,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa ( ,jesus ,transcrib]'s ,note3 ,corrections sugge/$ 9 ! ,corrig5da1 p4 viii ( ! orig9al text1 h be5 made4 ,section numb] add$ = ,l #c4i1 s9ce bo? ! translator's preface & ! index ref] to x4 ,footnotes ga!r$ at ! ends ( *apt]s4 ,typographical errors 9 two ,scriptural quotations h be5 correct$3 ,9 ,l #ba note #aj1 ,i h *ang$ ,qu prp>avit ,deus iis qui to ,qu prp>avit ,deus 8 qui2 & 9 ,l #bi note #ab1 ,i h *ang$ ,z ! long+ ( ! he>t to ,z ! long+ ( ! h>t4 ,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa ( ,jesus ,re-imprimatur4 ,franciscus ,ar*iepiscopus ,we/mona/4 ,die #bg ,sept41 #aijd4 ,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 ( ! ,ord] ( ,our ,lady ( ,c>mel4 ,writt5 by ,h]self4 ,translat$ f ! ,spani% by ,david ,lewis4 ,?ird ,edition ,enl>g$4 ,) additional ,notes & an ,introduction by ,rev4 ,fr4 ,b5$ict ,zimm]man1 ,o4,c4,d4 ,london3 ,?omas ,bak]4 ,new ,york3 ,b5zig] ,bros4 ,,mcmiv4 ,cont5ts4 ,*ap4 ,introduction to ! ,?ird ,edition1 by ,rev4 ,b4 ,zimm]man ,/4 ,t]esa's ,argum5ts ( ! ,*apt]s ,preface by ,david ,lewis ,annals ( ! ,sa9t's ,life ,prologue ,i4 ,*ildhood & e>ly ,impressions--,! ,bless+ ( pi\s ,p>5ts--,desire ( ,m>tyrdom--,dea? ( ! ,sa9t's ,"m ,,ii4 ,e>ly ,impressions--,dang]\s ,books & ,companions--,! ,sa9t is plac$ 9 a ,mona/]y ,,iii4 ,! ,bless+ ( be+ ) good p--,h[ c]ta9 ,illusions 7 remov$ ,,iv4 ,our ,"l helps h] to become a ,nun--,h] _m ,infirmities ,v4 ,illness & ,pati5ce ( ! ,sa9t--,! ,/ory ( a ,prie/ :om %e rescu$ f a ,life ( ,s9 ,,vi4 ,! great ,debt %e ow$ to our ,"l = ,8 ,m]cy to h]--,%e takes ,/4 ,joseph = h] ,patron ,,vii4 ,lukew>mness--,! ,loss ( ,grace--,inconv5i5ce ( ,laxity 9 ,religi\s ,h\ses ,,viii4 ,! ,sa9t ceases n to pray--,pray] ! way to recov] :at is lo/--,all exhort$ to pray--,! great ,advantage ( ,pray]1 ev5 to ^? :o may h ceas$ f x ,,ix4 ,! means :]eby our ,"l quick5$ h] ,s\l1 gave h] ,light 9 h] ,d>kness1 & made h] /rong 9 ,goodness ,x4 ,! ,graces %e receiv$ 9 ,pray]--,:at we c d ourselves--,! great ,importance ( und]/&+ :at our ,"l is do+ = u--,%e desires h] ,confessors to keep h] ,writ+s secret1 because ( ! special ,graces ( our ,"l to h]1 :i* !y _h comm&$ h] to describe ,,xi4 ,:y m5 d n atta9 quickly to ! p]fect ,love ( ,god--,( ,f\r ,degrees ( ,pray]--,( ! ,fir/ ,degree--,! ,doctr9e pr(itable = ,beg9n]s1 & = ^? :o h no s5sible ,sweetness ,,xii4 ,:at we c ourselves d--,! ,evil ( desir+ to atta9 to sup]natural ,/ates be=e our ,"l calls u ,,xiii4 ,( c]ta9 ,temptations ( ,satan--,in/ructions relat+ !reto ,,xiv4 ,! ,second ,/ate ( ,pray]--,its sup]natural ,"* ,,xv4 ,in/ructions = ^? :o h atta9$ to ! ,pray] ( ,quiet--,_m advance s f>1 b few g f>!r ,,xvi4 ,! ,?ird ,/ate ( ,pray]--,deep ,matt]s--,:at ! ,s\l c d t has rea*$ x--,effects ( ! great ,graces ( our ,"l ,,xvii4 ,! ,?ird ,/ate ( ,pray]--,! ,effects !re(--,! ,h9drance caus$ by ! ,imag9ation & ! ,memory ,,xviii4 ,! ,f\r? ,/ate ( ,pray]--,! great ,dignity ( ! ,s\l rais$ to x by our ,"l--,atta9able on ,e>?1 n by our ,m]it1 b by ! ,goodness ( our ,"l ,,xix4 ,! ,effects ( ?is ,f\r? ,/ate ( ,pray]--,e>ne/ ,exhortations to ^? :o h atta9$ to x n to g back nor to cease f ,pray]1 ev5 if !y fall--,! great ,calamity ( go+ back ,,xx4 ,! ,diff]5ce betwe5 ,union & ,rapture--,:at ,rapture is--,! ,bless+ x is to ! ,s\l--,! ,effects ( x ,,xxi4 ,conclusion ( ! ,subject--,pa9 ( ! ,awak5+--,light aga9/ ,delusions ,,xxii4 ,! ,security ( ,contemplatives lies 9 _! n asc5d+ to high ,?+s if our ,"l does n raise !m--,! ,sacr$ ,humanity mu/ be ! ,road to ! highe/ ,contemplation--,a ,delusion 9 :i* ! ,sa9t 0 once entangl$ ,,xxiii4 ,! ,sa9t resumes ! ,hi/ory ( h] ,life--,aim+ at ,p]fection--,means :]eby x may be ga9$--,in/ructions = ,confessors ,,xxiv4 ,progress "u ,ob$i5ce--,h] ,inability to resi/ ! ,graces ( ,god--,god multiplies ,8 ,graces ,,xxv4 ,div9e ,locutions--,delusions on t ,subject ,,xxvi4 ,h[ ! ,fe>s ( ! ,sa9t vani%$--,h[ %e 0 assur$ t h] ,pray] 0 ! ,"w ( ! ,holy ,_s ,,xxvii4 ,! ,sa9t prays to be direct$ 9 a diff]5t way--,intellectual ,visions ,,xxviii4 ,visions ( ! ,sacr$ ,humanity & ( ! glorifi$ ,bodies--,imag9>y ,visions--,great ,fruits !re( :5 !y come f ,god ,,xxix4 ,( ,visions--,! ,graces our ,"l be/[$ on ! ,sa9t--,! ,answ]s our ,"l gave h] = ^? :o tri$ h] ,,xxx4 ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a com=ts ! ,sa9t--,great ,temptations & ,int]ior ,trials ,,xxxi4 ,( c]ta9 outw>d ,temptations & ,appe>ances ( ,satan--,( ! ,suff]+s !reby occasion$--,c\nsels = ^? :o g on unto ,p]fection ,,xxxii4 ,our ,"l %[s ,/4 ,t]esa ! ,place :i* %e _h by h] ,s9s des]v$ 9 ,hell--,! ,torm5ts !re--,h[ ! ,mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph 0 f\nd$ ,,xxxiii4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,mona/]y h9d]$--,our ,"l consoles ! ,sa9t ,,xxxiv4 ,! ,sa9t leaves h] ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation = a "t1 at ! comm& ( h] sup]ior--,consoles an afflict$ ,wid[ ,,xxxv4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,h\se ( ,/4 ,joseph--,obs]vance ( holy ,pov]ty !re9--,h[ ! ,sa9t left ,tol$o ,,xxxvi4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph--,p]secution & ,temptations--,great int]ior ,trial ( ! ,sa9t1 & h] ,deliv]ance ,,xxxvii4 ,! ,effects ( ! div9e ,graces 9 ! ,s\l--,! ine/imable ,greatness ( "o ,degree ( ,glory ,,xxxviii4 ,c]ta9 heav5ly ,secrets1 ,visions1 & ,revelations--,! ,effects ( !m 9 h] ,s\l ,,xxxix4 ,o!r ,graces be/[$ on ! ,sa9t--,! ,promises ( our ,"l to h]--,div9e ,locutions & ,visions ,,xl4 ,visions1 ,revelations1 & ,locutions ,! ,relations4 ,relation4 ,i4 ,s5t to ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a 9 #aefj f ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila ,,ii4 ,to "o ( h] ,confessors1 f ! ,h\se ( ,dona ,luisa de la ,c]da1 9 #aefb ,,iii4 ,( v>i\s ,graces grant$ to ! ,sa9t f ! ye> #aefh to #aega1 inclusive ,,iv4 ,( ! ,graces ! ,sa9t receiv$ 9 ,salamanca at ! end ( ,l5t1 #aega ,v4 ,obs]vations on c]ta9 ,po9ts ( ,spirituality ,,vi4 ,! ,v[ ( ,ob$i5ce to ,fa!r ,gratian :i* ! ,sa9t made 9 #aege ,,vii4 ,made = ,rodrigo ,alv>ez1 ,s4,j41 9 ! ye> #aege1 accord+ to ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te2 b 9 #aegf1 accord+ to ! ,boll&i/s & ,f4 ,b\ix ,,viii4 ,address$ to ,f4 ,rodrigo ,alv>ez ,,ix4 ,( c]ta9 spiritual ,graces %e receiv$ 9 ,tol$o & ,avila 9 ! ye>s #aegf & #aegg ,x4 ,( a ,revelation to ! ,sa9t at ,avila1 #aegi1 & ( ,directions conc]n+ ! ,gov]nm5t ( ! ,ord] ,,xi4 ,writt5 f ,pal5cia 9 ,may1 #aeha1 & address$ to ,don ,alonzo ,velasquez1 ,bi%op ( ,osma1 :o _h be5 :5 ,canon ( ,tol$o1 "o ( ! ,sa9t's ,confessors ,introduction to ! ,pres5t ,edition4 ,:5 ! publi%] entru/$ me ) ! task ( edit+ ?is volume1 "o %eet 0 already pr9t$ & a consid]able portion ( ! book 0 9 type4 ,"u 8 agreem5t ) ! own]s ( ! copyright1 he 0 b\nd to reproduce ! text & notes1 etc41 orig9ally prep>$ by ,mr4 ,david ,lewis )\t any *ange1 s t my duty 0 conf9$ to read+ ! pro(s & v]ify+ ! quotations4 ,?is translation ( ! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa is s excell5t1 t x c\ld h>dly be improv$4 ,:ile fai?fully adh]+ to h] word+1 ! translator has be5 successful 9 r5d]+ ! l(ty tea*+ 9 simple & cle> language1 an a*ievem5t all ! m rem>kable z 9 addition to ! difficulty aris+ f ! transc5d5tal nature ( ! subject matt]1 ! involv$ /yle1 & ! total abs5ce ( punctuation t5d to p]plex ! read]4 ,n[ & !n !re might be "s diff]5ce ( op9ion z to h[ ,/4 ,t]esa's phrases %\ld be con/ru$1 b x is n too mu* to say t on ! :ole ,mr4 ,lewis has be5 m successful ?an any o!r translator1 :e!r ,engli% or =eign4 ,only 9 "o case h ,i f\nd x necess>y to make "s slight alt]ation 9 ! text1 & ,i tru/ ! own]s ( ! copyright w =give me = do+ s4 ,9 ,*apt] ,,xxv41 #d1 ,/4 ,t]esa1 speak+ ( ! diff]5ce betwe5 ! ,div9e & ! imag9>y locutions1 says t a p]son comm5d+ a matt] to ,god ) great e>ne/ness1 may ?9k t he he>s :e!r 8 pray] w be grant$ or n3 y es muy posible1 & ?is is q possible1 b he :o has ev] he>d a ,div9e locution w see at once t ?is assurance is some?+ q diff]5t4 ,mr4 ,lewis1 foll[+ ! old ,spani% editions1 translat$ ,& x is mo/ impossible1 :]eas bo? ! autograph & ! context dem& ! word+ ,i h v5tur$ to sub/itute4 ,:5 ,mr4 ,lewis und]took ! translation ( ,/4 ,t]esa's works1 he _h be=e him ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te's edition 7,madrid1 #ahfa-ahfb71 suppos$ to be a fai?ful transcript ( ! orig9al4 ,9 #ahgc ! ,soci$ad ,foto-,tipografica-,catolica ( ,madrid publi%$ a photographic reproduction ( ! ,sa9t's autograph 9 #dab pages 9 folio1 :i* e/abli%es ! true text once = all4 ,don ,vic5te prep>$ a transcript ( ?is1 9 :i* he wisely adopt$ ! mod]n way ( spell+ b o!rwise pres]v$ ! orig9al text1 or at lea/ pret5d$ to d s1 = a m9ute comp>ison betwe5 autograph & transcript reveals ! />tl+ fact t ne>ly a ?\s& inaccuracies h be5 all[$ to creep 94 ,mo/ ( ^! v>iants are immat]ial1 b !re are "s :i* ought n to h be5 ov]look$4 ,?us1 9 ,*apt] ,,xviii4 #bj1 ,/4 ,t]esa's words are3 ,un gran letrado de la ord5 del glorioso santo ,dom+o1 :ile ,don ,vic5te reta9s ! old read+ ,de la ord5 del glorioso patri>ca santo ,dom+o4 ,mr4 ,lewis possess$ a copy ( ?is photographic reproduction1 b utilis$ x only 9 "o in/ance 9 8 second edition4 #a ,! publication ( ! autograph has settl$ a po9t ( "s importance4 ,! ,boll&i/s 7n4 #aebj71 discuss+ ! "q :e!r ! head+s ( ! *apt]s 7app5d$ to ?is ,introduction7 are by ,/4 ,t]esa or a lat] addition1 come to ! conclusion 7aga9/ ! au?ors ( ! ,re=ma de los ,descalos7 t !y are cle>ly an int]polation 7cl>issime patet7 on acc\nt ( ! praise ( ! doctr9e conta9$ 9 ^! argum5ts4 ,not)/&+ _! high au?ority ! ,boll&i/s are 9 ?is respect p]fectly wrong1 ! argum5ts are entirely 9 ,/4 ,t]esa's own h& & are exclusively h] own "w4 ,! ,book ( ,f\ndations & ! ,way ( ,p]fection conta9 simil> argum5ts 9 ! ,sa9t's h&writ+4 ,nor ne$ any surprise be felt at ! alleg$ praise ( h] doctr9e = by say+3 ?is *apt] is mo/ notewor?y 7,*ap4 ,,xiv471 or3 ?is is good doctr9e 7,*ap4 ,,xxi471 etc41 %e takes no cr$it = h]self because %e nev] gr[s tir$ ( repeat+ t %e only deliv]s ! message %e has receiv$ f our ,"l4 #b ,! ,boll&i/s1 n hav+ se5 ! orig9al1 may be excus$1 b ,p4 ,b\ix 7:om ,mr4 ,lewis foll[s 9 ?is matt]7 _h no "r to suppress ^! argum5ts4 ,x is to be hop$ t future editions ( ! works ( ,s4 ,t]esa w n aga9 deprive ! read] ( ?is rem>kable feature ( h] writ+s4 ,:at %e h]self ?\ght ( h] books is be/ told by ,yepes 9 a lett] to ,fa!r ,luis de ,leon1 ! fir/ editor ( h] works3 ,%e 0 pleas$ :5 h] writ+s 7 be+ prais$ & h] ,ord] & ! conv5ts 7 held 9 e/eem4 ,speak+ "o day ( ! ,way ( ,p]fection1 %e rejoic$ to he> x prais$1 & said to me ) great cont5t3 ,"s grave m5 tell me t x is l ,holy ,scripture4 ,= be+ reveal$ doctr9e x seem$ to h] t prais+ h] book 0 l prais+ ,god4 #c ,a notable feature 9 ,mr4 ,lewis's translation is 8 division ( ! *apt]s into %ort p>agraphs4 ,b x appe>s t he re>rang$ ! division dur+ ! process ( pr9t+1 ) ! result t a l>ge numb] ( ref]5ces 7 wrong4 ,no lab\r has be5 sp>$ 9 ! correction ( ^!1 & ,i tru/ t ! pres5t edition w be ! m useful = x4 ,9 quot+ ! ,way ( ,p]fection & ! ,int]ior ,ca/le 7:i* he calls ,inn] ,=tress67 ,mr4 ,lewis ref]s to simil> p>agraphs :i*1 h[ev]1 are to be f\nd 9 no ,engli% edition4 ,a new translation ( ^! two works is greatly ne$$1 &1 9 ! case ( ! ,way ( ,p]fection1 ! manuscript ( ! ,escurial %\ld be consult$ z well z t ( ,valladolid4 ,:]e ! writ+s ( ,s4 ,john ( ! ,cross are quot$ by volume & page1 ! edition ref]r$ to is ! "o ( #ahfd1 ano!r ( ,mr4 ,lewis's ma/]pieces4 ,! *apt]s 9 ,rib]a's ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa ref] to ! edition 9 ! ,acts ( ! ,sa9t by ! ,boll&i/s4 ,^! & all o!r quotations h be5 c>efully v]ifi$1 ) ! exception ( ^? tak5 f ! works on ,my/ical !ology by ,antonius a ,spiritu ,sancto & ,franciscus a ,s4 ,?oma1 :i* ,i 0 unable to consult4 ,i %\ld h wi%$ to replace ! quotations f antiquat$ editions ( ! ,lett]s ( our ,sa9t by ref]5ces to ! new ,fr5* edition by ,p4 ,grgoire de ,s4 ,joseph 7,p>is1 ,p\ssielgue1 #aijj71 :i* may be consid]$ z ! /&>d edition4 ,9 note #b to ,*ap4 ,,xi4 ,mr4 ,lewis draws att5tion to a passage 9 a s]mon by ,s4 ,b]n>d conta9+ an allusion to diff]5t ways ( wat]+ a g>d5 simil> to ,/4 ,t]esa's well-kn[n comp>ison4 ,mr4 ,lewis's quotation is incorrect1 & ,i am n c]ta9 :at s]mon he may h _h 9 view4 ,some?+ to ! po9t may be f\nd 9 s]mon #bb on ! ,canticle 7,migne1 ,p4 ,l4 ,vol4 ,,clxxxiii1 p4 #hgi71 & 9 ! fir/ s]mon on ! ,nativity ( our ,"l 7ibid41 p4 #aae71 & also 9 a s]mon on ! ,canticle by "o ( ,/4 ,b]n>d's disciples 7,vol4 ,,clxxxiv41 p4 #aie74 ,i am indebt$ to ! ,v ,rev4 ,prior ,v9c5t ,mc,nabb1 ,o4,p41 = ! v]ification ( a quotation f ,/4 ,v9c5t ,f]r] 7,*ap4 ,,xx4 #ca74 ,s9ce ! publication ( ,mr4 ,lewis's translation ! unc]ta9ty ab\t ! date ( ,/4 ,t]esa's pr(ession has be5 cle>$ up4 ,yepes1 ! ,boll&i/s1 ,p4 ,b\ix1 ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te1 ,mr4 ,lewis1 & num]\s o!r writ]s assume t %e ent]$ ! conv5t ( ! ,inc>nation #d on ,novemb] #bnd1 #aecc1 & made h] pr(ession on ,novemb] #crd1 #aecd4 ,! rema9+ dates ( ev5ts previ\s to h] conv]sion are bas$ ^u ?is1 z w be se5 f ! *ronology pr9t$ by ,mr4 ,lewis at ! end ( 8 ,preface & frequ5tly ref]r$ to 9 ! footnotes4 ,x re/s1 h[ev]1 on inadequate evid5ce1 namely on a s+le passage 9 ! ,life #e :]e ! ,sa9t says t %e 0 n yet tw5ty ye>s old :5 %e made h] fir/ sup]natural exp]i5ce 9 pray]4 ,%e 0 tw5ty 9 ,m>*1 #aece1 & z ?is ev5t took place aft] h] pr(ession1 ! latt] 0 suppos$ by ,yepes & 8 foll[]s to h tak5 place 9 ! previ\s ,novemb]4 ,ev5 if we _h no fur!r evid5ce1 ! fact t ,/4 ,t]esa is n always reliable 9 h] calculation %\ld h w>n$ u n to rely too mu* ^u a some:at casual /atem5t4 ,9 ! fir/ *apt]1 #g1 %e positively ass]ts t %e 0 r less ?an twelve ye>s old at ! dea? ( h] "m1 :]eas we "k t %e 0 at lea/ ?irte5 ye>s & eight mon?s old4 ,z to ! pr(ession we h ov]:elm+ evid5ce t x took place on ! #crd ( ,novemb]1 #aecf1 & h] entrance 9 ! conv5t a ye> & a day e>li]4 ,to beg9 )1 we h ! positive /atem5t ( h] mo/ intimate fri5ds1 ,julian d',avila1 ,fa!r ,rib]a1 ,s4,j41 & ,fa!r ,j]ome ,gratian4 ,likewise da ,m>ia ,p9el1 nun ( ! ,inc>nation1 says 9 h] deposition3 ,%e 7,t]esa ( ,jesus7 took ! habit on #b ,novemb]1 #aece4 #f ,?is is corroborat$ by v>i\s passages 9 ! ,sa9t's writ+s4 ,?us1 9 ,relation ,,vii41 writt5 9 #aege1 %e says1 speak+ ( h]self3 ,?is nun took ! habit =ty ye>s ago4 ,aga9 9 a passage ( ! ,life writt5 ab\t ! end ( #aefd or ! beg9n+ ( ! foll[+ ye>1 #g %e m5tions t %e has be5 a nun = ov] tw5ty-eight ye>s1 :i* po9ts to h] pr(ession 9 #aecf4 ,b !re are two docum5ts :i* place ! date ( pr(ession beyond dispute1 namely ! act ( r5unciation ( h] "r to ! pat]nal inh]itance & ! de$ ( d[ry drawn up be=e a public not>y4 ,bo? be> ! date #ca ,octob]1 #aecf4 ,! au?ors ( ! ,re=ma de los ,descalos ?\ght t !y mu/ h be5 drawn up be=e ,/4 ,t]esa took ! habit1 & !re=e plac$ ?is ev5t 9 #aecf & ! pr(ession 9 #aecg1 b nei!r ( ^! docum5ts is necess>ily connect$ ) ! clo?+1 yet bo? mu/ h be5 complet$ be=e pr(ession4 ,! ,con/itutions ( ,bless$ ,john ,sore?1 drawn up 9 #adfb1 :i* 7 obs]v$ at ! conv5t ( ! ,inc>nation1 conta9 ! foll[+ rule ) reg>d to ! reception & tra9+ ( novices3 #h ,consulimus quod recipi5dus ante susceptionem habitus exp$iat se de omnibus quae habet 9 saeculo nisi ex causa rationabili p] priorem g5]alem vel prov9cialem fu]it alit] ord9atum4 ,!re 01 inde$1 good reason 9 ! case ( ,/4 ,t]esa to po/pone ^! legal matt]s4 ,h] fa!r 0 mu* oppos$ to h] becom+ a nun1 b consid]+ 8 piety x might h be5 expect$ t be=e ! end ( ! ye> ( probation he w\ld grant 8 cons5t 7:i* 9 ! ev5t he did ! v day %e took ! habit71 & make arrangem5ts = ! d[ry4 ,"o little detail conc]n+ h] ha/e 9 ent]+ ! conv5t has be5 pres]v$ by ! ,re=ma & ! ,boll&i/s1 #i ?\gh nei!r seem to h und]/ood its mean+4 ,on leav+ ! conv5t ( ! ,inc>nation = ,/4 ,joseph's 9 #aefc1 ,/4 ,t]esa h&$ ! prioress ( ! =m] conv5t a receipt = h] b$d+1 habit & discipl9e4 ,?is almo/ ludicr\s scrupulosity 0 9 con=mity ) a decision ( ! g5]al *apt] ( #acdb :i* said3 ,+r$i5s ord9em ad sui ipsius in/antiam habeat lecti/]nia pro se ipso1 s9 autem recipi5s solvat lectum illum4 ,z ,/4 ,t]esa ent]$ ! conv5t )\t ! k ( h] fa!r %e did n br+ ?is insignificant tr\sseau ) h]2 accord+ly ! prioress became responsible = x & obta9$ a receipt :5 ,/4 ,t]esa w5t to ! new conv5t4 ,! d[ry grant$ by ,alphonso ,san*ez de ,cep$a to 8 daught] consi/$ ( tw5ty-five measures1 p>tly :eat1 p>tly b>ley1 or1 9 lieu !re(1 two hundr$ ducats p] annum4 ,few among ! num]\s nuns ( ! ,inc>nation c\ld h br\ght a bett] or ev5 an equal d[ry4 ,! date ( ,/4 ,t]esa's pr(ession be+ ?us fix$ on ! #crd ( ,novemb]1 #aecf1 "s o!r dates ( ! *ronology mu/ be revis$4 ,h] visit to ,ca/ellanos de la ,canada mu/ h tak5 place 9 ! e>ly "p ( #aecg4 ,b already be=e ?is "t ! ,sa9t _h an exp]i5ce :i* %\ld h prov$ a w>n+ to h]1 & ! neglect ( :i* %e nev] ceas$ to deplore1 namely ! vision ( our ,"l2 #aj h] own words are t ?is ev5t took place at ! v beg9n+ ( h] acqua9tance ) ! p]son :o ex]cis$ s dang]\s an influ5ce ^u h]4 ,mr4 ,lewis assigns to x ! date #aedb1 :i* is impossible see+ t in/ead ( tw5ty-six x 0 only tw5ty-two ye>s be=e %e wrote t passage ( h] life4 ,moreov]1 x w\ld h fall5 into ! mid/ ( h] lukew>mness 7accord+ to ,mr4 ,lewis's *ronology7 in/ead ( ! v beg9n+4 ,p4 ,b\ix rightly assigns x to ! ye> #aecg1 b z he is two ye>s 9 advance ( our *ronology x does n agree ) ! surr\nd+ circum/ances z describ$ by him4 ,be>+ 9 m9d ! h9t ,/4 ,t]esa gives #aa z to h] disposition imm$iately aft] h] pr(ession1 we ne$ n be surpris$ if ! fir/ roots ( h] lukew>mness %[ !mselves s soon4 ,f ,ca/ellanos %e proce$$ to ,hortigosa on a visit to h] uncle4 ,:ile !re %e became acqua9t$ ) ! book call$ ,t]c] ,abec$>io4 ,don ,vic5te rem>ks t ! e>lie/ edition kn[n to him 0 pr9t$ 9 #aecg1 :i* tells /rongly aga9/ ! *ronology ( ! ,boll&i/s1 ,p4 ,b\ix1 & o!rs4 ,aga91 speak+ ( h] cure at ,bezadas %e gives a valuable h9t by say+ t %e rema9$ bl9d to c]ta9 dang]s = m ?an sev5te5 ye>s until ! ,jesuit fa!rs f9ally undeceiv$ h]4 ,z ^! came to ,avila 9 #aeee ! sev5te5 ye>s lead u back to #aech1 :i* precisely co9cides ) h] soj\rn at ,bezadas4 ,%e rema9$ !re until ,pascua florida ( ! foll[+ ye>4 ,p4 ,b\ix & o!rs und]/& by ?is t]m ,palm ,sunday1 b ,don ,vic5te %[s good reason t ,ea/] ,sunday is meant1 :i* 9 #aeci 0 ,april ! #f?4 ,%e !n return$ to ,avila1 m dead ?an alive1 & rema9$ s]i\sly ill = ne>ly ?ree ye>s1 until %e 0 cur$ ?r\gh ! miracul\s int]v5tion ( ,/4 ,joseph ab\t ! beg9n+ ( #aedb4 ,n[ began ! p]iod ( lukew>mness :i* 0 temporally int]rupt$ by ! illness & dea? ( h] fa!r1 9 #aedd or #aede1 & came to an end ab\t #aeee4 ,don ,vic5te1 foll[$ by ,mr4 ,lewis1 draws att5tion to :at he believes to be a pro( ( great laxity ( ! conv5t1 t ,/4 ,t]esa %\ld h be5 urg$ by "o ( h] confessors to communicate z (t5 z once a =tnight4 ,x %\ld be und]/ood t frequ5t communion su* z we n[ see x practis$ 0 :olly unkn[n 9 h] "t4 ,! ,con/itutions ( ! ,ord] specifi$ twelve days on :i* all ^? t 7 n prie/s %\ld communicate1 add+3 ,v]umtam5 fratres pr(essi pr\t ,deus eis devotionem contul]it diebus dom9icis et fe/is duplicibus 7i4e41 on fea/s ( our ,lady1 ! ,apo/les1 etc471 communic>e pot]unt si qui vel9t4 ,?us1 communicat+ ab\t once a mon? ,/4 ,t]esa act$ z ord9>y good ,religi\s 7 wont to d1 & by approa*+ ! sacram5t m frequ5tly %e plac$ h]self among ! m f]v5t nuns4 #ab ,/4 ,t]esa wrote q a numb] ( diff]5t acc\nts ( h] life4 ,! fir/1 address$ to ,fa!r ,juan de ,padranos1 ,s4,j4 #ac & dat$ #aeeg1 is n[ lo/4 ,! second1 writt5 = ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 is ,relation ,i4 at ! end ( ?is volume2 a copy ( x1 toge!r ) a cont9uation 7,relation ,,ii47 0 s5t to ,fa!r ,p$ro ,ibaez 9 #aefb4 ,x is some:at difficult to admit t 9 ! v same ye> %e wrote ano!r1 m ext5sive1 acc\nt to ! same prie/1 :i* is g5]ally call$ ! fir/ ,life4 ,at ! end ( ! ,life su* z we h x n[1 ,/4 ,t]esa wrote3 ,?is book 0 f9i%$ 9 ,june1 #aefb1 & ,fa!r ,baez wrote und]nea?3 ,?is date ref]s to ! fir/ acc\nt :i* ! ,holy ,"m ,t]esa ( ,jesus wrote ( h] life2 x 0 n !n divid$ into *apt]s4 ,aft]w>ds %e made ?is copy & ins]t$ 9 x _m ?+s :i* _h tak5 place subsequ5t to ?is date1 su* z ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila4 ,else:]e ,fa!r ,baez says3 #ad ,( "o ( h] books1 namely1 ! "o 9 :i* %e record$ h] life & ! mann] ( pray] :]eby ,god _h l$ h]1 ,i c say t %e compos$ x to ! end t h] confessors might "k h] ! bett] & in/ruct h]1 & also t x might enc\rage & animate ^? :o le>n f x ! great m]cy ,god _h %[n h]1 a great s9n] z %e humbly ackn[l$g$ h]self to be4 ,?is book 0 already writt5 :5 ,i made h] acqua9tance1 h] previ\s confessors hav+ giv5 h] p]mission to t effect4 ,among ^! 0 a lic5tiate ( ! ,dom9ican ,ord]1 ! ,rev]5d ,fa!r ,p$ro ,ibaez1 read] ( ,div9ity at ,avila4 ,%e aft]w>ds complet$ & reca/ ?is book4 ,^! two passages ( ,baez h l$ ! biograph]s ( ! ,sa9t to ?9k t %e wrote h] ,life twice1 fir/ 9 #aefa & ! foll[+ ye>1 complet+ x 9 ! h\se ( ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da at ,tol$o1 9 ! mon? ( ,june2 & secondly betwe5 #aefc & #aefe at ,/4 ,joseph's ,conv5t ( ,avila4 ,!y h be5 at pa9s to po9t out a numb] ( places :i* c\ld n h be5 9 ! fir/ ,life1 b mu/ h be5 add$ 9 ! second2 #ae & !y took x = grant$ t ! lett] ) :i* ! book z we n[ h x concludes1 0 address$ to ,fa!r ,ibaez 9 #aefb1 :5 ! ,sa9t s5t him ! fir/ ,life4 ,x be>s nei!r address nor date1 b f its cont5ts ,i am b\nd to conclude t x 0 writt5 9 #aefe1 t x ref]s to ! second ,life1 & t :omsoev] x 0 address$ to1 x _c h be5 to ,fa!r ,ibaez1 :o 0 already dead at ! "t4 #af ,sa9t ,t]esa asks ! writ] to s5d a copy ( ! book to ,fa!r ,juan de ,avila4 ,n[ we "k f h] lett]s t z late z #aefh ?is reque/ _h n be5 compli$ )1 & t ,/4 ,t]esa _h to write twice to ,da ,luisa = ?is purpose2 #ag b if %e _h already giv5 ^! in/ructions 9 #aefb1 x is altoge!r incompreh5sible t %e did n see to x e>li]1 especially :5 ! fir/ ,life 0 return$ to h] = ! purpose ( copy+ & complet+ x4 ,! second reason :i* prev5ts me f consid]+ ?is lett] z connect$ ) ! fir/ ,life w be exam9$ :5 ,i come to speak ( ! diff]5t ends ! ,sa9t _h 9 view :5 writ+ h] ,life4 ,x is m difficult to say to :om ! lett] 0 really address$4 ,! ,re=ma sugge/s ,fa!r ,g>cia de ,tol$o1 ,dom9ican1 :o bade ! ,sa9t write ! hi/ory ( ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph's at ,avila #ah & :o 0 h] confessor at t conv5t4 ,x moreov] believes t he x is to :om ,*apt] ,,xxxiv4 #h-bj ref]s1 & ?is op9ion appe>s to me plausible4 ,z to ! latt] po9t1 ,yepes ?9ks ! ,dom9ican at ,tol$o 0 ,fa!r ,vic5te ,b>ron1 ! ,boll&i/s (f] no op9ion1 & ,mr4 ,lewis1 9 8 fir/ edition gives fir/ ! "o & !n ! o!r4 ,if1 z ,i ?9k1 ,fa!r ,g>cia 0 meant1 ! passage 9 ,*apt] ,,xvi4 #aj1 beg9n+ ,o1 my son1 w\ld conc]n him also1 z well z sev]al passages :]e ,vue/ra ,m]c$--y1 my ,fa!r--is address$4 ,= al?\gh ! book came f9ally into ! h&s ( ,fa!r ,baez1 x 0 fir/ deliv]$ into ^? ( ! addressee ( ! lett]4 ,:e!r ! previ\s pap] 0 a m]e ,relation1 or really a fir/ attempt at a ,life1 #ai !re c be no dispute ab\t its purpose3 ,/4 ,t]esa speaks ( x 9 ! foll[+ t]ms3 ,i _h rec\rse to my ,dom9ican fa!r 7,ibaez72 ,i told him all ab\t my visions1 my way ( pray]1 ! great graces our ,"l _h giv5 me1 z cle>ly z ,i c\ld1 & begg$ him to consid] ! matt] well1 & tell me if !re 0 any?+ !re9 at v>iance ) ! ,holy ,writ+s1 & give me 8 op9ion on ! :ole matt]4 #bj ,! acc\nt ?us r5d]$ _h ! object ( enabl+ ,fa!r ,ibaez to give h] light ^u ! /ate ( h] s\l4 ,b :ile %e 0 draw+ x up1 a great *ange came ov] h]4 ,dur+ ,/4 ,t]esa's soj\rn at ,tol$o %e became f a pupil an exp]i5c$ ma/] 9 ,my/ical k4 ,:5 ,i 0 !re a religi\s 7probably ,fa!r ,g>cia de ,tol$o7 ) :om ,i _h conv]s$ occasionally "s ye>s ago1 happ5$ to arrive4 ,:5 ,i 0 at ,mass 9 a mona/]y ( 8 ,ord]1 ,i felt a long+ to "k ! /ate ( 8 s\l4 #ba ,?ree times ! ,sa9t rose f h] seat1 ?ree times %e sat d[n aga91 b at la/ %e w5t to see him 9 a confessional1 n to ask = any light = h]self1 b to give him :at light %e c\ld1 = %e wi%$ to induce him to surr5d] himself m p]fectly to ,god1 & ?is %e accompli%$ by tell+ him h[ %e _h f>$ s9ce _! la/ meet+4 ,no "o :o reads ?is rem>kable *apt] c help be+ /ruck by ! *ange t has come ov] ,t]esa3 ! p]iod ( h] s*ool+ is at an end1 & %e is n[ ! great tea*] ( ,my/ical !ology4 ,h] humility does n all[ h] to speak ) ! same degree ( op5ness ^u h] a*ievem5ts z %e did :5 mak+ kn[n h] fail+s1 yet %e _c conceal ! ,gift ( ,wisdom %e _h receiv$ & ! use %e made ( x4 ,/4 ,t]esa's developm5t1 if extraord9>y consid]+ ! degree ( spirituality %e rea*$1 0 nev]!less gradual & regul>4 ,) h] wond]ful p[] ( analysis1 %e has giv5 u n only a cle> insight into h] int]ior progress1 b also a sket* ( ! developm5t ( h] und]/&+ ( sup]natural ?+s4 ,x is n[ 7i4e41 ab\t ! end ( #aefc7 "s five or six ye>s1 ,i believe1 s9ce our ,"l rais$ me to ?is /ate ( pray]1 9 its fulness1 & t m ?an once1--& ,i nev] und]/ood x1 & nev] c\ld expla9 x2 & s ,i 0 resolv$1 :5 ,i %\ld come ?us f> 9 my /ory1 to say v little or no?+ at all4 #bb ,9 ! foll[+ *apt] %e adds3 ,y1 my fa!r1 w be delight$ greatly to f9d an acc\nt ( ! matt] 9 writ+1 & to und]/& x2 = x is "o grace t our ,"l gives grace2 & x is ano!r grace to und]/& :at grace & :at gift x is2 & x is ano!r & fur!r grace to h ! p[] to describe & expla9 x to o!rs4 ,?\gh x does n seem t m ?an ! fir/ ( ^!--! giv+ ( grace--is necess>y1 x is a great advantage & a great grace to und]/& x4 #bc ,^! words conta9 ! clue to mu* t o!rwise w\ld be obscure 9 ! life ( our ,sa9t3 great graces 7 be/[$ ^u h]1 b at fir/ %e nei!r und]/ood !m h]self nor 0 %e able to describe !m4 ,h5ce ! inability ( h] confessors & spiritual advis]s to guide h]4 ,h] natural gifts1 great ?\gh !y 71 did n help h] mu*4 ,?\gh y1 my fa!r1 may ?9k t ,i h a quick und]/&+1 x is n s2 = ,i h f\nd out 9 _m ways t my und]/&+ c take 9 only1 z !y say1 :at is giv5 x to eat4 ,sometimes my confessor us$ to be amaz$ at my ignorance3 & he nev] expla9$ to me--nor1 inde$1 did ,i desire to und]/&--h[ ,god did ?is1 nor h[ x c\ld be4 ,nor did ,i ev] ask4 #bd ,at fir/ %e 0 simply bewild]$ by ! fav\rs %[n h]1 aft]w>ds %e c\ld n help kn[+1 despite ! fe>s ( ov] anxi\s fri5ds1 t !y did come f ,god1 & t s f> f imp]ill+ h] s\l made a diff]5t woman ( h]1 b ev5 !n %e 0 n able to expla9 to o!rs :at %e exp]i5c$ 9 h]self4 ,b %ortly be=e ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph's conv5t %e receiv$ ! la/ ( ! ?ree graces m5tion$ above1 ! ,gift ( ,wisdom1 & ! sc5e at ,tol$o is ! fir/ manife/ation ( x4 ,?is expla9s ! diff]5ce ( ! ,life su* z we "k x f ! fir/ v]sion or ! ,relations prec$+ x4 ,:atev] ?is writ+ 01 x /ill belong$ to ! p]iod ( h] spiritual education1 :]eas ! volume be=e u is ! fir/-fruit ( h] spiritual ,ma/]%ip4 ,! new light t _h come to h] induc$ h] confessors #be to dem& a detail$ "w embody+ ev]y?+ %e _h le>n$ f h] heav5ly ,tea*]4 #bf ,! treatise on ,my/ical !ology conta9$ 9 ,*apt]s ,x4 to ,,xxi41 ! inve/igation ( ,div9e locutions1 ,visions & ,revelations 9 ! conclud+ portion ( ! "w c\ld h _h no place 9 any previ\s writ+4 ,:ile h] exp]i5ces be=e %e obta9$ ! ,gift ( ,wisdom influ5c$ b ?ree p]sons 7"o ( !m be+ h] fa!r71 a great _m pr(it$ by h] increas$ k4 #bg ,! e>li] writ+s 7 b confid5tial communications to h] confessors1 & if !y became kn[n to l>g] circles ?is 0 due to indiscretion4 ,b h] ,life 0 writt5 f ! beg9n+ ) a view to publication4 ,allusions to ?is object may be f\nd 9 v>i\s places #bh z well z 9 ! lett] app5d$ to ! book1 #bi b ! decisive utt]ances mu/ be s\ght = else:]e1 namely 9 ! ,way ( ,p]fection4 ,?is "w 0 writt5 imm$iately aft] ! ,life1 :ile ! ,sa9t 0 z yet at ! conv5t ( ,/4 ,joseph's4 ,x 0 re-writt5 lat] on & is n[ only kn[n 9 its f9al %ape1 b ! fir/ v]sion1 ! orig9al ( :i* is pres]v$ at ! ,escurial & has be5 reproduc$ photographically1 leaves no d\bt z to ! int5tions ( ,/4 ,t]esa 9 writ+ h] ,life4 ,i h writt5 a few days ago a c]ta9 ,relation ( my ,life4 ,b s9ce x might happ5 t my confessor may n p]mit y 7! ,si/]s ( ,/4 ,joseph's7 to read x1 ,i w put "h "s ?+s conc]n+ pray] :i* are con=mable to :at ,i h said !re1 z well z "s o!r ?+s :i* appe> to me to be necess>y4 #cj ,aga93 ,z all ?is is bett] expla9$ 9 ! book :i* ,i say ,i h writt51 !re is no ne$ = me to speak ( x ) s mu* detail4 ,i h said !re all ,i "k4 ,^? ( y :o h be5 l$ by ,god to ?is degree ( contemplation 7& ,i say t "s h be5 l$ s f>71 %\ld procure ! book because x is important = y1 aft] ,i am dead4 #ca ,at ! end %e writes3 ,s9ce ! ,"l has taught y ! way & has inspir$ me z to :at ,i %\ld put 9 ! book :i* ,i say has be5 writt51 h[ !y %\ld behave :o h arriv$ at ?is f\nta9 ( liv+ wat] & :at ! s\l feels !re1 & h[ ,god satiates h] & makes h] lose ! ?ir/ = ?+s ( ?is _w & causes h] to gr[ 9 ?+s p]ta9+ to ! s]vice ( ,god2 t book1 !re=e1 w be ( great help = ^? :o h arriv$ at ?is /ate1 & w give !m mu* light4 ,procure x4 ,= ,fa!r ,dom+o ,baez1 pres5tado ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic :o1 z ,i say1 is my confessor1 & to :om ,i %all give ?is1 has x3 if he judges t y %\ld see ?is1 & gives x to y1 he w also give y ! o!r4 #cb ,:ile ! fir/ & second ( ^! quotations may be f\nd1 some:at weak5$1 9 ! f9al v]sion ( ! ,way ( ,p]fection1 ! la/ "o is entirely omitt$4 ,nor ne$ ?is surprise u1 = ,fa!r ,baez _h 8 own ideas ab\t ! advisability ( ! publication ( ! ,life4 ,9 8 deposition1 already ref]r$ to1 he says3 ,x 0 n conv5i5t t ?is book %\ld become public dur+ h] lifetime1 b r t x %\ld be kept at ! ,holy ,(fice 7! ,inquisition7 until we knew ! end ( ?is p]son2 x 0 !re=e q aga9/ my w t "s copies 7 tak5 :ile x 0 9 ! h&s ( ! bi%op ,don ,alv>o ,m5doza1 :o1 be+ a p[]ful prelate & hav+ receiv$ x f ! said ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 all[$ x to be copi$ & %[$ x to 8 si/]1 da ,m>ia de ,m5doza2 ?us c]ta9 p]sons tak+ an int]e/ 9 spiritual matt]s & kn[+ already "s portions ( ?is treatise 7evid5tly ! cont5ts ( ! divulg$ ,relations7 made fur!r copies1 "o ( :i* became ! prop]ty ( ! ,du*ess ( ,alba1 da ,m>ia ,enriquez1 & is n[1 ,i ?9k1 9 ! h&s ( h] daught]-9-law1 da ,m>ia de ,tol$o4 ,all ?is 0 aga9/ my wi%1 & ,i 0 mu* annoy$ ) ! said ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 ?\gh ,i knew well x 0 n h] fault b ! fault ( ^? to :om %e _h confid$ ! book1 & ,i told h] %e ought to burn ! orig9al because x w\ld nev] d t ! writ+s ( wom5 %\ld become public prop]ty2 to :i* %e answ]$ %e 0 q aw>e ( x & w\ld c]ta9ly burn x if ,i told h] to d s2 b kn[+ h] great humility & ob$i5ce ,i did n d>e to h x de/roy$ b h&$ x to ! ,holy ,(fice = safe-keep+1 :5ce x has be5 )drawn s9ce h] dea? & publi%$ 9 pr9t4 #cc ,f ?is x w be se5 t ,baez1 :o _h giv5 a mo/ fav\rable op9ion :5 ! ,life 0 d5\nc$ to ! ,inquisition 7#aegd71 result+ 9 ! approbation by ,c>d9al de ,quiroga to ! great joy ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 #cd return$ x to ! ,holy ,(fice = safety's sake4 ,x 0 )drawn by ! ,v54 ,"m ,anne ( ,jesus :5 ! ,ord] _h decid$ ^u ! publication ( ! works ( ! ,sa9t1 b too late to be utilis$ !n4 ,fa!r ,luis de ,leon1 ! editor1 _h to cont5t himself ) ! copy already allud$ to4 ,/4 ,t]esa wrote h] ,life sl[ly4 ,x 0 begun 9 spr+1 #aefc1 #ce & complet$ 9 ,may or ,june1 #aefe4 ,%e compla9s t %e c only "w at x by /eal? on acc\nt ( h] duties at ! di/aff2 #cf b ! book is writt5 ) s mu* ord] & me?od1 ! manuscript is s free f mi/akes1 corrections & erasures1 t we may conclude t :ile sp9n+ %e work$ x out 9 h] m9d1 s t ! app>5t delay prov$ mo/ advantage\s4 ,9 ?is respect ! ,life is sup]ior to ! fir/ v]sion ( ! ,way ( ,p]fection4 ,?is latt] "w 0 pr9t$ dur+ h] lifetime1 ?\gh x appe>$ only aft] h] dea?4 ,9 #aehf ! ,def9itory ( ! prov9ce ( ,discalc$ ,c>melites decid$ ^u ! publication ( ! complete works ( ! ,sa9t1 b = obvi\s reasons deem$ n only ! memb]s ( h] own ,ord] b also ,dom9icans & ,jesuits ineligible = ! po/ ( editor4 ,su* ( ! manuscripts z c\ld be f\nd 7 !re=e confid$ to ! ,augu/9ian ,fa!r1 ,luis de ,leon1 pr(essor at ,salamanca1 :o prep>$ ! edition b did n live to c>ry x ?r\gh ! press4 ,! fact t he did n "k ! autograph ( ! ,life acc\nts = ! num]\s inaccuracies to be f\nd 9 ne>ly all editions1 b ! publication ( ! orig9al %\ld ensure a great improvem5t = ! future4 ,/4 ,t]esa's canonisation took place be=e ! /r+5t laws ( ,urban ,,viii4 came into =ce4 ,consequ5tly1 ! writ+s ( ! ,sa9t 7 n !n enquir$ into1 ! ,holy ,see cont5t+ itself ) ! approbations grant$ by ! ,spani% ,inquisition1 & by ! congregation ( ! ,rota 9 ,rome4 ,a c]ta9 numb] ( passages select$ f v>i\s works hav+ be5 d5\nc$ by "s ,roman !ologians z be+ contr>y to ! tea*+ ( ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as & o!r au?orities1 ,diego ,alv>ez1 a ,dom9ican1 & ,john ,rada1 a ,franciscan1 7 commission$ to exam9e ! matt] & report on x4 ,! twelve c5sures ) ! answ]s ( ! two !ologians & ! f9al judgm5t ( ! ,rota seem to h rema9$ unkn[n to ! ,boll&i/s4 #cg ,! heav5ly doctr9e ( ,/4 ,t]esa is allud$ to n only 9 ! ,bull ( canonisation b ev5 9 ! ,collect ( ! ,mass ( ! ,sa9t4 ,conc]n+ ! ,engli% translations ( ! ,life notic$ by ,mr4 ,lewis x %\ld be m5tion$ t ! "o ascrib$ to ,abraham ,woodhead is only p>tly 8 "w4 ,fa!r ,b$e ( ,/4 ,simon ,/ock 7,walt] ,joseph ,trav]s71 a ,discalc$ ,c>melite1 lab\r+ on ! ,engli% ,mission f #affj till #afib1 0 anxi\s to complete ! translation ( ,/4 ,t]esa's works into ,engli%4 ,he _h n proce$$ v f> :5 he le>nt t o!rs 7 engag$ 9 ! same task4 ,on enquiry he f\nd t a new translation 0 contemplat$ by two graduates ( ! ,univ]sity ( ,cambridge1 conv]ts to ! ,fai?1 mo/ le>n$ & pi\s m51 :o 7 lead+ a solit>y life1 sp5d+ _! "t & tal5ts 9 ! composition ( controv]sial & devotional works = ! good ( _! neighb\r & ! glory ( ,god4 ,"o ( ^! two m5 0 ,woodhead1 :o1 h[ev]1 0 an ,ox=d man1 b ! "n ( ! o!r1 :o mu/ h be5 a ,cambridge man1 is n kn[n4 ,!y und]took ! translation :ile ,fa!r ,b$e provid$ ! funds & bore ! risks ( :at 0 !n a dang]\s "w4 ,z !re exi/$ already two ,engli% translations ( ! ,life1 ! fir/ volume to appe> 7#affi7 conta9$ ! ,book ( ,f\ndations1 to :i* 0 prefix$ ! hi/ory ( ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph's f ! ,life4 ,:51 !re=e1 ! new translation ( ! latt] appe>$1 9 #afga1 ?is portion ( ! book 0 omitt$4 #ch ,! translation 0 made direct f ! ,spani% b uni=mly ) ! ,italian edition4 ,mr4 ,lewis1 ^: translation is ! fif?1 0 born on ! #ab? ( ,novemb]1 #ahad1 & di$ on ,janu>y ! #bcrd1 #ahie4 ,! fir/ edition 0 pr9t$ 9 #ahgj1 ! second 9 #ahhh4 ,x is regrettable t ! latt] edition1 ( :i* ! pres5t is a repr9t1 omitt$ ! m>g9al notes :i* w\ld h be5 s helpful to ! read]4 ,/4 ,t]esa's life & "* hav+ always be5 a fav\rite /udy ( m5 & wom5 ( v>i\s s*ools ( ?\ght1 x may be useful to notice "h a few rec5t ,engli% & =eign works on ! subject3-- ,! ,life ( ,sa9t ,t]esa1 by ! au?or ( ,devotions be=e & aft] ,holy ,communion 7i4e41 ,miss ,m>ia ,tr5*71 ,london1 #ahge4 ,! ,life ( ,sa9t ,t]esa ( ! ,ord] ( ,our ,lady ( ,m\nt ,c>mel4 ,edit$ ) a preface by ! ,ar*bi%op ( ,we/m9/] 7,c>d9al ,mann+71 ,london1 #ahfe4 7,by ,miss ,elizabe? ,lockh>t1 aft]w>ds fir/ abbess ( ! ,franciscan conv5t1 ,nott+ ,hill47 ,frequ5tly repr9t$4 ,! ,life & ,lett]s ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 by ,h5ry ,james ,col]idge1 ,s4,j4 ,qu>t]ly ,s]ies4 #c vols 7#ahha1 #ahhg1 #ahhh74 ,&1 f ano!r po9t ( view3 ,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 by ,gabriela ,cunn+hame-,graham1 #b vols1 ,london1 #ahid4 ,hi/oire de ,sa9te ,?rse d'aprs les ,boll&i/es4 #b vols1 ,nantes1 #ahhb4 ,frequ5tly repr9t$4 ,! au?or is ,mlle4 ,adelaide ,lecornu 7born #e ,july1 #aheb1 di$ at ! ,c>melite conv5t at ,ca51 #ad ,decemb]1 #aija4 ,h] "n 9 religion 0 ,adelaide-,jronyme-,zoe-,m>ie du ,sacr-,coeur74 ,an excell5t "* sket* ( ! ,sa9t has appe>$ 9 ! ,les ,sa9ts s]ies 7,p>is1 ,lec(fre1 #aija73 ,sa9te ,?rse1 p> ,h5ri ,joly4 ,al?\gh ! attempt at expla9+ ! extraord9>y ph5om5a 9 ! life ( ,/4 ,t]esa by animal ,magnetism & simil> obscure !ories _h already be5 explod$ by ! ,boll&i/s1 x has lately be5 reviv$ by ,pr(essor ,don ,arturo ,p]ales ,guti]rez ( ,granada1 & ,pr(essor ,don ,f]n&o ,segundo ,brieva ,salvati]ra ( ,madrid1 :o consid]$ h] a subject ( hy/]ical d]angem5ts4 ,! discussion c>ri$ on = "s "t1 n only 9 ,spa9 b also 9 ,france1 ,g]many1 & o!r c\ntries1 has be5 ably summ$ up & dispos$ ( by ,p4 ,grgoire de ,s4 ,joseph3 ,la prt5due ,hy/rie de ,sa9te ,?rse4 ,lyons4 ,! ,bibliographie ,?rsi5ne1 by ,h5ry de ,curzon 7,p>is1 #aijb7 is1 un=tunately1 too incomplete1 n to say slov5ly1 to be ( mu* use4 ,f9ally1 x is necess>y to say a ^w ab\t ! spell+ ( ! "n ,t]esa4 ,9 ,spani% & ,italian x %\ld be writt5 )\t an h z ^! languages d n admit ! use ( ,?2 9 ,engli%1 likewise1 :]e ?is comb9ation ( lett]s repres5ts a special s\nd1 ! "n %\ld be spelt ) ,t only4 ,b ! pres5t fa%ion ( ?us writ+ x 9 ,lat91 ,g]man1 ,fr5*1 & o!r languages1 :i* g5]ally ma9ta9 ! etymological spell+1 is intol]able3 ,! "n is ,greek1 & 0 plac$ on ! cal5d> 9 hon\r ( a noble ,spani% lady1 ,/4 ,!rasia1 :o became ! wife ( a ,sa9t1 ,paul9us ( ,nola1 & a ,sa9t h]self4 ,see ,sa9te ,?rse1 ,lettres au ,r4 ,p4 ,b\ix1 by ! ,abb ,po/el1 ,p>is1 #ahfd4 ,! d]ivation ( ! "n f ! ,hebrew ,!rsa c no long] be def5d$ 7,fa!r ,j]ome-,gratian1 9 ,fu5te1 ,obras1 ,vol4 ,,vi41 p4 #cfi sqq474 ,b5$ict ,zimm]man1 ,prior ,o4,c4,d4 ,/4 ,luke's ,priory1 ,w9canton1 ,som]set4 #af? ,july1 #aijd4 #a4 ,*ap4 xxxiv41 note #e4 #b4 ,*ap4 xviii4 #aa4 #c4 ,fu5te1 ,obras 7#ahha71 vol4 vi4 p4 #acc4 #d4 ,see ! lic5ce grant$ by ,leo ,x4 to ! prioress & conv5t ( ! ,inc>nation to build ano!r h\se = ! use ( ! said conv5t1 & to migrate ?i!r 7,vatican ,ar*ives1 ,dat>ia1 ,leo ,x41 anno i41 vol4 viii41 fol4 #hb74 ,also a lic5ce to sell or ex*ange c]ta9 prop]ty belong+ to x 7ibid41 anno iv41 vol4 vii41 f4 #bgd2 & a *>ge to ! ,bi%op ( ,avila conc]n+ a rec\rse ( ! said conv5t 7ibid41 anno vii41 vol4 iv41 f4 #bd74 #e4 ,*ap4 iv #i4 #f4 ,lettres de ,/e4 ,?rse1 edit4 ,p4 ,grgoire de ,s4 ,joseph1 vol4 iii1 p4 #dai1 note #b4 #g4 ,*ap4 xxxvi4 #aj4 ,! date ( ?is "p ( ! ,life c be easily asc]ta9$ f ! two foll[+ *apt]s4 ,9 xxxvii4 #ah1 ,/4 ,t]esa says t %e is n yet fifty ye>s old1 consequ5tly ! *apt] mu/ h be5 writt5 be=e ! end ( ,m>*1 #aefe2 & 9 ! next *apt]1 xxxviii4 #ae1 %e speaks ( ! dea? ( ,fa!r ,p$ro ,ibaez1 :i* appe>s to h tak5 place on #bnd ,febru>y4 ,?is1 at lea/1 is ! date "u :i* 8 "n appe>s 9 ! ,anne ,dom9ica9e1 & ! ,v ,rev4 ,prior ,v9c5t ,mc,nabb tells me t !re is e reason to ?9k t x is ! date ( 8 dea?4 #h4 ,:5 ab\t ,a4,d4 #adeb c]ta9 communities ( ,begu9es dem&$ affiliation to ! ,c>melite ,ord]1 !y 7 giv5 ! ,con/itutions ( ! fri>s )\t any alt]ations4 ,^! ,con/itutions 7 revis$ 9 #adfb1 b nei!r !re nor 9 ! ,acts ( ! ,g5]al ,*apt]s1 s f> z ^! are pres]v$1 is !re ! slighte/ ref]5ce to conv5ts ( nuns4 ,! colophon ( ! pr9t$ edition 7,v5ice1 #adii7 %[s t !y held good = fri>s & nuns3 ,expliciunt sacrae con/itutiones novae fratrum et sororum beatae ,m>iae de ,monte ,c>melo4 ,!y conta9 ! cu/om>y laws =bidd+ ! fri>s "u pa9 ( excommunication1 to leave ! prec9cts ( _! conv5ts )\t due lic5ce1 b d n enjo9 /rict enclosure1 :i* w\ld h be5 incompatible ) _! mann] ( life & _! v>i\s duties4 ,/4 ,t]esa n[h]e ins9uates t ! ,con/itutions1 su* z !y 71 7 n kept at ! ,inc>nation2 h] rem>ks 9 *ap4 vii4 are aim$ at ! ,con/itutions !mselves1 :i* 7 nev] made = nuns1 & !re=e did n provide = ! ne$s ( _! conv5ts4 #i4 ,re=ma lib4 i41 cap4 #dg4 ,boll&i/s4 no4 #cff4 #aj4 ,*ap4 vii4 #aa4 #aa4 ,*ap4 v4 #b4 #ab4 ,con/itutions ( #adfb4 ,"p i41 cap4 x4 #ac4 ,*ap4 xxiii4 #ag4 #ad4 ,deposition = ! process ( canonisation1 writt5 9 #aeia4 ,fu5te1 ,obras1 vol4 vi41 p4 #agd4 #ae4 ,see ! notes to *apt]s vii4 #aa2 xvi4 #aj2 xx4 #f2 xxiv4 #d2 xxvii4 #ag4 ,at ! end ( *apt] xxxi4 we are told on ! au?ority ( ,don ,vic5te t ! fir/ ,life mu/ h end$ at ?is po9t4 #af4 ,boll&i/s1 no4 #aeah4 #ag4 ,lettres1 edit4 ,grgoire4 ,i41 pp4 #ac 7#ah ,may1 #aefh72 #ba 7#bg ,may72 #ce 7#b ,novemb]74 #ah4 ,re=ma1 vol4 i41 lib4 v41 cap4 xxxv41 no4 #i4 ,boll&i/s1 no4 #aeah4 #ai4 ,if ! latt]1 x mu/ h be5 v mu* %ort] ?an ! second edition1 & c sc>cely h conta9$ m ?an ! fir/ n9e *apt]s 7p]haps v]batim7 & an acc\nt ( ! visions1 locutions1 etc41 conta9$ 9 *apt]s xxiii4-xxxi41 )\t comm5t4 #bj4 ,*ap4 xxxiii4 #g4 #ba4 ,*ap4 xxxiv4 #h4 #bb4 ,*ap4 xvi4 #b4 #bc4 ,*ap4 xvii4 #g4 #bd4 ,*ap4 xxviii4 #aj4 #be4 ,9 ! ,prologue to ! ,book ( ,f\ndations1 ,fa!r ,g>cia de ,tol$o1 h] confessor at ,/4 ,joseph's ,conv5t1 is said to be responsible = ! ord] to rewrite ! ,life2 b 9 ! ,preface to ! ,life ,/4 ,t]esa speaks ( h] confessors 9 ! plural4 ,fa!rs ,ibaez & ,baez may be includ$ 9 ! numb]4 ,see also *4 xxx4 #bg4 #bf4 ,*ap4 xviii4 #aa4 #bg4 ,*ap4 xiii4 #bb4 ,9 *ap4 xvi4 #ab1 ! ,sa9t says3 ,i wi% we five :o n[ love "o ano!r 9 our ,"l1 _h made "s su* arrangem5t1 etc4 ,fu5te is ( op9ion t ^! five 71 besides ! ,sa9t1 ,fa!r ,julian de ,avila1 ,don ,francisco de ,salc$o1 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 & ,don ,lor5zo de ,cep$a1 ,/4 ,t]esa's bro!r3 b ?is is impossible at ! date ( ?is "p ( ! ,life4 ,x is m probable t %e meant ,francisco de ,salc$o1 ,gasp> ,daza1 ,julian de ,avila1 & ,fa!r ,ibaez1 ! latt] be+ /ill alive 9 ! beg9n+ ( #aefd1 :5 ?is *apt] 0 writt54 ,x is m difficult to say :o ! ?ree confessors 7 :om ,/4 ,t]esa desir$ to see ! ,life 7*4 xl4 #cb74 ,if1 z ,i ?9k1 ! book 0 fir/ h&$ to ,fa!r ,g>cia de ,tol$o1 ! o!rs may h be5 ,francisco de ,salc$o1 ,baltas> ,alv>ez1 & ,gasp> de ,salaz>4 #bh4 ,*ap4 x4 #aa & #ab4 #bi4 ,?is is ! second reason :y ! lett] c\ld n h be5 address$ to ,fa!r ,ibaez 9 #aefb4 #cj4 ,edit$ by ,don ,francisco ,h]r]o ,bayona1 #ahhc p4 #d4 #ca4 ,ibid41 *ap4 xli4 7see ,dalton's translation1 *ap4 xxv474 #cb4 ,ibid41 *ap4 lxxiii4 ,see ! diff]5ce 9 ,dalton's translation1 *ap4 xlii4 #cc4 ,fu5te1 ,obras1 vol4 vi41 p4 #bge4 #cd4 ,see ! foll[+ ,preface1 p4 xxxvii4 ,lettres1 ed4 ,grgoire1 ii41 p4 #fe4 ,p4 ,b]?olde-,ignace1 ,vie de la ,mre ,anne de ,jsus1 i41 p4 #dgb4 #ce4 ,9 ! ,prologue to ! ,book ( ,f\ndations1 ,/4 ,t]esa says t ,fa!r ,g>cia de ,tol$o ord]$ h] to rewrite ! book ! same ye> 9 :i* ,/4 ,joseph's ,conv5t 0 f\nd$1 i4e4 #aefb1 b see+ t %e only sp5t a few h\rs !re & t ! pr9cipal difficulties only arose aft] h] return to ! ,inc>nation1 x appe>s m probable t ,fa!r ,g>cia's comm& 0 n made until ! spr+ ( ! foll[+ ye>1 :5 %e w5t to live at ,/4 ,joseph's4 #cf4 ,*ap4 x4 #aa4 #cg4 ,see ,hi/oria ,g5]alis ,fratrum ,discalceatorum ,ord9is ,b4 ,virg9is ,m>iae de ,monte ,c>melo ,congregationis ,eliae4 ,romae1 #affh1 vol4 i41 pp4 #cdj-ceh ad ann4 #afjd4 #ch4 ,see ,c>mel 9 ,engl&1 by ,rev4 ,fa!r ,b4 ,zimm]man1 p4 #bdj sqq4 ,/4 ,t]esa's ,argum5ts ( ! ,*apt]s4 ,j4,h4,s4 ,j4,h4,s4 ,*apt] ,i4 #a--;,9 :i* %e tells h[ ,god #b began to dispose ?is s\l f *ildhood = virtue1 & h[ %e 0 help$ by hav+ virtu\s p>5ts4 ,*apt] ,,ii4--,h[ %e lo/ ^! virtues & h[ important x is to deal f *ildhood ) virtu\s p]sons4 ,*apt] ,,iii4--,9 :i* %e sets =? h[ good company 0 ! means ( h] resum+ good int5tions1 & 9 :at mann] ,god began to give h] "s light on ! deception to :i* %e 0 subject$4 ,*apt] ,,iv4--,%e expla9s h[1 ) ! assi/ance ( ,god1 %e compell$ h]self to take ! 7,religi\s7 habit1 & h[ ,8 ,maje/y began to s5d h] _m infirmities4 ,*apt] ,v4--,%e cont9ues to speak ( ! great infirmities %e suff]$ & ! pati5ce ,god gave h] to be> !m1 & h[ ,he turn$ evil into good1 z is se5 f some?+ t happ5$ at ! place :]e %e w5t = a cure4 ,*apt] ,,vi4--,( ! great debt %e owes ,god = giv+ h] con=mity ( h] w 7) ,87 9 h] trials1 & h[ %e turn$ t[>ds ! glori\s ,/4 ,joseph z h] help] & advocate1 & h[ mu* %e pr(it$ !reby4 ,*apt] ,,vii4--,( ! way :]eby %e lo/ ! graces ,god _h grant$ h]1 & ! wret*$ life %e began to lead2 %e also speaks ( ! dang] aris+ f ! want ( a /rict enclosure 9 conv5ts ( nuns4 ,*apt] ,,viii4--,( ! great advantage %e d]iv$ f n entirely ab&on+ pray] s z n to lose h] s\l2 & :at an excell5t rem$y ?is is 9 ord] to w9 back :at "o has lo/4 ,%e exhorts ev]ybody to practise pray]1 & %[s :at a ga9 x is1 ev5 if "o %\ld h giv5 x up = a "t1 to make use ( s great a good4 ,*apt] ,,ix4--,by :at means ,god began to r\se h] s\l & give light 9 ! mid/ ( d>kness1 & to /r5g!n h] virtues s t %e %\ld n (f5d ,him4 ,*apt] ,x4--,%e beg9s to expla9 ! graces ,god gave h] 9 pray]1 & h[ mu* we c d = ourselves1 & ( ! importance ( und]/&+ ,god's m]cies t[>ds u4 ,%e reque/s ^? to :om ?is is to be s5t to keep ! rema9d] 7( ?is book7 secret1 s9ce !y h comm&$ h] to g into s _m details ab\t ! graces ,god has %[n h]4 ,*apt] ,,xi4--,9 :i* %e sets =? h[ x is t we d n love ,god p]fectly 9 a %ort "t4 ,%e beg9s to exp\nd by means ( a comp>ison f\r degrees ( pray]1 ( ! fir/ ( :i* %e treats "h2 ?is is mo/ pr(itable = beg9n]s & = ^? :o f9d no ta/e 9 pray]4 ,*apt] ,,xii4--,cont9uation ( ! fir/ /ate4 ,%e decl>es h[ f>1 ) ! grace ( ,god1 we c proce$ by ourselves1 & speaks ( ! dang] ( seek+ sup]natural & extraord9>y exp]i5ces be=e ,god lifts up ! s\l4 ,*apt] ,,xiii4--,%e cont9ues to treat ( ! fir/ degree1 & gives advice ) respect to c]ta9 temptations sometimes s5t by ,satan4 ,?is is mo/ pr(itable4 ,*apt] ,,xiv4--,%e beg9s to expla9 ! second degree ( pray] 9 :i* ,god already gives ! s\l special consolations1 :i* %e %[s "h to be sup]natural4 ,?is is mo/ notewor?y4 ,*apt] ,,xv4--,cont9u+ ! same subject1 %e gives c]ta9 advice h[ "o %\ld behave 9 ! pray] ( quiet4 ,%e %[s t _m s\ls advance s f>1 b t few g beyond4 ,! matt]s treat$ ( 9 ?is *apt] are v necess>y & pr(itable4 ,*apt] ,,xvi4--,on ! ?ird degree ( pray]2 %e decl>es ?+s ( an elevat$ nature2 :at ! s\l t has come s f> c d1 & ! effect ( su* great graces ( ,god4 ,?is is calculat$ to greatly animate ! _s to ! praise ( ,god1 & conta9s advice = ^? :o h rea*$ ?is po9t4 ,*apt] ,,xvii4--,cont9ues to decl>e matt]s conc]n+ ! ?ird degree ( pray] & completes ! explanation ( its effects4 ,%e also treats ( ! imp$im5t caus$ by ! imag9ation & ! memory4 ,*apt] ,,xviii4--,%e treats ( ! f\r? degree ( pray]1 & beg9s to expla9 #c 9 :at high dignity ,god holds a s\l t has atta9$ ?is /ate2 ?is %\ld animate ^? :o are giv5 to pray]1 to make an ef=t to rea* s high a /ate s9ce x c be obta9$ 9 ?is _w1 ?\gh n by m]it b only ?r\gh ! goodness ( ,god4 #d ,*apt] ,,xix4--,%e cont9ues ! same subject1 & beg9s to expla9 ! effects on ! s\l ( ?is degree ( pray]4 ,%e e>ne/ly exhorts n to turn back nor to give up pray] ev5 if1 aft] hav+ receiv$ ?is fav\r1 "o %\ld fall4 ,%e %[s ! damage t w\ld result 7f ! neglect ( ?is advice74 ,?is is mo/ notewor?y & consol+ = ! weak & = s9n]s4 ,*apt] ,,xx4--,%e speaks ( ! diff]5ce betwe5 ,union & ,trance1 & expla9s :at a ,trance is2 %e also says some?+ ab\t ! good a s\l d]ives f be+1 ?r\gh ,god's goodness1 l$ s f>4 ,%e speaks ( ! effects ( ,union4 #e ,*apt] ,,xxi4--,%e cont9ues & concludes ?is la/ degree ( pray]1 & says :at a s\l hav+ rea*$ x feels :5 oblig$ to turn back & live 9 ! _w1 & speaks ( ! light ,god gives conc]n+ ! deceits 7( ! _w74 ,?is is good doctr9e4 ,*apt] ,,xxii4--,9 :i* %e %[s t ! safe/ way = contemplatives is n to lift up ! _s to high ?+s b to wait = ,god to lift x up4 ,h[ ! ,sacr$ ,humanity ( ,*ri/ is ! m$ium = ! mo/ exalt$ contemplation4 ,%e m5tions an error "u :i* %e lab\r$ = "s "t4 ,?is *apt] is mo/ pr(itable4 ,*apt] ,,xxiii4--,%e returns to ! hi/ory ( h] life1 h[ %e began to practise great] p]fection4 ,?is is pr(itable = ^? :o h to direct s\ls practis+ pray] t !y may "k h[ to deal ) beg9n]s1 & %e speaks ( ! pr(it %e d]iv$ f su* k4 ,*apt] ,,xxiv4--,%e cont9ues ! same subject & tells h[ h] s\l improv$ s9ce %e began to practise ob$i5ce1 & h[ little %e 0 able to resi/ ,god's graces1 & h[ ,8 ,maje/y cont9u$ to give !m m & m abundantly4 ,*apt] ,,xxv4--,( ! mann] 9 :i* ,locutions ( ,god are p]ceiv$ by ! s\l )\t be+ actually he>d2 & ( "s deceits t might take place 9 ?is matt]1 & h[ "o is to "k :i* is :i*4 ,?is is mo/ pr(itable = ^? :o are 9 ?is degree ( pray]1 because x is v well expla9$1 & conta9s excell5t doctr9e4 ,*apt] ,,xxvi4--,%e cont9ues ! same subject2 expla9s & tells ?+s t h happ5$ to h] :i* caus$ h] to lose fe> & conv9c$ h] t ! _s :i* spoke to h] 0 a good "o4 ,*apt] ,,xxvii4--,( ano!r way 9 :i* ,god tea*es a s\l1 &1 )\t speak+1 makes ,8 ,w kn[n 9 an admirable mann]4 ,%e goes on to expla9 a vision1 ?\gh n an imag9>y "o1 & a great grace ) :i* ,god fav\r$ h]4 ,?is *apt] is notewor?y4 ,*apt] ,,xxviii4--,%e treats ( ! great fav\rs ,god %[$ h]1 & h[ ,he appe>$ to h] = ! fir/ "t2 %e expla9s :at an imag9>y vision is1 & speaks ( ! p[]ful effects x leaves & ! signs :e!r x is f ,god4 ,?is *apt] is mo/ pr(itable & notewor?y4 ,*apt] ,,xxix4--,%e cont9ues & tells ( "s great m]cies ,god %[$ h]1 & :at ,8 ,maje/y said to h] 9 ord] to assure h] 7( ! tru? ( ^! visions71 & taught h] h[ to answ] contradictors4 ,*apt] ,,xxx4--,%e cont9ues ! hi/ory ( h] life1 & h[ ,god s5t h] a rem$y = all h] anxieties by call+ ! holy ,fri> ,fray ,p$ro de ,alcant>a ( ! ,ord] ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,francis to ! place :]e %e liv$4 ,%e m5tions "s great temptations & int]ior trials ?r\gh :i* %e sometimes _h to pass4 ,*apt] ,,xxxi4--,%e speaks ( "s ext]ior temptations & app>itions ( ,satan1 & h[ he ill-treat$ h]4 ,%e m5tions1 moreov]1 "s v good ?+s by way ( advice to p]sons :o are walk+ on ! way ( p]fection4 ,*apt] ,,xxxii4--,%e n>rates h[ x pleas$ ,god to put h] 9 _s 9 t place ( ,hell %e _h des]v$ by h] s9s4 ,%e tells a little #f ( :at %e saw !re comp>$ ) :at !re 0 besides4 ,%e beg9s to speak ( ! mann] & way ( f\nd+ ! conv5t ( ,/4 ,joseph :]e %e n[ lives4 ,*apt] ,,xxxiii4--,%e cont9ues ! subject ( ! f\ndation ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,joseph4 ,h[ %e 0 comm&$ to h no?+ 7fur!r7 to d ) x1 h[ %e ab&on$ x1 also ! tr\bles x br\ght h] & h[ ,god consol$ h] 9 all ?is4 ,*apt] ,,xxxiv4--,%e %[s h[ at t "t x happ5$ t %e abs5t$ h]self f ?is place & h[ h] ,sup]ior comm&$ h] to g away at ! reque/ ( a v noble lady :o 0 9 great affliction4 ,%e beg9s to tell :at happ5$ to h] !re1 & ! great grace ,god be/[$ ^u h] 9 det]m9+ ?r\gh h] in/rum5tality a p]son ( di/9ction to s]ve ,him truly2 & h[ t p]son f\nd fav\r & help 9 h] 7,t]esa74 ,?is is notewor?y4 ,*apt] ,,xxxv4--,cont9uation ( ! f\ndation ( ?is h\se ( our glori\s ,fa!r ,/4 ,joseph2 9 :at mann] our ,"l orda9$ t holy pov]ty %\ld be obs]v$ !re2 ! reason :y %e left ! lady ) :om %e _h be5 /ay+1 & "s o!r ?+s t happ5$4 ,*apt] ,,xxxvi4--,%e cont9ues ! same subject1 & %[s h[ ! f\ndation ( ?is conv5t ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,joseph 0 f9ally accompli%$1 & ! great contradictions & p]secutions %e _h to endure aft] ! ,religi\s _h tak5 ! habit1 & ! great trials & temptations ?r\gh :i* %e pass$1 & h[ ,god l$ h] =? victori\s to ,8 own glory & praise4 ,*apt] ,,xxxvii4--,( ! effects :i* rema9$ :5 ,god grant$ h] "s fav\r2 toge!r ) o!r v good doctr9e4 ,%e %[s h[ "o ought to /rive aft] & prize e increase 9 heav5ly glory1 & t = no tr\ble :atev] "o %\ld neglect a good t is to be p]petual4 ,*apt] ,,xxxviii4--,%e treats ( "s great m]cies ,god %[$ h]1 ev5 mak+ kn[n to h] heav5ly secrets by means ( visions & revelations ,8 ,maje/y v\*saf$ to grant h]2 %e speaks ( ! effects !y caus$ & ! great improvem5t result+ 9 h] s\l4 ,*apt] ,,xxxix4--,%e cont9ues ! same subject1 m5tion+ great graces grant$ h] by ,god2 h[ ,he promis$ to he> h] reque/s on behalf ( p]sons = :om %e %\ld pray4 ,"s rem>kable in/ances 9 :i* ,8 ,maje/y ?us fav\r$ h]4 ,*apt] ,,xl4--,cont9uation ( ! same subject ( great m]cies ,god has %[n h]4 ,f "s ( ^! v good doctr9e may be ga!r$1 & ?is1 z %e decl>es1 01 besides compliance ) ob$i5ce1 h] pr9cipal motive 79 writ+ ?is book71 namely to enum]ate su* ( ^! m]cies z w\ld be in/ructive to s\ls4 ,?is *apt] br+s ! hi/ory ( h] ,life1 writt5 by h]self1 to an end4 ,may x be = ! glory ( ,god4 ,am54 #a4 ,/4 ,t]esa wrote no title1 ei!r ( ! :ole book or ( ! ,preface1 b only ! monogram ,j4,h4,s41 :i* is repeat$ at ! beg9n+ ( ! fir/ *apt] & at ! end ( ! la/1 previ\s to ! lett] ) :i* ! volume concludes4 #b4 ,el ,seor is ev]y:]e translat$ by ,god 9 di/9ction to ,nue/ro ,seor1 ,our ,"l4 #c4 ,9 an excell5t mann]1 scor$ ?r\gh by ! ,sa9t h]self4 #d4 ,to be read ) great c>e1 z x is expla9$ 9 a mo/ delicate way1 & conta9s _m notewor?y po9ts1 also scor$ ?r\gh by ,/4 ,t]esa h]self4 #e4 ,?is is mo/ admirable1 scor$ ?r\gh by ! ,sa9t4 #f4 ,una cifra1 a m]e no?+4 ,preface by ,david ,lewis4 ,/4 ,t]esa 0 born 9 ,avila on ,w$nesday1 ,m>* #bh1 #aeae4 ,h] fa!r 0 ,don ,alfonso ,san*ez de ,cep$a1 & h] "m ,da ,beatriz ,davila y ,ahumada4 ,! "n %e receiv$ 9 h] baptism 0 common to bo? families1 = h] great-gr&mo!r on ! fa!r's side 0 ,t]esa ,san*ez1 & h] gr&mo!r on h] "m's side 0 ,t]esa de las ,cuevas4 ,:ile %e rema9$ 9 ! _w1 & ev5 aft] %e _h become a nun 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 :i* 0 "u ! mitigat$ rule1 %e 0 kn[n z ,da ,t]esa ,san*ez ,cep$a ,davila y ,ahumada2 = 9 ^? days *ildr5 took ! "n ei!r ( ! fa!r or ( ! "m1 z x pleas$ !m4 ,! two families 7 noble1 b t ( ,ahumada 0 no long] 9 possession ( its =m] weal? & p[]4 #a ,da ,beatriz 0 ! second wife ( ,don ,alfonso1 & 0 relat$ 9 ! f\r? degree to ! fir/ wife1 z appe>s f ! disp5sation grant$ to make ! m>riage valid on ! #af? ( ,octob]1 #aeji4 ,( ?is m>riage ,t]esa 0 ! ?ird *ild4 ,da ,beatriz di$ "y1 & ! elde/ daught]1 ,m>ia de ,cep$a1 took *>ge ( h] y\ng] si/]s--!y 7 two--& 0 z a second "m to !m till h] m>riage1 :i* took place 9 #aeca1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 9 h] sixte5? ye>4 ,b z %e 0 too "y to be left 9 *>ge ( h] fa!r's h\se1 & z h] education 0 n f9i%$1 %e 0 s5t to ! ,augu/9ian mona/]y1 ! nuns ( :i* receiv$ "y girls1 & br\ght !m up 9 ! fe> ( ,god4 #b ,! ,sa9t's own acc\nt is t %e 0 too giddy & c>eless to be tru/$ at home1 & t x 0 necess>y to put h] "u ! c>e ( ^? :o w\ld wat* ov] h] & correct h] ways4 ,%e rema9$ a ye> & a half ) ! ,augu/9ian nuns1 & all ! :ile ,god 0 call+ h] to ,himself4 ,%e 0 n will+ to li/5 to ,8 voice2 %e w\ld ask ! nuns to pray = h] t %e might h light to see h] way2 b = all ?is1 %e writes1 ,i wi%$ n to be a nun4 #c ,by degrees h] w yield$1 & %e _h "s incl9ation to become a religi\s at ! end ( ! eighte5 mon?s ( h] /ay1 b t 0 all4 ,%e became ill2 h] fa!r remov$ h]1 & ! /ruggle )9 h]self cont9u$1--on ! "o h&1 ! voice ( ,god call+ h]2 on ! o!r1 h]self lab\r+ to escape f h] vocation4 ,at la/1 aft] a /ruggle :i* la/$ ?ree mon?s1 %e made up h] m9d1 & aga9/ h] incl9ation1 to give up ! _w4 ,%e ask$ h] fa!r's leave1 & 0 refus$4 ,%e besieg$ him ?r\gh h] fri5ds1 b to no purpose4 ,! utmo/ ,i c\ld get f him1 %e says1 0 t ,i might d z ,i pleas$ aft] 8 dea?4 #d ,h[ long ?is conte/ ) h] fa!r la/$ is n kn[n1 b x is probable t x la/$ _m mon?s1 = ! ,sa9t 0 always mo/ c>eful ( ! feel+s ( o!rs1 & w\ld c]ta9ly h endur$ mu* r ?an displease a fa!r :om %e lov$ s mu*1 & :o also lov$ h] m ?an 8 o!r *ildr54 #e ,b %e _h to =sake h] fa!r1 & s %e left h] fa!r's h\se by /eal?1 tak+ ) h] "o ( h] bro!rs1 :om %e _h p]suad$ to give himself to ,god 9 religion4 ,! bro!r & si/] set out e>ly 9 ! morn+1 ! =m] = ! mona/]y ( ! ,dom9icans1 & ! latt] = ! ,c>melite mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 9 ,avila4 ,! nuns receiv$ h] into ! h\se1 b s5t ^w to h] fa!r ( 8 *ild's escape4 ,don ,alfonso1 h[ev]1 yield$ at once1 & cons5t$ to ! sacrifice :i* he 0 compell$ to make4 ,9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation ! ,sa9t 0 l$ on1 )\t h] own k1 to /ates ( pray] s high1 t %e became al>m$ ab\t h]self4 ,9 ! purity & simplicity ( h] s\l1 %e fe>$ t ! sup]natural visitations ( ,god might aft] all be no?+ else b delusions ( ,satan4 #f ,%e 0 s humble1 t %e c\ld n believe graces s great c\ld be giv5 to a s9n] l h]self4 ,! fir/ p]son %e consult$ 9 h] tr\ble seems to h be5 a layman1 relat$ to h] family1 ,don ,francisco de ,salc$o4 ,he 0 a m>ri$ man1 giv5 to pray]1 & a dilig5t frequ5t] ( ! !ological lectures 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,dom9icans4 ,?r\gh him %e obta9$ ! help ( a holy prie/1 ,gasp> ,daza1 to :om %e made kn[n ! /ate ( h] s\l4 ,! prie/1 h9d]$ by 8 o!r lab\rs1 decl9$ to be h] director1 & ! ,sa9t admits t %e c\ld h made no progress "u 8 guidance4 #g ,%e n[ plac$ h]self 9 ! h&s ( ,don ,francis1 :o enc\rag$ h] 9 e way1 &1 = ! purpose ( help+ h] onw>ds 9 ! way ( p]fection1 told h] ( ! difficulties he himself _h met )1 & h[ by ! grace ( ,god he _h ov]come !m4 ,b :5 ! ,sa9t told him ( ! great graces :i* ,god be/[$ ^u h]1 ,don ,francis became al>m$2 he c\ld n reconcile !m ) ! life ! ,sa9t 0 liv+1 accord+ to h] own acc\nt4 ,he nev] ?\ght ( d\bt+ ! ,sa9t's acc\nt1 & did n suspect h] ( exagg]at+ h] imp]fections 9 ! dep?s ( h] humility3 he ?\ght ! evil _s might h some?+ to d ) h]1 #h & advis$ h] to consid] c>efully h] way ( pray]4 ,don ,francis n[ appli$ aga9 to ,gasp> ,daza1 & ! two fri5ds consult$ toge!r2 b1 aft] mu* pray] on _! "p & on t ( ! ,sa9t1 !y came to ! conclusion t %e 0 delud$ by an evil _s1 & recomm5d$ h] to h rec\rse to ! fa!rs ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 lately settl$ 9 ,avila4 ,! ,sa9t1 n[ 9 great fe>1 b /ill hop+ & tru/+ t ,god w\ld n suff] h] to be deceiv$1 made prep>ations = a g5]al confession2 & committ$ to writ+ ! :ole /ory ( h] life1 & made kn[n ! /ate ( h] s\l to ,f4 ,juan de ,padranos1 "o ( ! fa!rs ( ! ,society4 ,f4 ,juan und]/ood x all1 & com=t$ h] by tell+ h] t h] way ( pray] 0 s\nd & ! "w ( ,god4 ,"u 8 direction %e made great progress1 & = ! fur!r satisfaction ( h] confessor1 & ( ,don ,francis1 :o seems to h /ill reta9$ "s ( 8 d\bts1 %e told ev]y?+ to ,/4 ,francis de ,borja1 :o on "o po9t *ang$ ! me?od ( direction obs]v$ by ,f4 ,juan4 ,t fa!r recomm5d$ h] to resi/ ! sup]natural visitations ( ! _s z mu* z %e c\ld1 b %e 0 n able1 & ! resi/ance pa9$ h]2 #i ,/4 ,francis told h] %e _h done en\gh1 & t x 0 n "r to prolong t resi/ance4 #aj ,! acc\nt ( h] life :i* %e wrote be=e %e appli$ to ! ,jesuits = direction has n be5 pres]v$2 b x is possible t x 0 made m = h] own security ?an = ! purpose ( be+ %[n to h] confessor4 ,! next acc\nt is ,relation ,i41 made = ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 & 0 probably se5 by _m2 = t ,sa9t _h to def5d h]1 & ma9ta9 t ! /ate ( h] s\l 0 ! "w ( ,god1 aga9/ ^? :o ?\ght t %e 0 delud$ by ,satan4 ,h] own confessor 0 occasionally al>m$1 & _h to consult o!rs1 & ?us1 by degrees1 h] /ate became kn[n to _m2 & !re 7 "s :o1 7 s p]suad$ ( h] delusions1 t !y wi%$ h] to be exorcis$ z "o possess$ ( an evil _s1 #aa & at a lat] "t h] fri5ds 7 afraid t %e might be d5\nc$ to ! ,inquisitors4 #ab ,dur+ ! tr\bles t arose :5 x became kn[n t ! ,sa9t 0 ab\t to f\nd ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 & !re9 e/abli% ! orig9al rule ( h] ,ord] 9 its primitive simplicity & au/]ity1 %e w5t = c\nsel to ! ,fa!r ,fra ,p$ro ,ibaez1 #ac ! ,dom9ican1 a mo/ holy & le>n$ prie/4 ,t fa!r n only enc\rag$ h]1 & comm5d$ h] "w1 b also ord]$ h] to give him 9 writ+ ! /ory ( h] spiritual life4 ,! ,sa9t readily obey$1 & began x 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 & f9i%$ x 9 ! h\se ( ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 9 ,tol$o1 9 ! mon? ( ,june1 #aefb4 ,on ! #bd? ( ,augu/1 ! fea/ ( ,/4 ,b>?olomew1 9 ! same ye>1 ! ,re=m ( ! ,c>melites began 9 ! new mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph 9 ,avila4 ,:at ! ,sa9t wrote = ,fra ,ibaez has n be5 f\nd4 ,x is1 no d\bt1 sub/antially pres]v$ 9 h] ,life1 z we h x n[1 & is suppos$ to h rea*$ no fur!r ?an ! end ( *4 xxxi4 ,:at foll[s 0 add$ by direction ( ano!r ,dom9ican fa!r1 confessor ( ! ,sa9t 9 ! new mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 ,fra ,g>cia ( ,tol$o1 :o1 9 #aefb1 bade h] write ! hi/ory ( t f\ndation1 & o!r matt]s4 ,b z ! ,sa9t c>ri$ a heavy burd5 laid on h] by ,god1 a con/ant fe> ( delusion1 %e _h rec\rse ab\t ! same "t to ! ,inquisitor ,soto1 :o advis$ h] to write a hi/ory ( h] life1 s5d x to ,juan ( ,avila1 ! ,apo/le ( ,&alucia1 & abide by 8 c\nsel4 ,z ! direction ( ,fra ,g>cia ( ,tol$o & ! advice ( ! ,inquisitor mu/ h be5 giv51 accord+ to h] acc\nt1 ab\t ! same "t1 ! ,life1 z we h x n[1 mu/ h occupi$ h] ne>ly six ye>s 9 ! writ+ ( x1 :i* may well be ow+ to h] unceas+ c>e 9 firmly e/abli%+ ! new mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,! book at la/ 0 s5t to ,bless$ ,juan ( ,avila by h] fri5d ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 & t great ma/] ( ! spiritual life wrote ! foll[+ c5sure ( x3 ,! grace & peace ( ,jesus ,*ri/ be ) y always4 #a4 ,:5 ,i und]took to read ! book s5t me1 x 0 n s mu* because ,i ?\ght myself able to judge ( x1 z because ,i ?\ght ,i might1 by ! grace ( our ,"l1 le>n some?+ f ! tea*+s x conta9s3 & prais$ be ,*ri/2 =1 ?\gh ,i h n be5 able to read x ) ! leisure x requires1 ,i h be5 com=t$ by x1 & might h be5 edifi$ by x1 if ! fault _h n be5 m9e4 ,& al?\gh1 inde$1 ,i may h be5 com=t$ by x1 )\t say+ m1 yet ! respect due to ! subject & to ! p]son :o has s5t x w n all[ me1 ,i ?9k1 to let x g back )\t giv+ my op9ion on x1 at lea/ 9 g5]al4 #b4 ,! book is n fit to be 9 ! h&s ( ev]ybody1 = x is necess>y to correct ! language 9 "s places1 & expla9 x 9 o!rs2 & !re are "s ?+s 9 x useful = y\r spiritual life & n s = o!rs :o might adopt !m1 = ! special ways by :i* ,god leads "s s\ls are n meant = o!rs4 ,^! po9ts1 or ! great] numb] ( !m1 ,i h m>k$ = ! purpose ( arrang+ !m :5 ,i %all be able to d s1 & ,i %all n fail to s5d !m to y2 = if y 7 aw>e ( my infirmities & necess>y occupations1 ,i believe !y w\ld make y pity me r ?an blame me = ! omission4 #c4 ,! doctr9e ( pray] is = ! mo/ "p s\nd1 & y may rely on x1 & obs]ve x2 & ! raptures ,i f9d to possess ! te/s ( ^? :i* are true4 ,:at y say ( ,god's way ( tea*+ ! s\l1 )\t respect to ! imag9ation & )\t int]ior locutions1 is safe1 & ,i f9d no?+ to object to x4 ,/4 ,augu/9e speaks well ( x4 #d4 ,int]ior locutions 9 ^! days h be5 a delusion ( _m1 & ext]ior locutions are ! lea/ safe4 ,x is easy en\gh to see :5 !y proce$ f ourselves1 b to di/+ui% betwe5 ^? ( a good & ^? ( an evil _s is m difficult4 ,!re are _m rules giv5 = f9d+ out :e!r !y come f our ,"l or n1 & "o ( !m is1 t !y %\ld be s5t u 9 a "t ( ne$1 or = "s good end1 z = ! com=t+ a man "u temptation or 9 d\bt1 or z a w>n+ ( com+ dang]4 ,z a good man w n speak unadvis$ly1 nei!r w ,god2 s1 consid]+ ?is1 & t ! locutions are agreeable to ! holy writ+s & ! tea*+ ( ! ,*ur*1 my op9ion is t ! locutions m5tion$ 9 ! book came f ,god4 #e4 ,imag9>y or bodily visions are ^? :i* are mo/ d\btful1 & %\ld 9 no wise be desir$1 & if !y come undesir$ /ill !y %\ld be %unn$ z mu* z possible1 yet n by treat+ !m ) contempt1 unless x be c]ta9 t !y come f an evil _s2 inde$1 ,i 0 fill$ ) horror1 & greatly di/ress$1 :5 ,i read ( ! ge/ures ( contempt t 7 made4 #ad ,p ought to entreat our ,"l n to lead !m by ! way ( visions1 b to res]ve = !m 9 ,heav5 ! bless$ vision ( ,himself & ! sa9ts1 & to guide !m "h along ! beat5 pa? z ,he guides ,8 fai?ful s]vants1 & !y mu/ take o!r good measures = avoid+ ^! visions4 #f4 ,b if ! visions cont9ue aft] all ?is is done1 & if ! s\l d]ives good f !m1 & if !y d n lead to vanity1 b deep] humility1 & if ! locutions be at "o ) ! tea*+ ! ,*ur*1 & if !y cont9ue = any "t1 & t ) inw>d satisfaction--bett] felt ?an describ$--!re is no reason = avoid+ !m4 ,b no "o ought to rely on 8 own judgm5t h]e92 he %\ld make ev]y?+ kn[n to him :o c give him light4 ,t is ! univ]sal rem$y to be _h rec\rse to 9 su* matt]s1 toge!r ) hope 9 ,god1 ,:o w n let a s\l t wi%es to be safe lie "u a delusion1 if x be humble en\gh to yield ob$i5ce to ! op9ion ( o!rs4 #g4 ,nor %\ld any "o cause al>m by condemn+ !m =?)1 because he sees t ! p]son to :om !y are grant$ is n p]fect1 = x is no?+ new t our ,"l 9 ,8 goodness makes wick$ p j1 yea1 ev5 griev\s s9n]s2 by giv+ !m to ta/e mo/ deeply ( ,8 sweetness4 ,i h se5 x s myself4 ,:o w set b\nds to ! goodness ( our ,"l8--especially :5 ^! graces are giv51 n = m]it1 nor because "o is /rong]2 on ! contr>y1 !y are giv5 to "o because he is weak]2 & z !y d n make "o m holy1 !y are n always giv5 to ! mo/ holy4 #h4 ,!y are unreasonable :o disbelieve ^! ?+s m]ely because !y are mo/ high ?+s1 & because x seems to !m incr$ible t inf9ite ,maje/y humbles ,himself to ^! lov+ relations ) "o ( ,8 creatures4 ,x is writt51 ,god is love1 & if ,he is love1 !n inf9ite love & inf9ite goodness1 & we mu/ n be surpris$ if su* a love & su* a goodness breaks out into su* excesses ( love z di/urb ^? :o "k no?+ ( x4 ,& ?\gh _m "k ( x by fai?1 /ill1 z to t special exp]i5ce ( ! lov+1 & m ?an lov+1 conv]se ( ,god ) :om ,he w1 if n _h1 h[ deep x rea*es c nev] be kn[n2 & s ,i h se5 _m p]sons sc&aliz$ at he>+ ( :at ,god 9 ,8 love does = ,8 creatures4 ,z !y are !mselves v f> away f x1 !y _c ?9k t ,god w d = o!rs :at ,he is n do+ = !m4 ,z ?is is an effect ( love1 & t a love :i* causes wond]1 reason requires we %\ld look ^u x z a sign ( its be+ f ,god1 see+ t ,he is wond]ful 9 ,8 works1 & mo/ especially 9 ^? ( 8 compassion2 b !y take occasion f ?is to be di/ru/ful1 :i* %\ld h be5 a gr\nd ( confid5ce1 :5 o!r circum/ances comb9e z evid5ces ( ^! visitations be+ good4 #i4 ,x seems f ! book1 ,i ?9k1 t y h resi/$1 & ev5 long] ?an 0 "r4 ,i ?9k1 too1 t ^! locutions h done y\r s\l good1 & 9 p>ticul> t !y h made y see y\r own wret*$ness & y\r faults m cle>ly1 & am5d !m4 ,!y h la/$ long1 & always ) spiritual pr(it4 ,!y move y to love ,god1 & to despise y\rself1 & to d p5ance4 ,i see no reasons = condemn+ !m1 ,i incl9e r to reg>d !m z good1 provid$ y are c>eful n to rely altoge!r on !m1 especially if !y are unusual1 or bid y d some?+ out ( ! way1 or are n v pla94 ,9 all ^! & ! l cases y mu/ )hold y\r belief 9 !m1 & at once seek = direction4 #aj4 ,also x %\ld be consid]$ t1 ev5 if !y d come f ,god1 ,satan may mix ) !m sugge/ions ( 8 own2 y %\ld !re=e be always suspici\s ( !m4 ,also1 :5 !y are kn[n to be f ,god1 m5 mu/ n re/ mu* on !m1 see+ t hol9ess does n lie 9 !m1 b 9 a humble love ( ,god & our neighb\r2 ev]y?+ else1 h[ev] good1 mu/ be fe>$1 & our ef=ts direct$ to ! ga9+ ( humility1 goodness1 & ! love ( our ,"l4 ,x is seemly1 also1 n to wor%ip :at is se5 9 ^! visions1 b only ,jesus ,*ri/1 ei!r z 9 ,heav5 or 9 ! ,sacram5t1 or1 if x be a vision ( ! ,sa9ts1 !n to lift up ! he>t to ! ,holy ,"o 9 ,heav51 & n to t :i* is pres5t$ to ! imag9ation3 let x suffice t ! imag9ation may be made use ( = ! purpose ( rais+ me up to t :i* x makes me see4 #aa4 ,i say1 too1 t ! ?+s m5tion$ 9 ?is book befall o!r p]sons ev5 9 ?is our day1 & t !re is great c]ta9ty t !y come f ,god1 ,^: arm is n %ort5$ t ,he _c d n[ :at ,he did 9 times pa/1 & t 9 weak vessels1 = ,8 own glory4 #ab4 ,g on y\r road1 b always suspect+ robb]s1 & ask+ = ! "r way2 give ?anks to our ,"l1 ,:o has giv5 y ,8 love1 ! k ( y\rself1 & a love ( p5ance & ! cross1 mak+ no acc\nt ( ^! o!r ?+s4 ,h[ev]1 d n despise !m ei!r1 = !re are signs t mo/ ( !m come f our ,"l1 & ^? t d n come f ,him w n hurt y if y ask = direction4 #ac4 ,i _c believe t ,i h writt5 ?is 9 my own /r5g?1 = ,i h none1 b x is ! effect ( y\r pray]s4 ,i beg ( y1 = ! love ( ,jesus ,*ri/ our ,"l1 to burd5 y\rself ) a pray] = me2 ,he kn[s t ,i am ask+ ?is 9 great ne$1 & ,i ?9k t is en\gh to make y grant my reque/4 ,i ask y\r p]mission to /op n[1 = ,i am b\nd to write ano!r lett]4 ,may ,jesus be glorifi$ 9 all & by all6 ,am54 ,y\r s]vant1 = ,*ri/'s sake4 ,juan de ,avila ,montilla1 #ab? ,sept41 #aefh4 ,h] confessors1 hav+ se5 ! book1 comm&$ h] to make copies ( x1 #ae "o ( :i* has be5 trac$ into ! possession ( ! ,duke & ,du*ess ( ,alva4 ,! ,pr9cess ( ,eboli1 9 #aefi1 obta9$ a copy f ! ,sa9t h]self1 aft] mu* importunity2 b x 0 m out ( vanity or curiosity1 x is to be fe>$1 ?an f any real desire to le>n ! /ory ( ! ,sa9t's spiritual life1 t ! ,pr9cess desir$ ! boon4 ,%e & h] husb& promis$ to keep x f ! k ( o!rs1 b ! promise giv5 0 n kept4 ,! ,sa9t he>d )9 a few days lat] t ! book 0 9 ! h&s ( ! s]vants ( ! ,pr9cess1 :o 0 angry ) ! ,sa9t because %e _h refus$ to admit1 at ! reque/ ( ! ,pr9cess1 an ,augu/9ian nun into ! ,ord] ( ,c>mel 9 ! new f\ndation ( ,pa/rana4 ,! cont5ts ( ! book 7 bruit$ abroad1 & ! visions & revelations ( ! ,sa9t 7 said to be ( a l nature ) ^? ( ,magdal5e ( ! ,cross1 a delud$ & delud+ nun4 ,! gossip 9 ! h\se ( ! ,pr9cess 0 c>ri$ to ,madrid1 & ! result 0 t ! ,inquisition began to make a se>* = ! book4 #af ,x is n q cle>1 h[ev]1 t x 0 seiz$ at ?is "t4 ,! ,pr9cess became a wid[ 9 ,july1 #aegc1 & insi/$ on becom+ a ,c>melite nun 9 ! h\se %e & h] husb&1 ,ruy ,gomez1 _h f\nd$ 9 ,pa/rana4 ,:5 ! news ( h] resolve rea*$ ! mona/]y1 ! "m-prioress1 ,isabel ( ,/4 ,dom9ic1 exclaim$1 ,! ,pr9cess a nun6 ,i look on ! h\se z ru9$4 ,! ,pr9cess came1 & insi/$ on h] "r z f\ndress2 %e _h compell$ a fri> to give h] ! habit be=e h] husb& 0 buri$1 & :5 %e came to ,pa/rana %e began h] religi\s life by ! mo/ complete disob$i5ce & disreg>d ( common propriety4 ,don ,vic5te's description ( h] is almo/ lit]ally correct1 ?\gh int5d$ only = a g5]al summ>y ( h] mo/ *ildi% conduct3 ,on ! dea? ( ! ,pr9ce ( ,eboli1 ! ,pr9cess w\ld become a nun 9 h] mona/]y ( ,pa/rana4 ,! fir/ day %e _h a fit ( viol5t f]v\r2 on ! next %e relax$ ! rule2 on ! ?ird %e broke x1 & conv]s$ ) secul> p )9 ! cloi/]s4 ,%e 0 also s humble t %e requir$ ! nuns to speak to h] on _! knees1 & insi/$ ^u _! receiv+ into ! h\se z religi\s :omsoev] %e pleas$4 ,h]eupon compla9ts 7 made to ,/4 ,t]esa1 :o remon/rat$ ) ! ,pr9cess1 & %[$ h] h[ mu* %e 0 9 ! wrong1 :]eupon %e repli$ t ! mona/]y 0 h]s2 b ! ,sa9t prov$ to h] t ! nuns 7 n1 & _h !m remov$ to ,segovia4 #ag ,! nuns 7 )drawn f ,pa/rana 9 ,april1 #aegd1 & !n ! ang] ( ! ,pr9cess prevail$2 %e s5t ! ,life ( ! ,sa9t1 :i* %e _h /ill 9 h] possession1 to ! ,inquisition1 & d5\nc$ x z a book conta9+ visions1 revelations1 & dang]\s doctr9es1 :i* ! ,inquisitors %\ld look into & exam9e3 ,! book 0 =?) giv5 to !ologians = exam9ation1 & two ,dom9ican fri>s1 ( :om ,baes 0 "o1 7 delegat$ c5sors ( x by ! ,inquisition4 #ah ,fra ,baes did n "k ! ,sa9t :5 he und]took h] def5ce 9 ,avila aga9/ ! au?orities ( ! city1 eag] to de/roy ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph2 #ai b f t "t =? he 0 "o ( h] mo/ fai?ful fri5ds1 /rict & ev5 sev]e1 z became a wise director :o _h a great ,sa9t = 8 p5it5t4 ,he te/ifies 9 ! process ( h] beatification t he 0 firm & %>p ) h]2 :ile %e h]self 0 ! m desir\s ( 8 c\nsel1 ! m he humbl$ h]1 & ! less he appe>$ to e/eem h]4 #bj ,:5 he f\nd t copies ( h] life 7 9 ! h&s ( secul> p1--he _h probably also he>d ( ! misconduct ( ! ,pr9cess ( ,eboli1--he %[$ 8 displeasure to ! ,sa9t1 & told h] he w\ld burn ! book1 x be+ unseemly t ! writ+s ( wom5 %\ld be made public4 ,! ,sa9t left x 9 8 h&s1 b ,fra ,baes1 /ruck ) h] humility1 _h n ! c\rage to burn x2 he s5t x to ! ,holy ,(fice 9 ,madrid4 #ba ,?us ! book 0 9 a s5se d5\nc$ twice1--once by an enemy1 ! second "t by a fri5d1 to save x4 ,bo? ! ,sa9t & h] confessor1 ,fra ,baes1 /ate t ! copy giv5 up by ! latt] 0 s5t to ! ,inquisition 9 ,madrid1 & ,fra ,baes says s twice 9 8 deposition4 ,! ,inquisitor ,soto return$ ! copy to ,fra ,baes1 desir+ him to read x1 & give 8 op9ion !reon4 ,fra ,baes did s1 & wrote 8 c5sure ( ! book on ! blank leaves at ! end4 ,t c5sure /ill rema9s1 & is "o ( ! mo/ important1 because giv5 dur+ ! lifetime ( ! ,sa9t1 & :ile _m p]sons 7 cry+ out aga9/ h]4 ,baes wi%$ x _h be5 publi%$ :5 ! ,sa9t's ,life 0 giv5 to ! _w by ,fra ,luis de ,leon2 b not)/&+ its value1 & its be+ pres]v$ 9 ! book :i* is 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t1 no "o be=e ,don ,vic5te made x kn[n4 ,x 0 easy en\gh to praise ! writ+s ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 & to admit h] sanctity1 aft] h] dea?4 ,fra ,baes _h no ext]nal help 9 ! applause ( ! _m1 & he _h to judge ! book z a !ologian1 & ! ,sa9t z "o ( 8 ord9>y p5it5ts4 ,:5 he wrote1 he wrote l a man ^: :ole life 0 sp5t1 z he tells u himself1 9 lectur+ & disput+4 #bb ,t c5sure is z foll[s3 #a4 ,?is book1 :]e9 ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 ,c>melite nun1 & f\ndress ( ! ,b>efoot$ ,c>melites1 gives a pla9 acc\nt ( ! /ate ( h] s\l1 9 ord] to be taught & direct$ by h] confessors1 has be5 exam9$ by me1 & ) mu* att5tion1 & ,i h n f\nd any:]e 9 x any?+ :i*1 9 my op9ion1 is errone\s 9 doctr9e4 ,on ! contr>y1 !re are _m ?+s 9 x highly edify+ & in/ructive = ^? :o give !mselves to pray]4 ,! great exp]i5ce ( ?is religi\s1 h] discretion also & h] humility1 :i* made h] always seek = light & le>n+ 9 h] confessors1 enabl$ h] to speak ) an accuracy on ! subject ( pray] t ! mo/ le>n$ m51 ?r\gh _! want ( exp]i5ce1 h n always atta9$ to4 ,"o ?+ only !re is ab\t ! book t may reasonably cause any hesitation till x %all be v c>efully exam9$2 x conta9s _m visions & revelations1 matt]s always to be afraid (1 especially 9 wom51 :o are v ready to believe ( !m t !y come f ,god1 & to look on !m z pro(s ( sanctity1 ?\gh sanctity does n lie 9 !m4 ,on ! contr>y1 !y %\ld be reg>d$ z dang]\s trials = ^? :o are aim+ at p]fection1 because ,satan is wont to trans=m himself into an angel ( light1 #bc & to deceive s\ls :i* are curi\s & ( scant humility1 z we h se5 9 our day3 nev]!less1 we mu/ n !re=e lay d[n a g5]al rule t all revelations & visions come f ! devil4 ,if x 7 s1 ,/4 ,paul c\ld n h said t ,satan trans=ms himself into an angel ( light1 if ! angel ( light did n sometimes enlight5 u4 #b4 ,sa9ts1 bo? m5 & wom51 h _h revelations1 n only 9 anci5t1 b also 9 mod]n times2 su* 7 ,/4 ,dom9ic1 ,/4 ,francis1 ,/4 ,v9c5t ,f]r]1 ,/4 ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a1 ,/4 ,g]trude1 & _m o!rs t might be nam$2 & z ! ,*ur* ( ,god is1 & is to be1 always holy to ! end1 n only because h] pr(ession is hol9ess1 b because !re are 9 h] j p]sons & p]fect 9 hol9ess1 x is unreasonable to despise visions & revelations1 & condemn !m 9 "o sweep1 see+ !y are ord9>ily accompani$ ) mu* goodness & a ,*ri/ian life4 ,on ! contr>y1 we %\ld foll[ ! say+ ( ! ,apo/le 9 #a ,!ss4 v4 #ai-bb3 ',spiritum nolite ext+u]e4 ,prophetias nolite sp]n]e4 ,omnia autem probate3 quod bonum e/ t5ete4 ,ab omni specie mala ab/9ete vos4' ,he :o w read ,/4 ,?omas on t passage w see h[ c>efully !y are to be exam9$ :o1 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,god1 manife/ any p>ticul> gift t may be pr(itable or hurtful to our neighb\r1 & h[ wat*ful ! exam9]s ought to be le/ ! fire ( ! ,_s ( ,god %\ld be qu5*$ 9 ! good1 & o!rs c[$ 9 ! practices ( ! p]fect ,*ri/ian life4 #c4 ,judg+ by ! revelations made to h]1 ?is woman1 ev5 ?\gh %e may be deceiv$ 9 some?+1 is at lea/ n h]self a deceiv]1 because %e tells all ! good & ! bad s simply1 & ) s great a wi% to be correct1 t no d\bt c be made z to h] good int5tion2 & ! great] ! reason = try+ spirits ( ?is k9d1 because !re are p]sons 9 our day :o are deceiv]s ) ! appe>ance ( piety1 ! m necess>y x is to def5d ^? :o1 ) ! appe>ance1 h also ! reality1 ( piety4 ,= x is a /range ?+ to see h[ lax & worldly p delight 9 see+ ^? discr$it$ :o h an appe>ance ( goodness4 ,god compla9$ ( old1 by ! ,prophet ,ezekiel1 *4 xiii41 ( ^? false prophets :o made ! j to m\rn & :o flatt]$ s9n]s1 say+3 ',ma]]e feci/i cor ju/i m5dacit]1 quem ,ego non contri/avi3 et com=ta/is manus impii4' ,9 a c]ta9 s5se ?is may be said ( ^? :o fright5 s\ls :o are go+ on by ! way ( pray] & p]fection1 tell+ !m t ?is way is s+ul> & full ( dang]1 t _m :o w5t by x h fall5 into delusions1 & t ! safe/ way is t :i* is pla9 & common1 travell$ by all4 #d4 ,words ( ?is k9d1 cle>ly1 sadd5 ! he>ts ( ^? :o w\ld obs]ve ! c\nsels ( p]fection 9 cont9ual pray]1 s f> z x is possible = !m1 & 9 mu* fa/+1 wat*+1 & discipl9es2 &1 on ! o!r h&1 ! lax & ! wick$ take c\rage & lose ! fe> ( ,god1 because !y consid] ! way on :i* !y are travell+ z ! saf]3 & ?is is _! delusion1--!y call t a pla9 & safe road :i* is ! abs5ce ( ! k & consid]ation ( ! dang]s & precipices amid/ :i* we are all ( u j\rney+ 9 ?is _w4 ,nev]!less1 !re is no o!r security ?an t :i* lies 9 our kn[+ our daily enemies1 & 9 humbly implor+ ! compassion ( ,god1 if we w\ld n be _! prison]s4 ,besides1 !re are s\ls :om ,god1 9 a way1 con/ra9s to ent] on ! way ( p]fection1 & :o1 if !y relax$ 9 _! f]v\r1 c\ld n keep a middle c\rse1 b w\ld imm$iately fall into ! o!r extreme ( s9s1 & = s\ls ( ?is k9d x is ( ! utmo/ necessity t !y %\ld wat* & pray )\t ceas+2 &1 9 %ort1 !re is nobody :om lukew>mness does n injure4 ,let e man exam9e 8 own consci5ce1 & he w f9d ?is to be ! tru?4 #e4 ,i firmly believe t if ,god = a "t be>s ) ! lukew>m1 x is ow+ to ! pray]s ( ! f]v5t1 :o are cont9ually cry+1 'et ne nos inducas 9 t5tationem4' ,i h said ?is1 n = ! purpose ( hon\r+ ^? :om we see walk+ 9 ! way ( contemplation2 = x is ano!r extreme into :i* ! _w falls1 & a cov]t p]secution ( goodness1 to pron\nce ^? holy =?) :o h ! appe>ance ( x4 ,= t w\ld be to furni% !m ) motives = va9-glory1 & w\ld d little hon\r to goodness2 on ! contr>y1 x w\ld expose x to great risks1 because1 :5 !y fall :o h be5 objects ( praise1 ! hon\r ( goodness suff]s m ?an if ^? p _h n be5 s e/eem$4 ,& s ,i look ^u ?is exagg]ation ( _! hol9ess :o are /ill liv+ 9 ! _w to be a temptation ( ,satan4 ,t we %\ld h a good op9ion ( ! s]vants ( ,god is mo/ j1 b let u consid] !m always z p 9 dang]1 h[ev] good !y may be1 & t _! goodness is n s evid5t t we c be sure ( x ev5 n[4 #f4 ,consid]+ myself t :at ,i h said is true1 ,i h always proce$$ cauti\sly 9 ! exam9ation ( ?is acc\nt ( ! pray] & life ( ?is nun1 & no "o has be5 m incr$ul\s ?an myself z to h] visions & revelations1--n s1 h[ev] z to h] goodness & h] good desires1 = h]e9 ,i h _h great exp]i5ce ( h] tru?fulness1 h] ob$i5ce1 mortification1 pati5ce1 & *>ity t[>ds h] p]secutors1 & ( h] o!r virtues1 :i* any "o :o w conv]se ) h] w disc]n2 & ?is is :at may be reg>d$ z a m c]ta9 pro( ( h] real love ( ,god ?an ^! visions & revelations4 ,i d n1 h[ev]1 und]value h] visions1 revelations1 & ec/asies2 on ! contr>y1 ,i suspect !m to be ! "w ( ,god1 z !y h be5 9 o!rs :o 7 ,sa9ts4 ,b 9 ?is case x is always saf] to be afraid & w>y2 = if %e is confid5t ab\t !m1 ,satan w take occasion to int]f]e1 & t :i* 0 once1 p]haps1 ! "w ( ,god1 may be *ang$ into some?+ else1 & t w be ! devil's4 #g4 ,i am ( op9ion t ?is book is n to be %[n to e "o1 b only to m5 ( le>n+1 exp]i5ce1 & ,*ri/ian discretion4 ,x p]fectly answ]s ! purpose = :i* x 0 writt51 namely1 t ! nun %\ld give an acc\nt ( ! /ate ( h] s\l to ^? :o _h ! *>ge ( x1 9 ord] t %e might n fall into delusions4 ,( "o ?+ ,i am v sure1 s f> z x is possible = a man to be1--%e is n a deceiv]2 %e des]ves1 !re=e1 = h] s9c]ity1 t all %\ld be fav\rable to h] 9 h] good purposes & good works4 ,= )9 ! la/ ?irte5 ye>s %e has1 ,i believe1 f\nd$ a doz5 mona/]ies ( ,b>efoot$ ,c>melite nuns1 ! au/]ity & p]fection ( :i* are exce$$ by none o!r2 ( :i* !y :o h be5 visitors ( !m1 z ! ,dom9ican ,prov9cial1 ma/] 9 !ology1 #bd ,fra ,p$ro ,f]n&ez1 ! ma/] ,fra ,h]n&o del ,ca/illo1 & _m o!rs1 speak highly4 ,?is is :at ,i ?9k1 at pres5t1 conc]n+ ! c5sure ( ?is book1 submitt+ my judgm5t h]e9 to t ( ,holy ,*ur* our "m1 & h] m9i/]s4 ,giv5 9 ! ,college ( ,/4 ,gregory1 ,valladolid1 on ! six? day ( ,july1 #aege4 ,fra ,dom+o ,baes4 ,! book rema9$ 9 ! keep+ ( ! ,inquisition1 & ! ,sa9t nev] saw x aga94 ,b %e he>d ( x f ! ,ar*bi%op ( ,tol$o1 ,c>d9al ,quiroga1 ,presid5t ( ! ,supreme ,c\rt ( ! ,inquisition1 :5 %e appli$ to him = lic5se to f\nd a mona/]y 9 ,madrid4 ,j]ome ( ! ,"m ( ,god 0 ) h]2 & he>d ! ,c>d9al's reply4 ,8 ,em95ce said he 0 glad to see h]2 t a book ( h]s _h be5 9 ! ,holy ,(fice = "s ye>s1 & _h be5 rigor\sly exam9$2 t he _h read x himself1 & reg>d$ x z conta9+ s\nd & :olesome doctr9e4 ,he w\ld grant ! lic5se1 & d :atev] he c\ld = ! ,sa9t4 ,:5 %e he>d ?is1 %e wi%$ to pres5t a petition to ! ,inquisition = ! re/itution ( h] book2 b ,gratian ?\ght x bett] to apply to ! ,duke ( ,alba = ! copy :i* he _h1 & :i* ! ,inquisitors _h all[$ him to reta9 & read4 ,! ,duke gave 8 book to ,fra ,j]ome1 :o _h copies ( x made = ! use ( ! mona/]ies bo? ( m5 & wom54 #be ,anne ( ,jesus1 9 #aehf1 f\nd+ a mona/]y ( h] ,ord] 9 ,madrid1--! ,sa9t _h di$ 9 #aehb1--made inquiries ab\t ! book1 & appli$ to ! ,inquisition = x1 = %e 0 resolv$ to publi% ! writ+s ( h] spiritual "m4 ,! ,inquisitors made no difficulty1 & cons5t$ to ! publication4 ,9 ?is %e 0 second$ by ! ,empress ,m>ia1 daught] ( ,*>les ,v41 & wid[ ( ,maximilian ,,ii41 :o _h obta9$ "o ( ! copies :i* ,fra ,j]ome ( ! ,"m ( ,god _h ord]$ to be made4 ,fra ,ni*olas ,doria1 !n ,prov9cial1 ask$ ,fra ,luis de ,leon1 ! ,augu/9ian1 to edit ! book1 :o cons5t$4 ,he 0 all[$ to comp>e ! copy furni%$ him ) ! orig9al 9 ! keep+ ( ! ,inquisition2 b 8 edition has n be5 consid]$ accurate1 not)/&+ ! facilities giv5 him1 & 8 great rev]5ce = ! ,sa9t4 ,x 0 publi%$ 9 ,salamanca1 ,a4,d4 #aehh4 ,) ! ,life ( ! ,sa9t1 ,fra ,luis de ,leon receiv$ c]ta9 pap]s 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t1 :i* he publi%$ z an additional *apt]4 ,:e!r he pr9t$ all he receiv$1 or m]ely made extracts1 may be d\btful1 b anyh[ t *apt] is s+ul>ly incomplete4 ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te1 f ^: edition 7,madrid1 #ahfa1 #ahfb7 ?is translation has be5 made1 omitt$ ! additional *apt] ( ,fra ,luis de ,leon1 contr>y to ! practice ( 8 pr$ecessors4 ,b he has done m1 = he has trac$ ! p>agraphs ( t *apt] to _! s\rces1 & has giv5 u n[ a collection ( pap]s :i* =m almo/ ano!r ,life ( ! ,sa9t1 to :i* he has giv5 _! old "n ( ,relations1 #bf ! "n :i* ! ,sa9t h]self _h giv5 !m4 #bg ,"s ( !m are usually pr9t$ among ! ,sa9t's lett]s1 & portions ( "s ( ! o!rs are f\nd 9 ! ,lives ( ! ,sa9t writt5 by ,rib]a & ,yepes1 & 9 ! ,*ronicle ( ! ,ord]2 ! re/ 0 publi%$ = ! fir/ "t by ,don ,vic5te3 ! arrangem5t ( ! :ole is due to him4 ,! ,relations are t5 9 ! ,spani% edition1 & elev5 9 ! translation4 ,! la/1 ! elev5?1 has hi!rto be5 left among ! lett]s1 & ,don ,vic5te1 seem+ly n )\t "s hesitation1 s left x2 b z x is ( ! l nature ) ! ,relations1 x has n[ be5 add$ to !m4 ,! orig9al text1 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t1 is pres]v$ 9 ! ,escurial1 n 9 ! libr>y1 b among ! relics ( ! ,*ur*4 ,don ,vic5te exam9$ x at 8 leisure1 & aft]w>ds f\nd 9 ! ,national ,libr>y 9 ,madrid an au!ntic & exact transcript ( x1 made by ord] ( ,f]d9& ,,vi4 ,8 edition is1 !re=e1 f> bett] ?an any ( its pr$ecessors2 b x is possible t ev5 n[ !re may /ill rema9 "s v]bal errors = future editors to correct4 ,! mo/ consci5ti\s dilig5ce is n a safegu>d aga9/ mi/akes4 ,f4 ,b\ix says t 9 *4 xxxiv4 #ab1 ! read+ ( ! orig9al diff]s f t ( ! pr9t$ editions2 yet ,don ,vic5te takes no notice ( x1 & reta9s ! common read+4 ,x is impossible to believe t ,f4 ,b\ix has /at$ z a fact t :i* is n4 ,aga91 9 *4 xxxix4 #bi1 ! pr9t$ editions h aft] ! words1 ,?\ art ,m9e1 & ,i am ?9e1 ,i am 9 ! habit 4 4 4 4 s9c]ity2 b ,don ,vic5te omits !m4 ,?is may h be5 an ov]sight1 = 9 g5]al he po9ts out 9 8 notes all ! discrepancies betwe5 ! pr9t$ editions & ! orig9al text4 ,a new translation ( ! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa seems call$ = n[1 because ! orig9al text has be5 collat$ s9ce ! previ\s translations 7 made1 & also because ^? translations are exce$+ly sc>ce4 ,! fir/ is believ$ to be ?is--x is a small qu>to3 ,! ,lyf ( ! ,"m ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 ,f\ndresse ( ! ,mona/]ies ( ! ,discalc$ or ,b>e-foot$ ,c>melite ,nunnes & ,fry]s ( ! ,fir/ ,rule4 ,writt5 by h]self at ! commaundem5t ( h] gho/ly fa!r1 & n[ translat$ into ,engli% out ( ,spani%4 ,by ,w4,m41 ( ! ,society ( ,jesus4 ,impr9t$ 9 ,antw]p by ,h5ry ,jaye4 ,anno ,,mdcxi4 ,"s ?irty ye>s aft]w>ds1 ,sir ,tobias ,mat!w1 ,s4,j41 dissatisfi$1 z he says1 ) ! =m] translation1 publi%$ ano!r1 ) ! foll[+ title2 ! volume is a small octavo 9 =m3 ,! ,flam+ ,h>t1 or ! ,life ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,t]esa1 ,f\ndresse ( ! ,re=mation ( ! ,ord] ( ! ,all-,immaculate ,virg9 ,"m1 our ,b4 ,lady ( ,m\nt ,c>mel4 ,?is ,hi/ory ( h] ,life 0 writt5 by ! ,sa9t 9 ,spani%1 & is newly translat$ into ,engli% 9 ! ye> ( our ,"l ,god #afdb4 ',aut mori aut pati3 ,ei!r to dye or else to suff]4'--,*ap4 xl4 ,antw]pe1 pr9t$ by ,joannes ,meursius4 ,anno ,,mdcxlii4 ,! next translation 0 made by ,abraham ,woodhead1 & publi%$ 9 #afga1 )\t ! "n ( ! translator1 or ( ! pr9t]1 or ( ! place ( publication4 ,x is 9 qu>to1 & be>s ! foll[+ title3 ,! ,life ( ! ,holy ,"m ,/4 ,t]esa1 ,f\ndress ( ! ,re=mation ( ! ,discalc$ ,c>melites accord+ to ! ,primitive ,rule4 ,pr9t$ 9 ! ye> ,,mdclxxi4 ,x is n said t ! translation 0 made f ! ,spani%1 & !re are gr\nds = ?9k+ x to h be5 made f ! ,italian4 ,*4 xxxii4 is brok5 (f at ! end ( #aj2 & *4 xxxiii41 !re=e1 is *4 xxxvii4 ,t :i* is !re omitt$ has be5 ?r[n into ! ,book ( ! ,f\ndations1 :i*1 9 ! translation ( ,mr4 ,woodhead1 beg9s ) #aa ( *4 xxxii4 ( ! ,life1 z x also does 9 ! ,italian translation4 ,x is due1 h[ev]1 to ,mr4 ,woodhead to say t he has pr9t$ five ( ! ,relations sep>ately1 n z lett]s1 b z :at !y really are1 & ) t designation4 ,! la/ translation is t ( ! ,v ,rev]5d ,john ,dalton1 ,canon ( ,nor?ampton1 :i* is n[1 ?\gh twice publi%$1 almo/ z sc>ce z its pr$ecessors4 ,! title is3 ,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 writt5 by h]self1 & translat$ f ! ,spani% by ! ,rev4 ,john ,dalton4 ,london1 ,,mdcccli4 ,septuagesima1 #ahgj4 #a4 ,fr4 ,anton4 a ,/4 ,joseph1 9 8 note on lett] #af1 b lett] #da1 vol4 iv4 ed4 ,doblado4 #b4 ,re=ma de los ,descalos4 lib4 i4 *4 vii4 #c4 #c4 ,*4 iii4 #b4 #d4 ,*4 iii4 #i4 #e4 ,*4 i4 #c4 #f4 ,*4 xxiii4 #b4 #g4 ,*4 xxiii4 #h4 #h4 ,id4 #ab4 #i4 ,*4 xxiv4 #a4 #aj4 ,id4 #d4 #aa4 ,*4 xxix4 #d4 #ab4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #f4 #ac4 ,! ,sa9t held him 9 great rev]5ce1 & 9 "o ( h] lett]s--lett4 #cee1 b lett4 #ajj1 vol4 ii4 ed4 ,doblado--calls him a f\nd] ( h] ,ord]1 because ( ! great s]vices he _h r5d]$ h]1 & told h] nuns ( ,seville t !y ne$ n be veil$ 9 8 pres5ce1 ?\gh !y mu/ be s 9 ! pres5ce ( ev]ybody else1 & ev5 ! fri>s ( ! ,re=m4 #ad4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxix4 #f4 #ae4 ,rel4 vii4 #i4 #af4 ,re=ma de los ,descalos1 lib4 ii4 c4 xxviii4 #f4 #ag4 ,introduccion al libro de la ,vida1 vol4 i4 p4 #c4 #ah4 ,j]ome ,gratian1 ,lucid>io1 c4 iv4 #ai4 ,life1 *4 xxxvi4 #ae4 #bj4 ,! ,sa9t says ( h]self1 ,rel4 vii4 #ah1 t %e took ! greate/ pa9s n to submit ! /ate ( h] s\l to any "o :o %e ?\ght w\ld believe t ^! ?+s came f ,god1 = %e 0 in/antly afraid t ! devil w\ld deceive !m bo?4 #ba4 ,rel4 vii4 #af4 #bb4 ,como hombre criado toda mi vida en le] y disput> 7,de la ,fu5te1 ii4 p4 #cgf74 #bc4 #b ,cor4 xi4 #ad3 ,ipse enim ,satanas transfigurat se 9 angelum lucis4 #bd4 ,! o!r !ologian appo9t$ by ! ,inquisition1 ) ,fra ,baes1 to exam9e ! ,life4 #be4 ,?is took place 9 ! ye> #aehj1 accord+ to ! ,*ronicl] ( ! ,ord] 7,re=ma de los ,descalos1 lib4 v4 c4 xxxv4 #d72 & ! ,boll&i/s 7n4 #aecf7 accept 8 /atem5t4 ,fra ,j]ome says he 0 ,prov9cial ( 8 ,ord] at ! "t2 & z he 0 elect$ only on ! #d? ( ,m>*1 #aeha1 accord+ to ! ,*ronicl] & ! ,boll&i/s1 x is m likely t ! audi5ce grant$ to !m by ! ,c>d9al took place 9 #aeha4 #bf4 ,re=ma de los ,descalos1 lib4 v4 c4 xxxiv4 #d3 ,relaciones de su espiritu4 #bg4 ,rel4 ii4 #ah4 ,annals ( ! ,sa9t's ,life4 ,by ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te4 ,^! are sub/antially ! same ) ^? drawn up by ! ,boll&i/s1 b !y are full] & m m9ute1 & furni% a m detail$ hi/ory ( ! ,sa9t4 #aeae4 ,/4 ,t]esa is born 9 ,avila1 ,m>* #bh?4 #a #aebb4 ,%e desires m>tyrdom1 & leaves h] fa!r's h\se ) "o ( h] bro!rs4 #aebg4 #b ,dea? ( h] "m4 #aebi4 ,writes romances ( *ivalry1 & is misl$ by a ?\ghtless c\s94 #aeca4 ,h] si/] ,m>ia's m>riage1 & h] removal f home to ! ,augu/9ian mona/]y1 :]e %e rema9s till ! autumn ( next ye>4 #aecc4 #c ,nov4 #b1 ent]s ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation4 #aecd4 ,nov4 #c1 makes h] pr(ession4 #aece4 ,goes to ,ca/ellanos de la ,caada1 to h] si/]'s h\se1 :]e %e rema9s till ! spr+ ( #aecf1 :5 %e goes to ,bezadas4 #aecg4 ,returns to ,avila on ,palm ,sunday4 ,9 ,july s]i\sly ill1 & 9 a trance = f\r days1 :5 9 h] fa!r's h\se4 ,p>alys$ = m ?an two ye>s4 #aeci4 ,is cur$ ( h] p>alysis by ,/4 ,joseph4 #aeda4 ,beg9s to gr[ lukew>m1 & gives up m5tal pray]4 #aedb4 ,our ,"l appe>s to h] 9 ! p>l\r ( ! mona/]y1 /]n & grave *4 vii4 #aa1 see note !re4 #aeee4 ,ceases to conv]se ) secul> p1 mov$ !reto by ! sight ( a picture ( our ,"l on ! cross *4 ix4 #a4 ,! ,jesuits come to ,avila & ! ,sa9t confesses to ,f4 ,juan de ,padranos4 #aeef4 ,beg9n+ ( ! sup]natural visitations4 #aeeg4 ,/4 ,francis de ,borja comes to ,avila1 & approves ( ! _s ( ! ,sa9t4 #aeeh4 ,fir/ rapture ( ! ,sa9t *4 xxiv4 #g4 ,! vision ( ,hell *4 xxxii4 #a4 ,fa!r ,alv>ez orda9$ prie/4 #aeei4 ,%e takes ,f4 ,alv>ez = h] confessor4 ,! transpi]c+ ( h] he>t *4 xxix4 #ag4 ,vision ( our ,"l ris5 f ! dead *4 xxvii4 #c1 *4 xxviii4 #b4 #aefj4 ,! v[ ( great] p]fection4 ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a approves ( h] _s1 & ,/4 ,luis ,beltran enc\rages h] to proce$ ) h] plan ( f\nd+ a new mona/]y4 #aefa4 ,f4 ,gasp> de ,salaz>1 ,s4,j41 comes to ,avila2 h] si/] ,da ,juana comes to ,avila f ,alba de ,tormes to help ! ,sa9t 9 ! new f\ndation *4 xxxiii4 #ac4 ,re/ores h] nephew to ,life *4 xxxv4 #ad1 note4 ,fra ,ibaez bids h] write h] ,life4 ,receives a sum ( money f h] bro!r 9 ,p]u1 :i* enables h] to g on ) ! build+ ( ! new h\se4 #aefb4 ,goes to ,tol$o1 to ! h\se ( ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 & f9i%es ! acc\nt ( h] ,life4 ,makes ! acqua9tance ( ,fra ,baes1 aft]w>ds h] pr9cipal director1 & ,fra ,g>cia ( ,tol$o1 bo? ,dom9icans4 ,receives a visit f ,m>ia ( ,jesus4 ,has a revelation t h] si/]1 ,da ,m>ia1 w die sudd5ly *4 xxxiv4 #bd4 ,returns to ,avila & takes possession ( ! new mona/]y1 ,augu/ #bd4 ,tr\bles 9 ,avila4 ,! ,sa9t ord]$ back to ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation4 ,is comm&$ by ,fra ,g>cia ( ,tol$o to write ! hi/ory ( ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph4 #a4 ,9 ! same ye> ,/4 ,philip 0 born 9 ,flor5ce4 ,/4 ,t]esa di$ 9 #aehb1 & ,/4 ,philip 9 #aeie2 b !y 7 canonis$ on ! same day1 ) ,/4 ,isidore1 ,/4 ,ignatius1 & ,/4 ,francis ,xavi]4 ,! ?ree latt] 7 jo9$ toge!r 9 ! ?ree f9al consi/ories held be=e ! solemn proclamation ( _! sanctity1 & ,/4 ,t]esa & ,/4 ,philip 7 jo9$ toge!r 9 ! same way 9 ! f9al consi/ories held specially1 z usual1 = !m4 #b4 ,?is mu/ be an error4 ,see *4 i4 #g1 note #g4 #c4 ,!re is a difficulty ab\t ?is4 ,! ,boll&i/s ma9ta9 t %e w5t to ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation 9 ! ye> #aecc4 ,on ! o!r h& ,rib]a1 h] mo/ accurate biograph]--) :om ,fra ,j]ome agrees1--says t %e left h] fa!r's h\se 9 #aece1 :5 %e 0 m ?an tw5ty ye>s ( age2 ,yepes1 t %e 0 n yet tw5ty2 & ! ,second ,relation ( ! ,rota1 t %e 0 9 h] tw5tie? ye>4 ,! ,bull ( ,canonisation & ! ,(fice 9 ! ,brevi>y also say t %e 0 9 h] tw5tie? ye>1 t is1 ,a4,d4 #aecd4 ,! ,*ronicl] ( ! ,ord] diff]s f all & assigns ! ye> #aecf z ! ye> 9 :i* %e ent]$ ! mona/]y4 ,! ,life ( ! ,holy ,"m ,t]esa ( ,jesus4 ,writt5 by ,h]self4 ,prologue4 ,z ,i h be5 comm&$ & left at lib]ty to describe at l5g? my way ( pray]1 & ! work+s ( ! grace ( our ,"l )9 me1 ,i c\ld wi% t ,i _h be5 all[$ at ! same "t to speak di/9ctly & 9 detail ( my griev\s s9s & wick$ life4 ,b x has n be5 s will$2 on ! contr>y1 ,i am laid h]e9 "u great re/ra9t2 & !re=e1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 ,i beg ( e "o :o %all read ?is /ory ( my life #a to keep 9 m9d h[ wick$ x has be52 & h[1 among ! ,sa9ts :o 7 conv]t$ to ,god1 ,i h nev] f\nd "o 9 :om ,i c h any com=t4 ,= ,i see t !y1 aft] our ,"l _h call$ !m1 nev] fell into s9 aga92 ,i n only became worse1 b1 z x seems to me1 delib]ately )/ood ! graces ( ,8 ,maje/y1 because ,i saw t ,i 0 !reby b\nd to s]ve ,him m e>ne/ly1 kn[+1 at ! same "t1 t ( myself ,i c\ld n pay ! lea/ portion ( my debt4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev] ,:o wait$ = me s long6 ,i implore ,him ) my :ole he>t to s5d me ,8 grace1 s t 9 all cle>ness & tru? ,i may give ?is acc\nt ( myself :i* my confessors comm& me to give2 & ev5 our ,"l ,himself1 ,i "k x1 has also will$ x %\ld be giv5 = "s "t pa/1 b ,i _h n ! c\rage to attempt x4 ,& ,i pray x may be to ,8 praise & glory1 & a help to my confessors2 :o1 kn[+ me bett]1 may succ\r my weakness1 s t ,i may r5d] to our ,"l "s portion ( ! s]vice ,i owe ,him4 ,may all creatures praise ,him = ev]6 ,am54 #a4 ,! ,sa9t1 9 a lett] writt5 ,novemb] #ai1 #aeha1 to ,don ,p$ro de ,ca/ro1 !n canon ( ,avila1 speak+ ( ?is book1 calls x ! book ,( ! compassions ( ,god--,y ansi intitule ese libro ,de las ,mis]icordias de ,dios4 ,t lett] is ! #ceh? 9 ! edition ( ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te1 & ! #h? ( ! f\r? volume ( ! ,doblado edition ( ,madrid4 ,vitam igitur suam int]nam et sup]naturalem magis p&it quam n>rat actiones suas m]e humanas 7,boll&i/s1 n4 #b74 ,*apt] ,i4 ,*ildhood & ,e>ly ,impressions4 ,! ,bless+ ( ,pi\s ,p>5ts4 ,desire ( ,m>tyrdom4 ,dea? ( ! ,sa9t's ,"m4 #a4 ,i _h a fa!r & "m1 :o 7 dev\t & fe>$ ,god4 ,our ,"l also help$ me ) ,8 grace4 ,all ?is w\ld h be5 en\gh to make me good1 if ,i _h n be5 s wick$4 ,my fa!r 0 v mu* giv5 to ! read+ ( good books2 & s he _h !m 9 ,spani%1 t 8 *ildr5 might read !m4 ,^! books1 ) my "m's c>efulness to make u say our pray]s1 & to br+ u up dev\t to our ,lady & to c]ta9 ,sa9ts1 began to make me ?9k s]i\sly :5 ,i 01 ,i believe1 six or sev5 ye>s old4 ,x help$ me1 too1 t ,i nev] saw my fa!r & "m respect any?+ b goodness4 ,!y 7 v good !mselves4 ,my fa!r 0 a man ( great *>ity t[>ds ! poor1 & compassion = ! sick1 & also = s]vants2 s mu* s1 t he nev] c\ld be p]suad$ to keep slaves1 = he piti$ !m s mu*3 & a slave belong+ to "o ( 8 bro!rs be+ once 9 8 h\se1 0 treat$ by him ) z mu* t5d]ness z 8 own *ildr54 ,he us$ to say t he c\ld n endure ! pa9 ( see+ t %e 0 n free4 ,he 0 a man ( great tru?fulness2 nobody ev] he>d him swe> or speak ill ( any "o2 8 life 0 mo/ pure4 #b4 ,my "m also 0 a woman ( great goodness1 & h] life 0 sp5t 9 great infirmities4 ,%e 0 s+ul>ly pure 9 all h] ways4 ,?\gh possess+ great beauty1 yet 0 x nev] kn[n t %e gave reason to suspect t %e made any acc\nt :atev] ( x2 =1 ?\gh %e 0 only ?ree-&-?irty ye>s ( age :5 %e di$1 h] app>el 0 already t ( a woman advanc$ 9 ye>s4 ,%e 0 v calm1 & _h great s5se4 ,! suff]+s %e w5t ?r\gh dur+ h] life 7 griev\s1 h] dea? mo/ ,*ri/ian4 #a #c4 ,we 7 ?ree si/]s & n9e bro!rs4 #b ,all1 by ! m]cy ( ,god1 resembl$ _! p>5ts 9 goodness except myself1 ?\gh ,i 0 ! mo/ *]i%$ ( my fa!r4 ,&1 be=e ,i began to (f5d ,god1 ,i ?9k he _h "s reason1--= ,i am fill$ ) sorr[ :5ev] ,i ?9k ( ! good desires ) :i* our ,"l inspir$ me1 & :at a wret*$ use ,i made ( !m4 ,besides1 my bro!rs nev] 9 any way h9d]$ me 9 ! s]vice ( ,god4 #d4 ,"o ( my bro!rs 0 ne>ly ( my own age2 #c & he x 0 :om ,i mo/ lov$1 ?\gh ,i 0 v fond ( !m all1 & !y ( me4 ,he & ,i us$ to read ,lives ( ,sa9ts toge!r4 ,:5 ,i read ( m>tyrdom und]gone by ! ,sa9ts = ! love ( ,god1 x /ruck me t ! vision ( ,god 0 v *eaply pur*as$2 & ,i _h a great desire to die a m>tyr's dea?1--n out ( any love ( ,him ( :i* ,i 0 consci\s1 b t ,i might mo/ quickly atta9 to ! fruition ( ^? great joys ( :i* ,i read t !y 7 res]v$ 9 ,heav52 & ,i us$ to discuss ) my bro!r h[ we c\ld become m>tyrs4 ,we settl$ to g toge!r to ! c\ntry ( ! ,moors1 #d begg+ our way = ! love ( ,god1 t we might be !re behead$2 #e & our ,"l1 ,i believe1 _h giv5 u c\rage en\gh1 ev5 at s t5d] an age1 if we c\ld h f\nd ! means to proce$2 b our greate/ difficulty seem$ to be our fa!r & "m4 #e4 ,x a/oni%$ u greatly to f9d x said 9 :at we 7 read+ t pa9 & bliss 7 ev]la/+4 ,we happ5$ v (t5 to talk ab\t ?is2 & we _h a pleasure 9 repeat+ frequ5tly1 ,= ev]1 ev]1 ev]4 ,?r\gh ! con/ant utt]+ ( ^! words1 our ,"l 0 pleas$ t ,i %\ld receive an abid+ impression ( ! way ( tru? :5 ,i 0 yet a *ild4 #f4 ,z soon z ,i saw x 0 impossible to g to any place :]e p w\ld put me to dea? = ! sake ( ,god1 my bro!r & ,i set ab\t becom+ h]mits2 & 9 an or*>d belong+ to ! h\se we contriv$1 z well z we c\ld1 to build h]mitages1 by pil+ up small /ones "o on ! o!r1 :i* fell d[n imm$iately2 & s x came to pass t we f\nd no means ( accompli%+ our wi%4 ,ev5 n[1 ,i h a feel+ ( devotion :5 ,i consid] h[ ,god gave me 9 my e>ly y\? :at ,i lo/ by my own fault4 ,i gave alms z ,i c\ld--& ,i c\ld b little4 ,i contriv$ to be alone1 = ! sake ( say+ my pray]s #f--;& !y 7 _m--especially ! ,ros>y1 to :i* my "m _h a great devotion1 & _h made u also 9 ?is l h]self4 ,i us$ to delight exce$+ly1 :5 play+ ) o!r *ildr51 9 ! build+ ( mona/]ies1 z if we 7 nuns2 & ,i ?9k ,i wi%$ to be a nun1 ?\gh n s mu* z ,i did to be a m>tyr or a h]mit4 #g4 ,i rememb] t1 :5 my "m di$1 #g ,i 0 ab\t twelve ye>s old--a little less4 ,:5 ,i began to und]/& my loss1 ,i w5t 9 my affliction to an image ( our ,lady1 #h & ) _m te>s implor$ h] to be my "m4 ,i did ?is 9 my simplicity1 & ,i believe t x 0 ( s]vice to me2 = ,i h by exp]i5ce f\nd ! royal ,virg9 help me :5ev] ,i recomm5d$ myself to h]2 & at la/ %e has br\ght me back to h]self4 ,x di/resses me n[1 :5 ,i ?9k (1 & reflect on1 t :i* kept me f be+ e>ne/ 9 ! good desires ) :i* ,i began4 #h4 ,o my ,"l1 s9ce ,?\ art det]m9$ to save me--may x be ! pleasure ( ,?y ,maje/y to effect x6--& to be/[ ^u me s _m graces1 :y has x n be5 ,?y pleasure also--n = my advantage1 b = ,?y great] hon\r--t ?is habitation1 :]e9 ,?\ ha/ cont9ually to dwell1 %\ld n h contract$ s mu* defilem5t8 ,x di/resses me ev5 to say ?is1 ,o my ,"l1 because ,i "k ! fault is all my own1 see+ t ,?\ ha/ left no?+ undone to make me1 ev5 f my y\?1 :olly ,?9e4 ,:5 ,i w\ld compla9 ( my p>5ts1 ,i _c d x2 = ,i saw no?+ 9 !m b all good1 & c>efulness = my welf>e4 ,!n1 gr[+ up1 ,i began to discov] ! natural gifts :i* our ,"l _h giv5 me--!y 7 said to be _m2 &1 :5 ,i %\ld h giv5 ,him ?anks = !m1 ,i made use ( e "o ( !m1 z ,i %all n[ expla91 to (f5d ,him4 #a4 ,see *4 xxxvii4 #a2 :]e ! ,sa9t says t %e saw !m 9 a vision bo? 9 ,heav54 #b4 ,alfonso ,san*ez de ,cep$a1 fa!r ( ! ,sa9t1 m>ri$ fir/ ,catal9a del ,peso y ,h5ao1 & _h ?ree *ildr5--"o daught]1 ,m>ia de ,cep$a1 & two sons4 ,aft] ! dea? ( ,catal9a1 he m>ri$ ,beatriz ,davila y ,ahumada1 by :om he _h n9e *ildr5--sev5 boys & two girls4 ,! ?ird ( ^!1 & ! elde/ ( ! daught]s1 0 ! ,sa9t1 ,da ,t]esa ,san*ez ,cep$a ,davila y ,ahumada4 ,9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 :]e %e 0 a pr(ess$ nun = tw5ty-eight ye>s1 %e 0 kn[n z ,da ,t]esa2 b 9 ! ye> #aefc1 :5 %e left h] mona/]y = ! new f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph1 ( ! ,re=m ( ! ,c>melites1 %e took = ! fir/ "t ! "n ( ,t]esa ( ,jesus 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,! ,sa9t 0 born ,m>* #bh1 #aeae1 & baptiz$ on ! #d? ( ,april1 9 ! *ur* ( ,/4 ,john2 on :i* day ,mass 0 said = ! fir/ "t 9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 :]e ! ,sa9t made h] pr(ession4 ,h] godfa!r 0 ,vela ,nuez1 & h] godmo!r ,da ,m>ia del ,aguila4 ,! ,boll&i/s & ,fa!r ,b\ix say t %e 0 baptiz$ on ! v day ( h] bir?4 ,b ! te/imony ( ,da ,m>ia de ,p9el1 a nun 9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 is cle>3 & ,don ,vic5te de ,la ,fu5te1 quot+ x1 vol4 i4 p4 #edi1 says t ?is delay ( baptism 0 no?+ s+ul> 9 ^? days1 provid$ !re 0 no dang] ( dea?4 #c4 ,rodrigo de ,cep$a1 f\r ye>s old] ?an ! ,sa9t1 ent]$ ! army1 &1 s]v+ 9 ,s\? ,am]ica1 0 dr[n$ 9 ! riv] ,plate1 ,rio de la ,plata4 ,/4 ,t]esa always consid]$ him a m>tyr1 because he di$ 9 def5ce ( ! ,ca?olic fai? 7,rib]a1 lib4 i4 *4 iii474 ,be=e he sail$ = ! ,indies1 he made 8 w1 & left all 8 prop]ty to ! ,sa9t1 8 si/] 7,re=ma de los ,descalos1 vol4 i4 lib4 i4 *4 iii4 #d74 #d4 ,! ,boll&i/s incl9e to believe t ,/4 ,t]esa may n h int5d$ to quit ,spa91 because all ! ,moors 7 n at t "t driv5 out ( ! c\ntry4 ,! ,bull ( ! ,sa9t's canonization1 & ! ,lections ( ! ,brevi>y1 say t %e left h] fa!r's h\se1 ut 9 ,africam trajic]et4 #e4 ,! two *ildr5 set out on _! /range j\rney--"o ( !m sev51 ! o!r elev51 ye>s old--?r\gh ! ,adaja ,gate2 b :5 !y _h cross$ ! bridge1 !y 7 met by "o ( _! uncles1 :o br\ght !m back to _! "m1 :o _h already s5t ?r\gh ,avila 9 que/ ( !m4 ,rodrigo1 l ,adam1 excus$ himself1 & laid ! blame on ! woman 7,rib]a1 lib4 i4 *4 iii474 ,francisco de ,santa ,m>ia1 *ronicl] ( ! ,ord]1 says t ! uncle 0 ,francisco ,alv>ez de ,cep$a 7,re=ma de los ,descalos1 lib4 i4 *4 v4 #d74 #f4 ,%e 0 also m>vell\sly t\*$ by ! /ory ( ! ,sam>itan woman at ! well1 ( :om !re 0 a picture 9 h] room 7,rib]a1 lib4 i4 *4 iv474 ,%e speaks ( ?is lat] on4 7,see *4 xxx4 #bd47 #g4 ,! la/ w & te/am5t ( ,da ,beatriz de ,ahumada 0 made ,novemb] #bd1 #aebh & %e may h di$ soon aft]4 ,if !re be no mi/ake 9 ! copy ( t in/rum5t1 ! ,sa9t mu/ h be5 m ?an twelve ye>s old at t "t4 ,don ,vic5te1 9 a note1 says1 ) ! ,boll&i/s1 t ,da ,beatriz di$ at ! end ( ! ye> #aebf1 or 9 ! beg9n+ ( #aebg2 b x is probable t1 :5 he wrote t note1 he _h n read ! copy ( ! w1 :i* he has pr9t$ 9 ! fir/ volume ( ! ,sa9t's writ+s1 p4 #eej4 #h4 ,our ,lady ( ,*>ity1 9 ! *ur* ( ! hospital :]e ! poor & pilgrims 7 receiv$ 9 ,avila 7,b\ix74 ,*apt] ,,ii4 ,e>ly ,impressions4 ,dang]\s ,books & ,companions4 ,! ,sa9t ,is ,plac$ 9 a ,mona/]y4 #a4 ,:at ,i %all n[ speak ( 01 ,i believe1 ! beg9n+ ( great h>m to me4 ,i (t5 ?9k h[ wrong x is ( p>5ts n to be v c>eful t _! *ildr5 %\ld always1 & 9 e way1 see only t :i* is good2 = ?\gh my "m 01 z ,i h j said1 s good h]self1 nev]!less ,i1 :5 ,i came to ! use ( reason1 did n d]ive s mu* good f h] z ,i ought to h done--almo/ none at all2 & ! evil ,i le>n$ did me mu* h>m4 ,%e 0 v fond ( books ( *ivalry2 b ?is pa/ime did n hurt h] s mu* z x hurt me1 because %e nev] wa/$ h] "t on !m2 only we1 h] *ildr51 7 left at lib]ty to read !m2 & p]haps %e did ?is to di/ract h] ?\ghts f h] great suff]+s1 & occupy h] *ildr51 t !y might n g a/ray 9 o!r ways4 ,x annoy$ my fa!r s mu*1 t we _h to be c>eful he nev] saw u4 ,i contract$ a habit ( read+ ^! books2 & ?is little fault :i* ,i obs]v$ 9 my "m 0 ! beg9n+ ( lukew>mness 9 my good desires1 & ! occasion ( my fall+ away 9 o!r respects4 ,i ?\ght !re 0 no h>m 9 x :5 ,i wa/$ _m h\rs night & day 9 s va9 an occupation1 ev5 :5 ,i kept x a secret f my fa!r4 ,s completely 0 ,i ma/]$ by ?is passion1 t ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld nev] be happy )\t a new book4 #b4 ,i began to make mu* ( dress1 to wi% to please o!rs by my appe>ance4 ,i took pa9s ) my h&s & my hair1 us$ p]fumes1 & all vanities )9 my rea*--& !y 7 _m1 = ,i 0 v mu* giv5 to !m4 ,i _h no evil int5tion1 because ,i nev] wi%$ any "o to (f5d ,god = me4 ,?is fa/idi\sness ( excessive neatness #a la/$ "s ye>s2 & s also did o!r practices1 :i* ,i ?\ght !n 7 n at all s9ful2 n[1 ,i see h[ wrong all ?is mu/ h be54 #c4 ,i _h "s c\s9s2 = into my fa!r's h\se no o!rs 7 all[$ an entrance4 ,9 ?is he 0 v cauti\s2 & w\ld to ,god he _h be5 cauti\s ab\t !m6--= ,i see n[ ! dang] ( conv]s+1 at an age :5 virtue %\ld beg9 to gr[1 ) p]sons :o1 kn[+ no?+ !mselves ( ! vanity ( ! _w1 provoke o!rs to ?r[ !mselves into ! mid/ ( x4 ,^! c\s9s 7 ne>ly ( m9e own age--a little old]1 p]haps4 ,we 7 always toge!r2 & !y _h a great affection = me4 ,9 ev]y?+ t gave !m pleasure1 ,i kept ! conv]sation alive1--li/5$ to ! /ories ( _! affections & *ildi% follies1 good = no?+2 &1 :at 0 /ill worse1 my s\l began to give itself up to t :i* 0 ! cause ( all its disord]s4 ,if ,i 7 to give advice1 ,i w\ld say to p>5ts t !y ought to be v c>eful :om !y all[ to mix ) _! *ildr5 :5 "y2 = mu* mis*ief !nce ensues1 & our natural incl9ations are unto evil r ?an unto good4 #d4 ,s x 0 ) me2 = ,i _h a si/] mu* old] ?an myself1 #b f ^: mode/y & goodness1 :i* 7 great1 ,i le>n$ no?+2 & le>n$ e evil f a relative :o 0 (t5 9 ! h\se4 ,%e 0 s light & frivol\s1 t my "m took great pa9s to keep h] out ( ! h\se1 z if %e =esaw ! evil ,i %\ld le>n f h]2 b %e c\ld n succe$1 !re be+ s _m reasons = h] com+4 ,i 0 v fond ( ?is p]son's company1 gossip$ & talk$ ) h]2 = %e help$ me 9 all ! amusem5ts ,i lik$1 &1 :at is m1 f\nd "s = me1 & communicat$ to me h] own conv]sations & h] vanities4 ,until ,i knew h]1 ,i mean1 until %e became fri5dly ) me1 & communicat$ to me h] own affairs--,i 0 !n ab\t f\rte5 ye>s old1 a little m1 ,i ?9k--,i d n believe t ,i turn$ away f ,god 9 mortal s91 or lo/ ! fe> ( ,him1 ?\gh ,i _h a great] fe> ( disgrace4 ,?is latt] fe> _h su* sway ov] me1 t ,i nev] :olly =feit$ my good "n--&1 z to t1 !re 0 no?+ 9 ! _w = :i* ,i w\ld h b>t]$ x1 & nobody 9 ! _w ,i lik$ well en\gh :o c\ld h p]suad$ me to d x4 ,?us ,i might h _h ! /r5g? nev] to d any?+ aga9/ ! hon\r ( ,god1 z ,i _h x by nature n to fail 9 t :]e9 ,i ?\ght ! hon\r ( ! _w consi/$2 & ,i nev] obs]v$ t ,i 0 fail+ 9 _m o!r ways4 ,9 va9ly seek+ aft] x ,i 0 extremely c>eful2 b 9 ! use ( ! means necess>y = pres]v+ x ,i 0 utt]ly c>eless4 ,i 0 anxi\s only n to be lo/ altoge!r4 #e4 ,?is fri5d%ip di/ress$ my fa!r & si/] exce$+ly4 ,!y (t5 blam$ me = x2 b1 z !y c\ld n h9d] t p]son f com+ into ! h\se1 all _! ef=ts 7 9 va92 = ,i 0 v adroit 9 do+ any?+ t 0 wrong4 ,n[ & !n1 ,i am amaz$ at ! evil "o bad companion c d1--nor c\ld ,i believe x if ,i did n "k x by exp]i5ce1--especially :5 we are "y3 !n is x t ! evil mu/ be greate/4 ,oh1 t p>5ts w\ld take w>n+ by me1 & look c>efully to ?is6 ,s x 02 ! conv]sation ( ?is p]son s *ang$ me1 t no trace 0 left ( my s\l's natural disposition to virtue1 & ,i became a reflection ( h] & ( ano!r :o 0 giv5 to ! same k9d ( amusem5ts4 #f4 ,i "k f ?is ! great advantage ( good companions2 & ,i am c]ta9 t if at t t5d] age ,i _h be5 ?r[n among good p1 ,i %\ld h p]sev]$ 9 virtue2 = if at t "t ,i _h f\nd any "o to tea* me ! fe> ( ,god1 my s\l w\ld h gr[n /rong en\gh n to fall away4 ,aft]w>ds1 :5 ! fe> ( ,god _h utt]ly dep>t$ f me1 ! fe> ( di%on\r alone rema9$1 & 0 a torm5t to me 9 all ,i did4 ,:5 ,i ?\ght t nobody w\ld ev] "k1 ,i v5tur$ ^u _m ?+s t 7 nei!r hon\rable nor pleas+ unto ,god4 #g4 ,9 ! beg9n+1 ^! conv]sations did me h>m--,i believe s4 ,! fault 0 p]haps n h]s1 b m9e2 = aft]w>ds my own wick$ness 0 en\gh to lead me a/ray1 toge!r ) ! s]vants ab\t me1 :om ,i f\nd ready en\gh = all evil4 ,if any "o ( ^! _h giv5 me good advice1 ,i might p]haps h pr(it$ by x2 b !y 7 bl9d$ by int]e/1 z ,i 0 by passion4 ,/ill1 ,i 0 nev] incl9$ to mu* evil1--= ,i hat$ naturally any?+ di%on\rable1--b only to ! amusem5t ( a pleasant conv]sation4 ,! occasion ( s91 h[ev]1 be+ pres5t1 dang] 0 at h&1 & ,i expos$ to x my fa!r & bro!rs4 ,god deliv]$ me out ( x all1 s t ,i %\ld n be lo/1 9 a mann] visibly aga9/ my w1 yet n s secretly z to all[ me to escape )\t ! loss ( my good "n & ! suspicions ( my fa!r4 #h4 ,i _h n sp5t1 ,i ?9k1 ?ree mon?s 9 ^! vanities1 :5 !y took me to a mona/]y #c 9 ! city :]e ,i liv$1 9 :i* *ildr5 l myself 7 br\ght up1 ?\gh _! way ( life 0 n s wick$ z m9e4 ,?is 0 done ) ! utmo/ concealm5t ( ! true reason1 :i* 0 kn[n only to myself & "o ( my k9dr$4 ,!y wait$ = an opportunity :i* w\ld make ! *ange seem no?+ out ( ! way2 =1 z my si/] 0 m>ri$1 x 0 n fitt+ ,i %\ld rema9 alone1 )\t a "m1 9 ! h\se4 #i4 ,s excessive 0 my fa!r's love = me1 & s deep my dissembl+1 t he nev] w\ld believe me to be s wick$ z ,i 02 & h5ce ,i 0 nev] 9 disgrace ) him4 ,?\gh "s rem>ks 7 made1 yet1 z ! "t _h be5 %ort1 no?+ c\ld be positively ass]t$2 &1 z ,i 0 s mu* afraid ab\t my good "n1 ,i _h tak5 e c>e to be secret2 & yet ,i nev] consid]$ t ,i c\ld conceal no?+ f ,him ,:o see? all ?+s4 ,o my ,god1 :at evil is done 9 ! _w by disreg>d+ ?is1 & ?9k+ t any?+ c be kept secret t is done aga9/ ,!e6 ,i am q c]ta9 t great evils w\ld be avoid$ if we cle>ly und]/ood t :at we h to d is1 n to be on our gu>d aga9/ m51 b on our gu>d aga9/ displeas+ ,!e4 #aj4 ,= ! fir/ eight days1 ,i suff]$ mu*2 b m f ! suspicion t my vanity 0 kn[n1 ?an f be+ 9 ! mona/]y2 = ,i 0 already we>y ( myself--&1 ?\gh ,i (f5d$ ,god1 ,i nev] ceas$ to h a great fe> ( ,him1 & contriv$ to g to confession z quickly z ,i c\ld4 ,i 0 v uncom=table2 b )9 eight days1 ,i ?9k soon]1 ,i 0 mu* m cont5t$ ?an ,i _h be5 9 my fa!r's h\se4 ,all ! nuns 7 pleas$ ) me2 = our ,"l _h giv5 me ! grace to please e "o1 :]ev] ,i might be4 ,i 0 !re=e made mu* ( 9 ! mona/]y4 ,?\gh at ?is "t ,i hat$ to be a nun1 yet ,i 0 delight$ at ! sight ( nuns s good2 = !y 7 v good 9 t h\se--v prud5t1 obs]vant ( ! rule1 & recollect$4 #aa4 ,yet1 = all ?is1 ! devil did n cease to tempt me2 & p 9 ! _w s\ght means to tr\ble my re/ ) messages & pres5ts4 ,z ?is c\ld n be all[$1 x 0 soon ov]1 & my s\l began to return to ! good habits ( my e>li] ye>s2 & ,i recogniz$ ! great m]cy ( ,god to ^? :om ,he places among good p4 ,x seems z if ,8 ,maje/y _h s\ght & s\ght aga9 h[ to conv]t me to ,himself4 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 = hav+ borne ) me s long6 ,am54 #ab4 ,7 x n = my _m faults1 !re 0 "s excuse = me1 ,i ?9k1 9 ?is3 t ! conv]sation ,i %>$ 9 0 ) "o :o1 ,i ?\ght1 w\ld d well 9 ! e/ate ( matrimony2 #d & ,i 0 told by my confessors1 & o!rs also1 :om 9 _m po9ts ,i consult$1 us$ to say1 t ,i 0 n (f5d+ ,god4 ,"o ( ! nuns #e slept ) u :o 7 secul>s1 & ?r\gh h] x pleas$ our ,"l to give me light1 z ,i %all n[ expla94 #a4 ,! ,sa9t ?r\gh\t h] life 0 extremely c>eful ( cleanl9ess4 ,9 "o ( h] lett]s to ,fa!r ,j]ome ,gratian ( ! ,"m ( ,god 7,no4 #cbc1 ,lett] #bh1 vol4 iii4 ed4 ,doblado71 %e begs him1 = ! love ( ,god1 to see t ! ,fa!rs _h clean cells & table2 & ! ,v54 ,"m ,anne ( ,/4 ,b>?olomew1 9 h] life 7,bruxelles1 #agjh1 p4 #dj71 says t %e *ang$ ! ,sa9t's l95 on ! day ( h] dea?1 & 0 ?ank$ by h] = h] c>efulness4 ,h] s\l 0 s pure1 says ! ,v54 ,"m1 t %e c\ld n be> any?+ t 0 n clean4 #b4 ,m>ia de ,cep$a1 half-si/] ( ! ,sa9t4 ,%e 0 m>ri$ to ,don ,m>t9 de ,guzman y ,b>ri5tos2 & ! contract = ! d[ry 0 sign$ ,janu>y #aa1 #aeca 7,re=ma de los ,descalos lib4 i4 *4 vii4 #d74 #c4 ,! ,augu/9ian ,mona/]y ( ,our ,lady ( ,grace4 ,x 0 f\nd$ 9 #aeji by ! v5]able ,fra ,juan ( ,seville1 ,vic>-,g5]al ( ! ,ord] 7,re=ma de los ,descalos lib4 i4 *4 vii4 n4 #b74 ,!re 7 =ty nuns 9 ! h\se at ?is "t 7,de la ,fu5te74 #d4 ,"s h said t ! ,sa9t at ?is "t int5d$1 or wi%$1 to be m>ri$2 & ,fa!r ,b\ix translates ! passage ?us3 une alliance honorable p\r moi4 ,b x is m probable t ! ,sa9t _h li/5$ only to ! /ory ( h] c\s9's int5d$ m>riage2 = 9 *4 v4 #aa1 %e says t our ,"l _h always kept h] f seek+ to be lov$ ( m54 #e4 ,da ,m>ia ,brizeo1 mi/ress ( ! secul> *ildr5 :o 7 educat$ 9 ! mona/]y 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 vii4 #c74 ,*apt] ,,iii4 ,! ,bless+ ( ,be+ ) ,good ,p4 ,h[ ,c]ta9 ,illusions ,7 ,remov$4 #a4 ,i began gradually to l ! good & holy conv]sation ( ?is nun4 ,h[ well %e us$ to speak ( ,god6 = %e 0 a p]son ( great discretion & sanctity4 ,i li/5$ to h] ) delight4 ,i ?9k !re nev] 0 a "t :5 ,i 0 n glad to li/5 to h]4 ,%e began by tell+ me h[ %e came to be a nun ?r\gh ! m]e read+ ( ! words ( ! ,gospel ,_m are call$1 & few are *os54 #a ,%e w\ld speak ( ! rew>d :i* our ,"l gives to ^? :o =sake all ?+s = ,8 sake4 ,?is good companion%ip began to root out ! habits :i* bad companion%ip _h =m$1 & to br+ my ?\ghts back to ! desire ( et]nal ?+s1 z well z to bani% 9 "s measure ! great dislike ,i _h to be a nun1 :i* _h be5 v great2 & if ,i saw any "o weep 9 pray]1 or dev\t 9 any o!r way1 ,i envi$ h] v mu*2 = my he>t 0 n[ s h>d1 t ,i c\ld n %$ a te>1 ev5 if ,i read ! ,passion ?r\gh4 ,?is 0 a grief to me4 #b4 ,i rema9$ 9 ! mona/]y a ye> & a half1 & 0 v mu* ! bett] = x4 ,i began to say _m vocal pray]s1 & to ask all ! nuns to pray = me1 t ,god w\ld place me 9 t /ate :]e9 ,i 0 to s]ve ,him2 b1 = all ?is1 ,i wi%$ n to be a nun1 & t ,god w\ld n be pleas$ ,i %\ld be "o1 ?\gh at ! same "t ,i 0 afraid ( m>riage4 ,at ! end ( my /ay !re1 ,i _h a great] incl9ation to be a nun1 yet n 9 t h\se1 on acc\nt ( c]ta9 devotional practices :i* ,i und]/ood prevail$ !re1 & :i* ,i ?\ght ov]/ra9$4 ,"s ( ! y\ng] ones enc\rag$ me 9 ?is my wi%2 & if all _h be5 ( "o m9d1 ,i might h pr(it$ by x4 ,i _h also a great fri5d #b 9 ano!r mona/]y2 & ?is made me resolve1 if ,i 0 to be a nun1 n to be "o 9 any o!r h\se ?an :]e %e 04 ,i look$ m to ! pleasure ( s5se & vanity ?an to ! good ( my s\l4 ,^! good ?\ghts ( be+ a nun came to me f "t to "t4 ,!y left me v soon2 & ,i c\ld n p]suade myself to become "o4 #c4 ,at ?is "t1 ?\gh ,i 0 n c>eless ab\t my own good1 our ,"l 0 mu* m c>eful to dispose me = t /ate ( life :i* 0 be/ = me4 ,he s5t me a s]i\s illness1 s t ,i 0 oblig$ to return to my fa!r's h\se4 #d4 ,:5 ,i became well aga91 !y took me to see my si/] #c 9 h] h\se 9 ! c\ntry village :]e %e dwelt4 ,h] love = me 0 s great1 t1 if %e _h _h h] w1 ,i %\ld nev] h left h]4 ,h] husb& also _h a great affection = me--at lea/1 he %[$ me all k9dness4 ,?is too ,i owe r to our ,"l1 = ,i h receiv$ k9dness ev]y:]e2 & all my s]vice 9 return is1 t ,i am :at ,i am4 #e4 ,on ! road liv$ a bro!r ( my fa!r #d--;a prud5t & mo/ excell5t man1 !n a wid[]4 ,him too our ,"l 0 prep>+ = ,himself4 ,9 8 old age1 he left all 8 possessions & became a religi\s4 ,he s f9i%$ 8 c\rse1 t ,i believe him to h ! vision ( ,god4 ,he w\ld h me /ay ) him "s days4 ,8 practice 0 to read good books 9 ,spani%2 & 8 ord9>y conv]sation 0 ab\t ,god & ! vanity ( ! _w4 ,^! books he made me read to him2 &1 ?\gh ,i did n mu* l !m1 ,i appe>$ z if ,i did2 = 9 giv+ pleasure to o!rs ,i h be5 mo/ p>ticul>1 ?\gh x might be pa9ful to myself--s mu* s1 t :at 9 o!rs might h be5 a virtue 0 9 me a great fault1 because ,i 0 (t5 extremely indiscreet4 ,o my ,god1 9 h[ _m ways did ,8 ,maje/y prep>e me = ! /ate :]e9 x 0 ,8 w ,i %\ld s]ve ,him6--h[1 aga9/ my own w1 ,he con/ra9$ me to d viol5ce to myself6 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #f4 ,?\gh ,i rema9$ "h b a few days1 yet1 ?r\gh ! impression made on my he>t by ! words ( ,god bo? he>d & read1 & by ! good conv]sation ( my uncle1 ,i came to und]/& ! tru? ,i _h he>d 9 my *ildhood1 t all ?+s are z no?+1 ! _w vanity1 & pass+ rapidly away4 ,i also began to be afraid t1 if ,i 7 !n to die1 ,i %\ld g d[n to hell4 ,?\gh ,i c\ld n b5d my w to be a nun1 ,i saw t ! religi\s /ate 0 ! be/ & ! safe/4 ,& ?us1 by little & little1 ,i resolv$ to =ce myself into x4 #g4 ,! /ruggle la/$ ?ree mon?s4 ,i us$ to press ?is reason aga9/ myself3 ,! trials & suff]+s ( liv+ z a nun _c be great] ?an ^? ( purgatory1 & ,i h well des]v$ to be 9 hell4 ,x is n mu* to sp5d ! re/ ( my life z if ,i 7 9 purgatory1 & !n g /raight to ,heav5--:i* 0 :at ,i desir$4 ,i 0 m influ5c$ by s]vile fe>1 ,i ?9k1 ?an by love1 to ent] religion4 #h4 ,! devil put be=e me t ,i c\ld n endure ! trials ( ! religi\s life1 because ( my delicate nurture4 ,i def5d$ myself aga9/ him by alleg+ ! trials :i* ,*ri/ endur$1 & t x 0 n mu* = me to suff] some?+ = ,8 sake2 besides1 ,he w\ld help me to be> x4 ,i mu/ h ?\ght s1 b ,i d n rememb] ?is consid]ation4 ,i endur$ _m temptations dur+ ^! days4 ,i 0 subject to fa9t+-fits1 att5d$ ) fev]1--= my heal? 0 always weak4 ,i _h become by ?is "t fond ( good books1 & t gave me life4 ,i read ! ,epi/les ( ,/4 ,j]ome1 :i* fill$ me ) s mu* c\rage1 t ,i resolv$ to tell my fa!r ( my purpose1--:i* 0 almo/ l tak+ ! habit2 = ,i 0 s jeal\s ( my ^w1 t ,i w\ld nev]1 = any consid]ation1 rec$e f a promise :5 once my ^w _h be5 giv54 #i4 ,my fa!r's love = me 0 s great1 t ,i c\ld nev] obta9 8 cons5t2 nor c\ld ! pray]s ( o!rs1 :om ,i p]suad$ to speak to him1 be ( any avail4 ,! utmo/ ,i c\ld get f him 0 t ,i might d z ,i pleas$ aft] 8 dea?4 ,i n[ began to be afraid ( myself1 & ( my own weakness--= ,i might g back4 ,s1 consid]+ t su* wait+ 0 n safe = me1 ,i obta9$ my end 9 ano!r way1 z ,i %all n[ relate4 #a4 ,/4 ,matt4 xx4 #af3 ,multi enim sunt vocati1 pauci v]o electi4 #b4 ,juana ,su>ez1 9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! inc>nation1 ,avila 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 vii4 #g74 #c4 ,m>ia de ,cep$a1 m>ri$ to ,don ,m>t9 ,guzman y ,b>ri5tos4 ,!y liv$ 9 ,ca/ellanos de la ,caada1 :]e !y _h consid]able prop]ty2 b 9 ! lat] ye>s ( _! lives !y 7 9 /rait5$ circum/ances 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,see bel[1 *4 xxxiv4 #bd4 #d4 ,don ,p$ro ,san*ez de ,cep$a4 ,he liv$ 9 ,hortigosa1 f\r leagues f ,avila 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,*apt] ,,iv4 ,our ,"l ,helps ,h] to ,become a ,nun4 ,h] ,_m ,infirmities4 #a4 ,9 ^? days1 :5 ,i 0 ?us resolv$1 ,i _h p]suad$ "o ( my bro!rs1 #a by speak+ to him ( ! vanity ( ! _w1 to become a fri>2 & we agre$ toge!r to set out "o day v e>ly 9 ! morn+ = ! mona/]y :]e t fri5d ( m9e liv$ = :om ,i _h s great an affection3 #b ?\gh ,i w\ld h gone to any o!r mona/]y1 if ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld s]ve ,god bett] 9 x1 or to any "o my fa!r lik$1 s /rong 0 my resolution n[ to become a nun--= ,i ?\ght m ( ! salvation ( my s\l n[1 & made no acc\nt :atev] ( m9e own ease4 ,i rememb] p]fectly well1 & x is q true1 t ! pa9 ,i felt :5 ,i left my fa!r's h\se 0 s great1 t ,i d n believe ! pa9 ( dy+ w be great]--= x seem$ to me z if e bone 9 my body 7 wr5*$ asund]2 #c =1 z ,i _h no love ( ,god to de/roy my love ( fa!r & ( k9dr$1 ?is latt] love came ^u me ) a viol5ce s great t1 if our ,"l _h n be5 my keep]1 my own resolution to g on w\ld h fail$ me4 ,b ,he gave me c\rage to fight aga9/ myself1 s t ,i execut$ my purpose4 #d #b4 ,:5 ,i took ! habit1 #e our ,"l at once made me und]/& h[ ,he helps ^? :o d viol5ce to !mselves 9 ord] to s]ve ,him4 ,no "o obs]v$ ?is viol5ce 9 me2 !y saw no?+ b ! greate/ good w4 ,at t mom5t1 because ,i 0 ent]+ on t /ate1 ,i 0 fill$ ) a joy s great1 t x has nev] fail$ me to ?is day2 & ,god conv]t$ ! aridity ( my s\l into ! greate/ t5d]ness4 ,ev]y?+ 9 religion 0 a delight unto me2 & x is true t n[ & !n ,i us$ to sweep ! h\se dur+ ^? h\rs ( ! day :i* ,i _h =m]ly sp5t on my amusem5ts & my dress2 &1 call+ to m9d t ,i 0 deliv]$ f su* follies1 ,i 0 fill$ ) a new joy t surpris$ me1 nor c\ld ,i und]/& :5ce x came4 #c4 ,:5ev] ,i rememb] ?is1 !re is no?+ 9 ! _w1 h[ev] h>d x may be1 t1 if x 7 propos$ to me1 ,i w\ld n und]take )\t any hesitation :atev]2 = ,i "k n[1 by exp]i5ce 9 _m ?+s1 t if f ! fir/ ,i resolutely p]sev]e 9 my purpose1 ev5 9 ?is life ,8 ,maje/y rew>ds x 9 a way :i* he only und]/&s :o has tri$ x4 ,:5 ! act is done = ,god only1 x is ,8 w be=e we beg9 x t ! s\l1 9 ord] to ! increase ( its m]its1 %\ld be afraid2 & ! great] ! fe>1 if we d b succe$1 ! great] ! rew>d1 & ! sweetness !nce aft]w>ds result+4 ,i "k ?is by exp]i5ce1 z ,i h j said1 9 _m s]i\s affairs2 & s1 if ,i 7 a p]son :o _h to advise anybody1 ,i w\ld nev] c\nsel any "o1 to :om good inspirations f "t to "t may come1 to resi/ !m ?r\gh fe> ( ! difficulty ( c>ry+ !m into effect2 = if a p]son lives deta*$ = ! love ( ,god only1 t is no reason = be+ afraid ( failure1 = ,he is omnipot5t4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #d4 ,o supreme ,good1 & my ,re/1 ^? graces ought to h be5 en\gh :i* ,?\ had/ giv5 me hi!rto1 see+ t ,?y compassion & greatness _h drawn me ?r\gh s _m w9d+s to a /ate s secure1 to a h\se :]e !re are s _m s]vants ( ,god1 f :om ,i might le>n h[ ,i may advance 9 ,?y s]vice4 ,i "k n h[ to g on1 :5 ,i call to m9d ! circum/ances ( my pr(ession1 ! great resolution & joy ) :i* ,i made x1 & my betro?al unto ,!e4 ,i _c speak ( x )\t te>s2 & my te>s ought to be te>s ( blood1 my he>t ought to break1 & t w\ld n be mu* to suff] because ( ! _m (f5ces aga9/ ,!e :i* ,i h committ$ s9ce t day4 ,x seems to me n[ t ,i _h good reasons = n wi%+ = ?is dignity1 see+ t ,i h made s sad a use ( x4 ,b ,?\1 ,o my ,"l1 ha/ be5 will+ to be> ) me = almo/ tw5ty ye>s ( my evil us+ ( ,?y graces1 till ,i might become bett]4 ,x seems to me1 ,o my ,god1 t ,i did no?+ b promise nev] to keep any ( ! promises !n made to ,!e4 ,yet su* 0 n my int5tion3 b ,i see t :at ,i h done s9ce is ( su* a nature1 t ,i "k n :at my int5tion 04 ,s x 0 & s x happ5$1 t x may be ! bett] kn[n1 ,o my ,bridegroom1 ,:o ,?\ art & :at ,i am4 #e4 ,x is c]ta9ly true t v frequ5tly ! joy ,i h 9 t ! multitude ( ,?y m]cies is made kn[n 9 me1 s(t5s ! bitt] s5se ( my great faults4 ,9 :om1 ,o ,"l1 c !y %9e =? z !y d 9 me1 :o by my evil de$s h %r\d$ 9 d>kness ,?y great graces1 :i* ,?\ had/ begun to "w 9 me8 ,woe is me1 ,o my ,mak]6 ,if ,i w\ld make an excuse1 ,i h none to (f]2 & ,i only am to blame4 ,= if ,i c\ld return to ,!e any portion ( t love :i* ,?\ had/ begun to %[ unto me1 ,i w\ld give x only unto ,!e1 & !n ev]y?+ w\ld h be5 safe4 ,b1 z ,i h n des]v$ ?is1 nor be5 s happy z to h done x1 let ,?y m]cy1 ,o ,"l1 re/ ^u me4 #f4 ,! *ange 9 ! habits ( my life1 & 9 my food1 prov$ hurtful to my heal?2 & ?\gh my happ9ess 0 great1 t 0 n en\gh4 ,! fa9t+-fits began to be m frequ5t2 & my he>t 0 s s]i\sly affect$1 t e "o :o saw x 0 al>m$2 & ,i _h also _m o!r ailm5ts4 ,& ?us x 0 ,i sp5t ! fir/ ye>1 hav+ v bad heal?1 ?\gh ,i d n ?9k ,i (f5d$ ,god 9 x mu*4 ,& z my illness 0 s s]i\s--,i 0 almo/ ins5sible at all times1 & frequ5tly :olly s--my fa!r took great pa9s to f9d "s relief2 & z ! physicians :o att5d$ me _h none to give1 he _h me tak5 to a place :i* _h a great reputation = ! cure ( o!r infirmities4 ,!y said ,i %\ld f9d relief !re4 #f ,t fri5d ( :om ,i h spok5 z be+ 9 ! h\se w5t ) me4 ,%e 0 "o ( ! eld] nuns4 ,9 ! h\se :]e ,i 0 a nun1 !re 0 no v[ ( enclosure4 #g #g4 ,i rema9$ !re ne>ly a ye>1 = ?ree mon?s ( x suff]+ mo/ cruel tortures--effects ( ! viol5t rem$ies :i* !y appli$4 ,i "k n h[ ,i endur$ !m2 & inde$1 ?\gh ,i submitt$ myself to !m1 !y 71 z ,i %all relate1 #h m ?an my con/itution c\ld be>4 #h4 ,i 0 to beg9 ! treatm5t 9 ! spr+1 & w5t ?i!r :5 w9t] comm5c$4 ,! int]v5+ "t ,i sp5t ) my si/]1 ( :om ,i spoke be=e1 #i 9 h] h\se 9 ! c\ntry1 wait+ = ! mon? ( ,april1 :i* 0 draw+ ne>1 t ,i might n h to g & return4 ,! uncle ( :om ,i h made m5tion be=e1 #aj & ^: h\se 0 on our road1 gave me a book call$ ,t]c] ,abec$>io1 #aa :i* treats ( ! pray] ( recollection4 ,?\gh 9 ! fir/ ye> ,i _h read good books--= ,i w\ld read no o!rs1 because ,i und]/ood n[ ! h>m !y _h done me--,i did n "k h[ to make my pray]1 nor h[ to recollect myself4 ,i 0 !re=e mu* pleas$ ) ! book1 & resolv$ to foll[ ! way ( pray] x describ$ ) all my might4 ,& z our ,"l _h already be/[$ ^u me ! gift ( te>s1 & ,i f\nd pleasure 9 read+1 ,i began to sp5d a c]ta9 "t 9 solitude1 to g frequ5tly to confession1 & make a beg9n+ ( t way ( pray]1 ) ?is book = my guide2 = ,i _h no ma/]--,i mean1 no confessor--:o und]/ood me1 ?\gh ,i s\ght = su* a "o = tw5ty ye>s aft]w>ds3 :i* did me mu* h>m1 9 t ,i frequ5tly w5t backw>ds1 & might h be5 ev5 utt]ly lo/2 =1 anyh[1 a director w\ld h help$ me to escape ! risks ,i ran ( s9n+ aga9/ ,god4 #i4 ,f ! v beg9n+1 ,god 0 mo/ graci\s unto me4 ,?\gh ,i 0 n s free f s9 z ! book requir$1 ,i pass$ t by2 su* wat*fulness seem$ to me almo/ impossible4 ,i 0 on my gu>d aga9/ mortal s9--& w\ld to ,god ,i _h always be5 s6--b ,i 0 c>eless ab\t v5ial s9s1 & t 0 my ru94 ,yet1 = all ?is1 at ! end ( my /ay !re--,i sp5t ne>ly n9e mon?s 9 ! practice ( solitude--our ,"l began to com=t me s mu* 9 ?is way ( pray]1 z 9 ,8 m]cy to raise me to ! pray] ( quiet1 & n[ & !n to t ( union1 ?\gh ,i und]/ood n :at ei!r ! "o or ! o!r 01 nor ! great e/eem ,i ought to h _h ( !m4 ,i believe x w\ld h be5 a great bless+ to me if ,i _h und]/ood ! matt]4 ,x is true t ! pray] ( union la/$ b a %ort "t3 ,i "k n if x cont9u$ = ! space ( an ,ave ,m>ia2 b ! fruits ( x rema9$2 & !y 7 su* t1 ?\gh ,i 0 !n n tw5ty ye>s ( age1 ,i seem$ to despise ! _w utt]ly2 & s ,i rememb] h[ sorry ,i 0 = ^? :o foll[$ its ways1 ?\gh only 9 ?+s lawful4 #aj4 ,i us$ to lab\r ) all my might to imag9e ,jesus ,*ri/1 our ,good & our ,"l1 pres5t )9 me4 ,& ?is 0 ! way ,i pray$4 ,if ,i m$itat$ on any my/]y ( ,8 life1 ,i repres5t$ x to myself z )9 me1 ?\gh ! great] "p ( my "t ,i sp5t 9 read+ good books1 :i* 0 all my com=t2 = ,god nev] end[$ me ) ! gift ( mak+ reflections ) ! und]/&+1 or ) t ( us+ ! imag9ation to any good purpose3 my imag9ation is s sluggi%1 #ab t ev5 if ,i w\ld ?9k (1 or picture to myself1 z ,i us$ to lab\r to picture1 our ,"l's ,humanity1 ,i nev] c\ld d x4 #aa4 ,& ?\gh m5 may atta9 m quickly to ! /ate ( contemplation1 if !y p]sev]e1 by ?is way ( inability to ex]t ! intellect1 yet is ! process m labori\s & pa9ful2 = if ! w h no?+ to occupy x1 & if love h no pres5t object to re/ on1 ! s\l is )\t support & )\t employm5t--its isolation & dryness occasion great pa91 & ! ?\ghts assail x mo/ griev\sly4 ,p]sons 9 ?is condition mu/ h great] purity ( consci5ce ?an ^? :o c make use ( _! und]/&+2 = he :o c use 8 intellect 9 ! way ( m$itation on :at ! _w is1 on :at he owes to ,god1 on ! great suff]+s ( ,god = him1 8 own scanty s]vice 9 return1 & on ! rew>d ,god res]ves = ^? :o love ,him1 le>ns h[ to def5d himself aga9/ 8 own ?\ghts1 & aga9/ ! occasions & p]ils ( s94 ,on ! o!r h&1 he :o has n t p[] is 9 great] dang]1 & ought to occupy himself mu* 9 read+1 see+ t he is n 9 ! slighte/ degree able to help himself4 #ab4 ,?is way ( proce$+ is s exce$+ly pa9ful1 t if ! ma/] :o tea*es x insi/s on cutt+ (f ! succ\rs :i* read+ gives1 & requires ! sp5d+ ( mu* "t 9 pray]1 !n1 ,i say1 x w be impossible to p]sev]e long 9 x3 & if he p]si/s 9 8 plan1 heal? w be ru9$1 because x is a mo/ pa9ful process4 ,read+ is ( great s]vice t[>ds procur+ recollection 9 any "o :o proce$s 9 ?is way2 & x is ev5 necess>y = him1 h[ev] little x may be t he reads1 if only z a sub/itute = ! m5tal pray] :i* is beyond 8 rea*4 #ac4 ,n[ ,i seem to und]/& t x 0 ! good provid5ce ( our ,"l ov] me t f\nd no "o to tea* me4 ,if ,i _h1 x w\ld h be5 impossible = me to p]sev]e dur+ ! eighte5 ye>s ( my trial & ( ^? great aridities because ( my inability to m$itate4 ,dur+ all ?is "t1 x 0 only aft] ,communion t ,i ev] v5tur$ to beg9 my pray] )\t a book--my s\l 0 z mu* afraid to pray )\t "o1 z if x _h to fight aga9/ a ho/4 ,) a book to help me--x 0 l a companion1 & a %ield :]eon to receive ! bl[s ( _m ?\ghts--,i f\nd com=t2 = x 0 n usual ) me to be 9 aridity3 b ,i always 0 s :5 ,i _h no book2 = my s\l 0 di/urb$1 & my ?\ghts w&]$ at once4 ,) "o1 ,i began to collect my ?\ghts1 &1 us+ x z a decoy1 kept my s\l 9 peace1 v frequ5tly by m]ely op5+ a book--!re 0 no necessity = m4 ,sometimes1 ,i read b little2 at o!r times1 mu*--accord+ z our ,"l _h pity on me4 #ad4 ,x seem$ to me1 9 ^! beg9n+s ( :i* ,i am speak+1 t !re c\ld be no dang] capable ( )draw+ me f s great a bless+1 if ,i _h b books1 & c\ld h rema9$ alone2 & ,i believe t1 by ! grace ( ,god1 x w\ld h be5 s1 if ,i _h _h a ma/] or any "o to w>n me aga9/ ^? occasions ( s9 9 ! beg9n+1 &1 if ,i fell1 to br+ me quickly out ( !m4 ,if ! devil _h assail$ me op5ly !n1 ,i believe ,i %\ld nev] h fall5 into any griev\s s92 b he 0 s subtle1 & ,i s weak1 t all my good resolutions 7 ( little s]vice--?\gh1 9 ^? days 9 :i* ,i s]v$ ,god1 !y 7 v pr(itable 9 enabl+ me1 ) t pati5ce :i* ,8 ,maje/y gave me1 to endure ! al>m+ illnesses :i* ,i _h to be>4 ,i h (t5 ?\ght ) wond] ( ! great goodness ( ,god2 & my s\l has rejoic$ 9 ! contemplation ( ,8 great magnific5ce & m]cy4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6--= ,i see cle>ly t ,he has n omitt$ to rew>d me1 ev5 9 ?is life1 = e "o ( my good desires4 ,my good works1 h[ev] wret*$ & imp]fect1 h be5 made bett] & p]fect$ by ,him ,:o is my ,"l3 ,he has r5d]$ !m m]itori\s4 ,z to my evil de$s & my s9s1 ,he hid !m at once4 ,! eyes ( ^? :o saw !m1 ,he made ev5 bl9d2 & ,he has blott$ !m out ( _! memory4 ,he gilds my faults1 makes virtue to %9e =?1 giv+ x to me ,himself1 & compell+ me to possess x1 z x 71 by =ce4 #ae4 ,i mu/ n[ return to t :i* has be5 enjo9$ me4 ,i say1 t if ,i _h to describe m9utely h[ our ,"l dealt ) me 9 ! beg9n+1 x w\ld be necess>y = me to h ano!r und]/&+ ?an t ,i h3 s t ,i might be able to appreciate :at ,i owe to ,him1 toge!r ) my own +ratitude & wick$ness2 = ,i h =gott5 x all4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev] ,:o has borne ) me s long6 ,am54 #a4 ,antonio de ,ahumada2 :o1 accord+ to ! mo/ probable op9ion1 ent]$ ! ,dom9ican mona/]y ( ,/4 ,?omas1 ,avila4 ,x is said t he di$ be=e he 0 pr(ess$4 ,"s said he jo9$ ! ,hi]onymites2 b ?is is n s probable 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,rib]a1 h[ev]1 says t he did ent] ! novitiate ( ! ,hi]onymites4 b di$ be=e he 0 out ( x 7lib4 i4 *4 vi474 #b4 ,juana ,su>ez1 9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila4 #c4 ,see ,relation1 vi4 #c4 #d4 ,! nuns s5t ^w to ! fa!r ( 8 *ild's escape1 & ( h] desire to become a nun1 b )\t any expectation ( obta9+ 8 cons5t4 ,he came to ! mona/]y =?)1 & (f]$ up 8 ,isaac on ,m\nt ,c>mel 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 viii4 #e74 #e4 ,! ,sa9t ent]$ ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation ,nov4 #b1 #aecc1 & made h] pr(ession ,nov4 #c1 #aecd 7,boll&i/s & ,b\ix74 ,rib]a says %e ent]$ ,novemb] #b1 #aece2 & ! *ronicl] ( ! ,ord]1 rely+ on ! contract by :i* h] fa!r b\nd himself to ! mona/]y1 says t %e took ! habit ,nov4 #b1 #aecf1 & t ,rib]a _h made a mi/ake4 #f4 ,h] fa!r took h] f ! mona/]y 9 ! autumn ( #aece1 accord+ to ! ,boll&i/s1 b ( #aech1 accord+ to ! *ronicl]1 :o adds1 t %e 0 tak5 to h] uncle's h\se--,p$ro ,san*ez de ,cep$a--9 ,hortigosa1 & !n to ,ca/ellanos de la ,caada1 to ! h\se ( h] si/]1 ,da ,m>ia1 :]e %e rema9$ till ! spr+1 :5 %e w5t to ,bezadas = h] cure 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 xi4 #b74 #g4 ,x 0 9 #aefc t all nuns 7 compell$ to obs]ve enclosure 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,*4 v4 #ae4 #i4 ,*4 iii4 #d4 #aj4 ,*4 iii4 #e4 #aa4 ,by ,fray ,francisco de ,osuna1 ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,francis 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 xi4 #b74 #ab4 ,see *4 ix4 #d1 #g4 ,*apt] ,v4 ,illness & ,pati5ce ( ! ,sa9t4 ,! ,/ory ( a ,prie/ ,:om ,%e ,rescu$ f a ,life ( ,s94 #a4 ,i =got to say h[1 9 ! ye> ( my novitiate1 ,i suff]$ mu* uneas9ess ab\t ?+s 9 !mselves ( no importance2 b ,i 0 f\nd fault ) v (t5 :5 ,i 0 blameless4 ,i bore x pa9fully & ) imp]fection2 h[ev]1 ,i w5t ?r\gh x all1 because ( ! joy ,i _h 9 be+ a nun4 ,:5 !y saw me seek+ to be alone1 & ev5 weep+ ov] my s9s at times1 !y ?\ght ,i 0 discont5t$1 & said s4 #b4 ,all religi\s obs]vances _h an attraction = me1 b ,i c\ld n endure any :i* seem$ to make me contemptible4 ,i delight$ 9 be+ ?\ght well ( by o!rs1 & 0 v exact 9 ev]y?+ ,i _h to d4 ,all ?is ,i ?\ght 0 a virtue1 ?\gh x w n s]ve z any excuse = me1 because ,i knew :at x 0 to procure my own satisfaction 9 ev]y?+1 & s ignorance does n blot out ! blame4 ,!re may be "s excuse 9 ! fact t ! mona/]y 0 n f\nd$ 9 great p]fection4 ,i1 wick$ z ,i 01 foll[$ aft] t :i* ,i saw 0 wrong1 & neglect$ t :i* 0 good4 #c4 ,!re 0 !n 9 ! h\se a nun lab\r+ "u a mo/ griev\s & pa9ful disord]1 = !re 7 op5 ulc]s 9 h] body1 caus$ by c]ta9 ob/ructions1 ?r\gh :i* h] food 0 reject$4 ,( ?is sickness %e soon di$4 ,all ! si/]s1 ,i saw1 7 afraid ( h] malady4 ,i envi$ h] pati5ce v mu*2 ,i pray$ to ,god t ,he w\ld give me a l pati5ce2 & !n1 :atev] sickness x might be ,8 pleasure to s5d1 ,i d n ?9k ,i 0 afraid ( any1 = ,i 0 resolv$ on ga9+ et]nal good1 & det]m9$ to ga9 x by any & by e means4 #d4 ,i am surpris$ at myself1 because !n ,i _h n1 z ,i believe1 t love ( ,god :i* ,i ?9k ,i _h aft] ,i began to pray4 ,!n1 ,i _h only light to see t all ?+s t pass away are to be lightly e/eem$1 & t ! good ?+s to be ga9$ by despis+ !m are ( great price1 because !y are = ev]4 ,8 ,maje/y he>d me also 9 ?is1 = 9 less ?an two ye>s ,i 0 s afflict$ myself t ! illness :i* ,i _h1 ?\gh ( a diff]5t k9d f t ( ! si/]1 01 ,i really believe1 n less pa9ful & try+ = ! ?ree ye>s x la/$1 z ,i %all n[ relate4 #e4 ,:5 ! "t _h come = :i* ,i 0 wait+ 9 ! place ,i spoke ( be=e #a--;,i 0 9 my si/]'s h\se1 = ! purpose ( und]go+ ! m$ical treatm5t--!y took me away ) ! utmo/ c>e ( my com=t2 t is1 my fa!r1 my si/]1 & ! nun1 my fri5d1 :o _h come f ! mona/]y ) me1--= h] love = me 0 v great4 ,at t mom5t1 ,satan began to tr\ble my s\l2 ,god1 h[ev]1 br\ght =? a great bless+ out ( t tr\ble4 #f4 ,9 ! place to :i* ,i _h gone = my cure liv$ a prie/ ( good bir? & und]/&+1 ) "s le>n+1 b n mu*4 ,i w5t to confession to him1 = ,i 0 always fond ( le>n$ m51 al?\gh confessors indiff]5tly le>n$ did my s\l mu* h>m2 = ,i did n always f9d confessors ^: le>n+ 0 z good z ,i c\ld wi% x 04 ,i "k by exp]i5ce t x is bett]1 if ! confessors are good m5 & ( holy lives1 t !y %\ld h no le>n+ at all1 ?an a little2 = su* confessors nev] tru/ !mselves )\t consult+ ^? :o are le>n$--nor w\ld ,i tru/ !m myself3 & a really le>n$ confessor nev] deceiv$ me4 #b ,nei!r did ! o!rs will+ly deceive me1 only !y knew no bett]2 ,i ?\ght !y 7 le>n$1 & t ,i 0 n "u any o!r obligation ?an t ( believ+ !m1 z _! in/ructions to me 7 lax1 & left me m at lib]ty--= if !y _h be5 /rict ) me1 ,i am s wick$1 ,i %\ld h s\ght = o!rs4 ,t :i* 0 a v5ial s91 !y told me 0 no s9 at all2 ( t :i* 0 mo/ griev\sly mortal1 !y said x 0 v5ial4 #c #g4 ,?is did me s mu* h>m1 t x is no wond] ,i %\ld speak ( x "h z a w>n+ to o!rs1 t !y may avoid an evil s great2 = ,i see cle>ly t 9 ! eyes ( ,god ,i 0 )\t excuse1 t ! ?+s ,i did be+ 9 !mselves n good1 ?is %\ld h be5 en\gh to keep me f !m4 ,i believe t ,god1 by reason ( my s9s1 all[$ ^? confessors to deceive !mselves & to deceive me4 ,i myself deceiv$ _m o!rs by say+ to !m :at _h be5 said to me4 #h4 ,i cont9u$ 9 ?is bl9dness1 ,i believe1 m ?an sev5te5 ye>s1 till a mo/ le>n$ ,dom9ican ,fa!r #d undeceiv$ me 9 "p1 & ^? ( ! ,company ( ,jesus made me altoge!r s afraid1 by insi/+ on ! errone\sness ( ^! pr9ciples1 z ,i %all h]eaft] %[4 #e #i4 ,i began1 !n1 by go+ to confession to t prie/ ( :om ,i spoke be=e4 #f ,he took an extreme lik+ to me1 because ,i _h !n b little to confess 9 comp>ison ) :at ,i _h aft]w>ds2 & ,i _h nev] mu* to say s9ce ,i became a nun4 ,!re 0 no h>m 9 ! lik+ he _h = me1 b x ceas$ to be good1 because x 0 9 excess4 ,he cle>ly und]/ood t ,i 0 det]m9$ on no acc\nt :atev] to d any?+ :]eby ,god might be s]i\sly (f5d$4 ,he1 too1 gave me a l assurance ab\t himself1 & accord+ly our conf]5ces 7 _m4 ,b at t "t1 ?r\gh ! k & fe> ( ,god :i* fill$ my s\l1 :at gave me mo/ pleasure 9 all my conv]sations ) o!rs 0 to speak ( ,god2 &1 z ,i 0 s "y1 ?is made him a%am$2 & !n1 out ( t great goodwill he bore me1 he began to tell me ( 8 wret*$ /ate4 ,x 0 v sad1 = he _h be5 ne>ly sev5 ye>s 9 a mo/ p]il\s condition1 because ( 8 affection =1 & conv]sation )1 a woman ( t place2 & yet he us$ to say ,mass4 ,! matt] 0 s public1 t 8 hon\r & good "n 7 lo/1 & no "o v5tur$ to speak to him ab\t x4 ,i 0 extremely sorry = him1 because ,i lik$ him mu*4 ,i 0 !n s imprud5t & s bl9d z to ?9k x a virtue to be grateful & loyal to "o :o lik$ me4 ,curs$ be t loyalty :i* rea*es s f> z to g aga9/ ! law ( ,god4 ,x is a madness common 9 ! _w1 & x makes me mad to see x4 ,we are indebt$ to ,god = all ! good t m5 d to u1 & yet we hold x to be an act ( virtue n to break a fri5d%ip ( ?is k9d1 ?\gh x lead u to g aga9/ ,him4 ,oh1 bl9dness ( ! _w6 ,let me1 ,o ,"l1 be mo/ ungrateful to ! _w2 nev] at all unto ,!e4 ,b ,i h be5 altoge!r o!rwise ?r\gh my s9s4 #aj4 ,i procur$ fur!r in=mation ab\t ! matt] f memb]s ( 8 h\sehold2 ,i le>n$ m ( 8 ru9\s /ate1 & saw t ! poor man's fault 0 n s grave1 because ! mis]able woman _h _h rec\rse to en*antm5ts1 by giv+ him a little image made ( copp]1 :i* %e _h begg$ him to we> = love ( h] ar\nd 8 neck2 & ?is no "o _h influ5ce en\gh to p]suade him to ?r[ away4 ,z to ?is matt] ( en*antm5ts1 ,i d n believe x to be altoge!r true2 b ,i w relate :at ,i saw1 by way ( w>n+ to m5 to be on _! gu>d aga9/ wom5 :o w d ?+s ( ?is k9d4 ,& let !m be assur$ ( ?is1 t wom5--= !y are m b\nd to purity ?an m5--if once !y h lo/ all %ame be=e ,god1 are 9 no?+ :atev] to be tru/$2 & t 9 ex*ange = ! gratification ( _! w1 & ( t affection :i* ! devil sugge/s1 !y w hesitate at no?+4 #aa4 ,?\gh ,i h be5 s wick$ myself1 ,i nev] fell into any?+ ( ?is k9d1 nor did ,i ev] attempt to d evil2 nor1 if ,i _h ! p[]1 w\ld ,i h ev] con/ra9$ any "o to l me1 = our ,"l kept me f ?is4 ,b if ,he _h ab&on$ me1 ,i %\ld h done wrong 9 ?is1 z ,i did 9 o!r ?+s--= !re is no?+ 9 me :]eon anyone may rely4 #ab4 ,:5 ,i knew ?is1 ,i began to %[ him great] affection3 my int5tion 0 good1 b ! act 0 wrong1 = ,i ought n to d ! lea/ wrong = ! sake ( any good1 h[ great soev] x may be4 ,i spoke to him mo/ frequ5tly ( ,god2 & ?is mu/ h done him good--?\gh ,i believe t :at t\*$ him mo/ 0 8 great affection = me1 because1 to d me a pleasure1 he gave me t little image ( copp]1 & ,i _h x at once ?r[n into a riv]4 ,:5 he _h giv5 x up1 l a man r\s$ f deep sleep1 he began to consid] all t he _h done 9 ^? ye>s2 & !n1 amaz$ at himself1 lam5t+ 8 ru9\s /ate1 t woman came to be hateful 9 8 eyes4 ,our ,lady mu/ h help$ him greatly1 = he _h a v great devotion to h] ,conception1 & us$ to keep ! fea/ !re( ) great solemnity4 ,9 %ort1 he broke (f all relations ) t woman utt]ly1 & 0 nev] we>y ( giv+ ,god ?anks = ! light ,he _h giv5 him2 & at ! end ( ! ye> f ! day ,i fir/ saw him1 he di$4 #ac4 ,he _h be5 mo/ dilig5t 9 ! s]vice ( ,god2 & z = t great affection he _h = me1 ,i nev] obs]v$ any?+ wrong 9 x1 ?\gh x might h be5 ( great] purity4 ,!re 7 also occasions :]e9 he might h mo/ griev\sly (f5d$1 if he _h n kept himself 9 ! ne> pres5ce ( ,god4 ,z ,i said be=e1 #g ,i w\ld n !n h done any?+ ,i knew 0 a mortal s94 ,& ,i ?9k t obs]v+ ?is resolution 9 me help$ him to h t affection = me2 = ,i believe t all m5 mu/ h a great] affection = ^? wom5 :om !y see dispos$ to be good2 & ev5 = ! atta9m5t ( e>?ly ends1 wom5 mu/ h m p[] ov] m5 because !y are good1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]4 ,i am conv9c$ t ! prie/ is 9 ! way ( salvation4 ,he di$ mo/ pi\sly1 & completely )drawn f t occasion ( s94 ,x seems t x 0 ! w ( our ,"l he %\ld be sav$ by ^! means4 #ad4 ,i rema9$ ?ree mon?s 9 t place1 9 ! mo/ griev\s suff]+s2 = ! treatm5t 0 too sev]e = my con/itution4 ,9 two mon?s--s /rong 7 ! m$ic9es--my life 0 ne>ly worn out2 & ! sev]ity ( ! pa9 9 ! he>t1 #h = ! cure ( :i* ,i 0 !re 0 mu* m ke53 x seem$ to me1 n[ & !n1 z if x _h be5 seiz$ by %>p tee?4 ,s great 0 ! torm5t1 t x 0 fe>$ x might end 9 madness4 ,!re 0 a great loss ( /r5g?1 = ,i c\ld eat no?+ :atev]1 only dr9k4 ,i _h a great loa?+ = food1 & a fev] t nev] left me4 ,i 0 s r$uc$1 = !y _h giv5 me purgatives daily = ne>ly a mon?1 & s p>*$ up1 t my s9ews began to %r9k4 ,! pa9s ,i _h 7 un5durable1 & ,i 0 ov]:elm$ 9 a mo/ deep sadness1 s t ,i _h no re/ ei!r night or day4 #ae4 ,?is 0 ! result2 & !reupon my fa!r took me back4 ,!n ! physicians visit$ me aga94 ,all gave me up2 !y said ,i 0 also consumptive4 ,?is gave me little or no conc]n2 :at di/ress$ me 7 ! pa9s ,i _h--= ,i 0 9 pa9 f my head d[n to my feet4 ,n[1 n]v\s pa9s1 accord+ to ! physicians1 are intol]able2 & all my n]ves 7 %runk4 ,c]ta9ly1 if ,i _h n br\ght ?is ^u myself by my s9s1 ! torture w\ld h be5 un5durable4 #af4 ,i 0 n m ?an ?ree mon?s 9 ?is cruel di/ress1 = x seem$ impossible t s _m ills c\ld be borne toge!r4 ,i n[ am a/oni%$ at myself1 & ! pati5ce ,8 ,maje/y gave me--= x cle>ly came f ,him--,i look ^u z a great m]cy ( our ,"l4 ,x 0 a great help to me to be pati5t1 t ,i _h read ! /ory ( ,job1 9 ! ,morals ( ,/4 ,gregory 7our ,"l seems to h prep>$ me !reby72 & t ,i _h begun ! practice ( pray]1 s t ,i might be> x all1 con=m+ my w to ! w ( ,god4 ,all my conv]sation 0 ) ,god4 ,i _h cont9ually ^! words ( ,job 9 my ?\ghts & 9 my m\?3 ,if we h receiv$ good ?+s ( ! h& ( our ,"l1 :y %\ld we n receive evil ?+s8 #i ,?is seem$ to give me c\rage4 #ag4 ,! fea/ ( our ,lady1 9 ,augu/1 came r\nd2 f ,april until !n ,i _h be5 9 great pa91 b m especially dur+ ! la/ ?ree mon?s4 ,i made ha/e to g to confession1 = ,i _h always be5 v fond ( frequ5t confession4 ,!y ?\ght ,i 0 driv5 by ! fe> ( dea?2 & s my fa!r1 9 ord] to quiet me1 w\ld n suff] me to g4 ,oh1 ! unreasonable love ( fle% & blood6 ,?\gh x 0 t ( a fa!r s ,ca?olic & s wise--he 0 v mu* s1 & ?is act ( 8 c\ld n be ! effect ( any ignorance on 8 "p--:at evil x might h done me6 #ah4 ,t v night my sickness became s acute1 t = ab\t f\r days ,i rema9$ ins5sible4 ,!y adm9i/]$ ! ,sacram5t ( ! la/ ,ano9t+1 & e h\r1 or r e mom5t1 ?\ght ,i 0 dy+2 !y did no?+ b repeat ! ,cr$o1 z if ,i c\ld h und]/ood any?+ !y said4 ,!y mu/ h reg>d$ me z dead m ?an once1 = ,i f\nd aft]w>ds drops ( wax on my eyelids4 ,my fa!r1 because he _h n all[$ me to g to confession1 0 griev\sly di/ress$4 ,l\d cries & _m pray]s 7 made to ,god3 bless$ be ,he ,:o he>d !m4 #ai4 ,= a day-&-a-half ! grave 0 op5 9 my mona/]y1 wait+ = my body2 #aj & ! ,fri>s ( our ,ord]1 9 a h\se at "s di/ance f ?is place1 p]=m$ fun]al solemnities4 ,b x pleas$ our ,"l ,i %\ld come to myself4 ,i wi%$ to g to confession at once4 ,i communicat$ ) _m te>s2 b ,i d n ?9k ^? te>s _h _! s\rce 9 t pa9 & sorr[ only = hav+ (f5d$ ,god1 :i* might h suffic$ = my salvation--unless1 inde$1 ! delusion :i* ,i lab\r$ "u 7 "s excuse = me1 & into :i* ,i _h be5 l$ by ^? :o _h told me t "s ?+s 7 n mortal s9s :i* aft]w>ds ,i f\nd 7 s c]ta9ly4 #bj4 ,?\gh my suff]+s 7 un5durable1 & my p]ceptions dull1 yet my confession1 ,i believe1 0 complete z to all matt]s :]e9 ,i und]/ood myself to h (f5d$ ,god4 ,?is grace1 among o!rs1 did ,8 ,maje/y be/[ on me1 t ev] s9ce my fir/ ,communion nev] 9 confession h ,i fail$ to confess any?+ ,i ?\ght to be a s91 ?\gh x might be only a v5ial s94 ,b ,i ?9k t und\bt$ly my salvation 0 9 great p]il1 if ,i _h di$ at t "t--p>tly because my confessors 7 s unle>n$1 & p>tly because ,i 0 s v wick$4 ,x is c]ta9ly true t :5 ,i ?9k ( x1 & consid] h[ our ,"l seems to h rais$ me up f ! dead1 ,i am s fill$ ) wond]1 t ,i almo/ tremble ) fe>4 #aa #ba4 ,& n[1 ,o my s\l1 x 7 well = !e to look t dang] 9 ! face f :i* our ,"l deliv]$ !e2 & if ?\ do/ n cease to (f5d ,him out ( love ?\ %\ld/ d s out ( fe>4 ,he might h sla9 !e a ?\s& times1 & 9 a f> m p]il\s /ate4 ,i believe ,i exagg]ate no?+ if ,i say a ?\s& times aga91 ?\gh he may rebuke me :o has comm&$ me to re/ra9 myself 9 rec\nt+ my s9s2 & !y are gloss$ ov] en\gh4 ,i pray him1 = ! love ( ,god1 n to suppress "o ( my faults1 because h]e9 %9es =? ! magnific5ce ( ,god1 z well z ,8 long-suff]+ t[>ds s\ls4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]more1 & de/roy me utt]ly1 r ?an let me cease to love ,him any m6 #a4 ,*4 iv4 #f4 ,! p]son to :om %e 0 tak5 0 a woman fam\s = c]ta9 cures %e _h wr\ght1 b ^: skill prov$ worse ?an useless to ! ,sa9t 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 xi4 #b74 #b4 ,s*ram1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic41 #dhc4 ,magni doctores s*ola/ici1 si non s9t spirituales1 vel omni r]um spiritualium exp]i5tia c>eant1 non sol5t esse magi/ri spirituales idonei--nam !ologia s*ola/ica e/ p]fectio intellectus2 my/ica1 p]fectio intellectus et voluntatis3 unde bonus !ologus s*ola/icus pote/ esse malus !ologus my/icus4 ,9 rebus tam5 difficilibus1 dubiis1 spiritualibus1 pr/at m$iocrit] spiritualem !ologum consul]e quam spiritualem idiotam4 #c4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 viii4 #b2 b *4 v4 ,dalton's edition4 #d4 ,f4 ,vic5te ,b>ron 7,b\ix74 #e4 ,see *4 xxiii4 #f4 #f4 #g4 #i4 #h4 ,*4 iv4 #f4 #i4 ,job ii4 #aj3 ,si bona suscepimus de manu ,dei1 mala qu>e non suscipiamus8 #aj4 ,"s ( ! nuns ( ! ,inc>nation 7 9 ! h\se1 s5t ?i!r f ! mona/]y2 &1 b = ! fa!r's disbelief 9 h] dea?1 w\ld h tak5 h] home = burial 7,rib]a1 lib4 i4 *4 iv474 #aa4 ,rib]a1 lib4 i4 *4 iv41 says he he>d ,fra ,baes1 9 a s]mon1 say t ! ,sa9t told him %e _h1 dur+ ^! f\r days1 se5 hell 9 a vision4 ,& ! *ronicl] says t ?\gh !re 0 bodily illness1 yet x 0 a trance ( ! s\l at ! same "t 7vol4 i4 lib4 i4 *4 xii4 #c74 ,*apt] ,,vi4 ,! ,great ,debt ,%e ,ow$ to ,our ,"l = ,8 ,m]cy to ,h]4 ,%e ,takes ,/4 ,joseph = ,h] ,patron4 #a4 ,aft] ^? f\r days1 dur+ :i* ,i 0 ins5sible1 s great 0 my di/ress1 t our ,"l alone kn[e? ! intol]able suff]+s ,i endur$4 ,my tongue 0 bitt5 to pieces2 !re 0 a *ok+ 9 my ?roat because ,i _h tak5 no?+1 & because ( my weakness1 s t ,i c\ld n swall[ ev5 a drop ( wat]2 all my bones seem$ to be out ( jo9t1 & ! disord] ( my head 0 extreme4 ,i 0 b5t toge!r l a coil ( ropes--= to ?is 0 ,i br\ght by ! torture ( ^? days--unable to move ei!r arm1 or foot1 or h&1 or head1 any m ?an if ,i _h be5 dead1 unless o!rs mov$ me2 ,i c\ld move1 h[ev]1 ,i ?9k1 "o f+] ( my "r h&4 ,!n1 z to t\*+ me1 t 0 impossible1 = ,i 0 s bruis$ t ,i c\ld n endure x4 ,!y us$ to move me 9 a %eet1 "o hold+ "o end1 & ano!r ! o!r4 ,?is la/$ till ,palm ,sunday4 #a #b4 ,! only com=t ,i _h 0 ?is--if no "o came ne> me1 my pa9s frequ5tly ceas$2 & !n1 because ,i _h a little re/1 ,i consid]$ myself well1 = ,i 0 afraid my pati5ce w\ld fail3 & ?us ,i 0 exce$+ly happy :5 ,i saw myself free f ^? pa9s :i* 7 s %>p & con/ant1 ?\gh 9 ! cold fits ( an int]mitt5t fev]1 :i* 7 mo/ viol5t1 !y 7 /ill un5durable4 ,my dislike ( food 0 v great4 #c4 ,i 0 n[ s anxi\s to return to my mona/]y1 t ,i _h myself convey$ ?i!r 9 ! /ate ,i 0 94 ,!re !y receiv$ alive "o :om !y _h wait$ = z dead2 b h] body 0 worse ?an dead3 ! sight ( x c\ld only give pa94 ,x is impossible to describe my extreme weakness1 = ,i 0 no?+ b bones4 ,i rema9$ 9 ?is /ate1 z ,i h already said1 #b m ?an eight mon?s2 & 0 p>alytic1 ?\gh gett+ bett]1 = ab\t ?ree ye>s4 ,i prais$ ,god :5 ,i began to crawl on my h&s & knees4 ,i bore all ?is ) great resignation1 &1 if ,i except ! beg9n+ ( my illness1 ) great joy2 = all ?is 0 z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) ! pa9s & tortures ,i _h to be> at fir/4 ,i 0 resign$ to ! w ( ,god1 ev5 if ,he left me 9 ?is /ate = ev]4 ,my anxiety ab\t ! recov]y ( my heal? seem$ to be gr\nd$ on my desire to pray 9 solitude1 z ,i _h be5 taught2 = !re 7 no means ( do+ s 9 ! infirm>y4 ,i w5t to confession mo/ frequ5tly1 spoke mu* ab\t ,god1 & 9 su* a way z to edify ev]yone2 & !y all m>vell$ at ! pati5ce :i* our ,"l gave me--= if x _h n come f ! h& ( ,8 ,maje/y1 x seem$ impossible to endure s great an affliction ) s great a joy4 #d4 ,x 0 a great ?+ = me to h _h ! grace ( pray] :i* ,god _h wr\ght 9 me2 x made me und]/& :at x is to love ,him4 ,9 a little :ile1 ,i saw ^! virtues r5ew$ )9 me2 /ill !y 7 n /rong1 = !y 7 n suffici5t to su/a9 me 9 ju/ice4 ,i nev] spoke ill 9 ! slighte/ degree :atev] ( any "o1 & my ord9>y practice 0 to avoid all detraction2 = ,i us$ to keep mo/ c>efully 9 m9d t ,i ought n to ass5t to1 nor say ( ano!r1 any?+ ,i %\ld n l to h said ( myself4 ,i 0 extremely c>eful to keep ?is resolution on all occasions ?\gh n s p]fectly1 ^u "s great occasions t pres5t$ !mselves1 z n to break x sometimes4 ,b my ord9>y practice 0 ?is3 & ?us ^? :o 7 ab\t me1 & ^? ) :om ,i conv]s$1 became s conv9c$ t x 0 "r1 t !y adopt$ x z a habit4 ,x came to be und]/ood t :]e ,i 01 abs5t p]sons 7 safe2 s !y 7 also ) my fri5ds & k9dr$1 & ) ^? :om ,i in/ruct$4 ,/ill1 = all ?is1 ,i h a /rict acc\nt to give unto ,god = ! bad example ,i gave 9 o!r respects4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y to =give me1 = ,i h be5 ! cause ( mu* evil2 ?\gh n ) int5tions z p]v]se z 7 ! acts t foll[$4 #e4 ,! long+ = solitude rema9$1 & ,i lov$ to disc\rse & speak ( ,god2 = if ,i f\nd any "o ) :om ,i c\ld d s1 x 0 a great] joy & satisfaction to me ?an all ! ref9em5ts--or r to speak m correctly1 ! real rud5ess--( ! _w's conv]sation4 ,i communicat$ & confess$ m frequ5tly /ill1 & desir$ to d s2 ,i 0 extremely fond ( read+ good books2 ,i 0 mo/ deeply p5it5t = hav+ (f5d$ ,god2 & ,i rememb] t v (t5 ,i did n d>e to pray1 because ,i 0 afraid ( t mo/ bitt] angui% :i* ,i felt = hav+ (f5d$ ,god1 dread+ x z a great *a/isem5t4 ,?is grew ^u me aft]w>ds to s great a degree1 t ,i "k ( no torm5t :]e) to comp>e x2 & yet x 0 nei!r m nor less because ( any fe> ,i _h at any "t1 = x came ^u me only :5 ,i rememb]$ ! consolations ( our ,"l :i* ,he gave me 9 pray]1 ! great debt ,i ow$ ,him1 ! evil return ,i made3 ,i c\ld n be> x4 ,i 0 also extremely angry ) myself on acc\nt ( ! _m te>s ,i %$ = my faults1 :5 ,i saw h[ little ,i improv$1 see+ t nei!r my good resolutions1 nor ! pa9s ,i took1 7 suffici5t to keep me f fall+ :5ev] ,i _h ! opportunity4 ,i look$ on my te>s z a delusion2 & my faults1 !re=e1 ,i reg>d$ z ! m griev\s1 because ,i saw ! great goodness ( our ,"l to me 9 ! %$d+ ( ^? te>s1 & toge!r ) !m su* deep compunction4 #f4 ,i took c>e to g to confession z soon z ,i c\ld2 &1 z ,i ?9k1 did all t 0 possible on my "p to return to a /ate ( grace4 ,b ! :ole evil lay 9 my n ?or\ghly avoid+ ! occasions ( s91 & 9 my confessors1 :o help$ me s little4 ,if !y _h told me t ,i 0 travell+ on a dang]\s road1 & t ,i 0 b\nd to ab/a9 f ^? conv]sations1 ,i believe1 )\t any d\bt1 t ! matt] w\ld h be5 rem$i$1 because ,i c\ld n be> to rema9 ev5 = "o day 9 mortal s91 if ,i knew x4 #g4 ,all ^! tok5s ( ! fe> ( ,god came to me ?r\gh pray]2 & ! greate/ ( !m 0 ?is1 t fe> 0 swall[$ up ( love--= ,i nev] ?\ght ( *a/isem5t4 ,all ! "t ,i 0 s ill1 my /rict wat* ov] my consci5ce rea*$ to all t is mortal s94 #h4 ,o my ,god6 ,i wi%$ = heal?1 t ,i might s]ve ,!e bett]2 t 0 ! cause ( all my ru94 ,= :5 ,i saw h[ helpless ,i 0 ?r\gh p>alysis1 be+ /ill s "y1 & h[ ! physicians ( ?is _w _h dealt ) me1 ,i det]m9$ to ask ^? ( heav5 to heal me--= ,i wi%$1 nev]!less1 to be well1 ?\gh ,i bore my illness ) great joy4 ,sometimes1 too1 ,i us$ to ?9k t if ,i recov]$ my heal?1 & yet 7 lo/ = ev]1 ,i 0 bett] z ,i 04 ,b1 = all t1 ,i ?\ght ,i might s]ve ,god mu* bett] if ,i 7 well4 ,?is is our delusion2 we d n resign ourselves absolutely to ! disposition ( our ,"l1 ,:o kn[s be/ :at is = our good4 #i4 ,i began by hav+ ,masses & pray]s said = my int5tion--pray]s t 7 highly sanction$2 = ,i nev] lik$ ^? o!r devotions :i* "s p1 especially wom51 make use ( ) a c]emoni\sness to me intol]able1 b :i* move !m to be dev\t4 ,i h be5 giv5 to und]/& s9ce t !y 7 unseemly & sup]/iti\s2 & ,i took = my patron & "l ! glori\s ,/4 ,joseph1 & recomm5d$ myself e>ne/ly to him4 ,i saw cle>ly t bo? out ( ?is my pres5t tr\ble1 & out ( o!rs ( great] importance1 relat+ to my hon\r & ! loss ( my s\l1 ?is my fa!r & "l deliv]$ me1 & r5d]$ me great] s]vices ?an ,i knew h[ to ask =4 ,i _c call to m9d t ,i h ev] ask$ him at any "t = any?+ :i* he has n grant$2 & ,i am fill$ ) amazem5t :5 ,i consid] ! great fav\rs :i* ,god ha? giv5 me ?r\gh ?is bless$ ,sa9t2 ! dang]s f :i* he ha? deliv]$ me1 bo? ( body & ( s\l4 ,to o!r ,sa9ts1 our ,"l seems to h giv5 grace to succ\r m5 9 "s special necessity2 b to ?is glori\s ,sa9t1 ,i "k by exp]i5ce1 to help u 9 all3 & our ,"l w\ld h u und]/& t z ,he 0 ,himself subject to him ^u e>?--= ,/4 ,joseph hav+ ! title ( fa!r1 & be+ ,8 gu>dian1 c\ld comm& ,him--s n[ 9 heav5 ,he p]=ms all 8 petitions4 ,i h ask$ o!rs to recomm5d !mselves to ,/4 ,joseph1 & !y too "k ?is by exp]i5ce2 & !re are _m :o are n[ ( late dev\t to him1 #c hav+ _h exp]i5ce ( ?is tru?4 #aj4 ,i us$ to keep 8 fea/ ) all ! solemnity ,i c\ld1 b ) m vanity ?an spirituality1 seek+ r too mu* spl5d\r & effect1 & yet ) good int5tions4 ,i _h ?is evil 9 me1 t if our ,"l gave me grace to d any good1 t good became full ( imp]fections & ( _m faults2 b z = do+ wrong1 ! indulg5ce ( curiosity & vanity1 ,i 0 v skilful & active !re94 ,our ,"l =give me6 #aa4 ,w\ld t ,i c\ld p]suade all m5 to be dev\t to ?is glori\s ,sa9t2 = ,i "k by long exp]i5ce :at bless+s he c obta9 = u f ,god4 ,i h nev] kn[n any "o :o 0 really dev\t to him1 & :o hon\r$ him by p>ticul> s]vices1 :o did n visibly gr[ m & m 9 virtue2 = he helps 9 a special way ^? s\ls :o comm5d !mselves to him4 ,x is n[ "s ye>s s9ce ,i h always on 8 fea/ ask$ him = some?+1 & ,i always h x4 ,if ! petition be 9 any way amiss1 he directs x aright = my great] good4 #ab4 ,if ,i 7 a p]son :o _h au?ority to write1 x w\ld be a pleasure to me to be diffusive 9 speak+ mo/ m9utely ( ! graces :i* ?is glori\s ,sa9t has obta9$ = me & = o!rs4 ,b t ,i may n g beyond ! comm&m5t t is laid ^u me1 ,i mu/ 9 _m ?+s be m brief ?an ,i c\ld wi%1 & m diffusive ?an is necess>y 9 o!rs2 =1 9 %ort1 ,i am a p]son :o1 9 all t is good1 has b little discretion4 ,b ,i ask1 = ! love ( ,god1 t he :o does n believe me w make ! trial = himself--:5 he w see by exp]i5ce ! great good t results f comm5d+ oneself to ?is glori\s patri>*1 & be+ dev\t to him4 ,^? :o give !mselves to pray] %\ld 9 a special mann] h always a devotion to ,/4 ,joseph2 = ,i "k n h[ any man c ?9k ( ! ,que5 ( ! angels1 dur+ ! "t t %e suff]$ s mu* ) ! ,infant ,jesus1 )\t giv+ ?anks to ,/4 ,joseph = ! s]vices he r5d]$ !m !n4 ,he :o _c f9d any "o to tea* him h[ to pray1 let him take ?is glori\s ,sa9t = 8 ma/]1 & he w n w&] out ( ! way4 #ac4 ,may x please our ,"l t ,i h n done amiss 9 v5tur+ to speak ab\t ,/4 ,joseph2 =1 ?\gh ,i publicly pr(ess my devotion to him1 ,i h always fail$ 9 my s]vice to him & imitation ( him4 ,he 0 l himself :5 he made me able to rise & walk1 no long] a p>alytic2 & ,i1 too1 am l myself :5 ,i make s bad a use ( ?is grace4 #ad4 ,:o c\ld h said t ,i 0 s soon to fall1 aft] su* great consolations f ,god--aft] ,8 ,maje/y _h implant$ virtues 9 me :i* ( !mselves made me s]ve ,him--aft] ,i _h be51 z x 71 dead1 & 9 su* extreme p]il ( et]nal damnation--aft] ,he _h rais$ me up1 s\l & body1 s t all :o saw me m>vell$ to see me alive8 ,:at c x mean1 ,o my ,"l8 ,! life we live is s full ( dang]6 ,:ile ,i am writ+ ?is--& x seems to me1 too1 by ,?y grace & m]cy--,i may say ) ,/4 ,paul1 ?\gh n s truly z he did3 ,x is n ,i :o live n[1 b ,?\1 my ,creator1 live/ 9 me4 #d ,= "s ye>s pa/1 s x seems to me1 ,?\ ha/ held me by ! h&2 & ,i see 9 myself desires & resolutions--9 "s measure te/$ by exp]i5ce1 9 _m ways1 dur+ t "t--nev] to d any?+1 h[ev] slight x may be1 contr>y to ,?y w1 ?\gh ,i mu/ h frequ5tly (f5d$ ,?y ,div9e ,maje/y )\t be+ aw>e ( x2 & ,i also ?9k t no?+ c be propos$ to me t ,i %\ld n ) great resolution und]take = ,?y love4 ,9 "s ?+s ,?\ ha/ ,?yself help$ me to succe$ !re94 ,i love nei!r ! _w1 nor ! ?+s ( ! _w2 nor d ,i believe t any?+ t does n come f ,!e c give me pleasure2 ev]y?+ else seems to me a heavy cross4 #ae4 ,/ill1 ,i may easily deceive myself1 & x may be t ,i am n :at ,i say ,i am2 b ,?\ kn[e/1 ,o my ,"l1 t1 to ! be/ ( my k1 ,i lie n4 ,i am afraid1 & ) good reason1 le/ ,?\ %\ld/ ab&on me2 = ,i "k n[ h[ f> my /r5g? & little virtue c rea*1 if ,?\ be n ev] at h& to supply !m1 & to help me nev] to =sake ,!e4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y grant t ,i be n =sak5 ( ,!e ev5 n[1 :5 ,i am ?9k+ all ?is ( myself6 #af4 ,i "k n h[ we c wi% to live1 see+ t ev]y?+ is s unc]ta94 ,once1 ,o ,"l1 ,i ?\ght x impossible to =sake ,!e s utt]ly2 & n[ t ,i h =sak5 ,!e s (t51 ,i _c help be+ afraid2 = :5 ,?\ did/ )draw b a little f me1 ,i fell d[n to ! gr\nd at once4 ,bless$ = ev] be ,?\6 ,?\gh ,i h =sak5 ,!e1 ,?\ ha/ n =sak5 me s utt]ly b t ,?\ ha/ come aga9 & rais$ me up1 giv+ me ,?y h& always4 ,v (t51 ,o ,"l1 ,i w\ld n take x3 v (t5 ,i w\ld n li/5 :5 ,?\ w]t call+ me aga91 z ,i am go+ to %[4 #a4 ,m>* #be1 #aecg4 #b4 ,*4 v4 #ag4 ,! ,sa9t left h] mona/]y 9 #aece2 & 9 ! spr+ ( #aecf w5t f h] si/]'s h\se to ,bezadas2 & 9 ,july ( t ye> 0 br\ght back to h] fa!r's h\se 9 ,avila1 :]e9 %e rema9$ till ,palm ,sunday1 #aecg1 :5 %e return$ to ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation4 ,%e _h be5 seiz$ ) p>alysis !re1 & lab\r$ "u x ne>ly ?ree ye>s1 f #aecf to #aeci1 :5 %e 0 miracul\sly heal$ ?r\gh ! int]cession ( ,/4 ,joseph 7,boll&1 n4 #ajj1 #aja74 ,! dates ( ! ,*ronicl] are diff]5t f ^!4 #c4 ,( ! devotion to ,/4 ,joseph1 ,f4 ,fab] 7,! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 bk4 ii4 p4 #aii1 #crd ed47 says t x took its rise 9 ! ,we/1 9 a confrat]nity 9 ,avignon4 ,!n x spread ov] ! *ur*4 ,g]son 0 rais$ up to be its doctor & !ologian1 & ,/4 ,t]esa to be its ,sa9t1 & ,/4 ,francis ( ,sales to be its popul> tea*] & mission>y4 ,! h\ses ( ,c>mel 7 l ! holy h\se ( ,naz>e? to x2 & ! colleges ( ! ,jesuits1 its peaceful soj\rns 9 d>k ,egypt4 #d4 ,galat4 ii4 #bj3 ,vivo autem1 jam non ego2 vivit v]o 9 me ,*ri/us4 ,*apt] ,,vii4 ,lukew>mness4 ,! ,loss ( ,grace4 ,inconv5i5ce ( ,laxity 9 ,religi\s ,h\ses4 #a4 ,s1 !n1 go+ on f pa/ime to pa/ime1 f vanity to vanity1 f "o occasion ( s9 to ano!r1 ,i began to expose myself exce$+ly to ! v greate/ dang]s3 my s\l 0 s di/ract$ by _m vanities1 t ,i 0 a%am$ to draw ne> unto ,god 9 an act ( su* special fri5d%ip z t ( pray]4 #a ,z my s9s multipli$1 ,i began to lose ! pleasure & com=t ,i _h 9 virtu\s ?+s3 & t loss contribut$ to ! ab&onm5t ( pray]4 ,i see n[ mo/ cle>ly1 ,o my ,"l1 t ?is com=t dep>t$ f me because ,i _h dep>t$ f ,!e4 #b4 ,x 0 ! mo/ fe>ful delusion into :i* ,satan c\ld plunge me--to give up pray] "u ! pret5ce ( humility4 ,i began to be afraid ( giv+ myself to pray]1 because ,i saw myself s lo/4 ,i ?\ght x w\ld be bett] = me1 see+ t 9 my wick$ness ,i 0 "o ( ! mo/ wick$1 to live l ! multitude--to say ! pray]s :i* ,i 0 b\nd to say1 & t vocally3 n to practise m5tal pray] nor commune ) ,god s mu*2 = ,i des]v$ to be ) ! devils1 & 0 deceiv+ ^? :o 7 ab\t me1 because ,i made an outw>d %[ ( goodness2 & !re=e ! community 9 :i* ,i dwelt is n to be blam$2 = ) my cunn+ ,i s manag$ matt]s1 t all _h a good op9ion ( me2 & yet ,i did n seek ?is delib]ately by simulat+ devotion2 = 9 all t relates to hypocrisy & o/5tation--glory be to ,god6--,i d n rememb] t ,i ev] (f5d$ ,him1 #b s f> z ,i "k4 ,! v fir/ movem5ts h]e9 gave me su* pa91 t ! devil w\ld dep>t f me ) loss1 & ! ga9 rema9$ ) me2 & ?us1 accord+ly1 he nev] tempt$ me mu* 9 ?is way4 ,p]haps1 h[ev]1 if ,god _h p]mitt$ ,satan to tempt me z %>ply h]e9 z he tempt$ me 9 o!r ?+s1 ,i %\ld h fall5 also into ?is2 b ,8 ,maje/y has pres]v$ me until n[4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]more6 ,x 0 r a heavy affliction to me t ,i %\ld be ?\ght s well (2 = ,i knew my own secret4 #c4 ,! reason :y !y ?\ght ,i 0 n s wick$ 0 ?is3 !y saw t ,i1 :o 0 s "y1 & expos$ to s _m occasions ( s91 )drew myself s (t5 into solitude = pray]1 read mu*1 spoke ( ,god1 t ,i lik$ to h ,8 image pa9t$ 9 _m places1 to h an oratory ( my own1 & furni% x ) objects ( devotion1 t ,i spoke ill ( no "o1 & o!r ?+s ( ! same k9d 9 me :i* h ! appe>ance ( virtue4 ,yet all ! :ile--,i 0 s va9--,i knew h[ to procure respect = myself by do+ ^? ?+s :i* 9 ! _w are usually reg>d$ ) respect4 #d4 ,9 consequ5ce ( ?is1 !y gave me z mu* lib]ty z !y did to ! olde/ nuns1 & ev5 m1 & _h great confid5ce 9 me2 = z to tak+ any lib]ty = myself1 or do+ any?+ )\t leave--su* z conv]s+ ?r\gh ! door1 or 9 secret1 or by night--,i d n ?9k ,i c\ld h br\ght myself to speak ) anybody 9 ! mona/]y 9 t way1 & ,i nev] did x2 = our ,"l held me back4 ,x seem$ to me--= ,i consid]$ _m ?+s c>efully & ( set purpose--t x w\ld be a v evil de$ on my "p1 wick$ z ,i 01 to risk ! cr$it ( s _m nuns1 :o 7 all good--z if ev]y?+ else ,i did 0 well done6 ,9 tru?1 ! evil ,i did 0 n ! result ( delib]ation1 z ?is w\ld h be51 if ,i _h done x1 al?\gh x 0 too mu* s4 #e4 ,!re=e1 ,i ?9k t x did me mu* h>m to be 9 a mona/]y n enclos$4 ,! lib]ty :i* ^? :o 7 good might h ) advantage--!y n be+ oblig$ to d m ?an !y d1 because !y _h n b\nd !mselves to enclosure--w\ld c]ta9ly h l$ me1 :o am wick$1 /raight to hell1 if our ,"l1 by s _m rem$ies & means ( ,8 mo/ s+ul> m]cy1 _h n deliv]$ me out ( t dang]--& x is1 ,i believe1 ! v greate/ dang]--namely1 a mona/]y ( wom5 un5clos$--yea1 m1 ,i ?9k x is1 = ^? :o w be wick$1 a road to hell1 r ?an a help to _! weakness4 ,?is is n to be und]/ood ( my mona/]y2 = !re are s _m !re :o 9 ! utmo/ s9c]ity1 & 9 great p]fection1 s]ve our ,"l1 s t ,8 ,maje/y1 accord+ to ,8 goodness1 _c b be graci\s unto !m2 nei!r is x "o ( ^? :i* are mo/ op5 = all religi\s obs]vances are kept 9 x2 & ,i am speak+ only ( o!rs :i* ,i h se5 & kn[n4 #f4 ,i am exce$+ly sorry = ^! h\ses1 because our ,"l mu/ ( necessity s5d ,8 special inspirations n m]ely once1 b _m times1 if ! nuns !re9 are to be sav$1 see+ t ! hon\rs & amusem5ts ( ! _w are all[$ among !m1 & ! obligations ( _! /ate are s ill-und]/ood4 ,god grant !y may n c\nt t to be virtue :i* is s91 z ,i did s (t56 ,x is v difficult to make p und]/& ?is2 x is necess>y our ,"l ,himself %\ld take ! matt] s]i\sly into ,8 own h&s4 #g4 ,if p>5ts w\ld take my advice1 n[ t !y are at no pa9s to place _! daught]s :]e !y may walk 9 ! way ( salvation )\t incurr+ a great] risk ?an !y w\ld d if !y 7 left 9 ! _w1 let !m look at lea/ at t :i* conc]ns _! good "n4 ,let !m m>ry !m to p]sons ( a mu* l[] degree1 r ?an place !m 9 mona/]ies ( ?is k9d1 unless !y be ( extremely good incl9ations1 & ,god grant t ^! incl9ations may come to good6 or let !m keep !m at home4 ,if !y w be wick$ at home1 _! evil life c be hidd5 only = a %ort "t2 b 9 mona/]ies x c be hidd5 long1 &1 9 ! end1 x is our ,"l t discov]s x4 ,!y injure n only !mselves1 b all ! nuns also4 ,& all ! :ile ! poor ?+s are n 9 fault2 = !y walk 9 ! way t is %[n !m4 ,_m ( !m are to be piti$2 = !y wi%$ to )draw f ! _w1 &1 ?9k+ to escape f ! dang]s ( x1 & t !y 7 go+ to s]ve our ,"l1 h f\nd !mselves 9 t5 worlds at once1 )\t kn[+ :at to d1 or h[ to help !mselves4 ,y\? & s5suality & ! devil invite !m & incl9e !m to foll[ c]ta9 ways :i* are ( ! ess5ce ( worldl9ess4 ,!y see ^! ways1 s to speak1 consid]$ z safe !re4 #h4 ,n[1 ^! seem to me to be 9 "s degree l ^? wret*$ h]etics :o w make !mselves bl9d1 & :o w consid] t :i* !y d to be good1 & s believe1 b )\t really believ+2 = !y h )9 !mselves some?+ t tells !m x is wrong4 #i4 ,oh1 :at utt] ru96 utt] ru9 ( religi\s p]sons--,i am n speak+ n[ m ( wom5 ?an ( m5--:]e ! rules ( ! ,ord] are n kept2 :]e ! same mona/]y (f]s two roads3 "o ( virtue & obs]vance1 ! o!r ( inobs]vance1 & bo? equally frequ5t$6 ,i h spok5 incorrectly3 !y are n equally frequ5t$2 =1 on acc\nt ( our s9s1 ! way ( ! greate/ imp]fection is ! mo/ frequ5t$2 & because x is ! broade/1 x is also ! mo/ 9 fav\r4 ,! way ( religi\s obs]vance is s little us$1 t ! fri> & ! nun :o w\ld really beg9 to foll[ _! vocation ?or\ghly h reason to fe> ! memb]s ( _! communities m ?an all ! devils toge!r4 ,!y mu/ be m cauti\s1 & dissemble m1 :5 !y w\ld speak ( t fri5d%ip ) ,god :i* !y desire to h1 ?an :5 !y w\ld speak ( ^? fri5d%ips & affections :i* ! devil arranges 9 mona/]ies4 ,i "k n :y we are a/oni%$ t ! ,*ur* is 9 s mu* tr\ble1 :5 we see ^?1 :o ought to be an example ( e virtue to o!rs1 s disfigure ! "w :i* ! _s ( ! ,sa9ts dep>t$ wr\ght 9 _! ,ord]s4 ,may x please ,8 ,div9e ,maje/y to apply a rem$y to ?is1 z ,he sees x to be ne$ful6 ,am54 #aj4 ,s1 !n1 :5 ,i began to indulge 9 ^! conv]sations1 ,i did n ?9k1 see+ !y 7 cu/om>y1 t my s\l mu/ be injur$ & dissipat$1 z ,i aft]w>ds f\nd x mu/ be1 by su* conv]sations4 ,i ?\ght t1 z receiv+ visits 0 s common 9 _m mona/]ies1 no m h>m w\ld befall me !reby ?an befell o!rs1 :om ,i knew to be good4 ,i did n obs]ve t !y 7 mu* bett] ?an ,i 01 & t an act :i* 0 p]il\s = me 0 n s p]il\s = !m2 & yet ,i h no d\bt !re 0 "s dang] 9 x1 7 x no?+ else b a wa/e ( "t4 #aa4 ,i 0 once ) a p]son--x 0 at ! v beg9n+ ( my acqua9tance ) h] :5 our ,"l 0 pleas$ to %[ me t ^! fri5d%ips 7 n good = me3 to w>n me also1 & 9 my bl9dness1 :i* 0 s great1 to give me light4 ,*ri/ /ood be=e me1 /]n & grave1 giv+ me to und]/& :at 9 my conduct 0 (f5sive to ,him4 ,i saw ,him ) ! eyes ( ! s\l m di/9ctly ?an ,i c\ld h se5 ,him ) ! eyes ( ! body4 ,! vision made s deep an impression ^u me1 t1 ?\gh x is m ?an tw5ty-six ye>s ago1 #c ,i seem to see ,him pres5t ev5 n[4 ,i 0 greatly a/oni%$ & di/urb$1 & ,i resolv$ n to see t p]son aga94 #ab4 ,x did me mu* h>m t ,i did n !n "k x 0 possible to see any?+ o!rwise ?an ) ! eyes ( ! body2 #d s did ,satan too1 9 t he help$ me to ?9k s3 he made me und]/& x to be impossible1 & sugge/$ t ,i _h imag9$ ! vision--t x might be ,satan himself--& o!r suppositions ( t k9d4 ,= all ?is1 ! impression rema9$ ) me t ! vision 0 f ,god1 & n an imag9ation2 b1 z x 0 n to my lik+1 ,i =c$ myself to lie to myself2 & z ,i did n d>e to discuss ! matt] ) any "o1 & z great importunity 0 us$1 ,i w5t back to my =m] conv]sation ) ! same p]son1 & ) o!rs also1 at diff]5t times2 = ,i 0 assur$ t !re 0 no h>m 9 see+ su* a p]son1 & t ,i ga9$1 in/ead ( los+1 reputation by do+ s4 ,i sp5t _m ye>s 9 ?is pe/il5t amusem5t2 = x nev] appe>$ to me1 :5 ,i 0 engag$ 9 x1 to be s bad z x really 01 ?\gh at times ,i saw cle>ly x 0 n good4 ,b no "o caus$ me ! same di/raction :i* t p]son did ( :om ,i am speak+2 & t 0 because ,i _h a great affection = h]4 #ac4 ,at ano!r "t1 :5 ,i 0 ) t p]son1 we saw1 bo? ( u1 & o!rs :o 7 pres5t also saw1 some?+ l a great toad crawl+ t[>ds u1 m rapidly ?an su* a creature is 9 ! habit ( crawl+4 ,i _c und]/& h[ a reptile ( t k9d c\ld1 9 ! middle ( ! day1 h come =? f t place2 x nev] _h done s be=e1 #e b ! impression x made on me 0 su*1 t ,i ?9k x mu/ h _h a mean+2 nei!r h ,i ev] =gott5 x4 ,oh1 ! greatness ( ,god6 ) :at c>e & t5d]ness did/ ,?\ w>n me 9 e way6 & h[ little ,i pr(it$ by ^? w>n+s6 #ad4 ,!re 0 9 t h\se a nun1 :o 0 relat$ to me1 n[ gr[n old1 a great s]vant ( ,god1 & a /rict obs]v] ( ! rule4 ,%e too w>n$ me f "t to "t2 b ,i n only did n li/5 to h]1 b 0 ev5 (f5d$1 ?9k+ %e 0 sc&aliz$ )\t cause4 ,i h m5tion$ ?is 9 ord] t my wick$ness & ! great goodness ( ,god might be und]/ood1 & to %[ h[ mu* ,i des]v$ hell = +ratitude s great1 &1 moreov]1 if x %\ld be our ,"l's w & pleasure t any nun at any "t %\ld read ?is1 t %e might take w>n+ by me4 ,i besee* !m all1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 to flee f su* recreations z ^!4 #ae4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y grant ,i may undeceive "s "o ( ! _m ,i l$ a/ray :5 ,i told !m !re 0 no h>m 9 ^! ?+s1 & assur$ !m !re 0 no su* great dang] !re94 ,i did s because ,i 0 bl9d myself2 = ,i w\ld n delib]ately lead !m a/ray4 ,by ! bad example ,i set be=e !m--,i spoke ( ?is be=e #f--;,i 0 ! occasion ( mu* evil1 n ?9k+ ,i 0 do+ s mu* h>m4 #af4 ,9 ^? e>ly days1 :5 ,i 0 ill1 & be=e ,i knew h[ to be ( use to myself1 ,i _h a v /rong desire to fur!r ! progress ( o!rs3 #g a mo/ common temptation ( beg9n]s4 ,) me1 h[ev]1 x _h good results4 ,lov+ my fa!r s mu*1 ,i long$ to see him 9 ! possession ( t good :i* ,i seem$ to d]ive myself f pray]4 ,i ?\ght t 9 ?is life !re c\ld n be a great] good ?an pray]2 & by r\ndab\t ways1 z well z ,i c\ld1 ,i contriv$ make him ent] ^u x2 ,i gave him books = t end4 ,z he 0 s good--,i said s be=e #h--?is ex]cise took su* a hold ^u him1 t 9 five or six ye>s1 ,i ?9k x 01 he made s great a progress t ,i us$ to praise our ,"l = x4 ,x 0 a v great consolation to me4 ,he _h mo/ griev\s trials ( div]se k9ds2 & he bore !m all ) ! greate/ resignation4 ,he came (t5 to see me2 = x 0 a com=t to him to speak ( ! ?+s ( ,god4 #ag4 ,& n[ t ,i _h become s dissipat$1 & _h ceas$ to pray1 & yet saw t he /ill ?\ght ,i 0 :at ,i us$ to be1 ,i c\ld n endure x1 & s undeceiv$ him4 ,i _h be5 a ye> & m )\t pray+1 ?9k+ x an act ( great] humility to ab/a94 ,?is--,i %all speak ( x aga9 #i--0 ! greate/ temptation ,i ev] _h1 because x v ne>ly wr\ght my utt] ru92 #aj =1 :5 ,i us$ to pray1 if ,i (f5d$ ,god "o day1 on ! foll[+ days ,i w\ld recollect myself1 & )draw f>!r f ! occasions ( s94 #ah4 ,:5 t bless$ man1 hav+ t good op9ion ( me1 came to visit me1 x pa9$ me to see him s deceiv$ z to ?9k t ,i us$ to pray to ,god z be=e4 ,s ,i told him t ,i did n pray2 b ,i did n tell him :y4 ,i put my infirmities =w>d z an excuse2 = ?\gh ,i _h recov]$ f t :i* 0 s tr\blesome1 ,i h always be5 weak1 ev5 v mu* s2 & ?\gh my infirmities are some:at less tr\blesome n[ ?an !y 71 !y /ill afflict me 9 _m ways2 specially1 ,i h be5 suff]+ = tw5ty ye>s f sickness e morn+1 #aa s t ,i c\ld n take any food till pa/ mid-day1 & ev5 occasionally n till lat]2 & n[1 s9ce my ,communions h become m frequ5t1 x is at night1 be=e ,i lie d[n to re/1 t ! sickness occurs1 & ) great] pa92 = ,i h to br+ x on ) a fea!r1 or o!r means4 ,if ,i d n br+ x on1 ,i suff] m2 & ?us ,i am nev]1 ,i believe1 free f great pa91 :i* is sometimes v acute1 especially ab\t ! he>t2 ?\gh ! fa9t+-fits are n[ b ( r>e occurr5ce4 ,i am also1 ^! eight ye>s pa/1 free f ! p>alysis1 & f o!r infirmities ( fev]1 :i* ,i _h s (t54 ,^! afflictions ,i n[ reg>d s lightly1 t ,i am ev5 glad ( !m1 believ+ t our ,"l 9 "s degree takes ,8 pleasure 9 !m4 #ai4 ,my fa!r believ$ me :5 ,i gave him t = a reason1 z he nev] told a lie himself2 nei!r %\ld ,i h done s1 consid]+ ! relation we 7 94 ,i told him1 9 ord] to be ! m easily believ$1 t x 0 mu* = me to be able to att5d 9 *oir1 ?\gh ,i saw cle>ly t ?is 0 no excuse :atev]2 nei!r1 h[ev]1 0 x a suffici5t reason = giv+ up a practice :i* does n require1 ( necessity1 bodily /r5g?1 b only love & a habit !re(2 yet our ,"l always furni%es an opportunity = x1 if we b seek x4 ,i say always2 = ?\gh !re may be times1 z 9 illness1 & f o!r causes1 :5 we _c be mu* alone1 yet x nev] c be b !re mu/ be opportunities :5 our /r5g? is suffici5t = ! purpose2 & 9 sickness itself1 & amid/ o!r h9drances1 true pray] consi/s1 :5 ! s\l loves1 9 (f]+ up its burd51 & 9 ?9k+ ( ,him = ,:om x suff]s1 & 9 ! resignation ( ! w1 & 9 a ?\s& ways :i* !n pres5t !mselves4 ,x is "u ^! circum/ances t love ex]ts itself = x is n necess>ily pray] :5 we are alone2 & nei!r is x n pray] :5 we are n4 #bj4 ,) a little c>e1 we may f9d great bless+s on ^? occasions :5 our ,"l1 by means ( afflictions1 deprives u ( "t = pray]2 & s ,i f\nd x :5 ,i _h a good consci5ce4 ,b my fa!r1 hav+ t op9ion ( me :i* he _h1 & because ( ! love he bore me1 believ$ all ,i told him2 moreov]1 he 0 sorry = me2 & z he _h n[ ris5 to great heights ( pray] himself1 he nev] rema9$ ) me long2 = :5 he _h se5 me1 he w5t 8 way1 say+ t he 0 wa/+ 8 "t4 ,z ,i 0 wa/+ x 9 o!r vanities1 ,i c>$ little ab\t ?is4 #ba4 ,my fa!r 0 n ! only p]son :om ,i prevail$ ^u to practise pray]1 ?\gh ,i 0 walk+ 9 vanity myself4 ,:5 ,i saw p]sons fond ( recit+ _! pray]s1 ,i %[$ !m h[ to make a m$itation1 & help$ !m & gave !m books2 = f ! "t ,i began myself to pray1 z ,i said be=e1 #ab ,i always _h a desire t o!rs %\ld s]ve ,god4 ,i ?\ght1 n[ t ,i did n myself s]ve our ,"l accord+ to ! light ,i _h1 t ! k ,8 ,maje/y _h giv5 me ought n to be lo/1 & t o!rs %\ld s]ve ,him = me4 #ac ,i say ?is 9 ord] to expla9 ! great bl9dness ,i 0 93 go+ to ru9 myself1 & lab\r+ to save o!rs4 #bb4 ,at ?is "t1 t illness befell my fa!r ( :i* he di$2 #ad x la/$ "s days4 ,i w5t to nurse him1 be+ m sick 9 _s ?an he 0 9 body1 ow+ to my _m vanities--?\gh n1 s f> z ,i "k1 to ! ext5t ( be+ 9 mortal s9--?r\gh ! :ole ( t wret*$ "t ( :i* ,i am speak+2 =1 if ,i knew myself to be 9 mortal s91 ,i w\ld n h cont9u$ 9 x on any acc\nt4 ,i suff]$ mu* myself dur+ 8 illness4 ,i believe ,i r5d]$ him "s s]vice 9 return = :at he _h suff]$ 9 m9e4 ,?\gh ,i 0 v ill1 ,i did viol5ce to myself2 & ?\gh 9 los+ him ,i 0 to lose all ! com=t & good ( my life--he 0 all ?is to me--,i 0 s c\rage\s1 t ,i nev] betray$ my sorr[s1 conceal+ !m till he 0 dead1 z if ,i felt none at all4 ,x seem$ z if my v s\l 7 wr5*$ :5 ,i saw him at ! po9t ( dea?--my love = him 0 s deep4 #bc4 ,x 0 a matt] = :i* we ought to praise our ,"l--! dea? t he di$1 & ! desire he _h to die2 s also 0 ! advice he gave u aft] ! la/ ano9t+1 h[ he *>g$ u to recomm5d him to ,god1 & to pray = m]cy = him1 h[ he bade u s]ve ,god always1 & consid] h[ all ?+s come to an end4 ,he told u ) te>s h[ sorry he 0 t he _h n s]v$ ,him himself2 = he wi%$ he 0 a fri>--,i mean1 t he _h be5 "o 9 ! ,/ricte/ ,ord] t is4 ,i h a mo/ assur$ conviction t our ,"l1 "s fifte5 days be=e1 _h reveal$ to him he 0 n to live2 = up to t "t1 ?\gh v ill1 he did n ?9k s2 b n[1 ?\gh he 0 some:at bett]1 & ! physicians said s1 he gave no he$ to !m1 b employ$ himself 9 ! ord]+ ( 8 s\l4 #bd4 ,8 *ief suff]+ consi/$ 9 a mo/ acute pa9 ( ! %\ld]s1 :i* nev] left him3 x 0 s %>p at times1 t x put him into great torture4 ,i said to him1 t z he _h s great a devotion to our ,"l c>ry+ ,8 cross on ,8 %\ld]s1 he %\ld n[ ?9k t ,8 ,maje/y wi%$ him to feel some:at ( t pa9 :i* ,he !n suff]$ ,himself4 ,?is s com=t$ him1 t ,i d n ?9k ,i he>d him compla9 aft]w>ds4 #be4 ,he rema9$ ?ree days )\t consci\sness2 b on ! day he di$1 our ,"l re/or$ him s completely1 t we 7 a/oni%$3 he pres]v$ 8 und]/&+ to ! la/2 = 9 ! middle ( ! cre$1 :i* he repeat$ himself1 he di$4 ,he lay !re l an angel--su* he seem$ to me1 if ,i may say s1 bo? 9 s\l & disposition3 he 0 v good4 #bf4 ,i "k n :y ,i h said ?is1 unless x be = ! purpose ( %[+ h[ mu* ! m ,i am to be blam$ = my wick$ness2 = aft] see+ su* a dea?1 & kn[+ :at 8 life _h be51 ,i1 9 ord] to be 9 any wise l unto su* a fa!r1 ought to h gr[n bett]4 ,8 confessor1 a mo/ le>n$ ,dom9ican1 #ae us$ to say t he _h no d\bt he w5t /raight to heav54 #af ,he _h he>d 8 confession = "s ye>s1 & spoke ) praise ( ! purity ( 8 consci5ce4 #bg4 ,?is ,dom9ican fa!r1 :o 0 a v good man1 fe>+ ,god1 did me a v great s]vice2 = ,i confess$ to him4 ,he took ^u himself ! task ( help+ my s\l 9 e>ne/1 & ( mak+ me see ! p]il\s /ate ,i 0 94 #ag ,he s5t me to ,communion once a =tnight2 #ah & ,i1 by degrees beg9n+ to speak to him1 told him ab\t my pray]4 ,he *>g$ me nev] to omit x3 t1 anyh[1 x c\ld n d me any?+ b good4 ,i began to return to x--?\gh ,i did n cut (f ! occasions ( s9--& nev] aft]w>ds gave x up4 ,my life became mo/ wret*$1 because ,i le>n$ 9 pray] m & m ( my faults4 ,on "o side1 ,god 0 call+ me2 on ! o!r1 ,i 0 foll[+ ! _w4 ,all ! ?+s ( ,god gave me great pleasure2 & ,i 0 a prison] to ! ?+s ( ! _w4 ,x seem$ z if ,i wi%$ to reconcile two contradictions1 s mu* at v>iance "o ) ano!r z are ! life ( ! _s & ! joys & pleasures & amusem5ts ( s5se4 #ai #bh4 ,i suff]$ mu* 9 pray]2 = ! _s 0 slave1 & n ma/]2 & s ,i 0 n able to %ut myself up )9 myself--t 0 my :ole me?od ( pray]--)\t %utt+ up ) me a ?\s& vanities at ! same "t4 ,i sp5t _m ye>s 9 ?is way2 & ,i am n[ a/oni%$ t any "o c\ld h borne x )\t ab&on+ ei!r ! "o or ! o!r4 ,i "k well t x 0 n 9 my p[] !n to give up pray]1 because ,he held me 9 ,8 h& ,:o s\ght me t ,he might %[ me great] m]cies4 #bi4 ,o my ,god6 if ,i might1 ,i w\ld speak ( ! occasions f :i* ,god deliv]$ me1 & h[ ,i ?rew myself into !m aga92 & ( ! risks ,i ran ( los+ utt]ly my good "n1 f :i* ,he deliv]$ me4 ,i did ?+s to %[ :at ,i 02 & our ,"l hid ! evil1 & reveal$ "s little virtue--if s be ,i _h any--& made x great 9 ! eyes ( all1 s t !y always held me 9 mu* hon\r4 ,= al?\gh my follies came occasionally into light1 p w\ld n believe x :5 !y saw o!r ?+s1 :i* !y ?\ght good4 ,! reason is1 t ,he ,:o kn[e? all ?+s saw x 0 necess>y x %\ld be s1 9 ord] t ,i might h "s cr$it giv5 me by ^? to :om 9 aft] ye>s ,i 0 to speak ( ,8 s]vice4 ,8 supreme munific5ce reg>d$ n my great s9s1 b r ! desires ,i frequ5tly _h to please ,him1 & ! pa9 ,i felt because ,i _h n ! /r5g? to br+ ^? desires to good effect4 #cj4 ,o ,"l ( my s\l6 h[ %all ,i be able to magnify ! graces :i* ,?\1 9 ^? ye>s1 did/ be/[ ^u me8 ,oh1 h[1 at ! v "t t ,i (f5d$ ,!e mo/1 ,?\ did/ prep>e me 9 a mom5t1 by a mo/ pr(\nd compunction1 to ta/e ( ! sweetness ( ,?y consolations & m]cies6 ,9 tru?1 ,o my ,k+1 ,?\ did/ adm9i/] to me ! mo/ delicate & pa9ful *a/isem5t x 0 possible = me to be>2 = ,?\ knewe/ well :at w\ld h giv5 me ! mo/ pa94 ,?\ did/ *a/ise my s9s ) great consolations4 ,i d n believe ,i am say+ fooli% ?+s1 ?\gh x may well be t ,i am beside myself :5ev] ,i call to m9d my +ratitude & my wick$ness4 #ca4 ,x 0 m pa9ful = me1 9 ! /ate ,i 0 91 to receive graces1 :5 ,i _h fall5 into griev\s faults1 ?an x w\ld h be5 to receive *a/isem5t2 = "o ( ^? faults1 ,i am sure1 us$ to br+ me l[1 %ame & di/ress me1 m ?an _m diseases1 toge!r ) _m heavy trials1 c\ld h done4 ,=1 z to ! latt]1 ,i saw t ,i des]v$ !m2 & x seem$ to me t by !m ,i 0 mak+ "s rep>ation = my s9s1 ?\gh x 0 b slight1 = my s9s are s _m4 ,b :5 ,i see myself receive graces anew1 aft] be+ s ungrateful = ^? already receiv$1 t is to me--&1 ,i believe1 to all :o h any k or love ( ,god--a fe>ful k9d ( torm5t4 ,we may see h[ true ?is is by consid]+ :at a virtu\s m9d mu/ be4 ,h5ce my te>s & vexation :5 ,i reflect$ on :at ,i felt1 see+ myself 9 a condition to fall at e mom5t1 ?\gh my resolutions & desires !n--,i am speak+ ( t "t--7 /rong4 #cb4 ,x is a great evil = a s\l to be alone 9 ! mid/ ( su* great dang]s2 x seems to me t if ,i _h _h any "o ) :om ,i c\ld h spok5 ( all ?is1 x might h help$ me n to fall4 ,i might1 at lea/1 h be5 a%am$ be=e him--& yet ,i 0 n a%am$ be=e ,god4 #cc4 ,= ?is reason1 ,i w\ld advise ^? :o give !mselves to pray]1 p>ticul>ly at fir/1 to =m fri5d%ips2 & conv]se famili>ly1 ) o!rs :o are do+ ! same ?+4 ,x is a matt] ( ! la/ importance1 ev5 if x lead only to help+ "o ano!r by pray]3 h[ mu* m1 see+ t x has l$ to mu* great] ga96 ,n[1 if 9 _! int]c\rse "o ) ano!r1 & 9 ! indulg5ce ( human affections ev5 n ( ! be/ k9d1 m5 seek fri5ds ) :om !y may refre% !mselves1 & = ! purpose ( hav+ great] satisfaction 9 speak+ ( _! empty joys1 ,i "k no reason :y x %\ld n be lawful = him :o is beg9n+ to love & s]ve ,god 9 e>ne/ to confide to ano!r 8 joys & sorr[s2 = !y :o are giv5 to pray] are ?or\ghly accu/om$ to bo?4 #cd4 ,= if t fri5d%ip ) ,god :i* he desires be real1 let him n be afraid ( va9-glory2 & if ! fir/ movem5ts !re( assail him1 he w escape f x ) m]it2 & ,i believe t he :o w discuss ! matt] ) ?is int5tion w pr(it bo? himself & ^? :o he> him1 & ?us w d]ive m light = 8 own und]/&+1 z well z = ! in/ruction ( 8 fri5ds4 ,he :o 9 discuss+ 8 me?od ( pray] falls into va9-glory w d s also :5 he he>s ,mass dev\tly1 if he is se5 ( m51 & 9 do+ o!r good works1 :i* mu/ be done "u pa9 ( be+ no ,*ri/ian2 & yet ^! ?+s mu/ n be omitt$ ?r\gh fe> ( va9-glory4 #ce4 ,moreov]1 x is a mo/ important matt] = ^? s\ls :o are n /rong 9 virtue2 = !y h s _m p1 enemies z well z fri5ds1 to urge !m ! wrong way1 t ,i d n see h[ ?is po9t is capable ( exagg]ation4 ,x seems to me t ,satan has employ$ ?is artifice--& x is ( ! greate/ s]vice to him--namely1 t m5 :o really wi% to love & please ,god %\ld hide ! fact1 :ile o!rs1 at 8 sugge/ion1 make op5 %[ ( _! malici\s dispositions2 & ?is is s common1 t x seems a matt] ( boa/+ n[1 & ! (f5ces committ$ aga9/ ,god are ?us publi%$ abroad4 #cf4 ,i d n "k :e!r ! ?+s ,i am say+ are fooli% or n4 ,if !y be s1 y\r rev]5ce w /rike !m out4 ,i entreat y to help my simplicity by add+ a good deal to ?is1 because ! ?+s t relate to ! s]vice ( ,god are s feebly manag$1 t x is necess>y = ^? :o w\ld s]ve ,him to jo9 %\ld] to %\ld]1 if !y are to advance at all2 = x is consid]$ safe to live amid/ ! vanities & pleasures ( ! _w1 & few !re be :o reg>d !m ) unfav\rable eyes4 ,b if any "o beg9s to give himself up to ! s]vice ( ,god1 !re are s _m to f9d fault ) him1 t x becomes necess>y = him to seek companions1 9 ord] t he may f9d protection among !m till he gr[s /rong en\gh n to feel :at he may be made to suff]4 ,if he does n1 he w f9d himself 9 great /raits4 #cg4 ,?is1 ,i believe1 mu/ h be5 ! reason :y "s ( ! ,sa9ts )drew into ! des]t4 ,& x is a k9d ( humility 9 man n to tru/ to himself1 b to believe t ,god w help him 9 8 relations ) ^? ) :om he conv]ses2 & *>ity gr[s by be+ diffus$2 & !re are a ?\s& bless+s h]e9 :i* ,i w\ld n d>e to speak (1 if ,i _h n kn[n by exp]i5ce ! great importance ( x4 ,x is v true t ,i am ! mo/ wick$ & ! base/ ( all :o are born ( wom52 b ,i believe t he :o1 humbl+ himself1 ?\gh /rong1 yet tru/e? n 9 himself1 & believe? ano!r :o 9 ?is matt] has _h exp]i5ce1 w lose no?+4 ,( myself ,i may say t1 if our ,"l _h n reveal$ to me ?is tru?1 & giv5 me ! opportunity ( speak+ v frequ5tly to p]sons giv5 to pray]1 ,i %\ld h gone on fall+ & ris+ till ,i tumbl$ into hell4 ,i _h _m fri5ds to help me to fall2 b z to ris+ aga91 ,i 0 s mu* left to myself1 t ,i wond] n[ ,i 0 n always on ! gr\nd4 ,i praise ,god = ,8 m]cy2 = x 0 ,he only ,:o /ret*$ out ,8 h& to me4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #a4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 xl42 b *4 xxvii4 ( ! =m] editions4 #b4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #ah4 #c4 ,a4,d4 #aecg1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 tw5ty-two ye>s old 7,b\ix74 ,?is passage1 !re=e1 mu/ be "o ( ! additions to ! second ,life2 = ! fir/ 0 writt5 9 #aefb1 tw5ty-five ye>s only aft] ! vision4 #d4 ,see *4 xxvii4 #c4 #e4 ,9 ! p>l\r ( ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila1 a pa9t+ ( ?is is pres]v$ to ?is day 7,de la ,fu5te74 #f4 ,*4 vi4 #d4 #g4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 v4 iii4 #a4 #h4 ,*4 i4 i4 #i4 ,*4 xix4 #i1 #ag4 #aj4 ,see #b1 above4 #aa4 ,see *4 xi4 #bc3 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 i4 #h4 #ab4 #af4 #ac4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 v4 iii4 #a4 #ad4 ,9 #aeda1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 tw5ty-five ye>s ( age 7,b\ix74 #ae4 ,f4 ,vic5te ,b>ron 7,re=ma1 lib4 i4 *4 xv474 #af4 ,see *4 xxxviii4 #a4 #ag4 ,see *4 xix4 #ai4 #ah4 ,! ,spani% editor calls att5tion to ?is z a pro( ( great laxity 9 ^? days--t a nun l ,/4 ,t]esa %\ld be urg$ to communicate z (t5 z once 9 a =tnight4 #ai4 ,see *4 xiii4 #g1 #h4 ,*apt] ,,viii4 ,! ,sa9t ,ceases ,n to ,pray4 ,pray] ! ,way to ,recov] ,:at ,is ,lo/4 ,all ,exhort$ to ,pray4 ,! ,great ,advantage ( ,pray]1 ,ev5 to ,^? ,:o ,may ,h ,ceas$ f ,x4 #a4 ,x is n )\t reason t ,i h dwelt s long on ?is portion ( my life4 ,i see cle>ly t x w give no "o pleasure to see any?+ s base2 & c]ta9ly ,i wi% ^? :o may read ?is to h me 9 abhorr5ce1 z a s\l s ob/9ate & s ungrateful to ,him ,:o did s mu* = me4 ,i c\ld wi%1 too1 ,i _h p]mission to say h[ (t5 at ?is "t ,i fail$ 9 my duty to ,god1 because ,i 0 n lean+ on ! /rong pill> ( pray]4 ,i pass$ ne>ly tw5ty ye>s on ?is /ormy sea1 fall+ & ris+1 b ris+ to no good purpose1 see+ t ,i w5t & fell aga94 ,my life 0 "o ( p]fection2 b x 0 s mean1 t ,i sc>cely made any acc\nt :atev] ( v5ial s9s2 & ?\gh ( mortal s9s ,i 0 afraid1 ,i 0 n s afraid ( !m z ,i ought to h be51 because ,i did n avoid ! p]il\s occasions ( !m4 ,i may say t x 0 ! mo/ pa9ful life t c be imag9$1 because ,i _h no sweetness 9 ,god1 & no pleasure 9 ! _w4 #b4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 ! mid/ ( ! pleasures ( ! _w1 ! remembrance ( :at ,i ow$ to ,god made me sad2 & :5 ,i 0 pray+ to ,god1 my worldly affections di/urb$ me4 ,?is is s pa9ful a /ruggle1 t ,i "k n h[ ,i c\ld h borne x = a mon?1 let alone = s _m ye>s4 ,nev]!less1 ,i c trace di/9ctly ! great m]cy ( our ,"l to me1 :ile ?us imm]s$ 9 ! _w1 9 t ,i _h /ill ! c\rage to pray4 ,i say c\rage1 because ,i "k ( no?+ 9 ! :ole _w :i* requires great] c\rage ?an plott+ treason aga9/ ! ,k+1 kn[+ t ,he kn[s x1 & yet nev] )draw+ f ,8 pres5ce2 =1 grant+ t we are always 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god1 yet x seems to me t ^? :o pray arc 9 ,8 pres5ce 9 a v diff]5t s5se2 = !y1 z x 71 see t ,he is look+ ^u !m2 :ile o!rs may be = days toge!r )\t ev5 once recollect+ t ,god sees !m4 #c4 ,x is true1 inde$1 t dur+ ^! ye>s !re 7 _m mon?s1 &1 ,i believe1 occasionally a :ole ye>1 9 :i* ,i s kept gu>d ov] myself t ,i did n (f5d our ,"l1 gave myself mu* to pray]1 & took "s pa9s1 & t successfully1 n to (f5d ,him4 ,i speak ( ?is n[1 because all ,i am say+ is /rictly true2 b ,i rememb] v little ( ^? good days1 & s !y mu/ h be5 few1 :ile my evil days 7 _m4 ,/ill1 ! days t pass$ ov] )\t my sp5d+ a great "p ( !m 9 pray] 7 few1 unless ,i 0 v ill1 or v mu* occupi$4 #d4 ,:5 ,i 0 ill1 ,i 0 well ) ,god4 ,i contriv$ t ^? ab\t me %\ld be s1 too1 & ,i made supplications to our ,"l = ?is grace1 & spoke frequ5tly ( ,him4 ,?us1 ) ! exception ( t ye> ( :i* ,i h be5 speak+1 dur+ eight-&-tw5ty ye>s ( pray]1 ,i sp5t m ?an eighte5 9 t /rife & cont5tion :i* arose out ( my attempts to reconcile ,god & ! _w4 ,z to ! o!r ye>s1 ( :i* ,i h n[ to speak1 9 !m ! gr\nds ( ! w>f>e1 ?\gh x 0 n slight1 7 *ang$2 b inasmu* z ,i 0--at lea/1 ,i ?9k s--s]v+ ,god1 & aw>e ( ! vanity ( ! _w1 all has be5 pleasant1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]4 #a #e4 ,! reason1 !n1 ( my tell+ ?is at s great a l5g? is t1 z ,i h j said1 #b ! m]cy ( ,god & my +ratitude1 on ! "o h&1 may become kn[n2 &1 on ! o!r1 t m5 may und]/& h[ great is ! good :i* ,god works 9 a s\l :5 ,he gives x a disposition to pray 9 e>ne/1 ?\gh x may n be s well prep>$ z x ought to be4 ,if t s\l p]sev]es 9 spite ( s9s1 temptations1 & relapses1 br\ght ab\t 9 a ?\s& ways by ,satan1 our ,"l w br+ x at la/--,i am c]ta9 ( x--to ! h>b\r ( salvation1 z ,he has br\ght me myself2 = s x seems to me n[4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y grant ,i may nev] g back & be lo/6 ,he :o gives himself to pray] is 9 possession ( a great bless+1 ( :i* _m sa9tly & good m5 h writt5--,i am speak+ ( m5tal pray]--glory be to ,god = x2 &1 if !y _h n done s1 ,i am n pr\d en\gh1 ?\gh ,i h b little humility1 to presume to discuss x4 #f4 ,i may speak ( t :i* ,i "k by exp]i5ce2 & s ,i say1 let him nev] cease f pray] :o has once begun x1 be 8 life ev] s wick$2 = pray] is ! way to am5d x1 & )\t pray] su* am5dm5t w be mu* m difficult4 ,let him n be tempt$ by ,satan1 z ,i 01 to give x up1 on ! pret5ce ( humility2 #c let him r believe t ,8 words are true ,:o says t1 if we truly rep5t1 & resolve nev] to (f5d ,him1 ,he w take u into ,8 fav\r aga91 #d give u ! graces ,he gave u be=e1 & occasionally ev5 great]1 if our rep5tance des]ve x4 ,& z to him :o has n begun to pray1 ,i implore him by ! love ( our ,"l n to deprive himself ( s great a good4 #g4 ,h]e9 !re is no?+ to be afraid (1 b ev]y?+ to hope =4 ,grant+ t su* a "o does n advance1 nor make an ef=t to become p]fect1 s z to m]it ! joys & consolations :i* ! p]fect receive f ,god1 yet he w by little & little atta9 to a k ( ! road :i* leads to heav54 ,& if he p]sev]es1 ,i hope 9 ! m]cy ( ,god = him1 see+ t no "o ev] took ,him = 8 fri5d t 0 n amply rew>d$2 = m5tal pray] is no?+ else1 9 my op9ion1 b be+ on t]ms ( fri5d%ip ) ,god1 frequ5tly conv]s+ 9 secret ) ,him ,:o1 we "k1 loves u4 ,n[1 true love & la/+ fri5d%ip require c]ta9 dispositions3 ^? ( our ,"l1 we "k1 are absolutely p]fect2 ours1 vici\s1 s5sual1 & ?ankless2 & y _c !re=e1 br+ y\rselves to love ,him z ,he loves y1 because y h n ! disposition to d s2 & if y d n love ,him1 yet1 see+ h[ mu* x conc]ns y to h ,8 fri5d%ip1 & h[ great is ,8 love = y1 rise above t pa9 y feel at be+ mu* ) ,him ,:o is s diff]5t f y4 #h4 ,o inf9ite goodness ( my ,god6 ,i seem to see ,!e & myself 9 ?is relation to "o ano!r4 ,o ,joy ( ! angels6 :5 ,i consid] x1 ,i wi% ,i c\ld :olly die ( love6 ,h[ true x is t ,?\ endure/ ^? :o w n endure ,!e6 ,oh1 h[ good a fri5d art ,?\1 ,o my ,"l6 h[ ,?\ com=te/ & endure/1 & also waite/ = !m to make !mselves l unto ,!e1 & yet1 9 ! mean:ile1 art ,?yself s pati5t ( ! /ate !y are 96 ,?\ take/ into acc\nt ! occasions dur+ :i* !y seek ,!e1 & = a mom5t ( p5it5ce =gette/ _! (f5ces aga9/ ,?yself4 #i4 ,i h se5 ?is di/9ctly 9 my own case1 & ,i _c tell :y ! :ole _w does n lab\r to draw ne> to ,!e 9 ?is p>ticul> fri5d%ip4 ,! wick$1 :o d n resemble ,!e1 ought to d s1 9 ord] t ,?\ maye/ make !m good1 & = t purpose %\ld p]mit ,!e to rema9 ) !m at lea/ = two h\rs daily1 ev5 ?\gh !y may n rema9 ) ,!e b1 z ,i us$ to d1 ) a ?\s& di/ractions1 & ) worldly ?\ghts4 ,9 return = ?is viol5ce :i* !y (f] to !mselves = ! purpose ( rema9+ 9 a company s good z ,?9e--= at fir/ !y c d no m1 & ev5 aft]w>ds at times--,?\1 ,o ,"l1 def5de/ !m aga9/ ! assaults ( evil spirits1 ^: p[] ,?\ re/ra9e/1 & ev5 less5e/ daily1 giv+ to !m ! victory ov] ^! _! enemies4 ,s x is1 ,o ,life ( all lives1 ,?\ slaye/ none t put _! tru/ 9 ,!e1 & seek ,?y fri5d%ip2 yea1 r1 ,?\ su/a9e/ _! bodily life 9 great] vig\r1 & make/ _! s\l to live4 #aj4 ,i d n und]/& :at !re c be to make !m afraid :o are afraid to beg9 m5tal pray]1 nor d ,i "k :at x is !y dread4 ,! devil does well to br+ ?is fe> ^u u1 t he may really hurt u by putt+ me 9 fe>1 he c make me cease f ?9k+ ( my (f5ces aga9/ ,god1 ( ! great debt ,i owe ,him1 ( ! exi/5ce ( heav5 & hell1 & ( ! great sorr[s & trials ,he und]w5t = me4 ,t 0 all my pray]1 & _h be51 :5 ,i 0 9 ?is dang]\s /ate1 & x 0 on ^? subjects ,i dwelt :5ev] ,i c\ld2 & v (t51 = "s ye>s1 ,i 0 m occupi$ ) ! wi% to see ! end ( ! "t ,i _h appo9t$ = myself to sp5d 9 pray]1 & 9 wat*+ ! h\r-glass1 ?an ) o!r ?\ghts t 7 good4 ,if a %>p p5ance _h be5 laid ^u me1 ,i "k ( none t ,i w\ld n v (t5 h will+ly und]tak51 r ?an prep>e myself = pray] by self-recollection4 ,& c]ta9ly ! viol5ce ) :i* ,satan assail$ me 0 s irresi/ible1 or my evil habits 7 s /rong1 t ,i did n betake myself to pray]2 & ! sadness ,i felt on ent]+ ! oratory 0 s great1 t x requir$ all ! c\rage ,i _h to =ce myself 94 ,!y say ( me t my c\rage is n slight1 & x is kn[n t ,god has giv5 me a c\rage beyond t ( a woman2 b ,i h made a bad use ( x4 ,9 ! end1 our ,"l came to my help2 & !n1 :5 ,i _h done ?is viol5ce to myself1 ,i f\nd great] peace & joy ?an ,i sometimes _h :5 ,i _h a desire to pray4 #aa4 ,if1 !n1 our ,"l bore s long ) me1 :o 0 s wick$--& x is pla9 t x 0 by pray] all my evil 0 correct$--:y %\ld any "o1 h[ wick$ soev] he may be1 h any fe>8 ,let him be ev] s wick$1 he w n rema9 9 8 wick$ness s _m ye>s z ,i did1 aft] receiv+ s _m graces f our ,"l4 ,is !re any "o :o c despair1 :5 ,he bore s long ) me1 only because ,i desir$ & contriv$ to f9d "s place & "s opportunities = ,him to be alone ) me--& t v (t5 aga9/ my w8 = ,i did viol5ce to myself1 or r our ,"l ,himself did viol5ce to me4 #ab4 ,if1 !n1 to ^? :o d n s]ve ,god1 b r (f5d ,him1 pray] be all ?is1 & s necess>y1 & if no "o c really f9d out any h>m x c d him1 & if ! omission ( x be n a /ill great] h>m1 :y1 !n1 %\ld !y ab/a9 f x :o s]ve & desire to s]ve ,god8 ,c]ta9ly ,i _c compreh5d x1 unless x be t m5 h a m9d to g ?r\gh ! tr\bles ( ?is life 9 great] mis]y1 & to %ut ! door 9 ! face ( ,god1 s t ,he %all give !m no com=t 9 x4 ,i am mo/ truly sorry = !m1 because !y s]ve ,god at _! own co/2 = ( ^? :o pray1 ,god ,himself defrays ! *>ges1 see+ t = a little tr\ble ,he gives sweetness1 9 ord] t1 by ! help x supplies1 !y may be> _! trials4 #ac4 ,b because ,i h mu* to say h]eaft] ( ?is sweetness1 :i* our ,"l gives to ^? :o p]sev]e 9 pray]1 #e ,i d n speak ( x "h2 only ?is w ,i say3 pray] is ! door to ^? great graces :i* our ,"l be/[$ ^u me4 ,if ?is door be %ut1 ,i d n see h[ ,he c be/[ !m2 = ev5 if ,he ent]$ into a s\l to take ,8 delight !re91 & to make t s\l also delight 9 ,him1 !re is no way by :i* ,he c d s2 = ,8 w is1 t su* a s\l %\ld be lonely & pure1 ) a great desire to receive ,8 graces4 ,if we put _m h9drances 9 ! way1 & take no pa9s :atev] to remove !m1 h[ c ,he come to u1 & h[ c we h any desire t ,he %\ld %[ u ,8 great m]cies8 #ad4 ,i w speak n[--= x is v important to und]/& x--( ! assaults :i* ,satan directs aga9/ a s\l = ! purpose ( tak+ x1 & ( ! contrivances & compassion :]e) our ,"l lab\rs to conv]t x to ,himself1 9 ord] t m5 may behold ,8 m]cy1 & ! great good x 0 = me t ,i did n give up pray] & spiritual read+1 & t !y may be on _! gu>d aga9/ ! dang]s aga9/ :i* ,i 0 n on my gu>d myself4 ,&1 above all1 ,i implore !m = ! love ( our ,"l1 & = ! great love ) :i* ,he goe? ab\t seek+ our conv]sion to ,himself1 to bew>e ( ! occasions ( s92 = once plac$ !re91 we h no gr\nd to re/ on--s _m enemies !n assail u1 & our own weakness is su*1 t we _c def5d ourselves4 #ae4 ,oh1 t ,i knew h[ to describe ! captivity ( my s\l 9 ^? days6 ,i und]/ood p]fectly t ,i 0 9 captivity1 b ,i c\ld n und]/& ! nature ( x2 nei!r c\ld ,i entirely believe t ^? ?+s :i* my confessors did n make s mu* ( 7 s wrong z ,i 9 my s\l felt !m to be4 ,"o ( !m--,i _h gone to him ) a scruple--told me t1 ev5 if ,i 7 rais$ to high contemplation1 ^? occasions & conv]sations 7 n unfitt+ = me4 ,?is 0 t[>ds ! end1 :51 by ! grace ( ,god1 ,i 0 )draw+ m & m f ^? great dang]s1 b n :olly f ! occasions ( !m4 #af4 ,:5 !y saw my good desires1 & h[ ,i occupi$ myself 9 pray]1 ,i seem$ to !m to h done mu*2 b my s\l knew t ?is 0 n do+ :at ,i 0 b\nd to d = ,him to ,:om ,i ow$ s mu*4 ,i am sorry = my poor s\l ev5 n[1 because ( its great suff]+s1 & ! little help x _h f any "o except ,god1 & = ! wide door t man op5$ = x1 t x might g =? to its pa/imes & pleasures1 :5 !y said t ^! ?+s 7 lawful4 #ag4 ,!n !re 0 ! torture ( s]mons1 & t n a slight "o2 = ,i 0 v fond ( !m4 ,if ,i he>d any "o prea* well & ) unction1 ,i felt1 )\t my seek+ x1 a p>ticul> affection = him1 nei!r d ,i "k :5ce x came4 ,?us1 no s]mon ev] seem$ to me s bad1 b t ,i li/5$ to x ) pleasure2 ?\gh1 accord+ to o!rs :o he>d x1 ! prea*+ 0 n good4 ,if x 0 a good s]mon1 x 0 to me a mo/ special refre%m5t4 ,to speak ( ,god1 or to he> ,him spok5 (1 nev] we>i$ me4 ,i am speak+ ( ! "t aft] ,i gave myself to pray]4 ,at "o "t ,i _h great com=t 9 s]mons1 at ano!r !y di/ress$ me1 because !y made me feel t ,i 0 v f> f be+ :at ,i ought to h be54 #ah4 ,i us$ to pray to our ,"l = help2 b1 z x n[ seems to me1 ,i mu/ h committ$ ! fault ( n putt+ my :ole tru/ 9 ,8 ,maje/y1 & ( n ?or\ghly di/ru/+ myself4 ,i s\ght = help1 took great pa9s2 b x mu/ be t ,i did n und]/& h[ all is ( little pr(it if we d n root out all confid5ce 9 ourselves1 & place x :olly 9 ,god4 ,i wi%$ to live1 b ,i saw cle>ly t ,i 0 n liv+1 b r wre/l+ ) ! %ad[ ( dea?2 !re 0 no "o to give me life1 & ,i 0 n able to take x4 ,he ,:o c\ld h giv5 x me _h good reasons = n com+ to my aid1 see+ t ,he _h br\ght me back to ,himself s _m times1 & ,i z (t5 _h left ,him4 #a4 ,*4 ix4 #aj4 #b4 #a1 above4 #c4 ,*4 vii4 #ag2 *4 xix4 #h4 #d4 ,eze*4 xviii4 #ba3 ,si autem impius eg]it po5it5tiam1 4 4 4 vita vivet1 et non morietur4 ,omnium iniquitatum ejus 4 4 4 non recordabor4 #e4 ,see *4 x4 #b1 & *4 xi4 #bb4 ,*apt] ,,ix4 ,! ,means ,:]eby ,our ,"l ,quick5$ ,h] ,s\l1 ,gave ,h] ,light 9 ,h] ,d>kness1 & ,made ,h] ,/rong 9 ,goodness4 #a4 ,my s\l 0 n[ gr[n we>y2 & ! mis]able habits x _h contract$ w\ld n suff] x to re/1 ?\gh x 0 desir\s ( do+ s4 ,x came to pass "o day1 :5 ,i w5t into ! oratory1 t ,i saw a picture :i* !y _h put by !re1 & :i* _h be5 procur$ = a c]ta9 fea/ obs]v$ 9 ! h\se4 ,x 0 a repres5tation ( ,*ri/ mo/ griev\sly w\nd$2 & s devotional1 t ! v sight ( x1 :5 ,i saw x1 mov$ me--s well did x %[ =? t :i* ,he suff]$ = u4 ,s ke5ly did ,i feel ! evil return ,i _h made = ^? w\nds1 t ,i ?\ght my he>t 0 break+4 ,i ?rew myself on ! gr\nd beside x1 my te>s fl[+ pl5te\sly1 & implor$ ,him to /r5g!n me once = all1 s t ,i might nev] (f5d ,him any m4 #b4 ,i _h a v great devotion to ! glori\s ,magdal5e1 & v frequ5tly us$ to ?9k ( h] conv]sion--especially :5 ,i w5t to ,communion4 ,z ,i knew = c]ta9 t our ,"l 0 !n )9 me1 ,i us$ to place myself at ,8 feet1 ?9k+ t my te>s w\ld n be despis$4 ,i did n "k :at ,i 0 say+2 only ,he did great ?+s = me1 9 t ,he 0 pleas$ ,i %\ld %$ ^? te>s1 see+ t ,i s soon =got t impression4 ,i us$ to recomm5d myself to t glori\s ,sa9t1 t %e might obta9 my p>don4 #c4 ,b ?is la/ "t1 be=e t picture ( :i* ,i am speak+1 ,i seem to h made great] progress2 = ,i 0 n[ v di/ru/ful ( myself1 plac+ all my confid5ce 9 ,god4 ,x seems to me t ,i said to ,him !n t ,i w\ld n rise up till ,he grant$ my petition4 ,i d c]ta9ly believe t ?is 0 ( great s]vice to me1 because ,i h gr[n bett] ev] s9ce4 #a #d4 ,?is 0 my me?od ( pray]3 z ,i c\ld n make reflections ) my und]/&+1 ,i contriv$ to picture ,*ri/ z )9 me2 #b & ,i us$ to f9d myself ! bett] = ?9k+ ( ^? my/]ies ( ,8 life dur+ :i* ,he 0 mo/ lonely4 ,x seem$ to me t ! be+ alone & afflict$1 l a p]son 9 tr\ble1 mu/ ne$s p]mit me to come ne> unto ,him4 #e4 ,i did _m simple ?+s ( ?is k9d2 & 9 p>ticul> ,i us$ to f9d myself mo/ at home 9 ! pray] 9 ! ,g>d51 :i!r ,i w5t 9 ,8 company4 ,i ?\ght ( ! bloody sweat1 & ( ! affliction ,he endur$ !re2 ,i wi%$1 if x _h be5 possible1 to wipe away t pa9ful sweat f ,8 face2 b ,i rememb] t ,i nev] d>$ to =m su* a resolution--my s9s /ood be=e me s griev\sly4 ,i us$ to rema9 ) ,him !re z long z my ?\ghts all[$ me1 & ,i _h _m ?\ghts to torm5t me4 ,= _m ye>s1 ne>ly e night be=e ,i fell asleep1 :5 ,i recomm5d$ myself to ,god1 t ,i might sleep 9 peace1 ,i us$ always to ?9k a little ( ?is my/]y ( ! pray] 9 ! ,g>d5--yea1 ev5 be=e ,i 0 a nun1 because ,i _h be5 told t _m indulg5ces 7 to be ga9$ !reby4 ,= my "p1 ,i believe t my s\l ga9$ v mu* 9 ?is way1 because ,i began to practise pray] )\t kn[+ :at x 02 & n[ t x _h become my con/ant habit1 ,i 0 sav$ f omitt+ x1 z ,i 0 f omitt+ to bless myself ) ! sign ( ! cross be=e ,i slept4 #f4 ,& n[ to g back to :at ,i 0 say+ ( ! torture :i* my ?\ghts inflict$ ^u me4 ,?is me?od ( pray+1 9 :i* ! und]/&+ makes no reflections1 ha? ?is prop]ty3 ! s\l mu/ ga9 mu*1 or lose4 ,i mean1 t ^? :o advance )\t m$itation1 make great progress1 because x is done by love4 ,b to atta9 to ?is involves great lab\r1 except to ^? p]sons :om x is our ,"l's good pleasure to lead quickly to ! pray] ( quiet4 ,i "k ( "s4 ,= ^? :o walk 9 ?is way1 a book is pr(itable1 t by ! help !re( !y may ! m quickly recollect !mselves4 ,x 0 a help to me also to look on fields1 wat]1 & fl[]s4 #c ,9 !m ,i saw traces ( ! ,creator--,i mean1 t ! sight ( ^! ?+s 0 z a book unto me2 x r\s$ me1 made me recollect$1 & rem9d$ me ( my +ratitude & ( my s9s4 ,my und]/&+ 0 s dull1 t ,i c\ld nev] repres5t 9 ! imag9ation ei!r heav5ly or high ?+s 9 any =m :atev] until our ,"l plac$ !m be=e me 9 ano!r way4 #d #g4 ,i 0 s little able to put ?+s be=e me by ! help ( my und]/&+1 t1 unless ,i saw a ?+ ) my eyes1 my imag9ation 0 ( no use :atev]4 ,i c\ld n d z o!rs d1 :o c put matt]s be=e !mselves s z to become !reby recollect$4 ,i 0 able to ?9k ( ,*ri/ only z man4 ,b s x 02 & ,i nev] c\ld =m any image ( ,him to myself1 ?\gh ,i read mu* ( ,8 beauty1 & look$ at pictures ( ,him4 ,i 0 l "o :o is bl9d1 or 9 ! d>k1 :o1 ?\gh speak+ to a p]son pres5t1 & feel+ 8 pres5ce1 because he kn[s = c]ta9 t he is pres5t--,i mean1 t he und]/&s him to be pres5t1 & believes x--yet does n see him4 ,x 0 ?us ) me :5 ,i us$ to ?9k ( our ,"l4 ,?is is :y ,i 0 s fond ( images4 ,wret*$ are !y :o1 ?r\gh _! own fault1 h lo/ ?is bless+2 x is cle> en\gh t !y d n love our ,"l--= if !y lov$ ,him1 !y w\ld rejoice at ! sight ( ,8 picture1 j z m5 f9d pleasure :5 !y see ! portrait ( "o !y love4 #h4 ,at ?is "t1 ! ,confessions ( ,/4 ,augu/9e 7 giv5 me4 ,our ,"l seems to h s orda9$ x1 = ,i did n seek !m myself1 nei!r _h ,i ev] se5 !m be=e4 ,i _h a v great devotion to ,/4 ,augu/9e1 because ! mona/]y 9 :i* ,i liv$ :5 ,i 0 yet 9 ! _w 0 ( 8 ,ord]2 #e & also because he _h be5 a s9n]--= ,i us$ to f9d great com=t 9 ^? ,sa9ts :om1 aft] !y _h s9n$1 our ,"l conv]t$ to ,himself4 ,i ?\ght !y w\ld help me1 & t1 z our ,"l _h =giv5 !m1 s also ,he w\ld =give me4 ,"o ?+1 h[ev]1 !re 0 t tr\bl$ me--,i h spok5 ( x be=e #f--our ,"l _h call$ !m b once1 & !y nev] relaps$2 :ile my relapses 7 n[ s _m4 ,?is x 0 t vex$ me4 ,b call+ to m9d ! love t ,he bore me1 ,i took c\rage aga94 ,( ,8 m]cy ,i nev] d\bt$ once1 b ,i did v (t5 ( myself4 #i4 ,o my ,god1 ,i amaz$ at ! h>dness ( my he>t amid/ s _m succ\rs f ,!e4 ,i am fill$ ) dread :5 ,i see h[ little ,i c\ld d ) myself1 & h[ ,i 0 clogg$1 s t ,i c\ld n resolve to give myself entirely to ,god4 ,:5 ,i began to read ! ,confessions1 ,i ?\ght ,i saw myself !re describ$1 & began to recomm5d myself greatly to ?is glori\s ,sa9t4 ,:5 ,i came to 8 conv]sion1 & read h[ he he>d t voice 9 ! g>d51 x seem$ to me no?+ less ?an t our ,"l _h utt]$ x = me3 ,i felt s 9 my he>t4 ,i rema9$ = "s "t lo/ 9 te>s1 9 great inw>d affliction & di/ress4 ,o my ,god1 :at a s\l has to suff] because x has lo/ ! lib]ty x _h ( be+ mi/ress ov] itself6 & :at torm5ts x has to endure6 ,i wond] n[ h[ ,i c\ld live 9 torm5ts s great3 ,god be prais$ ,:o gave me life1 s t ,i might escape f s fatal a dea?6 ,i believe t my s\l obta9$ great /r5g? f ,8 ,div9e ,maje/y1 & t ,he mu/ h he>d my cry1 & _h compassion ^u s _m te>s4 #aj4 ,a desire to sp5d m "t ) ,him began to gr[ )9 me1 & also to )draw f ! occasions ( s93 = z soon z ,i _h done s1 ,i turn$ lov+ly to ,8 ,maje/y at once4 ,i und]/ood cle>ly1 z ,i ?\ght1 t ,i lov$ ,him2 b ,i did n und]/&1 z ,i ought to h und]/ood x1 :]e9 ! true love ( ,god consi/s4 ,i d n ?9k ,i _h yet p]fectly dispos$ myself to seek ,8 s]vice :5 ,8 ,maje/y turn$ t[>ds me ) ,8 consolations4 ,:at o!rs /rive aft] ) great lab\r1 our ,"l seems to h look$ out = a way to make me will+ to accept--t is1 9 ^! lat] ye>s to give me joy & com=t4 ,b z = ask+ our ,"l to give me ei!r ^! ?+s or sweetness 9 devotion1 ,i nev] d>$ to d x2 ! only ?+ ,i pray$ ,him to give me 0 ! grace nev] to (f5d ,him1 toge!r ) ! =giv5ess ( my great s9s4 ,:5 ,i saw t my s9s 7 s great1 ,i nev] v5tur$ delib]ately to ask = consolation or = sweetness4 ,he _h compassion en\gh ^u me1 ,i ?9k--&1 9 tru?1 ,he dealt ) me accord+ to ,8 great m]cy--:5 ,he all[$ me to /& be=e ,him1 & :5 ,he drew me into ,8 pres5ce2 = ,i saw t1 if ,he _h n drawn me1 ,i %\ld n h come at all4 #aa4 ,once only 9 my life d ,i rememb] ask+ = consolation1 be+ at ! "t 9 great aridities4 ,:5 ,i consid]$ :at ,i _h done1 ,i 0 s conf\nd$1 t ! v di/ress ,i suff]$ f see+ h[ little humility ,i _h1 br\ght me t :i* ,i _h be5 s bold z to ask =4 ,i knew well t x 0 lawful to pray = x2 b x seem$ to me t x is lawful only = ^? :o are 9 good dispositions1 :o h s\ght ) all _! might to atta9 to true devotion--t is1 n to (f5d ,god1 & to be dispos$ & resolv$ = all goodness4 ,i look$ ^u ^? te>s ( m9e z womani% & weak1 see+ t ,i did n obta9 my desires by !m2 nev]!less1 ,i believe t !y did me "s s]vice2 =1 specially aft] ^? two occasions ( great compunction & sorr[ ( he>t1 #g accompani$ by te>s1 ( :i* ,i am speak+1 ,i began 9 an especial way to give myself m to pray]1 & to occupy myself less ) ^? ?+s :i* did me h>m--?\gh ,i did n give !m up altoge!r4 ,b ,god ,himself1 z ,i h j said1 came to my aid1 & help$ me to turn away f !m4 ,z ,8 ,maje/y 0 only wait+ = "s prep>ation on my "p1 ! spiritual graces grew 9 me z ,i %all n[ expla94 ,x is n ! cu/om ( our ,"l to give ^! graces to any b to ^? :o keep _! consci5ces 9 great] pur5ess4 #h #a4 ,9 ! ye> #aeee 7,b\ix74 #b4 ,see *4 iv4 #aj2 *4 x4 #a4 #c4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #ab4 #d4 ,see *4 iv4 #aa4 #e4 ,*4 ii4 #h4 #f4 ,9 ! ,prologue4 #g4 #a4 #h4 ,*4 iv4 #aa4 ,*apt] ,x4 ,! ,graces ,%e ,receiv$ 9 ,pray]4 ,:at ,we ,c ,d ,ourselves4 ,! ,great ,importance ( ,und]/&+ ,:at ,our ,"l ,is ,do+ = ,u4 ,%e ,desires ,h] ,confessors to ,keep ,h] ,writ+s ,secret1 ,because ( ! ,special ,graces ( ,our ,"l to ,h]1 ,:i* ,!y ,_h ,comm&$ ,h] to ,describe4 #a4 ,i us$ to h at times1 z ,i h said1 #a ?\gh x us$ to pass quickly away--c]ta9 comm5cem5ts ( t :i* ,i am go+ n[ to describe4 ,:5 ,i =m$ ^? pictures )9 myself ( ?r[+ myself at ! feet ( ,*ri/1 z ,i said be=e1 #b & sometimes ev5 :5 ,i 0 read+1 a feel+ ( ! pres5ce ( ,god w\ld come ov] me unexpect$ly1 s t ,i c\ld 9 no wise d\bt ei!r t ,he 0 )9 me1 or t ,i 0 :olly absorb$ 9 ,him4 ,x 0 n by way ( vision2 ,i believe x 0 :at is call$ my/ical !ology4 ,! s\l is susp5d$ 9 su* a way t x seems to be utt]ly beside itself4 ,! w loves2 ! memory1 s x seems to me1 is z x 7 lo/2 & ! und]/&+1 s ,i ?9k1 makes no reflections--yet is n lo/3 z ,i h j said1 x is n at "w1 b x /&s z if amaz$ at ! greatness ( ! ?+s x und]/&s2 = ,god wills x to und]/& t x und]/&s no?+ :atev] ( t :i* ,8 ,maje/y places be=e x4 #b4 ,be=e ?is1 ,i _h a c]ta9 t5d]ness ( s\l :i* 0 v abid+1 p>tially atta9able1 ,i believe1 9 "s measure1 by our own ef=ts3 a consolation :i* is n :olly 9 ! s5ses1 nor yet altoge!r 9 ! _s1 b is all ( x ! gift ( ,god4 ,h[ev]1 ,i ?9k we c contribute mu* t[>ds ! atta9+ ( x by consid]+ our vil5ess & our +ratitude t[>ds ,god--! great ?+s ,he has done = u--,8 ,passion1 ) its griev\s pa9s--& ,8 life1 s full ( sorr[s2 also1 by rejoic+ 9 ! contemplation ( ,8 works1 ( ,8 greatness1 & ( ! love t ,he be>s u4 ,_m o!r consid]ations !re are :i* he :o really desires to make progress w (t5 /umble on1 ?\gh he may n be v mu* on ! wat* = !m4 ,if ) ?is !re be a little love1 ! s\l is com=t$1 ! he>t is s(t5$1 & te>s fl[4 ,sometimes x seems t we d viol5ce to ourselves & weep2 at o!r times1 our ,"l seems to d s1 s t we h no p[] to resi/ ,him4 ,8 ,maje/y seems to rew>d ?is slight c>efulness ( ours ) s gr& a gift z is ?is consolation :i* ,he m9i/]s to ! s\l ( see+ itself weep+ = s great a ,"l4 ,i am n surpris$2 = ! s\l has reason en\gh1 & m ?an en\gh1 = its joy4 ,"h x com=ts itself--"h x rejoices4 #c4 ,! comp>ison :i* n[ pres5ts itself seems to me to be good4 ,^! joys 9 pray] are l :at ^? ( heav5 mu/ be4 ,z ! vision ( ! sa9ts1 :i* is measur$ by _! m]its !re1 rea*es no fur!r ?an our ,"l wills1 & z ! bless$ see h[ little m]it !y _h1 e "o ( !m is satisfi$ ) ! place assign$ him3 !re be+ ! v greate/ diff]5ce betwe5 "o joy & ano!r 9 heav51 & mu* great] ?an betwe5 "o spiritual joy & ano!r on e>?--:i* is1 h[ev]1 v great4 ,& 9 tru?1 9 ! beg9n+1 a s\l 9 :i* ,god works ?is grace ?9ks t n[ x has sc>cely any?+ m to desire1 & c\nts itself abundantly rew>d$ = all ! s]vice x has r5d]$ ,him4 ,& !re is reason = ?is3 = "o ( ^? te>s--:i*1 z ,i h j said1 are almo/ 9 our own p[]1 ?\gh )\t ,god no?+ c be done--_c1 9 my op9ion1 be pur*as$ ) all ! lab\rs ( ! _w1 because ( ! great ga9 x br+s u4 ,& :at great] ga9 c we h ?an "s te/imony ( our hav+ pleas$ ,god8 ,let him1 !n1 :o %all h atta9$ to ?is1 give praise unto ,god--ackn[l$ge himself to be "o ( ,8 greate/ debtors2 because x seems to be ,8 w to take him into ,8 h\se1 hav+ *os5 him = ,8 k+dom1 if he does n turn back4 #d4 ,let him n reg>d c]ta9 k9ds ( humility :i* exi/1 & ( :i* ,i mean to speak4 #c ,"s ?9k x humility n to believe t ,god is be/[+ ,8 gifts ^u !m4 ,let u cle>ly und]/& ?is1 & t x is p]fectly cle> ,god be/[s ,8 gifts )\t any m]it :atev] on our "p2 & let u be grateful to ,8 ,maje/y = !m2 = if we d n recognize ! gifts receiv$ at ,8 h&s1 we %all nev] be mov$ to love ,him4 ,x is a mo/ c]ta9 tru?1 t ! ri*] we see ourselves to be1 confess+ at ! same "t our pov]ty1 ! great] w be our progress1 & ! m real our humility4 #e4 ,an opposite c\rse t5ds to take away all c\rage2 = we %all ?9k ourselves incapable ( great bless+s1 if we beg9 to fright5 ourselves ) ! dread ( va9-glory :5 our ,"l beg9s to %[ ,8 m]cy ^u u4 #d ,let u believe t ,he ,:o gives ^! gifts w also1 :5 ! devil beg9s to tempt u h]e91 give u ! grace to detect him1 & ! /r5g? to resi/ him--t is1 ,he w d s if we walk 9 simplicity be=e ,god1 aim+ at pleas+ ,him only1 & n m54 ,x is a mo/ evid5t tru?1 t our love = a p]son is great]1 ! m di/9ctly we rememb] ! good he has done u4 #f4 ,if1 !n1 x is lawful1 & s m]itori\s1 always to rememb] t we h our be+ f ,god1 t ,he has creat$ u out ( no?+1 t ,he pres]ves u1 & also to rememb] all ! b5efits ( ,8 dea? & ,passion1 :i* ,he suff]$ long be=e ,he made u = e "o ( u n[ alive--:y %\ld x n be lawful = me to disc]n1 confess1 & consid] (t5 t ,i 0 once accu/om$ to speak ( vanities1 & t n[ our ,"l has giv5 me ! grace to speak only ( ,himself8 #g4 ,"h1 !n1 is a preci\s pe>l1 :i*1 :5 we rememb] t x is giv5 u1 & t we h x 9 possession1 p[]fully invites u to love4 ,all ?is is ! fruit ( pray] f\nd$ on humility4 ,:at1 !n1 w x be :5 we %all f9d ourselves 9 possession ( o!r pe>ls ( great] price1 su* z contempt ( ! _w & ( self1 :i* "s s]vants ( ,god h already receiv$8 ,x is cle> t su* s\ls mu/ consid] !mselves great] debtors--"u great] obligations to s]ve ,him3 we mu/ ackn[l$ge t we h no?+ ( ourselves1 & confess ! munific5ce ( our ,"l1 ,:o1 on a s\l s wret*$ & poor1 & s utt]ly undes]v+1 z m9e is1--= :om ! fir/ ( ^! pe>ls 0 en\gh1 & m ?an en\gh1--w\ld be/[ great] ri*es ?an ,i c\ld desire4 #h4 ,we mu/ r5ew our /r5g? to s]ve ,him1 & /rive n to be ungrateful1 because x is on ?is condition t our ,"l disp5ses ,8 treasures2 = if we d n make a good use ( !m1 & ( ! high e/ate to :i* ,he raises u1 ,he w return & take !m f u1 & we %all be poor] ?an ev]4 ,8 ,maje/y w give ! pe>ls to him :o %all br+ !m =? & employ !m usefully = himself & o!rs4 ,= h[ %all he be useful1 & h[ %all he sp5d lib]ally1 :o does n "k t he is ri*8 ,x is n possible1 ,i ?9k1 our nature be+ :at x is1 t he c h ! c\rage necess>y = great ?+s :o does n "k t ,god is on 8 side2 = s mis]able are we1 s incl9$ to ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 t he c h>dly h any real abhorr5ce (1 ) great deta*m5t f1 all e>?ly ?+s :o does n see t he holds "s pl$ges = ^? ?+s t are above4 ,x is by ^! gifts t our ,"l gives u t /r5g? :i* we ?r\gh our s9s h lo/4 #i4 ,a man w h>dly wi% to be held 9 contempt & abhorr5ce1 nor w he seek aft] ! o!r great virtues to :i* ! p]fect atta91 if he has n "s pl$ges ( ! love :i* ,god be>s him1 toge!r ) a liv+ fai?4 ,our nature is s dead1 t we g aft] t :i* we see imm$iately be=e u2 & x is ^! graces1 !re=e1 t quick5 & /r5g!n our fai?4 ,x may well be t ,i1 :o am s wick$1 measure o!rs by myself1 & t o!rs require no?+ m ?an ! v]ities ( ! fai?1 9 ord] to r5d] _! works mo/ p]fect2 :ile ,i1 wret*$ t ,i am6 h ne$ ( ev]y?+4 #aj4 ,o!rs w expla9 ?is4 ,i speak f my own exp]i5ce1 z ,i h be5 comm&$2 & if :at ,i say be n correct1 let him #e to :om ,i s5d x de/roy x2 = he kn[s bett] ?an ,i d :at is wrong 9 x4 ,i entreat him1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 to publi% abroad :at ,i h ?us f> said ( my wret*$ life1 & ( my s9s4 ,i give him leave to d s2 & to all my confessors1 also1--( :om he is "o--to :om ?is is to be s5t1 if x be _! pleasure1 ev5 dur+ my life1 s t ,i may no long] deceive p :o ?9k !re mu/ be "s good 9 me4 #f ,c]ta9ly1 ,i speak 9 all s9c]ity1 s f> z ,i und]/& myself4 ,su* publication w give me great com=t4 #aa4 ,b z to t :i* ,i am n[ go+ to say1 ,i give no su* leave2 nor1 if x be %[n to any "o1 d ,i cons5t to its be+ said :o ! p]son is ^: exp]i5ce x describes1 nor :o wrote x4 ,?is is :y ,i m5tion nei!r my own "n1 nor t ( any o!r p]son :atev]4 ,i h writt5 x 9 ! be/ way ,i c\ld1 9 ord] n to be kn[n2 & ?is ,i beg ( !m = ! love ( ,god4 ,p]sons s le>n$ & grave z !y are #g h au?ority en\gh to approve ( :atev] "r ?+s ,i may say1 %\ld our ,"l give me ! grace to d s2 & if ,i %\ld say any?+ ( ! k9d1 x w be ,81 & n m9e--because ,i am nei!r le>n$ nor ( good life1 & ,i h no p]son ( le>n+ or any o!r to tea* me2 = !y only :o ord]$ me to write "k t ,i am writ+1 & at ?is mom5t !y are n "h4 ,i h1 z x 71 to /eal ! "t1 & t ) difficulty1 because my writ+ h9d]s me f sp9n+4 ,i am liv+ 9 a h\se t is poor1 & h _m ?+s to d4 #h ,if1 inde$1 our ,"l _h giv5 me great] abilities & a bett] memory1 ,i might !n pr(it by :at ,i h se5 & read2 b my abilities are v slight4 ,if1 !n1 ,i %\ld say any?+ t is "r1 our ,"l w h x said = "s good purpose2 t :i* may be wrong w be m9e1 & y\r rev]5ce w /rike x out4 #ab4 ,9 nei!r case w x be ( any use to publi% my "n3 dur+ my life1 x is cle> t no good ,i may h done ought to be told2 aft] dea?1 !re is no reason aga9/ x1 except t x w lose all au?ority & cr$it1 because relat$ ( a p]son s vile & s wick$ z ,i am4 ,& because ,i ?9k y\r rev]5ce & ! o!rs :o may see ?is writ+ w d ?is t ,i ask ( y1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 ,i write ) fre$om4 ,if x 7 n s1 ,i %\ld h great scruples1 except 9 decl>+ my s9s3 & 9 t matt] ,i %\ld h none at all4 ,= ! re/1 x is en\gh t ,i am a woman to make my sails droop3 h[ mu* m1 !n1 :5 ,i am a woman1 & a wick$ "o8 #ac4 ,s1 !n1 ev]y?+ "h beyond ! simple /ory ( my life y\r rev]5ce mu/ take ^u y\rself--s9ce y h s press$ me to give "s acc\nt ( ! graces :i* our ,"l be/[$ ^u me 9 pray]--if x be consi/5t ) ! tru?s ( our holy ,ca?olic fai?2 if x be n1 y\r rev]5ce mu/ burn x at once--= ,i give my cons5t4 ,i w rec\nt my exp]i5ce1 9 ord] t1 if x be consi/5t ) ^? tru?s1 y\r rev]5ce may make "s use ( x2 if n1 y w deliv] my s\l f delusion1 s t ,satan may ga9 no?+ !re :]e ,i seem$ to be ga9+ myself4 ,our ,"l kn[s well t ,i1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]1 #i h always lab\r$ to f9d out ^? :o c\ld give me light4 #ad4 ,h[ cle> soev] ,i may wi% to make my acc\nt ( t :i* relates to pray]1 x w be obscure en\gh = ^? :o are )\t exp]i5ce4 ,i %all speak ( c]ta9 h9drances1 :i*1 z ,i und]/& x1 keep m5 f advanc+ on ?is road--& ( o!r ?+s :i* are dang]\s1 z our ,"l has taught me by exp]i5ce4 ,i h also discuss$ ! matt] ) m5 ( great le>n+1 ) p]sons :o = _m ye>s _h liv$ spiritual lives1 :o admit t1 9 ! tw5ty-sev5 ye>s only dur+ :i* ,i h giv5 myself to pray]--?\gh ,i walk$ s ill1 & /umbl$ s (t5 on ! road--,8 ,maje/y grant$ me t exp]i5ce :i* o!rs atta9 to 9 sev5-&-?irty1 or sev5-&-=ty1 ye>s2 & !y1 too1 be+ p]sons :o ev] advanc$ 9 ! way ( p5ance & ( virtue4 #ae4 ,bless$ be ,god = all1 & may ,8 inf9ite ,maje/y make use ( me6 ,our ,"l kn[e? well t ,i h no o!r end 9 ?is ?an t ,he may be prais$ & magnifi$ a little1 :5 m5 %all see t on a dunghill s f\l & rank ,he has made a g>d5 ( fl[]s s sweet4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y t ,i may n by my own fault root !m out1 & become aga9 :at ,i 0 be=e4 ,& ,i entreat y\r rev]5ce1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 to beg ?is ( ,him = me1 see+ t y h a cle>] k ( :at ,i am ?an y h all[$ me to give ( myself "h4 #a4 ,! ,sa9t int]rupts h] hi/ory "h to ent] on ! difficult que/ions ( my/ical !ology1 & resumes x 9 *4 xxiii4 #b4 ,*4 ix4 #d4 #c4 ,*4 xxx4 #aj & #aa4 #d4 ,see *4 xiii4 #e4 #e4 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ybaez1 ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic4 #f4 ,see *4 xxxi4 #ag4 #g4 ,see *4 xv4 #ab4 #h4 ,see *4 xiv4 #ab4 #i4 ,see *4 xxiv4 #e4 ,*apt] ,,xi4 ,:y ,m5 ,d ,n ,atta9 ,quickly to ! ,p]fect ,love ( ,god4 ,( ,f\r ,degrees ( ,pray]4 ,( ! ,fir/ ,degree4 ,! ,doctr9e ,pr(itable = ,beg9n]s1 & = ,^? ,:o ,h ,no ,s5sible ,sweetness4 #a4 ,i speak n[ ( ^? :o beg9 to be ! s]vants ( love2 t seems to me to be no?+ else b to resolve to foll[ ,him 9 ! way ( pray]1 :o has lov$ u s mu*4 ,x is a dignity s great1 t ,i h a /range joy 9 ?9k+ ( x2 = s]vile fe> vani%es at once1 if we are1 z we ought to be1 9 ! fir/ degree4 ,o ,"l ( my s\l1 & my good1 h[ is x t1 :5 a s\l is det]m9$ to love ,!e--do+ all x c1 by =sak+ all ?+s1 9 ord] t x may ! bett] occupy itself ) ! love ( ,god--x is n ,?y w x %\ld h ! joy ( asc5d+ at once to ! possession ( p]fect love8 ,i h spok5 amiss2 ,i ought to h said1 & my compla9t %\ld h be51 :y is x we d n8 = ! fault is :olly our own t we d n rejoice at once 9 a dignity s great1 see+ t ! atta9+ to ! p]fect possession ( ?is true love br+s all bless+s ) x4 #b4 ,we ?9k s mu* ( ourselves1 & are s dilatory 9 giv+ ourselves :olly to ,god1 t1 z ,8 ,maje/y w n let u h ! fruition ( t :i* is s preci\s b at a great co/1 s nei!r d we p]fectly prep>e ourselves = x4 ,i see pla9ly t !re is no?+ by :i* s great a good c be procur$ 9 ?is _w4 ,if1 h[ev]1 we did :at we c\ld1 n cl++ to any?+ ^u e>?1 b hav+ all our ?\ghts & conv]sation 9 ,heav51 ,i believe t ?is bless+ w\ld quickly be giv5 u1 provid$ we p]fectly prep>$ ourselves = x at once1 z "s ( ! sa9ts h done4 ,we ?9k we are giv+ all to ,god2 b1 9 fact1 we are (f]+ only ! rev5ue or ! produce1 :ile we reta9 ! fee-simple ( ! l& 9 our own possession4 #c4 ,we resolve to become poor1 & x is a resolution ( great m]it2 b we v (t5 take great c>e n to be 9 want1 n simply ( :at is necess>y1 b ( :at is sup]flu\s3 yea1 & to make = ourselves fri5ds :o may supply u2 & 9 ?is way we take m pa9s1 & p]haps expose ourselves to great] dang]1 9 ord] t we may want no?+1 ?an we did =m]ly1 :5 we _h our own possessions 9 our own p[]4 #d4 ,we ?\ght1 also1 t we gave up all desire ( hon\r :5 we became religi\s1 or :5 we began ! spiritual life1 & foll[$ aft] p]fection2 & yet1 :5 we are t\*$ on ! po9t ( hon\r1 we d n !n rememb] t we _h giv5 x up to ,god4 ,we w\ld seize x aga91 & take x1 z !y say1 out ( ,8 ,h&s1 ev5 aft] we _h made ,him1 to all appe>ance1 ! ,"l ( our own w4 ,s is x 9 e ?+ else4 #e4 ,a pleasant way ?is ( seek+ ! love ( ,god6 we reta9 our own affections1 & yet w h t love1 z !y say1 by h&fuls4 ,we make no ef=ts to br+ our desires to good effect1 or to raise !m resolutely above ! e>?2 & yet1 ) all ?is1 we mu/ h _m spiritual consolations4 ,?is is n well1 & we are seek+ ?+s t are incompatible "o ) ! o!r4 ,s1 because we d n give ourselves up :olly & at once1 ?is treasure is n giv5 :olly & at once to u4 ,may x be ! good pleasure ( our ,"l to give x u drop by drop1 ?\gh x may co/ u all ! trials 9 ! _w4 #f4 ,he %[e? great m]cy unto him to :om ,he gives ! grace & resolution to /rive = ?is bless+ ) all 8 might2 = ,god )holds ,himself f no "o :o p]sev]es4 ,he w by little & little /r5g!n t s\l1 s t x may come =? victori\s4 ,i say resolution1 because ( ! multitude ( ^? ?+s :i* ,satan puts be=e x at fir/1 to keep x back f beg9n+ to travel on ?is road2 = he kn[e? :at h>m w befall him !reby--he w lose n only t s\l1 b _m o!rs also4 ,if he :o ent]s on ?is road does viol5ce to himself1 ) ! help ( ,god1 s z to rea* ! summit ( p]fection1 su* a "o1 ,i believe1 w nev] g alone to ,heav52 he w always take _m ) him3 ,god gives to him1 z to a good capta91 ^? :o %all be ( 8 company4 #g4 ,?us1 !n1 ! dang]s & difficulties :i* ,satan puts be=e !m are s _m1 t !y h ne$1 n ( a little1 b ( a v great1 resolution1 & great grace f ,god1 to save !m f fall+ away4 #h4 ,speak+1 !n1 ( _! beg9n+s :o are det]m9$ to foll[ aft] ?is good1 & to succe$ 9 _! ent]prise--:at ,i began to say #a ( my/ical !ology--,i believe !y call x by t "n--,i %all proce$ ) h]eaft]--,i h to say t ! lab\r is greate/ at fir/2 = x is !y :o toil1 our ,"l1 inde$1 giv+ !m /r5g?4 ,9 ! o!r degrees ( pray]1 !re is m ( fruition2 al?\gh !y :o are 9 ! beg9n+1 ! middle1 & ! end1 h _! crosses to c>ry3 ! crosses1 h[ev]1 are diff]5t4 ,!y :o w\ld foll[ ,*ri/1 if !y d n wi% to be lo/1 mu/ walk 9 ! way ,he walk$ ,himself4 ,bless$ lab\rs6 ev5 "h1 9 ?is life1 s sup]abundantly rew>d$6 #i4 ,i %all h to make use ( a comp>ison2 ,i %\ld l to avoid x1 because ,i am a woman1 & write simply :at ,i h be5 comm&$4 ,b ?is language ( spirituality is s difficult ( utt]ance = ^? :o are n le>n$1 & su* am ,i4 ,i h !re=e to seek = "s means to make ! matt] pla94 ,x may be t ! comp>ison w v r>ely be to ! purpose--y\r rev]5ce w be amus$ :5 y see my /upidity4 ,i ?9k1 n[1 ,i h ei!r read or he>d ( ?is comp>ison2 b z my memory is bad1 ,i "k n :]e1 nor on :at occasion2 h[ev]1 ,i am satisfi$ ) x = my pres5t purpose4 #b #aj4 ,a beg9n] mu/ look ^u himself z mak+ a g>d51 :]e9 our ,"l may take ,8 delight1 b 9 a soil unfruitful1 & ab\nd+ 9 we$s4 ,8 ,maje/y roots up ! we$s1 & has to plant good h]bs4 ,let u1 !n1 take = grant$ t ?is is already done :5 a s\l is det]m9$ to give itself to pray]1 & has begun ! practice ( x4 ,we h1 !n1 z good g>d5]s1 by ! help ( ,god1 to see t ! plants gr[1 to wat] !m c>efully1 t !y may n die1 b produce blossoms1 :i* %all s5d =? mu* fragrance1 refre%+ to our ,"l1 s t ,he may come (t5 = ,8 pleasure into ?is g>d51 & delight ,himself 9 ! mid/ ( ^! virtues4 #aa4 ,let u n[ see h[ ?is g>d5 is to be wat]$1 t we may und]/& :at we h to d3 h[ mu* tr\ble x w co/ u1 :e!r ! ga9 be great] ?an ! tr\ble1 or h[ long a "t x w take u4 ,x seems to me t ! g>d5 may be wat]$ 9 f\r ways3 by wat] tak5 out ( a well1 :i* is v labori\s2 or ) wat] rais$ by means ( an eng9e & buckets1 drawn by a w9dlass--,i h drawn x ?is way sometimes--x is a less tr\blesome way ?an ! fir/1 & gives m wat]2 or by a /ream or brook1 :]eby ! g>d5 is wat]$ 9 a mu* bett] way--= ! soil is m ?or\ghly saturat$1 & !re is no necessity to wat] x s (t51 & ! lab\r ( ! g>d5] is mu* less2 or by %[]s ( ra91 :5 our ,"l ,himself wat]s x1 )\t lab\r on our "p--& ?is way is incomp>ably bett] ?an all ! o!rs ( :i* ,i h spok54 #ab4 ,n[1 !n1 = ! application ( ^! f\r ways ( irrigation by :i* ! g>d5 is to be ma9ta9$2 = )\t wat] x mu/ fail4 ,! comp>ison is to my purpose1 & x seems to me t by ! help ( x ,i %all be able to expla91 9 "s measure1 ! f\r degrees ( pray] to :i* our ,"l1 ( ,8 goodness1 has occasionally rais$ my s\l4 ,may ,he graci\sly grant t ,i may s speak z to be ( "s s]vice to "o ( ^? :o has comm&$ me to write1 :om our ,"l has rais$ 9 f\r mon?s to a great] height ?an ,i h rea*$ 9 sev5te5 ye>s6 ,he prep>$ himself bett] ?an ,i did1 & !re=e is 8 g>d5 )\t lab\r on 8 "p1 irrigat$ by ^! f\r wat]s--?\gh ! la/ ( !m is only drop by drop2 b x is gr[+ 9 su* a way1 t soon1 by ! help ( our ,"l1 he w be swall[$ up !re91 & x w be a pleasure to me1 if he f9ds my explanation absurd1 t he %\ld laugh at x4 #ac4 ,( ^? :o are beg9n]s 9 pray]1 we may say1 t !y are ^? :o draw ! wat] up out ( ! well--a process :i*1 z ,i h said1 is v labori\s2 = !y mu/ be we>i$ 9 keep+ ! s5ses recollect$1 & ?is is a great lab\r1 because ! s5ses h be5 hi!rto accu/om$ to di/ractions4 ,x is necess>y = beg9n]s to accu/om !mselves to disreg>d :at !y he> or see1 & to put x away f !m dur+ ! "t ( pray]2 !y mu/ be alone1 & 9 retirem5t ?9k ov] _! pa/ life4 ,?\gh all mu/ d ?is _m times1 beg9n]s z well z ^? m advanc$2 all1 h[ev]1 mu/ n d s equally1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]4 #c ,beg9n]s at fir/ suff] mu*1 because !y are n conv9c$ t !y are p5it5t = _! s9s2 & yet !y are1 because !y are s s9c]ely resolv$ on s]v+ ,god4 ,!y mu/ /rive to m$itate on ! life ( ,*ri/1 & ! und]/&+ is we>i$ !reby4 ,?us f> we c advance ( ourselves--t is1 by ! grace ( ,god--= )\t t1 z e "o kn[s1 we nev] c h "o good ?\ght4 #ad4 ,?is is beg9n+ to draw wat] up out ( ! well4 ,god grant !re may be wat] 9 x6 ,t1 h[ev]1 does n dep5d on u2 we are draw+ x1 & do+ :at we c t[>ds wat]+ ! fl[]s4 ,s good is ,god1 t :51 = reasons kn[n to ,8 ,maje/y--p]haps = our great] good--x is ,8 w ! well %\ld be dry1 ,he ,himself pres]ves ! fl[]s )\t wat]--we1 l good g>d5]s1 do+ :at lies 9 our p[]--& makes our virtues gr[4 ,by wat] "h ,i mean te>s1 & if !re be none1 !n t5d]ness & an inw>d feel+ ( devotion4 #ae4 ,:at1 !n1 w he d "h :o sees t1 = _m days1 he is consci\s only ( aridity1 disgu/1 dislike1 & s great an unwill+ness to g to ! well = wat]1 t he w\ld give x up altoge!r1 if he did n rememb] t he has to please & s]ve ! ,"l ( ! g>d52 if he did n tru/ t 8 s]vice 0 n 9 va91 & did n hope = "s ga9 by a lab\r s great z t ( l[]+ ! bucket into ! well s (t51 & draw+ x up )\t wat] 9 x8 ,x w happ5 t he is (t5 unable to move 8 arms = t purpose1 or to h "o good ?\ght3 work+ ) ! und]/&+ is draw+ wat] out ( ! well4 #af4 ,:at1 !n1 once m1 w ! g>d5] d n[8 ,he mu/ rejoice & take com=t1 & consid] x z ! greate/ fav\r to lab\r 9 ! g>d5 ( s great an ,emp]or2 & z he kn[s t he is pleas+ ,him 9 ! matt]--& 8 purpose mu/ n be to please himself1 b ,him--let him praise ,him greatly = ! tru/ ,he has 9 him--= ,he sees t1 )\t any recomp5se1 he is tak+ s mu* c>e ( t :i* has be5 confid$ to him2 let him help ,him to c>ry ! ,cross1 & let him ?9k h[ ,he c>ri$ x all ,8 life long2 let him n seek 8 k+dom "h1 nor ev] int]mit 8 pray]2 & s let him resolve1 if ?is aridity %\ld la/ ev5 8 :ole life long1 nev] to let ,*ri/ fall d[n b5ea? ! ,cross4 #d #ag4 ,! "t w come :5 he %all be paid once = all4 ,let him h no fe> t 8 lab\r is 9 va93 he s]ves a good ,ma/]1 ,^: eyes are ^u him4 ,let him make no acc\nt ( evil ?\ghts1 b rememb] t ,satan sugge/$ !m to ,/4 ,j]ome also 9 ! des]t4 #e ,^! lab\rs h _! rew>d1 ,i "k x2 = ,i am "o :o und]w5t !m = _m ye>s4 ,:5 ,i drew b "o drop ( wat] out ( ?is bless$ well1 ,i consid]$ x 0 a m]cy ( ,god4 ,i "k ^! lab\rs are v great1 & require1 ,i ?9k1 great] c\rage ?an _m o!rs 9 ?is _w2 b ,i h se5 cle>ly t ,god does n leave !m )\t a great recomp5se1 ev5 9 ?is life2 = x is v c]ta9 t 9 "o h\r1 dur+ :i* our ,"l gave me to ta/e ,8 sweetness1 all ! anxieties :i* ,i _h to be> :5 p]sev]+ 9 pray] seem to me ev] aft]w>ds p]fectly rew>d$4 #ah4 ,i believe t x is our ,"l's good pleasure frequ5tly 9 ! beg9n+1 & at times 9 ! end1 to s5d ^! torm5ts1 & _m o!r incid5tal temptations1 to try ^? :o love ,him1 & to asc]ta9 if !y w dr9k ! *alice1 #f & help ,him to c>ry ! ,cross1 be=e ,he intru/s !m ) ,8 great treasures4 ,i believe x to be = our good t ,8 ,maje/y %\ld lead u by ?is way1 s t we may p]fectly und]/& h[ wor?less we are2 = ! graces :i* ,he gives aft]w>ds are ( a dignity s great1 t ,he w h u by exp]i5ce "k our wret*$ness be=e ,he grants !m1 t x may n be ) u z x 0 ) ,lucif]4 #ai4 ,:at can/ ,?\ d1 ,o my ,"l1 t is n = ! great] good ( t s\l :i* ,?\ kn[e/ to be already ,?9e1 & :i* gives itself up to ,!e to foll[ ,!e :i!rsoev] ,?\ goe/1 ev5 to ! dea? ( ! ,cross2 & :i* is det]m9$ to help ,!e to c>ry t ,cross1 & n to leave ,!e alone ) x8 ,he :o %all disc]n ?is resolution 9 himself has no?+ to fe>3 no1 no2 spiritual p h no?+ to fe>4 ,!re is no reason :y he %\ld be di/ress$ :o is already rais$ to s high a degree z ?is is ( wi%+ to conv]se 9 solitude ) ,god1 & to ab&on ! amusem5ts ( ! _w4 ,! great] "p ( ! "w is done2 give praise to ,8 ,maje/y = x1 & tru/ 9 ,8 goodness :o has nev] fail$ ^? :o love ,him4 ,close ! eyes ( y\r imag9ation1 & d n ask :y ,he gives devotion to ?is p]son 9 s %ort a "t1 & none to me aft] s _m ye>s4 ,let u believe t all is = our great] good2 let ,8 ,maje/y guide u :i!rsoev] ,he w3 we are n our own1 b ,84 ,he %[s u m]cy en\gh :5 x is ,8 pleasure we %\ld be will+ to dig 9 ,8 g>d51 & to be s ne> ! ,"l ( x3 ,he c]ta9ly is ne> to u4 ,if x be ,8 w t ^! plants & fl[]s %\ld gr[--"s ( !m :5 ,he gives wat] we may draw f ! well1 o!rs :5 ,he gives none--:at is t to me8 ,d ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 accompli% ,?y w2 let me nev] (f5d ,!e1 nor let my virtues p]i%2 if ,?\ ha/ giv5 me any1 x is out ( ,?y m]e goodness4 ,i wi% to suff]1 because ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 ha/ suff]$2 d ,?\ 9 e way fulfil ,?y w 9 me1 & may x nev] be ! pleasure ( ,?y ,maje/y t a gift ( s high a price z t ( ,?y love1 be giv5 to p :o s]ve ,!e only because ( ! sweetness !y f9d !reby4 #bj4 ,x is mu* to be obs]v$1 & ,i say s because ,i "k by exp]i5ce1 t ! s\l :i*1 beg9s to walk 9 ! way ( m5tal pray] ) resolution1 & is det]m9$ n to c>e mu*1 nei!r to rejoice nor to be greatly afflict$1 :e!r sweetness & t5d]ness fail x1 or our ,"l grants !m1 has already travell$ a great "p ( ! road4 ,let t s\l1 !n1 h no fe> t x is go+ back1 ?\gh x may frequ5tly /umble2 = ! build+ is begun on a firm f\ndation4 ,x is c]ta9 t ! love ( ,god does n consi/ 9 te>s1 nor 9 ?is sweetness & t5d]ness :i* we = ! mo/ "p desire1 & ) :i* we console ourselves2 b r 9 s]v+ ,him 9 ju/ice1 =titude1 & humility4 ,t seems to me to be a receiv+ r ?an a giv+ ( any?+ on our "p4 #ba4 ,z = poor wom51 su* z ,i am1 weak & infirm ( purpose1 x seems to me to be necess>y t ,i %\ld be l$ on ?r\gh consolations1 z ,god is do+ n[1 s t ,i might be able to endure c]ta9 afflictions :i* x has pleas$ ,8 ,maje/y ,i %\ld h4 ,b :5 ! s]vants ( ,god1 :o are m5 ( weight1 le>n+1 & s5se1 make s mu* acc\nt1 z ,i see !y d1 :e!r ,god gives !m sweetness 9 devotion or n1 ,i am disgu/$ :5 ,i li/5 to !m4 ,i d n say t !y ought n to accept x1 & make mu* ( x1 :5 ,god gives x--because1 :5 ,he gives x1 ,8 ,maje/y sees x to be necess>y = !m--b ,i d say t !y ought n to gr[ we>y :5 !y h x n4 ,!y %\ld !n und]/& t !y h no ne$ ( x1 & be ma/]s ( !mselves1 :5 ,8 ,maje/y does n give x4 ,let !m be conv9c$ ( ?is1 !re is a fault "h2 ,i h _h exp]i5ce ( x1 & "k x to be s4 ,let !m believe x z an imp]fection3 !y are n advanc+ 9 lib]ty ( _s1 b %r9k+ l c[>ds f ! assault4 #bb4 ,x is n s mu* to beg9n]s t ,i say ?is--?\gh ,i d insi/ ^u x1 because x is ( great importance to !m t !y %\ld beg9 ) ?is lib]ty & resolution--z to o!rs1 ( :om !re are _m1 :o make a beg9n+1 b nev] come to ! end2 & t is ow+1 ,i believe1 9 great measure1 to _! n hav+ embrac$ ! ,cross f ! fir/4 ,!y are di/ress$1 ?9k+ !y are do+ no?+2 ! und]/&+ ceases f its acts1 & !y _c be> x4 ,yet1 p]haps1 at t v "t1 ! w is fe$+ & ga!r+ /r5g?1 & !y "k x n4 #bc4 ,we mu/ suppose t our ,"l does n reg>d ^! ?+s2 = ?\gh !y seem to u to be faults1 yet !y are n4 ,8 ,maje/y kn[e? our mis]y & natural vil5ess bett] ?an we d ourselves4 ,he kn[e? t ^! s\ls long to be always ?9k+ ( ,him & lov+ ,him4 ,x is ?is resolution t ,he seeks 9 u2 ! o!r anxieties :i* we inflict ^u ourselves s]ve to no o!r end b to disquiet ! s\l--:i*1 if x be unable to d]ive any pr(it 9 "o h\r1 w by !m be disabl$ = f\r4 ,?is comes mo/ frequ5tly f bodily indisposition--,i h _h v great exp]i5ce 9 ! matt]1 & ,i "k x is true2 = ,i h c>efully obs]v$ x & discuss$ x aft]w>ds ) spiritual p]sons--= we are s wret*$1 t ?is poor prison] ( a s\l %>es 9 ! mis]ies ( ! body4 ,! *anges ( ! seasons1 & ! alt]ations ( ! hum\rs1 v (t5 compel x1 )\t fault ( its own1 n to d :at x w\ld1 b r to suff] 9 e way4 ,mean:ile1 ! m we =ce ! s\l on ^! occasions1 ! great] ! mis*ief1 & ! long] x la/s4 ,"s discretion mu/ be us$1 9 ord] to asc]ta9 :e!r ill-heal? be ! occasion or n4 ,! poor s\l mu/ n be /ifl$4 ,let ^? :o ?us suff] und]/& t !y are ill2 a *ange %\ld be made 9 ! h\r ( pray]1 & (t5times t *ange %\ld be cont9u$ = "s days4 ,let s\ls pass out ( ?is des]t z !y c1 = x is v (t5 ! mis]y ( "o t loves ,god to see itself liv+ 9 su* wret*$ness1 unable to d :at x w\ld1 because x has to keep s evil a gue/ z ! body4 #bd4 ,i spoke ( discretion1 because sometimes ! devil w d ! same "w2 & s x is n always "r to omit pray] :5 ! und]/&+ is greatly di/ract$ & di/urb$1 nor to torm5t ! s\l to ! do+ ( t :i* is out ( its p[]4 ,!re are o!r ?+s !n to be done--ext]ior works1 z ( *>ity & spiritual read+--?\gh at times ! s\l w n be able to d !m4 ,take c>e1 !n1 ( ! body1 = ! love ( ,god1 because at _m o!r times ! body mu/ s]ve ! s\l2 & let rec\rse be _h to "s recreations--holy ones--su* z conv]sation1 or go+ out into ! fields1 z ! confessor %all advise4 ,altoge!r1 exp]i5ce is a great matt]1 & x makes u und]/& :at is conv5i5t = u4 ,let ,god be s]v$ 9 all ?+s--,8 yoke is sweet2 #g & x is ( great importance t ! s\l %\ld n be dragg$1 z !y say1 b c>ri$ g5tly1 t x may make great] progress4 #be4 ,s1 !n1 ,i come back to :at ,i advis$ be=e #h--;& ?\gh ,i repeat x (t51 x matt]s n2 x is ( great importance t no "o %\ld di/ress himself on acc\nt ( aridities1 or because 8 ?\ghts are re/less & di/ract$2 nei!r %\ld he be afflict$ !reat1 if he w\ld atta9 to lib]ty ( _s1 & n be always 9 tr\ble4 ,let him beg9 by n be+ afraid ( ! ,cross1 & he w see h[ our ,"l w help him to c>ry x1 h[ joyfully he w advance1 & :at pr(it he w d]ive f x all4 ,x is n[ cle>1 if !re is no wat] 9 ! well1 t we at lea/ c put none into x4 ,x is true we mu/ n be c>eless ab\t draw+ x :5 !re is any 9 x1 because at t "t x is ! w ( ,god to multiply our virtues by means !re(4 ,,notes #a4 ,*4 x4 #a4 #b4 ,vide ,/4 ,b]n>d1 9 ,cantic4 ,s]m4 #cj4 n4 #g1 ed4 ,b54 #c4 ,*4 xiii4 #bc4 #d4 ,see *4 xv4 #ag4 #e4 ,epi/4 #bb1 ad ,eu/o*ium3 ,o quoties ego ipse 9 eremo con/itutus1 et 9 illa va/a solitud9e qu exu/a solis ardoribus horridum mona*is pr/at habitaculum putabam me ,romanis int]esse deliciis4 ,s$ebam solus4 4 4 ,horrebant sacco membra de=mia4 4 4 4 ,ille igitur ego1 qui ob ,geh5n metum tali me c>c]e damnav]am1 scorpionum tantum socius et f]>um1 spe *oris int]]am puell>um1 pallebant ora jejuniis1 et m5s desid]iis /uabat 9 frigido corpore1 et ante hom9em sua jam c>ne prmortuum sola libid9um inc5dia bulliebant4 #f4 ,/4 ,matt4 xx4 #bb3 ,pote/is bib]e calicem8 #g4 ,/4 ,matt4 xi4 #cj3 ,jugum enim meum suave e/4 #h4 #ah4 ,*apt] ,,xii4 ,:at ,we ,c ,ourselves ,d4 ,! ,evil ( ,desir+ to ,atta9 to ,sup]natural ,/ates ,be=e ,our ,"l ,calls ,u4 #a4 ,my aim 9 ! =ego+ *apt]--?\gh ,i digress$ to _m o!r matt]s1 because !y seem$ to me v necess>y--0 to expla9 h[ mu* we may atta9 to ( ourselves2 & h[1 9 ^! beg9n+s ( devotion1 we are able 9 "s degree to help ourselves3 because ?9k+ (1 & pond]+ on1 ! suff]+s ( our ,"l = our sakes moves u to compassion1 & ! sorr[ & te>s :i* result !refrom are sweet4 ,! ?\ght ( ! bless$ness we hope =1 ( ! love our ,"l bore u1 & ( ,8 resurrection1 k9dle )9 u a joy :i* is nei!r :olly spiritual nor :olly s5sual2 b ! joy is virtu\s1 & ! sorr[ is mo/ m]itori\s4 #b4 ,( ?is k9d are all ^? ?+s :i* produce a devotion acquir$ 9 "p by means ( ! und]/&+1 ?\gh x c nei!r be m]it$ nor _h1 if ,god grants x n4 ,x is be/ = a s\l :i* ,god has n rais$ to a high] /ate ?an ?is n to try to rise ( itself4 ,let ?is be well consid]$1 because all ! s\l w ga9 9 t way w be a loss4 ,9 ?is /ate x c make _m acts ( good resolutions to d mu* = ,god1 & enk9dle its love2 o!r acts also1 :i* may help ! gr[? ( virtues1 accord+ to t :i* is writt5 9 a book call$ ,! ,art ( ,s]v+ ,god1 #a a mo/ excell5t "w1 & pr(itable = ^? :o are 9 ?is /ate1 because ! und]/&+ is active n[4 #c4 ,! s\l may also place itself 9 ! pres5ce ( ,*ri/1 & accu/om itself to _m acts ( love direct$ to ,8 sacr$ ,humanity1 & rema9 9 ,8 pres5ce cont9ually1 & speak to ,him1 pray to ,him 9 its necessities1 & compla9 to ,him ( its tr\bles2 be m]ry ) ,him 9 its joys1 & yet n =get ,him because ( its joys4 ,all ?is x may d )\t set pray]s1 b r ) words befitt+ its desires & its ne$s4 #d4 ,?is is an excell5t way :]eby to advance1 & t v quickly4 ,he t w /rive to h ?is preci\s companion%ip1 & w make mu* ( x1 & w s9c]ely love our ,"l1 to :om we owe s mu*1 is "o1 9 my op9ion1 :o has made "s progress4 ,!re is !re=e no reason :y we %\ld tr\ble ourselves because we h no s5sible devotion1 z ,i said be=e4 #b ,b let u r give ?anks to our ,"l1 :o all[s u to h a desire to please ,him1 ?\gh our works be poor4 ,?is practice ( ! pres5ce ( ,*ri/ is pr(itable 9 all /ates ( pray]1 & is a mo/ safe way ( advanc+ 9 ! fir/ /ate1 & ( atta9+ quickly to ! second2 & z = ! la/ /ates1 x secures u aga9/ ^? risks :i* ! devil may occasion4 #e4 ,?is1 !n1 is :at we c d4 ,he :o w\ld pass out ( ?is /ate1 & upraise 8 _s1 9 ord] to ta/e consolations d5i$ him1 w1 9 my op9ion1 lose bo? ! "o & ! o!r4 #c ,^! consolations be+ sup]natural1 & ! und]/&+ inactive1 ! s\l is !n left desolate & 9 great aridity4 ,z ! f\ndation ( ! :ole build+ is humility1 ! ne>] we draw unto ,god ! m ?is virtue %\ld gr[2 if x does n1 ev]y?+ is lo/4 ,x seems to be a k9d ( pride :5 we seek to asc5d high]1 see+ t ,god desc5ds s l[1 :5 ,he all[s u1 be+ :at we are1 to draw ne> unto ,him4 #f4 ,x mu/ n be suppos$ t ,i am n[ speak+ ( rais+ our ?\ghts to ! consid]ation ( ! high ?+s ( heav5 & ( its glory1 or unto ,god & ,8 great wisdom4 ,i nev] did ?is myself1 because ,i _h n ! capacity = x--z ,i said be=e2 #d & ,i 0 s wor?less1 t1 z to ?9k+ ev5 ( ! ?+s ( e>?1 ,god gave me grace to und]/& ?is tru?3 t 9 me x 0 no slight boldness to d s4 ,h[ mu* m1 !n1 ! ?9k+ ( heav5ly ?+s8 ,o!rs1 h[ev]1 w pr(it 9 t way1 p>ticul>ly ^? :o are le>n$2 = le>n+1 9 my op9ion1 is a great treasury 9 ! matt] ( ?is ex]cise1 if x be accompani$ ) humility4 ,i obs]v$ ?is a few days ago 9 "s le>n$ m5 :o _h %ortly be=e made a beg9n+1 & _h made great progress4 ,?is is ! reason :y ,i am s v anxi\s t _m le>n$ m5 may become spiritual4 ,i %all speak ( ?is by & by4 #e #g4 ,:at ,i am say+--namely1 let !m n rise if ,god does n raise !m--is ! language ( spirituality4 ,he w und]/& me :o has _h any exp]i5ce2 & ,i "k n h[ to expla9 x1 if :at ,i h said does n make x pla94 #h4 ,9 my/ical !ology--( :i* ,i spoke be=e #f--! und]/&+ ceases f its acts1 because ,god susp5ds x--z ,i %all expla9 by & by1 if ,i c2 #g & ,god give me ! grace to d s4 ,we mu/ nei!r imag9e nor ?9k t we c ( ourselves br+ ab\t ?is susp5sion4 ,t is :at ,i say mu/ n be done2 nor mu/ we all[ ! und]/&+ to cease f its acts2 = 9 t case we %all be /upid & cold1 & ! result w be nei!r ! "o nor ! o!r4 ,= :5 our ,"l susp5ds ! und]/&+1 & makes x cease f its acts1 ,he puts be=e x t :i* a/oni%es & occupies x3 s t )\t mak+ any reflections1 x %all compreh5d 9 a mom5t #h m ?an we c\ld compreh5d 9 _m ye>s ) all ! ef=ts 9 ! _w4 #i4 ,to h ! p[]s ( ! m9d occupi$1 & to ?9k t y c keep !m at ! same "t quiet1 is folly4 ,i repeat x1 ?\gh x be n s und]/ood1 !re is no great humility 9 ?is2 &1 if x be blameless1 x is n left unpuni%$--x is lab\r ?r[n away1 & ! s\l is a little disgu/$3 x feels l a man ab\t to take a leap1 & is held back4 ,su* a "o seems to h us$ up 8 /r5g? already1 & f9ds himself unable to d t :i* he wi%$ to h done3 s "h1 9 ! scanty ga9 t rema9s1 he :o w consid] ! matt] w trace t slight want ( humility ( :i* ,i h spok52 #i = t virtue has ?is excell5ce3 !re is no good "w att5d$ by humility t leaves ! s\l disgu/$4 ,x seems to me t ,i h made ?is cle> en\gh2 yet1 aft] all1 p]haps only = myself4 ,may our ,"l op5 _! eyes :o read ?is1 by giv+ !m exp]i5ce2 & !n h[ev] slight t exp]i5ce may be1 !y w imm$iately und]/& x4 #aj4 ,= _m ye>s ,i read mu*1 & und]/ood no?+2 & = a long "t1 too1 ?\gh ,god gave me und]/&+ h]e91 ,i nev] c\ld utt] a ^w by :i* ,i might expla9 x to o!rs4 ,?is 0 no little tr\ble to me4 ,:5 ,8 ,maje/y pleases1 ,he tea*es ev]y?+ 9 a mom5t1 s t ,i am lo/ 9 wond]4 ,"o ?+ ,i c truly say3 ?\gh ,i conv]s$ ) _m spiritual p]sons1 :o s\ght to make me und]/& :at our ,"l 0 giv+ me1 9 ord] t ,i might be able to speak ( x1 ! fact is1 t my dulness 0 s great1 t ,i d]iv$ no advantage :atev]1 mu* or little1 f _! tea*+4 #aa4 ,or x may be1 z ,8 ,maje/y has always be5 my ,ma/]--may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 = ,i am a%am$ ( myself t ,i c say s ) tru?--t x 0 ,8 good pleasure ,i %\ld meet ) no "o to :om ,i %\ld be indebt$ 9 ?is matt]4 ,s1 )\t my wi%+ or ask+ x--,i nev] 0 c>eful ab\t ?is1 = t w\ld h be5 a virtue 9 me1 b only ab\t vanity--,god gave me to und]/& ) all di/9ctness 9 a mom5t1 & also enabl$ me to express myself1 s t my confessors 7 a/oni%$ b ,i m ?an !y1 because ,i knew my own dulness bett]4 ,x is n long s9ce ?is happ5$4 ,& s t :i* our ,"l has n taught me1 ,i seek n to "k x1 unless x be a matt] t t\*es my consci5ce4 #ab4 ,aga9 ,i repeat my advice3 x is ( great mom5t n to raise our _s ourselves1 if our ,"l does n raise x = u2 & if ,he does1 !re c be no mi/ak+ x4 ,= wom51 x is specially wrong1 because ! devil c delude !m--?\gh ,i am c]ta9 our ,"l w nev] all[ him to hurt any "o :o lab\rs to draw ne> unto ,god 9 humility4 ,on ! contr>y1 su* a "o w d]ive m pr(it & advantage out ( t attack by :i* ,satan int5d$ to hurt him4 #ac4 ,i h dwelt s long ^u ?is matt] because ?is way ( pray] is ! mo/ common ) beg9n]s1 & because ! advice ,i h giv5 is v important4 ,x w be f\nd mu* bett] giv5 else:]e3 t ,i admit2 & ,i admit1 also1 t 9 writ+ x ,i am a%am$ ( myself1 & cov]$ ) confusion--?\gh n s mu* s z ,i ought to be4 ,bless$ = ev] be our ,"l1 ( ^: w & pleasure x is t ,i am all[$1 be+ :at ,i am1 to speak ( ?+s :i* are ,81 ( su* a nature1 & s deep4 #a4 ,arte de s]vir a ,dios1 by ,rodrigue de ,solis1 fri> ( ! ,augu/9ian ,ord] 7,b\ix74 ,arte p>a s]vir a ,dios1 by ,fra4 ,alonso de ,madrid 7,de la ,fu5te74 #b4 ,*4 xi4 #bj1 #be4 #c4 ,t is1 he w lose ! pray] ( acquir$ quiet1 because he volunt>ily ab&ons x be=e ! "t2 & w n atta9 to ! pray] ( infus$ quiet1 because he attempts to rise into x be=e he is call$ 7,francis4 de ,sancto ,?oma1 ,m$ulla ,my/ica1 tr4 iv4 *4 xi4 n4 #fi74 #d4 ,*4 iv4 #aj4 #e4 ,*4 xxxiv4 #i4 #f4 ,*4 x4 #a4 #g4 ,*4 xvi4 #d4 #h4 ,en un cr$o4 #i4 #e4 ,*apt] ,,xiii4 ,( ,c]ta9 ,temptations ( ,satan4 ,in/ructions ,relat+ ,!reto4 #a4 ,i h ?\ght x "r to speak ( c]ta9 temptations ,i h obs]v$ to :i* beg9n]s are liable--"s ( !m ,i h _h myself--& to give "s advice ab\t c]ta9 ?+s :i* to me seem necess>y4 ,9 ! beg9n+1 !n1 we %\ld /rive to be *e]ful & uncon/ra9$2 = !re are p :o ?9k x is all ov] ) devotion if !y relax !mselves ev] s little4 ,x is "r to be afraid ( self2 s t1 hav+ no confid5ce 9 ourselves1 mu* or little1 we may n place ourselves 9 ^? circum/ances :]e9 m5 usually s9 aga9/ ,god2 = x is a mo/ necess>y fe>1 till we become v p]fect 9 virtue4 ,& !re are n _m :o are s p]fect z to be able to relax !mselves on ^? occasions :i* (f] temptations to _! natural temp]2 = always :ile we live1 7 x only to pres]ve humility1 x is well we %\ld "k our own mis]able nature2 b !re are _m occasions on :i* x is p]mitt$ u--z ,i said j n[ #a--to take "s recreation1 9 ord] t we may ) m vig\r resume our pray]4 #b4 ,discretion is necess>y ?r\gh\t4 ,we mu/ h great confid5ce2 because x is v necess>y = u n to contract our desires1 b put our tru/ 9 ,god2 =1 if we d viol5ce to ourselves by little & little1 we %all1 ?\gh n at once1 rea* t height :i* _m ,sa9ts by ,8 grace h rea*$4 ,if !y _h nev] resolv$ to desire1 & _h nev] by little & little act$ ^u t resolve1 !y nev] c\ld h asc5d$ to s high a /ate4 #c4 ,8 ,maje/y seeks & loves c\rage\s s\ls2 b !y mu/ be humble 9 _! ways1 & h no confid5ce 9 !mselves4 ,i nev] saw "o ( ^? lag beh9d on ! road2 & nev] a c[>dly s\l1 ?\gh aid$ by humility1 make t progress 9 _m ye>s :i* ! =m] makes 9 a few4 ,i am a/oni%$ at ! great ?+s done on ?is road by enc\rag+ oneself to und]take great ?+s1 ?\gh we may n h ! /r5g? = !m at once2 ! s\l takes a flight upw>ds & asc5ds high1 ?\gh1 l a little bird ^: w+s are weak1 x gr[s we>y & re/s4 #d4 ,at "o "t ,i us$ (t5 to ?9k ( ^? words ( ,/4 ,paul3 ,t all ?+s are possible 9 ,god4 #b ,i saw cle>ly t ( myself ,i c\ld d no?+4 ,?is 0 ( great s]vice to me4 ,s also 0 ! say+ ( ,/4 ,augu/9e3 ,give me1 ,o ,"l1 :at ,?\ comm&e/1 & comm& :at ,?\ wilt4 #c ,i 0 (t5 ?9k+ h[ ,/4 ,pet] lo/ no?+ by ?r[+ himself into ! sea1 ?\gh he 0 aft]w>ds afraid4 #d ,^! fir/ resolutions are a great matt]--al?\gh x is necess>y 9 ! beg9n+ t we %\ld be v res]v$1 controll$ by ! discretion & au?ority ( a director2 b we mu/ take c>e t he be "o :o does n tea* u to crawl l toads1 nor "o :o may be satisfi$ :5 ! s\l %[s itself fit only to cat* liz>ds4 ,humility mu/ always g be=e3 s t we may "k t ?is /r5g? c come out ( no /r5g? ( our own4 #e4 ,b x is necess>y we %\ld und]/& :at mann] ( humility ?is %\ld be1 because ,satan1 ,i believe1 does great h>m2 = he h9d]s ^? :o beg9 to pray f go+ onw>ds1 by sugge/+ to !m false notions ( humility4 ,he makes !m ?9k x is pride to h l>ge desires1 to wi% to imitate ! ,sa9ts1 & to long = m>tyrdom4 ,he tells u =?)1 or he makes u ?9k1 t ! actions ( ! ,sa9ts are to be admir$1 n to be imitat$1 by u :o are s9n]s4 ,i1 too1 say ! same ?+2 b we mu/ see :at ^? actions are :i* we are to admire1 & :at ^? are :i* we are to imitate2 = x w\ld be wrong 9 a p]son :o is weak & sickly to und]take mu* fa/+ & %>p p5ances to retire into ! des]t1 :]e he c\ld n sleep1 nor f9d any?+ to eat2 or1 inde$1 to und]take any au/]ities ( ?is k9d4 #f4 ,b we ought to ?9k t we c =ce ourselves1 by ! grace ( ,god1 to hold ! _w 9 pr(\nd contempt--to make light ( hon\r1 & be deta*$ f our possessions4 ,our he>ts1 h[ev]1 are s mean t we ?9k ! e>? w\ld fail u "u our feet1 if we 7 to cease to c>e ev5 = a mom5t = ! body1 & give ourselves up to spirituality4 ,!n we ?9k t to h all we require contributes to recollection1 because anxieties di/urb pray]4 ,x is pa9ful to me t our confid5ce 9 ,god is s scanty1 & our self-love s /rong1 z t any anxiety ab\t our own necessities %\ld di/urb u4 ,b s x is2 = :5 our spiritual progress is s slight1 a m]e no?+ w give u z mu* tr\ble z great & important matt]s w give to o!rs4 ,& we ?9k ourselves spiritual6 #g4 ,n[1 to me1 ?is way ( go+ on seems to betray a disposition to reconcile s\l & body toge!r1 9 ord] t we may n miss our ease 9 ?is _w1 & yet h ! fruition ( ,god 9 ! next2 & s x w be if we walk accord+ to ju/ice1 cl++ to virtue2 b x is ! pace ( a h5--x w nev] br+ u to lib]ty ( _s4 ,x is a c\rse ( proce$+1 z x seems to me1 mo/ excell5t = ^? :o are 9 ! m>ri$ /ate1 & :o mu/ live accord+ to _! vocation2 b = ! o!r /ate1 ,i by no means wi% = su* a me?od ( progress1 nei!r c ,i be made to believe x to be s\nd2 = ,i h tri$ x1 & ,i %\ld h rema9$ 9 t way1 if our ,"l 9 ,8 goodness _h n taught me ano!r & a %ort] road4 #h4 ,?\gh1 9 ! matt] ( desires1 ,i always _h g5]\s ones2 b ,i lab\r$1 z ,i said be=e1 #e to make my pray]1 &1 at ! same "t1 to live at my ease4 ,if !re _h be5 any "o to r\se me to a high] flight1 he might h br\ght me1 s ,i ?9k1 to a /ate 9 :i* ^! desires might h _h _! effects2 b1 = our s9s1 s few & s r>e are !y ^: discretion 9 t matt] is n excessive4 ,t1 ,i believe1 is reason en\gh :y ^? :o beg9 d n atta9 m quickly to great p]fection2 = our ,"l nev] fails u1 & x is n ,8 fault2 ! fault & ! wret*$ness ( ?is be+ all our own4 #i4 ,we may also imitate ! ,sa9ts by /riv+ aft] solitude & sil5ce1 & _m o!r virtues t w n kill ^! wret*$ bodies ( ours1 :i* insi/ on be+ treat$ s ord]ly1 t !y may disord] ! s\l2 & ,satan1 too1 helps mu* to make !m unmanageable4 ,:5 he sees u a little anxi\s ab\t !m1 he wants no?+ m to conv9ce u t our way ( life mu/ kill u1 & de/roy our heal?2 ev5 if we weep1 he makes u afraid ( bl9dness4 ,i h pass$ ?r\gh ?is1 & !re=e ,i "k x2 b ,i "k ( no bett] sight or bett] heal? t we c desire1 ?an ! loss ( bo? 9 su* a cause4 ,be+ myself s sickly1 ,i 0 always "u con/ra9t1 & good = no?+1 till ,i resolv$ to make no acc\nt ( my body nor ( my heal?2 ev5 n[ ,i am wor?less en\gh4 #aj4 ,b :5 x pleas$ ,god to let me f9d out ?is device ( ,satan1 ,i us$ to say to ! latt]1 :5 he sugge/$ to me t ,i 0 ru9+ my heal?1 t my dea? 0 ( no consequ5ce2 :5 he sugge/$ re/1 ,i repli$ t ,i did n want re/1 b ! ,cross4 ,8 o!r sugge/ions ,i treat$ 9 ! same way4 ,i saw cle>ly t 9 mo/ ?+s1 ?\gh ,i 0 really v sickly1 x 0 ei!r a temptation ( ,satan1 or a weakness on my "p4 ,my heal? has be5 mu* bett] s9ce ,i h ceas$ to look aft] my ease & com=ts4 ,x is ( great importance n to let our own ?\ghts fright5 u 9 ! beg9n+1 :5 we set ourselves to pray4 ,believe me 9 ?is1 = ,i "k x by exp]i5ce4 ,z a w>n+ to o!rs1 x may be t ?is /ory ( my failures may be useful4 #aa4 ,!re is ano!r temptation1 :i* is v common3 :5 p beg9 to h pleasure 9 ! re/ & ! fruit ( pray]1 !y w h ev]ybody else be v spiritual also4 ,n[1 to desire ?is is n wrong1 b to try to br+ x ab\t may n be "r1 except ) great discretion & ) mu* res]ve1 )\t any appe>ance ( tea*+4 ,he :o w\ld d any good 9 ?is matt] ought to be end[$ ) solid virtues1 t he may n put temptation 9 ! way ( o!rs4 ,x happ5$ to me--t is h[ ,i "k x--:51 z ,i said be=e1 #f ,i made o!rs apply !mselves to pray]1 to be a s\rce ( temptation & disord]2 =1 on ! "o h&1 !y he>d me say great ?+s ( ! bless$ness ( pray]1 &1 on ! o!r1 saw h[ poor ,i 0 9 virtue1 not)/&+ my pray]4 ,!y _h good reasons on _! side1 & aft]w>ds !y told me ( x2 = !y knew n h[ ^! ?+s c\ld be compatible "o ) ! o!r4 ,?is x 0 t made !m n to reg>d t z evil :i* 0 really s 9 itself1 namely1 t !y saw me d x myself1 n[ & !n1 dur+ ! "t t !y ?\ght well ( me 9 "s measure4 #ab4 ,?is is ,satan's "w3 he seems to take advantage ( ! virtues we may h1 = ! purpose ( giv+ a sanction1 s f> z he c1 to ! evil he aims at2 h[ slight soev] t evil may be1 8 ga9 mu/ be great1 if x prevail 9 a religi\s h\se4 ,h[ mu*1 !n1 mu/ 8 ga9 h be51 :5 ! evil ,i did 0 s v great6 ,& ?us1 dur+ _m ye>s1 only ?ree p]sons 7 ! bett] = :at ,i said to !m2 b n[ t our ,"l has made me /rong] 9 virtue1 9 ! c\rse ( two or ?ree ye>s _m p]sons h pr(it$1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]4 #g #ac4 ,!re is ano!r great inconv5i5ce 9 addition to ?is3 ! loss to our own s\l2 = ! utmo/ we h to d 9 ! beg9n+ is to take c>e ( our own s\l only1 & consid] t 9 ! :ole _w !re is only ,god & our s\l4 ,?is is a po9t ( great importance4 #ad4 ,!re is ano!r temptation--we ought to be aw>e ( x1 & be cauti\s 9 our conduct3 p]sons are c>ri$ away by a zeal = virtue1 ?r\gh ! pa9 :i* ! sight ( ! s9s & fail+s ( o!rs occasions !m4 ,satan tells !m t ?is pa9 arises only out ( _! desire t ,god may n be (f5d$1 & out ( _! anxiety ab\t ,8 hon\r2 s !y imm$iately seek to rem$y ! evil4 ,?is s di/urbs !m1 t !y _c pray4 ,! greate/ evil ( all is _! ?9k+ ?is an act ( virtue1 ( p]fection1 & ( a great zeal = ,god4 ,i am n speak+ ( ! pa9 :i* public s9s occasion1 if !y be habitual 9 any community1 nor ( wrongs done to ! ,*ur*1 nor ( h]esies by :i* s _m s\ls are visibly lo/2 = ?is pa9 is mo/ :olesome1 & be+ :olesome is no s\rce ( disquiet4 ,! security1 !re=e1 ( t s\l :i* w\ld apply itself to pray] lies 9 ca/+ away f itself all anxiety ab\t p]sons & ?+s1 9 tak+ c>e ( itself1 & 9 pleas+ ,god4 ,?is is ! mo/ pr(itable c\rse4 #ae4 ,if ,i 7 to speak ( ! mi/akes :i* ,i h se5 p make1 9 reliance on _! own good int5tions1 ,i %\ld nev] come to an end4 ,let u lab\r1 !re=e1 always to consid] ! virtues & ! good qualities :i* we disc]n 9 o!rs1 & ) our own great s9s cov] our eyes1 s t we may see none ( _! fail+s4 ,?is is "o way ( do+ our "w2 & ?\gh we may n be p]fect 9 x at once1 we %all acquire "o great virtue--we %all look ^u all m5 z bett] ?an ourselves2 & we beg9 to acquire t virtue 9 ?is way1 by ! grace ( ,god1 :i* is necess>y 9 all ?+s--= :5 we h x n1 all our endeav\rs are 9 va9--& by implor+ ,him to give u ?is virtue2 = ,he nev] fails u1 if we d :at we c4 #af4 ,?is advice1 also1 !y mu/ take into _! consid]ation :o make mu* use ( _! und]/&+1 elicit+ f "o subject _m ?\ghts & conceptions4 ,z to ^? :o1 l myself1 _c d x1 ,i h no advice to give1 except t !y are to h pati5ce1 until our ,"l %all s5d !m bo? matt] & light2 = !y c d s little ( !mselves1 t _! und]/&+ is a h9drance to !m r ?an a help4 #ag4 ,to ^?1 !n1 :o c make use ( _! und]/&+1 ,i say t !y are n to sp5d ! :ole "t 9 t way2 = ?\gh x be mo/ m]itori\s1 yet !y mu/ n1 :5 pray] is sweet1 suppose t !re nev] w be a ,sunday or a "t :5 no "w ought to be done4 ,!y ?9k x lo/ "t to d o!rwise2 b ,i ?9k t loss _! greate/ ga94 ,let !m r1 z ,i h said1 #h place !mselves 9 ! pres5ce ( ,*ri/1 &1 )\t fatigu+ ! und]/&+1 conv]se ) ,him1 & 9 ,him rejoice1 )\t we>y+ !mselves 9 se>*+ out reasons2 b let !m r lay _! necessities be=e ,him1 & ! j reasons !re are :y ,he %\ld n suff] u 9 ,8 pres5ce3 at "o "t ?is1 at ano!r "t t1 le/ ! s\l %\ld be we>i$ by always eat+ ( ! same food4 ,^! meats are mo/ sav\ry & :olesome1 if ! palate be accu/om$ to !m2 !y w furni% a great support = ! life ( ! s\l1 & !y h _m o!r advantages also4 #ah4 ,i w expla9 myself fur!r2 = ! doctr9e ( pray] is difficult1 &1 )\t a director1 v h>d to und]/&4 ,?\gh ,i w\ld will+ly be concise1 & ?\gh a m]e h9t is en\gh = 8 cle> intellect :o has comm&$ me to write on ! subject ( pray]1 yet s x is1 my dulness does n all[ me to say or expla9 9 a few words t :i* x is s important to expla9 well4 ,i1 :o h gone ?r\gh s mu*1 am sorry = ^? :o beg9 only ) books2 = !re is a /range diff]5ce betwe5 t :i* we le>n by read+1 & t :i* we le>n by exp]i5ce4 #ai4 ,go+ back1 !n1 to :at ,i 0 say+4 ,we set ourselves to m$itate ^u "s my/]y ( ! ,passion3 let u say1 our ,"l at ! pill>4 ,! und]/&+ goe? ab\t seek+ = ! s\rces out ( :i* came ! great dol\rs & ! bitt] angui% :i* ,8 ,maje/y endur$ 9 t desolation4 ,x consid]s t my/]y 9 _m lights1 :i* ! intellect1 if x be skill$ 9 its "w1 or furni%$ ) le>n+1 may !re obta94 ,?is is a me?od ( pray] :i* %\ld be to ev]yone ! beg9n+1 ! middle1 & ! end3 a mo/ excell5t & safe way1 until our ,"l %all guide !m to o!r sup]natural ways4 #bj4 ,i say to all1 because !re are _m s\ls :o make great] progress by m$itation on o!r subjects ?an on ! ,sacr$ ,passion2 = z !re are _m mansions 9 heav51 s !re are also _m roads lead+ ?i!r4 ,"s p]sons advance by consid]+ !mselves 9 hell1 o!rs 9 heav5--& ^! are di/ress$ by m$itations on hell4 ,o!rs m$itate on dea?2 "s p]sons1 if t5d]-he>t$1 are greatly fatigu$ by cont9ual m$itations on ! ,passion2 b are consol$ & make progress :5 !y m$itate on ! p[] & greatness ( ,god 9 ,8 creatures1 & on ,8 love visible 9 all ?+s4 ,?is is an admirable me?od--n omitt+1 h[ev]1 f "t to "t1 ! ,passion & ,life ( ,*ri/1 ! ,s\rce ( all good t ev] came1 & t ev] %all come4 #ba4 ,he :o beg9s is 9 ne$ ( in/ruction1 :]eby he may asc]ta9 :at pr(its him mo/4 ,= ?is end x is v necess>y he %\ld h a director1 :o ought to be a p]son ( exp]i5ce2 = if he be n1 he w make _m mi/akes1 & direct a s\l )\t und]/&+ its ways1 or suff]+ x to und]/& !m itself2 = su* a s\l1 kn[+ t ob$i5ce to a director is highly m]itori\s1 d>es n transgress ! comm&m5ts x receives4 ,i h met ) s\ls cramp$ & torm5t$1 because he :o direct$ !m _h no exp]i5ce3 t made me sorry = !m4 ,"s ( !m knew n :at to d ) !mselves2 = directors :o d n und]/& ! _s ( _! p5it5ts afflict !m s\l & body1 & h9d] _! progress4 #i #bb4 ,"o p]son ,i _h to d ) _h be5 kept by h] director = eight ye>s1 z x 71 9 prison2 he w\ld n all[ h] to quit ! subject ( self-k2 & yet our ,"l _h already rais$ h] to ! pray] ( quiet2 s %e _h mu* to suff]4 #bc4 ,al?\gh ?is matt] ( self-k mu/ nev] be put aside--= !re is no s\l s great a giant on ?is road b has frequ5t ne$ to turn back1 & be aga9 an infant at ! brea/2 & ?is mu/ nev] be =gott54 ,i %all repeat x1 #aj p]haps1 _m times1 because ( its great importance--= among all ! /ates ( pray]1 h[ev] high !y may be1 !re is n "o 9 :i* x is n (t5 necess>y to g back to ! beg9n+4 ,! k ( our s9s1 & ( our own selves1 is ! bread :i* we h to eat ) all ! meats1 h[ev] delicate !y may be1 9 ! way ( pray]2 )\t ?is bread1 life _c be su/a9$1 ?\gh x mu/ be tak5 by measure4 ,:5 a s\l beholds itself resign$1 & cle>ly und]/&s t !re is no goodness 9 x--:5 x feels itself aba%$ 9 ! pres5ce ( s great a ,k+1 & sees h[ little x pays ( ! great debt x owes ,him--:y %\ld x be necess>y = x to wa/e its "t on ?is subject8 ,:y %\ld x n r proce$ to o!r matt]s :i* our ,"l places be=e x1 & = neglect+ :i* !re is no reason8 ,8 ,maje/y surely kn[s bett] ?an we d :at k9d ( food is prop] = u4 #bd4 ,s1 !n1 x is ( great consequ5ce t ! director %\ld be prud5t--,i mean1 ( s\nd und]/&+--& a man ( exp]i5ce4 ,if1 9 addition to ?is1 he is a le>n$ man1 x is a v great matt]4 ,b if ^! ?ree qualities _c be _h toge!r1 ! fir/ two are ! mo/ important1 because le>n$ m5 may be f\nd ) :om we c communicate :5 x is necess>y4 ,i mean1 t = beg9n]s le>n$ m5 are ( little use1 if !y are n m5 ( pray]4 ,i d n say t !y are to h no?+ to d ) le>n$ m51 because a spirituality1 ! f\ndations ( :i* are n re/+ on ! tru?1 ,i w\ld r 7 n accompani$ ) pray]4 ,le>n+ is a great ?+1 = x tea*es u :o "k s little1 & enlight5s u2 s :5 we h come to ! k ( ! tru?s conta9$ 9 ! holy writ+s1 we d :at we ought to d4 ,f silly devotions1 ,god deliv] u6 #be4 ,i w expla9 myself fur!r1 = ,i am m$dl+1 ,i believe1 ) too _m matt]s4 ,x has always be5 my fail+ t ,i c\ld nev] make myself und]/ood--z ,i said be=e #aa--;b at ! co/ ( _m words4 ,a nun beg9s to practise pray]2 if h] director be silly1 & if he %\ld take x into 8 head1 he w make h] feel t x is bett] = h] to obey him ?an h] own sup]ior4 ,he w d all ?is )\t any evil purpose1 ?9k+ t he is do+ "r4 ,= if he be n a religi\s himself1 he w ?9k ?is "r en\gh4 ,if 8 p5it5t be a m>ri$ woman1 he w tell h] t x is bett] = h] to give h]self unto pray]1 :5 %e ought to att5d to h] h\se1 al?\gh %e may !reby displease h] husb&4 ,& s x is1 he kn[s n h[ to make arrangem5ts = "t & bus9ess1 s t ev]y?+ may be done z x ought to be done2 he has no light himself1 & c !re=e give none to o!rs1 h[ev] mu* he may wi% to d s4 #bf4 ,?\gh le>n+ does n seem necess>y = discretion1 my op9ion has always be51 & w be1 t e ,*ri/ian %\ld cont9ue to be guid$ by a le>n$ director if he c1 & ! m le>n$ ! bett]4 ,!y :o walk 9 ! way ( pray] h ! great] ne$ ( le>n+2 & ! m spiritual !y are ! great] is t ne$4 ,let !m n say t le>n$ m5 n giv5 to pray] are n fit c\nsellors = ^? :o pray3 t is a delusion4 ,i h conv]s$ ) _m2 & n[ = "s ye>s ,i h s\ght !m ! m1 because ( my great] ne$ ( !m4 ,i h always be5 fond ( !m2 = ?\gh "s ( !m h no exp]i5ce1 !y d n dislike spirituality1 nei!r are !y ignorant ( :at x is1 because 9 ! sacr$ writ+s ) :i* !y are famili> !y always f9d ! tru? ab\t spirituality4 ,i am c]ta9 myself t a p]son giv5 to pray]1 :o treats ( ^! matt]s ) le>n$ m51 unless he is deceiv$ ) 8 own cons5t1 w nev] be c>ri$ away by any illusions ( ! devil4 ,i believe t ! evil spirits are exce$+ly afraid ( le>n$ m5 :o are humble & virtu\s1 kn[+ t !y w be f\nd out & defeat$ by !m4 #bg4 ,i h said ?is because !re are op9ions held to ! effect t le>n$ m51 if !y are n spiritual1 are n suit$ = p]sons giv5 to pray]4 ,i h j said t a spiritual director is necess>y2 b if he be n a le>n$ man1 he is a great h9drance4 ,x w help u mu* if we consult ^? :o are le>n$1 provid$ !y be virtu\s2 ev5 if !y be n spiritual1 !y w be ( s]vice to me1 & ,god w enable !m to und]/& :at !y %\ld tea*2 ,he w ev5 make !m spiritual1 9 ord] t !y may help u on4 ,i d n say ?is )\t hav+ _h exp]i5ce ( x2 & ,i h met ) m ?an two4 #bh4 ,i say1 !n1 t a p]son :o %all resign 8 s\l to be :olly subject to "o director w make a great mi/ake1 if he is 9 religion1 unless he f9ds a director ( ?is k9d1 because ( ! ob$i5ce due to 8 own sup]ior4 ,8 director may be defici5t 9 ! ?ree requisites ,i speak (1 #ab & t w be no slight cross1 )\t volunt>ily subject+ ! und]/&+ to "o ^: und]/&+ is none ( ! be/4 ,at lea/1 ,i h nev] be5 able to br+ myself to d x1 nei!r does x seem to me to be "r4 #bi4 ,b if he be a p]son liv+ 9 ! _w1 let him praise ,god = ! p[] he has ( *oos+ :om he w obey1 & let him n lose s excell5t a lib]ty2 yea1 r let him be )\t a director till he f9ds him--= our ,"l w give him "o1 if he is really humble1 & has a desire to meet ) ! "r p]son4 ,i praise ,god greatly--we wom51 & ^? :o are unle>n$1 ought always to r5d] ,him unceas+ ?anks--because !re are p]sons :o1 by lab\rs s great1 h atta9$ to ! tru?1 ( :i* we unle>n$ p are ignorant4 ,i (t5 wond] at le>n$ m5--p>ticul>ly ^? :o are 9 religion--:5 ,i ?9k ( ! tr\ble !y h _h 9 acquir+ t :i* !y communicate to me = my good1 & t )\t any m tr\ble to me ?an ! ask+ = x4 ,& yet !re are p :o w n take advantage ( _! le>n+3 ,god grant x may n be s6 #cj4 ,i see !m und]go ! pov]ty ( ! religi\s life1 :i* is great1 toge!r ) its p5ances1 its meagre food1 ! yoke ( ob$i5ce1 :i* makes me a%am$ ( myself at times2 & ) all ?is1 int]rupt$ sleep1 trials ev]y:]e1 ev]y:]e ! ,cross4 ,i ?9k x w\ld be a great evil = any "o to lose s great a good by 8 own fault4 ,x may be "s ( u1 :o are exempt$ f ^! burd5s--:o h our food put into our m\?s1 z !y say1 & live at our ease--may ?9k1 because we give ourselves a little m to pray]1 t we are rais$ above ! necessity ( su* great h>d%ips4 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 :o ha/ made me s incapable & s useless2 b ,i bless ,!e /ill m = ?is--t ,?\ quick5e/ s _m to quick5 u4 ,our pray] mu/ !re=e be v e>ne/ = ^? :o give u light4 ,:at %\ld we be )\t !m 9 ! mid/ ( ^! viol5t /orms :i* n[ di/urb ! ,*ur*8 ,if "s h fall51 ! good w %9e m & m4 #ac ,may x please our ,"l to hold !m 9 ,8 h&1 & help !m1 t !y may help u4 #ca4 ,i h gone f> away f ! subject ,i began to speak (2 b all is to ! purpose = ^? :o are beg9n]s1 t !y may beg9 a j\rney :i* is s high 9 su* a way z t !y %all g on by ! "r road4 ,com+ back1 !n1 to :at ,i spoke ( be=e1 #ad ! m$itation on ,*ri/ b\nd to ! pill>1 x is well we %\ld make reflections = a "t1 & consid] ! suff]+s ,he !re endur$1 = :om ,he endur$ !m1 :o ,he is :o endur$ !m1 & ! love ) :i* ,he bore !m4 ,b a p]son %\ld n always fatigue himself 9 mak+ ^! reflections1 b r let him rema9 !re ) ,*ri/1 9 ! sil5ce ( ! und]/&+4 #cb4 ,if he is able1 let him employ himself 9 look+ ^u ,*ri/1 :o is look+ ^u him2 let him accompany ,him1 & make 8 petitions to ,him2 let him humble himself1 & delight himself 9 ,*ri/1 & keep 9 m9d t he nev] des]v$ to be !re4 ,:5 he %all be able to d ?is1 ?\gh x may be 9 ! beg9n+ ( 8 pray]1 he w f9d great advantage2 & ?is way ( pray] br+s great advantages ) x--at lea/1 s my s\l has f\nd x4 ,i d n "k :e!r ,i am describ+ x aright2 y1 my fa!r1 w see to x4 ,may our ,"l grant me to please ,him rightly = ev]6 ,am54 #a4 ,*4 xi4 #bd4 #b4 ,philipp4 iv4 #ac2 ,omnia possum 9 ,eo4 #c4 ,confess4 x4 *4 #bi3 ,da quod jubes1 et jube quod vis4 #d4 ,/4 ,matt4 xiv4 #cj3 ,vid5s v]o v5tum validum1 timuit4 #e4 ,*4 vii4 #bg1 #ca4 #f4 ,*4 vii4 #af4 #g4 ,see *4 xxxi4 #g1 & *4 xxxix4 #ad4 #h4 ,*4 xii4 #c4 #i4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,liv+ ,flame1 pp4 #bfg1 #bgh-bhd1 ,engl4 trans4 #aj4 ,see *4 xv4 #bj4 #aa4 #ah4 #ab4 ,prud5ce1 exp]i5ce1 & le>n+2 see #bd4 #ac4 ,dan4 xii4 #c3 ,qui autem docti fu]9t1 fulgebunt quasi spl5dor firmam5ti4 #ad4 #ai4 ,*apt] ,,xiv4 ,! ,second ,/ate ( ,pray]4 ,its ,sup]natural ,"*4 #a4 ,hav+ spok5 ( ! toilsome ef=ts & ( ! /r5g? requir$ = wat]+ ! g>d5 :5 we h to draw ! wat] out ( ! well1 let u n[ speak ( ! second mann] ( draw+ ! wat]1 :i* ! ,"l ( ! v9ey>d has orda9$2 ( ! ma*9e ( :eel & buckets :]eby ! g>d5] may draw m wat] ) less lab\r1 & be able to take "s re/ )\t be+ cont9ually at "w4 ,?is1 !n1 is :at ,i am n[ go+ to describe2 & ,i apply x to ! pray] call$ ! pray] ( quiet4 #b4 ,h]e9 ! s\l beg9s to be recollect$2 x is n[ t\*+ on ! sup]natural--= x nev] c\ld by any ef=ts ( its own atta9 to ?is4 ,true1 x seems at times to h be5 we>i$ at ! :eel1 lab\r+ ) ! und]/&+1 & fill+ ! buckets2 b 9 ?is second degree ! wat] is high]1 & accord+ly ! lab\r is mu* less ?an x 0 :5 ! wat] _h to be drawn up out ( ! well2 ,i mean1 t ! wat] is ne>] to x1 = grace reveals itself m di/9ctly to ! s\l4 #c4 ,?is is a ga!r+ toge!r ( ! faculties ( ! s\l )9 itself1 9 ord] t x may h ! fruition ( t cont5tm5t 9 great] sweetness2 b ! faculties are n lo/1 nei!r are !y asleep3 ! w alone is occupi$ 9 su* a way t1 )\t kn[+ h[ x has become a captive1 x gives a simple cons5t to become ! prison] ( ,god2 = x kn[s well :at is to be ! captive ( ,him x loves4 ,o my ,jesus & my ,"l1 h[ press+ n[ is ,?y love6 #a ,x b9ds our love 9 bonds s /raitly1 t x is n 9 its p[] at ?is mom5t to love any?+ else b ,!e4 #d4 ,! o!r two faculties help ! w1 t x may r5d] itself capable ( ! fruition ( s great a good2 nev]!less1 x occasionally happ5s1 ev5 :5 ! w is 9 union1 t !y h9d] x v mu*3 b !n x %\ld nev] he$ !m at all1 simply abid+ 9 its fruition & quiet4 #b ,= if x tri$ to make !m recollect$1 x w\ld miss its way toge!r ) !m1 because !y are at ?is "t l doves :i* are n satisfi$ ) ! food ! ma/] ( ! dovecot gives !m )\t any lab\r+ = x on _! "p1 & :i* g =? 9 que/ ( x else:]e1 & s h>dly f9d x t !y come back4 ,& s ! memory & ! und]/&+ come & g1 seek+ :e!r ! w is go+ to give !m t into ! fruition ( :i* x has ent]$ itself4 #e4 ,if x be our ,"l's pleasure to ?r[ !m any food1 !y /op2 if n1 !y g aga9 to seek x4 ,!y mu/ be ?9k+ t !y are ( "s s]vice to ! w2 & n[ & !n ! memory or ! imag9ation1 seek+ to repres5t to x t ( :i* x has ! fruition1 does x h>m4 ,! w1 !re=e1 %\ld be c>eful to deal ) !m z ,i %all expla94 ,ev]y?+ t takes place n[ 9 ?is /ate br+s ! v greate/ consolation2 & ! lab\r is s slight1 t pray]1 ev5 if p]sev]$ 9 = "s "t1 is nev] we>isome4 ,! reason is1 t ! und]/&+ is n[ work+ v g5tly1 & is draw+ v mu* m wat] ?an x drew out ( ! well4 ,! te>s1 :i* ,god n[ s5ds1 fl[ ) joy2 ?\gh we feel !m1 !y are n ! result ( any ef=ts ( our own4 #f4 ,?is wat] ( gr& bless+s & graces1 :i* our ,"l n[ supplies1 makes ! virtues ?rive mu* m1 beyond all comp>ison1 ?an !y did 9 ! previ\s /ate ( pray]2 = ! s\l is already asc5d+ out ( its wret*$ /ate1 & "s little k ( ! blissfulness ( glory is communicat$ to x4 ,?is1 ,i believe1 is x t makes ! virtues gr[ ! m1 & also to draw ne>] to ess5tial virtue1 ,god ,himself1 f ,:om all virtues proce$2 = ,8 ,maje/y has begun to communicate ,himself to ?is s\l1 & w h x feel h[ ,he is communicat+ ,himself4 #g4 ,z soon z ! s\l has arriv$ ?us f>1 x beg9s to lose ! desire ( e>?ly ?+s1 #c & no wond]2 = x sees cle>ly t1 ev5 = a mom5t1 ?is joy is n to be _h on e>?2 t !re are no ri*es1 no dom9ion1 no hon\rs1 no delights1 t c = "o in/ant1 ev5 = ! tw9kl+ ( an eye1 m9i/] su* a joy2 = x is a true satisfaction1 & ! s\l sees t x really does satisfy4 ,n[1 we :o are on e>?1 z x seems to me1 sc>cely ev] und]/& :]e9 our satisfaction lies1 = x is always liable to disappo9tm5t2 b 9 ?is1 at t "t1 !re is none3 ! disappo9tm5t come? aft]w>ds1 :5 ! s\l sees t all is ov]1 & t x has no p[] to recov] x1 nei!r does x "k h[2 = if x cut itself 9 pieces by p5ance & pray]1 & e o!r k9d ( au/]ities1 all w\ld be ( little use1 if our ,"l did n grant x4 ,god1 9 ,8 great m]cy1 w h ! s\l compreh5d t ,8 ,maje/y is s ne> to x1 t x ne$ n s5d mess5g]s to ,him1 b may speak to ,him itself1 & n ) a l\d cry+1 because s ne> is ,he already1 t ,he und]/&s ev5 ! movem5ts ( its lips4 #h4 ,x seems absurd to say ?is1 see+ t we "k t ,god und]/&s u always1 & is pres5t ) u4 ,x is s1 & !re c be no d\bt ( x2 b our ,emp]or & ,"l w h u n[ und]/& t ,he und]/&s u2 & also h u und]/& :at ,8 pres5ce br+e? ab\t1 & t ,he means 9 a special way to beg9 a "w 9 ! s\l1 :i* is manife/$ 9 ! great joy1 inw>d & outw>d1 :i* ,he communicates1 & 9 ! diff]5ce !re is1 z ,i said j n[1 betwe5 ?is joy & delight & all ! joys ( e>?2 = ,he seems to be fill+ up ! void 9 our s\ls occasion$ by our s9s4 #i4 ,?is satisfaction lies 9 ! inn]mo/ "p ( ! s\l1 & ! s\l kn[s n :5ce1 nor h[1 x came1 v (t5 x kn[s n :at to d1 or wi%1 or pray =4 ,x seems to f9d all ?is at once1 & kn[e? n :at x ha? f\nd2 nor d ,i "k h[ to expla9 x1 because le>n+ is necess>y = _m ?+s4 ,"h1 inde$1 le>n+ w\ld be v mu* to ! purpose1 9 ord] to expla9 ! g5]al & p>ticul> helps ( grace2 = !re are _m :o "k no?+ ab\t !m4 ,le>n+ w\ld s]ve to %[ h[ our ,"l n[ w h ! s\l to see1 z x 71 ) ! nak$ eye1 z m5 speak1 ?is p>ticul> help ( grace1 & be also useful 9 _m o!r ways :]e9 ,i am likely to g a/ray4 ,b z :at ,i write is to be se5 by ^? :o h ! le>n+ to discov] :e!r ,i make mi/akes or n1 ,i g on )\t anxiety2 = ,i "k ,i ne$ h none :atev] ab\t ei!r ! lett] or ! _s1 because x is 9 _! p[] to :om x is to be s5t to d ) x z !y w3 !y w und]/& x1 & blot out :atev] may be amiss4 #aj4 ,i %\ld l !m to expla9 ?is1 because x is a pr9cipal po9t1 & because a s\l1 :5 our ,"l beg9s to be/[ ^! graces ^u x1 does n und]/& !m1 & does n "k :at to d ) itself2 = if ,god leads x by ! way ( fe>1 z ,he l$ me1 its trial w be heavy1 if !re be no "o :o und]/&s ! /ate x is 92 & to see itself z 9 a picture is a great com=t2 & !n x sees cle>ly t x is travell+ on t road4 ,! k ( :at x has to d is a great bless+ = x1 s t x may advance =w>ds 9 e "o ( ^! degrees ( pray]2 = ,i h suff]$ greatly1 & lo/ mu* "t1 because ,i did n "k :at to d2 & ,i am v sorry = ^? s\ls :o f9d !mselves alone :5 !y come to ?is /ate2 = ?\gh ,i read _m spiritual books1 :]e9 ?is v matt] is discuss$1 !y ?rew v little light ^u x4 ,& if x be n a s\l mu* ex]cis$ 9 pray]1 x w f9d x en\gh to und]/& its /ate1 be ! books ev] s cle>4 #aa4 ,i wi% mu* t our ,"l w\ld help me to describe ! effects on ! s\l ( ^! ?+s1 n[ t !y beg9 to be sup]natural1 s t m5 might "k by ^! effects :e!r !y come f ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,i mean1 kn[n z ?+s are kn[n "h bel[--?\gh x is always well to live 9 fe>1 & on our gu>d2 = ev5 if !y d come f ,god1 n[ & !n ! devil w be able to trans=m himself into an angel ( light2 #d & ! s\l1 if n exp]i5c$ h]e91 w n und]/& ! matt]2 & x mu/ h s mu* exp]i5ce = ! und]/&+ !re(1 t x is necess>y x %\ld h atta9$ to ! highe/ p]fection ( pray]4 #ab4 ,! little "t ,i h helps me b little1 & x is !re=e necess>y ,8 ,maje/y %\ld und]take x ,himself2 = ,i h to live 9 community1 & h v _m ?+s to employ me1 z ,i am 9 a h\se :i* is newly f\nd$--z w appe> h]eaft]2 #e & s ,i am writ+1 ) v _m int]ruptions1 by little & little at a "t4 ,i wi% ,i _h leisure2 = :5 our ,"l gives ! _s1 x is m easily & bett] done2 x is !n z ) a p]son work+ embroid]y ) ! patt]n be=e h]2 b if ! _s be want+1 !re is no m mean+ 9 ! words ?an 9 gibb]i%1 s to speak1 ?\gh _m ye>s may h be5 sp5t 9 pray]4 ,& ?us ,i ?9k x a v great advantage to be 9 ?is /ate ( pray] :5 ,i am writ+ ?is2 = ,i see cle>ly t x is n ,i :o speak1 nor is x ,i :o ) h] und]/&+ has arrang$ x2 & aft]w>ds ,i d n "k h[ ,i came to speak s accurately4 #f ,x has (t5 happ5$ to me ?us4 #ac4 ,let u n[ return to our or*>d1 or fl[]-g>d51 & behold n[ h[ ! trees beg9 to fill ) sap = ! br++ =? ( ! blossoms1 & !n ( ! fruit--! fl[]s & ! plants1 also1 _! fragrance4 ,?is illu/ration pleases me2 = v (t51 :5 ,i 0 beg9n+--& our ,"l grant t ,i h really begun to s]ve ,8 ,maje/y--,i mean1 begun 9 relation to :at ,i h to say ( my life1--x 0 to me a great joy to consid] my s\l z a g>d51 & our ,"l z walk+ 9 x4 ,i us$ to besee* ,him to increase ! fragrance ( ! little fl[]s ( virtues--:i* 7 beg9n+1 z x seem$ to bud--& pres]ve !m1 t !y might be to ,8 glory2 = ,i desir$ no?+ = myself4 ,i pray$ ,him to cut ^? ,he lik$1 because ,i already knew t !y w\ld gr[ ! bett]4 #ad4 ,i say cut2 = !re are times 9 :i* ! s\l has no recollection ( ?is g>d5--ev]y?+ seems p>*$1 & !re is no wat] to be _h = pres]v+ x--& 9 :i* x seems z if ! s\l _h nev] possess$ any virtue at all4 ,?is is ! season ( heavy trials2 = our ,"l w h ! poor g>d5] suppose all ! tr\ble he took 9 ma9ta9+ & wat]+ ! g>d5 to h be5 tak5 to no purpose4 ,!n is ! "t really = we$+ & root+ out e plant1 h[ev] small x may be1 t is wor?less1 9 ! k t no ef=ts ( ours are suffici5t1 if ,god )holds f u ! wat]s ( ,8 grace2 & 9 despis+ ourselves z be+ no?+1 & ev5 less ?an no?+4 ,9 ?is way we ga9 great humility--! fl[]s gr[ afre%4 #ae4 ,o my ,"l & my ,good6 ,i _c utt] ^! words )\t te>s1 & rejoic+ 9 my s\l2 = ,?\ wilt be ?us ) u1 & art ) u1 9 ! ,sacram5t4 ,we may believe s mo/ truly2 = s x is1 & ! comp>ison ,i make is a great tru?2 &1 if our s9s /& n 9 ! way1 we may rejoice 9 ,!e1 because ,?\ rejoice/ 9 u2 = ,?\ ha/ told u t ,?y delight is to be ) ! *ildr5 ( m54 #g ,o my ,"l1 :at does x mean8 ,:5ev] ,i he> ^! words1 !y always give me great consolation1 & did s ev5 :5 ,i 0 mo/ wick$4 #af4 ,is x possible1 #j ,"l1 t !re c be a s\l :i*1 aft] atta9+ to ?is /ate :]e9 ,?\ be/[e/ ^u x ! l graces & consolations1 & :]e9 x und]/&s t ,?\ delighte/ to be ) x1 c yet fall back & (f5d ,!e aft] s _m fav\rs1 & su* great demon/rations ( ! love ,?\ be>e/ x1 & ( :i* !re _c be any d\bt1 because ! effect ( x is s visible8 ,su* a s\l !re c]ta9ly is2 = ,i h done s1 n once1 b (t54 ,may x please ,?y goodness1 ,o ,"l1 t ,i may be alone 9 my +ratitude--! only "o :o has committ$ s great an iniquity1 & ^: +ratitude has be5 s immeasurable6 ,b ev5 out ( my +ratitude ,?9e inf9ite goodness has br\ght =? "s good2 & ! great] my wick$ness1 ! great] ! spl5d\r ( ! great m]cy ( ,?y compassions4 ,oh1 :at reasons h ,i to magnify !m = ev]6 #ag4 ,may x be s1 ,i besee* ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 & may ,i s+ ( !m = ev]1 n[ t ,?\ ha/ be5 pleas$ to %[ m]cies s great unto me t !y :o see !m are a/oni%$1 m]cies :i* draw me out ( myself cont9ually1 t ,i may praise ,!e m & m6 =1 rema9+ 9 myself1 )\t ,!e1 ,i c\ld d no?+1 ,o my ,"l1 b be z ! )]$ fl[]s ( ! g>d52 s t ?is mis]able e>? ( m9e becomes a heap ( refuse1 z x 0 be=e4 ,let x n be s1 ,o ,"l6--let n a s\l :i* ,?\ ha/ pur*as$ ) s _m lab\rs be lo/1 "o :i* ,?\ ha/ s (t5 ransom$ anew1 & deliv]$ f betwe5 ! tee? ( ! hide\s dragon6 #ah4 ,y1 my fa!r1 mu/ =give me = w&]+ f ! subject2 &1 z ,i am speak+ to ! purpose ,i h 9 view1 y mu/ n be surpris$4 ,:at ,i write is :at my s\l has und]/ood2 & x is v (t5 h>d en\gh to ab/a9 f ! praises ( ,god :51 9 ! c\rse ( writ+1 ! great debt ,i owe ,him pres5ts itself be=e me4 ,nor d ,i ?9k t x c be disagreeable to y2 because bo? ( u1 ,i believe1 may s+ ! same song1 ?\gh 9 a diff]5t way2 = my debt is mu* ! great]1 see+ t ,god has =giv5 me m1 z y1 my fa!r1 "k4 #a4 #b ,cor4 v4 #ad3 ,*>itas enim ,*ri/i urget nos4 #b4 ,see *4 xvii4 #ab2 ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 liii41 b xxxi4 ( ! old editions4 #c4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #ab4 #d4 #b ,cor4 xi4 #ad3 ,ipse enim ,satanas transfigurat se 9 angelum lucis4 #e4 ,see *4 x4 #aa4 ,z t passage ref]s probably to ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ?is mu/ ref] to t ( ,/4 ,joseph1 newly f\nd$ 9 ,avila2 = t ( ! ,inc>nation 0 f\nd$ a %ort "t be=e ! ,sa9t 0 born2 & %e c\ld h>dly say ( x1 n[ t %e 0 at lea/ 9 h] =ty-sev5? ye>1 t x 0 newly f\nd$4 ,! h\se1 h[ev]1 0 poor2 = %e says1 *4 xxxii4 #ab1 t ! nuns occasionally quitt$ ! mona/]y = a "t1 because ( its pov]ty4 #f4 ,see *4 xviii4 #aj4 ,9 ! second ,report ( ! ,rota1 p4 #dgg--quot$ by ,b5$ict ,,xiv41 ,de ,canoniz4 iii4 #bf1 n4 #ab1 & by ! ,boll&i/s 9 ! ,acta1 #acae--we h ^! words1 & !y ?r[ great light on ! text3 ,sunt et alli te/es de visu affirmantes quod qu&o beata ,t]esa scribebat libros1 facies ejus respl5debat4 ,9 ! in=mation tak5 9 ,granada1 ! ,"m ,anne ( ! ,inc>nation says %e saw ! ,sa9t "o night1 :ile writ+ ! ,=tress ( ! ,s\l1 ) h] face %9+2 & ,m>y ( ,/4 ,francis deposes to ! same effect 9 ! in=mations tak5 9 ,m$9a 7,de la ,fu5te1 vol4 ii4 pp4 #chi1 #cib74 #g4 ,prov4 viii4 #ca3 ,delici me esse cum filiis hom9um4 ,*apt] ,,xv4 ,in/ructions = ,^? ,:o ,h ,atta9$ to ! ,pray] ( ,quiet4 ,_m ,advance ,s ,f>1 b ,few ,g ,f>!r4 #a4 ,let u n[ g back to ! subject4 ,?is quiet & recollection ( ! s\l makes itself 9 great measure felt 9 ! satisfaction & peace1 att5d$ ) v great joy & repose ( ! faculties1 & mo/ sweet delight1 :]e9 ! s\l is e/abli%$4 #a ,x ?9ks1 because x has n gone beyond x1 t !re is no?+ fur!r to wi% =1 b t its abode might be !re1 & x w\ld will+ly say s ) ,/4 ,pet]4 #b ,x d>es n move nor /ir1 because x ?9ks t ?is bless+ x has receiv$ mu/ !n escape out ( its h&s2 n[ & !n1 x c\ld wi% x did n ev5 brea!4 #c ,! poor little s\l is n aw>e t1 z ( itself x c\ld d no?+ to draw d[n ?is bless+ on itself1 x is /ill less able to reta9 x a mom5t long] ?an our ,"l wills x %\ld rema94 #b4 ,i h already said t1 9 ! prior recollection & quiet1 #d !re is no failure ( ! p[]s ( ! s\l2 b ! s\l is s satisfi$ 9 ,god t1 al?\gh two ( its p[]s be di/ract$1 yet1 :ile ! recollection la/s1 z ! w abides 9 union ) ,god1 s its peace & quiet are n di/urb$2 on ! contr>y1 ! w by degrees br+s ! und]/&+ & ! memory back aga92 = ?\gh ! w is n yet altoge!r absorb$1 x cont9ues /ill occupi$ )\t kn[+ h[1 s t1 not)/&+ all ! ef=ts ( ! memory & ! und]/&+1 !y _c rob x ( its delight & joy #e--yea1 r1 x helps )\t any lab\r at all to keep ?is little sp>k ( ! love ( ,god f be+ qu5*$4 #c4 ,oh1 t ,8 ,maje/y w\ld be graci\s unto me1 & enable me to give a cle> acc\nt ( ! matt]2 = _m are ! s\ls :o atta9 to ?is /ate1 & few are !y :o g f>!r3 & ,i "k n :o is 9 fault2 mo/ c]ta9ly x is n ,god2 = :5 ,8 ,maje/y %[s m]cy unto a s\l1 s t x advances s f>1 ,i believe t ,he w n fail to be m m]ciful /ill1 if !re be no %ortcom+s on our "p4 #d4 ,& x is ( great importance = ! s\l t has advanc$ s f> z ?is to und]/& ! great dignity ( its /ate1 ! great grace giv5 x by our ,"l1 & h[ 9 all reason x %\ld n belong to e>?2 because ,he1 ( ,8 goodness1 seems to make x "h a d5iz5 ( heav51 unless x be itself 9 fault4 ,& mis]able w t s\l be if x turns back2 x w g d[n1 ,i ?9k s1 ev5 to ! abyss1 z ,i 0 go+ myself1 if ! m]cy ( our ,"l _h n br\ght me back2 because1 = ! mo/ "p1 x mu/ be ! effect ( grave faults--t is my op9ion3 nor is x possible to =sake s great a good o!rwise ?an ?r\gh ! bl9dness occasion$ by mu* evil4 #e4 ,!re=e1 = ! love ( our ,"l1 ,i implore ^? s\ls to :om ,8 ,maje/y has giv5 s great a grace--! atta9m5t ( ?is /ate--to "k & make mu* ( !mselves1 ) a humble & holy presumption1 9 ord] t !y may nev] return to ! fle%-pots ( ,egypt4 ,& if ?r\gh weakness & wick$ness1 & a mean & wret*$ nature1 !y %\ld fall1 z ,i did1 let !m always keep 9 m9d ! good !y h lo/2 let !m suspect & fe>--!y h reason to d s--t1 if !y d n resume _! pray]1 !y may g on f bad to worse4 ,i call t a real fall :i* makes u hate ! way by :i* s great a good 0 obta9$4 ,i address myself to ^? s\ls2 b ,i am n say+ t !y w nev] (f5d ,god1 nor fall into s91--?\gh !re are good reasons :y ^? :o h receiv$ ^! graces %\ld keep !mselves c>efully f s92 b we are mis]able creatures4 ,:at ,i e>ne/ly advise is ?is3 let !re be no giv+ up ( pray]2 x is by pray] !y w und]/& :at !y are do+1 & obta9 f our ,"l ! grace to rep5t1 & /r5g? to rise aga92 !y mu/ believe & believe aga9 t1 if !y cease f pray+1 !y run--s ,i ?9k--into dang]4 ,i "k n if ,i und]/& :at ,i am say+2 =1 z ,i said be=e1 ,i measure o!rs by myself4 #f #f4 ,! pray] ( quiet1 !n1 is a little sp>k ( ! true love ( ,himself1 :i* our ,"l beg9s to enk9dle 9 ! s\l2 & ,8 w is1 t ! s\l %\ld und]/& :at ?is love is by ! joy x br+s4 ,?is quiet & recollection & little sp>k1 if x is ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 & n a sweetness suppli$ by ,satan1 or br\ght ab\t by ourselves1 produces great results4 ,a p]son ( exp]i5ce1 h[ev]1 _c possibly fail to und]/& at once t x is n a ?+ t c be acquir$1 7 x n t our nature is s gre$y ( sweetness1 t x seeks = x 9 e way4 ,b x becomes cold v soon2 =1 h[ev] mu* we try to make ! fire burn1 9 ord] to obta9 ?is sweetness1 x does n appe> t we d any?+ else b ?r[ wat] on x1 to put x out4 ,?is sp>k1 !n1 giv5 ( ,god1 h[ev] slight x may be1 causes a great crackl+2 & if m5 d n qu5* x by _! faults1 x is ! beg9n+ ( ! great fire1 :i* s5ds =?--,i %all speak ( x 9 ! prop] place #g--! flames ( t mo/ vehem5t love ( ,god :i* ,8 ,maje/y w h p]fect s\ls to possess4 #g4 ,?is little sp>k is a sign or pl$ge :i* ,god gives to a s\l1 9 tok5 ( ,8 hav+ *os5 x = great ?+s1 if x w prep>e to receive !m4 ,x is a great gift1 mu* too great = me to be able to speak ( x4 ,x is a great sorr[ to me2 because1 z ,i said be=e1 #h ,i "k t _m s\ls come ?us f>1 & t ^? :o g f>!r1 z !y ought to g1 are s few1 t ,i am a%am$ to say x4 ,i d n mean t !y are absolutely few3 !re mu/ be _m1 because ,god is pati5t ) u1 = "s reasons2 ,i speak ( :at ,i h se54 #h4 ,i %\ld l mu* to recomm5d ^! s\ls to take c>e t !y d n hide _! tal5t2 = x may be t ,god has *os5 !m to be ! edification ( _m o!rs1 especially 9 ^! days1 :5 ! fri5ds ( ,god %\ld be /rong1 9 ord] t !y may support ! weak4 ,^? :o disc]n 9 !mselves ?is grace1 mu/ look ^u !mselves z su* fri5ds1 if !y w\ld fulfil ! law :i* ev5 ! hon\rable fri5d%ip ( ! _w respects2 if n1 z ,i said j n[1 #i let !m fe> & tremble1 le/ !y %\ld be do+ mis*ief to !mselves--& ,god grant x be to !mselves only6 #i4 ,:at ! s\l has to d at ^? seasons :]e9 x is rais$ to ! pray] ( quiet is no?+ m ?an to be g5tle & )\t noise4 ,by noise1 ,i mean go+ ab\t ) ! und]/&+ 9 se>* ( words & reflections :]eby to give ,god ?anks = ?is grace1 & heap+ up its s9s & imp]fections toge!r to %[ t x does n des]ve x4 ,all ?is commotion takes place n[1 & ! und]/&+ comes =w>d1 & ! memory is re/less1 & c]ta9ly to me ^! p[]s br+ mu* we>9ess at times2 =1 ?\gh my memory is n /rong1 ,i _c control x4 ,let ! w quietly & wisely und]/& t x is n by d9t ( lab\r on our "p t we c conv]se to any good purpose ) ,god1 & t our own ef=ts are only great logs ( wood1 laid on )\t discretion to qu5* ?is little sp>k2 & let x confess ?is1 & 9 humility say1 ,o ,"l1 :at c ,i d "h8 :at has ! s]vant to d ) h] ,"l1 & e>? ) heav58 or words ( love t sugge/ !mselves n[1 firmly gr\nd$ 9 ! conviction t :at x says is tru?2 & let x make no acc\nt ( ! und]/&+1 :i* is simply tiresome4 #aj4 ,& if ! w wi%es to communicate to ! und]/&+ any portion ( t ! fruition ( :i* itself has ent]$ on1 or if x lab\rs to make ! und]/&+ recollect$1 x %all n succe$2 = x w (t5 happ5 t ! w is 9 union & at re/1 :ile ! und]/&+ is 9 extreme disord]4 ,x is bett] = x to leave x alone1 & n to run aft] x--,i am speak+ ( ! w2 = ! w %\ld abide 9 ! fruition ( t grace1 recollect$ itself1 l ! prud5t bee2 = if no bees ent]$ ! hive1 & ea* ( !m w&]$ abroad 9 se>* ( ! re/1 ! honey w\ld h>dly be made4 ,9 ! same way1 ! s\l w lose mu* if x be n c>eful n[1 especially if ! und]/&+ be acute2 = :5 x beg9s to make reflections & se>* = reasons1 x w ?9k at once t x is do+ some?+ if its reasons & reflections are good4 #aa4 ,! only reason t ought to be admitt$ n[ is to und]/& cle>ly t !re is no reason :atev]1 except ,8 m]e goodness1 :y ,god %\ld grant u s great a grace1 & to be aw>e t we are s ne> ,him1 & to pray to ,8 ,maje/y = m]cies1 to make int]cession = ! ,*ur*1 = ^? :o _h be5 recomm5d$ to u1 & = ! s\ls 9 purgatory1--n1 h[ev]1 ) noise ( words1 b ) a he>tfelt desire to be he>d4 ,?is is a pray] t conta9s mu*1 & by x m is obta9$ ?an by _m reflections ( ! und]/&+4 ,let ! w /ir up "s ( ^? reasons1 :i* proce$ f reason itself1 to quick5 its love1 su* z ! fact ( its be+ 9 a bett] /ate1 & let x make c]ta9 acts ( love1 z :at x w d = ,him to :om x owes s mu*1--& t1 z ,i said j n[1 )\t any noise ( ! und]/&+1 9 ! se>* aft] pr(\nd reflections4 ,a little /raw1--& x w be less ?an /raw1 if we br+ x ourselves1--laid on ) humility1 w be m effectual "h1 & w help to k9dle a fire m ?an _m fagots ( mo/ le>n$ reasons1 :i*1 9 my op9ion1 w put x out 9 a mom5t4 #ab4 ,?is is good = ^? le>n$ m5 :o h comm&$ me to write1 #aj & :o all1 by ! goodness ( ,god1 h come to ?is /ate2 = x may be t !y sp5d ! "t 9 mak+ applications ( passages ( ! ,scriptures4 ,& ?\gh le>n+ c\ld n fail to be ( great use to !m1 bo? be=e & aft] pray]1 /ill1 9 ! v "t ( pray] itself1 !re is little necessity = x1 9 my op9ion1 unless x be = ! purpose ( mak+ ! w tepid2 = ! und]/&+ !n1 because ( its ne>ness to ! light1 is itself illum9at$2 s t ev5 ,i1 :o am :at ,i am1 seem to be a diff]5t p]son4 ,& s x is2 = x has happ5$ to me1 :o sc>cely und]/& a ^w ( :at ,i read 9 ,lat91 & specially 9 ! ,psalms1 :5 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 n only to und]/& ! ,lat9 z if x 7 ,spani%1 b1 /ill m1 to take a delight 9 dwell+ on ! mean+ ( t ,i knew ?r\gh ! ,spani%4 ,we mu/ make an exception3 if ^! le>n$ m5 h to prea* or to tea*1 !y w d well to take advantage ( _! le>n+1 t !y may help poor p ( little le>n+1 ( :om ,i am "o4 ,*>ity is a great ?+2 & s always is m9i/]+ unto s\ls1 :5 done simply = ,god4 #ac4 ,s1 !n1 :5 ! s\l is 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 let x repose 9 its re/--let le>n+ be put on "o side4 ,! "t w come :5 !y may make use ( x 9 ! s]vice ( our ,"l--:5 !y t possess x w appreciate x s highly z to be glad t !y _h n neglect$ x ev5 = all ! treasures ( ! _w1 simply because x enables !m to s]ve ,8 ,maje/y2 = x is a great help4 ,b 9 ! eyes ( ,inf9ite ,wisdom1 believe me1 a little /riv+ aft] humility1 & a s+le act !re(1 are wor? m ?an all ! sci5ce 9 ! _w4 ,?is is n ! "t = discuss+1 b = und]/&+ pla9ly :at we are1 & pres5t+ ourselves 9 simplicity be=e ,god1 :o w h ! s\l make itself z a fool--z1 inde$1 x is--9 ,8 pres5ce1 see+ t ,8 ,maje/y s humbles ,himself z to suff] x to be ne> ,him1 we be+ :at we are4 #ad4 ,moreov]1 ! und]/&+ be/irs itself to make its ?anksgiv+ 9 phrases well arrang$2 b ! w1 9 peace1 n d>+ to lift up its eyes ) ! publican1 #aa makes p]haps a bett] act ( ?anksgiv+ ?an ! und]/&+1 ) all ! tropes ( its rhetoric4 ,9 a ^w1 m5tal pray] is n to be ab&on$ altoge!r n[1 nor ev5 vocal pray]1 if at any "t we wi%1 or c1 to make use ( ei!r ( !m2 = if ! /ate ( quiet be pr(\nd1 x becomes difficult to speak1 & x c be done only ) great pa94 #ae4 ,i believe myself t we "k :e!r ?is proce$s f ! ,_s ( ,god1 or is br\ght ab\t by endeav\rs ( our own1 9 ! comm5cem5t ( devotion :i* ,god gives2 & we seek ( ourselves1 z ,i said be=e1 #ab to pass onw>ds to ?is quiet ( ! w4 ,!n1 no effect :atev] is produc$2 x is quickly ov]1 & aridity is ! result4 ,if x comes f ,satan1 ! practis$ s\l1 9 my op9ion1 w detect x1 because x leaves tr\ble beh9d1 & scant humility & poor dispositions = ^? effects :i* are wr\ght if x comes f ,god2 x leaves nei!r light 9 ! und]/&+ nor /ead9ess 9 ! tru?4 #ac #af4 ,"h ,satan c d little or no h>m1 if ! s\l directs unto ,god ! joy & sweetness x !n feels2 & if x fixes ! ?\ghts & desires on ,him1 accord+ to ! advice already giv51 ! devil c ga9 no?+ :atev]--on ! contr>y1 by ! p]mission ( ,god1 he w lose mu* by t v joy :i* he causes 9 ! s\l1 because t joy w help ! s\l1 inasmu* z x ?9ks ! joy comes f ,god1 to betake itself (t5 to pray] 9 its desire = x4 ,& if ! s\l is humble1 indiff]5t to1 & deta*$ f1 all joy1 h[ev] spiritual1 & if x loves ! cross1 x w make no acc\nt ( ! sweetness :i* ,satan s5ds4 ,b x _c s deal ) t :i* comes f ! ,_s ( ,god2 ( t x w make mu*4 ,n[1 :5 ,satan s5ds x1 z he is no?+ b a lie1 & :5 he sees t ! s\l humbles itself ?r\gh t joy & sweetness--& "h1 9 all ?+s relat+ to pray] & sweetness1 we mu/ be v c>eful to endeav\r to make ourselves humble1--,satan w n (t5 repeat 8 "w1 :5 he sees t he loses by x4 #ag4 ,= ?is & = _m o!r reasons1 :5 ,i 0 speak+ ( ! fir/ degree ( pray]1 & ( ! fir/ me?od ( draw+ ! wat]1 #ad ,i insi/$ ^u x t ! great affair ( s\ls is1 :5 !y beg9 to pray1 to beg9 also to deta* !mselves f e k9d ( joy1 & to ent] on x resolv$ only on help+ to c>ry ! cross ( ,*ri/ l good soldi]s1 will+ to s]ve _! ,k+ )\t pres5t pay1 because !y are sure ( x at la/1 hav+ _! eyes direct$ to ! true & ev]la/+ k+dom at ! conque/ ( :i* we are aim+4 #ah4 ,x is a v great matt] to h ?is always be=e our eyes1 especially 9 ! beg9n+2 aft]w>ds1 x becomes s cle>1 t x is r a matt] ( necessity to =get x1 9 ord] to live on4 ,n[1 lab\r+ to keep 9 m9d t all ?+s "h bel[ are ( %ort duration1 t !y are all no?+1 t ! re/ we h "h is to be acc\nt$ z none1--all ?is1 ,i say1 seems to be exce$+ly l[2 & s1 inde$1 x is1--because ^? :o h gone on to great] p]fection w\ld look ^u x z a reproa*1 & be a%am$ ( !mselves1 if !y ?\ght t !y 7 giv+ up ! goods ( ?is _w because !y are p]i%able1 or t !y w\ld n be glad to give !m up = ,god--ev5 if !y 7 to la/ = ev]4 ,! great] ! p]fection ( ^! p]sons1 ! great] _! joy1 & ! great] also w\ld t joy be if ! duration ( ^! worldly goods 7 great]4 #ai4 ,9 ^! p]sons1 ?us f> advanc$1 love is already gr[n1 & love is t :i* does ?is "w4 ,b z to beg9n]s1 to !m x is ( ! utmo/ importance1 & !y mu/ n reg>d ?is consid]ation z unbecom+1 = ! bless+s to be ga9$ are great1--& t is :y ,i recomm5d x s mu* to !m2 = !y w h ne$ ( x--ev5 ^? :o h atta9$ to great heights ( pray]--at c]ta9 times1 :5 ,god w try !m1 & :5 ,8 ,maje/y seems to h =sak5 !m4 #bj4 ,i h said z mu* already1 & ,i w\ld n h x =gott51 #ae 9 ?is our life on e>?1 ! gr[? ( ! s\l is n l t ( ! body4 ,we1 h[ev]1 s speak ( x--&1 9 tru?1 x does gr[4 ,a y\? t is gr[n up1 ^: body is =m$1 & :o is become a man1 does n ungr[1 nor does 8 body less5 9 size2 b z to ! s\l1 x s is by our ,"l's w1 s f> z ,i h se5 x 9 my own exp]i5ce1--b ,i "k no?+ ( x 9 any o!r way4 ,x mu/ be 9 ord] to humble u = our great] good1 & to keep u f be+ c>eless dur+ our exile2 see+ t he :o has asc5d$ ! high] has ! m reason to be afraid1 & to be less confid5t 9 himself4 ,a "t may come :5 !y ^: w is s wrapt up 9 ! w ( ,god--& :o1 r ?an fall into a s+le imp]fection1 w\ld und]go torture & suff] a ?\s& dea?s--w f9d x necess>y1 if !y w\ld be deliv]$ f (f5d+ ,god1 & f ! commission ( s91 to make use ( ! fir/ arm\r ( pray]1 to call to m9d h[ ev]y?+ is com+ to an end1 t !re is a heav5 & a hell1 & to make use ( o!r reflections ( t nature1 :5 !y f9d !mselves assail$ by temptations & p]secutions4 #ba4 ,let u g back to :at ,i 0 say+4 ,! great s\rce ( our deliv]ance f ! cunn+ devices & ! sweetness :i* ,satan s5ds is to beg9 ) a resolution to walk 9 ! way ( ! ,cross f ! v fir/1 & n to desire any sweetness at all1 see+ t our ,"l ,himself has po9t$ out to u ! way ( p]fection1 say+1 ,take up ?y cross & foll[ ,me4 #af ,he is our example2 & :osoev] foll[s ,8 c\nsels only to please ,him has no?+ to fe>4 ,9 ! improvem5t :i* !y detect 9 !mselves1 !y :o d s w see t ?is is no "w ( ,satan & if !y fall1 !y h a sign ( ! pres5ce ( our ,"l 9 _! ris+ aga9 at once4 ,!y h o!r signs1 also1 ( :i* ,i am go+ to speak4 #bb4 ,:5 x is ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 !re is no necessity = go+ ab\t se>*+ = reasons1 on ! /r5g? ( :i* we may elicit acts ( humility & ( %ame1 because our ,"l ,himself supplies !m 9 a way v diff]5t f t by :i* we c\ld acquire !m by our own poor reflections1 :i* are z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) t real humility aris+ out ( ! light :i* our ,"l "h gives u1 & :i* begets a confusion ( face t undoes u4 ,! k ) :i* ,god supplies u1 9 ord] t we may "k t ( ourselves we h no good 9 u1 is p]fectly appreh5d$--& ! m p]fectly1 ! great] ! graces4 ,x fills u ) a great desire ( advanc+ 9 pray]1 & ( nev] giv+ x up1 :atev] tr\bles may arise4 ,! s\l (f]s to suff] ev]y?+4 ,a c]ta9 security1 jo9$ ) humility & fe> conc]n+ our salvation1 ca/s out s]vile fe> at once f ! s\l1 & 9 its place plants a loyal fe> #ag ( m p]fect gr[?4 #ah ,!re is a visible beg9n+ ( a love ( ,god1 utt]ly dive/$ ( all self-int]e/1 toge!r ) a long+ aft] seasons ( solitude1 9 ord] to obta9 a great] fruition ( ?is good4 #bc4 ,9 %ort1 n to we>y myself1 x is ! beg9n+ ( all good2 ! fl[]s h s ?riv51 t !y are on ! po9t ( budd+4 ,& ?is ! s\l sees mo/ cle>ly1 & x is impossible to p]suade x n[ t ,god 0 n ) x1 till x turns back ^u itself1 & beholds its own fail+s & imp]fections4 ,!n x fe>s = ev]y?+2 & x is well x %\ld d s--?\gh !re are s\ls :om ! c]ta9 conviction t ,god is ) !m b5efits m ?an all ! fe> !y may ev] h4 ,if a s\l love greatly1 & is ?ankful naturally1 ! remembrance ( ! m]cies ( ,god makes x turn to ,him m effectually ?an all ! *a/isem5ts ( hell x c ev] picture to itself--at lea/1 x 0 s ) me1 ?\gh ,i am s wick$4 #bd4 ,z ,i %all speak at great] l5g? ( ! signs ( a good _s #ai--;x has co/ me mu* lab\r to be cle> ab\t !m--,i d n treat ( !m "h4 ,i believe1 too1 t1 ) ! help ( ,god1 ,i %all be able to speak some:at to ! po9t1 because--sett+ aside ! exp]i5ce ,i h _h1 & by :i* ,i le>n$ mu*--,i h _h ! help ( "s mo/ le>n$ m5 & p]sons ( great hol9ess1 :om we may reasonably believe 9 ! matt]4 ,s\ls1 !re=e1 are n to we>y !mselves s mu* z ,i did1 :51 by ! goodness ( our ,"l1 !y may h come to ?is /ate4 #a4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 liii41 b *4 xxxii ( ! old edition4 #b4 ,/4 ,matt4 xvii4 #d3 ,bonum e/ nos hic esse4 #c4 ,see *4 xvii4 #f4 #d4 ,*4 x4 #a4 #e4 ,*4 xiv4 #c1 #d4 #f4 ,*4 x4 #i4 #g4 ,*4 xviii4 #d1 & *4 xxi4 #i4 #h4 #c4 #i4 #e4 #aj4 ,*4 x4 #a4 #aa4 ,/4 ,luke xviii4 #ac3 ,nolebat nec oculos ad coelum lev>e4 #ab4 ,*4 xii4 #e4 #ac4 ,firmeza en la v]dad4 ,francisco de ,/4 ,?oma1 9 8 ,m$ulla ,my/ica1 p4 #bjd1 quot+ ?is passage1 has1 firmeza en la voluntad4 ,philip a ,,ss4 ,tr9itate1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic4 p4 #ced1 & 8 ,abbreviator1 ,anton4 a ,sp4 ,sancto1 ,direct4 ,my/ic4 tr4 iv4 disp4 i4 #aa1 n4 #id1 seem also to h pref]r$ voluntad to v]dad2 = ! words !y use are1 nec intellectui lux nec voluntati firmitas2 &1 defectus lucis 9 intellectu1 et firmitatis 9 voluntate4 #ad4 ,*4 xi4 #af4 #ae4 ,*4 xiii4 #bc4 #af4 ,/4 ,matt4 xvi4 #bd3 ,tollat crucem suam et sequatur ,me4 #ag4 ,fiel temor4 ,9 ! previ\s editions x 0 filial4 #ah4 ,*4 xi4 #a4 #ai4 ,see *4 xxv4 ,*apt] ,,xvi4 ,! ,?ird ,/ate ( ,pray]4 ,deep ,matt]s4 ,:at ! ,s\l ,c ,d ,t ,has ,rea*$ ,x4 ,effects ( ! ,great ,graces ( ,our ,"l4 #a4 ,let u n[ speak ( ! ?ird wat] :]e) ?is g>d5 is wat]$1--wat] runn+ f a riv] or f a brook1--:]eby ! g>d5 is wat]$ ) v mu* less tr\ble1 al?\gh !re is "s 9 direct+ ! wat]4 #a ,9 ?is /ate our ,"l w help ! g>d5]1 & 9 su* a way z to be1 z x 71 ! ,g>d5] ,himself1 do+ all ! "w4 ,x is a sleep ( ! p[]s ( ! s\l1 :i* are n :olly lo/1 nor yet und]/&+ h[ !y are at "w4 ,! pleasure1 sweetness1 & delight are incomp>ably great] ?an 9 ! =m] /ate ( pray]2 & ! reason is1 t ! wat]s ( grace h ris5 up to ! neck ( ! s\l1 s t x c nei!r advance nor retreat--nor does x "k h[ to d s2 x seeks only ! fruition ( exce$+ bliss4 ,x is l a dy+ man ) ! c&le 9 8 h&1 on ! po9t ( dy+ ! dea? desir$4 ,x is rejoic+ 9 ?is agony ) unutt]able joy2 to me x seems to be no?+ else b a dea?1 z x 71 to all ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 & a fruition ( ,god4 ,i "k ( no o!r words :]eby to describe x or to expla9 x2 nei!r does ! s\l !n "k :at to d1--= x kn[s n :e!r to speak or be sil5t1 :e!r x %\ld laugh or weep4 ,x is a glori\s folly1 a heav5ly madness1 :]e9 true wisdom is acquir$2 & to ! s\l a k9d ( fruition mo/ full ( delight4 #b #b4 ,x is n[ "s five or six ye>s1 ,i believe1 s9ce our ,"l rais$ me to ?is /ate ( pray]1 9 its fulness1 & t m ?an once1--& ,i nev] und]/ood x1 & nev] c\ld expla9 x2 & s ,i 0 resolv$1 :5 ,i %\ld come ?us f> 9 my /ory1 to say v little or no?+ at all4 ,i knew well en\gh t x 0 n altoge!r ! union ( all ! faculties1 & yet mo/ c]ta9ly x 0 high] ?an ! previ\s /ate ( pray]2 b ,i confess t ,i c\ld n det]m9e & und]/& ! diff]5ce4 #c4 ,! humility ( y\r rev]5ce1 will+ to be help$ by a simplicity s great z m9e1 has be5 ! cause1 ,i believe1 :y our ,"l1 to-day1 aft] ,communion1 admitt$ me to ?is /ate ( pray]1 )\t ! p[] ( go+ fur!r1 & sugge/$ to me ^! comp>isons1 & taught me h[ to speak ( x1 & ( :at ! s\l mu/ d !re94 ,c]ta9ly1 ,i 0 amaz$1 & 9 a mom5t und]/ood x all4 ,i h (t5 be5 ?us1 z x 71 beside myself1 drunk ) love1 & yet nev] c\ld und]/& h[ x 04 ,i knew well t x 0 ! "w ( ,god1 b ,i nev] 0 able to und]/& ! mann] ( ,8 work+ "h2 =1 9 fact1 ! faculties are almo/ all completely 9 union1 yet n s absorb$ t !y d n act4 ,i h be5 s+ul>ly delight$ 9 t ,i h be5 able to compreh5d ! matt] at la/4 ,bless$ be our ,"l1 :o has ?us consol$ me6 #d4 ,! faculties ( ! s\l n[ reta9 only ! p[] ( occupy+ !mselves :olly ) ,god2 n "o ( !m v5tures to /ir1 nei!r c we move "o ( !m )\t mak+ great ef=ts to di/ract ourselves--&1 inde$1 ,i d n ?9k we c d x at all at ?is "t4 ,_m words are !n utt]$ 9 praise ( ,god--b disord]ly1 unless x be t our ,"l ord]s !m himself4 ,at lea/1 ! und]/&+ is utt]ly p[]less "h2 ! s\l longs to s5d =? words ( praise1 b x has no control ov] itself1--x is 9 a /ate ( sweet re/lessness4 ,! fl[]s are already op5+2 !y are beg9n+ to s5d =? _! fragrance4 #e4 ,! s\l 9 ?is /ate w\ld h all m5 behold & "k ( its bliss1 to ! praise ( ,god1 & help x to praise ,him4 ,x w\ld h !m to be p>tak]s ( its joy2 = its joy is great] ?an x c be>4 ,x seems to me t x is l ! woman 9 ! ,gospel1 :o w\ld1 or us$ to1 call 9 h] neighb\rs4 #c ,! admirable _s ( ,david1 ! royal prophet1 mu/ h felt 9 ! same way1 s x seems to me1 :5 he play$ on ! h>p1 s++ ! praises ( ,god4 ,i h a v great devotion to ?is glori\s k+2 #d & ,i wi% all _h x1 p>ticul>ly ^? :o are s9n]s l myself4 #f4 ,o my ,god1 :at mu/ t s\l be :5 x is 9 ?is /ate8 ,x wi%es x 7 all tongue1 9 ord] t x may praise our ,"l4 ,x utt]s a ?\s& holy follies1 /riv+ cont9ually to please ,him by :om x is ?us possess$4 ,i "k "o #e :o1 ?\gh %e 0 no poet1 yet compos$1 )\t any prep>ation1 c]ta9 /anzas1 full ( feel+1 mo/ expressive ( h] pa93 !y 7 n ! "w ( h] own und]/&+2 b1 9 ord] to h a great] fruition ( t bliss :i* s sweet a pa9 occasion$ h]1 %e compla9$ ( x 9 t way to ,god4 ,%e 0 will+ to be cut 9 pieces1 s\l & body1 to %[ ! delight %e felt 9 t pa94 ,to :at torm5ts c\ld %e be !n expos$1 t w\ld n be delici\s to endure = h] ,"l8 ,%e sees cle>ly t ! m>tyrs did little or no?+1 s f> z !y 7 conc]n$1 :5 !y endur$ _! tortures1 because ! s\l is well aw>e t its /r5g? is d]iv$ f ano!r s\rce4 #g4 ,b :at w be its suff]+s :5 x returns to ! use ( ! s5ses1 to live 9 ! _w1 & g back to ! anxieties & ! fa%ions !re(8 ,i d n ?9k t ,i h exagg]at$ 9 any way1 b r h fall5 %ort1 9 speak+ ( t joy1 :i* our ,"l1 ( ,8 good pleasure1 gives to ! s\l 9 ?is its exile4 ,bless$ = ev] be ,?\1 ,o ,"l6 & may all creat$ ?+s praise ,!e = ev]6 #h4 ,o my ,k+1 see+ t ,i am n[1 :ile writ+ ?is1 /ill "u ! p[] ( ?is heav5ly madness1 an effect ( ,?y m]cy & goodness1--& x is a m]cy ,i nev] des]v$1--grant1 ,i besee* ,!e1 t all ^? ) :om ,i may h to conv]se may become mad ?r\gh ,?y love1 or let me conv]se ) none1 or s ord] x t ,i may h no?+ to d 9 ! _w1 or take me away f x4 ,?is ,?y s]vant1 ,o my ,god1 is no long] able to endure suff]+s s great z ^? are :i* %e mu/ be> :5 %e sees h]self )\t ,!e if %e mu/ live1 %e seeks no repose 9 ?is life1--& d ,?\ give h] none4 ,?is my s\l longs to be free--eat+ is kill+ x1 & sleep is we>isome2 x sees itself wa/+ ! "t ( ?is life 9 com=ts1 & t !re is no com=t = x n[ b 9 ,!e2 x seems to be liv+ contr>y to nature--= n[1 x desires to live n 9 itself1 b 9 ,!e4 #i4 ,o my true ,"l & my happ9ess6 :at a cross ha/ ,?\ prep>$ = ^? :o atta9 to ?is /ate6--light & mo/ heavy at ! same "t3 light1 because sweet2 heavy1 because n[ & !n !re is no pati5ce left to endure x--& yet ! s\l nev] wi%es to be deliv]$ f x1 unless x be t x may come to ,!e4 ,:5 ! s\l rememb]s t x has nev] s]v$ ,!e at all1 & t by liv+ on x may d ,!e "s s]vice1 x longs = a /ill heavi] cross1 & nev] to die be=e ! end ( ! _w4 ,its own repose x c\nts z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) do+ a slight s]vice to ,!e4 ,x kn[s n :at to desire2 b x cle>ly und]/&s t x desires no?+ else b ,!e4 #aj4 ,o my son1 #f s humble is he to :om ?is writ+ is direct$1 & :o has comm&$ me to write1 t he suff]s himself to be ?us address$1--y1 my fa!r1 only mu/ see ^! ?+s1 9 :i* ,i seem to h transgress$ all b\nds2 = no reason c keep me reasonable :5 our ,"l draws me out ( myself4 ,s9ce my communion ?is morn+1 #g ,i d n believe t ,i am ! p]son :o is speak+2 ,i seem to be dream+ ! ?+s ,i see1 & ,i wi% ,i might nev] see any b p ill1 z ,i am n[4 ,i besee* y1 my fa!r1 let u all be mad1 = ! love ( ,him :o = our sakes suff]$ m5 to say ( ,him t ,he 0 mad4 #h #aa4 ,y1 my fa!r1 say t y wi% me well4 ,i wi% y w\ld prove x by dispos+ y\rself s t ,god may be/[ ?is grace ^u y2 = ,i see v few p :o h n too mu* s5se = ev]y?+ !y h to d3 & x may be t ,i h m ?an anybody else4 ,y\r rev]5ce mu/ n all[ x2 y are my fa!r1 = y are my confessor1 & ! p]son to :om ,i h tru/$ my s\l2 disp]se my delusions by tell+ ! tru?2 = tru?s ( ?is sort are v r>ely told4 #ab4 ,i wi% we five1 :o n[ love "o ano!r 9 our ,"l1 _h made "s su* arrangem5t z ?is3 z o!rs 9 ^! times h met toge!r 9 secret #i to plot wick$ness & h]esies aga9/ ,8 ,maje/y1 s we might contrive to meet toge!r n[ & !n1 9 ord] to undeceive "o ano!r1 to tell ea* o!r :]e9 we might improve ourselves1 & be m pleas+ unto ,god2 = !re is no "o t kn[s himself z well z he is kn[n ( o!rs :o see him1 if x be ) eyes ( love & ! wi% to d him good4 ,i say2 9 secret2 = language ( ?is k9d is no long] 9 use2 ev5 prea*]s g ab\t arrang+ _! s]mons s z to displease no "o4 #aj ,!y h a good int5tion1 & _! "w is good2 yet /ill few am5d _! lives4 ,b h[ is x t !y are n _m :o1 9 consequ5ce ( ^! s]mons1 ab/a9 f public s9s8 ,well1 ,i ?9k x is because ! prea*]s are highly s5sible m54 ,!y are n burn+ ) ! great fire ( ! love ( ,god1 z ! ,apo/les 71 ca/+ worldly prud5ce aside2 & s _! fire ?r[s out b little heat4 ,i d n say t _! fire ought to burn l t ( ! ,apo/les1 b ,i d wi% x 7 a /rong] fire ?an ,i see x is4 ,d y1 my fa!r1 "k :]e9 mu* ( ?is fire consi/s8 ,9 ! hatr$ ( ?is life1 9 ! des]tion ( its hon\rs1 9 be+ utt]ly indiff]5t :e!r we lose or ga9 any?+ or ev]y?+1 provid$ ! tru? be told & ma9ta9$ = ! glory ( ,god2 = he :o is c\rage\sly 9 e>ne/ = ,god1 looks ^u loss or ga9 indiff]5tly4 ,i d n say t ,i am a p]son ( ?is k9d1 b ,i wi% ,i 04 #ac4 ,oh1 gr& fre$om1 to reg>d x z a captivity to be oblig$ to live & conv]se ) m5 accord+ to ! laws ( ! _w6 ,x is ! gift ( our ,"l2 !re is n a slave :o w\ld n imp]il ev]y?+ t he might escape & return to 8 c\ntry2 & z ?is is ! true road1 !re is no reason :y we %\ld l+]2 = we %all nev] effectually ga9 a treasure s great1 s long z ?is life is n end$4 ,may our ,"l give u ,8 grace = t end6 ,y1 my fa!r1 if x %all seem good to y1 w te> up :at ,i h writt51 & consid] x z a lett] = y\rself alone1 & =give me t ,i h be5 v bold4 #a4 ,! ?ird degree1 or ?ird wat]1 ( ! ,sa9t1 mu/ beg91 ,i ?9k1 ) ! pray] ( infus$ recollection1 include t ( infus$ quiet1 & end 9 t ( inebriation2 because x is n 9 our p[] to draw ?is wat]--all we c d is to direct ! /ream4 7,francis4 de ,/4 ,?oma1 ,m$ulla ,my/ica1 tr4 iv4 *4 xii4 p4 #bjh74 #b4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,_s4 ,canticle1 /anza xvii4 vol4 ii4 p4 #ih1 ,engl4 trans4 #c4 ,/4 ,luke xv4 #i3 ,convocat amicas et vic9as4 #d4 ,f\ndations1 *4 xxix4 #i4 #e4 ,! ,sa9t h]self 7,de la ,fu5te74 #f4 ,?is 0 ei!r ,f4 ,ybaez or ! ,inquisitor ,soto1 if ! expression did n occur 9 ! fir/ ,life4 ,f4 ,dom4 ,baes /ruck out son1 & wrote fa!r 9 its place1 omitt+ ! words1 s humble is he 7,de la ,fu5te74 #g4 ,see #c1 above4 #h4 ,/4 ,john x4 #bj3 ,dmonium habet et insanit4 #i4 ,! ,sa9t ref]s to ! secret meet+s ( h]etics 9 ,valladolid1 "u ! direction ( a fall5 prie/1 ! ,doctor ,ago/9o ,cazalla1 ^: vanity l$ him to imitate ,lu!r4 ,"s nuns 9 ,valladolid 7 imprison$1 ,cazalla /rangl$1 & 8 body burnt1 9 #aeei 7,de la ,fu5te74 #aj4 ,fa!r ,baes wrote "h on ! m>g9 ( ! ,sa9t's ,,ms1 ,legant prdicatores 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,*apt] ,,xvii4 ,! ,?ird ,/ate ( ,pray]4 ,! ,effects ,!re(4 ,! ,h9drance ,caus$ by ! ,imag9ation & ! ,memory4 #a4 ,en\gh has be5 said ( ?is mann] ( pray]1 & ( :at ! s\l has to d1 or r1 to speak m correctly1 ( :at ,god is do+ )9 x2 = x is ,he :o n[ takes ^u ,himself ! g>d5]'s "w1 & :o w h ! s\l take its ease2 except t ! w is cons5t+ to ! graces1 ! fruition ( :i* x has1 & t x mu/ resign itself to all t ! ,true ,wisdom w\ld accompli% 9 x--= :i* x is c]ta9 x has ne$ ( c\rage2 because ! joy is s great1 t ! s\l seems n[ & !n to be on ! v po9t ( go+ =? out ( ! body3 & :at a bless$ dea? t w\ld be6 ,n[1 ,i ?9k x is = ! s\l's good--z y1 my fa!r1 h be5 told--to ab&on itself into ! arms ( ,god altoge!r2 if ,he w take x to heav51 let x g2 if to hell1 no matt]1 z x is go+ ?i!r ) its sov]eign ,good4 ,if life is to come to an end = ev]1 s x wills2 if x is to la/ a ?\s& ye>s1 x wills t also3 ,8 ,maje/y may d ) x z ) ,8 own prop]ty1--! s\l no long] belongs to itself1 x has be5 giv5 :olly to our ,"l2 let x ca/ all c>e utt]ly away4 #b4 ,my mean+ is t1 9 a /ate ( pray]1 s high z ?is1 ! s\l und]/&s t ,god is do+ ,8 "w )\t any fatigu+ ( ! und]/&+1 except t1 z x seems to me1 x is z if amaz$ 9 behold+ our ,"l tak+ ^u ,himself ! "w ( ! good g>d5]1 refus+ to let ! s\l und]go any lab\r :atev]1 b t ( tak+ its pleasure 9 ! fl[]s beg9n+ to s5d =? _! fragrance2 = :5 ,god raises a s\l up to ?is /ate1 x c d all ?is1 & mu* m1--= ^! are ! effects ( x4 #c4 ,9 "o ( ^! visits1 h[ brief soev] x may be1 ! ,g>d5]1 be+ :o ,he is1--9 a ^w1 ! ,creator ( ! wat]1--p\rs ! wat] )\t /9t2 & :at ! poor s\l1 ) ! lab\r1 p]haps1 ( tw5ty ye>s 9 fatigu+ ! und]/&+1 c\ld n br+ ab\t1 t ! heav5ly ,g>d5] accompli%es 9 an in/ant1 caus+ ! fruit bo? to gr[ & rip52 s t ! s\l1 su* be+ ! w ( our ,"l1 may d]ive its su/5ance f its g>d54 ,b ,he all[s x n to divide ! fruit ) o!rs1 until by eat+ !re(1 x is /rong en\gh n to wa/e x 9 ! m]e ta/+ ( x1--giv+ to ,him none ( ! produce1 nor mak+ any comp5sation = x to ,him :o supplies x1--le/ x %\ld be ma9ta9+ o!rs1 fe$+ !m at its own co/1 & itself p]haps dy+ ( hung]4 #a ,! mean+ ( ?is is p]fectly cle> = ^? :o h und]/&+ en\gh to apply x--mu* m cle> ?an ,i c make x2 & ,i am tir$4 #d4 ,f9ally1 ! virtues are n[ /rong] ?an !y 7 dur+ ! prec$+ pray] ( quiet2 = ! s\l sees itself to be o!r ?an x 01 & x kn[s n h[ x is beg9n+ to d great ?+s 9 ! od\r :i* ! fl[]s s5d =?2 x be+ our ,"l's w t ! fl[]s %\ld op51 9 ord] t ! s\l may believe itself to be 9 possession ( virtue2 ?\gh x sees mo/ cle>ly t x _c1 & nev] c\ld1 acquire !m 9 _m ye>s1 & t ! heav5ly ,g>d5] has giv5 !m to x 9 t in/ant4 ,n[1 too1 ! humility ( ! s\l is mu* great] & deep] ?an x 0 be=e2 because x sees m cle>ly t x did nei!r mu* nor little1 beyond giv+ its cons5t t our ,"l might "w ^? graces 9 x1 & !n accept+ !m will+ly4 #e4 ,?is /ate ( pray] seems to me to be a mo/ di/9ct union ( ! :ole s\l ) ,god1 b = ?is1 t ,8 ,maje/y appe>s to give ! faculties leave to be int5t ^u1 & h ! fruition (1 ! great "w ,he is do+ !n4 ,x happ5s at times1 & inde$ v (t51 t1 ! w be+ 9 union1 ! s\l %\ld be aw>e ( x1 & see t ! w is a captive & 9 joy1 t ! w alone is abid+ 9 great peace1--:ile1 on ! o!r h&1 ! und]/&+ & ! memory are s free1 t !y c be employ$ 9 affairs & be occupi$ 9 works ( *>ity4 ,i say ?is1 t y1 my fa!r1 may see x is s1 & und]/& ! matt] :5 x %all happ5 to y\rself2 at lea/1 x c>ri$ me out ( myself1 & t is ! reason :y ,i speak ( x "h4 #f4 ,x diff]s f ! pray] ( quiet1 ( :i* ,i h spok51 #b ?\gh x does seem z if x 7 all "o ) x4 ,9 t pray]1 ! s\l1 :i* w\ld will+ly nei!r /ir nor move1 is delight+ 9 ! holy repose ( ,m>y2 b 9 ?is pray] x c be l ,m>?a also4 #c ,accord+ly1 ! s\l is1 z x 71 liv+ ! active & contemplative life at once1 & is able to apply itself to works ( *>ity & ! affairs ( its /ate1 & to spiritual read+4 ,/ill1 ^? :o arrive at ?is /ate1 are n :olly ma/]s ( !mselves1 & are well aw>e t ! bett] "p ( ! s\l is else:]e4 ,x is z if we 7 speak+ to "o p]son1 & ano!r speak+ to u at ! same "t1 :ile we ourselves are n p]fectly att5tive ei!r to ! "o or ! o!r4 ,x is a /ate t is mo/ easily asc]ta9$1 & "o1 :5 atta9$ to1 t m9i/]s great joy & cont5tm5t1 & t prep>es ! s\l 9 ! highe/ degree1 by obs]v+ times ( solitude1 or ( fre$om f bus9ess1 = ! atta9m5t ( ! mo/ tranquil quietude4 ,x is l ! life ( a man :o is full1 requir+ no food1 ) 8 appetite satisfi$1 s t he w n eat ( ev]y?+ set be=e him1 yet n s full ei!r z to refuse to eat if he saw any desirable food4 ,s ! s\l has no satisfaction 9 ! _w1 & seeks no pleasure 9 x !n2 because x has 9 itself t :i* gives x a great] satisfaction1 great] joys 9 ,god1 long+s = ! satisfaction ( its long+ to h a deep] joy 9 be+ ) ,him--?is is :at ! s\l seeks4 #g4 ,!re is ano!r k9d ( union1 :i*1 ?\gh n a p]fect union1 is yet m s ?an ! "o ( :i* ,i h j spok52 b n s mu* s z ?is spok5 ( z ! ?ird wat]4 ,y1 my fa!r1 w be delight$ greatly if our ,"l %\ld be/[ !m all ^u y1 if y h !m n already1 to f9d an acc\nt ( ! matt] 9 writ+1 & to und]/& x2 = x is "o grace t our ,"l gives grace2 & x is ano!r grace to und]/& :at grace & :at gift x is2 & x is ano!r & fur!r grace to h ! p[] to describe & expla9 x to o!rs4 ,?\gh x does n seem t m ?an ! fir/ ( ^!--! giv+ ( ! grace--is necess>y to enable ! s\l to advance )\t confusion & fe>1 & to walk ) ! great] c\rage 9 ! way ( our ,"l1 trampl+ "u foot all ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 x is a great advantage & a great grace to und]/& x2 = e "o :o has x has great reason to praise our ,"l2 & s1 also1 has he :o has x n3 because ,8 ,maje/y has be/[$ x ^u "s p]son liv+ :o is to make u pr(it by x4 #h4 ,?is union1 ( :i* ,i w\ld n[ speak1 frequ5tly occurs1 p>ticul>ly to myself4 ,god has v (t5 be/[$ su* a grace ^u me1 :]eby ,he con/ra9s ! w1 & ev5 ! und]/&+1 z x seems to me1 see+ t x makes no reflections1 b is occupi$ 9 ! fruition ( ,god3 l a p]son :o looks on1 & sees s _m ?+s1 t he kn[s n :]e to look--"o object puts ano!r out ( sight1 & none ( !m leaves any impression beh9d4 #i4 ,! memory rema9s free1 & x mu/ be s1 toge!r ) ! imag9ation2 & s1 :5 x f9ds itself alone1 x is m>vell\s to behold :at w> x makes on ! s\l1 & h[ x lab\rs to ?r[ ev]y?+ into disord]4 ,z = me1 ,i am we>i$ by x1 & ,i hate x2 & v (t5 d ,i implore our ,"l to deprive me ( x on ^! occasions1 if ,i am to be s mu* tr\bl$ by x4 ,n[ & !n1 ,i say to ,him3 ,o my ,god1 :5 %all my s\l praise ,!e )\t di/raction1 n dissipat$ 9 ?is way1 unable to control itself6 ,i und]/& n[ ! mis*ief t s9 has done1 9 t x has r5d]$ u unable to d :at we desire--to be always occupi$ 9 ,god4 #d #aj4 ,i say t x happ5s to me f "t to "t1--x has done s ?is v day1 & s ,i rememb] x well1--to see my s\l te> itself1 9 ord] to f9d itself !re :]e ! great] "p ( x is1 & to see1 at ! same "t1 t x is impossible3 because ! memory & ! imag9ation assail x ) su* =ce1 t x _c prevail aga9/ !m2 yet1 z ! o!r faculties give !m no assi/ance1 !y are n able to d x any h>m--none :atev]2 !y d en\gh :5 !y tr\ble its re/4 ,:5 ,i say !y d no h>m1 my mean+ is1 t !y _c really hurt x1 because !y h n /r5g? en\gh1 & because !y are too discursive4 ,z ! und]/&+ gives no help1 nei!r mu* nor little1 9 ! matt]s put be=e ! s\l1 !y nev] re/ any:]e1 b hurry to & fro1 l no?+ else b gnats at night1 tr\blesome & unquiet3 & s !y g ab\t f "o subject to ano!r4 #aa4 ,?is comp>ison seems to me to be s+ul>ly to ! purpose2 = ! memory & ! imag9ation1 ?\gh !y h no p[] to d any h>m1 are v tr\blesome4 ,i "k ( no rem$y = x2 &1 hi!rto1 ,god has told me ( none4 ,if ,he _h1 mo/ gladly w\ld ,i make use ( x2 = ,i am1 z ,i say1 torm5t$ v (t54 ,?is %[s our wret*$ness & br+s out mo/ di/9ctly ! great p[] ( ,god1 see+ t ! faculty :i* is free hurts & we>ies u s mu*2 :ile ! o!rs1 occupi$ ) ,8 ,maje/y1 give u re/4 #ab4 ,! only rem$y ,i h f\nd1 aft] _m ye>s ( we>9ess1 is t ,i spoke ( :5 ,i 0 describ+ ! pray] ( quiet3 #e to make no m acc\nt ( x ?an ( a madman1 b let x g ) its subject2 = ,god alone c take x f x1--9 %ort1 x is a slave "h4 ,we mu/ be> pati5tly ) x1 z ,jacob bore ) ,lia2 = our ,"l %[e? u m]cy en\gh :5 we are all[$ to h ,ra*el ) u4 #ac4 ,i say t x rema9s a slave2 =1 aft] all1 let x d :at x w1 x _c drag ! o!r faculties 9 its tra92 on ! contr>y1 !y1 )\t tak+ any tr\ble1 compel x to foll[ aft] !m4 ,sometimes ,god is pleas$ to take pity on x1 :5 ,he sees x s lo/ & s unquiet1 ?r\gh ! long+ x has to be unit$ ) ! o!r faculties1 & ,8 ,maje/y cons5ts to its burn+ itself 9 ! flame ( t div9e c&le by :i* ! o!rs are already r$uc$ to a%es1 & _! nature lo/1 be+1 z x 71 sup]naturally 9 ! fruition ( bless+s s great4 #ad4 ,9 all ^! /ates ( pray] ( :i* ,i h spok51 :ile expla9+ ?is la/ me?od ( draw+ ! wat] out ( ! well1 s great is ! bliss & repose ( ! s\l1 t ev5 ! body mo/ di/9ctly %>es 9 its joy & delight1--& ?is is mo/ pla92 & ! virtues cont9ue to gr[1 z ,i said be=e4 #f ,x seems to h be5 ! good pleasure ( our ,"l to expla9 ^! /ates ( pray]1 :]e9 ! s\l f9ds itself1 ) ! utmo/ cle>ness possible1 ,i ?9k1 "h on e>?4 #ae4 ,d y1 my fa!r1 discuss x ) any spiritual p]son :o has arriv$ at ?is /ate1 & is le>n$4 ,if he says ( x1 x is well1 y may believe t ,god has spok5 x1 & y w give ?anks to ,8 ,maje/y2 =1 z ,i said j n[1 #g 9 ! c\rse ( "t y w rejoice greatly 9 t y h und]/ood x4 ,mean:ile1 if ,he does n all[ y to und]/& :at x is1 ?\gh ,he does give y ! possession ( x1 yet1 ) y\r intellect & le>n+1 see+ t ,8 ,maje/y has giv5 y ! fir/1 y w "k :at x is1 by ! help ( :at ,i h writt5 "h4 ,unto ,him be praise = ev] & ev]6 ,am54 #a4 ,see *4 xix4 #d4 #b4 ,*4 xv4 #a4 #c4 ,see ,relation1 viii4 #f2 & ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 liii41 b * xxxi4 ( =m] editions4 ,see also ,concept4 ( ! ,love ( ,god1 *4 vii4 #d4 ,see ,relation1 viii4 #ag4 #e4 ,*4 xiv4 #d4 ,see also ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 liii41 b *4 xxxi4 ( ! old editions4 #f4 ,*4 xiv4 #f4 #g4 #g4 ,*apt] ,,xviii4 ,! ,f\r? ,/ate ( ,pray]4 ,! ,great ,dignity ( ! ,s\l ,rais$ to ,x by ,our ,"l4 ,atta9able on ,e>?1 ,n by ,our ,m]it1 b by ! ,goodness ( ,our ,"l4 #a4 ,may our ,"l tea* me words :]eby ,i may 9 "s measure describe ! f\r? wat]4 #a ,i h great ne$ ( ,8 help--ev5 m ?an ,i _h :ile speak+ ( ! la/2 = 9 t ! s\l /ill feels t x is n dead altoge!r4 ,we may ?us speak1 see+ t to ! _w x is really dead4 ,b1 z ,i h said1 #b x reta9s ! s5se to see t x is 9 ! _w1 & to feel its own lonel9ess2 & x makes use ( t :i* is outw>d = ! purpose ( manife/+ its feel+s1 at lea/ by signs4 ,9 ! :ole ( ! pray] already spok5 (1 & 9 all ! /ates ( x1 ! g>d5] und]goes "s lab\r3 ?\gh 9 ! lat] /ates ! lab\r is att5d$ ) s mu* bliss & com=t ( ! s\l1 t ! s\l w\ld nev] will+ly pass out ( x1--& ?us ! lab\r is n felt z lab\r1 b z bliss4 #b4 ,9 ?is ! f\r? /ate !re is no s5se ( any?+1 only fruition1 )\t und]/&+ :at t is ! fruition ( :i* is grant$4 ,x is und]/ood t ! fruition is ( a c]ta9 good conta9+ 9 itself all good toge!r at once2 b ?is good is n compreh5d$4 ,! s5ses are all occupi$ 9 ?is fruition 9 su* a way t n "o ( !m is at lib]ty1 s z to be able to att5d to any?+ else1 :e!r outw>d or inw>d4 #c4 ,! s5ses 7 p]mitt$ be=e1 z ,i h said1 #c to give "s signs ( ! great joy !y feel2 b n[1 9 ?is /ate1 ! joy ( ! s\l is incomp>ably great]1 & ! p[] ( %[+ x is /ill less2 = !re is no p[] 9 ! body1 & ! s\l has none1 :]eby ?is fruition c be made kn[n4 ,ev]y?+ ( t k9d w\ld be a great h9drance1 a torm5t1 & a di/urbance ( its re/4 ,& ,i say1 if x really be a union ( all ! faculties1 t ! s\l1 ev5 if x wi%$1--,i mean1 :5 x is 9 union1--_c make x kn[n2 & if x c1 !n x is n union at all4 #d4 ,h[ ?is1 :i* we call union1 is effect$1 & :at x is1 ,i _c tell4 ,my/ical !ology expla9s x1 & ,i d n "k ! t]ms ( t sci5ce2 nor c ,i und]/& :at ! m9d is1 nor h[ x diff]s f ! s\l or ! _s ei!r3 all ?ree seem to me b "o2 ?\gh ,i d "k t ! s\l sometimes leaps =? out ( itself1 l a fire t is burn+ & is become a flame2 & occasionally ?is fire increases viol5tly--! flame asc5ds high above ! fire2 b x is n !re=e a diff]5t ?+3 x is /ill ! same flame ( ! same fire4 ,y\r le>n+1 my fa!rs1 w enable y to und]/& ! matt]2 ,i c g no fur!r4 #e4 ,:at ,i und]take to expla9 is t :i* ! s\l feels :5 x is 9 ! div9e union4 ,x is pla9 en\gh :at union is--two di/9ct ?+s becom+ "o4 ,o my ,"l1 h[ good ,?\ art6 ,bless$ be ,?\ = ev]1 ,o my ,god6 ,let all creatures praise ,!e1 ,:o ha/ s lov$ u t we c truly speak ( ?is communication :i* ,?\ ha/ ) s\ls 9 ?is our exile6 ,yea1 ev5 if !y be good s\ls1 x is on ,?y "p great munific5ce & magnanimity1--9 a ^w1 x is ,?y munific5ce1 ,o my ,"l1 see+ t ,?\ give/ l ,?yself4 ,o inf9ite ,munific5ce6--h[ magnific5t are ,?y works6 ,ev5 he ^: und]/&+ is n occupi$ ) ! ?+s ( e>? is amaz$ t he is unable to und]/& ^! tru?s4 ,:y1 !n1 give graces s high to s\ls :o h be5 su* great s9n]s8 ,truly1 ?is passe? my und]/&+2 & :5 ,i come to ?9k ( x1 ,i c get no fur!r4 ,is !re any way at all = me to g on :i* is n a go+ back8 ,=1 z to giv+ ,!e ?anks = m]cies s great1 ,i "k n h[ to d x4 ,sometimes ,i relieve myself by giv+ utt]ance to follies4 ,x (t5 happ5s to me1 ei!r :5 ,i receive ^! graces1 or :5 ,god is ab\t to be/[ !m1--=1 9 ! mid/ ( !m1 ,i h already said1 #d ,i 0 able to d no?+1--t ,i w\ld break out into words l ^!4 #f4 ,o ,"l1 consid] :at ,?\ art do+2 =get n s soon ! great evils t ,i h done4 ,to =give me1 ,?\ mu/ already h =gott5 !m2 yet1 9 ord] t !re may be "s limit to ,?y graces1 ,i besee* ,!e rememb] !m4 ,o my ,creator1 p\r n a liquor s preci\s into a vessel s brok52 = ,?\ ha/ already se5 h[ on o!r occasions ,i all[$ x to run wa/e4 ,lay n up treasure l ?is1 :]e ! long+ aft] ! consolations ( ?is life is n s mortifi$ z x ought to be2 = x w be utt]ly lo/4 ,h[ can/ ,?\ commit ! def5ce ( ! city1 & ! keys ( its =tress to a comm&] s c[>dly1 :o at ! fir/ assault w let ! enemy ent] )98 ,oh1 let n ,?y love be s great1 ,o ,k+ ,et]nal1 z to imp]il jewels s preci\s6 ,o my ,"l1 to me x seems t x becomes a gr\nd = und]valu+ !m1 :5 ,?\ putte/ !m 9 ! p[] ( "o s wret*$1 s vile1 s frail1 s mis]able1 & s wor?less z ,i am1 :o1 ?\gh %e may lab\r n to lose !m1 by ! help ( ,?y grace1--& ,i h ne$ ( no little grace = t end1 be+ :at ,i am1--is n able to w9 ov] any "o to ,!e1--9 %ort1 ,i am a woman1 n good1 b wick$4 ,x seems to me t ! tal5ts are n only hidd51 b buri$1 :5 !y are committ$ to e>? s vile4 ,x is n ,?y wont1 ,o ,"l1 to be/[ graces & m]cies l ^! ^u a s\l1 unless x be t x may edify _m4 #g4 ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 kn[e/ already t ,i beg ?is ( ,!e ) my :ole w1 f ! bottom ( my he>t1 & t ,i h done s m ?an once1 & ,i acc\nt x a bless+ to lose ! greate/ bless+s :i* may be _h on e>?1 if ,?\ w\ld/ b be/[ ^! graces ^u him :o w make a bett] use ( !m to ! increase ( ,?y glory4 ,^!1 & expressions l ^!1 x has happ5$ to me (t5 to utt]4 ,i saw aft]w>ds my own fooli%ness & want ( humility2 = our ,"l kn[e? well :at is exp$i5t1 & t !re is no /r5g? 9 my s\l to be sav$1 if ,8 ,maje/y did n give x ) graces s great4 #h4 ,i purpose also to speak ( ! graces & effects :i* abide 9 ! s\l1 & ( t :i* ! s\l itself c d1 or r1 if x c d any?+ ( itself t[>ds atta9+ to a /ate s high4 ,! elevation ( ! _s1 or union1 comes toge!r ) heav5ly love b1 z ,i und]/& x1 union is a diff]5t ?+ f elevation 9 union itself4 ,to him :o may n h _h any exp]i5ce ( ! latt]1 x mu/ seem t x is n2 &1 accord+ to my view ( x1 ev5 if !y are bo? "o1 ! op]ations ( our ,"l !re9 are diff]5t3 !re is a gr[? ( ! s\l's deta*m5t f creatures m abundantly /ill 9 ! flight ( ! _s4 #e ,i h cle>ly se5 t ?is is a p>ticul> grace1 ?\gh1 z ,i say1 x may be ! same1 or seem to be s1 ) ! o!r2 b a little fire1 also1 is z mu* fire z a great fire--& yet !re is a visible diff]5ce betwe5 !m4 ,be=e a small piece ( iron is made r$-hot 9 a little fire1 "s "t mu/ pass2 b if ! fire be great1 ! iron v quickly1 ?\gh bulky1 loses its nature altoge!r 9 appe>ance4 #i4 ,s1 x seems to me1 is x ) ^! two k9ds ( graces :i* our ,"l be/[s4 ,he :o has _h raptures w1 ,i am sure1 und]/& x well2 to him :o has n _h t exp]i5ce1 x mu/ appe> folly4 ,&1 inde$1 x may well be s2 = if a p]son l myself %\ld speak ( a matt] ( ?is k9d1 & give any explanation at all ( t = ! description ( :i* no words ev] c possibly be f\nd1 x is n to be wond]$ at t ,i may be speak+ fooli%ly4 #aj4 ,b ,i h ?is confid5ce 9 our ,"l1 t ,he w help me "h2 = ,8 ,maje/y kn[e? t my object 9 writ+--! fir/ is to obey--is to inspire s\ls ) a long+ aft] s high a good4 ,i w speak ( no?+ t ,i d n "k by great exp]i5ce3 & s1 :5 ,i began to describe ! la/ k9d ( wat]1 ,i ?\ght x m impossible = me to speak ( x at all ?an to speak ,greek4 ,x is a v difficult matt]2 s ,i left x1 & w5t to ,communion4 ,bless$ be our ,"l1 :o is m]ciful to ! ignorant6 ,oh1 virtue ( ob$i5ce6 x c d ev]y?+6 ,god enlight5$ my und]/&+--at "o "t sugge/+ ! words1 at ano!r %[+ me h[ to use !m2 =1 z 9 ! prec$+ /ate ( pray]1 s also n[1 ,8 ,maje/y seems to utt] :at ,i c nei!r speak nor und]/&4 #f #aa4 ,:at ,i am say+ is ! simple tru?2 & !re=e :atev] is good h]e9 is ,8 tea*+2 :at is errone\s1 cle>ly comes out ( t sea ( evil--myself4 ,if !re be any--& !re mu/ be _m--:o1 hav+ atta9$ to ^! /ates ( pray] :]eunto our ,"l 9 ,8 m]cy has br\ght me--wret* t ,i am6--& :o1 ?9k+ !y h miss$ _! way1 desire to treat ( ^! matt]s ) me1 ,i am sure t our ,"l w help ,8 s]vant to decl>e ! tru? m pla9ly4 #ab4 ,i am n[ speak+ ( ! wat] :i* come? d[n f heav5 to fill & saturate 9 its abundance ! :ole ( ?is g>d5 ) wat]4 ,if our ,"l nev] ceas$ to p\r x d[n :5ev] x 0 necess>y1 ! g>d5] c]ta9ly w\ld h pl5ty ( re/2 & if !re 7 no w9t]1 b an ev] temp]ate season1 fruits & fl[]s w\ld nev] fail4 ,! g>d5] w\ld h 8 delight !re92 b 9 ?is life t is impossible4 ,we mu/ always be c>eful1 :5 "o wat] fails1 to obta9 ano!r4 ,?is wat] f heav5 comes d[n v (t5 :5 ! g>d5] lea/ expects x4 #ac4 ,! tru? is t1 9 ! beg9n+1 ?is almo/ always happ5s aft] mu* m5tal pray]4 ,our ,"l advances /ep by /ep to lay hold ( ! little bird1 & to lay x 9 ! ne/ :]e x may repose4 ,he obs]v$ x flutt]+ = a long "t1 /riv+ ) ! und]/&+ & ! w1 & ) all its might1 to seek ,god & to please ,him2 s n[ x is ,8 pleasure to rew>d x ev5 9 ?is life4 ,& :at a rew>d6--"o mom5t is en\gh to repay all ! possible trials ( ?is life4 #ad4 ,! s\l1 :ile ?us seek+ aft] ,god1 is consci\s1 ) a joy excessive & sweet1 t x is1 z x 71 utt]ly fa9t+ away 9 a k9d ( trance3 brea?+1 & all ! bodily /r5g?1 fail x1 s t x _c ev5 move ! h&s )\t great pa92 ! eyes close involunt>ily1 & if !y are op51 !y are z if !y saw no?+2 nor is read+ possible1--! v lett]s seem /range1 & _c be di/+ui%$1--! lett]s1 inde$1 are visible1 b1 z ! und]/&+ furni%es no help1 all read+ is impracticable1 ?\gh s]i\sly attempt$4 ,! e> he>s2 b :at is he>d is n compreh5d$4 ,! s5ses are ( no use :atev]1 except to h9d] ! s\l's fruition2 & s !y r hurt x4 ,x is useless to try to speak1 because x is n possible to conceive a ^w2 nor1 if x 7 conceiv$1 is !re /r5g? suffici5t to utt] x2 = all bodily /r5g? vani%es1 & t ( ! s\l increases1 to enable x ! bett] to h ! fruition ( its joy4 ,great & mo/ p]ceptible1 also1 is ! outw>d joy n[ felt4 #ae4 ,?is pray]1 h[ev] long x may la/1 does no h>m--at lea/1 x has nev] done any to me2 nor d ,i rememb]1 h[ev] ill ,i might h be5 :5 our ,"l _h m]cy ^u me 9 ?is way1 t ,i ev] felt ! worse = x--on ! contr>y1 ,i 0 always bett] aft]w>ds4 ,b s great a bless+1 :at h>m c x d8 ,! outw>d effects are s pla9 z to leave no d\bt possible t !re mu/ h be5 "s great cause1 see+ t x ?us robs u ( our bodily p[]s ) s mu* joy1 9 ord] to leave !m great]4 #af4 ,! tru? is1 x passes away s quickly 9 ! beg9n+--at lea/1 s x 0 ) me--t nei!r by ! outw>d signs1 nor by ! failure ( ! s5ses1 c x be p]ceiv$ :5 x passes s quickly away4 ,b x is pla91 f ! ov]fl[+ abundance ( grace1 t ! brightness ( ! sun :i* _h %one !re mu/ h be5 great1 see+ t x has ?us made ! s\l to melt away4 ,& ?is is to be consid]$2 =1 z x seems to me1 ! p]iod ( "t1 h[ev] long x may h be51 dur+ :i* ! faculties ( ! s\l 7 entranc$1 is v %ort2 if half an h\r1 t w\ld be a long "t4 ,i d n ?9k t ,i h ev] be5 s long4 #g ,! tru? ( ! matt] is ?is3 x is extremely difficult to "k h[ long1 because ! s5ses are 9 susp5se2 b ,i ?9k t at any "t x _c be v long be=e "s "o ( ! faculties recov]s itself4 ,x is ! w t p]si/s 9 ! "w2 ! o!r two faculties quickly beg9 to mole/ x4 ,z ! w is calm1 x entrances !m aga92 !y are quiet = ano!r mom5t1 & !n !y recov] !mselves once m4 #ag4 ,9 ?is way1 "s h\rs may be1 & are1 pass$ 9 pray]2 = :5 ! two faculties beg9 to dr9k deep1 & to p]ceive ! ta/e ( ?is div9e w9e1 !y give !mselves up ) great read9ess1 9 ord] to be ! m absorb$3 !y foll[ ! w1 & ! ?ree rejoice toge!r4 ,b ?is /ate ( complete absorption1 toge!r ) ! utt] re/ ( ! imag9ation1--= ,i believe t ev5 ! imag9ation is !n :olly at re/1--la/s only = a %ort "t2 ?\gh ! faculties d n s completely recov] !mselves z n to be = "s h\rs aft]w>ds z if 9 disord]3 ,god1 f "t to "t1 draw+ !m to ,himself4 #ah4 ,let u n[ come to t :i* ! s\l feels int]iorly4 ,let him describe x :o kn[s x2 = z x is impossible to und]/& x1 mu* m is x s to describe x4 ,:5 ,i purpos$ to write ?is1 ,i _h j communicat$1 & _h ris5 f ! v pray] ( :i* ,i am speak+4 ,i am ?9k+ ( :at ! s\l 0 !n do+4 ,our ,"l said to me3 ,x undoes itself utt]ly1 ,my daught]1 9 ord] t x may give itself m & m to ,me3 x is n itself t !n lives1 x is ,i4 ,z x _c compreh5d :at x und]/&s1 x und]/&s by n und]/&+4 #h #ai4 ,he :o has _h exp]i5ce ( ?is w und]/& x 9 "s measure1 = x _c be m cle>ly describ$1 because :at !n takes place is s obscure4 ,all ,i am able to say is1 t ! s\l is repres5t$ z be+ close to ,god2 & t !re abides a conviction !re( s c]ta9 & /rong1 t x _c possibly help believ+ s4 ,all ! faculties fail n[1 & are susp5d$ 9 su* a way t1 z ,i said be=e1 #i _! op]ations _c be trac$4 ,if ! s\l is mak+ a m$itation on any subject1 ! memory ( x is lo/ at once1 j z if x _h nev] be5 ?\ght (4 ,if x reads1 :at is read is n rememb]$ nor dwelt ^u2 nei!r is x o!rwise ) vocal pray]4 ,accord+ly1 ! re/less little butt]fly ( ! memory has its w+s burnt n[1 & x _c fly4 ,! w mu/ be fully occupi$ 9 lov+1 b x und]/&s n h[ x loves2 ! und]/&+1 if x und]/&s1 does n und]/& h[ x und]/&s--at lea/1 x c compreh5d no?+ ( t x und]/&s3 x does n und]/&1 z x seems to me1 because1 z ,i said j n[1 ?is _c be und]/ood4 ,i d n und]/& x at all myself4 #bj4 ,9 ! beg9n+1 x happ5$ to me t ,i 0 ignorant ( "o ?+--,i did n "k t ,god 0 9 all ?+s3 #aj & :5 ,he seem$ to me to be s ne>1 ,i ?\ght x impossible4 ,n to believe t ,he 0 pres5t1 0 n 9 my p[]2 = x seem$ to me1 z x 71 evid5t t ,i felt !re ,8 v pres5ce4 ,"s unle>n$ m5 us$ to say to me1 t ,he 0 pres5t only by ,8 grace4 ,i c\ld n believe t1 because1 z ,i am say+1 ,he seem$ to me to be pres5t ,himself3 s ,i 0 di/ress$4 ,a mo/ le>n$ man1 ( ! ,ord] ( ! glori\s ,patri>* ,/4 ,dom9ic1 deliv]$ me f ?is d\bt2 = he told me t ,he 0 pres5t1 & h[ ,he commun$ ) u3 ?is 0 a great com=t to me4 #ba4 ,x is to be obs]v$ & und]/ood t ?is wat] f heav51--?is greate/ grace ( our ,"l--always leaves 9 ! s\l ! greate/ fruits1 z ,i %all n[ %[4 #a4 ,see *4 xi4 #aa4 #b4 ,*4 xvi4 #g1 #h4 #c4 ,*4 xvii4 #e4 #d4 #c4 #e4 ,see *4 xx4 #aj2 & ,relation1 viii4 #aj4 #f4 ,see *4 xiv4 #ab4 #g4 ,see ,anton4 a ,sp4 ,sancto1 ,director4 ,my/ic4 tr4 iv4 #i1 n4 #gb4 #h4 ,?omas ,jesu1 ,de ,contemplatione ,div9a1 lib4 v4 c4 xiii43 ,quasi dicat3 cum intellectus non possit ,dei imm5sam illam cl>itatem et incompreh5sibilem pl5itud9em compreh5d]e1 hoc ipsum e/ illam conspic]e ac intellig]e1 intellig]e se non posse intellectu cognosc]e3 quod quidem nihil aliud e/ quam ,deum sub ratione incompreh5sibilitatis vid]e ac cognosc]e4 ,philip4 ,,ss4 ,tr9itate1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic4 ,disc4 ,proem4 art4 iv4 p4 #f3 ,cum ipsa ,s4 ,t]esa scire vellet1 quid 9 illa my/ica unione op]>etur intellectus1 respondit ,*ri/us illi1 cum non possit compreh5d]e quod intelligit1 e/ non intellig]e intellig5do3 tum quia pr cl>itate nimia quodammodo (fuscatur intellectus1 unde pr altissima et sup]em95tissima ,dei cognitione videtur anima potius ,deum ignor>e quam cognosc]e4 #i4 ,*4 x4 #a1 & *4 xviii4 #af4 #aj4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 v4 *4 i4 #aa4 ,*apt] ,,xix4 ,! ,effects ( ,?is ,f\r? ,/ate ( ,pray]4 ,e>ne/ ,exhortations to ,^? ,:o ,h ,atta9$ to ,x ,n to ,g ,back1 ,nor to ,cease f ,pray]1 ,ev5 if ,!y ,fall4 ,! ,great ,calamity ( ,go+ ,back4 #a4 ,!re rema9s 9 ! s\l1 :5 ! pray] ( union is ov]1 an exce$+ly great t5d]ness2 s mu* s1 t x w\ld undo itself--n f pa91 b ?r\gh te>s ( joy x f9ds itself ba!d !re91 )\t be+ aw>e ( x1 & x kn[s n h[ or :5 x wept !m4 ,b to behold ! viol5ce ( ! fire subdu$ by ! wat]1 :i* yet makes x burn ! m1 gives x great delight4 ,x seems z if ,i 7 speak+ an unkn[n language4 ,s x is1 h[ev]4 #b4 ,x has happ5$ to me occasionally1 :5 ?is pray] 0 ov]1 to be s beside myself z n to "k :e!r ,i _h be5 dream+1 or :e!r ! bliss ,i felt _h really be5 m9e2 &1 on f9d+ myself 9 a flood ( te>s--:i* _h pa9lessly fl[$1 ) su* viol5ce & rapidity t x seem$ z if a cl\d f heav5 #a _h %$ !m--to p]ceive t x 0 no dream4 ,?us x 0 ) me 9 ! beg9n+1 :5 x pass$ quickly away4 ,! s\l rema9s possess$ ( s mu* c\rage1 t if x 7 n[ hewn 9 pieces = ,god1 x w\ld be a great consolation to x4 ,?is is ! "t ( resolutions1 ( h]oic det]m9ations1 ( ! liv+ en]gy ( good desires1 ( ! beg9n+ ( hatr$ ( ! _w1 & ( ! mo/ cle> p]ception ( its vanity4 ,! s\l makes great] & high] progress ?an x ev] made be=e 9 ! previ\s /ates ( pray]2 & gr[s 9 humility m & m1 because x sees cle>ly t nei!r = obta9+ nor = reta9+ ?is grace1 great beyond all measure1 has x ev] done1 or ev] be5 able to d1 any?+ ( itself4 ,x looks ^u itself z mo/ unwor?y--= 9 a room into :i* ! sunlight ent]s /rongly1 n a cobweb c be hid2 x sees its own mis]y2 self-conceit is s f> away1 t x seems z if x nev] c\ld h _h any--= n[ its own eyes behold h[ v little x c\ld ev] d1 or r1 t x nev] did any?+1 t x h>dly gave ev5 its own cons5t1 b t x r seem$ z if ! doors ( ! s5ses 7 clos$ aga9/ its w 9 ord] t x might h m abundantly ! fruition ( our ,"l4 ,x is abid+ alone ) ,him3 :at has x to d b to love ,him8 ,x nei!r sees nor he>s1 unless on compulsion3 no ?anks to x4 ,its pa/ life /&s be=e x !n1 toge!r ) ! great m]cy ( ,god1 9 great di/9ctness2 & x is n necess>y = x to g =? to hunt ) ! und]/&+1 because :at x has to eat & rum9ate ^u1 x sees n[ ready prep>$4 ,x sees1 s f> z itself is conc]n$1 t x has des]v$ hell1 & t its puni%m5t is bliss4 ,x undoes itself 9 ! praises ( ,god1 & ,i w\ld gladly undo myself n[4 #c4 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o my ,"l1 :o1 out ( a pool s fil?y z ,i am1 br+e/ =? wat] s clean z to be meet = ,?y table6 ,prais$ be ,?\1 ,o ,joy ( ! ,angels1 :o ha/ be5 ?us pleas$ to exalt s vile a worm6 #d4 ,! good effects ( ?is pray] abide 9 ! s\l = "s "t4 ,n[ t x cle>ly appreh5ds t ! fruit is n its own1 ! s\l c beg9 to %>e x ) o!rs1 & t )\t any loss to itself4 ,x beg9s to %[ signs ( its be+ a s\l t is gu>d+ ! treasures ( heav51 & to be desir\s ( communicat+ !m to o!rs1 #b & to pray to ,god t itself may n be ! only s\l t is ri* 9 !m4 ,x beg9s to b5efit its neighb\rs1 z x 71 )\t be+ aw>e ( x1 or do+ any?+ consci\sly3 its neighb\rs und]/& ! matt]1 because ! od\r ( ! fl[]s has gr[n s /rong z to make !m eag] to approa* !m4 ,!y und]/& t ?is s\l is full ( virtue3 !y see ! fruit1 h[ delici\s x is1 & !y wi% to help t s\l to eat x4 #e4 ,if ?is gr\nd be well dug by tr\bles1 by p]secutions1 detractions1 & infirmities1--!y are few :o asc5d s high )\t ?is1--if x be well brok5 up by great deta*m5t f all self-int]e/1 x w dr9k 9 s mu* wat] t x c h>dly ev] be p>*$ aga94 ,b if x be gr\nd :i* is m]e wa/e1 & cov]$ ) ?orns 7z ,i 0 :5 ,i began72 if ! occasions ( s9 be n avoid$2 if x be an ungrateful soil1 unfitt$ = s great a grace1--x w be p>*$ up aga94 ,if ! g>d5] become c>eless1--& if our ,"l1 out ( ,8 m]e goodness1 w n s5d d[n ra9 ^u x1--! g>d5 is ru9$4 ,?us has x be5 ) me m ?an once1 s t ,i am amaz$ at x2 & if ,i _h n f\nd x s by exp]i5ce1 ,i c\ld n h believ$ x4 #f4 ,i write ?is = ! com=t ( s\ls :i* are weak1 z ,i am1 t !y may nev] despair1 nor cease to tru/ 9 ! p[] ( ,god2 ev5 if !y %\ld fall aft] our ,"l has rais$ !m to s high a degree ( pray] z ?is is1 !y mu/ n be disc\rag$1 unless !y w\ld lose !mselves utt]ly4 ,te>s ga9 ev]y?+1 & "o drop ( wat] attracts ano!r4 #g4 ,"o ( ! reasons t move me1 :o am :at ,i am1 "u ob$i5ce to write ?is1 & give an acc\nt ( my wret*$ life1 & ( ! graces our ,"l has wr\ght 9 me1--?\gh ,i nev] s]v$ ,him1 b (f5d$ ,him r1--is :at ,i h j giv53 &1 c]ta9ly1 ,i wi% ,i 0 a p]son ( great au?ority1 t p might believe :at ,i say4 ,i pray to our ,"l t ,8 ,maje/y w\ld be pleas$ to grant me ?is grace4 ,i repeat x1 let no "o :o has begun to give himself to pray] be disc\rag$1 & say3 ,if ,i fall into s91 x w be worse = me if ,i g on n[ ) ! practice ( pray]4 ,i ?9k s too1 if he gives up pray]1 & does n correct 8 evil ways2 b if he does n give up pray]1 let him be assur$ ( ?is--pray] w br+ him to ! hav5 ( light4 #h4 ,9 ?is ! devil turn$ 8 batt]ies aga9/ me1 & ,i suff]$ s mu* because ,i ?\ght x %[$ b little humility if ,i p]sev]$ 9 pray] :5 ,i 0 s wick$1 t--z ,i h already said #c--;,i gave x up = a ye> & a half--at lea/1 = a ye>1 b ,i d n rememb] di/9ctly ! o!r six mon?s4 ,?is c\ld n h be51 nei!r 0 x1 any?+ else b to ?r[ myself d[n into hell2 !re 0 no ne$ ( any devils to drag me ?i!r4 ,o my ,god1 0 !re ev] bl9dness s great z ?is8 ,h[ well ,satan prep>es 8 measures = 8 purpose1 :5 he pursues u 9 ?is way6 ,! traitor kn[s t he has already lo/ t s\l :i* p]sev]es 9 pray]1 & t e fall :i* he c br+ ab\t helps x1 by ! goodness ( ,god1 to make great] progress 9 ,8 s]vice4 ,satan has "s int]e/ 9 ?is4 #i4 ,o my ,jesus1 :at a sight t mu/ be--a s\l s highly exalt$ fall+ into s91 & rais$ up aga9 by ,!e2 :o1 9 ,?y m]cy1 /ret*e/ =? ,?9e h& to save6 ,h[ su* a s\l confesses ,?y greatness & compassion & its own wret*$ness6 ,x really looks on itself z no?+ness1 & confesses ,?y p[]4 ,x d>es n lift up its eyes2 x raises !m1 inde$1 b x is to ackn[l$ge h[ mu* x owe? unto ,!e4 ,x becomes dev\t to ! ,que5 ( ,heav51 t %e may propitiate ,!e2 x invokes ! ,sa9ts1 :o fell aft] ,?\ had/ call$ !m1 = succ\r4 ,?\ seeme/ n[ to be too b\ntiful 9 ,?y gifts1 because x feels itself to be unwor?y ( ! e>? x treads on4 ,x has rec\rse to ! ,sacram5ts1 to a quick5$ fai?1 :i* abides 9 x at ! contemplation ( ! p[] :i* ,?\ ha/ lodg$ 9 !m4 ,x praises ,!e because ,?\ ha/ left u su* m$ic9es & o9tm5t = our w\nds1 :i* n only heal !m on ! surface1 b remove all traces :atev] ( !m4 #aj4 ,! s\l is amaz$ at x4 ,:o is !re1 ,o ,"l ( my s\l1 t is n amaz$ at compassion s great & m]cy s surpass+1 aft] treason s f\l & s hateful8 ,i "k n h[ x is t my he>t does n break :5 ,i write ?is1 = ,i am wick$4 ,) ^! scanty te>s :i* ,i am n[ weep+1 b yet ,?y gift1--wat] out ( a well1 s f> z x is m9e1 s impure1--,i seem to make ,!e "s recomp5se = trea*]y s great z m9e1 9 t ,i 0 always do+ evil1 lab\r+ to make void ! graces ,?\ ha/ giv5 me4 ,d ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 make my te>s available2 purify ! wat] :i* is s muddy2 at lea/1 let me n be to o!rs a temptation to ra% judgm5ts1 z ,i h be5 to myself1 :5 ,i us$ to ?9k su* ?\ghts z ^!4 ,:y1 ,o ,"l1 do/ ,?\ pass by mo/ holy p]sons1 :o h always s]v$ ,!e1 & :o h be5 tri$2 :o h be5 br\ght up 9 religion1 & are really religi\s--n su* z ,i am1 hav+ only ! "n--s z to make x pla9 t !y are n recipi5ts ( ^? graces :i* ,?\ ha/ be/[$ ^u me8 #aa4 ,i see cle>ly n[1 ,o ,?\ my ,good1 ,?\ ha/ kept ! rew>d to give x !m all at once3 my weakness has ne$ ( ^! succ\rs4 ,!y1 be+ /rong1 s]ve ,!e )\t !m1 & ,?\ deale/ ) !m z ) a /rong race1 free f all self-int]e/4 ,b yet ,?\ kn[e/1 ,o my ,"l1 t ,i h (t5 cri$ unto ,!e1 mak+ excuses = ^? :o murmur$ aga9/ me2 = ,i ?\ght !y _h reason on _! side4 ,?is ,i did !n :5 ,?\ ( ,?y goodness had/ kept me back f (f5d+ ,!e s mu*1 & :5 ,i 0 dep>t+ f ev]y?+ :i* ,i ?\ght displeas+ unto ,!e4 ,x 0 :5 ,i did ?is t ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 did/ beg9 to lay op5 ,?y treasures = ,?y s]vant4 ,x seem$ z if ,?\ w]t look+ = no?+ else b t ,i %\ld be will+ & ready to receive !m2 accord+ly1 ,?\ did/ beg9 at once1 n only to give !m1 b also to make o!rs "k t ,?\ w]t giv+ !m4 #ab4 ,:5 ?is 0 kn[n1 !re began to prevail a good op9ion ( h]1 ( :om all _h n yet cle>ly und]/ood h[ wick$ %e 01 ?\gh mu* ( t wick$ness 0 pla9 en\gh4 ,calumny & p]secution began at once1 &1 z ,i ?9k1 ) good reason2 s ,i look$ on none ( !m z an enemy1 b made my supplications to ,!e1 implor+ ,!e to consid] ! gr\nds !y _h4 ,!y said t ,i wi%$ to be a sa9t1 & t ,i inv5t$ novelties2 b ,i _h n !n atta9$ 9 _m ?+s ev5 to ! obs]vance ( my rule2 nor _h ,i come ne> ^? excell5t & holy nuns :o 7 9 ! h\se1--& ,i d n believe ,i ev] %all1 if ,god ( ,8 goodness w n d t = me ,himself2 on ! contr>y1 ,i 0 !re only to d away ) :at 0 good1 & introduce cu/oms :i* 7 n good2 at lea/1 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to br+ !m 91 & ,i 0 v p[]ful = evil4 ,?us x 0 t !y 7 blameless1 :5 !y blam$ me4 ,i d n mean ! nuns only1 b ! o!rs z well3 !y told me tru?s2 = x 0 ,?y w4 #ac4 ,i 0 once say+ ! ,(fice1--,i _h _h ?is temptation = "s "t1--& :5 ,i came to ^! words1 ,ju/us es1 ,dom9e1 et rectum judicium tuum1 #d ,i began to ?9k :at a deep tru? x 04 ,satan nev] 0 /rong en\gh to tempt me 9 any way to d\bt ( ,?y goodness1 or ( any article ( ! fai?3 on ! contr>y1 x seems to me t ! m ^! tru?s 7 above nature1 ! m firmly ,i held !m1 & my devotion grew2 :5 ,i ?\ght ( ,?y omnipot5ce1 ,i accept$ all ,?y wond]ful works1 & ,i say x aga91 ,i nev] _h a d\bt4 ,!n1 z ,i 0 ?9k+ h[ x c\ld be j 9 ,!e to all[ s _m1 :o1 z ,i said1 are ,?y mo/ fai?ful s]vants1 to rema9 )\t ^? consolations & graces :i* ,?\ ha/ giv5 to me1 :o am :at ,i am1 ,?\1 ,o my ,"l1 did/ answ] me3 ,s]ve ?\ ,me1 & m$dle n ) ?is4 #ad4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ ^w :i* ,i ev] he>d ,!e speak to me1 & x made me greatly afraid4 ,b z ,i %all speak h]eaft] #e ( ?is way ( he>+1 & ( o!r matt]s1 ,i say no?+ "h2 = to d s w\ld be to digress f my subject1 & ,i h already made digressions en\gh4 ,i sc>cely "k :at ,i h said1 nor c x be o!rwise2 b y1 my fa!r1 mu/ be> ) ^! int]ruptions2 = :5 ,i consid] :at ,god mu/ h borne ) f me1 & :5 ,i see ! /ate ,i am 91 x is n /range t ,i %\ld w&] 9 :at ,i am say+1 & :at ,i h /ill to say4 #ae4 ,may x please our ,"l t my w&]+s may be ( ?is k9d1 & may ,8 ,maje/y nev] suff] me to h /r5g? to resi/ ,him ev5 9 ! lea/2 yea1 r ?an t1 may ,he de/roy me ?is mom5t4 ,x is evid5ce en\gh ( ,8 great compassions1 t ,he has =giv5 s mu* +ratitude1 n once1 b (t54 ,he =gave ,/4 ,pet] once2 b ,i h be5 =giv5 _m times4 ,satan _h good reasons = tempt+ me3 ,i ought nev] to h pret5d$ to a /rict fri5d%ip ) ,"o1 my hatr$ ( :om ,i made s public4 ,0 !re ev] bl9dness s great z m9e8 ,:]e c\ld ,i ?9k ,i %\ld f9d help b 9 ,!e8 ,:at folly to run away f ! light1 to be = ev] /umbl+6 ,:at a pr\d humility 0 t :i* ,satan devis$ = me1 :5 ,i ceas$ to lean ^u ! pill>1 & ?rew ! /aff away :i* support$ me1 9 ord] t my fall might n be great6 #f #af4 ,i make ! sign ( ! cross ?is mom5t4 ,i d n ?9k ,i ev] escap$ s great a dang] z ?is device ( ,satan1 :i* he w\ld h impos$ ^u me 9 ! disguise ( humility4 #g ,he fill$ me ) su* ?\ghts z ^!3 ,h[ c\ld ,i make my pray]1 :o 0 s wick$1 & yet _h receiv$ s _m m]cies8 ,x 0 en\gh = me to recite ! ,(fice1 z all o!rs did2 b z ,i did n t mu* well1 h[ c\ld ,i desire to d m8 ,i 0 n rev]5tial en\gh1 & made too little ( ! m]cies ( ,god4 ,!re 0 no h>m 9 ^! ?\ghts & feel+s 9 !mselves2 b to act ^u !m1 t 0 an exce$+ly great wick$ness4 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o ,"l2 = ,?\ came/ to my help4 ,?is seems to me to be 9 pr9ciple ! temptation ( ,judas1 only t ,satan did n d>e to tempt me s op5ly4 ,b he might h l$ me by little & little1 z he l$ ,judas1 to ! same pit ( de/ruction4 #ag4 ,let all ^? :o give !mselves to pray]1 = ! love ( ,god1 look well to ?is4 ,!y %\ld "k t :5 ,i 0 neglect+ x1 my life 0 mu* worse ?an x _h ev] be52 let !m reflect on ! excell5t help & ! pleasant humility :i* ,satan provid$ = me3 x 0 a grave int]ior disquietude4 ,b h[ c\ld my _s be quiet8 ,x 0 go+ away 9 its mis]y f its true re/4 ,i rememb]$ ! graces & m]cies ,i _h receiv$1 & felt t ! joys ( ?is _w 7 loa?some4 ,i am a/oni%$ t ,i 0 able to be> x4 ,x mu/ h be5 ! hope ,i _h2 =1 z well z ,i c rememb] n[1 x is m ?an tw5ty-"o ye>s ago4 ,i d n ?9k ,i ev] gave up my purpose ( resum+ my pray]2 b ,i 0 wait+ to be v free f s9 fir/4 #ah4 ,oh1 h[ delud$ ,i 0 9 ?is expectation6 ,! devil w\ld h held x out be=e me till ! day ( judgm5t1 t he might !n take me ) him to hell4 ,!n1 :5 ,i appli$ myself to pray] & to spiritual read+1--:]eby ,i might p]ceive ^! tru?s1 & ! evil nature ( ! way ,i 0 walk+ 91 & 0 (t5 importunate ) our ,"l 9 te>s1--,i 0 s wick$1 t x avail$ me no?+2 :5 ,i gave t up1 & wa/$ my "t 9 amus+ myself1 9 great dang] ( fall+ into s91 & ) scanty helps1--& ,i may v5ture to say no help at all1 unless x 0 a help to my ru91--:at c\ld ,i expect b t ( :i* ,i h spok58 #ai4 ,i believe t a c]ta9 ,dom9ican fri>1 a mo/ le>n$ man1 has greatly m]it$ 9 ! eyes ( ,god2 = x 0 he :o r\s$ me f ?is slumb]4 ,he made me--,i ?9k ,i said s be=e #h--;g to ,communion once a =tnight1 & be less giv5 to evil2 ,i began to be conv]t$1 ?\gh ,i did n cease to (f5d our ,"l all at once3 h[ev]1 z ,i _h n lo/ my way1 ,i walk$ on 9 x1 ?\gh sl[ly1 fall+ & ris+ aga92 & he :o does n cease to walk & press onw>ds1 arrives at la/1 ev5 if late4 ,to lose "o's way is--s x seems to me--no?+ else b ! giv+ up ( pray]4 ,god1 ( ,8 m]cy1 keeps u f ?is6 #bj4 ,x is cle> f ?is1--&1 = ! love ( ,god1 consid] x well1--t a s\l1 ?\gh x may receive great graces f ,god 9 pray]1 mu/ nev] rely on itself1 because x may fall1 nor expose itself 9 any way :atev] to any risks ( s94 ,?is %\ld be well consid]$ because mu* dep5ds on x2 = ! delusion "h1 :]e9 ,satan is able to entangle u aft]w>ds1 ?\gh ! grace be really f ,god1 lies 9 ! traitor's mak+ use ( t v grace1 s f> z he c1 = 8 own purpose1 & p>ticul>ly aga9/ p]sons n gr[n /rong 9 virtues1 :o are nei!r mortifi$ nor deta*$2 = ^! are n at pres5t /rong en\gh--z ,i %all expla9 h]eaft] #i--to expose !mselves to dang]\s occasions1 not)/&+ ! noble desires & resolutions !y may h4 #ba4 ,?is doctr9e is excell5t1 & n m9e1 b ! tea*+ ( ,god1 & accord+ly ,i wi% ignorant p l myself knew x2 = ev5 if a s\l 7 9 ?is /ate1 x mu/ n rely s mu* ^u itself z to g =? to ! battle1 because x w h en\gh to d 9 def5d+ itself4 ,def5sive arm\r is ! pres5t necessity2 ! s\l is n yet /rong en\gh to assail ,satan1 & to trample him "u foot1 z ^? are :o are 9 ! /ate ( :i* ,i %all speak fur!r on4 #aj #bb4 ,?is is ! delusion by :i* ,satan prevails3 :5 a s\l sees itself s ne> unto ,god1 :5 x sees ! diff]5ce !re is betwe5 ! ?+s ( heav5 & ^? ( e>?1 & :5 x sees ! love :i* our ,"l be>s x1 !re gr[s out ( t love a c]ta9 tru/ & confid5ce t !re is to be no fall+ away f t ! fruition ( :i* x !n possesses4 ,x seems to see ! rew>d di/9ctly1 z if x 7 impossible = x to ab&on t :i*1 ev5 9 ?is life1 is s delici\s & sweet1 = any?+ s mean & impure z worldly joy4 ,?r\gh ?is confid5ce1 ,satan robs x ( t di/ru/ :i* x ought to h 9 itself2 & s1 z ,i h j said1 #aa ! s\l exposes itself to dang]s1 & beg9s1 9 ! fulness ( its zeal1 to give away )\t discretion ! fruit ( its g>d51 ?9k+ t n[ x has no reason to be afraid = itself4 ,yet ?is does n come out ( pride2 = ! s\l cle>ly und]/&s t ( itself x c d no good ?+2 b r out ( an excessive confid5ce 9 ,god1 )\t discretion3 because ! s\l does n see itself to be unfl$g$4 ,x c g =? out ( its ne/1 & ,god ,himself may take x out1 b /ill x _c fly1 because ! virtues are n /rong1 & itself has no exp]i5ce :]e) to disc]n ! dang]s2 nor is x aw>e ( ! evil :i* tru/+ to itself may d x4 #bc4 ,?is x 0 t ru9$ me4 ,n[1 to und]/& ?is1 & ev]y?+ else 9 ! spiritual life1 we h great ne$ ( a director1 & ( conf]5ce ) spiritual p]sons4 ,i fully believe1 ) respect to t s\l :i* ,god raises to ?is /ate1 t ,he w n cease to be graci\s to x1 nor suff] x to be lo/1 if x does n utt]ly =sake ,8 ,maje/y4 ,b :5 t s\l--z ,i said--falls1 let x look to x aga9 & aga91 = ! love ( our ,"l1 t ,satan deceive x n by tempt+ x to give up pray]1 z he tempt$ me1 ?r\gh t false humility ( :i* ,i h spok5 be=e1 #ab & w\ld gladly speak ( aga9 & aga94 ,let x rely on ! goodness ( ,god1 :i* is great] ?an all ! evil we c d4 ,:5 we1 ackn[l$g+ our own vil5ess1 desire to return into ,8 grace1 ,he rememb]s our +ratitude no m1--no1 n ev5 ! graces ,he has giv5 u1 = ! purpose ( *a/is+ u1 because ( our misuse ( !m2 yea1 r1 !y help to procure our p>don ! soon]1 z ( p]sons :o h be5 memb]s ( ,8 h\sehold1 & :o1 z !y say1 h eat5 ( ,8 bread4 #bd4 ,let !m rememb] ,8 words1 & behold :at ,he ha? done unto me1 :o grew we>y ( s9n+ be=e ,he grew we>y ( =giv+4 ,he is nev] we>y ( giv+1 nor c ,8 compassion be exhau/$4 ,let u n gr[ we>y ourselves ( receiv+4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]1 ,am52 & may all creat$ ?+s praise ,him6 #a4 ,see *4 xx4 #b4 #b4 ,see *4 xvii4 #c4 #c4 ,*4 vii4 #ag1 & *4 viii4 #e4 #d4 ,psalm cxviii4 #acg3 ,?\ art j1 ,o ,"l1 & ,?y judgm5t is "r4 #e4 ,see *4 xxv4 #f4 ,see *4 viii4 #a4 #g4 ,*4 vii4 #ag4 #h4 ,*4 vii4 #bg4 #i4 ,*4 xxxi4 #ba4 #aj4 ,*4 xx4 #cc1 & *4 xxv4 #bd4 #aa4 ,*4 xix4 #d4 #ab4 ,see #af4 ,*apt] ,,xx4 ,! ,diff]5ce ,betwe5 ,union & ,rapture4 ,:at ,rapture ,is4 ,! ,bless+ ,x ,is to ! ,s\l4 ,! ,effects ( ,x4 #a4 ,i wi% ,i c\ld expla91 ) ! help ( ,god1 :]e9 union diff]s f rapture1 or f transport1 or f flight ( ! _s1 z !y speak1 or f a trance1 :i* are all "o4 #a ,i mean1 t all ^! are only diff]5t names = t "o & ! same ?+1 :i* is also call$ ec/asy4 #b ,x is m excell5t ?an union1 ! fruits ( x are mu* great]1 & its o!r op]ations m manifold2 = union is uni=m 9 ! beg9n+1 ! middle1 & ! end1 & is s also int]iorly4 ,b z raptures h ends ( a mu* high] k9d1 !y produce effects bo? )9 & )\t4 #c ,z our ,"l has expla9$ ! o!r matt]s1 s also may ,he expla9 ?is2 = c]ta9ly1 if ,he _h n %[n me 9 :at way & by :at means ?is explanation 0 9 "s measure possible1 ,i %\ld nev] h be5 able to d x4 #b4 ,consid] we n[ t ?is la/ wat]1 ( :i* ,i am speak+1 is s abundant t1 7 x n t ! gr\nd refuses to receive x1 we might suppose t ! cl\d ( ,8 great ,maje/y is "h ra9+ d[n ^u u on e>?4 ,& :5 we are giv+ ,him ?anks = ?is great m]cy1 draw+ ne> to ,him 9 e>ne/1 ) all our might1 !n x is our ,"l draws up ! s\l1 z ! cl\ds1 s to speak1 ga!r ! mi/s f ! face ( ! e>?1 & c>ries x away out ( itself1--,i h he>d x said t ! cl\ds1 or ! sun1 draw ! mi/s toge!r1 #d--;& z a cl\d1 ris+ up to heav51 takes ! s\l ) ,him1 & beg9s to %[ x ! treasures ( ! k+dom :i* ,he has prep>$ = x4 ,i "k n :e!r ! comp>ison be accurate or n2 b ! fact is1 t is ! way 9 :i* x is br\ght ab\t4 ,dur+ rapture1 ! s\l does n seem to animate ! body1 ! natural heat ( :i* is p]ceptibly less5$2 ! coldness increases1 ?\gh accompani$ ) exce$+ joy & sweetness4 #e #c4 ,a rapture is absolutely irresi/ible2 :il/ union1 inasmu* z we are !n on our own gr\nd1 may be h9d]$1 ?\gh t resi/ance be pa9ful & viol5t2 x is1 h[ev]1 almo/ always impossible4 ,b rapture1 = ! mo/ "p1 is irresi/ible4 ,x comes1 9 g5]al1 z a %ock1 quick & %>p1 be=e y c collect y\r ?\ghts1 or help y\rself 9 any way1 & y see & feel x z a cl\d1 or a /rong eagle ris+ upw>ds1 & c>ry+ y away on its w+s4 #d4 ,i repeat x3 y feel & see y\rself c>ri$ away1 y "k n :i!r4 ,= ?\gh we feel h[ delici\s x is1 yet ! weakness ( our nature makes u afraid at fir/1 & we require a mu* m resolute & c\rage\s _s ?an 9 ! previ\s /ates1 9 ord] to risk ev]y?+1 come :at may1 & to ab&on ourselves into ! h&s ( ,god1 & g will+ly :i!r we are c>ri$1 see+ t we mu/ be c>ri$ away1 h[ev] pa9ful x may be2 & s try+ is x1 t ,i w\ld v (t5 resi/1 & ex]t all my /r5g?1 p>ticul>ly at ^? times :5 ! rapture 0 com+ on me 9 public4 ,i did s1 too1 v (t5 :5 ,i 0 alone1 because ,i 0 afraid ( delusions4 ,occasionally ,i 0 able1 by great ef=ts1 to make a slight resi/ance2 b aft]w>ds ,i 0 worn out1 l a p]son :o _h be5 cont5d+ ) a /rong giant2 at o!r times x 0 impossible to resi/ at all3 my s\l 0 c>ri$ away1 & almo/ always my head ) x1--,i _h no p[] ov] x1--& n[ & !n ! :ole body z well1 s t x 0 lift$ up f ! gr\nd4 #e4 ,?is has n happ5$ to me (t53 once1 h[ev]1 x took place :5 we 7 all toge!r 9 *oir1 & ,i1 on my knees1 on ! po9t ( communicat+4 ,x 0 a v sore di/ress to me2 = ,i ?\ght x a mo/ extraord9>y ?+1 & 0 afraid x w\ld occasion mu* talk2 s ,i comm&$ ! nuns--= x happ5$ aft] ,i 0 made ,prioress--nev] to speak ( x4 ,b at o!r times1 ! mom5t ,i felt t our ,"l 0 ab\t to repeat ! act1 & once1 9 p>ticul>1 dur+ a s]mon1--x 0 ! fea/ ( our h\se1 "s great ladies be+ pres5t1--,i ?rew myself on ! gr\nd2 !n ! nuns came ar\nd me to hold me2 b /ill ! rapture 0 obs]v$4 #f4 ,i made _m supplications to our ,"l1 t ,he w\ld be pleas$ to give me no m ( ^? graces :i* 7 outw>dly visible2 = ,i 0 we>y ( liv+ "u su* great re/ra9t1 & because ,8 ,maje/y c\ld n be/[ su* graces on me )\t _! becom+ kn[n4 ,x seems t1 ( ,8 goodness1 ,he has be5 pleas$ to he> my pray]2 = ,i h nev] be5 enraptur$ s9ce4 ,x is true t x 0 n long ago4 #f #g4 ,x seem$ to me1 :5 ,i tri$ to make "s resi/ance1 z if a great =ce b5ea? my feet lift$ me up4 ,i "k ( no?+ ) :i* to comp>e x2 b x 0 mu* m viol5t ?an ! o!r spiritual visitations1 & ,i 0 !re=e z "o gr\nd to pieces2 = x is a great /ruggle1 &1 9 %ort1 ( little use1 :5ev] our ,"l s wills x4 ,!re is no p[] aga9/ ,8 p[]4 #h4 ,at o!r times ,he is pleas$ to be satisfi$ :5 ,he makes u see t ,he is ready to give u ?is grace1 & t x is n ,he t )holds x4 ,!n1 :5 we resi/ x out ( humility1 ,he produces ^? v effects :i* w\ld h result$ if we _h fully cons5t$ to x4 #i4 ,! effects ( rapture are great3 "o is t ! mighty p[] ( our ,"l is manife/$2 & z we are n /rong en\gh1 :5 ,8 ,maje/y wills x1 to control ei!r s\l or body1 s nei!r h we any p[] ov] x2 b1 :e!r we l x or n1 we see t !re is "o mighti] ?an we are1 t ^! graces are ,8 gifts1 & t ( ourselves we c d no?+ :atev]2 & humility is deeply impr9t$ 9 u4 ,& fur!r1 ,i confess t x ?rew me into great fe>1 v great inde$ at fir/2 = :5 ,i saw my body ?us lift$ up f ! e>?1 h[ c\ld ,i help x8 ,?\gh ! _s draws x upw>ds aft] itself1 & t ) great sweetness1 if unresi/$1 ! s5ses are n lo/2 at lea/1 ,i 0 s mu* myself z to be able to see t ,i 0 be+ lift$ up4 ,! maje/y ( ,him :o c effect ?is s manife/s itself1 t ! hairs ( my head /& upright1 #g & a great fe> comes ^u me ( (f5d+ ,god1 :o is s mighty4 ,?is fe> is b\nd up 9 exce$+ly great love1 :i* is acquir$ anew1 & direct$ to ,him1 :o1 we see1 be>s s great a love to a worm s vile1 & :o seems n to be satisfi$ ) attract+ ! s\l to ,himself 9 s real a way1 b :o w h ! body also1 ?\gh x be mortal & ( e>? s f\l1 su* z x is ?r\gh our s9s1 :i* are s great4 #aj4 ,rapture leaves beh9d a c]ta9 /range deta*m5t also1 :i* ,i %all nev] be able to describe2 ,i ?9k ,i c say t x is 9 "s respects diff]5t f--yea1 high] ?an--! o!r graces1 :i* are simply spiritual2 = ?\gh ^! effect a complete deta*m5t 9 _s f all ?+s1 x seems t 9 ?is ( rapture our ,"l w\ld h ! body itself to be deta*$ also3 & ?us a c]ta9 s+ul> e/rangem5t f ! ?+s ( e>? is wr\ght1 :i* makes life mu* m di/ress+4 ,aft]w>ds x causes a pa91 :i* we c nev] inflict ( ourselves1 nor remove :5 once x has come4 #aa4 ,i %\ld l v mu* to expla9 ?is great pa91 & ,i believe ,i %all n be able2 h[ev]1 ,i w say some?+ if ,i c4 ,& x is to be obs]v$ t ?is is my pres5t /ate1 & "o to :i* ,i h be5 br\ght v lately1 aft] all ! visions & revelations ( :i* ,i %all speak1 & aft] t "t1 :]e9 ,i gave myself to pray]1 9 :i* our ,"l gave me s mu* sweetness & delight4 #h ,ev5 n[ ,i h t sweetness occasionally2 b x is ! pa9 ( :i* ,i speak t is ! mo/ frequ5t & ! mo/ common4 ,x v>ies 9 its int5sity4 ,i w n[ speak ( x :5 x is %>pe/2 = ,i %all speak lat] on #i ( ! great %ocks ,i us$ to feel :5 our ,"l w\ld ?r[ me into ^? trances1 & :i* are1 9 my op9ion1 z diff]5t f ?is pa9 z ! mo/ corporeal ?+ is f ! mo/ spiritual2 & ,i believe t ,i am n exagg]at+ mu*4 ,= ?\gh ! s\l feels t pa91 x is 9 company ) ! body2 #aj bo? s\l & body app>5tly %>e x1 & x is n att5d$ ) t extremity ( ab&onm5t :i* belongs to ?is4 #ab4 ,z ,i said be=e1 #aa we h no "p 9 caus+ ?is pa92 b v (t5 !re spr+s up a desire unexpect$ly1--,i "k n h[ x comes1--& because ( ?is desire1 :i* pi]ces ! s\l 9 a mom5t1 ! s\l beg9s to be we>i$1 s mu* s t x rises upw>ds above itself1 & above all creat$ ?+s4 ,god !n s /rips x ( ev]y?+1 t1 d :at x may1 !re is no?+ on e>? t c be its companion4 ,nei!r1 inde$1 w\ld x wi% to h any2 x w\ld r die 9 t lonel9ess4 ,if p spoke to x1 & if itself made e ef=t possible to speak1 x w\ld be ( little use3 ! _s1 not)/&+ all x may d1 _c be )drawn f t lonel9ess2 & ?\gh ,god seems1 z x 71 f> away f ! s\l at t mom5t1 yet ,he reveals ,8 gr&eurs at times 9 ! /range/ way conceivable4 ,t way is indescribable2 ,i d n ?9k any "o c believe or compreh5d x :o has n previ\sly _h exp]i5ce ( x4 ,x is a communication made1 n to console1 b to %[ ! reason :y ! s\l mu/ be we>y2 because x is f> away f ! ,good :i* 9 itself compreh5ds all good4 #ac4 ,9 ?is communication ! desire gr[s1 s also does ! bitt]ness ( t lonel9ess :]e9 ! s\l beholds itself1 suff]+ a pa9 s %>p & pi]c+ t1 9 t v lonel9ess 9 :i* x dwells1 x may lit]ally say ( itself1--& p]haps ! royal prophet said s1 be+ 9 t v lonel9ess himself1 except t our ,"l may h grant$ to him1 be+ a sa9t1 to feel x m deeply1--,vigilavi1 et factus sum sicut pass] solit>ius 9 tecto4 #ab ,^! words pres5t$ !mselves to me 9 su* a way t ,i ?\ght ,i saw !m fulfill$ 9 myself4 ,x 0 a com=t to "k t o!rs _h felt ?is extreme lonel9ess2 h[ mu* great] my com=t1 :5 ^! p]sons 7 su* z ,david 06 ,! s\l is !n--s ,i ?9k--n 9 itself1 b on ! h\se-top1 or on ! ro(1 above itself1 & above all creat$ ?+s2 = x seems to me to h its dwell+ high] ?an ev5 9 ! highe/ "p ( itself4 #ad4 ,on o!r occasions1 ! s\l seems to be1 z x 71 9 ! utmo/ extremity ( ne$1 ask+ itself1 & say+1 ,:]e is ,?y ,god8 #ac ,& x is to be rememb]$1 t ,i did n "k h[ to express 9 ,spani% ! mean+ ( ^? words4 ,aft]w>ds1 :5 ,i und]/ood :at x 01 ,i us$ to console myself ) ! ?\ght1 t our ,"l1 )\t any ef=t ( m9e1 _h made me rememb] !m4 ,at o!r times1 ,i us$ to recollect a say+ ( ,/4 ,paul's1 to ! effect t he 0 crucifi$ to ! _w4 #ad ,i d n mean t ?is is true ( me3 ,i "k x is n2 b ,i ?9k x is ! /ate ( ! enraptur$ s\l4 ,no consolation rea*es x f heav51 & x is n !re itself2 x wi%es = none f e>?1 & x is n !re ei!r2 b x is1 z x 71 crucifi$ betwe5 heav5 & e>?1 endur+ its passion3 receiv+ no succ\r f ei!r4 #ae4 ,n[1 ! succ\r x receives f heav5--:i*1 z ,i h said1 #ae is a mo/ m>vell\s k ( ,god1 above all t we c desire--br+s ) x great] pa92 = ! desire !n s gr[s1 t1 9 my op9ion1 its int5se pa9fulness n[ & !n robs ! s\l ( all s5sation2 only1 x la/s b = a %ort "t aft] ! s5ses are susp5d$4 ,x seems z if x 7 ! po9t ( dea?2 only1 ! agony c>ries ) x s great a joy1 t ,i "k ( no?+ :]e) to comp>e x4 ,x is a %>p m>tyrdom1 full ( sweetness2 = if any e>?ly ?+ be !n (f]$ to ! s\l1 ev5 ?\gh x may be t :i* x habitually f\nd mo/ sweet1 ! s\l w h none ( x2 yea1 x seems to ?r[ x away at once4 ,! s\l sees di/9ctly t x seeks no?+ b ,god2 yet its love dwells n on any attribute ( ,him 9 p>ticul>2 x seeks ,him z ,he is1 & kn[s n :at x seeks4 ,i say t x kn[s n1 because ! imag9ation =ms no repres5tation :atev]2 &1 inde$1 z ,i ?9k1 dur+ mu* ( t "t ! faculties are at re/4 ,pa9 susp5ds !m !n1 z joy susp5ds !m 9 union & 9 a trance4 #af4 ,o ,jesus6 oh1 t "s "o w\ld cle>ly expla9 ?is to y1 my fa!r1 7 x only t y may tell me :at x means1 because ?is is ! habitual /ate ( my s\l6 ,g5]ally1 :5 ,i am n p>ticul>ly occupi$1 ,i fall into ^! agonies ( dea?1 & ,i tremble :5 ,i feel !m com+ on1 because !y are n unto dea?4 ,b :5 ,i am 9 !m1 ,i !n wi% to sp5d !re9 all ! re/ ( my life1 ?\gh ! pa9 be s v great1 t ,i c sc>cely endure x4 ,sometimes my pulse ceases1 z x 71 to beat at all1--s ! si/]s say1 :o sometimes approa* me1 & :o n[ und]/& ! matt] bett]1--my bones are rack$1 & my h&s become s rigid1 t ,i _c always jo9 !m4 ,ev5 on ! foll[+ day ,i h a pa9 9 my wri/s1 & ov] my :ole body1 z if my bones 7 out ( jo9t4 #af ,well1 ,i ?9k sometimes1 if x cont9ues z at pres5t1 t x w end1 9 ! good pleasure ( our ,"l1 by putt+ an end to my life2 = ! pa9 seems to me %>p en\gh to cause dea?2 only1 ,i d n des]ve x4 #ag4 ,all my anxiety at ^! times is t ,i %\ld die3 ,i d n ?9k ( purgatory1 nor ( ! great s9s ,i h committ$1 & by :i* ,i h des]v$ hell4 ,i =get ev]y?+ 9 my eag]ness to see ,god2 & ?is ab&onm5t & lonel9ess seem pref]able to any company 9 ! _w4 ,if any?+ c be a consolation 9 ?is /ate1 x is to speak to "o :o has pass$ ?r\gh ?is trial1 see+ t1 ?\gh ! s\l may compla9 ( x1 no "o seems dispos$ to believe 9 x4 #ah4 ,! s\l is torm5t$ also because ! pa9 has increas$ s mu*1 t x seeks solitude no long]1 z x did be=e1 nor companion%ip1 unless x be t ( ^? to :om x may make its compla9t4 ,x is n[ l a p]son1 :o1 hav+ a rope ar\nd 8 neck1 & be+ /rangl$1 tries to brea!4 ,?is desire ( companion%ip seems to me to proce$ f our weakness2 =1 z pa9 br+s ) x ! risk ( dea?1--:i* x c]ta9ly does2 = ,i h be5 occasionally 9 dang] ( dea?1 9 my great sickness & infirmities1 z ,i h said be=e1 #ag & ,i ?9k ,i may say t ?is pa9 is z great z any1--s ! desire n to be p>t$1 :i* possesses s\l & body1 is t :i* raises ! cry = succ\r 9 ord] to brea!1 & by speak+ ( x1 by compla9+1 & di/ract+ itself1 causes ! s\l to seek means ( liv+ v mu* aga9/ ! w ( ! _s1 or ! high] "p ( ! s\l1 :i* w\ld n wi% to be deliv]$ f ?is pa94 #ai4 ,i am n sure t ,i am correct 9 :at ,i say1 nor d ,i "k h[ to express myself1 b to ! be/ ( my k x comes to pass 9 ?is way4 ,see1 my fa!r1 :at re/ ,i c h 9 ?is life1 n[ t :at ,i once _h 9 pray] & lonel9ess--!re9 our ,"l us$ to com=t me--has become 9 g5]al a torm5t ( ?is k9d2 :ile1 at ! same "t1 x is s full ( sweetness1 t ! s\l1 disc]n+ its ine/imable wor?1 pref]s x to all ^? consolations :i* x =m]ly _h4 ,x seems also to be a saf] /ate1 because x is ! way ( ! cross2 & involves1 9 my op9ion1 a joy ( exce$+ wor?1 because ! /ate ( ! body 9 x is only pa94 ,x is ! s\l t suff]s & exults alone 9 t joy & cont5tm5t :i* suff]+ supplies4 #bj4 ,i "k n h[ ?is c be1 b s x is2 x comes f ! h& ( our ,"l1 &1 z ,i said be=e1 #ah is n any?+ t ,i h acquir$ myself1 because x is exce$+ly sup]natural1 & ,i ?9k ,i w\ld n b>t] x = all ! graces ( :i* ,i %all speak fur!r on3 ,i d n say = all ( !m toge!r1 b = any "o ( !m sep>ately4 ,& x mu/ n be =gott5 t1 z ,i h j said1 ^! impetuosities came ^u me aft] ,i _h receiv$ ^? graces f our ,"l #ai :i* ,i am speak+ ( n[1 & all ^? describ$ 9 ?is book1 & x is 9 ?is /ate our ,"l keeps me at ?is mom5t4 #bj #ba4 ,9 ! beg9n+ ,i 0 afraid--x happ5s to me to be almo/ always s :5 our ,"l leads me by a new way1 until ,8 ,maje/y reassures me z ,i proce$--& s our ,"l bade me n to fe>1 b to e/eem ?is grace m ?an all ! o!rs ,he _h giv5 me2 = ! s\l 0 purifi$ by ?is pa9--burni%$1 or ref9$ z gold 9 ! crucible1 s t x might be ! bett] enamell$ ) ,8 gifts1 & ! dross burnt away 9 ?is life1 :i* w\ld h to be burnt away 9 purgatory4 #bb4 ,i und]/ood p]fectly t ?is pa9 0 a great grace2 b ,i 0 mu* m c]ta9 ( x n[ & my confessor tells me ,i did well4 ,& ?\gh ,i 0 afraid1 because ,i 0 s wick$1 ,i nev] c\ld believe x 0 any?+ wrong3 on ! o!r h&1 ! exce$+ greatness ( ! bless+ made me afraid1 :5 ,i call$ to m9d h[ little ,i _h des]v$ x4 ,bless$ be our ,"l1 :o is s good6 ,am54 #bc4 ,i h1 x seems1 w&]$ f my subject2 = ,i began by speak+ ( raptures1 & t ( :i* ,i h be5 speak+ is ev5 m ?an a rapture1 & ! effects ( x are :at ,i h describ$4 ,n[ let u return to raptures1 & speak ( _! ord9>y *>act]i/ics4 ,i h to say t1 :5 ! rapture 0 ov]1 my body seem$ frequ5tly to be buoyant1 z if all weight _h dep>t$ f x2 s mu* s1 t n[ & !n ,i sc>cely knew t my feet t\*$ ! gr\nd4 ,b dur+ ! rapture itself ! body is v (t5 z if x 7 dead1 p]fectly p[]less4 ,x cont9ues 9 ! position x 0 9 :5 ! rapture came ^u x--if sitt+1 sitt+2 if ! h&s 7 op51 or if !y 7 %ut1 !y w rema9 op5 or %ut4 #ba ,= ?\gh ! s5ses fail b r>ely1 x has happ5$ to me occasionally to lose !m :olly--seldom1 h[ev]1 & !n only = a %ort "t4 ,b 9 g5]al !y are 9 disord]2 & ?\gh !y h no p[] :atev] to deal ) outw>d ?+s1 !re rema9s ! p[] ( he>+ & see+2 b x is z if ! ?+s he>d & se5 7 at a great di/ance1 f> away4 #bd4 ,i d n say t ! s\l sees & he>s :5 ! rapture is at ! highe/1--,i mean by at ! highe/1 :5 ! faculties are lo/1 because pr(\ndly unit$ ) ,god1--= !n x nei!r sees1 nor he>s1 nor p]ceives1 z ,i believe2 b1 z ,i said ( ! previ\s pray] ( union1 #bb ?is utt] trans=mation ( ! s\l 9 ,god cont9ues only = an in/ant2 yet :ile x cont9ues no faculty ( ! s\l is aw>e ( x1 or kn[s :at is pass+ !re4 ,nor c x be und]/ood :ile we are liv+ on ! e>?--at lea/1 ,god w n h u und]/& x1 because we mu/ be incapable ( und]/&+ x4 ,i "k x by exp]i5ce4 #be4 ,y1 my fa!r1 w ask me3 ,h[ comes x1 !n1 t a rapture occasionally la/s s _m h\rs8 ,:at has (t5 happ5$ to me is ?is1--,i spoke ( x be=e1 :5 writ+ ( ! previ\s /ate ( pray]1 #bc--! rapture is n cont9u\s1 ! s\l is frequ5tly absorb$1 or1 to speak m correctly1 our ,"l absorbs x 9 ,himself2 & :5 ,he has held x ?us = a mom5t1 ! w alone rema9s 9 union ) ,him4 ,! movem5ts ( ! two o!r faculties seem to me to be l ^? ( ! ne$le ( sun-dials1 :i* is nev] at re/2 yet :5 ! ,sun ( ,ju/ice w h x s1 ,he c hold x /ill4 #bf4 ,?is ,i speak ( la/s b a mom5t2 yet1 z ! impulse & ! uprais+ ( ! _s 7 vehem5t1 & ?\gh ! o!r faculties be/ir !mselves aga91 ! w cont9ues absorb$1 & causes ?is op]ation 9 ! body1 z if x 7 ! absolute mi/ress2 = n[ t ! two o!r faculties are re/less1 & attempt to di/urb x1 x takes c>e--= if x is to h enemies1 ! few] ! bett]--t ! s5ses also %all n tr\ble x3 & ?us x comes to pass t ! s5ses are susp5d$2 = s our ,"l wills x4 ,& = ! mo/ "p ! eyes are clos$1 ?\gh we may n wi% to close !m2 & if occasionally !y rema9 op51 z ,i said j n[1 ! s\l nei!r disc]ns nor consid]s :at x sees4 #bg4 ,:at ! body !n c d "h is /ill less 9 ord] t1 :5 ! faculties come toge!r aga91 !re may n be s mu* to d4 ,let him1 !re=e1 to :om our ,"l has grant$ ?is grace1 be n disc\rag$ :5 he f9ds himself 9 ?is /ate--! body "u con/ra9t = _m h\rs1 ! und]/&+ & ! memory occasionally a/ray4 ,! tru? is t1 9 g5]al1 !y are inebriat$ ) ! praises ( ,god1 or ) se>*+ to compreh5d or und]/& t :i* has pass$ ov] !m4 ,& yet ev5 = ?is !y are n ?or\ghly awake1 b are r l "o :o has slept long1 & dream$1 & is h>dly yet awake4 #bh4 ,i dwell s long on ?is po9t because ,i "k t !re are p]sons n[1 ev5 9 ?is place1 #bd to :om our ,"l is grant+ ^! graces2 & if _! directors h _h no exp]i5ce 9 ! matt]1 !y w ?9k1 p]haps1 t !y mu/ be z dead p]sons dur+ ! trance--& !y w ?9k s ! m if !y h no le>n+4 ,x is pite\s to see :at ^? confessors :o d n und]/& ?is make p suff]4 ,i %all speak ( x by & by4 #be ,p]haps ,i d n "k :at ,i am say+4 ,y1 my fa!r1 w und]/& x1 if ,i am at all correct2 = our ,"l has admitt$ y to ! exp]i5ce ( x3 yet1 because t exp]i5ce is n v great1 x may be1 p]haps1 t y h n consid]$ ! matt] s mu* z ,i h done4 #bi4 ,s !n1 ?\gh ,i d all ,i c1 my body has no /r5g? to move = "s "t2 ! s\l took x all away4 ,v (t51 too1 he :o 0 be=e sickly & full ( pa9 rema9s heal?y1 & ev5 /rong]2 = x is some?+ great t is giv5 to ! s\l 9 rapture2 & sometimes1 z ,i h said already1 #bf our ,"l w h ! body rejoice1 because x is ob$i5t 9 t :i* ! s\l requires ( x4 ,:5 we recov] our consci\sness1 ! faculties may rema91 if ! rapture has be5 deep1 = a day or two1 & ev5 = ?ree days1 s absorb$1 or z if /unn$1--s mu* s1 z to be 9 appe>ance no long] !mselves4 #cj4 ,"h comes ! pa9 ( return+ to ?is life2 "h x is ! w+s ( ! s\l grew1 to enable x to fly s high3 ! weak fea!rs are fall5 (f4 ,n[ ! /&>d ( ,*ri/ is rais$ up al(t1 :i* seems to be no?+ else b ! go+ up1 or ! c>ry+ up1 ( ! ,capta9 ( ! =t to ! highe/ t[] ( x1 !re to raise up ! /&>d ( ,god4 ,! s\l1 z 9 a place ( safety1 looks d[n on ^? bel[2 x fe>s no dang]s n[--yea1 r1 x c\rts !m1 z "o assur$ be=eh& ( victory4 ,x sees mo/ cle>ly h[ lightly are ! ?+s ( ?is _w to be e/eem$1 & ! no?+ness !re(4 ,! s\l n[ seeks n1 & possesses n1 any o!r w b t ( do+ our ,"l's w1 #bg & s x prays ,him to let x be s2 x gives to ,him ! keys ( its own w4 ,lo1 ! g>d5] is n[ become ! comm&] ( a =tress6 ,! s\l w d no?+ b ! w ( our ,"l2 x w n act z ! own] ev5 ( itself1 nor ( any?+1 n ev5 ( a s+le apple 9 ! or*>d2 only1 if !re be any good ?+ 9 ! g>d51 x is at ,8 ,maje/y's disposal2 = f h5ce=? ! s\l w h no?+ ( its own1--all x seeks is to d ev]y?+ = ,8 glory1 & accord+ to ,8 w4 #ca4 ,?is is really ! way 9 :i* ^! ?+s come to pass2 if ! raptures be true raptures1 ! fruits & advantages spok5 ( abide 9 ! s\l2 b if !y did n1 ,i %\ld h great d\bts ab\t _! be+ f ,god--yea1 r1 ,i %\ld be afraid !y 7 ^? fr5zies ( :i* ,/4 ,v9c5t speaks4 #bh ,i h se5 x myself1 & ,i "k x by exp]i5ce1 t ! s\l 9 rapture is mi/ress ( ev]y?+1 & acquires su* fre$om 9 "o h\r1 & ev5 9 less1 z to be unable to recognize itself4 ,x sees di/9ctly t all ?is does n belong to x1 nei!r kn[s x h[ x came to possess s great a good2 b x cle>ly p]ceives ! v great bless+ :i* e "o ( ^! raptures always br+s4 ,no "o w believe ?is :o has n _h exp]i5ce ( x1 & s !y d n believe ! poor s\l3 !y saw x lately s wick$1 & n[ !y see x pret5d to ?+s ( s high an ord]2 = x is n satisfi$ ) s]v+ our ,"l 9 ! common way1--x mu/ d s =?) 9 ! highe/ way x c4 ,!y consid] ?is a temptation & a folly2 yet !y w\ld n be a/oni%$1 if !y knew t x comes n f ! s\l1 b f our ,"l1 to :om x has giv5 up ! keys ( its w4 #cb4 ,= my "p1 ,i believe t a s\l :i* has rea*$ ?is /ate nei!r speaks nor acts ( itself1 b r t ! supreme ,k+ takes c>e ( all x has to d4 ,o my ,god1 h[ cle> is ! mean+ ( ^? words1 & :at good reason ! ,psalmi/ _h1 & all ! _w w ev] h1 to pray = ! w+s ( a dove6 #bi ,x is pla9 t ?is is ! flight ( ! _s ris+ upw>ds above all creat$ ?+s1 & *iefly above itself3 b x is a sweet flight1 a delici\s flight--a flight )\t noise4 #cc4 ,oh1 :at p[] t s\l possesses :i* our ,"l raises to ?is /ate6 h[ x looks d[n ^u ev]y?+1 entangl$ by no?+6 h[ a%am$ x is ( ! "t :5 x 0 entangl$6 h[ x is amaz$ at its own bl9dness6 h[ x pities ^? :o are /ill 9 d>kness1 especially if !y are m5 ( pray]1 & h receiv$ consolations f ,god6 ,x w\ld l to cry out to !m1 t !y might be made to see ! delusions !y are 93 &1 inde$1 x does s n[ & !n2 & !n a ?\s& p]secutions fall ^u x z a %[]4 ,p consid] x want+ 9 humility1 & ?9k x means to tea* ^? f :om x %\ld le>n1 p>ticul>ly if x be a woman4 ,h5ce its condemnation2 & n )\t reason2 because !y "k n h[ /rong ! influ5ce is t moves x4 ,! s\l at times _c help itself2 nor c x refra9 f undeceiv+ ^? x loves1 & :om x longs to see deliv]$ out ( ! prison ( ?is life2 = t /ate 9 :i* ! s\l itself _h be5 be=e nei!r is1 nor seems to be1 any?+ else b a prison4 #cd4 ,! s\l is we>y ( ! days dur+ :i* x respect$ po9ts ( hon\r1 & ! delusion :i* l$ x to believe t to be hon\r :i* ! _w calls by t "n2 n[ x sees x to be ! greate/ lie1 & t we are all walk+ !re94 ,x und]/&s t true hon\r is n delusive1 b real1 e/eem+ t :i* is wor?y ( e/eem1 & despis+ t :i* is despicable2 = ev]y?+ is no?+1 & less ?an no?+1 :atev] passe? away1 & is n pleas+ unto ,god4 ,! s\l laughs at itself :5 x ?9ks ( ! "t 9 :i* x reg>d$ money1 & desir$ to possess x1--?\gh1 z to ?is1 ,i v]ily believe t ,i nev] _h to confess su* a fault2 x 0 fault en\gh to h reg>d$ money at all4 ,if ,i c\ld pur*ase ) money ! bless+s :i* ,i possess1 ,i %\ld make mu* ( x2 b x is pla9 t ^! bless+s are ga9$ by ab&on+ all ?+s4 #ce4 ,:at is !re t is procurable by ?is money :i* we desire8 ,is x any?+ ( wor?1 & any?+ la/+8 ,:y1 !n1 d we desire x8 ,a dismal re/+ place x provides1 :i* co/s s de>6 ,v (t5 x obta9s = u hell itself1 fire ev]la/+1 & torm5ts )\t end4 ,oh1 if all m5 w\ld b reg>d x z pr(itless dross1 h[ peaceful ! _w w\ld be6 h[ free f b>ga9+6 ,h[ fri5dly all m5 w\ld be "o ) ano!r1 if no reg>d 7 paid to hon\r & money6 ,i believe x w\ld be a rem$y = ev]y?+4 #cf4 ,! s\l sees h[ bl9d m5 are to ! nature ( pleasure--h[ by means ( x !y provide = !mselves tr\ble & disquietude ev5 9 ?is life4 ,:at re/lessness6 h[ little satisfaction6 :at lab\r 9 va96 ,x sees1 too1 n only ! cobwebs t cov] x1 & its great faults1 b also ! specks ( dirt1 h[ev] slight !y may be2 = ! sun %9es mo/ cle>ly2 & ?us1 h[ev] mu* ! s\l may h lab\r$ at its own p]fection1 x sees itself to be v unclean1 if ! rays ( ! sun fall really ^u x4 ,! s\l is l wat] 9 a vessel1 :i* appe>s pellucid :5 ! sun does n %9e ?r\gh x2 b if x does1 ! wat] !n is f\nd to be full ( motes4 #cg4 ,?is comp>ison is lit]ally correct4 ,be=e ! s\l fell into ! trance1 x ?\ght itself to be c>eful ab\t n (f5d+ ,god1 & t x did :at x c\ld 9 proportion to its /r5g?2 b n[ t x has atta9$ to ?is /ate1 9 :i* ! ,sun ( ,ju/ice %9es ^u x1 & makes x op5 its eyes1 x beholds s _m motes1 t x w\ld gladly close !m aga94 ,x is n s truly ! *ild ( ! noble eagle1 t x c gaze ^u ! sun2 b1 = ! few in/ants x c keep !m op51 x beholds itself :olly unclean4 ,x rememb]s ! words3 ,:o %all be j 9 ,?y pres5ce8 #cj ,:5 x looks on ?is ,div9e ,sun1 ! brightness !re( dazzles x1--:5 x looks on itself1 its eyes are bl9d$ by ! du/3 ! little dove is bl9d4 ,s x happ5s v (t53 ! s\l is utt]ly bl9d$1 absorb$1 amaz$1 dizzy at ! vision ( s mu* gr&eur4 #ch4 ,x is 9 rapture t true humility is acquir$--humility t w nev] say any good ( self1 nor suff] o!rs to d s4 ,! ,"l ( ! g>d51 n ! s\l1 di/ributes ! fruit !re(1 & s none rema9s 9 its h&s2 all ! good x has1 x ref]s to ,god2 if x says any?+ ab\t itself1 x is = ,8 glory4 ,x kn[s t x possesses no?+ "h2 & ev5 if x wi%$1 x _c cont9ue ignorant ( t4 ,x sees ?is1 z x 71 ) ! nak$ eye2 =1 :e!r x w or n1 its eyes are %ut aga9/ ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 & op5 to see ! tru?4 #a4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 *4 v42 ,philippus a ,,ss4 ,tr9itate1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic4 p>4 iii4 tr4 i1 disp4 iii41 art4 #c2 ,hc oratio raptus sup]ior e/ prc$5tibus orationis gradibus1 etiam oratione unionis ord9>i1 et habet effectus multo excell5tiores et multas alias op]ationes4 #b4 ,%e says t rapture is m excell5t ?an union2 t is1 t ! s\l 9 a rapture has a great] fruition ( ,god1 & t ,god takes x !n m into ,8 own h&s4 ,t is evid5tly s2 because 9 a rapture ! s\l loses ! use ( its ext]ior & int]ior faculties4 ,:5 %e says t union is ! beg9n+1 middle1 & end1 %e means t pure union is almo/ always uni=m2 b t !re are degrees 9 rapture1 ( :i* "s are1 z x 71 ! beg9n+1 "s ! middle1 o!rs ! end4 ,t is ! reason :y x is call$ by diff]5t names2 "s ( :i* d5ote ! lea/1 o!rs ! mo/1 p]fect =m ( x1 z x w appe> h]eaft]4--,note 9 ! ,spani% edition ( ,lopez 7,de la ,fu5te74 #c4 ,anton4 a ,_s4 ,sancto1 ,direct4 ,my/ic4 tr4 #d1 d4 i4 n4 #ie3 ,licet oratio raptus idem sit apud my/icos ac oratio volatus1 seu elevationis spiritus seu extasis2 reipsa tam5 raptus aliquid addit sup] extasim2 nam extasis importat simplicem excessum m5tis 9 seipso secundum quem aliquis extra suam cognitionem ponitur4 ,raptus v]o sup] hoc addit viol5tiam qu&am ab aliquo extr9seco4 #d4 ,! words betwe5 ! da%es are 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t--n h[ev]1 9 ! text1 b on ! m>g9 7,de la ,fu5te74 #e4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 *4 v4 ,primus effectus orationis ec/atic e/ 9 corpore1 quod ita remanet1 ac si p] animam non in=m>etur1 infrigidatur enim calore naturali defici5te1 clauduntur suavit] oculi1 et alii s5sus amittuntur3 cont+it tam5 quod corpus infirmum 9 hac oratione sanitatem recup]at4 ,anton4 a ,_s4 ,sancto1 ,direct4 ,my/ic4 tr4 iv4 d4 #b1 #d1 n4 #aej4 #f4 ,?is passage c\ld n h be5 9 ! fir/ ,life2 = t 0 writt5 be=e %e _h ev] be5 ,prioress4 #g4 ,job4 iv4 #ae3 ,inhorru]unt pili c>nis me4 7,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross4 ,spiritual ,canticle1 /s4 #ad1 #ae1 vol4 ii p4 #hc1 ,engl4 trans47 #h4 ,see *4 xxix4 #i4 ,see *4 xx4 #ba4 #aj4 #i1 supra4 #aa4 #aj4 #ab4 ,psalm ci4 #h3 ,i h wat*$1 & become z a sp>r[ alone on ! h\se-top4 #ac4 ,psalm xli4 #d3 ,ubi e/ ,deus tuus8 #ad4 ,galat4 vi4 #ad3 ,9 cruce ,jesu ,*ri/i3 p] quem mihi mundus crucifixus e/1 et ego mundo4 #ae4 #i & #ab4 #af4 ,daniel x4 #af3 ,9 visione tua dissolut sunt compages me4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,spiritual ,canticle1 /4 #ad1 vol4 ii4 p4 #hd1 ,engl4 trans42 & also ,relation1 viii4 #ac1 :]e ?is is repeat$4 #ag4 ,*4 v4 #ah4 #ah4 #ab4 #ai4 ,! words f ,i h j said to our ,"l are 9 ! m>g9 ( ! text1 b 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t 7,de la ,fu5te74 #bj4 ,see #aa4 #ba4 ,see ,relation1 viii4 #h4 #bb4 ,*4 xviii4 #af4 #bc4 ,*4 xviii4 #ag4 #bd4 ,avila4 #be4 ,*4 xxv4 #ah4 #bf4 #i4 #bg4 ,o!r w 4 4 4 ,"l's w4 ,^! words--9 ,spani%1 ,otra voluntad1 s9o hac] la de nue/ro ,seor--are n 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t2 p]haps x 0 ,fa!r ,baes :o wrote !m4 ,! ,,ms4 is blurr$1 & ! orig9al text seems to h be51 libre alv$rio ni gu]ra 7,de la ,fu5te74 #bh4 ,/4 ,v9c5t4 ,f]r]1 ,in/ruct4 de ,vit4 ,_s4 c4 xiv4 p4 #ad3 ,si dic]5t tibi aliquid quod sit contra fidem1 et contra ,scripturam ,sacram1 aut contra bonos mores1 ahhorreas e>um visionem et judicia1 tanquam /ultas dem5tias1 et e>um raptus1 sicut rabiam5ta--:i* ^w ! ,sa9t translates by rabiami5tos4 #bi4 ,psalm liv4 #g3 ,quis dabit mihi p5nas sicut columb8 #cj4 ,job iv4 #ag3 ,numquid homo ,dei comp>atione ju/ificabitur8 ,*apt] ,,xxi4 ,conclusion ( ! ,subject4 ,pa9 ( ! ,awak5+4 ,light ,aga9/ ,delusions4 #a4 ,to br+ ?is matt] to an end1 ,i say t x is n necess>y = ! s\l to give its cons5t "h2 x is already giv53 ! s\l kn[s t x has giv5 up its w into ,8 h&s1 #a & t x _c deceive ,him1 because ,he kn[e? all ?+s4 ,x is n "h z x is 9 ! _w1 :]e all life is full ( deceit & d\ble-deal+4 ,:5 y ?9k y h ga9$ "o man's good w1 because ( ! outw>d %[ he makes1 y aft]w>ds le>n t all 0 a lie4 ,no "o c live 9 ! mid/ ( s mu* s*em+1 p>ticul>ly if !re be any int]e/s at /ake4 #b4 ,bless$1 !n1 is t s\l :i* our ,"l draws on to ! und]/&+ ( ! tru?6 ,oh1 :at a /ate = k+s6 ,h[ mu* bett] x w\ld be = !m if !y /rove = ?is1 r ?an = great dom9ions6 ,h[ ju/ice w\ld prevail "u _! rule6 ,:at evils w\ld be prev5t$1 & might h be5 prev5t$ already6 ,"h no man fe>s to lose life or hon\r = ! love ( ,god4 ,:at a gr& ?+ ?is w\ld be to him :o is m b\nd ?an ^? b5ea? him to reg>d ! hon\r ( our ,"l6--= x is k+s :om ! cr[d mu/ foll[4 ,to make "o /ep 9 ! propagation ( ! fai?1 & to give "o ray ( light to h]etics1 ,i w\ld =feit a ?\s& k+doms4 ,& ) good reason3 = x is ano!r ?+ altoge!r to ga9 a k+dom t %all nev] end1 because "o drop ( ! wat] ( t k+dom1 if ! s\l b ta/es x1 r5d]s ! ?+s ( ?is _w utt]ly loa?some4 #c4 ,if1 !n1 ! s\l %\ld be :olly engulf$1 :at !n8 ,o ,"l1 if ,?\ w]t to give me ! "r to publi% ?is abroad1 p w\ld n believe me--z !y d n believe _m :o are able to speak ( x 9 a way v diff]5t f m9e2 b ,i %\ld satisfy myself1 at lea/4 ,i believe ,i %\ld c\nt my life z no?+1 if ,i might make o!rs und]/& b "o ( ^! tru?s4 ,i "k n :at ,i %all d aft]w>ds1 = ,i _c tru/ myself2 ?\gh ,i am :at ,i am1 ,i h a viol5t desire1 :i* is wa/+ me1 to say ?is to ^? :o are 9 au?ority4 ,& n[ t ,i c d no m1 ,i betake myself to ,!e1 ,o my ,"l1 to implore a rem$y = all4 ,?\ kn[e/ well t ,i w\ld gladly dive/ myself ( all ! graces :i* ,?\ ha/ giv5 me1--provid$ ,i rema9$ 9 a condition nev] to (f5d ,!e1--& give !m up to ^? :o are k+s2 = ,i "k x w\ld !n be impossible = !m to all[ :at !y all[ n[1 or fail to receive ! v greate/ bless+s4 #d4 ,o my ,god1 make k+s to und]/& h[ f> _! obligations rea*6 ,?\ ha/ be5 pleas$ to di/+ui% !m on e>? 9 su* a way t--s ,i h he>d--,?\ %[e/ signs 9 ! heav5s :5 ,?\ take/ any ( !m away4 ,c]ta9ly1 :5 ,i ?9k ( ?is1 my devotion is /irr$1 because ,?\ wilt h !m le>n1 ,o my ,k+1 ev5 f ?is1 t !y mu/ imitate ,!e 9 _! lives1 see+ t1 :5 !y die1 signs are visible 9 ! heav5s1 z x 0 :5 ,?\ w]t dy+ ,?yself4 #e4 ,i am v bold2 if x be wrong1 y1 my fa!r1 w te> ?is out3 only believe t ,i %\ld speak mu* m to ! purpose 9 ! pres5ce ( k+s1--if ,i might1 or ?\ght !y w\ld li/5 to me1--= ,i recomm5d !m greatly to ,god1 & ,i wi% ,i might be ( s]vice to !m4 ,all ?is makes "o risk life2 = ,i long frequ5tly to lose m9e1--& t w\ld be to lose a little = ! *ance ( ga9+ mu*2 = surely x is n possible to live1 :5 we see ) our eyes ! great delusion :]e9 we are walk+1 & ! bl9dness 9 :i* we are liv+4 #f4 ,a s\l t has atta9$ to ?is is n limit$ to ! desires x has to s]ve ,god2 = ,8 ,maje/y gives x /r5g? to br+ ^? desires to good effect4 ,no?+ c be put be=e x into :i* x w n ?r[ itself1 if only x ?9ks t ,god may be s]v$ !reby3 & yet x is do+ no?+1 because1 z ,i said be=e1 #b x sees cle>ly t all is no?+1 except pleas+ ,god4 ,! trial is1 t ^? :o are s wor?less z ,i am1 h no trial ( ! k9d4 ,may x be ,?y good pleasure1 ,o my ,god1 t ! "t may come 9 :i* ,i may be able to pay "o f>?+ at lea/1 ( ! heavy debt ,i owe ,!e6 ,d ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 s dispose matt]s accord+ to ,?y w1 t ?is ,?y s]vant may d ,!e "s s]vice4 ,o!r wom5 !re h be5 :o did h]oic de$s = ,!e2 ,i am good only to talk2 & s x has n be5 ,?y pleasure1 ,o my ,god1 t ,i %\ld d any ?+3 all ends 9 talk & desires--t is all my s]vice4 ,& yet ev5 9 ?is ,i am n free1 because x is possible ,i might fail altoge!r4 #g4 ,/r5g!n ,?\ my s\l1 & prep>e x1 ,o ,good ( all good2 &1 my ,jesus1 !n orda9 ,?\ ! means :]eby ,i may d some?+ = ,!e1 s t !re may be n ev5 "o :o c be> to receive s mu*1 & make no paym5t 9 return4 ,co/ :at x may1 ,o ,"l1 let me n come be=e ,!e ) h&s s empty1 #c see+ t ! rew>d ( e "o w be accord+ to 8 works4 #d ,behold my life1 behold my good "n & my w2 ,i h giv5 !m all to ,!e2 ,i am ,?9e3 dispose ( me accord+ to ,?y w4 ,i see well en\gh1 ,o ,"l1 h[ little ,i c d2 b n[1 hav+ drawn ne> to ,!e1--hav+ asc5d$ to ?is wat*t[]1 f :i* ! tru? may be se51--& :ile ,?\ dep>te/ n f me1 ,i c d all ?+s2 b if ,?\ dep>te/ f me1 7 x b = a mom5t1 ,i %all g ?i!r :]e ,i 0 once--t is1 to hell4 #e #h4 ,oh1 :at x is = a s\l 9 ?is /ate to h to return to ! comm]ce ( ! _w1 to see & look on ! f>ce ( ?is life1 #f s ill-ord]$2 to wa/e its "t 9 att5d+ to ! body by sleep+ & eat+6 #g ,all is we>isome2 x _c run away1--x sees itself *a9$ & imprison$2 x feels !n mo/ ke5ly ! captivity into :i* ! body has br\ght u1 & ! wret*$ness ( ?is life4 ,x und]/&s ! reason :y ,/4 ,paul pray$ to ,god to deliv] him f x4 #h ,! s\l cries ) ! ,apo/le1 & calls ^u ,god to deliv] x1 z ,i said on ano!r occasion4 #i ,b "h x (t5 cries ) s mu* viol5ce1 t x seems z if x w\ld g out ( ! body 9 se>* ( its fre$om1 n[ t !y d n take x away4 ,x is z a slave sold into a /range l&2 & :at di/resses x mo/ is1 t x _c f9d _m :o make ! same compla9t & ! same pray]3 ! desire ( life is m common4 #i4 ,oh1 if we 7 utt]ly deta*$1--if we nev] plac$ our happ9ess 9 any?+ ( ?is _w1--h[ ! pa91 caus$ by liv+ always away f ,god1 w\ld temp] ! fe> ( dea? ) ! desire ( enjoy+ ! true life6 ,sometimes ,i consid]1 if a p]son l myself--because our ,"l has giv5 ?is light to me1 ^: love is s cold1 & ^: true re/ is s unc]ta91 = ,i h n des]v$ x by my works--frequ5tly feels h] bani%m5t s mu*1 :at ! feel+s ( ! ,sa9ts mu/ h be54 ,:at mu/ ,/4 ,paul & ! ,magdal5e1 & o!rs l !m1 h suff]$1 9 :om ! fire ( ! love ( ,god has gr[n s /rong8 ,_! life mu/ h be5 a cont9ual m>tyrdom4 ,x seems to me t !y :o br+ me any com=t1 & ^: conv]sation is any relief1 are ^? p]sons 9 :om ,i f9d ^! desires--,i mean1 desires ) acts4 ,i say ) acts1 = !re are p :o ?9k !mselves deta*$1 & :o say s ( !mselves1--& x mu/ be s1 = _! vocation dem&s x1 z well z ! _m ye>s t are pass$ s9ce "s ( !m began to walk 9 ! way ( p]fection1--b my s\l di/+ui%es cle>ly1 & af> (f1 betwe5 ^? :o are deta*$ 9 words1 & ^? :o make good ^? words by de$s4 ,! little progress ( ! =m]1 & ! great progress ( ! latt]1 make x pla94 ,?is is a matt] :i* a p]son ( any exp]i5ce c see into mo/ cle>ly4 #aj4 ,s f>1 !n1 ( ! effects ( ^? raptures :i* come f ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,! tru? is1 t ^! are great] or less4 ,i say less1 because 9 ! beg9n+1 ?\gh ! effects are wr\ght1 !y are n te/$ by works1 & s x _c be cle> t a p]son has !m2 & p]fection1 too1 is a ?+ ( gr[?1 & ( lab\r+ aft] fre$om f ! cobwebs ( memory2 & ?is requires "s "t4 ,mean:ile1 ! great] ! gr[? ( love & humility 9 ! s\l1 ! /rong] ! p]fume ( ! fl[]s ( virtues is = itself & = o!rs4 ,! tru? is1 t our ,"l c s "w 9 ! s\l 9 an in/ant dur+ ^! raptures1 t b little rema9s = ! s\l to d 9 ord] to atta9 to p]fection4 ,no "o1 :o has n _h exp]i5ce ( x1 w ev] be able to believe :at our ,"l n[ be/[s on ! s\l4 ,no ef=t ( ours--s ,i ?9k--c ev] rea* s f>4 #aa4 ,h[ev]1 ,i d n mean to say t ^? p]sons :o dur+ _m ye>s make use ( ! me?od prescrib$ by writ]s on pray]1--:o discuss ! pr9ciples !re(1 & ! means :]eby x may be acquir$1--w n1 by ! help ( our ,"l1 atta9 to p]fection & great deta*m5t ) mu* lab\r2 b !y w n atta9 to x s rapidly z by ! way ( raptures1 9 :i* our ,"l works indep5d5tly ( u1 draws ! s\l utt]ly away f e>?1 & gives x dom9ion ov] all ?+s "h bel[1 ?\gh ! m]its ( t s\l may n be great] ?an m9e 73 ,i _c use /rong] language1 = my m]its are z no?+4 ,:y ,8 ,maje/y doe? ?is is1 because x is ,8 pleasure1 & ,he doe? x accord+ to ,8 pleasure2 ev5 if ! s\l be )\t ! fitt+ disposition1 ,he disposes x = ! reception ( t bless+ :i* ,he is giv+ to x4 ,al?\gh x be mo/ c]ta9 t ,he nev] fails to com=t ^? :o d well1 & /rive to be deta*$1 /ill ,he does n always give ^! effects because !y h des]v$ !m at ,8 h&s by cultivat+ ! g>d51 b because x is ,8 w to %[ ,8 greatness at times 9 a soil :i* is mo/ wor?less1 z ,i h j said1 & to prep>e x = all good3 & all ?is 9 su* a way t x seems z if ! s\l 0 n[1 9 a mann]1 unable to g back & live 9 s9 aga9/ ,god1 z x did be=e4 #ab4 ,! m9d is n[ s inur$ to ! compreh5sion ( t :i* is tru? inde$1 t ev]y?+ else seems to x to be b *ild's play4 ,x laughs to itself1 at times1 :5 x sees grave m5--m5 giv5 to pray]1 m5 ( religion--make mu* ( po9ts ( hon\r1 :i* itself is trampl+ b5ea? its feet4 ,!y say t discretion1 & ! dignity ( _! call+s1 require x ( !m z a means to d m good2 b t s\l kn[s p]fectly well t !y w\ld d m good 9 "o day by pref]r+ ! love ( ,god to ?is _! dignity1 ?an !y w d 9 t5 ye>s by consid]+ x4 #ac4 ,! life ( ?is s\l is a life ( tr\ble3 ! cross is always !re1 b ! progress x makes is great4 ,:5 ^? :o h to d ) x ?9k x has arriv$ at ! summit ( p]fection1 )9 a little :ile !y see x mu* m advanc$2 = ,god is ev] giv+ x grace ^u grace4 ,god is ! s\l ( t s\l n[2 x is ,he :o has ! *>ge ( x2 & s ,he enlight5s x2 = ,he seems to be wat*+ ov] x1 always att5tive to x1 t x may n (f5d ,him1--giv+ x grace1 & /irr+ x up 9 ,8 s]vice4 ,:5 my s\l rea*$ ?is /ate1 9 :i* ,god %[$ me m]cy s great1 my wret*$ness came to an end1 & our ,"l gave me /r5g? to rise above x4 ,! =m] occasions ( s91 z well z ! p]sons ) :om ,i 0 accu/om$ to di/ract myself1 did me no m h>m ?an if !y _h nev] exi/$2 on ! contr>y1 t :i* ord9>ily did me h>m1 help$ me on4 ,ev]y?+ contribut$ to make me "k ,god m1 & to love ,him2 to make me see h[ mu* ,i ow$ ,him1 z well z to be sorry = be+ :at ,i _h be54 #ad4 ,i saw cle>ly t ?is did n come f myself1 t ,i _h n br\ght x ab\t by any ef=ts ( my own1 & t !re 0 n "t en\gh = x4 ,8 ,maje/y1 ( ,8 m]e goodness1 _h giv5 me /r5g? = x4 ,f ! "t our ,"l began to give me ! grace ( raptures1 until n[1 ?is /r5g? has gone on increas+4 ,he1 ( ,8 goodness1 ha? held me by ! h&1 t ,i might n g back4 ,i d n ?9k t ,i am do+ any?+ myself--c]ta9ly ,i d n2 = ,i see di/9ctly t all ?is is ! "w ( our ,"l4 ,= ?is reason1 x seems to me t ! s\l 9 :i* our ,"l worke? ^! graces1--if x walks 9 humility & fe>1 always ackn[l$g+ ! "w ( our ,"l1 & t we ourselves c d1 z x 71 no?+1--may be ?r[n among any companions1 &1 h[ev] di/ract$ & wick$ ^! may be1 w nei!r be hurt nor di/urb$ 9 any way2 on ! contr>y1 z ,i h j said1 t w help x on1 & be a means unto x :]eby x may d]ive mu* great] pr(it4 #ae4 ,^? s\ls are /rong :i* are *os5 by our ,"l to d good to o!rs2 /ill1 ?is _! /r5g? is n _! own4 ,:5 our ,"l br+s a s\l on to ?is /ate1 ,he communicates to x ( ,8 greate/ secrets by degrees4 ,true revelations--! great gifts & visions--come by ec/asies1 all t5d+ to make ! s\l humble & /rong1 to make x despise ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 & h a cle>] k ( ! greatness ( ! rew>d :i* our ,"l has prep>$ = ^? :o s]ve ,him4 #aj #af4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y t ! great munific5ce ) :i* ,he ha? dealt ) me1 mis]able s9n] t ,i am1 may h "s weight ) ^? :o %all read ?is1 s t !y may be /rong & c\rage\s en\gh to give up ev]y?+ utt]ly = ,god4 ,if ,8 ,maje/y repays u s abundantly1 t ev5 9 ?is life ! rew>d & ga9 ( ^? :o s]ve ,him become visible1 :at w x be 9 ! next8 #a4 ,*4 xx4 #cj4 #b4 ,*4 xx4 #cd4 #c4 ,exod4 xxiii4 #ae3 ,non app>ebis 9 conspectu meo vacuus4 #d4 ,apoc4 ii4 #bc3 ,dabo unicuique ve/rum secundum op]a sua4 #e4 ,see *4 xxxii4 #a4 #f4 ,f>sa de e/a vida tan mal conc]tada4 #g4 ,inn] ,=tress1 iv4 *4 i4 #aa4 #h4 ,rom4 vii4 #bd3 ,quis me lib]abit de corpore mortis hujus8 #i4 ,*4 xvi4 #g4 #aj4 #a ,cor4 ii4 #i3 ,qu prp>avit ,deus 8 qui diligunt ,illum4 ,*apt] ,,xxii4 ,! ,security ( ,contemplatives ,lies 9 ,_! ,n ,asc5d+ to ,high ,?+s if ,our ,"l ,does ,n ,raise ,!m4 ,! ,sacr$ ,humanity ,mu/ ,be ! ,road to ! ,highe/ ,contemplation4 ,a ,delusion 9 ,:i* ! ,sa9t ,0 ,once ,entangl$4 #a4 ,!re is "o ?+ ,i %\ld l to say--,i ?9k x important3 & if y1 my fa!r1 approve1 x w s]ve = a lesson t possibly may be necess>y2 = 9 "s books on pray] ! writ]s say t ! s\l1 ?\gh x _c 9 its own /r5g? atta9 to ?is /ate1--because x is altoge!r a sup]natural "w wr\ght 9 x by our ,"l1--may nev]!less succe$1 by lift+ up ! _s above all creat$ ?+s1 & rais+ x upw>ds 9 humility1 aft] "s ye>s sp5t 9 a purgative life1 & advanc+ 9 ! illum9ative4 ,i d n v well "k :at !y mean by illum9ative3 ,i und]/& x to mean ! life ( ^? :o are mak+ progress4 ,& !y advise u mu* to )draw f all bodily imag9ation1 & draw ne> to ! contemplation ( ! ,div9ity2 = !y say t ^? :o h advanc$ s f> w\ld be emb>rass$ or h9d]$ 9 _! way to ! highe/ contemplation1 if !y reg>d$ ev5 ! ,sacr$ ,humanity itself4 #a ,!y def5d _! op9ion #b by br++ =w>d ! words #c ( our ,"l to ! ,apo/les1 conc]n+ ! com+ ( ! ,holy ,gho/2 ,i mean t ,com+ :i* 0 aft] ! ,asc5sion4 ,if ! ,apo/les _h believ$1 z !y believ$ aft] ! ,com+ ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 t ,he is bo? ,god & ,man1 ,8 bodily ,pres5ce w\ld1 9 my op9ion1 h be5 no h9drance2 = ^? words 7 n said to ! ,"m ( ,god1 ?\gh %e lov$ ,him m ?an all4 #d ,!y ?9k t1 z ?is "w ( contemplation is :olly spiritual1 any bodily object :atev] c di/urb or h9d] x4 ,!y say t ! contemplative %\ld reg>d himself z be+ )9 a def9ite space1 ,god ev]y:]e ar\nd1 & himself absorb$ 9 ,him4 ,?is is :at we %\ld aim at4 #b4 ,?is seems to me "r en\gh n[ & !n2 b to )draw altoge!r f ,*ri/1 & to comp>e ,8 div9e ,body ) our mis]ies or ) any creat$ ?+ :atev]1 is :at ,i _c endure4 ,may ,god help me to expla9 myself6 ,i am n contradict+ !m on ?is po9t1 = !y are le>n$ & spiritual p]sons1 und]/&+ :at !y say3 ,god1 too1 is guid+ s\ls by _m ways & me?ods1 z ,he has guid$ m9e4 ,x is ( my own s\l t ,i wi% to speak n[1--,i d n int]m$dle ) o!rs1--& ( ! dang] ,i 0 9 because ,i w\ld comply ) ! directions ,i 0 read+4 ,i c well believe t he :o has atta9$ to union1 & advances no fur!r1--t is1 to raptures1 visions1 & o!r graces ( ,god giv5 to s\ls1--w consid] t op9ion to be be/1 z ,i did myself3 & if ,i _h cont9u$ 9 x1 ,i believe ,i %\ld nev] h rea*$ ! /ate ,i am 9 n[4 ,i hold x to be a delusion3 /ill1 x may be t x is ,i :o am delud$4 ,b ,i w tell y :at happ5$ to me4 #c4 ,z ,i _h no director1 ,i us$ to read ^! books1 :]e1 by little & little1 ,i ?\ght ,i might und]/& some?+4 ,i f\nd out aft]w>ds t1 if our ,"l _h n %[n me ! way1 ,i %\ld h le>n$ b little f books2 = ,i und]/ood really no?+ till ,8 ,maje/y made me le>n by exp]i5ce3 nei!r did ,i "k :at ,i 0 do+4 ,s1 9 ! beg9n+1 :5 ,i atta9$ to "s degree ( sup]natural pray]1--,i speak ( ! pray] ( quiet1--,i lab\r$ to remove f myself e ?\ght ( bodily objects2 b ,i did n d>e to lift up my s\l1 = t ,i saw w\ld be presumption 9 me1 :o 0 always s wick$4 ,i ?\ght1 h[ev]1 t ,i _h a s5se ( ! pres5ce ( ,god3 ?is 0 true1 & ,i contriv$ to be 9 a /ate ( recollection be=e ,him4 ,?is me?od ( pray] is full ( sweetness1 if ,god helps u 9 x1 & ! joy ( x is great4 ,& s1 because ,i 0 consci\s ( ! pr(it & delight :i* ?is way furni%$ me1 no "o c\ld h br\ght me back to ! contemplation ( ! ,sacr$ ,humanity2 = t seem$ to me to be a real h9drance to pray]4 #d4 ,o ,"l ( my s\l1 & my ,good6 ,jesus ,*ri/ crucifi$6 ,i nev] ?9k ( ?is op9ion1 :i* ,i !n held1 )\t pa92 ,i believe x 0 an act ( high treason1 ?\gh done 9 ignorance4 ,hi!rto1 ,i _h be5 all my life long s dev\t to ! ,sacr$ ,humanity--= ?is happ5$ b lately2 ,i mean by lately1 t x 0 be=e our ,"l gave me ! grace ( raptures & visions4 ,i did n cont9ue long ( ?is op9ion1 #e & s ,i return$ to my habit ( delight+ 9 our ,"l1 p>ticul>ly at ,communion4 ,i wi% ,i c\ld h ,8 picture & image always be=e my eyes1 s9ce ,i _c h ,him grav5 9 my s\l z deeply z ,i wi%4 #e4 ,is x possible1 ,o my ,"l1 t ,i c\ld h _h ! ?\ght1 if only = an h\r1 t ,?\ c\ld/ be a h9drance to my greate/ good8 ,:5ce are all my bless+s8 are !y n f ,!e8 ,i w n ?9k t ,i 0 blamable1 = ,i 0 v sorry = x1 & x 0 c]ta9ly done 9 ignorance4 ,& s x pleas$ ,!e1 9 ,?y goodness1 to succ\r me1 by s5d+ me "o :o has deliv]$ me f ?is delusion2 & aft]w>ds by %[+ ,?yself to me s _m times1 z ,i %all relate h]eaft]1 #f t ,i might cle>ly p]ceive h[ great my delusion 01 & also tell x to _m p]sons2 :i* ,i h done1 z well z describe x z ,i am do+ n[4 ,i believe myself t ?is is ! reason :y s _m s\ls1 aft] advanc+ to ! pray] ( union1 make no fur!r progress1 & d n atta9 to v great lib]ty ( _s4 #f4 ,x seems to me1 t !re are two consid]ations on :i* ,i may gr\nd ?is op9ion4 ,p]haps ,i am say+ no?+ to ! purpose1 yet :at ,i say is ! result ( exp]i5ce2 = my s\l 0 9 a v evil plight1 till our ,"l enlight5$ x3 all its joys 7 b sips2 & :5 x _h come =? !refrom1 x nev] f\nd itself 9 t company :i* aft]w>ds x _h 9 trials & temptations4 #g4 ,! fir/ consid]ation is ?is3 !re is a little abs5ce ( humility--s secret & s hidd51 t we d n obs]ve x4 ,:o is !re s pr\d & wret*$ z ,i1 t1 ev5 aft] lab\r+ all 8 life 9 p5ances & pray]s & p]secutions1 c possibly imag9e himself n to be exce$+ly ri*1 mo/ abundantly rew>d$1 :5 our ,"l p]mits him to /& ) ,/4 ,john at ! foot ( ! cross8 ,i "k n into ^: head x c\ld h ent]$ to be n satisfi$ ) ?is1 unless x be m9e1 :i* has gone wrong 9 e way :]e x %\ld h gone "r onw>ds4 #h4 ,!n1 if our con/itution--or p]haps sickness--w n p]mit u always to ?9k ( ,8 ,passion1 because x is s pa9ful1 :o is to h9d] u f ?9k+ ( ,him ris5 f ! grave1 see+ t we h ,him s ne> u 9 ! ,sacram5t1 :]e he is glorifi$1 & :]e we %all n see ,him 9 ,8 great we>9ess--sc\rg$1 /ream+ ) blood1 fa9t by ! way1 p]secut$ by ^? to :om ,he _h done good1 & n believ$ 9 by ! ,apo/les8 ,c]ta9ly x is n always t "o c be> to m$itate on suff]+s s great z 7 ^? ,he und]w5t4 ,behold ,him "h1 be=e ,8 asc5sion into heav51 )\t pa91 all-glori\s1 giv+ /r5g? to "s & c\rage to o!rs4 ,9 ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 ,he is our companion1 z if x 0 n 9 ,8 p[] to )draw ,himself = a mom5t f u4 ,& yet x 0 9 my p[] to )draw f ,!e1 ,o my ,"l1 t ,i might s]ve ,!e bett]6 ,x may be t ,i knew ,!e n :5 ,i s9n$ aga9/ ,!e2 b h[ c\ld ,i1 hav+ once kn[n ,!e1 ev] ?9k ,i %\ld ga9 m 9 ?is way8 ,o ,"l1 :at an evil way ,i took6 & ,i 0 go+ out ( ! way1 if ,?\ had/ n br\ght me back to x4 ,:5 ,i see ,!e ne> me1 ,i see all good ?+s toge!r4 ,no trial befalls me t is n easy to be>1 :5 ,i ?9k ( ,!e /&+ be=e ^? :o judg$ ,!e4 #i4 ,) s good a ,fri5d & ,capta9 ev] pres5t1 ,himself ! fir/ to suff]1 ev]y?+ c be borne4 ,he helps1 ,he /r5g!ns1 ,he nev] fails1 ,he is ! true ,fri5d4 ,i see cle>ly1 & s9ce !n h always se51 t if we are to please ,god1 & if ,he is to give u ,8 great graces1 ev]y?+ mu/ pass ?r\gh ! h&s ( ,8 mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity1 9 :om ,8 ,maje/y said t ,he is well pleas$4 #g ,i "k ?is by repeat$ exp]i5ce3 our ,"l has told x me4 ,i h se5 cle>ly t ?is is ! door #h by :i* we are to ent]1 if we w\ld h ,8 supreme ,maje/y reveal to u ,8 great secrets4 #aj4 ,s1 !n1 ,i w\ld h y\r rev]5ce seek no o!r way1 ev5 if y 7 arriv$ at ! highe/ contemplation4 ,?is way is safe4 ,our ,"l is ,he by :om all good ?+s come to u2 ,he w tea* y4 ,consid] ,8 life2 t is ! be/ example4 ,:at m c we want ?an s good a ,fri5d at our side1 :o w n =sake u :5 we are 9 tr\ble & di/ress1 z !y d :o belong to ?is _w6 ,bless$ is he :o truly loves ,him1 & :o always has ,him ne> him6 ,let u consid] ! glori\s ,/4 ,paul1 :o seems z if ,jesus 0 nev] abs5t f 8 lips1 z if he _h ,him deep d[n 9 8 he>t4 ,aft] ,i _h he>d ?is ( "s great ,sa9ts giv5 to contemplation1 ,i consid]$ ! matt] c>efully2 & ,i see t !y walk$ 9 no o!r way4 ,/4 ,francis ) ! /igmata proves x1 ,/4 ,antony ( ,padua ) ! ,infant ,jesus2 ,/4 ,b]n>d rejoic$ 9 ! ,sacr$ ,humanity2 s did ,/4 ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a1 & _m o!rs1 z y\r rev]5ce kn[s bett] ?an ,i d4 #aa4 ,?is )draw+ f bodily objects mu/ no d\bt be good1 see+ t x is recomm5d$ by p]sons :o are s spiritual2 b1 9 my op9ion1 x ought to be done only :5 ! s\l has made v great progress2 = until !n x is cle> t ! ,creator mu/ be s\ght = ?r\gh ,8 creatures4 ,all ?is dep5ds on ! grace :i* our ,"l di/ributes to e s\l4 ,i d n int]m$dle "h4 ,:at ,i w\ld say is1 t ! mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity ( ,*ri/ is n to be c\nt$ among ! objects f :i* we h to )draw4 ,let ?is be cle>ly und]/ood4 ,i wi% ,i knew h[ to expla9 x4 #i #ab4 ,:5 ,god susp5ds all ! p[]s ( ! s\l1--z we see ,he does 9 ! /ates ( pray] already describ$1--x is cle> t1 :e!r we wi% x or n1 ?is pres5ce is )drawn4 ,be x s1 !n4 ,! loss is a bless$ "o1 because x takes place 9 ord] t we may h a deep] fruition ( :at we seem to h lo/2 = at t mom5t ! :ole s\l is occupi$ 9 lov+ ,him :om ! und]/&+ has toil$ to "k2 & x loves :at x has n compreh5d$1 & rejoices 9 :at x c\ld n h rejoic$ 9 s well1 if x _h n lo/ itself1 9 ord]1 z ,i am say+1 to ga9 itself ! m4 ,b t we %\ld c>efully & labori\sly accu/om ourselves n to /rive ) all our might to h always--& please ,god x be always6--! mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity be=e our eyes1--?is1 ,i say1 is :at seems to me n to be "r3 x is mak+ ! s\l1 z !y say1 to walk 9 ! air2 = x has no?+ to re/ on1 h[ full soev] ( ,god x may ?9k itself to be4 #ac4 ,x is a great matt] = u to h our ,"l be=e u z ,man :ile we are liv+ & 9 ! fle%4 ,?is is t o!r inconv5i5ce :i* ,i say mu/ be met )4 ,! fir/--,i h already begun to describe x--is a little failure 9 humility1 9 t ! s\l desires to rise ( itself be=e our ,"l raises x1 & is n satisfi$ ) m$itation on s excell5t a subject1--seek+ to be ,m>y be=e x has lab\r$ ) ,m>?a4 ,if our ,"l w h a s\l to be ,m>y1 ev5 on ! fir/ day1 !re is no?+ to be afraid (2 b we mu/ n be self-invit$ gue/s1 z ,i ?9k ,i said on ano!r occasion4 #aj ,?is little mote ( want ( humility1 ?\gh 9 appe>ance a m]e no?+1 does a great deal ( h>m to ^? :o wi% to advance 9 contemplation4 #ad4 ,i n[ come back to ! second consid]ation4 ,we are n angels1 = we h a body2 to seek to make ourselves angels :ile we are on ! e>?1 & s mu* on ! e>? z ,i 01 is an act ( folly4 ,9 g5]al1 our ?\ghts mu/ h some?+ to re/ on1 ?\gh ! s\l may g =? out ( itself n[ & !n1 or x may be v (t5 s full ( ,god z to be 9 ne$ ( no creat$ ?+ by ! help ( :i* x may recollect itself4 ,b ?is is n s common a case2 = :5 we h _m ?+s to d1 :5 we are p]secut$ & 9 tr\ble1 :5 we _c h mu* re/1 & :5 we h our seasons ( dryness1 ,*ri/ is our be/ ,fri5d2 = we reg>d ,him z ,man1 & behold ,him fa9t & 9 tr\ble1 & ,he is our ,companion2 & :5 we %all h accu/om$ ourselves 9 ?is way1 x is v easy to f9d ,him ne> u1 al?\gh !re w be occasions f "t to "t :5 we c d nei!r ! "o nor ! o!r4 #ae4 ,= ?is end1 t is useful :i* ,i spoke ( be=e3 #aa we mu/ n %[ ourselves z lab\r+ aft] spiritual consolations2 come :at may1 to embrace ! cross is ! great ?+4 ,! ,"l ( all consolation 0 ,himself =sak53 !y left ,him alone 9 ,8 sorr[s4 ,d n let u =sake ,him2 = ,8 h& w help u to rise m ?an any ef=ts we c make2 & ,he w )draw ,himself :5 ,he sees x be exp$i5t = u1 & :5 ,he please? w also draw ! s\l =? out ( itself1 z ,i said be=e4 #ab #af4 ,god is greatly pleas$ :5 ,he beholds a s\l 9 its humility mak+ ,8 ,son a ,m$iator betwe5 itself & ,him1 & yet lov+ ,him s mu* z to confess its own unwor?9ess1 ev5 :5 ,he w\ld raise x up to ! highe/ contemplation1 & say+ ) ,/4 ,pet]3 #ac ,g ,?\ away f me1 ,o ,"l1 = ,i am a s9ful man4 ,i "k ?is by exp]i5ce3 x 0 ?us t ,god direct$ my s\l4 ,o!rs may walk1 z ,i said be=e1 #ad by ano!r & a %ort] road4 ,:at ,i h und]/ood ( ! matt] is ?is3 t ! :ole f\ndation ( pray] mu/ be laid 9 humility1 & t ! m a s\l humbles itself 9 pray]1 ! m ,god lifts x up4 ,i d n rememb] t ,he ev] %[$ me any ( ^? m>vell\s m]cies1 ( :i* ,i %all speak h]eaft]1 #ae at any o!r "t ?an :5 ,i 0 z "o br\ght to no?+1 #af by see+ h[ wick$ ,i 04 ,moreov]1 ,8 ,maje/y contriv$ to make me und]/& matt]s t help$ me to "k myself1 b :i* ,i c\ld nev] h ev5 imag9$ ( myself4 #ag4 ,i believe myself t if a s\l makes any ef=ts ( its own to fur!r itself 9 ! way ( ! pray] ( union1 & ?\gh x may seem to make imm$iate progress1 x w quickly fall back1 because ! f\ndations 7 n duly laid4 ,i fe>1 too1 t su* a s\l w nev] atta9 to true pov]ty ( _s1 :i* consi/s 9 seek+ consolation or sweetness1 n 9 pray]1--! consolations ( ! e>? are already ab&on$1--b r 9 sorr[s1 = ! love ( ,him :o always liv$ 9 sorr[s ,himself2 #ag & 9 be+ calm 9 ! mid/ ( sorr[s & aridities4 ,?\gh ! s\l may feel x 9 "s measure1 !re is no disquiet1 nor any ( t pa9 :i* "s p]sons suff]1 :o1 if !y are n always lab\r+ ) ! und]/&+ & ) a s5se ( devotion1 ?9k ev]y?+ lo/1--z if _! ef=ts m]it$ s great a bless+6 #ah4 ,i am n say+ t m5 %\ld n seek to be dev\t1 nor t !y %\ld n /& ) great rev]5ce 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god1 b only t !y are n to vex !mselves if !y _c f9d ev5 "o good ?\ght1 z ,i said 9 ano!r place2 #ah = we are unpr(itable s]vants4 #ai ,:at d we ?9k we c d8 ,our ,"l grant t we und]/& ?is1 & t we may be ^? little asses :o drive ! w9dlass ,i spoke (3 #bj ^!1 ?\gh _! eyes are b&ag$1 & !y d n und]/& :at !y are do+1 yet draw up m wat] ?an ! g>d5] c draw ) all 8 ef=ts4 ,we mu/ walk 9 lib]ty on ?is road1 committ+ ourselves into ! h&s ( ,god4 ,if x be ,8 ,maje/y's good pleasure to raise u & place u among ,8 *amb]la9s & secret c\ncillors1 we mu/ g will+ly2 if n1 we mu/ s]ve ,him 9 ! l[] (fices ( ,8 h\se1 & n sit d[n on ! upp] seats4 #ba ,z ,i h sometimes said1 #bb ,god is m c>eful ( u ?an we are ourselves1 & kn[s :at ea* "o ( u is fit =4 #ai4 ,:at use is !re 9 gov]n+ oneself by oneself1 :5 ! :ole w has be5 giv5 up to ,god8 ,i ?9k ?is less endurable n[ ?an 9 ! fir/ /ate ( pray]1 & x does mu* great] h>m2 = ^! bless+s are sup]natural4 ,if a man has a bad voice1 let him =ce himself ev] s mu* to s+1 he w nev] improve x2 b if ,god gives him a good voice1 he has no ne$ to try x twice4 ,let u1 !n1 pray ,him always to %[ ,8 m]cy ^u u1 ) a submissive _s1 yet tru/+ 9 ! goodness ( ,god4 ,& n[ t ! s\l is p]mitt$ to sit at ! feet ( ,*ri/1 let x contrive n to quit its place1 b keep x anyh[4 ,let x foll[ ! example ( ! ,magdal5e2 & :5 x %all be /rong en\gh1 ,god w lead x into ! wild]ness4 #bc #bj4 ,y1 !n1 my fa!r1 mu/ be cont5t ) ?is until y meet ) "s "o ( m exp]i5ce & bett] k ?an ,i am4 ,if y see p :o are beg9n+ to ta/e ( ,god1 d n tru/ !m if !y ?9k t !y advance m1 & h a deep] fruition ( ,god1 :5 !y make ef=ts ( _! own4 ,oh1 :5 ,god wills x1 h[ ,he discov]s ,himself )\t ^! little ef=ts ( ours6 ,we may d :at we l1 b ,he ?r[s ! _s into a trance z easily z a giant takes up a /raw2 no resi/ance is possible4 ,:at a ?+ to believe1 t ,god w wait till ! toad %all fly ( itself1 :5 ,he has already will$ x %\ld d s6 ,well1 x seems to me /ill m difficult & h>d = our _s to rise upw>ds1 if ,god does n raise x1 see+ t x is burd5$ ) e>?1 & h9d]$ 9 a ?\s& ways4 ,its will+ness to rise is ( no s]vice to x2 =1 ?\gh an aptness = fly+ be m natural to x ?an to a toad1 yet is x s sunk 9 ! mire z to h lo/ x by its own fault4 #ba4 ,i come1 !n1 to ?is conclusion3 :5ev] we ?9k ( ,*ri/1 we %\ld rem9d ourselves ( ! love t made ,him be/[ s _m graces ^u u1 & also h[ great t love is :i* our ,"l ,god has %[n u1 9 giv+ u su* a pl$ge ( ! love ,he be>s u2 = love draws =? love4 ,& ?\gh we are only at ! v beg9n+1 & exce$+ly wick$1 yet let u always lab\r to keep ?is 9 view1 & /ir ourselves up to love2 = if once our ,"l grants u ?is grace1 ( hav+ ?is love impr9t$ 9 our he>ts1 ev]y?+ w be easy1 & we %all d great ?+s 9 a v %ort "t1 & ) v little lab\r4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y give u t love1--,he kn[s ! great ne$ we h ( x1--= ! sake ( t love :i* ,he bore u1 & ( ,8 glori\s ,son1 to :om x co/ s mu* to make x kn[n to u6 ,am54 #bb4 ,!re is "o ?+ ,i %\ld l to ask y1 my fa!r4 ,h[ is x t1 :5 our ,"l beg9s to be/[ ^u a s\l a grace s great z ?is ( p]fect contemplation1 x is n1 z x ought to be1 p]fect at once8 ,c]ta9ly1 x seems x %\ld be s2 = he :o receives a grace s great ought nev] m to seek consolations on e>?4 ,h[ is x1 ,i ask1 t a s\l :i* has ec/asies & s f> is m accu/om$ to receive graces1 %\ld yet seem to br+ =? fruits /ill high] & high]1--& ! m s1 ! m x is deta*$1--:5 our ,"l might h sanctifi$ x at once1 ! mom5t ,he came ne> x8 ,h[ is x1 ,i ask aga91 t ! same ,"l br+s x to ! p]fection ( virtue only 9 ! c\rse ( "t8 ,i %\ld be glad to le>n ! reason1 = ,i "k x n4 ,i d "k1 h[ev]1 t 9 ! beg9n+1 :5 a trance la/s only ! tw9kl+ ( an eye1 & is almo/ imp]ceptible b = ! effects x produces1 ! degree ( /r5g? :i* ,god !n gives is v diff]5t f t :i* ,he gives :5 ?is grace is a trance ( long] duration4 #bc4 ,v (t51 :5 ?9k+ ( ?is1 h ,i imag9$ ! reason might be1 t ! s\l does n despise itself all at once1 till our ,"l in/ructs x by degrees1 & makes x resolute1 & gives x ! /r5g? ( manhood1 s t x may trample utt]ly ^u ev]y?+4 ,he gave ?is /r5g? to ! ,magdal5e 9 a mom5t4 ,he gives ! same grace to o!rs1 accord+ to ! measure ( _! ab&onm5t ( !mselves into ! h&s ( ,8 ,maje/y1 t ,he may d ) !m z ,he w4 ,we nev] ?or\ghly believe t ,god rew>ds a hundr$fold ev5 9 ?is life4 #bd #bd4 ,i also ?\ght ( ?is comp>ison3 suppos+ grace giv5 to ^? :o are f> advanc$ to be ! same ) t giv5 to ^? :o are b beg9n]s1 we may !n lik5 x to a c]ta9 food ( :i* _m p]sons p>take3 !y :o eat a little reta9 ! sav\r ( x = a mom5t1 !y :o eat m are n\ri%$ by x1 b ^? :o eat mu* receive life & /r5g?4 ,n[1 ! s\l may eat s frequ5tly & s abundantly ( ?is food ( life z to h no pleasure 9 eat+ any o!r food1 because x sees h[ mu* good x d]ives f x4 ,its ta/e is n[ s =m$ ^u x1 t x w\ld r n live ?an h to eat any o!r food2 = all food b ?is has no o!r effect ?an to take away ! sweet sav\r :i* ?is good food leaves beh9d4 #be4 ,fur!r1 ! conv]sation ( good p does n pr(it u 9 "o day z mu* z x does 9 _m2 & we may conv]se ) !m long en\gh to become l !m1 by ! grace ( ,god4 ,9 %ort1 ! :ole matt] is z ,8 ,maje/y wills4 ,he gives ,8 grace to :om ,he pleases2 b mu* dep5ds on ?is3 he :o beg9s to receive ?is grace mu/ make a firm resolution to deta* himself f all ?+s1 & e/eem ?is grace accord+ to reason4 #bf4 ,x seems also to me z if ,8 ,maje/y 7 go+ ab\t to try ^? :o love ,him1--n[ "o1 n[ ano!r1--reveal+ ,himself 9 supreme joy1 s z to quick5 our belief1 if x %\ld be dead1 9 :at ,he w give u1 say+1 ,behold6 ?is is b a drop ( ! imm5se sea ( bless+s2 = ,he leaves no?+ undone = ^? ,he loves2 & z ,he sees !m receive x1 s ,he gives1 & ,he gives ,himself4 ,he loves ^? :o love ,him4 ,oh1 h[ de> ,he is6--h[ good a ,fri5d6 ,o my s\l's ,"l1 :o c f9d words to describe :at ,?\ give/ to ^? :o tru/ 9 ,!e1 & :at !y lose :o come to ?is /ate1 & yet dwell 9 !mselves6 ,oh1 let n ?is be s1 ,o my ,"l6 = ,?\ doe/ m ?an ?is :5 ,?\ come/ to a lodg+ s mean z m9e4 ,bless$ be ,?\ = ev] & ev]6 #bg4 ,i n[ humbly ask y1 my fa!r1 if y mean to discuss :at ,i h writt5 on pray] ) spiritual p]sons1 to see t !y are s really2 = if !y be p]sons :o "k only "o way1 or :o h /ood /ill midway1 !y w n be able to und]/& ! matt]4 ,!re are also "s :om ,god leads at once by ! highe/ way2 ^! ?9k t o!rs might advance 9 ! same mann]--quiet ! und]/&+1 & make bodily objects none ( _! means2 b ^! p w rema9 dry z a /ick4 ,o!rs1 also1 !re are :o1 hav+ = a mom5t atta9$ to ! pray] ( quiet1 ?9k =?) t1 z !y h _h ! "o1 s !y may h ! o!r4 ,^! in/ead ( advanc+1 g back1 z ,i said be=e4 #be ,s1 ?r\gh\t1 exp]i5ce & discretion are necess>y4 ,may our ,"l1 ( ,8 goodness1 be/[ !m on u6 #a4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #g1 #d4 #b4 ,?is op9ion is suppos$ to be ju/ifi$ by ! words ( ,/4 ,?omas1 #c ,s5t4 di/4 #bb1 qu4 #c1 art4 #a1 ad qu9tum4 ,corporalis prs5tia ,*ri/i 9 duobus pot]at esse nociva4 ,primo1 quantum ad fidem1 quia vid5tes ,eum 9 =ma 9 qua erat m9or ,patre1 non ita de facili cr$]5t ,eum qualem ,patri1 ut dicit glossa sup] ,joannem4 ,secundo1 quantum ad dilectionem1 quia ,eum non solum spiritualit]1 s$ etiam c>nalit] dilig]emus1 conv]santes cum ,ipso corporalit]1 et hoc e/ de imp]fectione dilectionis4 #c4 ,/4 ,john xvi4 #g3 ,exp$it vobis ut ,ego vadam2 si enim non abi]o1 ,p>acletus non v5iet ad vos4 #d4 ,?is s5t5ce is 9 ! m>g9 ( ! orig9al ,,ms41 n 9 ! text1 b 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t 7,de la ,fu5te74 #e4 ,i mean by lately 4 4 4 & visions is 9 ! m>g9 ( ! ,,ms41 b 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t 7,de la ,fu5te74 #f4 ,*4 xxviii4 #d4 #g4 ,/4 ,matt4 iii4 #ag3 ,hic e/ ,filius ,meus dilectus1 9 quo ,mihi complacui4 #h4 ,/4 ,john x4 #g1 #i3 ,ego sum o/ium4 #i4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 iii4 *4 i4 p4 #bab4 #aj4 ,*4 xii4 #e1 #g4 #aa4 ,*4 xv4 #ba4 #ab4 ,*4 xx4 #b4 #ac4 ,/4 ,luke v4 #h3 ,exi a me1 quia homo peccator sum1 ,dom9e4 #ad4 ,*4 xii4 #f4 #ae4 ,*4 xxviii4 #af4 ,psalm lxxii4 #bb3 ,et ego ad nihilum r$actus sum1 et nescivi4 #ag4 ,isaias liii4 #c3 ,virum dolorum1 et sci5tem infirmitatem4 #ah4 ,*4 xi4 #ae4 #ai4 ,/4 ,luke xvii4 #aj3 ,s]vi inutiles sumus4 #bj4 ,*4 xi4 #aa4 #ba4 ,/4 ,luke xiv4 #h3 ,non discumbas 9 primo loco4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 xxvi4 #a2 b *4 xvii4 ( ! old editions4 #bb4 ,*4 xi4 #bc1 *4 xviii4 #f4 #bc4 ,os4 ii4 #ad3 ,ducam eam 9 solitud9em4 #bd4 ,/4 ,matt4 xix4 #bi3 ,qui reliqu]it domum1 4 4 4 c5tuplum accipiet4 #be4 ,*4 xii4 #e4 ,*apt] ,,xxiii4 ,! ,sa9t ,resumes ! ,hi/ory ( ,h] ,life4 ,aim+ at ,p]fection4 ,means ,:]eby ,x ,may ,be ,ga9$4 ,in/ructions = ,confessors4 #a4 ,i %all n[ return to t po9t 9 my life :]e ,i broke (f1 #a hav+ made1 ,i believe1 a long] digression ?an ,i ne$ h made1 9 ord] t :at is /ill to come may be m cle>ly und]/ood4 ,h5ce=?1 x is ano!r & a new book1--,i mean1 ano!r & a new life4 ,hi!rto1 my life 0 my own2 my life1 s9ce ,i began to expla9 ^! me?ods ( pray]1 is ! life :i* ,god liv$ 9 me1--s x seems to me2 = ,i feel x to be impossible t ,i %\ld h escap$ 9 s %ort a "t f ways & works t 7 s wick$4 ,may our ,"l be prais$1 :o has deliv]$ me f myself6 #b4 ,:51 !n1 ,i began to avoid ! occasions ( s91 & to give myself m unto pray]1 our ,"l also began to be/[ ,8 graces ^u me1 z "o :o desir$1 s x seem$1 t ,i too %\ld be will+ to receive !m4 ,8 ,maje/y began to give me mo/ frequ5tly ! grace ( ! pray] ( quiet1 & v (t5 t ( union1 :i* la/$ "s "t4 ,b z1 9 ^! days1 wom5 h fall5 into great delusions & deceits ( ,satan1 #b ,i began to be afraid1 because ! joy & sweetness :i* ,i felt 7 s great1 & v (t5 beyond my p[] to avoid4 ,on ! o!r h&1 ,i felt 9 myself a v deep conviction t ,god 0 ) me1 especially :5 ,i 0 9 pray]4 ,i saw1 too1 t ,i grew bett] & /rong] !reby4 #c4 ,b if ,i 0 a little di/ract$1 ,i began to be afraid1 & to imag9e t p]haps x 0 ,satan t susp5d$ my und]/&+1 mak+ me ?9k x to be good1 9 ord] to )draw me f m5tal pray]1 h9d] my m$itation on ! ,passion1 & deb> me ! use ( my und]/&+3 ?is seem$ to me1 :o did n compreh5d ! matt]1 to be a griev\s loss b1 z ,8 ,maje/y 0 pleas$ to give me light to (f5d ,him no m1 & to und]/& h[ mu* ,i ow$ ,him1 ?is fe> s grew ^u me1 t x made me seek dilig5tly = spiritual p]sons ) :om ,i might treat ( my /ate4 ,i _h already he>d ( "s2 = ! ,fa!rs ( ! ,society ( ,jesus _h come hi!r2 #c & ,i1 ?\gh ,i knew none ( !m1 0 greatly attract$ by !m1 m]ely because ,i _h he>d ( _! way ( life & ( pray]2 b ,i did n ?9k myself fit to speak to !m1 or /rong en\gh to obey !m2 & ?is made me /ill m afraid2 = to conv]se ) !m1 & rema9 :at ,i 01 seem$ to me some:at rude4 #d4 ,i sp5t "s "t 9 ?is /ate1 till1 aft] mu* inw>d cont5tion & fe>1 ,i det]m9$ to conf] ) "s spiritual p]son1 to ask him to tell me :at t me?od ( pray] 0 :i* ,i 0 us+1 & to %[ me :e!r ,i 0 9 error4 ,i 0 also resolv$ to d ev]y?+ ,i c\ld n to (f5d ,god2 = ! want ( c\rage ( :i* ,i 0 consci\s1 z ,i said be=e1 #d made me s timid4 ,0 !re ev] delusion s great z m9e1 ,o my ,god1 :5 ,i )drew f good 9 ord] to become good6 ,! devil mu/ lay mu* /ress on ?is 9 ! beg9n+ ( a c\rse ( virtue2 = ,i c\ld n ov]come my repugnance4 ,he kn[s t ! :ole relief ( ! s\l consi/s 9 conf]r+ ) ! fri5ds ( ,god4 ,h5ce x 0 t no "t 0 fix$ 9 :i* ,i %\ld resolve to d ?is4 ,i wait$ to gr[ bett] fir/1 z ,i did be=e :5 ,i ceas$ to pray1 #e--;& p]haps ,i nev] %\ld h become bett]2 = ,i _h n[ sunk s deeply into ! petty ways ( an evil habit1--,i c\ld n conv9ce myself t !y 7 wrong1--t ,i ne$$ ! help ( o!rs1 :o %\ld hold out a h& to raise me up4 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o ,"l6--= ! fir/ h& out/ret*$ to me 0 ,?9e4 #e4 ,:5 ,i saw t my fe> 0 go+ s f>1 x /ruck me--because ,i 0 mak+ progress 9 pray]--t ?is mu/ be a great bless+1 or a v great evil2 = ,i und]/ood p]fectly t :at _h happ5$ 0 some?+ sup]natural1 because at times ,i 0 unable to )/& x2 to h x :5 ,i w\ld 0 also impossible4 ,i ?\ght to myself t !re 0 no help = x1 b 9 keep+ my consci5ce pure1 avoid+ e occasion ev5 ( v5ial s9s2 = if x 0 ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 ! ga9 0 cle>2 & if ! "w ( ,satan1 s long z ,i /rove to please1 & did n (f5d1 our ,"l1 ,satan c\ld d me little h>m2 on ! contr>y1 he mu/ lose 9 ! /ruggle4 ,det]m9$ on ?is c\rse1 & always pray+ ,god to help me1 /riv+ also aft] purity ( consci5ce = "s days1 ,i saw t my s\l _h n /r5g? to g =? alone to a p]fection s great4 ,i _h c]ta9 atta*m5ts to trifles1 :i*1 ?\gh n v wrong 9 !mselves1 7 yet en\gh to ru9 all4 #f4 ,i 0 told ( a le>n$ ecclesia/ic1 #f dwell+ 9 ?is city1 ^: goodness & pi\s life our ,"l 0 beg9n+ to make kn[n to ! _w4 ,i contriv$ to make 8 acqua9tance ?r\gh a sa9tly nobleman #g liv+ 9 ! same place4 ,?is latt] is a m>ri$ man2 b 8 life is s edify+ & virtu\s1 s giv5 to pray]1 & s full ( *>ity1 t ! goodness & p]fection ( x %9e =? 9 all he does3 & mo/ ju/ly s2 = _m s\ls h be5 greatly bless$ ?r\gh him1 because ( 8 great gifts1 :i*1 ?\gh 8 condition ( a layman be a h9drance to him1 nev] lie idle4 ,he is a man ( great s5se1 & v g5tle ) all p2 8 conv]sation is nev] we>isome1 b s sweet & graci\s1 z well z upright & holy1 t he pleases ev]ybody v mu* ) :om he has any relations4 ,he directs x all to ! great good ( ^? s\ls ) :om he conv]ses & he seems to h no o!r end 9 view b to d all he may be p]mitt$ to d = all m51 & make !m cont5t4 #g4 ,?is bless$ & holy man1 !n1 seems to me1 by ! pa9s he took1 to h be5 ! beg9n+ ( salvation to my s\l4 ,8 humility 9 8 relations ) me makes me wond]2 = he _h sp5t1 ,i believe1 ne>ly =ty ye>s 9 pray]1--x may be two or ?ree ye>s less1--& all 8 life 0 ord]$ ) t p]fection :i* 8 /ate admitt$4 ,8 wife is s great a s]vant ( ,god1 & s full ( *>ity1 t no?+ is lo/ to him on h] acc\nt1 #h--;9 %ort1 %e 0 ! *os5 wife ( "o :o ,god knew w\ld s]ve ,him s well4 ,"s ( _! k9dr$ are m>ri$ to "s ( m9e4 ,besides1 ,i _h also mu* communication ) ano!r great s]vant ( ,god1 m>ri$ to "o ( my fir/ c\s9s4 #h4 ,x 0 ?us ,i contriv$ t ! ecclesia/ic ,i speak (1 :o 0 s great a s]vant ( ,god1 & 8 great fri5d1 %\ld come to speak to me1 int5d+ to confess to him1 & to take him = my director4 ,:5 he _h br\ght him to speak to me1 ,i1 9 ! greate/ confusion at f9d+ myself 9 ! pres5ce ( s holy a man1 reveal$ to him ! /ate ( my s\l1 & my way ( pray]4 ,he w\ld n be my confessor2 he said t he 0 v mu* occupi$3 & s1 inde$1 he 04 ,he began ) a holy resolution to direct me z if ,i 0 /rong1--,i ought to h be5 /rong1 accord+ to ! me?od ( pray] :i* he saw ,i us$1--s t ,i %\ld 9 no?+ (f5d ,god4 ,:5 ,i saw t he 0 resolv$ to make me break (f at once ) ! petty ways ,i spoke ( be=e1 #i & t ,i _h n ! c\rage to g =? at once 9 ! p]fection he requir$ ( me1 ,i 0 di/ress$2 & :5 ,i p]ceiv$ t he ord]$ ! affairs ( my s\l z if ,i ought to be p]fect at once1 ,i saw t mu* m c>e 0 necess>y 9 my case4 ,9 a ^w1 ,i felt t ! means he w\ld h employ$ 7 n ^? by :i* my s\l c\ld be help$ onw>ds2 = !y 7 fitt$ = a s\l m p]fect ?an m9e2 & ?\gh ! graces ,i _h receiv$ f ,god 7 v _m1 ,i 0 /ill at ! v beg9n+ 9 ! matt] ( virtue & ( mortification4 #i4 ,i believe c]ta9ly1 if ,i _h only _h ?is ecclesia/ic to conf] )1 t my s\l w\ld h made no progress2 = ! pa9 x gave me to see t ,i 0 n do+--&1 z ,i ?\ght1 c\ld n d--:at he told me1 0 en\gh to de/roy all hope1 & make me ab&on ! matt] altoge!r4 ,i wond] at times h[ x 0 t he1 be+ "o :o _h a p>ticul> grace = ! direction ( beg9n]s 9 ! way ( ,god1 0 n p]mitt$ to und]/& my case1 or to und]take ! c>e ( my s\l4 ,i see x 0 all = my great] good1 9 ord] t ,i might "k & conv]se ) p]sons s holy z ! memb]s ( ! ,society ( ,jesus4 #aj4 ,aft] ?is1 ,i arrang$ ) t sa9tly nobleman t he %\ld come & see me n[ & !n4 ,x %[s h[ deep 8 humility 02 = he cons5t$ to conv]se ) a p]son s wick$ z ,i 04 ,he began 8 visits1 he enc\rag$ me1 & told me t ,i ought n to suppose ,i c\ld give up ev]y?+ 9 "o day2 ,god w\ld br+ x ab\t by degrees3 he himself _h = "s ye>s be5 unable to free himself f "s v slight imp]fections4 ,o humility6 :at great bless+s ?\ br+e/ to ^? 9 :om ?\ dwelle/1 & to !m :o draw ne> to ^? :o possess !e6 ,?is holy man--= ,i ?9k ,i may ju/ly call him s--told me ( weaknesses ( 8 own1 9 ord] to help me4 ,he1 9 8 humility1 ?\ght !m weaknesses2 b1 if we consid] 8 /ate1 !y 7 nei!r faults nor imp]fections2 yet1 9 my /ate1 x 0 a v great fault to be subject to !m4 #aa4 ,i am n say+ ?is )\t a mean+1 ?\gh ,i seem to be enl>g+ on trifles2 b ^! trifles contribute s mu* t[>ds ! beg9n+ ( ! s\l's progress & its flight upw>ds1 ?\gh x has no w+s1 z !y say2 & yet no "o w believe x :o has n _h exp]i5ce ( x2 b1 z ,i hope 9 ,god t y\r rev]5ce w help _m a s\l1 ,i speak ( x "h4 ,my :ole salvation dep5d$ on 8 kn[+ h[ to treat me1 on 8 humility1 on ! *>ity ) :i* he conv]s$ ) me1 & on 8 pati5t endurance ( me :5 he saw t ,i did n m5d my ways at once4 ,he w5t on discreetly1 by degrees %[+ me h[ to ov]come ,satan4 ,my affection = him s grew ^u me1 t ,i nev] 0 m at ease ?an on ! day ,i us$ to see him4 ,i saw him1 h[ev]1 v r>ely4 ,:5 he 0 long 9 com+1 ,i us$ to be v mu* di/ress$1 ?9k+ t he w\ld n see me because ,i 0 s wick$4 #ab4 ,:5 he f\nd out my great imp]fections1 !y might well h be5 s9s1 ?\gh s9ce ,i conv]s$ ) him ,i am some:at improv$1--& :5 ,i rec\nt$ to him1 9 ord] to obta9 light f him1 ! great graces :i* ,god _h be/[$ ^u me1 he told me t ^! ?+s 7 inconsi/5t "o ) ano!r2 t ^! consolations 7 giv5 to p :o _h made great progress1 & l$ mortifi$ lives2 t he c\ld n help be+ v mu* afraid--he ?\ght t ! evil _s might h some?+ to d 9 my case2 he w\ld n decide t "q1 h[ev]1 b he w\ld h me c>efully consid] my :ole me?od ( pray]1 & !n tell him ( x4 ,t 0 ! difficulty3 ,i did n und]/& x myself1 & s ,i c\ld tell him no?+ ( my pray]2 = ! grace to und]/& x--&1 und]/&+ x1 to describe x--has only lately be5 giv5 me ( ,god4 ,?is say+ ( 81 toge!r ) ! fe> ,i 0 91 di/ress$ me exce$+ly1 & ,i cri$2 = c]ta9ly ,i 0 anxi\s to please ,god1 & ,i c\ld n p]suade myself t ,satan _h any?+ to d ) x4 ,b ,i 0 afraid1 on acc\nt ( my great s9s1 t ,god might leave me bl9d1 s t ,i %\ld und]/& no?+4 #ac4 ,look+ into books to see if ,i c\ld f9d any?+ !re by :i* ,i might recognise ! pray] ,i practis$1 ,i f\nd 9 "o ( !m1 call$ ! ,asc5t ( ! ,m\nt1 #aj & 9 t "p ( x :i* relates to ! union ( ! s\l ) ,god1 all ^? m>ks :i* ,i _h 9 myself1 9 t ,i c\ld n ?9k ( any?+4 ,?is is :at ,i mo/ dwelt on--t ,i c\ld ?9k ( no?+ :5 ,i 0 9 pray]4 ,i m>k$ t passage1 & gave him ! book1 t he1 & ! ecclesia/ic m5tion$ be=e1 #aa sa9t & s]vant ( ,god1 might consid] x1 & tell me :at ,i %\ld d4 ,if !y ?\ght x "r1 ,i w\ld give up t me?od ( pray] altoge!r2 = :y %\ld ,i expose myself to dang]1 :51 at ! end ( ne>ly tw5ty ye>s1 dur+ :i* ,i _h us$ x1 ,i _h ga9$ no?+1 b _h fall5 into a delusion ( ! devil8 ,x 0 bett] = me to give x up4 ,& yet ?is seem$ to me h>d2 = ,i _h already discov]$ :at my s\l w\ld become )\t pray]4 ,ev]y?+ seem$ full ( tr\ble4 ,i 0 l a p]son 9 ! middle ( a riv]1 :o1 9 :atev] direction he may turn1 fe>s a /ill great] dang]1 & is well-nigh dr[n$4 ,?is is a v great trial1 & ,i h gone ?r\gh _m l x1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]2 #ab & ?\gh x does n seem to be ( any importance1 x w p]haps be advantage\s to und]/& h[ ! _s is to be tri$4 #ad4 ,& c]ta9ly ! affliction to be borne is great1 & caution is necess>y1 p>ticul>ly 9 ! case ( wom51--= our weakness is great1--& mu* evil may be ! result ( tell+ !m v di/9ctly t ! devil is busy ) !m2 yea1 r1 ! matt] %\ld be v c>efully consid]$1 & !y %\ld be remov$ out ( rea* ( ! dang]s t may arise4 ,!y %\ld be advis$ to keep ?+s secret2 & x is necess>y1 also1 t _! secret %\ld be kept4 ,i am speak+ ( ?is z "o to :om x has be5 a sore tr\ble2 = "s ( ^? ) :om ,i spoke ( my pray] did n keep my secret1 b1 mak+ inquiries "o ( ano!r1 = a good purpose1 did me mu* h>m2 = !y made ?+s kn[n :i* might well h rema9$ secret1 because n int5d$ = e "o & x seem$ z if ,i _h made !m public myself4 #ac #ae4 ,i believe t our ,"l p]mitt$ #ad ?is to be done )\t s9 on _! "p1 9 ord] t ,i might suff]4 ,i d n say t !y reveal$ any?+ ,i discuss$ ) !m 9 confession2 /ill1 z !y 7 p]sons to :om1 9 my fe>s1 ,i gave a full acc\nt ( myself1 9 ord] t !y might give me light1 ,i ?\ght !y ought to h be5 sil5t4 ,nev]!less1 ,i nev] d>$ to conceal any?+ f su* p]sons4 ,my mean+1 !n1 is1 t wom5 %\ld be direct$ ) mu* discretion2 _! directors %\ld enc\rage !m1 & bide ! "t :5 our ,"l w help !m1 z ,he has help$ me4 ,if ,he _h n1 ! greate/ h>m w\ld h befall5 me1 = ,i 0 9 great fe> & dread2 & z ,i suff]$ f disease ( ! he>t1 #ae ,i am a/oni%$ t all ?is did n d me a great deal ( h>m4 #af4 ,!n1 :5 ,i _h giv5 him ! book1 & told ! /ory ( my life & ( my s9s1 ! be/ way ,i c\ld 9 g5]al1--= ,i 0 n 9 confession1 because he 0 a layman2 yet ,i gave him cle>ly to und]/& h[ wick$ ,i 01--^? two s]vants ( ,god1 ) great *>ity & affection1 consid]$ :at 0 be/ = me4 ,:5 !y _h made up _! m9ds :at to say1--,i 0 wait+ = x 9 great dread1 hav+ begg$ _m p]sons to pray to ,god = me1 & ,i too _h pray$ mu* dur+ ^? days1--! nobleman came to me 9 great di/ress1 & said t1 9 ! op9ion ( bo?1 ,i 0 delud$ by an evil _s2 t ! be/ ?+ = me to d 0 to apply to a c]ta9 fa!r ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 :o w\ld come to me if ,i s5t = him1 say+ ,i _h ne$ ( him2 t ,i ought1 9 a g5]al confession1 to give him an acc\nt ( my :ole life1 & ( ! /ate ,i 0 91--& all ) great cle>ness3 ,god w\ld1 9 virtue ( ! ,sacram5t ( ,confession1 give him m light conc]n+ me2 = ^? fa!rs 7 v exp]i5c$ m5 9 matt]s ( spirituality4 ,fur!r1 ,i 0 n to sw]ve 9 a s+le po9t f ! c\nsels ( t fa!r2 = ,i 0 9 great dang]1 if ,i _h no "o to direct me4 #ag4 ,?is answ] s al>m$ & di/ress$ me1 t ,i knew n :at to d--,i did no?+ b cry4 ,be+ 9 an oratory 9 great affliction1 n kn[+ :at w\ld become ( me1 ,i read 9 a book--x seem$ z if our ,"l _h put x into my h&s--t ,/4 ,paul said1 ,god is fai?ful2 #af t ,he w nev] p]mit ,satan to deceive ^? :o love ,him4 ,?is gave me great consolation4 ,i began to prep>e = my g5]al confession1 & to write out all ! evil & all ! good3 a hi/ory ( my life1 z cle>ly z ,i und]/ood x1 & knew h[ to make x1 omitt+ no?+ :atev]4 ,i rememb]1 :5 ,i saw ,i _h writt5 s mu* evil1 & sc>cely any?+ t 0 good1 t ,i 0 exce$+ly di/ress$ & sorr[ful4 ,x pa9$ me1 also1 t ! nuns ( ! community %\ld see me conv]se ) su* holy p]sons z ^? ( ! ,society ( ,jesus2 = ,i 0 afraid ( my own wick$ness1 & ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld be oblig$ to cease f x1 & give up my amusem5ts2 & t if ,i did n d s1 ,i %\ld gr[ worse3 s ,i p]suad$ ! sacri/an & ! portress to tell no "o ( x4 ,?is 0 ( little use1 aft] all2 = :5 ,i 0 call$ d[n !re 0 "o at ! door1 z x happ5$1 :o told x to ! :ole conv5t4 ,b :at difficulties & :at t]rors ,satan tr\bles !m ) :o w\ld draw ne> unto ,god6 #ah4 ,i communicat$ ! :ole /ate ( my s\l to t s]vant ( ,god #ag & he 0 a great s]vant ( ,81 & v prud5t4 ,he und]/ood all ,i told him1 expla9$ x to me1 & enc\rag$ me greatly4 ,he said t all 0 v evid5tly ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god2 only x 0 necess>y = me to g back aga9 to my pray]1 because ,i 0 n well gr\nd$1 & _h n begun to und]/& :at mortification meant1--t 0 true1 = ,i d n ?9k ,i knew x ev5 by "n1--t ,i 0 by no means to give up pray]2 on ! contr>y1 ,i 0 to d viol5ce to myself 9 ord] to practise x1 because ,god _h be/[$ on me su* special graces z made x impossible to say :e!r x 01 or 0 n1 ! w ( our ,"l to d good to _m ?r\gh me4 ,he w5t fur!r1 = he seems to h prophesi$ ( t :i* our ,"l aft]w>ds did ) me1 & said t ,i %\ld be v mu* to blame if ,i did n correspond ) ! graces :i* ,god be/[$ ^u me4 ,x seems to me t ! ,holy ,gho/ 0 speak+ by 8 m\? 9 ord] to heal my s\l1 s deep 0 ! impression he made4 ,he made me v mu* a%am$ ( myself1 & direct$ me by a way :i* seem$ to *ange me altoge!r4 ,:at a gr& ?+ x is to und]/& a s\l6 ,he told me to make my pray] e day on "s my/]y ( ! ,passion1 & t ,i %\ld pr(it by x1 & to fix my ?\ghts on ! ,sacr$ ,humanity only1 resi/+ to ! utmo/ ( my p[] ^? recollections & delights1 to :i* ,i 0 n to yield 9 any way till he gave me fur!r directions 9 ! matt]4 #ai4 ,he left me consol$ & =tifi$3 our ,"l came to my succ\r & to 81 s t he might und]/& ! /ate ,i 0 91 & h[ he 0 to direct me4 ,i made a firm resolution n to sw]ve f any?+ he might comm& me1 & to ?is day ,i h kept x4 ,our ,"l be prais$1 :o has giv5 me grace to be ob$i5t to my confessors1 #ah h[ev] imp]fectly6--& !y h almo/ always be5 ^? bless$ m5 ( ! ,society ( ,jesus2 ?\gh1 z ,i said1 ,i h b imp]fectly obey$ !m4 ,my s\l began to improve visibly1 z ,i am n[ go+ to say4 #a4 ,at ! end ( *4 ix4 ,! ?irte5 *apt]s int]pos$ betwe5 t & ?is--! tw5ty-?ird--are a treatise on my/ical !ology4 #b4 ,%e ref]s to ,magdal5e ( ! ,cross 7,re=ma de los ,descalos1 vol4 i4 lib4 i4 c4 xix4 #b74 #c4 ,! college ( ! ,society at ,avila 0 f\nd$ 9 #aeee2 b "s ( ! ,fa!rs _h come ?i!r 9 #aeec 7,de la ,fu5te74 #d4 ,*4 vii4 #cg4 #e4 ,*4 xix4 #g1 #h4 #f4 ,gasp> ,daza _h =m$ a society ( prie/s 9 ,avila1 & 0 a v labori\s & holy man4 ,x 0 he :o said ! fir/ ,mass 9 ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 f\nd$ by #et4 ,t]esa1 :om he surviv$1 dy+ ,nov4 #bd1 #aeib4 ,he committ$ ! direction ( 8 prie/s to ,f4 ,baltas> ,alv>ez 7,b\ix74 ,juan ( ,avila act$ mu* 9 ! same way :5 ! ,jesuits settl$ 9 ,avila 7,de la ,fu5te74 #g4 ,don ,francisco de ,salc$o4 ,aft] ! dea? ( 8 wife1 he became a prie/1 & 0 *apla9 & confessor ( ! ,c>melite nuns ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,= tw5ty ye>s ( 8 m>ri$ life he att5d$ regul>ly ! !ological lectures ( ! ,dom9icans1 9 ! h\se ( ,/4 ,?omas4 ,8 dea? took place ,sept4 #ab1 #aehj1 :5 he _h be5 a prie/ = t5 ye>s 7,/4 ,t]esa's ,lett]s1 vol4 iv4 lett] #dc1 note #ac3 lett] #cfh1 ed4 ( ,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,da ,m5cia del ,aguila 7,de la ,fu5te1 9 a note on lett] #aj1 vol4 ii4 p4 #i1 :]e he corrects himself1--hav+ previ\sly call$ h] ,m5cia de ,avila74 #i4 #d4 #aj4 ,subida del ,monte ,sion1 by a ,franciscan fri>1 ,b]n>d9o de ,l>$o 7,re=ma1 vol4 i4 lib4 i4 c4 xix4 #g74 #aa4 #f4 #ab4 ,see *4 xxv4 #ah4 #ac4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #ah4 #ad4 ,see ,relation1 vii4 #ag4 #ae4 ,see *4 iv4 #f4 #af4 #a ,cor4 x4 #ac3 ,fidelis autem ,deus e/1 qui non patietur vos t5t>i supra id quod pote/is4 #ag4 ,f4 ,juan de ,padranos1 :om ,/4 ,francis de ,borja _h s5t 9 #aeee1 ) ,f4 ,f]n&o ,alv>ez del ,aguila1 to f\nd ! h\se ( ! ,society 9 ,avila 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,rib]a1 i4 #e1 says he he>d t ,f4 ,juan de ,padranos gave 9 "p ! ,ex]cises ( ,/4 ,ignatius to ! ,sa9t4 #ah4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #i4 ,*apt] ,,xxiv4 ,progress ,"u ,ob$i5ce4 ,h] ,inability to ,resi/ ! ,graces ( ,god4 ,god ,multiplies ,8 ,graces4 #a4 ,aft] ?is my confession1 my s\l 0 s docile t1 z x seems to me1 !re 0 no?+ 9 ! _w ,i 0 n prep>$ to und]take4 ,i began at once to make a *ange 9 _m ?+s1 ?\gh my confessor nev] press$ me--on ! contr>y1 he seem$ to make light ( x all4 ,i 0 ! m influ5c$ by ?is1 because he l$ me on by ! way ( ! love ( ,god2 he left me free1 & did n press me1 unless ,i did s myself1 out ( love4 ,i cont9u$ ?us ne>ly two mon?s1 do+ all ,i c\ld to resi/ ! sweetness & graces t ,god s5t4 ,z to my outw>d life1 ! *ange 0 visible2 = our ,"l gave me c\rage to g ?r\gh ) c]ta9 ?+s1 ( :i* ^? :o knew me--& ev5 ^? 9 ! community--said t !y seem$ to !m extreme2 &1 inde$1 comp>$ ) :at ,i _h be5 accu/om$ to d1 !y 7 extreme3 p1 !re=e1 _h reason to say s4 ,yet1 9 ^? ?+s :i* 7 ( obligation1 consid]+ ! habit ,i wore1 & ! pr(ession ,i _h made1 ,i 0 /ill defici5t4 ,by resi/+ ! sweetness & joys :i* ,god s5t me1 ,i ga9$ ?is1 t ,8 ,maje/y taught me ,himself2 =1 previ\sly1 ,i us$ to ?9k t1 9 ord] to obta9 sweetness 9 pray]1 x 0 necess>y = me to hide myself 9 secret places1 & s ,i sc>cely d>$ to /ir4 ,aft]w>ds1 ,i saw h[ little t 0 to ! purpose2 = ! m ,i tri$ to di/ract myself1 ! m our ,"l p\r$ ov] me t sweetness & joy :i* seem$ to me to be fl[+ ar\nd me1 s t ,i c\ld n 9 any way escape f x3 & s x 04 ,i 0 s c>eful ab\t ?is resi/ance1 t x 0 a pa9 to me4 ,b our ,"l 0 m c>eful to %[ ,8 m]cies1 & dur+ ^? two mon?s to reveal ,himself m ?an be=e1 s t ,i might ! bett] compreh5d t x 0 no long] 9 my p[] to resi/ ,him4 #b4 ,i began ) a r5ew$ love ( ! mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity2 my pray] began to be solid1 l a h\se1 ! f\ndations ( :i* are /rong2 & ,i 0 incl9$ to practise great] p5ance1 hav+ be5 neglig5t 9 ?is matt] hi!rto because ( my great infirmities4 ,! holy man :o he>d my confession told me t c]ta9 p5ances w\ld n hurt me1 & t ,god p]haps s5t me s mu* sickness because ,i did no p5ance2 ,8 ,maje/y w\ld !re=e impose x ,himself4 ,he ord]$ me to practise c]ta9 acts ( mortification n v pleasant = me4 #a ,i did s1 because ,i felt t our ,"l 0 enjo9+ x all1 & giv+ him grace to comm& me 9 su* a way z to make me ob$i5t unto him4 #c4 ,my s\l 0 n[ s5sitive to e (f5ce ,i committ$ aga9/ ,god1 h[ev] slight x might be2 s mu* s1 t if ,i _h any sup]fluity ab\t me1 ,i c\ld n recollect myself 9 pray] till ,i _h got rid ( x4 ,i pray$ e>ne/ly t our ,"l w\ld hold me by ! h&1 & n suff] me to fall aga91 n[ t ,i 0 "u ! direction ( ,8 s]vants4 ,i ?\ght t w\ld be a great evil1 & t !y w\ld lose _! cr$it ?r\gh me4 #d4 ,at ?is "t1 ,fa!r ,francis1 :o 0 ,duke ( ,g&ia1 #b came "h2 he _h left all he possess$ "s ye>s be=e1 & _h ent]$ ! ,society ( ,jesus4 ,my confessor1 & ! nobleman ( :om ,i spoke be=e1 #c contriv$ t he %\ld visit me1 9 ord] t ,i might speak to him1 & give him an acc\nt ( my way ( pray]2 = !y knew him to be greatly fav\r$ & com=t$ ( ,god3 he _h giv5 up mu*1 & 0 rew>d$ = x ev5 9 ?is life4 ,:5 he _h he>d me1 he said to me t x 0 ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 #d & t he ?\ght x 0 n "r n[ to prolong t resi/ance2 t hi!rto x _h be5 safe en\gh1--only1 ,i %\ld always beg9 my pray] by m$itat+ on "s "p ( ! ,passion & t if our ,"l %\ld !n raise up my _s1 ,i %\ld make no resi/ance1 b suff] ,8 ,maje/y to raise x upw>ds1 ,i myself n seek+ x4 ,he gave bo? m$ic9e & advice1 z "o :o _h made great progress himself2 = exp]i5ce is v important 9 ^! matt]s4 ,he said t fur!r resi/ance w\ld be a mi/ake4 ,i 0 exce$+ly consol$2 s1 too1 0 ! nobleman1 :o rejoic$ greatly :5 he 0 told t x 0 ! "w ( ,god4 ,he always help$ me & gave me advice accord+ to 8 p[]1--& t p[] 0 great4 #e4 ,at ?is "t1 !y *ang$ my confessor's resid5ce4 ,i felt x v mu*1 = ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld g back to my wick$ness1 & t x 0 n possible to f9d ano!r su* z he4 ,my s\l 01 z x 71 9 a des]t1 mo/ sorr[ful & afraid4 ,i knew n :at to d ) myself4 ,"o ( my k9swom5 contriv$ to get me into h] h\se1 & ,i contriv$ at once to f9d ano!r confessor1 #e 9 ! ,society ( ,jesus4 ,x pleas$ our ,"l t ,i %\ld comm5ce a fri5d%ip ) a noble lady1 #f a wid[1 mu* giv5 to pray]1 :o _h mu* to d ) ! fa!rs4 ,%e made h] own confessor #g he> me1 & ,i rema9$ 9 h] h\se "s days4 ,%e liv$ ne>1 & ,i delight$ 9 ! _m conf]5ces ,i _h ) ! fa!rs2 = m]ely by obs]v+ ! hol9ess ( _! way ( life1 ,i felt t my s\l pr(it$ exce$+ly4 #f4 ,?is fa!r began by putt+ me 9 ! way ( great] p]fection4 ,he us$ to say to me1 t ,i ought to leave no?+ undone t ,i might be :olly pleas+ unto ,god4 ,he 01 h[ev]1 v prud5t & v g5tle at ! same "t2 = my s\l 0 n at all /rong1 b r v weak1 especially z to giv+ up c]ta9 fri5d%ips1 ?\gh ,i did n (f5d ,god by !m3 !re 0 mu* natural affection 9 !m1 & ,i ?\ght x w\ld be an act ( +ratitude if ,i broke !m (f4 ,& s1 z ,i did n (f5d ,god1 ,i ask$ him if ,i mu/ be ungrateful4 ,he told me to lay ! matt] be=e ,god = a few days1 & recite ! hymn1 ,v5i1 ,creator1 t ,god might enlight5 me z to ! bett] c\rse4 ,"o day1 hav+ pray$ = "s "t1 & implor$ our ,"l to help me to please ,him 9 all ?+s1 ,i began ! hymn2 & z ,i 0 say+ x1 ,i fell into a trance--s sudd5ly1 t ,i 01 z x 71 c>ri$ out ( myself4 ,i c\ld h no d\bt ab\t x1 = x 0 mo/ pla94 #g4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ "t t our ,"l be/[$ on me ! grace ( ec/asy4 ,i he>d ^! words3 ,i w n h !e conv]se ) m51 b ) angels4 ,?is made me wond] v mu*2 = ! commotion ( my _s 0 great1 & ^! words 7 utt]$ 9 ! v dep? ( my s\l4 ,!y made me afraid1--?\gh1 on ! o!r h&1 !y gave me great com=t1 :i*1 :5 ,i _h lo/ ! fe>1--caus$1 ,i believe1 by ! /rang5ess ( ! visitation1--rema9$ ) me4 #h4 ,^? words h be5 fulfill$2 = ,i h nev] be5 able to =m fri5d%ip )1 nor h any com=t 91 nor any p>ticul> love =1 any p]sons :atev] except ^? :o1 z ,i believe1 love ,god1 & :o /rive to s]ve ,him4 ,x has n be5 9 my p[] to d x4 ,x is no?+ to me t !y are my k9dr$1 or my fri5ds1 if ,i d n "k !m to be lov]s ( ,god1 or p]sons giv5 to pray]4 ,x is to me a pa9ful cross to conv]se ) any "o4 ,?is is ! tru?1 s f> z ,i c judge4 #h ,f t day =?1 ,i h _h c\rage s great z to leave all ?+s = ,god1 :o 9 "o mom5t--& x seems to me b a mom5t--0 pleas$ to *ange ,8 s]vant into ano!r p]son4 ,accord+ly1 !re 0 no necessity = lay+ fur!r comm&s ^u me 9 ?is matt]4 ,:5 my confessor saw h[ mu* ,i clung to ^! fri5d%ips1 he did n v5ture to bid me di/9ctly to give !m up4 ,he mu/ h wait$ till our ,"l did ! "w--z ,he did ,himself4 ,nor did ,i ?9k myself t ,i c\ld succe$2 = ,i _h tri$ be=e1 & ! pa9 x gave me 0 s great t ,i ab&on$ ! attempt1 on ! gr\nd t !re 0 no?+ unseemly 9 ^? atta*m5ts4 ,n[ our ,"l set me at lib]ty1 & gave me /r5g? also to use x4 #i4 ,s ,i told my confessor ( x1 & gave up ev]y?+1 accord+ to 8 advice4 ,x did a great deal ( good to ^? ) :om ,i us$ to conv]se1 to see my det]m9ation4 ,god be bless$ = ev]6 ,:o 9 "o mom5t set me free1 :ile ,i _h be5 = _m ye>s mak+ _m ef=ts1 & _h nev] succe$$1 v (t5 also do+ su* viol5ce to myself z injur$ my heal?2 b1 z x 0 done by ,him ,:o is almighty1 & ! true ,"l ( all1 x gave me no pa9 :atev]4 #a4 ,! ,sa9t n[ treat$ h] body ) extreme sev]ity1 discipl9+ h]self ev5 unto blood 7,re=ma1 vol4 i4 lib4 i4 c4 xx4 #d74 #b4 ,/4 ,francis de ,borja came to ,avila1 :]e ,/4 ,t]esa liv$1 9 #aeeg 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,?is passage mu/ h be5 writt5 aft] ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph1 = x 0 n 9 ! fir/ ,life1 z ! ,sa9t says1 *4 x4 #aa1 t he kept secret ! names ( h]self & all o!rs4 #c4 ,*4 xxiii4 #f4 #d4 ,see ,relation1 viii4 #f4 #e4 ,:o he 0 is n c]ta9ly kn[n4 ,! ,boll&i/s decl9e to give an op9ion3 b ,f4 ,b\ix ?9ks x 0 ,f4 ,f]d9& ,alv>ez1 :o became h] confessor on ! removal ( ,f4 ,juan de ,padranos1 & t x 0 to him %e confess$ till %e plac$ h]self "u ! direction ( ,f4 ,baltas> ,alv>ez1 ! confessor ( ,da ,guiom>1 z x is /at$ 9 ! next p>agraph1--unless ! confessor !re m5tion$ 0 ,f4 ,f]d9&4 #f4 ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa4 ,see bel[1 *4 xxxii4 #ac4 #g4 ,if ?is confessor 0 ,f4 ,baltas> ,alv>ez1 ! ,sa9t1 ,f4 ,b\ix obs]ves1 passes rapidly ov] ! hi/ory ( ! ye> #aeeg1 & ! great] "p1 p]haps1 ( #aeeh2 = ,f4 ,baltas> 0 orda9$ prie/ only 9 ! latt] ye>4 #h4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #f4 ,*apt] ,,xxv4 ,div9e ,locutions4 ,discussions on ,t ,subject4 #a4 ,x w be z well1 ,i ?9k1 to expla9 ^! locutions ( ,god1 & to describe :at ! s\l feels :5 x receives !m1 9 ord] t y1 my fa!r1 may und]/& ! matt]2 = ev] s9ce t "t ( :i* ,i am speak+1 :5 our ,"l grant$ me t grace1 x has be5 an ord9>y occurr5ce until n[1 z w appe> by :at ,i h yet to say4 #a #b4 ,! words are v di/9ctly =m$2 b by ! bodily e> !y are n he>d4 ,!y are1 h[ev]1 mu* m cle>ly und]/ood ?an !y w\ld be if !y 7 he>d by ! e>4 ,x is impossible n to und]/& !m1 :atev] resi/ance we may (f]4 ,:5 we wi% n to he> any?+ 9 ?is _w1 we c /op our e>s1 or give att5tion to some?+ else3 s t1 ev5 if we d he>1 at lea/ we c refuse to und]/&4 ,9 ?is locution ( ,god address$ to ! s\l !re is no escape1 = 9 spite ( ourselves we mu/ li/52 & ! und]/&+ mu/ apply itself s ?or\ghly to ! compreh5sion ( t :i* ,god wills we %\ld he>1 t x is no?+ to ! purpose :e!r we w x or n2 = x is ,8 w1 ,:o c d all ?+s4 ,we %\ld und]/& t ,8 w mu/ be done2 & ,he reveals ,himself z our true ,"l1 hav+ dom9ion ov] u4 ,i "k ?is by mu* exp]i5ce2 = my resi/ance la/$ ne>ly two ye>s1 #b because ( ! great fe> ,i 0 93 & ev5 n[ ,i resi/ occasionally2 b x is ( no use4 #c4 ,i %\ld l to expla9 ! delusions :i* may happ5 "h1 ?\gh he :o has _h mu* exp]i5ce w run little or no risk1 ,i ?9k2 b ! exp]i5ce mu/ be great4 ,i %\ld l to expla9 also h[ ^? locutions :i* come f ! ,good ,_s diff] f ^? :i* come f an evil _s2 &1 fur!r1 h[ !y may be b an appreh5sion ( ! und]/&+1--= t is possible1--or ev5 words :i* ! m9d address$ to itself4 ,i d n "k if x be s b ev5 ?is v day ,i ?\ght x possible4 ,i "k by exp]i5ce 9 _m ways1 :5 ^! locutions come f ,god4 ,i h be5 told ?+s two or ?ree ye>s be=eh&1 :i* h all come to pass2 & 9 none ( !m h ,i be5 hi!rto deceiv$4 ,!re are also o!r ?+s 9 :i* ! ,_s ( ,god may be cle>ly trac$1 z ,i %all relate by & by4 #c #d4 ,x seems to me t a p]son comm5d+ a matt] to ,god ) great love & e>ne/ness may ?9k t he he>s 9 "s way or o!r :e!r 8 pray] w be grant$ or n1 & ?is is q possible2 b he :o has he>d ! div9e locution w see cle>ly en\gh :at ?is is1 because !re is a great diff]5ce betwe5 ! two4 ,if x be any?+ :i* ! und]/&+ has fa%ion$1 h[ev] cunn+ly x may h done s1 he sees t x is ! und]/&+ :i* has arrang$ t locution1 & t x is speak+ ( itself4 ,?is is no?+ else b a ^w utt]$ by "o1 & li/5$ to by ano!r3 9 t case1 ! und]/&+ w see t x has n be5 li/5+ only1 b also =m+ ! words2 & ! words x =ms are some?+ indi/9ct1 fanta/ic1 & n cle> l ! div9e locutions4 ,x is 9 our p[] to turn away our att5tion f ^! locutions ( our own1 j z we c be sil5t :5 we are speak+2 b1 ) respect to ! =m]1 t _c be done4 #e4 ,!re is ano!r te/ m decisive /ill4 ,! words =m$ by ! und]/&+ effect no?+2 b1 :5 our ,"l speaks1 x is at once ^w & "w2 & ?\gh ! words may n be meant to /ir up our devotion1 b are r words ( repro(1 !y dispose a s\l at once1 /r5g!n x1 make x t5d]1 give x light1 console & calm x2 & if x %\ld be 9 dryness1 or 9 tr\ble & uneas9ess1 all is remov$1 z if by ! action ( a h&1 & ev5 bett]2 = x seems z if our ,"l w\ld h ! s\l und]/& t ,he is all-p[]ful1 & t ,8 words are de$s4 #f4 ,x seems to me t !re is z mu* diff]5ce betwe5 ^! two locutions z !re is betwe5 speak+ & li/5+1 nei!r m nor less2 = :5 ,i speak1 z ,i h j said1 #d ,i g on ) my und]/&+ arrang+ :at ,i am say+2 b if ,i am spok5 to by o!rs1 ,i d no?+ else b li/51 )\t any lab\r4 ,! human locution is z some?+ :i* we _c well make out1 z if we 7 half asleep2 b ! div9e locution is a voice s cle> t n a syllable ( its utt]ance is lo/4 ,x may occur1 too1 :5 ! und]/&+ & ! s\l are s tr\bl$ & di/ract$ t !y _c =m "o s5t5ce correctly2 & yet gr& s5t5ces1 p]fectly arrang$1 su* z ! s\l 9 its mo/ recollect$ /ate nev] c\ld h =m$1 are utt]$1 & at ! fir/ ^w1 z ,i said1 #e *ange x utt]ly4 ,/ill less c\ld x h =m$ !m if !y are utt]$ 9 an ec/asy1 :5 ! faculties ( ! s\l are susp5d$2 = h[ %\ld ! s\l !n compreh5d any?+1 :5 x rememb]s no?+8--yea1 r1 h[ c x rememb] !m !n1 :5 ! memory c h>dly d any?+ at all1 & ! imag9ation is1 z x 71 susp5d$8 #g4 ,b x is to be obs]v$1 t if we see visions & he> words x nev] is z at ! "t :5 ! s\l is 9 union 9 ! v rapture itself1--s x seems to me4 ,at t mom5t1 z ,i h %[n1--,i ?9k x 0 :5 ,i 0 speak+ ( ! second wat]1 #f--;all ! faculties ( ! s\l are susp5d$2 &1 z ,i ?9k1 nei!r vision1 nor und]/&+1 nor he>+1 is possible at t "t4 ,! s\l is !n :olly 9 ! p[] ( ano!r2 & 9 t in/ant--a v brief "o1 9 my op9ion--our ,"l leaves x free = no?+ :atev]2 b :5 ?is in/ant is pass$1 ! s\l cont9u+ /ill entranc$1 !n is ! "t ( :i* ,i am speak+2 = ! faculties1 ?\gh n completely susp5d$1 are s dispos$ t !y are sc>cely active1 be+1 z x 71 absorb$1 & incapable ( mak+ any reflections4 #h4 ,!re are s _m ways ( asc]ta9+ ! nature ( ^! locutions1 t if a p]son be once deceiv$1 he w n be deceiv$ (t54 ,i mean1 t a s\l accu/om$ to !m1 & on its gu>d1 w mo/ cle>ly see :at !y are2 =1 sett+ o!r consid]ations aside :i* prove :at ,i h said1 ! human locution produces no effect1 nei!r does ! s\l accept x1--?\gh x mu/ admit ! o!r1 :e!r we l x or n1--nor does x believe x2 on ! contr>y1 x is kn[n to be a delusion ( ! und]/&+1 & is !re=e put away z we w\ld put away ! rav+s ( a lunatic4 #i4 ,b z to ! div9e locution1 we li/5 to t z we d to a p]son ( great hol9ess1 le>n+1 or au?ority1 :om we "k to be incapable ( utt]+ a falsehood4 ,& yet ?is is an inadequate illu/ration2 = ^! locutions proce$ occasionally 9 su* great maje/y t1 )\t our recollect+ :o x is t utt]s !m1 !y make u tremble if !y be words ( repro(1 & die ( love if words ( love4 ,!y are also1 z ,i h said1 #g matt]s ( :i* ! memory has n ! lea/ recollection2 & expressions s full are utt]$ s rapidly1 t mu* "t mu/ h be5 sp5t 9 arrang+ !m1 if we =m$ !m ourselves2 & s x seems to me t we _c possibly be ignorant at ! "t t we h nev] =m$ !m ourselves at all4 #aj4 ,!re is no reason1 !re=e1 :y ,i %\ld dwell long] on ?is matt]4 ,x is a wond] to me t any exp]i5c$ p]son1 unless he delib]ately *ooses to d s1 c fall into delusions4 ,x has (t5 happ5$ to me1 :5 ,i _h d\bts1 to di/ru/ :at ,i _h he>d1 & to ?9k t x 0 all imag9ation1--b ?is ,i did aft]w>ds3 = at ! mom5t t is impossible1--& at a lat] "t to see ! :ole fulfill$2 = our ,"l makes ! words dwell 9 ! memory s t !y _c be =gott54 ,n[1 t :i* comes =? f our und]/&+ is1 z x 71 ! fir/ movem5t ( ?\ght1 :i* passes away & is =gott52 b ! div9e locution is a "w done2 & ?\gh "s ( x may be =gott51 & "t h laps$1 yet is n s :olly =gott5 t ! memory loses all traces ( :at 0 once spok51--unless1 inde$1 aft] v long "t1 or unless ! locution 7 words ( grace or ( in/ruction4 ,b z to prophetic words1 !y are nev] =gott51 9 my op9ion2 at lea/1 ,i h nev] =gott5 any1--& yet my memory is weak4 #aa4 ,i repeat x1 unless a s\l be s wick$ z to pret5d t x has ^! locutions1 :i* w\ld be a great s91 & say t x he>s div9e words :5 x he>s no?+ ( ! k9d1 x _c possibly fail to see cle>ly t itself arranges ! words1 & utt]s !m to itself4 ,t seems to me altoge!r impossible = any s\l t has ev] kn[n ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,if x has n1 x may cont9ue all its life long 9 ?is delusion1 & imag9e t x he>s & und]/&s1 ?\gh ,i "k n h[ t c be4 ,a s\l desires to he> ^! locutions1 or x does n2 if x does n1 x is di/ress$ because x he>s !m1 & is unwill+ to li/5 to !m1 because ( a ?\s& fe>s :i* !y occasion1 & = _m o!r reasons x has = be+ quiet 9 pray] )\t ^! int]ruptions4 ,h[ is x t ! und]/&+ has "t en\gh to arrange ^! locutions8 ,!y require "t4 #ab4 ,b1 on ! o!r side1 ! div9e locutions in/ruct u )\t loss ( "t1 & we und]/& matt]s :i* seem to require a mon? on our "p to arrange4 ,! und]/&+ itself1 & ! s\l1 /& amaz$ at "s ( ! ?+s we und]/&4 ,s x is2 & he :o has any exp]i5ce ( x w see t :at ,i am say+ is lit]ally true4 ,i give ,god ?anks t ,i h be5 able ?us to expla9 x4 ,i end by say+ t1 9 my op9ion1 we may he> ! locutions t proce$ f ! und]/&+ :5ev] we l1 & ?9k t we he> !m :5ev] we pray4 ,b x is n s ) ! div9e locutions3 = _m days ,i may desire to he> !m1 & ,i _c2 & at o!r times1 ev5 :5 ,i w\ld n1 z ,i said be=e1 #h he> !m1 ,i mu/4 ,x seems to me t any "o dispos$ to deceive p by say+ t he he>d f ,god t :i* he has inv5t$ himself1 might z easily say t he he>d x ) 8 bodily e>s4 ,x is mo/ c]ta9ly true t ,i nev] imag9$ !re 0 any o!r way ( he>+ or und]/&+ till ,i _h pro( ( x 9 myself2 & s1 z ,i h said be=e1 #i x gave me tr\ble en\gh4 #ac4 ,locutions t come f ,satan n only d n leave any good effects beh9d1 b d leave evil effects4 ,?is has happ5$ to me2 b n m ?an two or ?ree times4 ,our ,"l w>n$ me at once t !y came f ,satan4 ,ov] & above ! great aridity :i* rema9s 9 ! s\l aft] ^! evil locutions1 !re is also a c]ta9 disquiet1 su* z ,i h _h on _m o!r occasions1 :51 by our ,"l's p]mission1 ,i fell into great temptations & travail ( s\l 9 div]se ways2 & ?\gh ,i am 9 tr\ble (t5 en\gh1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]1 #aj yet ?is disquiet is su* t ,i "k n :5ce x comes2 only ! s\l seems to resi/1 is tr\bl$ & di/ress$1 )\t kn[+ :y2 = ! words ( ,satan are good1 & n evil4 ,i am ?9k+ :e!r ?is may n be s because "o _s is consci\s ( ! pres5ce ( ano!r4 #ad4 ,! sweetness & joy :i* ,satan gives are1 9 my op9ion1 ( a v diff]5t k9d4 ,by means ( ^! sweetnesses he may deceive any "o :o does n1 or :o nev] did1 ta/e ( ! sweetness ( ,god1--by :i* ,i mean a c]ta9 sweet1 /rong1 impressive1 delightsome1 & calm refre%+4 ,^? little1 f]vid bur/s ( te>s1 & o!r slight emotions1--= at ! fir/ brea? ( p]secution ^! fl[]s )]1--,i d n call devotion1 ?\gh !y are a good beg9n+1 & are holy impressions2 b !y are n a te/ to det]m9e :e!r ^! locutions come f a good or an evil _s4 ,x is !re=e be/ = u to proce$ always ) great caution2 = ^? p]sons :o h advanc$ 9 pray] only s f> z ?is may mo/ easily fall into delusions1 if !y h visions or revelations4 ,= myself1 ,i nev] _h a s+le vision or revelation till ,god _h l$ me on to ! pray] ( union1--unless x be on t occasion1 ( :i* ,i h spok5 be=e1 #aa n[ _m ye>s ago1 :5 ,i saw our ,"l4 ,oh1 t ,8 ,maje/y _h be5 pleas$ to let me !n und]/& t x 0 a true vision1 z ,i h s9ce und]/ood x 06 x w\ld h be5 no slight bless+ to me4 #ae4 ,aft] ^! locutions ( ! evil "o1 ! s\l is nev] g5tle1 b is1 z x 71 t]rifi$1 & greatly disgu/$4 #af4 ,i look ^u x z a mo/ c]ta9 tru?1 t ! devil w nev] deceive1 & t ,god w n suff] him to deceive1 ! s\l :i* has no confid5ce :atev] 9 itself2 :i* is /rong 9 fai?1 & resolv$ to und]go a ?\s& dea?s = any "o article ( ! cre$2 :i* 9 its love ( ! fai?1 infus$ ( ,god once = all1--a fai? liv+ & /rong1--always lab\rs1 seek+ = fur!r light on ?is side & on t1 to m\ld itself on ! tea*+ ( ! ,*ur*1 z "o already deeply gr\nd$ 9 ! tru?4 ,no imag9able revelations1 n ev5 if x saw ! heav5s op51 c\ld make t s\l sw]ve 9 any degree f ! doctr9e ( ! ,*ur*4 ,if1 h[ev]1 x %\ld at any "t f9d itself wav]+ ev5 9 ?\ght on ?is po9t1 or /opp+ to say to itself1 ,if ,god says ?is to me1 x may be true1 z well z :at ,he said to ! ,sa9ts--! s\l mu/ n be sure ( x4 ,i d n mean t x s believes1 only t ,satan has tak5 ! fir/ /ep t[>ds tempt+ x2 & ! giv+ way to ! fir/ movem5ts ( a ?\ght l ?is is evid5tly mo/ wrong4 ,i believe1 h[ev]1 t ^! fir/ movem5ts w n take place if ! s\l is s /rong 9 ! matt]--z t s\l is to :om our ,"l s5ds ^! graces--t x seems z if x c\ld cru% ! evil spirits 9 def5ce ( ! v lea/ ( ! tru?s :i* ! ,*ur* holds4 #ag4 ,if ! s\l does n disc]n ?is great /r5g? 9 itself1 & if ! p>ticul> devotion or vision help x n onw>ds1 !n x mu/ n look ^u x z safe4 ,= ?\gh at fir/ ! s\l is consci\s ( no h>m1 great h>m may by degrees ensue2 because1 s f> z ,i c see1 & by exp]i5ce und]/&1 t :i* purports to come f ,god is receiv$ only 9 s f> z x corresponds ) ! sacr$ writ+s2 b if x v>ies !refrom ev] s little1 ,i am incomp>ably m conv9c$ t x comes f ,satan ?an ,i am n[ conv9c$ x comes f ,god1 h[ev] deep t conviction may be4 ,9 ?is case1 !re is no ne$ to ask = signs1 nor f :at _s x proce$s1 because ?is v>y+ is s cle> a sign ( ! devil's pres5ce1 t if all ! _w 7 to assure me t x came f ,god1 ,i w\ld n believe x4 ,! fact is1 t all good seems to be lo/ out ( sight1 & to h fl$ f ! s\l1 :5 ! devil has spok5 to x2 ! s\l is ?r[n into a /ate ( disgu/1 & is tr\bl$1 able to d no good ?+ :atev]--= if x conceives good desires1 !y are n /rong2 its humility is fictiti\s1 di/urb$1 & )\t sweetness4 ,any "o :o has ev] ta/$ ( ! ,_s ( ,god w1 ,i ?9k1 und]/& x4 #ah4 ,nev]!less1 ,satan has _m devices2 & s !re is no?+ m c]ta9 ?an t x is saf] to be afraid1 & always on our gu>d1 "u a le>n$ director1 f :om no?+ is conceal$4 ,if we d ?is1 no h>m c befall u1 ?\gh mu* has befall5 me ?r\gh ! excessive fe>s :i* possess$ "s p4 ,= in/ance1 x happ5$ s once to me1 :5 _m p]sons 9 :om ,i _h great confid5ce1 & ) good reason1 _h assembl$ toge!r1--five or six 9 numb]1 ,i ?9k1--& all v great s]vants ( ,god4 ,x is true1 my relations 7 ) "o ( !m only2 b by 8 ord]s made my /ate kn[n to ! o!rs4 ,!y _h _m conf]5ces toge!r ab\t my necessities2 = !y _h great affection = me1 & 7 afraid ,i 0 "u a delusion4 ,i1 too1 0 v mu* afraid :5ev] ,i 0 n occupi$ 9 pray]2 b :5 ,i pray$1 & our ,"l be/[$ ,8 graces ^u me1 ,i 0 in/antly reassur$4 ,my confessor told me !y 7 all ( op9ion t ,i 0 deceiv$ by ,satan2 t ,i mu/ communicate less frequ5tly1 & contrive to di/ract myself 9 su* a way z to be less alone4 #ai4 ,i 0 9 great fe> myself1 z ,i h j said1 & my disease ( ! he>t #ab contribut$ !reto1 s t v (t5 ,i did n d>e to rema9 alone 9 my cell dur+ ! day4 ,:5 ,i f\nd s _m ma9ta9 ?is1 & myself unable to believe !m1 ,i _h at once a mo/ griev\s scruple2 = x seem$ to me t ,i _h v little humility1 especially z !y all l$ lives incomp>ably bett] ?an m9e3 !y 7 also le>n$ m54 ,:y %\ld ,i n believe !m8 ,i did all ,i c\ld to believe !m4 ,i reflect$ on my wick$ life1 & !re=e :at !y said to me mu/ be true4 #bj4 ,9 ?is di/ress1 ,i quitt$ ! *ur*1 #ac & ent]$ an oratory4 ,i _h n be5 to ,communion = _m days1 nor _h ,i be5 alone1 :i* 0 all my com=t4 ,i _h no "o to speak to1 = e "o 0 aga9/ me4 ,"s1 ,i ?\ght1 made a mock ( me :5 ,i spoke to !m ( my pray]1 z if ,i 7 a p]son "u delusions ( ! imag9ation2 o!rs w>n$ my confessor to be on 8 gu>d aga9/ me2 & "s said x 0 cle> ! :ole 0 an op]ation ( ,satan4 ,my confessor1 ?\gh he agre$ ) !m = ! sake ( try+ me1 z ,i und]/ood aft]w>ds1 always com=t$ me3 & he alone did s4 ,he told me t1 if ,i did n (f5d ,god1 my pray]1 ev5 if x 0 ! "w ( ,satan1 c\ld d me no h>m2 t ,i %\ld be deliv]$ f x4 ,he bade me pray mu* to ,god3 he himself1 & all 8 p5it5ts1 & _m o!rs did s e>ne/ly2 ,i1 too1 ) all my might1 & z _m z ,i knew to be s]vants ( ,god1 pray$ t ,8 ,maje/y w\ld be pleas$ to lead me by ano!r way4 ,?is la/$1 ,i ?9k1 ab\t two ye>s2 & ?is 0 ! subject ( my cont9ual pray] to our ,"l4 #ba4 ,b !re 0 no com=t = me :5 ,i ?\ght ( ! possibility t ,satan c\ld speak to me s (t54 ,n[ t ,i 0 nev] alone = pray]1 our ,"l made me recollect$ ev5 dur+ conv]sation3 ,he spoke :at ,he pleas$1--,i c\ld n avoid x2 &1 ?\gh x di/ress$ me1 ,i 0 =c$ to li/54 ,i 0 by myself1 hav+ no "o 9 :om ,i c\ld f9d any com=t2 unable to pray or read1 l a p]son /unn$ by heavy trials1 & by ! dread t ! evil "o _h delud$ me2 utt]ly disquiet$ & we>i$1 n kn[+ :at w\ld become ( me4 ,i h be5 occasionally--yea1 v (t5--9 di/ress1 b nev] be=e 9 di/ress s great4 ,i 0 9 ?is /ate = f\r or five h\rs2 !re 0 no com=t = me1 ei!r f heav5 or on e>?--only our ,"l left me to suff]1 afraid ( a ?\s& dang]s4 #bb4 ,o my ,"l1 h[ true a fri5d art ,?\6 h[ p[]ful6 ,?\ %[e/ ,?y p[] :5 ,?\ wilt2 & ,?\ do/ w x always1 if only we w x also4 ,let ! :ole creation praise ,!e1 ,o ,?\ ,"l ( ! _w6 ,oh1 t a voice might g =? ov] all ! e>?1 proclaim+ ,?y fai?fulness to ^? :o love ,!e6 ,all ?+s fail2 b ,?\1 ,"l ( all1 nev] faile/6 ,!y :o love ,!e1 oh1 h[ little !y h to suff]6 oh1 h[ g5tly1 h[ t5d]ly1 h[ sweetly ,?\1 ,o my ,"l1 deale/ ) !m6 ,oh1 t no "o _h ev] be5 occupi$ ) any o!r love ?an ,?9e6 ,x seems z if ,?\ did/ subject ^? :o love ,!e to a sev]e trial3 b x is 9 ord] t !y may le>n1 9 ! dep?s ( t trial1 ! dep?s ( ,?y love4 ,o my ,god1 oh1 t ,i _h und]/&+ & le>n+1 & a new language1 9 ord] to magnify ,?y works1 accord+ to ! k ( !m :i* my s\l possesses6 ,ev]y?+ fails me1 ,o my ,"l2 b if ,?\ wilt n ab&on me1 ,i w nev] fail ,!e4 ,let all ! le>n$ rise up aga9/ me1--let ! :ole creation p]secute me1--let ! evil spirits torm5t me1--b d ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 fail me n2 = ,i "k by exp]i5ce n[ ! bless$ness ( t deliv]ance :i* ,?\ do/ effect = ^? :o tru/ only 9 ,!e4 ,9 ?is di/ress1--= !n ,i _h nev] _h a s+le vision1--^! ,?y words alone 7 en\gh to remove x1 & give me p]fect peace3 ,be n afraid1 my daught]3 x is ,i2 & ,i w n ab&on !e4 ,fe> n4 #ad #bc4 ,x seems to me t1 9 ! /ate ,i 0 9 !n1 _m h\rs w\ld h be5 necess>y to calm me1 & t no "o c\ld h done x4 ,yet ,i f\nd myself1 ?r\gh ^! words alone1 tranquil & /rong1 c\rage\s & confid5t1 at re/ & enlight5$2 9 a mom5t1 my s\l seem$ *ang$1 & ,i felt ,i c\ld ma9ta9 aga9/ all ! _w t my pray] 0 ! "w ( ,god4 ,oh1 h[ good is ,god6 h[ good is our ,"l1 & h[ p[]ful6 ,he gives n c\nsel only1 b relief z well4 ,8 words are de$s4 ,o my ,god6 z ,he /r5g!ns our fai?1 love gr[s4 ,s x is1 9 tru?2 = ,i us$ frequ5tly to recollect h[ our ,"l1 :5 ! tempe/ arose1 comm&$ ! w9ds to be /ill ov] ! sea4 #ae ,s ,i said to myself3 ,:o is ,he1 t all my faculties %\ld ?us obey ,him8 ,:o is ,he1 t gives light 9 su* d>kness 9 a mom5t2 :o s(t5s a he>t t seem$ to be made ( /one2 :o gives ! wat]s ( sweet te>s1 :]e = a long "t great dryness seems to h prevail$2 :o inspires ^! desires2 :o be/[s ?is c\rage8 ,:at h ,i be5 ?9k+ (8 :at am ,i afraid (8 :at is x8 ,i desire to s]ve ?is my ,"l2 ,i aim at no?+ else b ,8 pleasure2 ,i seek no joy1 no re/1 no o!r good ?an t ( do+ ,8 w4 ,i 0 s confid5t t ,i _h no o!r desire1 t ,i c\ld safely ass]t x4 #bd4 ,see+1 !n1 t our ,"l is s p[]ful1--z ,i see & "k ,he is1--& t ! evil spirits are ,8 slaves1 ( :i* !re c be no d\bt1 because x is ( fai?1--& ,i a s]vant ( ?is our ,"l & ,k+1--:at h>m c ,satan d unto me8 ,:y h ,i n /r5g? en\gh to fight aga9/ all hell8 ,i took up ! cross 9 my h&1--,i 0 *ang$ 9 a mom5t into ano!r p]son1 & x seem$ z if ,god _h really giv5 me c\rage en\gh n to be afraid ( enc\nt]+ all ! evil spirits4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i c\ld1 ) ! cross1 easily defeat !m altoge!r4 ,s ,i cri$ out1 ,come on1 all ( y2 ,i am ! s]vant ( our ,"l3 ,i %\ld l to see :at y c d aga9/ me4 #be4 ,& c]ta9ly !y seem$ to be afraid ( me1 = ,i 0 left 9 peace3 ,i fe>$ !m s little1 t ! t]rors1 :i* until n[ oppress$ me1 quitt$ me altoge!r2 & ?\gh ,i saw !m occasionally1--,i %all speak ( ?is by & by1 #af--;,i 0 nev] aga9 afraid ( !m--on ! contr>y1 !y seem$ to be afraid ( me4 #ag ,i f\nd myself end[$ ) a c]ta9 au?ority ov] !m1 giv5 me by ! ,"l ( all1 s t ,i c>$ no m = !m ?an = flies4 ,!y seem to be su* c[>ds2 = _! /r5g? fails !m at ! sight ( any "o :o despises !m4 ,^! enemies h n ! c\rage to assail any b ^? :om !y see ready to give 9 to !m1 or :5 ,god p]mits !m to d s1 = ! great] good ( ,8 s]vants1 :om !y may try & torm5t4 #bf4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y t we fe> ,him :om we ought to fe>1 #ah & und]/& t "o v5ial s9 c d u m h>m ?an all hell toge!r2 = t is ! tru?4 ,! evil spirits keep u 9 t]ror1 because we expose ourselves to ! assaults ( t]ror by our atta*m5ts to hon\rs1 possessions1 & pleasures4 ,= !n ! evil spirits1 unit+ !mselves ) u1--we become our own enemies :5 we love & seek :at we ought to hate1--d u great h>m4 ,we ourselves put weapons into _! h&s1 t !y may assail u2 ^? v weapons ) :i* we %\ld def5d ourselves4 ,x is a great pity4 ,b if1 = ! love ( ,god1 we hat$ all ?is1 & embrac$ ! cross1 & set ab\t ,8 s]vice 9 e>ne/1 ,satan w\ld fly away be=e su* realities1 z f ! plague4 ,he is ! fri5d ( lies1 & a lie himself4 #ai ,he w h no?+ to d ) ^? :o walk 9 ! tru?4 ,:5 he sees ! und]/&+ ( any "o obscur$1 he simply helps to pluck out 8 eyes2 if he sees any "o already bl9d1 seek+ peace 9 vanities1--= all ! ?+s ( ?is _w are s utt]ly vanity1 t !y seem to be b ! play?+s ( a *ild1--he sees at once t su* a "o is a *ild2 he treats him z a *ild1 & v5tures to wre/le ) him--n once1 b (t54 #bg4 ,may x please our ,"l t ,i be n "o ( ^!2 & may ,8 ,maje/y give me grace to take t = peace :i* is really peace1 t = hon\r :i* is really hon\r1 & t = delight :i* is really a delight4 ,let me nev] mi/ake "o ?+ = ano!r--& !n ,i snap my f+]s at all ! devils1 = !y %all be afraid ( me4 ,i d n und]/& ^? t]rors :i* make u cry out1 ,satan1 ,satan6 :5 we may say1 ,god1 ,god6 & make ,satan tremble4 ,d we n "k t he _c /ir )\t ! p]mission ( ,god8 ,:at does x mean8 ,i am really mu* m afraid ( ^? p :o h s great a fe> ( ! devil1 ?an ,i am ( ! devil himself4 ,satan c d me no h>m :atev]1 b !y c tr\ble me v mu*1 p>ticul>ly if !y be confessors4 ,i h sp5t "s ye>s ( su* great anxiety1 t ev5 n[ ,i am amaz$ t ,i 0 able to be> x4 ,bless$ be our ,"l1 :o has s effectually help$ me6 #a4 ,philip4 a ,,ss4 ,tr9itate1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic4 p>4 #b1 tr4 iii4 disc4 iv4 art4 v43 ,tres sunt modi div9 locutionis2 completur enim div9a locutio vel v]bis successivis1 vel v]bis =malibus1 vel v]bis sub/antialibus4 ,completur v]bis successivis cum anima 9 semetipsa multum collecta quosdam discursus int]nos de ,deo vel de aliis div9a =mat directione2 hujusmodi quippe discursus1 quamvis ab ipsa sibi =mati1 a ,deo tam5 dirig5te proc$unt4 ,completur v]bis =malibus cum anima vel 9 se collecta1 vel aliis occupata1 p]cipit qudam v]ba =malit] ac di/9cte div9itus expressa1 ad quorum =mationem anima passive p5itus se habet4 ,completur v]bis sub/antialibus cum anima vel 9 se collecta1 vel etiam di/racta1 p]cipit qudam v]ba viva et efficacia1 div9itus ad se directa1 qu virtutem aut sub/antialem effectum p] ipsa significatum =tit] ac infallibilit] causant4 ,see also ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,asc5t ( ,m\nt ,c>mel1 b4 ii4 *4 xxviii4 & ! foll[+1 p4 #ahh4 #b4 ,f #aeee to #aeeg1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 advis$ by ,/4 ,francis de ,borja to make no fur!r resi/ance 7,b\ix74 #c4 ,see *4 xxvii4 #d4 #d4 #d4 #e4 #e4 #f4 ,! doctr9e "h laid d[n is n t ( ! second wat]1--*s4 xiv4 & xv41--b t ( ! ?ird1 *4 xvi4 ,! ,sa9t h]self speaks d\btfully2 & z %e _h b little "t = writ+1 %e c\ld n correct nor read aga9 :at %e _h writt5 7,de la ,fu5te74 #g4 #f4 #h4 #b4 #i4 ,*4 vii4 #ab4 #aj4 ,*4 xxviii4 #f1 *4 xxx4 #aj4 #aa4 ,*4 vii4 #aa4 #ab4 ,*4 iv4 #f1 *4 v4 #ad4 #ac4 ,x 0 ! *ur* ( ! ,jesuits 7,b\ix74 #ad4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #c1 #e4 #ae4 ,/4 ,matt4 viii4 #bf2 ,imp]avit v5tis et m>i1 et facta e/ tranquillitas magna4 #af4 ,*4 xxxi4 #b4 #ag4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,spiritual ,canticle1 /4 #bd1 p4 #abh1 ,eng4 trans4 #ah4 ,/4 ,matt4 x4 #bf1 #bh2 ,ne ergo timu]itis eos1 4 4 4 s$ potius timete ,eum4 #ai4 ,/4 ,john viii4 #dd3 ,m5dax e/1 et pat] ejus4 ,*apt] ,,xxvi4 ,h[ ! ,fe>s ( ! ,sa9t ,vani%$4 ,h[ ,%e ,0 ,assur$ ,t ,h] ,pray] ,0 ! ,"w ( ! ,holy ,_s4 #a4 ,i look ^u ! c\rage :i* our ,"l has implant$ 9 me aga9/ evil spirits z "o ( ! greate/ m]cies :i* ,he has be/[$ ^u me2 = a c[>dly s\l1 afraid ( any?+ b s9 aga9/ ,god1 is a v unseemly ?+1 :5 we h on our side ! ,k+ omnipot5t1 our ,"l mo/ high1 :o c d all ?+s1 & subjects all ?+s to ,himself4 ,!re is no?+ to be afraid ( if we walk1 z ,i said be=e1 #a 9 ! tru?1 9 ! sight ( ,8 ,maje/y1 ) a pure consci5ce4 ,& = ?is end1 z ,i said 9 ! same place1 ,i w\ld h myself all fe>s1 t ,i may n = "o in/ant (f5d ,him :o 9 t in/ant is able to de/roy u4 ,if ,8 ,maje/y is pleas$ ) u1 :oev] resi/s u--be he :o he may--w be utt]ly disappo9t$4 #b4 ,x may be s1 y w say2 b1 !n1 :]e is t s\l s j z to please ,him 9 ev]y?+8--& t is ! reason :y we are afraid4 ,c]ta9ly x is n my s\l1 :i* is mo/ wret*$1 unpr(itable1 & full ( mis]y4 ,god is n l man 9 ,8 ways2 ,he kn[s our weakness4 ,b ! s\l p]ceives1 by ! help ( c]ta9 great signs1 :e!r x loves ,god ( a tru?2 = ! love ( ^? s\ls :o h come to ?is /ate is n hidd5 z x 0 at fir/1 b is full ( high impulses1 & ( long+s = ! vision ( ,god1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]--or r1 z ,i h %[n already4 #b ,ev]y?+ we>ies1 ev]y?+ di/resses1 ev]y?+ torm5ts ! s\l1 unless x be suff]$ ) ,god1 or = ,god4 ,!re is no re/ :i* is n a we>9ess1 because ! s\l kn[s itself to be away f its true re/2 & s love is made mo/ manife/1 &1 z ,i h j said1 impossible to hide4 #c4 ,x happ5$ to me1 on ano!r occasion to be griev\sly tri$1 & mu* spok5 aga9/ on acc\nt ( a c]ta9 affair1--( :i* ,i w speak h]eaft]1 #c--;by almo/ ev]ybody 9 ! place :]e ,i am liv+1 & by ! memb]s ( my ,ord]4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 ?is di/ress1 & afflict$ by _m occasions ( disquiet :]e9 ,i 0 plac$1 our ,"l spoke to me1 say+3 ,:at art ?\ afraid (8 kn[e/ ?\ n t ,i am almighty8 ,i w d :at ,i h promis$ !e4 ,& s1 aft]w>ds1 0 x done4 ,i f\nd myself at once s /rong1 t ,i c\ld h und]tak5 any?+1 s x seem$1 imm$iately1 ev5 if ,i _h to endure great] trials = ,8 s]vice1 & _h to ent] on a new /ate ( suff]+4 ,^! locutions are s frequ5t1 t ,i _c c\nt !m2 _m ( !m are reproa*es1 & ,he s5ds !m :5 ,i fall into imp]fections4 ,!y are en\gh to de/roy a s\l4 ,!y correct me1 h[ev]2 = ,8 ,maje/y--z ,i said be=e #d--;gives bo? c\nsel & relief4 ,!re are o!rs :i* br+ my =m] s9s into remembrance1--p>ticul>ly :5 ,he is ab\t to be/[ ^u me "s special grace1--9 su* a way t ! s\l beholds itself z be+ really judg$2 = ^? reproa*es ( ,god put ! tru? be=e x s di/9ctly1 t x kn[s n :at to d ) itself4 ,"s are w>n+s aga9/ c]ta9 dang]s to myself or o!rs2 _m ( !m are prophecies ( future ?+s1 ?ree or f\r ye>s be=eh&2 & all ( !m h be5 fulfill$3 "s ( !m ,i c\ld m5tion4 ,"h1 !n1 are s _m reasons = believ+ t !y come f ,god1 z make x impossible1 ,i believe1 = anybody to mi/ake !m4 #d4 ,! safe/ c\rse 9 ^! ?+s is to decl>e1 )\t fail1 ! :ole /ate ( ! s\l1 toge!r ) ! graces our ,"l gives me1 to a confessor :o is le>n$1 & obey him4 ,i d s2 & if ,i did n1 ,i %\ld h no peace4 ,nor is x "r t we wom51 :o are unle>n$1 %\ld h any3 !re c be no dang] 9 ?is1 b r great pr(it4 ,?is is :at our ,"l has (t5 comm&$ me to d1 & x is :at ,i h (t5 done4 ,i _h a confessor #e :o mortifi$ me greatly1 & n[ & !n di/ress$ me3 he tri$ me heavily1 = he disquiet$ me exce$+ly2 & yet he 0 ! "o :o1 ,i believe1 did me ! mo/ good4 ,?\gh ,i _h a great affection = him1 ,i 0 occasionally tempt$ to leave him2 ,i ?\ght t ! pa9 he inflict$ on me di/urb$ my pray]4 ,:5ev] ,i 0 resolv$ on leav+ him1 ,i us$ to feel in/antly t ,i ought n to d s2 & "o reproa* ( our ,"l w\ld press m heavily ^u me ?an all t my confessor did4 ,n[ & !n1 ,i 0 worn out--torture on ! "o h&1 reproa*es on ! o!r4 ,i requir$ x all1 = my w 0 b little subdu$4 ,our ,"l said to me once1 t !re 0 no ob$i5ce :]e !re 0 no resolution to suff]2 t ,i 0 to ?9k ( ,8 suff]+s1 & !n ev]y?+ w\ld be easy4 #e4 ,"o ( my confessors1 to :om ,i w5t 9 ! beg9n+1 advis$ me once1 n[ t my spiritual /ate 0 kn[n to be ! "w ( ,god1 to keep sil5ce1 & n speak ( ^! ?+s to any "o1 on ! gr\nd t x 0 saf] to keep ^! graces secret4 ,to me1 ! advice seem$ good1 because ,i felt x s mu* :5ev] ,i _h to speak ( !m to my confessor2 #f ,i 0 also s a%am$ ( myself1 t ,i felt x m ke5ly at times to speak ( !m ?an ,i %\ld h done 9 confess+ grave s9s1 p>ticul>ly :5 ! graces ,i _h to reveal 7 great4 ,i ?\ght !y did n believe me1 & t !y 7 laugh+ at me4 ,i felt x s mu*1--= ,i look on ?is z an irrev]5t treatm5t ( ! m>vels ( ,god1--t ,i 0 glad to be sil5t4 ,i le>n$ !n t ,i _h be5 ill-advis$ by t confessor1 because ,i ought nev] to hide any?+ f my confessor2 = ,i %\ld f9d great security if ,i told ev]y?+2 & if ,i did o!rwise1 ,i might at any "t fall into delusions4 #g #f4 ,:5ev] our ,"l comm&$ me to d "o ?+ 9 pray]1 & if my confessor =bade x1 our ,"l ,himself told me to obey my confessor4 ,8 ,maje/y aft]w>ds w\ld *ange ! m9d ( t confessor1 s t he w\ld h me d :at he _h =bidd5 be=e4 ,:5 we 7 depriv$ ( _m books writt5 9 ,spani%1 & =bidd5 to read !m1--,i felt x deeply1 = "s ( ^! books 7 a great com=t to me1 & ,i c\ld n read !m 9 ,lat91--our ,"l said to me1 ,be n tr\bl$2 ,i w give !e a liv+ book4 ,i c\ld n und]/& :y ?is 0 said to me1 = at t "t ,i _h nev] _h a vision4 #h ,b1 a v few days aft]w>ds1 ,i und]/ood x well en\gh2 = ,i _h s mu* to ?9k (1 & su* reasons = self-recollection 9 :at ,i saw be=e me & our ,"l dealt s lov+ly ) me1 9 tea*+ me 9 s _m ways1 t ,i _h little or no ne$ :atev] ( books4 ,8 ,maje/y has be5 to me a v]itable ,book1 9 :i* ,i saw all tru?4 ,bless$ be su* a ,book1 :i* leaves beh9d an impression ( :at is read !re91 & 9 su* a way t x _c be =gott56 #g4 ,:o c look ^u our ,"l1 cov]$ ) w\nds1 & b[$ d[n "u p]secutions1 )\t accept+1 lov+1 & long+ = !m8 ,:o c behold b a "p ( t glory :i* ,he w give to ^? :o s]ve ,him )\t confess+ t all he may d1 & all he may suff]1 are altoge!r z no?+1 :5 we may hope = su* a rew>d8 ,:o c look at ! torm5ts ( lo/ s\ls )\t ackn[l$g+ ! torm5ts ( ?is life to be joy\s delights 9 comp>ison1 & confess+ h[ mu* !y owe to our ,"l 9 hav+ sav$ !m s (t5 f ! place ( torm5ts8 #i ,b z1 by ! help ( ,god1 ,i %all speak m at l>ge ( c]ta9 ?+s1 ,i wi% n[ to g on ) ! /ory ( my life4 ,our ,"l grant t ,i h be5 cle> en\gh 9 :at ,i h hi!rto said6 ,i feel assur$ t he w und]/& me :o has _h exp]i5ce h]e91 & t he w see ,i h p>tially succe$$2 b z to him :o has _h no su* exp]i5ce1 ,i %\ld n be surpris$ if he reg>d$ x all z folly4 ,x is en\gh = him t x is ,i :o say x1 9 ord] to be free f blame2 nei!r w ,i blame any "o :o %all s speak ( x4 ,our ,"l grant t ,i may nev] fail to d ,8 w6 ,am54 #a4 ,*4 xxv4 #bf4 #b4 ,*4 xv4 #f4 #c4 ,*4 xxxiii42 ! f\ndation ( ! h\se ( ,/4 ,joseph4 #d4 ,*4 xxv4 #bc4 #e4 ,! ,boll&i/s1 n4 #ahe1 attribute "s ( ! sev]ity ) :i* h] confessor treat$ ! ,sa9t to ! _s ( desolation ) :i* he 0 !n tri$ himself2 &1 9 pro( ( x1 ref] to ! acc\nt :i* ,f4 ,baltas> ,alv>ez gave ( 8 own pray] to ! ,g5]al ( ! ,society4 #f4 ,see ,relation1 vii4 #g4 #g4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 #bb1 #ad4 #h4 ,! visions ( ! ,sa9t began 9 #aeeh 7,de la ,fu5te7 or1 accord+ to ,fa!r ,b\ix1 9 #aeei4 #i4 ,/4 ,luke xvi4 #bh3 ,ne et ipsi v5iant 9 hunc locum torm5torum4 ,*apt] ,,xxvii4 ,! ,sa9t ,prays to ,be ,direct$ by a ,diff]5t ,way4 ,intellectual ,visions4 #a4 ,i n[ resume ! /ory ( my life4 ,i 0 9 great pa9 & di/ress2 & _m pray]s1 z ,i said1 #a 7 made on my behalf1 t our ,"l w\ld lead me by ano!r & a saf] way2 = ?is1 !y told me1 0 s suspici\s4 ,! tru? is1 t ?\gh ,i 0 pray+ to ,god = ?is1 & wi%$ ,i _h a desire = ano!r way1 yet1 :5 ,i saw ! progress ,i 0 mak+1 ,i 0 unable really to desire a *ange1--?\gh ,i always pray$ = x1--except+ on ^? occasions :5 ,i 0 extremely ca/ d[n by :at p said to me1 & by ! fe>s ) :i* !y fill$ me4 #b4 ,i felt t ,i 0 :olly *ang$2 ,i c\ld d no?+ b put myself 9 ! h&s ( ,god3 ,he knew :at 0 exp$i5t = me2 let ,him d ) me accord+ to ,8 w 9 all ?+s4 ,i saw t by ?is way ,i 0 direct$ heav5w>ds1 & t =m]ly ,i 0 go+ d[n to hell4 ,i c\ld n =ce myself to desire a *ange1 nor believe t ,i 0 "u ! influ5ce ( ,satan4 ,?\gh ,i 0 do+ all ,i c\ld to believe ! "o & to desire ! o!r1 x 0 n 9 my p[] to d s4 ,i (f]$ up all my actions1 if !re %\ld be any good 9 !m1 = ?is end2 ,i _h rec\rse to ! ,sa9ts = :om ,i _h a devotion1 t !y might deliv] me f ! evil "o2 ,i made nov5as2 ,i comm5d$ myself to ,/4 ,hil>ion1 to ! ,angel ,/4 ,mi*ael1 to :om ,i _h rec5tly become dev\t1 = ?is purpose2 & _m o!r ,sa9ts ,i importun$1 t our ,"l might %[ me ! way1--,i mean1 t !y might obta9 ?is = me f ,8 ,maje/y4 #c4 ,at ! end ( two ye>s sp5t 9 pray] by myself & o!rs = ?is end1 namely1 t our ,"l w\ld ei!r lead me by ano!r way1 or %[ ! tru? ( ?is1--= n[ ! locutions ( our ,"l 7 extremely frequ5t1--?is happ5$ to me4 ,i 0 9 pray] "o day1--x 0 ! fea/ ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,pet]1 #b--:5 ,i saw ,*ri/ close by me1 or1 to speak m correctly1 felt ,him2 = ,i saw no?+ ) ! eyes ( ! body1 no?+ ) ! eyes ( ! s\l4 ,he seem$ to me to be close beside me2 & ,i saw1 too1 z ,i believe1 t x 0 ,he :o 0 speak+ to me4 ,z ,i 0 utt]ly ignorant t su* a vision 0 possible1 #c ,i 0 extremely afraid at fir/1 & did no?+ b weep2 h[ev]1 :5 ,he spoke to me b "o ^w to reassure me1 ,i recov]$ myself1 & 01 z usual1 calm & com=t$1 )\t any fe> :atev]4 ,jesus ,*ri/ seem$ to be by my side cont9ually1 &1 z ! vision 0 n imag9>y1 ,i saw no =m2 b ,i _h a mo/ di/9ct feel+ t ,he 0 always on my "r h&1 a witness ( all ,i did2 & nev] at any "t1 if ,i 0 b slightly recollect$1 or n too mu* di/ract$1 c\ld ,i be ignorant ( ,8 ne> pres5ce4 #d #d4 ,i w5t at once to my confessor1 #e 9 great di/ress1 to tell him ( x4 ,he ask$ 9 :at =m ,i saw our ,"l4 ,i told him ,i saw no =m4 ,he !n said3 ,h[ did y "k t x 0 ,*ri/8 ,i repli$1 t ,i did n "k h[ ,i knew x2 b ,i c\ld n help kn[+ t ,he 0 close beside me1--t ,i saw ,him di/9ctly1 & felt ,8 pres5ce1--t ! recollect$ness ( my s\l 0 deep] 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 & m cont9u\s1--t ! effects !re( 7 v diff]5t f :at ,i _h hi!rto exp]i5c$1--& t x 0 mo/ c]ta94 ,i c\ld only make comp>isons 9 ord] to expla9 myself2 & c]ta9ly !re are no comp>isons1 9 my op9ion1 by :i* visions ( ?is k9d c be describ$4 ,aft]w>ds ,i le>nt f ,fri> ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 a holy man ( great spirituality1--( :om ,i %all speak by & by1 #f--;& f o!rs ( great le>n+1 t ?is vision 0 ( ! highe/ ord]1 & "o ) :i* ,satan c lea/ int]f]e2 & !re=e !re are no words :]eby to expla91--at lea/1 none = u wom51 :o "k s little3 le>n$ m5 c expla9 x bett]4 #e4 ,= if ,i say t ,i see ,him nei!r ) ! eyes ( ! body1 nor ) ^? ( ! s\l1--because x 0 n an imag9>y vision1--h[ is x t ,i c und]/& & ma9ta9 t ,he /&s beside me1 & be m c]ta9 ( x ?an if ,i saw ,him8 ,if x be suppos$ t x is z if a p]son 7 bl9d1 or 9 ! d>k1 & !re=e unable to see ano!r :o is close to him1 ! comp>ison is n exact4 ,!re is a c]ta9 likelihood ab\t x1 h[ev]1 b n mu*1 because ! o!r s5ses tell him :o is bl9d ( t pres5ce3 he he>s ! o!r speak or move1 or he t\*es him2 b 9 ^! visions !re is no?+ l ?is4 ,! d>kness is n felt2 only ,he r5d]s ,himself pres5t to ! s\l by a c]ta9 k ( ,himself :i* is m cle> ?an ! sun4 #g ,i d n mean t we n[ see ei!r a sun or any brightness1 only t !re is a light n se51 :i* illum9es ! und]/&+ s t ! s\l may h ! fruition ( s great a good4 ,?is vision br+s ) x great bless+s4 #f4 ,x is n l t pres5ce ( ,god :i* is frequ5tly felt1 p>ticul>ly by ^? :o h atta9$ to ! pray] ( union & ( quiet1 :5 we seem1 at ! v comm5cem5t ( our pray]1 to f9d ,him ) :om we w\ld conv]se1 & :5 we seem to feel t ,he he>s u by ! effects & ! spiritual impressions ( great love & fai? ( :i* we are !n consci\s1 z well z by ! good resolutions1 accompani$ by sweetness1 :i* we !n make4 ,?is is a great grace f ,god2 & let him to :om ,he has giv5 x e/eem x mu*1 because x is a v high degree ( pray]2 b x is n vision4 ,god is und]/ood to be pres5t !re by ! effects ,he works 9 ! s\l3 t is ! way ,8 ,maje/y makes ,8 pres5ce felt2 b "h1 9 ?is vision1 x is se5 cle>ly t ,jesus ,*ri/ is pres5t1 ! ,son ( ! ,virg94 ,9 ! pray] ( union & ( quiet1 c]ta9 infl[+s ( ! ,godhead are pres5t2 b 9 ! vision1 ! ,sacr$ ,humanity also1 toge!r ) !m1 is pleas$ to be our visible companion1 & to d u good4 #g4 ,my confessor next ask$ me1 :o told me x 0 ,jesus ,*ri/4 #h ,i repli$ t ,he (t5 told me s ,himself2 b1 ev5 be=e ,he told me s1 !re 0 an impression on my und]/&+ t x 0 ,he2 & be=e ?is ,he us$ to tell me s1 & ,i saw ,him n4 ,if a p]son :om ,i _h nev] se51 b ( :om ,i _h he>d1 came to speak to me1 & ,i 7 bl9d or 9 ! d>k1 & told me :o he 01 ,i %\ld believe him2 b ,i c\ld n s confid5tly affirm t he 0 t p]son1 z ,i might d if ,i _h se5 him4 ,b 9 ?is vision ,i c\ld d s1 because s cle> a k is impress$ on ! s\l t all d\bt seems impossible1 ?\gh ,he is n se54 ,our ,"l wills t ?is k be s grav5 on ! und]/&+1 t we c no m "q ,8 pres5ce ?an we c "q t :i* we see ) our eyes3 n s mu* ev52 = v (t5 !re arises a suspicion t we h imag9$ ?+s we ?9k we see2 b "h1 ?\gh !re may be a suspicion 9 ! fir/ in/ant1 !re rema9s a c]ta9ty s great1 t ! d\bt has no =ce :atev]4 ,s also is x :5 ,god tea*es ! s\l 9 ano!r way1 & speaks to x )\t speak+1 9 ! way ,i h describ$4 #h4 ,!re is s mu* ( heav5 9 ?is language1 t x _c well be und]/ood on e>?1 ?\gh we may desire ev] s mu* to expla9 x1 if our ,"l w n tea* x exp]im5tally4 ,our ,"l impresses 9 ! inn]mo/ s\l t :i* ,he wills t s\l to und]/&2 & ,he manife/s x !re )\t images or =mal words1 aft] ! mann] ( ! vision ,i am speak+ (4 ,consid] well ?is way 9 :i* ,god works1 9 ord] t ! s\l may und]/& :at ,he means--,8 great tru?s & my/]ies2 = v (t5 :at ,i und]/&1 :5 our ,"l expla9s to me ! vision1 :i* x is ,8 ,maje/y's pleasure to set be=e me1 is aft] ?is mann]2 & x seems to me t ?is is a /ate ) :i* ! devil c lea/ int]f]e1 = ^! reasons2 b if ^! reasons are n good1 ,i mu/ be "u a delusion4 ,! vision & ! language are matt]s ( su* pure spirituality1 t !re is no toil ( ! faculties1 or ( ! s5ses1 out ( :i*--s seems to me--! devil c d]ive any advantage4 #i4 ,x is only at int]vals1 & = an in/ant1 t ?is occurs2 = g5]ally--s ,i ?9k--! s5ses are n tak5 away1 & ! faculties are n susp5d$3 !y pres]ve _! ord9>y /ate4 ,x is n always s 9 contemplation2 on ! contr>y1 x is v r>ely s2 b :5 x is s1 ,i say t we d no?+ :atev] ourselves3 no "w ( ours is !n possible2 all t is done is app>5tly ! "w ( our ,"l4 ,x is z if food _h be5 receiv$ into ! /oma* :i* _h n fir/ be5 eat51 & )\t our kn[+ h[ x ent]$2 b we d "k well t x is !re1 ?\gh we "k n its nature1 nor :o x 0 t plac$ x !re4 ,9 ?is vision1 ,i "k :o plac$ x2 b ,i d n "k h[ ,he did x4 ,i nei!r saw x1 nor felt x2 ,i nev] _h any incl9ation to desire x1 & ,i nev] knew be=e t su* a ?+ 0 possible4 #aj4 ,9 ! locutions ( :i* ,i spoke be=e1 #i ,god makes ! und]/&+ att5tive1 ?\gh x may be pa9ful to und]/& :at is said2 !n ! s\l seems to h o!r e>s :]e) x he>s2 & ,he =ces x to li/51 & w n let x be di/ract$4 ,! s\l is l a p]son ^: he>+ 0 good1 & :o is n suff]$ to /op 8 e>s1 :ile p /&+ close beside him speak to him ) a l\d voice4 ,he may be unwill+ to he>1 yet he> he mu/4 ,su* a p]son contributes some?+ ( 8 own2 = he att5ds to :at is said to him2 b "h !re is no?+ ( ! k9d3 ev5 t little1 :i* is no?+ m ?an ! b>e act ( li/5+1 :i* is grant$ to x 9 ! o!r case1 is n[ out ( its p[]4 ,x f9ds its food prep>$ & eat52 x has no?+ m to d b to enjoy x4 ,x is z if "o )\t ev] le>n+1 )\t tak+ ! pa9s ev5 to le>n to read1 & )\t /udy+ any subject :atev]1 %\ld f9d himself 9 possession ( all k1 n kn[+ h[ or :5ce x came to him1 see+ t he _h nev] tak5 ! tr\ble ev5 to le>n ! alphabet4 ,?is la/ comp>ison seems to me to ?r[ "s light on ?is heav5ly gift2 = ! s\l f9ds itself le>n$ 9 a mom5t1 & ! my/]y ( ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity s cle>ly reveal$ to x1 toge!r ) o!r mo/ deep doctr9es1 t !re is no !ologian 9 ! _w ) :om x w\ld hesitate to dispute = ! tru? ( ^! matt]s4 #aa4 ,x is impossible to describe ! surprise ( ! s\l :5 x f9ds t "o ( ^! graces is en\gh to *ange x utt]ly1 & make x love no?+ b ,him :o1 )\t wait+ = any?+ itself might d1 r5d]s x fit = bless+s s high1 communicates to x ,8 secrets1 & treats x ) s mu* affection & love4 ,"s ( ! graces ,he be/[s are liable to suspicion because !y are s m>vell\s1 & giv5 to "o :o has des]v$ !m s little--incr$ible1 too1 )\t a mo/ lively fai?4 ,i int5d1 !re=e1 to m5tion v few ( ^? graces :i* our ,"l has wr\ght 9 me1 if ,i %\ld n be ord]$ o!rwise2 b !re are c]ta9 visions ( :i* ,i %all speak1 an acc\nt ( :i* may be ( "s s]vice4 ,9 do+ s1 ,i %all ei!r dispel 8 fe>s to :om our ,"l s5ds !m1 & :o1 z ,i us$ to d1 ?9ks !m impossible1 or ,i %all expla9 ! way or ! road by :i* our ,"l has l$ me2 & t is :at ,i h be5 comm&$ to describe4 #ab4 ,n[1 go+ back to speak ( ?is way ( und]/&+1 :at x is seems to me to be ?is3 x is our ,"l's w 9 e way t ! s\l %\ld h "s k ( :at passes 9 heav52 & ,i ?9k t1 z ! bless$ !re )\t spee* und]/& "o ano!r1--,i nev] knew ?is = c]ta9 till our ,"l ( ,8 goodness made me see x2 ,he %[$ x to me 9 a trance1--s is x "h3 ,god & ! s\l und]/& "o ano!r1 m]ely because ,8 ,maje/y s wills x1 )\t ! help ( o!r means1 to express ! love !re is betwe5 !m bo?4 ,9 ! same way on e>?1 two p]sons ( s\nd s5se1 if !y love ea* o!r mu*1 c ev51 )\t any signs1 und]/& "o ano!r only by _! looks4 ,x mu/ be s "h1 ?\gh we d n see h[1 z ^! two lov]s e>ne/ly reg>d ea* ! o!r3 ! bridegroom says s to ! bride 9 ! ,canticle1 s ,i believe1 & ,i h he>d t x is spok5 ( !re4 #aj #ac4 ,oh1 m>vell\s goodness ( ,god1 9 t ,?\ p]mitte/ eyes :i* h look$ ^u s mu* evil z ^? ( my s\l to look ^u ,!e6 ,may !y nev] accu/om !mselves1 aft] look+ on ,!e1 to look ^u vile ?+s aga96 & may !y h pleasure 9 no?+ b 9 ,!e1 ,o ,"l6 ,oh1 +ratitude ( m51 h[ f> w x g6 ,i "k by exp]i5ce t :at ,i am say+ is true1 & t all we c say is exce$+ly little1 :5 we consid] :at ,?\ doe/ to ! s\l :i* ,?\ ha/ l$ to su* a /ate z ?is4 ,o s\ls1 y :o h begun to pray1 & y :o possess ! true fai?1 :at c y be 9 se>* ( ev5 9 ?is life1 let alone t :i* is = ev]1 t is comp>able to ! lea/ ( ^! graces8 ,consid]1 & x is true1 t ,god gives ,himself to ^? :o give up ev]y?+ = ,him4 ,god is n an accept] ( p]sons4 #aa ,he loves all2 !re is no excuse = any "o1 h[ev] wick$ he may be1 see+ t ,he ha? ?us dealt ) me1 rais+ me to ! /ate ,i am 94 ,consid]1 t :at ,i am say+ is n ev5 an iota ( :at may be said2 ,i say only t :i* is necess>y to %[ ! k9d ( ! vision & ( ! grace :i* ,god be/[s on ! s\l2 = t _c be told :i* x feels :5 our ,"l admits x to ! und]/&+ ( ,8 secrets & ( ,8 mighty works4 ,! joy ( ?is is s f> above all conceivable joys1 t x may well make u loa! all ! joys ( e>?2 = !y are all b dross2 & x is an odi\s ?+ to make !m ent] into ! comp>ison1 ev5 if we might h !m = ev]4 ,^? :i* our ,"l gives1 :at are !y8 ,"o drop only ( ! wat]s ( ! ov]fl[+ riv] :i* ,he is res]v+ = u4 #ad4 ,x is a %ame6 ,&1 9 tru?1 ,i am a%am$ ( myself2 if %ame c\ld h a place 9 heav51 ,i %\ld c]ta9ly be ! mo/ a%am$ !re4 ,:y d we seek bless+s & joys s great1 bliss )\t end1 & all at ! co/ ( our good ,jesus8 ,%all we n at lea/ weep ) ! daught]s ( ,j]usalem1 #ab if we d n help to c>ry 8 cross ) ! ,cyr5ean8 #ac ,is x by pleasure & idle amusem5ts t we c atta9 to ! fruition ( :at ,he pur*as$ ) s mu* blood8 ,x is impossible4 ,c we ?9k t we c1 by pres]v+ our hon\r1 :i* is vanity1 recomp5se ,him = ! suff]+s ,he endur$1 t we might reign ) ,him = ev]8 ,?is is n ! way2 we are go+ by ! wrong road utt]ly1 & we %all nev] arrive !re4 ,y1 my fa!r1 mu/ lift up y\r voice1 & utt] ^! tru?s al\d1 see+ t ,god has tak5 f me ! p[] ( do+ x4 ,i %\ld l to utt] !m to myself = ev]4 ,i li/5$ to !m myself1 & came to ! k ( ,god s late1 z w appe> by :at ,i h writt51 t ,i am a%am$ ( myself :5 ,i speak ( ?is2 & s ,i %\ld l to be sil5t4 #ae4 ,( "o ?+1 h[ev]1 ,i w speak1 & ,i ?9k ( x n[ & !n1--may x be ! good pleasure ( our ,"l to br+ me on1 s t ,i may h ! fruition ( x6--:at w be ! accid5tal glory & ! joy ( ! bless$ :o h ent]$ on x1 :5 !y see t1 ?\gh !y 7 late1 yet !y left no?+ undone :i* x 0 possible = !m to d = ,god1 :o kept no?+ back !y c\ld give ,him1 & :o gave :at !y gave 9 e way !y c\ld1 accord+ to _! /r5g? & _! measure1--!y :o _h m gave m4 ,h[ ri* w he be :o gave up all 8 ri*es = ,*ri/6 ,h[ hon\rable w he be :o1 = ,8 sake1 s\ght no hon\rs :atev]1 b r took pleasure 9 see+ himself abas$6 ,h[ wise he w be :o rejoic$ :5 m5 acc\nt$ him z mad6--!y did s ( ,wisdom ,itself6 #ad ,h[ few !re are ( ?is k9d n[1 because ( our s9s6 ,n[1 inde$1 !y are all gone :om p reg>d$ z mad1 #ae because !y saw !m p]=m h]oic acts1 z true lov]s ( ,*ri/4 #af4 ,o _w1 _w6 h[ ?\ art ga9+ cr$it because !y are few :o "k !e6 ,b d we suppose t ,god is bett] pleas$ :5 m5 acc\nt u wise & discreet p]sons8 ,we ?9k =?) t !re is b little edification giv5 :5 p d n g ab\t1 e "o 9 8 degree1 ) great gravity1 9 a dignifi$ way4 ,ev5 9 ! fri>1 ! ecclesia/ic1 & ! nun1 if !y we> old & pat*$ g>m5ts1 we ?9k x a novelty1 & a sc&al to ! weak2 & ev5 if !y are v recollect$ & giv5 to pray]4 ,su* is ! /ate ( ! _w1 & s =gott5 are matt]s ( p]fection1 & ^? gr& impetuosities ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,m mis*ief1 ,i ?9k1 is done 9 ?is way1 ?an by any sc&al t might arise if ! religi\s %[$ 9 _! actions1 z !y proclaim x 9 words1 t ! _w is to be held 9 contempt4 ,out ( sc&als su* z ?is1 our ,"l obta9s great fruit4 ,if "s p took sc&al1 o!rs are fill$ ) remorse3 anyh[1 we %\ld h be=e u "s lik5ess ( t :i* our ,"l & ,8 ,apo/les endur$2 = we h ne$ ( x n[ m ?an ev]4 #ag4 ,& :at an excell5t lik5ess 9 ! p]son ( t bless$ fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 ,god has j tak5 f u6 #af ,! _w _c be> su* p]fection n[2 x is said t m5's heal? is gr[n feebl]1 & t we are n n[ 9 ^? =m] times4 ,b ?is holy man liv$ 9 our day2 he _h a _s /rong z ^? ( ano!r age1 & s he trampl$ on ! _w4 ,if m5 d n g ab\t b>efoot$1 nor und]go %>p p5ances1 z he did1 !re are _m ways1 z ,i h said be=e1 #ag ( trampl+ on ! _w2 & our ,"l tea*es !m :5 ,he f9ds ! necess>y c\rage4 ,h[ great 0 ! c\rage ) :i* ,8 ,maje/y fill$ ! ,sa9t ,i am speak+ (6 ,he did p5ance--oh1 h[ %>p x 06--= sev5-&-=ty ye>s1 z all m5 "k4 ,i %\ld l to speak ( x1 = ,i "k x to be all true4 #ah4 ,he spoke ( x to me & to ano!r p]son1 f :om he kept few or no secrets4 ,z = me1 x 0 ! affection he bore me t l$ him to speak2 = x 0 our ,"l's w t he %\ld und]take my def5ce1 & enc\rage me1 at a "t :5 ,i 0 9 great /raits1 z ,i said be=e1 & %all speak ( aga94 #ah ,he told me1 ,i ?9k1 t = =ty ye>s he slept b an h\r & a half out ( ! tw5ty-f\r1 & t ! mo/ labori\s p5ance he und]w5t1 :5 he began1 0 ?is ( ov]com+ sleep4 ,= t purpose1 he 0 always ei!r kneel+ or /&+4 ,:5 he slept1 he sat d[n1 8 head re/+ aga9/ a piece ( wood driv5 into ! wall4 ,lie d[n he c\ld n1 if he wi%$ x2 = 8 cell1 z e "o kn[s1 0 only f\r feet & a half 9 l5g?4 ,9 all ^! ye>s1 he nev] cov]$ 8 head ) 8 hood1 ev5 :5 ! sun 0 hotte/1 or ! ra9 heavie/4 ,he nev] cov]$ 8 feet3 ! only g>m5t he wore 0 made ( sackclo?1 & t 0 z tight z x c\ld be1 ) no?+ betwe5 x & 8 fle%2 ov] ?is1 he wore a cloak ( ! same /uff4 ,he told me t1 9 ! sev]e cold1 he us$ to take (f 8 cloak1 & op5 ! door & ! w9d[ ( 8 cell1 9 ord] t :5 he put 8 cloak on aga91 aft] %utt+ ! door & ! w9d[1 he might give "s satisfaction to 8 body 9 ! pleasure x might h 9 ! increas$ w>m?4 ,8 ord9>y practice 0 to eat b once 9 ?ree days4 ,he said to me1 ,:y are y a/oni%$ at x8 x is v possible = any "o :o is us$ to x4 ,"o ( 8 companions told me t he w\ld be occasionally eight days )\t eat+3 t mu/ h be5 :5 he 0 9 pray]2 = he 0 subject to trances1 & to ! impetuosities ( ! love ( ,god1 ( :i* ,i 0 once a witness myself4 #ai4 ,8 pov]ty 0 extreme2 & 8 mortification1 f 8 y\?1 0 su*1--s he told me1--t he 0 ?ree ye>s 9 "o ( ! h\ses ( 8 ,ord] )\t kn[+ h[ to di/+ui% "o fri> f ano!r1 o!rwise ?an by ! voice2 = he nev] rais$ 8 eyes3 & s1 :5 he 0 oblig$ to g f "o "p ( ! h\se to ! o!r1 he nev] knew ! way1 unless he foll[$ ! fri>s4 ,8 j\rneys1 also1 7 made 9 ! same way4 ,= _m ye>s1 he nev] saw a woman's face4 ,he told me t x 0 no?+ to him !n :e!r he saw x or n3 b he 0 an ag$ man :5 ,i made 8 acqua9tance2 & 8 weakness 0 s great1 t he seem$ l no?+ else b ! roots ( trees4 ,) all 8 sanctity1 he 0 v agreeable2 ?\gh 8 words 7 few1 unless :5 he 0 ask$ que/ions2 he 0 v pleasant to speak to1 = he _h a mo/ cle> und]/&+4 #bj4 ,_m o!r ?+s ,i %\ld l to say ( him1 if ,i 7 n afraid1 my fa!r1 t y w say1 ,:y does %e m$dle "h8 & x is 9 t fe> ,i h writt5 ?is4 ,s ,i leave ! subject1 only say+ t 8 la/ end 0 l 8 life--prea*+ to1 & exhort+1 8 bre?r54 ,:5 he saw t ! end 0 comes he repeat$ ! ,psalm1 #ai ,ltatus sum 9 8 qu dicta sunt mihi2 & !n1 kneel+ d[n1 he di$4 #ba4 ,s9ce !n1 x has pleas$ our ,"l t ,i %\ld f9d m help f him ?an dur+ 8 life4 ,he advises me 9 _m matt]s4 ,i h (t5 se5 him 9 great glory4 ,! fir/ "t he appe>$ to me1 he said3 ,o bless$ p5ance1 :i* has m]it$ s great a rew>d6 ) o!r ?+s4 ,a ye> be=e 8 dea?1 he appe>$ to me be+ !n f> away4 ,i knew he 0 ab\t to die1 & s ,i s5t him ^w to t effect1 :5 he 0 "s leagues f "h4 ,:5 he di$1 he appe>$ to me1 & said t he 0 go+ to 8 re/4 ,i did n believe x4 ,i spoke ( x to "s p]sons1 & )9 eight days came ! news t he 0 dead--or1 to speak m correctly1 he _h begun to live = ev]more4 #bj #bb4 ,behold "h1 !n1 h[ t life ( %>p p5ance is p]fect$ 9 su* great glory3 & n[ he is a great] com=t to me1 ,i d believe1 ?an he 0 on e>?4 ,our ,"l said to me on "o occasion1 t p]sons c\ld n ask ,him any?+ 9 8 "n1 & ,he n he> !m4 ,i h recomm5d$ _m ?+s to him t he 0 to ask ( our ,"l1 & ,i h se5 my petitions grant$4 ,god be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #bc4 ,b h[ ,i h be5 talk+ 9 ord] to /ir y up nev] to e/eem any?+ 9 ?is life6--z if y did n "k ?is1 or z if y 7 n resolv$ to leave ev]y?+1 & _h already done x6 ,i see s mu* go+ wrong 9 ! _w1 t ?\gh my speak+ ( x is ( no o!r use ?an to we>y me by writ+ ( x1 x is "s relief to me t all ,i am say+ makes aga9/ myself4 ,our ,"l =give me all t ,i d amiss h]e92 & y too1 my fa!r1 = we>y+ y to no purpose4 ,x seems z if ,i w\ld make y d p5ance = my s9s h]e94 #a4 ,*4 xxv4 #bj4 #b4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #e1 & *4 xxix4 #a4 ,! vision took place1 x seems1 on ! #bi? ,june4 ,see *4 xxix4 #f4 #c4 ,see *4 vii4 #ab4 #d4 ,see ,anton4 a ,spiritu ,sancto1 ,direct4 ,my/ic4 tr4 iii4 disp4 v4 #c4 #e4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #h1 #c4 #f4 #ag1 infra4 #g4 ,see ,relation1 vii4 #bf4 #h4 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #h1 #c4 #i4 ,*4 xxv4 #a4 #aj4 ,cant4 vi4 #d3 ,av]te oculos tuos a me1 quia ipsi me avol>e fec]unt4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 xxix4 n4 #f1 ,engl4 trans4 #aa4 ,acts x4 #cd3 ,non e/ p]son>um acceptor ,deus4 #ab4 ,/4 ,luke xxiii4 #bh3 ,fili ,j]usalem1 nolite fl]e sup] ,me1 s$ sup] vos ipsas flete4 #ac4 ,/4 ,matt4 xxvii4 #cb3 ,hunc ang>iav]unt ut toll]et crucem ,ejus4 #ad4 ,/4 ,john x4 #bj3 ,dmonium habet et insanit3 quid ,eum auditis8 #ae4 ,sap4 v4 #d3 ,nos ins5sati vitam illorum /imabamus insaniam4 #af4 #ah? ,oct4 #aefb4 ,z ! ,sa9t f9i%$ ! fir/ relation ( h] life 9 ,june1 #aefb1 ?is is "o ( ! additions subsequ5tly made4 #ag4 ,*4 xiv4 #g4 #ah4 ,*4 xxvi4 #c1 *4 xxxii4 #af4 #ai4 ,psalm cxxi4 ,! words 9 ! ,,ms4 are3 ,letatun sun yn is que dita sun miqui 7,de la ,fu5te74 #bj4 ,see *4 xxx4 #b4 ,*apt] ,,xxviii4 ,visions ( ! ,sacr$ ,humanity1 & ( ! ,glorifi$ ,bodies4 ,imag9>y ,visions4 ,great ,fruits ,!re( ,:5 ,!y ,come f ,god4 #a4 ,i n[ resume our subject4 ,i sp5t "s days1 n _m1 ) t vision #a cont9ually be=e me4 ,x did me s mu* good1 t ,i nev] ceas$ to pray4 ,ev5 :5 ,i did cease1 ,i contriv$ t x %\ld be 9 su* a way z t ,i %\ld n displease ,him :om ,i saw s cle>ly pres5t1 an eye-witness ( my acts4 ,& ?\gh ,i 0 occasionally afraid1 because s mu* 0 said to me ab\t delusions1 t fe> la/$ n long1 because our ,"l reassur$ me4 #b4 ,x pleas$ our ,"l1 "o day t ,i 0 9 pray]1 to %[ me ,8 ,h&s1 & ,8 ,h&s only4 ,! beauty ( !m 0 s great1 t no language c describe x4 ,?is put me 9 great fe>2 = ev]y?+ t is /range1 9 ! beg9n+ ( any new grace f ,god1 makes me v mu* afraid4 ,a few days lat]1 ,i saw ,8 div9e ,face1 & ,i 0 utt]ly entranc$4 ,i c\ld n und]/& :y our ,"l %[$ ,himself 9 ?is way1 see+ t1 aft]w>ds1 ,he grant$ me ! grace ( see+ ,8 :ole ,p]son4 ,lat] on1 ,i und]/ood t ,8 ,maje/y 0 deal+ ) me accord+ to ! weakness ( my nature4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,a glory s great 0 m ?an "o s base & wick$ c\ld be>2 & our m]ciful ,"l1 kn[+ ?is1 ord]$ x 9 ?is way4 #c4 ,y w ?9k1 my fa!r1 t x requir$ no great c\rage to look ^u ,h&s & ,face s beautiful4 ,b s beautiful are glorifi$ bodies1 t ! glory :i* surr\nds !m r5d]s ^? :o see t :i* is s sup]natural & beautiful beside !mselves4 ,x 0 s ) me3 ,i 0 9 su* great fe>1 tr\ble1 & p]plexity at ! sight4 ,aft]w>ds !re ensu$ a s5se ( safety & c]ta9ty1 toge!r ) o!r results1 s t all fe> pass$ imm$iately away4 #b #d4 ,on "o ( ! fea/s ( ,/4 ,paul1 #c :5 ,i 0 at ,mass1 !re /ood be=e me ! mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity1 #d z pa9t]s repres5t ,him aft] ! resurrection1 9 great beauty & maje/y1 z ,i p>ticul>ly describ$ x to y1 my fa!r1 :5 y _h insi/$ on x4 ,x 0 pa9ful en\gh to h to write ab\t x1 = ,i c\ld n describe x )\t do+ great viol5ce to myself4 ,b ,i describ$ x z well z ,i c\ld1 & !re is no reason :y ,i %\ld n[ recur to x4 ,"o ?+1 h[ev]1 ,i h to say3 if 9 heav5 itself !re 7 no?+ else to delight our eyes b ! great beauty ( glorifi$ bodies1 t w\ld be an excessive bliss1 p>ticul>ly ! vision ( ! ,humanity ( ,jesus ,*ri/ our ,"l4 ,if "h bel[1 :]e ,8 ,maje/y %[s ,himself to u accord+ to ! measure :i* our wret*$ness c be>1 x is s great1 :at mu/ x be !re1 :]e ! fruition ( x is complete6 #e4 ,?is vision1 ?\gh imag9>y1 ,i nev] saw ) my bodily eyes1 nor1 inde$1 any o!r1 b only ) ! eyes ( ! s\l4 ,^? :o und]/& ^! ?+s bett] ?an ,i d1 say t ! intellectual vision is m p]fect ?an ?is2 & ?is1 ! imag9>y vision1 mu* m p]fect ?an ^? visions :i* are se5 by ! bodily eyes4 ,! latt] k9d ( visions1 !y say1 is ! l[e/2 & x is by ^! t ! devil c mo/ delude u4 #e ,i did n "k x !n2 = ,i wi%$1 :5 ?is grace _h be5 grant$ me1 t x _h be5 s 9 su* a way t ,i c\ld see x ) my bodily eyes1 9 ord] t my confessor might n say to me t ,i indulg$ 9 fancies4 #f4 ,aft] ! vision 0 ov]1 x happ5$ t ,i too imag9$--! ?\ght came at once--,i _h fanci$ ^! ?+s2 s ,i 0 di/ress$1 because ,i _h spok5 ( !m to my confessor1 ?9k+ t ,i might h be5 deceiv+ him4 ,!re 0 ano!r lam5tation3 ,i w5t to my confessor1 & told him ( my d\bts4 ,he w\ld ask me :e!r ,i told him ! tru? s f> z ,i knew x2 or1 if n1 _h ,i int5d$ to deceive him8 ,i w\ld reply1 t ,i told ! tru?2 =1 to ! be/ ( my belief1 ,i did n lie1 nor did ,i mean any?+ ( ! k9d2 nei!r w\ld ,i tell a lie = ! :ole _w4 #f ,?is he knew well en\gh2 &1 accord+ly1 he contriv$ to quiet me2 & ,i felt s mu* ! go+ to him ) ^! d\bts1 t ,i _c tell h[ ,satan c\ld h put x into my head t ,i inv5t$ ^? ?+s = ! purpose ( torm5t+ myself4 #g4 ,b our ,"l made su* ha/e to be/[ ?is grace ^u me1 & to decl>e ! reality ( x1 t all d\bts ( ! vision be+ a fancy on my "p 7 quickly tak5 away1 & ev] s9ce ,i see mo/ cle>ly h[ silly ,i 04 ,= if ,i 7 to sp5d _m ye>s 9 devis+ h[ to picture to myself any?+ s beautiful1 ,i %\ld nev] be able1 nor ev5 "k h[1 to d x = x is beyond ! rea* ( any possible imag9ation "h bel[3 ! :it5ess & brilliancy alone are inconceivable4 ,x is n a brilliancy :i* dazzles1 b a delicate :it5ess & a brilliancy infus$1 furni%+ ! mo/ excessive delight to ! eyes1 nev] we>i$ !reby1 nor by ! visible brightness :i* enables u to see a beauty s div9e4 ,x is a light s diff]5t f any light "h bel[1 t ! v brightness ( ! sun we see1 9 comp>ison ) ! brightness & light be=e our eyes1 seems to be some?+ s obscure1 t no "o w\ld ev] wi% to op5 8 eyes aga94 #h4 ,x is l mo/ pellucid wat] runn+ 9 a b$ ( cry/al1 reflect+ ! rays ( ! sun1 comp>$ ) mo/ muddy wat] on a cl\dy day1 fl[+ on ! surface ( ! e>?4 ,n t !re is any?+ l ! sun pres5t "h1 nor is ! light l t ( ! sun3 ?is light seems to be natural2 &1 9 comp>ison ) x1 e o!r light is some?+ artificial4 ,x is a light :i* kn[s no night2 b r1 z x is always light1 no?+ ev] di/urbs x4 ,9 %ort1 x is su* t no man1 h[ev] gift$ he may be1 c ev]1 9 ! :ole c\rse ( 8 life1 arrive at any imag9ation ( :at x is4 ,god puts x be=e u s in/antane\sly1 t we c\ld n op5 our eyes 9 "t to see x1 if x 7 necess>y = u to op5 !m at all4 ,b :e!r our eyes be op5 or %ut1 x makes no diff]5ce :atev]2 = :5 our ,"l wills1 we mu/ see x1 :e!r we w or n4 ,no di/raction c %ut x out1 no p[] c resi/ x1 nor c we atta9 to x by any dilig5ce or ef=ts ( our own4 ,i "k ?is by exp]i5ce well1 z ,i %all %[ y4 #i4 ,t :i* ,i wi% n[ to speak ( is ! mann] 9 :i* our ,"l manife/s ,himself 9 ^! visions4 ,i d n mean t ,i am go+ to expla9 h[ x is t a light s /rong c ent] ! int]ior s5se1 or s di/9ct an image ! und]/&+1 s z to seem to be really !re2 = ?is mu/ be "w = le>n$ m54 ,our ,"l has n be5 pleas$ to let me und]/& h[ x is4 ,i am s ignorant myself1 & s dull ( und]/&+1 t1 al?\gh p h v mu* wi%$ to expla9 x to me1 ,i h nev] be5 able to und]/& h[ x c be4 #aj4 ,?is is ! tru?3 ?\gh y1 my fa!r1 may ?9k t ,i h a quick und]/&+1 x is n s2 = ,i h f\nd out1 9 _m ways1 t my und]/&+ c take 9 only1 z !y say1 :at is giv5 to x to eat4 ,sometimes my confessor us$ to be amaz$ at my ignorance3 & he nev] expla9$ to me--nor1 inde$1 did ,i desire to und]/&--h[ ,god did ?is1 nor h[ x c\ld be4 ,nor did ,i ev] ask2 ?\gh1 z ,i h said1 #g ,i _h conv]se = _m ye>s ) m5 ( great le>n+4 ,b ,i did ask !m if ?is or t 7 a s9 or n3 z = ev]y?+ else1 ! ?\ght t ,god did x all 0 en\gh = me4 ,i saw !re 0 no reason to be afraid1 b great reason to praise ,him4 ,on ! o!r h&1 difficulties increase my devotion2 & ! great] ! difficulty ! great] ! increase4 #aa4 ,i w !re=e relate :at my exp]i5ce has %[n me2 b h[ our ,"l br\ght x ab\t1 y1 my fa!r1 w expla9 bett] ?an ,i c1 & make cle> all t is obscure1 & beyond my skill to expla94 ,n[ & !n x seem$ to me t :at ,i saw 0 an image2 b mo/ frequ5tly x 0 n s4 ,i ?\ght x 0 ,*ri/ ,himself1 judg+ by ! brightness 9 :i* ,he 0 pleas$ to %[ ,himself4 ,sometimes ! vision 0 s indi/9ct1 t ,i ?\ght x 0 an image2 b /ill n l a picture1 h[ev] well pa9t$--& ,i h se5 _m good pictures4 ,x w\ld be absurd to suppose t ! "o be>s any resemblance :atev] to ! o!r1 = !y diff] z a liv+ p]son diff]s f 8 portrait1 :i*1 h[ev] well drawn1 _c be lifelike1 = x is pla9 t x is a dead ?+4 ,b let ?is pass1 ?\gh to ! purpose1 & lit]ally true4 #ab4 ,i d n say ?is by way ( comp>ison1 = comp>isons are nev] exact1 b because x is ! tru? itself1 z !re is ! same diff]5ce "h t !re is betwe5 a liv+ subject & ! portrait !re(1 nei!r m nor less3 = if :at ,i saw 0 an image1 x 0 a liv+ image1--n a dead man1 b ! liv+ ,*ri/3 & ,he makes me see t ,he is ,god & man1--n z ,he 0 9 ! sepul*re1 b z ,he 0 :5 ,he _h gone =? f x1 ris5 f ! dead4 ,he comes at times 9 maje/y s great1 t no "o c h any d\bt t x is our ,"l ,himself1 especially aft] ,communion3 we "k t ,he is !n pres5t1 = fai? says s4 ,he %[s ,himself s cle>ly to be ! ,"l ( t little dwell+-place1 t ! s\l seems to be dissolv$ & lo/ 9 ,*ri/4 ,o my ,jesus1 :o c describe ! maje/y :]e9 ,?\ %[e/ ,?yself6 ,h[ utt]ly ,?\ art ! ,"l ( ! :ole _w1 & ( heav51 & ( a ?\s& o!r & innum]able worlds & heav5s1 ! creation ( :i* is possible to ,!e6 ,! s\l und]/&s by t maje/y :]e9 ,?\ %[e/ ,?yself t x is no?+ = ,!e to be ,"l ( all ?is4 #ac4 ,"h x is pla91 ,o my ,jesus1 h[ slight is ! p[] ( all ! devils 9 comp>ison ) ,?9e1 & h[ he :o is pleas+ unto ,!e is able to tread all hell "u 8 feet4 ,"h we see :y ! devils trembl$ :5 ,?\ did/ g d[n to ,limbus1 & :y !y might h long$ = a ?\s& hells /ill l[]1 t !y might escape f ,?y t]rible ,maje/y4 ,i see t x is ,?y w ! s\l %\ld feel ! greatness ( ,?y ,maje/y1 & ! p[] ( ,?y mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity1 unit$ ) ,?y ,div9ity4 ,"h1 too1 we see :at ! day ( judgm5t w be1 :5 we %all behold ! ,k+ 9 ,8 ,maje/y1 & 9 ! rig\r ( ,8 ju/ice aga9/ ! wick$4 ,"h we le>n true humility1 impr9t$ 9 ! s\l by ! sight ( its own wret*$ness1 ( :i* n[ x _c be ignorant4 ,"h1 also1 is confusion ( face1 & true rep5tance = s9s2 = ?\gh ! s\l sees t our ,"l %[s h[ ,he loves x1 yet x kn[s n :]e to g1 & s is utt]ly dissolv$4 #ad4 ,my mean+ is1 t s exce$+ly great is ! p[] ( ?is vision1 :5 our ,"l %[s ! s\l mu* ( ,8 gr&eur & maje/y1 t x is impossible1 9 my op9ion1 = any s\l to endure x1 if our ,"l did n succ\r x 9 a mo/ sup]natural way1 by ?r[+ x into a trance or ec/asy1 :]eby ! vision ( ! div9e pres5ce is lo/ 9 ! fruition !re(4 ,x is true t aft]w>ds ! vision is =gott52 b !re rema9s s deep an impression ( ! maje/y & beauty ( ,god1 t x is impossible to =get x1 except :5 our ,"l is pleas$ t ! s\l %\ld suff] f aridity & desolation1 ( :i* ,i %all speak h]eaft]2 #h = !n x seems to =get ,god ,himself4 ,! s\l is itself no long]1 x is always inebriat$2 x seems z if a liv+ love ( ,god1 ( ! highe/ k9d1 made a new beg9n+ )9 x2 = ?\gh ! =m] vision1 :i* ,i said repres5t$ ,god )\t any lik5ess ( ,him1 #i is ( a high] k9d1 yet because ( our weakness1 9 ord] t ! remembrance ( ! vision may la/1 & t our ?\ghts may be well occupi$1 x is a great matt] t a pres5ce s div9e %\ld rema9 & abide 9 our imag9ation4 ,^! two k9ds ( visions come almo/ always toge!r1 & !y d s come2 = we behold ! excell5cy & beauty & glory ( ! mo/ ,holy ,humanity ) ! eyes ( ! s\l4 ,& 9 ! o!r way ,i h spok5 (1--t ( intellectual vision1--we le>n h[ ,he is ,god1 is mighty1 c d all ?+s1 comm&s all ?+s1 gov]ns all ?+s1 & fills all ?+s ) ,8 love4 #ae4 ,?is vision is to be e/eem$ v highly2 nor is !re1 9 my op9ion1 any risk 9 x1 because ! fruits ( x %[ t ! devil has no p[] "h4 ,i ?9k he tri$ ?ree or f\r times to repres5t our ,"l to me1 9 ?is way1 by a false image ( ,him4 ,he takes ! appe>ance ( fle%1 b he _c c\nt]feit ! glory :i* x has :5 ! vision is f ,god4 ,satan makes 8 repres5tations 9 ord] to undo ! true vision :i* ! s\l has _h3 b ! s\l resi/s in/9ctively2 is tr\bl$1 disgu/$1 & re/less2 x loses t devotion & joy x previ\sly _h1 & _c pray at all4 ,9 ! beg9n+1 x s happ5$ to me ?ree or f\r times4 ,^! satanic visions are v diff]5t ?+s2 & ev5 he :o %all h atta9$ to ! pray] ( quiet only w1 ,i believe1 detect !m by ^? results ( !m :i* ,i describ$ :5 ,i 0 speak+ ( locutions4 #aj ,!y are mo/ easily recognis$2 & if a s\l cons5ts n to its own delusion1 ,i d n ?9k t ,satan w be able to deceive x1 provid$ x walks 9 humility & s+l5ess ( he>t4 ,he :o %all h _h ! true vision1 com+ f ,god1 detects ! false visions at once2 =1 ?\gh !y beg9 ) a c]ta9 sweetness & joy1 ! s\l rejects !m ( itself2 & ! joy :i* ,satan m9i/]s mu/ be1 ,i ?9k1 v diff]5t--x %[s no traces ( pure & holy love3 ,satan v quickly betrays himself4 #af4 ,?us1 !n1 z ,i believe1 ,satan c d no h>m to anyone :o has _h exp]i5ce ( ^! ?+s2 = x is ! mo/ impossible ( all impossible ?+s t all ?is may be ! "w ( ! imag9ation4 ,!re is no gr\nd :atev] = ! supposition2 = ! v beauty & :it5ess ( "o ( our ,"l's ,h&s #aa are beyond our imag9ation altoge!r4 ,h[ is x t we see pres5t be=e u1 9 a mom5t1 :at we d n rememb]1 :at we h nev] ?\ght (1 &1 moreov]1 :at1 9 a long space ( "t1 ! imag9ation c\ld n compass1 because1 z ,i h j said1 #ab x f> transc5ds any?+ we c compreh5d 9 ?is life8 ,?is1 !n1 is n possible4 ,:e!r we h any p[] 9 ! matt] or n w appe> by :at ,i am n[ go+ to say4 #ag4 ,if ! vision 7 ! "w ( a man's own und]/&+1--sett+ aside t su* a vision w\ld n accompli% ! great results ( ! true "o1 nor1 inde$1 any at all1--x w\ld be z ! act ( "o :o tries to g to sleep1 & yet cont9ues awake1 because sleep has n come4 ,he longs = x1 because ( "s necessity or weakness 9 8 head3 & s he lulls himself to sleep1 & makes ef=ts to procure x1 & n[ & !n ?9ks he has succe$$2 b1 if ! sleep be n real1 x w n support him1 nor supply /r5g? to 8 head3 on ! contr>y1 8 head w v (t5 be ! worse = x4 ,s w x be "h1 9 a measure2 ! s\l w be dissipat$1 nei!r su/a9$ nor /r5g!n$2 on ! contr>y1 x w be we>i$ & disgu/$4 ,b1 9 ! true vision1 ! ri*es :i* abide 9 ! s\l _c be describ$2 ev5 ! body receives heal? & com=t4 #ah4 ,i urg$ ?is argum5t1 among o!rs1 :5 !y told me t my visions came f ! evil "o1 & t ,i imag9$ !m myself1--& x 0 v (t51--& made use ( c]ta9 illu/rations1 z well z ,i c\ld1 & z our ,"l sugge/$ to me4 ,b all 0 to little purpose2 = z !re 7 mo/ holy p]sons 9 ! place1--9 comp>ison ) :om ,i 0 a mass ( p]dition1--:om ,god did n lead by ?is way1 !y 7 at once fill$ ) fe>2 !y ?\ght x all came ?r\gh my s9s4 ,& s my /ate 0 talk$ ab\t1 & came to ! k ( _m2 ?\gh ,i _h spok5 ( x to no "o1 except my confessor1 or to ^? to :om he comm&$ #ac me to speak ( x4 #ai4 ,i said to !m once1 ,if !y :o ?us speak ( my /ate 7 to tell me t a p]son ) :om ,i _h j conv]s$1 & :om ,i knew well1 0 n t p]son1 b t ,i 0 delud+ myself1 & t !y knew x1 ,i %\ld c]ta9ly tru/ !m r ?an my own eyes4 ,b if t p]son left ) me c]ta9 jewels1--& if1 possess+ none previ\sly1 ,i held ! jewels 9 my h& z pl$ges ( a great love1--& if ,i 7 n[ ri*1 in/ead ( poor z be=e1--,i %\ld n be able to believe ?is t !y said1 ?\gh ,i might wi% x4 ,^! jewels ,i c\ld n[ %[ !m1 = all :o knew me saw cle>ly t my s\l 0 *ang$1--& s my confessor said2 = ! diff]5ce 0 v great 9 e way--n a pret5ce1 b su* z all might mo/ cle>ly obs]ve4 ,z ,i 0 =m]ly s wick$1 ,i said1 ,i c\ld n believe t ,satan1 if he wi%$ to deceive me & take me d[n to hell1 w\ld h rec\rse to means s adv]se to 8 purpose z ?is1 ( root+ out my faults1 implant+ virtues & spiritual /r5g?2 = ,i saw cle>ly t ,i _h become at once ano!r p]son ?r\gh ! in/rum5tality ( ^! visions4 #bj4 ,my confessor1 :o 01 z ,i said be=e1 #ad "o ( ! fa!rs ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 & a really holy man1 answ]$ !m 9 ! same way1--s ,i le>nt aft]w>ds4 ,he 0 a mo/ discreet man1 & ( great humility2 b ?is great humility ( 8 br\ght me into s]i\s tr\ble3 =1 ?\gh he 0 a man mu* giv5 to pray]1 & le>n$1 he nev] tru/$ 8 own judgm5t1 because our ,"l 0 n lead+ him by ?is way4 ,he _h1 !re=e1 mu* to suff] on my acc\nt1 9 _m ways4 ,i knew !y us$ to say to him t he mu/ be on 8 gu>d aga9/ me1 le/ ,satan %\ld delude him ?r\gh a belief 9 any?+ ,i might say to him4 ,!y gave in/ances ( o!rs :o 7 delud$4 #ae ,all ?is di/ress$ me4 ,i began to be afraid ,i %\ld f9d no "o to he> my confession1 #af & t all w\ld avoid me4 ,i did no?+ b weep4 #ba4 ,x 0 a provid5ce ( ,god t he 0 will+ to /& by me & he> my confession4 ,b he 0 s great a s]vant ( ,god1 t he w\ld h expos$ himself to any?+ = ,8 sake4 ,s he told me t if ,i did n (f5d ,god1 nor sw]ve f ! in/ructions he gave me1 !re 0 no fe> ,i %\ld be des]t$ by him4 ,he enc\rag$ me always1 & quiet$ me4 ,he bade me nev] to conceal any?+ f him2 & ,i nev] did4 #ag ,he us$ to say t1 s long z ,i did ?is1 ! devil1 if x 7 ! devil1 c\ld n hurt me2 on ! contr>y1 out ( t evil :i* ,satan wi%$ to d me1 our ,"l w\ld br+ =? good4 ,he lab\r$ ) all 8 might to make me p]fect4 ,z ,i 0 v mu* afraid myself1 ,i obey$ him 9 ev]y?+1 ?\gh imp]fectly4 ,he _h mu* to suff] on my acc\nt dur+ ?ree ye>s ( tr\ble & m1 because he he>d my confession all t "t2 = 9 ! great p]secutions t fell ^u me1 & ! _m h>% judgm5ts ( me :i* our ,"l p]mitt$1--_m ( :i* ,i did n des]ve1--ev]y?+ 0 c>ri$ to him1 & he 0 f\nd fault ) because ( me1--he be+ all ! :ile utt]ly blameless4 #bb4 ,if he _h n be5 s holy a man1 & if our ,"l _h n be5 ) him1 x w\ld h1 be5 impossible = him to be> s mu*2 = he _h to answ] ^? :o reg>d$ me z "o go+ to de/ruction2 & !y w\ld n believe :at he said to !m4 ,on ! o!r h&1 he _h to quiet me1 & relieve me ( my fe>s2 :5 my fe>s increas$1 he _h aga9 to reassure me2 =1 aft] e vision :i* 0 /range to me1 our ,"l p]mitt$ me to rema9 9 great fe>4 ,all ?is 0 ! result ( my be+ !n1 & ( hav+ be51 a s9n]4 ,he us$ to console me out ( 8 great compassion2 &1 if he _h tru/$ to 8 own convictions1 ,i %\ld n h _h s mu* to suff]2 = ,god reveal$ ! :ole tru? to him4 ,i believe t he receiv$ ?is light f ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t4 #bc4 ,^? s]vants ( ,god :o 7 n satisfi$ _h _m conv]sations ) me4 #ah ,z ,i spoke to !m c>elessly1 s !y misund]/ood my mean+ 9 _m ?+s4 ,i _h a great reg>d = "o ( !m2 = my s\l ow$ him m ?an ,i c tell4 ,he 0 a mo/ holy man1 & ,i felt x mo/ acutely :5 ,i saw t he did n und]/& me4 ,he _h a great desire = my improvem5t1 & hop$ our ,"l w\ld enlight5 me4 ,s1 !n1 because ,i spoke1 z ,i 0 say+1 )\t c>eful consid]ation1 !y look$ ^u me z defici5t 9 humility2 & :5 !y detect$ any ( my faults--!y might h detect$ _m--!y condemn$ me at once4 ,!y us$ to put c]ta9 que/ions to me1 :i* ,i answ]$ simply & c>elessly4 ,!n !y conclud$ =?) t ,i wi%$ to tea* !m1 & t ,i consid]$ myself to be a le>n$ woman4 ,all ?is 0 c>ri$ to my confessor1--= c]ta9ly !y desir$ my am5dm5t--& s he w\ld reprim& me4 ,?is la/$ "s "t1 & ,i 0 di/ress$ on _m sides2 b1 ) ! graces :i* our ,"l gave me1 ,i bore x all4 #bd4 ,i relate ?is 9 ord] t p may see :at a great trial x is n to f9d any "o :o kn[s ?is way ( ! _s by exp]i5ce4 ,if our ,"l _h n dealt s fav\rably ) me1 ,i "k n :at w\ld h become ( me4 ,!re 7 "s ?+s t 7 en\gh to take away my reason2 & n[ & !n ,i 0 r$uc$ to su* /raits t ,i c\ld d no?+ b lift up my eyes to our ,"l4 #ai ,! contradiction ( good p1 :i* a wret*$ woman1 weak1 wick$1 & timid z ,i am1 mu/ be> )1 seems to be no?+ :5 ?us describ$2 b ,i1 :o 9 ! c\rse ( my life pass$ ?r\gh v great trials1 f\nd ?is "o ( ! heavie/4 #bj #be4 ,may our ,"l grant t ,i may h pleas$ ,8 ,maje/y a little h]e92 = ,i am sure t !y pleas$ ,him :o condemn$ & rebuk$ me1 & t x 0 all = my great good4 #a4 ,*4 xxvii4 #c4 #b4 ,philipp4 a ,,ss4 ,tr9itate1 ,!olog4 ,my/ic4 p>4 #b1 tr4 #c1 disc4 iv41 art4 #h3 ,quamvis 9 pr9cipio visiones a dmone fict aliquam habeant pacem ac dulc$9em1 9 f9e tam5 confusionum et am>itud9em 9 anima rel9quunt2 cujus contr>ium e/ 9 div9is visionibus1 qu spe turbant 9 pr9cipio1 s$ semp] 9 f9e pacem anim rel9quunt4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,spiritual ,canticle1 /4 #ad1 p4 #hd3 ,9 ! spiritual passage f ! sleep ( natural ignorance to ! wakefulness ( ! sup]natural und]/&+1 :i* is ! beg9n+ ( trance or ec/asy1 ! spiritual vision !n reveal$ makes ! s\l fe> & tremble4 #c4 ,see *4 xxix4 #d4 #d4 ,! holy ,"m1 ,t]esa ( ,jesus1 _h ^! imag9>y visions = _m ye>s1 see+ our ,"l cont9ually pres5t be=e h] 9 great beauty1 ris5 f ! dead1 ) ,8 w\nds & ! cr[n ( ?orns4 ,%e _h a picture made ( ,him1 :i* %e gave to me1 & :i* ,i gave to ,don ,f]n&o de ,tol$o1 ,duke ( ,alva 7,j]ome ,gratian1 ,union del ,alma1 cap4 #e4 ,madrid1 #afaf74 #e4 ,anton4 a ,sp4 ,sancto1 ,direct4 ,my/ic4 tr4 iii4 disp4 #e1 ,i1 n4 #cae3 ,visio corporea e/ infima1 visio imag9>ia e/ m$ia1 visio intellectualis e/ suprema4 ,n4 #cbb3 ,app>itio visibilis1 cum sit omnium infima1 e/ magis exposita illusioni diaboli1 nisi =te huic visioni corporali visio intellectualis adjungatur1 ut 9 app>itione ,s4 ,gabrielis ar*angeli facta ,beat ,virg9i4 #f4 ,see *4 xxx4 #ah4 #g4 ,*4 xxv4 #ah4 #h4 ,*4 xxx4 #i1 #aj4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,obscure ,night1 bk4 ii4 *4 #g4 #i4 ,*4 xxvii4 #c4 #aj4 ,*4 xxv4 #h4 #aa4 ,see #b4 #ab4 #g1 supra4 #ac4 ,see *4 xxiii4 #ad4 #ad4 ,*4 xxiv4 #e4 #ae4 ,!re 7 9 ,spa91 & else:]e1 _m wom5 :o 7 hypocrites1 or delud$4 ,among o!rs 0 ! prioress ( ,lisbon1 aft]w>ds notori\s1 :o deceiv$ ,luis ( ,granada 7,de la ,fu5te74 #af4 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #a1 #d4 #ag4 ,*4 xxvi4 #e2 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #i1 #g4 #ah4 ,see *4 xxv4 #ah4 #ai4 #b ,p>alip4 xx4 #ab3 ,s$ cum ignoremus quid ag]e debeamus1 hoc solum habemus residui1 ut oculos no/ros dirigamus ad ,te4 #bj4 ,see *4 xxx4 #f4 ,*apt] ,,xxix4 ,( ,visions4 ,! ,graces ,our ,"l ,be/[$ on ! ,sa9t4 ,! ,answ]s ,our ,"l ,gave ,h] = ,^? ,:o ,tri$ ,h]4 #a4 ,i h w&]$ f> f ! subject2 = ,i und]took to give reasons :y ! vision 0 no "w ( ! imag9ation4 ,= h[ c we1 by any ef=ts ( ours1 picture to ourselves ! ,humanity ( ,*ri/1 & imag9e ,8 great beauty8 ,no little "t is necess>y1 if our conception is 9 any way to resemble x4 ,c]ta9ly1 ! imag9ation may be able to picture x1 & a p]son may = a "t contemplate t picture1--! =m & ! brightness ( x1--& gradually make x m p]fect1 & s lay up t image 9 8 memory4 ,:o c h9d] ?is1 see+ t x c\ld be fa%ion$ by ! und]/&+8 ,b z to ! vision ( :i* ,i am speak+1 !re are no means ( br++ x ab\t2 only we mu/ behold x :5 our ,"l is pleas$ to pres5t x be=e u1 z ,he wills & :at ,he wills2 & !re is no possibility ( tak+ any?+ away f x1 or ( add+ any?+ to x2 nor is !re any way ( effect+ x1 :atev] we may d1 nor ( see+ x :5 we l1 nor ( ab/a9+ f see+2 if we try to gaze ^u x--"p ( ! vision 9 p>ticul>--! vision ( ,*ri/ is lo/ at once4 #b4 ,= two ye>s & a half ,god grant$ me ?is grace v frequ5tly2 b x is n[ m ?an ?ree ye>s s9ce ,he has tak5 away f me its cont9ual pres5ce1 ?r\gh ano!r ( a high] nature1 z ,i %all p]haps expla9 h]eaft]4 #a ,& ?\gh ,i saw ,him speak+ to me1 & ?\gh ,i 0 contemplat+ ,8 great beauty1 & ! sweetness ) :i* ^? words ( ,8 came =? f ,8 div9e m\?1--!y 7 sometimes utt]$ ) sev]ity1--& ?\gh ,i 0 extremely desir\s to behold ! col\r ( ,8 eyes1 or ! =m ( !m1 s t ,i might be able to describe !m1 yet ,i nev] atta9$ to ! sight ( !m1 & ,i c\ld d no?+ = t end2 on ! contr>y1 ,i lo/ ! vision altoge!r4 ,& ?\gh ,i see t ,he looks ^u me at times ) great t5d]ness1 yet s /rong is ,8 gaze1 t my s\l _c endure x2 ,i fall into a trance s deep1 t ,i lose ! beautiful vision1 9 ord] to h a great] fruition ( x all4 #c4 ,accord+ly1 will+ or n will+1 ! vision has no?+ to d ) x4 ,our ,"l cle>ly reg>ds no?+ b humility & confusion ( face1 ! acceptance ( :at ,he wi%es to give1 & ! praise ( ,himself1 ! ,giv]4 ,?is is true ( all visions )\t exception3 we c contribute no?+ t[>ds !m--we _c add to !m1 nor c we take f !m2 our own ef=ts c nei!r make nor unmake !m4 ,our ,"l w\ld h u see mo/ cle>ly t x is no "w ( ours1 b ( ,8 ,div9e ,maje/y2 we are !re=e ! less able to be pr\d ( x3 on ! contr>y1 x makes u humble & afraid2 = we see t1 z our ,"l c take f u ! p[] ( see+ :at we w\ld see1 s also c ,he take f u ^! m]cies & ,8 grace1 & we may be lo/ = ev]4 ,we mu/ !re=e walk 9 ,8 fe> :ile we are liv+ 9 ?is our exile4 #d4 ,our ,"l %[$ ,himself to me almo/ always z ,he is aft] ,8 resurrection4 ,x 0 ! same 9 ! ,ho/2 only at ^? times :5 ,i 0 9 tr\ble1 & :5 x 0 ,8 w to /r5g!n me1 did ,he %[ ,8 w\nds4 ,sometimes ,i saw ,him on ! cross1 9 ! ,g>d51 cr[n$ ) ?orns1--b t 0 r>ely2 sometimes also c>ry+ ,8 cross because ( my necessities1--,i may say s1--or ^? ( o!rs2 b always 9 ,8 glorifi$ body4 ,_m reproa*es & _m vexations h ,i borne :ile tell+ ?is--_m suspicions & mu* p]secution also4 ,s c]ta9 7 !y to :om ,i spoke t ,i _h an evil _s1 t "s w\ld h me exorcis$4 ,i did n c>e mu* = ?is2 b ,i felt x bitt]ly :5 ,i saw t my confessors 7 afraid to he> me1 or :5 ,i knew t !y 7 told ( any?+ ab\t me4 #e4 ,not)/&+ all ?is1 ,i nev] c\ld be sorry t ,i _h _h ^! heav5ly visions2 nor w\ld ,i ex*ange ev5 "o ( !m = all ! weal? & all ! pleasures ( ! _w4 ,i always reg>d$ !m z a great m]cy f our ,"l2 & to me !y 7 ! v greate/ treasure1--( ?is our ,"l assur$ me (t54 ,i us$ to g to ,him to compla9 ( all ^! h>d%ips2 & ,i came away f pray] consol$1 & ) r5ew$ /r5g?4 ,i did n d>e to contradict ^? :o 7 try+ me2 = ,i saw t x made matt]s worse1 because !y look$ on my do+ s z a failure 9 humility4 ,i spoke ( x to my confessor2 he always consol$ me greatly :5 he saw me 9 di/ress4 #f4 ,z my visions grew 9 frequ5cy1 "o ( ^? :o us$ to help me be=e--x 0 to him ,i confess$ :5 ! fa!r-m9i/] #b c\ld n he> me--began to say t ,i 0 c]ta9ly "u ! influ5ce ( ,satan4 ,he bade me1 n[ t ,i _h no p[] ( resi/+1 always to make ! sign ( ! cross :5 ,i _h a vision1 to po9t my f+] at x by way ( scorn1 #c & be firmly p]suad$ ( its diabolic nature4 ,if ,i did ?is1 ! vision w\ld n recur4 ,i 0 to be )\t fe> on ! po9t2 ,god w\ld wat* ov] me1 & take ! vision away4 #d ,?is 0 a great h>d%ip = me2 =1 z ,i c\ld n believe t ! vision did n come f ,god1 x 0 a fe>ful ?+ = me to d2 & ,i c\ld n wi%1 z ,i said be=e1 t ! visions %\ld be )held4 ,h[ev]1 ,i did at la/ z ,i 0 bidd54 ,i pray$ mu* to our ,"l1 t ,he w\ld deliv] me f delusions4 ,i 0 always pray+ to t effect1 & ) _m te>s4 ,i _h rec\rse also to ,/4 ,pet] & ,/4 ,paul2 = our ,"l _h said to me--x 0 on _! fea/ t ,he _h appe>$ to me ! fir/ "t #e--t !y w\ld pres]ve me f delusion4 ,i us$ to see !m frequ5tly mo/ di/9ctly on my left h&2 b t vision 0 n imag9>y4 ,^! glori\s ,sa9ts 7 my v good lords4 #g4 ,x 0 to me a mo/ pa9ful ?+ to make a %[ ( contempt :5ev] ,i saw our ,"l 9 a vision2 = :5 ,i saw ,him be=e me1 if ,i 7 to be cut 9 pieces1 ,i c\ld n believe x 0 ,satan4 ,?is 0 to me1 !re=e1 a heavy k9d ( p5ance2 & accord+ly1 t ,i might n be s cont9ually cross+ myself1 ,i us$ to hold a crucifix 9 my h&4 ,?is ,i did almo/ always2 b ,i did n always make signs ( contempt1 because ,i felt t too mu*4 ,x rem9d$ me ( ! insults :i* ! ,jews heap$ ^u ,him2 & s ,i pray$ ,him to =give me1 see+ t ,i did s 9 ob$i5ce to him :o /ood 9 ,8 /ead1 & n to lay ! blame on me1 see+ t he 0 "o ( ^? :om ,he _h plac$ z ,8 m9i/]s 9 ,8 ,*ur*4 ,he said to me t ,i 0 n to di/ress myself--t ,i did well to obey2 b ,he w\ld make !m see ! tru? ( ! matt]4 ,he seem$ to me to be angry :5 !y made me give up my pray]4 #f ,he told me to say to !m t ?is 0 tyranny4 ,he gave me reasons = believ+ t ! vision 0 n satanic2 "s ( !m ,i mean to repeat by & by4 #h4 ,on "o occasion1:5 ,i 0 hold+ 9 my h& ! cross ( my ros>y1 ,he took x f me into ,8 own h&4 ,he return$ x2 b x 0 !n f\r l>ge /ones incomp>ably m preci\s ?an diamonds2 = no?+ c be comp>$ ) :at is sup]natural4 ,diamonds seem c\nt]feits & imp]fect :5 comp>$ ) ^! preci\s /ones4 ,! five w\nds 7 del9eat$ on !m ) mo/ admirable art4 ,he said to me1 t = ! future t cross w\ld appe> s to me always2 & s x did4 ,i nev] saw ! wood ( :i* x 0 made1 b only ! preci\s /ones4 ,!y 7 se51 h[ev]1 by no "o else1--only by myself4 #g #i4 ,:5 !y _h begun to insi/ on my putt+ my visions to a te/ l ?is1 & resi/+ !m1 ! graces ,i receiv$ 7 multipli$ m & m4 ,i tri$ to di/ract myself2 ,i nev] ceas$ to be 9 pray]3 ev5 dur+ sleep my pray] seem$ to be cont9ual2 = n[ my love grew1 ,i made pite\s compla9ts to our ,"l1 & told ,him ,i c\ld n be> x4 ,nei!r 0 x 9 my p[]--?\gh ,i desir$1 &1 m ?an t1 ev5 /rove--to give up ?9k+ ( ,him4 ,nev]!less1 ,i obey$ to ! utmo/ ( my p[]2 b my p[] 0 little or no?+ 9 ! matt]2 & our ,"l nev] releas$ me f t ob$i5ce2 b ?\gh ,he bade me obey my confessor1 ,he reassur$ me 9 ano!r way1 & taught me :at ,i 0 to say4 ,he has cont9u$ to d s until n[2 & ,he gave me reasons s suffici5t1 t ,i felt myself p]fectly safe4 #aj4 ,n long aft]w>ds ,8 ,maje/y began1 accord+ to ,8 promise1 to make x cle> t x 0 ,he ,himself :o appe>$1 by ! gr[? 9 me ( ! love ( ,god s /rong1 t ,i knew n :o c\ld h infus$ x2 = x 0 mo/ sup]natural1 & ,i _h n atta9$ to x by any ef=ts ( my own4 ,i saw myself dy+ ) a desire to see ,god1 & ,i knew n h[ to seek t life o!rwise ?an by dy+4 ,c]ta9 great impetuosities #h ( love1 ?\gh n s intol]able z ^? ( :i* ,i h spok5 be=e1 #i nor yet ( s great wor?1 ov]:elm$ me4 ,i knew n :at to d2 = no?+ gave me pleasure1 & ,i _h no control ov] myself4 ,x seem$ z if my s\l 7 really torn away f myself4 ,oh1 supreme artifice ( our ,"l6 h[ t5d]ly did/ ,?\ deal ) ,?y mis]able slave6 ,?\ did/ hide ,?yself f me1 & did/ yet con/ra9 me ) ,?y love1 ) a dea? s sweet1 t my s\l w\ld nev] wi% x ov]4 #aa4 ,x is n possible = any "o to und]/& ^! impetuosities if he has n exp]i5c$ !m himself4 ,!y are n an upheav+ ( ! brea/1 nor ^? devotional s5sations1 n uncommon1 :i* seem on ! po9t ( caus+ suffocation1 & are beyond control4 ,t pray] is ( a mu* l[] ord]2 & ^? agitations %\ld be avoid$ by g5tly endeav\r+ to be recollect$2 & ! s\l %\ld be kept 9 quiet4 ,?is pray] is l ! sobb+ ( little *ildr51 :o seem on ! po9t ( *ok+1 & ^: disord]$ s5ses are soo!d by giv+ !m to dr9k4 ,s "h reason %\ld draw 9 ! re9s1 because nature itself may be contribut+ to x & we %\ld consid] ) fe> t all ?is may n be p]fect1 & t mu* s5suality may be involv$ 9 x4 ,! infant s\l %\ld be soo!d by ! c>esses ( love1 :i* %all draw =? its love 9 a g5tle way1 & n1 z !y say1 by =ce ( bl[s4 ,?is love %\ld be inw>dly "u control1 & n z a caldron1 fi]cely boil+ because too mu* fuel has be5 appli$ to x1 & out ( :i* ev]y?+ is lo/4 ,! s\rce ( ! fire mu/ be kept "u control1 & ! flame mu/ be qu5*$ 9 sweet te>s1 & n ) ^? pa9ful te>s :i* come out ( ^! emotions1 & :i* d s mu* h>m4 #ab4 ,9 ! beg9n+1 ,i _h te>s ( ?is k9d4 ,!y left me ) a disord]$ head & a we>i$ _s1 & = a day or two aft]w>ds unable to resume my pray]4 ,great discretion1 !re=e1 is necess>y at fir/1 9 ord] t ev]y?+ may proce$ g5tly1 & t ! op]ations ( ! _s may be )92 all outw>d manife/ations %\ld be c>efully avoid$4 #ac4 ,^! o!r impetuosities are v diff]5t4 ,x is n we :o apply ! fuel2 ! fire is already k9dl$1 & we are ?r[n into x 9 a mom5t to be consum$4 ,x is by no ef=ts ( ! s\l t x sorr[s ov] ! w\nd :i* ! abs5ce ( our ,"l has inflict$ on x2 x is f> o!rwise2 = an arr[ is driv5 into ! entrails to ! v quick1 #aj & into ! he>t at times1 s t ! s\l kn[s n :at is ! matt] ) x1 nor :at x wi%es =4 ,x und]/&s cle>ly en\gh t x wi%es = ,god1 & t ! arr[ seems temp]$ ) "s h]b :i* makes ! s\l hate itself = ! love ( our ,"l1 & will+ly lose its life = ,him4 ,x is impossible to describe or expla9 ! way 9 :i* ,god w\nds ! s\l1 nor ! v griev\s pa9 inflict$1 :i* deprives x ( all self-consci\sness2 yet ?is pa9 is s sweet1 t !re is no joy 9 ! _w :i* gives great] delight4 ,z ,i h j said1 #aa ! s\l w\ld wi% to be always dy+ ( ?is w\nd4 #ad4 ,?is pa9 & bliss toge!r c>ri$ me out ( myself1 & ,i nev] c\ld und]/& h[ x 04 ,oh1 :at a sight a w\nd$ s\l is6--a s\l1 ,i mean1 s consci\s ( x1 z to be able to say ( itself t x is w\nd$ = s good a cause2 & see+ di/9ctly t x nev] did any?+ :]eby ?is love %\ld come to x1 & t x does come f t exce$+ love :i* our ,"l be>s x4 ,a sp>k seems to h fall5 sudd5ly ^u x1 t has set x all on fire4 ,oh1 h[ (t5 d ,i rememb]1 :5 9 ?is /ate1 ^? words ( ,david3 ,quemadmodum desid]at c]vus ad fontes aqu>um6 #ab ,!y seem to me to be lit]ally true ( myself4 #ae4 ,:5 ^! impetuosities are n v viol5t !y seem to admit ( a little mitigation--at lea/1 ! s\l seeks "s relief1 because x kn[s n :at to d--?r\gh c]ta9 p5ances2 ! pa9fulness ( :i*1 & ev5 ! %$d+ ( its blood1 are no m felt ?an if ! body 7 dead4 ,! s\l seeks = ways & means to d some?+ t may be felt1 = ! love ( ,god2 b ! fir/ pa9 is s great1 t no bodily torture ,i "k ( c take x away4 ,z relief is n to be _h "h1 ^! m$ic9es are too mean = s high a disease4 ,"s slight mitigation may be _h1 & ! pa9 may pass away a little1 by pray+ ,god to relieve its suff]+s3 b ! s\l sees no relief except 9 dea?1 by :i* x ?9ks to atta9 completely to ! fruition ( its good4 ,at o!r times1 ^! impetuosities are s viol5t1 t ! s\l c d nei!r ?is nor any?+ else2 ! :ole body is contract$1 & nei!r h& nor foot c be mov$3 if ! body be upright at ! "t1 x falls d[n1 z a ?+ t has no control ov] itself4 ,x _c ev5 brea!2 all x does is to moan--n l\dly1 because x _c3 its moan+1 h[ev]1 comes f a ke5 s5se ( pa94 #af4 ,our ,"l 0 pleas$ t ,i %\ld h at times a vision ( ?is k9d3 ,i saw an angel close by me1 on my left side1 9 bodily =m4 ,?is ,i am n accu/om$ to see1 unless v r>ely4 ,?\gh ,i h visions ( angels frequ5tly1 yet ,i see !m only by an intellectual vision1 su* z ,i h spok5 ( be=e4 #ac ,x 0 our ,"l's w t 9 ?is vision ,i %\ld see ! angel 9 ?is wise4 ,he 0 n l>ge1 b small ( /ature1 & mo/ beautiful--8 face burn+1 z if he 7 "o ( ! highe/ angels1 :o seem to be all ( fire3 !y mu/ be ^? :om we call *]ubim4 #ad ,_! names !y nev] tell me2 b ,i see v well t !re is 9 heav5 s great a diff]5ce betwe5 "o angel & ano!r1 & betwe5 ^! & ! o!rs1 t ,i _c expla9 x4 #ag4 ,i saw 9 8 h& a long spe> ( gold1 & at ! iron's po9t !re seem$ to be a little fire4 ,he appe>$ to me to be ?ru/+ x at times into my he>t1 #ae & to pi]ce my v entrails2 :5 he drew x out1 he seem$ to draw !m out also1 & to leave me all on fire ) a great love ( ,god4 ,! pa9 0 s great1 t x made me moan2 & yet s surpass+ 0 ! sweetness ( ?is excessive pa91 t ,i c\ld n wi% to be rid ( x4 ,! s\l is satisfi$ n[ ) no?+ less ?an ,god4 ,! pa9 is n bodily1 b spiritual2 ?\gh ! body has its %>e 9 x1 ev5 a l>ge "o4 ,x is a c>ess+ ( love s sweet :i* n[ takes place betwe5 ! s\l & ,god1 t ,i pray ,god ( ,8 goodness to make him exp]i5ce x :o may ?9k t ,i am ly+4 #af #ah4 ,dur+ ! days t ?is la/$1 ,i w5t ab\t z if beside myself4 ,i wi%$ to see1 or speak )1 no "o1 b only to *]i% my pa91 :i* 0 to me a great] bliss ?an all creat$ ?+s c\ld give me4 #ag #ai4 ,i 0 9 ?is /ate f "t to "t1 :5ev] x 0 our ,"l's pleasure to ?r[ me into ^? deep trances1 :i* ,i c\ld n prev5t ev5 :5 ,i 0 9 ! company ( o!rs1 & :i*1 to my deep vexation1 came to be publicly kn[n4 ,s9ce !n1 ,i d n feel t pa9 s mu*1 b only t :i* ,i spoke ( be=e1--,i d n rememb] ! *apt]1 #ah--:i* is 9 _m ways v diff]5t f x1 & ( great] wor?4 ,on ! o!r h&1 :5 ?is pa91 ( :i* ,i am n[ speak+1 beg9s1 our ,"l seems to lay hold ( ! s\l1 & to ?r[ x into a trance1 s t !re is no "t = me to h any s5se ( pa9 or suff]+1 because fruition ensues at once4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]1 :o ha? be/[$ su* great graces on "o :o has respond$ s ill to bless+s s great6 #a4 ,*4 xl4 #b4 ,baltas> ,alv>ez 0 fa!r-m9i/] ( ! h\se ( ,/4 ,giles1 ,avila1 9 ^: abs5ce %e _h rec\rse to ano!r fa!r ( t h\se 7,rib]a1 i4 *4 #f74 #c4 ,y diese higas4 ,higa es una man]a de m5osprecio que hacemos c]r&o el puo1 y mo/r&o el d$o pulg> por entre el d$o indice1 y el m$io 7,cob>ruvias1 9 voce74 #d4 ,see ,book ( ! ,f\ndations1 *4 viii4 #c1 :]e ! ,sa9t ref]s to ?is advice1 & to ! bett] advice giv5 h] lat] by ,f4 ,dom9ic ,baes1 "o ( h] confessors4 ,see also ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #i1 #g4 #e4 ,see *4 xxvii4 #c1 & *4 xxviii4 #d4 #f4 ,*4 xxv4 #ah4 #g4 ,! cross 0 made ( ebony 7,rib]a74 ,x is n kn[n :]e t cross is n[4 ,! ,sa9t gave x to h] si/]1 ,da ,juana de ,ahumada1 :o begg$ x ( h]4 ,"s say t ! ,c>melites ( ,madrid possess x2 & o!rs1 ^? ( ,valladolid 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #c4 #i4 ,*4 xx4 #aa4 #aj4 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 #aa1 #b2 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,spiritual ,canticle1 /4 #a1 p4 #bb1 ,engl4 trans4 #aa4 #aj4 #ab4 ,psalm xli4 #b3 ,z ! long+ ( ! h>t = ! f\nta9s ( wat]s1 s is ! long+ ( my s\l = ,!e1 ,o my ,god4 #ac4 ,*4 xxvii4 #c4 #ad4 ,9 ! ,,ms4 ( ! ,sa9t pres]v$ 9 ! ,escurial1 ! ^w is *]ub9es2 b all ! editors be=e ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te h adopt$ ! sugge/ion1 9 ! m>g91 ( ,baes1 :o pref]r$ s]aphim4 ,f4 ,b\ix1 9 8 translation1 correct$ ! mi/ake2 b1 ) 8 usual mode/y1 did n call ! read]'s att5tion to x4 #ae4 ,see ,relation1 viii4 #af4 #af4 ,! mo/ probable op9ion is1 t ! pi]c+ ( ! he>t ( ! ,sa9t took place 9 #aeei4 ,! hymn :i* %e compos$ on t occasion 0 discov]$ 9 ,seville 9 #agjj 7,en las int]nas entraz74 ,on ! high alt> ( ! ,c>melite *ur* 9 ,alba de ,tormes1 ! he>t ( ! ,sa9t ?us pi]c$ is to be se52 & ,i h se5 x myself m ?an once 7,de la ,fu5te74 #ag4 ,brev4 ,rom4 9 fe/4 ,s4 ,t]esi1 ,oct4 #ae1 ,lect4 v43 ,tanto autem div9i amoris inc5dio cor ejus conflagravit1 ut m]ito vid]it ,angelum ignito jaculo sibi prcordia transv]b]antem4 ,! ,c>melites keep ! fea/ ( ?is pi]c+ ( ! ,sa9t's he>t on ! #bg? ( ,augu/4 #ah4 ,*4 xx4 #aa4 ,*apt] ,,xxx4 ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a ,com=ts ! ,sa9t4 ,great ,temptations & ,int]ior ,trials4 #a4 ,:5 ,i saw t ,i 0 able to d little or no?+ t[>ds avoid+ ^! great impetuosities1 ,i began also to be afraid ( !m1 because ,i c\ld n und]/& h[ ?is pa9 & joy c\ld subsi/ toge!r4 ,i knew x 0 possible en\gh = bodily pa9 & spiritual joy to dwell toge!r2 b ! coexi/5ce ( a spiritual pa9 s excessive z ?is1 & ( joy s deep1 tr\bl$ my und]/&+4 ,/ill1 ,i tri$ to cont9ue my resi/ance2 b ,i 0 s little able1 t ,i 0 n[ & !n we>i$4 ,i us$ to take up ! cross = protection1 & try to def5d myself aga9/ ,him :o1 by ! cross1 is ! ,protector ( u all4 ,i saw t no "o und]/ood me4 ,i saw x v cle>ly myself1 b ,i did n d>e to say s to any "o except my confessor2 = t w\ld h be5 a real admission t ,i _h no humility4 #b4 ,our ,"l 0 pleas$ to succ\r me 9 a great measure1--&1 = ! mom5t1 altoge!r1--by br++ to ! place :]e ,i 0 t bless$ fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a4 ,( him ,i spoke be=e1 & said some?+ ( 8 p5ance4 #a ,among o!r ?+s1 ,i h be5 assur$ t he wore cont9ually1 = tw5ty ye>s1 a girdle made ( iron4 #b ,he is ! au?or ( c]ta9 little books1 9 ,spani%1 on pray]1 :i* are n[ 9 common use2 =1 z he 0 mu* ex]cis$ !re91 8 writ+s are v pr(itable to ^? :o are giv5 to pray]4 ,he kept ! fir/ rule ( ! bless$ ,/4 ,francis 9 all its rig\r1 & did ^? ?+s besides ( :i* ,i spoke be=e4 #c4 ,:5 t wid[1 ! s]vant ( ,god & my fri5d1 ( :om ,i h already spok51 #c knew t s great a man _h come1 %e took h] measures4 ,%e knew ! /raits ,i 0 91 = %e 0 an eye-witness ( my afflictions1 & 0 a great com=t to me4 ,h] fai? 0 s /rong1 t %e c\ld n help believ+ t :at o!rs said 0 ! "w ( ! devil 0 really ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god2 & z %e is a p]son ( great s5se & great caution1 & "o to :om our ,"l is v b\ntiful 9 pray]1 x pleas$ ,8 ,maje/y to let h] see :at le>n$ m5 fail$ to disc]n4 ,my confessors gave me leave to accept relief 9 "s ?+s f h]1 because 9 _m ways %e 0 able to af=d x4 ,"s ( ^? graces :i* our ,"l be/[$ on me fell to h] lot occasionally1 toge!r ) in/ructions mo/ pr(itable = h] s\l4 ,s1 !n1 :5 %e knew t ! bless$ man 0 come1 )\t say+ a ^w to me1 %e obta9$ leave f ! ,prov9cial = me to /ay eight days 9 h] h\se1 9 ord] t ,i might ! m easily conf] ) him4 ,9 t h\se1 & 9 "o *ur* or ano!r1 ,i _h _m conv]sations ) him ! fir/ "t he came "h2 =1 aft]w>ds1 ,i _h _m communications ) him at div]se times4 #d4 ,i gave him an acc\nt1 z briefly z ,i c\ld1 ( my life1 & ( my way ( pray]1 ) ! utmo/ cle>ness 9 my p[]4 ,i h always held to ?is1 to be p]fectly frank & exact ) ^? to :om ,i make kn[n ! /ate ( my s\l4 #d ,ev5 my fir/ impulses ,i wi% !m to "k2 & z = d\btful & suspici\s matt]s1 ,i us$ to make ! mo/ ( !m by argu+ aga9/ myself4 ,?us1 !n1 )\t equivocation or concealm5t1 ,i laid be=e him ! /ate ( my s\l4 ,i saw almo/ at once t he und]/ood me1 by reason ( 8 own exp]i5ce4 ,t 0 all ,i requir$2 = at t "t ,i did n "k myself z ,i d n[1s z to give an acc\nt ( my /ate4 ,x 0 at a lat] "t t ,god enabl$ me to und]/& myself1 & describe ! graces :i* ,8 ,maje/y be/[s ^u me4 ,x 0 necess>y1 !n1 t he :o w\ld cle>ly und]/& & expla9 my /ate %\ld h _h exp]i5ce ( x himself4 #e4 ,! light he ?rew on ! matt] 0 ( ! cle>e/2 = z to ^! visions1 at lea/1 :i* 7 n imag9>y1 ,i c\ld n und]/& h[ !y c\ld be4 ,& x seem$ t ,i c\ld n und]/&1 too1 h[ ^? c\ld be :i* ,i saw ) ! eyes ( ! s\l2 =1 z ,i said be=e1 #e ^? visions only seem$ to me to be ( consequ5ce :i* 7 se5 ) ! bodily eyes3 & ( ^! ,i _h none4 ,! holy man enlight5$ me on ! :ole "q1 expla9$ x to me1 & bade me n to be di/ress$1 b to praise ,god1 & to abide 9 ! full conviction t ?is 0 ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god2 =1 sav+ ! fai?1 no?+ c\ld be m true1 & !re 0 no?+ on :i* ,i c\ld m firmly rely4 ,he 0 greatly com=t$ 9 me1 0 mo/ k9d & s]viceable1 & ev] aft]w>ds took great c>e ( me1 & told me ( 8 own affairs & lab\rs2 & :5 he saw t ,i _h ^? v desires :i* 9 himself 7 fulfill$ already1--= our ,"l _h giv5 me v /rong desires1--& also h[ great my resolution 01 he delight$ 9 conv]s+ ) me4 #f4 ,to a p]son :om our ,"l has rais$ to ?is /ate1 !re is no pleasure or com=t equal to t ( meet+ ) ano!r :om our ,"l has begun to raise 9 ! same way4 ,at t "t1 h[ev]1 x mu/ h be5 only a beg9n+ ) me1 z ,i believe2 & ,god grant ,i may n h gone back n[4 ,he 0 extremely sorry = me4 ,he told me t "o ( ! greate/ trials 9 ?is _w 0 t :i* ,i _h borne1--namely1 ! contradiction ( good p1 #f--;& t m 0 9 res]ve = me3 ,i _h ne$1 !re=e1 ( "s "o--& !re 0 no "o 9 ?is city--:o und]/ood me2 b he w\ld speak to my confessor1 & to t m>ri$ nobleman1 already spok5 (1 #g :o 0 "o ( ^? :o torm5t$ me mo/1 & :o1 because ( 8 great affection = me1 0 ! cause ( all ^! attacks4 ,he 0 a holy b timid man1 & c\ld n feel safe ab\t me1 because he _h se5 h[ wick$ ,i 01 & t n long be=e4 ,! holy man did s2 he spoke to !m bo?1 expla9$ ! matt]1 & gave !m reasons :y !y %\ld reassure !mselves1 & di/urb me no m4 ,my confessor 0 easily satisfi$1--n s ! nobleman2 = ?\gh !y 7 n en\gh to keep him quiet1 yet !y kept him 9 "s measure f fright5+ me s mu* z he us$ to d4 #g4 ,we made an agreem5t t ,i %\ld write to him & tell him h[ x f>$ ) me1 = ! future1 & t we %\ld pray mu* = ea* o!r4 ,su* 0 8 humility1 t he held to ! pray]s ( a wret* l me4 ,x made me v mu* a%am$ ( myself4 ,he left me 9 ! greate/ consolation & joy1 bidd+ me cont9ue my pray] ) confid5ce1 & )\t any d\bt t x 0 ! "w ( ,god4 ,if ,i %\ld h any d\bts1 = my great] security1 ,i 0 to make !m kn[n to my confessor1 &1 hav+ done s1 be 9 peace4 ,nev]!less1 ,i 0 n able at all to feel t confid5ce1 = our ,"l 0 lead+ me by ! way ( fe>2 & s1 :5 !y told me t ! devil _h p[] ov] me1 ,i believ$ !m4 ,?us1 !n1 n "o ( !m 0 able to inspire me ) confid5ce on ! "o h&1 or fe> on ! o!r1 9 su* a way z to make me believe ei!r ( !m1 o!rwise ?an z our ,"l all[$ me4 ,accord+ly1 ?\gh ! holy fri> consol$ & calm$ me1 ,i did n rely s mu* on him z to be altoge!r )\t fe>1 p>ticul>ly :5 our ,"l =sook me 9 ! afflictions ( my s\l1 ( :i* ,i w n[ speak4 ,nev]!less1 z ,i h said1 ,i 0 v mu* consol$4 #h4 ,i c\ld n give ?anks en\gh to ,god1 & to my glori\s fa!r ,/4 ,joseph1 :o seem$ to me to h br\ght him "h4 ,he 0 ! commiss>y-g5]al ( ! cu/ody #h ( ,/4 ,joseph1 to :om1 & to our ,lady1 ,i us$ to pray mu*4 #i4 ,i suff]$ at times--& ev5 /ill1 ?\gh n s (t5--! mo/ griev\s trials1 toge!r ) bodily pa9s & afflictions aris+ f viol5t sicknesses2 s mu* s1 t ,i c\ld sc>cely control myself4 ,at o!r times1 my bodily sickness 0 m griev\s2 & z ,i _h no spiritual pa91 ,i bore x ) great joy3 b1 :5 bo? pa9s came ^u me toge!r1 my di/ress 0 s heavy1 t ,i 0 r$uc$ to sore /raits4 #aj4 ,i =got all ! m]cies our ,"l _h %[n me1 & rememb]$ !m only z a dream1 to my great di/ress2 = my und]/&+ 0 s dull1 t ,i _h a ?\s& d\bts & suspicions :e!r ,i _h ev] und]/ood matt]s aright1 ?9k+ t p]haps all 0 fancy1 & t x 0 en\gh = me to h deceiv$ myself1 )\t also deceiv+ good m54 ,i look$ ^u myself z s wick$ z to h be5 ! cause1 by my s9s1 ( all ! evils & all ! h]esies t _h sprung up4 ,?is is b a false humility1 & ,satan inv5t$ x = ! purpose ( disquiet+ me1 & try+ :e!r he c\ld !reby drive my s\l to despair4 ,i h n[ _h s mu* exp]i5ce1 t ,i "k ?is 0 8 "w2 s he1 see+ t ,i und]/& him1 does n torm5t me 9 ! same way z mu* z he us$ to d4 ,t x is 8 "w is cle> f ! re/lessness & discom=t ) :i* x beg9s1 & ! tr\ble x causes 9 ! s\l :ile x la/s2 f ! obscurity & di/ress1 ! aridity & indisposition = pray] & = e good "w1 :i* x produces4 ,x seems to /ifle ! s\l & trammel ! body1 s z to make !m good = no?+4 #aa4 ,n[1 ?\gh ! s\l ackn[l$ges itself to be mis]able1 & ?\gh x is pa9ful to u to see ourselves z we are1 & ?\gh we h mo/ deep convictions ( our own wick$ness1--deep z ^? spok5 ( j n[1 #i & really felt1--yet true humility is n att5d$ ) tr\ble2 x does n di/urb ! s\l2 x causes nei!r obscurity nor aridity3 on ! contr>y1 x consoles4 ,x is altoge!r diff]5t1 br++ ) x calm1 sweetness1 & light4 ,x is no d\bt pa9ful2 b1 on ! o!r h&1 x is consol+1 because we see h[ great is ! m]cy ( our ,"l 9 all[+ ! s\l to h t pa91 & h[ well ! s\l is occupi$4 ,on ! "o h&1 ! s\l grieves ov] its (f5ces aga9/ ,god2 on ! o!r1 ,8 compassion makes x glad4 ,x has light1 :i* makes x a%am$ ( itself2 & x gives ?anks to ,8 ,maje/y1 :o has borne ) x s long4 ,t o!r humility1 :i* is ! "w ( ,satan1 furni%es no light = any good "w2 x pictures ,god z br++ ^u ev]y?+ fire & sword2 x dwells ^u ,8 ju/ice2 & ! s\l's fai? 9 ! m]cy ( ,god--= ! p[] ( ! devil does n rea* s f> z to de/roy fai?--is ( su* a nature z to give me no consolation3 on ! contr>y1 ! consid]ation ( m]cies s great helps to increase ! pa91 because ,i look ^u myself z b\nd to r5d] great] s]vice4 #ab4 ,?is inv5tion ( ,satan is "o ( ! mo/ pa9ful1 subtle1 & crafty t ,i h kn[n him to possess2 ,i %\ld !re=e l to w>n y1 my fa!r1 ( x1 9 ord] t1 if ,satan %\ld tempt y h]e91 y may h "s light1 & be aw>e ( 8 devices1 if y\r und]/&+ %\ld be left at lib]ty3 because y mu/ n suppose t le>n+ & k are ( any use "h2 = ?\gh ,i h none ( !m myself1 yet n[ t ,i h escap$ out ( 8 h&s ,i see cle>ly t ?is is folly4 ,:at ,i und]/ood by x is ?is3 t x is our ,"l's pleasure to give him leave & lic5se1 z ,he gave him ( old to tempt ,job2 #aj ?\gh 9 my case1 because ( my wret*$ness1 ! temptation is n s %>p4 #ac4 ,x happ5$ to me to be tempt$ once 9 ?is way2 & ,i rememb] x 0 on ! day be=e ! vigil ( ,corpus ,*ri/i1--a fea/ to :i* ,i h great devotion1 ?\gh n s great z ,i ought to h4 ,! trial !n la/$ only till ! day ( ! fea/ itself4 ,b1 on o!r occasions1 x cont9u$ "o1 two1 & ev5 ?ree weeks &--,i "k n--p]haps long]4 ,b ,i 0 specially liable to x dur+ ! ,holy ,weeks1 :5 x 0 my habit to make pray] my joy4 ,!n ! devil seizes on my und]/&+ 9 a mom5t2 & occasionally1 by means ( ?+s s trivial t ,i %\ld laugh at !m at any o!r "t1 he makes x /umble ov] any?+ he likes4 ,! s\l1 laid 9 fett]s1 loses all control ov] itself1 & all p[] ( ?9k+ ( any?+ b ! absurdities he puts be=e x1 :i*1 be+ m or less unsub/antial1 inconsi/5t1 & disconnect$1 s]ve only to /ifle ! s\l1 s t x has no p[] ov] itself2 & accord+ly--s x seems to me--! devils make a football ( x1 & ! s\l is unable to escape out ( _! h&s4 ,x is impossible to describe ! suff]+s ( ! s\l 9 ?is /ate4 ,x goes ab\t 9 que/ ( relief1 & ,god suff]s x to f9d none4 ,! light ( reason1 9 ! fre$om ( its w1 rema9s1 b x is n cle>2 x seems to me z if its eyes 7 cov]$ ) a veil4 ,z a p]son :o1 hav+ travell$ (t5 by a p>ticul> road1 kn[s1 ?\gh x be night & d>k1 by 8 pa/ exp]i5ce ( x1 :]e he may /umble1 & :]e he ought to be on 8 gu>d aga9/ t risk1 because he has se5 ! place by day1 s ! s\l avoids (f5d+ ,god3 x seems to g on by habit--t is1 if we put out ( sight ! fact t our ,"l holds x by ! h&1 :i* is ! true explanation ( ! matt]4 #ad4 ,fai? is !n z dead1 & asleep1 l all ! o!r virtues2 n lo/1 h[ev]1--= ! s\l truly believes all t ! *ur* holds2 b its pr(ession ( ! fai? is h>dly m ?an an outw>d pr(ession ( ! m\?4 ,&1 on ! o!r h&1 temptations seem to press x d[n1 & make x dull1 s t its k ( ,god becomes to x z t ( some?+ :i* x he>s ( f> away4 ,s tepid is its love t1 :5 x he>s ,god spok5 (1 x li/5s & believes t ,he is :at ,he is1 because ! ,*ur* s tea*es2 b x recollects no?+ ( its own =m] exp]i5ce4 ,vocal pray] or solitude is only a great] affliction1 because ! int]ior suff]+--:5ce x comes1 x kn[s n--is un5durable1 &1 z x seems to me1 9 "s measure a c\nt]p>t ( hell4 ,s x is1 z our ,"l %[$ me 9 a vision2 #aa = ! s\l itself is !n burn+ 9 ! fire1 kn[+ n :o has k9dl$ x1 nor :5ce x comes1 nor h[ to escape x1 nor h[ to put x out3 if x seeks relief f ! fire by spiritual read+1 x _c f9d any1 j z if x c\ld n read at all4 ,on "o occasion1 x occurr$ to me to read a life ( a ,sa9t1 t ,i might =get myself1 & be refre%$ ) ! recital ( :at he _h suff]$4 ,f\r or five times1 ,i read z _m l9es2 &1 ?\gh !y 7 writt5 9 ,spani%1 ,i und]/ood !m less at ! end ?an ,i did :5 ,i began3 s ,i gave x up4 ,x s happ5$ to me on m occasions ?an "o1 b ,i h a m di/9ct recollection ( ?is4 #ae4 ,to conv]se ) any "o is worse1 = ! devil !n s5ds s (f5sive a _s ( bad temp]1 t ,i ?9k ,i c\ld eat p up2 nor c ,i help myself4 ,i feel t ,i d some?+ :5 ,i keep myself "u control2 or r our ,"l does s1 :5 ,he holds back ) ,8 h& any "o 9 ?is /ate f say+ or do+ some?+ t may be hurtful to 8 neighb\rs & (f5sive to ,god4 ,!n1 z to go+ to our confessor1 t is ( no use2 = ! c]ta9 result is--& v (t5 has x happ5$ to me--:at ,i %all n[ describe4 ,?\gh my confessors1 ) :om ,i _h to d !n1 & h to d /ill1 are s holy1 !y spoke to me & reprov$ me ) su* h>%ness1 t !y 7 a/oni%$ at x aft]w>ds :5 ,i told !m ( x4 ,!y said t !y c\ld n help !mselves2 =1 ?\gh !y _h resolv$ n to use su* language1 & ?\gh !y piti$ me also v mu*1--yea1 ev5 _h scruples on ! subject1 because ( my griev\s trials ( s\l & body1--& 71 moreov]1 det]m9$ to console me1 !y c\ld n refra94 ,!y did n use unbecom+ words--,i mean1 words (f5sive to ,god2 yet _! words 7 ! mo/ (f5sive t c\ld be borne ) 9 confession4 ,!y mu/ h aim$ at mortify+ me4 ,at o!r times1 ,i us$ to delight 9 ?is1 & 0 prep>$ to be> x2 b x 0 !n a torm5t altoge!r4 ,i us$ to ?9k1 too1 t ,i deceiv$ !m2 s ,i w5t to !m1 & caution$ !m v e>ne/ly to be on _! gu>d aga9/ me1 = x might be t ,i deceiv$ !m4 ,i saw well en\gh t ,i w\ld n d s advis$ly1 nor tell !m an untru?2 #ab b ev]y?+ made me afraid4 ,"o ( !m1 on "o occasion1 :5 he _h he>d me speak ( ?is temptation1 told me n to di/ress myself2 =1 ev5 if ,i wi%$ to deceive him1 he _h s5se en\gh n to be deceiv$4 ,?is gave me great com=t4 #af4 ,sometimes1 almo/ always1--at lea/1 v frequ5tly1--,i us$ to f9d re/ aft] ,communion2 n[ & !n1 ev51 z ,i drew ne> to ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 all at once my s\l & body w\ld be s well1 t ,i 0 amaz$4 #ac ,x seem$ to be no?+ else b an in/antane\s disp]sion ( ! d>kness t cov]$ my s\l3 :5 ! sun rose1 ,i saw h[ silly ,i _h be54 #ag4 ,on o!r occasions1 if our ,"l spoke to me b "o ^w1 say+ only1 ,be n di/ress$1 h no fe>1--z ,i said be=e1 #ad--;,i 0 made :ole at once2 or1 if ,i saw a vision1 ,i 0 z if ,i _h nev] be5 amiss4 ,i rejoic$ 9 ,god1 & made my compla9t to ,him1 because ,he p]mitt$ me to und]go su* afflictions2 yet ! recomp5se 0 great2 = almo/ always1 aft]w>ds1 ,8 m]cies desc5d$ ^u me 9 great abundance4 ,! s\l seem$ to come =? z gold out ( ! crucible1 mo/ ref9$1 & made glori\s to behold1 our ,"l dwell+ )9 x4 ,^! trials aft]w>ds are light1 ?\gh !y once seem$ to be un5durable2 & ! s\l longs to und]go !m aga91 if t be m pleas+ to our ,"l4 ,& ?\gh trials & p]secutions increase1 yet1 if we be> !m )\t (f5d+ our ,"l1 rejoic+ 9 suff]+ = ,8 sake1 x w be all ! great] ga93 ,i1 h[ev]1 d n be> !m z !y ought to be borne1 b r 9 a mo/ imp]fect way4 ,at o!r times1 my trials came ^u me--!y come /ill--9 ano!r =m2 & !n x seems to me z if ! v possibility ( ?9k+ a good ?\ght1 or desir+ ! accompli%m5t ( x1 7 utt]ly tak5 f me3 bo? s\l & body are altoge!r useless & a heavy burd54 ,h[ev]1 :5 ,i am 9 ?is /ate1 ,i d n suff] f ! o!r temptations & disquietudes1 b only f a c]ta9 loa?+ ( ,i "k n :at1 & my s\l f9ds pleasure 9 no?+4 #ah4 ,i us$ to try ext]ior good works1 9 ord] to occupy myself p>tly by viol5ce2 & ,i "k well h[ weak a s\l is :5 grace is hid+ itself4 ,x did n di/ress me mu*1 because ! sight ( my own meanness gave me "s satisfaction4 ,on o!r occasions1 ,i f9d myself unable to pray or to fix my ?\ghts ) any di/9ctness ^u ,god1 or any?+ t is good1 ?\gh ,i may be alone2 b ,i h a s5se t ,i "k ,him4 ,x is ! und]/&+ & ! imag9ation1 ,i believe1 :i* hurt me "h2 = x seems to me t ,i h a good w1 dispos$ = all good2 b ! und]/&+ is s lo/1 t x seems to be no?+ else b a rav+ lunatic1 :i* nobody c re/ra91 & ( :i* ,i am n mi/ress en\gh to keep x quiet = a m9ute4 #ae #ai4 ,sometimes ,i laugh at myself1 & recognise my wret*$ness3 ,i wat* my und]/&+1 & leave x alone to see :at x w d4 ,glory be to ,god1 = a wond]1 x nev] runs on :at is wrong1 b only on indiff]5t ?+s1 consid]+ :at is go+ on "h1 or !re1 or else:]e4 ,i see !n1 m & m1 ! exce$+ great m]cy ( our ,"l to me1 :5 ,he keeps ?is lunatic b\nd 9 ! *a9s ( p]fect contemplation4 ,i wond] :at w\ld happ5 if ^? p :o ?9k ,i am good knew ( my extravagance4 ,i am v sorry :5 ,i see my s\l 9 su* bad company2 ,i long to see x deliv]$ !refrom1 & s ,i say to our ,"l3 ,:51 ,o my ,god1 %all ,i see my :ole s\l prais+ ,!e1 t x may h ! fruition ( ,!e 9 all its faculties8 ,let me be no long]1 ,o ,"l1 ?us torn to pieces1 & e "o ( !m1 z x 71 runn+ 9 a diff]5t direction4 ,?is has be5 (t5 ! case ) me1 b ,i ?9k t my scanty bodily heal? 0 n[ & !n en\gh to br+ x ab\t4 #bj4 ,i dwell mu* on ! h>m :i* orig9al s9 has done u2 t is1 ,i believe1 :at has r5d]$ u incapable ( ! fruition ( s great a good4 ,my s9s1 too1 mu/ be 9 fault2 =1 if ,i _h n committ$ s _m1 ,i %\ld h be5 m p]fect 9 goodness4 ,ano!r great affliction :i* ,i suff]$ 0 ?is3 all ! books :i* ,i read on ! subject ( pray]1 ,i ?\ght ,i und]/ood ?or\ghly1 & t ,i requir$ !m no long]1 because our ,"l _h giv5 me ! gift ( pray]4 ,i !re=e ceas$ to read ^? books1 & appli$ myself to lives ( ,sa9ts1 ?9k+ t ?is w\ld improve me & give me c\rage2 = ,i f\nd myself v defective 9 e k9d ( s]vice :i* ! ,sa9ts r5d]$ unto ,god4 ,!n x /ruck me t ,i _h v little humility1 :5 ,i c\ld ?9k t ,i _h atta9$ to ?is degree ( pray]2 & s1 :5 ,i c\ld n come to any o!r conclusion1 ,i 0 greatly di/ress$1 until c]ta9 le>n$ p]sons1 & ! bless$ fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 told me n to tr\ble myself ab\t ! matt]4 #ba4 ,i see cle>ly en\gh t ,i h n yet begun to s]ve ,god1 ?\gh ,he %[]s d[n ^u me ^? v graces :i* ,he gives to _m good p4 ,i am a mass ( imp]fection1 except 9 desire & 9 love2 = h]e9 ,i see well t our ,"l has be5 graci\s to me1 9 ord] t ,i may please ,him 9 "s measure4 ,i really ?9k t ,i love ,him2 b my conduct1 & ! _m imp]fections ,i disc]n 9 myself1 make me sad4 #bb4 ,my s\l1 also1 is subject occasionally to a c]ta9 fooli%ness1--t is ! "r "n to give x1--:5 ,i seem to be do+ nei!r good nor evil1 b foll[+ 9 ! wake ( o!rs1 z !y say1 )\t pa9 or pleasure1 indiff]5t to life & dea?1 pleasure & pa94 ,i seem to h no feel+4 ,! s\l seems to me l a little ass1 :i* fe$s & ?rives1 because x accepts ! food :i* is giv5 x1 & eats x )\t reflection4 ,! s\l 9 ?is /ate mu/ be fe$+ on "s great m]cies ( ,god1 see+ t its mis]able life is no burd5 to x1 & t x be>s x pati5tly b x is consci\s ( no s5sible movem5ts or results1 :]eby x may asc]ta9 ! /ate x is 94 #bc4 ,x seems to me n[ l sail+ ) a v g5tle w9d1 :5 "o makes mu* way )\t kn[+ h[2 = 9 ! o!r /ates1 s great are ! effects1 t ! s\l sees almo/ at once an improvem5t 9 itself1 because ! desires in/antly are on fire1 & ! s\l is nev] satisfi$4 ,?is comes f ^? great impetuosities ( love1 spok5 ( be=e1 #af 9 ^? to :om ,god grants !m4 ,x is l ^? little wells ,i h se5 fl[+1 :]e9 ! upheav+ ( ! s& nev] ceases4 ,?is illu/ration & comp>ison seem to me to be a true description ( ^? s\ls :o atta9 to ?is /ate2 _! love is ev] active1 ?9k+ :at x may d2 x _c conta9 itself1 z ! wat] rema9s n 9 ! e>?1 b is cont9ually well+ upw>ds4 ,s is ! s\l1 9 g5]al2 x is n at re/1 nor c x conta9 itself1 because ( ! love x has3 x is s saturat$ !re)1 t x w\ld h o!rs dr9k ( x1 because !re is m ?an en\gh = itself1 9 ord] t !y might help x to praise ,god4 #bd4 ,i call to remembrance--oh1 h[ (t56--t liv+ wat] ( :i* our ,"l spoke to ! ,sam>itan woman4 ,t ,gospel #ag has a great attraction = me2 &1 inde$1 s x _h ev5 :5 ,i 0 a little *ild1 ?\gh ,i did n und]/& x !n z ,i d n[4 ,i us$ to pray mu* to our ,"l = t liv+ wat]2 & ,i _h always a picture ( x1 repres5t+ our ,"l at ! well1 ) ?is inscription1 ,dom9e1 da mihi aquam4 #ah #be4 ,?is love is also l a great fire1 :i* requires fuel cont9ually1 9 ord] t x may n burn out4 ,s ^? s\ls ,i am speak+ (1 h[ev] mu* x may co/ !m1 w always br+ fuel1 9 ord] t ! fire may n be qu5*$4 ,z = me1 ,i %\ld be glad1 consid]+ :at ,i am1 if ,i _h b /raw ev5 to ?r[ ^u x4 ,& s x is ) me occasionally--&1 inde$1 v (t54 ,at "o "t1 ,i laugh at myself2 & at ano!r1 ,i am v mu* di/ress$4 ,! inw>d /irr+ ( my love urges me to d some?+ = ! s]vice ( ,god2 & ,i am n able to d m ?an adorn images ) b\ghs & fl[]s1 clean or arrange an oratory1 or "s su* trifl+ acts1 s t ,i am a%am$ ( myself4 ,if ,i und]took any p5it5tial practice1 ! :ole 0 s slight1 & 0 done 9 su* a way1 t if our ,"l did n accept my good w1 ,i saw x 0 all wor?less1 & s ,i laugh$ at myself4 ,! failure ( bodily /r5g?1 suffici5t to d some?+ = ,god1 is no light affliction = ^? s\ls to :om ,he1 9 ,8 goodness1 has communicat$ ?is fire ( ,8 love 9 its fulness4 ,x is a v good p5ance2 = :5 s\ls are n /rong en\gh to heap fuel on ?is fire1 & die ( fe> t ! fire may g out1 x seems to me t !y become fuel !mselves1 are r$uc$ to a%es1 or dissolv$ 9 te>s1 & burn away3 & ?is is suff]+ en\gh1 ?\gh x be sweet4 #bf4 ,let him1 !n1 praise our ,"l exce$+ly1 :o has atta9$ to ?is /ate2 :o has receiv$ ! bodily /r5g? requisite = p5ance2 :o has le>n+1 ability1 & p[] to prea*1 to he> confessions1 & to draw s\ls unto ,god4 ,su* a "o nei!r kn[s nor compreh5ds ! bless+ he possesses1 unless he kn[s by exp]i5ce :at x is to be p[]less to s]ve ,god 9 any?+1 & at ! same "t to be receiv+ mu* f ,him4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]1 & may ! angels glorify ,him6 ,am54 #bg4 ,i "k n if ,i d well to write s mu* 9 detail4 ,b z y1 my fa!r1 bade me aga9 n to be tr\bl$ by ! m9ut5ess ( my acc\nt1 nor to omit any?+1 ,i g on rec\nt+ cle>ly & truly all ,i c call to m9d4 ,b ,i mu/ omit mu*2 = if ,i did n1 ,i %\ld h to sp5d m "t--&1 z ,i said be=e1 #ai ,i h s little to sp5d1 & p]haps1 aft] all1 no?+ w be ga9$4 #a4 ,*4 xxvii4 #ag1 #ah1 #ai4 #b4 ,hoja de lata1 ci]ta hoja de hi]ro muy delgada 7,cob>ruvias1 ,tesoro1 9 voce74 #c4 ,*4 xxiv4 #e4 ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa4 #d4 ,*4 xxvi4 #e4 #e4 ,*4 vii4 #ab4 #f4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #bd4 #g4 ,*4 xxiii4 #g4 #h4 ,a cu/ody is a division ( ! prov9ce1 9 ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,francis1 compris+ a c]ta9 numb] ( conv5ts4 #i4 #aj4 #aj4 ,job i4 #aa4 ,see *4 xxxii4 #a1 c4 #ab4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #f4 #ac4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 lxi4 #b2 b *4 xxxiv4 #h ( ! e>li] editions4 #ad4 ,*4 xx4 #ba1 *4 xxv4 #bb1 *4 xxvi4 #c4 #ae4 ,un ,cr$o4 #af4 ,*4 xxix4 #aa4 #ag4 ,/4 ,john iv4 #e-db3 ! ,gospel ( ,friday aft] ! ,?ird ,sunday 9 ,l5t1 :]e ! words are1 hanc aquam4 #ah4 ,"l1 give me ?is wat] 7,/4 ,john iv4 #ae74 ,see *4 i4 #f2 & ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 xxix4 #e2 *4 xix4 #e ( ! e>li] editions4 #ai4 ,*4 xiv4 #ab4 ,*apt] ,,xxxi4 ,( ,c]ta9 ,outw>d ,temptations & ,appe>ances ( ,satan4 ,( ! ,suff]+s ,!reby ,occasion$4 ,c\nsels = ,^? ,:o ,g on ,unto ,p]fection4 #a4 ,n[ t ,i h describ$ c]ta9 temptations & tr\bles1 int]ior & secret1 ( :i* ,satan 0 ! cause1 ,i w speak ( o!rs :i* he wr\ght almo/ 9 public1 & 9 :i* 8 pres5ce c\ld n be ignor$4 #a #b4 ,i 0 once 9 an oratory1 :5 ,satan1 9 an abom9able %ape1 appe>$ on my left h&4 ,i look$ at 8 m\? 9 p>ticul>1 because he spoke1 & x 0 horrible4 ,a huge flame seem$ to issue out ( 8 body1 p]fectly bright1 )\t any %ad[4 ,he spoke 9 a fe>ful way1 & said to me t1 ?\gh ,i _h escap$ out ( 8 h&s1 he w\ld yet lay hold ( me aga94 ,i 0 9 great t]ror1 made ! sign ( ! cross z well z ,i c\ld1 & !n ! =m vani%$--b x reappe>$ in/antly4 ,?is occurr$ twice2 ,i did n "k :at to d2 !re 0 "s holy wat] at h&2 ,i took "s1 & ?rew x 9 ! direction ( ! figure1 & !n ,satan nev] return$4 #c4 ,on ano!r occasion1 ,i 0 tortur$ = five h\rs ) su* t]rible pa9s1 su* inw>d & outw>d suff]+s1 t x seem$ to me z if ,i c\ld n be> !m4 ,^? :o 7 ) me 7 fright5$2 !y knew n :at to d1 & ,i c\ld n help myself4 ,i am 9 ! habit1 :5 ^! pa9s & my bodily suff]+ are mo/ un5durable1 to make int]ior acts z well z ,i c1 implor+ our ,"l1 if x be ,8 w1 to give me pati5ce1 & !n to let me suff] on1 ev5 to ! end ( ! _w4 ,s1 :5 ,i f\nd myself suff]+ s cruelly1 ,i reliev$ myself by mak+ ^? acts & resolutions1 9 ord] t ,i might be able to endure ! pa94 ,x pleas$ our ,"l to let me und]/& t x 0 ! "w ( ,satan2 = ,i saw close beside me a mo/ frightful little negro1 gna%+ 8 tee? 9 despair at los+ :at he attempt$ to seize4 ,:5 ,i saw him1 ,i laugh$1 & _h no fe>2 = !re 7 "s !n pres5t :o 7 helpless1 & knew ( no means :]eby s great a pa9 c\ld be reliev$4 ,my body1 head1 & arms 7 viol5tly %ak52 ,i c\ld n help myself3 b ! wor/ ( all 0 ! int]ior pa91 = ,i c\ld f9d no ease 9 any way4 ,nor did ,i d>e to ask = holy wat]1 le/ ^? :o 7 ) me %\ld be afraid1 & f9d out :at ! matt] really 04 #d4 ,i "k by frequ5t exp]i5ce t !re is no?+ :i* puts ! devils to flight l holy wat]4 ,!y run away be=e ! sign ( ! cross also1 b !y return imm$iately3 great1 !n1 mu/ be ! p[] ( holy wat]4 ,z = me1 my s\l is consci\s ( a special & mo/ di/9ct consolation :5ev] ,i take x4 ,inde$1 ,i feel almo/ always a c]ta9 refre%+1 :i* ,i _c describe1 toge!r ) an inw>d joy1 :i* com=ts my :ole s\l4 ,?is is no fancy1 nor a ?+ :i* has occurr$ once only2 = x has happ5$ v (t51 & ,i h wat*$ x v c>efully4 ,i may comp>e :at ,i feel ) t :i* happ5s to a p]son 9 great heat1 & v ?ir/y1 dr9k+ a cup ( cold wat]--8 :ole be+ is refre%$4 ,i consid] t ev]y?+ orda9$ by ! ,*ur* is v important2 & ,i h a joy 9 reflect+ t ! words ( ! ,*ur* are s mighty1 t !y end[ wat] ) p[]1 s t !re %all be s great a diff]5ce betwe5 holy wat] & wat] t has nev] be5 bless$4 ,!n1 z my pa9s did n cease1 ,i told !m1 if !y w\ld n laugh1 ,i w\ld ask = "s holy wat]4 ,!y br\ght me "s1 & spr9kl$ me ) x2 b ,i 0 no bett]4 ,i !n ?rew "s myself 9 ! direction ( ! negro1 :5 he fl$ 9 a mom5t4 ,all my suff]+s ceas$1 j z if "s "o _h tak5 !m f me ) 8 h&2 only ,i 0 we>i$1 z if ,i _h be5 beat5 ) _m bl[s4 ,x 0 ( great s]vice to me to le>n t if1 by our ,"l's p]mission1 ,satan c d s mu* evil to a s\l & body n 9 8 p[]1 he c d mu* m :5 he has !m 9 8 possession4 ,x gave me a r5ew$ desire to be deliv]$ f a fell[%ip s dang]\s4 #e4 ,ano!r "t1 & n long ago1 ! same ?+ happ5$ to me1 ?\gh x did n la/ s long1 & ,i 0 alone at ! mom5t4 ,i ask$ = holy wat]2 & !y :o came 9 aft] ! devil _h gone away1--!y 7 two nuns1 wor?y ( all cr$it1 & w\ld n tell a lie = any?+1--p]ceiv$ a mo/ (f5sive smell1 l t ( brim/one4 ,i smelt no?+ myself2 b ! od\r la/$ long en\gh to become s5sible to !m4 #f4 ,on ano!r occasion1 ,i 0 9 *oir1 :51 9 a mom5t1 ,i became pr(\ndly recollect$4 ,i w5t out 9 ord] t ! si/]s might "k no?+ ( x2 yet ^? :o 7 ne> he>d ! s\nd ( heavy bl[s :]e ,i 01 & ,i he>d voices myself1 z ( p]sons 9 consultation1 b ,i did n he> :at !y said3 ,i 0 s absorb$ 9 pray] t ,i und]/ood no?+1 nei!r 0 ,i at all afraid4 ,?is took place almo/ always :5 our ,"l 0 pleas$ t "s s\l or o!r1 p]suad$ by me1 advanc$ 9 ! spiritual life4 ,c]ta9ly1 :at ,i am n[ ab\t to describe happ5$ to me once2 !re are witnesses to te/ify to x1 p>ticul>ly my pres5t confessor1 = he saw ! acc\nt 9 a lett]4 ,i did n tell him f :om ! lett] came1 b he knew p]fectly :o ! p]son 04 #g4 ,!re came to me a p]son :o1 = two ye>s & a half1 _h be5 liv+ 9 mortal s9 ( ! mo/ abom9able nature ,i ev] he>d4 ,dur+ ! :ole ( t "t1 he nei!r confess$ x nor ceas$ f x2 & yet he said ,mass4 ,he confess$ 8 o!r s9s b ( ?is "o he us$ to say1 ,h[ c ,i confess s f\l a s98 ,he wi%$ to give x up1 b he c\ld n prevail on himself to d s4 ,i 0 v sorry = him1 & x 0 a great grief to me to see ,god (f5d$ 9 su* a way4 ,i promis$ him t ,i w\ld pray to ,god = 8 am5dm5t1 & get o!rs :o 7 bett] ?an ,i to d ! same4 ,i wrote to "o p]son1 & ! prie/ und]took to get ! lett] deliv]$4 ,x came to pass t he made a full confession at ! fir/ opportunity2 = our ,"l ,god 0 pleas$1 on acc\nt ( ! pray]s ( ^? mo/ holy p]sons to :om ,i _h recomm5d$ him1 to h pity on ?is s\l4 ,i1 too1 wret*$ z ,i am1 did all ,i c\ld = ! same end4 #h4 ,he wrote to me1 & said t he 0 s f> improv$1 t he _h n = "s days repeat$ 8 s92 b he 0 s torm5t$ by ! temptation1 t x seem$ to him z if he 7 9 hell already1 s great 7 8 suff]+s4 ,he ask$ me to pray to ,god = him4 ,i recomm5d$ him to my si/]s1 ?r\gh ^: pray]s ,i mu/ h obta9$ ?is m]cy f our ,"l2 = !y took ! matt] greatly to he>t2 & he 0 a p]son :om no "o c\ld f9d out4 ,i implor$ ,8 ,maje/y to put an end to ^! torm5ts & temptations1 & to let ! evil spirits torm5t me in/ead1 provid$ ,i did n (f5d our ,"l4 ,?us x 0 t = "o mon? ,i 0 mo/ griev\sly torm5t$2 & !n x 0 t ^! two assaults ( ,satan1 ( :i* ,i h j spok51 took place4 #i4 ,our ,"l 0 pleas$ to deliv] him out ( ?is temptation1 s ,i 0 in=m$2 = ,i told him :at happ5$ to myself t mon?4 ,8 s\l ga9$ /r5g?1 & he cont9u$ free2 he c\ld nev] give ?anks en\gh to our ,"l & to me z if ,i _h be5 ( any s]vice--unless x be t ! belief he _h t our ,"l grant$ me su* graces 0 ( "s advantage to him4 ,he said t1 :5 he saw himself 9 great /raits1 he w\ld read my lett]s1 & !n ! temptation left him4 ,he 0 v mu* a/oni%$ at my suff]+s1 & at ! mann] ( 8 own deliv]ance3 ev5 ,i myself am a/oni%$1 & ,i w\ld suff] z mu* = _m ye>s = ! deliv]ance ( t s\l4 ,may our ,"l be prais$ = ev]6 = ! pray]s ( ^? :o s]ve ,him c d great ?+s2 & ,i believe ! si/]s ( ?is h\se d s]ve ,him4 ,! devils mu/ h be5 m angry ) me only because ,i ask$ !m to pray1 & because our ,"l p]mitt$ x on acc\nt ( my s9s4 ,at t "t1 too1 ,i ?\ght ! evil spirits w\ld h suffocat$ me "o night1 & :5 ! si/]s ?rew mu* holy wat] ab\t ,i saw a great troop ( !m ru% away z if tumbl+ ov] a precipice4 ,^! curs$ spirits h torm5t$ me s (t51 & ,i am n[ s little afraid ( !m1--because ,i see !y _c /ir )\t our ,"l's p]mission1--t ,i %\ld we>y bo? y1 my fa!r1 & myself1 if ,i 7 to speak ( ^! ?+s 9 detail4 #aj4 ,may ?is ,i h writt5 be ( use to ! true s]vant ( ,god1 :o ought to despise ^! t]rors1 :i* ,satan s5ds only to make him afraid6 ,let him und]/& t ea* "t we despise ^? t]rors1 _! =ce is less5$1 & ! s\l ga9s p[] ov] !m4 ,!re is always "s great good obta9$2 b ,i w n speak ( x1 t ,i may n be too diffuse4 ,i w speak1 h[ev]1 ( :at happ5$ to me once on ! night ( ,all ,s\ls4 ,i 0 9 an oratory1 &1 hav+ said "o ,nocturn1 0 say+ "s v devotional pray]s at ! end ( our ,brevi>y1 :5 ,satan put himself on ! book be=e me1 to prev5t my f9i%+ my pray]4 ,i made ! sign ( ! cross1 & he w5t away4 ,i !n return$ to my pray]1 & he1 too1 came back2 he did s1 ,i believe1 ?ree times1 & ,i 0 n able to f9i% ! pray] )\t ?r[+ holy wat] at him4 ,i saw c]ta9 s\ls at t mom5t come =? out ( purgatory--!y mu/ h be5 ne> _! deliv]ance1 & ,i ?\ght t ,satan might 9 ?is way h be5 try+ to h9d] _! release4 ,x is v r>ely t ,i saw ,satan assume a bodily =m2 ,i "k ( 8 pres5ce ?r\gh ! vision ,i h spok5 ( be=e1 #b ! vision :]e9 no =m is se54 #aa4 ,i wi% also to relate :at foll[s1 = ,i 0 greatly al>m$ at x3 on ,tr9ity ,sunday1 9 ! *oir ( a c]ta9 mona/]y1 & 9 a trance1 ,i saw a great fight betwe5 evil spirits & ! angels4 ,i c\ld n make out :at ! vision meant4 ,9 less ?an a =tnight1 x 0 expla9$ cle>ly en\gh by ! dispute t took place betwe5 p]sons giv5 to pray] & _m :o 7 n1 :i* did great h>m to t h\se2 = x 0 a dispute t la/$ long & caus$ mu* tr\ble4 ,on ano!r occasion1 ,i saw a great multitude ( evil spirits r\nd ab\t me1 &1 at ! same "t1 a great light1 9 :i* ,i 0 envelop$1 :i* kept !m f com+ ne> me4 ,i und]/ood x to mean t ,god 0 wat*+ ov] me1 t !y might n approa* me s z to make me (f5d ,him4 ,i knew ! vision 0 real by :at ,i saw occasionally 9 myself4 ,! fact is1 ,i "k n[ h[ little p[] ! evil spirits h1 provid$ ,i am n out ( ! grace ( ,god2 ,i h sc>cely any fe> ( !m at all1 = _! /r5g? is z no?+1 if !y d n f9d ! s\ls !y assail give up ! conte/1 & become c[>ds2 x is 9 ?is case t !y %[ _! p[]4 #ab4 ,n[ & !n1 dur+ ! temptations ,i am speak+ (1 x seem$ to me z if all my vanity & weakness 9 times pa/ _h become alive aga9 )9 me2 s ,i _h reason en\gh to commit myself into ! h&s ( ,god4 ,!n ,i 0 torm5t$ by ! ?\ght t1 z ^! ?+s came back to my memory1 ,i mu/ be utt]ly 9 ! p[] ( ,satan1 until my confessor consol$ me2 = ,i imag9$ t ev5 ! fir/ movem5t t[>ds an evil ?\ght ought n to h come ne> "o :o _h receiv$ f our ,"l su* great graces z ,i _h4 #ac4 ,at o!r times1 ,i 0 mu* torm5t$--& ev5 n[ ,i am torm5t$--:5 ,i saw p make mu* ( me1 p>ticul>ly great p1 & :5 !y spake well ( me4 ,i h suff]$1 & /ill suff]1 mu* 9 ?is way4 ,i ?9k at once ( ! life ( ,*ri/ & ( ! ,sa9ts1 & !n my life seems ! rev]se ( !irs1 = !y receiv$ no?+ b contempt & ill-treatm5t4 ,all ?is makes me afraid2 ,i d>e n lift up my head1 & ,i wi% nobody saw me at all4 ,x is n ?us ) me :5 ,i am p]secut$2 !n my s\l is s consci\s ( /r5g?1 ?\gh ! body suff]s1 & ?\gh ,i am 9 o!r ways afflict$1 t ,i d n "k h[ ?is c be2 b s x is1--& my s\l seems !n to be a que5 9 its k+dom1 hav+ ev]y?+ "u its feet4 #ad4 ,i _h su* a ?\ght n[ & !n--&1 inde$1 = _m days toge!r4 ,i reg>d$ x z a sign ( virtue & ( humility2 b ,i see cle>ly n[ x 0 no?+ else b a temptation4 ,a ,dom9ican fri>1 ( great le>n+1 %[$ x to me v pla9ly4 ,:5 ,i consid]$ t ! graces :i* our ,"l _h be/[$ ^u me might come to ! k ( ! public1 my suff]+s became s excessive z greatly to di/urb my s\l4 ,!y w5t s f>1 t ,i made up my m9d1 :ile ?9k+ ( x1 t ,i w\ld r be buri$ alive ?an h ^! ?+s kn[n4 ,& s1 :5 ,i began to be pr(\ndly recollect$1 or to fall into a trance1 :i* ,i c\ld n resi/ ev5 9 public1 ,i 0 s a%am$ ( myself1 t ,i w\ld n appe> :]e p might see me4 #ae4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 mu* di/ress$ at ?is1 our ,"l said to me1 ,:at 0 ,i afraid (8 "o ( two ?+s mu/ happ5--p w\ld ei!r speak ill ( me1 or give glory to ,him4 ,he made me und]/& by ?is1 t ^? :o believ$ 9 ! tru? ( :at 0 go+ on 9 me w\ld glorify ,him2 & t ^? :o did n w\ld condemn me )\t cause3 9 bo? ways ,i %\ld be ! ga9]1 & ,i 0 !re=e n to di/ress myself4 #c ,?is made me q calm1 & x com=ts me :5ev] ,i ?9k ( x4 #af4 ,?is temptation became s excessive1 t ,i wi%$ to leave ! h\se1 & take my d[] to ano!r mona/]y1 :]e enclosure 0 m /rictly obs]v$ ?an 9 t :]e9 ,i 0 at ?is "t4 ,i _h he>d great ?+s ( t o!r h\se1 :i* 0 ( ! same ,ord] z m9e2 x 0 also at a great di/ance1 & x w\ld h be5 a great consolation to me to live :]e ,i 0 n kn[n2 b my confessor w\ld nev] let me g4 ,^! fe>s depriv$ me 9 a great measure ( all lib]ty ( _s2 & ,i und]/ood aft]w>ds t ?is 0 n true humility1 because x di/urb$ me s mu*4 ,& our ,"l taught me ?is tru?2 if ,i 0 conv9c$1 & c]ta9ly p]suad$1 t all t 0 good 9 me came :olly & only f ,god1 & if x did n di/ress me to he> ! praises ( o!rs1--yea1 r1 if ,i 0 pleas$ & com=t$ :5 ,i saw t ,god 0 work+ 9 !m1--!n nei!r %\ld ,i be di/ress$ if ,he %[$ =? ,8 works 9 me4 #ag4 ,i fell1 too1 into ano!r extreme4 ,i begg$ ( ,god1 & made x a p>ticul> subject ( pray]1 t x might please ,8 ,maje/y1 :5ev] any "o saw any good 9 me1 t su* a "o might also become acqua9t$ ) my s9s1 9 ord] t he might see t ,8 graces 7 be/[$ on me )\t any m]it on my "p3 & ,i always greatly desire ?is4 ,my confessor told me n to d x4 ,b almo/ to ?is day1 if ,i saw t any "o ?\ght well ( me1 ,i us$ 9 a r\ndab\t way1 or any h[1 z ,i c\ld1 to contrive he %\ld "k ( my s9s3 #d t seem$ to relieve me4 ,b !y h made me v scrupul\s on ?is po9t4 ,?is1 x appe>s to me1 0 n an effect ( humility1 b (t5times ! result ( temptation4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i 0 deceiv+ ev]ybody--?\gh1 9 tru?1 !y deceiv$ !mselves1 by ?9k+ t !re 0 any good 9 me4 #e ,i did n wi% to deceive !m1 nor did ,i ev] attempt x1 only our ,"l p]mitt$ x = "s end2 & s1 ev5 ) my confessors1 ,i nev] discuss$ any ( ^! matt]s if ,i did n see ! necessity ( x1 = t w\ld h occasion$ v consid]able scruples4 #ah4 ,all ^! little fe>s & di/resses1 & semblance ( humility1 ,i n[ see cle>ly 7 m]e imp]fections1 & ! result ( my unmortifi$ life2 = a s\l left 9 ! h&s ( ,god c>es no?+ ab\t evil or good report1 if x cle>ly compreh5ds1 :5 our ,"l is pleas$ to be/[ ^u x ,8 grace1 t x has no?+ ( its own4 ,let x tru/ ! ,giv]2 x w "k h]eaft] :y ,he reveals ,8 gifts1 & prep>e itself = p]secution1 :i* 9 ^! times is sure to come1 :5 x is our ,"l's w x %\ld be kn[n ( any "o t ,he be/[s ^u him graces su* z ^!2 = a ?\s& eyes are wat*+ t s\l1 :ile a ?\s& s\ls ( ano!r ord] are obs]v$ ( none4 ,9 tru?1 !re 0 no little gr\nd = fe>1 & t fe> %\ld h be5 m9e3 ,i 0 !re=e n humble1 b a c[>d2 = a s\l :i* ,god p]mits to be ?us se5 ( m5 may well prep>e itself to be ! _w's m>tyr--because1 if x w n die to ! _w volunt>ily1 t v _w w kill x4 #ai4 ,c]ta9ly1 ,i see no?+ 9 ! _w t seems to me good except ?is1 t x tol]ates no faults 9 good p1 & helps !m to p]fection by d9t ( compla9ts aga9/ !m4 ,i mean1 t x requires great] c\rage 9 "o n yet p]fect to walk 9 ! way ( p]fection ?an to und]go an in/ant m>tyrdom2 = p]fection is n atta9$ to at once1 unless our ,"l grant t grace by a special privilege3 yet ! _w1 :5 x sees any "o beg9n+ to travel on t road1 insi/s on 8 becom+ p]fect at once1 & a ?\s& leagues (f detects 9 him a fault1 :i* aft] all may be a virtue4 ,he :o f9ds fault is do+ ! v same ?+1--b1 9 8 own case1 vici\sly1--& he pron\nces x to be s wrong 9 ! o!r4 ,he :o aims at p]fection1 !n1 mu/ nei!r eat nor sleep1--nor1 z !y say1 ev5 brea!2 & ! m m5 respect su* a "o1 ! m d !y =get t he is /ill 9 ! body2 &1 ?\gh !y may consid] him p]fect1 he is liv+ on ! e>?1 subject to its mis]ies1 h[ev] mu* he may tread !m "u 8 feet4 ,& s1 z ,i h j said1 great c\rage is necess>y "h =1 ?\gh ! poor s\l h n yet begun to walk1 ! _w w h x fly2 &1 ?\gh its passions be n :olly ov]come1 m5 w h x t !y mu/ be "u re/ra9t1 ev5 ^u try+ occasions1 z ^? ( ! ,sa9ts are1 ( :om !y read1 aft] !y are confirm$ 9 grace4 #bj4 ,all ?is is a reason = prais+ ,god1 & also = great sorr[ ( he>t1 because v _m g backw>ds :o1 poor s\ls1 "k n h[ to help !mselves2 & ,i too1 ,i believe1 w\ld h gone back also1 if our ,"l _h n s m]cifully on ,8 "p done ev]y?+ = me4 ,& until ,he1 ( ,8 goodness1 _h done all1 no?+ 0 done by me1 z y1 my fa!r1 may h se5 already1 beyond fall+ & ris+ aga94 ,i wi% ,i knew h[ to expla9 x1 because _m s\ls1 ,i believe1 delude !mselves 9 ?is matt]2 !y w\ld fly be=e ,god gives !m w+s4 #ba4 ,i believe ,i h made ?is comp>ison on ano!r occasion1 #f b x is to ! purpose "h1 = ,i see c]ta9 s\ls are v greatly afflict$ on t gr\nd4 ,:5 ^! s\ls beg91 ) great f]v\r1 c\rage1 & desire1 to advance 9 virtue1--"s ( !m1 at lea/ outw>dly1 giv+ up all = ,god1--:5 !y see 9 o!rs1 m advanc$ ?an !mselves1 great] fruits ( virtue giv5 !m by our ,"l1--= we _c acquire ^! ( ourselves1--:5 !y see 9 all ! books writt5 on pray] & on contemplation an acc\nt ( :at we h to d 9 ord] to atta9 !reto1 b :i* !y _c accompli% !mselves1--!y lose he>t4 ,= in/ance1 !y read t we mu/ n be tr\bl$ :5 m5 speak ill ( u1 t we are to be !n m pleas$ ?an :5 !y speak well ( u2 t we mu/ despise our own good "n1 be deta*$ f our k9dr$2 avoid _! company1 :i* %\ld be we>isome to u1 unless !y be giv5 to pray]2 ) _m o!r ?+s ( ! same k9d4 ,! disposition to practise ?is mu/ be1 9 my op9ion1 ! gift ( ,god2 = x seems to me a sup]natural good1 contr>y to our natural incl9ations4 ,let !m n di/ress !mselves2 let !m tru/ 9 our ,"l3 :at !y n[ desire1 ,8 ,maje/y w enable !m to atta9 to by pray]1 & by do+ :at !y c !mselves2 = x is v necess>y = our weak nature t we %\ld h great confid5ce1 t we %\ld n be fa9!>t$1 nor suppose t1 if we d our be/1 we %all fail to obta9 ! victory at la/4 ,& z my exp]i5ce "h is l>ge1 ,i w say1 by way ( caution to y1 my fa!r1 d n ?9k--?\gh x may seem s--t a virtue is acquir$ :5 we h n te/$ x by its oppos+ vice3 we mu/ always be suspici\s ( ourselves1 & nev] neglig5t :ile we live2 = mu* evil cl+s to u if1 z ,i said be=e1 #g grace be n giv5 to u fully to und]/& :at ev]y?+ is3 & 9 ?is life !re is no?+ )\t great risks4 #bb4 ,i ?\ght a few ye>s ago1 n only t ,i 0 deta*$ f my k9dr$1 b t !y 7 a burd5 to me2 & c]ta9ly x 0 s1 = ,i c\ld n endure _! conv]sation4 ,an affair ( "s importance _h to be settl$1 & ,i _h to rema9 ) a si/] ( m9e1 = :om ,i _h always be=e _h a great affection4 ,! conv]sation we _h toge!r1 ?\gh %e is bett] ?an ,i am1 did n please me2 = x c\ld n always be on subjects ,i pref]r$1 ow+ to ! diff]5ce ( our conditions--%e be+ m>ri$4 ,i 0 !re=e z mu* alone z ,i c\ld2 yet ,i felt t h] tr\bles gave me m tr\ble ?an did ^? ( my neighb\rs1 & ev5 "s anxiety4 ,9 %ort1 ,i f\nd out t ,i 0 n s deta*$ z ,i ?\ght1 & t x 0 necess>y = me to flee f dang]\s occasions1 9 ord] t ! virtue :i* our ,"l _h begun to implant 9 me might gr[2 & s1 by ,8 help1 ,i h /riv5 to d f t "t till n[4 #bc4 ,if our ,"l be/[s any virtue ^u u1 we mu/ make mu* ( x1 & by no means run ! risk ( los+ x2 s x is 9 ^? ?+s :i* conc]n our good "n1 & _m o!r matt]s4 ,y1 my fa!r1 mu/ believe t we are n all ( u deta*$1 ?\gh we ?9k we are2 x is necess>y = u nev] to be c>eless on ?is po9t4 ,if any "o detects 9 himself any t5d]ness ab\t 8 good "n1 & yet wi%es to advance 9 ! spiritual life1 let him believe me & ?r[ ?is emb>rassm5t beh9d 8 back1 = x is a *a9 :i* no file c sev]2 only ! help ( ,god1 obta9$ by pray] & mu* /riv+ on 8 "p1 c d x4 ,x seems to me to be a h9drance on ! road1 & ,i am a/oni%$ at ! h>m x does4 ,i see "s p]sons s holy 9 _! works1 & !y are s great z to fill p ) wond]4 ,o my ,god1 :y is _! s\l /ill on ! e>?8 ,:y has x n arriv$ at ! summit ( p]fection8 ,:at does x mean8 ,:at keeps him back :o does s mu* = ,god8 ,oh1 !re x is6--self-respect6 & ! wor/ ( x is1 t ^! p]sons w n admit t !y h x1 m]ely because ,satan n[ & !n conv9ces !m t !y are "u an obligation to obs]ve x4 #bd4 ,well1 !n1 let !m believe me3 = ! love ( our ,"l1 let !m give he$ to ! little ant1 :o speaks because x is ,8 pleasure4 ,if !y take n ?is cat]pill> away1 ?\gh x does n hurt ! :ole tree1 because "s virtues rema91 ! worm w eat into e "o ( !m4 ,n only is ! tree n beautiful1 b x also nev] ?rives1 nei!r does x suff] ! o!rs ne> x to ?rive2 = ! fruit ( good example :i* x be>s is n s\nd1 & endures b a %ort "t4 ,i say x aga9 & aga91 let our self-respect be ev] s slight1 x w h ! same result z ! miss+ ( a note on ! organ :5 x is play$1--! :ole music is out ( tune4 ,x is a ?+ :i* hurts ! s\l exce$+ly 9 e way1 b x is a pe/il5ce 9 ! way ( pray]4 #be4 ,are we /riv+ aft] union ) ,god8 & d we wi% to foll[ ! c\nsels ( ,*ri/1--:o 0 load$ ) reproa*es & falsely accus$1--&1 at ! same "t1 to keep our own reputation & cr$it unt\*$8 ,we _c succe$1 = ^! ?+s are inconsi/5t "o ) ano!r4 ,our ,"l comes to ! s\l :5 we d viol5ce to ourselves1 & /rive to give up our rights 9 _m ?+s4 ,"s w say1 ,i h no?+ t ,i c give up1 nor h ,i any opportunity ( do+ s4 ,i believe t our ,"l w nev] suff] any "o :o has made s good a resolution z ?is to miss s great a bless+4 ,8 ,maje/y w make s _m arrangem5ts = him1 :]eby he may acquire ?is virtue1--m frequ5tly1 p]haps1 ?an he w l4 ,let him put 8 h& to ! "w4 ,i speak ( ! little no?+s & trifles :i* ,i gave up :5 ,i began--or1 at lea/1 ( "s ( !m3 ! /raws :i* ,i said #h ,i ?rew into ! fire2 = ,i am n able to d m4 ,all ?is our ,"l accept$3 may ,he be bless$ = ev]more6 #bf4 ,"o ( my faults 0 ?is3 ,i _h a v imp]fect k ( my ,brevi>y & ( my duties 9 *oir1 simply because ,i 0 c>eless & giv5 to vanities2 & ,i knew ! o!r novices c\ld h taught me4 ,b ,i nev] ask$ !m1 t !y might n "k h[ little ,i knew4 ,x sugge/$ itself to me at once1 t ,i ought to set a good example3 ?is is v common4 ,n[1 h[ev]1 t ,god has op5$ my eyes a little1 ev5 :5 ,i "k a ?+1 b yet am v slightly 9 d\bt ab\t x1 ,i ask ! *ildr54 ,i h lo/ nei!r hon\r nor cr$it by x--on ! contr>y1 ,i believe our ,"l has be5 pleas$ to /r5g!n my memory4 ,my s++ ( ! ,(fice 0 bad1 & ,i felt x mu* if ,i _h n le>n$ ! "p intru/$ to me1--n because ,i made mi/akes be=e our ,"l1 :i* w\ld h be5 a virtue1 b because ,i made !m be=e ! _m nuns :o he>d me4 ,i 0 s full ( my own reputation1 t ,i 0 di/urb$1 & !re=e did n s+ :at ,i _h to s+ ev5 s well z ,i might h done4 ,aft]w>ds1 ,i v5tur$1 :5 ,i did n "k x v well1 to say s4 ,at fir/1 ,i felt x v mu*2 b aft]w>ds ,i f\nd pleasure 9 do+ x4 ,s1 :5 ,i began to be indiff]5t ab\t its be+ kn[n t ,i c\ld n s+ well1 x gave me no pa9 at all1 & ,i sang mu* bett]4 ,?is mis]able self-e/eem took f me ! p[] ( do+ t :i* ,i reg>d$ z an hon\r1 = e "o reg>ds z hon\rable t :i* he likes4 #bg4 ,by trifles su* z ^!1 :i* are no?+1--& ,i am altoge!r no?+ myself1 see+ t ?is gave me pa91--by little & little1 do+ su* actions1 & by su* slight p]=mances1--!y become ( wor? because done = ,god1--,8 ,maje/y helps u on t[>ds great] ?+s2 & s x happ5$ to me 9 ! matt] ( humility4 ,:5 ,i saw t all ! nuns except myself 7 mak+ great progress1--,i 0 always myself good = no?+1--,i us$ to fold up _! mantles :5 !y left ! *oir4 ,i look$ on myself z do+ s]vice to angels :o _h be5 !re prais+ ,god4 ,i did s till !y--,i "k n h[--f\nd x out2 & !n ,i 0 n a little a%am$1 because my virtue 0 n /rong en\gh to be> t !y %\ld "k ( x4 ,b ! %ame arose1 n because ,i 0 humble1 b because ,i 0 afraid !y w\ld laugh at me1 ! matt] be+ s trifl+4 #bh4 ,o ,"l1 :at a %ame = me to lay b>e s mu* wick$ness1 & to numb] ^! gra9s ( s&1 :i* yet ,i did n raise up f ! gr\nd 9 ,?y s]vice )\t mix+ !m ) a ?\s& meannesses6 ,! wat]s ( ,?y grace 7 n z yet fl[+ b5ea? !m1 s z to make !m asc5d upw>ds4 ,o my ,creator1 oh1 t ,i _h any?+ wor? rec\nt+ amid s _m evil ?+s1 :5 ,i am rec\nt+ ! great m]cies ,i receiv$ at ,?y h&s6 ,s x is1 ,o my ,"l4 ,i "k n h[ my he>t c\ld h borne x1 nor h[ any "o :o %all read ?is c help hav+ me 9 abhorr5ce :5 he sees t m]cies s great _h be5 s ill-requit$1 & t ,i h n be5 a%am$ to speak ( ^! s]vices4 ,ah6 !y are only m9e1 ,o my ,"l2 b ,i am a%am$ ,i h no?+ else to say ( myself2 & t x is t makes me speak ( ^! wret*$ beg9n+s1 9 ord] t he :o has begun m nobly may h hope t our ,"l1 :o has made mu* ( m9e1 w make m ( 84 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y to give me ?is grace1 t ,i may n rema9 = ev] at ! beg9n+6 ,am54 #i #a4 #b ,cor4 ii4 #aa3 ,non enim ignoramus cogitationes ejus4 #b4 ,*4 xxvii4 #d4 #c4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 *4 iv4 #ab4 #d4 ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 lxv4 #b2 b *4 xxxvi4 ( ! previ\s editions4 #e4 ,see *4 x4 #aj4 #f4 ,*4 xiii4 #c4 #g4 ,*4 xx4 #ch4 #h4 ,*4 xxx4 #be4 #i4 ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te ?9ks ! fir/ ,life end$ "h2 t :i* foll[s 0 writt5 "u ob$i5ce to h] confessor1 ,f4 ,g>cia ( ,tol$o1 & aft] ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 ,avila4 ,*apt] ,,xxxii4 ,our ,"l ,%[s ,/4 ,t]esa ! ,place ,:i* ,%e ,_h by ,h] ,s9s ,des]v$ 9 ,hell4 ,! ,torm5ts ,!re4 ,h[ ! ,mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph ,0 ,f\nd$4 #a4 ,"s consid]able "t aft] our ,"l _h be/[$ ^u me ! graces ,i h be5 describ+1 & o!rs also ( a high] nature1 ,i 0 "o day 9 pray] :5 ,i f\nd myself 9 a mom5t1 )\t kn[+ h[1 plung$ app>5tly into hell4 ,i und]/ood t x 0 our ,"l's w ,i %\ld see ! place :i* ! devils kept 9 read9ess = me1 & :i* ,i _h des]v$ by my s9s4 ,x 0 b a mom5t1 b x seems to me impossible ,i %\ld ev] =get x ev5 if ,i 7 to live _m ye>s4 #b4 ,! entrance seem$ to be by a long n>r[ pass1 l a furnace1 v l[1 d>k1 & close4 ,! gr\nd seem$ to be saturat$ ) wat]1 m]e mud1 exce$+ly f\l1 s5d+ =? pe/il5tial od\rs1 & cov]$ ) loa?some v]m94 ,at ! end 0 a holl[ place 9 ! wall1 l a closet1 & 9 t ,i saw myself conf9$4 ,all ?is 0 ev5 pleasant to behold 9 comp>ison ) :at ,i felt !re4 ,!re is no exagg]ation 9 :at ,i am say+4 #c4 ,b z to :at ,i !n felt1 ,i d n "k :]e to beg91 if ,i 7 to describe x2 x is utt]ly inexplicable4 ,i felt a fire 9 my s\l4 ,i _c see h[ x is possible to describe x4 ,my bodily suff]+s 7 un5durable4 ,i h und]gone mo/ pa9ful suff]+s 9 ?is life1 &1 z ! physicians say1 ! greate/ t c be borne1 su* z ! contraction ( my s9ews :5 ,i 0 p>alys$1 #a )\t speak+ ( o!rs ( diff]5t k9ds1 yea1 ev5 ^? ( :i* ,i h also spok51 #b inflict$ on me by ,satan2 yet all ^! 7 z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) :at ,i felt !n1 especially :5 ,i saw t !re w\ld be no int]mission1 nor any end to !m4 #d4 ,^! suff]+s 7 no?+ 9 comp>ison ) ! angui% ( my s\l1 a s5se ( oppression1 ( /ifl+1 & ( pa9 s ke51 accompani$ by s hopeless & cruel an infliction1 t ,i "k n h[ to speak ( x4 ,if ,i said t ! s\l is cont9ually be+ torn f ! body1 x w\ld be no?+1 = t implies ! de/ruction ( life by ! h&s ( ano!r b "h x is ! s\l itself t is te>+ itself 9 pieces4 ,i _c describe t inw>d fire or t despair1 surpass+ all torm5ts & all pa94 ,i did n see :o x 0 t torm5t$ me1 b ,i felt myself on fire1 & torn to pieces1 z x seem$ to me2 &1 ,i repeat x1 ?is inw>d fire & despair are ! greate/ torm5ts ( all4 #e4 ,left 9 t pe/il5tial place1 & utt]ly )\t ! p[] to hope = com=t1 ,i c\ld nei!r sit nor lie d[n3 !re 0 no room4 ,i 0 plac$ z x 7 9 a hole 9 ! wall2 & ^? walls1 t]rible to look on ( !mselves1 hemm$ me 9 on e side4 ,i c\ld n brea!4 ,!re 0 no light1 b all 0 ?ick d>kness4 ,i d n und]/& h[ x is2 ?\gh !re 0 no light1 yet ev]y?+ t c give pa9 by be+ se5 0 visible4 #f4 ,our ,"l at t "t w\ld n let me see m ( hell4 ,aft]w>ds1 ,i _h ano!r mo/ fe>ful vision1 9 :i* ,i saw ! puni%m5t ( c]ta9 s9s4 ,!y 7 mo/ horrible to look at2 b1 because ,i felt none ( ! pa91 my t]ror 0 n s great4 ,9 ! =m] vision1 our ,"l made me really feel ^? torm5ts1 & t angui% ( _s1 j z if ,i _h be5 suff]+ !m 9 ! body !re4 ,i "k n h[ x 01 b ,i und]/ood di/9ctly t x 0 a great m]cy t our ,"l w\ld h me see ) m9e own eyes ! v place f :i* ,8 compassion sav$ me4 ,i h li/5$ to p speak+ ( ^! ?+s1 & ,i h at o!r times dwelt on ! v>i\s torm5ts ( hell1 ?\gh n (t51 because my s\l made no progress by ! way ( fe>2 & ,i h read ( ! div]se tortures1 & h[ ! devils te> ! fle% ) r$-hot p9c]s4 ,b all is z no?+ be=e ?is2 x is a :olly diff]5t matt]4 ,9 %ort1 ! "o is a reality1 ! o!r a picture2 & all burn+ "h 9 ?is life is z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) ! fire t is !re4 #g4 ,i 0 s t]rifi$ by t vision1--& t t]ror is on me ev5 n[ :ile ,i am writ+1--t1 ?\gh x took place ne>ly six ye>s ago1 #c ! natural w>m? ( my body is *ill$ by fe> ev5 n[ :5 ,i ?9k ( x4 ,& s1 amid all ! pa9 & suff]+ :i* ,i may h _h to be>1 ,i rememb] no "t 9 :i* ,i d n ?9k t all we h to suff] 9 ?is _w is z no?+4 ,x seems to me t we compla9 )\t reason4 ,i repeat x1 ?is vision 0 "o ( ! gr&e/ m]cies ( our ,"l4 ,x has be5 to me ( ! greate/ s]vice1 because x has de/roy$ my fe> ( tr\ble & ( ! contradiction ( ! _w1 & because x has made me /rong en\gh to be> up aga9/ !m1 & to give ?anks to our ,"l1 :o has be5 my ,deliv]]1 z x n[ seems to me1 f su* fe>ful & ev]la/+ pa9s4 #h4 ,ev] s9ce t "t1 z ,i 0 say+1 ev]y?+ seems endurable 9 comp>ison ) "o in/ant ( suff]+ su* z ^? ,i _h !n to be> 9 hell4 ,i am fill$ ) fe> :5 ,i see t1 aft] frequ5tly read+ books :i* describe 9 "s mann] ! pa9s ( hell1 ,i 0 n afraid ( !m1 nor made any acc\nt ( !m4 ,:]e 0 ,i8 ,h[ c\ld ,i possibly take any pleasure 9 ^? ?+s :i* l$ me directly to s dreadful a place8 ,bless$ = ev] be ,?\1 ,o my ,god6 &1 oh1 h[ manife/ is x t ,?\ did/ love me mu* m ?an ,i did love ,!e6 ,h[ (t51 ,o ,"l1 did/ ,?\ save me f t fe>ful prison6 & h[ ,i us$ to get back to x contr>y to ,?y w4 #i4 ,x 0 t vision t fill$ me ) ! v great di/ress :i* ,i feel at ! sight ( s _m lo/ s\ls1--especially ( ! ,lu!rans1--= !y 7 once memb]s ( ! ,*ur* by baptism1--& also gave me ! mo/ vehem5t desires = ! salvation ( s\ls2 = c]ta9ly ,i believe t1 to save ev5 "o f ^? ov]:elm+ torm5ts1 ,i w\ld mo/ will+ly endure _m dea?s4 ,if "h on e>? we see "o :om we specially love 9 great tr\ble or pa91 our v nature seems to bid u compassionate him2 & if ^? pa9s be great1 we are tr\bl$ ourselves4 ,:at1 !n1 mu/ x be to see a s\l 9 dang] ( pa91 ! mo/ griev\s ( all pa9s1 = ev]8 ,:o c endure x8 ,x is a ?\ght no he>t c be> )\t great angui%4 ,"h we "k t pa9 ends ) life at la/1 & t !re are limits to x2 yet ! sight ( x moves our compassion s greatly4 ,t o!r pa9 has no end+2 & ,i "k n h[ we c be calm1 :5 we see ,satan c>ry s _m s\ls daily away4 #aj4 ,?is also makes me wi% t1 9 a matt] :i* conc]ns u s mu*1 we did n re/ satisfi$ ) do+ less ?an we c d on our "p1--t we left no?+ undone4 ,may our ,"l v\*safe to give u ,8 grace = t end6 ,:5 ,i consid] t1 not)/&+ my v great wick$ness1 ,i took "s pa9s to please ,god1 & ab/a9$ f c]ta9 ?+s :i* ,i "k ! _w makes light (1--t1 9 %ort1 ,i suff]$ griev\s infirmities1 & ) great pati5ce1 :i* our ,"l gave me2 t ,i 0 n incl9$ to murmur or to speak ill ( anybody2 t ,i c\ld n--,i believe s--wi% h>m to any "o2 t ,i 0 n1 to ! be/ ( my recollection1 ei!r av>ici\s or envi\s1 s z to be griev\sly (f5sive 9 ! sight ( ,god2 & t ,i 0 free f _m o!r faults1--=1 ?\gh s wick$1 ,i _h liv$ con/antly 9 ! fe> ( ,god1--,i _h to look at ! v place :i* ! devils kept ready = me4 ,x is true t1 consid]+ my faults1 ,i _h des]v$ a /ill heavi] *a/isem5t2 b = all t1 ,i repeat x1 ! torm5t 0 fe>ful1 & we run a great risk :5ev] we please ourselves4 ,no s\l %\ld take ei!r re/ or pleasure t is liable to fall e mom5t into mortal s94 ,let u1 !n1 = ! love ( ,god1 avoid all occasions ( s91 & our ,"l w help u1 z ,he has help$ me4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y nev] to let me out ( ,8 h&s1 le/ ,i %\ld turn back & fall1 n[ t ,i h se5 ! place :]e ,i mu/ dwell if ,i d4 ,i entreat our ,"l1 = ,8 ,maje/y's sake1 nev] to p]mit x4 ,am54 #aa4 ,:5 ,i _h se5 ?is vision1 & _h le>n$ o!r great & hidd5 ?+s :i* our ,"l1 ( ,8 goodness1 0 pleas$ to %[ me1--namely1 ! joy ( ! bless$ & ! torm5t ( ! wick$1--,i long$ = ! way & ! means ( do+ p5ance = ! great evil ,i _h done1 & ( m]it+ 9 "s degree1 s t ,i might ga9 s great a good2 & !re=e ,i wi%$ to avoid all society1 & to )draw myself utt]ly f ! _w4 ,i 0 9 _s re/less1 yet my re/lessness 0 n h>ass+1 b r pleasant4 ,i saw cle>ly t x 0 ! "w ( ,god1 & t ,8 ,maje/y _h furni%$ my s\l ) f]v\r1 s t ,i might be able to dige/ o!r & /rong] food ?an ,i _h be5 accu/om$ to eat4 ,i tri$ to ?9k :at ,i c\ld d = ,god1 & ?\ght t ! fir/ ?+ 0 to foll[ my vocation to a religi\s life1 :i* ,8 ,maje/y _h giv5 me1 by keep+ my rule 9 ! greate/ p]fection possible4 #ab4 ,?\gh 9 t h\se 9 :i* ,i !n liv$ !re 7 _m s]vants ( ,god1 & ,god 0 greatly s]v$ !re91 yet1 because x 0 v poor1 ! nuns left x v (t5 & w5t to o!r places1 :]e1 h[ev]1 we c\ld s]ve ,god 9 all hon\r & obs]vances ( religion4 ,! rule also 0 kept1 n 9 its orig9al exactness1 b accord+ to ! cu/om ( ! :ole ,ord]1 au?oris$ by ! ,bull ( ,mitigation4 ,!re 7 o!r inconv5i5ces also3 we _h too _m com=ts1 z x seem$ to me2 = ! h\se 0 l>ge & pleasant4 ,b ?is inconv5i5ce ( go+ out1 ?\gh x 0 ,i t took mo/ advantage ( x1 0 a v griev\s "o = me2 = _m p]sons1 to :om my sup]iors c\ld n say no1 7 glad to h me ) !m4 ,my sup]iors1 ?us importun$1 comm&$ me to visit ^! p]sons2 & ?us x 0 s arrang$ t ,i c\ld n be long toge!r 9 ! mona/]y4 ,satan1 too1 mu/ h _h a %>e 9 ?is1 9 ord] t ,i might n be 9 ! h\se1 :]e ,i 0 ( great s]vice to ^? ( my si/]s to :om ,i cont9ually communicat$ ! in/ructions :i* ,i receiv$ f my confessors4 #ac4 ,x occurr$ once to a p]son ) :om ,i 0 speak+ to say to me & ! o!rs t x 0 possible to f9d means = ! f\ndation ( a mona/]y1 if we 7 prep>$ to become nuns l ^? ( ! ,b>efoot$ ,ord]s4 #d ,i1 hav+ ?is desire1 began to discuss ! matt] ) t wid[$ lady :o 0 my companion1--,i h spok5 ( h] be=e1 #e--;& %e _h ! same wi% t ,i _h4 ,%e began to consid] h[ to provide a rev5ue = ! home4 ,i see n[ t ?is 0 n ! way1--only ! wi% we _h to d s made u ?9k x 02 b ,i1 on ! o!r h&1 see+ t ,i took ! greate/ delight 9 ! h\se 9 :i* ,i 0 !n liv+1 because x 0 v pleasant to me1 &1 9 my own cell1 mo/ conv5i5t = my purpose1 /ill held back4 ,nev]!less1 we agre$ to commit ! matt] ) all e>ne/ness to ,god4 #ad4 ,"o day1 aft] ,communion1 our ,"l comm&$ me to lab\r ) all my might = ?is end4 ,he made me great promises1--t ! mona/]y w\ld be c]ta9ly built2 t ,he w\ld take great delight !re92 t x %\ld be call$ ,/4 ,joseph's2 t ,/4 ,joseph w\ld keep gu>d at "o door1 & our ,lady at ! o!r2 t ,*ri/ w\ld be 9 ! mid/ ( u2 t ! mona/]y w\ld be a /> %9+ 9 great spl5d\r2 t1 ?\gh ! religi\s ,ord]s 7 !n relax$1 ,i 0 n to suppose t ,he 0 scantily s]v$ 9 !m1--= :at w\ld become ( ! _w1 if !re 7 no religi\s 9 x8--,i 0 to tell my confessor :at ,he comm&$ me1 & t ,he ask$ him n to oppose nor ?w>t me 9 ! matt]4 #ae4 ,s efficaci\s 0 ! vision1 & su* 0 ! nature ( ! words our ,"l spoke to me1 t ,i c\ld n possibly d\bt t !y came f ,him4 ,i suff]$ mo/ ke5ly1 because ,i saw 9 "p ! great anxieties & tr\bles t ! "w w\ld co/ me1 & ,i 0 also v happy 9 ! h\se ,i 0 9 !n2 & ?\gh ,i us$ to speak ( ?is matt] 9 pa/ times1 yet x 0 n ) resolution nor ) any confid5ce t ! ?+ c\ld ev] be done4 ,i saw t ,i 0 n[ 9 a great /rait2 & :5 ,i saw t ,i 0 ent]+ on a "w ( great anxiety1 ,i hesitat$2 b our ,"l spoke ( x s (t5 to me1 & set be=e me s _m reasons & motives1 :i* ,i saw c\ld n be ga9said1--,i saw1 too1 t su* 0 ,8 w2 s ,i did n d>e d o!rwise ?an put ! :ole matt] be=e my confessor1 & give him an acc\nt 9 writ+ ( all t took place4 #af4 ,my confessor did n v5ture def9itely to bid me ab&on my purpose2 b he saw t naturally !re 0 no way ( c>ry+ x out2 because my fri5d1 :o 0 to d x1 _h v little or no means available = t end4 ,he told me to lay ! matt] be=e my sup]ior1 #f & d :at he might bid me d4 ,i nev] spoke ( my visions to my sup]ior1 b t lady :o desir$ to f\nd ! mona/]y communicat$ ) him4 ,! ,prov9cial 0 v mu* pleas$1 = he loves ! :ole ,ord]1 gave h] e help t 0 necess>y1 & promis$ to ackn[l$ge ! h\se4 ,!n !re 0 a discussion ab\t ! rev5ues ( ! mona/]y1 & = _m reasons we nev] w\ld all[ m ?an ?irte5 si/]s toge!r4 ,be=e we began our arrangem5ts1 we wrote to ! holy fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 tell+ him all t 0 tak+ place2 & he advis$ u n to ab&on our "w1 & gave u 8 sanction on all po9ts4 #ag4 ,z soon z ! affair began to be kn[n "h1 !re fell ^u u a viol5t p]secution1 :i* _c be v easily describ$--%>p say+s & ke5 je/s4 ,p said x 0 folly 9 me1 :o 0 s well (f 9 my mona/]y2 z to my fri5d1 ! p]secution 0 s cont9u\s1 t x we>i$ h]4 ,i did n "k :at to d1 & ,i ?\ght t p 7 p>tly 9 ! "r4 ,:5 ,i 0 ?us heavily afflict$1 ,i comm5d$ myself to ,god1 & ,8 ,maje/y began to console & enc\rage me4 ,he told me t ,i c\ld !n see :at ! ,sa9ts _h to g ?r\gh :o f\nd$ ! religi\s ,ord]s3 t ,i _h mu* heavi] p]secutions to endure ?an ,i c\ld imag9e1 b ,i 0 n to m9d !m4 ,he told me also :at ,i 0 to say to my fri5d2 & :at surpris$ me mo/ 01 t we 7 consol$ at once z to ! pa/1 & resolv$ to )/& ev]ybody c\rage\sly4 ,& s x came to pass2 = among p ( pray]1 & inde$ 9 ! :ole neighb\rhood1 !re 0 h>dly "o :o 0 n aga9/ u1 & :o did n ?9k our "w ! greate/ folly4 #ah4 ,!re 0 s mu* talk+ & confusion 9 ! v mona/]y :]e9 ,i 01 t ! ,prov9cial began to ?9k x h>d = him to set himself aga9/ ev]ybody2 s he *ang$ 8 m9d1 & w\ld n ackn[l$ge ! new h\se4 ,he said t ! rev5ue 0 n c]ta91 & too little1 :ile ! opposition 0 great4 ,on ! :ole1 x seem$ t he 0 "r2 he gave x up at la/1 & w\ld h no?+ to d ) x4 ,x 0 a v great pa9 to u1--= we seem$ n[ to h receiv$ ! fir/ bl[1--& 9 p>ticul> to me1 to f9d ! ,prov9cial aga9/ u2 = :5 he approv$ ( ! plan1 ,i consid]$ myself blameless be=e all4 ,!y w\ld n give absolution to my fri5d1 if %e did n ab&on ! project2 = !y said %e 0 b\nd to remove ! sc&al4 #ai4 ,%e w5t to a v le>n$ man1 & a v great s]vant ( ,god1 ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic1 #g to :om %e gave an acc\nt ( all ?is matt]4 ,?is 0 ev5 be=e ! ,prov9cial _h )drawn 8 cons5t2 = 9 ?is place we _h no "o :o w\ld give u advice2 & s !y said t x all proce$$ solely f our ob/9acy4 ,t lady gave an acc\nt ( ev]y?+1 & told ! holy man h[ mu* %e receiv$ f ! prop]ty ( h] husb&4 ,hav+1 a great desire t he w\ld help u1--= he 0 ! mo/ le>n$ man "h1 & !re are few 9 8 ,ord] m le>n$ ?an he1--,i told him myself all we int5d$ to d1 & "s ( my motives4 ,i nev] said a ^w ( any revelation :atev]1 speak+ only ( ! natural reasons :i* influ5c$ me2 = ,i w\ld n h him give an op9ion o!rwise ?an on ^? gr\nds4 ,he ask$ u to give him eight days be=e he answ]$1 & also if we _h made up our m9ds to abide by :at he might say4 ,i said we _h2 b ?\gh ,i said s1 & ?\gh ,i ?\ght s1 ,i nev] lo/ a c]ta9 confid5ce t ! mona/]y w\ld be f\nd$4 ,my fri5d _h m fai? ?an ,i2 no?+ !y c\ld say c\ld make h] give x up4 ,z = myself1 ?\gh1 z ,i said1 x seem$ to me impossible t ! "w %\ld be f9ally ab&on$1 yet my belief 9 ! tru? ( ! revelation w5t no fur!r ?an 9 s f> z x 0 n aga9/ :at is conta9$ 9 ! sacr$ writ+s1 nor aga9/ ! laws ( ! ,*ur*1 :i* we are b\nd to keep4 ,?\gh ! revelation seem$ to me to h come really f ,god1 yet1 if t le>n$ man _h told me t we c\ld n g on )\t (f5d+ ,god & go+ aga9/ our consci5ce1 ,i believe ,i %\ld h giv5 x up1 & look$ out = "s o!r way2 b our ,"l %[$ me no o!r way ?an ?is4 #bj4 ,! s]vant ( ,god told me aft]w>ds t he _h made up 8 m9d to insi/ on ! ab&onm5t ( our project1 = he _h already he>d ! popul> cry3 moreov]1 he1 z ev]ybody did1 ?\ght x folly2 & a c]ta9 nobleman also1 z soon z he knew t we _h gone to him1 _h s5t him ^w to consid] well :at he 0 do+1 & to give u no help2 t :5 he began to consid] ! answ] he %\ld make u1 & to pond] on ! matt]1 ! object we _h 9 view1 our mann] ( life1 & ! ,ord]1 he became conv9c$ t x 0 greatly = ! s]vice ( ,god1 & t we mu/ n give x up4 ,accord+ly1 8 answ] 0 t we %\ld make ha/e to settle ! matt]4 ,he told u h[ & 9 :at way x 0 to be done2 & if our means 7 scanty1 we mu/ tru/ some:at 9 ,god4 ,if anyone made any objections1 !y 7 to g to him--he w\ld answ] !m2 & 9 ?is way he always help$ u1 z ,i %all %[ by & by4 #h #ba4 ,?is answ] 0 a great com=t to u2 s also 0 ! conduct ( c]ta9 holy p]sons :o 7 usually aga9/ u3 !y 7 n[ pacifi$1 & "s ( !m ev5 help$ u4 ,"o ( !m 0 ! sa9tly nobleman #i ( :om ,i spoke be=e2 #aj he look$ on x--s1 inde$1 x 0--z a means ( great p]fection1 because ! :ole f\ndation 0 laid 9 pray]4 ,he saw also v _m difficulties be=e u1 & no way out ( !m1--yet he gave up 8 own op9ion1 & admitt$ t ! "w might be ( ,god4 ,our ,"l ,himself mu/ h t\*$ 8 he>t1 z ,he also did t ( ! doctor1 ! prie/ & s]vant ( ,god1 to :om1 z ,i said be=e1 #aa ,i fir/ spoke1 :o is an example to ! :ole city1--be+ "o :om ,god ma9ta9s !re = ! relief & progress ( _m s\ls3 he1 too1 came n[ to give u 8 assi/ance4 #bb4 ,:5 matt]s _h come to ?is /ate1 & always ) ! help ( _m pray]s1 we pur*as$ a h\se 9 a conv5i5t spot2 & ?\gh x 0 small1 ,i c>$ n at all = t1 = our ,"l _h told me to g into x z well z ,i c\ld1--t ,i %\ld see aft]w>ds :at ,he w\ld d2 & h[ well ,i h se5 x6 ,i saw1 too1 h[ scanty 7 our means2 & yet ,i believ$ our ,"l w\ld ord] ^! ?+s by o!r ways1 & be graci\s unto u4 #a4 ,see *4 v4 #ad1 *4 vi4 #a4 #b4 ,*4 xxxi4 #c4 #c4 ,9 #aeeh 7,de la ,fu5te74 #d4 ,?is 0 said by ,m>ia de ,ocampo1 niece ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 !n liv+ 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 b n a religi\s2 aft]w>ds ,m>ia ,bauti/a1 ,prioress ( ! ,c>melites at ,valladolid 7,rib]a1 i4 #g74 #e4 ,*4 xxiv4 #e4 ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa4 #f4 ,! ,prov9cial ( ! ,c>melites3 ,f4 ,angel de ,salas> 7,de la ,fu5te74 #g4 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ibaez 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #h4 #i4 ,francis de ,salc$o4 #aj4 ,*4 xxiii4 #f4 #aa4 ,gasp> ,daza4 ,see *4 xxiii4 #f4 ,*apt] ,,xxxiii4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,mona/]y ,h9d]$4 ,our ,"l ,consoles ! ,sa9t4 #a4 ,:5 ! matt] 0 9 ?is /ate--s ne> its conclusion1 t on ! v next day ! pap]s 7 to be sign$--!n x 0 t ! ,fa!r ,prov9cial *ang$ 8 m9d4 ,i believe t ! *ange 0 div9ely ord]$--s x appe>$ aft]w>ds2 = :ile s _m pray]s 7 made1 our ,"l 0 p]fect+ ,8 "w & arrang+ its execution 9 ano!r way4 ,:5 ! ,prov9cial refus$ u1 my confessor bade me =?) to ?9k no m ( x1 not)/&+ ! great tr\ble & di/ress :i* our ,"l kn[s x co/ me to br+ x to ?is /ate4 ,:5 ! "w 0 giv5 up & ab&on$1 p 7 ! m conv9c$ t x 0 altoge!r ! fooli%ness ( wom52 & ! compla9ts aga9/ me 7 multipli$1 al?\gh ,i _h until !n ?is comm&m5t ( my ,prov9cial to ju/ify me4 #b4 ,i 0 n[ v mu* dislik$ ?r\gh\t ! :ole mona/]y1 because ,i wi%$ to f\nd ano!r ) /rict] enclosure4 ,x 0 said ,i insult$ my si/]s2 t ,i c\ld s]ve ,god among !m z well z else:]e1 = !re 7 _m among !m mu* bett] ?an ,i2 t ,i did n love ! h\se1 & t x w\ld h be5 bett] if ,i _h procur$ great] res\rces = x ?an = ano!r4 ,"s said ,i ought to be put 9 prison2 o!rs--b !y 7 n _m--def5d$ me 9 "s degree4 ,i saw well en\gh t !y 7 = ! mo/ "p "r1 & n[ & !n ,i made excuses = myself2 ?\gh1 z ,i c\ld n tell !m ! *ief reason1 :i* 0 ! comm&m5t ( our ,"l1 ,i knew n :at to d1 & s 0 sil5t4 #c4 ,9 o!r respects ,god 0 mo/ m]ciful unto me1 = all ?is caus$ me no uneas9ess2 & ,i gave up our design ) mu* read9ess & joy1 z if x co/ me no?+4 ,no "o c\ld believe x1 n ev5 ^? m5 ( pray] ) :om ,i conv]s$2 = !y ?\ght ,i 0 exce$+ly pa9$ & sorry3 ev5 my confessor himself c\ld h>dly believe x4 ,i _h done1 z x seem$ to me1 all t 0 9 my p[]4 ,i ?\ght myself oblig$ to d no m ?an ,i _h done to fulfil our ,"l's comm&m5t1 & s ,i rema9$ 9 ! h\se :]e ,i 01 exce$+ly happy & joyful2 ?\gh1 at ! same "t1 ,i 0 nev] able to give up my conviction t ! "w w\ld be done4 ,i _h n[ no means ( do+ x1 nor did ,i "k h[ or :5 x w\ld be done2 b ,i firmly believ$ 9 its accompli%m5t4 #d4 ,i 0 mu* di/ress$ at "o "t by a lett] :i* my confessor wrote to me1 z if ,i _h done any?+ 9 ! matt] contr>y to 8 w4 ,our ,"l also mu/ h meant t suff]+ %\ld n fail me !re :]e ,i %\ld feel x mo/2 & s1 amid ! multitude ( my p]secutions1 :51 z x seem$ to me1 consolations %\ld h come f my confessor1 he told me t ,i ought to recognise 9 ! result t all 0 a dream2 t ,i ought to lead a new life by ceas+ to h any?+ to d = ! future ) x1 or ev5 to speak ( x any m1 see+ ! sc&al x _h occasion$4 ,he made "s fur!r rem>ks1 all ( !m v pa9ful4 ,?is 0 a great] affliction to me ?an all ! o!rs toge!r4 ,i consid]$ :e!r ,i _h done any?+ myself1 & :e!r ,i 0 to blame = any?+ t 0 an (f5ce unto ,god2 :e!r all my visions 7 illusions1 all my pray]s a delusion1 & ,i1 !re=e1 deeply delud$ & lo/4 ,?is press$ s heavily ^u me1 t ,i 0 altoge!r di/urb$ & mo/ griev\sly di/ress$4 ,b our ,"l1 :o nev] fail$ me 9 all ! trials ,i speak (1 s frequ5tly consol$ & /r5g!n$ me1 t ,i ne$ n speak ( x "h4 ,he told me !n n to di/ress myself2 t ,i _h pleas$ ,god greatly1 & _h n s9n$ aga9/ ,him ?r\gh\t ! :ole affair2 t ,i 0 to d :at my confessors requir$ ( me1 & be sil5t on ! subject till ! "t came to resume x4 ,i 0 s com=t$ & s happy1 t ! p]secution :i* _h befall5 me seem$ to be z no?+ at all4 #e4 ,our ,"l n[ %[$ me :at an exce$+ly great bless+ x is to be tri$ & p]secut$ = ,8 sake2 = ! gr[? ( ! love ( ,god 9 my s\l1 :i* ,i n[ disc]n$1 z well z ( _m o!r virtues1 0 su* z to fill me ) wond]4 ,x made me unable to ab/a9 f desir+ trials1 & yet ^? ab\t me ?\ght ,i 0 exce$+ly di%e>t5$2 & ,i mu/ h be5 s1 if our ,"l 9 t extremity _h n succ\r$ me ) ,8 great compassion4 ,n[ 0 ! beg9n+ ( ^? m viol5t impetuosities ( ! love ( ,god ( :i* ,i h spok5 be=e1 #a z well z ( ^? pr(\nd] trances4 ,i kept sil5ce1 h[ev]1 & nev] spoke ( ^? graces to any "o4 ,! sa9tly ,dom9ican #b 0 z confid5t z ,i 0 t ! "w w\ld be done2 & z ,i w\ld n speak ( x1 9 ord] t no?+ might take place contr>y to ! ob$i5ce ,i ow$ my confessor1 he communicat$ ) my companion1 & !y wrote lett]s to ,rome & made _! prep>ations4 #f4 ,satan also contriv$ n[ t p]sons %\ld he> "o f ano!r t ,i _h _h a revelation 9 ! matt]2 & p came to me 9 great t]ror1 say+ t ! times 7 dang]\s1 t some?+ might be laid to my *>ge1 & t ,i might be tak5 be=e ! ,inquisitors4 ,i he>d ?is ) pleasure1 & x made me laugh1 because ,i nev] 0 afraid ( !m2 = ,i knew well en\gh t 9 matt]s ( fai? ,i w\ld n break ! lea/ c]emony ( ! ,*ur*1 t ,i w\ld expose myself to die a ?\s& times r ?an t any "o %\ld see me g aga9/ x or aga9/ any tru? ( ,holy ,writ4 ,s ,i told !m ,i 0 n afraid ( t1 = my s\l mu/ be 9 a v bad /ate if !re 0 any?+ ! matt] ) x ( su* a nature z to make me fe> ! ,inquisition2 ,i w\ld g myself & give myself up1 if ,i ?\ght !re 0 any?+ amiss2 & if ,i %\ld be d5\nc$1 our ,"l w\ld deliv] me1 & ,i %\ld ga9 mu*4 #g4 ,i _h rec\rse to my ,dom9ican fa!r2 = ,i c\ld rely ^u him1 because he 0 a le>n$ man4 ,i told him all ab\t my visions1 my way ( pray]1 ! great graces our ,"l _h giv5 me1 z cle>ly z ,i c\ld1 & ,i begg$ him to consid] ! matt] well1 & tell me if !re 0 any?+ !re9 at v>iance ) ! ,holy ,writ+s1 & give me 8 op9ion on ! :ole matt]4 ,he reassur$ me mu*1 &1 ,i ?9k1 pr(it$ himself2 = ?\gh he 0 exce$+ly good1 yet1 f ?is "t =?1 he gave himself m & m to pray]1 & retir$ to a mona/]y ( 8 ,ord] :i* 0 v lonely1 t he might apply himself m effectually to pray]1 :]e he rema9$ m ?an two ye>s4 ,he 0 dragg$ out ( 8 solitude by ob$i5ce1 to 8 great sorr[3 8 sup]iors requir$ 8 s]vices2 = he 0 a man ( great ability4 ,i1 too1 on my "p1 felt 8 retirem5t v mu*1 because x 0 a great loss to me1 ?\gh ,i did n di/urb him4 ,b ,i knew x 0 a ga9 to him2 = :5 ,i 0 s mu* di/ress$ at 8 dep>ture1 our ,"l bade me be com=t$1 n to take x to he>t1 = he 0 gone "u good guidance4 #h4 ,s1 :5 he came back1 8 s\l _h made su* great progress1 & he 0 s advanc$ 9 ! ways ( ! _s1 t he told me on 8 return he w\ld n h miss$ t j\rney = any?+ 9 ! _w4 ,& ,i1 too1 c\ld say ! same ?+2 = :]e he reassur$ & consol$ me =m]ly by 8 m]e le>n+1 he did s n[ ?r\gh t spiritual exp]i5ce he _h ga9$ ( sup]natural ?+s4 ,& ,god1 too1 br\ght him "h 9 "t2 = ,he saw t 8 help w\ld be requir$ 9 ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y1 :i* ,8 ,maje/y will$ %\ld be laid4 #i4 ,i rema9$ quiet aft] ?is = five or six mon?s1 nei!r ?9k+ nor speak+ ( ! matt]2 nor did our ,"l once speak to me ab\t x4 ,i "k n :y1 b ,i c\ld nev] rid myself ( ! ?\ght t ! mona/]y w\ld be f\nd$4 ,at ! end ( t "t1 ! !n ,rector #c ( ! ,society ( ,jesus hav+ gone away1 ,8 ,maje/y br\ght into 8 place ano!r1 #d ( great spirituality1 high c\rage1 /rong und]/&+1 & pr(\nd le>n+1 at ! v "t :5 ,i 0 9 great /raits4 ,z he :o !n he>d my confession _h a sup]ior ov] him--! fa!rs ( ! ,society are extremely /rict ab\t ! virtue ( ob$i5ce & nev] /ir b 9 con=mity ) ! w ( _! sup]iors1--s he w\ld n d>e1 ?\gh he p]fectly und]/ood my _s1 & desir$ ! accompli%m5t ( my purpose1 to come to any resolution2 & he _h _m reasons to ju/ify 8 conduct4 ,i 0 at ! same "t subject to su* great impetuosities ( _s1 t ,i felt my *a9s extremely heavy2 nev]!less1 ,i nev] sw]v$ f ! comm&m5t he gave me4 #aj4 ,"o day1 :5 9 great di/ress1 because ,i ?\ght my confessor did n tru/ me1 our ,"l said to me1 ,be n tr\bl$2 ?is suff]+ w soon be ov]4 ,i 0 v mu* delight$1 ?9k+ ,i %\ld die %ortly2 & ,i 0 v happy :5ev] ,i recall$ ^? words to remembrance4 ,aft]w>ds ,i saw cle>ly t !y ref]r$ to ! com+ ( ! rector ( :om ,i am speak+1 = nev] aga9 _h ,i any reason to be di/ress$4 ,! rector t came nev] int]f]$ ) ! fa!r-m9i/] :o 0 my confessor4 ,on ! contr>y1 he told him to console me1--t !re 0 no?+ to be afraid (1--& n to direct me along a road s n>r[1 b to leave ! op]ations ( ! ,_s ( ,god alone2 = n[ & !n x seem$ z if ^! great impetuosities ( ! _s took away ! v brea? ( ! s\l4 #aa4 ,! rector came to see me1 & my confessor bade me speak to him 9 all fre$om & op5ness4 ,i us$ to feel ! v greate/ repugnance to speak ( ?is matt]2 b s x 01 :5 ,i w5t into ! confessional1 ,i felt 9 my s\l some?+1 ,i "k n :at4 ,i d n rememb] to h felt s ei!r be=e or aft] t[>ds any "o4 ,i _c tell :at x 01 nor d ,i "k ( any?+ ) :i* ,i c\ld comp>e x4 ,x 0 a spiritual joy1 & a conviction 9 my s\l t 8 s\l mu/ und]/& m9e1 t x 0 9 unison ) x1 & yet1 z ,i h said1 ,i knew n h[4 ,if ,i _h ev] spok5 to him1 or _h he>d great ?+s ( him1 x w\ld h be5 no?+ out ( ! way t ,i %\ld rejoice 9 ! conviction t he w\ld und]/& me2 b he _h nev] spok5 to me be=e1 nor ,i to him1 &1 inde$1 he 0 a p]son ( :om ,i _h no previ\s k :atev]4 #ab4 ,aft]w>ds1 ,i saw cle>ly t my _s 0 n deceiv$2 = my relations ) him 7 9 e way ( ! utmo/ s]vice to me & my s\l1 because 8 me?od ( direction is prop] = ^? p]sons :om our ,"l seems to h l$ f> on ! way1 see+ t ,he makes !m run1 & n to crawl /ep by /ep4 ,8 plan is to r5d] !m ?or\ghly deta*$ & mortifi$1 & our ,"l has end[$ him ) ! highe/ gifts h]e9 z well z 9 _m o!r ?+s beside4 ,z soon z ,i began to h to d ) him1 ,i knew 8 me?od at once1 & saw t he _h a pure & holy s\l1 ) a special grace ( our ,"l = ! disc]nm5t ( spirits4 ,he gave me great consolation4 ,%ortly aft] ,i _h begun to speak to him1 our ,"l began to con/ra9 me to return to ! affair ( ! mona/]y1 & to lay be=e my confessor & ! fa!r-rector _m reasons & consid]ations :y !y %\ld n /& 9 my way4 ,"s ( ^! reasons made !m afraid1 = ! fa!r-rector nev] _h a d\bt ( its be+ ! "w ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 because he reg>d$ ! fruits ( x ) great c>e & att5tion4 ,at la/1 aft] mu* consid]ation1 !y did n d>e to h9d] me4 #e #ac4 ,my confessor gave me leave to prosecute ! "w ) all my might4 ,i saw well en\gh ! tr\ble ,i expos$ myself to1 = ,i 0 utt]ly alone1 & able to d s v little4 ,we agre$ t x %\ld be c>ri$ on ) ! utmo/ secrecy2 & s ,i contriv$ t "o ( my si/]s1 #f :o liv$ out ( ! t[n1 %\ld buy a h\se1 & prep>e x z if = h]self1 ) money :i* our ,"l provid$ = u4 #g ,i made x a great po9t to d no?+ aga9/ ob$i5ce2 b ,i knew t if ,i spoke ( x to my sup]iors all 0 lo/1 z on ! =m] occasion1 & worse ev5 might happ54 ,9 hold+ ! money1 9 f9d+ ! h\se1 9 treat+ = x1 9 putt+ x 9 ord]1 ,i _h s mu* to suff]2 &1 = ! mo/ "p1 ,i _h to suff] alone1 ?\gh my fri5d did :at %e c\ld3 %e c\ld d b little1 & t 0 almo/ no?+4 ,beyond giv+ h] "n & h] c\nt5ance1 ! :ole ( ! tr\ble 0 m9e2 & t fell ^u me 9 s _m ways1 t ,i am a/oni%$ n[ h[ ,i c\ld h borne x4 #h ,sometimes1 9 my affliction1 ,i us$ to say3 ,o my ,"l1 h[ is x t ,?\ comm&e/ me to d t :i* seems impossible8--=1 ?\gh ,i am a woman1 yet1 if ,i 7 free1 x might be done2 b :5 ,i am ti$ 9 s _m ways1 )\t money1 or ! means ( procur+ x1 ei!r = ! purpose ( ! ,brief or = any o!r1--:at1 ,o ,"l1 c ,i d8 #ad4 ,once :5 ,i 0 9 "o ( my difficulties1 n kn[+ :at to d1 unable to pay ! workm51 ,/4 ,joseph1 my true fa!r & "l1 appe>$ to me1 & gave me to und]/& t money w\ld n be want+1 & ,i mu/ hire ! workm54 ,s ,i did1 ?\gh ,i 0 p5niless2 & our ,"l1 9 a way t fill$ ^? :o he>d ( x ) wond]1 provid$ = me4 ,! h\se (f]$ me 0 too small1--s mu* s1 t x seem$ z if x c\ld nev] be made into a mona/]y1--& ,i wi%$ to buy ano!r1 b _h n ! means1 & !re 0 nei!r way nor means to d s4 ,i knew n :at to d4 ,!re 0 ano!r little h\se close to ! "o we _h1 :i* might h =m$ a small *ur*4 ,"o day1 aft] ,communion1 our ,"l said to me1 ,i h already bidd5 !e to g 9 anyh[4 ,& !n1 z if exclaim+1 said3 ,oh1 covet\sness ( ! human race1 ?9k+ t ev5 ! :ole e>? is too little = x6 h[ (t5 h ,i slept 9 ! op5 air1 because ,i _h no place to %elt] ,me6 #i ,i 0 al>m$1 & saw t ,he _h good reasons to compla94 ,i w5t to ! little h\se1 arrang$ ! divisions ( x1 & f\nd t x w\ld make a suffici5t1 ?\gh small1 mona/]y4 ,i did n c>e n[ to add to ! site by pur*ase1 & s ,i did no?+ b contrive to h x prep>$ 9 su* a way t x c\ld be liv$ 94 ,ev]y?+ 0 co>se1 & no?+ m 0 done to x ?an to r5d] x n hurtful to heal?--& t mu/ be done ev]y:]e4 #ae4 ,z ,i 0 go+ to ,communion on h] fea/1 ,/4 ,cl>e appe>$ to me 9 great beauty1 & bade me take c\rage1 & g on ) :at ,i _h begun2 %e w\ld help me4 ,i began to h a great devotion to ,/4 ,cl>e2 & %e has s truly kept h] ^w1 t a mona/]y ( nuns ( h] ,ord] 9 our neighb\rhood help$ u to live2 &1 :at is ( m importance1 by little & little %e s p]fectly fulfill$ my desire1 t ! pov]ty :i* ! bless$ ,sa9t obs]ves 9 h] own h\se is obs]v$ 9 ?is1 & we are liv+ on alms4 ,x co/ me no small lab\r to h ?is matt] settl$ by ! pl5>y sanction & au?ority ( ! ,holy ,fa!r1 #aj s t x %all nev] be o!rwise1 & we possess no rev5ues4 ,our ,"l is do+ m = u--p]haps we owe x to ! pray]s ( ?is bless$ ,sa9t2 =1 )\t our ask+ anybody1 ,8 ,maje/y supplies mo/ abundantly all our wants4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #af4 ,on "o ( ^! days--x 0 ! ,fea/ ( ! ,assumption ( our ,lady--,i 0 9 ! *ur* ( ! mona/]y ( ! ,ord] ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,dom9ic1 ?9k+ ( ! ev5ts ( my wret*$ life1 & ( ! _m s9s :i* 9 times pa/ ,i _h confess$ 9 t h\se4 ,i fell into s pr(\nd a trance1 t ,i 0 z x 7 beside myself4 ,i sat d[n1 & x seem$ z if ,i c\ld nei!r see ! ,elevation nor he> ,mass4 ,?is aft]w>ds became a scruple to me4 ,i ?\ght !n1 :5 ,i 0 9 t /ate1 t ,i saw myself clo!d ) a g>m5t ( excessive :it5ess & spl5d\r4 ,at fir/ ,i did n see :o 0 putt+ x on me4 ,aft]w>ds ,i saw our ,lady on my "r h&1 & my fa!r ,/4 ,joseph on my left1 clo?+ me ) t g>m5t4 ,i 0 giv5 to und]/& t ,i 0 !n cleans$ f my s9s4 ,:5 ,i _h be5 ?us clad--,i 0 fill$ ) ! utmo/ delight & joy--our ,lady seem$ at once to take me by bo? h&s4 ,%e said t ,i pleas$ h] v mu* by be+ dev\t to ! glori\s ,/4 ,joseph2 t ,i might rely on x my desires ab\t ! mona/]y 7 accompli%$1 & t our ,"l & !y too w\ld be greatly hon\r$ 9 x2 t ,i 0 to be afraid ( no failure :atev]1 ?\gh ! ob$i5ce "u :i* x w\ld be plac$ might n be accord+ to my m9d1 because !y w\ld wat* ov] u1 & because h] ,son _h promis$ to be ) u #aa--;&1 z a pro( ( ?is1 %e w\ld give me t jewel4 ,%e !n seem$ to ?r[ ar\nd my neck a mo/ spl5did necklace ( gold1 f :i* hung a cross ( great value4 ,! /ones & gold 7 s diff]5t f any 9 ?is _w1 t !re is no?+ :]e) to comp>e !m4 ,! beauty ( !m is su* z c be conceiv$ by no imag9ation1--& no und]/&+ c f9d out ! mat]ials ( ! robe1 nor picture to itself ! spl5d\rs :i* our ,"l reveal$1 9 comp>ison ) :i* all ! spl5d\rs ( e>?1 s to say1 are a daub+ ( soot4 ,?is beauty1 :i* ,i saw 9 our ,lady1 0 exce$+ly gr&1 ?\gh ,i did n trace x 9 any p>ticul> feature1 b r 9 ! :ole =m ( h] face4 ,%e 0 clo!d 9 :ite & h] g>m5ts %one ) excessive lu/re t 0 n dazzl+1 b s(t4 ,i did n see ,/4 ,joseph s di/9ctly1 ?\gh ,i saw cle>ly t he 0 !re1 z 9 ! visions ( :i* ,i spoke be=e1 #ab 9 :i* no?+ is se54 ,our ,lady seem$ to be v "y4 #ag4 ,:5 !y _h be5 ) me = a :ile1--,i1 too1 9 ! greate/ delight & joy1 great] ?an ,i _h ev] _h be=e1 z ,i ?9k1 & ) :i* ,i wi%$ nev] to "p1--,i saw !m1 s x seem$1 asc5d up to heav51 att5d$ by a great multitude ( angels4 ,i 0 left 9 great lonel9ess1 ?\gh s com=t$ & rais$ up1 s recollect$ 9 pray] & s(t5$1 t ,i 0 = "s "t unable to move or speak--be+1 z x 71 beside myself4 ,i 0 n[ possess$ by a /rong desire to be consum$ = ! love ( ,god1 & by o!r affections ( ! same k9d4 ,ev]y?+ took place 9 su* a way t ,i c\ld nev] h a d\bt--?\gh ,i (t5 tri$--t ! vision came f ,god4 #ac ,x left me 9 ! greate/ consolation & peace4 #ah4 ,z to t :i* ! ,que5 ( ! ,angels spoke ab\t ob$i5ce1 x is ?is3 x 0 pa9ful to me n to subject ! mona/]y to ! ,ord]1 & our ,"l _h told me t x 0 inexp$i5t to d s4 ,he told me ! reasons :y x 0 9 no wise conv5i5t t ,i %\ld d x b ,i mu/ s5d to ,rome 9 a c]ta9 way1 :i* ,he also expla9$2 ,he w\ld take c>e t ,i f\nd help !re3 & s ,i did4 ,i s5t to ,rome1 z our ,"l direct$ me1--= we %\ld nev] h succe$$ o!rwise1--& mo/ fav\rable 0 ! result4 #ai4 ,& z to subsequ5t ev5ts1 x 0 v conv5i5t to be "u ! ,bi%op1 #ad b at t "t ,i did n "k him1 nor did ,i "k :at k9d ( a sup]ior he might be4 ,x pleas$ our ,"l t he %\ld be z good & fav\rable to ?is h\se z x 0 necess>y he %\ld be on acc\nt ( ! great opposition x met ) at ! beg9n+1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]1 #ae & also = ! sake ( br++ x to ! condition x is n[ 94 ,bless$ be ,he :o has done x all6 ,am54 #a4 ,*4 xxi4 #f1 *4 xxix4 #aj1 #aa4 #b4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,see *4 xxxviii4 #ae4 #c4 ,dionisio ,vasquez4 ,( him ! ,boll&i/s say t he 0 v au/]e & h>% to 8 subjects1 not)/&+ 8 great le>n+3 hom9i egregie docto ac rebus ge/is cl>o1 s$ 9 subditos1 ut ex hi/oria ,societatis ,jesu liquet1 valde immiti 7n4 #cji74 #d4 ,gasp> de ,salaz> 0 made rector ( ! h\se 9 ,avila 9 #aefa1 !re9 succe$+ ,vasquez 7,boll&i/s1 ibid474 #e4 ,/4 ,t]esa 0 comm&$ by our ,"l to ask ,fa!r ,baltas> ,alv>ez to make a m$itation on ,psalm xci4 #f3 ,quam magnificata sunt op]a ,tua4 ,! ,sa9t obey$1 & ! m$itation 0 made4 ,f t mom5t1 z ,f4 ,alv>ez aft]w>ds told ,fa!r de ,rib]a 7,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 i4 *4 vii471 !re 0 no fur!r hesitation on ! "p ( ! ,sa9t's confessor4 #f4 ,juana de ,ahumada1 wife ( ,juan de ,ovalle4 #g4 ,! money 0 a pres5t f h] bro!r1 ,don ,lor5zo de ,cep$a2 & ! ,sa9t ackn[l$ges ! receipt ( x1 & confesses ! use made ( x1 9 a lett] to h] bro!r1 writt5 9 ,avila1 ,dec4 #ca1 #aefa 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,"o day1 %e w5t ) h] si/]--%e 0 /ay+ 9 h] h\se--to he> a s]mon 9 ! *ur* ( ,/4 ,?omas4 ,! zeal\s prea*] d5\nc$ visions & revelations2 & 8 obs]vations 7 s mu* to ! po9t1 t !re 0 no ne$ ( 8 say+ t !y 7 direct$ aga9/ ,/4 ,t]esa1 :o 0 pres5t4 ,h] si/] 0 greatly hurt1 & p]suad$ ! ,sa9t to return to ! mona/]y at once 7,re=ma1 i4 *4 xlii4 #a74 #i4 ,/4 ,luke ix4 #eh3 ,filius autem hom9is non habet ubi caput recl9et4 #aj4 ,pius ,,iv41 on ,dec4 #e1 #aefb1 7,b\ix74 ,see *4 xxxix4 #ai4 #aa4 ,*4 xxxii4 #ad4 #ab4 ,see *4 xxvii4 #g4 #ac4 ,nue/ro ,seor1 our ,"l1 ?\gh ins]t$ 9 ! pr9t$ editions aft] ! ^w ,god1 is n 9 ! ,,ms41 accord+ to ,don ,v4 de la ,fu5te4 #ad4 ,don ,alv>o de ,m5doza1 ,bi%op ( ,avila1 aft]w>ds ( ,pal5cia4 #ae4 ,see *4 xxxvi4 #ae2 ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 v4 #aj2 ,f\ndations1 *4 xxxi4 #a4 ,*apt] ,,xxxiv4 ,! ,sa9t ,leaves ,h] ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation = a ,"t1 at ! ,comm& ( ,h] ,sup]ior4 ,consoles an ,afflict$ ,wid[4 #a4 ,n[1 ?\gh ,i 0 v c>eful t no "o %\ld "k :at we 7 do+1 all ?is "w c\ld n be c>ri$ on s secretly z n to come to ! k ( div]s p]sons2 "s believ$1 9 x1 o!rs did n1 ,i 0 9 great fe> le/ ! ,prov9cial %\ld be spok5 to ab\t x :5 he came1 & f9d himself compell$ to ord] me to give x up2 & if he did s1 x w\ld h be5 ab&on$ at once4 ,our ,"l provid$ aga9/ x 9 ?is way4 ,9 a l>ge city1 m ?an tw5ty leagues di/ant1 0 a lady 9 great di/ress on acc\nt ( h] husb&'s dea?4 #a ,%e 0 9 su* extreme affliction1 t fe>s 7 ent]ta9$ ab\t h] life4 ,%e _h he>d ( me1 a poor s9n]1--= our ,"l _h provid$ t1--& m5 spoke well to h] ( me1 = ! sake ( o!r good works :i* result$ f x4 ,?is lady knew ! ,prov9cial well2 & z %e 0 a p]son ( "s consid]ation1 & knew t ,i liv$ 9 a mona/]y ! nuns ( :i* 7 p]mitt$ to g out1 our ,"l made h] desire mu* to see me4 ,%e ?\ght t my pres5ce w\ld be a consolation to h]1 & t %e c\ld n be com=t$ o!rwise4 ,%e !re=e /rove by all ! means 9 h] p[] to get me into h] h\se1 s5d+ messages to ! ,prov9cial1 :o 0 at a di/ance f> away4 #b4 ,! ,prov9cial s5t me an ord]1 *>g+ me 9 virtue ( my ob$i5ce to g imm$iately1 ) "o companion4 ,i knew ( x on ,*ri/mas night4 ,x caus$ me "s tr\ble & mu* suff]+ to see t !y s5t = me because !y ?\ght !re 0 "s good 9 me2 ,i1 kn[+ myself to be s wick$1 c\ld n be> x4 ,i comm5d$ myself e>ne/ly to ,god1 & dur+ ,mat9s1 or ! great] "p ( !m1 0 lo/ 9 a pr(\nd trance4 ,our ,"l told me ,i mu/ g )\t fail1 & give no he$ to ! op9ions ( p1 = !y 7 few :o w\ld n be ra% 9 _! c\nsel2 & ?\gh ,i %\ld h tr\bles1 yet ,god w\ld be s]v$ greatly3 z to ! mona/]y1 x 0 exp$i5t ,i %\ld be abs5t till ! ,brief came1 because ,satan _h contriv$ a great plot aga9/ ! com+ ( ! ,prov9cial2 t ,i 0 to h no fe>1--,he w\ld help me4 ,i repeat$ ?is to ! rector1 & he told me t ,i mu/ g by all means1 ?\gh o!rs 7 say+ ,i ought n to g1 t x 0 a trick ( ,satan to br+ "s evil ^u me !re1 & t ,i ought to s5d ^w to ! ,prov9cial4 #c4 ,i obey$ ! rector1 & w5t )\t fe>1 because ( :at ,i _h und]/ood 9 pray]1 ?\gh 9 ! greate/ confusion :5 ,i ?\ght ( ! reasons :y !y s5t = me1 & h[ v mu* !y 7 deceiv$4 ,x made me m & m importunate ) our ,"l t ,he w\ld n ab&on me4 ,x 0 a great com=t t !re 0 a h\se ( ! ,society ( ,jesus !re :i!r ,i 0 go+1 & s ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld be 9 "s degree safe "u ! direction ( ^? fa!rs1 z ,i _h be5 "h4 #d4 ,x 0 ! good pleasure ( our ,"l t ! lady :o s5t = me %\ld be s mu* consol$ t a visible improvem5t 0 ! imm$iate result %e 0 com=t$ e day m & m4 ,?is 0 v rem>kable1 because1 z ,i said be=e1 h] suff]+ _h r$uc$ h] to great /raits4 ,our ,"l mu/ h done ?is 9 answ] to ! _m pray]s :i* ! good p ( my acqua9tance made = me1 t ,i might prosp] 9 my "w4 ,%e _h a pr(\nd fe> ( ,god1 & 0 s good1 t h] great devotion suppli$ my defici5cies4 ,%e conceiv$ a great affection = me--,i1 too1 = h]1 because ( h] goodness2 b all 0 z x 7 a cross = me2 = ! com=ts ( h] h\se 7 a great torm5t1 & h] mak+ s mu* ( me made me afraid4 ,i kept my s\l cont9ually recollect$--,i did n d>e to be c>eless3 nor 0 our ,"l c>eless ( me2 = :ile ,i 0 !re1 ,he be/[$ ! greate/ graces ^u me1 & ^? graces made me s free1 & fill$ me ) su* contempt = all ,i saw1--& ! m ,i saw1 ! great] my contempt1--t ,i nev] fail$ to treat ^? ladies1 :om to s]ve w\ld h be5 a great hon\r = me1 ) z mu* fre$om z if ,i _h be5 _! equal4 #e4 ,i d]iv$ v great advantages f ?is1 & ,i said s4 ,i saw t %e 0 a woman1 & z mu* liable to passion & weakness z ,i 02 t rank is ( little wor?1 & ! high] x is1 ! great] ! anxiety & tr\ble x br+s4 ,p mu/ be c>eful ( ! dignity ( _! /ate1 :i* w n suff] !m to live at ease2 !y mu/ eat at fix$ h\rs & by rule1 = ev]y?+ mu/ be accord+ to _! /ate1 & n accord+ to _! con/itutions2 & !y h frequ5tly to take food fitt$ m = _! /ate ?an = _! lik+4 #f4 ,s x 0 t ,i came to hate ! v wi% to be a great lady4 ,god deliv] me f ?is wick$1 artificial life6--?\gh ,i believe t ?is lady1 not)/&+ t %e 0 "o ( ! *ief p]sonages ( ! realm1 0 a woman ( great simplicity1 & t few 7 m humble ?an %e 04 ,i 0 v sorry = h]1 = ,i saw h[ (t5 %e _h to submit to mu* t 0 disagreeable to h]1 because ( ! requirem5ts ( h] rank4 ,!n1 z to s]vants1 ?\gh ?is lady _h v good s]vants1 h[ slight is t little tru/ t may be put 9 !m6 ,"o mu/ n be conv]s$ ) m ?an ano!r2 o!rwise1 he :o is s fav\r$ is envi$ by ! re/4 ,?is ( itself is a slav]y1 & "o ( ! lies ( ! _w is t x calls su* p]sons ma/]s1 :o1 9 my eyes1 are no?+ else b slaves 9 a ?\s& ways4 #g4 ,x 0 our ,"l's pleasure t ! h\sehold ( t lady improv$ 9 ! s]vice ( ,8 ,maje/y dur+ my /ay !re1 ?\gh ,i 0 n exempt$ f "s trials & "s jeal\sies on ! "p ( "s ( its memb]s1 because ( ! great affection _! mi/ress _h = me4 ,!y p]haps mu/ h ?\ght ,i _h "s p]sonal int]e/ to s]ve4 ,our ,"l mu/ h p]mitt$ su* matt]s1 & o!rs ( ! same k9d1 to give me tr\ble1 9 ord] t ,i might n be absorb$ 9 ! com=ts :i* o!rwise ,i _h !re2 & ,he 0 pleas$ to deliv] me out ( x all ) great pr(it to my s\l4 #h4 ,:5 ,i 0 !re1 a religi\s p]son ( great consid]ation1 & ) :om ,i _h conv]s$ occasionally "s ye>s ago1 #b happ5$ to arrive4 ,:5 ,i 0 at ,mass1 9 a mona/]y ( 8 ,ord]1 ne> ! h\se 9 :i* ,i 0 /ay+1 ,i felt a long+ to "k ! /ate ( 8 s\l1--= ,i wi%$ him to be a great s]vant ( ,god1--& ,i rose up 9 ord] to g & speak to him4 ,b z ,i 0 !n recollect$ 9 pray]1 x seem$ to me a wa/e ( "t--= :at _h ,i to d 9 t matt]8--& s ,i return$ to my place4 ,?ree times1 ,i ?9k ,i did ?is1 & at la/ my good angel prevail$ ov] ! evil "o1 & ,i w5t & ask$ = him2 & he came to speak to me 9 "o ( ! confessionals4 ,we began by ask+ "o ano!r ( our pa/ lives1 = we _h n se5 "o ano!r = _m ye>s4 ,i told him t my life _h be5 "o 9 :i* my s\l _h _h _m trials4 ,he insi/$ mu* on my tell+ him :at ^? trials 74 ,i said t !y 7 n to be told1 & t ,i 0 n to tell !m4 ,he repli$ t ! ,dom9ican fa!r1 #c ( :om ,i h spok51 knew !m1 & t1 z !y 7 great fri5ds1 he c\ld le>n !m f him1 & s ,i _h bett] tell !m )\t hesitation4 #i4 ,! fact is1 t x 0 n 9 8 p[] n to insi/1 nor 9 m9e1 ,i believe1 to refuse to speak2 = not)/&+ all ! tr\ble & %ame ,i us$ to feel =m]ly1 ,i spoke ( my /ate1 to him1 & to ! rector :om ,i h ref]r$ to be=e1 #d )\t any difficulty :atev]2 on ! contr>y1 x 0 a great consolation to me2 & s ,i told him all 9 confession4 ,he seem$ to me !n m prud5t ?an ev]2 ?\gh ,i _h always look$ ^u him z a man ( great und]/&+4 ,i consid]$ :at high gifts & end[m5ts = great s]vices he _h1 if he gave himself :olly unto ,god4 ,i _h ?is feel+ n[ = _m ye>s1 s t ,i nev] saw any "o :o pleas$ me mu* )\t wi%+ at once he 7 giv5 :olly unto ,god2 & sometimes ,i feel ?is s ke5ly1 t ,i c h>dly conta9 myself4 ,?\gh ,i long to see ev]ybody s]ve ,god1 yet my desire ab\t ^? :o please me is v vehem5t1 & s ,i importune our ,"l on _! behalf4 #aj4 ,s x happ5$ ) respect to ?is religi\s4 ,he ask$ me to pray mu* = him to ,god4 ,!re 0 no necessity = 8 do+ s1 because ,i c\ld n d any?+ else1 & s ,i w5t back to my place :]e ,i 0 9 ! habit ( pray+ alone1 & began to pray to our ,"l1 be+ extremely recollect$1 9 t my simple1 silly way1 :5 ,i speak )\t kn[+ v (t5 :at ,i am say+4 ,x is love t speaks1 & my s\l is s beside itself1 t ,i d n reg>d ! di/ance betwe5 x & ,god4 ,t love :i* ,i "k ,8 ,maje/y has = x makes x =get itself1 & ?9k itself to be "o ) ,him2 & s1 z be+ "o ) ,him1 & n divid$ f ,him1 ! s\l speaks fooli%ly4 ,:5 ,i _h pray$ ) _m te>s t ! s\l ( ?is religi\s might s]ve ,him truly1--=1 ?\gh ,i consid]$ x good1 x 0 n en\gh = me2 ,i w\ld h x mu* bett]1--,i rememb] ,i said1 ,o ,"l1 ,?\ mu/ n refuse me ?is grace2 behold him1--he is a fit p]son to be our fri5d4 #aa4 ,oh1 ! great goodness & compassion ( ,god6 ,h[ ,he reg>ds n ! words1 b ! desire & ! w ) :i* !y are spok56 ,h[ ,he suff]$ su* a "o z ,i am to speak s boldly be=e ,8 ,maje/y6 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]more6 #ab4 ,i rememb] t dur+ ^? h\rs ( pray] on t v night ,i 0 extremely di/ress$ by ! ?\ght :e!r ,i 0 9 ! grace ( ,god1 & t ,i c\ld nev] "k :e!r ,i 0 s or n1--n t ,i wi%$ to "k x2 ,i wi%$1 h[ev]1 to die1 9 ord] t ,i might n live a life 9 :i* ,i 0 n sure t ,i 0 n dead 9 s91 = !re c\ld be no dea? m dreadful = me ?an to ?9k t ,i _h s9n$ aga9/ ,god4 ,i 0 9 great /raits at ?is ?\ght4 ,i implor$ ,him n to suff] me to fall into s91 ) great sweetness1 dissolv$ 9 te>s4 ,!n ,i he>d t ,i might console myself1 & tru/ #e t ,i 0 9 a /ate ( grace1 because a love ( ,god l m9e1 toge!r ) ! graces & feel+s ) :i* ,8 ,maje/y fill$ my s\l1 0 ( su* a nature z to be inconsi/5t ) a /ate ( mortal s94 #ac4 ,i 0 n[ confid5t t our ,"l w\ld grant my pray] z to t religi\s4 ,he bade me repeat c]ta9 words to him4 ,?is ,i felt mu*1 because ,i knew n h[ to speak to him2 = ?is c>ry+ messages to a ?ird p]son1 z ,i h said1 #f is :at ,i h always felt ! mo/1 especially :5 ,i did n "k h[ t p]son w\ld take !m1 nor :e!r he w\ld n laugh at me4 ,?is plac$ me 9 great difficulties1 b at la/ ,i 0 s conv9c$ ,i ought to d x1 t ,i believe ,i made a promise to ,god ,i w\ld n neglect t message2 & because ( ! great %ame ,i felt1 ,i wrote x out1 & gave x 9 t way4 ,! result %[$ cle>ly en\gh t x 0 a message f ,god1 = t religi\s resolv$ ) great e>ne/ness to give himself to pray]1 ?\gh he did n d s at once4 ,our ,"l w\ld h him = ,himself1 s ,he s5t me to tell him c]ta9 tru?s :i*1 )\t my und]/&+ !m1 7 s mu* to ! purpose t he 0 a/oni%$4 ,our ,"l mu/ h prep>$ him to receive !m z f ,8 ,maje/y2 & ?\gh ,i am b a mis]able s9n] myself1 yet ,i made _m supplications to our ,"l to conv]t him ?or\ghly1 & to make him hate ! pleasures & ! ?+s ( ?is life4 ,& s he did--bless$ be ,god6--= e "t t he spoke to me ,i 0 9 a mann] beside myself2 & if ,i _h n se5 x1 ,i %\ld nev] h believ$ t our ,"l w\ld h giv5 him 9 s %ort a "t graces s matur$1 & fill$ him s full ( ,god1 t he seem$ to be alive to no?+ on e>?4 #ad4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y hold him 9 ,8 h&6 ,if he w g on--& ,i tru/ 9 our ,"l he w d s1 n[ t he is s well gr\nd$ 9 ! k ( himself--he w be "o ( ! mo/ di/+ui%$ s]vants ( ,god1 to ! great pr(it ( _m s\ls1 because he has 9 a %ort "t _h great exp]i5ce 9 spiritual ?+s3 t is a gift ( ,god1 :i* ,he gives :5 ,he w & z ,he w1 & x dep5ds n on l5g? ( "t nor ext5t ( s]vice4 ,i d n mean t "t & s]vice1 are n great helps1 b v (t5 our ,"l w n give to "s 9 tw5ty ye>s ! grace ( contemplation1 :ile ,he gives x to o!rs 9 "o1--,8 ,maje/y kn[e? :y4 ,we are "u a delusion :5 we ?9k t 9 ! c\rse ( ye>s we %all come to ! k ( t :i* we c 9 no way atta9 to b by exp]i5ce2 & ?us _m are 9 error1 z ,i h said #g :5 !y w\ld und]/& spirituality )\t be+ spiritual !mselves4 ,i d n mean t a man :o is n spiritual1 if he is le>n$1 may n direct "o t is spiritual2 b x mu/ be und]/ood t 9 outw>d & inw>d ?+s1 9 ! ord] ( nature1 ! direction mu/ be an act ( reason2 & 9 sup]natural ?+s1 accord+ to ! tea*+ ( ! sacr$ writ+s4 ,9 o!r matt]s1 let him n di/ress himself1 nor ?9k t he c und]/& t :i* he und]/&e? n2 nei!r let him qu5* ! ,_s2 #h = n[ ano!r ,ma/]1 great] ?an he1 is direct+ ^! s\ls1 s t !y are n left )\t au?ority ov] !m4 #ae4 ,he mu/ n be a/oni%$ at ?is1 nor ?9k x impossible3 all ?+s are possible to our ,"l2 #i he mu/ /rive r to /r5g!n 8 fai?1 & humble himself1 because 9 ?is matt] our ,"l imp>ts p]haps a deep] k to "s old woman ?an to him1 ?\gh he may be a v le>n$ man4 ,be+ ?us humble1 he w pr(it s\ls & himself m ?an if he affect$ to be a contemplative )\t be+ s2 =1 ,i repeat x1 if he h no exp]i5ce1 if he h n a mo/ pr(\nd humility1 :]eby he may see t he does n und]/&1 & t ! ?+ is n = t reason impossible1 he w d himself b little good1 & /ill less to 8 p5it5t4 ,b if he is humble1 let him h no fe> t our ,"l w all[ ei!r ! "o or ! o!r to fall into delusion4 #af4 ,n[ z to ?is fa!r ,i am speak+ (1 z our ,"l has giv5 him light 9 _m ?+s1 s has he lab\r$ to f9d out by /udy t :i* 9 ?is matt] c be by /udy asc]ta9$2 = he is a v le>n$ man1 & t ( :i* he has no exp]i5ce himself he seeks to f9d out f ^? :o h x1--& our ,"l helps him by increas+ 8 fai?1 & s he has greatly b5efit$ himself & "s o!r s\ls1 ( :om m9e is "o4 ,z our ,"l knew ! trials ,i _h to und]go1 ,8 ,maje/y seems to h provid$ t1 :5 ,he took away unto ,himself "s ( ^? :o direct$ me1 o!rs might rema91 :o help$ me 9 my great afflictions1 & r5d]$ me great s]vices4 #ag4 ,our ,"l wr\ght a complete *ange 9 ?is fa!r1 s mu* s t he sc>cely knew himself1 s to speak4 ,he has giv5 him bodily heal?1 s t he may d p5ance1 su* z he nev] _h be=e2 = he 0 sickly4 ,he has giv5 him c\rage to und]take good works1 ) o!r gifts1 s t he seems to h receiv$ a mo/ special vocation f our ,"l4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 #ah4 ,all ^! bless+s1 ,i believe1 came to him ?r\gh ! graces our ,"l be/[$ ^u him 9 pray]2 = !y are real4 ,x has be5 our ,"l's pleasure already to try him 9 c]ta9 difficulties1 out ( :i* he has come =? l "o :o kn[s ! true wor? ( t m]it :i* is ga9$ by suff]+ p]secutions4 ,i tru/ 9 ! munific5ce ( our ,"l t great good w1 by 8 means1 accrue to "s ( 8 ,ord] & to ! ,ord] itself4 ,?is is beg9n+ to be und]/ood4 ,i h _h great visions on ! subject1 & our ,"l has told me wond]ful ?+s ( him & ( ! ,rector ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 :om ,i am speak+ (1 #aj & also ( two o!r religi\s ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic1 p>ticul>ly ( "o :o1 to 8 own pr(it1 has actually le>n$ ( our ,"l c]ta9 ?+s :i* ,i _h =m]ly und]/ood ( him4 ,b !re 7 great] ?+s made kn[n ( him to :om ,i am n[ ref]r+3 "o ( !m ,i w n[ relate4 #ai4 ,i 0 ) him once 9 ! p>l\r1 :5 9 my s\l & _s ,i felt :at great love burn$ )9 him1 & became z x 7 lo/ 9 ec/asy by consid]+ ! greatness ( ,god1 :o _h rais$ t s\l 9 s %ort a "t to a /ate s high4 ,x made me a%am$ ( myself :5 ,i saw him li/5 ) s mu* humility to :at ,i 0 say+ ab\t c]ta9 matt]s ( pray]1 :5 ,i _h s little myself t ,i c\ld speak on ! subject to "o l him4 ,our ,"l mu/ h borne ) me 9 ?is on acc\nt ( ! great desire ,i _h to see t religi\s mak+ great progress4 ,my int]view ) him did me great good1--x seems z if x left a new fire 9 my s\l1 burn+ ) desire to s]ve our ,"l z 9 ! beg9n+4 ,o my ,jesus6 :at is a s\l on fire ) ,?y love6 ,h[ we ought to prize x1 & implore our ,"l to let x live long ^u e>?6 ,he :o has ?is love %\ld foll[ aft] su* s\ls1 if x be possible4 #bj4 ,x is a great ?+ = a p]son ill ( ?is disease to f9d ano!r /ruck d[n by x1--x com=ts him mu* to see t he is n alone2 !y help "o ano!r greatly to suff] & to m]it4 ,!y are /rong ) a d\ble /r5g? :o are resolv$ to risk a ?\s& lives = ,god1 & :o long = an opportunity ( los+ !m4 ,!y are l soldi]s :o1 to acquire booty1 & !re) enri* !mselves1 wi% = w>1 kn[+ well t !y _c become ri* )\t x4 ,?is is _! "w--to suff]4 ,oh1 :at a bless+ x is :5 our ,"l gives light to und]/& h[ great is ! ga9 ( suff]+ = ,him6 ,?is is nev] und]/ood till we h left all ?+s2 = if anybody is atta*$ to any "o ?+1 t is a pro( t he sets "s value ^u x2 & if he sets any value ^u x1 x is pa9ful to be compell$ to give x up4 ,9 t case1 ev]y?+ is imp]fect & lo/4 ,! say+ is to ! purpose "h1--he :o foll[s :at is lo/1 is lo/ himself2 & :at great] loss1 :at great] bl9dness1 :at great] calamity1 c !re be ?an mak+ mu* ( t :i* is no?+6 #ba4 ,i n[ return to t :i* ,i _h begun to speak (4 ,i 0 9 ! greate/ joy1 behold+ t s\l4 ,x seem$ z if our ,"l w\ld h me see cle>ly ! treasures ,he _h laid up 9 x2 & s1 :5 ,i consid]$ ! fav\r our ,"l _h %[n me1 9 t ,i %\ld be ! means ( s great a good1 ,i recognis$ my own unwor?9ess = su* an end4 ,i ?\ght mu* ( ! graces our ,"l _h giv5 him1 & held myself z indebt$ = !m m ?an if !y _h be5 giv5 to myself4 ,s ,i gave ?anks to our ,"l1 :5 ,i saw t ,8 ,maje/y _h fulfill$ my desires & he>d my petition t ,he w\ld raise up p]sons l him4 ,& n[ my s\l1 no long] able to be> ! joy t fill$ x1 w5t =? out ( itself1 los+ itself t x might ga9 ! m4 ,x lo/ sight ( ! reflections x 0 mak+2 & ! he>+ ( t div9e language :i* ! ,holy ,gho/ seem$ to speak ?rew me into a deep trance1 :i* almo/ depriv$ me ( all s5se1 ?\gh x did n la/ long4 ,i saw ,*ri/1 9 exce$+ great maje/y & glory1 manife/+ ,8 joy at :at 0 !n pass+4 ,he told me z mu*1 & x 0 ,8 pleasure t ,i %\ld cle>ly see t ,he 0 always pres5t at simil> int]views1 & h[ mu* ,he 0 pleas$ :5 p ?us f\nd _! delight 9 speak+ ( ,him4 #bb4 ,on ano!r occasion1 :5 f> away f ?is place1 ,i saw him c>ri$ by angels 9 great glory4 ,i und]/ood by t vision t 8 s\l 0 mak+ great progress3 s x 02 = an evil report 0 spread abroad aga9/ him by "o to :om he _h r5d]$ a great s]vice1 & ^: reputation & ^: s\l he _h sav$4 ,he bore x ) mu* joy4 ,he did also o!r ?+s greatly to ! hon\r ( ,god1 & und]w5t m p]secutions4 ,i d n ?9k x exp$i5t n[ to speak fur!r on ?is po9t2 if1 h[ev]1 y1 my fa!r1 :o "k all1 %\ld h]eaft] ?9k o!rwise1 m might be said to ! glory ( our ,"l4 #bc4 ,all ! prophecies spok5 ( be=e1 #aa relat+ to ?is h\se1 z well z o!rs1 ( :i* ,i %all speak h]eaft]1 relat+ to x & to o!r matt]s1 h be5 accompli%$4 ,"s ( !m our ,"l reveal$ to me ?ree ye>s be=e !y became kn[n1 o!rs e>li] & o!rs lat]4 ,b ,i always made !m kn[n to my confessor1 & to ! wid[ my fri5d2 = ,i _h leave to communicate ) h]1 z ,i said be=e4 #ab ,%e1 ,i "k1 repeat$ !m to o!rs1 & ^! "k t ,i lie n4 ,may ,god nev] p]mit me1 9 any matt] :atev]1--mu* m 9 ?+s ( ?is importance1--to say any?+ b ! :ole tru?6 #bd4 ,"o ( my bro!rs-9-law #ac di$ sudd5ly2 & z ,i 0 9 great di/ress at ?is1 because he _h no opportunity ( mak+ 8 confession1 our ,"l said to me 9 pray] t my si/] also 0 to die 9 ! same way2 t ,i mu/ g to h]1 & make h] prep>e h]self = su* an end4 ,i told ?is to my confessor2 b z he w\ld n let me g1 ,i he>d ! same w>n+ aga92 & n[1 :5 he saw ?is1 he told me ,i might g1 & t ,i %\ld lose no?+ by go+4 ,my si/] 0 liv+ 9 ! c\ntry2 & z ,i did n tell h] :y ,i came1 ,i gave h] :at light ,i c\ld 9 all ?+s4 ,i made h] g frequ5tly to confession1 & look to h] s\l 9 ev]y?+4 ,%e 0 v good1 & did z ,i ask$ h]4 ,f\r or five ye>s aft] %e _h begun ?is practice1 & keep+ a /rict wat* ov] h] consci5ce1 %e di$1 ) nobody ne> h]1 & )\t be+ able to g to confession4 ,?is 0 a bless+ to h]1 = x 0 little m ?an a week s9ce %e _h be5 to h] accu/om$ confession4 ,x 0 a great joy to me :5 ,i he>d ( h] dea?4 ,%e 0 b a %ort "t 9 purgatory4 #be4 ,i d n ?9k x 0 q eight days aft]w>ds :51 aft] ,communion1 our ,"l appe>$ to me1 & 0 pleas$ t ,i %\ld see ,him receive my si/] into glory4 ,dur+ all ^? ye>s1 aft] our ,"l _h spok5 to me1 until h] dea?1 :at ,i !n le>nt ) respect to h] 0 nev] =gott5 ei!r by myself or by my fri5d1 :o1 :5 my si/] 0 ?us dead1 came to me 9 great amazem5t at ! fulfilm5t ( ! prophecy4 ,god be prais$ = ev]1 :o takes su* c>e ( s\ls t !y may n be lo/6 #a4 ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 si/] ( ! ,duke ( ,m$9a-,coeli1 0 n[ ! wid[ ( ,arias ,p>do1 ,m>%al ( ,ca/ille1 ,"l ( ,malagon & ,p>acuellos4 ,don ,arias 0 nephew ( ,c>d9al ,tab]a1 ,ar*bi%op ( ,tol$o 7,de la ,fu5te74 #b4 ,f4 ,vic5te ,b>ron1 ,dom9ican 7see *4 v4 #h71 accord+ to ,f4 ,b\ix1 on ! au?ority ( ,rib]a & ,yepez2 b ! ,c>melite ,fa!r1 ,fr4 ,antonio ( ,/4 ,joseph1 9 8 note on ! fir/ ,fragm5t 7,lett]s1 vol4 iv4 p4 #djh71 says t x 0 ,fr4 ,g>cia ( ,tol$o1 bro!r ( ,don ,f]n&o1 ,duke ( ,alva2 & ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te ?9ks ! op9ion ( ,fr4 ,antonio ! m probable4 #c4 ,p$ro ,ibaez 7,b\ix74 #d4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #aa4 #e4 ,fa!r ,b\ix says t "h ! ^w confi>1 tru/1 9 ! pr9t$ text1 has be5 sub/itut$ by "s "o = ! words e/> ci]ta1 be c]ta91 :i* he f\nd 9 ! ,,ms4 ,b ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te reta9s ! old read+ confi>1 & makes no obs]vation on ! alleg$ discrepancy betwe5 ! ,,ms4 & ! pr9t$ text4 ,! obs]vation ( ,f4 ,b\ix1 h[ev]1 is m important1 & des]ves cr$it1--= ,don ,vic5te may h fail$1 ?r\gh m]e inadv]t5ce1 to see :at ,f4 ,b\ix saw2 & x is also to be rememb]$ t ,don ,vic5te does n say t ! ,,ms4 on ?is po9t has be5 s closely inspect$ z to ?r[ any d\bt on ! positive te/imony ( ,f4 ,b\ix4 ,six ye>s aft] ?is note 0 writt5 ,don ,vic5te publi%$ a facsimile by photography ( ! orig9al text 9 ! h&writ+ ( ! ,sa9t1 pres]v$ 9 ! ,escurial4 ,! words are n confi>1 b e/> ci]ta4 #f4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #ab4 #g4 ,*4 xiv4 #aj4 #h4 #a ,!ss4 v4 #ai3 ,spiritum nolite ext+u]e4 #i4 ,/4 ,matt4 xix4 #bf3 ,apud ,deum autem omnia possibilia sunt4 #aj4 ,f4 ,gasp> de ,salaz>4 #aa4 ,*4 xxvi4 #c4 #ab4 ,*4 xxx4 #c4 ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa4 #ac4 ,don ,m>t9 de ,guzman y ,b>ri5tos1 husb& ( ,m>ia de ,cep$a1 ! ,sa9t's si/]4 ,*apt] ,,xxxv4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,h\se ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,! ,obs]vation ( ,holy ,pov]ty ,!re94 ,h[ ! ,sa9t ,left ,tol$o4 #a4 ,:5 ,i 0 /ay+ ) ?is lady1 #a already spok5 (1 9 ^: h\se ,i rema9$ m ?an six mon?s1 our ,"l orda9$ t a holy woman #b ( our ,ord] %\ld he> ( me1 :o 0 m ?an sev5ty leagues away f ! place4 ,%e happ5$ to travel ?is way1 & w5t "s leagues out ( h] road t %e might see me4 ,our ,"l _h mov$ h] 9 ! same ye>1 & 9 ! same mon? ( ! ye>1 t ,he _h mov$ me1 to f\nd ano!r mona/]y ( ! ,ord]2 & z ,he _h giv5 h] ?is desire1 %e sold all %e possess$1 & w5t to ,rome to obta9 ! necess>y faculties4 ,%e w5t on foot1 & b>efoot$4 ,%e is a woman ( great p5ance & pray]1 & "o to :om our ,"l gave _m graces2 & our ,lady appe>$ to h]1 & comm&$ h] to und]take ?is "w4 ,h] progress 9 ! s]vice ( our ,"l 0 s mu* great] ?an m9e1 t ,i 0 a%am$ to /& 9 h] pres5ce4 ,%e %[$ me ,briefs %e br\ght f ,rome1 & dur+ ! =tnight %e rema9$ ) me we laid our plan = ! f\nd+ ( ^! mona/]ies4 #b4 ,until ,i spoke to h]1 ,i nev] knew t our rule1 be=e x 0 mitigat$1 requir$ ( u t we %\ld possess no?+2 #c nor 0 ,i go+ to f\nd a mona/]y )\t rev5ue1 #d = my int5tion 0 t we %\ld be )\t anxiety ab\t all t 0 necess>y = u1 & ,i did n ?9k ( ! _m anxieties :i* ! possession ( prop]ty br+s 9 its tra94 ,?is holy woman1 taught ( our ,"l1 p]fectly und]/ood--?\gh %e c\ld n read--:at ,i 0 ignorant (1 not)/&+ my hav+ read ! ,con/itutions #e s (t52 & :5 %e told me ( x1 ,i ?\ght x "r1 ?\gh ,i fe>$ !y w\ld nev] cons5t to ?is1 b w\ld tell me ,i 0 committ+ follies1 & t ,i ought n to d any?+ :]eby ,i might br+ suff]+ ^u o!rs4 ,if ?is conc]n$ only myself1 no?+ %\ld h kept me back1--on ! contr>y1 x w\ld h be5 my great joy to ?9k t ,i 0 obs]v+ ! c\nsels ( ,*ri/ our ,"l2 = ,8 ,maje/y _h already giv5 me great long+s = pov]ty4 #f #c4 ,z = myself1 ,i nev] d\bt$ t ?is 0 ! bett] "p2 = ,i _h n[ = "s "t wi%$ x 7 possible 9 my /ate to g ab\t begg+1 = ! love ( ,god--to h no h\se ( my own1 nor any?+ else4 ,b ,i 0 afraid t o!rs--if our ,"l did n give !m ! same desire--might live 9 discont5t4 ,moreov]1 ,i fe>$ t x might be ! cause ( "s di/raction3 = ,i knew "s poor mona/]ies n v recollect$1 & ,i did n consid] t _! n be+ recollect$ 0 ! cause ( _! pov]ty1 & t _! pov]ty 0 n ! cause ( _! di/raction3 di/raction nev] makes p ri*]1 & ,god nev] fails ^? :o s]ve ,him4 ,9 %ort1 ,i 0 weak 9 fai?2 b n s ?is s]vant ( ,god4 #d4 ,z ,i took ! advice ( _m 9 ev]y?+1 ,i f\nd sc>cely any "o ( ?is op9ion--nei!r my confessor1 nor ! le>n$ m5 to :om ,i spoke ( x4 ,!y gave me s _m reasons ! o!r way1 t ,i did n "k :at to d4 ,b :5 ,i saw :at ! rule requir$1 & t pov]ty 0 ! m p]fect way1 ,i c\ld n p]suade myself to all[ an end[m5t4 ,& ?\gh !y did p]suade me n[ & !n t !y 7 "r1 yet1 :5 ,i return$ to my pray]1 & saw ,*ri/ on ! cross1 s poor & de/itute1 ,i c\ld n be> to be ri*1 & ,i implor$ ,him ) te>s s to ord] matt]s t ,i might be poor z ,he 04 #e4 ,i f\nd t s _m inconv5i5ces result$ f an end[m5t1 & saw t x 0 ! cause ( s mu* tr\ble1 & ev5 di/raction1 t ,i did no?+ b dispute ) ! le>n$4 ,i wrote to t ,dom9ican fri> #g :o 0 help+ u1 & he s5t back two %eets by way ( reply1 full ( objections & !ology aga9/ my plan1 tell+ me t he _h ?\ght mu* on ! subject4 ,i answ]$ t1 9 ord] to escape f my vocation1 ! v[ ( pov]ty ,i _h made1 & ! p]fect obs]vance ( ! c\nsels ( ,*ri/1 ,i did n want any !ology to help me1 & 9 ?is case ,i %\ld n ?ank him = 8 le>n+4 ,if ,i f\nd any "o :o w\ld help me1 x pleas$ me mu*4 ,! lady 9 ^: h\se ,i 0 /ay+ 0 a great help to me 9 ?is matt]4 ,"s at fir/ told me t !y agre$ ) me2 aft]w>ds1 :5 !y _h consid]$ ! matt] long]1 !y f\nd 9 x s _m inconv5i5ces t !y insi/$ on my giv+ x up4 ,i told !m t1 ?\gh !y *ang$ _! op9ion s quickly1 ,i w\ld abide by ! fir/4 #f4 ,at ?is "t1 because ( my entreaties1--= ! lady _h nev] se5 ! holy fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1--x pleas$ our ,"l to br+ him to h] h\se4 ,z he 0 a great lov] ( pov]ty1 & _h liv$ 9 x = s _m ye>s1 he knew well ! treasures x conta9s1 & s he 0 a great help to me2 he *>g$ me on no acc\nt :atev] to give up my purpose4 ,n[1 hav+ ?is op9ion & sanction1--no "o 0 bett] able to give x1 because he knew :at x 0 by long exp]i5ce1--,i made up my m9d to seek no fur!r advice4 #g4 ,"o day1 :5 ,i 0 v e>ne/ly comm5d+ ! matt] to ,god1 our ,"l told me t ,i mu/ by no means give up my purpose ( f\nd+ ! mona/]y 9 pov]ty2 x 0 ,8 w1 & ! w ( ,8 ,fa!r3 ,he w\ld help me4 ,i 0 9 a trance2 & ! effects 7 su*1 t ,i c\ld h no d\bt x came f ,god4 ,on ano!r occasion1 ,he said to me t end[m5ts br$ confusion1 ) o!r ?+s 9 praise ( pov]ty2 & assur$ me t :osoev] s]v$ ,him w\ld nev] be 9 want ( ! necess>y means ( liv+3 & ?is want1 z ,i h said1 #h ,i nev] fe>$ myself4 ,our ,"l *ang$ ! dispositions also ( ! lic5tiate1--,i am speak+ ( ! ,dom9ican fri>1 #i--:o1 z ,i said1 wrote to me t ,i %\ld n f\nd ! mona/]y )\t an end[m5t4 ,n[1 ,i 0 9 ! greate/ joy at he>+ ?is2 & hav+ ^! op9ions 9 my fav\r1 x seem$ to me no?+ less ?an ! possession ( all ! weal? ( ! _w1 :5 ,i _h resolv$ to live 9 pov]ty = ! love ( ,god4 #h4 ,at ?is "t1 my ,prov9cial )drew ! ord] & ! ob$i5ce1 9 virtue ( :i* ,i 0 /ay+ 9 t h\se4 #aj ,he left x to me to d z ,i lik$3 if ,i wi%$ to return ,i might d s2 if ,i wi%$ to rema9 ,i might also d s = a c]ta9 "t4 ,b dur+ t "t ! elections 9 my mona/]y #aa w\ld take place & ,i 0 told t _m ( ! nuns wi%$ to lay on me ! burd5 ( sup]ior%ip4 ,! v ?\ght ( ?is alone 0 a great torm5t to me2 = ?\gh ,i 0 resolv$ to und]go readily any k9d ( m>tyrdom = ,god1 ,i c\ld n p]suade myself at all to accept ?is2 =1 putt+ aside ! great tr\ble x involv$1--because ! nuns 7 s _m1--& o!r reasons1 su* z t ,i nev] wi%$ = x1 nor = any o!r (fice1--on ! contr>y1 _h always refus$ !m1--x seem$ to me t my consci5ce w\ld be 9 great dang]2 & s ,i prais$ ,god t ,i 0 n !n 9 my conv5t4 ,i wrote to my fri5ds & ask$ !m n to vote = me4 #i4 ,:5 ,i 0 rejoic+ t ,i 0 n 9 t tr\ble1 our ,"l said to me t ,i 0 on no acc\nt to keep away2 t z ,i long$ = a cross1 !re 0 "o ready = me1 & t a heavy "o3 t ,i 0 n to ?r[ x away1 b g on ) resolution2 ,he w\ld help me1 & ,i mu/ g at once4 ,i 0 v mu* di/ress$1 & did no?+ b weep1 because ,i ?\ght t my cross 0 to be ! (fice ( prioress2 &1 z ,i h j said1 ,i c\ld n p]suade myself t x w\ld be at all good = my s\l--nor c\ld ,i see any means by :i* x w\ld be4 ,i told my confessor ( x1 & he comm&$ me to return at once3 t to d s 0 cle>ly ! mo/ p]fect way2 & t1 because ! heat 0 v great1--x w\ld be en\gh if ,i arriv$ be=e ! election1--,i might wait a few days1 9 ord] t my j\rney might d me no h>m4 #aj4 ,b our ,"l _h ord]$ x o!rwise4 ,i _h to g at once1 because ! uneas9ess ,i felt 0 v great2 & ,i 0 unable to pray1 & ?\ght ,i 0 fail+ 9 ob$i5ce to ! comm&m5ts ( our ,"l1 & t z ,i 0 happy & cont5t$ :]e ,i 01 ,i w\ld n g to meet tr\ble4 ,all my s]vice ( ,god !re 0 lip-s]vice3 :y did ,i1 hav+ ! opportunity ( liv+ 9 great] p]fection1 neglect x8 ,if ,i di$ on ! road1 let me die4 ,besides1 my s\l 0 9 great /raits1 & our ,"l _h tak5 f me all sweetness 9 pray]4 ,9 %ort1 ,i 0 9 su* a /ate ( torm5t1 t ,i begg$ ! lady to let me g2 = my confessor1 :5 he saw ! plight ,i 0 91 _h already told me to g1 ,god hav+ mov$ him z ,he _h mov$ me4 ,! lady felt my dep>ture v mu*1 & t 0 ano!r pa9 to be>2 = x _h co/ h] mu* tr\ble1 & div]se importunities ( ! ,prov9cial1 to h me 9 h] h\se4 #aa4 ,i consid]$ x a v great ?+ = h] to h giv5 h] cons5t1 :5 %e felt x s mu*2 b1 z %e 0 a p]son :o fe>$ ,god exce$+ly1--& z ,i told h]1 among _m o!r reasons1 t my go+ away t5d$ greatly to ,8 s]vice1 & held out ! hope t ,i might possibly return1--%e gave way1 b ) mu* sorr[4 ,i 0 n[ n sorry myself at com+ away1 = ,i knew t x 0 an act ( great] p]fection1 & = ! s]vice ( ,god4 ,s ! pleasure ,i _h 9 pleas+ ,god took away ! pa9 ( quitt+ t lady1--:om ,i saw suff]+ s ke5ly1--& o!rs to :om ,i ow$ mu*1 p>ticul>ly my confessor ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 9 :om ,i f\nd all ,i ne$$4 ,b ! great] ! consolations ,i lo/ = our ,"l's sake1 ! great] 0 my joy 9 los+ !m4 ,i c\ld n und]/& x1 = ,i _h a cle> consci\sness ( ^! two contr>y feel+s--pleasure1 consolation1 & joy 9 t :i* weigh$ d[n my s\l ) sadness4 ,i 0 joyful & tranquil1 & _h opportunities ( sp5d+ _m h\rs 9 pray]2 & ,i saw t ,i 0 go+ to ?r[ myself into a fire2 = our ,"l _h already told me t ,i 0 go+ to c>ry a heavy cross1--?\gh ,i nev] ?\ght x w\ld be s heavy z ,i aft]w>ds f\nd x to be1--yet ,i w5t =? rejoic+4 ,i 0 di/ress$ because ,i _h n already begun ! fight1 s9ce x 0 our ,"l's w t ,i %\ld be 9 x4 ,?us ,8 ,maje/y gave me /r5g?1 & e/abli%$ x 9 my weakness4 #ab #ab4 ,z ,i h j said1 ,i c\ld n und]/& h[ ?is c\ld be4 ,i ?\ght ( ?is illu/ration3 if ,i 7 possess$ ( a jewel1 or any o!r ?+ :i* gave me great pleasure1 & x came to my k t a p]son :om ,i lov$ m ?an myself1 & ^: satisfaction ,i pref]r$ to my own1 wi%$ to h x1 x w\ld give me great pleasure to deprive myself ( x1 because ,i w\ld give all ,i possess$ to please t p]son4 ,n[1 z ! pleasure ( giv+ pleasure to t p]son surpasses any pleasure ,i h 9 t jewel myself1 ,i %\ld n be di/ress$ 9 giv+ away t or any?+ else ,i lov$1 nor at ! loss ( t pleasure :i* ! possession ( x gave me4 ,s n[1 ?\gh ,i wi%$ to feel "s di/ress :5 ,i saw t ^? :om ,i 0 leav+ felt my go+ s mu*1 yet1 not)/&+ my naturally grateful disposition1--:i*1 "u o!r circum/ances1 w\ld h be5 en\gh to h caus$ me great pa91--at ?is "t1 ?\gh ,i wi%$ to feel x1 ,i c\ld feel none4 #ac4 ,! delay ( ano!r day 0 s s]i\s a matt] 9 ! affairs ( ?is holy h\se1 t ,i "k n h[ !y w\ld h be5 settl$ if ,i _h wait$4 ,oh1 ,god is great6 ,i am (t5 lo/ 9 wond] :5 ,i consid] & see ! special help :i* ,8 ,maje/y gave me t[>ds ! e/abli%m5t ( ?is little cell ( ,god1--= su* ,i believe x to be1--! lodg+ :]e9 ,8 ,maje/y delights2 = once1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 ,he told me t ?is h\se 0 ! p>adise ( 8 delight4 #ac ,x seems1 !n1 t ,8 ,maje/y has *os5 ^! :om he has drawn hi!r1 among :om ,i am liv+ v mu* a%am$ ( myself4 #ad ,i c\ld n h ev5 wi%$ = s\ls su* z !y are = ! purpose ( ?is h\se1 :]e enclosure1 pov]ty1 & pray] are s /rictly obs]v$2 !y submit ) s mu* joy & cont5tm5t1 t e "o ( !m ?9ks h]self unwor?y ( ! grace ( be+ receiv$ into x1--"s ( !m p>ticul>ly2 = our ,"l has call$ !m out ( ! vanity & dissipation ( ! _w1 9 :i*1 accord+ to its laws1 !y might h liv$ cont5t$4 ,our ,"l has multipli$ _! joy1 s t !y see cle>ly h[ ,he _h giv5 !m a hundr$fold = ! "o ?+ !y h left1 #ae & = :i* !y _c ?ank ,8 ,maje/y en\gh4 ,o!rs ,he has advanc$ f well to bett]4 ,to ! "y ,he gives c\rage & k1 s t !y may desire no?+ else1 & also to und]/& t to live away f all ?+s 9 ?is life is to live 9 great] peace ev5 "h bel[4 ,to ^? :o are no long] "y1 & ^: heal? is weak1 ,he gives--& has giv5--! /r5g? to und]go ! same au/]ities & p5ance ) all ! o!rs4 #ad4 ,o my ,"l6 h[ ,?\ do/ %[ ,?y p[]6 ,!re is no ne$ to seek reasons = ,?y w2 = ) ,!e1 aga9/ all natural reason1 all ?+s are possible3 s t ?\ tea*e/ cle>ly !re is no ne$ ( any?+ b ( lov+ ,!e #af 9 e>ne/1 & really giv+ up ev]y?+ = ,!e1 9 ord] t ,?\1 ,o my ,"l1 might make ev]y?+ easy4 ,x is well said t ,?\ feigne/ to make ,?y law difficult3 #ag ,i d n see x1 nor d ,i feel t ! way t leade? unto ,!e is n>r[4 ,i see x z a royal road1 & n a pa?way2 a road ^u :i* :osoev] really ent]s1 travels mo/ securely4 ,no m\nta9 passes & no cliffs are ne> x3 ^! are ! occasions ( s94 ,i call t a pass1--a dang]\s pass1--& a n>r[ road1 :i* has on "o side a deep holl[1 into :i* "o /umbles1 & on ! o!r a precipice1 ov] :i* !y :o are c>eless fall1 & are da%$ to pieces4 ,he :o loves ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 travels safely by ! op5 & royal road1 f> away f ! precipice3 he has sc>cely /umbl$ at all1 :5 ,?\ /ret*e/ =? ,?y h& to save him4 ,"o fall--yea1 _m falls--if he does b love ,!e1 & n ! ?+s ( ! _w1 are n en\gh to make him p]i%2 he travels 9 ! valley ( humility4 ,i _c und]/& :at x is t makes m5 afraid ( ! way ( p]fection4 #ae4 ,may our ,"l ( ,8 m]cy make u see :at a poor security we h 9 ! mid/ ( dang]s s manife/1 :5 we live l ! re/ ( ! _w2 & t true security consi/s 9 /riv+ to advance 9 ! way ( ,god6 ,let u fix our eyes ^u ,him1 & h no fe> t ! ,sun ( ju/ice w ev] set1 or suff] u to travel to our ru9 by night1 unless we fir/ look away f ,him4 ,p are n afraid ( liv+ 9 ! mid/ ( lions1 e "o ( :om seems eag] to te> !m3 ,i am speak+ ( hon\rs1 pleasures1 & ! l joys1 z ! _w calls !m3 & h]e9 ! devil seems to make u afraid ( gho/s4 ,i am a/oni%$ a ?\s& times1 & t5 ?\s& times w\ld ,i relieve myself by weep+1 & proclaim al\d my own great bl9dness & wick$ness1 if1 p]*ance1 x might help 9 "s measure to op5 _! eyes4 ,may ,he1 :o is almighty1 ( ,8 goodness op5 _! eyes1 & nev] suff] m9e to be bl9d aga96 #a4 ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da4 #b4 ,m>ia ( ,jesus 0 ! daught] ( a ,report] ( ,causes 9 ! ,*anc]y ( ,granada2 b 8 "n & t ( 8 wife are n kn[n4 ,m>ia m>ri$1 b became a wid[ soon aft]w>ds4 ,%e !n became a novice 9 ! ,c>melite mona/]y 9 ,granada1 & dur+ h] noviciate _h revelations1 l ^? ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 ab\t a re=m ( ! ,ord]4 ,h] confessor made light ( h] revelations1 & %e !n ref]r$ !m to ,f4 ,gasp> de ,salaz>1 a confessor ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 :o 0 !n 9 ,granada4 ,he approv$ ( !m1 & ,m>ia left ! noviciate1 & w5t to ,rome ) two holy wom5 ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,francis4 ,! ?ree made ! j\rney on foot1 &1 moreov]1 b>efoot$4 ,pope ,pius ,,iv4 he>d h] pray]1 &1 look+ at h] torn & ble$+ feet1 said to h]1 ,woman ( /rong c\rage1 let x be z ?\ wilt4 ,%e return$ to ,granada1 b bo? ! ,c>melites & ! city refus$ h] p]mission to f\nd h] h\se !re1 & "s w5t s f> z to ?reat5 to h h] publicly :ipp$4 ,da ,leonor de ,masc>ez gave h] a h\se 9 ,alcala de ,h5>es1 ( :i* %e took possession ,sept4 #aa1 #aefb2 b ! h\se 0 =mally con/itut$ ,july #bc1 #aefc1 & subject$ to ! ,bi%op t5 days aft] 7,re=ma1 i4 c4 #ei2 & ,don ,vic5te1 vol4 i4 p4 #bee74 ,! latt] says t ! ,*ronicl] is 9 error :5 he ass]ts t ?is mona/]y ( ,m>ia ( ,jesus 0 end[$4 #c4 ,! six? *apt] ( ! rule is3 ,nullus fratrum sibi aliquid proprium1 esse dicat1 s$ s9t vobis omnia communia4 #d4 ,see *4 xxxii4 #ac4 #e4 ,! ,con/itutions :i* ! ,sa9t read 9 ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation mu/ h be5 ! ,con/itutions gr\nd$ on ! ,mitigat$ ,rule :i* 0 sanction$ by ,eug5ius ,,iv4 7,romani ,pontificis1 ,a4,d4 #adcb74 #f4 ,see ,relation1 i4 #aj4 #g4 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 #h4 ,*4 xi4 #c4 #i4 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 #aj4 ,! h\se ( ,da ,luisa1 9 ,tol$o4 #aa4 ,! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila4 #ab4 #b ,cor4 xii4 #i3 ,virtus 9 infirmitate p]ficitur4 #ac4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 xxii42 b *4 xiii4 ed4 ,doblado4 #ad4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 ,i1 #a4 #ae4 ,/4 ,matt4 xix4 #bi3 ,et omnis qui reliqu]it domum 4 4 4 propt] nom5 ,meum1 c5tuplum accipiet1 et vitam t]nam possidebit4 #af4 ,:5 ! workm5 7 busy ) ! build+1 a nephew ( ! ,sa9t1 ! *ild ( h] si/] & ,don ,juan de ,ovalle1 0 /ruck by "s fall+ /ones & kill$4 ,! workm5 took ! *ild to 8 "m3 & ! ,sa9t1 !n 9 ! h\se ( ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa1 0 s5t =4 ,da ,guiom> took ! dead boy into h] arms1 gave him to ! ,sa9t1 say+ t x 0 a griev\s bl[ to ! fa!r & "m1 & t %e mu/ obta9 8 life f ,god4 ,! ,sa9t took ! body1 &1 lay+ x 9 h] lap1 ord]$ ^? ar\nd h] to cease _! lam5tations1 ( :om h] si/] 0 naturally ! l\de/1 & be sil5t4 ,!n1 cov]+ h] face & h] body ) h] veil1 %e pray$ to ,god1 & ,god gave ! *ild 8 life aga94 ,! little boy soon aft] ran up to 8 aunt & ?ank$ h] = :at %e _h done4 ,9 aft] ye>s ! *ild us$ to say to ! ,sa9t t1 z %e _h depriv$ him ( ! bliss ( heav5 by br++ him back to life1 %e 0 b\nd to see t he did n suff] loss4 ,don ,gonzalo di$ ?ree ye>s aft] ,/4 ,t]esa1 :5 he 0 tw5ty-eight ye>s ( age 7,re=ma1 i4 c4 #db1 #b74 #ag4 ,psalm xciii4 #bj3 ,qui f+is laborem 9 prcepto4 ,*apt] ,,xxxvi4 ,! ,f\ndation ( ! ,mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,p]secution & ,temptations4 ,great ,int]ior ,trial ( ! ,sa9t1 & ,h] ,deliv]ance4 #a4 ,hav+ n[ left t city1 #a ,i travell$ 9 great joy1 resolv$ to suff] mo/ will+ly :atev] our ,"l might be pleas$ to lay ^u me4 ,on ! night ( my arrival "h1 #b came also f ,rome ! commission & ! ,brief = ! erection ( ! mona/]y4 #c ,i 0 a/oni%$ myself1 & s 7 ^? :o knew h[ our ,"l ha/5$ my com+1 :5 !y saw h[ necess>y x 01 & 9 :at a mom5t our ,"l _h br\ght me back4 #d ,i f\nd "h ! ,bi%op & ! holy fri>1 #e ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 & t nobleman1 #f ! great s]vant ( ,god1 9 ^: h\se ! holy man 0 /ay+2 = he 0 a man :o 0 9 ! habit ( receiv+ ! s]vants ( ,god 9 8 h\se4 ,^! two prevail$ on ! ,bi%op to accept ! mona/]y1 :i* 0 no small ?+1 because x 0 f\nd$ 9 pov]ty2 b he 0 s great a lov] ( ^? :om he saw det]m9$ to s]ve our ,"l1 t he 0 imm$iately drawn to give !m ,8 protection4 ,x 0 ! approbation ( ! holy old man1 #g & ! great tr\ble he took to make n[ ?is "o1 n[ t "o1 help u1 t did ! :ole "w4 ,if ,i _h n come at ! mom5t1 z ,i h j said1 ,i d n see h[ x c\ld h be5 done2 = ! holy man 0 "h b a %ort "t1--,i ?9k n q eight days1--dur+ :i* he 0 also ill2 & almo/ imm$iately aft]w>ds our ,"l took him to ,himself4 #h ,x seems z if ,8 ,maje/y res]v$ him till ?is affair 0 end$1 because n[ = "s "t--,i ?9k = m ?an two ye>s--he _h be5 v ill4 #b4 ,ev]y?+ 0 done 9 ! utmo/ secrecy2 & if x _h n be5 s1 ,i d n see h[ any?+ c\ld h be5 done at all2 = ! p ( ! city 7 aga9/ u1 z x appe>$ aft]w>ds4 ,our ,"l orda9$ t "o ( my bro!rs-9-law #i %\ld be ill1 & 8 wife away1 & himself 9 su* /raits t my sup]iors gave me leave to rema9 ) him4 ,no?+1 !re=e1 0 f\nd out1 ?\gh "s p]sons _h _! suspicions2--/ill1 !y did n believe4 ,x 0 v wond]ful1 = 8 illness la/$ only no long] ?an 0 necess>y = our affair2 & :5 x 0 necess>y he %\ld recov] 8 heal?1 t ,i might be dis5gag$1 & he leave ! h\se empty1 our ,"l re/or$ him2 & he 0 a/oni%$ at x himself4 #aj #c4 ,i _h mu* tr\ble 9 p]suad+ ?is p]son & t to all[ ! f\ndation2 ,i _h to nurse ! sick man1 & obta9 f ! workm5 ! ha/y prep>ation ( ! h\se1 s t x might h ! =m ( a mona/]y2 b mu* rema9$ /ill to be done4 ,my fri5d 0 n "h1 #aa = we ?\ght x be/ %e %\ld be away1 9 ord] ! bett] to hide our purpose4 ,i saw t ev]y?+ dep5d$ on ha/e1 = _m1 reasons1 "o ( :i* 0 t ,i 0 afraid ,i might be ord]$ back to my mona/]y at any mom5t4 ,i 0 tr\bl$ by s _m ?+s1 t ,i suspect$ my cross _h be5 s5t me1 ?\gh x seem$ b a light "o 9 comp>ison ) t :i* ,i und]/ood our ,"l meant me to c>ry4 #d4 ,:5 ev]y?+ 0 settl$1 our ,"l 0 pleas$ t "s ( u %\ld take ! habit on ,/4 ,b>?olomew's ,day4 ,! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t began to dwell 9 ! h\se at ! same "t4 #ab ,) full sanction & au?ority1 !n1 our mona/]y ( our mo/ glori\s fa!r ,/4 ,joseph 0 f\nd$ 9 ! ye> #aefb4 #ac ,i 0 !re myself to give ! habit1 ) two nuns #ad ( ! h\se to :i* we belong$1 :o happ5$ !n to be abs5t f x4 ,z ! h\se :i* ?us became a mona/]y 0 t ( my bro!r-9-law--,i said be=e #ae t he _h b\ght x1 = ! purpose ( conceal+ our plan--,i 0 !re myself ) ! p]mission ( my sup]iors2 & ,i did no?+ )\t ! advice ( le>n$ m51 9 ord] t ,i might n break1 9 a s+le po9t1 my v[ ( ob$i5ce4 ,z ^! p]sons consid]$ :at ,i 0 do+ to be mo/ advantage\s = ! :ole ,ord]1 on _m acc\nts1 !y told me--?\gh ,i 0 act+ secretly1 & tak+ c>e my sup]iors %\ld "k no?+--t ,i might g on4 ,if !y _h told me t !re 0 ! slighte/ imp]fection 9 ! :ole matt]1 ,i w\ld h giv5 up ! f\nd+ ( a ?\s& mona/]ies1--h[ mu* m1 !n1 ?is "o6 ,i am c]ta9 ( ?is2 = ?\gh ,i long$ to )draw f ev]y?+ m & m1 & to foll[ my rule & vocation 9 ! greate/ p]fection & seclusion1 yet ,i wi%$ to d s only conditionally3 = if ,i %\ld h le>nt t x w\ld be = ! great] hon\r ( our ,"l to ab&on x1 ,i w\ld h done s1 z ,i did be=e on "o occasion1 #af 9 all peace & cont5tm5t4 #e4 ,i felt z if ,i 7 9 bliss1 :5 ,i saw ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t res]v$1 ) f\r poor orphans1 #ag--;= !y 7 receiv$ )\t a d[ry1--& great s]vants ( ,god1 e/abli%$ 9 ! h\se4 ,x 0 our aim f ! beg9n+ to receive only ^? :o1 by _! example1 might be ! f\ndation on :i* we c\ld build up :at we _h 9 view--great p]fection & pray]--& effect a "w :i* ,i believ$ to be = ! s]vice ( our ,"l1 & to ! hon\r ( ! habit ( ,8 glori\s ,"m4 ,?is 0 my anxiety4 ,x 0 also a great consolation to me t ,i _h done t :i* our ,"l _h s (t5 comm&$ me to d1 & t !re 0 "o *ur* m 9 ?is city d$icat$ to my glori\s fa!r ,/4 ,joseph4 ,n t ,i ?\ght ,i _h done any?+ myself1 = ,i h nev] ?\ght s1 & d n ?9k s ev5 n[2 ,i always look$ ^u x z ! "w ( our ,"l4 ,my "p 9 x 0 s full ( imp]fections1 t ,i look ^u myself r z a p]son 9 fault ?an z "o to :om any ?anks are due4 ,b x 0 a great joy to me :5 ,i saw ,8 ,maje/y make use ( me1 :o am s wor?less1 z ,8 in/rum5t 9 s gr& a "w4 ,i 0 !re=e 9 great joy1--s mu* s1 t ,i 01 z x 71 beside myself1 lo/ 9 pray]4 #f4 ,:5 all 0 done--x might h be5 ab\t ?ree or f\r h\rs aft]w>ds--,satan return$ to ! spiritual fight aga9/ me1 z ,i %all n[ relate4 ,he sugge/$ to me t p]haps ,i _h be5 wrong 9 :at ,i _h done2 p]haps ,i _h fail$ 9 my ob$i5ce1 9 hav+ br\ght x ab\t )\t ! comm&m5t ( ! ,prov9cial4 ,i did c]ta9ly ?9k t ! ,prov9cial w\ld be displeas$ because ,i _h plac$ ! mona/]y "u ! jurisdiction ( ! ,bi%op #ah )\t tell+ him ( x be=eh&2 ?\gh1 z he w\ld n ackn[l$ge ! mona/]y himself1 & z ,i _h n *ang$ m9e1 x seem$ to me t p]haps he w\ld n c>e mu* ab\t ! matt]4 ,satan also sugge/$ :e!r ! nuns w\ld be cont5t$ to live 9 s /rict a h\se1 :e!r !y c\ld always f9d food1 :e!r ,i _h n done a silly ?+1 & :at _h ,i to d ) x1 :5 ,i 0 already 9 a mona/]y8 ,all our ,"l _h said to me1 all ! op9ions ,i _h he>d1 & all ! pray]s :i* _h be5 almo/ un9t]rupt$ = m ?an two ye>s1 7 completely blott$ out ( my memory1 j z if !y _h nev] be54 ,! only ?+ ,i rememb]$ 0 my own op9ion2 & e virtue1 ) fai? itself1 0 !n susp5d$ )9 me1 s t ,i 0 )\t /r5g? to practise any "o ( !m1 or to def5d myself aga9/ s _m bl[s4 #g4 ,! devil also w\ld h me ask myself h[ ,i c\ld ?9k ( %utt+ myself up 9 s /rict a h\se1 :5 ,i 0 subject to s _m infirmities2 h[ c\ld ,i be> s p5it5tial a life1 & leave a h\se l>ge & pleasant1 :]e ,i _h be5 always s happy1 & :]e ,i _h s _m fri5ds8--p]haps ,i might n l ^? ( ! new mona/]y2 ,i _h tak5 on myself a heavy obligation1 & might possibly end 9 despair4 ,he also sugge/$ t p]haps x 0 he himself :o _h contriv$ x1 9 ord] to rob me ( my peace & re/1 s t1 be+ unable to pray1 ,i might be disquiet$1 & s lose my s\l4 ,?\ghts ( ?is k9d he put be=e me2 & !y 7 s _m1 t ,i c\ld ?9k ( no?+ else2 & ) !m came su* di/ress1 obscurity1 & d>kness ( s\l z ,i c nev] describe4 ,:5 ,i f\nd myself 9 ?is /ate1 ,i w5t & plac$ myself be=e ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 ?\gh ,i c\ld n pray to ,him2 s great 0 my angui%1 t ,i 0 l "o 9 ! agony ( dea?4 ,i c\ld n make ! matt] kn[n to any "o1 because no confessor _h z yet be5 appo9t$4 #h4 ,o my ,god1 h[ wret*$ is ?is life6 ,no joy is la/+2 ev]y?+ is liable to *ange4 ,only a mom5t ago1 ,i d n ?9k ,i w\ld h ex*ang$ my joy ) any man ^u e>?2 & ! v gr\nds ( t joy s torm5t$ me n[1 t ,i knew n :at to d ) myself4 ,oh1 if we did b consid] c>efully ! ev5ts ( our life1 e "o ( u w\ld le>n f exp]i5ce h[ little we ought to make ei!r ( its pleasures or ( its pa9s6 ,c]ta9ly ?is 01 ,i believe1 "o ( ! mo/ di/ress+ mom5ts ,i ev] pass$ 9 all my life2 my _s seem$ to =eca/ ! great suff]+s 9 /ore = me1 ?\gh !y nev] 7 s heavy z ?is 01 if x _h cont9u$4 ,b our ,"l w\ld n let ,8 poor s]vant suff]1 = 9 all my tr\bles ,he nev] fail$ to succ\r me2 s x 0 n[4 ,he gave me a little light1 s t ,i might see x 0 ! "w ( ! devil1 & might und]/& ! tru?1--namely1 t x 0 no?+ else b an attempt on 8 "p to fright5 me ) 8 lies4 ,s ,i began to call to m9d my great resolutions to s]ve our ,"l1 & my desire to suff] = ,8 sake2 & ,i ?\ght t if ,i c>ri$ !m out1 ,i mu/ n seek to be at re/2 t if ,i _h my trials1 !y w\ld be m]itori\s2 & t if ,i _h tr\bles1 & endur$ !m 9 ord] to please ,god1 x w\ld s]ve me = purgatory4 ,:at 0 ,i1 !n1 afraid (8 ,if ,i long$ = tribulations1 ,i _h !m n[2 & my ga9 lay 9 ! greate/ opposition4 ,:y1 !n1 did ,i fail 9 c\rage to s]ve ,"o to :om ,i ow$ s mu*8 #i4 ,aft] mak+ ^! & o!r reflections1 & do+ great viol5ce to myself1 ,i promis$ be=e ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t to d all 9 my p[] to obta9 p]mission to ent] ?is h\se1 &1 if ,i c\ld d x ) a good consci5ce1 to make a v[ ( enclosure4 ,:5 ,i _h done ?is1 ! devil fl$ 9 a mom5t1 & left me calm & peaceful1 & ,i h cont9u$ s ev] s9ce2 & ! enclosure1 p5ances1 & o!r rules ( ?is h\se are to me1 9 _! obs]vance1 s s+ul>ly sweet & light1 ! joy ,i h is s exce$+ly great1 t ,i am n[ & !n ?9k+ :at on e>? ,i c\ld h *os5 :i* %\ld be m delightful4 ,i "k n :e!r ?is may n be ! cause ( my be+ 9 bett] heal? ?an ,i 0 ev] be=e1 or :e!r x be t our ,"l1 because x is ne$ful & reasonable t ,i %\ld d z all ! o!rs d1 gives me ?is com=t ( keep+ ! :ole rule1 ?\gh ) "s difficulty4 ,h[ev]1 all :o "k my infirmities1 are a/oni%$ at my /r5g?4 ,bless$ be ,he :o give? x all1 & 9 ^: /r5g? ,i am /rong6 #aj4 ,su* a conte/ left me greatly fatigu$1 & laugh+ at ,satan2 = ,i saw cle>ly x 0 he4 ,z ,i h nev] kn[n :at x is to be discont5t$ because ,i am a nun--no1 n = an in/ant--dur+ m ?an tw5ty-eight ye>s ( religion1 ,i believe t our ,"l suff]$ me to be ?us tempt$1 t ,i might und]/& h[ great a m]cy ,he _h %[n me h]e91 & f :at torm5t ,he _h deliv]$ me1 & t if ,i saw any "o 9 l tr\ble ,i might n be al>m$ at x1 b h pity on h]1 & be able to console h]4 #aa4 ,!n1 :5 ?is 0 ov]1 ,i wi%$ to re/ myself a little aft] our d9n]2 = dur+ ! :ole ( t night ,i _h sc>cely re/$ at all1 & = "s nights previ\sly ,i _h _h mu* tr\ble & anxiety1 :ile e day 0 full ( toil2 = ! news ( :at we _h done _h rea*$ my mona/]y1 & 0 spread ?r\gh ! city4 ,!re arose a great outcry1 = ! reasons ,i m5tion$ be=e1 #ai & !re 0 "s app>5t gr\nd = x4 ,! prioress #bj s5t = me to come to h] imm$iately4 ,:5 ,i receiv$ ! ord]1 ,i w5t at once1 leav+ ! nuns 9 great di/ress4 ,i saw cle>ly en\gh t !re 7 tr\bles be=e me2 b z ! "w 0 really done1 ,i did n c>e mu* = t4 ,i pray$ & implor$ our ,"l to help me1 & my fa!r ,/4 ,joseph to br+ me back to 8 h\se4 ,i (f]$ up to him all ,i 0 to suff]1 rejoic+ greatly t ,i _h ! opportunity ( suff]+ = 8 hon\r & ( do+ him s]vice4 ,i w5t p]suad$ t ,i %\ld be put 9 prison at once b ?is w\ld h be5 a great com=t1 because ,i %\ld h nobody to speak to1 & might h "s re/ & solitude1 ( :i* ,i 0 9 great ne$2 = s mu* int]c\rse ) p _h worn me out4 #ab4 ,:5 ,i came & told ! prioress :at ,i _h done1 %e 0 s(t5$ a little4 ,!y all s5t = ! ,prov9cial1 & ! matt] 0 res]v$ = him4 ,:5 he came1 ,i 0 summon$ to judgm5t1 rejoic+ greatly at see+ t ,i _h some?+ to suff] = our ,"l4 ,i did n ?9k ,i _h (f5d$ aga9/ ,8 ,maje/y1 or aga9/ my ,ord]1 9 any?+ ,i _h done2 on ! contr>y1 ,i 0 /riv+ ) all my might to exalt my ,ord]1 = :i* ,i w\ld will+ly h di$1--= my :ole desire 0 t its rule might be obs]v$ 9 all p]fection4 ,i ?\ght ( ,*ri/ receiv+ s5t5ce1 & ,i saw h[ ?is ( m9e w\ld be less ?an no?+4 ,i confess$ my fault1 z if ,i _h be5 v mu* to blame2 & s ,i seem$ to e "o :o did n "k all ! reasons4 ,aft] ! ,prov9cial _h rebuk$ me %>ply--?\gh n ) ! sev]ity :i* my fault des]v$1 nor accord+ to ! repres5tations made to him--,i w\ld n def5d myself1 = ,i 0 det]m9$ to be> x all2 on ! contr>y1 ,i pray$ him to =give & puni%1 & be no long] angry ) me4 #ac4 ,i saw well en\gh t !y condemn$ me on "s *>ges ( :i* ,i 0 innoc5t1 = !y said ,i _h f\nd$ ! mona/]y t ,i might be ?\ght mu* (1 & to make myself a "n1 & = o!r reasons ( t k9d4 ,b on o!r po9ts ,i und]/ood cle>ly t !y 7 speak+ ! tru?1 z :5 !y said t ,i 0 m wick$ ?an ! o!r nuns4 ,!y ask$1 h[ c\ld ,i1 :o _h n kept ! rule 9 t h\se1 ?9k ( keep+ x 9 ano!r ( /rict] obs]vance8 ,!y said ,i 0 giv+ sc&al 9 ! city1 & sett+ up novelties4 ,all ?is nei!r tr\bl$ nor di/ress$ me 9 ! lea/1 ?\gh ,i did seem to feel x1 le/ ,i %\ld appe> to make light ( :at !y 7 say+4 #ad4 ,at la/ ! ,prov9cial comm&$ me to expla9 my conduct be=e ! nuns1 & ,i _h to d x4 ,z ,i 0 p]fectly calm1 & our ,"l help$ me1 ,i expla9$ ev]y?+ 9 su* a way t nei!r ! ,prov9cial nor ^? :o 7 pres5t f\nd any reason to condemn me4 ,aft]w>ds ,i spoke m pla9ly to ! ,prov9cial alone2 he 0 v mu* satisfi$1 & promis$1 if ! new mona/]y prosp]$1 & ! city became quiet1 to give me leave to live 9 x4 ,n[ ! outcry 9 ! city 0 v great1 z ,i am go+ to tell4 ,two or ?ree days aft] ?is1 ! gov]nor1 c]ta9 memb]s ( ! c\ncil ( ! city & ( ! ,*apt]1 came toge!r1 & resolv$ t ! new mona/]y %\ld n be all[$ to exi/1 t x 0 a visible wrong to ! /ate1 t ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t %\ld be remov$1 & t !y w\ld n suff] u to g on ) our "w4 #ae4 ,!y assembl$ all ! ,ord]s--t is1 two le>n$ m5 f ea*--to give _! op9ion4 ,"s 7 sil5t1 o!rs condemn$2 9 ! end1 !y resolv$ t ! mona/]y %\ld be brok5 up4 ,only "o #ba--;he 0 ( ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic1 & object$1 n to ! mona/]y itself1 b to ! f\ndation ( x 9 pov]ty--said t !re 0 no reason :y x %\ld be ?us dissolv$1 t ! matt] ought to be well consid]$1 t !re 0 "t en\gh1 t x 0 ! affair ( ! bi%op1 ) o!r ?+s ( t k9d4 ,?is 0 ( great s]vice to u1 = !y 7 angry en\gh to proce$ to its de/ruction at once1 & x 0 =tunate !y did n4 ,9 %ort1 ! mona/]y mu/ exi/2 our ,"l 0 pleas$ to h x1 & all ( !m c\ld d no?+ aga9/ ,8 w4 ,!y gave _! reasons1 & %[$ _! zeal = good1 & ?us1 )\t (f5d+ ,god1 made me suff] toge!r ) all ^? :o 7 9 fav\r ( ! mona/]y2 !re 7 n _m1 b !y suff]$ mu* p]secution4 ,! inhabitants 7 s excit$1 t !y talk$ ( no?+ else2 e "o condemn$ me1 & hurri$ to ! ,prov9cial & to my mona/]y4 #af4 ,i 0 no m di/ress$ by :at !y said ( me ?an if !y _h said no?+2 b ,i 0 afraid ! mona/]y w\ld be de/roy$3 t 0 pa9ful2 s also 0 x to see ^? p]sons :o help$ me lose _! cr$it & suff] s mu* annoyance4 ,b z to :at 0 said ( myself ,i 0 r glad1 & if ,i _h _h any fai? ,i %\ld n h be5 tr\bl$ at all4 ,b a slight fail+ 9 "o virtue is en\gh to put all ! o!rs to sleep4 ,i 0 !re=e extremely di/ress$ dur+ ! two days on :i* ^? assemblies ( :i* ,i h spok5 7 held4 ,9 ! extremity ( my tr\ble1 our ,"l said to me3 ,kn[e/ ?\ n t ,i am ! ,almighty8 :at art ?\ afraid (8 ,he made me feel assur$ t ! mona/]y w\ld n be brok5 up1 & ,i 0 exce$+ly com=t$4 ,! in=mations tak5 7 s5t up to ! k+'s c\ncil1 & an ord] came back = a report on ! :ole matt]4 #ag4 ,"h 0 ! beg9n+ ( a gr& lawsuit3 ! city s5t delegates to ! c\rt1 & "s mu/ be s5t also to def5d ! mona/]y3 b ,i _h no money1 nor did ,i "k :at to d4 ,our ,"l provid$ = u = ! ,fa!r ,prov9cial nev] ord]$ me n to m$dle 9 ! matt]4 ,he is s great a lov] ( all t is good1 t1 ?\gh he did n help u1 he w\ld n be aga9/ our "w4 ,nei!r did he au?orise me to ent] ! h\se till he saw h[ x w\ld end4 ,^? s]vants ( ,god :o 7 9 x 7 left alone1 & did m by _! pray]s ?an ,i did ) all my negotiations1 ?\gh ! affair ne$$ ! utmo/ att5tion4 ,n[ & !n ev]y?+ seem$ to fail2 p>ticul>ly "o day1 be=e ! ,prov9cial came1 :5 ! prioress ord]$ me to m$dle no m ) x1 & to give x up altoge!r4 ,i betook myself to ,god1 & said1 ,o ,"l1 ?is h\se is n m9e2 x 0 f\nd$ = ,!e2 & n[ t !re is no "o to take up ! cause1 d ,?\ protect x4 ,i n[ felt myself 9 peace1 & z free f anxiety z if ! :ole _w 7 on my side 9 ! matt]2 & at once ,i look$ ^u x z safe4 #bb #ah4 ,a v great s]vant ( ,god1 & a lov] ( all p]fection1 a prie/ #bc :o _h help$ me always1 w5t to ! c\rt on ?is bus9ess1 & took great pa9s4 ,t holy nobleman #bd ( :om ,i h (t5 spok5 lab\r$ mu* on our behalf1 & help$ u 9 e way4 ,he _h mu* tr\ble & p]secution to endure1 & ,i always f\nd a fa!r 9 him1 & d s /ill4 ,all ^? :o help$ u1 our ,"l fill$ ) su* f]v\r z made !m consid] our affair z _! own1 z if _! own life & reputation 7 at /ake2 & yet x 0 no?+ to !m1 except 9 s f> z x reg>d$ ! s]vice ( our ,"l4 ,8 ,maje/y visibly help$ ! prie/ ,i h spok5 ( be=e1 #be :o 0 also "o ( ^? :o gave u great help :5 ! ,bi%op s5t him z 8 repres5tative to "o ( ! great meet+s4 ,!re he /ood alone aga9/ all2 at la/ he pacifi$ !m by means ( c]ta9 propositions1 :i* obta9$ u a little respite4 ,b t 0 n en\gh2 = !y 7 ready to sp5d _! lives1 if !y c\ld b de/roy ! mona/]y4 ,?is s]vant ( ,god 0 he :o gave ! habit & res]v$ ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 & he 0 ! object ( mu* p]secution4 ,?is attack la/$ ab\t six mon?s3 to relate 9 detail ! heavy trials we pass$ ?r\gh w\ld be too t$i\s4 #ai4 ,i wond]$ at :at ,satan did aga9/ a few poor wom51 & also h[ all p ?\ght t m]ely twelve wom51 ) a prioress1 c\ld be s hurtful to ! city1--= !y 7 n to be m1--,i say ?is to ^? :o oppos$ u1--& liv+ su* au/]e lives2 = if any h>m or error came ( x1 x w\ld all fall ^u !m4 ,h>m to ! city !re c\ld n be 9 any way2 & yet ! p ?\ght !re 0 s mu* 9 x1 t !y oppos$ u ) a good consci5ce4 ,at la/ !y resolv$ !y w\ld tol]ate u if we 7 end[$1 & 9 consid]ation ( t w\ld suff] u to rema94 ,i 0 s di/ress$ at ! tr\ble ( all ^? :o 7 on our side--m ?an at my own--t ,i ?\ght x w\ld n be amiss1 till ! p 7 pacifi$1 to accept an end[m5t1 b aft]w>ds to resign x4 ,at o!r times1 too1 wick$ & imp]fect z ,i am1 ,i ?\ght t p]haps our ,"l wi%$ x to be s1 see+ t1 )\t accept+ x1 we c\ld n succe$2 & s ,i cons5t$ to ! compromise4 #bj4 ,! night be=e ! settlem5t 0 to be made1 ,i 0 9 pray]1--! discussion ( ! t]ms ( x _h already begun1--:5 our ,"l said to me t ,i mu/ d no?+ ( ! k9d2 = if we began ) an end[m5t1 !y w\ld nev] all[ u to resign x4 ,he said "s o!r ?+s also4 ,! same night1 ! holy fri>1 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 appe>$ to me4 ,he 0 !n dead4 #bf ,b he _h writt5 to me be=e 8 dea?--= he knew ! great opposition & p]secution we _h to be>--t he 0 glad ! f\ndation 0 s mu* spok5 aga9/2 x 0 a sign t our ,"l w\ld be exce$+ly hon\r$ 9 ! mona/]y1 see+ t ,satan 0 s e>ne/ aga9/ x2 & t ,i 0 by no means to cons5t to an end[m5t4 ,he urg$ ?is ^u me twice or ?rice 9 t lett]1 & said t if ,i p]si/$ 9 ?is ev]y?+ w\ld succe$ accord+ to my wi%4 #ba4 ,at ?is "t ,i _h already se5 him twice s9ce 8 dea?1 & ! great glory he 0 91 & s ,i 0 n afraid1--on ! contr>y1 ,i 0 v glad2 = he always appe>$ z a glorifi$ body 9 great happ9ess1 & ! vision made me v happy too4 ,i rememb] t he told me1 ! fir/ "t ,i saw him1 among o!r ?+s1 :5 speak+ ( ! greatness ( 8 joy1 t ! p5ance he _h done 0 a bless$ ?+ = him1 9 t x _h obta9$ s great a rew>d4 ,b1 z ,i ?9k ,i h spok5 ( ?is be=e1 #bg ,i w n[ say no m ?an t he %[$ himself sev]e on ?is occasion3 he m]ely said t ,i 0 on no acc\nt to accept an end[m5t1 & ask$ :y x 0 ,i did n take 8 advice4 ,he !n disappe>$4 ,i rema9$ 9 a/oni%m5t1 & ! next day told ! nobleman--= ,i w5t to him 9 all my tr\ble1 z to "o :o did m ?an o!rs = u 9 ! matt]1--:at _h tak5 place1 & *>g$ him n to cons5t to ! end[m5t1 b to let ! lawsuit g on4 ,he 0 m firm on ?is po9t ?an ,i 01 & 0 !re=e greatly pleas$2 he told me aft]w>ds h[ mu* he dislik$ ! compromise4 #bb4 ,aft] ?is1 ano!r p]sonage--a great s]vant ( ,god1 & ) good int5tions--came =w>d1 :o1 n[ t ! matt] 0 9 good tra91 advis$ u to put x 9 ! h&s ( le>n$ m54 ,?is br\ght on tr\ble en\gh2 = "s ( ^? :o help$ me agre$ to d s2 & ?is plot ( ,satan 0 "o ( ! mo/ difficult ( all to unravel4 ,our ,"l 0 my help] ?r\gh\t4 ,writ+ ?us briefly1 x is impossible = me to expla9 :at took place dur+ ! two ye>s t pass$ betwe5 ! beg9n+ & ! completion ( ! mona/]y3 ! la/ six mon?s & ! fir/ six mon?s 7 ! mo/ pa9ful4 #bc4 ,:5 at la/ ! city 0 some:at calm1 ! lic5tiate fa!r1 ! ,dom9ican fri> #bh :o help$ u1 ex]t$ himself mo/ skilfully on our behalf4 ,?\gh n "h at ! "t1 our ,"l br\ght him "h at a mo/ conv5i5t mom5t = our s]vice1 & x seems t ,8 ,maje/y br\ght him = t purpose only4 ,he told me aft]w>ds t he _h no reasons = com+1 & t he he>d ( our affair z if by *ance4 ,he rema9$ "h z long z we want$ him1 & on go+ away he prevail$1 by "s means1 on ! ,fa!r ,prov9cial to p]mit me to ent] ?is h\se1 & to take ) me "s ( ! nuns #bi--su* a p]mission seem$ impossible 9 s %ort a "t = ! p]=mance ( ! ,div9e ,(fice--& ! tra9+ ( ^? :o 7 9 ?is h\se3 ! day ( our com+ 0 a mo/ joyful day = me4 #cj #bd4 ,:ile pray+ 9 ! *ur*1 be=e ,i w5t into ! h\se1 & be+ z x 7 9 a trance1 ,i saw ,*ri/2 :o1 z x seem$ to me1 receiv$ me ) great affection1 plac$ a cr[n on my head1 & ?ank$ me = :at ,i _h done = ,8 ,"m4 ,on ano!r occasion1 :5 all ( u rema9$ 9 ! *oir 9 pray] aft] ,compl9e1 ,i saw our ,lady 9 exce$+ glory1 9 a :ite mantle1 ) :i* %e seem$ to cov] u all4 ,i und]/ood by t ! high degree ( glory to :i* our ,"l w\ld raise ! religi\s ( ?is h\se4 #be4 ,:5 we _h begun to s+ ! ,(fice1 ! p began to h a great devotion to ! mona/]y2 m nuns 7 receiv$1 & our ,"l began to /ir up ^? :o _h be5 our greate/ p]secutors to become great b5efactors1 & give alms to u4 ,9 ?is way !y came to approve ( :at !y _h condemn$2 & s1 by degrees1 !y )drew f ! lawsuit1 & w\ld say t !y n[ felt x to be a "w ( ,god1 s9ce ,8 ,maje/y _h be5 pleas$ to c>ry x on 9 ! face ( s mu* opposition4 ,& n[ !re is n "o :o ?9ks t x w\ld h be5 "r n to h f\nd$ ! mona/]y3 s !y make a po9t ( furni%+ u ) alms2 = )\t any ask+ on our "p1 )\t begg+ ( any "o1 our ,"l moves !m to1 succ\r u2 & s we always h :at is necess>y = u1 & ,i tru/ 9 our ,"l x w always be s4 #ca ,z ! si/]s are few 9 numb]1 if !y d _! duty z our ,"l at pres5t by ,8 grace enables !m to d1 ,i am confid5t t !y w always h x1 & t !y ne$ n be a burd5 nor tr\blesome to anybody2 = our ,"l w c>e = !m1 z ,he has hi!rto done4 #bf4 ,x is ! greate/ consolation to me to f9d myself among ^? :o are s deta*$4 ,_! occupation is to le>n h[ !y may advance 9 ! s]vice ( ,god4 ,solitude is _! delight2 & ! ?\ght ( be+ visit$ by any "o1 ev5 ( _! ne>e/ k9dr$1 is a trial1 unless x helps !m to k9dle m & m _! love ( ! ,bridegroom4 ,accord+ly1 none come to ?is h\se :o d n aim at ?is2 o!rwise !y nei!r give nor receive any pleasure f _! visits4 ,_! conv]sation is ( ,god only2 & s he ^: conv]sation is diff]5t does n und]/& !m1 & !y d n und]/& him4 #bg4 ,we keep ! rule ( our ,lady ( ,c>mel1 n ! rule ( ! ,mitigation1 b z x 0 settl$ by ,fr4 ,hugo1 ,c>d9al ( ,santa ,sab9a1 & giv5 9 ! ye> #abdh1 9 ! fif? ye> ( ! pontificate ( ,innoc5t ,,iv41 ,pope4 ,all ! tr\ble we _h to g ?r\gh1 z x seems to me1 w h be5 endur$ to good purpose4 #bh4 ,& n[1 ?\gh ! rule be some:at sev]e1--= we nev] eat fle% except 9 cases ( necessity1 fa/ eight mon?s 9 ! ye>1 & practise "s o!r au/]ities besides1 accord+ to ! primitive rule1 #cb--yet ! si/]s ?9k x light on _m po9ts1 & s !y h o!r obs]vances1 :i* we h ?\ght necess>y = ! m p]fect keep+ ( x4 ,& ,i tru/ 9 our ,"l t :at we h begun w prosp] m & m1 accord+ to ! promise ( ,8 ,maje/y4 #bi4 ,! o!r h\se1 :i* ! holy woman ( :om ,i spoke be=e #cc lab\r$ to e/abli%1 has be5 also bless$ ( our ,"l1 & is f\nd$ 9 ,alcala3 x did n escape s]i\s opposition1 nor fail to endure _m trials4 ,i "k t all duties ( religion are obs]v$ 9 x1 accord+ to our primitive rule4 ,our ,"l grant t all may be to ! praise & glory ( ,himself & ( ! glori\s ,virg9 ,m>y1 ^: habit we we>4 ,am54 #cj4 ,i ?9k y mu/ be we>i$1 my fa!r1 by ! t$i\s hi/ory ( ?is mona/]y2 & yet x is mo/ concise1 if y comp>e x ) our lab\rs1 & ! wond]s :i* our ,"l has wr\ght "h4 ,!re are _m :o c be> witness to ?is on oa?4 ,i !re=e beg ( y\r rev]5ce1 = ! love ( ,god1 %\ld y ?9k fit to de/roy ! re/ ( ?is my writ+1 to pres]ve t "p ( x :i* relates to ?is mona/]y1 & give x1 :5 ,i am dead1 to ! si/]s :o may !n be liv+ 9 x4 ,x w enc\rage !m greatly1 :o %all come "h bo? to s]ve ,god & to lab\r1 t :at has be5 ?us begun may n fall to decay1 b ev] gr[ & ?rive1 :5 !y see h[ mu* our ,"l has done ?r\gh "o s mean & vile z ,i4 ,z our ,"l has be5 s p>ticul>ly graci\s to u 9 ! f\ndation ( ?is h\se x seems to me t %e w d v wrong1 & t %e w be heavily *a/is$ ( ,god1 :o %all be ! fir/ to relax ! p]fect obs]vance ( ! rule1 :i* our ,"l has "h begun & c\nt5anc$1 s t x may be kept ) s mu* sweetness3 x is mo/ evid5t t ! obs]vance ( x is easy1 & t x c be kept ) ease1 by ! arrangem5t made = ^? :o long to be alone ) _! ,bridegroom ,*ri/1 9 ord] to live = ev] 9 ,him4 #ca4 ,?is is to be ! p]petual aim ( ^? :o are "h1 to be alone ) ,him alone4 ,!y are n to be m 9 numb] ?an ?irte53 ,i "k ?is numb] to be ! be/1 = ,i h _h _m op9ions ab\t x2 & ,i h se5 9 my own exp]i5ce1 t to pres]ve our _s1 liv+ on alms1 )\t ask+ ( anyone1 a l>g] numb] w\ld be inexp$i5t4 ,may !y always believe "o :o ) mu* lab\r1 & by ! pray]s ( _m p1 accompli%$ t :i* mu/ be = ! be/6 ,t ?is is mo/ exp$i5t = u w be se5 f ! joy & *e]fulness1 & ! few tr\bles1 we h all _h 9 ! ye>s we h liv$ 9 ?is h\se1 z well z f ! bett] heal? ?an usual ( u all4 ,if any "o ?9ks ! rule h>d1 let h] lay ! fault on h] want ( ! true _s1 & n on ! rule ( ! h\se1 see+ t delicate p]sons1 & ^? n sa9ts1--because !y h ! true _s1--c be> x all ) s mu* sweetness4 ,let o!rs g to ano!r mona/]y1 :]e !y may save _! s\ls 9 ! way ( _! own _s4 #a4 ,tol$o4 #b4 ,avila4 ,9 ! beg9n+ ( ,june1 #aefb4 #c4 ,see *4 xxxiv4 #b4 ,! ,brief 0 dat$ ,feb4 #g1 #aefb1 ! ?ird ye> ( ,pius ,,iv4 7,de la ,fu5te74 #d4 ,! ,brief 0 address$ to ,da ,aldonza de ,guzman1 & to ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa1 h] daught]4 #e4 ,don ,alv>o de ,m5doza 7,de la ,fu5te74 #f4 ,don ,francisco de ,salc$o4 #g4 ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a4 ,truly ?is is ! h\se ( ,/4 ,joseph1 7 ! ,sa9t's words :5 he saw ! ris+ mona/]y2 = ,i see x is ! little hospice ( ,be?lehem 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,9 less ?an ?ree mon?s1 p]haps2 = ,/4 ,pet] di$ 9 ! sixty-?ird ye> ( 8 age1 ,oct4 #ah1 #aefb1 & 9 less ?an eight weeks aft] ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph4 #i4 ,don ,juan de ,ovalle4 #aj4 ,:5 he saw t ! ,sa9t _h made all h] arrangem5ts1 he knew ! mean+ ( 8 illness1 & said to h]1 ,x is n necess>y ,i %\ld be ill any long] 7,rib]a1 i4 c4 #h74 #aa4 ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa 0 n[ 9 h] native place1 ,ciudad ,toro4 #ab4 ,! ,mass 0 said by ,gasp> ,daza4 ,see infra1 #ah2 ,re=ma1 i4 c4 xlvi4 #c4 #ac4 ,! bell :i* ! ,sa9t _h provid$ = ! conv5t weigh$ less ?an ?ree p\nds1 & rema9$ 9 ! mona/]y = a hundr$ ye>s1 till x 0 s5t1 by ord] ( ! ,g5]al1 to ! mona/]y ( ,pa/rana1 :]e ! g5]al *apt]s 7 held4 ,!re ! fri>s assembl$ at ! s\nd ( ! bell1 :i* rang = ! fir/ ,mass ( ! ,c>melite ,re=m 7,re=ma1 i4 c4 xlvi4 #a74 #ad4 ,!y 7 ,da ,ines & ,da ,ana de ,tapia1 c\s9s ( ! ,sa9t4 ,!re 7 pres5t also ,don ,gonzalo de ,ar&a1 ,don ,francisco ,salc$o1 ,julian ( ,avila1 prie/2 ,da ,juana de ,ahumada1 ! ,sa9t's si/]2 ) h] husb&1 ,juan de ,ovalle4 ,! ,sa9t h]self reta9$ h] own habit1 mak+ no *ange1 because %e _h n ! p]mission ( h] sup]iors 7,re=ma1 i4 c4 xlvi4 #b74 #ae4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #ac4 #af4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #c4 #ag4 ,! fir/ ( ^! 0 ,antonia de ,h5ao1 a p5it5t ( ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 & :o wi%$ to ent] a religi\s h\se f> away f ,avila1 h] home4 ,/4 ,pet] kept h] = ,/4 ,t]esa4 ,%e 0 call$ f ?is day =? ,antonia ( ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,! second 0 ,m>ia de la ,paz1 br\ght up by ,da ,guiom> de ,ulloa4 ,h] "n 0 ,m>ia ( ! ,cross4 ,! ?ird 0 ,ursola de los ,santos4 ,%e reta9$ h] family "n z ,ursola ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,x 0 ,gasp> ,daza :o br\ght h] to ! ,sa9t4 ,! f\r? 0 ,m>ia de ,avila1 si/] ( ,julian ! prie/1 & %e 0 call$ ,m>y ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,x 0 at ?is h\se1 too1 t ! ,sa9t h]self ex*ang$ h] ord9>y designation ( ,da ,t]esa de ,ahumada = ,t]esa ( ,jesus 7,re=ma1 i4 c4 xlvi4 #b74 #ah4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 ii4 #a1 & *4 xxxi1 #a4 #ai4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #a1 #b4 #bj4 ,( ! ,inc>nation4 #ba4 ,f4 ,dom+o ,baes1 ! great comm5tator on ,/4 ,?omas4 ,on ! m>g9 ( ! ,,ms41 ,baes has ) 8 own h& writt53 ,?is 0 at ! end ( ,augu/1 #aefb4 ,i 0 pres5t1 & gave ?is op9ion4 ,i am writ+ ?is 9 ,may 7! day ( ! mon? is n legible7 #aege1 & ! "m has n[ f\nd$ n9e mona/]ies en gran religion 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,at ?is "t ,baes did n "k1 & _h nev] se51 ! ,sa9t2 he und]took h] def5ce simply because he saw t h] int5tions 7 good1 & ! means %e made use ( = f\nd+ ! mona/]y lawful1 see+ t %e _h receiv$ ! comm&m5t to d s f ! ,pope4 ,baes te/ifies ?us 9 ! depositions made 9 ,salamanca 9 #aeia 9 ! ,sa9t's process4 ,see vol4 ii4 p4 #cgf ( ,don ,vic5te's edition4 #bb4 ,see ,*4 xxxix4 #be4 #bc4 ,gonzalo de ,ar&a 7,de la ,fu5te74 #bd4 ,don ,francisco de ,salc$o 7ibid474 #be4 ,*4 xxiii4 #f2 ,gasp> ,daza 7ibid474 #bf4 ,he di$ ,oct4 #ah1 #aefb4 #bg4 ,*4 xxvii4 #ba4 #bh4 ,el ,padre ,pres5tado1 ,dom9ico4 ,pres5tado en algunas ,religiones es ci]to titulo de grado que es respeto del ,mae/ro como ,lic5ciado 7,cob>ruvias1 9 voce ,pres5te74 ,! fa!r 0 ,fra ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,see *4 xxxviii4 #ae4 #bi4 ,f ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation4 ,^! 7 ,ana ( ,/4 ,john1 ,ana ( ,all ! ,angels1 ,m>ia ,isabel1 & ,isabel ( ,/4 ,paul4 ,/4 ,t]esa 0 a simple nun1 liv+ "u ob$i5ce to ! prioress ( ,/4 ,joseph1 ,ana ( ,/4 ,john1 & int5d$ s to rema94 ,b ! nuns appli$ to ! ,bi%op ( ,avila & to ! ,prov9cial ( ! ,ord]1 :o1 li/5+ to ! compla9ts ( ! si/]s1 compell$ ! ,sa9t to be _! prioress4 ,see ,re=ma1 i4 c4 xlix4 #d4 #cj4 ,mid-,l5t ( #aefc4 #ca4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 ii4 #cb4 ,jejunium s+ulis diebus1 exceptis ,dom9icis1 obs]vetis a ,fe/o ,exaltationis ,sanct ,crucis usque ad diem ,dom9ic ,resurrectionis1 nisi infirmitas vel debilitas corporis1 aut alia ju/a causa1 jejunium solvi suadeat2 quia necessitas non habet legem4 ,ab esu c>nium ab/9eatis1 nisi pro infirmitatis aut debilitatis rem$io s9t sumantur4 ,t is ! t5? section ( ! rule4 #cc4 ,see *4 xxxv4 #a4 ,m>ia ( ,jesus _h f\nd$ h] h\se 9 ,alcala de ,h5>es2 b ! au/]ities practis$ 9 x1 & ! abs5ce ( ! religi\s mitigations :i* long exp]i5ce _h introduc$1 7 too mu* = ! f]v5t nuns !re assembl$4 ,m>ia ( ,jesus begg$ ,da ,leonor de ,masc>ez to p]suade ,/4 ,t]esa to come to ,alcala4 ,! ,sa9t w5t to ! mona/]y1 & 0 receiv$ !re ) joy1 & ev5 entreat$ to take ! h\se "u h] own gov]nm5t 7,re=ma1 ii4 c4 x4 #c1 #d74 ,*apt] ,,xxxvii4 ,! ,effects ( ! ,div9e ,graces 9 ! ,s\l4 ,! ,ine/imable ,greatness ( ,"o ,degree ( ,glory4 #a4 ,x is pa9ful to me to rec\nt m ( ! graces :i* our ,"l gave me ?an ^! already spok5 (2 & !y are s _m1 t nobody c believe !y 7 ev] giv5 to "o s wick$3 b 9 ob$i5ce to our ,"l1 :o has comm&$ me to d x1 #a & y1 my fa!rs1 ,i w speak ( "s ( !m to ,8 glory4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y x may be to ! pr(it ( "s s\l6 ,= if our ,"l has be5 ?us graci\s to s--mis]able a ?+ z myself1 :at w ,he be to ^? :o %all s]ve ,him truly8 ,let all p resolve to please ,8 ,maje/y1 see+ t ,he gives su* pl$ges z ^! ev5 9 ?is life4 #b #b4 ,9 ! fir/ place1 x mu/ be und]/ood t1 9 ^? graces :i* ,god be/[s on ! s\l1 !re are div]se degrees ( joy3 = 9 "s visions ! joy & sweetness & com=t ( !m s f> exce$ ^? ( o!rs1 t ,i am amaz$ at ! diff]5t degrees ( fruition ev5 9 ?is life2 = x happ5s t ! joy & consolation :i* ,god gives 9 a vision or a trance are s diff]5t1 t x seems impossible = ! s\l to be able to desire any?+ m 9 ?is _w3 &1 s1 9 fact1 ! s\l does n desire1 nor w\ld x ask =1 a great] joy4 ,/ill1 s9ce our ,"l has made me und]/& h[ great a diff]5ce !re is 9 heav5 itself betwe5 ! fruition ( "o & t ( ano!r1 ,i see cle>ly en\gh t "h also1 :5 our ,"l wills1 ,he gives n by measure2 #c & s ,i wi% t ,i myself obs]v$ no measure 9 s]v+ ,8 ,maje/y1 & 9 us+ my :ole life & /r5g? & heal? !re92 & ,i w\ld n h any fault ( m9e rob me ( ! slighte/ degree ( fruition4 #c4 ,& s ,i say t if ,i 7 ask$ :i* ,i pref]r$1 to endure all ! trials ( ! _w until ! end ( x1 & !n receive "o slight degree ( glory additional1 or )\t any suff]+ ( any k9d to ent] into glory ( a slightly l[] degree1 ,i w\ld accept--oh1 h[ will+ly6--all ^? trials = "o slight degree ( fruition 9 ! contemplation ( ! greatness ( ,god2 = ,i "k t he :o und]/&s ,him be/1 loves ,him & praises ,him be/4 ,i d n mean t ,i %\ld n be satisfi$1 & consid] myself mo/ bless$1 to be 9 heav51 ev5 if ,i %\ld be 9 ! l[e/ place2 = z ,i am "o :o _h t place 9 hell1 x w\ld be a great m]cy ( our ,"l to admit me at all2 & may x please ,8 ,maje/y to br+ me ?i!r1 & take away ,8 eyes f behold+ my griev\s s9s4 ,:at ,i mean is ?is1--if x 7 9 my p[]1 ev5 if x co/ me ev]y?+1 & our ,"l gave me ! grace to endure mu* affliction1 ,i w\ld n ?r\gh any fault ( m9e lose "o degree ( glory4 ,ah1 wret*$ t ,i am1 :o by s _m faults _h =feit$ all6 #d4 ,x is also to be obs]v$ t1 9 e vision or revelation :i* our ,"l 9 ,8 m]cy s5t me1 a great ga9 accru$ to my s\l1 & t 9 "s ( ! visions ?is ga9 0 v great4 ,! vision ( ,*ri/ left beh9d an impression ( ,8 exce$+ beauty1 & x rema9s ) me to ?is day4 ,"o vision alone ( ,him is en\gh to effect ?is2 :at1 !n1 mu/ all ^? visions h done1 :i* our ,"l 9 ,8 m]cy s5t me8 ,"o exce$+ly great bless+ has result$ !refrom1 & x is ?is1--,i _h "o v griev\s fault1 :i* 0 ! s\rce ( mu* evil2 namely1 :5ev] ,i f\nd anybody well dispos$ t[>ds myself1 & ,i lik$ him1 ,i us$ to h su* an affection = him z compell$ me always to rememb] & ?9k ( him1 ?\gh ,i _h no int5tion ( (f5d+ ,god3 h[ev]1 ,i 0 pleas$ to see him1 to ?9k ( him & ( 8 good qualities4 ,all ?is 0 s hurtful1 t x br\ght my s\l to ! v v]ge ( de/ruction4 #e4 ,b ev] s9ce ,i saw ! great beauty #d ( our ,"l1 ,i nev] saw any "o :o 9 comp>ison ) ,him seem$ ev5 endurable1 or t c\ld occupy my ?\ghts4 ,= if ,i b turn m9e eyes inw>dly = a mom5t to ! contemplation ( ! image :i* ,i h )9 me1 ,i f9d myself s free1 t f t in/ant ev]y?+ ,i see is loa?some 9 comp>ison ) ! excell5ces & graces ( :i* ,i _h a vision 9 our ,"l4 ,nei!r is !re any sweetness1 nor any k9d ( pleasure1 :i* ,i c make any acc\nt (1 comp>$ ) t :i* comes f he>+ b "o ^w f ,8 div9e m\?4 ,:at1 !n1 mu/ x be :5 ,i he> s _m8 ,i look ^u x z impossible--unless our ,"l1 = my s9s1 %\ld p]mit ! loss ( ?is remembrance--t ,i %\ld h ! p[] to occupy myself ) any?+ 9 su* a way z t ,i %\ld n in/antly recov] my lib]ty by ?9k+ ( our ,"l4 #f4 ,?is has happ5$ to me ) "s ( my confessors1 = ,i always h a great affection = ^? :o h ! direction ( my s\l4 ,z ,i really saw 9 !m only ! repres5tatives ( ,god1 ,i ?\ght my w 0 always !re :]e x is mo/ occupi$2 & z ,i felt v safe 9 ! matt]1 ,i always %[$ myself glad to see !m4 #e ,!y1 on ! o!r h&1 s]vants ( ,god1 & fe>+ ,him1 7 afraid t ,i 0 atta*+ & b9d+ myself too mu* to !m1 ?\gh 9 a holy way1 & treat$ me ) rud5ess4 ,?is took place aft] ,i _h become s ready to obey !m2 = be=e t "t ,i _h no affection :atev] = !m4 ,i us$ to laugh to myself1 :5 ,i saw h[ mu* !y 7 deceiv$4 ,?\gh ,i 0 n always putt+ be=e !m h[ little ,i 0 atta*$ to anybody1 z cle>ly z ,i 0 conv9c$ ( x myself1 yet ,i did assure !m ( x2 & !y1 9 _! fur!r relations ) me1 ackn[l$g$ h[ mu* ,i ow$ to our ,"l 9 ! matt]4 ,^! suspicions ( me always arose 9 ! beg9n+4 #g4 ,my love (1 & tru/ 91 our ,"l1 aft] ,i _h se5 ,him 9 a vision1 began to gr[1 = my conv]se ) ,him 0 s cont9ual4 ,i saw t1 ?\gh ,he 0 ,god1 ,he 0 man also2 t ,he is n surpris$ at ! frailties ( m51 t ,he und]/&s our mis]able nature1 liable to fall cont9ually1 because ( ! fir/ s91 = ! rep>ation ( :i* ,he _h come4 ,i c\ld speak to ,him z to a fri5d1 ?\gh ,he is my ,"l1 because ,i d n consid] ,him z "o ( our e>?ly ,lords1 :o affect a p[] !y d n possess1 :o give audi5ce at fix$ h\rs1 & to :om only c]ta9 p]sons may speak4 ,if a poor man h any bus9ess ) ^!1 x w co/ him _m go+s & com+s1 & curry+ fav\r ) o!rs1 toge!r ) mu* pa9 & lab\r be=e he c speak to !m4 ,ah1 if su* a "o has bus9ess ) a k+6 ,poor p1 n ( g5tle blood1 _c approa* him1 = !y mu/ apply to ^? :o are 8 fri5ds1 & c]ta9ly ^! are n p]sons :o tread ! _w "u _! feet2 = !y :o d ?is speak ! tru?1 fe> no?+1 & ought to fe> no?+2 !y are n c\rti]s1 because x is n ! cu/om ( a c\rt1 :]e !y mu/ be sil5t ab\t ^? ?+s !y dislike1 mu/ n ev5 d>e to ?9k ab\t !m1 le/ !y %\ld fall into disgrace4 #h4 ,o ,k+ ( glory1 & ,"l ( all k+s6 oh1 h[ ,?y k+ly dignity is n h$g$ ab\t by trifles ( ?is k9d6 ,?y k+dom is = ev]4 ,we d n require *amb]la9s to introduce u into ,?y pres5ce4 ,! v vision ( ,?y p]son %[s u at once t ,?\ alone art to be call$ ,"l4 ,?y ,maje/y is s manife/ t !re is no ne$ ( a ret9ue or gu>d to make u confess t ,?\ art ,k+4 ,an e>?ly k+ )\t att5dants w\ld be h>dly ackn[l$g$2 & ?\gh he might wi% ev] s mu* to be recognis$1 p w n own him :5 he appe>s z o!rs2 x is necess>y t 8 dignity %\ld be visible1 if p are to believe 9 x4 ,?is is reason en\gh :y k+s %\ld affect s mu* /ate2 = if !y _h none1 no "o w\ld respect !m2 ?is _! semblance ( p[] is n 9 !mselves1 & _! au?ority mu/ come to !m f o!rs4 #i4 ,o my ,"l6 ,o my ,k+6 :o c describe ,?y ,maje/y8 ,x is impossible n to see t ,?\ art ,?yself ! great ,rul] ( all1 t ! behold+ ( ,?y ,maje/y fills m5 ) awe4 ,b ,i am fill$ ) great] awe1 ,o my ,"l1 :5 ,i consid] ,?y humility1 & ! love ,?\ ha/ = su* z ,i am4 ,we c conv]se & speak ) ,!e ab\t ev]y?+ :5ev] we w2 & :5 we lose our fir/ fe> & awe at ! vision ( ,?y ,maje/y1 we h a great] dread ( (f5d+ ,!e1--n aris+ out ( ! fe> ( puni%m5t1 ,o my ,"l1 = t is z no?+ 9 comp>ison ) ! loss ( ,!e6 #aj4 ,?us f> ( ! bless+s ( ?is vision1 )\t speak+ ( o!rs1 :i* abide 9 ! s\l :5 x is pa/4 ,if x be f ,god1 ! fruits !re( %[ x1 :5 ! s\l receives light2 =1 z ,i h (t5 said1 #f ! w ( our ,"l is t ! s\l %\ld be 9 d>kness1 & n see ?is light4 ,x is1 !re=e1 no?+ to be wond]$ at t ,i1 kn[+ myself to be s wick$ z ,i am1 %\ld be afraid4 #aa4 ,x is only j n[ x happ5$ to me to be = eight days 9 a /ate :]e9 x seem$ t ,i did n1 & c\ld n1 confess my obligations to ,god1 or rememb] ,8 m]cies2 b my s\l 0 s /upefi$1 & occupi$ ) ,i "k n :at nor h[3 n t ,i _h any bad ?\ghts2 only ,i 0 s incapable ( good ?\ghts1 t ,i 0 laugh+ at myself1 & ev5 rejoic+ to see h[ mean a s\l c be if ,god is n always work+ 9 x4 #g ,! s\l sees cle>ly t ,god is n away f x 9 ?is /ate1 & t x is n 9 ^? great tribulations :i* ,i h spok5 ( z be+ occasionally m9e4 ,?\gh x heaps up fuel1 & does ! little x c d ( itself1 x _c make ! fire ( ! love ( ,god burn3 x is a great m]cy t ev5 ! smoke is visible1 %[+ t x is n altoge!r qu5*$4 ,our ,"l w return & k9dle x2 & until !n ! s\l--?\gh x may lose its brea? 9 bl[+ & arrang+ ! fuel--seems to be do+ no?+ b putt+ x out m & m4 #ab4 ,i believe t n[ ! be/ c\rse is to be absolutely resign$1 confess+ t we c d no?+1 & s apply ourselves--z ,i said be=e #h--to some?+ else :i* is m]itori\s4 ,our ,"l1 x may be1 takes away f ! s\l ! p[] ( pray+1 t x may betake itself to some?+ else1 & le>n by exp]i5ce h[ little x c d 9 its own /r5g?4 #ac4 ,x is true ,i h ?is day be5 rejoic+ 9 our ,"l1 & h d>$ to compla9 ( ,8 ,maje/y4 ,i said unto ,him3 ,h[ is x1 ,o my ,god1 t x is n en\gh = ,!e to deta9 me 9 ?is wret*$ life1 & t ,i %\ld h to be> ) x = ! love ( ,!e1 & be will+ to live :]e ev]y?+ h9d]s ! fruition ( ,!e2 :]e1 besides1 ,i mu/ eat & sleep1 transact bus9ess1 & conv]se ) e "o1 & all = ,?y love8 h[ is x1 !n1--= ,?\ well kn[e/1 ,o my ,"l1 all ?is to be ! greate/ torm5t unto me1--t1 9 ! r>e mom5ts :5 ,i am ) ,!e1 ,?\ hide/ ,?yself f me8 ,h[ is ?is consi/5t ) ,?y compassion8 ,h[ c t love ,?\ ha/ = me endure ?is8 ,i believe1 ,o ,"l1 if x 7 possible = me to hide myself f ,!e1 z ,?\ hide/ ,?yself f me--,i ?9k & believe s--su* is ,?y love1 t ,?\ w\lde/ n endure x at my h&s4 ,b ,?\ art ) me1 & see/ me always4 ,o my ,"l1 ,i besee* ,!e look to ?is2 x mu/ n be2 a wrong is done to "o :o loves ,!e s mu*4 #ad4 ,i happ5$ to utt] ^! words1 & o!rs ( ! same k9d1 :5 ,i %\ld h be5 ?9k+ r h[ my place 9 hell 0 pleasant 9 comp>ison ) ! place ,i des]v$4 ,b n[ & !n my love makes me fooli%1 s t ,i lose my s5ses2 only x is ) all ! s5se ,i h t ,i make ^! compla9ts1 & our ,"l be>s x all4 ,bless$ be s good a ,k+6 #ae4 ,c we be ?us bold ) ! k+s ( ?is _w8 ,& yet ,i am n surpris$ t we d>e n ?us speak to a k+1 = x is only reasonable t m5 %\ld be afraid ( him1 or ev5 to ! great lords :o are 8 repres5tatives4 ,! _w is n[ come to su* a /ate1 t m5's lives ought to be long] ?an !y are if we are to le>n all ! new cu/oms & c]emonies ( good bre$+1 & yet sp5d any "t 9 ! s]vice ( ,god4 ,i bless myself at ! sight ( :at is go+ on4 ,! fact is1 ,i did n "k h[ ,i 0 to live :5 ,i came into ?is h\se4 ,any neglig5ce 9 be+ mu* m c]emoni\s ) p ?an !y des]ve is n tak5 z a je/2 on ! contr>y1 !y look ^u x z an insult delib]ately (f]$2 s t x becomes necess>y = y to satisfy !m ( y\r good int5tions1 if !re happ5s1 z ,i h said1 to h be5 any neglig5ce2 & ev5 !n1 ,god grant !y may believe y4 #af4 ,i repeat x1--,i c]ta9ly did n "k h[ to live2 = my poor s\l 0 worn out4 ,x is told to employ all its ?\ghts always on ,god1 & t x is necess>y to d s if x w\ld avoid _m dang]s4 ,on ! o!r h&1 x f9ds x w n d to fail 9 any "o po9t ( ! _w's law1 "u ! p5alty ( affront+ ^? :o look ^u ^! ?+s z t\*+ _! hon\r4 ,i 0 worn out 9 unceas+ly giv+ satisfaction to p2 =1 ?\gh ,i tri$ my utmo/1 ,i c\ld n help fail+ 9 _m ways 9 matt]s :i*1 z ,i h said1 are n slightly ?\ght ( 9 ! _w4 #ag4 ,is x true t 9 religi\s h\ses no explanations are necess>y1 = x is only reasonable we %\ld be excus$ ^! obs]vances8 ,well1 t is n s2 = !re are p :o say t mona/]ies ought to be c\rts 9 polit5ess & in/ruction4 ,i c]ta9ly _c und]/& x4 ,i ?\ght t p]haps "s sa9t may h said t !y ought to be c\rts to tea* ^? :o wi% to be ! c\rti]s ( heav51 & t ^! p misund]/ood _! mean+2 = if a man be c>eful to please ,god cont9ually1 & to hate ! _w1 z he ought to d1 ,i d n see h[ he c be equally c>eful to please ^? :o live 9 ! _w 9 ^! matt]s :i* are cont9ually *ang+4 ,if !y c\ld be le>nt once = all1 x might be borne )3 b z to ! way ( address+ lett]s1 !re ought to be a pr(essor's *air f\nd$1 f :i* lectures %\ld be giv51 s to speak1 tea*+ u h[ to d x2 = ! pap] %\ld on "o occasion be left blank 9 "o corn]1 & on ano!r 9 ano!r corn]2 & a man mu/ be address$ z ! illu/ri\s :o 0 n hi!rto address$ z ! magnific5t4 #ah4 ,i "k n :]e ?is w /op3 ,i am n yet fifty1 & yet ,i h se5 s _m *anges dur+ my life1 t ,i d n "k h[ to live4 ,:at w !y d :o are only j born1 & :o may live _m ye>s8 ,c]ta9ly ,i am sorry = ^? spiritual p :o1 = c]ta9 holy purposes1 are oblig$ to live 9 ! _w2 ! cross !y h to c>ry is a dreadful "o4 ,if !y c\ld all agree toge!r1 & make !mselves ignorant1 & be will+ to be consid]$ s 9 ^! sci5ces1 !y w\ld set !mselves free f mu* tr\ble4 ,b :at folly am ,i ab\t6 f speak+ ( ! greatness ( ,god ,i am come to speak ( ! meanness ( ! _w6 ,s9ce our ,"l has giv5 me ! grace to quit x1 ,i wi% to leave x altoge!r4 ,let !m settle ^! matt]s :o ma9ta9 ^! follies ) s mu* lab\r4 ,god grant t 9 ! next life1 :]e !re is no *ang+1 we may n h to pay = !m6 ,am54 #a4 ,! ,sa9t1 hav+ int]rupt$ h] acc\nt ( h] int]ior life 9 ord] to give ! hi/ory ( ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 ,avila1--! fir/ h\se ( ! ,re=m$ ,c>melites1--"h resumes t acc\nt brok5 (f at ! end ( #aj ( *4 xxxii4 #b4 ,ephes4 i4 #ad3 ,pignus hr$itatis no/r4 #c4 ,/4 ,john iii4 #cd3 ,non enim ad m5suram dat ,deus spiritum4 #d4 ,*4 xxviii4 #a-e4 #e4 ,see *4 xl4 #bd2 ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 vii4 #a2 b *4 iv4 ( ! previ\s editions4 #f4 ,see *4 xx4 #ad4 #g4 ,see *4 xxx4 #ai4 #h4 ,see *4 xxx4 #ah1 #be4 ,*apt] ,,xxxviii4 ,c]ta9 ,heav5ly ,secrets1 ,visions1 & ,revelations4 ,! ,effects ( ,!m 9 ,h] ,s\l4 #a4 ,"o night ,i 0 s unwell t ,i ?\ght ,i might be excus$ mak+ my pray]2 s ,i took my ros>y1 t ,i might employ myself 9 vocal pray]1 try+ n to be recollect$ 9 my und]/&+1 ?\gh outw>dly ,i 0 recollect$1 be+ 9 my oratory4 ,^! little precautions are ( no use :5 our ,"l w h x o!rwise4 ,i rema9$ !re b a few mom5ts ?us1 :5 ,i 0 rapt 9 _s ) su* viol5ce t ,i c\ld make no resi/ance :atev]4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i 0 tak5 up to heav52 & ! fir/ p]sons ,i saw !re 7 my fa!r & my "m4 ,i saw o!r ?+s also2 b ! "t 0 no long] ?an t 9 :i* ! ,ave ,m>ia might be said1 & ,i 0 amaz$ at x1 look+ on x all z too great a grace = me4 ,b z to ! %ortness ( ! "t1 x might h be5 long]1 only x 0 all done 9 a v %ort space4 #b4 ,i 0 afraid x might be an illusion2 b z ,i did n ?9k s1 ,i knew n :at to d1 because ,i 0 v mu* a%am$ to g to my confessor ab\t x4 ,x 0 n1 z x seem$ to me1 because ,i 0 humble1 b because ,i ?\ght he w\ld laugh at me1 & say3 ,oh1 :at a ,/4 ,paul6--%e sees ! ?+s ( heav52 or a ,/4 ,j]ome4 ,& because ^! glori\s ,sa9ts _h _h su* visions1 ,i 0 s mu* ! m afraid1 & did no?+ b cry2 = ,i did n ?9k x possible = me to see :at !y saw4 ,at la/1 ?\gh ,i felt x exce$+ly1 ,i w5t to my confessor2 = ,i nev] d>$ to keep secret any?+ ( ?is k9d1 h[ev] mu* x di/ress$ me to speak ( !m1 ow+ to ! great fe> ,i _h ( be+ deceiv$4 ,:5 my confessor saw h[ mu* ,i 0 suff]+1 he consol$ me greatly1 & gave me pl5ty ( good reasons :y ,i %\ld h no fe>4 #c4 ,x happ5$1 also1 z "t w5t on1 & x happ5s n[ f "t to "t1 t our ,"l %[$ me /ill great] secrets4 ,! s\l1 ev5 if x w\ld1 has nei!r ! means n ! p[] to see m ?an :at ,he %[s x2 & s1 ea* "t1 ,i saw no?+ m ?an :at our ,"l 0 pleas$ to let me see4 ,b su* 0 ! vision1 t ! lea/ "p ( x 0 en\gh to make my s\l amaz$1 & to raise x s high t x e/eems & c\nts z no?+ all ! ?+s ( ?is life4 ,i wi% ,i c\ld describe1 9 "s measure1 ! smalle/ portion ( :at ,i saw2 b :5 ,i ?9k ( do+ x1 ,i f9d x impossible2 = ! m]e diff]5ce alone betwe5 ! light we h "h bel[1 & t :i* is se5 9 a vision1--bo? be+ light1--is s great1 t !re is no comp>ison betwe5 !m2 ! brightness ( ! sun itself seems to be some?+ exce$+ly loa?some4 ,9 a ^w1 ! imag9ation1 h[ev] /rong x may be1 c nei!r conceive nor picture to itself ?is light1 nor any "o ( ! ?+s :i* our ,"l %[$ me 9 a joy s supreme t x _c be describ$2 = !n all ! s5ses exult s deeply & s sweetly t no description is possible2 & s x is bett] to say no?+ m4 #d4 ,i 0 9 ?is /ate once = m ?an an h\r1 our ,"l %[+ me wond]ful ?+s4 ,he seem$ z if ,he w\ld n leave me4 ,he said to me1 ,see1 ,my daught]1 :at !y lose :o are aga9/ ,me2 d n fail to tell !m ( x4 ,ah1 my ,"l1 h[ little good my words w d !m1 :o are made bl9d by _! own conduct1 if ,?y ,maje/y w n give !m light6 ,"s1 to :om ,?\ ha/ giv5 x1 !re are1 :o h pr(it$ by ! k ( ,?y greatness2 b z !y see x reveal$ to "o s wick$ & base z ,i am1 ,i look ^u x z a great ?+ if !re %\ld be any f\nd to believe me4 ,bless$ be ,?y "n1 & bless$ be ,?y compassion2 = ,i c trace1 at lea/ 9 my own s\l1 a visible improvem5t4 ,aft]w>ds ,i wi%$ ,i _h cont9u$ 9 t trance = ev]1 & t ,i _h n return$ to consci\sness1 because ( an abid+ s5se ( contempt = ev]y?+ "h bel[2 all seem$ to be fil?2 & ,i see h[ meanly we employ ourselves :o are deta9$ on e>?4 #e4 ,:5 ,i 0 /ay+ ) t lady ( :om ,i h be5 speak+1 #a x happ5$ to me once :5 ,i 0 suff]+ f my he>t1--=1 z ,i h said1 #b ,i suff]$ greatly at "o "t1 ?\gh n s mu* n[1--t %e1 be+ a p]son ( great *>ity1 br\ght out h] jewels set 9 gold1 & preci\s /ones ( great price1 & p>ticul>ly a diamond1 :i* %e valu$ v mu*4 ,%e ?\ght ?is might amuse me2 b ,i laugh$ to myself1 & 0 v sorry to see :at m5 made mu* (2 = ,i ?\ght ( :at our ,"l _h laid up = u1 & consid]$ h[ impossible x 0 = me1 ev5 if ,i made ! ef=t1 to h any appreciation :atev] ( su* ?+s1 provid$ our ,"l did n p]mit me to =get :at ,he 0 keep+ = u4 #f4 ,a s\l 9 ?is /ate atta9s to a c]ta9 fre$om1 :i* is s complete t none c und]/& x :o does n possess x4 ,x is a real & true deta*m5t1 indep5d5t ( our ef=ts2 ,god effects x all ,himself2 = ,8 ,maje/y reveals ! tru? 9 su* a way1 t x rema9s s deeply impress$ on our s\ls z to make x cle> t we ( ourselves c\ld n ?us acquire x 9 s %ort a "t4 #g4 ,! fe> ( dea?1 also1 0 n[ v slight 9 me1 :o _h always be5 9 great dread ( x2 n[ x seems to me t dea? is a v light ?+ = "o :o s]ves ,god1 because ! s\l is 9 a mom5t deliv]$ !reby out ( its prison1 & at re/4 ,?is elevation ( ! _s1 & ! vision ( ?+s s high1 9 ^! trances seem to me to h a great lik5ess to ! flight ( ! s\l f ! body1 9 t x f9ds itself 9 a mom5t 9 ! possession ( ^! good ?+s4 ,we put aside ! agonies ( its dissolution1 ( :i* no great acc\nt is to be made2 = !y :o love ,god 9 tru?1 & are utt]ly deta*$ f ! ?+s ( ?is life1 mu/ die ) ! great] sweetness4 #h4 ,x seems to me1 also1 t ! rapture 0 a great help to recognise our true home1 & to see t we are pilgrims "h2 #c x is a great ?+ to see :at is go+ on !re & to "k :]e we h to live2 = if a p]son has to g & settle 9 ano!r c\ntry1 x is a great help to him1 9 und]go+ ! fatigues ( 8 j\rney1 t he has discov]$ x to be a c\ntry :]e he may live 9 ! mo/ p]fect peace4 ,moreov]1 x makes x easy = u to ?9k ( ! ?+s ( heav51 & to h our conv]sation !re4 #d ,x is a great ga91 because ! m]e look+ up to heav5 makes ! s\l recollect$2 = z our ,"l has be5 pleas$ to reveal heav5 9 "s degree1 my s\l dwells ^u x 9 ?\ght2 & x happ5s occasionally t !y :o are ab\t me1 & ) :om ,i f9d consolation1 are ^? :om ,i "k to be liv+ 9 heav51 & t ,i look ^u !m only z really alive2 :ile ^? :o are on e>? are s dead1 t ! :ole _w seems unable to furni% me ) companions1 p>ticul>ly :5 ^! impetuosities ( love are ^u me4 ,ev]y?+ seems a dream1 & :at ,i see ) ! bodily eyes an illusion4 ,:at ,i h se5 ) ! eyes ( ! s\l is t :i* my s\l desires2 & z x f9ds itself f> away f ^? ?+s1 t is dea?4 #i4 ,9 a ^w1 x is a v great m]cy :i* our ,"l gives to t s\l to :i* ,he grants ! l visions1 = !y help x 9 mu*1 & also 9 c>ry+ a heavy cross1 s9ce no?+ satisfies x1 & ev]y?+ is aga9/ x2 & if our ,"l did n n[ & !n suff] ^! visions to be =gott51 ?\gh !y recur aga9 & aga9 to ! memory1 ,i "k n h[ life c\ld be borne4 ,may ,he be bless$ & prais$ = ev] & ev]6 ,i implore ,8 ,maje/y by t ,blood :i* ,8 ,son %$ = me1 n[ t1 ( ,8 good pleasure1 ,i "k some?+ ( ^! great bless+s1 & beg9 to h ! fruition ( !m1 t x may n be ) me z x 0 ) ,lucif]1 :o by 8 own fault =feit$ x all4 ,i besee* ,!e1 = ,?9e own sake1 n to suff] ?is2 = ,i am at times 9 great fe>1 ?\gh at o!rs1 & mo/ frequ5tly1 ! m]cy ( ,god reassures me1 = ,he :o has deliv]$ me f s _m s9s w n )draw ,8 h& f "u me1 & let me be lo/4 ,i pray y1 my fa!r1 to beg ?is grace = me always4 #aj4 ,! m]cies1 !n1 hi!rto describ$1 are n1 9 my op9ion1 s great z ^? :i* ,i am n[ go+ to speak (1 on _m acc\nts1 because ( ! great bless+s !y h br\ght ) !m1 & because ( ! great =titude :i* my s\l d]iv$ f !m2 & yet e "o sep>ately consid]$ is s great1 t !re is no?+ to be comp>$ ) !m4 #aa4 ,"o day--x 0 ! eve ( ,p5teco/--,i w5t aft] ,mass to a v lonely spot1 :]e ,i us$ to pray v (t51 & began to read ab\t ! fea/ 9 ! book ( a ,c>?usian2 #e & read+ ( ! m>ks by :i* beg9n]s1 pr(ici5ts1 & ! p]fect may "k t !y h ! ,holy ,gho/1 x seem$ to me1 :5 ,i _h read ( ^! ?ree /ates1 t by ! goodness ( ,god1 s f> z ,i c\ld und]/&1 ! ,holy ,gho/ 0 ) me4 ,i prais$ ,god = x2 & call+ to m9d h[ on ano!r occasion1 :5 ,i read ?is1 ,i 0 v defici5t1--= ,i saw mo/ di/9ctly at t "t h[ defici5t ,i 0 !n f :at ,i saw ,i 0 n[1--,i recognis$ h]e9 ! great m]cy ( our ,"l to me1 & s began to consid] ! place :i* my s9s _h e>n$ = me 9 hell1 & prais$ ,god exce$+ly1 because x seem$ z if ,i did n "k my own s\l aga91 s great a *ange _h come ov] x4 #ab4 ,:ile ?9k+ ( ^! ?+s1 my s\l 0 c>ri$ away ) extreme viol5ce1 & ,i knew n :y4 ,x seem$ z if x w\ld h gone =? out ( ! body1 = x c\ld n conta9 itself1 nor 0 x able to hope = s great a good4 ,! impetuosity 0 s excessive t ,i _h no p[] left1 &1 z ,i ?9k1 diff]5t f :at ,i _h be5 us$ to4 ,i knew n :at ail$ my s\l1 nor :at x desir$1 = x 0 s *ang$4 ,i lean$ = support1 = ,i c\ld n sit1 because my natural /r5g? _h utt]ly fail$4 #ac4 ,!n ,i saw ov] my head a dove1 v diff]5t f ^? we usually see1 = x _h n ! same plumage1 b w+s =m$ ( small %ells %9+ brightly4 ,x 0 l>g] ?an an ord9>y dove2 ,i ?\ght ,i he>d ! ru/l+ ( its w+s4 ,x hov]$ above me dur+ ! space ( an ,ave ,m>ia4 ,b su* 0 ! /ate ( my s\l1 t 9 los+ itself x lo/ also ! sight ( ! dove4 ,my _s grew calm ) su* a gue/2 & yet1 z ,i ?9k1 a grace s wond]ful might h di/urb$ & fright5$ x2 & z x began to rejoice 9 ! vision1 x 0 deliv]$ f all fe>1 & ) ! joy came peace1 my s\l cont9u+ entranc$4 ,! joy ( ?is rapture 0 exce$+ly great2 & = ! re/ ( t fe/al "t ,i 0 s amaz$ & bewild]$ t ,i did n "k :at ,i 0 do+1 nor h[ ,i c\ld h receiv$ s great a grace4 ,i nei!r he>d nor saw any?+1 s to speak1 because ( my great inw>d joy4 ,f t day =? ,i p]ceiv$ 9 myself a v great progress 9 ! highe/ love ( ,god1 toge!r ) a great increase 9 ! /r5g? ( my virtues4 ,may ,he be bless$ & prais$ = ev]6 ,am54 #ad4 ,on ano!r occasion ,i saw t v dove above ! head ( "o ( ! ,dom9ican fa!rs2 b x seem$ to me t ! rays & brightness ( ! w+s 7 f> great]4 ,i und]/ood by ?is t he 0 to draw s\ls unto ,god4 #ae4 ,at ano!r "t ,i saw our ,lady putt+ a cope ( exce$+ :it5ess on t ,lic5tiate ( ! same ,ord]1 ( :om ,i h made m5tion m ?an once4 #f ,%e told me t %e gave him t cope 9 consid]ation ( ! s]vice he _h r5d]$ h] by help+ to f\nd ?is h\se1 #g t x 0 a sign t %e w\ld pres]ve 8 s\l pure = ! future1 & t he %\ld n fall into mortal s94 ,i hold x = c]ta9 t s x came to pass1 = he di$ )9 a few ye>s2 8 dea? & ! re/ ( 8 life 7 s p5it5tial1 8 :ole life & dea? s holy1 t1 s f> z any?+ c be kn[n1 !re _c be a d\bt on ! subject4 ,"o ( ! fri>s pres5t at 8 dea? told me t1 be=e he brea!d 8 la/1 he said to him t ,/4 ,?omas 0 ) him4 #h ,he di$ 9 great joy1 long+ to dep>t out ( ?is l& ( exile4 #af4 ,s9ce !n he has appe>$ to me m ?an once 9 exce$+ly great glory1 & told me c]ta9 ?+s4 ,he 0 s giv5 to pray]1 t :5 he 0 dy+1 & w\ld h int]rupt$ x if he c\ld because ( 8 great weakness1 he 0 n able to d s2 = he 0 (t5 9 a trance4 ,he wrote to me n long be=e he di$1 & ask$ me :at he 0 to d2 = z soon z he _h said ,mass he fell into a trance :i* la/$ a long "t1 & :i* he c\ld n h9d]4 ,at la/ ,god gave him ! rew>d ( ! _m s]vices ( 8 :ole life4 #ag4 ,i _h c]ta9 visions1 too1 ( ! great graces :i* our ,"l be/[$ ^u t rector ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 ( :om ,i h spok5 already m ?an once2 #i b ,i w n say any?+ ( !m n[1 le/ ,i %\ld be too t$i\s4 ,x 0 8 lot once to be 9 great tr\ble1 to suff] great p]secution & di/ress4 ,"o day1 :5 ,i 0 he>+ ,mass1 ,i saw ,*ri/ on ! ,cross at ! elevation ( ! ,ho/4 ,he spoke c]ta9 words to me1 :i* ,i 0 to repeat to t fa!r = 8 com=t1 toge!r ) o!rs1 :i* 7 to w>n him be=eh& ( :at 0 com+1 & to rem9d him ( :at ,he _h suff]$ on 8 behalf1 & t he mu/ prep>e = suff]+4 ,?is gave him great consolation & c\rage2 & ev]y?+ came to pass aft]w>ds z our ,"l _h told me4 #ah4 ,i h se5 great ?+s ( memb]s ( ! ,ord] to :i* ?is fa!r belongs1 :i* is ! ,society ( ,jesus1 & ( ! :ole ,ord] itself2 ,i h occasionally se5 !m 9 heav5 ) :ite bann]s 9 _! h&s1 & ,i h _h o!r mo/ wond]ful visions1 z ,i am say+1 ab\t !m1 & !re=e h a great v5]ation = ?is ,ord]2 = ,i h _h a great deal to d ) ^? :o are ( x1 & ,i see t _! lives are con=m$ to t :i* our ,"l gave me to und]/& ab\t !m4 #ai4 ,"o night1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 our ,"l spoke to me c]ta9 words1 :]eby ,he made me rememb] ! great wick$ness ( my pa/ life4 ,!y fill$ me ) %ame & di/ress2 = ?\gh !y 7 n spok5 ) sev]ity1 !y caus$ a feel+ & a pa9fulness :i* 7 too mu* = me3 & we feel t we make great] progress 9 ! k ( ourselves :5 we he> "o ( ^! words1 ?an we c make by a m$itation ( _m days on our own mis]y1 because ^! words impress ! tru? ^u u at ! same "t 9 su* a way t we _c resi/ x4 ,he set be=e me ! =m] incl9ations ( my w to vanities1 & told me to make mu* ( ! desire ,i n[ _h t my w1 :i* _h be5 s ill employ$1 %\ld be fix$ on ,him1 & t ,he w\ld accept x4 #bj4 ,on o!r occasions ,he told me to rememb] h[ ,i us$ to ?9k x an hon\rable ?+ to g aga9/ ,8 hon\r2 &1 aga91 to rememb] my debt to ,him1 = :5 ,i 0 mo/ rebelli\s ,he 0 be/[+ ,8 graces ^u me4 ,if ,i am do+ any?+ wrong--& my wrong-do+s are _m--,8 ,maje/y makes me see x 9 su* a way t ,i am utt]ly conf\nd$2 & z ,i d s (t51 t happ5s (t5 also4 ,i h be5 f\nd fault ) by my confessors occasionally2 & on betak+ myself to pray] = consolation1 h receiv$ a real reprim&4 #ba4 ,to return to :at ,i 0 speak+ (4 ,:5 our ,"l made me rememb] my wick$ life1 ,i wept2 = z ,i consid]$ t ,i _h !n nev] done any good1 ,i ?\ght ,he might be ab\t to be/[ ^u me "s special grace2 because mo/ frequ5tly1 :5 ,i receive any p>ticul> m]cy f our ,"l1 x is :5 ,i h be5 previ\sly greatly humiliat$1 9 ord] t ,i may ! m cle>ly see h[ f> ,i am f des]v+ x4 ,i ?9k our ,"l mu/ d x = t end4 #bb4 ,almo/ imm$iately aft] ?is ,i 0 s rais$ up 9 _s t ,i ?\ght myself to be1 z x 71 out ( ! body2 at lea/1 ,i did n "k t ,i 0 liv+ 9 x4 #aj ,i _h a vision ( ! mo/ ,sacr$ ,humanity 9 exce$+ glory1 great] ?an ,i _h ev] se5 ,x 9 be=e4 ,i beheld ,x 9 a wond]ful & cle> way 9 ! bosom ( ! ,fa!r4 ,i _c tell h[ x 01 = ,i saw myself1 )\t see+1 z x seem$ to me1 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,my amazem5t 0 su* t ,i rema9$1 z ,i believe1 "s days be=e ,i c\ld recov] myself4 ,i _h cont9ually be=e me1 z pres5t1 ! ,maje/y ( ! ,son ( ,god1 ?\gh n s di/9ctly z 9 ! vision4 ,i und]/ood ?is well en\gh2 b ! vision rema9$ s impress$ on my imag9ation1 t ,i c\ld n get rid ( x = "s "t1 ?\gh x _h la/$ b a mom5t2 x is a great com=t to me1 & also a great bless+4 #bc4 ,i h _h ?is vision on ?ree o!r occasions1 & x is1 ,i ?9k1 ! highe/ vision ( all ! visions :i* our ,"l 9 ,8 m]cy %[$ me4 ,! fruits ( x are ! v greate/1 = x seems to purify ! s\l 9 a wond]ful way1 & de/roy1 z x 7 utt]ly1 altoge!r ! /r5g? ( our s5sual nature4 ,x is a gr& flame ( fire1 :i* seems to burn up & annihilate all ! desires ( ?is life4 ,= ?\gh n[--glory be to ,god6--,i _h no desire aft] vanities1 ,i saw cle>ly 9 ! vision h[ all ?+s are vanity1 & h[ holl[ are all ! dignities ( e>?2 x 0 a great lesson1 tea*+ me to raise up my desires to ! ,tru? alone4 ,x impresses on ! s\l a s5se ( ! pres5ce ( ,god su* z ,i _c 9 any way describe1 only x is v diff]5t f t :i* x is 9 our own p[] to acquire on e>?4 ,x fills ! s\l ) pr(\nd a/oni%m5t at its own d>+1 & at any "o else be+ able to d>e to (f5d ,8 mo/ awful ,maje/y4 #bd4 ,i mu/ h spok5 n[ & !n ( ! effects ( visions1 #aa & ( o!r matt]s ( ! same k9d1 & ,i h already said t ! bless+s !y br+ ) !m are ( v>i\s degrees2 b ^? ( ?is vision are ! highe/ ( all4 ,:5 ,i w5t to ,communion once ,i call$ to m9d ! exce$+ great maje/y ( ,him ,i _h se51 & consid]$ t x 0 ,he :o is pres5t 9 ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 & v (t5 our ,"l 0 pleas$ to %[ ,himself to me 9 ! ,ho/2 ! v hairs on my head /ood1 #ab & ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld come to no?+4 #be4 ,o my ,"l6 ah1 if ,?\ did/ n ?r[ a veil ov] ,?y greatness1 :o w\ld d>e1 be+ s f\l & mis]able1 to come 9 contact ) ,?y great ,maje/y8 ,bless$ be ,?\1 ,o ,"l2 may ! angels & all creation praise ,!e1 :o ord]e/ all ?+s accord+ to ! measure ( our weakness1 s t1 :5 we h ! fruition ( ,?y sov]eign m]cies1 ,?y great p[] may n t]rify u1 s t we d>e n1 be+ a frail & mis]able race1 p]sev]e 9 t fruition6 #bf4 ,x might happ5 to u z x did to ! lab\r]--,i "k x to be a c]ta9 fact--:o f\nd a treasure beyond 8 expectations1 :i* 7 mean4 ,:5 he saw himself 9 possession ( x1 he 0 seiz$ ) melan*oly1 :i* by degrees br\ght him to 8 grave ?r\gh simple di/ress & anxiety ( m9d1 because he did n "k :at to d ) 8 treasure4 ,if he _h n f\nd x all at once1 & if o!rs _h giv5 him portions ( x by degrees1 ma9ta9+ him !reby1 he might h be5 m happy ?an he _h be5 9 8 pov]ty1 nor w\ld x h co/ him 8 life4 #bg4 ,o ,?\ ,treasure ( ! poor6 h[ m>vell\sly ,?\ su/a9e/ s\ls1 %[+ to !m1 n all at once1 b by little & little1 ! abundance ( ,?y ri*es6 ,:5 ,i behold ,?y great ,maje/y hidd5 b5ea? t :i* is s slight z ! ,ho/ is1 ,i am fill$ ) wond]1 ev] s9ce t vision1 at ,?y great wisdom2 & ,i "k n h[ x is t our ,"l gives me ! /r5g? & c\rage necess>y to draw ne> to him1 7 x n t ,he :o has _h su* compassion on me1 & /ill has1 gives me /r5g?1 nor w\ld x be possible = me to be sil5t1 or refra9 f mak+ kn[n m>vels s great4 #bh4 ,:at mu/ be ! ?\ghts ( a wret*$ p]son su* z ,i am1 full ( abom9ations1 & :o has sp5t h] life ) s little fe> ( ,god1 :5 %e draws ne> to our ,"l's great ,maje/y1 at ! mom5t ,he is pleas$ to %[ ,himself to my s\l8 ,h[ c ,i op5 my m\?1 t has utt]$ s _m words aga9/ ,him1 to receive t mo/ glori\s ,body1 purity & compassion itself8 ,! love t is visible 9 ,8 mo/ beautiful ,face1 sweet & t5d]1 pa9s & di/resses ! s\l1 because x has n s]v$ ,him1 m ?an all ! t]rors ( ,8 ,maje/y4 ,:at %\ld h be5 my ?\ghts1 !n1 on ^? two occasions :5 ,i saw :at ,i h describ$8 ,truly1 ,o my ,"l & my joy1 ,i am go+ to say t 9 "s way1 9 ^! great afflictions ( my s\l1 ,i h done some?+ 9 ,?y s]vice4 ,ah6 ,i "k n :at ,i am say+1 = ,i am writ+ ?is z if ! words 7 n m9e1 #ac because ,i am tr\bl$1 & 9 "s measure beside myself1 :5 ,i call ^! ?+s to remembrance4 ,if ^! ?\ghts 7 really m9e1 ,i might well say t ,i _h done some?+ = ,!e1 ,o my ,"l2 b z ,i c h no good ?\ght if ,?\ give/ x n1 no ?anks are due to me2 ,i am ! debtor1 ,o ,"l1 & x is ,?\ :o art ! (f5d$ ,"o4 #bi4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 go+ to ,communion1 ,i saw ) ! eyes ( ! s\l1 m di/9ctly ?an ) ^? ( ! body1 two devils ( mo/ hide\s %ape2 _! horns seem$ to encompass ! ?roat ( ! poor prie/2 & ,i beheld my ,"l1 9 t great maje/y ( :i* ,i h spok51 #ad held 9 ! h&s ( t prie/1 9 ! ,ho/ he 0 ab\t to give me4 ,x 0 pla9 t ^? h&s 7 ^? ( a s9n]1 & ,i felt t ! s\l ( t prie/ 0 9 mortal s94 ,:at mu/ x be1 ,o my ,"l1 to look ^u ,?y beauty amid %apes s hide\s6 ,! two devils 7 s fright5$ & c[$ 9 ,?y pres5ce1 t !y seem$ z if !y w\ld h will+ly run away1 had/ ,?\ b giv5 !m leave4 ,s tr\bl$ 0 ,i by ! vision1 t ,i knew n h[ ,i c\ld g to ,communion4 ,i 0 also 9 great fe>1 = ,i ?\ght1 if ! vision 0 f ,god1 t ,8 ,maje/y w\ld n h all[$ me to see ! evil /ate ( t s\l4 #ae #cj4 ,our ,"l ,himself told me to pray = t prie/2 t ,he _h all[$ ?is 9 ord] t ,i might und]/& ! p[] ( ! words ( consecration1 & h[ ,god fail$ n to be pres5t1 h[ev] wick$ ! prie/ might be :o utt]$ !m2 & t ,i might see ,8 great goodness 9 t ,he left ,himself 9 ! v h&s ( ,8 enemy1 = my good & = ! good ( all4 ,i und]/ood cle>ly h[ ! prie/s are "u great] obligations to be holy ?an o!r p]sons2 & :at a horrible ?+ x is to receive ?is mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t unwor?ily1 & h[ great is ! devil's dom9ion ov] a s\l 9 mortal s94 ,x did me a great s]vice1 & made me fully und]/& :at ,i owe to ,god4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]more6 #ca4 ,at ano!r "t ,i _h a vision ( a diff]5t k9d1 :i* fright5$ me v mu*4 ,i 0 9 a place :]e a c]ta9 p]son di$1 :o z ,i und]/ood _h l$ a v bad life1 & t = _m ye>s4 ,b he _h be5 ill = two ye>s1 & 9 "s respects seem$ to h re=m$4 ,he di$ )\t confession2 nev]!less1 ,i did n ?9k he w\ld be damn$4 ,:5 ! body _h be5 wrapp$ 9 ! w9d+-%eet1 ,i saw x laid hold ( by a multitude ( devils1 :o seem$ to toss x to & fro1 & also to treat x ) great cruelty4 ,i 0 t]rifi$ at ! sight1 = !y dragg$ x ab\t ) great hooks4 ,b :5 ,i saw x c>ri$ to ! grave ) all ! respect & c]emoni\sness common to all1 ,i began to ?9k ( ! goodness ( ,god1 :o w\ld n all[ t p]son to be di%on\r$1 b w\ld h ! fact ( 8 be+ ,8 enemy conceal$4 #cb4 ,i 0 almo/ out ( my s5ses at ! sight4 ,dur+ ! :ole ( ! fun]al s]vice1 ,i did n see "o ( ! evil spirits4 ,aft]w>ds1 :5 ! body 0 ab\t to be laid 9 ! grave1 s great a multitude ( !m 0 !re9 wait+ to receive x1 t ,i 0 beside myself at ! sight1 & x requir$ no slight c\rage on my "p n to betray my di/ress4 ,i ?\ght ( ! treatm5t :i* t s\l w\ld receive1 :5 ! devils _h su* p[] ov] ! wret*$ body4 ,w\ld to ,god t all :o live 9 mortal s9 might see :at ,i !n saw1--x 0 a fe>ful sight2 x w\ld g1 ,i believe1 a great way t[>ds mak+ !m lead bett] lives4 #cc4 ,all ?is made me "k m ( :at ,i owe to ,god1 & ( ! evils f :i* ,he has deliv]$ me4 ,i 0 9 great t]ror4 ,i spoke ( x to my confessor1 & ,i ?\ght x might be an illusion ( ,satan1 9 ord] to take away my good op9ion ( t p]son1 :o yet 0 n acc\nt$ a v good ,*ri/ian4 ,! tru? is1 t1 :e!r x 0 an illusion or n1 x makes me afraid :5ev] ,i ?9k ( x4 #cd4 ,n[ t ,i h begun to speak ( ! visions ,i _h conc]n+ ! dead1 ,i w m5tion "s matt]s :i* our ,"l 0 pleas$ to reveal to me 9 relation to c]ta9 s\ls4 ,i w conf9e myself to a few = ! sake ( brevity1 & because !y are n necess>y2 ,i mean t !y are n = our pr(it4 ,!y told me t "o :o _h be5 our ,prov9cial--he 0 !n ( ano!r prov9ce--0 dead4 ,he 0 a man ( great virtue1 ) :om ,i _h _h a great deal to d1 & to :om ,i 0 "u _m obligations = c]ta9 k9dnesses %[n me4 ,:5 ,i he>d t he 0 dead1 ,i 0 exce$+ly tr\bl$1 because ,i trembl$ = 8 salvation1 see+ t he _h be5 sup]ior = tw5ty ye>s4 ,t is :at ,i dread v mu*2 = ! cure ( s\ls seems to me to be full ( dang]4 ,i w5t to an oratory 9 great di/ress1 & gave up to him all ! good ,i _h ev] done 9 my :ole life1--x 0 little en\gh1--& pray$ our ,"l t ,8 m]its might fill up :at 0 want+1 9 ord] t ?is s\l might be deliv]$ up f purgatory4 #ce4 ,:ile ,i 0 ?us pray+ to our ,"l z well z ,i c\ld1 he seem$ to me to rise up f ! dep?s ( ! e>? on my "r h&1 & ,i saw him asc5d to heav5 9 exce$+ great joy4 ,he 0 a v old man !n1 b ,i saw him z if he 7 only ?irty ye>s old1 & ,i ?\ght ev5 y\ng]1 & !re 0 a brightness 9 8 face4 ,?is vision pass$ away v quickly2 b ,i 0 s exce$+ly com=t$ by x1 t ,i c\ld nev] aga9 m\rn 8 dea?1 al?\gh _m p]sons 7 di/ress$ at x1 = he 0 v mu* belov$4 ,s greatly com=t$ 0 my s\l1 t no?+ di/urb$ x1 nei!r c\ld ,i d\bt ! tru? ( ! vision2 ,i mean t x 0 no illusion4 #cf4 ,i _h ?is vision ab\t a =tnight aft] he 0 dead2 nev]!less1 ,i did n omit to obta9 pray]s = him & ,i pray$ myself1 only ,i c\ld n pray ) ! same e>ne/ness t ,i %\ld h done if ,i _h n se5 t vision4 ,= :5 our ,"l %[$ him ?us to me1 x seem$ to me aft]w>ds1 :5 ,i pray$ = him to ,8 ,maje/y1--& ,i c\ld n help x1--t ,i 0 l "o :o gave alms to a ri* man4 ,lat] on ,i he>d an acc\nt ( ! dea? he di$ 9 our ,"l--he 0 f> away f "h2 x 0 "o ( su* great edification1 t he left all wond]+ to see h[ recollect$1 h[ p5it5t1 & h[ humble he 0 :5 he di$4 #cg4 ,a nun1 :o 0 a great s]vant ( ,god1 di$ 9 ?is h\se4 ,on ! next day "o ( ! si/]s 0 recit+ ! lesson 9 ! ,(fice ( ! ,dead1 :i* 0 said 9 *oir = t nun's s\l1 & ,i 0 /&+ myself to assi/ h] 9 s++ ! v]sicle1 :51 9 ! middle ( ! lesson1 ,i saw ! dep>t$ nun z ,i believe1 9 a vision2 h] s\l seem$ to rise on my "r h& l ! s\l ( ! ,prov9cial1 & asc5d to heav54 ,?is vision 0 n imag9>y1 l ! prec$+1 b l ^? o!rs ( :i* ,i h spok5 be=e2 #af x is n less c]ta91 h[ev]1 ?an ! o!r visions ,i _h4 #ch4 ,ano!r nun di$ 9 ?is same h\se ( m9e1 %e 0 ab\t eighte5 or tw5ty ye>s ( age1 & _h always be5 sickly4 ,%e 0 a great s]vant ( ,god1 att5tive 9 *oir1 & a p]son ( great virtue4 ,i c]ta9ly ?\ght t %e w\ld n g to purgatory1 on acc\nt ( h] exce$+ m]its1 because ! infirmities "u :i* %e _h lab\r$ 7 _m4 ,:ile ,i 0 say+ ! ,(fice1 be=e %e 0 buri$1--%e _h be5 dead ab\t f\r h\rs1--,i saw h] rise 9 ! same place & asc5d to heav54 #ci4 ,i 0 once 9 "o ( ! colleges ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 & 9 "o ( ^? great suff]+s :i*1 z ,i h said1 #ag ,i occasionally _h1 & /ill h1 bo? 9 s\l & body1 & !n s griev\sly t ,i 0 n able1 z x seem$ to me1 to h ev5 "o good ?\ght4 ,! night be=e1 "o ( ! bro!rs ( t h\se _h di$ 9 x2 & ,i1 z well z ,i c\ld1 0 comm5d+ 8 s\l to ,god1 & he>+ ! ,mass :i* ano!r fa!r ( t ,society 0 say+ = him :5 ,i became recollect$ at once1 & saw him g up to heav5 9 great glory1 & our ,"l ) him4 ,i und]/ood t ,8 ,maje/y w5t ) him by way ( special grace4 #dj4 ,ano!r bro!r ( our ,ord]1 a good fri>1 0 v ill2 & :5 ,i 0 at ,mass1 ,i became recollect$ & saw him dead1 ent]+ into heav5 )\t go+ ?r\gh purgatory4 ,he di$1 z ,i aft]w>ds le>n$1 at ! v "t ( my vision4 ,i 0 amaz$ t he _h n gone to purgatory4 ,i und]/ood t1 hav+ become a fri> & c>efully kept ! rule1 ! ,bulls ( ! ,ord] _h be5 ( use to him1 s t he did n pass into purgatory4 ,i d n "k :y ,i came to h ?is reveal$ to me2 ,i ?9k x mu/ be because ,i 0 to le>n t x is n en\gh = a man to be a fri> 9 8 habit--,i mean1 to we> ! habit--to atta9 to t /ate ( high p]fection :i* t ( a fri> is4 #da4 ,i w speak no m ( ^! ?+s1 because z ,i h j said1 #ah !re is no necessity = x1 ?\gh our ,"l has be5 s graci\s to me z to %[ me mu*4 ,b 9 all ! visions ,i _h1 ,i saw no s\ls escape purgatory except ?is ,c>melite fa!r1 ! holy fri> ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 & t ,dom9ican fa!r ( :om ,i spoke be=e4 #ai ,x pleas$ our ,"l to let me see ! degree ( glory to :i* "s s\ls h be5 rais$1 %[+ !m to me 9 ! places !y occupy4 ,!re is a great diff]5ce betwe5 "o place & ano!r4 #a4 ,*4 xxxiv4 ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 at ,tol$o4 #b4 ,*4 iv4 #f4 #c4 #a ,/4 ,pet] ii4 #aa3 ,adv5as et p]egr9os4 #d4 ,philipp4 iii4 #bj3 ,no/ra autem conv]satio 9 coelis e/4 #e4 ,! ,life ( ,*ri/1 by ,ludolf ( ,saxony4 #f4 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,see *4 xxxiii4 #e1 *4 xxxvi4 #bc4 ,?is fa!r di$ ,prior ( ,trianos1 is writt5 on ! m>g9 ( ! ,,ms4 by ,f4 ,baes 7,de la ,fu5te74 #g4 ,/4 ,joseph1 ,avila1 :]e ,/4 ,t]esa 0 liv+ at ?is "t4 #h4 ,see bel[1 #da4 #i4 ,f4 ,gasp> de ,salaz>3 see *4 xxxiii4 #i1 *4 xxxiv4 #b4 ,x appe>s f ! #agi? lett] ( ! ,sa9t 7lett4 #bj1 vol4 i4 ( ! ,doblado edition7 t ,f4 ,salaz> 0 report$ to 8 ,prov9cial1 ,f4 ,juan ,su>ez1 z hav+ desire to quit ! ,society = ! ,c>melite ,ord]4 #aj4 #b ,cor4 xii4 #b3 ,sive 9 corpore nescio1 sive extra corpus nescio4 #aa4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #ab4 ,job iv4 #ae3 ,inhorru]unt pili c>nis me4 #ac4 ,! biograph]s ( ! ,sa9t say t %e (t5 f\nd1 on return+ f an ec/asy1 c]ta9 passages writt51 b n by h]self2 ?is seems to be allud$ to "h 7,de la ,fu5te74 #ad4 #bb4 #ae4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,asc5t ( ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 xxvi4 vol4 i4 p4 #ahc4 #af4 ,see *4 xxvii4 #ag4 ,*4 xxx4 #i4 #ah4 #cd4 #ai4 #ae4 ,fr4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,*apt] ,,xxxix4 ,o!r ,graces ,be/[$ on ! ,sa9t4 ,! ,promises ( ,our ,"l to ,h]4 ,div9e ,locutions & ,visions4 #a4 ,i 0 once importun+ our ,"l exce$+ly to re/ore ! sight ( a p]son :o _h claims ^u me1 & :o 0 almo/ :olly bl9d4 ,i 0 v sorry = him1 & afraid our ,"l w\ld n he> me because ( my s9s4 ,he appe>$ to me z at o!r times1 & began to %[ ! w\nd 9 ,8 left h&2 ) ! o!r ,he drew out ! great nail t 0 9 x1 & x seem$ to me t1 9 draw+ ! nail1 ,he tore ! fle%4 ,! greatness ( ! pa9 0 manife/1 & ,i 0 v mu* di/ress$ !reat4 ,he said to me1 t ,he :o _h borne t = my sake w\ld /ill m readily grant :at ,i ask$ ,him1 & t ,i 0 n to h any d\bts ab\t x4 ,he promis$ me !re 0 no?+ ,i %\ld ask t ,he w\ld n grant2 t ,he knew ,i %\ld ask no?+ t 0 n = ,8 glory1 & t ,he w\ld grant me :at ,i 0 n[ pray+ =4 ,ev5 dur+ ! "t :5 ,i did n s]ve ,him1 ,i %\ld f9d1 if ,i consid]$ x1 ,i _h ask$ no?+ t ,he _h n grant$ 9 an ampl] mann] ?an ,i _h kn[n h[ to ask2 h[ mu* m amply /ill w\ld ,he grant :at ,i ask$ =1 n[ t ,he knew ,i lov$ ,him6 ,i 0 n to d\bt4 ,i d n ?9k t eight days pass$ be=e our ,"l re/or$ t p]son to sight4 ,my confessor knew x =?)4 ,x might be t x 0 n ow+ to my pray]2 b1 z ,i _h _h ! vision1 ,i h a c]ta9 conviction t x 0 a grace accord$ to me4 ,i gave ?anks to ,8 ,maje/y4 #b4 ,aga91 a p]son 0 exce$+ly ill ( a mo/ pa9ful disease2 b1 z ,i d n "k :at x 01 ,i d n describe x by its "n "h4 ,:at he _h gone ?r\gh = two mon?s 0 beyond all endurance2 & 8 pa9 0 s great t he tore 8 own fle%4 ,my confessor1 ! rector ( :om ,i h spok51 #a w5t to see him2 he 0 v sorry = him1 & told me t ,i mu/ anyh[ g myself & visit him2 he 0 "o :om ,i might visit1 = he 0 my k9sman4 ,i w5t1 & 0 mov$ to su* a t5d] compassion = him t ,i began1 ) ! utmo/ importunity1 to ask our ,"l to re/ore him to heal?4 ,h]e9 ,i saw cle>ly h[ graci\s our ,"l 0 to me1 s f> z ,i c\ld judge2 = imm$iately1 ! next day1 he 0 completely rid ( t pa94 #c4 ,i 0 once 9 ! deepe/ di/ress1 because ,i knew t a p]son to :om ,i 0 "u great obligations 0 ab\t to commit an act highly (f5sive to ,god & di%on\rable to himself4 ,he 0 det]m9$ ^u x4 ,i 0 s mu* h>ass$ by ?is t ,i did n "k :at to d 9 ord] to *ange 8 purpose2 & x seem$ to me z if no?+ c\ld be done4 ,i implor$ ,god1 f ! bottom ( my he>t1 to f9d a way to h9d] x2 b till ,i f\nd x ,i c\ld f9d no relief = ! pa9 ,i felt4 ,9 my di/ress1 ,i w5t to a v lonely h]mitage1--"o ( ^? belong+ to ?is mona/]y1--9 :i* !re is a picture ( ,*ri/ b\nd to ! pill>2 & !re1 z ,i 0 implor+ our ,"l to grant me ?is grace1 ,i he>d a voice ( exce$+ g5tl5ess1 speak+1 z x 71 9 a :isp]4 #b ,my :ole body trembl$1 = x made me afraid4 ,i wi%$ to und]/& :at 0 said1 b ,i c\ld n1 = x all pass$ away 9 a mom5t4 #d4 ,:5 my fe>s _h subsid$1 & t 0 imm$iately1 ,i became consci\s ( an inw>d calmness1 a joy & delight1 :i* made me m>vel h[ ! m]e he>+ a voice1--,i he>d x ) my bodily e>s1--)\t und]/&+ a ^w1 c\ld h su* an effect on ! s\l4 ,i saw by ?is t my pray] 0 grant$2 & s x 02 & ,i 0 fre$ f my anxieties ab\t a matt] n yet accompli%$1 z x aft]w>ds 01 z completely z if ,i saw x done4 ,i told my confessors ( x1 = ,i _h two at ?is "t1 bo? ( !m le>n$ m51 & great s]vants ( ,god4 #e4 ,i knew ( a p]son :o _h resolv$ to s]ve ,god 9 all e>ne/ness1 & _h = "s days giv5 himself to pray]1 9 :i* he bad receiv$ _m graces f our ,"l1 b :o _h ab&on$ 8 good resolutions because ( c]ta9 occasions ( s9 9 :i* he 0 involv$1 & :i* he w\ld n avoid2 !y 7 extremely p]il\s4 ,?is caus$ me ! utmo/ di/ress1 because ! p]son 0 "o = :om ,i _h a great affection1 & "o to :om ,i ow$ mu*4 ,= m ?an a mon? ,i believe ,i did no?+ else b pray to ,god = 8 conv]sion4 ,"o day1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 ,i saw a devil close by 9 a great rage1 te>+ to pieces "s pap] :i* he _h 9 8 h&s4 ,t sight consol$ me greatly1 because x seem$ t my pray] _h be5 he>d4 ,s x 01 z ,i le>nt aft]w>ds2 = t p]son _h made 8 confession ) great contrition1 & return$ to ,god s s9c]ely1 t ,i tru/ 9 ,8 ,maje/y he w always advance fur!r & fur!r4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #f4 ,9 answ] to my pray]s1 our ,"l has v (t5 rescu$ s\ls f mortal s9s & l$ o!rs on to great] p]fection4 ,b z to ! deliv]+ ( s\ls out ( purgatory1 & o!r rem>kable acts1 s _m are ! m]cies ( our ,"l h]e91 t 7 ,i to speak ( !m ,i %\ld only we>y myself & my read]4 ,b ,he has done m by me = ! salvation ( s\ls ?an = ! heal? ( ! body4 ,?is is v well kn[n1 & !re are _m to be> witness to x4 #g4 ,at fir/ x made me scrupul\s1 because ,i c\ld n help ?9k+ t our ,"l did ^! ?+s 9 answ] to my pray]2 ,i say no?+ ( ! *ief reason ( all--,8 pure compassion4 ,b n[ ^! graces are s _m1 & s well kn[n to o!rs1 t x gives me no pa9 to ?9k s4 ,i bless ,8 ,maje/y1 & abase myself1 because ,i am /ill m deeply 9 ,8 debt2 & ,i believe t ,he makes my desire to s]ve ,him gr[1 & my love revive4 #h4 ,b :at amazes me mo/ is ?is3 h[ev] mu* ,i may wi% to pray = ^? graces :i* our ,"l sees n to be exp$i5t1 ,i _c d x2 & if ,i try1 ,i d s ) little e>ne/ness1 =ce1 & _s3 x is impossible to d m1 ev5 if ,i w\ld4 ,b x is n s z to ^? :i* ,8 ,maje/y int5ds to grant4 ,^! ,i c pray = con/antly1 & ) great importunity2 ?\gh ,i d n c>ry !m 9 my memory1 !y seem to pres5t !mselves to me at once4 #c #i4 ,!re is a great diff]5ce betwe5 ^! two ways ( pray+1 & ,i "k n h[ to expla9 x4 ,z to ! fir/1 :5 ,i pray = ^? graces :i* our ,"l does n mean to grant1--ev5 ?\gh !y conc]n me v ne>ly1--,i am l "o ^: tongue is ti$2 :o1 ?\gh he w\ld speak1 yet _c2 or1 if he speaks1 sees t p d n li/5 to him4 ,& yet ,i d n fail to =ce myself to pray1 ?\gh n consci\s ( t f]v\r :i* ,i h :5 pray+ = ^? graces :i* our ,"l int5ds to give4 ,9 ! second case1 ,i am l "o :o speaks cle>ly & intelligibly to ano!r1 :om he sees to be a will+ li/5]4 #aj4 ,! pray] t is n to be he>d is1 s to speak1 l vocal pray]2 ! o!r is a pray] ( contemplation s high t our ,"l %[s ,himself 9 su* a way z to make u feel ,he he>s u1 & t ,he delights 9 our pray]1 & t ,he is ab\t to grant our petition4 ,bless$ be ,he = ev] :o gives me s mu* & to :om ,i give s little6 ,= :at is he wor?1 ,o my ,"l1 :o does n utt]ly abase himself to no?+ = ,!e8 ,h[ mu*1 h[ mu*1 h[ mu*1--,i might say s a ?\s& times1--,i fall %ort ( ?is6 ,x is on ?is acc\nt t ,i d n wi% to live1--?\gh !re be o!r reasons also1--because ,i d n live accord+ to ! obligations :i* b9d me to ,!e4 ,:at imp]fections ,i trace 9 myself6 :at remissness 9 ,?y s]vice6 ,c]ta9ly1 ,i c\ld wi% occasionally ,i _h no s5se1 t ,i might be unconsci\s ( ! great evil t is 9 me4 ,may ,he :o c d all ?+s help me6 #aa4 ,:5 ,i 0 /ay+ 9 ! h\se ( t lady ( :om ,i h spok5 be=e1 #d x 0 necess>y = me to be v wat*ful ov] myself1 & keep cont9ually 9 m9d ! intr9sic vanity ( all ! ?+s ( ?is life1 because ( ! great e/eem ,i 0 held 91 & ( ! praises be/[$ on me4 ,!re 0 mu* !re to :i* ,i might h become atta*$1 if ,i _h look$ only to myself2 b ,i look$ to ,him :o sees ?+s z !y really are1 n to let me g out ( ,8 h&4 ,n[ t ,i speak ( see+ ?+s z !y really are1 ,i rememb] h[ great a trial x is = ^? to :om ,god has grant$ a true insight into ! ?+s ( e>? to h to discuss !m ) o!rs4 ,!y we> s _m disguises1 z our ,"l once told me1--& mu* ( :at ,i am say+ ( !m is n f myself1 b r :at my ,heav5ly ,ma/] has taught me2 & !re=e1 9 speak+ ( !m1 :5 ,i say di/9ctly ,i und]/ood ?is1 or our ,"l told me ?is1 ,i am v scrupul\s nei!r to add nor to take away "o s+le syllable2 s1 :5 ,i d n cle>ly rememb] ev]y?+ exactly1 t mu/ be tak5 z com+ f myself1 & "s ?+s1 p]haps1 are s altoge!r4 ,i d n call m9e t :i* is good1 = ,i "k !re is no o!r good 9 me b only t :i* our ,"l gave me :5 ,i 0 s f> f des]v+ x3 ,i call t m9e :i* ,i speak )\t hav+ _h x made kn[n to me by revelation4 #ab4 ,b1 ,o my ,god1 h[ is x t we too (t5 judge ev5 spiritual ?+s1 z we d ^? ( ! _w1 by our own und]/&+1 wre/+ !m griev\sly f _! true mean+8 ,we ?9k we may measure our progress by ! ye>s :i* we h giv5 to ! ex]cise ( pray]2 we ev5 ?9k we c prescribe limits to ,him :o be/[s ,8 gifts n by measure #e :5 ,he wills1 & :o 9 six mon?s c give to "o m ?an to ano!r 9 _m ye>s4 ,?is is a fact :i* ,i h s frequ5tly obs]v$ 9 _m p]sons1 t ,i am surpris$ h[ any ( u c d5y x4 #ac4 ,i am c]ta9ly conv9c$ t he w n rema9 "u ?is delusion :o possesses ! gift ( disc]n+ spirits1 & to :om our ,"l has giv5 real humility2 = su* a "o w judge ( !m by ! fruits1 by ! good resolutions & love1--& our ,"l gives him light to und]/& ! matt]2 & h]e9 ,he reg>ds ! progress & advancem5t ( s\ls1 n ! ye>s !y may h sp5t 9 pray]2 = "o p]son may make great] progress 9 six mon?s ?an ano!r 9 tw5ty ye>s1 because1 z ,i said be=e1 our ,"l gives to :om ,he w1 p>ticul>ly to him :o is be/ dispos$4 #ad4 ,i see ?is 9 c]ta9 p]sons ( t5d] ye>s :o h come to ?is mona/]y1--,god t\*es _! he>ts1 & gives !m a little light & love4 ,i speak ( t brief int]val 9 :i* ,he gives !m sweetness 9 pray]1 & !n !y wait = no?+ fur!r1 & make light ( e difficulty1 =gett+ ! necessity ev5 ( food2 = !y %ut !mselves up = ev] 9 a h\se t is un5d[$1 z p]sons :o make no acc\nt ( _! life1 = ,8 sake1 :o1 !y "k1 loves !m4 ,!y give up ev]y?+1 ev5 _! own w2 & x nev] ent]s into _! m9d t !y might be discont5t$ 9 s small a h\se1 & :]e enclosure is s /rictly obs]v$4 ,!y (f] !mselves :olly 9 sacrifice to ,god4 #ae4 ,oh1 h[ will+ly d ,i admit t !y are bett] ?an ,i am6 & h[ ,i ought to be a%am$ ( myself be=e ,god6 ,:at ,8 ,maje/y has n be5 able to accompli% 9 me 9 s _m ye>s1--x is long ago s9ce ,i began to pray1 & ,he to be/[ ,8 graces ^u me1--,he accompli%$ 9 !m 9 ?ree mon?s1 & 9 "s ( !m ev5 9 ?ree days1 ?\gh he gives !m mu* few] graces ?an ,he gave to me3 & yet ,8 ,maje/y rew>ds !m well2 mo/ assur$ly !y are n sorry = :at !y h done = ,him4 #af4 ,i wi%1 !re=e1 we rem9d$ ourselves ( ^? long ye>s :i* h gone by s9ce we made our religi\s pr(ession4 ,i say ?is to ^? p]sons1 also1 :o h giv5 !mselves long ago to pray]1 b n = ! purpose ( di/ress+ ^? :o 9 a %ort "t h made great] progress ?an we h made1 by mak+ !m retrace _! /eps1 s t !y may proce$ only z we d ourselves4 ,we mu/ n desire ^? :o1 because ( ! graces ,god has giv5 !m1 are fly+ l eagles1 to become l *ick5s ^: feet are ti$4 ,let u r look to ,8 ,maje/y1 & give ^! s\ls ! re9s1 if we see t !y are humble2 = our ,"l1 :o has _h su* compassion ^u !m1 w n let !m fall into ! abyss4 #ag4 ,^! s\ls tru/ !mselves 9 ! h&s ( ,god1 = ! tru?1 :i* !y le>n by fai?1 helps !m to d x2 & %all n we also tru/ !m to ,him1 )\t seek+ to measure !m by our measure :i* is t ( our meanness ( _s8 ,we mu/ n d x2 = if we _c asc5d to ! heights ( _! great love & c\rage1--)\t exp]i5ce none c compreh5d !m--let u humble ourselves1 & n condemn !m2 =1 by ?is seem+ reg>d to _! progress1 we h9d] our own1 & miss ! opportunity our ,"l gives u to humble ourselves1 to asc]ta9 our own %ortcom+s1 & le>n h[ mu* m deta*$ & m ne> to ,god ^! s\ls mu/ be ?an we are1 see+ t ,8 ,maje/y draws s ne> to !m ,himself4 #ah4 ,i h no o!r int5tion "h1 & ,i wi% to h no o!r1 ?an to express my pref]5ce = ! pray] t 9 a %ort "t results 9 ^! great effects1 :i* %[ !mselves at once2 = x is impossible !y %\ld enable u to leave all ?+s only to please ,god1 if !y 7 n accompani$ ) a vehem5t love4 ,i w\ld r h t pray] ?an t :i* la/$ _m ye>s1 b :i* at ! end ( ! "t1 z well z at ! beg9n+1 nev] issu$ 9 a resolution to d any?+ = ,god1 ) ! exception ( "s trifl+ s]vices1 l a gra9 ( salt1 )\t weight or bulk1 & :i* a bird might c>ry away 9 its m\?4 ,is x n a s]i\s & mortify+ ?\ght t we are mak+ mu* ( c]ta9 s]vices :i* we r5d] our ,"l1 b :i* are too pitiable to be consid]$1 ev5 if !y 7 _m 9 numb]8 ,?is is my case1 & ,i am =gett+ e mom5t ! m]cies ( our ,"l4 ,i d n mean t ,8 ,maje/y w n make mu* ( !m ,himself1 = ,he is good2 b ,i wi% ,i made no acc\nt ( !m myself1 or ev5 p]ceiv$ t ,i did !m1 = !y are no?+ wor?4 #ai4 ,b1 ,o my ,"l1 d ,?\ =give me1 & blame me n1 if ,i try to console myself a little ) ! little ,i d1 see+ t ,i d n s]ve ,!e at all2 = if ,i r5d]$ ,!e any great s]vices1 ,i %\ld n ?9k ( ^! trifles4 ,bless$ are !y :o s]ve ,!e 9 great de$s2 if envy+ ^!1 & desir+ to d :at !y d1 7 ( any help to me1 ,i %\ld n be s f> beh9d !m z ,i am 9 pleas+ ,!e2 b ,i am no?+ wor?1 ,o my ,"l2 d ,?\ make me ( "s wor?1 ,?\ :o love/ me s mu*4 #bj4 ,dur+ "o ( ^? days1 :5 ?is mona/]y1 :i* seems to h co/ me "s lab\r1 0 fully f\nd$ by ! arrival ( ! ,brief f ,rome1 :i* emp[]$ u to live )\t an end[m5t2 #f & ,i 0 com=t+ myself at see+ ! :ole affair conclud$1 & ?9k+ ( all ! tr\ble ,i _h _h1 & giv+ ?anks to our ,"l = hav+ be5 pleas$ to make "s use ( me1--x happ5$ t ,i began to consid] all t we _h gone ?r\gh4 ,well1 s x 02 9 e "o ( my actions1 :i* ,i ?\ght 7 ( "s s]vice1 ,i trac$ s _m faults & imp]fections1 n[ & !n b little c\rage1 v frequ5tly a want ( fai?2 = until ?is mom5t1 :5 ,i see ev]y?+ accompli%$1 ,i nev] absolutely believ$2 nei!r1 h[ev]1 on ! o!r h&1 c\ld ,i d\bt :at our ,"l said to me ab\t ! f\ndation ( ?is h\se4 ,i _c tell h[ x 02 v (t5 ! matt] seem$ to me1 on ! "o h&1 impossible2 &1 on ! o!r h&1 ,i c\ld n be 9 d\bt2 ,i mean1 ,i c\ld n believe t x w\ld n be accompli%$4 ,9 %ort1 ,i f9d t our ,"l ,himself1 on ,8 "p1 did all ! good t 0 done1 :ile ,i did all ! evil4 ,i !re=e ceas$ to ?9k ( ! matt]1 & wi%$ nev] to be rem9d$ ( x aga91 le/ ,i %\ld d myself "s h>m by dwell+ on my _m faults4 ,bless$ be ,he :o1 :5 ,he pleases1 draws good out ( all my fail+s6 ,am54 #ba4 ,i say1 !n1 !re is dang] 9 c\nt+ ! ye>s we h giv5 to pray]2 =1 grant+ t !re is no?+ 9 x aga9/ humility1 x seems to me to imply some?+ l an appe>ance ( ?9k+ t we h m]it$1 9 "s degree1 by ! s]vice r5d]$4 ,i d n mean t !re is no m]it 9 x at all1 nor t x w n be well rew>d$2 yet if any spiritual p]son ?9ks1 because he has giv5 himself to pray] = _m ye>s1 t he des]ves any spiritual consolations1 ,i am sure he w nev] atta9 to spiritual p]fection4 ,is x n en\gh t a man has m]it$ ! protection ( ,god1 :i* keeps him f committ+ ^? s9s into :i* he fell be=e he began to pray1 b he mu/ also1 z !y say1 sue ,god = ,8 own money8 #bb4 ,?is does n seem to me to be deep humility1 & yet x may be t x is2 h[ev]1 ,i look on x z great boldness1 = ,i1 :o h v little humility1 h nev] v5tur$ ^u x4 ,x may be t ,i nev] ask$ = x1 because ,i _h nev] s]v$ ,him2 p]haps1 if ,i _h s]v$ ,him1 ,i %\ld h be5 m importunate ?an all o!rs ) our ,"l = my rew>d4 #bc4 ,i d n mean t ! s\l makes no progress 9 "t1 or t ,god w n rew>d x1 if its pray] has be5 humble2 b ,i d mean t we %\ld =get ! numb] ( ye>s we h be5 pray+1 because all t we c d is utt]ly wor?less 9 comp>ison ) "o drop ( blood out ( ^? :i* our ,"l %$ = u4 ,& if ! m we s]ve ,him1 ! m we become ,8 debtors1 :at is x1 !n1 we are ask+ =8 =1 if we pay "o f>?+ ( ! debt1 ,he gives u back a ?\s& ducats4 ,= ! love ( ,god1 let u leave ^! que/ions alone1 = !y belong to ,him4 ,comp>isons are always bad1 ev5 9 e>?ly ?+s2 :at1 !n1 mu/ !y be 9 t1 ! k ( :i* ,god has res]v$ to ,himself8 ,8 ,maje/y %[$ ?is cle>ly en\gh1 :5 ^? :o came late & ^? :o came e>ly to ,8 v9ey>d receiv$ ! same wages4 #g #bd4 ,i h sat d[n s (t5 to write1 & h be5 s _m days writ+ ^! ?ree leaves1--=1 z ,i h said1 #h ,i _h1 & h /ill1 b few opportunities1--t ,i =got :at ,i _h begun )1 namely1 ! foll[+ vision4 #i #be4 ,i 0 9 pray]1 & saw myself on a wide pla9 all alone4 ,r\nd ab\t me /ood a great multitude ( all k9ds ( p1 :o hemm$ me 9 on e side2 all ( !m seem$ to h weapons ( w> 9 _! h&s1 to hurt me2 "s _h spe>s1 o!rs swords2 "s _h dagg]s1 & o!rs v long rapi]s4 ,9 %ort1 ,i c\ld n move away 9 any direction )\t expos+ myself to ! haz>d ( dea?1 & ,i 0 alone1 )\t any "o to take my "p4 ,9 ?is my di/ress ( m9d1 n kn[+ :at to d1 ,i lift$ up my eyes to heav51 & saw ,*ri/1 n 9 heav51 b high above me 9 ! air1 hold+ out ,8 h& to me1 & !re protect+ me 9 su* a way t ,i 0 no long] afraid ( all t multitude1 nei!r c\ld !y1 ?\gh !y wi%$ x1 d me any h>m4 #bf4 ,at fir/ ! vision seem$ to h no results2 b x has be5 ( ! greate/ help to me1 s9ce ,i und]/ood :at x meant4 ,n long aft]w>ds1 ,i saw myself1 z x 71 expos$ to ! l assault1 & ,i saw t ! vision repres5t$ ! _w1 because ev]y?+ 9 x takes up arms aga9/ ! poor s\l4 ,we ne$ n speak ( ^? :o are n great s]vants ( our ,"l1 nor ( hon\rs1 possessions1 & pleasures1 ) o!r ?+s ( ! same nature2 = x is cle> t ! s\l1 if x be n wat*ful1 w f9d itself caught 9 a net1--at lea/1 all ^! ?+s lab\r to ensn>e x2 m ?an ?is1 s also d fri5ds & relatives1 &--:at fright5s me mo/--ev5 good p4 ,i f\nd myself aft]w>ds s beset on all sides1 good p ?9k+ !y 7 do+ good1 & ,i kn[+ n h[ to def5d myself1 nor :at to d4 #bg4 ,o my ,god1 if ,i 7 to say 9 :at way1 & 9 h[ _m ways1 ,i 0 tri$ at t "t1 ev5 aft] t trial ( :i* ,i h j spok51 :at a w>n+ ,i %\ld be giv+ to m5 to hate ! :ole _w utt]ly6 ,x 0 ! greate/ ( all ! p]secutions ,i _h to und]go4 ,i saw myself occasionally s hemm$ 9 on e side1 t ,i c\ld d no?+ else b lift up my eyes to heav51 & cry unto ,god4 #aj ,i recollect$ well :at ,i _h se5 9 ! vision1 & x help$ me greatly n to tru/ mu* 9 any "o1 = !re is no "o t c be reli$ on except ,god4 ,9 all my great trials1 our ,"l--,he %[$ x to me--s5t always "s "o on ,8 "p to hold out 8 h& to help me1 z x 0 %[n to me 9 ! vision1 s t ,i might atta* myself to no?+1 b only please our ,"l2 & ?is has be5 en\gh to su/a9 ! little virtue ,i h 9 desir+ to s]ve ,!e3 be ,?\ bless$ = ev]more6 #bh4 ,on "o occasion ,i 0 exce$+ly disquiet$ & tr\bl$1 unable to recollect myself1 fight+ & /ruggl+ ) my ?\ghts1 runn+ ^u matt]s :i* did n relate to p]fection2 &1 moreov]1 ,i did n ?9k ,i 0 s deta*$ f all ?+s z ,i us$ to be4 ,:5 ,i f\nd myself 9 ?is wret*$ /ate1 ,i 0 afraid t ! graces ,i _h receiv$ f our ,"l 7 illusions1 & ! end 0 t a great d>kness cov]$ my s\l4 ,9 ?is my di/ress our ,"l began to speak to me3 ,he bade me n to h>ass myself1 b le>n1 f ! consid]ation ( my mis]y1 :at x w\ld be if ,he )drew ,himself f me1 & t we 7 nev] safe :ile liv+ 9 ! fle%4 ,x 0 giv5 me to und]/& h[ ?is fight+ & /ruggl+ are pr(itable to u1 because ( ! rew>d1 & x seem$ to me z if our ,"l 7 sorry = u :o live 9 ! _w4 ,moreov]1 ,he bade me n to suppose t ,he _h =gott5 me2 ,he w\ld nev] ab&on me1 b x 0 necess>y ,i %\ld d all t ,i c\ld myself4 #bi4 ,our ,"l said all ?is ) great t5d]ness & sweetness2 ,he also spoke o!r mo/ graci\s words1 :i* ,i ne$ n repeat4 ,8 ,maje/y1 fur!r %[+ ,8 great love = me1 said to me v (t53 ,?\ art ,m9e1 & ,i am ?9e4 ,i am 9 ! habit ( say+ myself1 & ,i believe 9 all s9c]ity3 ,:at d ,i c>e = myself8--,i c>e only = ,!e1 ,o my ,"l4 #cj4 ,^! words ( our ,"l1 & ! consolation ,he gives me1 fill me ) ! utmo/ %ame1 :5 ,i rememb] :at ,i am4 ,i h said x be=e1 ,i ?9k1 #aa & ,i /ill say n[ & !n to my confessor1 t x requires great] c\rage to receive ^! graces ?an to endure ! heavie/ trials4 ,:5 !y come1 ,i =get1 z x 71 all ,i h done1 & !re is no?+ be=e me b a picture ( my wret*$ness1 & my und]/&+ c make no reflections2 ?is1 also1 seems to me at times to be sup]natural4 #ca4 ,sometimes ,i h su* a vehem5t long+ = ,communion2 ,i d n ?9k x c be express$4 ,"o morn+ x happ5$ to ra9 s mu* z to make x seem impossible to leave ! h\se4 ,:5 ,i _h gone out1 ,i 0 s beside myself ) t long+1 t if spe>s _h be5 po9t$ at my he>t1 ,i %\ld h ru%$ ^u !m2 ! ra9 0 no?+4 ,:5 ,i ent]$ ! *ur* ,i fell into a deep trance1 & saw heav5 op5--n a door only1 z ,i us$ to see at o!r times4 ,i beheld ! ?rone :i*1 z ,i h told y1 my fa!r1 ,i saw at o!r times1 ) ano!r ?rone above x1 :]eon1 ?\gh ,i saw n1 ,i und]/ood by a c]ta9 inexplicable k t ! ,godhead dwelt4 #cb4 ,! ?rone seem$ to me to be support$ by c]ta9 animals2 ,i believe ,i saw ! =m ( !m3 ,i ?\ght !y might be ! ,evangeli/s4 ,b h[ ! ?rone 0 array$1 & ,him :o sat on x ,i did n see1 b only an exce$+ly great multitude ( angels1 :o seem$ to me m beautiful1 beyond all comp>ison1 ?an ^? ,i _h se5 9 heav54 ,i ?\ght !y 71 p]haps1 ! s]aphim or *]ubim1 = !y 7 v diff]5t 9 _! glory1 & seem+ly all on fire4 ,! diff]5ce is great1 z ,i said be=e2 #ab & ! joy ,i !n felt _c be describ$1 ei!r 9 writ+ or by ^w ( m\?2 x is inconceivable to any "o :at has n _h exp]i5ce ( x4 ,i felt t ev]y?+ man c desire 0 all !re toge!r1 & ,i saw no?+2 !y told me1 b ,i "k n :o1 t all ,i c\ld d !re 0 to und]/& t ,i c\ld und]/& no?+1 & see h[ ev]y?+ 0 no?+ 9 comp>ison ) t4 ,s x 02 my s\l aft]w>ds 0 vex$ to see t x c\ld re/ on any creat$ ?+3 h[ mu* m1 !n1 if x _h any affection !reto2 = ev]y?+ seem$ to me b an ant-hill4 ,i communicat$1 & rema9$ dur+ ,mass4 ,i "k n h[ x 03 ,i ?\ght ,i _h be5 b a few m9utes1 & 0 amaz$ :5 ! clock /ruck2 ,i _h be5 two h\rs 9 t trance & joy4 #cc4 ,i 0 aft]w>ds amaz$ at ?is fire1 :i* seems to spr+ =? out ( ! true love ( ,god2 = ?\gh ,i might long = x1 lab\r = x1 & annihilate myself 9 ! ef=t to obta9 x1 ,i c d no?+ t[>ds procur+ a s+le sp>k ( x myself1 because x all comes ( ! good pleasure ( ,8 ,maje/y1 z ,i said on ano!r occasion4 #ac ,x seems to burn up ! old man1 ) 8 faults1 8 lukew>mness1 & mis]y2 s t x is l ! pho5ix1 ( :i* ,i h read t x comes =?1 aft] be+ burnt1 out ( its own a%es into a new life4 ,?us x is ) ! s\l3 x is *ang$ into ano!r1 ^: desires are diff]5t1 & ^: /r5g? is great4 ,x seems to be no long] :at x 0 be=e1 & beg9s to walk r5ew$ 9 purity 9 ! ways ( our ,"l4 ,:5 ,i 0 pray+ to ,him t ?us x might be ) me1 & t ,i might beg9 ,8 s]vice anew1 ,he said to me3 ,! comp>ison ?\ ha/ made is good2 take c>e nev] to =get x1 t ?\ maye/ always lab\r to advance4 #cd4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 d\bt+1 z ,i said j n[1 #ad :e!r ^! visions came f ,god or n1 our ,"l appe>$1 &1 ) "s sev]ity1 said to me3 ,o *ildr5 ( m51 h[ long w y rema9 h>d ( he>t6 ,i 0 to exam9e myself c>efully on "o subject1--:e!r ,i _h giv5 myself up :olly to ,him1 or n4 ,if ,i _h1--& x 0 s1--,i 0 to believe t ,he w\ld n suff] me to p]i%4 ,i 0 v mu* afflict$ :5 ,he spoke ?us1 b ,he turn$ to me ) great t5d]ness & sweetness1 & bade me n to di/ress myself1 = ,he knew already t1 s f> z x lay 9 my p[]1 ,i w\ld n fail 9 any?+ t 0 = ,8 s]vice2 t ,he ,himself w\ld d :at ,i wi%$1--& s ,he did grant :at ,i 0 !n pray+ =2 t ,i 0 to consid] my love = ,him1 :i* 0 daily gr[+ 9 me1 = ,i %\ld see by ?is t ^! visions did n come f ,satan2 t ,i mu/ n imag9e t ,god w\ld ev] all[ ! devil to h s mu* p[] ov] ! s\ls ( ,8 s]vants z to give !m su* cle>ness ( und]/&+ & su* peace z ,i _h4 #ce4 ,he gave me also to und]/& t1 :5 su* & s _m p]sons _h told me ! visions 7 f ,god1 ,i %\ld d wrong if ,i did n believe !m4 #ae #cf4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 recit+ ! psalm ,quicumque vult1 #af ,i 0 giv5 to und]/& ! my/]y ( ,"o ,god & ,?ree ,p]sons ) s mu* cle>ness1 t ,i 0 greatly a/oni%$ & consol$ at ! same "t4 ,?is 0 ( ! greate/ help to me1 = x enabl$ me to "k m ( ! greatness & m>vels ( ,god2 & :5 ,i ?9k ( ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity1 or he> ,x spok5 (1 ,i seem to und]/& ! my/]y1 & a great joy x is4 #cg4 ,"o day--x 0 ! ,fea/ ( ! ,assumption ( ! ,que5 ( ! ,angels1 & our ,lady--our ,"l 0 pleas$ to grant me ?is grace4 ,9 a trance ,he made me behold h] go+ up to heav51 ! joy & solemnity ( h] reception !re1 z well z ! place :]e %e n[ is4 ,to describe x is m ?an ,i c d2 ! joy t fill$ my s\l at ! sight ( su* great glory 0 excessive4 ,! effects ( ! vision 7 great2 x made me long to endure /ill great] trials3 & ,i _h a vehem5t desire to s]ve our ,lady1 because ( h] great m]its4 #ch4 ,once1 9 "o ( ! colleges ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 :5 ! bro!rs ( ! h\se 7 communicat+1 ,i saw an exce$+ly ri* canopy above _! heads4 ,i saw ?is twice2 b ,i nev] saw x :5 o!rs 7 receiv+ ,communion4 #a4 ,*4 xxxiii4 #aj4 ,f4 ,gasp> de ,salaz>4 #b4 #c ,k+s xix4 #ab3 ,sibilus aur t5uis4 #c4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,asc5t ( ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 iii4 *4 i1 p4 #baj74 #d4 ,*4 xxxiv4 #a4 #e4 ,/4 ,john iii4 #cd3 ,non enim ad m5suram dat ,deus spiritum4 #f4 ,see *4 xxxiii4 #ae4 #g4 ,/4 ,matt4 xx4 #i-ad3 ,volo autem et huic novissimo d>e sicut et tibi4 #h4 ,*4 xiv4 #ab4 #i4 ,! ,sa9t _h ?is vision :5 %e 0 9 ! h\se ( ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da 9 ,tol$o1 & x 0 fulfill$ 9 ! opposition %e met ) 9 ! f\ndation ( ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila4 ,see *4 xxxvi4 #ah4 #aj4 #b ,p>alip4 xx4 #ab3 ,hoc solum habemus residui1 ut oculos no/ros dirigamus ad ,te4 #aa4 ,*4 xx4 #d4 #ab4 ,*4 xxix4 #af4 #ac4 ,*4 xxix4 #ac4 #ad4 #bh4 #ae4 ,see *4 xxviii4 #ai1 #bj4 #af4 ,commonly call$ ! ,cre$ ( ,/4 ,a?anasius4 ,*apt] ,,xl4 ,visions1 ,revelations1 & ,locutions4 #a4 ,"o day1 9 pray]1 ! sweetness ( :i* 0 s great t1 kn[+ h[ unwor?y ,i 0 ( s great a bless+1 ,i began to ?9k h[ mu* ,i _h des]v$ to be 9 t place :i* ,i _h se5 prep>$ = me 9 hell1--=1 z ,i said be=e1 #a ,i nev] =get ! way ,i saw myself !re1--z ,i 0 ?9k+ ( ?is1 my s\l began to be m & m on fire1 & ,i 0 c>ri$ away 9 _s 9 a way ,i _c describe4 ,x seem$ to me z if ,i _h be5 absorb$ 91 & fill$ )1 t gr&eur ( ,god :i*1 on ano!r occasion1 ,i _h felt4 #b ,9 t maje/y x 0 giv5 me to und]/& "o tru?1 :i* is ! fulness ( all tru?1 b ,i _c tell h[1 = ,i saw no?+4 ,x 0 said to me1 ,i saw n by :om1 b ,i knew well en\gh x 0 ! ,tru? ,itself3 ,?is ,i am do+ to !e is n a slight matt]2 x is "o ( ^? ?+s = :i* ?\ owe/ ,me mu*2 = all ! evil 9 ! _w comes f ignorance ( ! tru?s ( ! holy writ+s 9 _! cle> simplicity1 ( :i* n "o iota %all pass away4 #c ,i ?\ght t ,i _h always believ$ ?is1 & t all ! fai?ful also believ$ x4 ,!n he said13 ,ah1 ,my daught]1 !y are few :o love ,me 9 tru?2 = if m5 lov$ ,me1 ,i %\ld n hide ,my secrets f !m4 ,kn[e/ ?\ :at x is to love ,me 9 tru?8 ,x is to admit ev]y?+ to be a lie :i* is n pleas+ unto ,me4 ,n[ ?\ do/ n und]/& x1 b ?\ %alt und]/& x cle>ly h]eaft]1 9 ! pr(it x w be to ?y s\l4 #b4 ,our ,"l be prais$1 s ,i f\nd x2 = aft] ?is vision ,i look ^u ev]y?+ :i* does n t5d to ! s]vice ( ,god z vanity & lies4 ,i _c tell h[ mu* ,i am conv9c$ ( ?is1 nor h[ sorry ,i am = ^? :om ,i see liv+ 9 d>kness1 n kn[+ ! tru?4 ,i d]iv$ o!r great bless+s also f ?is1 "s ( :i* ,i w "h speak (1 o!rs ,i _c describe4 #c4 ,our ,"l at ! same "t utt]$ a special ^w ( mo/ exce$+ graci\sness4 ,i "k n h[ x 0 done1 = ,i saw no?+2 b ,i 0 fill$1 9 a way :i* also ,i _c describe1 ) exce$+ /r5g? & e>ne/ness ( purpose to obs]ve ) all my might ev]y?+ conta9$ 9 ! div9e writ+s4 ,i ?\ght t ,i c\ld rise above e possible h9drance put 9 my way4 #d4 ,( ?is div9e tru?1 :i* 0 put be=e me ,i "k n h[1 !re rema9s impr9t$ )9 me a tru?--,i _c give x a "n--:i* fills me ) a new rev]5ce = ,god2 x gives me a notion ( ,8 ,maje/y & p[] 9 a way :i* ,i _c expla94 ,i c und]/& t x is some?+ v high4 ,i _h a v great desire nev] to speak ( any?+ b ( ^? deep tru?s :i* f> surpass all t is spok5 ( "h 9 ! _w1--& s ! liv+ 9 x began to be pa9ful to me4 #e4 ,! vision left me 9 great t5d]ness1 joy1 & humility4 ,x seem$ to me1 ?\gh ,i knew n h[1 t our ,"l n[ gave me great ?+s2 & ,i _h no suspicion :atev] ( any illusion4 ,i saw no?+2 b ,i und]/ood h[ great a bless+ x is to make no acc\nt ( any?+ :i* does n lead u ne>] unto ,god4 ,i also und]/ood :at x is = a s\l to be walk+ 9 ! tru?1 9 ! pres5ce ( ! ,tru? itself4 ,:at ,i und]/ood is ?is3 t our ,"l gave me to und]/& t ,he is ,himself ! v ,tru?4 #f4 ,all ?is ,i am speak+ ( ,i le>nt at times by means ( words utt]$2 at o!r times ,i le>nt "s ?+s )\t ! help ( words1 & t m cle>ly ?an ^? o!r ?+s :i* 7 told me 9 words4 ,i und]/ood exce$+ly deep tru?s conc]n+ ! ,tru?1 m ?an ,i c\ld h done ?r\gh ! tea*+ ( _m le>n$ m54 ,x seems to me t le>n$ m5 nev] c\ld h ?us impress$ ^u me1 nor s cle>ly expla9$ to me1 ! vanity ( ?is _w4 #g4 ,! ,tru? ( :i* ,i am speak+1 & :i* ,i 0 giv5 to see1 is ,tru? ,itself1 9 ,itself4 ,x has nei!r beg9n+ nor end4 ,all o!r tru?s dep5d on ?is ,tru?1 z all o!r loves dep5d on ?is love1 & all o!r gr&eurs on ?is gr&eur4 ,i und]/ood x all1 not)/&+ t my words are obscure 9 comp>ison ) t di/9ctness ) :i* x pleas$ our ,"l to %[ x to me4 ,:at ?9k y mu/ be ! p[] ( ,8 ,maje/y1 see+ t 9 s %ort a "t x leaves s great a bless+ & su* an impression on ! s\l8 ,o ,gr&eur6 ,maje/y ( m9e6 :at is x ,?\ art do+1 ,o my ,"l ,almighty6 ,consid] :o x is to :om ,?\ give/ bless+s s great6 ,do/ ,?\ n rememb] t ?is my s\l has be5 an abyss ( lies & a sea ( vanities1 & all my fault8 ,?\gh ,?\ had/ giv5 me a natural hatr$ ( ly+ yet ,i did involve myself 9 _m ly+ ways4 ,h[ is ?is1 ,o my ,god8 h[ c x be t m]cies & graces s great %\ld fall to ! lot ( "o :o has s ill des]v$ !m at ,?y h&s8 #h4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 ) ! :ole community recit+ ! ,(fice1 my s\l became sudd5ly recollect$1 & seem$ to me all bright z a mirror1 cle> beh9d1 sideways1 upw>ds1 & d[nw>ds2 & 9 ! c5tre ( x ,i saw ,*ri/ our ,"l1 z ,i usually see ,him4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i saw ,him di/9ctly 9 e "p ( my s\l1 z 9 a mirror1 & at ! same "t ! mirror 0 all sculptur$--,i _c expla9 x--9 our ,"l ,himself by a mo/ lov+ communication :i* ,i c nev] describe4 ,i "k t ?is vision 0 a great bless+ to me1 & is /ill :5ev] ,i rememb] x1 p>ticul>ly aft] ,communion4 #i4 ,i und]/ood by x1 t1 :5 a s\l is 9 mortal s91 ?is mirror becomes cl\d$ ) a ?ick vap\r1 & utt]ly obscur$1 s t our ,"l is nei!r visible nor pres5t1 ?\gh ,he is always pres5t 9 ! cons]vation ( its be+4 ,9 h]etics1 ! mirror is1 z x 71 brok5 9 pieces1 & t is worse ?an be+ dimm$4 ,!re is a v great diff]5ce betwe5 see+ ?is & describ+ x1 = x c h>dly be expla9$4 ,b x has done me great good2 x has also made me v sorry on acc\nt ( ^? times :5 ,i dimm$ ! lu/re ( my s\l by my s9s1 s t ,i c\ld n see our ,"l4 #aj4 ,?is vision seems to me v pr(itable to recollect$ p]sons1 to tea* !m to look ^u our ,"l z be+ 9 ! inn]mo/ "p ( _! s\l4 ,x is a me?od ( look+ ^u ,him :i* p5etrates u m ?or\ghly1 & is mu* m fruitful1 ?an t ( look+ ^u ,him z ext]nal to u1 z ,i h said else:]e1 #d & z x is laid d[n 9 books on pray]1 :]e !y speak ( :]e we are to seek ,god4 ,! glori\s ,/4 ,augu/91 #e 9 p>ticul>1 says s1 :5 he says t nei!r 9 ! /reets ( ! city1 nor 9 pleasures1 nor 9 any place :atev] :]e he s\ght ,him1 did he f9d ,him z he f\nd ,him )9 himself4 ,?is is cle>ly ! be/ way2 we ne$ n g up to heav51 nor any fur!r ?an our own selves1 = t w\ld only di/ress ! _s & di/ract ! s\l1 & br+ b little fruit4 #aa4 ,i %\ld l to po9t out "o result ( a deep trance2 x may be t "s are aw>e ( x4 ,:5 ! "t is ov] dur+ :i* ! s\l 0 9 union1 :]e9 all its p[]s 7 :olly absorb$1--x la/s1 z ,i h said1 #f b a mom5t1--! s\l cont9ues /ill to be recollect$1 unable to recov] itself ev5 9 outw>d ?+s2 = ! two p[]s--! memory & ! und]/&+--are1 z x 71 9 a fr5zy1 extremely disord]$4 ,?is1 ,i say1 happ5s occasionally1 p>ticul>ly 9 ! beg9n+s4 ,i am ?9k+ :e!r x does n result f ?is3 t our natural weakness _c endure ! vehem5ce ( ! _s1 :i* is s great1 & t ! imag9ation is enfeebl$4 ,i "k x to be s ) "s4 ,i ?9k x be/ = ^! to =ce !mselves to give up pray] at t "t1 & resume x aft]w>ds1 :5 !y may recov] :at !y h lo/1 & n d ev]y?+ at once1 = 9 t case mu* h>m might come ( x4 ,i "k ?is by exp]i5ce1 z well z ! necessity ( consid]+ :at our heal? c be>4 #ab4 ,exp]i5ce is necess>y ?r\gh\t1 s also is a spiritual director2 = :5 ! s\l has rea*$ ?is po9t1 !re are _m matt]s :i* mu/ be ref]r$ to ! director4 ,if1 aft] seek+ su* a "o1 ! s\l _c f9d him1 our ,"l w n fail t s\l1 see+ t ,he has n fail$ me1 :o am :at ,i am3 ,!y are n _m1 ,i believe1 :o "k by exp]i5ce s _m ?+s1 & )\t exp]i5ce x is useless to treat a s\l at all1 = no?+ w come ( x1 save only tr\ble & di/ress4 ,b our ,"l w take ?is also into acc\nt1 & = t reason x is always be/ to ref] ! matt] to ! director4 ,i h already m ?an once said ?is1 #g & ev5 all ,i am say+ n[1 only ,i d n di/9ctly rememb] x2 b ,i d see t x is ( great importance1 p>ticul>ly to wom51 t !y %\ld g to _! confessor1 & t he %\ld be a man ( exp]i5ce h]e94 ,!re are _m m wom5 ?an m5 to :om our ,"l gives ^! graces2 ,i h he>d ! holy fri> ,pet] ( ,alcant>a say s1 &1 inde$1 ,i "k x myself4 ,he us$ to say t wom5 made great] progress 9 ?is way ?an m5 did2 & he gave excell5t reasons = 8 op9ion1 all 9 fav\r ( wom52 b !re is no necessity = repeat+ !m "h4 #ac4 ,once1 :5 9 pray]1 ,i _h a vision1 = a mom5t1--,i saw no?+ di/9ctly1 b ! vision 0 mo/ cle>1--h[ all ?+s are se5 9 ,god & h[ all ?+s are compreh5d$ 9 ,him4 ,i _c 9 any way expla9 x1 b ! vision rema9s mo/ deeply impress$ on my s\l1 & is "o ( ^? gr& graces :i* our ,"l wr\ght 9 me1 & "o ( ^? :i* put me to ! greate/ %ame & confusion :5ev] ,i call my s9s to remembrance4 ,i believe1 if x _h pleas$ our ,"l t ,i _h se5 ?is at an e>li] "t1 or if !y saw x :o s9 aga9/ ,him1 we %\ld h nei!r ! he>t nor ! d>+ to d s4 ,i _h ! vision1 ,i repeat x1 b ,i _c say t ,i saw any?+2 h[ev]1 ,i mu/ h se5 some?+1 see+ t ,i expla9 x by an illu/ration1 only x mu/ h be5 9 a way s subtile & delicate t ! und]/&+ is unable to rea* x1 or ,i am s ignorant 9 all t relates to ^! visions1 :i* seem to be n imag9>y4 ,9 "s ( ^! visions !re mu/ be some?+ imag9>y1 only1 z ! p[]s ( ! s\l are !n 9 a trance1 !y are n able aft]w>ds to reta9 ! =ms1 z our ,"l %[$ !m to x !n1 & z ,he w\ld h x rejoice 9 !m4 #ad4 ,let u suppose ! ,godhead to be a mo/ brilliant diamond1 mu* l>g] ?an ! :ole _w1 or a mirror l t to :i* ,i comp>$ ! s\l 9 a =m] vision1 #h only 9 a way s high t ,i _c possibly describe x2 & t all our actions are se5 9 t diamond1 :i* is ( su* dim5sions z to include ev]y?+1 because no?+ c be beyond x4 ,x 0 a fe>ful ?+ = me to see1 9 s %ort a "t1 s _m ?+s toge!r 9 t brilliant diamond1 & a mo/ pite\s ?+ too1 :5ev] ,i ?9k ( x1 to see su* f\l ?+s z my s9s pres5t 9 ! pure brilliancy ( t light4 #ae4 ,s x is1 :5ev] ,i rememb] x1 ,i d n "k h[ to be> x1 & ,i 0 !n s a%am$ ( myself t ,i knew n :]e to hide myself4 ,oh1 t "s "o c\ld make ?is pla9 to ^? :o commit mo/ f\l & fil?y s9s1 t !y may rememb] _! s9s are n secret1 & t ,god mo/ ju/ly res5ts !m1 see+ t !y are wr\ght 9 ! v pres5ce ( ,8 ,maje/y1 & t we are demean+ ourselves s irrev]5tly be=e ,him6 ,i saw1 too1 h[ completely hell is des]v$ = only "o mortal s91 & h[ impossible x is to und]/& ! exce$+ great wick$ness ( committ+ x 9 ! sight ( maje/y s great1 & h[ abhorr5t to ,8 nature su* actions are4 ,9 ?is we see m & m ( ,8 m]cifulness1 :o1 ?\gh we all "k ,8 hatr$ ( s91 yet suff]s u to live4 #af4 ,! vision made me also reflect1 t if "o su* vision z ?is fills ! s\ls ) su* awe1 :at w x be 9 ! day ( judgm5t1 :5 ,8 ,maje/y w appe> di/9ctly1 & :5 we too %all look on ! s9s we h committ$6 ,o my ,god1 ,i h be51 oh1 h[ bl9d6 ,i h (t5 be5 amaz$ at :at ,i h writt52 & y1 my fa!r1 be y n amaz$ at any?+1 b t ,i am /ill liv+1--,i1 :o see su* ?+s1 & "k myself to be :at ,i am4 ,bless$ = ev] be ,he :o has borne ) me s long6 #ag4 ,once1 9 pray]1 ) mu* recollection1 sweetness1 & repose1 ,i saw myself1 z x seem$ to me1 surr\nd$ by angels1 & 0 close unto ,god4 ,i began to int]c$e ) ,8 ,maje/y on behalf ( ! *ur*4 ,i 0 giv5 to und]/& ! great s]vices :i* a p>ticul> ,ord] w\ld r5d] 9 ! latt] days1 & ! c\rage ) :i* its memb]s w\ld ma9ta9 ! fai?4 #ah4 ,i 0 pray+ be=e ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t "o day2 ,i _h a vision ( a ,sa9t1 ^: ,ord] 0 9 "s degree fall54 ,9 8 h&s he held a l>ge book1 :i* he op5$1 & !n told me to read c]ta9 words1 writt5 9 l>ge & v legible lett]s2 !y 7 to ?is effect3 ,9 times to come ?is ,ord] w fl\ri%2 x w h _m m>tyrs4 #i #ai4 ,on ano!r occasion1 :5 ,i 0 at ,mat9s 9 *oir1 six or sev5 p]sons1 :o seem$ to me to be ( ?is ,ord]1 appe>$ & /ood be=e me ) swords 9 _! h&s4 ,! mean+ ( t1 z ,i ?9k1 is t !y are to be def5d]s ( ! fai?2 = at ano!r "t1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 ,i fell into a trance1 & /ood 9 _s on a wide pla91 :]e _m p]sons 7 fight+2 & ! memb]s ( ?is ,ord] 7 fight+ ) great zeal4 ,_! faces 7 beautiful1 & z x 7 on fire4 ,_m !y laid l[ on ! gr\nd defeat$1 o!rs !y kill$4 ,x seem$ to me to be a battle ) h]etics4 #bj4 ,i h se5 ?is glori\s ,sa9t occasionally1 & he has told me c]ta9 ?+s1 & ?ank$ me = pray+ = 8 ,ord]1 & he has promis$ to pray = me to our ,"l4 ,i d n say :i* ,ord]s ^! are1--our ,"l1 if x s pleas$ ,him1 c\ld make !m kn[n1--le/ ! o!rs %\ld be aggriev$4 ,let e ,ord]1 or e memb] ( !m by himself1 lab\r1 t by 8 means our ,"l w\ld s bless 8 own ,ord] t x may s]ve ,him 9 ! pres5t grave necessities ( ,8 ,*ur*4 ,bless$ are !y ^: lives are s sp5t4 #ba4 ,i 0 once ask$ by a p]son to pray ,god to let him "k :e!r 8 acceptance ( a bi%opric w\ld be = ! s]vice ( ,god4 ,aft] ,communion our ,"l said to me3 ,:5 he %all h cle>ly & really und]/ood t true dom9ion consi/s 9 possess+ no?+1 he may !n accept x4 ,i und]/ood by ?is t he :o is to be 9 dignity mu/ be v f> f wi%+ or desir+ x1 or at lea/ he mu/ n seek x4 #bb4 ,^! & _m o!r graces our ,"l has giv51 & is giv+ cont9ually1 to me a s9n]4 ,i d n ?9k x is necess>y to speak ( !m1 because ! /ate ( my s\l c be asc]ta9$ f :at ,i h writt52 s also c ! _s :i* our ,"l has giv5 me4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]1 :o has be5 s m9dful ( me6 #bc4 ,our ,"l said to me once1 consol+ me1 t ,i 0 n to di/ress myself1--?is ,he said mo/ lov+ly1--because 9 ?is life we c\ld n cont9ue 9 ! same /ate4 #aj ,at "o "t ,i %\ld be f]v5t1 at ano!r n2 n[ disquiet$1 & aga9 at peace1 & tempt$2 b ,i mu/ hope 9 ,him1 & fe> n4 #bd4 ,i 0 "o day ?9k+ :e!r x 0 a want ( deta*m5t 9 me to take pleasure 9 ! company ( ^? :o _h ! c>e ( my s\l1 & to h an affection = !m1 & to com=t myself ) ^? :om ,i see to be v great s]vants ( ,god4 #aa ,our ,"l said to me3 ,x is n a virtue 9 a sick man to ab/a9 f ?ank+ & lov+ ! physician :o seems to re/ore him to heal? :5 he is 9 dang] ( dea?4 ,:at %\ld ,i h done )\t ^! p]sons8 ,! conv]sation ( good p 0 nev] hurtful2 my words %\ld always be weigh$1 & holy2 & ,i 0 n to cease my relations ) !m1 = !y w\ld d me good r ?an h>m4 #be4 ,?is 0 a great com=t to me1 because1 n[ & !n1 ,i wi%$ to ab/a9 f conv]se ) all p2 = x seem$ to me t ,i 0 atta*$ to !m4 ,always1 9 all ?+s1 did our ,"l console me1 ev5 to ! %[+ me h[ ,i 0 to treat ^? :o 7 weak1 & "s o!r p also4 ,nev] did ,he cease to take c>e ( me4 ,i am sometimes di/ress$ to see h[ little ,i d 9 ,8 s]vice1 & h[ ,i am =c$ to sp5d "t 9 tak+ c>e ( a body s weak & wor?less z m9e is1 m ?an ,i wi%4 #bf4 ,i 0 9 pray] "o night1 :5 x 0 "t to g to sleep4 ,i 0 9 v great pa91 & my usual sickness 0 com+ on4 #ab ,i saw myself s great a slave to myself1 &1 on ! o!r h&1 ! _s ask$ = "t = itself4 ,i 0 s mu* di/ress$ t ,i began to weep exce$+ly1 & to be v sorry4 ,?is has happ5$ to me n once only1 b1 z ,i am say+1 v (t52 & x seems to make me we>y ( myself1 s t at ! "t ,i hold myself lit]ally 9 abhorr5ce4 ,habitually1 h[ev]1 ,i "k t ,i d n hate myself1 & ,i nev] fail to take t :i* ,i see to be necess>y = me4 ,may our ,"l grant t ,i d n take m ?an is necess>y6--,i am afraid ,i d4 #bg4 ,:5 ,i 0 ?us di/ress$1 our ,"l appe>$ unto me4 ,he com=t$ me greatly1 & told me ,i mu/ d ?is = ,8 love1 & be> x2 my life 0 necess>y n[4 ,& s1 ,i believe1 ,i h nev] kn[n real pa9 s9ce ,i resolv$ to s]ve my ,"l & my ,consol] ) all my /r5g?2 = ?\gh he w\ld leave me to suff] a little1 yet ,he w\ld console me 9 su* a way t ,i am do+ no?+ :5 ,i long = tr\bles4 ,& x seems to me !re is no?+ wor? liv+ = b ?is1 & suff]+ is :at ,i mo/ he>tily pray to ,god =4 ,i say to ,him sometimes1 ) my :ole he>t3 ,o ,"l1 ei!r to die or to suff]6 ,i ask ( ,!e no?+ else = myself4 ,x is a com=t to me to he> ! clock /rike1 because ,i seem to h come a little ne>] to ! vision ( ,god1 9 t ano!r h\r ( my life has pass$ away4 #bh4 ,at o!r times ,i am 9 su* a /ate t ,i d n feel t ,i am liv+1 nor yet d ,i desire to die b ,i am lukew>m1 & d>kness surr\nds me on e side1 z ,i said be=e2 #ac = ,i am v (t5 9 great tr\ble4 ,x pleas$ our ,"l t ! graces ,he wr\ght 9 me %\ld be publi%$ abroad1 #ad z ,he told me "s ye>s ago !y %\ld be4 ,x 0 a great pa9 to me1 & ,i h borne mu* on t acc\nt ev5 to ?is day1 z y1 my fa!r1 "k1 because e man expla9s !m 9 8 own s5se4 ,b my com=t h]e9 is t x is n my fault t !y are become kn[n1 = ,i 0 extremely cauti\s nev] to speak ( !m b to my confessors1 or to p]sons :o ,i knew _h he>d ( !m f !m4 ,i 0 sil5t1 h[ev]1 n out ( humility1 b because1 z ,i said be=e1 #ae x gave me great pa9 to speak ( !m ev5 to my confessors4 #bi4 ,n[1 h[ev]1--to ,god be ! glory6--?\gh _m speak aga9/ me1 b out ( a zeal = goodness1 & ?\gh "s are afraid to speak to me1 & ev5 to he> my confession1 & ?\gh o!rs h mu* to say ab\t me1 because ,i see t our ,"l will$ by ?is means to provide help = _m s\ls1--& also because ,i see cle>ly & keep 9 m9d h[ mu* ,he w\ld suff]1 if only = ! ga9+ ( "o1--,i d n c>e ab\t x at all4 #cj4 ,i "k n :y x is s1 b p]haps ! reason may 9 "s measure be t ,8 ,maje/y has plac$ me 9 ?is corn] out ( ! way1 :]e ! enclosure is s /rict1 & :]e ,i am z "o t is dead4 ,i ?\ght t no "o w\ld rememb] me1 b ,i am n s mu* =gott5 z ,i wi% ,i 01 = ,i am =c$ to speak to "s p4 ,b z ,i am 9 a h\se :]e none may see me1 x seems z if our ,"l _h be5 pleas$ to br+ me to a hav51 :i* ,i tru/ 9 ,8 ,maje/y w be secure4 ,n[ t ,i am out ( ! _w1 ) companions holy & few 9 numb]1 ,i look d[n on ! _w z f a great height1 & c>e v little :at p say or "k ab\t me4 ,i ?9k mu* m ( "o s\l's advancem5t1 ev5 if x 7 b slight1 ?an ( all t p may say ( me2 & s9ce ,i am settl$ "h x has pleas$ our ,"l t all my desires t5d to ?is4 #ca4 ,he has made my life to me n[ a k9d ( sleep2 = almo/ always :at ,i see seems to me to be se5 z 9 a dream1 nor h ,i any great s5se ei!r ( pleasure or ( pa94 ,if matt]s occur :i* may occasion ei!r1 ! s5se ( x passes away s quickly t x a/oni%es me1 & leaves an impression z if ,i _h be5 dream+1--& ?is is ! simple tru?2 = if ,i wi%$ aft]w>ds to delight 9 t pleasure1 or be sorry ov] t pa91 x is n 9 my p[] to d s3 j z a s5sible p]son feels nei!r pa9 nor pleasure 9 ! memory ( a dream t is pa/2 = n[ our ,"l has r\s$ my s\l out ( t /ate :i*1 because ,i 0 n mortifi$ nor dead to ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 made me feel z ,i did1 & ,8 ,maje/y does n wi% me to become bl9d aga94 #cb4 ,?is is ! way ,i live n[1 my "l & fa!r2 d y1 my fa!r1 pray to ,god t ,he w\ld take me to ,himself1 or enable me to s]ve ,him4 ,may x please ,8 ,maje/y t :at ,i h writt5 may be ( "s use to y1 my fa!r6 ,i h s little "t1 #af & !re=e my tr\ble has be5 great 9 writ+2 b x w be a bless$ tr\ble if ,i h succe$$ 9 say+ any?+ t w cause "o s+le act ( praise to our ,"l4 ,if t 7 ! case1 ,i %\ld look ^u myself z suffici5tly rew>d$1 ev5 if y1 my fa!r1 burnt at once :at ,i h writt54 ,i w\ld r x 7 n burnt be=e ^? ?ree saw x1 :om y1 my fa!r1 "k (1 because !y are1 & h be51 my confessors2 = if x be bad1 x is "r !y %\ld lose ! good op9ion !y h ( me2 & if x be good1 !y are good & le>n$ m51 & ,i "k !y w recognise its s\rce1 & give praise to ,him :o ha? spok5 ?r\gh me4 #cc4 ,may ,8 ,maje/y ev] be y\r protector1 & make y s great a sa9t t y\r _s & light may %[ ! way to me a mis]able creature1 s want+ 9 humility & s bold z to h v5tur$ to write on subjects s high6 ,may our ,"l grant ,i h n fall5 into any errors 9 ! matt]1 = ,i _h ! int5tion & ! desire to be accurate & ob$i5t1 & also t ?r\gh me ,he might1 9 "s measure1 h glory1--because t is :at ,i h be5 pray+ = ^! _m ye>s2 & z my good works are ineffici5t = t end1 ,i h v5tur$ to put 9 ord] ?is my disord]$ life4 ,/ill1 ,i h n wa/$ m "t1 nor giv5 x m att5tion1 ?an 0 necess>y = writ+ x2 yet ,i h put d[n all t has happ5$ to me ) all ! simplicity & s9c]ity possible4 #cd4 ,may our ,"l1 :o is all-p[]ful1 grant--& ,he c if ,he w--t ,i may atta9 to ! do+ ( ,8 w 9 all ?+s6 ,may ,he nev] suff] ?is s\l to be lo/1 :i* ,he s (t51 9 s _m ways1 & by s _m means1 has rescu$ f hell & drawn unto ,himself6 ,am54 ,i4,h4,s4 ,! ,holy ,_s be ev] ) y1 my fa!r4 #ag ,am54 ,x w\ld n be any?+ improp] if ,i 7 to magnify my lab\r 9 writ+ ?is1 to oblige y to be v c>eful to recomm5d me to our ,"l2 = inde$ ,i may well d s1 consid]+ :at ,i h gone ?r\gh 9 giv+ ?is acc\nt ( myself1 & 9 retrac+ my manifold wret*$ness4 ,b1 /ill1 ,i c say ) tru? t ,i felt x m difficult to speak ( ! graces :i* ,i h receiv$ f our ,"l ?an to speak ( my (f5ces aga9/ ,8 ,maje/y4 ,y1 my fa!r1 comm&$ me to write at l5g?2 t is :at ,i h done1 on condition t y w d :at y promis$1 namely1 de/roy ev]y?+ 9 x t has ! appe>ance ( be+ wrong4 ,i _h n yet read x ?r\gh aft] ,i _h writt5 x1 :5 y\r rev]5ce s5t = x4 ,"s ?+s 9 x may n be v cle>ly expla9$1 & !re may be "s repetitions2 = ! "t ,i c\ld give to x 0 s %ort1 t ,i c\ld n /op to see :at ,i 0 writ+4 ,i entreat y\r rev]5ce to correct x & h x copi$1 if x is to be s5t on to ! ,fa!r-,ma/]1 ,avila1 #ah = p]haps "s "o may recognise ! h&writ+4 ,i wi% v mu* y w\ld ord] x s t he might see x1 = ,i began to write x ) a view to t ,i %all be greatly com=t$ if he %all ?9k t ,i am on a safe road1 n[ t1 s f> z x conc]ns me1 !re is no?+ m to be done4 ,y\r rev]5ce w d 9 all ?+s t :i* to y %all seem good1 & y w look ^u y\rself z "u an obligation to take c>e ( "o :o tru/s h] s\l to y\r keep+4 ,i w pray = ! s\l ( y\r rev]5ce to our ,"l1 s long z ,i live4 ,y w1 !re=e1 be dilig5t 9 ,8 s]vice1 9 ord] t y may be able to help me2 = y\r rev]5ce w see by :at ,i h writt5 h[ pr(itable x is to give oneself1 z y\r rev]5ce has begun to d1 :olly unto ,him :o gives ,himself to u s utt]ly )\t measure4 ,bless$ be ,8 ,maje/y = ev]6 ,i hope ( ,8 m]cy we %all see "o ano!r "o day1 :5 we1 y\r rev]5ce & myself1 %all see m cle>ly ! great m]cies ,he has %[n u1 & :5 we %all praise ,him = ev] & ev]4 ,am54 ,?is book 0 f9i%$ 9 ,june1 #aefb4 ,?is date ref]s to ! fir/ acc\nt :i* ! holy ,"m ,t]esa ( ,jesus wrote ( h] life2 x 0 n !n divid$ into *apt]s4 ,aft]w>ds %e made ?is copy1 & ins]t$ 9 x _m ?+s :i* _h tak5 place subsequ5t to ?is date1 su* z ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila1 z 9 p4 #afi4 #ai--;,fray ,d ,baes4 #a4 ,*4 xxxii4 #a4 #b4 ,*4 xxviii4 #ad4 #c4 ,/4 ,matt4 v4 #ah3 ,iota unum aut unus apex non prt]ibit a lege4 #d4 ,*4 iv4 #aj4 #e4 ,ecce quantum spatiatus sum 9 memoria mea qur5s ,te1 ,dom9e2 et non ,te inv5i extra eam4 4 4 4 ,ex quo didici ,te1 manes 9 memoria mea1 et illic ,te inv5io cum rem9iscor ,tui et delector 9 ,te 7,confess4 x4 #bd74 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 ,six? ,mansion1 *4 iv4 #f4 ,*4 xx4 #bf4 #g4 ,*4 xxv4 #ah1 *4 xxvi4 #d4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 xxii4 #h4 #h4 #i4 ,yepez says t ! ,ord] "h spok5 ( is ! ,c>melite1 & ,rib]a und]/&s ! ,sa9t to ref] to t ( ,/4 ,dom9ic4 ,! ,boll&i/s1 n4 #afch-afdf1 on ! :ole1 pref] ! au?ority ( ,rib]a to t ( ,yepez & give good reasons = _! pref]5ce1 sett+ aside z insuffici5t ! te/imony ( ,fray ,luis ( ! ,assumption1 :o says he he>d himself f ! ,v5]able ,anne ( ,/4 ,b>?olomew t ! ,ord] 9 "q is ! ,ord] ( our ,lady ( ,m\nt ,c>mel4 ,don ,vic5te1 ! ,spani% editor1 rejects ! op9ion ( ,rib]a1 on ! gr\nd t x c\ld n h be5 truly said ( ! ,dom9icans 9 ! sixte5? c5tury t ! ,ord] 0 9 "s degree fall51 = x 0 9 a mo/ fl\ri%+ /ate4 ,he !re=e 0 incl9$ to believe t ! ,sa9t ref]r$ to ! ,augu/9ians or to ! ,franciscans4 ,b1 aft] he _h pr9t$ ?is "p ( 8 book1 he discov]$ among ! ,,mss4 9 ! public libr>y ( ,madrid a lett] ( ,anne ( ,/4 ,b>?olomew1 address$ to ,fray ,luis ( ! ,assumption1 9 :i* ! sa9tly companion ( ,/4 ,t]esa says t ! ,ord] 0 ours4 ,don ,vic5te has publi%$ ! lett] 9 ! ,app5dix1 p4 #eff4 #aj4 ,job xiv4 #b3 ,nunquam 9 eodem /atu p]manet4 #aa4 ,see *4 xxxvii4 #d1 #f4 #ab4 ,see *4 vii4 #ah4 #ac4 ,*4 xxx4 #aj4 #ad4 ,*4 xxxi4 #af1 #ag4 #ae4 ,*4 xxviii4 #f4 #af4 ,see *4 xiv4 #ab4 #ag4 ,?is lett]1 :i* seems to h accompani$ ! ,life1 is pr9t$ among ! o!r lett]s ( ! ,sa9t1 & is address$ to h] confessor1 ! ,dom9ican fri>1 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,x is ! fifte5? lett] 9 ! fir/ volume ( ! edition ( ,madrid2 b x is n dat$ !re4 #ah4 ,juan de ,avila1 commonly call$ ! ,apo/le ( ,&alusia4 #ai4 ,i4e4 ( ! ,,ms4 ,see p4 #ccg ,transcrib]'s note3 *4 xxxvi4 #ae ( ?is translation4 ,! ,relations or ,manife/ations ( ,h] ,spiritual ,/ate ,:i* ,/4 ,t]esa ,submitt$ to ,h] ,confessors4 ,! ,relations4 ,relation #a4 ,s5t to ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a 9 #aefj f ! ,mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila4 #a #a4 ,! me?od ( pray] ,i obs]ve at pres5t is ?is3 :5 ,i am 9 pray]1 x is v r>ely t ,i c use ! und]/&+1 because ! s\l becomes at once recollect$1 rema9s 9 repose1 or falls into a trance1 s t ,i _c 9 any way h ! use ( ! faculties & ! s5ses1--s mu* s1 t ! he>+ alone is left2 b !n x does n help me to und]/& any?+4 #b4 ,x (t5 happ5s1 :5 ,i am n ev5 ?9k+ ( ! ?+s ( ,god1 b engag$ 9 o!r matt]s1 & :5 pray] seems to be beyond my p[]1 :atev] ef=ts ,i might make1 because ( ! great aridity ,i am 91 bodily pa9s contribut+ !reto1 t ?is recollection or elevation ( _s comes ^u me s sudd5ly t ,i _c )/& x1 & ! fruits & bless+s x br+s ) x are 9 a mom5t m9e3 & ?is1 )\t my hav+ _h a vision1 or he>d any?+1 or kn[+ :]e ,i am1 except t :5 ! s\l seems to be lo/ ,i see x make great progress1 :i* ,i c\ld n h made if ,i _h lab\r$ = a :ole ye>1 s great is my ga94 #c4 ,at o!r times c]ta9 excessive impetuosities occur1 accompani$ ) a c]ta9 fa9t+ away ( ! s\l = ,god1 s t ,i h no control ov] myself2 #b my life seems to h come to an end1 & s x makes me cry out & call ^u ,god2 & ?is comes ^u me ) great vehem5ce4 ,sometimes ,i _c rema9 sitt+1 s great is ! oppression ( ! he>t2 & ?is pa9 comes on )\t my do+ any?+ to cause x1 & ! nature ( x is su* t my s\l w\ld be glad nev] to be )\t x :ile ,i live4 ,& ! long+s ,i h are long+s n to live2 & !y come on because x seems z if ,i mu/ live on )\t be+ able to f9d any relief1 = relief comes f ! vision ( ,god1 :i* comes by dea?1 & dea? is :at ,i _c take2 & ) all ?is my s\l ?9ks t all except itself are fill$ ) consolations1 & t all f9d help 9 _! tr\bles1 b n itself4 ,! di/ress ?us occasion$ is s int5se t1 if our ,"l did n relieve x by ?r[+ x into a trance1 :]eby all is made calm1 & ! s\l re/s 9 great quiet & is satisfi$1 n[ by see+ some?+ ( t :i* x desires1 n[ by he>+ o!r ?+s1 x w\ld seem to be impossible = x to be deliv]$ f ?is pa94 #d4 ,at o!r times !re come ^u me c]ta9 desires to s]ve ,god1 ) a vehem5ce s great t ,i _c describe x1 & accompani$ ) a c]ta9 pa9 at see+ h[ unpr(itable ,i am4 ,x seems to me !n t !re is no?+ 9 ! _w1 nei!r dea?1 nor m>tyrdom1 t ,i c\ld n easily endure4 ,?is conviction1 too1 is n ! result ( any reflection1 b comes 9 a mom5t4 ,i am :olly *ang$1 & ,i "k n :5ce come? su* great c\rage4 ,i ?9k ,i %\ld live to raise my voice1 & publi% to all ! _w h[ important x is = m5 n to be satisfi$ ) ! common way1 & h[ great ! good is t ,god w give u if we prep>e ourselves to receive x4 ,i say x aga91 ^! desires are su* t ,i am melt$ away 9 myself1 = ,i seem to desire :at ,i _c h4 ,! body seems to me to hold me 9 prison1 ?r\gh its inability to s]ve ,god & my /ate #c 9 any?+2 = if x 7 n = ! body1 ,i might d v great ?+s1 s f> z my /r5g? w\ld all[2 & ?us1 because ,i see myself )\t any p[] :atev] to s]ve ,god1 ,i feel ?is pa9 9 a way :olly indescribable2 ! issue is delight1 recollection1 & ! consolation ( ,god4 #e4 ,aga91 x has happ5$1 :5 ^! long+s to s]ve ,him come ^u me1 t ,i wi% to d p5ance1 b ,i am n able4 ,x w\ld be a great relief to me1 & x does relieve & *e] me1 ?\gh :at ,i d is almo/ no?+1 because ( my bodily weakness2 & yet1 if ,i 7 to give way to ^! my long+s1 ,i believe ,i %\ld obs]ve no mod]ation4 #f4 ,sometimes1 if ,i h to speak to any "o1 ,i am greatly di/ress$1 & ,i suff] s mu* t x makes me weep abundantly2 = my :ole desire is to be alone1 & solitude com=ts me1 ?\gh at times ,i nei!r pray nor read1 & conv]sation--p>ticul>ly ( k9dr$ & connections--seems oppressive1 & myself to be z a slave1 except :5 ,i speak to ^? ^: conv]sation is ( pray] & matt]s ( ! s\l1--9 ^! ,i f9d com=t & joy2 #d yet ^! occasionally are too mu* = me1 & ,i w\ld r n see !m1 b g :]e ,i might be alone3 ?\gh ?is is n (t5 ! case1 = ^? especially :o direct my consci5ce always console me4 #g4 ,at o!r times x gives me mu* pa9 t ,i mu/ eat & sleep1 & t ,i see ,i _c =ego ^! ?+s1 be+ less able to d s ?an any "o4 ,i submit t ,i may s]ve ,god1 & ?us ,i (f] up ^? actions to him4 ,"t seems to me too %ort1 & t ,i h n en\gh = my pray]1 = ,i %\ld nev] be tir$ ( be+ alone4 ,i am always wi%+ ,i _h "t = read+1 = ,i h be5 always fond ( read+4 ,i read v little1 = :5 ,i take up a book ,i become recollect$ ?r\gh ! pleasure x gives me1 & ?us my read+ is turn$ into pray]3 & x is b r>ely1 = ,i h _m occupations2 & ?\gh !y are good1 !y d n give me ! pleasure :i* read+ w\ld give4 ,& ?us ,i am always wi%+ = m "t1 & ev]y?+ becomes disagreeable1 s ,i believe1 because ,i see ,i _c d :at ,i wi% & desire4 #h4 ,all ^! desires1 ) an increase 9 virtue1 h be5 giv5 me by our ,"l s9ce ,he rais$ me to ?is pray] ( quiet1 & s5t ^! raptures4 ,i f9d myself s improv$ t ,i look on myself z be+ a mass ( p]dition be=e ?is4 ,^! raptures & visions leave me 9 possession ( ! bless+s ,i %all n[ speak (2 & ,i ma9ta9 t1 if !re be any good 9 me1 !y are ! occasions ( x4 #i4 ,i h made a v /rong resolution nev] to (f5d ,god1 n ev5 v5ially4 ,i w\ld r die a ?\s& dea?s ?an d any?+ ( ! k9d kn[+ly4 ,i am resolv$ nev] to leave undone any?+ ,i may consid] to be ! m p]fect1 or m = ! hon\r ( our ,"l1 if he :o has ! c>e ( my s\l & directs me tells me ,i may d x4 ,co/ me :at pa9 x might1 ,i w\ld n leave su* an act undone = all ! treasure ( ! _w4 ,if ,i 7 to d s1 ,i d n ?9k ,i c\ld h ! face to ask any?+ ( ,god our ,"l1 or to make my pray]2 & yet1 = all ?is1 ,i h _m faults & imp]fections4 ,i am ob$i5t to my confessor1 #e ?\gh imp]fectly2 b if ,i "k t he wi%es or comm&s any?+1 ,i w\ld n leave t undone1 s f> z ,i und]/& x2 if ,i did s1 ,i %\ld ?9k myself "u a griev\s delusion4 #aj4 ,i h a long+ = pov]ty1 ?\gh n free f imp]fection2 h[ev]1 ,i believe1 if ,i _h weal?1 ,i w\ld n res]ve any rev5ue1 nor ho>d money = myself1 nor d ,i c>e = x2 ,i wi% to h only :at is necess>y4 ,nev]!less1 ,i feel t ,i am v defective 9 ?is virtue2 =1 ?\gh ,i desire no?+ = myself1 ,i %\ld l to h some?+ to give away3 /ill1 ,i desire no rev5ue1 nor any?+ = myself4 #f #aa4 ,9 almo/ all ! visions ,i h _h1 ,i h f\nd good1 if x be n a delusion ( ,satan2 h]e9 ,i submit myself to ! judgm5t ( my confessors4 #ab4 ,z to f9e & beautiful ?+s1 su* z wat]1 fields1 p]fume1 music1 etc41 ,i ?9k ,i w\ld r n h !m1 s great is ! diff]5ce betwe5 !m & :at ,i am 9 ! habit ( see+1 & s all pleasure 9 !m is gone f me4 #g ,h5ce x is t ,i c>e n = !m1 unless x be at ! fir/ sight3 !y nev] make any fur!r impression2 to me !y seem b dirt4 #ac4 ,if ,i speak or conv]se ) p 9 ! _w--= ,i _c help x--ev5 ab\t pray]1 & if ! conv]sation be long1 ?\gh to pass away ! "t1 ,i am "u great con/ra9t if x be n necess>y1 = x gives me mu* pa94 #ad4 ,amusem5ts1 ( :i* ,i us$ to be fond1 & worldly ?+s1 are all disagreeable to me n[1 & ,i _c look at !m4 #ae4 ,! long+s1 :i* ,i said ,i h1 #h ( lov+ & s]v+ & see+ ,god1 are n help$ by any reflections1 z =m]ly1 :5 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 v dev\t1 & %$ _m te>s2 b !y fl[ out ( a c]ta9 fire & heat s excessive t1 ,i repeat x1 if ,god did n relieve !m by ?r[+ me into a trance1 :]e9 ! s\l seems to f9d itself satisfi$1 ,i believe my life w\ld come to an end at once4 #af4 ,:5 ,i see p]sons mak+ great progress1 & ?us resolv$1 deta*$1 & c\rage\s1 ,i love !m mu*2 & ,i %\ld l to h my conv]sation ) su* p]sons1 & ,i ?9k !y help me on4 ,p :o are afraid1 & seem+ly cauti\s 9 ^? ?+s1 ! do+ ( :i* is p]fectly reasonable "h1 seem to vex me1 & drive me to pray to ,god & ! sa9ts to make !m und]take su* ?+s z ^! :i* n[ fright5 u4 ,n t ,i am good = any?+ myself1 b because ,i believe t ,god helps ^? :o1 = ,8 sake1 apply !mselves to great ?+s1 & t ,he nev] ab&ons any "o :o puts 8 tru/ 9 ,him only4 ,& ,i %\ld l to f9d any "o :o w\ld help me to believe s1 & to be )\t ?\ght ab\t food & raim5t1 b leave x all 9 ! h&s ( ,god4 #i #ag4 ,?is leav+ 9 ! h&s ( ,god ! supply ( all ,i ne$ is n to be und]/ood z exclud+ all lab\r on my "p1 b m]ely solicitude--,i mean1 ! solicitude ( c>e4 ,& s9ce ,i h atta9$ to ?is lib]ty1 x goes well ) me1 & ,i lab\r to =get myself z mu* z ,i c4 ,i d n ?9k x is a ye> ago s9ce our ,"l gave me ?is lib]ty4 #ah4 ,va+lory #aj--;glory1 be to ,god6--s f> z ,i "k1 !re is no reason :y ,i %\ld h any2 = ,i see pla9ly t 9 ^! ?+s :i* ,god s5ds me ,i h no "p myself2 on ! contr>y1 ,god makes me consci\s ( my own wret*$ness2 = :atev] reflections ,i might be able to make1 ,i c\ld nev] come to ! k ( su* deep tru?s z ,i atta9 to 9 a s+le rapture4 #ai4 ,:5 ,i speak ( ^! ?+s a few days aft]1 !y seem to me z if !y _h happ5$ to ano!r p]son4 ,previ\sly1 ,i ?\ght x a wrong to me t !y %\ld be kn[n to o!rs2 b ,i see n[ t ,i am n !re=e any ! bett]1 b r worse1 see+ t ,i make s little progress aft] receiv+ m]cies s great4 ,& c]ta9ly1 9 e way1 x seems to me t !re 0 n 9 ! _w anybody worse ?an myself2 & s ! virtues ( o!rs seem to me mu* m m]itori\s ?an m9e1 & t ,i d no?+ myself b receive graces1 & t ,god mu/ give to o!rs at once all t ,he is n[ giv+ unto me2 & ,i pray ,him n to rew>d me 9 ?is life2 & s ,i believe t ,god has l$ me along ?is way because ,i am weak & wick$4 #bj4 ,:5 ,i am 9 pray]1 & ev5 almo/ always :5 ,i am able to reflect at all1 ,i _c1 ev5 if ,i tri$1 pray to ,god = re/1 or desire x2 = ,i see t ,8 life 0 "o ( suff]+1 & t ,i ask ,him to s5d me1 giv+ me fir/ ! grace to be> x4 #ba4 ,ev]y?+ ( ?is k9d1 & ( ! highe/ p]fection1 seems to make s deep an impression on me 9 pray]1 t ,i am amaz$ at ! sight ( tru?s s great & s cle> t ! ?+s ( ! _w seem to be folly2 & s x is necess>y = me to take pa9s to reflect on ! way ,i demean$ myself =m]ly 9 ! ?+s ( ! _w1 = x seems to me folly to feel = dea?s & ! tr\bles ( ! _w1--at lea/1 t sorr[ =1 or love (1 k9dr$ & fri5ds %\ld la/ long4 ,i say ,i h to take pa9s :5 ,i am consid]+ :at ,i 01 & :at ,i us$ to feel4 #bb4 ,if ,i see p d any?+ :i* cle>ly seems to be s91 ,i _c make up my m9d t !y h (f5d$ ,god2 & if ,i dwell ^u ?is at all1--:i* happ5s r>ely or nev]1--,i nev] c make up my m9d1 ?\gh ,i see x pla9ly en\gh4 ,x seems to me t ev]ybody is z anxi\s to s]ve ,god z ,i am4 ,& h]e9 ,god has be5 v graci\s unto me1 = ,i nev] dwell on an evil de$1 to rememb] x aft]w>ds & if ,i d rememb] x1 ,i see "s virtue or o!r 9 t p]son4 ,9 ?is way ^! ?+s nev] we>y me1 except g5]ally3 b h]esies d2 !y di/ress me v (t51 & almo/ always :5 ,i ?9k ( !m !y seem to me to be ! only tr\ble :i* %\ld be felt4 ,& also ,i feel1 :5 ,i see p :o us$ to give !mselves to pray] fall away2 ?is gives me pa91 b n mu*1 because ,i /rive n to dwell ^u x4 #bc4 ,i f9d1 also1 t ,i am improv$ 9 ! matt] ( t excessive neatness :i* ,i 0 wont to obs]ve1 #aa ?\gh n :olly deliv]$ f x4 ,i d n disc]n t ,i am always mortifi$ 9 ?is2 sometimes1 h[ev]1 ,i d4 #bd4 ,all ?is ,i h describ$1 toge!r ) a v con/ant dwell+ 9 ?\ght on ,god1 is ! ord9>y /ate ( my s\l1 s f> z ,i c und]/& x4 ,& if ,i mu/ be busy ab\t some?+ else1 )\t my seek+ x1 z ,i said be=e1 #ab ,i "k n :o makes me awake1--& ?is n always1 only :5 ,i am busy ) ?+s ( importance2 & su*--glory be to ,god6--only at int]vals dem& my att5tion1 & d n occupy me at all times4 #be4 ,= "s days--!y are n _m1 h[ev]--= ?ree1 or f\r1 or five1 all my good & f]v5t ?\ghts1 & my visions1 seem to be )drawn1 yea1 ev5 =gott51 s t1 if ,i 7 to seek = x1 ,i "k ( no good t c ev] h be5 9 me4 ,x seems to h be5 all a dream1 or1 at lea/1 ,i c call no?+ to m9d4 ,bodily pa9s at ! same "t di/ress me4 ,my und]/&+ is tr\bl$1 s t ,i _c ?9k at all ab\t ,god1 nei!r d ,i "k "u :at law ,i live4 ,if ,i read any?+1 ,i d n und]/& x2 ,i seem to be full ( faults1 & )\t any resolution :atev] to practise virtue2 & ! great resolution ,i us$ to h is come to ?is1 t ,i seem to be unable to resi/ ! lea/ temptation or sl&] ( ! _w4 ,x sugge/s itself to me !n t ,i am good = no?+1 if any "o w\ld h me und]take m ?an ! common duties4 ,i give way to sadness1 ?9k+ ,i h deceiv$ all ^? :o tru/$ me at all4 ,i %\ld l to hide myself :]e nobody c\ld see me2 b my desire = solitude arises f want ( c\rage1 n f love ( virtue4 ,x seems to me t ,i %\ld l to dispute ) all :o contradict me2 ,i am "u ! influ5ce ( ^! impressions1 only ,god has be5 s graci\s unto me1 t ,i d n (f5d m frequ5tly ?an ,i 0 wont to d1 nor d ,i ask ,him to deliv] me f !m1 b only1 if x be ,8 w ,i %\ld always suff] ?us1 to keep me f (f5d+ ,him2 & ,i submit myself to ,8 w ) my :ole he>t1 & ,i see t x is a v great grace be/[$ ^u me t ,he does n keep me con/antly 9 ?is /ate4 #bf4 ,"o ?+ a/oni%es me2 x is t1 :ile ,i am 9 ?is /ate1 ?r\gh a s+le ^w ( ^? ,i am 9 ! habit ( he>+1 or a s+le vision1 or a little self-recollection1 la/+ b an ,ave ,m>ia1 or ?r\gh my draw+ ne> to communicate1 ,i f9d my s\l & body s calm1 s s\nd1 ! und]/&+ s cle>1 & myself possess+ all ! /r5g? & all ! good desires ,i usually h4 ,& ?is ,i h _h exp]i5ce ( v (t5--at lea/ :5 ,i g to ,communion2 x is m ?an six mon?s ago t ,i felt a cle> improvem5t 9 my bodily heal?1 #ac & t occasionally br\ght ab\t ?r\gh raptures1 & ,i f9d x la/ sometimes m ?an ?ree h\rs1 at o!r times ,i am mu* /rong] = a :ole day2 & ,i d n ?9k x is fancy1 = ,i h consid]$ ! matt]1 & reflect$ on x4 ,accord+ly1 :5 ,i am ?us recollect$1 ,i fe> no illness4 ,! tru? is1 t :5 ,i pray1 z ,i 0 accu/om$ to d be=e1 ,i feel no improvem5t4 #bg4 ,all ^! ?+s ( :i* ,i am speak+ make me believe t x comes f ,god2 = :5 ,i see :at ,i once 01 t ,i 0 9 ! way ( be+ lo/1 & t soon1 my s\l c]ta9ly is a/oni%$ at ^! ?+s1 )\t kn[+ :5ce ^! virtues came to me2 ,i did n "k myself1 & saw t all 0 a gift1 & n ! fruit ( my lab\rs4 ,i und]/& 9 all tru?fulness & s9c]ity1 & see t ,i am n delud$1 t x has be5 n only ! means ( draw+ me to ,god 9 ,8 s]vice1 b ( sav+ me also f hell4 ,?is my confessors "k1 :o h he>d my g5]al confession4 #bh4 ,also1 :5 ,i see any "o :o kn[s any?+ ab\t me1 ,i wi% to let him "k my :ole life1 #ad because my hon\r seems to me to consi/ 9 ! hon\r ( our ,"l1 & ,i c>e = no?+ else4 ,?is ,he kn[s well1 or ,i am v bl9d2 = nei!r hon\r1 nor life1 nor praise1 nor good ei!r ( body or ( s\l1 c int]e/ me1 nor d ,i seek or desire any advantage1 only ,8 glory4 ,i _c believe t ,satan has s\ght s _m means ( mak+ my s\l advance1 9 ord] to lose x aft] all4 ,i d n hold him to be s fooli%4 ,nor c ,i believe x ( ,god1 ?\gh ,i h des]v$ to fall into delusions because ( my s9s1 t ,he has left unhe$$ s _m pray]s ( s _m good p = two ye>s1 & ,i d no?+ else b ask ev]ybody to pray to our ,"l t ,he w\ld %[ me if ?is be = ,8 glory1 or lead me by ano!r way4 #ae ,i d n believe t ^! ?+s w\ld h be5 p]mitt$ by ,8 ,maje/y to be always go+ on if !y 7 n ,8 "w4 ,^! consid]ations1 & ! reasons ( s _m sa9tly m51 give me c\rage :5 ,i am "u ! pressure ( fe> t !y are n f ,god1 ,i be+ s wick$ myself4 ,b :5 ,i am 9 pray]1 & dur+ ^? days :5 ,i am 9 repose1 & my ?\ghts fix$ on ,god1 if all ! le>n$ & holy m5 9 ! _w came toge!r & put me to1 all conceivable tortures1 & ,i1 too1 desir\s ( agree+ ) !m1 !y c\ld n make me believe t ?is is ! "w ( ,satan1 = ,i _c4 ,& :5 !y w\ld h _h me believe x1 ,i 0 afraid1 see+ :o x 0 t said s2 & ,i ?\ght t !y mu/ be say+ :at 0 true1 & t ,i1 be+ :at ,i 01 mu/ h be5 delud$4 ,b all !y _h said to me 0 de/roy$ by ! fir/ ^w1 or recollection1 or vision t came1 & ,i 0 able to resi/ no long]1 & believ$ x 0 f ,god4 #af #bi4 ,h[ev]1 ,i c ?9k t ,satan n[ & !n may int]m$dle "h1 & s x is1 z ,i h se5 & said2 b he produces diff]5t results1 nor c he1 z x seems to me1 deceive any "o possess$ ( any exp]i5ce4 ,nev]!less1 ,i say t1 ?\gh ,i d c]ta9ly believe ?is to be f ,god1 ,i w\ld nev] d any?+1 = any consid]ation :atev]1 t is n judg$ by him :o has ! *>ge ( my s\l to be = ! bett] s]vice ( our ,"l1 & ,i nev] _h any int5tion b to obey )\t conceal+ any?+1 = t is my duty4 ,i am v (t5 rebuk$ = my faults1 & t 9 su* a way z to pi]ce me to ! v quick2 & ,i am w>n$ :5 !re is1 or :5 !re may be1 any dang] 9 :at ,i am do+4 ,^! rebukes & w>n+s h done me mu* good1 9 (t5 rem9d+ me ( my =m] s9s1 :i* make me exce$+ly sorry4 #cj4 ,i h be5 v long1 b ?is is ! tru?1--t1 :5 ,i rise f my pray]1 ,i see t ,i h receiv$ bless+s :i* seem too briefly describ$4 ,aft]w>ds ,i fall into _m imp]fections1 & am unpr(itable & v wick$4 ,& p]haps ,i h no p]ception ( :at is good1 b am delud$2 /ill1 ! diff]5ce 9 my life is notori\s1 & compels me to ?9k ov] all ,i h said--,i mean1 t :i* ,i v]ily believe ,i h felt4 ,^! are ! p]fections :i* ,i feel our ,"l has wr\ght 9 me1 :o am s wick$ & s imp]fect4 ,i ref] x all to y\r judgm5t1 my fa!r1 = y "k ! :ole /ate ( my s\l4 #a4 ,fra ,anton4 a ,sancto ,joseph1 9 8 notes on ?is ,relation1 usually publi%$ among ! lett]s ( ! ,sa9t1 ed4 ,doblado1 vol4 ii4 lett] #aa1 says x 0 writt5 = ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a :5 he came to ,avila 9 #aefj1 at ! "t :5 ! ,sa9t 0 s sev]ely tri$ by h] confessors & ! o!rs :o exam9$ h] _s1 & 7 conv9c$ t h] pray] 0 a delusion ( ,satan3 see ! ,life1 *4 xxv4 #ah4 ,! foll[+ notes 7 discov]$ among ! pap]s ( ! ,sa9t 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 & are suppos$ to ref] to ?is ,relation4 ,! ,*ronicl] ( ! ,ord]1 ,fra ,francis a ,sancta ,m>ia1 is incl9$ to ! belief t !y 7 writt5 by ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 to :om ! ,relation is address$1 & ! m s because ,rib]a does n claim !m = any memb] ( ! ,society1 not)/&+ ! ref]5ce to !m 9 #bb1 #bh4 #a4 ,! end ,god has 9 view is ! draw+ a s\l to himself2 t ( ! devil is ! )draw+ x f ,god4 ,our ,"l nev] does any?+ :]eby anyone may be sep>at$ f ,him1 & ! devil does no?+ :]eby any "o may be made to draw ne> unto ,god4 ,all ! visions & ! o!r op]ations 9 ! s\l ( ?is p]son draw h] ne>] unto ,god1 & make h] m humble & ob$i5t4 #b4 ,x is ! tea*+ ( ,/4 ,?omas t an angel ( light may be recognis$ by ! peace & quietness he leaves 9 ! s\l4 ,%e is nev] visit$ 9 ?is way1 b %e aft]w>ds abides 9 peace & joy2 s mu* s1 t all ! pleasures ( e>? toge!r are n comp>able to "o ( ^! visitations4 #c4 ,%e nev] commits a fault1 nor falls into an imp]fection1 )\t be+ in/antly rebuk$ by ,him :o speaks int]iorly to h]4 #d4 ,%e has nev] pray$ = nor wi%$ = !m3 all %e wi%es = is to d ! w ( ,god our ,"l 9 all ?+s4 #e4 ,ev]y?+ h]e9 is consi/5t ) ! ,scriptures & ! tea*+ ( ! ,*ur*1 & mo/ true1 accord+ to ! mo/ rigor\s pr9ciples ( s*ola/ic !ology4 #f4 ,?is s\l is mo/ pure & s9c]e1 ) ! mo/ f]v5t desires ( be+ pleas+ unto ,god1 & ( trampl+ on e e>?ly ?+4 #g4 ,%e has be5 told t :atev] %e %all ask ( ,god1 be+ good1 %e %all h4 ,%e has ask$ mu*1 & ?+s n conv5i5t to put on pap] le/ x %\ld be we>isome2 all ( :i* our ,"l has grant$4 #h4 ,:5 ^! op]ations are f ,god1 !y are always direct$ to ! good ( ! recipi5t1 to t ( ! community1 or ( "s o!r4 ,t %e has pr(it$ by !m %e kn[s by exp]i5ce1 & %e kn[s x1 too1 ( o!r p]sons also4 #i4 ,no "o conv]ses ) h]1 if he be n 9 evil dispositions1 :o is n mov$ !reby to devotion1 ev5 ?\gh %e says no?+ ab\t x4 #aj4 ,%e is gr[+ daily 9 ! p]fection ( virtues1 & le>ns by ^! ?+s ! way ( a high] p]fection4 ,& ?us1 dur+ ! :ole "t 9 :i* %e _h visions1 %e 0 mak+ progress1 accord+ to ! doctr9e ( ,/4 ,?omas4 #aa4 ,! _s t speaks to h] s\l nev] tells h] any?+ 9 ! way ( news1 or :at is unbecom+1 b only t :i* t5ds to edification4 #ab4 ,%e has be5 told ( "s p]sons t !y 7 full ( devils3 b ?is 0 = ! purpose ( enabl+ h] to und]/& ! /ate ( a s\l :i* has s9n$ mortally aga9/ our ,"l4 #ac4 ,! devil's me?od is1 :5 he attempts to deceive a s\l1 to advise t s\l nev] to speak ( :at he says to x2 b ! _s t speaks to ?is s\l w>ns h] to be op5 ) le>n$ m51 s]vants ( our ,"l1 & t ! devil may deceive h] if %e %\ld conceal any?+ ?r\gh %ame4 #ad4 ,s great is ! progress ( h] s\l 9 ?is way1 & ! edification %e m9i/]s 9 ! good example giv51 t m ?an =ty nuns 9 h] mona/]y practise great recollection4 #ae4 ,^! sup]natural ?+s occur aft] long pray+1 :5 %e is absorb$ 9 ,god1 on fire ) ,8 love1 or at ,communion4 #af4 ,!y k9dle 9 h] a mo/ e>ne/ desire to be on ! "r road1 & to escape ! delusions ( ,satan4 #ag4 ,!y are 9 h] ! cause ( ! deepe/ humility2 %e und]/&s t :at %e receives comes to h] f ! h& ( our ,"l1 & h[ little wor? %e is h]self4 #ah4 ,:5 !y are )held1 any?+ t occurs is wont to pa9 & di/ress h]2 b :5 %e is 9 ?is /ate1 %e rememb]s no?+2 all %e is consci\s ( is a great long+ = suff]+1 & s great is x t %e is amaz$ at x4 #ai4 ,!y are to h] s\rces ( joy & consolation 9 h] tr\bles1 :5 p speak ill ( h]1 & 9 h] infirmities--& %e has fe>ful pa9s ab\t ! he>t1 sicknesses1 & _m o!r afflictions1 all ( :i* leave h] :5 %e has ^! visions4 #bj4 ,) all ?is1 %e und]goes great p5ances1 fa/+1 ! discipl9e1 & mortifications4 #ba4 ,all t on e>? may give h] any pleasure1 & h] trials1 :i* are _m1 %e be>s ) equal tranquillity ( m9d1 )\t los+ ! peace & quiet ( h] s\l4 #bb4 ,h] resolution nev] to (f5d our ,"l is s e>ne/ t %e has made a v[ nev] to leave undone :at %e kn[s h]self1 or is told by ^? :o und]/& ! matt] bett]1 to be ! m p]fect4 ,& ?\gh %e holds ! memb]s ( ! ,society to be sa9ts1 & believes t our ,"l made use ( !m to be/[ on h] graces s great1 %e told me t1 if %e knew x w\ld be m p]fect to h no?+ m to d ) !m1 %e w\ld nev] speak to !m aga91 nor see !m1 not)/&+ ! fact t x 0 ?r\gh !m t h] m9d _h be5 quiet$ & direct$ 9 ^! ?+s4 #bc4 ,! sweetnesses %e commonly receives1 h] s5se ( ,god1 h] langui%+ ) love1 are c]ta9ly m>vell\s1 & ?r\gh ^! %e is wont to be enraptur$ ! :ole day long4 #bd4 ,%e frequ5tly falls into a trance :5 %e he>s ,god spok5 ( ) devotion & e>ne/ness1 & _c resi/ ! rapture1 d :at %e c2 & 9 t /ate h] appe>ance is su* t %e excites v great devotion4 #be4 ,%e _c be> to be direct$ by any "o :o w n tell h] ( h] faults1 & rebuke h]2 all t %e accepts ) great humility4 #bf4 ,moreov]1 %e _c endure p :o are 9 a /ate ( p]fection1 if !y d n lab\r to become p]fect1 accord+ to ! _s ( _! rule4 #bg4 ,%e is mo/ deta*$ f h] k9dr$1 has no desire to conv]se ) p1 & loves solitude4 ,%e has a great devotion to ! sa9ts1 & on _! fea/s1 & on ! days on :i* ! ,*ur* celebrates ! my/]ies ( ! fai?1 is fill$ ) mo/ f]v5t affections = our ,"l4 #bh4 ,if all ! memb]s ( ! ,society1 & all ! s]vants ( ,god ^u e>?1 tell h] t h] /ate is an effect ( ! op]ations ( ,satan1 or 7 to say s1 %e is 9 fe> & trembl+ be=e ! visions occur2 b z soon z %e is 9 pray]1 & recollect$1 %e _c be p]suad$1 7 !y to te> h] into a ?\s& pieces1 t x is any o!r ?an ,god :o is work+ 9 h] & speak+ to h]4 #bi4 ,god has giv5 h] a mo/ wond]fully /rong & valiant _s3 %e 0 once timid2 n[ %e tramples on all ! evil spirits4 ,%e has put f> away f h]self all ! littl5ess & sill9ess ( wom52 %e is s+ul>ly free f scruples1 & mo/ s9c]e4 #cj4 ,besides1 our ,"l has giv5 h] ! gift ( mo/ sweet te>s1 great compassion = h] neighb\rs1 ! k ( h] own faults1 a great rev]5ce = good p1 & self-abasem5t2 & ,i am c]ta9 t %e has done good to _m1 ( :om ,i am "o4 #ca4 ,%e is cont9ually rem9d+ h]self ( ,god1 & has a s5se ( ,8 pres5ce4 ,all ! locutions h be5 v]ifi$1 & e "o ( !m accompli%$2 & ?is is a v great te/4 #cb4 ,h] visions are a s\rce ( great cle>ness 9 h] und]/&+1 & an admirable illum9ation 9 ! ?+s ( ,god4 #cc4 ,x 0 said to h] t %e %\ld lead ^? :o 7 try+ h] _s to look into ! ,scriptures1 & t !y w\ld n f9d t any s\l desir\s ( pleas+ ,god _h be5 s long deceiv$4 #b4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxix4 #i-ac4 #c4 ,de la ,fu5te ?9ks %e means ! religi\s /ate4 #d4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxiv4 #h1 & *4 xxxi4 #bb4 #e4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxiii4 #ai4 #f4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxxv4 #b4 #g4 ,see ,life1 *4 ix4 #f1 & *4 xiv4 #g4 #h4 ,see #c1 above4 #i4 ,/4 ,matt4 vi4 #ca3 ,nolite ergo solliciti esse1 dic5tes3 ,quid m&ucabimus4 4 4 4 aut quo op]iemur8 #aj4 ,see ,life1 *4 vii4 #b4 #aa4 ,see ,life1 *4 ii4 #b4 #ab4 #b1 above4 #ac4 ,see ,life1 *4 xx4 #bi4 #ad4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxxi4 #ag4 #ae4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxv4 #bj4 #af4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxv4 #ah1 #bb4 ,relation ,,ii4 ,to ,"o ( ,h] ,confessors1 f ! ,h\se ( ,da ,luisa de la ,c]da1 9 #aefb4 #a ,jesus4 ,i ?9k x is m ?an a ye> s9ce ?is 0 writt52 ,god has all ?is "t protect$ me ) ,8 h&1 s t ,i h n become worse2 on ! contr>y1 ,i see a great *ange = ! bett] 9 all ,i h to say3 may ,he be prais$ = x all6 #a4 ,! visions & revelations h n ceas$1 b !y are ( a mu* high] k9d4 ,our ,"l has taught me a way ( pray]1 :]e9 ,i f9d myself f> m advanc$1 m deta*$ f ! ?+s ( ?is life1 m c\rage\s1 & m free4 #b ,i fall into a trance m frequ5tly1 = ^! ec/asies at times come ^u me ) great viol5ce1 & 9 su* a way z to be outw>dly visible1 ,i hav+ no p[] to resi/ !m2 & ev5 :5 ,i am ) o!rs--= !y come 9 su* a way z admits ( no disguis+ !m1 unless x be by lett+ p suppose t1 z ,i am subject to disease ( ! he>t1 !y are fa9t+-fits2 ,i take great pa9s1 h[ev]1 to resi/ !m :5 !y are com+ on--sometimes ,i _c d x4 #b4 ,z to pov]ty1 ,god seems to h wr\ght great ?+s 9 me2 = ,i w\ld will+ly be )\t ev5 :at is necess>y1 unless giv5 me z an alms2 & !re=e my long+ is extreme t ,i may be 9 su* a /ate z to dep5d on alms alone = my food4 ,x seems to me t to live1 :5 ,i am c]ta9 ( food & raim5t )\t fail1 is n s complete an obs]vance ( my v[ or ( ! c\nsel ( ,*ri/ z x w\ld be to live :]e no rev5ue is possess$1 & ,i %\ld be 9 want at times2 & z to ! bless+s t come ) true pov]ty1 !y seem to me to be great1 & ,i w\ld n miss !m4 ,_m times d ,i f9d myself ) su* great fai?1 t ,i d n ?9k ,god w ev] fail ^? :o s]ve ,him1 & )\t any d\bt :atev] t !re is1 or c be1 any "t 9 :i* ,8 words are n fulfill$3 ,i _c p]suade myself to ! contr>y1 nor c ,i h any fe>2 & s1 :5 !y advise me to accept an end[m5t1 ,i feel x ke5ly1 & betake myself unto ,god4 #c4 ,i ?9k ,i am mu* m compassionate t[>ds ! poor ?an ,i us$ to be1 hav+ a great pity = !m & a desire to help !m2 = if ,i reg>d$ only my good w1 ,i %\ld give !m ev5 ! habit ,i we>4 ,i am n fa/idi\s ) respect to !m1 ev5 if ,i _h to d ) !m or t\*$ !m ) my h&s1--& ?is ,i n[ see is a gift ( ,god2 = ?\gh ,i us$ to give alms = ,8 love1 ,i _h no natural compassion4 ,i am consci\s ( a di/9ct improvem5t h]e94 #d4 ,z to ! evil speak+ direct$ aga9/ me1--:i* is consid]able1 & highly injuri\s to me1 & done by _m1--,i f9d myself h]e9 also v mu* ! bett]4 ,i ?9k t :at !y say makes sc>cely any m impression ^u me ?an x w\ld ^u an idiot4 ,i ?9k at times1 & ne>ly always1 t x is j4 ,i feel x s little t ,i see no?+ 9 x t ,i might (f] to ,god1 z ,i le>n by exp]i5ce t my s\l ga9s greatly !reby2 on ! contr>y1 ! evil speak+ seems to be a fav\r4 ,& ?us1 ! fir/ "t ,i g to pray]1 ,i h no ill-feel+ aga9/ !m2 ! fir/ "t ,i he> x1 x creates 9 me a little resi/ance1 b x nei!r di/urbs nor moves me2 on ! contr>y1 :5 ,i see o!rs occasionally di/urb$1 ,i am sorry = !m4 ,s x is1 ,i put myself out ( ! "q2 = all ! wrongs ( ?is life seem to me s light1 t x is n possible to feel !m1 because ,i imag9e myself to be dream+1 & see t all ?is w be no?+ :5 ,i awake4 #e4 ,god is giv+ me m e>ne/ desires1 a great] love ( solitude1 a mu* great] deta*m5t1 z ,i said1 ) ! visions2 by ^! ,he has made me "k :at all t is1 ev5 if ,i gave up all ! fri5ds ,i h1 bo? m5 & wom5 & k9dr$4 ,?is is ! lea/ "p ( x3 my k9dr$ are r a v great we>9ess to me2 ,i leave !m 9 all fre$om & joy1 provid$ x be to r5d] ! lea/ s]vice unto ,god2 & ?us on e side ,i f9d peace4 #f4 ,c]ta9 ?+s1 ab\t :i* ,i h be5 w>n$ 9 pray]1 h be5 p]fectly v]ifi$4 ,?us1 consid]+ ! graces receiv$ f ,god1 ,i f9d myself v mu* bett]2 b1 consid]+ my s]vice to ,him 9 return1 ,i am exce$+ly wor?less1 = ,i h receiv$ great] consolation ?an ,i h giv51 ?\gh sometimes t gives me griev\s pa94 ,my p5ance is v scanty1 ! respect %[n me great1 mu* aga9/ my own w v (t54 #c ,h[ev] 9 a ^w1 ,i see t ,i live an easy1 n a p5it5tial1 life2 ,god help me1 z ,he c6 #g4 ,x is n[ n9e mon?s1 m or less1 s9ce ,i wrote ?is ) m9e own h&2 s9ce !n ,i h n turn$ my back on ! graces :i* ,god has giv5 me2 ,i ?9k ,i h receiv$1 s f> z ,i c see1 a mu* great] lib]ty ( late4 ,hi!rto ,i ?\ght ,i _h ne$ ( o!rs1 & ,i _h m reliance on worldly helps4 ,n[ ,i cle>ly und]/& t all m5 are bun*es ( dri$ rosem>y1 & t !re is no safety 9 lean+ on !m1 = if !y are press$ by contradictions or evil speak+ !y break d[n4 ,& s ,i "k by exp]i5ce t ! only way n to fall is to cl+ to ! cross1 & put our tru/ 9 ,him :o 0 nail$ !reto4 ,i f9d ,him a real ,fri5d1 & ) ,him ,i f9d myself end[$ ) su* might t1 ,god nev] fail+ me1 ,i ?9k ,i %\ld be able to )/& ! :ole _w if x 7 aga9/ me4 #h4 ,hav+ a cle> k ( ?is tru?1 ,i us$ to be v fond ( be+ lov$ by o!rs2 n[ ,i d n c>e = t1 yea1 r1 _! love seems to we>y me 9 "s measure1 except+ !irs :o take c>e ( my s\l1 or !irs to :om ,i ?9k ,i d good4 ,( ! =m] ,i wi% to be lov$1 9 ord] t !y may be> ) me2 & ( ! latt]1 t !y may be m incl9$ to believe me :5 ,i tell !m t all is vanity4 #i4 ,9 ! v griev\s trials1 p]secutions1 & contradictions ( ^! mon?s1 #d ,god gave me great c\rage2 & ! m griev\s !y 71 ! great] ! c\rage1 )\t we>9ess 9 suff]+4 ,n only _h ,i no ill-feel+ aga9/ ^? :o spoke evil ( me1 b ,i _h1 ,i believe1 conceiv$ a deep] affection = !m4 ,i "k n h[ x 02 c]ta9ly x 0 a gift f ! h& ( our ,"l4 #aj4 ,:5 ,i desire any?+1 ,i am accu/om$ naturally to desire x ) "s vehem5ce2 n[ my desires are s calm1 t ,i d n ev5 feel t ,i am pleas$ :5 ,i see !m fulfill$4 ,sorr[ & joy1 except+ 9 t :i* relates to pray]1 are s mod]at$1 t ,i seem to be )\t s5se1 & 9 t /ate ,i rema9 = "s days4 #aa4 ,! vehem5t long+s to d p5ance :i* come1 & h come1 ^u me are great2 & if ,i d any p5ance1 ,i feel x to be s slight 9 comp>ison ) t long+1 t ,i reg>d x sometimes1 & almo/ always1 z a special consolation2 h[ev]1 ,i d b little1 because ( my great weakness4 #ab4 ,x is a v great pa9 to me v (t51 & at ?is mom5t mo/ griev\s1 t ,i mu/ take food1 p>ticul>ly if ,i am 9 pray]4 ,x mu/ be v great1 = x makes me weep mu*1 & speak ! language ( affliction1 almo/ )\t be+ aw>e ( x1 & t is :at ,i am n 9 ! habit ( do+1 = ,i d n rememb] t ,i ev] did s 9 ! v heavie/ trials ( my life3 ,i am n a woman 9 ^! ?+s1 = ,i h a h>d he>t4 #ac4 ,i feel 9 myself a v e>ne/ desire1 m s ?an usual1 t ,god may f9d ^? :o w s]ve ,him1 p>ticul>ly le>n$ m51 9 all deta*m5t1 & :o w n cleave to any?+ ( ?is _w1 = ,i see x is all a mock]y2 = :5 ,i see ! great ne$s ( ! ,*ur*1 ,i look ^u x z a mock]y to be di/ress$ ab\t aught else4 ,i d no?+ b pray to ,god = su* m51 because ,i see t "o p]son1 :o is :olly p]fect 9 ! true f]v\r ( ! love ( ,god1 w d m good ?an _m :o are lukew>m4 #ad4 ,9 matt]s conc]n+ ! fai?1 my c\rage seems to me mu* great]4 ,i ?9k ,i c\ld g =? alone by myself aga9/ ! ,lu!rans1 & conv9ce !m ( _! errors4 ,i feel v ke5ly ! loss ( s _m s\ls4 ,i see _m p]sons mak+ great progress2 ,i see cle>ly x 0 ! pleasure ( ,god t su* progress %\ld h be5 help$ by me2 & ,i p]ceive t my s\l1 ( ,8 goodness1 gr[s daily m & m 9 ,8 love4 #ae4 ,i ?9k ,i c\ld n be l$ away by va+lory1 ev5 if ,i s]i\sly tri$1 & ,i d n see h[ ,i c\ld imag9e any "o ( my virtues to be m9e1 = x is n long s9ce ,i 0 = _m ye>s )\t any at all2 & n[ s f> z ,i am conc]n$1 ,i d no?+ b receive graces1 )\t r5d]+ any s]vice 9 return1 be+ ! mo/ wor?less creature 9 ! _w4 ,& s x is t ,i consid] at times h[ all1 except myself1 make progress2 ,i am good = no?+ 9 myself4 ,?is is n humility only1 b ! simple tru?2 & ! k ( my be+ s wor?less makes me sometimes ?9k ) fe> t ,i mu/ be "u "s delusion4 ,?us ,i see cle>ly t all my ga9 has come ?r\gh ! revelations & ! raptures1 9 :i* ,i am no?+ myself1 & d no m to effect !m ?an ! canvas does = ! picture pa9t$ on x4 ,?is makes me feel secure & be at re/2 & ,i place myself 9 ! h&s ( ,god1 & tru/ my desires2 = ,i "k = c]ta9 t my desires are to die = ,him1 & to lose all ease1 & t :atev] may happ54 #af4 ,!re are days :]e9 ,i rememb] times )\t numb] ! words ( ,/4 ,paul1 #e--?\gh c]ta9ly !y are n true ( me1--t ,i h nei!r life1 nor spee*1 nor w ( my own1 b t !re is ,"o 9 me by :om ,i am direct$ & made /rong2 & ,i am1 z x 71 beside myself1 & ?us life is a v griev\s burd5 to me4 ,& ! greate/ oblation ,i make to ,god1 z ! highe/ s]vice on my "p1 is t ,i1 :5 ,i feel x s pa9fully to be abs5t f ,him1 am will+ to live on = ! love ( ,him4 ,i w\ld h my life also full ( great tribulations & p]secutions2 n[ t ,i am unpr(itable1 ,i %\ld l to suff]2 & ,i w\ld endure all ! tribulations 9 ! _w to ga9 ev] s little m m]it--,i mean1 by a m p]fect do+ ( ,8 w4 #ag4 ,ev]y?+ t ,i h le>nt 9 pray]1 ?\gh x may be two ye>s previ\sly1 ,i h se5 fulfill$4 ,:at ,i see & und]/& ( ! gr&eurs ( ,god1 & ( ! way ,he has %[n !m1 is s high1 t ,i sc>cely ev] beg9 to ?9k ( !m b my und]/&+ fails me1--= ,i am z "o t sees ?+s f> high] ?an ,i c und]/&1--& ,i become recollect$4 #ah4 ,god s keeps me f (f5d+ ,him1 t ,i am v]ily amaz$ at times4 ,i ?9k ,i disc]n ! great c>e ,he takes ( me1 )\t my tak+ sc>cely any c>e at all1 be+ z ,i 01 be=e ^! ?+s happ5$ to me1 a sea ( wick$ness & s9s1 & )\t a ?\ght t ,i 0 mi/ress en\gh ( myself to leave !m undone4 ,& ! reason :y ,i w\ld h ?is kn[n is t ! great p[] ( ,god might be made manife/4 ,unto ,him be praise = ev] & ev]6 ,am54 ,jesus4 ,?is ,relation "h set =?1 n 9 my h&writ+1 is "o t ,i gave to my confessor1 & :i* he ) 8 own h& copi$1 )\t add+ or dim9i%+ a ^w4 ,he 0 a mo/ spiritual man & a !ologian3 ,i discuss$ ! /ate ( my s\l ) him1 & he ) o!r le>n$ m51 among :om 0 ,fa!r ,mancio4 #f ,!y f\nd no?+ 9 x t is n 9 p]fect agreem5t ) ! holy writ+s4 ,?is makes me calm n[1 ?\gh1 :ile ,god is lead+ me by ?is way1 ,i feel t x is necess>y = me to put no tru/ :atev] 9 myself4 ,& s ,i h always done1 ?\gh x is pa9ful en\gh4 ,y1 my fa!r1 w be c>eful t all ?is goes "u ! seal ( confession1 accord+ to my reque/4 #a4 ,address$1 x is believ$1 to h] confessor1 ,f4 ,p$ro ,ibaez4 ,?is ,relation corresponds ) *4 xxxiv4 ( ! ,life 7,de la ,fu5te74 #b4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxvii4 #c4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxxi4 #ae4 #d4 ,! ,sa9t is suppos$ to ref] to ! tr\bles %e endur$ dur+ ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph4 #e4 ,gal4 ii4 #bj3 ,vivo autem1 jam non ego2 vivit v]o 9 me ,*ri/us4 #f4 ,a celebrat$ ,dom9ican1 pr(essor ( !ology 9 ,salamanca 7,b\ix74 ,relation ,,iii4 ,( ,v>i\s ,graces ,grant$ to ! ,sa9t f ! ,ye> #aefh to #aega ,inclusive4 #a4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 ! mona/]y ( ,tol$o1 & "s p 7 advis+ me n to all[ any b noble p]sons to be buri$ !re1 #a our ,"l said to me3 ,?\ wilt be v inconsi/5t1 ,my daught]1 if ?\ reg>de/ ! laws ( ! _w4 ,look at ,me1 poor & despis$ ( m53 are ! great p ( ! _w likely to be great 9 ,my eyes8 or is x desc5t or virtue t is to make y e/eem$8 #b4 ,aft] ,communion1 ! second day ( ,l5t1 9 ,/4 ,joseph ( ,malagon1 our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/ appe>$ to me 9 an imag9>y vision1 z ,he is ,i wont to d2 & :5 ,i 0 look+ ^u ,him ,i saw t ,he _h on ,8 head1 in/ead ( ! cr[n ( ?orns1 a cr[n ( great spl5d\r1 ov] ! "p :]e ! w\nds ( t cr[n mu/ h be54 ,& z ,i h a great devotion to ! cr[n+ ) ?orns1 ,i 0 exce$+ly consol$1 & began to ?9k h[ great ! pa9 mu/ h be5 because ( ! _m w\nds1 & to be sorr[ful4 ,our ,"l told me n to be sad because ( ^? w\nds1 b = ! _m w\nds :i* m5 inflict ^u ,him n[4 ,i ask$ ,him :at ,i c\ld d by way ( rep>ation2 = ,i 0 resolv$ to d any?+4 ,he repli$3 ,?is is n ! "t = re/2 t ,i mu/ ha/5 on ! f\ndations1 = ,he w\ld take ,8 re/ ) ! s\ls :i* ent]$ ! mona/]ies2 t ,i mu/ admit all :o (f]$ !mselves1 because !re 7 _m s\ls t did n s]ve ,him because !y _h no place :]e9 to d x2 t ^? mona/]ies :i* 7 to be f\nd$ 9 small t[ns %\ld be l ?is2 t ! m]it ( ^? 9 !m w\ld be z great1 if !y only desir$ to d t :i* 0 done 9 ! o!r h\ses2 t ,i mu/ contrive to put !m all "u ! jurisdiction ( "o sup]ior1 #b & take c>e t anxieties ab\t means ( bodily ma9t5ance did n de/roy int]ior peace1 = ,he w\ld help u1 s t we %\ld nev] be 9 want ( food4 ,especial c>e 0 to be _h ( ! sick si/]s2 ! prioress :o did n provide = & com=t ! sick 0 l ! fri5ds ( ,job3 ,he s5t !m sickness = ! good ( _! s\ls1 & c>eless sup]iors risk$ ! pati5ce ( _! nuns4 ,i 0 to write ! hi/ory ( ! f\ndation ( ! mona/]ies4 ,i 0 ?9k+ h[ !re 0 no?+ to write ab\t 9 ref]5ce to ! f\ndation ( ,m$9a1 :5 ,he ask$ me1 :at m did ,i want to see ?an t ! f\ndation !re 0 miracul\s8 ,by ?is ,he meant to say t ,he alone _h done x1 :5 x seem$ impossible4 #c ,i resolv$ to execute ,8 comm&s4 #c4 ,our ,"l told me some?+ ,i 0 to tell ano!r1 & z ,i 0 consid]+ h[ ,i did n und]/& x at all1--?\gh ,i pray$ to ,him1 & 0 ?9k+ x might be f ,satan1--,he said to me t x 0 n1 & t ,he ,himself w\ld w>n me :5 ! "t came4 #d4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 ?9k+ h[ mu* m purely !y live :o )draw !mselves f all bus9ess1 & h[ ill x goes ) me1 & h[ _m faults ,i mu/ be guilty (1 :5 ,i h bus9ess to transact1 ,i he>d ?is3 ,x _c be o!rwise1 ,my daught]2 b /rive ?\ always aft] a good int5tion 9 all ?+s1 & deta*m5t2 lift up ?9e eyes to ,me1 & see t all ?9e actions may resemble ,m9e4 #e4 ,?9k+ h[ x 0 t ,i sc>cely ev] fell into a trance ( late 9 public1 ,i he>d ?is3 ,x is n necess>y n[2 ?\ art suffici5tly e/eem$ = ,my purpose2 we are consid]+ ! weakness ( ! wick$4 #f4 ,"o ,tuesday aft] ! ,asc5sion1 #d hav+ pray$ = a:ile aft] ,communion 9 great di/ress1 because ,i 0 s di/ract$ t ,i c\ld fix my m9d on no?+1 ,i compla9$ ( our poor nature to our ,"l4 ,! fire began to k9dle 9 my s\l1 & ,i saw1 z x seem$ to me1 ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity #e di/9ctly pres5t 9 an intellectual vision1 :]eby my s\l und]/ood ?r\gh a c]ta9 repres5tation1 z a figure ( ! tru?1 s f> z my dulness c\ld und]/&1 h[ ,god is ,?ree & ,"o2 & ?us x seem$ to me t all ! ,?ree ,p]sons spoke to me1 t ,!y 7 di/9ctly pres5t 9 my s\l1 say+ unto me t f t day =? ,i %\ld see t my s\l _h gr[n bett] 9 ?ree ways1 & t ea* "o ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons _h be/[$ on me a di/9ct grace1--9 *>ity1 9 suff]+ joyfully1 9 a s5se ( t *>ity 9 my s\l1 accompani$ ) f]v\r4 ,i le>nt ! mean+ ( ^? words ( our ,"l1 t ! ,?ree ,div9e ,p]sons w dwell 9 ! s\l t is 9 a /ate ( grace4 #f ,aft]w>ds giv+ ?anks to our ,"l = s great a m]cy1 & f9d+ myself utt]ly unwor?y ( x1 ,i ask$ ,8 ,maje/y ) great e>ne/ness h[ x 0 t ,he1 aft] %[+ su* m]cies to me1 let me g out ( ,8 h&1 & all[$ me to become s wick$2 = on ! previ\s day ,i _h be5 9 great di/ress on acc\nt ( my s9s1 :i* ,i _h set be=e me4 ,i saw cle>ly !n h[ mu* our ,"l on ,8 "p _h done1 ev] s9ce my infancy1 to draw me to ,himself by means mo/ effectual1 & yet1 t all _h fail$4 ,!n ,i _h a cle> p]ception ( ! surpass+ love ( ,god = u1 9 t ,he =gives u all ?is :5 we turn to ,him1 & = me m ?an = any o!r1 = _m reasons4 ,! vision ( ! ,?ree ,div9e ,p]sons--"o ,god--made s pr(\nd an impression on my s\l1 t if x _h cont9u$ x w\ld h be5 impossible = me n to be recollect$ 9 s div9e a company4 ,:at ,i saw & he>d besides is beyond my p[] to describe4 #g4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 ab\t to communicate1--x 0 %ortly be=e ,i _h ?is vision1--! ,ho/ be+ /ill 9 ! ciborium1 = ,x _h n yet be5 giv5 me1 ,i saw some?+ l a dove1 :i* mov$ its w+s ) a s\nd4 ,x di/urb$ me s mu*1 & s c>ri$ me away out ( myself1 t x 0 ) ! utmo/ difficulty ,i receiv$ ! ,ho/4 ,all ?is took place 9 ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila4 ,x 0 ,fa!r ,francis ,salc$o :o 0 giv+ me ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t4 ,he>+ ,mass ano!r day1 ,i saw our ,"l glori\s 9 ! ,ho/2 ,he said to me t 8 sacrifice 0 acceptable unto ,him4 #h4 ,i he>d ?is once3 ,! "t w come :5 _m miracles w be wr\ght 9 ?is *ur*2 x w be call$ ! holy *ur*4 ,x 0 9 ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila1 9 ! ye> #aega4 #i4 ,i reta9 to ?is day1 :i* is ! ,commemoration ( ,/4 ,paul1 ! pres5ce ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons ( :i* ,i spoke 9 ! beg9n+2 #g !y are pres5t almo/ cont9ually 9 my s\l4 ,i1 be+ accu/om$ to ! pres5ce ( ,jesus ,*ri/ only1 always ?\ght t ! vision ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons 0 9 "s degree a h9drance1 ?\gh ,i "k ! ,?ree ,p]sons are b ,"o ,god4 ,to-day1 :ile ?9k+ ( ?is1 our ,"l said to me t ,i 0 wrong 9 imag9+ t ^? ?+s :i* are peculi> to ! s\l c be repres5t$ by ^? ( ! body2 ,i 0 to und]/& t !y 7 v diff]5t1 & t ! s\l _h a capacity = great fruition4 ,x seem$ to me z if ?is 7 %[n to me ?us3 z wat] p5etrates & is drunk 9 by ! sponge1 s1 x seem$ to me1 did ! ,div9ity fill my s\l1 :i* 9 a c]ta9 s5se _h ! fruition & possession ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons4 ,& ,i he>d ,him say also3 ,lab\r ?\ n to hold ,me )9 ?yself enclos$1 b enclose ?\ ?yself )9 ,me4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i saw ! ,?ree ,p]sons )9 my s\l1 & communicat+ ,!mselves to all creatures abundantly )\t ceas+ to be ) me4 #aj4 ,a few days aft] ?is1 ?9k+ :e!r !y 7 "r :o disapprov$ ( my go+ out to make new f\ndations1 & :e!r x w\ld n be bett] = me if ,i occupi$ myself always ) pray]1 ,i he>d ?is3 ,dur+ ?is life1 ! true ga9 consi/s n 9 /riv+ aft] great] joy 9 ,me1 b 9 do+ ,my w4 ,x seem$ to me1 consid]+ :at ,/4 ,paul says ab\t wom51 h[ !y %\ld /ay at home1 #h--p rem9d$ me lately ( ?is1 &1 inde$1 ,i _h he>d x be=e1--x might be ! w ( ,god ,i %\ld d s too4 ,he said to me3 ,tell !m !y are n to foll[ "o "p ( ! ,scripture by itself1 )\t look+ to ! o!r p>ts also2 p]haps1 if !y c\ld1 !y w\ld l to tie ,my h&s4 #aa4 ,"o day aft] ! octave ( ! ,visitation1 9 "o ( ! h]mitages ( ,m\nt ,c>mel1 pray+ to ,god = "o ( my bro!rs1 ,i said to our ,"l1--,i d n "k :e!r x 0 only 9 ?\ght or n1 = my bro!r 0 9 a place :]e 8 salvation 0 9 p]il1--,if ,i saw "o ( ,?y bre?r51 ,o ,"l1 9 ?is dang]1 :at w\ld ,i n d to help him6 ,x seem$ to me !re 0 no?+ t ,i c\ld d :i* ,i w\ld n h done4 ,our ,"l said to me3 ,o daught]1 daught]6 ! nuns ( ! ,inc>nation are ?y si/]s1 & ?\ holde/ back4 ,take c\rage1 !n4 ,behold1 ?is is :at ,i w\ld h !e d3 x is n s difficult z x seems2 & ?\gh x seems to !e t by go+ ?i!r ?y f\ndations w be ru9$1 yet x is by ?y go+ t bo? ^! & ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation w ga92 resi/ n1 = ,my p[] is great4 #i #ab4 ,once1 :5 ?9k+ ( ! great p5ance practis$ by ,da ,catal9a de ,c>dona1 #aj & h[ ,i might h done m1 consid]+ ! desires :i* our ,"l _h giv5 me at times1 if x _h n be5 = my ob$i5ce to my confessors1 ,i ask$ myself :e!r x w\ld n be z well if ,i disobey$ !m = ! future 9 ?is matt]4 ,our ,"l said to me3 ,no1 ,my daught]2 ?\ art on ! s\nd & safe road4 ,see/ ?\ all h] p5ance8 ,i ?9k m ( ?y ob$i5ce4 #ac4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 ,he %[$ me by a c]ta9 k9d ( intellectual vision ! condition ( a s\l 9 a /ate ( grace3 9 its company ,i saw by intellectual vision ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity1 f ^: companion%ip ! s\l d]iv$ a p[] :i* 0 a dom9ion ov] ! :ole e>?4 ,i und]/ood ! mean+ ( ^? words 9 ! ,canticle3 ,let my ,belov$ come into ,8 g>d5 & eat4 #aa ,he %[$ me also ! condition ( a s\l 9 s91 utt]ly p[]less1 l a p]son ti$ & b\nd & bl9dfold1 :o1 ?\gh anxi\s to see1 yet _c1 be+ unable to walk or to he>1 & 9 griev\s obscurity4 ,i 0 s exce$+ly sorry = su* s\ls1 t1 to deliv] only "o1 any tr\ble seem$ to me light4 ,i ?\ght x impossible = any "o :o saw ?is z ,i saw x1--& ,i c h>dly expla9 x1--will+ly to =feit s great a good or cont9ue 9 s evil a /ate4 #ad4 ,"o day1 9 v great di/ress ab\t ! /ate ( ! ,ord]1 & ca/+ ab\t = means to succ\r x1 our ,"l said to me3 ,d ?\ :at is 9 ?y p[]1 & leave ,me to ,myself1 & be n disquiet$ by any?+2 rejoice 9 ! bless+ ?\ ha/ receiv$1 = x is a v great "o4 ,my ,fa!r is pleas$ ) !e1 & ! ,holy ,gho/ loves !e4 #ae4 ,?\ art ev] desir+ trials1 &1 on ! o!r h&1 decl9+ !m4 ,i ord] ?+s accord+ to :at ,i "k ?y w is1 & n accord+ to ?y s5suality & weakness4 ,be /rong1 = ?\ see/ h[ ,i help !e2 ,i h wi%$ !e to ga9 ?is cr[n4 ,?\ %alt see ! ,ord] ( ! ,virg9 greatly advanc$ 9 ?y days4 ,i he>d ?is f our ,"l ab\t ! middle ( ,febru>y1 #aega4 #af4 ,on ! eve ( ,/4 ,seba/ian1 ! fir/ ye> ( my be+ 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation #ab z prioress !re1 at ! beg9n+ ( ! ,salve1 ,i saw ! ,"m ( ,god desc5d ) a multitude ( angels to ! /all ( ! prioress1 :]e ! image ( our ,lady is1 & sit !re h]self4 ,i ?9k ,i did n see ! image !n1 b only our ,lady4 ,%e seem$ to be l t picture ( h] :i* ! ,c\ntess #ac gave me2 b ,i _h no "t to asc]ta9 ?is1 because ,i fell at once into a trance4 ,multitudes ( angels seem$ to me to be above ! canopies ( ! /alls1 & on ! desks 9 front ( !m2 b ,i saw no bodily =ms1 = ! vision 0 intellectual4 ,%e rema9$ !re dur+ ! ,salve1 & said to me3 ,?\ ha/ done well to place me "h2 ,i w be pres5t :5 ! si/]s s+ ! praises ( my ,son1 & w (f] !m to ,him4 ,aft] ?is ,i rema9$ 9 t pray] :i* ,i /ill practise1 & :i* is t ( keep+ my s\l 9 ! company ( ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity2 & x seem$ to me t ! ,p]son ( ! ,fa!r drew me to ,himself1 & spoke to me mo/ com=table words4 ,among !m 7 ^!1 :ile %[+ h[ ,he lov$ me3 ,i give !e ,my ,son1 & ! ,holy ,gho/1 & ! ,virg93 :at can/ ?\ give ,me8 #ad #ag4 ,on ! octave ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 our ,"l 0 graci\s unto me1 & gave me hopes ( ?is h\se1 #ae t x w\ld g on improv+--,i mean ! s\ls t are 9 x4 #ah4 ,on ! fea/ ( ! ,magdal5e1 our ,"l aga9 confirm$ a grace ,i _h receiv$ 9 ,tol$o1 elect+ me1 9 ! abs5ce ( a c]ta9 p]son1 9 h] place4 #ai4 ,9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 & 9 ! second ye> ( my be+ prioress !re1 on ! octave ( ,/4 ,m>t91 :5 ,i 0 go+ to ,communion1 ! ,fa!r1 ,fr4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 #af--;divid$ ! ,ho/ betwe5 me & ano!r si/]4 ,i ?\ght x 0 done1 n because !re 0 any want ( ,ho/s1 b t he wi%$ to mortify me because ,i _h told him h[ mu* ,i delight$ 9 ,ho/s ( a l>ge size4 ,yet ,i 0 n ignorant t ! size ( ! ,ho/ is ( no mom5t2 = ,i knew t our ,"l is :ole & entire 9 ! smalle/ p>ticle4 ,8 ,maje/y said to me3 ,h no fe>1 ,my daught]2 = no "o w be able to sep>ate !e f ,me1--giv+ me to und]/& t ! size ( ! ,ho/ matt]$ n4 #bj4 ,!n appe>+ to me1 z on o!r occasions1 9 an imag9>y vision1 mo/ int]iorly1 ,he held out ,8 "r h& & said3 ,behold ?is nail6 x is ! pl$ge ( ?y be+ ,my bride f ?is day =?4 ,until n[ ?\ had/ n m]it$ x2 f h5ce=? ?\ %alt reg>d ,my hon\r1 n only z ( "o :o is ,?y ,creator1 ,k+1 & ,god1 b z ?9e1 ,my v]itable bride2 ,my hon\r is ?9e1 & ?9e is ,m9e4 ,?is grace _h su* an effect on me1 t ,i c\ld n conta9 myself3 ,i became z "o t is fooli%1 & said to our ,"l3 ,ei!r ennoble my vil5ess or cease to be/[ su* m]cies on me1 = c]ta9ly ,i d n ?9k t nature c be> !m4 ,i rema9$ ?us ! :ole day1 z "o utt]ly beside h]self4 ,aft]w>ds ,i became consci\s ( great progress1 & great] %ame & di/ress to see t ,i did no?+ 9 return = graces s great4 #ba4 ,our ,"l said ?is to me "o day3 ,?9ke/ ?\1 ,my daught]1 t m]it+ lies 9 fruition8 ,no2 m]it lies only 9 do+1 9 suff]+1 & 9 lov+4 ,y nev] he>d t ,/4 ,paul _h ! fruition ( heav5ly joys m ?an once2 :ile he 0 (t5 9 suff]+s4 #ag ,?\ see/ h[ ,my :ole life 0 full ( dolors1 & only on ,m\nt ,tabor ha/ ?\ he>d ( ,me 9 glory4 #ah ,d n suppose1 :5 ?\ see/ ,my ,"m hold ,me 9 h] arms1 t %e _h t joy unmix$ ) heavy sorr[s4 ,f ! "t t ,simeon spoke to h]1 ,my ,fa!r made h] see 9 cle> light all ,i _h to suff]4 ,! gr& ,sa9ts ( ! des]t1 z !y 7 l$ by ,god1 s also did !y und]go heavy p5ances2 besides1 !y wag$ s]i\s w> ) ! devil & ) !mselves1 & mu* ( _! "t pass$ away )\t any spiritual consolation :atev]4 ,believe ,me1 ,my daught]1 8 trials are ! heavie/ :om ,my ,fa!r loves mo/2 trials are ! measure ( ,8 love4 ,h[ c ,i %[ ,my love = !e bett] ?an by desir+ = !e :at ,i desir$ = ,myself8 ,consid] ,my w\nds2 ?y pa9s w nev] rea* to !m4 ,?is is ! way ( tru?2 ?us %alt ?\ help ,me to weep ov] ! ru9 ( ^? :o are 9 ! _w1 = ?\ kn[e/ h[ all _! desires1 anxieties1 & ?\ghts t5d ! o!r way4 ,:5 ,i began my pray] t day1 my heada*e 0 s viol5t t ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld n possibly g on4 ,our ,"l said to me3 ,behold n[1 ! rew>d ( suff]+4 ,z ?\1 on acc\nt ( ?y heal?1 w]t unable to speak to ,me1 ,i spoke to !e & com=t$ !e4 ,c]ta9ly1 s x 02 = ! "t ( my recollection la/$ ab\t an h\r & a half1 m or less4 ,x 0 !n t ,he spoke to me ! words ,i h j relat$1 toge!r ) all ! o!rs4 ,i 0 n able to di/ract myself1 nei!r knew ,i :]e ,i 02 my joy 0 s great z to be indescribable2 my heada*e 0 gone1 & ,i 0 amaz$1 & ,i _h a long+ = suff]+4 ,he also told me to keep 9 m9d ! words ,he said to ,8 ,apo/les3 ,! s]vant is n great] ?an 8 ,"l4 #ai #a4 ,alonzo ,ramirez wi%$ to h ! "r ( burial 9 ! new mona/]y1 b ! nobles ( ,tol$o look$ on 8 reque/ z unreasonable4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *s4 xv4 & xvi4 #b4 ,see ,way ( ,p]fection1 *4 viii42 b *4 v4 ( ! previ\s editions4 #c4 ,see ,book ( ! ,f\ndations1 *4 iii4 #d4 ,9 ! copy kept 9 ,tol$o1 ! day is ,tuesday aft] ! ,assumption 7,de la ,fu5te74 #e4 ,*4 xxvii4 #aj4 #f4 ,/4 ,john xiv4 #bc3 ,ad eum v5iemus1 et mansionem apud eum faciemus4 #g4 ,see #f4 #h4 ,titus ii4 #e3 ,sobrias1 domus curam hab5tes4 #i4 ,?is took place 9 #aega1 :5 ! ,sa9t _h be5 appo9t$ prioress ( ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation at ,avila2 ! v h\se %e _h left 9 ord] to f\nd t ( ,/4 ,joseph1 to keep ! rule 9 its integrity4 #aj4 ,see ,book ( ! ,f\ndations1 *4 xxviii4 #aa4 ,cant4 v4 #a3 ,v5iat dilectus meus 9 hortum suum1 et com$at4 #ab4 ,a4,d4 #aegb4 #ac4 ,m>ia de ,velasco y ,aragon1 ,c\ntess ( ,osorno 7,rib]a1 lib4 iii4 c4 #a74 #ad4 ,see ,relation iv4 #b4 #ae4 ,! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 ,avila 7,de la ,fu5te74 #af4 ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 at ! in/ance ( ! ,sa9t1 0 s5t to ,avila1 ) ano!r fa!r ( ! re=m$ ,c>melites1 to be confessor ( ! nuns ( ! ,inc>nation1 :o !n dislik$ ! obs]vance ( ! primitive rule4 #ag4 #b ,cor4 xi4 #bg3 ,9 labore et rumna1 9 vigiliis multis4 #ah4 ,/4 ,matt4 xvii4 #b3 ,et transfiguratus e/ ante eos4 #ai4 ,/4 ,john xiii4 #af3 ,non e/ s]vus major dom9o suo4 ,relation ,,iv4 ,( ! ,graces ! ,sa9t ,receiv$ 9 ,salamanca at ! ,end ( ,l5t1 #aega4 #a4 ,i f\nd myself ! :ole ( ye/]day 9 great desolation1 &1 except at ,communion1 did n feel t x 0 ! day ( ! ,resurrection4 ,la/ night1 be+ ) ! community1 ,i he>d "o #a ( !m s++ h[ h>d x is to be liv+ away f ,god4 ,z ,i 0 !n suff]+1 ! effect ( t s++ on me 0 su* t a numbness began 9 my h&s1 & no ef=ts ( m9e c\ld h9d] x2 b z ,i g out ( myself 9 raptures ( joy1 s !n my s\l 0 ?r[n into a trance ?r\gh ! excessive pa91 & rema9$ entranc$2 & until ?is day ,i _h n felt ?is4 ,a few days previ\sly ,i ?\ght t ! vehem5t impulses 7 n s great z !y us$ to be1 & n[ x seems to be t ! reason is :at ,i h describ$2 ,i "k n if x is s4 ,hi!rto ! pa9 _h n gone s f> z to make me beside myself2 & z x is s un5durable1 & z ,i reta9$ ! control ( my s5ses1 x made me utt] l\d cries beyond my p[] to re/ra94 ,n[ t x has gr[n1 x has rea*$ ?is po9t ( pi]c+ me2 & ,i und]/& m ( t pi]c+ :i* our ,lady suff]$2 = until to-day1 z ,i h j said1 ,i nev] knew :at t pi]c+ 04 ,my body 0 s bruis$1 t ,i suff] ev5 n[ :5 ,i am writ+ ?is2 = my h&s are z if ! jo9ts 7 loos$1 & 9 pa94 #b ,y1 my fa!r1 w tell me :5 y see me :e!r ?is trance be ! effect ( suff]+1 or :e!r ,i felt x1 or :e!r ,i am deceiv$4 #b4 ,i 0 9 ?is great pa9 till ?is morn+2 &1 be+ 9 pray]1 ,i fell into a pr(\nd trance2 & x seem$ to me t our ,"l _h tak5 me up 9 _s to ,8 ,fa!r1 & said to ,him3 ,:om ,?\ ha/ giv5 to ,me1 ,i give to ,!e2 #c & ,he seem$ to draw me ne> to ,himself4 ,?is is n an imag9>y vision1 b "o mo/ c]ta91 & s spiritually subtile t x _c be expla9$4 ,he spoke c]ta9 words to me :i* ,i d n rememb]4 ,"s ( !m ref]r$ to ,8 grace1 :i* ,he be/[s on me4 ,he kept me by ,him = "s "t4 #c4 ,z y1 my fa!r1 w5t away ye/]day s soon1 & ,i consid] ! _m affairs :i* deta9 y1 s t x is impossible = me to h rec\rse to y = com=t ev5 :5 necess>y1--= ,i see t y\r occupations are mo/ urg5t1--,i 0 = "s "t 9 pa9 & sadness4 ,z ,i 0 !n 9 desolation1--z ,i said be=e1--t help$ me2 & z no?+ on e>?1 ,i ?\ght1 _h any attractions = me1 ,i _h a scruple1 & fe>$ ,i 0 beg9n+ to lose t lib]ty4 ,?is took place la/ night2 & to-day our ,"l answ]$ my d\bt1 & said to me t ,i 0 n to be surpris$2 = z m5 seek = companions ) :om !y may speak ( _! s5sual satisfactions1 s ! s\l--:5 !re is any "o :o und]/&s x--seeks ^? to :om x may communicate its pleasures & its pa9s1 & is sad & m\rns :5 x c f9d none4 ,he said to me3 ,?\ art prosp]\s n[1 & ?y works please ,me4 ,z ,he rema9$ ) me = "s "t1 ,i rememb]$ t ,i _h told y1 my fa!r1 t ^! visions pass quickly away2 ,he said to me t !re 0 a diff]5ce betwe5 ^! & ! imag9>y visions1 & t !re c\ld n be an inv>iable law conc]n+ ! graces ,he be/[$ on u2 = x 0 exp$i5t to give !m n[ 9 "o way1 n[ 9 ano!r4 #d4 ,aft] ,communion1 ,i saw our ,"l mo/ di/9ctly close beside me2 & ,he began to com=t me ) great sweetness1 & said to me1 among o!r ?+s3 ,?\ beholde/ ,me pres5t1 ,my daught]1--x is ,i4 ,%[ me ?y h&s4 ,& to me ,he seem$ to take !m & to put !m to ,8 side1 & said3 ,behold ,my w\nds2 ?\ art n )\t ,me4 ,f9i% ! %ort c\rse ( ?y life4 ,by "s ?+s ,he said to me1 ,i und]/ood t1 aft] ,8 ,asc5sion1 ,he nev] came d[n to ! e>? except 9 ! mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t to communicate ,himself to any "o4 ,he said to me1 t :5 ,he rose aga9 ,he %[$ ,himself to our ,lady1 because %e 0 9 great tr\ble2 = sorr[ _h s pi]c$ h] s\l t %e did n ev5 recov] h]self at once 9 ord] to h ! fruition ( t joy4 ,by ?is ,i saw h[ diff]5t 0 my pi]c+4 #d ,b :at mu/ t ( ! ,virg9 h be58 ,he rema9$ long ) h] !n because x 0 necess>y to console h]4 #e4 ,on ,palm ,sunday1 at ,communion1 ,i 0 9 a deep trance1--s mu* s1 t ,i 0 n able ev5 to swall[ ! ,ho/2 &1 /ill hav+ ,x 9 my m\?1 :5 ,i _h come a little to myself1 ,i v]ily believ$ t my m\? 0 all fill$ ) ,blood2 & my face & my :ole body seem$ to be cov]$ ) ,x1 z if our ,"l _h be5 %$d+ ,x at t mom5t4 ,i ?\ght ,x 0 w>m1 & ! sweetness ,i !n felt 0 exce$+ly great2 & our ,"l said to me3 ,daught]1 ,my w is t ,my ,blood %\ld pr(it !e2 & be n ?\ afraid t ,my compassion w fail !e4 ,i %$ ,x 9 mu* suff]+1 &1 z ?\ see/1 ?\ ha/ ! fruition ( ,x 9 great joy4 ,i rew>d !e well = ! pleasure ?\ gave/ me to-day4 ,he said ?is because ,i h be5 9 ! habit ( go+ to ,communion1 if possible1 on ?is day = m ?an ?irty ye>s1 & ( lab\r+ to prep>e my s\l to be ! ho/ ( our ,"l2 = ,i consid]$ ! cruelty ( ! ,jews to be v great1 aft] giv+ ,him s gr& a reception1 9 lett+ ,him g s f> = supp]2 & ,i us$ to picture ,him z rema9+ ) me1 & truly 9 a poor lodg+1 z ,i see n[4 ,& ?us ,i us$ to h su* fooli% ?\ghts--!y mu/ h be5 acceptable to our ,"l1 = ?is 0 "o ( ! visions :i* ,i reg>d z mo/ c]ta92 &1 accord+ly x has be5 a great bless+ to me 9 ! matt] ( ,communion4 #f4 ,previ\s to ?is1 ,i _h be51 ,i believe1 = ?ree days 9 t great pa91 :i* ,i feel sometimes m ?an at o!rs1 because ,i am away f ,god2 & dur+ ^? days x _h be5 v great1 & seem+ly m ?an ,i c\ld be>4 ,be+ ?us exce$+ly we>i$ by x1 ,i saw x 0 late to take my collation1 nor c\ld ,i d s1--= if ,i d n take x a little e>li]1 x occasions great weakness because ( my sickness2 & !n1 do+ viol5ce to myself1 ,i took up "s bread to prep>e = collation1 & on ! in/ant ,*ri/ appe>$1 & seem$ to be break+ ! bread & putt+ x into my m\?4 ,he said to me3 ,eat1 ,my daught]1 & be> x z well z ?\ can/4 ,i condole ) !e 9 ?y suff]+2 b x is good = !e n[4 ,my pa9 0 gone1 & ,i 0 com=t$2 = ,he seem$ to be really ) me !n1 & ! :ole ( ! next day2 & ) ?is my desires 7 !n satisfi$4 ,! ^w condole made me /rong2 = n[ ,i d n ?9k ,i am suff]+ at all4 #a4 ,isabel ( ,jesus1 born 9 ,segovia1 & ^: family "n 0 ,jim5a1 told ,rib]a 7vide lib4 iv4 c4 v47 t %e 0 ! s+]1 be+ !n a novice 9 ,salamanca4 #b4 ,see ,=tress ( ! ,s\l1 vi4 *4 xi4 #c4 ,see ,relation1 iii4 #af4 #d4 ,see above1 #a4 ,relation ,v4 ,obs]vations on ,c]ta9 ,po9ts ( ,spirituality4 #a4 ,:at is x t di/resses !e1 little s9n]8 ,am ,i n ?y ,god8 ,do/ ?\ n see h[ ill ,i am treat$ "h8 ,if ?\ love/ ,me1 :y art ?\ n sorry = ,me8 ,daught]1 light is v diff]5t f d>kness4 ,i am fai?ful2 no "o w be lo/ )\t kn[+ x4 ,he mu/ be deceiv+ himself :o relies on spiritual sweetnesses2 ! true safety lies 9 ! witness ( a good consci5ce4 #a ,b let no "o ?9k t ( himself he c abide 9 ! light1 any m ?an he c h9d] ! natural night f com+ on2 = t dep5ds on ,my grace4 ,! be/ means he c h = reta9+ ! light is ! conviction 9 8 s\l t he c d no?+ ( himself1 & t x comes f ,me2 =1 ev5 if he 7 9 ! light1 ! in/ant ,i )draw1 night w come4 ,true humility is ?is3 ! s\l's kn[+ :at itself c d1 & :at ,i c d4 ,d n neglect to write d[n ! c\nsels ,i give !e1 t ?\ maye/ n =get !m4 ,?\ seeke/ to h ! c\nsels ( m5 9 writ+2 :y1 !n1 ?9ke/ ?\ t ?\ art wa/+ "t 9 writ+ d[n ^? ,i give !e8 ,! "t w come :5 ?\ %alt require !m all4 ,on ,union4 #b4 ,d n suppose1 ,my daught]1 t to be ne> to ,me is union2 = !y :o s9 aga9/ ,me are ne> ,me1 ?\gh !y d n wi% x4 ,nor is union ! joys & com=ts ( union1 #b ?\gh !y be ( ! v highe/ k9d1 & ?\gh !y come f ,me4 ,^! v (t5 are means ( w9n+ s\ls1 ev5 if !y are n 9 a /ate ( grace4 ,:5 ,i he>d ?is1 ,i 0 9 a high degree lift$ up 9 _s4 ,our ,"l %[$ me :at ! _s 01 & :at ! /ate ( ! s\l 0 !n1 & ! mean+ ( ^? words ( ! ,magnificat1 ,exultavit spiritus meus4 ,he %[$ me t ! _s 0 ! high] "p ( ! w4 #c4 ,to return to union2 ,i und]/ood x to be a _s1 pure & rais$ up above all ! ?+s ( e>?1 ) no?+ rema9+ 9 x t w\ld sw]ve f ! w ( ,god1 be+ a _s & a w resign$ to ,8 w1 & 9 deta*m5t f all ?+s1 occupi$ 9 ,god 9 su* a way z to leave no trace ( any love ( self1 or ( any creat$ ?+ :atev]4 #c ,!reupon1 ,i consid]$ t1 if ?is be union1 x comes to ?is1 t1 z my s\l is always abid+ 9 ?is resolution1 we c say ( x t x is always 9 ?is pray] ( union3 & yet x is true t ! union la/s b a v %ort "t4 ,x 0 sugge/$ to me t1 z to liv+ 9 ju/ice1 m]it+ & mak+ progress1 x w be s2 b x _c be said t ! s\l is 9 union z x is :5 9 contemplation2 & ,i ?\ght ,i und]/ood1 yet n by words he>d1 t ! du/ ( our wret*$ness1 faults1 & imp]fections1 :]e9 we bury ourselves1 is s great1 t x is n possible to live 9 su* pur5ess z ! _s is 9 :5 9 union ) ,god1 rais$ up & out ( our wret*$ mis]y4 ,& ,i ?9k1 if x be union to h our w & _s 9 union ) ! w & ,_s ( ,god1 t x is n possible = any "o n 9 a /ate ( grace to atta9 !reto2 & ,i h be5 told s4 ,accord+ly1 ,i believe x is v difficult to "k :5 ! s\l is 9 union2 to h t k is a special grace ( ,god1 because nobody c tell :e!r he is 9 a /ate ( grace or n4 #d #d4 ,y w %[ me 9 writ+1 my fa!r1 :at y ?9k ( ?is1 & h[ ,i am 9 ! wrong1 & s5d me ?is pap] back4 #e4 ,i _h read 9 a book t x 0 an imp]fection to possess pictures well pa9t$1--& ,i w\ld n1 !re=e1 reta9 9 my cell "o t ,i _h2 & also1 be=e ,i _h read ?is1 ,i ?\ght t x 0 pov]ty to possess none1 except ^? made ( pap]1--&1 z ,i read ?is aft]w>ds1 ,i w\ld n h any ( any o!r mat]ial4 ,i le>nt f our ,"l1 :5 ,i 0 n ?9k+ at all ab\t ?is1 :at ,i am go+ to say3 t ?is mortification 0 n "r4 ,:i* is bett]1 pov]ty or *>ity8 ,b z love 0 ! bett]1 :atev] k9dl$ love 9 me1 t ,i mu/ n give up1 nor take away f my nuns2 = ! book spoke ( mu* adorn+ & curi\s devices--n ( pictures4 #e ,:at ,satan 0 do+ among ! ,lu!rans 0 ! tak+ away f !m all ^? means by :i* _! love might be ! m quick5$2 & ?us !y 7 go+ to p]dition4 ,^? :o are loyal to ,me1 ,my daught]1 mu/ n[1 m ?an ev]1 d ! v rev]se ( :at !y d4 ,i und]/ood t ,i 0 "u great obligations to s]ve our ,lady & ,/4 ,joseph1 because1 :5 ,i 0 utt]ly lo/1 ,god1 ?r\gh _! pray]s1 came & sav$ me4 #f4 ,"o day1 aft] ! fea/ ( ,/4 ,mat!w1 #f ,i 0 z is usual ) me1 aft] see+ 9 a vision ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity1 & h[ ,x is pres5t 9 a s\l 9 a /ate ( grace4 #g ,i und]/ood ! my/]y mo/ cle>ly1 9 su* a way t1 aft] a c]ta9 fa%ion & comp>isons1 ,i saw ,x 9 an imag9>y vision4 ,& ?\gh at o!r times ,i h se5 ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity 9 an intellectual vision1 = "s days aft] ! tru? ( x did n re/ ) me1--z x does n[1--,i mean1 s t ,i c\ld dwell ^u x4 ,i see n[ t x is j z le>n$ m5 told me2 & ,i did n und]/& x z ,i d n[1 ?\gh ,i believ$ !m )\t ! lea/ hesitation2 = ,i nev] _h any temptations aga9/ ! fai?4 #g4 ,x seems to u ignorant wom5 t ! ,p]sons ( ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity are all ,?ree1 z we see ,!m pa9t$1 9 "o ,p]son1 aft] ! mann] ( ^? pictures1 :i* repres5t a body ) ?ree faces2 & ?us x causes su* a/oni%m5t 9 u t we look on x z impossible1 & s !re is nobody :o d>es to ?9k ( x2 = ! und]/&+ is p]plex$1 is afraid x may come to d\bt ! tru?1 & t robs u ( a great bless+4 #h4 ,:at ,i h se5 is ?is3 ,?ree di/9ct ,p]sons ea* "o by ,himself visible1 & by ,himself speak+4 #h ,& aft]w>ds ,i h be5 ?9k+ t ! ,son alone took human fle%1 :]eby ?is tru? is kn[n4 ,! ,p]sons love1 communicate1 & "k ,!mselves4 ,!n1 if ea* "o is by ,himself1 h[ c we say t ! ,?ree are "o ,ess5ce1 & s believe8 ,t is a mo/ deep tru?1 & ,i w\ld die = x a ?\s& times4 ,9 ! ,?ree ,p]sons !re is b "o w & "o p[] & "o might2 nei!r c ,"o be )\t ,ano!r3 s t ( all creat$ ?+s !re is b "o sole ,creator4 ,c\ld ! ,son create an ant )\t ! ,fa!r8 ,no2 because ! p[] is all "o4 ,! same is to be said ( ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,?us1 !re is "o ,god ,almighty1 & ! ,?ree ,p]sons are "o ,maje/y4 ,is x possible to love ! ,fa!r )\t lov+ ! ,son & ! ,holy ,gho/8 ,no2 = he :o %all please ,"o ( ! ,?ree pleases ! ,?ree ,p]sons2 & he :o %all (f5d ,"o (f5ds ,all4 ,c ! ,fa!r be )\t ! ,son & )\t ! ,holy ,gho/8 ,no2 = ,!y are "o sub/ance1 & :]e ,"o is !re are ! ,?ree2 = !y _c be divid$4 ,h[1 !n1 is x t we see ! ,?ree ,p]sons di/9ct8 & h[ is x t ! ,son1 n ! ,fa!r1 nor ! ,holy ,gho/1 took human fle%8 ,?is is :at ,i h nev] und]/ood2 !ologians "k x4 ,i "k well t ! ,?ree 7 !re :5 t m>vell\s "w 0 done1 & ,i d n busy myself ) mu* ?9k+ !reon4 ,all my ?9k+ !reon comes at once to ?is3 t ,i see ,god is almighty1 t ,he has done :at ,he w\ld1 & s c d :at ,he w4 ,! less ,i und]/& x1 ! m ,i believe x1 & ! great] ! devotion x excites 9 me4 ,may ,he be bless$ = ev]6 ,am54 #i4 ,if our ,"l _h n be5 s graci\s ) me z ,he has be51 ,i d n ?9k ,i %\ld h _h ! c\rage to d :at has be5 done1 nor /r5g? to und]go ! lab\rs endur$1 ) ! contradictions & ! op9ions ( m54 ,& accord+ly1 s9ce ! beg9n+ ( ! f\ndations1 ,i h lo/ ! fe>s ,i =m]ly _h1 ?9k+ t ,i 0 "u delusions1--& ,i _h a conviction t x 0 ! "w ( ,god3 hav+ ?is1 ,i v5tur$ ^u difficult ?+s1 ?\gh always ) advice & "u ob$i5ce4 ,i see 9 ?is t :5 our ,"l will$ to make a beg9n+ ( ! ,ord]1 & ( ,8 m]cy made use ( me1 ,8 ,maje/y _h to supply all t ,i 0 defici5t 91 :i* 0 ev]y?+1 9 ord] t ! "w might be effect$1 & t ,8 greatness might be ! m cle>ly reveal$ 9 "o s wick$4 #aj4 ,antio*us 0 un5durable to himself1 & to ^? :o 7 ab\t him1 because ( ! /5* ( 8 _m s9s4 #i #aa4 ,confession is = faults & s9s1 & n = virtues1 nor = any?+ ( ! k9d relat+ to pray]4 ,^! ?+s are to be treat$ ( out ( confession ) "o :o und]/&s ! matt]1--& let ! prioress see to ?is2 & ! nun mu/ expla9 ! /raits %e is 91 9 ord] t ! prop] helps may be f\nd = h]2 = ,cassian says t he :o does n "k ! fact1 z well z he :o has nev] se5 or le>nt1 t m5 c swim1 w ?9k1 :5 he sees p ?r[ !mselves into ! riv]1 t !y w all be dr[n$4 #aj #ab4 ,our ,"l w\ld h ,joseph tell ! vision to 8 bre?r51 & h x kn[n1 ?\gh x 0 to co/ ,joseph s mu*4 #ac4 ,h[ ! s\l has a s5se ( fe> :5 ,god is ab\t to be/[ any great grace ^u x2 t s5se is ! wor%ip ( ! _s1 z t ( ! f\r #aa eld]s spok5 ( 9 ,scripture4 #ad4 ,h[1 :5 ! faculties are susp5d$1 x is to be und]/ood t c]ta9 matt]s are sugge/$ to ! s\l1 to be by x recomm5d$ to ,god2 t an angel sugge/s !m1 ( :om x is said 9 ! ,scriptures t he 0 burn+ inc5se & (f]+ up ! pray]s ( ! sa9ts4 #ab #ae4 ,h[ !re are no s9s :]e !re is no k2 & ?us our ,"l did n p]mit ! k+ to s9 ) ! wife ( ,abraham1 = he ?\ght t %e 0 8 si/]1 n 8 wife4 #a4 #b ,cor4 i4 #ab3 ,gloria no/ra hc e/1 te/imonium consci5ti no/r4 #b4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 v4 #c4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 v4 #aj4 #d4 ,eccl4 ix4 #a3 ,nescit homo utrum amore an odio dignus sit4 #e4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 iii4 *4 xxxiv4 #f4 ,! #f1 #g1 & #h are ! ?irte5? lett] ( ! second volume1 ed4 ,doblado4 #g4 ,see ,relation iii4 #ac4 #h4 ,anton4 a ,sancto ,joseph1 9 8 notes on ?is passage1 is anxi\s to save ! ,?omi/ doctr9e t "o ( ! ,div9e ,p]sons _c be se5 )\t ! o!r1 & s he says t ! ,sa9t speaks ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons z %e saw ,!m--n z ,!y are 9 ,!mselves4 #i4 #b ,maccab4 ix4 #aj1 #ab3 ,eum nemo pot]at propt] intol]antiam foetoris port>e1 4 4 4 4 nec ipse jam foetorem suum f]re posset4 #aj4 ,cassian1 ,collat4 vii4 cap4 iv4 p4 #caa3 ,nec enim si quis ign>us nat&i1 sci5s pondus corporis sui f]re aqu>um liquorem non posse1 exp]im5to su volu]it imp]iti def9ire1 nem9em p5itus posse liquidis elem5tis solida c>ne circumdatum su/9]i4 #aa4 ,anton4 a ,sancto ,joseph says t ! ,sa9t meant to write f\r-&-tw5ty1 9 allusion to ,apoc4 iv4 #d4 #ab4 ,apoc4 viii4 #d4 ,relation ,,vi4 ,! ,v[ ( ,ob$i5ce to ,fa!r ,gratian ,:i* ! ,sa9t ,made 9 #aege4 #a4 ,9 ! ye> #aege1 9 ! mon? ( ,april1 :5 ,i 0 f\nd+ ! mona/]y ( ,veas1 ,fra ,j]ome ( ! ,"m ( ,god ,gratian happ5$ to come ?i!r4 #a ,i began to g to confession to him f "t to "t1 ?\gh n look+ ^u him z fill+ ! place ( ! o!r confessors ,i _h1 s z to be :olly direct$ by him4 ,"o day1 :5 ,i 0 tak+ food1 b )\t any int]ior recollection :atev]1 my s\l began to be recollect$ 9 su* a way t ,i ?\ght ,i mu/ fall into a trance2 & ,i _h a vision1 t pass$ away ) ! usual swiftness1 l a meteor4 ,i seem$ to see close beside me ,jesus ,*ri/ our ,"l1 9 ! =m :]e9 ,8 ,maje/y is wont to reveal ,himself1 ) ,f4 ,gratian on ,8 "r4 ,our ,"l took 8 "r h& & m9e1 &1 jo9+ !m toge!r1 said to me t ,he w\ld h me accept him 9 ,8 place = my :ole life1 & t we 7 bo? to h "o m9d 9 all ?+s1 = s x 0 fitt+4 ,i 0 pr(\ndly conv9c$ t ?is 0 ! "w ( ,god1 ?\gh ,i rememb]$ ) regret two ( my confessors :om ,i frequ5t$ 9 turn = a long "t1 & to :om ,i ow$ mu*2 t "o = :om ,i h a great affection especially caus$ a t]rible resi/ance4 ,nev]!less1 n be+ able to p]suade myself t ! vision 0 a delusion1 because x _h a great p[] & influ5ce ov] me1 & also because x 0 said to me on two o!r occasions t ,i 0 n to be afraid1 t ,he wi%$ ?is1--! words 7 diff]5t1--,i made up my m9d at la/ to act ^u !m1 und]/&+ x to be our ,"l's w1 & to foll[ t c\nsel s long z ,i %\ld live4 ,i _h nev] be=e s act$ ) any "o1 ?\gh ,i _h consult$ _m p]sons ( great le>n+ & hol9ess1 & :o wat*$ ov] my s\l ) great c>e1--b nei!r _h ,i receiv$ any su* direction z t ,i %\ld make no *ange2 = z to my confessors1 ( "s ,i und]/ood t !y w\ld be pr(itable to me1 & s also ( ^!4 #b4 ,:5 ,i _h resolv$ on ?is1 ,i f\nd myself 9 peace & com=t s great t ,i 0 amaz$1 & assur$ ( our ,"l's w2 = ,i d n ?9k t ,satan c\ld fill ! s\l ) peace & com=t su* z ?is3 & s1 :5ev] ,i ?9k ( x1 ,i praise our ,"l1 & rememb] ! words1 posuit f9es tuos pacem1 #b & ,i wi% ,i c\ld we> myself out 9 ! praises ( ,god4 #c4 ,x mu/ h be5 ab\t a mon? aft] ?is my resolve 0 made1 on ! second day aft] ,p5teco/1 :5 ,i 0 go+ to f\nd ! mona/]y 9 ,seville1 t we he>d ,mass 9 a h]mitage 9 ,ecija1 & re/$ !re dur+ ! hotte/ "p ( ! day4 ,^? :o 7 ) me rema9$ 9 ! h]mitage :ile ,i 0 by myself 9 ! sacri/y belong+ to x4 ,i began to ?9k ( "o great grace :i* ,i receiv$ ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 on "o ( ! vigils ( ,8 fea/1 #c & a great desire arose )9 me ( do+ ,him "s mo/ special s]vice1 & ,i f\nd no?+ t 0 n already done1--at lea/1 resolv$ ^u1--= all ,i d mu/ be faulty2 & ,i rememb]$ t1 ?\gh ,i _h already made a v[ ( ob$i5ce1 x might be made 9 great] p]fection1 & ,i _h an impression x w\ld be pleas+ unto ,him if ,i promis$ t :i* ,i 0 already resolv$ ^u1 to live "u ob$i5ce to ! ,fa!r-,ma/]1 ,fr4 ,j]ome4 ,on ! o!r h&1 ,i seem$ to be do+ no?+1 because ,i 0 already b5t on do+ x2 on ! o!r h&1 x w\ld be a v s]i\s ?+1 consid]+ t our int]ior /ate is n made kn[n to ! sup]iors :o receive our v[s1 & t !y *ange1 & t1 if "o is n do+ 8 "w well1 ano!r comes 9 8 place2 & ,i believ$ ,i %\ld h none ( my lib]ty all my life long1 ei!r outw>dly or inw>dly1 & ?is con/ra9$ me greatly to ab/a9 f mak+ ! v[4 ,?is repugnance ( ! w made me a%am$1 & ,i saw t1 n[ ,i _h some?+ ,i c\ld d = ,god1 ,i 0 n do+ x2 x 0 a sad ?+ = my resolution to s]ve ,him4 ,! fact is1 t ! objection s press$ me1 t ,i d n ?9k ,i ev] did any?+ 9 my life t 0 s h>d--n ev5 my pr(ession--unless x be t ( my leav+ my fa!r's h\se to become a nun4 #d ,! reason ( ?is 0 t ,i _h =gott5 my affection = him1 & 8 gifts = direct+ me2 yea1 r1 ,i 0 look+ on x !n z a /range ?+1 :i* has surpris$ me2 feel+ no?+ b a great fe> :e!r ! v[ w\ld be = ! s]vice ( ,god or n3 & my natural self--:i* is fond ( lib]ty--mu/ h be5 do+ its "w1 ?\gh = ye>s n[ ,i h no pleasure 9 x4 ,b x seem$ to me a f> o!r matt] to give up t lib]ty by a v[1 z 9 tru? x is4 ,aft] a protract$ /ruggle1 our ,"l gave me great confid5ce2 & ,i saw x 0 ! bett] c\rse1 ! m ,i felt ab\t x3 if ,i made ?is promise 9 hon\r ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 ,he w\ld be b\nd to give him light = ! direction ( my s\l2 & ,i rememb]$ at ! same "t t our ,"l _h giv5 him to me z my guide4 ,!reupon ,i fell ^u my knees1 &1 to r5d] ?is tribute ( s]vice to ! ,holy ,gho/1 made a promise to d :atev] he %\ld bid me d :ile ,i liv$1 provid$ no?+ 7 requir$ ( me contr>y to ! law ( ,god & ! comm&s ( sup]iors :om ,i am m b\nd to obey4 ,i adv]t$ to ?is1 t ! obligation did n ext5d to ?+s ( little importance1--z if ,i 7 to be importunate ) him ab\t any?+1 & he bade me cease1 & ,i neglect$ 8 advice & repeat$ my reque/1--nor to ?+s relat+ to my conv5i5ce4 ,9 a ^w1 8 comm&s 7 n to be ab\t trifles1 done )\t reflection2 & ,i 0 n kn[+ly to conceal f him my faults & s9s1 or my int]ior /ate2 & ?is1 too1 is m ?an we all[ to sup]iors4 ,9 a ^w1 ,i promis$ to reg>d him z 9 ! place ( ,god1 outw>dly & inw>dly4 ,i "k n if x be s1 b ,i seem$ to h done a great ?+ 9 hon\r ( ! ,holy ,gho/--at lea/1 x 0 all ,i c\ld d1 & v little x 0 9 comp>ison ) :at ,i owe ,him4 #d4 ,i give ,god ?anks1 :o has creat$ "o capable ( ?is "w3 ,i h ! greate/ confid5ce t ,8 ,maje/y w be/[ on him great graces2 & ,i myself am s happy & joy\s1 t ,i seem to be 9 e way free f myself2 & ?\gh ,i ?\ght t my ob$i5ce w\ld be a burd51 ,i h atta9$ to ! greate/ fre$om4 ,may our ,"l be prais$ = ev]6 #a4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 xxii4 #b4 ,psalm cxlvii4 #ad3 ,he ha? made ?y bord]s peace4 #c4 ,p]haps ! ,sa9t ref]s to :at %e has writt5 9 h] ,life1 *4 xxxviii4 #aa1 #ab4 #d4 ,life1 *4 iv4 #a4 ,relation ,,vii4 ,made = ,rodrigo ,alv>ez1 ,s4,j41 9 ! ,ye> #aege1 ,accord+ to ,don ,vic5te de la ,fu5te2 b 9 #aegf1 ,accord+ to ! ,boll&i/s & ,f4 ,b\ix4 #a4 ,?is nun took ! habit =ty ye>s ago1 & f ! fir/ began to reflect on ! my/]ies ( ! ,passion ( ,*ri/ our ,"l1 & on h] own s9s1 = "s "t e day1 )\t ?9k+ at all ( any?+ sup]natural1 b only ( creat$ ?+s1 or ( su* subjects z sugge/$ to h] h[ soon ! end ( all ?+s mu/ come1 disc]n+ 9 creatures ! greatness ( ,god & ,8 love = u4 #b4 ,?is made h] mu* m will+ to s]ve ,him3 %e 0 nev] "u ! influ5ce ( fe>1 & made no acc\nt ( x1 b _h always a great desire to see ,god hon\r$1 & ,8 glory increas$4 ,to t end 7 all h] pray]s direct$1 )\t mak+ any = h]self2 = %e ?\ght t x matt]$ little if %e _h to suff] 9 purgatory 9 ex*ange = ! increase ( ,8 glory ev5 9 ! slighte/ degree4 #c4 ,9 ?is %e sp5t ab\t two-&-tw5ty ye>s 9 great aridities1 & nev] did x ent] into h] ?\ghts to desire any?+ else2 = %e reg>d$ h]self z "o :o1 %e ?\ght1 did n des]ve ev5 to ?9k ab\t ,god1 except t ,8 ,maje/y 0 v m]ciful to h] 9 all[+ h] to rema9 9 ,8 pres5ce1 say+ h] pray]s1 read+ also 9 good books4 #d4 ,x mu/ be ab\t eighte5 ye>s s9ce %e began to arrange ab\t ! fir/ mona/]y ( ,b>efoot$ ,c>melites :i* %e f\nd$4 ,x 0 9 ,avila1 ?ree or two ye>s be=e1--,i believe x is ?ree1--%e began to ?9k t %e occasionally he>d int]ior locutions1 & _h visions & revelations int]iorly4 ,%e saw ) ! eyes ( ! s\l1 = %e nev] saw any?+ ) h] bodily eyes1 nor he>d any?+ ) h] bodily e>s2 twice1 %e ?9ks1 %e he>d a voice1 b %e und]/ood n :at 0 said4 ,x 0 a sort ( mak+ ?+s pres5t :5 %e saw ^! ?+s int]iorly2 !y pass$ away l a meteor mo/ frequ5tly4 ,! vision1 h[ev]1 rema9$ s impress$ on h] m9d1 & produc$ su* effects1 t x 0 z if %e saw ^? ?+s ) h] bodily eyes1 & m4 #e4 ,%e 0 !n by nature s v timid1 t %e w\ld n d>e to be alone ev5 by day1 at times4 ,& z %e c\ld n escape f ^! visitations1 ?\gh %e tri$ ) all h] might1 %e w5t ab\t 9 v great di/ress1 afraid t x 0 a delusion ( ,satan1 & began to consult spiritual m5 ( ! ,society ( ,jesus ab\t x1 among :om 7 ,fa!r ,araoz1 :o 0 ,commiss>y ( ! ,society1 & :o happ5$ to g to t place1 & ,fa!r ,francis1 :o 0 ,duke ( ,g&ia1--him %e consult$ twice2 #a also a ,prov9cial1 n[ 9 ,rome1 call$ ,gil ,gonzalez1 & him also :o is n[ ,prov9cial ( ,ca/ille1--?is latt]1 h[ev]1 n s (t51--,fa!r ,baltas> ,alv>ez :o is n[ ,rector 9 ,salamanca2 & he he>d h] confession = six ye>s at ?is "t2 also ! pres5t ,rector ( ,cu5ca1 ,salaz> by "n2 ! ,rector ( ,segovia1 call$ ,sant&]2 ! ,rector ( ,burgos1 ^: "n is ,ripalda1--& he ?\ght v ill ( h] :5 he he>d ( ^! ?+s1 till aft] he _h conv]s$ ) h]2 ! ,doctor ,paul ,h]n&ez 9 ,tol$o1 :o 0 a ,consultor ( ! ,inquisition1 him :o 0 ,rector 9 ,salamanca :5 %e talk$ to him2 ! ,doctor ,guti]rez1 & o!r fa!rs1 "s ( ! ,society1 :om %e knew to be spiritual m51 ^! %e s\ght out1 if any 7 9 ^? places :]e %e w5t to f\nd mona/]ies4 #f4 ,) ! ,fa!r ,fra ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 :o 0 a holy man ( ! ,b>efoot$ ,fri>s ( ,/4 ,francis1 %e _h _m communications1 & he x 0 :o insi/$ s mu* ^u x t h] _s %\ld be reg>d$ z good4 ,!y 7 m ?an six ye>s try+ h] _s m9utely1 z x is already describ$ at v great l5g?1 #b z w be %[n h]eaft]3 & %e h]self 9 te>s & deep affliction2 = ! m !y tri$ h]1 ! m %e fell into raptures1 & into trances v (t51--n1 h[ev]1 depriv$ ( h] s5ses4 #g4 ,_m pray]s 7 made1 & _m ,masses 7 said1 t our ,"l w\ld lead h] by ano!r way1 #c = h] fe> 0 v great :5 %e 0 n 9 pray]2 ?\gh 9 ev]y?+ relat+ to ! /ate ( h] s\l %e 0 v mu* bett]1 & a great diff]5ce 0 visible1 !re 0 no va+lory1 nor _h %e any temptation !reto1 nor to pride2 on ! contr>y1 %e 0 v mu* a%am$ & conf\nd$ :5 %e saw t p knew ( h] /ate1 & except ) h] confessors or any "o :o w\ld give h] light1 %e nev] spoke ( ^! ?+s1 & x 0 m pa9ful to speak ( !m ?an if !y _h be5 grave s9s2 = x seem$ to h] t p mu/ laugh at h]1 #d & t ^! ?+s 7 womani% imag9ations1 :i* %e _h always he>d ( ) disgu/4 #h4 ,ab\t ?irte5 ye>s ago1 m or less1 aft] ! h\se ( ,/4 ,joseph 0 f\nd$1 into :i* %e _h gone f ! o!r mona/]y1 came ! pres5t ,bi%op ( ,salamanca1 ,inquisitor1 ,i ?9k1 ( ,tol$o1 previ\sly ( ,seville1 ,soto by "n4 #e ,%e contriv$ to h a conf]5ce ) him = h] great] security1 & told him ev]y?+4 ,he repli$1 t !re 0 no?+ 9 all ?is t conc]n$ 8 (fice1 because ev]y?+ t %e saw & he>d confirm$ h] ! m 9 ! ,ca?olic fai?1 9 :i* %e always 01 & is1 firm1 ) mo/ e>ne/ desires = ! hon\r ( ,god & ! good ( s\ls1 will+ to suff] dea? _m times = "o ( !m4 #i4 ,he told h]1 :5 he saw h[ di/ress$ %e 01 to give an acc\nt ( x all1 & ( h] :ole life1 )\t omitt+ any?+1 to ! ,ma/] ,avila1 :o 0 a man ( great le>n+ 9 ! way ( pray]1 & to re/ cont5t ) ! answ] he %\ld give4 ,%e did s1 & describ$ h] s9s & h] life4 ,he wrote to h] & com=t$ h]1 giv+ h] great security4 ,! acc\nt ,i gave 0 su* t all ^? le>n$ m5 :o saw x--!y 7 my confessors--said t x 0 v pr(itable = in/ruction 9 spiritual ?+s2 & !y comm&$ h] to make copies ( x1 & write ano!r little book #f = h] daught]s1--%e 0 prioress1--:]e9 %e might give !m "s in/ructions4 #aj4 ,not)/&+ all ?is1 %e 0 n )\t fe>s at times1 = %e ?\ght t spiritual m5 also might be deceiv$ l h]self4 ,%e told h] confessor t he might discuss ^! ?+s ) c]ta9 le>n$ m51 ?\gh !y 7 n mu* giv5 to pray]1 = %e _h no o!r desire b t ( kn[+ :e!r :at %e exp]i5c$ 0 9 con=mity ) ! sacr$ writ+s or n4 ,n[ & !n %e took com=t 9 ?9k+ t--?\gh %e h]self1 because ( h] s9s1 des]v$ to fall into delusions--our ,"l w\ld n suff] s _m good m51 anxi\s to give h] light1 to be l$ into error4 #aa4 ,hav+ ?is 9 view1 %e began to communicate ) fa!rs ( ! ,ord] ( ! glori\s ,/4 ,dom9ic1 to :i*1 be=e ^! ?+s took place1 %e _h be5 to confession--%e does n say to !m1 b to ! ,ord]4 #g ,^! are !y ) :om %e aft]w>ds _h relations4 ,! ,fa!r ,fra ,vic5te ,b>ron1 at t "t ,consultor ( ! ,holy ,(fice1 he>d h] confessions = eighte5 mon?s 9 ,tol$o1 & he _h done s v _m ye>s be=e ^! ?+s began4 ,he 0 a v le>n$ man4 ,he reassur$ h] greatly1 z did also ! fa!rs ( ! ,society spok5 ( be=e4 ,all us$ to say1 ,if %e does n s9 aga9/ ,god1 & ackn[l$ges h] own mis]y1 :at has %e to be afraid (8 ,%e confess$ to ! ,fa!r ,fra ,p$ro ,ibaez1 :o 0 read] 9 ,avila2 to ! ,fa!r-,ma/] ,fra ,dom9ic ,baes1 :o is n[ 9 ,valladolid z rector ( ! college ( ,/4 ,gregory1 ,i confess$ = six ye>s1 & :5ev] ,i _h occasion to d s communicat$ ) him by lett]2 also to ! ,ma/] ,*aves2 to ! ,fa!r-,ma/] ,fra ,b>?olomew ( ,m$9a1 pr(essor 9 ,salamanca1 ( :om %e knew t he ?\ght ill ( h]2 = %e1 hav+ he>d ?is1 ?\ght t he1 bett] ?an any o!r1 c\ld tell h] if %e 0 deceiv$1 because he _h s little confid5ce 9 h]4 ,?is 0 m ?an two ye>s ago4 ,%e contriv$ to g to confession to him1 & gave him a full acc\nt ( ev]y?+ :ile %e rema9$ !re2 & he saw :at %e _h writt51 #h = ! purpose ( atta9+ to a bett] und]/&+ ( ! matt]4 ,he reassur$ h] s mu*1 & m ?an all ! re/1 & rema9$ h] v good fri5d4 #ab4 ,%e w5t to confession also to ,fra ,philip de ,m5eses1 :5 %e f\nd$ ! mona/]y ( ,valladolid1 = he 0 rector ( ! college ( ,/4 ,gregory4 ,he1 hav+ be=e t he>d ( h] /ate1 _h gone to ,avila1 t he might speak to h]1--x 0 an act ( great *>ity1--be+ desir\s ( asc]ta9+ :e!r %e 0 delud$1 s t he might enlight5 h]1 &1 if %e 0 n1 def5d h] :5 he he>d h] spok5 aga9/2 & he 0 mu* satisfi$4 #ac4 ,%e also conf]r$ p>ticul>ly ) ,sal9as1 ,dom9ican ,prov9cial1 a man ( great spirituality2 ) ano!r lic5tiate nam$ ,lun>1 :o 0 prior ( ,/4 ,?omas ( ,avila2 &1 9 ,segovia1 ) a read]1 ,fra ,diego de ,yanges4 #ad4 ,( ^! ,dom9icans "s nev] fail$ to give !mselves greatly to pray]1 & p]haps all did4 ,"s o!rs also %e consult$2 = 9 s _m ye>s1 & because ( ! fe> %e 0 91 %e _h opportunities ( do+ s1 especially z %e w5t ab\t f\nd+ mona/]ies 9 s _m places4 ,h] _s 0 tri$ en\gh1 = ev]ybody wi%$ to be able to enlight5 h]1 & !reby reassur$ h] & !mselves4 ,%e always1 at all times1 wi%$ to submit h]self to :atev] !y enjo9$ h]1 & %e 0 !re=e di/ress$ :51 z to ^! spiritual ?+s1 %e c\ld n obey !m4 ,bo? h] own pray]1 & t ( ! nuns %e has e/abli%$1 are always c>efully direct$ t[>ds ! propagation ( ! fai?2 & x 0 = t purpose1 & = ! good ( h] ,ord]1 t %e began h] fir/ mona/]y4 #ae4 ,%e us$ to say t1 if any ( ^! ?+s t5d$ to lead h] aga9/ ! ,ca?olic fai? & ! law ( ,god1 %e w\ld n ne$ to seek = le>n$ m5 nor te/s1 because %e w\ld see at once t !y came f ,satan4 ,%e nev] und]took any?+ m]ely because x came to h] 9 pray]2 on ! contr>y1 :5 h] confessors bade h] d ! rev]se1 %e did s )\t be+ 9 ! lea/ tr\bl$ !reat1 & %e always told !m ev]y?+4 ,= all t !y told h] t ^! ?+s came f ,god1 %e nev] s ?or\ghly believ$ !m t %e c\ld swe> to x h]self1 ?\gh x did seem to h] t !y 7 spiritually safe1 because ( ! effects !re(1 & ( ! great graces :i* %e at times receiv$2 b %e always desir$ virtues m ?an any?+ else2 & ?is x is t %e has *>g$ h] nuns to desire1 say+ to !m t ! mo/ humble & mortifi$ w be ! mo/ spiritual4 #af4 ,all t is told & writt5 %e communicat$ to ! ,fa!r-,ma/] ,fra ,dom9ic ,baes1 :o is n[ 9 ,valladolid1 & :o is ! p]son ) :om %e has _h1 & has /ill1 ! mo/ frequ5t communications4 ,he s5t h] writ+s to ! ,holy ,(fice 9 ,madrid1 s x is said4 ,9 all ?is %e submits h]self to ! ,ca?olic fai? & ! ,roman ,*ur*4 ,nobody has f\nd fault ) !m1 because ^! ?+s are n 9 ! p[] ( any man1 & our ,"l does n require :at is impossible4 #ag4 ,! reason :y s mu* is kn[n ab\t h] is t1 z %e 0 9 fe> ab\t h]self1 & describ$ h] /ate to s _m1 ^! talk$ to "o ano!r on ! subject & also ! accid5t t happ5$ to :at %e _h writt54 #i ,?is has be5 to h] a v griev\s torm5t & cross1 & has co/ h] _m te>s4 ,%e says t ?is di/ress is n ! effect ( humility1 b ( ! causes already m5tion$4 ,our ,"l seems to h giv5 p]mission #aj = ?is torture = if "o spoke m h>%ly ( h] ?an o!rs1 by little & little he spoke m k9dly ( h]4 #ah4 ,%e took ! greate/ pa9s n to submit ! /ate ( h] s\l to any "o :o %e ?\ght w\ld believe t ^! ?+s came f ,god1 = %e 0 in/antly afraid t ! devil w\ld deceive !m bo?4 ,if %e saw any "o timid ab\t ^! ?+s1 to him %e laid b>e h] secrets ) ! great] joy2 ?\gh also x gave h] pa9 :51 = ! purpose ( try+ h]1 ^! ?+s 7 treat$ ) contempt1 = %e ?\ght "s 7 really f ,god1 & %e w\ld n h p1 ev5 if !y _h good cause1 condemn !m s absolutely2 nei!r w\ld %e h !m believe t all 7 f ,god2 & because %e knew p]fectly well t delusion 0 possible1 !re=e x 0 t %e nev] ?\ght h]self altoge!r safe 9 a matt] :]e9 !re might be dang]4 #ai4 ,%e us$ to /rive ) all h] might nev] 9 any way to (f5d ,god1 & 0 always ob$i5t2 & by ^! means %e ?\ght %e might obta9 h] deliv]ance1 by ! help ( ,god1 ev5 if ,satan 7 ! cause4 #bj4 ,ev] s9ce %e became subject to ^! sup]natural visitations1 h] _s is always incl9$ to seek aft] t :i* is mo/ p]fect1 & %e _h almo/ always a great desire to suff]2 & 9 ! p]secutions %e und]w5t1 & !y 7 _m1 %e 0 com=t$1 & _h a p>ticul> affection = h] p]secutors4 ,%e _h a great desire to be poor & lonely1 & to dep>t out ( ?is l& ( exile 9 ord] to see ,god4 ,?r\gh ^! effects1 & o!rs l !m1 %e began to f9d peace1 ?9k+ t a _s :i* c\ld leave h] ) ^! virtues c\ld n be an evil "o1 & !y :o _h ! *>ge ( h] s\l said s2 b x 0 a peace t came f dim9i%$ we>9ess1 n f ! cessation ( fe>4 #ba4 ,! _s %e is ( nev] urg$ h] to make any ( ^! ?+s kn[n1 b to be always ob$i5t4 #aa ,z x has be5 said already1 #ab %e nev] saw any?+ ) h] bodily eyes1 b 9 a way s subtile & s intellectual t at fir/ %e sometimes ?\ght t all 0 ! effect ( imag9ation2 at o!r times %e c\ld n ?9k s4 ,^! ?+s 7 n cont9ual1 b occurr$ = ! mo/ "p :5 %e 0 9 "s tr\ble3 z on "o occasion1 :5 = "s days %e _h to be> un5durable int]ior pa9s1 & a re/lessness ( s\l aris+ out ( ! fe> t %e 0 delud$ by ,satan1 z x is describ$ at l5g? 9 ! acc\nt %e has giv5 ( x1 #ac & :]e h] s9s1 = !y h be5 s public1 are m5tion$ ) ! re/3 = ! fe> %e 0 9 made h] =get h] own good "n4 #bb4 ,be+ ?us 9 di/ress su* z _c be describ$1 at ! m]e he>+ int]iorly ^! words1 #ad ,x is ,i1 be n afraid1 h] s\l became s calm1 c\rage\s1 & confid5t1 t %e c\ld n und]/& :5ce s great a bless+ _h come2 = h] confessor _h n be5 able--& _m le>n$ m51 ) _m words1 _h n be5 able--to give h] t peace & re/ :i* ?is "o ^w _h giv5 h]4 ,& ?us1 at o!r times1 "s vision gave h] /r5g?1 = )\t t %e c\ld n h borne su* great trials & contradictions1 toge!r ) infirmities )\t numb]1 & :i* %e /ill has to be>1 ?\gh !y are n s _m1--= %e is nev] free f "s suff]+ or o!r1 m or less int5se4 ,h] ord9>y /ate is con/ant pa91 ) _m o!r infirmities1 ?\gh s9ce %e became a nun !y are m tr\blesome1 if %e is do+ any?+ 9 ! s]vice ( our ,"l4 ,& ! m]cies ,he %[s h] pass quickly out ( memory1 ?\gh %e (t5 dwells on ^? m]cies1--b %e is n able to dwell s long ^u ^! z ^u h] s9s2 ^! are always a torm5t to h]1 mo/ commonly z fil? smell+ f\lly4 #bc4 ,t h] s9s are s _m1 & h] s]vice ( ,god s scanty1 mu/ be ! reason :y %e is n tempt$ to va+lory4 ,!re nev] 0 any?+ 9 any ( ^! spiritual visitations t 0 n :olly pure & clean1 nor does %e ?9k x c be o!rwise if ! _s be good & ! visitations sup]natural1 = %e utt]ly neglects ! body & nev] ?9ks ( x1 be+ :olly int5t ^u ,god4 #bd4 ,%e is also liv+ 9 great fe> ab\t s9n+ aga9/ ,god1 & do+ ,8 w 9 all ?+s2 ?is is h] cont9ual pray]4 ,& %e is1 %e ?9ks1 s det]m9$ nev] to sw]ve f ?is1 t !re is no?+ h] confessors might enjo9 h]1 :i* %e consid]s to be = ! great] hon\r ( our ,"l1 t %e w\ld n und]take & p]=m1 by ! help ( our ,"l4 ,& confid5t t ,8 ,maje/y helps ^? :o h resolv$ to advance ,8 s]vice & glory1 %e ?9ks no m ( h]self & ( h] own progress1 9 comp>ison ) t1 ?an if %e did n exi/1 s f> z %e kn[s h]self1 & h] confessors ?9k s too4 #be4 ,all t is writt5 9 ?is pap] is ! simple tru?1 & !y1 & all o!rs :o h _h any?+ to d ) h] = ^! tw5ty ye>s1 c ju/ify x4 ,mo/ frequ5tly h] _s urg$ h] to praise ,god1 & %e wi%$ t all ! _w gave itself up to t1 ev5 ?\gh x %\ld co/ h] exce$+ly4 ,h5ce ! desire %e has = ! good ( s\ls2 & f consid]+ h[ vile are ! ?+s ( ?is _w1 & h[ preci\s are int]ior ?+s1 ) :i* no?+ c be comp>$1 %e has atta9$ to a contempt ( ! _w4 #bf4 ,z = ! vision ab\t :i* y1 my fa!r1 wi% to "k some?+1 x is ( ?is k9d3 %e sees no?+ ei!r outw>dly or inw>dly1 = ! vision is n imag9>y3 b1 )\t see+ any?+1 %e und]/&s :at x is1 & :]e x is1 m cle>ly ?an if %e saw x1 only no?+ 9 p>ticul> pres5ts itself to h]4 ,%e is l a p]son :o feels t ano!r is close beside h]2 b because %e is 9 ! d>k %e sees him n1 yet is c]ta9 t he is !re pres5t4 ,/ill1 ?is comp>ison is n exact2 = he :o is 9 ! d>k1 9 "s way or o!r1 ?r\gh he>+ a noise or hav+ se5 t p]son be=e1 kn[s he is !re1 or knew x be=e2 b "h !re is no?+ ( ! k9d1 = )\t a ^w1 inw>d or outw>d1 ! s\l cle>ly p]ceives :o x is1 :]e he is1 & occasionally :at he means4 #ae ,:y1 or h[1 %e p]ceives x1 %e kn[e? n2 b s x is2 & :ile x la/s1 %e _c help be+ aw>e ( x4 ,& :5 x is ov]1--?\gh %e may wi% ev] s mu* to reta9 ! image !re(1--%e _c d x1 = x is !n cle> to h] t x w\ld be1 9 t case1 an act ( ! imag9ation1 n ! vision itself1--t is n 9 h] p[]2 & s x is ) ! sup]natural ?+s4 ,& x is f ?is x comes to pass t he 9 :om ,god works ^! graces despises himself1 & becomes m humble ?an he 0 ev] be=e1 = he sees t ?is is a gift ( ,god1 & t he c nei!r add to x nor take f x4 ,! love & ! desire become great] ( s]v+ our ,"l1 :o is s mighty t ,he c d t :i* is m ?an our imag9ation c conceive "h1 z !re are ?+s :i* m51 h[ev] le>n$ !y may be1 c nev] "k4 ,bless$ = ev] & ev] be ,he :o be/[s ?is6 ,am54 #a4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxiv4 #d4 #b4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxv4 #ah4 #c4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxv4 #bj1 & *4 xxvii4 #a4 #d4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxvi4 #e4 #e4 ,don ,francisco de ,soto y ,salaz> 0 a native ( ,bonilli de la ,si]ra1 & ,vic>-,g5]al ( ! ,bi%ops ( ,a/orga & ,avila1 & ,canon ( ,avila2 ,inquisitor ( ,cordova1 ,seville1 & ,tol$o2 ,bi%op1 successively1 ( ,alb>rac91 ,segorve1 & ,salamanca4 ,he di$ at ,m]ida1 9 #aegf1 poison$1 x 0 suspect$1 by ! sect ( ! ,illum9ati1 :o 7 al>m$ at 8 fai?ful zeal & holy life 7,palafox1 note to lett] #ai1 vol4 i4 ed4 ,doblado74 ,%e w5t to ! ,inquisitor1 ,don ,francisco ,soto de ,salaz>--he 0 aft]w>ds ,bi%op ( ,salamanca--& said to him3 ',my "l1 ,i am subject to c]ta9 extraord9>y processes 9 pray]1 su* z ec/asies1 raptures1 & revelations1 & d n wi% to be delud$ or deceiv$ by ,satan1 or to d any?+ t is n absolutely safe4 ,i give myself up to ! ,inquisition to try me1 & exam9e my ways ( go+ on1 submitt+ myself to its ord]s4' ,! ,inquisitor repli$3 ',seora1 ! bus9ess ( ! ,inquisition is n to try ! _s1 nor to exam9e ways ( pray]1 b to correct h]etics4 ,d y1 !n1 commit y\r exp]i5ce to writ+1 9 all simplicity & tru?1 & s5d x to ! ,fa!r-,ma/] ,avila1 :o is a man ( great spirituality & le>n+1 & extremely conv]sant ) matt]s ( pray]2 & :5 y %all h 8 answ]1 y may be sure !re is no?+ to be afraid (' 7,j]ome ,gratian1 ,lucid>io1 cap4 iii474 #f4 ,?is book is ! ,way ( ,p]fection1 writt5 by direction ( ,f4 ,baes4 #g4 ,! ,sa9t _h su* great affection = ! ,ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ic1 t %e us$ to say ( h]self1 ,yo soy la ,dom9ica 9 passione1 mean+ !reby t %e 0 9 h] he>t a ,dom9icaness1 & a *ild ( ! ,ord] 7,palafox1 note to lett] #af1 vol4 i4 ed4 ,doblado74 #h4 ,:5 ?is fa!r _h read ! ,life1 he _h x copi$1 ) ! ass5t ( ,f4 ,gratian1 & gave ! copy ?us made to ! ,du*ess ( ,alba 7,de la ,fu5te74 #i4 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 xvii4 #ab1 note4 #aj4 ,life1 *4 xxiii4 #ae4 #aa4 ,life1 *4 xxvi4 #e4 #ab4 #d4 #ac4 ,life1 *4 xxv4 #ai4 #ad4 ,life1 *4 xxv4 #bb4 #ae4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxvii4 #e4 ,relation ,,viii4 ,address$ to ,f4 ,rodrigo ,alv>ez4 #a4 ,^! int]ior ?+s ( ! _s are s difficult to describe1 &1 /ill m1 9 su* a way z to be und]/ood1--! m s z !y pass quickly away1--t1 if ob$i5ce did n help me1 x w\ld be a *ance if ,i succe$$1 especially 9 su* difficult ?+s4 ,i implore y1 my fa!r1 to take = grant$ t x is n 9 my m9d to ?9k ?is to be correct1 = x may well be t ,i d n und]/& ! matt]2 b :at ,i c assure y ( is ?is1 t ,i w speak ( no?+ ,i h n _h exp]i5ce ( at times1 &1 inde$1 (t54 #b4 ,i ?9k x w please y1 my fa!r1 if ,i beg9 by discuss+ t :i* is at ! root ( sup]natural ?+s2 = t :i* relates to devotion1 t5d]ness1 te>s1 & m$itations1 :i* is 9 our p[] "h to acquire by ! help ( our ,"l1 is und]/ood4 #c4 ,! fir/ pray] ( :i* ,i 0 consci\s1--9 my op9ion1 sup]natural1--s ,i call t :i* no skill or ef=t ( ours1 h[ev] mu* we lab\r1 c atta9 to1 ?\gh we %\ld prep>e ourselves = x1 & t prep>ation mu/ be ( great s]vice1--is a c]ta9 int]ior recollection #a ( :i* ! s\l is s5sible2 ! s\l seems to h o!r s5ses )9 itself !n1 :i* be> "s lik5ess to ! ext]ior s5ses x possesses2 & ?us ! s\l1 )draw+ into itself1 seeks to g away f ! tumult ( its outw>d s5ses1 & accord+ly x drags !m away ) itself2 = x closes ! eyes on purpose t x may nei!r see1 nor he>1 nor und]/& any?+ b t :]eon ! s\l is !n int5t1 :i* is to be able to conv]se ) ,god alone4 ,9 ?is pray] !re is no susp5sion ( ! faculties & p[]s ( ! s\l2 x reta9s ! full use ( !m2 b ! use ( !m is reta9$ t !y may be occupi$ ) ,god4 ,?is w be easily und]/ood by him :om our ,"l %all h rais$ to ?is /ate2 b by him :om ,he has n1 n2 at lea/1 su* a "o w h ne$ ( _m words & illu/rations4 #d4 ,out ( ?is recollection gr[ a c]ta9 quietude & inw>d peace mo/ full ( com=t2 = ! s\l is 9 su* a /ate t x does n seem to x t x wants any?+2 = ev5 speak+ we>ies x1--,i mean by ?is1 vocal pray] & m$itation2 x w\ld d no?+ b love4 ,?is la/s "s "t1 & ev5 a long "t4 #e4 ,out ( ?is pray] comes usually :at is call$ a sleep ( ! faculties2 b !y are n s absorb$ nor s susp5d$ z t x c be call$ a trance2 nor is x altoge!r union4 #f4 ,sometimes1 & ev5 (t51 ! s\l is aw>e t ! w alone is 9 union2 & ?is x sees v cle>ly1--t is1 x seems s to x4 ,! w is :olly int5t ^u ,god1 & ! s\l sees t x has no p[] to re/ on1 or d1 any?+ else2 & at ! same "t ! two o!r faculties are at lib]ty to att5d to o!r matt]s ( ! s]vice ( ,god1--9 a ^w1 ,m>?a & ,m>y are toge!r4 #b ,i ask$ ,fa!r ,francis #c if ?is 0 a delusion1 = x made me /upid2 & 8 reply 01 t x (t5 happ5$4 #g4 ,:5 all ! faculties ( ! s\l are 9 union1 x is a v diff]5t /ate ( ?+s2 = !y c !n d no?+ :atev]1 because ! und]/&+ is z x 7 surpris$4 ,! w loves m ?an ! und]/&+ kn[s2 b ! und]/&+ does n "k t ! w loves1 nor :at x is do+1 s z to be able 9 any way to speak ( x4 ,z to ! memory1 ! s\l1 ,i ?9k1 has none !n1 nor any p[] ( ?9k+1 nor are ! s5ses awake1 b r z lo/1 s t ! s\l may be ! m occupi$ ) ! object ( its fruition3 s x seems to me4 ,!y are lo/ b = a brief int]val2 x passes quickly away4 ,by ! weal? ( humility1 & o!r virtues & desires1 left 9 ! s\l aft] ?is may be le>nt h[ great ! bless+ is t fl[s f ?is grace1 b x _c be told :at x is2 =1 ?\gh ! s\l applies itself to ! und]/&+ ( x1 x c nei!r und]/& nor expla9 x4 ,?is1 if x be real1 is1 9 my op9ion1 ! greate/ grace wr\ght by our ,"l on ?is spiritual road1--at lea/1 x is "o ( ! greate/4 #h4 ,raptures & trance1 9 my op9ion1 are all "o1 only ,i am 9 ! habit ( us+ ! ^w trance in/ead ( rapture1 because ! latt] ^w fright5s p2 &1 inde$1 ! union ( :i* ,i am speak+ may also be call$ a trance4 ,! diff]5ce betwe5 union & trance is ?is1 t ! latt] la/s long] & is m visible outw>dly1 because ! brea?+ gradually dim9i%es1 s t x becomes impossible to speak or to op5 ! eyes2 & ?\gh ?is v ?+ occurs :5 ! s\l is 9 union1 !re is m viol5ce 9 a trance = ! natural w>m? vani%es1 ,i "k n h[1 :5 ! rapture is deep2 & 9 all ^! k9ds ( pray] !re is m or less ( ?is4 ,:5 x is deep1 z ,i 0 say+1 ! h&s become cold1 & sometimes /iff & /raight z pieces ( wood2 z to ! body1 if ! rapture comes on :5 x is /&+ or kneel+1 x rema9s s2 #d & ! s\l is s full ( ! joy ( t :i* our ,"l is sett+ be=e x1 t x seems to =get to animate ! body1 & ab&ons x4 ,if ! rapture la/s1 ! n]ves are made to feel x4 #i4 ,x seems to me t our ,"l w h ! s\l "k m ( t1 ! fruition ( :i* x has1 9 a trance ?an 9 union1 & accord+ly 9 a rapture ! s\l receives mo/ commonly c]ta9 revelations ( ,8 ,maje/y1 & ! effects !re( on ! s\l are great1--a =getfulness ( self1 ?r\gh ! long+ x has t ,god our ,"l1 :o is s high1 may be kn[n & prais$4 ,9 my op9ion1 if ! rapture be f ,god1 ! s\l _c fail to obta9 a deep conviction ( its own helplessness1 & ( its wret*$ness & +ratitude1 9 t x has n s]v$ ,him :o1 ( ,8 own goodness only1 be/[s ^u x graces s great2 = ! feel+ & ! sweetness are s high above all ?+s t may be comp>$ !re) t1 if ! recollection ( !m did n pass away1 all ! satisfactions ( e>? w\ld be always loa?some to x2 & h5ce comes ! contempt = all ! ?+s ( ! _w4 #aj4 ,! diff]5ce betwe5 trance & transport #e is ?is1--9 a trance ! s\l gradually dies to outw>d ?+s1 los+ ! s5ses & liv+ unto ,god4 ,a transport comes on by "o sole act ( ,8 ,maje/y1 wr\ght 9 ! inn]mo/ "p ( ! s\l ) su* swiftness t x is z if ! high] "p !re( 7 c>ri$ away1 & ! s\l leav+ ! body4 ,accord+ly x requires c\rage at fir/ to ?r[ itself into ! arms ( our ,"l1 t ,he may take x :i!rsoev] ,he w2 =1 until ,8 ,maje/y e/abli%es x 9 peace !re :i!r ,he is pleas$ to take x--by take x ,i mean ! admitt+ ( x to ! k ( deep ?+s--x c]ta9ly requires 9 ! beg9n+ to be firmly resolv$ to die = ,him1 because ! poor s\l does n "k :at ?is means--t is1 at fir/4 ,! virtues1 z x seems to me1 rema9 /rong] aft] ?is1 = !re is a gr[? 9 deta*m5t1 & ! p[] ( ,god1 :o is s mighty1 is ! m kn[n1 s t ! s\l loves & fe>s ,him4 ,= s x is1 ,he c>ries away ! s\l1 no long] 9 our p[]1 z ! true ,"l !re(1 :i* is fill$ ) a deep sorr[ = hav+ (f5d$ ,him1 & a/oni%m5t t x ev] d>$ to (f5d a ,maje/y s great1 ) an exce$+ly e>ne/ desire t none may h5ce=? (f5d ,him1 & t all may praise ,him4 ,?is1 ,i ?9k1 mu/ be ! s\rce ( ^? v f]v5t desires = ! salvation ( s\ls1 & = "s %>e !re91 & = ! due prais+ ( ,god4 #aa4 ,! flight ( ! _s--,i "k n h[ to call x--is a ris+ upw>ds f ! v dep?s ( ! s\l4 ,i rememb] only ?is comp>ison1 & ,i made use ( x be=e1 z y "k1 my fa!r1 9 t writ+ :]e ^! & o!r ways ( pray] are expla9$ at l5g?1 #f & su* is my memory t ,i =get ?+s at once4 ,x seems to me t s\l & _s are "o & ! same ?+2 b only z a fire1 if x is great & ready = burn+2 s1 l fire burn+ rapidly1 ! s\l1 9 t prep>ation ( itself :i* is ! "w ( ,god1 s5ds up a flame1--! flame asc5ds on high1 b ! fire !re( is ! same z t bel[1 nor does ! flame cease to be fire because x asc5ds3 s "h1 9 ! s\l1 some?+ s subtile & s swift1 seems to issue f x1 t asc5ds to ! high] "p1 & goes ?i!r :i!r our ,"l wills4 ,i _c g fur!r ) ! explanation2 x seems a flight1 & ,i "k ( no?+ else :]e) to comp>e x3 ,i "k t x _c be mi/ak51 = x is mo/ evid5t :5 x occurs1 & t x _c be h9d]$4 #ab4 ,?is little bird ( ! _s seems to h escap$ out ( ?is wret*$ness ( ! fle%1 out ( ! prison ( ?is body1 & n[1 dis5tangl$ !refrom1 is able to be ! m int5t on t :i* our ,"l is giv+ x4 ,! flight ( ! _s is some?+ s f9e1 ( su* ine/imable wor?1 z ! s\l p]ceives x1 t all delusion !re9 seems impossible1 or any?+ ( ! k9d1 :5 x occurs4 ,x 0 aft]w>ds t fe> arose1 because %e :o receiv$ ?is grace 0 s wick$2 = %e saw :at good reasons %e _h to be afraid ( ev]y?+1 ?\gh 9 h] inn]mo/ s\l !re rema9$ an assurance & a confid5ce :]e9 %e 0 able to live1 b n en\gh to make h] cease f ! anxiety %e 0 9 n to be deceiv$4 #ac4 ,by impetus ,i mean t desire :i* at times ru%es into ! s\l1 )\t be+ prec$$ by pray]1 & ?is is mo/ frequ5tly ! case2 x is a sudd5 rememb]+ t ! s\l is away f ,god1 or ( a ^w x has he>d to t effect4 ,?is rememb]+ is occasionally s /rong & vehem5t t ! s\l 9 a mom5t becomes z if ! reason 7 gone1 j l a p]son :o sudd5ly he>s mo/ pa9ful tid+s ( :i* he knew n be=e1 or is surpris$2 su* a "o seems depriv$ ( ! p[] ( collect+ 8 ?\ghts = 8 own com=t1 & is z "o lo/4 ,s is x 9 ?is /ate1 except t ! suff]+ arises f ?is1 t !re abides 9 ! s\l a conviction t x w\ld be well wor? dy+ 9 x4 ,x seems t :atev] ! s\l !n p]ceives does b increase its suff]+1 & t our ,"l w h its :ole be+ f9d no com=t 9 any?+1 nor rememb] t x is ,8 w t x %\ld live3 ! s\l seems to itself to be 9 great & indescribable lonel9ess1 & ab&on$ ( all1 because ! _w1 & all t is 9 x1 gives x pa92 & because x f9ds no companion%ip 9 any creat$ ?+1 ! s\l seeks its ,creator alone1 & ?is x sees to be impossible unless x dies2 & z x mu/ n kill itself1 x is dy+ to die1 & !re is really a risk ( dea?1 & x sees itself hang+ betwe5 heav5 & e>?1 n kn[+ :at to d ) itself4 ,& f "t to "t ,god gives x a c]ta9 k ( ,himself1 t x may see :at x loses1 9 a way s /range t no explanation ( x is possible2 & !re is no pa9 9 ! _w--at lea/ ,i h felt none--t is equal or l unto ?is1 = if x la/s b half an h\r ! :ole body is out ( jo9t1 & ! bones s rack$1 t ,i am n able to write ) my h&s3 ! pa9s ,i endure are mo/ griev\s4 #g #ad4 ,b no?+ ( all ?is is felt till ! impetus %all h pass$ away4 ,he to :om x comes has en\gh to d 9 endur+ t :i* is go+ on )9 him1 nor d ,i believe t he w\ld feel if he 7 griev\sly tortur$3 he is 9 possession ( all 8 s5ses1 c speak1 & ev5 obs]ve2 walk ab\t he _c1--! great bl[ ( t love ?r[s him d[n to ! gr\nd4 ,if we 7 to die to h ?is1 x w\ld be ( no use1 = x _c be except :5 ,god s5ds x4 ,x leaves great effects & bless+s 9 ! s\l4 ,"s le>n$ m5 say t x is ?is1 o!rs t x is t1 b no "o condemns x4 ,! ,fa!r-,ma/] d',avila wrote to me & said x 0 good1 & s say all4 ,! s\l cle>ly und]/&s t x is a great grace f our ,"l2 7 x to occur m frequ5tly1 life w\ld n la/ long4 #ae4 ,! ord9>y impetus is1 t ?is desire ( s]v+ ,god comes on ) a c]ta9 t5d]ness1 accompani$ ) te>s1 out ( a long+ to dep>t f ?is l& ( exile2 b z ! s\l reta9s its fre$om1 :]e9 x reflects t its liv+ on is accord+ to our ,"l's w1 x takes com=t 9 t ?\ght1 & (f]s its life to ,him1 besee*+ ,him t x may la/ only = ,8 glory4 ,?is done1 x be>s all4 #af4 ,ano!r pray] v common is a c]ta9 k9d ( w\nd+2 #h = x really seems to ! s\l z if an arr[ 7 ?ru/ ?r\gh ! he>t1 or ?r\gh itself4 ,?us x causes great suff]+1 :i* makes ! s\l compla92 b ! suff]+ is s sweet1 t x wi%es x nev] w\ld end4 ,! suff]+ is n "o ( s5se1 nei!r is ! w\nd physical2 x is 9 ! int]ior ( ! s\l1 )\t any appe>ance ( bodily pa92 b z ,i _c expla9 x except by comp>+ x ) o!r pa9s1 ,i make use ( ^! clumsy expressions1--= su* !y are :5 appli$ to ?is suff]+4 ,i _c1 h[ev]1 expla9 x 9 any o!r way4 ,x is1 !re=e1 nei!r to be writt5 ( nor spok5 (1 because x is impossible = any "o to und]/& x :o has n _h exp]i5ce ( x1--,i mean1 h[ f> ! pa9 c g2 = ! pa9s ( ! _s are v diff]5t f ^? ( e>?4 ,i ga!r1 !re=e1 f ?is1 t ! s\ls 9 hell & purgatory suff] m ?an we c imag9e1 by consid]+ ^! pa9s ( ! body4 #ag4 ,at o!r times1 ?is w\nd ( love seems to issue f ! inmo/ dep? ( ! s\l2 great are ! effects ( x2 & :5 our ,"l does n inflict x1 !re is no help = x1 :atev] we may d to obta9 x2 nor c x be avoid$ :5 x is ,8 pleasure to inflict x4 ,! effects ( x are ^? long+s aft] ,god1 s quick & s f9e t !y _c be describ$ & :5 ! s\l sees itself h9d]$ & kept back f ent]+1 z x desires1 on ! fruition ( ,god1 x conceives a great loa?+ = ! body1 on :i* x looks z a ?ick wall :i* h9d]s x f t fruition :i* x !n seems to h ent]$ ^u )9 itself1 & unh9d]$ by ! body4 ,x !n compreh5ds ! great evil t has befall5 u ?r\gh ! s9 ( ,adam 9 robb+ u ( ?is lib]ty4 #i #ah4 ,?is pray] ,i _h be=e ! raptures & ! great impetuosities ,i h be5 speak+ (4 ,i =got to say t ^! great impetuosities sc>cely ev] leave me1 except ?r\gh a trance or great sweetness 9 our ,"l1 :]eby ,he com=ts ! s\l1 & gives x c\rage to live on = ,8 sake4 #ai4 ,all ?is t ,i speak ( _c be ! effect ( ! imag9ation2 & ,i h "s reasons = say+ ?is1 b x w\ld be we>isome to ent] on !m3 :e!r x be good or n is kn[n to our ,"l4 ,! effects !re(1 & h[ x pr(its ! s\l1 pass all compreh5sion1 z x seems to me4 #bj4 ,i see cle>ly t ! ,p]sons are di/9ct1 z ,i saw x ye/]day :5 y1 my fa!r1 7 talk+ to ! ,fa!r ,prov9cial2 only ,i saw no?+1 & he>d no?+1 z1 my fa!r1 ,i h already told y4 ,b !re is a /range c]ta9ty ab\t x1 ?\gh ! eyes ( ! s\l see no?+2 & :5 ! pres5ce is )drawn1 t )drawal is felt4 ,h[ x is1 ,i "k n2 b ,i d "k v well t x is n an imag9ation1 because ,i _c reproduce ! vision :5 x is ov]1 ev5 if ,i 7 to p]i% 9 ! ef=t2 b ,i h tri$ to d s4 ,s is x ) all t ,i h spok5 ( "h1 s f> z ,i c see2 =1 z ,i h be5 9 ?is /ate = s _m ye>s1 ,i h be5 able to obs]ve1 s t ,i c say s ) ?is confid5ce4 ,! tru? is1--& y1 my fa!r1 %\ld att5d to ?is1--t1 z to ! ,p]son :o always speaks1 ,i c c]ta9ly say :i* ( ,!m ,he seems to me to be2 ( ! o!rs ,i _c say s mu*4 ,"o ( ,!m ,i "k well has nev] spok54 ,i nev] knew :y1 nor d ,i busy myself 9 ask+ m ( ,god ?an ,he is pleas$ to give1 because 9 t case1 ,i believe1 ,i %\ld be delud$ by ,satan1 at once2 nor w ,i ask n[1 because ( ! fe> ,i am 94 #ba4 ,i ?9k ! ,fir/ spoke to me at times2 b z ,i d n rememb] t v well n[1 nor :at x 0 t ,he spoke1 ,i w n v5ture to say s4 ,x is all writt51--y1 my fa!r1 "k :]e1--& m at l>ge ?an x is "h2 ,i "k n :e!r 9 ! same words or n4 #aj ,?\gh ! ,p]sons are di/9ct 9 a /range way1 ! s\l kn[s ,"o only ,god4 ,i d n rememb] t our ,"l ev] seem$ to speak to me b 9 ,8 ,human ,nature2 &--,i say x aga9--,i c assure y t ?is is no imag9ation4 #bb4 ,:at1 my fa!r1 y say ab\t ! wat]1 ,i "k n2 nor h ,i he>d :]e ! e>?ly p>adise is4 ,i h already said t ,i _c b li/5 to :at our ,"l tells me2 ,i he> x because ,i _c help myself2 b1 z = ask+ ,8 ,maje/y to reveal any?+ to me1 t is :at ,i h nev] done4 ,9 t case1 ,i %\ld imm$iately ?9k ,i 0 imag9+ ?+s1 & t ,i mu/ be 9 a delusion ( ,satan4 ,god be prais$1 ,i h nev] be5 curi\s ab\t ?+s1 & ,i d n c>e to "k m ?an ,i d4 #aa ,:at ,i h le>nt1 )\t seek+ to le>n1 z ,i h j said1 has be5 a great tr\ble to me1 ?\gh x has be5 ! means1 ,i believe1 :i* our ,"l made use ( to save me1 see+ t ,i 0 s wick$2 good p d n ne$ s mu* to make !m s]ve ,8 ,maje/y4 #bc4 ,i rememb] ano!r way ( pray] :i* ,i _h be=e ! "o ,i m5tion$ fir/1--namely1 a pres5ce ( ,god1 :i* is n a vision at all4 ,x seems t any "o1 if he recomm5ds himself to ,8 ,maje/y1 ev5 if he only prays vocally1 f9ds ,him2 e "o1 at all times1 c d ?is1 if we except seasons ( aridity4 ,may ,he grant ,i may n by my own fault lose m]cies s great1 & may ,he h compassion on me6 #a4 ,inn] ,=tress1 iv4 *4 iii4 #b4 ,see ,life1 *4 xvii4 #e4 #c4 ,comp>e ,life1 *4 xxiv4 #d4 #d4 ,see ,life1 *4 xx4 #bc4 #e4 ,arrobami5to y arrebatami5to4 #f4 ,see ,life1 *s4 xx4 & xxi4 #g4 ,life1 *4 xx4 #af2 ,inn] ,=tress1 vi4 c4 xi4 #h4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxix4 #ag4 #i4 ,see ,life1 *4 xvii4 #i4 #aj4 ,see ,relation1 iii4 #f4 #aa4 ,see ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,asc5t ( ,m\nt ,c>mel1 bk4 ii4 *4 xxii4 ,relation ,,ix4 ,( ,c]ta9 ,spiritual ,graces ,%e ,receiv$ 9 ,tol$o & ,avila 9 ! ,ye>s #aegf & #aegg4 #a4 ,i _h begun to g to confession to a c]ta9 p]son #a 9 ! city :]e9 ,i am at pres5t /ay+1 :5 he1 ?\gh he _h mu* good w t[>ds me1 & always has _h s9ce he took ^u himself ! *>ge ( my s\l1 ceas$ to come "h2 & "o night1 :5 ,i 0 9 pray]1 & ?9k+ h[ he fail$ me1 ,i und]/ood t ,god kept him f com+ because x 0 exp$i5t = me to treat ( ! affairs ( my s\l ) a c]ta9 p]son on ! spot4 #b ,i 0 di/ress$ because ,i _h to =m new relations--x might be he w\ld n und]/& me1 & w\ld di/urb me--& because ,i _h a great affection = him :o did me ?is *>ity1 ?\gh ,i 0 always spiritually cont5t :5 ,i saw or he>d ! latt] prea*2 also1 ,i ?\ght x w\ld n d because ( 8 _m occupations4 ,our ,"l said to me3 ,i w cause him to he> & und]/& !e4 ,make ?yself kn[n unto him2 x w be "s relief to !e 9 ?y tr\bles4 ,! latt] "p 0 address$ to me1 ,i ?9k1 because ,i 0 !n s worn out by ! abs5ce ( ,god4 ,8 ,maje/y also said t ,he saw v well ! tr\ble ,i 0 92 b x c\ld n be o!rwise :ile ,i liv$ 9 ?is l& ( exile3 all 0 = my good2 & he com=t$ me greatly4 ,s x has be53 he com=ts me1 & seeks opportunities to d s2 he has und]/ood me1 & giv5 me great relief2 he is a mo/ le>n$ & holy man4 #b4 ,"o day1--x 0 ! ,fea/ ( ! ,pres5tation1--,i 0 pray+ e>ne/ly to ,god = a c]ta9 p]son1 & ?9k+ t aft] all ! possession ( prop]ty & ( fre$om 0 unfitt+ = t high sanctity :i* ,i wi%$ him to atta9 to2 ,i reflect$ on 8 weak heal?1 & on ! spiritual heal? :i* he communicat$ to s\ls2 & ,i he>d ^! words3 ,he s]ves ,me greatly2 b ! great ?+ is to foll[ ,me /ripp$ ( ev]y?+1 z ,i 0 on ! cross4 ,tell him to tru/ 9 ,me4 ,^! la/ words 7 said because ,i ?\ght he c\ld n1 ) 8 weak heal?1 atta9 to su* p]fection4 #c4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 ?9k+ ( ! pa9 x 0 to me to eat meat & d no p5ance1 ,i und]/ood t !re 0 at times m ( self-love 9 t feel+ ?an ( a desire = p5ance4 #d4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 9 great di/ress because ( my (f5ces aga9/ ,god1 ,he said to me3 ,all ?y s9s 9 ,my sight are z if !y 7 n4 ,= ! future1 be /rong2 = ?y tr\bles are n ov]4 #e4 ,"o day1 9 pray]1 ,i felt my s\l 9 ,god 9 su* a way t x seem$ to me z if ! _w did n exi/1 ,i 0 s absorb$ 9 ,him4 ,he made me !n und]/& t v]se ( ! ,magnificat1 ,et exultavit spiritus meus1 s t ,i c nev] =get x4 #f4 ,once1 :5 ,i 0 ?9k+ h[ p s\ght to de/roy ?is mona/]y ( ! ,b>efoot$ ,c>melites1 & t !y purpos$1 p]haps1 to br+ ab\t ! de/ruction ( !m all by degrees1 ,i he>d3 ,!y d purpose x2 nev]!less1 !y w nev] see x done1 b v mu* ! rev]se4 #g4 ,once1 9 deep recollection1 ,i 0 pray+ to ,god = ,eliseus2 #c ,i he>d ?is3 ,he is ,my true son2 ,i w nev] fail him1 or to t effect2 b ,i am n sure ( ! latt] words4 #h4 ,hav+ "o day conv]s$ ) a p]son :o _h giv5 up mu* = ,god1 & call+ to m9d t ,i _h giv5 up no?+ = ,him1 & _h nev] s]v$ ,him 9 any?+1 z ,i 0 b\nd to d1 & !n consid]+ ! _m graces ,he _h wr\ght 9 my s\l1 ,i began to be exce$+ly we>y2 & our ,"l said to me3 ,?\ kn[e/ ( ! betro?al betwe5 !e & ,myself1 & !re=e all ,i h is ?9e2 & s ,i give !e all ! lab\rs & sorr[s ,i endur$1 & ?\ can/ !re=e ask ( ,my ,fa!r z if !y 7 ?9e4 ,?\gh ,i h he>d t we are p>tak]s !re91 #d n[ x 0 9 a way s diff]5t t x seem$ z if ,i _h become possess$ ( a great pr9cipality2 = ! affection ) :i* ,he wr\ght ?is grace _c be describ$4 ,! ,fa!r seem$ to ratify ! gift2 & f t "t =? ,i look at our ,"l's ,passion 9 a v diff]5t light1 z on some?+ t belongs to me2 & t gives me great com=t4 #e #i4 ,on ! ,fea/ ( ! ,magdal5e1 :5 ?9k+ ( ! great love ,i am b\nd to h = our ,"l1 accord+ to ! words ,he spoke to1 me 9 ref]5ce to ?is ,sa9t1 & hav+ great desires to imitate h]1 our ,"l 0 v graci\s unto me1 & said1 ,i 0 to be h5ce=w>d /rong2 = ,i _h to s]ve ,him m ?an ,i _h hi!rto done4 #f ,he fill$ me ) a desire n to die s soon1 t ,i might h ! "t to occupy myself !re92 & ,i rema9$ ) a great resolution to suff]4 #aj4 ,on "o occasion1 ,i und]/ood h[ our ,"l 0 9 all ?+s1 & h[ ,he 0 9 ! s\l2 & ! illu/ration ( a sponge fill$ ) wat] 0 sugge/$ to me4 #aa4 ,:5 my bro!rs came1--& ,i owe s mu* to "o ( !m1 #g--;,i rema9$ 9 conv]sation ) him conc]n+ 8 s\l & 8 affairs1 :i* we>i$ & di/ress$ me2 & z ,i 0 (f]+ ?is up to our ,"l1 & ?9k+ t ,i did x all because ,i 0 "u obligations to him1 ,i rememb]$ t by our ,con/itutions #h we are comm&$ to sep>ate ourselves f our k9dr$1 & ,i 0 set ?9k+ :e!r ,i 0 "u any obligation1 our ,"l said to me3 ,no1 ,my daught]2 ! regulations ( ! ,ord] mu/ be only 9 con=mity ) ,my law4 ,! tru? is1 t ! end ( ! ,con/itutions is1 t we are n to be atta*$ to our k9dr$2 & to conv]se ) !m1 z x seems to me1 is r we>isome1 & x is pa9ful to h any?+ to d ) !m4 #ab4 ,aft] ,communion1 on ,/4 ,augu/9e's ,day1 ,i und]/ood1 &1 z x 71 saw1--,i _c tell h[1 unless x 0 by an intellectual vision :i* pass$ rapidly away1--h[ ! ,?ree ,p]sons ( ! mo/ ,holy ,tr9ity1 :om ,i h always impr9t$ 9 my s\l1 are ,"o4 ,?is 0 reveal$ 9 a repres5tation s /range1 & 9 a light s cle>1 t ! impression made ^u me 0 v diff]5t f t :i* ,i h by fai?4 ,f t "t =? ,i h nev] be5 able to ?9k ( ,"o ( ! ,?ree ,div9e ,p]sons )\t ?9k+ ( ! ,?ree2 s t to-day1 :5 ,i 0 consid]+ h[1 ! ,?ree be+ ,"o1 ! ,son alone took our fle% ^u ,him1 our ,"l %[$ me h[1 ?\gh ,!y are ,"o1 ,!y are also di/9ct4 ,^! are m>vels :i* make ! s\l desire anew to be rid ( ! h9drances :i* ! body int]poses betwe5 x & ! fruition ( !m4 ,?\gh ?is passes away 9 a mom5t1 !re rema9s a ga9 to ! s\l incomp>ably great] ?an any x might h made by m$itation dur+ _m ye>s2 & all )\t kn[+ h[ x happ5s4 #ac4 ,i h a special joy on ! ,fea/ ( our ,lady's ,nativity4 ,:5 ?is day 0 come1 ,i ?\ght x w\ld be well to r5ew our v[s2 & !reupon ,i saw our ,lady1 by an illum9ative vision2 & x seem$ z if we made !m be=e h] & t !y 7 pleas+ unto h]4 ,i _h ?is vision con/antly = "s days1 & our ,lady 0 by me on my left h&4 ,"o day1 aft] ,communion1 x seem$ to me t my s\l 0 really "o ) ! mo/ ,holy ,body ( our ,"l1 !n pres5t be=e me2 & t wr\ght a great "w & bless+ 9 me4 #ad4 ,i 0 once ?9k+ :e!r ,i 0 to be s5t to re=m a c]ta9 mona/]y2 #i &1 di/ress$ at x1 ,i he>d3 ,:at art ?\ afraid (8 ,:at can/ ?\ lose8--only ?y life1 :i* ?\ ha/ s (t5 (f]$ to ,me4 ,i w help !e4 ,?is 0 9 pray]1 :i* 0 ( su* a nature z to ease my s\l exce$+ly4 #ae4 ,once1 hav+ a desire to r5d] "s s]vice to our ,"l1 ,i consid]$ t ,i c\ld s]ve ,him b poorly1 & said to myself3 ,:y1 ,o ,"l1 do/ ,?\ desire my works8 ,& ,he answ]$3 ,to see ?y good w1 ,my *ild4 #af4 ,once our ,"l gave me light 9 a matt] t ,i 0 v glad to und]/&1 & ,i imm$iately =got x1 s t ,i 0 nev] able to call x aga9 to m9d2 & s1 :5 ,i 0 try+ to rememb] x1 ,i he>d3 ,?\ kn[e/ n[ t ,i speak to !e f "t to "t4 ,d n omit to write d[n :at ,i say2 =1 ?\gh x may n pr(it !e1 x may be t x w pr(it o!rs4 ,z ,i 0 ?9k+ :e!r ,i1 = my s9s1 _h to be ( use to o!rs1 & be lo/ myself1 ,he said to me3 ,h no fe>4 #ag4 ,i 0 once recollect$ 9 t companion%ip :i* ,i ev] h 9 my s\l1 & x seem$ to me t ,god 0 pres5t !re9 9 su* a way t ,i rememb]$ h[ ,/4 ,pet] said3 ,?\ art ,*ri/1 ! ,son ( ! liv+ ,god2 #aj = ! liv+ ,god 0 9 my s\l4 ,?is is n l o!r visions1 = x ov]p[]s fai?2 s t x is impossible to d\bt ( ! indwell+ ( ! ,tr9ity 9 our s\ls1 by pres5ce1 p[]1 & ess5ce4 ,to "k ?is tru? is ( ! v highe/ ga92 & z ,i /ood amaz$ to see ,8 ,maje/y 9 a ?+ s vile z my s\l1 ,i he>d3 ,x is n vile1 ,my *ild1 = x is made 9 ,my image4 #aa ,i also le>nt some?+ ( ! reason :y ,god delights 9 s\ls m ?an 9 any o!r creatures3 x is s subtile t1 ?\gh ! und]/&+ quickly compreh5d$ x1 ,i _c tell x4 #ah4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 su* di/ress1 because ( ! tr\bles ( our fa!r1 #ab t ,i _h no re/1 & aft] ,communion "o day 0 mak+ mo/ e>ne/ly my petition to our ,"l t1 z ,he _h giv5 him to me1 ,i might n lose him1 ,he said to me3 ,h no fe>4 #ai4 ,once1 ) t pres5ce ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons :i* ,i h 9 my s\l1 ,i 0 9 light s cle> t no d\bt ( ! pres5ce ( ! true & liv+ ,god 0 possible2 & ,i !n came to ! k ( ?+s :i* aft]w>ds ,i c\ld n speak (4 ,"o ( ^! ?+s 01 h[ ! p]son ( ! ,son only took human fle%4 ,i _c1 z ,i h j said1 expla9 x at all2 = "s ( ^! ?+s 7 wr\ght 9 ! secret recesses ( ! s\l1 & ! und]/&+ seems to grasp !m only z "o :o is 9 8 sleep1 or half awake1 ?9ks he compreh5ds :at is told him4 ,i 0 ?9k+ h[ h>d x 0 to rema9 alive1 see+ t x 0 liv+ on t robb$ u ( t m>vell\s companion%ip2 & s ,i said to myself3 ,o ,"l1 %[ me "s way :]eby ,i may be> ?is life6 ,he said unto me3 ,?9k1 my *ild1 :5 life is ov]1 ?\ can/ n s]ve ,me z ?\ art s]v+ ,me n[1 & eat = ,me1 & sleep = ,me4 ,:atsoev] ?\ doe/1 let x be done = ,me z if ?\ w]t no long] liv+1 b ,i2 = t is :at ,/4 ,paul said4 #ac #bj4 ,once1 aft] ,communion1 ,i saw h[ ,8 ,fa!r )9 our s\l accepts ! mo/ ,holy ,body ( ,*ri/4 ,i h und]/ood & se5 h[ ! ,div9e ,p]sons are !re1 & h[ pleas+ is ?is (f]+ ( ,8 ,son1 because ,he has ,8 joy & delight 9 ,him1 s to speak1 "h on e>?2 = x is n ! ,humanity only t is ) u 9 our1 s\ls1 b ! ,div9ity z well1 & ?us is x s pleas+ & acceptable unto ,him1 & gives u graces s great4 ,i und]/ood also t ,he accepts ! sacrifice1 ?\gh ! prie/ be 9 s92 b !n ! grace ( x is n communicat$ to 8 s\l z x is to _! s\ls :o are 9 a /ate ( grace3 n t ! infl[+s ( grace1 :i* proce$ f ?is ,communion :]e9 ! ,fa!r accepts ! sacrifice1 cease to fl[ 9 _! /r5g?1 b because ( 8 fault :o has to receive !m2 z x is n ! fault ( ! sun t x does n illum9e a lump ( pit*1 :5 its rays /rike x z x illum9es a globe ( cry/al4 ,if ,i c\ld n[ describe x1 ,i %\ld be bett] und]/ood2 x is a great matt] to "k ?is1 because !re are gr& secrets )9 u :5 we are at ,communion4 ,x is sad t ^! bodies ( ours d n all[ u to h ! fruition !re(4 #ba4 ,dur+ ! ,octave ( ,all ,sa9ts1 #ad ,i _h two or ?ree days ( exce$+ angui%1 ! result ( my remembrance ( my great s9s1 & ,i 0 also 9 great dread ( p]secutions1 :i* _h no f\ndation except t great accusations 7 br\ght aga9/ me1 & all my resolutions to suff] any?+ = ,god fail$ me3 ?\gh ,i s\ght to enc\rage myself1 & made correspond+ acts1 & saw t all w\ld be a great pa9 = me1 x 0 to little purpose1 = ! fe> nev] left me4 ,x 0 a %>p w>f>e4 ,i came across a lett]1 9 :i* my good fa!r #ae _h writt5 t ,/4 ,paul said t our ,god does n suff] u to be tempt$ beyond our p[] to be>4 #af ,?is 0 a v great relief to me1 b 0 n en\gh2 yea1 r1 on ! next day ,i 0 9 great di/ress at 8 abs5ce1 = ,i _h no "o to g to 9 ?is tr\ble1 = ,i seem$ to be liv+ 9 great lonel9ess4 ,& x add$ to my grief to see t ,i n[ f9d no "o b he :o c com=t me1 & he mu/ be m ?an ev] away1 :i* is a v sore tr\ble4 #bb4 ,! next night aft] ?is1 read+ 9 a book1 ,i f\nd ano!r say+ ( ,/4 ,paul1 ) :i* ,i began to be com=t$2 & be+ slightly recollect$1 ,i rema9$ ?9k+ h[ ,i _h our ,"l be=e pres5t )9 me1 s t ,i truly saw ,him to be ! liv+ ,god4 ,:ile ?9k+ on ?is ,he spoke to me1 & ,i saw ,him 9 my inmo/ be+1 z x 7 beside my he>t1 9 an intellectual vision2 ,8 words 73 ,i am "h1 only ,i w h !e see h[ little ?\ can/ d )\t ,me4 ,i 0 on ! in/ant reassur$1 & my fe>s left me2 & :ile at ,mat9s t v night our ,"l ,himself1 9 an intellectual vision s cle> z to seem almo/ imag9>y1 laid ,himself 9 my arms1 z ,he is pa9t$ 9 ! pictures ( our ,lady ( ,angui%4 #ag ,! vision made me v mu* afraid1 = x 0 s cle>1 & s close to me1 t x made me ?9k :e!r x 0 an illusion or n4 ,he said to me1 ,be n afraid ( x1 = ! union ( ,my ,fa!r ) ?y s\l is incomp>ably clos] ?an ?is4 ,! vision has rema9$ ) me till n[4 ,:at ,i h said ( our ,"l cont9u$ m ?an a mon?3 n[ x has left me4 #bc4 ,i 0 "o night 9 great di/ress1 because x 0 !n a long "t s9ce ,i _h he>d any?+ ( my fa!r2 #ah &1 moreov]1 he 0 n well ! la/ "t he wrote to me4 ,h[ev]1 my di/ress 0 n s great z t ,i felt be=e1 = ,i _h hopes1 & di/ress l t ,i nev] 0 9 s9ce2 b /ill my anxiety h9d]$ my pray]4 ,he appe>$ to me on ! in/ant2 x c\ld n h be5 ! effect ( imag9ation1 = ,i saw a light )9 me1 & himself com+ by ! way joy\s1 ) a face all fair4 ,x mu/ h be5 ! light ,i saw t made 8 face fair1 = all ! sa9ts 9 heav5 seem s2 & ,i consid]$ :e!r x be ! light & spl5d\r proce$+ f our ,"l t r5d] !m ?us fair4 ,i he>d ?is3 ,tell him to beg9 at once )\t fe>1 = ! victory is 84 #bd4 ,"o day1 aft] he came1 :5 ,i 0 at night giv+ ?anks to our ,"l = ! _m m]cies ,he _h giv5 unto me1 ,he said to me3 ,o my *ild1 :at can/ ?\ ask t ,i h n done8 #be4 ,our ,"l said to me "o day1 9 ! mona/]y ( ,veas1 t ,i 0 to pres5t my petition to ,him1 = ,i 0 ,8 bride4 ,he promis$ to grant :atev] ,i might ask ( ,him1 &1 z a pl$ge1 gave me a v beautiful r+1 ) a /one set 9 x l an ame?y/1 b ( a brilliancy v unlike1 :i* ,he put on my f+]4 ,i write ?is to my own confusion1 consid]+ ! goodness ( ,god1 & my wret*$ life2 = ,i h des]v$ hell4 ,ah6 my daught]s1 pray to ,god = me1 & be dev\t to ,/4 ,joseph1 :o c d mu*4 ,?is folly ,i write 4 4 4 folly ,i write4 4 4 4 #bf4 ,on ! eve ( ,/4 ,laur5ce1 at ,communion1 ,i 0 s di/ract$ & dissipat$ 9 m9d1 t ,i _h no p[] ov] x1 & began to envy ^? :o dwell 9 des]t places2 ?9k+ t1 z !y see & he> no?+1 !y are exempt f di/ractions4 ,i he>d ?is3 ,?\ art greatly deceiv$1 ,my daught]2 on ! contr>y1 ! temptations ( ,satan are m viol5t !re4 ,h pati5ce :ile life la/s1 x _c be help$4 ,:ile dwell+ on ?is1 ,i became sudd5ly recollect$1 & ,i saw a great light )9 me1 s t ,i ?\ght ,i 0 9 ano!r _w1 & my _s f\nd itself int]iorly 9 a =e/ & 9 a g>d5 ( delights1 :i* made me rememb] ^? words ( ! ,canticle3 #ai ,v5iat dilectus meus 9 hortum suum4 ,i saw my ,eliseus #bj !re1 n at all sw>?y1 b 9 /range beauty3 ar\nd 8 head 0 a g>l& ( preci\s /ones2 a multitude ( damsels w5t be=e him ) palms 9 _! h&s1 all s++ hymns ( praise unto ,god4 ,i did no?+ b op5 my eyes1 to see :e!r ,i c\ld n di/ract myself f ! vision1 b t fail$ to div]t my att5tion2 & ,i ?\ght !re 0 music also1--! s++ ( birds & ( angels1--:i* fill$ my s\l ) joy1 ?\gh ,i did n he> any4 ,my s\l 0 9 joy1 & did n consid] t !re 0 nobody else !re4 ,i he>d ^! words3 ,he has m]it$ to be among y1 & all ?is rejoic+ :i* ?\ beholde/ w take place on ! day he %all set aside = ! hon\r ( ,my ,"m2 #ba & d ?\ make ha/e1 if ?\ w\ld/ rea* ! place :]e he is4 ,?is vision la/$ m ?an an h\r & a half4 ,9 ?is respect--diff]5tly f my o!r visions--,i c\ld n turn away f x1 & x fill$ me ) delight4 ,! effect ( ! vision 0 a great affection = ,eliseus1 & a m frequ5t ?9k+ ( him 9 t beauty4 ,i h _h a fe> ( its be+ a temptation1 = "w ( ! imag9ation x c\ld n possibly be4 #bb #bg4 ,! day aft] ! pres5tation ( ! ,brief1 #bc z ,i 0 9 ! mo/ eag] expectation1 :i* utt]ly di/urb$ me1 s t ,i c\ld n ev5 pray1--= ,i _h be5 told t our fa!r 0 9 great /raits because !y w\ld n let him come away1 & t !re 0 a great tumult1--,i he>d ^! words3 ,o woman ( little fai?1 be quiet2 ev]y?+ is go+ on p]fectly well4 ,x 0 ! ,fea/ ( ! ,pres5tation ( our ,lady1 9 ! ye> #aege4 ,i resolv$ )9 myself1 if our ,lady obta9$ f h] ,son t we might see ourselves & our fa!r free ( ^! fri>s1 to ask him to ord] ! solemn celebration ( t fea/ e ye> 9 our mona/]ies ( ! ,b>efoot$ ,c>melites4 ,:5 ,i made ?is resolution1 ,i did n rememb] :at ,i _h he>d 9 a =m] vision1 t he w\ld e/abli% ?is solemnity4 ,n[1 9 read+ aga9 ?is little pap]1 ,i ?9k ?is mu/ be ! fea/ ref]r$ to4 #bd #a4 ,f4 ,yepes1 !n prior ( ,/4 ,j]ome's1 ,tol$o 7,de la ,fu5te74 #b4 ,don ,alonzo ,velasquez1 canon ( ,tol$o1 to :om ,relation xi4 is address$4 ,! ,sa9t speaks ( ?is 9 a lett] to ,fra ,gratian 9 #aegf4 ,! lett] is numb]$ #hb 9 ! edition ( ,don ,vic5te1 & #bc 9 ! f\r? volume ( ! edition ( ,doblado4 #c4 ,fra ,j]ome ,gratian 7,de la ,fu5te74 #d4 #a ,/4 ,pet] iv4 #ac3 ,communicantes ,*ri/i passionibus1 gaudete4 #e4 ,?is took place 9 #aege1 :5 %e 0 go+ to f\nd h] mona/]y 9 ,seville 7,rib]a1 l4 iv4 c4 v4 n4 #aaj74 #f4 ,see #d1 above4 #g4 ,?is 0 9 #aege1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 f\nd+ ! mona/]y ( ,seville2 & ! bro!r 0 ,don ,lor5zo1 return$ f ! ,indies1 & :o n[ plac$ himself "u ! direction ( 8 si/] 7,de la ,fu5te74 #h4 ,9 ! ,*apt] ,de la ,clausura1 #af3 ,de trat> con deudos se desvi5 lo mas que pudi]54 #i4 ,! mona/]y ( ,pat]na1 ( ! unre=m$ ,c>melites4 ,?is 0 9 #aegf 7,de la ,fu5te74 #aj4 ,/4 ,matt4 xvi4 #af3 ,tu es ,*ri/us1 ,filius ,dei vivi4 #aa4 ,g54 i4 #bf3 ,ad imag9em et similitud9em ,no/ram4 #ab4 ,fra ,j]ome ,gratian4 ,?is took place dur+ ! p]secution t fell on ! re=m$ ,c>melites at ! end ( ! ye> #aege1 & dur+ ! foll[+ ye>4 ,see ! la/ p>agraph ( ?is ,relation 7,de la ,fu5te2 see1 also1 ,relation vi4 #a74 #ac4 ,galat4 ii4 #bj3 ,vivo autem1 jam non ego3 vivit v]o 9 me ,*ri/us4 #ad4 ,a4,d4 #aegg 7,de la ,fu5te74 #ae4 ,j]ome ,gratian 7id474 #af4 #a ,cor4 x4 #ac3 ,fidelis autem ,deus e/ qui non patietur vos t5t>i supra id quod pote/is4 #ag4 ,don ,vic5te says1 t "h is a pro(--if any 7 want+--t ! ,sa9t wrote ?is aft] h] soj\rn 9 ,seville2 because 9 ,avila & 9 ,ca/ile & ,aragon ! expression is1 our ,lady ( ,dolors2 :ile 9 ,&alucia x is our ,lady ( ,angui%--,nue/ra ,seora de las ,angu/ias4 #ah4 ,fra ,j]ome ,gratian4 #ai4 ,cant4 v4 #a4 #bj4 ,?is 0 ! "n giv5 to ,fra ,j]ome ,gratian1 :5 ! ,sa9t 0 driv51 by ! p]secution rais$ aga9/ h]1 to di/+ui% h] fri5ds by o!r designations ?an ^? by :i* !y 7 usually kn[n3 ?is fragm5t _c h be5 writt5 be=e ! ye> #aegh 7,de la ,fu5te74 #ba4 ,see ! la/ section4 #bb4 ,don ,vic5te publi%$ #be & #bf z fragm5ts sep>ately 7vol4 i4 pp4 #ebd-ebf72 b1 z !y seem to =m a "p ( ! s]ies ( ev5ts spok5 ( 9 ?is ,relation1 !y h be5 plac$ "h4 #bc4 ,fra ,j]ome ,gratian exhibit$ ! brief :i* made him ,visitor-,apo/olic to ! unre=m$ ,c>melites1 :o 7 v angry !reat1 & rude 9 _! vexation4 #bd4 ,see #bf4 ,relation ,x4 ,( a ,revelation to ! ,sa9t at ,avila1 #aegi1 & ( ,c]ta9 ,directions ,conc]n+ ! ,gov]nm5t ( ! ,ord]4 ,9 ,/4 ,joseph ( ,avila1 on ,p5teco/ eve1 9 ! h]mitage ( ,naz>e?1 ?9k+ ( "o ( ! greate/ graces our ,"l _h giv5 me on t day "s tw5ty ye>s be=e1 #a m or less1 my _s 0 vehem5tly /irr$ & grew hot )9 me1 #b & ,i fell into a trance4 ,9 t pr(\nd recollection ,i he>d our ,"l say :at ,i am n[ go+ to tell3 ,i 0 to say to ! ,b>efoot$ ,fa!rs1 z f ,him1 t !y mu/ /rive to obs]ve f\r ?+s2 & t s long z !y obs]v$ !m1 ! ,ord] w\ld increase m & m2 & if !y neglect$ !m1 !y %\ld "k t !y 7 fall+ away f _! fir/ e/ate4 ,! fir/ is1 ! sup]iors ( ! mona/]ies are to be ( "o m9d4 ,! second1 ev5 if !y h _m mona/]ies1 to h b few fri>s 9 ea*4 ,! ?ird1 to conv]se little ) p 9 ! _w1 & t only = ! good ( _! s\ls4 ,! f\r?1 to tea* m by works ?an by words4 ,?is happ5$ 9 ! ye> #aegi2 & because x is a great tru?1 ,i h put my "n to x4 ,t]esa de ,jess4 #a4 ,see ,life1 *4 xxxviii4 #aa4 #b4 ,psalm xxxviii4 #c3 ,concaluit cor meum intra me4 ,relation ,,xi4 ,writt5 f ,pal5cia 9 ,may #aeha1 & ,address$ to ,don ,alonzo ,velasquez1 ,bi%op ( ,osma1 ,:o ,_h ,be51 ,:5 ,canon ( ,tol$o1 ,"o ( ! ,sa9t's ,confessors4 #a ,jesus4 #a4 ,oh1 t ,i c\ld cle>ly expla9 to y\r ,lord%ip ! peace & quiet my s\l has f\nd6 = x has s great a c]ta9ty ( ! fruition ( ,god1 t x seems to be z if already 9 possession1 #b ?\gh ! joy is )held4 ,i am z "o to :om ano!r has grant$ by de$ a l>ge rev5ue1 into ! enjoym5t & use ( :i* he is to come at a c]ta9 "t1 b until !n has no?+ b ! "r already giv5 him to ! rev5ue4 ,9 gratitude = ?is1 my s\l w\ld ab/a9 f ! joy ( x1 because x has n des]v$ x2 x wi%es only to s]ve ,him1 ev5 if 9 great suff]+1 & at times x ?9ks x w\ld be v little if1 till ! end ( ! _w1 x _h to s]ve ,him :o has giv5 x ?is "r2 =1 9 tru?1 x is 9 "s measure no long] subject1 z be=e1 to ! mis]ies ( ?is _w2 ?\gh x suff]s m1 x seems z if only ! habit 7 /ruck1 = my s\l is1 z x 71 9 a =tress ) au?ority1 & accord+ly does n lose its peace4 ,/ill1 ?is confid5ce does n remove f x its great fe> ( (f5d+ ,god1 nor make x less c>eful to put away e h9drance to ,8 s]vice1 yea1 r1 x is m c>eful ?an be=e4 ,b x is s =getful ( its own int]e/s z to seem1 9 "s measure1 to h lo/ itself1 s =getful ( self is x 9 ?is4 ,ev]y?+ is direct$ to ! hon\r ( ,god1 to ! do+ ( ,8 w m & m1 & ! advancem5t ( ,8 glory4 #b4 ,?\gh ?is be s1 yet1 9 all t relates to heal? & ! c>e ( ! body1 x seems to me t ,i am m c>eful ?an ,i 01 t ,i mortify myself less 9 my food1 & d few] p5ances3 x is n s ) ! desires ,i _h2 !y seem to be great]4 ,all ?is is done t ,i may be ! bett] able to s]ve ,god 9 o!r ?+s1 = ,i (f] to ,him v (t51 z a great sacrifice1 ! c>e ,i take ( my body1 & t we>ies me mu*1 & ,i try x sometimes 9 acts ( mortification2 b1 aft] all1 ?is _c be done )\t los+ heal?1 & ,i mu/ n neglect :at my sup]iors comm&4 ,h]e91 & 9 ! wi% = heal?1 mu* self-love also mu/ ins9uate itself2 b1 z x seems to me1 ,i feel t x w\ld give me m pleasure1 & x gave me m pleasure :5 ,i 0 /rong1 to d p5ance1 =1 at lea/1 ,i seem$ to be do+ some?+1 & 0 giv+ a good example1 & ,i 0 free f ! vexation :i* arises out ( ! fact t ,i am n s]v+ ,god at all4 ,y\r ,lord%ip w see :at x w be be/ to d 9 ! matt]4 #c4 ,! imag9>y visions h ceas$1 b ! intellectual vision ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons & ( ! ,sacr$ ,humanity seems ev] pres5t1 & t1 ,i believe1 is a vision ( a mu* high] k9d2 & ,i und]/& n[1 s ,i ?9k1 t ! visions ,i _h came f ,god1 because !y prep>$ my s\l = its pres5t /ate2 !y 7 giv5 only because ,i 0 s wret*$ & s weak3 ,god l$ me by ! way :i* ,he saw 0 necess>y2 b !y are1 9 my op9ion1 ( great wor? :5 !y come f ,god4 #d4 ,! int]ior locutions h n left me1 =1 :5ev] x is necess>y1 our ,"l gives me c]ta9 directions2 & n[1 9 ,pal5cia1 7 x n = ^!1 !re w\ld h be5 committ$ a great blund]1 ?\gh n a s94 #c #e4 ,! acts & desires d n seem to be s vigor\s z !y us$ to be1 =1 ?\gh !y are great1 ,i h "o mu* great] to see ! w ( ,god accompli%$ & ,8 glory increas$2 = z ! s\l is well aw>e t ,8 ,maje/y kn[e? :at is exp$i5t h]e91 & is s f> remov$ f all self-seek+1 ^! acts & desires quickly end1 &1 z x seems to me1 h no /r5g?4 ,h5ce ! fe> ,i h at times ?\gh )\t disquietude & pa9 z =m]ly1 t my s\l is dull$1 & t ,i am do+ no?+1 because ,i c d no p5ance2 acts ( desire = suff]+1 = m>tyrdom1 & ( ! vision ( ,god1 h no /r5g? 9 !m1 &1 mo/ frequ5tly1 ,i _c make !m4 ,i seem to live only = eat+ & dr9k+1 & avoid+ pa9 9 ev]y?+2 & yet ?is gives me none1 except t sometimes1 z ,i said be=e1 ,i am afraid t ?is is a delusion2 b ,i _c believe x1 because s f> z ,i c see1 ,i am n "u ! sway ( any /rong atta*m5t to any creat$ ?+1 n ev5 to all ! bliss ( heav51 b only to ! love ( ,god2 & ?is does n gr[ less1--on ! contr>y1 ,i believe x is gr[+1 toge!r ) ! long+ t all m5 may s]ve ,him4 #f4 ,b1 = all ?is1 "o ?+ amazes me3 ,i h n ! feel+s ,i _h =m]ly1 s /rong & s int]ior1 :i* torm5t$ me :5 ,i saw s\ls g to _! ru91 & :5 ,i us$ to ?9k ,i _h (f5d$ ,god4 ,i _c h ^! feel+s n[1 ?\gh ,i believe my desire t ,god be n s9n$ aga9/ is n less ?an x 04 #g4 ,y\r ,lord%ip mu/ consid] t 9 all ?is1 9 my pres5t z well z 9 my previ\s /ate1 ,i c d no m1 & t x is n 9 my p[] to s]ve ,him bett]3 ,i might d s1 if ,i 7 n s wick$4 ,i may say1 also1 t if ,i 7 n[ to make great ef=ts to wi% to die1 ,i c\ld n1 nor c ,i make ! acts ,i us$ to make1 nor feel ! pa9s ,i felt = hav+ (f5d$ ,god1 nor ! great fe>s ,i _h = s _m ye>s :5 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 "u a delusion3 & accord+ly1 ,i h no ne$ ( le>n$ m51 or ( speak+ to anybody at all1 only to satisfy myself t ,i am go+ ! "r road n[1 & :e!r ,i c d any?+4 ,i h consult$ c]ta9 p]sons on ?is po9t1 ) :om ,i _h tak5 c\nsel on ! o!rs1 ) ,fra ,dom9ic i4e41 ,baes1 ! ,ma/] ,m$9a1 & c]ta9 memb]s ( ! ,society4 ,i w be satisfi$ ) ! answ] :i* y1 my ,"l1 may give me1 because ( ! great tru/ ,i h 9 y\r ,lord%ip4 ,consid] x c>efully1 = ! love ( ,god6 ,nei!r d ,i cease to le>n t c]ta9 s\ls ( p connect$ ) me :5 !y di$ are 9 heav53 ( o!rs ,i le>n no?+4 ,oh1 9 :at solitude ,i f9d myself :5 ,i consid] t ! comp>ison ( :i* ,i spoke to y1 conc]n+ ! return f ,egypt1 does n apply to ! *ild at my "m's brea/4 #d #h4 ,i am at peace )92 & my lik+s & dislik+s h s little p[] to take f me ! ,pres5ce ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons1 ( :i*1 :ile x cont9ues1 x is s impossible to d\bt1 t ,i seem cle>ly to "k by exp]i5ce :at is record$ by ,/4 ,john1 t ,god w make ,8 dwell+ 9 ! s\l3 #e & n only by grace1 b because ,he w h ! s\l feel t pres5ce1 & x br+s ) x s _m bless+s1 p>ticul>ly ?is1 t !re is no ne$ to run aft] reflections to le>n t ,god is !re4 ,?is is almo/ always ! /ate ,i am 91 except :5 my great infirmities oppress me4 ,sometimes1 ,god w h me suff] )\t any inw>d com=t2 b my w nev] sw]ves--n ev5 9 its fir/ movem5ts--f ! w ( ,god4 ,?is resignation to ,8 w is s efficaci\s1 t ,i desire nei!r life nor dea?1 except = "s mom5ts1 :5 ,i long to see ,god2 & !n ! ,pres5ce ( ! ,?ree ,p]sons becomes s di/9ct z to relieve ! pa9 ( ! abs5ce1 & ,i wi% to live--if su* be ,8 good pleasure--to s]ve ,him /ill long]4 ,& if ,i might help1 by my pray]s1 to make b "o s\l love ,him m1 & praise ,him1 & t only = a %ort "t1 ,i ?9k t ( m importance ?an to dwell 9 glory4 ,! unwor?y s]vant & daught] ( y\r ,lord%ip1 ,t]esa de ,jess4 #a4 ,?is ,relation is usually pr9t$ among ! lett]s ( ! ,sa9t1 & ,don ,vic5te did n *ange ! practice1 assign+ z 8 reason ! ,sa9t's ref]5ce 9 #d to c]ta9 transactions 9 :i* %e 0 engag$4 ,! lett] is ! #cccrd 7#ccf? 9 ! second edition71 & ! #d? ( vol4 ii41 ed4 ,doblado1 & is probably ! late/ acc\nt ( ! /ate ( h] s\l1 = %e di$ on ,octob] #d 9 ! foll[+ ye>4 #b4 ,see ,inn] ,=tress1 vii4 *4 ii4 #c4 ,?is relates to ! tak+ ( ! h]mitage ( our ,lady de la ,calle1 9 ,pal5cia 7,de la ,fu5te74 ,see ,f\ndations1 *4 xxix4 #d4 ,la sol$ad que me hace p5s> no se pu$e d> aquel s5tido el que mama los pe*os de mi madre1 la ida de ,egito6 ,?is passage1 ,don ,vic5te obs]ves1 0 omitt$ 9 all editions prior to 82 he does n "k :at x means2 & ! translator c give no correspond+ ,engli% words4 ,transcrib]'s note3 ,! ,spani% quot$ "h 0 pr9t$ 9 ! body ( ! text1 p4 #dgi2 ,engli% r5dition suppli$ f ,corrig5da1 p4 viii4 #e4 ,/4 ,john xiv4 #bc3 ,mansionem apud eum faciemus4 ,index4 ,abec$>io1 ,t]c]1 iv4 #h4 ,agony 9 raptures1 xx4 #ae4 ,ahumada1 de1 ,antonio1 iv4 #a4 ,ahumada1 de1 ,da ,beatriz1 "m ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 dea? (1 i4 #g2 se5 9 heav5 by ! ,sa9t1 xxxviii4 #a4 ,ahumada1 de1 ,juana1 si/] ( ! ,sa9t1 xxxiii4 #ac4 ,alcala1 mona/]y f\nd$ 91 xxxvi4 #bi1 note4 ,alcant>a4 ,see ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a4 ,almsgiv+ ( ! ,sa9t1 i4 #f1 ,rel4 ii4 #c4 ,alv>ez1 ,f4 ,baltas>1 xxiv4 #f1 xxv4 #ah2 mortifies ! ,sa9t1 xxvi4 #d2 humility (1 xxviii4 #bj2 promise (1 to protect ! ,sa9t1 xxviii4 #ba2 always consol$ ! ,sa9t1 xxix4 #e2 hesitates ab\t ! new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #af2 comm&s ! ,sa9t to ab&on x1 xxxiii4 #d2 ord]s h] to proce$1 xxxiii4 #ac4 ,alv>ez1 ,f4 ,rodrigo1 ,rel4 viii4 ,am5dm5t ( life1 ! "w ( pray]1 viii4 #f-ab4 ,amusem5ts1 vii4 #a1 ,rel4 i4 #ad4 ,angels & evil spirits1 vision (1 xxxi4 #aa4 ,angel1 ! ,sa9t's vision ( !1 xxix4 #af-ah4 ,answ]s to ! ,sa9t's pray]s1 xxxix4 #a-g4 ,antony1 ,/41 ( ,padua1 xxii4 #aj4 ,ar&a1 de1 ,don ,gonzalo1 xxxvi4 #ah4 ,aridity1 h[ x comes on 9 ! second /ate ( pray]1 xv4 #ae4 ,art1 !1 ( s]v+ ,god1 xii4 #b4 ,asc5t ( ! ,m\nt1 xxiii4 #ac4 ,assumption1 !1 vision (1 xxxix4 #cg4 ,atta*m5ts1 evil effects ( worldly1 xi4 #e2 xxiii4 #e4 ,augu/91 ,/41 ,confessions (1 ix4 #h2 effect ( read+ !m on ! ,sa9t1 ix4 #i2 say+ (1 xiii4 #d4 ,avila1 bir?place ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 tr\bl$ by ! new f\ndation3 xxxvi4 #ad4 ,avila1 ,bl41 ,juan (1 ,rel4 vii4 #i4 ,bes1 ,fr4 ,dom41 xxxvi4 #ae2 transmits ! ,sa9t's writ+s to ! ,inquisition1 ,rel4 vii4 #af4 ,b>ri5tos4 ,see ,m>t94 ,b>ron1 ,fra ,vic5te1 confessor ( ! ,sa9t's fa!r1 vii4 #bf2 he>s ! confession ( ! ,sa9t1 vii4 #bg1 xix4 #ai4 ,beauty ( our ,"l1 xxviii4 #b1 xxix4 #b1 xxxvii4 #e2 unimag9able1 xxviii4 #g4 ,beg9n]s1 mu/ toil1 xi4 #ac2 & p]sev]e1 xi4 #ae-ag2 n to be afraid ( ! cross1 xi4 #be2 mu/ be cont5t1 xii4 #b2 c]ta9 temptations (1 vii4 #af1 xiii4 #i2 mu/ beg9 humbly1 xv4 #ai4 ,b]n>d1 ,/41 xxii4 #aj4 ,betro?al spiritual1 ( ! ,sa9t1 ,rel4 ix4 #h1 #be4 ,bird1 ! s\l lik5$ to a1 xviii4 #ac1 xix4 #bb4 ,bi%opric1 a1 ! ,sa9t consult$ ab\t ! acceptance (1 xl4 #ba4 ,bless$1 !1 joys (1 x4 #c4 ,bl9dness heal$ ?r\gh ! pray] ( ! ,sa9t1 xxxix4 #a4 ,body1 !1 %>es ! joy ( ! s\l 9 c]ta9 /ates ( pray]1 xvii4 #ad1 xviii4 #ae2 /ate (1 9 raptures1 xx4 #b1 #d1 #bc2 our ,"l se5 by ! ,sa9t always 9 ,8 glorifi$1 xxix4 #d4 ,book1 a liv+1 xxvi4 #f4 ,books insuffici5t )\t a director1 xxii4 #c4 ,borja1 de1 ,/4 ,francis4 ,see ,francis4 ,brief1 !1 sanction+ ! obs]vances ( ,/4 ,joseph's1 xxxiv4 #b1 xxxvi4 #a1 xxxix4 #bj4 ,brizeo1 ,da ,m>ia1 ii4 #ab2 influ5ces ! ,sa9t1 iii4 #a4 ,bulls1 ! ,sabbat9e1 xxxviii4 #dj4 ,c>dona1 de1 ,da ,catal9a1 ,rel4 iii4 #ab4 ,c>mel1 ! ,ord] (1 vision conc]n+1 ,rel4 iii4 #ad2 advice to1 ,rel4 x4 ,cat]pill> ( self-respect1 xxxi4 #bd4 ,ca!r9e1 ,/41 ( ,si5a1 xxii4 #aj4 ,c5sori\sness ( ! _w1 xxxi4 #ai4 ,cep$a1 de1 ,alfonso ,san*ez1 fa!r ( ! ,sa9t1 fond ( spiritual books1 i4 #a2 gives 8 daught] ,m>ia 9 m>riage1 ii4 #d1 note1 #h2 places ! ,sa9t at s*ool 9 a mona/]y1 ii4 #h2 w\ld n cons5t to h] becom+ a nun1 iii4 #i2 takes h] to ,bezadas to be cur$1 v4 #e1 #f2 br+s h] to 8 h\se 9 ,avila1 v4 #ae2 h9d]s h] f mak+ h] confession 9 an illness1 v4 #ag2 p]suad$ by ! ,sa9t to practise m5tal pray]1 vii4 #af2 makes progress !re91 vii4 #bj2 holy dea? (1 vii4 #bb-be2 se5 9 heav5 by ! ,sa9t1 xxxviii4 #a4 ,cep$a1 de1 ,don ,lor5zo1 f9ds money = ! new mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 xxxiii4 #ac4 ,cep$a1 de1 ,m>ia1 si/] ( ! ,sa9t1 ii4 #d2 sudd5 dea? (1 xxxiv4 #bd2 se5 9 heav5 by ! ,sa9t1 xxxiv4 #be4 ,c]da1 de la1 ,da ,luisa1 xxxiv4 #a2 attract$ by ! ,sa9t1 xxxiv4 #d2 visit$ by ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 xxxv4 #f2 tries to amuse ! ,sa9t by %[+ h] diamonds1 xxxviii4 #e2 ! ,sa9t's wat*fulness ov] h]self 9 ! h\se (1 xxxix4 #aa4 ,*e]fulness1 importance (1 xii4 #a4 ,*]ubim1 xxix4 #af4 ,*oice ( a director1 xiii4 #bh1 #bi4 ,*ur*1 !1 c]emonies (1 xxxi4 #d2 ! ,sa9t's rev]5ce =1 xxxiii4 #f4 ,cl>e1 ,/41 enc\rages ! ,sa9t1 xxxiii4 #ae4 ,com=ts1 worldly1 ! ,sa9t's fe> (1 xxxiv4 #d4 ,communion1 effects ( ! ,sa9t's1 xvi4 #c-aj1 xviii4 #aj-ah1 xxx4 #af1 xxxviii4 #bd1 ,rel4 iv4 #e1 ,rel4 ix4 #ac2 ! ,sa9t's long+ =1 xxxix4 #ca2 graces (1 ,rel4 ix4 #bj4 ,compla9t1 lov+1 ( ! ,sa9t1 xxxvii4 #ac4 ,confession1 frequ5t1 ( ! ,sa9t1 v4 #ag2 matt] (1 ,rel4 v4 #aa4 ,confessors1 ! ,sa9t's difficulty 9 f9d+1 iv4 #h1 #ac2 h>m done by ill-in/ruct$1 v4 #f1 #bj1 vi4 #f2 "o ( !m misleads ! ,sa9t1 viii4 #ae2 unskilful1 xx4 #bh2 wrong c\nsel (1 xxvi4 #e2 ( ! ,sa9t h>% ) h]1 xxx4 #ae2 ob$i5ce ( ! ,sa9t to h]1 xxiii4 #ai1 xxxiii4 #d1 #e1 ,rel1 i4 #i2 ! ,sa9t rebuk$ = h] affection to h]1 xxxvii4 #f2 names ( ! ,sa9t's1 ,rel4 vii4 #e1 #aa1 #ab1 #ac4 ,consecration1 p[] ( ! words (1 xxxviii4 #cj4 ,consolations1 xi4 #ba2 n to be s\ght =1 xxii4 #ae4 ,contemplation1 xxii4 #a2 :y grant$ to imp]fect s\ls1 xxii4 #bb1 #bc4 ,contempt1 ,satan %uns1 xxxi4 #aj2 ! ,sa9t direct$ to treat h] visions )1 xxix4 #f4 ,contradiction ( good p1 xxviii4 #bd1 xxx4 #f4 ,conv]sation1 worldly1 vii4 #aj2 dang] (1 ii4 #e1 vii4 #aj2 delight ( our ,"l 9 spiritual1 xxxiv4 #bj4 ,conv]sion ( a wick$ prie/1 v4 #ab2 ( a s9n]1 xxxix4 #e4 ,c\rage ( ! ,sa9t1 viii4 #aj2 necessity (1 x4 #h2 effects (1 xiii4 #c2 necess>y 9 ! way ( p]fection1 xxxi4 #ai4 ,covet\sness1 xxxiii4 #ad4 ,c[>dice1 spiritual1 xiii4 #f4 ,creator1 !1 traces (1 9 ?+s visible1 ix4 #f4 ,crosses1 xi4 #h2 desir$ by s\ls 9 ! pray] ( imp]fect union1 xvi4 #i4 ,cross1 !1 way (1 xi4 #h1 xv4 #ag1 #ba2 necessity ( c>ry+1 xxvii4 #ad4 ,daza1 ,gasp>1 xxiii4 #f2 ?\ght ! ,sa9t 0 delud$ by an evil _s1 xxiii4 #af2 approv$ ( ! new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #ba4 ,delusion1 a1 into :i* ! ,sa9t fell1 xxii4 #c2 ! ,sa9t always pray$ to be deliv]$ f1 xxix4 #f4 ,delusions incid5tal to locutions1 xxv4 #c1 #aa4 ,desires1 good1 xiii4 #h1 xxi4 #i1 ,rel4 xi4 #e4 ,desolation1 spiritual1 ( ! ,sa9t1 xxx4 #aj4 ,deta*m5t1 bless+ (1 xi4 #b1 xxxiv4 #bj2 necessity (1 = pray]1 xi4 #af1 xv4 #ag2 ( ! p]fect1 xv4 #ah2 an effect ( raptures1 xviii4 #h1 xx4 #aj2 takes away ! fe> ( dea?1 xxxviii4 #g2 ! ,sa9t's1 f k9dr$1 xxxi4 #bb1 ,rel4 ii4 #e1 ,rel4 ix4 #aa2 f directors1 ,rel4 iv4 #c4 ,detraction1 avoid$ by ! ,sa9t1 vi4 #d1 vii4 #c2 ins5sibility to1 ,rel4 ii4 #d4 ,detractors1 ! ,sa9t prays = h]1 xix4 #aa4 ,devotion1 sweetness 91 nev] ask$ = by ! ,sa9t1 ix4 #aj2 b once1 ix4 #aa2 ^? :o seek x c5sur$1 xi4 #ba2 ! ,sa9t's1 increas$ by difficulties1 xxviii4 #aj4 ,die1 ei!r to1 or suff]1 xl4 #bg4 ,direction1 unskilful1 viii4 #ae1 #af2 importance (1 xiii4 #d2 me?ods ( wrong1 xiii4 #be2 n to be ! same = all1 xxxix4 #af4 ,directors ought to be exp]i5c$1 xiii4 #ba2 & prud5t1 xiii4 #bd2 & le>n$1 xiii4 #bf2 *oice (1 xiii4 #bh2 *>ity (1 xiii4 #bi2 %\ld be secret1 xxiii4 #ad2 & humble1 xxxiv4 #ae2 %\ld be tru/$1 xxxix4 #ce2 necess>y1 xl4 #ab2 ! ,sa9t pref]r$ ^? :o di/ru/$ h]1 ,rel4 vii4 #ah4 ,disc\ragem5ts1 xi4 #ae2 mu/ be resi/$1 xix4 #f2 c]ta9 causes (1 xxxi4 #ba4 ,discretion1 xi4 #bc1 xiii4 #b2 excessive1 xiii4 #h4 ,di/raction ( ! und]/&+ 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xv4 #aj1 xxx4 #ai2 9 mona/]ies n caus$ by pov]ty1 xxxv4 #c4 ,di/ru/ ( self1 viii4 #ah1 ix4 #c2 necessity (1 xix4 #bj4 ,dom9e1 da mihi aquam1 xxx4 #bd4 ,dom9icans1 !1 help ,/4 ,t]esa1 v4 #h1 ,rel4 vii4 #aa-ad4 ,dom9ion1 true1 xl4 #ba4 ,dove1 vision ( a1 xxxviii4 #ac1 #ad4 ,ecija1 v[ ( ! ,sa9t 9 ! h]mitage (1 ,rel4 vi4 #c4 ,ec/asy1 xx4 #a2 h[ wr\ght1 xx4 #b2 fe> dur+1 xx4 #i2 fir/1 ( ! ,sa9t1 xxiv4 #g4 ,egypt1 fle%-pots (1 xv4 #e4 ,elevation ( ! _s n to be attempt$ 9 union1 xviii4 #h4 ,eliseus4 ,see ,j]ome1 ,fra1 ( ! ,"m ( ,god4 ,enclosure1 obs]vance (1 h[ important1 vii4 #e4 ,end[m5ts n accept$ by ! ,sa9t = h] mona/]ies1 xxxv4 #d1 #e2 (f]$ = ,/4 ,joseph1 xxxvi4 #ai2 & =bidd5 by a ,brief1 xxxix4 #bj4 ,envy1 a holy1 xxxix4 #ai4 ,exorcisms1 ! ,sa9t ?reat5$ )1 ,boll4 #baa1 xxix4 #d4 ,exp]i5ce1 m valuable ?an books1 xiv4 #aj2 a safegu>d aga9/ delusion1 xiv4 #aa4 ,fai?1 !1 ,satan 0 nev] able to make ! ,sa9t d\bt1 xix4 #ac2 bless$ effects (1 xxv4 #af4 ,falls turn to our good1 xix4 #h4 ,fe>1 xxv4 #bg2 ( ,god1 xxvi4 #a4 ,f\nd]s ( religi\s ,ord]s1 xxxii4 #ag4 ,francis1 ,/41 xxii4 #aj4 ,francis1 ,/41 de ,borja visits ! ,sa9t1 xxiv4 #d2 consult$ by h]1 ,rel4 vii4 #e4 ,fri5d%ip1 advantages ( spiritual1 vii4 #cc-cg1 xxx4 #f2 ) ,god1 xv4 #h2 ! ,sa9t's deta*m5t f1 xxiv4 #h4 ,fri5d%ip1 worldly1 dang]s (1 ii4 #d1 v4 #i2 deceitfulness (1 xxi4 #a4 ,g>d51 ! pray] 9 !1 ix4 #e2 ! s\l lik5$ to a1 xi4 #aj1 xiv4 #ac4 ,gifts ( ,god1 !1 importance ( disc]n+1 x4 #d2 dem& our gratitude1 x4 #g2 supply /r5g?1 x4 #h2 a grace to und]/&1 xvii4 #g2 ! ,sa9t errone\sly advis$ to conceal1 xxvi4 #e2 giv5 accord+ to ,8 w1 xxxiv4 #ad1 xxxix4 #ab2 ! ,sa9t's joy :5 o!rs receiv$1 xxxiv4 #ba4 ,god1 s5se ( ! pres5ce (1 x4 #a2 helps ^? :o love ,him1 xi4 #ai2 nev] fails ^? :o tru/ ,him1 xiii4 #ae2 munific5ce (1 xviii4 #e2 ! ,sa9t has a vision (1 xl4 #ac1 #ad2 pa9 ( abs5ce f1 ,rel4 iv4 #f4 ,grace1 pray] ! door (1 viii4 #ac2 comes aft] trials1 xi4 #ah2 ! ,sa9t's di/ress because %e c\ld n "k :e!r %e 0 9 a /ate (1 xxxiv4 #ab2 vision ( a s\l 91 ,rel4 iii4 #ac4 ,guzman1 de1 y ,b>ri5tos1 ,don ,m>t91 sudd5 dea? (1 xxxiv4 #bd4 ,h>d%ips ( ! religi\s life1 xiii4 #cj4 ,heal?1 anxiety ab\t1 v4 #c-h2 importance (1 9 ! spiritual life1 xi4 #bc2 to be made little (1 xiii4 #i4 ,heav51 ,que5 (1 xix4 #i2 reveal$ 9 raptures1 xxxiii4 #af1 xxxviii4 #h4 ,hell1 a vision (1 xxx4 #ad1 xxxii4 #a2 effects (1 on ! ,sa9t1 xxxii4 #g-aj4 ,h]etics1 self-condemn$1 vii4 #h2 evil /ate (1 xxxii4 #i2 resemble a brok5 mirror1 xl4 #i4 ,hil>ion1 ,/41 ! ,sa9t comm5ds h]self to1 xxvii4 #b4 ,hon\r1 po9t (1 xxi4 #ab4 ,hugo1 ,fra1 ,c>d9al ( ,santa ,sab9a1 xxxvi4 #bg4 ,humanity1 ! ,sacr$1 xii4 #c1 xxii4 #a2 mi/ake ( ! ,sa9t conc]n+1 xxii4 #c2 s\rce ( all grace1 xxii4 #i2 nev] to be lo/ sight ( 9 pray]1 xxii4 #aa2 ! ,sa9t direct$ to fix h] ?\ghts on1 xxiii4 #ah2 ! ,sa9t r5ews h] love (1 xxiv4 #b2 vision (1 xxviii4 #d1 xxxviii4 #bb4 ,humility1 advantages (1 vii4 #cg1 xii4 #i2 false k9ds (1 x4 #d1 xiii4 #d2 ! f\ndation ( ! ,*ri/ian life1 xii4 #e2 wor? m ?an all ! sci5ce 9 ! _w1 xv4 #ac2 gr[s mo/ 9 ! /ate ( p]fect union1 xix4 #b2 dang]s ( false1 xix4 #ae-bc2 acquir$ 9 raptures1 xx4 #ch2 f\ndation ( pray] mu/ be laid 91 xxii4 #af2 a false1 ! mo/ crafty device ( ,satan1 xxx4 #ab2 ask+ = consolations n consi/5t )1 xxxix4 #ba-bc4 ,hypocrisy1 ! ,sa9t n tempt$ to1 vii4 #b1 ,rel4 i4 #ah4 ,ibaez1 ,fra ,p$ro1 x4 #aj1 note1 xvi4 #aj2 note #f2 consult$ by ! ,sa9t ab\t ! new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #ai2 enc\rages ! ,sa9t to p]sev]e1 xxxii4 #bj2 confid5t ( success1 xxxiii4 #e2 dep>ts f ,avila1 xxxiii4 #g2 advises ! ,sa9t to accept an end[m5t = ! new f\ndation1 xxxv4 #e2 *anges 8 op9ion1 xxxv4 #g2 & helps ! ,sa9t1 xxxvi4 #bc2 se5 by ! ,sa9t 9 a vision1 xxxviii4 #ae1 #af4 ,illness ( ,/4 ,t]esa1 iv4 #f1 v4 #d2 extreme sev]ity (1 v4 #ad4 ,image ( our ,"l n to be mock$1 xxix4 #g4 ,images1 devotion ( ! ,sa9t to1 vii4 #c2 effects (1 on h]1 ix4 #a-c2 great bless+ (1 ix4 #g4 ,imag9ation ( ,/4 ,t]esa n active1 ix4 #f2 we>isome to h]1 xvii4 #i4 ,imitation ( ! ,sa9ts1 xiii4 #e-i4 ,imp]fections1 root+ up (1 xiv4 #ad4 ,impetuosities 9 pray]1 xxix4 #aa-ac1 ,rel4 i4 #c1 ,rel4 viii4 #ac4 ,impetuosities ( div9e love1 xxix4 #aj1 #aa1 #ac1 xxxiii4 #i2 physical effects (1 xxix4 #ae4 ,inc>nation1 ! mona/]y ( !1 ! ,sa9t ent]s1 iv4 #a2 ! nuns (1 compla9 ( ! ,sa9t1 xix4 #ab2 ! ,sa9t tempt$ to leave1 xxxi4 #af2 ! rule n /rictly obs]v$ 91 xxxii4 #ab2 ! ,sa9t's affection =1 xxxii4 #ac1 xxxiii4 #c2 nuns (1 object to ! new f\ndation1 xxxiii4 #b2 election ( prioress1 xxxv4 #h2 ! ,sa9t returns to1 f ,tol$o1 xxxv4 #aj1 xxxvi4 #a2 tr\bl$ because ( ! new f\ndation1 xxxvi4 #aa4 ,indisposition1 bodily1 evil effects (1 on ! spiritual life1 xi4 #bc4 ,+ratitude1 delusion aris+ f ! dread (1 xxiv4 #f2 ! ,sa9t bewails h]1 xiv4 #af4 ,inquisition1 !1 ?reats ( d5\nc+ ! ,sa9t to1 xxxiii4 #f4 ,inspirations1 good1 n to be resi/$1 iv4 #c4 ,int5tions1 good1 no excuse = an evil act1 v4 #ab4 ,j]ome1 ,fra1 ( ! ,"m ( ,god1 ,rel4 vi4 #a-c1 ,rel4 ix4 #g1 #ba1 #bc1 #bf4 ,j]ome1 ,/41 xi4 #ag1 xxxviii4 #b2 ! ,sa9t reads ! lett]s (1 iii4 #h4 ,jesus1 ! ,society (1 helps ! ,sa9t1 v4 #h2 s\ght by h]1 xxiii4 #c1 #ai2 visions conc]n+1 xxxviii4 #ag1 #ci4 ,job1 pati5ce (1 v4 #af2 trial (1 xxx4 #ab4 ,john1 ,/41 ( ! ,cross1 ,rel4 iii4 #ai4 ,joseph1 ,/41 great devotion ( ! ,sa9t to1 vi4 #i1 xxx4 #h1 xxxvi4 #e2 ! tea*] ( pray]1 vi4 #ab2 enc\rages ! ,sa9t1 xxxiii4 #ad2 vision (1 xxxiii4 #af4 ,joseph1 ,/41 ! mona/]y (1 pur*ase ( ! site (1 xxxii4 #bb2 n to be subject to ! ,ord]1 xxxiii4 #ah2 p>adise ( ,god's delight1 xxxv4 #ac2 f\ndation (1 xxxvi4 #d2 de/ruction (1 ?reat5$ by ! c\ncil ( ! city1 xxxvi4 #ad2 obta9s ! good w ( ! p1 xxxvi4 #be2 goodness ( ! nuns (1 xxxix4 #ad4 ,joys1 ( pray]1 x4 #c2 ( visions1 xxvii4 #ac2 ( ! sav$1 xxvii4 #ae4 ,judas1 temptation (1 xix4 #af4 ,judgm5t1 day (1 xl4 #af4 ,k9dr$1 deta*m5t f1 xxxi4 #bb1 ,rel4 ix4 #aa4 ,k+s1 obligations (1 xxi4 #b1 #d2 :]e9 lies ! p[] (1 xxxvii4 #h4 ,lab\r]1 /ory ( a1 xxxviii4 #bf4 ,laxity 9 religi\s h\ses1 vii4 #f-aj4 ,le>n+1 accompani$ ) humility1 a help to pray]1 xii4 #f2 useful 9 directors1 xiii4 #bd-bf2 ! ,sa9t wi%es =1 xiv4 #i2 n necess>y 9 pray]1 xv4 #ab4 ,lie1 a1 ,satan is1 xxv4 #bf2 ! ,sa9t's hatr$ (1 xxviii4 #f4 ,life1 !1 ( ! ,sa9t1 "u :at circum/ances writt51 x4 #aa4 ,life1 we>9ess (1 xxi4 #h2 ! illum9ative1 xxii4 #a4 ,light ( visions1 xxviii4 #g1 xxxviii4 #c4 ,locutions1 div9e1 xix4 #ad1 xxv4 #a1 #b2 delusions incid5tal to1 xxv4 #c1 #aa2 efficacy (1 xxv4 #e1 #ab2 human1 xxv4 #h2 ,satanic1 xxv4 #ac2 te/s ( ! ,satanic1 xxv4 #ag2 nature (1 xxvi4 #c2 /ate ( ! und]/&+ dur+1 xxvii4 #aj2 effects ( ! div9e1 xxxviii4 #ai-ba4 ,locutions he>d by ! ,sa9t1 xviii4 #ah1 xix4 #ac1 xxiv4 #g1 xxv4 #bb1 xxvi4 #c1 #f1 xxix4 #g1 xxx4 #ag1 xxxi4 #ae1 xxxii4 #ag1 xxxiii4 #aj1 #ad1 xxxv4 #g1 #i1 xxxvi4 #bj1 xxxviii4 #d1 #ai1 #bj1 xxxix4 #bi1 #cd1 xl4 #a1 #ba1 #bd1 ,rel4 iii4 #a1 passim1 ,rel4 iv4 #d1 #e1 #f1 ,rel4 ix4 #a1 passim4 ,"l1 our1 acc\nt$ mad1 xxvii4 #ae4 ,love1 joy\s1 9 see+ a picture ( ,*ri/1 ix4 #g2 s]vants (1 xi4 #a2 :]e9 x consi/s1 xi4 #bj2 vehem5t 9 p]fect s\ls1 xv4 #f2 effects ( div9e1 xxii4 #ba2 makes itself kn[n )\t words1 xxvii4 #ab2 impetuosities (1 xxix4 #aj1 #aa2 fire (1 xxx4 #be4 ,loyalty1 worldly1 v4 #i4 ,ludolf ( ,saxony1 xxxviii4 #aa4 ,lukew>mness1 vii4 #a4 ,lu!rans1 xxxii4 #i1 ,rel4 ii4 #ad2 de/roy]s ( images1 ,rel4 v4 #e4 ,madness1 spiritual1 xvi4 #a-h1 xxvii4 #ae4 ,magdal5e1 !1 ix4 #b1 xxi4 #i2 h] example to be foll[$1 xxii4 #ai4 ,mancio1 ,f41 ,rel4 ii4 #ah4 ,mantles ( ! religi\s fold$ by ! ,sa9t1 xxxi4 #bg4 ,m>ia ( ,jesus1 xxxv4 #a2 f\nds a h\se 9 ,alcala de ,h5>es1 xxxvi4 #bi4 ,m>t91 ,don1 ,guzman y ,b>ri5tos1 m>ries a si/] ( ! ,sa9t1 ii4 #d1 note1 iii4 #d2 sudd5 dea? (1 xxxiv4 #bd4 ,m>tyrdom desir$ by ! ,sa9t1 i4 #d4 ,m>tyrs1 !1 suff]+s (1 xvi4 #f4 ,m>y & ,m>?a1 xvii4 #f1 xxii4 #ac4 ,m$itation1 advantage (1 iv4 #aa2 fruits (1 xi4 #bj2 example ( a1 xiii4 #ai2 ! p]fect may h to return to1 xv4 #bj4 ,memory1 !1 9 ! pray] ( imp]fect union1 xvii4 #e1 #i2 tr\blesome1 b n hurtful1 xvii4 #aa4 ,m5doza1 de1 ,don ,alv>o1 ,bi%op ( ,avila1 xxxiii4 #ai2 protects ! new mona/]y ( ,/4 ,joseph1 xxxvi4 #ah4 ,m51 great1 difficult ( access1 xxxvii4 #g4 ,m]cies ( ,god1 ! remembrance (1 xv4 #bc4 ,mi*ael1 ,/41 ! ,sa9t comm5ds h]self to1 xxvii4 #b4 ,misdirection1 a1 correct$ by ! ,sa9t1 xiii4 #bb4 ,mitigation1 ! ,bull (1 xxxii4 #ab2 disus$ 9 ! new mona/]y1 xxxvi4 #bg1 #bh4 ,mona/]ies1 c\rts 9 polit5ess1 xxxvii4 #ag4 ,munific5ce ( ,god1 xviii4 #e1 xxii4 #bf4 ,neatness1 excessive1 ii4 #b1 ,rel4 i4 #bc4 ,novices 9 ,/4 ,joseph's1 xxxix4 #ae4 ,novitiate ( ! ,sa9t1 v4 #a4 ,nun1 illness ( a1 9 ! mona/]y ( ! ,inc>nation1 v4 #c2 visions conc]n+ a1 xxxviii4 #cg1 #ch4 ,ob$i5ce1 ! ,sa9t writes "u1 xviii4 #aj2 /rict obs]vance (1 9 ! ,society ( ,jesus1 xxxiii4 #i2 ( ! ,sa9t to h] confessors1 xxiii4 #ai1 ,rel4 i4 #i1 #bi1 ,rel4 vii4 #ad4 ,objects1 natural1 mov$ ! ,sa9t to devotion1 ix4 #f4 ,ocampo1 de1 ,m>y1 xxxii4 #ac1 note4 ,(fice1 ! div9e1 ! ,sa9t's imp]fect k (1 xxxi4 #bf4 ,ord]1 vision conc]n+ a c]ta91 xl4 #ah1 #ai4 ,osorno1 ,c\ntess (1 ,rel4 iii4 #af4 ,ovalle1 de1 ,don ,juan1 xxxv4 #ad1 note2 provid5tial illness (1 xxxvi4 #b4 ,padranos1 de1 ,juan1 xxiii4 #ah2 directs ! ,sa9t1 xxiv4 #a2 remov$ f ,avila1 xxiv4 #e4 ,pa9 ( raptures1 xx4 #aa2 sweetness (1 xx4 #ai4 ,p>adise ( ,8 delight1 xxxv4 #ac4 ,pass] solit>ius1 xx4 #ac4 ,passion1 !1 devotion ( ! ,sa9t to1 ix4 #e2 m$itation on1 xiii4 #ai1 #bj1 xxii4 #h4 ,pati5ce ( a nun1 v4 #c2 ( ! ,sa9t1 v4 #af2 ( ,god1 viii4 #h4 ,p5ance1 necessity (1 xxvii4 #ad2 ( ! ,sa9t1 xxiv4 #b1 ,rel4 i4 #e1 ,rel4 ii4 #aa1 ,rel4 xi4 #b4 ,p]fection1 xxi4 #aj2 true safety lies 91 xxxv4 #ae2 n always atta9$ to because ( _m ye>s sp5t 9 pray]1 xxxix4 #ba4 ,p]secution1 ( ! ,sa9t1 xix4 #ab1 xxxvi4 #ab2 bless+s (1 xxxiii4 #e4 ,p]sev]ance 9 pray]1 viii4 #e2 fruits (1 xi4 #f2 rew>d (1 c]ta91 xi4 #ag2 ! ,sa9t prays =1 xiv4 #ag2 & recomm5ds1 xix4 #g4 ,pet]1 ,/41 ( ,alcant>a1 xxvii4 #d2 p5it5tial life (1 xxvii4 #ag-ba1 xxx4 #b2 p[] (1 ) ,god1 xxvii4 #bb2 und]/&s & com=ts ! ,sa9t1 xxx4 #e1 #g1 ,rel4 vii4 #f2 quiets a scruple ( ! ,sa9t1 xxx4 #bj2 approves ( ! new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #af2 & ( ! obs]vance ( pov]ty 9 x1 xxxv4 #f2 9 ,avila :5 ! ,sa9t came back f ,tol$o1 xxxvi4 #a2 dea? (1 xxxvi4 #a1 note2 appe>s to ! ,sa9t1 xxxvi4 #bj1 #ba2 said t wom5 make great] progress ?an m51 xl4 #ab4 ,pho5ix1 !1 xxxix4 #cc4 ,pilgrims1 xxxviii4 #h4 ,pill>1 !1 m$itations on ,*ri/ at1 xiii4 #ai1 #ca4 ,polit5ess1 mona/]ies c\rts 91 xxxvii4 #ag4 ,pov]ty1 effects ( defective1 xi4 #c2 ( _s1 xxii4 #ag2 ! ,sa9t's love (1 xxxv4 #c1 ,rel4 i4 #aj1 ,rel4 ii4 #b4 ,pray]1 m5tal1 viii4 #g2 bless+s (1 viii4 #ab2 joys (1 x4 #c2 ! ,sa9t's f\r /ates (1 xi4 #ab2 fruit ( m5tal1 xi4 #bj2 vocal1 xii4 #c2 doctr9e (1 difficult1 xiii4 #ah2 importance ( p]sev]+ 91 xv4 #e2 mu/ h its f\ndations 9 humility1 xxii4 #af2 ( ! ,sa9t cont9u$ 9 sleep1 xxix4 #i2 effects ( int]cessory1 xxxi4 #i2 two k9ds (1 xxxix4 #h-aj2 ! ,sa9t's me?od (1 ,rel4 i4 #a4 ,prea*]s1 xvi4 #ab4 ,pres5ce ( ,god1 !1 xviii4 #bj2 practice ( !1 xii4 #c2 effects (1 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xiv4 #h2 diff]5t f vision1 xxvii4 #f4 ,prie/1 conv]sion ( an evil-liv+1 v4 #i1 xxxi4 #g2 vision conc]n+ a1 xxxviii4 #bi4 ,progress made 9 ! way ( raptures1 xxi4 #aa4 ,prophecies made to ! ,sa9t1 xxxiv4 #bc2 fulfill$1 ,rel4 ii4 #f1 #ag4 ,prov9cial1 !1 ( ! ,c>melites (f]s to accept ! new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #af2 !n decl9es x1 xxxii4 #ah2 s5ds ! ,sa9t to ,tol$o1 xxxiv4 #b2 recalls h]1 xxxv4 #h2 reprim&s ! ,sa9t1 xxxvi4 #ab2 all[s ! ,sa9t to live 9 ! new mona/]y1 xxxvi4 #bc2 dea? (1 xxxviii4 #cd-cf4 ,purgatory1 ! ,sa9t saw c]ta9 s\ls :o 7 n s5t to1 xxxviii4 #da2 & deliv]s o!rs f1 xxxix4 #f4 ,que5 ( heav51 !1 devotion to1 xix4 #i4 ,quiet1 ! pray] (1 iv4 #i1 ix4 #f1 xiv4 #a1 passim2 di/urb$ by ! memory & ! und]/&+1 xiv4 #e2 joy ( ! s\l 91 xiv4 #g2 few s\ls pass beyond1 xv4 #c1 #g2 great fruits (1 xv4 #f2 h[ ! s\l is to ord] itself 91 xv4 #i2 diff]5ce betwe5 ! true & false1 xv4 #ae4 ,rank1 slav]y (1 xxxiv4 #f4 ,rapture1 xx4 #a2 irresi/ible1 xx4 #c1 xxii4 #bj2 effects (1 xx4 #i1 #cj2 pa9 (1 xx4 #aa2 lonel9ess ( ! s\l 91 xx4 #ac2 *>act]i/ics (1 xx4 #bc2 duration (1 xx4 #be2 physical effects (1 xx4 #bi1 ,rel4 i4 #bf1 iv4 #a2 made ! ,sa9t long = heav51 xxxviii4 #h2 good effects (1 ,rel4 i4 #h1 #ae4 ,read+1 spiritual1 i4 #a1 iv4 #ab1 #ac2 p]sev]$ 9 by ! ,sa9t1 viii4 #ad2 long unpr(itable to h]1 xii4 #aj2 impossible 9 ! pray] ( p]fect union1 xviii4 #ad2 a delight1 ,rel4 i4 #g4 ,recollection1 pray] (1 xiv4 #b1 ,rel4 viii4 #c4 ,recreation1 xiii4 #a4 ,reflections1 mak+1 :5 dang]\s 9 pray]1 xv4 #aa4 ,re=m1 ! ,c>melite1 beg9n+ (1 xxxii4 #ac4 ,religi\s mu/ despise ! _w1 xxvii4 #af4 ,resignation ( ! ,sa9t1 xxi4 #f1 ,rel4 i4 #bj4 ,revelations1 ! ,sa9t nev] spoke ( h]1 :5 %e consult$ h] confessors1 xxxii4 #ai4 ,ros>y1 !1 ( ! ,sa9t1 xxix4 #h4 ,rule1 ! ,c>melite1 mitigation (1 xxxii4 #ab2 re/or$ by ! ,sa9t1 xxxvi4 #bg2 obs]vance (1 xxxvi4 #cj1 #ca4 ,salas>1 de1 ,angel4 ,see ,prov9cial4 ,salaz>1 de1 ,gasp>1 ,rector ( ! ,society ( ,jesus 9 ,avila1 xxxiii4 #i2 und]/&s ! /ate ( ! ,sa9t1 xxxiii4 #aa2 bids ! ,sa9t g to ,tol$o1 xxxiv4 #b2 vision ( ! ,sa9t conc]n+1 xxxviii4 #ag4 ,salc$o1 de1 ,don ,francisco1 xxiii4 #f2 gives spiritual advice to ! ,sa9t1 xxiii4 #aa2 fe>s delusions1 xxiii4 #ab2 helps ! ,sa9t 9 h] new f\ndation1 xxxii4 #ba1 xxxvi4 #ba2 hospitable1 xxxvi4 #a2 gives ,communion to ! ,sa9t :5 a prie/1 ,rel4 iii4 #g4 ,sam>ia1 ! woman (1 xxx4 #bd4 ,satan1 subtlety (1 iv4 #ad2 an artifice (1 vii4 #ab1 #ce2 sugge/s a false humility1 xiii4 #e2 & a c>efulness = heal?1 xiii4 #i2 afraid ( le>n$ directors :o are humble1 xiii4 #bf2 ef=ts (1 to deceive1 h[ ?w>t$1 xv4 #af2 tempt$ ! ,sa9t to give up pray]1 xix4 #h2 a lie1 xxv4 #bf2 unable to c\nt]feit intellectual visions1 xxvii4 #d-h2 tries to c\nt]feit imag9>y visions1 xxviii4 #ae2 appe>s to ! ,sa9t1 xxxi4 #b2 dislikes contempt1 xxxi4 #aj2 wiles (1 ,rel4 i4 #bi4 ,sc&al1 xxvii4 #af4 ,scorn1 signs (1 n to be made dur+ visions1 xxix4 #f4 ,self1 contempt (1 necess>y 9 ! spiritual life1 xxxi4 #bc4 ,self-d5ial1 necessity (1 xxxi4 #be4 ,self-k1 xiii4 #bc4 ,self-love1 xi4 #b2 /rong & hurtful1 xi4 #d1 #e4 ,self-respect1 h>m (1 xxi4 #ab4 ,s5ses1 !1 susp5sion (1 9 ! pray] ( p]fect union1 xviii4 #ai4 ,s5sitiv5ess1 xi4 #d4 ,s]mons1 viii4 #ag2 )\t simplicity1 xvi4 #ab4 ,%ame1 good fruits (1 v4 #i4 ,sicknesses ( ! ,sa9t1 xxx4 #i4 ,sickness s5t = p5ance1 xxiv4 #b4 ,sight re/or$ at ! pray] ( ! ,sa9t1 xxxix4 #a4 ,s9c]ity ( ! ,sa9t1 ,rel4 i4 #bh4 ,s91 occasions (1 viii4 #ad2 pa9 occasion$ by ! s9s ( o!rs1 xiii4 #ad2 orig9al1 xxx4 #bj2 ! ,sa9t1 by h] pray]s1 h9d]s a great1 xxxix4 #c2 wick$ness (1 xl4 #ae2 vision ( a s\l 91 ,rel4 iii4 #ac4 ,s9s1 ! ,sa9t cons5ts to ! divulg+ ( h]1 x4 #aj4 ,solitude1 long+s =1 i4 #f1 vi4 #e1 ,rel4 i4 #f4 ,sorc]y1 v4 #aj4 ,soto1 de1 ! ,inquisitor1 ,rel4 vii4 #h4 ,s\l1 our own1 ! fir/ object1 xiii4 #ac1 #ad2 lik5$ to a g>d51 xi4 #aj1 xiv4 #ac2 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xv4 #a2 gr[? (1 xv4 #bj2 p[]s (1 9 ! pray] ( imp]fect union1 xvi4 #a1 #d2 beside itself1 xvi4 #a-e2 crucifixion (1 9 raptures1 xx4 #ad2 deta*m5t ( ! enraptur$1 xx4 #cc2 /r5g!n$ 9 raptures1 xxi4 #ad2 effects ( visions 91 xxvii4 #aa2 helplessness (1 )\t ,god1 xxxvii4 #aa2 vision ( a lo/ s\l1 xxxviii4 #ca2 ! ,sa9t's vision ( h] own1 xl4 #h2 & (1 9 a /ate ( grace1 ,rel4 iii4 #ac1 ,rel4 v4 #f4 ,_s1 lib]ty (1 xi4 #be2 pov]ty (1 xxii4 #ag2 flight ( !1 xviii4 #h1 ,rel4 viii4 #aa4 ,spirits1 evil1 put to flight1 xxv4 #be2 by holy wat]1 xxxi4 #d4 ,spirituality influ5c$ by bodily heal?1 xi4 #bd4 ,su>ez1 ,juana1 iii4 #b2 accompanies ! ,sa9t to ,bezadas1 iv4 #f4 ,suff]+s1 physical1 ( ! ,sa9t1 iv4 #g1 v4 #d1 #ad1 vi4 #a2 ( raptures1 xx4 #af2 ! ,sa9t longs =1 xl4 #bg4 ,sweetness1 spiritual1 nev] s\ght by ! ,sa9t b once1 ix4 #aa2 seek]s (1 c5sur$1 xi4 #ba2 ( ! pa9 ( raptures1 xx4 #ai2 ! ,sa9t unable to resi/ x at times1 xxiv4 #a4 ,te>s1 gift (1 iv4 #h1 xxix4 #aa2 ( ! ,sa9t be=e a picture ( ! ,passion1 ix4 #a2 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xiv4 #e2 9 ! pray] ( p]fect union1 xix4 #a1 #b2 ! ,sa9t prays ,god to accept h]1 xix4 #aj4 ,temptation1 p[] (1 xxx4 #ac4 ,t5d]ness ( s\l1 x4 #b4 ,t]esa1 ,/41 desires m>tyrdom1 i4 #d2 plac$ 9 a mona/]y1 ii4 #h2 unwill+ to become a nun1 ii4 #aj2 becomes m f]v5t1 iii4 #b2 is resolv$ to foll[ h] vocation1 iii4 #f2 fir/ f]v\rs (1 iv4 #b2 failure ( heal?1 iv4 #f2 ,god s5ds h] an illness1 v4 #d2 suff]s griev\sly1 vi4 #a2 afraid ( pray]1 vi4 #e2 leads h] fa!r to pray]1 vii4 #af2 pres5t at h] fa!r's dea?1 vii4 #bb2 p]sev]es 9 pray]1 viii4 #b2 f\nd x h>d to pray1 viii4 #aj2 delights 9 s]mons1 viii4 #ag2 dev\t to ! ,magdal5e1 ix4 #b2 nev] d\bt$ ( ,god's m]cy1 ix4 #h2 depreciates h]self1 x4 #i2 will+ to h h] s9s divulg$1 x4 #aj2 always s\ght = light1 x4 #ac2 compla9s ( h] memory1 xi4 #i2 unable to expla9 ! /ate ( h] s\l1 xii4 #aj2 sup]naturally enlight5$1 xii4 #aa2 reads books on pray] to no purpose1 xiv4 #aj2 writes ) _m h9drances1 xiv4 #ab1 xl4 #cb2 bewails h] +ratitude1 xiv4 #af2 sc>cely und]/ood a ^w ( ,lat91 xv4 #ab2 und]/&s h] /ate 9 ! pray] ( imp]fect union1 xvi4 #c2 & describes x1 xvi4 #f2 bewails h] unwor?9ess1 xviii4 #f2 writes "u ob$i5ce1 xviii4 #aj2 confesses ignorance1 xviii4 #bj2 ab&ons h] pray]s = a "t1 xix4 #h2 evil spok5 (1 xix4 #ab2 misl$ by false humility1 xix4 #bc2 prays to be deliv]$ f raptures1 xx4 #e1 #f2 nev] c>$ = money1 xx4 #cd2 gives up h] :ole be+ to ,god1 xxi4 #g2 unable to le>n f books1 xxii4 #c2 afraid ( delusions1 xxiii4 #c2 is direct$ by a layman1 xxiii4 #aj2 sev]e to h]self1 xxiv4 #b2 h] fir/ ec/asy1 xxiv4 #g2 _h no visions be=e ! pray] ( union1 xxv4 #ad2 told by h] confessor t %e 0 delud$ by ,satan1 xxv4 #ah2 prays to be l$ by a diff]5t spiritual way1 xxv4 #bj1 xxvii4 #c1 ,rel4 vii4 #g2 n afraid ( ,satan1 xxv4 #bg2 spok5 aga9/1 xxvi4 #c2 tr\bles (1 because ( visions1 xxvii4 #d1 xxviii4 #f2 h] def5ce :5 told t h] visions 7 false1 xxviii4 #ah1 #ai2 afraid nobody w\ld he> h] confession1 xxviii4 #bj2 h>%ly judg$ by h] directors1 xxviii4 #bc2 w\ld n ex*ange h] visions = all ! pleasures ( ! _w1 xxix4 #e2 vehem5ce ( h] love1 xxix4 #aj2 h] sup]natural w\nd1 xxix4 #ag2 manife/s h] spiritual /ate to ,/4 ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 xxx4 #d2 bodily trials (1 xxx4 #ag2 f9ds no relief 9 ext]ior occupations1 xxx4 #ah2 buffet$ by ,satan1 xxxi4 #c2 conv]ts a great s9n]1 xxxi4 #g2 tr\bl$ because well ?\ght (1 xxxi4 #ac-ag2 h] s++ ( ! ,(fice1 xxxi4 #bf2 comm&$ to lab\r = ! re=m ( h] ,ord]1 xxxii4 #ad2 comm&$ to ab&on h] purpose1 xxxiii4 #a2 h] vision 9 ! ,dom9ican *ur*1 ,avila1 xxxiii4 #af2 goes to ,tol$o1 xxxiv4 #c2 ! nuns wi% to h h] z _! ,prioress1 xxxv4 #h2 re/ores a *ild to life1 xxxv4 #ad1 note2 beg9s ! ,re=m1 xxxvi4 #d2 h] griev\s trial1 xxxvi4 #f1 #g2 h] heal? improv$1 xxxvi4 #i2 w\ld suff] all ?+s = "o additional degree ( glory1 xxxvii4 #c2 h] affection = h] confessors1 xxxvii4 #f2 sup]naturally help$ :5 writ+1 xxxviii4 #bh2 obta9s sight = a bl9d p]son1 xxxix4 #a2 & ! cure ( "o ( h] k9dr$1 xxxix4 #b2 h] spiritual /ate became kn[n )\t h] cons5t1 xl4 #bh2 submits all h] writ+s to ! ,roman ,*ur*1 ,rel4 vii4 #af4 ,!ology1 my/ical1 x4 #a1 xi4 #h1 xii4 #h2 ! ,sa9t says %e does n "k ! t]ms (1 xviii4 #d4 ,?omas1 ,/41 assi/$ at ! dea?b$ ( ,fra ,p4 ,ibaez1 xxxviii4 #ae4 ,?rone1 vision ( a1 xxxix4 #ca1 #cb4 ,trance1 a1 xviii4 #ag1 xx4 #a2 outw>d effects (1 xl4 #aa2 gradual1 ,rel4 viii4 #aj4 ,transport1 ,rel4 viii4 #aj4 ,trials foll[$ by graces1 xi4 #ah2 promis$ to ! ,sa9t1 xxxv4 #i2 %[n h] 9 a vision1 xxxix4 #be4 ,tr9ity1 !1 my/]y (1 reveal$ to ! ,sa9t1 xxxix4 #cf2 visions (1 ,rel4 iii4 #f1 ,rel4 v4 #f-h1 ,rel4 viii4 #bj1 ,rel4 ix4 #ab4 ,tru?1 div9e1 xl4 #c-g4 ,ulloa1 de1 ,da ,guiom>1 xxiv4 #e2 takes ! ,sa9t to h] h\se1 xxx4 #c2 helps ! ,sa9t to accompli% ! re=m1 xxxii4 #ac2 is refus$ absolution1 xxxii4 #ah4 ,und]/&+1 !1 use ( 9 pray]1 xiii4 #ag2 disord]ly1 xv4 #aj2 p[]less 9 ! /ate ( imp]fect union1 xvi4 #d2 & ( ! p]fect union1 xviii4 #ai2 ! ,sa9t speaks humbly ( h]1 xxviii4 #aj4 ,union1 imp]fect1 pray] (1 xvi4 #a2 a my/ical dea?1 ib42 ! s\l resign$ !re91 xvii4 #a2 h[ x diff]s f ! pray] ( quiet1 xvii4 #e1 #f2 ano!r degree (1 xvii4 #g2 ! lab\r ( ! s\l less5s 9 ! lat] /ates (1 xviii4 #a4 ,union1 p]fect1 pray] (1 xviii4 #a2 ! s5ses :olly absorb$ 91 xviii4 #c1 #ad2 duration (1 xviii4 #af2 fruits (1 xix4 #d4 ,union1 pray] (1 iv4 #i2 foll[$ by visions 9 ! ,sa9t1 xxv4 #ad4 ,union1 :at x is1 ,rel4 v4 #b2 ( ! faculties ( ! s\l1 ,rel4 viii4 #g4 ,va+lory1 vii4 #b1 #cd1 x4 #e1 ,rel4 i4 #ah1 ,rel4 ii4 #ae1 ,rel4 vii4 #bc4 ,vanity ( possessions1 xx4 #ce2 ! ,sa9t's wat*fulness ov] h]self h]e91 xxxix4 #aa4 ,virtue1 gr[? (1 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xiv4 #f2 & 9 t ( imp]fect union1 xvii4 #d4 ,visions1 our ,"l se5 91 vii4 #aa1 xxv4 #ad1 xxvii4 #c1 xxviii4 #b2 intellectual1 xxvii4 #d2 diff]5t f ! s5se ( ! pres5ce ( ,god1 xxvii4 #f2 joy (1 xxvii4 #ac2 imag9>y1 xxviii4 #e2 effects (1 9 ! s\l1 xxviii4 #ac2 ,satan tri$ to simulate1 xxviii4 #ae2 effects (1 9 ! ,sa9t1 xxviii4 #ai2 cessation ( ! ,sa9t's imag9>y1 xxix4 #b2 ( ! ,sacr$ ,humanity1 effects (1 xxxviii4 #bc4 ,wat]1 holy1 puts evil spirits to flight1 xxxi4 #d1 #e1 #i1 #aj4 ,wat]1 ! fir/1 xi4 #ac2 ! second1 xiv4 #a2 ! ?ird1 xvi4 #a2 ! f\r?1 xviii4 #a4 ,w1 ! /ate (1 9 ! pray] ( quiet1 xiv4 #d1 xv4 #b1 #aj2 9 ! pray] ( imp]fect union1 xviii4 #af4 ,wom51 great c>e necess>y 9 ! direction (1 xxiii4 #ad1 #ae2 make great] progress ?an m51 xl4 #ab4 ,_w1 !1 contempt (1 x4 #g1 xxvii4 #af2 cu/oms (1 we>isome1 xxxvii4 #ae1 #af2 h>d on good p1 xxxi4 #ai2 vanity (1 ,rel4 i4 #ba4 ,w\nd ( ! s\l1 ,rel4 viii4 #af2 ( love1 ,rel4 viii4 #ag4 ,ybaez4 ,see ,ibaez4 ,yepes1 ,rel4 ix4 #a4 ,zeal1 indiscreet1 xiii4 #aa4