,,personal ,,recollections ,,by ,,charlotte ,,elizabeth4 ,,abridged1 ,,chiefly ,,in ,,parts ,,pertaining ,,to ,,political ,,and ,,other ,,controversies ,,prevalent ,,at ,,the ,,time ,,in ,,great ,,britain4 ,,contents4 ,,letter ,i4 ,,childhood4--,reasons--,design--,martyr s' prison--,palace garden--,scenery-- ,music--,study--,politics--,a brother--,protestantism--,the ,bible--,judicious plan ,,letter ,,ii4 ,,youth4--,private journals--,romance--,the drama--,poetical taste--,loss of hearing--,books--,a change--,rural life--,stays--,tight-lacing--,ruinous custom--,the country ,,letter ,,iii4 ,,early ,,days4--,idling--,convictions--,anticip ating evil--,mischievous errors --,unreal estimates--,fake views--,a parting--,fraternal love ,,letter ,,iv4 ,,youth4--,a grandmother--,unfashionable taste--,a bereavement--,changes-- ,travels--,punctuality--,ocean scenery--,false confidence--,a storm--,wonders of the deep--,recklessness--,an ,arab steed--,a fragment--,escapes-- ,housewifery--,nova ,scotia--,indians--,cosmopolitanism--,ho me ,,letter ,v4 ,,ireland4--,oxford--,irishmen--,the journey--,the arrival--,an escape--,dublin --,st4 ,john's eve--,the dance--,paganism--,trials--,levying distress-- ,convictions--,terrors--,awakened conscience--,god's teaching--,joy and peace ,,letter ,,vi4 ,,religious ,,progress4--,the church--,socinianism--,temptation--,meta physics-- ,athanasian creed--,an epoch--,my first tract--,a new friend--,hail ,mary-- ,christian communion ,,letter ,,vii4 ,,kilkenny4--,a new residence--,another snare--,compromise--,an apostate--,end of controversy--,the snare broken--,another attack--,an argument-- ,discussion--,the result ,,letter ,,viii4 ,the dumb boy4--,a pupil--,jack's commencement--,inquiry--,a dilemma--,dawning light--,seasonings--,a sunbeam--,a soul born--,a protester--,idolatry-- ,faithfulness--,summons--,superstition-- ,national character--,confession-- ,infernal machinery ,,letter ,,ix4 ,england4--,the dumb boy--,jack's adventure--,departure from ,ireland--,hannah ,more--,a carnal politician--,treachery--,afflictions--,j ack's progress-- ,prayer--,mercies--,a soldier--,a home--,false judgment--,tranquillity ,,letter ,x4 ,sandhurst4--,a proposal--,a snare--,an incident--,papal fulmination--,jack's petition--,happy caution--,perseverance--,zeal--,testimon ies--,a contrast ,,letter ,,xi4 ,separation4--,prejudices--,home--,foreb odings--,danger--,trying scenes-- ,queries--,awful contrast--,cadets--,retrospections--,a visitation--,sympathy --,true feeling ,,letter ,,xii4 ,employment4--,sabbath meetings--,boys--,an event--,forgiveness--,prejudices-- ,the ,irish language--,st4 ,giles's--,a project--,the ,irish church ,,letter ,,xiii4 ,a sunset4--,a termination--,a sunset--,resignation--,the red hand--,joy and peace--,true wisdom--,sympathy--,earnestness--,a dying protest--,sleeping in ,jesus ,,letter ,,xiv4 ,a removal4--,an appeal--,irish schools--,literary labors--,antinomianism-- ,conclusion ,,subsequent ,,life ,,and ,,death ,,of ,,the ,,author ,,personal ,,recollections ,,letter ,i4 ,,childhood4 ,i have given my best consideration to the arguments by which you support the demand for a few notices of events connected with my personal recollections of the past4 ,that which has chiefly influenced me is the consideration1 urged on what ,i know to be just and reasonable grounds1 that when it has pleased ,god to bring any one before the public in the capacity of an author1 that person becomes in some sense public property2 having abandoned the privacy from which no one ought to be forced1 but which any body may relinquish2 and courted the observation of the world at large4 ,such individuals are talked of during life1 and after death become the subject1 ,i may say the prey1 of that spirit which reigned in ,athens of old1 and from which no child of ,adam is wholly free--the desire to hear and to tell some new thing4 ,no sooner has the person withdrawn from this mortal stage1 than the pen of biography is prepared to record1 and a host of curious expectants are marshalled to receive1 some fragments at least of private history4 ,i wish ,i could dissent from your remark1 that even godliness itself is too often sought to be made a gain of in such cases4 ,writers who are themselves wholly unenlightened by spiritual knowledge1 and uninfluenced by spiritual feeling1 will take up as a good speculation what must to them be a mystery1 and wrong the subject of their memorial while they injure the cause in which he labored4 ,even among those of better understanding in the ways of truth1 we do not often meet sound judgment1 calm discretion1 and refined delicacy1 combined with affection for the departed and zeal for the gospel4 ,private journals are sought out1 confidential letters raked together1 and a most unseemly exposure made alike of the dead and the living4 ,this ,i have always seen and lamented2 and being aware that my turn would probably come to be thus exhibited1 ,i have abstained from preserving even the slightest memoranda of events1 thoughts1 or feelings1 that could be laid hold on as a private journal3 and ,i have most distinctly intimated to all those friends who possess any letters of mine1 that ,i shall regard it as a gross breach of confidence1 a dishonorable1 base1 and mercenary proceeding on their part1 if ever they permit a sentence addressed by me to them to pass into other hands4 ,indeed1 to such an extent have ,i felt this1 that for many years past ,i have kept some friends under a solemn pledge1 that immediately after my death1 they will proclaim my having so guarded my correspondence1 in order1 if possible1 to shame the individuals from a course with regard to me which ,i have never been inveigled into with regard to others4 ,looking on epistolary communications as a trust not to be betrayed1 ,i have invariably refused to deliver to the biographers of my departed friends any letters of theirs that ,i might possess3 the first application for them has always been the signal for committing the whole budget to the flames4 ,this you know2 and you say that the very precautions ,i have used will leave my memory more completely at the mercy of ill-judging or ill- informed survivors1 who1 in the absence of more authentic information1 may draw on their own invention1 and do me injustice4 ,this is the plea that has prevailed with me now3 the uncertainty of mortal life1 with the apprehension that if suddenly removed ,i shall become the heroine of some strange romance1 founded probably on the facts of a life by no means deficient in remarkable incidents1 but mixed up with a great deal of fiction2 and the consciousness that others may be thereby wounded1 whom ,i would not wish to wound--have decided me to act upon your suggestion1 and to draw out a little sketch of such matters as can alone concern the public in any way4 ,into private domestic ,history no person possessed of a particle of delicacy can wish to intrude4 ,it is melancholy to witness the prying spirit that some are but too ready to cater to1 for filthy lucre's sake3 and grievous to reflect that the boasted immunity which makes the cottage of the ,english peasant1 no less than the palace of the ,english noble1 a castle--which so fences his domestic hearth that no man may set foot within his door without his consent1 or proclaim an untruth concerning him without being legally compelled to render compensation1 should be withdrawn from his grave4 ,i cannot tell you how ,i have blushed for the living1 and kindled with resentment on behalf of the dead1 when contemplating the merciless desecration of what may truly be called the sacredness of home1 in some biographical notices4 ,you may therefore expect to find in these sheets a record of that mental and spiritual discipline by which it has pleased the ,lord to prepare me for the very humble1 yet not very narrow1 sphere of literary usefulness in which it was his good purpose to bid me move2 with whatever of outward things1 passing events1 and individual personal adventure1 as it is called1 may be needful to illustrate the progress4 ,of living contemporaries ,i shall of course not speak3 of the dead no further than as ,i would myself be spoken of by them1 had ,i gone first4 ,public events ,i shall freely discuss1 and hold back nothing that bears on spiritual subjects4 ,nobody shall ever need to be at the trouble of posthumously searching out and proclaiming my opinions on any topic whatever1 apart from personalities4 ,i will not withhold1 nor disguise1 nor soften them down2 and if the charge of egotism be brought1 let the accusers lay their hands upon their hearts1 and declare that they would not have sanctioned another in performing for me1 as a defunct writer1 the office which nobody can fulfil half so well1 because nobody can do it half so correctly1 as myself4 ,to commence the task1 in which ,i earnestly implore the ,father of all mercies and ,teacher of all truth to guide me1 to guard me from misstatement1 to preserve me from self-seeking1 and to overrule it to the glory of his great name1 ,i must remind you that my birthplace was ,norwich2 a fine old town1 distinguished for its many antiquities1 the beauty of its situation on a rising ground1 interspersed with a profusion of rich gardens1 and studded with churches to the number of thirty-five1 including a majestic cathedral4 ,many years have elapsed since ,i last beheld it1 and perhaps the march of modern improvement has so changed its features1 that were ,i now to dwell upon my recollections of that cherished home1 they would not be recognized4 ,but ,i cannot forget the early impressions produced on my mind by the peculiarities of the place2 nor must they be omitted here4 ,the sphere in which it is my dearest privilege to labor1 is the cause of ,protestantism2 and sometimes when ,god has blessed my poor efforts to the deliverance of some captive out of the chains of ,popish delusion1 ,i have recalled the fact of being born just opposite the dark old gateway of that strong building where the noble martyrs of ,mary's day were imprisoned4 ,i have recollected that the house wherein ,i drew my first breath was visible through the grated window of their prison1 and a conspicuous object when its gates unfolded to deliver them to unjust judgment and a cruel death4 ,are any of the prayers of those glorified saints fulfilled in the poor child who was brought into the world on that particular spot1 though at the distance of some ages8 ,the query could not be answered1 but the thought has frequently cheered me on4 ,the stern-looking gateway opening on ,st4 ,martin's plain1 was probably one of the very first objects traced on the retina of my infant eye1 when it ranged beyond the inner walls of the nursery2 and often1 with tottering step1 ,i passed beneath that arch into the splendid garden of our noble episcopal palace2 and certainly1 if my ,protestantism may not be traced to that locality1 my taste may2 for from all the elaborate display of modern architecture1 all the profuse luxuriance and endless variety of modern horticulture1 ,i now turn away1 to feast in thought on the recollection of that venerable scene4 ,the palace itself is a fine specimen of the chaste old ,english style2 but the most conspicuous1 the most unfading feature1 was the cathedral itself1 which formed the boundary of one-half of the garden2 a mass of sober magnificence1 rising in calm repose against the sky1 which1 to my awe-struck gaze and childish imagination1 seemed to rest upon its exquisitely formed spire4 ,seated on the grass1 busying my fingers with the daisies that were permitted to spring around1 ,i have been lost in such imaginings as ,i suppose not many little children indulge in1 while permitting my eyes to rove over the seemingly interminable mass of old grey stone1 and then to fall upon the pleasant flowers around me4 ,i loved silence1 for nothing that fell on the ear seemed in accordance with what so charmed the eye2 and thus a positive evil found entrance in the midst of much enjoyment4 ,i acquired that habit of dreamy excursiveness into imaginary scenes1 and among unreal personages1 which is alike inimical to rational pursuits and opposed to spiritual- mindedness4 ,to a period so early as the middle of my fourth year ,i can revert with the most perfect1 most vivid recollection of my habitual thoughts and feelings2 and at that age1 ,i can unhesitatingly declare1 my mind was deeply tinctured with a romance not derived from books1 nor from conversation1 but arising1 as ,i verily believe1 out of the singular adaptation to each other of my natural taste and the scenery amidst which it began to develop itself4 ,our abode was changed to another part of the city before this period arrived2 but the bishop's garden was still our haunt1 and my supreme delight4 ,an immense orchard1 shrubbery1 and flower-garden were attached to my father's new residence1 to which he had removed on account of its proximity to the church of which he was rector4 ,this1 too1 was an old- fashioned house1 mantled with a vine1 and straggling out1 in irregular buildings1 along the slope of the garden4 ,the centre of an immense grass-plot1 studded with apple1 pear1 and plum trees1 was occupied by the most gigantic mulberry ,i ever beheld1 the thick trunk of which resembled that of a knotted oak1 while in its forest of dark branches nestled a number of owls and hats4 ,oh1 how ,i loved to lurk beneath its shadow on a summer evening1 and await the twilight gloom1 that the large owl might come forth and wheel around the tree1 and call out his companions with a melancholy hoot2 while the smaller bat1 dipping lower in his flight1 brushed by me1 accustomed to my presence4 ,i had entered betimes upon the pernicious study of nursery tales1 as they then were1 and without having the smallest actual belief in the existence of fairies1 goblins1 or any such things1 ,i took unutterable delight in surrounding myself with hosts of them1 decked out in colors of my own supplying1 gorgeous or terrible beyond the conception of my classic authorities4 ,the faculty of realizing whatever ,i pictured to myself was astonishingly great2 and you must admit that the localities in which ,i was placed were but too favorable to the formation of a character which ,i have no doubt the enemy was secretly constructing within me1 to mislead1 by wild1 unholy fiction1 such as should come within the range of its1 influence4 ,to ,god be all the glory that ,i am not now pandering with this pen to the most grovelling or the most impious of man's perverted feelings4 ,but above all other tastes1 all other cravings1 one passion reigned supreme1 and that acme of enjoyment to me was music4 ,this also was met by indulgence as unlimited as its cravings2 for not only did my father possess one of the finest voices in the world1 and the very highest degree of scientific knowledge1 taste1 and skill in the management of it1 but our house was seldom without an inmate in the person of his most intimate friend and brother clergyman1 a son of the celebrated composer ,mr4 ,linley1 who was as highly gifted in instrumental as my father was in vocal music4 ,the rich tones of his old harpsichord seem at this moment to fill my ear and swell my heart2 while my father's deep1 clear1 mellow voice breaks in1 with some noble recitative or elaborate air of ,handel1 ,haydn1 and the rest of a school that may be superseded1 but never1 never can be equalled by modern composers4 ,or the harpsichord was relinquished to another hand1 and the breath of our friend came forth through the reed of his hautboy in strains of such overpowering melody1 that ,i have hid my face on my mother's lap to weep the feelings that absolutely wrung my little heart with excess of enjoyment4 ,this was not a snare2 or1 if it might have been made one1 the ,lord broke it in time1 by taking away my hearing4 ,i would not that it had been otherwise1 for while a vain imagination was fostered by the habit ,i have before adverted to1 this taste for music and its high gratification most certainly elevated the mind4 ,i do firmly believe that it is a gift from ,god to man1 to be prized1 cherished1 cultivated4 ,i believe that the man whose bosom yields no response to the concord of sweet sounds1 falls short of the standard to which man should aspire as an intellectual being2 and though ,satan does fearfully pervert this solace of the mind to most vile purposes1 still ,i heartily agree with ,martin ,luther1 that1 in the abstract1 the devil hates music4 ,before ,i had completed my sixth year1 ,i came under the rod of discipline which was to fall so long and so perseveringly upon me ere ,i should hear the rod and who had appointed it4 ,enthusiastic in every thing1 and already passionately fond of reading1 ,i had eagerly accepted the offer of a dear uncle1 a young physician1 to teach me ,french4 ,i loved him1 for he was gentle and kind1 and very fond of me2 and it was a great happiness to trip through the long winding street that separated us1 to turn down by the old ,bridewell1 so celebrated as an architectural curiosity1 being built of dark flint stones1 exquisitely chiselled into the form of bricks1 and which even then ,i could greatly admire1 and to take my seat on my young uncle's knee1 in the large hall of his house1 where stood a very large and deep-toned organ1 some sublime strain from which was to reward my diligence1 if ,i repeated accurately the lesson he had appointed4 ,thus between love for my uncle1 delight in his organ1 and a natural inclination to acquire learning1 ,i was stimulated to extraordinary efforts1 and met the demand on my energies in a very unsafe way4 ,i placed my ,french book under my pillow every night1 and starting from repose at the earliest break of dawn1 strained my sleepy eyes over the page1 until1 very suddenly1 ,i became totally blind4 ,this was a grievous blow to my tender parents3 the eclipse was so complete that ,i could not tell whether it was midnight or midnoon1 so far as perception of light was concerned1 and the case seemed hopeless4 ,it was1 however1 among the all things that ,god causes to work together for good1 while ,satan eagerly seeks to use them for evil4 ,it checked my inordinate desire for mere acquirements1 which ,i believe to be a bad tendency1 particularly in a female1 while it threw me more upon my own resources1 such as they were1 and gave me a keen relish for the highly intellectual conversation that always prevailed in our home4 ,my father delighted in the society of literary men2 and he was himself of a turn so argumentative1 so overflowing with rich conversation1 so decided in his political views1 so alive to passing events1 so devotedly and so proudly the ,englishman1 that with such associates as he gathered about him at his own fireside1 ,i don't see how the little blind girl1 whose face was ever turned up towards the unseen speaker1 and whose mind opened to every passing remark1 could avoid becoming a thinker1 a reasoner1 a tory1 and a patriot4 ,sometimes a tough disputant crossed our threshold2 one of these was ,dr4 ,parr1 and brilliant were the flashes resulting from such occasional collision with antagonists of that calibre4 ,i am often charged with the offence of being too political in my writings3 the fact is1 ,i write as ,i think and feel2 and what else can you expect from a child reared in such a nursery8 ,but another consequence of this temporary visitation was an increased passion for music4 ,the severe remedies used for my blindness frequently laid me on the sofa for days together1 and then my fond father would bring home with him1 after the afternoon service of the cathedral1 of which he was also a canon1 a party of the young choristers4 ,my godfather would seat himself at the harpsichord2 the boys1 led by my father1 performed the vocal parts2 and such feasts of sacred music were served up to me1 that ,i have breathed to my brother in an ecstatic whisper the confession1 ,i don't want to see2 ,i like music better than seeing4 ,that brother ,i have not before named2 but that only brother was a second self4 ,not that he resembled me in any respect1 for he was beautiful to a prodigy1 and ,i an ordinary child2 he was wholly free from any predilection for learning1 being mirthful and volatile in the highest degree2 and though he listened when ,i read to him the mysterious marvels of my favorite nursery books1 ,i doubt whether he ever bestowed an after- thought on any thing therein contained4 ,the brightest1 the sweetest1 the most sparkling creature that ever lived1 he was all joy1 all love4 ,i do not remember to have seen him for one moment out of temper or out of spirits for the first sixteen years of his life2 and he was to me what the natural sun is to the system4 ,we were never separated2 our studies1 our plays1 our walks1 our plans1 our hearts were always one4 ,that holy band which the ,lord has woven1 that inestimable blessing of fraternal love and confidence1 was never broken1 never loosened between us1 from the cradle to his grave2 and ,god forbid that ,i should say or think that the grave has broken it4 ,if ,i have not from the outset included that precious brother in my sketch1 it was because ,i should almost as soon have deemed it necessary to include by name my own head or my own heart4 ,he too was musical1 and sang sweetly1 and ,i cannot look back on my childhood without confessing that its cup ran over with the profusion of delights that my ,god poured into it4 ,about this time1 when my sight1 after a few months' privation1 was fully restored1 ,i first imbibed the strength of ,protestantism as deeply as it can be imbibed apart from spiritual understanding1 ,norwich was infamously conspicuous in persecuting unto death the saints of the ,most ,high1 under the sanguinary despotism of popish ,mary2 and the spot where they suffered1 called the ,lollard's pit1 lies just outside the town1 over ,bishop's bridge1 having a circular excavation against the side of ,moushold-hill4 ,this1 at least to within a year or two ago1 was kept distinct1 an opening by the road-side4 ,my father often took us to walk in that direction1 and pointed out the pit1 and told us that there ,mary burnt good people alive for refusing to worship wooden images4 ,i was horror-stricken1 and asked many questions1 to which he did not always reply so fully as ,i wished2 and one day1 having to go out while ,i was inquiring1 he said1 ,i don't think you can read a word of this book1 but you may look at the pictures3 it is all about the martyrs4 ,so saying1 he placed on a chair the old folio of ,foxe's ,acts and ,monuments1 in venerable black-letter1 and left me to examine it4 ,hours passed and still found me bending over1 or rather leaning against that magic book4 ,i could not1 it is true1 decipher the black-letter1 but ,i found some explanations in ,roman type1 and devoured them2 while every wood-cut was examined with aching eyes and a palpitating heart4 ,assuredly ,i took in more of the spirit of ,john ,foxe1 even by that imperfect mode of acquaintance1 than many do by reading his book through2 and when my father next found me at what became my darling study1 ,i looked up at him with burning cheeks and asked1 ,papa1 may ,i be a martyr8 ,what do you mean1 child8 ,i mean1 papa1 may ,i be burned to death for my religion1 as these were8 ,i want to be a martyr4 ,he smiled1 and made me this answer1 which ,i have never forgotten3 ,why1 ,charlotte1 if the government ever gives power to the ,papists again1 as they talk of doing1 you may probably live to be a martyr4 ,i remember the stern pleasure that this reply afforded me2 of spiritual knowledge not the least glimmer had ever reached me in any form1 yet ,i knew the ,bible most intimately1 and loved it with all my heart as the most sacred1 the most beautiful of earthly things4 ,already had its sublimity caught my adoration2 and when listening to the lofty language of ,isaiah1 as read from his stall in the cathedral by my father in ,advent1 and the early ,sundays of the year1 while his magnificent voice sent the prophetic denunciations pealing through those vaulted aisles1 ,i had received into my mind1 and ,i think into my heart1 that scorn of idolatry which breathes so thrillingly in his inspired page4 ,this ,i know1 that at six years old the foundation of a truly scriptural protest was laid in my character2 and to this hour it is my prayer that whenever the ,lord calls me hence1 he may find his servant not only watching but working against the diabolical iniquity that filled the ,lollard's pit with the ashes of his saints4 ,and now upon that all-important topic the ,bible ,i would remark1 that among the most invaluable blessings of my life ,i remember the judicious conduct of my parents in regard to it4 ,we generally find that precious volume made a book of tasks2 sometimes even a book of penalties3 the consequence of so doing cannot but be evil4 ,with us it was emphatically a reward book4 ,that identical book is now before me1 in its rich red cover1 elegantly emblazoned with the royal arms2 for it is the very ,bible that was placed before queen ,charlotte at her coronation in #agfa2 and which1 becoming the perquisite of a prebendary of ,westminster1 was by his wife presented to my mother1 to whom she stood sponser4 ,this royal ,bible was highly prized2 and it was with special favor that it was opened for us when we had been good1 and were deemed worthy of some mark of approval4 ,my father1 then1 whose voice made music of every thing1 would read to us the history of ,abel1 of ,noah1 of ,moses1 of ,gideon1 or some other of the exquisite narratives of the ,old ,testament4 ,i do not say that they were made the medium of conveying spiritual instruction2 they were unaccompanied by note or comment1 written or oral1 and merely read as histories1 the fact being carefully impressed on our minds that ,god was the author1 and that it would be highly criminal to doubt the truth of any word in that book4 99 99 99 ,the consequences of this early instruction1 imparted as an indulgence1 ,i have reason daily to rejoice in3 it led me to search for myself the inspired pages2 it taught me to expect beauties1 and excellences1 and high intellectual gratification where ,god has indeed caused them to abound4 ,as in the natural world we find the nutritious fruit not lying like pebbles on the ground1 but hung on graceful trees and shrubs1 heralded by fair and fragrant blossoms1 embowered in verdant foliage1 and itself beautifully shaped and tinted2 so has the ,lord arranged that the garden where grows the fruit of the tree of life1 should abound in all that is most lovely to man's natural perception2 and do we not slight this bounteous care for our mind's enjoyment while he makes provision for our soul's sustenance1 when we neglect to point these things out to the notice of our children8 ,the word was my delight many a year before it became my counsellor2 and when at last the veil was withdrawn from my heart1 and ,jesus stood revealed as the ,alpha and ,omega of that blessed book1 it was not like gradually furnishing a vacant place with valuable goods1 but like letting a flood of day into one already most-richly stored with all that was precious2 though1 for lack of light whereby to discern their real nature1 the gems had been regarded but as common things4 ,my memory was plentifully stored with what it had been1 my free choice to study2 and when in the progress of this little narrative you learn how mercifully ,i have been preserved from doctrinal error in its various forms1 through that full acquaintance with ,god's word1 you will trace his marvellous workings in thus furnishing my mind1 as it were1 with an armory of ready weapons1 and will be ready to echo with increased earnestness that emphatic declaration1 ,the ,bible1 the ,bible alone1 is the religion of ,protestants2 and not only to echo1 but also to act upon it4 ,religion1 however1 did at this early period of my life become a very important concern in my eyes2 our mother had taken infinite pains to assure us of one great truth--the omniscience of an omnipresent ,god--and this ,i never could for a moment shake off4 ,it influenced us both in a powerful manner1 so that if either committed a fault1 we never rested until1 through mutual exhortation on the ground that ,god certainly knew it1 and would be angry if we added deceit to another error1 we had encouraged each other to confession4 ,we then went1 hand in hand1 to our mother1 and the one who stood clear of the offence acknowledged it in the name of the transgressor1 while both asked pardon4 ,never did children more abhor a lie3 we spurned its meanness1 while trembling at its guilt2 and nothing bound us more closely and exclusively together than1 the discoveries we were always making of a laxity among other children in this respect4 ,on such occasions we would shrink into a corner by ourselves and whisper1 ,do they think ,god does not hear that8 ,self-righteousness1 no doubt1 existed in a high degree2 we were baby ,pharisees1 rejoicing in the external cleanliness of cup and platter2 but ,i look back with great thankfulness on the mercy that so far restrained us3 an habitual regard to truth has carried me safely through many a trial1 and1 as a means1 guarded me from many a snare4 ,it cannot be too early or too strongly inculcated2 nor should any effort be considered too great1 any difficulty too discouraging1 any reprobation too strong1 or1 ,i will add1 any punishment too severe1 when the object in view is to overcome this infamous vice in a child4 ,once ,i remember having been led into a lie at the instigation1 and through the contrivance of a servant- girl1 for whose benefit it was told4 ,suspicion instantly arose1 from my dreadful embarrassment of manner2 a strict investigation commenced2 the girl told me to face it out1 for that nobody else knew of it1 and she would not flinch4 ,but my terrors of conscience were insupportable2 ,i could ill bear my father's steady eye fixed on mine1 still less the anxious1 wondering1 incredulous expression of my brother's innocent face1 who could not for a moment fancy me guilty4 ,i confessed at once2 and with a heavy sigh my father sent to borrow from a neighbor an instrument of chastisement never before needed in his own house4 ,he took me to another room1 and said1 ,child1 it will pain me more to punish you thus1 than any blows ,i can inflict will pain you2 but ,i must do it2 you have told a lie--a dreadful sin1 and a base1 mean1 cowardly action4 ,if ,i let you grow up a liar1 you will reproach me for it one day2 if ,i now spared the rod1 ,i should hate the child4 ,i took the punishment in a most extraordinary spirit3 ,i wished every stroke had been a stab2 ,i wept because the pain was not great enough2 and ,i loved my father at that moment better than even ,i1 who almost idolized him1 had ever loved him before4 ,i thanked him1 and ,i thank him still2 for ,i never transgressed in that way again4 ,the servant was called1 received her wages and a most awful lecture1 and was discharged the same hour4 ,yet1 of all these things what sunk deepest into my very soul were the sobs and cries of my fond little brother1 and the lamentable tones of his soft voice1 pleading through the closed door1 ,o1 papa1 don't whip ,charlotte4 ,o forgive poor ,charlotte4 ,it is sweet to know we have a ,brother indeed who always pleads1 and never pleads in vain for the offending child2 a ,father whose chastisements are not withheld1 but administered in tender love2 judgment being his strange work1 and mercy that wherein he delights1 and the peaceable fruits of righteousness the end of his corrections4 ,the event to which ,i have referred may appear too trivial a thing to record2 but it is by neglecting trivial things that we ruin ourselves and our children4 ,the usual mode of training these immortal beings1 the plan of leaving them to servants and to themselves1 the blind indulgence that passes by1 with a slight reprimand only1 a wilful offence1 and the mischievous misapplication of doctrine that induces some to let nature do her worst1 because nothing but grace can effectually suppress her evil workings2 all these are faulty in the extreme1 and no less presumptuous than foolish3 this has produced that spirit of the age which1 operating in a pressure from without1 is daily forcing us further from the good old paths in which we ought to walk1 and in which our forefathers did walk1 when they gave better heed than we do to the inspired word1 which tells us1 ,foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child2 but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him4 ,affectionately yours1 ,c4 ,e4 ,,letter ,,ii4 ,,youth4 ,i have long been persuaded that there is no such thing as an honest private journal1 even where the entries are punctually made under present impressions4 ,there is so much of positive1 active evil always at work in the mind1 that to give a fair transcript of idle unprofitable thoughts and corrupt imaginings1 is out of the question3 evil is dealt with in generals1 good in particulars1 and the balance cannot be fairly struck4 ,those confessions of indwelling sin that remorse will wring from us1 and which perhaps are penned at the moment in perfect sincerity1 being unaccompanied with1 the specifications that would invest them in their naturally hideous colors1 beneath the searching light of ,god's holy and spiritual law1 wear the lovely garb of unfeigned humility4 ,the reader1 coming to such self-condemnatory clauses1 is struck with admiration at the saintly writer's marvellous self-abasement1 only lamenting that he should1 in the excess of his lowly-mindedness1 have written such1 bitter things against himself1 at a time when he was grieving1 resisting1 almost quenching the ,holy ,spirit within by obstinate transgression4 ,and if the present1 how much more is the past liable to be glossed over8 ,to be faithful here is next to impossible1 for ,satan helps us to deceive ourselves and instructs us to carry out the deception to others4 ,this consideration might well cause the pen of autobiography to drop from a ,christian's hand1 did not an earnest desire to glorify ,god in his merciful dealings1 together with the consciousness that to no other could the task he safely delegated1 act as a counterpoise to the discouragement4 ,i do desire to magnify the exceeding riches of ,god's grace to me1 if ,i may do so without increasing the charge of arrogant assumption4 ,i know that among the diversity of gifts which he bestows on his creatures1 he granted me a portion of mental energy1 a quickness of perception1 a liveliness of imagination1 an aptitude for expressing the thoughts that were perpetually revolving in my mind1 such as to fit me for literary occupation4 ,i know that ,satan1 to whom such instruments are exceedingly valuable1 marked me as one who would1 if properly trained to it1 do his work effectually within his own sphere2 and ,i am not more sure of my present existence than ,i am of the fact that he strove to secure me for that purpose1 from the first expanding of those faculties which evidently lie exposed to his observation and open to his attacks1 as far as ,god permits him to work4 ,can ,i feel all this1 and not bless the ,lord1 who so far baffled these designs1 and deigned to appoint my field of labor within the sacred confines of his own vineyard8 ,the visitation of which ,i have spoken had a powerful influence on my after-life2 it rendered the preservation of my newly-restored sight an object of paramount importance1 to which the regular routine of education must needs be sacrificed4 ,a boarding-school had never been thought of for me4 ,my parents loved their children too well to meditate their expulsion from the paternal roof2 and the children so well loved their parents and each other that such a separation would have been insupportable to them4 ,masters we had in the necessary branches of education1 and we studied together so far as ,i was permitted to study2 but before it was deemed safe to exercise my eyes with writing apparatus1 ,i had stealthily possessed myself of a patent copy-book1 by means of which1 tracing the characters as they shone through the paper1 ,i was able to write with tolerable freedom before any one knew that ,i could join two letters2 and ,i well remember my father's surprise1 not unmixed with annoyance1 when he accidentally took up a letter which ,i had been writing to a distant relation1 giving a circumstantial account of some domestic calamity which had no existence but in my brain2 related with so much pathos too1 that my tears had fallen over the slate whereon this my first literary attempt was very neatly traced4 ,he could not forbear laughing2 but ended with a grave shake of the head1 and a remark to the effect that ,i was making more haste than good speed4 ,at this time1 seven years of age1 ,i became entangled in a net of dangerous fascination4 ,one evening my brother was taken to the theatre1 while ,i1 on account of a cold1 had to stay at home4 ,to compensate for this1 ,i was permitted to read the play to him2 and that play was1 ,the ,merchant of ,venice4 ,i will not dwell upon the effect4 ,i had already become fond of such theatrical spectacles as were considered suitable for children--pantomime and broad farce--and like a child ,i gazed upon the glitter1 and enjoyed the bustle2 but now1 seated in a corner1 all quiet about me1 and nothing to interfere with the mental world1 ,i drank a cup of intoxication under which my brain reeled for many a year4 ,the character of ,shylock burst upon me1 even as ,shakspeare had conceived it4 ,i revelled in the terrible excitement that it gave rise to2 page after page was stereotyped upon a most retentive memory without an effort1 and during a sleepless night ,i feasted on the pernicious sweets thus hoarded in my brain4 ,pernicious indeed they were2 for from that hour my diligence in study1 my docility of conduct1 every thing that is usually regarded as praiseworthy in a child1 sprung from a new motive4 ,i wanted to earn a reward1 and that was no longer a sweet story from the ,bible1 but permission to carry into my retreat a volume of ,shakspeare4 ,a taste so unusual at my age was hailed with applause2 visitors questioned me on the different plays1 to ascertain my intimate acquaintance with the characters2 but no one1 not even my father1 could persuade me to recite a line1 or to listen when another attempted it1 or to witness the representation of any play of ,shakspeare4 ,this ,i mention to prove what a powerful hold the enemy of all godliness must have expected to take on a spirit so attuned to romance4 ,reality became insipid1 almost hateful to me2 conversation1 except that of the literary men to whom ,i have alluded1 a burden4 ,i imbibed a thorough contempt for women1 children1 and household affairs1 intrenching myself behind invisible barriers that few1 very few1 could pass4 ,oh how many wasted hours1 how much of unprofitable labor1 what wrong to my fellow-creatures1 what robbery of ,god1 must ,i refer to this ensnaring book4 ,my mind became unnerved1 my judgment perverted1 my estimate of people and things wholly falsified1 and my soul wrapped in the vain solace of unsubstantial enjoyments during years of after sorrow1 when but for this ,i might have early sought the consolations of the gospel4 ,parents know not what they do1 when from vanity1 thoughtlessness1 or overindulgence1 they foster in a young girl what is called a poetical taste4 ,those things highly esteemed among men are held in abomination with ,god2 they thrust him from his creatures' thoughts1 and enshrine a host of polluting idols in his place4 ,my father1 ,i am sure1 wished to check the evil which1 as a sensible man1 he could not but foresee2 my state of health1 however1 won a larger portion of indulgence than was good for me4 ,the doctors into whose hands ,i had fallen1 were of the school now happily very much exploded3 they had one panacea for almost every ill1 and that was the perilous drug mercury4 ,with it1 they rather fed than physicked me2 and its deleterious effects on the nervous system were doubly injurious to me1 as increasing tenfold the excitability that required every curb4 ,among all the marvels of my life1 the greatest is that of my having grown up to be one of the healthiest of human beings1 and with an inexhaustible flow of even mirthful spirits2 for certainly ,i was long kept hovering on the verge of the grave by the barbarous excess to which medical experiments were carried2 and ,i never entertained a doubt that the total loss of my hearing before ,i was ten years old1 was owing to a paralysis induced by such severe treatment4 ,god1 however1 had his own purposes to work out1 which neither ,satan nor man could hinder4 ,he overruled all for the furtherance of his own gracious designs4 ,shut out by this last dispensation from my two delightful resources1 music and conversation1 ,i took refuge in books with tenfold avidity4 ,by this time ,i had added the ,british poets generally to my original stock1 together with such reading as is usually prescribed for young ladies2 and ,i underwent the infliction of reading aloud to my mother the seven mortal volumes of ,sir ,charles ,grandison4 ,it was in the fulfilment of this awful task that ,i acquired a habit particularly mischievous and ensnaring--that of reading mechanically1 with a total abstraction of mind from what ,i was about4 ,this became the easier to me from the absence of all external sound2 and its consequences are exceedingly distressing to this day1 as experienced in a long-indulged1 and afterwards most bitterly lamented wandering of the mind in prayer and in reading the ,scriptures4 ,in fact1 through the prevalence of this habit1 my devotions1 always very punctually performed1 became such an utter lip-service1 as frequently to startle and terrify my conscience1 when ,i found myself saying prayers and thinking idle songs or scraps of plays2 but ,i regarded such transient pangs of remorse as a satisfaction for the sin1 and never dreamed of resisting the general habit4 ,thus far ,i had led a town life1 residing in the heart of a populous city1 enjoying indeed that noble garden1 but daily more and more absorbed in books of fancy4 ,happily1 my health became so affected that a removal into the country was judged necessary1 and ,i forgave the doctors all their past persecution of me1 in consideration of their parting injunctions1 which were1 that ,i was to have unbounded liberty2 to live entirely in the open air1 save when the weather forbade2 to be amused with all rural occupations2 and especially to frequent farm-yards1 for the purpose of inhaling the breath of cows4 ,my father exchanged parochial duty with a friend1 taking his village congregation1 and engaging a house very near the church4 ,that tall white house1 what a place it holds in my fond recollection4 ,it was perfectly an old parsonage1 and behind it lay a garden larger than our city orchard1 sloping gently down1 with a profusion of fruit and flowers1 bounded by high walls1 and the central walk terminating in a door1 beyond which lay the scene of our greatest enjoyment4 ,a narrow slip of grass1 fringed with osiers and alders and willows1 alone separated the wall from a very clear1 lovely stream1 which winding half round an extensive common1 turned a mill4 ,this small river abounded with fish1 and we soon became expert anglers2 besides which1 on creeping to some distance by a path of our own discovery1 we could cross the stream on a movable plank1 and take a wide range through1 the country4 ,this removal was a double resource3 it invigorated my bodily frame1 until ,i outgrew and out-bloomed every girl of my age in the neighborhood1 while really laying a foundation for many years of uninterrupted health1 and a constitution to defy the change of climate for which ,i was destined2 while it won me from the sickening1 enervating habit of sedentary enjoyment over the pages of a book1 which1 added to the necessary studies and occupations1 was relaxing alike the tone of the bodily and mental frame4 ,from the polluted works of man1 ,i was drawn to the glorious works of ,god2 and never did bird of the air or beast of the field more luxuriate in the pure bright elements of nature than ,i did4 ,all the poetical visions of liberty that had floated in my brain seemed now realized2 all pastoral descriptions faded before the actual enjoyment of rural life4 ,sometimes wreathing garlands of1 wild flowers1 reclined on a sunny bank1 while a flock of sheep strolled around1 and the bold little lambs came to peep in our faces1 and then gallop away in pretended alarm2 sometimes tearing our clothes to tatters in an ardent hunt for the sweet filberts that hung high above our heads1 on trees well fortified behind breastworks of bramble and thorn2 sometimes cultivating the friendship while we quaffed the milk of the good-natured cows under the dairymaid's operation3 all was freedom1 mirth1 and peace4 ,often would my father take his noble pointers preparatory to the shooting season1 at once to try their powers and to ascertain what promise of future sport the fields presented4 ,these were destructive expeditions in one sense4 ,i remember the following dialogue1 repeated to me by my brother1 when we made our appearance at home after a day's demolition of wearing apparel4 ,mr4 ,b4 this will never do2 that girl cannot wear a frock twice without soiling it2 nor keep it whole for a week3 the expense will ruin us4 ,well1 my dear1 if ,i am to be ruined by expense1 let it come in the shape of the washerwoman's and linen-draper's bills1 not in those of the apothecary and undertaker4 ,my dear father was right2 and it would be a happy thing for girls in general1 if somewhat of appearance1 and of acquirement too1 was sacrificed to what ,god has so liberally provided1 and to the enjoyment of which a blessing is undoubtedly annexed4 ,where1 among females1 do we find the stamina of constitution and the elasticity of spirit which exist in those of our rural population who follow outdoor employment8 ,it positively pains me to see a party of girls1 a bonneted and tippeted double-file of humanity1 ,that like a wounded snake drags its slow length along1 under the keen surveillance of a governess1 whose nerves would never be able to endure the shock of seeing them bound over a stream and scramble through a fence1 or even toss their heads and throw out their limbs as all young animals1 except that oppressed class called young ladies1 are privileged to do4 ,having ventured1 in a fit of my country daring1 to break the ice of this very rigid and frigid subject1 ,i will recount another instance of the paternal good sense to which ,i owe1 under ,god1 the physical powers without which my little talent might have been laid by in a napkin all my days4 ,one morning1 when his daughter was about eight years old1 my father came in1 and found sundry preparations going on1 the chief materials for which were buckram1 whalebone1 and other stiff articles1 while the young lady was under measurement by the hands of a female friend4 ,pray1 what are you going to do to the child8 ,going to fit her with a pair of stays4 ,for what purpose8 ,to improve her figure2 no young lady can grow up properly without them4 ,i beg your pardon2 young gentlemen grow up very well without them1 and so may young ladies4 ,o1 you are mistaken4 ,see what a stoop she has already2 depend on it this girl will be both a dwarf and a cripple if we don't put her into stays4 ,my child may be a cripple1 ma'am1 if such is ,god's will2 but she shall be one of his making1 not ours4 ,all remonstrance was vain2 stays and every species of tight dress were strictly prohibited by the authority of one whose will was1 as every man's ought to be1 absolute in his own household4 ,he also carefully watched against any evasion of the rule3 a ribbon drawn tightly round my waist would have been cut without hesitation by his determined hand2 while the little girl of the anxious friend whose operations he had interrupted1 enjoyed all the advantages of that system from which ,i was preserved4 ,she grew up a wandlike figure1 graceful and interesting1 and died of decline at nineteen2 while ,i1 though not able to compare shapes with a wasp or an hour-glass1 yet passed muster very fairly among mere human forms of ,god's moulding2 and ,i have enjoyed to this hour a rare exemption from headaches1 and other ladylike maladies1 that appear the almost exclusive privilege of women in the higher classes4 ,this is no trivial matter1 believe me2 it has frequently been the subject of conversation with professional men of high attainment1 and ,i never met with one among them who did not1 on hearing that ,i never but once1 and then only for a few hours1 submitted to the restraint of these unnatural machines1 refer to that exemption1 as a means1 the free respiration1 circulation1 and powers both of exertion and endurance with which the ,lord has most mercifully gifted me4 ,there can be no doubt that the hand which first encloses the waist of a girl in these cruel contrivances1 supplying her with a fictitious support1 where the hand of ,god has placed bones and muscles that ought to be brought into vigorous action1 that hand lays the foundation of bitter sufferings2 at the price of which1 and probably of a premature death1 the advantage must be purchased of rendering her figure as unlike as possible to all the models of female beauty1 universally admitted to be such1 because they are chiselled after nature itself4 ,i have seen pictures1 and ,i have read harrowing descriptions1 of the murderous consequences of thus flying in the face of the ,creator's skill1 and presuming to mend1 to improve1 his perfect work2 but my own experience is worth a thousand treatises and ten thousand illustrations1 in bringing conviction to my mind4 ,once1 when introduced1 as it is called1 to the public1 through the medium of a ballroom1 ,i did join in persuading my father to allow of a fashionable lacing-up1 though by no means a tight one4 ,i felt much as1 ,i suppose1 a frolicksome young colt feels when first subjected to the goading apparatus that fetters his wild freedom4 ,i danced1 but it was with a heavy heart and laboring breath2 ,i talked1 under the influence of a stupefying headache1 and on my return home flew to my apartment and cut the goodly fabric in pieces2 nor was ,i ever afterwards tempted so to tempt my all-wise ,maker by saying to the frame that he had fashioned and supplied with means of healthful growth1 ,hitherto shalt thou go and no further4 ,compressure of the feet was with equal strictness forbidden by my judicious father4 ,this vain custom is perhaps not so fatal as the other1 but it produces many evils4 ,coldness of the extremities may certainly exist where nothing of the kind has been practised2 but while rejoicing that ,i1 experimentally1 know nothing of it1 ,i cannot help recollecting that the bounding pulse which plays so joyously through my veins was never impeded in any part2 and feeling this1 ,i would no more expose a girl to one infliction than ,i would to the other4 ,do ,christian mothers take a sufficiently serious and prayerful view of this subject1 as regards their children8 ,do they weigh1 in a balance of ,god's providing1 this necessary provision of clothing1 to separate not only what is unseemly for the woman professing godly simplicity1 but what is enervating to those physical powers which she is bound to devote to the ,lord1 and the weakening of which is actual robbery of him8 ,i fear we females are more ready to ask counsel one of another in this matter than of the ,lord2 or even of our husbands1 who1 in nine cases out of ten1 no doubt would decide against the foolish and pernicious custom4 ,at least1 in all my arguments with my own sex1 ,i have found the men invariably siding with me upon this topic4 ,you will be tired of these digressions1 my dear friend1 but ,i set out by forewarning you that my opinions would be freely stated2 and while touching on a period of mortal life1 where the body no less than the mind usually takes its direction for the rest of our pilgrimage1 ,i cannot pass by any thing that appears to me of real importance to either4 ,we will now return to what poets have sung and citizens sighed for1 time out of mind--the delights of rural life4 ,all cramping is decidedly bad3 wholesome restraints there are1 which parents are bound to lay upon their children1 and the latter to submit to2 and among other things1 ,i am sure a defined method and regular habits in education1 work1 and play1 together1 with a most strict attention to scrupulous punctuality1 are not only valuable but indispensable to a right government of the mind and conduct in after- life4 ,i have daily cause to lament the unavoidable neglect of such a system in my own case1 during three important years2 but unavoidable it was1 unless my life had been sacrificed to the maintenance of such order4 ,accordingly1 mine was the life of a butterfly2 and whatever of the busy bee has since appeared in my proceedings must be ascribed to divine grace alone4 ,i often recall those days of summer sunshine to which ,i have alluded2 and the scarcely less joyous winter season1 when1 ploughing the light snow1 we raced with our inseparable companion1 the favorite pointer1 or built up a brittle giant for the glory of demolishing him with balls of his own substance1 or directed the soft missiles against each other4 ,accompanied by our father1 but never alone1 we made excursions upon our frozen stream2 and very sweet it was to the fond hearts of my tender parents to watch the mantling glow of health1 the elastic vigor of increasing stature1 and the unbounded play of most exuberant spirits1 in the poor child whom they had expected to enclose in an early grave4 ,how often1 seated on the low wide brick-work corner of the immense fireplace in a neighboring farm-house1 have ,i been smoked among hams and tongues1 while watching the progress of baking a homely cake upon those glowing wood-embers1 or keeping guard over a treasury of apples1 nuts1 and elderberry wine1 all streaming together in the lusciousness of a promised feast8 ,patriotism is with me no inert principle2 it verily lives and acts and pervades my whole spirit2 and ,i believe its energetic character1 except as ,god deigns to work by his especial influence1 is traceable to that early acquaintance with what is most purely ,english among us--the homes and the habits of our own bold yeomanry4 ,cities may resemble one another1 and the aping propensities of their inhabitants produce among them a rapid approximation of appearance and manners2 but where shall we look for the counterpart of a rural ,english ,,home8 ,the thing is as untransferable as the word is untranslatable4 ,the antique village church1 with its broad square tower or low spire1 its stone porch and oak seats1 its narrow casements and the many vestiges of those abominations which the besom of the blessed ,reformation swept from our services1 though it could not1 without demolishing the building1 efface their relics from its walls2 the churchyard surrounding its base1 with undulating hillocks of mortality clad in long1 rich grass1 where lie1 half hidden1 the old grey monumental stones that can no longer tell the tale of bygone generations2 the more modern sculpture1 and the homely grave-rail standing sentry over the last resting-place of the poor1 while some venerable tree overshadows the ground1 where it has probably stood since the first stone of that modest temple was laid by our forefathers--all these are so endearingly ,english4 ,the broad1 rich fields1 the hedgerow boundaries and stately lines of vigorous trees guarding their native soil2 and above all1 the manly bearing of a bold1 an independent1 and a peaceful peasantry1 the humblest of whom knows that his cottage is a chartered sanctuary1 protected alike from the aggressions of civil and of ecclesiastical tyranny--these1 too1 are ,english1 sacredly ,english2 and they leave upon the heart that has once expanded among them1 an impress never to be effaced4 ,among national reformers1 what a noble position would he occupy who should prevail upon our monied countrymen to exchange their habits of periodical vagrancy into popish lands1 for a sojourn in the moral districts of their own ,protestant ,england1 in the confidence that the climate which agreed with their fathers from generation to generation--as the dates and ages decipherable on our monuments will testify--would not annihilate them2 and that the sphere in which ,god had seen good to place them was that wherein he purposed them to move1 to exert their influence1 and to occupy for his glory1 with the talents committed to their charge4 ,i have told you how books of imagination had supplanted the ,bible in my esteem2 those books now1 in a measure1 yielded to the irresistible attraction of outdoor amusement2 but my mind was so abundantly stored with the glittering tinsel of unsanctified genius1 as it shone forth in the pages of my beloved poets1 that no room was left for a craving after better studies4 ,yet the turn of my mind was devotional in the extreme2 so much so1 that had the ,lord permitted me at that time to come in contact with the wily fascinations of popery1 ,i am sure ,i should have fallen1 for a season at least1 into the snare4 ,god was really in all my thoughts2 not as the ,god and ,father of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ--not as a being of purer eyes than to behold iniquity--not as ,he whom ,i was required to glorify in my body and in my spirit1 being bought with a price1 to be no longer my own but his2 no1 my religion was a very attractive sort of ,deism1 which recognized the ,creator of all those things wherein ,i delighted1 and thought to render him great honor by such recognition4 ,thomson's ,hymn on the ,seasons was my body of divinity2 and ,pope's atrocious ,universal ,prayer would have become my manual of devotion1 had not my father denounced it as a most blasphemous outrage upon revelation1 and charged me never to repeat what he deeply regretted that ,i had committed to memory4 ,i hated profanity1 and would not have omitted the private repetition of a form of prayer1 morning or evening1 on any account1 nor absented myself from public worship4 ,a slighting expression applied to the ,bible would kindle me into glowing resentment1 expressed with no less sincerity than earnestness1 and as a matter of duty ,i devoted some time every ,sabbath-day to the perusal of ,god's word1 with which ,i had become more extensively acquainted by reading it during sermon-time at church4 ,i well know that even then1 and at a much earlier period too1 conviction of my own sinfulness was working very deeply1 though not permanently1 in my mind3 it was not an abiding impression1 but a thing of fits and starts1 overwhelming me while it lasted1 but soon shaken off by diverting my thoughts to something else4 ,these convictions were unquestionably the result of my occasional readings in ,god's book3 they always occurred during or immediately after such perusal1 or when some passage was suddenly brought to my recollection4 ,,letter ,,iii4 ,,early ,,days4 ,i grew up a healthy1 active1 light-hearted girl1 wholly devoted to reading and to rural occupations4 ,the latter1 particularly gardening1 served as a counterpoise to the sedentary temptation that would have proved physically injurious2 but laying in1 as ,i daily did1 a plentiful store of romantic adventure or fascinating poetry for rumination when abroad1 my mind was unprofitably occupied at all times1 to the exclusion of better things4 ,on ,sundays1 indeed1 ,i made it a point of conscience to abstain from light reading2 and1 as far as ,i could1 to banish from my thoughts the week's acquisition of folly4 ,i went to church1 and read the ,bible at home with a sermon of ,blair's1 or some similar writer wholly destitute of gospel light2 and ,i generally had a short fit of compunction1 on that day1 for having been so wholly absorbed in worldly things during the preceding six2 for even then ,god was striving with me to bring me unto himself1 and many a strong conviction did ,i forcibly stifle4 ,the warmth of my natural feelings1 the ardor with which ,i entered into every thing that interested them1 and a sort of energy that always longed to be doing where any cause that ,i considered good was to be promoted--all these would have rendered me a working character1 had ,i obeyed the gracious call to go into the ,lord's vineyard4 ,i say a call1 because though as yet ,i know nothing whatever of the gospel1 ,i could not overlook or misunderstand the reiterated injunctions of ,scripture to seek spiritual wisdom1 to ask for guidance1 and to occupy with the talent committed to my charge4 ,i knew the promise1 ,they that seek me early shall find me1 and more than once ,i trembled under such scriptures as the latter part of ,proverbs #a2 but my ,sunday resolutions vanished before the ,monday's dawning light1 and ,i rushed again with a redoubled zest into the seductive regions of my imaginary world4 ,oh1 how greatly do they err who think that such studies may be safely engaged in by the young and excitable mind4 ,some indeed there are so phlegmatic as to be proof against all the charms of poesy1 insensible to the highest illusions of romance2 but their number is small1 and the individuals hard to identify1 because a very cold exterior is often like the snow- capped heights of ,etna1 overspreading a hoard of volcanic elements of which the burst and blaze will some day be terrific4 ,such seem imbued with the spirit of indifference1 because they are abstracted and silent when the laugh and merry jest go round among their companions2 whereas this abstraction1 from outward things results not from deadness of feeling1 but from the intensity with which the mind is brooding over some phantom known only to itself4 ,nor do this class of dreamers always appear devoted to ,books3 a little reading goes far with them2 and the quality rather than the quantity of their selections is to be looked to4 ,i have known many parents and teachers argue that it is better to bring the young acquainted with our standard poets and prose authors of a worldly cast1 while they are yet under careful superintendence1 so as to neutralize what may be unprofitable by judicious remark1 and to avert the dangers attendant on such fascinating introductions at a riper age1 when the restraints of authority are removed4 ,against this1 two reasons have prevailed with me to exclude from my book-shelves all the furniture of a worldly library1 and to watch against its introduction from other quarters4 ,one is2 the consideration that we are not authorized to calculate on the continuance of any creature's mortal existence2 nor can we ever know that the being whom we are training for eternity will not be called into it before such period of life as is here anticipated4 ,in such a case1 how sad to feel that we have needlessly forestalled an evil day1 and even momentarily diverted the young spirit from a sacred path4 ,the other consideration is this3 that as the flesh and the devil will assuredly do their parts without help from me1 and the children of this world1 who are wiser in their generation than the children of light1 will certainly do the same2 ,i may take a lesson of policy from them1 using my best endeavors to preoccupy the field with what is decidedly good1 and humbly hoping that the seed so sown may1 through the operation of the ,holy ,spirit1 take root before the tares are introduced1 leaving little room for them to grow4 ,of all the errors into which the world has fallen1 none is more fatally mischievous than the habit of overlooking the personality1 the energy1 the power1 the watchfulness1 the deep cunning of the devil4 ,by a conventional system1 no doubt of his own suggesting1 he is never to be named but in the act of worshipping ,god1 or that of spiritual instruction4 ,any other robber and murderer1 who was known to be on the watch to attack our houses1 would be the subject of free discourse3 his habits1 his haunts1 his usual plans1 his successful and his baffled assaults in former cases1 would be talked over1 and thus a salutary fear would be kept alive1 influencing us to bolt and bar1 and watch and ward with unfailing vigilance1 to avert a surprise4 ,but ,satan seems to be a privileged person3 we learn1 in the nursery1 to fancy him a hideous caricature of human nature1 with horns1 hoof1 and a tail1 inspiring disgust1 and a childish fear that wears off as we advance into youth1 leaving an impression rather ludicrous than alarming of the ugly phantom that1 nevertheless1 continues identified with him of whom we read in the ,bible4 ,we then perhaps take up ,milton1 engrafting his poetical conception upon the original nursery stock1 and make a devil half monster1 half archangel1 invested with the ugliness of the first and the sublimity of the second1 but still far removed from the scripture character of that roaring lion who goeth about seeking whom he may devour4 ,we do not realize his existence1 his presence1 his devices2 and so we often do his work from sheer ignorance or inexcusable thoughtlessness about it4 ,with me1 as ,i have told you1 the ,bible did its work and conscience did hers2 but a passion for the unreal proved too strong for both4 ,undoubtedly ,god could have wrought1 as afterwards he did1 to the casting down of imaginations and every thing that exalteth itself against ,christ4 ,but how many years of sorrow might have been averted1 or how greatly at least might those sorrows have been mitigated1 had not the inveteracy of a long-cherished disease required such sharp discipline to bring it under4 ,pride was the master-sin of my corrupt nature1 a pride that every child of ,adam inherits1 but which peculiarly beset me4 ,it was not what usually goes by that name3 no one ever accused me of an approach to haughtiness1 neither was ,i boastful or forward1 as far as ,i know2 but ,i delighted to model my own character according to the standard set forth in my foolish books1 and by the contemplation of them ,i hoped to succeed4 ,i loved to mark in others a mean1 ungenerous1 selfish1 or malicious trait1 and to contrast with it my own high-flown notions of the opposite qualities4 ,my memory was well stored with fine sentiments concerning human dignity1 honor1 virtue1 and so forth2 and while secretly applying them--for ,i was not inclined to make ill-natured remarks--in contrast to the failings of those around me1 ,i naturally learned to identify myself with the aforesaid sentiments1 and to take it for granted it was ,i who shone so brightly at other people's expense4 ,this is the inevitable consequence of measuring ourselves by ourselves1 as all will do who are not led betimes to the standard appointed of ,god4 ,and now1 the chambers of imagery being well furnished1 ,i became in thought the heroine of all the foolish1 improbable adventures ,i met with4 ,shakspeare and others having furnished me with dresses and decorations1 every day of my life had its drama4 ,adventures the most improbable1 situations the most trying1 and conversation the most nonsensical among a visionary acquaintance of my own creating1 became the constant amusement of my mind2 or if ,i took a fancy to any new companion1 that individual was metamorphosed into something equally unreal1 and was soon looked upon in the light1 not of sober reality1 but of fanciful extravagance4 ,of course my estimate alike of persons and of things was egregiously false2 and with a fair portion of common-sense naturally belonging to me1 ,i became most emphatically a fool4 ,even when employed at the pencil1 which ,i dearly loved1 ,i could not trace a figure on the paper or a landscape on the canvas1 that did not presently become the subject of a separate romance2 and it never occurred to me that there was danger1 much less sin1 in this4 ,i loved dancing to excess1 and took much delight in all that was brilliant and beautiful2 but upon the whole ,i preferred the uninterrupted course of my own vain thoughts1 and then admired myself for being of a less dissipated turn than my young friends4 ,of course1 ,i am now speaking of the time when1 according to the world's usage1 and rather earlier than usual1 that is to say1 at sixteen1 ,i was introduced into society1 by making my appearance at a grand election ball2 and moreover1 publicly receiving the compliments of the most polished and distinguished of our successful candidates1 for sundry political squibs1 said to be full of drollery and point1 which had been traced home to me4 ,alas for the girl who makes such a debut6 ,we were now again resident in the town1 or rather within the precincts1 as they are called1 surrounding that venerable cathedral which had been the object of my babyish contemplations1 and which is endeared to me beyond any other spot in my native place4 ,my beloved companion1 my brother1 had always manifested the most decided predilection for a military life4 ,often had he1 in earliest childhood1 toddled away from the gate after the fife and drum of a recruiting party2 and often did he march and countermarch me1 till ,i could not stand for fatigue1 with a grenadier's cap1 alias a muff1 on my head1 and my father's large cane shouldered by way of a firelock4 ,the menaced invasion had added fuel to his martial fire1 and when any other line of life was pointed out to him1 his high spirits would droop1 and the desire of his heart show itself with increasing decision4 ,our parents were very anxious to settle him at home for my sake1 who seemed unable to live without him2 and ,i am sure that my influence would have prevailed even over his long-cherished inclination1 so dearly did he love me1 but here the effect of that pernicious reading showed itself and forged the first link in a long chain of sorrows4 ,i viewed the matter through the lying medium of romance3 glory1 fame1 a conqueror's wreath or a hero's grave1 with all the vain merit of such a sacrifice as ,i must myself make in sending him to the field--these wrought on me to stifle in my aching bosom the cry of natural affection1 and ,i encouraged the boy in his choice1 and helped him to urge on our parents this offering up of their only son1 the darling of all our hearts1 to the ,moloch of war4 ,finding that he could not be dissuaded1 my father gave a reluctant consent2 and let me here record an instance of generous kindness on the part of the bishop4 ,he went to ,london1 and by dint of personal1 persevering importunity1 obtained in a few days a commission in the army1 at a time when seven hundred applicants1 many of them backed by strong interest1 were waiting for the same boon4 ,the suddenness of the thing was quite stunning2 we calculated on a delay of this sore trial2 but it was done1 and he was ordered to repair immediately1 not to the dpt1 but to his regiment1 then hotly engaged in the ,peninsula4 ,the bishop's kindness did not end here2 he carried his generosity further in other ways1 and likewise gave him introductions of great value4 ,i love to record it of one whose public conduct as a ,protestant prelate ,i am compelled to lament1 but whose private character was most lovely4 ,upheld by the intoxicating power of senseless romance1 not by confidence in ,god1 nor even by the reality of the patriotism that ,i persuaded myself was at the root of it all1 ,i bore to see that beloved companion of my life depart for the scene of most bloody conflict4 ,he was not nearly full grown2 a blooming beautiful boy1 reared1 and up to that time tenderly guarded under the parental roof1 in almost exclusive companionship with me4 ,there was indeed but one heart between us1 and neither could fancy what it would be to rejoice or to suffer alone4 ,of this ,i had given a proof in the preceding year4 ,he took the measles and was exceedingly ill1 and great precautions were used to preserve me from the infection2 but1 unable to brook a separation from him1 ,i baffled their vigilance1 burst into his apartment1 and laying my cheek to his1 resisted for a while all efforts to remove me4 ,to my infinite delight ,i sickened immediately1 and considered it an ample compensation for all attendant suffering1 that ,i was allowed to sit constantly in the same room with him4 ,how strong1 how sweet1 how sacred is the tie that binds an only sister to an only brother1 when they have been permitted to grow up together untrammelled by the heartless forms of fashion2 unrivalled by alien claimants in their confiding affection2 undivided in study1 in sport1 and in interest4 ,some object1 that such union renders the boy too effeminate and the girl too masculine4 ,in our case it did neither4 ,he was the manliest1 the hardiest1 most decided1 most intrepid character imaginable2 but in manners sweet1 gentle1 and courteous1 as they will be who are accustomed to look with protecting tenderness on an associate weaker than themselves4 ,and as for me1 though ,i must plead guilty to the charge of being more healthy1 more active1 and perhaps more energetic1 than young ladies are usually expected to be1 still ,i never was considered unfeminine2 and the only peculiarity resulting from this constant companionship with one of the superior sex1 was to give me a high sense of that superiority1 with a habit of deference to man's judgment and submission to man's authority1 which ,i am quite sure ,god intended the woman to yield4 ,every way has this fraternal tie been a rich blessing to me4 ,the love that grew with us from our cradles never knew diminution from time or distance4 ,other ties were formed1 but they did not supersede or weaken this4 ,death tore away all that was mortal and perishable1 but this tie he could not sunder4 ,as ,i loved him while he was on earth1 so do ,i love him now that he is in heaven2 and while ,i cherish in his sons the living likeness of what he was1 my heart evermore yearns towards him where he is4 ,parents are wrong to check as they do the outgoings of fraternal affection1 by separating those whom ,god has especially joined as the offspring of one father and one mother4 ,god has beautifully mingled them1 by sending now a babe of one sex1 now of the other1 and suiting1 as any careful observer may discern1 their various characters to form a domestic whole4 ,the parents interpose1 packing off the boys to some school where no softer influence exists to round off1 as it were1 the rugged points of the masculine disposition1 and where they soon lose all the delicacy of feeling peculiar to a brother's regard1 and learn to look on the female character in a light wholly subversive of the frankness1 the purity1 the generous care for which earth can yield no substitute1 and the loss of which only transforms him who ought to be the tender preserver of woman into her heartless destroyer4 ,the girls are either grouped at home1 with the blessed privilege of a father's eye still upon them1 or sent away in a different direction from their brothers1 exposed through unnatural and unpalatable restraints1 to evils not perhaps so great1 but every whit as wantonly incurred as the others4 ,the shyness1 miscalled retiring modesty1 with which one young lady shrinks from the notice of a gentleman as though there were danger in his approach1 and the conscious coquettish air1 miscalled ease1 with which another invites his notice1 are alike removed from the reality of either modesty or ease4 ,both result from a fictitious mode of education --both are the consequences of nipping in the bud those sisterly feelings that lay a fair foundation for the right use of those privileges to which she looks forward as a member of society2 and if the subject be viewed through the clear medium of ,christian principle1 its lights will become more brilliant1 its shadows more dark1 the longer and the closer we contemplate it4 ,,letter ,,iv4 ,,youth4 ,hitherto you have not heard of any spiritually minded person connected with my early life2 yet there was one1 ,i feel sure1 though my recollections are confused and imperfect on that point2 and one to whose prayers1 if not to her teaching1 ,i surely owe something4 ,my father's mother was a fine1 sprightly1 robust old lady1 rather small in stature1 and already bending a little under the burden of years at the time when ,i first recollect her as mingling in the visions of my childhood1 though ,i know that even from infancy ,i was the delight of her warm honest heart4 ,she was simplicity itself in manners1 her blunt speeches sometimes clashing a little with her son's notions of polish and refinement1 as also did her inveterate antipathy to the reigning fashion1 whatever that might be4 ,i remember her reading me a lecture upon something novel in the cut of a sleeve1 ending by this remark3 ,i never wore a gown but of one shape2 and because ,i don't follow the fashion1 the fashion is forced to come to me sometimes by way of a change4 ,i can't help that1 you know1 my dear2 but ,i never was fashionable on purpose4 ,she added some pious remarks on vanity and folly1 which ,i soon forgot2 but the other dwelt on my mind because it chimed in with my own love of independence--a prominent characteristic with me2 too often carried to the excess of self-willed obstinacy4 ,however1 ,i dearly loved and exceedingly respected my grand mother1 and used in my heart to glory in her smooth clean locks1 half brown1 half grey1 combed down from under a snowy cap of homely make1 when she had successfully resisted alike the entreaties and examples of contemporary dames1 who submitted their heads to the curling-irons and powder-puff of a frizeur1 preparatory to an evening party4 ,i used to stand proudly at her knee1 admiring the high color of her cheek1 and uncommon brilliancy of her fine dark hazle eye1 while her voice1 remarkably rich and clear1 involuntarily swelled the chorus parts of our magnificent music4 ,she was a ,percy1 not by name1 for that had been lost in the female line some generations before1 but the pedigree in my possession shows how just was her vaunt in that respect4 ,for vaunt it she did1 to us at least1 often bringing it forward to check any tendency to behavior unbefitting those who claimed descent from ,the stout earl of ,northumberland1 with whom ,i ought to be well acquainted1 for the singing of ,chevy ,chace in proper time and tune with her1 was the only secular accomplishment in which my dear grandmother personally labored to perfect me1 except knitting and curious old-fashioned needlework4 ,the pride of ancestry took strong hold of my mind1 and such an ancestry accorded but too well with my romance1 innate and acquired4 ,it stood me1 many a time1 in the stead of better things1 when nerving myself to endure affliction and wrong2 and therefore ,i notice it1 to warn you against exposing your own children to the same snare4 ,next to the fashion1 if not in an equal or superior degree1 ,i think my grandmother most abhorred the ,french4 ,indeed her strongest denunciations against the reigning modes were usually clinched with the triumphant assertion that they were ,french fashions4 ,no marvel if her spirit was stirred within her by the horrors of revolutionary ,france1 and her ,protestantism strengthened by the butcheries of ,ninety-eight4 ,i knew that she was a protester and a tory of no common stamp2 and ,i knew that she brought her ,bible forward in support of every opinion that she uttered4 ,rarely did ,i visit her without finding her buried in the study of that blessed book2 and ,i know that she strove to teach me much of its meaning2 but our change of residence proved a great bar to personal intercourse1 and she never wrote letters4 ,i sometimes trace impressions on my mind1 made in early life1 which ,i am sure must have been through her means1 and though the good seed died on the ground1 while the weeds took root and flourished1 still1 here and there a grain might sink below the surface1 to spring up after many days4 ,and now ,i must record my first sorrow1 although ,i cannot dwell upon it as on some other things4 ,my brother had been nearly two years absent1 on service in the ,peninsula1 when an apoplectic attack arrested my lather in the midst of life and health and vigor1 and every promise of lengthened years4 ,the premonitory visitations of repeated strokes were disregarded1 for we could not1 would not1 realize the approach of such an event1 and persisted in believing them nervous2 but just when all cause for alarm seemed at an end1 and ,i was rejoicing in the assurance of its being so1 ,i was called from my pillow at midnight to see that tender and beloved parent die4 ,the bereavement was terrible to me3 ,i had always been his principal companion1 because no one else in the family had a taste for those things in which he delighted--literature and politics especially--and since my brother's departure1 instead of seeking to replace him by friends of my own age1 ,i had turned wholly to my father1 never desiring to pass an hour out of his society1 and striving to be to him both daughter and son4 ,my mother was a perfect devotee to household affairs1 every thought occupied in seeking to promote the domestic comforts of her family2 while ,i1 indulging a natural antipathy to all that did not engage the intellectual powers1 gave her no help there1 ,i was truly cumbering the ground1 seeking only my own gratification1 and dignifying my selfishness with many fine names1 only because it was best indulged in my own dear home4 ,from the period of my loss of hearing1 music had been wholly banished2 my father seemed to lose all relish for what could no longer minister enjoyment to me1 and deeply ,i felt the force of that affection which could so instantly and wholly overcome the ruling passion of his mind1 accompanied as it was with such exquisite skill in that delightful science as rendered him the admiration of all who came within its influence4 ,it redoubled my devotion to him1 and most bitter was the anguish of my heart when ,i beheld him taken away at a stroke4 ,was this affliction sanctified to me8 ,not in the least4 ,i found a luxury in grieving alone1 brooding on the past1 and painting the probable future in any colors but those of reality4 ,my father had enjoyed two livings with a minor canonry in the cathedral1 but the emolument was very small1 and his income had not allowed him1 as yet1 to make any provision for us4 ,a small annuity was all that my mother could depend on1 and ,i resolved to become a novel-writer1 for which ,i was just qualified1 both by nature and habits of thinking1 and in which ,i should probably have succeeded very well1 but it pleased ,god to save me from this snare4 ,my brother's unexpected return on leave1 with our subsequent changes of abode1 paying visits among friends1 and keeping my thoughts constantly unsettled1 hindered the execution of the project2 and when my brother returned to ,portugal1 we repaired to ,london1 to make a long stay with some near relations4 ,it was there that ,i met with the gentleman1 an officer on leave of absence1 whose wife1 at the end of six months1 ,i became4 ,i am longing to arrive at that period when the light of the glorious gospel of ,christ first shone upon me through the darkness of many trying dispensations2 therefore ,i pass by much that intervened1 including my dear brother's marriage1 who returned again to ,london with his bride and his mother1 to resume his staff situation there2 and shall only take you with me across the ,atlantic1 for a few ,nova ,scotian reminiscences1 before proceeding to the scene of my most precious recollections1 dear ,ireland4 ,my husband had joined his regiment in ,halifax1 and sent me a summons to follow him out without delay2 in order to which ,i was obliged to embark in a large vessel taken up partially by government for the conveyance of troops1 but in which there was a select party1 occupying the state cabin1 and making their own terms with the captain for the best possible accommodation and provision on the passage4 ,of this number was ,i2 and certainly a more select1 polished and agreeable party of highly bred gentlemen could not have been found4 ,i went under the kind care of one of these1 with his wife1 who had invited me to travel with them4 ,have you ever been at sea8 ,it is a question the answer to which will throw very little light on the matter1 unless you also state how it agreed with you3 no two races on the earth can be more distinct than those two are upon the water--the people who are sea-sick and the people who are not4 ,it was my happy privilege to belong to the latter class2 ,i never for a moment experienced even an unpleasant sensation from any marine cause1 but on the contrary enjoyed exemption from all physical annoyances during a five weeks' voyage1 excepting that of hunger4 ,an abundant supply of every thing that was nourishing1 in the most palatable form1 left no excuse for remaining hungry2 nevertheless the demand was incessantly kept up2 and ,i appeal to all who have been similarly affected1 whether the munching of hard sea-bread from morning to night under the pressure of a real sea appetite1 is not a greater luxury than the choicest viands on shore4 ,to me it certainly was2 and surely ,i had reason to be deeply thankful to the ,lord1 who1 by means of that delicious voyage1 and its bracing exhilarating effects1 prepared me for a trying winter in the singular climate for which ,i was bound4 ,every day1 and all day long1 be the weather what it might1 ,i was stationed on deck1 generally seated on the highest point of the ship's stern1 directly over the rudder1 to enjoy a full view of that most graceful and exquisite spectacle1 a large vessel's course through the mighty deep4 ,ours was a splendid one1 a ,west ,indiaman1 almost rivalling the sea-palaces of the ,east ,india ,company1 and manned in the first style4 ,the troops on board1 under the command of a field officer1 greatly added to the effect and comfort of the thing1 for nothing is so conducive to the latter as military discipline1 well and mildly maintained4 ,although our party was perfectly distinct from those who went out entirely at the charge of government1 consisting of several officers and their wives1 yet we too were nearly all military1 including the commandant1 and were strictly amenable to martial law4 ,of course that soul of domestic and social comfort1 punctuality1 reigned paramount2 every meal was regulated by beat of drum1 subordination carefully preserved1 and decorum1 to the most minute particular1 insisted on4 ,no dishabille could appear1 in the cabin or on deck2 no litter1 not an article of luggage visible4 ,all the sick people1 all the cross people1 and all the whimsical people were stowed away in their respective berths1 and such drawing-room elegance1 combined with the utmost freedom of good-humor and the unrestrained frankness that results from a consciousness of proper restraint1 pervaded our little select coterie1 amounting to seventeen gentlemen and two ladies1 that it did not need the miserable contrast which ,i afterwards experienced on the homeward passage1 to assure me we were among the most favored of ocean travellers4 ,how very much do they err who consider the absence of order and method as supplying greater liberty or removing a sense of restraint4 ,such freedom is galling to me2 and in my eyes1 the want of punctuality is a want of honest principle2 for however people may think themselves authorized to rob ,god and themselves of their own time1 they can plead no right to lay a violent hand on the time and duties of their neighbor4 ,i say it deliberately1 that ,i have been defrauded of hundreds of pounds1 and cruelly deprived of my necessary refreshment in exercise1 in sleep1 and even in seasonable food1 through this disgraceful want of punctuality in others1 more than through any cause whatsoever besides4 ,it is also very irritating2 for a person who would cheerfully bestow a piece of gold1 does not like to be swindled out of a piece of copper2 and of many an hour have ,i been ungenerously wronged1 to the excitement of feelings in themselves far from right1 when ,i would gladly have so arranged my work as to bestow upon the robbers thrice the time they made me wantonly sacrifice4 ,to say1 ,i will come to you on such a day1 leaving the person to expect you early1 and then1 after wasting her day in that uncomfortable1 unsettled state of looking out for a guest1 which precludes all application to present duties1 to come late in the evening--or to accept an invitation to dinner1 and either break the engagement or throw the household into confusion by making it wait--to appoint a meeting1 and fail of keeping your time--all these1 and many other effects of this vile habit are exceedingly disgraceful1 and wholly opposed to the scriptural rules laid down for the governance of our conduct one to another4 ,i say nothing of the insult put upon the ,most ,high1 the daring presumption of breaking in upon the devotions of his worshippers1 and involving them in the sin of abstractedness from the solemn work before them1 by entering late into the house of prayer4 ,such persons may one day find they have a more serious account to render on the score of their contempt of punctuality1 than they seem willing to believe4 ,but ,i have run away from my ship--yet not so2 for as every thing shines out most by contrast1 it was natural to think on the ugly reverse when recalling the beautiful harmony and order of our regulations on board4 ,we were favored with most delightful weather1 fresh and dry and warm2 with only one day's hard rain1 during which the sea ran mountains1 as the sailors said4 ,i was conducted on deck1 just for one minute1 that you may be able to say you have seen such a sea1 remarked the gentleman who put a military cloak over me1 and led me up the stairs4 ,but who could be satisfied with a momentary sight of any thing so stupendously grand8 ,i resisted all efforts to persuade me into retreating again1 and it ended in my being lashed to the mizenmast by my friendly conductor1 who declared that his head1 the best landsman's head on board1 would not stand the giddy scene2 in short1 that he should be obliged to report himself sick1 and exchange our agreeable society below for the solitude of his berth4 ,of course ,i dismissed him1 and was left among the mountains1 alone1 save when a sailor passed me on his duties among the rigging1 and gave me a smile of approval1 while the man at the wheel seemed to regard me as being under his especial patronage4 ,the tars love one who does not flinch from their own element4 ,truly1 ,i saw that day the works of the ,lord and his wonders in the great deep4 ,imagine yourself in a ship1 large among vessels1 but a mere cork upon the waters of that mighty main4 ,on every side1 turn where you would1 a huge mountain of irregular form was rising-dark1 smooth1 of unbroken surface1 but seeming about to burst from over-extension4 ,how did you come into that strange valley8 how should you get out of it8 how avoid the rush of that giant billow that even now overhangs your bark8 ,these questions would inevitably rush through the mind2 but in a second of time the huge body beside you sunk1 you were on its summit1 and another came rolling on4 ,meanwhile the ship would reel1 with a slow slanting movement that gradually lowered the tall masts till the yards almost dipped in the brine1 and you were either laid back on the frame- work behind you1 or well-nigh suspended1 looking down upon the water over the ship's bulwarks4 ,i soon discovered why my companion had so carefully buckled the leather strap that held me to the mast2 certainly ,i cannot recall the scene with such steadiness of nerve as ,i beheld it with4 ,every now and then a small billow would burst upon the vessel's side1 sending its liquid treasure across the deck1 and more than one ablution of the kind was added to the fresh-water drenching bestowed by the clouds4 ,can you fancy the discomfort of such a situation8 ,then you were never at sea1 or at least you left your imagination ashore2 for ,i defy any person not well inured to it1 to look on such a scene with so negative a feeling as discomfort2 it will excite either terror or delight sufficient to engross the whole mind4 ,i well remember that1 when deeply affected by the grandeur of this and other aspects assumed by the majestic main1 ,i found the highest flights of man's sublimity too low4 ,they would not express1 would not chime in with my conceptions2 and ,i was driven to the inspired pages for a commentary on the glorious scene4 ,it was then that the language of ,job1 of ,isaiah1 of ,habakkuk1 supplied me with a strain suited to the sublime accompaniment of ,god's magnificent work4 ,sunrise ,i could not witness1 because at that hour no lady might appear on deck1 and my cabin had not a side-window2 but sunset1 moonlight1 starlight1 with the various phenomena of ocean's ever-varying appearance1 these furnished an endless contemplation with which nothing could accord but the language of ,holy writ4 ,i did not bring forth my ,bible1 well knowing the bantering remarks to which it would have exposed me on the score of affectation1 but my memory served me equally well in that as in profane poetry2 and many a precious word of warning1 exhortation1 and promise did ,i recite1 enchanted by the sublimity of what1 as to its spiritual meaning1 was still an unknown tongue to me4 ,among these1 the thirty-second of ,deuteronomy1 the fortieth of ,isaiah1 and other passages full of the gospel1 were repeatedly called to mind2 and above all1 in blowing weather1 the forty-sixth ,psalm delighted me4 ,you may suppose that ,i could not wholly forget the fact of being where1 in the strictest sense1 there was but a step between me and death4 ,the first day of our voyage some one had quoted the expression1 ,there is but a plank between us and eternity1 not with any serious application1 but as a fine thought4 ,i do not think that ,i was ever for a moment unmindful of this2 the presence of actual danger was always felt by me3 but concerning eternity ,i had no fears whatever4 ,a general reliance on the boundless mercy of ,god1 a recognition of ,christ as having suffered for our sins1 and a degree of self-righteousness that easily threw my sins into the shade1 while magnifying my supposed merits1 these formed the staff whereon ,i leaned2 and when the most imminent and appalling peril overhung us1 so that we expected to be ingulfed in the waves without hope of succor1 ,i looked it boldly in the face1 confident in my false hope4 ,although just then revelling in enjoyments best suited to my natural taste1 life had in reality no charms for me4 ,from all that had gilded the sonny hours of youth ,i was completely severed1 and the world on which ,i had launched was a wilderness indeed in comparison with the ,eden ,i had left4 ,i would not have made the slightest effort to escape from death in any form2 and though ,i was not senseless enough to prefer an eternity of untried wretchedness to the fleeting sorrows of mortal life1 yet as my conscience was lulled to rest by the self-delusion that ,i suffered more than ,i deserved1 and had therefore a claim on divine justice1 and as ,i was willing to receive the supposed balance of such debtor and creditor account in the world to come1 ,i was perfectly content to be summoned to my reward4 ,blessed be ,god that ,i was not taken away in that hour of blind willingness4 ,the extreme peril to which ,i have alluded overtook us when within a short distance of our destination2 we were suddenly caught by a tremendous wind from the south1 which blew us right in the direction of ,cape ,sable1 one of the most fatal headlands in those seas4 ,night closed upon us and the gale increased2 sails were spread1 in a desperate hope of shifting the vessel's course1 but were instantly torn into ribbons4 ,at one time1 for a moment1 the rudder broke loose1 the tiller-rope giving way under the violent strain upon it2 and the next minute the spanker-boom1 an immense piece of timber1 snapped like a reed4 ,it was an awful scene3 on the leeside the ship lay so low in the water that every thing was afloat in the sleeping cabins2 and the poor ladies were screaming over their terrified children1 unheeded by the gentlemen1 every one of whom was on deck4 ,the captain openly declared we were bound for the bottom1 if a very sudden and unlikely change of wind did not take place4 ,in the midst of all this1 ,i was reported missing1 and as ,i had the privilege of being every body's care1 because1 for the time being1 ,i belonged to nobody1 a search was commenced4 ,a young officer found me1 at last1 so singularly situated1 that he went and reported me to the captain4 ,i had climbed three tiers of lockers in the state cabin1 opened one of the large stern windows1 and was leaning out1 as far as ,i could reach1 enraptured beyond expression with the terrific grandeur of the scene4 ,the sky above was black as midnight and the storm could make it1 overhanging us like a large pall1 and rendered awfully visible by the brilliancy of the waters beneath4 ,i had heard of that phosphorescent appearance in the sea1 but never could have imagined its grandeur1 nor can ,i essay to describe it4 ,even in perfect stillness the illuminated element would have looked magnificent2 what1 then must it have been in a state of excessive1 tumultuous agitation1 the waves swelling up to a fearful height and then bursting into sheets of foam2 every drop containing some luminous animalcul sparkling with vivid1 yet delicate lustre8 ,we were going with headlong speed before the wind1 and ,i hung right over the track of the rudder1 a wild1 mad eddy of silver foam1 intermingled with fire4 ,there was something in the scene that far overpassed all my extravagant imaginings of the terribly sublime4 ,the hurry1 the fierceness1 the riot of those unfettered waters1 the wild flash of their wondrous lights1 the funereal blackness of the overhanging clouds1 and the deep1 desperate plunge of our gallant ship1 as she seemed to rend her way through an opposing chaos--it was perfect delirium2 and no doubt ,i should have appeared in keeping with the rest to any external observer1 for ,i was stretching out at the window1 the combs had fallen from my hair1 which streamed as wildly as the rent sails2 and ,i was frequently deluged by some bursting wave1 as the dip of the vessel brought me down almost to the surface4 ,the peril of an open window was startling to those on deck1 and the captain1 hearing that ,i refused to relinquish my post1 sent the mate to put up the dead-lights2 so ,i sat down on the floor1 buried my face in my hands1 and strove to realize the magnificence thus rent from my sight4 ,yes1 ,god's works in the great deep are indeed wonders4 ,nothing landward can possibly approach them3 in the rudest tempest the ground remains firm1 and you feel that you are a spectator2 but at sea you are a part of the storm4 ,the plank whereon you stand refuses to support you1 ever shifting its inclination2 while the whole of your frail tenement is now borne aloft1 now dashed into the liquid furrow beneath1 now struck back by a head-sea with a shock that makes every timber quiver1 now flung on one side as if about to reverse itself in the bosom of the deep4 ,no doubt the sense of personal danger1 the death-pang already anticipated1 the dark abyss that yawns before the sinner1 and the heaven opening on a believer's soul1 must each and any of them deaden the sense to what ,i have vainly sought to describe2 and ,i suppose this accounts for the astonishment expressed by the whole party at my singular conduct1 when the youth who was sent to warn me of the peril1 described my half-angry1 half-reproachful pettishness at the interruption3 ,can't you let me enjoy it in peace1 ,mr4 ,j----8 ,shall ,i ever see any thing like it again8 ,do go away4 ,but the captain says the window must be shut4 ,then take me on deck1 and you may shut it4 ,that is utterly impossible2 no lady could stand for an instant on deck1 your drapery would bear you over the ship's side4 ,then ,i wont shut the window3 so go and tell ,captain ,l---- not to tease me with messages4 ,this was downright recklessness4 ,i wonder when recalling it to mind1 and feel that ,i could not have thus sported with death after ,i acquired a good and solid hope of everlasting life4 ,the act of dying had always great terrors for me1 until1 through adverse circumstances1 ,i seemed to have nothing worth living for1 and then ,i could laugh at it in my own heart4 ,strange to say1 that fearfulness of the passage through the dark valley returned with double force when ,i had realized a personal claim to the guiding rod and the supporting staff1 and the bright inheritance beyond4 ,but before this period of blessedness1 of joy and peace in believing arrived1 ,i had to pass through many waters of affliction1 and to experience remarkable interpositions at ,his hand who was leading me by a path which ,i knew not4 ,two of them ,i will mention4 ,while at ,annapolis and at ,windsor1 ,i had a horse provided for me of rare beauty and grace1 but a perfect ,bucephalus in her way4 ,this creature was not three years old1 and1 to all appearance1 unbroken4 ,her manners were those of a kid rather than of a horse2 she was of a lovely dappled grey1 with mane and tail of silver1 the latter almost sweeping the ground2 and in her frolicsome gambols she turned it over her back like a ,newfoundland dog4 ,her slow step was a bound2 her swift motion unlike that of any other animal ,i ever rode1 so fleet1 so smooth1 so unruffled--,i know nothing to which ,i can compare it4 ,well1 ,i made this lovely creature so fond of me by constant petting1 to which ,i suppose her ,arab character made her peculiarly sensitive1 that my voice had equal power over her as over my docile1 faithful dog4 ,no other person could in the slightest degree control her4 ,our corps1 the seventh battalion of the sixtieth ,rifles1 was composed wholly of the elite of ,napoleon's soldiers1 taken in the ,peninsula1 and preferring the ,british service to a prison4 ,they were principally conscripts1 and many were evidently of a higher class in society than is usually found in the ranks4 ,among them were several ,chasseurs and ,polish ,lancers1 very fine equestrians1 and as my husband had a field officer's command--on detachments--and allowances1 our horses were well looked after4 ,his groom was a ,chasseur1 mine a ,pole2 but neither could ride ,fairy1 unless she happened to be in a very gracious mood4 ,lord ,dalhousie's ,english coachman afterwards tried his hand at taming her1 but all in vain4 ,in an easy quiet way1 she either sent her rider over her head1 or by a laughable manoeuvre sitting down like a dog on her haunches1 slipped him off the other way4 ,her drollery made the poor men so fond of her that she was rarely chastised2 and such a wilful1 intractable wild ,arab it would be hard to find4 ,upon her ,i was daily mounted2 and surely the ,lord watched over me then indeed4 ,inexperienced in riding1 untaught1 unassisted1 and wholly unable to lay any check upon so powerful an animal1 with an awkward country saddle1 which by some fatality was never well fixed1 bit and bridle to match1 and the mare's natural fire increased by high feed1 behold me bound for the wildest paths in the wildest regions of that wild country4 ,but you must explore the roads about ,annapolis1 and the romantic spot called ,the ,general's ,bridge1 to imagine either the enjoyment or the perils of that my happiest hour4 ,reckless to the last degree of desperation1 ,i threw myself entirely on4 the fond attachment of the noble creature2 and when ,i saw her measuring with her eye some rugged fence or wild chasm1 such as it was her common sport to leap over in her play1 the soft word of remonstrance that checked her was uttered more from regard to her safety than my own4 ,the least whisper1 a pat on the neck1 or a stroke down the beautiful face that she used to throw up towards mine1 would control her3 and never for a moment did she endanger me4 ,this was little short of a daily miracle1 when we consider the nature of the country1 her character1 and my unskilfulness4 ,it can only be accounted for on the ground of that wondrous power which having willed me to work for a time in the vineyard of the ,lord1 rendered me immortal until the work should be done4 ,oh that my soul1 and all that is within me could sufficiently bless the ,lord1 and remember all his benefits4 ,i was then unmindful of1 and unthankful for his protection2 ,i revelled in the delights of a freedom that none could share but my dog1 who never left the side of his associate4 ,shall ,i give you a sketch of the group1 in some lines composed during one of those excursions8 ,they may partly describe it4 ,i found1 them among some old papers4 ,i know by the ardor thou canst not restrain1 ,by the curve of thy neck and the toss of thy mane1 ,by the foam of thy snorting which spangles my brow1 ,the fire of the ,arab is hot in thee now4 ',twere harsh to control thee1 my frolicsome steed2 ,i give thee the rein--so away at thy speed2 ,thy rider will dare to be wilful as thee1 ,laugh the future to scorn1 and partake in thy glee4 ,away to the mountain--what need we to fear8 ,pursuit cannot press on my ,fairy's career2 ,full light were the heel and well-balanced the head ,that ventured to follow the track of thy tread1 ,where roars the loud torrent and starts the rude plank1 ,and thunders the rook-severed mass down the bank1 ,while mirrored in crystal the far-shooting glow1 ,with dazzling effulgence is sparkling below4 ,one start1 and ,i die2 yet in peace ,i recline1 ,my bosom can rest on the fealty of thine3 ,thou lov'st me1 my sweet one1 and would'st not be free1 ,from a yoke that has never borne rudely on thee4 ,ah1 pleasant the empire of those to confess1 ,whose wrath is a whisper1 their rule a caress4 ,behold how thy playmate is stretching beside1 ,as loath to be vanquished in love or in pride1 ,while upward he glances his eyeball of jet1 ,half dreading thy fleetness may distance him yet4 ,ah1 ,marco1 poor ,marco--our pastime to-day ,were reft of one pleasure if he were away4 ,how precious these moments3 fair freedom expands ,her pinions of light o'er the desolate lands2 ,the waters are flashing as bright as thine eye1 ,unchained as thy motion the breezes sweep by1 ,delicious they come1 o'er the flower-scented earth1 ,like whispers of love from the isle of my birth2 ,while the white-bosomed ,cistus her perfume exhales1 ,and sighs out a spicy farewell to the gales4 ,unfeared and unfearing we'll traverse the wood1 ,where pours the rude torrent its turbulent flood3 ,the forest's red children will smile as we scour ,by the log-fashioned hut and the pine-woven bower2 ,thy feathery footsteps scarce bending the grass1 ,or denting the dew-spangled moss where we pass ,what startles thee8 ',twas but the sentinel gun ,flashed a vesper salute to thy rival the sun2 ,he has closed his swift progress before thee1 and sweeps ,with fetlock of gold the last verge of the steeps4 ,the fire-fly anon from his covert shall glide1 ,and dark fall the shadows of eve on the tide4 ,tread softly--my spirit is joyous no more4 ,a northern aurora1 it shone and is o'er2 ,the tears will fall fast as ,i gather the rein1 ,and a long look reverts to yon shadowy plain4 99 99 99 99 99 ,there is more of it1 but nothing to the purpose of the present history4 ,it cost me something to transcribe this1 so vividly is the past recalled by it4 ,would to ,god ,i might more fully devote to his service every day of the life so wonderfully preserved by him4 ,in addition to this continuous preservation on horseback1 ,i experienced the same interposing providence when violently upset in a gig4 ,the road where it occurred was strewn with broken rocks on either side1 for miles2 and scarcely one clear spot appeared1 save that on which ,i was thrown1 where a carpet of the softest grass overspread a perfect level of about twelve feet in length1 and nearly the same in width4 ,here ,i fell1 with no other injury than a contusion on the hip4 ,the gig was completely reversed1 the horse dashed on till he ran one of the shafts into a bank1 and set himself fast4 ,my sojourn in this interesting country was of two years' duration1 marked with many mercies1 among the greatest of which was the uninterrupted enjoyment of perfect health1 although my first winter there was the most severe that had been known for thirty years1 and the following summer one of the most oppressively hot they had ever experienced4 ,the gradations of spring1 autumn1 and twilight1 are there scarcely known1 and the sudden transition from summer to winter is as trying to the health of an ,european as that from day to night is uncongenial to the taste4 ,here1 too1 ,i repented at leisure1 and amended with no small difficulty and labor1 my neglect of those accomplishments to which my dear mother had so often vainly solicited my attention4 ,the pencil was profitless2 ,i had long thrown it by3 books were no longer an adequate set-off against realities1 even could ,i have conjured up a library in the wilderness of ,nova ,scotia's inland settlement2 but the culinary and confectionary branches were there invaluable1 and in them ,i was wofully deficient4 ,had ,i not coaxed the old ,french soldier who officiated as mess-cook to give me a few lessons1 we must have lived on raw meal and salt rations during weeks when the roads were completely snowed up1 and no provisions could he brought in4 ,however1 ,i proved an apt scholar to poor ,sebastian1 and to the kind neighbors who initiated me into the mysteries of preserves and pastry4 ,young ladies cannot tell into what situations events may throw them2 and ,i would strongly recommend the revival of that obsolete study called good housewifery4 ,the woman who cannot dispense with female servants1 must not travel4 ,i had none for six months1 keen winter months1 in ,annapolis2 the only persons who could be found disengaged being of characters wholly inadmissible4 ,the straits to which ,i was put were any thing but laughable at the time1 though the recollection now often excites a smile4 ,indeed no perfection in ,european housekeeping would avail to guard against the devastations that a ,nova ,scotian frost will make1 if not met by tactics peculiar to that climate4 ,how could ,i anticipate that a fine piece of beef1 fresh-killed1 brought in at noon still warm1 would by two o'clock require smart blows with a hatchet to slice off a steak2 or that half-a-dozen plates1 perfectly dry1 placed at a moderate distance from the fire preparatory to dinner1 would presently separate into half a hundred fragments1 through the action of heat on their frosted pores2 or that milk drawn from a cow within sight of my breakfast-table would be sheeted with ice on its passage thither2 or that a momentary pause1 for the choice of a fitting phrase in writing a letter1 would load the nib of my pen with a black icicle8 ,if ,i did not cry over my numerous breakages and other disasters1 it was under the apprehension of tears freezing on my eyelids2 and truly they might have done so1 for my fingers were once in that awful condition that must have ended in mortification1 but for the presence of mind of a poor soldier1 who1 seeing me running to the fire in that state1 drew his bayonet to bar my approach1 and wrapping a coarse cloth round my lifeless hands1 muff-fashion1 compelled me to walk up and down the spacious hall until the circulation returned1 which it did with a sensation of agony that well-nigh took away my senses4 ,this was a most signal escape1 for ,i was wholly ignorant of my danger1 and not a little perplexed and annoyed at the insubordinate conduct of the veteran1 who was a model of respectful humility4 ,had he1 poor fellow1 known how busy those fingers would one day be against his religion--for he was a ,french ,romanist--he might have been tempted to sheath his bayonet and give me free access to the tempting fire1 the immense faggots of which would have sufficed to roast a heretic4 ,nova ,scotia is1 ,i firmly believe1 the most generally and devotedly loyal of all our colonies3 the attachment of its people to the mother-country is beautiful1 and their partisanship in all questions between us and the ,states most zealous4 ,the only fault ,i had to find with them was their indifference towards the poor relics of the ,indian race still dwelling in the woods1 who were to me objects of the liveliest interest even before ,i had any feeling of ,christian duty towards the heathen--or towards such as those who are worse than heathen1 being numbered among the members of the ,romish church1 and utterly1 wretchedly ignorant even of such little truth as remains buried under the mass of antichristian error1 to make its darkness more visible4 ,the ,indians are wholly despised2 scarcely looked on as beings of the same race1 by the generality of the colonists4 ,where ,christian principle prevails1 they become of course important in the highest degree2 but ,i speak of what ,i saw1 when vital godliness was little known among them1 and ,i can aver that even ,lord ,dalhousie scarcely could succeed in stirring up a momentary interest for the dispersed aborigines4 ,that excellent nobleman devoted himself very warmly to the work of attempting their civilization2 and told me that if a few would join him heartily and zealously in the effort1 he should succeed2 but that1 between1 lukewarmness on the one side and suspicion on the other1 he found himself completely baffled4 ,it was not to be wondered at that the ,indians had a lurking dread of experiencing again the hardships1 not to say the treachery and cruelty1 inflicted on their fathers4 ,i enjoyed a high place in the affection and confidence of those interesting people1 the origin of which may help to prove at how light an estimate the poor creatures were generally rated by their white brethren4 ,my claim on their attachment consisted in nothing more than the performance of a bounden duty in sheltering for a few weeks one of their number who had1 in a most unprovoked and cruel manner1 been wounded by a party of our soldiers and left to perish in the woods4 ,how beautiful do the white cliffs of ,albion appear in the eyes of the returning wanderer who has learned by a foreign sojourn to estimate the comforts1 the privileges1 the blessings of this island home4 ,no place could be more thoroughly ,english in feeling1 habits1 and principles1 than ,nova ,scotia2 but it was not ,england4 ,the violent transition of seasons1 so different from the soft gradations by which1 with us1 winter brightens into summer1 and summer fades into winter1 marked a contrast far from pleasing2 and the intensity of cold1 the fierceness of heat1 alike unknown in our temperate climate1 forced comparisons far from agreeable4 ,thus1 on the lowest ground of a wholly selfish feeling1 the approach to nay native shore could not be otherwise than delightful2 but viewed as the mother-land1 as the great emporium of commerce1 the chief temple of liberty1 the nurse of military prowess1 the unconquered champion of all that is nationally great throughout the world1 the sight of our free and happy isle is indeed an inspiring one to those who can appreciate moral grandeur4 ,how much more1 in the eyes of the ,christian1 is she to be esteemed as the glory of all lands1 as possessing the true knowledge of ,god1 and laboring to spread that knowledge throughout the world2 the land of ,protestantism1 the land of the ,bible4 ,i really cannot understand the meaning1 nor fancy what may be the feeling1 of those who profess to have merged their patriotism in something of universal good-will to the household of faith all over the world4 ,it seems to me every whit as unnatural as that the member of a ,christian family should forego all the sweets of conjugal1 parental1 filial1 fraternal love1 in the determination to feel an equal regard for his neighbor's wife1 husband1 etc41 as for his own2 and1 moreover1 to take an equal concern in the affairs of his neighbor's kitchen as in his own household matters4 ,this sort of generalizing regard would throw our respective establishments into singular confusion1 and might betray ourselves into sundry false positions1 and very awkward predicaments4 ,however1 the comparative extinction of natural affection would form the most prominently reprehensible feature in the case2 and ,i cannot but think that the boasted cosmopolitanism of some good people would wear an aspect not very dissimilar1 if rightly and soberly viewed4 ,certainly ,i could no more tear the love of country from my heart1 than ,i could the love of kindred2 and when my step again pressed the ,english strand1 it was with a sensation almost resembling the fabled invigoration of the ,titans1 who derived new life1 new strength1 new enterprise1 from coming in contact with their mother earth4 ,england1 indeed1 contained little that was personally endearing to me1 except my beloved surviving parent2 but it was a joyous thing to embrace her once more1 after the deep roll of the ocean had separated us for nearly three years2 during a portion of which she had been learning to prize her native land1 in a disgusting region of all that is most directly opposed to liberty1 civil or religious--to honorable feeling1 just conduct1 honest principle1 or practical decency4 ,in short1 she had been in ,portugal4 ,,letter ,v4 ,,ireland4 ,i now arrive at an epoch from which ,i may date the commencement of all that deserves to be called life1 inasmuch as ,i had hitherto been living without ,god in the world4 ,my existence was a feverish dream of vain pleasure first1 and then of agitations and horrors4 ,my mind was a chaos of useless information1 my character a mass of unapplied energies1 my heart a waste of unclaimed affections1 and my hope an enigma of confused speculations4 ,i had plenty to do1 yet felt that ,i was doing nothing2 and there was a growing want within my bosom1 a craving after ,i know not what--a restless1 unsatisfied1 unhappy feeling1 that seemed in quest of some unknown good4 ,how this was awakened1 ,i know not2 it was unaccompanied with any conviction of my own sinfulness1 or any doubt of my perfect safety as a child of ,god4 ,i did not anticipate any satisfaction from change of place2 but readily prepared to obey a summons from my husband to follow him to ,ireland1 whither he had gone to engage in a law-suit4 ,to be sure ,i hated ,ireland most cordially2 ,i had never seen it1 and as a matter of choice would have preferred ,new ,south ,wales1 so completely was ,i influenced by the prevailing prejudice against that land of barbarism4 ,many people despise ,ireland1 who1 if you demand a reason1 will tell you it is a horrid place1 and the people all savages2 but if you press for proofs and illustrations1 furthermore such deponents say not4 ,on a dull day in ,april ,i took my place1 a solitary traveller1 in the ,shrewsbury coach1 quite ignorant as to the road ,i was to travel1 and far less at home than ,i should have been in the wildest part of ,north ,america1 or on the deck of a ship bound to circumnavigate the globe4 ,we rattled out of ,london1 and the first thing that at all roused my attention was a moonlight view of ,oxford1 where we stopped at midnight to change horses4 ,those old grey towers1 and mighty masses of ancient building1 on which the silvery ray fell with fine effect1 awoke in my bosom two melancholy trains of thought2 one was the recollection of my father1 whose enthusiastic attachment to his own university had often provoked warm discussion with the no less attached ,cantabs of our old social parties1 and who often held out to me1 as the greatest of earthly gratifications1 a visit with him to that seat of learning which he would describe in glowing colors4 ,but where was my father now8 ,his poor girl1 the delight of his eyes and treasure of his heart1 was in ,oxford1 with none to guide1 none to guard1 none to speak a cheering word to her4 ,i shrunk back in the coach1 and grieved over this till a sudden turning once more threw before me the outline of some magnificent old fabric bathed in moonlight1 and that called up a fit of patriotism1 calculated to darken1 yet more the prospect before me4 ,this was ,england1 my own proud ,england2 and these the cloud-capped towers1 the gorgeous palaces1 that distinguished her seats of learning above all others1 ,i was bound for ,ireland4 ,what ,english young lady had ever studied the history of that remote1 half-civilized settlement1 called ,ireland8 ,not ,i1 certainly1 nor any of my acquaintance2 but ,i took it for granted that ,ireland had no antiquities1 nothing to distinguish her from other barbarous lands1 except that her people ate potatoes1 made blunders1 and went to mass4 ,i felt it a sort of degradation to have an ,irish name1 and to go there as a resident2 but comforted myself by resolving never in one particular to give in to any ,irish mode of living1 speaking1 or thinking1 and to associate only with such as had been at least educated in ,england4 ,the next day's rising sun shone upon ,stratford-on-,avon2 and here revived in some degree my ,shakspearian mania1 to the still higher exaltation of my ,english stilts1 and the deeper debasement of all rough ,irish kernes4 ,at ,shrewsbury we parted with a kind old lady1 who had shown me some good-natured attentions1 and ,i was left with only an elderly gentleman1 bound also for ,dublin1 who told me we must start at three o'clock the following morning for ,holyhead4 ,i was dreadfully dejected1 and told him ,i hoped he would not think the worse of me for being so utterly alone1 and that he would excuse my retiring to my own apartment the instant we had dined4 ,he took pencil and paper1 and with a glow of benevolent feeling expressed his anxious desire to take the same care of me that he would of his own daughter1 and to look on me as his especial charge1 until he should give me into the hands of my lawful protector4 ,i thanked him with true ,english reserve1 and a coldness that seemed rather to grate on his warm feelings2 and having owned that his seeing my ,newfoundland dog well fed and lodged would be a great obligation1 ,i withdrew to fret alone over my exile to this foreign land4 ,you may call this an exaggeration1 but it is no such thing4 ,i delight in dwelling upon my reluctant approach to the land that ,i was to love so fondly4 ,next day my miseries were alleviated by the enchanting beauties of the ,welsh country through which we passed2 and my regard for ,mr4 ,d---- greatly increased by the compassionate care he took of a poor sickly woman and her ragged infant1 whom he descried on the top of the coach1 and first threw his large cloak to them1 then1 with my cordial assent1 took them inside1 and watched them most kindly until he fell asleep4 ,i peeped into his kind1 benevolent face1 and inwardly confessed there might be some nice people in ,ireland4 ,at the inn where we dined1 ,i made another acquaintance4 ,a younger1 but middle-aged man1 whose vivacity1 combined with ,welch mutton and ale1 quite raised my spirits4 ,hearing from ,mr4 ,d---- with what enthusiasm ,i had admired the scenery of ,llangollen1 he volunteered to hand me in at the coach window1 a note of every remarkable place we should approach during the rest of the journey2 adding1 ,i know the road pretty well1 having traversed it at least twice a year for sixteen years1 passing to and from my ,irish home4 ,he was a legal man1 a finished gentleman1 and another sad drawback on my perverse prejudices4 ,mr4 ,f---- proved an excellent descriptive guide1 punctually reaching to me from the roof of the coach his little memoranda1 in time for me to take a survey of the object concerned2 and also most assiduously aiding in the care of my luggage and dog when we were all put into the ferry-boat4 ,there was then no bridge over the ,menai1 and ,i being in total ignorance of the route was not a little dismayed at the embarkation1 forgetting that ,holyhead was in ,anglesea1 and that ,anglesea was an island4 ,at last1 when the boat pushed off1 the opposite shore being hidden under the mist of deepening twilight1 ,i addressed the ferryman in a tone of remonstrance that infinitely diverted the whole party1 ,surely you are not going to take me over in this way to ,ireland8 ,no1 no1 said ,mr4 ,f----1 you shall have a good night's rest1 and a better sea-boat1 before we start for the dear green isle4 ,steamers were not then upon the packet station1 and the wind being unfavorable1 we had a passage of seventeen hours1 not landing until two in the morning of ,easter ,sunday4 ,nothing could exceed my discomfort1 as you may suppose1 when ,i tell you that after paying my bill at ,holyhead1 ,i1 in a fit of abstraction1 deposited it very safely in my purse1 and in its stead threw away my last bank-note4 ,the mistake was not suspected until in mid-voyage ,i examined the state of my finances1 and found the sum total to amount to one shilling4 ,this was an awful discovery2 my passage was paid1 but how to reach ,dublin was a mystery1 and such was the untamed pride of my character that ,i would sooner have walked there than confessed to the fact1 which might have been doubted1 and laid myself under the obligation of a loan which ,i was sure of repaying in a few hours1 even to good old ,mr4 ,d----4 ,when ,i stepped from the deck of the packet upon the plank that rested against the pier of ,howth ,i had not one single halfpenny in my pocket1 and ,i experienced1 without the slightest emotion1 one of the most hairbreadth escapes of my life4 ,the water was very low2 the plank of course sloped greatly1 and as soon as ,i set my foot on it began to slide down4 ,in another second ,i should have been plunged between the vessel's side and the stone pier1 without any human possibility of rescue2 and already ,i had lost my balance1 when a sailor1 springing on the bulwarks1 caught me round the knees1 and at the same instant ,mr4 ,f----1 throwing himself on the ground1 seized and steadied the plant1 until ,i recovered my footing and ran up4 ,i shudder to recall the hardened indifference of my own spirit1 while the kind1 warm-hearted ,irishmen were agitated with strong emotion1 and all around me thanking ,god for my escape4 ,each of my friends thought ,i had landed under the care of the other2 while one had my dog and the other my portmanteau4 ,i received their fervent cead-mille-failthe with cold politeness1 and trod with feelings of disgust on the dear little green shamrocks that ,i now prize so fondly4 ,we went to the hotel1 and ,mr4 ,d---- proposed my retiring to a chamber until the coach started2 but my empty purse would not allow of that1 so ,i said ,i preferred sitting where ,i was4 ,refreshments were ordered2 but though in a state of ravenous hunger1 ,i steadily refused to touch them1 for ,i would not have allowed another person to pay for me1 and was resolved to conceal my loss as long as ,i could4 ,i was excused1 on the presumption of a qualmishness resulting from the tossing of the ship2 and most melancholy1 most forlorn were the feelings with which ,i watched through the large window the fading moonbeams and the dawning day4 ,to my unspeakable joy1 the two gentlemen proposed taking a postchaise with me to ,dublin1 the expense being no more and the comfort much greater than going by coach2 and having requested ,mr4 ,f---- to keep an exact account of my share in the charges1 ,i took my seat beside them with a far lighter heart2 my dog being on the footboard in front of the carriage4 ,away we drove1 our horses being young1 fresh1 and in high condition4 ,it was a glorious morning1 and vainly did ,i strive not to admire the scenery1 as one after another of the beautiful villas that adorn the ,howth road gleamed out in the snowy whiteness that characterizes the houses there1 generally embosomed in trees and surrounded by gardens on the rising grounds4 ,we were descending the hilly road very rapidly1 when by some means the horses took fright1 and broke into a full-gallop1 crossing and re-crossing the road in a fearful manner4 ,the driver was thrown on the footboard1 poor ,tajo hung by his chain against the horses' legs1 and our situation was most critical4 ,i had suffered from one upset in ,america1 and resolved not to encounter another2 so quietly gathering my long riding-habit about me with one hand1 and putting the other out at the window1 ,i opened the door1 and with one active spring flung myself out4 ,you know the extreme peril1 the almost certain destruction of such a leap from a carriage at full speed2 ,i did not1 or certainly ,i would not have taken it4 ,however1 at that very instant of time1 the horses made a dead stop1 and the chaise remained stationary only a few paces in advance of me4 ,was not the hand of ,god here8 ,oh1 surely it was1 in the most marked and wonderful manner4 ,no cause could be assigned for the arrest of the animals2 the driver had lost the reins1 and no one was near4 ,i had fallen flat on the road-side1 just grazing my gloves with the gravel and getting a good mouthful of the soil1 with which my face was brought into involuntary contact4 ,in a moment ,i sprung to my feet1 and blowing it out1 exclaimed with a laugh1 ,oh well1 ,i suppose ,i am to love this country after all1 for ,i have kissed it in spite of me4 ,i then ran to help my dog out of his disagreeable state of suspension1 and returned to my friends1 who were frightened and angry too1 and who refused to let me into the chaise unless ,i positively promised not to jump out any more4 ,to shorten the tale1 ,i reached the ,hibernian hotel1 where my husband was1 seized some money1 and paid my expenses without any one having discovered that ,i was a complete bankrupt up to that minute4 ,i have been very prolix here2 for ,i cannot overlook a single incident connected with this eventful journey4 ,never did any one less anticipate a blessing or look for happiness than ,i in visiting ,ireland4 ,i cannot enter into more particulars1 because it would involve the names of friends who might not wish to figure in print2 but if these pages ever meet the eyes of any who gave me the first day's welcome in ,dublin1 let them be assured that the remembrance of their tender kindness1 the glowing warmth of their open hospitality1 and their solicitude to make the poor stranger happy among them1 broke through the ice of a heart that had frozen itself up in most unnatural reserve1 and gave life to the first pulse that played within it of the love that soon pervaded its every vein--the love of dear1 generous ,ireland4 ,my first journey into the interior was to the ,king's county1 where ,i passed some weeks in a house most curiously situated1 with an open prospect of ten miles pure bog in front of it4 ,being newly built1 nothing had yet had time to grow2 but its owner1 one of the most delightful old gentlemen ,i ever met with1 had spared no cost to render it commodious and handsome4 ,he was a fine specimen of the hospitable ,irish gentleman1 and took great pleasure in bringing me acquainted with the customs of a people and the features of a place so new to me4 ,indeed it was my first introduction to what was really ,irish1 for ,dublin is too much of a capital to afford many specimens of distinct nationality4 ,on that great festival of the peasantry1 ,st4 ,john's eve1 ,mr4 ,c---- resolved on giving his tenants and neighbors a treat that should also enlighten me on one of their most singular relics of paganism4 ,it is the custom at sunset on that evening to kindle numerous immense fires throughout the country1 built like our bonfires to a great height1 the pile being composed of turf1 bog-wood1 and such other combustibles as they can gather4 ,the turf yields a steady1 substantial body of fire1 the bog-wood a most brilliant flame2 and the effect of these great beacons blazing on every hill1 sending up volumes of smoke from every point of the horizon1 is very remarkable4 ,ours was a magnificent one1 being provided by the landlord as a compliment to his people1 and was built on the lawn1 as close beside the house as safety would admit4 ,early in the evening the peasants began to assemble1 all habited in their best array1 glowing with health1 every countenance full of that sparkling animation and excess of enjoyment that characterizes the enthusiastic people of the land4 ,i had never seen anything resembling it1 and was exceedingly delighted with their handsome1 intelligent1 merry faces2 the bold bearing of the men1 and the playful but really modest deportment of the maidens2 the vivacity of the aged people1 and the wild glee of the children4 ,the fire being kindled1 a splendid blaze shot up1 and for a while they stood contemplating it1 with faces strangely disfigured by the peculiar light first emitted when bog-wood is thrown on2 after a short pause1 the ground was cleared in front of an old blind piper1 the very beau ideal of energy1 drollery1 and shrewdness1 who1 seated on a low chair1 with a well-replenished jug within his reach1 screwed his pipes to the liveliest tunes1 and the endless jig began4 ,an ,irish jig is interminable1 so long as the party holds together2 for when one of the dancers becomes fatigued1 a fresh individual is ready to step into the vacated place quick as thought1 so that the other does not pause1 until in like manner obliged to give place to a successor4 ,they continue footing it1 and setting to one another1 occasionally moving in a figure1 and changing places with extraordinary rapidity1 spirit1 and grace4 ,few indeed among even the very lowest of the most impoverished class have grown into youth without obtaining some lessons in dancing from the travelling dancing-masters of their district2 and certainly1 in the way they use it1 many would be disposed to grant a dispensation to the young peasant1 which they would withhold from the young peer4 ,it is1 however1 sadly abused among them1 to ,sabbath-breakings1 revellings1 and the most immoral scenes1 where they are congregated and kept together under its influence2 and the same scene enacted a year afterwards would have awoke in my mind very different feelings from those with which ,i regarded this first spectacle of ,irish hilarity1 when ,i could hardly be restrained by the laughing remonstrances of the quality from throwing myself into the midst of the joyous group and dancing with them4 ,but something was to follow that puzzled me not a little2 when the fire had burned for some hours and got low1 an indispensable part of the ceremony commenced4 ,every one present of the peasantry passed through it1 and several children were thrown across the sparkling embers2 while a wooden frame of some eight feet long1 with a horse's head fixed to one end and a large white sheet thrown over it1 concealing the wood and the man on whose head it was carried1 made its appearance4 ,this was greeted with load shouts as the white horse2 and having been safely carried by the skill of its bearer several times through the fire with a bold leap1 it pursued the people1 who ran screaming and laughing in every direction4 ,i asked what the horse was meant for1 and was told it represented all cattle4 ,here was the old pagan worship of ,baal1 if not of ,moloch too1 carried on openly and universally in the heart of a nominally ,christian country1 and by millions professing the ,christian name4 ,i was confounded1 for ,i did not then know that ,popery is only a crafty adaptation of pagan idolatries to its own scheme2 and while ,i looked upon the now wildly excited people with their children1 and in a figure all their cattle1 passing again and again through the fire1 ,i almost questioned in my own mind the lawfulness of the spectacle1 considered in the light that the ,bible must1 even to the natural heart1 exhibit it in to those who confess the true ,god4 ,there was no one to whom ,i could breathe such thoughts1 and they soon faded from my mind3 not so the impression made on it by this fair specimen of a population whom ,i had long classed with the savage inhabitants of barbarous lands1 picturing them to myself as dark1 ferocious1 discontented1 and malignant4 ,that such was the reverse of their natural character ,i now began to feel convinced2 and from that evening my heart gradually warmed towards a race whom ,i found to be frank1 warm1 and affectionate1 beyond any ,i had ever met with4 ,my interest in them1 however1 was soon to be placed on another and a firmer basis4 ,i took up my permanent abode in a neighboring county2 and within six months after that celebration of ,st4 ,john's eve1 ,i experienced the mighty power of ,god in a way truly marvellous4 ,great and marvellous are all his works1 in creating1 in sustaining1 in governing this world of wonderful creatures2 but ,oh1 how surpassingly marvellous and great in redeeming lost sinners1 in taking away the heart of stone and giving a heart of flesh1 and making his people willing in the day of his power6 ,i have carefully abstained from any particulars respecting myself that could either cast a reproach on the dead or give pain to the living2 ,i shall do so still1 and merely remark1 that as far as this world was concerned1 my lot had no happiness mingled in it1 and that my only solace under many grievous trials consisted in two things3 one was a careful concealment of whatever might subject my proud spirit to the mortification of being pitied when ,i desired rather to be envied2 and the other a confident assurance1 that in suffering afflictions silently1 unresistingly1 and uncomplainingly1 ,i was making ,god my debtor to a large amount4 ,what desperate wickedness of a deceived and deceitful heart was this6 ,the very thing in which ,i so arrogantly vaunted myself before ,god was the direct result of personal pride1 in itself a great sin2 and thus ,i truly gloried in my shame4 ,i never looked beyond the rod to ,him who had appointed it2 but satisfying myself that ,i had not merited from man any severity1 my demerits at the hand of the ,most ,high were wholly put out of the calculation4 ,thus1 of course1 every stroke drove me further from the only ,rock of refuge1 and deeper into the fastness of my own vain conceits4 ,added to this1 ,i was wholly shut out from all the ordinary means by which the ,lord usually calls sinners to himself4 ,there was no gospel ministry then within my reach2 nor could ,i1 if it were provided1 have profited by it1 owing to my infirmity1 7deafness47 ,into ,christian society ,i had never entered1 nor had the least glimmer of spiritual light shone into my mind4 ,my religion was that of the ,pharisee1 and my addresses to ,god included1 like his1 an acknowledgment that it was by divine favor ,i was so much better than my neighbors4 ,reality had so far chased away romance1 that my old favorite authors had little power to charm me2 and the hollowness of my affected gayety and ease made society a very sickening thing4 99 99 99 ,at the time ,i am now to speak of1 ,i was living in perfect seclusion1 and uninterrupted solitude4 ,captain ---- was always in ,dublin1 and my chief occupation was in hunting out1 and transcribing and arranging matter for the professional gentlemen conducting the lawsuit1 from a mass of confused family papers and documents4 ,our property consisted of a large number of poor cabins with their adjoining land1 forming a complete street on the outskirts of the town1 which was greatly in arrear to the head landlords1 and a periodical distress took place4 ,on these occasions a keeper was set over the property1 some legal papers were served1 and the household goods--consisting of iron kettles1 wooden stools1 broken tables1 a ragged blanket or two1 and the little store of potatoes1 the sole support of the wretched inhabitants--were brought out1 piled in a long row down the street1 and canted1 that is1 put up to sale1 for the payment of perhaps one or two per cent4 of the arrears4 ,this horrified me beyond measure3 ,i was ashamed to be seen among the people who were called our tenants1 though this proceeding did not emanate from their immediate landlord2 and every thing combined to render the seclusion of my own garden more congenial to me than any wider range4 ,it was then that ,i came to the resolution of being a perfect devotee in religion3 ,i thought myself marvellously good2 but something of monastic mania seized me4 ,i determined to emulate the recluses of whom ,i had often read2 to become a sort of ,protestant nun2 and to fancy my garden1 with its high stone-walls and little thicket of apple-trees1 a convent enclosure4 ,i also settled it with myself to pray three or four times every day1 instead of twice2 and with great alacrity entered upon this new routine of devotion4 ,here ,god met and arrested me4 ,when ,i kneeled down to pray1 the strangest alarms took hold of my mind4 ,he to whom ,i had been accustomed to prate with flippant volubility in a set form of heartless words1 seemed to my startled mind so exceedingly terrible in unapproachable majesty1 and so very angry with me in particular1 that ,i became paralyzed with fear4 ,i strove against this with characteristic pertinacity2 ,i called to mind all the commonplace assurances respecting the sufficiency of a good intention1 and magnified alike my doings and my sufferings4 ,i persuaded myself it was only a holy awe1 the effect of distinguished piety and rare humility1 and that ,i was really an object of the divine complacency in no ordinary degree4 ,again ,i essayed to pray1 but in vain2 ,i dared not4 ,then ,i attributed it to a nervous state of feeling that would wear away by a little abstraction from the subject2 but this would not do4 ,to leave off praying was impossible1 yet to pray seemed equally so4 ,i well remember that the character in which ,i chiefly viewed the ,lord ,god was that of an ,avenger1 going forth to smite the first-born of ,egypt2 and ,i somehow identified myself with the condemned number4 ,often1 after kneeling a long time1 ,i have laid my face upon my arms1 and wept most bitterly1 because ,i could not1 dared not pray4 ,it was not in my nature to be driven back easily from any path ,i had entered on2 and here the ,lord wrought on me to persevere resolutely4 ,i began to examine myself1 in order to discover why ,i was afraid2 and taking as my rule the ten commandments1 ,i found myself sadly deficient on some points4 ,the tenth affected me as it never had done before4 ,i had not known lust1 because ,i had not understood the law when it said1 ,thou shalt not covet4 ,a casual glance at the declaration of ,st4 ,james1 ,whosoever shall keep the whole law1 yet offend in one point1 he is guilty of all1 alarmed me exceedingly2 and on a sudden it occurred to me that not only the ten commandments1 but all the precepts of the ,new ,testament1 were binding on a ,christian2 and ,i trembled more than ever4 ,what was to be done8 ,to reform myself1 certainly1 and become obedient to the whole law4 ,accordingly ,i went to work1 transcribed all the commands that ,i felt myself most in the habit of neglecting1 and pinned up a dozen or two texts around my room4 ,it required no small effort to enter this apartment and walk round it1 reading my mementos4 ,that active schoolmaster1 the law1 had got me fairly under his rod1 and dreadful were the writhings of the convicted culprit1 ,i soon1 however1 took down my texts1 fearing lest some one else might see them1 and not knowing they were for myself1 be exasperated4 ,i then made a little hook1 wrote down a list of offences1 and commenced making a dot over against each1 whenever ,i detected myself in the commission of one4 ,i had become very watchful over my thoughts1 and was honest in recording all evil2 so my book became a mass of black dots2 and the reflection that occurred to me of omissions being sins too1 completed the panic of my mind4 ,i flung away my book into the fire1 and myself into an abyss of gloomy despair4 ,how long this miserable state of mind lasted1 ,i do not exactly remember2 ,i think about two weeks4 ,i could not pray4 ,i dared not read the ,bible1 it bore so very hard upon me4 ,outwardly1 ,i was calm and even cheerful1 but within reigned the very blackness of darkness4 ,death1 with which ,i had so often sported1 appeared in my eyes so terrible1 that the slightest feeling of illness filled my soul with dismay4 ,i saw no way of escape3 ,i had ,god's perfect law before my eyes1 and a full conviction of my own past sinfulness and present helplessness1 leaving me wholly without hope4 ,hitherto ,i had never known a day's illness for years2 one of ,god's rich mercies to me consisted in uninterrupted health1 and a wonderful freedom from all nervous affections4 ,i knew almost as little of the sensation of a headache as ,i did of that of tight-lacing2 and now a violent cold1 with sore throat1 aggravated into fever by the state of my mind1 completely prostrated me4 ,i laid myself down on the sofa one morning and waited to see how my earthly miseries would terminate2 too well knowing what must follow the close of a sinner's life4 ,i had not lain long1 when a neighbor hearing ,i was ill1 sent me some books just received from ,dublin1 as a loan1 hoping ,i might find some amusement in them4 ,listlessly1 wretchedly1 mechanically1 ,i opened one2 it was the memoir of a departed son1 written by his father4 ,i read a page describing the approach of death1 and was arrested by the youth's expressions of self-condemnation1 his humble acknowledgment of having deserved at the ,lord's hand nothing but eternal death4 ,ah1 poor fellow1 said ,i1 he was like me4 ,how dreadful his end must have been2 ,i will see what he said at last1 when on the very brink of the bottomless pit4 ,i resumed the book1 and found him in continuation glorifying ,god that though he was so guilty and so vile1 there was ,,one able to save to the uttermost1 who had borne his sins1 satisfied divine justice for him1 opened the gates of heaven1 and now waited to receive his ransomed soul4 ,the book dropped from my hands4 ,o1 what is this8 ,this is what ,i want3 this would save me4 ,who did this for him8 ,jesus ,christ1 certainly2 and it must be written in the ,new ,testament4 ,i tried to jump up and reach my ,bible1 but was overpowered by the emotion of my mind4 ,i clasped my hands over my eyes1 and then the blessed effects of having even a literal knowledge of scripture were apparent4 ,memory brought before me1 as the ,holy ,spirit directed it1 not here and there a detached text1 but whole chapters1 as they had long been committed to its safe but hitherto unprofitable keeping4 ,the veil was removed from my heart1 and ,jesus ,christ1 as the ,alpha and ,omega1 the sum and substance of every thing1 shone out upon me just as he is set forth in the everlasting gospel4 ,it was the same as if ,i had been reading1 because ,i knew it so well by rote1 only much more rapid1 as thought always is4 ,in this there was nothing uncommon2 but in the opening of the understanding1 that ,i might ,,understand the scriptures1 was the mighty miracle of grace and truth4 ,there ,i lay1 still as death1 my hands still folded over nay eyes1 my very soul basking in the pure1 calm1 holy light1 that streamed into it through the appointed channel of ,god's word4 ,rapture was not what ,i felt2 excitement1 enthusiasm1 agitation1 there was none4 ,i was like a person long enclosed in a dark dungeon1 the walls of which had now fallen down1 and ,i looked round on a sunny landscape of calm and glorious beauty4 ,i well remember that the ,lord ,jesus1 in the character of a shepherd1 of a star1 and above all1 as the pearl of great price1 seemed revealed to me most beautifully3 that he could save every body ,i at once saw2 that he would save me1 never even took the form of a question4 ,those who have received the gospel by man's preaching may doubt and cavil2 ,i took it simply from the ,bible1 in the words that ,god's wisdom teacheth1 and thus ,i argued3 ,jesus ,christ came into the world to save sinners3 ,i am a sinner2 ,i want to be saved3 he will save me4 ,there is no presumption in taking ,god at his word3 not to do so is very impertinent3 ,i did it1 and ,i was happy4 ,after some time ,i rose from the sofa1 and walked about4 ,my feelings were delicious4 ,i had found ,,him of whom ,moses in the law1 and the prophets did write2 ,i had found the very ,paschal ,lamb whose blood would be my safeguard from the destroying angel4 ,oh1 how delicious was that particular thought to me4 ,it was one of the first that occurred1 and ,i laughed with gladness4 ,indeed my feeling was very joyous1 and ,i only wanted somebody to tell it to4 ,i had two servants1 one a young woman1 the other a little girl1 both papists1 both loving me with ,irish warmth4 ,they were delighted to see me so well and happy on a sudden2 and in the evening ,i bade them come to my room1 for ,i was going to read a beautiful book1 and would read it aloud4 ,i began the gospel of ,st4 ,matthew1 and read nine chapters to them1 their wonder and delight increasing my joy4 ,whenever ,i proposed leaving off1 they begged for more2 and only for my poor throat1 ,i think we should have gone on till day4 ,i prayed with them1 and what a night's rest ,i had6 ,sleep so sweet1 a waking so happy1 and a joy so unclouded through the day1 what but the gospel could bestow8 ,few1 very few1 have been so left alone as ,i was with the infallible teaching of ,god the ,holy ,ghost by means of the written word1 for many weeks1 and so to get a thorough knowledge of the great doctrines of salvation1 unclouded by man's vain wisdom4 ,i knew not that in the world there were any who had made the same discovery with myself4 ,of all schemes of doctrine ,i was wholly ignorant1 and the only system of theology open to me was ,god's own4 ,all the faculties of my mind were roused and brightened for the work4 ,i prayed1 without ceasing1 for divine instruction2 and took1 without cavilling1 what was vouchsafed4 ,on this subject ,i must enter more largely1 for it is one of immense importance4 ,,letter ,,vi4 ,,religious ,,progress4 ,i am standing before you now in the character of one who1 having been brought under conviction of sin into utter self-despair1 had found in ,christ ,jesus a refuge from the storm of ,god's anger4 ,i felt myself safe in him2 but as the revelation which ,god had made to man was not confined to the sole point of a satisfaction for the sins of men1 ,i felt it my bounden duty to search for all that the ,most ,high had seen good to acquaint his people with4 ,at the same time ,i found myself a member of a church calling itself ,christian2 but ,i too had called myself a ,christian1 while as yet wholly ignorant of ,christ1 therefore ,i could not depend upon a name4 ,i knew that there were other churches1 each putting in a claim to a higher and purer standard than its neighbors1 and it behooved me to know which of them all was in the right1 ,i had no books of a religious character--not one2 no clergyman among my acquaintance1 no means of inquiry1 save as regarded my own church1 whose ,liturgy and ,articles lay before me4 ,i resolved to bring them first to the test of scripture1 and if they failed1 to look out for a better4 ,how ,i commenced the work and pursued it1 ,i need not state4 ,i tried every thing1 as well as ,i could1 by the ,bible2 and my satisfaction was great to find the purest1 clearest strain of evangelical truth breathing through the book which ,i had used all my life long1 as ,i did the ,bible1 without entering into its real meaning4 ,how ,i could possibly escape seeing the doctrines of faith1 regeneration1 and the rest of ,god's revelation in them both1 was strange to me2 but ,i understood that the natural man receiveth not the things of the ,spirit of ,god1 and mourned over the darkness that ,i supposed universal4 ,i found it distinctly stated by our ,lord1 that except a man be born again1 he cannot see the kingdom of ,god2 and this served as a key to many passages in the epistles and other parts of scripture illustrative of the same solemn truth4 ,i had never understood1 never thought of this4 ,did my church hold it8 ,yes2 it was not only laid down as a fundamental doctrine in her ,articles1 but constantly put into the mouths of her congregation1 either expressed or clearly implied4 ,again1 ,i found that not by works but by faith ,i was to be justified before ,god2 and this also ran through the prayer-book1 with unvarying distinctness2 though with that book in my hand and its contents on my lips ,i had been hitherto attempting to scale heaven by a ladder of my own forming4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,athanasian creed brought to my recollection a circumstance that had occurred a few years before1 the importance of which had never been known to me until ,i was brought acquainted with the saving truths of the gospel4 ,i now looked back upon it with trembling joy and gratitude to him who had preserved me from a snare into which the pride of intellect1 joined to spiritual ignorance1 would have been sure to lead me1 but for the watchful care of my heavenly ,father1 still working by means of my blind but sincere reverence for his word4 ,in my native town1 ,socinianism flourished to a fearful extent2 it has long been a very hotbed of that fatal heresy1 the holders of which are found among many leading characters of wealth1 influence1 and high attainments4 ,i knew no more of it than that it was one of the many forms of dissent with which ,i had nothing to do4 ,i was acquainted with several of its disciples2 but as religion formed no part of our social intercourse1 its peculiarities were wholly unknown to me4 ,not long before my trip to ,america ,i had been staying in ,norwich1 in the same house with a most clever1 intelligent1 and amiable woman1 of whom ,i was very fond4 ,i knew her to be a dissenter1 and that was all4 ,one evening she drew me into a conversation1 the commencement of which ,i forget1 but it soon arrived at a denial1 on her part1 of the ,godhead of ,christ1 which exceedingly astonished me1 for ,i never supposed that could be called in question4 ,i ran for the ,bible1 saying1 ,i would soon show her it was not to be disputed2 and she in return asserted that ,i could not prove it out of the inspired scriptures4 ,after pondering for a while1 ,i recollected the first chapter of ,revelation1 which1 for its sublimity1 ,i ranked among the highest of my poetical gems1 and that it unequivocally proclaimed the divinity of our glorious ,lord4 ,i opened at it1 on which she burst into a laugh1 saying1 ,you are not so weak as to fancy that book of riddles any part of ,god's word6 ,why it is in the ,bible1 you see1 replied ,i1 half indignantly4 ,and who put it there8 ,come1 you are a person of too much sense to believe that the binding up of certain leaves between the two covers of the ,bible makes them a part of it4 ,you must exercise the reason that ,god has given you1 and in so doing you will discover so many interpolations and deceptions in that version of yours1 that you will be glad to find a more accurate one4 ,she continued in the same strain for some time4 ,i was greatly agitated2 ,i closed the great ,bible1 and leaning on it with folded arms1 my heart beating violently against the bright red cover1 ,i gave heed to all she said4 ,my love of novelty1 passion for investigation1 and the metaphysical turn that had sometimes made my father quite uneasy about me1 when he saw me at eight years old poring over abstruse reasonings with the zest of an old philosopher1 were all in her favor4 ,i felt as if the foundation of my faith was giving way1 and ,i was being launched on a sea of strange uncertainty4 ,when she concluded1 ,i laid my forehead on the book in most deep and anxious thought4 ,i did not pray3 ,god was found of one who sought him not1 for surely he alone dictated my answer4 ,i started up1 and with the greatest vivacity said1 ,mrs4 ----1 if you can persuade me that the book of ,revelation is not inspired1 another person may do the same with regard to the book of ,genesis1 and so of all that lie between them1 till the whole ,bible is taken away from me4 ,that will never do2 ,i cannot part with my dear ,bible4 ,i believe it all1 every word of it1 and ,i am sure ,i should be miserable if ,i did not4 ,then1 kissing the precious volume with the affection one feels for what is in danger of being lost to us1 ,i carried it back to its shelf1 and declined any further discussion on the subject4 ,she told some one else she was sure of having me yet2 but the good providence of ,god interposed to remove me from the scene of danger4 ,that metaphysical turn ,i omitted to mention among my early snares2 my father checked it1 although it was a great hobby of his own4 ,he had seen its fearful abuse in the origin of the ,french revolution1 and regarded it as one of the evil spirits of the age4 ,i recollect the mixture of mirth and vexation depicted in his face one morning1 when on his remarking that ,i did not look well and inquiring if any thing ailed me1 ,i replied1 ,no1 but ,i could not get any sleep4 ,what prevented your sleeping8 ,i was thinking1 papa1 of ',cogito1 ergo sum'--',i think1 therefore ,i exist'--and ,i lay awake1 trying to find out all about it4 ',cogito1 ergo sum6' repeated my father1 laughing and frowning at the same time2 what will you be at twenty1 if you dabble in metaphysics before you are ten8 ,come1 ,i must set you to study ,euclid2 that will sober your wild head a little4 ,i took the book with great glee1 delighted to have a new field of inquiry1 but soon threw it aside4 ,mathematics and ,i could never agree4 ,speculative and imaginative in an extraordinary degree1 carrying much sail with scarcely any ballast1 what but the ever watchful care of ,him who sitteth upon the circle of the earth could have preserved from fatal wrecking a vessel so frail1 while yet without pilot1 helm1 or chart8 ,it was the recollection of my short encounter with the ,socinian that satisfied me respecting the ,athanasian creed4 ,i felt that had ,i taken up its bold assertions and established every one of them1 as now ,i did1 by scripture1 no sophistry could have staggered my faith1 though it had been but a reasoning1 not a saving faith1 in that high doctrine of the coexistent1 coequal ,trinity4 ,i did not then know--for of all church history ,i was ignorant--that its original object was not so much to establish a truth1 as to detect and defeat a falsehood4 ,the damnatory clauses1 as they are called1 did not startle me4 ,i saw clearly the fact that ,god had made a revelation of himself to man1 which revelation man was not at liberty to receive or to reject1 and as without faith it is impossible to please ,god1 and that alone is faith which implicitly believes the record that he hath given of his ,son1 the deductions in question were perfectly fair and orthodox4 ,i frequently wondered1 when subsequently brought into the arena of various controversies1 at the ease with which1 aided by the ,bible alone1 ,i settled so many disputed points2 and as it really was by the ,bible ,i settled them1 man's teaching has never yet on any subject altered my views4 99 99 99 ,whether it be regarded as presumptuous or not1 ,i must thankfully avow that during the weeks when ,i was left alone with my ,bible1 ,i obtained a view of the whole scheme of redemption and ,god's dealings with man1 which to this hour ,i have never found reason to alter in any one respect1 save as greater light has continually broken in on each branch of the subject1 strengthening1 not changing those views4 ,you will see in the progress of my sketch1 how complete a bulwark against error in numberless shapes ,i have found in this simple adherence to the plain word of truth--this habit of bringing every proposition to the law and to the testimony2 fully persuaded that if they speak not according to this word1 it is because there is no light in them4 ,i now proceed to an interesting epoch in my life3 the commencement of my literary labors in the ,lord's cause4 ,it marks very strongly the overruling hand of ,him who was working all things after the counsel of his own will2 and ,i will give it you without curtailment1 together with my introduction1 through it to the ,christian community of the land4 ,my life1 as ,i told you1 was solitary and retired2 my time chiefly passed in writing out documentary matters for the lawyers4 ,the circumstance of my using the pen so incessantly became known1 and ,i was looked on as a literary recluse4 ,one day a lady personally unknown to me1 but whose indefatigable zeal was always seeking the good of others1 sent me a parcel of tracts4 ,with equal wonder and delight ,i opened one of them1 a simple1 spiritual little production2 and the next that ,i took up was an inducement to distribute tracts among the poor4 ,from this ,i learned that some excellent people were engaged in a work quite new to me2 and1 with a sigh1 ,i wished ,i had the means of contributing to their funds4 ,presently the thought flashed upon me1 ,since ,i cannot give them money1 may ,i not write something to be useful in the same way8 ,i had just then no work before me1 and a long winter evening at command4 ,i ordered large candles1 told the servants not to interrupt me1 and sat down to my novel task4 ,i began about seven o'clock1 and wrote till three in the morning2 when ,i found ,i had produced a complete little story1 in the progress of which ,i had been enabled so to set forth the truth as it is in ,jesus1 that on reading it over ,i was amazed at the statement ,i had made of scriptural truth1 and sunk on my knees in thankfulness to ,god4 ,next morning ,i awoke full of joy1 but much puzzled as to what ,i should do with my tract4 ,at length1 in the simplicity of my heart1 ,i resolved to send it to the bishop of ,norwich1 and busied myself at the breakfast- table in computing how many franks it would fill4 ,while thus employed1 a note was put into my hands from ,miss ,d----1 apologizing for the liberty taken1 saying she had sent me1 the day before1 some tracts1 and as she heard ,i was much occupied with the pen1 it had occurred to her that ,i might be led to write something myself2 in the possibility of which she now enclosed the address of the secretary to the ,dublin ,tract ,society1 to whom such aid would be most welcome4 ,i was absolutely awe-struck by this very striking incident4 ,i saw in it a gracious acceptance of my freewill offering at ,his hands to whom it had been prayerfully dedicated2 and in two hours the manuscript was on its way to ,dublin1 with a very simple letter to the secretary4 ,a cordial answer1 commendatory of my tract and earnestly entreating a continuance of such aid1 soon reached me1 with some remarks and questions that required a fuller communication of my circumstances and feelings4 ,he had recommended frequent intercourse with the peasantry1 of whose habits and modes of expression ,i was evidently ignorant1 and ,i then mentioned my loss of hearing as a bar to this branch of usefulness1 ,his rejoinder was the overflowing of a truly ,christian heart1 very much touched by an artless account of the ,lord's dealings with me2 and greatly did my spirit rejoice at having found a brother in the faith thus to cheer and strengthen me4 ,but alas1 a few days afterwards1 ,miss ,d----1 whom ,i had still never seen1 wrote to apprize me that this excellent man had ruptured a blood- vessel and was dying4 ,still he did not forget me1 but after lingering for some weeks1 on his death-bed commended me to the friendship of his brother1 who from that period proved a true and valuable helper to me4 ,meanwhile ,i was beginning to take a view of popery1 under the light of the gospel4 ,as yet1 ,i knew nothing of it spiritually2 and my retired life kept me from observing how it worked among the poor people around4 ,my attention was first directed to it by a conversation with the younger of my two servants2 she slept in my apartment1 and ,i remarked that while kneeling at her devotions she not only uttered them with amazing rapidity1 but carried on all the while the operation of undressing1 with perfect inattention to what she was saying4 ,i asked her the purport of her prayers2 she told me she said the ,our ,father1 and then the ,hail ,mary3 at my request she repeated the latter1 and ,i gave her a gentle lecture on the irreverence of chattering to ,god so volubly1 and of employing herself about her clothes at the same time2 adding that she should be devout1 deliberate1 and quiet while speaking to ,god2 but as for the ,virgin ,mary it was no matter how she addressed her1 if address her she would1 for being only a dead woman she could know nothing about it4 ,this1 ,i am ashamed to say1 was the extent of my actual protest at that time4 ,the girl took it all very readily1 and ever after1 during her address to ,god1 she knelt with her hands joined1 repeating the words slowly and seriously2 but the moment she commenced the ,hail ,mary1 to make up for lost time she prattled it so rapidly1 and tore open the fastenings of her dress with such bustling speed1 that ,i could scarcely refrain from laughing4 ,a little reflection1 however1 convinced me it was an act of idolatry1 and no laughing matter2 and from that time ,i inquired as deeply as ,i could into their faith and practice2 constantly showing them from the scriptures how contrary their religion was to that of the gospel4 ,still it was but a very partial and superficial view that ,i could as yet obtain of the great mystery of iniquity through these ignorant and thoughtless girls2 and to this must be attributed my sad failure in not warning them more distinctly to come out of ,babylon4 ,i rather tried to patch up the old1 decayed1 tattered garment with the new piece of the gospel1 as many more have done2 and so made the rent worse1 instead of replacing the vile article with one of ,god's providing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when that excellent man1 ,mr4 ,d----1 was committed to the grave1 his younger brother visited me on his way back to ,dublin4 ,that interview ,i shall never forget2 he talked to me out of the overflowings of a heart devoted to ,christ1 and left me pining for more extended enjoyment of ,christian society4 ,i was not long ungratified2 within three days an unexpected summons took me to ,dublin1 and on the very evening of my arrival ,mr4 ,d---- introduced me to a party of about thirty pious friends1 assembled to meet a missionary just returned from ,russia4 ,remember these were the frank1 unrestrained1 warmhearted ,irish1 of all people the most ready at expressing their zealous and generous feelings2 and imagine1 if you can1 my enjoyment1 after such a long season of comparative loneliness1 when they came about me with the affectionate welcome that none can utter and look so eloquently as they can4 ,i thought it a foretaste of heavenly blessedness2 and yet ,i often longed for those seasons when ,i had none but my ,god to commune with1 and poured out to him all that now ,i found it delightful to utter to my fellow- creatures4 ,then1 my tabernacle was indeed pitched in the wilderness1 and the candle of the ,lord shone brightly upon it2 now1 the blending of many inferior lights distracted my mind from its one object of contemplation1 and broke the harmony that was so sweet in its singleness4 ,a few months after this1 the lawsuit being ended1 my husband was ordered abroad4 ,i declined to cross the ,atlantic a second time1 and from this period ,i became chiefly dependent on my own exertions4 ,my mother had joined me in ,ireland1 having been made a partaker in the like precious faith and hope with myself4 99 99 99 ,,letter ,,vii4 ,,kilkenny4 ,we took up our abode in the town of ,kilkenny1 so richly blessed with gospel privileges1 and so far removed from the annoyances to which ,i was exposed while trying to fulfil the landlord's part over a property inextricably involved1 and now also placed in the hands of trustees4 ,i had sought the maintenance of that character for the sake of the poor tenants1 whose affection1 for me was very great1 and among whom ,i had of late been frequently allowed to read the scriptures4 ,the necessity1 however1 of providing for myself1 and the hopeless perplexities of my nominal office1 between head-landlords1 under-tenants1 trustees1 a receiver1 and all the endless machinery of an embarrassed little ,irish estate1 compelled me to seek a more quiet sphere2 and in ,kilkenny ,i found all that could combine to encourage me in the pursuit of honest independence in the way of usefulness4 ,i finished ,osric1 which formed a good-sized volume1 and commenced the pleasant task of writing penny and twopenny books for the ,dublin ,tract ,society1 who paid me liberally1 and cheered me on my path with all the warmth of ,christian affection4 ,it was indeed a delightful task1 and ,god had raised up to me also a friend to whose truly paternal kindness ,i owe more than ever can be told1 ,mr4 ,george ,sandford1 now ,lord ,mountsandford1 who1 from our first acquaintance1 entered with a father's interest into all that concerned me4 ,thus encouraged1 ,i held on my way1 and tasted the sweets that ,i hope to enjoy to the end of my days--those of the original curse brightened by the irreversible blessing3 ,in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread2 ,be ye steadfast1 unmovable1 always abounding in the work of the ,lord1 forasmuch as ye know that your labor shall not be in vain in the ,lord4 ,i have already told you my escape from the snare of ,socinianism2 and now ,i am to narrate a trial of faith and doctrine which by the mercy of ,god produced effects just the reverse of what was intended4 ,this was no less than a vigorous attempt to convert me to ,popery4 ,i had not yet bestowed any great attention on the details of that abominable device1 but was most fully persuaded of its being a system of idolatrous delusion1 the working of which was strikingly manifested in the wretchedness1 the immorality1 the turbulence and degrading superstitions of the poor creatures around me4 ,it never had been my practice to tamper with or to compromise what ,i knew to be wrong2 therefore ,i had not suffered curiosity to lead me within the walls of a mass-house1 nor in any way to put on the semblance of an agreement which cannot really exist between the temple of ,god and idols4 ,i believed ,popery to be the ,babylon of the ,apocalypse1 and ,i longed for resolution to proclaim to the deluded victims1 ,come out of her1 my people1 ,this ,i had never done1 but on the contrary fell cheerfully in with the then cautious policy of my friends1 and so framed my little books and tracts as to leave it doubtful whether they were written by a ,protestant or not4 ,paul to the ,jews became as a ,jew1 that he might gain the ,jews3 ,i1 by a false process of reason1 thought it allowable to become as an idolater to the idolaters1 that ,i might gain the idolaters4 ,an awful1 presumptuous sin6 ,the ,jew possesses the fair blossom of gospel truth1 which by kindly fostering is to be expanded and ripened into the rich fruit3 the ,papist holds in his hand an apple of ,sodom1 beneath the painted rind of which is a mass of ashes and corruption4 ,he must be induced to fling it away1 and to pluck from the tree of life a wholly different thing4 ,my ,protestant principles1 such as they were1 withheld me from visiting the convent which formed a principal attraction to the military and other strangers in ,kilkenny4 ,many sought to draw me thither1 adducing the examples of ,christian ministers and other spiritual people1 who did not scruple to go2 but in vain4 ,at length a lady came to me with an earnest request from the most interesting nun in the establishment1 to give her some information on the best mode of conveying instruction to a poor little girl in their school1 deaf and dumb4 ,here was a call of duty3 ,i knew it could not be effectually done unless in person2 and to the surprise of my friend1 ,i volunteered to accompany her to the convent4 ,the nun was indeed a most engaging young lady2 in personal appearance1 in manner1 in feeling1 realizing the visions of my girlish romance1 when reading idle stories in novels on such topics4 ,she had1 moreover1 all the animated warmth of a genuine ,irishwoman1 and her fine countenance beaming with benevolent joy at our successful beginning1 and with affectionate gratitude for my services1 quite won my heart4 ,i promised to repeat the visit shortly1 and on doing so accompanied her to walk round the garden1 at the other extremity of which stood a building which ,i took for their school1 and unhesitatingly mounted the stairs with my sweet conductor4 ,judge what was my dismay when1 on passing the folding doors1 ,i found myself in a splendid ,popish chapel1 opposite the altar1 over which shone a richly gilt cross1 while my poor nun was prostrated in the lowliest adoration1 touching the ground with her forehead before the senseless idol4 ,i was confounded1 and unable to say any thing2 but after a hasty glance at the fine trappings1 left the place secretly praying for grace and strength to protest openly against the abomination from which my soul revolted with unspeakable horror from the moment of my witnessing the act of idolatrous homage rendered to a thing of wood and stone4 ,on leaving the convent1 ,i met a person who informed me that my poor nun was a ,protestant lady of high respectability1 sprung from one of those iniquitous mixed marriages1 her mother belonging to the established church1 her father a ,romanist1 who1 however1 honestly adhered to the terms of the wicked covenant by which the sons were to be educated in his1 the daughters in her persuasion4 ,a family of daughters were born to them1 who1 with their mother1 continued nominally ,protestant2 but after his death1 when the house was filled with ,romish priests1 performing for a week together their mummeries over the corpse1 these poor females had become a prey to the subtle perversions of the ecclesiastics1 and had openly apostatized1 all save my new friend1 who with a better informed mind and more scriptural knowledge withstood their sophistries1 until sundry mock miracles performed by means of saintly relics and a well-contrived nocturnal visitation from the ghost of her father whom she fondly loved1 had so unnerved and frightened her that she too fell a prey to the delusion4 ,they ended by admitting her into the sisterhood of this convent1 excusing the payment of the large sum usually demanded2 and as her darkness was now great in proportion to the measure of light against which she had sinned1 they found her a valuable decoy-bird to draw others into the snare4 ,i did not learn all these particulars at the time1 nor until after her decease1 when ,i met with a near family connection of hers who told them to me4 ,i simply gleaned the fact of her apostasy1 with that of her abounding zeal in the antichristian cause4 ,with all my heart ,i loved the gentle1 affectionate1 elegant nun1 and earnestly did ,i pray for help in bringing her back1 as ,i was resolved to do1 from the path of destruction2 and while ,i deliberated on the best means of commencing the work1 the difficulty was removed by her openly attempting to convert me4 ,to this end she urged on me a strict inquiry into the real doctrines and tenets of her church1 for myself and by myself1 promising to lend me books of the most candid character1 if ,i would engage to read them4 ,i agreed1 stipulating that ,i was freely to write out my remarks on them for her consideration2 and with this mutual understanding1 ,i brought home from the convent as a loan ,dr4 ,milner's ,end of ,controversy1 furnished for my especial benefit by a seminary of ,jesuit priests1 located near the town3 and thus was ,i become the object of a combined attack from the forces of great ,babylon4 ,true to what ,i considered a tacit engagement to study the matter alone1 ,i read the book4 ,never shall ,i forget the effect it produced on me4 ,i seemed to be holding communion with ,satan himself1 robed as an angel of light1 the transparent drapery revealing his hideous form but baffling my endeavors to rend it away4 ,such sophistry1 such impudence of unsupported assertion1 such distortion of truth and gilding of gross falsehood1 ,i never met with4 ,i tried in vain to find an answer to things that ,i saw and felt to be antiscriptural and destructive2 but this ,end was the beginning of my controversy1 for ,i was wholly new to it1 and ignorant of the historical and other facts necessary to disprove the reverend author's bold assumptions4 ,at last ,i burst into tears1 and kneeling down1 exclaimed1 ,o ,lord1 ,i cannot unravel this web of iniquity3 enable me to cut it in twain4 ,i was answered2 for after a little more thought1 a broad view of the whole scheme of man's salvation as revealed in the holy ,scriptures appeared to me the best antidote for this insidious poison4 ,i read through the ,new ,testament with increased enjoyment1 and casting from me the wretched fabric of lies1 with all its flimsy pretences1 ,i resolved1 instead of attempting a reply to what ,i saw to be falsehood1 to set forth a plain statement of what ,i knew to be truth4 ,indeed it is indescribable how disgusting the painted face1 the gaudy trappings1 and the arrogant assumptions of the great harlot appeared in my eyes1 when thus contrasted with the sublime simplicity1 purity1 and modesty of the chaste spouse of ,christ4 ,i wrote2 and in reply got another and a smaller book1 containing the pretended reasons of a ,protestant for embracing ,popery4 ,they were of course artfully put1 and made a formidable exhibition of the peril of heresy4 ,i thought ,i could not do better in return1 while writing my dissent1 than to enclose some small books of my own to the nun1 inviting her comments thereon4 ,this brought a letter which was probably written by stealth1 though so cautiously worded as to be safe if intercepted4 ,she said she did not wish to leave me under a wrong impression1 and therefore told me that she was not permitted to read any of my letters1 or the little books ,i had sent1 as those who watched over her spiritual interests and whom she was bound to obey1 thought it wrong to unsettle her mind by reading any thing contrary to the true faith which she held4 ,here was a pretty exposure of one-sided honesty4 ,i thanked ,god for the further insight given me into the mystery of iniquity1 and from that day devoted all my powers to the investigation of that against which ,i had become a stanch protester4 ,in the midst of our proceedings1 a nun had taken the veil at the convent4 ,every body almost1 to their shame be it spoken1 was trying for tickets to the unhallowed show4 ,my poor friend sent us two1 informed me that two of the best front seats would be reserved for us1 and accompanied her kind note with a programme of the ceremony and a translation or transcription of the service1 all in her own handwriting4 ,i felt deeply the pain of hurting her1 and perhaps for a moment the workings of natural curiosity1 but the hesitation was short4 ,i sent back both books and tickets1 with a grateful but decided refusal to be present4 ,in all ,kilkenny ,i did not find a person who could go along with me in my objections2 but it is a matter of great joy to me to this hour1 that ,i kept myself wholly unpolluted by any participation in these idolatrous doings2 and ,i do believe that a double blessing has attended my efforts against ,popery in consequence of it4 ,the affair of the little deaf mute at the convent led me to turn my attention to some poor children similarly circumstanced in the streets of ,kilkenny2 and while prosecuting that work the ,lord brought to me that dear dumb boy whom you well remember as the brightest1 most lovely of ,christian characters4 ,he was then very little1 and had a brother of sixteen1 one of the most genuine paddies ,i ever beheld4 ,this lad was living very idly2 a fine1 sensible1 shrewd fellow1 who could read and write1 and very soon made great proficiency in the finger language by helping me to instruct ,jack4 ,no one above ,pat's own rank had ever taken any interest in him2 ,i did1 a strong one1 and as he was much with me1 and of a character most intensely ,irish1 he became attached to my with a warmth of devotion rarely met with among any other people4 ,one day ,pat made his appearance with an important look1 his brogues stamping the carpet with unwonted energy1 his fine bare throat stiffened into a sort of dignified hauteur1 and his very keen hazel eyes sparkling under the bushy luxuriance of chestnut curls that clustered about his face and fell on his neck4 ,the very beau ideal of a wild ,irish youth was my friend ,pat4 ,seating himself as usual1 he began--and here ,i must observe that my chief knowledge of the phraseology and turn of thought so peculiar to the ,irish peasant was derived from this source4 ,whenever ,pat came to discourse me1 ,i got rich lessons in the very brogue itself1 from the fidelity with which his spelling followed the pronunciation of his words--,i wouldn't like1 said he1 that you would go to hell4 ,nor ,i either1 ,pat4 ,but you are out of the thrue church1 and you wont be saved1 and ,i must convart ye4 ,that is very kind of you1 my good lad4 ,if ,i am wrong1 you cannot do better than set me right4 ,sure and ,i will4 ,but how8 ,with this1 said he1 pulling out a small pamphlet nothing the cleaner for wear4 ,you must learn my catechism1 and it's you that will be the good ,catholic4 ,delighted with the boy's honest zeal1 ,i asked him where ,i should begin2 and he no less pleased at my docility1 desired me to read it all1 and then get it all by heart4 ,i promised to do the first at any rate2 and ,oh what a tissue of falsehood and blasphemy that ,butler's ,catechism was4 ,next morning my teacher came early3 ,well1 ,pat1 ,i have found out what makes you anxious about me3 here it is said that none can be saved out of the true church4 ,that's it1 sure enough4 ,but ,i do belong to the true church1 and ,i'll show you what it is2 so ,i pointed out to him two passages1 and added1 ,now1 ,i do love our ,lord ,jesus ,christ in sincerity1 and therefore ,i am one of those to whom ,st4 ,paul wishes grace and peace2 and do you think an apostle would send his blessing to any body who was not of the true church8 ,pat shook his head3 ,that's your catechism1 not mine4 ,very true4 ,dr4 ,butler wrote yours1 and ,god wrote mine1 holding up the ,bible2 which is best8 ,that is not the real ,bible1 persisted ,pat2 my priest has the true ,bible4 ,then ask him to lend you his4 ,i wouldn't get my ears pulled1 would ,i8 said he1 smiling3 but if he lent me his ,bible he must lend me a car to bring it home in1 for it's as big as this table4 ,yours is too little1 and doesn't hold half the truth4 ,that is why you are so ignorant4 ,i soon proved1 by showing him ,matthew4 ,henry's ,commentary1 that the word of ,god would lie in a very small compass1 the great bulk of the book being man's work4 ,i also urged on him the absolute necessity of reading what ,god had given for our learning1 and the danger of resting on man's assertion4 ,pat stood his ground most manfully1 astonishing me by the adroitness with which he parried my attacks1 while pursuing1 as he hoped1 the good work of my conversion4 ,for many a day was the controversy carried on1 ,butler versus the ,bible1 without any other effect than that of bringing ,pat to read the sacred book for himself2 but it opened to me the awful wiles of darkness by which the poor and ignorant are blinded1 while for the more educated class such polished sophistry as ,milner's is carefully prepared4 ,i reaped the fruit1 however1 six years afterwards1 when1 in a little ,english church1 ,pat kneeled beside me and his brother1 a thankful communicant1 at the ,lord's table4 ,,letter ,,viii4 ,,the ,,dumb ,,boy4 ,i turned my attention to the deaf and dumb children1 whose situation was deplorable indeed3 ,i took four out of the streets to instruct them1 of whom one proved irreclaimably wild and vicious2 two were removed by a priest's order1 lest ,i should infect them with heresy3 the fourth was to me a crown of rejoicing1 and will be so yet more at that day4 99 99 99 ,john1 or ,jack as we always called him1 was a puny little fellow1 of heavy aspect1 and wholly destitute of the life and animation that generally characterize that class1 who are obliged to use looks and gestures as a substitute for words4 ,he seemed for a long while unable to comprehend my object in placing before him a dissected alphabet1 and forming the letters into words significant of dog1 man1 hat1 and other short monosyllables2 and when ,i guided his little hard hand to trace corresponding characters on the slate1 it was indeed a work of time and patience to make him draw a single stroke correctly4 ,his unmeaning grin of good-natured acquiescence in whatever ,i bade him do1 was more provoking than downright rebellion could have been2 and ,i secretly agreed with my friends that the attempt would prove a complete failure1 while impelled1 ,i hardly could tell how1 to persevere with redoubled efforts4 ,jack's uncouth bristly hair fell in a straight mass over one of the finest foreheads ever seen1 and concealed it4 ,i happened one day to put aside this mass1 for the benefit of his sight1 and was so struck with the nobly expansive brow1 that ,i exclaimed to a friend then in the act of dissuading me from the work1 ,no2 with such a forehead as this1 ,i can never despair of success4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it was by a sudden burst that the boy's mind broke its prison and looked around on every object as though never before beheld4 ,all seemed to appear in so new a light to him2 curiosity1 in which he had been strangely deficient1 became an eagerly active principle1 and nothing that was portable did he fail to bring to me1 with an inquiring shake of the head1 and the word what8 spelled by the fingers4 ,it was no easy matter1 before we had mastered a dozen common substantives and no other parts of speech1 to satisfy his inquisitiveness1 which ,i always endeavored to do1 because it is wrong to repress that indication of dawning reason in a child1 and ,jack at eleven years old was in the predicament of a mere infant4 ,more especially was ,i puzzled when his what8 was accompanied by a motion pointing first at the dog1 then to himself1 to learn wherein consisted the difference between two creatures1 both of whom1 as he intimated1 could eat1 drink1 sleep1 and walk about1 could be merry or angry1 sick or well2 neither of whom could talk2 and yet1 that there was a very great difference1 he felt4 ,the noble nature of man1 was struggling to assert its preeminence over the irrational brute1 which he1 nevertheless1 loved and feared too2 for ,barrow was a splendid dog1 and used to assist me very cleverly in keeping my little wild ,irish crew in order4 ,oh what a magnificent wreck is man6 ,i do love to watch the rapid approach of that glorious time when1 the six thousand years of his degradation beneath the reign of ,satan being fulfilled1 he shall rise above the usurper's power1 and resume his high station among the brightest works of ,god4 ,i do not remember exactly how long after his first coming to me it was that ,jack began to inquire so diligently about ,god4 ,he seemed full of grave but restless thought1 and then approaching me1 pointed towards the sun1 and by a movement of the hands as if kneading something1 asked me whether ,i made it4 ,i shook my head4 ,did my mother8 ,no4 ,did ,mr4 ,roe1 or ,mr4 ,shaw--two ,protestant clergymen--or the priest8 ,he had a sign to express each of these4 ,no4 ,then ,what8 what8 with a frown and a stamp of fretful impatience4 ,i pointed upwards1 with a look of reverential solemnity1 and spelled the word ,god4 ,he seemed struck1 and asked no more at that time1 but next day he overwhelmed me with whats1 and seemed determined to know more about it4 ,i told him as well as ,i could1 that ,he of whom ,i spoke was great1 powerful1 and kind2 and that he was always looking at us4 ,he smiled1 and informed me he did not know how the sun was made1 for he could not keep his eyes on it2 but the moon he thought was like a dumpling1 and sent rolling over the tops of the trees1 as he sent a marble across the table4 ,as for the stars1 they were cut out with a large pair of scissors1 and stuck into the sky with the end of the thumb4 ,having thus settled his system of astronomy1 he looked very happy1 and patted his chest with evident self-applause4 ,i was amused1 but of course not satisfied3 my charge was necessarily an ,atheist1 and what ,i had told him was a very bare sort of ,deism indeed4 ,to communicate more1 however1 seemed utterly impossible1 until we should have accomplished considerable things in the way of education4 ,we had not above a dozen of the commonest words--all names of things--to which he could attach a meaning2 and our signs were all of his own contriving1 which ,i had to catch and follow as ,i might4 ,so said reason1 but reason is a fool4 ,man shall not live by bread alone1 but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of ,god4 ,for my ways are not your ways1 neither are your thoughts my thoughts1 saith the ,lord4 ,it pleased him to enlighten the mind of the boy2 and instead of that work being dependent on human wisdom1 all that human wisdom could do was to creep after it at a modest distance4 ,next day1 ,jack came to me in great wrath1 intimating that my tongue ought to be pulled out4 ,this was his usual mode of accusation where a lie had been told4 ,so ,i looked innocent and said1 ,what8 ,he reminded me of yesterday's conversation1 telling me he had looked everywhere for ,god3 he had been down the street1 over the bridge1 into the churchyard1 through the fields1 had peeped into the grounds of the castle1 walked past the barrack-yard1 and got up in the night to look out at the window4 ,all in vain2 he could not find ,god4 ,he saw nobody big enough to put up his hand and stick the stars into the sky4 ,i was bad1 my tongue must be pulled out2 for there was ,god1 ,,no4 ,and he repeated ,god1 no1 so often that it went to my heart4 ,i considered1 prayerfully4 ,my view of the scriptures told me that without divine help none could really seek after ,god3 and also that when he vouchsafed to give the desire1 he would surely increase knowledge4 ,here was a poor afflicted boy getting out of his bed to look by night for one whom he had vainly sought all the day3 here was ,satan at work to strengthen unbelief3 ,i was commanded to resist the devil1 and surely there must be some way of resisting him4 ,i sat silent on the opposite side of the fire1 and a plan having struck me1 ,i looked at ,jack1 shrugged my shoulders and seemed convicted of a deception4 ,he shook his head at me1 frowned1 and appeared very much offended at my delinquency4 ,presently ,i seized a small pair of bellows1 and after puffing at the fire for a while1 suddenly directed a rough blast at his little red hand1 which hung very near it4 ,he snatched it back1 scowled at me1 and when again ,i repeated the operation1 expressed great displeasure1 shivering1 and letting me know he did not like it4 ,i renewed the puff1 saying1 ,what8 and looking most unconscious of having done any thing2 he blew hard1 and repeated that it made his hands cold2 that ,i was very bad1 and he was very angry4 ,i puffed in all directions1 looked very eagerly at the pipe of the bellows1 peering on every side1 and then1 explaining that ,i could see nothing1 imitated his manner1 saying1 ,wind8 no6 shaking my head at him1 and telling him his tongue must come out1 mimicking his looks of rebuke and offended virtue4 ,he opened his eyes very wide1 stared at me and panted2 a deep crimson suffused his whole face1 and a soul1 a real soul shone in his strangely altered countenance1 while he triumphantly repeated1 ,god like wind6 ,god like wind6 ,he had no word for like2 it was signified by holding the two forefingers out1 side by side1 as a symbol of perfect resemblance4 ,here was a step1 a glorious step1 out of absolute atheism into a perfect recognition of the invisible ,god4 ,an idea1 to call it nothing more1 new1 grand1 and absorbing1 took possession of his mind4 ,i numbered seven years of incessant care over him from that day2 and ,i will fearlessly assert that in his head and in his heart ,god reigned unrivalled4 ,even before he knew him as ,god in ,christ1 the ,creator and ,preserver were enthroned in his bosom2 and every event of the day1 every object that met his view1 gave rise to some touchingly simple question or remark concerning ,god4 ,he made me observe that when trying to look at the sun he was forced to shut his eyes1 adding1 ,god like sun4 ,an analogy not very traceable1 though strictly just2 for the glory that dazzled his mind was not visible4 ,he was perpetually engaged in some process of abstract reasoning on every subject1 and amazed me by explaining its results2 but how he carried it on without the intervention of words1 was and is a puzzle to me4 ,previously he had been rather teasing to the dog and other inferior creatures1 and had a great desire to fish2 but now he became most exquisitely tender towards every living thing1 moving his hand over them in a caressing way1 and saying1 ,god made4 ,at first he excepted the worms from this privilege1 remarking that they came up through holes from beneath the earth1 while ,god was above1 over the sky2 therefore they were not made by him2 but ,i set him right1 and he agreed that they might be rolled up in the world1 like meat in a pudding1 and bite their way out4 ,thenceforth1 woe to the angler whom ,jack detected looking for live bait6 ,when my first pupil from being irregular in his attendance fell off more and more1 until he wholly discontinued coming1 and the others were withdrawn for fear of heretical infection1 ,i became more anxious lest this dear boy might also leave me before he had received the knowledge of ,jesus ,christ4 ,i had1 at his earnest entreaty1 taken him into the house altogether1 his home being at some distance2 but ,i knew not how long he might be permitted to stay4 ,the ravages of a dreadful fever among the poor1 increased my solicitude to see my devout little ,deist a ,christian4 ,i have1 in a small memoir of this ,happy ,mute1 related the manner of his receiving the gospel1 but ,i must not pass it over here4 ,to the glory of ,god's rich grace it shall be recorded1 as one of the most signal mercies ever vouchsafed to me4 ,as before1 the boy was led to open the way1 and in the faith of the ,lord's willingness to reveal himself to an inquiring soul1 ,i followed it up4 ,jack had noticed the number of funerals passing2 he had occasionally seen dead bodies placed in their coffins1 and one evening he alluded to it1 asking me by significant gestures if they would ever open their eyes again4 ,considering that he had often been present at the interment of the dead1 and had also witnessed the decay of animals cast out to perish1 it struck me as a singular question1 plainly indicating that the consciousness of immortality is natural to man1 and unbelief in a future state foreign to his untaught feelings4 ,on the present occasion1 my heart being then lifted up in prayer for divine assistance on this very point1 ,i caught at the encouragement1 and instantly proceeded to improve the opportunity1 ,i sketched on paper a crowd of persons1 old and young2 near them a pit with flames issuing from it1 and told him all those people1 among whom were we1 had been bad and ,god would throw us into the fire4 ,when his alarm was greatly excited1 ,i introduced into the picture another individual1 who ,i told him was ,god's ,son2 that he came out of heaven2 that he had not been bad1 and was not to go in the pit2 but that he allowed himself to be killed2 and when he died1 ,god shut up the pit2 so the people were spared4 ,this seemed to myself too strange1 vague1 meagre1 to convey any definite idea to the boy's mind2 but how effectual does the ,lord make our poorest efforts when ,,he wills to work6 ,after a few moments' deep thought1 ,jack astonished me by an objection that proved he saw the grand doctrine of a substitute for sinners1 which ,i was so hopeless of bringing before him4 ,he told me the rescued people were many2 he who died was one1 and his earnest ,what8 with the eloquent look that now peculiarly belonged to his once stupid countenance1 showed his anxiety for a solution of this difficulty4 ,with unutterable joy in my heart1 but great composure of manner1 ,i rose1 and taking from a vase a bunch of dead flowers1 inadvertently left there1 ,i cut them into small bits1 laid them in a heap on the table1 and beside them my gold ring3 then pointing to each1 with the words many- one1 ,i asked which he would rather have8 ,he struck his hand suddenly to his forehead1 then clapped both hands1 gave a jump as he sat1 and with the most rapturous expression of countenance intimated that the one piece of gold was better than the room full of dead flowers ,with great rapidity he applied the symbol1 pointing to the picture1 to the ring1 to himself1 to me1 and finally to heaven4 ,in the last position he stood up and paused for some time1 and what a picture he would have made6 ,a smile perfectly angelic beaming on his face1 his eyes sparkling and dancing with delight1 until1 with a rush of tears that quite suffused them1 he gazed at me1 then again raised them to the ceiling1 his look softened into an expression of deep awe and unbounded love1 while he gently spelled on his fingers1 ,good ,,one1 good ,,one6 and ended by asking me his name4 ,how sweet the name of ,jesus sounds ,in a believer's ear6 ,jack was not to hear that name with his bodily ears until the voice of the archangel and the trump of ,god should call him from sleeping in the dust of the earth2 but he received it into his mind1 and the gospel1 the glorious1 everlasting gospel1 into his soul1 and the ,holy ,spirit into his heart1 without the intervention of that sense4 ,in that hour it was given unto him to believe1 and from that hour all things were his--the world1 life1 death1 and a bright immortality4 ,never but once before had ,i laid my head on the pillow with such an overwhelming sense of perfect happiness4 ,the ,lord had indeed shown me his glory1 by causing his goodness to pass before me4 ,henceforth ,i had a ,christian brother in my little dumb charge3 his love to ,jesus ,christ was fervent and full2 his thoughts about him most beautiful4 ,by degrees1 ,i gave him some knowledge of our ,lord's mortal birth1 his infancy1 work1 death1 resurrection1 and ascension2 together with his coming to final judgment at the end of the world4 99 99 99 ,very great indeed was ,jack's emotion when he discovered that the ,saviour in whom he was rejoicing was the object represented by the image he had been taught to bow down before4 ,he resented it deeply3 ,i was quite alarmed at the sudden and violent turn his feelings took against ,popery4 99 99 99 ,he spurned the whole system from him1 as soon as the light of the gospel fell upon its deformities4 ,returning from the chapel one day1 soon after this1 he came up to me under great excitement3 he took up a clothes-brush1 set it on one end1 and with a ludicrous grimace bowed down before it1 joining his hands in the attitude of prayer and chattering after his fashion2 then asking the brush if it could hear him1 waiting in an attitude of attention for its reply1 and finally knocking it over and kicking it round the room1 saying1 ,bad god1 bad god6 ,i guessed pretty well what it was all about2 but as he concluded by snapping his fingers exultingly and seating himself without further remark1 ,i spoke on other subjects4 ,next morning1 ,jack was very animated1 and came to me with an evident budget of new thoughts4 ,he told me something very small came out of the ground1 pointing in opposite directions2 it grew3 and then two more points appeared4 ,i found he was describing the growth of a plant1 and expecting some question1 was all attention2 but ,jack was come to teach1 not to learn4 ,he soon showed that his tree had reached a great height and size2 then he made as if shouldering a hatchet1 advanced to the tree and cut it down4 ,next came a great deal of sawing1 chopping1 planing1 and shaping1 until he made me understand he had cut out a crucifix1 which he laid by1 and proceeded to make a stool1 a box1 and other small articles2 after which he gathered up the chips1 flung them on the fire1 and seemed to be cheering himself in the blaze4 ,i actually trembled at the proceeding2 for where had he1 who could not form or understand half a sentence1 where had he learned the ,holy ,spirit's testimony as recorded by ,isaiah8 ,the sequel was what ,i anticipated3 he feigned to set up the imaginary crucifix1 and preparing to pray before it1 checked himself1 saying1 ,no2 then with animated seriousness reverted to the springing up of the little seedling1 saying1 ,god made2 and as it grew1 he described the fashioning of the trunk and branches and leaves most gracefully1 still saying ,god made2 he seemed to dip a pencil in color1 to paint the leaves1 repeating1 ,god made beautiful6 ,then1 that ,god made his hands too2 and he came to the conclusion that the tree which ,god made1 cut out by his hands which ,god made1 could not be ,god who made them4 ,then he got very angry1 and not satisfied with an unsubstantial object for his holy indignation to vent itself upon1 he ran for the clothes-brush1 and gave it a worse cuffing and kicking than before2 ending with a solemn inquiry whether ,i worshipped crosses1 etc41 when ,i went to church4 ,i trembled to give the encouragement ,i longed to bestow4 ,however1 ,i distinctly intimated my detestation of idolatry1 and confirmed his strong repudiation of it4 ,he told me he would not go any more to chapel1 but ,i told him1 as well as ,i could1 the almost certain consequences1 and he then remembered that other boys had told him those who ate meat on ,fridays would go to hell4 ,he became greatly distressed as the next ,sabbath approached1 but contrary to all my expectations returned from mass in excellent spirits4 ,pat told me1 laughing1 that ,jack was become so musical he insisted on going to sit by the organ1 that he might feel the vibration2 and when alone with me1 ,jack joyfully told me that he had run up the stairs from the outer door to the organ- loft1 and so escaped even the necessity of bowing down to the cross4 ,this plan he persisted in from that day4 ,some years afterwards ,i asked his brother if he had any suspicion at the time of the boy's object in so doing3 he answered1 ,none at all2 and that if he had1 he would have forced him into the body of the mass-house1 and compelled him to prostrate himself4 99 99 99 99 99 ,early in the summer of #ahbd1 ,i received a summons to return to ,england4 ,it was most unwelcome1 for my heart was knit to ,ireland1 and to share the lot of her devoted people was its earnest desire4 ,at home ,i had many old friends2 but what were they to the beloved brethren and sisters in ,christ1 who had been my fellow-helpers for the last four years in the work of the ,lord8 ,all ties were weak to that1 save one1 the tie that bound me to my beloved brother4 ,him ,i had not seen for nine years3 he had continued on the staff of the ,portuguese army until the establishment of the ,cortes1 who dismissed all ,british officers2 and then he settled in the interior of that country1 cultivating some of the land which he had gallantly fought to rescue4 ,it was a subject of continual sorrow to me that he was residing in the heart of an exclusively ,popish country1 far from every means of grace2 not even a place of worship within many leagues1 and wholly shut out from ,christian intercourse4 ,i knew that he had been equally dark with myself on the subject of religion2 and truly can ,i say1 that from the very hour of my being enabled to see the truth as it is in ,jesus1 my life had been a constant prayer for him1 that ,god would make him a partaker in the like precious faith4 ,there was now a prospect of his returning1 and this added to the summons ,i have mentioned1 made my way plain4 ,the state of ,jack's mind1 too1 on the subject of ,popery1 helped to reconcile me1 since ,i had made up my mind to take him with me if his parents would agree to it4 ,there was no difficulty in bringing them to do so2 they gave a willing1 a grateful consent4 ,his mother's words1 while tears rolled down her cheeks1 were1 ,take him2 he is more your child than ours4 ,his father remarked1 ,why shouldn't we let him go with you1 seeing he would grieve to death if you left him behind8 ,when ,i began to state that ,i could not promise he would not openly embrace my religion1 they interrupted me1 repeating that he was my child more than theirs1 and could never come to any harm under my care4 ,coward as ,i was1 ,i did not use the opportunity then given to set before them their own danger1 and commend the pure faith that ,i knew their child held4 ,i had occasionally talked in a general way1 and once very strongly1 when the mother told me of the dreadful penances she had done1 walking on her bare knees over a road strewed with pebbles1 glass1 and quicklime1 to make her sufferings greater1 in order to obtain from ,god and the saints the restoration of the boy's hearing and speech4 ,she was then pleading the power and holiness of her clergy1 and their superiority to all the rest of the world4 ,i looked from the window1 and said1 ,see1 there goes your bishop2 now do you think this bright sun warms him more than it does any ,protestant walking beside him8 ,troth1 and ,i am sure it does1 answered she4 ,what1 do you think he has any particular advantage over other men in things that are common to all8 ,that he has1 being a holy bishop4 ,well1 now1 if ,i call him up1 and we all put our fingers together between these bars1 do you think the fire would burn him less than us8 ,she hesitated2 her husband burst into a laugh1 and archly said1 ,i'll engage his reverence wouldn't try that same4 ,i was now to bid adieu to my pleasant haunts1 chief among which was the lordly castle of ,kilkenny1 where ,i had passed so very many delightful hours4 ,its noble owners were abroad1 but by their favor ,i had a key to the private door beside the river1 and full access to every part of the castle and its beautiful grounds4 ,it was there ,i used to muse on days of ,ireland's bygone greatness1 though not then well read in her peculiar history1 and gradually ,i had become as ,irish as any of her own children4 ,how could it be otherwise8 ,i was not naturally cold-hearted1 though circumstances had1 indeed1 greatly frozen the current of my warm affections1 and ,i had learned to look with comparative indifference on whatever crossed my changeful path2 but no one with a latent spark of kindly feeling can long repress it among the ,irish4 ,there is an ardor of character1 an earnestness in their good will1 a habit of assimilating themselves to the tastes and habits of those whom they desire to please --and that desire is very general--that wins on the affections of those who possess any1 a grateful regard1 and leaving on the scenes that have witnessed such intercourse1 a sunshine peculiar to themselves4 ,reserve of manner cannot long exist in ,irish society4 ,i have met with some among the people of the land1 who were cold and forbidding1 insensible and unkind1 but these were exceptions1 establishing the rule by the very disagreeable contrast in which they stood out from all around them2 and ,i never found these persons in the humbler classes1 where the unmixed ,irish prevails4 ,hospitality is indeed the polestar of ,ireland2 go where you will1 it is always visible2 but it shines the brightest in the poor man's cabin1 because the potato that he so frankly1 so heartily1 so gracefully presses upon your acceptance is selected from a scanty heap1 barely sufficient to allay the cravings of hunger in himself and his half-clad little ones4 ,in this1 as in all other particulars1 a change for the worse has come over the people of late2 priestly authority has interposed to check the outgoings of kindness from a warm-hearted people to those who are indeed their friends1 and a painful1 reluctant restraint is laid upon them2 but the evil had not become evident at the time of my sojourn there1 and ,i can only speak of them as the most respectful1 most courteous and hospitable peasantry in the world4 ,at the same time they were in many respects the most degraded4 ,nothing could equal the depth of their abasement before an insolent priesthood1 except the unblushing effrontery with which the latter lorded it over them4 ,for any infraction of their arbitrary rules1 the most cruel and humiliating penances were imposed4 ,i knew an instance of a young woman1 a ,romanist1 who engaged in the service of a ,protestant family1 and went out with them to ,america4 ,while there1 she was led to join in family worship1 but without any intention of forsaking her own creed2 neither had they attempted to draw her out of the net4 ,on her return to ,kilkenny she went to confession1 and among other things divulged the fact of having heard the ,bible read1 and prayed in company with heretics4 ,this was an enormity too great for the priest to deal with alone2 so he ordered the girl off1 fasting1 to her original confessor1 who then officiated in a chapel seven good ,irish miles distant4 ,on hearing the case1 he ordered her to go thrice round the chapel on her bare knees1 and then to set off1 still fasting1 and walk back to ,kilkenny1 there to undergo such additional penance as his reverend brother should see good to impose4 ,the poor creature scarcely reached the town alive1 through fatigue1 exhaustion1 and terror2 she was ill for some time1 and on her recovery subjected to further discipline4 ,these particulars ,i had from one of her own friends and a bigoted ,papist to boot1 who told it in order to convince me that the girl had committed a very great sin4 ,i once asked a young man how he got on at confession--whether he told all his sins4 ,he replied1 ,sometimes ,i disremember a few1 and if the priest1 suspects it1 he pulls my hair and boxes my ears1 to help my memory4 ,and how do you feel when you have got absolution8 ,i feel all right2 and ,i go out and begin again4 ,and how do you know that ,god has really pardoned you8 ,he doesn't pardon me directly2 only the priest does4 ,he1 the priest1 confesses my sins to the bishop1 and the bishop confesses them to the pope1 and the pope sees the ,virgin ,mary every ,saturday night1 and tells her to speak to ,god about it4 ,and you really believe this monstrous story8 ,why shouldn't ,i8 ,but it is no affair of mine1 for1 once ,i have confessed1 all my sins are laid on the priest1 and he must do the best he can to get rid of them4 ,i am safe4 ,of such materials is the net composed that holds these people in bondage2 and who can marvel that such prostration of mind before a fellow-mortal should lead to an abject slavery of the whole man1 body1 conscience1 and understanding8 ,we see the effects1 and abhor them2 but we do not go to the root of the matter4 ,the priest himself is equally enslaved2 his oath binds him to an implicit blind reception of tenets which he is not permitted to investigate1 and which make him the pliant tool of a higher department of this detestable machinery4 ,he receives his cue from the bishops1 and they are wholly governed by the ,propaganda at ,rome1 whither each of them is bound periodically to appear for personal examination and fresh instructions4 ,the ,propaganda is1 of course1 the primum mobile of the system1 set agoing by ,satan himself4 ,hence the mischief that is perpetrated by the unhappy beings who form the operative section of this cunning concern--the handicraft men of blood4 ,it is an awful spectacle1 and one that we cannot long avert our eyes from contemplating with the deep interest that personal peril excites4 ,all is preparing for a burst of persecution against the people of the ,lord1 and happy is he who shall be found armed with watching4 ,,letter ,,ix4 ,,england4 ,we started for ,dublin with sorrowing hearts1 for it was likely to be a long1 if not a last farewell to friends who were endeared as well by a participation in danger as in feeling4 99 99 99 ,jack had never before been beyond the environs of his native town1 and ,i expected to see him much astonished by the splendid buildings of ,dublin4 ,he regarded them however with indifference1 because1 as he said1 they were not ,god-mades2 while the scenery through which we had travelled1 particularly the noble oaks on ,colonel ,bruen's fine demesne1 and the groups of deer reclining beneath their broad shadow1 roused him to enthusiasm4 ,it was wonderful to trace the exquisite perception of beauty as developed in that boy1 who had never even been in a furnished room until he came to me4 ,his taste was refined1 and his mind delicate beyond belief3 ,i never saw such sensitive modesty as he manifested to the last day of his life4 ,rudeness of any kind was hateful to him2 he not only yielded respect to all1 but required it towards himself1 and really commanded it by his striking propriety of manner4 ,he was1 as a dear friend once remarked1 a ,god-made gentleman1 untainted with the slightest approach to any thing like affectation or coxcombry3 indeed he ridiculed the latter with much comic effect3 and the words ,dandy ,jack1 would put him out of conceit with any article of apparel that drew forth the remark4 ,he would answer the taunt with a face of grave rebuke1 saying1 ,bad ,mam1 bold ,mam2 ,jack dandy8 no2 ,jack poor boy4 ,he had not1 indeed1 arrived at so copious a vocabulary when we left his home2 but he was rapidly acquiring new words4 ,it was beautiful to see him at prayer4 ,he had never kneeled down with us at ,kilkenny2 for any ,romanist who had detected him doing so must have informed1 and the priest would have commanded his removal4 ,in ,dublin he volunteered to join us1 and as he kneeled with clasped hands1 looking up towards heaven1 the expression of his countenance was most lovely4 ,a smile of childlike confidence and reverential love played over his features1 now becoming most eloquent2 his bristly hair had begun to assume a silky appearance1 and was combed aside from a magnificent brow1 while a fine color perpetually mantled his cheeks and changed with every emotion2 his dark hazel eyes1 large1 and very bright1 always speaking some thought that occupied his mind4 ,he was rather more than twelve years old4 ,in profile1 he much resembled ,kirke ,white when older2 but the strongest likeness ,i ever saw of him is an original portrait of ,edward ,,vi41 by ,holbein1 in my possession4 ,it was taken after consumption had set its seal on the countenance of that blessed young king1 as it did on that of my dear dumb boy4 ,in ,dublin1 he had one adventure that afforded him much enjoyment4 ,i went into an extensive toy-shop to make some purchase1 and ,jack1 enchanted with the wonders around him1 strolled to the further end1 and into a little adjoining recess1 well filled with toys4 ,a great uproar in that direction made us all run to inquire the cause1 and there was ,jack1 mounted on a first-rate rocking-horse1 tearing away full gallop1 and absolutely roaring out in the maddest paroxysm of delight1 his hat fallen off1 his arm raised1 his eyes and mouth wide open1 and the surrounding valuables in imminent peril of a general crash4 ,the mistress of the shop was so convulsed with laughter that she could render no assistance1 and it was with some difficulty ,i checked his triumphant career1 and dismounted him4 ,he gave me afterwards a diverting account of his cautious approach to the good horse2 how he ascertained it was bite1 no2 kick1 no3 and gradually got resolution to mount it4 ,he wanted to know how far he had rode1 and also if he was a ,god-made8 ,i told him it was wood1 but ,i doubt whether he believed me4 ,thenceforth ,dublin was associated in his mind with nothing else2 even at nineteen years of age he would say1 if he met with the name1 ,good ,dublin1 good horse2 small ,jack love good ,dublin horse4 ,the shipping pleased him greatly1 and many of his beautiful drawings were representations of sailing vessels4 ,i had now been in ,ireland five years and three months2 and with what different feelings did ,i prepare to leave its green shores from those with which ,i first pressed them4 ,unfounded prejudice was succeeded by an attachment founded on close acquaintance with those among whom ,i had dwelt1 contempt by respect1 and dislike by the warmest1 most grateful affection4 ,i had scorned her poverty1 and hated her turbulence4 ,the first ,i now knew to be no poverty of soil1 of natural resources1 of mind1 talent1 or energy1 but the effect of a blight1 permitted to rest alike on the land and people1 through the selfishness of an unjust1 crooked policy1 that made their welfare of no account in its calculations1 nor would stretch forth a hand to deliver them from the dark dominion of ,popery4 ,their turbulence was the natural fruit of such poverty1 and of their being wholly under the influence of a party necessarily hostile to the interests of a ,protestant state1 and bent on subverting its ascendency4 ,what ,ireland was1 ,i too plainly saw3 what she might be1 ,i clearly understood2 and the guilt of my country's responsibility lay heavy on my heart as ,i watched the outline of her receding coast4 ,bristol was our destination2 and for the ensuing year1 ,clifton became our abode4 ,this period of my life was one of severe trial1 which it is not necessary to particularize4 ,incipient derangement1 which afterwards became developed1 in a quarter where1 if ,i did not find comfort and protection1 ,i might expect their opposites1 occasioned me much alarm and distress1 while my brother's protracted absence increased the trial4 ,much secluded1 ,i pursued my literary avocations1 and watched the progress of ,jack's growth in knowledge and in grace4 99 99 99 ,my sojourn at ,clifton brought me into personal acquaintance with that venerable servant of ,god1 ,hannah ,more4 ,we had for some time corresponded1 and she had afforded me great encouragement in my humble labors1 taking an especial interest in my attempts to instruct the deaf and dumb children4 ,i had now the pleasure of showing her the progress made with ,jack1 who delighted her greatly1 and who1 to the last day of his mortal existence1 most fondly cherished the memory of that sweet old lady4 ,she was1 indeed1 one of the excellent of the earth1 permitted long to beautify the church which she had so mainly helped to strengthen and advance1 and to be an honor to the land where she had nobly stood forth to repel the assaults of revolutionizing impiety4 ,i often wonder that so little stress is laid upon this branch of ,mrs4 ,more's extensive labors4 ,we hear much of her schools1 her charities1 her letters1 her devotional and educational publications1 and all of these deserve the full celebrity that they have attained4 ,but ,england should especially bear in mind her effective championship of the good cause1 by means most admirably adapted to its furtherance among the most dangerous1 and generally speaking the most unapproachable class--a class who congregated in ale-houses to hear the inflammatory harangues of seditious traitors1 while as yet ,bibles were scarce1 religious tracts not in existence1 and district visiting unthought of4 ,in a lady of refined taste1 and rare accomplishments in the higher style of writing1 to volunteer in a work so new1 and to furnish the press with a series of plain truths dressed in a most homely phrase1 rendered attractive by lively narrative and even drollery1 and the whole brought down to the level of coarse1 uninformed minds1 while circulated in a form to come within the narrow means of the lowest mechanics--this was an enterprise worthy especial note1 even had not ,god openly blessed it to the turning of that formidable tide4 ,when ,i looked upon the placid but animated countenance of the aged saint1 as she sat in her bow-window looking out upon the fair fields1 the still inviolate shores of her beloved country1 ,i thought more of her ,cheap ,repository ,tracts than of all her other works combined4 ,there lay the ,bristol ,channel1 that noble inlet to our isle1 by which the commerce of the world was even then finding its peaceful way to the great mart of ,bristol2 and there sat the aged lady1 so long the presiding spirit of the place1 with one hand1 as it were1 gathering the lambs of the flock into green pastures among the distant hills1 that formed a beautiful feature in the landscape2 with the other vigorously repulsing the wolf from the field4 ,if ,i could have discovered1 which ,i could not1 a single trait of consciousness that she was a distinguished being1 exalted into eminence by public acclaim1 ,i must have conceived her to be dwelling upon this branch of her many privileges1 that she had been a ,deborah where many a ,barak shrunk from the post of honor and skulked behind a woman4 ,she took that lively interest in the public1 secular affairs of her country that ,jeremiah and ,ezekiel did of old2 and on the same plain ground--that where the state professes to be modelled and the executive to act on principles of ,god's instilling1 with a view that peace and happiness1 truth and justice1 religion and piety1 may be established among us1 nothing done by the state can be indifferent to the church1 or unworthy the anxious watchful regard of ,christians4 ,to be called a carnal politician by those whose minds1 at least on religious subjects1 could contain1 but one idea1 was certainly a light affliction to balance against the joyous consciousness of having materially aided in preserving those cavillers' homes from the hand of the spoiler1 and their ,bibles from that of the ,atheist4 ,when ,i saw ,hannah ,more1 she was really at ease in her possessions2 and none who loved her less than the ,lord himself did1 would have laid a sorrow upon her grey hairs4 ,man would have decreed that such a full-ripe shock of corn should be brought into the garner without further ruffling or shaking4 ,she had suffered exceedingly from rheumatism and other ailments1 and yet more from the tongue of calumny and the hand of ingratitude4 ,she was an illustration of that striking couplet1 ,envy will merit as its shade pursue1 ,and1 like the shadow1 prove the substance true4 ,she had1 however1 triumphed over all by meekly committing her cause to ,him who judgeth righteously2 and now she seemed to be placed beyond the reach of further molestation1 and about to end her useful life in peace4 ,but she had another lesson to give to the people of ,god1 another fire in which to glorify him3 and not long after ,i saw her reclining in that lovely retreat which had grown up about her1 a perfect bower from slips and seeds of her own planting1 as she delighted to tell us1 she was actually driven out of her little paradise1 compelled to leave the shadow of her nursling trees1 and to cast a tearful farewell look on the smiling flowers1 and to turn away from the bright sea and the waving line of her ,cheddar hills1 to find a lodging in the neighboring town2 and all through treachery1 domestic treachery against her whose whole life had been a course of unsparing beneficence towards others4 ,hannah ,more perhaps needed to be again reminded1 that she must do all her works as to the ,lord1 looking to him alone for acceptance of them2 or if she needed it not1 others did2 and often since she entered into her ,saviour's presence1 to go no more out1 has the scene of the last trial to which her generous1 confiding1 affectionate spirit was subjected1 been blessed to the consolation of others4 ,god's children find that it is good for themselves that they should be afflicted2 but they do not always remember how good it is for the church1 that they should be so4 ,they look within1 and seeing so much there daily1 justly deserving ,god's wrath and condemnation1 they lie still in his hand1 willing and thankful to have the dross purged out1 and the tin taken away4 ,their fellows look on1 and not seeing the desperate wickedness of their hearts1 but fondly believing them to be as near perfection as human frailty will permit1 they argue1 ,if such a saint as ---- be thus chastened and corrected1 what must a sinner like me expect8 ,so they learn watchfulness and fear in the day of prosperity2 and when adversity comes1 they are enabled more lovingly to kiss the rod4 ,oh1 if we could see but a little of the ,lord's dealings1 in all their bearings1 how should we praise him for his goodness and the wonders that he doeth unto the children of men4 ,what profit1 what pleasure has he in afflicting us8 ,surely it is1 so to speak1 more trouble to correct than to leave us alone2 and he would not twine the small cords into a scourge1 unless to cleanse and sanctify his temple4 ,i have said that my brother's return home was delayed4 ,a hurt received in shooting1 with its consequences1 detained him in ,lisbon nearly a year2 but his family came over1 and ,i had a new delicious employment1 a solace under many sorrows1 an unfailing source of interest and delight1 in teaching his eldest surviving boy the accomplishments of walking and talking4 ,i almost expected ,jack to be jealous of such a rival1 but ,i wronged him3 nothing could exceed his fondness for baby boy1 or the zeal of his ,irish devotion to the little gentleman4 ,knowing that in the event of my removal1 ,jack must earn his bread by some laborious or servile occupation1 ,i had kept him humble4 ,he ate in the same room with us1 because ,i never suffered him to associate with servants2 but at a side-table2 and he was expected to do every little household work that befitted his age and strength4 ,a kind shake of the hand1 morning and evening1 was his peculiar privilege2 and the omission a punishment too severe to be inflicted1 except on occasions of most flagrant delinquency1 such as rebelling against orders1 or expressing any angry emotion1 to which he was constitutionally liable1 by yells and howls that almost frightened our hosts from their propriety4 ,he had1 of course1 no idea of the strength of his own lungs1 nor of the effect produced by giving them full play in a fit of passion2 but the commotion into which it threw the whole house seemed to flatter his vanity1 and he became a vocalist on very trifling occasions4 ,this neither agreed with our dear invalid landlady1 nor was a fitting example for baby boy1 who speedily tried his own little treble in admiring imitation of ,jack's deafening bass2 and recourse was at last had to the aid of a young friend1 who bestowed a few gentle raps on his head with the bent end of a hooked cane1 and then locked him up in a dark kitchen for half an hour1 saying to me1 rather regretfully1 ,i suppose my popularity is at an end now4 ,poor fellow1 ,i shall be sorry to lose his affection4 ,but this was so far from being the case1 that to his closing scene ,jack retained a grateful remembrance of the proceeding4 ,he used to say1 ,good ,mr4 ,w----2 good little stick beat ,jack's head2 made bad ,jack good4 ,jack love good ,mr4 ,w----4 ,at the very time1 as soon as he saw his kind corrector after the business1 he very gracefully and cordially thanked him1 kissing his hand1 with a bow1 and saying1 ,jack no more cry2 and as he really was hardly touched1 and full well knew we had not the heart to be severe1 it was a proof of that openness to rebuke which is a lovely mark of true ,christianity4 ,montgomery beautifully says1 ,prayer is the ,christian's vital breath1 ,the ,christian's native air4 ,and so it eminently was with the dumb boy4 ,under every form of condition and circumstance1 in health and sickness1 in joy1 in grief1 in danger1 in perplexity--over his food1 his studies1 his work1 his amusements1 he was ever turning a look of peculiar sweetness on me1 with the two words1 ,jack pray4 ,he always smiled when so engaged1 and a look of inexpressible eagerness1 mingled with satisfaction and the triumph of one who feels that he has taken a secure stand1 told me when he was praying1 without any change of position1 or looking up4 ,there was always a mixture of anxiety in his aspect when he tried to make himself understood by his fellow-creatures2 this gave place to something the reverse of anxiety when he was talking to ,god1 as he sometimes expressed it4 ,he oftener looked down than up2 and very often did ,i see his eye fixed upon the baby boy1 when1 as his looks bespoke1 and as he afterwards told me1 he was tell ,god about him1 and that he was too little to know about ,jesus ,christ yet4 ,many a prayer of that grateful dumb boy even now descends in blessings on the head of my brother's baby1 and long may the hallowed stream continue to flow down1 until they rejoice together before the throne of the ,lamb4 ,one of ,jack's lovely thoughts was this3 he told me that when little children began to walk1 ,jesus ,christ held them by the hand to teach them2 and that if they fell1 he put his hand between their heads and the ground to prevent their being hurt4 ,then1 as if he saw this proceeding1 he would look up1 and with the fondest expression say1 ,good ,jesus ,christ1 ,jack very much loves ,jesus ,christ4 ,i hope you are not tired of ,jack2 ,i have much to tell about him4 ,god made me the humble means of plucking this precious brand from the burning2 and ,i owe it to the ,lord to show what a tenfold blessing ,i reaped in it4 ,jack was not the only one of whom ,he has1 in the dispensations of his providence1 said to me1 ,nurse this child for me1 and ,i will give thee thy wages4 ,i have found him a noble ,paymaster4 ,and now ,i come to a period of my life that ,i have scarcely courage to go over4 ,many and sharp and bitter were the trials left unrecorded here2 and shame be to the hand that shall ever ,,dare to lift the veil that tender charity would cast over what was ,god's doing1 let the instruments be what and who they might4 ,it is enough to say1 that even now ,i know there was not one superfluous stroke of the rod1 nor one drop of bitter that could have been spared from the wholesome cup4 ,besides1 he dealt most mercifully with me2 those two rich blessings1 health and cheerfulness1 were never withdrawn4 ,i had not a day's illness through years of tribulation2 and though my spirits would now and then fail1 it was but a momentary depression2 light and buoyant1 they soon danced on the crest of the wave that had for an instant ingulfed them4 ,it is of joy ,i have to tell3 safety1 peace1 prosperity1 under the restored sunshine that had made my early career so bright4 ,never did a sister more fondly love a brother2 never was a brother more formed to be the delight1 the pride1 the blessing of a sister4 ,he was of most rare beauty from the cradle1 increasing in loveliness as he grew up1 and becoming the very model of a splendid man2 very tall1 large1 commanding1 with a face of perfect beauty1 glowing1 animated1 mirthful--a gait so essentially military1 that it was once remarked by an officer1 ,if ,b---- were disguised as a washerwoman1 any soldier would give him the salute4 ,he had also served in the ,peninsula with the highest possible credit1 regarded by those in command as one of the best officers in the service1 and most ardently loved by the men under him4 ,many a bloody battle-field had he seen2 but never did a wound reach him4 ,on one occasion--at ,albuhera--his gallant regiment went into action #hjj strong1 and on the following day only #if men were able to draw rations4 ,he became on the field a lieutenant1 from being the youngest ensign2 and alike in all circumstances he shone out as an honor to his profession4 ,he had also been an especial favorite with ,john ,,vi4 of ,portugal1 and the high polish of a court was superadded to all the rest1 without in the smallest degree changing the exceedingly playful1 unaffected joyousness of the most sunshiny character ,i ever met with4 ,ten years' absence had produced the effect on my sisterly love that ,burns describes3 ,time but th' impression stronger makes1 ,as streams their channels deeper wear4 ,i had also many personal reasons for looking forward to his return with peculiar anxiety2 and its uncertainty increased the feeling4 ,i had been spending the day with a sick friend1 and ran home at night to the lodging occupied by my mother and myself1 and there ,i found my brother4 ,what a dream those ten years' trials appeared6 ,we remained but a short time in ,clifton1 and soon bent our way towards the metropolis1 where he expected1 as is usual1 to dance a long and wearisome attendance on the ,horse ,guards1 for a regimental appointment4 ,he had refused that of aid-de-camp to king ,john1 with any military rank and title that he might desire2 preferring a half-pay unattached company in the ,british1 to any thing that a foreign service could offer2 but he was mistaken3 his merits were well known to the ,duke of ,york1 and before he could well state to ,sir ,herbert ,taylor his wishes1 that estimable man told him he had only to select out of two or three regiments lately returned from foreign service1 and he would be gazetted on the following ,tuesday4 ,he chose the #geth1 and was immediately appointed to it1 with leave to study for two years in the senior department of the ,military college at ,sandhurst1 the better to qualify himself for a future staff situation4 ,a sweet cottage1 standing isolated on the verge of ,bagshot-heath1 sheltered by tall trees and opening on a beautiful lawn1 with a distant but full view of the college1 became our abode4 ,a delightful room was selected for me1 with an injunction to sit down and make the most of my time while he was in the halls of study1 that ,i might be at leisure to walk1 to ride1 to garden1 to farm with him--my brother--my restored brother1 whose eye beamed protection1 and whose smile diffused gladness1 and whose society was what in our happy childhood it had ever been1 just instead of all the world to me4 ,if one thing was wanting1 and wanting it was1 to knit us in a tie more enduring than any of this world's bonds could possibly be1 that very sense of want furnished a stimulus to more importunate prayer on his behalf4 ,some of the good people who for lack of a relay of ideas borrow one of their neighbors and ride it to death1 treated me to a leaf from the book of ,job's comforters1 when the calamity fell on me of that precious brother's death1 by telling me ,i had made an idol of him4 ,it was equally false and foolish4 ,an idol is something that either usurps ,god's place1 or withdraws our thoughts and devotions from him4 ,the very reverse of this was my case4 ,i had an additional motive for continually seeking the ,lord1 not only in prayer for the enlightening influences of the ,holy ,spirit on behalf of one so dear1 but also for grace to walk most circumspectly myself1 lest ,i should cast any stumbling-block in his way1 or give him occasion to suspect that my religious profession was a name1 and not a reality4 ,that was surely a profitable idol which kept me always prayerful before ,god1 watchful over myself1 diligent in the discharge of duties1 and in continual thanksgiving for the mercies ,i had received4 ,do ,i repent loving my brother so well8 ,i wish it had been possible to love him better4 ,these warm affections of the heart are among the sweetest relics of a lost ,eden1 and ,i would sooner tear up the flowers that ,god has left to smile in our daily path through a sin-blighted wilderness1 far sooner than ,i would cease to cherish1 to foster1 to delight in the brighter1 sweeter flowers of domestic love1 carried to the full extent of all its endearing capabilities4 ,the ,lord knoweth our frame2 he deals with us not according to what we are not1 but according to what we are4 ,he sets before us various duties1 and to the end that we may the better fulfil them1 he gives us aids not contrary to1 but accordant with our natural feelings4 ,men set up a standard1 often a just and scriptural one1 to which they sorrowfully confess that because of the weakness of their nature they cannot themselves attain2 but according to which they sternly judge their neighbors4 ,a person has a path assigned to him1 a steep ascent strewed with thorns and crowded with obstacles1 before which he often pauses and waxes faint4 ,god gives him a companion for his way1 even as he sent forth the disciples two and two1 and the pilgrim is cheered4 ,he quickens his pace2 another besides himself will be benefited by his progress1 and if he fails1 another will suffer in his loss4 ,so he goes on thankful1 rejoicing1 and endued with double energy for the toilsome achievement4 ,but he sees a neighbor to whom the ,lord has also granted help through human means1 perhaps not exactly similar to that which he has received2 he sees his neighbor likewise openly rejoicing in the possession of such a staff2 and bringing him to the tests of that perfect law which requires an entire devotedness to and dependence on the ,lord1 he raises a cry of mixed motives1 the arm of flesh1 idolatry1 and so forth4 ,no doubt he is so far right1 that perverse humanity will ever abuse ,god's gifts1 and often make them occasions of sin2 but this outcry of the beam against the mote1 which is so grievously prevalent in the religious world1 is very unseemly4 ,oh1 how infinitely more tender is the ,lord to us than we to one another4 ,hitherto1 many impediments had been thrown in the way of my literary labors4 ,anxiety1 apprehension1 and the restlessness of feeling resulting from a continual change of abode1 had broken the train of thought1 and rendered my work very uncertain4 ,indeed1 it would often have been wholly inadequate to my support1 but for the watchful kindness of friends whom the ,lord raised up to me1 foremost among whom always stood the estimable ,mr4 ,sandford1 who never ceased to regard me with paternal affection and care4 ,to he wholly independent was the first earthly wish of my heart2 and now a fair opportunity was given of testing my willingness to labor diligently4 ,the result was so far1 satisfactory1 that in the course of the two years and two months of my residence under my brother's roof1 ,i wrote the ,rockite1 the ,system1 ,izram1 ,consistency1 ,perseverance1 ,allen ,mc,leod1 ,zadoc1 and upwards of thirty little books and tracts1 besides contributions to various periodicals4 ,i was going on most prosperously1 when an attempt was suddenly made from another quarter to establish a claim to the profits of my pen4 ,the demand was probably legal1 according to the strict letter of existing statutes1 though circumstances would have weighed strongly in my favor4 ,but it greatly reduced the value of my copyrights for the time being1 and ,i found myself checked in my career at a juncture when it was especially my desire to go on steadily4 ,this brought upon me two temptations1 the force of which was greatly increased by the circumstances under which they found me4 ,,letter ,x4 ,,sandhurst4 ,when ,i first began to write1 it was with a simple desire to instruct the poor in the blessed truths of the gospel4 ,my own situation soon rendered it needful to turn the little talent ,i possessed to account4 ,this ,i did1 still keeping in view the grand object of promoting ,god's glory2 and my attempts having been well received1 ,i found a ready market for whatever ,i wrote1 so that the name was considered a sufficient guarantee for the book4 ,now1 ,i could no longer safely use that name1 and anonymous writing became the only feasible plan4 ,a friend1 who did not look upon the main subject in the light that ,i did1 made1 through my brother1 a proposal that ,i should become a contributor to the most popular magazine of the day1 supplying tales1 etc41 the purport of which was to be as moral as ,i pleased1 but with no direct mention of religion4 ,the terms offered were very high3 the strict incognito to be preserved would secure me from any charge of inconsistency1 and coming as it did when my regular source of income was suddenly closed1 and when the idea of being burdensome to my generous brother with his increasing family was hardly supportable1 it was thought ,i could not demur4 ,nevertheless1 ,i did2 the ,lord in his gracious providence had said to me1 ,go work to-day ,in my vineyard1 and ,i had for upwards of four years enjoyed that blessed privilege4 ,it was now withdrawn1 certainly not without his permission2 and how did ,i know that it was not to try my faith8 ,the idea of hiring myself out to another master--to engage in the service of that world the friendship of which is enmity with ,god--to cause the ,holy ,one of ,israel to cease from before those whom by the pen ,i addressed--to refrain from setting forth ,jesus ,christ and him crucified to a perishing world1 and give the reins to an imagination ever prone to wander after folly and romance1 but now subdued to a better rule--all this was so contrary to my views of ,christian principle1 that1 after much earnest prayer to ,god1 ,i decided rather to work gratuitously in the good cause1 trusting to ,him who knew all my necessity1 than to entangle myself with things on which ,i could not ask a blessing4 ,the conflict was indeed severe2 no one attempted to oppose my resolve2 but as yet no one could at all understand its real ground2 and it was a very trying position in which ,i stood1 thus seemingly spurning an honorable means of independence and leaving myself destitute4 ,but the trial was short3 my first friends1 the ,christian ,dublin ,tract ,society1 exercising that faith which has distinguished all their acts1 determined to brave the consequences1 and still publish my little books4 ,this1 though1 the profit was not then very good1 ,i hailed as a gracious intimation of the ,lord's purpose still to continue me in his service2 and ,i was the more strengthened to meet the second trial1 which coming at a time when the sum proffered would he doubly acceptable1 and the refusal involving the loss of a very old and kind friend1 was rather a sharp one2 more especially as the offence given would and did alienate him from others who had no share in the proceeding1 and whose interests were far dearer to me than my own4 ,many years before1 that friend had published a novel3 not a flimsy love- story1 but of a class above the common run4 ,i had1 as a girl1 been very fond of it1 and often delighted the amiable author by expressing an admiration that was not general2 for the work had failed1 and was unsold4 ,now1 finding ,i had been myself successful with the pen1 and full1 even1 in old age1 of natural love for his literary offspring1 he had formed a plan1 in which he never dreamed of encountering opposition4 ,he wished me to rewrite it1 to cast the characters anew1 enliven the style1 add variety to the incidents1 and1 in short1 make a new work out of his materials4 ,still it was to be a novel2 and as it had been originally published in his name1 it was to be so now4 ,my share in the work would never be known2 and as he was abundantly wealthy1 and equally generous1 a carte blanche as to terms was before me4 ,on the former occasion ,i had paused1 and thought much3 on this ,i did not4 ,the path was plain before me1 but dreadfully painful to pursue4 ,a hundred pounds just then would have been more to me than a thousand at another time2 and private feeling was most distressingly involved1 both as regarded myself and others4 ,it was in an agony of prayer1 and after many bitter tears1 that ,i brought myself to do what1 nevertheless1 ,i had not a wish to leave undone4 ,i wrote a faithful letter to the friend in question1 most unequivocally stating the ground of my refusal--the responsibility under which ,i conceived we all lay before ,god for the application of talents committed by him2 the evils of novel-reading2 and1 as far as ,i could1 ,i declared the whole gospel of ,christ to one whom ,i had no reason to consider as taking any thought whatever for his soul4 ,i heard no more from him to the day of his death1 which took place ten years after4 ,i had reason to believe that his intentions towards me were very liberal in the final distribution of his property2 for he had known and loved me from my cradle1 and he had no family2 but my conscience bore a happy testimony in the matter2 and ,i am fully persuaded that the whole was a snare of ,satan to betray me into an acceptance of unhallowed gains1 by catering to the worldly tastes of those who forget ,god4 ,no doubt1 the business would have been a profitable one1 and the inducement to persevere made strong in proportion as ,i sacrificed principle to lucre4 ,all these things will ,i give thee1 if thou wilt fall down and worship me4 ,i should neither do justice to the ,lord's rich goodness nor to the honored instrument of his bounty if ,i omitted to add1 that1 shortly after1 my munificent friend ,mr4 ,sandford sent me a gift that left me no loser by having done my duty4 ,while on the subject of my books1 ,i will record an incident that occurred about the same time1 and on which ,i always look with feelings of indescribable delight4 ,i did not know it until1 some years afterwards1 the story was related to me by the principal actor in it-- the abetter of my heretical pravity4 ,little did ,i dream1 when writing my humble penny books1 that they would be advanced to the high honor of a place in the ,papal ,index ,expurgatorius4 ,the lady in question took to the continent a sweet1 only daughter3 a lovely little girl of ten years old1 the joy of her widowed bosom1 who was fast sinking in decline4 ,i was exceedingly fond of that child1 who returned my affection from the depths of an ,irish heart2 and who1 out of love for its author1 selected one of my small penny books to translate into ,italian during her last stage of suffering4 ,she did not live to complete it2 but with her dying breath requested her mother to do so1 in the earnest hope of its being made useful to the ignorant people around them4 ,bessie was a lamb of the ,lord's fold2 and to lead other children into the same blessed shelter was her heart's desire4 ,as soon as the bereaved mother could make any exertion1 she betook herself to the task assigned by her departed darling1 and found such satisfaction in it that she extended her labors1 and translated several more4 ,being a lady of rank and affluence1 she was enabled to carry it on to publication1 and to insure the circulation of the little books among many4 ,one of them1 ,the ,simple ,flower1 a sixpenny book1 thus translated1 fell into the hands of an ,italian physician1 a man of highly cultivated mind2 nominally a ,romanist2 and like all thinking ,romanists1 in reality an infidel4 ,the book contains not a word on controversy2 not an allusion to ,popery--it is plain gospel truth1 conveyed in a very simple narrative4 ,god blessed it to this gentleman1 and he became a ,christian4 ,the circumstance excited much remark3 curiosity led many to read that and others of the series1 and a great number were circulated in the neighboring districts4 ,this was actually within the papal states1 under the jurisdiction of the archbishop of ,sienna1 to whose knowledge came the astounding fact that pennyworths of heresy were circulated within the range of his pastoral charge3 the matter was reported at head- quarters1 taken up with due seriousness1 and a ,sunday appointed1 on which1 no doubt1 ,i was quietly worshipping in the college chapel at ,sandhurst1 wholly unconscious that my name was then being proclaimed at a hundred ,italian altars1 with a denunciation against all who should read1 circulate1 or possess any book1 tract1 or treatise penned by me4 ,one instance was particularized3 a poor priest had himself given numbers of these translations to his flock2 and after mass1 he stood before them deeply moved1 telling them he had a painful duty to perform4 ,that he had received from the highest authority a command to proclaim what he held in his hand1 and which he proceeded to read to them--a copy of the fulmination above-mentioned4 ,having done so he folded the paper1 and resumed1 saying he had given and recommended the little books to them1 because he had read them himself and found nothing but what was good in them3 however1 the church1 which they were all bound to obey1 judged otherwise2 and now4 he added1 you must bring them back to me1 or burn them1 or in some other way destroy them wholly3 nevertheless1 ,i declare in the sight of ,god ,i found no evil in those dear little books1 but the contrary--they are full of good4 ,he burst into tears1 and many wept with him2 and not a few of the proscribed productions were wrapped up and buried in the earth1 or otherwise put away till the search should be over4 ,who knows but that very priest was led to the ,bible and to ,christ through such humble means8 ,i would not exchange for the value of the ten kingdoms ten times trebled1 the joy that ,i feel in this high honor put upon me--this rich blessing of being under the papal curse4 99 99 99 ,with what fondness does memory linger over those delightful days of sojourn under the sheltering roof of my brother1 so soon1 to be for ever parted in this world4 ,another boy had been added to our happy little circle1 and ,jack's warm heart seemed to receive an accession of love1 that he might have it to bestow on the beautiful baby small1 which claimed so much of his thoughts and prayers4 ,indeed1 his thoughts were always prayers1 for ,god was in all4 ,he made but little progress in language1 having a great dislike to learning beyond what was needful for communicating his thoughts to me1 and as he was then obliged to be more with servants than ,i liked1 ,i was not anxious to extend his facilities of communicating with them2 nor did he at all desire their society4 ,he had a little room of his own1 to his great delight1 over the coach- house2 and when not employed in his work1 or talking with me1 he was most happy with the pencil4 ,he gave a strong and beautiful proof of the dread with which ,god inspired him as to ensnaring company2 and ,i cannot pass it over4 ,my brother declared his intention of keeping a horse1 and of course a groom4 ,jack came to me with an earnest entreaty that he might be the groom1 saying he could do it so well4 ,the reason he gave to me1 confidentially1 was1 that men were very wicked2 that the man-servant would often shake hands with the devil--his usual mode of expressing wilful sin--and that if ,jack shook hands with him1 he would some day draw his hand till he got it into the devil's2 meaning1 that an evil companion would by degrees induce him to become evil too4 ,he also said1 ,captain ,b---- was very kind to ,mam1 and that a servant would cost him money1 and eat a great deal2 but ,jack would take no money1 and only eat small potato1 small meat1 because he loved ,captain ,b----4 ,when ,i communicated the request to my brother he laughed1 saying such a boy could never groom a horse2 but ,jack had been privately to a kind friend of his1 a retired non-commissioned officer of cavalry1 who had the care of some horses1 and got him to give him instruction1 succeeding so well in his attempt that the serjeant told my brother he really thought him competent to the office4 ,he consented to try2 and having purchased his horse1 tied him up at the stable-door for ,jack to commence operations1 while we all assembled to see him4 ,i was apprehensive of a total failure1 but he did it admirably1 and my brother declared he only wanted a few inches in height to be one of the best grooms in the kingdom4 ,jack's exultation was very great4 ,when we were alone1 he went up to the horse1 kissed it1 and after telling me how pleased he saw his master look1 he added1 ,no man2 all one ,jack4 ,devil cry--go1 devil6 and snapped his fingers at the invisible enemy4 ,his greatest security next to his love of ,god was his constant fear of ,satan4 ,yet it was rather a fear of himself1 lest he should yield to his temptations1 for he was perfectly aware ,satan would not force him to do any thing4 ,hence his extreme caution as to what associates he had1 and a reserve with those whom he did not know to be ,christians1 which was sometimes mistaken for pride4 ,he invariably asked me1 of every person who came to the house1 whether that person loved ,jesus ,christ2 and if ,i could not give a positive answer in the affirmative1 he stood aloof1 always most courteous1 but perfectly cold1 and even dignified in repelling any advance to sociability beyond common politeness4 ,he did not know the meaning of a single bad word1 and ,god kept him so that the wicked one touched him not4 ,i used every means1 of course1 to this end4 ,i watched him most narrowly1 and always interposed if he was required to do any thing1 or to go to any place1 in which ,i apprehended danger4 ,my vigilance extorted smiles from those who considered it must all be in vain when he grew a little older2 but no obstacle was placed in my way2 and ,i bless ,god ,i never relaxed that care1 nor did the boy ever depart from his holy caution2 and he died at the age of nineteen1 a very tall and fine-looking young man1 with the mind of a little babe as regards the evil that is in the world4 ,oh that parents knew the importance of thus watching over their boys4 ,soon after the first horse was established in his stall1 my brother purchased a second for my riding1 saying he should now1 of course1 get an assistant in the stable2 but ,jack burst into tears1 and himself pleaded with him for leave to do all4 ,my brother greatly delighted in his broken language1 and caught exactly his phraseology1 so that they conversed together as well as with me2 and he told me he could not stand ,jack's entreaties4 ,he is a fine little fellow1 said he1 and if you will watch and see that he is not overexerting himself1 he may try for a while3 he will soon be tired4 ,but far from it2 ,jack was proud of his two horses2 and none in the place were better kept4 ,when a cow was added1 a young person came to milk her2 but ,jack was outrageous1 talked of his mother's ,kilkenny cows1 and cow's baby1 and expressed such sovereign contempt for the stranger's performance1 and such downright hostility against the intruder1 that we had no peace till he got the cow also under his especial care4 ,often afterwards did he talk of that time1 saying he was well ,jack1 when he had two horses and a cow1 and almost crying over his loss4 ,he grew rapidly1 and the doctors told me that such a life would have kept him strong to any age4 ,one day he came and asked me to let him have a large hoop1 to make him go faster on messages4 ,i thought it childish1 and did not regard it2 so he went to my brother with the same request1 who inquired his reason4 ,jack told him the stage-coaches that passed our gate went very fast1 because the four horses had four large hoops1 meaning the wheels1 and if he had a large hoop he could go as fast as the horses4 ,diverted beyond measure at such an original idea1 my brother sent to ,reading for the largest and best hoop that could be got2 and many a laugh we had at seeing ,jack racing beside the ,london coaches with his wheel1 nodding defiance at the horses1 and shouting aloud with glee4 ,he often went six miles with his wheel1 to bear messages and notes to our valued and much- loved friend ,general ,orde1 whom he idolized almost1 and who looked on him as one of the most lovely instances of divine grace he had ever met with4 ,on the first formation of the ,british ,reformation ,society1 ,general ,orde wrote to me1 with a prospectus of the intended work4 ,i told it to ,jack1 who in rapturous delight gave me his whole worldly fortune of two shillings1 bidding me give it to put it in their pockets1 and to bid good ,general ,orde tell gentlemen to send much ,bibles to ,kilkenny1 that his father and mother and all the poor people might learn to break the crucifixes1 and love ,jesus ,christ4 ,i wrote this to the general1 who sent to me for the identical two shillings1 which ,mr4 ,noel produced on the platform1 with the dumb boy's message1 and ,i believe it drew many a piece of gold from the purses of those who saw the gift1 which stands enrolled the very first in the accounts of that noble society's receipts4 ,jack often prayed for the ,reformation ,society1 and ,i believe his blessing helped them not a little2 there was so much faith in all that he did1 such as ,god alone could give1 and he never seemed to entertain a doubt of obtaining what he asked4 ,many a sweet instance of his childlike confidence in the ,lord is engraven on my memory1 at once to stimulate and to shame me4 ,his whole experience seemed to be an illustration of the word of promise1 ,ask1 and ye shall receive4 ,one of the things that struck me as being referable to nothing but the teaching of the ,holy ,spirit1 was the interest manifested by this boy for the ,jews4 ,his active ,protestantism was easily accounted for2 but to give him an idea of ,judaism would have been impossible4 ,he could not read4 ,his knowledge of language did not go far enough to enable him to understand the construction of a sentence2 and though he spelled correctly1 and wrote readily whatever he wished to say1 and his mode of expression was generally quite intelligible to others1 he did not comprehend what was spoken or written in the ordinary way4 ,accustomed to attach a distinct meaning to every word1 and acquainted with very few besides nouns and a few verbs1 which he only used in the present tense1 independent of the pronouns1 and without reference to number1 he was quite lost among the other parts of speech4 ,for instance1 if ,i had wanted to say1 ,you must go to the village and buy me a small loaf of bread1 ,i should have expressed it thus3 ,jack1 go village1 money1 bread small1 one4 ,grammatically expressed1 the order would have been unintelligible to him3 but few would have misunderstood it in the uncouth phrase last instanced4 ,he would have gone to the shop1 and writing down1 ,bread small1 one1 would have held out the money1 and made a sign to express what size he wanted4 ,it was this very fact of the impossibility of conveying to his mind any clear notion of things invisible and spiritual1 that so gloriously manifested the power and goodness of ,god in causing the light to shine into his heart4 ,to a reader who never witnessed the attempts of an intelligent1 half-taught deaf mute to express his meaning and to catch that of others1 much of what ,i state respecting ,jack may and must appear1 if not incredible1 at least unintelligible2 yet none who ever saw and conversed with him would fail to substantiate it1 and they were very many4 ,that zealous missionary1 ,dr4 ,wolff1 visited my brother's cottage when he and ,i were both absent1 and no one could assist ,jack in conversing with him2 yet so great was his delight1 that he wanted to take him to ,palestine1 to instruct the deaf and dumb in the doctrine of ,christ4 ,the ,rev4 ,h4 ,h4 ,beamish is another who cannot1 without emotion1 recall his intercourse with that dying ,christian4 ,general ,orde1 who saw him very frequently1 regarded him as a wonder of divine grace2 and the ,rev4 ,w4 ,hancock1 his beloved pastor1 who for four years observed him closely1 often said he derived greater encouragement from the experience and the prayers of that poor boy1 than from almost any other earthly source4 ,unbelievers will doubt2 but those who know the grace of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ will adore4 ,still it will be evident that ,jack could not read the ,bible4 ,he took great delight in copying it out1 dwelling on such words as he knew2 but ,i have seen him turn over two leaves and go on wholly unconscious1 of any mistake3 and ,i have found among his papers whole pages1 composed of half sentences and single epithets from ,scripture1 put together in unbroken paragraphs1 without any meaning4 ,with all this1 he was ardently attached to the ,jewish cause1 and always told me ,jesus ,christ love poor ,jew2 ,jew soon love ,jesus ,christ4 ,when speaking of them1 he would look very tender and sorrowful1 moving his head slowly from side to side1 and his hand as if stroking some object in a caressing way4 ,at such times it was curious to mark the effect of naming a priest ,roman to him4 ,in a moment his aspect changed to something ludicrously repulsive3 he stuck his hands in his sides1 puffed out his cheeks to their full extent1 scowled till his brows overhung his eyelids1 and generally finished by appearing to seize a goblet and drain off the contents to the last drop1 inflating his body1 stroking it1 smacking his lips1 and strutting about4 ,this he did1 not as imputing drunkenness to the priesthood1 but their denying the cup to the laity1 and swallowing the contents themselves4 ,though his acting was laughably comic1 his feeling was that of serious and severe indignation2 and he would reprove us for the laughter it was utterly impossible to restrain1 saying1 with triumphant confidence1 ,god see4 99 99 99 ,,letter ,,xi4 ,,separation4 ,the two shortest years of my life were now drawing to a close4 ,my brother had completed his studies1 passed his examination1 and was under orders to join his regiment in ,ireland4 ,oh how my heart rose in prayer1 that where ,i had found a spiritual blessing he also might receive it4 ,i could not understand the state of his mind on the most vital of all points3 he had imbibed a prejudice so strong against the class of people called evangelical1 that nothing but his generous affection for us would have induced him to receive under his roof two of that proscribed body1 to say nothing of ,jack4 ,he confessed to me1 laughing1 not long after we became his inmates1 that he supposed we should be falling on our knees half a dozen times a day1 singing psalms all over the house1 and setting our faces against every thing merry or cheerful4 ,he had never been acquainted with any serious person before going to ,portugal1 nor during his short leaves of absence at home3 none of that class ever crossed his path abroad1 and he came home prepared to believe any thing that was told him of the supposed fanatics1 whom he understood to be a sort of ranting dissenters4 ,at ,clifton1 extremes then ran far2 the gay people most violently denouncing their sober neighbors1 and making up all sorts of scandal concerning them4 ,hannah ,more was pointed out as queen of the ,methodists1 and a most infamous lie1 wholly destructive of her moral character1 circulated among a narrow but dissipated clique as a known fact2 while the small fry of fanatics were disposed of by dozens in a similar way4 ,the faithful clergyman1 whose ministry we attended1 was absolutely persecuted2 and his congregation could expect no better at the same hands4 ,i am very far from charging this upon the generality of even worldly people there2 but it did exist1 visibly and sensibly2 and my dear brother evidently had fallen in with some of these wholesale calumniators1 before he could possibly judge for himself4 ,a visit to ,barley ,wood1 and a very prolonged interview with the queen1 greatly staggered his prejudices2 he was perfectly charmed with her1 and remarked to me that if all her subjects were like her1 they must be a very agreeable set of people4 ,still he apprehended an outbreak of extravagance when we should be fairly installed in his abode2 and though he soon became undeceived1 and learned to take the greatest delight in the society of ,general ,orde1 ,mr4 ,sandford1 and others equally decided2 though he punctually attended the faithful ministry of ,mr4 ,hancock at the college chapel1 besides his regular appearance at the usual military service1 and would not allow one disparaging word to be uttered in his presence of that zealous preacher or his deeply spiritual discourses2 though he chose from among his brother officers a bold1 uncompromising ,christian as his most intimate associate1 and gave many unconscious indications that he had received the doctrine of man's total corruption1 and the nothingness of his best works2 though he became the warm advocate of a scriptural education for the youthful poor1 whom he had always before considered most safe and happy in total ignorance--still1 with all this1 ,i could not see even in his beautiful devout bearing in public worship where the reverse so sadly prevailed1 and where every thing approaching to seriousness became a matter of suspicion1 that he was really seeking ,god4 ,in fact1 ,i had been too much in the trammels of a system which lays down arbitrary rules1 and will not admit that ,god is working unless his hand be immediately and openly apparent to all4 ,i would not believe that what looked green and beautiful was a blade of corn1 just because it had not yet grown to an ear3 and ,i refrained from speaking when perhaps speech on such subjects would have been more welcome than he wished to acknowledge1 lest the remarks that ,i longed to utter might prove unpalatable1 and produce the contrary effect to what ,i desired4 ,he was only going for a little while3 an appointment on the home-staff was promised1 and then ,i was to live with him again1 and ,i would zealously pursue the work4 ,alas1 what a rod was prepared for my unbelief and presumption6 ,the present was slighted1 in the confident expectation of a future that was never to arrive4 ,we were almost always together out of his college hours4 ,my window commanded a view of the distant building1 and when ,i saw the preparatory movement to breaking up1 ,i rose from my desk1 tied on my bonnet1 and ran off in sufficient time to meet him very near the college4 ,both let loose from six hours' hard work1 we were like children out of school1 often racing and laughing with all the buoyancy of our natural high spirits4 ,the garden1 the poultry-yard1 and all the little minutiae of our nice farming establishment1 fully occupied the afternoon1 while the children gambolled round1 and ,jack looked on with smiles1 often telling me how much he loved beautiful ,captain ,b----1 as he constantly called him4 ,at ten o'clock we parted for the night1 ,i to resume the pen till long after midnight2 he to rest1 whence he always rose at four o'clock1 devoting four or five hours to study before we met in the morning4 ,we visited very little1 domestic retirement being the free choice of every one of us2 and nothing could have induced my brother to banish his children from the parlor or drawing-room4 ,few things excited his indignation more than the nursery system3 his little ones were the pride of his heart1 the delight of his eyes1 the objects of his fondest care4 ,he often said he intended his boys to be gentlemen1 and therefore would not allow them to imbibe the tastes and habits of the kitchen4 ,the consequence is that his boys are gentlemen4 ,thus dwelling in love1 united in every plan and pursuit1 our time fairly divided between diligent work and healthful recreation amid the delights of rural life1 do you marvel that ,i call this period my two shortest years8 ,had no previous circumstances given tenfold brilliancy to these lights by casting a depth of black shadow behind them1 or no menacing future hung over the present enjoyment1 still there was enough to make it indeed an oasis2 but it was more4 ,i cannot doubt that the ,lord mercifully gave me a foreboding of what was to come1 in the intolerable anguish of what seemed to be but a very short parting1 with a delightful prospect of renewed domestic comfort just beyond4 ,yet so it was3 ,i almost died under the trial of that farewell2 and for three weeks before1 and as long after1 ,i never had a night's rest4 ,visions of terror were constantly before me1 among which a scene of drowning was so perpetually recurring that ,i have often started from my bed under the vivid impression4 ,this was the more strange because we had always been so fearlessly fond of the water3 in our early days we had a little boat1 just big enough for him to row and me to steer1 in which we used to take excursions on the river ,wensum1 and never thought of danger4 ,at ,sandhurst too we were frequently upon the lake1 and had both become familiarized with ocean1 until of all perils those of the water were least likely to daunt me1 either for myself or him3 yet in most imminent peril we had once been placed2 and at this time it would recur to my memory with tormenting frequency4 ,i was about seven years old1 and he though younger was much the larger of the two1 a stout hearty boy1 and ,i a very frail delicate little creature1 thanks to the doctors and their pet drug4 ,our parents went out for a day's excursion with a friend1 and of course we accompanied them4 ,the place was one celebrated for good fishing1 and the gentlemen having enjoyed a long morning's sport1 remained in the house with my mother1 sending us out to play4 ,we had strict charge not to go too near the water1 nor on any account to get into a boat1 of which there were several on the river4 ,we strolled about1 and at last came to the brink of this river1 to admire a barge or wherry which lay close to the little pier2 for it was a public ferry1 and the depth very great4 ,a small boat just by attracted my brother's attention1 who wished to get into it1 until ,i reminded him of the prohibition1 when he said1 ,i wont get into it1 ,char41 but ,i will sit down here and put my two feet in the little boat4 ,he did so3 the boat moved1 and in his alarm trying to rise1 he fell and disappeared4 ,i perfectly remember the scene2 ,i have also heard it described many a time by others1 but ,i cannot understand how it was that ,i1 stooping from the shore1 with nothing to hold on by way of support1 seized the little fellow by the collar as he rose1 and firmly held him in my grasp4 ,he did not struggle1 but looked up in my face1 and ,i down in his1 and as ,i felt my puny strength rapidly failing1 the resolution was firm on my mind to be drawn in and perish with him4 ,there was not a question about it2 ,i can recall the very thought1 as though it was of yesterday1 and ,i am positively certain that ,i should have tightened my hold in proportion as the case became more desperate4 ,it pleased ,god that1 just then1 some men returning from work descried the figure of a little child stooping in a most dangerous position over the deep water3 they ran up1 and while one held me the other rescued the boy4 ,my grasp was not unloosed until they had him safe on shore3 he was then insensible1 and ,i lost every recollection until ,i found myself still in the arms of the man who had carried me in1 while my mother and the rest were stripping the rescued boy and chafing his limbs before a fire4 ,it was much talked of1 and many a caress ,i got for what they considered heroism beyond my years2 but what heroism is like love8 ,many waters cannot quench love1 neither can the floods drown it2 if a man would give all the substance of his house for love1 it would utterly be contemned4 ,when my brother departed for ,ireland1 we left that sweet cottage and went to reside in the village1 in one better suited to the size of our diminished family party4 ,i had several young friends among the cadets1 in whom ,i took a warm interest1 and whose occasional visits ,i endeavored to make as profitable to them as might be4 ,it is a sad thing to see a boy1 perhaps most carefully brought up by tender1 and even ,christian parents1 watched and kept as far as possible from all evil communication1 then thrown at once into a large public institution1 and exposed to every danger that can assail the youthful mind4 ,a little insight into human nature must show any candid person the extent of mischief to be expected4 ,rarely do we find a case of conversion1 with establishment in grace1 very early in life2 and where it exists as remarkably as in ,jack1 we may learn from his excessive dread of exposure to temptation how vigilantly the young plant should be guarded4 ,let us just suppose1 what is indeed no sketch of imagination1 but a slight sketch of acknowledged reality--let us suppose a boy at the age when they are eligible for those places1 acquainted with the truth1 accustomed to ,christian instruction1 taught to look into the word of ,god for daily direction1 and to seek in prayer the daily supply of needful grace3 consider him as having remained under the eye of ,christian parents1 or a schoolmaster who regards those committed to his care as immortal beings1 for whose well-doing while under his charge he is responsible to ,god1 and who therefore counsels them well1 and banishes to the utmost of his power1 vice and profaneness from among them2 affording them the usual domestic means of grace1 and seeing that they are not neglected3--thus prepared1 the lad enters upon a new scene1 where he finds himself surrounded by a large number of youthful companions1 all busy in qualifying themselves for a future career1 we will say in the service of their country4 ,the first thing done is to try the mettle of the new comer by putting upon him some insult1 which if he resents and offers to fight his way1 he may be looked on with some respect2 but if he appear timid1 or reluctant to retaliate1 he may be assured of becoming the object of a most harassing persecution for the amusement of the thoughtless and the gratification of the cruel4 ,in either case1 he passes an ordeal of great severity1 particularly during the night1 when nothing is deemed too rough or alarming for the poor stranger to encounter4 ,i appeal to those who have passed it1 whether this is not enough to turn the brain of a weak-minded youth1 or to injure severely the body of a delicate one3 ,i have myself known an instance1 in a great public seminary1 wherein derangement and death followed4 ,supposing this well got over1 the lad then finds that if there be any among his new comrades disposed to keep up the practice of reading the ,scriptures and praying1 they must do it as secretly as they would commit a murder1 and find it more difficult to accomplish than any crime that could be named4 ,there always will be a large proportion of ruffianly characters among many boys2 some naturally so1 others made so by example4 ,these have the ascendency of course1 and they will use it to check and to stifle whatever might shine in contrast to themselves2 while1 what with those unstable characters who always row with the stream1 and prudent ones who will not provoke hostility1 and timid ones who dare not1 they meet with little if any opposition1 but rule the whole mass for evil4 ,the youth1 we will believe1 sincerely desires to preserve his integrity2 but what can he do8 ,man in his best estate is a frail1 inconsistent being1 liable to be blown about by every breath of temptation1 even when unfettered1 and in full possession of all gospel privileges2 and what are we to expect from a boy who has never yet been left to himself1 or deprived of countenance and support8 ,he sees none watching over him1 he hears no kind admonitory voice inviting him to seek the way of peace and purity4 ,his nature is corrupt1 his heart is deceitful1 his soul cleaves to the dust1 and he finds that by following the bent of this perverse nature1 by gratifying its lowest propensities1 and revelling in unhallowed things1 he shall best purchase the good- fellowship of those who have it in their power to make his life miserable if he thwarts their will4 ,his conscience loudly protests1 and calls on him to pray2 but if he would do so1 where is he to retire for that purpose8 ,alone he cannot be2 he has no separate apartment1 and let those who have tried it say what would be the consequence of his kneeling down publicly to worship ,god4 ,he may do it silently and undiscovered in his bed2 yes1 if he can lift up his heart1 and realize the presence of the ,god of heaven1 while the language of hell resounds on every side4 ,even so1 he has an enemy within1 striving against the right principle1 and responding to all that his better feeling repudiates4 ,then1 too1 wherewithal shall the young man cleanse his way1 if not by ruling himself according to the word of ,god8 ,and how is he to study that word8 ,does the parent who puts a ,bible in his boy's portmanteau know that the most blasphemous tissue of ribaldry and all abomination1 would be a more suitable gift1 if it is intended that he should exhibit it8 ,these are awful questions1 to be well considered by those who are wavering as to the destination of a youth2 and they apply very widely throughout the land4 ,we all know the case of him whose heart has been swept and garnished2 and how much the last state is worse than the first1 when ,satan renters with his seven new companions4 ,the very checks of conscience render the fretted mind more restive2 and the longer restrained1 the more headlong is the wild gallop into which the chafed spirit at last breaks4 ,he who trembled at a profane word1 becomes an accomplished swearer2 he whose modesty was most retiring is foremost to glory in early depravity2 he whose hand was ever ready to relieve the poor1 while his heart sympathized in their sorrows1 becomes the wanton spoiler and marauder for the sake of a bold vaunt2 he who shrunk from the approach of profligate misleaders1 now volunteers to harden new comers in the ways of sin4 ,the youth who with noiseless step trod the courts of the ,lord's house1 and bent with lowly reverence in prayer1 and listened with fixed attention to the teacher's voice1 now delights in shaming others out of the semblance of devotion1 and feigns1 if he does not fall into it1 the profound sleep of a wholly uninterested actor in the tedious show of public worship4 ,perchance some friend whose proximity to the place admits of it may stretch out a helping hand1 or lift an admonitory voice1 or proffer a little encouragement to strengthen the things that remain1 and which are ready to die3 if so1 both the helper and the helped will be marked out for ridicule and reviling1 if for nothing worse4 ,honorable men1 after this world's course1 who are themselves wholly in the dark1 verily believing that religion would turn a youth's brain and unfit him for the active business of life1 will feel it a part of their duty to oppose every possible obstacle to such attempts at reclaiming the young wanderers under their charge4 ,i knew1 and knew right well1 an instance wherein a lady who strove to do good to the souls of some young lads whose parents she knew to be praying people1 had a sort of ban put upon her1 by the publication of an express order that they should not be again permitted to visit her2 and when a nobleman who well knew that she had not done any thing to merit such public condemnation1 asked the principal of the institution the reason for so harsh a proceeding1 he received this answer3 ,my lord1 ,i was sorry to do it2 ,i felt it a painful duty1 but an imperative one4 ,the fact is1 she got hold of some of the most promising lads under my care1 and so infected them with her own gloomy notions that1 ,i give you my word1 they were seen walking alone1 with ,bibles in their hands4 ,so much wiser are the children of this world in guarding those committed to them from the entrance of spiritual good1 than are the children of light in protecting their dearest treasures from the contamination of most deadly evil4 ,but to return to my cadets at ,sandhurst4 ,i had two young friends there1 both ,irish1 who were known to me from childhood2 both greatly attached to my brother2 both loving me dearly2 and many a happy hour we passed1 strolling over the wild heath1 or enjoying the cheerfulness of my cottage home4 ,on those two1 among many1 ,i looked with especial solicitude as to their future course2 and ,i have had to rejoice1 in different ways1 over them both4 ,one was early taken to his rest2 he died in the faith1 looking simply to the ,lord ,jesus1 and finding perfect peace in him4 ,the other was long away on foreign service1 and when next ,i saw him it was as the deliverer1 under ,god1 of a whole town1 and probably through that of the whole kingdom1 from a scene of revolutionary carnage4 ,he commanded the gallant little body of troops at ,newport who1 on the #dth of ,november1 #ahci1 quelled the ,chartist insurrection1 and broke the formidable power that menaced a general outbreak4 ,i cannot pass over this event1 it was so delightfully gratifying to me4 ,a third of those in whom ,i took a lively interest was ,alexander ,count ,calharez1 the eldest son of the ,duc de ,palmella4 ,he was a most elegant youth1 of fine mind1 delicate feelings1 and the sweetest manners possible4 ,devotedly attached to ,romanism1 he constantly attended mass at the house of the old abb1 who added to his professorship in the ,royal ,military ,college the duties of a ,popish priest4 ,it was a sore grief to me to see ,calharez pursuing his solitary way to that house1 while we took the road to the college chapel1 and met him half-way4 ,i longed to enter a solemn protest against his delusion1 but ,i never did it in direct terms1 though very often dwelling1 in his presence1 on the peculiar truths of ,christianity1 opposed as they are to the lie in which he trusted4 ,i hoped to have enjoyed many future opportunities of conversing with him1 for he always sought our society in preference to many things that appeared more attractive1 and took a lively interest in ,jack4 ,but the college did not suit his taste2 he left it soon and accompanied his father to ,portugal4 ,he died at the ,azores2 and ,i have been told that his hope at the last was one which maketh not ashamed4 ,he was the subject of many prayers2 the last day will tell whether they were answered4 ,but ,i cannot hasten through the heaviest part of my task2 it is the rending open of a wound never to heal until the leaves of the tree of life shall be laid upon it2 and if by any means ,i do attain to that resurrection from among the dead in which none but the ,lord's children shall partake1 surely the dear object of all this sorrow will be there beside me4 ,six months had passed since my brother's departure to ,ireland1 and all his letters were full of cheerfulness and pleasant anticipation4 ,on the subject where ,i most wished to know his feelings1 he was silent2 but a passage in one of his letters struck me greatly4 ,i had been suffering from a slight local pain1 which one of my medical friends erroneously pronounced to be a disease of the heart2 and in communicating this to him ,i had noticed1 that ,i must live in momentary expectation of sudden death4 ,his reply was very affectionate4 ,he said it had given him a great shock1 but on a little reflection he was convinced of its being altogether a nervous sensation2 adding1 ,if not1 why should you shrink from sudden death8 ,for my own part1 ,i should desire it1 as a short and easy passage out of this life4 ,a tremor came over me as ,i read these words2 but again ,i thought1 ,surely there is something on his mind to brighten that passage1 or he would not so express himself2 and the thought of many perils surrounding him quickened me to redoubled prayer that ,god would set his feet upon the ,rock of ages4 ,it was on a bright ,sabbath morning at the end of ,june1 that having rather overslept myself1 ,i found1 on awaking1 the letters brought by early post lying on my pillow4 ,i took one3 it was the ,horse ,guards envelope1 in which his letters usually came2 and in my eagerness to open one from him1 ,i did not even put up a prayer4 ,full of smiling anticipation1 ,i unfolded the enclosure1 which was from a most dear and valued friend at the ,horse ,guards2 and after some tender preparation1 which the sudden reeling of my terrified brain prevented my comprehending1 came the paralyzing sequel3 ,a letter had been received from ,mullingar--he was on the lake fishing--the boat overset4 ,i could not understand the meaning of the words2 but ,i understood the thing itself4 ,i sprung to my knees to cry for mercy on him--but ,oh1 that dreadful1 dreadful thought that pierced through my inmost soul--,he is beyond the reach of prayer4 ,i fell back as if really shot4 ,but what avails it to dwell on this8 ,i bore it as ,god enabled me2 ,i felt crushed1 annihilated as it were1 under the fierce wrath of the ,lord2 for to aggravate the blow1 ,i had no power to believe or to hope4 ,it was a light thing to have lost him1 my all in this cold1 dreary world1 who from early infancy had been as the light to my eyes1 and the life-blood to my heart--him who had so very lately been restored1 as if to show that while he remained all ,i could desire of earthly happiness was within my reach--him who had been to me instead of every other mortal blessing1 and to whom ,i looked for all that ,i dared hope of future comfort4 ,it was a light thing to have lost him1 and to look upon the anguish of his widowed mother1 to whom he had ever been more of a ministering angel than a son1 and upon the tears of his little daughter1 who had lost a father indeed4 ,all this was a small matter compared with the overwhelming horrors of that fearful thought1 that he had lost his soul4 ,i had fallen much into the common1 dangerous error of looking to my own faith rather than to the object of it for salvation2 and ,i did in my heart1 exceedingly glory in this supposed faith of mine4 ,the dreadful dispensation under which ,i was laid showed me at once1 that of faith ,i had not to the value of a grain of mustard-seed2 and now ,i felt the desolation of spirit which none can know who have not been so compelled to make such a discovery4 ,i did not rebel2 ,i owned the justice of ,god3 nay1 the very first words ,i could find breath to utter broke forth in the confession1 ,righteous art thou1 ,o ,lord2 just and true are thy ways1 ,o ,king of saints6 ,but it was a fearful trembling beneath the hand that had smote me2 and as for being contented to have it so1 ,i was not3 ,i do not wish that ,i had been contented to believe my brother was lost2 ,i do not understand that feeling1 nor wish to understand it2 for surely while we remain in the flesh1 we cannot divest ourselves of what ,god has interwoven with our very nature1 nor cease to feel for the spiritual1 the eternal interests of those most fondly endeared to us--a solicitude as great1 aye1 much greater1 than what we1 in our unconverted state1 once knew in regard to their temporal concerns4 ,i speak of those instances where1 after being ourselves brought to know the ,lord1 we have labored and prayed perseveringly for others1 and then have suddenly lost them4 ,i was not content to think that my prayers had been cast out3 ,i wanted some token that they had been answered4 ,blessed be the ,god of all mercies1 ,i was not disappointed4 99 99 99 ,meanwhile1 what a tenfold recompense for all the care bestowed on him did ,i reap in the beautiful sympathy of the dumb boy4 ,when ,i came down stairs that dreadful morning1 he met me with a face of such wild dismay as even then arrested my attention4 ,he uttered an audible ,oh6 of most touching tone1 and thus expressed the impossibility he felt of realizing the tidings3 ,jack what8 ,jack asleep8 ,jack see1 no--think1 no4 ,jack afraid1 very4 ,beautiful ,captain ,b---- gone8--dead8 ,what8 and he stamped with the impatience of that fearfully inquisitive what4 ,i answered1 ,captain ,b---- gone2 water kill--dead4 ,tears stole down his loving face as he responded1 ,poor mam6 ,mam one2 meaning ,i was now alone in the world4 ,god see poor mam one2 ,jesus ,christ love poor mam one4 ,with a feeling of bitter agony ,i asked him1 ,what8 ,jesus ,christ love ,captain ,b----8 ,yes1 he replied1 after a moment's solemn thought on the question1 ,yes1 ,jack much pray2 mam much pray2 ,jesus ,christ see much prays4 ,this was true comfort2 all the eloquence of all the pulpits in ,england could not have gone to my heart like that assurance1 that ,jesus ,christ had seen his many dumb prayers on behalf of that lost--,oh1 ,i could not1 even in the depth of my unbelieving heart1 say1 lost one4 ,i again asked the boy1 ,jack much prays8 ,he answered with solemn fervency1 ,very1 very much prays4 ,jack pray morning1 pray night2 ,jack pray church1 pray bed4 ,yes1 ,jack many days1 very1 pray ,god make--and he finished by signs1 that wings should be made to grow from my brother's shoulders1 for him to fly to heaven1 adding1 ,jesus ,christ must make the wings2 and then1 with a burst of delighted animation1 he told me that he was a very tall angel1 very beautiful4 ,i have repeated this conversation to show the broken language carried on between us2 and also how powerfully he expressed his thoughts4 ,soon after1 when ,i was nearly fainting1 a glass of water was held to my lips4 ,i am ashamed to say1 ,i dashed it down1 exclaiming1 ,that murderer6 ,jack caught my eye1 and echoing my feelings1 said1 in a bitter way1 ,bad water6 then with a look of exulting contempt at the remaining fluid1 he added1 ,soul gone water8 ,no6 ,this idea1 that the soul was not drowned1 electrified me2 so good is a word spoken in due season1 however trite a truism that word may be4 ,that night ,i pretended to go to bed1 that others might do so too2 and then ,i left my room1 went to my little study1 which was hung round with ,jack's sweet drawings1 and sat down1 resting my elbows on the table1 my face on my hands1 and so remained for a couple of hours4 ,day had scarcely broken1 brightly upon me1 about two in the morning1 when the door opened softly1 and ,jack entered1 only partially dressed1 his face deadly pale1 and altogether looking most piteously wretched4 ,he paused at the door1 saying1 ,jack sleep1 no2 ,jack sick1 head bad--no more see beautiful ,captain ,b----4 ,i could only shake my head1 and soon buried my face in my hands again4 ,however1 ,i still saw him through my fingers2 and after lifting up his clasped hands and eyes in prayer for me1 he proceeded to execute the purpose of his visit to that room4 ,softly1 stealthily1 he went round1 mounting a chair1 and unpinned from the wall every drawing that contained a ship1 a boat1 or water under any form of representation4 ,still peeping at me1 hoping he was not observed1 he completed this work1 which nothing but a mind refined to the highest degree of delicate tenderness could ever have prompted1 and then stopping at the door1 cast over his shoulder such a look of desolate sorrow at me1 that its very wretchedness poured balm into my heart4 ,oh what a heavenly lesson is that1 ,weep with them that do weep1 and how we fly in its face when going to the mourner with our inhuman1 cold- blooded exhortations to leave off grieving4 ,even ,job's tormenting friends gave him seven days' true consolation while they sat silent on the earth weeping with him4 ,but ,god put into the dumb boy's heart another mode of consolation1 which ,i must recount as a specimen of his exceedingly original and beautiful train of thought4 ,he used to tell his ideas to me as if they were things that he had seen3 and now he had a tale to relate1 the day after this1 which riveted my attention4 ,he told me my brother went on the lake in a little boat1 and while he was going along the devil got under it1 seized one side1 pulled it over1 and caught my brother1 drawing him down to the bottom1 which1 as he told me1 was deep1 deep1 and flames under it4 ,then ,jesus ,christ put his arm out of a cloud1 reached into the water1 took the soul out of the body1 and drew it into the sky4 ,when the devil saw the soul had escaped1 he let the body go1 and dived away1 crying1 ,jack said1 with rage1 while the men took it to land4 ,the soul1 he continued1 went up1 up1 up2 it was bright1 and brighter1 like sun--all light1 beautiful light4 ,at last he saw a gate1 and inside many angels looking out at him2 but two very small angels came running to meet the soul2 and when he saw them1 he took them up into his arms1 kissed them1 and carried them on towards the gate1 still kissing and caressing them4 ,i was amazed and utterly at a loss1 and said1 ,two angels8 ,what8 ,mam not know2 what8 ,he looked at me with a laugh of wonder2 pointed to my head and the wooden table1 and replied--his usual way of calling me stupid-- ,doll mam6 ,two small boys1 dead1 ,portugal4 ,my brother had lost two babes in ,portugal2 and thus exquisitely1 thus in all the beauty of true sublimity1 had the untaught deaf and dumb boy pictured the welcome they had given their father on approaching the gate of heaven4 ,a day or two after1 some kind1 sympathizing relations and friends being assembled at the dinner-table1 something cheerful was said1 which excited a general smile3 ,jack was in the act of handing a plate2 he looked round him with a face of stern indignation1 set down the plate1 said1 ,bad laughing6 and walked out of the room1 stopping at the door to add to me1 ,mam1 come3 no laughing6 ,gone2 dead4 ,i had not smiled2 and this jealous tenaciousness of such a grief1 on the part of an exceedingly cheerful boy1 was the means of soothing more than any other means could have done it1 the anguish of that wound which had pierced my very heart's core4 ,these were a small part of the munificent wages that my ,master gave me for nursing a child of his4 ,my first act had1 of course1 been to adopt my brother's son--the baby boy--now five years old1 who had been since he first showed his little round face in ,england1 my own peculiar treasure4 ,i begged him as a precious boon1 and for his sake bore up against the storm of sorrow that was rending me within4 ,jack fell into a decline1 through the depression of his spirits in seeing me suffer2 for to conceal it from one who read every turn of my countenance was impossible2 and ,i should have been well content to sink also1 but for the powerful motive set before me4 ,under ,god1 who gave him to me1 you may thank your young friend for what little service ,i may have rendered in the cause you love1 since #ahbh2 for the prospect which by the ,lord's rich mercy is so far realized1 of seeing him grow up a useful1 honorable member of society1 with right principles1 grounded on a scriptural education1 was what enabled me to persevere against every difficulty and every discouragement that could cross my path4 ,i set up a joyful ,ebenezer here2 and ,i ask your prayers that the blessing may be prolonged1 increased1 perfected1 even to the day when we shall all meet before the throne of ,god4 99 99 99 ,,letter ,,xii4 ,,employment4 ,how is it that ,christians so often complain they can find nothing to do for their ,master8 ,to hear some of them bemoaning their unprofitableness1 we might conclude that the harvest indeed is small1 and the laborers many4 ,so many servants out of employ is a bad sign2 and to obviate the difficulty complained of1 ,i purpose showing you two or three ways in which those who are so inclined may bestir themselves for the good of others4 ,what a blessing were a working church6 and by a church ,i mean1 the company of all faithful people1 whosoever and wheresoever they be4 ,in the village where ,i lived1 there was a very good national-school1 well attended2 also a ,sunday-school2 and the poorer inhabitants generally were of a respectable class1 with many of a higher grade1 such as small tradesmen1 and the families of those in subordinate offices about the ,military ,college4 ,i always took a great interest in the young2 and as love usually produces love1 there was no lack of affectionate feeling on their part4 ,it occurred to me1 as the ,sunday was much devoted by most of them to idling about1 that assembling such of them as wished it at my cottage would afford an opportunity for scriptural instruction2 and without any thing resembling a school1 or any regular proposal1 ,i found a little party of six or seven children assembled in the afternoon1 to hear a chapter read1 answer a few questions upon it1 and join in a short prayer4 ,making it as cheerful and unrestrained as possible1 ,i found my little guests greatly pleased2 and on the next ,sabbath my party was doubled1 solely through the favorable report spread by them4 ,one had asked me1 ,please1 ma'am1 may ,i bring my little sister8 and on the reply being given1 ,you may bring any body and every body you like1 a general beating up for recruits followed4 ,in three or four weeks my assemblage amounted to sixty1 only one half of whom could be crowded into the parlor of my small cottage4 ,what was to be done8 ,the work was rather arduous1 but as ,i too had been complaining not long before of having little to do for the ,lord1 except with the pen1 ,i resolved to brave a little extra labor4 ,i desired the girls to come at four1 the boys at six1 and allowing an interval of half an hour between1 we got through it very well4 ,a long table was set across the room1 from corner to corner2 round this they were seated1 each with a ,bible1 ,i being at the head of the table4 ,i found this easy and sociable way of proceeding highly gratified the children3 they never called1 never thought it a school--they came bustling in with looks of great glee1 particularly the boys1 and greeted me with the affectionate freedom of young friends4 ,a few words of introductory prayer were followed by the reading of one or more chapters1 so that each had a verse or two2 and then we talked over the portion of ,scripture very closely1 mutually questioning each other4 ,many of the girls were as old as sixteen or seventeen1 beautiful creatures1 and very well dressed3 and what a privilege it was so to gather and so to arm them in a place where1 alas1 innumerable snares beset their path4 ,we concluded with a hymn2 and long before the half-hour had expired that preceded the boys' entrance1 they were clustering like bees at the gate1 impatient for the joyous rush2 and to seat themselves round their dear table1 with all that free confidence without which ,i never could succeed in really commanding the attention of boys4 ,our choice of chapters was peculiar4 ,i found they wanted stirring subjects1 and ,i gave them ,gideon1 ,samson1 ,jonathan1 ,nehemiah1 ,boaz1 ,mordecai1 ,daniel1 all the most manly characters of ,old ,testament history1 with the rich gospel that lies wrapped in every page of that precious volume4 ,even in the ,new ,testament ,i found that individualizing as much as possible the speaker or the narrative produced1 great effects4 ,our blessed ,lord himself1 ,john the ,baptist1 ,paul--all were brought before them as vividly as possible2 and ,i can assure those who try to teach boys as they would teach girls1 that they are pursuing a wrong method4 ,mine have often coaxed an extra hour from me2 and ,i never once saw them willing to go1 during the fifteen months of our happy meetings4 ,if the least symptom of unruliness appeared1 ,i had only to tell them they were my guests1 and ,i appealed to their feelings of manliness1 whether a lady had not some claim to forbearance and respect4 ,nothing rights a boy of ten or twelve years like putting him on his manhood2 and really my little lads became gentlemen in mind and manners1 while1 blessed be ,god1 not a few became1 ,i trust1 wise unto salvation4 ,their greatest temptation to disorderly doings was in the laughable1 authoritative style of ,jack's superintendence4 ,he was now rapidly fading1 but in mind brighter than ever4 ,seated in a large chair1 a little to the rear of me1 he kept strict watch over the party1 and any deviation from what he considered correct conduct was noticed with a threat of punishment1 conveyed by pinching his own ear1 slapping his own face1 kicking out his foot1 and similar indications of chastisement1 with a knowing nod at the offender4 ,but if he saw an approach to levity over the word of ,god1 his manner wholly changed4 ,tears filled his eyes1 he looked all grief and entreaty1 and the words1 ,god see1 were earnestly spelled on his uplifted hands4 ,no one could stand the appeal2 and very rarely had he occasion to make it4 ,i am sure his prayers helped forward the work mightily4 ,it was wonderful to see thirty-two robust1 boisterous fellows1 from nine to seventeen years old1 sitting in perfect delight and perfect order1 for two and even three hours1 on a fine ,sunday evening1 never looking dissatisfied till they were told to go4 ,i cannot help recording an event on which ,i look back with great thankfulness1 though it was a terrible trial to me at the time4 ,two of my boys had a quarrel one week-day4 ,one of them was very teasing1 the other very passionate4 ,the latter ran to a butcher's window close by1 seized the large knife1 and plunged it into the left side of his companion4 ,most mercifully the wound was not dangerous3 the keenness of the knife was in his favor2 it penetrated to within a short distance of the heart1 but separated no large vein1 and within a few days the boy was out again4 ,the ,sunday after it occurred my party were exceedingly moved2 they expressed great anger1 and not a few threats were1 uttered against the culprit1 whose parents had locked him up4 ,on the following ,sabbath ,i resolved to make an effort to avert bad consequences1 and also to arrest the poor boy in his dangerous course4 ,he had rather justified himself than otherwise1 and had shown a spirit sadly unsubdued1 and unthankful for his escape from a deadly crime and its awful consequences4 ,i sent word to him to come to my party3 he replied he would not4 ,i repeated the summons1 saying ,i should be exceedingly hurt if he did not4 ,no answer was returned4 ,the place next but one to me belonged to the wounded boy1 that below it to his assailant2 and the former was present1 pale1 indeed1 but well4 ,i lost no time in announcing to them that ,i expected ,p----1 which occasioned a burst of indignation1 some saying they would not stay in the room with him1 and the rest seeming to assent4 ,then1 said ,i1 you must go1 for he wants instruction most3 and the very feeling that makes you shrink from associating with him proves that you are better taught4 ,so if you will leave me1 do2 ,i must admit him4 ,just then ,p---- was seen coming down the little garden3 he entered1 his walk very erect1 his eyes unflinching1 and his dark brows knitted4 ,the looks of my young lads were very eloquent2 his bold bearing exasperated them much4 ,my heart seemed bursting its boundary with the violent palpitation of alarm1 and other emotions which ,i could scarcely suppress2 but ,i motioned to ,p---- to take his usual place1 and instantly rising offered up the usual prayer1 with a petition for the spirit of mutual compassion1 forgiveness1 and love4 ,i ceased1 all remained standing1 and certainly it was a period of most fearful interest4 ,i looked imploringly at the wounded boy2 he hesitated a moment1 then suddenly turned1 and with an air of noble frankness1 held out his hand to ,p----1 who took it directly4 ,i then offered him mine2 he grasped it1 and burst into tears4 ,a delightful scene followed1 each pressing to seal his forgiveness in the same manner1 while ,jack's countenance shone with almost heavenly beauty on a spectacle so congenial to his loving heart4 ,we had a most happy evening1 and ,i could not but tell my dear boys how much ,i rejoiced over them4 ,whatever may have been the effect on the characters of those concerned1 ,i know not4 ,i am persuaded the proceeding was a means of averting much mischief4 ,boys are noble creatures when placed on their right footing2 but they are pugnacious animals and require prudent management4 ,news was brought me one evening1 while they waited for admission1 that two of them had stripped off their jackets to fight1 the dispute being which loved their teacher most4 ,exclude them both to- night1 said a friend1 and threaten to expel them4 ,instead of which1 ,i sent word that the one who first put on his jacket loved me most1 and that ,i was ready to begin4 ,in they both came1 smiling1 and they got their lecture in due time1 when a passage in point came before us4 ,now1 who complains of non-employment while there are so many neglected children1 and so many who1 in the dull routine of a school1 get only a mechanical knowledge of what would deeply interest them if brought before them with the help of a little personal condescension and care8 ,it is a branch of ,christian duty for which all are competent who know the gospel2 and two1 three1 or four young people invited to come in for an hour or so at stated times1 to sit down at a table and talk over the passages of ,scripture which may appear best calculated to engage their pleased attention1 may often prove the foundation for a noble work4 99 99 99 ,ladies do not like to instruct boys3 they are very wrong4 ,female influence is a powerful thing1 and freely exerted for evil--why not for good8 ,we brought sin into the world1 involving man in the ruin he was not the first to seek2 and it is the least we can do to offer him a little good now4 ,i never yet met with a boy--and thanks be to ,god ,i have taught many--who would be rude to a female earnestly and kindly seeking his welfare1 without attempting to crush that independence of spirit which is man's prerogative1 and which no woman has a right to crush4 ,i need not say that in the foregoing1 and in all similar works where the ,lord permitted me to engage1 ,i labored diligently to make my young friends something more than nominal ,protestants4 ,to omit this1 in giving instruction1 is the very madness of inconsistent folly and cruelty4 ,a few weeks after the commencement of my weekly assemblages1 ,i was called to the metropolis in search of medical aid for a dear little child of my brother's4 ,i found it1 and all that ,christian kindness could add to render it doubly valuable1 at the hands of an estimable physician1 near whom ,i resolved to stay for a few weeks2 and while secretly lamenting that here1 at least1 ,i should find nothing to do1 an answer was given to my unbelief that might well shame it4 ,to the same end ,i will record this also1 the circumstances being already well known1 but not the delightful encouragements that are afforded when a project is entered upon in single1 simple reliance on the help of ,him for whose glory his people desire to work4 ,unbelief in his willingness--for we dare not doubt his power to prosper our poor attempts--is the real bar to our success4 ,such mistrust is infinitely dishonoring to him4 ,six years had elapsed since ,i left ,ireland1 but my affection for the country and people was unchanged1 unchangeable4 ,the very centre of the isle had become the grave of my beloved brother1 and this only added tenfold to the touching interest excited by the very mention of that land4 ,strange to say1 ,i had never heard of the ,irish ,society1 nor considered of what vast importance it would be to make the language of the natives a medium of conveying spiritual instruction to them4 ,the annual meeting was about to be held1 and among the ,irish clergymen forming the deputation to ,london1 was the ,rev4 ,charles ,seymour1 the venerable and every-way estimable pastor under whose ministry my brother had been placed at ,castlebar1 and from whom ,i had received letters1 fully confirmatory of my sanguine hope that he had indeed and wholly embraced the gospel of ,christ4 ,longing to see ,mr4 ,seymour1 ,i went to him on the morning of the meeting2 and most sweet was the testimony he had to give2 most tender the sympathy he evinced in all my sorrow and all my gladness4 ,after a conversation that left me overflowing with gratitude for the blessings vouchsafed to my precious brother1 he asked me to attend the meeting1 and ,i went prepared to take a lively interest in whatever might be said respecting ,ireland4 ,how great was my astonishment when1 for the first time1 ,i heard the story of ,bishop ,bedell1 of the ,irish ,bible1 and of the good work in rapid progress among the aborigines of the land4 ,the extent and inveteracy of the disease1 ,i well knew2 but the suitability of the remedy had never been set before me4 ,in fact1 ,i hardly knew that the ,irish was a written language2 and strange it seemed1 to have passed three years in a part of the country where it is extensively spoken1 and in the house of one who always conversed in that tongue with the rustic frequenters of her shop1 yet to be so grossly ignorant of all relating to it4 ,i resolved to become an active partisan of the ,irish ,society in ,ireland2 but a different turn was soon given to my sympathies4 ,mr4 ,seymour spoke after the others3 he said much calculated to prove the power of the language in preaching the gospel2 but suddenly reverting to the state of the many thousands of his poor countrymen congregated in ,london1 he drew a most affecting picture of their destitute1 degraded condition4 ,he appealed to us as ,christians2 and reminding us of our many privileges1 bade us take care that the souls of his poor countrymen did not rise up in judgment to condemn us for allowing them to perish in the heart of our metropolis4 ,open1 he said1 a bread-shop in ,st4 ,giles's2 deal forth a little of the bread of life to their starving souls4 ,ye ,english ,christians1 ,i appeal to you for them3 ,oh1 pity my poor lost countrymen1 open but a bread-shop in ,st4 ,giles's6 ,tears ran down his venerable face1 as he lifted his clasped hands1 and bent towards us4 ,the effect of his words on me was electric3 ,i looked at him1 and silently but fervently said1 ,so ,god help me as ,i will open you a bread-shop in ,st4 ,giles's1 if ,he does but permit6 ,again and again did ,i repeat the pledge2 and when ,lord ,roden spoke--the first time of my seeing that noble ,irishman--and heartily seconded the appeal1 ,i renewed the secret promise1 with such purpose of heart as rarely fails to accomplish its object4 ,for some days ,i tried in vain to do any thing towards it2 but on the ,sunday1 passing from ,great ,russell-street to ,long-acre1 through the worst part of ,st4 ,giles's1 ,i saw the awful state of that district1 and declared to my companion1 himself a devoted ,irishman1 my fixed resolve to have a church there4 ,he warmly encouraged it1 extravagant as the idea appeared2 and ,i began to pray earnestly for direction from above4 ,two nights after1 a thought struck me2 ,i wrote an appeal on behalf of the miserable ,irish ,papists in that place1 likening their case among us to that of ,lazarus lying at the rich man's gate1 and imploring means to give them the gospel in their own tongue4 ,this ,i had printed1 and sent copies as ,i could to various friends4 ,some smiled at my enthusiasm2 others pointed out the work among distant heathen as far more important4 ,many wished me success2 a few rebuked me for desiring to proselytize the members of another church2 and still fewer gave me money4 ,at the end of a fortnight's hard begging1 ,i had got just seven pounds towards building a church6 ,this was slow work4 ,one day1 dining at the table of my dear friend ,dr4 ,p----1 he heard many bantering me for being so sanguine1 and said1 ,you remind me of ,columbus going to the cathedral of ,seville to ask a blessing on his romantic project of discovering a new world4 ,everybody laughed at him4 ,nevertheless1 ,columbus succeeded1 and so will you4 ,at that moment a gentleman sitting next me laid a sovereign on my piece of bread2 and the coincidence of the gold and the bread-shop1 combined with the doctor's confident prediction1 put new life into me1 and ,i boldly said1 ,i ,,will succeed4 ,with the sum of seven pounds in hand1 ,i wrote to the bishop of ,lichfield and ,coventry1 begging him to ask the bishop of ,london if he would license my ,irish church and an ,irish clergyman1 if ,i provided both4 ,lord ,mountsandford took this letter to him1 and the next day he brought me this rather startling message3 ,the bishop of ,london will license your church3 ,lichfield sends his love to you1 and desires you will summon the gentlemen who are assisting you in this undertaking--half a dozen or so --to meet him in ,sackville-street on ,saturday next1 and be there yourself4 ,he will see what can be done to forward it4 ,half a dozen gentlemen6 where was ,i to find them8 ,my only helpers were ,mr4 ,maxwell1 ,dr4 ,pidduck1 and ,lord ,mountsandford himself4 ,however1 ,i went to work1 praying incessantly1 and solacing myself with that beautiful text1 ,go up to the mountain1 and bring wood and build the house2 and ,i will take pleasure in it1 and ,i will be glorified1 saith the ,lord4 ,i suppose ,i repeated that verse a hundred times a day1 in my solitude1 attending the sick child and writing letters till ,i nearly fell from my seat with exhaustion4 ,saturday arrived3 ,i had no idea how far my applications might have succeeded2 but if ,i had as many gentlemen there as pounds in my treasury1 namely1 seven1 it would be sufficient4 ,i went trembling with hope and fear1 accompanied by two warmhearted young ,irish barristers whom my good friend ,mr4 ,maxwell had pressed into the service4 ,oh what could ,i render unto the ,lord for all his goodness to me1 when ,i saw the glorious spectacle presented to my view at the hour appointed6 ,there sat the good ,bishop ,ryder in the chair2 beside him the bishop of ,bath and ,wells2 lords ,lorton1 ,lifford1 ,bexley1 ,mountsandford1 and ,carberry2 and of other clergymen and gentlemen upwards of forty4 ,let us ask a blessing1 said the bishop of ,lichfield2 and when1 we all kneeled down to commit unto the ,,lord a work so new1 so strange1 and to poor human reason so hopelessly wild as this had appeared two days before1 ,i thought ,i might as well die then as not2 ,i could never die happier4 ,all was zeal1 love1 unanimity2 they placed it on a good basis1 and my seven pounds were multiplied by more than seven before we broke up4 ,they did not take the work out of my hands1 but formed themselves into a body for aiding in carrying it on3 the rector of ,st4 ,giles's came forward voluntarily to give his hearty consent1 and ten pounds2 and if there was a pillow of roses in ,london that night1 ,i surely slept on it4 ,in six weeks my memorable seven pounds swelled to thirteen hundred2 a church was bought1 a pastor engaged2 and a noble meeting held in ,freemason's ,hall1 to incorporate the new project with the ,irish ,society4 ,i went back to ,sandhurst elated with joy1 and lost no time in putting up1 most conspicuously written out on card1 over my study fireplace1 the lines that ,i had so often repeated during the preceding two months3 ,victorious ,faith1 the promise sees1 ,and looks to ,god alone2 ,laughs at impossibilities1 ,and says1 ',,it ,,shall ,,be ,,done6 ,in the following ,november the ,irish ,episcopal church in ,st4 ,giles's was opened for divine service on ,advent ,sunday1 the ,rev4 ,h4,h4 ,beamish officiating4 ,a more eloquent and fluent preacher1 a more gifted and devoted man1 the whole church of ,god could not have supplied4 ,he preached the whole gospel in ,irish to the listening1 wondering people1 who hung with delight upon accents so dear to them2 and he attacked their pestilent heresies with the bold faithfulness of one who meant what he said1 when vowing to drive away all erroneous and strange doctrines from those under his charge4 ,god blessed most richly his ministry3 many were awakened1 several truly converted to ,christ1 and not a small number fully convinced of the falsehood of their own superstition1 which they forsook4 ,we had forty communicants from among the most wretchedly ignorant and bigoted of the ,irish ,romanists1 before ,mr4 ,beamish left his post2 and one of them had even endured a cruel martyrdom for the truth's sake4 ,a bread-shop in deed it was3 and the old ,christian1 whose fervent appeal had given rise to its establishment1 himself preached there in ,irish to a delighted congregation1 before the ,lord took him to himself4 99 99 99 ,,letter ,,xiii4 ,a ,,sunset4 ,i come now to the period of my delivering up a sacred trust into the hands of ,him who committed it to me4 ,jack had lingered long1 and sunk very gradually2 but now he faded apace4 ,his eldest sister1 a very decided ,romanist1 came over for the purpose of seeing him1 and to take care that he had the rites of the church4 ,had the abb remained1 it is probable we should have soon found ourselves deep in controversy2 for1 as priest1 he never should have crossed my threshold1 to bring upon my house the curse attached to idolatrous worship3 and there was happily no other within reach4 ,jack requested me to promise him in his sister's presence that no ,romish priest should come near him3 ,i willingly did so2 and moreover informed her that if she was herself dying and asked for one1 he would not be admitted under my roof4 ,the abomination that maketh desolate stands in many places where it ought not1 but where ,i have authority it never did1 nor by ,god's grace ever shall4 ,i have toleration full and free for every form of ,christianity1 but none for antichrist1 come in what form he may4 ,it may be possible to describe a glorious summer sunset1 with all the softening splendor that it sheds around2 but to describe the setting of my dumb boy's sun of mortal life is impossible4 ,he declined like the orb of day1 gently1 silently1 gradually1 yet swiftly1 and gathered new beauties as he approached the horizon4 ,his sufferings were great1 but far greater his patience2 and nothing resembling a complaint ever escaped him4 ,when appearing in the morning1 with pallid1 exhausted looks1 if asked whether he had slept1 he would reply1 with a sweet smile1 ,no1 ,jack no sleep2 ,jack think good ,jesus ,christ see poor ,jack4 ,night dark2 heaven all light2 soon see heaven4 ,cough much now1 pain bad2 soon no cough1 no pain4 ,this was his usual way of admitting how much he suffered1 always placing in contrast the glory to be revealed in him1 and which1 seemed already revealed to him4 ,knowing that his recovery was impossible1 ,i refrained1 with his full concurrence1 from having him tormented with miscalled alleviations1 such as opiates1 bloodletting1 and so forth4 ,all that kindness and skill could effect was gratuitously done for him1 and every thing freely supplied by our medical friends2 but they admitted that no permanent relief could be given1 and ,i always hold it cruel to imbitter the dying season with applications that in the end increase the sufferings they temporarily subdue4 ,this plan kept the boy's mind clear and calm2 the ever-present ,saviour being to him instead of all soothing drugs4 ,sometimes when greatly oppressed1 he has had leeches2 and ,i remember once half a dozen were put on his side1 at his own request4 ,the inflammation was very great2 the torture dreadful as they drew it to the surface2 and ,i was called to him1 as he sat grasping the arm of a chair1 and writhing convulsively4 ,he said to me1 ,very1 very pain2 pain bad1 soon kill2 and he seemed half wild with agony4 ,looking up in my face1 he saw me in tears2 and instantly assumed his sweetest expression of countenance1 saying in a calm1 leisurely way1 that his pain was much1 but the pain the ,lord suffered much more3 his was only in his side2 the ,lord suffered in his side1 his hands1 his feet1 and head4 ,his pain would be over in half an hour1 the ,lord's lasted many hours2 he was bad ,jack1 the ,lord was good ,jesus ,christ4 ,then again he observed the leeches made very little holes in his skin1 and drew out a little blood2 but the thorns1 the nails1 the spear1 tore the ,lord's flesh1 and all his blood gushed out--it was shed to save him2 and he raised his eyes1 lifted his clasped hands1 turned his whole face up towards heaven1 saying1 ,jack loves1 loves1 very loves good ,jesus ,christ6 ,when another violent pang made him start and writhe a little1 he recovered in a moment1 nodded his head1 and said1 ,good pain1 make ,jack soon go heaven4 ,his sublime idea of the red hand was ever present4 ,he had told me some years before1 that when he had lain a good while in the grave1 ,god would call aloud1 ,jack6 and he would start1 and say1 ,yes1 me ,jack4 ,then he would rise1 and see multitudes standing together1 and ,god sitting on a cloud with a very large book in his hand--he called it ,bible book--and would beckon him to stand before him while he opened the book1 and looked at the top of the pages1 till he came to the name of ,john ,b----4 ,in that page he told me1 ,god had written all his bads1 every sin he had ever done3 and the page was full4 ,so ,god would look1 and strive to read it1 and hold it to the sun for light1 but it was all no1 no nothing1 none4 ,i asked him in some alarm if he had done no bad4 ,he said yes1 much bads2 but when he first prayed to ,jesus ,christ he had taken the book out of ,god's hand1 found that page1 and pulling from his palm something which he described as filling up the hole made by the nail1 had allowed the wound to bleed a little1 passing his hand down the page so that1 as he beautifully said1 ,god could see none of ,jack's bads1 only ,jesus ,christ's blood4 ,nothing being thus found against him1 ,god would shut the book1 and there he would remain standing before him1 till the ,lord ,jesus came1 and saying to ,god1 ,my ,jack1 would put his arm around him1 draw him aside1 and bid him stand with the angels till the rest were judged4 ,all this he told me with the placid but animated look of one who is relating a delightful fact3 ,i stood amazed1 for rarely had the plan of a sinner's ransom1 appropriation1 and justification1 been so perspicuously set forth in a pulpit1 as here it was by a poor deaf and dumb peasant boy1 whose broken language was eked out by signs4 ,he often told it to others1 always making himself understood1 and often have ,i seen the tears starting from a rough man's eye as he followed the glowing representation4 ,jack used to sit silent and thoughtful for a long time together in his easy-chair1 when too weak to move about1 and then catching my eye1 to say with a look of infinite satisfaction1 ,good red hand4 ,i am persuaded that it was his sole and solid support2 he never doubted1 never feared1 because his view of ,christ's all-sufficiency was so exceedingly clear and realizing4 ,it certainly never entered his head to question ,god's love to him4 ,one night a servant went to his room1 long after he had gone to bed3 he was on his knees at the window1 his hands and face held up towards a beautiful starlight sky4 ,he did not perceive the servant's entrance3 and next morning when ,i asked him about it1 he told me that ,god was walking above1 upon the stars2 and that he went to the window and held up his head that ,god might look down into it and see how very much he loved ,jesus ,christ4 ,all his ideas were similar--all turned on the one theme so dear to him2 and their originality was inexhaustible4 ,what could be finer than his notion of the lightning1 that it was produced by a sudden opening and shutting of ,god's eye--or of the rainbow1 that it was the reflection of ,god's smile8 ,what more graphic than his representation of ,satan's malice and impotence1 when1 one evening1 holding his finger to a candle1 he snatched it back1 as if burnt1 pretending to be in great pain1 and said1 ,devil like candle4 ,then with a sudden look of triumph he added1 ,god like wind1 and with a most vehement puff at once extinguished the light4 ,when it was rekindled he laughed and said1 ,god kill devil4 ,he told me that ,god was always sitting still with the great book in his hand1 and the ,lord ,jesus looking down for men1 and crying to them1 ,come1 man2 come1 pray4 ,that the devil drew them back from listening1 and persuaded them to spit up towards him1 which was his sign for rebellion and contempt2 but if at last a man snatched his hand from ,satan1 and prayed to the ,lord ,jesus1 he went directly1 took the book1 found the name1 and passed the red hand over the page2 on seeing which ,satan would stamp and cry4 ,he gave very grotesque descriptions of the evil spirit's mortification1 and always ended by bestowing on him a hearty kick4 ,from seeing the effect1 in point of watchfulness1 prayer1 and zeal1 produced on this young ,christian by such continual realization of the presence of the great tempter1 ,i have been led to question very much the policy1 not to say the lawfulness1 of excluding that terrible foe as we do from our general discourse4 ,it seems to be regarded a manifest impropriety to name him1 except with the most studied circumlocution1 as though we were afraid of treating him irreverently2 and he who is seldom named will not often be thought of4 ,assuredly it is a great help to him in his countless devices to be so kept out of sight4 ,we are prone to speak1 to think1 to act1 as though we had only our own evil natures to contend with1 including perhaps a sort of general admission that something is at work to aid the cause of rebellion2 but it was far otherwise with ,jack4 ,if only conscious of the inward rising of a sullen or angry temper1 he would immediately conclude that the devil was trying to make him grieve the ,lord2 and he knelt down to pray that ,god would drive him away4 ,the sight of a drunken man affected him deeply3 he would remark that the devil had drawn that man to the ale- house1 put the cup into his hand with an assurance that ,god did not see1 or did not care2 and was now pushing him about to show the angels he had made that wretched being spit at the authority of the ,lord4 ,in like manner with all other vices1 and some seeming virtues4 ,as an instance of the latter1 he knew a person who was very hostile to the gospel1 and to the best of his power hindered it1 but who nevertheless paid the most punctual regard to all the formalities of external public worship4 ,he almost frightened me by the picture he drew of that person's case1 saying the devil walked to church with him1 led him into a pew1 set a hassock prominently forward for him to kneel on1 put a handsome prayer- book into his hand2 and while he carefully followed all the service kept clapping him on the shoulder1 saying1 ,a very good pray4 ,i told this to a pious minister1 who declared it was the most awfully just description of self-deluding formality1 helped on by ,satan1 that ever he heard of4 ,when partaking of the ,lord's supper1 ,jack told me that his feeling was very1 very love ,jesus ,christ2 very1 very1 very hate devil3 go1 devil6 and with holy indignation he motioned1 as it were1 the enemy from him4 ,he felt that he had overcome the accuser by the blood of the ,lamb4 ,oh that we all may take a lesson of wisdom from this simple child of ,god4 ,during the winter months he sunk daily3 his greatest earthly delight was in occasionally seeing ,mr4 ,donald1 for whom he felt the fondest love1 and who seemed to have a presentiment of the happy union in which they would together soon rejoice before the ,lord4 ,jack was courteous in manner1 even to elegance2 most graceful2 and being now nineteen1 tall and large1 with the expression of infantine innocence and sweetness on a very fine countenance1 no one could look on him without admiration1 nor treat him with roughness or disrespect3 but ,donald's tenderness of manner was no less conspicuous than his2 and ,i have watched that noble- minded ,christian man waiting on the dying youth1 as he sat patiently reclining in his chair--for he could not lie down--and the grateful humility with which every little kindness was received1 until ,i almost forgot what the rude unfeeling world was in that beautiful contemplation4 ,how much the fruit in ,god's garden is beautified by the process that ripens it4 ,jack labored anxiously to convert his sister2 and as she could not read at all1 the whole controversy was carried on by signs4 ,mary was excessively mirthful1 ,jack unboundedly earnest2 and when her playful reproaches roused his ,irish blood1 the scene was often very comic4 ,i remember he was once bringing a long list of accusations against her priest1 for taking his mother's money1 making the poor fast while the rich paid for dispensations to eat1 inflicting cruel penances1 drinking too much whiskey1 and finally telling the people to worship wooden and breaden gods4 ,to all this ,mary attended with perfect good-humor1 and then told him the same priest had christened him and made crosses upon him4 ,jack wrathfully intimated that he was then a baby1 with a head like a doll's1 and knew nothing2 but if he had been wise he would have kicked his little foot into the priest's mouth4 ,the controversy grew so warm that ,i had to part them4 ,his horror of the priests was solely directed against their false religion2 when ,i told him of one being converted1 he leaped about for joy4 ,at the commencement of the year #ahca he was evidently dying2 and we got a furlough for his brother to visit him4 ,poor ,pat never went to bed but twice during the fortnight he was there1 so bitterly did he grieve over the companion of his early days2 and many a sweet discourse passed between them on the subject of the blessed hope that sustained the dying ,christian4 ,he only survived ,pat's departure four days4 ,on the third of ,february the last symptoms came on2 the death-damps began to ooze out1 his legs were swelled to the size of his body1 and he sat in that state1 incapable of receiving warmth1 scarcely able to swallow1 yet clear1 bright1 and tranquil1 for thirty hours4 ,the morning of the last day was marked by such a revival of strength that he walked across the room with little help1 and talked incessantly to me1 and to all who came near him4 ,he told me1 among other things1 that once ,god destroyed all men by rain1 except those in the ark2 and that he would soon do it again1 not with water but with fire4 ,he described the ,lord as taking up the wicked by handfuls1 breaking them1 and throwing them into a fire2 repeating1 ,all bads1 all bads go fire4 ,i asked if he was not bad2 ,yes1 ,jack bad very4 ,would he be thrown into the fire8 ,no2 ,jesus ,christ loves poor ,jack4 ,he then spoke rapturously of the red hand1 of the angels he should soon be singing with1 of the day when ,satan should be cast into the pit1 and of the delight he should have in seeing me again4 ,he prayed for his family1 begged me to teach ,mary to read the ,bible1 to warn ,pat against bad example1 to bring up my brother's boys to love ,jesus ,christ1 and lastly he repeated over and over again the fervent injunction to love ,ireland1 to pray for ,ireland1 to write books for ,jack's poor ,ireland1 and in every way to oppose ,popery4 ,he called it ,roman1 always2 and it was a striking sight1 that youth all but dead1 kindling into the most animated1 stern1 energetic warmth of manner1 raising his cold1 damp hands1 and spelling with them the words1 ,roman is a lie4 ,one ,jesus ,christ1 one1 meaning he was the only ,saviour2 ,jack's one ,jesus ,christ2 and then with a force as if he would have the characters impressed on his hands1 he reiterated1 as slowly as possible1 his dying protest1 ,roman is ,a ,,lie6 ,very sweetly he thanked me for all my care2 and now he seemed to bequeath to me his zeal against the destroyer of his people4 ,the last signs of removal came on in the evening2 his sight failed1 he rubbed his eyes1 shook his head1 and then smiled with conscious pleasure4 ,at last he asked me to let him lie down on the sofa where he had been sitting1 and saying very calmly1 ,a sleep1 put his hand into mine1 closed his eyes1 and breathed his spirit forth so gently1 that it was difficult to mark the precise moment of that joyful change4 ,i still hope to throw into a volume the numerous particulars that remain untold concerning this boy2 and ,i will not now dwell upon the subject longer4 ,god had graciously kept me faithful to my trust2 and ,i surrendered it1 not without most keenly feeling the loss of such a companion1 but with a glow of adoring thankfulness that overcame all selfish regrets4 ,thenceforth my lot was to be cast among strangers1 and sorely did ,i miss the comforting1 sympathizing monitor who for seven years had been teaching me more than ,i could teach him2 but all my prayers had been answered1 all my labors crowned2 and with other duties before me ,i was enabled to look at the past1 to thank ,god1 and to take courage4 ,,letter ,,xiv4 ,a ,,removal4 ,circumstances led me to decide on removing nearer the metropolis2 and with reluctance ,i bade adieu to ,sandhurst1 where ,i had resided five years4 ,jack was buried under the east window of the ,chapel of ,ease at ,bagshot1 there to rest till roused by the ,lord's descending shout1 the voice of the archangel1 and the trump of ,god4 ,i am very certain he will rise to glory and immortality4 ,it was a severe trial to part with my school1 to dispose of the endeared relics that had furnished a home blessed by my brother's presence1 to bid farewell to many kind friends1 and cast myself into the great wilderness of ,london4 ,the feeling that oppressed me was a conviction that ,i should there find nothing to do2 but ,i prayed to be made useful1 and none ever asked work of a heavenly ,master in vain4 ,the dreadful famine in the west of ,ireland had called forth a stream of ,english liberality1 and collections were made everywhere for relief of the suffering ,irish3 one was announced at ,long- ,acre chapel2 but before the day arrived1 the committee put forth a statement that they had abundant funds and required no more4 ,i was then residing in ,bloomsbury1 daily witnessing the wretchedness of ,st4 ,giles's3 and on learning this ,i wrote to ,mr4 ,howels1 begging him to say a word to his congregation on behalf of those ,irish who were starving at their doors1 whose miserable destitution ,i laid before him as well as ,i could4 ,he returned me no answer2 but on the ,sunday morning read my letter from the pulpit1 asked his flock to contribute1 and collected upwards of fifty pounds1 which he gave to me4 ,knowing the character of the people so well1 and longing to make the relief of their bodily wants subservient to a higher purpose1 ,i resolved to visit in person every case recommended to my notice4 ,many of my friends stood aghast at the proposal3 ,i should be insulted1 murdered1 by the ,irish savages2 no lady could venture there1 their language was so dreadful3 no delicate person could survive the effects of such a noxious atmosphere4 ,to this ,i replied that1 happily1 ,i could not hear their conversation2 and as for the unwholesomeness1 it could not be worse than ,sierra ,leone1 or other missionary stations1 where many ladies went4 ,insult had never yet been my lot among the ,irish2 and as to murder1 it would be martyrdom in such a cause1 of which ,i had little hope4 ,so ,i turned my fifty pounds into bread1 rice1 milk1 meal1 coals1 and soup1 resolved to give no money1 and on the very next day commenced the campaign against starvation and ,popery in ,st4 ,giles's4 ,for four months ,i persevered in the work1 devoting from four to six hours every day to it2 and though ,i never in the smallest degree concealed or compromised the truth1 or failed to place in the strongest light its contrast with the falsehoods taught them1 ,i never experienced a disrespectful or unkind look from one among the hundreds1 the thousands who knew me as the enemy of their religion1 but the loving friend of their country and of their souls4 ,often1 when ,i went to visit and relieve some poor dying creature in a cellar or garret1 where a dozen wholly unconnected with the sufferer were lodged in the same apartment1 have ,i gathered them all about me by speaking of ,ireland with the affection ,i really feel for it1 and then shown them1 from the ,scriptures1 in ,english1 or by means of an ,irish reader sometimes accompanying me1 the only way of salvation1 pointing out how very different was that by which they vainly sought it4 ,my plan was to discover such as were too ill to go to the dispensary for relief1 or to select the most distressed objects whom ,i met there1 and to take the bread of life along with the bread that perisheth into their wretched abodes4 ,i was most ably and zealously helped by that benevolent physician who had always been foremost in every good and compassionate work for the ,irish poor2 and to whose indefatigable zeal it is chiefly owing that at this day the poor lambs of that distressed flock are still gathered and taught in the schools which it was ,donald's supreme delight to superintend4 ,i cannot pass over in silence the devotion of ,dr4 ,pidduck1 through many years1 to an office the most laborious1 the most repulsive1 and in many respects the most thankless that a professional man can be engaged in--that of ministering to the diseased and filthy population of the district4 ,but many a soul that he has taught in the knowledge of ,him whom to know is life eternal1 will be found to rejoice him in the day when their poor bodies shall arise to meet the ,lord4 ,the schools in ,george-street1 to which ,i have alluded1 are the main blessing of the place3 they were established long before the gospel in ,irish was ever introduced there2 and they survive the ,irish ministry which1 alas1 has been withdrawn from the spot where ,god enabled me to plant it4 ,those schools are a bud of promise in the desolate wilderness1 which may the ,lord in his own good time cause to blossom again4 99 99 99 ,during a sojourn of some years a little to the north of ,london1 ,i devoted myself more to the pen1 and found less opportunity for other usefulness than in ,sandhurst and ,london2 yet much encouragement was given to labor among the poor neglected ,irish1 who may be found in every neighborhood1 and to whom few think of taking the gospel in their native tongue--still fewer of bearing with the desperate opposition that ,satan will ever show to the work4 ,we make the deplorable state1 morally and physically1 of the ,irish poor1 an excuse first for not going among them at all1 and then for relinquishing the work if we do venture to begin it4 ,in both cases it ought to plead for tenfold readiness and perseverance4 ,i always found it a perilous task to attack the enemy in this strong-hold3 not from any opposition encountered from the people themselves2 far otherwise2 they ever received me gladly1 and treated me with respect and grateful affection2 but ,satan has many ways of assailing those whom he desires to hinder1 and sometimes his chain is greatly lengthened for the trial of faith1 and perfecting of humility and patience1 where they may be sadly lacking4 ,there are spheres of undeniable duty where the ,christian may often almost1 if not altogether1 take up the apostle's declaration1 and say1 ,no man stood by me4 ,this1 to the full extent1 has never yet been my experience2 but ,i have often found many against me1 both without and within1 when earnestly bent on dealing a blow at the great antichrist4 ,it is no good sign when all goes on too smoothly4 ,in #ahcd ,i was induced to undertake what seemed an arduous and alarming office1 that of editing a periodical4 ,i commenced it in much prayer1 with no little trembling1 and actuated by motives not selfish4 ,that it was not laid down at the end of the second year1 was owing to the great blessing just then given to my appeals on behalf of the cruelly oppressed and impoverished ,irish clergy through its means3 and recommencing1 at the beginning of the third year1 with an ardent desire to promote more than ever the sacred cause of ,protestantism1 ,i found the ,lord prospering the work beyond my best hopes2 and by his help ,i continue it to this day4 99 99 99 ,it was my blessed privilege1 four years since1 to abridge into two moderate sized volumes the ,english ,martyrology1 as recorded by ,foxe4 ,in the progress of this work ,i became better acquainted with the true doctrines of the ,reformation than ever before3 ,i compared them1 as ,i am wont to do every thing1 with what ,god has revealed2 and ,i am satisfied that they are perfectly accordant with ,scripture3 if they were not so1 ,i would reject them4 ,by the same standard let us prove all things1 that we may hold fast that which is good4 ,i have not particularized the trial of my scriptural principles when exposed for a short time to the pernicious doctrines of a subtle and persuasive ,antinomian teacher4 ,at first he only appeared to me to insist very strenuously on the doctrine of free1 sovereign grace2 and greatly to magnify ,god in the saving of souls1 wholly independent of aught that man can do3 but a little further investigation convinced me that the vilest system of moral licentiousness might be built on such a foundation as he laid2 and ,i found the discourses of ,peter and of ,paul1 as recorded in the ,acts1 especially conclusive against his perverted notions4 ,antinomianism is a most deadly thing2 and ,i believe all extremes in doctrines where good men have much differed to be dangerous2 while at the same time they are very deluding1 for we all love to go far in an argument1 or under the influence of party spirit4 99 99 99 ,of myself1 ,i have now no more to say than that1 by the help of my ,god1 ,i continue to this day anxiously desirous to devote my little talent to his service1 as he may graciously permit4 ,i have coveted no man's silver1 or gold1 or apparel1 but counted it a privilege to labor with my hands and head1 for myself and for those most dear to me4 ,many trials1 various and sharp1 have been my portion2 but they are passed away1 and if ,i have not enlarged upon them it is from no reluctance to declare all the ,lord's wonderful doings1 but from a desire to avoid speaking harshly of those who are departed4 ,the ,lord has accepted at my hand one offering1 in the case of the precious dumb boy1 received into glory through his rich blessing on my efforts2 and he mercifully gives me to see the welfare of two others1 committed to me as the offspring of my brother1 over whose early years ,i have been permitted to watch1 and in whose growing prosperity my heart can rejoice4 ,he has been a very gracious ,master to me2 he has dealt very bountifully1 and given me now the abundance of domestic peace1 with the light of his countenance to gladden my happy home4 ,yet the brightest beam that falls upon it is the anticipation of that burst of glory when the ,lord ,jesus shall be revealed from heaven1 to reign in righteousness over the world that shall soon1 very soon1 acknowledge him the universal1 eternal ,king3 and the most fervent aspiration my heart desires to utter is the response to his promise of a speedy advent4 ,even so1 ,lord ,jesus2 come quickly4 ,amen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,note4 ,charlotte ,elizabeth was born in ,october1 #agij1 and wrote the ,personal ,recollections near the close of #ahdj1 when fifty years of age4 ,she continued her active ,christian beneficence1 and the brilliant and unceasing labors of her pen1 in editing the ,protestant ,magazine1 and other writing for the press1 until the very close of life4 ,immediately after breakfast1 says a brief sketch of her remaining years1 she went to her desk1 locking the door to exclude interruptions2 and when her pen was laid aside1 her garden afforded ever new delight2 and with her1 gardening was no light occupation4 ,she smiled at lady gardeners who only enjoyed the labors of others4 ,from the moment the gravel-walks and beds were formed1 all was the work of her own hands2 and the most laborious operations were to her refreshment and enjoyment4 ,each plant1 each bed was familiar to her4 ,she knew their history1 their vicissitudes1 and the growth and expansion of each became a source of lively and never-failing interest4 ,the emotions produced in her mind by the brilliant tints of flowers1 can only be compared to those of music to others1 and this love of color was regulated by the most delicate sense of harmony in their disposition and arrangement4 ,the writer wears at this moment a small diamond ring1 which she kept in her desk1 and would place on her finger only when engaged in writing2 the occasional flashing of the brilliants as the light fell upon them1 producing most pleasurable sensations in her mind1 and greatly assisting the flow of her thoughts and imagination4 ,her countenance1 at such moments1 would light up with animation1 and if an inquiring glance were turned to her1 she would smile1 and add1 ',oh1 it was only the diamonds4' ,often would she lay down her pen in the midst of some work requiring the whole energy of her mind1 and much concentration of thought1 and go to her garden for half an hour2 and while apparently wholly absorbed in pruning or transplanting1 she was really engaged in her work2 and the apparent loss of time was amply repaid by the rapidity with which she wrote out the ideas conceived and matured during this healthful recreation4 ,a word1 however1 spoken to her at such times1 would have caused a most painful interruption in the current of her thoughts--she compared the effect to a stone thrown into a quiet running brook--and would utterly disable her from writing during the rest of the day1 a circumstance not easy to impress on the minds of servants4 ,even those who would most carefully refrain from addressing her when they knew she was actually writing1 could hardly understand that like care was needful when she was thus employed over her flowers4 ,all communication was held with her by means of the finger alphabet1 but so quick was her appreciation of what was thus said1 and so easy was it for those about her to acquire great rapidity in this art1 that her total deafness was hardly felt to be an inconvenience2 sermons1 speeches1 conversations even of the most voluble speakers1 were conveyed to her with the greatest ease1 and with hardly the omission of the smallest word4 ,in #ahda she married ,mr4 ,l4,h4,j4 ,tonna1 who held an office in ,london under the ,british government1 and who prepared the sketch from which the above passage is quoted4 ,having in #ahcf removed from ,edmonton1 7page #bdb17 she resided at ,blackheath till #ahde1 when she removed to ,london4 ,about the end of #ahdd1 she found that a small swelling near her left shoulder was indeed a cancer1 which would doubtless terminate life2 but she continued her literary labors till a vary short time before her death1 which was one of peace and humble trust in her ,redeemer1 and occurred at ,ramsgate on the sea-side4 ,the following epitaph1 dictated by herself1 is inscribed on her tombstone3 ,,here ,,lie ,,the ,,mortal ,,remains ,,of ,,charlotte ,,elizabeth1 ,,the ,,beloved ,,wife ,,of ,,lewis ,,hypolytus ,,joseph ,,tonna1 ,,who ,,died ,,on ,,the #ab,,th ,,of ,,july1 ,,mdcccxlvi1 ,,looking ,,unto ,,jesus4