,,toa/s                ,,& ,,=ms ,,(    
,,public ,,address                 ,,=  
,,^? ,,:o ,,wi% ,,to ,,say              
,,! ,,"r ,,?+ ,,9 ,,! ,,"r ,,way        
,,by                       ,,william    
,,pitt5g]     ,,cont5ts   ,,introduction
 ,,aft]-,,d9n] ,,spee*es--,,anci5t ,,&  
,,mod]n ,,value ,,( ,a ,,good ,,/ory ,,&
 ,,h[ ,,to ,,introduce ,,x ,,purpose ,,(
 ,,aft]-,,d9n] ,,speak+ ,,"s ,a ,b ,c   
,,directions ,,= ,,mak+ ,,spee*es1      
,,toa/s1 ,,& ,,responses ,,holiday      
,,spee*es   ,f\r? ( ,july   ,memorial   
,day   ,wa%+ton's ,bir?day   ,*ri/mas   
,?anksgiv+ ,,pres5tation ,,addresses    
,,addresses ,,( ,,welcome ,,w$d+ ,,&    
,,o!r ,,anniv]s>ies ,,toa/s   ,s5tim5ts 
,sugge/$ by a ,toa/   ,miscellane\s     
,toa/s   ,humor\s ,toa/s ,,miscellane\s 
,,addresses   ,c5t5nial or              
,semi-,c5t5nial   ,d$ication ( a        
,monum5t or ,unveil+ a ,/atue   ,bir?day
 ,celebration   ,reception   ,responses 
to ,toa/s at a ,d9n]   ,responses to    
,toa/s to ,! ,navy   ,responses to      

,toa/s to ,g5]al ,jackson   ,responses  
to ,toa/s to ,! ,work+man   ,nom9at+ a  
,c&idate   ,accept+ a ,nom9ation        
,spee* 9 a ,political ,canvass   ,spee* 
aft] a ,political ,victory   ,spee* aft]
 a ,political ,defeat   ,a ,*airman's or
 ,presid5t's ,spee*   ,= ,any ,occasion 
,,illu/rative ,,& ,,humor\s ,,anecdotes 
,,index ,,( ,,toa/s ,,index ,,(         
,,anecdotes     ,,introduction   ,!     
au?or ( ?is manual has at v>i\s int]vals
 prep>$ sev]al treatises relat+ to ! art
 ( spee*4 ,_! wide circulation is an    
indication ( ! dem& = works ^u ?is      
subject4 ,!y 7 int5d$ to embrace !      
pr9ciples :i* gov]n spee*-mak+ 9 ! =um1 
9 ! pulpit1 or at ! b>4 ,:ile ^! d n    
diff] ess5tially f ! pr9ciples          
applicable to occasions :]e ! object is 
only ent]ta9m5t1 yet !re are c]ta9      
well-def9$ diff]5ces :i* x is ! purpose 
( ?is little volume to po9t out4 ,we    
hope ?us to r5d] ! same s]vice to a     
p]son :o is call$ ^u to (f] or respond  
to a toa/ 9 a convivial assembly1 z !   

au?or's previ\s volumes r5d]$ to ^?     
prep>+ to speak ^u subjects ( a s]i\s & 
practical nature4  ,t help is ne$$1 &   
may be af=d$1 no "o w d5y4 ,a novice    
call$ ^u to p>ticipate 9 ! ex]cises ( a 
public banquet1 an anniv]s>y1 or o!r    
ent]ta9m5t1 unless he has an exp]i5c$   
fri5d to give him a few h9ts or advice1 
is apt to be dismay$4 ,he does n ev5 "k 
h[ to make a />t 9 ! "w ( prep>ation1 & 
8 s5se ( inability & fe> ( blund]+ g f> 
to confuse & p>alyze :atev] native      
faculty he may h4 ,a book l ?is comes to
 him at su* a "t z re9=cem5ts to a      
sorely press$ army 9 ! v crisis ( a     
battle4 ,z he reads1 "s ideas :i* seem  
practical1 fla% ^u him4 ,he le>ns :at   
o!rs be=e him h done4 ,if he is to (f] a
 toa/1 he exam9es ! li/ furni%$ 9 ?is   
volume1 f9d+ "o p]haps t pleases him1 or
 "o is sugge/$ :i* is bett] adapt$ to 8 
purpose ?an any 9 ! book1 & he wond]s at
 ! /upidity ( ! au?or 9 omitt+ x4 ,soon 
he becomes q int]e/$ 9 ?is sugge/$ toa/1
 & comp>es x ) ^? 9 ! li/ to f9d out    

:]e9 x diff]s4 ,?us gradually &         
unconsci\sly he has prep>$ himself = !  
"p he is to p]=m4  ,or if invit$ to     
respond to a toa/1 he passes ?r\gh a    
simil> exp]i5ce4 ,he may f9d ! outl9e ( 
a spee* on t v topic2 he ei!r uses x z x
 is pr9t$ or makes an ef=t to improve x 
by abridgm5t or enl>gem5t4 ,next he     
looks ?r\gh ! treasury ( anecdotes1     
selects "o1 or calls to m9d "o he has   
read else:]e :i* he consid]s bett]4 ,he 
!n /udies bo? ( !m 9 _! be>+s on !      
subject ^u :i* he is to speak1 & longs =
 ! h\r to arrive1 :5 he w surprise &    
delight 8 fri5ds by 8 p]=mance4 ,he     
rises to speak consci\s t he kn[s a     
great deal1 n only ab\t ! toa/ assign$  
to him1 b ab\t o!r toa/s z well--feels t
 he has some?+ to say :i*1 at lea/1 w   
fill 9 ! "t1 & save him f confusion &   
discr$it4 ,he ev5 hopes to w9 applause  
by means ( ! /ories & happy turns ) :i* 
8 spee* is int]sp]s$4  ,he has ?us      
satisfactorily tak5 ! fir/ /ep t[>d     
becom+ a ready & ent]ta9+ aft]-d9n]     

speak]4 ,! s5se ( kn[+ h[ to d :at is   
expect$ ( him has a wond]fully quiet+   
effect ^u 8 n]ves2 & ?us ! /udy ( ?is   
book w greatly add to ! confid5ce ( a   
speak]1 & ! effectiv5ess ( 8 deliv]y4   
,:atev] graces ( mann] he possesses w   
become available1 in/ead ( be+ subv]t$  
by an ov]ma/]+ fe>4  ,x is n easy to    
m5tion all ! uses ( su* a manual4 ,"o :o
 has be5 accu/om$ to speak+1 b fe>s he  
is gett+ into a rut1 c turn to ?is      
text-book & f9d some?+ :i* is n s       
di/ress+ly 8 own1 t 8 fri5ds expect him 
to p>ade x be=e !m on all occasions4    
,he may glance ov] ! outl9e ( a spee*   
altoge!r new & /range to him1 & endeavor
 to adapt x to 8 own use2 or he may     
weave toge!r fragm5ts ( sev]al spee*es1 
or take ! framework ( "o & con/ruct ^u x
 a spee* :i* w enable him to make a new 
dep>ture4 ,a writ] sometimes1 aft] ye>s 
( practice1 f9ds x difficult to beg9 !  
composition ( "s simple reception or    
commemorative address2 b ! read+ ( a    
meagre outl9e1 n "o ^w or idea ( :i* may

 be directly us$1 s]ves to break ! spell
 ( intellectual slo? or in]tia1 & />ts  
him ^u 8 "w briskly & hopefully4  ,!    
field cov]$ by ! pres5t volume is n     
entirely unoccupi$4 ,"o ( ! e>lie/      
publications 9 ?is l9e is an anonym\s   
,engli% "w1 v dignifi$ & cons]vative4 ,!
 spee*es x furni%es are pa9/ak+1 b a    
trifle heavy1 & savor s mu* ( ,engli%   
modes ( expression1 z well z ?\ght &    
cu/oms1 z to be poorly adapt$ to ?is    
c\ntry4 ,two works h appe>$ 9 ?is       
c\ntry1 also1 "o be+ int5d$ app>5tly =  
w9e p>ties only2 ! o!r1 :ile conta9+ a  
numb] ( gem-l little spee*es1 fails to  
give ! aid :i* is s\ght by ! ord9>y     
tyro1 & is calculat$ r to disc\rage him2
 giv+ him ! impression t x is m         
difficult to become an acceptable       
aft]-d9n] speak] ?an he _h ev] suppos$4 
,:ile a few ( ! be/ ?+s 9 ! latt] volume
 are avail$ (1 a diff]5t me?od is pursu$
 9 ! pres5t "w4 ,outl9es ( spee*es are  
pref]r$ to ^? :i* are fully elaborat$2 &
 ! few pla9 rules1 by :i* a ?+ s in=mal 

& easy z an aft]-d9n] spee* may be      
produc$1 are s illu/rat$ z to make _!   
application almo/ a matt] ( c\rse4      
,good-humor & brevity1 an outl9e & a    
/ory--:at m is ne$$1 unless x be t s]5e 
self-confid5ce :i* enables a speak] to  
say ev5 fooli% & absurd ?+s1 ) !        
assurance t all goes d[n at a public    
d9n]8 ,:at if y are n ! mo/ brilliant1  
humor\s1 & /irr+ speak] ( ! ev5+8 ,aim  
to fill y\r place )\t discr$it2 obs]ve  
closely ^? :o make a great success2 !   
next "t y may h a bett] outl9e or m     
tell+ /ory1 & become1 be=e y "k x1 !    
lead] ( ! ev5+4  ,x is n int5d$ to give 
rules or directions = ! ord] ei!r (     
dr9k+ or fea/+4 ,t field is fully       
occupi$4 ,b ! cu/om ( mak+ addresses at 
! close ( a fea/ has1 be5 s ?or\ghly    
e/abli%$1 & s frequ5t are ^! occasions1 
t a g5tleman is n fully equipp$ = a     
place 9 society1 if he _c gracefully (f]
 or respond to a toa/1 or preside at a  
ga!r+ :]e toa/s or o!r =ms ( aft]-d9n]  
speak+ are expect$4 ,x is ! aim ( ?is   

manual to help ! beg9n] 9 ?is field4    
,,aft]-,,d9n] ,,spee*es--,,anci5t ,,&   
,,mod]n   ,an idea ( ! real mean+ (     
aft]-d9n] speak+ may be obta9$ f !      
feudal fea/s ( e>li] times4 ,! old "l or
 b>on ( ! ,middle ,ages p>took ( 8      
pr9cipal meal 9 ! great hall ( 8 ca/le1 
surr\nd$ by gue/s1 ea* be+ assign$ 8    
place 9 =mal ord] & ) no small degree ( 
c]emony4 ,?is hall 0 ! ma9 feature ( !  
ca/le4 ,!re all ! family & gue/s met on 
frequ5t fe/al occasions1 & aft] ! fea/+ 
& ! h\r ( c]emony & m ref9$ ent]ta9m5t 0
 ov]1 retir$ to re/ 9 comp>atively small
 & humble ap>tm5ts adjo9+1 ?\gh         
sometimes !y w\ld simply wrap _! cloaks 
ab\t !m1 & lie d[n to sleep on ! ru%es t
 litt]$ ! floor ( ! great hall4  ,aft] !
 rage ( hung] 0 appeas$--:i* !n1 z 9 our
 day1 & back ev5 z f> z ! "t ( ! anci5t 
,greeks1 0 ! fir/ bus9ess 9 ord]--came !
 social h\r1 :i* meant mu* to ! dwell]s 
9 ^? dull1 com=tless old b>racks--= !   
great ca/les ( t day 7 little bett] ?an 
b>racks4 ,! *ief gave ! signal = talk1  

music1 or /ory1 previ\s to :i*1 any     
inquiries or conv]sation1 o!r ?an !     
briefe/ "q & answ] ab\t ! food or o!r   
necess>y ?+s1 w\ld h be5 consid]$       
inappropriate & disrespectful4 ,!re     
probably 0 pres5t "s gue/1 :o came "u   
circum/ances t awak5$ ! /ronge/         
curiosity or :o _h a claim ^u 8         
ent]ta9]4 ,su* a gue/ 0 plac$ at ! bo>d 
9 a position correspond+ to 8 rank4     
,aft] re/+ & p>tak+ ( ! repa/1 x 0      
p]t95t to he> :at acc\nt he c\ld give ( 
himself1 & c\rtesy p]mitt$ ! ho/ to levy
 an intellectual tax ^u him1 z a        
contribution to ! joy ( ! h\r4 ,seat$ at
 ! head ( ! table ! *ief1 or1 9 8       
abs5ce1 a repres5tative1 made ! op5+    
spee*--! address ( welcome1 to use ! t]m
 famili> to ourselves4 ,?is might be v  
brief or at consid]able l5g?2 x might   
sugge/ inquiries ( any ( ! company or   
m]ely pl$ge an att5tive & c\rte\s he>+  
to :atev] ! gue/ might utt]2 x might    
ref] to ! pa/ glory ( ! ca/le & its "l1 
or vaunt its pres5t greatness & active  

occupation4  ,b :atev] =m x might take x
 0 sure to consi/--z addresses ( welcome
 9 all ages h done--( two words1 by     
dext]\sly us+ :i*1 any man c make a good
 spee* ( ?is "*4 ,^! two words are ,we &
 ,y2 & all else n connect$ ) ^! is      
irrelevant & useless4 ,!y d n con/itute 
two p>ts ( ! same spee* b ord9>ily play 
back & =?1 l a game ( battl$ore4 ,:o we 
are2 :at we h done2 h[ we saw y2 :at we 
h he>d ( y2 h[ great & good y are ?\ght 
to be2 ! joy at y\r com+2 :at we n[ want
 to le>n ( y2 :at we wi% y to d2 h[ we  
desire a long] /ay or regret ! ne$ ( an 
e>ly dep>ture--all is a v>iation ( ! "o 
!me--we & y4  ,! old ,b>on probably said
 all ( ?is & mu* m 9 a lordly way1      
occupy+ a long] or %ort] "t1 )\t ev]    
dream+ t he 0 mak+ a spee*4 ,x 0 8      
ord9>y aft]-d9n] talk to ^? :om *ance or
 =tune br\ght )9 8 walls4 ,or1 if he    
prid$ himself ^u be+ a man ( few words1 
scorn+ ^! z fit only = wom5 & m9/rels1  
he w\ld simply rem9d ! gue/ t he 0 n[ at
 lib]ty to give su* an acc\nt ( himself1

 & to pref] su* reque/s z seem$         
agreeable to him4  ,! gue/ 0 !n expect$ 
to respond1 ?\gh ?is by no means 0 !    
rule4 ,! ho/ might wi% fir/ to call out 
m ( 8 own intellectual treasures4 ,?is  
he w\ld d by hav+ o!r occupants ( !     
ca/le speak fur!r words ( welcome1 or   
w\ld call ^u a m9/rel to s+ a song or   
relate "s de$ ( *ivalry4  ,:5 ! gue/ at 
la/ rises to speak1 x is /ill ! two     
pron\ns ) slightly *ang$ emphasis t play
 a conspicu\s "p4 ,! we may become ,i2 b
 ?is is no ess5tial *ange4 ,:]e ,i or we
 h be52 :at ,i h done1 suff]$1 or       
enjoy$2 h[ & :y ,i came "h2 h[ glad ,i  
am to be "h2 :at ,i h kn[n & he>d ( y2  
h[ we may help ea* o!r2 :at great       
ent]prises we c ent] ^u2 h[ ?ankful = ! 
good *e] & good words we he>4  ,9 !     
b>onial hall1 :i* =e%ad[$ ! family      
fireside ( lat] days1 ! dr9k+ 0 free &  
copi\s :il/ ! o!r portions ( !          
ent]ta9m5t 7 ( a g5]al "* & q protract$4
 ,mir?1 song1 ! rude je/1 anecdotes ( ! 
*ase or ( a battle1 or a rehe>sal ( !   

exp]i5ces ( e-day life1 7 all 9 place4  
,sometimes1 ! gue/s1 ov]p[]$ by _!      
libations1 are said to h fall5 "u !     
table & to h slumb]$ !re till surpris$  
by ! pale morn+ light4 ,!re 0 little ne$
 ( c]emony 9 su* fea/s1 & !re is little 
ne$ ( =mality or con/ra9t 9 ! f> diff]5t
 fe/al occasions ( ! pres5t "t4  ,:5 no 
gue/1 ei!r by *ance or invitation came  
to ! ca/le1 less v>iety c\ld be giv5 to 
! aft]-d9n] ent]ta9m5t1 & _m exp$i5ts 7 
requir$ to pass ! long h\rs t sometimes 
hung heavily on _! h&s4 ,!n ! use (     
,toa/s became an important feature4 ,!  
dr9k+ also 0 expect$ to ar\se int]e/1 b 
if x w5t on 9 sil5ce & gloom or amid !  
buzz ( trivial conv]sation 9 diff]5t    
p>ts ( ! hall ! unity ( ! h\r 0 m>r$ & !
 ev5+ 0 vot$ dull--! "l himself !n hav+ 
no m honor ?an 8 meane/ vassal4 ,b !    
toa/--no matt] h[ x orig9at$--rem$i$ all
 ?is4 ,a complim5t & a prov]b1 a spee* &
 a response1 h[ev] rude1 fix$ ! att5tion
 ( e "o at ! table1 & enabl$ ! "l to    
reta9 ! same lead]%ip at ! fea/ t he _h 

won 9 ! *ase or 9 battle4 ,he might     
himself propose a toa/ ( 8 own *oice or 
give ano!r p]mission to propose x4 ,he  
might !n designate "s humor\s or        
ent]ta9+ clansman to respond2 he might  
ei!r /imulate or repress ! zeal ( !     
gue/s1 & give unity to ea* "p ( !       
ent]ta9m5t & to ! :ole fea/4 ,= ^!      
reasons ! toa/ rose into popul>ity1 & is
 n[ (t5 us$--possibly x might be said   
g5]ally us$ if our own c\ntry alone be  
consid]$--ev5 :5 no dr9k+ at all is     
indulg$ 94  ,let u n[ take a look at an 
aft]-d9n] h\r ( ! pres5t day2 "o ( ! v  
late/ & mo/ approv$ patt]n4 ,! contra/ w
 n be )\t int]e/ & value4 ,! f>e at !   
d9n] is always invit+4 ,! company is    
l>ge4 ,good speak]s are secur$ 9        
advance4 ,ea* is giv5 an appropriate    
toa/1 ei!r to propose or respond to4    
,suppose x is a ,new ,engl& society     
celebrat+ ,=efa!rs' ,day 9 ,new ,york4  
,! *airman 7:o is usually ! presid5t ( !
 society7 rises1 & by t\*+ a bell1 rapp+
 on ! table1 or 9 "s o!r suitable mann]1

 attracts all eyes to himself4 ,he !n   
asks ! meet+ to come to ord]1 or if he  
pref]s ! =m1 to give att5tion4 ,!n he   
utt]s a few graceful commonplaces1 &    
calls ^u a gue/ to (f] ! lead+ toa/--n  
always ! *ief or mo/ int]e/+ "o4 ,:5 "o 
is rea*$ 9 :i* !re is a lively int]e/1  
"s di/+ui%$ p]son su* z ,*auncey ,m4    
,depew1 ! pr9ce ( aft]-d9n] speak]s1    
comes to ! front4 ,we give an outl9e (  
"o ( 8 addresses on ,=efa!rs' ,day1     
deliv]$ ,decemb] #bb;d1 #ahhb1 9        
response to ! toa/1 ,! ,half ,moon & !  
,mayfl[]4  ,9 read+ ?is address ! ,we & 
,y _c fail to be not$4 ,mr4 ,depew said 
he did n "k :y he %\ld be call$ ^u to   
celebrate 8 conqu]ors4 ,! ,yankees _h   
ov]come ! ,dut*1 & ! two races are m+l$4
 ,! speak] !n introduc$ ?ree f9e        
/ories--"o at ! exp5se ( ! ,dut* :o are 
sl[ 9 rea*+ _! ends4 ,a t5or s+] at !   
*ur* ( a celebrat$ prea*] said to ,mr4  
,depew1 ,y mu/ come aga91 ! fact is !   
,doctor & myself 7 n at our be/ la/     
,sunday morn+4 ,! second relat$ to !    

inquisitiv5ess ( a p]son :o express$    
himself ?us to ! guide ^u ! e/ate ( !   
,duke ( ,we/m9/]3 ,:at1 y c't tell h[   
mu* ! h\se co/ or :at ! f>m yields an   
acre1 or :at ! old man's income is1 or  
h[ mu* he is wor?8 ,don't y ,briti%]s "k
 any?+8 ,! ?ird /ory1 ne> ! close1 set  
(f ,yankee complac5cy4 ,a ,new ,engl&   
girl mi/ook ! fir/ mile-/one f ,bo/on = 
a tomb/one1 & read+ its inscription #a  
,m4 f ,bo/on1 said ,i'm f ,bo/on2 h[    
simple2 h[ suffici5t4  ,! s]i\s "p ( !  
disc\rse 0 a rapid /atem5t ( ! pr9ciples
 repres5t$ by ! ,dut* pione] %ip ,half  
,moon & ! ,pilgrim ,mayfl[]2 ! elem5ts (
 ea* contribut$ to national "* &        
progress4 7,= spee* 9 full see ,depew's 
,spee*es1 ,vol4 ,i47  ,o!r toa/s &      
responses foll[$2 eloqu5ce & humor m+l$ 
until ! small h\rs ( ! night4 ,probably 
n "o ( t pleas$ & brilliant assemblage =
 a mom5t ?\ght t !y 7 do+ at ?is        
anniv]s>y :at _! old1 b>b>ic ance/ors   
did nightly1 :ile re/+ aft] a bord] =ay 
or ,vik+ sea raid4     ,,! ,,value ,,(  

,a ,,good ,,/ory ,,& ,,h[ ,,to          
,,introduce ,,x4   ,no matt] h[         
inexp]i5c$ a speak] may be or h[ /amm]+ 
8 utt]ance1 if he c tell a good /ory1 ! 
av]age d9n] p>ty w pron\nce him a       
success1 & he w be able to resume 8 seat
 ) a feel+ ( satisfaction4 ,! ef=ts (t5 
made to br+ 9 an ent]ta9+ /ory or a     
lively anecdote are sometimes q amus+1 b
 if !y come 9 naturally ! effect w      
unque/ionably be happy4 ,almo/ any /ory1
 by us+ a little skill1 c be adapt$ to  
ne>ly e occasion t may arise4 ,we may   
m5tion a few among :i* a speak] c       
sc>cely fail to f9d some?+ to s]ve 8    
purpose4  ,x is necess>y always to be   
?or\ghly famili> ) ! /ory & to und]/&   
its exact po9t4 ,no matt] h[ delib]ately
 or ) :at difficulty y approa* t "p (   
y\r spee* :]e ! fun is to be            
introduc$--yet1 :5 t po9t is rea*$ !re  
mu/ be no hesitation4 ,x is well to     
memorize c>efully ! v words :i* express 
! pun1 or ! fla% ( wit or humor :i* is !
 climax ( ! /ory4 ,! /ory itself may be 

f\nd 9 su* a manual z ?is1 or 9 "s      
volume ( wit & humor4  ,!re is no       
disadvantage 9 us+ wit ga!r$ f any      
s\rce1 if x has n be5 s (t5 us$ z to be 
completely worn out4 ,:5 a good /ory is 
f\nd any:]e & fully memoriz$ & all its  
be>+s & f9e po9ts ?or\ghly und]/ood1 !re
 are two ways ( gett+ x be=e an audi5ce4
 ,! direct way is to say frankly t y h  
read a /ory & w tell x4 ,?is w answ] v  
nicely :5 call$ ^u = a spee*4 ,few      
fe/ive audi5ces are unwill+ to accept a 
/ory = a spee*1 & a proposal to         
compromise on su* t]ms is v likely 9    
itself to br+ applause4 ,b ! /ory 9 ?is 
case %\ld be long] ?an if x is giv5 z "p
 ( a spee*4 ,if1 h[ev]1 x %\ld prove a  
failure1 y\r p]=mance w make a worse    
impression ?an :5 a poor /ory is        
introduc$ into a spee*1 al?\gh ! /ory   
may only feebly illu/rate any portion ( 
x4  ,= ^! z well z o!r reasons mo/      
p]sons w pref] to make an address1 ev5  
if x be v brief1 & w endeavor to make ! 
/ory fit into x4 ,all /ories t sugge/   

diffid5ce1 mode/y1 backw>dness1 or      
unwill+ness to und]take great ?+s1 c be 
introduc$ to %[ h[ reluctant ! speak] is
 to attempt a spee*1 & if ^! *>act]i/ics
 are only slightly ref]r$ to 9 ! /ory x 
may /ill be us$ effectively & w leave a 
favorable impression4  ,if a topic1 a   
toa/1 or a s5tim5t is giv5 = a response1
 any ( !m may sugge/ a /ory2 & aft] a   
good /ory has be5 told--"o t has real   
po9t--x w be bett] to /op )\t mak+ any  
attempt at application or explanation4  
,a great help is (t5 f\nd 9 ! utt]ances 
( previ\s speak]s4 ,if ^! h done well1  
!y may be complim5t$1 & ! complim5t s   
contriv$ z to lead directly up to ! /ory
 t is ly+ 9 wait2 or some?+ be+ said )  
:i* y he>tily agree--h[ev] slight a     
portion ( ! address x may be--?is h>mony
 ( views c be us$ 9 ! same mann]4 ,on ! 
o!r h&1 if y disagree ) any ( ! speak]s1
 ! m]e ref]5ce to x w excite a lively   
int]e/4 ,if ?is diff]5ce is us$1 n z !  
basis ( a s]i\s argum5t1 b only to drag 
9 a /ory illu/rat+ ! disagreem5t1 ! /ory

 w nev]!less appe> to be v appropriate4 
,if y happ5 to be ! fir/ speak]1 y are  
by no means )\t res\rces4 ,y c !n imag9e
 :at o!r speak]s are go+ to say1 & if y 
c slip 9 a humor\s or good-natur$ hit at
 ! exp5se ( "s ( ! prom95t speak]s1 x w 
be1 highly reli%$4 ,if y describe :at !y
 are likely to say x w be enjoy$1 :ile  
if y %\ld happ5 to m5tion ! v opposite  
?is w be set d[n z y\r int5tion4 ,y may 
ev5 describe ! diff]5t speak]s1 & be    
rem9d$ ( ?+s t w br+ 9 ! prep>$ /ory v  
appropriately4  ,! writ] once knew ( a v
 dull speak]1 :o scor$ a great success 9
 a popul> meet+1 by describ+ ! eloqu5t  
speak] :o 0 to foll[4 ,he began by tell+
 h[ he 0 accu/om$ :5 a boy to take a    
skiff & foll[ 9 ! wake ( a /eam]1 to be 
rock$ 9 its waves1 b once gett+ be=e !  
huge vessel 8 boat 0 swept away1 & he 0 
ne>ly dr[n$4 ,?is un=tunately 0 8       
situation n[1 & he 0 9 dang] ( be+ swept
 aside by ! com+ flood ( eloqu5ce4 ,b he
 ask$ :o is ?is com+ man8 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t
 he _h he>d ( him--!n foll[$ ! /ory he  

_h be5 try+ to "w 9--a /ory :]e9 !      
eloqu5t man 0 describ$ z "o :o c\ld give
 sev5te5 good reasons = any?+ "u heav54 
,! /ory 0 a great success4 ,9 dumb %[1 !
 speak] he ref]r$ to begg$ = m]cy4 ,?is 
only delight$ ! audi5ce /ill m1 & :5 !  
dull speak] f9i%$ x 0 admitt$ t1 = once1
 he _h escap$ be+ /upid or commonplace4 
,he _h also =c$ ^u ! next speak] !      
necessity ( remov+ ! unpleasant effects 
( ! jokes made at 8 exp5se1 a task t    
requir$ all 8 clev]ness4  ,! mann] (    
introduction by ! *airman1 8 "n or g5]al
 position1 ! appe>ance ( any "o ( !     
gue/s1 ! lat5ess or e>l9ess ( ! h\r1    
ev5ts ( ! day t attract int]e/1 ! nature
 ( ! ent]ta9m5t or assemblage--all ( ^! 
w (f] good hooks by :i* to draw 9 !     
/ory4 ,b let ! /ory be good & ?or\ghly  
ma/]$4 ,( c\rse ! "w ( adaptation w be  
mu* easi] if y h sev]al /ories 9 res]ve4
 ,a /ory mu/ n be repeat$ s (t5 t x     
becomes kn[n z belong+ to y1 = !n a     
prec$+ speak] might get a laugh on y by 
tell+ x z y\rs1 leav+ y bankrupt4       

,jones & ,smi? once rode sev]al miles 9 
a c>riage1 toge!r1 to a t[n :]e bo? 7 to
 make addresses4 ,jones 0 q an orator2  
,smi? _h a v ret5tive memory4 ,jones    
ask$ ,smi? ab\t 8 spee*1 b ,smi? pr(ess$
 n to h fully decid$ ^u 8 topic1 & 9    
turn ask$ ,jones ! same "q4 ,jones gave 
a full outl9e ( 8 spee*1 ,smi? gett+ him
 to elaborate x by judici\s inquiries z 
to h[ he w\ld apply "o po9t & illu/rate 
ano!r4 ,! ride ?us pass$ pleasantly =   
bo? p>ties4 ,smi? 0 call$ ^u to speak   
fir/1 & gave ) tell+ effect :at he _h   
ga!r$ f ,jones1 to ! delight ( ev]ybody1
 b poor ,jones1 :o li/5$ 9 utt]         
con/]nation1 & _h n /r5g? en\gh left ev5
 to reclaim 8 /ol5 prop]ty4  ,if y\r    
spee* is to be a /ory x is especially   
advisable to h a res]ve on h&1 = /ories 
are easily copi$ & apt to be long       
rememb]$4 ,c>e also mu/ be tak5 t ! /ory
 is n "o ) :i* p]sons g5]ally are       
famili>4 ,a g5tleman 0 9 ! habit ( tell+
 a /ory :i* has already be5 quot$1 !    
po9t ( :i* lies 9 ! phrase ,i'm f       

,bo/on4 ,"s ( 8 m intimate companions1 9
 self-def5se1 w\ld exclaim :5 he propos$
 a /ory1 ,is x a mile f ,bo/on8  ,!     
def9ition ( ! toa/ itself or ( any ( !  
words 9 ! s5tim5t :i* is ! speak]'s     
topic may be made ! occasion = draw+ 9 !
 illu/rative /ory4  ,! mann] ( end+ a   
good /ory is also wor?y ( c>eful /udy4  
,:5 an audi5ce is applaud+ a palpable   
hit1 x does n seem an appropriate "t to 
/op & take "o's seat2 b x (t5 is ! be/  
c\rse4 ,to d ?is appe>s s abrupt t !    
novice is apt to make a fur!r ef=t to   
f9i% up ! subject till he has f9i%$ up 8
 audi5ce z well4 ,an attempt to fully   
discuss a topic1 "u su* circum/ances1 is
 n successful once 9 a hundr$ times4 ,! 
be/ c\rse is to foll[ an apt /ory by "s 
prov]b1 a popul> ref]5ce1 or a witty    
turn1 & !n to close4 ,b no abruptness w 
be dislik$ by y\r he>]s half s mu*1 z ! 
utt]ance ( a /r+ ( commonplaces1 aft] y 
h once secur$ _! att5tion4 ,! ri*ness ( 
! dess]t %\ld come at ! close1 n at !   
beg9n+1 ( ! oratorical fea/4     ,,!    

,,purpose ,,( ,,aft]-,,d9n] ,,speak+    
,briefly /at$1 x is to br+ into "o focus
 ! ?\ght ( an assembly4 ,:ile ! good ?+s
 ( ! table may be satisfactory1 &       
conv]sation free & spontane\s1 !re is   
yet ne$ ( "s exp$i5t = mak+ all ?\ght   
fl[ 9 "o *annel1 & ( bl5d+ ! :ole       
company into a true unity4 ,!re is "o   
way1 & only "o1 ( do+ ?is--! same t is  
us$ to produce unity ( action & ?\ght 9 
any assembly1 = :atev] purpose conv5$4  
,:5 ! de/9ies ( empires are at /ake1 :5 
great que/ions t arise among m5 are to  
be solv$1 ! art ( spee* mu/ be call$    
into play4 ,s aft] a good d9n] has be5  
enjoy$1 ! same pot5t ag5cy f9ds a field1
 n>r[]1 inde$1 b sc>cely less op]ative4 
,& ?is object--( caus+ a :ole assembly  
to ?9k ! same ?\ghts & turn _! att5tion 
to a common topic--is (t5 well atta9$   
ev5 :5 ! spee*es d n aspire to great    
excell5ce or pret5sion to eloqu5ce4  ,a 
commonplace illu/ration w make our mean+
 cle>4 ,suppose a great reception1 :]e  
_m rooms are fill$ ) invit$ gue/s4 ,!re 

is conv]sation1 b only by gr\ps ( two or
 ?ree p]sons2 refre%m5ts are s]v$2 l>g] 
gr\ps beg9 to ga!r ar\nd prom95t p]sons1
 b !re is ! same div]sity ( s5tim5t &   
purpose t is to be f\nd 9 a *ance cr[d 9
 a public p>k4 ,! gue/s are n 9 "o      
place1 ) "o accord4 ,b n[1 on "s        
pretext1 ! p[] ( public spee* is evok$2 
p]haps a toa/ is (f]$ & respond$ to1 or 
a m =mal address ( welcome or           
congratulation1 or any?+ else suitable  
to ! occasion4 ,! subject & ! mann] (   
introduction are n mat]ial1 s t ! liv+1 
speak+ man is br\ght face to face ) 8   
fell[s2 at once1 in/ead ( confusion &   
disord]1 all is ord] & h>mony4 ,! speak]
 may hesitate 9 ! deliv]y ( 8 message1 b
 8 v emb>rassm5t w 9 "s in/ances        
contribute to h>monize ! ?\ght ( !      
assembly ev5 m p[]fully ?an a m         
pret5ti\s address4 ,b a good &          
appropriate spee* w indelibly fix !     
?\ght1 & be f> m satisfactory4  ,:]e no 
p>ticul> k9d ( address is indicat$ by ! 
nature ( ! assemblage1 /ories & humor w 

g5]ally be highly appreciat$4 ,a good   
/ory has "s ( ! p]5nial int]e/ t        
surr\nds a romance1 & if x is at ! same 
"t humor\s1 an appeal is made to ano!r  
s5tim5t1 univ]sal 9 ! human brea/4 ,if p
 ?rill ) int]e/ 9 unison1 or laugh or   
cry toge!r = a "t1 or m]ely give        
att5tion to ! same ?\ghts1 !re w arise a
 s5se ( fell[%ip & sympa?y :i* is n only
 enjoyable1 b is ! v purpose = :i* p are
 invit$ to assemblies4  ,m ord9>y       
aft]-d9n] spee*es succe$ by ! aid (     
humor\s /ories ?an by all o!r means     
comb9$4 ,9 a v +5i\s book ( ready-made  
spee*es ! turn+ po9t ( ne>ly e "o dep5ds
 ^u a pun or o!r trick ( spee*4 ,:ile   
?is is c>ry+ ! idea a little too f>1    
/ill x fairly indicates ! importance    
plac$ ^u sallies ( wit or humor z a     
factor 9 spee*-mak+4 ,! fell[%ip t comes
 f laugh+ at ! same jokes & approv+ !   
same s5tim5ts may n be ! mo/ intimate or
 ! mo/ endur+1 b x is (t5 ! only k9d    
possible1 & %\ld be priz$ accord+ly4  ,!
 *ief use ( toa/s is to call out su*    

spee*es1 & ?us lead ! ?\ght ( ! assembly
 along pleasant & appropriate           
*annels--all pre>rang$1 yet app>5tly    
spontane\s4  ,a long spee* is selfi% &  
unp>donable4 ,x we>ies ! gue/s1 de/roys 
v>iety1 & cr[ds o!rs out ( ! places to  
:i* !y h be5 assign$ & are entitl$4 ,:5 
! speak+ is ov]1 ! company w h be5 l$ to
 contemplate ! same !mes1 & w h rejoic$1
 sympa?iz$1 & laugh$ 9 unison4     ,,"s 
,a ,b ,c ,,directions ,,= ,,mak+        
,,spee*es1 ,,toa/s1 ,,& ,,responses     
#a4 ,d n be afraid or a%am$ to use ! be/
 helps y c get4 ,dive/ y\rself ( ! idea 
t all y ne$ is to wait till a toa/ is   
propos$ & y\r "n call$1 & !n to op5 y\r 
m\? & let ! eloqu5ce fl[ =?4 ,! greate/ 
g5ius 9 ! _w might succe$ 9 t way1 b    
w\ld n be likely to v5ture x4 ,use a    
book & /udy y\r subject well4  #b4      
,g5]ally1 x is n well to memorize ^w =  
^w ei!r :at y h writt5 or obta9$ f a    
book1 unless x is a pun or a /ory :]e ! 
effect dep5ds ^u v]bal accuracy4 ,b be  
sure to memorize toa/s1 s5tim5ts1 &     

titles absolutely4 ,to "k ! sub/ance (  
y\r spee* well1 ) "o or two /rong po9ts 
9 x1 is bett] ?an to h a fl[]y oration  
weigh+ d[n y\r memory4  #c4 ,if y are a 
novice 7& ^! directions are giv5 to no  
o!rs71 d n aim to make a great spee*1 b 
to say a few ?+s mode/ly & quietly4 ,a  
%ort & unassum+ spee* by a beg9n] is    
sure ( applause4 ,eloqu5ce1 if y h x 9  
y1 w come lat] ?r\gh practice &         
famili>ity ) y\r subject4  #d4 ,if y c't
 rememb] or f9d a good /ory1 inv5t "o6  
,p]haps y h scruples z to ! latt]4 ,b a 
/ory is n a lie2 if s1 :at w\ld become (
 ! noble tribe ( novel-writ]s6 ,m>k     
,twa9 gives a v humor\s acc\nt ( ! way 9
 :i* he kill$ 8 consci5ce4 ,probably _m 
speak]s :o retail good ?+s might make   
confession 9 ! same direction4  ,b :y is
 x n z reputable to inv5t "o's own /ory 
z to tell ! /ory "s "o else has inv5t$8 
,does ! second tell+ improve its        
morality8 ,r give he$ to ! quality ( !  
/ory4 ,?is1 & n its orig91 is ! really  
important matt] to consid]4  #e4        

,success 9 aft]-d9n] speak+ is difficult
 or easy to atta9 accord+ to ! way y g  
ab\t x4 ,if y ?9k y mu/ />tle1 r\se1 &  
electrify y\r he>]s1 or1 worse /ill1 mu/
 in/ruct !m 9 some?+ y ?9k important1 b 
ab\t :i* !y c>e no?+1 y\r ef=ts are     
likely to be att5d$ by a h>d & bitt]    
exp]i5ce4 ,b if1 :5 a prospective       
spee*-occasion looms up1 y w reflect ^u 
! s5tim5t y wi% to propose1 or w get a  
fri5d to d a little plann+ & sugge/ !   
easie/ toa/ or topic1 & !n attempt to   
say j a little1 y w probably come (f )  
fly+ colors4  #f4 ,:5 y rise1 d n be 9 a
 hurry4 ,a little hesitation has a bett]
 effect ?an too mu* promptness & flu5cy1
 & a little /amm]+ or hesitation1 x may 
be add$1 w h no bad effect4 ,9 beg9n+1  
y\r mann] c )\t disadvantage be altoge!r
 lo/ sight (1 & if y h some?+ to say !  
sub/ance ( :i* is good1 & has be5       
c>efully pre>rang$1 y w be able to give 
utt]ance to x 9 "s =m2 grammatical      
mi/akes or mispronunciation1 :]e !re is 
no affectation1 z well z an occasional  

repetition1 w r>ely be notic$4  #g4     
,above all1 rememb] x may be assum$ t   
y\r he>]s are y\r fri5ds1 & are ready to
 receive k9dly :at y h to say4 ,?is w h 
a wond]fully /eady+ effect on y\r n]ves4
 ,& if y\r spee* consi/s only ( two or  
?ree s5t5ces sl[ly & delib]ately utt]$1 
!y w at lea/ applaud its brevity1 & give
 y cr$it = hav+ fill$ y\r place on !    
programme respectably4   ,x has be5 (t5 
said t ,am]icans are greatly ahead ( !  
,engli% 9 g5]al spee*-mak+1 b 9 pleasant
 aft]-d9n] talk+ & addresses !y are mu* 
inf]ior4 ,probably ?is 0 once true1 b if
 s1 x is true no long]4 ,! reason ( any 
=m] defici5cy 0 simply want ( practice1 
)\t :i* no spee*-mak+ c be easy &       
effective4 ,b ! importance ( ?is k9d (  
oratory is n[ recogniz$1 &1 ) prop]     
ef=ts to cultivate & ma/] x1 ,am]icans  
are tak+ ! same high rank z 9 o!r =ms ( 
intellectual ef=t4 ,l[ell & ,depew are  
ackn[l$g$ z pe]s ( any toa/-respond] or 
aft]-d9n] orator ! _w has ev] se54 ,"o (
 ! *ief elem5ts ( _! *>m consi/s 9 !    

good /ories !y relate4 ,:oev] has a     
natural faculty1 be x ev] s slight1 z a 
/orytell]1 w1 if he ga!rs up &          
appropriates ! good ?+s t he meets )1   
soon realize t he is mak+ rapid progress
 9 ?is delightful field1 & t he ga9s mu*
 m ?an m]e pleasure by 8 acquisitions4  
,! be/ ent]ta9m5ts are n ^? :i* m]ely   
make a display ( weal? & luxury4 ,quiet1
 good ta/e1 & social attractions are f> 
bett]4 ,! ,engli% wit1 ,foote1 describes
 a banquet ( ! =m] "*4 ,z to spl5dor1 z 
f> z x w5t1 ,i admit x3 !re 0 a v f9e   
sidebo>d ( plate2 & if a man c\ld h     
swall[$ a silv]smi?'s %op1 !re 0 en\gh  
to satisfy him2 b z to all ! re/1 !     
mutton 0 :ite1 ! veal 0 r$1 ! fi% 0 kept
 too long1 ! v5ison n kept long en\gh2  
to sum up all1 ev]y?+ 0 cold except !   
ice1 & ev]y?+ s\r except ! v9eg>4       
,excell5ce 9 ! quality ( ! vi&s is n to 
be disreg>d$ 9 ! *oice/ company4 ,a     
celebrat$ s*ol> & wit 0 select+ "s ( !  
*oice/ delicacies on ! table1 :5 a ri*  
fri5d said to him1 ,:at6 d philosoph]s  

love da9ties8 ,:y n8 repli$ ! s*ol>2 d y
 ?9k all ! good ?+s ( ?is _w 7 made only
 = blockheads8     ,,holiday ,,spee*es  
,,f\r? ,,( ,,july   ,at a ,f\r? ( ,july 
banquet1 or celebration1 toa/ may be    
(f]$ to ,! ,flag1 to ,! ,day1 to        
,indep5d5ce1 to ,our ,revolution>y      
,fa!rs1 to ,! ,nation1 to any ,great    
,man ( ! ,pa/1 to ,lib]ty1 to ,free     
,spee*1 to ,national ,greatness1 to     
,peace1 to ,def5sive ,w>1 to any ( !    
,/ates1 to ,wa%+ton or ,lafayette1 to   
,our ,old ,ally1 ,france1 to any ( !    
,patriotic ,virtues1 to ,! ,army & ,!   
,navy1 to ! ,memory ( any ( ! ,battles  
by ,l& or ,sea4 ,appropriate s5tim5ts = 
any ( ^! may easily be devis$ or may be 
f\nd 9 ! miscellane\s li/ 9 ?is volume4 
,! ,con/itution & ! ,laws or some?+     
simil> %\ld n be omitt$4   ,,"s ,,items 
,,t ,,w\ld ,,be ,,appropriate ,,9       
,,respond+ ,,to ,,^! ,,toa/s4  ,_! ord] 
& "* w dep5d ^u ! special topic4   ,our 
pres5t prosp]ity--! greatness & res\rces
 ( our c\ntry z comp>$ ) ^? ( !         

,revolution>y epo*--! sl[ gr[? ( !      
colonies--! rapid gr[? ( ! ,/ates & !   
addition ( new ,/ates cont9ually--:at 0 
ga9$ by indep5d5ce--did we d m ?an      
simply prev5t tyranny--! advantages an  
indep5d5t c\ntry possesses ov] a colony1
 su* z ,canada--! p]ils ( indep5d5ce & !
 responsibility ( p[]--! romantic e>ly  
hi/ory ( ! c\ntry--! w>s t prec$$ !     
,revolution>y conflict--! "* ( !        
/ruggle--! sl5d]ness ( our res\rces     
comp>$ ) ! mighty p[] ( ,brita9--our    
ally1 ,france--:at t nation ga9$ & lo/  
by jo9+ 9 our qu>rel--! memories (      
,wa%+ton & ,lafayette--! pr9ciples at   
/ake 9 ! ,revolution--! n>r[ view our   
fa!rs took ( ! issue at fir/1 & ! mann] 
9 :i* !y 7 l$ fir/ to indep5d5ce & !n to
 nationality--"s phases ( ! /ruggle--its
 critical po9ts--,tr5ton & ,valley      
,=ge--,s>atoga & ,yorkt[n--our          
responsibilities & duties--! que/ions ( 
t day enum]at$ & comp>$ ) ! burn+       
que/ions ( ! pres5t day 7:i* we d n     
enum]ate "h1 b :i* ! speak] may describe

 or ev5 argue if ! nature ( 8 audi5ce1  
or "t at 8 disposal p]mits7--! future   
greatness ( ! nation--! probability ( ! 
acquisition ( new t]ritory4  ,laughable 
incid5ts ei!r f hi/ory or illu/rations f
 any s\rce1 mu/ n be =gott51 = if !     
spee* be m ?an a few m9utes long !y are 
absolutely indisp5sable4   ,,outl9e ,,( 
,a ,,spee* ,,9 ,,response ,,to ,,!      
,,toa/ ,,! ,,day ,,we ,,celebrate  ,!   
,f\r? ( ,july has be5 a great day ev]   
s9ce #aggf4 ,be=e t ye> ! ,f\r? ( ?is   
mon? came & w5t l o!r days4 ,b !n a     
great ev5t happ5$3 an ev5t :i* made a   
great diff]5ce to ! entire _w2 !        
b\nd>ies ( _m c\ntries w\ld be v diff]5t
 to-day if ! important ev5t ( t day _h n
 transpir$4 ,x 0 a t]rible bl[ to ! foes
 ( humanity & ev5 to _m weak-kne$       
fri5ds4 ,! exhortation ( "o ( ! sign]s (
 ! ,decl>ation on t day1 ,we mu/ all    
hang toge!r1 ) ! grim b v reasonable    
rejo9d]1 ,if we d n1 we w assur$ly hang 
sep>ately4 ,! blood%$ & suff]+ :i*      
foll[$ & :i* seem to be ! only price at 

:i* human lib]ty & advancem5t c be      
procur$4 ,we _h to deal ) our old fri5ds
 ! ,engli% v mu* z ! peace-lov+ ,quak]  
did ) ! pirate :o bo>d$ 8 %ip2 tak+ him 
by ! coll> ,broad-brim dropp$ him ov] ! 
%ip's side into ! wat]1 say+1 ,fri5d1 !e
 has no bus9ess on ?is %ip4 ,we h %[n t 
we own & c navigate ! %ip ( ,/ate       
ourselves1 & n[ we are will+ to welcome 
"h n only ,john ,bull b all nations ( ! 
_w :5 !y h any fri5dly bus9ess ) u4  ,! 
gunp[d] t has be5 consum$4 ,fir/1 dur+ !
 ,revolution>y w> & ! second w> )       
,engl&2 & !n ! p[d] t has be5 explod$ by
 small & l>ge boys 9 ! hundr$ & odd     
,f\r?s t h foll[$4   ,,outl9e ,,( ,a    
,,spread-,,eagle ,,spee* ,,9 ,a ,,=eign 
,,l&  ,we are s f> f home t we c't he> !
 eagle scream or see ! lightn+ 9 8 eye4 
,only f ! almanac d we "k t ?is is ! day
 ( all days on :i* he disports himself4 
,he 0 a small bird :5 born1 m ?an a     
hundr$ ye>s ago1 b has gr[n lively till 
8 w+s rea* f ocean to ocean1 & x only   
requires a little fai? to see him /ret* 

himself cle> ov] ! ,we/]n ,hemisph]e & !
 adjac5t isl&s4 ,o!r birds despis$ him  
on ! fir/ great ,f\r?1 b ^! birds (     
prey1 vultures1 condors & su* l1 ) cr[s1
 z well z ! small] ,republican eagles   
born s9ce1 are humble en\gh to him n[4  
,! ,briti% lion himself hav+ be5 s (t5  
scrat*$ & claw$ by ?is f[l1 has le>n$ to
 %ake 8 mane & wag 8 tail r amiably 9   
our eagle's pres5ce1 ev5 if he has to   
give an occasional gr[l to keep 8 h& 94 
,we are pr\d ( ?is bird1 ?\gh we are f> 
f home1 & to-day s5d our he>tie/ good   
wi%es across ! sea to ! l& we love !    
be/4   ,,outl9e ,,( ,a ,,response ,,to  
,,! ,,toa/1 ,,our ,,c\ntry  ,! field "h 
is v wide4 ,all ! hi/ory ( ! c\ntry is  
appropriate1 b c only be glanc$ at1 ?\gh
 a good spee* might be made by dwell+ at
 l5g? on "s romantic incid5t 9 its      
hi/ory4 ,! size & ri*ness ( ! c\ntry f !
 gre5 p9e =e/s ( ,ma9e to ! gold5 orange
 groves ( ,cali=nia2 or ! prophecy ( !  
manife/ greatness ( com+ de/9y4 ,"h !   
old b laughable /ory c be br\ght 9      

easily ab\t ! raw ,iri%man :o saw a     
pumpk9 = ! fir/ "t1 & 0 told t x 0 a    
m>e's egg1 & g5]\sly giv5 "o4 ,he _h !  
mis=tune1 h[ev]1 to drop x out ( 8 c>t1 
:5 x roll$ d[n-hill1 /ruck a /ump1 bur/ 
& fright5$ a rabbit1 :i* b\nd$ away     
foll[$ by ,pat1 %\t+3 ,%top my colt2    
sure & if he is s big & c run s fa/ n[1 
:5 j born1 :at a r\s+ horse he w be :5  
gr[n up6  ,b our c\ntry has m ?an m]ely 
a va/ area4 ,%e has made advances 9     
sci5ce1 art1 lit]ature1 & culture ( all 
k9ds1 & is de/9$ to play a *ief "p 9 !  
drama ( ! _w's progress4         99     
99       99       99       99           
,,memorial ,,day   ,! celebration ( ?is 
day has become g5]al & has assum$ a     
special & beautiful "*4 ,x might h be5  
fe>$ t angry passions eng5d]$ by civil  
/rife w\ld pr$om9ate1 b ! v rev]se ( ?is
 is true4 ,k9dness & *>ity1 t5d]        
memories ( ! sacrifices ( patriotism1 ! 
duty ( c>+ = ! liv+ & ( avoid+ all t    
might lead aga9 to ! sad necessity ( w>1
 are ! s5tim5ts ne>ly always inculcat$4 

,! foll[+ are a few ( ! toa/s t may be  
giv5 at celebrations1 or banquets1 or at
 ! ex]cises t =m a "p ( ! annual        
decorat+ ( soldi]s' graves3  ,! ,m>tyr$ 
,dead--! ,regim5ts locally repres5t$--! 
,army & ,navy--any ,dead ,soldi]        
especially prom95t--! ,union ,=ev]--!   
,:ole ,c\ntry--,victory always = !      
,"r--! ,surviv+ ,soldi]s &              
,sailors--,unbrok5 ,peace--!            
,comm&]-9-,*ief1 & o!r (fic]s locally   
honor$--any special battle ^: field is  
ne> at h&--! ,flag ) all its ,/>s       
undimm$4   ,,sket* ,,( ,a ,,spee* ,,9   
,,response ,,to ,,! ,,toa/1 ,,our       
,,honor$ ,,dead  ,"t 9 its rapid flight 
te/s _m ?+s4 ,?irty ye>s ago ! ,s\!rn   
,conf$]acy1 l a d>k cl\d full ( /orm &  
?und]+s1 cov]$ ! ,s\!rn heav5s4 ,/atesm5
 plann$1 prea*]s pray$1 wom5 wept1 &    
armies z brave z ev] =m$ 9 l9e f\ght1 = 
its e/abli%m5t4 ,blood fl[$ freely1 & ! 
ro> ( battle fill$ ! :ole l&4 ,_m wise  
m5 ?\ght x w\ld cont9ue = ages1 b lo6 x 
has disappe>$4 ,no?+ rema9s to its      

adh]5ts b a memory--m\rnful1 pa!tic1 &  
bitt]4  ,h[ diff]5t ) ! ,old ,flag t we 
love4 ,x _h be5 te/$ be=e1 b ?is 0 its  
supreme trial4 ,x _h be5 victori\s 9    
sev]al w>s4 ,x _h %elt]$ new & exp&+    
,/ates1 x _h fo/]$ high] =ms (          
civilization1 & repres5t$ peoples &     
int]e/s t 7 complex & v>i$2 b 9 our     
,civil ,w> x 0 assail$ z nev] be=e4 ,!  
te/ 0 crucial1 b nobly 0 x borne4 ,m5   
di$ 9 ranks z ! =e/ goes d[n be=e !     
cyclone4 ,:at %>p agony 9 dea?1 & :at   
long-cont9u$ suff]+ & b]eavem5t ?is     
implies4 ,b ! result 0 decisive--a      
/r5g!n+ ( ! p[] & gr&eur ( ! nation t   
sometimes seems to be only too great &  
unque/ion$4  ,we h no wi% by any ^w (   
ours to revive bitt] feel+ or /ir up    
/rife4 ,?is hall[$ day has be5 f ! fir/ 
a peacemak]4 ,m51 /&+ ) uncov]$ heads 9 
! pres5ce ( ! dead1 d n c>e to utt]     
words ( reproa* = ! irrevocable pa/4    
,we1 we>+ ! blue1 c say to ! sc>r$      
vet]an we>]s ( ! gray3 ,y f\ght well = !
 lo/ cause4 ,b ! case 0 fairly tri$ 9 ! 

awful c\rt ( w>4 ,x took f\r ye>s = !   
jury to agree1 b ! v]dict has be5       
giv5--a v]dict aga9/ y\r cause--& !re is
 no high] c\rt & no appeal4 ,!re is no  
resurrection = ! dead ,conf$]acy2 b we c
 (f] y some?+ bett]--an equal "p 9 !    
life & de/9y ( ! mo/ glori\s nation "t  
has yet produc$4 ,& on _! side ! gray c 
reply1 9 ! words ( ,colonel ,grady1 !   
eloqu5t orator ( ! ,s\?1 9 8 spee* at   
,atlanta3 ,we c n[ see t 9 ?is conflict 
loss 0 ga91 & defeat real & sub/antial  
victory2 t ev]y?+ we hop$ = & f\ght =1 9
 ! new gov]nm5t we s\ght to e/abli%1 is 
giv5 to u 9 great] measure 9 ! old      
gov]nm5t our fa!rs f\nd$4  ,we d n meet 
on ^! ,memorial ,days to weep = ! dead1 
z we did :ile w\nds 7 yet fre%4 ,"t has 
heal$ ! sc>s ( w>1 & we c calmly        
contemplate ! great lesson ( patriotic  
devotion1 & rejoice t ! nation to :i* we
 belong produc$ m5 noble en\gh to die = 
t :i* !y valu$ s mu*4 ,nei!r d ,i c>e to
 say any?+ ( human slav]y1 ! in/itution 
t di$ & 0 buri$ ) ! ,conf$]acy4 ,i _h   

en\gh to say ab\t x :ile x 0 liv+4 ,let 
! dead pa/ bury its dead4  ,b we are "h 
to fo/] patriotism1 9 view ( ! mo/      
trem5d\s sacrifice ev] will+ly made by a
 p on ! alt> ( nationality4 ,t !        
sacrifices ( ! ,civil ,w> des]ve ?is    
rank w appe> f ! fact t !y 7 made--9 !  
ma9--by volunte]s4 ,we 7 n fight+       
directly to def5d our alt>s & our fires2
 we 7 n driv5 to arms to repel an invad+
 foe2 we 7 n hurri$ to ! field by k+ or 
noble2 b 9 ! fir/ flu% ( manhood we (f]$
 ourselves to pres]ve unimpair$ ! unity1
 ! purity1 ! glory ( our nation4 ,s f> z
 ,i h turn$ ov] ! leaves ( ! volume (   
"t1 ,i h f\nd no?+ 9 all ! pa/ l ?is4   
,!re=e1 /&+ be=e ! highe/ manife/ation (
 e>?ly patriotism1 view+ x cr[n$ 9 all !
 glory ( self-sacrifice1 by a           
fai?fulness :i* 0 lit]ally 9 ! case (   
hundr$s ( ?\s&s unto dea?1 we ask3 ,:at 
is !re t ju/ifies a nation 9 exact+ or  
accept+ 7:5 freely (f]$7 su* tribute ( !
 life-blood ( its p8  ,! two ?+s (      
ine/imable value :i* our gov]nm5t       

furni%es & :i* we ought to pres]ve ev5 )
 life itself1 if ! sacrifice is ne$$1   
are lib]ty & law1 or r lib]ty 9 law4 ,! 
old _w gave law1 )\t :i* human society  
_c exi/4 ,b x 0 accompani$ ) t]rible    
suff]+--z :5 ord] reign$ 9 ,w>saw4 ,su* 
law came f ma/]s1 & made ! mass ( ! p   
slaves4 ,we h an equal p]fection ( law1 
ord]1 subord9ation1 b x rises side by   
side ) lib]ty ,! p gov]n !mselves--n 9  
"o =m ( gov]nm5t alone b 9 affairs      
national1 ,/ate1 c\nty1 d[n to ! smalle/
 s*ool di/rict & a ?\s& volunt>y        
societies4 ,9 ea* ! me?ods by :i* ! p's 
w may be made supreme 9 designat$       
affairs are cle>ly def9$1 s t ! :ole (  
unit$ human ef=t is br\ght "u ! dom9ion 
( law1 ev5 su* ?+s z g5]al education1 & 
yet ea* affair is 9 ! h&s ( ! p directly
 conc]n$4 ,= ?\s&s ( ye>s ! pr9ciples ( 
our complex & wond]ful sy/em (          
co-ord9at$ gov]nm5t h be5 gr[+ up till  
!y h rea*$ _! fulle/ p]fection on our   
soil1 & we brea! _! b5efic5ce z we brea!
 ! air ( heav54 ,m5 are will+ to die by 

! t5s ( ?\s&s t ?is lib]ty "u law may n 
p]i% f ! _w4  444 ,comrades &           
,citiz5s3--,we move =w>d to new issues &
 new responsibilities4 ,grave dang]s are
 n[ ^u u4 ,god grant t !y may n ne$ to  
be met & settl$ 9 ! rude %ock ( w>4 ,!  
"t = wisdom1 = cle>-sight$ patriotism   
is--n[4 ,labor & capital1 ! f\ndations (
 law & ord]2 ! complex civilization ( a 
nation :i* n[ talks by lightn+1 & is    
hurl$ by /eam ov] pla9s & m\nta9s1 &    
:i*1 d\btless1 w soon fly ?r\gh !       
air--all ^! are to be settl$ by ! m5 n[ 
on ! /age ( action4 ,we _c d bett] ?an  
to tell y1 to settle !m 9 ! _s ( ! m5 ^:
 great sacrifices we to-day commemorate4
   ,,outl9e ,,( ,a ,,spee* ,,by         
,,*auncey ,m4 ,,depew1 ,,on ,a          
,,decoration ,,memorial ,,day4  ,?is is 
"o ( ! mo/ int]e/+ ( national           
celebrations1 appeal+ n to pride1 b to  
t5d] p]sonal memories4 ,b we mu/ n give 
ourselves up :olly to sadness or m\rn+4 
,! /ory ( issues & results mu/ be told4 
,:y did our h]oes die8 ,on acc\nt ( !   

canc] ( slav]y & ! result+ doctr9e (    
,/ate ,rights4 ,nationality & lib]ty1 ! 
opposite view4 ,! =m] 0 ! p>ty ( action1
 &1 !re=e1 ?\gh 9 a m9ority1 x 0 bold] &
 m det]m9$4 ,b ! %ell ( mat]ialism      
dropp$ f ! ,nor?1 & x 0 ar\s$ ) electric
 en]gy :5 ,sumt] 0 fir$ on2 !re 0 no    
passion1 only su* f]vid resolve to      
pres]ve our nation z ! _w nev] be=e saw4
 ,! /ruggle ov]1 !re 7 no ,/ate trials1 
no prisons nor scaffolds1 & ! ,republic1
 ?\gh ble$+ at e pore1 said to ! conqu]$
 enemy1 ,come & %>e fully ) u all !     
bless+s ( our pres]v$ in/itutions1 & ?us
 won a second victory great] ?an ! fir/4
  ,! wond]ful intellig5ce ( !           
volunte]--/ory ( ,napoleon's            
soldi]--,dead on ! field ( honor4  ,!   
,gr& ,army ( ! elect--! h]oes ( hi/ory1 
"s ( :om are enum]at$--! actual value to
 a nation ( su* h]oism4 ,to-day all t   
belongs to ! /rife is =giv51 b its      
lessons are too noble & preci\s ev] to  
be =gott54 ,we c all1 ,nor? & ,s\?1 read
 ) en?usiasm ! /ory ( ea* v>i$ &        

romantic campaign4  ,! ,conf$]ate wom5  
fir/ began decorat+ ! graves ( _! dead )
 fl[]s1 & did n pass by ! ,union graves 
ne> _! late foes4 ,?is t\*$ ! he>t ( !  
nation z no?+ else c\ld h done1 & enmity
 melt$ away1 & ! obs]vance ( ! day has  
become univ]sal4  ,! two great national 
h]oes--,wa%+ton1 ) 8 wise1 =esight$     
,f>ewell ,address2 ,l9coln1 ) 8 g5tle   
_s1 8 m>tyr dea?1 & 8 t5d] words1 ,)    
malice t[>ds none1 ) *>ity = all4       
,wa%+ton ! ,f\nd]1 ,l9coln ! ,pres]v]4  
99       99       99       99       99  
,,wa%+ton',s ,,bir?day  ,,appropriate   
,,toa/s  ,to ,wa%+ton--to ,! ,great ,m5 
( ,revolution>y ,times--to ,! ,great    
,man :o c\ld n d :at _m mod]n           
,politicians c d--tell a lie--to ,!     
,*ildless ,fa!r ( ,eighty ,millions (   
p--to ,! ,am]ican ,model ,/atesman--to  
,! ,greate/ ( ,good ,m5 & ! ,be/ (      
,great ,m54   ,,?\ghts ,,= ,a ,,spee*   
,,9 ,,response ,,to ,,! ,,toa/          
,,wa%+ton3 ,,great ,,z ,a ,,soldi]1     
,,great] ,,z ,a ,,/atesman1 ,,greate/   

,,z ,a ,,pure ,,patriot  ,indian1 ,fr5*1
 & ,engli% enemies4 ,he _h to make !    
armies ) :i* he conqu]$4 ,he 0 always a 
safe comm&]1 b full ( ent]prise also--8 
"* made ! ,union ( ! ,/ates & !         
,con/itution possible4 ,8 "* ! be/      
inh]itance ( ! ,am]ican p4 ,o!r m5 z    
great1 possibly 9 "s in/ances great] 9 a
 s+le field--8 greatness %[n 9 ! wide   
union ( ! noble/ k9ds ( greatness1 all 9
 h>mony4   ,,humor\s ,,response ,,by    
,,b5jam9 ,f4 ,,butl] ,,to ,,! ,,toa/1   
,,our ,,=efa!rs  ,:ile v5]at+ _! l(ty   
patriotism1 may we emulate !m 9 _!      
republican simplicity ( mann]s4 ,he     
decl>$ t a great deal _h be5 said at "o 
"t & ano!r ab\t ! democratic simplicity 
( our =efa!rs4 ,suppose t ! g5tlem5 ( ! 
pres5t day %\ld g back to "s ( ! cu/oms 
( ! =efa!rs4 ,suppose a man %\ld g to a 
ball n[adays 9 ! co/ume 9 :i* ,?omas    
,jeff]son1 t great apo/le ( democratic  
simplicity1 once appe>$ 9 ,philadelphia4
 ,:at a s5sation he w\ld create ) 8     
mode/ 787 co/ume ( velvet & lace1 )     

knee-bree*es1 silk /ock+s1 silv]        
%oe-buckles1 & p[d]$ wig4 ,ev5 ! great  
fa!r ( 8 c\ntry _h a little /yle ab\t   
him1 said ! speak]4 ,x 0 a kn[n fact t  
he nev] w5t to ,congress :5 he 0        
,presid5t unless he w5t 9 a coa* & six1 
) a little cupid on ! box be>+ a wrea? (
 fl[]s4 ,! coa* mu/ be yell[ & ! horses 
:ite1 & !n ! ,presid5t's secret>y       
usually foll[$ 9 a coa* drawn by f\r    
horses4 ,:5 ,wa%+ton asc5d$ ! /eps to   
ent] ! doors1 he always /opp$ = a mom5t 
& turn$ sl[ly ar\nd to all[ an admir+ p 
to see ! fa!r ( _! c\ntry4 ,oh6 our     
=efa!rs 7 saturat$ ) mode/y &           
simplicity4 ,! p ( ! pres5t day h       
retrograd$ greatly f ! simplicity ( _!  
,revolution>y ance/ors4 ,i c rememb] :5 
x 0 impossible1 ye>s be=e ! w>1 to hold 
a night session ( ,congress4 ,x 0       
impossible because ! memb]s ( ,congress 
att5d$ d9n]s1 & l+]$ ov] _! w9e4 ,!y    
att5d$ d9n]s v l ! "o we h j enjoy$1 &  
yet !re is n a man 9 ?is company :o is  
unfitt$ to att5d to any public or       

private duties t might dem& 8 att5tion4 
,yes1 x is true t we h dep>t$ f ! old   
cu/oms1 b we h advanc$ & n retrograd$4  
,! _w has *ang$1 b x has *ang$ = !      
bett]4 ,x is gr[+ bett] e day1 & don't  
let anybody =get x4         99       99 
99       99       99  ,,*ri/mas         
,,appropriate ,,toa/s  ,! ,day (        
,good-w--to ,! ,cold ,wea!r )\t & ! ,w>m
 ,he>ts )9--to ,! ,*ri/mas ,tree1 :i*   
gr[s 9 a ,night & is pluck$ 9 ! ,morn+  
by ! gladde/ ( f+]s--to ,! ,day 9 :i*   
,religion gives sweetness to ,social    
,life--,*ri/mas ,gifts2 may !y bless !  
,giv] n less ?an ! ,receiv]--to ,!      
,olde/ ( our ,fe/ivals1 :i* gr[s mell[] 
& sweet] ) ! passage ( ! c5turies--to   
,/4 ,ni*olas or ,santa ,claus1 ! only   
sa9t ,prote/ants wor%ip--to ,a ,m]ry    
,day t leaves no he>t-a*e--to ,a ,good  
,*ri/mas1 may sleigh+1 gifts1 & fea/+   
cr[d out all gambl+ & drunk5ness4       
,,spee*-,,?\ghts  ,! good *e] enjoy$ on 
?is m]rie/ day ( ! ye>4 ,h[ ! little p  
look =w>d to x4 ,x comes to ! old] ones 

z a joy1 & yet t5d] & sad ) ! memories (
 o!r ,*ri/mases4 ,! religi\s & ! secul> 
elem5ts ( ! day4 ,! c\ntries :]e x is   
mo/ obs]v$4 ,! long conte/ betwe5 ! two 
days1 ,?anksgiv+ & ,*ri/mas4 ,!         
compromise t ,massa*usetts & ,virg9ia1  
,new ,engl& & ! ,s\?1 h unanim\sly agre$
 ^u2 namely1 to keep bo? days4          
,,select$ ,,outl9e ,,op ,,an ,,effective
 ,,little ,,*ri/mas ,,spee*  ,! speak]  
assumes t ! obs]vance ( ! day is becom+ 
obsolete1 & t !re are p]sons :o wi% x to
 die out4 ,! assumption1 ?\gh r /ra9$1  
af=ds ! opportunity to demoli% ?is man (
 /raw4 ,all o!r k+s may g1 b no "o c    
sp>e ,k+ ,*ri/mas1 or ,/4 ,ni*olas1 8   
prime m9i/]4 ,s*ool-rooms & nurs]ies    
w\ld rebel4 ,& plum pudd+ is too /rongly
 entr5*$ 9 ,*ur* & ,/ate to be dislodg$4
 ,wa%+ton ,irv+1 ) 8 ,sket* ,book1 w\ld 
prote/4 ,be/ argum5t ( all is ! wor? ( !
 ,*ri/mas ent]ta9m5ts4 ,"h's to !       
,fe/ival ( ,fe/ivals1 & long may its    
honors be done by su* ho/s z ent]ta9 u  
to-day4   ,,?anksgiv+  ,com+ at ! beg9n+

 ( ! f>m]'s re/1 :5 ! h>ve/ is all      
ga!r$1 ?is is a v joy\s fe/ival1 & m ?an
 any o!r ab\nds 9 family reunions4 ,any 
toa/ !re=e is appropriate :i* tells ( ! 
h>ve/1 ( f]tility1 ( ! clos+ ye>1 ( !   
family pride & traditions1 ( pleasure to
 "y & old4 ,at d9n]1 turkey & m9ce or   
pumpk9 pie w ( c\rse be s]v$1 & ^!      
national favorites mu/ n be =gott5 by ! 
toa/mak]4  ,?is day1 too1 has an (ficial
 & gov]nm5tal flavor giv5 to x by !     
,/ate & national proclamations :i* fix !
 date & invite its obs]vance4 ,usually1 
^! enum]ate ! bless+s enjoy$ by ! :ole  
c\ntry dur+ ! ye>1 & sugge/ topics      
peculi>ly fitt+ = toa/s4 ,x is p]haps n 
too mu* to say t ,?anksgiv+ is di/9ctly 
! ,am]ican ,fe/ival1 & %\ld be honor$   
accord+ly4   ,,toa/s  ,to ,! ,inv5tor ( 
,pumpk9 ,pie--to ,peace ) all           
,nations--to ,! ,rul]s ( our ,c\ntry--to
 ,! ,f>m]--to ,full ,/oma*s & ,m]ry     
,he>ts--to _! ,excell5cies1 ! ,presid5t 
& ! ,gov]nor2 may we obey all _! comm&s 
z will+ly z :5 !y tell u to             

fea/--,ab\nd+ ,pl5ty2 may we always     
rememb] ! ,s\rce f :i* our b5efits      
come--,our two ,national ,f[ls1 !       
,am]ican ,eagle & ! ,?anksgiv+ ,turkey2 
may ! "o give u peace = all our ,/ates &
 ! o!r a piece = all our plates--,!     
,turkey & ! ,eagle2 we love to h ! "o   
so> high1 b wi% ! o!r to roo/ l[--,!    
,great ,am]ican ,birds2 may we h !m :]e 
we love !m be/1 ! ,turkeys on our tables
 & ! ,eagles 9 our pockets4   ,,?\ghts  
,,= ,a ,,?anksgiv+ ,,spee*  ,! mann] 9  
:i* ! day 0 fir/ in/itut$4 ,! sore      
/ruggles & ! small beg9n+s ( t day      
comp>$ ) ! greatness & ab\nd+ prosp]ity 
( ! pres5t4 ,! w>f>e betwe5 ,*ri/mas &  
,?anksgiv+1 ! "o be+ ?\ght ! badge (    
pop]y & prelacy4 ,! ,battle ( ! ,pies1  
pumpk9 & m9ce1 t]m9at+ 9 a treaty (     
peace & alliance2 & n[ we c enjoy !     
nightm>e by fea/+ on bo? comb9$6 ,!     
national bless+s ( ! ye>2 ! poore/ h m  
n[ ?an k+s & emp]ors _h five hundr$ ye>s
 ago4 ,exemption f w>s4 ,int]nal peace4 
,will+ness & habit ( settl+ e dome/ic   

dispute by ! ballot1 & n ! bullet4 ,!   
increas+ t5d5cy to arbitrate betwe5     
nations1 ?us avoid+ ! horrors ( w>4 ,!  
b5efic5ce ( our gov]nm5t & ! ease ) :i* 
its op]ations re/ ^u our %\ld]s4 ,!     
wond]ful progress ( sci5ce & inv5tion1 &
 ! mann] 9 :i* ^! h add$ to ! com=t (   
all ! p4  ,,select$ ,,outl9e ,,foe ,a   
,,?anksgiv+ ,,spee*  ,:y we ought to be 
grateful to ! old ,puritans1 ) all _!   
faults4 ,_! unsuccessful w>f>e on plum  
pudd+1 :i*1 l tru?1 cru%$ to e>?1 rose  
aga94 ,_! discov]y & en%r9+ ( ,turkey4  
,on ?is day ! ,nation ga!rs z a family  
at ! ,?anksgiv+ bo>d1 & f all p>ts ( !  
_w ! w&]]s come home to ! family fea/4  
,! duty ( ,happ9ess1 jo9$ to gratitude1 
is emphasiz$ ?is day4 ,! clos+ toa/1 ,! 
,f$]al ,eagle & ! ,fe/al ,turkey2 may we
 always h peace "u ! w+s ( ! "o1 & be   
able to obta9 a piece f ! brea/ ( ! o!r4
     ,,pres5tation ,,addresses   ,giv+ a
 pres5t is a k9d & graceful act1 & %\ld 
be accompani$ by a simple1 %ort1 &      
unaffect$ spee*4 ,take ?is w\ld h ! m]it

 ( brevity1 b w\ld fail 9 convey+ any   
in=mation z to :o gave1 :y !y gave to ! 
recipi5t1 & :y t pres5t 0 select$ r ?an 
ano!r1 & :y ! speak] 0 *os5 to make !   
pres5tation4 ,all ( ^! items =m a "p (  
ne>ly e pres5tation address1 :il/ "s (  
!m belong to all4  ,! novice w f9d mu*  
help 9 prep>+ 8 propos$ spee* by select+
 a few items t are g5]ally appropriate2 
aft]w>d he c include any?+ :i* 8 own    
g5ius or wi%es may sugge/4  ,he may say 
t an abl] speak] might h be5 select$ = !
 pleasant duty1 b n "o :o c\ld ent] into
 x m he>tily or ) m good wi%es4 ,he c   
ref] to any circum/ance :i*1 if told    
briefly1 w %[ :y he has be5 select$1    
not)/&+ 8 reluctance or s5se (          
unwor?9ess2 or :y he is pleas$ t !      
selection has fall5 ^u him4 ,su* ref]5ce
 is usually effective4  ,!n ! nature ( !
 gift may be describ$4 ,"h is an easy   
field = a little pleasantry4 ,if a wat*1
 x c be said1 ,y\r fri5ds are gr[+ a    
little suspici\s ( y1 &1 aft] due       
delib]ation1 !y h det]m9$ to a place a  

wat* ^u y4 ,if a cane is ! article 9 h&1
 !n ! pa9ful duty ( adm9i/]+ puni%m5t = 
(f5ses by can+ is 9 ord]4 ,a r+ w af=d  
an opportunity = _m v]bal plays4 ,! r+ (
 fri5ds ab\t ! recipi5t1 ! true r+ ( a  
bell1 or ( an uncrack$ vase1 a political
 r+--any ( ^! c be made to lead up to ! 
little hoop ( gold4 ,! f95ess ( !       
mat]ial1 its /]l+ & unv>y+ value1 !     
inscription on x1 any specialty 9 its   
=m--all ^! w be f\nd ri* 9 sugge/ion4   
,silv]w>e ( any k9d may also be consid]$
 z to ! =m ( ! article1 ! use to :i* x  
is to be put1 & ! purity ( ! metal4     
,h>dly any article c be ?\ght ( :i* w n 
all[ "s pleasant puns or bon mots4 ,if a
 book is giv51 we br+ ! p]son to book1 &
 ! book to him4 ,job wi%$ t 8 enemy     
might write a book2 we1 m *>itable1 wi% 
our fri5d to read a book1 & n[ (f] him a
 good "o = ! purpose4 ,! au?or or !     
title w1 if closely exam9$1 yield "s    
matt] = play on words4  ,! army pres5ts 
( sword or bann]1 :ile usually m s]i\s1 
d n =bid ! same k9d ( bad9age4  ,b ?is  

%\ld =m only a small portion ( ! spee*1 
& consi/ m]ely ( two or ?ree well-/udi$ 
s5t5ces1 to be utt]$ sl[ly1 s t _! d\ble
 mean+ may h "t to s9k 91 & appe> also z
 if !y 7 j ?\ght (4 ,a good anecdote    
%\ld be introduc$ at ?is po9t4 ,x mu/ be
 %ort1 t+$ ) humor1 &1 if x succe$s 9   
ar\s+ ! att5tion ( ! he>]s1 x w be (    
great value4 ,if x is v appropriate or  
highly illu/rative1 ^! qualities w      
comp5sate = humor4 ,inde$1 a felicit\s  
anecdote w make ! :ole spee* a success1 
if ! spee* is n cont9u$ too long        
aft]w>d4 ,bett] suff] ! extreme p5alty (
 read+ e anecdote 9 ?is volume1 & (     
se>*+ = h\rs 9 o!r fields1 ?an fail to  
get ! "r "o2 b if unsuccessful inv5t "o 
= ! occasion6  ,! good qualities ( !    
recipi5t mu/ n be ov]look$1 especially  
^? 9 recognition ( :i* ! pres5t is giv54
 ,if any?+ 9 ! nature ( ! pres5t itself 
c be made symbolic ( ^! assum$ good or  
great qualities1 x w be a happy         
circum/ance4 ,& :ile flatt]y %\ld n be  
excessive or too palpable1 x is seldom  

inde$ t a l>ge dose ( pleasant ?+s w n  
be well receiv$ by all p>ties on su* an 
occasion4  ,! expression ( k9dly feel+ &
 good wi%es always af=ds a favorable    
opportunity = clos+4 ,p]haps1 h[ev]1 a m
 /rik+ conclusion c be made by tak+     
advantage ( ! v mom5t :5 ! pres5t is h&$
 ov] to ! recipi5t1 accompany+ ?is act )
 a he>ty wi% = its long ret5tion & its  
happy use 9 ! mann] its nature          
indicates4 ,wi%+ a r+ to be worn z a    
mem5to ( fri5d%ip1 a wat* to m>k !      
passage ( happy h\rs1 a cane n to be    
ne$$ = support1 b only z a treasur$     
ornam5t1 a sword to be worn ) honor &   
only to be un%ea!d at ! call ( duty or (
 patriotism1 etc4  ,! reception ( a gift
 is m easy ?an ! pres5tation1 b is at ! 
same "t m emb>rass+4 ,! reception is    
easi]1 because ! ess5tial "p ( !        
response is to say ,?ank y1 :i* are v   
easy words to utt] if ! giv]s are real  
fri5ds & ! pres5t is an appropriate "o4 
,x is m emb>rass+ because x is always   
h>d] to receive a favor gratefully ?an  

to give "o4 ,if ! gift is a surprise1   
!re is no h>m 9 say+ s1 ?\gh if x is n a
 surprise1 x is n advisable to tell an  
untru? ab\t x4 ,! recipi5t may say he is
 emb>rass$1 & 8 emb>rassm5t--:e!r real  
or feign$--w create sympa?y = him4      
,besides1 he c ask = indulg5ce ) m grace
 ?an ! prec$+ speak]1 z he is suppos$ to
 be tak5 by surprise4 ,he may be s      
ov]come ) emotion z to break d[n        
altoge!r1 & yet he w be l\dly applaud$4 
,a /ill /rong] reason = ?is disp>ity is 
t ! speak] repres5t+ ! giv]s has be5    
select$1 probably out ( a l>ge company1 
to make 8 spee*1 & is ?us expect$ to d x
 well2 b ! receiv] occupies 8 position =
 a reason t has no connection :atev] ) 8
 spee*-mak+ p[]s4 ,if he succe$s 9      
express+ 8 gratitude & goodwill to ^? :o
 h be5 s g5]\s he w h s]v$ ! ess5tial   
purpose ( 8 spee*2 b if1 9 addition1 he 
c ga!r up ! po9ts made 9 ! pres5tation  
spee*1 ass5t+ to its g5]al pr9ciples1   
accept+ ! humor\s *>ges = :i* he is to  
be wat*$1 can$1 /on$ 7:5 a diamond or   

o!r /one is giv571 or put to ! sword1 & 
g5tly deprecates ! s]i\s flatt]y (f]$1  
he w be reg>d$ z do+ exce$+ly well4 ,"o 
phrase he w n be likely to omit1 unless 
he loses 8 head altoge!r--,:5 ,i look ^u
 ?is1 ,i w always rememb] ! feel+s ( ?is
 h\r1 ! k9d words utt]$1 ! appreciation 
%[n4 ,?is ^w appreciation4 ) !          
reit]ation ( ?anks1 w make a v fitt+    
conclusion4     ,,addresses ,,(         
,,welcome   ,9 our c\ntry ! numb] (     
volunt>y associations t visit simil>    
associations1 or meet at special times &
 places is v l>ge4 ,(t5 su* associations
 are furni%$ ) free bo>d & lodg+ by ! p 
( ! place :]e ! assemblage occurs4      
,facilities = assemblage & enjoym5t are 
(f]$ & o!r privileges t5d]$ t are highly
 appreciat$4 ,religi\s bodies1 *ur* &   
philan?ropic societies1 milit>y & fire  
companies1 a?letic & social clubs1 v>i\s
 ord]s & educational societies1         
political bodies1 ^! =m only a small    
proportion ( ! endless numb] (          
organizations conv5+ & ga!r+ at diff]5t 

c5tres1 ga!r+s :i* s]ve to keep all p>ts
 ( our c\ntry 9 close t\*4  ,x is       
ne$less to furni% model spee*es = ea* ( 
^!1 = ! same g5]al l9e ( rem>k is adapt$
 to all4 ,! *anges ( illu/ration dem&$  
by ! "* ( ! association to be welcom$1 &
 = :i* responses are to be made1 w be   
readily und]/ood1 & a little /udy ( ! "n
 & "* ( ! place ( meet+ w make !        
necess>y local allusions q easy4 ,!     
welcome & response = a fire company1 or 
a baseball club1 w n diff] mu* f t = a  
,*ri/ian ,endeavor ,society4 ,a few     
g5]al h9ts & a little inve/igation by ! 
novice w put him on ! "r track 9 ei!r   
case4   ,,address ,,( ,,welcome  ,a cle>
 /atem5t ab\t ^? :o ext5d ! welcome & ( 
^? :o are to be welcom$ is appropriate4 
,?is may be exp&$ advantage\sly by giv+ 
a few ( ! *>act]i/ics ( ea*1 great]     
latitude be+ all[$ 9 complim5t+ ^? :o   
are welcom$ ?an ^? :o ent]ta94 ,x is bad
 ta/e to sp5d m "t 9 tell+ our gue/s h[ 
good & great we are ?an 9 express+ !    
exalt$ op9ion we h ( !m = _! noble "w1  

_! great fame1 or _! high purpose2 or 9 
decl>+ ! pleasure we feel & ! honor we h
 9 ent]ta9+ !m4 ,! w>m? ( ! welcome     
ext5d$ %\ld be express$ 9 ! fulle/      
mann]1 & z ?is is ! c5tral purpose ( !  
:ole address1 x w be> "o repetition4 ,a 
good illu/rative /ory1 brief b po9t$1   
may be work$ 9 some:]e1 p]haps 9        
connection ) a mode/ depreciation ( our 
own fitness or ability adequately to    
express ! /rong feel+s ( ^? we repres5t1
 ?\gh if "o c be f\nd hav+ a connection 
) ! visitors !mselves1 x w be /ill      
bett]4 ,:at we wi% our visitors to d    
:ile ) u may also be appropriately      
ref]r$ to4 ,if !re are places ( int]e/ =
 !m to visit1 "w = !m to d1 or special  
ent]ta9m5ts provid$1--"h is additional  
matt] = rem>k4 ,all ^! items may be run 
?r\gh 9 a few m9utes1 & !n ! address    
%\ld close4 ,! mo/ bungl+ & =mal        
welcome1 if %ort1 w be enjoy$ m & be m  
applaud$ ?an ! mo/ graceful & eloqu5t "o
 unduly prolong$4 ,%\ld h[ev]1 9 spite (
 ?is w>n+1 m fill+ 9 be desir$ ( an     

appropriate "*1 x may be f\nd almo/ )\t 
limit 9 sett+ =? ! claim ( ! cause :i*  
bo? ! visitors & ! ent]ta9]s            
repres5t--a?letic sports1 religion1     
b5evol5ce1 education1 or :at n4         
,,address ,,9 ,,response  ,?is may be   
/ill m brief ?an ! address ( welcome4   
,to say t ! reception is he>ty1 t x     
gives pleasure & is gratefully receiv$ &
 appreciat$1 is all t is ess5tial4 ,an  
invitation to return ! visit %\ld n be  
=gott51 if circum/ances are su* t x c be
 appropriately made4 ,!n ! speak] has an
 opportunity to review any portion ( !  
prec$+ spee* & express 8 indorsem5t (   
any ( ! ass]tions made4 ,he %\ld n      
diss5t f !m1 unless ?is diss5t c be made
 ! means ( a little adroit flatt]y by   
plac+ a high] e/imate ^u ! ent]ta9]s &  
_! s]vices ?an _! own speak] has done1  
or by mode/ly disclaim+ "s ( ! praise t 
has be5 giv54 ,! novice mu/ avoid be+   
c>ri$ too f> by ?is fasc9at+ review1 bo?
 z to ! quantity & ! quality ( !        
disagreem5t4  ,a clos+ s5t5ce may be1   

,all[ me once m1 mo/ he>tily1 to ?ank y 
= ?is g5]\s welcome to--y\r homes--y\r  
headqu>t]s--to ! hospitalities ( y\r    
city1 z ! case may be4     ,,w$d+ ,,&   
,,o!r ,,anniv]s>ies   ,ano!r wide field 
= ! oratory ( ent]ta9m5t is to be f\nd 9
 ! v>i\s celebrations t m>k ! passage ( 
specific or notable portions (          
"t--c5t5nial1 semi-c5t5nial1 &          
quadr5nial2 likewise w$d+s1 annual1 t91 
pap]1 cry/al1 silv]1 & gold54 ,! spee*es
 = ^! diff] widely 9 "*4 ,!y may take ! 
=m ( congratulatory addresses1 ( toa/s &
 responses1 or m =mal addresses4 ,all   
d$ications come 9 ! same category4      
,g5]ally ! %ort] int]vals call = light &
 humor\s spee*es1 :ile ! long] ones dem&
 some?+ m grave & ?\ghtful4  ,! foll[+  
spee* & response = a wood5 7fif?7 w$d+  
anniv]s>y is tak5 f a volume ( ready    
made spee*es4 ,x is a f9e example ( t   
wit & play ^u words :i* is nev] m       
suitable or m highly appreciat$ ?an on  
su* an occasion4   ,,spee* ,,= ,a       
,,wood5 ,,w$d+  ,if x is a good maxim n 

to halloo till y are out ( ! woods1 our 
k9d ho/ & ho/ess mu/ be v quiet ?is     
ev5+1 = x seems to me t !y are 9 ! ?ick 
( x4 ,if _! fri5ds _h be5 ab\t to burn  
!m alive in/ead ( to wi% !m joy on _!   
fif? w$d+-day1 !y c\ld sc>cely h br\ght 
a great] quantity ( combu/ible mat]ial  
to ! sacrifice4 ,:at %all we say to !m  
on ?is ligne\s occasion8 ,( c\rse1 we   
mu/ congratulate !m on _! will+ness to  
r5ew _! matrimonial v[s aft] five ye>s (
 d\ble-bless$ness4 ,9 ?is age ( divorce 
x is some?+ wor?y ( note1 t a pair :o h 
be5 "o & insep>able = ev5 s %ort a p]iod
 z ! tw5tie? "p ( a c5tury1 %\ld /& up  
pr\dly be=e ! _w & propose to /r5g!n !  
orig9al compact ) a new "o4 ,!y look z  
happy & cont5t$ z if !y _h nev] he>d (  
,*icago1 or se5 ^? tempt+ little        
adv]tisem5ts 9 ! newspap]s t propose to 
sep>ate man & wife ) imm$iate dispat* = 
a reasonable consid]ation4 ,in/ead ( go+
 to c\rt to cut ! nuptial bond 9 twa91 x
 appe>s t !y h be5 c\rt+ = five ye>s ) !
 view ( be+ rem>ri$ ?is ev5+4           

,vacc9ation1 x is said1 we>s out 9 sev5 
ye>s1 b matrimony1 we see1 9 ?is        
in/ance1 at lea/1 takes a /rong] hold ( 
! p>ties inoculat$ z "t rolls on2 &     
al?\gh 9 ?is case !y are will+ to g     
?r\gh ! op]ation aga91 x is n = ! sake (
 mak+ assurance d\bly sure1 b 9 ord] to 
enjoy m>riage z a luxury4 ,) ?is happy  
specim5 ( a wood5 w$d+ be=e !m our "y   
unm>ri$ fri5ds w see t !y c g into !    
jo9]y bus9ess ) b little risk ( gett+   
into ! wrong box4 ,9 fact1 x is because 
connubial bliss beats e o!r species (   
felicity all holl[ t we h met ?is ev5+  
to requite x ) holl[-w>e4 ,9 ! "n ( all 
_! fri5ds ,i affectionately congratulate
 ! d\bly-m>ri$ pair on _! pa/ happ9ess &
 future prospects1 & hope !y may live to
 celebrate _! fiftie? w$d+ day & receive
 a gold5 rew>d4   ,,bridegroom ,,9      
,,reply  ,= self & p>tn]--z m5 associat$
 9 bus9ess sometimes conclude _!        
lett]s--,i (f] to y & all our fri5ds :o 
h oblig$ u ) _! pres5ce1 ! ?anks ( !    
firm :i* r5ews its articles ( p>tn]%ip  

?is ev5+4 ,we welcome y he>tily to our  
home1 well kn[+ t y\r k9d wi%es are n   
l--y\r useful & elegant tok5s (         
remembrance--holl[-w>e4 ,:5 ,birnam     
,wood came to ,duns9ane1 ,macbe? 0      
conqu]$1 & x seems to me t y h come     
almo/ z well provid$ ) timb] z ,macduff 
& ,malcolm 74 ,y\r articles1 h[ev]1     
al?\gh ( wood1 are n ( ! ,burn 'em k9d1 
& ,i am n su* a ,dunce inane z to decl9e
 accept+ !m4 ,inde$1 my wife1 :o1       
not)/&+ h] matrimonial v[s1 has a s+le  
eye--to h\sekeep+--w\ld n p]mit me to   
refuse !m 7 ,i s incl9$4 ,%e kn[s _!    
value bett] ?an ,i d1 & ) ! assi/ance ( 
h] kit*5 cab9et w1 ,i h no d\bt1 employ 
!m usefully4  ,! spee* closes ) ?anks & 
good wi%es 9 return4     ,,toa/s   ,a   
toa/ may be giv5 ei!r ) or )\t s5tim5t  
atta*$1 & 9 ei!r case a response equally
 fitt+2 b 9 ! =m] ! subject is n>r[$ &  
def9$ by ! nature ( ! s5tim5t4 ,yet !   
speak] ne$ n hold himself closely to !  
s5tim5t1 :i* is (t5 made r a po9t (     
dep>ture ev5 by ! able/ speak]s4 ,inde$1

 ! latitude accord$ to aft]-d9n] spee*es
 is v great1 & a s5tim5t :i* gives unity
 & direction to ! spee* made 9 response 
to x is1 on t acc\nt1 ( great value4    
,to illu/rate ^! po9ts we w take ! toa/ 
,our ,flag4 ,a spee* 9 response w\ld be 
practically unlimit$ 9 scope ( treatm5t4
 ,any?+ patriotic1 hi/orical or         
s5tim5tal1 :i* br+s 9 "s ref]5ce to !   
bann]1 w\ld be appropriate4 ,b let ?is  
s5tim5t be add$3 ,may ! ju/ness &       
b5evol5ce :i* x repres5ts ev] *>m !     
he>t1 z its beauty *>ms ! eye1 & !      
outl9e ( a spee* is already indicat$4   
,has our nation always be5 j & k9d8 ,:]e
 & h[ h ^! qualities be5 mo/ /rik+ly    
manife/$8 ,:y h we seem$ sometimes to   
come %ort ( !m1 & h[ %\ld su* inju/ice  
or h>% deal+ be rem$i$1 ) z mu*         
rhetorical admixture ( ! wav+ folds & ! 
glitt]+ />s z ! speak] sees fit to      
employ4  ,f ^! consid]ations may be     
d$uc$ ! rule t :5 ! propos] ( a toa/    
wi%es to leave ! respond5t ! fre$om ( ! 
:ole subject he w give ! toa/ alone1 or 

accompani$ by a motto ( ! mo/           
non-committal "*4 ,b if he wi%es to draw
 him out 9 a p>ticul> direction he w put
 ! real !me 9 ! s5tim5t t foll[s ! toa/4
   ,,s5tim5ts ,,sugge/$ ,,by ,a ,,toa/  
,ye>s ago a speak] provok$ a controv]sy 
7malici\sly & ) no good excuse7 :i*     
sc>cely came %ort ( bl[s1 by propos+ z a
 toa/ ! "n ( a g5]al ( high rank1 b :o 0
 un=tunate 9 arms4 ,he 0 a c&idate =    
(fice4 ,add$ to ! toa/ 0 ! s5tim5t1 ,may
 8 political equal 8 milit>y victories4 
,?is 0 9 bad ta/e1 inde$1 b x %[s ! use 
t c be made ( ! s5tim5t1 :5 add$ to a   
toa/1 9 fix+ att5tion 9 a c]ta9         
direction4  ,! numb] ( s5tim5ts sugge/$ 
by ! common & /&>d toa/s is unlimit$4   
,take ! toa/ ,home1 z an example4       
,home3 ,! gold5 sett+ 9 :i* ! brighte/  
jewel is ,"m4  ,home3 ,a _w ( /rife %ut 
out1 & a _w ( love %ut 94  ,home3 ,!    
blossoms ( :i* heav5 is ! fruit4  ,home3
 ,! only spot on e>? :]e ! fault &      
fail+s ( fall5 humanity are hidd5 "u a  
mantle ( *>ity4  ,home3 ,an abode :]e9 !

 inmate1 ! sup]ior be+ call$ man1 c pay 
back at night1 ) fifty p] c5t4 int]e/1 e
 annoyance t he has met ) 9 bus9ess dur+
 ! day4  ,home3 ,! place :]e ! great are
 sometimes small1 & ! small (t5 great4  
,home3 ,! fa!r's k+dom2 ! *ild's        
p>adise2 ! "m's _w4  ,home3 ,! jewel    
casket conta9+ ! mo/ preci\s ( all      
jewels--dome/ic happ9ess4  ,home3 ,!    
place :]e y are treat$ be/ & grumble    
mo/4  ,home3 ,x is ! c5tral telegraph   
(fice ( human love1 into :i* run        
innum]able wires ( affection1 _m ( :i*1 
?\gh ext5d+ ?\s&s ( miles1 are nev]     
disconnect$ f ! "o great t]m9us4  ,home3
 ,! c5tre ( our affections1 ar\nd :i*   
our he>ts' be/ wi%es tw9e4  ,home3 ,a   
little %elt]$ holl[ scoop$ out ( ! w9dy 
hill ( ! _w4  ,home3 ,a place :]e our   
/oma*s get ?ree good meals daily & our  
he>ts a ?\s&4   ,,miscellane\s ,,toa/s  
,^! might be multipli$ indef9itely1 b a 
suffici5t numb] are giv5 to s]ve z h9ts 
to ! p]son :o is able to make 8 own     
toa/s1 yet seeks a little aid to lift   

him out ( ! common rut4  ,m>riage3 ,!   
happy e/ate :i* resembles a pair ( %e>s2
 s jo9$ t !y _c be sep>at$2 (t5 mov+ 9  
opposite directions1 yet always puni%+  
any "o :o comes betwe5 !m4  ,m>riage3 ,!
 gate ?r\gh :i* ! happy lov] leaves 8   
en*ant$ gr\nd & returns f p>adise to    
e>?4  ,woman3 ,! faire/ "w ( ! great    
,au?or2 ! edition is l>ge1 & no man %\ld
 be )\t a copy4  ,woman3 ,%e ne$s no    
eulogy2 %e speaks = h]self4  ,woman3 ,! 
bitt] half ( man4 7,a s\r ba*elor's     
toa/47  ,w$lock3 ,may ! s+le all be     
m>ri$ & all ! m>ri$ be happy4 ,love to  
"o1 fri5d%ip to _m1 & good-w to all4  ,!
 ,lady we love & ! ,fri5d we tru/4  ,may
 we h ! unspeakable good ,=tune to w9 a 
true he>t1 & ! ,m]it to keep x4         
,fri5d%ip3 ,may its b>k nev] f\nd] on ! 
rocks ( deception4  ,fri5d%ip3 ,may its 
lamp ev] be suppli$ by ! oil ( tru? &   
fidelity4  ,unselfi% ,fri5d%ip3 ,may we 
ev] be able to s]ve a fri5d1 & noble    
en\gh to conceal x4  ,firm ,fri5d%ip3   
,may diff]5ces ( op9ion only cem5t x4   

,may we h m & m ,fri5ds & ,ne$ !m less &
 less4  ,may our ,fri5d 9 sorr[ nev] be 
a ,sorr[+ fri5d4  ,active ,fri5d%ip3    
,may ! h+es ( fri5d%ip nev] gr[ ru/y4   
,to our ,fri5ds3 ,:e!r abs5t on l& or   
sea4  ,our ,fri5ds3 ,may ! pres5t h no  
burd5s = !m & futurity no t]rors4  ,our 
,fri5ds3 ,may we always h !m & always "k
 _! value4  ,fri5ds3 ,may we be ri*] 9  
_! love ?an 9 weal?1 & yet money be     
pl5ty4  ,a ,fri5d3 ,may we nev] want "o 
to *e] u1 or a home to welcome him4     
,good ,judgm5t3 ,may op9ions nev] float 
9 ! sea ( ignorance4  ,c>eful ,k9dness3 
,may we nev] crack a joke or break a    
reputation4  ,endur+ ,prud5ce3 ,may !   
pleasures ( y\? nev] br+ u pa9 9 old    
age4  ,deliv]ance 9 ,tr\ble3 ,may !     
sun%9e ( hope dispel ! cl\ds ( calamity4
  ,successful ,suit3 ,may we c\rt & w9  
all ! ,daught]s ( ,=tune except !       
elde/--,miss ,=tune4  ,"h's a ,heal? to 
,detail1 ,retail1 & ,curtail--inde$1 all
 ! tails b tell-tales4  ,! ,com+        
,mill5nium3 ,:5 great m5 are hone/ &    

hone/ m5 are great4  ,our ,m]*ant3 ,may 
he h good trade1 well paid4 ,may !      
,devil cut ! toes ( all our foes1 ,t we 
may "k !m by _! limp+4  ,may we ,live to
 le>n well & ,le>n to live well4  ,a    
,placid ,life3 ,may we nev] murmur )\t  
cause1 & nev] h cause to murmur4  ,may  
we nev] lose our ,bait :5 we ,fi% =     
complim5ts4  ,a ,bett] ,di/ribution (   
,money3 ,may ,av>ice lose 8 purse &     
,b5evol5ce f9d x4  ,may ,c>e be a /rang]
 & ,s]5ity a famili> fri5d to e hone/   
he>t4  ,may ,=tune recov] h] eyesight & 
be able to di/ribute h] gifts m wisely &
 equally4  ,may ,bad ,example nev]      
attract y\?ful m9ds4  ,may ,pov]ty nev] 
come to u )\t ri* comp5sations & hope ( 
a spe$y dep>ture4  ,our ,flag3 ,!       
beautiful bann] t repres5ts ! preci\s   
mettle ( ,am]ica4  ,am]ican ,eagle1 ,!3 
,! lib]ty bird t p]mits no lib]ties4    
,am]ican ,eagle1 ,!3 ,may %e build h]   
ne/ 9 e rock peak ( ?is cont95t4        
,am]ican ,valor3 ,may no w> require x1 b
 may x be always ready = e foe4         

,am]ican ,p1 ,!3 ,may !y live 9 peace & 
gr[ /rong 9 ! practice ( e virtue4  ,our
 ,native ,l&3 ,may x ev] be wor?y ( our 
he>tie/ love1 & cont9ue to draw x =? )\t
 /9t4  7,a spread-eagle toa/47 ,!       
,b\nd>ies ( ,our ,c\ntry3 ,ea/1 by !    
,ris+ ,sun2 nor?1 by ! ,nor? ,pole2 we/1
 by all ,creation2 & s\?1 by ! ,day (   
,judgm5t4  ,our ,lakes & ,riv]s3        
,navigable wat]s t unite all ! ,/ates & 
r5d] ! v ?\ght ( _! sep>ation absurd4   
,our ,sons & ,daught]s3 ,may !y be hone/
 z brave & mode/ z fair4  ,am]ica & !   
,_w3 ,may our nation ev] enjoy ! bless+s
 ( ! wide/ lib]ty1 & be ev] ready to    
promote ! lib]ties ( mank9d4            
,discont5t$ ,citiz5s3 ,may !y spe$ily   
leave _! c\ntry = _! c\ntry's good4     
,am]ica3    ,our he>ts1 our hopes are   
all ) !e1     ,our he>ts1 our hopes1 our
 pray]s1 our te>s1     ,our fai?1       
triumphant o'er our fe>s1   ,are all )  
!e1 are all ) !e4  ,! ,patriot3         
,brea!s !re a man ) s\l s dead1    ,:o  
nev] to himself ha? said1      ,?is is  

my own1 my native l&2    ,^: he>t ha?   
ne'er )9 him burn$1    ,z home 8        
foot/eps he ha? turn$      ,f w&]+ on a 
=eign /r&8  ,our ,c\ntry3 ,:e!r b\nd$ by
 ,canada or ,mexico1 or h[ev] o!rwise   
b\nd$ & describ$2 be ! measurem5t m or  
less1 /ill ,our ,c\ntry2 to be *]i%$ 9  
our he>ts & def5d$ by our lives4  ,our  
,c\ntry3 ,9 our int]c\rse ) =eign       
nations may %e always be 9 ! "r2 & if n1
 may we ev] be true patriots en\gh to   
get h] into ! "r at any co/4  ,our      
,c\ntry3 ,may we r5d] due rev]5ce & love
 to ! common "m ( u all4  ,! ,%ip (     
,/ate3    ,nail to ! ma/ h] holy flag2  
,set e ?readb>e sail2   ,& give h] to ! 
,god ( ,/orms1      ,! lightn+ & ! gale4
  ,columbia3 ,my c\ntry1 ) all ?y       
faults1 ,i love !e /ill4  ,web/]'s      
,motto3 ,lib]ty & ,union1 n[ & =ev]1 "o 
& insep>able4  ,true ,patriotism3 ,may e
 ,am]ican be a good citiz5 9 peace1 a   
valiant soldi] 9 w>4  ,our ,c\ntry3 ,may
 our love ( c\ntry be )\t b\nds & )\t a 
%ad[ ( fe>4  ,our ,/atesm53 ,may !y c>e 

less = p>ty & = p]sonal ambition ?an = !
 nation's welf>e4  ,failure to ,treason3
 ,may he :o w\ld de/roy 8 c\ntry = a    
mess ( pottage nev] get ! pottage6  ,!  
,p5alty ( ,treason3 ,may he :o w\ld     
uproot ! tree ( ,lib]ty be ! fir/ "o    
cru%$ by its fall4  ,! ,nation3 ,may x  
"k no ,nor?1 no ,s\?1 no ,ea/1 no ,we/1 
b only "o broad1 beautiful1 glori\s l&4 
,am]ica3    ,de> ,c\ntry1 our ?\ghts are
 m con/ant to !e1   ,?an ! /eel to ! /> 
& ! /ream to ! sea4  ,our ,revolution>y 
,fa!rs3 ,may _! sons nev] disgrace _!   
p>5tage4  ,our ,t[n3 ,! be/ 9 ! l&2 let 
him t don't l x leave x4  ,! ,tree (    
,lib]ty3 ,may e ,am]ican citiz5 help    
cultivate x & eat freely ( its fruit4   
,! ,emigrant3 ,may ! man t doesn't love 
8 native c\ntry spe$ily hie him to "o t 
he c love4  ,! ,am]ican ,eagle3 ,x is n 
heal?ful to try to deposit salt on 8    
v5]able tail4  ,cali=nia3 ,! l& ( gold5 
rocks & gold5 fruits4  ,ohio3 ,! second 
,"m ( ,presid5ts4  ,v]mont3 ,a ,/ate (  
rocks1 b produc+ m51 wom51 maple sug>1 &

 horses4    ,! fir/ are /rong1 ! la/ are
 fleet1   ,! second & ?ird are exce$+ly 
sweet1   ,& all are uncommonly h>d to   
beat4  ,texas3 ,! bigge/ ( ,/ates1 & "o 
( ! v be/4  ,new ,york3 ,unrivall$ if   
numb]s 9 city & ,/ate be ! te/4  ,our   
,navy3 ,may x always be z anxi\s to     
pres]ve peace z to uphold ! honor ( !   
flag 9 w>4  ,our ,army3 ,may x ev] be v 
small 9 peace1 b gr[ to mighty dim5sions
 & mighti] a*ievem5t 9 w>4  ,our        
,c\ntry3 ,may ! =m ( lib]ty nev] be us$ 
to subv]t ! pr9ciples ( true fre$om4    
,our ,vot]s3 ,may !y always h a /&>d to 
try _! rul]s by1 & be quick to puni% or 
rew>d ju/ly4  ,=tune3 ,a div9ity to     
fools1 a help] to wise m54  ,! ,pres5t3 
,anticipation may be v agreeable b      
p>ticipation is m practical4  ,! ,pres5t
 ,opportunity3 ,we may lay 9 a /ock (   
pleasures = use 9 memory1 b !y mu/ be   
kept c>efully to prev5t m\ld]+4         
,philosophy3 ,x may conqu] pa/ or pres5t
 pa9 b too?a*e1 :ile x la/s1 laughs at  
philosophy4  ,our ,noble ,selves3 ,:y n 

toa/ ourselves & praise ourselves s9ce  
we h ! be/ means ( kn[+ all ! good 9    
ourselves8  ,*>ity3 ,a l9k f ! *a9 (    
gold t angels =ge4  ,our ,h>ve/s3 ,may !
 sun%9e ( pl5ty dispel ! cl\ds ( c>e4   
,virtue3 ,may we h ! wit to discov] :at 
is true & ! =titude to practice :at is  
good4  ,our ,firesides3 ,our heads may n
 be %>p5$ at colleges1 b our he>ts are  
graduates ( ! he>?s4  ,! ,true ,m$ium3  
,give u good =m1 b n =mality4  ,!       
,excesses ( ,y\?3 ,!y are heavy drafts  
^u old age1 payable ) comp\nd int]e/    
ab\t ?irty ye>s f date4  ,! ,be/ ( ,good
 ,feel+3 ,may we nev] feel want nor want
 feel+4  ,our ,incomes3 ,may we h a head
 to e>n & he>ts to sp5d4  ,=be>ance3    
,may we h ke5 wit1 b nev] make a sword (
 our tongues to w\nd ! reputation (     
o!rs4  ,wit3 ,a *eap & na/y commodity :5
 utt]$ at ! exp5se ( mode/y & c\rtesy4  
,*e]fulness & ,=titude3 ,may we nev]    
give way to melan*oly1 b always be m]ry 
at ! "r places4  ,g5]osity3 ,may we all 
be z *>itable & indulg5t z ! ,khan (    

,t>t>y1 :o1 :5 he has d9$ on milk &     
horsefle%1 makes proclamation t all !   
k+s & emp]ors ( e>? h n[ 8 graci\s      
p]mission to d9e4  ,economy3 ,! daught] 
( ,prud5ce1 ! si/] ( ,temp]ance1 & !    
p>5t ( ,indep5d5ce4  ,fidelity &        
,=giv5ess3 ,may our injuries be writt5 9
 s& & our gratitude = b5efits 9 rock4   
,a ,good ,memory3 ,may x always be us$ z
 a /oreh\se & nev] z a lumb]-room4  ,a  
,heal? to ,our ,de>e/3 ,may _! purses   
always be heavy & _! he>ts always be    
light4  ,! ,noble/ ,qualities3 ,*>ity   
)\t o/5tation & religion )\t bigotry4   
,disc]nm5t ( ,"*3 ,may ,flatt]y nev] be 
p]mitt$ to sit 9 ! p>lor :ile ,pla9 &   
,k9dly ,deal+ is kick$ out into !       
wood%$4  ,false ,fri5ds3 ,may we nev] h 
fri5ds :o1 l %ad[s1 keep close to u 9 ! 
sun%9e only to des]t u 9 a cl\dy day or 
9 ! night4  ,a ,compet5ce3 ,may we nev] 
want bread to make a toa/ or a good cook
 to prep>e x4  ,! ,man we ,love3 ,he :o 
?9ks mo/ good & speaks lea/ ill ( 8     
neighbors4  ,human ,nature z ! ,be/     

,/udy3 ,he :o is le>n$ 9 books alone may
 "k h[ "s ?+s ought to be1 b he :o reads
 m5 le>ns h[ ?+s are4  ,metaphysics !   
,noble/ ( ! ,sci5ces3 ,:5 a mon :a' k5s 
nae?+ aboot ony subject1 takes a subject
 t nae mon k5s ony?+ aboot & expla9s x  
to ani!r mon /ill m ignorant--t's       
,metaphysics4  ,! ,de$s ( ,m53 ,! be/   
int]pret]s ( _! motives4  ,love &       
,affection3 ,! necess>y basis = a happy 
life4  ,*>ity3 ,a mantle ( heav5ly weav+
 us$ to cov] ! faults ( our neighbors4  
,*>itable ,all[ances3 ,may our eyes be  
no ke5] :5 we look ^u ! faults ( o!rs   
?an :5 we survey our own4  ,*e]ful      
,c\rage3 ,may ?is be our maxim :5e'er we
 are twirl$1 ,a fig = ! c>es ( ?is      
:irl-a-gig _w4  ,a ,gold5 ,maxim3 ,to   
err is human1 to =give div9e4  ,prud5ce 
9 ,spee*3 ,! imprud5t man reflects ^u   
:at he has said1 ! wise man ^u :at he is
 go+ to say4  ,?\ght & ,spee*3 ,x is mu*
 saf] to always ?9k :at we say ?an      
always to say :at we ?9k4  ,ev]ybody3   
,may no "o n[ feel t he has be5 omitt$4 

,fame3 ,! great und]tak] :o pays little 
att5tion to ! liv+ b makes no end (     
p>ade ov] ! dead4  ,! ,*att]box3 ,may he
 give u a few brilliant fla%es ( sil5ce4
  ,discretion 9 ,spee*3 ,may we always  
rememb] ! mann]1 ! place1 & ! "t4  ,a   
,happy ,future3 ,may ! be/ day we h se5 
be worse ?an ! wor/ t is to come4       
,,humor\s ,,toa/s4  ,to a ,fat ,fri5d3  
,may y\r %ad[ nev] gr[ less4  ,may e    
,hair ( y\r head be z a %9+ ,c&le to    
light y to glory4  ,long ,life to our   
,fri5ds3 ,may ! *ick5 nev] be hat*$ t w 
scrat* on _! graves4  ,confusion to !   
,e>ly ,bird3 ,may x & ! worm bo? be     
pick$ up4  ,! ,nimble ,p5ny3 ,may x soon
 gr[ into a dime & !n swell into a      
doll>4  ,to a ,sov]eign3 n ! k9d t sits 
on a ?rone1 b ! "o t lies 9 our pocket4 
,our ,l&3 ,may we live happy 9 x & nev] 
be s5t out ( x = our c\ntry's good4     
,?ree ,great ,comm&]s3 ,may we always be
 "u ! ord]s ( ,g5]al ,peace1 ,g5]al     
,pl5ty1 & ,g5]al ,prosp]ity4  ,! ,?ree  
,be/ ,doctors3 ,may ,doctor ,quiet1     

,doctor ,diet1 & ,doctor ,good          
,consci5ce ev] keep u well4  ,! ,heal? (
 t wise & good ,man :o kept a ,dog & yet
 did 8 own b>k+6  ,"h's to ! heal? (    
----3 ,! old bird t 0 n caught ) *aff4  
,! ,heal? ( ^? we ,love ! beet2 ,our    
noble selves4     ,,miscellane\s        
,,addresses   ,e ye> new occasions arise
 t po9t to a new ord] ( celebrations4   
,until rec5tly !re 7 no c5t5nial        
celebrations4 ,once inaugurat$ ^!       
sugge/$ semi-c5t5nial & qu>t]-c5tury    
ones1 & z ! c\ntry advanc$ 9 ye>s !re   
came ! bi-c5t5nial & t]-c5t5nial4 ,& !  
att5tion ( ! civiliz$ globe 0 call$ to  
our f\r?-c5t5nial by ! unrivall$ &      
wond]ful display at ! ,_w's ,exhibition 
9 ,*icago4  ,9 ?is *apt] are giv5       
outl9es ( a miscellane\s "*1 "s orig9al 
& "s select$4  ,,outl9e ,,( ,,*auncey   
,m4 ,,depew',s ,,address ,,at ,,!       
,,c5t5nial ,,( ,,capture ,,( ,,&r  ,?is 
is a good model = ! semi-c5t5nial or    
c5t5nial ( any not$ ev5t4  ,be+ 9 ! op5 
air ! speak] ref]r$ to ! gr& sc5]y1     

almo/ ! same z "o hundr$ ye>s be=e4     
,effect on ! nation's he>t ( su*        
,revolution>y commemorations4  ,small   
ev5ts influ5ce ! curr5ts ( hi/ory4      
,!rmopyl & its #cjj2 ! ?ree pla9 f>m]s  
:o pres]v$ ,am]ican lib]ty4  ,! orator  
!n sket*$ compactly b vividly ! critical
 situation ( #aghj1 & tells at l5g? !   
/ory ( ,arnold's treason1 its fru/ration
 by ! capture ( ,&r & 8 pa!tic fate4    
,?is "o romance ( ! ,revolution is a    
?rill+ tale1 & all adornm5t is giv5 to  
x4 ,! acc\nt ( ! /ruggle to save ,&r's  
life gives ! int]e/ ( controv]sy1 z does
 ! def5se ( ,wa%+ton's c\rse4 ,!        
anecdote & ! illu/rative p>allel are bo?
 suppli$ by ! case ( ,capta9 ,na?an     
,hale1 execut$ by ! ,engli% z an        
,am]ican spy4 ,! address closes ) a     
fitt+ tribute to ,&r's ?ree captors1 ^: 
mode/ monum5t m>k$ ! spot1 & a v        
effective quotation ( ,william (        
,orange's h]oic oa? at 8 coronation1 ,i 
w ma9ta94   ,,outl9e ,,( ,,spee* ,,by   
,,gov]nor ,,=ak] ,,at ,,! ,,d$ication   

,,( ,,ohio',s ,,monum5t ,,to ,,! ,,&rews
 ,,raid]s1 ,,at ,,*attanooga  ,:y ?is   
monum5t & ?is d$ication4 ,! /ory ( !    
raid1 ! suff]+ ( ! raid]s1 & h]oism ( ^?
 :o di$4  ,! controv]sial "p cov]$ two  
po9ts--! milit>y value ( ! raid1 & !    
mann] 9 :i* ! raid]s _h be5 treat$ by ! 
enemy :ile prison]s4  ,! illu/rative    
sett+ 0 ! hi/oric backgr\nd (           
,*attanooga & ! contra/s ( w> & peace4  
,,outl9e ,,( ,,address ,,by ,,*auncey   
,m4 ,,depew ,,at ,,d9n] ,,on ,,! #gj,,? 
,,bir?day ,,( ,,john ,,jay  ,n on !     
programme--pleasantry ) ,mr4 ,*oate     
7,presid5t7 ab\t 8 railroad fees4 ,mr4  
,*oate wants x made ! rule = all        
ex-presid5ts ( ! club to h a d9n] on _! 
#gj? bir?day4 ,?is w help !m to live at 
lea/ t long1 z ,glad/one & ,bism>ck1 :5 
!y _h an object1 h liv$ on 9 spite ( !  
doctors6  ,depew1 a native ( ! same     
c\nty z ?ree g5]ations ( ,jays4 ,s]vices
 ( ! ,revolution>y ,jay4  ,!            
,anecdote4--,g5]al ,%]man ye/]day told a
 beautiful "y girl--,g5]als always      

int]e/$ 9 beautiful "y girls--t he w\ld 
be will+ to ?r[ away all he 0 do+ or _h 
done to />t at h] "t ( life aga94 ,b !  
nation c\ld n p]mit t1 nor c\ld x 9 !   
case ( ,john ,jay--clos+ words ( tribute
 & e/eem to ! gue/ ( ! ev5+4   ,,outl9e 
,,( ,,address ,,by ,,*auncey ,m4 ,,depew
 ,,at ,,! ,,reception ,,to ,,h5ry ,m4   
,,/anley ,,by ,,! ,,lotus ,,club  ,!    
speak] je/s ab\t 8 own locks :it5$ by ! 
c>es ( railroad+1 & ! rav5 hair ( !     
report]s--:]e d !y get _! dye8          
,/anley's lecture fee1 #bej4--,lotus    
,club gets "o = only ! price ( a d9n]6  
,/anley a great arti/ 9 8 descriptions z
 well z a great travel]4  ,am]icans a   
nation ( travel]s4--,?is makes railroads
 prosp]\s6 ,:at "s report]s h done4  ,! 
motive makes h]oism4--,liv+/one !       
mission>y--8 rescue by ,/anley4  ,!     
civiliz$ ,africa ( ! future ) ,/anley = 
its ,columbus4   ,,spee*es ,,at ,a      
,,d9n] ,,giv5 ,,to ,,! ,,religi\s       
,,press  ,toa/4--,! ,religi\s ,press &  
,lit]ature4  ,fir/1 :at are s\nd views (

 lit]ature2 second1 :at is a religi\s   
pap]8 ,! speak] us$ two illu/rations    
b\nd 9 "o4 ,a great book is ! ,nilomet] 
:i* measures intellectual life z !      
orig9al ,nilomet] measur$ ! life &      
f]tility ( ! l& ( ,egypt4 ,a description
 ( ! rise ( ! ,nile & ( ! ,div9e ,com$y 
( ,dante1 z su* a measur] ( ! life ( !  
,middle ,ages1 made up ! spee*4         
,toa/4--,religi\s ,press & ,que/ions ( !
 ,day4  ,et]nity beg9s "h4 ,! pap] mu/  
%[ on :i* side ( any "q ! "r lies4 ,x   
%\ld g ev5 fur!r ?an ?is4 ,x %\ld cov] a
 wid] range ( topics & aim to secure !  
att5tion ( ! g5]al public to ! que/ions 
x discusses & s entitle x to circulate m
 widely4  ,toa/4--,%\ld ,religi\s ,pap]s
 ,make ,money8  ,if ,i may make ! pay+  
pap]s1 anybody may make ! o!rs4 ,money  
los+--soon comes1 hic jacet4 ,money mak+
 proves usefulness & r5d]s ! issue ( a  
pap] possible4 ,lett] f ! olde/ editor (
 ,new ,york 9 :i* he says ! editor is "u
 life s5t5ce to h>d labor4  ,toa/4--,!  
,religi\s ,pap] & ,s*ol>%ip4  ,he lam5ts

 t he has no lett] f an editor to read  
7l ! la/ speak]71 & tells a /ory ( a    
,me?odi/1 on reque/1 pray+ = ra92 & :5 a
 t]rible /orm came1 ! man :o ask$1 0    
he>d to murmur3 ,h[ ^! ,me?odi/s d      
exagg]ate4 ,?is 0 to %[ ! excell5ce ( ! 
d9n]4 ,two o!r /ories 7 us$ by ! speak]1
 ab\t ! l5g? & discursiv5ess ( 8 talk4  
,! p ne$ & w read deep1 accurate1 &     
s*ol>ly productions4 ,!re ought to be a 
g5]al pap] = su*4 ,some?+ has be5 done 9
 t direction by two religi\s pap]s4  ,! 
speak] treat$ 8 topic by giv+ a         
semi-humor\s review ( ! prec$+ spee*es4 
,he %[$ h[ d5om9ational traits affect$  
ea* item 9 ! "w ( ! pap]4 ,he did n make
 j ! k9d ( a pap] he lik$ be/1 = "s p 7 
( ! same ta/e z ,artemus ,w>d1 :o always
 ord]$ ha% at a re/aurant1 because he !n
 knew :at he 0 gett+6 ,! speak] also    
ref]r$ ironically to ! mi/ak5 idea t    
*ur* pap]s c\ld n pay1 & gave /rik+     
in/ances to ! contr>y4 ,he conclud$ t   
d5om9ational pap]s may be z successful 9
 _! l9e z ^? purely und5om9ational &    

indep5d5t4   ,,response ,,to ,,! ,,toa/1
 ,,! ,,navy3 ,,our ,,c\ntry',s ,,be/    
,,wall ,,( ,,def5se  #a4 ,! disa/]s :i* 
diff]5t ports ( our c\ntry h exp]i5c$ f 
invad+ =ces dur+ ?ree great w>s4 ,no foe
 n[ on ?is cont95t :i* we ne$ fe>--our  
enemies1 if any1 w come by sea4  #b4 ,! 
def5se by =tifi$ h>bors _c be reli$ on1 
= :5 "o place is def5d$ ano!r may be    
attack$1 & ! coa/-l9e is s great t an   
ungu>d$ spot may be f\nd4 ,b our glori\s
 navy w seek ! foe at any & e po9t4  #c4
 ,pa/ glory ( ! ,navy4 ,paul ,jones 9 ! 
,revolution>y ,w> s+e+ ,john ,bull's    
be>d at 8 own fireside4 #ahab4 ,! %ips (
 iron t kept ! ,conf$]ate ,/ates        
engirdl$ & =bade outside m$dl+ ) dome/ic
 tr\bles4  #d4 ,! ,navy1 by %[+ ! _w t  
we are impregnable1 %\ld be ! be/       
promot] ( a solid peace4   ,,response   
,,to ,,! ,,toa/1 ,,g5]al ,,jackson3 ,a  
,,diamond ,,9 ,,! ,,r\gh1 ,,b ,a        
,,diamond  #a4 ,! h]o ( ,new ,orleans1  
?\gh r\gh1 0 a /rong & great man4       
,/ories ab\t him always popul>4 ,8      

indors+ ,/ate pap]s ,o4,k4 :5 he approv$
 !m1 & say+ t ^! lett]s meant oll       
korrect4 ,! victor & ! spoils4  #b4 ,8  
connection ) great que/ions1 su* z !    
curr5cy & nullification4 ,popul>ity ) 8 
own p>ty4  #c4 ,prov$ to be a great     
comm&] by ! mann] 9 :i* he us$ 8 v sl5d]
 res\rces at ! battle ( ,new ,orleans--!
 backwoods riflem5 & ! brea/works (     
cotton4   ,,response ,,to ,,! ,,toa/1   
,,! ,,work+ ,,man3 ,,may ,,he ,,love ,,8
 ,,"w ,,& ,,h ,,pl5ty ,,( ,,x1 ,,)      
,,good ,,wages ,,promptly ,,paid  #a4 ,=
 a heal?y man a reasonable am\nt ( "w is
 no mis=tune1 b a bless+4 ,idl5ess is a 
curse1 & leads to all k9ds ( evil4 7,see
 /ory 9 ,anecdote ,no4 #ba at end ( ?is 
volume--( ! tramp :o e>n$ sev5ty-five   
c5ts & quit "w because he fe>$ t he c\ld
 n be> ! curse ( ri*es6 ,n _m ( u h ?is 
k9d ( fe>47  #b4 ,toil ) p5 & bra9 z    
real1 & may be z exhau/+ z ) ! h& &     
foot4  #c4 ,b to defraud a workman ( "o 
c5t ( 8 e>n+s is a peculi>ly atroci\s   
crime4 ,h[ ?is may be done indirectly4  

,all p]sons :o believe 9 ?is toa/ %\ld  
deal ju/ly & fairly1 & try to hold o!rs 
to ! same rule4  #d4 ,! true workman    
wants "w & fair play2 n patronage &     
flatt]y1 b sympa?y & fri5d%ip4   ,a     
,,nom9at+ ,,spee*  ,! great conv5tions t
 nom9ate c&idates = ! ,presid5cy ( !    
,unit$ ,/ates furni% examples on ! l>ge/
 scale ( ! nom9at+ spee*4 ,b (fic]s (   
societies ( almo/ any "* may be nom9at$ 
9 addresses t are v simil>4 ,! foll[+   
outl9e ( a spee* ( g5]al "* may be      
easily modifi$ to suit any case 9 :i*   
su* help is desir$4  ,mr4 ,*airman3 ,x  
gives me great pleasure to place be=e y1
 ! "n ( a c&idate :o is s well qualifi$ 
& s fully des]v+ ( ?is honor1 & ( e o!r1
 t may be conf]r$ ^u him1 z ----4 ,9    
giv+ him y\r votes1 y c make no mi/ake4 
,"h /ate previ\s (fices held1 or tru/s  
fill$1 or o!r evid5ces ( fitness = ! po/
 9 view4 ,9 addition1 ,i am happy to    
/ate t he repres5ts "h "n locality1     
section1 class1 or op9ion1 be+ c>eful to
 adduce only ^? :i* w be pleas+ to !    

p]sons ^: votes are s\ght4 ,on 8 behalf1
 ,i c promise fai?ful s]vice1 & ! prompt
 dis*>ge ( e duty4 ,o!rs may h z mu*    
zeal = ! cause3 "s may h z long a tra9+ 
= ! duties ( ?is (fice2 a few may       
possibly h z legitimate a claim ^u any  
honors or rew>ds 9 y\r gift1 b :]e else 
c y f9d su* a comb9ation ( claims8  ,!  
illu/rative anecdote w naturally be ( ! 
c&idate himself1 ( 8 popul>ity1         
availability1 or o!r good quality1 or ( 
"s p]son or elem5t /rongly support+ him4
   ,,spee* ,,accept+ ,a ,,nom9ation  #a4
 ,an honor ( :i* any man mu/ be deeply  
s5sible z well z pr\d4 ,! importance or 
high "* ( ! body mak+ ! nom9ation4  #b4 
,! degree ( surprise felt t ! c&idate   
%\ld be pref]r$ to s _m wor?y           
competitors4 ,w by ! honor is especially
 priz$1 & ! reasons1 if any2 :y !       
c&idate w\ld h pref]r$ a diff]5t        
selection4  #c4 ,! motives :i* make him 
will+ to be> ! burd5s entail$ by ?is    
nom9ation4  #d4 ,! hope ( be+ able to   
support 8 competitors = o!r (fices1 or  

o!r t]ms ( ?is (fice4  #e4 ,) all 8 s5se
 ( unwor?9ess1 ! c&idate d>es n set up 8
 judgm5t aga9/ t ( ! honorable body :i* 
has nam$ him1 = ! (fice ( ----1 & he    
!re=e b[s to _! decision & gratefully   
accepts ! unexpect$8 honor conf]r$ ^u   
him4 ,%\ld ! p--n = 8 sake1 b = ! sake (
 ! cause repres5t$--h ! intellig5ce &   
good judgm5t ( :i* !re is n a %ad[ (    
d\bt8 to indorse ! nom9ation1 he w ex]t 
all ! p[] he possesses1 to fai?fully    
fill ! position _! *oice has be/[$ ^u   
him4   ,,spee* ,,9 ,a ,,political       
,,canvass  ,no =m ( spee* is s easy z a 
political address 9 a hot campaign4 ,! p
 "k en\gh ( ! g5]al argum5t 9 advance1  
to appreciate a /rong /atem5t ( x1 or ! 
addition ( new items4 ,!y already h mu* 
( t int]e/ 9 ! !me t o!r classes (      
speak]s mu/ fir/ seek to ar\se4 ,! tyro 
makes 8 feeble beg9n+s 9 ! sp>sely      
settl$ portions ( ! c\ntry1 b ! poli%$  
orator is welcom$ by l>ge audi5ces at ! 
c5tres ( population1 & w9s money1 fame1 
& possibly a high (fice4 ,am]icans h _m 

opportunities ( he>+ good spee*es ( ?is 
"*1 & n only become compet5t judges1 b  
le>n to emulate su* examples4  #a4 ,a   
bright /ory1 a p]sonal incid5t1 a local 
hit1 or1 be/ ( all1 a quick1 %rewd      
c>icature ( "s feature ( ! oppos+ p>ty1 
w ga9 att5tion & half w9 ! battle4 ,a   
speak] 0 once call$ ^u to make an       
address aft] a political oppon5t _h tak5
 8 seat4 ,?is man at "o "t /rongly      
indors$ a measure to :i* 8 own p>ty 0   
bitt]ly oppos$4 ,! measure 0 defeat$    
not)/&+ 8 opposition1 & he 0 oblig$ to  
sanction 8 p>ty's action4 ,! audi5ce be+
 famili> ) ?is1 ! speak] ref]r$ to x by 
say+3 ,oh6 he approves1 does he6 ,imag9e
 a kick$1 cuff$1 p\nd$1 & dragg$ across 
a road1 brac+ himself at e /ep1 b =c$   
ov] at la/ & ti$ to a po/2 !n imag9e t  
mule /raight5+ himself up & say+1 ',?ank
 ,heav51 we cross$ t road1 didn't we8'  
,x 0 difficult to move ! mule1 he 0     
ob/9ate1 b x made no diff]5ce4 ,my      
oppon5t 0 ob/9ate too1 b :at did x      
avail6  #b4 ,! criticism ( our oppon5ts'

 plat=m or pr9ciples4 ,_! fallacies1    
mi/akes1 & misrepres5tations4  #c4 ,_!  
hi/ory4 ,h[ !y h c>ri$ out all _! bad & 
dang]\s doctr9es1 b h slurr$ ov] & all[$
 to drop out ( sight _! promises ( good4
  #d4 ,! contra/4 ,pla9 /atem5t & !re is
 no?+ m effective 9 a spee* ?an a pla91 
de>1 & cond5s$ /atem5t ( ! oppos+       
issues4  #e4 ,! man4 ,! p]sonal elem5t 9
 a canvas ne>ly always ov]%ad[s         
political doctr9e1 except :5 a new p>ty 
or new measure is ris+ into prom95ce4   
,our m5 brilliant1 able1 safe4 ,our     
oppon5ts ! opposite4 ,public "* only    
%\ld be criticiz$4 ,gossip1 sc&al1 sl&] 
are abom9able1 & seldom well receiv$ by 
any audi5ce4 ,poison1 ! assass9's dagg]1
 & ! spread+ ( infam\s /ories d n belong
 to honorable w>f>e4   ,,spee* ,,aft] ,a
 ,,political ,,victory4 ,,select$  #a4  
,we are ma/]s ( ! field4 ,complet5ess ( 
victory told 9 milit>y language4  #b4   
,sympa?y = ! defeat$4 ,we w treat _!    
lead]s ) ,good ,sam>itan g5]osity1 b we 
invite ! rank & file to enli/ ) u1      

unless !y pref] to g home & pray = bett]
 luck next "t4  #c4 ,only by jo9+ u c !y
 get a nibble at ! spoils4 ,probably !y 
w1 = _m ( !m are m5 ( sev5              
pr9ciples--five loaves & two fi%es4 ,!  
cohesive p[] ( public plund]4  #d4 ,we  
mu/ n be c>eless aft] victory1 b        
reorganize1 be vigilant1 keep our p[d]  
dry4 ,! outs are hungry1 & an enemy w   
fight t]ribly = rations4 ,brag is a good
 dog1 b ,holdfa/ is a bett]4  #e4 ,n[   
let u all rejoice ov] ! defeat ( a p>ty 
_m ( ^: memb]s we respect p]sonally1 b  
:i*1 z a :ole1 we reg>d z an imm5se     
nuisance4   ,,spee* ,,aft] ,a           
,,political ,,defeat4 ,,select$  ,my    
,political ,bre?r53 ,y seem to be 9 !   
dumps6 ,don't l ! figures2 wi% !y 7 a   
cunn+ly devis$ fable4 ,h[ did x happ58  
,big vote & intol]able *eat+ cook$ our  
goose4 ,b we are india-rubb] & /eel     
spr+s1 & no am\nt ( h>d usage c take !  
fight out ( u4  ,let our oppon5ts laugh6
 ,we are n savage--w\ld n hurt a hair ( 
_! heads p]sonally1 b politically w sk9 

!m alive next "t4 ,b we pref] to conv]t 
!m1 & hope !y w he> our speak]s z (t5 z 
possible be=e ! next election4   ,a     
,,*airman',s ,,or ,,presid5t',s ,,spee* 
,at a public meet+ "s "o int]e/$ 9 !    
object = :i* x has conv5$ calls !       
assembly to ord]4 ,aft] secur+ att5tion 
he proposes ! "n ( "s p]son z *airman or
 presid5t4 ,:5 ! nom9ation is second$ he
 takes ! vote & ann\nces ! election4 ,x 
w !n be 9 ord] = ! p]son *os5 to take a 
position fac+ ! assembly & to make a    
brief spee*4  ,ladies & ,g5tlem53 ,i h  
no wi% to disp>age y\r judgm5t1 al?\gh  
,i ?9k x might h be5 ex]cis$ to bett]   
advantage by elect+ "s ( ! able p]sons  
,i see be=e me4 ,b ,i ?ank y = ?is      
honor1 :i* ,i appreciate ! m highly &   
accept ! m readily because ( say deep   
int]e/ 9 ! "q ( ----1 :i* is n[ be=e u4 
,fir/1 h[ev]1 please nom9ate a secret>y4
  ,:51 h[ev]1 ! presid5t or *airman     
elect$ is himself a prime mov] 9 !      
bus9ess = :i* ! meet+ is call$1 x w be  
p]fectly prop] = him to ext5d 8 spee*1  

^u accept+ ! *air1 by /at+ cle>ly b     
briefly ! object ( ! meet+2 or1 if he   
pref]s1 he may ask "s "o 9 ^: p[]s (    
plausible & p]suasive /atem5t he has    
confid5ce to d ?is 9 8 place4 ,=mal     
argum5t is n advisable 9 ! op5+ spee*2 b
 ! be/ argum5t consi/s 9 giv+ a compact 
/atem5t & ample in=mation4 ,9 ?is way ! 
cause may be half won by ! *airman's    
spee* or ! spee* ( 8 proxy4   ,a ,,g5]al
 ,,outl9e ,,foe ,,all ,,occasions  ,!   
,introduction4 ,! speak]'s mode/y or    
inability1 ! lat5ess ( ! h\r1 ! m]it (  
prec$+ spee*es1 ! lit]>y treats t are to
 foll[1 ! "* ( ! d9n]1 p]sonal allusion 
to ! presid5t or to ! audi5ce--b n all (
 ^! 9 "o address4  ,! ,discussion4 ,"h  
ref] to ! toa/ or !me--be sure to put 9 
a humor\s anecdote4 ,make x z           
appropriate z possible1 b don't fail to 
br+ x 94 ,get up a %ort controv]sy3 set 
up a man ( /raw if y c f9d nobody else1 
& !n make an onslaught ^u him2 b be sure
 he has no fri5ds 9 ! audi5ce6          
,conclusion4 ,a graceful complim5t to "s

 "o1 a ref]5ce to an expect$ speak]1 or 
a ^w indicat+ ! "p ( y\r subject ( :i* y
 w n treat1 or give a v quick summ>y (  
:at y h already said4     ,,illu/rative 
,,& ,,humor\s ,,anecdotes   ,) a numb] (
 ! foll[+ anecdotes a few sugge/ions are
 giv5 z to ! mann] 9 :i* !y may be us$4 
,! habit ( ?9k+ h[ a good /ory may be   
br\ght into an address %\ld be =m$1 aft]
 :i* ^! h9ts w be sup]flu\s4 ,at !      
outset !y may help to =m ! habit4   #a4 
,,indep5d5ce ,,( ,a ,,monopoly  ,a good 
illu/ration ( complete indep5d5ce4 ,x c 
be us$ z a humor\s description ( a      
monopoly or z a complim5t to a man :o   
has complete control ( 8 own affairs4   
,an inquisitive pass5g] on a railroad   
rec5tly _h ! foll[+ dialogue3  ,d y use 
! block sy/em on ?is road8 inquir$ !    
pass5g]4  ,no1 sir1 repli$ ! conductor1 
we h no use = x4  ,d y use ! electric or
 pneumatic signals8  ,no1 sir4  ,h y a  
d\ble track8  ,no4  ,well1 ( c\rse1 y h 
a tra9 dispat*]1 & run all tra9s by     
telegraph8  ,no4  ,i see y h no         

brakeman4 ,h[ d y flag ! re> ( y\r tra9 
if y are /opp$ f any cause betwe5       
/ations8'  ,we don't flag4  ,inde$6 ,:at
 a way to run a railroad6 ,a man takes 8
 life 9 8 h& :5 he rides on x4 ,?is is  
crim9ally reckless6  ,see "h1 mi/]6 ,if 
y don't l ?is railroad y c get (f &     
walk4 ,i am presid5t ( ?is road & its   
sole own]4 ,i am also bo>d ( directors1 
treasur]1 secret>y1 g5]al manag]1       
sup]9t5d5t1 payma/]1 trackma/]1 g5]al   
pass5g] ag5t1 g5]al freight ag5t1 ma/]  
me*anic1 ticket ag5t1 conductor1        
brakeman1 & boss4 ,?is is ! ,great      
,we/]n ,railroad ( ,k5tucky1 six miles  
long1 ) t]m9i at ,h>rodsburg &          
,h>rodsburg ,junction4 ,?is is ! only   
tra9 on ! road ( any k9d1 & ahead ( u is
 ! only eng9e4 ,we nev] h collisions4 ,!
 eng9e] does 8 own fir+1 & runs ! repair
 %op & r\nd-h\se all by himself4 ,he &  
,i run ?is railway4 ,x keeps u pretty   
busy1 b we've always got "t to /op &    
eject a sassy pass5g]4 ,s y want to     
behave y\rself & g ?r\gh ) u1 or y w h  

y\r baggage set (f "h by ! hay/ack6     
#b4 ,,explanation  ,to ridicule         
extravagant explanations t d n          
expla9--or unreasonable pret5sions to   
antiquity4   ,an old ,scot* lady1 :o _h 
no reli% = mod]n *ur* music1 0 express+ 
h] dislike to ! s++ ( an an!m 9 h] own  
*ur* "o day1 :5 a neighbor said3 ,:y1 t 
is a v old an!m6 ,david sang t an!m to  
,saul4 ,to ?is ! old lady repli$3 ,weel1
 weel6 ,i noo = ! fir/ "t und]/an' :y   
,saul ?rew 8 javel9 at ,david :5 ! lad  
sang = him4   #c4 ,,rid+ ,a ,,hobby  ,to
 illu/rate hobby-rid+--v appropriate :]e
 _m toa/s & spee*es run 9 "o l9e4  ,a   
boy 9 ,buffalo1 ,n4 ,y41 :o 0 ask$ to   
write out :at he consid]$ an ideal      
holiday d9n] mnu1 evolv$ ! foll[+3      
,fur/ ,corse4   ,m9ce pie4   ,second    
,corse4   ,pumpk9 pie & turkey4   ,?ird 
,corse4   ,lemon pie1 turkey1 &         
cranb]ries   ,f\r? ,corse4   ,cu/>d pie1
 apple pie1 *ocolate cake & plum pudd+4 
,dess]t4   ,pie4   #d4 ,,hobson',s      
,,*oice  ,suitable c>icature = any "o :o

 tries to make m]it ( do+ :at he _c     
help4  ,if my employ] does n retract :at
 he said to me ?is morn+ ,i %all leave 8
 /ore4 ,:y1 :at did he say8 ,he told me 
to look = ano!r place4   #e4 ,,:5 ,,to  
,,be ,,sil5t  ,a sil5t gue/ might tell  
?is to %[ t he _h f\nd a way to be (    
greate/ s]vice at a banquet4  ,mrs4     
,p5field--,my husb& has f\nd a way by   
:i* he says ,i am ( ! greate/ help to   
him 9 8 lit]>y "w4  ,mrs4 ,hillaire--,h[
 nice t mu/ be = y1 my de>6 ,b h[ are y 
able to d x8  ,mrs4 ,p5field--,z soon z 
,i see him at 8 desk ,i g into ano!r    
room & keep p]fectly quiet until he has 
f9i%$4   #f4 ,,pay+ ,,= ,,y\r ,,:i/le   
,w\ld be a good answ] to "o :o gave a   
complim5t1 & tri$ 9 t way to %ove (f a  
spee* or o!r duty ^u ! "o complim5t$4   
,mc,swatters--,x's v funny4  ,mrs4      
,mc,swatters--,:at is8                  
,mc,swatters--,:y1 :5 ! doctor treats me
 ,i always h to pay = x4   #g4          
,,goose-,,*ase  ,w\ld come 9 well aft]  
sev]al _h decl9$ to speak1 ! goose be+ !

 "o :o f9ally cons5ts & tells ! /ory4   
,a lady _h be5 look+ = a fri5d = a long 
"t )\t success4 ,f9ally1 %e came ^u h] 9
 an unexpect$ way4 ,well1 %e exclaim$1  
,i've be5 on a p]fect wild-goose *ase   
all day long1 b1 ?ank goodness1 ,i've   
f\nd y at la/4   #h4 ,,! ,,p]plex$      
,,sage  ,to %[ t ! *airman may safely   
confide 9 8 own p[] to manage su* poor  
mat]ial z ! p]son :o tells ! /ory       
assumes himself to be4  ,& n[ :at is x8 
ask$ ! sage1 z ! "y man timidly         
approa*$4 ,pray1 tell me1 ask$ ! y\?1   
does a woman m>ry a man because ( h]    
confid5ce 9 ! man1 or because ( h]      
confid5ce 9 h] ability to manage him8 ,=
 once ! sage _h to take ! "q "u         
advisem5t4   #i4 ,,quick ,,?\ght  ,!    
foll[+ illu/rates ! advantages ( a happy
 retort1 ! importance ( a felicit\s     
phrase1 or ( quick ?\ght & ready spee*4 
,x might be said t ! prec$+ speak] 0 z  
ready z3  ,:5 ,napoleon 7!n a /ud5t at  
,bri5ne7 0 ask$ h[ he w\ld supply       
himself ) provisions 9 a closely-inve/$ 

t[n1 he answ]$1 )\t a mom5t's           
hesitation1 ,f ! enemy1 :i* s pleas$ !  
exam9]s t !y pass$ him )\t fur!r        
que/ions4   #aj4 ,! ,russian ,g5]al     
,suv>(f is said to h promot$ "o ( 8     
s]geants = giv+ sub/antially ! same     
answ]4  ,! ,emp]or ,paul1 ( ,russia1 0 s
 provok$ by ! awkw>dness ( an (fic] on  
review t he ord]$ him to resign at once 
& retire to 8 e/ate4 ,b he has no e/ate1
 ! comm&] v5tur$4 ,!n give him "o6      
?und]$ ! despot1 ^: ^w 0 law1 & ! man   
ga9$ m by 8 blund]s ?an he c\ld h done  
by ye>s ( ! mo/ skillful s]vice4  #aa4  
,! ang] ( an actor took ! same turn z t 
( ! ,cz>4  ,colley ,cibb] once miss$ 8  
cue1 & ! confusion t foll[$ spoil$ ! be/
 passage ( ,bett]ton1 :o 0 manag] z well
 z actor4 ,he ru%$ beh9d ! sc5es 9 a    
t[]+ passion1 & exclaim$1 ,=feit1 ,ma/] 
,colley2 y %all be f9$ = su* /upidity6  
,x c't be done1 said a fell[-actor1 = he
 gets no sal>y4 ,put him d[n = t5 %ill+s
 a week & f9e him five6 cri$ ! furi\s   
manag]4   #ab4 ,,insignificant ,,?+s  ,!

 ne$ ( accuracy1 or h[ insignificant ?+s
 sometimes *ange ! mean+1 is %[n by !   
foll[+4  ,a m]*ant ( ,london wrote 8    
,ea/ ,india factor to s5d him #b or #c  
apes2 b he =got to write ! r 9 or1 & !  
factor wrote t he _h s5t #hj1 & w\ld s5d
 ! rema9d] ( ! #b #j #c z soon z !y c\ld
 be ga!r$ 94   #ac4 ,a v well-kn[n writ]
 _h a simil> exp]i5ce4 ,he 0 sell+      
copies ( 8 fir/ lit]>y v5ture1 &        
telegraph$ to ! publi%] to s5d him ?ree 
hundr$ books at once4 ,he answ]$4 ,%all 
,i s5d !m on an emigrant tra91 or mu/ !y
 g fir/-class8 ,_h to sc\r ! city ov] to
 get !m4 ,y mu/ be go+ into ! hotel     
bus9ess on a great scale to ne$ s _m    
,cooks4 ,i 0 bewild]$2 b all 0 expla9$  
:5 a copy ( ! dispat* %[$ t ! telegraph 
cl]k _h mi/ak5 ! small b = a capital ,c4
   #ad4 ,,mak+ ,,an ,,excuse2 ,,or1     
,,johnny ,,peep  ,a gue/ plead+ to be   
excus$ f a spee* or a song might say t  
he want$ to be acc\nt$ z ,johnny ,peep 9
 ! foll[+ /ory :i* ,allan ,cunn+ham     
tells ( ,rob]t ,burns4  ,/roll+ "o day 9

 ,cumb]l& ! poet lo/ 8 fri5ds1 & ?9k+ to
 f9d !m at a c]ta9 tav]n he popp$ 8 head
 9 at ! door4 ,see+ no "o !re b ?ree    
/rang]s1 he apologiz$1 & 0 ab\t to      
retire1 :5 "o ( ! /rang]s call$ out1    
,come 91 ,johnny ,peep4 ,?is invitation 
! convivial poet readily accept$1 & sp5t
 a v pleasant "t ) 8 newly-f\nd         
companions4 ,z ! conv]sation began to   
flag1 x 0 propos$ t ea* %\ld write a    
v]se1 & place x1 toge!r ) two-&-six     
p5ce1 "u ! c&le/ick1 ! be/ poet to take 
! half-cr[ns1 :ile ! unsuccessful rhym]s
 7 to settle ! bill among !m4 ,accord+  
to ,cunn+ham1 ,burns obta9$ ! /akes by  
writ+3    ,"h am ,i1 ,johnny ,peep2     
,i saw ?ree %eep1   ,& ^! ?ree %eep saw 
me4     ,half-a-cr[n apiece     ,w pay =
 _! fleece1   ,& s ,johnny ,peep goes   
free4   #ae4 ,,/]n ,,logic  ,probably   
?is boy w\ld h se5 ! necessity ( avoid+ 
su* ri* banquets z ?is4  ,say1 ma1 d !y 
play base-ball 9 heav58  ,:y1 no1 my    
de>2 ( c\rse n4 ,:y d y ask8  ,huh6     
,well1 y don't cat* me be+ good & dy+ "y

 !n2 t's all4   #af4 ,,mi/ak5 ,,brevity 
,brevity is ! s\l ( wit2 & calculation &
 economy are v comm5dable2 b !y may be  
c>ri$ to extremes4 ,?is may be us$ :5 ! 
la/ speak] has clos$ a little abruptly4 
,?is is ! message ! telegraph mess5g]   
h&$ a "y man f 8 betro!d ,come d[n z    
soon z y c2 ,i am dy+4 ,kate4  ,eight   
h\rs lat] he arriv$ at ! summ] hotel1 to
 be met on ! piazza by ,kate h]self4    
,:y1 :at did y mean by s5d+ me su* a    
message8 he ask$4  ,oh6 %e gurgl$1 ,i   
want$ to say t ,i 0 dy+ to see y1 b my  
t5 words ran out1 & ,i _h to /op4   #ag4
 ,,*>ity ,,beg9s ,,at ,,home  ,breslau1 
a celebrat$ juggl]1 be+ at ,cant]bury ) 
8 tr\pe1 met ) su* bad success t !y 7   
almo/ />v$4 ,he repair$ to ! *ur* w>d5s1
 & promis$ to give a night's tak+s to ! 
poor if ! p>i% w\ld pay = hir+ a room1  
etc4 ,! *>itable bait took1 ! b5efit    
prov$ a bump]1 & ! next morn+ ! *ur*    
w>d5s wait$ ^u ! wiz>d to t\* !         
receipts4 ,i h already dispos$ ( dem1   
said ,breslau2 de pr(its 7 = de poor4 ,i

 h kept my promise1 & giv5 de money to  
my own p1 :o are de poore/ 9 dis p>i%6  
,sir6 exclaim$ ! *ur* w>d5s1 ?is is a   
trick4  ,i "k x1 repli$ ! conjur]2 ,i   
live by my tricks4   #ah4 ,,*>ity2 ,,or1
 ,a ,,good ,,^w ,,= ,,e ,,"o--,,ev5 ,,! 
,,devil4  ,x is well to feel *>itably & 
k9dly at all times1 b especially at a   
d9n] p>ty4  ,a fri5d said to a ,scot*man
 :o 0 celebrat$ = possess+ ^! amiable   
qualities1 ,i believe y w\ld actually   
f9d some?+ to admire 9 ,satan himself4  
,! canny ,scot repli$1 ,ah6 weel1 weel1 
we mu/ a' admit1 t auld ,nick has great 
en]gy & p]sev]ance4  ,if ! *airman has  
be5 v p]si/5t 9 call+ out reluctant     
speak]s1 ! =ego+ w\ld be a good /ory to 
turn ! laugh ^u him4   #ai4 ,,+5i\s     
,,reason  ,! ,scot*man ref]r$ to 9 ! la/
 anecdote 0 z +5i\s 9 f9d+ a reason z ! 
boy m5tion$ 9 ! foll[+3  ,c y sugge/ any
 reason :y ,i %\ld pr9t y\r poem8 said !
 ov]be>+ editor4  ,! dismal y\? look$   
?\ghtful1 & !n repli$3  ,y "k ,i always 
inclose a /amp = ! return ( reject$     

manuscript8  ,yes4  ,well1 if y pr9t x y
 c keep ! /amp4   #bj4 ,,ambiguity ,,(  
,,words  ,! equivocal use ( words 9 our 
language4  ,rec5tly a we/-b\nd tra9 on !
 ,fit*burg 7,mass47 ,railroad _h j left 
! t[n ( ,a?ol ,:5 ! conductor notic$    
among ! new pass5g]s a "y man (         
intellig5t appe>ance4 ,he ask$ = ! "y   
man's f>e1 & ! latt] h&$ him a ticket to
 ,mill]'s ,falls & ) x a c5t4 ,= a mom5t
 ! conductor suspect$ a joke1 b a look  
at ! pass5g]'s face conv9c$ him to !    
contr>y4  ,:at is ?is c5t =8 ! conductor
 ask$4  ,:y1 ,i see1 answ]$ ! "y fell[1 
t ! ticket isn't good unless x is /amp$1
 & z ,i don't happ5 to h a /amp ) me ,i 
give y ! c5t in/ead4 ,y c put x on1 c't 
y8  ,! good-natur$ conductor h&$ back ! 
co9 ) a smile1 rem>k+ t x 0 a small     
matt]1 & he w\ld see t x 0 all "r4      
#ba4 ,,useless ,,regret  ,p]sons :o     
pret5d to regret some?+ )\t mak+ a real 
ef=t to bett] x are hit (f by ?is       
anecdote4  ,a fa!r call$ 8 son r late 9 
! morn+1 & f9d+ him /ill ab$1           

indignantly dem&$3 ,are y n a%am$ to be 
caught asleep ?is "t ( day8  ,yes1 r1   
return$ ! +5i\s y\?1 b ,i'd ru!r be     
a%am$ ?an git up4   #bb4 ,,no ,,happ9ess
 ,,9 ,,weal?  ,! great advantage ( be+  
fully adapt$ to "o's situation & cont5t$
 ) x4  ,!re are p :o _c hold _! heads "u
 ! influ5ce ( sudd5 ri*es4 ,!y          
imm$iately beg9 to deg5]ate4 ,!y h      
become s us$ to humble circum/ances t   
weal? is a curse4 ,"h is a case3  ,a    
tramp1 = "s my/]i\s reason1 _h accept$  
an (f] to "w ab\t ! place1 = :i* he 0 to
 receive 8 meals1 sundry old clo!s1 &   
#be c5ts a day 9 ca%4 ,= ! fir/ two or  
?ree days he did v well1 & he 0 paid #ej
 c5ts on acc\nt4 ,he did n sp5d ! money1
 b he began to gr[ li/less & sad1 & at !
 end ( ! week he int]view$ 8 employ]4   
,y've be5 v k9d to me1 sir1 he said1 &  
,i want to ?ank y = :at y h done4  ,t's 
all "r1 0 ! reply4 ,i'm glad to be able 
to help y4  ,i "k t1 sir1 & ,i          
appreciate x1 b ,i %all h to give x all 
up1 sir4  ,:at's t =8 ,don't ,i pay y   

en\gh8  ,oh6 yes1 sir2 t isn't x4 ,i h  
#ge c5ts left1 sir1 b ,i f9d t money    
doesn't br+ happ9ess1 sir1 & ,i guess   
,i'll resign & g back to ! old ways1    
sir4 ,weal? is a curse to "s p1 sir1 &  
,i fancy ,i belong to t class4          
,good-bye1 sir4 ,& he %ambl$ (f d[n !   
pa? & /ruck ! highway4   #bc4 ,,%ort ,,b
 ,,po9t$  ,spl5did = a speak] call$ up r
 late 9 ! ev5+--ev5 if he %\ld make a   
%ort spee* aft]w>d4  ,be+ nobody 9      
p>ticul>1 a ,mr4 ,bailey 0 plac$ la/ on 
! li/ ( ! speak]s4 ,! *airman introduc$ 
sev]al speak]s ^: names 7 n on ! li/1 & 
! audi5ce 7 tir$ out :5 he said1 ,mr4   
,bailey w n[ give y 8 address4  ,my     
address1 said ,mr4 ,bailey1 ris+1 is    
,no4 #de ,l\ghboro ,p>k1 ,brixton ,road1
 & ,i wi% y all good night4   #bd4      
,,reason+ ,,9 ,a ,,circle  ,?is is v    
common1 z 9 ! case ( ! h]o9e ( ?is /ory4
  ,! director ( a ,*icago bank tells h[ 
8 wife ov]drew h] acc\nt at ! bank "o   
day la/ mon?4 ,i spoke to h] ab\t x "o  
ev5+1 said he1 & told h] %e ought to    

adju/ x at once4 ,a day or two aft]w>d  
,i ask$ h] if %e _h done :at ,i sugge/$4
 ',oh6 yes1' %e answ]$4 ',i att5d$ to t 
matt] ! v next morn+ aft] y spoke ab\t  
x4 ,i s5t ! bank my *eck = ! am\nt ,i _h
 ov]drawn4'   #be4 ,,extreme ,,economy  
,economy is a great virtue1 b x %\ld n  
be extreme4  ,an old lady (             
,massa*usetts 0 fam$ 9 h] native t[n%ip 
= heal? & ?rift4 ,to an acqua9tance :o 0
 once congratulat+ h] ^u ! =m] %e said3 
,we be pretty well = old folks1 ,josiah 
& me4 ,josiah hasn't _h an ail9' "t =   
fifty ye>s1 'cept la/ w9t]4 ,& ,i a9't  
nev] suff]$ b "o day 9 my life1 & t 0 :5
 ,i took "s ( ! m$ic9e ,josiah _h left  
ov]1 s's h[ x %\ldn't be wa/$4   #bf4   
,,s5sible ,,to ,,! ,,la/  ,h[ we comm5d 
^? :o take our /&>ds & help u4  ,a /ory 
is told ( a late ,dubl9 doctor1 fam\s = 
8 skill & also 8 great love ( money4 ,he
 _h a con/ant & pr(itable pati5t 9 an   
old %opkeep] 9 ,dame ,/reet4 ,?is old   
lady 0 t]ribly rheumatic & unable to    
leave h] s(a4 ,dur+ ! doctor's visit %e 

kept a #a note 9 h] h&1 :i* duly w5t    
into ,dr4 ,c4's pocket4 ,"o morn+ he    
f\nd h] ly+ dead on ! s(a4 ,sigh+       
deeply1 ! doctor approa*$1 & tak+ h] h& 
9 81 he saw ! f+]s clos$ on 8 fee4 ,poor
 ?+1 he said z he pocket$ x1 s5sible to 
! la/4   #bg4 ,,fi%+ ,,= ,a ,,complim5t 
,fi%+ = complim5ts is sometimes dang]\s4
  ,a well-kn[n ,congressman1 :o 0 a f>m]
 be=e he w5t into politics1 0 do+ 8     
di/rict n long ago1 & 9 8 rambles he saw
 a man 9 a /umpy pat* ( gr\nd try+ to   
get a pl[ ?r\gh x4 ,he w5t ov] to him1 &
 aft] a brief salutation he ask$ !      
privilege ( mak+ a turn or two ) ! pl[4 
,! native %ook 8 head d\btfully z he    
look$ at 8 visitor's /ore clo!s & g5]al 
air ( g5tleman ( elegant leisure1 b he  
let him take ! pl[4 ,! ,congressman     
sail$ away ) x 9 f9e /yle1 & pl[$ f\r or
 five furr[s be=e ! own] ( ! field c\ld 
recov] 8 surprise4 ,!n he pull$ up & h&$
 ! h&les ov] to ! orig9al hold]4  ,by   
gravy1 mi/]1 said ! f>m]1 admir+ly1 air 
y 9 ! agg]cultural bus9ess8  ,no1 laugh$

 ! /atesman4  ,y'a9't sell+ pl[s8  ,no4 
,!n :at 9 ?und] air y8  ,i'm ! memb] (  
,congress f ?is di/rict4  ,air y ! man  
,i vot$ = & t ,i've be5 read+ ab\t 9 !  
pap]s do9' legislat9' & si* 9 ,wa%+ton8 
,yes4  ,well1 by hokey1 mi/]1 said !    
f>m]1 z he look$ ) admiration ov] !     
rec5tly-pl[$ furr[s1 ef ,i'd a _h any   
idea t ,i 0 vot9' f] a wa/e ( si* good  
f>m9' mat]ial ,i'd vot$ f] ! o!r c&idate
 z %ore z %oot9'4   #bh4 ,,beyond       
,,expression  ,:5 call$ on = a spee* "o 
may answ] ! *airman 9 ! words ( ?is     
lady3  ,%e 0 9 h] room :5 "s p came to  
call4 ,h] husb& receiv$ ! company1 &    
aft] a:ile said to 8 daught]1 :o 0 play+
 ab\t ! room3  ,g up-/airs & tell y\r   
mamma t ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,blank h come to   
call4  ,! *ild w5t1 & aft] a :ile       
return$ & began to play aga94  ,did y   
tell y\r mamma t ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,blank are
 "h8 ask$ ! fa!r4  ,oh6 yes4  ,& :at did
 %e say8  ,! little girl look$ up1 &    
aft] a mom5t's hesitation1 exclaim$3    
,%e said--well1 %e said1 ',o de>6'      

#bi4 ,,! ,,toa/ ,,( ,,! ,,ev5+  ,!      
comm5t ^u ?is incid5t by ! editor is n  
less amus+ ?an ! spee*4  ,x is n always 
a pleasant ?+ to be call$ ^u sudd5ly to 
address a public meet+ ( any sort1 z is 
amus+ly illu/rat$ by ! foll[+ spee* at !
 op5+ ( a free hospital by "o :o 0      
c]ta9ly n born an orator3               
,g5tlem5--ahem--,i--,i--,i rise to      
say--t is1 ,i wi% to propose a toa/1 :i*
 ,i ?9k y'll all say--ahem--,i ?9k1 at  
lea/1 t ?is toa/ is1 z y'll say1 ! toa/ 
( ! occasion4 ,g5tlem51 ,i belong to a  
good _m ( ^! ?+s1 & ,i say1 g5tlem51 t  
?is hospital requires no patronage--at  
lea/1 :at ,i mean is1 y don't want any  
recomm5dation4 ,y've only got to be     
ill--got to be ill4  ,n[1 g5tlem51 ,i   
f9d by ! report 7turn+ ov] ! leaves 9 a 
fidgety way7 t f ! ye> sev5te5--no      
eighte5--no1 ah1 yes1 ,i'm "r--eighte5  
hundr$ & fifty--no1 x's a               
'#c'--?irty-six--eighte5 hundr$ &       
?irty-six1 no less ?an "o hundr$ &      
n9ety-?ree millions--no6 ah6 7to a      

committeeman at 8 side7 ,eh8 oh1 yes1   
?ank y--yes--"o hundr$ & n9ety-?ree     
?\s&--two millions--no 7aft] a close    
scrut9y at ! report7 two hundr$ &       
?irty-"o--"o hundr$ & n9ety-?ree ?\s&1  
two hundr$ & ?irty-"o6 ,g5tlem51 ,i beg 
to propose--success to ?is admirable    
in/itution6  ,to :at ! l>ge & v>i\sly   
/at$ figures ref]r$ no "o 9 ! audi5ce   
ev] felt positive1 b all agre$1 z he _h 
said !y w\ld1 t ?is 0 ! toa/ ( ! ev5+4  
#cj4 ,,bee ,,l9e  ,he knew h[ to escape 
f m ?an "o k9d ( fire4  ,a soldi] on    
gu>d 9 ,s\? ,c>ol9a dur+ ! w> 0 que/ion$
 z to 8 k ( 8 duties4  ,y "k y\r duty   
"h1 d y1 s5t9el8  ,yes1 sir4  ,well1 n[1
 suppose !y %\ld op5 on y ) %ells &     
musketry1 :at w\ld y d8  ,=m a l9e1 sir4
  ,:at6 "o man =m a l9e8  ,yes1 sir2 =m 
a bee-l9e = camp1 sir4   #ca4           
,,v5triloquism  ,take ! good ! ,gods    
provide4  ,at ,raglan ,ca/le1 said ,mr4 
,gan?ony1 ! v5triloqui/1 ,i gave an     
ent]ta9m5t 9 ! op5 air1 & ?r[+ my voice 
up into ! ivy-cov]$ ru9s1 said3 ,:at are

 y do+ !re8  ,to my amazem5t a boy      
answ]$3 ,i climb$ up 'ere ?is morn9' j  
to see ! folk & 'e> ! music2 ,i won't d 
no h>m4  ,i repli$3 ,v well1 /ay !re1 & 
don't let any "o see y1 d y he>8  ,!    
reply came3 ,yes1 mu/]1 ,i 'e>4  ,?is   
got me ?und]s ( applause4 ,i made up my 
m9d to risk x1 s ,i b[$1 & ! boy nev]   
%[$ himself4   #cb4 ,a ,,slight ,,mi/ake
  ,ord]s %\ld be /rictly obey$4  ,a     
celebrat$ ,g]man physician1 accord+ to a
 ,london pap]1 0 once call$ ^u to treat 
an ari/ocratic lady1 ! sole cause ( ^:  
compla9t 0 high liv+ & lack ( ex]cise4  
,b x w\ld nev] h done to tell h] s4 ,s 8
 m$ical advice 03  ,arise at five o     
clock1 take a walk 9 ! p>k = "o h\r1 !n 
dr9k a cup ( tea1 !n walk ano!r h\r1 &  
take a cup ( *ocolate4 ,take breakfa/ at
 eight4  ,h] condition improv$ visibly1 
until "o f9e morn+ ! c>riage ( ! b>oness
 0 se5 to approa* ! physician's resid5ce
 at lightn+ spe$4 ,! pati5t da%$ up to !
 doctor's h\se1 & on 8 appe>+ on ! sc5e 
%e gasp$ out3  ,o doctor6 ,i took !     

*ocolate fir/6  ,!n drive home z fa/ z y
 c1 direct$ ! a/ute disciple (          
sculapius1 rapidly writ+ a prescription1
 & take ?is emetic4 ,! tea mu/ be       
und]nea?4  ,! grateful pati5t compli$4  
,%e is /ill improv+4   #cc4 ,,pres5ce   
,,( ,,m9d  ,a f9e /ory to illu/rate !   
value 7money value7 ( pres5ce ( m9d4  ,a
 witty p]son :om ,bism>ck 0 commission$ 
by ! ,emp]or to decorate ) ! ,iron      
,cross ( ! fir/ class1 discomfit$ !     
,*ancellor's attempt to *aff him4 ,i am 
au?oriz$1 said ,bism>ck1 to (f] y "o    
hundr$ ?al]s in/ead ( ! cross4 ,h[ mu*  
is ! cross wor?8 ask$ ! soldi]4 ,?ree   
?al]s4 ,v well1 !n1 y\r highness1 ,i'll 
take ! cross & n9ety-sev5 ?al]s4        
,bism>ck 0 s surpris$ & pleas$ by !     
ready %rewdness ( ! reply t he gave !   
man bo? ! cross & ! money4   #cd4 ,,joke
 ,,on ,a ,,dude  ,a good /ory = "o :o   
has "s p[] ( p]sonation1 = ! dudes get  
little sympa?y4  ,a cr[d$ c> ran d[n !  
o!r ev5+4 ,)9 0 a full-bl[n1 eye-glass$1
 drab-gait]$ dude1 app>5tly satisfi$ t  

he 0 jamm$ 9 among an admir+ community4 
,on ! re> plat=m a *e]y "y me*anic 0    
twitt+ ! conductor & occasionally mak+ a
 rem>k to a fre% pass5g]4 ,ev]ybody took
 x 9 good "p z a case ( in(f5sive high  
spirits1 all b ! dude1 :o ev9c$ a /rong 
disgu/4  ,:5 ! "y man call$ out to an   
old g5tleman1 ,sit out "h1 guv9or1 on ! 
back piazza1 or to ano!r1 ,don't cr[d   
!re2 /ay :]e ! breezes bl[1 ! dude look$
 dagg]s1 & at la/1 grabb+ ! conductor's 
elb[ & indicat+ ! "y man by a nod ( !   
head1 evid5tly ent]$ a prote/4 ,e "o saw
 x4 ,s did ! "y man1 & he ga!r$ 8 wits  
toge!r l a /reak to f9i% t dude4 ,he did
 x all ) an imp]turbable good humor &   
s]i\sness :i* w\ld c>ry conviction to ! 
mo/ d\bt+4  ,well1 ,i nev]6 he began1   
pok+ 8 head inside ! doorway ) an air ( 
comic surprise4 ,jes' to see y a-sitt+  
!re1 dress$ up l t4 ,cat* on to !m      
gait]s1 w y8 ,a9't y got ! n]ve to g up 
& d[n ,broadway fix$ up l t1 & y\r poor 
fa!r & "m work9' h>d at home8 ,a9't y   
'%am$ o' y\rself1 & y\r fa!r a hone/1   

h>d-work9' driv]1 & y\r "m a dec5t1     
respectable wa%woman8 ,y' a9't no good1 
or y w\ldn't h gev up y\r place1 & ,i   
?9k ,i'll g look aft] x myself & put a  
dec5t man 9 x4  ,he /epp$ (f ! c> z if  
b5t on do+ ?is at once1 & ! dude1 unable
 to resi/ ! ridicule ( ! situation or   
def5d ! attack1 ha/ily /epp$ (f aft]    
him4   #ce4 ,,newspap] ,,report]        
,equally good = a mission>y meet+ or a  
ga!r+ ( newspap] m54  ,a "y j\rnali/ 0  
reque/$ to write some?+ ab\t ! ,z5ana   
,mission4 ,he assur$ ! read]s ( ! pap] t
 among ! _m sc5es ( mission>y labor1    
none _h ( late attract$ m att5tion ?an !
 ,z5ana ,mission1 & assur$ly none 0 m   
des]v+ ( ?is att5tion4 ,comp>atively few
 ye>s _h pass$ s9ce ,z5ana _h be5 op5$  
up to ,briti% trade1 b already1 ow+ to !
 devotion ( a h&ful ( m5 & wom51 !      
nature ( ! inhabitants _h be5 almo/     
entirely *ang$4 ,! ,z5anese1 f be+ a    
savage p1 _h become1 9 a wond]fully %ort
 space ( "t1 practically civiliz$2 &    
rec5t travel]s to ,z5ana _h return$ ) ! 

mo/ gl[+ acc\nts ( ! cont9u$ progress ( 
! good "w 9 t c\ntry4 ,he !n bran*$ (f  
into ! labor]-wor?y-(-8-hire side ( ?is 
great "w1 & ! "q 0 aptly ask$ if !      
devot$ labor]s 9 t remote v9ey>d 7 n    
des]v+ ( support4 ,7 civilization &     
,*ri/ianity to be snat*$ f ! ,z5anese j 
:5 bo? 7 )9 _! grasp8 ,s on = ne>ly half
 a column ! writ] me&]$ 9 ! mo/ or?odox 
/yle1 j z he _h done scores ( times be=e
 :5 advocat+ c]ta9 missions4 ,"s "o :o  
f\nd him ! next day runn+ 8 f+] d[n !   
lett] ,z1 9 ! index to ! ,h&y ,atlas1 ) 
a puzzl$ look ^u 8 face1 knew he _h _h a
 lett] f ! editor4   #cf4 ,,h[ ,a       
,,woman ,,propos$  ,a v>iation ( ! old &
 always pleas+ !me4  ,!y 7 d9+ (f f[l 9 
a re/aurant4 ,y see1 he expla9$1 z he   
%[$ h] ! wi%bone1 y take hold "h4 ,!n we
 mu/ bo? make a wi% & pull1 & :5 x      
breaks ! "o :o has ! bigg] "p ( x w h 8 
or h] wi% grant$4 ,b ,i don't "k :at to 
wi% =1 %e prote/$4 ,oh6 y c ?9k (       
some?+1 he said4 ,no1 ,i c't1 %e repli$2
 ,i c't ?9k ( any?+ ,i want v mu*4      

,well1 ,i'll wi% = y1 he exclaim$4 ,w y1
 really8 %e ask$4 ,yes4 ,well1 !n1 !re's
 no use fool+ ) ! old wi%bone1 %e       
int]rupt$1 ) a glad smile1 y c h me4    
#cg4 ,,lucky ,,answ]  ,c]ta9ly ,?ompson 
w\ld be a lawy]1 ready = any em]g5cy4   
,9 times pa/ !re 0 9 a c]ta9 law s*ool  
an ag$ & ecc5tric pr(essor4 ,g5]al      
in=mation 0 ! old g5tleman's hobby4 ,he 
held x z incontrov]tible t if a "y lawy]
 possess$ a l>ge fund ( miscellane\s k1 
comb9$ ) an equal am\nt ( common s5se1  
he w\ld be successful 9 life4 ,s e ye> !
 pr(essor put on 8 exam9ation pap]s a "q
 v f> remov$ f ! subject ( crim9al law4 
,"o ye> x 01 ,h[ _m k9ds ( trees are !re
 9 ! college y>d8 ! next1 ,:at is !     
make-up ( ! pres5t ,engli% cab9et8      
,f9ally ! pr(essor ?\ght he _h inv5t$ ! 
be/ "q ( 8 life4 ,x 01 ,"n twelve       
animals t inhabit ! pol> regions4 ,!    
pr(essor *uckl$ z he wrote ?is d[n4 ,he 
0 sure he w\ld pluck half ! /ud5ts on t 
"q & x 0 beyond a d\bt t t opprobri\s "y
 loaf] ,?ompson w\ld fail4 ,b :5 !      

pr(essor read ! exam9ation pap]s1       
,?ompson1 :o _h n answ]$ ano!r "q1 0 !  
only man :o _h solv$ ! pol> problem4    
,?is 0 ,?ompson's answ]3 ,six seals &   
six pol> be>s4 ,?ompson got 8 degree )  
di/9ction4   #ch4 ,,d\ble ,,education   
,a "y doctor1 wi%+ to make a good       
impression ^u a ,g]man f>m]1 m5tion$ !  
fact t he _h receiv$ a d\ble education1 
z x 74 ,he _h /udi$ homoeopa?y1 & 0 also
 a graduate ( a regul> m$ical s*ool4    
,oh6 dot vas nod+1 said ! f>m]1 ,i _h   
vonce a calf vot suck$ two c[s1 & he    
made no?+ b a common s*te] aft] all4    
#ci4 ,,remnants  ,?is & ! prec$+ h a    
little spice ( ill-nature1 & :ile       
enjoyable mu/ be appli$ c>efully4       
,wife--,su* a dream z ,i _h la/ night1  
de>6  ,husb&--,may ,i he> ab\t x8       
,well1 yes2 ,i dream$ ,i 0 9 a great    
e/abli%m5t :]e !y sold husb&s4 ,!y 7    
beauties2 "s 9 glass cases & m>k$ at    
fe>ful prices1 & o!rs 7 sold at less    
figures4 ,girls 7 pay+ out =tunes1 &    
gett+ ! h&some/ m5 ,i ev] saw4 ,x 0     

wond]ful4  ,did y see any l me !re1 de>8
  ,yes2 j z ,i 0 leav+ ,i saw a :ole lot
 l y ly+ on ! remnant c\nt]4   #dj4     
,,indirect ,,& ,,direct  ,! foll[+      
in/ances %[ t x is necess>y to he$      
indirect z well z direct mean+s4  ,mr4  
,callon1 ,m4 ,p4 = ,l\?1 ,irel&1 a /an* 
oppon5t ( ! ,sunday ,clos+ & ,p]missive 
,bill & p]sonally a great b5efactor to !
 ,rev5ue1 reply+ to ! ,iri%             
,attorney-,g5]al1 said3 ,! facts reli$  
on by ! le>n$ g5tleman are v /range4    
,n[1 ,mr4 ,speak]1 ,i swall[ a good     
deal4 ',he>1 he>1' ',q true1' ',begorra1
 y c1' & ro>s ( laught]4 ,i repeat1 ,i c
 swall[ a great deal ',he>1 he>1' & fre%
 volleys ( laught]1 b ,i c't swall[ t4  
,a few nights be=e1 9 a debate :i* _h to
 d ) ! ,jews1 ,b>on de ,worms _h j      
rem>k$1 ,we owe mu* to ! ,jews1 :5 !re  
came a feel+ groan f a well-kn[n memb] 9
 8 back corn]1 ,we d4   #da4 ,,an       
,,unm>ri$ ,,man',s ,,wife  ,at a d9n] at
 ,delmonico's1 aft] ! bottle _h made its
 t5? r\nd1 "o ( ! company propos$ ?is   

toa/3 ,to ! man ^: wife 0 nev] vix5i% to
 him6 ,a wag ( an old ba*elor jump$ up &
 said3 ,g5tlem51 z ,i am ! only unm>ri$ 
man at ?is table1 ,i suppose t t toa/ 0 
int5d$ = me4   #db4 ,a ,,dilemma  ,i am 
no good unless ,i /rike1 said ! mat*4 ,&
 y lose y\r head e "t y d /rike1 said ! 
box4   #dc4 ,,c\rage\s ,,girl  ,! foll[+
 is a good in/ance ( an elaborate /ory &
 a %>p retort4  ,x is n always safe to  
presume ^u ! timidity or ignorance (    
folks4 ,! mo/ demure may be ! mo/       
c\rage\s4 ,a g5tleman :o attempt$ to    
play a practical joke 9 ord] to te/ !   
c\rage ( a s]vant1 0 nonplus$ 9 a v     
unexpect$ way4 ,"h is 8 /ory3  ,i am v  
p>ticul> ab\t fa/5+ ! doors & w9d[s ( my
 h\se4 ,i d n int5d to leave !m op5 at  
night z an invitation to burgl>s to     
ent]4 ,y see1 ,i 0 robb$ once 9 t way   
la/ ye>1 & ,i nev] mean to be aga92 s :5
 ,i g to b$ ,i l to be sure t e door &  
w9d[ is securely fa/5$4  ,la/ w9t] my   
wife engag$ a big1 /rong c\ntry girl1 & 
! new-com] 0 v c>eless ab\t ! doors at  

night4 ,on two or ?ree occasions ,i came
 d[n-/airs to f9d a w9d[ up or ! back   
door unlock$4 ,i caution$ h]1 b x did h]
 no good4 ,i !re=e det]m9$ to fright5   
h]4 ,i got "s false :isk]s1 & "o night  
ab\t elev5 o'clock ,i crept d[n !       
back-/airs to ! kit*51 :]e %e 04 ,%e _h 
turn$ d[n ! gas1 & 0 9 h] *air by ! fire
 fa/ asleep1 z ,i c\ld tell by h]       
brea?+1 b ! mom5t ,i /ruck a mat* %e    
awoke4  ,i expect$ a great yell+ &      
scream+1 b no?+ ( ! sort took place4 ,%e
 b\nc$ out ( h] seat ) a ,y villa96 on  
h] lips1 seiz$ a *air by ! back1 & be=e 
,i _h made a move %e hit me ov] ! head1 
=c+ me to my knees4 ,i tri$ to get up1  
tri$ to expla9 :o ,i 01 b 9 va94 ,be=e  
,i c\ld get out ( ! room %e /ruck me    
aga91 & x 0 only aft] ,i _h tumbl$ up ! 
back-/airs t %e gave ! al>m4 ,!n %e came
 up to my room1 rapp$ at ! door1 &      
coolly ann\nc$3  ,mr4 ----1 please get  
up4 ,i've kill$ a burgl>4   #dd4 ,,moral
 ,,suasion  ,:at are y\r usual modes (  
puni%m5t8 0 among ! que/ions submitt$ to

 a tea*] 9 rural di/rict 9 ,ohio4 ,h]   
answ] 01 ,i try moral suasion fir/1 & if
 t does n "w ,i use capital puni%m5t4   
,z x 0 a neighborhood :]e moral suasion 
_h n be5 a success1 & ! *ildr5 7 sc>ce !
 committee took no risks4   #de4 ,,cute 
,,boy  ,! tea*] 9 geography 0 putt+ !   
class ?r\gh a few simple te/s3  ,on :i* 
side ( ! e>? is ! ,nor? ,pole8 he       
inquir$4  ,on ! nor? side1 came !       
unanim\s answ]4  ,on :i* side is ! ,s\? 
,pole8  ,on ! s\? side8  ,n[1 on :i*    
side are ! mo/ p8  ,?is 0 a pos]1 &     
nobody answ]$4 ,f9ally1 a v "y s*ol>    
held up 8 h&4  ,i "k1 he said1          
hesitat+ly1 z if ! excess ( 8 k 0 too   
mu* = him4  ,good = y1 said ! tea*]1    
enc\rag+ly2 tell ! class on :i* side !  
mo/ p are4  ,on ! outside1 pip$ !       
y\ng/]1 & :atev] answ] ! tea*] _h 9 h]  
m9d 0 lo/ 9 ! %uffle4   #df4 ,,p]plex$  
,bob--,hello6 ,i'm awfully glad to see  
y6 ,dick--,i guess !re mu/ be "s mi/ake4
 ,i don't owe y any?+1 & ,i am n 9 a    
condition to place y 9 a position to owe

 me any?+6   #dg4 ,,b5 ,,frankl9',s     
,,oy/]s  ,b5jam9 ,frankl9 0 n unlike o!r
 boys 9 8 love = sophomoric phrases4 ,x 
is relat$ t "o day he told 8 fa!r t he  
_h swall[$ "s acephalus molluscus1 :i* s
 al>m$ him t he %riek$ = help4 ,! "m    
came 9 ) w>m wat]1 & =c$ half a gallon  
d[n ,b5jam9's ?roat ) ! g>d5 pump1 !n   
held him upside d[n1 ! fa!r say+1 ,if we
 don't get ^? ?+s out ( ,b5nie he'll be 
poison$ sure4 ,:5 ,b5jam9 0 all[$ to get
 8 brea? he expla9$ t ! articles ref]r$ 
to 7 oy/]s4 ,8 fa!r 0 s indignant t he  
:ipp$ him = an h\r = fright5+ ! family4 
,frankl9 nev] aft]w>d us$ a ^w ) two    
syllables :5 a monosyllable w\ld d4     
#dh4 ,,family ,,affairs  ,newlyw$ seems 
to f9d p>ticul> delight 9 p>ad+ 8 little
 family affairs be=e ! eyes ( 8         
acqua9tances1 ,does he8 ,:at are !y8    
,sc&als8 ,nop1 tw9s4   #di4 ,a          
,,burgl>',s ,,exp]i5ce  ,a ,new ,york   
pap] pr9ts ?is extract f ! rem9isc5ces (
 a retir$ burgl>3  ,i ?9k ab\t ! mo/    
curi\s man ,i ev] met1 said ! retir$    

burgl>1 ,i met 9 a h\se 9 ea/]n         
,connecticut1 & ,i %\ldn't "k him1 ei!r1
 if ,i %\ld meet him aga9 unless ,i %\ld
 he> him speak4 ,x 0 s d>k :]e ,i met   
him t ,i nev] saw him at all4 ,i _h     
look$ ar\nd ! h\se d[n-/airs1 & actually
 hadn't se5 a ?+ wor? c>ry+ (f4 ,x 0 !  
poore/ h\se ,i ev] 0 91 & x wasn't a    
bad-look+ h\se on ! outside1 ei!r4 ,i   
got up-/airs & grop$ ar\nd a little1 &  
f9ally turn$ into a room t 0 d>k] ?an   
,egypt4 ,i _h n gone m ?an ?ree /eps 9  
?is room :5 ,i he>d a man say3  ',hello1
 !re4'  ',hello1' says ,i4  ',:o are y8'
 says ! man2 'burgl>8'  ,& ,i said yes2 
,i did d some?+ 9 t l9e occasionally4   
',mis]able bus9ess to be 91 a9't x8'    
said ! man4 ,8 voice came f a b$ ov] 9 !
 corn] ( ! room1 & ,i knew he hadn't ev5
 sat up4  ,& ,i said1 ',well1 ,i dunno4 
,i got to support my family "s way4'    
',well1 y've j wa/$ a night "h1' says ! 
man4 ',did y see any?+ d[n-/airs wor?   
/eal+8'  ,& ,i said no1 ,i hadn't4      
',well1 !re's less up-/airs1' says !    

man2 & !n ,i he>d him turn ov] & settle 
d[n to g to sleep aga94 ,i'd l to h gone
 ov] !re & kick$ him1 b ,i didn't4 ,x 0 
gett+ late1 & ,i ?\ght1 all ?+s         
consid]$1 t ,i might j z well let him h 
8 sleep out4   #ej4 ,,hitt+ ,a ,,lawy]  
,h y _h a job to-day1 ,tim8 inquir$ a   
well-kn[n legal g5tleman ( ! equally    
well-kn[n1 jolly1 florid-fac$ old       
drayman1 :o1 ra9 or %9e1 summ] or w9t]1 
is r>ely abs5t f 8 po/4  ,b$ad1 ,i did1 
sor4  ,h[ _m8  ,only two1 sor4  ,h[ mu* 
did y get = bo?8  ,siv9ty c9ts1 sor4    
,sev5ty c5ts6 ,h[ 9 ! _w d y expect to  
live & keep a horse on sev5ty c5ts a    
day8  ,"s days ,i h half a doz5 jobs1   
sor4 ,b bizness has be5 dull to-day1    
sor4 ,on'y ! haul+ ( a ?runk = a        
g9tilman = =ty c9ts an' a load av       
furniture = ?irty c9ts2 an' !re 0 ! pots
 an' ! kittles1 an' !re's no tell+ phat2
 a big load1 sor4  ,d y c>ry big loads (
 h\sehold goods = ?irty c5ts8  ,%e 0 a  
poor widdy1 sor1 an' _h no m to give me4
 ,i took all %e _h1 sor2 an' b$ad1 sor1 

a lyy] c\ld h done no bett] nor t1 sor4 
#ea4 ,,cutt+ ,,%ort ,a ,,pray]  ,_m a   
spiritual hi/ory is cond5s$ into a      
m9iature 9 ! foll[+3  ,two              
fi%]m5--,jamie & ,s&y--belat$ & befogg$ 
on a r\gh wat]1 7 9 "s trepidation le/  
!y %\ld nev] get a%ore aga94 ,at la/    
,jamie said3  ,s&y1 ,i'm /e]+1 & ,i ?9k 
y'd bett] put up a bit ( a pray]4  ,s&y 
said3 ,i don't "k h[4  ,jamie said3 ,if 
y don't ,i'll j *uck ye ov]bo>d4  ,s&y  
began3 ,o ,"l1 ,i nev] ask$ ony?+ ( ,ye 
= fifte5 ye>1 & if ,ye'll only get u    
safe back ,i'll nev] tr\ble ,ye aga94   
,:i/1 ,s&y1 said ,jamie1 ! boat's t\*$  
%ore2 don't be behold5 to onybody4      
#eb4 ,,unremitt+ ,,k9dness  ,j]rold 0   
ask$ if he consid]$ a man k9d :o remitt$
 no funds to 8 family :5 away4 ,oh6 yes4
 ,unremitt+ k9dness1 said he4   #ec4    
,,amus+ ,,blund]  ,"o ( ! pass5g]s on   
bo>d ! ill-fat$ ,metis at ! "t ( !      
disa/] 0 an exce$+ly n]v\s man1 :o1 :ile
 float+ 9 ! wat]1 imag9$ h[ 8 fri5ds    
w\ld acqua9t 8 wife ( 8 fate4 ,sav$ at  

la/1 he ru%$ to ! telegraph (fice & s5t 
?is message3 ,de> ,p----1 ,i am sav$4   
,break x g5tly to my wife4   #ed4       
,,complim5t ,,to ,a ,,lady  ,h[ nicely  
?is might fit into a ladies' p>ty4      
,sidney ,smi?1 ! cultivat$ writ] &      
div9e1 :o1 :5 describ+ 8 c\ntry         
resid5ce1 decl>$ t he liv$ twelve miles 
f a lemon1 0 told by a beautiful girl t 
a c]ta9 pea 9 8 g>d5 w\ld nev] come to  
p]fection4 ,p]mit me !n1 said he1 tak+  
h] by ! h&1 to lead p]fection to ! pea4 
#ee4 ,,too ,,slim  ,! great evil ( mix+ 
religion & politics are well set =? 9 ! 
foll[+ incid5t3  ,gabe1 said ! gov]nor  
to an old color$ man1 ,i und]/& t y h   
be5 ou/$ f y\r position ( ,sunday-s*ool 
sup]9t5d5t4  ,yes1 sah1 da figur$ ar\n' 
till da got me out4 ,,ii 0 all a piece (
 political "w1 ?\gh2 & ,i doan see :y de
 law ( de lan' doan prev5t de           
,sunday-s*ools an' *ur*es f tak9' up    
political matt]s6  ,h[ did politics get 
y out8  ,y] see1 "s "t ago1 :5 ,i 0 a   
c&idate = ju/ice ob de peace1 ,i g9' a  

b>becue t] "s ob my fri5's4 ,de udd] day
 da brung up de fack an' ou/$ me4  ,i   
don't see :y ! fact t y gave a b>becue  
to y\r fri5ds %\ld h caus$ any tr\ble4  
,neid] does myse'f1 boss2 b y] see da   
said dat ,i /ole de hogs :at ,i b>becu$4
 ,de pro( wa'nt good1 an' ,i ?9k dat da 
done wrong 9 ack9' ^u se* slim te/imony4
 ,da said dat ,i cot* de hogs 9 a corn  
fid'4 ,i "k dat wan't true1 'case x 0 a 
:eat fid' :> ,i cot* 'em4   #ef4 ,a     
,,fa/-,,day ,,toa/  ,on "o ( !          
fa/-days--a cold1 bleak "o1 too--,fa!r  
,foley1 a popul> & g5ial prie/1 on 8 way
 f a di/ant visitation1 dropp$ 9 to see 
,wid[ ,o',bri51 :o 0 z jolly z himself1 
& equally z fond ( ! creature com=ts1 &1
 :at is bett]1 well able to provide !m4 
,z x 0 ab\t d9n]-"t1 8 rev]5ce ?\ght he 
w\ld /ay & h a morsel ) ! old dame2 b   
:at 0 8 horror to see s]v$ up 9 good    
/yle a pair ( spl5did roa/ ducks6  ,oh6 
mu%a1 ,mi/ress ,o',bri51 :at h ye !re8  
he exclaim$1 9 well-feign$ surprise4    
,ducks1 y] riv]5ce4  ,ducks6 roa/ ducks6

 & ?is a fa/-day ( ! holy ,*ur*6  ,wi%a6
 ,i nev] ?\ght ( t2 b :y c't we eat a   
bit ( duck1 y] riv]5ce8  ,:y8 ,because !
 ,c\ncil ( ,tr9t won't lave u--t's :y4  
,well1 well1 n[1 b ,i'm sorry fur t1 fur
 ,i c only give ye a bite ( bread &     
*eese & a glass ( some?+ hot4 ,w\ld t be
 any h>rum1 sir8  ,h>rum6 by no manes1  
woman4 ,sure we mu/ live any way1 &     
bread & *eese is n =bid6  ,nay!r :iskey 
pun*8  ,nay!r t4  ,well1 ?91 y] riv]5ce1
 w\ld x be any h>rum fur me to give a   
toa/8  ,by no manes1 ,mrs4 ,o',bri54    
,toa/ away z mu* z ye l1 b$ad6  ,well1  
?91 "h's to ! ,c\ncil ( ,tr9t1 fur if x 
keeps u f at9'1 x doesn't keep u f      
dr9k9'6   #eg4 ,,! ,,sun ,,/&+ ,,/ill   
,james ,russell ,l[ell1 :5 conclud+ an  
aft]-d9n] spee* 9 ,engl&1 made a happy  
hit by introduc+ ! /ory ( a ,me?odi/    
prea*] at a camp-meet+1 ( :om he _h he>d
 :5 he 0 "y4 ,he 0 prea*+ on ,jo%ua     
ord]+ ! sun to /& /ill3 ,my he>]s1 he   
said1 !re are ?ree motions ( ! sun2 !   
fir/ is ! /raight=w>d or direct motion (

 ! sun1 ! second is ! retrograde or     
backw>d motion ( ! sun1 & ! ?ird is !   
motion m5tion$ 9 our text--'! sun /ood  
/ill4' ,n[1 g5tlem51 ,i d n "k :e!r y   
see ! application ( t /ory to aft]-d9n] 
oratory4 ,i hope y d4 ,! aft]-d9n]      
orator at fir/ beg9s & goes /raight     
=w>d--t is ! /raight=w>d motion ( ! sun2
 next he goes back & beg9s to repeat    
himself a little1 & t is ! retrograde or
 backw>d motion ( ! sun2 & at la/ he has
 ! good s5se to br+ himself to an end1 &
 t is ! motion m5tion$ 9 our text ( !   
sun /&+ /ill4   #eh4 ,,neutraliz+       
,,poison  ,col4 ,john ,h4 ,george1 a    
,new ,hamp%ire b>ri/]1 tells a good /ory
 on himself4 ,meet+ an old f>m] rec5tly 
:om he _h kn[n 9 8 y\?1 ! old fell[     
congratulat$ ! ,colonel on 8 y\?ful     
appe>ance4  ,h[ is x y've manag$ to keep
 s fre% & good-look+ all ^! ye>s8 quo?  
he4  ,well1 said ,george1 ,i'll tell y4 
,i've always drank new rum & vot$ !     
,democratic ticket4  ,oh6 yes1 said !   
old man1 ,i see h[ x is2 "o piz5        

neutralizes ! o!r6   #ei4 ,,g5]al       
,,butl] ,,& ,,! ,,spoons  ,:ile ,g5]al  
,butl] 0 deliv]+ a spee* 9 ,bo/on dur+  
an excit+ political campaign1 "o ( 8    
he>]s cri$ out3 ,h[ ab\t ! spoons1 ,b58 
,b5jam9's good eye tw9kl$ m]rily z he   
look$ ba%fully at ! audi5ce1 & said3    
,n[1 don't m5tion t1 please4 ,i 0 a     
,republican :5 ,i /ole ^? spoons4   #fj4
 ,,mak+ ,,mo/ ,,( ,,"o',s ,,capital  ,"o
 %\ld always make ! mo/ ( 8 capital1 z  
?is orator did4  ,fell[-citiz5s1 my     
competitor has told y ( ! s]vices he    
r5d]$ 9 ! late w>4 ,i w foll[ 8 example1
 & ,i %all tell y ( m9e4 ,he basely     
ins9uates t ,i 0 deaf to ! voice ( honor
 9 t crisis4 ,! tru? is1 ,i act$ a      
humble "p 9 t memorable conte/4 ,:5 !   
tocs9 ( w> summon$ ! *ivalry ( ! c\ntry 
to rally to ! def5se ( ! nation1 ,i1    
fell[-citiz5s1 animat$ by t patriotic _s
 t gl[s 9 e ,am]ican's bosom1 hir$ a    
sub/itute = t w>1 & ! bones ( t man1    
fell[-citiz5s1 n[ lie blea*+ 9 ! valley 
( ! ,%5&oah6   #fa4 ,,meet+ ,,half-,,way

  ,b ! foll[+ man c\ld get ev5 m out (  
an unpromis+ situation4  ,n[1 ,i want to
 "k1 said a man ^: v]acity _h be5       
que/ion$ by an angry acqua9tance1 j :y y
 call me a li>4 ,be frank1 sir2 =       
frankness is a gold5-trimm$ virtue4 ,j z
 a fri5d1 n[1 tell me :y y call$ me a   
li>4  ,call$ y a li> because y are a    
li>1 ! acqua9tance repli$4  ,t's :at ,i 
call frankness4 ,:y1 sir1 if ?is rule 7 
adopt$ ov] half ( ! difficulties w\ld be
 settl$ )\t tr\ble1 & 9 our case !re    
w\ld h be5 tr\ble b = our will+ness to  
meet ea* o!r half-way4   #fb4           
,,un=tunate ,,mi/ake  ,judge ----1 :o is
 n[ a v able ,judge ( ! ,supreme ,c\rt (
 "o ( ! great ,/ates ( ?is ,union1 :5 he
 fir/ came to ! b>1 0 a v blund]+       
speak]4 ,on "o occasion1 :5 he 0 try+ a 
case ( replev91 involv+ ! "r ( prop]ty  
to a lot ( hogs1 he address$ ! jury z   
foll[s3  ,g5tlem5 ( ! jury1 !re 7 j     
tw5ty-f\r hogs 9 t drove--j tw5ty-f\r1  
g5tlem5--exactly twice z _m z !re are 9 
t jury-box6 ,! effect c be imag9$4      

#fc4 ,,tak5 ,,at ,,8 ,,^w  ,a pret5ti\s 
p]son said to ! lead+ man ( a c\ntry    
village1 ,h[ w\ld a lecture by me on    
,m\nt ,vesuvius suit ! inhabitants ( y\r
 village8 ,v well1 sir2 v well1 inde$1  
he answ]$2 a lecture by y on ,m\nt      
,vesuvius w\ld suit !m a great deal     
bett] ?an a lecture by y 9 ?is village4 
#fd4 ,,bragg+ ,,vet]ans  ,9 w>n+ vet]ans
 aga9/ exagg]at+1 a g5tleman at a       
,wa%+ton banquet relat$ ! foll[+        
anecdote ( a ,revolution>y vet]an1 :o1  
hav+ outliv$ ne>ly all 8 comrades1 & be+
 9 no dang] ( contradiction1 rehe>s$ 8  
exp]i5ce ?uswise3 ,9 t fe>ful day at    
,monm\?1 al?\gh entitl$ to a horse1 ,i  
f\ght on foot4 ,) ea* bl[ ,i sev]$ an   
,engli%man's head f 8 body1 until a huge
 pile ( heads lay ar\nd me1 great pools 
( blood on ei!r side1 & my %oes 7 s full
 ( ! same dreadful fluid t my feet      
slipp$ b5ea? me4 ,j !n ,i felt a t\* ^u 
my %\ld]1 &1 look+ up1 :o %\ld ,i behold
 b ! great & good ,wa%+ton himself6     
,nev] %all ,i =get ! maje/y & dignity ( 

8 pres5ce1 z1 press+ 8 h& ^u me1 he     
said1 ',my "y fri5d1 re/ra9 y\rself1 & =
 heav5's sake d n make a slaught]-h\se (
 y\rself4'   #fe4 ,,ex*ang+ ,,m9ds      
,he9ri* ,he9e1 ! ,g]man poet1 apologiz+ 
= feel+ dull aft] a visit f a pr(essor  
said3 ,i am afraid y f9d me v /upid4 ,! 
fact is1 ,dr4 ---- call$ ^u me ?is      
morn+1 & we ex*ang$ our m9ds4   #ff4    
,,buy+ ,a ,,lawy]  ,! will+ness to pay  
full value = an article is a trait ( "* 
always appreciat$4  ,lawy] ,b---- call$ 
at ! (fice ( ,c\nselor ,f----1 :o has _h
 consid]able practice 9 bankruptcy1 &   
said3 ,see "h1 ,f----1 ,i want to "k :at
 ! practice is 9 su* & su* a case 9     
bankruptcy4  ,f----1 /raight5+ himself  
up & look+ z wise z possible1 repli$3   
,well1 ,mr4 ,b----1 ,i g5]ally get paid 
= tell+ :at ,i "k4  ,b---- put 8 h& into
 8 pocket1 drew =? half a doll>1 h&$ x  
to ,f----1 & said3 ,"h1 tell me all y   
"k1 & give me ! *ange4   #fg4 ,,w\ld ,,n
 ,,save ,,x  ,9 ! old t[n ( ,w----1 9 ! 
,p9e-tree ,/ate1 liv$ "o ( ^? un=tunate 

lords ( creation :o _h1 9 n a v long    
life1 put on m\rn+ = ?ree dep>t$ wives4 
,b "t assuages he>t-w\nds1 z well z ^? (
 ! fle%4 ,9 due "t a f\r? 0 inaugurat$  
mi/ress ( 8 he>t & h\se4 ,he 0 a v      
prud5t man1 & suff]$ no?+ to be wa/$4   
,:5 ! new mi/ress 0 putt+ ?+s 9 ord]1   
:ile clean+ up ! attic %e came across a 
long piece ( bo>d1 & 0 ab\t laun*+ x out
 ( ! w9d[1 :5 little ,sadie int]pos$1 & 
said3 ,oh6 don't1 mamma6 t is ! bo>d    
papa lays out 8 wives on1 & he wants to 
save x6 ,nev]!less1 out x w5t4   #fh4   
,,wid[ ,,outwitt$  ,9 a ,we/]n village a
 *>m+1 well-pres]v$ wid[ _h be5 c\rt$ & 
won by a physician4 ,%e _h *ildr54 ,!   
w$d+-day 0 approa*+1 & x 0 "t ! *ildr5  
%\ld "k !y 7 to h a new fa!r4 ,call+ "o 
( !m to h]1 %e said3 ,georgie1 ,i am go+
 to d some?+ be=e long t ,i w\ld l to   
talk ab\t ) y4  ,well1 ma1 :at is x6  ,i
 am int5d+ to m>ry ,dr4 ,jones 9 a few  
days1 &--  ,bully = y1 ma6 ,does ,dr4   
,jones "k x8  ,ma caught h] brea?1 b    
fail$ to articulate a response4   #fi4  

,,too ,,k9d  ,:]e c we f9d a m t\*+     
manife/ation ( mutual b5evol5ce ?an !   
foll[+4  ,9 ,new ,j]sey reside two      
g5tlem51 ne> neighbors & bosom fri5ds1  
"o a cl]gyman1 ,dr4 ,b----1 ! o!r a     
g5tleman ( means nam$ ,wilson4 ,bo? 7   
passionately fond ( music1 & ! latt]    
devot$ _m ( 8 leisure h\rs to ! /udy ( !
 viol94 ,"o f9e aft]noon our cl]ical    
fri5d 0 9 8 /udy1 deeply engag$ 9 writ+1
 :5 !re came along "o ( ^? good-=-no?+  
little ,italian play]s1 :o plant$       
himself "u 8 /udy w9d[1 &1 mu* to 8     
annoyance1 comm5c$ scrap+ away on a     
squeaky fiddle4 ,aft] try+ 9 va9 = ab\t 
fifte5 m9utes to collect 8 scatt]$      
?\ghts1 ! ,doctor desc5d$ to ! piazza 9 
front ( ! h\se1 & said to ! boy3  ,look 
"h1 sonny1 y g ov] & play a:ile = ,mr4  
,wilson4 ,"h is t5 c5ts4 ,he lives 9 t  
big :ite h\se ov] yond]4 ,he plays !    
viol91 & likes music bett] ?an ,i d4    
,well1 said ! boy1 tak+ ! /amp1 ,i w\ld1
 b he j gave me t5 c5ts to come ov] &   
play = y6   #gj4 ,,n ,,fool$ ,,twice    

,san ,francisco boa/s ( a saloon call$ !
 ,bank ,ex*ange1 :]e ! f9e/ w9es &      
liquors are disp5s$ at tw5ty-five c5ts a
 glass1 ) lun*es ?r[n 9 free4 ,a        
pla9-look+ p]son w5t 9 "o morn+ & call$ 
= a br&y cocktail1 & want$ x /rong4 ,mr4
 ,p>k]1 z is usual ) him1 0 v           
consid]ate1 & mix$ ! dr9k 9 8 be/ /yle1 
sett+ x d[n = 8 cu/om]4 ,aft] ! cocktail
 _h disappe>$ ! man lean$ ov] ! b> &    
said t he _h no *ange ab\t him !n1 b    
w\ld h soon1 :5 he w\ld pay = ! dr9k4   
,p>k] politely rem>k$ t he %\ld h       
m5tion$ ! fact be=e he got ! dr9k2 :5 8 
cu/om] rem>k$3 ,i tri$ t on ye/]day     
morn+ ) "o ( y\r m51 b he w\ld n let me 
h ! :iskey1 s y c\ld n play t dodge on  
me aga96 ,?is 0 too good = ,p>k]1 & he  
told ! cu/om] he 0 welcome to 8 dr9k1 & 
0 entitl$ to 8 hat 9 ! b>ga91 if he     
want$ x4   #ga4 ,,bit+ ,,s>casm  ,/&+ on
 ! /eps at ! entrance to "o ( ! gr&     
hotels at ,s>atoga1 a "y g5tleman1 9 :om
 ! dude species 0 /rongly develop$1 _h  
be5 li/5+ ) eag] att5tion to ! bright   

?+s :i* fell f ! lips ( ! well-kn[n wit 
& orator1 ,emory ,a4 ,/orrs4  ,at la/   
our exquisite exclaim$3 ,er--,mr4       
,/orrs1--,i--er--wi%1 oh6 h[            
,i--er--wi%6 t ,i _h y\r--er--*eek4     
,mr4 ,/orrs in/antly annihilat$ him )3  
,x is a mo/ =tunate disp5sation (       
,provid5ce t y h n4 ,=1 ) my *eek & y\r 
bra9s1 y w\ld be kick$ d[n ^! /eps 9 no 
"t6   #gb4 ,,incorrigible ,,neighbor  ,a
 lady 9 ,cali=nia _h a tr\blesome       
neighbor1 ^: cattle ov]run h] ran*1     
caus+ mu* damage4 ,! lady bore !        
annoyance pati5tly1 hop+ t "s           
compunction w\ld be felt = ! damage     
inflict$4 ,at la/ %e caught a calf :i* 0
 mak+ havoc 9 h] g>d51 & s5t x home ) a 
*ild1 say+1 ,tell ,mrs4 ,a4 t ! calf has
 eat5 ne>ly ev]y?+ 9 ! g>d51 & ,i h     
sc>cely a cabbage left4  ,! feel+s ( !  
injur$ lady may be imag9$ :5 %e receiv$ 
?is reply3 ,! cabbage ne>ly all eat56   
,well1 ,i mu/ get ov] & borr[ "s be=e x 
is all gone6   #gc4 ,,disgu/$ ,,(fic]   
,"s ye>s s9ce a p>ty ( ,indians drove (f

 all ! live-/ock at ,=t ,lanca/]4 ,a few
 days aft]w>d ,capta9 ---- 0 pass+ ?r\gh
 ! po/1 & /opp$ a c\ple ( days = re/4   
,:ile !re an en?usia/ic (fic] took him  
out to %[ him ! trail ( ! bad ,indians1 
h[ !y came1 :i* way !y w5t1 etc4 ,aft]  
foll[+ ! trail = "s di/ance ! ,capta9   
turn$ to 8 guide & exclaim$3 ,look "h2  
if y want to f9d any ,indians1 y c f9d  
!m2 ,i hav5't lo/ any1 & am go+ back to 
camp4   #gd4 ,,irate ,,prison]  ,a man  
arre/$ = /eal+ *ick5s 0 br\ght to trial4
 ,! case 0 giv5 to ! jury1 :o br\ght him
 9 guilty1 & ! judge s5t5c$ him to ?ree 
mon?s' imprisonm5t4 ,! jail] 0 a jovial 
man1 fond ( a smile1 & feel+ p>ticul>ly 
good on t p>ticul> day1 consid]$ himself
 insult$ :5 ! prison] look+ ar\nd 8 cell
 told him x 0 dirty1 & n fit = a hog to 
be put 94 ,"o ^w br\ght on ano!r1 till  
f9ally ! jail] told ! prison] if he did 
n behave himself he w\ld put him out4   
,to :i* ! prison] repli$3 ,i w give y to
 und]/&1 sir1 ,i h z good a "r "h z y h6
   #ge4 ,,tru?ful ,,prison]  ,! ecc5tric

 old ,k+ ( ,prussia1 fa!r ( ,fr$]ick !  
,great1 :ile visit+ ! ,potsdam prison1 0
 mu* int]e/$ 9 ! pr(essions ( innoc5ce !
 prison]s made4 ,"s blam$ _! conviction 
on ! prejudice ( judges2 o!rs1 ^u !     
p]jury ( witnesses or ! tricks ( bad    
companions4 ,at l5g? he acco/$ a /urdy1 
closely-fett]$ prison] ) ! rem>k1 ,i    
suppose y are innoc5t1 too4  ,no1 y\r   
,maje/y1 0 ! unexpect$ response4 ,i am  
guilty1 & ri*ly des]ve all ,i get4  ,"h1
 y turnkey1 ?und]$ ! mon>*1 come & turn 
out ?is rascal1 quick1 be=e he corrupts 
?is f9e lot ( innoc5t & abus$ p t y h   
ab\t y4   #gf4 ,,rul+ ,,passion  ,!re   
are p]sons n[ liv+ 9 ,b5n+ton :o rememb]
 old ,billy ,b----1 ( :om x might be    
said he furni%$ an example ( ! rul+     
passion /rong 9 dea?4 ,:5 v ill1 &      
fri5ds 7 expect+ an e>ly demise1 8      
nephew & a man hir$ = ! occasion _h     
but*]$ a /e] :i* _h be5 fatt5$2 & :5 !  
job 0 complet$ ! nephew ent]$ !         
sick-room1 :]e a few fri5ds 7 assembl$1 
:51 to ! a/oni%m5t ( all1 ! old man op5$

 8 eyes1 & turn+ 8 head slightly1 said1 
9 a full voice1 draw+ out ! words3  ,:at
 h y be5 do+8  ,kill+ ! /e]1 0 ! reply4 
,:at did y d ) ! hide8  ,left x 9 ! b>n2
 go+ to sell x by-&-by4  ,let ! boys    
drag x ar\nd ! y>d a c\ple ( times2 x w 
make x weigh heavi]4  ,& ! good old man 
0 ga!r$ unto 8 fa!rs4   #gg4 ,,bad      
,,speculation  ,?is is told ( be>s1     
rattlesnakes1 etc41 z well z ,indians4  
,at a rec5t fe/ive occasion a g5tleman  
:o 0 mak+ a few rem>ks 0 repeat$ly      
int]rupt$ by ano!r "o ( ! company4 ,he  
bore x pati5tly at fir/1 b f9ally said t
 x rem9d$ him ( a /ory he _h he>d4 ,he  
said t a man1 :om bus9ess _h call$ away 
a %ort di/ance f 8 home 9 ! city1 ?\ght 
he w\ld pay 8 way back aga9 by pur*as+ a
 numb] ( hogs & driv+ !m home4 ,he did  
s1 b :5 he & ! hogs arriv$ at _!        
de/9ation ! m>ket = ! latt] _h fall5    
consid]ably 9 price1 & ! hogs _h also   
lo/ weight on ! j\rney4 ,x 0 rem>k$ to  
him t he _h made r a bad speculation4   
,yes--well1 yes1 he answ]$ reflectively4

 ,yes--b !n1 y see1 ,i _h _! company all
 ! way6   #gh4 ,,satisfi$ ,,) ,,8       
,,situation  ,! foll[+ may n be /rictly 
true1 b x well illu/rates t !re is      
always a l[] dep? 9 mis=tune1 &--t      
,we/]n roads are (t5 some:at muddy4  ,"s
 ye>s ago1 :5 rid+ along "o ( ! almo/   
impassable roads 9 ! f> ,we/1 ,i obs]v$ 
a d>k-look+ object ly+ 9 ! middle ( !   
road1 & my natural curiosity impell$ me 
to dism\nt & exam9e x4 ,x prov$ to be a 
hat1 some:at muddy & dilapidat$1 b      
emphatically a hat4 ,on lift+ x up1 to  
my surprise ,i f\nd t x cov]$ a head--a 
human head--:i* protrud$ suffici5tly out
 ( ! mud to be recognizable z su*4 ,i   
v5tur$ to address ! evid5tly wide-awake 
head1 & rem>k$ t x seem$ to be 9 a      
pretty bad sort ( a fix4  ,wa'al1 yes6 !
 lips repli$2 y're ab\t "r ?>1 /rang]2 b
 !n ,i a9't anyway ne> z bad (f z !     
horse t's "u me6   #gi4 ,a ,,good ,,^w  
,,= ,,! ,,devil  ,a conf]5ce prea*] "o  
day w5t into ! h\se ( a ,wesleyan       
,re=m]1 & saw ! portraits ( ?ree expell$

 m9i/]s susp5d$ f ! walls4  ,:at6 said  
he1 h y got !m hang+ !re8  ,oh6 yes1 0 !
 answ]2 !y are !re4  ,ah6 well2 b "o is 
want$ to complete ! set4  ,pray1 :o is  
t8  ,:y1 ! devil1 to be sure4  ,ah6 said
 ! ,re=m]1 b he is n yet expell$ f !    
,conf]5ce4   #hj4 ,,m>ry+ ,a ,,wid[  ,9 
,cadiz1 ,ohio1 a prea*] 0 summon$ to !  
hotel to make an expectant c\ple "o4 ,9 
! c\rse ( ! prelim9>y inquiries ! groom 
0 ask$ if he _h be5 m>ri$ be=e1 &       
admitt$ t he _h be5--?ree times4 ,& is  
?is lady a wid[1 0 also ask$1 b he      
respond$ promptly & emphatically1 ,no1  
sir2 ,i nev] m>ry wid[s4   #ha4 ,a      
,,good ,,sale  ,sev]al ye>s ago !re     
resid$ 9 ,s>atoga ,c\nty a lawy] (      
consid]able ability & reputation1 b ( no
 great culture1 :o _h an unusually f9e  
ta/e 9 pa9t+s & engrav+s--! only evid5ce
 ( ref9em5t he ev] exhibit$4 ,a cl]gyman
 ( ! village 9 :i* he liv$1 kn[+ 8      
fondness = su* ?+s1 introduc$ to him an 
ag5t ( a publi%+ h\se 9 ! city :o 0     
issu+ a pictorial ,bible 9 numb]s4 ,!   

specim5 ( ! /yle ( "w exhibit$ to !     
lawy] 0 a v beautiful "o1 & he readily  
put d[n 8 "n = a copy4 ,b 9 ! progress (
 ! publication ! "* ( ! engrav+s rapidly
 det]iorat$1 mu* to ! disgu/ ( !        
enlight5$ lawy]4 ,! picture ( ,joseph1 v
 indiff]5tly done1 provok$ him beyond   
endurance1 & seiz+ sev]al ( ! numb]s he 
salli$ =? to reproa* ! p>son = lead+ him
 into su* a bad b>ga94 ,look at ^!      
wret*$ scrat*es1 said he1 turn+ ! pages 
ov]1 & see h[ ,i h be5 impos$ ^u6 ,"h is
 a portrait ( ,joseph1 :om 8 bre?r5 sold
 to ! ,egyptians = tw5ty pieces ( silv]2
 & let me tell y1 p>son1 if ,joseph     
look$ l t x 0 a mighty good sale6   #hb4
 ,,triumphs ,,( ,,m$ic9e  ,a prie/ 0    
call$ ^u by a sup]/iti\s p>i%ion]1 :o   
ask$ him to d some?+ = h] sick c[4 ,he  
disclaim$ kn[+ any?+ ab\t su* matt]s1 b 
c\ld n put h] (f4 ,%e insi/$ t if he    
w\ld only say "s words ov] ! c[1 !      
animal w\ld surely recov]4 ,worn out )  
importunity1 he seiz$ 8 book 9          
desp]ation1 walk$ ar\nd ! f\r-legg$     

pati5t sev]al times1 repeat+ 9 a sonor\s
 voice ! ,lat9 words1 :i* mean1 ,if y   
die1 y die2 & if y live1 y live1 & ru%$ 
(f disgu/$4 ,b ! woman 0 delight$1 &    
soo? to say ! c[ quickly recov]$4  ,b 9 
"t ! good man himself 0 tak5 sick1 &    
grew rapidly worse4 ,8 ?roat 0 t]ribly  
swoll51 & all m$ical aid 0 exhau/$4 ,!  
^w pass$ ar\nd ! p>i% t ! prie/ mu/ die4
 ,:5 ,bridget he>d ! p]il ( h] favorite 
pa/or %e 0 inspir$ by a mighty resolve4 
,%e hurri$ to ! sick-room1 ent]$ aga9/ !
 prote/ ( ! fri5ds :o 7 weep+ ar\nd1 & )
 out a ^w to any "o ) h] /rong h&s      
dragg$ 8 rev]5ce's b$ to ! middle ( !   
floor1 & ) ! exact copy ( 8 v ge/ures & 
voice m>*$ ar\nd ! b$1 repeat+ ! sonor\s
 & well-rememb]$ ,lat9 phrase1 ,if y    
die1 y die2 & if y live1 y live4 ,!     
prie/ fell into a fit ( uncontrollable  
laught]1 & 9 8 /ruggle = brea? &        
self-control ! ga!r+ 9 8 ?roat broke & 8
 life 0 sav$6  ,mighty are ! triumphs ( 
m$ic9e6   #hc4 ,,tit ,,= ,,tat  ,an old 
fell[ 9 a neighbor+ t[n1 :o is orig9al 9

 all ?+s1 especially 9 excessive        
egotism1 & :o took "p 9 ! late w>1 0 "o 
day talk+ to a cr[d ( admir+ li/5]s1 &  
boa/+ ( 8 _m bloody exploits1 :5 he 0   
int]rupt$ by ! "q3  ,i say1 old ,joe1 h[
 _m ( ! enemy did y kill dur+ ! w>8  ,h[
 _m did ,i kill sir8 h[ _m enemies did  
,i kill8 ,well1 ,i don't "k j 'zactly h[
 _m2 b ,i "k ?is mu*--,i kill$ z _m o'  
!m z !y did o' me6   #hd4 ,,sleep+ ,,on 
,,top  ,dur+ a homew>d trip ( ! ,h5ry   
,*auncey1 f ,asp9wall1 ! /e]age pass5g]s
 7 s num]\s z to make !m uncom=table4 ,z
 = sleep+ accommodation1 x 0 aptly      
describ$ by a ,cali=nian1 :o approa*$ ! 
capta91 & said3  ,i %\ld l to h a       
sleep+-b]?1 if y please4  ,:y1 :]e h y  
be5 sleep+ ^! la/ two nights s9ce we    
left8  ,wa'al1 ,i've be5 sleep+ a-top ( 
a sick man2 b he's bett] n[1 & won't /& 
x no long]6   #he4 ,,sambo ,,& ,,!      
,,lawy]  ,9 a ,macon 7,ga47 c\rt ! o!r  
day a lawy] 0 cross-exam9+ a negro      
witness1 & 0 gett+ along fairly well    
until he ask$ ! witness :at 8 occupation

 04 ,i'se a c>p5t]1 sah4 ,:at k9d ( a   
c>p5t]8 ,!y calls me a jackleg c>p5t]1  
sah4 ,:at is a jackleg c>p5t]8 ,he is a 
c>p5t] :o is n a fir/-class c>p5t]1 sah4
 ,well1 expla9 fully :at y und]/& a     
jackleg c>p5t] to be1 insi/$ ! lawy]4   
,boss1 ,i decl>e ,i dunno h[ t] spla9   
any mo' 'cept to say hit am jes' ! same 
diff]5ce 'twixt y an' a fu/-class lawy]4
   #hf4 ,,sixty-,,c5t ,,nap  ,on bo>d a 
tra9 9 ! ,we/ an ecc5tric prea*] want$ a
 sleep+-b]?1 b _h only sixty c5ts1 :ile 
! l[e/ price 0 a doll>4 ,naturally he   
did n get on v fa/ ) ! port]2 b aft]    
we>+ out ! pati5ce ( t function>y 9 va9 
ef=ts to /ret* ! sixty c5ts1 ! conductor
 0 s5t =4 ,all proposals to borr[1 to   
pl$ge an old ,wat]bury wat*1 & o!r      
f9ancial exp$i5ts fail$2 b ! circle 0   
squ>$ :5 ! prea*] said1 ,i'll lie d[n1 &
 :5 ,i h slept sixty c5ts wor?1 y s5d t 
b$-%ak] to r\t me out4 ,! procession    
/>t$ = ! sleep] amid ! hil>ity ( !      
pass5g]s1 b ! tradition is t he slept ! 
:ole night ?r\gh & f> into ! morn+4     

#hg4 ,,pref]r$ ,,to ,,walk  ,a great    
travel] once f\nd himself on ! %ore ( ! 
,sea ( ,galilee4 ,he 0 at once beset by 
boatm51 :o want$ to take him out to sail
 on ! wat]s :]e ,*ri/ _h walk$4 ,he     
yield$ to _! importunities1 & return$ to
 ! %ore 9 ab\t an h\r4 ,b 8 dev\t       
m$itations 7 greatly di/urb$ :5 he 0    
told t ! *>ge 0 #aj4 ,) en]gy he decl>$ 
t x 0 robb]y1 t x 0 n wor? s mu* to sail
 all ov] _! little lake1 & dem&$1 ,:at  
makes y *>ge s dreadfully8 ,:y1 said !  
innoc5t boatman1 because dese ese de    
lake 7 de ,savi\r walk$ on de wat]4     
,walk$6 walk$6 did ,he8 ,well1 if !     
boatm5 ( t day *>g$ z y fell[s d1 ,i    
%\ld ?9k ,he w\ld walk4   #hh4 ,,horace 
,,greeley',s ,,joke  ,on "o occasion a  
p]son1 :o wi%$ to h a little fun at !   
exp5se ( 8 con/itu5cy1 said 9 a gr\p :]e
 ,horace ,greeley 0 /&+3 ,mr4 ,greeley &
 ,i1 g5tlem51 are old fri5ds4 ,we h     
drunk a good deal ( br&y & wat] toge!r4 
,yes1 said ,mr4 ,greeley1 t is true     
en\gh4 ,y drank ! br&y1 & ,i drank !    

wat]4   #hi4 ,,doctors ,,& ,,deadheads  
,fifty ye>s ago ! pr9cipal av5ue (      
,detroit _h a toll-gate close to !      
entrance ( ! ,elmwood ,cemet]y road4 ,z 
?is cemet]y _h be5 laid out "s "t       
previ\s to ! con/ruction ( ! plank road1
 x 0 arrang$ t all fun]al processions   
%\ld be all[$ to pass along ! latt]     
toll-free4 ,"o day z a well-kn[n        
physician /opp$ to pay 8 toll1 he obs]v$
 to ! gate-keep]3  ,consid]+ ! b5evol5t 
"* ( our pr(ession1 ,i ?9k y ought to   
let physicians pass free ( *>ge4  ,no1  
no1 doctor1 repli$ ! man2 we c't af=d t4
 ,y s5d too _m 'deadheads' ?r\gh "h z x 
is4  ,! /ory travel$1 & ! two words     
became associat$4   #ij4 ,,boom+ ,a     
,,t[n  ,!y tell a /ory ( a man :o came  
into ,omaha "o day1 & want$ to trade 8  
f>m = "s city lots4 ,all "r1 repli$ !   
real-e/ate ag5t1 get into my buggy1 &   
,i'll drive y out to see "s ( ! f9e/    
resid5ce sites 9 ! _w--wat]1 sew]s1 pav$
 /reets1 cem5t sidewalks1 electric      
light1 %ade trees1 & all t sort ( ?+1 & 

away !y drove f\r or five miles into !  
c\ntry4 ,! real-e/ate ag5t expatiat$ ^u 
! beauty ( ! surr\nd+s1 ! value ( !     
improvem5ts made & project$1 ! conv5i5ce
 ( ! location1 ! ease & spe$ ) :i* p :o 
liv$ !re c\ld rea* t[n1 & ! c]ta9ty ( an
 active dem& = su* lots 9 ! imm$iate    
future4 ,!n1 :5 he 0 brea?less1 he turn$
 to 8 companion1 & ask$3  ,:]e's y\r    
f>m8  ,we pass$ x com+ out "h1 0 !      
reply4 ,x's ab\t two miles ne>] t[n4    
#ia4 ,,a?letic ,,nurse  ,"y ,wife--,:y1 
de>1 y 7 ! /roke o> at college1 w]5't y8
  ,"y ,husb&--,yes1 love4  ,& a prom95t 
memb] ( ! gymna/ic class8  ,i 0 lead]4  
,& q a h& at all a?letic ex]cises8  ,q a
 h&8 ,my graci\s6 ,i 0 *ampion walk]1 ! 
be/ runn]1 ! head man at lift+ heavy    
weights1 & z = c>ry+--:y1 ,i c\ld %\ld] 
a b>rel ( fl\r &--  ,well1 love1 j      
please c>ry ! baby = a c\ple ( h\rs1    
,i'm tir$4   #ib4 ,,too ,,premature     
,any?+ r premature may be illu/rat$ by !
 foll[+3  ,a spr+ bird t _h tak5 "t by !
 =elock flew across ! lawn ne> ?is city 

"o day la/ week4 ,8 probable fate is be/
 describ$ 9 ?is pa!tic v]se1 au?or      
unkn[n3      ,! fir/ bird ( spr+        
,essay$ = to s+2   ,b ere he _h utt]$ a 
note     ,he fell f ! limb1     ,a dead 
bird 0 him1   ,! music _h friz 9 8      
?roat4   #ic4 ,a ,,bewild]$ ,,iri%man   
,! poet ,%elley tells an amus+ /ory ( ! 
influ5ce t language h>d to be und]/ood  
ex]cises on ! vulg> m9d4 ,walk+ ne>     
,cov5t ,g>d51 ,london1 he accid5tally   
jo/l$ aga9/ an ,iri% navvy1 :o1 be+ 9 a 
qu>relsome mood1 seem$ incl9$ to attack 
! poet4 ,a cr[d ( ragg$ sympa?iz]s began
 to ga!r1 :5 ,%elley1 calmly fac+ !m1   
delib]ately pron\nc$3  ,i h put my h&   
into ! hamp]1 ,i h look$ on ! sacr$     
b>ley1 ,i h eat5 out ( ! drum4 ,i h     
drunk & am well pleas$4 ,i h said1      
',knox ,ompax1' & x is f9i%$4  ,! effect
 0 magical1 ! a/oni%$ ,iri%man fell     
back2 8 fri5ds began to "q him4 ,:at    
b>ley8 ,:]e's ! hamp]8 ,:at h y be5     
dr9k+8 & ,%elley walk$ away unmole/$4   
#id4 ,,obey+ ,,ord]s  ,:5 ,g5]al        

,sickles1 aft] ! second battle ( ,bull  
,run1 assum$ comm& ( a division ( !     
,army ( ! ,potomac1 he gave an elaborate
 f>ewell d9n] to ! (fic]s ( 8 old       
,excelsior ,brigade4  ,n[1 boys1 we w h 
a family ga!r+1 he said to !m1 z !y     
assembl$ 9 8 qu>t]s4 ,po9t+ to ! table1 
he cont9u$3 ,treat x z y w\ld ! enemy4  
,z ! fea/ end$1 an ,iri% (fic] 0        
discov]$ by ,sickles 9 ! act ( /[+ away 
?ree bottles ( *ampagne 9 8 saddle-bags4
  ,:at are y do+1 sir1 gasp$ ! a/oni%$  
,g5]al4  ,obey+ ord]s1 sir1 repli$ !    
capta91 9 a firm voice3 ,y told u to    
treat ! d9n] z we w\ld ! enemy1 & y "k1 
,g5]al1 :at we c't kill we capture4     
#ie4 ,a ,,spee* ,,f ,,! ,,re> ,,plat=m  
,an ,iri% /reet-c> conductor call$ out  
%rilly to ! pass5g]s /&+ 9 ! aisle3  ,w 
?im 9 front plaze to move up1 s t ?im   
beh9d c take ! places ( ?im 9 front1 an'
 lave room = ?im :o are nay!r 9 front   
nor beh9d8   #if4 ,a ,,way ,,out ,,( ,,x
  ,:at's ! matt] ) y1 ask$ a g5tleman ( 
a fri5d :om he met4 ,y look$ puzzl$ &   

worri$4  ,i am1 said ! fri5d4 ,maybe y c
 help me out  ,well1 :at is x8  ,i am   
subject at int]vals1 said ! fri5d1 to ! 
wilde/ crav+ = beef/eak & onions4 ,x has
 all ! *>act]i/ics ( a confirm$         
drunk>d's crav+ = rum4 ,?is desire came 
^u me a few m9utes ago1 & ,i det]m9$ to 
gratify x4 ,!n sudd5ly ,i rememb]$ t ,i 
_h promis$ to call ?is ev5+ on "s       
ladies1 & ,i mu/ keep t promise4 ,yet my
 /oma* is %\t+ = beef/eak & onions1 & ,i
 am wav]+ betwe5 duty & appetite4  ,c't 
y wait until aft] ! call8 ask$ !        
g5tleman1 solicit\sly4  ,nev]1 said !   
fri5d1 e>ne/ly4  ,c't y po/pone ! call8 
,impossible1 decl>$ ! fri5d4  ,well1    
said ! g5tleman1 ,i'll tell y :at to d3 
g to ,john ,*amb]l9's caf2 ord] y\r     
beef/eak & onions1 & eat !m4 ,:5 y get  
y\r bill x w be s big t x w q take y\r  
brea? away4   #ig4 ,,! ,,ext5t ,,(      
,,sci5ce  ,& n[1 said ! le>n$ lectur] on
 geology :o _h address$ a small b deeply
 att5tive audi5ce at ! village hall1 ,i 
h tri$ to make ^! problems1 ab/ruse z !y

 may appe>1 & involv+ 9 _! solution !   
be/ ?\ghts1 ! close/ analysis1 & ! mo/  
pr(\nd inve/igations ( our noble/       
sci5tific m5 = _m ye>s2 ,i h tri$1 ,i   
say1 to make !m seem comp>atively simple
 & easily und]/ood1 9 ! light ( mod]n k4
 ,be=e ,i close ?is lecture ,i %all be  
glad to answ] any que/ions t may occur  
to y z to po9ts t appe> to ne$ cle>+ up 
or t may h be5 ov]look$4  ,!re 0 a      
sil5ce ( a few mom5ts1 & !n an          
anxi\s-look+ man 9 ! re> ( ! hall rose  
up4  ,i w\ld take x z a favor1 he said1 
if y c\ld tell me :e!r sci5ce has       
produc$ z yet any reliable & c]ta9 cure 
= w>ts4   #ih4 ,,:at',s ,,9 ,a ,,"n8    
,"o ( ! manag]s ( a home = de/itute     
color$ *ildr5 tells a funny /ory ab\t ! 
in/itution4 ,%e w5t out !re to see h[   
?+s 7 gett+ along1 & f\nd a y\ng/] z    
black z ! inside ( a coal m9e ti$ to a  
b$-po/1 ) 8 h&s beh9d him4  ,:at is t   
boy ti$ up !re =8 %e dem&$ ( ! att5dant4
  ,= ly+1 ma'am4 ,he is ! wor/i/1 ly+e/ 
nigg] ,i ev] se54  ,:at's 8 "n8  ,george

 ,wa%+ton1 ma'am1 0 ! p>alyz+ reply4    
#ii4 ,,/ill ,,room ,,= ,,rese>*  ,:at is
 ?is new sub/ance ,i he> s mu* ab\t8    
ask$ ! em95t sci5ti/'s wife4  ,:at new  
sub/ance1 my de>8  ,! elem5t 9 ! air t  
has j be5 detect$4  ,oh6 t1 my de>1 he  
answ]$1 beam+ ov] 8 spectacles ) ! good 
nature ( sup]ior wisdom1 is kn[n z      
argon6  ,oh6  ,yes2 its discov]y is "o (
 ! mo/ rem>kable triumphs ( ! age4 ,x   
has revolutioniz$ "s ( ! old !ories1 or 
at lea/ x w revolutionize !m be=e x gets
 ?r\gh4  ,:at is x8  ,x's--er--a--did y 
say1 :at is x8  ,i said t4              
,well--ahem--y see1 we hav5't z yet     
discov]$ mu* ab\t x except its "n4      
#ajj4 ,,he ,,0 ',,piscopal  ,an         
,episcopal cl]gyman pass+ 8 vacation 9  
,indiana met an old f>m] :o decl>$ t he 
0 a ',piscopal4  ,to :at p>i% d y       
belong8 ask$ ! cl]gyman4  ,don't "k     
naw?9' 'b\t enny p>i%1 0 ! answ]4       
,well1 !n1 cont9u$ ! cl]gyman1 :at      
diocese d y belong to8  ,!y a9't naw?9' 
l t 'r\nd "h1 said ! f>m]4  ,:o confirm$

 y1 !n8 0 ! next "q4  ,nobody1 answ]$ ! 
f>m]4  ,!n h[ are y an ,episcopalian8   
ask$ ! cl]gyman4  ,well1 0 ! reply1 y   
see x's ?is way3 ,la/ w9t] ,i w5t d[n to
 ,arkansas visit9'1 & :ile ,i 0 !re ,i  
w5t to *ur*1 & x 0 call$ ',piscopal1 &  
,i he'rd !m say 't !y left undone ! ?+s 
:at !y'd ought] done & !y _h done "s ?+s
 :at !y ought5 done1' & ,i says to      
myself1 says ,i3 ',t's my fix exac'ly1 &
 ev] s9ce ,i consid]$ myself a          
',piscopalian4  ,! cl]gyman %ook ! old  
fell['s h&1 & laugh+ly said3  ,n[ ,i    
und]/&1 my fri5d1 :y ! memb]%ip ( our   
*ur* is s l>ge4   #aja4 ,,johnny',s     
,,excuse  ,a little girl br\ght a note  
to h] s*ool-tea*] "o morn+1 :i* read z  
foll[s4 ,de> tea*]1 please excuse       
,johnny = n com+ to s*ool today4 ,he is 
dead4 ,johnny 0 excus$4