,transcriber's ,note4 ,a jump in the narrative between pages #be and #bf suggests some text was lost in the printing process4 ,a note has been inserted at the appropriate location4 ,italic text is indicated with underscores1 bold text with equals4 ,small_/mixed capitals have been replaced with ,,all ,,capitals4 ,evident typographical and punctuation errors have been corrected silently4 ,inconsistent hyphenation has been normalised4 ,one got lost1 one got hung in the verse on page #ci is as published1 but may be a misquote4 ,a reference to reece monkey on page #ag has been corrected to rhesus monkey4 ,a ,table of ,contents has been added by the transcriber4 ,illustration captions have been placed between chapters to improve text flow4 ,green ,room ,gossip ,by ,,archibald ,,haddon ,crown #hvo4 ,cloth4 #fs4 #j;d4 net4 ,a notable book on the contemporary theatre by the well-known dramatic critic of 8,the ,daily ,express40 ,all the principal happenings of the ,london ,stage during the last few years are discussed with astonishing freedom of expression4 ,one of its most attractive features is a considerable number of vivacious pen-sketches of leading actors and actresses in their dressing-rooms4 ,another section 8,when the ,censor ,nods0 deals with certain notorious productions which startled ,london playgoers4 ,the book being indexed is a useful work of reference4 ,,london3 ,,stanley ,,paul ,,co4 #ca1 ,,essex ,,street1 ,w4,c4#b4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker in private life at #ga years of age ,,from ,,sawdust ,,to ,,windsor ,,castle ,,by 8,,whimsical ,,walker0 7,the famous ,drury ,lane ,clown7 ,with eight full page half-tone illustrations ,,london3 ,,stanley ,,paul ,,co4 #ca1 ,,essex ,,street1 ,,strand1 ,w4,c4#b ,first published in #aibb ,,table ,,of ,,contents ,,chapter ,i ,my father and mother4 ,my mother dies and my father marries again4 ,a bad time with stepmother4 ,when nine years old ,i run away4 ,my first 8engagement40 ,odd experiences4 ,i try to be a photographer and come to grief4 ,another engagement--8,a living head without a body40 ,with ,bedell's show at ,whitby4 ,my first 8panto0 part4 ,how ,i got to ,london4 ,i make the acquaintance of ,morris ,abrahams1 who sends me home4 ,am engaged by ,pablo ,fangue1 the circus proprietor4 ,my training4 ,thanks to my face ,i am made a clown4 ,pablo ,fangue an admirable master4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,i tramp from ,bristol to ,london with my properties4 ,a one-day show with the 8,retort0 ,circus at the ,crystal ,palace4 ,the seats collapse4 ,i join ,croueste and ,nella's ,circus4 ,a 8double somersault over five horses by the ,little ,clown40 ,an unexpected catastrophe4 ,how ,i 8performed0 on the slack rope4 ,with ,powell and ,clarke at ,southampton4 ,the preacher and the monkey4 ,i appear at the ,theatre ,royal1 ,manchester1 for a benefit at ,sanger's ,circus4 ,a lion in my dressing room6 ,practical joking among circus lads4 ,am tired of circus life and go in for 8mumming40 ,i take an 8engagement0 at ,royston's ,circus at ,carlisle4 ,playing 8,little ,willie0 in 8,east ,lynne0 and the 8ghost0 in 8,hamlet0 under difficulties4 ,am disappointed with 8mumming0 and go back to the circus4 ,my first shave4 ,terrible death of ,macmart1 the lion tamer4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,am engaged at ,astley's4 ,the curious history of the theatre4 ,sanger's odd expedient against fire4 ,i am a soldier for one night in 8,fair ,rosamond40 ,recreation at the 8,bower ,saloon40 ,i play the part of a monk4 ,the monks' revenge on an obnoxious actor4 ,a fight with 8,richard ,,iii40 ,am pitched into the orchestra4 ,i join ,adams' ,circus in ,yorkshire4 ,i make ,marwood1 the hangman1 laugh4 ,am an unsatisfactory witness in a police court case4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,a turning point in my career4 ,i accept an offer to go to ,america and travel with ,john ,h4 ,murray's ,railroad ,circus4 ,the discomforts of crossing the ,atlantic4 ,the adventures of a jar of whisky4 ,our opening show at ,harlum a success4 ,blowing up 8,hell ,gate40 ,new ,york scared4 ,odd experiences down south4 ,an indignant darkie thirsts for my blood4 ,the clown not understood in ,america4 ,a ,yankee who didn't like my 8general appearance40 ,a ,pittsburg 8burglar40 ,i return to ,england4 ,,chapter ,v ,my second visit to ,america4 ,a caravan journey across the prairies and the ,rockies from ,new ,york to ,san ,francisco4 ,my experiences with ,red ,indians4 ,a novel treatment of fever4 ,performances at ,san ,francisco1 ,java and ,australia4 ,return to ,new ,york4 ,a 8spiritualistic0 swindle4 ,am engaged by ,barnum1 ,bailey and ,hutchinson4 ,the baby elephant born in the show becomes my playmate4 ,an elephant's wonderful memory4 ,my mysterious mission to ,paris under 8sealed orders40 ,what the sealed letter contained--instructions to buy 8,jumbo40 ,agitation in ,london over the proposed sale of the big elephant4 ,the ,zoological ,society accept ,barnum's offer4 ,proceedings in ,chancery4 ,the matter settled4 8,jumbo's0 opposition4 ,the true story of the delay4 ,a mishap to his car4 ,,chapter ,,vi 8,jumbo0 shipped4 ,the ,baroness ,burdett-,coutts gives him his last bun4 ,arrives safely at ,new ,york4 ,a duty of #dej demanded4 ,my awkward encounter with the ,customs officer4 ,fatal accident to 8,jumbo40 ,something about the ,aztecs4 ,their curious history4 ,i go in for theatrical management4 ,i start with pantomime at the ,metropolitan ,alcazar1 ,broadway4 ,deverna's extraordinary rubber 8properties40 ,the topical hits greatly relished4 ,the foolish penal code4 ,marriages in ,barnum's captive balloon4 ,my benefit and the misfortune that happened4 ,the gallery gives way and many people injured4 ,in five minutes ,i lose all my fortune4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,i join ,hengler's ,circus at ,liverpool4 ,mr4 ,charles ,hengler's peculiarities4 ,a black or red nose8 ,an unlucky ride in the early morning after a late night4 ,i break my ankle4 ,incapacitated for two years4 ,i go with ,hengler's to ,dublin4 ,my popularity4 ,a favourite song4 ,i experiment with performing cats4 ,they have stage fright4 ,a ,dublin reporter taken aback4 8,billy ,gladstone40 ,the reporter's revenge4 ,my awkward experience on the boat to ,holyhead4 ,a 8,dick ,turpin0 impromptu ride to ,york4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,the doings of my donkeys 8,tom0 and 8,jerry40 ,how ,i educated them4 ,the training of animals4 ,a ,hull doctor hoaxed4 ,my misadventure on the opening night at ,hull4 ,how 8,tom0 was taught to sing4 8,jerry0 suddenly drops dead at ,glasgow4 8,tom's0 great cleverness4 ,how he scared the ballet girls at the ,leicester ,square ,empire4 8,tom0 undergoes a singular surgical operation at ,bordeaux4 ,how ,i said 8something nice0 to ,mr4 ,gladstone at ,covent ,garden ,theatre4 ,i am 8commanded0 to perform before ,queen ,victoria at ,windsor ,castle4 8,tom's0 misbehaviour on this occasion4 ,her ,majesty's appreciation of the performance4 ,,chapter ,,ix ,i experiment with geese4 ,a goose race in tubs4 ,a fiasco4 ,sarony1 the showman artist-photographer of ,scarborough4 ,i begin the training of geese4 ,their erratic behaviour4 ,they devour the stuffing of the ring fence4 ,mr4 ,hengler's indignation4 ,the ,sisters ,vades and their safety net4 ,the geese make a meal off the net and spoil the turn of the sisters4 ,their doom pronounced by ,mr4 ,hengler4 ,how they terminated their career4 ,i fail to train a vicious monkey4 ,the late ,king ,edward 7then ,prince of ,wales7 at ,scarborough--,i am permitted to join his shooting party4 ,i arrange a children's cricket match at which the ,prince and ,dr4 ,w4 ,g4 ,grace captain the respective sides4 ,i get up a comic cricket match at ,hengler's at the ,prince's request4 ,i make up as 8,w4 ,g40 and execute a marvellous and unsuspected hit4 ,my horse 8,spot0 and his dancing on the ,scarborough sands4 ,the ,scarborough widows4 ,,chapter ,x ,i am engaged to appear at ,madrid4 ,something about my wonderful game-cock4 ,cock-fighting in ,london in the 'eighties6 ,the secret of an ,endell ,street cellar4 ,how ,i obtained the bird4 ,a match between myself and the game-cock4 ,an ,argyle ,street show which took the town4 ,a trying journey to ,madrid4 ,the trials of ,spanish etiquette4 ,am invited by ,royalty to a bull-fight4 ,the singing donkey creates a furore4 ,also the game-cock 8turn40 ,my gallio challenged by a ,spanish champion4 ,the fight comes off4 ,the ,spaniard defeated4 ,the ,spanish game-cock fanciers anxious to secure my bird4 ,i adopt precautions for his safety4 ,difficulties in the way of returning home4 ,i succeed by a ruse in escaping4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,odds and ends of circus life4 ,the 8peep show0 cooking stoves4 ,how ,i 8had0 ,lord ,randolph ,churchill in ,dublin4 ,i distinguish myself at a sham fight4 ,an unscrupulous practical joker4 ,faked up 8,zulu0 warriors and how the fraud was discovered4 ,the story of a ,birmingham ,christmas pudding4 ,my trick canary that failed4 ,a day's fishing on a yacht4 ,,chapter ,,xii ,more odds and ends4 ,how ,i was rescued from 8drowning0 at ,douglas4 ,the mock medals4 ,a night sensation at sea4 ,i act as a race-course steward at the ,manx 8,derby40 ,a good old 8gag40 ,i personate another actor at ,warrington4 ,dan ,leno's champion clog dancing4 ,eccentric lodging house keepers4 ,selling the 8deadheads40 ,advertisements introduced into performing4 ,a mean firm4 ,curried fowl and the disappointed supers4 ,advertising an electric bell4 ,the audience 8sold40 ,i play at the ,cirque ,nouveau1 ,paris4 ,my excess of zeal4 ,,chapter ,,xiii ,american notes4 ,a bogus boxing match4 ,dispersed by hose-pipe4 ,jem ,mace and ,joe ,goss4 ,i second ,mace and get the worst of it4 ,queer ,american law4 ,washed away on ,coney ,island4 ,an insulted ,irishman4 ,how ,i started 8,sequah0 in business4 ,daring robbery of my presentation watch and chain4 ,curious coincidences4 ,terrible death of a ,barnum acrobat4 ,i go to ,america with ,charlie ,chaplin4 ,an unlucky tour4 ,the company collapse in ,seattle4 ,the discomforts of a ,seattle hospital4 ,i return to ,england4 ,an unexpected shower bath4 ,chased by a hippopotamus4 ,,chapter ,,xiv ,my second visit to ,australia4 ,i train a performing horse on board4 ,am engaged by ,harry ,rickards for a twenty-seven weeks' tour4 ,i play for five nights only4 ,summoned to ,london by ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins owing to the death of ,herbert ,campbell4 ,mr4 ,rickards' luxurious home4 ,i bathe with sharks4 ,i escort two wallabies to ,england4 ,a strange meeting at ,colombo4 ,i arrive in ,london4 ,death of ,dan ,leno4 ,dan's merry pranks4 ,his unlucky garden party4 ,,chapter ,,xv ,managers and actors ,i have known4 ,p4 ,t4 ,barnum4 ,a wonderful organiser4 ,how a big circus travels4 ,barnum's consideration for his company4 ,his little speeches4 ,general ,tom ,thumb4 ,signor ,foli and ,frank ,celli4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris a born showman4 ,the elder ,harris and his glossy hat4 ,the value of an advertisement4 ,my 8benefit0 at ,drury ,lane and why it was a frost4 ,i miss my chance in the ,drury ,lane ,pantomime1 #ahij-ia1 8,beauty and the ,beast40 ,an unrehearsed incident4 ,i play 8,mercury0 in 8,venus40 ,i am 8,hamlet0 at ,richardson's show in the ,olympic ,carnival4 ,a ,scottish 8,ghost40 ,a new view of 8,hamlet40 ,,chapter ,,xvi ,my first engagement at ,covent ,garden4 ,my performing pig4 ,its ultimate end4 ,some dog yarns4 ,animal trainers not cruel4 8,verdun10 the wonderful performing horse4 ,how ,e4 ,t4 ,smith swallowed a #a1jjj note4 ,a shadow in my life4 ,my first panto at ,drury ,lane ,theatre4 ,a 8great cab act40 ,comic film scenes indebted to the harlequinade4 ,the decline of the harlequinade4 ,the clown's difficulties with the orchestra4 ,royalty at the pantomime4 ,i present ,princess ,mary with a ,christmas cracker4 ,the cracker and the cats--a practical joke4 ,the relief of ,ladysmith--an excited audience4 ,arthur ,roberts1 the prince of 8spoofers40 ,escapades at a ,sheffield hotel4 ,pressmen 8spoofed0 by a water chute4 ,the 8spooferies40 ,,chapter ,,xvii ,pantomimes at old 8,drury40 ,a pantomime mishap4 8,spoofing0 a ,hebe of the old ,gaiety buffet4 ,e4 ,j4 ,odell's rebuke4 ,sitting on a corpse6 ,drury ,lane memories4 ,lady ,dunlo and the ham and beef shop4 ,i play in ,drury ,lane panto from #aiab to #aibj4 ,actors and actresses who have played in pantomimes4 ,jimmy ,welch and the ,new ,clown4 ,mr4 ,arthur ,bourchier as clown in ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert's 8,fairy's ,dilemma40 ,a ,crystal ,palace ,pantomime4 ,the ,lupinos as children4 ,covent ,garden fancy dress balls4 8,codding0 the first prize4 ,dan ,leno as a policeman4 ,baddeley ,twelfth ,cake ,festivities4 ,,chapter ,,xviii ,american comic films an imitation of the ,english harlequinade4 ,charlie ,chaplin's 8method40 ,the modern pantomime not produced for children4 ,the clown's 8business0 spoilt by the orchestra4 ,a defence of the harlequinade4 ,grimaldi and summer pantomimes4 ,what a pantomime should be4 ,a suggestion4 ,the best clowns with circus experience4 ,the art of pantomime running in families4 ,the ,leopolds1 the ,vokes family1 the ,lupinos4 ,the difference between a circus and a pantomime clown4 ,watty ,hillyard1 ,wallet and ,tom ,matthews4 ,mr4 ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert as harlequin4 ,w4 ,j4 ,payne1 the 8,king of ,pantomime40 ,how ,dan ,leno and ,herbert ,campbell worked together4 ,the clown of the harlequinade works by himself4 ,sausages and the red-hot poker4 ,the origin of the clown4 ,eighteenth century pantomimes4 ,grimaldi4 ,other famous clowns4 ,how old circus jokes were made4 ,a plea for the revival of the harlequinade4 ,,chapter ,,xix ,the films4 ,a new experience4 ,the humours of rehearsals4 ,chasing a hat4 ,an embarrassing encounter with bees4 ,how 8little ,nell0 was buried4 ,blowing up 8old ,peggotty40 ,the 8,starting ,point40 ,a glance back at a life's work4 ,,list ,,of ,,illustrations ,whimsical ,walker in private life at #ga years of age frontispiece ,the best friend ,i ever had in the ,theatrical ,profession #cb ,the ,royal ,windsor ,castle ,programme #fd ,whimsical ,walker as old 8,daniel ,peggotty10 in ,hepworth's film1 8,david ,copperfield0 #if ,whimsical ,walker1 in his studio1 writing his life #if ,all ready to appear before the ,british ,public1 ,drury ,lane ,theatre ,pantomime #abh ,whimsical ,walker as 8,the ,single ,gentleman0 in ,hepworth's film1 8,the ,old ,curiosity ,shop0 #afj ,whimsical ,walker and the ,drury ,lane ,harlequinade entertaining the ,lord and ,lady ,mayoress and children at the ,mansion ,house1 ,london1 in aid of the ,blind ,children of ,london #afj ,whimsical ,walker as he appeared before ,h4,m4 ,gracious ,majesty ,queen ,victoria1 by command1 ,windsor ,castle1 #beth ,february1 #ahhf #aib ,whimsical ,walker rehearsing a love scene with ,miss ,nancy ,buckland1 ,drury ,lane ,theatre ,stage #aib ,whimsical ,walker enjoying the sea air1 ,gorleston-on-,sea #bbh ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,w4 ,walker at their home at ,peggotty's ,hut1 ,gorleston-on-,sea1 with their mascot cat 8,whimmy0 #bbh ,,from ,,sawdust ,,to ,,windsor ,,castle ,,chapter ,i ,my father and mother4 ,my mother dies and my father marries again4 ,a bad time with stepmother4 ,when nine years old ,i run away4 ,my first 8engagement40 ,odd experiences4 ,i try to be a photographer and come to grief4 ,another engagement--8,a living head without a body40 ,with ,bedell's show at ,whitby4 ,my first 8panto0 part4 ,how ,i got to ,london4 ,i make the acquaintance of ,morris ,abrahams1 who sends me home4 ,am engaged by ,pablo ,fangue1 the circus proprietor4 ,my training4 ,thanks to my face ,i am made a clown4 ,pablo ,fangue an admirable master4 ,i was born in ,hull in the year--well1 it doesn't much matter what year it was4 ,my mother kept a public house in ,paragon ,street with the odd name of the 8,march of ,intellect10 and it happened that ,cooke's ,circus1 of which ,robert ,stanley ,walker was manager1 came to the theatre4 ,robert ,walker fell in love with the hostess of the 8,march of ,intellect10 married her1 and so ,i was brought into the world4 ,i was three years old and my sister ,rachel one year and three months younger1 when my mother was taken ill4 ,she was ordered to ,torquay1 where she died4 ,five years later my father married again1 and giving up circus life became proprietor of ,castle ,farm1 ,mile ,end1 ,hazel ,grove1 ,stockport4 ,at ,castle ,farm were cows1 pigs1 a horse1 fowls1 etc41 and the familiarity with animals which afterwards served me in such good stead in later life began here4 ,something else must also have begun--my 8whimsicality10 only it wasn't called by that name4 ,i must have been a wrong-headed urchin1 always going my own way in preference to other people's4 ,anyway1 according to my stepmother1 ,i could do nothing right2 thrashings followed1 and young as ,i was--only nine years--,i made up my mind to run away4 ,one day ,i was sent with my stepmother's mother to ,stockport market to sell butter and eggs1 and was left by her in charge of the stall4 ,here was the very chance and ,i took it4 ,i sold the stock on my own account and went off with the money to ,manchester4 ,the showman's spirit must have been in my blood1 for instinctively ,i turned towards ,knott ,mill ,fair which was being held just off ,deansgate4 ,i chummed on with a boy ,i met2 ,i treated him to hot peas1 gingerbread and nuts until ,i was stony broke4 ,my new friend was a lad of resource and introduced me to the proprietor of a tumbling booth who must have seen something funny in my face 7,i doubt if it was a lovely one7 which took his fancy4 8,put on some togs10 said he1 8knock about on the front of the booth and let me see how you get on40 ,it was my first engagement6 ,my salary was plenty to eat1 lodging and a penny or twopence a week4 ,it wasn't much1 but ,i felt independent1 and ,i tried to forget ,i had a father of whom ,i was horribly afraid4 ,rigged up in comic clothes1 my performance was to tumble about in any way ,i fancied4 ,i suppose ,i must have been unconsciously 8whimsical10 for the crowd laughed1 and what was more to the purpose1 so also did the show people4 ,i made a start at acrobatic training with the assistance of a broomstick1 trying to bend back until my head touched my heels1 but this did not suit my youthful fancy1 and my ideas of a salary enlarging1 ,i threw up my 8engagement0 at the tumbling booth and took up with a travelling photographer who gave me two shillings a week and my board1 but as ,i had to pay for my bed ,i didn't get much out of it4 ,looking back1 it puzzles me how a photographer could find a boy of nine or ten useful4 ,for my duties were to talk to the gaping multitude and induce them to have their portraits taken6 ,i suppose ,i was a 8hit0 or he wouldn't have kept me on4 ,i can only put it down to my innate 8whimsicality40 ,i had odd experiences with the photographer4 ,once a hurricane blew the whole show over4 ,the proprietor flew into a passion1 said it was my fault and was for 8firing0 me right away1 but altering his mind he gave me some lessons in photography1 and leaving me in charge1 went off to find a 8pitch0 in another town4 ,i suppose ,i imagined ,i was a full-blown artist1 and a woman with her baby coming along1 ,i induced her to give me a sitting and sent her away with an awful production for which ,i charged her eighteenpence4 ,the next day her husband descended upon me in the shape of a burly drunken collier who threatened to kill me unless ,i returned the money4 ,unluckily ,i'd spent it1 but ,i pacified him by offering to take the lady and baby again4 ,he vanished into a public house1 and deciding that art was not my vocation1 ,i fled and left the booth to its own devices4 ,what became of it ,i never knew4 ,ashton ,fair was on and here ,i presented myself and was recognised by a showman named ,randal ,williams4 ,williams wanted a boy to play a part called 8,a living head without a body10 a sort of trick which anticipated a portion of ,maskelyne and ,cooke's well-known entertainment years after4 ,all ,i had to do was to put on a wig and old whiskers and go underneath the stage about a dozen times a day1 and at a given signal put my head through a small trap door1 my body of course being concealed4 ,the exhibitor would then say1 8,open your eyes--can you see80 8,yes10 was my reply4 8,turn your eyes to the right--now to the left4 ,smoke a cigarette10 etc4 ,one day some mischievous urchin stuck a pin into my body4 ,i dived down to punch the young rascal4 ,it was the critical moment of the show and when the trap opened there was no head6 ,the audience thought they had been swindled and went for the proprietor who went for me4 ,that was the end of my 8living head0 engagement4 ,i then joined a hanky-panky show of conjurors4 ,with my face blackened ,i was called 8,jumbo0--the recognised name in those days for a comic nigger4 ,i imagine ,i then 8found0 myself4 ,i certainly was a huge success and suddenly became the greatest boy on the parade4 ,by the time we reached ,whitby in the winter of that year ,i had mastered the mysteries of conjuring4 ,at ,whitby ,mrs4 ,bedell1 the proprietress1 rented a ramshackle structure dubbed the 8,theatre ,royal10 which let in the rain to such an extent that sometimes there were two or three feet of water under the stage4 ,we opened three nights a week with the 8legitimate10 8,maria ,martin10 8,east ,lynne10 etc41 and we also produced a pantomime1 8,the ,babes in the ,wood40 ,i was one of the 8,babes0 and ,polly ,bedell1 ,mrs4 ,bedell's daughter1 the other2 and the scene painter was the clown1 ,billy ,baker1 who also made the properties4 ,one wet night a dreadful fiasco came about4 ,in the last scene the two little dears ascended to ,heaven after being covered with leaves 7which we collected every morning from the country7 by the dear little robins1 one of which1 by the way1 was a huge 8property0 bird that became a codfish in the harlequinade4 ,on this particular night the box containing the babes was ascending to ,heaven when one of the ropes broke and exit the babes under the stage into a watery grave6 ,that was the end of the panto4 ,young as ,i was ,i noticed that a company of strolling players always had its 8character40 ,bedell's 8character0 was the cornet player1 ,stokes1 who comprised the entire orchestra4 ,he had a wooden tooth and he could only play when this tooth was in his mouth1 and as he sometimes mislaid it there was an element of uncertainty in his performance1 which lent it considerable charm4 ,the time came when ,i got tired of ,bedell's1 and a friendly fisherman who had a son about my own age suggested that we should go to sea together4 ,it was winter time and ,i didn't much relish the idea4 ,however1 ,i sailed with him in his smack to ,london1 and when ,i was in the crowded streets the old yearning for show life came back1 and ,i said good-bye to my friend the fisherman4 ,what ,i did in ,london for some little time ,i don't exactly remember1 but one day who should ,i come across but an acrobatic troupe1 the ,carlos ,brothers1 whom ,i had met at ,manchester ,fair and who--thanks ,i believe to my 8whimsical0 face--remembered me4 ,they were showing at the ,effingham ,saloon 7now called 8,wonderland071 ,mile ,end ,road1 built by ,morris ,abrahams1 who was also running the ,pavilion ,theatre1 ,whitechapel ,road4 ,it was a very miscellaneous entertainment that ,morris ,abrahams provided for his patrons of the ,effingham4 ,sometimes it was lurid melodrama of the old 8,vic0 type and sometimes it was a variety show4 ,something of the latter kind was being run when the ,carlos ,brothers were engaged4 ,my recollections of the ,whitechapel and ,mile ,end ,roads of the early sixties are quite distinct4 ,the very wide thoroughfare1 probably the finest approach to the metropolis which ,london possesses1 was still countrified in some parts4 ,there was ample room in front of many of the inns not only for waggons to draw up1 but benches and tables1 arranged in rows1 for al fresco refreshments1 and1 clean and bright with the greenest of green paint1 invited the weary traveller to sit and rest4 ,here on a fine evening could be seen working men and their wives enjoying themselves in modest fashion and taking their drink leisurely and in comfort1 a thing impossible in these days of dirty four-ale bars4 ,one never saw young girls take their beer or whisky as is too often the case now4 ,tea gardens and dancing platforms flourished then4 ,there was one favourite place of this kind on the opposite side of the ,mile ,end ,road to that where the ,effingham was situated4 ,it was called the ,eagle1 ,i think1 and on its site the ,paragon music-hall was subsequently built4 ,mile ,end toll gate was then in existence and that queer quaint old public house stuck almost in the centre of the road not far from the gate was a prominent and not unsightly object4 ,it was in the winter when ,i was at the ,effingham1 so ,i did not see the glories of the ,fairlop carnival and the fireworks let off in the road without any fear of police restrictions1 which welcomed the return of the boats mounted on wheels from the fair at the ,fairlop oak1 ,epping ,forest4 ,to my boyish fancy a perpetual fair went on in the great stretch of no man's land--afterwards ,i believe called ,mile ,end 8,waste0--extending nearly a mile along the side of the ,mile ,end ,road4 ,penny shows1 stalls where everything which no one could possibly want was sold1 hosts of penny merchants living on their wits--and most ingenious they were in tickling the fancy of the public--excited groups hotly discussing any topic which might be in the air at the time--it did not seem to matter much what--and above all1 the ,cheap ,jack and his ,dutch auction6 ,the ,cheap ,jack with his glib tongue1 ready wit1 and unlimited stock of impudence1 was a joy1 and one could stand for an hour enjoying the fun and not spend a penny4 ,unluckily ,i wasn't allowed these delights for long4 ,morris ,abrahams had been a 8pro0 nearly all his life--,i believe he came out as a dancer--and it happened that he knew my father1 so that when ,i told him that ,i'd run away he wrote home4 ,the sequel was the arrival the next day of a gentleman in a tall silk hat who announced that he was a detective and that he had come to take me back to my father4 ,so back ,i went1 very down1 and of course was received with black looks all round4 ,three days went over and my old 8whimsicality0 showing itself in the shape of letting the pigs loose into the flower garden1 my father had the sense to see that the ruling passion was too strong1 and ,pablo ,fangue's ,circus chancing at the time to be at ,stockport ,fair1 ,i was then and there sent to ,fangue1 engaged by him1 and in this way my real professional life began4 ,pablo ,fangue1 a coloured gentleman1 was a thorough master of his profession1 and ,i have to thank him for what ,i subsequently became--without vanity may ,i say it8--the greatest celebrity in my particular line in the circus business4 ,he taught me to ride1 to tumble1 to perform on the trapeze1 to vault over horses1 and indeed all the intricacies belonging to circus life4 ,i must admit that ,i was not over good at riding--you see1 my face was not too beautiful--so ,i was made a clown4 ,i confess that ,i like clowning1 as the audience often threw oranges and money into the ring when ,i made them laugh1 as ,i often did4 ,training for the circus meant much harder work than people may imagine4 ,there were three boy apprentices besides myself1 and a girl 7,fanny ,bluring74 ,we boys had to get up at #f o'clock every morning to look after the horses1 breakfast was at #h1 practice at #h4cj1 and school at #i1 excepting when we were performing at fairs4 ,pablo ,fangue did his duty towards us very conscientiously and sent us to church on ,sunday mornings4 ,of course1 we preferred playing marbles1 and to satisfy our master1 who always asked us what the text was1 we used to learn one by heart beforehand4 ,maybe the good words came too trippingly off our tongues and so excited his suspicions1 and he caught us out by going unseen by us to the same church4 ,that day at dinner he was unusually nice and said quite amicably1 8,well1 my boys1 have you all been to church80 8,yes1 sir10 we chanted4 8,and was it a nice sermon80 8,oh1 yes1 sir40 8,and what were the words80 8,jesus wept40 8,ah1 and all of you will too0--and we did4 ,he certainly knew something about boys' ways1 did ,pablo ,fangue4 ,we used to have sundry threepenny and fourpenny pieces given to us during the week1 and clever little ,fanny ,bluring was our banker4 ,all she had to do was to drop the little coins down the bag-like receptacle for the flat piece of wood in front of her old-fashioned stays1 and there they remained in safety till we wanted them on ,sunday1 when we would gorge ourselves with ice creams1 nuts1 gingerbread1 and anything we fancied4 ,in ,glasgow we spent no end of shillings with an ice cream merchant in the ,saltmarket1 and our master suspecting the reason why we couldn't eat any dinner conspired with the iceman4 ,the next time we had ice creams--but ,i draw a veil over the sequel4 ,for months after ,i could never face an ice cream4 ,i was with ,pablo until he died4 ,i was then fourteen and ,i fancy ,i knew more about animals than most boys of my age4 ,i was entrusted to buy the hay for the horses2 ,i acted as veterinary surgeon1 ,i could tell when a horse was lame1 when he was ill ,i knew what was the matter with him2 and all this useful knowledge ,i must say ,i owe to ,pablo ,fangue4 ,he was certainly one of the best of masters4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,i tramp from ,bristol to ,london with my properties4 ,a one-day show with the 8,retort0 ,circus at the ,crystal ,palace4 ,the seats collapse4 ,i join ,croueste and ,nella's ,circus4 ,a 8double somersault over five horses by the ,little ,clown40 ,an unexpected catastrophe4 ,how ,i 8performed0 on the slack rope4 ,with ,powell and ,clarke at ,southampton4 ,the preacher and the monkey4 ,i appear at the ,theatre ,royal1 ,manchester1 for a benefit at ,sanger's ,circus4 ,a lion in my dressing room6 ,practical joking among circus lads4 ,am tired of circus life and go in for 8mumming40 ,i take an 8engagement0 at ,royston's ,circus at ,carlisle4 ,playing 8,little ,willie0 in 8,east ,lynne0 and the 8ghost0 in 8,hamlet0 under difficulties4 ,am disappointed with 8mumming0 and go back to the circus4 ,my first shave4 ,terrible death of ,macmart1 the lion tamer4 ,on the death of ,pablo ,fangue his circus was sold and my life became one of strange ups and downs4 ,looking back1 if all were related1 that life would seem to be one of great hardship1 but in reality ,i had seen much of the unexpected and had always tumbled on my feet1 so nothing took me aback4 ,besides1 ,i had the habit of discovering the funny side of things1 and this was my salvation4 ,after ,pablo ,fangue's ,circus changed hands1 ,i joined ,john ,powell's show at ,bristol1 but finding there was no money accepted an engagement with a circus called the 8,retort0 7spell the word backwards and you will find it is 8,trotter07 which was going to give a performance on ,easter ,monday at the ,crystal ,palace1 ,sydenham4 ,i tramped it from ,bristol to ,london1 loaded with my properties--a dancing spade1 a long pair of stilts1 a short pair ditto and a little portmanteau4 ,the mistress of the circus was a ,mrs4 ,bonfantie1 and ,i looked her up on ,easter ,sunday at the ,half ,moon ,hotel1 ,hammersmith1 where she was staying4 ,i was nearly bootless and with ten shillings she lent me ,i went off to the ,new ,cut and bought a pair of patent leather shoes for #b_/aa4 ,early on ,easter ,monday ,i set out to walk to the ,crystal ,palace4 ,it rained all the way and by the time ,i reached the ,palace my patent leathers had turned out to be brown paper and the soles had to be tied together with string4 ,no matter1 ,i went into the ring just the same4 ,the circus was in the grounds1 and the tent was crowded1 the people being glad of the shelter out of the pouring rain4 ,the seats being soddened with wet1 the audience stood upon them1 the supports slipped in the soft1 muddy ground1 and then the seats collapsed4 ,the scared crowd rushed into the arena and ,i in my clown's dress got considerably mixed up4 ,that was the last of ,trotters' ,circus so far as ,i was concerned--only one day4 ,in those happy-go-lucky times nothing seemed to matter4 ,some money was due to me from ,trotters'1 and their lawyer called at the coffee house1 ,westminster ,bridge ,road1 where ,i had put up1 and paid me a bright golden sovereign4 ,i owed for my board and lodging and also for a washing bill4 ,which should ,i pay8 8,toss up10 said ,johnny ,purvis1 my pal4 ,we stood under a lamp post 7it was night74 ,i tossed1 muffed it and it disappeared into the gutter6 ,it was an agonising moment4 ,anyhow1 we found the coin1 but whether we paid the coffee house or the washing ,i can't remember4 ,the next few years was a jumble of odd experiences4 ,once ,i was with ,croueste and ,nella's ,circus at ,blackburn4 ,business was very bad1 so the proprietor of the circus asked me if ,i would do a double somersault over the horses as he thought that would bring a good house1 and ,i agreed to do so after ,i'd had some practice4 ,bills were printed with the announcement in large type3 8,greatest wonder in the ,world6 ,the ,little ,clown will turn a double somersault in mid-air over five horses before alighting on his feet40 ,we only had three horses1 but that didn't matter4 ,the night came off for this wonderful feat4 ,the house was packed4 ,i had practised the double somersault about half a dozen times and had got on all right4 ,however1 ,i suppose on the night ,i was over excited4 ,i hit the vaulting board a terrific thump1 and ,i went up in the air4 ,how many somersaults ,i turned ,i don't know1 but my head came down on the ring fence and broke it 7the fence1 ,i mean74 ,i got up1 smiled1 and they led me out of the ring4 ,i was bad for about three weeks1 and ,i never tried that game again4 ,i remember another unexpected accident at the same circus4 ,a performer on the slack rope had been engaged and we boys at practice in the morning thought we would try this trick4 ,i was wearing little top boots and ,i put on a pair of what we call 8slings0--fastenings which1 attached to the ropes1 enabled the performer to attempt certain feats without the risk of falling--round my top boots4 ,the boys gave the rope a good swing and ,i started doing somersaults1 thinking ,i couldn't fall as ,i had the slings on4 8,try the #8throw out1'0 shouted my pals below--that is1 whirl myself head downwards4 ,i did try1 and to my horror ,i came out of my top boots and went crash down4 ,luckily1 ,i fell on the seats1 and ,i got up without even a scratch on me4 ,meanwhile1 my top boots were dangling in the air1 and just as ,i was going to get them my master came in and said1 8,what's this80 ,i told him what ,i had done4 ,result--a lovely hiding for trying to do another man out of his performance4 ,that taught me a lesson6 ,while ,i was with ,croueste and ,nella two things happened on the same day which fixed themselves on my memory4 ,one was not of much importance1 the other was a terrible business4 ,the circus was at ,bolton1 and by this time ,i was getting on in my teens and had begun to fancy myself considerably4 ,i saw myself a full-blown 8pro0 and had visions of an overcoat with an astrachan collar1 wide bell-bottomed trousers1 my hat stuck on one side1 and with all the airs which the budding actor then affected4 ,i was well satisfied with my general appearance save in one respect4 ,i could not grow a moustache and this made me look younger than ,i really was4 ,the great drawback of my youthful aspect in my eyes was that the girls took no notice of me4 ,all my circus pals of my own age could get sweethearts without any difficulty1 but never a one had ,i4 ,i persuaded myself or my friends persuaded me that the cause was the absence of hair on my face4 ,they worked zealously on my behalf1 but whether this zeal was genuine ,i have now reason to doubt1 though ,i thought it was all right at the time4 ,to begin with they got some stuff from a druggist which ,i had to rub on my face4 ,i rubbed and rubbed1 but nothing came of it4 ,then ,joe ,smith1 one of the circus men1 said to me1 8,why don't you go and get shaved80 8,what's the good80 said ,i1 8there's so little to shave40 8,that's nothing to do with it4 ,the more your face is scraped the quicker your moustache will grow40 ,acting on the advice of this authority ,i paid a visit to a ,bolton barber4 ,his charge was not high1 it was only a halfpenny4 ,plucking up my courage ,i went into the dirty little barber's shop1 looking round before entering to see if anyone was seeing me going in4 ,i saw a miserable old man about #hj1 and directly he caught sight of me he called out roughly1 8,what do you want80 and ,i told him4 ,he got a filthy dirty towel and put it round my neck1 and ,i began to feel horribly nervous4 ,i'd been reading about ,sweeney ,todd1 the barber of ,fleet ,street1 and ,i wished ,i was out of the shop4 ,he got the brush 7,i will never forget the brush--if you call it a brush7 and he put some stuff on the brush supposed to be soap 7,i don't know what it was74 ,he was very shortsighted and he lathered my face1 not forgetting my eyes1 my nostrils and my mouth4 ,after scrubbing my face for a minute or two he turned round and began stropping a razor1 accompanied by a loud muttering1 which ,i thought sounded like 8,n--ow ----ow60 ,maybe it was his cough--anyhow to me he was ,sweeney ,todd6 ,in a flash ,i was out of the chair--through the door and running down the streets with the soap stuff on my face1 scraping it out of my eyes1 out of my nostrils1 spitting it out of my mouth1 and ,i ran till ,i became exhausted4 ,at the show 7it was a penny circus1 by the way7 ,joe ,smith enquired anxiously whether ,i'd had a shave yet4 8,no10 said ,i stoutly1 8and ,i don't want one40 ,nor did ,i4 ,so much for the unimportant event of that night4 ,bolton ,fair was on and later1 when the various shows were closing we heard a frightful screaming4 ,it was then nearly eleven o'clock4 ,we rushed out of the circus on to the fair ground and saw a crowd pouring from ,mander's menagerie shrieking with terror4 ,feeling that some dreadful disaster had happened we ran up the steps to the entrance and into the menagerie4 ,our fears were too truly realised4 ,a terrible tragedy met our eyes4 ,the lion tamer1 ,mr4 ,macmart1 was being worried and mauled by his lions4 ,he had been giving a sort of extra show after the ordinary public performance was over1 to amuse a party of students1 and no red-hot irons were handy4 ,what had happened was this3 ,one of ,mr4 ,macmart's tricks was for the lioness to lie at his feet while he put his foot on one of the lions4 ,by a great mischance he stumbled over the lioness and fell1 and directly he was on the ground the lions leaped at him4 ,i shall never forget to my dying day the terrible scene4 ,one beast was at the poor man's head and the other at his feet1 roaring and snarling like two dogs over a bone--it was frightful4 ,we fired revolvers with blank cartridges1 hoping to make them desist1 but it was in vain4 ,however1 at last we got him out by dividing the cage into three parts by the shutters provided for the purpose1 but it was too late1 the poor fellow died within twenty minutes4 ,he was an ,irishman with one arm and for some reason the lion probably had taken a dislike to him1 as a few years before the same creature attacked him and so injured his arm that it had to be amputated4 ,among other engagements in my teens was one with ,powell and ,clarke's ,circus1 during which time the ,southampton ,circus was let to a preacher1 for ,sunday service4 ,it so happened that young ,powell had just bought a rhesus monkey off a sailor1 and on a certain ,sunday morning1 when the circus was crowded to hear a noted preacher1 the monkey got loose and crept very gently to where the reverend gentleman was4 ,there was no viciousness in the monkey1 but he just pulled the reverend gentleman's trouser leg4 ,the clergyman naturally turned to see the cause1 dropped the hymn book as though it were red-hot1 and with one jump was across that ring and through the stable door quicker than ,i can tell you1 his flock scooting after him4 ,that finished the preaching in the circus4 ,some time after this1 when ,i was at the ,theatre ,royal1 ,manchester1 ,mr4 ,levy1 the manager of ,sanger's ,circus in ,deansgate1 asked me if ,i would appear for his benefit1 and ,i got permission from my manager to do so4 ,the night came4 ,i did my clown's business and after ,i had finished ,i returned to my dressing room4 ,i was just undressing1 when ,i heard the door locked1 and the next moment ,i saw something move in the distance in the corner of my dark dressing room4 ,it was one of the lions4 ,i was so frightened that ,i lost speech4 ,i made myself as little as ,i could and did a bit of horizontal bar on the rafters1 and after being there about ten minutes1 the door was unlocked4 ,it was just a practical joke and ,i think the lion was more alarmed than even ,i was4 ,it took about three or four men to shove him out3 he was so old1 poor old dear6 ,this poor lion was as docile as a kitten1 but ,i was not supposed to know that6 ,some sort of joking was always going on among the boys4 ,i remember once at ,astley's we let four of the lions loose one evening for a lark4 ,it was more of a lark than we had bargained for4 ,lions wanted catching in a large place like that--and at the last we had to beg ,cooper1 the lion tamer1 to get them back in their cage4 ,another practical joke and ,i come to the end of my boyish 8whimsicalities40 ,there was a clown once with ,adams' ,circus called ,nat ,emmatt1 and he had a performing goat4 ,nat was always very nasty to us boys1 was always getting us in trouble1 and we determined to get our own back4 ,on one occasion ,emmatt was in the ring and his goat was waiting at the wing doors to go in the arena4 ,now this goat had a funny little tail1 and we tied a halfpenny squib to the excrescence1 set the squib alight and sent him in the arena4 ,the antics that goat performed with 8bang1 bang0 going at his latter end1 and the fury of ,nat ,emmatt1 sent the audience into convulsions4 ,of course1 they thought it was part of the show4 ,a reward was offered to find out who frightened the goat1 but the culprit was never discovered4 ,summing up my young days1 ,i can honestly say that in spite of its hardships the circus life of yore had its attractions4 ,the travelling from town to town1 the buzz1 the din1 the excitement of fairs1 the admiration and wonder of the gaping rustics1 the jovial meetings of old chums1 the comparison of experiences1 were delights which don't exist in these days4 ,what a pride it was to herald the coming of a circus by a procession through some sleepy country town1 the company in full dress1 the wild animals staring with all their eyes1 the band blaring and banging its loudest1 boxed up in a sort of triumphal car of gold and scarlet1 and strongly reminding one of the gigantic trophies of gingerbread on the fair stalls6 ,then there were the catastrophes1 which were bound to occur even in the best regulated shows1 and the expedients to be thought out at a moment's notice to overcome them--the chances whether expenses were going to be paid or not--the vagaries of the weather--the bad or good temper as the case might be of the proprietor6 ,all was delightfully uncertain2 sometimes disappointing1 sometimes exhilarating1 but one thing was never absent--the sense of freedom--and so long as we pleased our audiences our mission of life was fulfilled4 ,for a long time it seemed as though ,i was glued to travelling circus life4 ,yet ,i had dreams that some day ,i should do something better4 ,i had wild ideas of becoming an actor1 but at the moment when ,i was clowning in the ring and earning my name of 8,whimsical0 ,walker there didn't seem the ghost of a chance of these ideas ever being realised4 ,those days were not these days when actors and actresses without any training suddenly jump into notoriety 7for a time7 so long as they have some link with 8,society40 ,their reputation is established when the illustrated papers deem them of sufficient importance to photograph them playing with their pet dogs in their back gardens1 or when they get themselves talked about through some eccentricity of conduct--outside the theatre4 ,hard work1 talent1 study of the histrionic art1 appear nowadays to be the last things necessary to success4 ,it is too often a question of self-advertisement4 ,it was not so during the period of which ,i am writing1 and of course1 earlier4 ,the would-be actor and actress without any qualification beyond vanity and ambition and maybe influence and money1 had not a look-in4 ,the old managers would have turned up their noses at such presumption4 ,you had to begin at the beginning and know your profession from ,a to ,z before you were regarded seriously4 ,what did that queer showman ,richardson say of ,macready1 who1 though the son of a theatrical manager1 had not gone through the drudgery of mumming at a fair8 ,when the great actor was well-known ,richardson was asked if he had ever seen him4 8,no1 master10 was the blunt answer4 8,i knows nothing about him2 in fact1 he's some wagabone as nobody knows--one o' them chaps as ain't had any eddication for the thing4 ,he never was with me as ,edmund ,kean an' them ,riglars was40 ,many of 8them ,riglars10 afterwards famous in their day1 from ,henry ,irving downwards1 if they didn't start with the immortal ,richardson1 commenced their career in some acting booth of very much the same character4 ,so1 ,i repeat1 there was just the possibility of fame for me if ,i stuck at what ,i was doing4 ,but this is just what ,i didn't do--at least for a time4 ,i was nearly out of my teens when after all kinds of circus ups and downs1 picking up bits of knowledge that came in useful subsequently1 ,i decided to become an actor6 ,the life looked easier4 ,being on a walking tour--not from choice1 but for the simple reason that ,i wasn't able to comply with the slight formality which had to be gone through with the booking clerk at the railway station before they would permit me to ride--,i eventually arrived at ,carlisle and found myself with ,royston's ,temple of the ,drama1 otherwise ,royston's ,mumming ,booth4 ,i was in time to lend a hand with the tilt1 and with aid of a hammer and a few tacks we had it erected in readiness for the evening performance4 ,i smiled at the manager1 expecting some slight recompense for my exertions1 but all he said was3 8,laddie1 you have helped us out of a great hole2 ,i will repay you2 you shall to-night play #8,little ,willie' in #8,east ,lynne1' and in the second part you shall play the ghost in #8,hamlet'--and do your spade dance in the graveyard scene40 ,i pointed out to him that ,i knew neither of the parts4 ,he said1 8,you can read40 ,i admitted the fact4 8,good--we have a doll in the bed for the dying scene in #8,east ,lynne'--you will be underneath and read the part4 ,as the #8,ghost' you will read from the part which you will carry as a baton4 ,don't you worry1 ,i'll make a first-class actor of you yet40 ,i thanked him and asked him about money4 ,he gazed at me as if ,i had suddenly told him the ,home ,secretary would hold him out no hope of a reprieve4 8,money1 money10 he gasped4 8,you won't need money--you'll live on the fat of the land2 the audience will present you with eggs--cabbages--carrots60 ,he was right66 ,they did66 ,it was a repetition of the old time days in ,ireland when the audiences paid for their admission in kind4 ,when on the ,saturday night a settlement had to be arrived at1 ,i joined with the other performers round the drum4 ,my share came to the magnificent sum of #i;d4 ,i was about to gather up my hard-earned money when a man appeared saying he wanted the ground rent1 and my ninepence went towards making up the amount6 ,after this experience ,i returned to the circus life once more1 and from ,royston's ,i went to ,footit's ,circus1 and we opened at ,nottingham4 ,of all the towns in ,england ,i think ,i liked ,nottingham as well as any4 ,the free-hearted factory lasses and chaps went mad over the circus1 and ,i was always sure of raising a laugh whenever ,i wanted one4 ,the audiences were out for pleasure and fun1 and were not ashamed to show their feelings4 ,i think of the ,nottingham crowds who now fill the picture palaces1 often as mum as mice1 and wonder if they can laugh as heartily as they did in the days of ,footit's ,circus6 ,,chapter ,,iii ,am engaged at ,astley's4 ,the curious history of the theatre4 ,sanger's odd expedient against fire4 ,i am a soldier for one night in 8,fair ,rosamond40 ,recreation at the 8,bower ,saloon40 ,i play the part of a monk4 ,the monks' revenge on an obnoxious actor4 ,a fight with 8,richard ,,iii40 ,am pitched into the orchestra4 ,i join ,adams' ,circus in ,yorkshire4 ,i make ,marwood1 the hangman1 laugh4 ,am an unsatisfactory witness in a police court case4 ,sometime during #ahgc ,i came to ,london and obtained an engagement at ,astley's4 ,astley's was not the old circus of ,ducrow and other 8,ring0 celebrities1 but the transformed building1 at least so far as the outside walls were concerned1 of ,mr4 ,dion ,boucicault1 who in #ahfc rebuilt it with very highflown notions4 ,he proposed to call the new theatre the 8,westminster0 and to devote it to the 8legitimate0 drama4 ,the project came to grief hopelessly4 ,the public refused to recognise the 8,westminster10 which wasn't in ,westminster but in ,lambeth4 ,astley's it always had been and ,astley's it was to remain to the end of its days4 ,the 8legitimate0 fled--to use the words of old ,ducrow on one occasion--the 8cackle0 was 8cut10 and horses came into their own once more4 ,but they did not reign supreme1 for that eccentric showman ,e4 ,t4 ,smith1 who was always out for something 8original10 tried the experiment in #ahfe of combining a circus with opera6 ,it was of course an utter failure4 ,then ,sanger's had their home there for a time1 and during #ahgb ,lord ,george ,sanger 7who by the way laid the foundation of his fortune in a penny show with 8,maria ,martin07 took the place on a lease from ,mr4 ,batty and transmogrified the interior1 opening with a pantomime at ,christmas #ahgb4 ,mr4 ,boucicault's experiment had completely spoilt the theatre for circus purposes and ,lord ,george ,sanger restored the ring1 re-arranged and re-decorated the auditorium1 and 8,astley's0 was almost itself again1 but with a difference4 ,there was now a stage as well as a ring4 ,sanger's did not forget to set forth the glories of the new home with the old name4 8,no2 ,astley's not gone to dust and ashes0--ran one advertisement affectionately4 8,we have come to the rescue--we have spent a fortune to restore the dear old place0--and this was no more than the sober truth4 ,a singular contrivance to satisfy the public that ,astley's would not be burnt down was the novel idea of turning the gas pipes into water pipes should there be any necessity for the transformation6 8,in case of emergency10 ran the announcement1 8any person by turning a lever will be able to convert the whole of the gas jets into water outlets40 ,lord ,george1 however1 did not reckon with his elephants4 ,one of the huge beasts broke loose the day before the opening of the theatre1 smashed a water main which supplied the gas-water pipes1 and ruined the act 99 99 99 99 99 ,missing text in the printed source4 99 99 99 99 99 drop6 ,the fashion of the day in circus titles--8,william the ,conqueror and the pretty white horse with the golden hoof0--was fairly well indicated by the title of the piece which formed the principal attraction4 ,but before a year was out ,lord ,george ,sanger discovered that his own name was quite as good for the public as was ,astley's1 and certainly more gratifying to himself4 ,in the late autumn of #ahgc he announced with a great flourish of trumpets the production of ,mr4 ,akhurst's spectacular play1 8,fair ,rosamond1 or the ,days of the ,plantagenets40 ,stories of the feudal times had apparently caught on with the public4 ,lord ,george ,sanger was not one to hide his light under a bushel and he gave evidence of this in the following advertisement3 8,sanger's ,grand ,national ,amphitheatre4 ,late ,astley's4 ,the proprietors do publicly challenge the entire profession to equal the exciting and effective scene of the ,battle of ,bridgenorth4 ,fifty trained horses in the great fight40 ,as for the spectacle itself1 to go over the list fairly takes one's breath away4 ,here it is3 8,the ,landing of ,king ,henry at ,portsmouth1 the ,grand ,procession at ,winchester1 ,coronation in ,westminster ,abbey1 the ,great ,battle of ,bridgenorth1 the ,great ,scene ,morning after the ,battle1 the ,bower at ,woodstock1 the ,cloisters of ,canterbury ,cathedral1 ,interior of ,canterbury ,cathedral1 ,assassination of ,a',beckett--with four other grand tableaux40 ,the names read beautifully and it seems almost a shame to spoil the effect by relating1 as ,i shall shortly have to do1 an inglorious episode in which ,i took part4 ,the play was produced on ,november #ast1 #ahgc1 and preceded the ,christmas pantomime4 ,it was at ,astley's in this very 8,fair ,rosamond0 that1 not discouraged by my failure at ,royston's mumming booth1 ,i made my second attempt to become a great actor4 ,the play came on after the circus business1 in which ,i had a share1 was over4 ,for arena purposes half the stage1 which was adaptable1 was removed1 and restored when the drama came on4 ,i had to play the part of a soldier1 together with three others4 ,we all wore beautiful armour4 ,the words we had to say did not want much study4 ,they comprised two only1 8,to ,canterbury10 in reply to our ,captain's question1 8,where goest thou80 uttered with all the haughtiness demanded by melodrama4 ,i was only a little chap at this time and my suit of armour had been made for a man quite six feet high4 ,i'm not sure that ,i looked a very noble warrior2 at all events the audience didn't think so1 and the gallery and the pit yelled at me4 ,again1 ,i was a failure at serious acting and my second essay lasted one night only4 ,somehow ,i had the knack of always doing something wrong1 and ,i fancy ,i often involved my three companions into scrapes1 and unfortunately one of the actors named ,lee made matters worse by telling tales of our misdoings to the stage manager4 ,lee was really a fine actor and ,i daresay our blunderings were a real source of annoyance to him4 ,practically1 so far as acting was concerned1 we were given the sack1 but this didn't quell the dramatic ardour which possessed us1 and we found solace1 after our circus business was over1 in visits to the 8,bower0 in ,stangate1 not far from ,astley's4 ,the 8,bower0--its full name was the 8,bower ,saloon10 but no one ever thought of calling it so--was then falling into decay1 but it was still struggling to maintain its reputation as the only rival to the 8,vic0 as a home of gory melodramas4 ,whatever the 8,bower0 may have looked like in its best days1 it had now become grimy and shabby1 and the audience was of the rowdiest4 ,it probably would not hold many more than some #ejj people4 8,sweeney ,todd0 and 8bluggy0 plays of a like lurid character formed the staple bill of fare1 and we were able to revel in gore comfortably seated in the royal box1 for which we paid twopence a piece4 ,if ,i'd known as much about the 8,bower0 at that time as ,i've learned since ,i should probably have looked upon it with more interest and respect4 ,it was in ,stangate--a somewhat slummy street1 swept away1 ,i think1 for the approaches of ,st4 ,thomas ,hospital1 and in ,stangate close to the 8,bower0 once lived the father of the great ,grimaldi4 ,mr4 ,h4 ,g4 ,hibbert in his 8,a ,playgoer's ,memories0 reminds us that that erratic genius1 ,robson1 commenced his career at the 8,bower10 and further points out a curious if remote connection between the 8,bower0 and the 8,belle of ,new ,york40 ,musgrove1 who produced this ,american musical play in ,london and made a fortune out of it1 married a relative of the once popular ,irish comedian ,george ,hodson1 one of whose daughters was ,miss ,henrietta ,hodson1 who became the wife of ,mr4 ,labouchere4 ,george ,hodson was at one time the manager of the 8,bower0 and thus supplied the chain which linked this sordid place of amusement with the bright and brilliant 8,belle40 ,our studies of the drama as it was presented at the 8,bower0 were eventually discovered1 and the ,astley manager expressed his displeasure--why1 ,i couldn't understand1 unless he thought the spectacle of murders 7it was the murders which we really went to see7 were corrupting our taste4 ,anyway he stalked into the 8,bower0 one night1 and spotting us1 enquired sternly what we were doing there4 ,our excuse that as we were not wanted on the ,astley stage we had come to pick up what we could of acting at the 8,bower0 was not considered satisfactory1 and we were bundled back to ,astley's and given another chance as monks4 ,now ,mr4 ,lee played 8,fair ,rosamond's0 father1 and he had a fine tragic scene of which he made the most1 especially in his death scene1 where he was supposed to be shot through the heart by an arrow on the battlefield4 ,having a number of trained horses on the establishment it was not to be supposed a chance of producing a realistic effect would be lost sight of1 so a whole batch of 8gees0 were brought on the stage and represented the dead and dying4 ,our duty as monks was to pick up the body of ,rosamond's father1 place it on a bier and carry the latter round the battlefield among the defunct quadrupeds4 ,we were longing to get our own back on ,lee1 and one night as we were doing the usual mournful promenade to slow music one of the horses started kicking4 ,mr4 ,lee suspected the monks were at the bottom of the 8certain liveliness10 and ,i'm afraid he wasn't far wrong4 ,but this was only the preliminary to our plot4 ,before the next performance one of the handles attached to the bier was half sawn through1 and it only wanted a little jerk to bring about a catastrophe4 ,sure enough that catastrophe arrived4 ,down fell the body2 the audience yelled with delight and shouted for him to die again1 much to ,mr4 ,lee's disgust1 because he knew full well that it was not his fine acting they wanted to see1 but merely the collapse of the corpse4 ,another row with the stage manager followed1 with the result that the monks were unfrocked and not allowed again to figure in 8,fair ,rosamond40 ,i was then tried as a ,lancashire soldier in ,richard ,,iii4 ,i had to fight the ,king1 who of course was mounted on 8,white ,surrey40 ,the horse that played the part was a very vicious brute1 and when ,i saw him put his ears back and show his teeth ,i made sure he was going for me4 ,i retreated1 and backing a little too much1 fell over the footlights on to a fiddler4 ,that did it4 ,i was fished out of the orchestra a very discomfited warrior1 and this was the end of my acting career at ,astley's4 ,my connection with ,astley's abruptly terminating 7,i never appeared there again7 ,i joined ,adams' ,circus1 well-known in those days in the various towns of ,yorkshire4 ,off and on ,i was a member of ,adams' ,company for a considerable time1 and strictly speaking1 the episodes ,i am about to relate did not take place until some years after my first engagement1 but as ,i shall not have occasion to refer to ,adams again1 ,i insert them here4 ,we were at ,leeds1 the circus being stationed in ,cudbright ,street4 ,charles ,peace had just been condemned1 and ,armley gaol1 to which he had been consigned after his trial1 being just outside ,leeds1 nothing else but the murderer and his extraordinary career was being talked about4 ,on this particular night ,mr4 ,adams and ,i1 after the performance1 looked in at one of the hotels1 and while we were there a gentleman sitting close by recognised ,mr4 ,adams1 and said he3 8,i saw your show to-night and ,i knew you again4 ,you were riding that beautiful ,arab40 ,mr4 ,adams said that was so1 and the stranger went on3 8,who was that funny cuss who had some fits and performed on the high stilts80 ,mr4 ,adams1 pointing to me1 said that ,i was the individual4 8,i'm very pleased10 was the rejoinder2 8,you made me laugh40 ,he handed me his card1 which ,i didn't bother about1 as cards were often forced upon me1 but thrust it into my pocket4 ,that night ,i stuck it with others on the mantelpiece in my room and went to bed4 ,in the morning ,i looked at the card1 and something like a shudder went over me when my eyes fell on the inscription 8,marwood1 ,executioner40 ,that very morning he executed ,peace4 ,it may sound absurd1 but ,i could not eat any breakfast1 nor could ,i get the man out of my mind for weeks1 for ,i had shaken hands with him6 ,by way of contrast to this gruesome memory ,i recall an odd incident which happened when ,adams' ,circus was at ,bradford4 ,the circus stood on the ground where is now the ,midland ,station1 and ,i lived up the hill and every night had to pass the 8,ring of ,bells10 where open house was kept1 and where ,i was a welcome visitor4 ,one night ,i looked in while a fearful row was going on between the landlord and a customer1 a tailor4 ,the row was terminated in summary fashion by the landlord kicking the tailor out of the house4 ,the tailor retaliated by obtaining a summons for assault1 and ,i found myself subpnaed as a witness4 ,while we were waiting for the case to come off1 and the time hanging heavy on our hands1 plaintiff1 defendant and witness went to the nearest hostelry4 ,i became an object of special interest to both sides1 and they stood treat very liberally4 ,the result was that when we got back to the court and the case was called ,i was feeling unusually fit4 ,what happened was something like this4 ,after the parties told their stories1 which of course represented the affair in totally different lights1 ,i was told to stand in front of the magistrate1 which ,i did4 8,what have you got to say about this case80 asked his worship4 8,nothing10 said ,i4 8,well1 what are you doing here then80 8,i don't know10 was all ,i could think of saying4 ,case dismissed6 ,but the witness hadn't finished distinguishing himself4 ,as ,i was leaving the court ,i was passing a form on which two or three policemen were sitting4 ,i needn't say that ,i fell over this form and that the policemen fell with me4 ,but nothing came of it--they knew who ,i was4 ,by the way1 it may be of interest at the present time to note that those were days of amazing prosperity among the coal miners4 ,champagne was such a common drink that at ,barnsley it was known as 8colliers' pop40 ,it was at ,barnsley that ,i was invited to go down a coal mine4 ,with my usual want of thought it never occurred to me that about the last costume one would select for such a visit was a light summer suit and hat to match4 ,i needn't say that when ,i reappeared after my ramble down among the coals ,i looked fit to go to a funeral4 ,illustration3 ,the best friend ,i ever had in the ,theatrical ,profession ,,chapter ,,iv ,a turning point in my career4 ,i accept an offer to go to ,america and travel with ,john ,h4 ,murray's ,railroad ,circus4 ,the discomforts of crossing the ,atlantic4 ,the adventures of a jar of whisky4 ,our opening show at ,harlum a success4 ,blowing up 8,hell ,gate40 ,new ,york scared4 ,odd experiences down south4 ,an indignant darkie thirsts for my blood4 ,the clown not understood in ,america4 ,a ,yankee who didn't like my 8general appearance40 ,a ,pittsburg 8burglar40 ,i return to ,england4 ,while at ,sheffield there came a turning point to my career4 ,i was still with ,adams' ,circus 7perhaps ,i might mention that some little time before this ,i had got married7 which had its 8pitch0 in ,station ,road1 and a manager who happened to see me clowning came up to me after the performance and startled me by asking without any preface3 8,how would you like to go to ,america80 ,the question rather took my breath away and ,i stared blankly at him for a few moments4 ,however1 ,i had presence of mind enough to say3 8,all right1 if you make it worth my while4 ,but you'll have to let me finish my engagement here40 ,he agreed to this1 so ,i went that night to his hotel and we fixed the thing up1 ,i signing a contract to travel with ,john ,h4 ,murray's ,railroad ,circus for #bg weeks in ,america4 ,a little later ,i was at ,liverpool after a grand send-off at ,sheffield4 ,adams' ,company all wished me good luck1 and ,i departed in the best of spirits4 ,having my wife with me and a little baby about two months old1 we had a few preparations to make1 but at last all was ready1 and we settled down on board the steamship ,italy4 ,we had a comfortable state room given us4 ,my wife's berth was at the bottom and mine at the top4 ,on the opposite side was a settee4 ,i was specially privileged1 being the only one allowed to burn a little light through the night--because of the baby4 ,at that time there were no gigantic racing ,cunard and ,white ,star liners1 and our vessel1 though of good size1 gave us more than we liked of the notorious ,atlantic 8roll40 ,on the third night out at sea a storm came on2 we were not allowed to go on deck1 and our imprisonment ended in our being battened down4 ,i was a fair sailor but my wife wasn't1 and as for the baby it did not seem to care much which it was4 ,a tremendous wave hit the ship and she staggered under it4 ,the passengers in the saloon were seized with a panic and started singing psalms1 which somehow didn't add much to our confidence4 ,my wife made sure we were all going down1 and in the middle of the hubbub the baby took a header out of the bunk and rolled under the settee1 where it fixed itself until the ship gave a lurch in the opposite direction1 and back came baby a bit scared but not much hurt4 ,of course1 the ,providence which is said to have a special care for babies and drunken men was at hand somewhere4 ,what with my wife crying and what with the psalm singers and the baby yelling its loudest1 my customary self-possession nearly deserted me1 but in that unpleasant moment my 8whimsicality0 came to my rescue as it has often done when ,i've been in a tight corner4 ,i had a happy thought and ,i'll tell you what it was4 ,it so happened that on my coming on board some friend--,i forget the name of the good ,samaritan--presented me with a gallon of ,scotch whisky of the right sort4 ,why not sample it in the hour of distress8 was my question1 which ,i at once answered in the affirmative by opening the wooden box which held the jar and extracting the bung1 refreshed myself with a good 8go40 ,much comforted1 ,i climbed into my bunk and dropped off to sleep4 ,towards morning ,i awoke and was conscious of an awful smell of whisky4 ,at first ,i thought it was a dream1 but this idea soon vanished4 ,the whisky aroma was too real4 ,the very atmosphere seemed saturated with it4 ,i looked over the side of my bunk and saw that the jar had rolled out of the box and had smashed itself against an iron trough which ran under the settee1 and so round the steamer by the bulwarks4 ,i jumped out of my bunk and in my half-sleepy condition seeing the trough full of liquid ,i imagined the latter was simply whisky and water1 and that all ,i had to do was to bale it out to prevent the passengers in the next state room being annoyed by the smell4 ,i seized a big head sponge and the jug of my wash basin and began sopping up the contents of the trough4 ,i don't know how many times ,i filled and emptied the jug and still the trough was as full of whisky and water 7as ,i thought7 as ever4 ,then it dawned upon me that ,i was1 like ,mrs4 ,partington1 trying to mop up the ,atlantic6 ,for the trough running as it did round the ship and at the stern allowing the steering chains to pass through1 was always full of water4 ,it was a sad business losing every drop of the precious whisky1 but in these days of 8,dora0 and 8,pussyfoot0 it would have been a dire disaster4 ,i daresay this reads like a trivial incident1 but somehow trivialities have a way of sticking in the memory4 ,apart from the whisky catastrophe1 the voyage was a terrible one--it lasted #ag days--and when the ship arrived at ,new ,york she was minus two boats and the deck smoking saloon4 ,however1 the warmth of our reception made us forget all our troubles4 ,we drove direct to a boarding house1 ,no4 #ge1 ,third ,avenue1 corner of ,fourteenth ,street1 kept by ,mrs4 ,scholes1 and ,i made ready for my opening matinee at ,harlum1 ,new ,york4 ,i was at once at home with my audience1 and it is no exaggeration to say that ,i was a tremendous success and so also was my wife1 who was a member of the company and a fine rider and tight rope dancer4 ,i have never been able to define precisely what amuses an audience4 ,i believe it is a question of inspiration and maybe some sympathetic feeling which brings the performer and his public together1 goodness knows why or wherefore4 ,anyhow1 all ,i can say of my first experiment with a ,new ,york audience was that it really consisted of putting in h's where they ought not to be1 and the cockneyism went down immensely4 ,fate ordained that in this1 my first visit to ,new ,york1 the great business of blowing up ,hell ,gate1 a huge rock in the middle of the river1 should take place4 ,we were living at ,houston ,street at the time1 not far from the scene of action1 and everybody was in a state of the utmost alarm4 ,the air was full of rumours1 the least of which was that half ,new ,york would be destroyed by the concussion4 ,not a few of the residents in ,houston ,street removed their furniture and took refuge in ,hoboken4 ,all the people in the house where ,i was were prepared for the roof to fall in1 and the floors to close telescope fashion4 ,the time for the explosion arrived4 ,the little daughter of the chief of the police touched a little electric button--the rock flew into fragments and--that was all4 ,nothing else happened1 not even a pane of glass was broken4 ,but we all felt very much better4 ,i have fears that my recollections of my first ,american tour are rather mixed4 ,we went to so many places4 ,everything was so new and fresh1 so different from what we had been accustomed to in old ,england4 ,there were no gaping rustics2 no sleepy picturesque villages4 ,no old churches4 ,no inviting quaint hostelries4 ,no rippling streams and moss-grown bridges4 ,when we went down south1 for instance1 we found audiences divided4 ,the whites would not sit with the blacks4 ,but of the two ,i preferred the blacks4 ,my word1 they could laugh6 ,one couldn't help being funny when one saw their black eyes rolling till you saw almost nothing but the whites1 and their gleaming teeth stretching nearly from ear to ear6 ,but it was as well to be on your guard4 ,once ,i had to sing a song with the words like these3 ,there was an old woman who had three sons1 ,benjamin1 ,james1 and ,john1 ,one got lost1 one got hung ,the other was lost and never was found1 ,that was an end of the three sons4 ,i thought it would be a good joke to sit down by the side of a fat old negress whom ,i had spotted in the audience and say to the ,ringmaster1 8,here's a discovery40 8,where80 8,why1 here40 8,what do you mean80 8,why1 here's the old lady who had three sons1 ,benjamin1 ,james and ,john40 ,at this point ,i left the old lady1 rushed into the arena1 and whilst the audience were laughing1 a man next to this old woman1 also a nigger1 stuck his hand behind his back4 8,look out10 suddenly whispered ,mr4 ,murray1 the proprietor1 to me1 8he's going to pop you off40 ,that meant to shoot me4 ,i said1 8,is he80 ,well1 you know there is a pole that keeps the circus tent up in the centre1 so ,i made myself as thin as possible against this pole1 and directly the horse came round covering me from the nigger1 ,i ran out of the ring into my dressing room and disguised myself4 ,after the performance was over this outraged black gentleman wanted to find the clown who had insulted his mother4 ,said he1 sticking out his chest with pride1 8,she never had any sons but me40 ,i never tried that wheeze any more and ,i was glad to get out of the town1 for ,i was told that had this good son1 who was so ready to defend the honour of his mother1 had an opportunity1 he would most certainly have put a bullet into me4 ,perhaps a greater contrast between ,england and ,america could hardly be found than in their respective ideas about pantomime4 ,pantomime is 7perhaps ,i ought to say was1 for ,i'm afraid the juveniles of to-day have very little opportunity of seeing the real old-fashioned harlequinade7 one of the cherished traditions of the ,english boy4 ,fifty years ago grown-ups had not come to look upon the pantomime as silly and vulgar4 ,to children the clown with his mixed notions of meum and tuum was an old friend2 the pantaloon1 his companion and scapegoat in crime1 hardly less so4 ,if the child's notions as to the precise object of the mysterious flittings on and off the stage of the harlequin and columbine were a little hazy it did not much matter2 they completed the picture4 ,but in ,america--well1 a disagreeable experience of mine showed what was thought of the clown on the other side of the ,atlantic4 ,on one occasion ,i was standing at the back of the curtain waiting for the signal to enter the arena1 when a formidable looking gentleman who had somehow found his way in behind the circus1 came up to me and stared me in the face4 ,i could see he wasn't quite sober1 but this didn't make him any the less dangerous4 ,i was in my clown's dress and painted up2 and looking at me with every sign of disapprobation he coolly pulled out a revolver4 8,say1 damn you10 he drawled1 8,i'm going to pop you off40 ,i knew the fellow meant shooting1 but ,i showed no signs of alarm and remarked quietly1 8,why should you8 ,i've never done you any harm4 ,you don't even know me4 ,i only arrived in this town with the circus this morning40 8,no1 you've done me no harm1 but ,i don't like your general appearance40 ,and without a doubt he would have expressed his dislike in a more decided fashion1 but at that moment one of the circus employees came along1 hit him on the back of his neck with the palm of his hand1 wrested the revolver from him and threw him down4 ,my rescuer was only just in time1 for the fellow meant mischief4 ,it turned out that he was very drunk and on the verge of ,d4,t4 ,but would an ,englishman in the same condition have a horror of the harmless clown8 ,i fancy not4 ,in those days the revolver in ,america was far too handy to please me4 ,when we were in ,pittsburg murderous outrages were of constant occurrence1 and one night my wife and ,i had quite a scare at the hotel where we were staying4 ,she had gone to her room as usual and ,i remained downstairs playing billiards4 ,after a couple of games ,i went up to the bedroom1 opened the door1 and there saw my wife sitting up in bed trembling with fright4 ,she dared not speak1 but calling pantomime business to her aid1 she easily made me understand that a burglar was under the bed6 ,i pantomimed back that ,i would go out of the room and fetch my six-shooter4 ,i did so1 made some kind of noise1 opened the door and stalked in1 calling out in a rough voice3 8,come from under that bed or ,i'll fire40 ,he crawled out--not a burglar1 but a poor little collie dog wagging his tail in the most friendly manner4 ,the collie belonged to the hotel proprietor1 of whom ,i bought him for a #aj-;cent cigar4 ,in my customary fashion with all the animals ,i ever had1 ,i soon taught him no end of tricks1 and he travelled with me during the rest of my tour in ,america4 ,he was the best of pals and always looked after me in the most amusing fashion at the various restaurants where ,i dined and supped4 ,i was very sad when the poor animal ,i had come to love so much was run over by a tramcar in ,omaha and killed4 ,,chapter ,v ,my second visit to ,america4 ,a caravan journey across the prairies and the ,rockies from ,new ,york to ,san ,francisco4 ,my experiences with ,red ,indians4 ,a novel treatment of fever4 ,performances at ,san ,francisco1 ,java and ,australia4 ,return to ,new ,york4 ,a 8spiritualistic0 swindle4 ,am engaged by ,barnum1 ,bailey and ,hutchinson4 ,the baby elephant born in the show becomes my playmate4 ,an elephant's wonderful memory4 ,my mysterious mission to ,paris under 8sealed orders40 ,what the sealed letter contained--instructions to buy 8,jumbo40 ,agitation in ,london over the proposed sale of the big elephant4 ,the ,zoological ,society accept ,barnum's offer4 ,proceedings in ,chancery4 ,the matter settled4 8,jumbo's0 opposition4 ,the true story of the delay4 ,a mishap to his car4 ,i shall never forget my second visit to ,america in #ahgi4 ,it was the most delightful and novel experience a man could possibly have4 ,imagine travelling entirely by caravan and on foot right across prairie and mountain from ,new ,york to ,san ,francisco1 meeting little else but buffaloes and ,red ,indians6 ,we had sixty horses with us1 an ,indian guide to lead the way1 and it was a perfect holiday the whole time1 a portion of the route taking us from ,portland 7,oregon71 above the ,conjoin ,valley1 as far as ,seattle and through the ,rockies amid the wildest and most romantic scenery4 ,this was before the ,klondyke rush and ,seattle was then a tiny village4 ,our interviews with the various tribes of ,indians we encountered were most interesting4 ,i expected to find them in their war paint1 but it was not so4 ,they were beginning to forget their native customs under the influence of ,american domination4 ,they had not long since had definite territory assigned them2 they were no longer free to wander where they pleased1 and they were very sore about it4 ,when they found we were ,english they were most friendly4 ,had we been ,americans ,i'm afraid we should have had a reception of quite a different character4 ,the tribe of ,indians which escorted our caravans was the ,pendeton1 and they were very useful when we wanted water for our horses and did not know where to get it4 ,we were easily understood1 for most of them spoke very good ,english4 ,at first we had the old-fashioned idea that they were treacherous1 but they were nothing of the kind4 ,i found them a grand people4 ,they took an immense fancy to our coloured costumes and once one of their chiefs--a fine old fellow of eighty--said to me in his solemn way3 8,i like those coloured things you've on40 ,the coloured things were the variegated tights ,i was wearing in the little entertainment we were giving them1 and ,i made him put them on1 which he did--over his ordinary dress4 ,oh1 what a sight6 ,his friends screamed with delight1 and nothing would satisfy them but my putting on the rest of the costume and doing a war-dance in which they joined4 ,it was rare fun4 ,one day we were short of food and the friendly old chief discovering this1 said something in his own tongue to one of the young men who vanished and in about half an hour returned loaded with a couple of prairie chickens procured1 how and where ,i can't say4 ,to cook the chickens they made a wood fire and planted the birds1 feathers and all1 on the top4 ,in about three-quarters of an hour the grill was ready and the cook1 giving the chickens a few taps with his hatchet1 feathers and skin all came off4 ,they were served up on a tin plate with some kind of black bread1 and ,i can only say that ,i never tasted anything more delicious in my life4 ,the sun was so scorching in the day time that we found it impossible to work the horses1 so we travelled by night4 ,the friendly ,indians continued with us and one day one of the tribe was taken very ill4 ,when this was told the chief1 he said1 8,we must halt4 ,we must find the river0--and a couple of scouts were sent on a voyage of discovery and came back with the news that there was a river about a mile away4 ,i was very curious to see the ,indian method of treatment1 in a case of fever which this was1 and the chief asked me to come with him4 ,i said ,i would1 and leaving about a dozen of the tribe to look after the caravan and horses we travelled till we got to the riverside4 ,here some of the men scooped up mud from the river bed and built a small hut with it4 ,then lighting a fire inside they baked it until it was like the hot room of a ,turkish bath4 ,the patient was inserted and after allowing him to remain some little time his doctors pulled him out and threw him into the river6 ,according to our ,european ideas this heroic treatment ought to have finished him1 but it didn't4 ,it finished the fever instead and in a few days the young fellow was quite well4 ,when we were through the ,rocky ,mountains our ,indian pals left us1 and two days' journey brought us opposite ,san ,francisco1 to reach which we had to cross a river in barges4 ,we remained in ,san ,francisco a week1 and from here we commenced a most extensive tour1 travelling first by boat to ,java1 where we performed1 more to give the animals exercise than anything else1 and thence to ,australia4 ,just before reaching ,australia we had rather a serious bit of trouble4 ,while crossing the bight between ,adelaide and ,fremantle the sea was so rough that the ship was in jeopardy1 and to save it we had by the captain's orders to throw some of the animals overboard4 ,with what was left of the circus we gave some performances in ,sydney and did remarkably well1 and finally we returned to ,new ,york by a different route1 after having been away some two years4 ,all that winter in ,new ,york ,i was 8resting40 ,the time passed pleasantly as ,i had made a good many friends1 and among them ,sammy ,booth1 the printer1 in ,centre ,street4 ,mr4 ,booth--dear old gentleman--was always ready with a good cigar1 and we had many a chat1 for he loved to hear yarns about the old country4 ,i had1 of course1 often heard stories of ,yankee smartness1 and during my acquaintance with ,mr4 ,booth ,i had personal experience of what ,i think ,i may call a super-instance of this characteristic supposed to be peculiar to ,america4 ,one day while in ,mr4 ,booth's office a well-dressed man of affable manners called and gave the firm a very big order to flood ,new ,york with posters announcing a gigantic series of spiritualistic manifestations1 for which he had hired the ,academy of ,music in ,fourteenth ,street1 at that time the finest theatre in ,new ,york4 ,mr4 ,booth accepted the order and invited some of his friends1 of whom ,i was one1 to go with him on the night in question4 ,we arrived at the ,academy to find the place packed to the roof4 ,the drop went up1 discovering a gentleman at a piano and a row of about twelve chairs4 ,then the lecturer in immaculate evening dress made his appearance and after an elaborate bow asked the assistance of twelve gentlemen of the audience1 requesting them to step on to the stage 8to prove that there is no deception in my spiritualism40 ,upon this ,mr4 ,booth1 myself and the others mounted the stage and seated ourselves on the twelve chairs4 ,the lecturer politely thanked us and went on to say that while he was away robing himself the gentleman at the piano would favour the audience with a selection from the national airs of ,america4 ,then he made his exit4 ,we soon discovered that the repertoire of the gentleman at the piano was extremely limited4 ,it consisted of only one air--8,yankee ,doodle40 ,we had 8,yankee ,doodle10 8,yankee ,doodle0 over and over again ad nauseam4 ,the tune might have been a squirrel in a revolving cage or a steam roundabout organ at a country fair4 ,we waited patiently for half an hour4 ,no lecturer turned up4 ,no--nothing1 in fact1 save the eternal 8,yankee ,doodle40 ,the audience grew fidgety2 then somebody shouted1 somebody else followed1 and at last dimly realising that they had been 8had10 an indignant crowd rushed upon the stage1 bent upon taking the lives of the twelve gentlemen in the twelve chairs under the impression that they were parties in the swindle4 ,nothing but the fact of ,mr4 ,booth being extremely well-known saved us4 ,yells were heard for the money to be returned1 but no money was forthcoming1 the 8lecturer0 having hopped away with it some time before4 ,i fancy the poor piano suffered4 ,some of us had a little bit of it as a relic4 ,it had played its last 8,yankee ,doodle40 ,my next engagement was with ,barnum1 ,bailey and ,hutchinson's show1 and we opened in ,madison ,square ,gardens in ,new ,york4 ,this was in #ahhj1 when for some reason or another1 or perhaps no reason at all1 there came about a boom in elephants4 ,perhaps it was due to the attraction of 8,jumbo0 at the ,regent's ,park ,zoo1 an immense favourite--in more senses than one--with the children and believed to be the biggest tame elephant in the world4 ,anyhow1 everybody was going mad over elephants1 and we at ,barnum and ,bailey's believed we had scored over any other show in ,christendom when it was discovered that one of our lady elephants was about to become a mother4 ,all the necessary preparations were made1 expectation ran high1 and at last the youngster came into the world4 ,it at once became a celebrity and a star1 for it was the only elephant known to be born in bondage4 ,barnum and ,bailey1 you may be sure1 made the most of the treasure4 ,the birth was advertised in one way or another all over the world1 and we had doctors from every part of the ,states and a few from ,europe to see the marvellous little creature4 ,the mother of the baby elephant was called ,mother ,hebe--and a dear kind mother she was4 ,it was a pretty sight if somewhat grotesque to see her suckle the infant1 which she did in quite a human fashion and totally different from the method adopted by any other animal4 ,every afternoon at #d4cj ,i used to play with the baby elephant4 ,i was as punctual as clockwork--a very important thing in the training of an animal's affections--and ,i never missed a day4 ,when the baby was six months old ,i was nowhere in the game4 ,he was thoroughly master of me and used to enjoy butting me all over the place4 ,i do believe the old mother liked to see her son romping with me4 ,after the animals went into quarters for the winter ,i did not see my playmate for fifteen years1 when the ,barnum ,show coming to ,olympia in ,london1 ,i called and asked ,mr4 ,bailey what had become of the baby elephant4 8,you'll find him the first elephant round the corner10 said ,mr4 ,bailey4 ,i went and spoke to him and he nearly went off his head with joy1 so much so that he became really dangerous from excitement1 and ,i had to leave4 ,elephants rarely forget kindnesses1 but a fifteen years' memory was a tall order and familiar as ,i was with the ways of animals ,i was quite taken by surprise4 ,in the course of its wanderings ,barnum and ,bailey's show found itself some time in #ahha at ,chester1 ,pennsylvania4 ,one evening about five o'clock when ,i was having tea at my hotel1 ,mr4 ,bailey came in4 ,said he3 8,whimmy1 ,i want you to go to ,paris40 ,thinking he meant ,paris in ,new ,york ,state ,i said3 8,all right4 ,when80 8,well10 he returned1 8you can catch the mail train to ,new ,york to-night and catch the steamer ,alaska for ,liverpool40 8,oh1 then you mean the ,paris in ,france40 8,yes40 ,upon this ,i went to my wife and told her4 ,she agreed and suggested that while ,i was in ,england ,i might go and see the children1 who were in ,hull4 ,as for herself1 she would be quite safe in ,america as ,mr4 ,bailey would see that she was looked after4 ,then came a little mystery which made me fancy ,i was an important diplomatic agent engaged on a mission which might plunge the world into war4 8,whimmy10 said ,mr4 ,bailey1 when ,i was ready to start1 8,i wish you to give me your word of honour that you will not open this sealed envelope until you pass the ,goddess of ,liberty40 ,the ,goddess of ,liberty1 of course1 is the enormous figure which is so prominent an object to all steamers coming to or going from ,new ,york4 ,i gave my promise1 said good-bye to my wife1 and with my kit1 a couple of shirts1 socks1 collars and so on1 ,i caught the train to ,new ,york and boarded the ,alaska4 ,i needn't say that ,i was all agog with curiosity to know what my 8sealed orders0 contained1 for ,mr4 ,bailey hadn't given me the slightest idea of what my mission to ,paris meant1 and the minute the ,alaska passed the ,goddess of ,liberty ,i broke open the envelope4 ,these were the instructions ,i found inside3 8,go to the ,grand ,hotel1 ,paris4 ,there our representative1 ,davis1 is lying dangerously ill4 ,do the best for him4 ,should he have gone before you get there1 get all his papers and see him put away regardless of expense4 ,after doing your business there go to the ,zoological ,gardens and buy 8,jumbo40 ,don't give more than #e1jjj dollars1 and return after you have finished your business2 also bring the ,liliputian ,aztecs with you40 ,for some months previous the most important topic discussed in ,london was the fate of 8,jumbo40 ,the big elephant was now twenty years of age and though perfectly docile in his daily duty of giving children rides in the gardens1 and quite friendly with and obedient to ,scott1 his keeper1 had when in confinement periods of irritability4 ,there were reasons for this1 and among others was the constant gorging of buns and various dainties of the same character and the want of sufficient exercise4 ,it was known that the ,fellows of the ,royal ,zoological ,society were seriously perturbed what to do with the public's pet1 and at last it was announced that the dearly beloved 8,jumbo0 must either be sold or shot6 ,instantly a tremendous furore burst out4 ,ladies and children swarmed to the ,zoo and 8,jumbo0 had the time of his life in the way of being pampered4 ,one lady never missed a day in taking a packet to the huge beast and dropping a few tears of sympathy4 ,but the fiat had gone forth4 8,jumbo0 must be sold1 for here was ,i1 having taken on the responsibilities of ,mr4 ,davis1 representing ,barnum and ,bailey1 ready to plank down the purchase money4 ,when this fact was announced a squabble arose among the ,fellows4 ,a certain section swore by all the gods that 8,jumbo0 should not leave the country1 and applied to the ,court of ,chancery for an injunction to restrain the ,council from selling him1 on the ground that they had no power under their charter4 ,during the hearing of the application on ,march #gth1 #ahhb1 before ,mr4 ,justice ,chitty1 it was stated by the ,secretary of the ,society that ,barnum's offer had been received on ,october #abth1 #ahha1 and that it was resolved to accept this offer4 ,he considered they had delivered 8,jumbo0 to ,mr4 ,barnum when the #b1jjj was paid4 ,he then told ,barnum's agent that he was the owner of the elephant1 but that if he liked he would keep him for a short time on deposit4 ,mr4 ,bartlett1 the ,superintendent of the ,gardens1 gave some interesting evidence4 ,numerous elephants he had known had become dangerous and had killed persons and had to be shot4 8,jumbo0 had at times in the last two years shown signs of 8must40 ,last autumn he had smashed oak bars eight inches square1 lined with iron1 by striking them with his head4 ,if the ,society kept him1 they would have to build a special house for him as the present one was not strong enough4 ,the only thing that could be done when he went 8must0 would be to chain him down and put him on half rations4 ,the upshot of the matter was that ,mr4 ,justice ,chitty decided that when the secretary reported on the #bbnd ,february that the money had been paid the elephant was sold and that the ,council had power to sell4 ,in spite of this decision1 lamentations went up1 and one of 8,jumbo's0 indignant friends tried to start a subscription to keep him in the country4 ,of course1 the excitement and sentimentalism over the exodus of the big beast was all to the good from the showman's point of view4 ,mr4 ,bailey knew what he was about and he cabled to me to give a dinner to the ,press at the ,zoological ,gardens before taking away the pet of the ,british public4 ,this dinner took place on a ,friday evening and 8,jumbo0 was to leave on the following day4 ,while we were enjoying ourselves at the dinner1 ,scott1 8,jumbo's0 keeper at the ,zoo1 called me out and told me that it was impossible to ship 8,jumbo0 that night as the elephant had positively refused to enter the travelling car which had been specially prepared for his conveyance to the docks4 ,i may say that this car was of peculiar construction4 ,it was more like a tunnel than a car1 being open at both ends1 which were to be closed when 8,jumbo0 was inside4 ,so many years have elapsed and so many of those in the 8know0 have passed away that there is no harm now in telling the story of 8,jumbo0 as seen from the inside4 ,the tunnel arrangement was adopted with a view to taking 8,jumbo0 in4 ,it was thought that when he saw the trees1 grass1 flowers and so on through the end he would readily enter the tunnel under the impression that he was walking into the open air4 ,it is my belief that 8,jumbo0 was far too shrewd to be 8codded0--to use showman's slang--in this manner4 ,besides--and this is where the secret comes in--,mr4 ,barnum1 like ,pharaoh of old1 had--so to speak--hardened his heart and would not let 8,jumbo0 go4 ,why should he be in a hurry4 ,the ,english and ,american papers were paragraphing the obstinacy of 8,jumbo0 day after day1 the difficulties of removal were made as much of as possible4 ,barnum was delighted with the fantastic notion that forty millions in ,great ,britain were tearing their hair in their anguish at having to part with their beloved beast1 while fifty millions in ,america were going through the same operation lest at the eleventh hour something might happen to prevent them gloating over the possession of the precious pachyderm4 ,it was a showman's policy to keep up the excitement for the sake of the advertisement1 and so while it was made out that superhuman efforts were being made to induce 8,jumbo0 to set foot in the car1 as a matter of fact this was the last thing desired until there were signs of the strain on the public mind giving way4 ,i needn't say that ,i put on an expression of intense anxiety when ,i announced to the feasting pressmen that ,i must deal with the difficulty at once1 and as my absence did not mean any cessation of the festivities1 ,i don't think they minded my going very much4 ,the result was that ,i hurried off1 took a hansom to the ,american ,exchange1 and cabled to ,mr4 ,bailey3 8,cannot get #8,jumbo' away this week4 ,waiting instructions from you40 ,mr4 ,bailey cabled in return1 8,keep #8,jumbo' back until further orders40 ,i did4 ,i kept him for six weeks4 ,the ,persian ,monarch1 which had been chartered1 sailed without him1 and all this time 8,jumbo0 obligingly refused to enter his tunnel-car4 ,when it was considered a suitable moment 8,jumbo0 was induced to take up his quarters in the travelling box1 which with its living freight did not weigh much less than #ab tons4 ,an inclined plane had been cut in the ground to make the floor of the box level with that of the cage1 and all went well until in turning a corner in a somewhat narrow path a soft bit of gravel was reached1 some stupid person called out 8,whoa60 and the team of six powerful dray horses stopped in this awkward place4 ,before they could go on again1 the wheels had sunk down to the axles4 ,here the box remained until night4 ,the horses had to be taken out while powerful jacks were used to raise the conveyance1 which was accomplished a little before midnight1 8,jumbo0 in the meantime having alternate fits of irritation and calmness4 ,a little after #a a4m4 a fair start was made1 and at length the road outside the ,gardens was reached1 and without further mishap the car was brought alongside the ,assyrian ,monarch at ,millwall ,docks4 ,,chapter ,,vi 8,jumbo0 shipped4 ,the ,baroness ,burdett-,coutts gives him his last bun4 ,arrives safely at ,new ,york4 ,a duty of #dej demanded4 ,my awkward encounter with the ,customs officer4 ,fatal accident to 8,jumbo40 ,something about the ,aztecs4 ,their curious history4 ,i go in for theatrical management4 ,i start with pantomime at the ,metropolitan ,alcazar1 ,broadway4 ,deverna's extraordinary rubber 8properties40 ,the topical hits greatly relished4 ,the foolish penal code4 ,marriages in ,barnum's captive balloon4 ,my benefit and the misfortune that happened4 ,the gallery gives way and many people injured4 ,in five minutes ,i lose all my fortune4 ,at last the day arrived for the departure of the biggest passenger that ever left the ,british shores4 ,practically1 as a passenger1 he had the entire ship to himself 7barring a few emigrants71 for the ,assyrian ,monarch was a cargo ship and had been chartered for the purpose4 ,no monarch could have had greater honours paid him4 ,the steamer was dressed with flags and the boy crews of the training ships in the ,thames manned the yards as he went by4 ,the ,baroness ,burdett-,coutts and a party of friends bade him farewell on board the steamer and the ,baroness gave him his last bun4 ,it was said that messages recording the state of the illustrious animal's health would be placed in india rubber bags in lieu of bottles and dropped into the sea at intervals1 but whether this delicate attention was paid him ,i am unable to say1 as ,i did not travel in the ,assyrian ,monarch1 for having to reach ,new ,york some days before he did ,i went from ,liverpool4 8,jumbo0 arrived at ,jersey city on ,april #ith and by night was lodged in ,madison ,square ,gardens little the worse for the voyage1 save that he had lost half a ton in weight owing to sea sickness4 ,on the other hand he had contracted a taste for whisky1 presumably administered for medicinal reasons4 ,how much constituted a dose ,i am unable to say4 ,the ,customs authorities claimed #dej for duty1 which the owners refused to pay on the ground that 8,jumbo0 had been imported for breeding purposes4 ,the question was referred to the ,treasury and ultimately the claim was abandoned4 ,again was 8,jumbo0 specially privileged4 ,on the whole ,barnum and ,bailey made a splendid bargain4 ,what with buying him1 booming him in various ways and his transportation to ,america1 he cost #c1jjj4 ,on the other hand we cleared this sum in ,new ,york alone and during eighteen months we took #a1ejj dollars per day--equivalent to #cjj4 ,that voyage of mine to ,america was marked by a comical incident which forced me to pretend to be something ,nature had not fitted me for4 ,the night before ,i left ,london for ,liverpool ,i had a cable from ,mr4 ,bailey instructing me to bring over a prize dog as a pet for ,mrs4 ,bailey1 she having no children4 ,i brought the pug--8,punch0 was its name--,i also purchased #bd pairs of tights1 #bd pairs of theatrical boots and a silver cornet for which ,i paid #af at ,chappell's of ,bond ,street1 the cornet being for ,mr4 ,robinson1 who was the conductor of our band4 ,with all this paraphernalia ,i arrived at ,new ,york1 and in due course presented myself and my belongings at the ,customs4 ,the officer passed everything excepting the silver cornet1 at which he looked very doubtfully4 8,what have you got there80 was his question4 8,oh1 that's an implement of my trade10 said ,i1 readily enough4 8,yes8 ,and who are you80 ,this was a poser1 but ,i thought ,i was equal to it1 so ,i explained that ,i was a musical clown at ,madison ,square ,gardens4 ,the officer smiled cordially4 8,i'm real pleased to hear that10 said he4 8,come into the office and give us a few of your latest ,english tunes40 ,he wasn't contented with this 7to me7 monstrous proposal1 but actually invited some of his brother officials to form part of the audience6 ,what my consternation was like ,i cannot describe4 ,i had never blown a cornet in my life6 ,however1 ,i wasn't going to be done1 and plucking up my courage ,i followed him into the office1 brought out the cornet1 put the mouthpiece on it1 and with all the assurance of a professional musician asked the gentleman what he would like to hear4 8,play one of your own compositions10 said he4 ,i did4 ,i composed it on the spot and made the most terrible noise that ever issued from a cornet4 ,the official evidently was not impressed4 8,where's the invoice for this80 he remarked drily4 ,i showed it to him--there was no help for it4 8,ah4 ,that'll cost you so many dollars extra4 ,you'd better get out and do a bit of practice40 ,i never had such a take down and ,i felt ,i'd made a fool of myself4 ,when ,i took the cornet to ,mr4 ,robinson he said1 8,what a beauty10 but on my telling him of my adventure and what the instrument cost1 he nearly fell into a fit4 8,my dear ,whimmy10 said he laughing heartily1 8,i could have got the thing cheaper in ,new ,york40 8,jumbo's0 lost half-ton was soon made up4 ,he began speedily to put on flesh again and despite the fact that he had more exercise with the show and less buns than at the ,zoological ,gardens1 he became fat and unwieldy and certainly lazy4 ,all this led to his undoing4 ,some eighteen months after he became an ,american citizen he was being removed from one town to another1 and during the journey was taken along the railway track to avoid the crowds which were anxious to see him free1 gratis and for nothing4 ,he was proceeding along a bend in the line when a big locomotive engine was heard coming behind4 ,the driver did not see the big beast1 and 8,jumbo10 in total ignorance of his danger1 could not be induced to quicken his pace4 ,the attendants did all they could to urge him on1 but his indolence had become too strong a habit4 ,the locomotive struck him violently on the side as he was leaving the metals1 and he fell down the incline1 where he lay till his death1 which occurred some few hours after4 ,nothing could be done as he had received severe internal injuries4 ,passing from the very big to the very little ,i might say a word or two about the ,aztecs which ,barnum was so anxious to have to add to the attractions of his show4 ,they were an ugly diminutive couple with dark olive skins1 gleaming eyes and big hook noses4 ,i dare say some of my older readers may remember them being quite a rage in ,london and the provinces in the early 'sixties4 ,they were brought from ,mexico by one ,reaney1 who represented them as being the last of their race1 and as also having royal blood in their veins4 ,this may have been so1 but ,i have a suspicion that the story was a showman's fake4 ,royal or not1 they proved a mine of wealth to their exhibitors1 though they hadn't the slightest spark of interest in themselves personally4 ,they were hardly four feet high and exceedingly slightly built4 ,with their ringletted hair they looked more like dolls or wax figures from a costumier's window than human beings1 and they passed their time in smoking cigarettes and quarrelling in some kind of guttural jargon which no one but themselves understood4 ,they were a most unpleasant looking couple1 yet the ,british public clustered round them--the ladies especially--anxious to shake them by the hand1 though their palms were generally moist and dirty and very disagreeable to the touch4 ,when ,i was commissioned to take them to ,america they had lost their celebrity and had fallen very low indeed4 ,after being exhibited in a penny side booth during the last days of the ,surrey ,gardens1 where they were much more interested in their own snarlings than in the gaping visitors1 they became the property of a ,mrs4 ,morris1 who hired a shop in the ,new ,cut and turned it into a show1 and there ,i found them4 ,i may be wrong1 but to my mind1 speaking as one who has passed a good part of his life among shows and showmen1 that the taste for freaks and monstrosities once so marked a characteristic of the ,british sightseer has disappeared4 ,if so1 it is hardly to be regretted4 ,after ,i finished my season with the ,barnum and ,bailey 8,jumbo0 season in ,america ,i had saved a few thousand dollars1 so ,i thought ,i would go in for management in the theatrical business4 ,i decided to produce an ,english pantomime and made arrangements with ,deverna1 the finest theatrical property artificer in ,america4 ,deverna was marvellous in making1 among other achievements1 properties of rubber1 and he made two tramway horses--all of rubber1 so that they could be stretched right across the stage and if you let them go they would return to their proper places4 ,these two cost me a lot of money1 but they were worth it4 ,you could knock them off their feet and they would right themselves in the most startling fashion4 ,i rented the ,metropolitan ,alcazar ,theatre1 ,broadway1 ,new ,york1 from a ,mr4 ,wilson for three months4 ,i engaged a first-class company and gave them three weeks' rehearsal and set to work to produce the pantomime1 the title of which was 8,the ,three ,wishes40 ,we opened on ,december #aith1 to a big house4 ,the ,english harlequinade was a novelty to an ,american audience and ,i was curious to see how it would go down4 ,everybody1 ,i suppose1 has his own idea of fun1 and where one person sees humour another sees nothing to laugh at1 so ,i had to take my chance4 ,the result1 however1 was a success4 ,the ,new ,york ,herald was good enough to say of my efforts that they 8provoked considerable laughter40 ,it further observed that 8,deverna's splendid pantomime and ballet1 #8,les ,amours de ,venus' by ,m4 ,baptistan1 were well received4 ,many of the local scenes were recognised1 and the hits at the penal code and the peculiarities of horse car travel drew forth sympathetic applause and hearty laughter40 ,i may say in explanation of the 8hits0 at the penal code that the latter was an extraordinary enactment1 which could only have been passed when the legislative authorities were in a temporary condition of imbecility4 ,it laid down all kinds of rules and regulations as to what was proper and improper to do on ,sunday1 and a more fussy and grandmotherly scheme for interfering with individual liberty was never devised4 ,as the notoriously prudish ,comstock was the person appointed to carry out the obnoxious law1 it is pretty certain he took a keen delight in pouncing upon offenders and exacting the fine laid down for a breach of the code4 ,the ,americans are certainly an extraordinary people1 with their constant craving for excitement1 for bigness in everything1 for the almighty dollar1 and for their extreme sentimentalism4 ,they are perpetually involving themselves in contradictions4 ,at the very moment when some were howling about ,sabbatarian morality1 others were crazy over cock-fighting6 ,matches were being got up and fought in hosts of places1 not secretly but openly1 and reports of the combats were published in the papers without any apology4 ,the incongruity did not occur to me at the time1 but it did afterwards1 when ,i myself was interested in the doings of game-cocks1 as will be told in the proper place4 ,so long as you can tickle the curiosity and vanity of the ,americans and make them fancy you're going to show or give them something the rest of the world has never seen or possessed1 you're on the right lines as a showman4 ,barnum1 the prince of the profession1 discovered this as early as #ahdb when he exhibited ,general ,tom ,thumb1 and he was always bringing out something fresh and 8unique0 to the very end of his long career4 ,he was extraordinarily fertile in finding out new ways of pleasing the ,american public and incidentally making money4 ,one of his most original notions he worked out while ,i was with him4 ,he had a captive balloon for flights1 in which1 of course1 he made a charge4 ,how he came to extend this privilege into an extra special one ,i am unable to say1 but ,new ,york was one day startled by an announcement that marriages were being 8solemnised0--,i suppose this is the proper word--daily in the captive balloon6 ,and this turned out to be the case4 ,engaged couples were crazy to be married up in a balloon and ,barnum was quite ready to oblige them4 ,the balloon carried a clergyman at every trip and united the candidates in the free and easy fashion which the ,american marriage law approves4 ,of course1 he had his fee and so did ,barnum1 who charged for the flight a sum which1 though high1 was eagerly paid by the bridegroom4 ,what there was so attractive in this absurdity ,i am unable to say1 unless it enabled the couples so wedded to crow over those who had to be contented with a commonplace church or chapel4 ,to return to the ,alcazar pantomime4 ,i of course was clown1 and ,i had splendid support from ,charles ,christie1 pantaloon2 ,j4 ,f4 ,raymond1 harlequin2 ,thomas ,watson1 sprite2 and ,eva ,french1 columbine4 ,i needn't say there was any number of pretty girls in the ballet4 ,the run continued through the ,christmas holidays to ,january #crd1 which night ,i set apart for my benefit4 ,by the irony of fate that night proved to be most disastrous in my career--,i lost a fortune in less than five minutes4 ,a tremendous crowd had assembled outside the theatre1 and ,i told my manager to open the doors4 ,the house was crowded to suffocation and just when we were going to begin there was a stampede from the top gallery4 ,it had dropped two feet with the weight of the people4 ,women and children were shouting and crying--some with arms and legs broken--but1 thank ,god1 there were no lives lost4 ,there was no performance that night1 and subsequently the authorities condemned the theatre4 ,the accident had a sequel which was of grave consequence to me4 ,the people who had been injured brought actions against me and they got absolutely everything ,i had1 to the last dollar ,i had saved for five years1 and ,i was left penniless4 ,there was only one thing to do--return to ,england--so ,i borrowed #ejj dollars from ,mr4 ,bailey and took boat for ,liverpool4 ,illustration3 ,the ,royal ,windsor ,castle ,programme ,,chapter ,,vii ,i join ,hengler's ,circus at ,liverpool4 ,mr4 ,charles ,hengler's peculiarities4 ,a black or red nose8 ,an unlucky ride in the early morning after a late night4 ,i break my ankle4 ,incapacitated for two years4 ,i go with ,hengler's to ,dublin4 ,my popularity4 ,a favourite song4 ,i experiment with performing cats4 ,they have stage fright4 ,a ,dublin reporter taken aback4 8,billy ,gladstone40 ,the reporter's revenge4 ,my awkward experience on the boat to ,holyhead4 ,a 8,dick ,turpin0 impromptu ride to ,york4 ,when ,i arrived at ,liverpool1 ,hengler's ,circus chanced to be there1 and as ,mr4 ,hengler and myself were old friends ,i called upon him and was engaged4 ,some years before at ,hull ,i had made ,mr4 ,hengler's acquaintance and had got to know his peculiarities4 ,i found him a good straight man1 somewhat severe--would have his business done to his liking--and that was his success through life4 ,everything had to be the essence of cleanliness4 ,i have seen him go round the stables with his white handkerchief in his hand smoothing down the horses' backs to see if they were clean4 ,he was a terror with the grooms--the least dirty spot on a horse--the groom had to go6 ,well1 on my opening night1 ,i had on a beautiful satin dress4 ,my nose was black and my face was white4 ,i went into the arena and knocked lumps off myself--because ,i thought the first impression was everything--but when ,i came out ,i was exhausted--fell down--fighting for breath4 ,anyhow1 ,i had made a huge success1 and when ,mr4 ,charles ,hengler came round ,i thought he was going to compliment me4 ,oh dear no4 ,instead of compliments he said sternly3 8,you know1 sir1 your nose looks dirty--and it frightens the children4 ,don't put it on again1 sir60 ,that was all ,i got from him for nearly killing myself4 ,well--,i was broken hearted4 8,shall ,i leave now10 ,i wondered1 8or stop the week08 ,the next night came3 he was sitting in his box1 and ,i went in the arena--black nose and all--to let him know ,i didn't care4 ,i came out after doing my business and he came to me and said only these words3 8,you've got it on again1 sir40 ,i didn't reply to him1 but ,i went to his manager1 ,mr4 ,wm4 ,powell1 and told him that ,i was leaving on ,saturday6 8,don't you be a fool10 was ,mr4 ,powell's rejoinder4 8,what ,mr4 ,hengler has told you is for your benefit4 ,instead of putting black on your nose try a bit of red40 ,so ,i did1 and ,i must confess it was a tremendous improvement when ,i next went on4 ,when ,i came off ,mr4 ,hengler called me out and complimented me on the improvement2 and ,i stopped fourteen years on and off with him6 ,i was so good that it cost him #a1jjj in ,london to advertise me4 ,i became very great friends with all in the circus from ,mr4 ,hengler downwards1 and especially with ,mr4 ,wm4 ,powell1 his manager and son-in-law4 ,meeting with ,mr4 ,hengler in ,liverpool when ,i was so hard-up ,i considered was a bit of luck1 but ,i had not reckoned for the unexpected4 ,it so happened that ,marie ,roze was singing in the city1 and she invited ,mr4 ,albert ,hengler and myself to a grand supper at the ,adelphi ,hotel4 ,we had an exceedingly jolly time and the small hours came upon us before we had finished4 ,not feeling too brisk and having the prospect of a matinee before us1 we thought it would not be a bad idea to have a gallop in the country to buck us up for the show4 ,accordingly we went to the circus stables and got the groom to saddle a couple of horses4 ,now circus horses are shod like race horses1 their shoes are quite flat1 and this was the cause of the stroke of ill luck which suddenly descended upon me4 ,all went well until we had gone two miles or so on the ,derby ,road1 when it came on a drizzle of fine rain4 ,shortly after1 we saw a herd of cows coming out of a field and at the same time a tramcar approached us up the hill4 ,to avoid both cows and car ,i was obliged to take the wrong side of the road4 ,the fates conspired against me with malignant unanimity4 ,the drizzle chose to turn itself into a heavy shower--one of the outside passengers was moved to open his umbrella4 ,if he'd only done so two minutes sooner or two minutes later all would have been well1 but no--he must needs put up the thing with a jerk at the very instant ,i was riding past the car4 ,my horse shied at it1 his flat shoes had no hold on the wet1 greasy tram lines1 and down he went and his rider with him4 ,result--a broken ankle for me4 ,a cab was fetched1 ,i was taken home and the doctor came and set my leg4 ,i was in bed for five months and it was two years before ,i appeared in the ring again4 ,but ,mr4 ,charles ,hengler was ever so good to me1 so ,i never wanted for anything4 ,i remember the doctor coming one morning and saying ,i could have a small glass of ,guinness' stout1 half of a potato and the middle part of a chop4 ,but instead of a small glass of stout ,i had two bottles and two potatoes--and ,i thought the doctor would not know what ,i had taken4 ,next morning he came and felt my pulse and looked at me1 and wanted to know what ,i had been doing4 ,my wife told him that ,i had had two bottles of stout and more than two potatoes4 ,he said to me1 8,well1 young man1 you have only put yourself back one month10 and this turned out to be true4 ,when ,i was in active work again ,i went about with ,hengler's to various places and eventually found myself in ,dublin4 ,i connect ,dublin with very important stage business which had much to do with my subsequent career4 ,it was in ,dublin that ,i took up seriously the training of animals and especially of my celebrated donkeys1 of which ,i shall have much to say a little later on4 ,but at first ,i was engaged in ordinary clowning4 ,i have no hesitation in saying that the ,dublin audiences are the best and most appreciative ,i've ever played to1 and as for the hospitality of the ,dublin people1 there's no end to it4 ,i made a very tremendous success with this song3 ,in ,dublin's sweet city1 ,where the girls are so pretty1 ,that's where ,i met my sweet ,mollie ,malone4 ,she wheeled a wheelbarrow ,through streets wide and narrow1 ,crying cockles and mussels1 ,alive1 alive ,o--,alive1 alive ,o1 ,crying cockles and mussels alive1 alive--,o4 ,now she died with the fever ,and nothing could save her1 ,and that was the end of sweet ,mollie ,malone4 ,and her ghost wheels her barrow1 ,through streets wide and narrow1 ,crying cockles and mussels alive1 alive--,o1 ,crying cockles and mussels alive1 alive--,o6 ,they used to call me their ,dublin pet4 ,our performances were given in ,mr4 ,hengler's place in the ,rotunda1 a very fine theatre4 ,mr4 ,hengler came to me one day and ,i could see by his expression that some project was simmering in his mind4 8,whimmy10 said he1 8,i saw something in ,paris that would suit you40 8,what was that80 ,i asked4 ,he replied that he saw a man with some performing cats and that he made them do some very clever things4 8,now why shouldn't you do something of that kind80 he went on4 8,well1 if it'll please you1 ,mr4 ,hengler10 was my answer1 8,i'll get some cats and train them40 ,accordingly ,i secured four cats--never mind how ,i got them--real ,irish cats they were1 and ,i gave a man eighteen shillings per week for thirteen weeks only to look after them4 ,i had four wooden boxes made1 painted red outside and whitewashed inside4 ,i used to get up at six o'clock in the morning to go down to the circus before anybody was about1 to train my pupils4 ,i used to take boiled milk and boiled liver1 and had a couple of hours every day1 with the exception of ,sunday1 and in this fashion their education went on for thirteen weeks4 ,of course it needed any amount of patience on my part1 for ,i had to make them do the same things over and over again until it became simply a habit4 ,this is the secret of training animals--habit4 ,well1 ,i got these cats to perfection--they used to jump through wire hoops1 walk the tight rope with a little bird in their mouths to prove that you could train a cat to bring a bird to one without harming it1 and other feats4 ,my benefit came1 and of course ,i had huge posters all over the city of ,dublin3 8,the greatest novelty in the world3 four wonderful performing cats will appear at my benefit4 ,whimsical ,walker--,clown60 ,the house was packed to suffocation and ,i did about a dozen acts before introducing the star turn4 ,sedately the cats followed me in rotation into the ring and one of the grooms put four little stools down for them to sit on4 ,i turned round to pick up a hoop and at that moment some fool in the gallery made a noise with his mouth4 ,the cats bolted at the sound and ,i have never seen them from that day to this6 ,i expected a great row as it seemed to me the audience would look upon me as a fraud and consider themselves sold1 but they took the thing as a joke1 and ,i can only think that they understood the reason and held me innocent of any attempt to deceive them4 ,all the same1 every time ,i went to ,dublin ,i was chaffed unmercifully about the cats4 ,i must admit that my first experience with performing animals was not encouraging1 but the time came when my patience was rewarded1 though there was always the risk of something happening which was not in the programme4 ,i had a good many queer adventures in ,dublin and not the least funny was an episode in which a reporter of the ,freeman's ,journal figured4 ,some of us used to go to the ,hummums ,hotel ,turkish ,baths about four times a week--just to have a rest and get ready for business at night4 ,in the cooling room of these baths was a huge cold water bath--say about five feet deep--with four couches round it4 ,mr4 ,william ,powell--,hengler's manager--was on one couch sleeping1 ,i was next to him on another one1 and dear ,father ,o',brien--a very stout priest--on a third4 ,we were all resting quietly when ,kelly1 the reporter in question1 had the assurance to waken ,mr4 ,powell and ask him for two passes for the circus4 ,of course ,mr4 ,powell was annoyed at being awakened1 and under his breath said1 8,whimmy1 fake him in the plunge40 ,tumbling to the idea1 ,i said1 8,kelly1 have you seen my new trick that ,i am going to do for my benefit8 ,just stand there on that rubber mat40 ,this was on the edge of the plunge4 ,i did a somersault--slipped--my head came in contact with his stomach--and1 of course1 he fell into the plunge4 ,well1 we got him out and when he stood on the mat ,father ,o',brien laughed so much that we had to rush out and get him a drop of brandy or ,i am sure he would have choked4 ,he said it was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life4 ,of course ,mr4 ,kelly's clothes were saturated1 so we took them off and gave them to the attendant to put into the hot room until they were dry4 ,when they came back the trousers were about three inches too short and ,kelly's face was three inches or so too long4 ,we made out1 of course1 that it was an accident1 but he never asked for any more passes6 ,another incident ,i fear was the result of too much hospitality on the part of my ,irish friends4 ,a short time after the ,turkish bath escapade1 one of the company was taken ill with brain fever and removed to the hospital1 where he died4 ,he was a ,russian by birth named ,becker4 ,he was a ,catholic and ,i promised him that ,i would look after him at his funeral4 ,he was to have been buried on a ,saturday morning1 and it so happened that ,i had accepted an invitation to a birthday party the night before4 ,i had a jollification and ,i'm afraid ,i put away a lot of ,chartreuse4 ,about #e o'clock in the morning ,i told my friends that ,i must really go1 but they would not hear of it4 ,i insisted1 however1 and going out called a jarvey to take me home to ,meryon ,square1 not very far from where ,i engaged the car4 ,in the meantime my friends had taken off my boots for a lark1 thinking that ,i would then stop1 but this made no difference and ,i went away in my socks4 ,i asked the jarvey when he had got about #ajj yards what ,i owed him1 and he said1 8,eight bob1 sir40 ,i replied1 8,what6 ,i'll give you five shillings40 ,he pulled up and called a policeman1 saying that ,i would not pay his fare--eight shillings4 ,i alighted1 thinking ,i would have a bit of fun 7this was about #e4cj on a summer's morning in ,august7 and ,i started having a run for my money round the car1 the policeman and jarvey after me4 ,of course ,i was without boots4 ,i was round the car--underneath the horse--about three times--till the bobby thought he would stop me1 so he waited at the other side of the horse4 ,i bobbed under the horse and as ,i bent down my head came in contact with his stomach1 and he caught his heels against the kerb and down he went4 ,he was soon on his feet1 collared me with the assistance of the jarvey1 and ran me into a little tiny one-room police station4 ,no one was about1 being early in the morning1 so there were no witnesses4 ,i was taken before a row of policemen1 and the question was asked1 8,what the charge was40 8,not paying the jarvey's fare and insulting the ,dublin constabulary40 ,the officer asked me my name1 and ,i answered 8,billy ,gladstone40 ,mr4 ,gladstone was working very hard for ,home ,rule at this time4 ,i needn't say ,i did not look much like the great statesman1 especially as ,i had no boots on4 ,the officer got up from his table1 and with the aid of the other officer took me by the back of the collar and a certain part of the top of my trousers and threw me into a little room4 8,i'll give you #8,billy ,gladstone1'0 he remarked1 and ,i'm bound to admit he did4 ,i must have been in the cell two hours and then another constabulary man entered4 8,would you like a cup of tea10 he asked in a friendly way1 and ,i had no hesitation in saying yes4 ,he brought me one1 so ,i said3 8,will you let me out10 thinking that ,i had kept the joke up long enough4 ,the policeman looked at me4 8,ain't you ,whimsical ,walker--the clown80 he asked4 ,i said1 8,yes40 8,then why did you put your name on the sheet as #8,billy ,gladstone'80 8,that was only fun4 ,i'm very sorry60 ,i then told the policeman what ,i had to do that very morning1 and how ,i had promised ,i would see poor ,becker buried4 ,after a lot of persuasion1 the policeman said he would let me out if ,i promised to be at the ,four ,courts at #ab o'clock1 and of course ,i promised4 ,the morning was now getting on1 and ,i asked the policeman to lend me a pair of his boots--which he did--and a pretty picture ,i looked with the policeman's boots on1 about a dozen sizes too big for me1 and in evening dress6 ,however1 ,i went to the hospital and took the corpse to ,glasnevin ,cemetery1 and buried my poor comrade4 ,it was a solemn affair1 yet there was hardly anyone except myself there to see the last of the poor ,russian4 ,so having kept my word ,i went down to the ,four ,courts and stopped there until my case came off4 ,presently1 a voice holloaed out1 8,william ,gladstone60 ,of course ,i knew that was me4 ,the court was crowded to suffocation4 ,when ,i made my appearance in the dock--as 8,william ,gladstone0--there was a scream and a titter1 and the magistrate threatened to clear the court4 8,do clear the court1 and ,i'll go with them10 ,i put in4 ,that did it1 and somebody shouted3 8,why that's ,whimmy ,walker--hooray6 ,another hoax60 ,the end of the business was that ,i had to pay eight shillings to the jarvey1 #a for insulting the constabulary1 and two shillings and sixpence fine4 ,i left the court and ,i met the very ,mr4 ,kelly with whom ,i had the bath encounter1 and this is where he got his own back4 ,said he3 8,you've done a nice thing2 it will be in every ,london paper that you've been locked up for being drunk and disorderly and fighting the constabulary40 8,the deuce it will60 ,i exclaimed4 8,can't you stop it80 8,come to my office10 he replied1 8and ,i'll get the wires at work40 ,i followed him on to a car to his office and ,i gave him a cheque for #bj for suppressing the news1 and ,i guess he bought himself a new suit of clothes with the money4 ,i'm inclined to believe that there's something in the air of ,ireland and in the spirit 7,i'm not referring to whisky7 of the ,irish people which stimulates one to fun and frolic4 ,an ,irishman1 no matter how old he grows1 is said to be always a 8b-hoy40 ,however this may be1 ,i found myself the subject of a joke and in an awkward predicament during the journey from ,dublin to ,holyhead en route for ,hull4 ,on board the boat was a poor old ,irish woman with a dear little baby about three months old in her arms4 ,just as we got outside the harbour everyone was very sick as the sea was very rough4 ,as for myself1 being a good sailor1 it did not affect me4 ,but this poor old woman was so awfully bad that she thrust the baby into my arms with a pitiful1 8,glory be to ,god1 hold it for a while40 ,without exaggeration ,i can say ,i had that baby squalling in my arms for four hours4 ,nobody would take it from me--even the sailors would not4 ,it was considered great fun to make ,whimmy keep the baby until our arrival at ,holyhead4 ,during the voyage ,i couldn't find the mother of the baby anywhere1 and if ,i tried to put the baby on to anybody else they said it was a father's duty to look after his own child4 ,the joke was kept up till we got into ,holyhead ,harbour1 when as we got in1 the mother came up1 blessed me1 and took the child1 and everybody sang 8,for he's a jolly good father40 ,what ,i said to the old ,irish woman--well1 it was plain ,english1 if not plain ,irish4 ,we had to stop at ,holyhead till about #b o'clock in the morning for ,mr4 ,hengler's special train4 ,in the meantime we went round and had sundry drinks till it occurred to us that we'd better get back to the station4 ,on our way1 we met a man leading a beautiful black horse--it had just came off the boat--and being full of devilment nothing would do but we must play 8,dick ,turpin's ,ride to ,york0 on this black horse4 ,the man with the horse thought he had met a lot of lunatics1 but he was helpless and we did as we liked4 ,one of our party jumped on the beautiful black horse1 galloped down the street1 when the horse stopped suddenly and ,dick ,turpin went over his head and fell into--well1 it was not a strawberry bed6 ,the police collared the lot of us--including the horse1 but they let us off with a caution when they found out who we were4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker1 in his studio1 writing his life ,,chapter ,,viii ,the doings of my donkeys 8,tom0 and 8,jerry40 ,how ,i educated them4 ,the training of animals4 ,a ,hull doctor hoaxed4 ,my misadventure on the opening night at ,hull4 ,how 8,tom0 was taught to sing4 8,jerry0 suddenly drops dead at ,glasgow4 8,tom's0 great cleverness4 ,how he scared the ballet girls at the ,leicester ,square ,empire4 8,tom0 undergoes a singular surgical operation at ,bordeaux4 ,how ,i said 8something nice0 to ,mr4 ,gladstone at ,covent ,garden ,theatre4 ,i am 8commanded0 to perform before ,queen ,victoria at ,windsor ,castle4 8,tom's0 misbehaviour on this occasion4 ,her ,majesty's appreciation of the performance4 ,i propose to devote this chapter mainly to the doings of my donkeys4 ,i can't observe chronological order1 but ,i imagine that so far as myself and my performing pets are concerned chronology doesn't matter to anybody4 ,so ,i put down my recollections just as they come into my head4 ,as ,i have already said1 it was during my first visit to ,ireland that the idea of performing donkeys came into my mind4 ,i can't say what originated it unless it was that ,i had noticed the ,irish donkeys were more intelligent than those of other countries4 ,i decided1 however1 that they were more reliable than ,irish cats and certainly funnier1 and after all this was the main point4 ,i didn't know any donkeys1 so ,i advertised for two1 my advertisement running1 8,wanted3 two donkeys4 ,no #d1 ,lower ,dominick ,street40 ,i was taken aback when the servant entered my room looking rather alarmed4 8,if you please1 sir1 a lot of donkeys have come40 ,and they had come--in crowds4 ,i was overwhelmed with donkeys4 ,as the day wore on more donkeys arrived4 ,i do believe all the donkeys in and out of ,dublin were poured upon me4 ,anyhow1 ,i selected two--oddly enough they were the first two ,i saw--and bought them for #ae_/-4 ,whether it was judgment or good luck which made me choose them ,i can't say1 but they turned out to be the cleverest animals ,i had ever had anything to do with4 ,i named them 8,tom0 and 8,jerry10 and under these names they became celebrated all over ,great ,britain and ,ireland and even on the continent4 ,i devoted fourteen months to the training of 8,tom0 and 8,jerry40 ,as in the case of cats1 ,i got them into the habit of performing the tricks ,i wanted and treated them with uniform kindness1 and they would follow me about like dogs4 ,it is quite a mistake to suppose that animals can be taught anything by brutality4 ,the great thing is to get them entirely used to you1 and as a lesson meant something in the way of a reward they became quite eager for the visits of their master4 ,i used to feed my donkeys myself1 clean them myself1 and every day at the same time ,i1 so to speak1 put them through their paces4 ,that the training of animals is chiefly the getting them to do things in a certain way until the habit is fixed upon them is in my opinion the secret4 ,i remember a curious instance of this in the case of a bullfinch belonging to a friend of mine4 ,the bird for some reason best known to itself would never use the bath placed in its cage for the purpose1 but persisted in sprinkling itself with water from its drinking trough4 ,this went on for some time1 to the annoyance of its owner1 and at last the expedient was tried of emptying the drinking trough4 ,it was confidently expected that deprived of this substitute for a bath it would bathe itself in the proper receptacle4 ,not at all4 ,the bullfinch put its head through the wires and went through its ablutions in pantomime1 though not a drop of water entered its beak6 ,what was the thought--if any--in the bird's mind it would be impossible to say1 but it was evidently satisfied with going through the necessary movements in accordance with the habit it had got into4 ,whether my theory of training is right or wrong1 ,i succeeded with 8,tom0 and 8,jerry10 and by the time the circus had to leave ,ireland for its engagements elsewhere they were pretty well proficient1 but became more so subsequently4 ,when we reached ,hull at the end of our journey from ,ireland thousands assembled to give us a reception1 and a hearty one it was4 ,somehow the fame of ,hengler's and possibly that of 8,tom0 and 8,jerry0 had preceded us1 and ,i was invited to lunch by ,mr4 ,cuthbert1 manager of the ,theatre ,royal4 ,the hotel was next the theatre and the party was a very jolly one4 ,just as we were coming away who should pass the door but a groom with one of my donkeys4 ,the sight at once suggested larks1 especially as we were all in the proper mind for a spree4 ,in a trice the donkey was dragged into the hotel and bunked upstairs into one of the bedrooms4 ,then we borrowed an old woman's nightcap from one of the chambermaids1 stuffed it on the donkey and put him to bed4 ,the next step was to ring up a doctor and 'phone a message 8,come at once--visitor in bedroom ,no4 #g taken dangerously ill40 ,the doctor came and of course he was at first intensely disgusted at being sold1 but he soon got over his anger4 ,as for the visitors and the servants1 they were screaming with laughter1 and ,i never heard such shouts and yells4 ,old ,mr4 ,daunton1 the proprietor1 was1 however1 not among those who were pleased1 and ,i don't think he ever quite forgave me4 ,of course the whole thing was very silly1 but ,i don't think we'd quite shaken off the effects of 8ould ,ireland0--besides1 the luncheon was very good4 ,whatever may be said of it1 the hoax served one excellent purpose--it acted as a splendid advertisement--and the ,yorkshire papers were full of it4 ,on that night--the opening night--,i made my appearance4 ,being a native of ,hull and an immense favourite1 the audience--as was said of a reception given to a very great actor--simply 8rose at me40 ,the warmth of their applause coupled with memories of the lunch earlier in the day1 assisted possibly by later reminders of the same sort1 rather distorted my equanimity--correctly speaking ,i should say equilibrium4 ,as ,i made my entrance into the arena ,i caught my foot in the carpet and down ,i went sprawling on my face4 ,the people thought it was all in my 8business0 and shouted with delight4 ,as a matter of fact1 when ,i picked myself up ,i saw not one horse going round and round1 but thousands4 ,it was the climax of that day's festivities4 8,where's the ring door80 ,i gasped feebly to one of the grooms and groped my way out4 ,on the next day ,i was carpeted before ,mr4 ,hengler1 the severe4 ,he eyed me more1 however1 in sorrow than in anger4 8,what was the matter with you last night80 he enquired in slow accents4 ,i explained ,i was suffering from a bad bilious attack6 8,h'm4 ,don't let it occur again40 ,no more ,i did--at all events not in ,hull4 ,i knew well enough that ,mr4 ,hengler had his eye on me4 ,but let us return to our donkeys4 ,it was at ,norwich where ,i first got them to sing4 ,hengler's ,circus was then performing at the ,agricultural ,hall1 and ,i always had an hour a day to practise them and let them have a bit of exercise in the arena4 ,they used to run about playing with each other like children1 and one day ,i bought them a couple of toy bag-pipes4 ,i was blowing these bag-pipes1 making a fearful noise1 when 8,tom0 pricked up his ears and began to bray with all his might4 ,mr4 ,hengler hearing the music 787 said to me1 8,if you can only make him do that before the audience your fortune will be made40 8,very well10 ,i said1 8then dashed if ,i don't try it to-night40 ,i did try and he brayed until one might think he wanted to burst himself4 ,of course ,i thought my fortune was made1 so ,i tried it two nights longer4 ,he still went on4 ,his vocal powers were the talk of the city2 everybody was coming to see this singing donkey 8by command40 ,on the fourth night ,i tried him again--he would not take the least bit of notice of me4 8,you're tired of the bag-pipes10 ,i thought1 8,i'll try you with a trombone40 ,the trombone satisfied him for four nights1 then his soul pined for something else and ,i couldn't get any braying out of him4 ,a violin stimulated him for about a week1 and then he dropped singing altogether4 ,i was in despair till ,mr4 ,amzieu1 ,mr4 ,hengler's horse trainer1 said one day1 8,why don't you give him a bit of sugar or a bit of carrot every time he brays80 ,i took the hint1 had a bed made in his stall1 and ,i slept over his bed in the stable for six weeks1 and every time he brayed ,i gave him a bit of sugar4 ,in fact1 ,i stopped so long with him that ,i believe ,i was nearly turned into a donkey4 ,for years after that he never missed braying when ,i wanted to show him off4 ,at ,glasgow1 where we opened in the new building at the bottom of ,wellington ,street1 the donkeys were a great success1 but catastrophe was impending4 ,i used to let loose my donkeys in the arena for exercise and on one occasion ,i ordered my groom to take out 8,tom10 who was the singing donkey1 and in addition to his vocal abilities was also possessed at times of fits of viciousness1 but was the cleverer of the two2 and ,i had charge of 8,jerry40 ,what happened was this3 ,i had no sooner taken hold of 8,jerry's0 bit than he dropped down--dead6 ,my first impression was that he had been poisoned1 so sudden was the whole thing4 ,i sent for the veterinary surgeon1 but of course he was of no use4 ,then came the post-mortem and it was decided that he had died not from poison1 but from over-feeding4 ,he had had an apoplectic fit4 ,there was a wonderful difference in my two donkeys4 8,jerry0 was never tired of stuffing himself and was certainly the fattest donkey ,i ever saw4 8,tom10 on the other hand1 no matter what he ate1 and he had plenty of corn and hay1 persisted in remaining lean4 ,he was of an intensely restless disposition and was what is called a 8weaver10 that is1 he would never keep still in his stable4 ,the contrast between the fat and the lean donkey was very effective in the ring1 and it never occurred to me to diet 8,jerry40 ,his fatness made up for his lack of cleverness and perhaps was the cause of it4 ,poor 8,tom0 years after eventually came to a sad end4 ,he got kicked to death by one of ,mr4 ,adney ,payne's horses at the 8,paragon0 in the ,mile ,end ,road4 ,it was a terrible loss to me4 ,i would not have taken #a1jjj for him4 ,during his memorable career 8,tom0 did good suit and service for me1 and besides being the hero of many an episode1 rehearsed and unrehearsed1 he put a good deal of money in my pocket4 ,i was getting a very big salary for him when ,sir ,augustus ,harris was chairman of the 8,empire0 in ,leicester ,square2 and on one occasion when 8,tom0 at the request of ,sir ,augustus was performing at a rehearsal1 ,madame ,katey ,lanner1 the well-known ballet mistress1 was sitting on the prompt side of the stage watching his antics4 ,without any warning one of his vicious brain storms set in1 and he chose to take a violent dislike to ,madame ,lanner1 for which ,i'm quite sure there wasn't the slightest cause1 and he virtually ran amok4 ,he put his ears back--made for poor inoffensive ,madame ,lanner1 who promptly fell from her chair--then turned his attentions to the ballet girls and charged them furiously4 ,it was a pandemonium for about ten minutes1 the frightened girls tumbling over chairs1 screaming and rushing for shelter into their dressing rooms4 ,i don't think he would have hurt a single hair of their heads1 but it was of no use assuring them that it was 8only #8,tom's' idea of fun0--they would have disbelieved me quite as much had ,i told them he was jealous of their superior attractions--the ballet was upset and there was no more dancing on the stage after that when 8,tom0 was going through his performance4 ,i had some queer doings with 8,tom0 when ,i had a special engagement at ,madrid1 but just now ,i will only mention one as ,i shall have to return to my ,spanish adventures when ,i deal with performing birds4 ,we returned from ,spain via ,bordeaux1 and while there the donkey was taken ill4 ,i first noticed that he was not quite himself while performing--he had become groggy about the legs4 ,i decided to send for a veterinary surgeon and ,i got one1 thanks to ,pedro ,sterling1 the interpreter who accompanied the show4 ,the surgeon came1 examined the donkey and pronounced him to be too fat4 ,an operation was necessary at once1 he declared4 ,no sooner said than done4 ,plunging a lance into ,tom's neck he took therefrom nearly three quarts of blood4 ,then pulling a hair from ,tom's tail he threaded a needle with it and proceeded to sew up the wound6 ,that same night the donkey went through his performance as well as ever4 ,the operation struck me as one of the most singular ,i had ever seen performed on an animal4 ,i jump now from ,bordeaux to ,covent ,garden ,theatre1 under ,hengler's management4 ,the box office keeper in those days was a ,mr4 ,hall1 a staunch and enthusiastic ,liberal4 ,one day he came to me full of importance and quite excited4 8,whimmy10 he said1 8my dear old friend1 ,mr4 ,gladstone1 and ,mrs4 ,gladstone and their daughter are coming to the show this afternoon4 ,do try to say something nice to them40 ,i wasn't quite sure what ,hall meant by 8something nice10 but ,i presumed he meant something funny1 so ,i set my wits to work4 ,what on earth was ,i to say to ,mr4 ,gladstone that he would consider 8nice08 ,i could think out nothing1 so ,i resolved to leave it to the inspiration of the moment1 as ,i had had to do scores of times before4 ,the donkey of course was the great attraction1 and he behaved beautifully4 ,just before 8,tom0 sang his solo ,i had a happy thought for the 8something nice40 ,i stepped to the footlights and with a glance at the royal box where sat ,mr4 ,gladstone1 ,i said in my gravest manner1 8,ladies and gentlemen1 you will find the beautiful melody #8,tom' is about to oblige you with on the back of the programme40 ,the people turned over their programmes and quite a flutter of paper went through the house1 and ,mr4 ,gladstone stared at his with a face as blank as the back of the programme4 ,this was where the 8cod0 came in4 ,there was nothing to be seen6 ,then the audience tumbled to the 8sell10 and laughed and clapped1 and so did ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,his fine face broke into a smile and ,i really think the 8something nice0 pleased him4 ,but 8,tom's0 great triumph--and mine also1 ,i hope ,i may say--came on a certain day at ,hengler's ,circus when it was in ,argyle ,street4 ,mr4 ,hengler came to me with a sort of mystery in his manner and said1 8,sir ,henry ,ponsonby would like to speak to you40 ,i hardly knew who ,sir ,henry ,ponsonby was1 and after ,i was introduced to him he almost took my breath away by informing me that ,i was commanded by ,her ,most ,gracious ,majesty ,queen ,victoria to appear before her at ,windsor ,castle with my wonderful donkey6 ,i don't remember what ,i stammered out1 but ,i know that his reply was that he would give me one month to prepare for the occasion4 ,of course ,i thanked him and for some time after that interview you couldn't touch me or come near me within a hundred feet4 ,i was the greatest man on earth1 ,i thought6 ,i got new harness1 rugs1 new blue serge suit for myself--everything new for the donkey--and on the #beth ,february1 #ahhf1 my ,royal day1 ,i appeared before ,her ,majesty4 ,i arrived at ,windsor from ,paddington early in the morning1 and at once went to look at the riding school where the performance was to take place1 to make sure that everything was right for my donkey4 ,i found that the floor was covered with tan1 and over that a layer of sawdust4 ,i had no objection to this1 never thinking that the tan would nearly lead to my undoing4 ,but had ,i known ,i could have done nothing4 ,three o'clock was my time to appear before ,her ,majesty1 and punctually at the hour she entered the royal box4 ,it was a cold day and a nice fire was burning in the box4 ,besides the ,queen there were three hundred of the household forming the audience4 ,i made my appearance4 8,tom0 worked splendidly and in due time his 8turn0 came1 where ,i placed him in a chair in which he sat with a music stand and a sheet of music before him4 ,the trick was for him to turn the music over with his nose and sing1 8,do not forget me40 ,he was very well behaved previous to this1 but directly he sat down he became conscious of the peculiar odour of the tan and somehow or other he liked it4 ,he got out of the chair and began smelling the tan floor1 and then giving vent to loud sniffs of satisfaction and looking up at me4 ,maybe you have seen donkeys make faces1 and the faces 8,tom0 made at me were something grotesque in the extreme4 ,i did my best to pacify him and explain his conduct by such soothing remarks as1 8,dear1 dear soul--you must have lost something in the tan4 ,come1 dear1 ,i'll find it for you if you'll come and sing40 ,at last ,i got him back into the chair and went on3 8,now1 darling brother1 sing #8,do not forget me'10 and he had just begun to make a little tiny noise when he thought he would have another smell4 ,that did it6 ,it was very cold--but the perspiration was pouring off me with excitement4 ,he knew very well he was taking advantage of me1 because ,i dared not touch him with a whip4 ,however1 ,i had a little1 tiny hand whip and showing him this ,i said in severe tones1 8,come on1 now40 ,but he was as silent as an owl excepting for his sniffs1 and ,i had to gag for all ,i was worth to account for his conduct4 ,the things that came into my mind6 ,i said he had lost a fourpenny piece1 that one of his relatives were buried1 and much more nonsense4 ,at last1 after a lot of persuasion1 he brayed1 and the situation to my delight was saved4 ,as it happened1 this bit of unexpected business evidently entertained the ,royal party1 and at the end of the show her ,majesty expressed a wish to see the donkey outside4 ,there are three steps from the ,riding ,school to the entrance and she ascended these steps with the assistance of a little walking stick1 looking as ,i thought remarkably tiny1 but for all this quite queenly4 ,she wanted to know what age was the donkey1 and where he had come from and so on4 ,my groom was a ,german and she spoke to him in his own tongue4 ,then she touched the donkey's back with her stick and he began to kick and bray1 singing 8,the ,conquering ,hero ,comes0--so this particular noise was called4 ,the row proved too much for ,her ,majesty's endurance and nerves4 8,take him away--,i have had enough of him10 she exclaimed imperiously1 and my groom promptly obeyed her1 and this ended the show4 8,tom0 was despatched to the station and ,i was about to follow him when ,sir ,henry ,ponsonby came to me saying1 8,i am going back to ,paddington1 would you travel in my carriage80 ,i thanked him very much and accepted his invitation4 ,all the way from ,windsor to ,paddington my thoughts were that everybody would go on their knees to me6 ,i considered myself at that minute as the greatest man living6 ,we reached ,paddington and ,sir ,henry wished me good-bye1 thanking me from her ,majesty1 and entering his brougham1 drove off4 ,when ,i stepped from the carriage1 instead of everybody being on their knees1 one of the porters stamped on my beautiful patent leather boots and of course on my favourite corn4 ,oh1 the language that followed6 ,otherwise not a soul took the least bit of notice of me6 ,and that broke my pride6 ,i have sometimes fancied that had not 8,tom0 burst into 8,see the ,conquering ,hero ,comes10 her ,majesty might have honoured me with a few words as well as my ,german groom4 ,however1 she was gracious enough to send me a diamond pin1 which ,i possess to this day4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker as old 8,daniel ,peggotty10 in ,hepworth's film1 8,david ,copperfield0 ,,chapter ,,ix ,i experiment with geese4 ,a goose race in tubs4 ,a fiasco4 ,sarony1 the showman artist-photographer of ,scarborough4 ,i begin the training of geese4 ,their erratic behaviour4 ,they devour the stuffing of the ring fence4 ,mr4 ,hengler's indignation4 ,the ,sisters ,vades and their safety net4 ,the geese make a meal off the net and spoil the turn of the sisters4 ,their doom pronounced by ,mr4 ,hengler4 ,how they terminated their career4 ,i fail to train a vicious monkey4 ,the late ,king ,edward 7then ,prince of ,wales7 at ,scarborough--,i am permitted to join his shooting party4 ,i arrange a children's cricket match at which the ,prince and ,dr4 ,w4 ,g4 ,grace captain the respective sides4 ,i get up a comic cricket match at ,hengler's at the ,prince's request4 ,i make up as 8,w4 ,g40 and execute a marvellous and unsuspected hit4 ,my horse 8,spot0 and his dancing on the ,scarborough sands4 ,the ,scarborough widows4 ,it is a short step from donkeys to geese4 ,both are popularly supposed to be stupid1 but as a matter of fact they are remarkably intelligent4 ,another point in common between them is that when they make up their minds to do a thing 7or not to do it--generally the latter7 they persist in following their own way1 and no amount of persuasion can turn them from it4 ,my first experience of geese was in ,ireland4 ,while ,hengler's ,circus was at ,dublin a certain nobleman called on ,mr4 ,powell1 ,hengler's manager1 and asked to see me4 ,i was sent for1 introduced to his lordship1 who disclosed the nature of the business which had induced him to seek me out4 ,it was nothing more or less than to act as master of the ceremonies of the ,royal ,irish ,yacht ,club at their regatta to be held at ,kingston4 ,it sounded like rather a tall order and a bit out of my line1 but when the matter was fully explained it appeared to come within the range of clowning4 ,what ,i was wanted to do was to superintend a race in tubs drawn by geese4 ,his lordship had seen something of the sort at ,yarmouth ,regatta1 and had been much taken with the sport4 ,it was1 of course1 no novelty1 and if my memory serves me it was first introduced by a celebrated clown1 who tried the experiment on the ,thames early in the nineteenth century4 ,i could not quite make up my mind1 seeing that ,i knew nothing about geese or tubs1 but when it was suggested that ,i should visit the club the following day and have a champagne lunch and talk the matter over1 there really seemed to be something in the idea4 ,accordingly ,i went to the club and learned that it was proposed to have four tubs1 each to contain a soldier1 and each tub to be drawn by a team of four geese4 ,the scheme did not include me as a performer4 ,i was simply to see that everything was in order1 act as starter1 etc4 ,so ,i was all right and ran no risk of a ducking4 ,the geese were to do without any training2 we were to trust to their intelligence and their appreciation of their duties as entertainers4 ,at the same time1 knowing something of the vagaries of the brute creation1 ,i suggested that it would be well to have at least one rehearsal1 and this was agreed to4 ,my first business was to get the tubs and the geese4 ,the tubs were procured easily enough1 the purchase of sixteen geese a little more difficult1 as ,i wanted them of the same size as nearly as possible4 ,luckily geese are plentiful enough in ,ireland1 as the ,english well know at ,christmas time1 and after visiting two or three farms ,i picked up my team and had them driven to headquarters4 ,it was a sort of rambling procession to the stables1 hundreds of delighted children following me and my geese and wondering what all the hubbub and cackling was about4 ,during the next four days ,i was busy in having suitable harness made for the geese and in preparing the tubs4 ,the regatta day was on a ,friday 7nobody reflected how unlucky this choice was7 and his lordship fixed the rehearsal for the day before4 ,the sea on ,thursday proved to be rather rough and ,i did not care to take the risk of a failure1 so suggested that the rehearsal should be deferred until eight o'clock the following morning1 when it would be high tide1 and so it was settled4 ,at the hour appointed we had everything in readiness--the four soldiers1 the four tubs and the sixteen geese4 ,they were all eagerly waiting for me and prepared to enter heartily into the fun like true ,irish lads4 ,each soldier had a long cane1 with little pieces of ribbon tied to it by way of decoration1 to guide the geese with1 as of course bits had to be dispensed with1 ,nature not having provided the necessary teeth4 8,now boys10 said ,i1 8directly you see me drop my handkerchief jump into the tubs40 ,they took up their positions each opposite a tub1 their eyes at 8attention10 fixed on me4 8,are you all ready80 ,i shouted4 8,yes1 sir60 ,i dropped the handkerchief4 ,the soldier boys made for the tubs1 each one anxious to be first4 ,it was a rare scramble4 ,thump1 thump1 ,i heard1 the tubs rocked1 the water poured in and swamped them1 and then to my consternation ,i saw the tubs slowly sink1 dragging the geese with them4 ,out jumped the soldiers1 who luckily could all swim1 and there they were making for the steps on which ,i was standing helplessly4 ,it was easy after all was over to account for the mishap4 ,the craft had not been properly ballasted by adequate weights to keep them steady1 and the mad rush of the soldiers had destroyed whatever balance the tubs possessed1 which wasn't much4 ,the most mortifying thing was the mirth of the crowd1 who were inclined to go for me1 looking upon me1 ,i suppose1 as a fraud4 ,anyway1 ,i thought it was best to bolt1 and so ,i did4 ,i made a dash for the railway station1 jumped into a train going somewhere--,i did not stop to enquire--and that was the end of my engagement as a ,m4,c4 of a regatta4 ,the next day ,i had an interview with his lordship1 who good-humouredly accepted my explanation that the roughness of the sea was the cause of the mishap4 ,i need not point out that in no sense were these geese performing geese1 but in justice it must be said that they never had a chance of showing what they could do4 ,my doings with properly trained geese came afterwards1 when ,i was with ,hengler's at ,scarborough4 ,i had some time previously had a trial with game-cocks--their story will find a place later on--but ,i found they were not to be depended upon1 and this led me to turn my attention to geese4 ,the great man at ,scarborough in those days was ,sarony4 ,in his way he was quite a genius4 ,he had begun life as a showman--in ,america1 ,i think--and he was enormously successful not only in the profession in which he started but subsequently as an artist-photographer4 ,he had a sumptuous studio at ,scarborough and was patronised by the highest people in society4 ,his photographs certainly were the loveliest things of their kind then to be seen1 and his work was well-known all over the world4 ,but in his heart he was the showman1 and he looked it--a short1 thick-set man with enormously broad shoulders1 big muscular throat of which he showed an ample quantity1 with his turn-down collar and flowing necktie1 his smooth black hair allowed to grow somewhat lengthy1 his hawklike nose1 flexible lips and penetrating dark eyes4 ,he always wore the broad brimmed soft felt hat which in those days marked the photographer4 ,his personality was distinctly attractive and he had a way of making himself very engaging1 especially to his lady sitters4 ,he did not forget the showman1 even as an artist and photographer4 ,it was a matter of indifference to him how few the number of copies of a photo a customer ordered4 ,he had a formula in reserve which brought him in hundreds of pounds4 ,the plan was this4 ,directly a photograph was taken with which he was satisfied--and he was a better judge than the sitter--a lantern transparency was made from the negative4 ,in the meantime1 while the transparency was being prepared1 he would engage the sitter in his beautifully appointed reception room in fascinating talk1 and while bowing him or her out would remark quite casually1 8,by the way1 here is something which might interest you40 ,drawing aside a curtain he would usher his customer into a darkened chamber1 at the end of which was a screen on which a life size enlargement of the photograph which had just been taken was thrown4 ,the sitter was naturally overwhelmed with surprise--surprise by the way is the essence of the showman's art4 ,sarony in his insinuating way would dilate upon the beauty of an enlarged reproduction finished in oils1 and it may safely be said that in five cases out of six he landed his fish1 and the customer who came in with the intention of spending a five pound note ended in spending twenty times that amount4 ,but the finished reproduction in oils was well worth the money4 ,sarony had a painter's studio attached to his establishment and a staff of fine artists to whom he paid very large salaries4 ,he would touch nothing1 no matter what he dabbled in1 but the best4 ,i may say in passing that no one had a larger clientele of actors and actresses than ,sarony of ,scarborough1 and his portraits1 many of which were to be seen in the box office lobbies of theatres1 were always greatly admired4 ,now ,sarony had built a magnificent circus in ,st4 ,thomas' ,street1 ,scarborough1 and it was there that ,hengler's had its pitch1 not for one season1 but for many4 ,of a necessity novelties had to be thought out to give the public variety4 ,after a talk on this point with ,mr4 ,hengler1 it occurred to me1 as animals were always a strong feature in my 8business10 that something might be done with performing geese4 ,accordingly ,i made a start with a little flock4 ,i adopted the same course of training with them as with my other pupils4 ,every morning about the same time ,i went to the circus and gave the geese a lesson which usually lasted about one hour4 ,they were always somewhat erratic and wayward4 ,sometimes ,i was very pleased and sometimes just the reverse4 ,they were like the girl who when she was good was very good indeed1 and when she was bad she was horrid4 ,however1 ,i persevered1 thinking they would ultimately pay me well4 ,i was mistaken4 ,they brought me little else but trouble4 ,for instance1 after the performance at night1 knowing that they liked their liberty1 ,i would let them loose and allow them to roam all night in the circus ring until ,i came in the morning to practise them4 ,one morning when ,i went into the arena ,i could have torn my hair with vexation4 ,the game those geese had been up to during that night was1 ,i admit1 an undoubted sign of their intelligence1 but it also marked their unscrupulousness4 ,the circus ring fence happened to be padded with hay1 covered over with valuable red plush1 which had cost a considerable sum per yard4 ,the geese soon discovered there was something underneath the plush which suited their palate and industriously going to work they literally riddled the plush with holes to get at the hay4 ,i was too dismayed to say anything and ,i let ,mr4 ,hengler make the discovery4 ,he came in4 ,he looked round4 ,he saw the scene of devastation4 ,an awful frown wrinkled his brows4 8,what does it all mean80 he thundered4 8,i take a pride in making my circus look as beautiful as a drawing room and ,i find it like this4 ,who will give me an explanation80 ,a dead silence followed1 broken presently by one of the frightened grooms1 who muttered tremblingly1 8,please1 sir1 ,i think ,mr4 ,walker's geese have done it40 ,i was called before ,mr4 ,hengler4 ,he was very angry indeed and ,i had to go through it4 ,of course1 he had a right to call me over the coals as it meant the spending of money to put things as they were4 ,however1 all he visited me with was an injunction that while ,i was allowed to do what ,i liked with the geese during the day1 ,i must not allow them to roam at large in the ring or elsewhere at night4 ,so on the whole ,i got off very lightly4 ,for the rest of the time the geese at night were put to bed in a large crate4 ,somehow the spirit of mischief possessed the creatures1 and no sooner was their exploit with the plush over than they started at thinking out some fresh devilry4 ,mr4 ,hengler about this time engaged two handsome and clever lady trapeze artists1 the ,sisters ,vades4 ,they performed with the usual protection in the shape of a net stretched beneath the trapeze4 ,they started their turn and all went well until the following ,saturday1 when the net was pulled down and was placed on the top of the crate where the geese were kept1 and here it remained all ,saturday night1 ,sunday and ,monday4 ,no one gave a thought to it1 save the geese1 who all the while were thinking deeply4 ,the time came for the commencement of the preparations for the performance of the ,sisters ,vades4 ,the net was taken from the top of the crate and--horror6--half of it had been eaten away4 ,the geese had found their opportunity and had made use of it4 ,but their digestions--they could hardly have been less powerful than those of ostriches6 ,the sisters could not perform without the net and when ,mr4 ,hengler was told that they were unable to appear he sternly demanded the reason4 ,again the reply1 8,walker's geese40 ,it was becoming monotonous4 ,a row followed1 and the upshot was that the geese were condemned1 to my intense chagrin and disappointment1 for ,i was really looking forward to making something of them and out of them4 ,their end was in a way a sort of ,nemesis4 ,i was invited by the ,sisters ,vades to dine with them and their manager4 ,the principal dish was roast goose--one of my geese6 ,so in this way the ladies had their revenge4 ,it was a fitting one4 ,i had another failure with animals while at ,scarborough4 ,this time it was a monkey4 ,mr4 ,clark1 who was performing with a troupe of animals1 made me a present of a monkey which he could do nothing with4 ,i suppose that was why he gave it to me4 ,i tried my hardest with the little beast1 but he was either stupid or untameable4 ,i looked about for someone to pass it on to1 and ,i thought of ,mr4 ,morgan1 who was then ,mayor of ,scarborough1 and who was at the time running the ,aquarium1 one of the attractions of the place being a cage of monkeys4 ,mr4 ,morgan thought companionship would be beneficial to my monkey and he accepted it4 ,mr4 ,morgan sent a couple of sailors with a sack to fetch the monkey and a rare job they had4 ,they chased him all over the loft and had to be extremely spry and wary1 as the creature was very vicious4 ,however1 at last he was captured1 thrust somehow into the sack1 carried to the ,aquarium and put with the other monkeys4 ,he had not been with them two hours or so before the harmony of the home was entirely upset4 ,i had an agonised message somewhat to this effect3 8,for ,heaven's sake come and take away your monkey4 ,he's killing all our monkeys60 ,i could only see one answer to this and ,i made it4 ,my reply was3 8,quite impossible4 ,the monkey was a gift to you4 ,i'm too much of a gentleman to take back a gift40 ,i don't know whether the people at the ,aquarium took this view of the matter4 ,anyhow1 they found a speedy way out of the difficulty4 ,they shot the monkey4 ,happily all this ill luck at ,scarborough was more than compensated by the fortunate chance which sent the late ,king ,edward1 then ,prince of ,wales1 to the ,yorkshire watering place during the shooting season4 ,i was at ,hengler's for a six weeks' engagement and ,i rather think ,i was sent down to do my best to entertain ,royalty4 ,among the ,prince's party were the ,earl of ,londesborough1 ,sir ,charles ,legard and ,dr4 ,w4 ,g4 ,grace4 ,i had a right royal time as ,i was often 8commanded0 to be one of the shooting party4 ,nobody could be a more delightful host than our late ,king4 ,he aimed at being happy himself and in making other people happy4 ,i shall never forget when passing through ,seamer1 a little village a few miles out of ,scarborough1 the ,prince turning to me as a crowd of children were swarming out of school and saying3 8,walker1 can't you get up a cricket match with the children80 ,a word was as good as a wink to me1 and ,i got all the kiddies together and took them into a cricket field at the back of a little road-side inn 7kept1 by the way1 by a namesake of mine but no relation7 which was rather a noted place for cricket matches4 ,no one knew the ,prince was of the party and he picked his side without anything occurring to embarrass him4 ,he was opposed by ,dr4 ,grace1 and for half an hour the game was kept up1 his ,royal ,highness evidently enjoying himself to the utmost4 ,when the sport was over the party went back to ,londesborough ,lodge1 and in the course of the evening the ,prince said to me1 8,walker1 we're coming to see you at the circus to-night at about #i o'clock40 8,all right1 your ,highness10 said ,i4 8,what would you like me to do80 8,can't you get up something to please the doctor80 7i4e41 ,dr4 ,grace74 8,i'll do my best10 was my answer1 and ,i left the ,royal party at that4 ,the idea in my mind was a burlesque cricket match1 but there wasn't too much time to prepare the 8business0--about an hour1 as a matter of fact4 ,i made myself a huge bat against which no ball could have a possible chance unless ,i chose to give one1 and--,i made up as the celebrated and popular 8,w4 ,g40 ,the ,royal party arrived--the ,prince and ,princess of ,wales1 ,lord and ,lady ,londesborough1 ,miss ,sykes1 ,sir ,charles ,legard1 ,dr4 ,grace and many others--and took their seats4 ,i needn't go over the comic business that the mock cricketers1 all made up as clowns1 indulged in4 ,i need only say that our fooling seemed to please the distinguished visitors immensely4 ,the hit--in more senses than one--came when ,i1 as ,dr4 ,grace1 armed with my huge bat1 took my place at the wicket4 ,the bowler sent me down a 8yorker0 and ,i went for the ball 7it was made of worsted7 for all ,i was worth4 ,i intended to swoop it among the gallery people1 but somehow it glided off my bat and went straight for ,dr4 ,grace1 who had to field it whether he would or no4 ,i guess his hands went up by instinct4 ,such peals of laughter1 yells of applause1 clapping of hands and stamping of feet as were sent up ,i never heard in any theatre4 ,maybe some of the audience thought the thing was intentional1 but it wasn't4 ,it was purely accidental4 ,after the performance was over ,i was called to the ,prince1 who1 with a merry twinkle in his eye1 wanted to know how long the doctor and ,i had been arranging the hit and the catch4 ,the only explanation ,i could give1 ,i said1 was that the thing was a miracle4 ,he looked at me with a humorous expression as though he would have said1 8,ananias40 ,i don't think he really believed me1 but for all that the incident was exactly as ,i have related it4 ,one more reminiscence and ,i have done with ,scarborough4 ,i used to go there year after year1 as ,i had become a favourite with the visitors and they always expected some novelty from me4 ,one year ,i went day after day opposite the ,spa1 and when the tide was out and ,herr ,meyer ,lutz's fine band was playing1 ,i would give the people a treat with my performing horse1 8,spot40 ,he was a black and white1 and a very clever dancer to music4 ,i always wore a frock coat1 plaid trousers1 and a tall silk hat1 and ,i styled myself the 8,duke of ,scorby ,mills40 ,as the tide came rolling up1 8,spot10 at a little sign from me1 would roll down in the sea with me in my ,rotten ,row attire1 to the huge delight of the spectators4 ,in the afternoon it was pleasant pastime to mash some of the widows4 ,i don't think ,i was much to blame as ,scarborough abounded in widows1 and if you didn't mash them they would mash you4 ,one fascinating widow1 whose acquaintance ,i made1 ran me up a nice little hotel bill4 ,her money was always coming from ,south ,america1 but somehow it never made its appearance1 and then she vanished4 ,maybe she went back to ,south ,america1 and got drowned on the voyage1 as ,i never heard from her4 ,but ,i preserved the hotel receipts as a memento4 ,the moral is that every man who spends his holiday in ,scarborough should keep the elder ,mr4 ,weller's advice in mind1 8,bevare of vidders40 ,,chapter ,x ,i am engaged to appear at ,madrid4 ,something about my wonderful game-cock4 ,cock-fighting in ,london in the 'eighties6 ,the secret of an ,endell ,street cellar4 ,how ,i obtained the bird4 ,a match between myself and the game-cock4 ,an ,argyle ,street show which took the town4 ,a trying journey to ,madrid4 ,the trials of ,spanish etiquette4 ,am invited by ,royalty to a bull-fight4 ,the singing donkey creates a furore4 ,also the game-cock 8turn40 ,my gallio challenged by a ,spanish champion4 ,the fight comes off4 ,the ,spaniard defeated4 ,the ,spanish game-cock fanciers anxious to secure my bird4 ,i adopt precautions for his safety4 ,difficulties in the way of returning home4 ,i succeed by a ruse in escaping4 ,when ,hengler's ,circus was at ,argyle ,street ,i had an offer to go to ,madrid4 ,i imagined that my reputation1 or that of my donkey1 had reached the ,spanish capital1 but after ,i had had personal experience of the taste of the ,spaniards ,i came to the conclusion that a part of the attraction was due to a remarkable game-cock of which ,i had become possessed and which ,i had trained to be an important member of my little troupe4 ,the ,spaniards1 ,i afterwards discovered1 loved to see cock-fighting4 ,i suppose one-half1 or more1 of the people in ,london do not know how the other half live4 ,certainly so far as amusement1 and especially sport1 is concerned this is the case4 ,i guess that if you care to pay for it you can get in ,london any pleasure you like1 whether outside the law or not4 ,when ,i say that during the 'eighties cock-fighting went on in ,london1 it is possible that ,i shall be accused of telling a tarradiddle1 but it was the absolute fact4 ,one of my friends in those days was ,charlie ,best1 who then was proprietor of the 8,horseshoe10 in the ,tottenham ,court ,road4 ,mr4 ,best was a great lover of sport1 and among other fancies had a liking for cock-fighting4 ,this once aristocratic amusement was supposed to be a thing of the past1 but it wasn't1 and some of the young bloods of the 8,upper ,ten10 who knew mine host of the 8,horseshoe10 were eager to be patrons when it was whispered to them that they could take part in a revival of the cock-pit of the eighteenth or early nineteenth century4 ,of course every precaution was taken to secure secrecy1 and no one who passed along prosaic ,endell ,street ever suspected that in a cellar underneath a certain ironmonger's shop 7,i think the name was ,faltless7 noble lords and their friends used thrice a month to assemble in this subterranean retreat and excite themselves over matches between game-cocks4 ,such1 however1 was the fact1 and many a time ,i was among the spectators as a friend of ,charlie ,best4 ,that betting went on goes without saying4 ,a cock-fight without anything 8on0 is unthinkable4 ,most people know what the cock-pits of a hundred years and more ago were like4 ,the old coloured prints of such places are numerous enough--an arena with a ring fence of a yard or so in height1 behind which the owners of the birds and their friends sat1 and a gallery above for the public4 ,this cock-pit was not at all that kind of thing4 ,it had a sort of arena1 it was true1 but this was all4 ,the game-cock owned by ,mr4 ,best was a marvel and ,i broke the tenth commandment over him constantly4 ,mr4 ,best1 you must know1 ran the refreshment buffet at ,hengler's1 so that ,i was very intimate with him1 and ,i think ,i advertised him and his ,bass pretty well among the hosts of people who came to call upon me4 ,i wanted that bird very much indeed4 ,i had an idea that ,i could make good use of him in the circus1 especially as a comic show for the children1 and at last ,mr4 ,best gave him to me1 after he had won seven battles1 as a return for my pushing his business4 ,directly ,i had the bird in my possession ,i went to a very clever theatrical property maker named ,hessan and arranged with him to make me a huge cock dress of the colours exactly similar to those of the bird4 ,he set to work and succeeded in producing a really wonderful property dress4 ,then ,i started training the game-cock4 ,perhaps it mayn't be generally known that the cock-birds of this species have a language of their own4 ,well1 they have1 and ,i studied it4 ,listen to his cry4 ,as nearly as it can be put on paper it sounds like 8,krrrrrrr40 ,that means he is calling his wives together1 and he soon shows them that he is master of his harem4 ,wearing my cock dress ,i took the bird to the arena and burst into a song as nearly like 8,krrrrrrr0 as ,i could make it4 ,he at once suspected the presence of a hated rival4 ,he pricked up his head as if he were saying1 8,hallo1 what's this massive brute80 ,he went for me as fiercely as though ,i'd been one of his own size4 ,i pretended to be afraid4 ,i ran away4 ,he came after me1 pecking at me savagely1 and we dodged each other all over the ring4 ,then ,i began to take off my garments one by one to let him know who ,i was1 and in a month or so ,i allowed him to think he was my master4 ,i used to keep him in a little square box and feed him on raw meat1 port wine1 and oats4 ,nobody but myself was allowed to touch him and he knew his business as if ,i had trained a child4 ,i had him for many years and he has caused me many a pain4 ,poor boy1 he died with the croup1 but was very1 very vicious4 ,i never saw such a bird as he4 ,no fun about him when he was fighting me--he meant it--and he used to hang on like a bull-dog4 ,i buried the poor bird in ,dublin4 ,i have tried to train a lot more1 but directly they get in the footlights they are no good4 ,but before he died he greatly distinguished himself1 and nowhere more than in ,madrid1 and of my visit to which city ,i will try to say something4 ,besides my game-cockerel ,i had with me my two invaluable donkeys4 ,knowing not a word of ,spanish ,i had to take with me an interpreter1 one ,pedro ,sterling1 who was half a ,spaniard4 ,i need not say that with my oddly assorted companions my journey was full of difficulties4 ,however1 we got safely to ,paris1 and from the ,gare du ,nord we had to cross ,paris to reach another station to get down south4 ,however1 after some little trouble this was accomplished1 the donkeys and the cockerel travelling in a van together with a tin pail for the donkeys to drink from4 ,the journey to the ,spanish frontier was not marked by any particular incident1 but when we arrived at ,antondy1 a little town on the frontier1 the railway people for some reason which didn't seem very clear refused to take us any further1 and we had to stop in the town until the next morning4 ,pedro ,sterling found an hotel1 the proprietor of which agreed to accommodate our little party--donkeys1 cockerel and two beds for myself and ,pedro4 ,the hotel was by no means inviting1 but we had to make the best of things4 ,it was built of wooden piles and the donkeys had to share a shed with some cows4 ,we managed to swallow some supper1 but it was by no means appetising--simply bread and lard1 no butter6 ,as we passed through the saloon--so-called-a dirty ill-lighted place1 three villainous-looking ,spaniards1 black as ink1 scowled at us and fixed their eyes--so it seemed to me--on my gold chain1 a rather massive affair on which ,i set great store4 ,we reached our bedroom1 a squalid chamber enough1 with one small window about eighteen inches square4 ,we got into bed and the interpreter was soon fast asleep4 ,i1 on the contrary1 could not get a wink for thinking of the ,spaniards of the cut-throat aspect4 ,however1 ,i suppose ,i misjudged them1 for nothing happened4 ,i turned out about #e4cj1 feeling done up1 for ,i had had practically no rest since ,i left ,london on ,sunday night1 and it was now ,wednesday morning4 ,we reached the station in good time and waited an hour for the train1 which when it came along proved to be chiefly for luggage with three coaches only for passengers4 ,we settled the donkeys in a miserable horse truck along with the cockerel1 the tin pail and a quantity of hay and corn1 and my boxes4 ,i was so tired ,i laid down on the hay and straw by the side of the donkeys rather than travel in an uncomfortable carriage crowded with people4 ,so ,i was locked in the horse box1 dark and stuffy as it was4 ,no window was provided1 only a little hole about a foot square for ventilation4 ,the horn sounded and the train started4 ,it crawled at about two miles an hour and for what it lacked in speed it made up in rattling and bumping4 ,it was impossible to sleep4 ,the horse box had no springs and the pail at once began to dance about1 so did the donkeys1 the cockerel and the boxes4 ,i found myself doing a sort of jig a la a parched pea in a frying pan4 ,i shall never forget it4 ,the train stopped at every station and ,i tried to get out1 but it was impossible4 ,i yelled for ,pedro ,sterling1 but he never heard me4 ,i had to suffer being shaken up like dice until we reached ,san ,sebastian1 when ,i had a happy release1 but only on making a signal of distress by pushing the tin pail through the ventilating hole and shaking it4 ,i found ,pedro comfortable enough with a ,spanish gentleman whose acquaintance he had made1 seated opposite to him4 ,after giving the donkeys water and seeing that they were all right1 ,i joined ,pedro1 and the train went on to ,madrid4 ,i gave ,pedro a graphic account of my sufferings and he told our fellow passenger1 in ,spanish of course4 ,the ,spaniard expressed his sympathy and through ,pedro enquired whether ,i would like a little wine4 ,there was nothing ,i felt at that moment ,i would like better and ,pedro conveyed my assent1 upon which the ,spanish gentleman brought out a beautiful skin with a gold mouthpiece attached4 ,i hadn't the least idea how to drink out of this native bottle and ,pedro ,sterling explained4 ,you are not supposed to put the mouthpiece to your lips1 but to hold it an inch or two away4 ,pedro then showed me the operation4 ,clearly my interpreter was an expert and as he did it the trick seemed easy enough4 ,i held up the mouthpiece1 wished the don 8good health10 in ,english1 and started to drink4 ,unluckily the stream missed the target--instead of going into my mouth it hit my eyes and my nose1 and finished by running down my shirt front4 ,this was bad enough1 but what was much worse1 ,i had outraged ,spanish etiquette1 which ,i afterwards found was extremely rigid4 ,the gentleman did not laugh1 though ,i must have presented a ludicrous sight1 but regarded my awkwardness as an insult to himself6 ,pedro had all his work cut out to convince the ,spaniard that the mishap was purely an accident1 but at last he succeeded4 ,we arrived at ,madrid about seven o'clock the next morning4 ,we were expected2 a carriage and pair were awaiting us and we were driven to the hotel1 the donkeys and cockerel being taken to the circus4 ,i had not been at the hotel many hours before ,i was made acquainted with the courtesy which ,spaniards of noble birth and high rank display towards visitors4 ,queen ,isabella actually sent a dignified gentleman belonging to the suite to enquire if ,i would like to see a bull-fight6 ,i was overwhelmed with the royal politeness and ,i said that ,i certainly should4 ,then the question was put as to which day ,i should prefer for my performance at the circus4 ,i asked which was the best day and was told 8,sunday40 8,very good10 said ,i1 8,sunday for me40 ,i went to the bull-fight and ,i must say that ,i was greatly impressed by the imposing spectacle4 ,thousands of people1 most of them ladies1 many of them exquisitely dressed1 from the highest to the lowest1 were seated tier upon tier round an enormous arena4 ,a clear blue sky was overhead and the brilliant sunshine heightened the colours of the decorations and the gay costumes of the picadors and matadors4 ,bull-fights have been described many times1 so ,i will say no more than that ,i was sorry for the horses4 ,many of them were poor old crocks who hadn't the slightest chance of avoiding the bull's horns4 ,i saw twenty-seven of them killed4 ,as for the riders1 they were protected by what might be termed thigh boots of steel4 ,these protections had one drawback--they were so heavy that when the wearer fell he couldn't get up again1 but had to be dragged away by one party of attendants while another deviated the attention of the bull4 ,i was told that if there was any deficiency of horses the organisers had the power to commandeer any which might be in the streets1 no matter how valuable4 ,the bull-fights being ,state affairs1 remonstrance was useless in such a case4 ,the killing of the bull struck me as rather repulsive4 ,fortunately it was very rapidly done--just a thrust of the sword at the back of the neck and the animal fell dead1 its spinal cord severed4 ,what struck me as curious was the mad enthusiasm of the spectators1 who at the termination of the performance cast their garments1 coats1 hats1 waistcoats1 etc41 into the arena4 ,this did not mean that they were given away4 ,not at all4 ,every article had to be returned to the rightful owner4 ,anxious to show that the ,english were not wanting in politeness1 ,i interested myself in the work of restoration1 but chancing to give a coat to the wrong person1 who received it with a cold and scornful glance1 ,i decided to get away as soon as possible lest ,i should unintentionally violate some unwritten law of ,spanish etiquette and suffer in consequence4 ,spanish etiquette ,i found was a wonderful and fearful thing4 ,luckily ,i had ,pedro at hand to help me over the pitfalls4 ,i was told1 for instance1 that if you admired a thing very much--a jewel1 a picture1 a horse or what not--the owner would gravely say1 8,it is yours1 ,senor40 ,but woe betide you if you take him at his word6 ,this wasn't in the contract at all4 ,the apparent gift was politeness--nothing more4 ,before ,i gave my first performance ,i had to consider what ,spanish words ,i should put into my donkey's mouth which my audience would appreciate4 ,i decided after consultation upon ,de bouro canto patterneris4 ,when ,i announced this and my donkey 8,tom0 sang it or was supposed to sing it1 ,i never heard such an uproar of applause as broke out in all parts of the house4 ,the audience wouldn't have the next turn on the performance4 ,it was the donkey and nothing but the donkey that they wanted4 8,take him in again10 urged the manager1 8take him in again40 ,so ,i took him not once but several times1 and made him bow his thanks1 but this did not satisfy his admirers4 8,canto6 ,canto60 they kept on shouting4 ,however1 ,i knew 8,tom0 wouldn't sing again until after half an hour's interval1 so ,i pacified them by introducing my fighting game-cockerel4 ,as it happened ,i couldn't have done better4 ,three things the ,spanish people love above all else--bull-fighting1 cock-fighting1 and music4 ,that was why1 ,i fancy1 my donkey with his lovely baritone voice pleased them so much4 ,could he only have played a guitar he would have been there maybe to this day6 ,the day following my first performance1 whether due to my neglect of ,spanish precaution--they never go out of doors in the hottest part of the day1 and they are right1 for the sun pours down perpendicularly upon you and there isn't an atom of shadow anywhere--or to the too liberal hospitality which ,i was obliged to accept1 ,i was taken unwell4 ,the one complaint which leaps up in every ,spaniard's mind when you have the stomach-ache is the cholera4 ,they dread it as much as the devil is said to dread holy water6 ,so when ,i did not feel quite up to the mark ,i was afraid ,i was in for the cholera4 ,a physician was sent for1 and believe me1 ,i never encountered a more competent doctor or one who adopted better remedies4 ,said he3 8,there is nothing the matter with the gentleman4 ,give him some wine60 ,i swallowed a dose of this pleasant physic and was well almost directly4 ,all the same ,i ran great risks1 for ,i was invited out to supper every night and ,spanish dishes are not only savoury but ample4 ,apart from risks of indigestion there was a drawback to those suppers4 ,they kept me out until the small hours in the morning1 and then owing to the customs of the country you were likely to find yourself in a fix4 ,in ,madrid you can get out of your domicile at any time of the night1 but you can't get in without calling out to the watchman to open the gates for you4 ,these watchmen patrol the streets with a long pole and a lantern quite in the style of the old ,english 8,charlies10 but they are not nearly so decrepit1 although they appear to be more so if you don't tip them4 ,in such a case they'll take half an hour or more to crawl three yards4 ,i needn't say that my hand went to my pocket without the slightest hesitation and the fellow would come along like a lightning flash4 ,the ,spanish ,court was exceedingly good to me4 ,queen ,isabella came to the show more than once and ,i fancy she enjoyed it more than she did the behaviour of the audience4 ,some political act on the part of ,her ,majesty had displeased the public and the house showed its feelings by an unmistakable hiss when she entered the royal box4 ,but she heard the objectionable sound unmoved4 ,the ,queen's presence was not the only sign of royal favour that ,i received4 ,on one occasion ,i was permitted to hold ,king ,alphonso1 then a baby1 in my arms4 ,i attribute these marks of appreciation not so much on account of my own performance as of that of my donkeys4 ,donkeys are an institution in ,spain4 ,after a time ,i found my fighting cockerel--gallio was the ,spanish term--went down even better than the donkeys1 if such a thing were possible4 ,my first performance when ,i introduced my fighting scene was a screaming success1 and was followed by a totally unexpected sequel4 ,the next morning while ,i was receiving my letters my interpreter came up with rather a formidable looking ,spaniard1 who had something concealed under his coat which gave out a noise which sounded as though he had a knife and was sharpening a slate pencil4 ,it turned out that he had brought with him a fighting game-cock4 ,said ,pedro ,sterling3 8,this ,spaniard wants to challenge your gallio to fight his gallio40 ,i looked rather serious at this strange proposition and pointed out that ,i had not brought my bird to ,madrid in order to fight4 ,he was part of my living and ,i had trained him to fight me and not other birds4 ,but this explanation did not satisfy the ,spaniard4 ,he was immensely proud of the prowess of his bird and he was burning to see the insolent invader bite the dust at the feet of the native product4 ,i wasn't having any and ,i still demurred1 but the man continued to insist1 and at last ,sterling said3 8,why not let him have a go40 ,but my answer was 8,no40 ,then ,pedro made the puzzling suggestion3 8,let his bird put on the boxing gloves40 8,boxing gloves10 ,i exclaimed4 8,what the deuce do you mean80 ,he explained that in ,spain fighting-cocks were provided with glove stalls stuffed with wool and fitted on to the spurs1 so that they could not hurt each other4 ,this put a different complexion on the matter and ,i agreed4 ,the contrast between the two gladiators when they were placed opposite each other was the oddest thing possible4 ,my beautiful bird was at the time in lovely plumage--he was what is called an ,indian black red game-cock4 ,but his opponent--,i never saw such a funny-looking thing4 ,he was of the ,spanish red variety plucked the same as a fowl ready for dinner1 except for a frill of feathers which had been left as an ornament for his neck4 ,they went at it tooth and nail4 ,the fight lasted hardly a minute2 feathers began to fly and it was all over except shouting4 ,the ,spaniard was about to pick up his bird1 thinking no doubt that the native champion had had enough1 when my bird hit him with his spurs and wings and laid him out4 ,i don't believe such a scowl was ever seen on man's face as that which wrinkled the ,spaniard's countenance1 and he burst out into some ,spanish ,seven ,dials' language which ,i didn't understand a bit but the meaning of which ,i could very well guess4 ,i haven't the least doubt ,pedro interpreted the jargon correctly when he said3 8,he'll have his revenge or steal your fighting bird40 ,the fame of the fight spread and the circus was crowded every night to see my gallio4 ,he became the source of great anxiety to me4 ,i was perpetually haunted by the fear of losing him or of his suffering some injury4 ,i had to take him to my hotel every night and bring him back for the next performance4 ,for an extra precaution ,i paid a man ten pesetas a week to watch and guard him4 ,as a matter of fact all the cock fanciers in ,madrid were after him4 ,but he passed through these perils unscathed and in the end ,i got him away safely4 ,my engagement terminated and ,i was anxious to return home4 ,a passport1 of course1 was necessary1 and ,i called on the ,british ,consul4 ,to my surprise he said3 8,why do you wish to leave8 ,the ,spaniards love you and they want you to stay in ,madrid40 ,whether he said this on his own account or that pressure had been put on him by someone ,i can't say1 but a month went over before that passport arrived4 ,meanwhile1 ,i had exceeded my engagement and even then the circus people were very reluctant to let me go4 ,in order to get out of the country ,i wired to my wife who was in ,ireland with ,hengler's ,circus to send me a message running something like this3 8,wife ill2 return immediately to ,england40 ,the message came and on the strength of it ,i was allowed to leave4 ,it was on the way home that my donkey had the curious operation performed on him at ,bordeaux which ,i have already described4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,odds and ends of circus life4 ,the 8peep show0 cooking stoves4 ,how ,i 8had0 ,lord ,randolph ,churchill in ,dublin4 ,i distinguish myself at a sham fight4 ,an unscrupulous practical joker4 ,faked up 8,zulu0 warriors and how the fraud was discovered4 ,the story of a ,birmingham ,christmas pudding4 ,my trick canary that failed4 ,a day's fishing on a yacht4 ,circus life is full of odds and ends1 most of them quite unexpected4 ,i can't recall all of the adventures and misadventures which happened to me in the many years ,i was connected with the various travelling and touring shows1 but a few occur to me which ,i will try to set down4 ,when ,i was on one of ,hengler's visits to ,dublin there was a horse show in ,kildare ,street which lasted three days1 and ,mr4 ,william ,powell1 ,hengler's manager1 ,mr4 ,fred ,gallagher and myself were invited on the opening day4 ,under a verandah to which one ascended by a dozen stairs or so was a collection of all the latest novelties which could be got together1 and one was an ,american paraffin cooking stove4 ,such things are now1 of course1 in every-day use1 but at that time no one in ,ireland knew anything about them1 though ,i dare say they were well-known in ,england and elsewhere4 ,they were about a foot and a half square1 made of zinc1 with a little paraffin lamp underneath and a small hole to let the steam out4 ,i was always on for a joke whenever ,i saw a chance1 and on my eyes lighting on this contrivance something prompted me to bend down1 look through this hole and pretend ,i was seeing a sort of peep show4 ,it really was much more like a showman's box at a fair than a stove4 ,with my face as solemn as a judge's ,i murmured loud enough for the people round about to hear6 8,what a battle scene6 ,just like real life4 ,look at the horses galloping6 ,by ,george1 they're going right across the mountains60 ,this was enough to stimulate the curiosity of a crowd eager to see everything that was to be seen4 ,before very long ,i was thrust aside by an impatient group who thought ,i had monopolised the show sufficiently and declared that it was their turn to look4 ,the expressions of disgust which came over their faces when they found they had been 8had0 was enough to make a cat laugh4 ,but many did not like to show that they had been fooled and without saying anything they moved away and waited for other victims4 ,i dare say hundreds were taken in and ,i enjoyed the game so much that ,i kept it up on the two following days4 ,in a space below1 near the foot of the staircase1 some of the horses were stationed1 and visitors after inspecting these would generally mount the staircase4 ,on the third day the word was passed round that ,mr4 ,dawson1 then ,lord ,mayor of ,dublin1 and ,lord ,randolph ,churchill were coming1 and the man from ,america who had charge of the stoves1 said to me3 8,if you can only get the ,lord ,mayor and ,lord ,randolph ,churchill to look through the hole my cooking stoves are made40 ,i thought that if this were brought off it would be rather a triumph for me too and ,i said ,i'd see what ,i could do4 ,presently quite a crowd were waiting to see the distinguished visitors ascend the staircase and ,i was waiting too4 ,they arrived1 and as was hoped1 they stopped in front of the stove through the hole of which ,i was intently gazing4 8,well10 said his lordship1 the ,mayor1 8and what have you got there80 ,i did not answer the question1 but merely asked him to peep through the hole1 which he did4 ,with a blank look on his face he turned to me saying3 8,i can't see anything40 8,exactly10 was my reply1 8who said you could80 ,no one is quicker to take a joke than an ,irishman4 ,the ,lord ,mayor tumbled to the fake instantly and he whispered3 8,a capital joke4 ,get my friend ,lord ,randolph to look through40 ,i did1 and directly the noble lord had his eye at the peephole and was trying with all his might to see something1 the people who had been 8had0 set up a mighty 8,hurrah60 and clapped their hands vigorously at the addition of another victim4 ,unfortunately the sudden noise frightened the horses below4 ,mr4 ,powell1 who was with them1 yelled out 8,hop it60 ,i took his advice and the police1 for some reason thinking there was going to be a disturbance1 went for me4 ,as ,i darted down the stairs ,i caught my foot in a bucket of water which had been placed for the horses and down ,i went4 ,i suppose ,i was in the mood that day for mad pranks1 for the next thing ,i did was to pretend to have a fit4 ,the sympathising crowd gathered round4 ,no one knew exactly what to do1 but they suggested everything they could think of4 ,among the would-be helpers was an ,irish attendant1 who exclaimed3 8,sure an' it's a shame it is to see a fellow creature in disthress4 ,it's more air that he wants10 and forthwith proceeded to drag open my shirt4 ,i had on a beautiful tie and pin1 but these made no difference to the warm-hearted ,irishman4 ,he stuck his fingers in my collar and without wasting time in unbuttoning it--gosh6--tore it apart in his anxiety to give me air4 ,i saw my pin and tie going4 ,i grabbed both1 sprang to my feet and was through the door in a flash1 leaving the police1 the crowd and the warm-hearted ,irishman to make what they could of my wild proceedings4 ,the little string of fooleries didn't end there4 ,jumping into a jaunting car ,i drove to ,corlis's restaurant and took refuge there1 for the crowd were tearing after my car4 ,as ,i did not make my appearance the mob got tired and dispersed2 ,i then came out and went on to the ,abbey ,hotel4 ,as ,i took my seat in the dining room a waiter passed me with a beautiful chop1 bread and potatoes4 ,he was taking it to some other diner and the sight was too much for me4 ,looking him sternly in the face ,i exclaimed1 8,you've been a long time cooking that chop40 8,i'm very sorry1 sir--,i----0 8,sorry be hanged4 ,i've been waiting a deuce of a while and ,i'm very hungry40 ,he placed the chop before me and ,i ate it then and there4 ,how long the other man had to wait ,i can't say4 ,of course it was rather rough on him and ,i would have apologised had ,i dared4 ,i ought to add that the hoax that had been played on the ,lord ,mayor and ,lord ,randolph ,churchill soon got wind1 and that night when ,i performed at the circus the audience gave me a great reception and nothing was heard for some few minutes but cries of 8,cooking stoves--cooking stoves10 and no less would satisfy them than my sending for a stove to show how ,churchill had been 8had10 in which ,i had an advertisement as well as the stoves4 ,while at ,dublin ,i was invited to ,phnix ,park to see a sham fight4 ,i was accompanied by all ,mr4 ,hengler's company on horseback4 ,of course1 ,i being a well-known character1 they gave me one of the worst horses to ride4 ,the brute was called 8,merryman0 and he was in every sense well named4 ,directly the guns went off he bolted--,i was round his back--over his head--hatless--and ,i thought my time had come4 ,out of sheer merriment1 ,i suppose1 he took me among the soldiers1 and there was a rare hubbub till the colonel of the regiment ordered me up to his side4 ,i thought he was going to send me to the castle to be shot1 but instead of that he kept me by him in the midst of the fighting1 to the great joy of the spectators4 ,to see me flying about with frock coat over my head--sometimes with my arms clutching the horse's mane and sometimes apparently making for his tail--,i was a huge success4 ,practical joking seems to be part and parcel of circus life4 ,the most inveterate practical joker ,i ever knew was a man named ,dan ,leeson4 ,he was my travelling companion and we used to go shares in the apartments in the various towns where the circus stopped1 board1 etc4 ,but occasionally his jokes went beyond the limit4 ,i have seen him go out in the morning1 buy a mackerel1 cut it open and fill it full of gunpowder4 ,he would then with a needle and thread sew it up again1 take it home to the landlady1 and tell her to put it on the gridiron for breakfast4 ,you can imagine the result4 ,half the chimney blown away1 soot coming down1 landlady in hysterics1 police1 fire engines1 etc41 etc4 ,sometimes he would go into a public house and get a glass of beer and a bit of cheese and biscuit4 ,the cheese having been cut in squares1 he would buy some soap and cut it also in squares1 mix it with the cheese1 and sit down and await the result4 ,the grimaces and contortions of the victims who tasted the soap seemed to give him a morbid satisfaction4 ,leeson reached the limit in an outrageous prank he played in a ,liverpool theatre4 ,stuffing a piece of haddock in one of the sound holes of the double bass he awaited the outcome4 ,it wasn't long before the haddock showed signs of its presence4 ,its offence was rank and smelt to heaven4 ,the orchestra became conscious of its vile odour1 and complaints reached the manager1 but of course the cause was not suspected4 ,a manager doesn't as a rule consider the feelings of the orchestra1 and pooh-poohed their grumblings4 ,it was a different matter when the haddock became more lively2 the stallites sniffed1 and whispers began to be current that something was wrong with the drains of the ---- theatre4 ,the sanitary inspector was called in1 and an investigation was made4 ,the flooring was torn up1 pipes opened1 but nothing resulted beyond a long bill which the proprietor received with a long face4 ,gradually the decomposition of the haddock was completed and the nuisance ceased4 ,many months afterwards the secret oozed out4 ,but by that time the author of the unpleasant hoax was far away4 ,my impression is that there was a kink in ,leeson's brain1 and ,i'm glad that my association with him did not last long4 ,i believe he finished his career where he had few opportunities of exercising his fiendish power of invention4 ,it was said he died in prison4 ,the influence of clowning is very difficult to shake off4 ,it gets into the blood and pursues one outside the theatre4 ,the essence of harlequinade humour is practical joking1 and no matter where the clown may be he finds it hard to resist a chance of taking someone in after the fashion of footlights fun4 ,at least ,i found it to be so2 anyhow1 here is a case in point4 ,some theatrical friends and myself were enjoying ourselves one afternoon in a certain ,yorkshire hotel1 and the proprietor1 ,mr4 ,b----1 formed one of our party4 ,we were ensconced in his private parlour1 but with my usual restlessness1 ,i kept wandering in and out of the room searching for something which might afford material for a practical joke4 ,the rollicking spirit of mischief possessed me4 ,in the corridor ,i espied several pairs of boots which ,i knew belonged to the proprietor4 ,putting a pair of these in the pockets of my overcoat ,i went back to the parlour4 8,here1 ,mr4 ,b----10 ,i remarked1 8we know1 old man1 that you're not a bad sort4 ,when ,i was outside the hotel just now a rather well-dressed chap accosted me1 said he was hard-up1 and offered to sell me these boots1 which he says are relics of his better days4 ,they won't fit me1 but they seem just about your size4 ,try 'em on1 and see if you can do the poor fellow a good turn40 ,the proprietor1 who was rather shortsighted1 immediately took off his slippers1 tried on the boots and declared they fitted perfectly--which no doubt they did1 seeing he had worn them many times4 8,delighted60 exclaimed ,mr4 ,b----1 8,i'll have them4 ,give the poor fellow this half sovereign1 and tell him ,i'll keep the boots40 ,out came half a sovereign1 and ,i departed in search of the supposed starving man1 whose heartfelt thanks ,i brought back with me to the beaming proprietor1 who was highly gratified to be able to do a kind action4 ,of course1 we kept up the joke for some time1 and when it was played out and the half sovereign was returned1 the host insisted on spending it in refreshments for the company4 ,it may be that the 8fakes0 and dodges that showmen are so clever in concocting stimulate an unnatural sort of ingenuity which may well foster practical joking4 ,showmen are certainly past masters in the art of 8codding40 ,i recollect at the time of the ,zulu war how one showman conceived the idea of exhibiting a number of ,zulu warriors4 ,there was only one drawback--not a single ,zulu was at that moment in the country4 ,but drawbacks do not exist for the born showman and a party of ordinary niggers were easily made up into ,cetewayo's savage soldiery4 ,the arrangement of the 8war-dance0 one of them executed really had a touch of genius about it4 ,the place of exhibition was a penny show4 ,there were no seats and the visitors walked about where they liked4 ,when the 8war-dance0 was about to begin1 the exhibitor1 in that impressive manner which only a showman can put on1 warned everybody that the 8,zulu0 about to flourish his assegai was very dangerous and that every precaution would be taken1 but that to be on the safe side the spectators had better keep at a respectful distance4 ,this was enough to send a pleasant thrill through the gaping crowd and the 8precaution0 which followed heightened expectations4 ,the warrior in his native undress with a piece of skin--supposed to be from a lion--stalked in1 assegai in hand1 and gave a fiendish grin4 ,then a strong leather belt was put about his waist and having attached to it four stout ropes placed1 so to speak1 at the four points of the compass4 ,four men held the ropes so that the savage couldn't stir from the spot on which he was put4 ,then he started waving his spear1 contorting his body1 stamping with his bare feet and uttering unearthly howls expressive of his bloodthirsty desires4 ,although the ropes held him stationary there was nothing to prevent him hurling his assegai1 but this risk only added to the excitement1 and when the performance was over the audience departed quite satisfied that they had witnessed the real thing4 ,on one occasion this troupe of 8,zulus0 were let down badly4 ,the show was at a seaport town and among the sightseers was a number of sailors who had just come from ,south ,africa1 who had been up country and knew something of the ,zulu lingo4 ,they began to talk to the performers in what was supposed to be their native tongue1 and the niggers1 who had come from any part of ,africa save ,zululand1 were nonplussed4 ,if there is one thing ,jack hates it is being taken in1 and they went for the ,zulus1 the proprietor and the show4 ,there wasn't much of the latter left whole when they had finished4 ,i never could resist having a lark when the impulse and the opportunity came together4 ,they did so on one occasion at ,birmingham4 ,after the death of ,sir ,augustus ,harris1 ,mr4 ,henry ,dundas1 his partner1 produced the ,drury ,lane pantomime at the ,birmingham ,theatre1 and we had a rehearsal on ,christmas ,day4 ,after the first part of the rehearsal ,frank ,davies1 the stage manager1 and ,i1 went to a neighbouring hotel for some refreshment1 which we had in the dining room4 ,as we were leaving we passed the dinner lift1 which descended to the kitchen1 at the very moment when an appetising ,christmas pudding made its appearance on the little platform4 ,the sight was irresistible1 and before the pudding had time to vanish it was safely inside my ,inverness4 ,i expect the clown instinct was to blame4 ,anyhow1 we went off to the theatre wishing the hotel proprietor a 8jolly ,christmas0 as we went out of the hotel4 ,we ate the pudding on the stage and when the rehearsal was over we went back to the hotel for tea4 ,the proprietor was rather ratty1 and1 full of sympathy1 we enquired the reason4 ,he told us that he and his staff had been done out of their ,christmas pudding through the misbehaviour of the cook4 8,when it didn't come10 he explained1 8,i called the cook1 who swore she had sent it up4 ,i told her she'd been drinking and sacked her at a minute's notice40 ,we hadn't bargained for this4 ,i'm afraid it didn't occur to us that the cook would get into a row1 and we told him what had become of the pudding1 thinking he would see the joke4 ,but he was as blind as a bat1 angrier than ever1 and talked about prosecuting us for theft6 ,the story became known3 it got into the papers under the heading1 8,who stole the ,christmas pudding80 and maybe the advertisement the hotel got soothed the proprietor1 for we made it all right with him1 and the cook was taken back4 ,apropos of ,birmingham1 one season when ,i was with ,hengler's ,circus at ,curzon ,hall1 ,i met a fellow who made out that he was a poor professional comrade4 ,he told me he had got something for me in the shape of a wonderful singing canary1 and ,i said1 8,let's have a look at it40 ,we went into the 8,boat0 inn and he took me into the back room and brought out of his pocket a stick about two feet long with a little perch attached4 ,from his other pocket he produced a small cage with a canary4 ,then he balanced the stick on his nose1 let the bird loose1 and it flew on the top of the stick and began to sing4 ,this struck me as a novelty1 and ,i said1 8,let me try it40 ,i did1 and the dear little thing went through the business all right4 ,i bought the bird right away for two pounds4 ,it so happened that we had a matinee in the afternoon and ,i told ,mr4 ,powell1 the manager1 that ,i had a great novelty for the children1 but ,i wouldn't let him know what it was1 intending to keep it a great secret till ,i appeared in the arena4 ,i started by telling the children that ,i had something wonderful for them4 ,i balanced the stick on my nose1 opened the cage1 the little bird flew out1 but instead of alighting on the stick1 it rose straight away to the top of the building4 ,of course everybody said they didn't think much of the novelty and the only thing that came of it was that ,i made myself a great laughing stock4 ,i hunted for the man who sold the bird and sold me in addition day after day1 but all ,i found out was that he was a swindler4 ,he had put me off with a common hen canary1 which he had substituted for the trained bird4 ,it was only fair1 ,i suppose1 that having played off my 8whimsicalities0 on other people1 ,i should have a share in return4 ,the canary trick was one of these acts of retaliation1 and a practical joke ,i suffered at the hands of a professional ventriloquist who was called 8,valentine ,vox0 was another4 ,val was a great friend of mine and we were both very fond of fishing4 ,when we were performing at the ,liverpool ,empire he came to my dressing room one day1 saying3 8,whimmy1 ,i'm going fishing to-morrow just over the bar4 ,i've a beautiful yacht2 will you come80 ,i said ,i would and enquired where we were to meet4 8,at ,prince's landing stage10 said he1 adding1 8,we shall have plenty of refreshments on board40 ,we met the next morning with our sea fishing tackle4 ,i looked about for the beautiful yacht1 but could see nothing of the kind4 8,oh10 said he1 8that's all right4 ,she's anchored outside4 ,jump aboard this boat and these chaps will take us to it40 ,the boat was a clumsy mud barge attached to a tug which dragged us some little distance down the ,mersey4 ,i saw a twinkle in his eye4 ,we crawled along and ,i began to have my suspicions1 which were soon verified1 for the beautiful yacht of which he had spoken was nothing but a mud barge6 ,the only excuse ,val gave me was that he thought it much safer than the yacht1 and so it may have been1 but the worst of it was that once on we couldn't get off1 and we were on that barge in the broiling sun all day till five o'clock at night4 ,we never had a bite--much less a fish1 and there was nothing for it but to go to sleep1 and sleep ,i did6 ,illustration3 ,all ready to appear before the ,british ,public1 ,drury ,lane ,theatre ,pantomime ,,chapter ,,xii ,more odds and ends4 ,how ,i was rescued from 8drowning0 at ,douglas4 ,the mock medals4 ,a night sensation at sea4 ,i act as a race-course steward at the ,manx 8,derby40 ,a good old 8gag40 ,i personate another actor at ,warrington4 ,dan ,leno's champion clog dancing4 ,eccentric lodging house keepers4 ,selling the 8deadheads40 ,advertisements introduced into performing4 ,a mean firm4 ,curried fowl and the disappointed supers4 ,advertising an electric bell4 ,the audience 8sold40 ,i play at the ,cirque ,nouveau1 ,paris4 ,my excess of zeal4 ,i recall an unrehearsed incident at ,douglas1 in the ,isle of ,man4 ,hengler's ,circus was situated on the quay and while it was there the maiden voyage of the steamship ,the ,peveril from ,liverpool to ,douglas took place4 ,thousands and thousands of people waited on the pier to see this new boat arrive and all were agog to give it a hearty reception4 ,it would be about noon when ,connor1 the manager of the circus1 said to me chaffingly1 8,i'll bet you a bottle of champagne you don't fall in the water40 8,done10 ,i said4 ,i went into my dressing room in the circus and prepared for the plunge4 ,connor hired a boat for himself1 his wife and children1 and ,i was to have gone with them4 ,i followed them down the steps and they all got in the boat4 ,i was the last and ,i was just going to put my foot on the boat when ,i slipped and fell into the water4 ,amid loud yells of 8,a man overboard60 two fishermen put off and dragged me into their boat1 ,i making myself as heavy as possible1 as though ,i'd been half drowned4 ,i was put into a carriage and driven to the circus1 which was only about #ajj yards away1 and underwent the process of first aid1 the best part of which was the liberal dose of brandy administered4 ,the 8accident0 caused intense excitement and no end of talk1 and hundreds of people came to the circus to see if poor dear old ,whimmy was all right4 ,everybody breathed much more easily when they saw a board with a bill on it announcing that ,i should appear 8,every evening at half past seven40 ,it was a huge advertisement for both me and the circus1 and what was more1 ,i won my bet6 ,the thing was too good to let drop without making the most of it and as it was about the time for my benefit to come off1 we were looking about for something startling to draw the public4 8,why not make use of your #8narrow escape from drowning1'0 said ,mr4 ,connor4 8,what about giving a medal to each of the fishermen who pulled you out of the water and saved your life80 8,splendid60 ,i replied4 ,bills setting forth the heroism of the fishermen and a good deal of flummery besides were printed1 and ,i needn't say the house was crowded4 ,the medals 7made in ,birmingham7 cost me about #as4 #c;d4 each1 and the moment came for me to present them to the brave fishermen4 ,the medals were beautifully wrapped up in tissue paper and the audience applauded1 doubtless thinking they were solid gold4 ,the fishermen looked at these two medals--awfully common things they were--contemptuously and threw them in the sawdust4 ,then turning to me one of them growled indignantly3 8,what the thingummy do you mean by insulting us with things like this8 ,i wish to what's-his-name you'd drowned40 ,and they walked out disgusted1 muttering all the uncomplimentary things about me they could think of4 ,everyone knows that the ,isle of ,man is the place for sprees4 ,i was an actor in one of them at the ,douglas races4 ,the ,douglas 8,derby10 ,i may remark1 is a lovely burlesque of the ,epsom festival4 ,the course consists of a run over about nine fields for a quarter of a mile1 and the grand stand is made out of orange boxes4 ,i was made one of the stewards and wore the biggest of rosettes1 of which ,i was not half proud1 or pretended to be4 ,for the first race five horses were entered4 ,i only saw one come in--,i think the other four must have fallen over the cliff1 as we never found them from that day to this4 ,no race6 ,just before the second race started one of the horses bolted1 knocked a poor old gentleman down1 smashed his teeth1 and he had to be taken to the hospital4 ,there were eight or nine horses in this race and when the first horse passed the post my impression was that it had won1 and ,i gave my decision accordingly4 ,it was pointed out that ,i was quite wrong1 a fearful row sprang up1 and the stewards were threatened with instant death if they didn't give the race to the third horse that came in4 ,i said1 of course1 that it was wrong1 but a horrible fate was held out to me and ,i threw up the sponge4 ,the third race was the big event--the ,manx 8,derby40 ,a man whom ,i didn't know came up to me and whispered3 8,the man who has been taking the money at the gate has disappeared with the cash4 ,the best advice ,i can give you is to take that rosette off1 and get away to ,douglas as soon as possible1 or they'll have your life40 ,it turned out that the story of the theft was true and the thief made good his escape to ,liverpool4 ,i lost no time in getting back to ,douglas and suffered no harm4 ,it was otherwise with a man named ,williams1 who had something to do with the committee4 ,an angry crowd broke every window in his shop4 ,after this experience1 no more steward business for me6 ,the great spectacle at the circus just then was a series representing incidents in the ,zulu ,war1 and there came a time when the show wanted livening up a bit4 ,now a little way outside ,douglas beach is what they call a 8tower of refuge10 and when the tide is out you can walk to it4 ,mr4 ,albert ,hengler and ,i put our heads together for some new 8business0 and we decided that we would have some fun on the 8tower of refuge40 ,to make our scheme successful we had to wait till it was a bit misty1 and on a suitable night when the tide was up about five minutes past eleven1 as the hotels were letting out the people1 there was a fierce glare in the sky over the 8tower of refuge0 and everybody rushed out into the streets and on the sea shore in great alarm4 ,our plan for amusing the ,manx visitors had started4 ,we had collected some forty supers and planted them on the 8tower of refuge40 ,we had ready a large fishing smack on the opposite side and this we boarded and were taken out to sea4 ,the supers1 supposed to be ,zulus1 had been provided with guns1 which at a given signal they fired1 at the same time making a fearful noise with their war cries4 ,rockets1 squibs and red fire added to the picture4 ,never was there such a hullabaloo in the ,isle of ,man1 what with the panic and the preliminary drinks4 ,the trippers thought the end of the world had come4 ,the police were at their wits' end to know what to make of it4 ,they suspected foul play1 and running for boats they set out for the tower to capture the offenders4 ,we had reckoned for something like this and hence our selection of a misty night4 ,of course we were invisible1 for by the time the constables were at the tower we were in the sailing boat and were right out to sea4 ,they could not find out the offenders1 and it was some hours before the truth oozed out--all to the good of the show4 ,the stage methods of getting in a wheeze to make the audience laugh are infinite4 ,i remember one in connection with an engagement ,i was fulfilling in a big ,english provincial city4 ,i was clowning in the centre of the ring1 and after the lady rider had completed one of her paper hoop breaking circuits1 ,i1 by previous arrangement1 entered into a fierce altercation with a groom for not holding his hoop properly4 ,when the altercation was in full blast1 he gave me--or pretended to give me--a heavy blow1 and ,i fell on the sawdust in an apparent fit of hysterics4 8,brandy60 cried the ringmaster1 as he rushed to my assistance4 8,brandy6 ,the poor fellow is in a fit40 ,a groom hurried from the ring entrance with a bottle--which1 by the way didn't contain the real stuff--and ,i seized the bottle and began to drink feverishly4 ,then ,i yelled for 8,more brandy6 ,more brandy60 8,very sorry1 ,walker10 said the ringmaster1 soothingly1 8but there's no more brandy left40 8,no more brandy80 ,i cried4 8,no more brandy8 ,then if there's no more brandy there are no more fits60 ,of course1 the gag is an old one1 and has been done many times2 but that ringmaster1 with quiet sarcasm always afterwards addressed me as 8,mr4 ,fitz-,walker60 ,i was once on a visit to my son1 who was appearing at ,ohmy's ,circus1 then performing at the ,court ,theatre at ,warrington1 and ,i was strolling up the town when ,i met ,harry ,leopold1 who was my fellow clown in the ,drury ,lane pantomime1 8,beauty and the ,beast10 in #ahij4 ,said he3 8,whimmy1 you're the very man ,i'm looking for40 8,oh1 what's up now80 ,he told me that his brother ,john had gone to ,leeds on some very important legal business1 that ,john could not appear at the 8,court0 that night1 and that the manager of the theatre 7a ,mr4 ,potter7 had intimated that if he did not appear the engagement would be cancelled4 ,would ,i take his place and save the situation8 ,as ,i was very much like ,john--in fact1 we were often taken for twins--the thing might be done1 but there was one objection4 ,i knew nothing about the play4 8,what's that to do with it8 ,all we have to do with it is to have a rehearsal10 said ,harry4 ,this got over the difficulty4 ,i consented4 ,i went through the business just to see what it was all about1 and at #e o'clock1 ,mr4 ,potter was informed that ,john had arrived4 ,the theatre opened1 the show commenced1 and ,i got on all right in the first act1 what with falling about1 going up and down water spouts 7the pipes1 not the water71 etc41 to the delight of the audience4 ,the second act was a schoolroom scene and in one part ,i had to hit the schoolmaster on the head with a tray4 ,i did it so effectually that ,i laid him out2 the schoolmaster acted no more that night1 but the audience were greatly pleased2 they thought it was all in the show4 ,i played the part all through the week1 and then came ,saturday night--settling up night4 ,john had arrived by this time1 and went into ,mr4 ,potter's room to draw his salary4 ,when the money had been handed over1 ,mr4 ,potter said solemnly1 8,john1 if you had not appeared on ,monday night ,i should certainly have had to close the theatre1 as ,i never like to disappoint my audience4 ,now here are two returning dates for you40 ,john thanked him and suggested a glass of wine4 ,they adjourned to the hotel next to the theatre1 with myself and nearly all the company4 ,when there1 ,john introduced me to ,mr4 ,potter and told him how he had been had4 ,oh1 the language that followed6 ,mr4 ,potter raged and stormed in such a fashion that the proprietor sent for a policeman1 who gently but firmly led him out4 ,mr4 ,potter never forgave either of us4 ,the mention of ,ohmy's ,circus brings to my mind that it was when this circus was at ,accrington my dear old friend ,dan ,leno had the start in life which first brought him into fame1 though no one at the time could have foreseen what a wonderful dramatic career he was destined to have4 ,everyone knows that he began as an astonishingly clever clog dancer4 ,he defeated competitor after competitor1 but in a contest for a champion belt1 the referee gave it against him--a notoriously unfair decision4 ,dan said nothing1 but some little time later he issued a challenge of #djj to the alleged champion1 which challenge had never been accepted4 ,the champion made no reply1 but contented himself with buying the belt from the donor for #aj and conveniently losing it4 ,dan took no more notice of the champion and at a contest which was arranged between him and another expert he so conclusively proved his superiority that no one after that ventured to question his right to be the best clog dancer in ,england4 ,the ways and manners of many of the ladies who cater for theatrical and other professional lodgers are sometimes not such as to awaken much affection for them4 ,i am led to the belief that they are a race apart1 and that they look upon the professional1 whether he be from the theatre1 the music-hall or the circus1 as a kind of lemon to be squeezed dry4 ,during a visit to the north1 two of us were in lodgings1 on the customary understanding that we provided our own food4 ,we suspected that the landlady had taken a particular fancy to our potatoes1 which when served were usually very deficient in number1 as cooked1 as compared with the number when raw4 ,consequently1 one morning before we went out1 we decided to count the potatoes1 and afterwards compare the numbers with those served1 when we returned and they were placed on the dinner table4 ,accordingly we took a record of the number of 8murphys10 went to rehearsal1 and then returned to dinner4 ,the potatoes were duly served up--but they had been mashed6 ,the landlady knew something6 ,here is an illustration of the strange notions which some ,scottish landladies have of ,english tastes and customs4 ,when fulfilling an engagement in a well-known ,scottish city ,i went out for a stroll one afternoon and purchased some watercress1 which ,i thought would form a fitting accompaniment to the cold ham which ,i was to have for tea4 ,i sent the watercress by messenger to my lodgings1 which were not far distant1 and when ,i returned ,i was amused and astonished to find the landlady had decorated every small vase in the room and the china ornaments on the mantelpiece with the watercress4 ,she evidently imagined it was a kind of fern6 ,i believe ,charles ,dickens once said or wrote that the ruling passion in the human breast was the passion of asking for orders for the play4 ,anyhow1 when people whom ,i have only met in the most casual manner unblushingly ask me to give them passes for any show ,i may be connected with1 ,i often wonder how they imagine the manager pays his way4 ,i should like to know what they would think of a performer who went into a butcher's shop and asked the butcher for a joint of beef1 or a motor car dealer for a ,rolls-,royce8 ,it is a curious thing1 but ,i have noticed that the deadheads or 8non-payers0 are always the hardest to please1 and the very first to run the show down4 ,this leads me to something which occurred in a town up north1 where ,i had a two hours' wait4 ,i was going into an hotel and in the passage accidentally knocked down a bill that evidently had just been stuck up by the billing man from the local theatre4 ,i took it with me into the smoke room and read it by a better light1 and found it was a bill of a ,shakespearean company visiting the town on the following week1 and ,i hung it up on the wall4 ,while ,i was so doing the landlord came in and said he supposed ,i was the advance agent for the company4 ,i felt so flattered that ,i let him think so1 and extolled the players and the dresses in my most exuberant and convincing style4 ,his wife came in and ,i went all over it again1 warming to the task4 ,never had anything like it visited the town2 the artistes were the pick of the ,london theatres1 playing under assumed names1 so as to account for them not having been heard of before4 ,the scenery had been designed by ,royal ,academicians and painted by the leading scenic artists1 ,telbin1 ,hawes ,craven1 ,bruce ,smith1 etc41 while the ladies' dresses came straight from the ,rue de la ,paix4 ,i was in my glory2 ,i commenced to believe it myself4 ,thousands had been spent on the production1 and so on and so on4 ,the other customers commenced to sit up and take notice1 and the climax ,i'd been working up to arrived4 ,could ,i give the landlord and his wife and daughter a pass for early closing night8 ,that did it4 ,i wrote them a pass 8,admit three1 ,box ,b1 ,thursday night10 and signed myself 8,hookey ,walker40 ,then the customers jumped at the chance2 they all had a go at me2 ,i gave them passes signed with different names4 ,i felt ,i'd done my best1 so ,i caught my train to ,leeds1 where ,i was playing the following week4 ,i have often wondered what happened to those people when they turned up at the theatre on early closing night1 the best night of the week1 with the bogus passes6 ,not infrequently approaches are made to the simple-minded 8pro0 through the ready method of 8standing treat10 and really ,i've had foolish people spend more money in this way than the seat would cost4 ,once1 however1 the boot was on the other leg4 ,i was having a glass at my own expense when an insinuating person entered into conversation which ,i made sure was going to lead up to the usual request1 especially as from one or two words he let fall--he evidently took me for an agent in advance4 ,he was so excessively complimentary and flattering that ,i could hardly do less than ask him to join me in a drink1 and he accepted my invitation at once4 ,after he'd drained his glass he enquired 8,are you having another80 ,i was2 whereupon he remarked calmly3 8,all right then1 ,i'll wait outside for you40 ,his impudence so took me aback that ,i didn't know whether to be angry or amused4 ,some of the oddest things happen in connection with the advertisements which enterprising firms arrange to have introduced into the pantomime4 ,it generally falls to the lot of the unhappy clown to have to engineer the introduction4 ,sometimes they get directly or indirectly a small remuneration4 ,sometimes they don't4 ,once when ,i was with ,hengler's in the provinces1 ,mr4 ,powell1 the circus manager1 told me that a ,liverpool firm wanted their 8beautiful two-shilling tea0 brought in somehow1 and that they would make it worth my while if ,i could do it4 ,i did do it--for all it was worth and perhaps more4 ,but the firm were silent over my recompense1 and chancing to be near ,liverpool1 ,i called at the shop1 which was a kind of universal store1 and saw the manager on the matter4 ,in those days ,i prided myself on my swagger tailoring1 and especially on my tall silk hat1 which was always of the best and glossiest1 and the manager1 after listening to my representations1 offered me and the member of the company who was with me two of the cheapest and commonest bowler hats they had in stock4 ,we walked out of the shop1 leaving the hats behind us4 ,that night and for several other nights ,i had my revenge4 ,i introduced my packet of the 8beautiful two-shilling tea10 and after a suitable wheeze opened the packet and poured out the contents--sawdust6 ,i don't think the firm was pleased4 ,another experience was of a different kind4 ,the article to be advertised was somebody's tinned curried chicken and rabbit1 and to stimulate my imagination1 ,i suppose1 they sent me samples1 which ,i needn't say ,i tasted1 and found very good4 ,accompanying my samples was a quantity of other tins exactly similar and having the letter 8,d0 marked on the outside4 ,the ,israelites got tired of quails1 and ,i began to tire of curried chicken and rabbit1 so ,i turned the lot over to the property master1 who picked out one and was perfectly satisfied4 ,but1 like me1 he did not care for curry every day1 so he distributed the rest among the stage hands1 who were only too pleased at the prospect of a dainty supper for once4 ,but delight turned to rage when they opened their tins4 ,they were all dummies and this was what the letter 8,d0 stood for6 ,they went for the property master1 who they thought had sold them4 ,but the poor man was blameless4 ,he had by the merest chance picked out a genuine tin4 ,a droll business was that of the much advertised ,harness electric belt4 ,it was believed to be a fraud1 and time showed that this belief was justified4 ,as people were talking about the exposure it seemed to be a good subject for burlesque1 and ,i worked out something4 ,i solemnly told the audience that my donkey's surcingle 7the girth that went round his body7 was electrified1 and attaching a rope to it with a bell at the surcingle end ,i pattered a lot about electricity being life1 and invited anyone who wanted a shock to step upon the stage4 ,first one and then another obliged me1 and soon there was quite a queue all holding the rope4 ,i asked them to pull4 ,the bell rang1 but nothing else happened4 ,they looked very blank and ,i pretended to be much surprised4 8,what--no shock80 said ,i4 ,they shook their heads4 8,strange60 ,i murmured4 8,try again40 ,they did try1 but no shock followed4 ,i scratched my chin as if much puzzled4 8,try once more4 ,there ought to be a shock1 you know40 ,evidently the queue thought so too1 and they made another effort4 8,oh well10 ,i exclaimed despairingly1 8if that's the case it's no use going on any longer4 ,i'm much obliged to you gentlemen for your kind assistance1 but you see how it is40 ,they dropped the rope1 looking much disappointed1 and were about to file down to their seats when a confederate among the little crowd indignantly demanded to know what ,i had been up to8 8,oh10 said ,i carelessly1 8,i only wanted to know how many fools ,i could draw to the donkey's ,harness belt40 ,the fun was seized upon instantly and the audience shook with laughter4 ,i don't know whether those who had been taken in liked the joke or not4 ,but this was of no consequence4 ,when ,i was engaged at the ,cirque ,nouveau in the ,rue ,honor1 ,paris1 ,i was the victim of excess of zeal4 ,in ,spain ,i found ,i was able to overcome the difficulties of the language by making myself master of four or five words4 ,i could say 8good-day10 8good-night10 8sing0 7this was to my donkey71 8wine0 7,i needn't mention how useful this word was72 this was all1 but it sufficed4 ,the ,spaniards said ,i spoke ,spanish like a native--but this might have been out of politeness4 ,recollecting my linguistical success in ,madrid1 ,i thought ,i would try to do the same thing in ,paris4 ,i employed a ,french schoolmaster to teach me4 ,i hadn't too much time in which to acquire proficiency and ,i set to work to cram myself1 especially with the ,french equivalents of the various wheezes which went down well in ,england4 ,it was all a job and meant two or three sleepless nights4 ,however1 at the end ,i was under the impression ,i spoke ,french like a ,parisian1 and ,i proudly displayed my accomplishments in the ring4 ,somehow the audience did not seem to laugh so heartily as ,i expected1 and at the end of my show the manager sent for me4 8,what the deuce 7or a word to that effect7 did you mean by talking ,french80 he demanded angrily4 ,i explained my reasons and represented how hard ,i had studied4 8,hang it10 was his reply1 8didn't ,i engage you as an ,english clown8 ,the people who came to see you were nearly all ,english and ,american1 and you do nothing but talk ,french4 ,they don't understand a word you're saying40 ,i admitted that this might be so and for the future ,i went back to my ,cockney tongue1 doubtless to everybody's relief4 ,but ,i was rather upset at having wasted my energies4 ,,chapter ,,xiii ,american notes4 ,a bogus boxing match4 ,dispersed by hose-pipe4 ,jem ,mace and ,joe ,goss4 ,i second ,mace and get the worst of it4 ,queer ,american law4 ,washed away on ,coney ,island4 ,an insulted ,irishman4 ,how ,i started 8,sequah0 in business4 ,daring robbery of my presentation watch and chain4 ,curious coincidences4 ,terrible death of a ,barnum acrobat4 ,i go to ,america with ,charlie ,chaplin4 ,an unlucky tour4 ,the company collapse in ,seattle4 ,the discomforts of a ,seattle hospital4 ,i return to ,england4 ,an unexpected shower bath4 ,chased by a hippopotamus4 ,not a few odd things happened to me in ,america4 ,i have already mentioned some4 ,one of the tours in the ,states opened at ,madison ,square ,gardens for six weeks and we gave up one night for a boxing match between ,john ,l4 ,sullivan and ,tug ,wilson4 ,of course we had a holiday that night and we all went to see this fight4 ,it was a bit of a farce4 ,tug ,wilson only had to go through four rounds1 and every time that ,sullivan was going to hit him with the glove he fell down4 ,after the four rounds there was a fearful hubbub1 the audience seeing that it was a planned thing4 ,fights and scrambles were going on all over the place and ,i was helpless against the crowd and had to go with it4 ,i was lifted off my legs and somehow ,i was forced into the boxers' dressing room with ,tug ,wilson's manager4 ,he had with him a little black bag with the dollars in it and we at once barricaded the door the best way we could4 ,outside the mob were shouting 8,open the door6 ,we want our money back60 ,the manager could not see his way to do this and we remained prisoners until somebody outside suggested the hose-pipe6 ,a dozen willing hands went to work4 ,they made a big hole in the wall in less than no time1 put the hose-pipe on us1 and the next minute we were swamped4 ,the water was nearly up to our waists till the police came and gave us our liberty4 ,i believe ,tug ,wilson took #e1jjj dollars back to ,birmingham4 ,another episode connected with boxing matches happened to me also in ,new ,york4 ,howes and ,cushing's ,circus had a piece of ground in #adth ,street1 right opposite ,tony ,pastor's1 and here they engaged ,jem ,mace and ,joe ,goss to give sparring exhibitions afternoon and evening4 ,i1 being the ,english clown1 had to second ,jem ,mace--my pal the other clown1 an ,american1 ,teddy ,almonte1 seconded ,joe ,goss4 ,the champions set to and ,jem ,mace showed his usual cleverness with his head in avoiding his antagonist's blows4 ,once he made a rapid duck and ,i caught the glove in my face4 ,it was a lovely little tap--it didn't hurt me1 but the blood began to run down my nose and ,i fell on my back about three or four feet away4 ,of course it was a big success with the audience1 but not with me1 so ,i hopped it out of the ring and went into my dressing room4 ,presently the pugilistic gentlemen came in4 ,i had my handkerchief to my nose and said to ,jem ,mace3 8,take this iron steak and hit him on the head with it40 ,he said1 8,what for80 ,i said1 8,see what he's done3 surely you'll take my part40 ,and all that ,i got from ,jem ,mace was3 8,keep your eyes open in future40 ,that finished my career as a second4 ,the law as it is in ,america struck me as peculiar4 ,i remember that on one occasion a nail in one of the seats of the circus got attached to a portion of one of our patron's clothing4 ,he claimed a new pair4 ,i was sent with the man to a lawyer to estimate the damage--it struck me at the time a tailor would have been a better man for the job4 ,however1 we reached the office and the lawyer induced the man to take three dollars and leave the old pair of trousers4 ,first he signed a document to that effect and after it was duly signed the man held his hand out for payment4 ,but the lawyer said he must first hand over the torn pair4 ,by the time the man had gone home to change his garments the circus had moved to the next town1 together with the man's three dollars4 ,i was once at ,coney ,island--the ,brighton of ,america--with the ,mexican ,circus there1 run by the ,brothers ,carlo4 ,we pitched on the sands and had a good deal of difficulty in erecting the booths as the sand there is so soft4 ,we slept at the wooden shanty1 dignified by the name of hotel1 and one morning we awoke to find the circus and paraphernalia gone6 ,in the middle of the night the tide had risen higher than usual and took the lot away4 ,that was the end of the circus at ,coney ,island4 ,i have already mentioned the ,leopolds4 ,they were of ,irish extraction and their real name was ,kelly4 ,john1 who was my fellow clown at ,drury ,lane1 and who was so like me that ,i was once able to play for him and get him out of a scrape1 was touring with his brother ,willie at ,warrington1 in the ,united ,states2 and when staying in ,new ,york paid a visit to the poorer quarters of the city1 where the people were mostly negroes4 ,they were very much amused at the antics of some little black children who were playing about in the street1 and ,willie ,leopold suggested to ,john that it would be a great novelty to take one of the little niggers back to ,england and put it into a comic act1 as no one had hitherto thought of doing this1 although it was successfully done by several people afterwards4 ,john agreed1 and they were just wondering how they should approach the parents and what it would cost to take them over1 when a black woman opened a window and putting her head out cried1 8,come inside1 you naughty piccaninnies1 playin' out there in the gutter4 ,folks'll fink yo's ,irish60 ,i can still see the look of indignation which went over ,john's great fat good-tempered face when he told me of the insult to his country4 ,my acquaintance with ,jem ,mace and ,joe ,goss led to many interesting talks over the cheerful glass about the bygone glories of the prize ring both in ,england and in ,america4 ,the ,new ,york exponents of the 8noble art0 who sometimes joined us had much to say about prize fighting in the ,states1 especially in the western towns4 ,apparently there was no rule to guide the combatants4 ,fights were go-as-you-please affairs4 ,a match generally started with the question from one or the other fighter something like this3 8,will you fight fair or take it rough and tumble80 and if the gentleman was of the bragging swashbuckler order 7which as a rule he was7 he might add3 8,i can whip you each way1 by thunder60 ,what was meant by fighting 8fair0 my informant could not say exactly1 but about the 8rough and tumble0 method there was no mystery4 ,any kind of injury either champion could inflict1 no matter how1 was considered legitimate4 ,they bit and kicked2 they hit below the belt or other parts of the body excluded by the ,queensberry rules1 and the time limit between the rounds was extremely elastic4 ,years after1 when ,sayers1 ,mace1 ,goss and other ,british 8pugs0 were in their prime1 ,john ,morissey came to the front in ,america4 ,john ,morissey once had a fight with an ,englishman1 ,thompson by name4 ,thompson knocked his man down eleven times and was himself very little hurt4 ,in spite of this ,morissey was declared the winner because of a foul blow struck by ,thompson4 ,considering ,american methods1 this scrupulousness strikes one as somewhat extraordinary1 but there was an adequate explanation4 ,had ,thompson beaten ,morissey he would have been shot by ,morissey's friends6 ,i recollect ,joe ,goss in another connection4 ,mr4 ,bailey1 who ran the ,barnum show after ,mr4 ,barnum's death1 presented me with a gold watch and chain which had once belonged to the famous fighter4 ,the chain was a very massive one and said to be the handsomest ever manufactured4 ,years after1 when ,i was playing in a pantomime at ,drury ,lane1 ,i was robbed of both in a very ingenious and systematic way4 ,the rehearsal one day had been particularly long and fatiguing and when ,i came out of the theatre ,i was dead beat4 ,i went to my nephew's lodgings1 not far from ,drury ,lane1 for a rest and a sleep1 as ,i had another rehearsal at eight o'clock that night4 ,i told my nephew to wake me at seven o'clock1 but to be doubly sure ,i set the alarm clock at that hour4 ,then taking off my watch and chain and rings1 ,i placed them near the pillow and threw myself on the bed4 ,i slept so soundly that ,i never heard the alarm and my nephew did not come4 ,it was half past seven when ,i awoke1 and quite dark4 ,i turned up the light and looked for my watch and chain4 ,both were gone and my rings and everything4 ,thieves had found their way to the room4 ,it turned out that my nephew had gone out to give his little dog a run and had been waylaid by the gang1 enticed to drink1 and detained while their confederates robbed me4 ,i had been watched for days most probably1 and my habits noted4 ,when ,i got to the theatre and told my boss1 ,i wasn't believed4 ,it was all 8cod0 and so on4 ,of course ,i went to the police4 ,three detectives were put on the job1 but their efforts came to nothing4 ,i never saw my presentation watch and chain any more4 ,it may be mentioned as a singular coincidence that ,edward ,giovanelli1 a noted clown in the 'fifties1 lost a watch and a medallion in much the same fashion--that is to say he was watched previous to the robbery4 ,his watch was also a presentation one and was given to him by his nephews the ,leopolds4 ,a dog also figured in the robbery1 which took place in the street4 ,just one more watch coincidence1 which came about through a tour in ,america4 ,while at the ,centennial ,exhibition in ,philadelphia ,i ran across a young man named ,arthur ,pitt1 whose father1 an innkeeper at ,barnsley1 ,i knew very well4 ,arthur was a professional runner and when ,i met him he was terribly hard-up1 and ,i bought his watch1 the gift of his father1 for fifty dollars4 ,some years later1 when ,i was with ,hengler's ,circus at ,scarborough1 and chanced to go into the 8,silver ,grid0 ,hotel1 who should be there but ,sam ,pitt1 ,arthur's father1 and while having a drink ,i chanced to take out my watch1 and he no sooner caught sight of it than he exclaimed 8,why1 that's my son's watch40 ,i told him how ,i became possessed of it and he bought it on the spot and insisted upon giving me #bj4 ,those attached to travelling circuses are bound to have ups and downs1 and ,i have had a few1 but nothing so terrible as on a certain night when ,barnum's menagerie train stopped at a western station and was shunted into a siding for the night4 ,this was not an uncommon experience1 and as we were provided with sleeping accommodation we were comfortable enough as a rule4 ,on this occasion the siding was very close to the main track--in fact only just wide enough to allow a train to pass without touching our cars4 ,one of our party1 a young acrobat1 had gone to get some beer1 and when coming back was caught in this narrow space by a goods train1 which he either did not see or was not quick enough to avoid4 ,in an instant he was spun round like a top and was literally cut to pieces4 ,it was an awful sight4 ,it was on my ninth visit to ,america that ,i went out with ,charlie ,chaplin1 about whom ,i shall have something to say later on4 ,it came about in this way4 ,i was on my beam ends--nothing to do--just lost my savings in a bad speculation1 and absolutely broke to the world4 ,i was in ,london looking for work and ,i met a friend who invited me to have some refreshment with him1 so we went into an hotel1 where we found ,charlie ,chaplin1 ,arthur ,reeves1 ,charlie ,baldwin 7who wrote my sketch1 8,captain ,hamilton1 ,v4,c407 and two or three others4 ,one of the party hailed me4 8,whimmy10 said he1 8we were just talking about you4 ,how would you like to go to ,america8 ,we sail to-morrow morning40 8,what's the business80 ,i asked4 8,fred ,karno's sending the #8,wow ,wows' 7one of ,karno's burlesque companies7 with ,charlie ,chaplin4 ,will you come with us and play a part80 8,what about the salary80 was my natural query4 ,we discussed this important matter and eventually settled terms1 but it was absolutely the lowest salary ,i ever had for forty years4 ,still1 ,i was glad to take it1 and went into the billiard room and signed the contract4 ,we left ,waterloo station early next morning and were off to ,america4 ,we arrived at ,new ,york to find that ,new ,york had greatly altered4 ,in fact it was a new ,america4 ,i had been there eight previous times1 but it was a new world to me1 everybody and everything had altered so much4 ,we found we were up against great opposition4 ,the caterers for amusement had increased and multiplied since my previous visit4 ,the taste had changed and novelties had been introduced to suit the jaded palates of the excitement-seeking ,americans4 ,we were on the ,sullivan circuit and at each town we had opposition at the other theatres--,sarah ,bernhardt at one theatre and ,mrs4 ,langtry at the other--until we got right up to ,san ,francisco4 ,we then went on to ,bute1 #b1jjj feet above the sea1 and when we arrived there we found out that the theatre at which we had arranged to appear had been burnt down4 ,ill luck seemed bent upon pursuing us4 ,however1 our manager engaged a large hall and we opened4 ,most of the population were miners1 diggers1 etc41 and a very rough lot too4 ,it was the roughest place ,i have ever been into4 ,the climate1 the hard travelling and the living didn't suit any of us1 and the company began to feel very bad4 ,the ladies lost their voices--the gentlemen could hardly work1 and some of them1 including myself1 began bleeding at the nose4 ,this rather frightened some of us1 and to make matters worse we could not get any quinine at the drug stores4 ,possibly we had influenza very badly4 ,we were glad enough to be free from the town and we travelled on to ,seattle1 the starting point for the ,klondyke region4 ,it was a very long journey and raining hard all the while4 ,i became so bad that ,i thought my time had come4 ,i went to my hotel1 but could not sleep or rest a bit4 ,i got up early the next morning and saw ,mr4 ,alf ,reeves1 he being the manager of the show1 told him my condition1 and he sent me to ,dr4 ,bourne1 a very clever theatrical doctor4 ,i saw the doctor the next morning and the first words he said were1 8,you have got erysipelas in the face4 ,i must send you to the fever hospital immediately4 ,it is contagious40 ,he 'phoned1 the ambulance was at the door in less than ten minutes1 and ,i was on my way to the hospital1 some three miles out of ,seattle and an awful wooden shanty4 ,it was ,christmas time and my ,christmas dinner consisted of a glass of milk4 ,i was put to bed and the first thing the doctor said to me was1 8,i must cut your hair40 ,well1 he started on the job1 lost his nerve1 didn't cut it1 but pulled it out4 ,i said1 8,that will do10 and ,i wouldn't let him do any more4 ,the next step was to tar my face and put wool on it4 ,i guess ,i looked an awful sight4 ,i stopped in the hospital for about a week and when the doctor came in from ,seattle ,i told him that if ,i remained another day ,i should die4 ,perhaps he saw that1 for the ambulance was brought and ,i was taken to the city hospital in ,seattle1 and ,i was there for nearly three months4 ,they absolutely starved me1 a new and unpleasant experience for an old hard-up ,english actor used to good living4 ,the upshot of the business was that my manager said the best thing ,i could do was to get home4 ,so ,i went on to ,san ,francisco1 from there to ,santiago1 and thence to ,salt ,lake ,city1 one of the prettiest and cleanest cities in ,america1 the streets built so that the water flows all day and night down the gutters4 ,from there to ,new ,york1 caught the ,oceanic1 arrived safe and sound at ,liverpool1 and came on to ,london to my wife4 ,she was greatly surprised to see me as she had never heard from me for months2 they had never sent a word from the hospital6 ,she was beginning to think ,i was dead4 ,i don't know why my starting for ,america and my return to my native shore should so often be celebrated by larky rejoicings4 ,i can understand my friends being glad to see me safe and sound after my travels1 but ,i do not quite fathom their delight at my going away4 ,however1 there it is4 ,i was once coming from ,new ,york and arrived in ,liverpool the night before the ,grand ,national1 intending to put up at the 8,bee0 ,hotel1 the proprietor of which was a great friend of mine for many years--,tom ,bush4 ,we reached the hotel and the man at the door said1 8,very sorry1 sir1 we are full up40 ,mr4 ,bush was fetched and he was awfully pleased to see me1 but he could not put me up--in fact he had to go out of his own hotel to sleep1 the place was so full of bookmakers and jockeys4 ,but he saw that ,i was determined to stop1 so he placed a board on the top of the bath and with a mattress and a blanket ,i decided ,i should be all right4 ,after supper ,i was introduced to the racing fraternity4 ,i found ,i was a sort of god with them and ,i did my best to entertain them with funny tales4 ,about #d a4m4 ,i left them and reached my bath bedroom4 ,i woke up about #g o'clock dying for a soda and milk4 ,i saw something dangling and thinking it was the bell ,i pulled it1 but instead of the bell it was the shower4 ,the quickest thing ,i ever did in my life was to get out of that bed4 ,and everyone swore that ,i did it purposely6 ,in the ,march following ,i returned to ,america4 ,i went down to ,prince's ,pier and boarded the boat with everyone wishing me bon voyage4 ,it then occurred to me ,i'd do something funny to mark the occasion1 so ,i went down to my stateroom1 opened the porthole1 and squeezed my head through it1 making grimaces at my friends as the steamer was just going out of the ,mersey4 ,to my horror ,i could not get my head back6 ,i don't know exactly what ,i thought1 but among other things was that ,i might have to die with my head through the porthole6 ,perhaps the boat would have to be cut in half to get my head out4 ,i shouted1 the bedroom steward arrived1 and with a spoon he got my ears down1 and somehow ,i squeezed myself back to the world4 ,i had not been twenty-four hours in ,new ,york before my nerves were again shaken4 ,we opened at ,madison ,square ,gardens and ,i had brought over some beautiful clown's dresses made of satin1 for the three ring show4 ,it was just dusk and ,i was taking all my lovely dresses in a big white bundle across the first ring and decided that by climbing over the ring fence ,i should save something like a quarter of a mile4 ,i was just over the ring fence and had made about three strides when ,i heard something grunt at the back of me4 ,i turned round4 ,i could see a huge animal after me--it was the hippopotamus6 ,i took to my heels and ran as hard as ,i could1 thinking my next moment would be my last1 caught my foot against the other side of the ring fence and went sprawling with all my beautiful dresses scattered in every direction4 ,i shouted out and ,george ,hawkinstall1 the master of the animals1 came to my assistance1 screaming with laughter4 ,he told me that he had never seen anything so comical1 me sprawling on the ground and the huge beast with his cavern of a mouth wide open in wonderment4 8,he wouldn't hurt you10 was ,george's consoling remark4 8,he only thought that white bundle of yours was bread4 ,he's awfully fond of bread40 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker as 8,the ,single ,gentleman0 in ,hepworth's ,film1 8,the ,old ,curiosity ,shop0 ,,chapter ,,xiv ,my second visit to ,australia4 ,i train a performing horse on board4 ,am engaged by ,harry ,rickards for a twenty-seven weeks' tour4 ,i play for five nights only4 ,summoned to ,london by ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins owing to the death of ,herbert ,campbell4 ,mr4 ,rickards' luxurious home4 ,i bathe with sharks4 ,i escort two wallabies to ,england4 ,a strange meeting at ,colombo4 ,i arrive in ,london4 ,death of ,dan ,leno4 ,dan's merry pranks4 ,his unlucky garden party4 ,i have already alluded to my first visit to ,australia4 ,this was in the early 'eighties4 ,some twenty years had passed when ,i went for the second time to the ,antipodes4 ,i was engaged by the late ,harry ,rickards1 proprietor of several theatres and music-halls in ,australia1 to undertake a tour which was to last twenty-seven weeks4 ,i looked forward to seeing once more the towns with which ,i had already become acquainted1 and ,i set out from ,tilbury ,docks in one of the steamers of the ,blue ,anchor ,line called ,wilcania4 ,the voyage was somewhat tedious4 ,the boat could hardly get up speed enough to race a tug1 and on reaching ,sydney she came to an untimely end running ashore on the rocks in the harbour4 ,at least that was the last ,i saw of her4 ,i am glad to say that before this happened ,i was safely landed4 ,slow as the travelling was1 ,i found something to employ my time and that something was fortunately quite in my line4 ,on board was a beautiful horse called 8,pistol40 ,he was being sent to ,adelaide for stud purposes1 his ultimate destination being ,perth4 ,a more symmetrical and intelligent animal ,i have never set eyes on4 ,we were immense friends at once and ,i set to work to train him to perform a number of tricks4 ,as the weather was fairly fine and the passage tolerably smooth1 ,i was able to give him two or three lessons every day4 ,under my tuition he soon became proficient and his performances gave great delight to the passengers4 ,among other things ,i taught him to take my hat from my head1 to say 8yes0 and 8no0--in signs of course--etc4 ,by the time we reached ,cape ,town1 8,pistol0 was able to ring a bell for his breakfast1 to laugh by showing his teeth1 and to lie down and sit up at the word of command4 ,we gradually became much attached to each other1 and when we arrived at ,adelaide and we had to part company1 ,i believe he was as sorry as ,i was4 ,i went with him to the stables on shore1 where we bade each other farewell1 and he looked quite sorrowfully at me4 ,the steamer had two other horses on board--big clumsily-built ,clydesdales4 ,i did not attempt to do anything with them4 ,they were not of the kind of which trick horses are made and they were very vicious into the bargain4 ,they were kept in separate boxes and did not1 ,i fancy1 take very kindly to sea life4 ,i returned to the ship and went on to ,melbourne4 ,we stopped there one day and ,i took the opportunity of going to the post office to see if any letters had arrived for me overland via ,marseilles4 ,to my great surprise ,i found a cablegram awaiting me from ,drury ,lane ,theatre4 8,return4 ,arthur ,collins10 it said4 ,it took me quite aback and ,i did not know in the least what to think of it4 ,here was ,i in ,australia1 thousands of miles from home1 bound by a contract to stay a certain time and make a little money1 and ,arthur ,collins' message fairly bewildered me4 ,all the same it had to be replied to in some shape or form4 ,i returned to the ship and went on to ,sydney1 but ,i could get no sleep as ,i was worrying about the cablegram4 ,nightmares pursued me that perhaps ,i had committed some awful crime--or the police were after me6 ,i reached ,sydney one evening in ,september and the lovely panorama of the harbour and its surroundings presented a sight ,i haven't forgotten to this day4 ,the ship anchored a mile and a half from the city and when ,i landed who should be waiting for me but ,harry ,rickards with a brougham and a pair of beautiful horses4 ,he drove me to my hotel and as ,i went along ,i saw poster after poster with 8,whimsical ,walker0 in the biggest type procurable4 ,my word1 he had advertised me6 ,in fact too much1 ,i began to think1 with the cablegram from ,drury ,lane at the back of my mind4 ,i must say ,harry treated me like a prince4 ,at night he took me to the ,national ,sporting ,club to a ,press supper1 which ,i should have enjoyed more if that confounded cablegram had not been worrying me all the time4 ,just before we left the club ,i plucked up courage and showed ,mr4 ,rickards the message4 ,he read it and said1 8,well1 what are you going to do80 ,i told him that to cable to me from ,england meant something very important and that ,i couldn't afford to neglect it1 and that ,i had made up my mind to sail away with the next boat4 ,of course he was very much annoyed and he threatened to bring an action against me if ,i did so4 ,i said1 8,bring the action against the ,drury ,lane ,company40 8,i haven't engaged the ,drury ,lane ,company1 ,i've engaged you10 he retorted4 ,he was1 of course1 perfectly right1 and after we'd finished up at the club he said1 8,come to my office in the morning at eleven o'clock and we'll talk it over40 ,next morning ,i kept the appointment4 ,mr4 ,rickards was smiling1 and said he3 8,well1 ,whimmy1 have you made up your mind80 8,yes10 said ,i1 8,i'm returning home on ,saturday week40 ,his reply was that it was very unbusinesslike and meant a loss1 seeing what it had cost him to advertise me4 ,presently he went on to say3 8,anyway you're here1 and you don't sail till ,saturday week1 will you show to my patrons for five nights and two matinees8 ,if you'll do that you can catch the boat on the ,saturday week40 ,i thought it very good of him1 so ,i consented1 and we shook hands on the bargain and walked back to the ,national ,sporting ,club4 ,there a newspaper was put into my hand and ,i saw in it to my great sorrow of the death of poor ,herbert ,campbell1 my associate in many a ,drury ,lane pantomime4 ,then ,i knew the meaning of ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins' cablegram4 ,well1 ,i had a jolly time of it--,mr4 ,rickards would have me stay at his beautifully fitted house as long as ,i was in ,melbourne4 ,among other luxuries he had a bathroom built inside the harbour with sea water flowing through the bath all the time4 ,in front of this bath was a steel lattice and occasionally one could enjoy the spectacle of hungry sharks watching and waiting for the meal they were destined never to enjoy4 ,the sight gave me an uncommon zest for my swim1 knowing they could not get at me4 ,for five nights and two matinees ,i played1 together with ,louise ,carbasse1 a talented child actress1 in a comedy sketch1 8,captain ,hamilton1 ,v4,c410 written by ,charles ,baldwin4 ,the sketch had a touch of pathos in it and went down well with my ,melbourne audience4 ,i wound up with 8,the ,mad ,fisherman10 a pantomime absurdity in which ,i appeared alone4 ,spending only five days in ,melbourne ,i hadn't much time to notice what changes had taken place since ,i had first visited the city4 ,of more importance to me was to ascertain if my 8turn0 had gone well with the audience and what the ,press had to say about it4 ,so far as the ,melbourne public are concerned ,i had made a hit and ,i enquired of ,mr4 ,rickards if the papers had commented at all4 ,we were at the ,national ,sporting ,club at the time and ,mr4 ,rickards1 taking up a periodical called ,truth and pointing out a certain passage said3 8,have you seen that80 ,this was what ,i read3 8,we hear that ,whimsical ,walker is sailing for ,england on ,saturday4 ,it is a good job4 ,if he had stopped in this country we'd have shot him60 ,i put down the paper somewhat staggered4 8,what on earth for8 ,what have ,i done80 ,i asked4 8,don't be alarmed1 my dear chap10 said ,rickards4 8,that's nothing to what the fellow says about me40 ,then he pointed to the lady at the buffet1 remarking3 8,she horsewhipped him for his scurrilous writings about her4 ,she's ,english and ever since his castigation he never loses a chance of saying something nasty about ,england and the ,english4 ,no one takes any notice of him40 ,that being the case ,i didn't think it worth while to take any notice either4 ,rickards was one of the best of fellows4 ,he had been a comic vocalist in ,england in the 'seventies4 ,many old music-hall patrons of those days may perhaps remember the song which made him popular4 ,it ran1 8,his lordship winked at the counsel and the counsel winked at the judge40 ,he made more money out of his singing than he did by a music-hall venture at ,plymouth4 ,this broke him2 he became bankrupt and he left for ,australia heavily in debt4 ,however1 after he had made a fortune in ,melbourne and ,sydney he paid every one in full4 ,like many in the theatrical profession he was a bit superstitious4 ,his theatre in ,sydney was burnt down and it so happened that on that particular night one of the musical selections given was ,tosti's song 8,good-bye40 ,after that he forbade this song being given at any of his theatres4 ,he need not have been so weak-minded4 ,such a thing wasn't likely to occur again4 ,just before ,i started1 ,mr4 ,bland ,holt1 proprietor of the ,theatre ,royal1 ,sydney1 and a great friend of ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins1 hearing ,i was going to ,drury ,lane1 came to me and asked if ,i would do him a favour by taking a present to ,mr4 ,collins in the shape of two little rock wallabies--a small species of kangaroo4 ,i agreed and he brought them on board in a cage4 ,they were amiable1 playful little creatures and became the pets of all the passengers4 ,i was very fortunate in eventually handing them over in good condition to ,mr4 ,collins1 as they are very delicate animals and rarely survive the voyage4 ,mr4 ,collins was delighted with them and ,i believe they were ultimately presented to the ,zoo4 ,i took passage in the ,r4,m4,s4 ,orior and we left ,sydney harbour on the #aath ,october1 after quite a new experience1 namely1 travelling #h1jjj miles or so to play for five nights only6 ,on the journey ,i had one or two experiences4 ,coming through the bight off ,fremantle1 where on my previous visit to ,australia1 we had1 owing to the rough sea1 to throw some of the animals overboard to save the ship1 we found no improvement in the behaviour of the waves and as a consequence the steamer had to go direct to ,colombo instead of putting in at ,fremantle4 ,at ,colombo--a lovely place--beautiful atmosphere and such pretty dear little children--a funny thing occurred4 ,i was walking along the jetty saying to myself1 8,thank goodness1 no one will recognise me here0--at ,melbourne ,i was stopped every few yards wherever ,i went--when1 as ,i was passing the ,bristol ,hotel1 ,i heard someone shout1 8,hello1 ,whimmy1 what the deuce are you doing here80 ,then came another personal enquiry as to whether ,i'd brought my red-hot poker with me1 and a third warned me that there were no pantomimes in ,colombo4 ,i had run across some members of ,bannerman's ,opera ,company4 ,they had been playing for three nights in ,colombo and were going on to ,india4 ,such surprise meetings are of course common enough in ,england at railway junctions--,derby especially--on ,sundays1 the travelling day for touring companies1 and very pleasant they are4 ,friends in the profession who've not met for years come across each other1 renew their friendships over the cheerful glass--if the restrictions permit--and part not to meet again for years more--perhaps never4 ,i was used to this sort of thing in the old country1 but to have such a meeting in ,colombo nearly took away my breath4 ,all ,i can say is that we had a high old time4 ,passing through the ,suez canal it was the turn of the sailors4 ,jack ashore is always out for a lark4 ,our men started with the donkeys1 which they rode in their own style and ended by having a row with some ,arabs4 ,the result of the shindy was the pitching of several of the natives into the water4 ,after that leave was stopped and they had to console themselves with concerts on board1 games1 boxing matches1 etc4 ,it was all great fun4 ,at last ,i arrived in ,london and the first news ,i heard was that my dear old pal ,dan ,leno was dead4 ,he not long survived his close comrade ,herbert ,campbell4 ,it was a sad blow to think that these two splendid humorists1 who had played into each other's hands at old ,drury to the delight of thousands1 would never be seen again4 ,to me the loss could not be made good4 ,i had acted with them in the ,drury ,lane pantomimes for so long that when ,i appeared on the boards ,i felt a blank which ,i can hardly describe4 ,apart from stage associations ,i had many a merry moment with ,dan4 ,he was always bubbling over with humour4 ,once ,i remember1 coming with him from rehearsal1 strolling down the ,strand to the 8,marble ,halls0--the favourite name of the restaurant adjoining the ,adelphi ,theatre4 ,the ,hotel ,cecil was then being built and as we passed it ,dan suggested we should stand treat to the bricklayers4 ,away we went across the road1 and when ,dan asked the fellows if they would like a drink their smiles reached from ear to ear4 8,all right1 boys10 said he1 8come along10 and followed by a little crowd in their plaster and mud1 he took them to the 8,marble ,halls40 ,the porter in his gorgeous livery looked horrified4 ,dan protested4 ,people stopped to see what was the matter4 8,they won't allow the hard-working ,british man to have a drink10 he exclaimed indignantly4 ,a policeman interfered--and we all had to 8pass along40 ,i suspected ,dan had some little game in his head1 but did not know what it was4 ,however1 we went on to the 8,queen's ,head10 the landlord of which was a friend of us both4 ,this hostelry was provided with numerous partitions1 all of which were soon crowded4 8,give all these dear good hard-working men two pennyworth of port wine each10 called out ,dan4 ,the men looked down their noses and growled out that they wanted beer4 ,dan pretended to show great surprise1 but in the end paid for as much as they could drink4 ,he had had his joke and was satisfied4 ,there never was a man fonder of children than ,dan was4 ,it is on record that the day before he took to his bed in his last illness he visited the ,belgravia ,hospital for ,children at ,kennington1 went over the institution and left a liberal donation4 ,one beautiful day in ,august ,i chanced to meet him4 8,you're just the boy ,i want1 ,whimmy4 ,i'm giving a children's party to-morrow--about #cjj--;and their fathers and mothers are coming to tea4 ,be at my place in the morning40 ,dan lived at ,clapham ,park and ,i went down and helped him to put up coloured lamps for the illumination at night4 ,there were also to be fireworks1 over which he had spent some #dj4 ,these were stored in a little outhouse4 ,but long before night came there was an impromptu display4 ,while we were hanging the lamps we heard an explosion and saw all the fireworks going up in the air4 ,one of his children had somehow managed to set fire to the lot4 ,but no one was hurt4 ,dan wasn't a bit upset4 ,this was not the end of ,dan's misfortunes4 ,the children poured in and so did the parents2 the band played on the lawn1 some played cricket1 danced and so on1 and then the time came to light the lamps4 ,alas6 ,the sun and the hot air--it was a blazing day--had melted the little candles inside4 ,no fireworks--no illumination4 ,there still remained the magic lantern show which had been prepared4 ,this surely should go without any mishap4 ,oh dear1 no4 ,a quarrel sprang up between some boys behind the screen as to who should manage the show4 ,a fight followed and down came the sheet4 ,there was no exhibition and it was difficult to say who was the more disappointed--,dan or the children4 ,this ought to have been sufficient for the day1 but it wasn't4 ,a final disaster affecting me personally was yet to come4 ,it was #e a4m4 when ,i left1 and as no conveyance was possible ,i started to walk to town1 ,dan going with me4 ,it so happened that ,i was wearing a new pair of patent leather boots1 and these having been in the sun all day soon became intolerable1 so ,i took them off and we both sat down on a road-side seat4 ,presently a milk cart came along and this we stopped and arranged with the driver to give us a lift4 ,i put the boots near the cans and was fairly comfortable4 ,we reached ,brixton police station and ,i looked for my boots4 ,they had vanished--jogged off the cart without my seeing them go4 ,i waited at a coffee stall until the trams began to run and finished the rest of the journey in my stockinged feet4 ,and this was the end of ,dan ,leno's garden party6 ,like the rest of us1 ,dan could never resist a chance of a practical joke4 ,i had been promised an ,irish terrier puppy by a breeder at ,levenshulme1 near ,manchester4 ,i had been out all day and when ,i reached home ,i found ,dan there and that the dog had arrived in a box4 ,dan was frightfully indignant and put the blame on me of treating it cruelly--not having even given it a drop of water4 ,it was in vain for me to protest2 he told me the ,r4,s4,p4,c4,a4 ought to be informed4 ,i was surprised he had not let the dog out1 so ,i drew the nails from the box and put my hand inside to take out the puppy4 ,to my consternation it was stone cold4 8,i'm afraid it's dead1 ,dan10 ,i whispered4 ,then ,i pulled out the dead animal and found it was a pantomime dog which he had got from the theatre property room6 ,my own dog he had dispatched to his own house4 ,poor ,dan was full of pranks4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker and the ,drury ,lane ,harlequinade entertaining the ,lord and ,lady ,mayoress and children at the ,mansion ,house1 ,london1 in aid of the ,blind ,children of ,london ,,chapter ,,xv ,managers and actors ,i have known4 ,p4 ,t4 ,barnum4 ,a wonderful organiser4 ,how a big circus travels4 ,barnum's consideration for his company4 ,his little speeches4 ,general ,tom ,thumb4 ,signor ,foli and ,frank ,celli4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris a born showman4 ,the elder ,harris and his glossy hat4 ,the value of an advertisement4 ,my 8benefit0 at ,drury ,lane and why it was a frost4 ,i miss my chance in the ,drury ,lane ,pantomime1 #ahij-ia1 8,beauty and the ,beast40 ,an unrehearsed incident4 ,i play 8,mercury0 in 8,venus40 ,i am 8,hamlet0 at ,richardson's show in the ,olympic ,carnival4 ,a ,scottish 8,ghost40 ,a new view of 8,hamlet40 ,looking back and reviving old memories is to most of us a task of mingled pleasure and pain4 ,it is especially so to me1 when ,i think of the many bright souls1 now passed away1 who in their career as 8servants of the public0 did so much to gladden the hearts of others4 ,i have in other chapters1 as opportunity served1 alluded to members of the theatrical and circus profession more or less notable with whom ,i have been associated2 and ,i now propose to add a few more personal recollections of some of these1 together with what ,i recall of episodes connected with others4 ,unfortunately1 ,i am compelled to rely solely upon my memory1 as valuable material committed to paper was together with my dresses and other property burnt in the fire at ,drury ,lane some few years ago4 ,as a good deal of my life was passed in the circus and among showmen1 the name of ,p4 ,t4 ,barnum comes naturally into my mind4 ,he was certainly the prince of showmen--shrewd and businesslike in everything he touched1 prompt to act1 amazingly ingenious in devising novelties to attract the public1 and a wonderful organiser4 ,before he died he had brought the working of his show1 the biggest in the world in its variety of exploits1 to a methodical perfection1 and rarely did anything go wrong4 ,it can easily be imagined that when dates had been fixed for months ahead and contracts entered into as to the hiring of halls and grounds1 strict punctuality had to be observed if money wasn't to be lost4 ,the removal of such a gigantic show as ,barnum's from place to place1 often many miles distant from each other1 was no easy matter4 ,it meant much thought1 the drilling of many men in their particular duties1 and the working of everything smoothly and almost mechanically4 ,how admirably all this was done never failed to surprise me1 accustomed though ,i was to the process4 ,when the animals had finished their turn and while the rest of the performance was going on1 they would be quietly removed in their cages to the train that was awaiting them4 ,scarcely was the show over when the tent master's whistle was heard and down fell the canvas walls of the big enclosure1 gathered up1 and before the people were out of the place1 the ring1 seats and so on were removed4 ,it was a big job1 for the horses alone numbered #cjj1 but the whole thing was done in about an hour1 and hardly a word spoken by any one4 ,all knew their work thoroughly4 ,the show filled three trains4 ,the first contained the sleeping cars and the last the menagerie4 ,some little excitement was often provided by the stowaways1 who1 to get a free ride1 would hang on to various parts of the trains1 hoping to escape notice1 but they never did4 ,a party always went round just before the signal was given to start1 and routed the loafers with sticks1 which were not taken for no purpose6 ,barnum was of course an old man when ,i was engaged by him--he died1 ,i think1 in #ahia--;but age hadn't lessened his care over every detail and his personal watchfulness4 ,one of my performances consisted of antics on the high stilts1 and the impersonation of a tipsy man while in that elevated position was always a great success4 ,my swaying about1 pretending ,i was about to fall1 and recovering myself1 made the audience laugh1 and at the same time gave them a thrill4 ,on one occasion ,i saw ,barnum sitting in a front row watching me intently4 ,after my turn he sent for me1 and complimented me on the performance1 8but10 said he1 8don't do it again4 ,it's too dangerous40 ,undoubtedly it was very risky1 though ,i never had a tumble1 and the consideration of ,barnum for the safety of his company struck me as a good trait in his character4 ,most managers think only of the laugh and the applause of the audience1 and the performer has to take a back seat so far as his bodily safety is concerned4 ,barnum was a showman to the last4 ,he never forgot that success in his line was a good deal dependent upon personal popularity1 so he always kept in the limelight4 ,one important item in his personal programme was the little speeches he was fond of making4 ,i daresay in his best days they were effective enough1 but in his declining years his voice became so weak that it was little better than a wheeze1 and his words could not reach beyond a couple of rows or so of the stalls4 ,this drawback made no difference to ,barnum4 ,it didn't matter much what he said1 the great point was his appearance on the stage--he was as much a part of the show as any of the performers4 ,he knew as well as1 or better than anybody1 that effect was all-important4 ,the audience had to be impressed1 no matter how it was done2 so to bring this about1 he always had a score or so of the miscellaneous helpers1 tent men and so on1 stationed among the audience1 who punctuated his little speeches with stentorian shouts of 8,bravo1 ,barnum60 and the like1 and naturally the audience followed suit without knowing why or wherefore4 ,while with ,barnum's show ,i made the acquaintance of ,general ,tom ,thumb4 ,the little general had most charming manners1 and was in every respect a perfect gentleman4 ,i used to play billiards with him often2 he had a fair amount of skill1 notwithstanding his physical drawbacks4 ,to get to the proper height for the board he had to stand upon a stool4 ,as a contrast to this diminutive player1 ,i remember watching a game between ,signor ,foli and ,frank ,celli1 a member of the clever ,standing family4 ,foli was born 8,foley40 ,he came from the sister isle and he ,italianised his name1 in deference ,i suppose to the feelings of the native operatic ,italian artistes4 ,he was quite six feet three 7perhaps a little more7 and ,celli topped six feet4 ,to see these two huge men sprawling half over the billiard table and bringing off long shots1 disdainful of the 8rest10 had something of the grotesque about it4 ,perhaps they felt it was so themselves1 for throughout the game they never ceased chaffing each other4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris had a personality not easily forgotten4 ,his mental activity was ceaseless4 ,he knew what he wanted and he saw that he got it4 ,he1 too1 was a born showman1 inheriting the instinct no doubt from his father1 who for many years was stage manager at the ,italian opera1 and whose artistic presentations of many famous operas would even in these days be regarded as scenic triumphs4 ,the elder ,harris had a genius for 8effect10 whether on or off the stage4 ,he was noted for wearing the silkiest and glossiest hats1 and probably set the fashion which so many theatrical managers have followed down to the present time4 ,harris regarded his glossy hat as a kind of fetish1 and it was whispered that secretly he worshipped it4 ,on one occasion at a rehearsal of the ballet everything went wrong4 ,the girls were perverse1 or frivolous1 or in tantrums of some kind4 ,harris alternately coaxed and swore1 but to no purpose4 ,at last in despair he cast his cherished hat on the floor and stamped on it1 exclaiming 8,there60 ,the effect was appalling2 it was equivalent to a sounding of the last trump1 and some of the girls fainted4 ,nothing more could be done that day1 but on the morrow all went like clockwork4 ,i've no doubt that ,sir ,augustus was quite capable of creating a characteristic situation like this1 if circumstances demanded it4 ,at any rate it is certain that wherever he was he had to be in the centre of the picture4 ,i recollect the artist of a coloured poster to advertise the nautical melodramas once very popular at ,drury ,lane1 submitting the design to ,sir ,augustus1 then ,mr4 ,harris4 ,the licensee and manager was at that time playing in the pieces he produced1 not that he was in any way a brilliant actor--,i don't think he was under any illusions as to that--but in order to qualify himself in a claim for the ,drury ,lane ,fund4 ,the artist had produced a well-balanced picture and to carry out his design had found it advisable to put the hero in a somewhat subordinate position4 ,now ,harris was the hero and he looked very doubtfully at the counterfeit representation of himself4 ,then he pointed to the foreground1 remarking3 8,h'm1 very good--but ,i must be there60 ,the poor artist was greatly distressed4 ,the alteration would entirely upset the harmony of his design4 ,but this was of no importance1 the advertisement was the only thing that mattered1 and from his point of view ,sir ,augustus was right4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris no doubt had his weaknesses1 but want of generosity was not one of them4 ,i was first engaged by him when he was running ,covent ,garden ,theatre4 ,i had as clown become a great favourite with the children1 so much so that it seemed to me that ,i ought to have a benefit1 and ,i suggested as much to ,mr4 ,harris4 8,certainly1 my boy10 said he1 in his genial manner1 and he at once told ,mr4 ,latham to draw out a contract4 ,the terms of the contract were that ,i was to have half of the takings after #ejj1 but that ,i was to spend #ajj on posters1 etc41 and ,i was to be given a month for advertising my benefit4 ,we shook hands on the bargain1 and with a twinkle in his eye which ,i could not make out at the time1 but understood afterwards1 he said ,i ought to make #aj1jjj on the night4 ,the benefit arrived in due course4 ,it was to include an afternoon and evening performance4 ,the show in the afternoon was very bad1 and ,i was rather cast down4 ,everybody was1 however1 very encouraging and prophesied that at night the house wouldn't hold the crowds4 ,the night came along and was worse than the afternoon4 ,i was never so disheartened4 ,on the following day ,augustus ,harris came to the theatre to settle up with me4 ,the first words he said were1 8,how did you get on last night80 8,rotten10 ,i told him4 ,he began to laugh4 ,said he1 8,i'll tell you a secret4 ,you're all right in the arena or on the stage1 but you're no good as a manager4 ,did you really think that with my eyes open ,i should let you have this theatre half to half after #ejj with matinee and night show and give you a month to advertise it8 ,i did it because ,i knew very well that all your friends--that is1 the children--would have all gone back to school1 but you wanted a benefit1 so ,i humoured you4 ,but you shall have a benefit1 and there it is10 and he put into my hands a contract for three years right off at a very big salary2 so that was what the twinkle in the eye meant4 ,on another occasion ,augustus ,harris put a good thing in my way1 of which ,i did not take advantage1 and ,i much regretted my refusal afterwards4 ,from ,covent ,garden ,i went to ,drury ,lane1 where the pantomime that year was to be 8,beauty and the ,beast40 ,lady ,dunlo was to play 8,beauty10 and no one was better fitted1 thanks to ,nature's gifts1 but the part of the 8,beast0 had not been settled4 ,mr4 ,harris sadly wanted me to take it1 but at that time ,i was bent upon clowning1 and so ,john ,d',auban was engaged4 ,but ,i had my chance afterwards when ,harris opened at the ,prince of ,wales ,theatre1 ,liverpool1 with 8,venus40 ,the cast included ,lady ,dunlo 7she played under the name she was best known by1 ,belle ,bilton71 ,harry ,nicholls and myself4 ,in some respects this was a great advance1 as henceforth my business was not entirely confined to clowning4 ,a comical incident happened during one of the rehearsals at ,drury ,lane for 8,venus40 ,i was cast for 8,mercury10 and it occurred to me that it would be an effective bit of fooling if ,i made my entry standing on a globe1 and trundling it with my feet4 ,i came in in this fashion1 but ,i hadn't bargained for a chunk of wood a carpenter had left on the stage4 ,i had just commenced to say3 8,i am #8,mercury1' newsman of the gods10 when the globe and ,i parted company1 ,i came flop on the stage and rolled over the footlights into the orchestra1 and on to a fiddler4 ,sir ,augustus1 who was present1 laughed heartily--he always liked a joke--and enquired whether ,i was going to put the fall in at night8 ,for fear of accidents it was decided to cut out this particular bit of business1 and perhaps it was as well1 for on this occasion it cost me #gs4 #f;d4 to provide the fiddler with a new bow4 8,venus10 ,i might mention1 was an extravaganza4 ,it was in three acts and had three authors--,william ,yardley1 ,edward ,rose and ,augustus ,harris4 ,the music was by ,john ,crook4 ,the revels at ,olympia which ,sir ,augustus organized ,i shall never forget4 ,for real rollicking fun they have never had their equal4 ,my connection with them came about in this way4 ,i had finished a most successful pantomime season at the ,court ,theatre1 ,liverpool1 and when the run was over ,sir ,augustus invited me to dinner at the ,adelphi ,hotel1 where he was staying4 ,after dinner he told me to report myself at his house1 8,the ,elms10 ,st4 ,john's ,wood1 on the following ,tuesday morning at #aa o'clock4 ,i obeyed his instructions2 we had lunch and he went to the 'phone and 'phoned to ,arthur ,sturgess1 telling him ,i had arrived and that he was to bring the manuscript4 ,sturgess turned up in the afternoon with the script1 which ,sir ,augustus handed to me1 saying1 8,here you are1 my boy2 go home and study it and come here a week to-day40 8,what is it80 ,i asked4 8,hamlet in a ,hurry10 was his reply4 8,i want you to study it carefully4 ,none of your red-nosed comedian about it2 you must play it straight40 ,i started aghast4 ,i was getting fat and scant of breath4 ,i could not imagine myself playing 8,hamlet10 the ,prince of ,denmark4 ,i really thought he was going mad4 ,however1 ,i took the script home and studied it4 ,i soon saw that ,harris had been pulling my leg4 ,the play was to be 8,hamlet0 sure enough1 but the version of it to be performed at ,richardson's show at ,olympia--for this was the notion--would have turned what little hair the ,bard possessed as white as snow4 ,i saw ,sir ,augustus the next morning at ,drury ,lane4 8,whimmy10 said he1 8,i want you to get some of the oldest actors and actresses you can find for the cast40 ,i hunted ,london and pitched upon ,joe ,cave1 ,marie ,st4 ,gerard1 ,ainsley ,burton1 ,gertie ,st4 ,clair1 and one or two more4 ,the whole business was a jolly farce4 ,we had rehearsals in ,harris's bathroom--a very spacious affair--at 8,the ,elms10 and things promised to go splendidly4 ,meanwhile a ,richardson's show was being built at ,olympia4 ,the interior was painted to represent a barn4 ,the act drop was ornamented with ,shakespeare's head on a pedestal and purposely drawn very groggy and lop-sided1 and looking as if it were about to fall off4 ,there were mock boxes supposed to be full of the notabilities of the day4 ,gladstone and his family were smiling at ,lord ,beaconsfield and his friends1 who were smiling in return4 ,the outside of the show was quite the real thing with its big pictures of fat women1 living skeletons and the like4 ,this makeshift look was only confined to the show itself4 ,the dresses of the players were magnificent1 both in material and colour4 ,it was a characteristic of ,sir ,augustus that he would always have the best of everything4 ,the black feather in my cap cost two or three pounds and the 8,ghost0 was resplendent in silver-plated armour4 ,as for the robes of the ,king and ,queen1 they were simply dazzling4 ,outside1 our band consisted of a cornet1 trombone1 flute and a big drum4 ,a fine orchestral band was stationed opposite our show and did its best to play us down4 ,but we contrived to score with our big drum4 ,sometimes 8,hamlet0 banged it and occasionally the 8,ghost0 would take a turn4 ,now and again the rival orchestra pelted us with oranges and ,i rather fancy that ,sir ,augustus1 who had a number of friends with him and who was in the highest spirits1 had a hand in this4 ,we used to give eight or nine performances a day1 each one lasting half an hour or so1 and the money rolled in without ceasing and the lowest price was sixpence4 ,fred ,storey painted the scenery1 opening with a representation of the battlements very much out of the perpendicular4 ,as for the dialogue1 it was after this style3 ,the sentry was ordered to 8form squares0 which he did by squaring his feet4 ,enter 8,hamlet10 upon which the sentry remarked1 8,here comes the ,prince40 8,how goes the night80 8,hamlet0 enquired4 8,very well1 thank you10 was the reply4 8,how are you80 ,this may not seem particular brilliant1 but ,i suppose we made it sound funny1 for the audience laughed uproariously4 ,the 8,ghost0 was a screaming success4 ,the man who took this part was about #ge years of age and a raw-boned ,scotchman1 and when he opened his mouth and said1 8,ye ken1 ,i am yer father's ghost10 in broad ,scotch1 the people yelled6 ,we did three acts2 we cut out all the long speeches1 and when any of the players started upon one ,i would bring out my watch with3 8,there's no time for that speech10 to the player's intense disgust4 ,the ,scotchman insisted upon having a pint of beer at every performance or he wouldn't play1 so ,i gave him threepence per performance4 ,unfortunately the staff bar was a long way from the show1 but he didn't care--he walked to it and got his beer all the same4 ,it so happened that with all his armour on he had to pass a lot of shrubbery and small trees1 and by the time of the fourth show of the day he would come back minus some of his armour4 ,finding it rather inconvenient1 he had taken it off and laid it against the trees1 and what with the beer going to his head he forgot where he put his corslet and helmet1 or whatever it might be4 ,after that ,i had to get a boy to watch him and bring back his armour4 ,once he came back very inebriated1 but he got through his performance till the last speech1 when he overbalanced himself1 fell through the small stage door on to the gravel outside the show1 and shouted to the amusement of the audience1 8,there's something rotten in the steps of this damned show40 ,joe ,cave1 owing to his infirmity of temper1 was a continual source of trouble4 ,he was one of the most cantankerous men ,i ever came across and it is not too much to say he was very unpopular4 ,in this travesty of 8,hamlet0 he was the grave-digger1 and he was perpetually having rows with the 8,ghost0 and the manager4 ,why there should have been so many squabbles ,i can't understand1 unless it was owing to the beer at the staff bar1 which was certainly cheap and might have been the other thing as well4 ,more than once ,i've seen 8,ophelia0 with a black eye4 ,on one occasion ,joe ,cave reached the limit of fury4 ,he and ,i were dining together and a mutual friend came behind ,cave unseen by him and slapped him on the back--a habit particularly stupid and most annoying4 ,it sent ,joe into a paroxysm of rage1 for he had false teeth1 and the concussion shot the entire set into his soup6 ,the language that followed was sultry of the sultriest4 ,cave had been in the profession nearly all his life and no doubt he had the mysteries of management at his fingers' end1 but owing to his abominable temper he was not a success4 ,it may have been due to this cause that the transformed 8,old ,vic10 which was rebuilt some five and thirty years ago1 and of which he was the first manager1 was a failure4 ,certainly it would be hard to match the fiasco on ,christmas ,eve of the dress rehearsal of the pantomime to which the public was admitted4 ,mishaps followed one after the other4 ,the transformation scene haltingly commenced a little before midnight and the curtain descended amid the shrieking of ballet girls4 ,something had gone wrong4 ,joe ,cave rushed on to apologise4 ,all that could be heard was his explanation that the building of the theatre and the pantomime had cost thousands and thousands of pounds4 ,the sight of the excited little man1 grey trousers below and some kind of pantomime costume above1 was the funniest thing the audience had seen that night1 and they roared4 ,joe's claim to celebrity--and it is a claim unknown to most people--is that he made the popularity of the song1 8,i'm ninety-five--,i'm ninety-five40 ,the melody was taken from one of ,bishop's operas1 but who wrote the words ,i'm unable to say4 ,the tune afterwards became the regimental marching air of the old ,city of ,london ,volunteer ,rifle ,brigade4 ,cave ended his days in the ,charterhouse1 where he kept up his reputation of 8old ,grumpy10 so much so that the brethren petitioned that he might have his dinner served in his own room1 and the request was granted4 ,cave's cantankerousness and the grumbles notwithstanding1 ,richardson's show was a tremendous hit1 and ,sir ,henry ,irving1 ,john ,l4 ,toole1 ,phil ,may and others were constant visitors in front4 ,without a doubt ,sir ,augustus ,harris was right when he forbade any clowning4 ,if ,i had painted my nose ,i should have spoilt the effect4 ,it was the taking of the play seriously that made it so funny4 ,i must say that after playing the part over and over again ,i got 8,hamlet0 into my blood and began to believe that if ,i tried hard enough ,i should end by being a tragedian4 ,i couldn't help talking about him and ,i can't help airing my views now4 8,hamlet10 like the weather1 is a subject for eternal discussion4 ,i feel it is only right that ,i should chip in with a word or two4 8,hamlet's0 trouble was undoubtedly indigestion2 he took a bilious view of life4 ,he was worried about his increasing weight and his sorrows turned to fat very quickly4 ,i think we ought to pity rather than blame him for his unfortunate habit of talking to himself4 ,his partiality for ghosts and graveyards must have made him rather a dreary companion on an ,easter ,bank ,holiday1 but ,i could have put up with that4 ,what ,i cannot stand about 8,hamlet0 is his frightful rudeness to his mother6 ,jump on poor old dad if you must1 kick uncle ,george out of the window if you like1 but say one unkind word about mother1 and the ,british ,constitution totters on its base4 ,after all1 why shouldn't his mother marry again if she wanted to8 ,she was accustomed to the little ways of kings and it was only natural that she should select another for her second venture6 ,besides1 8,hamlet0 must have found his step-father come in very handy when funds2 were low and he hadn't got the wherewithal for a fresh bilious attack4 8,hamlet's0 view of life was the view of 8the morning after the night before40 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker as he appeared before ,h4,m4 ,gracious ,majesty ,queen ,victoria1 by command1 ,windsor ,castle1 #beth ,february1 #ahhf ,,chapter ,,xvi ,my first engagement at ,covent ,garden4 ,my performing pig4 ,its ultimate end4 ,some dog yarns4 ,animal trainers not cruel4 8,verdun10 the wonderful performing horse4 ,how ,e4 ,t4 ,smith swallowed a #a1jjj note4 ,a shadow in my life4 ,my first panto at ,drury ,lane ,theatre4 ,a 8great cab act40 ,comic film scenes indebted to the harlequinade4 ,the decline of the harlequinade4 ,the clown's difficulties with the orchestra4 ,royalty at the pantomime4 ,i present ,princess ,mary with a ,christmas cracker4 ,the cracker and the cats--a practical joke4 ,the relief of ,ladysmith--an excited audience4 ,arthur ,roberts1 the prince of 8spoofers40 ,escapades at a ,sheffield hotel4 ,pressmen 8spoofed0 by a water chute4 ,the 8spooferies40 ,my first engagement at ,covent ,garden ,theatre was as a circus clown4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris and ,mr4 ,freeman ,thomas1 afterwards identified with the promenade concerts1 subsequently given1 took the theatre for a season1 and ran it as a circus1 ,hengler's providing the entertainment4 ,i have always been very successful with performing animals1 and this time ,i was lucky in having a very clever pig4 ,i'm not prepared to say which is the more intelligent1 the pig or the donkey2 whether or not1 both are proof that four-footed animals have more brains that they know how to use than people suspect4 ,this particular pig became greatly attached to me2 it used to follow me about like a dog1 and it was immensely popular with the company4 ,its fate was somewhat singular and due to a peculiar accident4 ,there was1 of course1 in the theatre a refreshment bar1 which ,i imagine was the attraction which drew ,mr4 ,freeman ,thomas into the speculation1 he being in the wine and spirit trade1 and at the time was the proprietor of the 8,griffin0 in ,villiers ,street1 ,strand4 ,one day a friend of mine dropped in before the performance commenced and suggested a drink at the bar4 ,i accompanied him there1 and so did the pig4 ,my friend ordered a bottle of champagne and threw a sovereign on the counter4 ,it bounced in the air and rolled on the ground1 and 8,tommy0 the pig being always on the look out for unconsidered trifles1 found the coin and swallowed it4 ,i don't suppose the sovereign would have done him the least bit of harm1 but unfortunately the circus grooms saw the coin disappear into his mouth and laid their plans accordingly4 ,what their plan to get hold of the sovereign was ,i don't know1 but they gave him medicine of some sort4 ,i noticed him getting thinner and thinner every day1 but did not at once suspect what was the matter4 ,one morning poor 8,tommy0 was found lying in the cellar dead and it was pretty certain that poison was the cause4 ,no post-mortem followed1 which was a pity1 as there was a possibility that the miscreants had not been successful and the sovereign would have been found2 not that this would have been of the slightest importance1 as ,i would have given many sovereigns rather than be deprived of my faithful companion4 ,a reward was offered to find out the man who poisoned the pig1 but he was never discovered4 ,intelligent as donkeys and pigs may be1 they are distanced a long way by dogs4 ,i once had a poodle which was the cleverest animal ,i ever had to do with4 ,there was something almost uncanny in his imitative faculty4 ,i had but to do a trick once and he grasped it at once4 ,i may give an instance of this1 which had it not been witnessed by myself would be considered incredible4 ,i was breakfasting one morning when ,i saw the poodle gnawing my slippers1 and it made me so angry that ,i seized him1 knocked his head against the wall and threw him out of the window1 which chanced to be open4 ,he wasn't hurt1 as he had but a very little distance to fall4 ,the next morning he came in as usual1 saw the slippers1 and ,i imagine this reminded him of what had occurred the previous day1 for he rushed to the wall1 knocked his head against it1 and then leaped out of the window4 ,he thought he had learned a new trick4 ,among the dogs which ,i have at various times possessed1 was an ,airedale terrier4 ,it was not a performing animal1 its chief peculiarity being that it had an abnormally long tail4 ,and thereby hangs a tale4 ,i parted with the dog to an army officer1 who shortly afterwards went to ,india with his regiment4 ,some few years afterwards ,i met the officer on his return to the old country1 and he said3 8,walker1 that dog ,i got from you was a good investment2 it saved my life upon one occasion40 ,i said ,i was glad to hear this1 and asked for particulars4 8,well10 said the officer1 8one day in ,india1 accompanied by the dog1 ,i wandered quite a long distance from the cantonment and got lost in the jungle4 ,for seven or eight hours ,i searched in vain for an outlet2 ,i was not only dismayed1 but as ,i had had no food for some time previously ,i was also starving4 ,at length ,i came to a clearing where ,i gathered together some brushwood and lighted a fire4 ,famished as ,i was ,i was ravenous for food1 so ,i called the faithful dog to my knee1 cut off his tail1 and ate the tail for supper4 ,when ,i had finished ,i noticed the poor animal looking at me very piteously--it was also famished1 so ,i gave the dog the bone to pick60 ,i don't vouch for the truth of this4 ,it may be a ben trovato4 ,of late there has been considerable controversy as to the training of performing animals4 ,humanitarians have got it into their heads--not for the first time--that much cruelty is involved in teaching them their tricks4 ,while ,i was recently performing in the principal ,midland towns the representative of a leading ,lancashire paper put this question to me3 8,in your opinion is it possible to train animals to trick work by any method except kindness80 8,utterly impossible10 was my reply4 8,i have trained more performing animals than any other clown alive and ,i have found them ready to respond to kindness--always4 ,the person who attempts to train an animal by cruelty will never succeed1 and ,i say with knowledge ranging back over fifty years that there is not a single animal travelling to-day that could have been trained in any other way4 ,kindness first1 last and always is the foundation of success in training all animals4 ,come with me and ,i'll let you see for yourself the sort of animals we have in this show4 ,i'll introduce you to a man who brought a horse from the brink of the grave to be the best trained and best mannered animal of the kind in existence40 ,the journalist accompanied me to the stables and ,i presented him to the well-known owner of the pantomime horse 8,verdun40 ,the trainer and owner of this clever animal is ,mr4 ,agube ,gudzow1 whose deeds in the ring are world famous4 8,verdun0 was in his stall feeding and my friend was doubtful whether it was safe to disturb the horse while at his meal4 ,the trainer smiled and in a moment 8,verdun0 had turned towards the visitor and placed his nose in the journalist's hand4 ,this horse1 between which and ,mr4 ,gudzow exists a strong bond of affection1 has a very interesting history4 8,verdun0 is so named because he fought all through the later stages of the war that raged round the heroic ,french city4 ,gassed and suffering from shell shock1 three times wounded1 the noble animal was put up for auction in ,london4 ,a foreign horse dealer bid #a for the broken-down hero and it was going to feed the ,dutch when ,mr4 ,gudzow bid #e and the horse was knocked down to him4 ,to-day it is known all over the country1 and in ,hyde ,park1 when exercising in ,rotten ,row1 people bring it enough sugar to satisfy a schoolboy4 ,i then took my friend to ,mr4 ,fred ,astley1 the trainer of another celebrated performing horse1 8,black ,prince40 ,the idea of cruelty to this animal is out of the question1 for the young stallion is not the sort of chap to stand any nonsense4 ,yet his act brings storms of applause1 and when his performance is over master and horse lunch together6 ,mr4 ,carlos ,mier1 another trainer1 served this country throughout the war as a breaker-in of horses4 ,he is known far and wide as an expert at his business and smiles sarcastically at the suggestion that cruelty is ever practised towards the animals4 ,mr4 ,mier brought from the army training ground at ,market ,harborough a dog that had been the pet of the soldiers4 ,this clever animal is called 8,spot10 and the way he jumps to receive his master is evidence of his strong affection4 ,i could give many other instances of the love which animals have for their trainers and ,i wish the people who have a wrong idea of this animal training business could spend five minutes in my company and go with me over a well-ordered show4 ,i think after seeing for themselves the real state of things1 they would discover that trainers and showmen associated with animals are almost universally keen lovers of our dumb friends1 are the first to resent any ill-treatment1 and have taken instant action in cases of cruelty of any sort which have come under their notice4 ,my pet pig's inadvertent swallowing of money reminds me of a curious episode at the old 8,criterion0 in the days when the long buffet was a favourite resort of men about town1 and an equally favourite place for lunches and dinners4 ,mr4 ,e4 ,t4 ,smith and ,mr4 ,jonas ,levy1 who combined the deputy chairmanship of the ,london and ,brighton ,railway ,company with dramatic criticism--he wrote the theatrical notices in ,lloyds ,news for many years--were dining there with one or two friends when ,mr4 ,howard ,paul joined them4 ,howard ,paul had just returned from ,america and was unusually exuberant4 ,his visit to ,america had proved very profitable1 but the others did not know this4 ,as a rule his pocket was somewhat low1 and when he began to talk loudly about the money he'd made and flourished a #a1jjj bank note as evidence1 the party thought he was 8codding0 them4 ,howard ,paul to be in possession of a #a1jjj ,bank of ,england note was too absurd for anything4 8,let me look at it10 said ,e4 ,t4 ,smith1 and ,howard ,paul proudly handed it over to the lessee of ,drury ,lane ,theatre4 ,smith was having soup at the time1 and no sooner had he hold of the note than he crumpled it into a ball1 dropped it into the spoonful of soup he was raising to his mouth and swallowed it4 ,howard ,paul's face went green and his eyes were distended with horror4 ,e4 ,t4 ,smith thought the note was bogus1 whereas it was perfectly genuine4 ,what was to be done8 ,nothing4 ,bank note paper was quite easy of digestion4 ,the upshot was that everyone present had to make an affidavit to satisfy the bank that the note had really disappeared in the fashion described1 but even then it was some three months before ,howard ,paul was comforted by another note4 ,it is odd that the swallowed note should be a thousand pound one1 for thousand pound notes had a peculiar fascination for ,e4 ,t4 ,smith4 ,it is a fact that when any theatre or building that he favoured for show purposes was put up for sale by auction1 8,e4 ,t40 would bid for it1 and when it was knocked down to him would flash a #a1jjj note in the auctioneer's face as an earnest of his possession of means1 and trust to chance to being able to raise the purchase money4 ,if he failed1 then the #a1jjj note came in handy for a second attempt4 ,sorrow is closely allied to gaiety1 as ,i had too good reason to discover while ,hengler's had ,covent ,garden4 ,just before my engagement at the theatre my wife was taken seriously ill1 and ,i had her removed to ,hull1 my native place1 where she would be among friends4 ,i had reason to fear there were no hopes of her recovery1 and after the season began at ,covent ,garden ,i would two or three times a week take the night mail train to ,hull to see her and return to ,london the next morning in time for the morning performance4 ,this constant travelling and anxiety told upon me terribly1 and ,i arranged with the doctor to send a wire should she be taken worse4 ,a telegram came to me in due course1 but owing to its being addressed to ,hengler's headquarters in ,argyle ,street1 there was considerable delay before ,i got it4 ,the message was as ,i feared--my wife was much worse4 ,i set off for ,hull at once and at ,doncaster found a wire awaiting me1 telling me that my poor wife was dead4 ,she had1 it appeared1 died in her sleep4 ,i went on to ,hull and while ,i was standing at her bedside a telegram was brought me4 ,it was from ,covent ,garden and ran1 8,prince and ,princess of ,wales coming to-night4 ,return if possible40 ,i could do no good by staying at ,hull4 ,i rushed back to ,london and performed before their ,royal ,highnesses--how much my heart was aching1 though possibly my face did not show it1 ,i need not say--and hurried back for the funeral4 ,the reaction after this terrible strain was too much to sustain4 ,i had a nervous breakdown and was in bed for six weeks4 ,little did people think when ,i again was able to appear in the circus and was making them laugh how ,i felt inwardly1 but the matter was kept a secret and no one knew4 ,some time later1 while at ,drury ,lane1 ,i was going on to the stage in my clown's dress when a telegram was put into my hands1 and ,i read1 8,frank ,walker died this morning at ,carlisle of pneumonia40 ,frank ,walker was my son4 ,how ,i went through the pantomime of that night after the shock of this news ,i've no idea4 ,i may have been funny1 ,i can't say4 ,anyhow1 ,i had to go through my 8business0 and ,i did it4 ,the poor boy promised to do well in his profession1 which was mine2 he was a tremendous favourite with the ,carlisle people1 and some #e1jjj followed him to his grave4 ,so you see ,i had my ups and downs1 with my face painted trying to make others laugh1 and with deep sorrow in my heart4 ,i began at ,drury ,lane in #ahia with 8,beauty and the ,beast02 ,lady ,dunlo was 8,beauty10 ,john ,d',auban the 8,beast10 and ,vesta ,tilley was also in the cast4 ,in the harlequinade quite a number of the ,leopold family took part4 ,there were two clowns1 myself and ,harry ,leopold4 ,fred ,leopold was harlequin1 and ,joseph ,leopold pantaloon4 ,the ,era was good enough to say3 8,in the second scene1 a model farmyard1 ,whimsical ,walker in schoolboy attire introduced his wonderful whimsical singing donkey and added enormously to the amusement of the spectators in what we may call a great cab act40 ,this was some comic business which ,i fancy must have been suggested to me by the unpremeditated pranks ,i played in ,dublin 7already related71 when ,i was chased by a policeman and evaded him by running round and underneath a horse and the constable falling down in the pursuit1 the whole thing ending in my temporary sojourn in the police station4 ,for pantomime purposes ,i amplified the episode by the addition of a four-wheeled cab--a real one1 not a property affair4 ,there was much the same chase by a stage policeman1 only more so1 as ,i was able to dart through the cab in at one door and out at the other with the policeman after me4 ,i am bound to say that royalty never turn their backs upon pantomime4 ,the late ,king ,edward1 it is true1 was not an enthusiastic patron1 if indeed he can be called a patron at all1 for ,i'm not aware that he ever was present at the 8,drury ,lane0 pantomime1 and ,i'm told that he did not care for this kind of show1 but when a boy he frequently accompanied ,queen ,victoria4 ,queen ,alexandra1 on the other hand1 very often came1 accompanied by her grandchildren4 ,i well remember on one occasion when introducing some 8business0 with ,tom ,smith's crackers1 which included throwing a number among the audience1 it occurred to me to present a cracker to the little ,princess ,mary1 who was in one of the boxes with other members of the royal family4 ,getting a ladder1 ,i planted it against the box and mounted it1 crackers in hand4 ,my clown's white and red face in a queer headdress suddenly popping up over the edge of the box rather alarmed the small lady1 ,i'm afraid4 ,the clown is all very well at the distance1 but near to must seem an awful figure1 especially to a child's imaginative mind4 ,i presented the cracker4 ,i could see she didn't know whether to laugh or to cry4 ,however1 she mustered up courage to take a cracker from me and all went well1 especially as she was rewarded for her graciousness by a huge burst of applause4 ,as for the young prince1 he looked upon the thing as a rare bit of fun1 and at once entered into the spirit of it4 ,this was the first visit of the ,prince of ,wales1 his brother and ,princess ,mary to a pantomime4 ,this cracker 8turn0 was made a vehicle for a practical joke of which ,i was the victim4 ,the 8business0 was first the lugging in of a gigantic cracker1 which pantaloon and ,i1 after some of the usual fooling1 pulled and broke4 ,it was stuffed with little crackers and then followed the distribution4 ,one night the cracker was torn asunder1 and out fell to my intense astonishment a bevy of cats4 ,quite a thrill went through the audience1 it being naturally thought that the thing had been purposely arranged1 and the thrill became excitement when the cats1 scared beyond measure1 scampered about the stage1 some jumping into the orchestra1 and others bounding into the private boxes1 to the intense terror of the occupants4 ,i needn't say that ,i spotted the perpetrator in that incurable practical joker ,dan ,leno6 ,one had to keep an eye open for an opportunity to introduce a topical allusion4 ,the greatest applause and enthusiasm ,i ever heard and witnessed in ,drury ,lane ,theatre was at a matinee during the ,boer ,war4 ,dan ,leno and ,herbert ,campbell had just come off the stage when a telegram was put into ,dan's hands4 8,confound it10 he groaned1 8,i wish ,i'd had this given me ten minutes ago4 ,what a chance missed60 ,then he brightened up4 8,whimmy10 said he1 8read this and give it out40 ,the telegram was 8,relief of ,ladysmith40 ,accordingly ,i went on and announced the news4 ,directly ,i had uttered the words ,i saw it was no good going on with my performance4 ,the audience rose to its feet1 shouted1 threw up their hats1 and some started singing the ,national ,anthem4 ,the curtain had to be rung down and the show brought to an end4 ,going out of the theatre the newspaper boys were rushing past with 8,reported relief of ,ladysmith0 on the contents bills4 ,the place was not relieved for a fortnight after and ,dan then had his chance to make the announcement4 ,but again he was defrauded by a premature bit of gag on the part of a precocious boy 7afterwards well-known as ,jimmy ,harrington7 as related by ,jimmy ,glover4 ,the greatest bit of 8spoof0 that ever was done1 ,i should think1 was at ,sheffield--with myself and ,arthur ,roberts4 ,i was performing in 8,venus10 which ,sir ,augustus ,harris had produced at the ,alexandra ,theatre1 and ,arthur ,roberts was at the ,theatre ,royal4 ,i had a note from ,arthur ,roberts asking me to come up after the show1 so ,i went and found a brougham waiting outside the ,theatre ,royal4 ,it had been sent for him from the ,maunch ,hotel1 where in fact we were all staying4 ,i needn't say that ,arthur ,roberts was a born 8spoofer0 and never missed a chance of pulling somebody's leg4 ,he sometimes got himself up so that even his own flymen did not recognise him4 ,on this occasion he had a fur coat on and he looked more like a ,russian than anything else4 ,a stage hand was standing next to us with a clay pipe in his mouth1 so ,arthur began talking 8cod0 ,russian to me and ,i was the interpreter4 ,in the middle of this 8cod0 talk ,i turned round to this man saying3 8,the ,prince from ,moscow 7meaning ,arthur7 wants to know if you'd like to go to his hotel and have supper with him4 ,he's taken a liking to the ,british working men1 he says they look so strong and healthy40 ,so1 with a little bit of persuasion1 we got the man into the brougham and we were taken to the ,maunch ,hotel4 ,as interpreter to the ,prince ,i got our guest to go into a room by himself and told him to wash his face and make himself as presentable as he could4 ,in due time he came into our room1 where there were ,harry ,nicholls1 ,fred ,latham1 myself and ,arthur ,roberts4 ,arthur kept up his jabbering and of course ,i interpreted it1 telling the man that the 8,prince0 was surprised to see what a small foot the man had for such a big fellow and wanted to know how he would look without his boots4 ,the upshot was we got his boots off1 then his coat and waistcoat1 as his ,highness would like to see how many inches he was round the chest4 ,finally1 we had everything off him except a little bit of red flannel that he had on his chest4 ,when he was reduced to this extremity the man protested1 saying3 8,i'll take nought else off10 and we considerately left him with this bit of flannel6 ,finally we each gave him a couple of bob and sent him home4 ,then the manager of the hotel came upon the scene and there was something like a row1 but we made it all right by treating the manager4 ,this was not the end of our 8spoofing0 enterprise4 ,our room was on the top floor of the hotel1 and when ,harry ,nicholls and ,latham left us it was early in the morning and we heard the servants moving about4 ,a bit of devilry came into our minds to do some statuary business with the table cloths1 and when the domestics came into the room to tidy up they found ,arthur on one table and me upon another1 with white table cloths round us and a little bit of soot on our noses4 ,directly the girls saw these two ghostly figures on the table they screamed and fell down in a faint4 ,i rushed to a hiding place1 thinking it was a cupboard1 got into it and found it was the lift1 and ,i went with a horrible grinding noise right to the bottom4 ,where ,arthur got to ,i don't know1 but with the row everybody was out of bed1 and of course we were asked to leave the hotel4 ,but somehow we talked over the manager and he forgave us4 ,a third escapade and ,i've done with the ,maunch ,hotel4 ,one night1 or rather morning1 ,arthur and ,i came from the ,arts ,club on a conveyance which was not quite orthodox1 or even respectable1 being in fact simply a street sweeper with a huge brush6 ,imagine the picture1 two men sitting on a street sweeping machine at four in the morning1 with silk hats on6 ,we got to the hotel and they let us in through the iron latticed doors1 which formed the entrance4 ,no sooner were we inside than another idea occurred to us4 ,down we went on our hands and knees1 crawling round and round and pretending to be wild beasts and occasionally growling through the bars at the artisans and colliers going to work4 ,a frantic expostulation from the manager followed1 but we made it up with him1 so much so that when we were leaving he presented each of us with a knife6 ,the following1 ,i think1 may be called a natural 8spoof0--it was certainly a 8spoof0 on the part of ,dame ,nature4 ,i once visited a friend of mine who had taken a billiard saloon for the season in a well-known ,south ,coast watering place4 ,luck was dead against him1 for during the first few weeks there was scarcely one fine day1 and though a few visitors were driven by the weather into his saloon matters were not much better there1 because the skylight was a dreadfully leaky one4 ,on my first visit to the saloon ,i found a couple of players engaged in a game1 and my friend standing near each player in turn holding up an umbrella to keep the rain from splashing on the table and spoiling the strokes6 ,there were only a few spectators1 and these were in a high state of glee1 and were constantly encouraging the players with cries of 8,in off the spot6 ,in off the spot60 the said spot1 in every instance1 being a newly-made rainspot that had dropped from the skylight on to the green cloth4 ,as these rainspots were continually appearing1 the players had a great variety of choice for their strokes6 ,i remember a good example of an unintentional 8spoof0 which occurred when ,i was engaged at the ,agricultural ,hall in 8,china in ,london40 ,this was the first time the water chute was introduced4 ,it was then a great novelty1 but was afterwards made familiar enough to the public at ,earls ,court4 ,the management invited the ,london ,press to lunch1 after which they were able to sample the chute4 ,this performance was faithfully carried out--indeed too faithfully1 and this is where the 8spoof0 came in4 ,special arrangements were made for the new amusement 787 by the construction of a water channel about three feet deep and six feet wide1 which ran right round the hall4 ,there was also a sort of miniature lake some ten feet square and ten feet deep near the stage4 ,this was for the reception of ,willie ,beckwith1 the famous swimmer1 when he dived from the roof1 a performance which always gave the audience the thrill of their lives4 ,this lake had nothing to do with the chute1 but fate ordained otherwise4 ,the gentlemen of the ,press could no more see into the future than could ordinary people1 and they took their seats in the boat gaily enough after being well fortified by the lunch4 8,are you ready80 called out the man in charge4 ,the ,press answered as with one voice1 8,yes10 and down they went into the three feet channel4 ,at least1 this is what they should have done according to the programme1 but someone or something had 8blundered0 and the boat dipped into the ten feet lake and shot out all the occupants6 ,it was something like a scrum6 ,i did not read what was said in the papers about the incident4 ,maybe it was one of those slips concerning which the less said the better4 ,the art of 8spoofing0 was brought to a high state of perfection at the 8,spooferies10 that queer little club founded by ,arthur ,roberts and others in a court near the ,adelphi ,theatre1 between the ,strand and ,maiden ,lane4 ,the premises consisted of one large room1 originally1 ,i fancy1 intended for a cellar1 and the 8properties0 were mainly a billiard table and a grill6 ,the fun did not begin until about midnight and ended with the milk in the morning4 ,here ,i believe a number of victims were offered up for sacrifice after the fashion of the stage hand at ,sheffield4 ,whether that episode suggested the subsequent game--for a mock game was invented--,i am unable to say4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker rehearsing a love scene with ,miss ,nancy ,buckland1 ,drury ,lane ,theatre ,stage ,,chapter ,,xvii ,pantomimes at old 8,drury40 ,a pantomime mishap4 8,spoofing0 a ,hebe of the old ,gaiety buffet4 ,e4 ,j4 ,odell's rebuke4 ,sitting on a corpse6 ,drury ,lane memories4 ,lady ,dunlo and the ham and beef shop4 ,i play in ,drury ,lane panto from #aiab to #aibj4 ,actors and actresses who have played in pantomimes4 ,jimmy ,welch and the ,new ,clown4 ,mr4 ,arthur ,bourchier as clown in ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert's 8,fairy's ,dilemma40 ,a ,crystal ,palace ,pantomime4 ,the ,lupinos as children4 ,covent ,garden fancy dress balls4 8,codding0 the first prize4 ,dan ,leno as a policeman4 ,baddeley ,twelfth ,cake ,festivities4 ,in #ahie1 after the death of ,sir ,augustus ,harris1 ,mr4 ,slater ,dundas1 his partner1 took the pantomime which had been so splendid a success at ,drury ,lane the year before1 to the ,theatre ,royal1 ,birmingham1 and here ,i played the 8,grand ,vizier0 and was also the clown in the harlequinade4 ,the ,birmingham people were delighted with it and one newspaper declared that 8no more successful and brilliant pantomime has been seen in this city for many a day40 ,the year #ahih saw me back at ,drury ,lane1 and here ,i remained for several successive seasons4 ,the pantomime of that year was 8,the ,forty ,thieves10 by ,arthur ,sturgess and ,arthur ,collins4 ,dan ,leno and ,herbert ,campbell were now established favourites and ,i think ,i found my clowning in the harlequinade was appreciated4 ,the pantaloon was ,car ,waller1 the harlequin ,tom ,cusden1 and the columbine ,ruth ,jezard4 ,the pantomime of the following year was 8,jack and the ,beanstalk10 also with ,dan ,leno and ,herbert ,campbell to provide the fun previous to the harlequinade4 ,the cast in the latter was the same as in the preceding season4 ,in the 8,sleeping ,beauty and the ,beast10 by ,jay ,hickory ,wood and ,arthur ,collins 7#aijj-aija71 the comic element was strengthened by the addition of the late ,fred ,emney1 and he with ,dan and ,herbert made an unapproachable trio of humorists4 ,they also took the principal characters in the 8,bluebeard0 of #aija-jb1 one of the most successful pantomimes ,mr4 ,collins ever produced4 ,as a rule the harlequinade is dismissed by the ,press with a very brief reference1 but on this occasion one newspaper thought it worthy of almost an extended notice4 ,in describing a scene which is supposed to represent a seaside pier1 the critic wrote3 8,the pantaloon and the clown take possession of a coffee stall and are greatly troubled by the dishonesty and vagaries of their customers4 ,finally a tall1 thin and starved-looking vocalist takes up a position on the pier and begins to warble #8,queen of my ,heart4' ,nothing will remove this obstinately persevering singer4 ,the clown and the pantaloon belabour him vigorously with boards1 but all in vain4 ,he is there and there he remains till the fall of the curtain1 still chanting ,alfred ,cellier's serenade4 ,whimsical ,walker is a very funny clown and works hard to keep things moving40 ,well1 ,i won't contradict this statement4 ,during the performance of one pantomime--,i forget which one--,i had a curious mishap4 ,during my last visit to ,america ,i was very ill--it was the time when ,i experienced the discomforts of a ,seattle hospital--and on my return to ,england ,i was told that the root of the evil lay with my teeth and that ,i must have them out4 ,a dentist extracted them accordingly1 but when it came to a question of a new set something went wrong4 ,the expert paid me numerous visits1 swallowed numerous nips of my whisky1 besides money on account1 but no false teeth were forthcoming4 ,finally he disappeared and ,i was left minus dentist1 minus teeth4 ,i had to endure much chaffing from my comrades owing to my transformed facial appearance4 ,i got tired of being called 8,old ,gummy0 and ,i was fitted with a set of teeth by another dentist4 ,but like the majority of false teeth they were always more or less a source of trouble1 and one night in a pantomime 8rally0 the comic policeman banged me on the back1 my teeth went flying and rolled over the footlights into the orchestra and hit a fiddler in the eye6 ,in the old pantomime days of ,covent ,garden and ,drury ,lane ,theatres life went merrily enough1 both on and off the boards4 ,drury ,lane then really existed4 ,to-day it would be difficult to fix the exact spot where it made its way into the ,strand4 ,it has been 8improved0 into an ugly gaunt street4 ,i suppose the 8improvements0 were necessary1 but personally ,i prefer the old1 nondescript1 out-at-elbows thoroughfare4 ,i've had many unexpected situations thrust upon me in the 8,lane40 ,once after a long and tedious rehearsal ,i went to a hairdresser's close to the theatre to get freshened up4 ,i was so dead beat that ,i fell asleep in the chair1 and when the barber woke me 7for payment of course7 ,i discovered he had treated me to a perfect prison crop6 ,i was very much annoyed and ,i owe him for that hair-cut yet4 ,while ,i was strolling down the 8,lane0 into the ,strand1 feeling as if ,i'd just been released from ,wormwood ,scrubbs1 ,i met1 ,i think1 ,herbert ,campbell1 and we wandered into the 8,gaiety0 bar1 once the happy hunting ground of the high-collared crutch and toothpick brigade1 and also known as 8,prossers'0 ,avenue4 ,suddenly he noticed my shorn head and he exclaimed very audibly3 8,hullo1 ,whimmy1 when did they let you out80 8,only this morning10 said ,i1 quite seriously4 ,he followed this up by enquiring sympathetically whether ,i had been treated well4 8,no10 ,i rejoined1 8the ,governor was a brute2 kept me on the treadmill until the last moment40 ,the ,hebe of the buffet was of the proud and 'aughty variety for which the 8,gaiety0 bar was famed4 ,she was all eyes and ears1 so we carried on in the way we had begun until she believed we were two of the most desperate crooks in ,london1 and when we ordered our drinks she refused to serve us4 ,we protested1 but the mischief was done1 and a big man in livery came up and suggested that the 8,gaiety0 was not the place for such as us1 but that we'd better try ,bow ,street police station6 ,we did not contest the point1 but went on to the 8,wellington10 opposite the stage door of the old ,gaiety ,theatre1 and started a fresh topic of conversation4 ,one wanted a good deal of command of one's temper to tackle any of these wonderful young females should she be listening to the vapid cackle of some smirking youth1 all collar and cuffs1 when you asked her to serve you4 ,you might have been addressing one of the statues in a suburban tea garden for any notice she took of you4 ,she might condescend to attend to your wants if she thought fit1 or she might not1 but instead would make a sign to some other damsel4 ,anyhow you had to accept the snub4 ,she was thoroughly mistress of the position4 ,e4 ,j4 ,odell it was1 ,i believe1 who once launched a sarcastic dart when treated thusly4 ,he turned to his companion1 and in his deep1 distinctive1 sustained tones remarked with a sigh of regret3 8,and ,i'm told there were once pretty girls here60 ,whether he got his drink the quicker for this rebuke history doesn't relate4 ,another recollection of the 8,lane0 was of quite a different character4 ,i was on speaking terms with an undertaker there and he once invited me into his shop and brought out a bottle of whisky4 ,i sat myself down on something covered with black cloth and we hobnobbed together in friendly fashion4 ,the undertaker was an enthusiastic theatre-goer4 ,he knew a host of 8stars0 by sight and had acquaintance with a few of the lesser lights4 ,we talked theatrical 8shop0 and ,i happened to ask the undertaker if he knew what had become of a certain actor whom ,i mentioned by name4 8,yes10 said the man composedly1 8you're a-sitting on him now60 ,i jumped from the black covered something and hurried away1 leaving my whisky behind me4 ,it was some few minutes before ,i recovered from the shock4 ,the mention of ,drury ,lane and its surroundings bring back a host of memories--some of them sad ones4 ,so many old associates1 so many old landmarks have passed away4 ,the 8,albion10 with its pleasant suppers and merry talk1 the 8,wellington0 and its 8,gaiety mixture0--a concoction of whisky cold with a slice of lemon--the invention of ,bob ,soutar1 who with ,meyer ,lutz1 the clever musical conductor of the 8,gaiety10 and many1 many others used to foregather in the narrow saloon bar4 ,there was more ,bohemianism and less glitter and 8swank0 then than now4 ,one can hardly imagine to-day a lady of title1 the 8star0 of a ,drury ,lane pantomime1 sharing sandwiches--and enjoying them too--with the clown amid a crowd in a ham and beef shop6 ,yet ,i've had this pleasure with ,lady ,dunlo more than once in the celebrated ham and beef shop at the corner of ,bow ,street and ,russell ,street1 opposite the 8,albion40 ,but what sandwiches they were6 ,the best in ,london4 ,such white and well-made bread1 such juicy ham and such liberal measure of the latter were to be found nowhere else4 ,the glory of those sandwiches and that ham and beef shop has passed away4 ,it is now a potato dealer's6 ,years of pantomime work at ,drury ,lane followed1 without a break in the harlequinade so far as ,i was concerned4 8,mother ,goose10 8,humpty ,dumpty10 8,the ,white ,cat10 8,cinderella10 all were highly successful4 ,then came a long break and ,i went back in #aiab1 when the attraction was the 8,sleeping ,beauty10 by the late ,g4 ,r4 ,sims and ,arthur ,collins4 ,the public highly favoured this old fairy tale1 and ,mr4 ,sims and ,mr4 ,collins collaborated the next two years in variations of the story under the titles of 8,the ,sleeping ,beauty ,reawakened10 and 8,the ,sleeping ,beauty ,beautified40 ,then came 8,puss in ,boats10 and as the sequels to the 8,sleeping ,beauty0 had proved to be popular the experiment was tried with 8,puss in ,boats10 which in #aiaf-ag became 8,puss in ,new ,boots40 ,in 8,aladdin0 in #aiah two new pantomime writers1 ,mr4 ,frederick ,anstey and ,mr4 ,frank ,dix1 joined ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins1 and ,mr4 ,dix and ,mr4 ,collins were responsible for the pantomimes of the 8,babes in the ,wood0 and 8,cinderella0 in #aiai and #aibj respectively4 ,in the pantomimes above mentioned ,i had a share of the old harlequinade business1 which was preserved1 or as much of it as ,i was allowed to produce4 ,from time to time appeared various actors and actresses whose names are generally associated with branches of the profession other than pantomime4 ,the names of ,lionel ,rignold1 ,sophie ,larkin in 8,cinderella0 in #ahie 7,sophie ,larkin was never what one would call a beautiful woman1 and ,i suppose it was one of life's little ironies which caused her to be cast as one of the 8,ugly ,sisters072 ,clara ,jecks in 8,aladdin10 ,walter ,passmore and ,emily ,spiller in 8,cinderella0 7#aije71 ,george ,graves1 ,george ,barrett1 ,austin ,melford1 ,florence ,smithson1 ,charles ,rock1 ,madge ,titherage1 ,robert ,hale1 and last but not least1 ,james ,welch1 who played 8,prince ,patter0 in 8,the ,white ,cat0 7#aiad74 ,it was his only appearance in pantomime and he could hardly have felt at home4 ,all the same he gathered a few hints which came in handy in his memorable performance in 8,the ,new ,clown40 ,i might say that ,i had the privilege of 8making him up0 in this part1 which he created and made his own4 ,jimmy ,welch was not the only actor to play clown whom ,i assisted in this way4 ,mr4 ,arthur ,bourchier essayed the character in ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert's 8,fairy's ,dilemma0 and his 8make up0 was due to me4 ,mr4 ,gilbert has occasionally been represented as being somewhat overbearing and given to interference4 ,i can only say ,i did not find him so4 ,indeed1 he was rather the reverse1 and ,i have in my possession a pin which he gave me as an appreciation of my humble services4 ,i fancy that in his heart the author of the ,bab ballads had a great liking for pantomimes4 ,did he not play harlequin at the ,gaiety in the amateur pantomime produced there in #ahgh8 ,others who in the 'nineties were then children1 have since become popular actors1 notably ,barry and ,stanley ,lupino4 ,in #ahig ,i ran a pantomime at the ,crystal ,palace in partnership with ,mr4 ,george ,lupino and ,mrs4 ,lupino1 the parents of ,barry and ,stanley4 ,we opened on ,easter ,monday with 8,robinson ,crusoe10 and we gave several shows during the day4 ,the cast was as follows3 ,mrs4 ,george ,lupino1 8,robinson02 ,george ,lupino1 8,friday02 ,barry ,lupino1 8the ,cat02 and myself1 8,mrs4 ,robinson ,crusoe40 ,there were also three other artistes4 ,the outlay over the production was not costly and we did exceedingly well with our five performances on ,easter ,monday4 ,but as the week drew nearer its end the treasury became smaller and smaller4 ,the weather was against us4 ,it was terribly bitter and we were all laid up with colds4 ,i remember ,stanley and ,mark--two quaint little chaps--crying at the wings with cold and their mother throwing in a few remarks1 sometimes of remonstrance and sometimes consolation4 ,stanley has no need to cry nowadays4 ,he is a clever and successful actor4 ,his business is to make people laugh1 and right well he does it4 ,my recollections of ,drury ,lane and ,covent ,garden would not be complete without some mention of the fancy dress balls which were once so great a feature of the 8,covent ,garden0 winter seasons4 ,sir ,augustus ,harris enjoyed these revelries thoroughly1 but he had an eye to business all the same4 ,it was only human to seize the opportunity to exploit his ,drury ,lane ,pantomime ,company4 ,prizes of a princely value were offered1 such as a carriage and pair1 for the best and most original dresses1 and ,dan ,leno1 ,herbert ,campbell and myself were competitors4 ,one or the other always carried off the first prize1 but never landed one6 ,it was1 to use ,arthur ,roberts' beautiful word1 8spoof40 ,i remember that ,dan ,leno on one occasion personated a policeman1 and got into a squabble with a genuine 8copper0 outside the theatre and was collared for obstruction6 ,it was a merry time4 ,then there were the ,baddeley ,cake celebrations on ,twelfth ,night1 got up by ,sir ,augustus ,harris on a scale little dreamt of by the old actor who conceived the idea and left money to carry it out4 ,the demeanour of ,sir ,augustus ,harris on these and other functions of which he was the prime mover struck me as very characteristic4 ,he was practically the host1 but he never introduced himself into the proceedings in this capacity1 yet was always in evidence4 ,it was as though he was saying1 8,here you are1 my friends1 ,i've done my best for you4 ,do what you like and enjoy yourselves1 but don't take any notice of me02 an attitude which made the visitors crowd round him all the more4 ,it is not too much to say that when ,sir ,augustus ,harris died ,i lost one of the dearest friends and the best manager ,i ever had4 ,i cannot imagine a greater contrast than between his treatment of me and that of a certain circus proprietor into whose pocket ,i put many hundreds of pounds4 ,all circus proprietors1 however1 are not like this4 ,a former head--now passed away--of the particular firm ,i have in my mind was not4 ,he was a gentleman4 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,w4 ,walker at their home at ,peggotty's ,hut1 ,gorleston-on-,sea1 with their mascot cat 8,whimmy0 ,,chapter ,,xviii ,american comic films an imitation of the ,english harlequinade4 ,charlie ,chaplin's 8method40 ,the modern pantomime not produced for children4 ,the clown's 8business0 spoilt by the orchestra4 ,a defence of the harlequinade4 ,grimaldi and summer pantomimes4 ,what a pantomime should be4 ,a suggestion4 ,the best clowns with circus experience4 ,the art of pantomime running in families4 ,the ,leopolds1 the ,vokes family1 the ,lupinos4 ,the difference between a circus and a pantomime clown4 ,watty ,hillyard1 ,wallet and ,tom ,matthews4 ,mr4 ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert as harlequin4 ,w4 ,j4 ,payne1 the 8,king of ,pantomime40 ,how ,dan ,leno and ,herbert ,campbell worked together4 ,the clown of the harlequinade works by himself4 ,sausages and the red-hot poker4 ,the origin of the clown4 ,eighteenth century pantomimes4 ,grimaldi4 ,other famous clowns4 ,how old circus jokes were made4 ,a plea for the revival of the harlequinade4 ,it seems to me that much of the comic stuff which comes from ,america on the films is simply an exaggerated form of the old knock-about harlequinade 8business0 of the ,english pantomime4 ,the disappearances and transformations which followed a tap of the harlequinade's magic wand have been taken bodily and worked out in an outrageously burlesque form4 ,but in the film the effect of magic is absent2 the ingenuity of the property master in the pantomime had really a suggestion of the black art about it4 ,the lather or whitewash with which the clown plays such pranks reappears on the film with a monotonous repetition which has become terribly wearisome4 ,even the agile leaps of the harlequin have been appropriated4 ,i make bold to say that nearly every artifice in the so-called 8comedy0 films is based on the 8business0 of the old harlequinade4 ,even ,charlie ,chaplin's shows are akin to the clown's knock-abouts and tumbles4 ,they are of course not in the same street with the stereotyped idiotic 8comedy0 films which have neither rhyme nor reason4 ,charlie ,chaplin is a great artist4 ,his facial fertility is inimitable and so are his body contortions4 ,method and the art of surprise are always at his command1 and his sense of the ludicrous is wonderfully keen4 ,but at the bottom of his productions is the clown's business1 and this is a sure laughter getter4 ,charlie ,chaplin1 as all the world knows1 made a hit in ,fred ,karno's 8,the ,mumming ,birds10 and he was as successful with this on his first visit to ,america as in ,england4 ,but his second visit with the 8,wow ,wows10 of which company ,i was a member1 as already mentioned1 did not altogether please the ,american public1 which has an unpleasant habit of making up its mind beforehand what it is going to like4 ,my experience is that our ,american cousins1 in spite of their 8go ahead0 reputation1 are slow to accept novelties1 especially if they're not of native production1 and the audiences having identified ,charlie ,chaplin with a certain eccentric and mirth provoking personage were disappointed at not finding the same gentleman4 ,anyhow1 ,charlie ,chaplin has now found fame and fortune in the ,states4 ,this cannot be said of other music-hall 8stars0 who have crossed the ,atlantic4 ,mr4 ,h4 ,g4 ,hibbert1 in his 8,fifty ,years of a ,londoner's ,life10 reminds us that ,jenny ,hill1 the popular 8,vital ,spark10 was a comparative failure4 ,albert ,chevalier was hardly a success1 certainly not a great one4 ,dan ,leno did not go down at all2 ,chirgwin took the first boat home4 ,the gentleman who did not like my appearance in my clown's dress and wanted to express his feelings by putting a bullet through me is1 ,i am afraid1 typical of many ,americans4 ,was not a ,western audience once beseeched not to shoot the pianist1 as he was doing his best8 ,whether ,i am right or wrong as to the indebtedness of comedy films to the harlequinade perhaps doesn't matter very much2 the point is that the cinema crowds laugh at the grotesque situations pictured1 and this ,i needn't say is the object of the clown's antics and the practical jokes he plays4 ,the essence of the whole thing is an illustration of the principle laid down by a philosophical student of human nature1 that there was something in the misfortunes of our dearest friends not altogether unpleasing to us4 ,i contend that the way people are tickled by film fun makes it all the more puzzling why harlequinades are for the moment things of the past1 since the knock-about material in the harlequinade is the same in both4 ,i take it that of late years pantomimes have been produced to attract the grown-ups rather than the children4 ,when a harlequinade is introduced it forms but a small portion of the entertainments and comes in when the audience is getting tired1 and when many1 after the queer ,english fashion1 are hurrying away4 ,why certain playgoers are so afraid of the fall of the curtain has always been a mystery to me4 ,what1 however1 is especially annoying to the clown and to the other members of the harlequinade is the indifference1 not to say contempt1 of the orchestra for the whole thing4 ,it's pretty clear that the fiddlers1 the flautists1 the cornet and trombone players and the rest1 look upon the harlequinade as something which keeps them out of their beds4 ,often ,i've been disconcerted by the whispered entreaties from the gentlemen below 8to get on with it10 8hurry up10 8we want to get away10 and the like4 ,what chance has anyone to introduce an impromptu bit of business--and an impromptu sometimes makes a great hit--when he's having his pitch queered in this fashion8 ,i declare that not a few times ,i've had a good wheeze quite spoiled by a vicious bang on the big drum at the wrong moment4 ,people's sense of humour is much the same now as it ever was--not so coarse1 perhaps--but this is the only difference4 ,flexmore1 a famous clown of the 'forties and 'fifties1 indulged in a broadness which wouldn't now be tolerated1 otherwise he carried on the tradition of ,grimaldi1 and this tradition has in a way been preserved to the present day4 ,we are told by some superior folk that the harlequinade of the old school was based on brutality4 ,so also was ,punch and ,judy4 ,it is also said to be vulgar4 ,can it be more vulgar than some of the revues with which the public have been favoured during recent years8 ,i contend that the clown's 8business0 is honest humour with a distinct note of human nature in it which appeals to one's instincts for mirth4 ,the pit and gallery have always recognised this openly1 but ,i am afraid that managers nowadays think more of the boxes1 the stalls and the dress circle2 and the pit and gallery have literally to take a back seat4 ,at one time the reverse was the case4 ,it is a very remarkable fact that in the palmy days of the pantomime ,christmas was not the only time when clown and pantaloon played their pranks4 ,pantomime really seemed to go on all the year round4 ,grimaldi many a time sang his famous songs1 8,tippity-witchet0 and 8,hot codlins0 in the blazing days of ,july6 ,in this particular month in #ahbc at the ,coburg ,theatre 7now the 8,old ,vic07 no less than three pantomimes were produced4 8,salmagundi10 or the 8,clown's dish of sorts10 a mixture of the harlequinade of previous years1 was played on ,july #ast and ran for six nights2 on the #hth came 8,harlequin and the ,three ,wishes10 or 8,puck and the ,black ,pudding10 and on the #aeth 8,disputes in ,china10 or 8,harlequin and the ,kong ,merchants10 and in each ,grimaldi was the clown4 ,true1 ,grimaldi was a genius1 and it was to see him that the theatre was packed nightly1 but it was pantomime all the same and more--it was almost entirely what we have come to call the harlequinade4 ,i needn't try to trace the causes of the decline of the harlequinade and why the 8story0 with its gorgeous scenery and the introduction of music-hall 8stars0 have gradually pushed it into a sort of afterthought4 ,the taste of the public may have changed 7though ,i do not think it has7 or the desire for novelty on the part of managers may have had something to do with it4 ,whatever may be the reason1 it is pretty clear that at present the harlequinade is little better than a thing of shreds and patches4 ,it may be argued that ,i1 as a professional clown1 am prejudiced in this respect1 but ,i still maintain that the harlequinade does not receive that attention from the managers to which1 by reason of its historical associations and power of attraction1 it is entitled1 and ,i am quite certain that thousands of parents throughout the ,united ,kingdom will support me in that opinion4 ,there are many people who seldom1 or never1 go to a theatre except at pantomime time4 ,to them it is a paternal duty to give the children an opportunity of enjoying the rollicking pranks of clown1 pantaloon1 and policeman1 and to gaze in rapture at the graceful evolutions of harlequin and columbine4 ,to such parents the curtailment of the harlequinade is a distinct disappointment and a source of regret1 if not of offence4 ,i will undertake to say if a poll of the realm were taken on the question of retaining or abolishing the harlequinade1 the result would be an overwhelming majority in favour of the clown and his acolytes4 ,not only do the children enjoy the fun1 but the parents are made to feel young again1 and the spectacle of their youngsters screaming with laughter and clapping their hands1 does them good in body and spirit1 and takes them out of themselves4 ,many a time ,i have had to go on the stage when in indifferent health1 and the burst of hearty greeting from the kiddies has driven away all symptoms of indisposition1 and has been far more beneficial than a dose of the most expert doctor's medicine4 ,pantomimes were originally intended almost solely for the entertaining of the younger generation1 and the first part was always described as the 8opening40 ,it was1 and still is1 the harlequinade that follows which the youngsters looked forward to with delighted longing2 their merry laughter and shrill cries of excited joy1 as the fun proceeded1 in surprise after surprise1 were a pleasure to the older members of the audience1 who felt that they were duly rewarded for having brought the children to revel in the frolics of 8,joey10 their bosom favourite and cherished idol4 ,an old friend of mine in the theatrical profession once seriously suggested that the harlequinade1 instead of being the 8tag0 of a pantomime1 should be put on the first scene or early in the 8opening40 ,further1 my friend urged that his proposed plan could be easily carried out without much offence to the traditional proprieties by a reversal of the old system of converting1 in the transformation scene1 the wicked ,baron into clown1 the fairy ,prince into harlequin1 and so on with the other characters4 ,the clown could be converted by the fairy ,queen into the wicked ,baron1 the harlequin into 8principal boy10 the columbine into 8principal girl10 and similar transformations effected with the other characters4 ,having many years' experience of pantomimes1 ,i have learned what fantastic tricks authorised stage managers can play with original schemes1 and ,i see no insurmountable difficulty in the adoption of my friend's suggestion4 ,after all1 a so-called pantomime with no harlequinade1 or with the mere apology for one1 is no pantomime at all1 but simply a glorified revue4 ,but with a revival of the harlequinade comes a difficult question4 ,where are the clowns to come from8 ,clowns1 like poets1 are born1 not made2 the taste must be in one1 and it is not against you if you haven't been blest with beauty4 ,grimaldi would have been nothing without his mirth provoking face4 ,the same may be said of comedians1 but there is a difference4 ,the comedian personates many characters1 the poor clown has but one4 ,the comedian has all the advantage of an eccentric dress1 of an eccentric make-up2 the clown can only have one costume1 and red and white paint obliterates all his facial play4 ,moreover1 whatever natural talent he may possess for fooling1 it is of not much good unless he has had the training and has started young4 ,nearly all successful pantomimists have commenced learning their art almost as soon as they were out of the cradle4 ,it is singular that the particular gift of mumming often runs in families4 ,grimaldi's father and grandfather were dancers1 and ,joe was not two years old when he made his first appearance on the stage4 ,the ,leopolds with their uncle ,edward ,giovanelli1 of ,highbury ,barn fame1 the ,vokes family and the ,lupinos1 are examples4 ,pantomime training is very difficult nowadays4 ,when the old time travelling circus and mumming both were in their glory it was easy enough1 and if ,i had my time to go over again ,i would begin in a travelling circus2 as1 apart from the varied experience1 you have the open-air life1 and the happy-go-lucky way of looking at things4 ,there is a great difference between the circus and the pantomime clown1 and ,i think ,i can say ,i am master of what both have to do1 as ,i have spent thirty years of my life in each capacity4 ,a circus clown has to knock about1 tumble1 crack wheezes1 and do without properties4 ,the work is a hundred times harder than in a pantomime4 ,you must1 in addition1 be apprenticed to the circus fun1 whereas to be a pantomime clown an apprenticeship isn't necessary4 ,one of the first pantomime clowns ,i ever saw was ,watty ,hillyard1 who commenced as a circus clown with ,john and ,george ,sanger4 ,a capital circus clown also was ,wallet1 who revived the old title1 in abeyance since the time of ,james ,i1 of the 8,queen's ,jester40 ,he was a fine acrobat and moreover wrote a book giving an account of his early life as a circus clown4 ,dan ,leno1 after his performance before royalty1 aspired to be called the 8,king's ,jester10 and in his last sad days1 in his moments of 8exaltation0 he fancied he had the power of conferring titles upon all and sundry4 ,paul ,herring1 who began his career in the circus1 was1 ,i think1 the best pantaloon of his day4 ,among the celebrated clowns of old ,victorian times was ,tom ,matthews1 who founded his style on ,grimaldi's4 ,he was nothing of an acrobat1 but according to ,h4 ,j4 ,byron he 8relied on a jolly round face1 a mouth like ,piccadilly ,circus1 a rich semi-hoarse roaring voice and undoubted powers of pantomime 444 though ,tom ,barry exceeded everybody as a circus clown40 ,writing in #ahgi ,mr4 ,byron said3 8,pantaloons and harlequins are probably pretty much the same as they have been for years1 though the former are too apt to talk and the latter think more of dancing than of the supposed attributes of the owner of the magic bat4 ,when ,mr4 ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert played harlequin ,i saw for the first time for years a consistent impersonation of the character4 ,albeit further practice and increased confidence might have improved certain small details1 the representation as a piece of sustained pantomime action with a meaning in it was1 ,i admit1 to me refreshing40 ,i am afraid that if the clown is not appreciated as he used to be1 still less is the harlequin4 ,a month or so before the words quoted above were written1 ,w4 ,j4 ,payne 7the founder of another pantomimic family--,harry ,payne1 the well-known clown1 was his son71 who was termed the 8,king of ,pantomime10 died4 ,w4 ,j4 ,payne was trained under ,grimaldi and ,bologna1 the harlequin of ,grimaldi's day2 and appeared first as clown and afterwards as harlequin4 ,in his prime the essence of pantomime was dumb show1 and of this art he was a perfect master4 8,in each of his gestures10 wrote ,mr4 ,clement ,scott in the ,theatre ,magazine1 8there was an intelligible meaning4 ,his imperturbably serious air in the most comic situations was one of his strongest points4 ,the mask he wore did not entirely cover his face1 and the play of his features could be distinctly seen4444 ,both old and young could understand and enjoy such humour as his40 ,it may be said that children are not so imaginative as they used to be2 that the modern cramming system of education by competition has killed the natural instinct for boisterous1 unrestrained fun4 ,left to themselves ,i don't think this would be the effect4 ,i've no doubt that there are some priggish youngsters who may look down with pitying contempt on clown and pantaloon as too kiddish for them1 but ,i'm quite sure the natural healthy child loves both4 ,the harlequinade is one of the traditional institutions of the stage which has a firm hold on the affections of the people--an affection which has been transferred from generation to generation1 and it always will have a great attraction for the young4 ,kept clean and wholesome it will live as long as there is a theatre in the country4 ,from royalty downwards through all ranks of society1 everyone has a warm corner in his or her heart for clown1 pantaloon1 harlequin and columbine4 ,of course a good deal of the clown's fooling is traditional1 and this to an extent makes him independent of the stage manager1 but there is nothing to prevent him inventing fresh business1 as indeed ,i have often done4 ,he has only the pantaloon to consider1 and this simplifies matters4 ,now in the opening the 8stars0 have to fit themselves into the story and adapt their humour and characteristics by which they gained their name on the music-hall stage to the various situations1 and also have an eye to the other actors4 ,dan ,leno in an interview with an ,era representative is made to say-- 8,in my first ,london pantomime at the ,surrey the low comedians used to spend half the day working out 8business0 together4 ,we thoroughly enjoyed the fun4 ,but at ,drury ,lane it is all so different4 ,we hardly knew where to find each other4 ,i declare on the first night we were like so many pieces on a chess board just moved here and there by the stage manager4 ,in time this feeling diminishes1 but ,herbert ,campbell and ,i never get a real chance of working up fun together40 ,whether this puzzled feeling referred to the ,augustus ,harris rgime or to that of ,mr4 ,arthur ,collins ,i am unable to say4 ,anyhow1 a passage in ,mr4 ,jimmy ,glover's reminiscences 78,jimmy ,glover1 his book07 is pertinent to the matter4 8,nearly everything10 writes ,mr4 ,glover1 8in which he 7,dan7 succeeded at the #8,lane' he was #8written for4444' ,leno's successes with ,harris were as nothing compared with his triumphs with ,collins4 ,harris let him come on and simply be #8,dan ,leno4' ,collins thought out the ,leno style and gave him the ,leno material for the ,leno triumph4 ,every funny situation or scene was built for him1 first by the producer and then written round by the librettist4 ,he had the least initiative sense of humour of anyone ,i ever met2 once provided with the material he had the best contributory and constructive power40 ,it is the reverse of this where the harlequinade is concerned4 ,the clown and pantaloon have nothing to do with the comedians in the opening--in fact they never meet4 ,i write and produce all my scenes and comic business myself1 and ,i am my own stage manager4 ,i1 of course1 make ,mr4 ,collins acquainted with all ,i have to do1 and he does not interfere1 so that if my efforts are a success or a failure the entire responsibility rests with me4 ,but there are two important properties which ,i must have4 ,one is the sausages and the other the red-hot poker4 ,the children insist upon having these and would not consider the clown worth much if he left them out4 ,i have often wondered why a clown had such a fancy for sausages4 ,of course1 when purloined they were easy to slip into his capacious pocket1 but this isn't altogether a satisfying explanation4 ,they may or may not have been first thought of by ,grimaldi1 but pantomime history is silent on this important matter4 ,discussing the matter with a literary friend accustomed to research he was equally blank1 but he undertook to try to solve the puzzle4 ,at the same time he remarked that there was not the same difficulty with the red-hot poker1 as it had been made use of as a practical joke from time immemorial1 certainly as far back as ,chaucer1 the broad jape in 8,the ,miller's ,tale0 to wit4 ,however1 he set to work and found that the industrious ,mr4 ,w4 ,j4 ,thoms had dug up all that can be said about clowns4 ,the harlequin1 as most people know1 had its origin in ,italy1 and was practically introduced here by ,rich 7who called himself ,lun7 at the ,lincoln's ,inn ,fields ,theatre4 ,but the ,italian harlequin was not quite the same as the ,english one4 ,indeed1 he seems to have undertaken the knock-about business which now belongs to the clown4 ,addison says3 8,harlequin's part is made up of blunders and absurdities2 he is to mistake one name for another1 to forget his errands1 to stumble over queens1 and to run his head against every post that comes in his way4 ,this is all attended with something so comical in the voice and gestures that a man who is sensible of the folly of the part can hardly forbear to be pleased with it40 ,when pantomime was first played in ,england is difficult to establish1 but a dancing master at ,shrewsbury1 one ,follet1 has the credit4 ,his entertainment1 8,the ,tavern ,bilkers10 produced at ,drury ,lane in #agjb1 was entirely done in pantomime4 ,it was only played for five nights4 ,follet's next invention1 the 8,loves of ,mars and ,venus10 in #agaf1 also at ,drury ,lane1 was far more successful4 ,the new show caught the taste of the town1 and in #agag some dancers from ,france and a ,german named ,swartz1 with two dogs who could dance a minuet1 became the rage1 and the legitimate drama1 in spite of the acting of ,booth1 ,wilks and ,cibber1 was neglected4 ,with ,grimaldi the clown came into his own1 ,leigh ,hunt describes him as 8round-faced1 goggle-eyed1 knock-kneed1 but agile to a degree of the dislocated1 with a great smear for his mouth1 and a cap on his head half fool's1 half cook's40 ,grimaldi invented the clown and his tricks as we know both to-day1 and it is pretty certain that the introduction of sausages is his4 ,mr4 ,thoms says 8the clown of the present day is indubitably descended from one common stock--,punch10 and he points out that so recently as #ahjj the character of ,punch was substituted for that of the clown in the pantomime of ,harlequin1 8,amulet1 or the ,magic of ,mons40 ,we learn further that the clown of the present day seems gradually to have appropriated the peculiarities of harlequin1 clown and pierrot4 ,the pierrot is not often seen in modern pantomime1 but we have occasionally had skilled acrobats figuring as 8sprites40 ,the first clown who combined the three characters was ,follet1 whose antics were greatly relished by ,george the ,third4 8,farmer ,george0 indeed is said to have repeatedly attended ,follet's performances for the express purpose of seeing him in one of his celebrated tricks1 swallowing a carrot6 ,delpini1 ,laurent1 ,bradbury1 ,paulo1 and ,southby were famous clowns1 but all were topped by ,grimaldi4 ,as for the circus clown1 ,mr4 ,thoms remarks that he had 8a certain series of standard jokes which remained unchanged for twenty years40 ,very singular is the statement that these old jokes were for the most part coined by the ,westminster scholars1 and brought out at ,astley's1 where the clown having been coached up and properly instructed how to introduce them1 used to fire them off1 the rival makers listening with the greatest anxiety to ascertain which told best4 ,those which were most successful became of course stock jokes4 ,and this is all that my friend could find out about clowns4 ,i suspect that the character was gradually worked up by easy stages1 and that save in the case of ,grimaldi there was no sudden advance4 ,but ,grimaldi was a genius and an artist4 ,what greater tribute to him can be imagined than that paid by the great tragedian ,john ,kemble1 who watching him from the wings one night exclaimed3 8,my sister 7,mrs4 ,siddons7 never did anything finer in her life than that man is doing now in his way40 ,let another ,grimaldi show himself and if he be allowed to have his chance the harlequinade will be born again4 ,i am under the impression that nursery stories and fairy tales1 as themes for pantomime treatment1 were not used until after ,grimaldi had passed away4 ,one thing is certain2 they were made immensely popular by that versatile genius ,e4 ,l4 ,blanchard1 who for many years was identified with 8,drury ,lane0 on ,boxing nights4 ,how many pantomimes he wrote it would be hard to say4 ,in conclusion ,i would say1 that in my judgment the ,english taste in regard to amusements is too firmly fixed in the ,english character to be destroyed by passing fashions4 ,it has a way of harking back to original instincts4 ,the amazing success of the revival of 8,the ,beggar's ,opera10 which most theatrical managers ten years ago would have sworn was as dead as a doornail1 is a case in point4 ,some thirty years ago ,clement ,scott wrote3 8,pantomime1 though an exotic1 has evidently taken deep root in the ,united ,kingdom1 and the peculiar humours of the clown--a figure of essentially ,british origin--will probably serve to extend its lease of life for an indefinite period40 ,mr4 ,scott says that out of every fifty theatres in the country at that time1 forty-nine were playing pantomime4 ,many novelties in the theatrical world have come and gone since then1 but few have become permanent features of stage representation4 ,the so-called 8legitimate0 drama hasn't been ousted4 ,shakespeare doesn't spell bankruptcy1 as ,f4 ,b4 ,chatterton thought it did because it failed with him2 and the pantomime will not become a thing of the past1 in spite of superior people4 ,it can wait its time4 ,that in some shape or form it will revive and fulfil its destiny as a thoroughly ,english humorous entertainment1 ,i believe is certain4 ,illustration3 ,whimsical ,walker enjoying the sea air ,gorleston-on-,sea ,,chapter ,,xix ,the films4 ,a new experience4 ,the humours of rehearsals4 ,chasing a hat4 ,an embarrassing encounter with bees4 ,how 8little ,nell0 was buried4 ,blowing up 8old ,peggotty40 ,the 8,starting ,point40 ,a glance back at a life's work4 ,on my return from ,america in #aiac ,i had an opportunity of exploiting myself on the 8movies40 ,nothing could have presented a greater contrast to what ,i had been accustomed to than posing in front of the cinematograph camera4 ,it was as far as the poles are asunder from circus and pantomime clowning4 ,one had to get used to performing without the stimulus of an audience4 ,a rehearsal for a film picture is totally different from a rehearsal on the stage4 ,if anything is imperfect1 or goes wrong with the latter1 it is of no very great consequence4 ,to go back and try once more is easy enough4 ,but with the camera--dear me1 no4 ,the repetition of a series of photographs involves a good deal of trouble and stage direction4 ,but that which ,i found essentially unfamiliar was the necessity of adapting oneself to the situation and surroundings and the calling up of the suitable facial expression to the satisfaction of the producer4 ,in my harlequinade scenes1 as ,i have already mentioned1 ,i was left entirely to myself1 and ,i worked everything out on my own responsibility1 but for the cinematograph all had to be in accordance with the ideas of the producer4 ,but as my 8business0 was to be comic1 and as all my life ,i had been pantomiming in some shape or form1 the thing came to me easily enough1 especially in humorous scenes4 ,i am bound to say1 however1 that occasionally incidents unexpectedly happened during rehearsals which to me were funnier than those which subsequently appeared on the screen4 ,i remember during my engagement with ,hepworth's an unrehearsed episode occurred1 which caused no end of amusement not only to me but to others1 save the old gentleman who was the cause of the laugh4 ,the thing occurred at the studios at ,walton-on-,thames4 ,my instructions were to walk down the main street and at a given moment to permit my straw hat to be blown off by a convenient wind1 supplied by means of a carpet thread attached to the brim and pulled by an unseen person4 ,i believe ,sir ,herbert ,tree once set down a piece of advice1 among other gems of wisdom in his commonplace book1 which ran3 8,if your hat blows off don't trouble to run after it2 somebody is certain to do it for you40 ,i found the last half of this 8tip0 to be perfectly true1 but unfortunately the 8business0 of the part ,i was playing made it essential that ,i should run and make a great pother over doing it4 ,the hat went off properly and skidded along the street with me in full cry after it4 ,my predicament and apparent distress at once excited the pity of a gentleman who1 out of the kindness of his heart1 dropped the portmanteau he was carrying and started to assist me1 not seeing the camera on the watch1 and probably not understanding if he did see it4 ,of course the scene was within an ace of being spoilt and ,i yelled to him to get away4 ,thinking no doubt that ,i was a fool to reject his help1 he kept on running1 though he must have wondered where the miraculous wind came from1 for there was not a breath of air stirring4 ,at last ,i overtook the kind gentleman and we had a few words1 which were not of the most kindly nature1 and indeed we might have come to blows had not the producer appeared on the scene and explained what was being done4 ,then ,i shook hands with my would-be friend1 he departed to look after his portmanteau1 and the photographs were taken over again4 ,this really was my first attempt for the 8pictures0 and the mishap did not seem to me to be very encouraging4 ,however1 the film was a big success and meant for me a six months' engagement4 ,during that six months ,i played many varied parts1 one of the oddest being the impersonation of one of the 8,tiller ,girls40 ,there were three of us1 ,alma ,taylor1 ,chrissy ,white and myself4 ,i was told that ,i made a lovely girl4 ,on this point ,i have no opinion1 but ,i'm quite certain that we had great fun4 ,another droll rehearsal incident was that in which a hive full of bees figured4 ,this hive was necessary to the plot of a little play in which ,i was supposed to be the uncle of a schoolboy who was spending his holidays at my country house4 ,in the course of his rambles the boy strolls into a wood and chances to overhear a couple of fellows concocting a plan to break into my house1 kidnap my nephew the schoolboy and keep him until he is ransomed4 ,the boy1 one of the precocious1 ingenious urchins only to be met with on films1 is ready with a counter plot4 ,what could be simpler and more effective than to place a beehive each side of the window which the kidnappers were sure to select1 and connect the hives with a rope which would not be seen4 ,the fellows had only to catch their feet in the rope1 which of course they would be obliging enough to do1 the hives would be upset1 and the bees would attack the intruders and sting them to death or thereabouts4 ,the drawback to the preparation was that the film management had no bees4 ,however1 a beekeeper was found in the neighbourhood1 and he not only agreed to let his hives but he would also instruct us how to handle the bees1 which after all was the main point4 ,a river separated the beekeeper's place from the spot where we were rehearsing1 and a boat was hired to bring the hives across4 ,five of us were commissioned for the job and we were conducted by the owner to where he kept his bees4 ,noticing one or two of the party hanging back the beekeeper remarked3 8,there's nothing to be frightened about4 ,you've only got to be quiet and not disturb them4 ,they won't hurt you40 ,but somehow the man's preparations did not reassure us4 ,he had crape over his face and long gloves which came a considerable distance up his arms4 ,he was proceeding with his instructions how to handle bees when the walking stick on which one of the party was leaning slipped2 he overbalanced himself upon a hive and out came a swarm of infuriated insects4 ,we stood not upon the order of going1 but took to our heels helter skelter4 ,i scooted across the fields1 the bees after me1 but reached the boat in safety1 jumped in and crossed the river without a sting4 ,the others were not so fortunate1 and as among them were the two rascally kidnappers1 everybody said it served them right4 ,i think the funniest bit of unrehearsed comedy was that which came about in the production of ,dickens' 8,old ,curiosity ,shop10 in which ,i played the part of the single gentleman who took apartments in ,sampson ,brass's house in ,bevis ,marks1 and was the cause of so much solicitude on the part of the rascally attorney and his masculine sister1 ,sally4 ,the funeral of little ,nell was to be a scene of intense pathos and realism4 ,four supers were engaged to carry the coffin to its burial place in the woods1 and a clump of high trees about fifty yards from where the cortege was to start was selected as an ideal spot4 ,the procession started with due solemnity1 the bearers' heads and shoulders being concealed beneath the pall in the orthodox fashion4 ,it was noticed that the coffin was not carried perfectly level1 but had a tendency to droop at one corner4 ,however1 no one troubled1 and as the funeral cortege proceeded along the road everything was done with such decorum and realistic effect that the passersby doffed their hats1 as also did the drivers of various vehicles4 ,suddenly came a horrifying catastrophe4 ,the cause of the depression of the coffin was due to one of the bearers being shorter than his companions1 and either in his efforts to keep the coffin level or that the pall got in his way and prevented him seeing where he was going1 he caught his foot in the root of a tree1 and down he went and the coffin followed6 ,consternation and horror were written in the faces of the bystanders and they rushed to the scene of the catastrophe1 expecting to see the coffin smashed and the corpse ejected4 ,they certainly saw the first1 but not the second1 for of course the body was bogus4 ,so what began in solemnity ended in merriment4 ,for all that ,i'm quite sure that those who had paid such respect to the supposed dead were a little annoyed to think how they had been 8spoofed40 ,another instance of what was intended to be serious working out in the opposite direction occurred when ,i was playing old ,peggotty in 8,david ,copperfield40 ,the boatman's hut on the beach was1 as readers of the novel will remember1 at ,yarmouth1 but the producers of the film found it more convenient to transfer the scene to ,whitstable1 and to ,whitstable accordingly ,i went with the other actors in the adaptation4 ,meanwhile the producer had made arrangements with some shipping agents to provide him with the hull of a fishing smack which was turned upside down on the beach to do duty for ,peggotty's dwelling place4 ,a door and a window were put in and the interior was furnished with an ,american stove with a chimney pipe1 from which it was intended a cloud of smoke should issue to suggest the proper homely effect4 ,we artistes arrived on the spot and hundreds of people gathered round1 gaping with eagerness to see the show and wondering what it was all about4 ,as a matter of fact we hadn't much to do1 the chief actors being an old sailor and a boy1 who were to engineer the smoke with the assistance of sawdust and wood and a bucket of petroleum4 ,my part in the scene was to drag some fishing nets from the back of the boat to the door and enter the hut1 where ,i was supposed to be awaiting the arrival of my adopted son ,ham4 ,in the meantime the producer had given instructions to the old sailor that directly he heard a whistle he was to light the stove4 ,i entered the hut1 closed the door1 the whistle sounded and the old chap started to light the fire4 ,for some reason the fire refused to burn in the way it was wanted and after the lapse of a few minutes we heard the producer outside calling for more smoke--black smoke4 ,the blackness was very important for the camera to obtain the proper effect4 8,all right1 guv'nor10 grunted the sailorman1 8leave it to me40 ,the producer did leave it1 went away and in due time blew his whistle4 ,i was sitting on a chair not far from the ,american stove1 which was nearly red-hot4 8,there goes the whistle1 my lad10 said ,i1 and the next minute--well1 the whistle was not the only thing that was blown4 ,somebody as usual had blundered1 and amid a loud explosion and clouds of smoke black enough to satisfy the most exacting producer we were scattered goodness knows where6 ,the fact was that fool of a man had poured the petroleum into the red-hot stove and the result was chaos4 ,i can't say ,i remember exactly what happened4 ,i fancy ,i was too thankful ,i was still alive to think of anything else4 ,but there's a funny side to everything and ,i shan't soon forget the picture of the scared sailorman fingering his hair and beard1 or rather what remained of them4 ,both were frizzled to a frazzle4 ,i should like to have heard the remarks of his wife when she set eyes upon him4 ,at the same time it was a mercy he got off with nothing worse than the spoiling of his locks4 ,the next day the thing had to be gone over again1 barring the explosion1 and this time all went well4 ,another episode which happened in the filming of 8,david ,copperfield0 was quite as unexpected and even more embarrassing4 ,the producer wanted a wreck for the final scene where ,micawber1 ,peggotty and others leave ,england for ,australia4 ,he negotiated with the harbour of a south coast port to furnish him with a wreck1 and accordingly in a few weeks' time the wreck in the shape of a schooner was forthcoming4 ,she was lying some two miles distant from the pier1 and the producer bargained with the captain of a tug to take us out4 ,the skipper agreed to do so for #e4 ,we were taken to the wreck1 which we boarded1 and we were all so engrossed in our work that we did not notice that the tug had sheered off and left us to our fate4 ,the tide was coming in1 the swell had its effect on the wreck and on the ladies of the company4 ,the situation began to be unpleasant4 ,we could see the tug in the distance and had we known how to send out a ,s4,o4,s4 most certainly the skipper of the tug would have had one4 ,just when we were about to realise the shipwreck feeling in sober earnest1 the tug condescended to come alongside1 and then we made the discovery that her captain wanted another #e to take us ashore4 ,there was no alternative to submitting to the extortion1 and no doubt the producer registered a vow that the next time he hired a tug he would make sure that the money paid meant 8there and back40 ,a droll experience was that when ,i and several other film artistes were engaged in a film production in which we had to appear as old time mountebanks and barnstormers4 ,a farmer was found who agreed to let us have a cow shed which we proposed to turn into a mumming booth4 ,he shifted his cows and young bulls from their quarters in the shed and our carpenter got to work and transformed the place to make it suit our requirements4 ,i had to play the part of a tragedian of the old school1 silk hat1 fur collar and cuffs1 and my duty was to perform on the drum outside the supposed show4 ,the moment came when all was in readiness for the film to be taken4 ,i started on the drum and had not banged it as hard as ,i could half a dozen times when the cattle came on at a run with the evident intention of going for us4 ,the farmer's son1 who was looking on at the show1 yelled out that we'd better take cover1 and take cover we did by hopping over the hedge into the next field4 ,i rather fancy ,i headed the procession1 but the drum was left behind4 ,it turned out that among the cattle was a young bull who was a most aggressive beast where music 787 was concerned4 ,whether he recognised in my performance on the drum the tune a certain cow in remote times is said to have died of and wished to avenge his deceased ancestress ,i can't say1 but it was a very narrow squeak4 ,the 8,starting ,point10 produced by the ,british ,lion ,co41 had a breezy nautical touch about it4 ,the part assigned me was that of a retired old sailor who invests his savings in the purchase of a fishing smack4 ,the smack goes down together with the old chap's partner and life-long friend4 ,the old sailor is ruined and has to commence life again in a very humble way4 ,the story has a happy ending1 but ,i need not go into that4 ,the drama was a very striking one and the film had a great success4 ,films in which ,i have played have been1 among others1 those of the ,gaumont ,co4 78,the ,fordington ,twins07 and of the ,france ,atlantic ,co4 ,altogether my film work was an interesting and novel experience4 ,i have now arrived at the end of my tale1 in the telling of which ,i have tried to 8nothing extenuate nor set down aught in malice40 ,i am conscious that my narrative in parts is somewhat fragmentary and disjointed1 but unfortunately this is unavoidable4 ,as ,i have already had occasion to point out1 ,i have had to depend entirely on my memory4 ,notes and memoranda1 playbills1 contracts1 letters and many other documents which would have been extremely helpful to me in compiling these reminiscences were destroyed in the fire which took place in ,drury ,lane ,theatre some years ago4 ,all ,i can say is that while the task of digging into the past has been somewhat toilsome and not without pain1 reviving as it has memories of so many dear friends associated with me professionally who have passed away1 it has had its compensations4 ,i recall the many thousands of happy faces1 the merry laughter of tens of thousands of children1 which during a lengthy experience all over the world it has been my good fortune to see and hear4 ,i may perhaps be pardoned if ,i add that ,i feel no small gratification in thinking that ,i was the cause of the happy faces1 that it was ,i at whom the boys and girls were laughing4 ,maybe--and ,i certainly hope it has been so--,i have for a few minutes1 time and again1 brought brightness into the lives of others4 ,i think it is ,thackeray who says somewhere1 8,a good laugh is sunshine in the house40 ,it is so certainly in the theatre1 not only to those in front of the footlights but also to those behind4 ,the calling of the clown is to some superior people not very dignified4 ,superior people need not bother4 ,the clown is well able to take care of himself4 ,it is his mission to make people merry1 and merriment1 ,i take it1 is better than dullness1 better than dignity--often another name for bumptiousness4 8,your merry heart goes all the day1 your sad heart tires 'a mile 'a40 ,shakespeare is right6 ,,the ,,end ,richmond ,hill ,printing ,works1 ,limited1 ,london and ,bournemouth