,,transcriber',s ,,note ,italic text is denoted by underscores4 ,bold text is denoted by equal signs4 ,some minor changes to the text are noted at the end of the book4 ,,little ,,blue ,,book ,,no4 #ihh ,edited by ,e4 ,haldeman-,julius ,the ,art of ,courtship ,clement ,wood ,,haldeman-,,julius ,,company ,,girard1 ,,kansas ,copyright1 #aibf1 ,haldeman-,julius ,company4 ,,printed ,,in ,,the ,,united ,,states ,,of ,,america ,,contents4 ,page #a4 ,why ,one ,must ,woo #e ,the ,origin of ,wooing #e ,reasons ,against ,wooing #h ,wooing by ,women #ab ,what ,wooing ,consists of #ac #b4 ,whom to ,woo #ae ,physical ,mates #ae ,mental ,mates #ai ,social ,mates #bj ,special ,problems #bb #c4 ,how a ,man ,woos #be ,whom to ,woo #be ,object and ,method of ,wooing #bg ,problems of ,wooing #cb ,the ,proposal1 and ,after #cc ,courtship ,after ,marriage #ce #d4 ,how a ,woman ,woos #cg ,fancy ,flirtations #cg ,judging ,men #ci 8,nice0 ,girl or ,human ,being #dc #e4 ,conduct ,during the ,engagement #dg ,conduct in ,public #dg ,in ,private #ej ,termination of ,engagements #ec #f4 ,famous ,courtships #eg ,courting by ,poetry #eg ,great ,lovers #ei ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,courtship ,,why ,,one ,,must ,,woo ,the ,origin of ,wooing4--,the normal man must woo the woman who attracts him1 because of an instinct planted deep in his nature1 which had its origin far down in the scale of life4 ,the modern civilized woman must woo1 because this obligation has been laid upon her by man's rearrangement of society1 dating from the savage hour when he ended the era of woman-rule1 the matriarchate1 and took the leadership himself4 ,the first separate male appears at about the stage of the barnacle in the scale of animal life4 ,the female barnacle1 a shellfish attached permanently to a rock1 pier1 or the hull of a ship1 gives birth to from two to seven little male consorts1 or husbands1 whom she keeps in little openings in her shell1 like pockets4 ,from among these pocket-husbands she picks out the one she pleases to mate with her2 usually selecting the largest 7for all are much smaller than herself71 and1 where sizes are equal1 the one that she feels drawn to emotionally4 ,from this emotion gradually emerges the esthetic sense1 or sense of the beautiful4 ,thus the first male did not have to do any wooing3 he was picked1 like the apple that one day made ,eden vanish away4 ,as we rise higher in the scale of animal life1 say among the spiders and insects like the grotesquely horrible praying mantis1 the male has to woo3 and a bloody and savage mate he must go after6 ,the female1 still larger than her male1 sits back and waits for the audacious mate to approach4 ,he feels one impelling biological purpose3 to mate with her1 and make sure that offspring will come4 ,nature has implanted this overpowering instinct in him4 ,in the female1 are two appetites2 a fainter desire to mate1 and ordinary hunger4 ,her male must satisfy both1 in his wooing4 ,as he approaches her1 the ,theda ,bara among insects grasps the male and eats1 first his head1 then a leg or two1 and a part of his body4 ,when the edge has been taken off her appetite1 she rests4 ,at this time what is left of the male completes the mating4 ,when her hunger returns again1 the female finishes her devouring of the male4 ,the male bee1 who outflies the other males in the lofty nuptial flight of the queen bee1 mates with her in thin high air far above the earth2 and dies at the moment of mating1 his husk of a body falling1 like ,lucifer out of heaven1 to the earth far below4 ,there are other cases where mating spells death for the male3 but ,nature is kinder in most matings1 and the male survives4 ,when we reach the birds and the mammals1 the wooing is a gorgeous thing4 ,for the male bird or beast1 as a slow result of female selection based upon her esthetic or beauty-loving sense1 has developed into a far more gorgeous creature than his mate4 ,the bright glitter of the peacock1 the gorgeous flame of the male tanager and cardinal bird1 the glow of gay tropical bird males1 the lion's mane1 the rooster's comb and feather display1 the stag's branching antlers1 the humble billygoat's beard1 the man's beard1 all have developed to stimulate the jaded eye of the female4 ,the mating songs1 from the bird carols to the whooping crane's strange howls1 with bill opened to the sky1 neck stiff as a ramrod1 and wings pumping out the weird noises1 and from the tomcat's caterwauling to the corner quartette's strange agonies over 8,sweet ,adeline0--all have developed to stimulate the bored ear of the female4 ,at mating time1 the male is often a ridiculous sight1 with his stiff formal dances and prancings before the female1 even among the animals4 ,he must woo3 that is what he was made for4 ,the female was not made primarily to woo3 her task is to live1 and to transmit life to the generations after her4 ,the male1 originally1 was merely an incident in her life4 ,thus the normal boy and young man came to the wooing period with a tremendous inward urge1 that gives them no release until they have wooed and won4 ,the female matures earlier in the human race2 and girls pass through a year or two of excessive curiosity and interest in the male sex1 when their boy friends of the same age are ordinarily entirely cold to all female charms4 ,the hidden hour comes when boy alters to man4 ,his voice changes and lowers1 in that ridiculous kaleidoscope of sound that is humorously called 8the goslings40 ,a tiny fuzz appears on male lips1 cheeks1 and chin3 the young man is as proud of the first hair of his incipient mustache as if he were entitled to credit for it4 ,his body alters1 and the mating impulse sweeps over him4 ,no matter how much he has scoffed at mere girls before1 they suddenly fill the whole horizon4 ,just as the animals strut to attract attention1 so boys and young men during this transition and shortly afterwards will do anything to gain the gaze of even a passing girl4 ,they talk in loud tones on the street1 they jostle a passing girl1 they cut up absurd capers--all to gain the first look from a woman's eyes4 ,then this bubbling simmers down1 and they set out on the long chase of the female1 which may occupy much of their lives thereafter4 ,if the boy or young man continues uninterested in girls1 this is a bad sign4 ,it may be bashfulness3 we will take up that symptom and its cure later4 ,it may indicate some inner twist1 which makes him prefer his own company1 or that of members of his own sex1 to female company4 ,this is1 spiritually at least1 a sort of perversion2 it is a sterile attitude1 contrary to the wide purposes of nature4 ,in normal cases1 he can no more avoid wooing than he can avoid feeling hungry and going after food4 ,for that is what he is on earth for1 from a physical point of view4 ,reasons ,against ,wooing4--,lord ,bacon1 that prosy old cynic whom misguided persons have sought to identify as the author of the plays attributed to ,shakespeare1 says in his ,essays3 8,a wife and children are impediments to great enterprises1 either of virtue or mischief40 ,there is the smoke of truth here1 but it points to a fire very different from the one the sardonic old politician intended4 ,great enterprises gain much of their impetus1 from the male's desire to stand well in the female's eyes4 ,another angle on the matter might be worded1 that the energy which is implanted in man for wooing purposes may be deflected into enterprises1 such as piratical and military careers1 adventure trips and explorations4 ,but more often than not1 the spur that sends the man into building a house1 or tilling a field1 into slicing mountains apart to wed great oceans1 discovering a pole or a hidden hinterland civilization1 into achievement of any distinguished kind1 is the desire to gain merit in the eyes of some specific woman1 or of women in general4 ,a great thinker has said that civilization is a sublimation1 or expression in another form1 of the primitive love desire4 ,a man1 because of his short height1 or some physical diseases or disability1 is rebuffed in youth by a woman3 to provide against a repetition of the rebuff1 he becomes a financial figure in ,wall ,street1 or a conqueror of the world2 or1 at least1 he tries to achieve this4 ,thus the spur of feminine approval is what goads the horse1 man1 to enterprises of virtue and mischief4 ,of course1 wooing does not necessarily involve marriage1 or the man's assumption of responsibility for the children4 ,many men remain closer to the primitive1 and are satisfied to enjoy the woman1 often at great cost to her1 and thereafter to abandon her with what children she may have as a result of the union4 ,such men lose the finer fruits of mating1 the long comradeship of a compatible woman that makes life a complete enjoyment1 rather than a fragmentary one4 ,the fact that a man has accepted a wife and children may tone down his spirit of adventure3 from absurd masculine displays1 8playing to the galleries0 of mankind1 his energy is altered to proper continuing courtship of his wife1 and the making of a home for her and the children4 ,to that extent ,bacon is right3 8great10 in the sense of flashy and foolhardy1 enterprises 8of virtue or mischief0 are replaced by ordinary sensible human living4 ,but there is no loss to the man1 rather a gain4 ,again1 the fact of acquiring a wife and children1 if the man is well mated1 acts as his chief spur to steady achievement in whatever is his role in human life4 ,the unmated man is a wild1 reckless creature1 taking any kind of absurd risk1 sinking a year's earnings in one night's play at the gambling table1 going on roaring drinking parties1 regarding women as his prey rather than as possible companions4 ,the well-mated man is a social unit1 or a part of one1 at least4 ,the wanderlust is drained away in the humbler yet loftier task of building his own world toward his dreams1 rather than skylarking over the world in the vain hope that somewhere he will find the world of his dreams already built for him4 ,there are dangers in mating1 grave dangers3 the divorce records of the country indicate many of them4 ,the chief one is where the man1 at an early age1 contracts a marriage with a woman who is a fit mate for him then1 but lacks the capacity for growth along with him4 ,this applies in many cases where the man makes a success thereafter in any line4 ,when he was a ten-dollar-a-week man1 he married a ten-dollar-a-week woman2 when he became a ten thousand dollar a year man1 the woman remained a ten-dollar-a-week woman1 and became a distinct and draining load upon his back1 and a deterrent to his continued success and happiness4 ,boswell1 ,johnson's biographer1 may have had this type in mind when he wrote3 ,whilst courting1 and in honeymoon1 ,with ,kate's allurements smitten1 ,i loved her late1 ,i loved her soon1 ,and called her dearest kitten4 ,but now my kitten's grown a cat1 ,and cross1 like other wives4 ,alas6 alas6 my honest ,matt1 ,i fear she has nine lives4 ,in 8,how to ,love0 7,little ,blue ,book ,no4 #ih71 problems of this nature were taken up and discussed3 the only remedy being1 where a marriage becomes loveless1 to terminate the marriage1 for the benefit of the man1 the woman1 and the children concerned4 ,from the woman's standpoint1 the chief danger in mating is that she will get a man lacking her sensitiveness1 and unable to grow into an appreciation of it4 ,she finds herself mated for life to a cruder1 coarser1 and incompatible male2 and1 when love dies1 and cruelty and infidelity take its place1 only the remedy indicated above will serve4 ,there are all these dangers3 but they call rather for a wiser courtship1 than for an abolition of wooing and mating4 ,lastly1 a man or woman is incomplete without courtship and mating4 ,those who say that a man or woman can become a perfected1 rounded human being without human love1 are deceivers1 spreading a mental poison4 ,the man or woman who goes too long without the practice of love contracts a case of ingrowing love1 as painful and morbid as an ingrowing toenail4 ,all the immense love energy stagnates and fouls into a diseased nature1 hateful1 spiteful1 gossipy1 perverted and warped from real humanness4 ,there can be no ultimate reason against mating4 ,the task is to woo well and mate wisely4 ,wooing by ,women4--,today1 contrary to the custom in the sub-human world and among the earliest savage men1 woman must woo as well as man4 ,the reason lies in man's alteration of the standards of society4 ,the female animal is not as competent as her mate in the hunt and the kill1 and in coping with life4 ,men have rendered women incompetent by thousands of years of hothouse sheltering and by servile toil for many more4 ,the woman today realizes1--we speak of the less intelligent woman now--that her task in life is to obtain a husband1 as a permanent meal ticket1 and as provider of home1 clothing1 and all the rest of the tremendous trifles of civilization4 ,such a mistaught girl goes after a man as a fisherman goes after a brook trout1 and more frequently than is good for the man lands the poor fish1 and has him hooked thoroughly thereafter4 ,such a woman has been taught that marriage should be based1 not upon love1 but upon a man's ability to care financially for the woman4 ,life's highest crown is a satisfying human love4 ,this she has not aimed for1 and this she does not get4 ,when she aims low1 she scores low3 and1 if the man is wise1 he will dump her and leave her high and dry1 when it is too late for her to go after the finer goal4 ,but even the wise woman today realizes that the whole social arrangement of mating between the sexes is overcast with absurd taboos and restrictions2 and that1 if she is to mate happily1 she must regain part of woman's lost privilege of choice4 ,there is nothing 8unladylike0 in her doing the choosing1 in her unostentatious wooing1 and1 if necessary1 in her proposing marriage herself4 ,we will take up woman as a wooer later4 ,what ,wooing ,consists ,of4--,from the standpoint of either sex1 wooing superficially consists of only one thing3 conquest of the woman or man pursued1 the gaining of the ultimate favor1 if the woman be pursued1 with or without marriage1 and the gaining of marriage1 if the man is the pursued4 ,if wooing is regarded in this light1 it is possible that the pursuit is always limited1 if not erroneous4 ,for the matter of conquest is not the ultimate one in wooing and mating4 ,the proper purpose of wooing is to choose and win the right mate4 ,the matter of choosing brings up the second and far more important element of wooing1 which might be described as education in the opposite sex4 ,society today makes no adequate provision for practical laboratory education in the characteristics of the opposite sex3 a wiser civilization will supply ample facilities for this indispensable part of human education4 ,the man comes to adolescence without any knowledge of woman1 beyond his slight information concerning his mother and his sisters1 if he has any1 and casual contacts with other girls and women4 ,the girl comes to adolescence as ill-informed4 ,yet soon thereafter man and girl are called upon to enter1 without preliminary training1 the game or gamble of securing a life mate1 who will lift them up or drag them down thereafter1 in all of their efforts4 ,socially this is a crime4 ,the only thing that can partially supply the lack of information1 today1 is the wooing period4 ,for1 after marriage1 it is difficult to end the relationship2 and1 before marriage1 if the parties learn they are ill-suited1 intelligent men and women still have a dignified chance to break off the unwise mating before it solidifies into the chains of marriage4 ,keep in mind1 then1 that the wooing period is primarily a time for learning about the other sex1 and its traits and eccentricities4 ,the young man or woman in love should study the subject1 from books and from living teachers1 as amply as possible3 and should observe other men and women1 unmarried and married1 with eyes as clear as he or she can make them4 ,if the wooing is regarded as an education in love1 and especially in the person wooed1 its value will be doubled4 ,,ii ,,whom ,,to ,,woo ,physical ,mates4--,the lowest form of mating is that on the exclusively physical plane4 ,yet this is perhaps the most important aspect of all4 ,if lovers are not physically pleasing and satisfactory to each other1 all the financial and other inducements are worthless4 ,the first problem concerns the respective ages of the parties4 ,should they be of the same ages8 ,if not1 which should be older8 ,on this point1 ,shakespeare says3 ,let still the woman take ,an elder than herself2 so wears she to him1 ,so sways she level in her husband's heart4 ,for1 boy1 however we do praise ourselves1 ,our fancies are more giddy and inform1 ,more longing1 wavering1 sooner lost and won1 ,than woman's are4 ,the woman matures earlier2 so the younger woman is the normal equivalent1 especially physically1 of the man a few years older4 ,this is all right for the time of the mating3 but thereafter the man overcomes the woman's lead1 and soon surpasses her2 and when1 at her change of life1 she has largely finished her physical function of love-making1 the man is still equipped as a wooer and lover4 ,on the other side of the same question1 the same poet wrote3 ,crabbed ,age and ,youth ,cannot live together3 ,youth is full or pleasance1 ,age is full of care2 ,youth like summer morn1 ,age like winter weather1 ,youth like summer brave1 ,age like winter bare3 ,youth is full of sport1 ,age's breath is short1 ,youth is nimble1 ,age is lame2 ,youth is hot and bold1 ,age is weak and cold1 ,youth is wild1 and ,age is tame3-- ,age1 ,i do abhor thee1 ,youth1 ,i do adore thee2 ,o6 my ,love1 my ,love is young6 ,age1 ,i do defy thee-- ,o sweet shepherd1 hie thee1 ,for methinks thou stay'st too long4 ,this is worth quoting in full to drive home1 in the concentrated phrasing of a master1 the extreme differences between youth and age4 ,when an elderly well-to-do man marries a young and lovely girl1 as often happens1 this may apply2 and when a young man marries a woman old enough to be his mother1 this may also apply4 ,and yet1 each one's problems of the choice of a mate is an individual problem3 no general rules may be laid down4 ,the man's first vague ideal of the woman he wishes to love is made to imitate largely1 in normal cases1 his mother2 the girl's1 her father4 ,if this first ideal impression persists with great strength thereafter1 youth will be happy only with age4 ,if1 in the more normal case1 youth desires youth finally1 then the invaluable courtship period should have taught this lesson3 the young man or woman turns from the intended older mate1 and the evil is corrected before it is too late4 ,the person fully experienced in love will have experimented in courtship with people of various ages1 to find where the ideal lies4 ,too much experimentation1 of course1 rubs off something of the bloom1 but if enlightenment follows this rubbing off of the bloom1 the thing is worthwhile4 ,as to dispositions1 again no general rule can be laid down4 ,biological science says those are most happily mated whose dispositions are opposite4 ,similarly1 biological science says that blonde should mate with brunette1 and tall with short3 it making no difference to science whether the man is the tall or short one1 or the woman the short or tall one4 ,biological science is true in generalities1 and does not pretend to solve individual cases and preferences4 ,the only recommendation is1 try the one you are first attracted to2 and1 if the period of courtship indicates a mistake has been made1 and that incompatibility comes from opposite temperaments1 or from the same temperaments1 try elsewhere4 ,when should one woo and marry8 ,are early or late marriages advisable8 ,here society's present financial arrangement comes in4 ,unless the man or woman is wealthy already--and few are--the man cannot afford to support a wife1 in professional or white-collared business life1 until he is from #be to #cj4 ,marriage on a very small income may work out successfully2 in the majority of cases1 it does not4 ,the girl who marries at eighteen has hardly had time to know her own mind yet3 there are arguments for waiting until she is #bb to #be1 or even older4 ,if the man or woman matures slowly1 this is reason for later mating4 ,the danger in late matings is that the man and woman have grown more fixed and rigid in minor matters3 more crotchety1 more old-maidish or old-mannish4 ,the young are more adaptable4 ,all of these things must be weighed4 ,in general1 courtship should begin soon after adolescence1 and the mating should be entered upon as soon as the young man and young woman feel that they are completely unhappy unless living together4 ,health is an important matter4 ,some states require a health certificate from both man and woman2 and this is a wise precaution4 ,the man or woman venereally infected should not be permitted to marry1 until medical science gives a clean bill of health4 ,if a man marries a sickly and ailing woman1 who will become an invalid1 he is bound down to an excessive and unpleasing load for life4 ,on the other hand1 marriage may end the woman's invalidism1 which may have been assumed subconsciously as a protection against being overworked at home1 or which may be a case of physical warping caused by non-expression of the love energy4 ,if the woman marries an invalid man1 unless she wishes to support him for life1 more unhappiness will follow4 ,samuel ,butler1 in ,erewhon1 calls disease a crime2 and crime1 a mere disease1 to be cured by doctors4 ,for ill health1 punishment should follow4 ,this attitude1 revolutionary in a high degree1 is in the main sound4 ,except in rare cases1 only the physically sound should mate4 ,during the courtship1 this should be gone into carefully4 ,from the physical standpoint1 a man should woo that woman or those women who attract him physically4 ,the wooing period will indicate whether any one woman is congenial and increasingly desirable4 ,no one but a congenial woman who is increasingly desirable should be permanently mated with4 ,the girl should be guided by the same principle of choice4 ,mental ,mates4--,the former conception was that the man was supposed to be the intellectual one1 by training1 and by contact with the broadening influences of his work1 and of the world of men2 and that the woman should be an intellectual weakling1 tending toward imbecility4 ,in the ,oriental world1 with its harems and harem favorites1 this is at times the situation achieved4 ,such a method deprives love and mating of its chief glory3 the intellectual companionship of congenial spirits4 ,woman is no longer forbidden an education4 ,elementary education is generally hers1 required by law2 she may have a college training1 or its equivalent2 and1 in general1 in life thereafter1 if left with time on her hands at home1 she is more literate1 in the world of books and ideas1 than the man2 although she may have had less personal contact with large groups of minds1 such as a man encounters in his business and social connections4 ,the balance1 for the ideal mating1 should swing closer4 ,a woman is the gainer by practical experience at working1 so that she may realize from the standpoint of the earner the value of a dollar1 and not measure it merely from the standpoint of the spender4 ,a man once locked his business cares up when he left the office1 and never brought them home2 or1 if he brought them home1 brought them merely as complaints1 unintelligible to his wife4 ,the ideal mating is where the man and woman are equally interested and intelligent in the business welfare1 and are1 in effect1 partners1 as they must be in results4 ,this state can rarely be entirely reached4 ,but if1 during the courtship1 the girl turns out to be a chatter-tongued and scatter-brained little fool1 this is a danger signal to the man1 to get out while the getting is good4 ,the girl who raves over the movies1 dances like a feather1 and thinks like one1 is not likely to be a fit mate or mother to the man's children4 ,the man who turns out to be merely a would-be sheik1 with no ideas above professional baseball or spending all he has made in a week in one night1 is hardly to be chosen as a permanent mate4 ,unless such a pair woo and win each other3 which makes two other people happy1 who might have won these lemons and been unhappy thereafter4 ,courtship is the great testing time1 to see whether the two concerned are congenial mentally1 and whether they apparently have similar capacities of mental growth4 ,social ,mates4--,should a girl marry only a man well able to support her8 ,should a man marry only a girl who is well off financially8 ,these questions would be absurd1 if current standards of society did not let them largely dictate many of the most unhappy marriages among us4 ,one should marry for love1 primarily and almost entirely4 ,the purpose of mating is to increase one's happiness3 love cannot be bought1 and the thing called bought love cannot increase happiness4 ,love in poverty has a harder row to hoe than love in comparative opulence3 but love in poverty is immeasurably better than sham love in opulence1 which grows soon enough to hatred in opulence4 ,let physical attractiveness1 plus mental congeniality1 be the touchstones during the wooing period4 ,the money will somehow come to those who are not utterly spiritual weaklings1 and who present a loving and united front to the world4 ,they may never be well off3 but they will win more of the goal of mating and life1 which is happiness1 than well-to-do haters of their mates4 ,the matter of social position is similar4 ,the chance of happiness in marriage today is not great when all advantages are in favor of the mating parties4 ,when to this is added a distinct difference in social standing1 this makes the problem harder of solution4 ,let this fact1 when ascertained1 put you on your guard4 ,but1 at the same time1 it is only one fact among many to be weighed2 and1 if the physical and mental attractions are strong enough1 they should overweigh any inequality in rearing and background4 ,of all errors achieved in mating1 perhaps marrying to reform a man is the worst4 ,if a man cannot overcome his pet vices during the courting period1 when he is free to fight the battle out within himself1 it is almost a sure bet he will not alter after marriage4 ,even if he temporarily ends the faults or vices during the courting1 he may slump later4 ,reforming a man 7or a girl either7 is a tremendous gamble4 ,if you choose to gamble with your life1 and enjoy the risk1 that is an excellent reason for going ahead with it4 ,but the more normal human beings will leave reformation to the person concerned1 and marry for other and sounder reasons4 ,special ,problems4--,should a man be married who has sowed his wild oats8 ,or should a girl insist upon the man's coming to the mating pure8 ,should a girl be married who has sowed her wild oats8 ,or should a man insist upon her coming to the mating pure8 ,the average answer is that the man is the gainer by the sowing of wild oats2 and that the girl is ruined by the practice4 ,needless to say1 this angle of judgment is all wrong4 ,if the sowing of wild oats consists in mere amorous experience with other women1 or in this coupled with drinking1 even to the point of moderate drunkenness1 and gambling on a scale not too large1 the man is not injured for marriage by these4 ,nor is the girl injured in the slightest4 ,the object of life is to achieve happiness4 ,the chief method of gaining this is by experiencing the world4 ,love experience is no more harmful 7unless pregnancy results7 than experience in sampling different food menus4 ,if disease has come1 that is a matter for the doctors to pass upon1 and the discussion of health above covers it4 ,if the girl has had an illegitimate child1 society's ban is so strong that the case is altered somewhat4 ,this is a factor to be weighed by both parties3 it does not of necessity make the girl any the less fit as a mate1 than the man would be if he had had an illegitimate child by another woman4 ,in general1 the man is better off for having sowed some wild oats before marriage3 he is less liable to plow a field of post-marital wild oats4 ,the same is true1 although in a slightly less degree1 of the girl4 ,the only difference is caused by the weight of social standards upon the two sexes today4 ,should a bashful man or woman woo or be wooed8 ,bashfulness is in no wise discreditable2 it is in general a nervous trait which may be remedied4 ,it comes in general from a want of self-confidence4 ,in general1 the bashful continue plugging away in humble self-effacement2 and1 at times1 suddenly burst forth with an achievement far ahead of that of the brassiest individual1 self-confident from birth4 ,the cure for bashfulness is contact with crowds1 which brings sooner or later the realization that you are not inferior in the slightest to the run of humanity1 and are superior to many of your associates4 ,something of the ,cou method--repeating to yourself1 without intentional compulsion1 8,i am important1 ,i believe in myself10 might help4 ,luckily for the bashful1 they ordinarily attract the opposite temperament4 ,if the husband of the bashful woman does not make fun of her peculiarity1 but sympathetically brings her out1 and if the wife of the bashful man does the same1 the effort becomes more than twice as successful4 ,in general1 the bashful make mates as satisfactory1 or more satisfactory1 than the self-confident4 ,is love at first sight a possibility8 ,of course1 and a frequent one4 ,the normal man falls in love1 at first sight1 with every attractive woman he sees4 ,if this is an error1 take it as a confession4 ,many a woman falls in love at first sight with a man who satisfies her ideal1 hitherto unrealized4 ,if both feel the emotion simultaneously1 we have the perfect case4 ,the subsequent wooing will indicate whether this is enduring love1 or an illusion4 ,should a man or woman woo several persons at once8 ,in general1 especially in the earlier stages of the wooing1 this is an advantage4 ,if you wish to buy a jewel1 you are wise if you examine several1 before making your final choice4 ,the same applies to wooing for a mate4 ,we say at once1 because successive wooing permits choice really only of some subsequent love object2 whereas the first may be1 after all1 the most suited4 ,wooing should be done in honesty2 so the element of deception of the parties concerned should not ordinarily be used4 ,this is not because it is ethically wrong1 but because1 if found out1 unpleasant consequences may ensue4 ,but1 in general1 the wider the choice1 the more satisfactory the mating that follows4 ,people who marry the first woman or man they are infatuated with are seldom well mated4 ,since trial wooings are socially accepted1 they should be taken advantage of4 ,we can now proceed to the technique of wooing4 ,,iii ,,how ,a ,,man ,,woos ,whom to ,woo4--,the first thing to emphasize is that you are wooing the girl1 and not her father1 her mother1 her aunts1 or her family in general4 ,since the objects of the wooing are 7#a7 to learn whether the girl is congenial1 and 7#b7 to persuade her that you are congenial1 and should be accepted1 you will find that the second object is achieved best by making yourself attractive to her4 ,in cases where she cares for the opinion of her mother1 or father1 or family1 it is the part of wisdom to court1 within reason1 the family as well4 ,but the main thing is to woo the girl4 ,the girl must be willing to be wooed1 sooner or later1 or you had best cease your efforts4 ,in normal cases1 she will not object from the start4 ,if she objects1 because she is interested in someone else1 or thinks she does not care to be made love to or to marry1 or because she thinks there is some personal reason why you are distasteful1 your first task is to continue courteously in your suit1 until you test out whether or not you can remove this preliminary bar4 ,if she is interested in some one else1 this becomes the old conflict between males for the female's favor3 and you will use the methods indicated hereafter4 ,if she professes to be entirely uninterested in love and mating1 unless she is abnormal fundamentally this is easy to overcome4 ,lay aside your obvious wooing1 interest yourself in whatever she is interested in1 and qualify as a friend and companion in her own interests4 ,she will soon1 if she is normal1 recognize the great value of your companionship1 and from this love should speedily grow4 ,if the objection is that she finds some trait in the man that is distasteful to her1 this dislike must be overcome4 ,perhaps the objection is to some mannerism of the man's1 some error of speech1 or some habit which may be altered by him4 ,in such cases1 if he desires to win the girl's favor1 he must either change the trait1 or convince her that she does not really object to it4 ,of course1 her very objection may be an education to the young man1 both as to her nature1 and as to how others look upon his actions4 ,if1 for objection1 she objects to his friendship with a certain man1 or to his going to baseball games1 he may1 after studying out the matter1 decide that the girl is too narrow in her ideas to be his desired mate4 ,he should1 of course1 first try to educate her attitude toward an acceptance of his trait2 but1 if he fails1 the world is full of girls1 and he may find much more happiness elsewhere4 ,suppose her objection is to some error of speech that the man constantly commits4 ,in this case1 his task is to correct it1 not only to please the girl1 but because her objection has given him an insight into how other people regard the mistake which he may have always heard made and made himself1 without exciting comment4 ,six months ago1 a girl whom ,i know met a young man1 of good family1 fairly well-to-do1 fairly educated 7a couple of college degrees1 ,i think71 and a man who had traveled rather extensively in ,europe and ,south ,america4 ,he played a good hand of bridge1 was interested in the same artistic things that the girl was1 and was smitten with her from the first4 ,after playing around with him for a couple of months1 she refused to see him thereafter1 except in a large party2 and absolutely refused to let him court her further4 ,the reason can be gathered from this typical specimen of his conversation4 8,i was at the club1 see8 ,a lot of the fellows were there1 see8 ,and we decided to shoot a little bridge1 see8 ,on the very first hand1 see8 ,i had four honors in diamonds1 and ,i bid two diamonds1 see80 ,tactfully the girl had pointed out that the constantly reiterated 8see0 just was not done by literate people4 ,the man could not or would not change it3 and yet that small irksome trait was what cost him the girl he wanted4 ,in more usual cases1 however1 the girl is willing to be wooed from the start4 ,then your task is easier4 ,object and ,methods of ,wooing4--,the object of wooing1 in addition to its value as education in the opposite sex1 is to win the regard of the other person1 if you continue to desire her1 and to win her consent to the mating4 ,what is the practical method of doing this8 ,the easy and only wholly satisfactory way is to make yourself attractive to the girl1 so that you become indispensable to her happiness1 her enjoyment of any experience1 and her contented living4 ,let it be repeated1 that the man must stand high in the girl's eyes1 to give the mating a chance for success4 ,if the girl takes a man as a last chance1 because she fears she can get no other suitor1 the chance for happiness is lessened3 if at any time later she meets a more attractive man who persuades her that he would have proposed1 if she had waited1 regret and dissatisfaction may set in1 and the whole love and marriage relationship may be curdled4 ,when a man singles out a girl for his attention1 he cannot avoid transplanting the situation back to the old savage days1 when the male preened and strutted before the female1 anxious for her approval4 ,what are some of the obvious ways to win her approval1 which at times are neglected so disastrously that the man's chances end at once8 ,notice the man's difficult task3 to look at himself with the girl's eyes1 and furnish her with an increasingly attractive picture of himself4 ,some genius uttered the brilliant half truth that love is blind4 ,luckily for all of us1 this is largely true4 ,but a girl's parents and relatives1 friends1 and rival suitors1 will obligingly lend their eyes as glasses to her3 and the man may expect to find what faults he has magnified almost out of recognition4 ,what1 then1 from the girls' standpoint1 will she look for in the man8 ,first of all1 girls are by nature neater than men4 ,girls will allow much latitude to a man for carelessness in attire4 ,but the man who neglects such simple toilet matters as the care of his nails1 and presents himself with a black rim under them2 who lets his shirts and collars remain in service till they are sooty2 whose shoes are unnecessarily unpolished1 on occasions when she may expect to be judged by other eyes from the standpoint of her escort1--such a neglectful man may as well know that any one of these things may damn him more in the eyes of the girl than if he had committed murder4 ,secondly1 a girl will judge the man by how she thinks he will look in the eyes of her friends and associates4 ,if the man is slightly ungrammatical1 and so are she and her friends1 this makes no difference4 ,but1 if she has more booklearning than he1 and if her friends are critical in this regard1 and regard themselves as at all highbrowish1 the man must make it his job to grow up to her literate standards4 8,i don't like that there show10 8them sort of pictures10 8moving pitchers10 8,i ought to of went10 and all the rest of the verbal atrocities that the ungrammatical blunder into1 must be corrected4 ,winning and keeping a girl's regard must be regarded as seriously as getting ahead in business4 ,wooing thus includes a course in self-improvement1 along every line4 ,it will do no harm to obtain a book of handy helps in grammar1 in etiquette1 and the like4 ,don't eat peas with your knife1 or wear a red tie with a dinner jacket3 unless the girl prefers it4 ,in that case1 the advice is the reverse3 study the proper mistakes to make4 ,later on1 you can gradually lead the girl toward improving herself4 ,make yourself attractive in every way in the eyes of the girl1 and of the relatives or friends on whose judgment she relies4 ,the moral qualities go along with this4 ,the normal girl will prefer a man who stands well in men's eyes3 that is1 who has the reputation of a he-man1 equipped with at least an average amount of human courage4 ,as a matter of fact1 if the last sentence were truer1 it would be better for girls4 ,a large number of them1 unfortunately1 prefer instead the man whom women like1 and men dislike3 the parlor lizard type1 the afternoon tea snake specimen1 the namby-pamby woman-pleaser who never makes a success of anything in life except wooing women4 ,there is a thrill1 beyond doubt1 in being wooed and kissed by such a man3 there is much unhappiness in a continuing relationship with him4 ,having made yourself attractive1 the next thing is to make yourself important and indispensable in the girl's eyes4 ,if the girl is sensible1 a display of sensible ideas on matters of life will aid2 if she is frivolous minded1 a display of a frivolous1 spendthrift nature is more shrewd4 ,do the things she expects of you3 date her up as often as she desires--it may take all of your shrewdness to ascertain the fact1 too4 ,take her1 not essentially where you want to1 but where she wants to go4 ,if you adore boxing matches1 and she prefers ,coney ,island and art museums1 postpone the boxing matches and take in the others4 ,if you like good music1 and she cares only for the movies and baseball1 first make up your mind whether you want to continue to woo her2 and1 if you do1 especially at first1 take her where she wants to go1 and only slowly and tactfully sprinkle in with the cinema thrills and the paid athletics a small dose of ,brahms and ,beethoven4 ,do what she expects of you3 and always do a little more4 ,that is1 do the unexpected thoughtful little things4 ,find out her favorite foods1 chewing gums1 cigarettes1 people1 amusements2 and go out of your way to provide her with these4 ,if you like chewy chocolates1 and she detests candy and adores pickles1 do not provide her with an elegant two pound box of chewy chocolates4 ,don't be like the married man who presents his timid old-fashioned wife with a box of cigars for ,christmas1 and then smokes them himself4 ,be more courteous and thoughtful to her in public that she has a right to expect4 ,this advice is sound1 unless the girl is of the rare clinging vine type who wants a man to bang her around in alleged he-man style4 ,if that is what she wants1 give her all the banging she can stand4 ,make your motto1 8,we ,strive to ,please0--and do more than strive4 ,you will want1 and she will expect1 some physical love from the start4 ,among different strata of society1 customs as to kissing and caressing differ4 ,never give the girl less than she expects4 ,after you have found out that she likes to be kissed1 you will disappoint her permanently if you give her the sort of kiss you would give dear old ,aunt ,tabbie1 aged ninety-eight in the shade4 ,yet remember to think of her wishes primarily3 don't give her the sort of kisses you want first1 but the kind that she wants4 ,your artistry will come in subtly leading her to want things that you want4 ,and1 once a woman is generally satisfied with a wooer1 and wants his approval1 she moves swiftly to the place where she wants to please her lover in every way4 ,then the desires coincide3 and the man can read his own wishes1 and know them for the girl's as well4 ,problems of ,wooing4--,the man should find out what he wants from the girl--whether a mere flirtation1 a temporary mating1 or a permanent one--and adapt his technique to gaining his goal4 ,for instance1 in the question of letters4 ,he should do his best to satisfy a girl's craving for love letters1 if separations occur4 ,in all probability1 he cannot satisfy her desires here3 what she really wants is his presence1 and a thousand-page letter does not give the thrill of that4 ,ordinarily it is not the best tactics to spill over endlessly in a love letter3 a chatty1 companionable letter1 with artistically worded love phrases that hint a vast withheld reservoir of love1 is better as a rule than pages of sugary sentimentality4 ,except at the very first1 when all rules of sanity are laid aside4 ,and yet1 recall that1 if you desire subsequently to retire from the courtship1 love letters may be very embarrassing4 ,try to phrase your letters so that they mean everything to the girl1 and nothing to the outside world1 which may have the pleasure of reading them in newspaper columns featuring a breach of promise case4 ,it is well to keep this possibility in mind from the start4 ,don't store up trouble for yourself in this fashion4 ,be cryptic and allusive1 leaving more than half for the girl to read between the lines4 ,it may save you trouble in the long run4 ,as for wooing and proposing by proxy1 even the most bashful person had just as well learn that it is suicidal4 ,the proxy brings a message to the girl that should come from the beloved man3 insensibly her emotion goes out to the bearer of the message4 ,captain ,miles ,standish sent ,john ,alden to woo ,priscilla for him1 and the maiden wisely said1 8,why don't you speak for yourself1 ,john80 ,king ,edgar's trusted courier wrote the king that the maiden he desired to wed was ugly and wholly unattractive1 and then proceeded to marry her himself for her beauty1 for which the king later lopped off the man's head4 ,wooing by proxy is much worse than not wooing at all4 ,as for quarrels1 the more experienced wooer will have few or none of them4 ,beginners in love will insensibly drift into them4 ,now quarrels have no place in most real loves3 they are a sign of some concealed dislike or aversion1 which may take a more virulent and costly form after the wooing has been made irrevocable1 or comparatively so1 by marriage4 ,if the quarrel can be easily patched up1 well and good2 but if quarrels constantly come1 it is a bad omen4 ,the only exception is where both man and girl enjoy a quarrel more than peace1 and mate in order to have a mate to quarrel with for life4 ,this is abnormal2 and1 if you are a normal man or girl1 understand that quarrels1 especially if they are usually over trifles1 are a good warning to break off the courtship and look elsewhere4 ,the ,proposal1 and ,after4--,no sensible girl today wants the man to propose to her father1 or her parents1 before he proposes to her4 ,after all1 he is not marrying the father1 or the parents2 he is marrying the girl4 ,the father or parents are consulted after the plans are made1 for ratification and aid3 the goal is the mutual consent of the lovers4 ,again1 customs as to the seriousness with which proposals are regarded differ strikingly in certain localities and at certain seasons4 ,in the ,south1 from which ,i came1 a girl is proposed to almost as easily as she is asked for a dance2 she becomes engaged as casually as she accepts a drink of water1 and breaks it off whenever the mood strikes her4 ,during college days and the girl's early debutante days1 she may be 8engaged0 to several or half a dozen men at a time4 ,in the ,north1 the custom is ordinarily different4 ,again1 there are seasonal variations3 young couples who meet at a summering place may become engaged for their mutual pleasure during the summer1 with no intention of ever seeing each other when they return to their regular homes in the autumn4 ,all of these things must be taken into account4 ,don't study a book of etiquette as to how to propose4 ,the more stilted and formal a proposal is1 the easier it is for the girl to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation4 ,real lovers know1 without the words having been said1 that their equivalent in deeds has been achieved4 ,even a slang proposal1 8,well1 honey1 shall we hit it off together80 may be far more effective than 8,may ,i have the honor of making you my wife80 ,be natural in this1 unless you have ascertained that the girl desires the frills4 ,in that case1 give her what she desires4 ,the acceptance may be given with a kiss1 or with mere words4 ,more usually1 the girl will ask for time to consider the matter4 ,if she means yes by this1 proceed to make that clear to her4 ,if not1 keep after her until you win the acceptance1 or her friendly refusal4 ,it is not hard to read from a girl's refusal whether she means a real objection1 or merely a delay4 ,if you really desire her1 she will be flattered by your continuing to woo her1 and to make yourself more and more attractive in her eyes4 ,in any case1 if she is worthy at all1 she will word her rejection so as never to wound the man unnecessarily4 ,if the parties are suitable as mates1 a rejection alters soon enough to an acceptance4 ,courtship ,after ,marriage4--,how to ,love 7,little ,blue ,book ,no4 #ih7 takes up the problem of how to act after the mate has been won4 ,it may be briefly summarized here thus3 the real lover1 man or woman1 continues the courtship as long as the mating lasts4 ,all that has been said about making oneself attractive in the eyes of the other1 applies with especial force to this wooing after marriage4 ,do your best to make a success of the mating2 if your efforts fail1 and a separation or divorce is necessary1 you can never reproach yourself afterwards with the accusation that you did not try your best4 ,as for courtship of other women after marriage1 or a woman's courtship of other men after marriage1 both of these are known2 and1 in our present organization of society1 are natural4 ,the man who is by nature promiscuous1 or the woman who has the same nature1 for his or her happiness will be as faithful as possible4 ,if love comes toward another woman or man1 the lover will come to it with more artistry and more experience than in the earlier attempts2 and the technique of wooing should be correspondingly improved4 ,,iv ,,how ,a ,,woman ,,woos ,fancy ,flirtations4--,most textbooks on wooing and courtship devote their space allotted to woman's wooing to such absurd devices as flirtation by parasol1 fan1 glove1 handkerchief1 dining table signals1 window flirtation1 and flower flirtation4 ,the number of people who read such silly books is limited2 the number among these who remember what they have read is far smaller2 and perhaps no men are included in the latter number4 ,thus no man will understand what your signals mean4 ,a few of the choice instructions given are as follows3 ,parasol ,flirtations ,carrying it elevated in left hand--,desiring acquaintance4 ,carrying it closed in left hand--,meet on the first crossing4 ,carrying it closed in right hand by the side--,follow me4 ,closing it up--,i want to speak to you1 love4 ,swinging to and fro on the handle1 on right side--,i am married4 ,with handle to lips--,kiss me4 ,the trouble is1 all women must carry their parasols somehow1 and in more than nine cases out of ten1 they have no faintest dream of these so-called signals4 ,if you ignore them1 and they are intended1 you insult the lady2 if you act on them--as1 for instance1 stepping up and kissing a stranger who has nervously brought the handle of her parasol to her lips--you are liable to be fined #gej in ,pennsylvania1 #b1ejj in ,new ,york ,state1 and the vast sum of #a4ae in ,new ,jersey4 ,this whole procedure is a bit too dumb even for ,rotary ,club members and old maid school teachers1 the two classes who seem to know least about life4 ,now for the fan3 ,fan ,flirtations ,drawing across the forehead--,we are watched4 ,fanning fast--,i am engaged4 ,open and shut--,you are cruel4 ,dropping--,we will be friends4 ,it fills space in the books1 but don't try to follow it1 unless you wish to get the most unpleasant surprise of your career4 ,we learn that a girl who drops both gloves means thereby 8,i love you02 that the right hand with the naked thumb exposed means 8,kiss me10 and so interminably on4 ,so anything done with the handkerchief is supposed to mean some tender message4 ,there are #ba tender messages conveyed with napkin1 knife1 fork1 spoon1 and cup2 there are #dj tender signals conveyed by finger signals through a window1 perhaps the dumbest being3 ,closing hand to the eye1 a la telescope--,i would see you4 ,or take the elaborate language of flowers4 ,if a man sends a girl white roses1 quite a possible gift if they are the most attractive things in the florist's shop1 his message1 also is1 8,i am too young to marry yet06 ,if he presents her with tansy1 one of the loveliest of the daisy family1 his message is 8,i declare war against you40 ,the books omit a few of the more useful flowers and vegetables1 so we add them here as a supplement1 urging that they be tried out at least4 ,send your girl one of the following 7or send it to your man71 with the meaning indicated3 ,chrysanthemum--,i prefer ,norma ,talmadge to kissing at ,coney ,island4 ,cauliflower--,my sister is married to a retired butcher with a cork leg4 ,onion--,you will weep if you don't marry me4 ,japanese ,persimmon--,kiss me1 my lips are ripe4 ,apple--,i'll be your ,eve1 if you care1 ,adam4 ,wild ,leek--,please 'phone the plumber for mother4 ,having carefully memorized this list1 proceed to forget it1 and go ahead and woo naturally without it4 ,judging ,men4--,in general1 men have a fairly easy time in judging the girls they go with4 ,for1 common opinion to the contrary notwithstanding1 a man is more secretive and shrewder in hiding his faults than a woman4 ,a girl who is sparing in her use of paint and cosmetics ordinarily is sensible and fit to be a mate4 ,a girl who over-rouges and over-paints is one of two things3 either typically 8fast0 or an imitator of her favorite movie heroine4 ,either may make a good mate4 ,in either case1 the progress of the wooing will soon teach the man whether the girl has any conception of happy mating1 or is only a parasite who wants to be decked in fine feathers and princessed through life1 with the man paying the bills4 ,when a girl comes to judge a man1 her task is harder4 ,the man who is liked by other men is1 in most cases1 to be preferred to the man who is despised by men1 and adored by vapid women4 ,there is a class of women who are mere men-hunters1 ranging from the out-and-out gold-digger1 who sells her charms as shrewdly as she can for outright gifts amounting to support--and who may remain1 in the eyes of society1 a 8good girl0 in spite of it--to the girl who protests vehemently that she despises the gold-digger1 yet spends all her energies in securing men to take her to dinner and the theater1 and to give her gifts sufficient for her support1 or at least sufficient to give her the luxuries she would not otherwise get4 ,these parasitic or sponging women are to be avoided1 except by the man who wants them frankly1 being willing to pay the price for the temporary stimulus of their company4 ,there is a far larger class of men who prey on women4 ,these men are the vestiges of the social system that is already dying--the system of the double standard of morals for men and women1 by which a man was allowed to sow as extensive a crop of wild oats as he could1 with social sanction2 and by which the woman who strayed a trifle from the narrow path of rectitude was thereafter regarded as a 8fallen woman10 and any man's legitimate prey4 ,to such men1 women are the goal of man's predatory instincts4 ,it was a man's imperative to seek out innocent girls1 and seduce as many of them as possible1 taking no thought for their welfare1 and caring only to shield himself4 ,the girl who resisted the seductions 7and she was equipped for resistance only with an intense and abiding ignorance of all things concerning sex life7 was qualified to be a man's wife2 the other1 the girl who was deceived by glib promises and a suave exterior into a surrender of her body1 and the girl who was willing to experiment with love1 were henceforth regarded as fallen women1 and were disqualified as permanent mates4 ,such men exist today3 the general class of traveling salesman1 not quite fairly1 is taken as an example of such men of prey4 ,needless to say1 the girl's task is to ascertain at once if her would-be suitor belongs to this class4 ,if he does1 she must decide whether or not she wishes to play with such unworthy fire4 ,it is a safe gamble that1 if she gets him to the point of marrying1 with any intention of reforming him1 she will fail in the last undertaking by a tremendous margin4 ,if she wants the experience of being seduced1 she may go ahead and undergo it1 for the man will be found willing4 ,and modern standards of judgment hold that the girl who has sowed her wild oats is no more 8fallen0 than the man who has sowed his wild oats4 ,society is only slowly accepting this point of view2 but as more and more women become wage-earners1 as managers and owners of businesses1 as office workers and store workers1 they are reaching the point where they can buy their will of the world1 and insist that their wild oats be judged no more harshly than a man's4 ,the girl supported by others1 as the girl living at home1 cannot afford to run such risks4 ,furthermore1 even the working girl has to face blackmail from the seducer1 the possible loss of her job1 and the unpleasantnesses and expense of bearing an illegitimate child4 ,but if she understands matters of sex1 and desires to go ahead1 that is her business4 ,the more normal girl will regard such a man as the vestigial anachronism that he is1 and will promptly give him his walking papers4 ,she will confine her acceptance of courtship1 and her wooing itself1 to a man with more intelligence and a more modern outlook upon life4 ,should a girl woo1 when she is convinced that the man is worthy to be her mate8 ,there is no reason in the world why she should not4 ,her object is to make herself attractive to the man3 and this usually involves preserving a certain amount of dignity4 ,thus her wooing should1 as a rule1 be less obtrusive and more subtle than a man's4 ,but1 once having decided that she desires a man for a mate1 she should use every method of proving herself his invaluable companion--a campaign that the man should use in a similar situation4 ,a little tactful questioning on her part will soon discover where the man's ideals lie4 ,if he really wants a home-maker1 and she is willing to give this rather subservient role a trial1 she can emphasize her domestic capabilities1 cook him tasty dishes if there is an opportunity1 embroider his handkerchiefs1 and otherwise show that she fits into the role of his desired mate4 ,if he wants an intellectual companion primarily1 she can indicate that she qualifies in this respect4 ,in general1 there is a prejudice against a woman's taking the aggressive in the actual wooing1 and the final proposing4 ,this prejudice is dissolving4 ,wooing and mating should be matters of mutual choice3 and if1 for instance1 the man is the more backward and bashful of the two1 it is the duty of the girl to aid him over the difficult spot1 even to the extent of doing the proposing4 ,just so she preserves the role of being pleasing and attractive1 there is no limit to what she may ethically do4 ,this altering standard carries with it a change in the man's attitude4 ,there was once a so-called chivalrous attitude1 which would prevent a man's refusing a woman1 in such a situation4 ,now such chivalry is based upon a false assumption1 and tends to produce lifelong unhappiness1 rather than happiness4 ,after the preliminaries have been finished1 the course of the courtship and the mating should be marked by as high a degree of honesty and sincerity as is possible4 ,insincere chivalry is a wrecker of happiness4 ,if the man does not want to marry the girl1 it is his duty to say so1 just as sincerely as a girl would refuse1 if the roles were reversed4 ,he will1 of course1 phrase his rejection finally1 but at the same time so tactfully that the girl will not feel insulted4 ,in such cases1 a good way is to refuse on the ground that the man regards himself as unworthy3 a courteous insincerity which both will understand1 if the man makes it clear that his decision upon this ground is final4 8,nice0 ,girl or ,human ,being8--,the old-fashioned training of girls developed them into 8nice0 girls1 with ,victorian prejudices1 ignorant of everything essential to life4 ,the pendulum has swung to the other extreme3 the modern generation of petters and neckers1 who have the forefront of today's picture1 are the very reverse of this4 ,there are still enough girls today1 who have much of the old so-called 8niceness10 and hardly tend at all to the petting type4 ,many of them retain this finicky and meticulous niceness1 because they are assured1 by their dumb elders1 that this makes them more attractive in the eyes of men4 ,it does not4 ,unless you desire your man to continue to divide womankind into two classes--8nice0 women like his wife1 to whom he may not tell a clever risque story1 whom he will love physically only in a 8nice way02 and the other type of women1 to whom he probably will turn sooner or later1 and thereafter increasingly1 for the solid human comfort of utter physical mating--unless you wish your husband to share his physical love with less worthy and more human women1 you had best get over your 8niceness0 as soon as possible1 and graduate into the class of human beings4 ,here is a typical problem4 ,a young friend of mine was tremendously intrigued by an attractive young girl4 ,he told her censored versions of some of his favorite stories1 such as the story of the negro preacher who announced to his congregation3 8,breddren an' sistren1 ,i aim to take my text1 dis mawnin'1 from de text #8,de widder's mite4'0 ,as he paused impressively1 a deacon in the front row rose4 8,brudder1 dere's only one thing wrong wid dat text3 ,dey do60 ,this is a delightfully clever story1 with a subtle and inoffensive double meaning4 ,the girl put on her 8nicest0 expression1 and said1 with finicky distaste in her face1 8,how revolting60 ,when she had made the same response to all efforts on his part to interest her in matters which men regard as almost too mild for a laugh1 and which other girls of his acquaintance were highly amused at1 he came to the wise conclusion that this was not the girl for him4 ,he had no intention of being saddled for life with a girl whose attitude was 8,how revolting60 ,he ceased to pay attentions to her1 and soon found a much more admirable girl1 with whom he is at present happily married4 ,the 8,how revolting60 girl still thinks that her conduct was right2 that the man has lowered himself2 and will continue to delude herself so until she wastes into a vinegary old-maidhood4 ,if a girl has had a normal rearing1 she will not make the mistake of thinking that the ,puritans were right3 that bodies end at the neck and at the shoe-tops1 with nothing between1 and that ordinary human matters1 especially those touching the tabooed facts of life1 are never to be mentioned intimately between men and women4 ,no matter what the taboo before mating1 after mating the happy lovers speak with utter frankness to each other4 ,a certain amount of coarseness1 in its place1 is a splendid release for energy that would otherwise fester and warp1 and lead the lovers to seek satisfaction outside of the mating relationship4 ,and1 since this will come after mating in well-mated couples1 even before the mating an increasing frankness will mark the intercourse of an intelligent young man and young woman4 ,there is one other thing to be remembered by the girl1 both as wooer and as wooed4 ,courtship is an education in the opposite sex1 and in love3 and this education should not be superficial4 ,it is a common statement of doctors that engaged people as a rule know each other physically before the marriage4 ,i will take this up in the next chapter4 ,v ,,conduct ,,during ,,the ,,engagement ,conduct in ,public4--,an engagement is a pledge1 mutually given by two people1 that their courtship is to terminate in mating or marriage4 ,this is both a private and a public matter4 ,personal reasons may make it necessary to keep this secret1 at least for a time4 ,it is preferable1 from many standpoints1 that it be announced as soon as possible4 ,intimate friends1 at least1 should be let in on the secret4 ,whenever possible1 it should be made public4 ,for it affects other people1 and their conduct toward the engaged couple1 as well as the two themselves4 ,an engagement1 luckily for men and women1 is not irrevocable3 ,i will take up the breaking of engagements later4 ,but it should not be entered upon too casually4 ,this is especially true when1 for instance1 two men woo one girl4 ,if one man persuades her to decide in his favor and against the other man1 he should weigh more carefully than usual his proposal4 ,for1 if he gets her to surrender something tangible--the courtship of the other man--for his own courtship1 it is less fair to her thereafter to break the engagement4 ,she has actually surrendered something2 it may be impossible for her subsequently to accept the attentions of the other man1 who will not renew an offer once rejected4 ,a breakage in such cases should only be urged by the man1 when the happiness of both clearly demands it4 ,the matter of an engagement ring comes up1 as the conventional way of announcing to the world that the girl is engaged4 ,there is a decided feeling today against wedding rings1 originating as symbols of servitude2 and this extends1 among some girls1 to a dislike of engagement rings as well4 ,for all their jeweled state1 they represent a subjection1 a surrender of freedom to the other party4 ,the sting of the subjection is lessened1 if both man and woman wear wedding rings1 and both wear engagement rings4 ,yet there are men who are not willing to wear rings3 and1 if the girl objects1 it may be better for neither to wear them4 ,as to choice of ring1 the girl is wisest who makes sure that the young man does not exceed his legitimate income for spending1 in purchasing her a ring4 ,the object should not be to secure a ring slightly larger than any worn by her girl friends2 it should be to wear an attractive token of an inner affection4 ,there is no sense in going into love blindly1 even at this stage3 it is the girl's duty to find out what her fianc's financial prospects are1 and for him to find out hers4 ,since they propose to share financial life together1 there is no sense in even starting this blindly4 ,as to the ring1 it is true that it symbolizes a loss of freedom4 ,but it is also true that this loss of freedom is an actual thing4 ,parties to an engagement must of necessity surrender much1 when they decide to proceed with a courtship into a mating or marriage4 ,before the proposal is given and accepted1 the man and the girl as well have the whole world of women and men to choose from3 the proposal and its acceptance definitely mark a surrender of all the other possibilities1 in favor of this one4 ,when you scan a menu of desserts1 you can select pie1 ice cream1 pudding1 or many another choice4 ,the choice of one1 as a rule1 must mean the surrender of the right to choose any of the others4 ,this is1 as a rule1 as true of lovers as it is of desserts4 ,since1 then1 the loss of freedom is actual1 there is no great extrinsic objection to the custom of the wearing of rings by both4 ,the compensations for the loss of freedom should overbalance the surrender4 ,a man cannot forever balance in his mind the rival possibilities of settling in ,florida1 ,california1 ,chicago1 ,new ,york1 or some village3 he must sooner or later make up his mind1 choose one1 and do his best to make his life a success there4 ,it is so with love4 ,the engaged couple have given up the rest of the world as potential mates3 and they step at once1 and increasingly1 into the pleasure-garden of mated human love4 ,a mere choice of all the women in the world is not to be compared with the actual embrace of the one among these that you desire4 ,only the man or woman with an insatiable physical wanderlust will prefer the wandering to the arrival at the goal of love4 ,mating does not mean slavery to the other party3 it means1 as a rule1 exclusive physical love with one person1 but constant human intercourse with many more4 ,there is not even the slightest ethical offense in a girl's acceptance of attentions from other men1 which stop short of the erotic4 ,she can go to dances1 plays1 meals1 with them2 and a man can do the same with other girls4 ,life after mating will be monotonous enough1 in most cases3 if the engaged couple dance exclusively with each other1 the monotony may commence so soon that it will frighten the pair off from ultimate marriage4 ,as a rule1 other people incline to leave an engaged couple alone anyhow3 it will be up to the man and girl to encourage reasonable attentions from others4 ,this is theoretically sound3 but the element of human jealousy must be taken into account4 ,if either of the parties is excessively jealous1 since the lover's desire is to remain attractive in the eyes of the other lover1 there must be some compromise4 ,jealousy partakes of the nature of a malignant disease3 rooted in a normal desire to possess the loved one1 it may degenerate into an insanity that wrecks all happiness4 ,if the jealousy of the other party is increasingly extreme1 our advice is to end the relationship4 ,if the decision is to continue it1 compromises will have to come in3 and the girl or man will retain the right to go with other people1 only to the extent that the jealous one can be persuaded to permit4 ,this calls for all the tact and sympathy in the world4 ,in ,private4--,the conduct of engaged people in private must keep in mind the purpose of the engagement4 ,this is the great testing period of compatibility and mutual adaptability4 ,if both parties are not adaptable1 a heavier burden is laid upon the one who is4 ,if the burden of adjusting oneself to the whims1 caprices1 and crotchets of the other is too great1 there is still the chance to terminate the engagement4 ,and1 if neither party is adaptable1 there seems no other happy way out of the situation4 ,the chief problem confronting the engaged girl is to what extent she will experiment physically with love4 ,as stated1 many doctors say that most engaged couples1 before marriage1 have experienced love fully4 ,this is not an indictment1 but a statement of a fact4 ,there are strong arguments in its favor4 ,if a man and woman are not physically pleasing to one another1 the happiness of the marriage is doomed from the start4 ,if1 for instance1 one of the mates is sexually frigid1 and one passionate1 it is almost impossible for them to satisfy each other3 and the constant temptation will be present to try to find satisfaction outside of the mating relationship1 a temptation that is often yielded to1 at times to the wreckage of the relationship4 ,there is no way for people to know the physical nature of the other1 without physical experimentation4 ,the danger in the procedure is that the man may turn out to be a predatory male1 who becomes engaged to girl after girl for the mere pleasure of temporary enjoyment of her4 ,this is a danger that the girl must run2 and1 if she has made it her task to study the man's nature carefully1 she should know by now whether or not her intended mate is to be trusted4 ,there are many women who believe that1 if a man is once given the ultimate favor1 he at once regards the girl as cheapened in his eyes4 ,the consensus of intelligent opinion seems to be to the very other extreme3 that that many a girl has wrecked her chances for happiness1 by refusing to grant the ultimate favor4 ,only an abnormal man will habitually regard a woman who yields to him as cheapened4 ,as the time for the final mating draws near1 and the mutual desires rise toward their crest1 he may regard it as utterly unreasonable for the girl to withhold longer4 ,the man is usually the aggressor in such cases2 and1 if the woman is the aggressor1 she will have the same opinion of the man4 ,yet1 since there are risks on both sides of the matter1 it remains a subject on which the wise will give no advice1 but will leave it to the two concerned to work out their solution as wisely as they can1 with the facts spread out before them4 ,it is a matter concerning the private relations of the engaged couple1 when the attentions of outsiders pass the stage of the non-erotic1 and approach the erotic4 ,whether a man should be engaged to two or more girls1 and a woman to two or more men1 at the same time1 affects the parties concerned too intimately to be regarded as a matter of outsiders4 ,theoretically1 there is much to be said on both sides4 ,a real engagement--a definite pledge to marry--cannot coexist with an engagement to an outsider4 ,the laws do not permit polygamy in this country4 ,yet what are we to say of a provisional engagement1 where the parties merely assure each other that they think they will marry each other1 yet at the same time offer themselves to the world as engaged8 ,if such is the agreement1 there is less objection to concurrent engagements4 ,from the standpoint of education in sex1 there is something to be said for the idea4 ,common sense would favor it1 yet human nature runs counter to common sense too often to let us stop here4 ,it is better1 perhaps1 to let the concurrent courtships take place before the formal engagement2 and then let the choice1 for the time being at least1 be an exclusive choice4 ,if either party is attracted outside1 to the extent of believing that more happiness lies in the love of another1 the engagement may be broken1 and the other relationship commenced and tested4 ,termination of ,engagements4--,should an engagement be short1 or long8 ,what is the proper length1 for the happiness of the parties involved8 ,we have scriptural authority for the engagement lasting fourteen years3 the story of ,jacob can be stretched into this interpretation4 ,jacob1 who loved ,rachel1 agreed with her father to serve seven years for her4 ,frankly1 we have yet to meet the woman who is worth such a sacrifice2 and1 in this case1 at the end of the seven years ,jacob1 tricked by his prospective father-in-law1 found himself married to the elder sister ,leah1 instead of to his beloved4 ,accordingly1 he put in another seven years serving for ,rachel1 and1 fourteen years after his engagement started1 was wed to her4 ,especially in old-fashioned country districts1 long engagements are often known1 and laughed at4 ,there is the story of the countryman who courted a schoolmate for years--until1 in fact1 both had drifted from youth toward the end of middle age4 8,why don't you marry ,sarah80 he was asked4 8,marry her60 in surprise and dismay4 8,why1 if ,i got married1 where in tarnation could ,i go to spend my evenings80 ,long engagements are not wise4 ,if the two are separated by distance--if1 for instance1 the young man goes to the city to make his financial way1 so that marriage is possible--there is strong chance that either he or she will find a more suitable mate4 ,in such cases1 if the original engagement is carried out1 happiness is almost inevitable2 and the breaking of the engagement may bring unhappiness to at least one of the parties concerned4 ,if the girl and man remain in the same city1 they gradually grow old1 apart from each other4 ,their little tricks and idiosyncrasies1 which living together could have smoothed out1 become permanent--hardened into unbendable things4 ,they come to regard each other as matters of course1 without the exquisite physical thrill which love should mean4 ,they have1 in brief1 all of the discomfort and monotony of marriage without any of its joys4 ,too brief engagements are at times more dangerous4 ,this is especially true where the man and girl have not known each other before4 ,if they have been raised side by side1 there is small danger of being mated to a person who will turn out1 on closer acquaintance1 to be everything unworthy4 ,the wisest thing is to let the engagement last a month or longer1 and then1 if the mating is desired1 take the plunge even on a moderate income1 than risk the danger of letting the engagement become a tedious habit4 ,the normal termination of an engagement is marriage4 ,any book of etiquette will tell you the formal ways to accept the mad gamble of marriage1 with all of the frills of such service1 receptions1 honeymoons1 and the like4 ,the honeymoon1 it may be pointed out1 or the period in which the deluded man and woman try to live on love alone1 is one of the most cruel inventions ever made by man4 ,its almost invariable result 7unless it be merely a brief trip1 or a trip which the parties desired to take anyhow7 is to send them back to the city thoroughly bored and disgusted with each other1 and avid to interest themselves1 perhaps unduly1 in parties outside the mated relationship4 ,for those who do not like the antique pomp of the marriage in church1 there is always the simpler ceremony of being married by a justice of the peace1 mayor1 or alderman4 ,and there is1 luckily for men and women1 another termination possible1 and that is to break the engagement4 ,this should not be done without grave reason--but far more frequently than the actual breakings of engagements1 such a reason exists4 ,the problem simply is1 which is better3 to act wisely and terminate an unwise mating1 which would result in unhappiness1 at the cost of some slight temporary unhappiness2 or to enter upon a life-time of unhappiness1 or at best a long stretch of it1 breakable only by the costly and elaborate method of separation or divorce1 which may require the assumption by one party or the other of a guilt not actually earned4 ,where the case is so clear1 there should be no hesitation3 the engagement should be terminated1 the man accepting the blame out of a chivalrous insincerity socially understood1 and the parties parting1 if possible1 as friends4 ,if the matter is still uncertain1 better a postponement than a marriage1 which may be repented soon enough4 ,only a mating which will bring increasing happiness is wise1 for that is the object of life1 and of its playtime1 courtship4 ,,vi ,,famous ,,courtships ,courting by ,poetry4--,one of the invariable effects of the love emotion is to inspire1 in the amorous breast1 the delusion that the man or woman who is in love can write poetry4 ,most people can feel poetry1 but writing it is another story4 ,yet1 whenever any celebrated case of breach of promise comes up1 we have the poetic effusions of him and her published in the papers1 for the delectation of the multitude4 ,there is good propaganda in courting the lady of your heart1 or in replying to the man of your heart1 in the words of ,shelley or some other great lover--but your own words may not be as efficacious4 ,countless poetic first volumes 7and later ones1 too71 however1 are filled up with the overflow at wooing time1 and occasionally such books are books which the world would not willingly spare4 ,a favorite record of courtship by rhyme is ,lilies of the ,valley1 by ,percival ,w4 ,wells1 of ,wantagh1 ,new ,york4 ,could any woman resist strains like this3 ,life's just begun6 the flowing tide ,of love has stirred it into motion4 ,farewell to bachelorhood's calm pride1 ,and welcome1 love's intense emotion6 ,faulty as the rhyme may be1 the sentiment is flawless4 ,again1 ,put thy hand in mine1 and kiss me tenderly1 ,beautiful ,lilian1 fashioned so slenderly2 ,place a kiss upon my lips with thy dear lips so soft1 ,and do not stop with one1 but kiss me oft4 ,how magically the 8soft0 evokes its rhyming mate1 8oft40 8,soft10 which at times is applied to brains1 here refers to the lips4 ,but for the magic of rhyme1 could we have had the picture of 8,lilian0 in the last two words of this masterly confession8 ,i love thee1 ,o ,i love thee1 ,lily2 stay ,beside thy ,percival and with sweet kisses say ,that thou wilt always love him4 ,dearer than day ,art thou to me1 ,o ,lily--wanton fay6 ,yet a poet out of the ,village ,milton class1 say ,shakespeare1 might be a safer guide in your own ,muse flights4 ,shakespeare's plays are saturated with gorgeous examples of courtship4 ,othello's magical wooing of ,desdemona is one type4 ,here the simple warrior and conqueror used no method but the plain unadorned story of his deeds of daring4 ,the maiden's heart capitulated to his indirect siege at the first attack4 ,a different love is ,romeo's1 saturated with poetry3 ,alack1 there lies more peril in thine eye ,than twenty of their swords2 look thou but sweet1 ,and ,i am proof against their enmity4444 ,sleep dwell upon thine eyes1 peace in thy breast6 ,would ,i were sleep and peace1 so sweet to rest6 ,then there is the caveman-wooing of ,catherine the shrew by ,petruchio the roistering gallant--the most amusing courtship in ,shakespeare1 with the possible exception of his bluff ,english king1 who knows no ,french1 and his wooing of the spirited ,french princess1 who knows no ,english4 ,but love speaks a language of its own and even this bar did not keep the royal lovers from understanding each other4 ,there is the simple1 childlike wooing of ,ferdinand and ,miranda in ,the ,tempest1 and there is the passionate wooing--by the woman this time--of ,adonis by ,venus3 8,vouchsafe1 thou1 wonder1 to alight thy steed1 ,and rein his proud head to the saddle-bow2 ,if thou wilt deign this favor1 for thy meed ,a thousand honey secrets shalt thou know3 ,here come and sit1 where never serpent hisses1 ,and being set1 ,i'll smother thee with kisses4 8,art thou ashamed to kiss6 ,then wink again1 ,and ,i will wink2 so shall the day seem night2 ,love keeps his revels where there are but twain2 ,be bold to play1 our sport is not in sight3 ,these blue-vein'd violets whereon we lean ,never can blab1 nor know not what we mean44440 ,and having felt the sweetness of the spoil1 ,with blindfold fury she begins to forage2 ,her face doth reek and smoke1 her blood doth boil1 ,and careless lust stirs up a desperate courage2 ,planting oblivion1 beating reason back1 ,forgetting shame's pure blush and honor's wrack4 ,timid maids and men may well be reassured by this tempest of passion on the part of love's queen1 and by the whole gallery of ,shakespeare's great lovers4 ,great ,lovers4--,the world has its long roll of great lovers1 whose names are sweet on the tongues of the generations that come after them4 ,the ,bible1 in the ,song of ,solomon1 has one of the greatest series of love lyrics in all literature4 ,david loved his ,bath-,sheba as a king loves2 and ,solomon was at least efficient1 with his seven hundred wives1 princesses1 and three hundred concubines4 ,helen of ,sparta eloped with ,paris of ,troy1 and lighted the conflagration that burned the topless towers of ,troy to the ground1 and embroiled the world in the ,trojan ,war and inspired the first two ,greek epics4 ,dante saw the girl ,beatrice passing him on the street and as a result1 he worshipped her thereafter from a distance1 and lifted her in imagination1 in his ,divine ,comedy1 to the high throne of heaven4 ,don ,juan was the great predatory lover1 putting on a new love as easily as he slipped on a new garment4 ,bluebeard 7or ,gilles de ,rais7 was the bloodthirsty lover2 ,cleopatra was the world's queen1 with ,pompey1 ,caesar1 and ,antony successively at her feet4 ,in more modern times1 ,casanova was the gentlest great lover of all time1 with a roll of loves as long as ,solomon's1 and far more varied4 ,great secular popes1 like ,alexander ,,vi1 the ,borgia1 were great in love2 many of the ,roman emperors were chiefly distinguished in the lists of ,cupid4 ,caesar himself was nicknamed 8the husband of all women40 ,such men and women have made the history of love4 ,read their love stories1 as aids in your own suits4 ,among the poets1 we have had many great lovers4 ,shelley spent his life in a high idealistic pursuit of the ideal woman1 pouring out his deathless lyrics to some ,harriet or ,mary or ,jane or ,emilia who captured his fancy for the moment4 ,byron loved all over ,europe1 ,keats burned out his young life in a wild adoration of ,fanny ,brawne1 as in this sonnet3 ,i cry you mercy--pity--love6--ay1 love6 ,merciful love that tantalizes not1 ,one-thoughted1 never-wandering1 guileless love1 ,unmask'd1 and being seen--without a blot6 ,o6 let me have thee whole1--all--all--be mine6 ,that shape1 that fairness1 that sweet minor zest ,of love1 your kiss1--those hands1 those eyes divine1 ,that warm1 white1 lucent1 million-pleasured breast-- ,yourself--your soul--in pity give me all1 ,withhold no atom's atom or ,i die1 ,or living on1 perhaps1 your wretched thrall1 ,forget1 in the midst of idle misery1 ,life's purposes1--the palate of my mind ,losing its gust1 and my ambition blind6 ,burns was a magnificent voice of love1 who enriched man with many of his choicest love-songs4 ,poe not only was a great lover1 but used the same poems successively with a number of desired women4 ,edna ,st4 ,vincent ,millay1 among modern poets1 has a charming cleverness in her love-songs2 and1 indeed1 modern poetry is full of excellent love material4 ,one of the most effective modern love sonnets is the dramatic ,pirate ,song1 from 8,leaf ,buds ,turning ,rose10 by the author of ,the ,eagle ,sonnets3 ,ahoy1 there1 you slim craft with the virgin ensign6 ,heave to--we are boarding6 ,you're a fancy prey ,to tread the slippery plank1 or do your dancing ,on air1 over the wind-bedevilled spray4 ,low in the water--you'll be rotten with treasure6 ,ay1 there'll be hot blood foulin' your clean decks ,when we shall tread you in our lordly pleasure ,then scuttle you with all the plundered wrecks4 ,yet you're a rakish craft4444 ,how would you like it ,to make one more of the buccaneering tell1 ,to raise the ,jolly ,roger1 and not strike it ,in the face of all the punishing fleets of hell8 ,by ,god1 we'll take you1 then6 ,fair or foul weather1 ,two of the black gentry1 off together6 ,an amusing love story in rhyme is ,the ,lang ,coortin'1 by ,lewis ,carroll1 best known for ,alice in ,wonderland4 ,the lover for years wooed the lady1 saying no word of his love4 ,she used his gold rings as a chain for her doggie2 stuffed the dog's pillow with his repeated locks of hair2 and when he sent love letters from a far country1 with the postage still due on them1 she had the postman take them all away4 ,for thirty years he had kept up this courtship3 and now at last he has come to propose4 ,but the lady tells him1 that1 since he has lived so satisfactorily for thirty years1 he can wait a bit longer yet4 ,he repents1 as he leaves her3 8,o1 if ,i find another lady10 ,he said with sighs and tears1 8,i am sure my courtin' shall not be ,another thirty years2 8,for if ,i find a lady gay ,exactly to my taste1 ,i'll pop the question1 aye or nay1 ,in twenty years1 at most60 ,there is a real lesson for lovers here4 ,do not postpone your proposal until your grandchildren are old enough to laugh at your tardiness4 ,the first lovers were ,adam and ,eve1 according to the ,genesis story2 and ,milton1 in his largely unread ,paradise ,lost1 has told their love in resounding lines4 ,the most recent lovers assumably include you who are reading this book4 ,love is an art1 as courtship and wooing is an art3 and your task is to perfect yourself in the art4 ,you should make your wooing serve the double function of winning the mate you desire at the moment1 and at the same time serve as an education to you in the loved one1 and the opposite sex in general4 ,both the educational function1 and the task of winning the desired one1 call for your highest abilities3 and these abilities will be sharpened and increased by a knowledge of man's lore upon love1 and the ups and downs of the great lovers of the past4 ,so saturate yourself1 during the loving period1 with the literature of love3 read carefully the love stories of the world's great lovers1 and constantly increase your technique as wooer1 in the beginning of the courtship1 in the actual engagement1 and in the most perilous of all periods--that period after the marriage has commenced4 ,there is a third purpose1 which hardly needs mention1 and that is1 the pleasure that you yourself have in wooing4 ,pleasure consists in the satisfying of an appetite--not in the satisfaction of it2 when the appetite is satisfied1 your feeling becomes negative4 ,the chase is the fun2 the gaining of the goal is a mere sense of accomplishment1 far below the joy of the running4 ,man has not only the appetite to enjoy love1 but the added appetite for the chase3 and woman1 daughter of man1 has this delight too1 and an implanted pleasure in her part of the wooing4 ,her part is1 in general1 more passive than man's3 she gets her thrill from seeing the male or males cavorting before her1 in the endeavor to gain her approval4 ,yet1 at times1 when the worthy male is backward or bashful1 or young and inexperienced1 she will assume the aggressive1 and be a very ,venus in action4 ,as a matter of fact1 no matter who does the actual wooing and proposing1 it is today1 largely1 woman who rules the field4 ,how else explain her elaborate and seductive dressing1 to win man's approval8 ,her concealment of this1 and display of that charm1 her alluring perfume1 her flattering pretense that the man is the wisest being in the universe1 her continuing attentions to him in a thousand subtle little ways8 ,these collectively weave a net which even the wariest male fish may not often escape4 ,go to your wooing1 men1 with all the courage you can3 it is hardly the time to reflect that you are being summoned to the slaughter1 as the spider nets her prey1 as the spider nets her mate4 ,it is pleasant to be a victim of love3 and some men found it a pleasure to be such a victim constantly4 ,and when you have made yourself an artist in wooing1 both in theory and practice1 do not be stingy with your lore1 but pass it on to other men and women1 who lack it4 ,for only the great in love are great in life1 and great in joy4 ,,transcriber',s ,,note ,page #f3 8and the male surivives0 changed to 8and the male survives04 ,page #bj3 8when the left the office10 changed to 8when he left the office10 ,page #bf3 8how other people regared0 changed to 8how other people regard0 ,page #bf3 8have always hear dmade0 changed to 8have always heard made0 ,page #cj3 8in mens' eyes30 changed to 8in men's eyes30 ,page #ca3 8box of chewy chololates0 changed to 8box of chewy chocolates0 ,page #cb3 8or a permanent one30 changed to 8or a permanent one--0 ,page #cc3 8wholly unattractive30 changed to 8wholly unattractive10 ,page #ce3 8ask time to consider0 changed to 8ask for time to consider0 ,page #cg3 8,fancy ,flitations40 changed to 8,fancy ,flirtations40 ,page #cg3 8space alloted to0 changed to 8space allotted to0 ,page #dh3 8out what her fiance's0 changed to 8out what her fianc's0 ,page #di3 8can elect pie0 changed to 8can select pie0 ,page #eb3 8,the concensus of intelligent0 changed to 8,the consensus of intelligent0 ,page #ec3 8of to his beloved0 changed to 8of to his beloved40 ,page #eg3 8,,vi4 ,,famous ,,courtships0 changed to 8,,vi ,,famous ,,courtships0 ,page #eh3 8peril in this eye0 changed to 8peril in thine eye0 ,page #eh3 8against their enmity4 40 changed to 8against their enmity44440 ,page #ei3 8,forgetting shames' pure0 changed to 8,forgetting shame's pure0 ,page #fa3 8cleverness in her love songs0 changed to 8cleverness in her love-songs0