,,episodes ,,be=e ,,?irty ,,episodes ,,be=e ,,?irty ,by ,,alg]non ,,blackwood ,,cassell ,,& ,,company1 ,,ltd ,london1 ,new ,york1 ,toronto & ,melb\rne #aibc ,pr9t$ 9 ,great ,brita9 ,to ,,alfr$ ,h4 ,,l\is ,,episodes ,,be=e ,,?irty ,,*apt] ,i ,a /rong emotion1 especially if exp]i5c$ = ! fir/ "t1 leaves a vivid memory ( ! sc5e :]e x occurr$4 ,i see a room 9 a ,new ,york bo>d+-h\se4 ,i c t\* ! wood5 b$1 ! two gas-brackets beside ! look+-glass1 ! :ite door ( ! cupbo>d1 ! iron 8regi/]0 9 ! wall t let 9 heat$ air1 ! brok5 s(a4 ,! view f ! dirty w9d[s t[>ds ! high ro( ( ,tony ,pa/or's music hall 9 #ad? ,/reet1 ) a side glimpse ( ! trees 9 ,irv+ ,place1 %[ cle>ly4 ,! rattle ( ! ,broadway cable c>s1 ! clang ( _! bells1 /ill come to me ?r\gh t /ifl+ ,augu/ air1 :5 ! %ade !rmomet] /ood at a hundr$1 ) humidity some:]e ab\t #ie p] c5t4 ,?\ghts ( ! sea & m\nta9s1 va9ly indulg$ )9 ^? walls1 are easily rememb]$ too4 ,! room ,i am writ+ 9 n[ seems less actual ?an ! "o 9 ! ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet bo>d+-h\se1 kept by ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 a ,g]man ,jewess1 ^: husb& conduct$ 8 own or*e/ra 9 a ,second ,av5ue re/aurant4 ,?\gh ?irty ye>s ago1 x is m cle>ly def9$ = me ?an ,lady ,x's d9+-room :]e ,i d9$ la/ night1 & :]e ! lady ,i took 9 said graci\sly1 8,i simply lov$ y\r ,blue ,lagoon10 :i*1 naturally1 ,i 0 able to praise unres]v$ly1 :ile leav+ h] ) ! illusion z long z possible t %e _h made fri5ds ) its gift$ au?or4 ,& ?is detail$ cl>ity is due1 ,i am sure1 to ! fact t 9 t ,new ,york room ,i _h my fir/ exp]i5ce ( ?ree new emotions1 ea* ( :i*1 sep>ately1 held horror4 ,horror draws its l9es deep2 its pictures /& out 9 high relief4 ,9 my case ! horrors 71 p]haps m9or ones1 b at ! age ( tw5ty-"o--an exceptionally inexp]i5c$ tw5ty-"o--!y seem$ important2 & ! fact t !y 7 comb9$ entitles !m to be consid]$ major4 ,!y 7 ?ree 9 numb]3 ! horror ( loa?some v]m9 runn+ ov] my body night aft] night1 ! horror ( hung]1 & ! horror ( liv+ at close qu>t]s ) a crim9al & degrad$ m9d4 ,all1 z ,i said1 came toge!r2 all 7 entirely new s5sations4 8,close qu>t]s10 too1 is us$ advis$ly1 = n only 0 ! room a small "o1 ! *eape/ 9 a *eap h\se1 b x 0 occupi$ by ?ree ( u--?ree ,engli%m5 8on _! upp]s10 ?ree big ,engli%m5 into ! b>ga91 two ( u /&+ #f feet #b in*es1 ! o!r #f feet #c in*es 9 8 socks4 ,we %>$ t room = _m weeks1 tak+ our turn at sleep+ two 9 ! b$1 & "o on ! mattress we pull$ (f & kept hidd5 9 ! cupbo>d dur+ ! day4 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 d5y+ h] blood1 won our affection by *>g+ eight doll>s only1 ! price = two1 morn+ c(fee includ$2 & ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9's face1 fat1 k9dly1 p]spir+1 dirty1 is m vivid 9 my memory aft] all ^! ye>s ?an t ( ! lady la/ night :o s g5]\sly mi/ook me = ,de ,v]e ,/acpoole4 ,h] voice ev5 r+s cle>1 ) its ,jewi% lisp1 its guttural ,g]man1 its nasal twang ?r[n 93 8,i ask my hosp&4 ,b]haps he let y /ay anozz] week40 ,:at ! husb& said we nev] knew4 ,he 0 usually too drunk to say any?+ coh]5t4 ,:at matt]$ to u 0 t we 7 n turn$ out at ! mom5t1 & t1 9 ! long run1 ! good-he>t$ woman receiv$ h] money4 ,c]ta9 objects 9 t room reta9 exceptional cl>ity 9 my m9d4 ,if ?\ght-pictures c\ld be photograph$1 a p]fect pr9t ( ! b$ & gas-bracket c\ld be pr9t$ f my memory4 ,) ! =m] especially ,i associate ! v]m91 ! hung]1 & ! r tawdry crim9al4 ,i c\ld describe t b$ d[n to ! smalle/ detail2 ,i c\ld draw x accurately1 ev5 to ! c>v+2 7 ,i a c>p5t] ,i c\ld make x4 ,all t ,i suff]$ 9 x1 ( physical & m5tal angui%1 ! va9 long+s & despair1 ! hopes & fe>s1 ! lonel9ess1 ! fev]i% dreams--! entire dread panorama /ill hangs 9 ! air betwe5 its /a9$ br[n foot & ! brok5 s(a1 z ?\gh ( ye/]day4 ,i c see a tall man pass ! end ( x1 "o eye on me & ano!r on ! door1 op5+ a razor sl[ly z he w5t4 ,i see ! blue eyes n>r[+ 9 8 :ite face1 ! trea*]y ( ! c[>d twi/+ 8 lip into a smirk4 ,i c see him sleep+ l a *ild beside me1 t\*+ me4 ,mov+ /eal?ily ab\t ! room 9 ! d>kness too1 z1 ?9k+ me asleep1 he /ole on b>e feet to recov] ! confession ( =g]y ,i _h =c$ him to sign1 ,i c /ill see 8 dim outl9e1 & ev5 he> 8 tread--a petty sc\ndrel unwitt+ly on 8 way to gaol4 ,! b$1 ?us1 is vividly pres5t 9 my memory4 ,by contra/ ) x1 n q s %>p1 p]haps1 & a pleasant] feel+ associat$ ) x1 ano!r ,new ,york sleep+-place rises 9 ! m9d--a b5* 9 ,c5tral ,p>k4 ,"h1 h[ev]1 ! hum\r ( adv5ture s(t5s ! picture1 ?\gh at ! "t x did n s(t5 ! transv]se iron arms :i* made x impossible to /ret* out 9 com=t4 ,nor is !re any t\* ( horror 9 x4 ,precise & detail$ recollection fades4 ,! hoboes :o %>$ x ) me 7 companions1 ev5 comrades ( a sort1 & "o did n feel !m necess>ily crim9al or degrad$4 ,!y 7 8on _! upp]s0 mu* z ,i 01 & f> quick] ?an ,i 0 at ! trick ( sudd5ly sitt+ upright :5 ! night policeman's tread 0 com+ our way4 ,:at ?\ghts !y indulg$ 9 ,i _h no means ( kn[+1 b ,i cr$it$ !m ) flitt+ backw>ds to a clean room some:]e & a s(t :ite b$1 possibly to t ridicul\s figure ( imm5se au?ority1 a nurse1 j z my own fla%$ back to a night nurs]y 9 ! ,manor ,h\se1 ,cray=d1 ,k5t4 ,t ! seats ,i fav\r$ 7 ne> ! ,sw+s l5t possibly ano!r t\* to ! *ildhood's picture4 ,! memory1 anyh[1 is a sweet] "o ?an t ( ! b$ 9 ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet1 if less %>ply def9$4 ,! cool fre% air1 ! dew1 ! />s1 ! smell ( e>? & leaves1 7 all ( !m clean1 & no price ask$ at dawn4 ,yet ! two--! b$ & ! b5*--are someh[ l9k$ toge!r 9 my m9d1 ! "o inv>iably call+ up ! o!r2 &1 ?anks to !m probably1 no b$ bo!rs me n[1 lumpy or slop+ ?\gh x be1 9 tra91 hotel1 or lodg+4 ,i h slept 9 /range places s9ce--high 9 ! ,caucasus1 on ! %ores ( ! ,black ,sea1 on ! ,egyptian des]t1 on ! banks ( ! ,danube1 9 ! ,black ,=e/ & ,hung>y--b ea* "t ! ef=t to get com=table br\ght back ! b$ & ! b5*1 & sleep soon foll[$ to smo!r bo?4 ,! gas-brackets1 simil>ly1 rise vividly be=e my eyes1 associat$ ) ! pa91 ! we>9ess ( hung]2 n ( true />vation1 b ( weeks & mon?s ( "u-n\ri%m5t1 caus$ by "o meal a day4 ,! relation betwe5 hung] & gas-brackets may seem remote4 ,x 0 on ! latt]1 h[ev]1 t we le>n$ to fix ! metal top :i* made ! flame spread 9 a circle r\nd a light t9 cook+-pot4 ,we boil$ wat] = milkless tea 9 ?is way1 cook$ porridge1 & :5 porridge 0 n to be _h we heat$ wat] ) dri$ apples 9 x4 ,i rememb] ! day we discov]$ t x 0 m economical to eat ! /rips ( dri$ apple fir/1 !n dr9k ! hot wat] t made !m swell s com=t+ly inside u4 ,!y prov$ m fill+ t way1 ! false repletion la/$ long]1 ! s5se ( bulk 0 m satisfy+1 ! gnaw+ ceas$1 & ! results1 if tempor>y1 at lea/ made x possible to fall asleep4 ,!re are o!r details ( t sordid ,new ,york room :i* /ill reta9 _! fir/ disagreeable vividness1 ea* ) ! gho/--a v /urdy gho/--( ! emotion t pr9t$ x indelibly 9 ! m9d4 ,^! details are be/ m5tion$1 h[ev]1 9 _! prop] place & sequ5ce4 ,x %\ld fir/ be told h[ we came to be !re4 ,,*apt] ,,ii ,we arriv$ 9 ,new ,york t[>ds ! end ( ,octob]1 com+ /raight f five mon?s 9 ! ,canadian backwoods4 ,be=e t1 to m5tion myself fir/1 !re _h be5 a ye> 9 ,canada1 :]e1 ev5 be=e ! age ( tw5ty-"o1 ,i _h made a liv+ ( sorts by tea*+ ! viol91 ,fr5*1 ,g]man1 & %or?&4 ,%[+ no special tal5t = any pr(ession 9 p>ticul>1 & hav+ no ta/es t c\ld be held to indicate a def9ite c>e]1 ,i _h come to ,canada ?ree ye>s be=e = a few weeks' trip4 ,my fa!r1 9 an (ficial capacity1 _h passes f ,liv]pool to ,vanc\v]1 & we cross$ 9 ! ,etruria1 a ,cun>d] :i* my "m _h laun*$4 ,he 0 mu* ft$ & banquet$1 & ! ,c4,p4,r4 bigwigs1 f ,"l ,/ra?cona & ,sir ,william van ,horne d[nw>ds1 %[$ him all att5tion1 plac+ an obs]vation c> at 8 disposal4 ,g5]al ,james1 ! ,new ,york po/ma/]1 gave a d9n] 9 8 hon\r at ! ,union ,league ,club1 :]e ,i made my fir/ & la/ spee*--consi/+ ( n9e words ( horrifi$ ?anks = c\pl+ 8a *ip ( ! old block10 z ! propos] call$ me1 ) ! 8,*ief ( ! ,briti% ,po/al ,s]vice40 ,a ludicr\s w\nd to vanity helps x to /ick 9 ! m9d--my fa!r wore no braces1 & ,i copi$ him1 b--well1 9 8 case no belt 0 necess>y1 :]eas ,i 0 slim4 ,x sudd5ly dawn$ on me1 z ,i splutt]$ my brief words1 t a l9e ( :ite 0 %[+ betwe5 my wai/coat & ! top ( my tr\s]s4 ,! close ( my spee* 0 hurri$1 my b[ 0 cauti\s2 ,i 0 extremely reliev$ to sit d[n aga94 ,9 ! lovely autumn wea!r1 we saw ,canada at its be/1 & ! trip decid$ my future4 ,my fa!r welcom$ x z a happy solution4 ,i came1 !re=e1 to ,toronto at ! age ( tw5ty1 ) #ajj a ye> all[ance1 & a small capital to foll[ :5 ,i %\ld h f\nd "s safe & pr(itable *ance ( />t+ life4 ,) me came--9 ! ord] ( _! importance--a fiddle1 ! 8,bhagavad ,gita10 ,%elley1 8,s>tor ,res>tus10 ,b]keley's 8,dialogues10 ,patanjali's 8,yoga ,aphorisms10 de ,qu9cey's 8,confessions10 &--a unique ignorance ( life4444 ,i s]v$ my fir/ lit]>y appr5tice%ip on ! ,me?odi/ ,magaz9e1 a mon?ly p]iodical publi%$ 9 ,toronto1 & be=e t lick$ /amps 9 ! back (fice ( ! ,temp]ance & ,g5]al ,life ,assurance ,company1 at no?+ a week1 b ) ! idea ( le>n+ ! bus9ess1 s t lat] ,i might br+ out "s ,engli% insurance company to ,canada4 ,! fir/ taught me t1 j z ,i _h no ambition to write1 s1 likewise1 ,i possess$ no tal5t2 ! second m]ely made articulate ! dislike ,i felt = any?+ to d ) ,bus9ess4 ,x 0 ! ?ree mon?s 9 ! insurance (fice t caus$ me to accept eag]ly ! job on ! ,me?odi/ ,magaz9e at f\r doll>s a week1 & ! reaction help$ to make ! "w cong5ial if n /imulat+4 ,! all[ance ( t5 doll>s a week 0 difficult to live on1 & ,i _h be5 look+ ev]y:]e = employm5t4 ,x 0 ?r\gh a daught] ( ,sir ,?omas ,galt1 a fri5d ( my fa!r's on our previ\s trip to ,canada1 t ,i obta9$ ?is job--sixte5 %ill+s a week1 h\rs t5 to f\r4 ,dr4 ,)r[1 editor ( ! lead+ ,me?odi/ magaz9e1 & ( v>i\s ,*ri/ian ,endeav\r p]iodicals = *ildr5 & "y p1 0 a pleasant old g5tleman1 :o w5t ab\t 9 a frock coat & slipp]s1 _h a real s5se ( hum\r & a nice wife & daught]4 ,8 editorial d5 0 9 8 own little h\se1 & my duties 7 to write an article e mon? = ! magaz9e1 :i* 0 illu/rat$1 & also to write a few descriptive l9es ( lett]press to accompany ! full-page illu/rations = ! num]\s ,*ri/ian ,endeav\r & ,me?odi/ p]iodicals = "y p & *ildr54 ,he taught me ! typewrit]1 & ) my %or?& ,i took mo/ ( 8 lett]s at dictation1 & c]ta9ly e>n$ my money4 ,my mon?ly articles 9 ! magaz9e 7 on su* subjects z ,*ri/mas 9 ,engl&1 ,life at a ,moravian ,s*ool1 ,! ,black ,=e/1 ,travel 9 ! ,alps--any?+ t my limit$ exp]i5ce enabl$ me to describe at fir/-h&1 & on ! :ole ! old g5tleman seem$ satisfi$4 ,! description ( ! *ildr5's pictures1 h[ev]1 always made him *uckle1 ?\gh he nev] said :y1 & ,i wrote doz5s ( ^! a day1 describ+ ! picture ( 8,k+ ,canute & ! ,sea10 8,elijah 9 a ,*>iot ( ,fire10 8,a ,*ild ,bl[+ ,bubbles10 8,! ,wood-bor+ ,beetle10 etc4 etc4 ,he w\ld dictate "s ( 8 articles ( travel to me1 & ,i w\ld take !m d[n 9 %or?&1 & he (t5 made su* grotesque mi/akes 9 facts t ,i quietly correct$ ^! z ,i wrote1 & :5 ,i read out ! s5t5ce to him he w\ld notice ! alt]ation & look at me ov] 8 spectacles & say3 8,?ank y4 ,yes1 ,i 0 wrong !re4 ,! fact is1 ,i h s _m articles to write t ,i compose two at a "t 9 my m9d1 & !y get muddl$ up4 ,an editor %\ld always be accurate1 & ,me?odi/ read]s are cranky & h>d to please40 ,he 0 a ,me?odi/ p>son himself1 :i* did n prev5t him say+ exactly :at he ?\ght4 ,he lun*$ (f dates & bananas1 :i* he kept 9 a bag beside 8 desk1 & t same desk 0 9 su* disord] t he nev] c\ld f9d :at he want$1 & ,i 0 n surpris$ to le>n t1 be=e ,i came1 ! pr9t]s got ! wrong pap]s1 & t _m ( ! *ildr5's pictures got descriptions und]nea? t did n belong to !m--= in/ance1 a boy bl[+ a bubble 0 publi%$ ov] a few l9es describ+ ! habits ( snakes1 8z se5 9 our illu/ration10 & s =?4 ,i got on s well ) ! little ,me?odi/ t he want$ to come to ! ev5+ ,fr5* classes ,i 0 giv+ at fifty c5ts a lesson to "s ( ! cl]ks 9 ! insurance (fice1 & to br+ 8 daught] ) him4 ,he said a little m k ( ,fr5* w\ld be v good = him :5 he took 8 conduct$ t\rs ( ,canadian ,me?odi/s to ,switz]l&2 b ,i did n rise to ?is1 & p]suad$ him to wait till ,i c\ld get a m select class to meet1 p]haps1 at 8 own h\se1 :]e a girl c\ld m suitably att5d4 ,=1 to tell ! tru?1 "s ( my pupils _h a habit ( com+ slightly drunk--or1 z !y call$ x1 8) a jag on40 ,he1 h[ev]1 w\ld n wait1 s ,i lo/ two good pupils6444 ,dr4 ,)r[1 pati5t little man ( k9dly disposition6 ,8 fad$ black frock-coat1 8 spectacles high on 8 puck]$ =ehead1 8 c>pet slipp]s1 8 tobacco-/a9$ :ite be>d1 8 s9c]e beliefs & 8 /rip$ tr\s]s ( a patt]n ,i h always s9ce labell$ m5tally z 8,me?odi/ tr\s]s0--x is a g5tle little memory tuck$ away among unk9d] ones1 & ,i /ill he> him giv+ me my fir/ & only lesson h[ to write4 ,8 p>aphrase ( 8fatal facility0 /ays ) me3 8,flu5cy means dullness1 unless ! m9d is pack$ ) ?\ght40 ,x /ays ) me because ! conv]sation l$ to my ask+ if ,i might write an article = ! mon?ly on ! subject ( ,buddhism4 ,beh9d x lay an ev] ke5] desire to write some?+ on ,hegel1 ^: philosophy ,i felt c]ta9 0 bas$ on "s p]sonal exp]i5ce ( g5u9e my/ical k9d4 8,f :at po9t ( view80 he ask$1 8 =ehead puck]+ ) amazem5t4 8,t ( belief10 ,i said1 my m9d bur/+ ) an eag] desire to imp>t in=mation1 if n also to conv]t4 ,he pass$ 8 h& across 8 =ehead1 knock+ ! spectacles (f4 ,!n1 cat*+ !m ) a fumbl+ motion :i* betray$ 8 p]turbation1 he inquir$3 8,b1 ( c\rse1 ,mr4 ,blackwood1 n y\r own80 ,! voice1 ! eyes1 ! :ole attitude ( ! body made me realize he 0 prep>$ to be %ock$1 if n already %ock$4 8,yes10 ,i repli$ tru?fully1 8my own4 ,i've be5 a ,buddhi/ = a long "t40 ,he />$ = "s "t at me )\t a ^w1 !n smil$ a k9dly1 indulg5t1 r sceptical smile4 8,x w\ld be h>dly suitable10 he m5tion$1 z ,i felt 8 :ole be+ draw away f me z f some?+ dang]\s & unclean4 ,possibly1 ( c\rse1 he did n believe me2 ,i am sure he pray$ = me4 ,our relations seem$ less cordial aft] t2 he read mo/ c>efully e ^w ,i wrote 9 8 magaz9e & *ildr5's pages1 b he nev] ref]r$ to ! matt] aga94 ,my ,me?odi/ job1 none ! less1 0 a happy "o2 ?is fir/ regul> wage ,i _h yet receiv$ 9 life gave me ! pleasant s5sation t ,i 0 laun*$4 ,my connexion ) ,me?odism ceas$1 n because ,i 0 dismiss$ or _h fail$ to give satisfaction 7inde$1 ! editor _h j told me my sal>y 0 to be rais$671 b because all ! capital ,i %\ld ev] h 0 s5t to me ab\t t "t f ,engl&--ab\t #b1jjj--;& ,i w5t into p>tn]%ip ) a f>m] outside ,toronto & b\ght "s =ty head ( p$igree ,j]sey cattle4 ,,*apt] ,,iii ,! ,isl+ton ,j]sey ,dairy1 ,messrs4 ,coop] & ,blackwood1 />t$ bus9ess ) a retail (fice 9 ,college ,/reet1 a numb] ( milk c>ts be>+ our names 9 black lett]+ ^u a yell[ backgr\nd1 & ! supply f>m at ,isl+ton1 a lovely little hamlet on ! %ores ( ,lake ,ont>io1 "s six miles we/ ( ! city4 ,we sold ri* ,j]sey milk1 we sold eggs & butt] too4 ,i gave picnics at our pretty little f>m = cu/om]s ,i knew socially4 ,! upp] floors ( ! build+ 9 ,college ,/reet we furni%$1 lett+ b$rooms at a doll> a week to "y ,engli%m51 cl]ks 9 (fices1 & o!rs4 ,i engag$ an old1 mo!rly ,engli%woman1 ,mrs4 ',igg9s1 ) a face l a rosy apple1 to 8d0 = u--%e made ! b$s & cook$ ! breakfa/--:ile h] pretty daught]1 9 cap & apron1 0 our dairymaid4 ,! plan did n "w smoo?ly--! dairymaid 0 too pretty1 p]haps2 ,mrs4 ,higg9s too voluble4 ,compla9ts came f all sides2 ! lodg]s1 wildi% "y fell[s 9 a free & easy c\ntry1 made m promises ?an paym5ts4 ,"o want$ a /ove1 ano!r a c>pet 9 8 b$room1 ano!r compla9$ ab\t 8 b$4 ,i _h my fir/ exp]i5ce ( dr9k & immorality go+ on "u my v eyes4444 ,tr\ble--?\gh m]cifully ( ano!r k9d--spread !n to ! cu/om]s4 ,! milk began to g s\r2 x 0 too ri*2 x w\ldn't keep2 ! telephone rang all day long4 ,coop]1 an exp]i5c$ dairy-f>m]1 0 at 8 wits' end2 e device = sc\r+ ! bottles1 = cool+ ! milk be=e br++ x twice a day to ! city1 fail$4 ,at d9n] p>ties my ho/ess w\ld draw me tactfully aside4 8,! milk1 ,i'm afraid1 ,mr4 ,blackwood10 %e w\ld murmur s(tly1 80 s\r aga9 ?is morn+4 ,w y speak ab\t x80 ,i spoke ab\t x--daily--b ,alfr$ ,coop]'s only comm5t 01 8,say1 h y got a bit m capital8 ,t's :at we really want40 ,t s\r milk became a v]itable nightm>e t nev] left me4 ,i _h en\gh ( milk4 ,yet1 lat] 9 life1 ,i f\nd myself 89 milk0 aga91 b t "t x 0 dri$ milk1 a pr(itable bus9ess to ! own]s1 ?\gh x br\ght me no?+4 ,i work$ six ye>s at x = a b>e liv+ wage4 ,b1 at any rate1 x c\ldn't turn s\r4 ,x 0 a p[d]4 ,alfr$ ,coop] 0 a delightful fell[4 ,i ?9k "s detail ( h[ our p>tn]%ip came to be may be> ! tell+4 ,x po9ts a moral if x does n adorn a tale4 ,x may1 aga91 prove useful to o!r "y ,engli%m5 9 ,canada simil>ly wait+ ) money to inve/2 b on ! o!r h& x may n1 s9ce !re c be few1 ,i imag9e1 z gre5 z ,i 0 !n1 ow+ to a /range upbr++1 or z ignorant ( ev5 ! simple/ worldly practices4 ,( ! evangelical tra9+ responsible = ?is crim9al ignorance ,i w speak lat]4 ,coop]1 !n1 0 a delightful fell[1 fitt+ my ideal ( a type ,i _h read ab\t--! fe>less1 iron-muscl$ colonial :ite man :o f\ght ,indians4 ,! way we met 0 q simply calculat$--by a cl]k 9 ! bank :]e my ,engli% all[ance ( #ajj a ye> 0 paid by my fa!r4 ,! cl]k & ,i made fri5ds--naturally2 & "o day--also naturally--he sugge/$ a ,sunday walk to ,isl+ton1 "s six miles d[n ! lake %ore4 ,we c\ld get tea at a f>m he knew4 ,we did4 ,! praises ( ! ,coop] family1 :o own$ x1 _h already be5 sung4 ,i 0 en*ant$4 ,s1 d\btless1 0 ! cl]k4 ,! f>m 0 a small "o--p]haps eight acres2 & ,coop] liv$ on x 9 pov]ty ) 8 ag$ "m & unm>ri$ si/]4 ,x 0 *>m+ly situat$1 ! fields runn+ d[n to ! wat]1 p9e copses dott+ ! mead[s to ! nor?1 & ! little village *ur* /&+ at "o corn] ne> ! road4 ,mrs4 ,coop]1 9 cap & apron1 dropp+ e 8h0 t came h] way1 describ$ to me h[ %e & h] husb& _h emigrat$ f ,engl& sixty ye>s be=e1 9 ! days ( sail+ %ips4 ,h] husb&'s grave 9 ! *ur*y>d we c\ld see f ! w9d[ :ile we sat at tea--an unusually sumptu\s tea = a f>mh\se--& x 0 evid5t t %e 0 m alive to ! memories ( half a c5tury ago 9 ! 8old c\ntry10 ?an to ! plans ( h] ambiti\s son 9 ! new colony4 ,! son came to tea too1 b a little late1 hav+ obvi\sly bru%$ himself up a bit = 8 visitor f ,engl&4 ,he 0 ab\t =ty ye>s ( age1 tall1 well-built1 ke5-fac$1 ) /eel-blue eyes & a hat*et nose1 & 8 body 0 j t comb9ation ( leanness1 /r5g? & n]v\s al]tness :i* made "o ?9k ( a wolf4 ,he 0 extremely polite1 n to say flatt]+1 to me4 ,i ?\ght him delightful1 8 idyllic f>m /ill m delightful2 he 0 s eag]1 vigor\s & h>dy1 a typical pione]1 slav+ f dawn to sunset to w9 a liv+ f ! soil 9 ord] to support ! family4 ,i tru/$ him1 admir$ him imm5sely4 ,hav+ be5 duly prep>$ = ! picture on our walk out1 ,i 0 n disappo9t$4 ,he spoke v frankly ( ! desp]ate "w he & 8 si/] 7 =c$ to d2 also ( :at he might d1 & :at c\ld be made ( ! f>m1 if only he _h a little capital4 ,i lik$ him2 he lik$ me2 ! cl]k lik$ u bo?4 ,he %[$ me r\nd ! f>m aft] tea1 & 8 few ,j]sey c[s came up & nos$ 8 h&4 ,! eld]ly si/]1 a weak] repetition ( himself1 jo9$ u4 ,%e1 too1 slav$ f morn+ till night4 ,! old "m1 dim9utive1 quiet1 brave1 devot$ to h] *ildr5 yet ) h] he>t 9 ! old c\ntry %e w\ld nev] see aga91 complet$ a *>m+ picture 9 my m9d4 ,i 0 invit$ to come aga94 ,ano!r picture1 /ill m allur+1 0 set be=e me dur+ ! walk back1 ! picture ( :at a 8little capital0 c\ld d ) t t9y f>m4 ,! dairy bus9ess t c\ld be work$ up made me feel a ri* man be=e ! ,toronto spires became visible4 ,! desire to put capital into ! ,isl+ton ,j]sey ,dairy became ! "o hope ( my life4 ,w\ld ,coop] agree8 ,w\ld he accept me z a p>tn]8 ,! sugge/ion came f myself4 ,! cl]k1 ( c\rse1 _h nev] dream$ ( su* a ?+4 ,!y might welcome me1 ! cl]k ?\ght4 ,v k9dly1 he said he w\ld s\nd ,coop] ab\t x & let me "k4444 ,! s*eme seem$ su* a p]fect solution ( my problem ( e>n+ a liv+1 t ,i 0 afraid up to ! la/ mom5t some?+ mu/ happ5 to prev5t x4 ,coop] w\ld die1 or *ange 8 m9d1 or "o ( my influ5tial bus9ess fri5ds w\ld w>n me n to d x4 ,i 0 s jeal\s ( int]f]5ce t ,i s\ght no advice4 ,)\t s mu* z a scrat* ( ! p5 betwe5 u ! ent]prise />t$4 ,s he>tily did ,i l & tru/ my p>tn] t :51 lat]1 wis] fri5ds inquir$ ab\t my contract ) him1 x infuriat$ me4 8,contract6 ,a contract ) ,alfr$ ,coop]60 ,we did a ro>+ trade at fir/4 ,our ,j]sey milk 0 beyond all "q ! be/ 9 ! t[n4 ,x 0 hone/1 unwat]$ milk1 & our cream1 )\t any pres]vative add$1 0 s priz$ t we soon _h m ord]s ?an we c\ld fill4 ,:y our milk & cream s\r$ s readily1 los+ u trade rapidly lat]1 is a my/]y to me to ?is day4 ,)9 a few weeks ( our />t+ bus9ess1 ,coop] conv9c$ me t a model dairy build+ on ! f>m w\ld be a desirable improvem5t2 x w\ld save lab\r 9 v>i\s ways2 x 0 built4 ,! f>m belong$ to 8 "m1 n to him2 he kept ! build+ :5 our collapse foll[$4 ,next1 8 si/] really mu/ h someone to help h]1 & t someone 0 provid$ at high wages4 ,bus9ess 0 good1 s good 9 fact t we c\ld n supply ord]s4 ,extra milk mu/ !re=e be b\ght f neighb\r+ f>m]s4 ,?is 0 done1 ! contracts be+ made by ,coop]4 ,i nev] ask$ to see !m4 ,! bills 7 paid e mon? )\t "q on my "p4 ,m graz+ fields1 ) en\gh artificial food to fe$ at lea/ a hundr$ c[s 9 addition1 ^! too _h to be paid =4 ,z = ! appetites ( our =ty animals1 ,i m>vell$ at !m long be=e ,i became suspici\s4 ,yet :51 aft] mu* insi/+1 ,i saw "o ( ! f>m]'s bills = extra milk1 x left me1 naturally1 no wis] ?an be=e1 & c]ta9ly n a :it m com=t$1 = ! less our trade became1 ! m milk1 app>5tly1 ^? f>m]s sold u6 ,six mon?s lat] ! firm ( ,coop] & ,blackwood dissolv$ p>tn]%ip1 ,blackwood hav+ got ! exp]i5ce & ,coop] hav+ got--some?+ q z useful1 b m m>ketable4 ,coop]'s ,i4,o4,u4 = five hundr$ doll>s1 n[ /uck 9 an old scrap-book some:]e1 made me realize a little lat] h[ lucky x 0 t ,i _h only a limit$ am\nt to lose4 ,yet1 ?\gh x seem$ ! end ( ! _w to me1 my capital lo/1 my ent]prise a failure1 ,i recall ! curi\s s5se ( relief ) :i* ,i saw ! la/ c[ knock$ d[n to "s bidd] f up-c\ntry4 ,f ! v beg9n+ ,i _h hat$ ! entire bus9ess4 ,i did n "k a ,j]sey f a ,%or?orn1 s to speak4 ,i knew no?+ ab\t f>m+1 /ill less ab\t dairy-f>m+4 ,! ye> sp5t at ,ed9burgh ,univ]sity to le>n ! agricultural trade _h be5 wa/$1 =1 in/ead1 ,i att5d$ :at int]e/$ me f> m--! po/-mortems1 op]ations1 lectures on pa?ology1 & ! dissect+ room4 ,my notebooks ( ,pr(essor ,wallace's lectures1 cramm$ z !y 71 ) entries ab\t soil1 rotation ( crops1 & dra9age1 repres5t$ no g5u9e practical k4 ,i knew no?+4 ,my fa!r s5t me out to ,canada to f>m4 ,i w5t4 ,i f>m$4 ,coop] & ,blackwood is c>v$ ^u ! grave/one4 ,b ! grave/one co/ #b1jjj1 my %>e ( ! =c$ sale be+ ab\t #fjj4 ,my ,canadian exp]i5ce1 anyh[1 c be summ$ up 9 advice1 :i* is1 ( c\rse1 a bromide n[3 let any emigrant "y ,engli%man e>n 8 own liv+ = at lea/ five ye>s 9 any colony be=e a p5ny ( capital is giv5 him to inve/4 ,x 0 ) ?is #fjj ,i soon aft] w5t into p>tn]%ip ) ano!r man1 b ?is "t an hone/ "o4 ,we b\ght a small hotel 9 ! he>t ( ,toronto4 ,x also la/$ ab\t six mon?s4 ,:5 ! cra% came we liv$ toge!r f ,may to ,octob] on a small isl& 9 a ?irty-mile lake ( ! ,ont>io h9t]l&2 we %>$ a long slice ( difficult life toge!r subsequ5tly 9 ,new ,york2 we %>$ ! horrors ( ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet toge!r4 ,he fail$ me only once1 miss+ a tra9 a few ye>s lat] by a c\ple ( m9utes4 ,x 0 ! ,emigrant ,sleep] to ,dulu? on ,lake ,sup]ior1 en r\te = ! ,ra9y ,riv] ,gold ,fields1 :]e f\r ( u _h made sudd5 plans to try our =tunes4 ,i 0 on a ,new ,york pap] at ! "t1 & _h secur$ passes ov] ! fir/ fifte5 hundr$ miles4 ,z ! tra9 drew out ( ! ,c5tral ,/ation ,i saw my fri5d rac+ d[n ! plat=m1 a m9ute too late6 ,f t day to ?is ,i h nev] set eyes on him aga94 ,x 0 an abrupt end to a fri5d%ip cem5t$ by h>d times1 & my disappo9tm5t at los+ 8 companion%ip 0 r bitt] at ! "t4 ,,*apt] ,,iv ,at ! "t we met1 ?is fri5d ( m9e _h be5 out f ,ox=d--,new ,college1 ,i ?9k--a ye> or s1 & ) a ,cambridge man ab\t 8 own age1 _h be5 runn+ a sport+ goods %op 9 ,k+ ,/reet4 ,!y sold ! p>aph]nalia ( cricket1 t5nis1 box+ & ! l1 b ) no m>k$ success4 ,! consid]able money inve/$ by ! pair ( !m e>n$ no int]e/4 ,john ,kay 0 impati5t & dissatisfi$2 ! o!r _h lean+s t[>ds ! brok]+ trade1 z (f]+ bett] opportunities4 ,bo? 7 ready to cut _! losses1 realize1 & get out4 ,!y did s1 rema9+ ! be/ ( fri5ds4 ,& x 0 "o day1 :ile ^! prelim9>y negotiations 7 be+ discuss$ 9 ! back (fice1 :]e !y muddl$ away ! day betwe5 r>e sales1 t ,kay said to me my/]i\sly3 8,look "h1 ,i say--,i've got a wond]ful s*eme4 ,h y got any money left80 ,i m5tion$ ! #fjj4 8,i call x a rott5 %ame10 he w5t on4 8,( c\rse1 y've be5 sw9dl$4 ,^! p look ^u u z _! natural prey0--& he proce$$ to describe 8 8s*eme0--to buy a small hotel :i*1 ow+ to its bad "n1 0 go+ *eap2 to "w up a respectable bus9ess & a valuable goodwill2 !n to sell out at a top price & retire ) a com=table =tune4 ,kay 0 tw5ty-?ree1 two ye>s my s5ior2 to me1 !n1 he seem$ an exp]i5c$ man ( bus9ess1 almo/ eld]ly4 ,! s*eme took my brea? away4 ,x 0 v tempt+4 ,! failure ( ! dairy f>m _h left me despond5t2 ,i felt disgrac$2 ! end ( life1 x seem$1 _h come4 ,i 0 ready to grasp at any?+ t held out hopes ( a recov]y ( =tune4 ,b an hotel6 ,i hesitat$4 8,i "k no?+ ab\t runn+ an hotel10 ,i object$4 8,nei!r d ,i--yet10 0 ! sangu9e answ]1 8b we c le>n4 ,x's only common s5se & h>d "w4 ,we c hire a good manag] & engage a fir/-class cook40 8,h[ _m rooms are !re80 8,only ?irte54 ,x's ! b> :]e we %all make ! money40 8,! b>----60 8,!re are two b>s1 "o on ! ma9 /reet & ano!r on ! back4 ,billy ,b+ham has made ! place too hot to hold him4 ,8 lic5ce is to be )drawn4 ,he's got to get out4 ,we c get 8 lic5ce transf]r$ to u all "r1 if we promise to make ! place respectable4 ,we'll h good food1 a fir/-rate lun* c\nt] = ! bus9ess m51 we c let ! big rooms = club d9n]s & society banquets1 & !re's a #ajj p] c5t4 pr(it1 y "k1 on liquor4 ,we'll make ! ,hub ! be/ #8jo9t' 9 ! t[n4 ,all ! fell[s w come4 ,a ye> w d x4 ,!n we'll sell out44440 ,i 0 n li/5+4 ,! ^w 8liquor0--,i _h nev] t\*$ alcohol 9 my life--made su* a noise 9 my m9d t ,i c\ld he> no?+ else4 8,my fa!r10 ,i m5tion$ 9 a fa9t voice1 8is a public man at home4 ,he's a great temp]ance re=m]4 ,he speaks & writes aga9/ dr9k4 ,he's br\ght me up t way4 ,x w\ld be a t]rible %ock to him if 8 son made money out ( a b>40 ,! hotel s*eme1 inde$1 seem$ to me an impossibility4 ,a picture ( ! ,temp]ance meet+s held 9 our c\ntry h\se fla%$ ?r\gh my m9d4 ,i glanc$ d[n at my coat1 on ^: lapel1 until rec5tly1 !re _h be5 a little /rip ( blue ribbon1 signify+ t ,i 0 a memb] ( ! ,b& ( ,hope :i* includ$ sev]al million av[$ teetotall]s4 8,don't y see1 old *ap80 ,i expla9$ fur!r4 8,x w\ld simply break 8 he>t1 & my "m's too40 8,he ne$ nev] "k any?+ ab\t x10 came ! answ] at once4 8,:y %\ld he8 ,our names ne$n't appe> at all4 ,we'll call ourselves ! #8,hub ,w9e ,company1 ,limit$4'0 ,my head 0 swimm+1 my m9d buzz+ ) conflict+ voices z we walk$ d[n ,k+ ,/reet to inspect ! premises4 ,i a*$ to re-e/abli% my position4 ,! prospect ( a quick recov]y ( =tune 0 z sweet a prize z ev] tempt$ a gre5 y\? l myself4 ,my p>tn]1 too1 ?is "t w\ld be a 8g5tleman10 a fell[ my fa!r might h invit$ to d9e & play t5nis2 x 0 my appall+ ignorance ( life t gave to 8 two ye>s' s5iority "s imag9$ quality ( be+ a man mu* old] ?an myself1 & "o :o knew :at he 0 ab\t4 ,! "* ( ! propos$ ent]prise1 ( c\rse1 _h no effect at all ^u ! judgm5t4 ,to be kn[n z a successful hotel proprietor 0 a legitimate ambition4 ,my fa!r's /]n judgm5t ( philan?ropi/s :o prea*$ temp]ance :ile own+ di/ill]ies or hold+ brew]y %>es--,i knew x ^w = ^w--0 q =gott54 ,only ! little p]sonal po9t ( view 0 pres5t3 8,i've be5 an ass4 ,i mu/ make good4 ,"h's a *ance1 a c]ta9ty1 ( gett+ money4 ,i mu/ take x4 ,x's my ,k>ma40 ,we /rode d[n ,k+ ,/reet toge!r1 pa/ ! corn] ( ,yonge ,/reet1 bel[ ! w9d[s ( ! hat$ ,temp]ance & ,g5]al ,life ,assurance ,company :]e ,i _h lick$ /amps1 & on t[>ds ! ,hub ,hotel4 ,! ,toronto air 0 fre% & sweet1 ! lake lay blue beyond1 ! sunlight sp>kl$4 ,some?+ exhil>at+ & optimi/ic 9 ! atmosph]e gave ?\ght a happy & sangu9e twi/4 ,x 0 a day ( ,indian summ]1 a fa9t p]fume ( f>-di/ant =e/ fires add+ a pleasant t\* to ! famili> smell ( ! c$>-wood sidewalks4 ,a mood ( fre$om1 lib]ty1 great spaces1 f9e big ent]prises 9 a free c\ntry :]e ev]y?+ 0 possible1 ( opportunities seiz$ & waves ( =tune tak5 on _! cre/--,i rememb] ?is mood z %>ply /ill1 & ! sc5t ( a wood-fire or a c$> p5cil recalls x z vividly /ill1 z ?\gh ,i _h exp]i5c$ x la/ week4 ,i glanc$ at my companion4 ,i lik$ him1 tru/$ him4 ,!re 0 a happy light 9 8 frank blue eyes4 ,he 0 a good heavy-weight box] too4 ,! v man1 ,i felt1 = a bold ent]prise ( ?is sort4 ,he talk$ ! :ole way4 ,he 0 describ+ h[ we might increase ! =tune we %\ld draw out ( our successful v5ture 9 a ye>'s "t1 :5 we pass$ ,tim ,sullivan1 /&+ at ! door ( 81 a rival1 saloon1 & ex*ang$ a nod ) him4 ,! ,iri%man _h a %ad[ on 8 face4 8,he's he>d ab\t x10 :isp]$ ,kay1 ) a *uckle4 8,he'll look glumm] /ill :5 he sees all 8 cu/om]s com+ across ! way to u60 ,turn+ d[n a n>r[ side /reet1 ! ,hub block$ ! way1 a ?ree-/ory build+ ) a little t[]1 clean w9d[s1 & two big sw++ doors4 ,x ran ?r\gh to a back /reet :]e !re 0 ano!r entrance4 8,"h x is10 said ,kay1 9 ! eag]1 happy voice ( a man :o has j inh]it$ a family mansion & come to inspect x4 8,?is is ! ,hub :]e we %all make our =tune40 ,x seem$ to me ,i _h ent]$ an entirely new _w4 ,ev]y?+ 0 spotless4 ,! r[s ( bottles & glasses1 ! ca%-regi/] & brass taps glitt]$ 9 ! sunlight t fell ?r\gh col\r$ w9d[s4 ,! p]fume ( /ale liquor 0 n z disagreeable z x s\nds4 ,9 "o s5se ! :ole place look$ z h>mless z ! aisle ( "s des]t$ *ur*4 ,i /ood j inside ^? sw+-doors1 :i* _h clos$ beh9d me1 ) a /range feel+ ( gaz+ at "s d5 ( vice recon/ruct$ 9 ! ,*amb] ( ,horrors at ,madame ,tussaud's4 ,empty & innoc5t z ! b> might appe>1 h[ev]1 !re 0 a ?rill ( adv5ture1 ev5 ( dang]1 ab\t x t rea*$ my m9d1 ) a def9ite %ock ( dread4 8,nice1 airy premises1 ) pl5ty ( room10 ,kay's *e]y voice came to me f a di/ance4 8,?is is ! pr9cipal b>4 ,tw5ty m5 c\ld l9e up easily4 ,x'll want f\r b>-t5d]s4444 ,!re's ano!r b> at ! end4 ,!re'll be a few fights !re be=e we've done4 ,! d9+-room lies ?r\gh t ar*way j betwe5 ! two40 ,he walk$ away1 pass+ along ! l5g? ( ! room & d[n ?ree /eps into a n>r[]1 d>k] b> beyond1 :]e ! %ad[s hid him4 ,b 8 voice /ill rea*$ me3 8,x's on ! back /reet1 ?is b>10 he call$4 8,?is is = ! hoi polloi4 ,we %all want a *uck] out4444 ,"h's ! private door lead+ to ! up/airs d9+-room we'll let out = banquets4 ,we'll h our own b$rooms & sitt+-room on ! fir/ floor too44440 ,8 voice ro>$ on2 ,i he>d1 b did n answ]2 ,i _h n mov$ an in* f my place aga9/ ! sw+-doors4 ,he _h n1 ( c\rse1 ! fa9te/ idea :at 0 pass+ ?r\gh my m9d at ! mom5t2 &1 _h ,i told him1 he w\ld only h laugh$ good-natur$ly & talk$ ( ! money we %\ld make4 ,! fact 01 h[ev]1 t ! :ole ( my e>ly up-br++ j !n came at me ) a conc5trat$ driv+-=ce :i* made ! v5ture seem absolutely impossible4 8,we'll call ?is "o ! ,h\se ( ,commons10 he bawl$ delight$ly2 8& t "o--! front b>--! ,h\se ( ,lords4 ,we %all take #bej doll>s a day easily60 ,! %ock1 ! contra/1 ! exagg]at$ effect ( ent]+ a saloon = ! fir/ "t 9 my life1 especially ) ! add$ possibility ( %ortly becom+ its proprietor1 7 natural en\gh4 ,my unworldl9ess1 ev5 at tw5ty-"o1 0 abnormal4 ,n only _h ,i nev] smok$ tobacco nor t\*$ alcohol ( any description1 b ,i _h nev] yet set foot inside a !atre2 a race-c\rse ,i _h nev] se51 nor held a billi>d cue1 nor t\*$ a c>d4 ,i did n "k "o c>d f ano!r4 ,any game t might involve bett+ or gambl+ 0 ana!ma4 ,9 o!r ways1 too1 ,i _h be5 %elt]$ to ! po9t ( ignorance4 ,i _h nev] ev5 danc$4 ,to hold a "y woman r\nd ! wai/ 0 n alone immode/ b worse ?an immode/4 ,?is peculi>ly %elt]$ up-br++1 ?is protect$ hot-h\se ( boyhood & e>ly y\? to :i* a dr9k+ b> 0 ! ve/ibule ( hell1 & a music-hall an inv5tion ( a p]sonal devil1 are necess>y to und]/& ! reaction produc$ 9 me z ,i /ood 9 ,billy ,b+ham's 8jo9t40 ,i /ood1 lit]ally1 on ! br9k ( 8! d[nw>d pa?40 ,i he>d my fa!r's voice1 ,i saw my "m's eyes4444 ,9 v def9ite =m ,i n[ fac$ 8worldly temptation0 !y _h s (t5 w>n$ me aga9/4 ,accompany+ an almo/ audible memory ( 8,get !e beh9d me1 ,satan10 drove a cr[d$ kaleidoscope ( vivid pictures f ^? %elt]$ ye>s4 ,my p>5ts 7 bo? p ( m>k$ "*1 ) int5se convictions2 my "m1 especially1 be+ a woman ( great individuality1 ( iron re/ra9t1 grim hum\r1 yet ) a love & t5d]ness1 & a _s ( uncommon sacrifice1 t nev] t\*$ weakness4 ,%e possess$ p[]s ( m9d & judgm5t1 at ! same "t1 ( :i* my fa!r1 a public s]vant--f9ancial secret>y to ! ,po/ ,(fice--avail$ himself to ! full4 ,%e _h great p]sonal beauty4 ,a "y wid[1 h] fir/ husb& hav+ be5 ! #f? ,duke ( ,man*e/]1 also ( ! evangelical p]suasion1 %e met my fa!r at ,kimbolton soon aft] 8 return f ! ,crimean ,w>1 :]e he _h und]gone t religi\s *ange ( he>t kn[n to ! movem5t z 8conv]sion40 ,f a man ( fa%ion1 a lead] 9 ! social life to :i* he 0 born1 he *ang$ ) sudd5 complet5ess to a lead] 9 ! evangelical movem5t1 !n approa*+ its height4 ,he r5\nc$ ! _w1 ! fle%1 ! devil & all _! works4 ,! case ( 8,beauty ,blackwood10 to use ! nickname 8 unusual h&som5ess ga9$ = him1 01 9 its way1 notori\s4 ,he became a teetotall] & non-smok]1 wrote devotional books1 spoke 9 public1 & held draw+-room pray] meet+s1 ! ,bible always 9 8 pocket1 communion ) ,god always 9 8 he>t4 ,8 religion 0 g5u9e1 unfalt]+1 consi/5t & s9c]e4 ,he c>ri$ ! w> into 8 own late _w ( fa%ion4 ,he nev] once look$ back4 ,he knew a vivid joy1 a wondr\s peace1 8 pa9 be+ = o!rs only1 = ^? :o 7 n 8sav$40 ,! natural1 in/9ctive type he 01 ass]t$ its claim4 ,he became a g5u9e sa9t4 ,also1 to ! v end1 he rema9$ t o!r delightful ?+1 possible only to simple he>ts1 a boy4 ,bo? my p>5ts1 ?us1 believ$ 9 ,jesus1 ) a fai? ( t simple1 un%akable ord] t c\ld feel no d\bts4 ,_! lives 7 consi/5t &1 z mu/ always be ! case :5 f9e *>act]s are possess$ ( a p]fectly s9c]e fai?1 !y /ood out 9 ! _w ( m5 & wom5 z some?+ /rong & beautiful4 ,edmund ,gosse1 9 8,fa!r & ,son10 has describ$ ! m5tal attitude ( ! type2 ,william ,james might1 equally1 h includ$ my fa!r's case z a typical 8conv]sion0 9 8 8,v>ieties ( ,religi\s ,exp]i5ce40 ,! effect ^u ! *ildr5--!re 7 five ( u--foll[$ naturally4 ,my fa!r1 ap>t f incurr+ mu* public odium ow+ to 8 (ficial position1 f\nd himself1 & u ) him1 cut (f f ! am5ities ( ! social life to :i* we 7 o!rwise born4 ,ord9>y p1 8worldly0 z he call$ !m1 left u alone4 ,a h\se :]e no w9e 0 s]v$ at d9n]1 :]e morn+ & ev5+ pray]s 7 de rigueur1 a gue/ ev5 be+ ask$ to 8lead 9 pray]0 p]haps1 & :]e at any suitable mom5t y might be drawn aside & ask$ 8,h y giv5 y\r s\l to ,jesus80 0 n an attractive h\se to /ay 94 ,we 7 o/raciz$4 ,! effect ( su* disabilities ^u u 9 lat] life 0 n consid]$1 = x 0 hop$ ea* & all ( u w\ld consecrate ourselves to ,god4 ,we 71 ?us1 kept out ( ! 8_w0 9 e possible s5se & br\ght up1 ?\gh ) lavi% love & k9dness1 yet 9 ! n>r[e/ imag9able evangelical pa? :i* sc5ts dang] 9 k ( any k9d n positively helpful to ! s\l4 ,i1 p]sonally1 at t "t1 reg>d$ ! temptations ( ! _w ) a remote pity1 & ) a c]ta9ty t ,i %\ld nev] h ! lea/ difficulty 9 resi/+ !m4 ,m5 :o smok$ & drank & 7 immoral1 :o gambl$1 w5t to !atres & music-halls & race-meet+s1 belong$ to ! subm]g$ & unwor?y portion ( mank9d4 ,i1 9 ?is respect at lea/1 0 ( ! elect1 q sure t ! weakness ( _! _w c\ld nev] /a9 me p]sonally4 ,yet ,i nev] %>$ ! beliefs ( my p>5ts ) any?+ l g5u9e pleasure4 ,i 0 afraid !y 7 true1 n glad4 ,)\t :olehe>t$ly %>+ my fa!r's fai?1 h[ev]1 8 religi\s & emotional temp]am5t1 ) its imp]i\s ne$ ( believ+ some?+1 he c]ta9ly bequea!d to me4444 ,! evangelical & revivali/ movem5t1 at any rate1 0 ! dom9ant influ5ce 9 my boyhood's ye>s4 ,p 7 %>ply divid$ into s\ls t 7 sav$ & ^? t 7--n sav$4 ,moody & ,sankey1 ! ,am]ican ,revivali/s1 /ay$ 9 our h\se4 ,i 0 p>ticul>ly influ5c$ 9 ?is direction by a gr\p ( "y ',v>sity m5 :o work$ ) ,moody1 & :o 7 manly fell[s1 good cricket]s1 l ! ,/udd bro!rs1 or ,/anley ,smi? & ,montague ,beau*amp1 m5 :o _h r[$ 9 _! ,univ]sity boats1 & :o 7 f> remov$ f any?+ effem9ate4 ,( c\rse ,i ?\ght t :at ^! m5 did c\ld n be o!rwise ?an f9e & wor? copy+1 & ,i lo/ no "t 9 attack+ ev]yone ,i met & ask+ ! mo/ imp]t95t que/ions ab\t _! s\ls & fall5 natures4 ,by "s lucky *ance no "o kick$ me to dea?--probably because mo/ ( my evangeliz+ "w 0 done at home6 ,my old nurse ,i implor$ to yield h]self up to ! ,savi\r1 & ,i felt my results 7 v poor 9 h] case because ,i only got affectionate c>esses & smiles1 & ev5 obs]vations ab\t ! holes 9 my clo!s1 9 return4 ,! fat butl] 7,i assur$ him7 0 go+ headlong d[n ! kit*5 /airs to ev]la/+ fire because he %[$ no symptoms ( ec/asy :5 he met my plead+s ) 8,o1 ,i'm sure ',e di$ = me all "r1 ,ma/] ,algie4 ,i don't feel a bit afraid60 ,b all ?is 0 g5u9e s f> z ,i 0 conc]n$1 & x la/$ a consid]able "t1 to my fa!r's great joy1 ?\gh n s mu*1 ,i ?9k1 to my "m's4 ,%e read f> deep] into ?+s4444 ,9 a %ort "t ,i came to look ^u ! :ole ph5om5a ( 8conv]sion10 s f> z my type ( m9d & "* 0 conc]n$1 ) di/ru/ & we>9ess4 ,only ! v topmo/ lay] ( my p]sonality 0 affect$2 evid5tly1 !re 0 no peace or happ9ess = me t way6 ,none ! less1 ,i _h "o or two t]rible mom5ts2 "o 7,i 0 read+ ) a private tutor 9 ,som]set = ,ed9burgh ,univ]sity7 :5 ,i woke 9 ! v e>ly morn+ ) a *ok+ s5sation 9 my ?roat1 & ?\ght ,i 0 go+ to die4 ,x mu/ h be5 m]ely acute indige/ion1 b ,i 0 conv9c$ my la/ mom5t _h come1 & fell into a sweat+ agony ( fe> & weakness4 ,i pray$ z h>d z ev] ,i c\ld1 swe>+ to consecrate myself to ,god if ,he w\ld pull me ?r\gh4 ,i ev5 v[$ ,i w\ld become a mission>y & "w among ! hea!n1 ?an :i*1 ,i 0 always told1 !re 0 no high] type ( manhood4 ,b ! pa9 & *ok+ did n pass1 & 9 despair ,i got up & swall[$ half a bottle ( pilules ( aconite :i* my "m1 an ard5t homopa?i/1 always advis$ me to take aft] sneez+ or cold %iv]s4 ,!y 7 sweet & v nice1 & ! pa9 c]ta9ly began to pass away1 b only to leave me ) a remorse t ,i _h all[$ a m]e human m$ic9e to accompli% naturally :at ,god wi%$ to accompli% by ,8 grace4 ,he _h be5 s sl[ ab\t x1 h[ev]1 t ,i felt also a k9d ( ang] t ,he c\ld torture me s long1 & z x 0 ! aconite t cur$ me1 & n ,8 grace1 ,i 0 c]ta9ly releas$ f my promise to become a mission>y & "w among ! hea!n4 ,& = ?is small m]cy ,i 0 duly ?ankful1 ?\gh ! escape _h be5 a r n>r[ "o4 ,a ye> & a half 9 a s*ool ( ! ,moravian ,bro!rhood 9 ! ,black ,=e/1 ?\gh x %[$ me ano!r aspect ( ! same g5]al l9e ( belief1 did n :olly oblit]ate my fe> ( hell1 ) its correlat$ desire = salvation4 ,! poetry ( ! semi-religi\s life 9 t remote village set among anci5t haunt$ =e/s1 gave to natural ideali/ic t5d5cies ano!r turn4 ,! ma/]s1 :om we t]m$ ,bro!r1 7 /r5u\s1 devot$1 self-sacrific+ m51 all lat] to g =? z ,mission>ies to ,labrador4 ,humbug1 com=t1 p]sonal ambition play$ no "p 9 _! lives4 ,! ,liebesmahl 9 _! little wood5 *ur*1 = all its odd simplicity1 0 a g5u9e & impressive c]emony t t\*$ some?+ 9 me no *ur* s]vice at home1 ) ,sankey's hymns on a bad h>monium1 _h ev] rea*$4 ,at ?is ,communion ,s]vice1 or ,love ,fea/1 sweet1 weak tea 9 big :ite ?ick cups1 foll[$ by a clo!s-basket fill$ ) rolls1 7 h&$ r\nd1 fir/ to ! wom51 :o sat on "o side ( ! build+1 & !n to ! m5 & boys on ! o!r side4 ,!re 0 a collective reality ab\t ! little c]emony t t\*$ its s9c]ity ) beauty4 ,simil>ly 0 ,ea/] morn+ beautiful1 :5 we m>*$ 9 ! e>ly twilight t[>ds ! little cemet]y among ! l>* trees & /ood ) our hats (f r\nd an op5 grave1 wait+ 9 sil5ce = ! sunrise4 ,! air 0 cool & sc5t$1 our mood devotional & solemn4 ,!re 0 a s5se ( wond] among u4 ,!n1 z ! sun slipp$ up above ! leagues ( =e/1 ! ,eight ,bro!rs1 s++ 9 p>ts1 l$ ! n9ety boys 9 ! great ,g]man hymn1 8,*ri/us i/ auf]/&544440 ,! surr\nd+s1 too1 ( ! s*ool influ5c$ me greatly4 ,^? leagues ( ,black ,=e/ roll+ ov] di/ant m\nta9s1 velvet-col\r$1 leap+ to ! sky 9 grey cliffs1 or pass+ quietly l ! sea 9 imm5se waves1 always s++ 9 ! w9ds1 haunt$ by elves & dw>fs & peopl$ by *>m+ leg5ds--^? =e/ glades1 deep 9 moss & cov]$ 9 spr+time ) wild lily-(-!-valley2 ^? tumbl+ /reams t ran = miles unse51 !n em]g$ to s]ve ! peasants by spla%+ noisily ov] ! clumsy wat]-:eel ( a br[n old sawmill be=e !y aga9 lo/ !mselves among ! mossy p9e roots2 ^? pools :]e wat]-pixies dwelt1 & ^? little r$ & br[n villages :]e we slept 9 our long walks--! :ole sett+ ( ?is ,moravian s*ool 0 s beautifully simple t x l5t j ! prop] atmosph]e = lives consecrat$ )\t fl\ri% ( trumpets to ,god4 ,x all left ^u me an impression ( gr&eur1 ( l(t9ess1 & ( real religion 444 & ( a ,deity n specially active on ,sundays only4 ,,*apt] ,v ,^! notes aim at describ+ m]ely c]ta9 surface episodes1 & w\ld leave unm5tion$ ( set purpose ^? inn] activities :i* p]ta9 to ! intimate /ruggles ( a gr[+ s\l4 ,!re is a veil ( privacy :i* only 9 r>e/ cases ( exceptional value %\ld be lift$4 ,t hone/y1 moreov]1 :i* is an ess5tial ( su* value1 seems almo/ unatta9able4 ,only a di>y1 writt5 at ! actual "t & int5d$ = no "o's eye1 c hope to a*ieve ! nak$ s9c]ity1 :i* c\ld make x useful to lift t veil4 ,yet1 ev5 ) ^! surface episodes1 some?+ ( ! backgr\nd aga9/ :i* !y danc$ & vani%$ mu/ be sket*$2 to und]/& !m1 some?+ ( ! individual :o exp]i5c$ !m mu/ be kn[n4 ,?is apology = s mu* use ( ! p]sonal pron\n is made once = all4 ,! failure ( ! evangelical ,*ri/ian tea*+ ei!r to attract deeply or to conv9ce1 has be5 indicat$4 ,an eag]1 impressionable m9d lay empty & un/imulat$4 ,x f$ ^u insipid /uff1 su* z ,longfell[1 ,mrs4 ,hemans1 goody-goody /ories1 & ?\s&s ( religi\s tracts4 ,x 0 ! days ( yell[-backs 9 ?ree volumes1 ( ,ouida especially1 ( ,miss ,braddon1 & ,wilkie ,coll9s2 b novels 7 /rictly =bidd5 9 ! h\se4 ,lewis ,c>roll1 :i* my fa!r (t5 read al\d1 & ,foxe's 8,book ( ,m>tyrs10 :i* made e ,roman ,ca?olic prie/ seem om9\s1 7 our imag9ative fiction4 ,b my *ief p]sonal delight 0 ,hebrew poetry1 ! ,psalms1 ! ,song ( ,solomon1 above all ! ,book ( ,job 7:i* ,i dev\r$ alone7--^! mov$ me 9 a diff]5t way & f> m deeply4 ,! m9d1 mean:ile1 )\t be+ consci\sly aw>e ( x1 0 se>*+ ) eag] if unrew>d$ zeal1 until "o day ,fate ?rew a /range book 9 its way--,patanjali's 8,yoga ,aphorisms10 a translation f ! ,sanskrit4 ,i 0 ab\t sev5te5 !n1 j home f a ye> & a half 9 ! ,moravian ,bro!rhood ,s*ool 9 ! ,black ,=e/4 ,i %all nev] =get t gold5 ,septemb] day :5 ! slight volume1 b\nd 9 blue1 fir/ caught my eye4 ,x 0 ly+ beside a %9y black bag on ! hall table1 & ! bag belong$1 ,i knew1 to a ,mr4 ,scott1 :o _h come to sp5d a week ) u & to hold a s]ies ( meet+s "u my fa!r's auspices 9 ! village hall4 ,mr4 ,scott 0 an ard5t revivali/4 ,he 0 also--?is ,i grasp$ ev5 at ! "t--a cadav]\s mass ( religi\s affectations4 ,he 0 writ+ a bro*ure1 ,i le>n$ lat]1 to w>n ,engl& t ,satan 0 br++ dang]\s ,ea/]n tea*+s to ! ,we/1 & ?is book 0 a fir/ pro( ( ! ,fi5d's diabolical purpose4 ,i op5$ x & read a few p>agraphs 9 ! hall4 ,i did n und]/& !m1 ?\gh !y someh[ held my m9d & produc$ a curi\s s5se ( famili>ity1 half ( wond]1 half ( satisfaction4 ,a deep] feel+ ?an ,i _h yet kn[n woke 9 me4 ,i 0 fasc9at$4444 ,my fa!r's voice call+ me to t5nis int]rupt$ my read+1 & ,i dropp$ ! book1 notic+ t x fell beh9d ! table4 ,h\rs lat]1 ?\gh ! bag 0 gone1 ! book lay :]e x _h fall54 ,i /ole x4 ,i took x to b$ ) me & read x ?r\gh f cov] to cov]4 ,i read x twice1 ?ree times2 bits ( x ,i copi$ out2 ,i did n und]/& a ^w ( x1 b a %utt] ru%$ up 9 my m9d1 int]e/ & joy 7 9 me1 a big tr\bl+ emotion1 a conviction t ,i _h f\nd some?+ ,i _h be5 seek+ hungrily = a long "t1 some?+ ,i ne$$1 some?+ t1 9 an odd way1 almo/ seem$ famili>4 ,i repeat--,i did n und]/& a ^w ( x1 :ile yet ! mean+less phrases caught me ) a revolution>y p[]4 ,z ,i read & re-read till my c&les gutt]$1 !re rose 9 me a dim consci\sness1 becom+ m & m a gr[+ c]ta9ty1 t :at ,i read 0 n entirely new4 ,s /rong 0 ?is t x dem&$ audible expression4 ,9 t sil5t b$room1 dawn n f> away1 ,i c he> myself say+ al\d3 8,b ,i've kn[n all ?is be=e--only ,i've =gott5 x40 ,ev5 ! ,sanskrit words1 giv5 phonetically 9 brackets1 _h a famili> look4 ,%utt] aft] %utt] rose1 8lift+ a veil & a d>kness10 lett+ 9 glimpses ( a radiant & excit+ light4 ,?\gh ! m9d 0 too untaught to grasp ! full significance ( ^! electric fla%es1 too un=m$ to be ev5 intellig5tly articulate ab\t !m1 !re c]ta9ly ru%$ ov] my be+ a s+ul> conviction ( ! unity ( life ev]y:]e & 9 ev]y?+--( its "o-ness4 ,t objects1 ! %ift+ appe>ance ( ph5om5a1 7 b a veil conceal+ "s int5sely beautiful reality--! beauty %9+ & div9e1 ! reality bit+ly1 t]rifically actual--?is p\r$ ov] me ) a s5se ( be+ n s mu* dis-cov]$ z re-cov]$4 ,ignorant z ,i 01 )\t facts or argum5ts or reason to support me1 ?is ,i knew4 ,x is possible ! awak5+ consci\sness fr+$ "s /ate ( ec/asy dur+ t long commun+ ) anci5t ?+s4444 ,! h\se1 at any rate1 0 /ill d>k1 b sunrise n long to come1 :5 at l5g? ,i /ole d[n into ! des]t$ hall & replac$ ! little book ^u ! table4 ,^? ,yoga aphorisms ( a long-dead ,h9du sage1 set betwe5 a gold5 ,septemb] ev5+ & a gutt]+ c&le1 m>k$ probably ! op5+ ( my m9d4444 ,! entire p>aph]nalia ( my evangelical tea*+ !nce=? began to )draw4 ,?\gh my fa!r's beliefs _h cut deep en\gh to influ5ce me = _m ye>s to come1 _! dread1 ) ! t]ror ( a p]sonal ,satan & an actual ,hell1 grew less f t mom5t4 ,! reality ( ! dogmas 0 impair$4 ,"h 0 ano!r outlook ^u life1 ano!r explanation ( ! _w2 caprice 0 elim9at$ & ju/ice ent]$2 ! pres5t 0 ! result ( ! pa/1 ! future det]m9$ by ! pres5t2 ,i mu/ reap :at ,i _h s[n1 b1 also1 ,i c\ld s[ :at ,i wi%$ to reap4 ,hope 0 born4 ,ap>t f ?is 0 t curi\s deep s5se ( famili>ity ) ^! ,ea/]n tea*+s1 z ) some?+ ,i und]/ood & 9 :i* ,i felt at home4444 ,cauti\sly1 ,i put indirect que/ions to my fa!r1 :o at once--! clumsy que/ions betray+ me--detect$ ,satan's subtle h&iwork4 ,he 0 grave & tr\bl$4 ,) affectionate solicitude he told me1 f9ally1 a /ory ( nave horror1 int5d$ to po9t ! w>n+4 ,a "y man1 :o suff]$ f repeat$ epileptic fits1 _h tri$ e doctor & speciali/ 9 va91 :51 z a la/ resort1 he foll[$ "s fri5d's c\nsel ( despair1 & consult$ a m$ium4 ,! m$ium1 hav+ conf]r$ ) 8 famili>1 h&$ ! pati5t a little locket :i* he 0 to we> day & night ab\t 8 neck1 b nev] on any acc\nt to op54 ,! spell t w\ld save him f a repetition ( 8 fits lay inside1 b he mu/ resi/ to ! dea? ! curiosity to read x4 ,to ! subsequ5t delight & amazem5t ( ev]ybody1 ! fits abruptly ceas$2 ! man 0 cur$2 until "o day1 aft] ye>s ( ob$i5ce1 curiosity ov]came him2 he op5$ ! brief inscription1 & fell d[n 9 a fit--dead4 ,! word+1 m9utely writt5 9 r$ ink1 ran z foll[s3 8,let him alone till he drop into ,hell60 ,! w>n+1 above all ! /ory1 act$ z a /imulus in/ead ( ! rev]se4 ,yet ano!r /range door 0 set aj>2 my eyes1 big ) wond] & que/ions1 pe]$ ?r\gh4 8,e>?'s ,e>lie/ ,ages10 by ,g4 ,h4 ,pemb]1 an evangelical1 b an imag9ative evangelical1 0 plac$ 9 my h&s1 accompani$ by fur!r solemn w>n+s4 ,pemb]1 a writ] ( ! prophetic s*ool1 _h /yle1 imag9ation1 a s5se ( ! m>vell\s1 a t\* ( g5u9e drama too2 he us$ sugge/ion admirably1 8 ,engli% 0 good1 he _h proportion1 he knew :]e to /op4 ,z a noveli/ ( fanta/ic k9d--an evangelical ,wells1 a 8conv]t$0 ,dunsany--he might h become a be/-sell]4 ,he _h1 moreov]1 a !me ( high imag9ative possibilities1 bas$ ^u a s5t5ce 9 ,g5esis 7vi4 #b7--8,! ,sons ( ,god saw ! ,daught]s ( m5 t !y 7 fair 444 & took to !mselves wives f among !m 444 & !re 7 giants 9 ! e>? 9 ^? days44440 ,^! ,sons ( ,god 7 "s k9d ( high] be+s1 mighty spirits1 angels ( a sort2 b r fall5 angels2 _! prog5y =m$ a race ap>t f humans2 = "s reason1 n[ slipp$ f my memory1 ,pemb] 0 conv9c$ t ?is unlawful procreation 0 be+ resum$ 9 mod]n days4 ,! ,nephilim1 z he call$ !m1 7 aim+ at control ( ! _w1 ,anti-,*ri/1 a gorge\s b appall+ figure1 naturally1 at _! head4 ,x 0 a magnific5t !me2 he treat$ x1 )9 ! limits he set himself1 ) +5i\s conviction4 ,! dang] 0 imm95t2 ! human race1 :ile %udd]+1 mu/ be on its gu>d4 ,9 ! night1 9 ! tw9kl+ ( an eye1 ! cata/rophe might come4 ,signs ! ,nephilim br\ght ) !m 7 spiritualism1 !osophy1 ! developm5t ( secret p[]s lat5t 9 man1 a new & awful type ( consci\sness1 magic1 & all ! re/ ( ! 8occult0 movem5t t 0 beg9n+ to %[ its hydra head ab\t ?is "t4 ,9 a mom5t ,moody w5t to ! bottom ( ! class1 & ,pemb] reign$ 9 8 /ead4 ,by hook or by crook ,i obta9$ ! books t ,pemb] signall$ z s dang]\sly subv]sive ( ! tru?3 8,magic ,black & ,:ite0 by ,dr4 ,franz ,h>tmann2 8,! ,p]fect ,way10 by ,anna ,k+s=d & ,edw>d ,maitl&2 8,esot]ic ,buddhism10 by ,a4 ,p4 ,s9nett2 8,voice ( ! ,sil5ce10 by ,mabel ,coll9s2 8,! ,bhagavad ,gita10 f ! ,upani%ads2 & ,emma ,h>d+e ,britt5's 8,hi/ory ( ,am]ican ,spiritualism40 ,my fir/ delici\s al>m le/ ! sky might fall any mom5t1 & ,satan appe> ) ! great & t]rible ,nephilim pr9ces to rule ! _w1 became less ?reat5+4444 ,soon aft]w>ds1 too1 ,i happ5$ ^u my fir/ novel1 ,laur5ce ,oliphant's 8,massollam10 foll[$1 a good deal lat]1 by 8 8,sci5tific ,religion0 & 8 8,sympneumata40 ,?is hi/ory ( 8 amaz+ subs]vi5ce to ,?omas ,luke ,h>ris help$ to peel ano!r ?9 sk9 f my eyes2 ,oliphant seem$ a h]o1 b ,h>ris a vile humbug4 ,by ?is "t o!r books _h br\ght gri/ to ! mill z well3 ,amiel's 8,j\rnal ,intime02 ,drummond's 8,natural ,law 9 ! ,spiritual ,_w0--,i knew ,pr(essor ,drummond lat]1 :5 he came to /ay ) u1 & also :5 he lectur$ to ! /ud5ts at ,ed9burgh on ,sunday nights1 com+ f 8 ,glasg[ ,*air = ! purpose3 ,i c /ill see 8 l>ge1 gl[+1 f>-see+ eyes--,cahagnet's 8,arcanes de la ,vie ,future02 & 8,animal ,magnetism10 by ,b9et & ,fr4 ,! exp]im5ts ( ,braid1 & ,dr4 ,esdaille 9 ,india1 _h also come my way4 ,su* "o-sid$ read+1 ( c\rse1 f$ ! gr[+ s5se ( wond]1 naturally /rong 9 any case2 ,%elley col\r$ x2 & no?+ (f]$ itself at ! "t to curb1 %ape or qualify x4 ,spiritualism1 ap>t f ! excit+ ph5om5a x promis$ ) su* confid5t volubility1 left me r un/irr$1 b !osophy1 ( c\rse1 ,i swall[$ :ole1 ) its ,mahatmas1 developm5t ( lat5t p[]s1 memory ( pa/ lives1 a/ral consci\sness1 & description ( o!r be+s bo? sup]ior & inf]ior to man4 ,x 0 "s ye>s be=e sci5tific read+ came to *eck & guide a too exub]ant imag9ation2 b1 ev5 s ,i h always tak5 ideas :]e ,i f\nd !m1 reg>dless ( _! prop\nd]s2 if ,tibet & its %9+ ,mahatmas fad$1 ! !ories ( ,k>ma & re9c>nation 7 old] ?an any mod]n movem5t1 & ! belief 9 ext5sion ( consci\sness to "s n? degree1 ) its correlative ( great] p[]s & new faculties1 h n only rema9$ ) me1 b h ju/ifi$ !mselves4 ,! 8,gita10 too1 rema9s ! pr(\nde/ _w-scripture ,i h ev] read4 ,an imm$iate1 happy result ( ?is odd read+1 at any rate1 ,i recall ) pleasure3 my fa!r's ,*ri/ianity became spl5did 9 my eyes4 ,i realiz$1 ev5 !n1 t x satisfi$ 8 p>ticul> & individual vision ( tru?1 :ile ! fact t he liv$ up to 8 beliefs nobly & consi/5tly woke a new respect & admiration 9 me4444 ,by f> ! /ronge/ influ5ce 9 my life1 h[ev]1 0 ,nature2 x betray$ itself e>ly1 gr[+ 9 int5sity ) e ye>4 ,br++ com=t1 companion%ip1 inspiration1 joy1 ! spell ( ,nature has rema9$ dom9ant1 a truly magical spell4 ,always imm5se & pot5t1 ! ye>s h /r5g!n$ x4 ,! e>ly feel+ t ev]y?+ 0 alive1 a dim s5se t "s k9d ( consci\sness /ruggl$ ?r\gh e =m1 ev5 t a sort ( in>ticulate communication ) ?is 8o!r life0 0 possible1 c\ld ,i b discov] ! way--^! moods col\r$ its op5+ wond]4 ,nature1 at any rate1 produc$ effects 9 me t only some?+ liv+ c\ld produce2 ?\gh n till ,i read ,fe*n]'s 8,z5d-,ave/a10 &1 lat] /ill1 ,james's 8,plurali/ic ,univ]se10 & ,dr4 ,r4 ,m4 ,bucke's 8,cosmic ,consci\sness0 did a possible mean+ come to %ape my emotional disord]4 ,fairy tales1 9 ! mean:ile bor$ me4 ,real facts 7 :at ,i s\ght4 ,t ^! exi/$1 t ,i _h once kn[n !m b _h n[ =gott5 !m1 0 ?us an e>ly imag9ative conviction4 99 99 99 99 99 ,?is t5d5cy %[$ itself ev5 9 *ildhood4 ,we _h left ! ,manor ,h\se1 ,cray=d1 & n[ liv$ 9 a delightful h\se at ,%ortl&s1 9 ^? days semi-c\ntry4 ,x 0 ! "t ( my horrible private s*ools--,i w5t to f\r or five--b ! holidays af=d$ opportunities4444 ,i 0 a dreamy boy1 frequ5tly 9 te>s ab\t no?+ except a vague horror ( ! practical _w1 full ( wild fancies & imag9ation & a great believ] 9 gho/s1 commun+s ) spirits & deal+s ) *>ms & amulets1 :i* latt] ,i inv5t$ & consecrat$ myself by ! doz54 ,?is 0 long be=e ,i _h read a s+le book4 ,i lov$ to climb out ( ! w9d[s at night ) a ladd]1 & creep among ! %ad[s ( ! kit*5 g>d51 pa/ ! rose trees & "u ! fruit-tree wall1 & s on to ! pond :]e ,i c\ld laun* ! boat & practise my incantations 9 ! v middle among ! float+ we$s t cov]$ ! surface 9 great yell[-gre5 pat*es4 ,trees grew closely r\nd ! banks1 & ev5 on cle> nights ! />s c\ld h>dly pi]ce ?r\gh1 & all sorts ( be+s wat*$ me sil5tly f ! %ore1 cr[d+ among ! tree /ems1 & :isp]+ to !mselves ab\t :at ,i 0 do+4 ,i _c say ,i ev] believ$ actually t my spells w\ld produce any results1 b x pleas$ & ?rill$ me to ?9k t !y might d s2 t ! scum ( we$s might sl[ly "p to %[ ! face ( a wat]-nixie1 or t ! =ms hov]+ on ! banks might flit across to me & let me see _! outl9e aga9/ ! />s4 ,ev]y?+ ,i did & felt 9 ?is way 0 evolv$ out ( my inn] consci\sness1 & ev5 aft] ,i _h pass$ into long tr\s]s ,i lov$ ! night1 ! %ad[s1 empty rooms & haunt$ woods4 ,on return+ f ^! nightly exp$itions to ! pond1 ! sight ( ! old c\ntry-h\se aga9/ ! sky always excit$ me /rangely4 ,?ree c$>s ( ,lebanon flank$ x on ! side ,i climb$ out1 t[]+ al(t ) _! great fun]eal bran*es1 & ,i ?\ght ( all ! p asleep 9 _! sil5t rooms1 & wond]$ h[ !y c\ld be s dull & un5t]pris+1 :5 out "h !y c\ld see ^! sweep+ bran*es & he> ! w9d sigh+ s beautifully among ! ne$les4 ,^! p1 x seem$ to me at su* mom5ts1 belong$ to a diff]5t race4 ,i _h no?+ 9 common ) !m4 ,night & />s & trees & w9d & ra9 7 ! ?+s ,i _h to d ) & want$4 ,!y 7 alive & p]sonal1 /irr+ my dep?s )91 full ( messages & mean+s1 :]eas my p>5ts & si/]s & bro!r1 all indoors & asleep1 7 m]e accid5ts1 & ap>t f my real life & self4 ,my fri5d ! "u-g>d5] always took ! ladd] away e>ly 9 ! morn+4 ,sometimes an eld] si/] accompani$ me on ^! excursions4 ,%e1 too1 lov$ my/]y1 & ! peopl$ d>kness1 b %e 0 also practical4 ,on return+ to h] room 9 ! e>ly morn+ we always f\nd eggs ready to boil1 cake & cold plum-pudd+ p]haps1 or "s su* satisfy+ morsels to fill ! void4 ,%e 0 always wond]ful to me 9 ^? days4 ,v h&some1 d>k1 ) gl[+ eyes & a ke5 int]e/ 9 ! und]tak+1 %e came d[n ! ladd] & /epp$ along ! g>d5 pa?s m l a fairy be+ ?an a mortal1 & ,i always enjoy$ ! ev5t twice z mu* :5 %e accompani$ me4 ,9 ! day-"t %e fad$ back into ! dull eld] si/] & seem$ a diff]5t p]son altoge!r4 ,i nev] reconcile ! two4 ,?is *ildi% manife/ation ( an ov]p[]+ passion *ang$ lat]1 9 =m1 ( c\rse1 b n ess5tially mu* 9 _s4 ,=e/s1 m\nta9s1 desolate places1 especially p]haps op5 spaces l ! prairies or ! des]t1 b ev51 too1 ! simple fields1 ! lanes1 & little hills1 (f]$ an actual s5se ( companion%ip no human int]c\rse c\ld possibly provide4 ,9 times ( tr\ble1 z equally 9 times ( joy1 x 0 to ,nature ,i ev] turn$ in/9ctively4 ,9 ^? mom5ts ( deepe/ feel+ :5 individuals mu/ necess>ily be alone1 yet /& at ! same "t 9 mo/ urg5t ne$ ( und]/&+ companion%ip1 x 0 ,nature & ,nature only t c\ld com=t me4 ,:5 ! cable came1 sudd5ly ann\nc+ my fa!r's dea?1 ,i ran /raight into ! woods4444 ,?is call s\nd$ above all o!r calls1 music com+ s f> beh9d x z to seem an 8also ran40 ,ev5 9 ^? few1 r>e times ( lat] life1 :5 ,i fanci$ myself 9 love1 ?is spell w\ld op]ate--a s\nd ( ra91 a c]ta9 t\* ( col\r 9 ! sky1 ! sc5t ( a wood-fire smoke1 ! lovely cry ( "s s++ w9d aga9/ ! walls or w9d[--& ! human appeal w\ld fade 9 me1 or1 at lea/1 its transitory "* become pitifully reveal$4 ,! /range s5se ( a on5ess ) ,nature 0 an imp]i\s & royal spell t ov]-ma/]$ all o!r spells1 nor c ! h9t ( com$y less5 its reality4 ,its religi\s orig9 appe>s1 p]haps1 9 ! fact t sometimes1 dur+ its fulle/ manife/ation1 a desire /irr$ 9 me to leave a practical1 utilit>ian _w ,i loa!d & become--a monk6 ,ano!r effect1 9 tr\bl$ lat] ye>s especially1 0 noticeable2 its dw>f+ effect ^u ! ev5ts1 :atev] !y might be1 ( daily life4 ,s int5se1 s flood+1 0 ! elation ( joy ,nature br\ght1 t aft] su* mom5ts ev5 ! grave/ worldly matt]s1 z well z ! p conc]n$ 9 ^!1 seem$ trivial & insignificant4 ,nature introduc$ a va/] scale ( p]spective aga9/ :i* a tru] proportion appe>$4 ,!re lay 9 ! exp]i5ce "s cosmic t\* ( glory t1 by contra/1 left all else commonplace & unimportant4 ,! great gods ( w9d & fire & e>? & wat] swept by on flam+ />s1 & ! ord9>y life ( ! little planet seem$ v small1 man ) 8 t9y passions & few ye>s ( /ruggle & va9 long+s1 almo/ futile4 ,"o's own tr\bles1 se5 9 ?is new p]spective1 disappe>$1 :ile1 at ! same "t1 ! he>t fill$ ) an imm5se und]/&+ love & *>ity t[>ds all ! _w--:i*1 alas1 also soon disappe>$4 ,x is difficult to put into intelligible1 conv9c+ words ! irresi/ible "* ( ?is ,nature-spell t invades he>t & bra9 l a dr5*+ sea1 & produces a s5se ( rapture1 ( ec/asy1 comp>$ to :i* ! highe/ conceivable worldly joy becomes m]ely insipid4444 ,heat f ?is magical s\rce 0 always m or less pres5t 9 my m9d f a v e>ly age1 ?\gh1 ( c\rse1 no attempt to analyse or expla9 x 0 !n possible2 b1 9 bitt] ye>s to come1 ! joy & com=t ,nature gave became a real & only solace4 ,:5 possession 0 at its full height1 ! ord9>y _w1 & my p>ticul> little tr\bles ) x1 fell away l s mu* du/2 ! :ole fabric ( m5 & wom51 comm]ce & politics1 ev5 ! de/9ies ( nations1 became a pass+ %[ ( %ad[s1 :ile ! visible & tangible _w %[$ itself z b a tempor>y & limit$ repres5tation ( a real _w else:]e ^: ?re%old ,i _h = a mom5t t\*$4 ,o!rs1 ( c\rse1 h kn[n simil> exp]i5ces1 b1 be+ bett] equipp$1 h und]/ood h[ to correlate !m to ord9>y life4 ,ri*>d ,jeff]ies expla9$ !m4 ,:itman ta/$ expansion ( consci\sness 9 _m ways2 ,fe*n] made a gr&iose sy/em ( !m2 ,edw>d ,c>p5t] delib]ately welcom$ !m2 ,jacob ,boehme1 ,plot9us1 & _m o!rs h tri$ to fix _! nature & ess5ce 9 t]ms1 respectively1 ( religion & philosophy2 & ,william ,james has review$ !m ) an insight z ?\gh he _h _h exp]i5c$ !m himself4 ,:atev] _! value1 !y rema9 au!ntic1 ! s5se ( on5ess ( life _! common d5om9ator1 a conviction ( consci\sness p]vad+ all =ms ev]y:]e _! insep>able *>act]i/ic4 ,if ,k5ti% g>d5s saw ! bir? ( ?is delight1 ! ,black ,=e/ (f]$ fur!r opportunities = its enjoym5t1 & a ye> 9 a village ( ! ,swiss ,jura ,m\nta9s to le>n ,fr5*--,i (t5 w&]$ all night 9 ! big p9e =e/s )\t my tutor1 a bee-keep+ pa/eur1 at ,ble1 ne> ,neu*tel1 discov]+ my abs5ce--int5sifi$ x4 ,)\t x some?+ />v$ 9 me4 ,x 0 a p]si/5t crav+1 (t5 a wa/+ no/algia1 t cri$ = satisfaction z ! :ole body cries = cov]+ :5 cold1 & ,nature provid$ a companion%ip1 a joy1 a bliss1 t no human int]c\rse has ev] approa*$1 mu* less equall$4 ,x rema9s ! ke5e/1 deepe/ s5sation ( its k9d ,i h kn[n4444 ,"h1 9 ,toronto1 opportunities multipli$1 & j :5 !y 7 ne$$3 9 times ( difficulty & tr\ble ! call ( ,nature became p>am\nt2 dur+ ! vicissitudes ( dairy & hotel ! wild h9t]l& beh9d ! t[n1 ) its lakes & =e/s1 7 a hav5 (t5 s\ght4 ,among my fri5ds 7 _m1 ( c\rse1 :o enjoy$ a day 89 ! c\ntry10 b "o man only :o und]/ood a little ! feel+s ,i h tri$ to describe1 ev5 if he did n :olly %>e !m4 ,?is 0 ,arnold ,haulta91 a m>ri$ man1 ti$ to an (fice all day long1 private secret>y to ,goldw9 ,smi? 7^: life1 ,i ?9k1 he subsequ5tly wrote71 & editor ( a weekly p]iodical call$ ,! ,week4 ,he 0 my s5ior by _m ye>s4444 ,at ?ree 9 ! morn+1 sometimes1 he w\ld call = me at ! dairy 9 ,college ,/reet1 & we w\ld tramp out miles to enjoy ! magic ( sunrise 9 a wood nor? ( ! city4 ,& su* an ef=t 0 only possible to a s\l to :om x 0 a necessity4444 ,! int5sity ( e>ly dreams & aspirations1 :at en]gy lies 9 !m6 ,9 lat] life1 ?\gh !y may h solidifi$ & become "p ( ! "*1 t orig9al fi]y en]gy is gone4 ,a dreadful dogg]el ,i wrote at ?is "t1 ,haulta9 us$ 9 8 pap]1 & its reveal+ betrayal ( inn] t5d5cies is ! excuse = its reproduction "h4 ,x appe>$ ! same week its au?or b\ght ! ,hub ,hotel & />t$ bus9ess ) ,kay1 z 8,! ,hub ,w9e ,company40 ,,l9es ,,to ,a ,,dream] ,o *ange all ?is ?9k+1 imag9+1 hop+ to be2 ,*ange dream+ to action & "w2 !re's a ,god 9 y\r w4 ,self-ma/]y & c\rage & confid5ce make a man free1 ,& do+ is /rong] ?an dream+ = good or = ill4 ,!n make a beg9n+2 don't lie l an infant & weep4 ,beg9 ) ! de>e/ & cru% "s delight-giv+ s9 ,"r out ( y\r life1 ) a purpose ( dea? be=e sleep2 ,a passion controll$ is an index ( p[] )94 ,"s h>d self-d5ial2 let no "o suspect x at all4 ,) ru?less self-torture cont9ue1 nor half an in* yield1 ,/ep fe>less & bravely2 hold on & believe--y won't fall2 ,companions y've none b ! be/ on ?is grim battlefield4 ,/agnation means dea?4 ,if y _c advance y retreat2 ,/eel purpose ma9ta92 let x be ! fir/ aim ( y\r life2 ,bew>e ( ^? mu%room resolves z impulsive z fleet1 ,& rememb]1 ! nobl] ! end ! m deadly ! /rife4 ,= ! hope t ano!r may save y is c[>d & va91 ,& ! ladd]1 by :i* y mu/ climb to yon f> />ry height1 ,is ( ca/-iron rungs f ! furnace ( suff]+ & pa94 ,!n =w>d2 & c\rage6 f d>kness to tru?'s gold5 light4 ,,*apt] ,,vi ,! pictures t h occupi$ two *apt]s1 fla%$ & vani%$1 la/+ a few mom5ts only4 ,x 0 ,kay's voice t int]rupt$ !m3 8,?is is my p>tn]1 ,mr4 ,blackwood10 he 0 say+1 z he came f ! d9+-room door1 accompani$ by an und]siz$ little man ) %>p1 beady eyes set 9 a face l a rat's1 ) deep l9es ^u a sk9 z :ite z pap]4 ,i %ook h&s ) ,billy ,b+ham1 proprietor ( ! ,hub1 ! man ^: disreputable "* _h made x a disgrace to ! ,city ( ,*ur*es4 ,( ! conv]sation t foll[$1 ?\gh ,i he>d e ^w ( x1 only a blurr$ memory rema9$ :5 we left ! build+ half an h\r lat]4 ,i 0 9 two worlds--innoc5t ,k5t & up-to-date ,toronto--:ile ,kay & ,b+ham talk$4 ,my/]i\s phrases *as$ pregnant bus9ess t]ms 9 quick succession3 ,goodwill1 /ock 9 h&1 buy+ liquor at ?irty days1 ca% value ( ! lic5ce1 & heav5 kn[s :at else besides4 ,kay 0 m>vell\s1 ,i ?\ght4 ,! sport+ goods bus9ess _h app>5tly taught him ev]y?+4 ,two hundr$ p] c5t4 pr(it1 rapid turn ov]1 sell out at top price1 7 o!r vivid s5t5ces ,i caught 9 "p1 :ile ,i />$ & li/5$1 feign+ no d\bt a compreh5sion t 0 n m9e4 ,! gl[ ( imm5se success to come1 at any rate1 %one someh[ ab\t ! na/y face ( t cunn+ little ,billy ,b+ham1 z he pa9t$ our future 9 radiant col\rs4 ,kay 0 beam+4 8,a %ort p]iod ( horror10 ,i rememb] ?9k+1 = ! sangu9e fires lit me too1 8& we %all be indep5d5t m56 ,x's probably wor? x4 ,canada's a free c\ntry4 ,:at's impossible at home is possible "h4 ,opportunities mu/ be seiz$44460 ,!n ,b+ham's :ite face retreat$1 8 beady eyes became tw9 po9ts ( glitt]+ light1 & ano!r picture slid noiselessly be=e !m4 ,eu/on ,/ation a few %ort mon?s ago1 myself tightly w$g$ 9 a cr[d$ ?ird-class c>riage1 ! tra9 to ,liv]pool sl[ly mov+ out1 & my fa!r's tall figure /&+ on ! plat=m--?is picture hid ! ,hub & ,b+ham & ,john ,kay4 ,! s]i\s blue eyes1 fix$ on m9e ) love & t5d]ness1 c\ld n conceal ! deep anxiety !y betray$ = my future4 ,beh9d !m1 ?\gh actually at ! ,manor ,h\se1 ,cray=d1 fix$ on a page ( ! ,bible1 or p]haps clos$ 9 e>ne/ pray]1 ! eyes ( my "m rose up too4444 ,! tra9 mov$ fa/]1 ! upright figure & ! grave1 sad face1 ?\gh lit by a mom5t>y smile ( enc\ragem5t1 7 hidd5 sl[ly by ! edge ( ! c>riage w9d[4 ,i 0 too %y to wave my h&1 & f> too s5sitive ( :at ! c>riage-full ( m5 w\ld ?9k if ,i mov$ to ! w9d[ & spoke1 or worse1 gave ! good-bye kiss ,i burn$ to give4 ,s ! /raight l9e ( t implacable wood5 sa% slid across bo? face & figure1 cutt+ our />e cruelly 9 ! middle4 ,x 0 ! la/ "t ,i saw my fa!r2 a ye> lat] he 0 dead2 & t5 ye>s 7 to pass be=e ,i saw my "m aga94 ,be=e ?is--to look ahead = a second--"s ent]pris+ ,toronto fri5d1 ) evangelical tact1 wrote to my fa!r 444 8y\r son is keep+ a tav]n10 & my fa!r1 call+ my bro!r into 8 /udy :]e he laid all problems be=e 8 ,god ) pray]1 told him 9 a brok5 voice & ) te>s 9 8 eyes3 8,he is lo/2 8 s\l is lo/4 ,algie has gone to--,hell60444 ,my vision fad$4 ,my broad-%\ld]$ fri5d & 8 little rat-fac$ companion /ood ) _! elb[s on ! b>4 ,i saw six small glasses & a big d>k bottle4 ,?ree ( ! =m] 7 fill$ to ! brim ) neat rye :isky1 ! o!r ?ree1 8! *as]s0 z !y 7 call$1 held soda-wat]4 8,dr9k he>ty10 rasp$ ,b+ham's grat+ voice1 z he toss$ d[n 8 liquor at a gulp1 ,kay do+ ! same1 !n swall[+ ! soda-wat]4 ,i mov$ to ! sw+-doors4 ,i _h nev] t\*$ spirits1 & loa!d ! m]e smell ( !m4 ,i _c pret5d t any pr9ciple 0 involv$2 x 0 simply t ! m]e idea ( swall[+ raw :isky gave me nausea4 ,i saw ,kay give me a quick look4 8,he'll be (f5d$ if y don't take some?+10 x said pla9ly4 ,i 01 besides1 famili> ) ! cu/oms ( ! c\ntry1 at any rate 9 !ory4 8,h some?+ else10 invit$ ,b+ham1 8if y don't l x /raight40 ,i %ook my head1 mumbl+ some?+ ab\t x's be+ too e>ly 9 ! day1 & ,i %all nev] =get ! look t came into t cunn+ little face4 ,b he 0 n (f5d$4 ,he put 8 h& on ,kay's arm4 8,n[1 see "h10 he said ) s]i\sness1 8t's dead "r4 ,t's good bus9ess e "t4 ,nev] dr9k y\rselves1 & y'll make x a success4 ,y\r p>tn]'s got ! "r idea1 & ,i tell y /raight3 nev] t\* a drop ( liquor till aft] clos+ h\rs4 ,y'll be ask$ to dr9k all day long4 ,ev]ybody w want to dr9k ) ! new managem5t4 ,e cu/om] t walks 9 w say #8,:at's y\rs8' be=e y ev5 "k 8 "n4 ,n[1 see "h1 boys1 li/5 to me--y c't d x6 ,y'll be bl9d to ! _w be=e elev5 o'clock4 ,i tell y1 & ,i "k60 8,h[ are y to refuse80 ask$ ,kay4 8,i'll give y a tip3 dr9k tea60 8,tea60 8,h y\r bottle ( tea4 ,tell y\r b>-t5d]s4 ,x's ! same col\r z rye :isky4 ,no "o'll ev] "k4 ,! boss c always h 8 own private bottle4 ,well1 y\rs is tea4 ,see80 ,& he w9k$ ) a le] l "s intellig5t reptile4 ,we %ook h&s1 z he saw u into ! /reet4 8,y'll take a *eque1 ,i suppose80 ,i he>d ,kay say j be=e we mov$ (f4 8,a m>k$ *eque1 yes10 0 ! reply4 ,! phrase meant t ! bank m>k$ ! *eque z good = ! am\nt4 8,x's all fix$ !n10 return$ ,kay4 8,all fix$10 said ,b+ham1 & ! sw+-doors clos$ ^u 8 unpleasant face z we w5t out into ! /reet4 ,,*apt] ,,vii ,! influ5ces t decid$ ! pur*ase ( ! ,hub 7 emotional1 at any rate1 n rational2 !re lay "s reaction 9 me1 z ( revolt4 8,y c d ?+s out "h y c\ld n d at home10 ran l a song ?r\gh ! he>t all day long1 & life seem$ to hold its arms wide op54 ,=tunes 7 quickly made4 ,speculation 0 rife4 ,pork w5t up & :eat w5t d[n1 & ?\s&s 7 made or lo/ 9 a few h\rs4 ,no ent]prise 0 despis$1 provid$ x succe$$4 ,all ?is _h its effect ^u an impressionable & ignorant y\? ^: m9d n[ t\*$ s-call$ real life = ! fir/ "t4 ,! example ( o!rs _h its influ5ce1 too4 ,! t[n 0 spr9kl$ ) "y ,engli%m51 b untra9$ ,engli%m5 ! c\ntry did n ne$1 ?\gh x ne$$ _! money2 & ?is money !y spe$ily ex*ang$1 j z ,i _h done1 = exp]i5ce--& !n tri$ to f9d "w4 ,! pa?os ( x all 01 ?\gh1 t = an av]age "y ,engli%man to f9d a dec5t job 0 impossible4 ,i 0 among ! unsuccessful ones4 ,kay 0 ano!r1 b ,kay & myself 7 n[--we ?\ght--to prove ! exception4 8,we'll %[ 'em60 0 ! way ,kay's sangu9e tw5ty-?ree ye>s phras$ x4 ,we bo? knew m5 ( spl5did education & real ability1 e>n+ prec>i\s liv+s 9 positions t w\ld h be5 ludicr\s if !y 7 n s pa!tic4 ,m5 f ,ox=d & ,cambridge1 ) fir/ rate classical tra9+1 7 sl++ dr9ks beh9d b>s1 or runn+ ab\t ! c\ntry p]suad+ ! f>m]s to insure _! /acks & ou?\ses2 o!rs ) k ( languages & pron\nc$ lit]>y tal5t 7 add+ figures 9 subord9ate positions 9 brok]s' (fices4 ,b by f> ! great] numb] 7 work+ z common lab\r]s = small f>m]s all ov] ! c\ntry4 8,!y miss$ _! *ance :5 x came10 ,kay repeat$4 8,we won't miss ours4 ,a *ance l ! ,hub won't come twice40 ,a ye> ( disagreeable1 uncong5ial "w & !n--success6 ,retire6 ,(f to ! primeval woods1 canoes1 ,indians1 camp fires1 books 444 a doz5 dreams flam$ up4 ,)9 a mon? we _h complet$ ! pur*ase1 & ! ,hub op5$ ) fly+ col\rs & high hopes2 ! newspap]s gave u :at !y call$ a 8s5d (f02 bo? 8,h\se ( ,lords0 & 8,h\se ( ,commons0 7 pack$2 ! ca%-regi/]s click$ & rang all day1 & ! ,hub1 swept & g>ni%$1 fairly sp>kl$ ) ! atmosph]e ( success1 congratulations1 & promise ( good bus9ess4 ,billy ,b+ham's association ) x 0 a ?+ ( ! pa/2 x became ! mo/ respectable place ( its k9d 9 ! :ole t[n4 ,all day long ! %oal ( cu/om]s flock$ 9 & rattl$ _! money across ! busy c\nt]s4 ,ea* individual want$ a ^w ) ! proprietors4 ,buy]s & brew]y ag5ts p\r$ 9 too1 ask+ = ord]s1 & newspap] report]s took notes = descriptive articles :i* duly appe>$ next morn+4 ,! d9+-room did a ro>+ trade & e /ool at ! long lun* c\nt] _h its occupant4 ,h[ easy x all seem$6 ,& no "o ! worse = liquor6 ,ev]ybody 0 beam+1 &1 z a p>tn] 9 ! ,hub ,w9e ,company1 ,i already felt t my failure 9 ! dairy f>m 0 =gott51 an unlucky incid5t at mo/2 a boyi% episode due to inexp]i5ce1 b n[ aton$ =4 ,"l ,duff]91 a few ye>s be=e1 _h be5 ,gov]nor-,g5]al ( ,canada1 & a huge fram$ photograph ( him hung above ! cold meat1 game pies & salads ( ! lun* c\nt]4 ,a connexion ( my fa!r's1 ! newspap]s _h insi/$ ^u a clos] relation%ip1 & :ile "s ?\ght he w\ld d bett] z a fir/ c\s91 o!rs pref]r$ him z my uncle4 ,z an exce$+ly popul> ,gov]nor-,g5]al1 8 place above ! good ,canadian food seem$ appropriate at any rate1 & ! numb] ( cu/om]s1 bo? kn[n & unkn[n1 :o congratulat$ me ^u our di/+ui%$ fram$ patron1 gave me ! odd feel+ t someh[ ! %ock to my fa!r 0 !reby less5$4 ,! /ories ( :at ,duff]9 & 8 wife _h done = ,tom1 ,dick & ,h>ry1 = _! wives & _! *ildr5 or _! dogs1 told to me beside our ,h\se ( ,lords' b> t op5+ day prov$ good = bus9ess4 ,i _h come to ! colony some:at ov]burd5$ ) di/+ui%$ relations ( heavy calibre :o1 to ext5d ! simile a little1 nei!r n[ nor lat]1 ev] fir$ a s+le %ot on my behalf4 ,! m]e in]tia ( _! names1 inde$1 weigh$ d[n my subsequ5t ,new ,york days ) ! natural suspicion t a "y man s well born mu/ h done some?+ dreadful at home to be =c$ to pose to arti/s = a liv+4 ,:y1 o!rwise1 %\ld he suff] exile 9 ! und]world ( a city across ! seas8 ,"l ,duff]9's photograph augu/ly ?ron$ above ! ,hub lun*eon c\nt]1 c]ta9ly1 h[ev]1 fir$ a %ot on my behalf1 mak+ ! ca%-regi/]s cl9k frequ5tly4 ,8 effect on our b>-trade1 innoc5tly uncalculat$1 des]ves ?is ^w ( gratitude4 ,!re 7 ?ree :ite-coat$ b>-t5d]s 9 ! ,h\se ( ,lords1 ,jimmy ,m>t91 _! pr9cipal1 9 *>ge ( x2 a c\ple manag$ ! ,h\se ( ,commons trade 9 ! l[] b>1 d[n a /ep & ?r\gh an ar*2 & "h1 too1 7 tables & *airs1 rooms curta9$ (f1 & o!r facilities = back-/reet cu/om]s :o want$ to sit & talk ov] _! be]4 ,betwe5 ! two1 a door 9 ! wall l$ to my own qu>t]s up/airs by means ( a private /aircase4 ,%>p on elev5 we clos$ our doors t fir/ night1 & proce$$1 ) ,jimmy ,m>t9's aid1 to op5 ! ca%-regi/]s & c\nt up our tak+s4 ,!re 0 j "u #bej doll>s1 or #ej 9 ,engli% money4 ,!n1 hav+ said good night to our *ief b>-t5d]1 we sp5t a happy h\r mak+ calculations = ! future4 ,! fir/ day1 ( c\rse1 c\ld n be tak5 z an av]age1 b prospects1 we assur$ ourselves1 7 brilliant4 ,lat] we 7 to discov] ?+s t 7 to prove a s\rce ( endless tr\ble & vexation ( _s to u bo?--daily worries we bo? le>n$ to dread4 ,at ! mom5t1 h[ev]1 x 0 9 sangu9e mood t ,i w5t to b$ t night ( our op5+ day4 ,! money 0 lock$ away1 ready = me to take to ! bank next morn+--our fir/ deposit4 ,be=e t ,i mu/ be at ! m>ket to buy provisions--six o'clock--& ,kay 0 to be 9 att5dance 9 ! b>s at n9e-?irty4 8,x's a g all "r10 7 8 good-night words1 z he ?ump$ d[n my private /aircase & let himself into ! /reet ) 8 lat*-key4 ,lucky begg>6 ,he hadn't got to write home & expla9 to evangelical & teetotal p>5ts :at he 0 do+6 ,"s cu/om]s1 ,i discov]$1 arriv$ e>ly4 ,t a man %\ld want to swall[ raw spirits at #i ,a4,m4 amaz$ me4 ,"s ( ^! 7 m5 we knew socially2 ) "o ( !m1 :o arriv$ regul>ly at #i4ae1 ,i (t5 d9$ 9 8 cosy little bungal[ beside ! lake4 ,8 wife 0 *>m+1 ,i play$ ) 8 *ildr54 ,he 0 a lawy]4 ,he came = :at he call$ an 8eye-op5]40 ,ano!r ( ?is e>ly brigade 0 a /ockbrok]1 :o lat] made a =tune speculat+ 9 :eat on m>g91 lo/ x aga91 & disappe>$ my/]i\sly across ! bord] into ! ,/ates4 ,8 mann] ( tak+ 8 8eye-op5]0 0 peculi>1 puzzl+ me = a long "t4 ,i _h nev] se5 x be=e4 ,x made me laugh he>tily ! fir/ morn+1 = ,i ?\ght he 0 do+ x to amuse me--till 8 injur$ expression correct$ me4 ,produc+ a long silk h&k]*ief1 he flung x r\nd 8 neck1 "o end held by ! h& t also held 8 brimm+ glass4 ,) ! free h& he !n pull$ ! o!r end v sl[ly r\nd 8 coll>1 lev]+ ?us ! %ak+ glass to 8 lips4 ,unless he us$ ?is pulley1 ! glass %ook & rattl$ s viol5tly aga9/ 8 tee? t its cont5ts w\ld be spilt be=e he c\ld get x into 8 m\?4 ,! horror ( x sudd5ly dawn$ on me4 ,i 0 appall$4 ,! /uff t poison$ ?is n]v\s wreck 0 sold by myself & p>tn] at #ajj p] c5t4 pr(it6 8,if he doesn't get x "h10 said ,kay1 8he'll g to ,tim ,sullivan's across ! way1 & get bad liquor4 ,ours at lea/ is pure40 ,dur+ ! long twelve h\rs t ! ,hub 0 op5 ei!r ,kay or myself 0 always on duty1 talk+ to cu/om]s1 keep+ an eye 7z we hop$67 on ! b>-t5d]s1 %[+ ourselves ) an air ( au?ority 9 ! ,h\se ( ,commons :51 z usually1 x became too r[dy--,kay enjoy+ ! occasional 8*uck+ out40 ,at lun* "t & f f\r to half-pa/ six or sev5 o'clock1 ! b>s 7 inv>iably cr[d$4 ,! am\nt ( milkless tea we drank ought to h poison$ u bo?1 b we nev] fell f grace 9 ?is respect1 & we kept fai?fully1 too1 to ,jimmy ,m>t9's advice nev] to 8put 'em up0 = o!rs4 ,days 7 long & ardu\s4 ,?\gh we soon clos$ ! d9+ room aft] lun*1 do+ no supp] trade1 !re 7 public d9n]s once or twice a week = ,masonic societies1 football clubs & ! l1 & at ^! "o or o!r ( ! proprietors 0 expect$ to %[ himself4 ,to my great relief1 ,kay r enjoy$ ?is light duty4 ,8 tal5t = act+ 0 (t5 9 dem& too2 he w\ld don 8 ,h5ry ,irv+ wig & give ! company an imitation ( ! great actor 9 8,! ,bells40 ,kay 0 v successful at ^! 8banquets10 & sometimes a ,society w\ld engage ! room on ! condition t he p]=m$ = !m aft] d9n]4 ,:at annoy$ him 0 t 8! silly idiots always ord] *ampagne60 ,!re 0 no pr(it wor? m5tion+ 9 8w9e10 z x 0 call$4 ,! pr(it 0 9 be] & 8liquor40 ,! hi/rionic tal5t1 at any rate1 0 an accompli%m5t t prov$ useful lat] 9 our difficult ,new ,york days1 :5 ,kay n only got a job on ! /age himself1 b provid$ me ) a "p z well4 ,! %ad[ ( t ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet bo>d+-h\se 0 already draw+ ne>] 444 & ano!r cu/om] ( ! ,hub :o 0 to %>e x ) u 0 ,l\is ,b----1 a voluble1 high-/rung fat little ,fr5*man1 ( m]curial temp]am5t & great musical gifts4 ,:5 a ,hub banquet _h se5 en\gh ( ! ,irv+ wig1 & express$ a wi% to he> ! o!r proprietor1 x 0 always ,l\is ,b---- :o accompani$ my fiddle on ! piano4 ,raff's 8,cavat9a0 0 tol]at$1 ! 8,b]euse0 f 8,jocelyn0 enjoy$1 b ! popul> songs ( ! day1 ,l\is extemporiz+ all accompanim5ts ) 8 p]fect t\*1 x 0 ^! t 7 good = 8bus9ess40 ,! fat1 good-natur$ little man1 ) 8 bright d>k eyes & crisp curly black hair1 dem&$ sev]al abs9!s be=e he w\ld play4 ,he 0 a born musician4 ,he lov$1 9 ! ord] m5tion$1 music1 horses1 8 wife1 & f ! la/ he always _h to obta9 p]mission to 8play at ! ,hub40 ,t[>ds midnight he w\ld da% to ! telephone & say plead+ly to 8 wife3 8,!y want me to play "o m piece--only "o4 ,d y m9d8 ,i %an't be long60 ,! ,hub ,w9e ,company1 cam\flag+ ! saloon bus9ess ( two fooli% "y idiots1 pass$ ?r\gh its phases t[>ds ! inevitable collapse4 ,bus9ess decl9$2 cr$it grew difficult2 prompt paym5t = supplies m difficult /ill4 ,we clos$ ! ,d9+ ,room1 !n ! ,h\se ( ,commons4 ,! ,banquets ceas$4 ,sell+ out at 8top price0 became a dream1 loss ( all my capital a fact4 ,^? 7 fun]eal days4 ,to me x 0 a six mon?s' horror4 ,! impulsive pur*ase 0 paid = de>ly4 ,x 0 n only ! decl9+ bus9ess1 ! approa*+ loss ( my small capital1 ! prospect ( pres5tly work+ = "s f>m] at a doll> a day & gre5 tea--x 0 n ^! ?+s ,i *iefly felt4 ,x 01 r1 ! fact t ,i _h tak5 a /ep d[nhill1 betray$ "s imag9$ ideal 9 me1 %[n myself will+ to 8sell my s\l0 = fil?y lucre4 ,! price1 ?\gh n paid 9 lucre1 0 c]ta9ly paid 9 m5tal angui%1 & ! lett]s f home1 ?\gh pati5t1 g5]\sly =giv+1 ev5 und]/&+1 increas$ ?is t5fold4444 ,my own nature1 mean:ile1 :olly ap>t f any o!r influ5ce1 s\ght :at relief x c\ld4 ,my he>t _h nev] really be5 9 ! v5ture1 my body n[ kept out ( x z mu* z possible4 ,! loa?+ ,i _h felt = ! place f ! v beg9n+ 0 q ap>t f any "q ( success or failure4 ,i hat$ ! v atmosph]e1 ! faces ( ! /aff1 ! s\nd ( voices z ,i approa*$ ! sw++ doors4 ,:ile att5d+ /rictly to bus9ess1 nev] %ort5+ my h\rs on duty by five m9utes1 & eag]ly help+ ,kay 9 our ef=ts to get 9 ano!r p>tn] ) money1 my relief :5 once outside ! actual build+ 0 imm5se4 ,we _h engag$ a new manag]1 ^: popul>ity 9 ! t[n--he 0 a great cricket]--br\ght consid]able fre% cu/om1 b ^: *ief value 9 my eyes lay 9 ! fact t ,i ne$ n be pres5t q z mu* z be=e4 ,coll9s1 :o weigh$ tw5ty /one1 0 a "*4 ,kn[n = "s reason z 8! ,duke10 he _h no o!r title to nobility4 ,he help$ trade = a few brief weeks1 b also help$ himself at ! same "t1 & 8 exit1 n unlike t ( ,jimmy--:o 0 8fir$0 = ! same reason--0 att5d$ by ?reats ( a sl&] suit1 :i* also1 l ,jimmy's1 0 set d[n 9 ! ,greek kal5ds4 ,,*apt] ,,viii ,"o effect ( ^! long1 unhappy mon?s1 anyh[1 0 to emphasize ano!r1 & t ! pr9cipal side1 ( my nature4 ,! daily ef=t ( =c+ myself to d :at ,i hat$ s int5sely1 0 succe$$ by ! equal & opposite reaction ( enjoy+ trem5d\sly my free h\rs ( relaxation4 ,:5 ! sw+-doors clos$ beh9d me1 my m9d clos$ too ^u all memory ( ! hat$ ,hub4 ,x 0 %ut out1 =gott51 non-exi/5t4 ,i flew in/9ctively to :at com=t$ & made me happy4 ,gorg$ ) ! read+ ( poetry & ( ideali/ic1 my/ical books1 an insatiable s5se ( wond] ) a *ildi% love ( ! m>vell\s add$ to x1 my disappo9t+ exp]i5ce ( practical realities dem&$ comp5sation z a safety-valve1 if z no?+ m4 ,i f\nd ^! 9 ,nature1 music1 & 9 ! companion%ip ( a few p ,i w pres5tly describe4 ,out ( ^? prison-l sw+-doors ,i inv>iably w5t1 ei!r ) ! fiddle-case 9 my h&1 or ) food 9 my pocket & a light cloak z blanket = sleep+ out4 ,conc]ts & organ recitals 7 n en\gh2 m ?an to li/51 ,i want$ to play myself2 & ,l\is ,b---- 0 usually z en?usia/ic z ,i4 ,! music 0 a deep delight to me1 b ! sleep+ "u ! />s ,i enjoy$ mo/4 ,^? lonely little camp fires h left vivid pictures 9 ! m9d4 ,an ,ea/-b\nd tram soon took "o beyond ! city1 :]e ! %ores ( ,lake ,ont>io /ret*$ _! des]t$ s&s = miles4 ,!re 0 always fre% wat] to be f\nd = boil+ tea1 lots ( driftwood ly+ ab\t1 & ! s& made a com=table b$4 ,_m a night ( t sweet ,indian summ] ,i saw ! moon rise or set ov] ! wat]1 & lay wat*+ ! />s until ! sunrise came4 ,"o spot 9 p>ticul> 0 a fav\rite ) me1 because1 j ov] ! high loam cliffs t l9$ ! %ore1 !re 0 an enorm\s field ( tomatoes1 & :ile ,jimmy 0 help+ himself to ! ,hub ca% "u ,kay's eyes 9 ! city1 ,i help$ myself to half a doz5 ( ! f>m]'s ripe tomatoes4 ,! ,hub1 h[ev]1 ( set purpose1 =m$ no "p ( my ?\ghts1 my rev]ies & dreams be+ ( a v diff]5t1 & f> m int]e/+1 k9d4444 ,a night 9 ! woods1 ?\gh di/ance made x m difficult1 com=t$ me ev5 m ?an ! ,lake exp$itions4 ,i kept ! woods usually = ,saturday night1 :5 ! next day left me free z well4 ,a p9e =e/ beyond ,ros$ale 0 my fav\rite haunt1 = x 0 79 ^? days7 q des]t$ & sev]al miles f ! ne>e/ f>m1 & 9 ! he>t ( x lay a seclud$ little lake ) re$y %ores & deep blue wat]4 ,"h ,i lay & commun$1 ! _w ( hotels1 insurance1 ev5 ( ,me?odi/s1 v f> away4 ,! hum ( ! city c\ld n rea* me1 ?\gh its gl>e 0 fa9tly visible 9 ! sky4 ,!re 7 no signs ( m52 no s\nds ( human life2 n ev5 a dog's b>k--no?+ b a sigh+ w9d & lapp+ wat] & a sort ( e>?-murmur "u ! trees1 & ,i us$ to ?9k t ,god1 :atev] ,he 01 or ! great spiritual =ces t ,i believ$ lay beh9d all ph5om5a1 & p]haps 7 ! mov+ life ( ! elem5ts !mselves1 mu/ be ne>] to "o's consci\sness 9 places l ?is ?an among ! bu/l+ ( m5 9 ! t[ns & h\ses4 ,z ! mat]ial _w fad$ away among ! %ad[s1 ,i felt dimly ! real spiritual _w beh9d %9+ ?r\gh 444 ,i m$itat$ on ! mean+ ( ^! dreams till ! veil ov] out] ?+s seem$ v ?92 div+ d[n into my inn] consci\sness z deeply z ,i c\ld till a /ream ( trem5d\s ye>n+ = ! realities t lay beyond appe>ances p\r$ out ( me into ! night4444 ,! h\rs pass$ ) magical swiftness1 & my dream+ usually end$ 9 sleep1 = ,i (t5 woke 9 ! *illy "t j be=e ! dawn1 ly+ sideways on ! p9e ne$les1 & saw ! trees outl9$ %>ply aga9/ ! ,ea/]n sky1 & ! lake wat] /ill & cle>1 & he>d ! dawn-w9d j beg9n+ to s+ ov]head4 ,! laught] ( a loon w\ld s\nd1 ! call ( an owl1 ! cry ( a :ip-poor-w2 & !n--! sun 0 up4 ,?\ght ran1 on ^! lonely nights1 to ev]y?+ except to pres5t or rec5t happ5+s4 ,life1 already half ov] z1 at tw5ty-"o1 x !n seem$ to me1 _h prov$ a failure2 my few trivial exp]i5ces appe>$ gigantic & oppressive4 ,i felt v old4 ,pres5t conditions1 be+ unhappy & promis+ to become m unhappy /ill1 ,i left aside4 ,i _h 8accept$0 !m z ,k>ma1 ,i mu/ g ?r\gh ) !m1 b !re 0 no ne$ to int5sify or prolong unhapp9ess by dwell+ on !m4 ,i !re=e dismiss$ !m1 ?\ght w&]+ to o!r ?+s4 ,all 0 col\r$1 %ap$1 direct$ by ^? ,ea/]n tea*+s 9 :i* ,i 0 !n entirely absorb$ 444 & ! *ief problem 9 my m9d at ! "t1 0 to ma/] ! me?od ( accept+1 fac+1 exhau/+1 :atev] life might br+1 :ile be+1 z ! ,bhagavad ,gita describ$1 8indiff]5t to results10 unaffect$1 t is1 by ! 8fruits ( action40 ,deta*m5t1 yet )\t %irk+1 0 ! ne>e/ equival5t phrase ,i c\ld f9d2 a /ate1 anyh[1 /rong] ?an ! ,*ri/ian 8resignation10 :i* woke contempt 9 me4444 ,unhapp9ess1 ?\gh x may seem trivial n[1 bo? z to cause & quality1 0 v deep 9 me at ! "t4 ,x _h wak5$ an und]/&+ ( c]ta9 ?+s ,i _h read--z 9 ! /ol5 8,patanjali0 ye>s be=e--)\t !n grasp+ :at !y meant4 ,^! ?+s ,i n[ 0 beg9n+ to rea* by an inn] exp]i5ce ( !m1 r ?an by an intellectual compreh5sion m]ely4444 ,&1 z ?\ght ran backw>ds1 escap+ ! unpleasant ,hub & ,dairy1 to e>li] days 9 ! ,black ,=e/ ,s*ool1 to ! ,jura ,m\nta9s village1 to family holidays among ! ,alps or on ! we/ coa/ ( ,scotl&1 x rea*$ 9 due c\rse ! ye> sp5t at ,ed9burgh ,univ]sity j be=e ,i left = ,canada1 & s to individuals !re :o _h /rongly influ5c$ me3 ,i recall$ ,dr4 ,h----1 :o us$ hypnotism 9 8 practice1 taught me v>i\s me?ods ( us+ x1 & (t5 admitt$ me to private exp]im5ts 9 8 /udy4 ,he expla9$ _m a text-book = me4 ,he _h urg$ me to give up ! idea ( f>m+ 9 ,canada1 & to read = m$ic9e & become a doctor4 8,specialize10 he said 79 #ahhc74 8,by ! "t y are qualifi$ ,sugge/ion w be a recogniz$ !rapeutic ag5t1 accept$ by all1 & accompli%+ m>vell\s results4 ,become a m5tal speciali/40 ,i lay "u my p9e trees1 wond]+ if x 7 /ill too late 444 b speculat+1 fur!r & *iefly1 ab\t ^? o!r /ates ( consci\sness1 s9ce call$ 8sublim9al10 :i* 8 exp]im5ts _h conv9c$ me 7 ( untold importance1 bo? to ! individual & to ! race4 ,any lawful me?od ( ext5d+ ! field ( consci\sness1 ( increas+ its scope1 ( develop+ lat5t faculties1 ) its coroll>y ( great] k & great] p[]s1 excit$ & int]e/$ me m ?an ! imm$iate prospect ( mak+ a million4444 ,?is doctor's family 7 s9c]e & conv9c$ spirituali/s4 ,he let !m be1 pay+ no att5tion to !m1 yet po9t+ out to me privately ! 8second>y0 /ate into :i* 8 wife1 z ! m$ium1 c\ld ?r[ h]self at w4 ,8 son _h an ,amati viol92 we play$ toge!r2 ,i 0 invit$ to _m sances4 ,! p[] ( read+ a 8sitt]'s0 m9d ,i (t5 witness$1 my own unutt]$ ?\ghts (t5 be+ ann\nc$ z ! communication f "s 8guide0 or 8_s fri5d40 ,b = ! doctor's private exposition1 ,i might d\btless h be5 o!rwise p]suad$ & %>$ my ho/ess's convictions4 ,"s ( ! 8communications0 came back 9 memory1 none ! less1 z ,i lay beside ! little lake & wat*$ ! firelight reflect$ ) ! />s3 8,!re is an ,indian "h2 he says he comes = y4 ,he is a m$ic9e man4 ,he says y are "o1 too4 ,y h great heal+ p[]4 ,he keeps repeat+ ! ^w #8scrat*4'0 ,! dubi\s ^w meant 8write02 ,i 0 to become a writ]1 a prophesy t woke no int]e/ 9 me at all4444 ,ano!r communication delv$ into ! pa/3 8,y h be5 an ,indian 9 a rec5t life1 & y w g back to _! c\ntry to "w (f c]ta9 pa9ful ,k>ma4 ,y 7 ,aztec1 ,inca1 ,egyptian1 &1 be=e t aga91 ,atlantean4 ,) ! _w to-day y h no?+ 9 common1 = none ( ! s\ls y knew h come back ) y4 ,nature means m to y ?an human be+s4 ,bew>e60 ,! la/ ^w al>m$ me a good deal until ! doctor's humor\s exposition kill$ any malefic sugge/ion4 ,! horoscope 8 wife ca/ & read = me1 h[ev]1 he refus$ to be bo!r$ )2 he c\ld n1 !re=e1 com=t me by expla9+ away a di/urb+ s5t5ce3 8,all y\r planets are b5efic5t1 b 7 j bel[ ! horizon at ! h\r ( y\r bir?4 ,?is means t y w come v ne> to success 9 all y und]take1 yet nev] q a*ieve x40 ,^! memories slipp$ 9 _! s]ies across my m9d1 z ! emb]s ( my fire fad$ & ! night drew on4 ,swiftly !y came & pass$1 ea* leav+ its little trail ( du/1 its fa9t emotion1 yet lead+ always to a /rong] gho/ ^: memory /ill bulk$ l>gely 9 my m9d--! gho/ ( a ,h9du /ud5t4 ,he 0 a f\r?-ye> man1 ab\t to become a qualifi$ doctor1 & ,i met him fir/ 9 ! dissect+ room1 :]e occasionally ,i play$ at /udy+ anatomy4 ,we fir/ became intimate fri5ds ov] ! dissection ( a leg4 ,x 0 he :o expla9$ 8,patanjali0 to me4 ,he 0 a v gift$ & unusual be+4 ,he %[$ me /range me?ods ( brea?+1 ( conc5tration1 ( m$itation4 ,he made cle> a ?\s& half-consci\s dreams & memories 9 me4 ,he 0 my/]i\s b s9c]e1 liv+ 8 !ories 9 practice4 ,we w5t = great walks along ! ,=?1 wat*+ ! ,=? ,bridge !n be+ built2 d[n ! coa/ to ,/4 ,abb's ,head & ,cold+ham2 deep into ! recesses ( ! ,p5tl&s1 :]e1 m ?an once1 we slept 9 ! op54 ,we made curi\s & int]e/+ exp]im5ts toge!r4444 ,ye>s lat]--he is /ill alive--,i drew ^u a fraction ( 8 p]sonality 9 two books1 8,john ,sil5ce0 & 8,julius ,le ,vallon40444 ,mu* t he expla9$ & taught me1 mu* t he believ$ & practis$1 came back vividly dur+ ^! nightly vigils 9 ! woods1 :ile ,i li/5$ to ! weird laught] ( ! loons l ! voices ( wom5 f> away1 & wat*$ ! ,nor!rn ,lights fla% 9 _! /range maje/y f ! horizon to mid-heav54 ,unhapp9ess 0 mak+ my real life s9k deep]4 ,no boy1 ,i am sure1 s\ght = :at he believ$ w\ld prove ! realities ) m passionate int5sity ?an ,i did4 ,x is curi\s n[ to look back ^u ^? grave exp]im5ts fir/ taught me by my ,h9du fri5d1 :o assur$ me t ! way to rob emotions ( _! p[] 0 to refuse to id5tify "o's 8self0 ) !m1 ?is real 8self0 m]ely look+ on z a spectator1 ap>t1 deta*$2 & t ! out] ev5ts ( life _h small importance1 :at matt]$ be+ solely "o's inn] attitude to !m1 "o's int]pretation ( !m4444 ,f ^! h\rs sp5t alone ) ,nature1 z also f ! h\rs ( music ) ,l\is ,b---- ,i return$1 at any rate1 refre%$ & invigorat$ to my loa?some b>s4 ,p]sonal tr\bles seem$ less important1 less oppressive2 !y 71 aft] all1 b brief episodes 9 a s+le life2 z ,k>ma1 !y _h to be fac$1 gone ?r\gh )2 !y _h some?+ to tea*1 & ,i mu/ le>n ! lesson1 or else miss "o ( ! objects ( my be+4 ,wat*+ ! />ry heav5s ?r\gh h\rs ( imag9ative reflection br\ght a bigg] p]spective 9 :i* individual worries f\nd r$uc$ proportion4 ,my ?\ghts introduc$ a yet va/] p]spective /ill4 ,! difficulty 0 to keep ! po9t ( view :5 ! mood t enc\rag$ x 0 gone4 ,aft] a few h\rs 9 ! ,h\se ( ,lords p]spective 0 apt to dw9dle aga94444 ,:5 ! w9t] mon?s made sleep+ out impossible1 & ,l\is ,b---- 0 n available1 my preci\s h\rs ( fre$om w\ld be sp5t ) a "y agno/ic doctor dy+ ( consumption2 ) ! ,pr(essor ( ,hi/ory 9 ,toronto ,univ]sity--a /]l+1 sympa!tic man1 a true ,*ri/ian ( intellectual type1 & a big1 g5u9e s\l :o nev] ?\ght ( himself 9 ! real help he gave me unfail+ly ) bo? h&s2 or1 la/ly1 ) an en?usia/ :o %>$ my que/ = :at we call$ 8! ,realities40 ,) all ?ree ,i _h made close fri5ds dur+ ! fir/ prosp]\s days ( ! ,dairy2 ! ,pr(essor's family _h be5 cu/om]s = milk & eggs2 ! "y doctor1 liv+ 9 my bo>d+-h\se1 _h be5 a pupil 9 my ,fr5* & ,g]man class4 ,! ?ird 0 a ,scotsman1 fairly well educat$1 ab\t ?irty ye>s ( age1 :o1 :ile fully 9 sympa?y ) my l9e ( ?9k+1 _h succe$$ 9 r$uc+ 8 dreams to "s sort ( ord] s t !y did n int]f]e ) 8 ord9>y1 practical c>e] & yet 7 ! guid+ rule ( 8 life4 ,he 0 9 ! cem5t bus9ess1 & 8 clo!s1 ev5 on ,sunday1 7 always cov]$ ) a f9e :ite du/1 = he 0 unm>ri$ & liv$ alone 9 a s+le room4 ,he made a b>e liv+ at 8 "w1 b 0 ?or\ghly consci5ti\s & devot$ to ! int]e/s ( 8 employ]1 & all he ask$ 0 /eady "w & fair remun]ation = ! re/ ( 8 life4 ,he 0 a real my/ic by temp]am5t1 ?\gh he belong$ to no p>ticul> tradition4 ,! _w = him 0 b a %[ ( false appe>ances t ! s5ses ga!r$2 ! realities beh9d 7 spiritual4 ,he believ$ t 8 s\l _h exi/$ = ev] & w\ld nev] cease to exi/1 & t 8 ego w\ld cont9ue to exp& & develop accord+ to ! life he l$1 & %ap$ by 8 ?\ghts & acts 7b especially by 8 ?\ghts7 to all et]nity4 ,?is _w = him 0 a s*oolroom1 a place ( difficult discipl9e & le>n+1 & ! lessons he 0 le>n+ 7 det]m9$ logically & ju/ly by 8 previ\s liv+ & previ\s mi/akes4 ,tal5ts or disabilities1 equally1 7 ! results ( =m] action4444 ,b to ! ord9>y man he appe>$ simply z a r dull ev]yday work]1 )\t any worldly ambition1 absolutely hone/ & tru/wor?y1 & always occupy+ a subord9ate position 9 practical affairs4 ,9 ! 8old c\ntry0 he _h belong$ to "s sort ( society t kept alive traditions ( tea*+ me?ods ( spiritual developm5t1 & he told me mu* conc]n+ _! !ories t imm5se lat5t p[]s lay 9 ! dep?s ( "o's be+ & c\ld be educ$ by suitable liv+1 & ! p]iod 9 ! 8s*oolroom ( ?is _w10 z he call$ x1 c\ld be %ort5$ & ! progress ( "o's real developm5t ha/5$4 ,x all lay1 ) him1 9 le>n+ h[ to conc5trate ! faculties on ?is inn] life1 )\t neglect+ ! duties ( ! position "o held to family or employ]1 & ?us r$uc+ ! life ( ! body & ! s5ses to ! m9imum t 0 consi/5t ) heal? & ord9>y duty4 ,9 ?is way he believ$ new =ces w\ld awak5 to life1 & new p>ts ( "o's be+ be /imulat$ into activity1 & 9 due c\rse "o w\ld become consci\s ( a new spiritual region ) ! spiritual s5ses adapt$ to x4 ,x am\nt$1 ( c\rse1 to an expansion ( consci\sness4 ,all ?is1 naturally1 int]e/$ me v mu* inde$1 & ,i sp5t h\rs talk+ ) ?is cem5t mak]1 & _m m h\rs read+ ! books he l5t me & ?9k+ ab\t !m4 ,my fri5d help$ 9 ?is ext5sion4 ,c>l du ,prel's 8,philosophy ( ,my/icism0 0 a book to injure no "o4 ,he _h publi%$ "o or two volumes ( m9or poetry1 & 8 v]se1 ?\gh poor 9 =m1 caught all ?r\gh x ! elusive quality ( g5u9e my/ical poetry1 une>?ly1 t\*+ ! />s1 & wak5+ 9 ! read] ! note ( ye>n+ = ! highe/ ?+s4 ,i took him ) me sev]al times to my little private grove1 & he w\ld recite ^! v]ses to me 9 a way t made !m s\nd v diff]5t f my own read+ ( !m4 ,& z he lay beside ! lake & ,i he>d 8 re$y voice m+l+ ) ! w9d 9 ! trees1 & wat*$ 8 wat]y blue eyes %9e across ! smoke ( our fire1 ,i realiz$ t ! value ( 8 poems lay 9 ! fact t !y 7 a p]fectly true expression ( 8 self--( 8 small1 my/ical1 unselfi% & oddly elem5tal s\l se>*+ aft] ! ,god t %\ld f9ally absorb him up into some?+ great]4 ,i d n wi% to criticize him1 b only to picture :at ,i saw4 ,8 att5uat$ body1 & long ?9 f+]s1 8 %abby clo!s cov]$ ) :ite du/ ly+ by my side "u ! />s1 8 eyes look+ beyond ! _w1 & ! s\nd ( 8 ?9 voice t lo/ half its words some:]e 9 ! w9d--! picture is complete 9 e detail 9 my m9d to ?is day4 ,8 reason+ p[]s 7 slight1 = l all true my/ics he believ$ 9 ! intuitive p]ception ( tru?2 b1 com+ into my life j at ?is "t1 he came ) influ5ce & a good deal ( /imulus too4 ,f ! 8,h\se ( ,commons0 to 8 dream-lad5 atmosph]e provid$ a contra/ t br\ght relief1 at any rate4 ,?is my/ical m9or poet 9 ! cem5t bus9ess _h sev]al fri5ds l himself1 b no "o ( !m possess$ 8 value1 because no "o ( !m practis$ _! beliefs4 ,!y talk$ well & 7 s9c]e up to a po9t1 b n to ! po9t ( mak+ sacrifices = _! fai?4 ,x 0 always ) !m a future hope4 ,"o1 h[ev]1 mu/ be except$--a woman4 ,%e 0 ov] sixty & always dress$ 9 black1 ) crpe scatt]$ all ov] h]1 & a l>ge :ite face1 & %9+ eyes1 & great bags "u !m4 ,%e _h be5 a veget>ian = ye>s4 ,9 spite ( h] size %e look$ s e!real t a puff ( w9d might h bl[n h] across ! /reet4 ,all h] fri5ds & relations _h 8pass$ ov]10 & h] ?\ghts 7 evid5tly c5tr$ 9 ! beyond1 s f> z %e h]self 0 conc]n$4 ,%e _h means ( h] own1 b sp5t mo/ ( !m 9 help+ o!rs4 ,!re 0 no humbug ab\t h]4 ,%e claim$ to h :at %e call$ 8cont9u\s consci\sness10 & at night1 :5 h] body lay d[n & ! bra9 slept1 %e focus$ h] ,self 9 "s spiritual region ( h] be+1 & nev] lo/ consci\sness4 ,%e saw h] body ly+ !re1 & knew ! bra9 0 asleep1 b %e mean:ile became active else:]e1 = %e decl>$ a _s c\ld nev] sleep1 & x 0 only ! body t became too we>y at ! end ( ! day to answ] to ! _s's requirem5ts4 ,9 sleep ! body1 left empty by ! _s1 slept1 & memory1 be+ 9 ! bra91 became inactive4 ,b z soon z "o _h le>n$ to realize "o's _s1 sleep involv$ no loss ( consci\sness & memory 0 cont9u\s4 ,h] acc\nts ( h] exp]i5ces 9 ! night ?rill$ me4444 ,:ile %e talk$ h] face grew s :ite t x almo/ %one4 ,x 0 a beam+1 good1 lov+ face1 & ! woman 0 hone/1 ev5 if delud$4 ,%e radiat$ k9dness & sympa?y f h] p]son4 ,%e _h a way ( screw+ up h] eyes :5 speak+1 /epp+ back a few paces1 & !n com+ sudd5ly =w>d aga9 z ?\gh %e meant to jump across ! room1 h] voice r++1 & h] eyes op5$ s wide t ,i ?\ght ! bags und]nea? !m mu/ bur/ ) a pop4 ,! "y doctor liv+ 9 ! bo>d+-h\se also int]e/$ me1 reviv+ inde$ my desire to foll[ 8 own pr(ession myself4 ,he 0 ab\t tw5ty-six ye>s old & v poor2 ! exact anti!sis ( myself1 be+ cle>-m9d$1 practical1 cynical & a ?or\gh sceptic on ! exi/5ce ( a s\l & ,god & immortality4 ,he 0 well-read & _h ! true sci5tific temp]am5t1 sp5d+ h\rs ) 8 microscope & books4 ,! fact ( 8 be+ at ! opposite pole to myself attract$ me to him1 & we _h long talks 9 8 consult+-room on ! gr\nd floor back--:]e ev]y?+ 0 prep>$ = ! reception ( pati5ts1 b :]e no pati5t ev] came4 ,our worlds 7 s f> ap>t1 & x 0 s h>d to e/abli% a mutual co9age ( words t our talks 7 some:at futile4 ,he 0 logical1 absorb$ 9 8 dream ( orig9al rese>*2 he us$ words 9 _! exact mean+ & jump$ to no conclusions ra%ly1 & nev] all[$ 8 judgm5t to be influ5c$ by 8 emotions2 :]eas ,i talk$1 no d\bt1 l a *ild1 build+ va/ erections ^u inadequate premises1 indulg+ 9 my religi\s dreams ab\t ,god & ! s\l1 speculative & vision>y4 ,he argu$ me out ( my boots e "t1 & t[>ds ! end ( our talks grew impati5t & almo/ angry ) my vague m9d & 8transc5d5tal tommy-rot10 z he call$ x2 b at ! same "t he lik$ me1 & 0 always glad to talk & discuss ) me4 ,no?+ he said1 ?\gh mu* ( x 0 cog5t & unansw]able1 ev] influ5c$ my op9ions 9 ! lea/ degree1 because ,i felt he 0 fundam5tally wrong1 & 0 try+ to f9d by scalpel & microscope ! ?+s ( ! _s4 ,i felt a pr(\nd pity = him1 & he felt a contemptu\s pity = me4 ,b "o night my pity almo/ *ang$ to love1 & aft] ?is p>ticul> conv]sation1 9 ! c\rse ( :i* he made me deep confid5ces ( 8 e>ly privations 9 ord] t he might /udy = 8 pr(ession1 & ( 8 unqu5*able desire = k = its own sake1 ,i felt s t5d]ly t[>ds him1 t ,i nev] tri$ to argue aga91 b only urg$ him to believe 9 a s\l & 9 a future life4 ,= he told me t he 0 already s f> gone 9 consumption t at mo/ he _h b a ye> or two to live1 & he knew t 9 ! "t at 8 disposal he c\ld n accompli% ! v smalle/ "p ( 8 great dream4 ,i !n und]/ood :y 8 eyes 7 s burn+ bright & :y he _h always gl[+ r$ spots 9 8 *eeks1 & look$ s t]ribly ?9 & emaciat$4 ,! h\rs sp5t ) him did n refre% or invigorate me z ! woods & music did2 ,i re-ent]$ ! sw+ doors ( my prison--z ,i came to reg>d ! ,hub--) no new /imulus4 ,8 example impress$ me1 b 8 atmosph]e & outlook bo? depress$4 ,only my admiration = 8 c\rage1 /rong w1 & consi/5t attitude rema9$1 :ile ,i drank 8tea0 ) my unpleasant cu/om]s1 or li/5$ to compla9ts f ! /aff4 ,be=e ! sw+-doors clos$ = ! la/ "t1 h[ev]1 ! ?91 ke5-fac$ doctor ) ! hectic flu% & ! bright burn+ eyes _h succumb$ to 8 t]rible malady4 ,8 end made a great impression on me4 ,= sev]al mon?s he w5t ab\t l a liv+ skeleton4 ,8 c\gh 0 gha/ly4 ,he _h less & less money1 & ,i seem$ to be ! only fri5d he turn$ to1 or inde$ possess$ at all1 = ,i 0 ! only p]son he all[$ to help him1 & ! little help ,i c\ld give 0 b>ely en\gh to prev5t ! l&lady turn+ him out = r5t & bo>d unpaid4 ,to ! la/ 8 w burn$ 9 him l a flame4 ,he talk$ & /udi$1 & dream$ 8 long dream ( sci5tific a*ievem5t ev5 :5 he knew 8 "t 0 measur$ by weeks1 & he 0 utt]ly scornful ( dea? & a ,deity t c\ld devise su* a poor s*eme ( exi/5ce1 s full ( failure1 pa91 & abortive ef=t4 ,b ,i 0 full ( admiration = ! way he kept go+ full spe$ to ! v end1 />t+ new books & fre% exp]im5ts ev5 :5 he knew he w\ld n h "t to get half-way ?r\gh ) !m1 & discuss+ high s*emes j z ?\gh he expect$ ye>s 9 :i* to c>ry !m out--in/ead ( days4 ,"h 0 a man absolutely )\t fai?1 or any belief 9 ,god or future life1 :o walk$ /raight up to a mis]able dea? "u full /eam1 ) no?+ to console or buoy him up1 & )\t fri5ds to sympa?ize1 & :o nev] = a s+le in/ant fl9*$ or :imp]$4 ,!re burn$ 9 8 he>t ! fire ( a really /rong w4 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t ,i _h realiz$ at close qu>t]s :at ?is meant1 & :5 ,i w5t to 8 fun]al ,i felt full ( real sorr[1 & h nev] =gott5 ! sc5e at 8 dea?-b$ :5 ! ke5 set face relax$ no?+ ( its decision to ! v la/4 ,,*apt] ,,ix ,at l5g? ! bitt]1 sp>kl+ w9t] 0 ov]1 ! sleigh-bells sil5t1 ! cov]$ skat+-r9ks all clos$4 ,! la/ remnants ( ! pil$-up sn[ _h melt$1 & ! sweet spr+ w9ds 7 bl[+ fre%ly d[n ! c$>-pav$ /reets4 ,on ! lake %ores ! boat-h\ses 7 be+ op5$2 canoes1 skiffs & cat-boats be+ repa9t$4 ,t5ts & camp+ kit 7 be+ ov]haul$4 ,! talk ev]y:]e 0 ( picnics1 exp$itions1 trips into ! backwoods1 & plans = summ] holidays4 ,cry/al sunlight flood$ ! _w4 ,! ,canadian spr+ intoxicat$ ! bra9 & s5t ! blood danc+ to wild1 happy measures4 ,! ,hub 0 n[ 9 ! h&s ( a ,receiv]2 ,adams & ,burns1 ! :olesale h\se1 controll$ x4 ,kay & ,i _h to pay ca% = ev]y?+--! ,hub ,w9e ,company 0 8bu/40 ,yield+ to my fa!r's impati5t surprise t aft] all ^! mon?s ,i 0 /ill a p>tn]1 ,i _h assign$ my int]e/ a %ort "t be=e to ,kay1 & _h s5t home ! pr9t$ ann\ncem5t 9 ! newspap]s4 ,x 0 a nom9al assignm5t only1 = ,i _h no?+ to assign4 ,my la/ p5ny ( capital 0 lo/4 ,kay1 = 8 "p1 _h lo/ ev]y?+ too4 ,vultures1 9 ! =m ( bailiffs ) blue writs 9 _! claws1 haunt$ our la/ week2 by good luck r ?an good managem5t ,i ow$ no?+1 b ,kay _h small out/&+ acc\nts all ov] ! t[n4 ,x 0 a hectic la/ week4 ,our fri5ds came 9 cr[ds to sympa?ize1 to (f] advice1 to sugge/ new plans1 & all consid]$ a liquid f>ewell necess>y4 ,?is etiquette 0 /rict4 ,a private ^w ) ! ,receiv] br\ght back our tea bottle4 ,! ,upp] ,h\se did a fair bus9ess aga91 :ile ,l\is ,b---- bur/+ ) new s*emes1 new ent]prises1 t %\ld re/ore our =tunes1 0 = ev] at ! piano 9 ! up/airs room4 ,we play$ toge!r :ile our little ,rome 0 burn+--,t*aik[sky1 ,*op91 ,wagn]1 & ! late/ songs ) *oruses4 ,kay donn$ 8 ,irv+ wig f "t to "t & ro>$ 8 8,bells0 & 8,suicide40 ,our la/ days rattl$ by4 ,! pa9 ( ! failure 0 mitigat$ = me p]sonally by ! int5se relief ,i felt to be free ( ! nightm>e at la/4 ,:atev] might be 9 /ore1 no?+ c\ld be worse ?an t six mon?s' horror4 ,besides1 failure 9 ,canada 0 nev] f9al4 ,x held ! se$s ( success to foll[4 ,f its a%es new life rose ) w+s & s++4 ,! electric air ( spr+ enc\rag$ brave hopes ( a ?\s& possibilities1 & :ile ,i felt ! disa/] ov]:elm+ly1 our bra9s at ! same "t already humm$ ) e imag9able fre% s*eme4 ,:at ^! s*emes 7 x is difficult n[ to recall1 beyond t !y includ$ all possibilities ( ent]prise t a va/ "y c\ntry c\ld sugge/ to p5niless adv5tur\s y\?4 ,:at memory /ill holds %>ply1 h[ev]1 is ! face ( a "y lawy] ( our acqua9tance1 z he look$ at me across ! fiddle & said casually3 8,y c live on my isl& 9 ,lake ,rosseau if y l60 ,)\t a mom5t's hesitation we accept$ ! lawy]'s (f] ( 8 t5-acre isl& 9 ! nor!rn lakes4 ,! idea ( imm$iate new ent]prise fad$4 ,kay 0 easily p]suad$ into a plan t promis$ a few weeks' pleasant leisure to ?9k ?+s ov]1 liv+ mean:ile = next to no?+4 8,i %all g to ,new ,york lat]10 he ann\nc$1 8& get on ! /age4 ,i'll take ,%akespe>e up to ! isl& & /udy x40 ,he pack$ 8 ,irv+ wig4 ,x 0 ! camp+-out :i* caught me ) irresi/ible attraction3 ! big woods1 an op5 air life1 sun1 w9d & wat]4444 8,i'll come up & jo9 y lat]10 promis$ ! sangu9e ,l\is ,b----4 8,i'll come ) "s new plan we c talk ov] r\nd y\r camp-fire40 ,he agre$ to pack up our few belong+s & keep !m = u till we w5t lat] to ,new ,york4 8,we'll all g to ! ,/ates10 he urg$4 8,canada is a "o-horse place4 ,!re are f> m *ances across ! l9e40 ,we kept secret our date ( leav+1 only ,l\is kn[+ x4 ,on ! morn+ ( ,may #bd?1 ! ,que5's bir?day1 he came to fet* u & our luggage1 ! latt] r$uc$ to a m9imum4 ,!re 7 no good-byes4 ,b ?is excitable little ,fr5*man1 :o lov$ a t\* ( ! picturesque1 did n come q z we expect$4 ,he arriv$ two h\rs be=e 8 "t1 ) a wagonette & two pranc+ horses1 8 fat figure on ! box1 flick+ 8 long :ip & %\t+ up at our w9d[s4 ,8 idea1 he expla9$ z we climb$ 91 0 to avoid ! ma9 /ation1 :]e we %\ld be b\nd to see a doz5 p we knew4 ,he propos$1 in/ead1 to drive u tw5ty miles to a small /ation1 :]e ! tra9 /opp$ on its way nor?4 ,!re 0 no "t to argue4 ,i sat beside him on ! box ) ! preci\s fiddle1 ,kay got beh9d ) our two bags1 & ,l\is drove u & 8 spank+ pair along ,k+ ,/reet & !n up ,yonge ,/reet4 ,scores recogniz$ u1 wond]+ :at x meant1 = ^! 7 ! pr9cipal /reets ( ! t[n1 b ,l\is fl\ri%$ 8 :ip1 gave ! horses _! head1 & rac$ along ! int]m9able ,yonge ,/reet till at l5g? ! h\ses disappe>$1 & ! empty rea*es ( ! h9t]l& took _! place4 ,he saw u into ! tra9 ) our luggage & our few doll>s1 wav+ 8 :ip 9 f>ewell z ! eng9e />t$4 ,we did n see him aga9 till he arriv$1 ?91 worri$1 anxi\s & gabbl+1 9 ! ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet bo>d+-h\se ! foll[+ autumn4 ,my ,toronto episodes 7 ov]4 ,i _h be5 eighte5 mon?s 9 ! c\ntry & 0 close ^u tw5ty-two2 my capital ,i _h lo/1 b ,i _h ga9$ at lea/ a little exp]i5ce 9 ex*ange4 ,i no long] tru/$ e "o at sight4 ,! gre5 pa9t _h worn ?9 9 pat*es1 if n all ov]4 ,! collapse ( ! ,dairy made me feel old1 ! ,hub disa/] made me a ,me?uselah4 ,my home life seem$ m & m remote1 ,i _h brok5 ) x f9ally1 ,i c\ld nev] return to ! old c\ntry1 nor %[ my face 9 ! family circle aga94 ,?us ,i felt1 at lea/4 ,! pa9 & unhapp9ess 9 me seem$ incurably deep1 & my %ame 0 v real4 ,9 my he>t 0 a secret wi% to live 9 ! backwoods = ev]more1 a brok5 man1 fe$+ on lo/ illusions & vani%$ dreams4 ,! ligh!>t$ plans t ,l\is ,b---- & ,kay s airily discuss$ ,i c\ld n und]/&4 ,my he>t sank ea* "t ,i recogniz$ my fa!r's h&writ+ on an envelope4 ,i felt a k9d ( f9al mis]y t only my belief 9 ,k>ma mitigat$4 ,?is mood ( exagg]at$ int5sity soon pass$1 ( c\rse1 b = a "t life 0 v bitt]4 ,x 0 h>d at fir/ to 8accept0 ^! fruits ( =m] lives1 ?is h>ve/ ( mis=tune ^: se$s ,i assur$ly _h s[n myself long1 long ago4 ,! 8deta*m5t0 ,i 0 try+ to le>n1 ) its attitude ( someh[ be+ 8indiff]5t to ! fruits ( action10 0 n acquir$ 9 a day4 ,yet x int]e/s me n[ to look back d[n ! vi/a ( ?irty ye>s1 & to realize t ?is fir/ te/ ( my l9e ( ?\ght--:e!r x 0 a pretty fancy m]ely1 or :e!r a real conviction--did n f9d me want+4 ,x 01 ,i f\nd1 a g5u9e belief2 nei!r !n1 nor 9 ! sev]] te/s t foll[$1 did x ev] fail me = a s+le mom5t4 ,i und]/ood1 simil>ly1 h[ my fa!r's fai?1 equally s9c]e ?\gh 9 su* diff]5t guise to m9e1 c\ld give him /r5g? & com=t1 no matt] :at life might br+4444 ,z our tra9 w5t nor?w>ds ?r\gh ! h9t]l& t[>ds ,grav5hur/ & ! en*ant$ isl& :]e we 7 to sp5d five mon?s ( a fairyl& exi/5ce1 ,i grasp$ t a *apt] ( my life 0 clos$1 & a new "o op5+4 ,! m9d look$ back1 ( c\rse4 ,toronto1 ^: ,indian "n means ,place ( ,meet+1 ,i saw only once or twice aga94 ,i nev] /ay$ !re4 ,at ! end ( our happy isl&-life1 we ru%$ ?r\gh x on our way to fre% adv5tures 9 ,new ,york1 ,kay hid+ 8 face 9 an ov]coat le/ "s cr$itor cat* a glimpse ( him & s]ve a blue writ be=e ! tra9's few m9utes' pause 9 ! /ation end$4 ,! foll[+ w9t]1 inde$1 ?is happ5$1 ?\gh 9 a !atre & n 9 a railway c>riage4 ,! travell+ company1 ( :i* he =m$ a memb]1 0 giv+ its ,toronto week1 & a cr$itor 9 ! audi5ce recogniz$ him on ! /age1 ?\gh n ?is "t 9 8 ,irv+ wig4 ,! blue writ 0 s]v$1 ! bailiff /&+ 9 ! w+s until ! am\nt 0 paid4 ,9 ! mood ( reflection a tra9 j\rney eng5d]s1 a s5se ( p]spective slipp$ beh9d ! eighte5 mon?s j ov]4 ,%ot =? f my evangelical hot-h\se into colonial life1 x n[ seem$ to me r wond]ful t my utt] ignorance _h n l&$ me 9 yet worse muddles 444 ev5 9 gaol4444 ,"o incid5t1 oddly en\gh1 /ood out m cle>ly ?an ! re/4 ,b = my ridicul\s inexp]i5ce ( ! common conditions ( liv+1 my complete want ( savoir faire1 my unacqua9tance ev5 ) ! ways ( normal social behavi\r1 ,i might h n[ be5 9 v diff]5t circum/ances4 ,a q diff]5t c>e] might easily h op5$ = me1 a c>e] 9 a railway1 9 ! ,canadian ,pacific ,railway1 9 fact1 on "o ( ^: tra9s we 7 !n travell+4 ,b = my /upid ignorance1 an op5+ 9 ! ,c4,p4,r4 w\ld c]ta9ly h be5 f\nd = me1 :e!r x l$ to a future or n4 ,! incid5t1 slight & trivial ?\gh x 01 ?r[s a *>act]i/ic light on ! results ( my upbr++4 ,x happ5$ 9 ?is way3 ,among my fa!r's acqua9tance 7 ! bigwigs ( ! ,canadian ,pacific ,railway1 :o _h %[n him mu* c\rtesy on our e>li] visit4 ,! relation%ip ?is "t 0 n ( a religi\s k9d2 he 0 ,f9ancial ,secret>y to ! ,po/ ,(fice2 ! ,c4,p4,r4 c>ri$ ! mails4 ,sir ,george ,/eph5 & ,sir ,donald ,/ew>t _h n at t "t receiv$ _! pe]ages z ,my ,lords ,m\nt-,/eph5 & ,/ra?cona2 ,sir ,william van ,horne 0 /ill alive4 ,to all ( ^! ,i bore lett]s1 ?\gh ,i deliv]$--by po/ to ,montreal--only ! "o to ,sir ,george1 z ,presid5t ( ! l9e4 ,x met ) ! k9de/ possible response1 & = sev]al weeks ,i _h be5 await+ ! return ( ,t41 an important (ficial 9 ,toronto1 to :om my case _h be5 expla9$1 b :o 0 away at ! "t1 t\r+ ! we/ 9 8 special c>4 ,! mom5t ,i return$1 ,i felt reasonably sure t he w\ld f9d me a place ( "s sort or o!r :]e ,i c\ld at lea/ make a />t4 ,he _h1 9 fact1 be5 ask$ to d s4 ,) influ5ce1 too1 9 high qu>t]s beh9d me1 ,i _h e reason to hope4 ,! return ( ,mr4 ,t4 ,i await$ eag]ly4 ,he 0 a "y man1 ,i le>n$1 ( und\bt$ ability1 b 0 at ! same "t a petty fell[1 v pu%+1 v conceit$1 & a social snob ( ! mo/ flagrant type4 ,i 0 r fright5$1 inde$1 by :at ,i he>d1 = a colonial social snob c be a v t]rible creature1 z ,i _h already discov]$4 ,mr4 ,t4's return *anc$ to co9cide ) a big race meet+1 to be foll[$ by a ball at ,gov]nm5t ,h\se4 ,sir ,alex&] ,campbell 0 ,gov]nor ( ,ont>io at ! "t4 ,x 0 ! ev5t ( ! season1 & ( c\rse ,mr4 ,t4 came back 9 "t to att5d x & be 9 evid5ce4 ,) a p>ty ( fri5ds ,i drove to my fir/ race meet+ 7oh1 h[ ! clo!s1 ! talk1 ! ru%+ horses1 all look+ exactly alike1 bor$ me67 ) an invitation to ! gr& /& box ( ! ,gov]nor ,g5]al1 ,"l ,ab]de51 also a fri5d ( my fa!r's1 & 0 ?us introduc$ to ! railway (ficial "u ! be/ possible auspices4 ,my he>t beat high :5 ,i saw h[ he took tr\ble to be nice to me & begg$ me to call ^u him next day at 8 (fice1 say+ t 8some?+ c\ld no d\bt be arrang$ = me at once40 ,i 0 s delight$ t ,i felt incl9$ to cable home at once 8,got "w02 b ,i resi/$ ?is temptation & simply let my imag9ation play r\nd ! nature ( ! position ,i %\ld soon be hold+ 9 a v big company1 ) excell5t *ances ( promotion & sal>y4 ,i 0 too "y to be bo!r$ by ! man's patroniz+ mann] & did n c>e a /raw ab\t 8 condesc5sion & self-importance1 because ,i ?\ght only ( gett+ "w & a />t4 ,! ball fill$ me ) int5se %yness & al>m1 h[ev]1 = ,i _h nev] le>n$ to dance1 or be5 inside a ballroom1 & x 0 m]ely by *ance ,i f\nd out t :ite gloves & a :ite tie 7n a black "o z ,i _h always worn at home = d9n]7 7 ! prop] ?+s4 ,9 a colony1 too1 an ,engli%man1 :o pret5ds to any /&+1 _c be too c>eful ab\t social details2 = ev]y?+1 & m besides1 is expect$ ( him4 ,! ball 0 ev5 worse ?an ,i _h anticipat$4 ,i 0 n]v\s & uncom=table4 ,ignorant ( ! little obs]vances t w\ld h be5 kn[n to any man br\ght up diff]5tly1 ,i f\nd no?+ to say to ! num]\s pretty ,canadian girls1 unconv5tional & natural1 :o 7 introduc$ to me1 & ,i _h n ! slighte/ idea t ! correct & polite ?+ to d 0 to ask ea* "y lady = ! 8pleasure ( a dance40 ,:at p mu/ h ?\ght ( my mann]s ,i _c imag9e1 b ! climax 0 und\bt$ly rea*$ :5 ! railway (ficial swagg]$ up to me 9 ! middle ( ! room & said he wi%$ to introduce me to 8 si/]4 ,?is 0 duly accompli%$1 b--,i c\ld ?9k ( no?+ to say4 ,we /ood side by side1 ) ! (ficial beam+ ^u u1 ,i f+]+ my empty programme & ! girl wait+ to be ask$ = a dance4 ,b ! reque/ 0 n =?com+1 & aft] a few m9utes ( t]rible awkw>dness & half sil5ce1 ! purple-fac$ (ficial m>*$ 8 si/] (f aga91 highly insult$1 to introduce h] to m5 :o w\ld appreciate _! luck bett] ?an ,i _h done4 ,to him1 ( c\rse1 my mann]s mu/ h seem$ hopelessly rude4 ,he felt angry t ,i _h n ?\ght 8 si/] wor? ev5 ! ord9>y polit5ess ( a dance2 & to a ,canadian1 :o le>ns danc+ ) 8 bottle1 & dances indoors & out on e possible occasion1 ! omission mu/ h seem$ incr$ibly ill-mann]$1 & ! snub an un=givable "o4 ,i _c blame him4 ,i rema9$ 9 complete ignorance h[ev] ( my crime1 &1 beyond feel+ n]v\sly fooli%1 out ( place1 & g5]ally n mu* ( a success1 ,i _h no idea ,i _h giv5 cause = (f5ce until1 long aft]w>ds1 ,i he>d /ories ab\t myself & my behavi\r :i* made me realize t ,i _h done unp>donable ?+s & left undone all t 0 be/ & correct4 ,at ! "t1 h[ev]1 ,i _h no realization t ,i _h (f5d$ at all2 & 9 ! morn+ ,i w5t d[n accord+ to appo9tm5t to call ^u ! railway (ficial 9 8 f9e (fices & he> ! joyful news ( my appo9tm5t to a lucrative & hon\rable position 9 ! ,company4 ,x seem$ a little /range to me t ,i 0 kept wait+ exactly an h\r 9 ! out] (fice1 b ,i 0 s sure ( a pleasant int]view ) a practical result t :5 at la/ ! cl]k summon$ me to ! (ficial's sanctum1 ,i w5t 9 ) a smil+ face & goodwill & happ9ess 9 my he>t4 ,! g5]al manag]1 z ,i w call him1 ?\gh ?is title disguises 8 actual position1 greet$ me1 h[ev]1 )\t a ^w4 ,he 0 talk+ to a man :o /ood beside 8 desk1 & ?\gh he mu/ h he>d my "n ann\nc$1 he did n s mu* z turn 8 head4 ,i /ood look+ at ! fram$ photographs on ! wall = sev]al mom5ts be=e ! man w5t out1 & !n1 :5 ! door 0 clos$1 ,i advanc$ ) out/ret*$ h& & cordial mann] across ! room to greet my future employ]4 ,he glanc$ at me frigidly1 &1 )\t ev5 ris+ f 8 *air1 gave me a /iff b[ & said 9 a voice ( ! utmo/ =mality3 8,well1 sir1 & :at c ,i d = y80 ,! words fell into my bra9 l s _m p>ticles ( ice1 & froze my tongue4 ,su* a reception ,i _h nev] dream$ ( receiv+4 ,:at _h ,i done wrong8 ,h[ 9 ! _w _h ,i (f5d$8 ,n ev5 a ^w ( apology = keep+ me wait+ an h\r2 & n ev5 a seat (f]$ me4 ,i /ood !re fooli%ly = a mom5t1 completely puzzl$4 ,surely !re mu/ be a mi/ake4 ,! man _h =gott5 me1 or took me = somebody else4 8,i _h an appo9tm5t ) y at elev5 o'clock1 ,mr4 ,t410 ,i said n]v\sly1 b try+ to smile pleasantly4 8,y rememb] y 7 k9d en\gh to say ye/]day y ?\ght y might f9d "w = me to d 9--9 ! railway (fices40 ,! man's eyes fla%$1 j z ?\gh he 7 angry1 8 face turn$ r$1 & ,i c\ld n help sudd5ly notic+ :at a bad1 weak *9 he _h & h[ common & co>se ! l9es ( 8 face 74 ,! flu% seem$ to emphasize all its bad po9ts4 8,oh1 y want "w80 he said ) a di/9ct sne]1 look+ me up & d[n z if ,i 7 an animal to be judg$4 8,y want "w1 d y80 ,my n]v\sness began to melt away be=e 8 (f5sive mann]1 & ,i felt ! blood m\nt+1 b try+ to keep my temp] & to believe /ill !re mu/ be "s mi/ake1 ,i aga9 rem9d$ him ( our previ\s int]view at ! races & 9 ! ballroom4 8,oh1 to be sure1 yes1 n[ ,i rememb]10 he said casually1 & turn$ to take up p5cil & pap] on 8 desk4 ,i look$ ab\t = a *air1 b !re 0 none ne>1 s ,i rema9$ /&+1 feel+ some?+ l a suspect$ man ab\t to be exam9$ by a magi/rate4 8,:at c y d80 he ask$ abruptly4 8,well10 ,i /amm]$1 utt]ly surpris$ at 8 rud5ess & mann]1 8,i've n _h mu* exp]i5ce yet1 ( c\rse1 b ,i'm will+ to beg9 at ! bottom & "w up4 ,i'll d any?+ = a beg9n+40 8,t's :at ev]yone says4 #8,do+ any?+' is no good to me4 ,i want to "k :at y c d4 ,all my cl]ks "h write %or?&----0 8,i c write %or?& accurately & fa/10 ,i ha/5$ to int]rupt1 evid5tly to 8 surprise1 z ?\gh he _h n expect$ to f9d me ?us equipp$4 8,b at pres5t10 he ha/5$ to add1 8!re are no vacancies on my /aff1 & ,i fe> ,i c (f] y no?+ unless----0 he hesitat$ a mom5t & !n look$ me full 9 ! face4 ,?is "t !re c\ld be no mi/ake4 ,i saw blood 9 8 eye & ,i realiz$ he 0 savagely angry ) me = "s reason1 & 0 det]m9$ to make ! int]view z unpleasant = me z possible4 8----unless y c>e to sl+ baggage on a side /ation up ! l9e10 he f9i%$ sne]+ly4 ,! blood ru%$ to my face1 & ,i und]/ood 9 a fla% t ! int]view 0 a f>ce & 8 only object to humiliate me4 ,i _h s f> swall[$ my temp] on ! *ance ( gett+ a position1 b ,i knew t a po/ "u su* a man1 :o evid5tly hat$ me1 w\ld be worse ?an no?+4 ,s ,i gave him "o look f head to foot & turn$ to leave ! room4 ,i c\ld h /ruck him 9 ! jaw ) ! greate/ pleasure 9 ! _w4 8,!n ,i und]/& y h no vacancies10 ,i said quietly z soon z ,i got to ! door4 8,i w write & ?ank ,sir ,george ,/eph5 & tell him ab\t y\r k9dness to me40 ,i said ?is because x 0 ! only ?+ t occurr$ to me to say1 & n ) ! object ( mak+ him uncom=table4 ,i _h no int5tion ( putt+ my words into effect1 ,i _h no idea my /ray %ot w\ld hit ! m>k4 ,yet x did4 ,! (ficial1 purple1 & dismay$1 got up ha/ily1 & call$ me to /ay a mom5t & he w\ld see if some?+ 0 n possible4 ,hurri$ s5t5ces foll[$ me to ! passage1 b ,i m]ely b[$ & w5t out1 kn[+ p]fectly well t no?+ c\ld come ( fur!r conv]sation4 ,,*apt] ,x ,gradually1 ?us1 contact ) ord9>y p & exp]i5ces ) c]ta9 facets1 at lea/1 ( practical life _h begun to give me :at is call$ a k ( ! _w4 ,! hot-h\se upbr++ made ?is acquisition difficult z well z pa9ful2 !re /ill rema9$ a feel+ t ,i 0 8peculi>02 ignorance ( ?+s t to o!r y\?s ( tw5ty-"o 7 commonplaces /ill gave me little %ocks4 ,k t comes at ! wrong "t is apt to produce exagg]at$ effects2 & only ^? :o h %>$ ! *ildlike %elt] af=d$ by a /rict evangelical enclosure 9 e>ly ye>s c appreciate ! absurd want ( proportion :i* is "o ( ^! effects4 ,k ( 8natural0 human k9ds1 )held at ! "r mom5t1 & acquir$ lat]1 has its dang]s4444 ,two ?+s1 moreov]1 ab\t p a/oni%$ me 9 p>ticul>1 ,i rememb]2 !y a/oni% me ev5 m to-day4 ,be+1 9 bo? cases1 m]ely individual reactions1 to ! h]d1 !y are easily und]/&able1 & are m5tion$ "h because1 be+ entirely p]sonal1 !y reveal ! individual ^: adv5tures are describ$4 ,! fir/--x a/oni%$ me daily1 h\rly--0 ! indiff]5ce ( almo/ ev]ybody to ! great que/ions ,:5ce1 ,:y1 ,:i!r4 ,! few :o ask$ ^! que/ions seem$ cranks ( "o sort or ano!r2 ! imm5se majority ( p %[$ no int]e/ :atev]4 ,creatures ( extraord9>y complexity1 p[]s1 faculties1 set d[n = a giv5 p]iod1 )\t be+ consult$ app>5tly1 ^u a little planet amid c\ntless numb]s ( maje/ic1 t]rify+ suns 444 few %[$ ev5 ! fa9te/ int]e/ 9 ! purpose1 orig9 & goal ( _! exi/5ce4 ,( ^! few1 aga91 by f> ! majority 7 eag] to prove t s\l & _s 7 *emical reactions1 results ( "s =tuit\s conc\rse ( dead atoms1 to rob life1 9 a ^w1 ( all its wond]4 ,^! problems ( p>am\nt1 if insoluble1 int]e/1 7 tak5 z a matt] ( c\rse4 ,!re 01 inde$1 no s5se ( wond]4 ,x a/oni%$ me1 d\btless1 because 9 my own case ?is 0 ! only k9d ( k ,i desir$1 & desir$ passionately4 ,to me x 0 ! only real k1 ! only ?+ wor? kn[+4444 ,& ,i 0 ev] gett+ little %ocks on discov]+ gradually t n only 0 su* k n want$1 b t to talk ( its possibility con/itut$ "o a dream]1 if n a bore4 ,h[ anybody 9 possession ( ord9>y faculties c\ld look1 say1 at ! night sky ( />s1 & n "k ! wondr\s flood ( div9e curiosity ab\t 8 own p]sonal relation to ! univ]se dr5* 8 be+--?is nev] ceas$ to p]plex me4 ,yet ) almo/ ev]ybody1 ! few exceptions be+ usually 8odd10 conv]sation rapidly flatt5$ out z ?\gh su* ?+s 7 ( no importance1 :ile /ocks & %>es1 "s k9d ( practical 8m>ket-value10 at any rate1 quickly became aga9 ! topic ( real value4 ,n only1 h[ev]1 did ?is puzzle me2 x emphasiz$ at ?is "t "o's s5se ( be+ peculi>2 x sket*$ a gr[+ lonel9ess 9 m def9ite outl9e4 ,no "o want$ to make "s money m ?an ,i did1 b ^! o!r ?+s--"o reason1 d\btless1 :y ,i nev] did make money--came indubitably fir/4 ,! second big & daily a/oni%m5t ( ^? awak5+ ye>s1 :i* also has p]si/$1 if n actually int5sifi$1 conc]n$ ! blank irresponsiv5ess to beauty ( almo/ ev]ybody ,i _h to d )4 ,exceptions1 aga91 7 ei!r cranks or useless1 unpractical p1 failures to a man4 ,_m lik$ 8sc5]y10 ei!r p]ceiv+ x = !mselves1 or on hav+ x po9t$ out to !m2 b v few1 z ) myself1 knew _! dom9ant mood ( ! day influ5c$--well1 by a gleam ( light ^u ! lake at dawn1 a fa9t s\nd ( music 9 ! p9es1 a sudd5 /rip ( blue on a day ( /orm1 ! great pil$ col\r$ cl\ds at ev5+--8su* cl\ds z flit1 l spl5d\r-w+$ mo?s ab\t a tap]1 r\nd ! r$ we/ :5 ! sun dies 9 x40 ,^! ?+s _h an effect ( intoxication ^u me1 = x 0 ! wond] & beauty ( ,nature t t\*$ me mo/2 some?+ l ! delight ( ec/asy swept ov] me :5 ,i read ( sunrise 9 ! ,indian ,caucasus4444 8,! po9t ( "o :ite /> is quiv]+ /ill1 deep 9 ! orange light ( wid5+ morn beyond ! purple m\nta9s 4440 & x 0 a g5u9e a/oni%m5t to me t s few1 s v few1 felt ! slighte/ response1 or ev5 notic$1 a ?\s& & "o details 9 sky & e>? t delight$ me ) haunt+ joy = h\rs at a /ret*4 ,) ,kay1 my late 8p>tn] 9 booze10 z ,i _h he>d him call$1 !re 0 suffici5t response 9 ^! two p>ticul>s to make him a sympa!tic companion4 ,if ^! ?+s 7 n ( dom9ant importance to him1 !y 7 at lea/ important4 ,hum\r & c\rage be+ likewise 81 he prov$ a delightful comrade dur+ our five mon?s ( lonely isl& life4 ,:at 8 view ( myself may h be5 is h>d to say2 luckily p]haps1 ,kay 0 n a scribbl]4444 ,he w agree1 ,i ?9k1 t we 7 c]ta9ly v happy 9 our fairyl& ( peace & lovel9ess amid ! ,muskoka ,lakes ( ,nor!rn ,ont>io4 ,our isl&1 "o ( _m 9 ,lake ,rosseau1 0 ab\t t5 acres 9 ext5t1 irregul>ly %ap$1 ov]gr[n ) p9es1 its we/]n end runn+ out to a %>p ridge we call$ ,sunset ,po9t1 its ea/]n end fac+ ! dawn 9 a high rocky bluff4 ,x rose 9 ! c5tre to p]haps a hundr$ feet1 x _h little secret bays1 pools ( deep wat] b5ea? ! rocky bluff = high div+1 s&y nooks1 & a %elt]$ cove :]e a boat c\ld ride at an*or 9 all wea!rs4 ,close to ! %ore1 b hidd5 by ! p9es1 0 a "o-room$ hut ) two camp-b$s1 a big table1 a wide balcony1 & a t9y kit*5 9 a %ack adjo9+4 ,a canoe & r[+-boat w5t ) ! isl&1 a dim9utive :>f z well4 ,on ! ma9l&1 a mile & a half to ! nor?1 0 an ,engli% settl] nam$ ,woods :o _h cle>$ ! =e/ "s tw5ty-five ye>s be=e1 & turn$ ! wild]ness into a m or less productive f>m4 ,milk1 eggs & vegetables we obta9$ f "t to "t4 ,to ! s\? & ea/ & we/ lay op5 wat] = sev]al miles1 dott$ by simil> isl&s ) summ] camps & bungal[s on !m4 ,! ?ree big lakes--,rosseau1 ,muskoka & ,joseph--=m ! lett] ,y1 our isl& be+ :]e ! ?ree /rokes jo9$4 ,to me x 0 p>adise1 ! ne>e/ approa* to a dream come true ,i _h yet kn[n4 ,! climate 0 dry1 sunny & brac+1 ! air cle> z cry/al1 ! nights cool4 ,9 moonlight ! isl&s seem$ to float ^u ! wat]1 & :5 !re 0 no moon ! reflection ( ! />s _h an effect ( phosphoresc5ce 9 "s s\!rn sea4 ,dawns & sunsets1 too1 7 a con/ant delight1 & be=e we left 9 late ,septemb] we _h wat*$ ?r\gh half ! night ! /range spectacle ( ! ,nor!rn ,lights 9 all _! r awful spl5d\r4 ,! day we arriv$--,may #bd?--a ,scot* mi/ veil$ all di/ant views1 ! isl& _h a lonely & des]t$ air1 a t\* ( melan*oly ab\t its sombre p9es2 & :5 ! small /eam] _h deposit$ u ) our luggage on ! slipp]y :>f & vani%$ into ! mi/1 ,i rememb] ,kay's disconsolate expression z he rem>k$ gravely3 8,we %an't /ay "h long60 ,our fir/ supp] deep5$ 8 conviction1 =1 ?\gh !re 7 lamps1 we _h =gott5 to br+ oil1 & we dev\r$ bread & porridge quickly be=e night set 94 ,x 0 c]ta9ly a contra/ to ! brilliantly lit corn] ( ! ,hub d9+-room :]e we _h eat5 our la/ d9n]4444 ,b ! foll[+ morn+ at six o'clock1 aft] a ba! 9 ! cool blue wat]1 :ile a dazzl+ sun %one 9 a cl\dless sky1 he _h already *ang$ 8 m9d4 ,our imm$iate pa/ seem$ h>dly cr$ible n[4 ,jimmy ,m>t91 ! 8,duke10 ! ,me?odi/ woodcuts1 ! life insurance (fices1 to say no?+ ( ! sport+ goods emporium1 r$-be>d$ bailiffs1 ,alfr$ ,coop]1 & a furi\s half-intoxicat$ ,iri% cook--all fad$ into ! atmosph]e ( "s half-=gott51 ugly dream4 ,we at once set our h\se 9 ord]4 ,we _h sav$ a small sum 9 ca% f ! g5]al wreck2 a little w5t a long way2 pick]el 7 to be caught = ! tr\ble ( troll+ a spoon-bait r\nd ! coa/1 & we soon discov]$ :]e ! black bass hid "u rocky l$ges ( c]ta9 pools4 ,9 a few weeks1 too1 we _h le>n$ to manage a canoe to ! po9t ( upsett+ x f> f %ore1 %ak+ x half-empty :ile tread+ wat]1 !n climb+ 9 aga9--! po9t :]e safety1 accord+ to ! ,canadians1 is atta9$4 ,ev5 9 ^! big lakes1 x 0 r>e t ! wat] 0 too r\gh = go+ out1 once ! craft 0 ma/]$2 a 8,rice ,lake0 or 8,pet]bor\gh10 z !y 7 call$1 c\ld face any?+2 a turn ( ! wri/ c\ld 8lift0 !m2 !y answ]$ ! paddle l a liv+ ?+2 a *ief secret ( control be+ t ! kneel+ occupant %\ld feel himself actually a "p ( 8 canoe4 ,?is trifl+ k1 ga9$ dur+ our idle holiday1 came 9 useful ye>s lat] :5 tak+ a canoe d[n ! ,danube1 f its s\rce 9 ! ,black ,=e/1 to ,budape/4 ,"t c]ta9ly nev] hung heavy on our h&s4 ,be=e ,july1 :5 ! ,canadians came up to _! summ] camps1 we _h explor$ e bay & inlet ( ! lakes1 _h camp$ out on _m an en*ant$ isl&1 & _h made long] exp$itions ( sev]al days at a "t into ! great region ( backwoods t began due nor?4 ,^! trips1 we/w>d to ,georgian ,bay ) its ?\s& isl&s1 on ,lake ,huron1 or nor?w>d beyond ,fr5* ,riv]1 :]e ! primeval backwoods beg9 _! unbrok5 /ret* to ,james ,bay & ! ,arctic1 7 a s\rce ( ke5 joy4 ,our cook+ 0 p]haps primitive1 b we kept well on x4 ,) books1 a fiddle1 exp$itions1 to say no?+ ( laundry & commiss>iat "w1 ! days pass$ rapidly4 ,kay 0 v busy1 too1 8prep>+ = ! /age10 z he call$ x1 & ,%akespe>e 0 always 9 8 h& or pocket4 ,! ea/]n end ( ! isl& 0 res]v$ = ^! rehe>sals1 :ile ! ,sunset ,po9t end 0 my especial "p1 & :ile ,i 0 practis+ ! fiddle or deep 9 my ,ea/]n books1 ,kay1 at ! o!r po9t ( ! isl&1 high on 8 rocky bluff1 c\ld be he>d sometimes boom+ 8,! _w is out ( jo9t4 ,oh curs$ fate t ,i 0 born to set x "r10 & ,i 0 conv9c$ t he wore 8 ,irv+ wig1 no matt] :at l9es he sp\t$4 ,9 ! ev5+s1 z we lay aft] supp] at ,sunset ,po9t1 wat*+ ! col\rs fade & ! />s appe>1 x 0 ! exception if he did n murmur to himself 8444 ! />s came out1 ov] t summ] sea10 & !n declaim 9 8 great voice ! :ole ( 8,! ,rev5ge0 :i* ends 8,i1 ,sir ,ri*>d ,gr5ville1 die60--8 tall figure silh\ett$ aga9/ ! sunset1 8 voice e*o+ among ! p9es beh9d him4 ,consid]ations = ! future 7 delib]ately %elv$2 we liv$ 9 ! pres5t1 z wise m5 %\ld2 ,new ,york1 we knew1 lay wait+ = u1 b we agre$ to let x wait4 ,my fa!r's sugge/ion--8y\r "r c\rse is to return to ,toronto1 f9d "w1 & live d[n y\r pa/0--0 a c\nsel ( p]fection ,i disreg>d$4 ,new ,york1 ! busy1 /r5u\s1 g-ahead ,unit$ ,/ates1 (f]$ ! irresi/ible lure ( a promis$ l&1 & we bo? meant to try our =tunes !re4 ,h[ we %\ld rea* x1 or :at we %\ld d :5 we did rea* x1 7 problems ^: solution 0 po/pon$4 ,on look+ back ,i c only m>vel at ! pati5ce ) :i* nei!r tir$ ( ! o!r4 ,p]haps x 0 p]fect heal? t made squabbles s impossible4 ,nor 0 !re any h9t ( monotony1 /range to say4 ,we _h _m an escape1 upsett+ 9 wild wea!r1 los+ our way 9 ! trackless =e/s ( ! ma9l&1 climb+ or fell+ trees1 b "s ,pan-l deity look$ aft] u4444 ,! _s ( ,%elley1 ( c\rse1 haunt$ me day & night2 8,prome!us ,unb\nd10 pages ( :i* ,i knew by he>t1 lit e>? & sky1 peopl$ ! =e/s1 turn$ /ream & lake alive1 & made e glade & s&y bay a floor = danc+ silv]y feet3 8,oh1 foll[1 foll[1 ?r\gh ! cav]ns holl[2 ,z ! song floats ?\ pursue1 ,:]e ! wild bee nev] flew44440 ,i /ill he> ,kay's heavy voice1 a little out ( tune1 s++ to my fiddle ! melody ,i made = x4 ,& h[ he us$ to laugh6 ,always at himself1 b also at & ) mo/ o!r ?+s1 an infecti\s1 jolly :olesome laught]1 inspir$ by details ( our c>e-free isl& life1 f 8 be>d & ,%akespe>e rehe>sals to my own :isk]s & uncut hair1 my ,%elley moods & my int5se ,yoga exp]im5ts4444 ,mu* ( ! *>m ( our lonely life vani%$ :51 ) high summ]1 ! p came up to _! camps & h\ses on ! o!r isl&s4 ,! solitude 0 !n di/urb$ by canoes1 sail+-boats1 /eam-laun*es2 s++ & %\t+ broke ! deep sil5ces2 camp-fires 9 a doz5 directions blaz$ at night4 ,_m ( ^! p we _h kn[n well 9 ,toronto1 b no "o call$ on u4 ,sometimes we w\ld paddle to "s di/ant camp-fire1 ly+ on ! wat] j outside ! circle ( light1 & recogniz+ acqua9tances1 ev5 =m] cu/om]s ( ,hub & ,dairy & ! ,sport+ ,goods ,emporium1 b nev] lett+ ourselves be se54 ,ev]ybody knew we 7 liv+ on ! isl&2 yet avoidance 0 mutual4 ,we 7 9 disgrace1 x seem$1 & *iefly because ( ! ,hub--n because ( our conduct ) reg>d to x1 b1 app>5tly1 because we _h left ! t[n sudd5ly )\t say+ good-bye to all & sundry4 ,?is abrupt disappe>ance _h argu$ some?+ wrong1 some?+ we 7 a%am$ (4 ,all mann] ( wild tales rea*$ u1 mo/ ( !m a/oni%+ly remote f ! tru?4 ,?is capacity = inv5tion & imag9ative detail ( mo/ +5i\s sort1 us+ ! t9ie/ insignificant item ( tru? z />t+ po9t1 sugge/s t ev5 ! dulle/ p mu/ h high arti/ic faculties tuck$ away some:]e 9 !m4 ,_m ( ^! tales we trac$ to _! s\rce--usually a p]son ! _w consid]$ devoid ( fancy1 ev5 dull4 ,"h1 evid5tly1 possess+ g5u9e creative p[]1 7 unpubli%$ noveli/s ) di/9ct gifts ( romance & fantasy :o _h miss$ _! real vocation4 ,! tru? ab\t u 01 inde$1 f> f glori\s1 b ^! wild tales made u feel almo/ sup]m54 ,_m ye>s lat] ,i met o!r in/ances ( ?is p[] t dull1 ev5 /upid p c\ld keep c>efully hidd5 till ! "r opportunity = production (f]s--,i 0 cr$it$1 to "n ! be/1 ) sup]human p[]s ( ,black ,magic1 :atev] t may be1 & ( sorc]y4 ,x 0 soon aft] a book ( m9e1 8,john ,sil5ce10 _h appe>$4 ,a /ory rea*$ my e>s1 ! "n ( its au?or boldly giv51 to ! effect t1 = ! purposes ( ?is ,black ,magic1 ,i _h /ol5 ! vases f ! communion alt> ( ,/4 ,paul's ,ca!dral & us$ _! consecrat$ cont5t 9 "s t]rible orgy call$ ! ,black ,mass4 ,"y *ildr51 too1 7 someh[ involv$ 9 ?is c]emony ( sacrilegi\s sorc]y1 & ,i 0 go+ to be arre/$4 ,! au?or ( ?is novelette 0 well kn[n to me1 connect$ ev5 by blood ties1 a p]son ,i _h always conceiv$ to be )\t ! fa9te/ ( imag9ative gifts1 ?\gh a cr$ul\s read]1 evid5tly1 ( ! m$ival tales conc]n+ ! mon/r\s ,gilles de ,rais4 ,absurd z x s\nds1 a solicitor's lett] 0 necess>y f9ally to limit ! au?or's prolific output1 al?\gh pirat$ editions cont9u$ to sell = a consid]able "t4 ,!re is a poet hidd51 z ,/ev5son obs]v$1 9 mo/ ( u6 ,mean:ile1 summ] began to wane2 we consid]$ plans = attack+ ,new ,york2 hope rose /rongly 9 u bo?2 disappo9tm5ts & failures 7 =gott54 ,9 s big a city we 7 c]ta9 to f9d "w4 ,we _h a hundr$ doll>s laid aside = ! j\rney & to tide u ov] ! fir/ few days until employm5t came4 ,we c\ld n hide = ev] 9 fairyl&4 ,life call$ to u4444 ,late 9 ,septemb]1 j :5 ! lakes 7 beg9n+ to recov] _! fir/ solitude aga91 we pack$ up to leave4 ,?\gh ! sun 0 /ill hot at midday1 ! morn+s & ev5+s 7 *ill1 & cold w9ds _h begun to bl[4 ,! fam\s fall col\r+ _h set fire to ! woods2 ! suma* blaz$ a gorge\s r$1 ! maples 7 crimson & gold1 half ( ! ma9l& seem$ 9 flame4 ,sorr[fully1 yet ) eag] anticipation 9 our he>ts1 we p\r$ wat] on our camp-fire t _h s]v$ u = five mon?s )\t relight+1 lock$ ! door ( ! %anty1 h&$ ov] to ,woods ! canoe & boat1 & caught ! little /eam] on "o ( its la/ trips to ,grav5hur/ :]e ! tra9 w\ld take u1 via ,toronto1 to ,new ,york4 ,x _h be5 a delightful exp]i5ce2 ,i _h se5 & kn[n at la/ ! primeval woods2 ,i _h ev5 se5 ,r$ ,indians by ! doz5 9 _! pa!tic ,res]vations1 & if !y did n1 l ! _s ( ! ,m$ic9e ,man 9 ,ed9burgh1 advise me to 8scrat*10 !y c]ta9ly made up = ! omission by con/antly scrat*+ !mselves4 ,x seems curi\s to me n[ t1 dur+ ^? mon?s ( happy leisure1 ! desire to write nev] once decl>$ itself4 ,x nev] occurr$ to me to write ev5 a description ( our picturesque way ( liv+1 mu* less to attempt an essay or a /ory4 ,nor did plans = f9d+ "w 9 ,new ,york--we discuss$ !m by ! score--include 9 _! wond]ful v>iety any sugge/ion ( a p5 & pap]4 ,at ! age ( tw5ty-two1 lit]>y ambition did n exi/ at all4 ,! ,muskoka int]lude rema9$ = me a sp>kl+1 radiant memory1 alight ) ! sun%9e ( uncl\d$ skies1 ) ! gleam ( />s 9 a blue-black heav51 swept by =e/ w9ds1 & set aga9/ a backgr\nd ( primeval =e/s t /ret*$ )\t a break = six hundr$ miles ( lonely & untrodd5 beauty4 ,,*apt] ,,xi ,kay & ,i arriv$ 9 ,new ,york on a crisp1 sunny aft]noon ) sixty doll>s 9 h& out ( ! orig9al hundr$ set by = ! purpose1 & took a room 9 ! ,imp]ial ,hotel1 ,broadway1 :i* someone _h recomm5d$4 ,we knew no "o1 _h no lett]s ( introduction4 ,we 7 tann$ ! col\r ( ,r$ ,indians1 9 p]fect physical condition1 b ) a v scanty w>drobe4 ,! furi\s turmoil ( ! noisy city1 boil+ ) irrepressible en]gies1 =m$ an odd contra/ to ! peace & /illness ( ! =e/s4 ,!re 0 indiff]5ce 9 bo? cases1 b :]eas !re x 0 tol]ant & k9dly1 "h x seem$ intol]ant & aggressive4 8,get a hu/le on1 or get out10 0 ! note4 ,nature welcom$1 :ile human nature res5t$1 ! intrusion ( two new atoms4 ,no/algia = ! woods swept ov] me vehem5tly1 b at ! same "t an eag] anticipation to get "w4 ,we /udi$ ! pap]s at once = rooms1 *oos+ a bo>d+ h\se 9 ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet1 betwe5 ,broadway & #d? ,av5ue4 ,some?+ 9 ! word+ caught u4 ,an h\r aft] our arrival we int]view$ ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 & engag$ ! ?ird floor back1 breakfa/ includ$1 = eight doll>s a week4 ,x 0 *eap4 ,! slov5ly1 emotional1 fat ,jewess1 ) h] greasy locks1 jewell]y1 & tawdry f9]y1 _h some?+ mo!rly ab\t h] t appeal$4 ,%e smil$4 ,%e did n ask = paym5t 9 advance4 8,:at's y\r "w10 %e inquir$1 gaz+ up at me4 8,oh1 ,i'm go+ on ! newspap]s10 ,i said (fh&1 tak+ ! fir/ idea t (f]$1 b little dream+ x 0 to prove true4 8,i %all be on ! /age10 ,kay promptly add$1 8z soon z my arrangem5ts are made40 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 smil$4 ,%e knew ! p[] ( ! ,press & fav\r$ report]s4 8,my hosp&10 %e in=m$ ,kay sympa!tically1 8is an arti/ too1 a moosician4 ,he has 8 own orghe/ra40 ,:ile ,kay /udi$ ! !atrical pap]s1 ,i took ! elevat$ railway d[n-t[n4 ,i want$ to /& on ,brooklyn ,bridge aga94 ,s9ce fir/ see+ x ) my fa!r a few ye>s be=e1 & aga9 on my arrival eighte5 mon?s ago1 en r\te = ,toronto1 ! place _h held my imag9ation4 ,some?+ s5tim5tal lay 9 ?is ?ird j\rney1 = ,i want$ to g alone4 ,halfway across1 at ! highe/ po9t1 ,i /ood look+ d[n ^u ! great wat]way betwe5 ! two cities ( ! new _w1 & ! feel+ ( a fre% *apt] 9 life1 ) its inevitable comp>isons1 rose 9 me4444 ,! sun 0 s9k+ beh9d ! hills ( ,new ,j]sey1 & ! cr[d$ bay lay a %eet ( gold5 %imm]4 ,huge1 d\ble-end$ f]ry boats1 ply+ betwe5 ! wood$ %ores ( ,/at5 & ,manhattan ,isl&s & ,brooklyn1 ru%$ to & fro ) great snort+s & hoot+s2 little tugs da%$ 9 e direction ) va/ importance2 sailboats1 ya*ts1 s*oon]s & cat-boats dott$ ! wat] l a ?\s& liv+ ?+s2 & ?read+ maje/ically ?r\gh !m all /eam$ "o or two impressive ,atlantic l9]s1 imm5se & ca/le-l1 t[]+ above all else1 z !y mov$ sl[ly out t[>d ! op5 sea4 ,! deep poetry :i* ev] frames ! mo/ prosaic ?+s1 l5d+ !m _! real significance1 came ov] me ) ! w9d f t op5 sea4 ,i /ood wat*+ ! fad+ lights beyond ! bay1 :ile beh9d me ! cr[d$ tra9s1 at ! rate ( "o a m9ute1 pass$ ?und]+ across ! bridge1 & ?\s&s ^u ?\s&s ( tir$ work]s ?rong$ to _! ,brooklyn homes aft] _! day 9 ! bigg] city4 ,! great bridge sway$ & ?robb$ z ! d5se masses ( p$e/rians climb$ uphill to ! c5tre1 !n sw>m$ 9 a ?ick black riv] d[n ! ne!r slope4 ,i _h nev] se5 su* numb]s1 or su* spe$ ( n]v\s movem5t1 & ! eag]1 t5se faces1 usually /ra9$1 :ite1 drawn z well1 t\*$ an unpleasant note4 ,new ,york1 ,i felt1 0 n to be trifl$ )2 ! human elem5t 0 /r5u\sly ke52 no loaf+ or dream+ "h2 "w to ! la/ ounce1 or ! city w\ld make cat's meat ( "o6 ,:]eupon1 by contra/1 /ole back aga9 ! deep en*antm5t ( ! sil5t woods1 & ! long+ = ! great1 /ill places rose2 ,i saw our little isl& float+ b5ea? glitt]+ />s2 a loon 0 laugh+ f>!r out2 ! ,nor!rn ,lights w5t fla%+ to mid-heav52 !re 0 a s\nd ( w9d among ! p9es4 ,! huge /ructure t re>$ above me seem$ unreal2 ! riv] ( m5 & wom5 slipp$ pa/ l sil5t %ad[s2 ! tra9s & boats became remote & hu%$2 & ! ugly out] _w ab\t me m]g$ 9 ! sub/ance ( a dream & 0 =gott54444 ,i turn$ & look$ out ov] ,new ,york4 ,i saw its l(ty spires1 its mass$ build+s1 gigantic 9 ! sky2 ,i saw ! op5+ ( ! great ,hudson ,riv]1 & ! d>k5+ wat] ( ! bay2 ,i he>d1 l a s9i/] multiple voice out ( ! future1 ! /rid5t cry ( ?is wond]ful & t]rible capital ( ! ,new ,_w1 & ! deep puls+s ( its eng9es ( frantic ha/e & untir+ en]gy4 ,! g5]al note1 ,i rememb]1 0 al>m+ r2 a t\* ( lonel9ess1 ( my own /upid incompet5ce to deal ) its aggressive _s1 9 :i* gleam$ some?+ m]ciless1 almo/ cruel--?is 0 ! response x /irr$ 9 me4 ,i sudd5ly realiz$ ,i _h no trade1 no tal5ts to sell1 no weapons ) :i* to fight4 ,my he>t sank a little4 ,among ^! teem+ millions1 ) _! te>+ spe$1 _! fr5zi$ en]gy1 _! appall+ practical k1 ,i possess$ b "o fri5d1 ,kay1 & "s sixty doll>s betwe5 u4 ,new ,york w\ld eat me up unless ,i 8got a hu/le on40 ,next morn+1 our capital mu* r$uc$1 we mov$ into ! lodg+ h\se4 ,! idea ( %>+ a b$1 9 view ( our size & ! n>r[ness ( ! b$1 amus$ u1 b )\t en?usiasm4 ,! s(a 0 too small to sleep on4 8,we'll move10 ann\nc$ ,kay1 8z soon z we get jobs40 ,a telegram 0 s5t to ,toronto giv+ our address1 & a few days lat] a pack+ case arriv$ ) our ,toronto possessions1 & t5 doll>s to pay out ( our small total4 ,we f\nd close at h&1 9 #bj? ,/reet1 a *eap clean ,g]man re/aurant--,kris*'s--:]e a meal ( sorts c\ld be _h = #cj c5ts1 tip #e c5ts2 x _h a s&$ floor & 0 half bi]-/ube1 & "o ( its smil+ wait]s1 ,otto--he came f ! ,black ,=e/ :]e ,i _h be5 to s*ool--prov$ a true fri5d lat]1 all[+ u occasional cr$it at 8 own risk2 a ,*9ese laundry 0 look$ up 9 ,f\r? ,av5ue2 ,i sp5t "o ( our preci\s doll>s 9 a small /ore ( fiddle /r+s aga9/ a possible evil day--a /r+ meant m to me ?an a /eak--& we 7 !n ready = our campaign4 ,n a m9ute 0 lo/4 ,kay1 9 v sangu9e mood1 ! ,irv+ wig1 ,i %rewdly suspect$1 9 8 pocket1 w5t out to int]view manag]s2 :ile ,i took a tra9 d[n-t[n to int]view ,h>p]'s1 z be+ ! mo/ important publi%+ h\se ,i knew4 ,?is /ep 0 ! result ( _m discussions ) ,kay1 :o said he 0 sure ,i c\ld write4 ,! ,r$ ,indian advice ( ! ,ed9burgh 8_s0 _h impress$ him4 8,t's y\r l9e10 he assur$ me4 8,try ! magaz9es40 ,i felt no simil> assurance1 no desire to write 0 9 me2 we _h work$ ourselves up to a conviction t bold1 imm$iate action 0 ! fir/ ess5tial ( our position2 to get pupils = my two languages or %or?& seem$ impossible 9 a city l ,new ,york2 !re=e ,i hurri$ d[n1 ) vague int5tions b a high he>t1 to ,h>p]'s4 ,!re 0 ! ,magaz9e1 ! ,weekly1 & ,h>p]'s ,"y ,p4 ,"o ( !m surely w\ld li/5 to my tale4 ,i *ose ! ,weekly = "s unkn[n reason4 ,= "s equally unkn[n reason ,i 0 admitt$ to ! editor's sanctum1 &1 /ill m /range1 ,ri*>d ,h>d+ ,davis li/5$ to my tale4 ,8 success z a noveli/ _h j begun2 he _h left ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 :]e 8 8,van ,bibb]0 /ories _h made him fir/ kn[n2 8 popul>ity 0 ris+ fa/1 ?\gh ,i _h nev] he>d ( him4 ,my tale 0 brief1 hav+ be5 rehe>s$ 9 ! tra94 ,x took1 p]haps1 ?ree m9utes at mo/ to rattle x (f--my p>5tage1 my f>m & hotel1 my int]e/ 9 ,ea/]n ,?\ght1 my pres5t de/itution1 & ,i rememb] add+1 8,y see1 ,i _c possibly g home to ,engl& aga9 until ,i h made good someh[40 8,h y writt5 any?+80 he ask$1 aft] li/5+ pati5tly ) rais$ eyebr[s4 8,well--no1 ,i hav5't1 n yet1 ,i'm afraid40 ,i expla9$ t ,i want$ to beg91 ?\gh :at ,i really want$ 0 only paid employm5t4 ,! au?or ( 8,van ,bibb]0 & 8,a ,soldi] ( ,=tune0 look$ me up & d[n & !n *uckl$4 ,aft] a mom5t's sil5ce1 he got up1 l$ me across ! hall to ano!r door1 op5$ x )\t knock+ & said to a man :o 0 seat$ at a table smo!r$ 9 pap]s3 8,?is is ,mr4 ,blackwood1 an ,engli%man1 :o wants to write some?+ = y4 ,he is prep>$ to write any?+--f ,ea/]n philosophy to #8,h[ to run a hotel 9 ,canada4'0 ,! door clos$ beh9d me1 ) no ^w ( f>ewell1 & ,i le>n$ t ! man fac+ me 0 ! editor ( ,h>p]'s ,"y ,p4 ,8 "n1 if ,i rememb] rightly1 0 ,/orey1 & he 0 an ,engli%man1 :o1 curi\sly en\gh1 almo/ at once m5tion$ my fa!r4 ,he _h be5 an employ ( ! ,g4,p4,o4 9 ,london4 ,he 0 unpleasant1 sup]cili\s1 patroniz+ & (f-h&1 pr\d ( 8 editorial p[]4 ,he gave me1 h[ev]1 my fir/ assignm5t--to write a %ort1 descriptive article ab\t a c>go ( wild animals t _h j arriv$ = ! ,new ,york 8,zoo40 ,i hurri$ (f to ! /eam]1 b\ght "s pap]1 wrote ! article 9 a pew ( ,tr9ity ,*ur* 9 ,l[] ,broadway1 & return$ ?ree h\rs lat] to submit x4 ,/orey read x & said )\t en?usiasm x w\ld d1 b :5 ,i ask$ 8,is x good80 he %ook 8 head ) ! comm5t 8,well--"s m5 w\ld h made m ( x p]haps40 ,x 0 pr9t$1 h[ev]1 & 9 due c\rse ,i got t5 doll>s = x4 ,i inquir$ if ,i c\ld d some?+ else4 ,he took my address4 ,no fur!r results foll[$4 ,evid5tly1 ,i realiz$1 writ+ 0 n my l9e1 & bo? ,kay & ! ,r$ ,indian ,m$ic9e ,man 7 mi/ak54 ,kay's report ( 8 luck1 :5 we met aga9 t ev5+ 0 meagre2 he _h met an ,engli% ,%akespe>ean actor1 ,bob ,mantell1 & a ,toronto acqua9tance1 ! 8,duke40 ,! actor1 h[ev]1 _h giv5 him an introduction or two1 & ! ,duke _h ask$ u to play next day 9 a cricket mat* on ,/at5 ,isl&4 ,x 0 an elev5 ( ,actors v4 ! ,/at5 ,isl& ,club1 & ,kay w\ld meet useful p4 ,9 sangu9e mood we agre$ to g4 ,x prov$ a mom5t\s mat* = me4 ,be=e x came (f1 h[ev]1 some?+ else _h happ5$ t may seem v small be]1 b t provid$ me ) a recurr5t horror = _m mon?s to come1 a horror p]haps disproportionate to its cause4 ,x fill$ me1 at any rate1 ) a peculi> loa?+ z ( "s hide\s nightm>e4 ,i _h nev] se5 ! ?+s be=e2 _! %ape1 _! unga9ly yet rapid movem5t1 _! uncanny p[] ( disappe>+ 9 a second1 _! numb]1 _! dirty col\r1 above all _! smell1 n[ gave me ! s5sations ( acute nausea4 ,kay's laught]1 ?\gh he too felt disgu/ & indignation1 br\ght no com=t4 ,we ev5tually got up & lit ! gas4 ,we caught x4 ,i _h my fir/ view ( ! bea/4 ,we />$ at ea* o!r 9 horror4 ,!n ,kay sniff$ ! air4 8,t expla9s x10 he said1 ref]r+ to a fa9t od\r ( oil we _h bo? notic$ :5 engag+ ! room4 8,!y put x 9 ! woodwork to kill !m10 he add$4 8,x's ! only ?+4 ,b x nev] really gets rid ( !m1 ,i'm afraid40 ,! ang] ( ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 :5 we accus$ h] 9 ! morn+1 h] indignant d5ials1 h] blu/] ab\t 8ins\lts10 & t 8nev] _h soo* a t'+ be5 said ( h] h\se pe=e10 7 n half z comic z h] expression :5 ,i sudd5ly produc$ ! soap-di% ) its damn+ evid5ce--#ag all told4 ,%e />$1 held h] brea? a second1 !n v quietly said 8,a*1 ,a*6 ,if y /ay1 *5telm51 ,i take von toll> (f ! price40 ,x 0 impossible n to laugh ) h]2 !re 0 some?+ k9d & mo!rly1 some?+ good & hone/ & dec5t ab\t h] we bo? lik$2 %e w\ld d h] be/1 we believ$2 possibly %e really w\ld ext]m9ate ! o!r t5ants4 ,we /ay$ on4 ,( ! cricket mat* on ,/at5 ,isl&1 beyond ! pretty gr\nd ) its big trees1 & t we got a good lun* )\t pay+ = x1 no memory rema9s4 ,:at /&s out vividly is ! tall figure ( ,ar?ur ,glyn ,boyde1 a fa/ b[l] & a good bat1 & "o ( ! mo/ ent]ta9+ & sympa!tic companions ,i _h ev] met4 ,8 clo!s 7 %abby1 b 8 graceful mann]s1 8 voice1 8 smile1 ev]y?+ ab\t him1 9 fact1 betray$ ! ,engli% g5tleman4 ,he 0 ab\t ?irty ye>s ( age1 ( ! mo/ frank & engag+ appe>ance1 ) k9dly1 hone/ blue eyes1 9 "o ( :i* he wore an eyeglass4 ,i rememb] ! little fact t he1 ,kay & myself 7 measur$ = a bet aft] ! mat*1 & t he1 l ,kay1 0 six feet two in*es1 be+ "o in* %ort] ?an myself4 ,i took to him at once1 & he to me4 ,8 real "n 0 a di/+ui%$ "o :i* he %>$1 x turn$ out1 ) "s c\s9s ( my own4 ,we 71 !re=e1 relat$4 ,! bond 0 deep5$4 ,times _h gone h>d ) him1 x seem$1 b at ! mom5t he 0 on ! /age1 be+ und]/udy to ,morton ,selton z ,m]ivale 9 8,capta9 ,lett>blair10 :i* ,e4 ,h4 ,so!rn's company 0 !n play+4 ,9 8,! ,disreputable ,mr4 ,reag510 by1 ,i ?9k1 ,ri*>d ,h>d+ ,davis he _h also play$ ! rle ( ! detective4 ,he 0 wait+1 h[ev]1 = a mu* bett] po/1 z huntsman to ! ,rockaway ,hunt1 a ,long ,isl& fa%ionable club1 & ?is po/1 oddly en\gh1 0 9 ! gift1 he told me1 ( ,davis4 ,x _h be5 practically promis$ to him1 he might he> any day4444 ,! /ory ( 8 _m jobs & w&]+s int]e/$ u1 & 8 !atre "w promis$ to be helpful 9 _m ways to :at 0 call$ my 8room-mate40 ,boyde's exp]i5ce ( ,new ,york g5]ally 0 invaluable to u bo?1 & ! fact t he _h n[h]e to sleep t night 7hav+ be5 turn$ out by 8 l&lady7 gave u ! opportunity to invite him to our humble qu>t]s4 ,we m5tion$ ! o!r t5ants1 b he said t made no diff]5ce1 he w\ld sleep on ! s(a4 ,he d9$ ) u at ,kris*'s2 he 0 extremely h>d up2 luckily1 we /ill _h en\gh to invite a fri5d4 ,8 only luggage 0 a small bag1 = he told u1 ) a rueful smile1 t 8 clo!s 7 all 9 pawn4 ,i _h an extra suit or two :i*1 be+ ( ab\t my size1 he 0 able to we>4 ,i felt imm5sely drawn to him1 & 8 /ory t\*$ my pity z well z /irr$ my admiration4 ,x 0 a happy ev5+ we all sp5t 9 ! little b$room1 = he 0 n only well-read--he knew my v>i\s 8,ea/]n books0 & c\ld talk ab\t !m int]e/+ly--b _h a f9e t5or voice into ! b>ga94 ,my fiddle came out ( its case1 & if ! o!r lodg]s dislik$ our duets1 !y did n1 at any rate1 compla94 ,boyde sang1 he fur!r told u1 9 ! *oir ( ! #bnd ,av5ue ,bapti/ ,*ur*1 & 0 assi/ant organi/ !re z well1 b made little out ( ?is latt] job1 z he 0 only call$ ^u :5 ! o!r man 0 unable to att5d4 ,he ev5 taught sometimes 9 ! ,sunday ,s*ool--8to keep 9 ! pa/or's good books10 z he expla9$ ) a laugh4 ,b ! *ief ?+ he told u t night 0 ! he>t5+ in=mation t1 :5 all o!r *ances fail$1 !re 0 always a fair liv+ to be e>n$ by pos+ to arti/s at #ej c5ts an h\r1 or a doll> & a half = a full sitt+ ( ?ree h\rs4 ,x 0 easy "w & n difficult to get4 ,he w\ld gladly introduce u to ! v>i\s /udios1 z soon z !y op5$1 mo/ ( ! arti/s be+ /ill 9 ! c\ntry4 ,! se>* = "w 0 a di/ress+ bus9ess1 :5 to ! inevitable "q 8,:at c y d80 ! only possible1 b q futile1 reply 01 8,i'll d any?+40 ,i _h collect$ ! t5 doll>s f ,h>p]'s ,"y ,p1 b a lett] to ,/orey = m "w br\ght no reply4 ,! paym5t = ! ,toronto pack+-case & = a week's r5t ( ! rooms _h r$uc$ ! ex*equ] s s]i\sly t 9 a few days !re 0 only ! ,h>p]'s money 9 h&4 ,boyde1 :o /ay$ on at our urg5t invitation1 %>$ all he e>n$1 & taught u1 besides1 ! trick ( us+ ! free lun*-c\nt]s 9 hotels & saloons4 ,= a glass ( be] at five c5ts1 a cu/om] c\ld eat su* snacks z salt$ *ip-potatoes1 /rips ( spic$ liv] sausage1 small squ>es ( bread1 & pung5t almonds1 all calculat$ to /imulate unnatural ?ir/4 ,! hotels provid$ m sumptu\s di%es1 ?\gh ! price ( dr9k 0 high]1 & ! calm way ,boyde w\ld help himself delib]ately to a plate & =k1 ) an ample supply ( ! be/ food he c\ld f9d1 !n c>ry x all back to 8 glass ( lag] "u ! b>-t5d]'s v nose1 0 an ideal we c\ld only hope to a*ieve by practice z long z 8 own4 ,x 0 a "q ( n]ve4 ,our midday meal 0 n[ inv>iably ( ?is k9d4 ,! free lun* brigade1 to :i* we belong$1 0 tol]antly treat$ by ! majority ( b>-t5d]s4 ,a ?irty c5ts d9n] at ,kris*'s 9 ! ev5+1 *oos+ ! mo/ bulky di%es1 end$ ! long tir+ day ( disappo9t+ se>*4 ,boyde also made u buy oatmeal1 ) t9 pot & fixture = cook+ ov] ! gas-jet4 ,he 0 invaluable 9 a doz5 ways1 always *e]y1 already on ! "r side ( ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 & turn+ up e ev5+ ) a doll> or two he _h e>n$ dur+ ! day4 ,he fur!r taught u--! mom5t _h come1 he ?\ght--to pawn4 ,! pack+-case 9 ! basem5t 0 op5$ & rummag$ ?r\gh 7a half-us$ *eque-book f ,toronto days 0 a pa!tic relic67 = ?+s on :i* ,ikey ( #crd ,av5ue might (f] a few doll>s4 ,! t5nis cups1 won at little ,canadian t\rnam5ts1 seem$ attractive1 he ?\ght1 b our ,engli% ov]coats w\ld fet* mo/ money4 ,! wea!r 0 /ill com=table 444 we salli$ =?1 hop+ ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 w\ld n see u1 c>ry+ two t5nis cups & a c\ple ( good ov]coats4 ,ev]ybody />$ & gr9n$1 x seem$1 ?\gh actually ( c\rse1 no "o gave u a glance4 ,boyde1 humm+ ,loh5gr91 0 absolutely non*alant4 ,= me1 ! pawnbrok]'s door provid$ s5sations simil> to ^? ,i knew :5 fir/ ent]+ ! ,hub j a ye> be=e4 8,i want t5 doll>s on ^!10 said ,boyde1 9 a firm voice4 8,:at'll y give8 ,i %all take 'em out next week40 ,! ,jew beh9d ! c\nt] gave "o glance at ! t5nis cups1 !n pu%$ !m contemptu\sly aside2 ! ov]coats he exam9$ c>efully1 hold+ !m up to ! light = holes or ?readb>e pat*es1 feel+ ! l9+s1 turn+ ! sleeves inside out4 8,good ,engli% clo?10 m5tion$ ,boyde4 8,h>dly us$ at all40 8,a doll> ea*10 said ! man1 lay+ !m d[n z ?\gh ! deal 0 f9i%$4 ,he turn$ to make out ! tickets4 ,he _h n look$ at u once yet4 ,boyde pick$ !m up & turn$ to g4 8,two doll>s10 he said flatly1 8,i c get five 9 #d? ,av5ue40 8,g g$ x10 0 ! reply1 ! man's back /ill turn$ on u4 ,boyde gave a *e]y laugh4 8,make x ?ree doll>s = ! two10 he sugge/$ 9 an (f-h& mann]1 8) ano!r c\ple = ! cups4 ,!y're prizes4 ,we w\ldn't lose !m = worlds40 ,! man look$ at u = ! fir/ "t2 we 7 fairly well dress$1 obvi\sly ,engli%1 ?ree hulk+ cu/om]s ( a type he 0 n us$ to4 ,p]haps he really believ$ we might r$eem ! cups "o day4 8,wor? less ?an nozz+10 he said 9 8 ,yiddi% acc5t4 ,! ke51 apprais+ look he gave u made me feel ev5 less ?an t4 8,wor? a lot to u1 ?\gh10 came ,boyde's quick comm5t4 8,"n80 qu]i$ ! man1 b5d+ ov] a table ) 8 back turn$ aga94 8,john ,doe10 came promptly1 & a mom5t lat]1 ) ! ticket1 ! ,jew h&$ out f\r dirty doll> bills & fifty c5ts 9 co94 ,! int]e/ 0 twelve p] c5t4 p] mon?1 & ! articles c\ld be r$eem$ any "t up to ! end ( a ye>4 8,nev] ask m ?an y really ne$ at ! mom5t10 0 ,boyde's advice z we came out into ! /reet4 8,i c\ld h rais$ him a few doll>s probably1 b1 rememb]1 y'll h to get ! coats out aga9 be=e long40 ,:5 we got back to ! room a ,we/]n ,union telegram lay on ! table = him2 x 0 f ,davis3 8,please call to-morr[ #c o'clock )\t fail re ,rockaway10 x read4 ,& hope ran high4 ,t night we sp5t half ( our new money at ,kris*'s1 giv+ a tip ( ?irty c5ts to ,otto4444 ,"s t5 days to a =tnight _h pass$1 & ,octob] ) its cool] w9ds _h come1 ?\gh life 0 /ill possible )\t ov]coats4 ,our dress-clo!s 7 n[ 9 ,ikey's1 mo?-balls beside !m4 ,! ,*9ese laundry _h be5 paid1 b n ! second week's r5t1 = money 0 v l[ & d9n]s ( ! smalle/4 ,practice at ! free lun* c\nt]s _h improv$ our me?ods ( /roll+ up abs5t-m9d$ly1 p]ceiv+ ! food app>5tly = ! fir/ "t1 !n pick+ up ) quick f+]s ! maximum quantity4 ,kay1 mean:ile1 _h secur$ a "p 9 a t\r+ company :i* 0 to />t out = a s]ies ( "o-night /&s 9 ab\t ?ree weeks1 8 sal>y ( fifte5 doll>s to beg9 ) ! fir/ night4 ,he 0 already rehe>s+4 ,my own ef=ts _h produc$ no?+4 ,boyde1 too1 _h n yet l&$ 8 huntsman job1 :i* 0 to include com=table qu>t]s z well z a good sal>y4 ,i _h be5 d[n ) him :5 he w5t to see ,davis1 wait+ 9 ! /reet till he came out1 & ! int]view1 ?\gh reassur+1 he told me1 involv$ a little fur!r delay /ill4 ,he1 !re=e1 cont9u$ 8 odd jobs1 call+ at ! !atre e night & mat9e to see if he 0 want$1 play+ ! organ 9 *ur* occasionally1 & gett+ a small fee = s++ 9 ! *oir4 ,he %>$ ) u z we %>$ ) him2 he slept on ! s(a 9 our room2 he 0 welcome to we> my extra suits ( clo!s--until ,ikey might c>e to see !m4 ,!n1 q sudd5ly1 fate play$ a lucki] c>d4 ,kay & ,i 7 at ! free lun* c\nt] ( ! ,fif? ,av5ue ,hotel1 ,boyde hav+ be5 call$ away to d some?+ at 8 ,bapti/ *ur*1 :5 ,bob ,mantell /roll$ up1 br++ a tall1 grey-hair$ man ) him4 ,! next m9ute he 0 introduc+ me to ,cecil ,clay1 ) a rem>k to ! effect t he mu/ surely h kn[n my fa!r1 & t ,i surely mu/ "k ,mr4 ,clay's fam\s book on :i/4 ,cecil ,clay1 anyh[1 0 a k9dly old ,engli%man1 & evid5tly 0 aw>e h[ ! l& lay ) u1 = a few m9utes lat] he _h giv5 me a c>d to ,laffan1 manag] ( ! ,new ,york ,sun4 8,g & see him ! day aft] to-morr[10 he said4 8,mean:ile ,i'll write him a l9e ab\t y40 ,_h x be5 possible to g !n & !re ,i %\ld h felt m confid5ce & less n]v\sness ?an :5 ,i call$ at ! appo9t$ h\r4 ,! int]val1 ) its hopeful anticipation & alt]nate dread1 0 a bad prep>ation = appe>+ at my be/4 ,aft] a few que/ions1 h[ev]1 ,mr4 ,laffan1 a man ( v p[]ful position 9 ! newspap] _w1 a great art collector & connoisseur1 head1 too1 ( ! ,laffan ,news ,bureau1 said t ,mr4 ,mc,cloy1 manag+ editor ( ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 w\ld give me a trial z a report]1 & ,i c\ld />t next ,monday--f\r days away--at fifte5 doll>s a week4 ,i _h m5tion$ t ,i knew ,fr5* & ,g]man1 & c\ld write %or?&4 ,he spoke to me 9 bo? languages1 b1 luckily1 he did n ?9k ( te/+ ! spe$ & accuracy ( my self-taught ,pitman4 ,on ! /aff ( a great ,new ,york newspap]6 ,t x 0 anti-,briti% & pro-,tammany did n bo!r me4 ,a report]6 ,a />t+ sal>y ( #c a week t might gr[6 ,i wrote ! news to my fa!r t v aft]noon1 & t night ,kay1 ,boyde & ,i _h almo/ a fe/ive d9n] at ,kris*'s re/aurant--t is1 we end$ ) sweets & c(fee4 ,! foll[+ day ,i sp5t practis+ my ru/y %or?&1 ab\t #ij words a m9ute be+ my be/ spe$ consi/5t ) legibility4 ,w\ld x be fa/ en\gh8 ,i might h sp>$ myself ! tr\ble = all ! use %or?& 0 to me on ! ,ev5+ ,sun dur+ ! two ye>s ,i rema9$ ) x4 ,only once--mu* lat]1 :5 ,i 0 ) ! ,new ,york ,times1 did x prove ( value1 secur+ = me on t occasion an increase ( sal>y4444 ,! slogan ( ! ,sun1 pr9t$ on ea* copy 01 8,if y ,see x 9 ! ,sun x is s60 accuracy ! /rong po9t4 ,! ,times pref]r$ a moral t+e3 8,all ! ,news t's ,fit to ,pr9t40 ,bo? mottoes 7 fai?fully obs]v$ & rigidly practis$4 ,,*apt] ,,xii ,if any "y man le>n+ values wants to "k ! quicke/ way to /udy ! seamy side ( life1 to und]/& ! d>ke/ aspects ( human nature1 & incid5tally1 to risk ! loss ( e illusion he ev] _h1 let him become a report] on an up-to-date ,new ,york newspap]4 ,)9 six mon?s he w be apt to believe t e man has 8 price2 he w become acqua9t$ ) vice1 crime1 horror1 t]ror1 & e k9d ( human degradation2 !ft1 murd]1 arson w seem commonplaces1 =g]y a v ord9>y affair2 m5 & wom51 x may ev5 seem to him1 8g /raight10 n because ( any inh]5t pr9ciple ( goodness 9 !m1 b because t degree ( temptation :i* con/itutes _! p>ticul> 8price0 has n yet (f]$ itself4 ,passion ( e type1 abnormal1 (t5 incr$ible1 w be 8 daily /udy2 if he reflects a little he w probably rea* ! conclusion t ei!r jeal\sy 9 "s =m1 or gre$ = money1 lie at ! root ( e crime t is ev] committ$4 ,! ov]:elm+ p[] ( ^! two passions w />tle him1 at any rate1 & 8 con/ant association ) only "o aspect ( life1 & t ! wor/ & l[e/1 w probably produce ! conviction t1 giv5 only ! opportunity1 ev]ybody is bad4 ,8 conception ( wom5 may suff] 9 p>ticul>4 ,! exp]i5ce1 contr>iwise1 may wid5 8 tol]ance & deep5 8 *>ity2 also1 x may leave him z x left me1 ) an in]adicable contempt = ^? :o1 born 9 ease1 protect$ f ! temptations due to pov]ty & mis]y1 s c>elessly condemn ! weak1 ! crim9al & ! outca/4 ,) bigg] exp]i5ce may come1 9 "t1 a bett] view2 equally1 x may nev] come4 ,proportion is n s easily recov]$1 = ! m9d1 at an impressionable age1 has be5 deeply m>k$4 ,! good1 ! beautiful1 ! lovely1 9 a ,new ,york pap]1 is v r>ely 8news02 x is consid]$ z fake1 bunkum1 humbug1 a pose2 x is look$ at askance1 reg>d$ ) suspicion1 z assum$ by someone = ! purpose ( a 8deal02 x is r>ely wor? its space1 at any rate4 ,a report] f9ds himself 9 a cynical s*ool2 he is lucky if he escape 9 ! end ) a s+le rag ( illusion to 8 back4 ,if he has believ$1 up to ! age ( tw5ty-"o1 z ,i did1 t ! l>ge majority ( p are dec5t1 k9dly1 hone/ folk1 he w probably lose ev5 t la/ s+le rag4 ,on ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 c]ta9ly1 x 0 n ! good1 ! beautiful1 ! clean1 t con/itut$ ! mo/ int]e/+ news & got sc>e headl9es & extra editions4 ,i give1 ( c\rse1 m]ely ! impression made ^u my own m9d & type1 col\r$ z ^! 71 "s ?irty ye>s ago1 by a *>act]i/ically ignorant & innoc5t upbr++4444 ,! important newspap]s1 9 ^? days1 7 all 8d[n t[n10 gr\p$ ab\t ,p>k ,r[1 & ! %abby1 tumble-d[n build+ ( ! ,sun 0 n impos+4 ,! ,_w & ,times t[]$ above x2 ! ,morn+ ,adv]tis]1 ! ,ev5+ ,telegram1 ev5 ! ,record] 7 bett] h\s$2 ! ,j\rnal _h n yet br\ght ,w4 ,r4 ,he>/'s me?ods f ,san ,francisco4 ,= all its humble (fices1 ! ,sun 01 p]haps1 ! greate/ p[] 9 ! city4 ,x 0 op5ly ,tammany2 x _h a gr&1 c\rage\s editor1 ,*>les ,a4 ,dana4 8,*>les ,a40 0 an impos+ figure1 a man ( imm5se ability1 a 8crank0 p]haps 9 c]ta9 ways1 b a respect$ *ief ( out/&+ "* & fe>less policy4444 ,my own *ief1 h[ev]1 0 ,w4 ,c4 ,mc,cloy1 & ! (fices :]e he reign$ z manag+ editor 7 h\s$ on ! top floor ( ! rickety build+1 ) ! ma*9]y mak+ su* a d9 & ro> & clatt] t we _h to %\t to make ourselves he>d at all4 ,metal %eets t clang$ & p+$ z we walk$ on !m cov]$ ! floors4 ,x 0 amid ?is p&emonium ,i _h my fir/ int]view ) him4 ,an iron spiral /aircase l$ f ! quiet workrooms ( ! ,morn+ ,sun1 on ! fir/ floor1 to ! d>k1 l[-ceil+$ space1 :]e ! :irr+ pr9t+ presses 7 n ev5 p>tition$ (f f ! tables ( editorial dep>tm5ts or report]s4 ,x 0 l a factory go+ at full spe$4 ,h\rs 7 #h4cj ,a4,m4 to #f4cj ,p4,m41 or lat] if an extra--a #f? or #g?--edition 0 call$ =4 ,i arriv$ at #h4ae4 ,9 a d>k corn] ( ?is ma*9]y %op ,i introduc$ myself ) trepidation to ,mc,cloy1 m5tion+ ,mr4 ,laffan's "n1 & saw ! blank look come & g1 z he />$ at me ) 8,blackwood1 ,blackwood8444 ,oh1 yes1 ,i rememb]6 ,y're fifte5 doll>s a week4 ,a ,briti%] f ,canada4444 ,well1 y'll h to look lively "h60 ,he seem$ s int5sely busy & preoccupi$1 8 m9d s *>g$ ) a sort ( electric activity1 t ,i wond]$ he _h "t to op5 & %ut 8 m\?4 ,a small1 ?9 man1 ) ! slighte/ ( frail bodies1 n]v\s1 delicately %ap$ h&s1 gimlet eyes t pi]c$1 a big head ) protrud+ =ehead1 a high-pit*$1 twang+ voice t p5etrat$ easily above ! ro> ( ! ma*9]y1 & a g5]al air ( su* lightn+ spe$ & su* popp+1 spitt+ en]gy t ,i felt he might any mom5t fla% into flame or bur/ ) a crack+ report into a ?\s& pieces--?is 0 ! man on :om my liv+ dep5d$ = _m mon?s to come4 ,! phrase 8,new ,york hu/l]10 d>t$ across my m9d2 x /ood 9 ! fle% be=e me2 he liv$ on wires4 ,buri$ among ?is me*anic p]fection1 h[ev]1 ,i caught1 odd to relate1 an incongru\s t\*--( k9dness1 ev5 ( t5d]ness4 ,!re 7 g5tle l9es 9 t electric face4 ,he _h a smile ,i lik$4 8,:at are y out "h =8 ,:]e h y come f8 ,:at h y be5 do+8 ,:at d'y "k80 he ask$ ) ! rapidity ( a ma*9e-gun4 ,! %or?& rate mu/ h be5 #djj words p] m9ute4 ,i nev] talk$ s quickly 9 my life z 9 my brief reply4 ,i wat*$ ! smile come & g4 ,:ile he li/5$1 he 0 %\t+ in/ructions to report]s !n /ream+ 91 to (fice boys1 to pr9t]s1 to sub-editors2 b 8 eyes nev] left my face1 & :5 ,i _h f9i%$ my lightn+ sket*1 ! ma*9e-gun crackl$ ) its deadlie/ aim aga93 8,only "o ?+ c\nts "h2 get ! news & get x quick2 me?od ( no consequ5ce4 ,get ! news & get x fir/60 ,he d>t$ (f1 = ! fir/ edition w5t to press at #aj4cj4 ,z he w5t1 h[ev]1 he turn$ 8 head a mom5t4 8,write a /ory10 he backfir$ at me4 8,write y\r exp]i5ces--,f ,me?odism to ,runn+ a ,saloon10--& he vani%$ amid ! :irl+ ma*9]y 9 ! back ( ! great room4 ,i h ! pleasante/ recollections ( ,w4 ,c4 ,mc,cloy2 he 0 j1 fair1 sympa!tic1 too1 :5 "t p]mitt$2 he %[$ me _m little k9dnesses2 he 0 ,presbyt]ian1 8 p>5ts ,scot*2 he 0 also--sob]4 ,i prov$ a poor report]1 & my sal>y rema9$ at fifte5 doll>s all ! "t ,i 0 ) ! pap]1 yet once he kept a place op5 = me = _m weeks2 he ev5 took me back :5 ! consid]ation 0 h>dly des]v$4 ,t fir/ day1 h[ev]1 ,i sp5t on t5t]hooks1 fully expect+ to be 8fir$0 at its end4 ,i f\nd a corn] at ! big report]s' table1 &1 hav+ seiz$ "s 8copy0 pap] f ! g5]al pile1 ,i sat d[n to write 8,f ,me?odism to ,runn+ a ,saloon10 )\t ! fa9te/ idea ( h[ to d x4 ,a doz5 report]s sat scribbl+ ne> me1 b no "o paid me ! smalle/ att5tion4 ,!y came & w5t2 at ano!r table ,coop]1 ! ,city ,editor 7anglice news-editor7 issu$ ! assignm5ts2 ! editorial writ]s arriv$ & sat at _! little desks ap>t2 ! ro> & p&emonium 7 indescribable2 ! fir/ edition 0 go+ to press1 ) ,mc,cloy 9 a doz5 places at once1 b *iefly wat*+ ! make-up ov] ! %\ld]s ( ! type-sett]s 9 ! back ( ! room4444 ,i wrote on & on2 ,i believ$ x 0 r good2 no "o came to /op me1 no "o look$ at my 8copy0 or told me :at l5g? 0 want$2 once or twice1 ,mc,cloy1 fla%+ by1 caught my eye1 b ) a glance t sugge/$ he didn't "k :o ,i 01 :y ,i 0 !re at all1 or :at ,i 0 writ+4444 ,! h\rs pass$2 ! fir/ edition 0 already out2 ! report]s 7 read+ hurri$ly _! own "w 9 pr9t1 delight$ if x 0 on ! front page2 ! space-m5 7 measur+ ! columns to see h[ mu* !y _h e>n$2 & ! make-up = ! second edition1 out at noon1 0 be+ ha/5$ on beh9d ! buzz+ ma*9]y 9 ! re>4 ,by ?is "t ,i mu/ h writt5 two columns at lea/1 & ,i began to wond]4 ,p]haps ,i 0 to appe> 9 ! pr9cipal f9al edition at six o'clock6 ,on ! front page6 ,! article1 evid5tly1 0 consid]$ important6 ,! notion t ,i 0 mak+ a fool ( myself1 be+ made a fool (1 r1 also occurr$ to me4 ,i wrote on & on 444 x 0 hung] f9ally t /opp$ me4 ,i 0 fami%$4 ,i turn$ to an alb9o report] next me1 a m]e boy1 ^: peculi>ity _h e>n$ him ! nickname 8,:itey40 ,0 ,i all[$ to g out = lun*8 8,j tell ,coop] y're go+10 he repli$4 8,come out ) me10 he add$1 8if y've f9i%$ y\r /ory4 ,i'm go+ 9 a mom5t40 ,i f9i%$ my 8/ory0 !n & !re1 putt+ ! circle ) ?ree dots 9 x :i*1 he expla9$1 meant f9is to ! pr9t]s4 8,j h& x 9 to ,coop]1 & we'll get "r out10 he said4 ,i obey$1 ,coop] tak+ my pile ( 8copy0 ) a gr91 & m]ely nodd+ 8 head :5 ,i m5tion$ lun*4 ,he 0 a "y man ) ?ick curly black hair1 big spectacles t magnifi$ 8 good-natur$ eyes1 only slightly less rapid & electric ?an ,mc,cloy1 b yet s unsure ( himself t ! report]s soon f\nd him out--& treat$ him accord+ly4 ,i saw my preci\s 8copy0 %ov$ to "o side ( 8 desk1 b ,i nev] saw x aga91 ei!r 9 pr9t or else:]e4 ,no m5tion 0 ev] made ( x4 ,x 01 d\btless1 two columns ( ! dulle/ rubbi% ev] scribbl$ 9 t (fice4 8,i guess ,mac only want$ to see :at y c\ld d10 expla9$ ! alb9o1 z we swall[$ 8s9k]s0 7heavy d\gh scones7 & gulp$ d[n c(fee at ,*ilds' ,*eap ,lun* ,c\nt] r\nd ! corn]4 ,:itey _h invit$ me to lun*2 he 8put me wise0 ab\t a ?\s& ?+s2 %[$ me h[ to make a bit on my weekly exp5se-acc\nt1 if ,i want$ to2 h[ "o c\ld 8sneak (f0 ab\t five o'clock1 if "o knew ! way2 &1 mo/ useful ( all1 w>n$ me z to accuracy 9 my facts & ! "r way to pres5t !m4 ,a 8/ory0 :e!r x 0 ! wea!r /ory or a murd] /ory1 %\ld give 9 a brief fir/ p>agraph ! ess5tial facts--?is satisfi$ ! busy man :o _h no "t to read m2 ! second p>agraph %\ld amplify ^! facts--= ^? :o want$ to "k m2 aft]w>ds--= ^? int]e/$ p]sonally 9 ! /ory--%\ld come 8any /uff y c pick up40 ,an item t seem$ exclusive--a 8scoop0 or 8beat0 he call$ x--%\ld come 9 ! v beg9n+1 s z to ju/ify ! headl9es4 8,:itey0 0 always a good fri5d to me4 8,make fri5ds ) ! report]s on o!r pap]s10 he advis$1 8!n y won't get badly left on ! /ory y're all #8cov]+4' ,mo/ ( 'em give up all "r40 ,he gave me names ( sundry :o nev] 8gave up10 skunks he call$ !m4 ,z we hurri$ back to ! (fice half an h\r lat]1 he div$ into a drug /ore on ! gr\nd floor4 ,! way mo/ ( ! report]s frequ5t$ ?is drug /ore puzzl$ me = a "t1 till ,i le>n$ t :isky 0 to be _h !re 9 a little back room4 ,! *emi/ _h no lic5se1 b by pay+ a mon?ly sum to ! w>d man ( ! di/rict--"p ( imm5se rev5ues paid to ,tammany by e =m ( law-break+1 f gambl+-halls & disord]ly h\ses to f> grav] ?+s--he 0 all[$ to disp5se liquor4 ,x 0 a pretty sy/em1 m>vell\sly organiz$ d[n to ! l[e/ detail2 ca% to ! w>d man op5$ mo/ doors2 a policeman paid #cjj be=e he ev5 got a nom9ation on ! =ce2 vice paid gigantic tribute2 b ! p lik$ a ,tammany ,gov]nm5t because 8!y knew :]e !y 70 ) x1 ?\gh ! ,sun1 my pap]1 0 ! only j\rnal t boldly support$ x--= :i* ,*>les ,a4 ,dana 0 =ev] be+ attack$4 ,i acquir$ mu* inside exp]i5ce ( ! secret work+s ( ,tammany ,hall be=e my newspap] days came to an end4444 ,x appall$ me4 ,t aft]noon1 ,i _h two assignm5ts1 & fail$ badly 9 bo?4 ,! fir/ 0 to f9d a company promot] :o _h got into tr\ble1 & to ask him 8all ab\t x40 ,i c\ld n f9d him2 8 h\se1 8 (fice1 8 club knew him n4 ,aft] two h\rs' frantic se>*1 ,i return$ cre/fall51 expect+ to be dismiss$ !re & !n4 ,coop]1 h[ev]1 cut %ort my l5g?y explanations ) a %rug ( ! %\ld]s1 & s5t me up to ! ,=t ,lee woods1 across ! ,hudson ,riv]1 to f9d out 8all ab\t0 a suicide ^: body _h j be5 discov]$ "u ! trees4 8,get 8 "n "r1 :y he did x1 & :at ! relatives h to say10 7 8 p>t+ words4 ,! ,=t ,lee woods 7 miles away1 ,i saw ! body--an old man ) a bullet hole 9 8 temple1 ,i f\nd 8 son at ! police /ation1 & ask$ him :at 8 te>s & grief made p]missible1 ! answ] be+ t 8he _h no tr\bles & we c't ?9k :at made him d x40 ,!n ,i telephon$ ^! few facts to ! (fice4 ,on gett+ back myself at half-pa/ six :5 ! la/ edition 0 already on ! /reets1 ,coop] %[$ me ! f9al edition ( ! ,ev5+ ,_w4 ,x _h a column on ! front page ) big head-l9es4 ,! suicide 0 a default]1 & ! report] gave a complete /ory ( 8 gambl+ life4 ,coop] (f]$ no comm5t4 ,! ,ev5+ ,_w _h got 8a beat02 & ,i _h fail$ badly4 ,i sat d[n at ! report]s' table & wond]$ :at w\ld happ51 & !n saw1 ly+ be=e me1 our own la/ edition ) exactly ! same /ory1 simil> big headl9es1 & all ! important facts complete4 ,an int]view ) ! company promot] 0 also 9 pr9t4 ,i 0 at a loss to und]/& :at _h happ5$ until ,:itey1 on ! way into ! drug-/ore a little lat]1 expla9$ ?+s3 ! ,unit$ ,press1 a news ag5cy t 8cov]$0 ev]y?+1 _h s5t ! /ory4 ,! 8flimsy0 m51 s call$ because !y wrote on ?9 pap] t made six copies at once1 7 v valuable4 8,make fri5ds ) !m10 said ,:itey1 8& no "o w ev] get a beat on y4 ,!y're paid a sal>y & don't c>e4 ,x's only ! space-m51 z a rule1 :o won't give up40 ,,*apt] ,,xiii ,z a new 8bum report]10 h[ev]1 ,i _h a hectic life1 b rapidly made fri5ds ) ! o!r m51 & a mutual loa?+ ( ! "w br\ght u easily toge!r4 ,friday 0 pay-day2 by ,w$nesday ev]ybody 0 try+ to borr[ money--"o doll>1 usually--f ev]ybody else1 ! debts be+ always fai?fully repaid :5 ! little envelopes 7 collect$ at ! ca%i]'s (fice d[n/airs4 ,my fir/ week's report+ pass$ 9 a :irl ( fev]i% excitem5t4 ,assignm5ts ( e possible k9d 7 hurl$ at me4 ,i rac$ & flew ab\t4 ,! 8,briti%]10 ! 8,engli% acc5t10 7 a s\rce ( amusem5t to ! /aff1 b !re 0 no ill-nature4 ,coop] seem$ to l me2 he *uckl$2 he ev5 gave me h9ts4 8,well1 ,mr4 ,briti%]1 did y get x ?is "t80 ,few ( my fir/ ef=ts 7 us$1 ! flimsy report be+ pr9t$ in/ead1 b a divorce case 9 special sessions1 & int]views ) ! pr9cipals 9 x1 br\ght me into notice1 ! /ory be+ put 9 ! front page ( ! fir/ edition4 ,:5 ,i came d[n on ! foll[+ ,monday1 ,mc,cloy :ipp$ up to me l a /eel spr+ releas$4 8,y c cov] ! ,tombs ?is morn+10 he rattl$4 8,any?+ big mu/ be 9 by t5 at ! late/4 ,use judgm5t & pick out ! be/ /ories4 ,don't let anyone get a beat on y40 ,he fla%$ away1 & ,i tore d[n to ! ,tombs ,police ,c\rt4 ,! ,tombs--,i c smell to-day its peculi> mixture ( extremely dirty humanity1 *eap sc5t1 v old clo!s1 ,*9ese opium1 /ale liquor1 iod(orm1 & a t+e ( nameless dis9fectant4 ,9 w9t] ! hot-air :i* 0 ! means ( heat+ ! c\rt ^: w9d[s 7 nev] op5$1 & 9 summ] ! /ifl+1 humid atmosph]e1 to say no?+ ( ! add$ flav\r ( acid p]spiration1 7 equally abom9able4 ,! build+1 ) its copy ( ,egyptian ar*itecture1 vies 9 gloom ) ! prison 9 ,v5ice1 ?\gh ! =m] takes unpleasant prec$5ce--a v]itable ,hall ( ,eblis1 ) ?ick walls1 impressive portals1 a g5]al air ( hopeless & port5t\s doom ab\t ev5 its ext]ior4 ,!re 0 a grimness 9 its d>k passages t made ! he>t s9k1 truly an awe-ful build+4 ,! int]ior 0 spick & span & clean z a hospital w>d1 b ! horror ( t repell5t outside leak$ ?r\gh someh[4 ,bo? inside & outside1 ! ,tombs ,prison became z famili> to me z my room 9 ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet2 _m a prison] ,i int]view$ 9 8 cell1 _m a wret* ,i talk$ ) ?r\gh ! b>s ( 8 la/ e>?ly cage 9 ,murd]]s' ,r[2 ,i nev] ent]$ ! =bidd+ place )\t a %udd]1 nor /epp$ into ! op5 air aga9 )\t relief4 ,! r\t9e ( ! police c\rt1 too1 became me*anical z ! mon?s w5t by4 ,! v>i\s report]s act$ 9 conc]t2 we agre$ :i* /ories we w\ld use1 & 9 ?is way no pap] got a 8beat0 on ! o!rs4 ,! man on duty /ood beside ! ,tammany magi/rate1 mak+ 8 notes z ea* case came up4 ,x 0 a depress+1 (t5 a pa9ful1 bus9ess4 ,! cases rattl$ by v quickly--arson1 burgl>y1 =g]y1 gambl+1 opium d5s1 /reet wom51 all came up1 b x 0 f assaults t we usually cull$ our morn+ assortm5t = ! fir/ edition4 ,negroes us$ a razor1 ,italians a /iletto1 :ite m5 a knife1 a pi/ol1 a club or a s&bag4 ,wom5 us$ hatp9s mo/ly4 ,x 01 ( c\rse1 "s p>ticul> feature1 ei!r picturesque or horrible1 t l5t value to a case4 ,gradually my 8nose = news0 0 %>p5$4 ,x 0 a fri5dly little ,g]man ,jew1 nam$ ,freytag1 :o taught me h[ to make ! commone/ police /ory readable4 ,i _h j 8giv5 up0 ! facts ab\t a ,syrian girl :o _h be5 /abb$ by a jeal\s lov]1 & ! report]s all r\nd me 7 jott+ d[n ! details4 ,freytag1 :o work$ = ,h]mann ,ridd]'s ,/aatszeitung1 look$ ov] my %\ld]4 8,t's no good10 he said4 8,don't beg9 #8,miriam s-&-s1 liv+ at su* a place1 0 /abb$ at two o'clock ?is morn+ by ,:at%isname4444' ,t's n int]e/+4 ,beg9 l ?is3 #8,a my/]i\s crime ) an exotic t\* ab\t x 0 committ$ 9 ! e>ly h\rs ?is morn+ :5 all wor?y ,new ,york]s 7 enjoy+ _! beauty sleep4444 ,f> away1 :]e ! sn[s ( ! ,taurus ,m\nta9s gleam to heav51 ! victim1 a lovely ,syrian maid1 once _h h] home4444'0 ,i foll[$ 8 advice1 ?\gh my v]sion 0 sev]ely blue-p5cill$1 b 8 po9t--select+ a picturesque angle ( attack--0 s\nd & useful4 ,! police c\rt "w 0 ov] by half-pa/ t51 & ,i 0 !n g5]ally s5t on to report ! trials 9 ,special or ,g5]al ,sessions4 ,^!1 naturally1 7 ( e sort & k9d4 ,divorce1 ali5ation ( affection & poison trials 7 usually ! be/ news4 ,my hair (t5 /ood on end1 & "s ( ! p 7 v unpleasant to int]view4 ,! f9al talk be=e a man w5t to ! ,*air 0 wor/ ( all4 ,if ! case 0 an important "o1 ,i _h to get an int]view 9 ! ,tombs ,prison cell be=e ! day's trial--!re 0 no sub judice prohibition 9 ,new ,york4 ,inevitably1 ,i =m$ my own op9ion z to a man's innoc5ce or guilt2 ! faces1 gaz+ at me ?r\gh b>s1 w\ld (t5 haunt me = days4 ,c>lyle ,h>ris1 calm1 indiff]5t1 cold z ice1 ,i /ill see1 z he pe]$ pa/ ! iron 9 ,murd]]s' ,r[1 prote/+ 8 innoc5ce ) 8 /eely blue eyes fix$ on m9e2 he 0 a "y m$ical /ud5t accus$ ( poison+ 8 wife ) morphia2 he 0 electrocut$ 444 & ,lizzie ,bord5 444 ?\gh ?is 0 9 ,provid5ce1 ,rhode ,isl&--:o took all h] clo!s (f1 le/ ! /a9s ( blood betray h]1 be=e kill+ h] fa!r & "m 9 _! sleep4444 ,"s ( ! cases made a la/+ & horrible impression2 "s ev5 t]rifi$4 ,! behavi\r ( individuals1 especially ( diff]5t races1 :5 s5t5ce 0 giv5 also left vivid memories2 negroes1 appeal+ hy/]ically to ,god & us+ ! mo/ extraord9>y1 inv5t$ words1 ! long] ! bett]2 ! /olid1 unemotional ,*9am52 ! voluble ,italian2 ! :ite man1 z a rule1 quiet1 controll$1 insi/+ m]ely 9 a brief s5t5ce t he 0 innoc5t4 ,9 a /ory1 ye>s lat] 7,max ,h5sig1 ,bact]iologi/ & ,murd]]71 ! facts 7 tak5 direct f life4 ,x ne$$ m ?an fifte5 ye>s to dim _! memory4 ,i rema9$ ! ,tombs report] = ! be/ "p ( a loa!d1 di/ress+1 horror-lad5 ye>4 ,!re 7 pleasant] int]vals1 ( c\rse4 ,! ,fr5* pap]1 ,le ,c\ri] des ,etats ,unis1 publi%$ a %ort /ory e ,monday1 & "o day ,i translat$ an exceptionally clev] "o1 & submitt$ x to ,mc,cloy4 ,x 0 pr9t$2 subsequ5tly1 ,i 0 all[$ an aft]noon (f weekly1 provid$ ,i translat$ a /ory ea* "t1 & ?\gh no money 0 paid = ^!1 ,i secur$ a good _m free h\rs to myself4 ,^! h\rs ,i sp5t 9 ! free libr>y 9 ,lafayette ,place1 dev\r+ ! ,russians1 z well z e k9d ( book ,i c\ld f9d on psy*ology2 or else 9 go+ out to ,bronx ,p>k1 a long tram j\rney1 :]e ,i f\nd trees & lovely glades & wat]4 ,bronx ,p>k1 n yet ! home ( ! ,new ,york 8,zoo10 0 a p>adise to me1 ! ne>e/ approa* to ! woods t ,i c\ld f9d4 ,e ,sunday1 wet or f9e1 ,i w5t !re4 ,9 a ca*e ,i hid a teapot1 & w\ld make a t9y fire & dr9k milkless tea4 ,i c\ld he> ! w9d & see ! />s & ta/e ! smell ( e>? & leaves1 ! clean1 sweet ?+s4444 ,"o morn+ 9 ! second week ( my appr5tice%ip1 ,i int]view$ a lion4 8,afraid ( wild animals1 ,mr4 ,briti%]80 inquir$ ,coop]1 look+ at me quizzically4 ,i />$1 wond]+ :at he meant4 ,x 0 my duty to h read ! morn+ pap] ?or\ghly1 b !re _h be5 no m5tion ( any wild animal4 ,i repli$ t ,i ?\ght ,i didn't m9d wild animals4 8,take y\r gun10 said ,coop]1 8& get up to ,ea/ #bj? ,/reet1 betwe5 ,?ird & ,f\r? ,av5ues4 ,bo/ock's ,circus came to t[n la/ night late4 ,_! lion's escap$4 ,!y've *as$ x into a /able4 ,kill$ a valuable horse4 ,neighb\rhood's p>alys$ ) t]ror4 ,x's a man-eat]4 ,s5d d[n bullet9s ab\t x4 ,n[1 bett] get a move on60 ,on leav+ ! elevat$ tra9 at ,ea/ #ah? ,/reet1 ! /reets 7 black ) p1 !y ev5 press$ up ! front /eps ( ! h\ses4 ,! ^w 8lion0 0 9 ev]ybody's m\?4 ,some?+ ab\t ,coop]'s voice & eyes _h made me suspect a 8fake40 ,z ,i =c$ my way ?r\gh t[>ds #bj? ,/reet1 !re came a ro> t set ! air trembl+ ev5 above ! d9 ( voices4 ,x 0 c]ta9ly no fake4 ,on rea*+ #bj? ,/reet1 ! cordon ( police1 ) pi/ols ready1 keep+ ! cr[d 9 ord]1 %[$ pla9ly :]e ! /able 04 ,gradually ,i bor$ a way ?r\gh4 ,! /able /ood back f ! road1 a c\rty>d 9 front ( x4 ,a ladd]1 cr[d$ already ) report]s climb+ up1 l$ to a hayl(t j above4 ,i met ! ,ev5+ ,telegram man1 :om ,i knew1 half-way up ?is ladd]4 8,got a mess5g] boy8 ,no6 ,!n y c %>e m9e10 he (f]$ good-natur$ly4 ,! only occupants ( ! y>d 7 a doz5 ( ^! mess5g] boys1 wait+ to take ! 8copy0 to ! v>i\s newspap] (fices4 ,x 0 #h4cj ,a4,m4 ,i notic$ to my surprise t ! ,ev5+ ,telegram man 0 a /> report]2 ?ree rungs above him1 to my /ill great] surprise1 climb$ ,ri*>d ,h>d+ ,davis4 ,my vanity 0 /irr$4 ,?is 0 a big /ory1 yet ,coop] _h *os5 me6 ,z ,i squeez$ up ! ladd]1 my h&s /uff$ ) pap]1 ! lion bel[ gave =? an awe-inspir+ ro>2 x 0 a dreadful s\nd4 ,! great doors ( wood seem$ mat*wood easily bur/ ?r\gh4 ,! cr[d sway$ back a mom5t1 !n1 ) a *e]1 sway$ =w>d aga94 ,9 ! l(t ,i f\nd "s tw5ty report]s2 ea* "t ! brute gave its t]rible ro> !y scuttl$ into corn]s1 beh9d ! hay1 ev5 up into ! raft]s ( ! d>k5$ l(t4 ,pi/ol %ots accompani$ e ro>1 & ! add$ t]ror le/ a bullet f bel[ might pi]ce ! bo>ds on :i* we /ood1 made u all jump ab\t l d]vi%es4 ,"o man wrote 8 /ory1 p]*$ 9 ! d>k on ! highe/ raft]1 f :i* he nev] once mov$4 ,i scribbl$ away1 & ?rew d[n my 8/uff0 to ! boy bel[4 ,mean:ile ! circus (ficials 7 do+ _! be/ to =ce ! great bea/ into a cage4 ,?is cage /ood ready aga9/ ! outside doors 9 ! y>d1 & at ! "r mom5t ^! doors w\ld be swiftly op5$4 ,on be+ driv5 into ! /able1 ! animal _h f\nd1 & quickly kill$1 a trott+ horse1 valu$ at #b1jjj1 /&+ 9 its /all4 ,?is detail ,i at fir/ disbeliev$1 b :5 my turn came to kneel & pe] ?r\gh ! trap-door = fe$+ ! hay d[n into ! d>k /able bel[1 ,i f\nd x 0 all true4 ,9 ! c5tre ( ! floor ! great lion 0 pla9ly visible1 n six feet bel[ my own face1 ly+ ) two paws /ret*$ ^u ! c>cass ( a torn1 dead horse4 ,! smell ( fle% & blood rose to my no/rils4 ,9 a dim corn] p]*$ on a refrig]ator1 sat "o ( ! tra9]s1 a pi/ol 9 8 h&4 ,9 ano!r corn]1 b invisible f my peephole1 cr\*$ ano!r circus man1 also ) 8 pi/ol1 & ea* "t ! lion made an ugly move1 bo? m5 fir$ (f _! weapons4444 ,i wrote m 8bullet9s10 & dropp$ !m d[n to a mess5g] boy 9 ! y>d4 ,he hurri$ (f1 !n return$ to fet* m 8copy02 ,i s5t at lea/ a column = ! fir/ edition4 ,i felt a v pr\d report]4 ,aft] two h\rs ( ?rills & sc>es1 ! news spread t ! ,/rong ,man ( ! circus 0 on 8 way d[n1 a fe>less ,samson ( a fell[ :o lift$ great weights4 ,! news prov$ true4 ,a prolong$ *e] greet$ him4 ,he ackn[l$g$ x ) a sweep+ b[4 ,he wore diamonds & a top hat4 ,swagg]+ up among ! report]s1 he ann\nc$ 9 a l\d voice3 8,boys6 ,i'm go+ to fix t lion1 & ,i'm go+ to fix x "r away60 ,! boa/ful bluff receiv$ no believ+ *e] 9 response1 b to my amazem5t1 ! fell[ prov$ z good z 8 talk4 ,he said no fur!r ^w1 he j lift$ ! trap-door 9 ! floor & began to squeeze himself ?r\gh--/raight d[n onto ! v spot :]e ! lion lay1 cr\*+ bel[ on ! dead horse4 ,he dropp$4 ,we he>d ! ?ud4 ,we also he>d ! appall+ ro> t foll[$1 ! quick pi/ol %ots1 ! %\ts1 ! excit$ cries--!n sil5ce4 ,! report] at ! trap-door call$ out to u :at 0 happ5+4444 ,t ,/rong ,man 0 a h]o4 ,t5 or fifte5 m9utes lat]1 ! big /able-doors swung op51 & ! cage1 ) ! lion safely inside x1 em]g$ on a high-:eel$ truck into full view ( ! *e]+ cr[d4 ,on ! top ( ! cage1 sweep+ 8 %9y top hat ab\t1 b[+1 wav+ 8 free h& ) mode/ dignity to ! admir+ ?\s&s1 ! ,/rong ,man sat en?ron$1 cross-legg$1 pr\d & smil+4 ,! procession ?r\gh ! /reets ( ! city 0 a triumphal progress t la/$ mo/ ( ! day4 ,t night ,bo/ock's ,circus op5$ to ! public4 ,i hurri$ back to ! (fice1 & _h ! joy ( see+ ! fir/ edition hawk$ & cri$ ab\t ! /reets1 ev5 be=e ,i got !re4 ,big head-l9es ab\t a 8,man-eat+ ,lion10 a 8,two ,?\s& ,doll> ,trott+ ,horse10 8,h]oic ,rescu]10 & ! re/1 met my eye ev]y:]e4 ,coop]1 h[ev]1 made no rem>k or comm5t1 s5d+ me on at once to report a murd] trial at special sessions1 & 9 half an h\r ! gruesome ?rills ( a horrible poison case made ! lion & ! /rong man fade away4 8,read y\r morn+ pap]80 ,coop] ask$1 :5 ,i appe>$ next morn+4 ,i nodd$4 ,! lion /ory1 ,i _h notic$1 fill$ only half a /ick ( pr9t4 8,read ! adv]tisem5ts80 he ask$ next4 ,i saw a tw9kle 9 8 eye1 & quickly scann$ ! circus adv]tisem5ts ab\t ! man-eat+ lion t _h kill$ a trott+ horse1 & a /rong man ^: c\rage _h done ?is & t1 sav+ num]\s lives 444 b ,i 0 /ill puzzl$ by ,coop]'s tw9kl+ eye4 ,he (f]$ no ^w ( explanation2 ,i le>n$ ! tru? f someone else lat]4 ,! too?less1 ag$ lion1 gorg$ ) food & dop$ z well1 _h be5 pu%$ into ! /able ov]night1 ! c>cass ( a horse1 valu$ at #aj1 _h be5 dragg$ 9 aft] x4 ,! newspap]s _h be5 notifi$1 & ! long adv]tisem5ts1 ( c\rse1 7 paid = 9 ! ord9>y way1 b ! free adv]tisem5t obta9$ 0 ( a k9d t m]e doll>s c\ld n buy4 ,occasional int]ludes ( ?is sort c]ta9ly bright5$ ! sordid daily r\t9e1 b !y 7 r>e4 ,a big fire 0 a ?rill+ exp]i5ce1 a metal badge p9n$ to ! coat all[+ ! report] to g z ne> z he lik$ & to run :at risks he pleas$4 ,su* "w became1 ) "t1 me*anical 9 a s5se1 x occurr$ s (t51 arson1 too1 be+ v frequ5t1 especially among ! ,jews ( ! ,ea/ side4 ,ev5 9 ^? days ! /ory ( ! two ,jews 0 a 8*e/nut03 8,i'm ?orry y\r blace ( bus9ess got burnt d[n la/ ,tuesday10 says ,ikey4 ,to :i* ,moses replies3 8,hu%6 ,x's next ,tuesday60 ,! rle ( ! report] 9 ,new ,york1 ( c\rse1 0 an accept$ "o2 publicity & adv]tisem5t 7 admitt$ly desirable2 ! report] z a rule 0 welcom$2 privacy 0 v r>e2 a report] c\ld1 & 0 expect$ to1 intrude into p]sonal family affairs :]e1 9 ,engl&1 he w\ld be flung into ! /reet4444 ,o!r int]views 7 ( a pleasant] k9d2 ,i rememb] ,h5ry ,irv+ & ,ell5 ,t]ry 9 _! special tra91 ,s>ah ,b]nh>dt1 at ! ,h(fman ,h\se hotel1 & _m a di/+ui%$ =eign] ,i 0 s5t to int]view because ,i c\ld speak _! languages4 ,! trip to meet ! ,atlantic /eam] at ,qu>ant9e ,i reg>d$ z a day (f3 x c\ld be made to la/ = h\rs4 ,i saw ! coa/1 moreov]1 & smelt ! sea4444 ,mo/ ( my "w on ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 at any rate1 took me among ! crim9al & outca/ sections ( ! und]world4 ,9 ^? days ! police1 z a :ole1 7 corrupt1 brutal1 he>tless2 ,i saw innoc5t m5 aga9/ :om !y _h a grudge1 or :om !y want$ out ( ! way = "s reason1 8railroad$ to gaol0 on cook$-up evid5ce2 sick5+ & dreadful sc5es ,i witness$4444 ,! valueless "* ( human evid5ce ,i le>n$ daily 9 ! trials ,i report$1 s t ev5 a man :o 0 try+ to tell ! tru? seem$ unable to a*ieve x4 ,tammany _h its slimy t5tacles ev]y:]e & graft 0 ! ess5ce ( success 9 e bran* ( public life4 ,a police capta9 _h 8 t[n & c\ntry h\se1 p]haps 8 ya*t z well4444 ,! /ory ( ,tammany has be5 told aga9 & aga94 ,x is too well kn[n = repetition4 ,i wat*$ its vile me?ods f ! inside ) a v5geance2 its loa?some s\l ,i saw face to face4 ,! city1 too1 ,i soon knew inside out1 especially its d>k]1 unclean qu>t]s4 ,*9at[n1 ,little ,africa1 :]e1 aft] d>k1 x 0 be/ to walk 9 ! middle ( ! /reet1 8,italy10 ! t5em5t life ( ! ov]cr[d$1 reek+ ,ea/ side4444 ,i made fri5ds ) /range p1 feel+ myself ev5 9 t\* ) !m1 some?+ ( an outca/ l !mselves4 ,my =m] life became m & m remote1 x seem$ unreal2 ! _w ,i n[ liv$ 9 seem$ ! only _w2 ^! evil1 deprav$1 tempt$1 unhappy devils 7 n only ! majority1 b ! real1 ord9>y humanity t /ock$ ! _w4 ,m & m ! "u-dog appeal$ to me4 ,! ri*1 ! luxuri\s1 ! easily-plac$1 ! untempt$ & inexp]i5c$1 ^! ,i 0 beg9n+ to f9d x 9 me to look d[n on1 ev5 to despise4 ,mutatis mut&is1 ,i ?\ght to myself1 daily1 h\rly1 :]e w\ld !y be8444 ,:]e w\ld ,i myself be4448 ,bronx ,p>k1 ,%elley1 ! viol91 ! free libr>y1 organ recitals 9 *ur*es1 my ,ea/]n books1 & meet+s ( ! ,!osophical ,society1 provid$ mean:ile ! few beauty h\rs to :i* ,i turn$ by way ( relief & relaxation4 ,"o & all f$ my inn] dreams1 gave me int5se happ9ess1 (f]$ a way ( escape f a daily atmosph]e ,i loa!d l poison4 ,sometimes1 sitt+ 9 c\rt1 report+ a trial ( absorb+ int]e/1 my eye w\ld cat* ?r\gh ! dirty w9d[ a pat* ( blue betwe5 ! cl\ds 444 & in/antly w\ld sweep up ! p[] ( ! woods1 ! /range joy ( clean solit>y places 9 ! wild]ness1 ! glam\r ( a secret little lake :]e loons 7 call+ & waves spla%+ on des]t$1 lonely %ores4 ,i he>d ! p9es1 saw ! silv]y moonlight1 felt ! ke5 w9d ( op5 & unta9t$ spaces1 ,i smelt ! v e>? & ! p]fume ( ! =e/s4444 ,a s]i\s gap w\ld foll[ 9 my report1 s t ,i w\ld h to borr[ f ! flimsy man1 or f ano!r report]1 :at _h happ5$ 9 ! int]val4 ,9 ?is connexion !re comes back to me a picture ( a ,_w man ^: "w con/itut$ him a /> report]1 b :o c\ld write no?+ unless he 0 really drunk4 ,) glaz$ eyes he w\ld cat* ! witness & li/5 to "q & answ]1 :ile ) a p5cil he c\ld sc>cely direct1 he scribbl$ 9 imm5se writ+ ?ree or f\r slop+ l9es to ea* page ( 8copy0 pap]4 ,x always a/oni%$ me t su* "w c\ld be any good1 b once ,i made a %or?& note ( sev]al ( 8 pages1 & f\nd !m pr9t$ v]batim 9 ! next edition1 )\t a s+le blue-p5cil alt]ation4 ,:5 ?is man sat next me1 my int]vals ( abs5t-m9d$ness did n matt]4 ,8 big writ+ enabl$ me to crib easily all ,i _h miss$4 ,o!r comp5sat+ influ5ces1 too1 ,i f\nd ) my 8room-mates10 especially ) ,boyde1 to :om ,i _h become devot$ly atta*$4 ,i 0 uncommonly lucky to h su* fri5ds1 ,i ?\ght4 ,talk+ ) ,boyde1 play+ ! fiddle to 8 s++1 %>+ my tr\bles ) 8 subtle1 sympa!tic1 well-read m9d1 0 an unfail+ pleasure1 t made me look =w>d int5sely to our ev5+s toge!r1 & help$ me to get ?r\gh _m a day ( repulsive & di/a/eful "w4 ,comp>$ ) ! *>m & v>iety ( ,boyde1 ,kay seem$ /olid1 ev5 unresponsive sometimes4 ,to live consci\sly is to regi/] impressions2 "s receive _m m ( ^! p] second ?an o!rs1 & ?us enjoy an int5s] & m v>i$ life4 ,! two-p]-second m9d f9ds ! two-p]-m9ute "o sl[1 dull & /upid4 ,kay1 anyh[1 didn't 8m9d0 ?+s mu*1 circum/ances nev] tr\bl$ him1 :]eas ,boyde & ,i m9d$ !m acutely4 ,i envi$ ,kay's p[] ( sleep+ calmly 9 t b$1 c>eless ( night-attacks until !y actually came4 ,! horror ( ,new ,york1 simil>ly1 t 0 creep+ into my blood _h h>dly t\*$ him1 ?\gh x c]ta9ly _h infect$ ,boyde4 ,9 my own make-up lay some?+ ultra-s5sitive t took impressions f> too easily4 ,n only did x vibrate ) unnecess>y eag]ness to e *ange 9 sky & sea1 b to e %ade ( attitude & mann] 9 my fell[s z well4 ,i seem$ cov]$ ) sore & t5d] places into :i* ,new ,york rubb$ salt & acid e h\r ( ! day4 ,x w\nd$1 n alone because ,i felt unhappy1 b ( itself4 ,x hit me :]e x pleas$4 ,! awful city1 ) its torr5tial1 headlong life1 held = me some?+ ( ! mon/r\s4 ,ev]y?+ ab\t x 0 exagg]at$4 ,its rac+ spe$1 its ro(s amid ! cl\ds ) ! canyon gulfs bel[1 its gaudy av5ues dripp+ gold t ran almo/ arm 9 arm ) /reets little bett] ?an sew]s ( human decay & mis]y1 its frantic noise1 bo? ( voices & me*anism1 its lavi%ly organiz$ *>ity & boa/ful spl5d\r1 & its deep corruption 9 ! grip ( a he>tless & degrad$ ,tammany--x 0 all ?is t pa9t$ ! horror into my imag9ation z ( some?+ mon/r\s1 non-human1 almo/ une>?ly4 ,x became1 = me1 a scab on ! sk9 ( ! planet1 brilliant ) ! hues ( fev]1 mov+ all ov] ) its teem+ microbes4 ,i felt x1 inde$1 b half civiliz$4 ,?is note ( h[ ,i felt 9 ^!--my e>ly ye>s--rose up aga9 ! o!r day1 z ,i read :at ,o4 ,h5ry wrote to 8 outlaw fri5d f ! ,ohio ,p5it5ti>y ab\t x4 ,al ,j5n+s _h j be5 p>don$4 ,o4 ,h5ry _h f9i%$ 8 t]ms "s ye>s be=e4 ,!y met aga9 9 a ,we/ #bf? ,/reet hotel1 n f> f my own room 9 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9's h\se4 ,!y talk$ ( _! t]rible prison days4 8,x's good y've be5 !re10 said ,o4 ,h5ry4 8,x's ! prop] ve/ibule to ?is city ( ,damn$ ,s\ls4 ,! crooks !re are /raight comp>$ ) ! bus9ess ?ieves "h4 ,if y've got #b on y1 inve/ x n[ or !y'll take x away f y be=e morn+40 ,,*apt] ,,xiv ,9 ! ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet room1 mean:ile1 ?+s 7 go+ f bad to worse4 ,kay's t\r+ company delay$ its />t+1 & consequ5tly 8 sal>y4 ,boyde's huntsman's job1 equally1 0 po/pon$ = v>i\s reasons1 :ile 8 income f pos+1 f *ur*ly activities1 f ! !atre z well1 0 r$uc$ to a v few doll>s a week4 ,^! he %>$ fai?fully1 b my #ae e ,friday 7usually #ac net :5 (fice loans _h be5 repaid7 7 our only c]ta9 s\rce ( rev5ue4 ,aft] pay+ some?+ on ! room1 ! laundry 9 full1 & buy+ oatmeal1 dri$ apples1 & cond5s$ milk = ! week to come1 !re rema9$ b>ely en\gh = "o man's meals1 mu* less = ! food ( ?ree1 dur+ ! ensu+ sev5 days4 ,boyde's contribution br\ght ! budget to1 p]haps1 tw5ty doll>s all told4 ,some?+1 too1 _h to be all[$ daily to c>-f>es = ,kay1 :ile my own exp5ses 9 gett+ ab\t aft] assignm5ts1 only recov]able at ! end ( ! week1 7 consid]able4 ,! wea!r 0 turn+ cold] at ! same "t1 = x 0 n[ pa/ mid-,octob]4 ,our ov]coats _h to be r$eem$4 ,boyde's wisdom 9 obta9+ only ! /rictly necess>y became evid5t4 ,we r$eem$ ! ov]coats out ( my second week's pay4 ,boyde himself _h no ov]coat at all4 ,z we 7 all ab\t ! same height & build1 clo!s 7 int]*angeable4 ,!re 0 a discussion e morn+1 :5 ,i left ! o!r two1 9 b$ & on ! s(a respectively1 z to :o %\ld we> :at4 ,we _h n[ pawn$ ) ,ikey v>i\s items3 a ,glad/one bag1 two top hats1 "s und]we>1 & two pairs ( boots4 ,^! 7 on sep>ate tickets1 by ,boyde's advice4 ,t5nis tr\s]s1 & sev]al summ] %irts 7 toge!r on ano!r ticket4 ,all t w9t] ,kay & ,i wore no und]we> b a ve/4 ,! bag & top hats 7 tak5 out & put 9 aga9 regul>ly e week = _m mon?s4 ,!re 0 only "o article t1 selfi%ly1 ,i c\ld nev] pawn or sell--! fiddle4 ,dri$ apples & hot wat]--) exp5sive oatmeal we _h to be v sp>+--con/itut$ our d9n] = f\r nights out ( ! week2 c(fee & bread & butt] = breakfa/1 c(fee & 8s9k]s0 = lun* complet$ my diet>y4 ,occasionally ,boyde or ,kay1 hav+ be5 invit$ to a meal1 br\ght home some?+ 9 _! pockets1 b n (t54 ,we felt hung] e day1 only ! ev5+ dri$ apples & hot wat] giv+ a s5se ( repletion t yet did n really allay ! pangs ( appetite1 ?\gh x /opp$ ! dull gnaw+ until sleep f9ally oblit]at$ x4 ,kay & ,i1 b nev] ,boyde1 oddly en\gh1 _h vivid & amus+ dreams ( food1 & "o inv>iable topic ( conv]sation e night z we d9$ at ,kris*'s1 or gobbl$ apples & oatmeal1 0 ! m5u we w\ld ord] :5 ?+s improv$4444 ,b ,kris*'s1 aft] a "t1 we f\nd too difficult & tempt+1 ) ! good smells1 ! sight ( p eat+ at o!r tables1 ! lag] be]1 ! p]fume ( cig>s2 & _m a "t1 ) ! price ( a d9n] 9 our pockets1 we pref]r$ to eat 9 our room4 ,ano!r topic ( conv]sation 0 our plan1 myself its en?usia/ic creator1 to take up l& 9 ,canada & lead ! life ( settl]s 9 ! backwoods1 :i* by contra/ to our pres5t conditions seem$ to promise a p>adise4 ,occasionally ,kay sp\t$ bits ( ,%akespe>e1 or rehe>s$ a rle 9 "o ( ! plays 8 t\r+ company 0 to give4 ,b x 0 ! talks ) ,boyde ab\t ,ea/]n ideas & philosophy t 7 my ke5e/ pleasure1 = 8 appreciation & sympa!tic und]/&+ 7 a delight ,i ?\ght ab\t ) anticipatory eag]ness ev5 dur+ ! day4 ,my atta*m5t to him deep5$ into affection4 ,! weeks w5t by2 we scrap$ along someh[2 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 0 kept quiet--a relative t]m--by cajol+1 promises & bluff4 ,we bulli$ h]4 ,:5 ,kay's lordly talk ( free seats at !atres fail$ to mat]ialize1 & ,boyde's trick ( leav+ ab\t telegrams receiv$ f ,davis & o!rs1 especially "o f ,augu/ ,belmont1 ! great bank]1 invit+ him to lun* at a fa%ionable club--:5 ^! devices lo/ _! 8pull10 ,i resort$ to ! p[] ( ! ,press4 ,h] husb&'s position1 8 or*e/ra1 (f]$ vuln]able po9ts ( attack2 ! v]m9-infe/$ room1 = in/ance1 might be unpleasantly describ$4444 ,= weeks we _h paid no?+1 ev]y?+ wor? fifty c5ts 0 pawn$1 ,boyde's contribution _h gr[n small] & small]1 & ! only addition to my sal>y _h be5 a few doll>s ,kay _h e>n$ by pos+ to ,sm$ley1 "o ( ,h>p]'s illu/rators4 ,?+s look$ pretty d>k1 :5 luck turn$ sudd5ly2 ,kay receiv$ ^w f ,gilm\r1 ! organiz] ( 8 company1 t he 0 to />t t\r+ on ,novemb] #ae?1 & ,boyde _h a telegram f ,davis--8,appo9tm5t confirm$1 duties beg9 ,decemb] #a/40 ,?is did n increase our ca% 9 h&1 b x increas$ our hope & rais$ our spirits4 ,kay & ,boyde w\ld bo? soon repay _! %>e ( pa/ exp5ses4 ,we %\ld all ?ree be 9 jobs a few weeks lat]4 ,e>ly 9 ,novemb] ,kay actually left on 8 t\r ( "o night /&s 9 ,new ,york ,/ate1 & ,boyde left ! mattress on ! floor = ! b$4 ,a week aft] ,kay s5t u half 8 fir/ sal>y1 #g4ej1 :i* we gave to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 =?)4 ,! lett] conta9+ x 0 op5$ by ,boyde1 & dealt ) :ile ,i 0 out4 ,x 0 a few days lat]1 :5 ,i 0 alone "o ev5+1 t an ,engli%man :o _h play$ ) u 9 ! cricket mat* call$ to see me4 ,i h>dly rememb]$ him1 he _h to introduce himself1 ! apologies to expla9 8 sudd5 call 7 v voluble4 ,he 0 well dress$ & well f$1 ,i notic$1 a s+] & conc]t accompani/2 he annoy$ me f ! />t by 8 hesitations1 8 endless humm+ & haw+4 ,x 01 he kept tell+ me1 r an intrusion2 x 01 he felt1 ( c\rse1 no conc]n ( 82 b 8,new ,york 0 a /range place1 &--&--er--er--well1 aft] mu* reflection1 ,i really felt x my duty--,i decid$ to take ! risk1 t is1 to--er----0 8,to :at80 ,i ask$ bluntly at la/4 8,= heav5's sake1 tell me40 ,i 0 beg9n+ to feel uneasy4 ,my ?reats to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 p]haps1 _h gone too f>4 ,besides1 ! effect ( ! apples 0 pass+ & ,i long$ = b$4 ,he took a gulp4 8,to w>n y10 he said1 ) a grave & om9\s expression4 ,x 0 a long-w9d$ bus9ess be=e ,i got him to ! po9t1 & ev5 !n ! po9t 0 n really explicit4 ,new ,york1 he kept repeat+1 0 a dang]\s place = inexp]i5ce1 !re 7 /range & desp]ate *>act]s 9 x4 ,9 ! end1 ,i ?9k1 my mann]s exasp]at$ him z mu* z 8 vagu5ess exasp]at$ me1 = :5 he told me he came ab\t 8someone v close to y10 & ,i ask$ po9t-blank1 8,is x someone %>+ ?is room ) me80 8 f9al ^w 0 a mo/ decid$ 8,yes0--) no?+ m4 ,?is 8someone10 ,i ga!r$1 at any rate1 0 fool+ me1 0 up to all sorts ( tricks1 0 ev5 8dang]\s40 ,i 0 infuriat$1 ?\gh ,i felt a c]ta9 s9k+ ( ! he>t z well4 ,he 0 attack+ ei!r ,kay or ,boyde1 my only fri5ds1 bo? ( :om ,i tru/$ to ! la/ c5t1 = bo? ( :om ,i _h s9c]e affection4 ,if he knew any?+ def9ite or really important1 :y c\ldn't he say x & be done ) x8 ,i put ?is to him4 8,i pref] n to be m explicit10 he repli$ ) an air4 ,he 0 (f5d$4 ,8 patroniz+ (f] ( advice & sympa?y1 8 pride1 7 w\nd$4 8,i w\ld r n m5tion names4 ,x's true all ! same10 he add$4 ,& my pati5ce !n gave way4 ,i got up & op5$ ! door4 ,he w5t )\t a ^w1 b j z ,i 0 ab\t to slam ! door aft] him1 he turn$4 8,rememb]10 he said1 half angrily1 half gravely1 8,i've w>n$ y4 ,he's a real crook4 ,he's already be5 9 gaol40 ,i bang$ ! door beh9d him4 ,i felt angry b uncom=table1 & z ! ang] subsid$ my uneas9ess increas$4 ,! horrible feel+ t !re 0 tru? 9 ! w>n+ h>ass$ me4 ,:5 ,boyde came 9 an h\r or s lat]1 ,i pret5d$ to be asleep4 ,i told him no?+ ( my visitor1 b ?r\gh half-clos$ eyes ,i wat*$ him z he mov$ ab\t ! room v quietly1 le/ he di/urb my sleep4 ,8 delightful1 k9d expression1 8 frank blue eyes1 ! ref9em5t & g5tl5ess ( 8 ge/ures1 ,i not$ !m all = ! hundr$? "t4 ,8 acts1 too1 ,i rememb]$2 h[ he always %>$ 8 e>n+s1 gave 8 help un/9t+ly1 advice1 a ?\s& h9ts1 ! value ( 8 own sad & bitt] exp]i5ce4 ,my he>t a*$ a little4 ,no1 ,i reflect$1 x 0 c]ta9ly n ,boyde :o 0 ! crook4 ,my ?\ghts turn$ to ,kay1 :o _h j s5t u half 8 sal>y4 ,x 0 equally incr$ible4 ,i wi%$ ,i _h treat$ my visitor diff]5tly4 ,i wi%$ ,i _h kick$ him out1 in/ead ( tell+ him to g4 ,sneak6 ,a sneak ) "s evil motive into ! b>ga96 ,?+s began to move n[ ) a /range rapidity4 ,x 0 z ?\gh someone :o _h be5 w9d+ up ma*9]y sudd5ly releas$ ! spr+4 ,item by item1 prep>ations _h be5 complet$--!n1 let h] g6 ,%e w5t4444 ,! weeks t foll[$ seem$ z _m mon?s4 ,i 0 alone ) ,boyde 9 a fil?y1 v]m9\s room1 food & money sc>ce1 r5t ow+1 ,kay away1 clo!s negligible1 my s+le asset be+ a job4 ,i lo/ t job ow+ to illness t kept me = weeks 9 b$--9 t b$4444 ,& z 8%e w5t0 ,i _h ! curi\s feel+ t someone wat*$ h] go+1 someone o!r ?an myself4 ,x 0 an odd obsession4 ,someone look$ on & smil$4 ,c]ta9 practices1 ga!r$ f my 8,ea/]n0 read+1 7 no d\bt responsible = ?is uncanny feel+1 = ) x ran also a p>allel idea3 t only a portion ( my be+ suff]$ :ile ano!r portion1 unt\*$1 s]5e & confid5t1 accept+ all t came ) a k9d ( indiff]5t resignation1 /ood entirely ap>t1 play+1 equally1 ! rle ( a spectator4 ,?is deta*$ spectator wat*$ 8h] go+0 ) close att5tion1 ev5 ) some?+ ( satisfaction4 8,take x all10 0 its attitude2 8avoid no?+2 x is y\r due2 = x is m]ely reap+ :at y s[$ long ago4 ,face x to ! v dregs4 ,only 9 ?is way %all y pay a j debt & exhau/ x40 ,s vital 0 ?is attitude 9 all t foll[$ t x mu/ be hone/ly m5tion$4 ,a /abb+ 9 ! side _h be5 bo!r+ me = "s days1 mak+ walk+ difficult & pa9ful4 ,a bl[ receiv$ :ile div+ f our isl&--,i hit a rock--began to a*e & ?rob4 ,i came home 9 ! ev5+s1 we>y to ! bone4 ,!re 7 heada*es1 & a t\* ( fev]4 ,! pa9 increas$4 ,!re 0 a swell+4 ,i w5t to b$4 ,boyde took d[n a lett] to ,mc,cloy1 ask+ = a day (f1 :i* 0 grant$4 ,! next day ,i turn$ up at #h4cj1 b _h to come back to b$ aft] ! midday c(fee & s9k]s4 8,see a doctor10 snapp$ ,mc,cloy1 9 8 be/ maxim-fir+ mann]1 8& come back :5 y're fix$ up aga940 ,b !re wasn't en\gh money = a doctor's fee ( f two to five doll>s4 ,i lay up = ?ree days1 hop+ = improvem5t :i* did n come4 ,! pa9 & fev] grew4 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 upset & ev5 disagreeable1 s5t me bread & s\p 9 ! ev5+ z well z ! morn+ c(fee4 ,boyde br\ght a few extras late at night4 ,he 0 *as+ a new po/ j !n--organi/ to a *ur* 9 ,patt]son1 ,n4,j4--& r>ely got home be=e elev51 sometimes lat]4 ,he br\ght long rolls ( ,vi5na bread1 a few :ite ,spani% grapes1 a t9 ( cond5s$ milk4 ,he slept peaceably beside me4 ,8 mann]1 once or twice1 seem$ diff]5t4 ,i smelt liquor4 8,someone /ood me a dr9k10 he expla9$1 8& by ,god1 ,i ne$$ x4 ,i'm fagg$ out40 ,he 0 k9d & sympa!tic1 do+ all he c\ld1 all t 8 position all[$4 ,he 0 v mu* 9 love at ! mom5t ) ! daught] ( ! pa/or ( ! ,second ,av5ue ,bapti/ ,*ur*1 :]e he sang 9 ! *oir1 & he confid$ 8 hopes & tr\bles ab\t ! affair to me4444 ,x all gave me a que] feel+ ( unreality some:]e4 ,9 my fev]i% /ate ,i knew an occasional unaccu/om$ %iv]4 ,! long day 9 b$1 alone ) my ?\ghts1 wait+ = ,boyde's return1 0 we>isome to endlessness1 by no means free f new1 unpleasant reflections1 yet :5 at la/ ! door op5$ s(tly1 & he came back1 8 arms full ( ! little extras m5tion$1 !re 0 disappo9tm5t 9 me some:]e4 ,x 0 n q z ,i expect$4 ,accompany+ ! disappo9tm5t 7 ^! new1 fa9t tw+es ( uneas9ess z well4 ,i kept ! gas burn+ all night4 ,i wat*$ ,boyde's face1 z he slept calmly beside me 9 t n>r[ b$1 8 expression ( innoc5ce & k9dl9ess increas$ my feel+s ( gratitude1 ev5 ( t5d]ness1 t[>ds him4 ,!re 7 deep l9es1 h[ev]1 t sleep did n smoo? out4 8,poor devil1 he's be5 ?r\gh ! mill60 ,?is habit ( wat*+ him grew4 ,!re 0 delay & tr\ble ab\t ! ,rockaway ,hunt po/2 /udio sitt+s 7 sc>ce2 ! ,bapti/ *ur* organi/ 0 nev] unable to (ficiate2 ,morton ,selton nev] miss$ a p]=mance2 & ,boyde1 z a result1 ?\gh he /ill contribut$ :at he c\ld1 e>n$ next to no?+4 ,if ,i 0 puzzl$ by 8 late h\rs1 8 explanations inv>iably cle>$ away my wond]4 ,he always _h a plausible excuse1 "o1 too1 t woke my sympa?y4 ,x 0 j at ?is "t1 moreov]1 t ,kay wrote4 ,! ,canadian t\r 0 su* a failure t ,gilm\r 0 tak+ 8 tr\pe to ! ,/ates1 :]e !y anticipat$ bett] h\ses4 ,no sal>ies _h be5 paid4 ,!y 7 n[ (f to ,pittsburg4 ,kay hop$ to s5d "s money be=e long4 ,i sp5t ! we>y h\rs read+4444 ,on ! ?ird day1 my symptoms worse1 ! door op5$ sudd5ly )\t a knock1 & ,i saw an old man ) a :ite m\/a*e & spectacles pe]+ r\nd ! edge at me4 ,i laid d[n my 8,gita0 & />$ back at him4 8,are y ,mr4 ,blackwood80 he ask$1 ) a m>k$ ,g]man acc5t4 8,yes40 ,i _h n ! fa9te/ idea :o he 04 ,he clos$ ! door1 took (f 8 sl\* hat1 cross$ ! room1 laid 8 small black bag on ! s(a1 !n came & /ood beside my b$4 ,he 0 extremely delib]ate4 ,i wat*$ him anxi\sly4 ,he said no ^w = "s "t1 :ile we />$ at "o ano!r4 ,he 0 ( m$ium height1 ab\t sixty-five ye>s old1 ) :ite hair1 d>k eyes beh9d magnify+ spectacles1 ! /rong face deeply l9$1 voice & mann] /]n to ! po9t ( be+ =bidd+--b :5 ,i saw x r>ely--a mo/ w9n+ smile4 ,except = ! spectacles1 he 0 l a small edition ( ,bism>ck4 8,i am a doctor10 he said1 aft] a prolong$ sil5t inspection1 8& ,i live d[n ! /reet4 ,y\r fri5d1 an ,engli%man1 ask$ me to call4 ,are y ,engli%80 ,i told him ,i 0 a report] on ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 add+ t ,i _h no money at ! mom5t4 ,! suspicion 8 mann] _h n attempt$ to hide at once %[$ itself pla9ly4 ,8 mann] & voice 7 brusque to (f5siv5ess1 z he said flatly3 8,i expect to be paid4 ,i h a wife & *ild40 ,he /ood !re1 />+ at me1 h>d & cold4 ,i repeat$ t ,i _h no?+ to pay him )1 & ,i lay back 9 b$1 wi%+ he w\ld g1 = ,i felt uncom=table & a%am$1 annoy$ z well by 8 unsympa!tic attitude4 8,humph60 he grunt$1 /ill />+ )\t mov+4 ,!re 0 an awkw>d sil5ce ,i ?\ght w\ld nev] end4 8,humph60 he grunt$ aga9 pres5tly4 8,i egsam9e y anyh[4 ,h[ old are y80 8,tw5ty-two10 ,i said1 8& a bit40 8,humph60 he repeat$1 z he exam9$ me r r\ghly4 8,y're v ?94 ,too ?960 ,he hurt me1 & ,i did n answ]4 8,n eat+ en\gh10 he add$1 & !n gave 8 v]dict4 ,x 0 an abscess1 ,i mu/ keep my b$ = a mon? or six weeks1 an op]ation might be necess>y4444 ,i ask$ h[ mu* ,i ow$ him4 8,two doll>s10 he said4 ,he gave me 8 address1 & ,i repli$ t ,i w\ld br+ ! money to him z soon z ,i c\ld1 b t he ne$ n call aga94 ,he />$ sev]ely at me ) ^? magnifi$ eyes4 8,hav5't y got two doll>s ev580 he ask$ curtly4 8,i've told y ! tru?4 ,&1 anyh[1 ,i didn't s5d = y4 ,i didn't ask my fri5d to fet* y ei!r40 ,i c\ld ?9k ( no?+ else to say4 ,8 v]dict _h flatt5$ me out4 ,i 0 angry1 besides1 ) ,boyde1 = n consult+ me fir/1 ?\gh ,i knew he _h done ! "r ?+4 ,ano!r p]iod ( awkw>d sil5ce foll[$1 dur+ :i* ! doctor nev] mov$1 b /ood gaz+ d[n at me4 ,sudd5ly 8 eye re/$ on ! book ,i _h be5 read+4 ,he put out a h& & pick$ x up4 ,he glanc$ ?r\gh ! pages ( ! 8,gita10 !n began to read m c>efully4 ,a few m9utes pass$4 ,he became absorb$4 8,y read ?is80 he ask$ pres5tly4 8,a* 060 ,!re 0 a look ( ke5 a/oni%m5t 9 8 eyes2 8 gaze se>*$ me z ?\gh ,i 7 "s /range animal4 ,i told him en\gh by way ( reply to expla9 my int]e/4 ,he li/5$1 )\t a ^w1 !n pres5tly pick$ up 8 bag & hat & mov$ away4 ,at ! door he turn$ a mom5t4 8,i come aga9 to-morr[10 he said gruffly1 & he 0 gone4 ,9 ?is way ,otto ,huebn]1 ) 8 poignant trag$y1 came into my life4 ,t ev5+1 ) ! bread & s\p1 !re 0 a plate ( *ick52 x 0 n repeat$ (t51 b he _h spok5 to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 ,i discov]$1 = h] attitude1 too1 became slightly pleasant]4 ,i sp5t ! long ev5+ compos+ a lett] to ,mc,cloy1 :i* ,boyde c\ld take d[n next day4444 ,i lay ?9k+ ( t curi\s gruff1 rude old ,g]man1 ^: brusqu5ess1 ,i felt sure1 cov]$ a big good he>t4 ,!re 0 my/]y ab\t him1 some?+ unusual1 some?+ pa!tic & v lovable4 ,!re 0 p[] 9 8 quietness4 ,despite 8 bluntness1 !re 0 9 8 atmosph]e a w>m k9dness1 a s9c]ity t drew me to him4 ,also !re 0 a d>kness1 a s5se ( trag$y some:]e t intrigu$ me because ,i c\ld n expla9 x4 ,x 0 aft] he 0 gone t ,i felt all ?is4 ,:ile he 0 9 ! room ,i _h be5 too tr\bl$ & upset by 8 mann] to feel any?+ b annoyance4 ,n[ t he 0 gone 8 face & eyes & voice haunt$ me4 ,8 bleak hone/y1 ,i ?9k1 %[$ me1 )\t my recogniz+ x1 ano!r /&>d4 ,0 x ?is1 ,i wond]1 t made me />t a little :51 ab\t two 9 ! morn+1 ,i he>d a /eal?y tread com+ up/airs1 & pres5tly saw ,boyde ent] ! room--c>ry+ 8 boots 9 8 h&8 ,0 x ?is1 aga91 t made me feign to be asleep1 & a c\ple ( h\rs lat] /ill1 :5 ,i woke ) a %iv]1 notice1 = ! fir/ "t1 a new expression 9 ! face t lay s calmly asleep beside me8 ,beh9d ! k9dly innoc5ce1 ,i ?\ght1 !re lay a d>k] look4 ,x 0 l a %ad[ on ! features4 ,x increas$ my feel+s ( uneas9ess1 ?\gh z yet no def9ite ?\ght _h =mulat$ itself 9 my m9d4 ,,*apt] ,,xv ,next day !re 0 a rac+ we/ w9d t s5t ! cl\ds scudd+ across a bright blue sky4 ,! doctor 0 to come at #c o'clock4 ,boyde1 9 v optimi/ic mood1 _h gone out e>ly1 tak+ my lett] to ,mc,cloy4 ,he _h a /udio sitt+2 he 0 go+ to ,patt]son too2 he w\ld return z e>ly z he c\ld4 ,! %ad[ ( ! night be=e _h vani%$2 ,i no long] believ$ 9 x2 ,i ascrib$ x to fev] & n]ves4 ,he sang *e]ily :ile he dress$ 9 my ?ick br[n suit1 ! only "o n 9 pawn 7ev]y?+ else1 n[ t ,i 0 9 b$1 _h gone to ,ikey71 & 8 voice s\nd$ delightful4 ,9 ! aft]noon he came back ) ! news t ,mc,cloy _h read my lett] & said 8,t's "r4 ,tell him to be good to himself4 ,he c come back40 ,also he _h agre$ to use translations ( ! ,fr5* /ories at five doll>s ea*4 ,boyde br\ght a ,c\ri] 9 ) him4 ,two lett]s f home arriv$ too4 ,bo? my fa!r & "m1 ?\gh hav+ no idea :at 0 go+ on1 nev] miss$ a s+le week4 ,my own lett]s 7 difficult to write4 ,i _h come to ,new ,york aga9/ my fa!r's advice4 ,i wrote home :at ,i ?\ght be/4 ,at #c o'clock ! doctor came4 ,my he>t sank z ,i he>d 8 /ep4 ,i 0 9 consid]able pa94 ,:at w\ld he be l8 ,w\ld an op]ation be necess>y8 ,w\ld he speak ab\t money aga98 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 oily & respectful1 a little aw$ z well1 ann\nc$ him4 ,)\t a ^w1 )\t a glance 9 my direction1 he walk$ ov] 9 8 sl[1 delib]ate way1 & laid hat & bag ^u ! s(a4 ,!n he turn$ & look$ /eadily at himself 9 ! mirror = a p]iod ,i ?\ght w\ld nev] end4 ,aft] t he turn$ & look$ at me4 ,he 0 an angel4 ,8 face 0 wrea!d 9 smiles4 ,x beam$ ) good-nature1 k9dness1 sympa?y4 ,he at once said some?+ t 0 g5tle1 soo?+1 l music to me4 ,my he>t sudd5ly exp&$ 9 a mo/ uncom=table way4 ,i believe a lump came up 9 my ?roat4 ,?is 0 all s contr>y to :at ,i _h expect$4 ,he 0 n only an angel1 he 0 a womanly angel4 ,i mu/ h be5 9 a v weak /ate1 = x 0 all ,i c\ld d to keep my te>s back4 ,! same in/ant 8 eye fell on my fiddle case4 ,he look$ at x1 !n at me1 !n back aga9 at ! fiddle4 8,y play80 he ask$1 ) a tw9kle 9 8 big eyes4 8,i ought to pawn x10 ,i said1 8b----0 8,don't10 he answ]$ ) decision4 ,he add$ an odd s5t5ce3 8,x's an esgape f self40 ,i rememb] t ,i c\ldn't say a ^w to ?is4 ,8 k9dness melt$ me4 ,! /ruggle to keep my eyes f betray+ me seem$ ! mo/ idiotic yet bitt] ,i _h ev] kn[n4 ,i c\ld h kiss$ ! old man's h&1 :5 he exam9$ me !n at once1 b ) a g5tl5ess1 ev5 a t5d]ness1 t bo? a/oni%$ me1 yet did n a/oni% me at all4 ,i felt1 too1 already ! support ( 8 m9d & "*1 ( 8 :ole p]sonality1 ( a rugg$ p[] 9 him1 ( g5]osity1 true goodness1 above all1 ( sympa?y4 ,i ?9k he _h made up 8 m9d to treat me = no?+4 ,no ref]5ce1 9 any case1 0 made to money2 nor did ,i d>e ev5 to m5tion x myself4 ,an op]ation1 moreov]1 ( any big k9d1 0 n necess>y2 he ?\ght he c\ld save me t2 he p]=m$ a small "o !n & !re1 = he _h br\ght all t 0 requir$ = x4 ,! pa9 seem$ no?+1 8 k9dness made me indiff]5t to x4 8,y are brave10 he said1 ) a smile t seem$ to me really beautiful1 :5 x 0 ov]4 8,t hurt1 ,i "k40 ,he promis$ to come daily to dra9 ! w\nd & s =?2 he b&ag$ me up2 a mon? to six weeks w\ld see me out ( b$1 he hop$2 he pack$ up 8 bag1 b1 in/ead ( leav+ ! room1 he !n sat d[n delib]ately & began to talk4 ,i 0 too surpris$1 too happy1 to wond] :y he /ay$4 ,8 talk 0 food & dr9k to me4 ,he pick$ up my few books1 & sat read+ quietly to himself :5 he saw ,i 0 gett+ tir$4 ,de ,qu9cey's 8,confessions0 int]e/$ him especially1 & he ask$ if he might borr[ x4 ,he took also 8,s>tor ,res>tus40 ,i slipp$ into ,g]man1 to 8 ke5 delight1 & told him ab\t ! ,moravian ,bro!rhood ,s*ool 9 ! ,black ,=e/4 ,a sket* ( ! rec5t pa/ ,i gave him too4 ,he li/5$ ) great att5tion1 ask+ occasional que/ions1 b always ) real tact1 & nev] all[+ me to tire myself4 ,?\gh x 0 obvi\s1 ev5 to my /upidity1 t he reg>d$ me r z a 8specim50 ( "s sort1 !re 0 he>t 9 all he said & did4 ,otto ,huebn] p\r$ balm into all my little w\nds t aft]noon1 b ab\t himself he told me h>dly any?+4 ,:ile he drew me out1 ) skill & sympa?y1 he hid himself beh9d t imp5etrable my/]y ,i _h already not$ ! previ\s day4 ,i say purposely t ( himself he told me 8h>dly any?+10 because "o detail did escape him inadv]t5tly4 ,an h\r lat]1 z he 0 leav+1 he turn$ 8 smile on me f ! door4 8,i s5d y some?+10 he said %ortly4 8,my vife makes goot bro?4 ,i _c d mu*4 ,i h n got x40 ,"o o!r ?+ ,i notic$ ab\t 8 visit1 :5 t[>ds ! end1 ,boyde came 9 unexpect$ly1 br++ a small bun* ( ! yell[ ,spani% grapes4 ,9 8 be/1 mo/ *>m+ mann] he spoke ) ! doctor4 ,! doctor's face1 h[ev]1 d>k5$ in/antly4 ,8 features1 x seem$ to me1 froze4 ,8 mann] 0 curt4 ,he sc>cely repli$4 ,& :5 he left a little lat] he did n include my fri5d 9 8 good-bye4 ,x puzzl$ me4 ,x add$ to my uneas9ess z well4 ,boyde1 :o app>5tly _h notic$ no?+1 expla9$ t he _h to g out aga9 to an appo9tm5t ) ,davis ab\t ! ,rockaway ,hunt po/2 he did n return t night at all4 ,i li/5$ to ! city clocks /rik+ midnight1 "o1 two1 ?ree 444 he did n come4 ,i li/5$ to ! h[l+ w9d z well4 ,imag9ation tri$ feebly to con/ruct a happi] /ate1 loveli] conditions1 a _w ne>] to ! he>t's desire4 ,:ile wait+ = midnight to /rike1 ,i said to myself1 ?9k+ ( ye/]day & to-morr[1 ) all ! "o _h meant & ! o!r might mean to me3 8,ye/]day is n[ tw5ty-f\r h\rs away1 b 9 a m9ute x w be only "o m9ute away40 ,i treat$ ! hidd5 to-morr[ simil>ly4 ,i imag9$1 ! _w be+ old & creaky1 ill-fitt+ too1 t a crack exi/$ betwe5 ! two days4 ,anyone :o 0 ?9 en\gh might slip ?r\gh6 ,i1 c]ta9ly1 0 ?9 en\gh4 ,i slipp$ ?r\gh4444 ,i ent]$ a region out ( "t1 a region :]e ev]y?+ came true4 ,& ! fir/ ?+ ,i saw 0 a wondr\s /ream+ vision ( ! w9d1 ! w9d t h[l$ outside my fil?y w9d[s4444 ,i saw ! w9ds1 *ang+ col\rs z !y rose & fell1 atta*$ to ! trees1 9 t5u\s rib&s ( gold & blue & sc>let z !y swept to & fro4444 ,i little dream$ t ^! fancies w\ld appe> fifte5 ye>s lat] 9 a book ( my own1 8,! ,education ( ,uncle ,paul40 ,t crack1 at any rate1 became = me1 l ! fiddle1 a means ( escape f unk9d reality into a /ate ( inn] bliss & wond] 8:]e ev]y?+ came true40444 ,x 0 aft] twelve o'clock next day :5 ,boyde return$--) a black eye1 my "o ?ick suit /a9$ & soil$1 & a long involv$ /ory t utt]ly confus$ me4 ,!re _h be5 a fight2 he _h protect$ a woman2 a false *>ge _h be5 laid aga9/ him ow+ to misund]/&+1 ow+ also to ! fact t he _h no money to tip ! policeman1 & he _h sp5t ! night 9 a cell at ,jeff]son ,m>ket police /ation4 ,9 ! morn+ ! magi/rate _h dis*>g$ him ) _m complim5ts ^u 8 8gallantry & c\rage40 ,x did n r+ true4 ,i knew ! ,tammany magi/rates bett] ?an t4 ,he contradict$ himself too1 9 say+ t a ,mr4 ,beattie1 a fri5d ( 8 "m's1 :o occasionally gave him a little money %e s5t f ,engl&1 _h bail$ him out4 ,he _h be5 bail$ out1 dis*>g$ ) complim5ts1 _h slept 9 a cell1 & n be5 f9$6 ,i smelt spirits too4 ,x all made me mis]able4 8,y've be5 drunk & !y lock$ y up10 ,i reproa*$ him4 8,:y d y lie to me80 ,! copi\s explanations t foll[$ ,i h>dly li/5$ to4 ,i lay 9 b$1 say+ no?+1 b ! w>n+ ( my visitor came back4 8,i w5t d[n to ! ,ev5+ ,sun10 ,boyde said pres5tly1 :5 my sil5ce made 8 explanations end ( _! own accord4 8,i've j come back ) ?is4 ,mc,cloy ask$ aft] y & s5t x on acc\nt ( ! ,fr5* /ories40 ,he h&$ me five doll>s1 9 s+le bills1 :i* we divid$ equally !n & !re4 ,he _h be5 gone h>dly t5 m9utes :5 ! door op5$ aga91 & ano!r visitor came 91 an actor out ( a job1 ,grant1 an ,engli%man ( p]haps tw5ty-five1 "o ( ! cricket team ,i _h met 9 ,/at5 ,isl& a few weeks be=e4 ,he _h run across ,boyde1 he expla9$1 & _h he>d ,i 0 ill4 ,z "o ,engli%man to ano!r 89 ?is awful city0 he want$ to see if he c\ld help 9 any way4 ,he did !n a wond]ful ?+4 ,we _h met b once1 he sc>cely knew me1 he might nev] see me aga91 b :5 he realiz$ ! /ate ( affairs he said he ?\ght he c\ld get a little money = me1 & be=e ,i c\ld say a ^w he vani%$ f ! room4 ,8 %yness1 8 lame mann] ( spee*1 some?+ hesitat+ & awkw>d ab\t him g5]ally1 _h emb>rass$ me z mu* z1 evid5tly1 he 0 emb>rass$ himself2 & ,i 0 conv9c$ 8 plea ( gett+ money 0 only an excuse to disappe> quickly4 ,i r hop$ x 02 c]ta9ly ,i ?\ght x unlikely he w\ld come back--:i*1 nev]!less1 he did1 9 ab\t a qu>t] ( an h\r4 ,he came 9 brea?lessly1 a %amefac$ air ab\t him2 flung d[n "s doll> bills on ! b$1 & vani%$ ! second "t4 ,?ree doll>s lay on ! c\nt]pane4 ,x 0 only a little lat]1 z reflection br\ght up details1 t ,i rememb]$ he _h worn an ov]coat :5 he fir/ came 91 & t on 8 second visit he wore none4 ,he _h pawn$ x4 ,ano!r detail rose to ! surface3 t he _h call$1 really1 ^u q ano!r err&1 & t !re 0 some?+ he want$ to tell me t he _h n ! c\rage to put into words4 ,lat] he admitt$ x 0 true4444 ,anticipat+ ,otto ,huebn]'s visits 0 n[ a ke5 pleasure2 ! "o ev5t ( a long we>y day4 ,dur+ ! next =tnight or s1 he miss$ no s+le aft]noon4 ,8 moods v>i$ amaz+ly4 ,"o day he seem$ an angel1 ! next a devil4 ,i 0 completely puzzl$4 ,! talks we _h on 8 good days 7 an enjoym5t ,i c h>dly describe4 ,i realiz$ h[ mu* ,i dep5d$ on !m1 z well z on ! man :o made !m possible4 ,i realiz$ also h[ mu* ,i dep5d$ on my o!r fri5d--on ,boyde4 ,! latt]'s curi\s & unsatisfactory behavi\r1 my/]i\s /ill to my bl9d ignorant eyes1 made no diff]5ce to my feel+s = him1 b1 if any?+1 t5d$ to /r5g!n ! atta*m5t4 ,my affection deep5$4 ,!re lay n[ a c]ta9 pity 9 me too1 an odd feel+ t he 0 9 my *>ge1 & t1 = all 8 great] k & exp]i5ce ( life1 8 s5iority z well1 ,i c\ld--,i mu/--someh[ help him4 ,^u ! ,g]man doctor & ,boyde1 at any rate1 ,kay be+ f> away1 my m9d re/$ ) security1 if ( diff]5t degrees4 ,to lose ei!r ( !m 9 my lonely situation w\ld h be5 cata/rophic4 ,! old ,g]man w\ld settle himself on ! s(a1 drawn up close to ! b$1 & talk4 ,he 0 saturat$ 9 8 native philosophy1 b ,hegel 0 8 k+4444 8,s>tor ,res>tus0 en?rall$ him4 ,( ,de ,qu9cey's /ruggle aga9/ opium he 0 nev] tir$4 ,( ,v$antic & ,h9du philosophy1 too1 he 0 und]/&+ & tol]ant1 ?\gh n enam\r$4 ,reg>d+ me /ill z a 8specim50 evid5tly1 he also treat$ me z ?\gh ,i 7 a boy1 disc]n+ ( c\rse at once my empt9ess ( m9d & exp]i5ce4 ,h[ pati5tly he li/5$ to my eag] exposition ( life's my/]ies1 my *aotic !ories1 my fanciful speculations4444 8,we "k--no?+1 y mu/ rememb]4 ,no?+10 he w\ld say ) emphasis4 8,nor c we "k any?+1 ev]4 ,we label1 classify1 exam9e c]ta9 results--t's all4 ,( causes we rema9 completely ignorant4 ,speculation is n pro(4 ,! fact t a !ory fits all ! facts gets u no fur!r40 ,he smil$1 b ) close att5tion1 :ile ,i plung$ aga9 into a description ( my beliefs4 ,! tobacco smoke curl$ up ab\t 8 g5ial face4 ,i _h no fe> ( him 9 ?is mood4 ,i c\ld say all my ?\ghts )\t %yness4 ,i made full confession4 8,int]e/+1 logical1 possibly true10 he repli$1 8& mo/ c]ta9ly z good an explanation z any o!r1 bett] ev5 ?an mo/1 b0--he %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s--8always a !ory only1 & no?+ else4 ,!re is no pro( ( any?+4 ,! high] /ates ( consci\sness y m5tion are nebul\s1 probably pa?og5ic4 ,^? :o exp]i5ce !m _c1 9 any case1 report _! cont5t intelligibly to u :o h n exp]i5c$ !m--because no words exi/4 ,!y are ( no value to ! race1 & t condemns !m4 ,m5 ( action1 n dream]s1 are :at ! _w ne$s40 8,m5 ( action only c>ry out :at has fir/ be5 dream$10 ,i v5tur$4 8,true10 repli$ ! old man1 8true v (t54 ,m5 ( action r>ely h mu* vision4 ,! poet is ! highe/ type4444 ,i am ) y 9 ?is too--t ! only real k is ! k ( man1 ! /udy ( consci\sness4 ,gno?i seauton is /ill ! %orte/1 z well z ! mo/ pregnant1 s]mon 9 ! _w4 ,be=e we c get new k1 diff]5t k--yes1 !re ,i am ) y--consci\sness itself mu/ *ange & become diff]5t fir/ 444 b 444 ! p :o get t diff]5t k _c describe x to u because !re is no language40 ,wise1 ?\ghtful ?+s ! old man said1 :ile ,i li/5$ eag]ly4 8,"o ?+ is c]ta910 he decl>$ ) 8 usual emphasis3 8,if !re is ano!r /ate aft] ! de/ruction ( ! body1 x _c be m]ely an ext5sion1 an idealization1 ( ! "o we "k4 ,t is exclud$4 ,)\t s5ses1 )\t bra9 or n]ves1 )\t physical reactions ( any k9d--s9ce !re is no body--h[ %all we be aw>e ( ?+s ab\t u8 ,ano!r /ate c only be--diff]5t1 yet s diff]5t t x is useless to talk ( x4 ,! ,heav5 ( ! spirituali/s1 ! elaborate con/ructions ( a ,sw$5borg1 are no?+ b col\r$ idealizations ( ! /ate we already "k 4440--he snort$ contemptu\sly--8obvi\sly self-creat$4 ,a diff]5t /ate ( consci\sness w\ld %[ u a univ]se s totally diff]5t f any?+ we "k t x mu/ be--indescribable40 ,( my own future1 too1 he lik$ to talk4 ,! newspap] report+ he disapprov$2 x c\ld lead to little2 x 0 8un]spre*li* geme902 ! ,new ,york press 0 a cesspool2 x might s]ve a tempor>y purpose1 b no self-respect+ man %\ld /ay too long 9 x4 ,he urg$ me to become a doctor1 say+ ,i %\ld be a success1 advis+ me to specialize 9 n]ves & m5tal cases4 ,be+ an ,engli%man w\ld help v mu*2 9 "t ,i %\ld h an enorm\s practice2 he w\ld assi/ me 9 all mann] ( ways1 s t my c\rse ne$ n be long] ?an two ye>s1 or ?ree at ! mo/4 ,he w\ld coa* me1 ru% me ?r\gh 9 half ! normal "t4 ,lat] ,i c\ld get a =eign degree1 :i* w\ld be an additional asset4444 ,he nev] tir$ ( ?is topic1 & 8 en?usiasm 0 c]ta9ly s9c]e4 ,( />s1 too1 he lov$ to talk1 ( space1 ( possible o!r dim5sions ev54 ,8 exposition ( a f\r? dim5sion always delight$ me4 ,t ! univ]se1 inde$1 0 really f\r-dim5sional1 & t all we p]ceiv$ ( x 0 t sectional aspect1 a portion z x 71 t is project$ into our ?ree-dim5sional _w1 0 a !me t positively made him r$ 9 ! face1 z 8 big eyes focus$ on me1 8 conc5trat$ m9d work+ vehem5tly beh9d !m4444 ,c]ta9ly1 my k ( ,g]man improv$ consid]ably4 ,!n1 z ,boyde came 91 ! light w\ld die out ( 8 eyes1 8 face w\ld h>d5 & gr[ d>k--he _h a way ( mak+ x seem froz5--& ) a /iff b[ to ,boyde t only j ackn[l$g$ 8 pres5ce1 he w\ld get up & leave ! room4 ,mean:ile1 ,i sold two m ,fr5* /ories1 & ,boyde b\ght back ! t5 doll>s paid = !m2 ?ree o!rs 7 8n suitable10 accord+ to ,mc,cloy4 ,i told ! doctor all ,i e>n$4 8,lat]10 he said1 8y pay me1 if y want to4 ,i take no?+--n[40 ,,*apt] ,,xvi ,! days pass$2 ,i grew sl[ly bett]2 ! w\nd /ill _h to be dra9$ & b&ag$1 & ! doctor kept me to my b$4 ,kay1 writ+ f ,toronto1 _h contriv$ to s5d u t5 doll>s4 ,m ,fr5* translations _h gone to ,mc,cloy1 b only "o or two _h be5 us$4 ,if ! lonel9ess ( ! long days 0 dismal1 ! fev]i% nights 7 worse4 ,i knew my few books by he>t2 ,%elley & ! 8,gita0 7 inde$ inexhau/ible1 b ,i long$ = some?+ new4 ,to play ! fiddle 0 too tir+4 ,!re 0 endless "t = reflection 444 &1 ?ank heav51 ?r\gh ! two dirty w9d[s ,i c\ld wat* ! sky4 ,_m a /ory ,i publi%$ fifte5 ye>s lat] _h its g]m 9 ! app>5tly dead mom5ts ( ^? we>isome h\rs1 al?\gh at ! "t x nev] once occurr$ to me to try & write1 n ev5 ! desire be+ 9 me4 ,x 0 ! int]m9able nights t 7 mo/ haunt$4 ,9 ! daylight !re 0 col\r 9 ! *ang+ cl\ds & sky1 a t\* ( p9k1 a flame ( sunset gold t op5$ ! n>r[ crack ?r\gh :i* ,i slipp$ into "s /range int]ior /ate ( happ9ess4 ,!re 7 ! visits ( ! belov$1 my/]i\s doctor1 too4 ,b ! night 0 o!rwise4 ,! gas ,i left burn+ till ,boyde woke & turn$ x out 9 ! morn+1 made x impossible to see ! />s4 ,i c\ld nev] settle d[n until he 0 com=tably asleep beside me4 ,he kept late h\rs always4 ,i reproa*$ & scold$1 yet 9 ! end ,i always =gave4 ,x 0 a com=t to "k him )9 rea* ( my h&1 :ile at ! same "t ,i dread$ 8 com+4 ,my mix$ feel+s _h rea*$ t /age--,i fe>$ 8 com+ & yet long$ = x4 ,i lay wait+1 li/5+ = 8 /ep4 ,f> bel[ ,i w\ld he> x1 d[n 9 ! well ( ! sleep+ h\se1 ev5 on ! fir/ flight ( /airs4 ,x m\nt$1 m\nt$1 /eal?y1 cauti\s1 com+ ne>] & ne>]1 b always at ! same /eady pace4 ,x nev] ha/5$4 ,z x approa*$1 ris+ ?r\gh ! /illness ( ! night1 my he>t w\ld beg9 to beat2 ,i dread$ ! mom5t :5 our l&+ w\ld be rea*$1 /ill m ! actual op5+ ( our door4 ,i li/5$1 smo!r+ my brea?1 try+ to less5 ! l\d ?ump+ aga9/ my ribs4 ,! /eps might n be 81 aft] all2 x might be someone else2 t /eal?y tread might pass my door )\t op5+ x & g up/airs4 ,!n1 :5 at la/ ! h&le rattl$ fa9tly1 ! door op5$1 & ,i saw him sl[ly ent]1 c>ry+ 8 boots 9 8 h&1 my fir/ in/9ct always 0 to--scream4 ,!n he w\ld smile1 ! eye-glass w\ld drop f 8 eye1 he w\ld beg9 8 explanations & excuses1 & my dread soon evaporat$ 9 ! fri5dlie/ ( intimate talk4 ,s well1 at la/1 did ,i le>n to recognize 8 approa*1 t ,i knew ! mom5t he op5$ ! front door ?ree flights bel[4 ,! s\nd ( ! h&le ) its cl9k ( metal1 ! dull ?ud z ! big ?+ clos$--,i 0 nev] once mi/ak54 ,9 my fitful snat*es ( sleep ^! s\nds /ole 91 %ap+ my dreams1 det]m9+ bo? cause & climax ( incessant nightm>es :i*1 draw+ ^u pres5t ?+s & rec5t memories1 & inv>iably includ+ ! p]sonality ( ,boyde1 made ^? wait+ h\rs a recurr5t horror4 ,i w\ld fight 9 va9 to keep awake4 ,only :5 he 0 safely asleep at my side did ! nightm>es cease4 ,i _h once se5 ,dixon1 a ,toronto photograph]1 walk across ! ,niag>a riv]1 j bel[ ! ,falls2 he us$ ,blond9's old tight-rope2 he lay d[n on 8 back half way ov]1 turn$ r\nd1 knelt1 hov]$ on "o foot1 us+ an imm5se balanc+ pole4 ,?\s&s wat*$ him f bo? %ores on a day ( bak+ sun%9e2 8 backgr\nd 0 ! massive ma9 wat]fall1 sl[ly roll+ d[n & ov]2 bel[ him swirl$ & boil$ ! awful rapids4 ,dixon n[ came walk+1 walk+ 9 my dream aga94 ,i c\ld he> 8 s(t tread z 8 /ock+$ feet gripp$ ! cable t sway$ slightly z x sagg$ to ! c5tre half way across4 ,! s\nd1 ! figure came ne>]2 x came at me2 x--0 n ,dixon aft] all4 ,x 0 ,boyde4444 ,!n1 z he mov$ ) sl[1 creep+ tread1 ne>]1 ev] ne>]1 ,i p]ceiv$ sudd5ly t ! rope 0 gone4 ,!re 0 no rope4 ,he walk$ on empty air t[>ds me--t[>ds--me4 ,i 0 appall$1 spee*less1 p>alyz$4 ,t figure walk+ on space1 walk+ t[>ds me1 walk+ remorselessly ne>] 0 t]rible4444 ,! next second ! door op5$ & ,boyde /ood pe]+ at me r\nd ! edge1 8 boots 9 8 h&s4 ,"o morn+1 tir$ ( le>n+ ! 8,wit* ( ,islam0 by he>t1 ,i lean$ ov] ! b$1 & some?+ 9 ! wa/e-pap] basket close beside x caught my eye2 a scrap ( col\r$ pap]--sev]al scraps--p9k4 ,look+ ne>]1 ,i saw x 0 a torn-up *eque4 ,)\t any p>ticul> int]e/ at fir/ ,i />$ at ! unfamili> ?+1 wond]+ vaguely h[ x came to be !re4 ,only aft] ?is casual inspection did x occur to me z be+ r odd4 ,a *eque6 ,:at 0 x8 ,^: 0 x8 ,h[ did x come to be !re1 torn up 9 my wa/e-pap] basket8 ,x 0 a long "t s9ce ,i _h se5 su* a ?+ z a *eque2 & idly1 ) no m curiosity ?an ?is1 ,i lay gaz+ at ! scraps ( col\r$ pap]4 ,! basket lay )9 easy rea*2 ,i /ret*$ out an arm & pick$ x up2 ,i empti$ ! cont5ts on ! :ite c\nt]pane2 ,i sort$ out ! col\r$ scraps f among ! g5]al litt]4 ,! scraps 7 small1 & ! puzzle amus$ me4 ,x 0 a long bus9ess4 ,bit by bit ! *eque took %ape4 ,! ^w 8,toronto0 0 ! fir/ detail t caught my att5tion clos]4 ,pres5tly1 fitt+ ?ree t9y scraps toge!r1 ,i saw to my surprise a "n 9 full--,ar?ur ,glyn ,boyde4 ,ano!r little gr\p made 8,kay40 ,a ?ird read 8,sev5ty ,five ,doll>s40 ,my int]e/ increas$ ) e mom5t1 till at la/ ! complete *eque lay piec$ toge!r be=e my eyes4 ,x 0 drawn by ,kay on my old ,toronto bank = ! sum m5tion$1 & x 0 payable to ,boyde4 ,! date 0--?ree days be=e4 ,i lay & />$ at x 9 blank bewild]m5t4 ,fitt+ ! scraps toge!r on ! c\nt]pane 0 no?+ comp>$ to my difficulty 9 fitt+ ! pieces toge!r 9 my m9d4 ,i c\ld make nei!r head nor tail ( x4 ,kay _h1 inde$1 be5 act+ 9 ,toronto on ! date giv51 b--a bank acc\nt4446 ,& :y 0 ! *eque torn up8 ,x mu/ h be5 deliv]$ ) a lett]--ye/]day4 ,boyde _h n m5tion$ x4 ,i felt z confus$ z ?\gh x 7 a problem 9 ari?metic2 b a problem 9 ari?metic w\ld n h /irr$ ! feel+ ( pa9 & dread t rose 9 me4 ,some?+ ,i _h long fe>$ & hat$1 _h delib]ately hidd5 f myself1 _h cloak$ & drap$ s t ,i ne$ n recognize x1 n[ at la/ />$ me 9 ! face4 ,! *ief item 9 ! puzzle1 h[ev]1 rema9$4 ,t x 0 n ,kay's real signature1 ,i saw pla9ly1 x 0 a reasonably good copy2 b :y 0 ! *eque torn up8 ,x _h be5 tak5 f my old book 9 ! pack+-case d[n/airs1 ( c\rse2 b :y 0 x de/roy$8 ,a =g]y6 ,! ^w t]rifi$ me4 ,x 0 :ile try+ to f9d ! mean+ t my f+]s play$ ) ! re/ ( ! litt]$ pap] 444 & pres5tly piec$ toge!r a lett] 9 ! same writ+ z ! signature2 a lett]1 writt5 f ,toronto1 ) ,isl+ton ,j]sey ,dairy z address1 & be>+ ! same date z ! *eque--a lett] f ,kay to ,boyde4 ,x _h be5 also torn into little bits4 8,de> ,b410 x ran1 8,i am awfully sorry to he> poor ,blackwood is s ill /ill1 & t he has no money4 ,i enclose my *eque = #ge to help him out1 b1 = ,god's sake1 see t he doesn't wa/e x 9 dissipation1 z he did ! la/ ,i s5t4 ,i "k ,i c tru/ y 9 ?is04444 ,a page & a half ( news foll[$4 ,a po/script came at ! end3 8,bett] n let him "k h[ mu* ,i've s5t4 ,i'll s5d ano!r *eque lat] if y let me "k x's really ne$$40 ,) ^! two docum5ts spread on ! c\nt]pane be=e me1 ,i lay back ?9k+1 ?9k+1 :ile an icy feel+ spread sl[ly ov] me t = a long "t made cle> ?\ght impossible4 ,! ^w 8dissipation0 made me smile1 b all ,i knew 9 ^? fir/ mom5ts 0 an a*+1 dull emotion1 %ot ?r\gh f "t to "t by /abs ( ke5e/ pa94 ,!re 0 horror too1 !re 0 ang]1 pity 444 z1 "o by "o1 rec5t ev5ts dropp$ ! masks ,i _h s delib]ately p9n$ on !m4 ,^! ?9 disguises t too sangu9e self-deception _h help$ me to lay ov] a hide\sness t hurt & fright5$ me1 fell "o by "o4 ,my ang] pass$2 horror & pity rema9$4 ,i _c expla9 x q2 an int5se sorr[1 an equally int5se desire to help & save1 7 9 me4 ,affection1 no d\bt1 0 deep & real4444 ,at ! same "t1 ! %ock numb$ some?+ 9 me2 ! abrupt collapse ( a fri5d%ip t meant s mu* to my lonel9ess b[l$ me ov]4 ,:at exactly _h happ5$ ,i did n "k1 ,i c\ld n und]/&2 trea*]y1 falsity1 d\ble-deal+1 lies--^! 7 obvi\s1 b ! modus op]&i 0 n cle>4 ,:y 0 ! *eque torn up & s c>elessly flung away8 ,!re 0 a mi/ ( confusion ov] my m9d4 ,i ?\ght ov] my police c\rt exp]i5ce1 ! crim9al tricks & practices ,i already knew1 b ^! ?rew no helpful light4 ,0 ,kay1 too1 involv$8 ,did ! w>n+ ( a few weeks ago include him z well8 ,!re _h be5 =g]y1 yet aga9--:y 0 ! *eque torn up8 ,! my/]y ( x all increas$ ! gr[+ s5se ( dread1 ( fe>1 ( creep+ horror4 ,my newspap] "w _h giv5 me ! g5]al feel+ t ev]yone _h 8 price 444 b betwe5 fri5ds 9 adv]sity1 ,engli%m51 g5tlem5 z well 444 0 x !n true lit]ally ( ev]ybody8 ,aft] a "t ,i collect$ ! two docum5ts & piec$ !m toge!r aga9 betwe5 ! pages ( a book1 le/ someone might ent] & discov] !m4 ,! doctor 0 n com+ t day1 b !re might be o!r visitors4 ,!n x sudd5ly dawn$ on me--:y hadn't ?is occurr$ to me be=e8--t ! :ole ?+ mu/ be a joke aft] all4 ,( c\rse 444 :y n8 ,x might ev5 h some?+ to d ) ! rle ( und]/udy 9 ! ,so!rn ,play4 ,x c\ld easily be--oh1 surely6--a bit ( /upid fun on ,kay's "p4 ,! c>elessness too6 ,?r[+ ! scraps 9 ! basket "u my v nose1 :]e anybody c\ld easily see !m1 :]e ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 might f9d !m1 or ! woman :o came 9 twice a week to d ! room4 ,?is 0 c]ta9ly aga9/ crim9al int5t4 ,! mo/ f>-fet*$ explanations p\r$ ?r\gh my m9d1 invit$ by hope1 dress$ up by eag] desire1 !n left hang+ 9 mid-air1 ) n ! fa9te/ probability to support !m4 ,i delib]ately recall$ ! k9d actions1 ! solicitude1 ! %>+ ( receipts1 a ?\s& fav\rable details1 ev5 to ! innoc5t expression & ! frank blue eyes1 only to f9d ^! r\t$ utt]ly by two o!r details2 "o negative1 "o vague1 yet bo? insi/5t2 ! doctor's sil5ce & ! %ad[ notic$ rec5tly on ! sleep+ face4 ,x 0 elev5 o'clock2 ,boyde _h said he w\ld return ab\t f\r2 ,i expect$ him1 = ! doctor1 :om he avoid$1 0 n com+4 ,!re 7 five h\rs ( wait+ to endure fir/4 ,! situation :i* ano!r might h toss$ aside ) a wry laugh at himself = hav+ be5 a guileless fool1 to me seem$ port5t\s ) pa9 & horror4 ,i _h no plan1 h[ev]1 :5 ! door op5$ at half-pa/ ?ree1 long be=e ,i expect$ x4 ,!re 0 9 me no fa9te/ idea ( :at ,i 0 go+ to say or d4 ,! book lay on my knee1 ) ! docum5ts conceal$ betwe5 ! pages4 ,i _h he>d no foot/ep1 ! rattle ( ! h&le 0 ! fir/ s\nd ,i caught4 ,yet ! door op5$ diff]5tly--n q z ,boyde op5$ x4 ,!re 0 hesitation 9 ! movem5t4 ,9 t hesitation ( a m]e second !re aga9 fla%$ across my m9d a sudd5 happy c]ta9ty2 ! docum5ts c\ld be expla9$1 x 0 all a joke some:]e4 ,he _h done no?+ wrong1 he w\ld cle> up ! :ole ?+ 9 a mom5t6 ,( c\rse6 ,x 0 my weak1 fev]i% condition t _h rais$ a bogey4 ,a few words f him 7 n[ go+ to de/roy x4 ,!n1 in/ead ( ,boyde1 ,i saw ,grant /&+ %yly on ! ?re%old1 ! "y actor :o _h pawn$ 8 ov]coat4 ,?is "t he wore x4 ,! relief ,i felt at see+ him betray$ me to myself4 ,i welcom$ him s he>tily t 8 %yness disappe>$4 ,he _h dropp$ 9 by *ance1 he told me4 ,i gave him an acc\nt ( my discov]y1 & he b5t ov] me to see ! *eque & lett]1 ask+ if ! writ+ 0 really ,kay's4 ,he look$ v grave4 8,x's n unlike x1 b x isn't 810 ,i repli$4 8,:at d y make ( x8 ,:y are !y torn up80 ,i 0 burn+ to he> :at he ?\ght4 ,he did n answ] = a mom5t4 ,he ask$ in/ead a numb] ( que/ions ab\t ,boyde1 li/5+ closely to my acc\nt ( him1 :i* m5tion$ ! good ) ! bad4 ,he w5t d[n to exam9e ! pack+-case & return$ ) ! report t my *eque-book 0 n !re4 ,i ask$ him aga9 :at he made ( x all1 wait+ ) n]v\s anxiety = 8 v]dict1 b aga9 he put me (f4 ,he want$ to "k :5 ,i la/ he>d f ,kay4 ,eight days ago1 ,i told him1 f ,toronto4 ,he ask$ num]\s que/ions4 ,he seem$ z puzzl$ z ,i 04 8,:at d y ?9k x means80 ,i begg$4 8,:at's he be5 do+80 8,are y q positive x's n ,kay's writ+10 he urg$1 8ev51 = in/ance1 if he 0--0 he hesitat$--8a bit tight at ! "t80 ,i clung to ! fa9t hope4 8,well1 ( c\rse--,i really c\ldn't say4 ,i've nev] se5 8 writ+ :5 he 0 tight4 ,i suppose----0 8,because if x isn't10 int]rupt$ ,grant decisively1 8x means t ,boyde has be5 gett+ money f him & us+ x = himself40 ,i realiz$ !n t he 0 try+ to make ?+s less grave ?an !y really 71 try+ to make x easi] = me 9 ! be/ way he c\ld4 ,! torn-up *eque prov$ 8 sugge/ion fooli%4 8,d y ?9k he's an absolute sc\ndrel80 ,i ask$ po9t blank1 unable to be> ! susp5se any long]4 8,really a crim9al--is he80 8,i want$ to tell y ! o!r day10 he said quickly4 8,only y 7 too ill4 ,i ?\ght x w\ld upset y40 8,crim9al8 ,tell me at once4 ,he may be 9 any m9ute4 ,i mu/ "k40 8,8 reputation is bad10 0 ! reply1 8z bad z x c\ld be4 ,i've he>d ?+s ab\t him4 ,he's already be5 9 gaol4 ,he's suppos$ to be a bit dang]\s40 ,i 0 li/5+ = ! s\nd ( a /ep on ! /airs4 ,i l[]$ my voice a little4 ,x 0 cle> to me t ,grant did n want to tell me all he knew4 8,s--:at d y make1 !n1 ( ?is80 ,i ask$ 9 a half :isp]1 po9t+ to ! docum5ts4 ,he look$ at me h>d a mom5t1 !n gave 8 reply1 also 9 an und]tone3 8,practis+--,i ?9k40 ,i did n und]/& him4 ,! unc]ta9ty ( 8 mean+1 ! que] sugge/ion 9 ! ^w he us$1 gave my imag9ation a horrid twi/4 ,i ask$ aga91 my he>t bang+ aga9/ my ribs3 8,practis+--:at80 8,he didn't ?9k x a successful--copy--s he tore x up10 ,grant expla9$4 8,y mean--=g]y80 8,i ?9k s4 ,t is--,i'm afraid s40 ,i ?9k ! univ]se *ang$ = me 9 t mom5t2 some?+ ,i _h be5 /&+ on = ye>s collaps$2 ,i 0 left hang+ 9 space )\t a plat=m1 )\t a rudd]4 ,an odd helplessness came ov] me4 ,grant1 ( c\rse1 _h only confirm$ my own suspicions1 _h m]ely put into words :at1 actually1 ,i _h kn[n = a long "t2 b x 0 j ?is he>+ ! v]dict spok5 by ano!r t hurt s abom9ably4 ,grant _h quietly torn (f me ! la/ veil ( self-deception4 ,i c\ld no long] pret5d to myself4 ,x seems absurdly out ( proportion n[ on look+ back2 at ! "t ! %ock 0 appall+4 ,we talk$ toge!r1 we tri$ to devise "s plan ( action1 we rea*$ no settl$ conclusion4 ,! m9utes pass$4 ,i nev] ceas$ li/5+ = ! famili> foot/ep on ! /airs4 ,( "o ?+ only 0 ,i p]fectly sure3 :atev] happ5$1 ,i int5d$ to take *>ge ( x all myself4 ,i w\ld deal ) ,boyde 9 my own way4 ,! pr9ciple lay cle> & decid$ 9 me2 ,i meant to fright5 ,boyde z sev]ely z ,i possibly c\ld1 !n to give him ano!r *ance4 ,anticipation made ! m9utes crawl4 ,grant talk$ a good deal4 8,he spott$ y & ,kay f ! />t10 ,i he>d ,grant say+4 8,he saw y\r ignorance ( ! t[n1 y\r inexp]i5ce1 y\r g5]osity4 ,he felt sure ( free lodg+ anyh[1 p]haps a good deal m----0 ,a fa9t ?ud s\nd$ f d[n/airs4 8,!re he is10 ,i said in/antly4 8,t's ! front door bang+4 ,he's com+4 ,keep quiet40 ,i told ,grant to get into ! cupbo>d & hide4 ,he 0 only j conceal$ 9 ! deep cupbo>d & ! door drawn to1 :5 ! o!r door op5$ quietly & ,boyde came 94 ,,*apt] ,,xvii ,boyde 0 9 *e]ful1 smil+ mood4 ,he put "s grapes on ! b$1 ask$ h[ ,i felt1 & told me ab\t 8 trip to ,patt]son & 8 failure to get ! organi/ job4 8,x's bitt]ly cold10 he said4 8,i 0 glad ( y\r ov]coat4 ,y h be5 a brick10 he add$1 8b ,i'll make x all up to y :5 my luck turns40 ,he cross$ ov] to ! s(a & sat d[n1 /ret*+ himself1 obvi\sly tir$ out4 8,nev] m9d1 old *ap2 we %all get along someh[4 ,probably ,kay w s5d u some?+ m be=e long4 ,he's always fai?ful4 ,let's see10 ,i w5t on casually1 8:5 0 x we he>d f him la/80 8,a week ago10 said ,boyde q naturally4 8,toronto1 wasn't x8 ,or ,buffalo--no1 no1 ,toronto40 ,we laugh$ toge!r4 8,s x 010 ,i agre$ c>elessly4 ,!n ,i pret5d$ to hesitate4 8,b t 0 ne>ly a =tnight ago10 ,i sudd5ly correct$ my memory2 8surely we've he>d s9ce t4 ,only ! o!r day--or did ,i dream x80 ,boyde />$ at me lazily ?r\gh ! cig>ette smoke4 8,no1 ,i ?9k n10 he said quietly4 8,!re 0 only ! "o lett]40 ,he %[$ no sign ( di/urbance4 ,i lay /ill1 pret5d+ to ?9k back a bit1 !n heav$ myself sl[ly up 9 b$4 8,b1 ,boyde1 ,i rememb] ! lett]10 ,i exclaim$ ) conviction1 />+ into 8 face1 8,i'm c]ta9 ,i d--ano!r lett]4 ,:y1 ( c\rse6 ,i rememb] y\r %[+ x to me4 ,!re 0 a *eque 9 x--a *eque = sev5ty-five doll>s60 ,8 easy laugh1 8 voice & mann]1 ! p]fect naturalness ( 8 reply made me feel sure t ,i 0 9 ! wrong4 ,he knew absolutely no?+ ( ! *eque & lett]4 ,he 0 innoc5t4 ,x 0 n 8 do+1 at any rate4 8,y mu/ h be5 dream+10 he said1 look+ me full 9 ! face ) 8 big1 hone/ blue eyes4 8,x's too good to be true40 ,he gave a wry little *uckle t only a cle> consci5ce c\ld h made possible4 ,i lay back 9 b$ & laugh$ ) him1 p>tly f weakness1 p>tly to hide my %ak+1 :i* ,i 0 t]rifi$ he w\ld notice4 ,i *ang$ ! subject a mom5t lat]1 z he said no?+ m2 !n1 /ill act+ on impulse & ) no preconceiv$ plan or idea ( my next move1 ,i sat bolt upright 9 b$ & fix$ him ) my eyes4 ,i assum$ a v conv9c$ & s]i\s tone4 ,i felt s]i\s & conv9c$4 ,! mood ( horror _h ru%$ sudd5ly up 9 me3 8,boyde1 ,i rememb] x all n[40 ,i spoke ) great emphasis4 8,x 0 n a dream at all4 ,y came to ?is b$side & %[$ me ! lett]4 ,y held x out = me to read4 ,x 0 dat$ f my old ,toronto ,dairy ?ree days ago4 ,y %[$ me ! *eque too4 ,x 0 = sev5ty-five doll>s1 sign$ by ,kay1 & made out to y\r ord]4 ,i rememb] e s+le detail ( x sudd5ly4 ,&--s d y40 ,he gaz$ at me z a little *ild might gaze4 ,he made no movem5t4 ,8 eyes nei!r dropp$ nor fl9*$4 ,he m]ely gaz$--) a puzzl$1 innoc5t1 guileless />e4 ,a pa9$ expression !n /ole across 8 face4 8,blackwood1 :at on e>? d y mean8 ,x's n likely ,i %\ld =get x if sev5ty-five doll>s came1 is x80 he w5t on quickly 9 8 mo/ sympa!tic voice1 an aggriev$ note 9 x t /irr$ all my affection in/antly4 8,! mo/ he has s5t s f> is t5 doll>s4 ,i %\ld h giv5 y ! money at once4 ,& y "k x1 ,blackwood40 ,he got up & walk$ quietly to & fro4 ,x 0 ! way he utt]$ ^? la/ f\r words t s5t ice d[n my sp9e & br\ght ! mood ( horror back4 ,:y ?is 0 s1 ,i _c expla94 ,p]haps ! phrase rang false2 p]haps its ov]-emphasis fail$4 ,i only "k t my hesitation vani%$4 ,t prep>$ plan s /rangely matur$1 yet hidd5 s deeply t x em]g$ only /ep by /ep z x 0 ne$$1 pu%$ up ano!r move into my upp] m9d4 ,i got sl[ly out ( b$4 ,p]spiration broke out all ov] me4 ,i felt v weak4 ,! w\nd /ret*$4 ,/raight be=e me1 a long way (f x seem$1 0 ! s(a4 ,boyde /ood wat*+ my e move4 ,he /ood l a /atue4 ,be=e ,i _h tak5 a c\ple ( sl[1 small /eps1 crawl+ r\nd ! edge ( ! b$1 he did two quick ?+s t 9 a fla% br\ght f9al conviction to me1 s t ,i knew beyond any d\bt ! hide\s ?+ 0 true3 he mov$ sudd5ly across ! room1 pass+ 9 front ( me1 ?\gh n ne> en\gh to t\*2 ?ree rapid /rides & he 0 aga9/ ! w9d[--) 8 back to ! light4 ,x 0 dusk4 ,he wi%$ to conceal 8 face f me4 ,8 left arm hung at 8 side1 ! h& on a level ) ! dress+-table1 & ,i saw 8 f+]s feel+ along its surface1 ?\gh 8 eyes nev] left my own4 ,i saw !m f9d1 !n grip1 ! :ite-h&l$ razor1 & pull x sl[ly t[>ds him4 ,^! 7 ! two ?+s t betray$ him1 b *iefly1 ,i ?9k1 ! fir/ ( !m--conceal+ 8 face4 ,at ! same in/ant !re 0 a fa9t s\nd on my left4 ,i _h completely =gott5 ! exi/5ce ( my visitor2 ,i n[ rememb]$ him1 = t s\nd came f inside ! cupbo>d1 & ,grant1 evid5tly1 0 ready to leap out4 ,b ,i did n want ,grant4 ,i int5d$ ! :ole matt] to be betwe5 ,boyde & myself4 ,a fla% ( und]/&+ _h giv5 me complete assurance4 ,boyde1 ,i n[ knew1 0 a c[>d1 a sneak1 a *eat1 a li>1 & worse besides4 ,9 spite ( my physical weakness ,i _h ! upp] h&4 ,i 0 ab\t to give him ! fright ( 8 life1 ?\gh /ill ) no cle> idea exactly h[ ?is 0 to be accompli%$4 ,all ,i knew 0 t ,i meant to t]rify him1 !n =give--& save him f himself4 8,n yet60 ,i call$ out1 yet s quickly1 & ) s little app>5t mean+1 t ,boyde1 ,i ?9k1 h>dly he>d me1 & c]ta9ly did n und]/&4 ,grant1 h[ev]1 und]/ood4 ,he told me lat] x 0 j 9 "t to prev5t 8 com+ out4 ,) "o h& support+ me on ! edge ( ! dress+-table1 ,i 0 n[ close to ,boyde1 b5t d\ble 9 front ( him1 />+ up into 8 eyes4 8,give me t razor10 ,i said1 & he obey$1 z ,i felt sure he w\ld4 ,t is1 8 f+]s mov$ away f x1 & ,i quickly pu%$ x out ( 8 rea*4 ,) my o!r h& ,i seiz$ 8 arm4 ,i rais$ my face to 8 z mu* z my w\nd all[$4 8,boyde10 ,i said1 8,i "k ev]y?+60 ,if ,i expect$ a collapse1 z ,i ?9k 0 ! case1 ,i 0 disappo9t$4 ,no?+ happ5$4 ,he did n move4 ,n a muscle1 n ev5 an eyela% flick]$4 ,he />$ d[n into my upturn$ face )\t a ^w1 wait+ = :at 0 com+2 control ( ! features1 ( m\? & eyes 9 p>ticul>1 0 absolute4 ,& x 0 ?is sil5ce1 ?is calm assurance1 giv+ me no help1 ev5 mak+ x m difficult = me1 t1 ,i ?9k1 comb9$ to set me go+4 ,i 0 fairly w\nd up2 ,i saw r$4 ,! words p\r$ out1 hot1 bitt]1 sca?+4 ,! mom5t ,i end$1 he smil$1 z he said v quietly3 8,i don't "k :at y're talk+ ab\t4 ,y are fe>fully excit$ & y w regret y\r words4 ,i d wi% y w\ld get back into b$4 ,all ?is is awfully bad = y 9 y\r weak condition40 ,i 0 flabb]ga/$4 ,all ! w9d _h be5 tak5 f my sails4 ,a t\* w\ld h s5t me to ! floor1 b he did n t\* me4 ,he m]ely gaz$ into my face ) an air ( calm pati5ce t _h pity 9 x1 a h9t ev5 ( contempt4 ,!re 0 a little sil5ce aft] he _h spok54 ,= a mom5t ,i _h no notion :at to d or say4 ,!n1 q sudd5ly1 up fla%$ my plan4 ,i 0 less excit$ n[1 my voice 0 well "u control4 8,boyde10 ,i said1 8n[1 at la/1 ,i've caught y 9 a worse ?+ /ill4 ,y h =g$ a lett] & a signature4 ,y h =g$ a *eque z well4 ,& y w h to g to prison = x4 ,!re is a headqu>t]s detective outside wait+ = me to call him 94 ,y are go+ to be arre/$40 ,!re 0 a mom5t ( taut susp5se ,i c nev] =get4 ,he />$ d[n at me1 obvi\sly at fir/ incr$ul\s4 ,a slight twit* ran across 8 face1 no?+ m2 beyond a trifl+ extra b5d ( ! head1 he made no movem5t4 ,he 0 judg+ me1 weigh+ my words1 wond]+ if !y 7 true4 ,! next second ,i saw t he believ$ me4 ,:at happ5$ !n to 8 face ,i _h nev] se5 be=e1 ?\gh ,i 0 (t5 to see x aft]w>ds 9 o!r faces dur+ my crim9al exp]i5ce4 ,! sk9 sl[ly blan*$ to ! hue ( fl\r2 ! *eeks sagg$2 ! m\? op5$2 ! look 9 8 eyes 0 dreadful4 ,! :ole face dis9tegrat$1 z x 74 ,he _h ! air ( a hunt$ animal at bay4 ,at ! same "t !re 0 a convulsive movem5t ( 8 entire body t fright5$ me4 ,i did n "k :at he 0 go+ to d4 ,x 0 really made up ( sev]al movem5ts1 "o />t+ aft] ano!r4 ,fir/1 8 knees gave way & he ne>ly collaps$4 ,!n1 evid5tly1 he consid]$ ! possibility ( knock+ me d[n & da%+ out ( ! room4 ,8 eyes ran swiftly ov] ev]y?+ at once1 x seem$1 notic+ ! razor c]ta9ly1 b f9d+ me awkw>dly betwe5 him & ! end ( ! table :]e x lay4 ,he half turn$ 9 ! direction ( ! w9d[ beh9d him1 ?9k+ d\btless ( escape by ! leads outside4 ,he gave f9ally a sort ( lur* t[>ds me1 b ?is ,i did n actually see1 = ,i _h turn$ away & 0 crawl+ pa9fully ov] to ! door4 ,x 0 ,grant :o suppli$ ?is detail ( description lat]4 ,8 idea1 probably1 0 to knock me d[n & make a bolt = x4 ,b1 :atev] x 0 he really int5d$ to d1 9 ! end he did no?+1 = at ?is second ,grant em]g$ sudd5ly f 8 cupbo>d4 ,i 0 already lean+ ) my back aga9/ ! door & caught ! look ( t]ror & blank amazem5t t came into ,boyde's face1 z he saw ano!r man :om he c]ta9ly took at fir/ = ! detective4 ,he /ood /ock /ill l a petrifi$ figure4 ,a mom5t lat] he recogniz$ him z ! ,engli%man he _h met at ! cricket mat*4 ,he subsid$ backw>ds1 half on to ! w9d[-sill & half aga9/ ! dress+-table4 ,! drama ( ! sc5e sudd5ly occurr$ to me = ! fir/ "t1 z ,i wat*$ ,grant walk ov] & put ! razor 9 8 pocket1 & !n sit d[n quietly on ! s(a4 ,he spoke no s+le ^w4 ,he m]ely sat & wat*$4 ,) my back aga9/ ! door ,i !n w5t on talk+ quickly4 ,yet beh9d my ang] & disgu/1 ,i felt ! old pity surge up2 already ,i 0 sorry = him2 ,i w\ld pres5tly =give him4 ,b1 fir/1 !re 0 some?+ else to be done4 ,! plan lay q cle> 9 my m9d4 ,closely wat*$ by ,grant & myself1 ,boyde _h mean:ile mov$ out into ! room1 /ill )\t speak+ a s+le ^w1 & flung himself on ! b$ :]e he began to cry l a *ild4 ,he sobb$ convulsively1 ?\gh :e!r ! te>s 7 ( sorr[ or ( fe>1 ,i c\ld n tell4 ,we wat*$ him = "s "t 9 sil5ce4 ,x 0 "s m9utes lat] t he sat up1 /ill %ak+ ) sobs1 & tri$ to speak4 ,9 an utt]ly brok5 voice he begg$ = m]cy1 n = himself--he swore he didn't 8c>e a damn0 ab\t 8 8wor?less self0--b = 8 "m's sake4 ,x w\ld break h] he>t1 if %e he>d ab\t x2 x w\ld kill h]4 ,he implor$ me = ano!r *ance4 ,8 fl[ ( words nev] ceas$4 ,if ,i w\ld let him (f ?is "t1 he begg$1 he w\ld d any?+ ,i wi%$1 any?+1 any?+ 9 ! _w4 ,he w\ld leave ,new ,york1 he w\ld g home & enli/ 444 b =g]y meant ye>s 9 gaol4 8,i am only ?irty1 & ! s5t5ce w\ld mean ! end ( my life44440 ,p]haps in/9ct w>n$ me he 0 ly+1 p]haps he ov]-act$1 ,i _c say2 b ! entire sc5e1 ! sobs1 ! impassion$ language1 ! angui% 9 ! brok5 voice1 ! ru9 ( ! face ,i _h once ?\ght innoc5t1 all left me )\t emotion4 ,i 0 exhau/$ too4 ,i _h witness$ simil> sc5es betwe5 detectives & _! prison]s1 ! =m] n only unmov$1 b bor$ & ev5 angry4 ,i und]/ood n[ h[ !y felt4 ,b !re 0 ! balance ( my plan to be c>ri$ out2 my orig9al pr9ciple _h nev] wav]$2 ,i believ$ ! t]ror he _h felt w\ld make him run /raight 9 future2 ! mom5t _h n[ come1 ,i ?\ght1 to tell him he 0 =giv54 ,s ,i left ! door--he scream$1 ?9k+ ,i 0 go+ to op5 x--& crawl$ sl[ly ov] to him4 ,putt+ my h& on 8 %\ld]1 & us+ ! g5tle/1 k9de/ voice ,i c\ld f9d1 ,i told him he %\ld h ano!r *ance1 b only "o4 ,all excitem5t _h di$ out ( me1 ,i felt real pity1 ! old affection rose1 ,i urg$ & begg$ him to 8run /raight0 f ?is mom5t4444 8,b--!re is a condition10 ,i f9i%$ my s]mon4 8,any?+1 ,blackwood4 ,i'll d any?+ y say40 ,! te>s 7 /ill hang+ on 8 *eeks4 8,y w sit d[n & write :at ,i dictate40 ,we f\nd a %eet ( foolscap1 & he sat d[n at ! little desk1 :ile ,i /ood ov] him & dictat$ ! words ( a full confession4 ,9 writ+ x1 ,boyde's h& 0 z /eady z t ( a cl]k mak+ an unimportant entry 9 an (fice book4 ,he came to ! end & look$ up at me enquir+ly4 8,n[ write a duplicate10 ,i said1 89 y\r o!r h&writ+1 ! "o y meant to be a copy ( ,kay's40 ,he did ?is too2 to an inexp]i5c$ eye ! diff]5ce 0 extraord9>y4 ,i ask$ ,grant to witness x ) me1 & :5 ?is 0 f9i%$ ,i wav$ ! docum5t 9 ! o!r's face4 8,i %all keep ?is10 ,i told him gravely1 8& if ev] y g wrong aga91 x w mean tw5ty ye>s 9 prison40 ,i d n ?9k he knew :at ,i knew at t mom5t2 viz4 t a confession sign$ 8"u duress0 0 n evid5ce 9 a c\rt ( law4 ,he said v simply1 gaz+ into my eyes3 8,y've sav$ my life1 ,blackwood4 ,i %all nev] =get ?is day4 ,my temptations h be5 awful1 b f ?is mom5t ,i mean to run /raight1 p]fectly /raight40 ,words ( gratitude foll[$ 9 a flood4 ,he %ook my h&1 begg+ to be all[$ to help me back into b$4 8,i mu/ fir/ tell ! detective ,i've )drawn ! *>ge10 ,i said4 8,i mu/ s5d him away4 ,he doesn't "k y\r "n40 ,boyde ?ank$ me volubly aga91 z ,i crawl$ to ! door1 clos$ x aga91 & /ood 9 ! cold passage a m9ute or two4 8,! man's gone10 ,i said1 :5 ,i came back4 8,:5--:5 am ,i to leave ?is room80 he ask$ quietly4 ,i told him he c\ld /ay4 ,! matt] 0 =giv5 & =gott54 ,he began to cry aga94444 ,= "s "t aft] ,grant _h gone1 we 7 alone4 ,boyde talk$ a little1 repeat+ 8 gratitude4 ,i ask$ him "o "q only3 _h he be5 9 gaol be=e8 8,i w\ld r n answ] t1 if y don't m9d10 he said4 ,i did n press him1 = he _h answ]$ x4 8,i %all nev]1 nev] g wrong aga910 he kept repeat+4 ,& all ! "t he talk$--,i le>n$ ?is lat]--!re lay 9 8 coat pocket1 t 0 my coat pocket1 ! sum ( t5 doll>s :i* belong$ to me4 ,he _h sold two ( my translations to ,mc,cloy1 tell+ me ,mc,cloy _h refus$ !m4 ,i h a vague recollection ( t ev5+ & ( our talk1 = complete exhau/ion _h come ov] me f ! mom5t ,i got back into b$4 ,x 0 n unconsci\sness1 b probably half unconsci\sness4 ,i 0 only dimly aw>e ( :at 0 go+ on4 ,i rememb] ,boyde go+ out to eat some?+ at ,kris*'s1 !n com+ back4 ,i woke 9 d>kness ) a sudd5 />t4 ,! gas 0 out1 & ,i wond]$ :y4 ,!re 0 a noise close beside me--some?+ swi%+4 ,my m9d cle>$ 9 a fla%4 8,put x back1 ,boyde10 ,i call$ out4 8,put x back at once40 ,a ?9 summ] coat hung on ! door1 too ?9 & %abby to we>1 too ragg$ to pawn4 ,i _h plac$ ! confession 9 ! inside pocket1 & x 0 ?is coat ,i n[ he>d swi%+ fa9tly aga9/ ! wood4 ,no answ] came1 b ,i pla9ly he>d ! s(t tread ( b>e feet along ! c>pet4 ,i got up & lit ! gas4 ,boyde lay app>5tly sleep+ s\ndly on ! floor4 ,i notic$ h[ well-n\ri%$ 8 body look$4 ,he1 at any rate1 _h n be5 />v+4 ,!n ,i mov$ to ! door1 f\nd ! confession1 took x out1 & crawl$ back into b$4 ,f t mom5t ! pap] nev] left me2 x 0 ) me :5 lat] ! doctor all[$ me out1 & at night x lay "u my pill[ :ile ,i slept4 ,i kept ! torn scraps ( ! *eque & lett] ) x1 & ,i hid ! razor4 ,boyde nev] %av$ himself 9 t room aga94 ,,*apt] ,,xviii ,! episode1 ?\gh f> f be+ f9i%$1 _h a %att]+ effect ^u me4 ,if a fri5d1 s close to me by ties ( affection & gratitude1 c\ld act l ?is1 h[ w\ld o!rs1 less intimately relat$1 behave8 ,my tru/ 9 p 0 kill$4 ,a s5se ( deep lonel9ess 0 add$ to ! o!r mis]ies ( t b$4 ,only my books com=t$ & help$ 444 !y did n fail 444 _! tea*+s /ood /iff & firm l a /eel rod t nev] b5t or %ift$1 mu* less broke4 ,s9ce ^! notes tell m]ely ! sup]ficial episodes ( my e>ly ye>s1 fur!r m5tion ( :at ! books meant to me is unnecess>y2 en\gh--m ?an en\gh1 probably--has already be5 told to %[ ! backgr\nd :i* expla9s motive & conduct4 ,! ma9 /ream ( my life1 at any rate1 ran deep] & ev] deep]1 its c5tre ( gravity f> bel[ any?+ t c\ld possibly come to me 9 ! ord9>y _w or outw>d happ5+s4 ,big dreams 7 9 me at :ite heat1 burn+1 burn+ 444 & all ext]nal ev5ts 7 col\r$ by !m4 ,!re foll[$ n[ a m peaceful ?\gh %ort p]iod1 dur+ :i* ,boyde behav$ well1 ) k9dness & signs ( true p5it5ce4 ,grant w>n$ me ?is 0 act+1 & t ,i _h be5 a fool to =give & let him /ay on1 b ,i w\ld n li/51 & foll[$ my own pr9ciple4 ,i did n tru/ him1 b nev] let him "k x1 %[+ him full confid5ce1 ) all ! =m] intimacy & affection4 ,i felt sure ?is 0 ! "r & only way4 ,8 attitude to me _h some?+ ( a dog's devotion 9 x4 ,i fully believ$ he 0 8runn+ /raight0 aga94 ,i wat*$ him closely1 :ile hid+ suspicion c>efully away4 ,novemb] drew to a close2 ,kay s5t no m money2 ! debt to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 grew2 income became small] & small]4 ,i wrote to ,mc,cloy1 :o repli$ ) a brief ^w t ,i c\ld come back :5 ,i 0 well aga94 ,be=e leav+ my b$1 h[ev]1 at ! end ( ! mon?1 ano!r incid5t occurr$ t %ock$ me f> m ?an ! fir/4 ,"o aft]noon ab\t a week aft] ! confession1 !re came a knock at ! door1 & to my complete surprise1 9 walk$ a bank]1 :o _h (t5 /ay$ 9 our h\se 9 ,engl&4 ,i 0 />tl$ & annoy$1 = ,i fe>$ he w\ld write home & tell ! tru? t my lett]s s c>efully conceal$4 ,x 0 a c\ple ( ye>s s9ce ,i _h se5 him4 ,h[ _h he f\nd me out8 ,8 fir/ s5t5ce told me3 8,b ?is is dreadful4 ,i knew no?+ ab\t y\r be+ ill4 ,i didn't "k y 7 9 ,new ,york ev54 ,an ,engli%man nam$ ,boyde came to my (fice ye/]day & told me40 ,he look$ me ov] ) anxiety4 8,b y\r bones are %[+6 ,h y be5 v bad8 ,:y on e>? didn't y let me "k1 my de> fell[80 ,i _h spok5 ( ?is acqua9tance 9 ,boyde's pres5ce1 & he _h evid5tly made a note ( "n & address4 ,i expla9$ quickly t ,i _h n be5 s]i\sly ill1 t ,i 0 ne>ly well & _h a good doctor1 & t ,i 0 on ! /aff ( ! ,ev5+ ,sun & do+ well4 ,i told him briefly ab\t my ,canadian c>e] z well4 ,! bank] 0 a v dec5t fell[4 ,8 visit 0 brief1 b he 0 v k9d1 well-mean+ & sympa!tic--only--,i did n want him6 ,he promis$1 anyh[1 he w\ld n write to my fa!r--0 glad1 ,i ?9k1 to be reliev$ ( ! necessity--& be=e go+ he absolutely insi/$ on leav+ "s money ) me4 ,i refus$ & refus$ aga94 ,b my own exhau/ion & 8 p]si/5ce result$ 9 8 leav+ all he _h on him at ! mom5t--#cb4 ,mon?s lat] ,i discov]$ t ,boyde _h obta9$ o!r sums f him on ! plea t ,i ne$$ a speciali/1 & !re may h be5 yet fur!r am\nts ( simil> k9d = all ,i knew4 ,on com+ 91 ,boyde took 8 scold+ ) a smile2 he _h 8act$ = ! be/44440 ,we discuss$ h[ ! money %\ld be sp5t1 agree+ ^u #aj to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 #aj to ! doctor next day1 #c to r$eem ,kay's ov]coat1 :i* we w\ld s5d to him1 & ! balance 9 h&1 aft] lay+ 9 a /ore ( dri$ apples1 oatmeal & cond5s$ milk1 z our supplies 7 n[ exhau/$4 ,next morn+1 :5 he left at eight o'clock = a /udio appo9tm5t & *oir rehe>sal1 ,i gave him ! money = ! l&lady & a doll> he ask$ = himself4 ,! balance he put back 9 ! draw] ( ! little desk beside my b$4 ,x 0 a happi] morn+ ?an ,i _h kn[n = long2 ! feel+ t ,i _h some?+ to give to ! doctor made ! h\rs pass quickly1 & :5 he arriv$ at ?ree1 9 8 v be/ mood1 he 0 obvi\sly pleas$ on he>+ t ,i c\ld easily sp>e #aj4 ,! relief 0 writt5 on 8 beam+ face4 ,he ?ank$ me w>mly4 8,i d really ne$ x10 he said ) emphasis1 8or ,i c\ldn't take x f y40 ,we pass$ a delightful h\r or two2 ,i 0 /rong en\gh to play ! fiddle to him2 we talk$ 444 ! happie/ aft]noon ,i _h yet kn[n 9 t room came to an end2 he prep>$ to g4 ,po9t+ to ! draw]1 ,i ask$ him to take ! money out4 ,he did s4 ,at lea/ he op5$ ! draw]4 ,he op5$ all f\r draw]s4 ,! money 0 n !re4 ,! mo/ pa9ful "p ( x1 ,i ?9k1 0 ! look on 8 face z he pres5tly w5t out4 ,he did n believe me4 ,i _h f\nd x impossible to m5tion ,boyde4 ,i _h be5 spee*less4 ,i _h no explanation to give4 ,by ! expression on ! old ,g]man's face z he left ! room ,i c\ld see he ?\ght ,i 0 ly+ to him4 ,8 disappo9tm5t 9 me 0 great] ?an 8 disappo9tm5t ov] ! money4 ,x 0 a bitt] mom5t--ev5 m bitt] ?an ! fur!r trea*]y ( my companion4444 ,i 0 alone ) my ?\ghts & feel+s4 ,i 0 alone = f\r days--& f\r nights4 ,boyde1 t is1 did n return till f\r days _h pass$1 :ile ! doctor /ay$ away ?ree days4 ,:e!r ei!r ( !m _h said any?+ to ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 on _! way out1 ,boyde promis+ paym5t p]haps1 ! doctor lett+ fall some?+ d]ogatory1 ,i did n "k4 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 anyh[1 0 v unpleasant dur+ ^? f\r awful days4 ,boyde _h n ev5 giv5 h] ! #aj4 ,%e paid me dreadful visits1 %e ?reat5$ to sell my ?+s 7:at8 ,i wond]$71 to turn me out2 %e s5t up h>dly any food4444 ,wait+ = ,boyde's /ep1 li/5+ all day1 all night 444 ,i ne$$ my books1 my dreams1 my inn] crack1 z ,i _h nev] ne$$ !m be=e dur+ ^? horrible f\r days4 ,!y seem$ an et]nity4 ,! long nights1 ( c\rse1 7 by f> ! worse2 ! dreams1 ! expectancy1 = ev] anticipat+ ! famili> tread ( /ock+$ feet on ! /airs1 wond]+ :at 9 ! _w _h happ5$1 h[ ?+s w\ld end4444 ,_h he be5 arre/$1 p]haps = some?+ t]rible8 ,!y 7 haunt$ nights t made me dread ! fir/ sign ( com+ dusk4 ,x seem$ l weeks1 an incalculable "t altoge!r _h pass$ s9ce ,i _h se5 him4444 ,!n ! spid] took ! place ( ! o!r v]m94 ,i h always p>ticul>ly dislik$ spid]s1 & ?is "o 0 ! fa!r ( !m all2 ?\gh x 0 ! horror ( him1 n ! physical pres5ce1 t haunt$ my nights s p]si/5tly4 ,he 01 ,i am sure1 ! ,spid] ,idea4 ,he orig9at$ 9 a room 9 ,toronto1 :]e a fri5d fooli%ly let 8 prototype1 a t>antula1 escape1 & :]e x hid all night4 ,x 0 my room4 ,he came f ,florida ) a case ( bananas4 ,he 0 v big1 if sluggi%1 8 swoll5 body & hairy black legs ! na/ie/ ,i _h ev] se54 ,i sp5t ! night ) ?is mon/] on ! loose1 & ! fir/ ?+ 9 ! morn+ ,i saw him1 l[ d[n on ! wall1 q close to me4 ,he _h crept = w>m? to a pipe ne> ! hot air regi/]4 ,?is spid] n[ came at me1 /irr$ into life by ! *ance activity ( "s memory cell4 ,he came crawl+ across ! leads1 dragg+ 8 bulg+ body sl[ly1 !n feel+ ov] ! smoo? glass ) 8 legs t 7 l black bru%es a *imney sweep might use4 ,up ! /airs he came too1 b sideways !re1 be+ too l>ge to move 9 8 usual way2 fir/ ?ree legs on "o side1 !n ?ree legs on ! o!r1 heav+ himself along1 ! mass ( 8 body betwe5 !m slop+ l a boat at sea4 ,! fat body 0 d]iv$1 ,i'm sure1 f ! %ock ( notic+ ,boyde's well-f$ appe>ance4444 ,!re 7 o!r ?+s besides ! spid]1 ! m9d1 d\btless1 be+ a little ov]wr\ght4 ,"o ( ^! 8o!r ?+s0 0 real--a yell[-hair$ woman :o air$ :at ! pap]s call$ h] 8%apely legs0 9 silk tights = a liv+4 ,paul9e ,m---- 0 h] "n1 & %e 0 lead+ lady 9 ! 8,night ,owls ,company10 !n play+ at ,tony ,pa/or's ,music ,hall 9 #ad? ,/reet1 or1 p]haps1 x 0 at ,ko/] & ,biel's ,hall fur!r up t[n4 ,i h =gott54 ,9 any case1 ,boyde _h m5tion$ ! ,company to me 9 "s connexion or o!r4 ,he knew h]4 ,h] visit to me has always seem$ vague & hazy2 %r\d$ 9 mi/ ( "s k9d1 ! mi/ ( my suff]+ m9d1 ,i imag9e4 ,!re lies a fev]i% t\* ( fantasy all ov] x4 ,x 0 on ! ev5+ ( ! second day s9ce ,boyde _h disappe>$1 ?\gh ,i c\ld h sworn t at lea/ a week's lonel9ess _h int]v5$4 ,x 0 ! second day1 ,i "k1 because ! doctor came on ! f\r?4 ,dur+ ! aft]noon an un9telligible telegram _h come1 s5t f a ,broadway (fice3 8,don't be anxi\s--h surpris+ news = y--no dr9k+--home ?is aft]noon4----,b40 ,!re 0 n mu* com=t 9 x1 ?\gh at lea/ ,i knew !n he _h n be5 arre/$1 b an h\r or s lat] a second telegram _h arriv$1 s5t f an (fice above #dbnd ,/reet3 8,m>ri$ ,paul9e ?is aft]noon4----,b40 ,x all my/ifi$1 confus$ & tr\bl$ me extremely1 & ! /ra9 on n]ves & emotions _h be5 s prolong$ t1 ,i ?9k1 ,i 0 half /upefi$ ) x all1 half /upid c]ta9ly4 ,at any rate1 ! visit always seem$ a sort ( unreal visit1 veil$ z x 71 & %ad[y4 ,two ?\ghts 7 9 my m9d :5 ! knock s\nd$ on ! door3 food & ,boyde4 ,i 0 always li/5+ int5tly = 8 tread1 b ,i 0 also li/5+ = ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9's foot/ep ) a possible tray4 ,x 0 aft] six o'clock2 s9ce c(fee & bread at #h4cj 9 ! morn+ ,i _h eat5 no?+1 = our own supplies 7 f9i%$4 ,in/ead ( ,boyde or ! tray1 h[ev]1 9 walk$ ! woman ) yell[ hair & /atuesque figure4 ,%e wore furs1 %e 0 ov]-dress$ & pa9t$1 %e reek$ ( sc5t4 ,to me x 0 a k9d ( nightm>e vision4 ,details ( h] long visit ,i rememb] b v few4 ,%e at once ann\nc$ h]self--8,i am ,paul9e ,m----0 & ask$ excit$ly1 8,are y ,blackwood80 ,%e 0 9 a 8/ate40 ,h] great figure fill$ ! little room4 ,%e p\r$ out a torr5t ( words 9 a cockney voice4 ,h] face 0 flam+ r$ b5ea? ! pa9t4 ,occasionally %e swept ab\t4 ,! "n ( ,boyde recurr$ frequ5tly4 ,%e 0 attack+ me1 ,i ga!r$4 ,boyde _h said ?is & t ab\t me4 ,i und]/ood less ?an no?+4 ,i rememb] ask+ h] to sit d[n1 & t %e refus$1 & t pres5tly ,i ask$ some?+ else3 8,has he m>ri$ y80 & t %e sudd5ly caught sight ( ! telegrams ly+ on my b$--,i _h po9t$--!n pick$ !m up & read !m4 ,%e came clos] to me :ile %e did ?is1 s t ,i caught ! /9k ( spirits4 ,x 0 all v muddl$ & confus$ to me1 & ,i made no attempt to talk4 ,i he>d h] begg+ me to 8give him back0 to h]1 t %e lov$ him1 t ,i _h 8poison$ 8 m9d0 aga9/ h]--?reats & besee*+ oddly m+l$4 ,b ! telegrams seem$ to sob] h] a little1 = ,i rememb] h] becom+ abruptly m quiet1 almo/ maudl91 & p\r+ out an endless /ory ab\t ,boyde :o 01 app>5tly1 8full ( money 444 full ( liquor0 444 & full ( ang] aga9/ me because he _h be5 8support+0 me & ,i _h %[n 8base +ratitude40444 ,i 0 too bewild]$ to feel mu*4 ,x numb$ me4 ,i c\ldn't make s5se ( x4 ,i c\ldn't realize h[ ,boyde _h delib]ately left me alone s long4 ,some?+ mon/r\s & inhuman t\*$ x all4 ,%e w5t away ev5tually 9 a calm] /ate1 ?\gh leav+ me 9 a condition t 0 f> f calm4 ,%e w5t1 begg+ me to 8s5d him back0 to h] :5 he came home1 b half realiz+1 ,i ga!r$1 t ! boot 0 on ! o!r leg1 s f> z ,boyde & myself 7 conc]n$4 ,%e 0 /ill angry ) me 9 a vague unju/ sort ( way1 n kn[+ :om to believe probably1 nor exactly :at _h happ5$4 ,%e fl\nc$ out ( ! room 9 a :irl ( excitem5t & cockney s5t5ces1 & ,i nev] saw h] aga94 ,my tray arriv$ )9 a few m9utes ( h] welcome dep>ture4444 ,i sp5t an appall+ night4 ,boyde1 ! yell[-hair$ woman1 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 ! old ,g]man1 ! spid]1 /eps on ! /airs a hundr$ times t came to no?+4444 ,i wi%$ once or twice t ,i 7 dead4444 ,! door did n op54444 ,x nev] ra9s b x p\rs4 ,two days lat] ! doctor came 9 ! aft]noon1 9 ! blacke/ mood ,i _h yet enc\nt]$4 ,i r expect$ 8 visit1 & ?\gh dread+ x1 ,i also long$ = x1 long$ to see someone--a human be+4 ,he came %>p at ?ree1 att5d$ to me1 & left aga94 ,! visit la/$ p]haps t5 or fifte5 m9utes1 & dur+ ! :ole "t he spoke no s+le ^w1 n ev5 greet+ me :5 he ent]$1 or say+ good-bye :5 he w5t out4 ,8 face 0 black1 ag$1 t]rible 9 ! suff]+ x wore4 ,i _h meant to tell him at la/ ab\t ,boyde1 unable any long] to keep x to myself4 ,i simply mu/ tell someone4 ,b n a syllable c\ld ,i get out4 ,:5 ! old ,g]man _h gone1 h[ev]1 ,i felt sure x 0 8 own my/]i\s suff]+1 & n any feel+ aga9/ myself1 t caus$ 8 /range behavi\r4 ,i knew1 too1 t he w\ld come aga91 & ?us ,i got "s com=t f 8 sil5t1 rapid visit4 ,?is 0 on ! f\r? day s9ce ,boyde des]t$2 x 0 ! day on :i* he came back4 ,he came back2 8 money _h giv5 out2 he _h n[h]e to sleep4 ,x 0 night1 some:]e ab\t t5 o'clock4 ,i 0 fall+ into an uneasy doze1 ! k9d ( doze t introduc$ ! spid]1 :5 ! door op5$ s(tly4 ,!re 0 no knock4 ,i _h he>d no foot/ep4 ,! door j op5$ & he came 94 ,e n]ve 9 me became al]t4 ,tru? to tell1 !re 0 no emotion 9 me ( any sort or k9d4 ,i 0 numb1 exhau/$ to ! bone4 ,i lay /ill & />$ at him4 ,he look$ sleek & ev5 prosp]\s4 ,he look$ gorg$ ) food4 ,8 face 0 a little swoll54 ,! big blue eyes 7 cle>4 ,he let ! eyeglass fall1 gaz+ at me1 :ile a smile broke ov] 8 face4 ,i 0 s glad to see him1 s reliev$ to h him back1 t1 ?\gh no emotion beyond t ( susp5se end$ 0 9 me1 ,i felt1 z once be=e ) ! doctor1 a lump rise 9 my ?roat4 ,8 bloat$ expression di/ress$ me vaguely4 ,at fir/ he said no?+1 b walk$ across ! room on tiptoe1 z ?\gh pret5d+ ,i 0 asleep & he fe>$ to wake me4 ,my tongue loos5$ sudd5ly4 ,! v words ,i h n =gott54 ,a matt] t _h n la9 9 my m9d = days came upp]mo/3 8,did y s5d (f ! ov]coat to ,kay80 ,he nodd$1 b )\t look+ at me4 ,x 0 a lie1 ,i knew4 ,my eyes foll[$ him r\nd1 z he began to undress4 ,= sev]al m9utes ,i said no?+4 ,!n o!r words came to me3 8,i've be5 alone f\r days & nights40 ,sil5ce4 8,)\t food--or anybody40 ,sil5ce1 b he turn$ 8 back to me4 8,)\t money40 ,sil5ce4 ,he /ood q motionless4 8,i might h di$4 ,i might h gone crazy40 ,sil5ce4 8,x's be5 awful--! lonel9ess & wond]+----0 ,he half turn$1 b in/antly turn$ back aga94 ,no s\nd escap$ him4 8,i've be5 ?9k+ ab\t y--& wond]+ day & night4 ,are y really m>ri$8 ,paul9e's be5 "h--?is aft]noon40 ,8 sil5ce 0 brok5 by a sort ( gulp1 & he b5t ov]4 ,my mi/ake ab\t ! date ( ! woman's visit 0 int5tional--,i ?\ght x might op5 8 lips2 ,i did n correct x4 ,he half turn$ to look at me1 b aga9 in/antly hid 8 face z be=e4 ,!n he abruptly sat d[n on ! s(a1 lean+ aga9/ ! back1 8 head 9 8 h&s4 ,i rais$ myself 9 b$1 nev] tak+ my eyes (f him4 8,i got y\r telegrams4 ,h y no?+ to say8 ,no explanation8 ,h y br\ght any food1 any money8 ,y h _h money--all ?is "t40 ,sil5ce1 brok5 only by ano!r gulp4 8,i saw y take ! money out ( ! draw]4 ,i said no?+ because ,i ?\ght y 7 go+ to get me ?+s4 ,i tru/$ y40 ,he turn$ all at once & fac$ me1 ?\gh keep+ 8 eyes always /eadily on ! floor4 ,! te>s 7 /ream+ d[n 8 face l ra94 8,are y tir$80 ,i ask$4 8,y'd bett] lie d[n & g to sleep4 ,y c talk to-morr[40 ,x 0 ?is t f9i%$ him4 ,he _h rea*$ ! break+ po9t4 ,!re is no h]oism 9 me2 x 0 simply t ,i ne$$ him1 rott5 z he 01 he>tless1 cruel1 vile z well2 ,i funk$ ano!r spell ( t awful lonel9ess2 ,i knew him n[ = a c[>d & a bea/1 b ,i c\ld n face ano!r night alone4 ,t complete lonel9ess _h be5 too horrible4 ,a wild animal 0 bett] ?an t4 ,boyde 0 ( ! hy5a type1 b a hy5a 0 bett] ?an a spid]4 ,x 0 nei!r g5]osity nor nobility t made me li/5 to 8 ridicul\s & ly+ /ory ( an 8awful & t]rible temptation10 ( a 8fe>ful exp]i5ce ) a woman0 :o _h drugg$ him4444 ,! tale spun itself f> into ! night1 ! razor & ! confession 7 "u my pill[1 ,i fell asleep1 dead ) exhau/ion1 :ile he 0 /ill expla9+ some?+ ab\t a 8woman nam$ ,paul9e ,m----0 :o _h 8deceiv$ me 9 a mo/ extraord9>y way44440 ,! foll[+ day1 9 ! morn+--,dr4 ,huebn] came unexpect$ly4 ,boyde _h gone out be=e ,i woke4 ,?is "t he 0 a radiant ,dr4 ,jekyll1 & ,i told him ! :ole /ory4 ,8 only comm5t1 look+ sev]ely at me ?r\gh ! big spectacles1 03 8,i expect$ x4 ,he is a confid5ce man4 ,i knew x ! fir/ "t ,i saw him4 ,y h kick$ ! devil out1 ( c\rse80 ,a viol5t disagreem5t t 0 almo/ a qu>rel foll[$4 8,i simply d n und]/& y10 he said at la/1 9 complete disgu/4 ,x 0 only ! wondr\s1 beam+ happy mood he 0 9 t prev5t$ 8 be+ really angry4 ,he ?rew 8 h&s up & snort$4 8,y are ei!r a fool or a sa9t1 &--,i'm sure y're n a sa9t40 ,he 0 v mu* upset4 ,i did n yield4 ,!re 0 some?+ 9 me t p]suad$ me to =give ,boyde & to give him yet ano!r *ance4 ,i told ,boyde ?is 9 v pla9 language4 ,i claim no cr$it--,i h nev] felt ! smalle/ cr$it--= :at ,i did4 ,x 0 simply t someh[ x seem$ impossible n to =give him--any?+4 ,b ! "t 0 ne>1 ?\gh ! feel+ ( =giv5ess /ill held true 9 me1 :5 my =giv5ess took ano!r =m4 ,?irty ye>s ago ^! little incid5ts occurr$4 ,x seems l ?irty days4 ,,*apt] ,,xix ,x is a m]cy "o _c see ! future4 ,9 t ,new ,york mis]y1 pres5t & to foll[1 _h ,i kn[n t "s fifte5 ye>s lat] ,i %\ld be my own ma/]1 liv+ m or less 8l a g5tleman10 e>n+ my livelihood1 ?\gh a v b>e "o1 by writ+1 ,i c\ld nev] h fac$ :at ,i did face4 ,any value t may h la9 9 ! exp]i5ces w\ld c]ta9ly h be5 miss$1 at any rate4 ,if "o knew t ! future promis$ bett] ?+s1 !re is no pati5ce 9 human be+s t c\ld hold & wait = x2 if1 on ! o!r h&1 x promis$ worse1 ,i h met no c\rage t c\ld be> ! pres5t4 ,^? :o prea* 8live 9 ! pres5t only0 h common s5se on _! side4 ,) ! memory ( ! pa/1 simil>ly1 su* folk %[ wisdom4 ,re9c>nation is an int]e/+ !ory to _m2 yet to recall pa/ lives c\ld h b "o effect--to r5d] "o ineffective n[4 ,to recall ! failures ( a m]e =ty ye>s is bad en\gh2 to look back ov] a hundr$ lives w\ld be disa/r\s3 "o c\ld only sit d[n & cry4 ,decemb] _h come ) its cold & bitt] w9ds1 & ! doctor1 ev] fai?ful1 _h let me up4 ,i w5t = my fir/ little walk1 lean+ on ,boyde's arm4 ,r\nd ,gram]cy ,p>k we crawl$ sl[ly1 & t fir/ ta/e ( fre% air1 ! s\nd ( w9d 9 ! leafless trees1 a fa9t h9t ( ! sea t rea*es ev5 ! city /reets1 gave me an un=gettable happ9ess & ye>n+4 ,! plan to settle 9 ! backwoods aga9 obsess$ me4 ,a little lat] ,i _h almo/ p]suad$ ! doctor1 & ,kay 9 my lett]s1 to take up a claim nor? ( ! ,muskoka ,lakes :]e we _h sp5t su* a happy summ]4 ,boyde 0 to come too--8z a sort ( excitem5t1 ,i suppose60 0 ! doctor's bitt] comm5t4 ,i grew gradually /rong]4 ,report+ 0 /ill impossible1 b1 introduc$ by ,boyde1 ,i e>n$ some?+ by pos+ 9 ! /udios4 ,a 8sitt+0 0 ?ree h\rs4 ,"s arti/s paid by ! h\r1 b ,*>les ,dana ,gibson1 !n draw+ 8 weekly c>toons 9 ,life1 always paid = a full sitt+1 ?\gh he might use 8 model = an h\r only4 ,he 0 a rapid work]1 & a good fell[2 he nev] =got to ask if "o 0 tir$ ( any p>ticul> attitude2 my fir/ pose to him 0 = a brok5-d[n actor lean+ aga9/ a ho>d+ cov]$ ) adv]tisem5ts1 ! joke be+ some?+ ab\t a bill-bo>d & a bo>d-bill4 ,i 0 ?rill$ :5 x appe>$ 9 ,life4 ,!re 0 always a great ru% among ! models = ,gibson's /udio4 ,! only o!r poses ,i rememb] are sw++ a golf club & sitt+ = a bi%op's arms & h&s4 ,i wore big sleeves4 ,^!1 h[ev]1 7 n 9 ,gibson's /udio4 ,my memory ( ?is "w is dim2 x 0 n unpleasant2 only its unc]ta9ty aga9/ x1 ?\gh a good week might br+ 9 z mu* z fifte5 doll>s4 ,sm$ley1 :o illu/rat$ = ,h>p]'s ,magaz9e1 0 ! pa9t] we all dislik$ mo/2 ,cox1 son ( ,bi%op ,cox1 ,clevel& ,cox be+ 8 full "n1 ,i ?9k1 0 a fav\rite3 he 0 a g5tleman4 ,!re 0 ,zogbaum too1 ano!r illu/rator1 & !re 0 ,lynwood ,palm]1 ! horse-pa9t]1 & lead+ arti/ on ,! ,rid] & ,driv]1 a fir/-class weekly ( t day4 8,arti/ ,palm]10 z ! pap]s call$ him lat]1 0 a "*4 ,8 k9dness to me /&s out4 ,he _h v great tal5t--= gett+ ! lik5ess ( a horse4 ,we call$ him 8,! ,horse40 ,he made a success at 8 "w1 pa9t$ ! 8,k+'s ,horses & ,m50 9 subsequ5t ye>s1 & settl$ d[n ev5tually--he 0 an ,engli%man--,i believe1 at ,he/on1 ,h\nsl[4 ,8 ,new ,york /udio 0 9 ,fif? ,av5ue4 ,_m a "t he gave me food !re4 8,arti/ ,palm]0 0 self-taught4 ,i =get ! :ole /ory1 b he _h kn[n 8 h>d times4 ,look+ at my dirty boots ! fir/ "t ,i call$1 he said3 8,:5 ,i drove a cab "h1 my boots 7 bett] clean$ ?an any man's on ! rank40 ,i 0 n p>tial to ,dr4 ,smiles' 8,self ,help40 ,a 8%9e0 moreov]1 co/ #e c5ts1 & #e c5ts meant a glass ( be] & a meal at a free lun* c\nt]--our inv>iable lun* at t "t4 ,arti/ ,palm] knew ,boyde z a bad lot1 & told me t ,boyde 0 ly+ ab\t me beh9d my back ev]y:]e1 say+ t he 0 support+ me1 pay+ = my illness1 & :ile borr[+ money 9 my "n1 expla9+ t ,i sp5t all he gave me 9 dissipation6 ,8 me?od 0 to pres5t a =g$ *eque to "s good-natur$ fri5d aft] bank+ h\rs1 obta9 ! money1 & sp5d x on himself4 ,a tale ( woe1 ) crocodile te>s1 sav$ him f subsequ5t arre/4 ,no "o ev] prosecut$ him4 ,all ?is ,i kept to myself1 ?\gh ,i wat*$ ,boyde m & m closely4 ,i knew 8 /udio appo9tm5ts & made him h& ov] :at he e>n$4 ,i did also an idiotic ?+3 ,i w5t d[n & w>n$ ! pa/or's daught] ab\t him4 ,palm]'s words & my own feel+ p]suad$ me to ?is fatal action4 ,%e 0 a beautiful girl4 ,i receiv$ f h] ! same k9d ( treatm5t t ,i _h %[n to ! man :o fir/ w>n$ me4 ,boyde1 ( c\rse1 soon knew ab\t x4 ,we _h a sc5e4 ,i saw = ! fir/ "t ang] 9 8 face1 black hatr$ too4 ,he nev] =gave me my /upid indiscretion4444 ,! way he expla9$ my action to ! girl h]self 0 *>act]i/ic ( him1 b ,i only le>n$ lat] h[ he manag$ x4 ,9 a volunt>y confession he wrote a few weeks aft]w>ds1 a confession he judg$ might conv9ce me he 0 g5u9ely rep5tant1 & at ! same "t save him f a grave imp5d+ fate1 he describ$ x--hone/ly3 8,i told h]10 he said1 8%e 0 to pay no att5tion to y\r w>n+s1 because y want$ me to m>ry "o ( y\r si/]s40 ,! way ,i lo/ ,boyde tempor>ily comes a little lat] 9 8 /ory1 b may be told "h because x m>k$ ! close ( a def9ite little *apt] 9 8 c>e] ) me4 ,x 0 ! fir/ week 9 ,decemb]4 ,i came home--f ! doctor's h\se--at two 9 ! morn+4 ,! gas 0 burn+1 b ! room 0 n too well lit by ! s+le burn]4 ,boyde lay asleep on ! floor z usual4 ,i mov$ s(tly s z n to wake him4 ,i glanc$ d[n4 ,:at ,i saw />tl$ me2 m1 x gave me a horrid turn4 ,! figure on ! mattress 0 ano!r man4 ,x 0 n ,boyde4 ,!n1 z ,i cauti\sly look$ clos]1 ,i discov]$ my mi/ake4 ,x 0 ,boyde aft] all1 b )\t 8 m\/a*e4 ,i />$ = "s m9utes 9 amazem5t1 = ! face 0 completely alt]$4 ,! droop+1 r heavy m\/a*e _h always hidd5 8 lips & m\?4 ,i n[ saw t m\?4 ,& x 0 a cruel1 brutal m\?1 h>d1 s5sual1 ) ugly ?icki% lips1 contradict+ ! k9dly blue eyes completely4 ,a s5t5ce ( detective-s]geant ,heidelb]g1 a headqu>t]s man1 came back to me1 himself a brutal1 he>tless type1 if ev] !re 0 "o1 b ) ye>s ( crim9al exp]i5ce beh9d him3 8,wat* ! m\? & h&s & feet10 he told me once 9 c\rt4 8,!y c fake ! eyes dead easy1 b !y c't fake ! m\? hell give 'em4 ,!y =git _! h&s & feet4 ,wat* _! m\? & h&s & feet--! way ^! fidgit4 ,t give 'em away e "t40 ,:y _h ,boyde done ?is ?+8 ,he 0 a h&some man1 ! light graceful m\/a*e 0 a di/9ct asset 9 8 appe>ance4 ,:y _h he %av$ sudd5ly8 ,i />$ at ! new horrid face = a long "t4 ,he lay sleep+ l a *ild4 ,i turn$ to exam9e ! room1 z *anges might be !re too4 ,all seem$ z usual1 ,i saw no diff]5ce any:]e4 ,!n my eyes fell on ! cupbo>d ) its half-op5$ door4 ,boyde's coat1 t 0 my own coat1 ! only ?ick "o we _h betwe5 u1 hung d[n f ! hook4 ,&1 = ! fir/ "t1 ! sight ( t coat /irr$ a dim1 pa9ful memory ( ! place :]e ,i _h fir/ worn x4 ,naturally x 0 old1 b x 0 also ,engli%4 ,! h\se 9 ,k5t rose up--! lime trees on ! lawn1 ! t5nis c\rts1 my fa!r's /udy1 8 face1 my "m's face1 _! voices ev51 ! v smell & atmosph]e & feel+s ( happy days t n[ seem$ = ev] lo/4 ,! :ole ma*9]y ( association work$ sudd5ly at full pressure4 ,x 0 l a bl[4 ,i realiz$ vividly ! awful gap betwe5 ^? days & ^!1 betwe5 myself z ,i _h be5 & z ,i 04 ,a :iff ( p]fume1 a smell1 produces ?is k9d ( evocation 9 mo/ cases2 ) me1 j !n1 x 0 my old ,engli% coat4 ,i rememb] ! /rong emotion 9 me1 & t1 :ile /ill held & gripp$ by x1 my eye caught sight ( an envelope /ick+ out ( ! inside brea/ pocket4 ,! coat hung by *ance 9 a way t made x visible4 ,x might easily fall out altoge!r4 ,i mov$ ov] & /ret*$ out a h& to put x safely back & !n saw t ! writ+ on ! envelope 0 my own4 ,x 0 a lett]4 ,i took x out4 ,! address 0 ! h\se 9 ,k5t1 ^: atmosph]e /ill hung ab\t my ?\ghts4 ,! "n 0 my "m's "n4 ,!re 7 o!r lett]s1 all my own2 "o to my fa!r2 two to my bro!r1 ! "o be+ 9 ! _w ,i really lov$1 ! only "o ( ! family to :om ,i _h giv5 vague h9ts ( ! real /ate ( affairs4 ,"s ( ! lett]s 7 two weeks1 ?ree weeks old4 ,9 ea* case ! five-c5t /amp _h be5 torn (f4 ,five c5ts meant a glass ( lag] & a meal at a free lun* c\nt]4 ,!re 0 no reflection4 ,hold+ ! lett]s 9 my h&1 ,i mov$ across to ! mattress4 ,!re 0 an ang] 9 me t made me afraid1 afraid ( myself4 ,i want$ to kill1 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 go+ to kill1 ,i und]/ood easily h[ a man c kill4 ,9 my m9d 0 a vivid picture ( my bro!r's face--x 0 he1 n my p>5ts1 :o mov$ ) me4 ,b ,i 0 n excit$2 ice 0 9 me1 n fire4 ,some?+ else1 too1 at t mom5t 0 9 my ve9s1 a drug 444 a /rong dose1 too6 ,five m9utes be=e my entire be+ _h be5 9 a /ate ( utt] bliss1 ( radiant k9dness1 ( tol]ance1 ( *>ity to ev]ybody 9 ! _w4 ,i w\ld h giv5 away my la/ c5t1 ,i w\ld h =giv5 anybody any?+4 ,all ?is 0 swept away 9 an in/ant4 ,i felt a cold1 :ite ang] t want$ to kill4 ,boyde _h n he>d my foot/ep2 he lay s\nd asleep4 ,i tore ! blanket (f4 ,he lay half nak$ be=e me1 sleek1 well-n\ri%$1 ov]-f$1 loa?some1 horrible beyond any?+ ,i _h kn[n4 ,he turn$ ) a jump & sat up4 ,i held ! lett]s aga9/ 8 face1 b he 0 /ill daz$ ) sleep & only />$ /upidly1 fir/ at ! lett]s1 !n into my face4 ,i kick$ him2 ,i _h my boots on4 8,get up60 ,i said4 ,&1 z he got up1 r heavily1 try+ to protect himself1 ,i kick$ him aga9 & aga91 till at la/ he /ood upright1 b at "s di/ance f me1 ov] t[>ds ! w9d[4 ,he und]/ood by ?is "t2 he saw ! lett]s 9 my h&4 ,! t]ror 9 8 face sick5$ me ev5 9 my ang]4 ,i saw ! evil almo/ visibly leap out4 ,! unfamili>ity1 n[ t ! m\/a*e 0 gone1 ! cruelty ( ! nak$ lips & m\?1 ! %r9k+ ( ! c[>d 9 him1 ^! made an un=gettable picture4 ,he did n utt] a syllable4 ,my own utt]ance1 :at words ,i us$1 ,i _c rememb]4 ,i did n rememb] !m ev5 t5 m9utes aft]w>ds1 c]ta9ly n ! next day1 :5 ,i told ! doctor :at _h happ5$4 ,two s5t5ces only rema9 accurate3 8,come close to me4 ,i'm go+ to kill y10 & ! o!r3 8,get ready6 ,i'm go+ to beat y l an animal60 ,he /ood be=e me1 we>+ 8 %ort day-%irt )\t a coll>1 8 hair untidy1 8 face :ite1 8 half-nak$ body %ak+4 ,he dropp$ to 8 knees1 he got up aga9 & tri$ to hide1 he cr+$ & :9$ l a t]rifi$ dog1 8 blue eyes 7 gha/ly4 ,9 myself 7 feel+s ,i _h nev] dream$ ,i possess$1 b ^: evid5ce ,boyde mu/1 pla9ly1 h read 9 my expression4 ,:at he c\ld n read1 nor ev] knew ( c\rse1 0 ! fight1 ! fight ( t]ror1 ,i 0 hav+ ) myself4 ,i felt t once ,i t\*$ him ,i %\ld n /op till ,i _h gone too f>4 ,i did n t\* him once4 ,in/ead1 ,i told him to put on 8 clo!s1 8 own clo!s1 & g4 ,he _h no clo!s ( 8 own4 ,he did n g4444 ,i ev5tually let him wait till morn+1 :5 he c\ld f9d en\gh rags ( sorts to we> 9 ! /reet4444 ,he expla9$ t he _h %av$ 8 m\/a*e because ! ,rockaway ,hunt dem&$ x4 ,he _h said h>dly a ^w dur+ ! entire sc5e4 ,half an h\r aft] x 0 ov] he 0 sleep+ s\ndly aga94 ,i1 too1 ?anks to ! drug1 slept deeply4 ,i woke 9 ! morn+ to f9d ! mattress on ! floor unoccupi$4 ,boyde _h gone4 ,) him _h gone1 too1 my "o ?ick suit &1 9 addition1 e possible article ( pawnable or o!r value t _h be5 9 ! room or 9 ! pack+-case d[n/airs4 ,only ! razor & ! confession _h he left beh9d because !y 7 b5ea? my pill[4 ,! next "t we met 0 9 ev5 m pa9ful & dramatic circum/ances4 ,i decid$ x 0 "t to act4 ,i w5t d[n t same morn+ to police headqu>t]s 9 ,mulb]ry ,/reet1 & swore out a w>rant = 8 arre/ on two *>ges2 =g]y & petit l>c5y4 ,a !ft ( m ?an #be 0 gr& l>c5y1 a conviction1 ( c\rse1 c>ry+ heavi] puni%m5t4 ,i r$uc$ 8 !ft ( my #cb1 !re=e1 by sev5 doll>s1 s t1 if caught & convict$1 8 s5t5ce might be z %ort z possible4 ,b = ! fact t ,i 0 a report] on a ,tammany newspap]1 no?+ w\ld h happ5$4 ,z x 01 no bribe be+ available1 ! police refus$ to take any /eps 9 ! matt]4 ,! confession1 !y knew1 0 wor?less2 x 0 a small case2 no praise 9 ! press1 no adv]tisem5t1 lay 9 x4 8,f9d out :]e he is10 ,detective ,lawl] said1 8& let u "k4 ,j telephone & ,i'll come up & take him4 ,b y d ! hunt9'4 ,see8 ,i don't40 ,?is 0 ,detective ,lawl]1 :o1 "u ano!r "n came into a /ory ye>s lat]--8,max ,h5sig10 9 8,! ,li/5]40 ,! det]m9ation to put ,boyde :]e he c\ld no long] h>m himself or o!rs held z firm 9 me z1 =m]ly1 ! det]m9ation to =give _h held4 ,! hunt1 h[ev]1 comes a little lat] 9 ! /ory4 ,!re 0 fir/ ! explanation ( ! doctor's secret4 ,! doctor 0 my companion 9 ! dreadful hunt4 ,,*apt] ,,xx ,x 01 p]haps1 ! undige/$ horror ( ^? days1 z also _! unsatisfi$ ye>n+s aft] beauty1 t tri$ to f9d expression fifte5 ye>s lat] 9 writ+4 ,once !y 7 ov] ,i hid !m away1 ^? dreadful weeks1 try+ to =get !m4 ,b no?+ is ev] =gott51 nor is any?+ f9ally suppress$ 9 ! s5se t x is done )4 ,expression1 soon] or lat]1 9 "o =m or ano!r1 inevitably crops up4 8,writ+10 decl>$ ! old doctor1 aft] a talk ab\t ,de ,qu9cey1 8is functional40 ,he _h _m pet !ories or hobbies on :i* he lov$ to expatiate4 8,writ+ is z mu* a function ( ! sy/em z brea?+ or excretion4 ,:at ! body takes 9 & _c use1 x disc>ds4 ,:at ! m9d takes 9 & _c use1 x1 simil>ly1 excretes4 ,a s5sitive1 impressionable m9d receives an incessant bomb>dm5t1 (t5 an int5se1 t]rific bomb>dm5t ( impressions4 ,two-?irds ( su* impressions are nev] dige/$1 mu* less us$4 ,! arti/-temp]am5t ^: s5sitiv5ess accumulates a va/ /ore1 uses !m2 ! real arti/1 ( c\rse1 %apes !m at ! same "t4 ,! ord9>y man1 ! ,dutz5d ,m5s*1 made 9 bundles by ! doz51 gets few impressions1 & ne$s1 naturally1 no outlet4444 ,writ+ is purely functional44440 ,x 0 "o ( 8 num]\s pet !ories4 ,i w5t to 8 h\se n[ e night2 he gave me 8 pr(essional c>e1 he gave me sympa?y1 he gave me food4 ,pa!tic1 wond]ful old ,g]man6 ,8 t5d]ness 0 a woman's1 8 temp] a demon's4 ,i felt a giant 9 him some:]e4 ,at close daily qu>t]s 8 alt]nate moods p]plex$ me utt]ly4 ,he _h an ,iri% wife1 a k9d1 mo!rly1 b q un$ucat$ woman ( ab\t =ty-five1 & a little girl ( eight or n9e1 ^: :ite face look$ z old z h] "m's1 & ^: dim9utive figure seem$ to me unusual some:]e4 ,0 x n /unt$8 ,h] intellig5ce1 h] odd ways1 h] brilliant eyes captivat$ me4 ,%e call$ me 8,uncle ,di$el40 ,%e talk$1 l h] "m1 brok5 ,g]man4 ,supp]1 an extremely simple meal1 b a fea/ to me1 0 always 9 ! basem5t kit*54 ,! t9y wood5 h\se1 own+ some?+ ak9 to squatt]'s rights :i* prev5t$ its demolition1 /ood 9 ! next block to my own1 hemm$ 9 by 8br[n/one fronts10 b ) a m9iature g>d54 ,new ,york1 t burns an?racite coal1 has no blacks & smuts2 ! trees & %rubs 7 really gre52 ! e>? smelt sweet4 ,! little h\se1 /&+ back f ! road1 0 a p>adise to me4 ,its "o gr\nd-floor ap>tm5t 0 divid$ by fold+ doors into consult+- & wait+-rooms4 ,b no pati5ts came1 or came s r>ely t x 0 an ev5t :5 ! door-bell rang4 ,! doctor _h ! greate/ difficulty 9 keep+ himself & family alive4 ,at supp] ,i us$ to eat z little z possible4 ,he seem$ a compet5t physician4 ,i wond]$ greatly4 ,z well z real human k9dness1 !re 0 c\rage 9 t little build+2 !re 0 also a great trag$y ,i s5s$ long be=e ,i discov]$ its solution4 ,! /range innoc5ce & ignorance ( my up-br++ /ill clung to me4 ,! e/abli%m5t1 ! pov]ty1 ! alt]nat+ moods1 z ,i said1 puzzl$ me2 ,i 0 aw>e ( a :ole life hidd5 away f my obs]vation4 ,!y 7 s poor t d9n] 0 ! meal ( a workman1 !y c\ld n ev5 keep a s]vant4 ,!re 7 worry+ debts z well4 ,(t5 ! doctor 0 s be>i% & irritable t ,i d>$ n say a ^w1 8 wife got curses & abuse1 he w\ld almo/ kick ! *ild1 f9d+ fault ) su* sne]s & rud5ess t ,i v[$ to myself ,i w\ld nev] eat 8 food aga94 ,!n1 aft] a mom5t>y abs5ce 9 8 work%op up/airs1 :]e he kept a la! & made beautiful *essm51 he w\ld come sl[ly /umbl+ d[n aga91 & ! door w\ld op5 to a :olly diff]5t be+4 ,b5t1 z always1 b well pois$ & vigor\s1 ) bright smil+ eyes1 b5evol5t yet rugg$ face1 e ge/ure full ( g5tle k9dness1 he w\ld pat 8 old wife on ! %\ld] & take ! *ild ^u 8 knee1 & beg me to play ! fiddle to him or to draw my *air up = an intimate talk4 ,he w\ld light 8 great me]s*aum pipe & beam ^u ! _w ?r\gh ! blue smoke l "s old jolly idol4 ,! *ange seem$ miracul\s4 ,8 talk seem$1 at ! "t1 wond]ful to me4 ,he w\ld disc\rse on ,kant1 ,novalis1 ,he9e1 on music1 sci5ce1 a/ronomy--8:5 y\r tr\bles seem at _! wor/10 he w\ld say1 8look up at ! />s = half an h\r1 ) imag9ation1 & y'll see y\r tr\bles 9 a new p]spective0--on religion1 lit]ature & life1 on any?+ & ev]y?+1 :ile d[n/airs 8 k9dly old wife prep>$ ! ,frankfurt]s & sau]kraut & c(fee4 ,nei!r "m nor *ild1 ,i notic$1 paid mu* att5tion to 8 attacks4 ,! little girl1 :o call$ h] fa!r 8,otto10 sat up ) u night aft] night till two 9 ! morn+1 & hat$ go+ to b$4 ,%e li/5$ spellb\nd to ! /ream ( talk4 ,i /ill see ! d+y1 lamp-lit room 9 ! he>t ( ! ro>+ city1 ! :ite-hair$ old doctor1 pipe 9 m\?1 ! op]at+ *air 9 ! middle ( ! floor1 ! little pale-fac$ *ild ) h] odd expression ( maturity z %e look$ f him to me1 !n l$ me by ! h& to our late meal 9 ! gloomy basem5t4 ,i (t5 wait$ a*+ly = t meal1 hav+ eat5 no?+ s9ce breakfa/4 ,w\ld he nev] /op talk+4448 ,we talk$ ( ,boyde--8 face4 ,! doctor's read+ ( ,boyde's face 0 t x 0 a bad1 deceitful1 clev] face1 evil1 brutal & cruel4 ,i m5tion$ ! man's v>i\s acts ( k9dness4 8,bait10 he exclaim$1 ) a scornful snort1 8m]e bait6 ,he want$ a free lodg+4 ,he _h pl5ty ( money all along1 b ! free b$ gave him m--to sp5d on himself :ile y />v$40 ,he talk$ on ab\t faces4444 ,h&some ones he ei!r dislik$ or di/ru/$1 h&some features l ,boyde's 7 too (t5 a cloak t help$ to hide & deceive4 ,beh9d su* faces1 z a rule1 lay ei!r badness or vacuity2 good looks 7 ! mo/ mislead+ ?+ 9 ! _w4 ,expression r>ely accompani$ good looks1 good features4 ,he 0 (f on a pet hobby1 he wax$ eloqu5t4 ,beautiful wom5--he spoke ( good features *iefly--7 almo/ inv>iably wick$1 or else empty4 ,( 8,society ,beauties0 he 0 p>ticul>ly contemptu\s4 8,regul> features1 f9e eyes1 p]fect sk91 b no expression--no s\l )94 ,! de]-l eyes1 ! calm1 pr\d lovel9ess p rave ab\t is m]e vacancy4 ,pfui60 ,8 habit ( />+ into ! mirror came back to me1 & ,i v5tur$ a "q4 ,he hesitat$ a mom5t1 !n got up & l$ me to ! glass1 :]e1 )\t a ^w1 he began to gaze at 8 own reflection1 mak+ ! famili> grimaces1 smil+1 screw+ up 8 eyes1 /ret*+ 8 lips1 rais+ 8 eyebr[s1 pull+ 8 m\/a*e ab\t until1 at la/1 ,i bur/ into laught] ,i c\ld control no long]4 ,he turn$ 9 a/oni%m5t4 ,he exam9$ my own face closely = "s "t4 8,y are too "y /ill10 he said4 8,y h no l9es4 ,9 my face1 y see1 lies all my pa/1 lay] bel[ lay]1 sk9 beh9d sk91 my face ( middle age1 ( e>ly manhood1 ( y\?1 ( *ildhood4 ,x c>ries me "r back40 ,he began %[+ me aga91 po9t+ to 8 reflection z he did s4 8,t's middle age 444 t's y\?4444 ,a*6 & !re's ! boy's face1 look60 ,i did n d>e to look1 = explosions ( laught] 7 9 my ?roat1 & ,i %\ld h hurt 8 feel+s dreadfully4 ,i und]/ood :at he meant1 h[ev]4 8,) ! face ( ea* p]iod10 he expla9$1 8rise ! memories1 feel+s & emotions ( t p>ticul> p]iod1 its po9t ( view1 its fe>s1 ambitions--hopes4 ,i live aga9 mom5t>ily 9 x4 ,i am a "y man aga91 a boy1 a *ild4 ,i am1 at any rate1 no long] myself--z ,i n[ am40 ,! way he spoke ^! f\r words 0 v grave & sad4 8,n[10 he w5t on ) a sigh1 8y und]/& ! *>m ( ! mirror4 ,x means escape f self4 ,?is is ! ultimate tea*+ ( all religion--to escape f ,self40 ,he *uckl$4 8,! mirror is my ,religion40 ,dur+ ?is odd little sc5e ,i felt clos] to 8 secret ?an ev] be=e4 ,!re 0 some?+ f9e & lovely 9 him1 some?+ big1 b x lay 9 ru9s4 ,_h my attitude be5 a little diff]5t1 _h ,i n laugh$ = in/ance1 ,i ?9k he w\ld h tak5 me into 8 confid5ce !re & !n4 ,b ! opportunity 0 lo/ ?is "t4 ,he ask$1 in/ead1 = music1 old1 simple ,g]man songs be+ :at he lik$ mo/4 ,he w\ld lean back 9 8 big *air1 puff 8 great pipe1 close 8 eyes1 & hum ! melodies s(tly to himself :ile ,i play$4 ,x 0 easy to vamp a sort ( accompanim5t ) d\ble /opp+4 ,he dream$ ( old days1 ,i suppose2 x 0 a v>iant ( ! mirror game4 ,ts*aik[sky1 ,mey]-,helmund1 ,mass5et he also lik$1 b x 0 ,s*ub]t1 ,s*umann1 ev5 ,m5delssohn he always humm$ to4 ,( 8,i* grolle-ni*t1 au* w5n das ,h]z mir bri*t10 he nev] tir$4 ,! little *ild w\ld d>t up f ! basem5t at ! fir/ s\nd ( ! fiddle1 %[ h] old1 :ite face at ! door1 !n creep 91 sit 9 a corn]1 & nev] take h] eyes f 8! or*e/ra40 ,:5 x /opp$ play+1 %e 0 (f aga9 9 a second4 ,"o item1 :ile speak+ ( ! music1 /&s out--*ant+ to ! fiddle a c]ta9 passage f ,de ,qu9cey4 ,! 8,confessions0 fasc9at$ him2 ! description ( ! privations 9 ,london1 ! sc5es ) ,anne :5 %e fir/ br\ght him out ( h] scanty money ! reviv+ glass ( port1 h] abrupt disappe>ance f9ally & 8 pa!tic fai?ful se>*1 ! lonely h\rs 9 ! empty h\se 9 ,greek ,/reet1 b p>ticul>ly 8 prolong$ fight aga9/ ! drug4 ,x 0 ! ,invocation to ,opium1 a passage ( haunt+ beauty1 h[ev]1 he lov$ s mu* t he *ant$ x ov] & ov] to himself4 ,! fir/ "t he did ?is ,i inv5t$ a s(t runn+ accompanim5t on ! l[] /r+s1 us+ d\ble /opp+4 ,! mute 0 on4 ,my voice add$ ! bass4 ,x 0 a curi\s composition ( :i* he nev] tir$2 x mov$ him v deeply2 ,i h ev5 se5 te>s trickl+ d[n 8 *eeks :5 x 0 ov]4 ,he always left 8 *air = ?is p]=mance1 walk+ sl[ly to & fro :ile he *ant$ ! rhy?mical1 sonor\s s5t5ces3 8,o j1 subtle & mighty opium6 t1 to ! he>ts ( ri* & poor alike1 = ! w\nds t w nev] heal1 & = ! pangs ( grief t tempt ! _s to rebel1 br+e/ an assuag+ balm2--eloqu5t opium6 t ) ?y pot5t rhetoric /eale/ away ! purposes ( wra?4444 ,?\ builde/ ^u ! bosom ( d>kness1 out ( ! fanta/ic imag]y ( ! bra91 cities & temples1 beyond ! art ( ,phidias & ,praxiteles1 beyond ! spl5d\rs ( ,babylon & ,hekatompylos2 444 & ha/ ! keys ( ,p>adise1 ,o j1 subtle & mighty opium44460 8,a*6 wie pra*tvoll60 he w\ld cry a mom5t lat]1 8wie wund]s*o560 & !n w\ld recite a translation he _h made into 8 own tongue1 & a v f9e "o too4 ,q delight$1 he w\ld repeat ! passage ov] & ov] aga91 paus+ to comp>e ! two v]sions1 fix+ me ) 8 big eyes 9 ord] to increase 8 own pleasure 9 ! music by witness+ ! evid5ce ( my own4 ,truly he 0 a ,jekyll & ,hyde4 ,x 0 only dur+ ! ,jekyll mood ?is k9d ( sc5e took place2 9 ! ,jekyll happy hum\r1 too1 t ,i _h told him ab\t my /range up-br++4 8,n[ ,i und]/& bett]10 he said1 8:y y are /ill s "y & "k s little ( life1 & :y y are s fooli%ly good to ,boyde0--:i* annoy$ me1 because ,i consid]$ myself n[ q old & a ?or\gh man ( ! _w z well4 ,x 0 9 ?is mood1 too1 t we discuss$ my own !ories & beliefs 444 a life 9 ! woods z well4 ,kay1 himself & 8 family1 ,boyde & ,i 7 to settle 9 ! backwoods 444 p]haps ,i 0 z eloqu5t z ,i 0 e>ne/2 he li/5$ att5tively2 sometimes he seem$ almo/ ready to cons5t2 he und]/ood1 at any rate1 ! deep spell t ,nature _h = me4 ,b he only smil$ :5 ,i said ,i 0 a failure & an outca/4 ,my life _h h>dly begun yet6 ,no man 0 a failure :o _h an object & work$ = x1 ev5 ?\gh he nev] got )9 miles ( accompli%m5t4 8,a life = a man is a life among m510 he w\ld say ) emphasis4 8,! woods are all "r z an int]lude1 b n z a c>e]40 ,he 0 v sympa!tic1 b he %ook 8 head viol5tly4 8,9 action lies a man's safety 9 life10 he gr[l$ at me4 8,! _w ne$s m5 ( action1 n dream]s10 he repeat$ & repeat$1 8& ,buddhism has nev] yet produc$ a man ( action4 ,d some?+1 ev5 if x prove ! wrong ?+4 ,dream+1 )\t action1 is ! quicke/ way ( self-corruption ,i "k40 ,& he w\ld !n urge me aga9 to become a doctor1 aft] :i* he w\ld proce$ to dream himself = an h\r or two 444 %[+ t all 8 life he _h be5 f> m ( a dream] ?an a man ( action4444 ,x 0 *ance t sudd5ly l$ me into ! doctor's secret4 ,he became = me1 f t mom5t1 ! mo/ pa!tic & tragic ( human be+s4 ,my own tr\bles seem$ insignificant4 ,"o aft]noon e>ly 9 ,decemb]1 gloomy1 v cold1 a /udio appo9tm5t fail$1 & ,i decid$ to g to ! wood5 h\se4 ,x 0 t or ! public libr>y1 b ,i want$ a talk1 ,i want$ also to get really w>m4 ,i _h no ov]coat2 ! doctor's room 0 always l an ov54 ,! v]m9 ,i _h gr[n accu/om$ to & h>dly notic$ !m4 ,an idea ( food1 too1 0 9 my m9d1 = ! free lun* glass ( be] & salt *ip-potatoes 0 all ,i _h eat5 s9ce breakfa/4 ,sev5 o'clock1 h[ev]1 0 my usual h\r ( visit1 ,i _h nev] be5 9 ! aft]noon be=e4 ,a memorable visit2 we 7 alone2 he told me 8 secret v quietly4 ,i f\nd him 9 8 mo/ awful mood1 rude1 8 n]ves unbe>ably on edge4 ,he said he _h n expect$ me1 b :5 ,i tri$ to g1 he became angry & begg$ me to /ay1 say+ t ,i help$ him m ?an ,i c\ld ev] "k4 ,_h ,i br\ght ! fiddle8 ,i said ,i w\ld run up ! /reet & get x4 8,no10 he implor$1 8don't g n[4 ,y c g lat]--be=e supp]4 ,please d n leave me--please60 ,he !n said he w\ld tell me some?+ no "o else knew1 no "o except 8 wife4 ,i wond]$ :at 0 com+1 & felt /rangely t\*$ & mov$ at 8 treat+ me ) su* confid5ce4 ,8 mann] 0 s pa!tic1 & he seem$ sudd5ly to h become weak & helpless1 & someh[ or o!r x 0 9 my p[] to d him a s]vice4 ,i 0 ?rill$ & full ( expectation4 ,b1 be=e he began to tell me1 he w5t up to a little cab9et ) a glass door & took out a small bottle full ( a :ite p[d]1 be>+ ! ^w1 ! magical ^w 8,maj5die0--a ^w ,i c nev] =get z long z ,i live--& took "s ( ! p[d] & made a solution & !n suck$ "s ( x up ) a ne$le & turn$ to me4 ,8 face 0 swoll5 & look$ t]rible1 = ! eyes gl[$ s hotly1 & ! sk9 0 s r$ & :ite 9 pat*es4 ,!n he began to op5 8 wai/coat & %irt till 8 *e/ 0 b>e4 8,look10 he said1 = ,i half mov$ aside1 & :5 ,i look$ ,i saw he 0 cov]$ ) hundr$s ( small r$ sores4 ,evid5tly my face betray$ %r9k+ & horror1 = ! old man laugh$ & said 8,oh1 ,i'm n a lep]4 ,!y're only bli/]s10 & !n f9d+ a little cle> space on 8 sk91 put ! ne$le ( 8 syr+e ?r\gh ! fle% & inject$ ! fluid into 8 body4 ,he next quickly put 8 f+] ov] ! spot & rubb$ to & fro = ab\t a m9ute1 />+ /eadily at me :ile he did s4 8,t's morph9e10 he said 9 a dead voice1 8& ! rubb+ is necess>y to prev5t a bli/] =m+40 ,i knew no?+ ab\t morph9e except ! "n1 & ,i 0 disappo9t$ r ?an ?rill$1 b ! next m9ute he gave me all ! ?rill ,i want$1 & m besides3 8,i've be5 fight+ x = two ye>s10 he said quietly 9 ,g]man1 /ill rubb+ ! spot & />+ h>d at me1 8& ,i am sl[ly gett+ ! bett] ( x4 ,if ,i don't succe$1 x means ,i die40 ,a cold grim smile t made me %udd] /ole ov] 8 swoll5 face4 8,dea?10 he add$4 ,i felt 8 despair1 ! despair ( d\bt1 z he said ?is1 & 9 8 eyes blaz$ sudd5ly all ! suppress$ dep?s ( suff]+ & emotion t he usually kept hidd54 ,su* a flood ( sympa?y = ! old man rose 9 me t ,i did n "k :at to say4 ,( drugs & _! p[] ,i knew no?+4 ,i /ood & />$ 9 sil5ce1 b 8 voice & mann] made me realize "o ?+3 t "h 0 an awful battle1 a /ruggle betwe5 human c\rage1 w & endurance1 on ! "o h&1 & "s trem5d\s p[] on ! o!r--a /ruggle to ! dea?4 ,! ^w 8morph9e0 seem$ to me "s sort ( demon4 ,he sat d[n 9 8 arm*air1 lit 8 pipe1 pull$ up ! op]at+ *air = me to lie on beside him1 & !n told me v quietly :y he took x4 ,already 8 face look$ diff]5t1 z ! morph9e circulat$ ?r\gh ! blood1 & he smil$ & wore a g5ial happy air ( b5evol5ce t made him at once a diff]5t man4 8,i %all h peace n[ = sev]al h\rs10 he said1 8b ,i don't take morph9e = pleasure4 ,i take x because x is ! only way to keep myself alive & to keep my wife & *ild f />v+4 ,if ,i c gradually wean myself f x ,i %all live = ye>s4 ,if n1 & ,i _c make ! dose less & less1 x w kill me v soon4 ,i am old1 y see40 ,he told me v simply1 b v graphically1 speak+ 9 ,g]man z he lov$ to d1 t ?ree ye>s ago he _h enjoy$ a good & lucrative practice4 ,b he _h emb>k$ ^u "s exp]im5ts 9 8 leg--,i nev] und]/ood exactly :at & did n d>e to ask--& to obs]ve ^! prop]ly he 0 oblig$ to use ! knife )\t tak+ any an/hetic4 ,8 wife /ood beside him & /aun*$ ! blood1 b ! pa9 & %ock prov$ m ?an he 0 equal to1 be+ an old man1 & a collapse foll[$4 ,all 8 pati5ts left him1 = he c\ld n att5d to !m1 & 9 ord] to be 9 a fit condition to see ev5 *ance call]s he _h to inject morph9e4 ,?us ! habit began1 & be=e he knew :]e he 0 ! ?+ _h him by ! ?roat4 ,he 0 a man ( great natural /r5g? ( w & he began to /op x1 b ! fight 0 f> h>d] ?an he _h imag9$1 & 8 n]ves seem$ to h gone to pieces4 ,unless he _h ! support ( a dose1 he 0 s brutal1 irritable & rude t no "o c\ld /ay 9 8 pres5ce1 & no pati5t w\ld come ne> him4 ,he nev] got 8 practice back aga91 & :5ev] a /ray pati5t call$ n[ he _h to take an injection1 or he w\ld be sure to behave 9 su* a way t ! man or woman w\ld nev] return4 ,he us$ atrop9e to mix ) 8 morph9e1 & ?us tri$ gradually to cure himself1 & lately _h succe$$ 9 r$uc+ ! quantity v consid]ably1 b x 0 an awful fight1 & he admitt$ ! end 0 unc]ta94 ,he said ,i help$ him to be> ! /ra94 ,my pres5ce1 he said1 ! music too1 gave him "s sort ( com=t & /r5g?1 & he 0 always glad to see me4 ,:5 ,i 0 !re he c\ld hold out long] ?an :5 he 0 alone1 & "o reason he 0 tell+ me all ?is intimate hi/ory--tell+ x to a comp>ative /rang]--0 because he wi%$ me to try & help him m4 ,i /amm]$ "s words 9 brok5 ,g]man ab\t be+ eag] & will+ to help1 & he smil$ & said he ?ank$ me & 8we w\ld make ! fight toge!r40 8,! *>m is v p[]ful10 he w5t on1 8especially to a nature l m9e1 = :5 ,i take ?is /uff ! _w becomes full ( wond] & my/]y aga91 j z x 0 = me sixty ye>s ago :5 ,i 0 a boy ) burn+ hopes & high dreams4 ,b f> m ?an t1 ,i believe 9 p aga94 ,t makes m diff]5ce 9 y\r life ?an any?+ else1 = to lose fai? 9 m5 makes life unbe>able4 ,bitt] exp]i5ces h %ak5 my tru/ & belief 9 my fell[ creatures4 ,b ) ?is /uff 9 me ,i f9d x aga9 & feel at peace ) ! _w40 8,t is :y y sometimes approve & at o!r times disapprove ( my attitude t[>ds ,boyde80 8,yes10 he said1 ) a mo/ b5ign & delightful expression 9 8 eyes4 8,give him e *ance4 ,!re's lots ( good 9 him4 ,he feels1 no d\bt1 t ev]yone :o kn[s ab\t him di/ru/s him4 ,weak m5 w always try m or less to live up to :at is expect$ ( !m1 = !y are easily hypnotis$4 ,if !y feel e "o expects only evil f !m _! *ief inc5tive is lo/40 8,!n ,i ought nev] to let him ?9k ,i've lo/ belief 9 him80 8,nev]4 ,fright5 him1 kick him1 urge him along ) viol5ce1 any?+ to make him move ( himself t[>ds be+ dec5t2 b nev] sugge/ he _c be1 & is n1 dec5t & /raight40 ,h[ we talk$ t night--& h[ ,i suff]$ f hung]1 = :5 morph9e 0 9 him ! old doctor ate little1 & ?is "t he 0 full ( ideas & ideals1 & _h s sympa!tic a li/5]1 t he =got ,i might want food1 & x 0 n till aft] "o 9 ! morn+ t he began to flag & ?\ght ( c(fee4 ,we w5t d[n into ! kit*51 & !re we f\nd ! pati5t wife doz+ on ! wood5 *air1 & ! *ild read+ a book--8,und9e0--on ! deal table1 ) h] eyes s bright ,i ?\ght !y 7 go+ to %oot out flame4 ,%e look$ up & />$ at u = a long "t be=e %e got h]self back f t en*ant$ region ( woods & pools & moonlight4444 ,/range supp] p>ties !y 71 9 t quiet1 basem5t-kit*5 betwe5 "o & two ( ! w9t] morn+s ( ,decemb]1 #ahib4444 ,otto ,huebn]1 hav+ brok5 ! ice1 told me mu* ( 8 own life !n4 ,ow+ to family disputes he left ! manufactur+ t[n 9 ,nor!rn ,g]many :]e he 0 born & br\ght up1 & came to ,new ,york z a "y man4 ,he nev] saw 8 p>5ts aga91 & took out naturalization pap]s at once4 ,= ye>s he 0 employ$ by ,/e9way's piano factory1 z a common workman at fir/1 !n z a skill$ man4 ,he 0 unm>ri$1 he sav$ money1 he began to /udy at night2 ! passion = m$ic9e 0 s /rong 9 him t he made up 8 m9d to become a doctor4 ,he att5d$ lectures :5 he c\ld4 ,x 0 a life ( slav]y1 ( incessant toil bo? day & night4 ,he 0 ov] =ty :5 he began /udy+ = ! exam9ations1 & x took him sev5 ye>s to atta9 8 end4 ,8 heal? _h suff]$ dur+ ?is /r5u\s "t4 ,he _h m>ri$ well aft] fifty4444 ,de>1 lovable1 mu*-to-be-piti$ old man1 my he>t w5t out to him2 ,i 0 det]m9$ to d ev]y?+ ,i c\ld to help4 ,i ow$ him mu* = c\nsel1 sympa?y & k9dness1 to say no?+ ( m$ical att5dance & food besides1 at a "t1 too1 :5 ,i believ$ myself a complete failure & ?\ght my life 0 ru9$4 ,engl&1 my family1 all t ,i _h be5 accu/om$ to seem$ utt]ly remote2 ,i _h cut myself (f2 ,i _h tumbl$ into q ano!r _w1 & ! only fri5d ,i _h1 ! only be+ ,i tru/$1 ev5 lov$ z well1 0 ! old ,g]man morph9e victim4 ,mean:ile1 x _h be5 v wond]ful to me to see an irritable1 savage old man *ange 9 a few m9utes into a k9dly1 g5ial1 t5d]-he>t$ be+1 & ,i began to feel an absorb+ curiosity ab\t ?is f9e :ite p[d] labell$ 8,maj5die40 ,i inv>iably n[ rubb$ 9 ! dose1 f9d+ ) increas+ difficulty a cle> space ( sk9 9 ! poor worn old body4 ,i wat*$ ! *ange /eal ov] him4 ,x seem$ to me pure magic4 ,x began m & m to fasc9ate me4 ,,*apt] ,,xxi ,a few days aft] ! doctor's secret _h be5 laid b>e ,i receiv$ a brief1 curt lett] f ,mc,cloy to say he c\ld n keep my place op5 = ev]2 h[ soon 0 ,i com+ back8 ,six weeks _h pass$ already4 ,! doctor conv9c$ me ,i 0 n yet 9 a condition to face t5 h\rs' h>d report+ a day4 ,i answ]$ ,mc,cloy z be/ ,i c\ld1 ?ank+ him1 & tell+ ! facts4 ,dr4 ,huebn] also wrote him a l9e4 ,i 0 di/ress$ & anxi\s1 none ! less1 & t ev5+ ,i 0 c]ta9ly n at my be/4 ,i gave ! old man b little help4 ,8 me?od ( us+ me 0 simple3 if ,i c\ld manage to int]e/ him1 by talk1 by music1 by books1 by any?+ at all1 x enabl$ him to po/pone ! h\r ( injection4 ,ea* "t we tri$ to make ?is int]val long]2 ea* "t1 he told me1 he took a small] quantity4 ,on ?is p>ticul> ev5+1 hungry & depress$ z ,i 01 ,i fail$ to be 8int]e/+10 & no =c$ attempt c\ld make me s4 ,my own condition1 9 any case1 0 pretty l[2 my fri5d's dejection & excessive irritability prov$ ! la/ /raw4 ,we disagre$1 we hurt ea* o!r's feel+s a little1 ,i relaps$ into sil5ce f9ally1 ! gloom 0 dreadful4 ,my own tr\bles j !n 7 upp]mo/ 9 my m9d4 ,if ,i lo/ my job1 ,i kept ?9k+1 :at on e>? w\ld happ5 to me8444 ,! old man pres5tly1 & long be=e 8 "t1 got up 9 sil5ce & w5t to ! glass cab9et :]e n[ ! ,maj5die bottle /ood4 ,he no long] kept x 9 8 work%op out ( sight4 ,8 face 0 black z ?und]4 ,consci5ce prick$ me2 ,i r\s$ myself1 say+ some?+ by way ( try+ to prev5t1 :]eupon he turn$ & said savagely3 8,d y want to see me die8 ,or lose my reason80 ,z already m5tion$1 ,i 0 totally ignorant ( drugs & _! effect4 ,8 words1 :i* ,i took lit]ally1 fright5$ me4 ,i wat*$ him mix ! solution1 fill 8 syr+e sl[ly ) %ak+ h&s1 !n unfa/5 8 clo!s4 ,i f\nd ! place & rubb$ ! sk9 z usual1 :ile he sat back 9 8 big *air1 9 sull5 sil5ce4 ,he drew ! ne$le out2 8 face 0 awful2 he sigh$ & groan$2 ,i really ?\ght he 0 go+ to collapse be=e my eyes1 p]haps to die4 ,i rubb$ & rubb$ 444 :ile ! magical *ange /ole sl[ly ov] him4 ,8 face cle>$1 8 smile came back1 he look$ y\ng]1 8 v voice became mell[ in/ead ( h>% & r\gh1 8 eyes lit up ) happ9ess4 ,! contra/ 0 a/oni%+1 ! effect s rapid4 ,&1 = ! fir/ "t1 a long+ rose 9 me3 if only ,i c\ld h "s ( ?is bewit*+ panacea6 ,my tr\bles w\ld all melt away4 ,i %\ld feel happy4 ,hung] also w\ld disappe>4 ,0 x s t]rible & dang]\s aft] all8 ,! ?\ght w5t ?r\gh me l a burn+ flame4 ,x 0 a ?\ght1 m]ely4 ,i _h no int5tion ( ask+1 n ev5 ( sugge/+1 su* a ?+4 ,i w\ld n h d>$ to2 ! old man1 ,i knew1 besides1 w\ld nev]1 nev] cons5t2 8 ob/9acy 0 beyond any p[] ( m9e to modify4 ,none ! less1 ! ?\ght & desire 7 di/9ctly 9 me at t mom5t4 ,x ev5 cross$ my m9d t he 0 selfi%1 inconsid]ate1 unk9d1 n to realize t a little1 oh1 j a t9y dose1 w\ld help me & make me happy too4 ,! *ange 9 him 0 n[ complete1 he settl$ back 9 8 deep *air4 ,i he>d him ask+ = ! fiddle4 ,i rememb] ! ef=t x co/ me to say some?+ ab\t be+ ready to try1 & h[ ,i conceal$ my sulky face z ,i cross$ ! room to op5 my case4 ,i felt disappo9t$1 r sore1 a trifle angry too2 he c\ld s easily op5 ! gates ( heav5 = me4 ,i fumbl$ ) ! case1 delay+ on purpose1 = no music lay 9 me1 & ,i did n want to play1 ,i felt mis]able all ov]4 ,my back 0 turn$ to him4 ,& !n ,i he>d my "n s(tly spok5 close beh9d me4 ,i turn$ ) a />t1 x 0 ! doctor's voice1 its peculi> s(tness /ruck me4 ,he 0 com+ sl[ly across ! room1 a curi\s smile on 8 face1 pe]+ at me ov] ! top ( 8 spectacles1 ! %\ld]s b5t =w>d a little1 8 gait sl\*+1 8 slipp]s dragg+ along ! c>pet1 8 :ite hair tumbl+ ab\t 8 =ehead1 mov+ sl[ly at me--& 9 8 rais$ "r h& 0 a ne$le pois$ to /rike4 ,i knew :at x meant3 he 0 go+ to give me morphia )\t ev5 be+ ask$4 ,a que] revulsion ( feel+ came ov] me4 ,he 0 say+ some?+1 b ,i did n he> ! words prop]ly1 nor und]/& !m1 at any rate2 8 voice1 too1 0 s l[ & s(t4 ,my bra9 0 9 a :irl4 ,some?+ 9 ! old man's appe>ance fright5$ me4 ,! idea ( ! drug n[ also fright5$ me4 ,!n1 sudd5ly1 a complete recklessness ru%$ ov] me4 8,take (f y\r coat10 ,i he>d him say4 8,& n[ roll y\r sleeve up4 ,s6 ,nun1 jetzt0--he gaz$ h>d into my eyes--8ab]--nur--ausnahmsweise60 ,) sl[ e>ne/ emphasis he repeat$ ! words3 8,z an exception--only60 ,i wat*$ him *oose ! place on my arm1 ,i wat*$ ! ne$le g 9 ) its little prick1 ,i wat*$ him sl[ly press ! small pi/on t inject$ ! poison into my blood4 ,he1 = 8 "p1 nev] once mov$ 8 eyes f m9e till ! op]ation 0 end$1 & my coat 0 on aga94 ,he wore t curi\s smile ! :ole "t4 8,y ne$$ x to-night10 he said1 8j a little1 a v weak dose--ab]--nur--ausnahmsweise60 ,he walk$ ov] & put ! little ,maj5die phial back ^u ! %elf4 ,!n he fill$ 8 pipe & drew up ! op]at+ *air = me to lie on4 ,8 eye 0 con/antly on me4 ,! music 0 =gott54 ,he want$ to talk4 ,:e!r he _h done ?is ?+ really to give me a little happ9ess1 or :e!r 8 idea 0 to make me 8int]e/+0 = 8 own sake1 ,i d n "k4 ,! fact is t )9 ?ree m9utes ( ! ne$le's prick ,i 0 9 a /ate ( absolute bliss4 ,a little w>m s5sation1 accompani$ by ! fa9te/ possible sugge/ion ( nausea :i* 0 probably my own imag9ation1 pass$ up ! sp9e into ! head4 ,some?+ cle>$ 9 my bra91 !n bur/4 ,a s5se ( ?aw+ foll[$1 ! melt+ away ( all ! ?+s t _h be5 mak+ me unhappy4 ,i began to gl[ all ov]4 ,hope1 happ9ess & a gorge\s confid5ce fl[$ 92 b5evol5ce1 en?usiasm1 *>ity flood$ me to ! brim4 ,i want$ to =give ,boyde ev]y?+ to ! end ( "t1 sacrifice my entire life to cure my old ,g]man fri5d2 ev]y?+ base1 unwor?y1 sordid 9 me1 x seem$1 _h dropp$ away4444 ,! exp]i5ce is too well-kn[n to be> ano!r description2 x v>ies1 ( c\rse1 ) individuals2 v>ies1 too1 accord+ to ! /ate ( heal? or sickness1 accord+ to :e!r x is ne$$ or n really ne$$2 & :ile "s feel :at ,i felt1 o!rs m]ely sleep1 or1 on ! contr>y1 _c sleep at all4 ,! /r5g? ( ! dose1 naturally1 is also an important item4 ,individual reactions1 anyh[1 are v diff]5t1 & ) ,kay1 to :om lat] ! doctor gave x too1 ?ree doses produc$ no effect :atev]1 :ile ! f\r? br\ght on ! cumulative result ( all f\r at once1 s t we _h to walk him up & d[n1 p\r+ /rong black c(fee d[n 8 unwill+ ?roat1 urg+ him viol5tly n to sleep--! only ?+ he want$ to d--or he w\ld1 old ,huebn] assur$ him--nev] wake aga94444 ,9 my case1 at any rate1 wa/$ physically z ,i 01 empty ( food1 "u-n\ri%$ = _m weeks1 bel[ p> be+ a mild description ( my body1 ! result seem$ a radiance t t\*$ ec/asy4 ,x 01 ( c\rse1 an int5sification ( consci\sness4 ,su* int5sification1 ,i well knew1 c\ld be produc$ by bett] if m difficult ways1 ways t caus$ no reaction1 ways t con/ruct$ in/ead ( de/roy$ 444 & ! fir/ pleasure ,i d]iv$ f my exp]i5ce1 ! int]e/ t fir/ /irr$ fla%+ly & at once ?r\gh my cle>$ m9d1 0 ! absolute conviction t ! tea*+ & !ories 9 my books 7 true4444 ,! doctor sat1 smil+ at me f 8 *air4 8,i w\ld n d ?is = _m10 he said 9 ,g]man1 8b = y x has no dang]4 ,y c\ld /op any?+4 ,y h real w40 ,aft] a pause he add$3 8,n[ we are happy2 we are bo? happy4 ,let u dream )\t ?9k+4 ,let u realize our happ9ess64440 ,! h\rs pass$ :ile we talk$1 & my hung] 0 =gott54 ,i only want$ "o ?+ to complete my happ9ess--,i want$ ,kay1 ,i want$ ,boyde1 & ,i want$ "o figure f across ! sea1 my bro!r4 ,_h ^! ?ree come to jo9 ! circle 9 t d+y consult+-room1 my heav51 x seem$ to me1 w\ld h be5 made p]fect4444 ,! pass+ ( "t 0 n m>k$4 ,i play$ ! fiddle1 & we *ant$ ! old man's fav\rite passage3 8,o j1 subtle & mighty opium60 444 its full mean+1 ) ! appeal x held1 n[ all expla9$ to me at la/4 ,z ,i laid ! in/rum5t d[n1 ,i saw ! :ite face ( ! little girl j inside ! half-op5$ door4 ,%e caught my eye1 ran up to me1 & climb$ ^u my knee4 8,oh1 ,uncle ,di$el10 %e cri$1 8h[ big y\r eyes are6 ,i d believe ,otto has giv5 y "s ( 8 ,maj5die m$ic9e4 ,are y go+ to die1 too1 unless y h x80 ,no?+1 x seem$1 0 hidd5 f ! cle> vision t lay 9 me !n2 ! appall+ tru? fla%$ into me on ! in/ant4 ,! little1 /unt$ figure1 ! old expression 9 ! pallid *ild-face1 ! :it5ess ( ! sk91 ! brilliant eyes1 all 7 due to ! same "o ?+4 ,did ! doctor1 h] own fa!r1 give h] ! ne$le too8 ,x 0 on ?is occasion1 ?is night ( my fir/ exp]i5ce ) morph9e1 t ,i f\nd my lett]s ) ! /amps torn (f4 ,i rea*$ home1 z describ$1 ab\t two 9 ! morn+1 /ill 9 a /ate ( bliss1 al?\gh ! effect ( ! drug 0 wan+ a little !n4 ,b !re 0 happ9ess1 affection1 =giv5ess & *>ity 9 my he>t1 ,i ?\ght4 ,?is describes my feel+s ( ! mom5t c]ta9ly4 ,h[ !y 7 swept away has be5 already told4 ,s mu* = ! pseudo-exaltation ( ! drug6 ,&1 :ile on ?is subject1 ! "p play$ by ! drug 9 ?is p>ticul> little scrap ( hi/ory may z well be told briefly at once & done )4 ,! sugge/ion t ,i c\ld 8/op any?+10 comb9$ ) my own desire1 0 pot5t4 ,!re 0 ano!r way 9 :i* ! insidi\s poison+ also work$3 ,i became s 8int]e/+10 & ent]ta9$ ! old doctor s successfully1 t he f\nd himself able to d )\t 8 own dose4 ,! /]n injunction 8nur ausnahmsweise0 0 =gott54 ,)\t ! /uff 9 my blood ,i 0 gloomy1 /upid1 dull2 ) x1 ,i became alive & help$ him4 ,b ! heada*e & depression1 ! nausea1 ! black ultimate dejection ( ! 8day aft]0 c\ld be remov$ by "o ?+ only4 ,no?+ else _h ! slighte/ effect1 & only ano!r dose c\ld bani% ^! aft]-effects--a /rong] dose4 ,:ile ! old man 0 soon able to r$uce n only ! quantity he took1 b ! numb] ( injections z well1 my own dose1 to produce ! desir$ effect1 _h to be d\bl$4 ,e night = f\r weeks t ne$le prick$ me4 ,9 my next inc>nation--if x takes place--,i %all /ill see ! ,g]man doctor sl\*+ across ! room at me ) ! load$ syr+e 9 8 pois$ h&1 & ! /range look 9 8 eyes4 ,x seems an in]adicable memory4444 ,by ! end ( ! f\r weeks1 ,i 0 work+ aga9 on ! newspap]2 my visits to ! wood5 h\se ,i cut d[n to two a week1 !n "o a week4 ,x 0 a poignant bus9ess4 ,he ne$$ me4 ,desire = ! 8balm t assuag$10 desire to help ! fri5d :o 0 sl[ly dy+1 desire to save myself f obvi\s de/ruction1 ^! tugg$ & tore me diff]5t ways4 ,= ! full /ory ,i %\ld h to write ano!r book4444 ,?ree ?+s sav$ me1 ,i ?9k--9 ! ord] ( _! value3 my books & beliefs2 ,nature--my ,sundays 9 ,bronx ,p>k or ! woods ( ! ,palisades 9 ,new ,j]sey2 &1 la/ly1 ! p[] ( ! doctor's own sugge/ion1 8y c\ld /op any?+60444 ,:5 ,may came1 ) h] wond] & h] magic1 ,i 0 free aga91 s free t ,i c\ld play ! fiddle & talk to ! old man by ! h\r1 & feel ev5 no desire = ! drug4 ,nor has ! desire ev] return$ to me f t day to ?is4 ,an exp]im5t ) has*is*1 a good deal lat]1 an acc\nt ( :i* ,i wrote = my pap] at ! "t1 _h no 8desire0 9 x4 ,fooli% & dang]\s ?\gh ! exp]im5t 01 ( c\rse1 ! cannabis indica 0 n tak5 = indulg5ce1 nor to br+ a false tempor>y happ9ess into a life ,i loa!d4 ,i did x to e>n a little extra money2 ,kay did x ) me2 ?ree times 9 all we took x4 ,"s ( ! effects ,i tri$ to describe ye>s lat] 9 ! fir/ /ory ( a book1 8,john ,sil5ce40 ,my decision1 ) ! /eps ,i _h tak51 to arre/ ,boyde1 ,i told to ! doctor on ! aft]noon foll[+ ! discov]y ( 8 trea*]y ) my lett]s4 ,he approv$4 ,?is "t ev5 8 ,jekyll p]sonality approv$4 8,y'll nev] cat* him ?\gh10 he gr[l$4 8,he's too clev] = y4 ,he'll he> ab\t ! w>rant & be out ( ! ,/ate 9 a day1 if n out ( ! c\ntry4 ,9 ,canada !y c't t\* him4 ,besides1 ! police won't /ir a f+]4 ,oh1 y'll nev] cat* him40 ,i felt o!rwise1 h[ev]1 ,i meant to cat* him1 :ile at ! same "t ,i did n want to4 ,! horrible man-hunt began t v night4 ,,*apt] ,,xxii ,! se>* = ,boyde 0 a prolong$ nightm>e3 us$ sev]al times already1 ?is phrase alone describes x4 ,x la/$ ov] a =tnight4 ,e night1 f n9e o'clock till two1 or ev5 lat] 9 ! morn+1 x cont9u$4 ,! old doctor almo/ inv>iably came ) me4 ,x 0 mid-w9t] & bitt] cold1 ,i /ill _h no ov]coat1 a ?9 summ] ve/ be+ my only und]we>4 ,! disreputable haunts we se>*$ 7 heat$ to at lea/ #gj ,f41 :]eas ! /reet air 0 commonly n f> f z]o1 ) bit+ w9ds or icy moi/ure t cut l a knife4 ,x mu/ h be5 ! drug t sav$ me f pneumonia1 = ,i 0 9 & out ( a doz5 haunts ea* night4444 ,i 0 a prey to contr>y & alt]nat+ emotions--! desire to let ! fell[ g free1 ! conviction t x 0 my duty to save him f himself1 to save o!rs f him z well4 ,! di/ress1 unhapp9ess & d\bt ,i exp]i5c$ made t prolong$ man-hunt inde$ a nightm>e4 ,plans 7 laid ) c>e & k4 ,boyde1 we argu$1 _h money1 or he w\ld h return$ to ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet4 ,_h he en\gh to bribe ! police1 or to g to ,canada8 ,we decid$ t 8 contempt = me w\ld outweigh any fe> he felt t ,i might take action4 ,! 8,night ,owls0 7 n[ away on t\r2 he w\ld h>dly g aft] ,paul9e ,m----4 ,we conclud$ he 0 8do+ ! t[n10 z x 0 call$1 & 0 n v f> f ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet4 ,) 8 out/&+ figure & appe>ance1 x ought n to be difficult to f9d "s trace ( him 9 ! disreputable places4 ,! 8,t5d]lo90--a region ab\t ,broadway & #cj? ,/reet1 s pack$ ) illegal 8jo9ts0 t _! tribute to ! police 0 ! ri*e/ & juicie/ ( ! :ole city--0 sure to be 8 hunt+ gr\nd4 ,to ! ,t5d]lo9 haunts1 accord+ly1 we w5t t fir/ night ( ! *ase4 ,z a report] ,i knew ! v>i\s places well already1 & felt q equal to mak+ my se>* alone1 b ! doctor1 ?\gh 9 no condition to traipse ab\t ! icy /reet aft] d>k1 insi/$ on accompany+ me4 ,no?+ ,i said c\ld prev5t him com+4 ,tru? to tell1 ,i 0 n sorry to h him ) me--9 "s ( ! saloons2 besides :i* ,i _h no money1 & some?+--lag] be] co/ only five c5ts a glass--_h to be ord]$ 9 ea* place4 ,we hurri$ f "o saloon to ano!r1 look+ 9 at v>i\s gambl+ hells1 opium jo9ts1 danc+ places & music-halls ( ! poor] k9d :]e m5 & wom5 met on easy t]ms1 & we /ay$ at ea* "o j long en\gh to make inquiries1 & to b5efit by ! w>m? & com=t1 )\t be+ pe/]$ by ! habitual frequ5t]s4 ,i _h 9 my possession a small photograph ( ,boyde2 x 0 on t91 %[+ ! head & %\ld]s2 x _h be5 tak5 "o day e>li] 9 our acqua9tance :5 we w5t toge!r to a ,dime ,museum 9 #ad? ,/reet4 ,x n[ prov$ v useful4 ,x %[$ 8 full face1 big eyes1 droop+ m\/a*es & eyeglass4 ,! abs5ce ( ! m\/a*e alt]$ him a great deal1 b ! eyeglass & ! six feet two in*es 9 height c\nt]balanc$ ?is4 ,at e 8jo9t0 ,i produc$ ?is photograph1 ask+ ! att5dants1 b>-t5d]s1 & any wom5 ,i judg$ to be frequ5t]s ( ! place1 :e!r !y _h se5 ! orig9al rec5tly1 or anyone l him4 ,"s laugh$ & said !y _h1 o!rs said ! opposite1 b ! majority refus$ to say any?+1 %[$ insol5tly _! suspicion ( me & my purpose1 &1 m ?an once1 made x advisable = u to get out be=e we 7 put out4 ,at su* places cu/om]s are *>y ab\t in=mation ( ea* o!r4 ,among ! wom51 h[ev]1 7 "s :o knew cle>ly :o x 0 we 8want$10 ?\gh say+ no?+ useful1 & soon ! doctor decid$ x 0 a mi/ake to %[ ! photograph too mu*1 = ,boyde w\ld be w>n$ by ^! wom51 :ile _m1 fe>ful t !y !mselves 7 8want$10 w\ld m]ely lie 9 self protection1 & set u ^u false trails4 ,any woman :o _h n paid h] weekly blackmail money to ! w>d man 0 9 dang]1 & few1 to judge by _! appe>ance1 7 n involv$ 9 robb]y1 knock-out drops1 or ! ubiquit\s 8badg]-game40 ,yet ^!1 ,i knew1 7 ! places ,boyde w\ld feel at home 94 ,my be+ a newspap] man prov$ ( value to u m ?an once1 at any rate4 ,my ?\ghts1 z we sat 9 a curta9$ corn] ( "s 8hell10 ^: ov]heat$ atmosph]e ( smoke1 sc5t1 alcohol & dope 0 ?ick en\gh to cut ) a knife1 wat*+1 wait+1 li/5+1 mu/ be imag9$4 ,i wat*$ e arrival4 ,! t5sion on n]ves already ov]/ra9$ 0 almo/ unbe>able4 ,a habit ( ! doctor's int5sifi$ ?is /ra94 ,he did n1 ,i ?9k1 rememb] ,boyde v well1 & 0 con/antly imag9+ t he saw him4 ,! /reet door w\ld op52 he w\ld nudge me & :isp] 8,seh5 ,sie1 da kommt d] ,k]l nun endli*44460 ,he po9t$1 my he>t leapt into my m\?2 no?+ c\ld induce me to arre/ him1 x seem$1 & my relief on see+ x 0 a /rang] 0 always g5u9e--at ! mom5t4 ,"o night--or e>ly morn+1 r--! doctor1 :o _h be5 sil5t = a long "t1 turn$ to me ) a grey1 exhau/$ face4 ,! morph9e 0 beg9n+ to fail him1 & he mu/ inject ano!r dose4 ,?is happ5$ sev]al times4444 ,beh9d a curta91 or 9 a place aside :]e we 7 n ev5 alone1 he op5$ 8 clo!s1 f\nd a cle> space ( sk91 & appli$ ! ne$le1 :ile ,i rubb$ ! spot ) my f+] = ab\t a m9ute to prev5t a bli/] =m+4 ,no "o1 except p]haps a v drunk5 man or woman occasionally1 paid ! smalle/ att5tion to ! op]ation2 to !m x 0 evid5tly a famili> & commonplace occurr5ce4444 8,y mu/ n /ay up any long]10 he w\ld say ano!r "t1 aft] a sudd5 exam9ation ( my face4 8,y look dreadful4 ,come1 we w g home40 ,i 0 only too glad to be m>*$ (f4 ,we pac$ ! icy /reets arm 9 arm1 num]\s p /ill ab\t on v>i\s err&s1 tramc>s & elevat$ tra9s /ill ro>+1 saloons & jo9ts blaz+ ) light1 wide op5 till dawn1 :ile ! old man1 rejuv5at$ & /imulat$ by ! drug1 disc\rs$ eloqu5tly ! :ole way1 ,i dragg+ by 8 side1 sil5t1 depress$1 we>y ) pa9s t seem$ m poignant !n ?an hung] or m]e physical fatigue4 ,! next night x w\ld be ! same1 & ! "o aft] t1 & ! next "o aft] t too--! se>* cont9u$4 ,x wore me d[n4 ,i saw ! eyeglass />+ furtively at me f beh9d e corn]1 ev5 9 ! day-"t4 ,8 foot/ep s\nd$ beh9d me (t54 ,at night ,i lock$ my door1 = fe> he might /eal back into ! room4444 ,once or twice ,i report$ to headqu>t]s t ,i 0 on ! trail1 b ! detective _h lo/ int]e/ 9 ! case2 a conviction 0 d\btful1 anyh[2 he 0 n 8go+ to sit ar\nd cat*+ flies02 only ! fact t ,i 0 a report] on ! ,sun made him pause4 8,telephone :5 y get him10 he said1 8& ,i'll come up & d ! re/40 ,mu* fre% in=mation ab\t ,boyde _h also come my way2 he _h ev5 /ol5 ! vases f a ,*ur* communion table--?\gh he d5i$ ?is 9 8 confession lat]--& pawn$ !m4 ,9 e direction1 & ?is he did n d5y1 he _h borr[$ money 9 my "n1 giv+ me ! wor/ possible "* :ile do+ s4 ,probably inde$1 ,i nev] liv$ d[n all he said ab\t me4444 ,x 0 a bitt]1 & app>5tly1 an endless se>*4 ,f ! ,we/ ,side jo9ts1 we visit$ ! ,ea/ ,side haunts ( vice & dissipation4 ,i n[ knew ,boyde too well to ?9k he w\ld 8fly high02 8 ta/es 7 ( ! l[e/4 ,! a*e x all gave me ,i c nev] describe4444 ,we w5t f place to place z h\r aft] h\r pass$4 ,we f\nd 8 trail1 & ea* "t we f\nd x my he>t fail$ me4 ,a woman1 gorge\sly pa9t$1 %[+ h] silk /ock+s above ! knee1 h] atmosph]e reek+ ( bad sc5t & dr9k1 came sidl+ up1 murmur+ ?is & t4444 ,! ,doctor's eye 0 on me1 ?\gh he said no ^w1 made no s+le ge/ure4444 ,! t9-type photograph 0 produc$4444 8,yep1 ,i se5 dat fell>10 gr9n$ ! woman 9 h] 8t\gh0 b[]y talk !y all affect$ 9 ! ,t5d]lo94 8,a high fli] 444 ra9+ 9 ,london1 too0--a gibe at ! 8,engli%0 habit ( turn+ up "o's tr\s]s--) a /ream ( local slang1 oa?s1 fil?y h9ts & repeat$ dem&s to 8put 'em up10 mean+ dr9ks4 ,!n a :isp]$ gr[l f ! old ,g]man 8,ni*ts6 444 sie luegt 444 los mit ihr60 ,a fur!r /ream ( lurid insults 444 & %e 0 gone1 :ile ano!r sidl$ up a little lat]4 ,!y all knew ,g]man1 ^! wom54 ,0 n ,new ,york ! ?ird bigge/ ,g]man city1 qua population1 9 ! ,empire8 ,few1 z a matt] ( fact1 7 ,am]ican4 ,b>r+ ! mulattos & quadroon girls1 to say no?+ ( ! negresses1 ! majority 7 ,fr5*1 ,hung>ian1 ,spani%1 ,italian1 ,dut* or "s polyglot mixture n ev5 ! ,briti% ,museum c\ld def9e4444 ,nev] did ! old ,g]man's k9dness prove itself z 9 ^! hide\s night-wat*es4 ,ap>t f all que/ions ( tr\ble & exp5se1 he 0 oblig$ to take extra doses ( morph9e to meet ! *>ge ^u 8 sy/em1 at a "t1 too1 :5 he 0 /ruggl+ to r$uce ! quantity4 ,comp>$ to :at he did1 ev5 ! fact t he gave ! poison to o!rs1 possibly to 8 own *ild among !m1 seem$ negligible4 ,n only did he accompany me dur+ ! *ase1 sp5d+ h\rs 9 l[1 suffocat+ d5s ( bea/l9ess1 walk+ ! w9d-swept /reets 9 mid-w9t]1 suff]+ insults & acute discom=t1 b also he be/[$ practical c>e & k9dness on me dur+ ! day1 provid+ me ) food 7,i 0 9 no /ate ev5 to pose 9 ! /udios at ! "t71 & ev5 sugge/+ t ,i %\ld fit up a b$ 9 8 work%op :]e he kept ! la! & made ! *essm54 ,all ?is1 too1 f an old man1 himself 9 deep mis]y1 & on ! los+ side ( a fight f> m t]rible ?an ,i ev] knew or imag9$1 a fight1 he !n realiz$ already1 0 to end be=e v long 9 failure1 :i* meant dea?4 ,! /range1 brok5 old be+1 twi/$ & di/ort$ ?\gh 8 n]v\s sy/em 0 by a drug1 %[$--to me1 at any rate--t r>e ?+ :i* exp]i5ce ( life proves great] ?an intellect1 ?an success1 ?an p[]1 or brilliance may a*ieve--a he>t4 ,if re9c>nation1 ) its k>mic law1 be true1 ei!r he ow$ me a heavy debt f "s =gott5 pa/1 or ,i owe to him a debt "s future life w enable1 & en=ce me1 to repay4 ,x 0 at ! end ( ! fir/ t5 days t1 q by *ance1 we /umbl$ ^u ! trail ( ,boyde4 ,he _h be5 se5 9 a 8swell dive0 on ! ,we/ ,side--) a woman4 ,he 0 sp5d+ money l wat]4 ,h[ _h he come by x8 ,:om _h he sw9dl$ n[8 ,we 7 9 ! ,ea/ ,side1 foll[+ a false clue1 :5 ?is in=mation 0 giv5 to u--"u conditions impossible to describe--& we hurri$ across to ! neighb\rhood indicat$4 ,an h\r lat] we 7 only a %ort ?irty m9utes beh9d 8 glitt]+ pa?4 ,he 0 visit+ exp5sive jo9ts4 ,*ampagne fl[$4 ,! woman wore furs4 ,he wore a light col\r$ box-clo? ov]coat4 ,bo? 7 8high fli]s40 ,& he 0 dr9k+ h>d4 ,! in=mation1 ,i confess1 _h ! effect ( /iff5+ me4 ,x 0 impossible n to wond]1 z we sat 9 ! cross-t[n tram ( ,ea/ #bcrd ,/reet1 :e!r 9 8 gay c>e] he gave a s+le ?\ght to ! room 9 ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet1 :]e he %>$ my b$1 wore my suit1 ate my food1 su* z x 01 & :]e he _h left me ill1 alone & />v+4 ,! old doctor 0 grim & sil5t1 b a repress$ fury1 ,i c\ld see1 bit into him4 ,0 !re1 p]haps1 v5geance1 9 ! old1 crumpl$ man8 8,no weakness1 rememb]10 he gr[l$ f "t to "t4 8,i hold him1 :ile y telephone to ,mulb]ry ,/reet4 ,pfli*t1 pfli*t6 ,x is y\r duty to--to ev]ybody44460 ,! trail l$ u to ,m\qu9's1 :]e he _h und\bt$ly be5 %ortly be=e1 !n on to a place 9 #cd? ,/reet 444 & !re we lo/ x hopelessly4 ,x 0 n a false al>m1 b ! trail ran up a tree & vani%$4 ,he _h gone home ) ! woman1 b :o %e 0 or :]e %e liv$1 n ev5 ! w>d man--:om ,i knew by *ance1 &1 equally by *ance1 met at ! door--c\ld tell u4 ,i telephon$ to headqu>t]s to w>n ,detective ,lawl] to be 9 read9ess4 ,lawl] 0 out on a 8big /ory0 else:]e1 b ano!r man w\ld come up ) ! w>rant ! mom5t ,i s5t ^w4 ,i _h1 h[ev]1 no occasion to telephone aga9 t night1 nor ev5 ! next night1 ?\gh we mu/ evid5tly h be5 )9 an ace ( cat*+ him4 ,x 0 l se>*+ = a ne$le 9 a hay/ack1 or = a rabbit 9 a w>r54 ,! neighb\rhood1 ?is jo9t 9 p>ticul>1 0 alive ) simil> *>act]s2 all ! wom5 wore furs2 all ! m5 7 tall1 _m ( !m _h 8glass-eyes10 ! majority seem$ ,engli% ) 8_! tr\s]s turn$ up40 ,we sat = h\rs 9 "o d5 aft] ano!r1 b we caught no fur!r indication ( ! trail4 ,x _h vani%$ into ?9 air4 ,& aft] ^! two excit+ & exhau/+ nights1 ! old doctor collaps$2 he c\ld d no m2 he told me he felt unequal to ! /ra9 & c\ld n accompany me ev5 "o m "t4 ,! old man 0 done4 ,! day aft] ! se>* /opp$ tempor>ily1 ,kay arriv$ 9 ! city1 to my great delight4 ,x 0 a ke5 relief to h him back4 ,! t\r _h be5 a failure1 & ! company _h become /r&$ 9 ,port ,hope1 ,ont>io4 ,sal>ies 7 nev] paid2 he _h receiv$ hotel bo>d1 railway ticket1 laundry1 b r>ely any ca%4 ,:at luggage he possess$ 0 9 ! ,port ,hope hotel1 held 9 lieu ( paym5t4 ,x rema9$ !re4 ,we talk$ ?+s ov]1 & ! news ab\t ,boyde1 he>d n[ = ! fir/ "t 9 detail1 %ock$ him4 ,!re 0 no d\bt or hesitation 9 ,kay's m9d4 8,( c\rse y mu/ arre/ him2 we'll g out to-night & look40 ,we did s1 b ) no result4 ,kay _h ! rema9s ( a borr[$ #aj1 we d9$ at ,kris*'s2 he _h cig>ettes1 too4444 ,we pass$ a happy ev5+1 com+ home e>ly f ! *ase4 ,l myself1 he _h no ov]coat1 b ! money did n rea* to gett+ x f ,ikey :]e ,boyde _h pawn$ x4 ,we sat indoors1 & talk$4444 ,only a %ort ?ree mon?s be=e we _h sat talk+ r\nd a camp-fire on our isl&4 ,x seem$ incr$ible4 ,we discuss$ my plan = settl+ 9 ! woods1 to :i* he 0 v fav\rably incl9$4 ,mean:ile1 he expla9$1 8 ,company 0 prep>+ ano!r t\r ) bett] plays & bett] ca/4 ,!y hop$ to />t out aft] ,*ri/mas1 n[ only a week away4 ,! ^w 8,*ri/mas0 made u laugh4 ,i /ill _h ! ,*ri/mas m5u ( our ,hub d9n]1 & we p9n$ x ^u ! wall4 ,x might sugge/ some?+ to ! long-suff]+ ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 ,kay ?\ght4 ,b in/ead we ate our oatmeal & dri$ apples4444 ,,*apt] ,,xxiii ,x 0 on ! ,tuesday be=e ,*ri/mas t ,i caught ,boyde2 ! day also be=e ! ,:ite ,/> /eam]s sail$4 ,! cold 0 ,arctic1 a bit+ ea/ w9d swept ! /reets4 ,!re 0 no sun4 ,if ev] !re 0 a ,black ,tuesday = me x 0 t #ah? ( ,decemb]1 #ahib4 ,t[>ds ev5+1 ! doctor1 ,i knew1 w\ld expect me z usual2 !re 0 no?+ to prev5t my go+2 & yet ea* "t ! ?\ght cropp$ up automatically 9 my m9d ,i 0 aw>e ( a vague1 indet]m9ate feel+ t someh[ or o!r ,i %\ld n g4 ,?is dim feel+ also 0 automatic4 ,!re 0 no?+ ,i knew ( to induce1 mu* less to support x4 ,i did n m5tion x to ,kay4 ,i c\ld n und]/& :5ce x came nor :at caus$ x1 b x did n leave me1 x kept tugg+ at my n]ves4 8,y're n go+ to ! doctor's to-night10 x said1 8y're go+ else:]e40 ,aft] d>k ?is odd feel+ became m & m insi/5t1 & !n all at once x connect$ itself ) ,boyde4 ,q sudd5ly ?is happ5$4 ,i _h n be5 ?9k+ ( ,boyde at ! mom5t2 n[1 abruptly1 up cropp$ 8 "n & p]sonality4 ,i 0 to g out & cat* him4 ,my m9d resi/$ ?is idea4 ,sev]al ?+s1 besides1 7 aga9/ x4 ,9 ! fir/ place1 we _h volunt>ily giv5 up ! hunt & ,i 0 resign$ to 8 escape2 secondly & ?irdly1 ,i dread$ be+ out 9 ! bitt] cold1 & ,i badly ne$$ ! 8assuag+ balm0 ( old ,huebn]'s ne$le4 ,if ! fir/ two 7 negative inhibitions1 ! ?ird 0 decid$ly positive4 ,all ?ree _h to be conqu]$ if ,i 0 to obey ! /range prompt+ :i* :isp]$1 & kept on :isp]+3 8,g out & look4 ,y'll f9d him40 ,!re 01 9 addition1 ! usual m9or conflict to :i* ,i _h gr[n q accu/om$1 ! conflict betwe5 my desire to be reliev$ ( an unpleasant 8duty10 yet ! conviction t x 0 a duty ,i _h no "r to %irk4 ,9 spite ( my resi/ance1 at any rate1 ! prompt+ /r5g!n$2 z night fell ,i grew m & m re/less & uneasy2 until at la/ ! t\* ( inevitability t lay beh9d x all decl>$ itself--& ! break+ po9t 0 rea*$4 ,i c\ld resi/ no long]2 x 0 impossible to conta9 myself4 ,i sprang out ( my *air & told ,kay ,i 0 go+ out to cat* ,boyde4 8,don't g10 he said4 8,wa/e ( "t4 ,he's skipp$ long ago--be5 w>n$40 ,he mutt]$ some?+ m ab\t ! int5se cold4 8,y'll kill y\rself40 ,b ! impulsion ,i felt 0 irresi/ible4 ,x 0 z ?\gh "s inn] p[] drove & guid$ me4 ,z a matt] ( fact1 ,i w5t /raight to ! exact spot :]e1 among ! teem+ millions ( ! great city1 ,boyde 04 ,fifte5 m9utes e>li] or lat]1 ,i %\ld h miss$ him4 ,also1 b = a *ance hesitation lat]--la/+ sixty seconds at mo/--he w\ld h se5 me & escap$4 ,! calculation1 :e!r due to intellig5ce or to co9cid5ce1 0 amaz+ly precise4 ,i left our room at n9e o'clock2 at a qu>t] to t5 ,i /ood face to face ) ,boyde4 ,! w9d 0 driv+ a f9e dry du/ ( sn[ be=e x1 & all :o c\ld rema9$ indoors4 ,! /reets 7 des]t$2 despite ! ne>ness ( ,*ri/mas1 signs ( bu/le & ! usual holiday cr[d 7 abs5t4 ,i walk$ v quickly to keep w>m1 an odd subconsci\s excitem5t 9 me4 ,i seem$ to "k exactly :]e ,i 0 go+1 ?\gh1 _h anybody ask$ me1 ,i c\ld n h told !m4 ,up #d? ,av5ue to #bcrd ,/reet1 !n we/ across ,broadway1 ,i pass$ #f? & #g? ,av5ues1 ) only "o pause ( a mom5t4 ,at ! corn] ( #g? ,av5ue ,i hesitat$1 unc]ta9 :e!r to turn nor?1 or to cont9ue we/ t[>ds #h? ,av5ue4 ,a policeman 0 /&+ outside a saloon side-door1 a man ,i _h kn[n 9 ! ,tombs police c\rt2 an ,iri%man1 ( c\rse4 ,i recogniz$ him1 ,he 0 fri5dly to me because ,i _h us$ 8 "n 9 a /ory2 he rememb]$ me n[4 ,i produc$ ! t9-type photograph4 ,he inspect$ x "u ! ne>e/ electric light4 8,yep10 he said1 8,i se5 t fell] only a few m9utes back--half an h\r maybe--only he's lift$ 8 mu/a*e40 8,%av$ 8 m\/a*e--yes80 8,t's :at ,i said10 z he h&$ back ! t9-type4 8,got a /ory80 he inquir$ ! same in/ant4 8,any?+ big do+80 8,:i* way did he g80 8,up-t[n10 said ! policeman1 j]k+ 8 ?umb 9 ! direction nor?4 8,up #h? ,av5oo4 ,& he 0 travell9' ) a p>tn]1 a big fell]1 same size z y]self1 ,i guess40 ,he mov$ (f to %[ he _h no m to say4 ,any /ory t might result w\ld be out ( 8 beat4 ,!re 0 no?+ 9 x = him4 ,8 int]e/ vani%$4 ,i hurri$ on to ! corn] ( #h? ,av5ue1 ! edge ( a bad neighb\rhood lead+ d[n ?r\gh ! negro qu>t] t[>ds ! haunts ( ! riv]-front1 & !re ,i paus$ aga9 = a second or two4 ,i 0 /ill 9 #bcrd ,/reet1 b ,i n[ turn$ up ! ,av5ue4 ,x 0 practically des]t$1 ! /reet c>s empty1 few p on ! pavem5ts4 ,! side-/reets cross$ x at "r angles1 poorly lit1 runn+ "r & left into a _w ( %ad[s1 b at almo/ e corn] /ood a brilliant saloon ^: w9d[s & glass doors p\r$ out great %afts ( light4 ,sometimes !re 7 f\r saloons1 "o at ea* corn]1 & ! blaze 0 dazzl+4 ,i pass$ #bd?1 #be?1 #bf? & #bg? /reets4 ,!re 7 little flurries ( dry sn[2 ,i saw no "o1 no?+ b empty sil5t sidewalks swept by ! icy w9d4 ,at #bh? ,/reet !re 7 f\r saloons1 "o at ea* corn]1 & ! blaze ( light _h a w>m1 entic+ look4 ,?r\gh ! blurr$ w9d[s ( ! "o ne>e/ to me1 ! heads ( ! pack$ cr[d inside z !y l9$ up to ! b> 7 j visible1 & :ile ,i /ood a mom5t1 %iv]+ 9 ! icy w9d1 ! com=t+ idea ( a hot :isky came to me4 ,= ! w9d cut l glass & nei!r my excitem5t nor ! ex]cise _h w>m$ me4 ,i hesitat$1 /&+ aga9/ a huge electric light pole1 9 ^: black %ad[ ,i 0 q invisible4 ,a hot :isky1 ,i reflect$1 9 ?is neighb\rhood w\ld co/ #bj or #be c5ts2 ,i _h #cj c5ts 9 my pocket2 ,i ne$$ ! /imulant2 ,i 0 v weak2 ,i felt cold to ! bone4 ,b #be c5ts 0 a lot ( money1 ,i might want a c>-f>e home besides 444 & ,i 0 /ill hesitat+ :5 two tall figures em]g$ sudd5ly out ( ! d>k side-/reet into ! flood ( light1 swung %>p r\nd ! corn]1 & pass$ ?r\gh ! glass doors into ! saloon4 ,! figures 7 two m51 & ! fir/ ( !m 0 ,boyde4 ,= a second my he>t seem$ to /op1 !n began imm$iately rac+ & beat+ viol5tly4 ,9 t brilliant light ,i saw e detail %>ply1 ,boyde & 8 companion1 bo? m]cilessly visible4 ,! man ,i want$ wore a big horsy ov]coat ( light-col\r$ box-clo? ) l>ge :ite buttons1 ! velvet coll> turn$ up ab\t 8 e>s4 ,! o!r man ,i did n "k2 he 0 tall] ?an ,boyde & wore no ov]coat2 he 0 ! 8p>tn] travell9' ) him0 m5tion$ by ! policeman4 ,8 gait 0 un/eady1 he reel$ a little4 ,! clam\r ( noisy voices bl>$ out a mom5t into ! /reet be=e ! doors swung to aga91 & ,i /ood q /ill = an appreciable "t1 blott$ out ( sight 9 my black %ad[4 ,_h ,i n hesitat$ a mom5t to reflect ab\t t hot :isky ,i %\ld h pass$1 my figure full 9 ! blaze1 j 9 front ( ! two m51 :o w\ld h wait$ 9 ! d>k side-/reet till ,i 0 safely out ( sight4 ,! /ate ( my n]ves1 ,i suppose1 0 pretty bad1 & ! lack ( my cu/om>y ev5+ dose acc5tuat$ x4 ,i "k1 anyh[1 t at fir/ ,i realiz$ "o ?+ only--t ,i c\ld nev] h ! he>t to arre/ ! fell[4 ,?is quickly pass$1 h[ev]2 ! rac+ ( my blood pass$ too2 det]m9ation grew fix$2 ,i decid$ to act at once4 ,b %\ld ,i g 91 or %\ld ,i wait till !y came out aga98 ,if ,i w5t 9 !re w\ld probably be a fight2 ,boyde's hulk+ companion w\ld c]ta9ly take 8 side2 ! lighte/ bl[ 9 my weak /ate & ,i %\ld be d[n & out4 ,on ! o!r h&1 !re 0 a side door1 !re 7 sev]al side doors1 & ! c\ple might easily slip out1 = ,i c\ld n wat* all ! doors at once4 ,i decid$ to g 94 ,& ! mom5t ! decision 0 tak51 complete calmness came ov] me1 s t ,i felt myself m]ely an in/rum5t ( fate4 ,x 0 horrible1 b x _h to be4 ,boyde 0 to get ! puni%m5t he des]v$4 ,i c\ld n fail4 ,! way ! little sc5e 0 /age-manag$ seem$ curi\s to me :5 x 0 all ov]1 = z ,i mov$ out into ! light1 a c\ple ( policem5 came across ! broad av5ue beh9d & look$ inquisitively at :at mu/ h seem$ my que] behavi\r4 ,i imm$iately cross$ to meet !m1 :ile nev] tak+ my eye (f ! sw+-doors4 ,a man :o _h j gone into t saloon1 ,i told !m1 0 to be arre/$4 8,t s80 !y ask$ ) a gr91 ?9k+ me drunk1 ( c\rse4 8,& :at's he done to get all t80 ,i told !m ,i 0 a report] on ! ,sun1 t ,i 0 ! compla9ant 9 ! case1 & t ,detective ,lawl] ( ! #i? ,di/rict _h ! w>rant at headqu>t]s4 ,!y c\ld telephone to him if !y lik$4 ,!y li/5$1 b !y w\ld n d any?+4 ,i c\ld telephone to ,lawl] myself2 !y w]5't go+ to act )\t a w>rant4 ,!y f9ally agre$ to wait outside & 8see fair play10 if ,i w\ld g 9 & fet* 8! guy0 out into ! /reet4 8,we'll /op any tr\ble10 !y said1 8& take him to ! /ation if y make a compla9t40 ,i agre$ to ?is & walk$ 9 ?r\gh ! sw+-doors4 ,! saloon 0 cr[d$1 ! heat wond]ful1 ! b>s ?rong$ ) m5 9 all /ages ( intoxication2 b>-t5d]s 9 :ite jackets flew to & fro2 bus9ess 0 boom+1 & at ! lea/ sign ( a r[1 ev]ybody1 m or less1 w\ld h jo9$ 94 ,?is g5]al impression1 h[ev]1 0 only 9 ! backgr\nd ( my m9d4 ,:at fill$ x 0 ! fact t ,boyde 0 look+ at me1 />+ /raight into my eyes1 b 9 ! mirror4 ,! in/ant ! doors swung to ,i _h caught 8 reflection 9 ! long glass beh9d ! b>4 ,across ?is b>1 a little space on ei!r side ( him1 he 0 lean+ on bo? elb[s1 8 face re/+ 9 "o h&4 ,! eye-glass--x 0 ask+ = tr\ble to we> x 9 su* a place--_h be5 disc>d$4 ,he 0 alone4 ,8 back1 ( c\rse1 0 t[>ds me4 ,= a few seconds we />$ at "o ano!r 9 ?is way1 & !n1 z ,i walk$ d[n ! long room1 pu%+ betwe5 ! noisy cr[d1 he sl[ly turn$4 ,i rea*$ him4 ,a fa9t smile appe>$ on 8 face4 ,he evid5tly did n "k q :at to d1 b a h& began to move t[>ds me4 ,he ?\ght1 x seem$1 ,i 0 go+ to %ake h&s1 :]eas ,i ?\ght he 0 probably go+ to hit me4 ,in/ead my h& w5t to 8 %\ld]4 8,boyde10 ,i said1 keep+ my voice l[1 8,i want y4 ,y're go+ to be--arre/$40 ,! smile di$ out1 & an awful look ru%$ into 8 eyes4 ,8 face turn$ ! col\r ( *alk4 ,at fir/ ,i felt sure he 0 go+ to l& me a bl[ 9 ! face1 b ! abrupt movem5t ( 8 body 0 m]ely t he tri$ to /eady himself aga9/ ! b>1 = ,i saw 8 h& grip ! rail & cl+ to x4 ,! same second 8 features began to "w4 8,i've got to arre/ y10 ,i repeat$4 8,x's ,k>ma4 ,y _h bett] come quietly40 8,k>ma----0 he repeat$ 9 a daz$ way & />$4 ,he 0 bewild]$1 incr$ul\s /ill4 ,! same second1 h[ev]1 he grasp$ t x 0 s]i\s1 my face & voice & mann] d\btless w>n$ him4 ,?is1 at la/1 0 real2 he sudd5ly knew x4 ,! expression ( appeal p\r$ up in/antly into 8 eyes1 ^? big1 innoc5t1 blue eyes :]e ,i _h s (t5 se5 x be=e4 ,only n[ !re 0 no m\/a*e1 & ! brutal cunn+ m\? 0 b>e4 ,he began to speak at once1 keep+ 8 voice l[1 = sev]al p 7 already int]e/$ 9 u4 ,he us$ 8 s(te/ & mo/ plead+ tone4 ,) t1 too1 ,i 0 ?or\ghly famili>4 8,blackwood--= ,god's sake let me g4 ,i'm (f to ,engl& to-morr[ on a ,:ite ,/> boat4 ,i'm work+ my passage ov]4 ,= ! love ( ,god--= my "m's sake----60 ,i cut him %ort4 ,! fals5ess1 ! c[>dice1 ! trea*]y all work+ 9 8 face at once1 sick5$ me4 ,at ! same "t an a*+ pity rose4 ,i felt mis]able4 8,y mu/ come out ) me4 ,at once40 ,he turn$ quickly & look$ ab\t him1 8 eyes tak+ 9 ev]y?+4 ,"s m5 beside u _h he>d our talk & 7 ready to int]f]e4 8,:at's y\r tr\ble80 "o ( !m ask$ ?ickly4 ,i realiz$ we mu/ get away at once1 out into ! /reet1 ?\gh ! sc5e _h b>ely la/$ two m9utes yet4 8,!re's a policeman wait+ outside10 ,i w5t on4 8,y'd bett] come quietly4 ,a r[ won't help y40 ,b ,i said x l\d] ?an ,i ?\ght1 = sev]al heads turn$ t[>ds ! sw+-doors4 ,! effect on ,boyde1 h[ev]1 0 h>dly :at ,i expect$1 & seem$ /range4 ,he wilt$ sudd5ly4 ,i believe all ?\ght ( resi/ance or escape w5t out ( him :5 he he>d ! ^w 8police40 ,8 jaw dropp$1 !re 0 sudd5ly no expression 9 8 eyes at all4 ,a complete blankness came into 8 features4 ,x 0 horrible4 ,he's got no s\l1 ,i ?\ght4 ,he m]ely />$ at me4 8,^: is t ov]coat80 ,i ask$1 feel+ sure x 0 n 8 own4 ,i already _h him by ! arm4 8,rop]'s10 he said quietly1 8 voice gone q dead4 8,"h he is40 ,8 face 0 /ill l a gho/'s4 ,x 0 blank z /one4 ,i _h q =gott5 ! companion1 b at t same mom5t ,i saw ,rop] hov]+ up beside me4 ,8 attitude 0 ?reat5+1 he 0 ?ree-p>ts drunk2 a glance %[$ me he 0 an ,engli%man1 & obvi\sly1 by bir?1 a g5tleman4 8,rop]1 if y want y\r coat1 y'd bett] take x4 ,boyde is "u arre/40 8,arre/ be damn$60 ,rop] cri$ 9 a l\d voice t ev]ybody he>d4 ,!re 0 already a cr[d ab\t u1 b ?is increas$ x4 ,rop] 0 look+ me ov]4 ,he gl>$ ) ang]4 8,y're t cad ,blackwood1 ,i suppose1 are y8 ,i've he>d ab\t y4 ,i "k y\r :ole damn$ rott5 /ory & ! way y've treat$ ,boyde4 ,b ,boyde's a fri5d ( m9e4 ,no "o c d any?+ to him :ile ,i'm "h44460 ,he ro>$ & %\t$ 9 t cr[d$ b>-room1 :ile ! :ole place look$ on & li/5$1 ready to int]f]e at ! fir/ sign ( 8a fuss40 ,a bl[1 a little pu% ev51 w\ld h laid me out1 & 9 ! g5]al scuffle or free fight t 0 b\nd to foll[1 ,boyde c\ld h got cle> away--b nei!r he nor ,rop] ?\ght ( ?is app>5tly4 ,rop] w5t on p\r+ out 8 drunk5 abuse1 lur*+ =w>d b nev] actually t\*+ me1 :ile ,boyde /ood p]fectly /ill & li/5$ 9 sil5ce4 ,he made no attempt to %ake (f my h& ev54 ,i sudd5ly !n lean$ ov] & spoke into 8 e>3 8,if y come quietly at once x's only petit l>c5y--/eal+ ! money4 ,o!rwise x's =g]y40 ,x act$ l magic4 ,an expression d>t$ back into 8 face4 ,he turn$1 told ,rop] to %ut up1 said some?+ to ! cr[d ab\t its be+ only a little misund]/&+1 & walk$ )\t ano!r ^w t[>ds ! doors4 ,i walk$ beside him1 ! m5 made a way2 a few seconds lat] we 7 9 ! /reet4 ,rop]1 :o _h wait$ to f9i% 8 dr9k1 & 0 puzzl$ besides by ! quick manuvre1 lur*$ at "s di/ance aft] u4 ,! two policem51 :o _h wat*$ ! sc5e ?r\gh ! w9d[s1 /ood wait+4 ,boyde sway$ aga9/ me :5 he saw !m4 ,i m>*$ him up to ! ne>e/ "o4 8,i make a *>ge ( l>c5y aga9/ ?is man1 & ! w>rant is at ,mulb]ry ,/reet ) ,detective ,lawl]4 ,i am ! compla9ant40 ,!y told him he 0 "u arre/1 & we began our horrible little procession to ! /ation 9 ,we/ #ba/ ,/reet4 ,boyde 0 betwe5 ! two policem51 ,i 0 next to ! outside "o1 on ! k]b1 ,rop] came reel+ 9 ! re>1 %\t+ abuse & ?reats into my face4 ,! next "t ,i saw ,rop] 0 9 ! c\rt ( ,g5]al ,sessions1 weeks lat]1 :5 ,boyde 0 br\ght up = trial4 ,by t "t he _h le>n$ ! tru?2 he came up & apologiz$4 ,boyde1 he told me1 _h sw9dl$ him ev5 m completely ?an he _h sw9dl$ me4 ,! se>* 9 ! /ation made me sick at he>t2 e pocket 0 turn$ out2 !re 0 #hj doll>s 9 ca%2 ! s]geant us$ fil?y language4 ,boyde 0 tak5 d[n to a cell1 & ,i1 z a newspap] report]1 0 all[$ to g d[n ) him4 ,i /ay$ = two h\rs1 talk+ ?r\gh ! b>s4 ,x 0 two 9 ! morn+ :5 ! s]geant turn$ me out aft] a dreadful conv]sation1 & :5 ,i rea*$ home1 to f9d ,kay sitt+ up anxi\sly /ill1 ,i 0 too exhau/$1 f cold1 excitem5t & hung]1 to tell him m ?an a b>e outl9e ( x all4 ,i _h to appe> at eight o'clock next morn+ & make my =mal *>ge aga9/ ,boyde1 9 ! ,tombs ,police ,c\rt--! ,tombs1 ( all places6--& ) t ?\ght 9 my m9d ,i fell asleep4 ,,*apt] ,,xxiv ,boyde came up ) ! fir/ bat* ( prison]s4 ,! port5t\s %ad[ ( ! ,tombs prison1 ) its =bidd+ ar*itecture1 hung ov] ! :ole sc5e4 ,my fir/ sight ( him 0 sitt+ among ! r[s ( prison]s1 wait+ to be call$4 ,he look$ ill & brok51 he made a plead+ sign to me4 ,z a report] ,i _h ! "r to int]view anybody & ev]ybody1 & ,i made my way along ! s]ri$ wood5 b5*es4 ,lawl] sat next him1 look+ v pleas$ to h secur$ 8 prison]1 & a good /ory into ! b>ga91 )\t any tr\ble to himself2 b :5 ,i tri$ to %ake h&s ) ,boyde1 ,i f\nd to my horror t he 0 h&cuff$4 8,say1 boss1 be sure & git me "n spell$ "r1 & tell ! report]s t ,i effect$ ! arre/10 0 ! fir/ ?+ t ,lawl] said1 us+ ! phrase ! detectives always us$4 ,by promis+ ! man all he want$ & m besides1 ,i manag$ to get u all ?ree into a corn] :]e we c\ld talk )\t ev]ybody else he>+2 also ,i got ! h&cuffs tak5 (f1 = !y 7 q unnecess>y inside ! build+4 ,! fir/ ?+ ,boyde said 0 to beg = a dr9k2 he _h tak5 a lot ! night be=e1 8 ?roat 0 p>*$1 8 n]ves 7 bad4 ,at ! mom5t ?is 0 q impossible1 b ,i got "o = him 9 ! report]s' room aft] 8 case _h be5 call$4 ,! second ?+ he said 0 to beg me to 8keep x out ( ! pap]s10 ?\gh ?is1 ( c\rse1 lay q beyond my p[]s4 ,ap>t f ?is he said v little except to repeat & repeat t he 0 rep5tant1 & to beg me to )draw ! *>ge1 ?\gh ?is 0 n[ impossible1 ! matt] be+ out ( my h&s4 ,also1 he wond]$ :at ! s5t5ce w\ld be--he meant to plead guilty--& implor$ me to leave out ! =g]y4 ,he 0 v badly fright5$4 ,t e>ly morn+ h\r 9 ! /9k+ atmosph]e ( ! ov]-heat$ police c\rt 0 too gha/ly ev] to be =gott51 b !re 7 p>ticul> mom5ts :5 pa9 & pity1 to say no?+ ( o!r /rangely mix$ emotions1 /abb$ me ) peculi> f]ocity4 ,:5 ! report]s flock$ r\nd him l vultures aft] prey 0 "o ( ^!2 ano!r 0 :5 ,boyde /ood 9 front ( ! ,tammany magi/rate1 ,ryan by "n1 & plead$ guilty4 ,a mi/ake1 ?\gh n actually wrong1 _h crept into ! *>ge %eet4 ,9 my excitem5t ( ! night be=e ! am\nt /ol5 _h be5 ent]$ z #cb1 & ?\gh ?is 0 ! tru?1 ,i _h meant to make x only #be4 ,i 0 un9t5tionally to blame = ?is--x 0 n[ ,gr& ,l>c5y in/ead ( ,petit ,l>c5y4 ,a magi/rate c\ld only deal ) ! less] (f5ce1 & ,boyde !re=e 0 held = trial 9 ,g5]al ,sessions1 in/ead ( be+ s5t5c$ !n & !re4 ,! look he gave me z ,ryan spoke ! words 0 l a knife4 ,he believ$ ,i _h done ?is purposely4 ,a ?ird un=gettable mom5t 0 :5 he 0 be+ r\ghly pu%$ d[n/airs on 8 way to a cell 9 ! ,tombs3 he look$ back =lornly ov] 8 %\ld] at me4 ,9 ! report]s' room x 0 decid$ to pr9t ! 8,boyde /ory40 ,i knew all ! m52 ,acton ,davies 0 !re = ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 specially s5t d[n by ,mc,cloy4 ,! report]s dragg$ & tore at me4 ,i realiz$ :at 8int]view$0 victims felt :5 !y wi%$ to hide ev]y?+ away inside !mselves4 ,yet ! facts _h to be told2 x 0 be/ ,i %\ld give !m accurately1 if z briefly1 z l5i5tly1 z possible4 ,! sight ( all ^? vultures 7( :om1 incid5tally1 ,i 0 "o7 scribbl+ d[n busily ! details ( my intimate life ) ,boyde1 to be hawk$ lat] 9 ! /reets z news1 0 likewise a picture n easily =gott54 ,be=e ! ordeal 0 ov]1 ,lawl] return$ f ! cell4 ,he insi/$1 ) a w9k at me1 t he _h made ! arre/2 ! cr$it ( ! *ase he also claim$2 he _h1 too1 additional facts ab\t ,boyde's pa/ crim9al c>e] ( :i* ,i 0 q ignorant1 suppli$ by records at headqu>t]s4 ,lawl] int5d$ to get all ! adv]tisem5t = himself he c\ld4 ,i let 8 ly+ pass4 ,on ! :ole x seem$ be/ to let him be responsible = ! arre/2 x made ! /ory m commonplace1 &1 luckily1 s f>1 ,i _h n describ$ ?is sc5e4 ,an h\r lat] ,i 0 talk+ ) ,boyde betwe5 ! b>s ( 8 cell 9 ! ,tombs prison1 :ile1 two h\rs lat]1 e ev5+ pap] 9 ,new ,york _h a column or a column & a half ab\t u pr9t$ on its front page4 ,!re 7 sc>e headl9es ( atroci\s sort4 ,!re 7 po/]s1 too1 %[+ our names 9 big lett]s4 ,news t day happ5$ to be sc>ce1 & ! ,boyde /ory 0 8good /uff0 app>5tly4 ,! talk ) him 9 ! cell 0 "o ( _m2 he 0 !re six weeks be=e ! trial came on4 ,! pap]s f9i%$ him2 ! case 0 too notori\s = him ev] to sw9dle aga9 unless he *ang$ 8 "n4 ,!y sc>ifi$ him1 !y left out no detail1 !y hunt$ up a ?\s& new ones1 he _h 8cut a wide swa?0 7sic7 all ov] ,new ,york ,/ate1 z "o ( !m pr9t$4 ,i _h n m5tion$ ,paul9e ,m---- or ! pa/or's daught]1 yet bo? 7 includ$4 ,to see my own "n 9 pr9t = ! fir/ "t1 ! names ( my p>5ts1 & ( half ! pe]age z well1 0 bad en\gh2 to f9d myself class$ ) bad company g5]ally1 ) crooks & rogues1 ) %ady actresses1 ) crim9als1 0 decid$ly unpleasant4 ,p>agraphs my bro!r wrote to me appe>$ 9 ,london pap]s too4 ,copies ( ! ,new ,york ones 7 s5t to my fa!r4 8,too foxy = ,alg]non0 0 a headl9e he read out to my bro!r 9 8 libr>y4 ,boyde _h ev5 writt5 to him1 sign+ himself 8y\r c\s910 to ask = money = 8y\r poor son10 b _h receiv$ no reply4 ,!re is no ne$ n[ to m5tion names1 b any di/+ui%$ connexion ei!r ( u possess$ appe>$ 9 ! headl9es or ! article itself4 8,nephew ( an e>l held 9 #a1jjj bail10 8,c\s9 ( ,"l ,x10 8,scion ( ,briti% ,ari/ocracy a ,sneak-?ief10 7 "s ( ! descriptions4 8,son ( a du*ess 9 ! ,s\p10 0 ano!r4 ,! ,/aatszeitung _h a phrase :i* ?rew a mom5t>y light on an aspect ( l[] life 9 ! city1 :5 ,freytag1 ! ,g]man report] :o _h taught me h[ to write a c\rt /ory1 describ$ me z 8,sohn e9] sog5nant5 ,h]zog940 ,he only laugh$ :5 ,i spoke to him ab\t x4 8,h[ %\ld ,i "k10 he said sceptically4444 ,boyde came up 9 due c\rse be=e ,record] ,smy! 9 g5]al sessions1 ! mo/ sev]e & mo/ dread$ ( all ! judges4 ,he /ill wore my ?ick suit1 he wore also a pair ( ,h>d+ ,davis's boots1 &1 ,i believe1 some?+ else ( ,so!rn's4 ,8 s5t5ce 0 two ye>s 9 ! ,p5it5ti>y on ,blackwell ,isl&4 ,a gr\p ( o!r p he _h sw9dl$1 includ+ 8,arti/ ,palm]10 7 9 c\rt2 s 0 an assi/ant ( ,ikey's1 ) all our pawn$ articles4 ,e s+le ?+1 :e!r /ol5 goods or n1 0 return$ to me4 ,! doctor & ,kay 7 also !re4 ,"s ( 8 lett]s are a human docum5t3 ,tombs1 ,decemb]1 #ahib4 ,oh1 ,blackwood1 :at black trea*]y ,i return$ y = y\r _m k9dnesses1 base ly+ = all y\r /raight=w>d deal+ ) me6 ,y freely =gave me :at n9ety-n9e m5 out ( e hundr$ w\ld1 if n imprison$ me =1 c]ta9ly nev] h =giv5 me4 ,i return$ evil = good1 & y /ill bore ) me4 ,y said--,i %all nev] =get x1 = x 0 :5 y f\nd ! /amp torn (f y\r lett]--& ev5 at t mom5t ,i _h money 9 my pocket belong+ to y1 j z ,i _h :5 y %>$ y\r la/ #ej c5t4 piece t night at ,kris*es1 = ,i mu/ say ?is1 ?\gh ,i c\ld te> myself to pieces :5 ,i ?9k ( x--,y said1 #8,b4 h[ y mu/ hate me6' ,no1 ,blackwood1 x seems a p>adox1 b ,i c\ld n hate y if ,i tri$ to4 ,i don't say ?is because ,i am 9 prison1 or ) any desire to flatt]4 ,i am s9c]e 9 ev]y?+ ,i say & x comes f my he>t4 ,y h e reason to ?9k f my =m] actions t ,i am n s9c]e above rew>d1 b ,i am4 ,oh1 ! old1 b nev]!less true rem>k1 ,,too ,,late6 ,x comes home to me ) /rik+ & horrible vividness4 ,too ,late6 ,i h =feit$ ! respect ( e good & hone/ man1 h disgrac$ my ,engli% "n & my family4 ,b1 let me g4 ,five ye>s ( s]vice w be ! be/ ?+ = me4 ,i c enli/ "u ano!r "n & may p]haps get a commission 9 "t4 ,give me ! *ance ( r$eem+ myself1 please4 ,if ev] any man 0 s9c]ely rep5tant = ! pa/ ,i am t man4 ,,ar?ur ,b4 ,please excuse mi/akes & alt]ations4 ,i am s fe>fully %aky4 ,! ,tombs ,city ,prison1 ,c5tre ,/reet1 ,n4 ,y4 ,please read ?r\gh be=e de/roy+ x4 ,i h begg$ ano!r %eet ( pap] & /amp 9 ord] to make "o f9al appeal4 ,w y n come d[n aga9 on receipt ( ?is8 ,please d1 = ,god's sake4 ,no visitors are all[$ on ,new ,ye>'s ,day1 or on ,sunday4 ,new ,ye>'s ,day6 ,:at a new ye>'s day = me6 ,let me beg9 x afre%4 ,i h a fav\r to ask y :i* ,i mu/ ask y v]bally2 ,i _c put x on pap]4 ,x is gett+ d>k2 s once m ,i ask y1 ,i implore y1 to h m]cy on me = my "m's sake4 ,= h] sake sp>e ,,ar?ur ,b4 ,visit+ h\rs #aj-b4 ,i am speak+ ! tru? & no?+ b ! tru? :5 ,i say t ,i am s9c]ely sorry = all t ,i h done & implore y\r p>don4 ,?is is n an ins9c]e expression1 b "o f my he>t4 ,come d[n aga91 please1 ev5 to speak to me1 = y don't "k ! m5tal agony ,i am suff]+4 ,a4 ,b4 ,tombs ,city ,prison1 ,new ,ye>'s ,day4 ,x 0 m ?an k9d ( y to come all ! way d[n "h & !n aft] all n be able to see me2 n mu* loss to y1 x is true1 b a bitt] disappo9tm5t to me4 ,palm] came d[n & talk$ v k9dly to me & in/ill$ a little hope 9 me4 ,b ?is is a wret*$ ,new ,ye>'s ,day4 ,i 0 talk+ to an old convict ?is morn+1 a man :o 9 8 life has be5 ab\t sixte5 ye>s 9 jail1 & he said t if he _h only be5 let (f 9 ! fir/ in/ance ) a few days 9 "h1 he w\ld h be5 a diff]5t man to-day1 b aft] s]v+ "o t]m he became reckless & has n[ become a notori\s ?ief4 ,z ,i said to y1 ?9k ( me aft] #bj ye>s' p5al s]vitude4 ,blackwood1 won't y & ,palm] /ay y\r h&s once m8 ,i w leave ! c\ntry1 & if ev] ,i %\ld return y c\ld always h me arre/$4 ,i w nev] tr\ble y aga94 ,let me make a fre% />t once m4 ,%\ld y decide n to press ! *>ge y c g to ! ,di/rict ,attorney's ,(fice & in=m !m ( ! fact4 ,i once m implore y & ,palm] to h pity on me1 & please come & see me6 ,may ,i wi% y & ,palm] a bright & happy ,new ,ye>1 bright] & happi] ?an ! pa/ "o4 ,,ar?ur ,b4 ,_m ?anks = ! pap] & envelopes4 ,bless y6 ,! ,tombs4 ,v _m ?anks = y\r visit ye/]day4 ,x is ! only pleasure ,i h4 ,i believe :at y say is true--t ,i am reap+ ! result ( evil done 9 ! pa/ & t ! only real way to atone is to meet x squ>ely & accept my puni%m5t )\t grumbl+4 ,if ,k>ma is true1 x is j1 & ,i %all get :at ,i des]ve1 & n an iota m4 ,i _c tell y h[ grateful ,i am to y = be+ s l5i5t to me & ev5 writ+ to ! ,di/rict ,attorney on my behalf4 ,i am truly grateful1 ,blackwood4 ,please d n ?9k ,i am n sorry = :at ,i h done1 or t ,i am n really p5it5t1 = ,i am inde$4 ,x 0 bitt]ly cold la/ night & ,i 0 awfully glad to h my ov]coat1 & bless$ y = s5d+ x4 ,i "k y got x out ( pawn = me1 & t is ano!r k9dness4 ,aga91 = ! la/ "t probably1 ,i ?ank y = y\r _m acts ( k9dness4 ,i bitt]ly regret & e>ne/ly rep5t = ! mann] ,i treat$ y1 return+ evil = good1 & ,i %all ?9k mu* ( y :5 s]v+ my "t "u a blaz+ sun or 9 my cramp$ & *illy cell4 ,,ar?ur ,b4 ,tombs ,prison4 ,i h j be5 to ! ,c\rt ,h\se & plead$ guilty4 ,my s5t5ce is rem&$ till ,friday week4 ,if ,i c\ld only get t lawy] ,i might get ! s5t5ce r$uc$ a little4 ,b ,judge ,smy! is a v h>d man4 ,my small hopes 7 da%$ away on he>+ t y _h be5 subpna$ to g be=e ! ,gr& ,jury ?is morn+4 ,n[ all hope is gone2 only blank1 blank despair2 no hope1 all is d>k4 ,i wi% ,i c\ld die--mu* r t ?an suff] ?is awful remorse4 ,d y "k ,i sometimes ?9k ,i am go+ mad8 ,:5 ,i come out ,i %all be too old = ! army1 & :at else c a felon1 a crim9al1 a convict d8 ,is crime ! only refuge8 ,%all ,i s9k l[] & l[]8 ,w :at small s5se ( dec5cy & hon\r ,i h left be utt]ly de/roy$ & made call\s by prop9quity ) o!r crim9als8 ,:at a frightful nightm>e to conjure up6 ,nightm>e8 ,no1 x is only too true2 x is /]n1 inexorable reality4 ,?ank y = s5d+ ! clo!s4 ,i _h no *ange be=e4 ,bless y6 ,a4 ,b4 ,tombs ,city ,prison4 ,:at foll[s ,i wi% to write volunt>ily4 ,x is a ,confession & relieves me-- ,i c]ta9ly wi% to convey to y ! fact ( my s9c]e & deep sorr[ = ! %ameful mann] ,i treat$ y & abus$ y\r confid5ce & k9dness4 ,i fe> t "o ( my lett]s _c h rea*$ y1 z ,i am sure ,i wrote at l5g? on ?is subject4 ,y mi/ake & misjudge me :5 y ?9k x is only fe> t prompts me to write z ,i d4 ,my eyes are op5$ to ! enormity ( my pa/ crimes1 op5$ by ?9k+ & see+ ?+s 9 ! prop] light4 ,i h be5 alone ) my ?\ght = days n[1 & ,god kn[s h[ _m m days w pass ov] my head be=e ,i aga9 face ! _w4 ,x w relieve me to give y a full confession ( my trea*]y1 = ,i believe !re is no real rep5tance )\t real confession4 ,to beg9 ) ! editor4 ,i nev] _h a *ance ( ! position at ,rockaway1 al?\gh ! editor once said casually t he w\ld try & f9d me "s simil> position4 ,i li$ to y all ?r\gh 9 t1 = ,i wi%$ y to ?9k ,i _h prospects ( pay+ "w 9 view4 ,:5 y us$ to come d[n ) me to ,frankl9 ,/reet 7,h>p]'s7 ,i wait$ ab\t up/airs & look$ at books1 etc41 & !n came d[n & concoct$ "s lies ab\t :at ,i _h said & done4 ,i once borr[$ #ae f him 7,ri*>d ,h>d+ ,davis1 ,editor 8,h>p]'s ,weekly07 & said !y 7 = y4 ,my deal+s ) ,so!rn 7 t he f "t to "t l5t me money1 "s #ej 9 all1 & gave me a position at t5 doll>s a week4 ,i told him :5 borr[+ t ! money 0 = y\r doctor1 & :5 borr[+ m ,i said y _h wa/$ x 9 dr9k4 ,i ask$ him to ca% sev]al ( ! *eques ,i =g$1 b he w\ld nev] d ?is4 ,i 0 paid up 9 full by ! manag] & also = ! extra p]=mances ( ! 8,disreputable ,mr4 ,reag540 ,i little ?\ght :5 ,i 0 play+ ,m]ivale's "p t ,i %\ld act x true to life4 ,) ,mr4 ,beattie ,i li$ all ?r\gh4 ,he nev] _h any money ( m9e or knew my "m or ev] he>d f h]4 ,he nev] bail$ me out1 & ,i nev] us$ to see him z ,i said ,i did4 ,y & ,palm] ?\ght t ,i sp5t "s "t 9 jail ?is summ]1 b ,i w\ld r n say any?+ 9 writ+ ab\t t4 ,my deal+s ) ,palm] 7 t ,i borr[$ money f him & said x 0 = y4 ,i also w5t to y\r bank] acqua9tance & borr[$ tw5ty-five doll>s = a speciali/1 say+ x 0 at y\r reque/4 ,i did pawn ! ov]coat y gave me to po/ to ,kay1 & t "t y =gave me = /eal+ y\r money ,i _h 9 my pocket ! proce$s ( ?ree /ories ( y\rs ,i _h giv5 ! ,sun1 & !y _h paid =4 ,b1 ev5 9 ! face ( y\r =giv5ess1 ,i want$ ?is money s mu* = my indulg5ces t ,i c\ld n face ! privation ( h&+ x ov] to y4 ,i li$ 9 ! face ( y\r k9dness & g5]osity1 & :5 y ev5 ne$$ food ,i 0 go+ ab\t dr9k+ & womaniz+ & sp5d+ freely4 ,:5 my funds 7 exhau/$ ,i came back to y1 = ,i knew y w\ld always =give me4 ,x is awful4 ,no wond] y want to see me g to prison4 ,i am z wick$ a man z ev] liv$1 ,i believe4 ,i wond] :at caus$ me to tell su* lies4 ,am ,i a natural born li>8 ,x seems l x4 ,y wrong me 9 "o ?+--9 ?9k+ my sorr[ is %am & prompt$ by fe> & ! hope ( gett+ (f4 ,i _c f9d words to express my contrition4 ,believe me1 ,i w\ld d any?+ 9 my p[]1 & w d1 :5 my t]m is up1 to make rep>ation4 ,i submit to ! inevitable4 ,i c imag9e some?+ n[ ( :at y mu/ h suff]$ :5 ,i left y alone )\t food or money ^? f\r days & nights4 ,i ?9k1 h[ev]1 ! wor/ ?+ ,i did 0 tell+ ! pa/or's daught] t y tri$ to prev5t our meet+ because y wi%$ me to m>ry "o ( y\r si/]s1 ?\gh ,i d n "k1 ( c\rse1 :e!r y h any ev54 ,t1 & ! tak+ ! /amps (f y\r lett]s s t ,i c\ld get be]1 seem to weigh mo/ heavily ) me n[ 9 my d>kness & lonel9ess4 ,i d n "k :at my s5t5ce w be--heavy1 ,i suspect1 unless ,i c get someone to plead = me1 & ,i h n a s+le solit>y fri5d to d t4 ,i am utt]ly alone4 ,i h be5 9 ?is cell n[ tw5ty-"o days1 & h a week m be=e s5t5ce is giv54 ,x seems l six mon?s4 ,no "o c realize :at prison is l till !y h tri$ x4 ,believe me1 ,i am deeply & truly sorry4 ,i speak f my he>t4 ,?9k ( me z k9dly z y c :5 ,i am 9 ! ,p5it5ti>y4 ,i hope ,i %all see y once m4 ,,ar?ur ,b4 ,i saw ,boyde twice 9 my life aft]w>ds2 ,i he>d1 indirectly1 f him once3 ! prison *apla9 wrote to ask = 88 ?+s0 :i*1 ,boyde told him1 ,i 8insi/$ ^u keep+40 ,he nev] _h any 8?+s0 at all :ile ,i knew him2 ! lett] 0 indignant & (f5sive4 ,boyde _h evid5tly 8told a tale0 to ! *apla94 ,! fir/ "t ,i saw him 0 "s eighte5 mon?s aft] he _h be5 s5t up1 good behavi\r evid5tly hav+ %ort5$ 8 t]m4 ,i 0 walk+ up ,irv+ ,place & saw him sudd5ly ab\t fifty y>ds 9 front ( me4 ,x 0 my own ?ick suit ,i recogniz$ fir/1 !n its we>]4 ,i in/9ctively call$ out 8 "n4 ,he turn$1 look$ at me1 hurri$ on1 & w5t r\nd ! corn] into #ba/ ,/reet4 ,once r\nd ! corn]1 he mu/ h run l a h>e1 = :5 ,i ent]$ ! /reet too1 he _h disappe>$4 ,! second1 & la/1 "t ,i saw him 0 9 ,london t5 ye>s lat]--at a book/all 9 ,*>+ ,cross /ation4 ,he saw me1 h[ev]1 fir/1 or be=e ,i c\ld come close en\gh to speak1 & he melt$ away into ! cr[d ) swift & accompli%$ ease4 ,i 0 ne> en\gh1 ?\gh1 to note t he _h gr[n 8 heavy m\/a*e aga91 /ill wore 8 eyeglass1 & 0 sm>tly1 ev5 prosp]\sly1 dress$4 ,he look$ v little old]4 ,f ,lynwood ,palm]1 :om ,i met soon aft]w>ds 9 ,piccadilly1 ,i he>d t my old employ]1 ! ,horse1 _h se5 him at ,tatt]salls n long be=e1 & t he1 ,boyde1 _h come & begg$ ,palm] n to give him away z he 0 8aft] "s ,jews only06 ,arti/ ,palm] took no action4 ,,*apt] ,,xxv ,mc,cloy took me back on ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 accord+ to 8 promise1 ab\t mid-,janu>y1 & ab\t ! same "t ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 sold h] h\se & mov$ to ano!r l[] d[n ! /reet1 almo/ opposite to ! doctor's4 ,!re 7 no insects1 all our ?+s 7 out ( pawn1 we _h ov]coats aga91 b we _h to f9d a new ,ikey1 = ! old ,ikey1 ( c\rse1 w\ld h no?+ m to d ) our tr\s]s1 glad/one bag1 top hat & t5nis cups4 ,! ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet *apt] 0 clos$ :5 ,boyde w5t to ,blackwell ,isl&2 ano!r 9 ! same /reet _h begun3 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 begg$ u to move ) h]3 we ow$ h] big arre>s ( r5t2 also1 = "s odd reason1 %e really lik$ u4 ,9 h] odd way %e ev5 tri$ to "m me1 z ?\gh h] int]e/1 some:]e p]haps h] pity too1 7 t\*$4 8,y haf _h dr\ble 9 ,engl&1 ,i subbose80 %e h9t$ sympa!tically4 ,%e _h read ! newspap]s c>efully1 & c\ld n und]/& :y ,i %\ld be exil$ 9 pov]ty 9 ?is way unless ,i _h done some?+ %ady at home4 ,x foll[$ t ,i _h be5 s5t out to ,am]ica = my c\ntry's good4 ,%e %>$1 t is1 ! view mo/ p took ( my position 9 ,new ,york4 ,only ?ree mon?s _h pass$ s9ce we arriv$1 b x seem$ ye>s4 ,i _h nev] liv$ any:]e else4 ,! %elt]$ ,engli% life1 ! ,canadian adv5tures1 above all ! mon?s ^u our happy isl&1 lay f> away d[n ! wrong end ( a telescope1 small1 di/ant pat*es1 brightly col\r$1 lit by a radiant sun1 remote1 incr$ible4 ,x 0 n myself b ano!r p]son ,i wat*$ mov+ across ^! m9iature maps ( memory4 ,^? happy days1 /ates1 places1 ^? c>eless1 sangu9e moods1 ^? =m] po9ts ( view s bright ) hope1 seem$ gone = ev]4 ,i n[ liv$ 9 a _w :]e ,i belong$4 ,i %\ld nev] climb out aga94 ,! int5sity ( emotion at ! "t is difficult to realize n[1 & q impossible to recapture4 ,i only "k t my feel+s burn$ l fire1 all ! fi]c]1 ( c\rse1 = be+ in>ticulate4 ,! exagg]ation 0 natural en\gh2 ev]y?+ 0 out ( proportion 9 me3 ,boyde _h de/roy$ my fai? 9 p4 ,i believ$ 9 no "o4 ,! doctor _h said t to lose belief 9 o!rs made life insupportable4 ,i f\nd t /atem5t true4 ,!re 0 a deep bitt]ness 9 my he>t t = a "t 0 m ?an ,i c\ld manage1 & ?is di/ru/ & bitt]ness l$ me into an act ( cruelty t %ames me to ?is day4 ,into ! ro> & ?und] ( t fr5zi$ newspap] (fice /ole a hesitat+ figure "o aft]noon1 a %y y\? ) rosy *eeks & curly hair1 dress$ 9 %abby b well-cut clo!s1 & obvi\sly an ,engli%man4 ,he wore gloves & c>ri$ a 8cane02 ^! m>k$ him z a 8,briti%]0 at once4 ,he 0 ask+ = someone2 f+]s 7 po9t$ at me2 he 0 fa9tly famili>2 ,i _h se5 ! face be=e--b :]e8 ,he came ov] & introduc$ himself z ,cald]1 son ( a ,midl& coa*-build]2 we _h met at "s place or o!r--outside a /udio door1 ,i ?9k--& he knew ,kay4 ,i =get :at he 0 do+ 9 ,new ,york---idl+1 ,i ?9k1 or travell+4 ,he _h outliv$ 8 ca%1 at any rate4 ,he 0 9 difficulties4 ,i di/ru/$ him in/antly4 ,he 01 ( c\rse1 ano!r ,boyde4 ,i gave him ! curte/ possible greet+4 ,he1 9 turn1 f\nd ! greate/ possible difficulty 9 tell+ me 8 /ory4 ,i 0 sitt+ at ! report]s' table 9 %irt-sleeves 7ow+ to ! suffocat+ temp]ature ( ! ov]-heat$ (fice71 scribbl+ at top spe$ ! details ( "s lurid 8/ory10 :ile ,cald] told me 8 tale4 ,he want$ to :isp]1 b ! noise =c$ him to %\t1 & ?is disconc]t$ him4 ,no "o li/5$1 h[ev]2 he _h m]ely br\ght a 8/ory0 94 ,he _h--b x 0 8 own /ory4 ,i h q =gott5 :at x 01 or :at _h happ5$ to him2 only ! ma9 po9t ,i rememb]3 he _h n[h]e to sleep4 ,( 8 /ory ,i did n believe a s+le ^w1 ?\gh ,i did believe t he _h no b$4 8,c ,i bunk ) y to-night80 he came f9ally to ! po9t4 ,i told him he mo/ c]ta9ly c\ld n4 ,he refus$ to believe me4 ,i assur$ him ,i meant x4 ,i 0 8 la/ hope1 he said1 ) a n]v\s gr94 ,i told him to try a doss-h\se4 ,he gr9n$ & giggl$ & flu%$--!n ?ank$ me6 ,x w\ld only be = a night or two1 he urg$4 8,y c't possibly let me walk ! /reets all night60 ,i repli$ t "o ,boyde _h be5 en\gh = me4 ,i _h le>nt my lesson1 he c\ld walk ! /reets = ! re/ ( 8 life = all ,i c>$4 ,he giggl$1 /ill refus+ to believe ,i meant x4 ,8 fa!r 0 s5d+ money4 ,he w\ld repay me4 ,he w5t on plead+4 ,i aga9 repeat$ t ,i c\ld n take him 94 ,he left1 /ill ?ank+ me & blu%+4 ,visions ( ano!r ,boyde 7 9 my m9d4 ,at ! "t1 moreov]1 our pov]ty 0 worse ?an x ev] _h be54 ,boyde1 ,i f\nd1 _h sold six ( my ,fr5* /ories to ,mc,cloy at #e ea*1 & _h pocket$ ! money4 ,my sal>y 0 n[ be+ dock$ five doll>s ea* week till ?is #cj 0 paid (f4 ,we _h1 !re=e1 only t5 doll>s a week betwe5 ! two ( u4 ,ev]y?+ 0 9 pawn aga91 & times 7 extra h>d4 ,to h ,cald] liv+ on u 0 out ( ! "q1 = once he got 9 we %\ld nev] get him out4 ,i 0 tir$ ( crim9al p>asites4 ,x 0 my head t argu$ ?us2 9 my he>t ,i knew p]fectly well t ,cald] 0 guileless1 innoc5t z milk1 an hone/1 feckless1 /upid fell[ :o 0 9 g5u9e difficulty = ! mom5t1 b :o w\ld nev] sponge on u1 & c]ta9ly d no?+ mean4 ,consci5ce prick$ me--= half an h\r p]haps2 9 ! /ress & excitem5t ( ! day ,i !n =got him4 ,t ev5+ ,acton ,davis1 ! dramatic critic1 gave me a !atre seat1 on condition t ,i wrote ! notice = him4 ,x 0 aft] elev5 :5 ,i rea*$ home4 ,curl$ up 9 my b$1 s\nd asleep1 8 clo!s neatly fold$ on ! *air1 lay ,cald]4 ,x 0 ,febru>y & freez+ cold4 ,kay 0 away = ! week1 try+ a new play at ,m\nt ,v]non1 :]e he slept4 ,!re 0 no reason :y ,i %\ld n h let ,cald] sp5d at lea/ "o w>m night 9 ! room4 ,b1 ap>t f ! %ock ( annoyance at f9d+ him asleep 9 my own b$1 & ap>t f a mom5t's ang] at 8 cool impud5ce1 ! />tl+ p>allel ) ,boyde 0 vividly unpleasant4 ,x 0 ,boyde ,no4 #b ,i saw sleep+ 9 my b$4 ,if ,i let him /ay "o night ,i %\ld nev] get rid ( him at all4 #aj a week among ?ree6 ,cald] mu/ take up 8 b$ & walk4 ,i woke him & told him to dress & leave ! room4 ,i wat*$ him dress1 he>d him plead1 he>d him describe ! freez+ wea!r1 describe 8 walk+ ! /reets all night )\t a c5t 9 8 pockets4 ,he blu%$ & giggl$ all ! "t4 ,x 0 "s m9utes be=e he believ$ ,i 0 9 e>ne/1 be=e he crawl$ out ( b$2 x 0 mu* long] be=e he 0 dress$ & ready to g4444 ,i saw him d[n ! /airs & ?r\gh ! front door & out into ! bitt] /reet4 ,i gave him a doll>1 :i* repres5t$ two days' meals = me1 & w\ld pay a b$ 9 a doss-h\se = him4 ,:5 he 0 gone ,i sp5t a wret*$ night1 a%am$ ( myself ?r\gh & ?r\gh4 ,x really 0 ,boyde :o turn$ him out1 b ! excuse _h no com=t 9 x4 ,! little incid5t rema9s unk9dly vivid2 ,i /ill see x2 x happ5s ov] aga92 ! fooli%1 good-natur$ face1 ! blu%es & %yness1 ! implicit belief 9 my own k9dness1 ! r$ *eeks & curly hair--go+ ?r\gh ! front door into ! bitt] /reets4 ,x all /&s out4 ,%ame & remorse g up & d[n 9 me :ile ,i write x n[1 a belat$ confession4444 ,i nev] saw ,cald] aga94 ,ano!r ?+ t /ill %ames me is our treatm5t ( old greasy ,"m ,b]n/e94 ,?\gh a little ?+1 ?is likewise keeps vividly alive4 ,a 8little0 ?+6 ,! big ?+s1 inv>iably ) ext5uat+ circum/ances t furni% modify+ excuses & com=t+ explanations1 are less /++ 9 ! memory4 ,x is ! little ?+s t pi]ce & burn & prick = ye>s to come4 ,9 my treatm5t ( ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 at any rate1 lay an alleviat+ t\* ( com$y4 ,9 ! end1 too1 ! debt 0 paid4 ,twelve mon?s lat]--x seem$ a p]iod ( ye>s--,kay got sudd5ly f a bro!r #ajj--;an enorm\s sum2 :ile ,i _h twice receiv$ f my bro!r1 ,god bless him6 po/-(fice ord]s = #aj4 ,?is 0 a long "t ahead yet1 b ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 ev5tually receiv$ h] due ) our s9c]e/ ?anks4 ,%e _h mov$ to ano!r h\se 9 ,lafayette ,place by !n4 ,we paid up & left h]1 ,kay go+ to "o bo>d+-h\se1 ,i to ano!r4 ,! paym5t 9 full1 at any rate1 reliev$ my consci5ce1 = ! way we bulli$ t poor old ,jewess 0 inexcusable4 ,! excuse ,i f\nd seem$ adequate at ! "t1 h[ev]--we mu/ fright5 h] or be turn$ out4 ,ea* "t %e press$ = paym5t1 out came my heavy artill]y2 imag9>y insects1 ?reats ( newspap] articles1 blu/]1 bluff & bully+ ( e description1 (t5 r$uc+ h] to te>s1 & a f9al indignant volley to ! effect t 8,if y don't tru/ u1 we _h bett] g2 9 fact1 if ?is occurs aga91 we %all g60 ,m ?an once we pret5d$ to pack up2 m ?an once ,i ann\nc$ t we _h f\nd o!r rooms2 8,next ,monday ,i %all pay y ! few doll>s we owe1 & leave y\r h\se1 & y w read an acc\nt ( y\r conduct 9 ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e940 ,%e inv>iably came to heel4 8,i ask my hosp&0 _h no sequel4 ,by fright5+ & bully+ h]1 ,i /ay$ on & on & on1 ow+ mon?s' & mon?s' r5t & breakfa/2 our asc5dancy ov] h] 0 complete4 ,x 01 none ! less1 a %ameful bus9ess1 = at ! "t x seem$ d\btful if we %\ld ev] be 9 a position to pay ! k9d old woman any?+ at all4444 ,! fifte5 mon?s ,i n[ sp5t report+ = ! ,ev5+ ,sun at fifte5 doll>s a week lie 9 ! m9d l a smudg$ blur ( dre>y wret*$ness1 a few incid5ts only /&+ out4444 ,! desire = ! drug 0 conqu]$1 ! old doctor 0 dead1 ,kay _h obta9$ a position ) a firm 9 ,ex*ange ,place1 :]e he made a small1 unc]ta9 income 9 a bus9ess t 0 an absolute my/]y to me1 ! buy+ & sell+ ( ex*ange betwe5 banks4 ,l\is ,b---- _h mean:ile arriv$1 )\t a c5t to 8 "n4 ,x 0 a long & bitt] p]iod1 ?ree ( u 9 a small room aga91 b at lea/ an hone/ ?ree4 ,l\is's ,fr5* temp]am5t ran to abs9!--:5 he c\ld get x4 ,he us$ ! mattress on ! floor1 :ile ,kay & ,i %>$ ! b$ betwe5 u4 ,our clo!s 7 useless to ! %ort1 rotund little ,fr5*man2 z ! weeks pass$ he look$ m & m l a pantomime figure 9 ! /reets1 & :5 he w5t to give 8 r>e ,fr5* & ,spani% lessons he nev] d>$ to take (f 8 ov]coat 7:i* he _h manag$ to keep7 ev5 9 ! hotte/ room1 nor dur+ ! mo/ torrid ( summ] days4 ,(t5 he d>$ n unbutton ! coll> he turn$ up ab\t 8 neck1 affirm+ ) mu* affect$ c\gh+ t he _h a 8dreadful ?roat40 ,he 01 by nature & habit1 an invet]ate cig>ette smok]2 a cig>ette1 inde$1 meant m to him ?an a meal1 & ,i c /ill see him crawl+ ab\t ! floor ( ! room on all f\rs 9 ! e>ly morn+1 8hunt+ snipe10 z he call$ x--9 o!r words1 look+ = fag-ends4 ,he 0 ei!r extremely sangu9e or extremely depress$2 9 ! =m] mood he plann$ ! mo/ allur+ & m>vell\s s*emes1 9 ! latt] he talk$ ( suicide4 ,8 wife1 :om he de>ly lov$1 _h a baby soon aft] 8 arrival4 ,he suff]$ a good deal4444 ,he 0 a great addition to our p>ty1 if at ! same "t a great dra9 on our purse4 ,8 ke51 mat]iali/ic ,fr5* m9d 0 v eag]1 logical1 well-in=m$1 & critical 9 a de/ructive s5se1 an iconocla/ if ev] !re 0 "o4 ,all =ms ( belief 7 idols x 0 8 great delight to de/roy2 fai? 0 sup]/ition2 cosmogonies 7 inv5tions ( m5 ^: natural feebl5ess =c$ !m to seek some?+ bigg] & m wond]ful ?an !mselves2 cre$s1 f primitive animism to ,buddhism & ,*ri/ianity1 71 simil>ly1 man-made1 ) a dose ( pret5ti\s e?ics ?r[n 92 :ile s\l1 _s1 survival aft] dea?1 7 creations ( human vanity & egoism1 & _h n a s+le atom ( evid5ce to support !m f ! beg9n+ ( ! _w to date4 ,naturally1 he disbeliev$ ev]y?+ t ,i believ$1 &1 naturally1 too1 our argum5ts left u bo? precisely :]e we />t$4 ,b !y help$ ! ev5+s1 (t5 hungry ev5+s1 to pass )\t monotony2 & :51 z sometimes ?\gh b r>ely happ5$1 ,l\is _h come by a drop ( abs9!1 monotony 0 entirely =gott54 ,he w\ld sit cross$-legg$ on 8 mattress1 8 br[n eyes sp>kl+ 9 ! r\nd little face1 8 ?ick curly black hair look+ l /iff wire1 8 podgy h&s ge/iculat+1 8 language voluble 9 ,fr5* & ,engli% mix$1 8 infecti\s laught] r++ & bubbl+ out f "t to "t--& ! ev5+ w\ld pass l magic4 ,he 0 *>g$ ) poetry & music too4 ,on abs9! ev5+s1 inde$1 x 0 difficult to get any sleep at all 444 & ! fir/ ?+ 9 ! morn+ he w\ld be hunt+ = 8snipe0 on all f\rs1 curs+ life & fate1 9 a black depression :i* made him ?9k ( suicide1 & look+ l a yell[ ,*9ese ,god ( ,luck t _h come to life4 ,hung] 0 agony to him1 b1 oddly en\gh1 he nev] grew less rotund4 ,he p>ticul>ly enjoy$ s++ :at he call$ la messe noire ) a/oni%+ v>iations 9 8 high falsetto4 ,?is 8mass0 0 p]=m$ by all ?ree ( u to a pla/]-ca/ faun an arti/ _h giv5 me 9 ,toronto4 ,x _h come 9 ! pack+-case ) our o!r ?+s1 ?is ,donatello1 & we set x on ! mantelpiece1 fill$ a sauc] ) melt$ c&le /ol5 f a bo>d]'s room1 lit ! piece ( /r+ :i* s]v$ = wick1 & turn$ ! gas out4 ,9 ! d>k5$ room ! fauni% face le]$ & mov$1 z ! flick]+ light f bel[ set ! %ad[s %ift+ ab\t its features2 ! fiddle1 ,l\is's ?9 falsetto1 ,kay's bass1 badly out ( tune1 & my own voice ?r[n 9 z well1 produc$ a volume ( s\nd ! o!r bo>d]s /rongly object$ to--at "o o'clock 9 ! morn+4 ,yet ! only "t ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9 came to compla91 %e got no f>!r ?an ! door3 ,l\is _h a blanket ov] 8 head & %\ld]s1 ,kay 0 9 8 night-%irt1 :i* 0 a day-%irt really1 ! old ,irv+ wig ly+ crook$ on 8 head1 & ,i 0 b half dress$1 fiddl+ = all ,i 0 wor?4 ,! d>k5$ room1 ! ?ree figures pass+ to & fro & *ant+1 ! /range weird face ( ! faun1 x by ! flick]+ flame f bel[1 />tl$ h] s t %e /ood /ock-/ill on ! ?re%old )\t a ^w4 ,! next second %e 0 gone4444 ,:at ev5tually happ5$ to ,l\is ,i nev] knew4 ,mon?s lat] he mov$ to a room up-t[n4 ,we lo/ track ( "o ano!r1 & ,i h no idea h[ fate behav$ to him 9 aft]-life4 ,he 0 ?irty-five :5 he sang ! messe noire1 hunt$ snipe1 & gave occasional lessons 9 ,fr5* & ,spani%4 ,^! trivial little memories rema9 vivid = "s reason4 ,to my preci\s ,sundays 9 ,bronx ,p>k1 or f>!r afield :5 ! days grew long]1 he came too1 & ,kay came ) him4 ,we %>$ ! teapot & t9 mug ,i /ill kept hidd5 beh9d a b\ld]1 we %>$ ! fire ,i always made--nei!r ( my companions %>$ my mood ( happ9ess4444 ,i 0 glad :5 !y bo? refus$ to get up & />t at eight1 pref]r+ to sp5d ! morn+ 9 b$4 ,= mon?s & mon?s ,i nev] miss$ a s+le ,sunday1 wet or f9e1 = ^! out+s 7 life to me1 & ,i made a r\gh lean-to t kept ! ra9 (f 9 bad wea!r4444 ,! c>-f>e 0 only #cj c5ts1 bo? ways2 bread & a lump ( *eese provid$ two meals2 !re 7 few ,sundays :5 ,i did n get at lea/ sev5 or eight h\rs ( int5se happ9ess among ! trees & wild /ret*es ( :at 0 to me a v]itable ,ed5 ( delight4444 ,no?+ exp]i5c$ 9 lat] life1 t5d] or gr&iose1 nei!r ! spl5d\r ( ! ,alps1 ! maje/y ( ! ,caucasus1 ! my/]y ( ! des]t1 ! magic ( spr+ 9 ,italy or ! grim wond] ( ! real backwoods :i* ,i ta/$ lat] too--none ( ^! produc$ ! /range & subtle ec/asy ( happ9ess ,i f\nd on ^? ,sundays 9 ! wa/es ( scrubby ,bronx ,p>k1 a few miles f 8,noo ,york ,city40 444 ,x 01 ( c\rse1 b ! raw mat]ial1 s to speak1 ( beauty1 :i* inde$ is true always ( 8sc5]y0 z a :ole1 b x 0 possible to f9d detail :i*1 gr\p$ toge!r1 made un=gettable pictures by ! score4 ,?\gh depriv$ ( te*nique1 ,i c\ld see ! pictures ,i ne$ nev] ?9k ( pa9t+4 ,! selection ( significant detail 9 sc5]y is ! secret ( enjoym5t1 = su* selection c be almo/ endless4444 ,! h\rs pass$ too quickly always1 b !y provid$ ! en]gy to face :at1 to me1 0 ! unadult]at$ mis]y ( ! week to foll[4 ,a book 0 9 my pocket & ,%elley 0 9 my memory4 ,f ! tram to ! trees 0 half a mile1 p]haps1 b ) ! fir/ sight ( ^!1 ) ! fir/ sc5t ( leaves & e>?1 ! fir/ t\* ( ! w9d ( op5 spaces on my tongue1 my joy rose l a great sea-wave1 & ! city life1 ) all its hide\sness1 0 utt]ly =gott54 ,:at occupi$ my m9d dur+ ^? sev5 or eight h\rs x w\ld be t$i\s to describe4444 ,i 01 besides1 hopelessly in>ticulate 9 ^? e>ly days2 conclusions ,i arriv$ at 7 rea*$ by feel+1 n by ?9k+2 "o1 9 p>ticul>1 ab\t :i* ,i felt s positive t ,i knew x 0 true1 ,i c\ld no m h express$ 9 words ?an ,i c\ld h fl[n or made a million4 ,?is p>ticul> conclusion t ! ,sundays 9 ,bronx ,p>k gave me has1 naturally1 be5 express$ by o!rs f> bett] ?an ,i c\ld ev] express x1 b ! fir/ "t ,i came across ! passage1 p]haps a doz5 ye>s lat] 9 ,london1 my ?\ght in/antly fla%$ back to ! teapot1 ! t9 mug1 & ! b\ld] 9 ,bronx ,p>k :5 ! same conviction _h burn$ into my own untaught m9d3 8,"o conclusion 0 =c$ ^u my m9d 444 & my impression ( its tru? has ev] s9ce rema9$ un%ak54 ,x is t our normal wak+ consci\sness1 rational consci\sness z we call x1 is b "o special type ( consci\sness1 :il/ all ab\t u1 p>t$ f x by ! filmie/ ( scre5s1 !re are pot5tial =ms ( consci\sness entirely diff]5t4 ,we may g ?r\gh life )\t suspect+ _! exi/5ce2 b apply ! requisite /imulus & at a t\* !y are !re 9 all _! complet5ess2 def9ite types ( m5tality :i* probably some:]e h _! field ( application & adaptation4 ,no acc\nt ( ! univ]se 9 its totality c be f9al :i* leaves ^! o!r =ms ( consci\sness q disreg>d$4 ,at any rate1 !y =bid a premature clos+ ( our acc\nts ) reality4 ,! :ole drift ( my education goes to p]suade me t ! _w ( our pres5t consci\sness is only "o out ( _m worlds ( consci\sness t exi/1 & t ^! o!r worlds mu/ conta9 exp]i5ces :i* h a mean+ = our life also4444 ,! insight 9 ^! o!r /ates has a keynote inv>iably ( reconciliation4 ,x is z if ! opposites ( ! _w1 ^: contradictions & conflict make all our difficulties & tr\bles1 7 melt+ into unity40#a #a 8,v>ieties ( ,religi\s ,exp]i5ce40 ,william ,james4 ,! immortal may m+le ) c]ta9 moods1 p]haps1 especially :5 viol5t contra/ und]lies ! transition1 & :5 deep ye>n+s1 suppress$ equally ) viol5ce1 f9d _! sudd5 radiant outlet4 ,s9ce ^? ,bronx ,p>k days1 :5 ,nature caught me ) su* pr(\nd1 uplift+ magic1 yet :5 ?\ght 0 dumb & in>ticulate1 ,i am = ev] com+ across neat expressions by bett] m9ds ?an m9e ( :at ,i !n felt1 & ev5 believ$ ,i knew1 9 "s unimag9$ way4 ,nature drew me1 p]haps1 away f life1 :ile at ! same "t !re gl[$ 9 my he>t /range unrealizable desires to help life1 to assi/ at h] ,utopian developm5t1 to "w myself to ! bone = ! improvem5t ( humanity4 ,! contradiction1 silly & high-fl[n ?\gh x n[ s\nds1 0 !n true4 ,inext+ui%able fires to ?is end blaz$ 9 me1 bo? m9d & he>t 7 lit]ally on fire4 ,my failure ) ,boyde1 my meanness ) ,cald]1 to m5tion no grav] lapses1 bo? bit deep1 b ! int5se long+ to lose my ,self 9 "s ,utopian cause 0 z /rong z ! o!r long+ to be lo/ 9 ! he>t ( "s un/a9$ & spl5did wild]ness ( natural beauty4 ,& ! conflict puzzl$ me4 ,be+ in>ticulate1 ,i c\ld n ev5 f9d relief 9 words1 ?\gh1 z m5tion$1 ,i h (t5 s9ce discov]$ my feel+s ( ^? di/ant days express$ neatly en\gh by o!rs4 ,only a few days ago ,i came across an in/ance3 8,if ,nature cat*es ! s\l "y x is lo/ to humanity10 groans ,l]oy1 9 a truly significant book ( #aibb4b #b 8,! ,int]pret]s10 by ,a4 ,e4 ,! *>act]s 8int]pret0 ! 8relation ( ! politics ( ,"t to ! politics ( ,et]nity40 8,no1 no10 replies ! poet4 8,! e>? _s does n draw u aside f life4 ,h[ c\ld t :i* is fa!r & "m ( u all lead u to err f ! law ( our be+80 ,&1 aga91 z ,i sat puzzl+ ab\t ! amaz+ horror ( :at 0 call$ ! ,civilization ( ! ,new ,_w1 & d\btless mak+ ! commonplace mi/ake ( ?9k+ t ,new ,york ,city 0 ,am]ica3-- 8,e great civilization1 ,i ?9k1 has a ,deity beh9d x1 or a div9e %eph]d :o guid$ x on "s plan 9 ! cosmic imag9ation4 #8,behold1' said an anci5t ,oracle1 #8h[ ! ,heav5s glitt] ) intellectual sections4'444 ,^! are ar*etypal images we foll[ dimly 9 our evolution40 8,h[ d y conceive ( ^! p[]s z affect+ civilization80 8,i believe !y are inc>nate 9 ! race2 m 9 ! gr\p ?an 9 ! individual2 & !y t5d to br+ ab\t an or*e/ration ( ! g5ius ( ! race1 to make manife/ 9 "t _! portion ( et]nal beauty44440#c #c ,ibid4 ,my conception ( ! univ]se1 at any rate1 9 ^! e>ly days 0 imag9ative entirely2 ! critical function1 :i* comes ) great] k1 ) reason1 ) full] exp]i5ce1 lay :olly dormant4 ,i commun$ ) bo? gods & devils4 ,new ,york /ok$ ! furnace--provid$ ! contra/s4 ,exp]i5ce1 v sl[ly1 furni%$ ! files & s&-pap] :i* lay b>e :at may be real b5ea? by rubb+ away ! pretty gilt4 ,c]ta9 convictions ( ^? f> days1 h[ev]1 /ood ! te/1 :atev] t te/ may be wor?1 & h ju/ifi$ !mselves to me ) lat] ye>s z assur$ly n gilt4 ,t unity ( life is true1 & t our normal human consci\sness is b "o type1 & a some:at insignificant type at t1 hold unalt]ably real = me to-day4 ,my o!r conviction1 born 9 ,bronx ,p>k 9 #ahib by ! teapot1 t9 mug1 & famili> b\ld] :i* conceal$ ^! indisp5sable ut5sils dur+ ! week1 is t ! ,my/ical ,exp]i5ce kn[n to _m ?r\gh\t ! ages ) inv>iable simil>ity is n a pa?og5ic exp]i5ce1 b is due to a desirable1 g5u9e & valuable expansion ( consci\sness :i* furni%es k normally ahead ( ! race2 b1 s9ce language c only describe ! exp]i5ce ( ! race1 t x is incommunicable because no words exi/1 & t only ^? :o h exp]i5c$ x c compreh5d x4 ,! be/ equipp$ mod]n 8intellectual0 7above all ! 8intellectual0 p]haps71 ! mo/ advanc$ sci5ti/1 z1 on ! o!r h&1 ! drayman1 ! co/]1 ! city cl]k1 mu/ rema9 n only dumb be=e its revelation1 /upid1 hopelessly at sea1 angry probably1 b contemptu\s & c]ta9ly my/ifi$3 !y mu/ also appe>1 if !y be hone/1 entirely & unalt]ably sceptical4 ,su* scepticism is _! p5alty2 x is1 equally1 _! judge & _! confession4 ,,*apt] ,,xxvi ,among ! 8incid5ts0 t /& out f ! dim1 mis]able smudge ( fifte5 mon?s1 is "o t c5tres ab\t a /range figure1 & a mo/ lovable fell[1 nam$ ,angus ,hamilton4 ,v>i\s odd fi% drift$ on to ! pap] z report]s1 & drift$ (f aga92 !y =m "p ( an unimportant kaleidoscope4 ,b ,angus ,hamilton1 ) 8 g5]osity1 8 />tl+ habits1 8 und\bt$ ability1 8 sad & sudd5 end1 /&s out4 ,my position _h improv$ s9ce ! publication ( ! ,boyde /ory1 *iefly1 ( c\rse1 because ( ! way ! pe]age _h be5 dragg$ into its details & its headl9es4 ,i receiv$ no advance 9 sal>y1 b ,i receiv$ an advance 9 respect4 ,ev5 ,mc,cloy 0 diff]5t3 8,:y wa/e y\r "t ) u80 he spat at me l a ma*9e-gun ) a rapid smile4 8,g home4 ,collect a lot ( umbrellas & turn$-up tr\s]s & lett]s ( introduction4 ,!n come out to #8visit ! ,/ates1' m>ry an heiress1 & g home & live 9 com=t60 ,he 0 v l5i5t to my num]\s mi/akes4 ,o!r pap]s 8got a beat0 on me1 ,i 8fell d[n0 times )\t numb]1 ,i fail$ to get an int]view ) all & sundry because ,i c\ld n f9d 8! n]ve0 to intrude at c]ta9 mom5ts into ! lives & griefs ( o!rs4 ,b ,mc,cloy w9k$ ! o!r eye1 ev5 if he nev] rais$ my pay4 ,o!r m5 7 sack$ out ( h&4 ,i /ay$ on4 8,y've got a pull ) ,mac60 said 8,:itey40 ,new m5 took ! places ( ! lo/4 ,among ^! ,i notic$ an ,engli%man4 ,coop] notic$ him too4 8,bett] %>e an umbrella & g arm 9 arm10 he said 9 8 good-natur$ way4 8,he's a fell[-,briti%]40 ,:y he came to ,new ,york ,i nev] und]/ood4 ,he 0 a /epson ( ,p9]o1 ! playwright1 & he receiv$ occasional moneys f ,daniel ,frohman1 by way ( all[ance1 ,i suppos$1 ?\gh ,i nev] knew exactly4 ,clev] ?\gh he 01 he 0 a worse report] ?an myself--because he didn't c>e two /raws :e!r he got ! news or did n get x4 ,he _h a 8pull0 ( "s sort1 ) ,laffan probably1 we ?\ght4 ,he came to our bo>d+-h\se 9 ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet4 ,he _h a bad /amm]4 ,8 me?ods ( report+ 7 peculi> to himself4 ,(t5 en\gh1 :5 s5t out on a di/a/eful assignm5t1 he simply w5t home4 ,he _h lit]>y tal5t & wrote well :5 he lik$4 ,:5 ,frohman h&$ out 8 money1 he sp5t x 9 giv+ a big d9n] to v>i\s fri5ds1 ?\gh he nev] includ$ ,kay1 ,l\is1 or myself among 8 di/+ui%$ gue/s4 ,we _h no dress-suits1 = "o ?+4 ,hamilton 0 p]haps tw5ty-"o at ! "t1 a trifle y\ng] ?an myself1 at any rate4 ,he came d[n/airs sometimes to sp5d ! ev5+ 9 our room4 ,9 spite ( 8 /amm] & a c]ta9 %yness1 he 0 always v welcome4 ,he lik$1 above all1 to li/5 to weird /ories ,i us$ to tell1 /range1 wild1 improbable tales ak9 to gho/-/ories4 ,:5 ! ,black ,mass fail$ to attract1 :5 ,l\is 0 un9spir$ by abs9!1 or :5 no argum5t 0 afoot1 su* z :e!r poet or sci5ti/ 7 ! highe/ type ( human be+1 ,i discov]$ ?is ta/e = sp9n+ y>ns1 usually ( a gho/ly "*1 & f\nd1 to my surprise1 t my li/5]s 7 en?rall$4 ,at a mom5t's notice1 no !me or idea be+ 9 my head1 ,i f\nd t ,i c\ld inv5t a tale1 ) beg9n+1 middle & climax4 ,some?+ 9 me1 d\btless1 s\ght a natural outlet4 ,! /ories1 at any rate1 p\r$ =? endlessly4 8,may ,i write t "o80 ,hamilton w\ld ask4 8,x's a cork]60 ,& he w\ld br+ 8 writt5 v]sion to read to u a few ev5+s lat]4 8,x ought to sell10 he said1 ?\gh ,i nev] he>d t x did sell actually4 ,c]ta9ly1 x nev] occurr$ to me t ,i might write & sell x myself4 ,& ,angus ,hamilton is m5tion$ "h because x 0 ow+ to a *ance act ( 8 t ,i ev5tually took to writ+ & s f\nd my lib]ty4 ,?is happ5$ "s twelve ye>s lat]1 :5 ,i 0 liv+ 9 a room 9 ,halsey ,/reet1 ,*elsea1 sweat+ my life out 9 ! dri$ milk bus9ess & e>n+ b>ely en\gh at ! job to make bo? ends meet4 ,a hansom /opp$ sudd5ly ne> me 9 ,piccadilly ,circus1 its occupant %\t$ my "n1 !n sprang out--,angus ,hamilton4 ,he came r\nd to my room = a talk ov] old days2 he _h done well = himself z ,reut]'s correspond5t 9 ! ,man*urian ,w>1 _h publi%$ a book on ,korea1 & 0 j (f to ,*9a1 aga9 z ,reut]'s ag5t4 ,he rem9d$ me ( ! /ories ,i us$ to tell 9 ! ,new ,york bo>d+-h\se4 ,i _h writt5 "s ( ^!1 a c\ple ( doz5 p]haps1 & !y lay 9 a cupbo>d4 ,c\ld he see !m8 ,might he take !m away & read !m8 ,x _h be5 my habit & delight to sp5d my ev5+s compos+ y>ns on my typewrit]1 f9d+ m pleasure 9 ?is ?an 9 any d9n] engagem5t1 !atre or conc]t4 ,:y ?is sudd5ly began ,i _c say1 b ,i guess at a v5ture t ! accumulat$ horror ( ! ye>s 9 ,new ,york 0 seek+ expression4 ,w&]+ 9 ,ri*mond ,p>k at night 0 ! only rival ent]ta9m5t t c\ld tempt me f ! joy ( typ+ out "s tale or o!r 9 solitude4 8,jimbo0 ,i _h already writt5 twice1 sev]al ( ! 8,john ,sil5ce0 tales z well1 & num]\s o!r que] gho/ly /ories ( "o sort or ano!r4 ,f among ^! la/ ,hamilton took a doz5 or s away ) him1 b =got to s5d !m back z he _h promis$4 ,he _h gone to ,*9a1 ,i suppos$1 & ! matt] _h slipp$ 8 m9d4 ,x didn't matt] mu*--,i w5t on writ+ o!rs2 ! /ories 7 no good to anybody1 ! important ?+ be+ ! relief & ke5 pleasure ,i f\nd 9 _! expression4 ,b "s weeks lat] a lett] came f a publi%]3 8,i h read y\r book4444 ,my read] tells me 4440 ?is & t 8ab\t y\r /ories4444 ,i %all be glad to publi% !m = y 44410 & !n a few words ab\t a title & a reque/ t ,i w\ld call = an int]view4 ,x 0 "s little "t be=e ,i realiz$ :at ! publi%] 0 talk+ ab\t4 ,hamilton1 )\t ask+ p]mission1 _h s5t my /ories to him4 ,eveleigh ,na% 0 ! publi%]1 & 8 read] at t "t 0 ,maude ,ff\lkes1 :o lat] wrote ,lady ,c>digan's ,memoirs1 num]\s o!r biographies1 also 8,my ,own ,pa/10 & to :om ,i owe an imm5se debt = unfail+ guidance1 help & enc\ragem5t f t day to ?is4 ,i nev] =get my %r9k+ fe> at ! idea ( appe>+ 9 pr9t1 my desire to use ano!r "n1 my feel+ t x 0 all a mi/ake some:]e1 ! idea t ,i %\ld h a book ( my own publi%$ be+ too absurd to accept z true4 ,my relief :51 ev5tually1 ! pap]s gave x briefe/ possible m5tion1 a few words ( n unk9dly praise or blame1 ,i rememb] too1 & my a/oni%m5t1 "s weeks lat]1 to f9d a column 9 ! ,spectator1 foll[$ n long aft]w>ds by an int]e/+ article 9 ! ,lit]>y ,page ( ! ,morn+ ,po/ on ! g5us 8gho/ /ory10 bas$ on my book--by ,hilaire ,belloc1 z he told me ye>s lat]4 ,all ( :i* prompt$ me to try ano!r book 444 & aft] ! ?ird1 8,john ,sil5ce10 _h appe>$1 to r5\nce a problematical =tune 9 dri$ milk1 & ) typewrit] & kit-bag1 to take my preci\s new lib]ty out to ! ,jura ,m\nta9s :]e1 at frs4 #d4ej a day1 ,i liv$ 9 reasonable com=t & wrote m books4 ,i 0 !n ?irty-six4 ,:e!r ,i %\ld be grateful to my fell[-report] on ! ,ev5+ ,sun is ano!r matt]4 ,lib]ty is pric$ above money1 at any rate4 ,i h writt5 "s tw5ty books1 b ! ca% receiv$ = ^!1 ?\gh x has paid = r5t1 = food1 = clo?+1 sep>ately1 has nev] be5 en\gh to pay = all ?ree toge!r1 ev5 on ! mo/ mode/ scale ( liv+1 & my returns1 bo? f ,am]ica & ,engl&1 rema9 /ill microscopic4 ,angus ,hamilton ,i nev] saw aga94 ,a ye> or s lat]1 :ile on a lecture t\r 9 ,new ,york1 ?+s app>5tly w5t wrong ) him4 ,life drove aga9/ him 9 "s way4 ,he put a sudd5 end to himself4 ,x seems /range to me n[ t s few incid5ts1 & ^? su* trivial ones1 /& out f ! long mon?s ( newspap] "w 9 ,new ,york4 ,h>r[+ & dreadful /ories1 appall+ 9 _! evid5ce ( human degradation1 or poignant beyond words 9 _! revelation ( mis]y1 temptation1 failure1 7 my daily exp]i5ce week aft] week1 mon? aft] mon?4 ,i might n[ h bulky scrap-books pack$ ) ?rill+ plots ( e k9d1 all tak5 f life4 ,my affair ) ,boyde1 moreov]1 _h taught me h[ mu* ( curi\s psy*ological int]e/ lay beh9d ! mo/ ord9>y arre/ = a commonplace crime4 ,yet1 ( all ^! ?\s&s ( cases1 ,i rememb] h>dly a s+le "o1 :ile ( un9t]e/+ assignm5ts ,coop] gave me sev]al /ill live vividly 9 my memory4 ,social report+1 9 p>ticul>1 bo? amus$ & di/ress$ me1 = :i* reasons probably x has n fad$4 ,sitt+ 9 ! lobby at ,%]ry's or ,delmonico's :5 a ball or society function 0 9 progress & tak+ ! names ( ! gue/s z !y ent]$1 tak+ ! snubs & rud5ess ( ^! gay1 c>eless folk z well1 0 n calculat$ to add mu* to my self-respect4 ,! lavi% evid5ce ( money1 ! excess1 (t5 ! atroci\s ta/e1 ev5 /irr$ r$ socialism 9 me1 al?\gh ?is la/$ only till ,i 0 out 9 ! /reet aga94 ,v>i\s connexions1 di/ant or o!rwise1 ( my family (t51 too1 visit$ ,new ,york1 :ile m ?an "o _h m>ri$ an ,am]ican girl ( prom95t "n4 ,x 0 odd to see ,"l ,ava1 ,duff]9's elde/ son1 walk up ! /eps1 & odd] /ill to jot d[n 8 "n ^u ! li/ ( 8^? pres5t40 ,!re 0 an ,am]ican woman1 too1 :o bore my "m's "n4444 ,to see any ( ^! p 0 ! la/ ?+ on e>? ,i wi%$1 mu* less to speak to !m or be recogniz$2 !y 7 9 ano!r _w to m9e2 none ! less1 ,i _h odd s5sations :5 ,i saw !m4444 ,a ball ( deaf-mutes1 too1 rema9s v cle>1 only ! %uffl+ s\nd ( boots1 & ( ! big drum ^: heavy vibrations ?r\gh _! feet enabl$ !m to keep "t1 break+ ! /range hu% ( ! danc+ ?rong1 = ev] ge/iculat+ ) busy f+]s4 ,a mu*-covet$ annual assignm5t once came my way1 ?r\gh ! k9dness ( ,mc,cloy1 ,i ?9k--! visit to ! w9t] qu>t]s ( ,b>num & ,bailey's ,circus4 ,e newspap] 0 invit$2 ! animals 7 inspect$2 an article 0 writt52 & ! circus op5$ its ye>ly t\r ) imm5se adv]tisem5ts4 ,9 ! ev5+ !re 0 a--banquet6 ,i came home 9 ! e>ly h\rs ) my pockets /uff$ = ,kay & ,l\is--cig>s1 fruit1 rolls1 & all imag9able edibles t might be> ! transport4 ,b ! occasion is cle> = ano!r reason--elephants & rats4 ,! keep] told u t ! elephants 7 t]rifi$ ( rats because !y fe>$ ! little bea/s w\ld run up _! trunks4 ,we d\bt$ 8 /ory4 ,he (f]$ to prove x4 ,9 ! huge b>n :]e "s tw5ty-five mon/]s /ood1 *a9$ by ! feet aga9/ ! walls1 he empti$ a sackful ( live rats4 ,! /amp$e1 ! trumpet+ ( ^? fright5$ elephants is n easily =gott54 ,9 ! c5tre ( ! great b>n /ood masses ( hay cut into huge squ>e blocks1 & ! sight ( u climb+ = safety to ! top ( ^! slipp]y1 prec>i\sly balanc$ piles ( hay is n easily =gott5 ei!r4 ,! raid at dawn ^u a quasi lunatic asylum1 kept by an unqualifi$ man1 %\ld h left %>p] impressions ?an is ! case1 = x 0 c]ta9ly dramatic & s9i/] en\gh4 ,^w came to ! (fice t a quack 8doctor0 0 keep+ a private ,home = ,lunatics at ,amityville1 ,l4,i41 & t sane p1 :om int]e/$ p>ties wi%$ out ( ! way1 7 inc>c]at$ among ! inmates4 ,! ,heal? ,dep>tm5t 7 go+ to raid x at dawn4 ,x 0 to be a 8scoop0 = ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 & ! assignm5t 0 giv5 to me4 ,i />t$ :ile x 0 /ill d>k1 cross+ ! des]t$ f]ry long be=e ! sun 0 up1 b :5 ,i rea*$ ! lonely h\se1 surr\nd$ by fields & a few scatt]$ trees1 ,i f\nd t e newspap] 9 ! city 0 repres5t$4 ,ev5 ! flimsy m5 7 !re1 all curs+ _! fate 9 ! *illy air ( e>ly morn+4 ,no lights %[$ 9 ! build+4 ,! ea/]n sky began to flu%4 ,) ! fir/ glimm] ( dawn ,i saw ! %]iff's m5 at _! v>i\s po/s1 hid+ beh9d trees & h$ges1 "s cr\*+ "u ! g>d5 %rubb]ies1 "s conceal$ ev5 on ! v]&a ( ! h\se4 ,aft] a long & we>y wait1 ! h\se began to /ir2 %utt]s 7 tak5 d[n2 a w9d[1 !n a door1 7 ?r[n op52 figures became visible mov+ inside f room to room2 & pres5tly someone came out on to ! v]&a4 ,he 0 in/antly seiz$ & tak5 away4 ,aft] sev]al m5 & wom5 _h be5 arre/$ 9 ?is way1 a g5]al raid ( ! :ole h\se took place4 ,a doz5 ( ! %]iff's m5 ru%$ 94 ,! nurses1 male & female1 ! 8doctor0-proprietor1 8 assi/ants1 & e s+le inmate1 sane or crazy1 7 all caught & br\ght out "u arre/1 be=e !y _h ta/$ breakfa/4 ,x 0 broad daylight by ?is "t4 ,! :ole p>ty1 ( at lea/ ?irty1 7 assembl$ 9 a b>n :]e a magi/rate1 br\ght d[n specially = ! purpose1 held an impromptu c\rt4 ,if "s ( ! inmates 7 insane at ! "t & _h be5 s be=e inc>c]ation1 o!rs c]ta9ly _h be5 delib]ately made insane by ! h>% & cruel treatm5t to :i* !y _h purposely be5 subject$4 ,!re 7 pa9ful episodes1 :ile ! te/imony 0 hurri$ly li/5$ to 9 t improvis$ c\rt ( inquiry4 ,yet x has all1 all vani%$ f my memory4 ,i =get ev5 :at ! sequel 01 or :at s5t5ce ! infam\s proprietor receiv$ lat] on f a prop]ly-con/itut$ c\rt4 ,_m a sane man or woman _h be5 r5d]$ crazy by ! treatm5t1 ,i rememb]1 & ! quack _h tak5 heavy paym5ts f int]e/$ relatives = ?is purpose4 ,b all details h vani%$ f my m9d4 ,:at *iefly rema9s is ! wond] ( t break+ dawn1 ! light /eal+ ov] ! sky1 ! sweet smell ( ! c\ntry & ! tang ( ! salt sea4 ,^!1 ) ! s++ ( ! e>ly birds1 & ! great ye>n+s !y /irr$ 9 me1 left deep impressions4 ,"o reason1 ,i am sure1 :y su* pa9ful & dramatic incid5ts h left s little trace1 is t ,i _h a way ( %ield+ myself f ! unpleasantness ( !m1 s t _! horror or na/9ess1 z ! case might be1 nev] really got into me deeply4 ,by a me?od ( 8deta*m5t10 z m5tion$ e>li]1 ,i protect$ my s5sitive inn] self f be+ too mu* w\nd$4 ,i w\ld depute j suffici5t intellig5ce & obs]vation to att5d to ! imm$iate "w 9 h&1 :ile ! re/ ( me1 ! major portion1 lay inactive1 un9volv$1 c]ta9ly inop]ative4 ,pa9ful & vivid impressions 71 none ! less1 receiv$1 ( c\rse1 only ,i refus$ to admit or recognize !m4 ,!y em]g$1 ye>s lat]1 9 /ories p]haps1 ^! suppress$ hi]oglyphics1 b at ! actual "t ,i c\ld s protect myself t ,i did n consci\sly record !m4 ,& h5ce1 ,i ?9k1 my fa9t recollection n[ ( a ?\s& horrible exp]i5ces dur+ ^! ,new ,york report+ days4 ,?is 8deta*m5t10 9 ! ignorant way ,i us$ x1 01 p]haps1 no?+ less ?an %irk+ ( ! unpleasant4 ,at tw5ty-?ree ,i _h n yet discov]$ t bett] me?od :i* consi/s 9 fac+ ! unpleasant )\t res]vation or evasion1 :ile rais+ ! en]gy ?us releas$ into a high] *annel1 8transmut+0 x1 z ! j>gon ( #aibb describes x4 8,deta*m5t10 h[ev]1 ev5 9 its e>lie/ /ages1 & provid$ x does n rema9 m]ely :]e x />ts1 is an acquisition n )\t value2 x c lead1 at any rate1 to int]e/+ & curi\s exp]im5ts4 ,x deputes ! surface-consci\sness1 or suffici5t ( x1 to deal ) "s disagreeable little matt] 9 h&1 :ile ! subconsci\s or major portion ( ! self--= ^? :o are aw>e ( possess+ x--may travel & g free4 ,x is1 ,i ?9k1 ,bligh ,bond1 9 8 8,gate ( ,remembrance10 :o m5tions t ! automatic writ] ^: revelations are !re giv51 read a book al\d :ile 8 h& ) ! p5cil wrote4 ,_m a lit]>y man1 ^: inspiration dep5ds ^u ! /irr+s ( ?is my/]i\s subconsci\s region1 kn[s t to read a dull book1 or talk to a dull p]son1 engages j en\gh ( 8 surface consci\sness to set ! o!r portion free4 ,read+ v]se--?\gh n poetry1 ( c\rse--has ?is effect2 = "s1 a c9ema p]=mance1 ) ! soo?+ dimness1 ! music1 ! ev]-%ift+ yet n too arre/+ pictures1 works ! magic2 = o!rs1 light music2 = o!rs1 aga91 look+ out ( a tra9 w9d[4 ,!re are z _m ways z individuals4 ,to li/5 to ,mrs4 de ,montmor5cy ,smi? tell+ h] t$i\s dream1 :ile y he> j en\gh to comm5t intellig5tly ^u h] endless details1 ev5 us+ "s ( ^! details to fe$ y\r own m valuable dream1 is an admirable me?od--,i am told2 & my own *ildi% habit ( squeez+ 8?r\gh ! crack betwe5 ye/]day & to-morr[0 9 t horrible b$ ( ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet1 m]ely happ5$ to be my own little p]sonal adaptation ( ! pr9ciple4444 ,incid5ts t _h held a t\* ( com$y rema9 m cle>ly 9 ! memory ?an ^? t held ugl9ess & horror only4 ,a memb] ( ! ,rei*/ag ,c5tral ,p>ty1 = in/ance1 ,rector ,ahlw>dt by "n1 came out to conduct a campaign aga9/ ! ,jews4 ,he 0 viol5tly anti-semitic4 ,i 0 s5t to meet 8 /eam] at ,qu>ant9e because ,i c\ld speak ,g]man1 & my in/ructions 7 to w>n him t ,am]ica 0 a free c\ntry1 t ! ,jews 7 hon\rable & respect$ citiz5s1 & t abuse w\ld n be tol]at$ = a mom5t4 ,^! in/ructions ,i c>ri$ out1 :ile we drank :ite w9e 9 ! /eam]'s smok+-room4 ,freytag1 ,i notic$ ) amusem5t1 himself a ,jew1 0 !re = ! ,/aatszeitung4 ,ahlw>dt1 h[ev]1 0 imp]vi\s to advice or w>n+s4 ,at 8 fir/ big meet+ 9 ! ,coop] ,union ,hall1 arriv+ late1 ,i notic$ at once two ?+s3 ! seats 7 pack$ ) ,jews1 :ile almo/ z _m policem5 /ood ab\t wait+2 & ! report]s' tables und]nea? ! plat=m %[$ sev]al op5 umbrellas4 ,bo?1 ,i knew1 7 om9\s signs4 ,ahlw>dt himself1 fat1 beam+1 9 full ev5+ dress1 0 already h>angu+ ! huge audi5ce4 ,at fir/ he 0 suave & g5tle1 ev5 mealy-m\!d1 b be=e long 8 prejudices ma/]$ him & 8 language *ang$4 ,up rose a memb] ( ! audi5ce & advis$ him angrily to g back to ,g]many4 ,! police eject$ ! int]rupt]4 ,o!rs took 8 place4 ,!n sudd5ly ! fusillade began--& up w5t ! report]s' umbrellas6 ,a fly+ egg caught ! speak] full on 8 :ite %irt-front1 ano!r yell[$ 8 dazzl+ :ite wai/coat1 a ?ird sma%$ ov] 8 fat face4 ,p&emonium reign$1 dur+ :i* ! ,g]man melt$ out ( ! l&scape & disappe>$ f 8 fir/ & la/ anti-semite meet+ 9 ,noo ,york ,city4 ,he attempt$ a little propag&a f ! safe di/ance ( ,hobok51 ,n4,j41 b ! ,press campaign aga9/ him 0 s viol5t & cov]$ him ) su* ridicule1 t he v soon took /eam] back to 8 ,b]l94 ,e little detail ( ?is incid5t1 7 x wor? ! tell+1 ,i c\ld give accurately4 ,!re 0 no reason to be 8deta*$10 unless ! protection ( ! ,_w man's umbrella comes "u t description4 ,x 0 some:]e ab\t ?is "t1 too1 t ano!r trivial incid5t occurr$1 refus+ to be =gott54 ,x1 aga91 increas$ ! respect %[n to me by ! /aff ( ! pap]--,am]icans be+ truly democratic6--?\gh x did n increase my sal>y4 ,a belt$ e>l left 8 c>d on me4 ,com+ 9 brea?less f "s assignm5t1 ,i saw ,mc,cloy />+ at me4 8,is ?is = y80 he ask$ s>ca/ically1 h&+ me a visit+-c>d4 ,a bro!r-9-law1 8,8 ,excell5cy0 into ! b>ga91 8,gov]nor ( an ,au/ralian ,prov9ce0 to :i* he 0 !n on 8 way1 _h climb$ ^? n>r[ spiral /airs & ask$ = me4 ,! lett]s aft] 8 "n alone 7 en\gh to produce a commotion 9 t democratic atmosph]e4444 ,he 0 /ay+ at ! ,brevoort ,h\se1 & he c]ta9ly behav$ 8l a man10 ?\ght ,kay & ,i1 z we enjoy$ m ?an "o good d9n] at 8 exp5se 9 ! hotel4 ,pr\d ( me he _h c]ta9ly no cause to be1 b if he felt a%am$1 equally1 he gave no sign ( x4 ,he ev5 spoke on my behalf to ,paul ,dana1 ! editor-proprietor's son1 :o assur$ him t ,i 0 8a bright fell[0--a description ! /aff manag$ to get hold ( someh[ & appli$ to me ev] aft]w>ds4 ,8 brief visit1 bo? because ( its k9dness & its g5]al good effect1 /& out1 at any rate1 9 ! 8bright fell['s0 memory4 ,l ,duff]9 9 ! ,hub1 he fir$ a %ot = me4 ,! mon?s dragg$ by 9 _! dre>y1 hat$ l5g?1 :ile num]\s *ances ( gett+ m cong5ial "w 7 tri$ 9 va94 ,torrid summ] heat1 ) its all-dissolv+ humidity1 replac$ ! bitt] w9t]4 ,! deep1 bak$ /reets t nev] cool$1 ! /ifl+ nights1 ! heat-waves :5 ! temp]ature /ood betwe5 #ij & #ajj 9 ! %ade1 & we toil$ ab\t ! blaz+ pavem5ts 9 %irt-sleeves c>ry+ a palm-leaf fan1 & :5 ! moi/ure 9 ! air made ! v 8copy-pap]0 /ick to ! h& t wrote ^u x--^? f\r mon?s ( ,new ,york summ] 7 a mis]y4 ,we _h only our w9t] clo!s to we>2 a :ite coll> 0 dirty pulp be=e n9e 9 ! morn+2 ! dazzl+ electric-light sign fla%$ nightly 9 ! air above #bcrd ,/reet ) its tempt+ leg5d 8,manhattan ,bea* ,swept by ,ocean ,breezes10 :ile ! ice-c>ts 9 ! /reets 7 ! ne>e/ approa* to com=t we c\ld f9d4 ,_m a "t ,i foll[$ "o at close qu>t]s to ta/e a :iff ( cool] air4 ,life became un5durable1 yet day foll[$ day1 night foll[$ night1 week foll[$ week1 till "o's la/ brea? ( en]gy seem$ exhau/$ by ! /eam+ furnace ( ! city air4 ,! respectable qu>t]s ( ! t[n 71 ( c\rse1 des]t$1 b ! ,ea/ ,side1 & ! poor] p>ts1 became a gigantic ant-heap1 ?\s&s ( families sleep+ on ! balconies ( ! pack$ t5em5t h\ses1 z ?\gh a :ole und]gr\nd-_w _h ris5 sudd5ly to ! surface4 ,*ildr5 di$ by ! hundr$2 !re 7 heat /rokes by ! score4 ,x 0 too hot to eat4 ,report+ 9 su* wea!r 0 a try+ bus9ess4444 ,a report] 0 entitl$ to a =tnight's holiday 9 ! ye>1 & ?\gh none 0 due to me1 ,mc,cloy let me g ab\t ! middle ( ,octob]4 ,i procur$ a railway pass & w5t (f to ,haliburton1 ,ont>io1 to sp5d my preci\s twelve days ) a settl] 9 ! backwoods4 ,he 0 a ,scotsman ,i _h met dur+ our isl& days1 & ,haliburton 0 n f> f our own delightful lake4444 ,on my way back ! cable came tell+ ( my fa!r's dea? :ile be+ br\ght home f ,ems4 ,i 0 sp5d+ ! night ) an old fri5d ( 81 9 ,hamilton1 ,ont41 :]e he _h a *ur*4 ,orig9ally 9 ! navy1 ! evangelical movem5t _h 8conv]t$0 him1 & he _h tak5 to x ) su* zeal t a *ur* & p>i% became a necessity ( life4 ,he 0 s9c]e & sympa!tic1 & ! bad news c\ld h come to me 9 no bett] place4 ,! next day ,i return$ to ,new ,york & resum$ my life ( report+ on ! pap]4444 ,! elections _h be5 f\ght1 & ,tammany 0 beat51 a wave ( ,republicanism sweep+ bo? ,/ate & ,city4 ,a ,committee ( ,inve/igation1 "u ,s5ator ,lex[1 0 appo9t$ to exam9e into ! me?ods ( ,tammany ,hall1 & = weeks ,i sat 9 c\rt :ile ! te/imony 0 tak51 & ! mo/ amaz+ /ories ( crime1 corruption1 wick$ness & horror ,i ev] he>d 7 told by "o 8protect$0 witness aft] ano!r4 ,x br\ght to light a v]itable ,reign ( ,t]ror4 ,john ,g(f 0 prosecut+ c\nsel2 he became ,record]1 9 place ( ,judge ,smy!1 z 8 rew>d4 ,boss ,crok]1 head ( ,tammany1 0 conv5i5tly 9 ,engl& & c\ld n be subpna$4 ,o!r lead]s1 simil>ly1 7 well out ( rea*4 ,tammany1 x 0 prov$ up to ! hilt1 _h extort$ an annual income ( fifte5 million doll>s 9 illegal contributions f vice4 ,! c\rt 0 a daily !atre 9 :i* incr$ible melodrama & trag$y 7 play$4 ,) ?is ?rill+ exception1 ! "w ,i _h to d rema9$ ! same z be=e 444 a second ,*ri/mas came r\nd 444 ano!r spr+ began to melt ! gloomy skies4 ,conditions1 x is true1 7 a little easi]1 = ,l\is _h left u & ,kay 0 e>n+ t5 or fifte5 doll>s a week 9 ,ex*ange ,place1 b by ,m>* or ,april1 ! eighte5 mon?s ( und]fe$+ & try+ "w _h br\ght me1 p]sonally1 to ! break+ po9t4444 ,x 0 late 9 ,april ,i read t gold _h be5 f\nd 9 ! ,ra9y ,riv] di/rict :i* lay 9 ! f> nor?-we/]n corn] ( ,ont>io1 ! riv] ( t "n be+ ! fronti] betwe5 ,m9nesota ,/ate & ,canada4 ,! p>agraph /at+ ! fact 0 9 a ,sunday pap] ,i read on my way to ,bronx ,p>k1 & ! in/ant ,i saw x my m9d 0 made up4 ,x 0 spr+1 ! primitive in/9ct to /rike camp & move on 0 9 ! blood1 a no/algia = ! woods 0 9 x too1 & ! prospect ( ano!r torrid1 moi/ summ] 9 ! city at #ae a week 0 m ?an ,i c\ld face4 ,t scrap ( news1 at any rate1 decid$ me4 ,&1 tru? to tell1 x 0 n s mu* ! lure ( gold t call$ me1 z ! lure ( ! wild]ness4 ,i long$ to see ! big trees aga91 to smell ! old nak$ e>?1 to he> wat] fall+ & feel ! great w9ds bl[4444 ,x 0 an irresi/ible call4 ,my "o t]ror1 z :5 ,i decid$ to buy ! dairy two ye>s be=e1 0 t someone w\ld tell me !re 0 no gold1 t x 0 n wor? go+1 or w\ld prev5t me 9 "s o!r way4 ,i delib]ately hid f myself all unfav\rable in=mation1 :ile ,i collect$ all possible items t might ju/ify my int5tion4 ,t same night ,i %[$ ! p>agraph to ,kay4 8,i'll g10 he said at once1 8b let's get a ?ird1 a f\r? too1 if we c40 ,he m5tion$ ,paxton1 an eng9e]1 ag$ #ce1 :o _h j lo/ all 8 worldly possessions 9 speculation4 ,paxton said he w\ld come ) u4 ,! f\r? 0 ,r4,m41 son ( ! cl]gyman 9 ,hamilton4 ,r4,m41 ^: fa!r 0 bro!r to a belt$ e>l1 0 an insurance ag5t1 & mak+ a good liv+ at 8 job4 ,he 0 my own age1 also my own height4 ,he 01 besides1 a heavy-weight amateur box] ( consid]able pr[ess1 & 8 fav\rite "t = hold+ b\ts 9 ! r+ 0 ,sunday ev5+s1 to :i* fact a rival cl]gyman _h rec5tly tak5 occasion to ref] slight+ly 9 8 own pulpit4 ,r4,m41 res5t+ ! slur bo? ^u himself & 8 fa!r1 _h wait$ outside ! *ur* door "o ,sunday aft] ! ev5+ s]vice1 & :5 ! cl]gyman em]g$ _h ask$ = an apology--a public "o 9 ! pulpit4 ,on be+ met ) an indignant refusal1 ,r4,m4 invit$ ! o!r to 8put 'em up40 ,! ?ra%+ t foll[$ produc$ a great sc&al 9 ! little t[n1 & ,r4,m4 f\nd ! place too hot to hold him4 ,he !re=e jump$ at ! idea ( ! goldfields4 ,! arrangem5ts 7 made1 ( c\rse1 by lett]1 & took "s little "t2 b on a giv5 morn+ 9 e>ly ,may ,r4,m4 0 to jo9 our tra9 z x pass$ ?r\gh ,hamilton4 ,i _h be5 able to procure passes = ! lot ( u z f> z ,dulu?1 "s fifte5 hundr$ miles di/ant1 on ,lake ,sup]ior1 & f !re we %\ld h to travel ano!r hundr$ & fifty miles by canoe d[n ! ,v]milion ,riv] to ,ra9y ,lake ,city1 = ! f\ndations ( :i* ! =e/1 ,i read1 _h already be5 p>tially cle>$4 ,sev]al fur!r articles _h appe>$ 9 ! pap]s2 x 0 a gorge\s c\ntry1 m5 7 flock+ 91 & ! ,bank ( ,montreal _h e/abli%$ a bran* 9 a tempor>y %ack4 ,moreov]1 z m5tion$ be=e1 x 0 spr+4 ,t a man ( ,paxton's age & exp]i5ce %\ld h made ?is long exp$ition )\t fir/ satisfy+ himself t x 0 likely to be wor? :ile1 has always puzzl$ me4 ,he 0 an easy-go+1 good-natur$ man1 ^: full figure proclaim$ t he lik$ ! good ?+s ( life4 ,b he 0 9 grave difficulties1 grav] p]haps ?an ,i ev] knew1 & ,i ?9k he 0 n sorry to contemplate a trip across ! bord]4 ,8 attitude1 at any rate1 0 t he 8didn't c>e a rap s long z ,i get out ( "h40 ,t ,kay & myself & ,r4,m4 %\ld take ! adv5ture 0 natural en\gh1 = none ( u _h any?+ to lose1 &1 :atev] happ5$1 we %\ld 8get along someh[10 & ev5 out ( ! fry+-pan into ! fire 0 bett] ?an ! summ] furnace ( ! city4 ,r4,m4 wrote t he _h a hundr$ doll>s1 ,paxton produc$ fifty1 ,i suppli$ ! railway passes & add$ my la/ sal>y1 toge!r ) "s eight doll>s t ,ikey ,no4 #b 0 p]suad$ to h& ov]4 8,s5d "s /uff along10 fir$ ,mc,cloy1 op5+ 8 eyes a little wid] ?an usual :5 ,i told him4 8,any hot /uff y get ,i'll use40 ,x has already be5 told h[ ,kay miss$ ! tra9 by a few m9utes1 & h[ ,:itey1 wav+ 8 p>t+ pres5t ( a bottle ( ,b\rbon :isky1 0 ! f9al picture ,paxton & ,i _h ( ,new ,york ,city z ! ev5+ tra9 pull$ out4 ,,*apt] ,,xxvii ,"s p1 exam9+ ! alt]nate ups & d[ns ( life1 h ?\ght to detect a rhy?m 9 x3 l e o!r expression ( en]gy1 f heat to hi/ory1 f s\nd to civilization1 x moves1 !y ?9k1 ) a def9ite wave-l5g?4 ,! d[n & up1 ! holl[ ( ! wave & its cre/1 foll[ "o ano!r 9 rhy?mical sequ5ce4 ,x is an imag9>y notion d\btless1 ?\gh x appli$ to my life aptly en\gh at ?is "t app>5tly3 ! ,toronto mis]y1 ! ,isl& happ9ess2 ! ,new ,york hell1 ! ,backwoods heav54 ,i ?9k1 :5 ,i wrote home ! lit]al tru?3 8,i c't /& ?is report+ life any long]4 ,i'm (f to ! goldfields1 & ,mc,cloy has ask$ me to write articles = ! pap]10 !re lay a vague idea 9 me t ^! goldfields w\ld prove someh[ to be comic goldfields1 & t ! exp$ition w\ld be some:]e f>cical4 ,i 0 s eag]1 s det]m9$ to g1 t ,i cam\flag$ f myself e unfav\rable aspect ( ! trip4 ,gre51 be+ /ill my pr$om9ant col\r1 0 us$ freely 9 ?is cam\flage4 ,x 0 only aft]w>ds ,i realiz$ h[ delightfully ,i fool$ myself4 ,yet x 0 true1 at ! same "t1 t a deep inn] necessity drove irresi/ibly4 ,! city life 0 kill+ some?+ 9 me1 some?+ 9 ! s\l3 get out or g "u1 0 my feel+4 ,h[ easy x w\ld h be5 to g "u 0 a daily ?\ght4 ,f> bett] m5 ?an myself prov$ x all r\nd me e week4 ,x seem$1 inde$1 ! natural1 obvi\s ?+ to d = an educat$1 ref9$ ,engli%man )\t "* :o f\nd himself adrift f home influ5ces 9 ?is amaz+ city--to s9k into ! g5]al scum ( failures & outca/s1 to yield to "o ( ! _m an/hetics ,new ,york s lavi%ly provid$1 to f9d tempor>y relief1 a brief wild-ey$ happ9ess1 oblivion1 !n1 n long aft]w>ds1 dea?4 ,! draw ( ! woods1 ! call ( ! op5 air1 moreov]1 always pot5t1 _h become insi/5t4 ,spr+ add$ its a*+ no/algia t burn$ l a fev] 9 my ve9s4 ,?us v>i\s influ5ces1 "s positive1 "s negative1 comb9$ to make me feel t any?+ 0 bett] ?an ! drudg]y ( my wret*$ ,new ,york life1 & ! goldfields m]ely (f]$ a plausible excuse4 ,if ,i made bl9k]s ) my own h&s1 ,i made !m effectively at lea/4 ,deep out ( sight 9 ! p]sonality !re hides1 p]haps1 "s ov]se] :o1 wat*+ wisely ! turns ( fate1 makes su* bl9k]s1 ensur+ _! p]fect fit z well4444 ,!re 0 a nice feel+1 ( c\rse1 t if "o w5t to a goldfield1 "o pick$ up gold4 ,%ak+ s& 9 a %9+ pan beside a ru%+ riv] 0 a picture 9 ! m9d4 ,!re 7 wild m51 fri5ds & enemies2 !re 7 ,indians too2 b also !re 7 sunsets1 tempe/s1 dawns & />s4 ,x w\ld be lib]ty & happ9ess4 ,i %\ld see ! moon rise 9 cle>1 sweet air above ! rim ( primval woods4 ,i %\ld cook bacon ov] an op5 fire ( wood4 ,!re w\ld be no gr9n+ ,*9aman to pay = laundry4444 ,! m5 ) :om ,i 0 go+ 7 n entirely satisfactory4 ,i knew !m slightly1 = "o ?+2 = ano!r1 ! *ief drawback1 !y 7 go+ 9 a v diff]5t mood f m9e4 ,_! "o object 0 to make _! =tunes4 ,x 0 real gold1 & n ! glam\r ( ! wild]ness1 t call$ !m2 & 9 ! ,emigrant ,sleep]1 z we j\rney$ t[>ds ,dulu?1 !y sket*$ _! plans ) int5se en?usiasm3 ,paxton1 ! eng9e]1 expla9$ puzzl+ly1 ) ! aid ( mat*es1 a trolley he w\ld con/ruct = br++ ! ore f pit to cru%]1 :ile ,r4,m41 ) reckless immorality1 enl>g$ ^u ! pr(its he w\ld d]ive f runn+ a 8jo9t0 ( desp]ate sort--8= no "o ne$ "k t my fa!r's a cl]gyman1 & my uncle 9 ! ,h\se ( ,lords40 ,bo? m5 7 %ad[s2 !y 7 n real2 !re 0 no companion%ip 9 !m = me1 at any rate4 ,t !y 7 fell[-travell]s = ! mom5t on a trip ,i did n c>e ab\t mak+ alone1 0 suffici5t4 ,i w\ld j z soon h gone ) ,mc,cloy or a ,tombs policeman4 ,:at con/itutes "o p]son out ( a hundr$ 8real10 ! o!r n9ety-n9e %ad[s1 is h>d to def9e1 b an in/9ct 9 me has ev] pick$ out t 8real0 "o4 ,) him or h] ,i "k in/antly my life is go+ to be unavoidably l9k$3 ?r\gh love or hate1 ?r\gh happ9ess or tr\ble1 p]haps ?r\gh none ( ^!1 b ) ! conviction t a s]vice has to be r5d]$ or accept$1 a debt1 z x 71 to be paid or receiv$1 a l9k at any rate t _c be brok5 or evad$4 ,su* real p are to be c\nt$ on ! f+]s ( "o h&3 ,r4,m4 & ,paxton 7 c]ta9ly n among !m4 ,nor1 = t matt]1 0 my fri5d ,kay1 :o1 ,i am reasonably positive1 miss$ ! tra9 on purpose2 :ile1 curi\sly en\gh1 ,boyde1 t trivial crim9al1 0 among !m4 ,_h ,kay1 = in/ance1 done :at t *eap ruffian did1 ,i %\ld nev] h tak5 ! tr\ble to arre/ or puni% him4444 ,! comic op]a t\* began ) ,:itey rac+ d[n ! plat=m wav+ a bottle ( rye :isky2 x cont9u$ next morn+ :5 we pick$ up ,r4,m4 at eight o'clock4 ,our tra9 /opp$ at ,hamilton1 ,ont41 = five m9utes4 ,we cran$ our heads out ( ! w9d[ & saw a p>ty ( "y fell[s ) flu%$ faces & s++ voices1 & on _! %\ld]s 9 ! e>ly sun%9e ! in]t figure ( a huge man )\t a hat4 ,!y recogniz$ me & heav$ him into our comp>tm5t1 :]e he slept s\ndly = two h\rs until we _h left ,toronto f> beh9d4 8,ou*6 ,ou*60 said ,paxton--x 0 ab\t all 8eng9e] ,paxton0 ev] did say--8,is t ,r4,m480 ,!y _h nev] met be=e4 ,we took ! money out ( 8 pocket = safety's sake1 & x prov$ to be m ?an 8 promis$ contribution4 ,8 fri5ds _h inde$ giv5 him a s5d-(f1 & ! all-night pok] _h prov$ lucrative4 ,x 0 a long1 long j\rney to ,dulu?1 ) he>t5+ glimpses f ! w9d[1 ( riv]1 lake & =e/1 all t\*$ ) 8spr+'s delightful wea!r40 ,%elley fill$ my head & he>t4 ,i saw dawn 9 a vale ( ! ,indian ,caucasus1 ,i saw ,pan!a1 ,asia1 fleet+ dryads & troops ( happy fauns4 ,out ( ,new ,york ,city into ?is primval wild]ness produc$ intoxication4 ,no m cities ( dreadful night = me6 ,! repress$1 unrealiz$ ye>n+s ( _m pa9ful mon?s bur/ =? 9 a k9d ( rapture4 ,ri*es c nev] ta/e ! treasures ( relief & *ange provid$ by ! law ( contra/4 ,to be free to g ev]y:]e is tantam\nt to go+ n[h]e1 to be able to d ev]y?+ is to d no?+4 ,)\t s*ool1 holidays c\ld h no mean+4 ,! int5sity ( escape1 ) all ! gorge\s emotions x involves1 is h>dly possible to ! big bank-balances4 ,i ?\ght ( ! ov]heat$ ,sun (fices1 & saw cool1 sil5t woods2 ( ?rong$ canyon-/reets betwe5 cliffs ( build+s1 & saw lonely gorges :]e ! de] /ole d[n to dr9k 9 quiet pools2 ( ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9's room1 & saw gre5 glades ( beauty1 a ceil+ ( blue sky1 walls ( hemlock1 spruce & c$>4 ,! ,may sunlight made ! :ole _w s+1 z ! tra9 ru%$ ?r\gh ! wild]ness ( ! ,ont>io ,highl&s4 ,x woke a k9d ( lyrical delight 9 me4 8,! day seem$ "o s5t f beyond ! skies1 t %$ to e>?1 above ! sun1 a light ( ,p>adise40 ,paxton1 ) 8 puzzl+ mat*es1 f\nd me abs5t-m9d$ & irresponsive to 8 8ou*6 ou*60 & ,r4,m41 suff]+ f a bad 8hang-ov]0 heada*e1 ?\ght me unsympa!tic t[>d 8 disreputable jo9t4 ,m cle>ly ?an ! mat*es1 or ! pr(it & loss figures ( ! jo9t1 ,i rememb] ! ?ree bullets ly+ on ! palm ( ! eng9e]'s fat op5 h&4 ,8 solemn gravity depress$ ,r4,m4 ,x infect$ me a little too4 ,:y 9 ! _w %\ld he be s s]i\s8 8,if we fail1 boys10 said ! eng9e] laconically1 z he look$ d[n ) grim significance at ! ?ree bullets1 8,i = "o--%all n return40 ,he put a bullet 9 8 pocket1 he h&$ "o to ,r4,m41 ! ?ird he pass$ to me4 8,is x a deal80 he ask$1 speak+ z "o :o _h come to ! end ( 8 te!r1 :i*1 inde$1 p]haps really 0 ! case4 ,we pocket$ our bullets anyh[1 & told him gravely3 8,yes1 x's a deal40 ,we %ook h&s on x4 ,x 0 all 9 ! prop] _s ( gold-seek+ adv5ture1 begad6 & ! comic-op]a t\*1 s f> z ,i 0 conc]n$1 _h n yet q fully appe>$4 ,i _h cut loose f ev]y?+4 ,i felt z ?\gh ,i 7 jump+ (f ! rim ( ! planet into unkn[n space4 ,x 0 a delightful1 reckless1 half naughty1 half *ildi%1 feel+4 8,to hell ) civilization60 0 its note4 ,at ! back ( ! m9d lay a s]ies ( highly-col\r$ pictures3 ,m5 made =tunes 9 a night1 human life 0 *eap1 six-%oot]s lay beside t9 mugs at camp-fire breakfa/s1 & bags ( 8du/0 7 toss$ across f>o-tables f "o desp]ado 9 a broad-brimm$ hat to ano!r :o 0 ei!r an ,ox=d don incognito1 or an unfrock$ cl]gyman1 or a y\ng] son conceal+ tragic beauty 9 an ov]-cultur$ he>t1 ) p]haps an unclaim$ title on 8 /rawb]ry-m>k$ sk94 ,r4,m41 too1 0 =ev] talk+ ab\t /ak+ claims3 8,we'll get grub-/ak$ by "s fell[4444 ,if we only pan a few ounces p] day x'll mean success 4440 to all ( :i* ,paxton emitt$ 8 8,ou*6 ,ou*60 z a /rong man :o said little because he pref]r$ action to words4 ,i1 mean:ile1 _h no accurate in=mation to supply1 ?\gh ,i 0 ! promot] ( ! exp$ition4 ,i p>ad$ ! newspap] acc\nts4 ,!y 7 ( little use4 ,no?+1 9 fact1 0 ( any use4 ,we 7 9 diff]5t worlds4 ,!y 7 9 an ,emigrant ,sleep] skirt+ ! %ores ( ,lake ,sup]ior4 ,i 0 on ! look-out = ! ,wit* ( ,atlas1 w&]+ ?r\gh ! p9e =e/ ( ! ,casc9e ne> ,pisa1 dream+ 9 ! ,indian ,caucasus1 or wat*+ ,s]*io's /ream4 ,ev5 8,ou*6 ,ou*60 c\ld n keep me 9 ,ont>io = long4 ,x all lies d[n ! wrong end ( t ev]-l5g!n+ telescope n[1 our trip to ! ,ra9y ,riv] ,gold ,fields4 ,happy1 c>eless1 fooli% days ( sunlight1 lib]ty1 wood-smoke & virg9 wild]ness4 ,useless days1 ( c\rse1 yet sweetly p]fum$ z 9 a dream ( fairyl&4 ,i revell$ 9 !m4 ,new ,york 0 /ill close en\gh to l5d !m "s incr$ible glam\r by contra/4 ,t no gold came our way 0 no?+1 t ! days came to an end 0 bitt]4 ,fad+ into mi/1 beh9d veils ( blue smoke1 yet lit by %eets ( burn+ sun%9e1 lies ! fa9t outl9e /ill4 ,ea* ye> drops ano!r gauze curta9 ov] an entranc+ & ridicul\s adv5ture t = my companions 0 disappo9t+ly empty1 b to me 0 fill$ to ! brim ) wond] & delight4 ,a few %>p pictures1 r disconnect$1 defy bo? veils & curta9s1 set aga9/ a dim backgr\nd ( wild =e/1 a blue w9d+ riv] ) /range r$ %ores1 swift rapids1 & cosy camp-fires at dawn1 at sunset1 b5ea? ! />s1 b5ea? ! moon4 ,! /illness ( ^? gr& woods is un=gettable2 ! voice ( ! riv] 0 unceas+1 yet broke no sil5ce2 ! smells ( balsam1 res9\s pit*-p9e1 c$> smoke rise l inc5se above ! memory ( x all4 ,dulu? 0 all agog ) excitem5t1 & 9 e %op-w9d[ hung blue-pr9ts ( ! ,el ,dorado we 7 b\nd =4 ,two big-blad$ hunt+-knives1 a second-h& ,m>l9 rifle = #h1 a ,smi? & ,wesson revolv]1 7 our weapons4 ,i already _h a six-%oot]1 giv5 to me by ! ,tombs ,c\rt police4 ,x _h kill$ a negro1 & ,i _h report$ ! murd] trial result+4 ,?ree blankets _h to be b\ght1 a canoe1 & provisions = ! week's trip d[n ! ,v]milion ,riv]--tea1 bacon1 fl\r1 biscuits1 salt & sug>4 ,r4,m4 _h a small 8,a0 t5t ) him l>ge en\gh to hold ?ree2 an old1 high-pr[$ b>k canoe 0 pur*as$ f an ,indian = #f2 b our money did n run to ,hudson ,bay blankets1 & ! *eap1 ?9 cov]+s we b\ght prov$ poor protection 9 ^? fro/y nights ( e>ly ,may4 ,we pick$ up a guide too1 a half-bre$ nam$ ,gallup4 ,he 0 go+ to ,ra9y ,lake ,city 9 any case1 & agre$ to %[ u ! portages & rapids = two doll>s a day ea* way4 ,he ju/ifi$ 8 "n4 ,he gallop$4 ,he _h a slim-nos$ ,ma9e c$>-wood canoe t oil$ along into ! daily head-w9d ) easy swiftness1 :]eas ,r4,m4 & myself 9 our high-pr[$ craft f\nd progress sl[ & /e]+ a heavy toil4 ,! w9d caught our big b[s l a sail4 ,gallup1 moreov]1 siz+ u up z ,engli% gre5horns1 expect$ good food & lots ( :isky1 &1 gett+ nei!r1 v5t$ 8 sple5 on u z be/ he c\ld4 ,8 natural evil temp] grew /eadily worse4 ,!re 7 sev]al ways 9 :i* he c\ld h rev5ge4 ,he us$ !m all4 ,by 8los+ 8 way0 d[n bran* /reams he made ! j\rney la/ eight days in/ead ( five1 yet he w5t s fa/ 9 8 neat-nos$ craft t x 0 all ,r4,m4 & ,i c\ld d to keep him 9 sight at all4 ,! sunlight fla%+ on 8 paddle two or ?ree miles ahead1 ! canoe itself a m]e d>k speck 9 ! dazzle ( wat]1 0 all we usually _h to guide u4 ,paxton1 we>y1 mu* ?9n] ?an he _h be51 useless z a paddl]1 lay 9 ! bottom ( ! canoe1 leav+ all ! "w to ,gallup4 ,& ,gallup did x1 ev5 ) ?is dead freight aga9/ him4 ,to our injunction to make ! fell[ g sl[]1 8 8,ou*6 ,ou*60 0 q ineffective4 ,i 0 c>eful to keep ! provisions 9 my own canoe1 s t we c\ld n lose him altoge!r1 & he 0 fai?ful 9 "o ?+1 t he wait$ = u at ! rapids & portages4 ,:at did x matt]8 ,! head w9d held /eadily day aft] day1 bl[+ f ! nor?-we/ ?r\gh a cl\dless sky4 ,ev]y?+ sp>kl$1 ! air 0 *ampagne2 su* a w9d+ riv] ( blue ,i _h nev] se5 be=e4 ,e tree wore little f+]s ( bright fre% gre54 ,!re 0 exhil>ation & wond] at e turn4 ,burn$ by ! hot sun & wet by ! fly+ spray1 our h&s swell$ till ! knuckles disappe>$1 !n crack$ betwe5 ! jo9ts till !y bl$4 ,i /e]$4 ,r4,m4 sat 9 ! b[s4 ,paddl+ h\r aft] h\r aga9/ ! w9d became a me*anical bus9ess ! muscles att5d$ to automatically4 ,! m9d 0 free to roam4 ,! lonel9ess 0 magical1 = x 0 a peopl$ lonel9ess4 ,a />t at dawn1 half an h\r = lun*1 & camp at sunset 0 ! day's r\t9e4 ,usually we 7 too exhau/$ to cook ! dw9dl+ bacon1 make ! fire1 put up ! t5t4 ,:at did x matt]8 ,no?+ matt]$4 ,ea* mile 0 a mile ( delight f>!r f ,new ,york4 ,! trip might la/ mon?s = all ,i c>$4 ,we curs$ ,gallup beh9d 8 back & to 8 face4 ,he nev] ev5 answ]$4 ,8 sulky sil5ce broke only r\nd ! ev5+ fire1 :5 he w\ld tell u appall+ tales ( murd]1 viol5ce & sudd5 dea? ab\t ! goldfields :i!r we 7 b\nd4 ,x 0 ano!r =m ( rev5ge4 ,! desp]adoes1 cut?roats1 & wild hairy m5 g5]ally :o await$ u1 u especially s9ce we 7 ,engli%1 h>dly belong$ to our happy planet4 ,yet he knew !m at fir/ h&1 knew !m ev5 by "n4 ,!y w\ld all be on ! look-out = u4 ,aga9/ sev]al1 = he _h 8 fri5dly impulses1 he w>n$ u 9 p>ticul>4 ,7 we good %ots & quick on ! trigg]8 ,! man :o pull$ fir/1 he rem9d$ u1 _h ! drop on ! o!r fell[4 ,!re 0 a 8/iff0 nam$ ,morris :o 0 peculi>ly deadly1 ,morris1 a ,canadian1 :o _h kill$ 8 man 9 a saloon brawl across ! riv] & _h skipp$ ov] ! bord] into ,m9nesota4 ,morris w\ld be int]e/$ 9 8guys0 l u4 ,he describ$ him 9 detail4 ,we look$ =w>d to ,morris4 ,!y 7 *e]y camp-fire /ories ,gallup told u nightly4 ,we crawl$ into our *illy t5t1 wond]+ a little1 ea* 9 8 own ?9 blanket1 :at ^! hairy m5 7 go+ to d to 8guys l u40 ,we did n wond] long4 ,sleep came l a clap4 ,at dawn1 ! w9d j ris+1 & ! *ipmunks dropp+ fir-cones on to our t5t ) m9iature reports1 ! hairy m5 7 all =gott54 ,x 0 impossible to hold an ugly ?\ght ( any k9d4 ,! riv] sang at our feet1 ! sky 0 pe>l & rose1 ! air 0 %>ply p]fum$ ) smells ( =e/ & wood-smoke1 & glimpses ( sunrise %one ev]y:]e betwe5 ! trees2 trees t /ret*$ )\t a break five hundr$ miles to ! %ores ( ,james ,bay 9 ! arctic seas4 ,we gulp$ our tea & bacon1 pack$ t5t & blankets1 split op5 ! cracks 9 our swoll5 h&s1 & laun*$ ! canoes ^u a cry/al riv] t swirl$ along 9 eddies & %eets ( col\r4 ,sometimes x n>r[$ to a c\ple ( hundr$ y>ds betwe5 rugg$ cliffs :]e ! wat] rac$ t[>ds a rapid1 sometimes x broad5$ into wide1 lake-l spaces2 !re 7 rea*es ( placid calm2 !re 7 /ret*es :ite ) tumbl+ foam4 ,! sun blaz$ d[n2 we turn$ a %>p b5d & surpris$ a de]2 a porcup9e waddl$ up aga9/ a p9e-/em2 a fi% leap$ 9 a gold5 pool2 birds fla%$ & vani%$2 !re 0 a sil5ce1 a /illness beyond all tell+4 ,nuggets1 gold du/1 hairy m51 six-%oot]s--no?+ matt]$6 ,x 01 inde$1 ?is lonel9ess1 ?is entire abs5ce ( all o!r human signs1 t gradually betray$ ! tru?4 ,:]e 0 ! /ream ( fr5zi$ gold-seek]s8 ,:]e 0 ! ru% ! pap]s m5tion$8 ,beyond a few /ray ,indians on ! f\r? day1 we saw no liv+ be+4 ,gallup's tales ( t]ror began to lose _! /+4 ,( real in=mation he v\*saf$ no s+le item4 ,b :o want$ real in=mation8 ,ra9y ,lake ,city might be ! leg5d>y city ( gold t lies beyond ! mirages ( ! ,lybian des]t1 = all ,i c>$4 ,! ,city ( ,new ,york 0 out ( sight4 ,t 0 ! important ?+4 ,! s]ies ( wild1 lonely camps lie blurr$ 9 ! composite outl9e ( a s+le camp2 eight dawns comb9e into "o2 ,i rememb] cle> night-skies ablaze ) brilliant />s2 ,i rememb] ! moon ris+ beh9d ! black wall ( =e/ across ! wat]4 ,all night ! riv] sang & :isp]$4 ,police c\rts & ,mrs4 ,b]n/e9's room hid f> away 9 ! dim rea*es ( "s =m] life4 ,beh9d ^!1 aga91 lay a %ad[y1 =gott5 ,k5t4 ,!re 7 haunt+ faces1 veil$ by di/ance1 = a /range remot5ess curta9$ ! pa/ ) unreality4 ,! wond] ( ! pres5t dom9at$4 ,^! woods1 ?is riv]1 rul$ ! _w1 & some:]e 9 ! he>t ( t old =e/ ! leg5d>y ,w5digo1 ^: hi/ory ,i wrote lat] 9 a book1 _h its awful lair4 ,ow+ to ,gallup's trick ( l5g!n+ ! j\rney1 our food gave out1 b ) fi%1 v5ison & p>tridge x 0 impossible to />ve4 ,! la/-nam$1 a gr\se actually1 p]*es 9 ! bran*es1 wait+ to be %ot2 a bullet mu/ take its head (f or x is useless = ! pot b :izz+ bullets d n di/urb x1 & sev]al birds1 sitt+ close toge!r1 c be pick$ (f s]iatim4 ,"s dri$ /urgeon we f\nd1 too1 on an isl&--an ,indian /urgeon fi%]y--:]e great odor\s /rips 7 hang+ 9 ! sun4 ,! braves 7 away1 & ! squaw left 9 *>ge 0 p]suad$ to sell u slabs ( ?is excell5t meat4 ,9 a deep1 cle> pool "s half-doz5 liv+ mon/]s1 hook$ by ! nose1 turn$ sl[ly r\nd & r\nd1 wait+ ! mom5t ( _! dea?4 ,! isl& 0 int]e/+ = ano!r reason--x 0 an ,indian canoe factory4 ,"h ! ,r$sk9s built _! craft ( bir*b>k1 & a doz5 canoes 9 v>i\s /ages ( completion lay 9 ! broil+ sun4444 ,to me x 0 all visible romance1 adv5ture1 wond] 9 ! he>t ( an unspoilt spr+1 ) ,hiawa?a r\nd ! next big b5d4 ,paxton & ,r4,m4 took ano!r view4444 ,on ! eigh? night--our la/1 _h we kn[n x--!re 0 an 8incid5t40 ,gallup _h be5 unusually sil5t & extra (f5sive all day1 _h 8gallop$0 at top spe$1 _h refus$ to answ] a s+le "q1 & ! idea came to u all ?ree simultane\sly t he 0 n los+ 8 way ) ! m]e object ( m money1 b 0 tak+ u out ( our r\te ) a m s9i/] purpose4 ,we dep5d$ on ! fell[ entirely2 words or viol5ce 7 equally useless2 we 7 q helpless4 ,he 0 conv9c$ we c>ri$ money1 = no ?ree ,engli%m5 ( our type w\ld make su* a trip )\t x4 ,:at 0 easi]1 we :isp]$ to "o ano!r1 ?an to murd] u & bury our bodies 9 ! trackless1 lonely =e/8 ,we wat*$ him4444 ,t night1 exhau/$ to ! bone1 we camp$ on a po9t ( wood$ %ore aga9/ ! sunset4 ,across ! broad rea* ( wat]1 ?ree miles away p]haps1 0 an ,indian encampm5t4 ,po9t$ wigwams & ! smoke ( _m fires 7 visible2 voices 7 audible 9 ! di/ance4 ,! w9d _h di$ d[n z usual ) ! sun4 ,a deep hu% lay ov] ! sc5e4 ,&1 h>dly _h we l&$1 almo/ too we>y to drag ourselves up ! bank1 :5 ,gallup /epp$ back into 8 ,ma9e canoe & pu%$ (f d[n/ream )\t a ^w4 ,he /ood upright2 he did n sit or kneel4 ,8 figure 0 outl9$ "o m9ute aga9/ ! r$ sky1 ! next 8 silh\ette m]g$ into ! d>k =e/ beyond4 ,he disappe>$4 ,he _h gone1 we agre$1 = "o ( two reasons3 to get food1 or to return 9 ! d>k & pick u (f1 mu* z we pick$ (f ! gr\se f ! bran*es4 ,we incl9$ t[>ds ! latt] !ory--& kept eyes & e>s wide op54 ,we made a dim9utive fire 9 a holl[1 le/ we be too visible 9 ! surr\nd+ d>kness4 ,we li/5$1 wat*$1 & wait$4 ,x 0 already dusk4 ,! night fell quickly4 ,riv] & =e/ became an imp5etrable %eet ( blackness1 our t9y fire1 almo/ too small to cook on1 ! only speck ( light4 ,! />s came out1 peep+ ?r\gh ! bran*es4 ,!re 0 no w9d4 ,we %iv]$ 9 ! cold1 li/5+ = e slighte/ s\nd 444 & ! h\rs pass$4 8,he'll wait till we're asleep10 said ,r4,m41 keep+ 8 eyes op5 ) ! greate/ difficulty4 ,paxton f+]$ 8 revolv] & mumbl$ 8,ou*6 ,ou*60 ,only ! cold prev5t$ u fall+ asleep1 z1 weapons 9 h&1 we took turns to wat* & li/54 ,_h we ! "r to fire ! in/ant we saw a figure8 ,%\ld we wait till ! sc\ndrel made a sign8 ,we discuss$ endlessly 9 :isp]s4 ,?\gh no w9d /irr$ ! bran*es1 ! noises 9 t 8sil5t0 =e/ nev] ceas$1 because no =e/ ev] is1 or c be1 really sil5t4 ,! ef=t ( li/5+ produc$ !m by ! doz54 ,on e side twigs snapp$ & dry wood crackl$4 ,s(t1 /eal?y foot/eps 7 ev]y:]e on ! p9e-ne$les4 ,canoes l&$ high] up & l[] d[n2 paddles dripp$ out 9 ! riv] z someone approa*$2 sometimes two or ?ree dim figures cr\*$ l[ on ! %ore1 sometimes only "o4 ,f9ally1 = safety's sake1 we let ! fire g out altoge!r4 ,arm$ to ! tee?1 we 7 /ill %iv]+ 9 ! cold d>kness well on into ! night1 & at "s di/ance f ! dy+ emb]s1 :5 sudd5ly--we ne>ly scream$--!re 0 a s\nd ( a voice4 ,x 0 a man's voice2 he 0 angry2 he 0 curs+4 ,a flame %ot up b5ea? ! trees4 ,we saw ,gallup on 8 knees bl[+ up ! hemlock coals4 ,he _h l&$1 pull$ 8 canoe on to ! bank1 & come up to )9 a few y>ds ( :]e we /ood )\t our he>+ ! fa9te/ s\nd4 ,he said no ^w4 ,he cook$ himself no food4 ,he j made a huge fire1 spread 8 blanket beside ! com=t+ blaze1 curl$ up1 & fell asleep4 ,we soon foll[$ 8 example4 ,probably he _h enjoy$ a squ>e meal ) ! ,indians1 !n saunt]$ home to b$4444 ,next day we rea*$ ,ra9y ,lake ,city1 paid him (f1 & saw him pu% (f up/ream 9 8 ,ma9e canoe )\t hav+ utt]$ a s+le ^w4 ,he j c\nt$ ! doll> bills & vani%$4 ,ra9y ,lake ,city 0 a few acres r\ghly cle>$ f ! primval =e/1 yet ) av5ues cut ?r\gh ! d5se trees to indicate /reets :]e tramc>s 7 to run at "s future date4 ,riv]1 lake & =e/ comb9$ to make an en*ant+ sc5e4 ,!re 7 p]haps a hundr$ m5 !re4 ,!re 0 gold1 b !re 0 no gold-du/1 no %9+ pans to sift ! preci\s s&2 9 a ^w1 no plac]-m9+4 ,x 0 all qu>tz2 ma*9]y to cru% ! qu>tz _h to be dragg$ 9 ov] ! ice 9 ! w9t]4 ,capital 0 ess5tial1 l>ge lumps ( capital4 ,a ^w ( inquiry 9 ,new ,york c\ld h told me ?is4 ,i felt r guilty1 b v happy4 ,paxton & ,r4,m4 7 philosophical4 ,no ^w ( blame escap$ _! lips4 ,!y _h ! "r to curse me1 :]eas bo? play$ ! "p ( ,balaam4 ,ev5 at ! "t ,i ?\ght ?is odd4 ,nei!r ( !m seem$ to c>e a /raw4 8,we'll /ake a claim10 said ,r4,m4 at int]vals4 ,p]haps bo? 7 s pleas$ to h arriv$ safely t !y nei!r grumbl$ nor abus$ me4 ,! tru? 0 t1 l myself1 ?\gh = r diff]5t reasons1 bo? ( !m 7 reliev$ to be 8away f home40 ,! eng9e]1 ,i discov]$ lat]1 0 glad t #a1ejj miles lay betwe5 him & ,new ,york ,city4 ,we pit*$ our t5t by ! %ore & proce$$ to inve/igate4 ,liv+ co/ little4 ,x 0 sunny wea!r1 x 0 spr+4 ,"o company 0 already s9k+ a %aft & work+ a small cru%]2 !re 7 %acks & %anties ev]y:]e2 ! 8city0 0 z peaceful z ! inside ( ,/4 ,paul's ,ca!dral2 we saw no hairy m51 b we saw mosquitoes4 ,) ! fir/ w>m nights ^! pe/s em]g$ = ! season 9 _! millions2 !y 7 v l>ge & v hungry2 !y hung 9 ! air l cl\ds ( smoke2 !y welcom$ u2 z ,r4,m4 said1 !y _h probably writt5 ! newspap] acc\nts t adv]tis$ ! place4 ,we _h no nett+4 ,!y /ung ! be>s bl9d2 !y w\ld h /ung a baby to dea?1 _h !re be5 any babies1 except ourselves1 to /+4 ,! only gold we saw 0 a lump1 valu$ at #e1jjj1 ly+ beside a revolv] on ! c\nt] ( ! ,bank ( ,montreal's %ack4 ,! cl]k all[$ u to hold x = a second ea*4 ,x 0 ! only gold we t\*$4444 ,we inve/igat$1 z m5tion$2 we w&]$ ab\t2 we fi%$ & %ot1 we rubb$ ,indian /uff ov] our faces to keep ! mosquitoes (f2 we enjoy$ happy1 c>eless1 easy days1 ba?+ 9 ice-cold wat]1 bask+ 9 hot sun%9e1 re/+1 loaf+1 & sp9n+ y>ns ) all & sundry r\nd our camp-fires4 ,aft] ,new ,york x 0 a p>adise1 & b = ! mosquitoes1 we c\ld h dress$ 9 fig leaves4 ,except = ! "q ( hav+ en\gh money to get out aga9 be=e ! iron w9t] set 9 t[>ds ,octob]1 we might h sp5t ! :ole summ] !re4 ,we decid$ to leave :ile x 0 /ill possible4 ,to paddle a hundr$ & fifty miles aga9/ ! /ream 0 n attractive4 ,we w\ld d ! trip on foot4 ,sell+ t5t & canoe to ! cl]k 9 ! bank1 we set out across ! ,tw5ty-,six ,mile ,portage "o day t[>ds ! end ( ,june4 ,a p>ty ( five m51 also b\nd = ,dulu?1 jo9$ u1 & "o ( !m 0--,morris4 ,^? happy1 unproductive goldfields6 ,t unt5ant$ ,ra9y ,lake ,city :]e no tramc>s ev] ran1 nor f>o-tables fl\ri%$6 ,morris1 ! hairy desp]ado6 ,9 ! dismal ,new ,york days t foll[$ !y seem$ to belong to "s leg5d>y ,gold5 ,age4 ,romance & adv5ture1 bo? t\*$ ) com$y1 w5t h& 9 h&1 beauty & lib]ty height5+ "s imag9$ radiance4 ,wa/$ "t1 ( c\rse1 b = t v reason valuable beyond computation4 ,/or$ memories are /or$ en]gy t may prove ! raw mat]ial ( hope 9 days t foll[ aft]4 ,ev5 ,morris1 ! 8/iff10 & cut-?roat1 play$ 8 little "p 9 ! prop] _s4 ,!re 0 a price on 8 head 9 ,canada4 ,we wat*$ him closely2 we wat*$ 8 p>tn]s too4 ,! ,tw5ty-,six ,mile ,portage cut (f an imm5se b5d ( ! ,v]milion ,riv]1 runn+ ?r\gh ! dep?s ( trackless1 gloomy =e/ ! :ole way4 ,no?+ 0 easi] ?an to 8mix u up ) ! sc5]y0 z a phrase ( ^? p>ts express$ x4 ,especially mu/ we be on our gu>d at night4 ,"o ( u mu/ always only pret5d to sleep4 ,our =m] mi/ake ab\t ,gallup ne$ n make u c>eless4 ,a natural in/9ct to dramatize ! exp$ition might h succe$$ bett] if ,morris1 ! villa91 _h n sometimes miss$ 8 cue & fail$ to realize ! importance ( 8 rle4 ,! sc5]y1 at any rate1 0 "r4 ,! wea!r broke ! v day we />t$1 & ! region ju/ifi$ its translat$ ,indian "n4 ,a dr5*+ ra9 fell s\s+ on ! _w4 ,) our heavy packs we made sl[ progress1 crawl+ 9 s+le file b5ea? ! endless dripp+ trees1 soak$ to ! sk9 9 ! fir/ t5 m9utes4 ,!re 0 no trail1 b ,morris _h a compass4 ,d>kness fell e>ly on ! fir/ night :5 we _h cov]$ b>ely six miles4 ,morris f\nd a des]t$ lumb]m5's %anty4 ,"o man *opp$ d[n a pit*-p9e & cut out its dry he>t ( res9\s wood :i* caught fire in/antly2 ano!r soak$ a %r$ ( c$>-wood 9 a t9 mug fill$ ) melt$ bacon fat2 a ?ird cook$ d9n] = ! :ole p>ty2 & by eight o'clock we all lay gr\p$ ab\t ! fire1 dodg+ ! /reams ( wat] t spla%$ ?r\gh ! gap+ remnants ( ! p9e-log ro(4 ,outside 9 t w9dless =e/ ! drip ( ! ra9 0 l ! s\nd ( wat]falls1 b x 0 a magnific5t1 a haunt$1 a leg5d>y =e/ none ! less4 ,our %anty 0 fa9tly lit by ! flick]+ c$>-c&le4 ,que] %ad[s danc$1 eyes glitt]$1 ! faces "h & !re seem$ di/ort$ oddly 9 ! %ift+ flame & d>kness t alt]nately rose & fell4 ,"o by "o1 dog-tir$1 we fell asleep4 ,x 0 ,r4,m4's turn to wat*4 ,be=e supp] 0 end$ ev51 he lay s\ndly slumb]+1 8 head1 ) t\sell$ hair & ragg$ be>d1 ?r[n back aga9/ ! wall1 8 m\?1 conta9+ unswall[$ food--s we>y 0 he--half-op54 ,i ex*ang$ a significant glance ) ,paxton ov] 8 collaps$ body1 mean+ t we mu/ wat* in/ead4 ,our /eam+ clo!s dri$ sl[ly z ! night wore on4 ,! dripp+ trickle ( ! trees became l\d] & l\d]4 ,paxton1 v ?9 n[1 look$ l a sc>ecr[ 9 8 ragg$ %irt & coat4 ,8 cu/om>y exclamation 0 r>ely he>d4 ,he fell asleep 9 turn4 ,! re/ ( ! p>ty _h be5 snor+ = an h\r or m4 ,x 0 up to me to wat*4 ,i wat*$4 ,! next ?+ ,i knew 0 a sudd5 /eal?y movem5t1 & a l[ voice t woke me out ( a slumb] made ( lead4 ,! fire 0 l[1 ! c&le h>dly flick]$4 ,across ! gloom ,i saw ! movem5t t _h wak$ me--,morris1 ! hairy man1 0 /irr+4 ,i wat*$ him4 ,he sat up4 ,he lean$ cauti\sly ov]--t[>ds ,r4,m4 ,8 h& /ret*$ out sl[ly4 ,spl5did fell[6 ,i felt furi\s ) ,r4,m4 = fall+ asleep1 = keep+ 8 m\? op5 9 t idiotic way4 ,/upid idiot & fai?less comrade6 ,morris1 ,i saw1 0 do+ some?+ to 8 bulky1 motionless figure1 j ab\t to slit him op5 p]haps4 ,well1 let him slit6 ,x 0 ! head he t\*$4 ,he 0 do+ some?+ to ! sleep]'s head--pu%+ x--pu%+ x sideways s t a /ream ( wat] ?r\gh ! ro( might j miss fall+ on 8 %\ld] & ?us spla%+ ! hairy man's own face ) spray4 ,i wat*$ closely1 fai?ful to my job4 ,i saw ,morris ! ,/iff take a bit ( sp>e clo?+ out ( 8 pack & hang x ov] ,r4,m4's neck & %\ld]4 8,i got no use = x10 he 0 say+4 8,y] fri5d might je/ z well hev x40 ,he knew1 !re=e1 q well t ,i 0 wat*+4 ,b ,r4,m4 knew no?+1 less ?an no?+4 ,he nei!r /irr$ nor woke4 ,a m k9dly1 t5d]-he>t$ fell[ ?an ,morris ! ,/iff1 no travell] 9 wild places c\ld possibly desire4 ,x 0 p]haps a c\ple ( h\rs lat] :5 ,i woke aga91 di/urb$ ?is "t n by noise1 b by ! sudd5 abs5ce ( x4 ,"o w9t]'s night ! inhabitants ( ,niag>a1 simil>ly1 woke up because1 ice hav+ =m$1 ! ?und] ( ! falls _h ceas$4 ,i li/5$ a mom5t1 !n w5t out4 ,! ra9 _h ceas$1 ! cl\ds 7 gone1 9 a cle> sky ! ?ree-qu>t] moon %one brightly4 ,! ra9-wa%$ air seem$ p]fum$ beyond belief4 ,nor did ! old moon m]ely 8look r\nd h] :5 ! heav5s 7 b>e10 %e sprawl$ fanta/ically at full l5g?1 z x 71 9 h] magnific5t blue-black b$ ( nak$ space4 ,i w5t out to a cle> spot among ! trees4 ,f> away rose a s(t murmur4 ,! air humm$ & %ook ) ! ro> ( di/ant rapids1 s calm & /ill ! night 04 ,no bird1 no animal cri$4 ,! e>? h]self1 x seem$1 /opp$ turn+ 9 t wond]ful /illness4 ,^? few m9utes pa9t$ a picture t memory mu/ always keep4444 ,?ree mon?s lat] ! fir/ week 9 ,octob] f\nd u 9 ,new ,york aga94 ,! bullets 7 =gott5 &1 ( c\rse1 unm5tion$1 & five mon?s ( glori\s wa/$ "t lay safely beh9d u4 ,,*apt] ,,xxviii ,if x is impossible to recapture ! boyi% moods ( ^? e>ly days1 x is also difficult n to import into ^! notes ! po9t ( view & feel+s t belong to lat] life4 ,surely1 b gradually1 ! scale ( "t *anges ) ! ye>s1 & ) x ! range & quality ( ! emotions3 to-day1 a ye> seems a v brief p]iod2 ! few mon?s sp5t 9 ! woods aft] our ,gold ,fields fiasco seem$ bo? an et]nity1 yet f> too brief4 ,a fa9t flav\r ( *ildhood's imm5se scale1 :5 twelve mon?s 0 an immeasurable /ret* ( "t1 /ill clung to !m1 p]haps4 ,b ! magnet ( ,new ,york drew u4 ,any idea ( return+ to ,engl& until ,i _h made good 0 f> f me4 ,we arriv$ 9 ! dete/$ city late 9 ,octob]1 ) liv+s to e>n1 & ) less money ?an :5 we _h fir/ come two ye>s be=e4 ,we took sep>ate rooms ?is "t1 = ,i _h le>n$ my lesson ab\t %>+ b$s & clo!s & scanty e>n+s4 ,x 0 to be ea* man = himself4 ,paxton disappe>$ imm$iately2 only occasionally did ,i he> 8 8,ou*1 ,ou*60 aga92 ,m4 f\nd a b$ 9 ,h>lem & />t$ to tea* box+2 ,i took qu>t]s 9 ,ea/ #ba/ ,/reet1 on ! top floor ( a *eap b cleani% h\se1 & arrang$ = breakfa/ & d9n] 9 a neighb\r+ bo>d+-h\se at #b4ej a week4 ,two ,g]mans liv$ 9 ! adjo9+ attic4 ,?r\gh ! ?9 wood5 p>tition ,i he>d _! talk1 _! brea?+1 _! slighte/ movem5t4 ,!y r>ely came to b$ be=e midnight2 !y talk$ ! :ole night ?r\gh4 ,in=m+ !m 9 a l\d voice t ,i und]/ood _! language made no diff]5ce2 !y nei!r /opp$ nor answ]$4 ,yet1 oddly en\gh1 ,i nev] once saw !m2 nev] met !m on ! /airs1 nor 9 ! hall1 nor at ! front door4 ,!y rema9$ invisible1 if n inaudible4 ,b ,i =m$ vivid pictures ( !m1 & knew f _! conv]sation t !y 7 n bett] ?an !y ne$ be4 ,an old man & a "y "o1 ,i ga!r$4 ,an unpleasant h\se altoge!r1 ! l[ r5t m easily expla9$ ?an ,i at fir/ guess$4 ,long aft]w>ds ,i _h my rev5ge ^u ^? unsav\ry ,g]mans--by writ+ an awful /ory ab\t !m1 8,a ,case ( ,eavesdropp+10 ?\gh by ! "t x 0 publi%$ !y 7 probably ei!r dead or 9 gaol4 ,a s9i/] c\ple1 ^! invisible ,teutons6 ,my "o ma9 object 0 to avoid ! ,ev5+ ,sun3 any "w 0 bett]1 ,i felt1 ?an a return to t hat$ s5sational report+4 ,a place 0 always op5 to me "u ,mc,cloy1 b my dete/ation ( ! police c\rt1 & ( ! crim9al atmosph]e g5]ally1 0 s /rong t ,i w\ld r h tak5 a /reet-clean+ job "u ,tammany ?an g back to x4 ,i !re=e began by try+ free-lance "w1 ga!r+ news items & sell+ !m = a doll> or two apiece to v>i\s pap]s1 writ+ snippets ( description1 inv5t+ incid5ts1 & e>n+ p]haps t5 doll>s a week on ! av]age4 ,x 0 h>d go+1 b pawn+ & free lun*es 9 ! saloons made x possible to live4 ,i knew all ! tricks by n[2 ,i us$ !m4 ,! blanket (f my b$ occasionally sp5t a week-end ) a new 8,ikey10 ?\gh gett+ x out ( ! h\se & back aga9 0 no easy matt]1 :ile ! smell ( ! mo?-balls ,i always expect$ mu/ betray me4 ,x 0 a poor blanket1 too1 wor? only #ej c5ts f ,ikey's po9t ( view1 & c]ta9ly n wor? ! fooli% risk involv$4 ,=1 lit]ally--?\gh ?is nev] once occurr$ to me at ! "t--x 0 /eal+1 & ! fact t ,i told ,ikey :]e x came f1 hop+ to extract !reby an extra half-doll> f him1 c\ld n h exon]at$ me if ! l&lady _h met me on ! /airs4 ,p]sonally1 ,i ?9k ! quantity ( food ,i dev\r$ at ! free lun* c\nt]s 9 ex*ange = a five-c5t glass ( lag] 0 a m flagrant case ( !ft4 ,only x 0 a recogniz$ !ft4 ,! tempor>y abs5ce ( ! blanket1 anyh[1 s9ce ,i made my own b$1 0 nev] discov]$1 & my he>t rema9$ innoc5t ( consci\s burgl>y4 ,a doz5 ye>s be=e1 ag$ #ab1 ,i _h once be5 accus$ ( /eal+ by ! headma/] ( ! private s*ool ,i adorn$ 9 ,sev5oaks4 ,i 0 innoc5t1 b ! evid5ce 0 bo? ludicr\s & damn+1 s damn+1 inde$1 t1 /rangely1 ,i felt guilty & accept$ ! puni%m5t4 ,a t]rify+ exp]i5ce1 x haunt$ me = ye>s1 & ! sight ( a policeman1 or ! words 8crim9al judge10 s5t %iv]s d[n my sp9e long aft]w>ds4 ,:5 a little old]1 ,i came to suspect t x 0 work$ up aga9/ me by ! ma/] to curry fav\r ) an influ5tial p>5t2 b at ! actual "t ,i _h visions ev5 ( prison--= some?+ ,i _h n done4 ,all ab\t a poem1 too6 ,at ev5+ 8prep0 a 8bit ( poetry10 z we call$ x1 _h to be le>nt by he>t2 my own poetry book 0 lo/2 ,i borr[$ "y ,gildea's4 ,! la/ ?+ 9 ! _w ,i want$ to own 0 t poetry book ( "y ,gildea1 ! la/ ?+ ,i want$ to d 0 to le>n t poem by he>t4 ,i sp5t ! h\r1 !re=e1 inscrib+ my "n ) elaborate fl\ri%es on ! title page4 ,twice ,i wrote x1 ) capitals1 ( :i* ,i 0 v pr\d2 ,i ?\ght x ornate & beautiful2 & :5 ! h\r 0 ov] ,i toss$ ! book into my lock] & =got all ab\t x4 ,next morn+ ,i 0 summon$ into ! headma/]'s pres5ce4 ,he wore r$ :isk]s ab\t an o!rwise clean-%av5 face3 a face ( natural /]nness1 ) a big nose1 a m\? ( iron1 & /eely blue eyes4 ,he 0 a cl]gyman ( evangelical p]suasion4 ,i _h no idea :y ,i _h be5 summon$1 b 8 glance made me at once feel uneasy4 8,blackwood m9or10 he said 9 a solemn & port5t\s voice1 8did y d--?is80 ,he held out ,gildea's poetry book t[>ds me ) ! cov] op54 ,8 f+] po9t$ to my "n 9 p5cil1 fl\ri%es & all4 ,i 0 completely puzzl$ z to :at 0 com+1 b ,i admitt$ ! signature ( c\rse4 8,is ! book y\rs80 he ask$4 ,i said x 0 n4 8,gildea has report$ ! loss ( 8 own copy10 ! voice ( doom w5t on4 8,x has be5 f\nd--9 y\r lock]--& ) y\r "n writt5 9 x40 ,! voice made me ?9k ( 8& ,god spake0 9 ! ,bible4 ,he look$ at me 9 su* a way t ,i felt sure ,i 0 go+ to be flogg$4 ,:at _h ,i done8 ,& :y8 ,i c\ldn't q rememb]4 ,no explanation came to me4 ,! simple tru? 0 too silly to m5tion4 ,i _h no?+ to say except to admit ev]y?+4 ,! man1 ) 8 awful mann] & appall+ aspect1 t]rifi$ me4 ,i /ood spee*less & p>alys$1 wond]+ :at 0 com+ next4 ,! r$ :isk]s made me ?9k ( ,satan4 ,i little dream$1 h[ev]1 t ! headma/] w\ld say :at he !n did say4 ,he spoke ) a t]ribly sl[1 delib]ate emphasis4 8,?is is z grave a case ( /eal+10 fell ! awful words ( judgm5t1 8z ev] came be=e a ,crim9al ,judge4 ,i h s5t = y\r fa!r40 ,i 0 petrifi$4 ,x 0 en\gh to fright5 any boy into 8 boots4 ,my fa!r 9 due c\rse arriv$2 ,gildea's p>5ts1 bo? ( !m1 arriv$ likewise2 !re 7 consultations1 my/]i\s com+s & go+s2 x 0 a day ( gloom & t]ror2 = "s reason ,i made no attempt to def5d myself2 x all flabb]ga/$1 fright5$1 puzzl$ me beyond und]/&+4 ,i 0 made to confess to ,gildea & to apologize to ! p>5ts4 ,to my own fa!r ,i said no?+4 ,he look$ tr\bl$1 yet someh[ n z grave z he ought to h look$4 ,p]haps he _h 8 d\bts4444 ,:at t fi5di% headma/]1 ^: "n ,i w n m5tion1 _h said beh9d my back1 ,i did n "k1 = my fa!r nev] ref]r$ to ! matt] aft]w>ds1 & bo? ,i & my bro!r 7 remov$ f ! s*ool at ! end ( ! t]m4 ,b ,i 0 sev]ely puni%$--s5t to ,cov5try = ?ree days--= do+ some?+ ,i _h bo? done & _h n done1 & ! phrase 8,crim9al ,judge0 0 burnt into my memory ) lett]s ( fire4 ,my rev5ge 0 r an oblique "o--a fight ) t headma/]'s son1 ?\gh ab\t q ano!r matt]4 ,) ea* bl[ ,i l&$--& ,i l&$ sev]al--,i saw r$ :isk]s on a boy ab\t my own age6 ,?is digression conc]n+ a poetry book occurs to me only n[1 :ile tell+ ( my wick$ness ab\t ! blanket4 ,! lesson t ma/] wi%$ to tea* me _h no effect1 = ! simple reason t ,i _h n /ol54 ,! fe>1 h[ev]1 d\btless rema9$2 ! inju/ice scor$ deep1 bitt] w\nds4 ,i trace back to x a curi\s p]si/5t dread1 n entirely oblit]at$ ev5 n[3 ! dread ( be+ accus$ ( a crime ,i h n committ$2 yet :]e ! evid5ce ( guilt seems ov]:elm+4 ,patanjali's 8,aphorisms0 describe a me?od ( liv+ ?r\gh 9 imag9ation all possible exp]i5ces4 ,a s]ies ( labori\s inc>nations w\ld be necess>y to exhau/ ^! exp]i5ces 9 ! ord9>y way4 ,!y c be liv$ out 9 ! m9d in/ead4 ,9 imag9ation1 anyh[1 ?anks to t little s*ool inju/ice1 ,i h (t5 tri$ to realize ! feel+s ( a man s]v+ a t]m ( imprisonm5t = a crime he has n committ$4 ,patanjali's int]e/+ me?od is1 at any rate1 a means ( op5+ ! m9d to a sympa!tic und]/&+ ( _m an exp]i5ce "o c\ld n o!rwise "k4 ,only imag9ation mu/ be su/a9$ & v detail$1 & ! projection ( ! p]sonality is n easy4 ,an int]lude ( play-act+ n[ enliv5$ my p]iod ( free-lance j\rnalism4 ,kay 0 9 my life aga91 & ! opportunity came ?r\gh him4 ,he _h sp5t ! summ] betwe5 odd jobs on ! /age1 & odd jobs at buy+ & sell+ ex*ange 9 ,wall ,/reet4 ,he made bo? ends meet1 at any rate1 & _h a *eap room 9 ! purlieus ( ,hobok5 across ! riv]4 ,a "p 9 a ?ird-rate t\r+ company _h j be5 (f]$ to him1 & he said he c\ld get me a "p z well4 ,"o-night /&s 9 ! small] t[ns ( ,new ,york ,/ate ) a c\ple ( plays1 ( :i* 8,jim1 ! ,p5man10 0 "o1 =m$ ! programme1 & my utt] ignorance ( act+1 he assur$ me1 ne$ n /& 9 ! way4 ,my sal>y w\ld be #ae a week1 ) travell+ exp5ses paid4 ,gilm\r1 ! lead+ man1 & organiz] ( ! company1 0 anxi\s to f9d someone l myself4 ,i jump$ at x4 ,gilm\r look$ me up & d[n & said ,i'd d4 ,i _h only "o l9e to say4 ,i 0 a prison w>d] on s5try duty1 pac+ to & fro betwe5 ! walls at night1 :5 ,gilm\r1 ! h]o1 escap+ f 8 cell1 knocks me d[n aft] a brief /ruggle1 & disappe>s into ! night4 ,a mom5t lat] ! al>m is giv52 o!r w>d]s arrive1 f9d me w\nd$ on ! gr\nd & ask :i* way ! prison] has gone4 8,t way10 ,i %\t1 po9t+ ! direction be=e los+ consci\sness2 :]eupon ! curta9 falls4 ,x 0 n an exact+ "p4 ,gilm\r said ,i %\ld make a 8bully w>d]40 ,my own %abby clo!s1 ) a br[n billycock hat1 w\ld d z !y 74 ,i 0 to c>ry a l>ge wood5 pi/ol4 ,we rehe>s$ ! sc5e1 sway+ to & fro1 brea?+ h>d1 grunt+ ) ef=t1 curs+ ea* o!r fi]cely1 until ! prison]1 wr5*+ ! pi/ol f me1 /ruck me on ! head & floor$ me4 ,su* 0 my rle4 ,i play$ x at ,yonk]s & ,m\nt ,v]non1 ?ree nights 9 ea* place1 if memory s]ves me correctly1 b 8w5t ?r\gh x0 is ! true description ( my p]=mance4 ,= ! !atre1 ei!r z a writ] or actor1 ,i possess no trace ( tal5t1 a fact r$iscov]$ rec5tly :5 play+ an insignificant "p 9 ,dr9kwat]'s 8,oliv] ,cromwell0 on t\r ) ,h5ry ,a9ley4 ,my dismissal at ! end ( ! fir/ week1 h[ev]1 0 n due to ?is lack ( skill--x 0 due to a pail ( be] & ! lead+ lady4 ,= ! lead+ lady1 h&some daught]1 ,i rememb]1 ( a ,wa%+ton ,g5]al1 0 ! inspiration ( ! t\r+ company1 & x 0 = h] beaux yeux t ! ent]prise 0 und]tak54 ,gilm\r 0 :at is kn[n z 8crazy0 ab\t h]1 8 jeal\sy a /&+ joke among u1 s t :5 ^? beaux yeux 7 turn$ ^u my lanky1 half-/>v$ self1 !re 7 w>n+s t tr\ble might beg94 ,b ,i 0 look+ = sal>y & food r ?an = tr\ble4 ,9 ! dress+-room we und]l+s all %>$ toge!r1 ?\gh 8dress+0 0 ( negligible k9d1 ,i 0 q safe4 ,*ance meet+s1 h[ev]1 7 unavoidable1 ( c\rse1 & ,bett9a's in/9ct = adv5ture 0 di/9ctly c>eless4 ,x 0 "h ! pail ( be] came 9--into our cr[d$ dress+-room4 ,:o br\ght x1 ,i h =gott52 ! miscreant :o /ood treat to ! b& ( hungry & ?ir/y ,!spians is lo/ to memory4 ,i only "k t1 empty ( food z ,i 01 my %>e ( t gallon pail di/9ctly *e]$ me4 ,! beaux yeux _h be5 boldly roll+2 ano!r pair ( eyes1 n s lovely1 _h be5 roll+ too4 ,to be ungallantly hone/ ab\t x1 my own feel+s 7 n engag$ 9 any way1 except on ?is p>ticul> night1 :5 !y 7 consid]ably r\s$--aga9/ t /upid1 jeal\s ,gilm\r4 ,! way he gl>$ 9 my direction /irr$ my bile2 ! few glasses ( be] made me reckless4 ,:5 ! escap+ prison] f\ght ) me = ! possession ( ! great wood5 pi/ol1 ,i refus$ to be 8?r[n40 ,! scanty audi5ce t night witness$ a good p]=mance ( my brief1 p>ticul> sc5e4 ,gilm\r curs$ & swore b5ea? 8 brea?1 b he 0 a small] man ?an ,i 04 ,he c\ld d no?+ ) me4 ,:at 0 a %ock+ p]=mance 9 "o s5se1 0 a reali/ic & s9c]e p]=mance 9 ano!r4 ,_h my %>e ( ! pail be5 slightly bigg] ?an x 01 ,i %\ld und\bt$ly h 8?r[n0 ! prison] & spoilt ! curta94 ,z x 01 h[ev]1 ,gilm\r manag$ 9 ! end to wr5* ! pi/ol f me1 & 9 do+ s1 8 fury g5u9e1 he l&$ me a bl[ on ! =ehead ) its heavy butt t /unn$ me4 ,i fell4 ,he fl$4 ,ro>s ( applause ,i he>d dimly4 ,my br[n billycock hat1 ,i rememb]1 fell on its spr+y brim1 b\nc$ into ! air1 !n hopp$ away aga9/ ! footlights4 ,& all my int]e/ w5t ) my preci\s hat4 ,to ! w>d]s :o at once ru%$ on ) cries ( 8,he's escap$6 ,:i* way did he g80 ,i us$ ! "r words1 tak+ my cue correctly4 ,only ,i po9t$ 9 ! wrong direction4 ,i po9t$ t[>ds my old hat aga9/ ! footlights4 ,x lay outside ! curta94 ,x is odd to ?9k t some:]e 9 ! "u-m9d ( ! individual :o lay half-/unn$ on ! /age ( a ,yonk]s !atre1 po9t+ wildly at a dilapidat$1 b preci\s1 old br[n billycock1 slept a score ( books1 wait+ pati5tly = expression a few ye>s lat]4 ,x is difficult1 inde$1 z ,i write ^! notes1 to realize t ! individual :o describes ! incid5ts is ! individual :o exp]i5c$ !m4 ,! body itself has *ang$ e s+le physical p>ticle at lea/ f\r times 9 succession4 ,nor is ! m9d ! same4 ,) ! exception ( "o or two ma9 int]e/s1 easily h&$ on by ! outgo+ atoms to ! incom+ atoms 9 ! bra91 8,i0 possess little t ! 8,i0 ( ^? di/ant ,new ,york days possess$4 ,ev5 ! cont9uity ( memory is bequea?able by atoms leav+ ! bra9 to ! new ones j arriv+4 ,:]e1 !n1 is ! self :o exp]i5c$ ye>s ago :at ! self hold+ ?is p5 n[ sets d[n8 ,! 8,i10 dur+ ! next few ye>s1 at any rate1 w5t roll+2 roll+ f "o exp]i5ce to ano!r1 if n *e]ily1 at lea/ resign$ly4 ,:atev] happ5$--& :at happ5$ 0 mo/ly unpleasant--!re 0 nev] abs5t ! conviction t x 0 des]v$1 & mu/ be liv$ out 9 a _s ( acceptance1 until f9ally exhau/$4 ,any o!r attitude t[>d unwelcome ev5ts meant evasion1 & a disagreeable exp]i5ce %irk$ m]ely po/pon$ x to ano!r "t1 ei!r 9 ?is life or ano!r4 ,!re 01 mean:ile1 a real self t rema9$ alo(1 unt\*$1 nei!r happy nor unhappy1 a spectator1 b a royal spectator4 ,into ?is et]nal ,self 0 ga!r$ ! fruit & ess5ce ( ea* & e exp]i5ce ! l[] 8,i0 pass$ ?r\gh2 ! secret ( liv+ 0 to id5tify oneself ) ?is exalt$ & untr\bl$ royalty4444 ,! roll+-/one w5t roll+1 !re=e1 some:at 9 ?is _s1 :i* help$ & com=t$1 :i* made mo/ ?+s possible1 be>able at any rate1 because x 0 ! outcome ( t /range inn] conviction e/abli%$ 9 my blood1 a conviction1 z m5tion$1 nei!r argum5t nor evid5ce c\ld alt]4 ,lett]s f home1 home memories z well1 p]ta9$ n[ to "s di/ant1 unrecov]able region t 0 dead & gone4 ,my "m's lett]s--"o e week )\t a s+le omission--express$ a l>g] _s4 ,h] fai?ful lett]s1 secure 9 a s9c]e belief1 7 v preci\s1 ,i rememb]4 ,sometimes1 ?\gh nev] successfully1 !y tempt$ me almo/ to giv+ my full confid5ce & tell+ m ?an my cam\flag$ reports reveal$4 ,f ! re/ ( my family1 ) ! exception ( a really lov$ bro!r1 ,i knew myself entirely divorc$1 a divorce t lat] ye>s prov$ f9al & someh[ inevitable4 ,to my fa!r1 :o 0 always some?+ ( a /rang] to me1 ,i c\ld nev] tell my he>t2 my "m1 on ! o!r h&1 always _h my confid5ce1 c\pl$ ) an au/]e respect4 ,few words pass$ betwe5 u1 yet %e always knew1 ,i felt1 my ?\ghts4 ,& ?is full confid5ce dat$1 oddly en\gh1 f an incid5t 9 e>ly *ildhood1 :5 ,i 0 say+ ! ,"l's ,pray] at h] knee4 ,!re 0 a phrase t puzzl$ me ev5 :5 ,i 0 9 knick]bock]s3 8,lead u n into temptation44440 ,i /opp$1 look$ up into h] face1 & ask$3 8,b w\ld ,he lead me into temptation unless ,i ask$ ,him n to80 ,h] eyes op5$1 %e gaz$ d[n into m9e ) a ?\ghtful1 if p]plex$ expression1 = a mom5t %e 0 evid5tly at a loss h[ to answ]4 ,%e hesitat$1 !n decid$ to tru/ me ) ! tru?3 8,i h nev] q und]/ood ^? words myself10 %e said4 8,i ?9k1 ?\gh1 x is be/ to leave _! explanation to ,him1 & to say ! words exactly z ,he taught !m40 8,old s\ls0 & 8"y s\ls0 0 a classification t rul$ my m9d 9 ?is ,new ,york p]iod3 my "m 0 ( ! =m]1 my fa!r ( ! latt]4 ,9 ! ,old lay innate ! fruits1 ! results1 ! memories ( _m _m previ\s lives1 & ?is rip5ess ( long exp]i5ce %[$ itself 9 c]ta9 ways--9 ta/e1 9 judgm5t1 9 _! /&>d ( values1 9 t my/]i\s quality call$ tact2 above all1 p]haps1 9 ! type & quality ( goods !y desir$ f life4 ,worldly ambitions1 s-call$1 7 g5]ally negligible 9 !m4 ,:at we label to-day z ! subconsci\s 0 inv>iably fully *>g$2 also1 )\t too mu* difficulty1 accessible4 ,x made !m int]e/+1 /imulat+ & n easily exhau/$4 ,wide sympa?ies1 spread *>ity1 und]/&+ 7 _! hall-m>ks1 & a c]ta9 wisdom1 z ap>t f intellect1 _! inv>iable gift2 )1 moreov]1 a t5d5cy to wit1 if n t r>e quality wit itself1 & hum\r1 ! p[] ( see+1 & !re=e laugh+ at1 oneself4 ,! *eap] exp]i5ces ( bir?1 success1 possessions !y _h le>n$ long ago2 x 0 ! m difficult1 b high]1 values !y _h come back to ma/]1 & among ! humbl] ranks ( life !y f\nd ! necess>y conditions4 ,*ri/1 ,i reflect$1 0 ! son ( a c>p5t]4 ,! ,"y ,s\ls1 on ! o!r h&1 7 inv>iably hot-foot aft] ! ?+s ( ?is _w4 ,%[1 ,ri*es & ,p[] /uck l r$ labels on _! =eheads4 ,! ,napoleons ( ! e>? 7 among ! y\nge/ ( all2 ! intellectuals1 ^? :o reli$ on reason alone1 (t5 ! prosp]\s1 usually ! well-born1 7 ( ! same category4 ,r>ely 0 8und]/&+0 9 !m1 & brilliant clev]ness c\ld nev] rank ) t wisdom :i* kn[s t t\t compr5dre1 c'e/ t\t p>donn]4 ,to me ! ,"y ,s\ls 7 ! commonplace & un9t]e/+ ones4 ,!y 7 %all[1 sket*y1 soon exhau/$1 ! ,dutz5d-m5s*52 :]eas1 ! o!rs 7 intuitive1 mature 9 outlook1 aw>e ( deep] values & eag] = ! ?+s ( ! _s4444 ,?9k+ ov] my di/+ui%$ relations1 ,i f\nd none fit to black ! boots ( t k9dly wait] 9 ,kris*'s *eap eat+-h\se1 ,otto1 ! ,black ,=e/ ,g]man1 :o tru/$ u = food & (t5 =w5t 8 trump]y tip ) a *e]y smile4 ,& !re 7 _m o!rs1 ^: memory rema9s bright & wond]ful f ^? dismal ,new ,york ye>s4444 ,a volume ( 8,di/+ui%$ ,p ,i h ,met10 = in/ance1 w\ld include ! ,italian bootblack at ! corn] ( #d? ,av5ue & #bj? ,/reet1 :o _h ! sun 9 8 face1 9 8 bright black eyes & br[n sk91 & :o tru/$ me sometimes = a mon?1 al?\gh five c5ts meant z mu* to him z x did to me4 ,! bigwigs ,i int]view$ = newspap]s are =gott51 b ! faces ( ,otto & ! ,italian %9e 9 memory /ill4 ,i ev5 rememb] ! s5t5ce ! latt] taught me4 ,x inv>iably =m$ our daily greet+3 ,e molto tempo *e siete /ato amalato8 ,(t5 s9ce h ,i sp\t$ x 9 ,italy1 z bewild]$ by ! voluble replies ,i c\ld n und]/&1 z ! peasants 7 by my famili> enquiry aft] _! heal?4 ,mrs4 ,b]n/e91 ,i ?9k1 w\ld be entitl$ to a place1 & ,grant1 :o pawn$ 8 ov]coat to buy me food1 mo/ c]ta9ly to full m5tion4 ,,*apt] ,,xxix ,wor?y ( m detail$ description1 h[ev]1 is ! figure ( an old1 old man ,i met ab\t ?is "t1 a dignifi$1 v5]able & my/]i\s be+1 man ( ! _w1 lawy]1 musician1 s*ol>1 poet1 b above all1 exile4 ,incid5tally1 he 0 madman too4 ,:at unk9dly tricks fate _h play$ ) 8 f9e bra91 ,i nev] le>n$ ) accuracy4 ,x 0 b ! ru9 ( a great m9d ,i knew4 ,pa9 & suff]+ ( no unusual ord]1 z ,i soon discov]$1 _h1 at any rate1 left 8 he>t z wise & sweet & g5tle z any ,i h ev] kn[n4 ,8 voice1 8 eyes1 8 smile1 8 v ge/ures1 ev51 _h 9 !m all ! mis]y & all ! goodness ( ! _w4 ,our *ance meet+ deep5$ into a fri5d%ip1 ! intimacy ( :i* betwe5 ,padre & ,figlio--names he himself assign$ respectively--yet nev] p]mitt$ a full acc\nt ( 8 own my/]i\s pa/4 ,! little ,i ga!r$ ( 8 p]sonal hi/ory be=e he di$ "s doz5 ye>s lat] 9 ,engl&1 came to me f pat*work s\rces1 b none ( x f 8 own lips4 ,:at t]m ! ali5i/s might use to describe ! m5tal disord] ( ,alfr$ ,h4 ,l\is ,i d n "k4 ,! fir/ "t ,i saw him he cut a sorry figure2 an old fell[ 9 f> worse plight & ev5 worse d[n at heel ?an ,i 0 myself4 ,x 0 9 an olive-oil w>eh\se1 at ,no4 #a1 ,wat] ,/reet1 on ! riv] front4 ,mc,kay1 ! own]1 :om ,i _h met ?r\gh "s newspap] /ory or o!r1 _h conv]t$ me to ! wisdom ( an occasional glass ( olive oil4 ,x 0 heal?ful & delici\s1 b to me its *ief value 0 z food4 ,on ?is day ( broil+ heat ,i _h w&]$ 9 = a glass ( oil1 &1 :ile wait+ a mom5t = ! own] to appe>1 ,i notic$ an old tramp seat$ on a pack+-case1 gaz+ at me 9 p5etrat+ fa%ion4 ,he 0 a ,jew1 he 0 v small1 8 feet 7 t9y1 8 h&s1 ,i took 91 7 beautiful4 ,i ?\ght ( ,moses1 ( ,abraham1 "s ,biblical prophet come to life1 ( "s /ori$ be+ l ! ,w&]+ ,jew4 ,8 atmosph]e1 t is1 at once s5t a message ( some?+ unusual to my imag9ation4 ,b x 0 :5 ,mc,kay came 9 &1 to my surprise1 calmly introduc$ u z fell[ ,engli%m51 t my m9d 0 really />tl$--n because ! old tramp 0 ,engli%1 b because :5 he rose to %ake my h&1 x seem$ to me t "s great figure ( hi/ory rose to address1 n me1 b ! nations ( ! _w4 ,he rea*$ b>ely to my %\ld]1 8 face upturn$ to m9e1 yet ! feel+ came t x 0 ,i :o look$ up into 8 eyes4 ,! dignity & p[] ! frail outl9e convey$ 7 a/oni%+4 ,he 0 a ,pres5ce4 ,& 8 voice ! same in/ant--?\gh 9 "s commonplace ab\t hav+ kn[n ,"l ,duff]9--increas$ ! air ( greatness1 almo/ ,i _h said ( maje/y1 t he wore s naturally4 ,x 0 n m]ely cultur$1 deep & musical1 x vibrat$ ) a peculi> resonance t convey$ au?ority beyond any?+ ,i h kn[n 9 any o!r human voice4 ,we talk$ 444 he talk$1 r 444 hung]1 ?ir/1 ! afflict+ moi/ heat ( ! day 7 all =gott51 ,new ,york ,city 0 =gott5 too4 ,8 words c>ri$ me beyond ?is _w1 8 language 9 t a/oni%+ voice wore w+s t br\ght escape4 ,8 long frock-coat1 gre5 ) age & dirt2 8 brok5 boots & fray$ tr\s]s2 8 %apeless top hat1 bru%$ ! wrong way till x look$ l a beehive coat$ ) r\gh plu%2 8 grimy coll> )\t a tie2 ! spots ^u 8 grease-/a9$ wai/coat--all vani%$ completely4 ,x 01 above all1 ,i ?9k1 ! poetry 9 8 voice & words t br\ght ! balm & heal+ into my :ole be+4 ,! way 8 h&s mov$ too4 ,we talk$ = sev]al h\rs1 = x 0 ,mc,kay's nasal int]ruption1 say+ he mu/ close ! w>eh\se1 t br\ght me back to--,wat] ,/reet4 ,recklessly1 ?\gh ) a diffid5ce z ?\gh ,i 7 ) royalty1 ,i invit$ him to d9e1 b 9 ! *eap ,*ilds' ,eat+ ,h\se :]e we 8f$10 ,i soon p]ceiv$ t ,i _h no reason to feel emb>rass$4 ,a cup ( c(fee & 8s9k]s0 suffic$ him1 he took my %yness away1 he won my easy & full confid5ce2 & aft]w>ds--= he refus$ to let me g--z we sat1 t /ifl+ night1 on a b5* 9 ,batt]y ,p>k1 tramps & ,we>ie ,willies our neighb\rs1 b ! salt air f ! sea 9 our no/rils1 he us$ a phrase t1 giv+ me ! calibre ( 8 ?\ght1 0 too significant ev] to be =gott54 ,i _h spok5 ( my hatr$ ( ! city & ( my pres5t circum/ances 9 x4 ,he pe]$ into my face a mom5t b5ea? 8 dreadful hat1 !n1 rais+ a beautiful h& by way ( emphasis1 8 deep voice came to me l "s music ( ! sea itself3 8,no man wor? 8 spiritual salt10 he said ) impressive g5tl5ess1 8is ev] entangl$ 9 locality40 ,he smil$1 & ! t5d]ness ( ! voice 0 9 ! eyes z well4444 ,! little p>k empti$ gradually1 ! heat$ pav+-/ones lo/ some?+ ( _! furnace brea?1 ! />s 7 visible ov]head beyond ! great arc lights1 ! p>*$ leaves ru/l$ fa9tly1 & ,i spoke to him ( poetry4 ,he _h liv$ ) ,longfell[1 he _h kn[n ,br[n+4 ,! poetry ( ! _w 0 9 8 s\l--,greek1 ,lat91 ,g]man1 ,fr5*1 above all1 ,hebrew4 ,i drank 9 8 words1 unaw>e ( ! pass+ h\rs4 ,to me x 0 l f9d+ a well 9 ! des]t :5 ,i 0 dy+ ( ?ir/4 ,ev5 ! awful city he transfigur$4 ,sudd5ly 8 lean f+]s t\*$ my arm1 8 voice deep5$ & grew s(t1 he took 8 hat (f4 8,i w say my ,night-,song to y n[10 he said4 8,i c only say x to v1 v few4 ,= ye>s ,i h said x to--no "o4 ,b y %all he> x40 ,if !re 0 some?+ 9 8 voice & mann] t ?rill$ me to ! core1 ! poem he !n repeat$ on t b5* 9 ,batt]y ,p>k at midnight gave me indescribable s5sations ( beauty & delight4 ,i realiz$ ,i li/5$ to a p]sonal confession t 0 a revelation ( ! my/]i\s old he>t b5ea? ! gre5 frock-coat4 ,x seem$ to me t ,night h]self spoke ?r\gh him3 ,kn[n only1 only to ,god & ! night1 & ! />s & me6 ,prophetic1 jubilant ,song1 ,smit+ ! rock-b\nd h\rs till ! wat]s ( life fl[ free2 ,& a ,s\l1 on p9ion /rong1 ,flie? af>1 & hov]s ov] ! inf9ite sea ,( love & ( melody3 ,:ile ! bl9d fates weave _! nets ,& ! _w 9 sleep =gets4 ,kn[n only1 only to me & ! night1 & ! />s & ,god6 ,song1 f a burn+ brea/1 ,( a l& ( p]fect$ delights :i* ! foot ( man ne'er trod1 ,l a foam+ w9e express$ ,f passionate fruits t gl[$ 'mid ! b\ghs ( ! ,ed5 lo/1 ,ere s9 0 born & fro/2-- ,song wild ) desires & regrets1 ,:ile ! _w 9 sleep =gets4 ,kn[n only1 only to me & ,god1 & ! night & ! />s6 ,! beacon fire ( song1 ,flam+ = guidance & hope :ile ! /orm-w9ds wage _! w>s2 ,balm = ! anci5t wrong1 ,dropp+ f heal+ w+s on ! w\nds ( ! he>t & bra91 ,qu5*+ _! anci5t pa93 ,love-/> t rises & sets1 ,:ile ! _w 9 sleep =gets4 ,kn[n only1 only to ,god & me1 & ! />s & ! night6 ,dove t returns to my ark1 ,murmur+ ( grief-floods fall+1 ( light beyond all light3 ,voice t cleave? ! d>k1 ,s++ ( e>? gr[+ heav51 ( di/ant l&s t bless1 ,?\gh !y may n c>ess1 ,&1 bless+1 pay ,love's old debts1 ,:ile ! _w 9 sleep =gets4 ,long be=e he end$ ! te>s 7 c\rs+ sl[ly d[n 8 )]$ *eeks1 & :5 ! la/ ^w di$ away a long sil5ce came betwe5 u1 = ,i c\ld f9d no words to express ! emotion 9 me4 ,he took my h& & held x a mom5t tightly1 !n pres5tly got up1 put on 8 old hat aga91 ) ! rem>k t x 0 "t = b$1 & foll[$ me sl[ly to a ,broadway cable c>4 ,8 small1 frail figure seem$ to h dw9dl$ to a *ild's %ad[ z he mov$ beside me2 he _h a way ( hun*+ 8 ?9 %\ld]s t /ill fur!r dw>f$ 8 height2 ,i felt myself a giant physically1 b 9 my m9d 8 /ature rea*$ ! />s4 ,we ex*ang$ addresses4 ,he liv$ 9 #h? ,/reet1 a mis]able attic1 ,i le>n$ lat]1 ?\gh ,i nev] actually ent]$ x4 ,( 8 m5tal disord] no inkl+ _h !n rea*$ me4 ,i wat*$ him melt into ! %ad[s ( ! side /reet ) ! feel+ t ,i wat*$ "s leg5d>y figure1 "s anci5t prophet1 "s my/]i\s prie/4 ,he smil$ at me2 !re 0 love & bless+ 9 ! brilliant eyes4 ,!n he 0 gone4444 ,= me1 at ?is "t1 to meet & talk ) su* a man held some?+ ( ! fabul\s4 ,he _h set fire to a hundr$ new ?\ghts & left !m flam+ 9 me4 ,x 0 9 ?is way began a fri5d%ip t has always seem$ to me m>vell\s1 & t la/$ till 8 dea? 9 ,engl& "s fifte5 ye>s lat]4 ,sweet1 pati5t1 resign$ & lovable to ! end1 he di$ incurably insane1 ! *>ity 9 him nev] ta9t$1 ! t5d]ness un/a9$1 ! passionate love ( 8 k9d1 ( beauty1 ( all t is lovely & ( good report1 unspoilt4 ,! grimme/ pa9 _h n s\r$ ! natural sweetness 9 him1 8 g5tle _s knew no bitt]ness1 8 megalomania1 complicat$1 ,i believe1 ) o!r v>ieties ( disord]1 0 h>mless & in(f5sive4 ,z ,padre he /ill lives 9 my memory2 z ,! ,old ,man ( ,visions 78,! ,li/5]071 he /ill haunts my imag9ation4 8,y h tak5 my "n away10 he *id$ me ) a smile1 :5 ,i publi%$ ?is picture ( him4 8,i am n[ unc]ta9 :o ,i am4 ,t is well4 ,i am ,anybody ,i *oose to be4 ,i w be ,ev]ybody40 ,he _h rooms 9 ,great ,russell ,/reet at ! "t4 ,?\gh baptis$ by ,*>les ,k+sley into ! ,engli% ,*ur*1 he lat] became a ,roman ,ca?olic1 b1 :5 ! end came1 he rev]t$ to ! blood & fai? born 9 him4 ,he 0 buri$1 by 8 own wi%1 9 a ,hebrew cemet]y4 ,! epitaph he s (t5 told me ) an ironic smile he _h *os5 = 8 own 0 n1 h[ev]1 us$4 ,talk1 he always decl>$1 va91 excessive talk1 lay at ! bottom ( e misund]/&+ 9 ! _w4 ,if p w\ld talk less1 !re w\ld be less tr\ble 9 life4 8,sorry ,i spoke10 0 to be cut ^u "o ( 8 tomb/ones2 8,sorry !y spoke0 ^u ! o!r4 ,a poem he wrote--publi%$1 l ! ,night ,song1 9 ,h>p]'s ,magaz9e--describ+ dea?1 ,i h kept all ^! ye>s4 ,! /range int5sity ( expression he put into ! passage :i* beg9s3 8,! s& ( my ,be+ is fus$ & runs 4440 lives 9 my m9d to ?is day4 ,! title ( ! poem 0 8,! ,f9al ,^w03 ,h5ce !n at la/6 ,= ! /rife is pa/ ,( ! ,bir? & ,dea?1 ( ! ,self & ,s\l2 ,! memory breaks1 ! brea? =sakes1 ,! waves ( ! !r o'er me roll4 ,! pulses cease1 & ! ,h\rs release ,_! we>i$ s*ool ( ! n]ves & bra92 ,i fall on ! ,deep ( ! ,my/ic ,sleep1 ,:]e ! ,^w t is ,life c be he>d aga94 ,& ! fires desc5d1 & my fragm5ts bl5d1 ,& ! s& ( my ,be+ is fus$ & runs ,to ! m\ld ( a glass = ! rays to pass ,( ! ,sun ( ! c5tre t rules all suns4 ,b1 or ev] ,i re/1 ,i take f my brea/ ,my blood-dra9$ he>t = ! tablet :ite ,( a gospel page to ! f>-(f ,age-- ,o ,h& et]nal6--,come =?--& write6 ,,*apt] ,,xxx ,! p]sonality ( ,alfr$ ,h4 ,l\is is id5tifi$ ) ,new ,york = me2 he accompani$ my rema9+ ye>s !re1 guide1 philosoph] & fri5d4 ,he took 9 h& t indiscrim9ate het]og5e\s read+ :i* ! ,free ,libr>y made possible4 ,he prov$ an unfail+ & inspir+ c\nsellor4 ,h[1 :y or :5ce he came to be 9 ,am]ica at all ,i nev] knew4 ,"o ?+ t /irr$ him into vehem5ce1 :5 ! pa/ 0 m5tion$1 0 ! "n ( ,glad/one4 ,) fla%+ eyes & voice ( ?und] he condemn$ ! ,gr& ,old ,man1 bo? z to "* & policy1 9 unmeasur$ t]ms4 ,glad/one1 app>5tly1 _h done him a p]sonal injury z well4 8,we _c let t man come among u10 0 ,glad/one's dictum1 :5 ,l\is's "n 0 be+ consid]$ z a c&idate = ,p>liam5t by ! ,p>ty4 8,he is too e>ne/40 ,?is fragm5t 0 all he ev] told me1 b !re lay evid5tly mu* beh9d x4 8,too e>ne/60 he repeat$ ) contemptu\s indignation4 ,( 8 days at ,cambridge he 0 m communicative1 ?\gh1 un=tunately1 ,i kept no notes4 ,! eloqu5ce & e>ne/ness ( 8 spee*es at ! ,union1 :5 ,sir ,william ,h>c\rt 0 presid5t1 made1 accord+ to 8 own acc\nt1 a great /ir4 ,( ,dr4 7,bi%op7 ,lightfoot1 ( ,b5son1 aft]w>ds ,ar*bi%op1 he _h intimate memories1 col\r$ by w>m praise4 ,8 book on 8,engl&'s ,=eign ,policy0 7,b5tley1 #ahfi7 app>5tly ang]$ ,glad/one extremely1 & ,l\is's political c>e] 0 kill$4 ,he 0 call$ to ! b>4 ,( success1 ( important cases1 he told me no?+4 ,8 e>ly brilliance suff]$1 ,i ga!r$1 a /range eclipse1 & f ?+s he h9t$ at1 ,i surmis$--,i _c /ate x def9itely--t a p]iod 9 "s k9d ( maison de sant foll[$ ab\t ?is "t4 ,t he _h be51 !n or lat]1 9 an asylum = ! insane1 ,i he>d v\*$ = repeat$ly 9 ,london ye>s lat]4 ,= an int]val be=e ! breakd[n came1 he 0 editor1 or "p-editor1 ( ! ,spectator1 & 9 "s simil> connexion1 z own] or editor1 he s]v$ ! ,=tnightly too4 ,george ,eliot he knew well1 giv+ me vivid descriptions ( h] fam\s ,sundays1 & ( 8 talks ) ,george ,h5ry ,lewes & ,h]b]t ,sp5c]4 ,he claim$ to be ! orig9al ( ,daniel ,d]onda4 ,he 0 a pupil ( ,/]ndale ,b5nett's on ! piano4 ,( 8 fri5d%ip ) ,c>d9al ,mann+ he _h also mu* to tell4 ,x 0 9 ! doma9 ( politics t ,i fir/ began to notice ! exagg]ation & incoh]5ce ( 8 m9d1 & x 0 89 politics10 evid5tly1 t ! deep w\nds :i* w\ld n heal _h be5 receiv$4 ,9 music1 poetry1 lit]ature1 above all 9 law1 8 intellig5ce _h rema9$ cle> & s\nd1 8 judgm5ts consummate1 8 k encyclopdic4 ,l>ge tracts ( memory 9 him 71 app>5tly1 oblit]at$1 :ole /ret*es ( life subm]g$1 b 8 legal atta9m5ts _h rema9$ unt\*$4 ,a bus9ess fri5d ( m9e 8brief$0 him to lecture on ,int]national1 ,company & ,pat5t ,law2 & ! sub/ance ( ^? 8,lectures0 /ood ! te/1 ye>s lat]1 ( ! highe/ ,engli% & ,fr5* ,c\rts4 ,! lonely old man's k+dom 0 8 m9d1 & he dwelt 9 x alo(1 secure1 cont5t$1 unassailable4 ,into ! big empty /ret*es a half education _h left 9 my own1 he p\r$ 8 ri*es ) un/9t$ satisfaction1 ev5 ) delight4 ,worldly advice he nev] pr(f]$2 ! _w _h left him aside1 he1 9 8 turn1 left ! _w aside4 ,to practical que/ions he m]ely %ook 8 ,moses-head3 8,t10 he w\ld say1 8y mu/ decide = y\rself4 ,consid]$ 9 relation to ! ,et]nities1 x is ( little mom5t 9 any case40 ,to any "q1 h[ev]1 ( a philosophical k9d1 to any enquiry = explanation ab\t :at p]plex$ or int]e/$ me 9 ! realm ( ?\ght1 he w\ld reply ) :at ,i c only call a lecture1 b a lecture s lucid1 s pack$ ) k & le>n+1 ) classical comm5t & quotation1 (t5 ) passages ( mov+ eloqu5ce1 & inv>iably 9 language s consid]$ t no s+le ^w c\ld h be5 alt]$1 & ! 8essay0 might h be5 publi%$ z x /ood--lectures1 9 a ^w1 t en?rall$ & held me spellb\nd = h\rs at a "t4 ,= 8 k 0 n k m]ely1 x 0 k transmut$ by emotion into t spiritual wisdom call$ ,und]/&+4 ,! respect he inspir$ me ) 0 su* t r>ely did ,i v5ture ^u a p]sonal "q1 ?\gh ,i long$ to "k m ab\t himself & 8 my/]i\s /ory4 ,8 face sometimes betray$ int5se m5tal suff]+4 ,on "o occasion1 feel+ brav]1 ow+ to a happy mood t seem$ e/abli%$ naturally betwe5 u1 ,i attempt$ r an intimate "q ( "s k9d ab\t 8 pa/4 ,he turn$ & />$ ) an expression t />tl$ me4 ,x 0 s ke51 s se>*+4 ,= sev]al m9utes he made no reply4 ,8 eyes n>r[$4 ,i felt a%am$4 ,i _h w\nd$ him4 ,! tru? 01 x seems1 ,i _h t\*$ 8 he>t4 8,li/510 he said pres5tly4 ,9 a voice full ( te>s & deep emotion1 a v quiet1 a v beautiful voice1 he repli$ to my "q4 ,! expression ( 8 eyes turn$ inw>ds1 !re rose 9 memory ! gho/ly figure ( someone he _h lov$1 p]haps lov$ /ill4 ,! :ole aspect ( ! old exil$ poet became *>g$ ) an intol]able sadness1 z he spoke ! l9es1 n to myself1 b to ?is vani%$ figure--8,%ad[$ by ye>n+ memory's rav5 w+03 ,,h]eaft] ,?\ "k'/ n1 sweet1 :at mu/ rema9 unkn[n ,?r\gh all t my poor words c say or s+1 ,! measure ( ! love to !e ,i br+4 ,"o day ?\ wilt1 :51 by a grav5 /one ,t be>s a "n1 ?\ /&e/1 :ite1 alone1 ,%ad[$ by ye>n+ memory's rav5 w+1 ,ra9$ on by blossoms ( "s w9d-torn spr+ ,:]efrom ?ir/-qu5*+ fruit %all ne'er be gr[n4 ,!n--p[] %all re/ ^u ! vani%$ h& ,once too mu* trembl+ to ?y t\* = p[]2 ,!n--%all my s\l at la/ ?y s\l comm& ,z x might n 9 ,"t's brief fitful h\r2 ,& :at ,life's fires might nei!r melt nor burn ,%all yield ) te>s to a%es & ! urn4 ,i _h my answ]4 ,nev] aga9 did ,i v5ture on a p]sonal "q4 ,all our talks came r\nd to poetry 9 ! end4 ,x 0 8 deepe/ love z well4 ,s\nd lawy] he may h be51 b inspir$ poet1 to me at lea/1 he c]ta9ly 04 ,8 own poems he sev]ely deprecat$1 call+ !m1 ) ! exception ( ! 8,night ,song10 8poor ?+s1 ?\gh f my he>t40 ,8 room1 x seems1 0 litt]$ ) !m 9 manuscript1 :i* he r>ely tri$1 & nev] wi%$1 to sell4 ,"s "t lat] ,mr4 ,ald51 ,editor ( ,h>p]'s ,magaz9e1 que/ion$ me = in=mation 8ab\t a wond]ful old g5tleman :o comes into ! (fice l an emp]or1 & (f]s me a poem z ?\gh he 7 p>t+ pa9fully ) a treasure he h>dly d>$ let out ( 8 keep+1 & c]ta9ly does n wi% to sell = ca%40 ,to all1 ?us1 he 0 a my/]y4 ,if he 0 unc>$ =1 he 0 at ! same "t indiff]5t to human c>e4 ,great intellect1 great m9d1 great he>t1 he seem$ to me1 a wrai? p]haps1 b an augu/1 a giant wrai?1 drap$ by my/]i\s %ad[s1 dwell+ 9 a mis]able slum1 cut (f f 8 k9d amid ! dim pomp & pageantry ( maje/ic memories4 ,x 0 ?us1 at any rate1 ) ! p>donable exagg]ation ( ignorant tw5ty-five1 ,i saw & knew ! ,old ,man ( ,visions4 ,x 0 8 deep he>t ( poetry1 r ?an 8 f9e intellect ,i wor%ipp$4 ,! "u-m9d 9 him1 ! subconsci\s region1 ,i ?9k1 0 :ole & heal$2 x 0 ! upp]-m9d1 ! surface consci\sness1 t alone 0 damag$4 ,if ?is m9d 0 wreck$1 ?is bra9 p>tly 9 ru9s1 ! s\l 9 him pe]$ =? above ! brok5 t[]s1 rema9+ spl5didly aw>e4 ,n ev5 ! imp]fect in/rum5t ?r\gh :i* x work$ c\ld prev5t ?is f9e expression3 beh9d ! disproportion ( v>i\s delusions1 beh9d ! out] tumbl$ ru9s1 !re dwelt unaffect$ 9 him t great] ?+ ?an any intellect--,und]/&+4 ,,*apt] ,,xxxi ,x 0 ) a s+ul> "y man1 :o claim$ pr\dly to be ! illegitimate son ( a c]ta9 duke1 t ,i f\nd myself pres5tly 9 ! eau de ,cologne bus9ess4 ,a long difficult w9t] _h pass$2 all my fri5ds _h disappe>$2 !re _h be5 p]iods ( dri$ apples aga91 ( pos+ 9 /udios1 ( v>i\s odd jobs1 & ( half-/>v+1 ) black weeks 9 pl5ty4 ,i _h mov$ into yet *eap] qu>t]s1 :]e ,i occupi$ a room t _h be5 =m]ly a butl]'s pantry1 & 0 s small t :5 ! fold+-b$ 0 d[n ! entire space f wall to wall 0 occupi$4 ,! wa%-h& /& 0 a s9k 9 a recess let into ! wall & suppli$ ) a tap4 ,:5 ,mr4 ,l\is visit$ me1 z he did frequ5tly1 we l[]$ ! b$ & us$ x z a divan4 ,! door c\ld n op5 !n4 ,i made tea 9 ! s9k4 ,we talk$4444 ,if ,l\is's atmosph]e sugge/$ *oirs & places :]e !y s+1 t ( ,brodie1 z ,i may call him "h1 0 associat$ ) b>s & places :]e !y dr9k4 ,n t he drank himself1 = he 0 mo/ ab/emi\s1 b t 9 c]ta9 sup]ior saloons1 all ( !m f> above my means1 he 0 usually to be f\nd4 ,a simple1 yet complex1 g5]\s z well z mean creature1 ) all ! cann9ess ( ! ,scot1 ) 8 uncann9ess z well1 8 education _h be5 neglect$1 he read ) difficulty1 & only wrote well en\gh to sign 8 "n labori\sly to a *eque4 ,he1 too1 l ,l\is1 _h 8 my/]y2 !re 0 no "o1 inde$1 9 my circle ( ^? days ^: antec$5ts w\ld be> too close a scrut9y4 ,i 0 fir/ introduc$ to him by a burly ,sw$e1 ) h&s l beef-/eaks1 & ! %\ld]s ( a heavy-weight fight]1 :o 0 lat] arre/$ & s5t to gaol = pick+ pockets4 ,8 notoriety z a sneak-?ief none ( u _h guess$1 & h[ ^? bulky h&s c\ld h accompli%$ any?+ neat & clev] 0 a puzzle4 ,9 ! ,scotsman's pleasant qu>t]s1 some:at outl&i%ly furni%$ by himself on a top floor1 ! ,sw$e _h made himself at home too long4 ,brodie1 ! prey ( _m :o1 invit$ = a day or two1 /ay$ on = weeks1 0 glad to see 8 back4 ,8 weak good-nature1 refus+ to turn 8 gue/s out1 0 ! cause ( endless tr\bles ) m5 :o spong$ ^u 8 k9dness & 8 purse4 ,?is & 8 eau de ,cologne bus9ess1 8me beezness0 z he call$ x1 7 8 sole topics ( conv]sation4 ,he _h money to sp5d--0 x an all[ance8 ,we nev] knew--& 0 always well dress$2 _m a squ>e meal he /ood me2 !re 0 some?+ 9 8 s(t ,we/ ( ,scotl& voice t drew me to ?is odd fi% 9 ! 8p]fum]y l9e40 ,x rem9d$ me ( happi] days4 ,& ,i h describ$ 8 habits at "s l5g?1 because x 0 ow+ to a small s]vice ,i r5d]$ him1 & r5d]$ myself at ! same "t1 t ,i became a p>tn] 9 8me beezness0 ( manufactur+ & sell+ eau de ,cologne made f ! ,johann ,m>ia ,f>9a recipe4 ,brodie's social aspirations 7 v m>k$2 to he> him talk "o w\ld h ?\ght him heir to a duk$om2 he _h1 too1 a curi\s faculty = gett+ 8 "n associat$ ) p above him 9 ! social _w4 ,h[ he manag$ x 0 a problem ,i nev] solv$4 ,8 in/9ct = smell+ out & us+ su* folk 0 a gift f heav54 ,to see 8 "n 9 ! pap] gave him supreme happ9ess4 ,real 8,society0 ( c\rse1 ,w>d ,macalli/]'s ,f\r ,hundr$1 lay beyond ! rea* ( :at 0 actually a peasant type1 b !re 7 less select fields he work$ assidu\sly ) great success4 ,!re 0 matt] = a play1 a novel1 a "* /udy1 at any rate1 9 ,brodie1 :o himself1 ,i le>n$ mu* lat]1 _h come out to ,new ,york z valet to ,clyde ,fit*1 ! playwright1 & ^: recipe = ! 8g5u9e ,johann ,m>ia ,f>9a10 8 successful 8beezness10 0 /ol5 prop]ty4 ,my fa!r's son knew c]ta9ly que] b$fell[s 9 t und]world 9 ,new ,york ,city4 ,meet+ him 9 "o ( 8 usual haunts "o night1 he compla9$ bitt]ly ( a "y man he _h invit$ = a week1 b :o _h /ay$ a mon?1 & /ay$ on /ill4 ,! "n1 :i* ne$ n be m5tion$1 0 a well-kn[n "o4 ,x 0 a bad case ( imposition1 by a man1 too1 :o _h ample means ( 8 own4 ,i (f]$ to turn him out1 mu* to ,brodie's al>m4 ,t is1 he bo? desir$ ! result & fe>$ x4 ,next morn+ ,i arriv$ 9 ! oddly-furni%$ rooms & f\nd ,brodie cook+ breakfa/ = ! undesirable "y man :o _h impos$ on 8 ho/ too long1 & :o /ill lay 9 b$4 ,x 0 a comic sc5e1 no d\bt1 = ,brodie1 ?\gh fright5$1 bore out my accusations :ile he fri$ ! eggs1 & ! o!r blu/]$ noisily until he f\nd out t blu/] 0 ( no avail2 & !n1 ?reat5+ an action = assault1 got sudd5ly out ( b$ & dress$ himself4 ,half-an-h\r lat] he 01 bag & baggage1 9 ! /reet1 :ile ,i w5t d[n & sold ! 8/ory0 to ! ,new ,york ,j\rnal1 :o pr9t$ x next morn+ ) big headl9es1 b also ) a draw+ %[+ ! eviction sc5e4 ,no action = assault foll[$1 h[ev]2 ,i receiv$ tw5ty doll>s = my 8/ory02 & ,brodie1 full ( gratitude--8 "n 0 m5tion$ 9 flatt]+ t]ms--(f]$ to take me into p>tn]%ip 9 8me beezness40 ,i demurr$ at fir/4 8,y might help me ) ! correspond5ce10 he sugge/$ cauti\sly4 ,i 0 to be 8 educat$ p>tn] & 8 p54 ,all t spr+ & summ] ,i receiv$ t5 doll>s a week :i*1 9 addition to free-lance newspap] "w1 enabl$ me to live 9 comp>ative luxury4 ,9 a d>k little back-(fice on ,broadway & #h? ,/reet1 ! eau de ,cologne 0 made4 ,x might h be5 ! secret headqu>t]s ( an an>*i/ frat]nity1 or ! laboratory ( "s m$ival al*emi/1 su* 0 ! atmosph]e ( secrecy1 ( caution & ( my/]y4 ,x nev] occurr$ to me t any?+ 0 wrong4 ,our only assi/ant 0 a "y ,poli% girl nam$ ,paola1 a beautiful1 d>k-hair$ ,jewess4 ,! preci\s recipe ,i 0 nev] all[$ to see4 ,great flagons 9 wick] cov]+s /ood 9 r[s ^u long %elves2 ! mix+ ( ! +r$i5ts 0 a delicate op]ation la/+ an h\r2 ! room smelt ri* & sweet ( spices t made me ?9k ( ,araby & ! ,ea/4 ,x 0 a curi\s & picturesque sc5e--! r d>k5$ room1 ! p]fume-lad5 air1 ! hu% no traffic c\ld di/urb1 ! great1 my/]i\s flagons1 :i* might almo/ h conceal$ =ty ?ieves1 ! canny ,scot ( d\btful orig91 ! beautiful ,jewess1 ! air ( caution & suspicion t reign$ ov] all4 ,! fill+ ( ! bottles 9 two sizes1 affix+ ! labels1 flav\r+ ! soap--we made eau-de-,cologne soap too--answ]+ ! lett]s1 writ+ fl[]y adv]tisem5ts1 & s =?1 occupi$ ! entire day4 ,brodie1 a born salesman1 w\ld take a cab & visit ! big /ores ) samples--,macy's1 ,siegel & ,coop]1 & o!rs ^: names ,i h =gott54 ,he nev] came back )\t an ord]4 ,! bus9ess fl\ri%$4 ,i made no secret ( be+ 9 ! p]fum]y trade4 ,i _h mov$ into a l>g] room at my bo>d+-h\se4 ,i _h b\ght boots1 "s new l951 & mo/ ( my ?+s 7 out ( pawn4 ,!n1 pres5tly1 "h & !re1 ,i began to notice ?+s ,i did n l4 ,rum\rs rea*$ me4 ,h9ts 7 dropp$1 sometimes m ?an h9ts1 t made me wond] & look ov] my %\ld] a little4 ,no memb] ( my imm$iate circle at ?is "t 0 ( too sweet orig9 nor ( too /a9less habits1 yet f ^! came ! rum\rs & ! h9ts4 ,i _h bett] 8keep my eyes peel$10 & ! re/4446 ,"o man 9 p>ticul> :o w>n$ me 0 an eld]ly1 %rewd ,g]man1 fri5d ( ,brodie's1 & himself a my/]y4 ,8 occupation 0 unkn[n1 h[ev]1 ev5 to ,brodie2 he hid x c>efully away2 he l$ a d\ble life1 protect+ himself ) ! utmo/ skill & caution beh9d a scre5 ( detail none ( u ev] pi]c$4 8,von0 ,s*midt1 z he /yl$ himself1 0 educat$2 also he _h a he>t2 = once1 :5 ,i 0 9 a /ate ( collapse f hung]1 he br\ght oy/]s = me at great tr\ble to himself1 hav+ to g out on a ra9y night & br+ !m "s di/ance along ! /reet2 f :i* mom5t1 ?\gh ! unpleasant my/]y ab\t him intrigu$ & caution$ me1 ,i became 8 fri5d4 ,we talk$ ,g]man toge!r4 ,8 "o desire1 he confid$ to me1 0 to m>ry a ri* woman1 & once he clumsily propos$ to arrange a ri* m>riage = myself if ,i w\ld give him a--commission on results6 ,8 p]sonality is wor? ?is brief description1 p]haps1 s9ce x %$s light1 incid5tally1 ^u ! _w ,i liv$ 94 ,always mo/ c>efully dress$1 he occupi$ a s+le room 9 a well-appo9t$ h\se 9 ,ea/ #bbnd ,/reet1 talk+ airily ( a b$room on ! floor above1 ( a ba?room ,i 0 sure he nev] us$1 & compla9+ apologetically ( 8?is awful h\se ,i'm 9 = ! mom5t40 ,8 pose 0 t ( an ari/ocrat1 pr\d & resign$ among unt[>d circum/ances1 & x 0 ?r\gh no mi/ake ( 8 own t ?is humbug did n impose on me4 ,i j knew x 0 all bunkum4 ,8 actual bus9ess1 ,i felt sure1 0 unsav\ry1 ?\gh ,brodie1 hav+ once discov]$ artificial fl[]s 9 8 coat pocket1 ?\ght he 0 a floor-walk] 9 "s big /ore4 ,v>i\s suspici\s details confirm$ me lat] 9 ! belief t 8 real occupation 0 blackmail+4 ,9 8 s+le room1 at any rate1 :]e a piece ( furniture aga9/ ! wall cov]$ ) fram$ photographs ( ,g]man notabilities 0 9 reality a fold+-b$--,i nev] once1 s9ce ! oy/]s1 betray$ t ,i knew ?is--he liv$ 8l a g5tleman40 ,e night1 f n9e o'clock onw>ds1 he 0 8at home02 a box ( cig>s1 v>i\s liqueurs1 he (f]$ )\t fail1 & 8) an air0 if y please1 al?\gh ! =m] nev] held m ?an ?ree or f\r cig>s1 ! bottles nev] m ?an en\gh to fill two glasses1 because 8my s]vant1 conf\nd him1 has =gott5 aga9 to fill !m40 ,he _h no s]vant1 ( c\rse1 & ! m9imum ( repl5i%+ 0 done by himself e ev5+ be=e n9e o'clock4 8,!n y are a ,b>on really80 ,i said once1 ref]r+ to ! 8von0 be=e 8 "n4 ,he look$ at me ) ! disda9ful smile a pr9ce 9 difficulties might h worn3 8,9 ?is city ( snobs & sc\ndrels10 he said lightly1 8,i h dropp$ my title4 ,! #8von' alone ,i f9d m dignifi$40 ,he left ! h\se1 ,i f\nd1 e morn+ %>p at eight1 & ?is 0 9 fav\r ( ,brodie's !ory t he _h "s regul> job4 ,he 0 an exp]i5c$1 mu*-liv$ old bird1 a t\* ( some?+ s9i/] ab\t him always1 ab\t mo/ ( 8 fri5ds z well4 ,"s v disagreeable types ,i surpris$ m ?an once 9 8 well-furni%$ room4 ,he 8knew ! ropes10 knew m5 & wom5 too1 8 c\nsel 0 always s\nd 9 worldly matt]s4 ,a lack ( hum\r 0 8 *ief fail+1 x seem$ to me1 :ile 8 snobb]y 0 ano!r weakness t probably l$ _m ( 8 s*emes to failure4 ,e summ]1 = in/ance1 he w\ld g = two weeks to ,newport1 :]e ! rank & fa%ion w5t4 8,:5 ,i 0 at ,newport10 or 8,i am go+ to ,newport next week10 7 phrases 8 tongue lov$ to m\? & ta/e l f9e w9e4 ,b 8 brief days !re 7 sp5t actually 9 a *eap bo>d+-h\se1 al?\gh ! lett]s he wrote to all & sundry1 to myself includ$1 bore "o ^w only z address3 8,newport10 made f a die1 at ! head ( 8 col\r$ pap]4 ,x 0 von ,s*midt1 !n1 :o w>n$ me ab\t ,brodie & 8 eau-de-,cologne bus9ess3 8,he is a fool1 a peasant4 ,!re w be tr\ble !re4 ,d n id5tify y\rself ) him or 8 bus9ess4 ,x is n wor? :ile44440 ,& 8 mann] convey$ t he c\ld tell some?+ m def9ite if he lik$1 :i* ,i v]ily believe 0 ! case4 ,brodie1 ,i 0 conv9c$ lat]1 paid him tribute4 ,i began to feel uncom=table4 ,"o day ,i ask$ ,brodie1 po9t blank1 :at 8 recipe 0 & h[ he came by x8 8,t's me own beezness10 he repli$4 8,!re's no?+ to be nairv\s ab\t40 ,i consult$ 8old ,l\is40 8,if y feel ! fa9te/ d\bt10 0 8 answ]1 8y %\ld leave at once40 ,i decid$ to get out4 ,brodie ask$ me to wait ! curr5t mon?4 ,i agre$4 ,be=e ! end ( ! mon?1 h[ev]1 :5 ,i left ! eau-de-,cologne bus9ess1 a mo/ unpleasant & al>m+ incid5t occurr$4 ,! t]rible ?+1 long dread$ 9 a vague k9d ( way1 _h ov]tak5 me at la/4 ,i 0 to be convict$ ( a crime ,i _h n committ$4 ,i might ev5 be s5t to gaol4444 ,brodie's outl&i% furni%+ ( 8 rooms has be5 m5tion$ purposely2 !y 7 fill$ ) an assortm5t ( %[y tra% t c\ld n h deceiv$ a *>woman2 fifty doll>s w\ld h cov]$ ev]y?+4 ,he 0 pr\d ( 8 curta9s1 rugs & fak$ drap]ies1 h[ev]2 %[$ !m (f ) ! air ( a connoisseur2 h9t$ at _! great value4 ,he _h insur$ !m1 x always pleas$ him to m5tion4 ,! ,new ,york ,j\rnal1 describ+ ! eviction sc5e1 _h ref]r$ to 8 f9e ap>tm5t 8furni%$ ) exotic ta/e & reg>dless ( co/10 add+ ?is t\* ( col\r :i* 0 c]ta9ly n my own4 ,brodie1 ?us enc\rag$ 9 pr9t1 promptly took out ano!r fire policy 9 a second company4 ,& "o day1 :ile toy+ ) 8 flagons1 he m5tion$ casually t he 0 hav+ 8me place done up a bit10 new pa9t1 new pap] 7 to be put on1 &--might he br+ 8 clo!s to my room until ?is 0 f9i%$1 z 8 own cupbo>d space 0 limit$8 ,he br\ght ! suits himself1 c>ry+ !m "o by "o conceal$ inside a fold$ ov]coat ^u 8 arm4 ,he did ?is always aft] dusk4 ,no suspicion /irr$ 9 me4 ,my own cupbo>ds 71 ( c\rse1 empty4 ,brodie's f9e w>drobe n[ fill$ !m4 ,x all seem$ natural en\gh2 c]ta9ly x r\s$ no d\bt or qu]y 9 me2 nei!r did ! p>ty to :i* ,i 0 invit$ a few days lat]1 :i* includ$ a 8di/+ui%$0 memb]1 ( c\rse1 a fam\s dress-design] f ,europe1 ) ^: publicity campaign 9 ! ,press1 ,brodie _h contriv$ to get 8 "n associat$4 ,we 7 a p>ty ( five m51 & we met at our ho/'s rooms be=e go+ out to d9e1 ! rooms t _h j be5 done up2 & att5tion1 ,i recall1 0 drawn p>ticul>ly to ! beauty1 r>ity & value ( 8 v>iegat$ tra%4 ,! electric light 0 %ad$1 a big coal fire burn$ 9 ! grate1 at a cursory glance ! ap>tm5t might possibly h produc$ a fav\rable impression ( exp5se & ri*ness4 ,b our ho/ did n all[ u to l+]2 !re 0 a hurri$ cocktail1 & we 7 gone4 ,i rememb] t ,i 0 la/ b "o 9 ! procession d[n ! /airs f ?is top floor2 ,brodie1 :o _h held ! door op5 = u to pass1 came la/4 ,also ,i rememb]$ lat]1 t z we rea*$ ! next flight1 he said he _h =gott5 some?+1 & da%$ up/airs aga9 to fet* x4 ,a mom5t lat] he rejo9$ u 9 ! /reet1 & we all w5t on to d9n]4 8,x 0 a k9d ( h\se-w>m+ p>ty10 he expla9$4 ,! ev5+ pass$ pleasantly4 ,we w5t on to ,ko/] & ,biel's music hall1 & aft] t1 to supp] 9 "s ,t5d]lo9 jo9t or o!r4 ,& x 0 "h ,i fir/ notic$ a *ange 9 our ho/4 ,some?+ ab\t him 0 diff]5t4 ,8 behavi\r 0 n :at 0 normal to him4 ,8 face 0 pale1 8 mann] n]v\s & excit$2 ?\gh !re 0 no dr9k 9 him to acc\nt = x1 he 0 ov]wr\ght1 unusually voluble1 unable to keep /ill = a s+le mom5t4 ,i _h nev] se5 him l ?is be=e1 & ! /rang5ess ( 8 behavi\r arre/$ me4 ,once or twice1 propos ( no?+1 he ref]r$ to ! money he _h sp5t on 8 ap>tm5t2 & m ?an once 9 asides to me1 he spoke ( ! value ( 8 rugs & curta9s1 engag+ my endorsem5t1 z x 74 ,! o!r m51 :o knew him less intimately1 probably notic$ no?+1 or1 if !y did1 attribut$ x to ! excitem5t ( alcohol4444 ,b x made me m & m uneasy4 ,i didn't l x2 ,i wat*$ him att5tively4 ,i came to ! /range conclusion1 long be=e ! ev5+ 0 ov]1 t he 0 fright5$4 ,& :5 he met sugge/ions t x 0 "t = b$ ) ob/9ate refusals1 anxi\s & n]v\s at ! same "t1 ,i knew t he 0 m ?an fright5$1 he 0 t]rifi$4 ,once :5 ,i ask$ him :e!r he felt unwell1 !re 0 />tl$ t]ror 9 8 cunn+ eyes z he :isp]$3 8,i dream$ ( rats la/ night4 ,some?+ bad w be com+40 ,8 face 0 :ite z *alk4 ,to dream ( rats1 ) him1 always meant an enemy 9 ! (f+2 a doz5 times he _h giv5 me in/ances ( ?is /range sup]/ition2 to dream ( an acqua9tance 9 connexion ) ^! unpleasant rod5ts meant t ?is p>ticul> acqua9tance 0 false1 an enemy1 someone :o meant him h>m4 ,i1 !re=e1 und]/ood ! allusion 9 8 m9d1 b ?is "t1 = "s reason1 ,i did n believe x4 ,he 0 ly+4 ,! t]ror ( a guilty consci5ce 0 9 ^? />tl$ eyes & 9 t %eet-:ite sk94 ,i felt /ill m uneasy4 ,i 0 glad ,i _h put my resignation f ! 8beezness0 9 writ+4 ,!re 0 tr\ble com+ 9 connexion ) t recipe1 & ,brodie already knew x4 ,x 0 aft] two 9 ! morn+ :5 we rea*$ home4 ,my rooms 7 a c\ple ( /reets be=e 8 own1 b he begg$ me to see him to 8 door4 ,8 n]v\s /ate _h gr[n1 mean:ile1 worse & worse2 8 legs fail$ him sev]al times1 seem+ to s9k "u 8 weight2 he took my arm2 m ?an once he reel$4 ,!re 0 some?+ ab\t x all1 ab\t himself p>ticul>ly1 t made my sk9 crawl4 ,! awful feel+ t ,i1 too1 0 to be involv$ increas$ 9 me4 ,z we turn$ out ( ,f\r? ,av5ue into 8 /reet1 a l\d noise met u3 a prolong$1 ho>se s\nd1 a clank ( ma*9]y 9 x some:]e1 ano!r s\nd z well t puls$ & ?robb$4 ,a d5se cr[d block$ ! way4 ,!re 0 smoke4 ,a fire eng9e 0 pump+ wat] into a burn+ build+--! "o t ,brodie liv$ 94 ,^! details ,i notic$ 9 ! fir/ few seconds1 b ev5 be=e ,i _h regi/]$ !m ,brodie utt]$ a que] cry & half-collaps$ aga9/ me4 ,he 0 spee*less ) t]ror1 & at fir/ some?+ ( 8 t]ror he communicat$ to me1 too4 ,my he>t sank into my boots4 ,! 8rats0 ,i und]/ood in/antly1 _h no?+ to d ) 8 eau de ,cologne recipe4 ,?is 0 a f> m s]i\s matt]4 ,fires 7 no new ?+ to me1 & ?is evid5tly 0 only a small "o1 b1 none ! less1 p might h be5 burn$ to dea?4 ,tell+ my companion to wait = me1 & to keep 8 m\? %ut :atev] happ5$1 ,i produc$ "s pap] & pu%$ my way ?r\gh ! cr[d to ! police cordon1 say+ ,i 0 f ! ,ev5+ ,sun4 ,?\gh ,i _h no fire-badge1 ! bluff work$4 ,i ran up ! /eps ( ! famili> h\se4 8,:i* floor is x8 ,h[ did x />t8 ,is x insur$8 ,is anybody burn$80 ,i ask$ a fireman4 ,! answ] came & ,i jott$ x d[n2 x 0 ! top floor1 h[ x />t$ 0 unkn[n1 nobody 0 hurt--x 0 heavily insur$4 ,x _h be5 burn+ = f\r h\rs1 ! wor/ 0 ov]1 ! fire 0 out2 only /eam & smoke n[ fill$ ! /aircase & corridors4 ,! /reet 0 cov]$ ) a litt] ( ru9$ furniture4 ,! occupants ( ! l[] floors /ood ab\t 9 v>i\s attire2 ,i caught unpleasant rem>ks z ,i da%$ up/airs to ,brodie's floor4 ,hoses1 ,i f\nd1 7 /ill at "w2 ! room we _h left six h\rs be=e 0 gutt$2 a gap+ hole p]mitt$ a view ( ! room on ! floor bel[1 & ?is hole began imm$iately 9 front ( ! grate4 ,a black woolly mat ) long hair1 ,i rememb]$1 _h la9 on ! floor j !re4 ,! unpleasant rem>ks1 z ,i ran up1 _h ref]5ce to insurance2 phrases su* z 8ov]-insur$10 8too well insur$0 7 audible4 ,!y 7 ! usual phrases utt]$ at ! sc5e ( a ,new ,york fire1 :]e arson 0 z common z pick+ pockets2 ,i _h he>d !m a hundr$ times2 !y _h furni%$ clues = my newspap] /ories4 ,on ?is occasion !y held a new significance4 ,brodie %>$ my fold+-b$ t night1 b he did n sleep4 ,he cri$ a good deal4 ,he said v little4 ,he ref]r$ nei!r to ! loss ( 8 /uff1 nor to ! fact ( its be+ cov]$ by insurance1 nor to h[ & :y ! fire />t$4 ,he 0 fright5$ to ! bone4 ,next day1 :5 we visit$ ! burn$ ap>tm5t to secure :at fire & wat] _h sp>$1 ,brodie 0 abus$ & sc>ifi$ by ! inmates z he w5t up/airs4444 ,weeks ( ke5 anxiety foll[$1 ( worse ?an anxiety4 ,! insurance companies refus$ to pay ! claims1 :i* ,brodie1 aft] mu* hesitation1 _h s5t 94 ,!y decid$ to fight !m4 ,! lawy]--a s*ei/]1 mean+ a l[1 unpr9cipl$ type ( attorney :o w\ld take any case = ! money x might conta9--bl$ my fri5d effectively by prey+ on 8 obvi\s fe>4 ,he 0 summon$ to give witness be=e a he>+ 9 ! (fices ( ! company1 & ,i %all nev] =get 8 face :5 he met me t night ) ! significant words3 8,!y "k ev]y?+ ab\t me1 ev]y?+ ab\t y too4 ,!y ev5 "k t ,i took all my clo!s to y\r room be=e x happ5$4 ,!y are go+ to summon y to give evid5ce too40 ,i consult$ ) 8old ,l\is10 tell+ him ! full /ory1 b mak+ no accusations4 8,few p are wor?y to live )10 0 8 comm5t1 8few] /ill to %>e "o's confid5ce4 ,y mu/ tell ! tru? z y "k x4 ,y h no?+ to fe>40 ,i 0 se>*+ly exam9$ by ! company's lawy] & my evid5ce made1 ,i saw1 a good impression4 ,no awkw>d lead+ que/ions 7 put4 ,brodie _h be5 k9d to me2 ,i knew no?+ def9ite aga9/ him2 9 8 ignorance1 :i* ,i describ$1 he might well h ?\ght 8 possessions 7 ( value4 ,x _h no?+ to d ) me1 at any rate1 & !re 0 a p]fectly good explanation = 8 clo!s be+ 9 my cupbo>d4 ,none ! less1 x 0 a try+ ordeal4 ,worse1 h[ev]1 0 to foll[4 ,! fire m>%al1 rec5tly appo9t$1 a prov]bial new broom1 0 out to put d[n ! f> too frequ5t arson 9 ! city4 ,fire ,m>%al ,mit*ell--,i see 8 face be=e me /ill--int5d$ to prosecute4 ,?is 0 a bomb%ell4 ,my imag9ative temp]am5t !n became1 inde$1 my curse4 ,wait+ = ! summons 0 l wait+ = ! v]dict ( a ho/ile jury4 ,i wait$ _m days1 hope alt]nat+ ) fe>4 ,i felt sure ,i 0 be+ wat*$ ! :ole "t4 ,brodie & ,i nev] met once4 ,i *ang$ my room ab\t ?is "t1 ?\gh = reasons entirely disconnect$ ) ?is unpleasant bus9ess 7,i _h obta9$ a viol9 pupil 9 ano!r h\se71 & ,i wrote to ! fire m>%al in=m+ him ( my new address1 9 case1 z ,i und]/ood 0 probable1 he might want my evid5ce4 ,b :at really al>m$ me mo/ 0 my inside k ( ,new ,york ju/ice4 ,i _h se5 too _m innoc5t m5 s5t up2 ,i _h he>d fak$ evid5ce 9 too _m police cases2 ,i knew t1 )\t a 8pull10 ,i /ood b little *ance ( escap+ a conviction z an accessory to :at !y w\ld call a wanton case ( arson4 ,i 0 n ev5 on ! /aff ( a newspap] at ! "t4 ,i _h no influ5ce ( any sort beh9d me4 ,nor 7 my means ( support too 8visible10 a ,briti%]1 a highly-connect$ ,briti%] into ! b>ga91 x 0 j :at ! new-broom fire m>%al 0 look+ =4 ,x w\ld make a big case = ! ,press4 ,! agony ( m9d ,i endur$ 0 gha/ly1 & ! sl[ delay ( long wait+ int5sifi$ x4444 ,"o ev5+1 on com+ home ab\t dusk1 ,i saw a /range man 9 ! little hall-way ( my h\se4 ,he ask$ me my "n4 ,i told him4 ,he h&$ me a blue pap] & w5t out4 ,x 0 ! long-expect$ subpna f ! fire m>%al4 ,i 0 summon$ to att5d at eight o'clock two morn+s lat] 9 8 (fice4 ,my emotions t night & ! next day 7 new exp]i5ces to me2 ,i he>d ! judge s5t5ce me1 saw myself 9 prison = a t]m ( ye>s ) h>d lab\r4 ,i began to feel guilty4 ,i knew ,i %\ld say ! wrong ?+ to ! fire m>%al4 ,i %\ld convict myself4 ,! tru? 0 ! tru?1 b ev]y?+ po9t$ aga9/ me2 ,i knew ,brodie z a fri5d1 ,i 0 8 bus9ess associate1 0 frequ5tly 9 8 rooms1 _h accept$ k9dnesses f him1 ,i ne$$ money badly1 ,i _h hidd5 8 good clo!s 9 my cupbo>ds a few days be=e ! fire4 ,i _h be5 ) him on t p>ticul> night1 ,i _h left ! room ) him--la/ ( ! p>ty4 ,i %\ld be look$ ^u z guilty1 x 0 = me to cle> myself4 ,prejudice aga9/ me1 too1 z an ,engli%man w\ld be /rong4 ,! ,boyde episode w\ld be reviv$1 & twi/$ to %[ t ,i consort$ ) law-break]s4 ,i %\ld /amm] & hesitate & appe> to be hid+ ! tru?1 to be ly+1 & ,i %\ld mo/ c]ta9ly look guilty4 ,! ?+ ,i dread$ _h come ^u me4 ,i ?\ght ( my home & family4 ,x all made me realize ) a fre% %>pness ! k9d ( _w pov]ty _h dragg$ me d[n to1 ) ! contra/ betwe5 :at ,i _h be5 born to & :at ,i n[ liv$ 94444 ,i ne$$ e scrap ( /r5g? & com=t my books c\ld give me4 ,t ,i 0 exagg]at+ l a s*oolboy nev] occurr$ to me4 ,i suff]$ ! tortures ( ! damn$1 ( ! already condemn$1 at any rate4 ,t ,i 0 innoc5t ( wrong-do+ 01 = "s reason1 no consolation3 ,i _h got myself into an awful mess & %\ld h to pay ! price4 ,! wilde/ ideas fill$ my bra92 ,i w\ld call & enli/ ! influ5ce ( ,mc,cloy1 ( v>i\s (ficials1 ( headqu>t]s detectives1 ( ,d4 ,l4 ,moody ! ,revivali/1 :o 0 !n prea*+ 9 ,new ,york & :o _h be5 a gue/ 9 my fa!r's h\se1 ( ! ,ex*ange ,place bank]1 ev5 ( von ,s*midt1 ?\gh fe> ( blackmail /opp$ me "h4 ,b reflection told me h[ useless su* a proce$+ w\ld be4 ,! ,republicans1 besides1 7 9 p[] at ! "t1 & ,tammany _h no 8pull40 ,i ev5 ?\ght ( ,roosevelt1 :om1 z ,presid5t ( ! ,police ,bo>d1 ,i _h (t5 int]view$4 ,! fire m>%al w\ld rejoice 9 ! case1 ( c\rse1 =1 z ) ! ,boyde /ory1 ! newspap]s w\ld pr9t x at great l5g?4 ,!re lay mu* kudos = him 9 x4 ,i _h no sleep t night1 z ,i _h no fri5d or c\nsellor ei!r4 ,i ?\ght ( sp5d+ x 9 ,bronx ,p>k ) ! trees1 b x occurr$ to me t1 if ,i 7 be+ wat*$1 ! act might be int]pret$ z an attempt to escape--= :at w\ld a ,new ,york fire m>%al make ( my love ( nature8 ,! foll[+ day1 z ! dread$ exam9ation grew clos]1 0 a day ( acute mis]y--until ! late aft]noon1 :5 ,i met by *ance ! man :o sav$ me4 ,i %all always believe1 at lea/1 t 8sav$0 is ! "r ^w to use4 ,a co9cid5ce1 z s+ul> z ! co9cid5ce ( cat*+ ,boyde1 0 involv$4 ,fate1 anyh[1 br\ght me across ! pa? ( ,mull9s1 ! "o man :o c\ld help1 j at ! "t & place1 too1 :]e t help c\ld be mo/ effectively giv54 ,! ^w co9cid5ce1 !re=e1 seems ju/ifi$4 ,mull9s1 ! ,iri%man1 0 an editorial writ] on ! ,ev5+ ,sun :5 ,i 0 a report] !re2 he dislik$ ! pap] z he>tily z ,i did1 & 8 ambition 0 to jo9 ! /aff ( ! ,new ,york ,times1 :]e ,muldoon1 ano!r ,iri%man1 a boon companion1 0 ,city ,editor4 ,he _h prov$ a real fri5d to me 9 my days ( gross inexp]i5ce4 8,if ev] ,i get on ! ,times10 he us$ to say1 8,i'll try & get a place = y1 too4 ,x's a f9e1 clean pap]1 & !y treat a man dec5tly40 ,he _h realiz$ 8 ambition j ab\t ! "t ,i w5t into ! eau-de-,cologne bus9ess1 b _h said !re 0 no vacancy = me4 ,!re might be "o lat]4 ,he w\ld let me "k4 ,= mon?s1 h[ev]1 we _h n met1 & ! matt] _h really left my m9d4 ,& x 0 n[1 :5 ,i 0 ca/+ ab\t 9 a /ate ( semi-panic = someone :o might help me1 t ,i sudd5ly ?\ght ( ,mull9s4 ,z a la/ hope1 r1 ,i ?\ght ( him1 = x seem$ a v (f-*ance inde$4 ,= v>i\s reasons ,i did n act ^u ! idea1 b ,mull9s 0 9 my m9d1 s mu*1 s p]si/5tly1 s (t51 t ,i kept see+ him 9 pass]s-by4 ,i mi/ook sev]al /rang]s = ,mull9s1 until close en\gh to see my mi/ake4 ,!n1 sudd5ly1 9 ,union ,squ>e1 t[>ds ev5+1 ,i did see him4 ,i 0 sitt+ on a b5*4 ,he walk$ pa/ me4 ,he 0 on 8 way to an assignm5t4 ,i told him ! :ole /ory1 mak+ no accusations1 b omitt+ no vital detail4 ,he li/5$ att5tively1 8 face v grave4 ,he %>$ my own misgiv+s4 8,x's j ! k9d ( case ,mit*ell's look+ =10 he said4 8,he wants to make a spla% ) x4 ,b ,i ?9k ,i c fix x = y4 ,guess :at my assignm5t is at ?is mom5t80 ,& !n he told me4 ,8 job t ev5+ 0 a special int]view ) ,mit*ell1 a descriptive /ory ( ! newly-appo9t$ fire m>%al1 8 p]sonality & "*1 8 plans = suppress+ arson1 & x 0 to be a front-page article4 ,mull9s c\ld make him or m> him2 he _h a free h& 9 ! matt]2 ! ,times 0 a ,republican organ4 ,x w\ld mean a great deal to ,mit*ell4 8,he comes f my "p ( ,irel&10 said ,mull9s ) a gr9 & a w9k4 ,& !n he add$ t he _h spok5 to ,muldoon ab\t me only ! day be=e1 & t ,muldoon _h promis$ me a place on ! pap] ! mom5t x 0 possible--9 a few weeks probably4 8,i %all j m5tion to ,mit*ell t y're go+ on ! ,times10 0 8 significant p>t+ ^w to me1 z he hurri$ (f to keep 8 appo9tm5t4 ,my exam9ation next morn+ 0 robb$ ( mu* ( its t]ror4 ,! fire m>%al 0 evid5tly n q sure ( himself1 =1 if mann]1 voice & que/ions 7 sev]e1 ,i detect$ an attitude t sugge/$ wav]+4 ,a %or?& writ] beh9d me took d[n e ^w ,i utt]$1 & ! se>*+ exam9ation ab\t ! clo!s1 my social & bus9ess relations ) ,brodie1 my k1 if any1 conc]n+ ! value ( 8 rugs & curta9s1 especially conc]n+ ! night ( ! fire & ! details ( h[ we left ! room1 gave me mom5ts ( acute discom=t4 ,al?\gh ,mit*ell r>ely once look$ /raight at me1 ,i knew he 0 obs]v+ my e ^w & ge/ure1 ! slighte/ *ange 9 facial expression1 too4 ,he conf9$ himself entirely to que/ions1 all[+ no h9t ( 8 own op9ion to escape him1 & yet1 to my v /rung-up att5tion1 he betray$ ! unc]ta9ty already m5tion$4 ,i1 ( c\rse1 conf9$ myself entirely to answ]s1 brief1 b )\t hesitation4 ,my in/9ct1 "r or wrong1 0 to protect ,brodie1 a man :o _h %[n me real k9dness4 ,i rememb]$ ! meals1 = "o ?+4 ,9 any case1 x 0 n = me to express op9ions1 mu* less to br+ an accusation4 ,&1 t[>ds ! end ( a gruell+ half-h\r1 ,i began to feel a %ade m com=table4 ,:51 ) a slightly diff]5t mann]1 ! fire m>%al began to ask p]sonal que/ions ab\t my own c>e]1 ,i felt ! day 0 almo/ won4 ,i gave a quick outl9e ( my rec5t hi/ory1 ?\gh ,i nev] once m5tion$ ! "n ( ,mull9s2 let fall ! detail1 too1 t ,i 0 an ,iri%man1 &1 a little lat]1 seiz+ an op5+ ) an audacity t surpris$ myself ev5 :ile ,i said ! words1 ,i congratulat$ ,mr4 ,mit*ell ^u 8 campaign to cru% out ! f> too frequ5t arson 9 ! city4 8,z a newspap] man10 ,i gave ?is bless+1 & ! %ot1 ,i in/antly saw1 w5t home4 ,if ,i c\ld be ( any use to him on ! ,times1 if any suspici\s case came my way1 ,i add$ t ,i %\ld always be glad to s]ve him4 ,= ! fir/ "t ! fire m>%al smil$4 ,i %ot 9 a swift la/ /roke = ,brodie1 ?\gh an indirect "o4 8,b y don't want any misfires10 ,i v5tur$1 inw>dly delight$ t ! play on ! ^w amus$ him4 8,a big case t fail$ ( a conviction w\ld be damag+40 ,we %ook h&s z ,i left soon aft]1 ?\gh ! f9al com=t he d5i$ me4 ,= :5 ,i m5tion$ t my pres5t address w\ld always f9d me 8if y ne$ me aga910 he m]ely b[$ & ?ank$ me4 ,he did n say1 z ,i hop$ he w\ld1 8y\r pres5ce w n be requir$ any m40 ,,*apt] ,,xxxii ,six weeks lat]1 :5 ! torrid summ] heat 0 wan+ & ,septemb] breezes _h begun to cool ! /reets1 ! nights1 at any rate1 ,i f\nd myself a report] on ! /aff ( ! ,new ,york ,times4 ,my sal>y ( #ce a week seem$ incr$ible4 ,x 0 l com+ into a =tune1 & its fir/ effect 0 to make a mis] ( me4 ,i _h le>n$ ! value ( ! s+le c5t2 ,i f\nd myself fe>ful ( sp5d+ ev5 t c5t4 ,i und]/ood :y p :o pass sudd5ly f want to afflu5ce become /+y1 compla9+ always ( be+ h>d-up4 ,i det]m9$ to save4 ,i op5$ an acc\nt 9 a ,sav+s ,bank aga9/ ano!r ra9y day4 ,?is trait1 acquir$ 9 my unhappy ,new ,york p]iod1 rema9s 9 me /ill1 ,i notice4 ,nev] h ,i kn[n f t "t to ?is :at x means to be com=tably (f1 free f f9ancial anxiety = m ?an a mon? or two ahead1 yet ea* "t an extra bit ( money comes 91 ,i am aw>e ( ! in/9ct to be extremely1 unnecess>ily c>eful ( ea* p5ny4 ,! less ,i h1 ! m reckless ,i feel ab\t sp5d+ x1 & vice v]sa4 ,^? six weeks1 h[ev]1 be=e ,muldoon s5t = me1 prov$ ! mo/ pa9ful & unhappy ( all my ,new ,york days4 ,!re 0 some?+ desp]ate ab\t !m2 ,i rea*$ bottom4 ,x 0 ! d>ke/ p]iod be=e ! dawn1 ?\gh ,i _h no c]ta9ty t ! dawn 0 break+4 ,my income f ! eau de ,cologne bus9ess 0 end$1 my free-lance "w /ruck a bad /reak1 ! arti/s 7 /ill out ( t[n1 ! /udios consequ5tly empty2 my viol9 pupil _h gone to ,bo/on4 ,x 0 dur+ ?is ,augu/ t ,i slept 9 ,c5tral ,p>k1 & pass$ ! night--= !re 0 n mu* sleep ab\t x--b5ea? ! ,bronx ,p>k trees z well1 ?\gh ,i _h to walk all ! long we>y way to get !re4 ,x 01 also1 p> excell5ce1 ! height ( ! dri$-apple season4 ,) ! exception ( ,old ,l\is1 occasionally ,mull9s too1 ,i _h no companion%ip4 ,brodie1 :o by ! way receiv$ no money f ! insurance companies1 b equally1 escap$ a worse disa/]1 ,i nev] saw aga94 ,! po/ on ! ,times1 mean:ile1 seem$ f> away1 highly problematical too4 ,my com=ts 7 ,bronx ,p>k1 occasionally op5-air music1 ,l\is1 & my own dreams1 speculations &1 *ief ( all1 ! ,bhagavad ,gita4444 ,h\rs ,i sp5t 9 ! free libr>ies4 ,nev]1 be=e or s9ce1 did ,i read s _m books 9 s %ort a "t4 ,?is free read+1 ( c\rse1 nev] /opp$ = a mom5t all ! ye>s ,i liv$ 9 ,new ,york1 b dur+ ^! six weeks x rea*$ a maximum4 ,f ! 'vantage gr\nd ( easi] days ,i h (t5 look$ back & wond]$ :y ,i made no real ef=t to bett] myself1 to get out ( ! hat$ city1 to g we/1 = a railway pass 0 always m or less )9 my p[]1 & o!r fell[s1 simil>ly 9 difficulties1 7 always *ang+ occupations & localities4 ,x 0 due1 ,i ?9k1 to a k9d ( resignation1 ?\gh r a fi]ce resignation1 a k9d ( ob/9ate _s ( acceptance 9 me4 8,take x all1 :atev] comes10 said ?is _s4 8,dodge1 %irk1 avoid no?+4 ,y h des]v$ x4 ,exhau/ x !n4 ,suck ! orange dry40 ,&1 z if life 7 n sev]e & difficult en\gh1 z x 01 ,i w\ld ev5 practise c]ta9 au/]ities ,i inv5t$ on my own acc\nt4 ,already ,i felt myself immeasurably old2 life seem$ ne>ly end$2 ext]nal ev5ts1 anyh[1 did n really matt]4444 ,a roll+-/one sees life1 ( c\rse1 b collects little1 if any1 fruit2 ?\gh ,i made no det]m9$ ef=ts to escape my conditions at ?is "t1 a new adv5ture ev] _h attractions = me4 ,hav+ once ta/$ ! ess5ce ( a p>ticul> exp]i5ce1 ,i f\nd myself we>y ( x & long+ = a new "o4 ,?is vagabondage 9 ! blood has /r5g!n$ ) ! ye>s4 ,a fix$ job means prison1 a new "o s5ds my spirits up4 ,r\t9e is hell4 ,to take a room1 a flat1 a job by ! ye>1 means insupportable dete/ation ( any ( !m soon aft]w>ds4 ,x is a view ( life t h>dly goes to make good citiz5%ip1 b1 on ! o!r h&1 x t5ds to keep ! he>t "y1 to prev5t too e>ly h>d5+ ( ! m5tal art]ies1 :ile x c]ta9ly militates aga9/ ! dread disease ( bor$om4 ,une vie m\vem5te has its vagabond values4 ,to a c]ta9 side ( my nature ,old ,l\is's wis] epitaph 78,sorry ,i spoke2 sorry !y spoke07 made less appeal ?an "s anonym\s v]ses ,i came across 9 ,scribn]'s ,magaz9e ) ! title 8,a ,vagrant's ,epitaph0--v]ses ,i knew by he>t aft] a fir/ read+3 ,*ange 0 8 mi/ress2 ,*ance 8 c\nsellor4 ,love c\ld n hold him2 ,duty =g$ no *a94 ,! wide seas & ! m\nta9s call$ him1 ,& grey dawns saw 8 camp-fires 9 ! ra94 ,sweet h&s might tremble6--aye1 b he mu/ g4 ,revel might hold him = a little space2 ,b1 turn+ pa/ ! laught] & ! lamps1 ,8 eyes mu/ ev] cat* ! lur+ ,face4 ,de> eyes might "q6 ,yea1 & melt aga92 ,r>e lips a-quiv]1 sil5tly implore2 ,b he mu/ ev] turn 8 furtive head1 ,& he> t o!r summons at ! door4 ,*ange 0 8 mi/ress2 ,*ance 8 c\nsellor4 ,! d>k firs knew 8 :i/le up ! trail4 ,:y t>ries he to-day8444 ,& ye/]night ,adv5ture lit h] />s )\t avail4 ,! plague ( possessions1 at any rate1 has nev] tr\bl$ me1 ei!r actually or 9 desire1 :ile ! in/9ct to r$uce life to its simple/ t]ms has /r5g!n$4 ,! homeless feel+ ( liv+ 9 my trunks is happ9ess1 ! idea ( dome/icity appals1 & ! com=ts ( ri* fri5ds wake no e*o 9 me1 assur$ly no envy4 ,a home1 z a settl$ place "o owns & expects to live 9 = ye>s1 p]haps = ev]1 is abhorr5t to e in/9ct 9 me1 & :5 acqua9tances %[ (f ) pride _! cottage1 _! flat1 _! furniture1 _! 8collections10 ev5 _! 8n a bad little g>d51 is x80 my he>t confesses to a vague depression :i* makes x difficult to sympa?ise & give !m my bless+4 ,life1 at its longe/1 is absurdly brief be=e heal? & en]gy beg9 to slip d[nhill2 x is mapp$ ) a cunn+ network ( ruts & grooves f :i*1 once 91 x is difficult to escape2 only ! lucky ones are nev] caught1 al?\gh ! 8caught0 are lucky p]haps 9 ano!r way--!y d n realize x4 ,yet ev5 to-day1 :5 times are bad & ! horizon n too cle> = "s "t ahead1 ! old dread ( />vation rises 9 me2 ,i nev] see apple r+s 9 a groc]'s w9d[ )\t gett+ _! ta/e & feel+ !m rise & swell )9 me l "s tr\blesome emotion4444 ,to my ye> & a-half on ! ,new ,york ,times ,i look back ) no?+ b pleasure2 ! slogan1 8,all ! news t's fit to pr9t10 0 practis$2 & ! m5 ,i work$ ) 7 a good company ( dec5t fell[s4 ,muldoon1 a fight+ ,iri%man ) a grim fi]ce mann] & a w>m he>t1 _h a s5se ( hum\r & a gift = enc\rag+ 8 report]s t made !m love him4 ,c4 ,w4 ,mill] 0 editor 9 *ief1 & ,c>ey1 manag]4 ,:o own$ ! pap] ,i h =gott51 b x 0 n ,colonel ,jones :o 0 pres5t at ! ,union ,league ,club d9n] to my fa!r1 :5 ,i made my maid5 spee* "s n9e ye>s be=e4 ,h\rs ( "w 7 f noon until ! night assignm5t 0 turn$ 91 :i* meant any "t f t5 o'clock onw>ds2 ?\gh1 z em]g5cy man1 9 case ( some?+ happ5+ late1 ,i (t5 _h to /ay 9 ! (fice till aft] "o 9 ! morn+4 ,prop] food1 a new suit1 comrade%ip ) a bett] class ( m51 came1 p]haps1 j 9 "t = me4 ,i rememb] ! pleasure ( writ+ home ab\t my new po/4 ,i _h a dress-suit aga94 ,i sav$ #ae a week4 ,report+ = a ,new ,york newspap] c nev] be unev5tful1 b ! pa9ful incid5ts ( life make deep] impressions ?an ! pleasant ones4 ,to meet ! =m] means usually to call ^u "o's res]ves1 & memory h5ce reta9s %>p] pictures ( !m correspond+ to ! great] ef=t4 ,on ! ,times ,i 0 happy4 ,two incid5ts /& out /ill 9 ! m9d1 "o cr$itably pleas+ to vanity2 ! o!r1 exactly ! rev]se4 ,! latt]1 ?\gh x annoy$ ,muldoon ke5ly at ! mom5t1 =tunately = me appeal$ to 8 s5se ( hum\r too4 ,he _h giv5 me an ev5+ (f--t is1 all ,i _h to d 0 to write a brief report ( a ,/ud5ts' ,conc]t 9 :i* 8 little niece 0 p]=m+4 8,)\t /ra9+ v]acity10 he m5tion$ ) a gr91 8ye might p]haps say some?+ k9d & pretty ab\t h]60 ,he w9k$1 :isp]+ h] "n 9 my e>4 8,h ye got x80 he ask$ fi]cely4 ,i nodd$4 ,0 ,i ?9k+ ( some?+ else at ! mom5t8 ,0 my m9d 9 ! woods t lovely ev5+ 9 spr+8 ,at ! conc]t ,i pick$ out ! "n ,i rememb]$ & wrote lat] a /urdy eulogi/ic notice ( an atroci\s p]=m]1 say+ ! v prettie/ & nice/ ?+s ,i c\ld ?9k (1 !n w5t home to a covet$ e>ly b$4 ,b ,muldoon's grim smile next day1 z ,i report$ at 8 desk = an assignm5t1 gave me w>n+ t some?+ 0 wrong4 ,he did n keep me 9 susp5se4 ,i _h select$ = my praise1 n only ! crude/ p]=m] ( ! conc]t--t ,i already knew--b "o :om all ! o!r pupils dislik$ int5sely1 & ^: "n !y p>ticul>ly hop$ w\ld be omitt$ altoge!r4 ,! niece ,i _h n ev5 m5tion$4 ,! o!r incid5t t /&s out aft] all ^! ye>s 0 m cr$itable4 ,dr4 ,lyman ,abbott1 ,editor ( ! ,outlook1 :i* once ,h5ry ,w>d ,bee*] edit$ z ! ,*ur* ,union1 0 prea*+ 9 ,bee*]'s ,plym\? ,*ur*1 ,brooklyn1 a s]ies ( s]mons on 8,! ,!ology ( an ,evolutioni/10 & ,muldoon _h p]suad$ ! editor-9-*ief t a full report on ! front page e ,monday w\ld be a cr$it to ! pap]4 ,8 proposal 0 agre$ to1 app>5tly )\t too mu* en?usiasm4 ,! ,iri%man 0 det]m9$ to ju/ify x4 8,i want ye to take x on10 said ,muldoon to me4 8,ye c write %or?&4 ,make x #aej40 ,a column 0 #ajj4 ,to h a column & a-half on ! front page1 if ,i c\ld d x well1 w\ld be a fea!r 9 my cap4 ,b my %or?& 0 poor1 ,i 0 out ( practice too1 bad notes are impossible to read = transcription1 & mi/akes w\ld mean angry lett]s ( correction f ,dr4 ,abbott1 probably4 ,monday 0 my day (f4 ,i w5t to ,plym\? ,*ur* ) a new notebook & ?ree s(t lead p5cils1 duly %>p5$ at bo? ends4 ,9 ! brief int]val be=e ,sunday ,i practis$ h>d4 ,! *ur* 0 pack$ to ! ro(1 z ,i sneak$ up ! aisle--an unfamili> place1 ,i felt x6--to a little table plac$ imm$iately b5ea? ! pulpit4 ,i came 9 aft] ! s]vice1 b j 9 "t = ! s]mon4 ,!re 7 no o!r report]s pres5t4 ,x ?rill$ me to see ,dr4 ,abbott1 :o1 z a "y man ( tw5ty-?ree1 _h he>d ,l9coln speak on slav]y4 ,! 8,!ology ( an ,evolutioni/0 0 an ardu\s assignm5t t /ra9$ e faculty ,i possess$1 b indiff]5t %or?& lay at ! root ( ! /ra94 ,dr4 ,abbott's deliv]y 0 sure & /eady1 m rapid ?an x s\nd$4 ,he nev] hesitat$ = a ^w1 he nev] c\gh$1 or cle>$ 8 ?roat1 or ev5 sneez$4 ,!re 7 none ( ^? slight pauses :i* help a poor %or?&-writ] to pick up valuable seconds4 ,! /ream ( words p\r$ on rel5tlessly1 & ! rate1 ,i %\ld judge1 0 #bej a m9ute4 ,v]batim report+ 0 impossible to me4 ,i _h to cond5se z ,i w5t along1 & to cond5se )\t los+ s5se & coh]5ce 0 n easy4 ,my p5cil 0 always eight or t5 words beh9d ! words ,i actually li/5$ to1 & ! ,pitman outl9es = ! words ,i wrote d[n _h to be recall$1 :ile1 at ! same "t1 memory _h to reta9 ^? be+ actually utt]$ at ! mom5t4 ,be+ out ( practice ,i (t5 hesitat$ ov] an outl9e1 los+ fractions ( a second ea* "t ,i did s4 ,^! outl9es come automatically1 ( c\rse1 to a good writ]4 ,!n !re 0 ! s5se1 ! proportion1 ! relative values ( argum5t & evid5ce to be consid]$--matt]s t c\ld n be adju/$ 9 ! (fice aft]w>ds1 :5 !re 0 b>ely "t1 9 any case1 to transcribe my notes be=e go+ to ,press4 ,! int]e/ ,i felt 9 ! subject1 moreov]1 delay$ my m9d "t & "t aga94 ,occasionally a p5cil-po9t w\ld break z well1 & turn+ x r\nd 9 my h& meant important delay 9 a process :]e ea* fraction ( a second c\nts4 ,9 ! (fice aft]w>ds1 ea* page transcrib$ 0 :ipp$ away by a pr9t]'s devil be=e x c\ld be reconsid]$ & re-read4 ,i inv>iably w5t to b$ aft] ^! ev5+s 9 *ur* ) a splitt+ heada*e2 b ! #aej appe>$ duly on ! front page e ,monday morn+1 ?\gh :e!r good or bad ,i _h no inkl+4 ,my impression1 due to ,muldoon's sil5ce1 0 t my reports 7 h>dly a success4 ,:5 ! la/ ( ! long s]ies came my op5+ report 0 confus$ & inaccurate ow+ to an ann\ncem5t f ! pulpit :i* emb>rass$ me absurdly4 ,dr4 ,abbott m5tion$ briefly t num]\s reque/s to pr9t ! s]mons _h rea*$ him1 b t he did n propose to d s4 ,he ref]r$ ^? int]e/$1 in/ead1 to ! reports 9 ! ,times :i*1 he took pleasure 9 say+1 7 excell5t1 accurate & z satisfactory z any?+ he c\ld d himself4 ,be+ ! only report] pres5t1 ,i felt conspicu\s at my little table "u ! pulpit 9 ! imm5se build+4 ,b ,i rememb] ! pleasure too4 ,x 0 an ann\ncem5t ,i c\ld use1 0 b\nd to use1 inde$1 9 my own report next day4 ,muldoon w\ld be pleas$4 ,on ! ,tuesday morn+1 :5 ,i appe>$ at 8 desk1 he look$ at me ) su* a fi]ce expression t ,i ?\ght ,i 0 ab\t to be dismiss$4 8,h ye be5 to y\r lock]80 0 all he said4 ,9 ! lock]1 h[ev]1 ,i f\nd a lett] f ,dr4 ,abbott to ! editor-9-*ief1 ?ank+ him = ! reports ( ! s]mons1 reports1 he wrote1 8^: brevity1 accuracy1 & intellig5ce furni% a synopsis ,i c\ld n h improv$ ^u myself40 ,he add$1 too1 ano!r important s5t5ce3 8by y\r report] :om ,i d n "k40 ,x 0 n fav\ritism !re=e4 ,a brief *it to be h&$ to ! ca%i] 0 9 my lock] too4 ,my sal>y 0 rais$ to #dj a week4 ,! heada*es _h prov$ wor? :ile4 ,! ye> & a-half ) ! ,times 0 a happy p]iod1 ?\gh long be=e x end$ ,i _h begun to feel my cu/om>y we>9ess ( ! job1 & a ye>n+ = some?+ new4 ,! newspap] exp]i5ce1 :i* began ) ! ,ev5+ ,sun1 0 exhau/$ = me4 ,! pleasant & unpleasant sides ( x ,i knew by he>t4 ,?\gh ,i took no action1 my m9d began to ca/ ab\t = o!r fields4 ,i _h sav$ a little ca%4 ,my ?\ghts turn$ we/w>ds1 ,cali=nia1 ! ,pacific ,coa/1 ! bright sun%9e & blue wat]s ( ! s\!rn seas ev54 ,i 0 pa/ tw5ty-sev54 ,to be a ,new ,york report] all my life did n appeal4 ,nor 0 x yet "t to g back to ,engl&4 ,no trace ( lit]>y faculty1 nor any desire to write1 mu* less a consci\sness t ,i c\ld write p]haps1 _h decl>$ !mselves4 ,my summ] holidays ( two weeks ,i sp5t aga9 9 ! backwoods1 ) a view to "s woodl& life :i* 0 to include1 ?is "t1 ,old ,l\is1 too4 ,ob/acles ev]y:]e made me feel1 h[ev]1 t x 0 n to be1 = ?\gh !y 7 ob/acles ,i c\ld h ov]come1 ,i took !m z an indication t fate _h o!r views = my future4 ,:5 a ?+ 0 meant to be1 x inv>iably came ( itself1 ,i f\nd4 ,my temp]am5t1 at any rate1 not$ & obey$ ^! h9ts4 ,old ,l\is1 too1 :o 0 to collect 8 poems 9 our woodl& home1 to write new ones z well1 met all practical sugge/ions )1 8,let u consid]1 ,figlio1 a little long] fir/40 ,he 0 to write also a political hi/ory ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates & 8,i mu/ collect m data be=e ,i am ready to g40 ,! dread ( be+ fix$ & settl$1 a captive 9 a place ,i c\ld n leave at a mom5t's notice1 did n op]ate :]e ,nature 0 conc]n$4 ,! idea ( liv+ 9 ! =e/s _h no fe> ( prison 9 x4 ,ev5ts1 moreov]1 :i* br\ght big *anges into my life _h always come1 ,i notic$1 f outside1 r ?an z a result ( def9ite action on my own "p4 ,a *ance meet+ 9 a hotel-b> set me report+1 a *ance meet+ ) ,mull9s l&$ me on ! ,times1 a *ance meet+ ) ,angus ,hamilton 9 ,piccadilly ,circus l$ to my writ+ books1 a *ance meet+ ) ,william ,e4 ,dodge n[ sudd5ly heav$ me up ano!r rung ( life into ! position ( private secret>y to a millionaire bank]4 ,to me x has always seem$ t "s outside p[]1 b an intellig5t p[]1 pull$ a /r+ ea* "t1 & up ,i popp$ into an entirely new set ( circum/ances4 ,?is p[] pu%$ a button1 & (f ,i %ot 9 a direction at "r angles to ! "o ,i _h be5 mov+ 9 be=e4 ,?is intellig5t sup]vision ,i attribut$ 9 ^? days to ,k>ma4 ,9 ! m9d1 ?\gh p]haps ) less decision !re1 x op]at$ too4 ,a book1 a casual s5t5ce ( "s fri5d1 an effect ( sc5]y1 ( music1 & an express-lift m\nts rapidly f ! cell> ( my be+ to an upp] /ory1 giv+ a new ext5d$ view ov] a f>1 a new horizon4 ,mu* t puzzles 9 ! obscurity ( ! basem5t outlook becomes cle> & simple4 ,! individual :o ann\nces ! sudd5 *ange is unaw>e probably h[ vital a rle he plays 9 ano!r's life4 ,he is b an in/rum5t1 aft] all4 ,:51 by *ance1 ,i f\nd ,mr4 ,dodge next me 9 a ,broadway cable c>1 my fir/ in/9ct 0 to slip out on to ! outside plat=m be=e he _h se5 me1 )1 simultane\sly1 a hope t if he _h se5 me1 he w\ld n recognize me4 ,he 0 a fri5d ( my fa!r's4 ,we _h d9$ at 8 h\se on our fir/ visit to ,new ,york1 & once or twice s9ce !n our pa?s _h cross$ = a mom5t or two4 ,he 0 a man ( great influ5ce1 & ( tireless philan?ropy1 a f9e1 j1 high-m9d$ p]sonality4 ,he />$ h>d at me4 ,be=e ,i c\ld move1 he _h spok5 to me by "n4 8,h[ 0 ,i gett+ along80 he inquir$ k9dly1 & did ,i 8l ,new ,york80 ,:at 0 ,i 8do+ at ! mom5t80 ,i seiz$ ! opportunity & told him ( my long+ to get out ( newspap] "w4 ,he li/5$ att5tively2 he exam9$ me1 ,i 0 aw>e1 m ?an att5tively4 ,9 ! end he ask$ me to come & see him = a p]sonal *at--n 9 8 (fice1 b 9 8 h\se4 ,he nam$ a day & h\r4 ,an invitation to 8 (fice ,i %\ld h disreg>d$4 ,x 0 ! k9dness ( 8my h\se0 t won me4 ,b ! int]view 0 disappo9t+1 r emb>rass+ z well to me4 ,he ask$ _m p]sonal que/ions ab\t my life & habits1 x 0 all v bus9ess-l & *ill+4 ,9 ! end he m5tion$ vaguely t ,james ,spey]1 ( ,spey] ,bros41 0 ?9k+1 he believ$1 ( engag+ a secret>y1 & t possibly--he c\ld n say = c]ta9--he might1 :5 he next saw him1 sugge/ my "n = ! po/4 8,( c\rse10 he add$1 /ill m cauti\sly1 8y w und]/& ,i mu/ make inquiries ab\t y at ! ,times40 ,he promis$ to let me "k if any?+ fur!r came ( x4 ,= _m weeks ,i he>d no ^w4 ,!n ,i wrote4 ,! reply ask$ me to call at 8 (fice4 ,he 0 k9dness & sympa?y p]sonifi$4 8,! ,times gives y an excell5t "*10 he in=m$ me1 8& say !y w be v sorry to lose y4 ,i am sorry !re has be5 ?is delay40 ,he h&$ me a p]sonal lett] to ,james ,spey]4 ,he invit$ me to d9n] 9 8 h\se ! foll[+ ev5+4 ,be=e bru%+ up my dress-suit = ! occasion--my fir/ d9n] 9 a dec5t h\se = _m ye>s--,i _h se5 ,mr4 ,spey] & _h be5 engag$ at a sal>y ( #b1jjj a ye> = a morn+ job1 f #h till #b o'clock daily1 ) a g5]al sup]vision dur+ ! day ( 8 t[n & c\ntry h\ses1 horses1 s]vants1 *>ities1 & num]\s o!r int]e/s4 ,! d9n] 9 ,mr4 ,dodge's ,fif? ,av5ue palace 0 a v]itable banquet to me4 ,imm$iately opposite1 across ! av5ue1 0 ! o!r palace occupi$ by ,james ,spey]4 ,x 0 all r bewild]+1 a new _w ) a v5geance4 ,ye>s among ! outca/ ( ! city _h n precisely poli%$ my mann]s1 nor c\ld ,i feel at my ease ?us sudd5ly among dec5t folk aga94 ,i rememb] be+ absurdly tongue-ti$1 %y & awkw>d1 until ,m4 de ,*aillu1 :o 0 pres5t1 began to talk ab\t books1 />s1 natural hi/ory1 & o!r spl5did ?+s1 & took me ) him into "s unimag9able sev5? heav54 ,i _h mom5ts ( t]ror too1 b ! /ronge/ emotion ,i rememb] is ! deep gratitude ,i felt t[>ds ,mr4 ,dodge4 ,a fur!r t9y detail cl+s z well1 :5 ,i 0 invit$ = a week-end to ! ,dodge c\ntry h\se on ! ,hudson1 & 0 ba?+ ) ! son4 ,he 01 l myself1 six feet ?ree in*es1 well built1 b well cov]$ too1 8 age p]haps close on =ty4 ,z we /ood on ! spr+-bo>d wait+ = our second dive1 he look$ at me4 8,y c]ta9ly hav5't got a tummy10 he rem>k$ ) admir+ envy4 8,i wi% ,i 7 z ?960 ,& ! casual words made a que] impression on me4 ,i realiz$ abruptly h[ little ( c]ta9 real values su* p knew 444 h[ little ^! protect$ p ev] c\ld "k4 ,i /ill see 8 admir+1 good-hum\r$1 k9dly expression1 z he said ! empty words4444 ,james ,spey]1 bro!r ( ,edg>1 :o lat] became a b>onet & memb] ( ! ,privy ,c\ncil1 0 :at we call$ 9 ,new ,york a 8:ite man40 ,i h>dly ?9k ,i prov$ an ideal private secret>y4 ,8 pati5ce & k9dness began at ! fir/ trial int]view ,i _h ) him1 :5 my %or?&--he dictat$ a newspap] f9ancial p>agraph full ( unfamili> t]ms--0 n at its be/1 8n v gr&10 7 ! actual words he us$4 ,z = bookkeep+1 ,i told him frankly t 8figures 7 my idea ( hell10 :]eupon1 aft] a mom5t's puzzl$ />e1 he laugh$ & said t keep+ acc\nts ne$ n be among my pr9cipal duties4 ,a cl]k f ! (fice c\ld come up & balance ! books e mon?4 ,! phrase ab\t hell1 ! grave expression ( my face1 he told me long aft]w>ds1 t\*$ 8 s5se ( hum\r4 ,! huge book 9 :i* ,i kept 8 p]sonal acc\nts prov$1 none ! less1 a daily nightm>e1 ) its n9e columns = diff]5t k9ds ( exp5diture--,*>ities1 ,h\sekeep+1 ,pres5ts1 ,loans1 ,p]sonal1 & ! re/4 ,x lock$ ) a key4 ,i sp5t h\rs ov] x4 ,no total ev] came out twice alike4 ,yet ,mr4 ,hopf1 ! bright-ey$1 dim9utive ,g]man f ! (fice1 ran 8 t9y f+]s up & d[n ^? columns l "s tw9kl+ insect1 *att+ ) me :ile he add$1 & mak+ ! totals "r 9 a few m9utes4 ,max ,hopf1 ) 8 slight1 twi/y body1 look$ l an agile figure ( #c himself4 ,9 8 sp>e "t1 ,i felt sure1 he play$ ) figures4 ,he 0 a juggl] 9 my eyes4 ,! fir/ week 9 my new job 0 a n]v\s "o1 ?\gh ,mr4 ,spey]'s tact & k9dly feel+ soon put me at my ease4 ,my desk at fir/ 0 9 a corn] ( an unus$ bo>d room 9 ! bank1 :]e ,i sat l a k+ answ]+ c\ntless lett]s on a typewrit]4 ,! %or?& 0 disc>d$2 ,i compos$ ! replies f v]bal h9ts & g5]al indications4 ,cl]ks treat$ me ) respect2 language 0 dec5t2 surr\nd+s 7 sumptu\s2 x 0 "s "t be=e ,i 8f\nd0 myself4 ,! second morn+ a call] 0 %[n 91 somebody to see ,mr4 ,spey]4 ,he took a *air beside my desk1 />$ fix$ly at me1 op5$ 8 m\? & call$ me by my ,*ri/ian "n--x 0 ! ,ex*ange ,place bank] :o us$ to /ay 9 my fa!r's h\se & :o _h la/ se5 me 9 b$ at ,ea/ #ai? ,/reet4 ,he congratulat$ me4 ,i f\nd out1 incid5tally1 !n1 h[ mu* my sw9dl+ fri5d ( ^? days _h 8t\*$0 him = on my behalf 444 & repaid x4 ,james ,spey] prov$ a good fri5d dur+ ! two ye>s or s ,i sp5t ) him2 he treat$ me z fri5d1 too1 r ?an z secret>y4 ,my (fice 0 transf]r$ to 8 palatial resid5ce 9 ,madison ,av5ue1 a new h\se he _h j built = himself1 & x 0 "p ( my job to run ?is h\se = him1 8 c\ntry h\se at ,irv+ton on ! ,hudson z well4 ,^! e/abli%m5ts1 = a millionaire ba*elor1 7 on a simple scale1 ?\gh ! am\nt ( money necess>y = "o man's com=ts /agg]$ me at fir/4 ,a m>ri$ ,fr5* c\ple 7 8 *ief s]vants1 ! woman z cook1 ! man z butl]2 !y _h be5 ) him = a long "t2 !y ey$ ! new secret>y ) disfav\r2 !y 7 fea!r+ _! ne/s v com=tably1 ,i soon discov]$4 ,my hotel exp]i5ce 9 ,toronto /ood me 9 good /ead "h4 ,b ,mr4 ,spey] 0 a g5]\s1 live-&-let-live type ( man :o did n want a _s ( haggl+ ov] trifles 9 8 home4 ,i gradually adju/$ matt]s by introduc+ a reasonable scale4 ,! ,fr5* c\ple & ,i became good fri5ds4 ,i enjoy$ ! "w1 :i* includ$ e imag9able duty "u ! sun1 _h ample "t = ex]cise & read+1 & my employ]'s ze/ 9 ! ,univ]sity ,settlem5t ,movem5t ,i f\nd p>ticul>ly int]e/+4 ,james ,spey] 0 m ?an a ri* philan?ropi/3 he _h a he>t4 ,! column = ,*>ities & ,pres5ts 9 ! book ,mr4 ,hopf juggl$ ) once a mon? 0 a big "o1 :ile t = ,p]sonal ,exp5diture 0 relatively small4 ,:5 ,i d9$ alone ) him 9 ! luxuri\s panell$ room ,i realiz$ t life _h inde$ *ang$ = me4 ,8 h\se1 too1 0 fill$ ) beautiful ?+s4 ,he _h r>e ta/e4 ,8 bro!r ,edg>1 ^: ,engli% c>e] _h n yet begun1 /ay$ ) him on 8 p]iodical visits f ,frankfurt4 ,!re 0 music !n1 big d9n]-p>ties too1 to :i* ,i 0 sometimes invit$4 ,social am5ities 7 n always q easy1 = ! position ( a ,jew 9 ,new ,york ,society 0 delicate1 b ,i nev] once knew ,james ,spey]'s ta/e or judgm5t at fault4 ,8 intellig5ce %[$ itself n only 9 f9ance2 he 0 intellig5t all ov]2 imag9atively ?\ghtful = all connect$ ) him1 & 8 philan?ropy sprang f a g5u9e desire to help ! un=tunate4 ,= ,jews ,i h always _h a quick feel+ ( sympa?y1 ( admiration4 ,i adore _! intellig5ce1 subtlety1 ke5 love ( beauty1 _! und]/&+1 _! wisdom4 ,9 ! be/ ( !m lies "s intuitive grip ( anci5t values1 "s arti/ic disc]nm5t1 t fasc9ates me4 ,i f\nd myself comp>+ ,alfr$ ,l\is ) ,james ,spey]2 _! reaction1 respectively1 ^u myself %[$ cle>ly aga9 ! /&>d ( :at1 to me1 0 important3 ! "o1 alone among 8 un*angeable1 imp]i%able 8,et]nities10 unaw>e ( com=t z ( fame1 unrecogniz$1 unadv]tis$1 lonely & d]elict1 yet equally z pr\d ( 8 h]itage z ! o!r :o1 9 a noisi] m>ket s\ght ! less p]man5t spl5d\rs ( success & worldly hon\r4 ,"o fill$ 8 mod]n palace ) old5 beauty fa%ion$ by _m m51 ! o!r _h /ock$ 8 m9d ) a lovel9ess t money c\ld n buy4 ,"o f9anc$ a gigantic railway ent]prise1 ! o!r wrote ! 8,night ,song40 ,all ! "o said bless$ & ornam5t$ ! m9d1 all ! o!r said advis$ x4 ,"o p>t$ ) a poem z ?\gh he sold a p\nd ( 8 own liv+ fle%1 ! o!r 0 pleas$1 yet a trifle n]v\s1 :5 ,muldoon--?9k+ to help me 9 my job--wrote a panegyric ( easy philan?ropies 9 ! ,brooklyn ,eagle1 to :i* 8 fi]ce activities _h n[ be5 transf]r$ f ! ,times4 ,bo? taught me mu*4 ,f "o1 s++ amid 8 dirt 9 an attic1 ,i le>n$ ab\t a _w t1 hid+ beh9d ephem]al appe>ances1 lies dea?lessly s]5e & unalt]ably lovely2 f ! o!r1 ab\t a _w :i* f> f dea?less & c]ta9ly less s]5e1 flaunts its rew>ds ^u a m obvi\sly remun]ative scale4 ,( bo? poet & f9anci]1 at any rate1 ,i kept vivid1 grateful1 pleasant memories4 ,betwe5 ! unsav\ry _w ,i _h liv$ 9 s long & ! new "o ,i _h n[ ent]$1 ! ,old ,man ( ,visions1 himself at home 9 all & e k9d ( _w1 always seem$ a bridge4 ,8 p]sonality spread imag9atively1 z x 71 ov] all grades & ?r\gh all /rata ( humanity4 ,9 my sl[ upw>d climb he seem$ to h& me on1 & 9 return = 8 unfail+ guidance x 0 possible to make 8 own conditions a trifle m com=table3 possible1 b n easy1 because !re 0 no help he ne$$ & did n positively scorn4 ,he wat*$ my welf>e ) unfail+ int]e/1 b no?+ w\ld induce him to buy a new hat1 a new frock-coat1 an umbrella or a pair ( gloves4 8,our memories1 at any giv5 mom5t10 says ,b]gson1 8=m a solid :ole1 a pyramid1 s to speak1 ^: po9t is ins]t$ precisely into our pres5t action40 ,on t 8po9t0 old ,l\is /ill drives ?r\gh my m9d & wields an influ5ce to-day4444 ,! happi] p]iod ) ,james ,spey] 01 ( c\rse1 an episode1 l my o!r exp]i5ces4 ,x 0 wond]ful to draw a good sal>y regul>ly = pleasant "w2 to h long holidays 9 ! ,adirondacks1 or moose-%oot+ 9 ! woods nor? ( ! ,canadian ,pacific ,railway2 wond]ful1 too1 :5 my employ] w5t to ,europe = ?ree mon?s1 to "k myself 9 *>ge ( su* big int]e/s1 ) a p[] ( attorney to sign all *eques4 ,b ! usual re/lessness 0 soon on me aga91 desire = a *ange /irr$ 9 my blood4 ,! ,spani%-,am]ican ,w>1 ,i rememb]1 made me ?9k ( jo9+ ,roosevelt's ,r\gh ,rid]s1 a s*eme bo? ,spey] & ,l\is /rongly disapprov$1 & t an attack ( typhoid fev] r5d]$ impossible 9 any case4 ,x 0 dur+ convalesc5ce t x occurr$ to me ,i 0 ne>+ ?irty1 & t if ,i meant to live 9 ,am]ica all my life1 x 0 "t to become naturaliz$4 ,& ?is ?\ght caus$ me to reflect on ! "q ( go+ home4 ,my si/]1 ) h] *ildr51 pass$ ?r\gh ,new ,york ab\t ?is "t1 return+ f ,s\? ,au/ralia1 :]e h] husb& 0 ,gov]nor1 & x 0 at d9n] 9 my employ]'s h\se1 :]e he _h invit$ !m1 t ! long+ to return to ,engl& sudd5ly decl>$ itself4 ,to f9d myself among relatives :o call$ me by ! unfamili> *ildhood "n1 woke ,engli% memories1 ,engli% values1 & br\ght back ! ,engli% atmosph]e once m4 ,my "m 0 /ill alive4444 ,i rememb] t d9n] well4 ,my si/] br\ght a tame little ,mexican monkey ) h]4 ,a man1 also1 call$ to ask ,mr4 ,spey] = help1 & :5 ,i w5t to int]view him 9 ! hall1 8 long /ory includ$ a ref]5ce to some?+ ,mr4 ,dodge1 he decl>$1 _h done = him4 8,mr4 ,dodge gave me ?is10 he said1 & promptly scoop$ "o eye out ( its socket & %[$ x to me ly+ 9 ! palm ( 8 h&4 ,! glass eye1 ! monkey1 rema9 associat$ 9 my m9d /ill ) ! r poignant memories ( =gott5 ,engli% days my si/]'s visit /irr$ to life1 & ) my own emotions z ,i reflect$ ^u ! idea ( go+ home at la/4 ,a *ance meet+1 aga91 work$ its spell4 ,i _h felt t half a univ]se sep>at$ me f ! _w 9 :i* my relatives liv$1 b aft] !y _h gone ,i began to realize v>i\s ?+s ,i _h n appreciat$ be=e4 ,new ,york1 ,i saw1 c\ld furni% no true abid+ city = my s\l :i*1 ?\gh vagabond1 yet s\ght some?+ m ?an its appall+ effici5cy c\ld ev] give4 ,:at did ,i miss8 ,i c\ld "n x n[1 b ,i h>dly nam$ x !n p]haps4 ,i 0 always hungry !re1 b ) a hung] n ( ! body m]ely4 ,! hung]1 h[ev]1 0 real1 (t5 x 0 deva/at+4 ,) su* a lop-sid$ developm5t z m9e _h be51 my immaturity1 no d\bt1 0 /ill gl>+4 ,! s5se ( failure1 ,i "k1 at any rate1 0 v /rong4 ,my relatives _h be5 travell+1 & !y reflect$ a col\r ( o!r l&s t call$ to me4 ,?\ght & long+ n[ turn$ to an old] _w4 ,!re 7 anci5t wond]s1 s(t ) age1 mature ) a beauty & t5d]ness only timelessness c give1 t caught me on ! raw ) a p[] no ,yosemites1 ,niag>as1 or ,gr& ,canyons c\ld hope to imitate4 ,size has its magic1 b size bludgeons ! imag9ation1 r ?an fe$s x4 ,my he>t turn$ sudd5ly across ! sea4 ,i lov$ ! big woods1 b beh9d1 beyond ! woods1 great ,egypt lay ablaze4444 ,i talk$ ?+s ov] ) ! ,old ,man ( ,visions2 he advis$ me to g home4 8,see y\r "m be=e %e dies10 he urg$4 8,i _c come ) y1 b ,i may foll[ y40 ,he add$3 8,i %all miss y10 !n dropp$ into poetry1 z he always did :5 he 0 mov$4444 ,x 0 ^! talks ) ,old ,l\is ab\t ,engl&1 ! atmosph]e ( ,engl& z well1 t my si/] someh[ left beh9d h]1 my own ye>n+s n[ sudd5ly reawak5$ too1 t decid$ me4 ,my dete/ation ( ! city bo? cle>$ & deep5$4 ,i began to und]/& m vividly1 m objectively1 ! reasons = my feel+ ali5 9 x4 ,i miss$ tradition1 backgr\nd1 dep?4 ,!re 0 a glitt]+ sm>tness ev]y:]e4 ,! great ideal 0 to be %>p]1 sm>t] ?an y\r neighb\r1 above all ?+s %>p & sm>t & furi\sly rapid1 above all ?+s--w9 ! game4 ,to be 9 a furi\s ru% 0 to be intellig5t1 to d ?+s sl[ly 0 to be d]id$4 ,! noise & spe$ sugge/$ rapids2 ! deep1 quiet pools 7 9 ! old] l&s4 ,display1 adv]tisem5t1 abs5ce ( all privacy ,i _h long be5 aw>e (1 naturally2 ,i n[ realiz$ h[ little ,i desir$ ?is spe$ & glitt]+ brilliance1 ?is frantic ru% to be at all co/s %>p]1 quick]1 sm>t] ?an "o's neighb\r1 to w9 ! game at any price4 ,i realiz$ :y my ye>s 9 ! city _h br\ght no fri5d%ips1 & :y !y _h be5 />v$ z well z lonely4444 ,"s mon?s pass$ be=e ,i book$ a passage1 h[ev]4 ,i 0 sorry to leave ,james ,spey]4 ,!n "o day he spoke to me ab\t--m>riage4 ,= a ye> or m ,i _h notic$ 8 fri5d%ip ) ,mrs4 ,l[ry1 a ,*ri/ian1 well-kn[n figure 9 ! social _w2 &1 be+ ! confidant ( bo? p>ties1 ,i _h done all ,i c\ld to enc\rage a m>riage t promis$ happ9ess & success4 ,9 due c\rse1 ,bi%op ,pott]1 ( ,new ,york1 (ficiat$4 ,! c]emony 0 p]=m$ 9 ! draw+-room1 & j be=e x began1 ,james ,spey] came up to me1 took ! beautiful l9ks out ( 8 cuffs1 & h&$ !m to me4 8,i %\ld l y to h ^!10 he said1 8z a little mem5to40 ,i h !m /ill4 ,a few mon?s lat]1 j be=e ,i 0 ?irty1 ,i f\nd myself 9 a second-class cab9 9 a ,cun>d]1 ) my sav+s 9 my pocket4 ,old ,l\is1 :o foll[$ me a ye> or two lat]1 came d[n to see me (f4 ,i 0 glad :5 ! ,/atue ( ,lib]ty lay f9ally bel[ ! sea's horizon1 b ,i %all nev] =get ! ?rill ( /range emotion ,i exp]i5c$ :5 ,i fir/ saw ! blue rim ( ,irel& rise above ! horizon a few days lat]4 ,a %utt] dropp$ beh9d me4 ,i ent]$ a totally new _w4 ,life cont9u$ to be m\vem5te1 inde$1 "o adv5ture succe$+ ano!r1 & ev] ) ! feel+ t a *ance lett]1 a *ance meet+ might op5 any morn+ a new *apt] ( q a novel k9d2 b my ,am]ican episodes 7 f9i%$4 ,( my/ical1 psy*ic1 or s-call$ 8occult0 exp]i5ces1 ,i h purposely said no?+1 s9ce ^! notes h s\ght to recapture surface adv5tures only4 ,,index 8,a ,case ( ,eavesdropp+10 #beb ,abbott1 ,dr4 ,lyman1 s]mons on ! !ology ( an ,evolutioni/1 #bib et seq4 tribute to ,n4,y4 ,times report ( 8 s]mons1 #bid ,ab]de51 ,"l1 ,gov]nor-,g5]al ( ,canada1 #ff ,adv]tis+ extraord9>y1 #aje ,ahlw>dt1 ,rector1 anti-semitism (1 #bbi 8 meet+ at ,coop] ,union ,hall1 #bbi et seq4 ,ald51 ,mr41 & ,a4 ,h4 ,l\is1 #bga ,amityville1 a quasi lunatic asylum at1 #bbf ,anti-semitic campaign 9 ,new ,york1 #bbi et seq4 ,apples1 dri$1 & hot wat]1 z hung]-appeas]1 #aaa ,arson1 frequ5cy (1 among ,jews1 #ajf ,b>num & ,bailey's ,circus1 a banquet at1 #bbf ,beattie1 ,mr41 ,boyde &1 #bjf ,beau*amp1 ,montague1 #bc ,belloc1 ,hilaire1 an article by1 bas$ on au?or's book1 #bbd ,b5nett1 ,/]ndale1 ,a4 ,h4 ,l\is a pupil (1 #bfi ,b5son1 ,ar*bi%op1 ,a4 ,h4 ,l\is's memories (1 #bfh ,b]nh>dt1 ,s>ah1 int]view )1 #ajf ,b]n/e91 ,mrs41 a long-out/&+ acc\nt )1 settl$1 #bac & h] ?ird floor back1 #hj r$uces r5t--& :y1 #he removes to ano!r h\se1 #bji 8,bhagavad ,gita10 !1 _w-scripture (1 #cb ,b+ham1 ,billy1 =m] proprietor ( ! ,hub1 #ag1 #ci et seq4 ,black ,=e/1 s*ooldays 9 !1 #bd ,blackwood1 ,alg]non1 a *ildi% recollection ( 8 "m1 #bei a poem 9 ,! ,week by1 #ch an e>l's visit to ,sun (fice1 #bcj an int]lude ( play-act+1 #bee et seq4 & ,boyde3 a sc5e1 #afa et seq4 & ! ,hub hotel1 #ad1 #af et seq41 #ci et seq4 z report] 9 ! ,tombs1 #ii et seq4 z /ory-tell]1 #bbb z viol9i/1 #e1 #df1 #ge1 #hc1 #hg1 #ajg1 #afh1 #ahj assigns 8 int]e/ 9 ! ,hub1 #fa att5ds a ball at ,gov]nm5t ,h\se1 #ff becomes a p>tn] 9 an eau de ,cologne bus9ess1 #bgc1 #bgd beg9n+ ( fri5d%ip ) ,alfr$ ,h4 ,l\is1 #bff cr$it$ ) p[]s ( ,black ,magic1 #gg 8cribs0 f an intoxicat$ report]1 #ajh dea? ( 8 fa!r1 #ce1 #bca 8deta*m5t0 me?od (1 #ea1 #bbg1 #bbh disagreem5t ) ,dr4 ,huebn]1 #aef discov]s ,boyde's =g]y1 #acb dissolves p>tn]%ip ) ,coop]1 #ad ,ed9burgh ,univ]sity c\rse (1 #ad1 #ea eighte5 mon?s on /aff ( ,new ,york ,times1 #bhh et seq4 essays magaz9e writ+1 #hd evangelical upbr++ (1 #bj1 #bc1 #bg1 #ga exam9$ on a *>ge ( arson1 #bhf fir/ exp]i5ce ( morph9e1 #agh five mon?s on ,lake ,rosseau1 #gc et seq4 free-lance j\rnalism1 #beb1 #bgd fri5d%ip ) a dy+ doctor1 #eh et seq4 8 "m's lett]s1 #beh improvises accompanim5t to 8,invocation to ,opium10 #afh int]views a lion1 #ajb int]views 9 ,tombs prison cell be=e trial1 #aja le>ns ,fr5*1 #cg lit]>y appr5tice%ip (1 #f loses fai? 9 mank9d1 & a regrett$ act1 #baj et seq4 maid5 spee* (1 #e1 #bia (f to ! goldfields1 #bce et seq4 on /aff ( ,ev5+ ,sun1 #ia p>5ts (1 #ag1 #ah1 #ba et seq4 p>tn] 9 dairy conc]n1 #aj et seq4 pawnbrok+ exp]i5ces1 #hh1 #aaj1 #abj1 #beb plays 9 ,dr9kwat]'s 8,oliv] ,cromwell10 #bef poses 9 /udios1 #dd1 #aeh reads ,patanjali's 8,yoga ,aphorisms10 #bh et seq4 receives a visit f ,paul9e1 #aeb reports a raid on a quasi lunatic asylum1 #bbf reports ,dr4 ,lyman ,abbott's s]mons1 #bib et seq4 resumes duties on ,ev5+ ,sun1 #bji returns f ,muskoka lakes1 #gh returns to ,engl&1 #cjd secret>y to ,james ,spey]1 #big et seq4 tackles ,boyde re a =g$ *eque1 #ach et seq4 talks ) ,boyde 9 8 cell at ,tombs prison1 #bjb tea*es ,fr5*1 #e1 #g translates ,fr5* /ories1 #ajb1 #abd1 #abh1 #abi unhappy days 9 ,new ,york1 #bhh visit$ by a bank]3 fur!r disclosures conc]n+ ,boyde1 #adh visits ( an ecc5tric ,g]man doctor1 #aaf1 #abj1 #abe visits w9t] qu>t]s ( ,b>num & ,bailey's circus1 #bbf w>n$ aga9/ ,boyde1 #aab1 #ace1 #acf1 #adg w>ns a pa/or's daught] aga9/ ,boyde1 #aci 8,:itey's0 useful h9ts to1 #if1 #ig1 #ih :y an op5+ 9 ,c4,p4,r4 did n ev5tuate1 #ff et seq4 works by1 #ec1 #gh1 #ajb1 #abc1 #afc1 #ahb1 #bbc1 #bbd1 #beb ,blackwood1 ,sir ,ar?ur 7fa!r71 a disreg>d$ c\nsel ( p]fection (1 #gf & ! ,hub v5ture1 #dj dea? 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