,transcriber's note3 ,unusual and inconsistent spelling is as printed4 ,illustration3 ,letitia stood looking in blank dismay1 not offering to help4 ,little ,eyebright ,,and ,,her ,,pund ,o' ,,care ,,by ,,agnes ,,giberne ,,author ,,of ,,the ,,earls ,,of ,,the ,,village1 ,,ida',s ,,secret1 ,,life ,,tangles1 ,,floss ,,silverthorn1 ,,etc4 ,new ,edition ,john ,f4 ,shaw ,co41 ,ltd4 ,publishers #c1 ,pilgrim ,street1 ,london1 ,e4,c4 ,illustration ,,contents ,,chap4 ,i4 ,,euphrasia',s ,,home ,,ii4 ,,euphrasia',s ,,plans ,,iii4 ,,some ,,cause ,,for ,,care ,,iv4 ,,for ,,one',s ,,good ,v4 ,,the ,,johnston ,,family ,,vi4 ,,euphrasia',s ,,friend ,,vii4 ,,friends ,,and ,,friends ,,viii4 ,a ,,step ,,in ,,the ,,dark ,,ix4 ,a ,,prisoner ,x4 ,,how ,,much ,,longer8 ,,xi4 ,,never ,,sent6 ,,xii4 ,,genuine6 ,,xiii4 ,,not ,,cast ,,down ,,xiv4 ,,something ,,wrong ,,xv4 ,,will ,,you--8 ,,xvi4 ,,how ,,care ,,may ,,be ,,carried ,illustration ,,little ,,eyebright ,,and ,,her ,,pund ,o' ,,care -------------- ,,chapter ,i ,,euphrasia',s ,,home ,i ,,don',t know1 ,i'm sure1 ,mrs4 ,landor4 ,i suppose you're right1 of course4 ,people never ought to fret1 of course4 ,mr4 ,landor would say just the same if he were preaching4 ,i suppose everybody ought always to feel sure that everything is always exactly right4 ,an odd expression crossed the other's face4 ,oh1 ,i know it is quite wrong ever to let one's self get worried4 ,but then1 you see1 it always was my way to be easily upset4 ,some people are made like that2 don't you think so8 ,and other people are made quite different4 ,i don't see1 for my part1 how one is to help how one was made4 ,when things go wrong1 ,i always do get low-spirited4 ,it is very foolish1 perhaps1 but then it is my way4 ,i have been harassed half out of my senses the last week4 ,as fast as ever one trouble clears off1 another comes in its place4 ,that is what ,i find1 sighed ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,there's no sort of peace or rest in life1--nothing but worry6 ,isn't it a comfort that one trouble does clear away before another comes8 asked her caller4 ,oh well1 when it does4 ,but sometimes everything seems to come together1 all in a heap4 ,i am sure1 last winter ,i didn't know where to turn or what to do1 with the influenza and all6 ,and most likely it will be just as bad next winter4 ,the influenza is certain to come again4 ,nay6 ,why certain8 ,oh1 they say it will2 people all say so4 ,and if my husband gets it a fourth time1 ,i don't believe he will pull through4 ,i don't1 indeed6 ,he has never been the same man since those three attacks1 one on the top of another4 ,he isn't fit for his work1 and everybody says so1 but if he stops1 how in the world are we to pay our way8 ,he might take a holiday if needful4 ,still1 ,i would not in your place give much for the opinion of 'everybody4' ,what does your doctor say8 ,colin has not been to the doctor lately4 ,he doesn't want to run up bills1 but he looks so ill1 ,i quite dread to see him come in6 ,and ,ken's cough frightens me4 ,he has kept it on the whole summer1 and now we are half-way through ,september4 ,i suppose he won't lose it before the winter2 and a boy is so exposed to risks 4 4 4 ,and in the middle of all my worries1 my cook has given me warning1 just because she wants to get married4 ,it is hard1 when she suited me so nicely1 and when ,i have so many things weighing on me6 ,and my housemaid has a bad finger1 and can't do half her work 4 4 4 ,and then there is ,euphrasia4 ,what of ,euphrasia8 ,nothing wrong there surely6 ,euphrasia looks the picture of health4 ,oh1 as to health--yes1 she is well enough4 ,it isn't that1 but ,i do get so disappointed4 ,i suppose one must expect to be disappointed4 ,i did think it would be such a comfort to have a daughter at home with her education done and no lessons1 and plenty of time to help me3 and really ,euphrasia is as busy as ,flo1 and not half so pleasant4 ,it is a sort of way with her--answering so shortly1 ,i mean--but ,i always do feel hurt4 ,and then she likes her own way so much6 ,girls do1 ,i suppose1 pretty nearly always4 ,flo is different1 but then ,flo always 'was' a little angel4 ,it quite frightens me sometimes1 she is so good4 ,euphrasia does not frighten you1 apparently1 in that respect4 ,however1 girls ought not to be too busy to help their mothers4 ,oh1 ,i don't say she is4 ,she means to do right1 ,i dare say4 ,of course1 she doesn't want to neglect her duties4 ,only ,i suppose ,i'm too sensitive3 and then there is a grudging sort of manner2 not that she means it so1 ,i dare say4 ,it is only awkwardness1 only ,i can't help noticing4 ,and to have her going away already1 just when ,i was beginning to find her useful-- ,going where8 ,it's an invitation from a school friend1 ,letitia ,johnston4 ,euphrasia is so odd2 she makes hardly any friends4 ,she only has this one1 and really ,i don't know anything about the girl's family4 ,there's been a sort of promise that ,euphrasia should pay them a visit when she had done with school1 and now ,colin says we can't well refuse4 ,we had ,letitia here once for a week2 and she seemed nice1 rather4 ,but still-- ,mrs4 ,landor made no immediate answer4 ,she was a graceful woman1 over middle height1 and perhaps beyond middle age1 with hair already silvered1 and a certain innate queenliness of bearing1 not lessened by the severe plainness of her black merino dress and close gray bonnet4 ,serene eyes beneath a broad brow studied the pretty woman opposite--for ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 wife of the ,manager of ,west ,norton ,bank1 was a decidedly pretty woman still1 despite her forty years4 ,she might have been a very attractive one1 had her lips fallen habitually into less fretted curves2 had her blue eyes been habitually less full of trouble and self-condolence4 ,still if you do not feel that you can spare her-- ,i don't suppose it will make much difference4 ,she has to go some day1 and the visit may as well be got over4 ,euphrasia would not like to give it up1 and any time1 almost1 would be as bad4 ,women's lives are just made up of harass and bother4 ,are they8 queried ,mrs4 ,landor soberly4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 if ,i didn't know you quite so well1 ,i should venture to say something 4 4 4 ,one can speak more freely1 ,i think1 on some subjects as a stranger than as a friend4 ,i hope she isn't going to begin preaching1 darted through ,mrs4 ,mackenzie's mind4 ,and then came a swift recollection of innumerable kindnesses1 followed by the resolve1 ,i mustn't seem to be vexed4 ,aloud she said cautiously1 ,i should think you might say anything you liked to me6 ,then may ,i ask a question8 ,you have a good deal to say about harass and worry1 and1 of course1 life does mean a fair amount of them for most people4 ,yet there is another side of the question4 ,i wonder whether that side ever presents itself to you 4 4 4 ,when our ,lord said1 ',come unto ,me 4 4 4 and ,i will give you rest'--what do you think ,he really intended to do8 ,is absolute rest a thing compatible with perpetual mental harass8 ,for surely harass means unrest6 ,if the two are not compatible--then1 what did ,he mean8 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie was silent4 ,if ,i were you1 ,i would find an answer to that question1 continued ,mrs4 ,landor softly4 ,she was not at all a demonstrative person1 but for once she stooped and kissed the plaintive downcast face4 ,we may be sure of one thing1 that what ,christ said1 ,he meant1 and that what ,he meant was something very real and practical 4 4 4 ,perhaps the question resolves itself into not so much what ,,he means by rest1 as what 'we' mean when we ask for rest2 and whether we ever do actually take ,him at ,his word6 4 4 4 ,it seems such a pity1 if ,he is willing and waiting to give us rest1 that we don't trouble ourselves to receive it 4 4 4 ,forgive me for saying so much4 ,good-bye4 ,it's all very well1 but ,mrs4 ,landor doesn't know what life means with such an income as ours1 sighed ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,if she did1 she might have a right to speak4 ,if her husband died to-morrow1 it wouldn't make a farthing's difference to her comforts4 ,and if ,colin were to break down1 we should just be at the end of everything4 ,it's bad enough now1 trying to make both ends meet and never able to get a quarter of the things we need4 ,of course1 it is quite right to have a proper amount of trust1 but all the same one must be anxious4 ,mrs4 ,landor would in my place1 whatever she may say now4 ,and there's nobody to understand1 nor to be the least help to me4 ,colin never will talk over things till he has made up his mind what to do1 and ,euphrasia is wrapped up in her own concerns4 ,i did think ,mrs4 ,landor would give me a little sympathy1 but she is no better than anybody else4 ,i might just as well have kept it all to myself 4 4 4 ,why1 there's ,colin coming home now6 ,what can be the matter8 ,o dear6 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie ran to the front door and flung it open in a tremor of alarm4 ,a tall man of somewhat solid build1 not amounting to stoutness1 came slowly up the little garden4 ,his face1 albeit by no means handsome1 had good strong outlines1 but the complexion at this moment showed an unnatural pallor4 ,colin6 ,what has brought you back8 ,do tell me--quick6 ,is anything the matter8 ,i am so frightened6 ,oh1 make haste and speak6 ,i know something is dreadfully wrong4 ,nothing for you to be frightened about1 my dear4 ,i am merely--a little out of sorts to-day4 ,he spoke with a touch of breathlessness1 as if the walk home had been too fatiguing4 ,i'll be all right presently4 ,making his way past her into the small drawing-room1 he sat down in his favourite arm-chair4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,ii ,,euphrasia',s ,,plans ,,but what is the matter8 ,what is wrong8 exclaimed ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,why have you come home at this hour8 ,dr4 ,north was there3 and he said ,i should be better for an afternoon's rest4 ,where is ,euphrasia8 ,how should ,i know1 ,colin8 ,girls are so restless4 ,she is out somewhere walking with ,flo4 ,but ,i'm so unhappy about you6 ,i know you are going to be ill4 ,i am quite sure of it4 ,my dear1 ,i hope not4 ,pray do not talk so before the children4 ,i am not quite up to the mark just now1 perhaps4 ,then a smile dawned1 as two girls came quickly in--the elder eighteen in age1 the younger a mere child of thirteen1 and an exceedingly pretty child4 ,nobody ever called ,euphrasia pretty4 ,she had blunt manners1 and irregular features1 and no particular complexion4 ,but1 in ,mr4 ,mackenzie's opinion1 all defects were compensated for by the peculiar stedfast gleam of her gray eyes2 a gleam which1 in childhood1 had made suitable the pet name of ,little ,eyebright4 ,the name clung to her still1 though she was little no longer1 but of good medium height and rounded proportions4 ,perhaps ,mrs4 ,mackenzie had never become entirely reconciled to the fact that ,euphrasia had failed to take after herself4 ,kenred1 the only boy1 was good-looking enough to satisfy her desires3 and ,flo she was wont to describe as a perfect picture of her earlier self4 ,some people demurred privately1 counting the picture far more attractive than the original4 ,but1 poor dear ,euphrasia had nothing to boast of in the way of looks1 and this constituted one of ,mrs4 ,mackenzie's many trials in life4 ,the elder girl was commonly said to be more her father's than her mother's child4 ,she had inherited much of his ,scotch reserve1 of his ,scotch slowness in giving expression to the deeper feelings1 but she had not inherited his placid temper4 ,at times1 under pressure1 she could be stirred into vehement speech4 ,when not so stirred1 she was apt to veil her true self under a crustiness of demeanour1 which repelled some people and perplexed others4 ,it certainly stood in marked contrast with ,flo's sweet and winning ways4 ,almost everybody liked ,flo best1 and wondered how it was that the elder girl should be so different4 ,perhaps ,mr4 ,mackenzie alone in the house1 and ,mrs4 ,landor alone out of the house1 guessed the real worth of character which lay undeveloped beneath this outer crustiness4 ,is father ill8 exclaimed ,flo4 ,she came to his side and put her little hand on him caressingly4 ,we met ,mr4 ,everett1 and he said he had been bringing father home4 ,a little out of sorts1 my dear4 ,just a headache1 interrupted ,mr4 ,mackenzie4 ,colin1 you never told me that6 ,why1 ,i saw you come in alone6 ,my dear1 there was no cause for a fuss4 ,everett gave me his arm part of the way4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie did not find it needful to state how large a part of the way4 ,he was rather annoyed at this unexpected rencontre of the young clerk with his two girls1 and vexed with himself for not having warned ,everett to keep silence4 ,but somehow he had felt so confused as to be unable to think steadily4 ,it was just nothing1 he reiterated1--just a headache4 ,i'll be all right to-morrow4 ,but1 daddy1 he said-- ,flo1 do hold your tongue4 ,you are bothering father1 ,euphrasia said sharply4 ,and ,flo's sweet face flushed up1 the blue eyes filling1 like veronica blossoms full of dew4 ,really1 ,euphrasia6--,you do scold that poor darling6 remonstrated ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,nay1 nay2 nobody is going to scold anybody1 interposed her husband1 always the family peacemaker4 ,my dear1 ,i don't think we will have a discussion just now4 ,i am not just up to the mark4 ,i wonder if you could get me a nice cup of strong coffee4 ,somehow ,i think it would do me good2 and nobody makes it like you1 ,mary4 ,why1 nobody's likely to4 ,i learnt it from a ,frenchwoman1 said ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 much flattered4 ,she went off1 and ,colin ,mackenzie used the opportunity for a strict injunction4 ,nobody was to say anything that would make the little mother anxious4 ,but1 daddy dear1 'was' it true8 ,mr4 ,everett did tell us you fell right down1 and couldn't tell where you were at first4 ,and he said you looked 'awfully bad4' ,was it true8 ,flo's lips were quivering still with the rebuke she had received4 ,james ,everett is a silly boy to go and chatter4 ,i was a trifle dizzy1 ,i'll admit1 but nothing to make a fuss about1 nothing at all1 you understand4 ,i'll write a line to ,everett1 and bid him hold his tongue1 and ,ken shall take it round presently4 ,and the less you both say to your mother the better4 ,i told you so1 ,flo6 ,i said father wouldn't like you to repeat it4 ,never mind6 ,it's all right1--no harm done6 ,nobody is going to say anything more4 ,i think ,i'll lie down for an hour1 and then ,i'll be myself again4 ,mackenzie kissed ,flo and patted ,euphrasia's arm as he rose to move away4 ,the slight fluster of talk had brought again confused sensations4 ,flo1 you'd better tell mother where to take the coffee4 ,father will be upstairs4 ,then1 as she vanished1 ,euphrasia came nearer and asked1 ,is nothing the matter really8 ,not like what ,mr4 ,everett said8 ,mackenzie stood still1 leaning on the back of a tall chair4 ,i was--not just the thing1 my dear2 ,everett was not so far wrong4 ,just a passing little attack1 but ,i'm not to be counted ill2 and ,dr4 ,north hopes it will not recur4 ,i would not have your mother know1 on any account4 ,she would give herself no peace4 ,did anything happen to worry you1 father8 ,things do happen once in a way6 ,mackenzie spoke evasively4 ,and ,euphrasia1 looking straight up into his face1 read there an unwonted shadow1 as of something impending4 ,it isn't only that you are poorly1 she said decisively4 ,not only just a headache1 father4 ,something or other has gone wrong at the ,bank4 ,hush6 ,my dear6 ,i wouldn't have you overheard for anything4 ,that is not your business4 ,something of worry comes1 of course1 now and again2 and very often it means nothing--just nothing at all4 ,why should it8 ,i am not quite what ,i was since the influenza1 and a trifle too easily knocked down1 perhaps4 ,but you must not talk to people as if ,i had any special weight upon my mind4 ,be sure you do not6 ,i would not have it said for anything4 ,and ,i'll be all right in the morning4 ,i will not tell1 of course1 but of course ,i can't help seeing1 ,euphrasia answered sturdily4 ,then an impulse came1 and she acted upon it1 without pausing to consider4 ,father--would you like--would you rather--if you like1 ,i'll put off going to the ,johnstons6 ,shall ,i8 ,if you are bothered1 and would like to have me at home6 ,as she made the offer1 her heart gave a resisting bound1 and then sank low at his look of instant relief4 ,but quickly as she saw what his wish would be1 so quickly he saw what the giving up would mean to her4 ,no1 no--nonsense--not the least need4 ,have your pleasure1 ,little ,eyebright6 ,i wouldn't for the world stand in the way4 ,not for a moment6 ,no1 no2 you'll be off in two days1 and back again in a month4 ,and what is a month8 ,why1 it's just nothing6 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iii ,,some ,,cause ,,for ,,care ,,euphrasia stood close to the bay-window1 deep in thought4 ,her brows were knitted1 her eyes fixed upon the dull street1 seeing nought4 ,most of the ,west ,norton streets were dull2 and this particular row of houses1 built all upon the same fashion1 fronted by a long blank wall which enclosed ,dr4 ,north's kitchen-garden1 could not be called an exception4 ,a girl who had lived there all her life might be expected to grow used to the dulness1 but ,euphrasia had not always lived there4 ,three years at a ,brighton school1 by way of educational finish1 had made a marked break4 ,west ,norton1 after ,brighton1 wore a slumbrous aspect4 ,for the sleepiness ,euphrasia cared little4 ,she had within her young self1 life and vigour enough to counteract it4 ,what she did mind was separation from her one friend1 ,letitia ,johnston4 ,girl-like1 she had flung herself1 heart and soul1 into this friendship2 and ,letitia had grown to be the centre of her world4 ,an occasional letter by post was found to be a poor substitute for daily and hourly intercourse4 ,moreover1 ,euphrasia was suffering from the abrupt ending of school-work4 ,she had not yet found her niche in life1 and her unused energies craved for more scope than seemed at present to be within their reach4 ,a certain restlessness was upon her2 and this added to the zest with which she looked forward to the promised visit4 ,a whole month in a new place with ,letitia's unknown relatives1 above all with ,letitia herself--all this contained a promise of delight1 without a shadow4 ,euphrasia had not by nature her mother's unquiet spirit1 always expecting ills4 ,her spirit was unquiet only in the desire for more change2 and she was unsophisticated4 ,life thus far had been easy1 on the whole4 ,and now as the day drew near1 only two nights remaining between1 the question arose sharply1 ,ought she to give it up8 ,euphrasia was a girl of right principle1 and to some extent1 of subjection to duty4 ,religion in her was as yet a thing rather desired than possessed2 and the personal love for an unseen ,lord and ,master1 which cannot but result in obedience to ,his ,word1 had not yet dawned--although she wished for it4 ,she had a very distinct aim in her mind1 to do what was right1 not to be selfish1 not to be lazy4 ,but the self-pleasing will was strong1 as in most young natures--not to speak of older ones1 unless transformed under a nobler force of love4 ,she wanted very much to do her duty1 but she wanted still more to get her own way4 ,in this particular natter of the projected visit to ,letitia1 the craving to have her way was overmastering4 ,could she give up so great a delight8 ,that was the question which she asked of herself1 standing in the bay-window4 ,not so much ought she8 as could she8 ,if her parents had insisted1 she would1 of course1 have remained at home--not contentedly1 or of her own free will1 but simply because the thing had to be4 ,euphrasia appreciated the difference between such discontented submission and voluntary giving up4 ,moreover1 she knew that her parents would not insist4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie might wish1 and ,mrs4 ,mackenzie might fret1 but neither of the two would decide against her going1 so as to leave with her no further choice4 ,after all1 why should she lose the pleasure8 ,why should anything go wrong at the ,bank8 ,why should ,mr4 ,mackenzie be ill8 ,anybody might suffer from a trifling attack of indisposition2 and occasional business worries were a necessity4 ,there1 at least1 she was powerless to help4 ,to be sure1 her father did sometimes seem to find it a relief to confide in his eldest girl1 when afraid to say a word to his wife lest she should magnify his meaning tenfold1 and worry herself ill with unreasonable fears4 ,he could be sure that ,euphrasia would understand4 ,but he would not expect that she should be invariably at hand for such confiding 4 4 4 ,to be sure1 it was a very short time since her return from school1 and she had not meant to go away again so soon4 ,but the invitation had come1 and was irresistible4 ,under a momentary impulse she had offered to withdraw from the promised pleasure2 and the instant throb of fear lest her offer should be accepted1 had shown her what such withdrawal would mean4 ,each hour since had made the giving up harder to contemplate4 ,she resolved to wait through the night1 and to see how her father seemed in the morning4 ,at breakfast1 he called himself better1 and looked wretched4 ,his fixed paleness1 yet more1 his fixed look of trouble1 gave her a guilty feeling4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 rather singularly1 while noting and commenting on the former1 did not perceive the latter4 ,euphrasia was haunted through the meal by a sense of threatening trouble4 ,something surely had happened1 or was going to happen4 ,so she told herself1 and then she tried to believe the notion a mistake4 ,anything rather than allow herself to feel that she might not go4 ,he kissed ,euphrasia when starting for his day's work4 ,pack up your traps1 ,little ,eyebright4 ,you will be off to-morrow4 ,mid-day train1 is it not8 ,father1 are you really better8 ,his smile was not cheerful4 ',a man's weel or wae as he thinks himsel' sae4' ,i'm not going to be fancying myself an invalid1 till ,i grow into one4 ,if you would like me to put off my visit-- ,again the momentary gleam of half-assent1 and the quick pulling in of himself4 ,no1 no6--no need--it is best over4 ,have your pleasure while you can1 child4 ,a deep sigh was audible as he turned away4 ,then it was that ,euphrasia found her way into the bay-window1 to stand lost in thought4 ,ought ,i to go8 ,i wonder if ,i ought8 ,is it wrong8 ',must' ,i give up8 ,i don't see any real reason4 ,it may be all just nothing at all4 ,and ,letitia would be so hurt4 ,perhaps she would never ask me again4 ,that thought won the day4 ,euphrasia resolved to leave arrangements undisturbed4 ,she did not feel satisfied1 but it was something to have come to a decision of any sort2 and she went in vigorously for packing4 ,she went in also for anticipations4 ,this coming month promised to be the happiest she had ever known4 ,letitia and ,letitia's parents1 ,letitia's home1 and ,letitia's brother--,euphrasia's imagination rang the changes on these thoughts hour after hour4 ,but ever and anon rose once more the question1 ,ought ,i really to go8 ,it is settled now4 ,i can't unsettle things4 ,mother would be worried if ,i did4 ,my box is packed1 and why 'should' ,i put off8 ,it would be absurd6 ,so she made answer1 yet the little questioning voice would not be entirely put down4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie1 as an ordinary rule1 came home to early dinner1 but once in a way1 if very busy1 he would take lunch at a confectioner's close by4 ,on this day they saw no more of him till the evening1 and then his gray shadowed look sent a fresh thrill through the girl4 ,ought ,i to go8 the voice asked again4 ,oh1 but ,i can't give it up now1 she cried within herself4 ,now6 ,how can ,i8 ,just when everything is settled6 ,oh1 ,i can't6 ,and so the evening passed1 till bed-time drew near4 ,euphrasia1 my dear1 ,i should rather wish--,i should like a few words with you4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie's voice broke into a half-happy1 half-uneasy dream4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie was upstairs1 called away by some domestic appeal2 and ,flo had retired with ,ken to the dining-room1 where he prepared his lessons4 ,not here1 ,i think4 ,your mother will be back directly4 ,no4 ,she said she would be more than half-an-hour4 ,nobody will interrupt us just now4 ,his face worked uneasily1 the muscles twitching1 the eyes sombre4 ,i should like to say--something4 ,it would be a--something of a relief to me4 ,for yourself alone1 mind--absolutely for yourself alone4 ,not a word to anyone4 ,father1 you can trust me4 ,you know ,i would never repeat a single thing4 ,euphrasia drew her chair a little nearer1 and his hand came on hers4 ,how hot you are6 she said involuntarily4 ,no1 my dear1 you never repeat things4 ,i am quite aware6 ,you are a good child6 4 4 4 ,perhaps ,i am not wise to speak1 but this burden on me-- ,what burden8 ,a sense of coming calamity4 ,and if ,i do not speak now--if ,i should never have another opportunity-- ,never--'what1' father8 ,a spasm of terror almost deprived her of utterance4 ,my dear1 nobody ever knows4 ,nobody can tell4 ,anything might happen before you come home4 ,a whole month6 ,nations have changed owners in less than a month6 ,and he laughed faintly4 ,but in ,west ,norton--what 'could' happen8 ,i don't understand what you mean6 ,i am--not wise1 perhaps4 ,looking forward and expecting ill is not a sensible occupation4 ,but the feeling overpowers me at times4 ,it has been upon me so strongly of late--a constant sense of coming trouble4 ,i can hardly define what ,i mean2 it weighs me to the ground6 ,and it will come true6 ,the last few words were almost whispered4 ,euphrasia's heart beat thickly4 ,then it is not only a feeling4 ,it is something that you really know1 something going wrong at the ,bank4 ,hush6 ,hush6 and he glanced round apprehensively4 ,you must not suggest such things4 ,he held one hand over his brow4 ,i wish my head did not feel as it does of late4 ,but that is a small matter4 ,if ,i could only think-- ,father1 what is wrong really8 ,did ,i say--anything was8 ,yes4 ,you meant it4 ,another anxious look round4 ,euphrasia went to the door and demonstrated the fact of its being fast shut4 ,then she returned to his side1 standing close and speaking low4 ,please tell me4 ,i will not talk4 ,i will not repeat a word4 ,only tell me what you mean4 ,he hid his face1 groaned1 and said1 ,everything is going4 ,not the ,bank6 ,hush6 ,father--do you mean--is 'that' going to fail8 ,he laid his large hot hand again on her little plump one1 and held it in a grasp which gave positive pain4 ,euphrasia endured the pain without flinching4 ,as she stood thus1 waiting1 listening to the loud ticks of the clock1 watching the veins swollen on her father's forehead1 she had a strange sense of growing older fast1 of each minute being almost as a year in her existence1 of all remnants of childhood slipping from her4 ,whatever her father's mood might imply1 it certainly implied something serious4 ,a mutter came at length1 hoarse and low1 ,loss of everything4 ,for 'us8' ,he moved his head in silent assent4 ,when8 ,how8 ,i cannot tell4 ,i see it looming4 ,and nothing can be done to keep it off8 ,nothing whatever4 ,she crept closer1 and caught her breath audibly4 ,hush6 ,if your mother comes in-- ,must she not know8 ,not a day earlier than need be6 4 4 4 ,it will kill us both6 4 4 4 ,let her be happy a little longer4 ,his haggard eyes looked into ,euphrasia's4 ,i do not know why ,i have told you--such a child as you are6 ,it does no good4 ,i have been selfish to speak4 ,poor father6 ,euphrasia's voice was seldom so tender4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie was stirred by it to strong emotion4 ,he hid his face4 ,poor ,euphrasia6 ,poor little ,eyebright6 ,they will say ,i have been a bad father to you all6 ,but--not from want of love6 ,oh1 no6 ,don't say that6 ,don't talk so1 please6 ,the dearest and best of fathers6 ,please don't say such things4 ,i can't go to-morrow4 ,i'll stay at home4 ,no1 my dear4 ,you must go4 ,i can't6 ,how can ,i8 ,there will be no pleasure in it at all--now4 ,you must4 ,we could give no reason4 ,i would not have this guessed for anything6 ,i do not know how ,i have come to say so much4 ,it has been foolish--selfish of me6 ,to spoil your pleasure for no good4 ,but the burden seemed more than ,i could endure alone4 ,i'm glad you told me4 ,she wondered vaguely--might not some word of trust be helpful here8 ,people had to trust in trouble4 ,mrs4 ,landor would say so at once4 ,but the trouble seemed so real1 and the trust so dim4 ,euphrasia could not feel conscious of anything like real trust within herself2 and how then might she advise another to exercise it8 ,no1 all she could do was to give up going away1 and stay at home1 to be1 if possible1 some little comfort to him4 ,but she strove in vain4 ,his will was as a flint in opposition4 ,the dread lest anything might in consequence be guessed overmastered all other considerations4 ,to ,euphrasia the fear seemed unreasonable1 but she had no power to make him see as she saw4 ,if you had decided against it earlier--of your own will--before ,i spoke1 that would have been different1 he said once1 wistfully4 ,and a stab of self-reproach shot through the girl1 for she knew now that conscience had spoken plainly1 and that she had refused to listen4 ,but not since ,i have spoken--not on any account6 ,i could not permit it6 ,when she pleaded further1 a look of distress and confusion came4 ,i cannot stand discussion4 ,you must go1 my dear1 and enjoy yourself4 ,nothing can alter the plan now4 ,euphrasia's train was not until after mid-day4 ,and an early message from ,mrs4 ,landor intimated that a good-bye call was expected at the ,rectory4 ,i told you she would not be pleased if you didn't go1 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie observed4 ,mother1 ,i was there the day before yesterday4 ,well1 you must run round again now4 ,there's no need to stay long1 and your packing is finished4 ,mrs4 ,landor was always especially kind to ,euphrasia1 treating her in some sort as she would have treated a favourite niece4 ,she had no nieces1 and she had known ,little ,eyebright from infancy4 ,euphrasia gave much quiet love to ,mrs4 ,landor--a steady affection1 without romance1 but reliable4 ,although ,lady of the ,manor1 ,mrs4 ,landor had1 since her marriage some ten or twelve years earlier1 lived always at the ,rectory4 ,her own house lay at a good distance--inconveniently far for the clergyman4 ,so it was let to strangers1 and she quietly devoted herself to ,parish work4 ,some people thought and whispered that ,mrs4 ,landor's affairs had become involved1 and that her wealth was by no means what it once had been4 ,she seldom spoke of her own affairs1 however1 and conjecture went no further4 ,did you mean to flit without one word to me8 ,mrs4 ,landor asked1 when the girl came slowly in4 ,it was not ,euphrasia's way to go about with lagging step1 and ,mrs4 ,landor noted the change instantly4 ,then she saw a look in the young face not commonly there1 and she put aside the work over which she was busy1 motioning ,euphrasia to a seat by her side4 ,euphrasia did not take it4 ,she went to a chair at a little distance1 resolutely reticent in air4 ,mrs4 ,landor would see1 of course1 that something was wrong1 for ,mrs4 ,landor always saw everything1 and ,euphrasia knew that she must guard her words carefully4 ,it was so natural to tell ,mrs4 ,landor all that was in her mind1 and here she might not do so4 ,she had an odd feeling that distance meant greater safety4 ,but ,mrs4 ,landor quietly moved to the nearest sofa1 so she gained nothing4 ,mother said ,i was to come4 ,against your will1 child8 ,mrs4 ,landor scrutinised the grave face4 ,it is not a question of ',little ,eyebright' to-day4 ,those eyes have been awake nearly all night4 ,what have you been doing with yourself8 ,one glance answered1 quickly veiled4 ,some little matter that you do not want to tell me8 ,girls have their troubles1 have they not8 ,don't make too much of it1 whatever it may be4 ,yours is not1 ,i think1 a peculiarly anxious temperament1 but most of us possess some power of self-worrying4 ,i don't think-- ,euphrasia failed to complete her sentence4 ,you are pleased1 on the whole1 to go to your friend4 ,i didn't want to give it up4 ,not even if your mother wanted you at home8 ,but my father says ,i must go4 ,i did offer--last night4 ,ah6 ,that alters the question4 ,a pause2 and then--,euphrasia1 what is the matter with your father8 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iv ,,for ,,one',s ,,good ,,the question came abruptly1 though uttered in gentle tones4 ,it took ,euphrasia by surprise4 ,a wave of colour crimsoned her face to the hair-roots1 and then fled1 leaving her white4 ,mrs4 ,landor watched with quiet attention4 ,she could do so1 since the downcast eyes were not raised4 ,i see4 ,he has been talking things over with you4 ,no2 you need not answer4 ,i am asking no questions4 ,perhaps1 a little mistake on your father's part4 ,the best of men make occasional mistakes4 ,he does not quite realise what a child you are4 ,i don't feel like a child4 ,children seldom do4 ,you will feel younger when you are really older 4 4 4 ,but of course he does not realise--how should he8 ,and he has not been the same man since last winter4 ,a sort of nervous disorganisation about him4 ,he ought to go abroad for a few weeks1 and get shaken out of it 4 4 4 ,he has been telling you of some little business worry or other2 and in his present state1 it has grown to ,brobdingnagian proportions4 ,the mole-hill is to your mind a veritable mountain4 ,i must not repeat-- ,not a word4 ,i wouldn't have you do so1 on any account4 ,confidence is sacred1 from anyone--from a father or mother especially so1 if there can be any 'especial' in connection with what is absolute4 ',i' shall not repeat even my own conjecture to any human being4 ,be sure of that6 4 4 4 ,but ,i do not wish ,little ,eyebright to leave home with so sad a face4 ,it's not needful1 child4 ,things will come right4 ,will they8 ,euphrasia looked with unbelieving eyes at her friend4 ,how can you tell8 ,things don't always come right4 ,not with everybody4 ,that may be4 ,it depends-- ,does it8 ,euphrasia seemed to take the rest of the unspoken sentence for granted4 ,if people are good enough1 you mean4 ,but nobody can be more good than my father4 ,and that does not mean that everything must always come right with him4 ,i think it does4 ',we know that all things work together for good to them that love ,god4' ,we 'know' so much1 with a certain knowledge4 ,if he loves ,god1 then all things must and will work together for his good4 ,whether that is exactly what you mean by 'things coming right1' ,i cannot say4 ,it is what ,i mean4 ,a certain girlish resistance was in the other's face4 ,not easy to grasp1 at your age1 perhaps4 ,i don't see how that would make trouble any the less hard to bear4 ,trouble is meant to be trouble2 and you must not expect it to be aught else4 ,the knowledge that it is to work utterly and absolutely for our good1 ought to make it less hard to bear4 ,it wouldn't1 with me4 ,i should want the trouble taken away1--just the same4 ,i hate things going all crooked4 ,it's so miserable4 ,i suppose ,i ought not to talk so--but--,i'd rather be without the trouble1 and without the good of it too4 ,you may say what you think to me4 ,probably many of us feel so at times1 in our ignorance of what we wish4 ,to be 'without the good' 'might' imply such awful loss in the future1--yet of course we don't understand4 ,and ,god knows that we don't4 ,mercifully ,he doesn't punish us by taking us at our word1 and treating us according to our folly4 ,after all1 it is just ,father and child over again1 as we see the relationship daily4 ,the father1 knowing best and loving most1 bent on the child's happiness1 and willing at any cost to himself1 to give present pain for future good4 ,the child bent on present ease and enjoyment1 not able to understand the discipline it has to bear1 or to look ahead 4 4 4 ,what do you say8 ,yes1 cost to the child1 no doubt1 but greater cost to ,himself3 because the pain of giving pain is more severe to a loving nature than that of receiving pain6 4 4 4 ,there is nothing for it but trust1 where we cannot see4 ,,he deals with us commonly according to the measure of our trust1 responding more when we expect more1 and less when we expect less4 ,euphrasia seemed to be lost in thought4 ,when she spoke1 it was to put a question4 ,do you mean that if--if ,i saw a trouble coming--and if ,i prayed that it might not come1 and felt quite sure it would not--do you mean that that would keep it off8 ,a rather odd expression crossed ,mrs4 ,landor's face4 ,you couldn't do it1 child4 ,euphrasia's look fell4 ,such a prayer in itself would be presumptuous1 unless prayed in submission1 and then1 of course1 the mode of answer would be doubtful4 ,if you resolved wilfully to pray that the trouble might at all hazards be kept off1 you could not make yourself believe that it inevitably 'would' be kept off4 ,i thought1 sometimes1 people were so sure about getting an answer4 ,people may be absolutely sure1 always1 about getting an answer1 but not about getting the particular answer which they would choose for themselves 4 4 4 ,i don't say there are no exceptional cases4 ,sometimes a trouble threatens to come1 and the child turns to his ,father for help2 and an instant assurance is whispered to him that the trial shall not come4 ,then it does not come 4 4 4 ,but ,i doubt if such assurance is ever given to one wilfully insisting in prayer on having--',not ,thy will but mine4' ,it is not for us to dictate to ,god3 only to ask4 ,then ,i don't see the good of praying1 ,euphrasia broke out passionately4 ,one might just as well let it alone4 ,she gazed again with rebellious eyes1 expecting to see signs of indignation1 but she could detect nothing beyond pity4 ,poor child6 the elder lady said softly4 ,wait a little while1 till you know ,him better6 ,then you will find the difference between bearing your own burden and putting it off into ,his hands4 ,something of the same thought came to ,euphrasia that had come to her mother4 ,if ,mrs4 ,landor expected to lose everything1 would she feel so1 'then8' ,the question found half-expression in a murmured1 ,it is easy to talk-- ,for people who have not the trouble themselves4 ,yes1 ,i dare say it seems so4 ,it must1 naturally4 ,you know your own troubles1 and you don't know mine4 ,perhaps you would even say that ,i had none4 ,if it were so1 my dear1 remember that the highest honour ,god can put upon one of ,his children is1 perhaps1 to 'leave' that child in the dark1 that he may trust without being able to see4 ,euphrasia's glance was uncomprehending4 ,try at least to think what a splendid thing it is to have such a ,friend as ,christ to hold one's hand1 and to shape one's life4 ,if ,he includes some pain in the shaping1 it is because we need the pain4 ,better to accept what ,he brings1 bravely and without murmuring4 ,i don't mean for a moment that we may not pray against coming trouble4 ,we ought to pray1 and to be confident of an answer4 ,only we may not dictate the manner of answer4 ,i can't see the good of praying if the trouble is to come just the same4 ,it does not come 'just the same4' ,if it comes1 it comes differently1 or we are made able to meet it differently4 ,my dear1 try for yourself1 urged ,mrs4 ,landor1 her slender hand resting on the girl's sunburnt fingers4 ,only try1 and prove for yourself how kind and true a ,master ,he is4 ,he will not be dictated to1 but ,he does love to be appealed to4 ,only put your worries straight off into ,his ,hands1 and ask ,him to arrange everything for the best4 ,if your experience in life is to be at all the same as mine has been1 you will constantly be amazed at the manner of answer that comes1 so simple and direct4 ,very often so exactly the thing that you have asked and wished for4 ,i don't say it 'will' be the same4 ,god does not treat us as patients were treated in olden hospitals--laid us in rows1 to receive the same doses of medicine all round4 ,each case needs its own treatment1 and each case gets it4 ,but one thing ,i do know1 that you will never turn to ,him in vain4 ,some people don't seem to get such answers4 ,do they expect such answers1 ,euphrasia8 ,mrs4 ,landor had no reply to her question4 ,half to herself1 yet distinctly1 she quoted1-- ',if our love were but more simple1 ,we should take ,him at ,his ,word3 ,and our lives would be all sunshine ,in the sweetness of our ,lord4' ,all sunshine doesn't mean no clouds1 but it does mean sunlight between and through the clouds 4 4 4 ,still1 answers are sometimes long delayed4 ,that again may be the higher honour put upon us4 ,we test a rope more or less severely1 according to our belief in the strength of the rope4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,v ,,the ,,johnston ,,family ,,where is ,letitia8 ,i can't imagine what has become of her4 ,that girl will be here directly1 and it will seem so rude1 if ,letitia is out4 ,somebody ought to have met her in ,bristol1 but really ,i have not known how to arrange it2 and ,letitia never thinks of anything4 ,except it be a thing that she wants for herself1 chimed in ,howard ,johnston1 a rather handsome and severe-looking young man1 busy at a side writing-table in the large drawing-room4 ,it was an upstairs drawing-room1 after the manner of the big old-fashioned ,royal ,york ,crescent houses in ,clifton2 and its front windows overlooked the lengthy crescent-shaped stone terrace which partly hid from sight the road below4 ,girls always think of themselves first4 ,what can you expect8 ,i'm sure she is welcome to do what she likes1 generally4 ',i' don't expect my children to put themselves out for me1 declared ,mrs4 ,johnston complacently1 from the depths of a luxurious chair4 ,but ,i do think she ought to have managed to meet her friend4 ,she knows that ,i meant to send her down in a cab with ,jerrold--and ,i didn't see the use of ,jerrold going alone4 ,she would never have managed to stumble on the right person4 ,jerrold is all very well as a maid1 but she is stupid about that sort of thing4 ,it might have been more polite to make the effort4 ,do you think so8 ,but really ,i have been so busy1 ,i am afraid it slipped my memory4 ,letitia should have seen to things4 ,at all events1 she ought to have managed to come home in time4 ,no doubt the young lady knows ,letitia too well to be astonished at anything4 ,but ,i have never seen her1 and she knows none of us except ,letitia4 ,it was so provoking that she should accept the invitation just now4 ,almost any other time would have been better4 ,so much going on in ,clifton6 ,and1 of course1 we can't take ,miss ,mackenzie everywhere4 ,people haven't always spare space2 and ,i don't even know yet whether she is presentable2 and ,letitia can't be perpetually leaving her4 ,it is provoking4 ,letitia said we were bound to ask her before winter because it has always been a promise4 ,i am sure ,i shouldn't have remembered1 but ,i suppose ,i did say something once1 and ,letitia seems to have made the most of it4 ,so absurd of her4 ,and ,i suppose the girl will stay a month at least4 ,country people of that sort have no notion of paying a short visit4 ,make some other arrangement1 and tell her the room won't be free after a certain date4 ,my dear boy1 how can ,i8 ,letitia has asked her for a month4 ',it was always promised1' she says4 ,promised6 ,for whose sake8 ,i'm sure ,i don't know4 ,letitia 'used' to wish it4 ,well--if ,letitia undertakes her-- ,but that is the very thing6 ,i believe ,letitia would be as glad to be off it as ,i should be4 ,of course they were very good friends at school1 but that is another matter4 ,it isn't really that ,letitia 'wants' her now1 only she feels bound4 ,i don't suppose ,miss ,mackenzie is anything particular--not pretty1 or clever1 and she doesn't sing or play1 and her father is only the manager of a little country branch bank4 ,for my part1 ,i can't imagine what made ,letitia take to her2 only girls do like to have a fuss made about themselves1 and it is plain that ,miss ,mackenzie has an immense admiration for ,letitia4 ,that's how it has been4 ,and at school1 as ,i say1 it was all very well4 ,letitia was glad of anything to pass the time4 ,but here it is different4 ,she has any amount of friends2 and really1 between ourselves1 ,i believe she would have been glad if ,miss ,mackenzie had put off coming4 ,only1 in a sort of way1 ,letitia is conscientious1 you know1 and she declared we had to ask the girl4 ,conscientious 'in a sort of way6' ,i should think her sense of obligation might extend so far as to include a kind welcome4 ,oh1 of course6 ,letitia means to be as kind as possible4 ,she always does4 ,i don't say the child isn't a little scrap spoilt1 but she really has very nice manners--generally4 ,of course she will take ,miss ,mackenzie about1 and make it a pleasant visit4 ,only it really is 'rather' a bore for poor dear ,letitia because ,i don't suppose ,euphrasia ,mackenzie will suit ,letitia's friends in the least4 ,and a month is a long time4 ,if it were only a week or ten days1 one could manage better4 ,but it can't be helped4 ,that sort of thing has to be endured4 ,letitia ought to have been more cautious with her promises4 ,i do wish she would come in first of the two4 ,letitia failed to do so4 ,at this very moment she was seated in a friend's house1 deeply interested in a certain discussion of plans1 and oblivious of the hour4 ,at this very moment ,euphrasia was driving alone into the road below the ,royal ,york ,crescent4 ,she had not expected to find nobody waiting for her at the big noisy ,bristol station4 ,euphrasia was not yet much of a traveller4 ,you will be met1 of course1 her mother had said1 on seeing her off4 ,and though capable of managing for herself1 she did look out1 with eagerness amounting to certainty1 for ,letitia's pretty face1 as the train drew up4 ,but no ,letitia was there6 ,euphrasia wasted some little time gazing blankly about1 before she could make up her mind to the reality4 ,then she secured a porter and found her luggage1 not a little hurt at the apparent coldness4 ,something might unexpectedly have happened to keep ,letitia away--still1 ,euphrasia felt that it must have been a very serious something which should have sufficed to keep her away1 if ,letitia had been coming to her home4 ,and if she could not come herself1 she might have sent somebody1 thought ,euphrasia1 during the long drive through ,bristol1 and up a ,bristol hill1 into ,clifton4 ,the cabman presently pulled up and leant over for a word4 ,will you get out at the lower door1 or at the steps8 ,lower door6 ,royal ,york ,crescent is a terrace1 ,miss4 ,the luggage 'll have to go in at the lower door1 but there's steps up to the terrace1 if you'd sooner go in at the front door4 ,euphrasia forlornly decided to cling to her luggage1 and the cab drove on4 ,then the lower door was reached4 ,and ,euphrasia found herself1 inwardly quaking1 in a long stone passage--kitchen regions1 plainly4 ,the maid led to a flight of stairs1 by means of which they gained the hall4 ,but this was only the ground-floor1 ordinarily considered1 level with the terrace4 ,here were dining-room and library1 while for the drawing-room yet another climb was needful4 ,country-bred ,euphrasia1 used to two little sitting-rooms on a level with earth's surface1 found this a somewhat breathless experience4 ,she grew each instant more heated1 bewildered and embarrassed4 ,one glimpse of ,letitia would have set all right1 but no ,letitia appeared4 ,had her coming been forgotten8 ,was she really not expected8 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vi ,,euphrasia',s ,,friend ,,miss ,,mackenzie1 announced the man1 who had taken the place of the maid on the front door level4 ,euphrasia cast a hungry glance round the drawing-room as she entered1 and she found there no ,letitia4 ,not even when1 advancing farther1 she obtained a view of the smaller back part1 at first hidden4 ,the disappointment was so keen as actually to bring a threatening of something like tears4 ,reserved ,euphrasia was by no means always so reserved as she liked to count herself4 ,she had to clench her gloved hands1 and to set her teeth4 ,a young man1 seated at a side writing-table1 stood up1 and the lady beyond made a half motion1 as of intent to do the same1 but did not actually raise herself4 ,perhaps the object seemed hardly worth the exertion4 ,she held out a hand of welcome1 however1 smiling in a lavish style4 ,how do you do1 ,miss ,mackenzie8 ,quite well1 ,i hope8 ,and not very tired with your long journey6 ,travelling really is most fatiguing1 is it not8 ,we are delighted to have you at last in our midst4 ,mrs4 ,johnston's eyes ran all over ,euphrasia1 taking careful stock of her exterior1 and farther than the exterior those eyes had no power to penetrate4 7,dear me6 ,what a very ordinary girl6 decided the lady4 ,what 'could' have made ,letitia ever take a fancy to her8 ,such a jacket6 ,and no manner at all67 ,it's really most unfortunate that ,letitia should have been prevented from meeting you at the station4 ,bristol is such a bustling place that she fully meant to be there1 but she found it impossible1 ,i suppose1 to get back in time4 ,letitia has so many engagements1 and ,clifton is such a busy place1 always something going on4 ,i never can count upon her now for anything4 ,one lives in a perpetual rush4 7,has the girl nothing to say8 ,does she mean to stand and stare for an hour87 ,pray sit down1 ,miss ,mackenzie4 ,yes1 that chair please1 ,howard4 ,my son1--no doubt ,letitia has mentioned her brothers to you4 ,girls always talk over their home-people together1 don't they8 ,and you and she are great friends1 ,i know--'immense' friends4 ,letitia has so often spoken of the pleasure of having you here4 ,letitia is rather more given to speech than action1 remarked ,howard4 ,oh1 that is too bad--poor dear ,letitia6 ,when she isn't present to defend herself6 ,but ,miss ,mackenzie and ,i know better4 ,of course ,letitia has her little faults--what girl has not8--and sometimes she may even forget to look at her watch when she has an important engagement on hand1 but she would never be willingly neglectful of anybody4 ,i'm really afraid she must have forgotten the hour this afternoon1 but she will be back directly4 ,we shall see her in a minute or two2 and ,i know how distressed she will feel at her own carelessness4 7,i declare1 the girl has not uttered one single syllable1 good1 bad or indifferent6 ,is she a dummy8 ,i'll try a direct question67 ,have you had a pleasant journey8 ,yes1 thanks4 ,euphrasia gazed with combative eyes at the speaker2 eyes which had to be combative1 if they would escape being tearful4 ,chilly1 ,i should imagine4 ,i don't mind cold4 ,euphrasia spoke curtly4 ,ah6 ,so different from me6 ,now1 cold quite shrivels me up1 positively kills me6 ,but you are young and vigorous4 ,have you ever seen ,clifton before8 ,no1 never4 7,and ,i shall not stay long to see it now1 thought ,euphrasia4 ,if only ,i had not come67 ,a very pretty place1 you know4 ,delightful walks and drives4 ,letitia must take you across the downs1 and into the ,leigh ,woods4 ,euphrasia was silent4 ,ah1 here is the child at last6 ,mrs4 ,johnston spoke in a tone of relief1 feeling that her share of responsibility was ended4 ,my dear1 you have been most thoughtless6 ,your friend has arrived in your absence1 and you know that you were to have gone down to the station4 ,i had looked upon that as a settled matter4 ,miss ,mackenzie must have thought you quite unkind1 really 'most' unkind1 letting her come among us as a perfect stranger4 ,but of course you could not help it6 ,letitia entered slowly--a pretty girl1 prettily dressed--with a thundercloud of annoyance on her brow4 ,no confirmation came from her of the last assertion--no disclaimer from ,euphrasia of the preceding4 ,a mechanical kiss was exchanged between the friends1 and ,letitia stood gazing into the fireplace1 wrapped up in her own thoughts4 ,mrs4 ,johnston glanced from the one downcast face to the other1 uncomfortably aware of something out of joint4 ,where have you been1 my dear8 ,to the ,fearings6--shortly4 ,lady ,fearing8 ,yes1 of course6 ,you knew6 ,i told you ,i was going there6 ,the tone spoke of ill-temper1 and was1 to say the least1 disrespectful4 ,that her friend had a temper1 as the saying goes1 ,euphrasia was aware1 but she had not before seen precisely this form of it4 ,at school ,letitia had been in wholesome subjection1 and such a tone to the principal1 or to any of the teachers1 would not have been tolerated for a moment4 ,at home the spoilt manner of a spoilt child was at once reassumed1 but it came upon ,euphrasia with a shock4 ,she was not herself peculiarly sympathetic in manner to her own mother1 but at least she never showed disrespect4 ,well1 you may have told me1 ,letitia1 but ,i am sure ,i don't remember4 ,so many things are always coming up4 ,lady ,fearing asked me to call1 and ,i told you ,i had to go and couldn't get back early4 ,you 'might' have remembered1 ,letitia continued curtly4 ,and it's most provoking4 ,lady ,fearing wants me to go to ,bath with her and ,cecy next week for three or four nights--to one of the hotels4 ,we should go everywhere and see everything4 ,it would be so delightful4 ,of course1 ,i said ,i could not1 but-- ,no1 of course not1 assented ,mrs4 ,johnston1 with a warning glance1 which had more effect on ,euphrasia than on ,letitia4 ,letitia sighed1 and dangled one of her gloves to and fro with a dismal air4 ,of all things ,i should have loved it1 she murmured4 ,why should you not go8 asked ,euphrasia4 ,oh1 why--of course-- uttered ,letitia1 half-ashamed4 ,it would not be convenient4 ,entirely out of the question4 ,mrs4 ,johnston launched another reproachful glance4 ,she might be as much disappointed as ,letitia at the impossibility1 and she was not delighted at first sight with her daughter's friend1 nevertheless1 she knew what politeness required of them both4 ,then it is not because of my being here for a few days8 ,that need make no difference4 ,i shall be going home early next week4 ,oh1 nonsense--why1 you promised us a month at least4 ,letitia was beginning to get a glimpse of herself from outside1 and to realise the rudeness into which temper had betrayed her4 ,i don't think ,i promised anything4 ,i have only come for a 'very' few days4 ,my father isn't well1 and ,i almost put off coming altogether4 ,oh1 well--of course that makes a difference4 ,i mean1 ,i am very sorry he isn't well4 ,what is the matter with him8 ,but you wouldn't like to be long away1 if he is poorly4 ,and then1 of course-- ,my dear1 ,i think you had better show ,miss ,mackenzie to her room4 ,tea will be up in a few minutes1 and ,miss ,mackenzie may be glad to remove her hat4 ,euphrasia made no objection4 ,she was upheld by a consciousness of having acted her part well4 ,she certainly 'would' go home--if not before ,sunday1 then immediately after4 ,at home she was wanted1 here she was not wanted4 ,a glow of affection for the dear little home crept over her as she walked silently in ,letitia's rear2 and she wondered how she could ever have been so eager to leave it4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vii ,,friends ,,and ,,friends ,a ,,pang came as ,euphrasia remembered her father's forecast of loss and change1 and she wondered how long the little home would still be theirs4 ,how small other matters seemed by comparison6 ,and yet ,i 'did' think ,letitia really loved me6 ,i didn't think she could be like this6 the girl said voicelessly4 ,the cloud had cleared from ,letitia's brow and she tripped lightly upstairs showing the way4 ,once she paused to slip her arm within ,euphrasia's in the old affectionate style1 but there was no response4 ,why1 ,euphrasia6 ,you are not vexed with me1 are you8 ,euphrasia made no answer till the question was repeated4 ,i don't know1 she said then1 slowly4 ,perhaps not--exactly--vexed6 ,only ,i thought you really wanted to have me1 and now ,i see it was a mistake4 ,you dear old goosie6 ,nonsense1 ,euphrasia6 ,what 'can' have put such an absurd notion into your head8 ,not want you6 ,of course ,i want you4 ,i wanted you to stay a whole month--you know ,i did4 ,only you are very glad ,i cannot4 ,really1 ,euphrasia1 you are too ridiculous6 ,what nonsense6 ,of course if your father isn't well1 you are right to go home4 ,that is another matter4 ,i shouldn't be right to try and keep you4 ,and then you will be free to go to ,bath6 ,oh1 that--as to that1 ,i shall see6 ,other things might prevent4 ,i may not go1 anyhow4 ,it just depends6 ,of course1 ,i should like it1 and ,i don't see why you should mind6 ,anybody would like such a treat1 and anybody would be provoked when things don't fit in properly4 ,but my wanting to go there doesn't mean that ,i don't want to have you here too4 ,euphrasia shook her head1 almost imperceptibly4 ,why1 they can all tell you that ,i have talked for months of your visit4 ,but of course ,i have other friends too4 ,and ,cecy ,fearing is the very dearest girl6 ,if you knew her1 you wouldn't wonder at me4 ,i quite understand1 ,euphrasia answered1 standing gravely near the dressing-table4 ,by this time they were in the little bedroom4 ,well1 ,i hope you are not going to have any more fancies4 ,you ought to know me better by this time4 ,do you think you can find your way downstairs8 ,shall ,i send the maid to help you unpack8 ,no8 ,you dear piece of independence6 ,tea will be up in a few minutes1 and there's something ,i 'must' do first4 ,but don't be long coming down4 ,letitia hurried off1 plainly eager to be free2 and ,euphrasia gazed solemnly out of the window1 seeing nothing4 ,father would say that one has to learn what the world is like4 ,and ,mrs4 ,landor would call this being dsillusionne4 ,i did think ,i had one real friend in ,letitia1 and now ,i find ,i have not6 ,perhaps it is a good thing to find out early1 not to be long deceived4 ,she seemed so different at school4 ,but everything was different there4 ,these ,fearings--why1 they are quite new people4 ,letitia didn't know them three months ago4 ,and yet she would rather be with them than with me4 ,but they are somebodies and ,i am a nobody4 ,euphrasia laughed faintly4 ,one may be quite as proud of being a ,nobody as of being a ,somebody1 but she did not know this4 ,anyhow1 ,i am not going to make a goose of myself1 or to let them see that ,i care4 ,my father being poorly is excuse enough for me to hurry home4 ,i shall not write to-night1 because ,i might say too much4 ,but to-morrow morning ,i'll tell him plainly that ,letitia is not the friend ,i thought her1 and that ,i'm not really wanted here1 and so ,i mean to go home on ,monday or ,tuesday4 ,only he must not think that ,i am letting out anything he said to me4 ,i shall have to be careful4 ,meanwhile ,letitia ran downstairs1 and was greeted in the drawing-room by a-- ,really1 ,letitia--6 ,it's all right1 mother4 ,she's obliged to go home in a hurry because of her father6 ,so now ,i can go to ,bath4 ,you will do nothing of the kind1 ,mrs4 ,johnston said1 for once seriously displeased4 ,i would not on any account have ,miss ,mackenzie hurried away in such a fashion1 just for your convenience4 ,of course ,i should like you to be in ,bath with ,lady ,fearing1 but ,i will not have a guest treated with rudeness1 and that would be positive rudeness4 ,she says she has to go home4 ,nonsense1 my dear4 ,could you not see for yourself8 ,of course she felt bound to say so1 when you showed so plainly what you wanted4 ,but after asking her here for a month--really it was too bad1 and ,howard says the same4 ,if you choose to make foolish promises to your friends1 you must take the consequences4 ,nobody else wanted her1 but now she is here1 she will stay--at all events for ten days or a fortnight4 ,i don't believe a word about her father's health4 ,why did she not mention it in writing8 ,i don't see why she should4 ,letitia spoke sullenly4 ,anybody else would see4 ,which day do the ,fearings go to ,bath8 ,tuesday4 ,to stay till ,friday or ,saturday4 ,then it is out of the question4 ,you must give up all idea of such a thing4 ,mrs4 ,johnston spoke with unwonted decision4 ,it can't be1 and that is the long and short of the matter4 ,a few minutes later ,euphrasia made her appearance4 ,she would not remain long upstairs4 ,she did not wish for solitude or time to think1 and she was especially desirous not to show signs of affront4 ,such signs would be tantamount to an avowal that her father's indisposition was not the real1 or at all events not the sole cause of her shortened visit4 ,and it 'shall' be short1 she told herself resolutely4 ,letitia's face showed a fresh phase of affairs1 which at first perplexed ,euphrasia4 ,tea was come1 and ,mrs4 ,johnston while dispensing it talked continuously1 to cover her daughter's silence4 ,euphrasia made necessary answers1 not hearing half that was said1 till the words caught her attention3 ,next ,wednesday ,letitia shall take you4 ,the where had doubtless been explained before4 ,thank you1 she said at once1 but ,i shall not be here on ,wednesday4 ,mrs4 ,johnston laughed4 ,indeed1 ,miss ,mackenzie1 we shall not let you off so early4 ,if a whole month is impossible1 a fortnight is the least we can be content with4 ,thank you4 ,it is very kind4 ,euphrasia's eyes went straight to ,letitia's face1 and lingered there for two seconds4 ,but ,i must go home on ,monday or ,tuesday4 ,not later than ,tuesday4 ,no1 indeed6 ,i really could not consent4 ,i shall write to your father myself1 and ask him if it is necessary4 ,mrs4 ,johnston spoke with an air of pleasant determination4 ,i do not think he can be so ill as not to spare you for a short time4 ,as for ,letitia's absurd notion about ,bath1 pray do not let that trouble you4 ,the plan is absolutely out of the question4 ,it makes no difference4 ,i must go on ,monday or ,tuesday4 ,a smile of dissent answered1 and ,mrs4 ,johnston put the matter aside1 as if further discussion were superfluous4 ,since ,letitia would not exert herself1 ,mrs4 ,johnston did1 and the next hour was made as pleasant to ,euphrasia as could be possible under the circumstances4 ,most fatiguing for myself1 for the girl has no conversation1 ,mrs4 ,johnston stated inwardly1 with compassion for her own arduous task4 ,but she succeeded in winning ,euphrasia's gratitude1 and even to some extent ,euphrasia's liking4 ,letitia1 my dear1 ,i wish you would run upstairs and get me that little work-basket out of my bedroom1 she said1 after a while4 ,lights had been brought in1 for it was getting dark4 ,oh1 bother1--why don't you ring for the maid8 ,i'm tired4 ,as with most spoilt children1 tired with her meant out of temper4 ,really1 my dear1 you might speak more civilly4 ,and ,euphrasia started up1 actually blushing for ,letitia4 ,please let me6 ,i should like so much to go4 ,yes1 ,i know your bedroom--the front room over this4 ,and the work-basket-- ,well1 really1 you are very kind6 ,i'm most obliged--but after all--yes1 just a little work-basket1 on the small table within the door4 ,but ,i don't like-- ,euphrasia was gone4 ,i call 'that' obliging1 said ,mrs4 ,johnston4 ,euphrasia had no difficulty in finding her way1 though the landing above was dark4 ,it seemed that the servants had delayed later than usual lighting the gas4 ,she gained the room1 found the work-basket1 and set off swiftly to return4 ,too swiftly for one not familiar with the geography of the house4 ,before she knew it1 the first short flight was reached4 ,when just about to move cautiously1 in search of the stairs1 her foot was already over the topmost step4 ,beyond that--a dead blank6 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,viii ,a ,,step ,,in ,,the ,,dark ,,letitia1 what is that noise8 ,somebody has let something fall1 ,i suppose4 ,the servants are always dropping trays about4 ,somebody has fallen down1 ,i am sure4 ,not ,miss ,mackenzie1 ,i hope6 ,do pray see4 ,mrs4 ,johnston did not wait for ,letitia's reluctant motion4 ,although usually far from rapid herself1 being of lymphatic temperament1 she started out of her chair1 and hurried into the hall4 ,nothing here1 but the sound seemed to come from above4 ,do find out4 ,how you dawdle1 child6 ,i declare1 the fright has turned me positively ill4 ,if ,miss ,mackenzie-- ,letitia1 mounting unwillingly to the half-way landing1 broke into a scream3 ,mother1 it is ,euphrasia6 ,down a whole flight6 ,and ,mrs4 ,johnston hastened thither4 ,euphrasia was coming to herself4 ,the first shock had driven away all conscious sensation4 ,for though the flight was not a long one1 she had fallen with considerable force4 ,but she woke up to her position as ,mrs4 ,johnston arrived on the scene4 ,letitia stood looking in blank dismay1 not offering to help4 ,i'm sorry--so stupid of me-- were ,euphrasia's first words1 uttered vaguely4 ,she was hardly yet awake to actual pain1 but an odd dread of the least movement held her in a cramped heap4 ,it isn't--it won't be much4 ,can ,i help you up1 my dear8 asked ,mrs4 ,johnston1 with extended hand4 ,euphrasia could have cried out1 ,oh1 don't6 merely from that instinct that she might not move4 ,she resisted the impulse and made an effort to raise herself1 only to sink back1 voicelessly clutching the nearest baluster4 ,what is it8 ,where are you hurt8 asked ,mrs4 ,johnston1 much concerned4 ,somewhere1 surely4 ,she does look white6 ,letitia1 pray call somebody4 ,call ,horris4 ,oh no1 he is out4 ,call anybody4 ,do make haste4 ,oh1 here is ,howard4 ,something wrong8 enquired ,howard's voice4 ,miss ,mackenzie missed the top step somehow1 and has fallen down4 ,she has hurt herself1 ,i am afraid4 ,if ,i may just wait a minute6 ,it isn't so very bad--if only ,i needn't move6 ,if ,i may just wait--please-- ,that terrible thrill of pain had turned her sick1 and she did not know how to endure another4 ,you will have to let me carry you upstairs4 ,howard spoke as if it were the most everyday thing in the world4 ,oh no1 thank you1 indeed1 ,i'll walk in a few minutes4 ,if ,i may just wait6 pleaded ,euphrasia1 dreading the most kindly touch1 and only craving to be left alone4 ,the servants by this time were gathering round4 ,dear me1 ma'am1 this is bad6 ,jerrold was saying4 ,hadn't we best send for the doctor1 ma'am8 ,robert should certainly come1 ,howard said in a decisive under-tone1 as ,mrs4 ,johnston hesitated4 ,doctor6 ,i don't want a doctor1 exclaimed ,euphrasia1 a vivid recollection springing up of the state of the home finances4 ,i shall be all right after a night's rest4 ,you think so really8 ,oh yes1 of course4 ,it's only a little--a little twist1 ,i think4 ,where8 ,no answer came4 ,she made another resolute effort to rise1 endeavouring to pull herself up by means of the baluster1 but again the result was failure4 ,my--knee1 ,i think-- she said faintly1--and--and-- ,my dear ,howard1 she is too heavy for you6 ,don't1 pray1 urged ,mrs4 ,johnston4 ,do wait for ,horris4 ,he will be in directly4 ,please don't6 echoed ,euphrasia1 as he prepared to lift her4 ,both appeals were disregarded4 ,then don't take her all the way4 ,bring her to my room1 at all events1 just for the moment1--only one little flight1 ,howard6 ,two moves are better avoided4 ,euphrasia protested no further4 ,all her strength of will was required to suppress outward signs of suffering4 ,the jar of each step was as much as she could possibly endure4 ,and by the time ,howard laid her on the bed in her little front bedroom1 she was on the verge of unconsciousness4 ,poor girl6 ,fainted away4 ,really1 she has borne it very pluckily4 ,better send at once for ,bob1 and the less movement the better1 meantime1 till we know what is wrong4 ,i am afraid she is a good deal hurt4 ,and again he said1--,poor girl6 ,euphrasia1 though too far gone to speak or to open her eyes1 heard distinctly1 as from a distance-- ,yes1 indeed1 ,i am very sorry for her1--though really ,i do think1 ,howard1 that 'we' are to be pitied too6 ,i suppose it will mean no end of trouble and bother to everybody4 ,one wouldn't say it to her1 of course1 but it is true4 ,i shall go for ,bob myself1 ,howard responded shortly4 ,the doctor1 ,robert ,wells by name1 nephew to ,mrs4 ,johnston1 paid his visit and departed1 leaving dismay behind him4 ,though young in appearance1 he was several years older than his cousin ,howard1 a man of skilful fingers and of few words1 not in the least good-looking1 but pleasant-mannered4 ,he spent some time with ,euphrasia1 putting her to as little pain as could consist with needful examination of her injuries4 ,euphrasia endured bravely1 and waited for the opportunity of a brief tte--tte with him to ask in earnest tones1 ,will it be much8 ,how soon may ,i go home8 ,it is an awkward twist1 ,mr4 ,wells said in answer4 ,everything depends on perfect rest from the first4 ,but ,i may get up to-morrow morning8 ,certainly not4 ,this knee has to be kept entirely still4 ,i don't think you would advance far in your dressing1 if you made the attempt2 and you must not make the attempt4 ,you will feel very stiff all over to-morrow1 apart from the knee4 ,but staying in bed means giving trouble1 and ,i can't bear to do that4 ,i would rather go home to be nursed1 please4 ,the doctor looked her over gravely1 asked1 ,where is your home8--,then said1 ,h'm6 ,i can't stay here to be a bother4 ,i don't know ,mrs4 ,johnston well enough4 ,i couldn't bear to give such trouble to strangers4 ,may ,i go home to-morrow8 ,he shook his head4 ,then on ,monday--,i may go on ,monday6 ,another shake4 ,it isn't such a very long journey2 and only one change4 ,somebody could meet me there1 and ,i might be helped in and out of the train4 ,i would not make any fuss1 really4 ,i am sure you would not4 ,but this knee must have a few days of absolute rest4 ,you don't want to be troubled with it for months to come4 ,there is nothing like taking a thing in time4 ,only a few days6 ,not more1 you are sure8 ,i'll tell you that when ,i see the effect of the few days4 ,further questioning failed to bring a more definite answer4 ,euphrasia lay after his departure1 conning over his words1 trying to extract some comfort from them4 ,if not ,monday1 then ,tuesday1 or ,wednesday at the latest6 ,to lie here1 giving no end of trouble and bother to people who did not care in the slightest for her personally--no1 not even ,letitia6--seemed unendurable6 ,i can't do it2 oh1 ,i can't1 she said aloud4 ,it is too dreadful4 ,if only ,i were at home4 ,if only ,i had never come4 ,oh1 ,i can't stay here6 ,and ,i don't see the need4 ,the pain isn't so very bad1 except when ,i move4 ,i couldn't stay here to be nursed6 ,but one often has to do in life just that thing which one most shrinks from4 ,the doctor's reticence was of small avail4 ,letitia presently came in1 by her mother's desire1 not as it appeared too willingly4 ,she stood at the foot of the bed1 and in moody tones said-- ,well1 you've done for yourself now1 at any rate6 ,i couldn't help falling1 ,letitia4 ,you could have helped it with common care4 ,so absurd1 to go rushing about in a strange house1 where you didn't know your way4 ,it was not your business to offer to get the basket at all4 ,if you hadn't meddled1 this wouldn't have happened4 ,the implied rebuke of ,euphrasia's action to her own lazy inaction rankled still4 ,i thought ,i ought1 in a constrained tone4 ,well1 ,i hope you are satisfied6 ,letitia's unkindness cut deeply4 ,euphrasia could hardly have believed in such a display of temper to one in her then position4 ,she had to wring her hands under the bed clothes1 for self-control before speaking again4 ,i want to say one thing4 ,please don't let this make any difference about your going to ,bath4 ,if ,i should not get away quite so soon as ,i had meant to do1 ,i should like you to go just the same4 ,there's no need for you to be here4 ,it would only make me miserable to think that you stayed at home on my account4 ,mother won't hear of it4 ,then the question had been already mooted6 ,i would so much rather--,i would1 indeed4 ,i don't want anybody4 ,i shall just lie quiet1 and nobody need take any trouble1 till the doctor says ,i may travel4 ,i want to go on ,monday or ,tuesday1 but it might perhaps have to be ,wednesday4 ,tuesday6 ,wednesday6 ,why1 ,robert says you won't be able to travel for a month at least--six weeks very likely4 ,he says it's out of the question4 ,and he won't even hear of your getting up for some days4 ,i am sure ,i don't know how we shall manage4 ,the servants are always grumbling as it is about their work4 ,a month or six weeks4 ,euphrasia's heart died within her4 ,he can't mean that6 ,he didn't tell me4 ,he only talked of a few days4 ,oh1 that was to pacify you1 of course4 ,i suppose ,i ought not to have told you1 but ,i forgot4 ,don't go and repeat it1 or you'll get me into a scrape4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,ix ,a ,,prisoner ,,before morning1 ,euphrasia knew well that getting up was at present a matter1 not of course1 but of absolute incapacity4 ,bruised back and strained side had asserted themselves1 and might alone have been enough to enforce a short imprisonment1 but the knee was far worse4 ,the slightest movement meant an unbearable thrill of agony1 and all through the long night she had hardly dared to let herself drop asleep1 because of the inevitable awakening4 ,won't quite do for a journey yet1 will it8 the doctor said kindly4 ,but will this go on long8 ,i hope not4 ,you have given the knee a most awkward twist1 and the least additional strain now might make it very serious4 ,nothing for such a case but absolute rest4 ,i don't want to keep you in bed longer than need be1 but ,i am afraid a few days are necessary4 ,then we must try to get you on a sofa4 ,but all that means so much trouble4 ,oh1 ,i could not1 ,euphrasia was dismayed almost to the point of tears4 ,how can ,i8 ,among strangers6 ,i'd rather just lie quiet here1 and give no trouble4 ,much rather6 ,you are of an independent spirit4 ,i shouldn't mind so much at home4 ,but in somebody else's house-- ,well1 yes1 that does make matters more trying1 ,i grant4 ,it can't be helped4 ,the more quiet you can keep your knee1 the sooner it is likely to improve4 ,a great deal depends on yourself4 ,not much sleep last night1 ,i'm afraid4 ,i couldn't4 ,i kept waking with a start every time ,i dropped off4 ,if ,i moved ever so little1 the pain woke me4 ,mr4 ,wells took his leave1 and ,euphrasia was left to her own cogitations4 ,she had time enough for them that day and in days following4 ,far more solitude was hers than had ever before fallen to her lot2 yet even solitude is better than a grudged companionship4 ,mrs4 ,johnston1 while expressing all polite concern for her guest's condition1 never visited the room without letting it appear how great an exertion she counted the effort4 ,letitia never spent half-an-hour there without showing a desire to be elsewhere4 ,worse than the worst bodily suffering was ,euphrasia's consciousness of being looked upon as a mere burden4 ,no doubt the ,johnstons1 mother and daughter1 were in a general sense sorry for her1 but they were a great deal more sorry for themselves4 ,to have a guest in the house requiring care and nursing was simply a bother in their eyes4 ,and if they could politely have got rid of their unwished-for invalid1 they would gladly have done so4 ,euphrasia realised this to the core of her being4 ,the very servants1 pampered and trained in self-indulgence1 objected to the extra work1 and seeing this feeling plainly in their mistress1 they did not hesitate to speak it out plainly among themselves4 ,a lazy young housemaid had been told off to wait upon ,euphrasia2 and due orders were given to her1 but nobody saw whether these orders were carried out4 ,in point of fact1 they often were not4 ,and ,euphrasia was allowed to wait long for many things that she needed4 ,proudly1 she would not ask or remind the girl4 ,at least it should not be said of her that she gave unnecessary trouble4 ,and ,i need not have come6 ,i might have escaped all this6 ,if ,i had just given it up when ,i really felt as if ,i ought1 ,i might be at home now1 and quite well--not boxed up here where nobody wants me6 ,such regrets haunted ,euphrasia unceasingly4 ,she would not let her parents know what had happened4 ,why should she8 ,it would only make them anxious1 and could do no good4 ,nay1 in her father's condition1 the additional worry might even break him down altogether4 ,so reasoned ,euphrasia1 putting bravely aside her own longings for home sympathy4 ,one short note she sent1 to notify the fact of her arrival1 carefully worded1 and dealing only with generalities4 ,no mention was in it of her accident2 and a request for silence stopped any communication from ,mrs4 ,johnston4 ,two or three days later came a hasty scrawl from ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 telling little or no news1 and merely hoping that ,euphrasia would enjoy her visit4 ,after which followed silence4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie did not write again4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie did not write at all2 and ,mrs4 ,landor sent only a line on ,parish matters4 ,ken and ,flo were equally remiss4 ,absence of home letters made easier the keeping of her secret1 since she too could thus be silent1 without causing particular remark4 ,but the state of things was unusual1 and she fretted over it a good deal4 ,during her long absences at school1 letters had been frequent and regular4 ,she could only conjecture now that her father was not well1 and that they would not write for fear of having to say what might shadow her pleasure4 ,as for her own silence--doubtless they would think that she was selfishly so enjoying herself as to forget to write4 ,but ,i must bear that for a little while4 ,they will soon know1 she said4 ,days crept by with such desperate slowness that a week seemed like a month4 ,and the silence therefore appeared a great deal longer than it really was4 ,euphrasia did not allow for this fact4 ,improvement in the injured knee was slow1 so slow that she sometimes wondered if it improved at all4 ,at the end of a week1 she was allowed to be moved to a small sofa1 which the doctor ordered to be brought to her room1 and from this sofa she could gain glimpses of the outside world through the window4 ,but the unwelcome trouble to others involved by even so slight a change pressed upon ,euphrasia's mind1 and destroyed her pleasure in it4 ,to have to be such a bother6 she said4 ,yet she could not do without the help4 ,her restless young spirit chafed under her own incapacity to stand or move about alone4 ,one day1 nearly a fortnight after the accident1 she lay alone on the sofa1 looking out wearily into a blaze of sunshine4 ,she could just see the square tower of the old ,parish ,church beyond and away from the further end of the ,crescent2 and a sound of bells came thence1 ringing merrily4 ,it was almost half-past two4 ,and ,mrs4 ,johnston and ,letitia were gone to a wedding which would be immediately taking place4 ,euphrasia did not expect their return till late in the afternoon1 since a reception was to follow the wedding4 ,so much the better6 she said4 ,if they come up here to see me1 it is only because they think they must4 ,and ,i hate to be a disagreeable duty to anybody6 ,nevertheless1 she felt somewhat forlorn in her dull little room1 with the bright sunshine and gay bell-ringing outside4 ,and the afternoon seemed long to get through4 ,nobody had thought of bringing her a book to while away the tedious hours4 ,and true still to her resolution of making no needless requests1 she would not ask for one4 ,a copy of ,hymns ,ancient and ,modern was the sole volume within reach1 almost the sole volume in her room4 ,no bookcase was here1 and ,euphrasia had brought no books with her4 ,there was nothing to draw her mind away from the subject of home4 ,an absolute dearth of letters continued4 ,euphrasia had written once again1 this time to ,ken1 saying little of herself and nothing of her condition1 only begging to know how they all were1 especially ,mr4 ,mackenzie4 ,but to her note1 posted only the day before1 no answer could yet arrive4 ,as she pondered1 a favourite motto of her father's wove its measure into the peal of bells1 making itself heard with tiring persistency4 ,a pund o' care winna pay an ounce o' debt--an ounce o' debt--an ounce o' debt--an ounce--an ounce--an ounce o' debt--,a pund o' care--a pund o' care winna pay--winna pay--winna pay an ounce--an ounce o' debt4 ,o dear1 ,i wish ,i could forget that wretched proverb6 ,and ,i don't see the sense of it either4 ,one doesn't worry because worrying does any good1 but only because one can't help it 4 4 4 ,ought one to help it8 ,mrs4 ,landor would say so4 ,but then she has no cares--at least1 none worth speaking about4 ,it is so easy not to be bothered when there is nothing to bother one4 ,winna pay--winna pay--winna pay an ounce--an ounce--winna pay an ounce o' debt1 persisted the bells4 ,euphrasia took up the small hymnbook and turned over its leaves with fingers thinner than their wont4 ,anything to break the line of thought6 ,if our love were but more simple1 ,we should take ,him at ,his word-- ,i've seen or heard that before4 ,a pund o' care--a pund o' care winna pay--winna pay--an ounce--an ounce--an ounce o' debt--winna pay an ounce o' debt6 ,o do stop6 ,where did ,i hear those lines before8 ,somewhere1 ,i know4 ,and straightway she read the hymn3-- ,souls of men6 why will ye scatter ,like a crowd of frightened sheep8 ,foolish hearts6 why will ye wander ,from a love so true and deep8 ,was there ever kindest shepherd ,half so gentle1 half so sweet1 ,as the ,saviour who would have us ,come and gather round ,his feet8 ,there's a wideness in ,god's mercy1 ,like the wideness of the sea2 ,there's a kindness in ,his justice1 ,which is more than liberty4 ,there is no place where earth's sorrows ,are more felt than up in heaven3 ,there is no place where earth's failings ,have such kindly judgment given4 ,there is plentiful redemption ,in the blood that has been shed2 ,there is joy for all the members ,in the sorrows of the ,head4 ,for the love of ,god is broader ,than the measures of man's mind2 ,and the heart of the ,eternal ,is most wonderfully kind4 ,pining souls6 come nearer ,jesus1 ,and1 oh1 come not doubting thus1 ,but with faith that trusts more bravely ,his huge tenderness for us4 ,if our love were but more simple1 ,we should take ,him at ,his word2 ,and our lives would be all sunshine ,in the sweetness of our ,lord4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,x ,,how ,,much ,,longer8 ,,euphrasia read slowly1 for there was no need to hurry4 ,she had nothing else to occupy her time4 ,when she had reached the last verse1 it took shape in the tones of ,mrs4 ,landor1 and she knew then where she had heard the words4 ,she saw herself in ,mrs4 ,landor's room1 with ,mrs4 ,landor by her side4 ,my dear1 try for yourself6 ,only try1 and prove for yourself how kind and true a ,master ,he is6 ,this also came back in ,mrs4 ,landor's quiet voice4 ,is ,he so kind8 the girl asked dreamily4 ,so very very kind6 ,i have always thought of ,him as good and just and true--all that1 of course4 ,and angry1 if one did wrong--only 'angry' never seems quite the right word4 ,but ,,kind--'most wonderfully kind'--is that what ,god is really and truly like8 ,another utterance sprang from her very heart1--,if ,he is1 how ,i could love ,him6 ,why don't ,i8 came next4 ,i suppose ,i haven't known before what ,he is really like--that ,he is so truly kind4 ,recollections arose1 unbidden1 of the old old story of how the ,son of ,god went to and fro on earth1 ever with infinite kindness listening to all who spoke1 answering all who petitioned1 accompanying all who asked ,him to go4 ,he was kind--,he is kind--and ,he was--is--,god6 ,he is just the same now as then4 ,no difference at all4 ',the heart of the ,eternal is most wonderfully kind6' ,doesn't that mean that ,he is kind still1 even when ,he sends trouble1 because ,he only sends it for our good8 4 4 4 ,i wonder how this can be for my good1 except to make me do next time exactly what ,i think ,i ought4 ,yes1 it may be that4 ,but wouldn't my visit alone have been disappointing enough without the accident8 ,i did expect so much from it2 and it has all turned out to be worth nothing1--,letitia to be no real friend at all4 ,wouldn't that have been punishment enough1 ,i wonder1 without my having to be shut up here for a whole month or more1 where nobody wants me8 ,and ,i can do no good to anybody1 and ,i am wanted at home6 ,is it just a punishment for being wilful8 ,well1 ,i shan't soon forget it all6 ',there is no place where earth's sorrows ,are more felt than up in heaven--' ,is that true too8 ,i never even thought of such a thing before4 ,are the angels sorry up ,there when any of us are in trouble8--sorry now because ,i am dull and alone6 ,and most of all1 is ,god ,himself sorry1 even though ,he has sent the trouble8 ,of course1 ,i brought it on myself by being careless and in a hurry1 and by coming here at all4 ,but still ,i suppose ,god allowed it4 ,and now1 perhaps1 all the while ,he really is sorry for me1 because ,he is so wonderfully kind6 ,euphrasia was startled to find some quick drops falling4 ,how do you do8 a voice said by her side1 not an echo this time of past utterances4 ,mr4 ,wells took her hand as he spoke4 ,did you not hear me ask leave to come in8 ,the door was open1 and ,i saw you lying here in full view4 ,oh1 was the door open8 ,i didn't know4 ,i thought ,i was alone4 ,euphrasia spoke shamefacedly1 conscious of huskiness and wet eyes4 ,no bad news from home8 ,no letters at all--,i hope my father is not ill4 ,they don't generally leave me so long4 ,but then ,i have not written either1 till yesterday4 ,i would not lie and conjure up imaginary ills4 ,it is a waste of power4 ,whatever may or may not be the cause1 you are pretty certain to picture to yourself worse than the reality4 ,some most commonplace reason may have prevented them from writing4 ,if it were anything very bad1 ,i should hear1 of course2 only my father was not well when ,i came away4 ,and you have too much time for thinking4 ,rather solitary work1 is it not8 ,three or four days would be all very well1 or even a week1 but you have some right to get tired of it now4 ,it won't be much longer4 ,i hope not4 ,so you have been reading4 ,mr4 ,wells took up the hymnbook1 glanced at its open page1 and looked over the edge at ,euphrasia4 ,nothing else to read except this6 ,that is nice enough4 ,why should ,i have anything else8 ,variety is sometimes good for people1 the more so if they are in a mood to take melancholy views of things4 ,and you think ,i am in a mood to do that8 ,possibly1 just in the last half-hour4 ,euphrasia's look was one of protest4 ,she could not explain4 ,she could only feel that if the thoughts which had brought tears into her eyes were melancholy1 it was a melancholy which she would fain keep for life4 ,mr4 ,wells read something unexpected in her face4 ,i see ,i used the wrong word4 ,not melancholy1 only perhaps a little sober--a little serious4 ,and when one is laid by1 and a good deal alone1 it is just possible to dwell too long at a time upon the very serious side of things4 ,i don't say that it has been so with you at this moment1 but a change of ideas might be advantageous4 ,i should certainly like you to have some variety in your reading2 and ,i do not see much variety within reach4 ,he glanced round critically4 ,i could have asked for a book1 of course4 ,letitia ought not to have waited to be asked4 ,oh1 she was busy4 ,there was the wedding4 ,please don't say anything to her4 ,mr4 ,wells gave his attention to the lame knee1 and presently remarked1 ,yes1 it is getting on fairly well1 perhaps as fast as we ought to expect4 ,but you are too much run down yourself4 ,i shall be all right as soon as ,i get home4 ,when may ,i go8 ,by-and-by4 ,you must get into another room first4 ,i shall like that4 ,i mean1 if ,i may walk4 ,i would rather not do it at all1 if it means giving extra trouble4 ,is that the chief bugbear of your existence8 asked ,mr4 ,wells smiling4 ,i wonder how much longer this is to go on8 sighed ,mrs4 ,johnston1 next morning4 ,this6 echoed her eldest son4 ,the younger brother was a mere boy1 away at school4 ,nonsense1 ,howard4 ,as if you didn't understand6 ,euphrasia ,mackenzie1 of course4 ,here has she been nearly a fortnight in the house1 and the servants are run off their legs--or1 at all events1 they think so1 which comes to the same thing4 ,i am sure1 ,i did feel that we had done as much as could be expected of us4 ,and now ,robert must needs make all this stir about nothing4 ,what stir8 ,oh1 he declares we leave her a great deal too much alone1 and let her feel dull1 and don't attend to her as we ought4 ,he fairly scolded ,letitia4 ,poor dear1 ,i do pity her1 having to go and sit in that stuffy little room for an hour at a time6 ,something must be wrong with our household arrangements if we put our guests into stuffy little rooms4 ,you know what ,i mean4 ,not exactly stuffy1 but one doesn't want to sit there half the day4 ,and poor ,letitia was so bent on going to ,bath with the ,fearings4 ,of course ,i made her give that up1 but it was rather hard on the child4 ,and she says ,euphrasia is quite changed from what she used to be1 so stiff and cold4 ,i wonder whether ,letitia ever does sit with ,miss ,mackenzie for anything like half-a-day--or even for an hour at a time8 ,i'm sure ,i can't tell4 ,i only know ,i am perpetually at her about it4 ,and ,i shall be thankful when it is all over4 ,euphrasia is not an interesting invalid4 ,and she hardly ever says a word of apology for the trouble she gives4 ,does she not8 ,robert speaks of her as excruciatingly anxious not to be a bother4 ,oh1 as to that--,i suppose she doesn't make more work than she can help4 ,i don't complain of the girl4 ,some people in her position would be much more thoughtless4 ,but1 of course1 there are no end of things to be done4 ,and now ,robert wants us to have her wheeled every day into ,letitia's boudoir-- ,where is that8 ,the little room that used to be her nursery4 ,letitia turned it into a sitting-room when she came home from school1 but she never sits there now by any chance4 ,and ,robert wants us to contrive not to leave ,euphrasia so much alone4 ,that is the worst of having a near relative for one's doctor4 ,he feels free to say whatever he happens to think4 ,it seems he found her crying with nothing to read4 ,so absurd not to ask for what she wanted1 if she had not a book6 ,robert does not commonly make such a fuss about his patients1 and why he should with ,euphrasia ,mackenzie1 ,i can't imagine4 ,i never in my life saw a more unattractive girl2 did you8 ,that wasn't precisely my impression1 ,i confess4 ,i thought she looked sensible4 ,oh1 sensible--if you think so much of being just sensible6 ,yes1 ,i dare say she is sensible--any amount6 ,but not attractive--not pretty1 or clever1 or anything4 ,then1 reverting to her former subject1 ,as likely as not1 if ,i tell ,horris that he is to wheel the sofa in and out of that room every day1 he will say he hasn't time1 and can't do it4 ,that man gives himself such airs6 ,i believe he will want to go the next thing4 ,let him go1 by all means4 ,if he does not want it1 ,i shall1 so soon as ,i find him indulging in airs4 ,plenty more men in the kingdom4 ,you always talk like that4 ,i can't bear the worry of change4 ,a man who will not do his duty is a much worse worry1 to my mind4 ,never mind2 ,i'll see to replacing ,horris if he goes4 ,meantime1 if he is too grand or too lazy to wheel ,miss ,mackenzie's chair--no1 sofa--a few paces1 ,i am neither4 ,let me know when it wants doing4 ,oh1 ,horris must do it1 of course1 if he is told4 ,but as for somebody to sit in the room--,letitia never does a single thing she doesn't wish4 ,and as for dragging myself up those stairs more than once in twenty-four hours1 ,i really could not undertake the exertion6 ,pray don't think of it1 her son answered politely4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xi ,,never ,,sent6 ,,mother1 ,i've got a letter from ,euphrasia6 ,kenred burst into the house as he spoke1 sending the words in advance of himself4 ,a letter from ,euphrasia6 repeated ,flo in his rear1 and her pretty little face was flushed with delight4 ,at last6 ,a faint suspicion of hurt feeling might be detected in the tone4 ,nobody had expected that the absent member of the household would allow almost a whole fortnight to elapse with no further communication than a scribbled statement of her safe arrival4 ,and the queer part of it is1 mother1 that she doesn't say one word about why she hasn't written1 or what she has been doing4 ,not one word6 ,she only wants to know why 'we' haven't written1 and says she is afraid somebody can't be well4 ,your father is not well of course4 ,he hasn't been for weeks and months past1 and she knows it4 ,besides1 ,i told her in my last letter that he did not seem particularly better4 ,but she says she has not heard at all4 ,the boy flung himself down on the sofa1 beside ,mrs4 ,mackenzie and her mending-basket4 ,you'll see4 ,there is the letter4 ,couldn't be much shorter4 ,eyebright is a funny girl1 isn't she8 ,one might think 'she' had been sending heaps of letters all the time4 ,but ,i wrote last4 ,i have written twice1 and she has never answered either of my letters4 ,i don't believe ,euphrasia is enjoying herself one bit1 murmured ,flo1 when ,mrs4 ,mackenzie had perused the short note1 and had pronounced it unsatisfactory4 ,she writes in such a dull sort of way1 and she doesn't say a word about anything or anybody there4 ,as likely as not1 she is disappointed with her friend4 ,euphrasia would never confess that she had been taken in4 ,girls never do6 ,i don't think the note does sound very happy3 but she will manage to get some enjoyment out of her visit4 ,if not1 why should she stay on1 and not come home sooner8 ,i cannot understand about the letters4 ,not had a single one from anybody1 since three days after she left6 ,well1 if she had not1 she hasn't written either6 ,but she forgets4 ,flo and ,i made up a long letter to go with yours last week1 mother--a joint concern4 ,she couldn't have forgotten that4 ,it was the day you had such a long call from old ,mr4 ,brown4 ,a recollection came to ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 summoned up as such recollections often are1 by a passing word4 ,she started up1 opened a drawer1 and after some rummaging drew thence a stamped and addressed envelope4 ,how stupid of me6 ,i remember now4 ,your speaking of ,mr4 ,brown brought it back4 ,when he came1 ,i popped the letter in here to be safe1 meaning to post it directly he was gone4 ,somebody must have pushed it out of sight afterwards1 and ,i declare ,i never thought about it again until this moment4 ,poor ,euphrasia6 exclaimed ,flo4 ,my dear1 if she had taken the trouble to write home just a little oftener1 we should soon have found out about it4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie really had been pained by her eldest's prolonged silence4 ,shall ,i post it now8 asked ,ken4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie debated1 then wrote outside--,just found this2 ought to have gone off days ago4 ,yes1 do1 ,ken2 and some of us will write in a day or two4 ,i really can't to-day2 ,i have so much to do4 ,and there is ,mrs4 ,landor coming in2 so run away1 ,flo dear1 because ,i want to speak to her particularly4 ,flo obeyed4 ,and ,mrs4 ,mackenzie received her visitor with a careworn expression1 quite unconsciously and involuntarily assumed4 ,mrs4 ,landor was at all times so absolutely at leisure1 so free to hear her friends' worries1 and to bestow sympathy for the same--albeit with the sympathy went sometimes a less welcome word of warning1 or even of reproof--that a temptation existed to make claims upon her sympathy1 even without especial cause2 and ,mrs4 ,mackenzie occasionally yielded to this temptation4 ,she did not so much as notice1 being wrapped up in her own thoughts1 that ,mrs4 ,landor looked paler than usual1 and that her air of kind attention was1 to a slight degree1 forced--as if the mind were trying to wander1 and required reining in4 ,the note from ,euphrasia had to be shown first1 with sundry comments on its tardy arrival1 on its limited contents1 and on her wish that ,euphrasia cared more for home interests1 less for mere pleasure4 ,mrs4 ,landor read the note1 and said--,it does not give one the idea that she is having too much pleasure4 ,well1 no4 ,i always thought she would be disappointed with those people4 ,but of course a good many things are going on--sure to be1 in a place like ,clifton--and she does not somehow find time to write to us as she might4 ,she says nothing about the many things going on4 ,how is ,mr4 ,mackenzie to-day8 ,this led to a fresh assortment of cares4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie was not at all the thing1 not by any means well4 ,he could not be described as positively ill1 but ,mrs4 ,mackenzie was very anxious1 very worried about him4 ,he had seen ,dr4 ,north again2 and ,dr4 ,north1 as usual1 laid it chiefly to the state of his nerves--wherein ,mrs4 ,mackenzie was not at all sure that the doctor might not be mistaken1 as ,mrs4 ,landor knew doctors so often were4 ,but anyhow1 ,dr4 ,north recommended a thorough change for her husband1 some day soon1 if it could be managed4 ,and how we are to afford it1 ,i am sure ,i don't know1 and ,i can't imagine4 ,colin's income is not much1 as1 of course1 everybody knows4 ,and expenses are so heavy4 ,and there's always something or other that must be got1 whether one can afford it or no4 ,it always seems to me every year that we shall never manage to fight our way through1 or keep our heads above water4 ,and yet1 somehow1 you always do4 ,well--somehow--at least1 we always have1 so far4 ,but nobody can be sure about the future4 ,except that we have the absolute certainty that ',he' ,who has cared for us in past years will never grow forgetful or indifferent4 ,oh1 of course--,i do try to trust4 ,one knows one must1 of course4 ,but it is dreadfully hard to make both ends meet4 ,and as for this idea of a change for my husband--,i really don't see how it is to be managed4 ,if it must be1 it must1 but ,i can't see how4 ,far back in her mind ,mrs4 ,mackenzie was saying--,so easy for ,mrs4 ,landor6 ,why1 she only has to sit down and write a cheque1 and there would be enough in a moment to take away all one's bother4 ,she wouldn't even miss it4 ,but people don't do that sort of thing1 unfortunately4 ,i wish they did4 ,there can hardly be a 'must' for anything that is clearly impossible4 ,still1 it would do your husband good4 ,i do not doubt that his nerves are out of order1 but it is partly the result of long years of work1 and he has fairly earned a holiday4 ,so ,dr4 ,north says4 ,it is not a necessity1 ,i suppose1 exactly2 only he would be ever so much the better for a thorough change4 ,he is always so down-hearted now2 not like himself4 ,it may be partly ,euphrasia being away and not writing4 ,but he isn't as he ought to be2 and ,dr4 ,north says a change would be the best remedy4 ,if it is the right thing for him1 you will see your way to it4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie counted this rather hard4 ,she had been building a little structure of hopes1 founded on ,mrs4 ,landor's wealth and liberality1 and the apparent collapse of that structure made her feel irritable4 ,of course it is the right thing for ,colin to get away4 ,it is not a question of what is the right thing1 but of whether we can do it4 ,it seems to me that most of the right things for us in life are just kept away from us for no reason at all4 ,you do not really think so1 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,i don't know why not-- rather faintly4 ,that is what ,i often notice4 ,it is not my experience4 ,but if a thing is kept from me1 ,i am so sure that it is 'not' the right thing for me to have4 ,we look at the question from different standpoints4 ,you don't understand2 you don't know what it really is1 protested ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 plaintive1 because she felt herself in the wrong4 ,to have one's deposit getting lower and lower in the bank1 and to know that nothing more is coming in for ever so long1 and to see all the family needs1 when there is no money to get what is wanted1 and to have one's husband falling ill for want of a little holiday1 and no holiday possible--at least1 to know one can't rightly afford it2--oh1 ,i dare say ,i ought to be sure that everything is always right1 and it is very easy for people to preach1 but-- ,it seems to me a simple opportunity for exercising a little trust--just to show that one knows ',him6' ,mrs4 ,landor spoke in a curious dreamy tone1 almost as if addressing the words to herself4 ,people always talk such a lot about trusting4 ,and it is generally those who don't need to trust1 because they have got everything they want4 ,is that the case1 ,i wonder1 with any human being8 ,money anxieties are not by any means the only ones in the world4 ,and few of us escape even them sooner or later1 in one form or another4 ,mrs4 ,landor stood up1 as if wishing to end the discussion4 ,would you ask your husband to come round to the ,rectory by-and-by if he is able4 ,i should be glad of a few words with him4 ,and1 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 if ,i may make the suggestion1 don't you think a more courageous spirit would be a happier one8 ,it is such a help to feel absolute certainty in the ,divine love which watches over us 4 4 4 ,i am not speaking out of ignorance of what anxiety means 4 4 4 ,but another day you shall hear more4 ,we have used all the time that ,i can spare just now4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie had a dismayed sense of having stopped some interesting communication1 and curiosity vied with something like fear4 ,oh1 do wait6 she begged1 with about as much result as if she had endeavoured to check the inflow of the tide4 ,mrs4 ,landor smiled1 bade a kind farewell1 and was gone4 ,what does she mean8 inquired ,mrs4 ,mackenzie of herself1 no one else being present4 ,is ,mr4 ,landor ill8 ,he didn't look so on ,sunday4 ,why on earth couldn't she explain8 ,i wish people would not be so puzzling4 ,there comes ,colin--what a pace4 ,i have not seen him walk so fast for ever so long4 ,he will meet ,mrs4 ,landor2 oh no1 she has turned the other way1 and doesn't see him4 ,i do detest mysteries2 and of course ,colin will know nothing4 ,but ,colin came in with an absorbed face4 ,i see ,mrs4 ,landor has been here4 ,has she told you8 ,no6 ,told me what8 ,she said she had not time to wait any longer4 ,and she wants to see you presently4 ,what is it all about8 ,i'll go1 of course4 ,did she say when8 ,i don't think so4 ,i don't know4 ,colin1 what is wrong8 ,has anything happened8 ,yes-- ,illustration3 ,is ,mr4 ,landor not well8 ,there can't be much the matter with him1 or she would not be out4 ,besides1 she seemed just like her usual self4 ,colin1 do speak out4 ,make haste4 ,what8 ,do tell me6 ,the ,landors-- ,is ,mr4 ,landor not well8 ,there can't be much the matter with him1 or she would not be out4 ,besides1 she seemed just like her usual self4 ,colin1 do speak out4 ,make haste4 ,my dear1 you allow me no opportunity4 ,mrs4 ,landor-- ,yes4 ,go on6 ,make haste6 ,o dear1 you men are so slow6 ,mrs4 ,landor-- ,yes1 ,i hear6 ,oh1 make haste6 --,has lost pretty nearly everything she has4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xii ,,genuine6 ,,mrs4 ,,mackenzie had to sit down1 absolutely panting under the blow1 and for once without words1 as her husband gave a few particulars4 ,it appeared that the ,landors' affairs had been for some years in an involved condition1 unknown to many of their most intimate friends4 ,losses here and embarrassments there dated nearly1 though not quite1 so far back as their marriage4 ,the prosperous widow chosen by ,mr4 ,landor for his wife had been since by no means so prosperous as was commonly supposed4 ,but inasmuch as he had chosen her for herself1 and not for her money1 this fact had had no power to touch their happiness4 ,they had hoped to emerge in the end from their difficulties4 ,and in the ordinary course of events1 the hope might have been fulfilled4 ,now however1 at one blow1 the main bulk of ,mrs4 ,landor's possessions was swept away by the collapse of the great ,company in which most of her money was embarked4 ,an immediate sale of the estate was inevitable1 and the utmost that it could be expected to bring in would be swallowed up by previously-existing liabilities4 ,the extraordinary thing is that nobody should have expected anything of the sort6 ,no one seems to have so much as guessed what was coming4 ,if you had asked me about that ,company1 ,i could have declared that it was almost as staunch as the ,bank of ,england4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie looked back to his own haunting fears1 as partly expressed to ,euphrasia1 about the bank with which he was himself closely connected1 in a kind of wonder4 ,clear vision had come suddenly1 and he realised now the futility1 the needlessness1 of his fears4 ,at this instant1 the imaginations which had made him wretched for months past looked absolutely absurd1 the mere fruit of a disorganised nervous system1 with no positive foundation in fact4 ,that which he had so feared for himself1 and for those dependent on him1 had not come1 might never come4 ,but the blow which none had foretold for the ,landors had fallen with startling abruptness4 ,he woke out of a dream to the sound of his wife's voice3-- ,do tell me6 ,what are you thinking about8 ,do pray tell me4 ,what will they have to live on8 ,my dear1 ,i fear almost nothing--beyond ,mr4 ,landor's stipend4 ,a stipend of eighty-five pounds a year6 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie burst into tears4 ,she might be habitually a good deal self-occupied1 and not a little addicted to nursing her own troubles1 but she had a warm heart1 and a very real affection for his long-tried friend4 ,she can't do it1 ,colin4 ,at her age1 and all her life accustomed to have everything she could want4 ,and he is getting elderly1 and not strong4 ,it is perfectly dreadful6 ,of course1 they have had some worries now and then1 everybody has1 but nothing of this sort4 ,why1 she has always been able to get every single thing she wanted4 ,and just think of eighty-five pounds a year6 ,yes1 it's the suddenness of it--and the change from what she is used to4 ,that makes it so much worse4 ,worse6 ,it makes it awful for them4 ,how you can talk of it so quietly6 ,and what in the world are they to do now8 ,this is what ,i cannot imagine4 ,brought up as she has been4 ,eighty-five pounds a year4 ,she must be half dazed with it4 ,of course she does not see yet what it all really means--she can't4 ,and1 oh dear1 to think of what ,i have been saying to her4 ,how ,i could6 ,colin made a sound of enquiry4 ,oh1 ,i don't know--,i mean--,oh1 of course ,i didn't know anything about this2 and she never told me4 ,but it must have sounded so horribly unfeeling4 ,i told her about the doctor wanting you to get away1 and she said ,i ought to trust more4 ,and ,i thought it was so easy for her to talk when she had got everything she wanted1 and ,i said something of the sort4 ,she won't be vexed1 ,i know1 because it is not her way1 but ,i am vexed with myself4 ,perhaps it is a little lesson just to be more careful next time1 my dear4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie rather resented having little lessons pointed out to her1 however clearly she might perceive them for herself4 ,and she hastened to explain that another time was very unlikely to recur4 ,in fact1 one might think that this was the only time in her life that she had ever been betrayed into hasty speech4 ,but in the midst of her defence1 she relapsed into tears4 ,mrs4 ,landor wanted you to go and see her1 ,colin4 ,don't you think ,i might go too1 and tell her how sorry ,i am8 ,no1 my dear4 ,if ,mrs4 ,landor asked for me only1 she did not mean you too4 ,it is always best1 when people are in trouble1 to do exactly what they ask1 and not more4 ,it may be that she wishes to put some business questions1 observed ,colin1 in his most oracular tone4 ,he had his way1 and started alone1 bearing a long message of unlimited apology and sympathy1 which went utterly out of his head by the time he quitted the garden gate4 ,it was a trying visit to pay4 ,he was a tenderhearted man1 and could not endure to look upon distress4 ,and1 judging from people generally1 he expected to find the ,landors overwhelmed by the blow which had fallen upon them1 ,mr4 ,landor in depths of despair1 ,mrs4 ,landor in floods of tears4 ,she had kept up1 it was true1 while calling on his wife1 doubtless for her sake1 but that she should continue to keep up was beyond the bounds of reasonable expectation4 ,colin wondered sorrowfully what he should say to comfort them4 ,of course ,mrs4 ,landor would trust4 ,both of them would of course trust4 ,he felt no doubt on that head4 ,he always asserted the fact of his own trust1 no matter how dismally certain he might feel that everything was going wrong1 no matter how dolefully hopeless he might be of any help arriving in time to tide him over rocks ahead4 ,his idea of trust was vague1 and therefore was quite compatible with a general hopelessness4 ,by the time he reached the ,rectory1 his face had grown portentously long over the thought of his friends' grief4 ,rather oddly1 this blow to them had acted with a rousing force upon himself4 ,he had not for months felt so hopeful1 so light-hearted about his own affairs4 ,it was almost as if he had foreseen that something would happen1 and had only been mistaken in supposing it to be a something concerning himself4 ,probably a truer explanation would be that ,colin ,mackenzie1 after repeated attacks of severe influenza1 coming upon long years of hard work1 had fallen into a dyspeptic and nervous condition of body1 which condition had reacted on the mind1 rendering him unable to take a fair and reasonable view of things in general1 more especially of business questions4 ,as ,mrs4 ,landor had once said1 molehills grew to mountains in his eyes1 and a usually unselfish nature had become for the time morbidly self-centred--a state of things largely physical1 but not on that account altogether free from blame4 ,wakened now by the shock of his friends' trouble1 he looked back upon his own past mental condition with a curious sense of surprise1 almost of disgust4 ,what could have made him talk as he had done to ,euphrasia1 the day before she left home8 ,absurd1--when really there had been no sufficient cause1 but only some needful business uncertainties1 and a desperate fit of the blues1 inclining him to see everything on its darkest side4 ,dyspepsia1 of course1 as ,dr4 ,north had at the time assured him4 ,while ,colin1 because of that same dyspepsia1 had counted himself wiser than any number of doctors1 and had refused to believe the explanation4 ,now he knew better6 ,poor little ,eyebright6 ,how she might have worried herself6 ,only of course she had not1 or she would have written oftener4 ,no doubt she had not grasped his full meaning4 ,still1 he might have spoilt her visit with his ill-considered remarks4 ,he would write at once1 this very evening--cheerily1 and in a different strain4 ,but then he would have to tell her about the ,landors4 ,she would feel that down in the depth of her loving little heart1 which ,colin knew to be really loving1 though some might count her to be of a cold disposition4 ,no1 he would not write yet4 ,better to wait1 since evidently she was not grieving4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie1 like his wife1 had been somewhat hurt by ,euphrasia's long silence1 even while telling himself that it meant nothing4 ,then he reached the ,rectory1 and his courage was at a low ebb1 though not now for himself4 ,floods of tears6 ,states of despair6 ,not a whit6 ,as he stood in the hall1 lugubrious with the weight of his pity1 he heard the merriest laugh1 coming through the closed study door4 ,that ,mrs4 ,landor6 ,and a deeper-toned masculine laugh1 no less cheerful4 ,that the poverty-stricken and despairing ,rector6 ,colin could hardly believe his own ears4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xiii ,,not ,,cast ,,down ,,here1 sir1 please4 ,into the study ,colin was welcomed--by the ,rector with a smiling face1 by ,mrs4 ,landor with outstretched hand and look of welcome4 ,in all the years he had known that sweet serene woman1 he had never seen her so bright4 ,calm she had usually been1 but seldom bright4 ,was this forced1 unnatural1 the result of over-strain8 ,come in1 pray come in1 ,mr4 ,mackenzie4 ,come in and sit down4 ,if you don't mind an economical cup of tea4 ,my husband and ,i are practising at once for the future4 ,no use to put off1 is it8 ,you see1 we cannot possibly afford any longer the most expensive ,souchong1 so ,i picked up a pound of one-and-sixpenny tea as ,i came along2 and we have made it with half the usual quantity4 ,it 'really' isn't bad4 ,like ,dickens' ,marchioness1 one only has to exercise one's imagination a little4 ,and1 after all1 the most important ingredient is real boiling water4 ,colin received his cup from those slender hands1 and had some difficulty in swallowing the first mouthful4 ,some cake1 or bread and butter8 ,i did not tell your wife about our affairs because ,i thought it would take too long1 as she had a good deal to say first4 ,so you must explain it all to her1 and say that it is nothing for her to fret about4 ,is it1 dear8 lovingly to her husband4 ,the less one has to carry in life1 the more lightly one ought to be able to go6 ,colin might appropriately have delivered his message here1 but he was in no state of mind to remember it4 ,most people think the burden of anxiety a great deal heavier than the burden of wealth1 he could not help saying4 ,if one must be anxious1 she said1 smiling a little4 ,for my part1 ,i am sure of one thing1 observed ,mr4 ,landor placidly1 and that is that it is worth a great deal to know what sort of a wife one has4 ,i thought ,i did know before--pretty well--but it seems ,i didn't6 ,why1 the whole matter is so simple4 ,mrs4 ,landor was too much interested in her view of the question to notice at the moment what he said4 ,so very simple and plain4 ,all these years ,god has chosen to give us money in plenty1 to use for ,him2 and ,i do think we have tried to use it rightly4 ,and now ,he has chosen to take it away4 ,hasn't ,he a perfect right to do as ,he will8 ,it is ,his1 not ours4 ,i do think it would be so utterly ungrateful of us to grumble4 ,i am afraid if ,i had lost everything-- ,ah1 everything6 she echoed with a quick breath4 ,but it is not that4 ,not everything6 ,my husband is left to me still4 ,and our health4 ,it is not like ,job4 ,if health broke down1 or if the call came to me to go1 you would say the same still1 my dear1 interposed the ,rector4 ,i know you would1 because it would still be ,his will4 ,mrs4 ,landor smiled again1 though tears were in her eyes4 ,few would feel as you do1 in your position1 said ,colin4 ,perhaps because they have been accustomed to look upon the money as strictly their own4 ,i do not think we have ever done that4 ,she spoke in a thoughtful tone1 as if considering the question4 ,it is harder for her than for me1 the old ,rector said softly1 looking towards ,colin4 ,i was poor for years before ,i married1 and she does not know what it is to be poor4 ,so every one tells me4 ,but is not the unknown sometimes more alarming than what one does know8 ,well1 we are to have a new experience together--you and ,i6 ,it will be a new kind of life entirely4 ,we shall have to make every single penny go as far as it possibly can1 instead of never troubling one's head about the matter4 ,i am bent on proving that1 at least1 luxury has not spoiled me1 ,mr4 ,mackenzie4 ,don't think ,i am putting on a cheerfulness which ,i do not really feel4 ,perhaps1 as my husband says1 ,i don't know what it all means as yet4 ,but what ,i 'cannot' understand is the sense of doubt and terror in looking forward1 which ,i seem to be expected to feel4 ,of course there is uncertainty4 ,we have not the least idea how we are to manage4 ,expenses must be cut down to the utmost2 and even then it is a mystery in what way we can get along4 ,only--we shall get along6 ,we simply have to wait till the 'how' becomes clear4 ,i suppose something always turns up somehow1 remarked ,colin1 in a reflection of his wife's favourite tone4 ,is that enough for you8 ,it would not be for me4 ',something turning up somehow' sounds dreary4 ,with me it is the direct and positive care of a ,father for ,his child2 not a mere turning up of something1 one hardly knows how4 ,of course1 one is left in the dark now and then--if only to give one the opportunity of trusting ,him6--and of course we have to do the very utmost that we can do towards helping ourselves4 ,but when we can do no more1 and still it is not sufficient1 then comes the waiting1 because it is just there that ,god steps in4 ,if everybody felt as sure4 ,does 'everybody' know ,god well enough8 she asked with a curious keen smile4 ,even on earth one must know a person before one can repose trust in him2 and for the absolute repose of perfect trust1 very full knowledge of his character is needful4 ,not quite everybody knows ,god so well as that6 ,no1 indeed6 ,colin spoke in a conscience-stricken voice4 ,and yet--one may4 ,it is ,his wish for us all4 ,and when one does know ,him1 even a little1 all is altered by it4 ,without any boasting1 but just as a matter of common reasonableness1 ,i am absolutely sure that ,he will take care of us4 ,absolutely sure6 ,that ,he should fail us in our need is1 ,i know1 a thing impossible4 ,then what nonsense it would be to fret and worry4 ,why should we feel anxious1 any more than your ,flo does8 ,she knows you will provide for her1 to the extent of your power--knows it with a perfectly undoubting trust in your love4 ,your powers are limited1 and you might fail in providing for her1 not through lack of love1 but through poverty of means4 ,my ,father's powers are without limit2 and ,his love is boundless4 ,would it not be the height of absurdity for us to keep worrying about the future1 when we 'know' that ,he will supply all our needs8 ,all our real needs4 ,we may have to do without a good many things that we are used to1 but what then8 ,it may be something of a trial4 ,just a little of life's discipline1 and no more6 ,don't you see8--with a smile which had become positively radiant4 ,it had a quiet reflection in her husband's face4 ,colin listened1 like one dumbfoundered4 ,another manner of trust1 this1 from any exercised by himself6 99 99 99 99 99 ,was ,euphrasia not at all an interesting invalid8 ,howard ,johnston1 recalling his mother's words1 began to doubt their truth--not so much with respect to himself1 as with respect to his cousin1 the doctor4 ,howard still held that ,euphrasia was a sensible girl1 and he liked her for being sensible4 ,that was all4 ,he felt nothing more than a general approval1 a general wish to be polite and kind to an unfortunate guest4 ,but apparently that was by no means all1 so far as ,robert ,wells was concerned4 ,so much the better1 thought ,howard4 ,everybody had long said that ,mr4 ,wells ought to marry2 and he had shown himself reprehensibly slow in following this wise advice4 ,his position as a medical man was good1 and it promised to be better1 and his patients liked him3 but year after year he remained wifeless4 ,possibly he had once wanted a wife whom he could not get1 and the failure might have left him indisposed to try again4 ,he could quite well afford to marry4 ,if he chose to fall in love with the penniless daughter of the ,manager of a country ,branch ,bank1 there was no reason whatever why he should not ask her to be his wife4 ,he was not entirely dependent upon his profession1 and he had no near relatives dependent upon him4 ,this was ,howard's view of the matter4 ,and he watched the doctor's growing absorption in ,euphrasia ,mackenzie with amused interest1 saying nothing to anybody4 ,had he suggested such a notion to his mother1 she would doubtless have exerted all her faculties to put a spoke in the wheel4 ,the dullest period of ,euphrasia's imprisonment was now over4 ,long hours of enforced thought had been good for her1 as many things are good for us1 not at the time enjoyable2 and all her life she would be the better in character for that trying experience4 ,now1 however1 she was kept well supplied with books1 and she was able to enjoy them4 ,the knee had steadily improved1 although she was still forbidden to walk more than a few steps1 and the doctor had thus far declined to hear any mention of a journey4 ,euphrasia saw signs of growing impatience in her friend1 and even ,mrs4 ,johnston's politeness failed to conceal entirely a measure of the same4 ,one budget of letters had arrived from home1 nearly a week old when despatched1 as notified by an outside inscription2 and further letters failed again to come4 ,but at least she knew that nothing was seriously wrong with her father4 ,the services of a certain fine gentleman belowstairs were not required for the wheeling of ,euphrasia's couch from room to room1 since the doctor himself always undertook that office during his morning visit4 ,and in the afternoon1 earlier or later1 ,howard was unusually to the fore4 ,euphrasia was not permitted to protest4 ,it was only a pleasure with them both4 ,were these daily visits from the doctor an absolute necessity8 ,euphrasia had her doubts on that score4 ,he looked at the knee every day1 and asked questions1 but little could be done beyond ordering continued rest4 ,he almost invariably stayed for a chat1 sometimes as long as twenty minutes or half-an-hour2 and ,euphrasia would have felt very dull without these cheery visits4 ,she had learnt quite to look forward to them through the twenty-four hours4 ,if only they would not all have to be paid for6 ,there was the rub4 ,euphrasia's heart sometimes went down to a low level1 at the thought of the future bill in connection with the state of home finances4 ,was it truly needful that he should examine the knee so often8 ,if not1 kind though his attentions might be1 ,euphrasia could not feel that she would be right to let things continue thus4 ,she debated much with herself1 and several times resolved to put out a most delicate feeler of one kind or another1 to discover whether1 perhaps1 twice a week might not be sufficient4 ,but ,euphrasia was not gifted in the art of putting out delicate feelers1 and when it came to the point1 she always failed to say anything at all4 ,he was so pleasant1 and it would be so horrid to hurt his feelings4 ,so she decided finally that the utmost she could do was to hasten her departure4 ,now that her month was almost ended1 matters might be pressed to a point4 ,it had been a long month1 very long--except the last few days4 ,she would be glad to get away--yes1 certainly1 very glad indeed to feel herself no longer an unwelcome burden on her friend's hospitality4 ,yes1 certainly1 very glad1 repeated ,euphrasia with emphasis1 just because she was aware of an opposite sensation below4 ,one strong regret was asserting itself1 and would not be put down2 one real pain1 in the thought of parting from ,mr4 ,wells4 ,he had not been only the doctor to her3 he had been a friend in a season of trouble4 ,looking back upon the past month1 she saw his figure more prominently than any other4 ,the prominence of any figure in one's surroundings depends1 after all1 mainly upon one's own interest in that figure4 ,would she ever see him again8 ,would she never see him again8 ,the question was unwelcome1 and it haunted her4 ,never again1 through all her life6 ,a second visit to the ,johnston lay beyond all bounds of probability4 ,she had no other friends in ,clifton4 ,west ,norton was an unlikely place for anybody to visit2 and in their little home1 they seldom entertained friends from a distance4 ,why should he and she ever meet again8 ,he had done his duty as doctor1 perhaps a good deal more than his bare duty because he was kind-hearted1 and because she had been lonely and uncomfortable4 ,and she was merely his patient1 a case to be dismissed when done with1 and thought about no more4 ,still1 she had to leave1 and her duty was to go so soon as she might4 ,the odd part of the matter was that1 after all her earlier impatience1 now the time for departure was near1 she did not want to go4 ,she had told herself that she would be glad1 but in her heart she knew she would not be glad4 ,notwithstanding all the unpleasantness of giving trouble to comparative strangers1 notwithstanding ,letitia's coldness1 and ,mrs4 ,johnston's hardly-veiled impatience1 she would have given much to feel herself compelled to stay another month4 ,euphrasia's very consciousness of this reluctance made her the more determined to bring about a decision4 ,i think ,i ought to write home now1 and tell them about my knee1 she said abruptly1 after much previous consideration4 ,and fix the day for going4 ,to which1 ,mr4 ,wells responded by a deliberate--,ah6 ,this is ,thursday4 ,could not ,i say ,saturday8 ,you are in a great hurry to run away from us all4 ,oh1 ,i should not like to stay a day longer than ,i must6 ,the words came back to herself with an ungracious sound in them2 and she saw the doctor biting his moustache4 ,please don't think ,i am not grateful2 ,i really am4 ,i have been such a bother all this time1 and you have been so kind to me4 ,but it wouldn't be right to put off any longer4 ,i ought to get home as soon as possible4 ,and-- hurriedly1 under a sudden impulse to use her opportunity1 knowing that ,mrs4 ,johnston would be back immediately--and1 if you don't mind1 ,i think before ,i go1 ,i ought just to know how much--,i mean1 if you could tell me1 so that ,i can tell my father--and then he would send to you as soon as--if you don't mind-- ,euphrasia fell into a hopeless bungle1 blushing more and more1 while ,mr4 ,wells looked so intensely grave that she feared she must have said exactly the wrong thing in her inexperience4 ,i think you know what ,i mean1 she faltered1 but he made no sign of comprehension4 ,you have been so often1 and--and--of course--of course there must be--owing-- the last word being hardly audible4 ,much too often1 under the circumstances1 if things were as you suppose4 ,but you know--but you must--but ,i could not--it would not be right1-- ,nothing else could be right1 or possible4 ,my cousins ought to have explained4 ,mrs4 ,johnston undertook to do so4 ,i am one of the family2 and you must please to regard my visits in that light4 ,nothing else is possible4 ,i didn't know1--,i mean1 ,i couldn't1 of course-- ,euphrasia came to another bungle1 actually trembling4 ,that he was pained at something she could see2 she did not exactly divine what4 ,why should he care at all8 ,please forgive me for asking you1 but indeed ,i do not think it is right4 ,it is a matter of course4 ,i am only sorry that you could suppose anything else to be possible1 said ,mr4 ,wells coldly4 ,mrs4 ,johnston's step could be heard returning4 ,she always came up with the doctor1 and very often used the opportunity of being up to attend to certain household matters in a neighbouring room1 since nothing would induce her nephew to be as quick about the knee as she desired4 ,but here she came1 and no more could be said4 ,robert ,wells bade an abrupt good-bye this day1 not remaining for his usual chat4 ,euphrasia felt bewildered4 ,had she seriously offended him8 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xiv ,,something ,,wrong ,,mr4 ,,wells was not entirely himself next morning1 when he appeared for his inevitable call1 hardly offended in the strict sense of the word1 but overwhelmingly grave and punctiliously polite4 ,instead of wheeling ,euphrasia1 as usual1 into the next room1 he allowed her to walk there1 with help from his arm4 ,and then remarked-- ,you are getting on well4 ,we did not fix your day for going home4 ,you wish to be off as early as possible4 ,mrs4 ,johnston1 overhearing this1 took herself off with great celerity1 to escape the need of pressing for a longer stay4 ,euphrasia's glance was apologetic1 almost to the extent of begging pardon4 ,i ought to go4 ,to-morrow is too soon4 ,monday1 if you like4 ,i should have preferred another week's delay1 as a measure of precaution1 but it is not essential4 ,to keep you here against your will is hardly fair4 ,oh1 but it is not-- ,euphrasia stopped4 ,and he went on1 as if he had not heard4 ,on ,monday ,i have to travel in your direction1 and1 if you do not object1 ,i can escort you part of the way4 ,the change of trains you could hardly manage alone4 ,i will see you through that1 and into your own train1 after which you will only have to sit still until you get to ,west ,norton4 ,somebody must meet you there4 ,it will not do for you to depend upon yourself4 ,a slight strain now would throw you back for weeks4 ,how good you are6 she said gratefully4 ,he put a slip of paper into her hand with unmoved countenance4 ,the trains are written down1 so you can tell your father when to meet you4 ,but it will be a trouble-- ,not in the least4 ,he spoke distantly still4 ,i have to go on business4 ,this letter was lying on the hall table4 ,oh1 thank you4 ,from my mother6 ,mr4 ,wells made an unusually rapid exit1 and ,euphrasia lay musing with the unopened envelope in her hand4 ,i must have said something to vex him yesterday1 but what could it have been8 ,he has not been like this before4 ,how could ,i guess that he meant it all as a friend8 ,nobody told me2 and it would have been such a cool thing to take for granted6 ,i don't think he ought to be annoyed--if he is annoyed6 ,i am not sure2 it is almost more like being pained or disappointed4 ,for ten minutes the letter in her hand was forgotten1 then she turned to it with a start of recollection--,oh1 how stupid6 ,what is the use of bothering myself8 ,if he does misunderstand1 ,i can't do anything to alter it4 ,fancy forgetting to open my letter6 ,within was a blotted scrawl from ,mrs4 ,mackenzie4 ,your father seems to think1 she wrote1 that there is no need to tell you what has happened until you come home4 ,but ,i really do not see the use of putting off1 and he says ,i am to do just as ,i like4 ,you will be coming back soon now1 ,i suppose1 and then of course you would have to know4 ,was this the dreaded failure and loss of all1 which ,euphrasia had so dwelt upon during the first weeks of her imprisonment8 ,she had not thought much of the matter lately1 her mind having been full of other subjects2 and the forgetfulness occurred to her as curious1 even while she eagerly glanced on to see what was wrong4 ,only think--is it not terrible8--the ,landors have lost nearly everything that they have6 ,positively almost everything6 ,all ,mrs4 ,landor's money is gone1 and the estate must be sold1 and nothing will be left4 ,i never understand business affairs properly1 but the ,company has failed in which her money was first made--at least1 in which her father's money was made1 which comes to the same thing4 ,and now it is all gone in one smash4 ,she has had difficulties the last few years--so we are told now--though nobody knew1 except of course her husband4 ,but things might have come right in time1 if it had not been for this failure1 which takes everybody by surprise1 the ,landors themselves as much as anybody4 ,they will have nothing left1 beyond ,mr4 ,landor's stipend of #he a year4 ,fancy having to live on that1 after what ,mrs4 ,landor has always been accustomed to6 ,nothing could be more sad4 ,i have cried half the time since first ,i heard what had happened4 ,mrs4 ,landor is very cheerful1 but she doesn't in the least know what it all means4 ,how should she8 ,she has never wanted anything that she could not get4 ,i cannot imagine what they are to do4 ,it is not like young people beginning life1 but at their age1 it is melancholy6 ,your father is a great deal better since this has happened4 ,it seems odd1 but having to think so much about the ,landors has quite roused him up and made a different man of him4 ,dr4 ,north said yesterday to me that really there is not much amiss with him1 if only he could believe it6 ,a change somewhere might do him good because it would mean something fresh to think about1 but this trouble of the ,landors seems to have had the same effect3 if only it will last4 ,in answer to the above1 ,euphrasia1 wrote1 after long cogitation3-- ,,dear ,,mother--,i can hardly believe what you have told me about ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,landor2 it is so very dreadful6 ,i am not writing to them now1 because ,i hope to see them so soon4 ,this is just a line to say that ,i am arranging to come home on ,monday4 ,i did not tell you before that ,i had a fall down several steps1 the very day that ,i came here1 and hurt my knee4 ,it was not worth while to make you all anxious1 and nothing could be done except to keep the knee perfectly still4 ,the doctor says it will be all right in time1 if ,i am careful for a while1 and it is a great deal better already1 only ,i am not allowed to use it much yet4 ,he is--the doctor1 ,i mean--a cousin of the ,johnstons1 so his visits will be no expense to us1 as he has only come as a friend4 ,i did not know this till a day or two ago1 and ,i have been rather afraid about the bill4 ,part of the time here was rather dull because ,i have been able to go nowhere4 ,i shall be so glad to see you all again4 ,mrs4 ,johnston is kind1 but ,i have found ,letitia much less of a friend than ,i expected4 ,i would not have stayed so long only ,i could not travel till ,mr4 ,wells gave me leave4 ,i am enclosing a paper of trains for ,monday4 ,mr4 ,wells has to go that way1 as it happens1 and he will see me into my train at the ,junction4 ,he has been very good and kind to me4 ,i do hope you will know him some day4 ,would my father or somebody meet me at our station because ,i shall want a little help in getting out of the train8 ,please give love to everybody1 and believe me ever1--,your affectionate child1 ,,euphrasia4 ,i knew it6 ,i was sure something was wrong6 exclaimed ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 on receipt of this letter4 ,she has not been like herself all through4 ,poor dear child6--just hiding from us how bad she was6 ,i hope it does not mean a lame knee for life4 ,that sort of injury is so troublesome4 ,i trust not1 indeed1 my dear6 ,of course1 the doctor would say the best he could to her1 but ,i know what knees are6 ,well1 ,i felt perfectly sure all along that things were not right2 and you see it has been just as ,i expected6 ,colin ,mackenzie might have assured his wife that she usually did feel sure of things not being right1 and that he did not find her by any means an invariably true prophetess4 ,but he wisely forbore from so useless an effort4 ,it may be that things have been more 'right' than they seem1 he suggested1 mindful of his visit to the ,rectory4 ,i do not think we can always judge4 ,euphrasia has shown a brave spirit1 dear child6--saying nothing about it all these weeks6 ,i will meet her at the ,junction and bring her home4 ,she cannot be fit for travelling alone4 ,that old doctor must be an uncommonly kind man6 ,only1 as we know1 the doctor was by no means old6 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xv ,,will ,,you8 ,,monday came1 and ,euphrasia went through her good-byes with no particular distress1 so far as ,mrs4 ,johnston and ,letitia were concerned4 ,she had not quite so soon to bid farewell to ,mr4 ,wells2 and something in her heart whispered that this would not be so light a matter4 ,but she tried to put aside the thought4 ,time enough when the moment should arrive4 ,mrs4 ,johnston had looked dubious when the scheme of ,euphrasia's escort was propounded to her4 ,yet after all it was only a matter of some forty minutes together in the train1 and ,euphrasia was such an uninteresting girl1 and ,robert1 though not very far over thirty1 might have passed for nearer forty4 ,and ,mrs4 ,johnston was extremely desirous to get ,euphrasia safely off her premises4 ,and if she raised difficulties1 there was no knowing what amount of delays might be the result4 ,so she left matters to arrange themselves4 ,and when a line came from ,mr4 ,mackenzie stating that he would be at the ,junction1 she wished she had not been so complaisant4 ,no doubt ,mr4 ,mackenzie would have agreed with equal readiness to come the whole distance to ,clifton--which would have been so much more correct6 she complained to ,letitia4 ,but it was then too late for any re-shaping of plans4 ,mr4 ,wells was grave still1 and disposed to silence1 albeit studiously attentive to his fellow-traveller's needs4 ,he had not once relaxed since the ,thursday interview4 ,and ,euphrasia was still puzzled whether to count that he had been displeased1 or only pained1 by aught that she had said--and if either1 by what8 ,puzzled though she might be1 however1 a certain womanly reticence withheld her from making any attempt at explanation or apology4 ,mr4 ,wells gave to ,euphrasia a ,graphic and occupied himself with the ,times4 ,he seemed disposed to make a very limited use of this last opportunity for intercourse4 ,once and again he looked up to enquire briefly1 ,quite comfortable8 ,and receiving her assent1 he returned to his leading articles4 ,other passengers were in the same compartment4 ,indeed1 he had chosen a somewhat full carriage at starting1 but one after another vanished at successive stations4 ,and no new ones filled the vacant places4 ,the last of their companions got out at the last station before ,west ,norton4 ,only a few minutes more6 ,yet still the doctor read on1 or1 at all events1 he pretended to do so4 ,suddenly he stopped1 folded his paper neatly into a minute compass1 put it into his bag1 and glanced across at ,euphrasia1 with the remark-- ,nearly there6 ,yes6 ,a sense of the coming good-bye assailed ,euphrasia1 and a lump came into her throat4 ,this would not do6 ,she held it down fiercely4 ,the doctor looked her over with a calmly critical air of medical observation4 ,getting done up with your journey8 ,no1 thanks6 ,euphrasia spoke gruffly4 ,anything rather than to have him see what she felt1 if he did not feel the same2 and evidently he did not4 ,we shall be at the ,junction in five minutes or so4 ,you say your father will be there4 ,i shall give you over to him4 ,and have done with you6 occurred to ,euphrasia1 as an appropriate conclusion4 ,he had spoken in an odd cut-and-dried tone1 but something made ,euphrasia raise her eyes1 and she saw that the face belied the voice4 ,a curious pitying gentleness had crept into it1 and he leant forward to pull straight the light rug over her knees--a needless attention1 since they were just on the point of arriving4 ,euphrasia found herself disposed to tremble4 ,five minutes more6--less than five minutes6--and then1 perhaps1 never in life to meet again4 ,never1 after a whole month of daily intercourse4 ,true1 the month's intercourse might have meant absolutely nothing to either of them2 and in the majority of cases it would have meant nothing1 being purely a case of professional intercourse4 ,but--it 'had' meant more to her4 ,euphrasia knew now--she had not known before--to some extent how things were4 ,less than five minutes6 ,so much the better1 for fear she might betray herself4 ,and yet--if it had but been one more half-hour6 ,not in pain1 ,i hope8 came in a voice of grave concern4 ,euphrasia looked up again1 quite involuntarily1 to meet his gaze of kind enquiry4 ,to her utter horror1 she found her eyes suddenly full2 nay1 worse than full1 actually overflowing4 ,two great drops fell1 clear and visible1 despite all she could do4 ,euphrasia felt as if she could gladly have sunk into the floor of the compartment4 ,ah1 ,i was afraid that the journey might be rather too much for you1 said ,mr4 ,wells1 with no appearance of surprise4 ,you are not strong yet4 ,never mind2 a good rest by-and-by will put it all right4 ,he bent forward1 and continued--,do you think that some day ,i might venture to find my way to your home8 ,i have your ,west ,norton address4 ,the reserve on which ,euphrasia was wont to pride herself scarcely served in the present emergency4 ,it was impossible that the doctor should fail to see the change in her face4 ,oh do6 she said eagerly4 ,oh do6 ,then alarmed at her own delight--,i am sure--quite sure--they would all be so glad4 ,my father-- ,your father would not object8 ,o no1 indeed6 ,and would you be1 perhaps1 just a slight degree pleased too--yourself8 ,the train was slackening outside the station1 not yet at the platform4 ,a minute or two remained4 ,euphrasia could only say shyly--,o yes6 ,adding after a pause--,you have been so good to me4 ,do you think you could let me go on being 'good' to you8 ,robert had not intended to say more at present4 ,in fact1 he had very nearly come to a settled conclusion never to say anything more at all because ,miss ,mackenzie so evidently regarded him from nothing more nor less than the professional point of view4 ,but her sudden and unmistakable distress put a new face on matters1 and severely shook his resolution4 ,suppose1 after all1 that he were mistaken--that she did care8 ,i almost thought1 last week1 that your one wish was to see nothing more of any of us6 ,oh1 how could-- ,euphrasia broke off in confusion4 ,how could ,i think so8 ,people misread one another sometimes4 ,perhaps ,i fancied you would have understood better--have seen intuitively how things really were6 ,robert ,wells looked out of the window1 but the train remained motionless4 ,half-a-minute passed in silence4 ,then an impulse seized him1 too strong to be restrained1 and he spoke again3-- ,euphrasia1 could you make up your mind to be a doctor's wife8 ,will you be mine8 ,euphrasia almost gasped for breath4 ,the utmost for which she had definitely craved was that some day they might meet again1 that this parting should not be a parting for always4 ,she had wanted him still for a friend4 ,but--to be his wife6 ,did he mean it8 ,had she grasped his words in their true sense8 ,the train began to move4 ,we are just there1 said ,wells1 gently4 ,i don't want to hurry you4 ,shall ,i come to ,west ,norton for an answer in two or three days8 ,that would give you time8 ,o no6 ,euphrasia1 crimson and confused1 hardly knew what she said4 ,no6 ,the doctor's face fell4 ,he might be excused for not understanding4 ,i only mean--,oh1 ,i don't mean--,i do not want time--,i only-- ,you only do not quite know your own mind4 ,i have taken you too much by surprise4 ,euphrasia pulled herself together1 with a resolute effort1 and looked up at him once more1 her eyes full of a happy light4 ,yes1 ,i 'do' know1 she said4 ,and ,i mean--if my father is willing-- ,if he is willing-- ,i mean--,yes6 ,not more than twenty seconds remained to them1 but of those twenty ,robert ,wells made the best possible use4 ,then the train drew up1 and ,mr4 ,mackenzie's face appeared in the window4 ,euphrasia1 my dear6 ,welcome home6 ,better1 child8 ,why1 ,i never saw you look so well6 ,such a colour6 ,so your friend1 the old doctor1 did not come after all4 ,father1--'this' is ,mr4 ,wells6 murmured ,euphrasia1 unable to meet his gaze4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xvi ,,how ,,care ,,may ,,be ,,carried ,,so here is the fruit of your month's absence1 little ,eyebright6 ,to come back 'an engaged young person6' ,and not a hint of it to any of us beforehand6 ,mrs4 ,landor spoke in her cheeriest tones1 not in the least like one bearing a heavy burden4 ,this was the earliest meeting of the two4 ,robert ,wells had so far altered his plans as to go direct to ,west ,norton for three nights1 sleeping at the ,inn1 but spending two long days with the ,mackenzies4 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie would not soon forget that startling moment when her husband had first walked in1 with an excited whisper--,euphrasia and ,mr4 ,wells1 my dear6 ,a most nice young fellow6 ,and he wants our little ,eyebright6 ,the manner of the wanting was left to conjecture1 but ,mrs4 ,mackenzie hardly needed to ask an explanation of the term4 ,her answer was a dismayed exclamation--,but1 ,colin6 ,why1 ,colin6 ,nobody knows anything in the world about him6 ,robert ,wells was1 however1 a man to be rapidly known when he chose to open himself out2 and on this occasion1 he naturally did choose4 ,all went well for his wishes2 everybody was charmed with him4 ,and before he left the place1 full consent to the engagement had been accorded4 ,euphrasia could hardly believe in her own happiness1 as the saying goes4 ,in point of fact1 she did believe in it very thoroughly1 and felt supremely joyous4 ,her whole being expanded2 and the face which most people counted plain had never been so nearly pretty4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie thought it more than pretty1 with so tender a gleam in the gray eyes2 and what ,robert ,wells thought is hardly worth while to enquire4 ,she had to remain indoors1 to rest the knee after its journey4 ,and nothing would content ,mr4 ,mackenzie short of conducting his future son-in-law round the place1 to visit their most intimate friends4 ,euphrasia might have murmured at being necessarily left behind1 but she was far too happy for her serenity to be so easily upset4 ,she was only delighted with her father's satisfaction in ,robert4 ,now the doctor was gone1 but only for a time4 ,he would soon run over again1 for a peep at his ,eyebright6 ,he had adopted with readiness the home pet name4 ,and in no long time1 the wedding would have to be discussed1 ,robert having intimated pretty plainly that so far as his voice in the matter was concerned1 he was in no mind for a long delay4 ,meanwhile1 he had invited ,colin ,mackenzie to spend two or three weeks with him in ,clifton by way of needed change1 and for the purpose of their becoming more fully acquainted4 ,when he had vanished1 and not before1 ,mrs4 ,landor appeared1 for a good chat with ,euphrasia4 ,i want the child to tell me all about it1 she said4 ,and they were left alone together4 ,so here is the fruit of your month's absence1 little ,eyebright6 she repeated4 ,and not a word to any of us beforehand6 ,how could ,i8 asked ,euphrasia1 blushing4 ,i didn't know--really4 ,i only knew--just that ,i liked him very much4 ,and he only spoke in the very last moment4 ,three seconds before the train got in6 ,yes1 ,i heard4 ,a most original mode of proceeding6 ,if your answer had been a ',no1' he could have decamped instantaneously1 and never been heard of more6 ,he went to see you4 ,euphrasia spoke wistfully4 ,he did2 and ,i liked him--so far as one can tell in a quarter of an hour4 ,i am not often mistaken in first impressions4 ,perhaps ,i might even like him very much indeed1 if ,i knew him very well indeed4 ,it seems almost too much happiness to be true6 ,ah1--,i wouldn't say that4 ,it springs from a false idea4 ,nothing is ever too great happiness to be true4 ,we are made for happiness4 ,god loves us so well that ,he would fain have us always happy4 ,only we do not always use the happiness rightly1 and so we cannot always be trusted with an abundant supply of it4 ,i hope ,i shall use this rightly4 ,oh1 ,i hope ,i shall4 ,robert is so good and kind4 ,that is right4 ,you ought to feel so4 ,now tell me all about him1 child4 ,euphrasia obeyed to the best of her power1 and at least she succeeded in showing the completeness of her own trust in ,robert ,wells4 ,but doesn't it seem-- she asked1 doesn't it almost seem as if ,i were rewarded for being naughty8 ,i did not half think that ,i was right to go to ,clifton at all2 and yet ,i went4 ,was that right8 ,and yet1 if ,i had not gone1 ,i should never have known ,robert6 ,you cannot say that4 ,he and you might have met elsewhere4 ,but still-- ,do you remember that verse in the ,prayer ,book version of the ,psalms--',he will not be always chiding'8 ,i would not1 if ,i were you1 get into a way of expecting ,god to be 'always chiding4' ,he does not chide except when it is really needful4 ,if you did what was wrong1 then probably you have had your punishment--your required discipline--in the accident and the dull days following1 not to speak of the disappointment in your friend1 from whom you had expected so much4 ,some of that time was rather hard to bear1 was it not8 ,and perhaps you did bear it patiently2 and then in love and kindness1 this joy was brought to you1 out of your very discipline4 ,one sees that sort of thing so often with those who love and trust ,him6 ,and ,i have not said one word about your trouble1 ,euphrasia presently observed4 ,but indeed ,i have been thinking about you a great deal4 ,i am so very very sorry6 ,people waste far too much pity upon us4 ,life has plenty of happiness still1 without wealth4 ,i don't say that the loss of money is not in any sense a trial4 ,of course1 it is meant to be that1 but ,i 'do' say ,i would not have things otherwise1 if this is ,god's will for us6 ,only it seems so hard-- ,not hard6 ,to some extent trying1 but we have to expect trials4 ,things may turn out better than we at present venture to hope4 ,if not1 we shall be provided for1--one way or another4 ,no one ever yet trusted ,god1 and found ,him to fail4 ,and we do trust ,him4 ,she passed her hand softly over ,euphrasia's1 a smile on her face4 ,i am not boasting4 ,a child does not boast of trusting his mother's love and care6 ,he trusts because he knows what she is1 because he cannot help it6 ,it is no matter for boasting1 but only for delight 4 4 4 ,curious that ,i should have had for years a kind of longing to be allowed more opportunity for trust4 ,where one loves much1 one likes to be able to show the love by action4 ,and ,i have always been so amply provided for--never the smallest chance of unsupplied needs--never any loophole for wants being supplied straight from above4 ,room enough for trust and dependence in spiritual matters1 but not as to everyday needs4 ,it has always seemed to me that probably ,i couldn't be trusted with that4 ,i have often thought how beautiful it must be to sit1 like ,elijah1 waiting for the ravens1 perfectly sure that they could never fail to come4 ,of course1 ,i do not mean1 sitting idly1 not doing one's utmost2 only when one's utmost is done1 and the needs are not supplied1 'then' to wait for ,divine action4 ,ravens6 ,modern ravens would not wear black feathers1 child4 ,they come just as straight from ,god4 ,but ,i have feared presumption in having such thoughts1 and ,i have not allowed myself to wish4 ,now that this has come quite independently of anything we could do1 it 'does' seem that to wait on them for daily bread may be very sweet--always knowing that ,he can never by any possibility fail ,his children4 ,ought everybody to feel so8 ,i do not think the same lessons are given to all4 ,people are differently constituted1 for one matter1 and they have to be put into different classes in the ,divine training-school4 ,the same teaching is not adapted for all characters--perhaps could not be learnt by all4 ,but such thoughts help me1 till we can see our way4 ,at present we cannot4 ,to live in a house the size of this ,rectory1 on #he a year1 with all the ,parish claims in addition1 seems an utter impossibility4 ,but then1 if we saw at once exactly how to manage1 we should not need to trust and wait4 ,and you don't even feel anxious8 ,i think--not what you mean by 'anxious4' ,i 'see' the difficulties and the uncertainties4 ,but the coming guidance is so very sure1 that one cannot feel bowed down by it4 ,trust does not mean not realising4 ,my dear child1 why should we be anxious8 ,it will be all right one way or another--whether we stay here1 or go elsewhere4 99 99 99 99 99 ,one little drawback ,euphrasia saw in her bright future1 which otherwise seemed cloudless1 and that was the fact of a home near the ,johnstons4 ,could she have chosen1 she would undoubtedly have preferred almost any other place than ,clifton4 ,but choice did not exist4 ,she waited1 with some trepidation1 the first intimation of ,robert having been to ,royal ,york ,crescent4 ,and when it came1 her fears proved to have been needless4 ,mrs4 ,johnston would beforehand have done all in her power to have prevented so imprudent a match1 had she foreseen it4 ,now1 however1 that the thing was inevitable1 she was far too wise a woman of the world to show ineffectual disgust4 ,her letter of congratulation to ,euphrasia1 if not entirely sincere1 was at least as to its phraseology all that it ought to have been4 ,three months' delay ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,mackenzie begged that they might have a little taste of their eldest child at home1 before she left them altogether4 ,and then the wedding came off4 ,on that very same day1 tidings were received that ,mrs4 ,landor's property having sold unexpectedly well1 and certain other matters having reached a better consummation than had been feared1 enough would be saved from the wreck to ensure an income of over #bej per annum1 in addition to the ,rector's small stipend4 ,it will not be quite like waiting for the ravens now6 murmured ,euphrasia1 as she clung to her friend in the very moment of parting--when she was no longer ,euphrasia ,mackenzie1 but ,euphrasia ,wells4 ,i have often noticed in life1 ,mrs4 ,landor said placidly1 that when some trouble is held out to us1 if we say at once--'even so6'--then it is taken away1 or perhaps lessened 4 4 4 ,always6 ,no1 not always2 only now and then6 4 4 4 ,waiting for ravens6 ,no1 indeed4 ,we shall be positively rich1 in comparison with what we have been expecting4 ,you did not 'wish' for the other6 ,you are not disappointed8 ,disappointed to have greater ease6 ,my dear child1 what ,i want is not to choose--to be willing either way4 ,and now you are off6 ,i have no right to keep you here4 ,let me hear soon1 ,little ,eyebright4 ,and do not be afraid to feel 'too happy6' ,,the ,,end