   
what they lose in intensity2 they       
incline us favorably towards all other  
pleasures--at least help to console us  
for the loss of them4  ,at very few     
houses1 even that of a duke1 does one   
see so elegant a table and such a       
profusion of flowers as at every        
millionaire's table in ,new ,york2 but  
one does see superb old family silver   
and the most beautiful table-linen even 
at a very plain abode4 ,the table is    
almost uniformly lighted with wax       
candles4 ,hot coffee is served          
immediately after dinner in the         
drawing-room4 ,plum-pudding1 a sweet    
omelet1 or a very rich plum-tart is     
often served in the middle of dinner1   
before the game4 ,the salad always comes
 last1 with the cheese4 ,this is utterly

 unlike our ,american etiquette4  ,tea  
is served in ,english country-houses    
four or five times a day4 ,it is always 
brought to your bedside before rising2  
it is poured at breakfast and at lunch2 
it is a necessary of life at five       
o'clock2 it is drunk just before going  
to bed4 ,probably the cold1 damp climate
 has much to do with this2 and the tea  
is never very strong1 but is excellent1 
being always freshly drawn1 not steeped1
 and is most refreshing4  ,servants make
 the round of the table in pairs1       
offering the condiments1 the sauces1 the
 vegetables1 and the wines4 ,the common-
 sense of the ,english nation breaks out
 in their dinners4 ,nothing is offered  
out of season4 ,to make too great a     
display of wealth is considered         
bourgeois and vulgar to a degree4 ,a    
choice but not oversumptuous dinner     
meets you in the best houses4 ,but to   
sit down to the plainest dinners1 as we 
do1 in plain clothes1 would never be    
permitted4 ,even ladies in deep mourning

 are expected to make some slight change
 at dinner4  ,iced drinks are never     
offered in ,england1 nor in truth are   
they needed4  ,in ,england no one speaks
 of sherry wine1 port wine2 champagne   
wine1 he always says sherry1 port1      
claret1 etc4 ,but in ,france one always 
says vin de ,champagne1 vin de          
,bordeaux1 etc4 ,it goes to show that   
what is proper in one country is vulgar 
in another4  ,it is still considered    
proper for the man of the house to know 
how to carve1 and at breakfast and lunch
 the gentlemen present always cut the   
cold beef1 the fowl1 the pressed veal   
and the tongue4 ,at a country-house     
dinner the lady often helps the soup    
herself4 ,even at very quiet dinners a  
menu is written out by the hostess and  
placed at each plate4 ,the ceremony of  
the first lady being taken in first and 
allowed to go out first is always       
observed at even a family dinner4 ,no   
one apologizes for any accident1 such as
 overturning a glass of claret1 or      

dropping a spoon1 or even breaking a    
glass4 ,it is passed over in silence4   
,no ,english lady ever reproves her     
servants at table1 nor even before her  
husband and children4 ,her duty at table
 is to appear serene and unruffled4 ,she
 puts her guests at their ease by       
appearing at ease herself4 ,in this     
respect ,english hostesses are far ahead
 of ,american ones4  ,in the matter of  
public holidays and of their amusements 
the ,english people behave very unlike  
,american people4 ,if there is a week of
 holidays1 as at ,whitsuntide1 all the  
laboring classes go out of town and     
spend the day in the parks1 the woods1  
or the country4 ,by this we mean        
shop-girls1 clerks in banks1 lawyer's   
clerks1 young artists1 and physicians1  
all1 in fact1 who make their bread by   
the sweat of their brows4 ,as for the   
privileged classes1 they go from ,london
 to their estates1 put on plain clothes1
 and fish or bunt1 or the ladies go into
 the woods to pick wild-flowers4 ,the   

real love of nature1 which is so        
honorable a part of the ,english        
character1 breaks out in great and      
small4 ,in ,america a holiday is a day  
when people dress in their best1 and    
either walk the streets of a great city1
 or else take drives1 or go to museums  
or theatres1 or do something which      
smacks of civilization4 ,how few put on 
their plain clothes and stout shoes and 
go into the woods6 ,how much better it  
would be for them if they did6  ,at     
,whitsuntide the shop-girls of          
,london--a hard worked class--go down to
 ,epping ,forest1 or to ,hampton ,court1
 or to ,windsor1 with their basket of   
lunch1 and everywhere one sees the sign 
,hot ,water for ,tea1 which means that  
they go into the humble inn and pay a   
penny for the use of the teapot and cup 
and the hot water1 bringing their own   
tea and sugar4 ,the economy which is a  
part of every ,englishman's religion    
could well be copied in ,america4 ,even 
a duchess tries to save money1 saying   

wisely that it is better to give it away
 in charity than to waste it4  ,an      
unpleasant feature of ,english life is1 
however1 the open palm1 every one being 
willing to take a fee1 from a penny up  
to a shilling1 for the smallest service4
 ,the etiquette of giving has to be     
learned4 ,a shilling is1 however1 as    
good as a guinea for ordinary use2 no   
one but an ,american gives more4  ,the  
carriage etiquette differs from ours1 as
 the gentleman of the family rides      
beside his wife1 allowing his daughters 
to ride backwards4 ,he also smokes in   
the ,park in the company of ladies1     
which looks boorish4 ,however1 no       
gentleman sits beside a lady in driving 
unless he is her husband1 father1 son1  
or brother4 ,not even an affianced lover
 is permitted this seat4  ,it must be   
confessed that the groups in ,hyde ,park
 and in ,rotten ,row and about the      
,serpentine have a solemn look1 the     
people in the carriages rarely chatting1
 but sitting up in state to be looked   

at1 the people in chairs gravely staring
 at the others4 ,none but the people on 
horseback seem at their ease2 they chat 
as they ride1 and1 all faultlessly      
caparisoned as they are1 with           
well-groomed horses1 and servants       
behind1 they seem gay and jolly4 ,in    
,america it is the equestrian who always
 looks preoccupied and solemn1 and as if
 the horse were quite enough to manage4 
,the footmen are generally powdered and 
very neatly dressed in livery1 in the   
swell carriages1 but the coachmen are   
not so highly gotten up as formerly4    
,occasionally one sees a very grand fat 
old coachman in wig and knee- breeches1 
but ,jeames ,yellowplush is growing a   
thing of the past even in ,london4  ,a  
lady does not walk alone in the ,park4  
,she may walk alone to church1 or to do 
her shopping1 but even this is not      
common4 ,she had better take a hansom1  
it now being proper for ladies to go out
 to dinner alone in full dress in one of
 these singularly open and              

exposed-looking carriages4 ,it is not an
 uncommon sight to see a lady in a      
diamond tiara in a ,london hansom by the
 blazing light of a summer sun4 ,thus   
what we should shun as a very public    
thing the reserved ,english woman does  
in crowded ,london1 and regards it as   
proper1 while she smiles if she sees an 
,american lady alone in a victoria in   
,hyde ,park1 and would consider her a   
very improper person if she asked a     
gentleman to drive out with her--as we  
do in our ,park every day of our        
lives--in an open carriage4 ,truly      
etiquette is a curious and arbitrary    
thing1 and differs in every country4    
,in ,france1 where they consider        
,english people frightfully gauche1 all 
this etiquette is reversed1 and is very 
much more like ours in ,america4 ,a     
,frenchman always takes off his hat on  
entering or leaving a railway carriage  
if ladies are in it4 ,an ,englishman    
never takes his hat off unless the      
,princess of ,wales is passing1 or he   

meets an acquaintance4 ,he sits with it 
on in the ,house of ,commons1 in the    
reading-room of a hotel1 at his club1   
where it is his privilege to sulk2 but  
in his own house he is the most charming
 of hosts4 ,the rudest and almost the   
most unkind persons in the world1 if you
 meet them without a letter or an       
introduction in a public place1 the     
,english become in their own houses the 
most gentle1 lovely1 and polite of all  
people4 ,if the ladies meet in a        
friend's parlor1 there is none of that  
snobbish rudeness which is the fashion  
in ,america1 where one lady treats      
another as if she were afraid of        
contamination1 and will not speak to    
her4 ,the lady-in-waiting to ,queen     
,victoria1 the duchess1 is not afraid of
 her nobility2 her friend's roof is an  
introduction2 she speaks4  ,there is a  
great sense of the value of a note4 ,if 
a lady writes a pretty note expressing  
thanks for civilities offered to her1   
all the family call on her and thank her

 for her politeness4 ,it is to be feared
 that in this latter piece of           
good-breeding we are behind our ,english
 cousins4 ,the ,english call immediately
 after a party1 an invitation1 or a     
letter of introduction4 ,an elegant and 
easy epistolary style is of great use in
 ,england2 and indeed a lady is expected
 even to write to an artist asking      
permission to call and see his          
pictures--a thing rarely thought of in  
,america4  ,,chapter ,,lvii4 ,,american 
,,and ,,english ,,etiquette             
,,contrasted4  ,no sooner does the      
,american traveller land in ,england    
than are forced upon his consideration  
the striking differences in the         
etiquette of the two countries1 the     
language for common things1 the         
different system of intercourse between 
the employee and the employer1 the      
intense respectfulness of the guard on  
the railway1 the waiter at the hotel1   
and the porter who shoulders a trunk1   
and the ,stately manageress of the      

hotel1 who greets a traveller as my     
lady1 and holds out her hand for a      
shilling4 ,this respect strikes him     
forcibly4 ,the ,american in a similar   
position would not show the politeness1 
but she would disdain the shilling4 ,no 
,american woman likes to take a fee1    
least of all an ,american landlady4 ,in 
,england there is no such sensitiveness4
 ,everybody can be feed who does even   
the most elevated service4 ,the stately 
gentlemen who show ,windsor ,castle     
expect a shilling4 ,now as to the       
language for common things4 ,no         
,american must ask for an apothecary's  
shop2 he would not be understood4 ,he   
must inquire for the chemist's if he    
wants a dose of medicine4 ,apothecaries 
existed in ,shakespeare's time1 as we   
learn from ,romeo and ,juliet1 but they 
are gone out since4 ,the chemist has    
been born1 and very good chemicals he   
keeps4 ,as  soon as an ,american can    
divest himself of his habit of saying   
baggage1 and remark that he desires his 

luggage sent up by the four train1 the  
better for him4 ,and it is the better   
for him if he learns the language of the
 country quickly4 ,language in ,england1
 in all classes1 is a much more         
elaborate and finished science than with
 us4 ,every one1 from the cad to the    
cabinet minister1 speaks his sentences  
with what seems to us at first a stilted
 effort4 ,there is none of the easy     
drawl1 the oblivion of consonants1 which
 mark our daily talk1 ,it is very       
beautiful in the speech of women in     
,england1 this clear enunciation and the
 proper use of words4 ,even the maid who
 lights your fire asks your permission  
to do so in a studied manner1 giving    
each letter its place4 ,the slang of    
,england is the affectation of the few4 
,the general public1 as we should say1  
speak our common language most          
correctly4 ,at first it sounds affected 
and strained1 but soon the ,american ear
 grows to appreciate it1 and finds the  
pure well of ,english undefiled4  ,the  

,american lady will be sure to be       
charmed with the manners of the very    
respectable person who lets lodgings1   
and she will be equally sure to be      
shocked at the extortions of even the   
most honest and best-meaning of them4   
,ice1 lights1 an extra egg for          
breakfast1 all these common luxuries1   
which are given away in ,america1 and   
considered as necessaries of existence1 
are charged for in ,england1 and if a   
bath is required in the morning in the  
tub which always stands near the        
wash-stand1 an extra sixpence is        
required for that commonplace adjunct of
 the toilette4 ,if ladies carry their   
own wine from the steamer to a          
lodging-house1 and drink it there1 or   
offer it to their friends1 they are     
charged corkage4 ,on asking the meaning 
of this now almost obsolete relic of    
barbarism1 they are informed that the   
lodging-house keeper pays a tax of      
twenty pounds a year for the privilege  
of using wine or spirits on the         

premises1 and seven shillings--equal to 
nearly two dollars of our money--was    
charged an invalid lady who opened one  
bottle of port and two little bottles of
 champagne of her own in a lodging-house
 in ,half-moon ,street4 ,as it was left 
on the sideboard and nearly all drunk up
 by the waiter1 the lady demurred1 but  
she had no redress4 ,a friend told her  
afterwards that she should have uncorked
 her bottles in her bedroom1 and called 
it medicine4  ,these abuses1 practised  
principally on ,americans1 are leading  
to the far wiser and more generous plan 
of hotel living1 where1 as with us1 a   
man may know how much he is paying a    
day1 and may lose this disagreeable     
sense of being perpetually plucked4 ,no 
doubt to ,english people1 who know how  
to cope with the landlady1 who are      
accustomed to dole out their stores very
 carefully1 who know how to save a      
sixpence1 and will go without a lump of 
sugar in their tea rather than pay for  
it1 the lodging-house living has its    

conveniences4 ,it certainly is quieter  
and in some respects more comfortable   
than a hotel1 but it goes against the   
grain for any one accustomed to the good
 breakfasts1 the hearty lunch1 and the  
excellent dinners of an ,american hotel 
of the better class1 to have to pay for 
a drink of ice-water1 and to be told    
that the landlady cannot give him soup  
and fish on the same day unless her pay 
is raised4 ,indeed1 it is difficult to  
make any positive terms2 the extras will
 come in4 ,this has led to the building 
of gigantic hotels in ,london on the    
,american plan1 which arise rapidly on  
all sides4 ,the ,grand ,hotel1 the      
,bristol1 the ,first ,avenue ,hotel1 the
 ,midland1 the ,northwestern1 the       
,langham1 and the ,royal are all better 
places for an ,american than the        
lodging-house1 and they are very little 
if any more expensive4 ,in a            
lodging-house a lady must have a parlor1
 but in a hotel she can sit in the      
reading-room1 or write her letters at   

one of the half-dozen little tables     
which she will find in each of the many 
waiting-rooms4  ,london is a very       
convenient city for the writing and     
posting of letters4 ,foreigners send out
 their letters of introduction and      
cards1 expecting a reply in a few days1 
when1 lo6 the visitor is announced as   
being outside4 ,here1 again1 ,london has
 the advantage of ,new ,york4 ,the      
immediate attention paid to a letter of 
introduction might shame our more tardy 
hospitality4 ,never in the course of the
 history of ,england has self-respecting
 ,londoner neglected a letter of        
introduction4 ,if he is well-to-do1 he  
asks the person who brings the letter to
 dinner2 if he is poor1 he does what he 
can4 ,he is not ashamed to offer merely 
the hospitality of a cup of tea if he   
can do no more4 ,but he calls1 and he   
sends you tickets for the ,zoo1 or he   
does something to show his appreciation 
of the friend who has given the letter4 
,now in ,america we are very tardy about

 all this1 and often1 to our shame1 take
 no notice of letters of introduction4  
,in the matter of dress the ,american   
lady finds a complete bouleversement of 
her own ideas4 ,who would not stare1 on 
alighting at the ,fifth ,avenue ,hotel  
in the hot sunshine of a ,june evening1 
to find ladies trooping in at the public
 entrance dressed in red and blue and   
gold1 with short sleeves or no sleeves1 
and very low corsage1 no cloak1 no      
head-covering8 ,and yet at the ,grand   
,hotel in ,london this is the nightly   
custom4 ,these ladies are dressed for   
theatre or opera1 and they go to dine at
 a hotel first4 ,no bonnet is allowed at
 any theatre1 so the full dress 7which  
we should deem very improper at         
,wallack's7 is demanded at every theatre
 in ,london4 ,of course elderly and     
quiet ladies can go in high dresses1 but
 they must not wear bonnets4 ,the laws  
of the ,medes and ,persians were not    
more strictly enforced than is this law 
by the custodians of the theatre1 who   

are neatly dressed women ushers with    
becoming caps4 ,here1 again1 is a       
difference of custom1 as we have no     
women ushers in ,america1 and in this   
respect the ,english fashion is the     
prettier4 ,it would be well1 if we could
 introduce the habit of going to the    
theatre bonnetless1 for our high hats   
are universally denounced by those who  
sit behind us4  ,the appearance of      
,english women now to the stranger in   
,london partakes of a character of      
loudness1 excepting when on the top of a
 coach4 ,there they are most modestly   
and plainly dressed4 ,while our         
,american women wear coaching dresses of
 bright orange silks and white satins1  
pink trimmed with lace1 and so on1 the  
,english woman wears a plain colored    
dress1 with a black mantilla or wrap1   
and carries a dark parasol4 ,no brighter
 dress than a fawn-colored foulard      
appears on a coach in the great ,london 
parade of the ,four- in-,hands4  ,here  
the ,london woman is more sensible than 

her ,american cousin4 ,the ,americans   
who now visit ,london are apt to be so  
plain and undemonstrative in dress that 
they are called shabby4 ,perhaps alarmed
 at the comments once made on their     
loudness of dress1 the ,american woman  
has toned down1 and finds herself less  
gay than she sees is fashionable at the 
theatre and opera4 ,but she may be sure 
of one thing--she should be plainly     
dressed rather than overdressed4  ,as   
for dinner parties1 one is asked at     
eight or half-past eight2 no one is     
introduced1 but every one talks4 ,the   
conversation is apt to be low-voiced1   
but very bright and cordial--all        
,english people unbending at dinner4 ,it
 is etiquette to leave a card next day  
after a ball1 and to call on a lady's   
reception day4 ,for the out-of-door ftes
 at ,hurlington and ,sandhurst and the  
race days very brilliant toilettes of   
short dresses1 gay bonnets1 and so on1  
are proper1 and as no one can go to the 
first two without a special invitation1 

the people present are apt to be swells1
 and well worth seeing4 ,the coaches    
which come out to these festivities have
 well-dressed women on top1 but they    
usually conceal their gay dresses with a
 wrap of some sombre color while driving
 through ,london4 ,no one makes the     
slightest advance towards an            
acquaintance or an intimacy in ,london4 
,all is begun very formally by the      
presentation of letters1 and after that 
the invitation must be immediately      
accepted or declined1 and no person can1
 without offending his host1 withdraw   
from a lunch or dinner without making a 
most reasonable excuse4 ,an ,american   
gentleman long resident in ,london      
complains of his country-people in this 
respect4  ,he says they accept his      
invitations to dinner1 he gets together 
a most distinguished company to meet    
them1 and at the last moment they send  
him word3 ,so sorry1 but have come in   
tired from ,richmond4 ,think we won't   
come4 ,thank you4  ,now where is his    

dinner party8 ,three or four angry      
,londoners1 who might have gone to a    
dozen different dinners1 are sulkily    
sitting about waiting for these         
,americans who take a dinner invitation 
so lightly4  ,the ,london luncheon1     
which is a very plain meal compared with
 ours-- indeed1 only a family dinner--is
 a favorite hospitality as extended to  
,americans by busy men4 ,thus ,sir ,john
 ,millais1 whose hours are worth twenty 
pounds apiece1 receives his friends at a
 plain lunch in his magnificent house1  
at a table at which his handsome wife   
and rosy daughters assist4 ,so with     
,alma ,tadema1 and the literary people  
whose time is money4 ,many of the noble 
people1 whose time is not worth so much1
 also invite one to lunch1 and always   
the meal is an informal one4  ,english  
ladies are very accomplished as a rule1 
and sometimes come into the drawing-room
 with their painting aprons over their  
gowns4 ,they never look so well as on   
horseback1 where they have a perfection 

of outfit and such horses and grooms as 
our ,american ladies as yet cannot      
approach4 ,the scene at the corner of   
,rotten ,row of a bright afternoon in   
the ,derby week is unapproachable in any
 country in the world4  ,many ,american 
ladies1 not knowing the customs of the  
country1 have1 with their gentlemen     
friends1 mounted a coach at the ,langham
 ,hotel1 and have driven to the ,derby1 
coming home very much shocked because   
they were rudely accosted4  ,now ladies 
should never go to the ,derby4 ,it is   
not a lady race4 ,it is five hundred    
thousand people out on a spree1 and no  
lady is safe there4 ,ascot1 on the      
contrary1 is a lady's race4 ,but then   
she should have a box1 or else sit on   
the top of a coach4 ,such is the        
etiquette4  ,it would be better for all 
,americans1 before entering ,london     
society1 to learn the etiquette of these
 things from some resident4  ,in driving
 about1 the most aristocratic lady can  
use the most plebeian conveyance4 ,the  

four-wheeler is the favorite carriage4  
,a servant calls them from the door-step
 with a whistle4 ,they are very         
cheap--one-and-sixpence for two miles1  
including a call not to exceed fifteen  
minutes 7the call74 ,the hansom cab with
 one horse is equally cheap1 but not so 
easy to get in and out of4 ,both these  
vehicles1 with trunks on top of them1   
and a lady within1 drive through the    
,park side by side with the stately     
carriages4 ,in this respect ,london is  
more democratic than ,new ,york4        
,,chapter ,,lviii4 ,,how ,,to ,,treat   
,,english ,,people4  ,the highest lady  
in the realm1 ,queen ,victoria1 is      
always addressed by the ladies and      
gentlemen of her household1 and by all  
members of the aristocracy and gentry1  
as ,ma'am1 not ,madam1 or ,your         
,majesty1 but simply1 ,yes1 ma'am1 ,no1 
ma'am4 ,all classes not coming within   
the category of gentry1 such as the     
lower professional classes1 the middle  
classes1 the lower middle classes1 the  

lower classes 7servants71 would address 
her as ,your ,majesty1 and not as       
,ma'am4 ,the ,prince of ,wales is       
addressed as ,sir by the aristocracy and
 gentry1 and never as ,your ,royal      
,highness by either of these classes1   
but by all other people he is addressed 
as ,your ,royal ,highness4  ,the other  
sons of ,queen ,victoria are addressed  
as ,sir by the upper classes1 but as    
,your ,royal ,highness by the middle and
 lower classes1 and by all persons not  
coming within the category of gentry2   
and by gentry1 ,english people mean not 
only the landed gentry1 but all persons 
belonging to the army and navy1 the     
clergy1 the bar1 the medical and other  
professions1 the aristocracy of art     
7,sir ,frederick ,leighton1 the         
,president of the ,royal ,academy1 can  
always claim a private audience with the
 sovereign71 the aristocracy of wealth1 
merchant princes1 and the leading ,city 
merchants and bankers4 ,the ,princess of
 ,wales and all the princesses of the   

blood royal are addressed as ,ma'am by  
the aristocracy and gentry1 but as ,your
 ,royal ,highness by all other classes4 
,a foreign prince is addressed as       
,prince and ,sir by the aristocracy and 
gentry1 and as ,your ,serene ,highness  
by all other classes2 and a foreign     
princess would be addressed as ,princess
 by the aristocracy1 or ,your ,serene   
,highness by the lower grades1 but never
 as ,ma'am4  ,an ,english duke is       
addressed as ,duke by the aristocracy   
and gentry1 and never as ,your ,grace by
 the members of either of these classes2
 but all other classes address him as   
,your ,grace4 ,a marquis is sometimes   
conversationally addressed by the upper 
classes as ,markis1 but generally as    
,lord ,a--1 and a marchioness as ,lady  
,b--2 all other classes would address   
them as ,marquis or ,marchioness4 ,the  
same remark holds good as to earls1     
countesses1 barons1 baronnesses--all are
 ,lord ,b-- or ,lady ,b--4  ,but        
,americans1 who are always1 if presented

 at court1 entitled to be considered as 
aristocracy and gentry1 and as such are 
always received1 must observe that      
,english people do not use titles often 
even in speaking to a duke4 ,it is only 
an ignorant person who garnishes his    
conversation with these titles4 ,let the
 conversation with ,lord ,b flow on     
without saying ,my lord or ,lord ,b--   
more frequently than is absolutely      
necessary4 ,one very ignorant ,american 
in ,london was laughed at for saying1   
,that isn't so1 lord1 to a nobleman4 ,he
 should have said1 ,that isn't so1 ,i   
think1 or1 ,that isn't so1 ,lord ,b--1  
or my lord4  ,the daughters of dukes1   
marquises1 and earls are addressed as   
,lady ,mary1 ,lady ,gwendoline1 etc4    
,this must never be forgotten1 and the  
younger sons of dukes and marquises are 
called ,lord ,john ,b--1 ,lord ,randolph
 ,churchill1 etc4 ,the wife of the      
younger son should always be addressed  
by both the ,christian and surname of   
her husband by those slightly acquainted

 with her1 and by her husband's         
,christian name only by her intimate    
friends4 ,thus those who know ,lady     
,randolph ,churchill well address her as
 ,lady ,randolph4 ,the younger sons of  
earls1 viscounts1 and barons bear the   
courtesy title of ,honorable1 as do the 
female members of the family2 but this  
is never used colloquially under any    
circumstances1 although always in       
addressing a letter to them4  ,baronets 
are addressed by their full title and   
surname1 as ,sir ,stafford ,northcote1  
etc41 by persons of the upper classes1  
and by their titles and ,christian names
 by all lower classes4 ,baronets' wives 
are addressed as ,lady ,b--or ,lady     
,c--4 ,they should not be addressed as  
,lady ,thomas ,b--' that would be to    
give them the rank of the wife of a     
younger son of a duke or marquis1       
instead of that of a baronet's wife     
only4  ,in addressing foreigners of rank
 colloquially the received rule is to   
address them by their individual titles 

without the addition of the surname to  
their titles4 ,in case of a prince being
 a younger son he is addressed as       
,prince ,henry1 as in the case of       
,prince ,henry of ,battenberg4 ,the sons
 of the reigning monarchs are addressed 
as ,your ,imperial ,highness4 ,a foreign
 nobleman is addressed as ,monsieur le  
,duc1 ,monsieur le ,comte1 ,monsieur le 
,baron1 etc42 but if there is no prefix 
of de1 the individual is addressed as   
,baron ,rothschild1 ,count ,hohenthal1  
etc4  ,while it is proper on the        
,continent to address an unmarried woman
 as mademoiselle1 without the surname1  
in ,england it would be considered very 
vulgar4 ,miss must be followed by the   
surname4 ,the wives of archbishops1     
bishops1 and deans are simply ,mrs4     
,a--1 ,mrs4 ,b--1 etc41 while the       
archbishop and bishop are always        
addressed as ,your ,grace and as ,my    
lord1 their wives deriving no precedency
 and no title from their husbands'      
ecclesiastical rank4 ,it is the same    

with military personages4  ,peeresses   
invariably address their husbands by    
their title2 thus the ,duchess of       
,sutherland calls her husband           
,sutherland1 etc4 ,baronets' wives call 
their husbands ,sir ,john or ,sir       
,george1 etc4  ,the order of precedency 
in ,england is strictly adhered to1 and 
,english matrons declare that it is the 
greatest convenience1 as it saves them  
all the trouble of choosing who shall go
 in first1 etc4 ,for this reason1 among 
others1 the ,book of the ,peerage has   
been called the ,englishman's ,bible1 it
 is so often consulted4  ,but the       
question of how to treat ,english people
 has many another phase than that of    
mere title1 as we look at it from an    
,american point of view4  ,when we visit
 ,england we take rank with the highest1
 and can well afford to address the     
queen as ,ma'am4 ,in fact1 we are       
expected to do so4 ,a well-bred1        
well-educated1 well-introduced ,american
 has the highest position in the social 

scale4 ,he may not go in to dinner with 
a duchess1 but he is generally very well
 placed4 ,as for a well- bred1 handsome 
woman1 there is no end to the privileges
 of her position in ,england1 if she    
observes two or three rules4 ,she should
 not effuse too much1 nor be too        
generous of titles1 nor should she fail 
of the necessary courtesy due always    
from guest to hostess4 ,she should have 
herself presented at court by her       
,minister or by some distinguished      
friend1 if ,she wishes to enter         
fashionable society4 ,then she has the  
privilege of attending any subsequent   
,drawing-room1 and is eligible to       
invitations to the court bails and royal
 concerts1 etc4  ,american women have   
succeeded wonderfully of late years in  
all foreign society from their beauty1  
their wit1 and their originality4 ,from 
the somewhat perilous admiration of the 
,prince of ,wales and other ,royal      
,highnesses for ,american beauties1     
there has grown up1 however1 a rather   

presumptuous boldness in some women1    
which has rather speedily brought them  
into trouble1 and therefore it may be   
advisable that even a witty and very    
pretty woman should hold herself in     
check in ,england4  ,english people are 
very kind in illness1 grief1 or in      
anything which is inevitable1 but they  
are speedily chilled by any step towards
 a too sudden intimacy4 ,they resent    
anything like pushing more than any     
other people in the world4 ,in no       
country has intellect1 reading1         
cultivation1 and knowledge such success 
as in ,england4 ,if a lady1 especially1 
can talk well1 she is invited           
everywhere4 ,if she can do anything to  
amuse the company--as to sing well1 tell
 fortunes by the hand1 recite1 or play  
in charades or private theatricals--she 
is almost sure of the highest social    
recognition4 ,she is expected to dress  
well1 and ,americans are sure to do     
this4 ,the excess of dressing too much  
is to be discouraged4 ,it is far better 

to be too plain than too fine in        
,england1 as1 indeed1 it is everywhere2 
an overdressed woman is undeniably      
vulgar in any country4  ,if we could    
learn to treat ,english people as they  
treat us in the matter of introductions1
 it would be a great advance4 ,the      
,english regard a letter of introduction
 as a sacred institution and an         
obligation which cannot be disregarded4 
,if a lady takes a letter to ,sir ,john 
,bowring1 and he has illness in his     
family and cannot ask her to dinner1 he 
comes to call on her1 he sends her      
tickets for every sort of flower show1  
the museums1 the ,botanical ,garden1 and
 all the fine things2 he sends her his  
carriage--he evidently has her on his   
mind4 ,sir ,frederick ,leighton1 the    
most courted1 the busiest man in        
,london1 is really so kind1 so          
attentive1 so assiduous in his response 
to letters of introduction that one     
hesitates to present a letter for fear  
of intruding on his industrious and     

valuable life4  ,of course there are    
disagreeable ,english people1 and there 
is an animal known as the ,english snob1
 than which there is no ,tasmanian devil
 more disagreeable4 ,travellers         
everywhere have met this variety1 and   
one would think that formerly it must   
have been more common than it is now4   
,there are also ,english families who   
have a ,continental1 one might say a    
cosmopolitan1 reputation for            
disagreeability1 as we have some        
,american families1 well known to       
history1 who have an almost patrician   
and hereditary claim to the worst       
manners in the universe4 ,well-born     
bears are known all over the world1 but 
they are in the minority4 ,it is almost 
a sure sign of base and ignoble blood to
 be badly mannered4 ,and if the         
,american visitor treats his ,english   
host half as well as the host treats    
him1 he may feel assured that the       
entente cordiale will soon be perfect4  
,one need not treat the average         

,englishman either with a too effusive  
cordiality or with that                 
half-contemptuous fear of being snubbed 
which is of all things the most         
disagreeable4 ,a sort of chip on the    
shoulder spread-eagleism formerly made a
 class of ,americans unpopular2 now     
,americans are in favor in ,england1 and
 are treated most cordially4  ,,chapter 
,,lix4 ,a ,,foreign ,,table ,d',,hote1  
,,and ,,casino ,,life ,,abroad4  ,life  
at a ,french watering-place differs so  
essentially from that at our own        
,saratoga1 ,sharon1 ,richfield1         
,newport1 and ,long ,branch1 that a few 
items of observation may be indulged in 
to show us what an immense improvement  
we could introduce into our study of    
amusement by following the foreign      
fashions of simplicity in eating and    
drinking4  ,the ,continental people     
never eat that heavy early meal which we
 call breakfast4 ,they take in their    
rooms at eight o'clock a cup of coffee  
and a roll1 what they call caf complet1 

or they may prefer tea and oatmeal1 the 
whole thing very simple4 ,then at       
,aix-les ,rains or ,vichy the people    
under treatment go to the bath1 taking a
 rest afterwards4 ,all this occupies an 
hour4 ,they then rise and dress for the 
eleven o'clock djeuner   la fourchette1 
which is a formal meal served in        
courses1 with red wine instead of coffee
 or tea4 ,this is all that one has to do
 in the eating line until dinner4       
,imagine what a fine clear day that     
gives one4 ,how much uninterrupted time6
 ,how much better for the housekeeper in
 a small boarding-house6 ,and at a hotel
 where the long1 heavy breakfast1 from  
seven to eleven1 keeps the dining-room  
greasy and badly ventilated until the   
tables must be cleared for a one or two 
o'clock dinner1 it is to contrast order 
with disorder1 and neatness with its    
reverse4  ,the foreign breakfast at     
eleven is a delicious meal1 as will be  
seen by the following bills of fare3    
oeufs au beurre noir2 saut printanier 7a

 sort of stew of meat and fresh         
vegetables72 viande froide panache2     
salade de saison2 compote de fruit et   
ptisserie2 fromage1 fruit1 caf4         
,another breakfast is3 oeufs au plat2   
poulet   la ,godard2 c'telettes de      
mouton grillees2 reviere pommes de      
terre2 flans d'apricot2 and so on1 with 
every variety of stewed pigeon1 trout   
from the lake1 delicious preparations of
 spinach1 and always a variety of the   
cheeses which are so fresh and so       
healthful1 just brought from the ,alpine
 valleys4 ,the highly flavored ,alpine  
strawberries are added to this meal4    
,then all eating is done for the day    
until the six or seven o'clock dinner4  
,this gives the visitor a long and      
desirable day for excursions1 which in  
the neighborhood of ,aix are especially 
charming1 particularly the drive to     
,chambery1 one of the most quaintly     
interesting of towns1 through the       
magnificent break in the ,alps at whose 
southern portal stands ,la ,grande      

,chartreuse4 ,all this truly healthy    
disposition of time and of eating is one
 reason why a person comes home from a  
foreign watering-place in so much better
 trim1 morally1 mentally1 and           
physically1 than from the unhealthy     
gorging of our ,american summer resorts4
  ,at twelve or one begins the music at 
the ,casino1 usually a pretty building  
in a garden4 ,in this shady park the    
mammas with their children sit and      
listen to the strains of the best bands 
in ,europe4 ,paris sends her artists    
from the ,chtelet1 and the morning finds
 itself gone and well into the afternoon
 before the outside pleasures of the    
,casino are exhausted4 ,here1 of course1
 trip up and down on the light fantastic
 toe1 and in the prettiest costumes of  
the day1 all the daughters of the earth1
 with their attendant cavaliers4 ,there 
are certain aspects of a foreign        
watering-place with which we have       
nothing to do here1 such as the gambling
 and the overdressing of a certain      

class1 but all is externally most       
respectable4 ,at four or earlier every  
one goes to drive in the voiture de     
place or the voiture de remise1 the     
latter being a handsome hired carriage  
of a superior class4 ,but the voiture de
 place1 with a ,savoyard driver1 is good
 enough4 ,he knows the road2 his sturdy 
horse is accustomed to the hills2 he    
takes one for three francs an           
hour--about half what is charged at     
,saratoga or ,sharon or ,richfield2 he  
expects a few cents as pourboire1 that  
is all4 ,the vehicle is a humble sort of
 victoria1 very easy and safe1 and the  
drive is generally through scenery of   
the most magnificent description4       
,ladies at a foreign watering-place have
 generally much to amuse them at the    
shops4 ,antiquities of all sorts1       
especially old china 7particularly old  
,saxe71 also old carved furniture from  
the well- known chateaux of ,savoy1 are 
found at ,aix4 ,the prices are so small 
compared with what such curiosities     

would bring in ,new ,york that the buyer
 is tempted to buy what she does not    
want1 forgetting how much it will cost  
to get it home4 ,old lace and bits of   
embroidery and stuffs are brought to the
 door4 ,there is nothing too rococo for 
the peripatetic vender in these foreign 
watering-places4  ,the dinner is a very 
good one4 ,cooked by ,italian or ,french
 cooks1 it may be something of this     
sort3 potage de riz2 lavarets ,st4      
,houlade2 filets de boeuf ,beaumaire 7a 
delicious sauce with basil mixed in it1 
a slight taste of aniseed72 bouchers    
la reine2 chapon roti au cresson2       
asperge au branches2 glace au chocolat2 
caf2 or3 potage au ,crcy2 turbot aux    
cpres2 langue de boeuf2 petits pois1    
lies au beurre2 bombe vanille2 with     
fruits1 cheese1 and cakes1 and always   
the wine of the country1 for which no   
extra charge is made4 ,these delicious  
meals cost--the breakfast four francs   
7wine included71 the dinner ten francs4 
,it would be difficult in our country to

 find such cooking anywhere1 and for    
that price simply impossible4  ,music in
 the ,casino grounds follows the dinner4
 ,the pretty women1 by this time in the 
short1 gay foulards and in the dressy   
hats in which they will appear later at 
the ,casino ball1 are tripping up and   
down in the gas-lighted grounds4 ,the   
scene is often illuminated by fireworks4
 ,at eight and a half the whole motley  
crew has entered the ,casino1 and there 
the most amusing dancing--valse1 galop1 
and polka --is in vogue4 ,the ,pole is  
known by his violent dancing2 he strikes
 and flutters like a cock1 he capers in 
the air1 he kicks his heels up to the   
stars4 ,there is heartiness in the      
dancing of the ,swedes and ,danes1 there
 is mettle in their heels1 but no people
 caper like the ,poles4 ,the ,russians  
and the ,americans dance the best4 ,they
 are the elegant dancers of the world4  
,french women dance beautifully3  ,a    
fine1 sweet earthquake1 gently moved ,by
 the soft wind of their dispersing      

silks4  ,no lady appears at the ,casino 
bareheaded2 it is always with hat or    
bonnet1 and she lives in her bonnet more
 or less even at the balls4  ,if a      
concert or a play is going on in the    
little theatre1 the same people take    
their places in boxes or seats1 until   
every face becomes familiar1 as one     
knows one's shipmates4 ,sometimes       
pleasant acquaintances are thus formed4 
,a very free-and-easy system of         
etiquette permits dancing between       
parties who have not been introduced1   
and the same privilege extends to the   
asking of a party of ladies to take an  
ice4 ,all acquaintance ceases on leaving
 the ,casino1 however1 unless the lady  
chooses to bow to her cavalier4         
,sometimes the steward of the ,casino   
gets up a fancy-dress ball under the    
patronage of some lady1 and then the    
motley crew appear as historical        
characters4 ,it is a unique and gay     
spectacle4 ,here in the land of the old 
masters some very fine representations  

of the best pictures are hastily        
improvised1 and almost without any      
apparent effort the whole ball is gotten
 up with spirit and ingenuity4 ,this1   
too1 among people who never met the day 
before yesterday4 ,there is a wide range
 of costume allowed for those who take  
part in these revelries4  ,the parquet  
floor of a foreign ,casino is the most  
perfect thing for good dancing4 ,they   
understand laying these floors there    
better than we do1 and the climate does 
not alter them1 as with us4 ,they are   
the pleasantest and easiest of all      
floors to dance upon4  ,not the least   
striking episode to an ,american eye is 
the sight of many priests and men in    
ecclesiastical garments at these        
,casinos4 ,the number of priestly robes 
everywhere strikes the visitor to a     
,french watering-place most             
emphatically4 ,the schoolmasters are    
young priests1 and walk about with their
 boys1 and the old priests are          
everywhere4 ,a solemn procession crosses

 the gay scene occasionally4 ,three or  
four acolytes bearing censers1 a group  
of mourners1 a tall and stately nun in  
gray robes and veil walking             
magnificently1 and moving her lips in   
prayer2 then a group of people2 then a  
priest with book in hand saying aloud   
the prayers for the dead2 then the black
 box1 the coffin1 carried on a bier by  
men1 the motley crowd uncovering as the 
majesty passes2 and the boys follow1    
chanting1  ,the glories of our birth and
 state ,are shadows1 not substantial    
things2 ,there is no armor against fate2
 ,death lays his icy hand on kings4     
,yes1 and on the gay visitor at the     
,casino4 ,these simple and              
unostentatious funerals are very        
impressive4 ,the priests always walk    
bareheaded through the streets on these 
occasions1 and on many others4 ,indeed1 
the priestly head seems impatient of a  
hat4  ,the ftes of the peasants are     
things to go and see1 and the           
unalterable differences of rank are     

deeply impressed on the ,american mind4 
,an old peasant woman has brought cheese
 and milk into ,aix for forty years1 and
 now1 in her sixties1 she still brings  
them1 and walks eight miles a day4      
,there is no hope that her daughter will
 ever join in the gayeties of the       
,casino1 as in ,america she might       
certainly aspire to do4 ,the daughter   
will be a peasant1 as her mother was1   
and far happier and more respectable for
 it1 and certainly more picturesque4    
,how many of the peasant dresses have   
given an idea to the modiste6 ,and one  
sees in the fields of ,savoy the high   
hat with conical crown1 with brim either
 wide or flat1 which has now become so  
fashionable2 also the flat mushroom hat 
of straw with the natural bunch of corn 
and red poppy1 which has gone from      
,fanchon up to the duchess4 ,they both  
come from the fields4  ,of course       
horse-races1 formed after the plan of   
,longchamps1 are inseparable from the   
amusements of a ,french watering-place2 

and in proportion to the number of      
guests to be amused2 the horses come    
down from the various stables4          
,pigeon-shooting goes on all the time4  
,it is said that the ,french have a     
greater hatred of ennui than any other  
people in the world4 ,they do not know  
what it means4 ,they amuse themselves   
all the time1 and are never at a loss4  
,the well- bred ,french women have as   
much energy and industry as any ,new    
,england woman1 but they take their     
amusement more resolutely1 never losing 
music1 gayety1 and distraction4 ,perhaps
 what amuses them might not amuse the   
more sober ,saxon1 but the delicate     
embroidery of their lives1 with all that
 comes thus cheaply to them1 certainly  
makes them a very delightful set4 ,their
 manners are most fascinating1 never    
selfish1 never ponderous1 never         
self-conscious1 but always most         
agreeable4 ,the ,french woman is sui    
generis4 ,she may no longer be very     
young2 she never was very handsome4     

,every sensation that the human mind can
 experience she has experienced2 every  
caprice1 whim1 and fancy that human     
imagination can conceive she has        
gratified4 ,she is very intelligent2 she
 was born with a perfect taste in dress2
 and she is--all the novelists to the   
contrary notwithstanding--a very good   
wife1 an excellent mother1 a charming   
companion1 a most useful and sensible   
helpmeet1 with a perfect idea of doing  
her half of the business of life1 and of
 getting out of her hours of leisure all
 the amusement she can4 ,at a ,french   
watering-place the ,french women of the 
better class are most entirely at home  
and intensely agreeable4