,the ,works of the ,rev4 ,john ,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,punctuation has been standardized4 ,most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for easier reading4 ,the author has used an asterisk 7997 to indicate passages he considers most worthy of attention4 ,the text is very inconsistent in its usage of quotation marks4 ,the transcriber has attempted to make their use consistent throughout this work for improved readability4 ,characters in small caps have been replaced by all caps4 ,non-printable characteristics have been given the following ,italic text3 -- text ,this book was written in a period when many words had not become standardized in their spelling4 ,words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in the text4 ,these have been left unchanged unless indicated with a ,transcriber's ,note4 ,footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,transcriber's ,notes are used when making corrections to the text or to provide additional information for the modern reader4 ,these notes are identified by symbols in the text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,,the ,,works ,,of ,,the ,rev4 ,,john ,,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,late ,fellow of ,lincoln-,college1 ,,oxford4 ,,volume ,,xiii4 ,,bristol3 ,printed by ,,william ,,pine1 in ,wine-,street4 ,,mdcclxxii4 ,,the ,,contents ,of the ,,thirteenth ,,volume4 ,letters written by ,mr4 ,brainerd ,an ,extract from ,miss ,mary ,gilbert's ,journal ,an ,extract from ,elizabeth ,harper's ,journal ,a short ,account of ,ann ,johnson ,a short ,account of ,ann ,rogers ,a short ,account of ,mary ,langson ,a short ,account of ,hannah ,richardson ,a ,letter to the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley1 by a ,gentlewoman ,an ,extract of ,mrs4 ,l99999999's ,letters ,,letters ,,written ,,by ,mr4 ,,brainerd4 ,to his brother ,john1 then a student at ,yale-,college in ,new-,haven4 ,kaunaumeek1 ,april #cj1 #agdc4 ,dear ,brother1 99,i ,,should tell you1 8,i long to see you10 but that my own experience has taught me1 there is no happiness to be enjoyed in earthly friends1 though ever so near and dear1 or any other enjoyment that is not ,god himself4 ,therefore1 if the ,god of all grace would be pleased graciously to afford us each his presence and grace1 that we may perform the work1 and endure the trials he calls us to1 in a tiresome wilderness1 till we arrive at our journey's end2 the distance at which we are held from each other at present1 is a matter of no great moment4,but alas6 the presence of ,god is what ,i want4,i live in the most lonely melancholy desert1 about eighteen miles from ,albany4 ,i board with a poor ,scotchman3 his wife can talk scarce a word of ,english4 ,my diet consists mostly of hasty-pudding1 boiled corn1 and bread baked in the ashes4 ,my lodging is a little straw1 laid upon some boards1 a little way from the ground2 for it is a log-room1 without any floor1 that ,i lodge in4 ,my work is exceeding hard3 ,i travel on foot a mile and half1 the worst of way1 almost daily1 and back again2 for ,i live so far from my ,indians4,i have not seen an ,english person this month4,these and many other circumstances as uncomfortable1 attend me2 and my spiritual conflicts and distresses so far exceed all these that ,i scarce think of them4 ,the ,lord grant that ,i may be enabled 8to endure hardness1 as a good soldier of ,jesus ,christ60 ,as to my success here ,i cannot say much3 the ,indians seem generally well disposed towards me1 and are mostly very attentive to my instructions3 two or three are under some convictions2 but there seems to be little of the special workings of the divine ,spirit among them yet2 which gives me many a heart-sinking hour4 ,sometimes ,i hope ,god has abundant blessings in store for them and me2 but at other times ,i am so overwhelmed with distress1 that ,i cannot see how his dealings with me are consistent with covenant love and faithfulness1 and ,i say 8surely his tender mercies are clean gone for ever40 ,but however1 ,i see1 ,i needed all this chastisement already3 8it is good for me10 that ,i have endured these trials4 ,do not be discouraged by my distresses3 ,i was under great distress1 at ,mr4 ,pomroys1 when ,i saw you last2 but 8,god has been with me of a truth10 since that4 ,but let us always remember1 that we must through much tribulation enter into ,god's eternal kingdom4 ,the righteous are scarcely saved3 it is an infinite wonder1 that we have hopes of being saved at all4 ,for my part1 ,i feel the most vile of any creature living2 and ,i am sure1 there is not such another existing on this side hell4,now all you can do for me1 is1 to pray incessantly1 that ,god would make me humble1 holy1 resigned1 and heavenly minded1 by all my trials48,be strong in the ,lord1 and in the power of his might40 ,let us run1 wrestle1 and fight1 that we may obtain the prize1 and obtain that compleat happiness1 to be 8holy1 as ,god is holy40 ,so wishing and praying that you may advance in learning and grace1 and be fit for special service for ,god1 ,i remain ,your affectionate ,brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 duplicate word 8and0 removed 99 99 99 99 99 ,to his ,brother ,john1 at ,yale-college in ,new-,haven4 ,kaunaumeek1 ,december #bg1 #agdc4 ,dear ,brother1 ,i ,,long to see you1 and know how you fare in your journey through the world of sorrow1 where we are compassed about with 8vanity1 confusion1 and vexation of spirit40 ,i am more weary of life than ever ,i was4 ,the whole world appears to me like a vast empty space1 whence nothing desirable1 or at least satisfactory1 can possibly be derived1 and long daily to die more and more to it2 even though ,i obtain not that comfort from spiritual things which ,i earnestly desire4 ,worldly pleasures1 such as flow from greatness1 riches1 honours1 and sensual gratifications1 are infinitely worse than none4 ,may the ,lord deliver us more and more from these vanities6 ,i have spent most of the fall and winter in a very weak state of body2 and sometimes under pressing inward trials1 but 8having obtained help from ,god1 ,i continue to this day20 and am now something better in health4 ,i find nothing more conducive to a life of ,christianity1 than a diligent and faithful improvement of precious time4 ,let us then faithfully perform that business1 which is alloted us by divine ,providence to the utmost of our bodily strength and mental vigour4 ,why should we sink with any particular trials1 we are called to encounter in the world8 ,death and eternity are just before us2 a few tossing billows more will waft us to the world of spirits1 and we hope 7through infinite grace7 into endless pleasures4 ,let us then 8run with patience the race that is set before us40 ,and ,oh that we could depend more upon the living ,god1 and less upon our own wisdom and strength6 ,dear brother1 may the ,god of all grace comfort your heart1 and succeed your studies1 and make you an instrument of good to his people4 ,this is the instant prayer of ,your affectionate ,brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 8where0 replaced with 8whence0 per ,errata 99 99 99 99 99 ,to his ,brother ,israel1 at ,haddam4 ,kaunaumeek1 ,january #ba1 #agdcd4 ,my dear ,brother1 ,,there is but one thing1 that deserves our highest care2 and that is1 that we may answer the great end1 for which we were made1 viz4 to glorify that ,god1 who has given us our beings and all our comforts1 and do all the good we possibly can to our fellow-creatures3 and verily life is not worth the having1 if it be not employed for this noble end4 ,yet1 alas1 how little is this thought of8 ,most men love to live to themselves1 without regard to the glory of ,god1 or the good of their fellow creatures3 they earnestly desire1 and eagerly pursue the riches1 honours1 and pleasures of life1 as if they really supposed that wealth1 or greatness1 or merriment1 could make their immortal souls happy4 ,but1 alas1 what false and delusive dreams are these6 ,and how miserable will those ere long be1 who are not awaked out of them1 to see1 that all their happiness consists in living to ,god1 and becoming 8holy1 as he is holy60 ,oh1 may you never fall into the tempers and vanities1 the sensuality and folly of the present world6 ,you are left1 as it were1 alone in a wide world1 to act for yourself2 be sure then to remember1 it is a world of temptation4 ,you have no earthly parents to form your youth to piety1 by their examples and seasonable counsels2 let this excite you with great fervency to look up to the ,father of mercies for assistance against all the vanities of the world4 ,and if you would glorify ,god1 and make your own soul happy in this and the coming world1 observe these few directions2 though not from a father1 yet from a brother who is touched with a tender concern for your present and future happiness4 ,and1 99,first1 ,resolve upon1 and daily endeavour to practise a life of seriousness4 ,think of the life of ,christ2 and when you can find that he was pleased with jesting1 then you may indulge it in yourself4 ,again1 ,be careful to make a good improvement of precious time4 ,when you cease from labour1 fill up your time in reading1 meditation1 and prayer3 and while your hands are labouring1 let your heart be employed1 as much as possible in divine thoughts4 ,further1 ,take heed that you faithfully perform the business you have to do in the world1 from a regard to the command of ,god4 ,we should always look upon ourselves as ,god's servants1 placed in ,god's world to do his work2 and accordingly labour faithfully for him2 not with a design to grow rich and great1 but to glorify ,god1 and do all the good we possibly can4 99,again1 ,never expect happiness from the world4 ,if you hope for happiness in the world1 hope for it from ,god1 and not from the world4 ,do not think you shall be more happy1 if you live to such or such a state of life1 if you live to be for yourself1 to be settled in the world1 or if you should gain an estate in it3 but look upon it that you shall then be happy1 when you can be constantly employed for ,god1 and not for yourself2 and desire to live in this world1 only to do and suffer what ,god allots to you4 ,when you can be of the spirit and temper of angels1 who are willing to come down into this lower world1 to perform what ,god commands them1 though their desires are heavenly1 and not set on earthly things1 then you will be of that temper that you ought to have4 ,once more1 ,never think that you can live to ,god by your own strength2 but always look to1 and rely on him for assistance1 yea1 for all strength and grace4 ,there is no greater truth than this1 that 8we can do nothing of ourselves20 yet nothing but our own experience can effectually teach it to us4 ,indeed we are a long time in learning1 that all our strength and salvation is in ,god4 ,this is a life1 that no unconverted man can live2 yet it is a life that every godly soul is pressing after4 ,let it then be your great concern to devote yourself and your all to ,god4 ,i long to see you1 that ,i may say much more to you than ,i now can1 but ,i desire to commit you to the ,father of mercies1 and ,god of all grace2 praying that you may be directed safely through an evil world1 to ,god's heavenly kingdom4 ,i am your affectionate loving brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to a special ,friend4 ,the ,forks of ,delaware1 ,july #ca1 #agdd4 99,,certainly the greatest1 the noblest pleasure of intelligent creatures must result from their acquaintance with the blessed ,god1 and with their own immortal souls4 ,and ,oh1 how divinely sweet is it1 to look into our own souls1 when we can find all our passions united and engaged in pursuit of ,god1 our whole souls passionately breathing after a conformity to him1 and the full enjoyment of him6 ,verily there are no hours pass away with so much pleasure1 as those that are spent in communing with ,god and our own hearts4 ,oh1 how sweet is a spirit of devotion1 a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity1 a spirit of gospel simplicity1 love1 tenderness6 ,oh1 how desirable1 and how profitable to the ,christian life1 is a spirit of holy watchfulness1 and godly jealousy over ourselves2 when we are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall offend the blessed ,god1 whom we apprehend1 to be a father and a friend2 whom we love and long to please6 ,surely this is a temper1 worthy of the highest ambition and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures4 ,oh1 how vastly superior is the peace1 and satisfaction derived from these divine frames1 to that which we pursue in things impertinent and trifling6 ,our own bitter experience teaches us1 that 8in the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful10 and there is no true satisfaction but in ,god4 ,but1 alas6 how shall we obtain and retain this sweet spirit of religion8 ,let us follow the apostle's direction1 ,philippians ii4 #ab4 and labour upon the encouragement he there mentions1 for it is ,god only can afford us favour2 and he will be sought1 and it is fit we should wait upon him for so rich a mercy4 ,oh1 may the ,god of all grace afford us the influences of his ,spirit3 and help us that we may from our hearts esteem it our greatest liberty and happiness1 that 8whether we live1 we may live to the ,lord1 or whether we die1 we may die to the ,lord30 that in life and death1 we may be his6 ,i am in a very poor state of health3 but through divine goodness1 ,i am not discontented3 ,i bless ,god for this retirement2 ,i never was more thankful for any thing1 than ,i have been of late for the necessity ,i am under of self-denial3 99,i love to be a pilgrim and stranger in this wilderness3 it seems most fit for such a poor1 ignorant1 worthless creature as ,i4 ,i would not change my present mission for any other business in the whole world4 ,i may tell you freely1 ,god has of late given me great freedom and fervency in prayer when ,i have been so weak and feeble1 my nature seemed as if it would speedily dissolve4 ,i feel as if my all was lost1 and ,i was undone1 if the poor ,heathen be not converted4 ,i feel different from what ,i did when ,i saw you last1 more crucified to all the enjoyments of life4 ,it would be very refreshing to me1 to see you here in this desert2 especially in my weak disconsolate hours3 but1 ,i could be content never to see you1 or any of my friends again in this world1 if ,god would bless my labours to the conversion of the poor ,indians4 ,i have much that ,i could willingly communicate to you1 which ,i must omit1 till ,providence gives us leave to see each other4 ,in the mean time1 ,i rest ,your obliged friend and servant1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to his ,brother ,john1 at ,college4 ,crosweeksung1 in ,new-,jersey1 ,december #bh1 #agde4 ,very ,dear ,brother1 ,i ,,am in one continued and uninterrupted hurry2 and divine ,providence throws so much upon me1 that ,i do not see it will ever be otherwise4 ,may ,i 8obtain mercy of ,god to be faithful to the death60 ,i cannot say1 ,i am weary of my hurry2 ,i only want strength and grace to do more for ,god4 ,my dear brother1 ,the ,lord of heaven1 that has carried me through many trials1 bless you2 bless you for time and eternity2 and fit you to do service for him in his church below1 and to enjoy his blissful presence in his church triumphant4 ,my brother2 8the time is short30 ,oh let us fill it up for ,god2 let us count the sufferings of this present time as nothing1 if we can but 8finish our course with joy40 ,oh1 let us strive to live to ,god4 ,i bless the ,lord1 ,i have nothing to do with earth1 but only to labour honestly in it for ,god1 till ,i shall 8accomplish as an hireling my day40 ,i do not desire to live one minute for any thing that earth can afford4 ,oh1 that ,i could live for none but ,god1 till my dying moment6 ,i am your affectionate brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to his ,brother ,israel1 at ,college1 written a few ,months before his ,death4 ,boston1 ,june #cj1 #agdg4 ,my dear brother1 ,,it is from the sides of eternity ,i now address you4 ,i am heartily sorry1 that ,i have so little strength to write what ,i long to communicate to you4 ,but let me tell you1 my brother1 eternity is another thing than we ordinarily take it to be4 ,oh1 how vast and boundless6 ,oh1 how fixed and unalterable6 ,oh1 of what infinite importance is it1 that we be prepared for eternity6 ,i have been just dying for more than a week2 and all around me have thought so3 in this time ,i have had clear views of eternity3 have seen the blessedness of the godly2 and have longed to share their happy state2 as well as been comfortably satisfied1 that ,i shall do so2 but ,oh1 what anguish is raised in my mind1 to think of an eternity for those who are ,christless1 for those who bring their false hopes to the grave with them6 ,the sight was so dreadful1 ,i could by no means bear it3 my thoughts recoiled1 and ,i said1 8,who can dwell with everlasting burnings60 ,oh1 methought1 that ,i could now see my friends1 that ,i might warn them1 to see to it1 they lay their foundation for eternity sure4 ,and you my dear brother1 ,i have been particularly concerned for2 and have wondered ,i so much neglected conversing with you about your spiritual state at our last meeting4 ,oh1 let me beseech you now to examine1 whether you are indeed a new creature8 ,whether the glory of ,god has ever been the highest concern with you8 ,whether you have ever been reconciled to all the perfections of ,god8 ,in a word1 whether ,god has been your portion1 and a holy conformity to him your chief delight8 ,if you have reason to think you are graceless1 ,oh1 give yourself no rest1 till ,god arise and save4 ,but if the case should be otherwise1 bless ,god for his grace1 and press after holiness4 ,oh1 my dear brother1 flee fleshly lusts1 and the inchanting amusements1 as well as corrupt doctrines of the present day2 and strive to live to ,god4 ,take this as the last line from ,your affectionate dying brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to a young ,gentleman1 a ,candidate for the ,ministry1 written at the same time4 ,very dear ,sir1 ,,how amazing it is1 that the living who know they must die1 should notwithstanding 8put far away the evil day10 in a season of health and prosperity3 and live at such an awful distance from the grave1 and the great concerns beyond it6 ,and especially1 that any whose minds have been divinely enlightened1 to behold the important things of eternity should live in this manner4 ,and yet1 how frequently is this the case8 99,how rare are the instances of those who live and act1 from day to-day1 as on the verge of eternity2 striving to fill up all their remaining moments1 in the service of their great ,master8 ,we insensibly trifle away time1 while we seem to have enough of it2 and are so strangely amused1 as in a great measure to lose a sense of the holiness1 necessary to prepare us to be inhabitants of the heavenly paradise4 ,but1 ,oh1 dear ,sir1 a dying bed1 if we enjoy our reason1 will give another view of things4 ,i have now1 far more than three weeks1 lain under the greatest weakness2 the greater part of the time1 expecting daily and hourly to enter into the eternal world4 ,and ,oh1 of what vast importance has a holy1 spiritual life1 appeared to me to be in this season6 ,i have longed to call upon all my friends1 to make it their business to live to ,god2 and especially all that are designed for1 or engaged in the service of the sanctuary4 ,o dear ,sir1 do not think it enough1 to live at the rate of common ,christians4 ,alas1 to how little purpose do they often converse1 when they meet together6 ,the visits1 even of those who are called ,christians indeed1 are frequently quite barren2 and conscience cannot but condemn us for the misemployment of time1 while we have been conversant with them4 ,but the way to enjoy the divine presence1 and be fitted for his service1 is to live a life of great devotion and constant self-dedication to him2 observing the motions and dispositions of our own hearts1 whence we may learn the corruptions that lodge there1 and our constant need of help from ,god for the performance of the least duty4 ,and ,oh1 dear ,sir1 let me beseech you frequently to attend the great and precious duties of secret fasting and prayer4 8enlightend0 replaced with 8enlightened0 8frequent0 replaced with 8frequently0 per ,errata ,oh labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for ,god4 ,suffer me to entreat you earnestly to 8give yourself to prayer1 to reading and meditation0 on divine truths3 strive to penetrate to the bottom of them1 and never be content with a superficial knowledge4 ,by this means1 your thoughts will grow weighty and judicious2 and you thereby will be possessed of a valuable treasure1 out of which you may produce 8things new and old10 to the glory of ,god4 ,and now1 8,i commend you to the grace of ,god20 earnestly desiring1 that a plentiful portion of the divine ,spirit may rest upon you2 that you may live to ,god in every capacity1 and that you may be richly qualified for the 8inheritance of the saints in light40 ,i scarce expect to see your face any more in the body2 and therefore intreat you to accept this as the last token of love1 from ,your sincerely affectionate dying friend1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to his ,brother ,john1 at ,bethel1 the ,town of ,christian ,indians in ,new-,jersey1 written at ,boston1 not long before his death4 8before0 replaced with 8not long before0 per ,errata ,dear ,brother1 99,i ,,am now just on the verge of eternity1 expecting very speedily to appear in the unseen world4 ,i feel myself no more an inhabitant on earth1 and sometimes earnestly long to 8depart and be with ,christ40 ,i bless ,god1 he has for some years given me an abiding conviction1 that it is impossible for any rational creature to enjoy true happiness without being entirely 8devoted to him40 ,under the influence of this conviction ,i have in some measure acted3 ,oh that ,i had done more so6 ,i saw both the excellency and necessity of holiness2 but never in such a manner as now1 when ,i am just brought to the sides of the grave4 ,oh1 my brother1 pursue after holiness3 press towards the blessed mark2 and let your thirsty soul continually say1 8,i shall never be sanctified till ,i awake in thy likeness40 ,and now1 my dear brother1 as ,i must press you to pursue after personal holiness1 to be as much in fasting and prayer as your health will allow1 and to live above the rate of common ,christians3 so ,i must intreat you to attend to your public work2 labour to distinguish between true and false religion2 and to that end1 watch the motions of ,god's ,spirit upon your own heart2 look to him for help1 and impartially compare your experiences with his word4 ,charge my people in the name of their dying minister1 yea1 in the name of him who was dead and is alive1 to live and walk as becomes the gospel4 ,tell them1 how great the expectations of ,god and his people are from them1 and how awfully they will wound ,god's cause1 if they fall into vice3 as well as fatally prejudice other poor ,indians4 99,always insist1 that their joys are delusive1 although they may have been rapt up into the third heavens1 unless the main tenor of their lives be spiritual1 watchful and holy4 ,in pressing these things1 8thou shalt both save thyself1 and those that hear thee40 ,god knows1 ,i was heartily willing to have served him longer in the work of the ministry1 although it had still been attended with all the labours and hardships of past years1 if he had seen fit3 but as his will appears otherwise1 ,i can with the utmost freedom say1 8,the will of the ,lord be done40 ,it affects me1 to think of leaving you in a world of sin3 my heart pities you1 that those storms and tempests are yet before you1 which through grace ,i am almost delivered from4 ,but 8,god lives1 and blessed be my rock30 he is the same ,almighty friend2 and will1 ,i trust1 be your guide and helper1 as he has been mine4 ,and now1 my dear brother1 8,i commend you to ,god and to the word of his grace1 which is able to build you up1 and give you an inheritance among all them that are sanctified40 ,may you enjoy the divine presence1 both in private and public2 and may 8the arms of your hands be made strong1 by the right hand of the mighty ,god of ,jacob60 ,which are the passionate desires and prayers of ,your affectionate dying brother1 ,,david ,,brainerd4 ,,some ,reflections and ,observations ,,on ,,the ,preceding ,memoirs of ,mr4 ,,brainerd4 ,i4 ,,we have here an opportunity1 in a very lively instance1 to see the nature of true religion2 and the manner of its operation when exemplified in a high degree4 ,particularly it may be observed4 #a4 ,how greatly ,mr4 ,brainerd's religion differed from that of some who1 depending on something past1 settle in a cold1 careless1 and carnal frame of mind1 and in a neglect of thorough1 earnest religion4 ,although his convictions and conversion were exceeding clear1 yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he had got through his work1 when once he had obtained satisfaction of his interest in ,christ8 ,on the contrary1 this was with him but the beginning of his work1 his entering on the great business1 his first setting out in his race4 ,his obtaining rest in ,christ1 after earnest striving to enter in at the strait gate1 he did not look upon as putting an end to any further occasion for striving and violence in religion3 but these were continued1 and maintained constantly1 through all changes1 to the very end of life4 ,he continued pressing forward1 forgeting the things that were behind1 and reaching forth towards the things that were before4 ,his pains and earnestness in religion were rather increased than diminished1 after he had received satisfaction concerning the safety of his state4 ,love to ,god1 and longings after holiness1 were more effectual to engage him to pains and activity1 than fear of hell had been before4 ,and as his conversion was not the end of his work1 or of his diligence in religion2 so neither was it the end of the work of the ,spirit of ,god on his heart2 but rather the beginning2 the first dawning of the light1 which thenceforward increased more and more2 the beginning of his holy affections1 his sorrow for sin1 his love to ,god1 his rejoicing in ,christ1 his longings after holiness4 ,and the powerful operations of the ,spirit of ,god herein1 were carried on1 from the day of his conversion1 to his dying day4 ,his religious experiences1 his admiration1 joy1 and praise1 did not only hold for a few days1 weeks1 or months2 and then gradually die away1 till they came to leave him without any sensible experience of holy and divine affections1 for months together2 as it is with many1 who soon come to that pass1 that it is again with them much as it is used to be before their conversion1 with respect to any present views of ,god's glory1 or ardent out-goings of their souls after divine objects2 but only now and then they have a comfortable reflection on times past2 and so rest easy1 thinking all well2 they have had a good clear work1 and they doubt not but they shall go to heaven when they die4 ,how far otherwise was it with ,mr4 ,brainerd6 ,his experiences1 instead of dying away1 were evidently of an increasing nature4 ,his first love1 and other holy affections1 even at the beginning were very great2 but after months and years1 became much greater1 and more remarkable2 and the exercises of his mind continued exceeding great1 7though not equally so at all times7 without remissness1 and without dwindling away1 even till his decease4 ,they began in a time of general deadness1 and were greatly increased in the general reviving of religion4 ,and when a general deadness returned1 his experiences were still kept up in their height1 and so continued in a general course wherever he was1 in sickness and in health1 living and dying4 ,the change that was wrought in him at his conversion1 was agreeable to scripture1 a great change1 and an abiding change1 rendering him a new creature3 not only a change as to comfort2 and a transient change1 consisting in passing affections2 but a change of nature1 a change of the abiding temper of his mind4 ,not a partial change1 in opinion1 or outward reformation1 much less a change from one error to another2 but an universal change1 both internal1 and external1 from the habits of sin1 to universal holiness4 99,it appears plainly1 from his conversion to his death1 that the great object of the new appetites given him1 and thenceforward maintained and increased in his heart1 was ,,holiness1 conformity to ,god1 living to ,god1 and glorifying him4 ,this was what drew his heart2 this was the center of his soul2 this was the ocean to which all his religious affections tended3 this was the object which engaged his eager desires and earnest pursuits3 he knew no true happiness1 but this3 this was what he longed for most vehemently and constantly on earth2 and this was with him the beauty and blessedness of heaven1 to be perfectly holy1 and perfectly exercised in the holy employments of heaven2 to glorify ,god1 and enjoy him for ever4 99,his religious affections were attended with evangelical humiliation2 consisting in a sense of his own insufficiency1 and despicableness4 ,how deeply affected was he almost continually with his great defects in religion2 with his vast distance from that spirituality that became him2 with his ignorance1 deadness1 unsteadiness1 barrenness8 ,he was not only affected with the remembrance of his former sinfulness1 but with the sense of his present vileness4 ,he was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as before ,god2 but among men1 and compared with them4 ,he was apt to think other saints better than he2 yea1 to look upon himself as the least of saints2 yea1 the vilest and worst of mankind1 ,and notwithstanding his great attainments in spiritual knowledge1 yet we find there is scarce any thing he is more frequently abased with1 than his ignorance4 8think of other0 replaced with 8think other0 per ,errata 99,how eminently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet spirit1 resembling the lamb-like1 dove-like ,spirit of ,christ6 ,how full of love1 meekness1 quietness1 forgiveness1 and mercy6 ,his love was not fondness for a party1 but universal2 often exercised to his greatest opposers and enemies4 ,his love and meekness were effectual in expensive and painful deeds of kindness2 readily confessing faults under the greatest trials1 and humbling himself even at the feet of those from whom he had suffered most3 and from time to time praying for his enemies1 abhorring the thoughts of bitterness and resentment towards them4 ,i scarce knew where to look for a parallel instance of self-denial1 in these respects1 in the present age4 ,he was a person of great zeal2 but how did he abhor a bitter zeal1 and lament it where he saw it6 ,and though he was once drawn into some degrees of it1 by the force of example2 yet how did he go about with a heart bruised and broken in pieces for it all his life after6 ,of how soft and tender a spirit was he6 ,how far were his experiences1 hopes1 and joys1 from a tendency to lessen conviction and tenderness of conscience1 to cause him to be less affected with present and past sins1 and less conscientious with respect to future sins1 more easy in the neglect of duties that are troublesome1 less apt to be alarmed at his own defects1 and more easily induced to a compliance with carnal appetites6 ,on the contrary1 how tender was his conscience6 how apt was his heart to smite him6 how greatly was he alarmed at the appearance of evil6 how great and constant was his jealousy over his own heart6 how strict his care and watchfulness against sin6 how deep and sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience6 ,those evils that are generally accounted small1 were almost an insupportable burden to him2 such as his inward deficiencies1 his having no more love to ,god1 any slackness or dulness1 any unsteadiness1 or wandering1 how did the consideration of such things as these abase him1 and fill him with shame and confusion6 ,his love and hope1 though they cast out a servile fear of hell1 yet were attended with1 and promoted a reverential filial fear of ,god1 a dread of sin1 and of ,god's holy displeasure4 ,his assurance and comfort promoted and maintained mourning for sin3 holy mourning with him1 was not only the work of an hour or a day1 at his first conversion2 but he was a mourner for sin all his days4 ,he did not1 after he received forgiveness1 forget his past sins1 committed before his conversion2 but the remembrance of them from time to time1 filled his heart with renewed grief3 and how lastingly did the sins committed after his conversion1 affect and break his heart6 ,if he did any thing whereby he thought he had dishonoured ,god1 he had never done with calling it to mind with sorrow3 though he was assured that ,god had forgiven it1 yet he never forgave himself4 ,his religion was not like a blazing meteor1 flying through the firmament with a bright train1 and then quickly going out2 but like the steady lights of heaven1 that are constant principles of light1 though sometimes hid with clouds4 ,nor like a land-flood1 which flows far and wide1 bearing down all afore it1 and then dried up2 but like a stream fed by living springs2 which though sometimes diminished1 yet is a constant stream4 99,mr4 ,brainerd's comforts were not like those of some other persons1 which are attended with a spiritual satiety1 and put an end to their religious longings1 at least to the ardency of them4 ,on the contrary1 how were they always attended with longings and thirstings after greater degrees of conformity to ,god6 ,and the greater and sweeter his comforts were1 the more vehement were his desires after holiness4 ,for his longings were not so much after joyful discoveries of ,god's love2 as after greater spirituality1 an heart more engaged for ,god1 to love and exalt1 and depend upon him2 an ability better to serve him1 to do more for his glory4 ,and his desires were powerful and effectual1 to animate him to the eager pursuit of these things4 ,his comforts never put an end to his seeking after ,god1 but greatly enlarged him therein4 ,his religion did not consist only in experience1 without practice4 ,all his comforts had a direct tendency to practice2 and this1 not merely a practice negatively good1 but a practice positively holy1 in a serious1 devout1 humble1 meek1 charitable1 and beneficent conversation3 making the service of ,god1 the business of life1 which he pursued with the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his days4 ,,iii4 ,the foregoing account shews1 that there is indeed such a thing as true experimental religion1 arising from immediate divine influences1 supernaturally enlightening and convincing the mind1 and powerfully quickening1 sanctifying1 and governing the heart2 which religion is indeed of happy tendency1 and of no hurtful consequence to human society2 notwithstanding there have been many pretences to experimental religion1 that have proved to be nothing but enthusiasm4 point ,,ii4 not indicated in text ,if any insist1 that ,mr4 ,brainerd's religion was enthusiasm1 ,i would ask1 if such things as these are the fruits of enthusiasm1 viz4 honesty and simplicity1 sincere and earnest desires and endeavours1 to know and do whatever is right1 and to avoid every thing that is wrong2 love to ,god1 placing the happiness of life in him2 not only in contemplating him1 but in being active in pleasing1 and serving him2 a firm belief in the ,messiah1 as the ,saviour of the world2 together with great love to him1 and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom2 resignation to the will of ,god1 under all trials2 benevolence to mankind1 reaching all persons without distinction1 manifested in sweetness of speech and behaviour1 mercy1 liberality1 and earnest seeking the good of the souls and bodies of men2 attended with extraordinary humility1 meekness1 forgiveness of injuries1 and love to enemies2 a modest1 and decent deportment1 among superiors1 inferiors1 and equals3 a diligent improvement of time1 and earnest care to lose no part of it2 great watchfulness against all sorts of sin1 of heart1 speech1 and action2 and the foregoing amiable virtues all ending in a marvellous peace1 unmoveable calmness1 and resignation1 in the sensible approaches of death3 ,i say1 if all these things are enthusiasm1 that enthusiasm is a desirable and excellent thing4 8serve0 replaced with 8serving0 per ,errata 8sin0 replaced with 8of sin0 per ,errata ,and whereas there are many that are not professed opposers of experimental religion1 who yet doubt of it1 from the bad lives of some professors2 and are ready to determine there is nothing in all the talk about being born again1 because that many that pretend to it1 manifest no abiding alteration in their disposition and behaviour2 are as careless1 carnal1 or covetous as ever2 yea1 perhaps much worse than ever3 it is acknowledged1 that this is the case with some2 but they may see it is not so with all4 ,there are some indisputable instances of such a change1 a 8renovation of the spirit of the mind10 and a 8walking in newness of life40 ,in the foregoing instance particularly1 they may see the abiding influence of such a work of conversion2 the fruits of such experience through a course of years2 under a great variety of circumstances1 and the blessed event of it in life and death4 ,,iv4 ,is there not much in the preceding memoirs to teach and excite to duty1 us who are called to the work of the ministry8 ,what a deep sense had he of the importance of that work1 and with what weight did it lie on his mind8 ,how sensible was he of his own insufficiency for this work3 and how great was his dependence on ,god's sufficiency6 ,how solicitous1 that he might be fitted for it6 ,and to this end how much time did he spend in prayer and fasting1 as well as reading and meditation2 giving himself to these things6 ,how did he dedicate his whole life1 all his powers and talents to ,god and renounce the world1 with all its ensnaring enjoyments1 that he might be wholly at liberty to serve ,christ in this work2 and to please him who had chosen him to be his soldier4 ,with what solicitude1 solemnity1 and diligence did he devote himself to ,god our ,saviour1 and1 seek his presence and blessing1 at the time of his ordination6 ,and how was his whole heart constantly engaged1 his whole time employed1 his whole strength spent in the business he then undertook6,and his history shews us the right way to success in the work of the ministry4 ,he sought it as a resolute soldier seeks victory1 in a siege or battle1 or as a man that runs a race for a prize4 ,animated with love to ,christ and souls1 how did he 8labour always fervently10 not only in word and doctrine1 in public and private1 but in prayers day and night1 8wrestling with ,god0 in secret1 and 8travailing in birth10 with unutterable groans1 8until1 ,christ were formed0 in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent6 ,how did he thirst for a blessing on his ministry2 and 8watch for souls as one that must give account60 ,how did he go forth in the strength of the ,lord ,god2 depending on a special influence of the ,spirit6 ,and what was the happy fruit at last1 though after long waiting1 and many discouraging appearances6 ,like a true son of ,jacob1 he persevered in wrestling until the breaking of the day4 ,v4 ,the foregoing account may instruct ,christians in general2 as it shews in many respects1 the right way of practising religion1 in order to obtain the ends of it2 or how ,christians should 8run the race set before them10 if they would adorn their profession1 be serviceable to mankind1 have the comforts of religion while they live1 be free from disquieting doubts2 enjoy peace in the approach of death1 and 8finish their course with joy40,in general he much recommended1 for this purpose1 the redemption of time1 and great diligence in watchfulness4 99,and his example1 with regard to one duty in special1 may be of great use to both ministers and private ,christians3 ,i mean the duty of secret fasting4 ,the reader has seen how much ,mr4 ,brainerd recommends this duty1 how frequently he exercised himself in it2 and of what great benefit it evidently was to his soul4 ,among all the days he spent in secret fasting and prayer1 there is scarce an instance of one1 but what was attended with a remarkable blessing4,but it must be observed1 that when he set about this duty1 he did it in good earnest3 8stirring up himself to take hold of ,god10 and 8continuing instant in prayer10 with much of the spirit of ,jacob1 who said to the angel4 8,i will not let thee go1 except thou bless me40 ,,vi4 ,one thing more may be observed in the preceding account1 the remarkable disposal of divine ,providence1 with respect to the circumstances of his last sickness and death4 8di-divine0 replaced with 8divine0 ,though he had long been infirm1 his constitution being broken by fatigues and hardships2 and though he was often brought very low by illness1 yet his life was preserved1 till he had seen that which he had so greatly desired1 a glorious work of grace among the ,indians4 ,and though it was the pleasure of ,god1 that he should be taken off from his labours among that people1 who were so dear to him2 yet this was not before they were well instructed in the ,christian religion1 confirmed in the ,christian faith and manners1 formed into a church2 brought into a way with respect to the education of children2 collected in a town by themselves1 on a good piece of land of their own2 and introduced into the way of husbandry4 ,these things were just brought to pass by his indefatigable application1 and then he was taken off from his work4 ,if this had been but a little sooner1 they would by no means have been prepared for such a dispensation3 and it probably would have been more hurt to their spiritual interest1 and to the cause of ,christianity among them4 8more0 replaced with 8more hurt0 per ,errata 8and of0 replaced with 8and to0 per ,errata ,the time and circumstances of his illness were so ordered1 that he had just opportunity to finish his journal4 ,a foundation was hereby laid for a concern in others for that cause1 and proper care and measures to be taken for the maintaining it after his death4 ,as it has actually proved to be of great benefit in this respect2 it having excited many in those parts1 and also more distant parts of ,america1 to exert themselves for the promoting so glorious a work1 remarkably opening their hearts and hands3 and not only in ,america1 but in ,great-,britain1 where that ,journal has been an occasion of some large benefactions1 made for the promoting the interest of ,christianity among the ,indians4 ,he was not taken off from the work of the ministry among his people1 till his brother was in a capacity to succeed him3 who succeeds him in the like spirit1 and under whose prudent and faithful care his congregation has flourished1 and been very happy1 since he left them2 and probably could not have been so well provided for otherwise4 ,if ,mr4 ,brainerd had been disabled sooner1 his brother would not have been ready to stand up in his place2 having taken his first degrees at college1 but about that time that he was seized with this fatal consumption4 ,though in that winter that he lay sick at ,mr4 ,dickinson's in ,elisabeth-,town1 he continued1 for a long time in an extreme low state1 so that sometimes it was hardly expected he would live a day to an end2 yet his life was spared awhile longer2 he lived to see his brother arrive in ,new-,jersey1 being come to succeed him in the care of his ,indians3 and he himself had opportunity to assist in his examination and introduction into his business3 and to commit the conduct of his dear people to one whom he well knew1 and could use freedom with in giving him particular instructions1 and under whose care he could leave his congregation with great chearfulness4 8succed0 replaced with 8succeed0 ,the providence of ,god was remarkable in so ordering it1 that before his death he should take a journey to ,boston2 which was of very happy consequence to the interest of religion1 and especially among his own people4 ,by this means1 as has been observed1 he was brought into acquaintance with many persons of note and influence1 ministers1 and others1 belonging both to the town and various parts of the country2 and had opportunity under the best advantages1 to bear a testimony for ,god and true religion4 ,the providence of ,god was observable in his going to ,boston at a time when not only the honourable commissioners were seeking missionaries1 to the ,six ,nations1 but just after his journal1 which gives an account of his labours and success among the ,indians1 had been spread at ,boston2 whereby his name was known1 and the minds of serious people were well prepared to receive him1 and the testimony he gave for ,god2 to exert themselves for upholding the interest of religion among his congregation1 and among the ,indians elsewhere2 and to regard his judgment concerning the qualifications of missionaries4 ,if he had gone there the fall before1 7when he had intended it1 but was prevented by a sudden increase of his illness7 it would not have been to so good effect2 and also if he had not been unexpectedly detained in ,boston4 ,when he went from my house he intended to make but a very short stay there2 but divine ,providence by his being brought so low there1 detained him long3 thereby to make way for the fulfilling its own gracious designs4 ,thus1 although it was the pleasure of ,god1 that he should be taken away from his congregation2 yet it was granted to him that before he died he should see them well provided for every way3 he saw them provided for with one to instruct them1 and take care of their souls2 his own brother whom he could confide in2 he saw a good foundation laid for the support of the school among them3 those things that before were wanting1 being supplied2 and he had also opportunity to leave all his dying charges1 with his successor in the care of his people1 and by him to send his dying counsels to them4 99,another thing1 wherein appears the merciful disposal of ,providence1 was that he did not die in the wilderness1 among the savages at ,kaunaumeek1 or the ,forks of ,delaware1 or at ,susquahannah3 but in a place where his dying behaviour might be observed1 and some account given for the benefit of survivors3 and also where care might be taken of him in his sickness1 and proper honours done him at his death4 99,i would not conclude my observations on the merciful circumstances of ,mr4 ,brainerd's death1 without acknowledging with thankfulness1 the gracious dispensation of ,providence to me and my family in so ordering1 that he 7though the ordinary place of his abode was more than two hundred miles distant7 should be cast to my house1 in his last sickness1 and should die here3 so that we had opportunity for much conversation with him1 and to shew him kindness in such circumstances1 and to see his dying behaviour1 to hear his dying speeches1 to receive his dying counsels1 and to have the benefit of his dying prayers4 ,may ,god in infinite mercy grant1 that we may ever retain a proper remembrance of these things1 and make a due improvement of the advantages we have had6 ,the ,lord grant also1 that the foregoing account may be for the spiritual benefit of all that read it1 and prove a happy means of promoting true religion in the world4 ,amen4 duplicate word 8the0 removed ,an ,,extract of ,miss ,mary ,gilbert's ,,journal4 ,,to ,,the ,,reader4 #a4 ,,among the innumerable novelties which have appeared in the world1 within half a century1 ,i do not remember to have seen the experience of a child written by herself4 ,herein much variety is not to be expected1 nor any art or ornament at all3 as she set down from time to time1 merely for her own use1 just what occurred between ,god and her own soul4 ,but on this very account1 persons of understanding will set the greater value upon it3 because it contains only genuine ,christian experience1 painted in its native colours4 #b4 ,the reflections occasionally interspersed1 are always just1 frequently strong and affecting3 particularly those on death1 or the shortness of life1 especially from the mouth of a child4 ,and the language wherein they are expressed1 altho' plain and altogether unstudied1 is yet pure and terse in the highest degree1 yea frequently elegant3 such as the most polite either of our lawyers or divines would not easily alter for the better4 ,such language ,i hardly know where to find1 unless in the almost inimitable letters of ,jane ,cooper3 between whom and ,miss ,gilbert there was a remarkable resemblance1 both in sentiment and expression4 ,and had it pleased the all-wise ,disposer of all things1 to give her a few more years on earth1 and an increase of grace in proportion to her years1 she would have been another ,jane ,cooper4 ,,john ,,wesley4 ,liverpool1 ,april #gth1 #agfh4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a short ,,account of ,miss ,,mary ,,gilbert4 ,,the ensuing account it is hoped may animate those who are in the morning of life1 to a due improvement of their time1 in remembering their ,,creator in the days of their youth2 so that they may offer him the first fruits of those precious moments1 in which they are probationers for an awful eternity3 and which when past1 whether they have been employed in the important task or not1 are irrecoverably gone4 8talk0 replaced with 8task0 per ,errata ,if it has this happy effect1 the desired end will be fully answered1 which is1 that ,god's grace and saving power may be manifested1 in additional instances1 both of living and dying witnesses4 ,miss ,mary ,gilbert1 was the eldest daughter of ,nathaniel ,gilbert1 of the island of ,antigua1 ,esq2 by his wife ,elizabeth1 both persons of good families and eminent piety1 whose chief study it was to train up their children in the knowledge of ,god and his ways1 according to the established religion of the church of ,england4 ,she was born in the same island on the #bhth of ,february1 #agea1 under the happy circumstance of having parents1 who as they were wanting in no act of care and tenderness to their offspring1 so took care in particular to make them like young ,timothy1 acquainted from their infancy with the holy scriptures4 ,in the earliest dawn of reason she discovered an extraordinary capacity and uncommon understanding2 a great willingness to learn2 and a desire of being instructed1 which often occasioned her to ask the most pertinent questions4 ,such a genius was observed by her parents with much gratitude1 to him who is the author and dispenser of every good and perfect gift4 ,her natural disposition was a mixture of good and evil4 ,she was a strict observer of truth1 which appeared to arise from a nobleness of mind1 which made her incapable of those meannesses from whence the vice of falshood springs4 ,but as every flower in nature's garden1 however blooming needs improving1 so did this principle in her2 for as it was productive of some virtues1 so it no less occasioned the greatest blemishes in her temper2 such as high-spiritedness1 pride and self-will2 which notwithstanding the shining example of her parents1 and their care to restrain1 would1 while she was very young often gain an ascendency4 ,in the year #ageg1 her father and mother made a voyage to ,england1 7bringing this daughter and their other children with them7 entirely upon a religious account1 and in order to enjoy the company of some who were esteemed persons of remarkable piety and extensive usefulness1 and with them to partake of those sacred privileges1 with which their native island was not yet favoured4 ,during their residence in ,england1 she shewed the greatest delight in reading religious books1 and in receiving the instruction of serious ,christians1 who were frequently entertained at her father's house4 ,so that what was recorded of the royal psalmist1 might be asserted of her1 ,all her delight was in the saints upon earth4 ,her father's affairs calling him back to ,antigua1 he1 with his family left ,england1 in the beginning of the year #agei1 taking with them a person whose sentiments and abilities they approved of1 to whose care they committed the education of their children1 for whom their daughter ,mary soon contracted a very tender affection2 far from shunning the company of one that was to correct her faults1 and whose presence must restrain the little levities of childhood4 ,she for these very reasons1 delighted in being constantly confined with her1 even in those hours which she might have spent at play with her sisters4 ,these seasons she employed in improving her mind1 and having the liberty of retiring into a closet within her governess's chamber1 she would continue in it for a long time every day reading1 praying1 and meditating1 and her remarks upon what she read1 were often just1 and instructive4 ,as soon as she had learned to write1 she seldom failed noting down whatever appeared useful in any author she read2 and having a very retentive memory1 she stored it with scripture truths1 so that many of her relatives and others1 were greatly surprised at her readiness in repeating1 and finding out almost any text in those sacred pages4 ,she likewise wrote several books of well collected texts1 in proof of some of the fundamental doctrines of the church of ,england1 such as1 ,the fallen state of man1 the necessity of repentance1 of the new birth1 and of holiness4 ,before she was twelve years of age1 she corresponded with some persons in ,england1 and her letters were much admired2 tho' as she grew older1 her stile greatly improved1 so that she had acquired both an easy and elegant manner of addressing different persons1 and upon various occasions1 tho' religion was her constant theme3 herein1 as in other instances1 endeavouring to redeem as much as possible the golden moments of her contracted span4 ,thus she gently and profitably passed five years of her pilgrimage1 without variation1 and exempt from vicissitudes under her parents roof1 till in the year #agfd1 they thought it most for her advantage to send her to ,england1 to finish her education4 ,here she arrived the #bhth of ,may that year3 from that time boarding with an aunt1 and being under the care of the same tutoress1 who had before gone with her to ,antigua4 ,this separation from the best of parents1 could not but prove an afflictive circumstance to one of her great sensibility1 and who was a most dutiful and affectionate child2 but this was alleviated by the pleasing hopes they gave her1 that they themselves would soon come and reside in ,england1 a thought which as it enabled her chearfully to bear their absence1 so it animated her to a more than ordinary improvement of time1 in order to render them the utmost satisfaction1 when she should have the happiness of being restored to them2 a period1 which she often mentioned with the greatest delight2 but which the infinitely wise disposer of events saw right never to indulge her with4 ,it was with great pleasure that we observed1 as her years increased1 her good understanding1 and the power of religion entirely prevailed over those tempers1 which have before been mentioned1 so that she became1 every day more amiable1 and was more endeared to all that knew her4 ,on the first of ,january #agfe1 she began to keep a diary1 chiefly consisting of the ,lord's dealings with her soul4 ,this will give a juster conception of her understanding in the way of godliness1 of her improvement of time1 and the propriety of her sentiments on many occasions1 than any thing that could be said upon the subject4 ,she was one of those happy few1 who are not afraid of being singularly pious1 and was deeply convinced that the service of ,god is no impediment to1 but the greatest augmentation of true happiness1 in every period and circumstance of life4 ,she had learned to disdain the follies of the world1 always chusing plainness and neatness in dress1 rather than gaiety and extravagance1 and preferring an hour's solitude1 spent in communing with her own heart1 or in searching the word of ,god1 before all those trifling amusements1 which so much engross the attention1 and waste the time of the generality of persons of all ages4 ,thus though young in years1 she contemplated her latter end1 and applied her heart unto true wisdom1 and is now reaping the vast advantage in a blest eternity4 ,she was so exercised in the needful duty of self-inspection1 as to discern the imperfection of her best performances1 and utterly to disclaim every other hope of obtaining the divine favour than that built on the sure foundation1 ,jesus ,christ and him crucified4 ,an interest in his atoning blood1 was what she sincerely sought after2 being truly sensible of the necessity of being born again1 before we can enter into the kingdom of heaven4 ,she thought the time long ere she was admitted into the glorious liberty of the children of ,god2 and would greatly deplore her own instability1 levity1 and want of earnestness1 to which she attributed her ,lord's delay2 but these things tho' felt by her tender and enlightened conscience1 did not appear to others4 ,and the ,lord was not slack concerning his promise1 as her following experience proved1 when he came suddenly to the temple of her heart1 never to leave her more4 ,some weeks before her last sickness she told a friend1 that she had been greatly led out in the meditation of death1 that she formerly considered it as very dreadful1 but had of late seen it in a different view3 so that if it would please ,god to finish his work in her soul1 she could be content1 young as she was1 to give up all that were dear below1 in hope of receiving them again in that eternal day4 ,a few days before her disorder seized her1 being asked by a friend1 concerning the state of her soul1 she said1 8she had a confidence that ,god would not long with-hold the blessing1 that she soon should know his pardoning love1 and1 that she was patiently waiting upon him40 ,as soon as she was taken ill1 7which was on the #ajth of ,january1 #agfh17 she was asked how she found her mind8 ,she replied1 8,quite composed1 that she believed the ,lord had visited her in love1 and that whether it terminated in life1 or death1 it would be greatly to her advantage40 ,during the whole time of her illness not a doubt seemed to disturb her1 nor did she ever lose her stedfast hope1 that if she was taken1 the ,lord would perfect his work in her soul4 ,she was also endued with a constant spirit of prayer1 and to all around behaved with the utmost patience and meekness4 ,she seldom complained1 and declared she had not a murmuring thought1 tho' she appeared to suffer exquisitely2 her disorder being a putrid fever1 with a sore throat1 which mortified some days before her dissolution3 it was likewise attended with a deafness that encreased gradually1 till at last there was no conversing with her4 ,she was also deprived very early of speech1 which as she retained her senses1 rendered her situation very trying1 as well as deprived her friends of that profit and satisfaction1 which might otherwise have been expected4 ,but on ,thursday the #adth1 7before the disease had made so great a progress1 tho' even then her speech was thick1 and her hearing dull7 she desired the whole family1 would come and pray with her1 and to some of her friends made this good confession3 that she had found ,christ1 that she loved ,god1 knowing that he had first loved her1 that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die2 and that she experienced unspeakable1 and till now1 unknown happiness4 ,from this time she spoke but little1 except about two days afterwards1 when she said to one who desired her to speak to her1 that she was perfectly resigned to the divine will2 this she uttered with difficulty1 and could add no more4 ,but tho' her lips were thus closed to all below1 it was evident1 her heart was open to ,god in prayer1 which was discernable from the frequent lifting up of her hands and eyes with great devotion2 in this posture she sweetly yielded up her spirit on the #bast instant1 at the age of near #ag years4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,,extract from her ,,journal4 ,,tuesday1 ,january #ast1 #agfe1 when ,i awoke in the morning1 ,i found my heart raised in thankfulness to ,god for his mercies1 in bringing me to the beginning of another year2 and found my soul much in the same frame all the day4 99,o6 may this year be spent more to the glory of my ,almighty ,maker and ,preserver1 than the last has been3 and may every thought1 word and work1 tend to this glorious end4 ,wednesday #b1 ,i found a blessing while dressing1 but lost it by giving way to levity2 yet the merciful ,lord restored it to me in the evening3 blessed be his name4 ,thursday #c4 ,i found my soul in a dead1 dull frame1 with a great disinclination to duty1 which ,i did not yield to1 and tho' ,i found no immediate blessing1 yet ,i doubt not1 but the ,lord was pleased with my endeavours to wait upon him4 ,friday #d4 ,i awoke with some degree of comfort1 and had my thoughts stayed on the things of ,god4 ,i found a desire1 while ,i heard the book of martyrs read1 of being like them2 but could not submit to die for the truth as they did2 it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood3 yet ,i trust was the ,lord to call me to it1 he would give me strength to bear it4 ,saturday #e4 ,i spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends in ,antigua1 for whom ,i find the most tender affection4 ,o6 that we may all at length meet around the throne1 and stand at the last day among the sheep at his right hand6 8,o that each in the day ,of his coming1 might say1 ,i have fought my way thro'4 ,i have finished the work thou didst give me to do40 ,sunday #f4 ,in the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind much discomposed4 ,when ,i came up1 ,i read and writ my journal1 and spent the rest of the morning comfortably4 ,in the afternoon ,i read the experience of ,elizabeth ,west4 ,may ,i like the bee suck honey out of every flower1 gather profit out of every book ,i read1 every sermon ,i hear1 and every occurrence in life1 let it seem ever so trifling4 ,the evening text was ,isaiah lviii4 #a4 ,cry aloud and spare not1 c4 ,the preacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours1 and my own conscience convicted me that ,i had done all which he had mentioned1 and more too3 so that were ,i to be tried by works1 ,i could not be saved4 ,monday #g4 ,i found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of the night past4 ,o for a continuance of it6 ,surely had ,i always a deep sense of the innumerable obligations ,i owe to my ,almighty benefactor1 it would keep me from falling into many of those things1 which are so prevalent over me4 ,lord give me a thankful heart4 ,tuesday #h4 ,i awoke in a serious frame1 but it did not continue long2 for ,i yielded too much to wandering thoughts1 which robbed me of that blessing4 ,lord make me more watchful for the future6 ,in the evening my uncle preached a funeral sermon1 on1 ,it is appointed unto men once to die1 c4 ,hebrews ix4 #bg4 ,my soul was very much blest1 and stirred up to seek the ,lord1 but ,o how soon do my good resolutions die away4 ,they are like the morning cloud1 and the early dew which passeth away4 ,lord strengthen1 and confirm them4 ,wednesday #i4 ,i found my soul in a very dead frame1 and continued so all the day4 ,i may truly say1 8,my drowsy powers why sleep ye so8 ,awake my sluggish soul6 ,nothing has half thy work to do4 ,yet nothing's half so dull40 ,thou ,god of love quicken my drooping powers6 ,stir up and awaken my insensible soul1 and give me to seek thy face with my whole heart6 ,and ,o be thou found of me6 ,thursday #aj4 ,i was very cold and dead all the day1 and found neither power1 nor inclination1 to pray or read1 which ,i yielded to2 and passed the day without performing either of these duties4 ,o my ,god1 pardon my sins of omission1 as well as those of commission4 ,they are both as innumerable as the hairs of my head1 but thy mercies are still more4 ,friday #aa4 ,i was very busy this day with setting my things in order1 which were come from ,london1 and being in a hurry1 my mind was not as stayed as ,i could have wished4 ,o my ,god1 gather in my scattered thoughts1 and let my mind be fixt entire on thee6 ,saturday #ab4 ,i was enabled1 blessed be the ,lord1 to be serious and watchful4 ,in the evening1 ,mr4 ,rodda preached4 ,his text was ,mark xii4 #bd4 ,thou art not far from the kingdom of ,god4 ,i was much blest under the sermon1 and my mind was stayed on what was delivered4 ,sunday #ac4 ,in the evening1 my uncle preached on ,isaiah xxx4 #ba4 ,this is the way1 walk ye in it4 ,i found my thoughts much composed1 but being in great pain1 ,i could not attend1 as much as ,i found myself inclined to do4 ,o how many hindrances have we while below6 ,sometimes from the world1 sometimes from the infirmities of the body2 and very often from a corrupt heart6 ,lord1 do thou arm me with thy ,spirit's might1 and enable me to combat and overcome1 all the enemies of my salvation4 ,monday #ad4 ,our class met at ten as usual1 but my soul was in a very wandering dead frame1 and afterwards ,i was light and trifling2 this is the natural consequence of the other1 if not strove against4 ,tuesday #ae4 ,i was in a very cold indifferent frame all the day4 ,in the evening while my uncle catechised us1 such a spirit of laughter came upon us1 that we could hardly speak4 ,lord deliver us from a light1 trifling spirit1 as also from an unloving1 disputing spirit4 8,mutual love the token be1 ,lord1 that we belong to thee40 ,in the evening my uncle preached on ,hosea xiv4 #a1 #b4 ,my soul was blest especially in singing the last hymn1 in which are these sweet words4 8,he'll never quench the smoking flax1 ,but raise it to a flame3 ,the bruised reed he never breaks1 ,nor scorns the meanest name40 ,wednesday #af4 ,i arose this morning with some degree of recollection and stayedness upon my spirit4 ,it partly continued all the day2 but in the evening1 yielding to levity1 ,i lost it4 ,lord1 give me power over a trifling spirit6 ,give me a continual sense of thy presence6 ,then ,i shall not easily yield to this or any other temptation4 ,i retired and read the #c;d chapter of ,matthew4 ,went to prayer1 and found enlargement in it4 ,thursday #ag4 ,all this day ,i was in a very disagreeable frame1 which ,i cannot well describe4 ,i retired1 read the psalms1 and the #dth of ,matthew4 ,o may ,i like our blessed ,lord when tempted1 answer the tempter with the word of ,god4 ,the text this evening was ,isaiah liv4 #bb4 ,look unto me and be ye saved4 ,my thoughts were very wandering all the time4 ,o when will my mind be constantly fixed on1 and looking to that glorious object of our faith and love6 ,friday #ah4 ,my soul was in a cold dead frame1 and so it continued all the day1 yea all the week4 ,for tho' ,i cannot accuse myself of the omission of any known duty1 yet such a total indifferency ,i have not felt for some time4 ,o that ,god would give me to see the fatal cause1 the accursed thing that keeps my heart from him6 ,saturday #ai4 ,i was much in the same state1 and felt not the least life in any duty till evening4 ,then the ,lord enabled me to pour out my complaints into his compassionate bosom1 with great enlargement4 ,when ,mrs4 ,l4 met me1 ,i told her my state1 she advised me not to let my deadness discourage me1 but still to hold on in the ways of the ,lord1 who perhaps might be proving and trying me to see if ,i would do so or not4 ,this gave me some comfort1 and left me hopes that he would at length come and visit my soul with his salvation4 ,sunday #bj4 ,my uncle's text this evening was ,luke xiii4 #c4 ,i tell ye nay1 but except ye repent1 ye shall all likewise perish4 ,the word came with power to my heart4 ,o ,god1 give me grace that ,i may not prove a forgetful hearer1 but a doer of the word1 that so ,i may be blessed in my deed4 ,monday #ba4 ,i found a desire when ,i awoke to spend the day to the glory of ,god1 and ,i made it my earnest prayer to him that he would enable me to do it4 ,i bless ,god1 that through his grace ,i was serious1 and found my mind stayed on him in some measure4 ,o that ,i may always have a recollected spirit6 ,thou ,lord1 hast promised to keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee4 ,tuesday #bb4 ,my mind was in some measure serious1 but not as much as the day before4 ,the text to-night was ,habakkuk ii4 #d4 ,the just shall live by his faith4 ,my thoughts were much drawn off on account of my being to set the tune1 lest ,i should forget it4 ,o how easily doth the enemy get an advantage over me1 when ,i am not standing upon my guard6 ,lord1 give me a watchful spirit6 ,wednesday #bc4 ,my soul seemed like a barren wilderness1 where nothing but weeds and thorns grow2 nothing but evil did ,i find in my heart4 ,o my ,god1 give me thyself2 then shall this wilderness become like a watered garden which thou hast planted4 ,thursday #bd4 ,i found my mind kept in a serious frame all the day1 blessed be ,god4 ,friday #be4 ,i continued in a serious frame1 which ,i bless ,god1 lasted all the day4 ,o how much sweeter is it to be in such a state1 than to enjoy all that the world calls pleasure6 ,but indeed it is only they who term it so4 ,the people of ,god see there is no pleasure in these foolish things2 for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal soul created for the enjoyment of ,god1 but ,god himself4 ,saturday #bf4 ,i have reason to praise the ,lord1 that ,i found my soul still serious2 this ,i account a great blessing1 especially to me1 who am naturally of such a trifling spirit4 ,monday #bh4 ,when ,i awoke1 my thoughts were still stayed1 and ,i bless ,god1 ,i was in a serious frame all the day4 ,o my soul1 if thou hadst always an awful sense of the divine presence1 thou wouldest be always serious and recollected1 for it is impossible that a soul which considers ,god is present should dare to behave in a trifling manner before his awful majesty4 ,thursday #ca4 ,the evening text was ,matthew xi4 #bh4 ,come unto me all ye that are heavy laden1 c4 ,my mind was taken up with observing a gentleman and lady who were laughing and talking together all the sermon time4 ,lord forgive my sin and lay it not to my charge4 ,friday ,february #a4 ,my mind was much stayed on the things of ,god when ,i awoke and it continued so all the day4 ,saturday #b4 ,my soul was much alive this day1 and ,i was given to see more clearly than ever1 the mystery of iniquity which is in my heart4 ,o thou who searchest and triest the reins of the children of men1 give me to see more and more of the sinfulness of it1 and do thou wash and cleanse it in the blood of ,jesus4 ,monday #d4 ,this morning we experienced ,god's providential care over us2 for the chimney of the little parlour took fire1 and might have done great mischief had it not been discovered in time4 ,thus the ,lord took care of us where we knew of no danger1 and could not take care of ourselves4 8when0 replaced with 8where0 per ,errata ,thursday #g4 ,this day my uncle1 and ,miss ,he sat out hastily for ,bristol1 where my ,aunt ,bly was in great distress1 ,mr4 ,bly having died suddenly1 and left her among strangers1 with whom she was quite unacquainted till within three or four weeks4 ,o how many unforeseen troubles are we liable to1 which are all so many calls to us1 to lay up our heart and treasure above4 8were0 replaced with 8where0 ,sunday #aj4 ,mr4 ,rodda preached on ,matthew iii4 #aj4 ,the discourse1 blessed be ,god1 came with power to my soul4 ,o ,lord give me the hearing ear1 the seeing eye1 and the understanding heart4 ,monday #aa4 ,this morning being to be taken measure off for our mourning1 we were obliged to go out1 which dissipated my thoughts very much4 ,o what a little serves to draw our minds from ,god6 ,but alas they are not so easily drawn off other things2 such enemies are we to ourselves4 ,tuesday #ab4 ,my thoughts were pretty much stayed this day1 and ,i was enabled to resist a temptation not to go to prayer because the weather was cold1 and ,i was unwilling to leave the fire4 ,wednesday #ac4 ,in the evening ,i read ,miss ,cooper's life and letters4 ,then we all joyned in prayer4 ,my soul was blest and enlarged in that duty4 ,when ,i was in bed1 ,i took a review of my past life1 and found reason to humble myself before ,god1 for my unfaithfulness in not making a better use of his many mercies to me4 ,but ,o may ,i now begin and serve and love him all my days4 ,monday #ah1 ,tuesday #ai4 ,my soul was in a serious and yet dead frame these days4 ,o may ,i improve every state ,i am in2 and make the very temptations of the enemy1 serve as weapons to fight against him with4 ,thus shall ,i by throwing his darts back upon his own head1 force him to fly from me4 duplicate word 8as0 removed ,thursday #ba4 ,i was in a comfortable frame of spirit this day4 ,in the evening whilst ,i was conversing with my sisters and cousins upon religion1 ,i found my soul greatly blest2 and ,i was much enlarged afterwards in praying with them1 blessed be ,god4 ,sunday #bd4 ,i finished writing the life of that excellent man1 ,mr4 ,blackerby2 ,o may ,i live his life1 die his death1 and be in the place where doubtless he now is4 ,there ,i shall be free from all impurity1 all sorrow1 all sin1 and be eternally out of the reach of death4 ,monday1 ,tuesday1 and ,wednesday4 ,i was in a serious1 tho' dead frame4 ,lord1 quicken1 strengthen1 and comfort me by thy word1 and spirit4 99,thursday #bh4 ,was my birth-day4 ,i found a desire1 and resolution1 to be more devoted to ,god the ensuing year1 than ,i was the foregoing4 ,o may the ,lord enable me to perform my resolutions4 ,i also found serious reflections on the shortness of life1 and thankfulness to ,god1 for sparing me to see fourteen years4 ,o may ,i let these reflections have their due weight1 and influence on all my conduct for the time to come4 ,and always consider that 8,my life is a dream1 ,my time as a stream1 ,glides swiftly away3 ,and the fugitive moments for no one will stay40 ,lord1 do thou give me so to number my days1 that ,i may apply my heart unto wisdom4 ,saturday1 ,march #b4 ,my uncle returned home1 and with him my aunt ,bly1 whom ,i was much rejoiced to see4 ,saturday #i4 ,this evening poor ,mrs4 ,l1 was taken extreamly ill4 ,it brought many serious reflections to my mind4 ,well may we say1 in the midst of life we are in death4 ,o may ,i always consider this and never yield to levity1 or any thing which is displeasing to a ,god of the strictest purity1 who may strike me dead in a moment2 and since ,i may die this day1 let me spend this and every other as tho' it were my last4 ,sunday #ag4 ,at night as ,i sat by the fire-side1 ,i found my soul blest1 and many serious reflections brought to my mind1 which continued till ,i went to bed4 ,monday #ah4 ,i awoke in much the same state1 and continued so all the day1 blessed be ,god4 ,tuesday #ai4 ,the text this evening was ,john v4 #h4 ,wilt thou be made whole8 ,my heart seemed to reply1 ,yea1 ,lord1 ,i will if thou wilt3 and of this ,i need not doubt2 for thou art always more ready to give1 than ,i am to receive4 ,o that thou would'st ever 8,make me willing to receive1 ,all thy goodness waits to give40 duplicate word 8to0 removed 8woud'st0 replaced with 8would'st0 ,saturday #bc4 ,my soul was much blest1 and my heart raised in thankfulness for the many mercies ,i have received at the hands of my merciful ,god3 at the same time ,i was humbled under a sense of the ungrateful returns ,i have made him4 8,when all the mercies of my ,god ,my rising soul surveys1 ,why1 my cold heart1 art thou not lost1 ,in wonder1 love1 and praise40 ,sunday #bd4 ,mr4 ,murry1 preached from ,numbers xxiii4 #aj4 ,let me die the death of the righteous1 c4 ,o may ,i not only die his death1 but also live his life2 for indeed 'tis impossible to do the former1 unless we first do the latter4 ,saturday #cj4 ,mr4 ,fl1 in the evening preached on ,john xx4 #ai4 ,peace be unto you4 ,tho' ,i was much tempted with drowsiness under the word1 yet some parts of it were greatly blest to me4 ,he afterwards met the society1 and told them1 that in several places both in this round1 and others1 numbers were convinced and brought to ,christ4 ,o may ,i be one6 8,into that happy number1 ,lord1 ,a weary sinner take1 ,jesus1 fulfil thy gracious word1 ,for thy own mercy's sake40 ,sunday #ca4 ,i spent the morning in reading the eight last chapters of ,romans1 and ,mr4 ,wesley's notes upon them4 ,indeed ,i think they are a most beautiful part of the scripture4 ,o that they and every other part of that holy book may be written upon my heart4 ,sunday1 ,april #g4 ,was ,easter-day4 ,i was prevented from hearing the sermon by a violent tooth-ach4 ,o how many pains are we subject to while in this mortal life6 ,but when this mortal shall put on immortality1 what a glorious change shall we undergo8 ,lord1 let this change pass upon me1 and to that end let me now rise from a death of sin unto a life of righteousness4 8,thy resurrection's power impart1 ,and rise triumphant in my heart40 ,thursday #aa4 ,at noon1 we had the pleasure of the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley's company to dinner2 and in the evening he preached on ,jeremiah viii4 #bb4 ,is there no balm in ,gilead1 c4 ,his conversation was very edifying1 and ,god blest it to my poor soul4 ,friday #ab4 ,at five in the morning1 ,mr4 ,wesley preached on ,psalms lxxxiv4 #a4 ,how amiable are thy tabernacles1 ,o ,lord of hosts4 ,at night we took leave of him1 and of my uncle1 aunt1 and ,mrs4 ,l4 ,these at one in the morning set out for ,liverpool1 and he at five for ,newcastle-upon-,tyne4 ,sunday #ad4 ,i found my mind much oppressed with perplexing thoughts concerning my dear parents4 ,but why1 ,o my soul1 dost thou suffer these anxious cares to oppress thy troubled breast8 ,is not the ,god who gave me these tender parents at liberty to take them from me8 ,and is he not able to raise me up friends in their room8 ,besides1 this is caring for the morrow4 ,is it not time enough to make myself uneasy when the trial comes1 without anticipating what may never be8 ,then1 ,o my soul1 trust thou in ,god3 for he will be the help of my countenance1 and my ,god4 ,saturday #bj4 ,i was all this day in a fretful frame1 which ,i too much yielded to4 ,o ,god1 give me power over this1 and every other easily besetting sin4 ,sunday #ba4 ,i read a letter of ,miss ,bts to ,mr4 ,wesley1 concerning the manner of her bringing up the poor children that she has taken4 ,in which ,i could not help observing the power of faith4 ,how has she surmounted every difficulty that stood in her way4 ,o may ,i like her live by faith1 till ,i shall go to live 8,where faith is sweetly lost in sight1 ,and hope in full supream delight1 ,and everlasting love40 ,monday #bb4 ,expecting our friends home from ,liverpool1 ,miss ,he1 and ,i sat up to receive them2 about twelve at night they came very much fatigued4 ,they informed us of a narrow escape they had met with2 the coach they were in was overturned with six people in it1 and some on the outside3 yet not one was hurt4 ,surely the providence of ,god was over them for good4 ,i soon got to bed sleepy enough1 and when asleep1 ,i dreamt a very particular dream3 99,i thought ,mrs4 ,l bid my cousin ,a1 and me look out at a window1 and we should see an angel1 who would tell us comfortable news4 ,we did1 and after some time we saw a bright star1 which grew brighter and brighter1 till an angel appeared exceedingly beautiful and majestic4 ,as he came nearer ,i was quite overwhelmed at his presence1 and could scarce look at him1 his lustre so dazzled my eyes4 ,when he approached me1 ,i thought ,i faintly uttered these words2 8,speak1 ,lord1 thy servant heareth40 ,at this he said1 8,the ,lord has sent me to tell you1 that all your sins are forgiven1 and will never be remembered against you any more1 unless you fall again into sin4 ,he has blotted out your transgressions1 and cast them behind his back40 ,i immediately said1 ,how can these things be8 ,can ,i1 who am so great a sinner1 and have never truly repented be forgiven8 ,he answered2 8,with ,god nothing is impossible4 ,continue waiting upon ,god in his appointed way1 and you will soon find the truth of these promises30 ,he spoke much to me concerning my unbelief1 and then suddenly disappeared1 leaving me quite overwhelmed1 but much comforted4 ,o that my dream may be shortly fulfilled4 ,saturday #bg4 ,i was in a very cold dead frame all the day1 and when ,i retired to prayer in the evening1 ,i found no life1 but still ,i had the blessing of waiting upon ,god1 and an earnest desire and panting in my soul for faith1 tho' ,i could not utter a word4 ,lord1 let me never rest till ,i get this pearl of great price into my possession2 then shall ,i be truly happy1 and not till then4 ,sunday1 ,may #e4 ,my uncle met the society1 and informed them of his being to leave them soon4 ,the sorrow that sat on every countenance would have drawn tears from any ones eyes1 who could in the least sympathize with another's grief4 ,o ,lord what is man6 ,how various1 how unforeseen1 often are the changes of this short life6 ,lord1 prepare me for whatever thou hast in thy wisdom prepared for me4 ,monday #f4 ,we were in a great hurry in packing up all the day1 and at night sat up till twelve o'clock4 ,having a violent cold1 ,i was quite disordered all the next day1 so as not to be able to read or pray1 or do any thing else as ,i would4 ,o how does this corruptible body press down the soul6 ,but when it shall escape from this prison of clay1 and wing its way to the mansions of eternal joy2 how will it exult in the glorious change1 and rejoice in being delivered from this dungeon which has so long clogged it with its manifold infirmities6 ,thursday #i4 ,in the afternoon we went with ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,wh to the old castle on the top of the hill1 where it seems ,lady ,catherine ,parr1 the last wife of ,king ,henry the ,,viii4 was born4 ,indeed it is a venerable ruin1 and strongly shews what all worldly grandeur must come to4 ,o that ,i and all that are near and dear to me1 may never desire such fading transitory enjoyments6 ,but may we seek for and obtain a house not made with hands1 eternal in the heavens4 8,jerusalem1 the saint's abode1 ,whose founder is the living ,god40 ,monday #ac4 ,i bless ,god1 ,i found my soul in a very serious frame this day1 having a measure of the spirit of prayer4 ,o may it always continue6 99,in the afternoon we took a walk to the mount1 which was thrown up to batter down the old castle on the top of the hill4 ,it was delightfully pleasant to see all the green fields and the little lonely houses that stand there4 ,i could have liked to stay there all the afternoon1 the weather was so calm and serene1 and all nature seemed lively and sprightly4 ,o was my soul but illuminated by the ,sun of ,righteousness as this earth is by the material sun6 ,how happy1 how unspeakably happy1 would it be in the possession of such a blessing6 8,if this felicity were mine1 ,i every other would resign1 ,with just and holy scorn3 ,chearful and blithe my way pursue1 ,and with the promised land in view1 ,singing to ,god return40 ,tuesday #ad4 ,i found my soul in a serious frame all the day long1 blessed be ,god who kept me so4 ,thursday #af4 ,i found my soul alive4 ,my uncle's text was ,god is love4 #a ,john xvi4 #d4 ,friday #ag4 ,i still continued in some measure blest4 ,lord increase the spark and let it grow into a flame6 ,saturday #ah4 ,i was much tempted to levity1 which ,i gave way to4 ,but while ,mr4 ,ck was preaching in the evening from these words1 ,o ,israel thou hast destroyed thyself3 but in me is thine help4 ,hosea xiii4 #i4 ,my soul was much refreshed1 and afterwards ,i was enabled to watch against every thing that might deprive me of it1 so that ,i lay down1 and rose with it again the next morning1 all thanks be ascribed to ,god1 for had ,i been left to myself1 ,i should undoubtedly have lost it immediately4 ,sunday #ai4 ,i awoke in the same watchful spirit1 and an eager desire for faith1 which ,i was enabled to pray for with great earnestness4 ,monday #bj4 ,i yielded so much to levity1 that it was with difficulty ,i forced myself to duty1 and when ,i did1 ,i was quite cold and dead1 and my thoughts were wandering on some foolish thing or other4 ,o ,god deliver me from a trifling spirit4 ,tuesday #ba4 ,i found myself thoughtful and serious in the morning1 but in the afternoon ,i was overcome by levity4 ,o how soon am ,i drawn off what is good8 ,but how difficult do ,i find it to prevail with myself to forsake the evil8 ,for often when the ,lord shews me the error of my ways1 though for the present ,i feel sorrow and regret1 yet the next temptation that offers finds me ready to comply with it2 and this doubtless ,i should always do1 did not ,god in that moment step in and hinder me by his restraining grace2 such a propensity have ,i to do that which grieves my ,god and wounds my own conscience4 ,saturday #be4 ,in the evening ,i retired1 and entering into a strict self-examination1 ,i found ,i must own with the royal ,psalmist1 my inward parts are very wickedness4 ,i saw clearly that ,i had broken every commandment1 therefore were ,i to be tried by the law of works ,i must eternally perish4 ,i must come with the ,publican1 crying1 ,god be merciful to me a sinner4 ,how truly might ,i say1 8,no good word1 or work1 or thought1 ,have ,i to buy thy grace1 ,mercy ,i accept unbought1 ,thy profer ,i embrace40 99,sunday #bf4 ,in the afternoon we went to ,mrs4 ,cs to see the corpse of her daughter4 ,i was not at all shocked at the sight1 but it brought many serious reflections to my mind4 ,how is she who not many months ago was in all the bloom and vigour of youth1 cut down like a flower6 ,so1 just so1 thought ,i1 must ,i shortly be3 ,i must die1 be stretched in a coffin1 and laid in the silent grave1 and shortly it will be forgot even by my nearest and dearest friends1 that there was ever such a person4 ,o may this awful thought never be absent from my mind6 ,how will it lessen my esteem for all these perishing enjoyments6 ,how will it make me spend every precious moment1 in preparation for a never-ending eternity6 ,may the ,lord grant that when death comes1 he may not appear as a king of terrors1 but like a welcome messenger sent to carry me to my ,father's house4 ,sunday ,june #b4 ,in the evening my uncle preached his farwell sermon on ,acts xx4 #bg4 ,i have not shunned to declare unto you the whole counsel of ,god4 ,he repeated briefly the doctrine which he had taught them1 and exhorted them to take heed1 least the word should rise up in judgement against them in the last day4 ,o may it not against me6 ,for alas as yet ,i have been a barren fig-tree4 ,well may ,i say1 8,long have ,i sat beneath the sound ,of thy salvation ,lord1 ,but still how weak my faith is found1 ,and knowledge of thy word40 ,lord let it be no longer so with me1 but may ,i now bear fruit to thy glory4 ,tuesday #d4 ,we were called up at half an hour after one1 and at a quarter past two1 set out on our journey to ,chester4 ,when we came near ,lancaster1 our coachman had like twice to have overturned us4 ,at seven we breakfasted there1 at one dined at ,preston1 and at nine in the evening reached ,mr4 ,as house in ,warrington4 ,we soon got to bed truly fatigued1 and ,i slept till six in the morning without ever waking1 or moving out of the posture ,i lay myself in when ,i went to bed4 ,about eight on ,wednesday morning1 we set out again1 and had a delightful journey the rest of the way to ,chester1 where we arrived about noon4 ,in the afternoon we took a walk round the walls4 ,you have here an extensive prospect of a fine open country1 far unlike the barren ,kendal mountains4 ,we then walked to the dock1 and from thence to the preaching-house4 ,mr4 ,gd preached on ,matthew ix4 #bb4 ,daughter be of good comfort1 c4 ,i found my soul humbled under a sense of my own vileness1 and fixed a resolution to set out a fresh in the narrow way of holiness1 if the ,lord will give me strength2 for without he does1 all my resolutions will be in vain4 ,sunday #i4 ,mr4 ,gd preached1 met the society and spoke to the children4 ,i found my soul blest4 ,o may it be a lasting blessing1 and not like a guest which tarrieth but a day4 ,monday #aj4 ,in the afternoon we went to see the infirmary4 ,everything is neat and clean about it4 ,i found a thankfulness to ,god1 that he had kept me from all these disorders that others have4 ,o may my life be singularly good1 as he has been so singularly merciful to me4 ,i experience mercies that very few others have2 which it would be almost impossible to enumerate4 ,how few have such parents1 who from my earliest days have instructed me how to fear and love ,god6 ,how many are tortured with broken limbs1 and deprived of their sight1 whilst ,i am preserved from all these1 and kept in health1 strength1 and the full exercise of my reason4 ,many more mercies ,i am indebted for to my gracious ,benefactor2 how truly may ,i say1 8,not more than others ,i deserve1 ,yet ,god hath given me more1 ,for ,i have food whilst others starve1 ,or beg from door to door40 ,thursday #ac4 ,in the afternoon ,i set out with my uncle1 aunt1 ,mrs4 ,l1 and some other friends1 to go to a little village called ,crislington1 about two miles out of the town1 where my uncle was to preach4 ,we had a very pleasant walk1 and went to see the delightfullest1 though oddest contrived garden that ,i ever saw4 ,the owner of it is the ,rector of that place1 but one would think by the manner of his laying it out1 that he had very little else to think of4 ,some part of it represents a field of battle1 a general's tent1 with cannons all round it1 a mount1 a tower1 a draw-bridge1 and every thing to resemble a camp of soldiers4 ,the other parts of the garden are laid out in the same peculiar taste4 ,tuesday #ah4 ,at private prayers in the morning1 ,i had power to pray particularly against my besetting sins1 and blessed be ,god1 ,i do in some measure overcome them4 ,indeed he is a ,god1 both hearing and answering prayer4 ,in the afternoon we had a deal of company1 and they being good singers1 past away the time very agreeably4 ,mr4 ,bt persuaded my aunt1 ,mrs4 ,l1 ,miss ,h and myself to go to his class1 which we did upon his promising not to speak to us4 ,i like his manner much1 and ,i think ,i was profited by it4 ,friday #ba4 ,in the evening ,i went to the chapel2 there was no preaching1 but a private meeting4 ,having been much refreshed1 especially in the singing that hymn ,wrestling ,jacob1 ,i had no reason to repent going4 ,my desires were much enlarged after ,god1 with a hatred to sin4 ,o that ,i may indeed forsake it1 and hate it as deadly poison6 ,sunday #bc4 ,in the morning we went to the new chapel4 ,mr4 ,h opened it1 his text was in #b ,chronicles vi4 #da4 ,let thy ,priests ,o ,lord ,god1 be cloathed with salvation1 and let thy saints rejoice in goodness4 ,he concluded with saying1 that as ,god had given us a more convenient place to worship him in1 we ought in gratitude to let our lives and conversations be more exemplary than ever before4 ,monday #bd1 and ,tuesday #be4 ,i spent most part of these days in retirement1 my mind was much composed1 and my thoughts stayed on the things of ,god4 ,wednesday #bf4 ,this afternoon we came to our own house4 ,i spent the evening in a little room by myself4 ,i found enlargement in prayer1 and my soul much blest4 ,thursday #bg4 ,when ,i retired in the morning to private prayer1 ,i experienced great power and sweetness in the duty4 ,my mind was kept in a serious frame1 till ,i went out of my chamber1 when ,i gave way to fretting4 ,o how many temptations are we liable to6 ,and while we endeavour to shun one1 we often fall into another4 ,when ,i avoid levity1 ,i too often fall into fretting4 ,we have need to have the wisdom of the serpent with the harmlessness of the dove4 ,friday #bh1 and ,saturday #bi4 ,were spent comfortably4 ,i had great sweetness in prayer1 and much of the spirit of it4 ,sunday #cj4 ,i tasted the good word of ,god in reading the #aath chapter of the ,hebrews4 ,o how much did those excellent ones of the earth endure for their blessed ,master1 while ,i who have every means of encouragement ,i can desire1 7and far more than ,i deserve7 am careless and supine in working out my own salvation4 ,but since thou hast convinced me of my error1 ,o ,lord1 do thou help me to amend it1 and let me now turn to thee1 with all my heart and soul4 ,tuesday1 ,july #b1 and ,wednesday #c4 ,both these days ,i was ill and in violent pain4 ,on ,thursday morning ,i endeavoured to look to ,god1 and was relieved4 ,o how good is he to me1 the unworthiest of his creatures4 ,lord give me a thankful heart4 ,i was hindered going to preaching all this week1 by reason of a violent cold4 ,but if that was sanctified1 ,i have need to be thankful1 and to bless ,god for afflicting me4 ,saturday #bj4 ,tho' ,i was very busy all the morning1 my mind was kept in a serious praying frame4 ,lord make me truly thankful for this mercy6 ,sunday #ba4 ,we went to ,st4 ,john's church4 ,i found my soul blest at the sacrament1 and felt an earnest desire for faith4 ,o may it always continue6 8,lord give me faith20 ,be all my cry2 and he that gives me the desire1 will fulfil it4 ,wednesday #bd4 ,in the evening we went down to my aunt ,bs1 where we parted with my dear friend ,miss ,h4 ,i was much concerned at taking leave1 but ,i comforted myself with the hope of seeing her soon again3 if we should not meet again in this vale of tears1 may we meet where crying1 and pain1 and death are over4 ,tuesday #cj4 ,i was in a lukewarm frame all the day1 but in the evening as my uncle and others were speaking their states to one another1 ,i could scarce help shedding tears1 to think ,i had made so little use of all the means ,i enjoy4 ,when ,i came up to bed1 ,i found a great earnestness for faith1 which ,i prayed for with something of a confidence that ,i should receive1 till unbelief stept in3 then ,i thought ,i had not repented enough1 had not forsaken my sins long enough1 and at last ,i yielded1 rose from my knees1 and lost the blessing which ,i might have received1 had ,i held on4 ,may ,i learn more wisdom for the future1 and when ,i get such a precious moment1 improve it1 and not so shamefully yield to the enemy of my soul4 ,sunday1 ,august #d4 ,i went to church1 and was much blest1 particularly at the sacrament4 ,friday #af4 ,we had the pleasure of the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley's company to tea1 and in the evening he preached on #b ,corinthians vi4 #b4 ,now is the accepted time3 now is the day of salvation4 ,sunday #ah4 ,in the morning ,mr4 ,wesley preached on ,mark ix4 #bc4 ,my soul was exceedingly blest4 ,he seemed to speak as exactly to my state1 as if ,i had mentioned it to him4 ,he answered every objection that has oftentimes occurred to my mind against believing1 and then gave me encouragement to come to ,christ1 and believe in him4 ,but when ,i came home1 my mind was much hurried1 so that ,i lost the blessing ,i had received4 ,o6 how unfaithful have ,i hitherto been1 to the manifold favours ,god has bestowed on me6 ,lord pardon the past1 and make me more faithful for the future4 ,monday #ai4 ,i was much disordered with a violent cold in my head1 and so ,i continued all ,tuesday and ,wednesday1 that ,i scarce could read1 or pray1 or do any thing else1 as ,i would have done4 ,but praised be ,god1 my mind was kept in a sweet composed frame1 and ,i had much of the spirit of prayer4 ,o the goodness of ,god to me1 the most unworthy of his creatures6 ,me1 who have so often sinned against him6 ,lord write the law of gratitude on my heart6 ,on ,wednesday our class met for the first time4 ,altho' it was something of a cross1 ,i experienced the goodness of ,god4 ,wednesday #bh4 ,in the evening our class met again3 thanks be to ,god1 ,i was in a composed frame1 and had my mind stayed on him2 as indeed it had been all the day1 and all the week4 ,thursday #bi4 ,in the afternoon we went with ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,bt to ,eaton by water1 to see ,lord ,grosvenor's seat4 ,we had a parcel of obstinate men in the boat1 who knew nothing of the sea1 and yet would have their own way1 which rendered what might have been otherwise pleasant1 very disagreeable4 ,the gardens are extremely pleasant1 and far surpass any thing ,i have ever seen4 ,my mind was fixt on ,god1 while ,i was in the boat1 and ,i had such a confidence in him1 that ,i don't know ,i felt fear arise once the whole time4 ,sunday1 ,september #a4 ,at church ,i felt great earnestness for the blessing4 8,author of faith1 to thee ,i lift ,my weary1 longing eyes3 ,o let me now receive that gift1 ,my soul without it dies40 ,wednesday #d4 ,in the evening ,i was very cold and dead4 ,o my ,god1 let me never give way to a lukewarm spirit1 for this of all things1 ,i find hurtful to my soul1 and it too often brings on levity1 which to me is slow poison4 ,it does not appear heinous as some other sins do1 but steals upon me unawares4 ,and when ,i am once down1 it is not an easy matter to rise again4 ,therefore let me be 8,always standing on my guard1 ,and watching unto prayer40 ,monday #i4 ,i was much blest this day1 and my desires after the blessing much quickened2 thanks be to ,god4 ,in the evening we went to chapel1 ,mr4 ,m preached from ,luke vi4 #ai4 ,he is but a young preacher1 yet ,i like him much better than many others1 and some parts of the sermon were blest to me4 ,wednesday #aa4 ,at night while ,i was meeting in class1 my soul was much refreshed1 and ,i thought ,i would not give up that spark1 small as it was1 for all the world's riches4 ,and if the foretaste be so sweet1 ,o what must the full enjoyment be8 ,lord as thou hast given me this desire1 ,o fulfil it6 ,let me never rest1 till ,i am made a joyful partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light4 ,thursday #ab4 ,blessed be ,god my soul was much alive this day also1 and ,i was much quickened under my uncle's preaching in the evening4 ,sunday #ae4 ,this morning ,mr4 ,ms made an exceeding fine discourse upon ,philippians iii4 #g4 ,but what things were gain to me1 those ,i counted loss for ,christ4 ,my soul was much comforted and encouraged1 while he was inviting sinners to come and taste the sweetness that is in ,christ1 and to forsake all those things1 which before we counted gain1 in order to partake of those hidden treasures4 ,monday #ag4 ,i was overcome by a trifling spirit1 and also gave way to wandering thoughts3 for which the ,lord in mercy gave me to feel much remorse4 ,while ,i was at preaching in the evening1 ,he also gave me a fervent desire to look to that ,jesus whom his servant was pointing out to us from ,john iii4 #ad1 #ae4 ,o that ,i may ever look to him1 to heal the wound which sin has made6 8,stung by the scorpion sin2 ,my poor expiring soul10 ,o that ,i could add 8,the balmy sound drank in1 ,and was at once made whole40 ,i staid at the bands as ,i could not go home by myself1 and my aunt chose to stay4 ,i experienced that it was good for me to be there1 for my soul was exceedingly blest4 ,lord make me truly thankful for this1 and all thy other mercies daily conferred upon me1 the chief of sinners4 ,tuesday1 ,october #a4 ,in the evening ,i found my soul quickened under religious conversation1 and continued so all ,wednesday and ,thursday1 having great enlargement in prayer1 and free access to the throne2 blessed be ,god4 ,monday #ad4 ,my mind was in a serious frame most part of this day4 ,in the evening we had a comfortable love-feast1 at which my soul was much comforted1 and found a great wrestling and agonizing for the blessing4 ,saturday #ai4 ,i was rather cold all day1 but glory be to ,god1 ,i had great enlargement in prayer1 especially in the evening4 ,sunday #bj4 ,mr4 ,mr preached on ,matthew v4 #bb1 #bf4 ,agree with thine adversary quickly1 c4 ,he earnestly exhorted and intreated every one to agree with ,god by forsaking their sins and turning to him1 lest he should swear in his wrath1 they should not enter into his rest4 ,the word came with power to my soul1 and ,i felt a resolution never to rest1 till ,i had made my peace with ,god4 ,o may the ,lord confirm it1 or it will be like the morning cloud4 ,monday #ba4 ,i arose this morning with an earnest desire1 and a determination by the grace of ,god to give myself up to him4 ,o may ,i never1 never rest1 till ,i fully rest in him4 ,tuesday #bb4 ,my soul was in a serious frame1 but in the evening ,i gave so much way to an inordinate desire after a foolish thing1 that my mind was quite drawn off from ,god4 ,when ,i went to bed1 ,i was greatly humbled1 and ashamed on account of it1 and ,i trust ,i shall never so yield again to the enemy of my soul4 ,wednesday #cj4 ,i was in a very indifferent state all the day1 but in the evening in class-meeting ,i was much quickened1 and stirred up by a young person's giving an account1 how she found peace the day before in private prayer4 ,i was1 and am still determined by the grace of ,god never to rest till ,i also find him whom my soul desires to love4 ,my soul continued much blest all the evening1 and ,i dropt asleep with earnest desires to be brought into that glorious liberty of the sons of ,god4 ,dearest ,jesus1 how long will it be before thou wilt manifest thyself to me1 as thou dost not unto the world8 ,o come and take up thine abode in my longing heart1 and live and reign in me without a rival4 ,thursday #ca4 ,my soul was greatly blest all this day1 and my heart much drawn out after ,god4 ,i also found enlargement in praying for faith4 ,o thou ,son of ,god1 do thou now impart to me this great and inestimable blessing1 and make me truly happy in thy love4 ,do thou now arise upon my poor soul with healing in thy wings1 and keep me continually4 ,friday1 ,november #a4 ,i still continued in a comfortable frame1 finding a great hunger and thirst for faith4 ,i could truly say from heart-felt experience1 8,thou hast pronounced the mourner blest1 ,and lo for thee ,i ever mourn3 ,i cannot1 no ,i will not rest1 ,till thou my only rest return3 ,till thou the ,prince of peace appear1 ,and ,i receive the ,comforter40 ,saturday #b4 ,i found my soul in a very watchful frame1 from a great concern ,i felt upon my conscience for sin1 and the fear ,i had of falling into a careless lukewarm spirit again4 ,lord do thou always let me retain1 8,a spirit still prepared1 ,and armed with jealous fear1 ,for ever standing on its guard1 ,and watching unto prayer40 ,monday #d4 ,i was overcome in some measure by levity1 but the gracious ,god gave me to feel much remorse for it1 and also encouraged me to trust that he who had shewed me the evils of this1 and all other sins1 would pardon them4 ,saturday #i4 ,my soul was not so lively to-day1 as it was some days ago4 ,when ,i retired to prayer1 ,i felt a great backwardness to it1 which was heightened by a consideration of my own unfaithfulness to ,god4 ,but the thought was immediately checked by this1 if ,i am unfaithful1 will my keeping from him make me more faithful8 ,no surely3 it is the ,lord alone that can impart the blessing of a faithful heart2 then ,i will wait upon him for it1 and he has promised1 ,those that ask shall receive4 ,monday #ah4 ,i was in a serious praying frame4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,m preached on ,john ix4 #be4 ,my soul was exceedingly blest1 and ,i seemed just ready to lay hold on the blessing4 ,how ,i lost it1 ,i am not sensible4 ,sunday #bd4 ,mr4 ,me preached in the morning on1 ,do all to the glory of ,god4 ,when ,i came home and retired1 ,i found some liberty in prayer4 ,o how good is ,god to me1 and how undeserving1 how unfaithful a creature am ,i8 ,lord pardon the past1 and give me strength for the time to come4 ,tuesday1 ,december #c1 and ,wednesday #d4 ,i was rather in a cold frame4 ,o that the ,lord would deliver me from a lukewarm spirit6 ,for ,i find that an inlet to all wrong tempers1 and therefore it must be hurtful to me1 and displeasing to ,god4 ,saturday #g4 ,i was much cast down on account of having yielded to many wrong tempers the day before4 ,in the evening1 ,i went to preaching without the least expectation of a blessing2 however as ,i was under the word1 bemoaning my helpless condition1 the ,lord in a measure comforted and encouraged me to trust in him4 ,indeed ,i am often pained that my pain is over so soon1 and grieved that ,i can grieve no more6 ,sunday #h4 ,in the morning ,mr4 ,m preached on ,romans i4 #ag4 ,for the just shall live by faith4 ,my thoughts were wandering under the word1 and when ,i came home and retired1 ,i found no life nor liberty in prayer4 ,o when shall ,i be enabled to come with boldness to the throne of grace through ,jesus the ,mediator of the new covenant1 and to call him1 my ,lord and my ,god4 ,thursday #ab4 ,my uncle's text was ,proverbs xxiii4 #bc4 ,during the first part1 my mind was pretty much stayed1 but towards the latter end it was much drawn off by a thing which probably may never happen4 ,o for a stayed1 and composed mind in waiting upon ,god6 ,surely it is a great sin to have the mind wandering upon foolish things1 when so immediately in the presence of ,god4 ,saturday #ad4 ,this day1 as well as the day before1 my body was much disordered4 ,in the evening when ,i retired1 ,i was humbled under a sense of past mercies received1 and my own unfaithfulness to ,god4 ,sometimes ,i am all alive1 ,i am so in earnest1 so diligent in the means1 and take such delight in them6 ,then one thing1 or another steps in1 is yielded to1 and deprives me of all my life and earnestness4 ,and though ,i do not neglect the means1 yet how are they hurried over1 and how slightly performed6 ,and indeed ,i am often glad when they are finished4 ,lord1 what is man8 ,what am ,i8 ,what a poor unstable creature6 ,lord1 quicken me6 ,make me more alive1 more in earnest4 ,lord make me1 and keep me1 what ,i ought1 what ,i want to be4 ,saturday #ba4 ,all this week1 ,i have experienced a stayedness of mind1 and a degree of recollection for which ,i desire to be thankful4 ,but alas6 ,i do not find that earnestness1 that hungering and thirsting which ,i did4 ,lord what is the cause8 ,o remove it whatever it be6 ,remove the accursed thing1 which separates between thee and my soul4 ,on ,saturday night1 the ,lord was pleased to shew me the thing which had quenched that earnestness1 and ,i am not sensible that ,i have this week yielded to it4 ,o what a good ,god is ours6 ,he shewed me my sin3 he gave me to feel remorse for it1 and then imparted power to subdue it4 ,lord give me a thankful heart4 ,sunday #bb4 ,this morning ,i was much affected in reading the #aeth verse of the #dth chapter of the ,hebrews4 ,for we have not an high priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities3 for he was in all points tempted like as we are1 yet without sin4 ,o what comfortable words1 especially when the enemy is pouring in floods of temptation upon us2 at such a time how sweet is the meditation upon such words6 ,how comfortable the reflection that our ,god knows1 and not only knows but sympathizes with us in all our afflictions1 distresses1 and temptations2 and will assuredly deliver us out of them6 ,o may this scripture be ever present with my mind1 and may it prove a comfort to me in trials1 while it also hinders me from yielding to my spiritual enemy1 by assuring me that ,jesus is ever able and willing to help me4 ,wednesday #be4 ,i was impressed with a sense of gratitude to ,god for sending his ,son into the world1 to be born of a pure virgin1 and in a mean manger1 and all to rescue me from endless woe4 ,o that my heart may never for one moment1 lose the sense of this great and inestimable blessing4 99,sunday #bi4 ,i was not very well1 and stayed at home with my friend ,miss ,h who was in great affliction for the loss of poor1 or rather happy little ,ned ,h4 ,he died of a scarlet-fever a week ago4 ,o that ,i was as safely landed on the happy shore6 ,but alas6 ,i am still in an evil world1 and liable to crosses and temptations3 ,yea liable to fall from grace when ,i get it1 and perhaps to be lost for ever8 ,lord preserve me1 and when ,i die1 ,o let me die unto thee4 ,tuesday #ca4 ,the watch-night was to last till half past twelve3 but we came home between ten and eleven4 ,i would not go to bed till near twelve1 spending the time in prayer and meditation4 ,lord make me truly thankful for thy mercy1 in bringing me to the conclusion of another year1 and grant that ,i may spend the ensuing year to the glory of thy blessed name1 through ,jesus ,christ4 ,wednesday1 ,january #a4 ,i awoke in a lukewarm state1 and though ,i endeavoured to pray1 yet it was not with that life and fervency ,i desired4 ,o how many have been cut off in the last year1 and ,i am yet upon praying ground6 ,lord spare me yet another year1 and ,o let it be spent so1 as will shew my gratitude to thee1 for this undeserved mercy4 ,thursday #b4 ,i was to my great concern overcome by a trifling spirit4 ,o how is it that ,i am so soon off my watch1 that the enemy so frequently gets the better6 ,o ,god give me1 ,i beseech thee for thy ,son's sake1 a recollected1 serious1 praying spirit4 ,friday #c4 ,my soul was in a more recollected frame than the foregoing day4 ,lord make me thankful even for this mercy4 ,saturday #d4 ,i continued much in the same state as the day before4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,rs preached on ,lamentations iii4 #bb4 ,it is of the ,lord's mercies that we are not consumed1 because his compassions fail not4 ,had it not been for this1 ,lord where should ,i and all the rebellious sons of ,adam1 have been at this day8 99,monday #f4 ,i found my mind in a serious frame1 but it is seldom that it continues4 ,o that ,god would make me more stable1 that ,i may not be like the sea continually fluctuating1 and driven about with every wind of temptation3 but like the sun which constantly rises and sets at the appointed times1 and never fails to bring a regular succession of day and night1 according to the command of that ,god who made him1 when he sent him forth with a commission to rule the day1 and to be for signs1 and for seasons1 for days1 and for years4 ,tuesday #g4 ,this day ,i found great enlargement in prayer1 which made me perform that duty with much pleasure3 but when my soul is dead1 it is a most burthensome task4 ,thursday #i4 ,i went to chapel4 ,mr4 ,rs preached on ,psalms xxxiv4 #ad4 ,seek peace and ensue it4 ,the sermon was tedious1 and ,i so cold1 that ,i was quite tired under it1 and found myself growing impatient4 ,o how soon am ,i tired of what is good6 ,the world are not so soon weary at the play-house1 or in the ball-room1 as ,i am in ,god's house1 and under his word4 ,truly the children of this world1 are wiser in their generation1 than the children of light4 ,friday #aj4 ,i was oppressed all this day1 with that tormenting passion1 the fear of death1 in so much that ,i had not comfort in any thing4 ,i was overwhelmed in an instant with such horror and dread1 as plainly told me ,i was unfit to die2 unfit to appear before the awful judge of quick and dead4 ,o my ,god1 do thou give me the pardon of my sins1 and remove this bondage1 7the fear of death7 from my conscience6 ,lord prepare me1 make me meet to see thy face4 ,saturday #aa4 ,at night ,mr4 ,ms made an excellent discourse upon the barren fig-tree4 ,i fear this character belongs to me4 ,o may ,i at last bear fruit6 ,tuesday #ad4 ,this1 as well as the three following days1 my soul seemed to be much in earnest1 and pressing forward after the blessing2 and altho' ,i was much tempted on ,friday to anger1 yet ,i found power to resist it1 and also great enlargement in praying for faith4 ,o how gracious is ,god6 ,lord make me truly thankful for thy numberless mercies bestowed on me1 the unworthiest worm thy hands have made6 ,my uncle preached on ,isaiah xix4 ,if ye be willing and obedient1 ye shall eat the good of the land4 ,he said many people were willing enough to be saved1 but few were willing to be saved in ,god's way1 which was to confess and forsake sin1 and turn to ,god1 by using all the means which he has appointed4 ,but ,i think ,god has brought me so far1 as to make me truly willing to be saved in his own way2 and were it possible to be saved in sin1 ,i had rather be saved from it4 ,for heaven would be no heaven to me1 while pride1 anger1 and self-will have possession of my breast2 wherefore ,lord1 deliver me from the guilt and power of these things now1 and finally deliver me from the in-being of them4 ,saturday #ah4 ,i still found my desires after ,god very earnest1 and was much enlarged in wrestling for the blessing1 both in private prayer1 and under the word4 ,in the evening1 while ,mr4 ,me was discoursing on these words1 ,let him that nameth the name of ,christ depart from iniquity1 #b ,timothy ii4 #ai4 ,i found much enlargement in private prayer4 ,in the afternoon ,i was admitted to meet in band1 which ,i found blest to me1 and trust to find it so constantly1 as ,i shall1 if it is not my own fault4 ,monday #bj4 ,i did not find my soul so much alive this day1 as ,i did all last week4 ,o what a changeable creature am ,i8 ,never1 never1 at one stay4 ,lord strengthen1 settle1 and stablish me4 ,tuesday #ba4 ,blessed be ,god1 he sought me even when ,i was straying from him1 and did not suffer me long to continue in a lukewarm state4 ,this day he gave me back that wrestling spirit which ,i had lost the day before4 ,i can say my soul is a thirst for ,god1 even for the living ,god4 ,i am willing1 yea1 ,lord1 ,i am desirous1 to forsake all my sins1 and to return unto thee4 ,o my ,god1 make me in earnest1 and take me for thy child4 ,keep me1 keep me1 gracious ,lord1 and never let me go4 ,wednesday #bb4 ,i still found earnest desires1 and my soul to be all on a stretch for ,god4 ,lord continue this blessing1 till thou impart to me that which my soul desireth1 even thy blessed self4 ,then shall ,i be possessed of all that is desirable in earth or heaven4 99,friday #bd4 ,upon a strict self-examination1 ,i trust1 ,i may say1 ,i have made some progress in the heavenly journey1 within this last three months2 for these reasons1 ,i find more power over sin1 even my besetting sins have not dominion over me4 ,and if thro' unwatchfulness ,i yield to them1 my heart is broken on account thereof1 and ,i endeavour to be more watchful for the future4 ,i find more delight in the ordinances of ,god1 and a more stayed1 composed mind in waiting upon him2 and when wandering thoughts assault me1 ,i find power to resist them4 ,i have more power to plead the promises in prayer2 my desires are more earnest1 and ,i have a more watchful spirit during the day3 if ,i deceive myself1 the ,lord knoweth it is not willingly4 ,i sincerely desire to be tried1 and to know the worst of my state4 ,lord1 search well if there be any way of wickedness in me1 and lead me in the way everlasting4 ,thursday #cj4 ,i was rather cold and dead this day4 ,o what is the cause of this instability8 ,lord shew it to me for ,jesus's sake1 tho' not for mine1 and make me in earnest4 ,i found my soul something quickened at night1 while my uncle was preaching on these words4 ,only believe4 ,mark v4 #cf4 ,friday #ca4 ,i was much tempted to fretfulness this morning1 but thro' mercy was restrained from letting it break out into words or actions1 thanks be to ,god for this2 as also that ,i found a degree of liberty in prayer4 ,monday1 ,february #c4 ,when ,i awoke this morning1 ,i found an earnest desire to spend the day to the glory of ,god4 ,i soon found myself stripped of all my strength1 and a trifling spirit prevailed over me4 ,lord1 ,i bring this besetting sin to thee4 ,thou knowest 'tis my grief1 my burden4 ,lord give me power over it4 ,saturday #h4 ,all this week ,i have been hindered going to chapel by reason of a bad cold4 ,and as to the state of my soul1 ,i know not what to say4 ,sometimes ,i have been groaning under my unbelief2 sometimes cold and dead1 yet ,i find a hope left1 that ,i1 even ,i1 shall yet rejoice in the ,god of my salvation3 that ,i shall find his favour1 and taste an earnest of eternal bliss2 ,amen1 ,lord ,jesus4 ,but ,lord make me in earnest1 make me alive to thee4 ,i cannot bear this instability1 this halting between two opinions4 ,lord1 ,i am convinced thou art ,god1 ,o then let me serve thee4 ,sunday #i4 ,this morning being hindered attending the public means1 ,i spent some time in private1 and ,i found the ,lord was willing to hear and answer prayer1 for he enlarged my heart in that duty1 and enabled me to pray with life and fervency2 blessed be his name4 ,sunday #af4 ,this day ,i found much sweetness and enlargement in private duty1 and my mind was in some measure staid on ,god4 ,o for an heart to praise and love him for this1 and all his mercies6 ,the rest of the week ,i found my soul blest at different times1 with a desire to wait upon ,god in private3 it was profitable to me3 which indeed ,i need never doubt1 seeing he has promised that they that wait upon him shall renew their strength4 ,friday #bh4 ,when ,i awoke this morning1 ,i felt a thankfulness to ,god for safely bringing me to see the end of my fifteenth year1 and for an earnest desire to spend the remainder of a short life to his glory4 ,how time flies8 ,it was but the other day since ,i was but a little infant1 utterly unable to help myself3 in this tender state the ,lord provided me good parents and kind friends1 whose constant care it has been1 to train me up for heaven1 and to dedicate me to him betimes4 ,now ,i am come to years of reason1 should it not be my one endeavour1 my constant aim to glorify ,god in my body and in my spirit1 which are his by creation and redemption1 as also by the early dedication which my dear parents made of me to him8 ,should ,i not from my heart ratify and confirm by my own act and deed1 that which they promised on my behalf8 ,lord ,i am willing1 ,i am truly willing so to do4 ,jesus ,lord lend me thine aid1 and ,i will devote myself to thee1 body1 soul1 and spirit1 a living sacrifice4 ,lend me thine aid1 and ,i will take thee for my prophet1 to teach me2 my priest to atone for my sins1 and my king to reign over me4 ,come dear ,lord1 and take me for thine own8 ,thine in time1 and thine to eternity4 ,monday1 ,march #c4 ,this week ,i have been confined by a severe cold1 however ,i have not been remiss in private duties1 though ,i have found little life in them4 ,a sort of stupidity has overspread my mind1 which has made me unfit for any duty4 ,this ,i can account for no other way than by my disorder1 which always throws me into this dull frame4 ,o how this vile body weighs down the soul6 ,how happy are those who are delivered from it6 ,sunday #af4 ,this week as well as the former ,i have found my heart as cold1 dead1 and hard as it was possible2 nor even has it been broke or softened while waiting upon the ,lord either in private prayer1 or under the word4 ,on ,friday evening at the watch-night1 ,i found my mind very wandering1 but towards the latter end it was more composed1 and ,i really believe the ,lord waited to be gracious to me1 but my unbelieving heart put the blessing away1 by thinking ,i was not worthy6 ,o my ,god1 when shall ,i be worthy8 ,sunday #bc4 ,i found my heart greatly melted in the afternoon while ,i was meeting my band1 and at some liberty afterwards in private prayer1 but my old companion coldness returned in the evening4 ,thursday #bg4 ,as we were going to chapel this evening1 a parcel of genteel well-dressed boys set upon us1 throwing dirt in such a manner as almost blinded us1 and hallowing and hooting after us4 ,o what enmity is in the heart of man against every thing that is good even when children8 ,o how gracious has ,god been to me1 that ,i have never been taught to despise and treat any person ill1 either on account of any natural infirmities1 or of the religion they profess2 but from my earliest infancy have ,i been trained up in the nurture and admonition of the ,lord3 how will this enhance my condemnation1 if ,i make not a right use of these privileges6 ,friday #bh4 ,being ,good-,friday1 ,i spent more time than usual in reading and prayer1 in which duty ,i found my soul very much blest and enlarged4 ,wednesday1 ,april #b4 ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,wesley gave us his company to tea1 and afterwards preached on ,romans viii4 #cc1 #cd4 ,i found my mind very wandering4 ,the next evening he preached again on ,john v4 #h1 #i4 ,jesus saith unto him1 rise take up thy bed and walk4 ,i found a blessing this evening though ,i sought it not as ,i ought4 ,o what a good ,god is ours6 ,friday #d4 ,this day ,i was very light and trifling2 but in the afternoon the ,lord was again pleased to stir me up1 by the means of our maid1 who this day found the ,lord in communicating with a sick woman4 ,o my ,god1 what a slow progress do ,i make8 ,others find ,jesus1 but alas6 for me1 ,i find him not4 ,i was also much blest in the evening while ,mr4 ,wesley was preaching on these words1 ,john xvii4 #c4 ,this is eternal life1 c4 ,saturday #e4 ,i set apart this day1 in order to seek the ,lord by prayer and meditation2 and although ,i did not find him1 so as to enable me to rejoice in him1 as a pardoning ,god1 yet ,i found him enlarging my heart in prayer1 enabling me to plead his promises1 and to cry to him for mercy1 without which ,i clearly see ,i am undone for ever4 8,i give up every plea beside1 ,lord ,i am damned1 but ,christ has died40 ,lord1 thou hast said1 ,i came not to call the righteous1 but sinners to repentance4 ,i am then one thou camest to save4 ,o save me for thy mercy's sake6 8,no need of thee the righteous have1 ,thou cam'st the lost to seek and save40 ,i found the word very sweet in the evening while ,mr4 ,wesley was inforcing the words1 ,matthew ix4 #e4 ,whether is it easier to say1 ,thy sins be forgiven thee8 ,or to say1 ,arise and walk8 ,sunday #f4 ,this morning ,i found my desires very earnest for the blessing1 while ,mr4 ,wesley was preaching on ,isaiah xxxv4 #h4 ,and a highway shall be there1 and a way1 c4 ,and also afterwards while he was adminstring the sacrament4 ,in the evening ,i was again encouraged to come to the ,lord1 while ,mr4 ,wesley was inviting us to come and drink of the water of life freely1 but still ,i had not power to accept the invitation4 ,we afterwards had a comfortable love-feast4 ,sunday #ac4 ,i arose pretty early and went to the preaching4 ,i afterwards found great sweetness1 in meditating on the love of ,god to sinners1 and his willingness to receive them upon their sincere repentance1 as also in private prayer4 ,wednesday #af4 ,all this day ,i was very melancholy1 which was chiefly occasioned by recollecting the sorrowful scene ,i saw that day two-years2 when ,i had the last sight of those whom ,i love as my own soul4 ,o how many unforeseen events have happened in that time6 ,some of them have been very trying to me1 and made me repent leaving my native land3 yet now ,i see they were all working together for my good1 and ,i trust ,i have no cause to repent1 seeing my soul has much prospered since ,i have been at this place1 whereas ,i did not gain1 but rather lost ground1 while ,i was in ,london and ,kendal4 ,how wisely does ,god order all things for the benefit of his poor undeserving creatures3 and how ungrateful are we1 not to render him the tribute of an heart and life devoted to his service6 ,friday #ah4 ,mr4 ,m kept a watch-night and preached on these alarming words4 ,at midnight there was a cry made3 ,behold the bridegroom cometh1 go ye out to meet him4 ,matthew xxv4 #f4 ,i found my soul much blest under one of his prayers4 ,o may ,i have oil in my lamp when the bridegroom comes that ,i may not be shut out with the foolish virgins1 but enter with the wise into the joy of my ,lord4 ,sunday #bj4 ,this morning ,mr4 ,r preached on those comfortable words of our ,lord's ,him that cometh unto me ,i will in no wise cast out4 ,john vi4 #cg4 ,i found myself much encouraged to come to the ,lord1 especially when he was inviting the young to come1 and close in with ,jesus4 ,tuesday #bb4 ,this day ,i found great backwardness to private duty1 but was enabled to break through and found the ,lord as good as his word1 ,they that wait upon him shall renew their strength4 ,wednesday #bc4 ,i found much sweetness and enlargement in private duty this day1 and was in a measure blest1 while meeting my class in the evening4 ,o how good is it to draw nigh to ,god1 and yet how backward am ,i so to do6 ,friday #be4 ,i found myself much grieved upon account of having given way to levity4 ,o how prone am ,i to this evil6 ,lord1 help me against it1 or ,i fear it will sink me lower than the grave4 ,i spent my evening comfortably1 and ,i trust profitably in reading the book of martyrs4 ,o what did they go through for the sake of their ,lord6 ,while ,i cannot take up the least cross without murmuring4 ,saturday #bf4 ,this day ,i found great enlargement in praying for my friends and relations1 as also for the whole world1 and for my own poor soul4 ,lord1 help me ever to continue herein4 8,help me to believe1 obey2 ,help me to repent and love2 ,help me to take the blessing given1 ,help me quite from hell to heaven40 ,sunday #bg4 ,mr4 ,ms preached on ,matthew xi4 #bj1 #cj4 ,take my yoke upon you1 c4 ,o what would ,i not give to be enabled so to do6 ,but alas as yet ,i am like a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke4 ,o ,lord1 help me this day to take thy sweet yoke upon me1 and learn of thee1 for ,i am truly convinced that till then1 ,i shall never find rest to my poor soul4 ,i have no objections to make1 take me as ,i am1 and let me be thine for ever4 8,take my body1 spirit1 soul1 ,only thou possess the whole40 ,thursday #bi4 ,i went to five o'clock preaching4 ,as ,i went my heart was raised to ,god1 that he would please to bless his word to my soul2 and indeed ,mr4 ,m gave a very profitable discourse on ,ephesians vi4 #aj4 ,lord1 help me so to put on the whole armour of ,god1 that ,i may be able to withstand in the evil day1 and having done all to stand4 ,wednesday #cj4 ,i found my heart much broken on account of sin this evening in meeting my class4 ,lord1 give me a broken and contrite heart1 for such thou wilt not despise4 ,thursday1 ,may #a4 ,going a little earlier than usual to preaching1 ,i took out my little bible1 and found a peculiar sweetness in reading the lv4 chapter of ,isaiah4 ,friday #b4 ,i found great sweetness in reading and prayer4 ,o for a watchful spirit to keep it4 ,saturday #c4 ,i had a great seriousness and solemnity upon my mind this morning1 which continued all day1 7blessed be ,god47 ,sunday #d4 ,i was much cast down by hearing that my poor papa was in a bad state of health2 but was comforted by this consideration1 that if ,i made ,god my father and my friend1 nothing but my own unfaithfulness could ever separate me from him4 ,monday #e4 ,i rose this morning with a desire to spend the day to his glory1 and blessed be his name1 he did enable me to keep a recollected spirit1 and also to seek him in his appointed ways1 in doing which ,i found great sweetness4 ,wednesday #g4 ,i was disappointed going to preaching1 which was a cross to me at first2 but ,i was so blest while meeting my class1 that the loss was abundantly made up2 my heart was softened and melted for my past offences1 and at the same time a comfortable hope sprung up1 that the ,lord would have mercy even upon me4 ,friday #i1 and ,saturday #aj4 ,i can't say1 that ,i found my soul so much blest those two days1 as it had been the two preceding4 ,what is the cause ,i know not1 but whatever it is1 ,i trust the ,lord will discover it to me1 and remove it4 ,on ,saturday evening ,i was greatly shocked at the melancholy account of the death of two of my uncles2 and ,satan strongly suggested that my dear ,papa would soon follow4 ,this hindered me from sleeping great part of the night4 ,every such alarming providence should loudly sound in our ears1 ,be ye also ready1 for at such an hour as ye think not1 the ,son of man cometh4 ,sunday #aa4 ,i broke the matter to my cousin by degrees1 thinking it would shock her to tell it to her at once4 ,but ,o how her cries and lamentations pierced my heart6 ,i endeavoured to comfort her1 but all in vain2 all her cry was1 if she did but know his soul was happy1 then she should be easy4 ,at last she seemed to take some comfort in the consideration that he had religious friends about him in his illness4 ,surely it is a grievous thing to lose a tender parent4 ,o may ,i not by my sins1 provoke ,god to lay the same affliction upon me4 ,alas6 it would be a heavy stroke4 ,i know not how ,i should bear it2 ,i fear ,i should murmur against the hand that inflicted it1 unless preserved therefrom by the restraining grace of ,god4 ,my mind was now far from the comfortable frame it was in the last week2 it was so confused1 that ,i could not for one quarter of an hour keep it stayed on ,god4 ,but notwithstanding this1 ,i took up my cross1 and used private prayer constantly4 ,indeed ,i was often tempted to think1 ,i had better let it alone1 for ,i was only mocking ,god by drawing near to him with my lips1 while my heart was far from him4 ,if this was the case it was not with my desire or approbation4 ,the ,lord knoweth1 ,i would have prayed better if ,i could4 ,i would fain have my lips1 and heart1 and life go together in his service2 and therefore since he has put this desire into my heart1 he will graciously pardon what has been amiss1 and enable me to do better for the future4 ,thursday #bb4 ,this morning ,i went to my aunt ,bs1 where ,i spent the day very agreeably4 ,in the evening ,i was much blest1 while my uncle was preaching on ,john i4 #aa1 #ab4 ,he came unto his own1 but his own received him not3 but as many as received him1 to them gave he power to become the sons of ,god4 ,o would he now himself impart1 that ,i may become the child of ,god4 ,sunday #be4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,m made a sweet ,discourse on ,acts xvi4 #cj4 ,sirs1 what must ,i do to be saved8 ,indeed ,i thought ,i had power to believe1 ,i found the blessing nigh2 but ,o my faithless heart drew back and lost the precious pearl4 ,unbelief again prevailed and left me helpless1 but blessed be ,god1 not a hopeless sinner4 ,i still have a hope1 and ,i trust it is not the hope of an hypocrite4 ,thursday #bi4 ,this day ,i was much beset by wandring thoughts1 and to my grief and shame1 yielded but too much to them4 ,how long shall vain thoughts1 which are often the forerunners of vain words1 lodge within me4 ,o for power to resist and overcome6 ,saturday #ca4 ,i found great power this day over that evil1 with which ,i have been so much beset1 blessed be ,god4 ,sunday1 ,june #a4 ,this morning my soul was in a measure blest while ,mr4 ,rs was shewing how we had destroyed ourselves1 from ,hosea xiii4 #i4 ,he had not time to shew us where our help lay3 but blessed be ,god1 he has shewed this to me4 ,may ,i seek for it where it only can be found4 ,in the evening ,i was stirred up to ask the blessing1 and ,i trust with some importunity4 ,monday #b4 ,this morning my soul was exceedingly blest while ,mrs4 ,l was speaking to me1 encouraging me to come1 and lay hold of the blessing1 assuring me1 that even now the ,lord was willing to impart it4 ,my desires were also very strong in the afternoon2 although ,i was in company1 and the conversation not very edifying2 7so gracious was the ,lord to me47 ,tuesday #c4 ,i found my soul exceedingly blest this day1 especially in the evening3 such hope and confidence ,i had that the ,lord would reveal himself that ,i had no doubt of it1 and such a sweet calm was upon my spirit till ,i went to bed as ,i never experienced before4 ,i was also greatly encouraged by accidentally opening the bible upon these words1 ,then shall we know if we follow on to know the ,lord4 ,amen6 ,let it be according to thy word1 ,lord ,jesus4 ,wednesday #d4 ,i experienced a measure of the same confidence as the night before4 ,lord continue it1 and also increase it1 so that ,i may never doubt more4 ,thursday #e4 ,i was not altogether in such a sweet frame as the two preceding days2 nevertheless my mind was stayed on ,god1 and my desires earnest for the blessing1 while my uncle was discoursing upon these words1 ,except ye repent1 ye shall all likewise perish4 ,luke xiii4 #e4 ,friday #f4 ,my mind was distracted with wandering thoughts1 but the gracious ,lord soon gathered them in again1 and ,i experienced a sweet calm upon my spirit1 and liberty in prayer4 ,sunday #h4 ,i went to church expecting the ,sacrament1 but there being none1 we had a sermon on ,galatians vi4 #i4 ,it was a very pretty discourse1 shewing what well-doing was2 but nothing of a change of heart was mentioned4 ,o1 thought ,i1 how many may go thus far1 and perish at last4 ,lord1 let me not be one of this number4 ,monday #i4 ,this afternoon we set out for ,eaton to see ,lord ,grosvenor's gardens2 they are the most elegant and pleasant ,i ever saw4 ,i do not find the sight of such things to draw my mind from ,god3 but am rather led to meditate on the vanity of all worldly enjoyments1 and to desire to have substantial pleasures1 even those which are at ,god's right-hand4 ,the rest of the week1 my mind was in much confusion1 by reason of removing2 but still ,i have found power to be constant in private duty1 and to resist all temptations to the contrary4 ,by thus doing ,i was enabled to keep a greater watch over my words1 and thoughts1 and to avoid my besetting evil1 levity4 ,o ,lord1 make me truly thankful4 8beseting0 replaced with 8besetting0 ,monday #af4 ,i was much cast down1 by receiving a letter from my dear mamma1 containing a melancholy account of the situation of my dear papa's health3 but in the midst of my anxiety1 ,i found a great confidence in ,god3 so that most of my uneasiness was upon his account4 ,lord1 strengthen1 comfort1 and bless him for ,jesus's sake4 ,the two following days my mind was much hurried by the confusion the house has been in2 nevertheless ,i have been constant in private duty1 and have generally found it good to draw nigh to ,god4 ,o what a ,god have we to deal with1 and yet ,i cannot find a heart to love him4 ,lord1 soften this obdurate heart1 and give me an heart to love thee2 for this thou knowest is all my desire4 ,tuesday #bd4 ,all this week ,i have been in a very disagreeable frame1 being neither in earnest for my soul1 nor quite forgetful of it4 ,i have been constant in private duties1 tho' ,i am often fearful that ,i am only drawing nigh to ,god with my lips2 but on ,saturday1 my soul was much blest under ,mr4 ,r's preaching3 his text was in ,romans viii4 #ag1 #ah4 ,and if children then heirs1 c4 ,my desires were exceedingly earnest to be made a partaker of those glorious privileges of the sons of ,god4 ,o ,lord1 when shall ,i be one of thy children8 ,sunday #bi4 ,in the morning ,mr4 ,r's text was in ,romans viii4 #cb4 ,he that spared not his own son1 c4 ,o these encouraging1 these heart reviving words6 ,why1 ,o my soul art thou so backward to believe the promises of ,god8 ,surely he is not a man1 that can deceive thee4 ,o then believe the record true4 ,then1 and not till then1 shalt thou experience real happiness4 ,monday1 ,july #g4 ,all this week my soul has been cold and dead1 and ,i 7to my shame and grief7 have been too negligent in private duties4 ,how truly may it be said the way of sin is down hill8 ,i was hindered from prayer one day at my usual hour1 and almost every day afterwards1 something happened just at that time to keep me from that duty4 ,i observe that if ,i neglect it one day1 ,i am sure to do the same for several days running4 ,lord1 help me to be watchful1 seeing my subtle adversary is ever watching to betray me into sin1 either of omission or commission4 ,sunday #ac4 ,i found a small degree of life in private prayer1 which was the only duty ,i was quickened in this day4 ,lord help me out of this stupid state6 ,on ,thursday evening my uncle preached on ,matthew xiii4 #df4 ,who when he had found one pearl of great price1 c4 ,o that the ,lord would enable me instantly to part with all1 and purchase this pearl6 ,all this week my soul has been in the same lukewarm state1 and yet generally quickened in private prayer1 especially one evening ,i had such a discovery of the love of ,god to sinners1 that ,i was almost enabled to believe he died for me4 ,sunday #bj4 ,this morning ,mr4 ,m gave us a sweet discourse on #b ,peter i4 #d4 ,whereby are given unto us exceeding great promises1 c4 ,i found my soul blest under it1 and afterwards at the sacrament in ,st4 ,john's church1 blessed be ,god4 ,monday #ba4 ,i was too neglectful of private duty this day1 and therefore 'tis no wonder if my soul was dry and barren in other duties4 ,while we were at preaching in the evening1 my dear friend ,miss ,d arrived from ,ireland4 ,i was much rejoiced to see her1 and she seemed to be so at seeing me4 ,may we all at last meet round our ,father's throne6 ,friday #be4 ,in the afternoon we walked to ,crislington2 and went to see the rector's garden1 who is for ever altering it4 ,after being at great expence to have it done to his mind1 still it does not please him4 ,o how restless is the mind of man6 ,ever seeking after rest1 he cannot find it nigh1 nor ever will1 till he finds it in ,jesus4 ,friday1 ,august #a4 ,the state of my soul this week has been much as usual4 ,o that the ,lord would stir me up6 ,that he would make me in earnest1 and then ,i should soon attain the prize4 ,i shall one day perish by the hand of sin1 unless a miracle of mercy interpose4 ,lord1 save or ,i perish6 ,save1 or ,i must inevitably fall a prey to the evil that lies in this rebellious heart4 ,sunday #c4 ,i found myself much encouraged while ,mr4 ,gk was describing the rest that remained to those who were seekers after ,god1 that ,i might include myself in that number2 but ,i sometimes fear1 even this appellation does not belong to me4 ,lord1 suffer me not to deceive myself for thy mercy's sake4 ,tuesday #e4 ,my poor heart still continued dead2 no life1 no power in drawing near to ,god4 ,still my soul is as a barren wilderness4 ,lord1 water me with the dew of thy grace1 then the wilderness will become a fruitful land1 and the desert1 springs of water4 ,sunday #ag4 ,in retirement1 both before and after preaching1 ,i found my soul greatly led out to pray for faith1 for myself1 and my dear parents1 and a measure of confidence1 that ,god would hear my prayer3 but alas for me1 in the afternoon levity again prevailed1 and ,i lost both the confidence1 and power to pray for it4 ,sunday #ag4 ,mr4 ,mr preached on ,acts xxiv4 #af4 ,herein ,i exercise myself1 to have a conscience void of offence towards ,god1 and towards man4 ,on his mentioning his going away1 ,i could not forbear bursting into tears2 ,i am sure all the people 7would they speak the truth impartially7 must acknowledge he has exercised himself to have a conscience void of offence4 99,wednesday #bj4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,mr gave us a sweet discourse1 on ,colossians iii4 #aa4 ,but ,christ is all1 and in all4 ,my concern at parting with him1 stole away all the benefit ,i might have reaped from the sermon4 ,alas6 that ,i should be so foolish as to look more to the servant than to his ,lord1 and think because he is going away1 ,i shall never more be blest under preaching2 as if ,god could not bless me1 as well by one as another4 ,lord1 ,i beseech thee1 to forgive this sin4 ,thursday #ba4 ,this morning ,i arose to hear ,mr4 ,ms last discourse1 which was very affecting1 and drew tears from many eyes4 ,i found much cause for lamentation1 that ,i had not profited more by him1 and a determined resolution to set out afresh in the strength of divine grace1 that ,i may not have the same complaint to make1 when we part with the next4 ,lord1 strengthen this resolution4 ,sunday #bd4 ,i was some part of this day employed in reading ,mr4 ,morgan's crucified ,jesus4 ,o that ,i could copy after my afflicted1 self-denying ,master6 ,he never sought to please himself2 but alas for me1 how seldom is it ,i seek to please any other6 ,lord1 forgive me3 let me learn to deny myself1 take up my cross and follow thee4 ,thursday #bh4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,j who is the assistant preached his first sermon on #a ,corinthians iii4 #bb4 ,all are yours4 ,i think him a good preacher2 but ,i cannot yet give up ,mr4 ,m for any other4 ,friday #bi4 ,mr4 ,gd preached on #a ,corinthians i4 #bc4 ,we preach ,christ crucified4 ,it was a good sermon1 but ,i thought so much of ,mr4 ,m1 that ,i was quite tired because it was not him4 ,lord forgive me my too great attachment to the creature1 and fix my heart more upon the ,creator4 ,sunday #ca4 ,this morning ,mr4 ,gd preached from ,hosea vi4 #a4 ,come let us return to the ,lord1 c4 ,he spoke exactly to the state ,i seemed to be in1 and ,i was determined to set this day apart1 to examine myself1 and to seek the ,lord in good earnest4 ,but as soon as ,i came home1 ,satan prepared something to draw my mind off1 and render me unfit for any duty1 whether reading1 praying1 or any thing else4 ,lord1 make me more careful for the time to come1 that ,i may not so easily let slip the things which ,i have received4 ,tuesday1 ,september #b4 ,my soul was in a measure blest in meeting class1 and ,i found a resolution to set out afresh4 ,lord1 let it not prove abortive as all others have done1 but do thou bring it to good effect for thy mercy's sake4 ,wednesday #c4 ,i think this day ,i found more solidity1 and not so much levity of spirit as ,i did the day before4 ,i also found my soul in a measure quickened both in private prayer1 and in meeting band1 for which undeserved mercies1 ,lord make me truly thankful1 and let me shew my gratitude by endeavouring to retain1 and improve them1 that so ,i may have more4 ,friday #ab4 ,in the evening at preaching1 ,i found my soul in a small degree quickened4 ,lord1 continue even this spark1 and blow it into a flame6 ,monday #ae4 ,i met our class to renew the tickets2 but ,i missed ,mr4 ,mr's lively manner of examining and exhorting each one1 according to their various states4 ,sunday #ba4 ,i went to the sacrament at ,st4 ,john's church1 but all the time ,i was there1 ,i was so beset with a particular temptation1 that ,i had hard work to keep from yielding to it4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,jn preached and met the society2 but ,i sadly missed ,mr4 ,m's close and sweet applications and exhortations1 which under ,god were exceeding profitable to me4 ,this week my poor unstable mind has been much tossed with vain and wandring thoughts4 ,o when shall my heart and treasure be laid up in heaven6 ,then1 and not till then1 will my mind also be fixed1 stedfastly fixed in that thrice happy place4 ,i have also been dry and dead in every means1 which indeed is no wonder1 when foolish thoughts are given way to2 they necessarily damp the work of ,god in the soul4 ,lord1 make me more watchful4 ,sunday #bh4 ,i spent the day comfortably1 and found a degree of sweetness in prayer4 ,o for a thankful heart6 ,thursday1 ,october #aj4 ,this day being the quarterly meeting1 we had a number of strange preachers in town2 and in the evening one ,mr4 ,st preached4 ,he is not a very connected preacher1 but one of the most lively and powerful1 that ,i ever heard4 ,i was more stirred up and quickened under this sermon1 than ,i have been for months before4 ,there seemed to be an awful solemnity1 resting upon the whole congregation4 ,monday #bf4 ,in the evening it rained much2 but ,i ventured out1 and was well paid for so doing1 by ,mr4 ,m's discourse upon #a ,corinthians vi4 #aa4 ,but ye are justified in the name of the ,lord ,jesus4 ,sunday1 ,november #b4 ,i went to the sacrament at ,trinity church1 but found no particular blessing in that ordinance1 or indeed any other2 my mind being much exercised1 as it had been great part of the last week1 in which nothing seemed sweet or profitable to me1 but private prayer4 ,sunday #i4 ,all this week my mind has been much diverted from ,god1 by a circumstance which befel me1 not very pleasing to flesh and blood4 ,lord1 give me wisdom1 grace1 and prudence to guide me through the trials ,i am liable to meet with here3 and ,o at last receive my poor soul to the peaceful haven of everlasting rest2 where all the storms of this tumultuous life are over1 and all is quietness and assurance for ever6 99,monday #ag4 ,mr4 ,jn dined with us this day2 ,i think he is one of the most agreeable men ,i know4 ,on ,thursday evening my uncle preached upon ,matthew xx4 #cb4 ,what will ye that ,i shall do unto you8 ,my soul was more blest under this discourse1 than under any since ,mr4 ,st preached4 ,in the application1 he desired each to ask their own soul1 what is my most prevailing desire8 ,riches1 honour1 or pleasure8 ,but my heart rejected all these1 and replied1 8,none but ,christ to me be given1 ,none by ,christ in earth or heaven40 ,sunday #bc4 ,i found my soul much quickened in private duty to-day4 ,o how good is it to draw nigh to ,god1 and yet how loath am ,i to do it6 ,sunday #cj4 ,in reading the scripture1 and one of the volumes of the ,library1 ,i found a degree of enlargement1 and also in private prayer1 tho' ,i had felt a great backwardness to it4 ,tuesday1 ,december #b4 ,after ,i was in bed1 my mind was much employed in meditating on death1 and the vanity of all earthly things1 occasioned by hearing that poor ,miss ,ly was extreamly ill1 whom ,i had seen in perfect health the last ,friday4 ,o may ,i spend every moment of life in preparing for a never ending eternity6 ,sunday #g4 ,in none of the duties of the day1 did ,i find any life2 my soul was as a barren wilderness unwatered with the dew of heaven4 ,lord1 how long6 ,when shall ,i taste and see that the ,lord is gracious1 by his giving even to me the knowledge of salvation by the remission of my sins8 ,monday evening ,mr4 ,jn preached on ,matthew ix4 #ab4 ,the whole have no need of a physician1 but they that be sick4 ,lord1 ,i am sick1 sick of sin1 and truly sick of self4 ,lord1 heal me2 be thou my physician1 and ,i shall need no other4 ,sunday #ad4 ,mr4 ,jn preached this morning upon ,isaiah lv4 #a4 ,ho1 every one that thirsteth1 c4 ,lord1 ,i do in some measure thirst4 ,o give me to drink of this living water6 99,i was so affected when ,i came home at hearing that poor ,miss ,ly was not likely to recover1 that ,i could not read or pray as ,i desired2 but ,i found many serious1 and ,i trust profitable reflections4 ,o may this providence be productive of good to my soul1 and to the souls of all her friends and relations1 to whom it will certainly be an affecting stroke1 if it does please ,god to require her soul at this time4 ,on ,monday evening at four o'clock1 it pleased ,god to take to himself the soul of my dear ,miss ,ly4 ,although ,i found the affection ,i had for her in her life-time1 as strong as ever1 ,i could not shed a tear1 when ,i first heard of her departure3 ,i had such a sight of her in glory1 that1 instead of wishing her back1 ,i almost rejoiced at her happy change1 and longed for the hour to come1 wherein ,i also shall be released and carried by the angels into ,abraham's bosom1 where ,i shall be eternally happy in the enjoyment of his love1 who lived and died for me1 a poor miserable sinner4 ,but afterwards ,i found nature recoil1 and had the cruelty to think1 that could a wish restore her to her aged parents1 particularly her poor distracted mother1 ,i should be tempted to do it4 ,but ,o blessed be ,god1 nothing1 nothing can recall us1 when once we are landed on the happy shore4 ,lord1 grant that whenever death calls me hence1 ,i may be prepared to meet it4 ,let the king of terrors be changed into the prince of peace2 let the sting of death be drawn1 and ,o give me a victory over the now terrible and victorious grave4 99,thursday #ah4 ,this day ,i with my aunt1 ,mrs4 ,l1 and ,miss ,h1 were invited to the funeral of ,miss ,ly3 the two former declined going1 but ,miss ,h and ,i accepted the invitation2 and with four other young women1 were her bearers4 ,o what an impression did this solemn scene make on my now thoughtful mind1 to see her1 whom not three weeks ago1 ,i had seen in all the bloom and vigour of youth1 now cut down1 and her sweet agreeable tabernacle consigned to the silent grave6 ,lord1 thought ,i1 how soon may this be my case2 how soon may ,i also be cut down in the morning of my life1 and my parents also be lamenting my untimely end6 ,and am ,i ready8 ,can ,i say with an assured confidence1 ,o death1 where is thy sting2 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8 ,alas1 alas6 it is not so with me6 ,the approach of this formidable foe makes me tremble6 ,o suffer me not to rest in this state1 but enable even me to look with triumph on the mouldering tomb6 ,sunday #ba4 ,i did not go out in the morning1 but spent the day very comfortably1 finding great sweetness in prayer1 and much seriousness and solidity upon my mind all the day4 ,the two following days also my mind was much busied about the things of eternity1 and my own latter end4 ,thursday #be4 7,being ,christmas-day47 ,in the evening my uncle preached with much life and power1 on ,luke ii4 #aj4 ,behold ,i bring you good tidings of great joy4 ,the enemy stirred up the mob to make a disturbance while we were singing the last hymn2 but in spite of them1 we concluded singing1 and after waiting some minutes they were dispersed1 and we returned home in peace4 99,friday #bf4 ,this day and the next my soul was not in so sweet a frame as a few days before3 it might be occasioned partly by a violent cold1 which weighed down my body very much4 ,o happy day when the soul shall be released from its prison1 and freed from its bodily-chain2 when the disembodied spirit shall be received with shouts of joy1 into the paradise of ,god4 ,sunday #bh4 ,this morning the family went to the house of ,god1 but a violent cold confined me at home2 however1 the ,lord was present there also1 for my soul was greatly refreshed in private duty4 ,indeed all the day ,i found great sweetness and comfort in my soul1 though my cold unfitted me for any set waiting upon ,god4 ,wednesday #ca4 ,this night ,i determined to sit up till ,i had begun the ,new-,year1 which ,i accordingly did1 spending the time in reading1 meditation1 and prayer1 and ,i found it comfortable and profitable to wait upon ,god in the stillness of the night4 ,o may the resolutions which ,i this night made1 be brought to good effect6 ,thursday1 ,january #h1 #agfg4 ,this day blessed be ,god my soul was much alive1 and my desires and expectations quickened by hearing that ,mrs4 ,mn1 a person in our class had found the peace of ,god4 ,i found much attention and sweetness likewise under ,mr4 ,rs sermon in the evening4 ,saturday #aj4 ,mr4 ,rs preached upon ,isaiah xliii4 #be1 #bf4 ,i1 even ,i am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake4 ,my soul was in a waiting1 expecting frame4 ,lord1 how long shall it be e're thou satisfy my longing heart with thy love1 the thing ,i desire above all others4 ,i can truly say1 8,of all thou hast in earth1 or heaven1 ,let love alone be mine40 ,sunday #aa4 ,we went to church1 had a sermon on ,ecclesiastes ix4 #aj4 ,it was an exceeding pretty discourse1 but not a word of ,christ in it4 ,the minister exhorted us to improve our time in works of piety1 charity1 and the duty of our respective callings1 but never told us how we were to be enabled to do all these things1 presuming1 ,i suppose that his auditory needed no such information4 ,towards the latter end he allowed us a little innocent diversion1 and concluded with saying that by a diligent improvement of our time in all the duties he had recited1 we should recommend ourselves to ,god1 and be accounted worthy to be admitted into heaven4 ,i found much thankfulness that ,i was better instructed4 ,i was at preaching in the following fortnight but twice3 all this time ,i was sometimes in earnest1 then too careless4 ,lord1 pardon what is past1 and ,o let me for the future give all diligence to make my calling and election sure4 8thankness0 replaced with 8thankfulness0 per ,errata ,sunday #be4 ,i did not go out in the morning1 but ,i spent the time very comfortably1 in reading the blessed word of ,god2 and in the afternoon ,i read ,mr4 ,hervey's meditations1 which were also exceeding sweet and profitable4 ,sunday1 ,february #a4 ,i went to the sacrament this day at ,trinity church4 ,this being the place where the remains of my dear ,miss ,ly were deposited1 it brought many serious reflections1 but they did not draw me off the duty1 in which ,i was more immediately engaged4 ,for this week past ,i have at times found a measure of seriousness and enlargement in private duty4 ,i scarcely know what state my soul has been in this fortnight past1 not having had time to write4 ,i fear ,i am falling into the former ,laodicean spirit4 ,lord ,jesus1 quicken me2 ,o save me for thy mercy's sake4 ,saturday #bh4 ,this being my birth-day1 ,i would have spent in retirement1 but was prevented2 however ,i spent two hours herein exceeding comfortably4 ,o may ,i spend each day and moment in the service of him1 who has so graciously preserved me to this time6 ,surely it is of the ,lord's mercies that ,i have not long since been consumed1 because his tender compassions fail not4 ,sunday1 ,march #h4 ,my heart was much drawn towards ,god this morning1 both before and at church4 ,friday evening a young stranger who appeared quite illiterate1 agreeably surprised us with a connected sensible and profitable discourse on1 ,behold ,god is my salvation4 ,o when shall ,i experimentally say these words8 ,lord1 why not now8 ,sunday #ae4 ,i spent the morning very comfortably in reading the scripture with ,mr4 ,wesley's notes2 in the afternoon ,mr4 ,hervey's sweet meditations on the starry heavens4 ,i found my soul in a serious thoughtful frame1 till ,i was discomposed by a trifling incident4 ,sunday #bi4 ,i found my soul much led out in prayer1 even while ,i was reading1 as ,i did during the latter end of the last week2 blessed be ,god for it4 ,sunday1 ,april #e4 ,i was greatly distressed at church1 and afterwards1 upon account of my sins1 and at times was even ready to believe that the ,lord would cast me off for ever4 ,all ,i could say was1 8,guilty ,i stand before thy face1 ,i feel on me thy wrath abide1 ',tis just the sentence should take place1 ',tis justbut ,o thy son hath died40 ,in the evening we had a profitable and lively love-feast1 at which my poor soul found some refreshment4 ,o may it be daily fed with the bread of life6 8,this manna to my soul be given1 ,sent from the tree of life in heaven40 ,friday #ag4 ,this day being ,good-,friday1 we went to the sacrament at the ,cathedral1 but in no means whether public or private1 was my soul blest1 tho' ,i found great attention to the sermon preached by ,mr4 ,gd in the evening1 upon the words with which our once dying1 tho' now ever living ,saviour closed his suffering1 painful life6 ,it is finished4 ,john xix4 #cj4 ,amazing truth6 8',twere bold to think it true1 ,if not far bolder still to disbelieve40 ,that the author and possessor of life eternal1 should himself become a prey to death6 ,and for whom8 ,for angels8 ,no1 when they left their first and blest estate1 it was irretrievably lost4 ,for his friends8 ,no1 but for enemies1 for rebels1 for vile apostates1 for ungrateful sinners6 ,well might the apostle cry out1 8,o the length and breadth1 the depth and height of this stupendous love60 ,this day was the sad anniversary on which ,i parted from the tenderest1 best of parents1 and took a long1 if not a last farewel of my native land2 whether ,i shall ever see that1 or my dearest parents more1 the ,lord knoweth4 8,but ,o may we all meet on that peaceful shore1 ,where pain1 and death1 and parting are no more60 ,sunday1 ,may #c4 ,for this fortnight my soul has been in general in a lifeless1 inactive frame2 and ,i have found little blessing in any means1 except private prayer2 in this ,i have been frequently quickened and refreshed4 ,sunday #bd4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i found my soul refreshed in private prayer this day1 but ,i had hard work in the evening to keep my mind stayed on ,god1 and attentive to the sermon4 ,tuesday #bf4 ,my soul was very cold and dead all day1 but at the class meeting1 ,i found my desires greatly quickened2 especially during the last prayer4 ,this lasted all the evening2 ,o may it still continue4 ,lord1 let not my foolish heart rob me of the blessing4 ,sunday1 ,june #g4 ,i went to the sacrament this morning at the ,cathedral1 but found no particular blessing1 tho' my heart was afterwards refreshed1 while waiting upon ,god in private duties4 ,sunday #ad4 ,my soul was much blest in private prayer this morning1 but the rest of the day ,i was so weighed down with drowsiness that ,i could scarce read or pray with any satisfaction3 however1 my mind was in a serious frame most of the day4 ,sunday #ba4 ,i went to the sacrament at ,werburgh's church1 and found my heart affected with a lively sense of ,god's love to my soul in sending his ,son to die for me4 ,o that this his love might stir me up to love him again1 for altho' he is in himself altogether lovely1 yet nothing but a deep heart-felt conviction that ,jesus loved me1 and gave himself for me1 can induce us to love him again4 ,but ah6 ,i cannot1 cannot love4 8,this is my shame1 my grief1 my hell1 ,i do not love the bleeding ,lamb2 ,the ,lamb that loved my soul so well1 ,this is my grief1 my hell1 my shame40 ,sunday #bh4 ,in private prayer this morning my soul was greatly blest1 and ,i found sweet enlargement in praying for the blessing1 both for myself1 and for my dearest parents2 likewise ,i found liberty to pray for all my relations and friends1 for the church1 and for all the world4 ,blessed be the ,lord for this undeserved mercy4 ,in the evening ,i was stirred up by ,mr4 ,gs discourse from ,hebrews ii4 #c4 ,how shall we escape1 if we neglect so great salvation8 ,lord1 how shall ,i escape8 ,only by flying to the wounds of ,jesus2 that is the only city of refuge4 ,o may ,i escape thither1 as ,lot did to ,zoar1 e'er the storm of divine vengeance be poured on this guilty head4 99,monday1 ,july #f4 ,my mind was much distressed this day by that fear which love alone casts out1 7the fear of death47 ,what particularly brought me to reflect upon it at this time1 was a dream which ,mrs4 ,lr had had concerning me2 at first ,i prayed earnestly that the ,lord would spare my life1 being excessively frightened at the thought of dying3 but afterwards ,i began to consider1 what if my request should be granted in wrath1 as when the ,israelites prayed for meat8 ,what would become of me then8 ,perhaps the ,lord sees1 if ,i live ,i shall dishonour him2 be a scandal to my profession2 a reproach to the people among whom ,i am2 and a grief to my parents4 ,now if the ,lord should take me from the evil to come1 should prevent me from doing1 as well as suffering evil1 by taking me to himself1 what cause of complaint should ,i have8 ,surely none1 nay it would be matter of rejoicing to all eternity3 besides should none of these things happen1 but were ,i sure of gliding thro' this world easily and pleasantly2 would it not be better to reach the destined haven1 without putting to sea at all2 or at least with a very short1 and as yet a pleasant passage6 ,did any ever think it was too soon to go to heaven8 ,surely no4 ,no such complaints were ever made by one soul that got thither at all4 ,but alas6 ,i am unwilling to part with life1 because ,i know not where ,i shall go4 ,o6 8,who can tell me if this strife1 ,in heaven or hell shall end80 8as0 replaced with 8as when0 per ,errata 8better0 replaced with 8be better0 per ,errata ,lord shall my soul be carried by angels into ,abraham's bosom1 or hurried by fiends into endless torments6 ,lord 'tis true1 ,i am a great sinner2 but ,jesus is an ,almighty ,saviour4 ,i entirely renounce all dependence upon myself4 8,this all my hope1 and all my plea1 ,for me the ,saviour died40 ,yes1 my dearest ,jesus thou did'st die for me3 then ,i may be saved4 ,lord ,i believe2 help thou mine unbelief4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,hn gave an account of the life and death of ,mr4 ,pl ,gd1 an eminent and useful preacher2 and then gave out these lines1 in which ,i joined with my whole heart3 8,o may we thus our parting breath1 ,into the ,saviour's hand resign3 ,o ,jesus1 let me die his death1 ,and let his latter end be mine40 ,we came home twenty minutes before ten1 and ,i fell asleep with the same serious impressions on my spirit1 which also lasted most part of the next day1 and for several days after4 ,sunday1 ,august #b4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,fl took his leave of us from these words in ,luke iv4 #db4 ,and he said ,i must go and preach the kingdom of ,god to other cities also3 for therefore am ,i sent4 ,the next evening ,mr4 ,jn took his1 from ,romans viii4 #ag4 ,and if children1 then heirs1 heirs of ,god1 and joint heirs with ,christ4 ,he was exceeding lively4 ,i found concern in parting with them4 ,o may ,i profit more by the next6 99,thursday #f4 ,hearing this day of a very melancholy affair1 concerning a person whom ,i knew only by sight3 ,i was exceedingly stirred up to thankfulness1 for being so situated1 that it was almost impossible the like should befal me3 ,i am surrounded with tender and careful friends1 who continually watch over me in love3 ,i am blest with parents1 who by words when present with them1 and by letters now absent1 8,warn me to shun the world's delusive snares2 ,teach by their lives1 and guard me by their prayers40 ,and he has inclined my heart to listen to the instructions and advice1 ,i daily receive from one or another4 ,i went to our private meeting on ,friday1 and found my soul blest1 and heartily joined in ,mr4 ,b's prayer for the poor unhappy creature to suffer the ensuing day4 ,also ,i was greatly stirred up to pray for her1 when in private at night4 ,saturday #ae4 ,about one o'clock my aunt ,br and little cousins1 arrived in ,chester2 ,i was extreamly glad to see them4 ,o when will my dear parents come8 ,lord1 thy time is best1 only let me be resigned to thy will4 8,since none can doubt thy equal love1 ,unmeasurably kind1 ,to thy unerring1 gracious will ,be every wish resign'd40 ,sunday #af4 ,the ensuing week ,i was much indisposed1 and did not go out till the next ,saturday sev'night3 during this time1 my soul was kept in a calm reliance upon ,god1 tho' at times ,i found deadness2 which ,i partly imputed to my disorder 7a severe cold47 ,saturday1 ,september #ac4 ,mr4 ,pn going to ,ireland1 gave a very profitable discourse upon ,john xvi4 #ca4 ,do ye now believe8 ,indeed this was a very comfortable day to my poor soul2 which blessed be the ,lord1 was much refreshed in all the means of grace1 both at sacrament1 private prayer1 and the preaching4 ,this evening ,mr4 ,tr arrived in ,chester4 ,o may his coming amongst us be productive of much good to this people1 and to my poor soul6 ,friday #ah4 ,this was a fast-day kept to intreat the ,lord to revive his work in this land4 ,mr4 ,tr and my uncle prayed alternately1 and with much power4 ,o that it may be such a fast as the ,lord approves of1 and an acceptable day to him4 ,on ,saturday evening1 ,mr4 ,tr preached from ,john xii4 #bb4 ,sir1 we would see ,jesus4 ,lord ,i would see him too4 ,o may it be now4 ,monday #ba4 ,mr4 ,hn1 who had accompanied ,lady ,m to town1 with her and her brother1 dined with us4 ,she is the most affable lady ,i have ever seen1 and dresses almost as plain as we do4 duplicate word 8as0 removed ,sunday1 ,october #d4 ,in the evening my soul was quickened while ,mr4 ,tr was preaching on the parable of the dry bones4 99,tuesday1 ,november #ag4 ,on this day were united1 my uncle ,f1 and my truly dear and respected friend ,mrs4 ,m ,l4 ,with unspeakable pleasure ,i embraced her1 as a most dear loved relative4 ,with the same satisfaction she was received by those of my aunts1 who reside in this place1 as their sister2 and ,i doubt not will be by those who are now absent1 when they hear the surprising tidings4 ,my heart's desire and prayer to ,god for them is1 that they may be long blest with each other2 that this union may be a means of uniting them more closely to the blessed bridegroom of the church2 and that finally1 they and we may be received into the family of heaven1 with a ,well-done good and faithful servants1 enter ye into the joy of your ,lord4 ,thursday #ai4 ,the committing a known sin1 threw me into exquisite distress1 so that ,i hardly dared to go to prayer1 and ,satan making the best of his opportunity sorely wounded me2 yea1 had slain me1 had not the sinner's friend stept in to rescue me1 and given me hope4 ,this hope was confirmed in meeting my class on ,tuesday4 ,blessed be his name for this6 ,but still this can't suffice1 unless he give me his dear self which my soul truly longeth for4 ,sunday #bi4 ,i spent the day profitable1 and comfortably1 thanks be to ,god4 ,mr4 ,tr preached in the evening on ,isaiah lv4 #a4 ,ho1 every one that thirsteth1 c4 ,o how sweet an invitation to the thirsty soul6 ,lord1 give me grace to accept it4 ,thursday evening my uncle preached on ,mark vii4 #bd4 ,but he could not be hid4 ,after sermon he informed us of ,mr4 ,pn's being taken to rest on ,sunday1 ,november #bb1 who about two months ago was standing in that pulpit1 inviting sinners to come to ,christ in the most earnest manner3 he then dined with us1 and after dinner sung a hymn very suitable1 7as it has proved7 for himself1 who was so soon to enter into the joy of his ,lord4 ,it was a funeral hymn1 and begun with these lines1 8,away with our sorrow and fear1 ,we soon shall recover our home1 ,the city of saints shall appear1 ,the day of eternity come4 8,from earth we shall quickly remove1 ,and mount to our native abode1 ,the house of our ,father above3 ,the palace of angels and ,god40 99,my mind was much taken up all the evening1 and the following day1 with the thought of death2 which occasioned many serious reflections4 ,i think if the ,lord would make me meet for glory1 ,i could 7young as ,i am17 quit the world1 and not leave a wish behind3 but the ,lord's will be done6 ,thursday1 ,december #aj4 ,my uncle gave an exceeding comfortable and profitable discourse from ,isaiah xl4 #a4 ,comfort ye1 ,comfort ye my people1 saith your ,god4 ,my soul was much refreshed1 herein ,god fulfilled that promise1 ,before they call1 ,i will answer1 for ,i went without the least expectation of a blessing1 and scarcely dared to pray for one1 knowing my great unworthiness4 ,however the ,lord met me1 and gave fresh hopes and desires1 for which may ,i bless his name1 while ,i have breath4 99,sunday #ac4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,ck preached a sermon on these awful words1 ,revelation vi4 #ag4 ,for the great day of his wrath is come1 and who shall be able to stand8 ,who indeed but those who have washed their robes1 and made them white in the blood of the ,lamb1 who have made the judge their friend6 ,these and these only shall stand with boldness in that day4 ,lord1 shall ,i be one of that number8 ,friday #be4 ,i found a blessing at the ,lord's table1 where ,i solemnly dedicated myself to him1 who gave himself for me4 ,o may it be unreservedly and irrevocably6 ,lord1 here is my heart2 ,o take and seal it2 seal it for thy courts above4 ,sunday #bg4 ,our house being in such confusion1 as it has been for some days past1 by reason of the sickness which has been in it1 my mind has not been in that composed sweet frame as ,i could wish3 but one blessing ,i have experienced1 which is1 ,i have been enabled to exercise patience1 so as not to murmur and fret1 tho' every thing has gone cross with me4 ,nay thro' the mercy of ,god1 ,i have rejoiced in it3 and been thankful for having an opportunity of chearfully bearing the cross2 for all which ,i desire to praise my ,god4 ,monday1 ,december #bc4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,tr made a useful discourse on ,lamentations iii4 #bb4 ,it is of the ,lord's mercies that we are not consumed1 because his compassions fail not4 ,he shewed the many ways whereby we might have been consumed2 and the many mercies we have received from ,god4 ,when ,i first went into the chapel1 my mind was exceedingly disturbed by many evil tempers4 ,but in singing this verse1 8,from anger set our spirits free1 ,it worketh not thy righteousness3 ,in patience let us wait on thee1 ,and quietly our souls possess30 ,the thought cross'd my mind3 shall ,i thus mock ,god2 pray to him to compose my mind1 while ,i am yielding to these tempers8 ,i resolved to strive against them3 thro' his strength ,i overcame them1 and found a blessing tho' entirely unexpected4 99,friday #bi4 ,i was confined to my bed1 being much indisposed4 ,o what a short transition from time to eternity6 ,i thought much of dying1 but felt no fear3 not because ,i was now ready1 but ,i firmly believed the ,lord would cut short his work in righteousness if he called me4 ,this illness1 after a day or two1 much increased1 and appeared to be a putrid fever3 but her mind continued stayed upon ,god4 ,about a fortnight1 after she was taken1 she expressed a full confidence in him1 being wholly delivered from the fear of death4 ,a few days after1 her speech and hearing were taken away1 by the violence of her distemper4 ,but it was easy to discern1 that her understanding remained1 tho' she could converse with none but ,god4 ,her eyes and hands almost continually lifted up1 shewed her heart was still with him4 ,in her greatest agonies of pain1 there was not the least mark of impatience3 till on ,january the #bast1 #agfh1 about four o'clock in the afternoon1 she quietly resigned her spirit to ,god4 ,an ,extract from the ,,journal of ,,elizabeth ,,harper4 ,to the ,,reader4 #a4 ,,to set the doctrine of ,christian perfection too high1 is the ready way to drive it out of the world4 ,let a man only describe it1 as implying a freedom from mistakes and human infirmities2 and whoever knows there is no such freedom in this life1 naturally concludes1 8,there is no perfection40 ,hence we should always carefully guard against this1 by insisting1 it is no more and no less1 than giving ,god all our heart3 loving him with all our heart1 and our neighbour as ourselves4 #b4 ,this is well consistent with a thousand infirmities1 which belong to every soul while in the body4 ,to place this in the clearest and fullest light1 ,i have published the following extract from the artless journal of a plain woman1 wrote merely for her own use4 ,i have no doubt1 but ,god had all her heart4 ,but yet how many were her infirmities6 ,and these are the more apparent1 because she was a person of no uncommon endowments2 one that had just plain1 natural understanding1 without any advantage of education1 and who wrote down daily just what she felt1 with all possible artlessness and simplicity4 ,the chief of these are1 wandering thoughts 7whether natural or preter-natural37 listlessness in private prayer 7,i believe1 entirely owing to bodily disorder37 hurry in business 7it seems1 not apparent to others1 though frequently felt by herself37 want of a steddy1 invariable advertence to the presence of ,god3 speaking too many words1 more than were strictly necessary3 speaking through ignorance1 a word not strictly true3 speaking sometimes too quick1 so as to have the appearance of anger3 omission of things which had better be done4 ,perhaps one might mention likewise under this head1 such vehement temptations to anger1 to impatience1 to fretfulness1 to immoderate sorrow1 and to follow her own will1 that at divers times she escaped with the skin of her teeth1 and scarce knew whether she escaped or not4 ,so particular a detail of these things1 may be of singular use to those who find the same temptations3 and who may be encouraged hereby1 to hold the beginning of their confidence stedfast unto the end4 #c4 ,but it may be objected1 8,if perfection means only that love which is consistent with all these infirmities1 then how does it differ from what is experienced by every believer80 ,i answer1 #a4 ,many are delivered from these infirmities1 in a far greater measure than she was4 ,i judge her to have been a real witness of ,christian perfection1 but only in a low degree4 #b4 ,whom do you know that experiences even what she did1 that never-failing love of ,god and man1 that uninterrupted calmness of mind1 that invariable meekness1 gentleness1 humility8 ,that continual hunger and thirst after righteousness after the entire image of ,god8 ,above all1 that absolute1 unreserved dependence upon ,christ1 as the fountain of every good and perfect gift1 of all holiness and happiness8 ,does every believer experience this8 ,i will be bold to say1 not one in a thousand4 ,i suppose not one upon earth1 unless he has received another gift1 widely different from what he received when he was justified4 ,at least ,i know no one in the three kingdoms1 who comes up to this experience1 7besides a few in their first love17 unless after justification he has found a second change wrought in a moment4 ,however1 concerning that circumstance we need not dispute1 whether it be wrought gradually or instantaneously4 ,only let the change be wrought4 ,only let our souls be renewed in the whole image of ,god4 ,only let all that mind be in us1 which was also in ,christ ,jesus3 let him reign in our hearts without a rival2 at all times and in all places4 ,let us be all devoted to him in soul and in body3 and let all our thoughts1 and words1 and actions1 be continually offered up to ,god1 as holy sacrifices acceptable to ,god through ,christ4 #d4 ,a few more circumstances relating to this amiable woman1 may not be unacceptable to the reader4 ,elizabeth1 the daughter of ,william and ,joan ,tuck1 was born at ,penzance1 ,december #bj1 #agcd4 ,she was brought to ,redruth1 when about four years old1 and as she grew up1 lived as other harmless people did4 ,june #cj1 #agee1 she was married to one ,andrew ,harper1 a shopkeeper of ,redruth2 and three or four years after1 she became weak and sickly4 ,at the same time she grew distrest in her mind1 which she strove to remove by various ways2 but all to no purpose4 ,in the latter end of the year #agfc1 a fever brought her to the brink of eternity4 ,she was greatly afraid to die3 and hearing there were some in the town1 who had no fear of death1 she intreated her husband1 without delay1 to send for one of the preachers4 ,conversing with him1 she saw the way of conquering the fear of death4 ,she soon recovered her health1 and from that time sought the ,lord with her whole heart1 till on ,easter-day 7having joined the society before7 as she was receiving the ,lord's supper1 these words were strongly applied to her soul1 ,it is ,god that justifieth3 who is he that condemneth8 ,she went home1 called her husband1 and said1 8,now all my sins are forgiven4 ,i am not afraid to die now3 for ,i love ,god1 and ,i know he loves me40 #e4 ,from this time she walked closely with ,god1 and was hearty and zealous in his cause4 ,there was nothing in her power1 which she was not ready to do for the servants or children of ,god4 ,she was exceedingly tempted1 after she believed ,god had cleansed her from inbred sin4 ,of this she gives a large account in her journal3 but she did not cast away her confidence4 ,when she saw death approaching1 she was not moved1 but calmly looked up to ,god4 ,she exhorted her husband1 and all near her1 not to love the world1 or the things of the world4 ,a little after she said1 8,lord1 thou knowest all things3 thou knowest that ,i love thee4 ,thou knowest1 it hath been my only desire1 to please thee3 ,come1 ,lord ,jesus6 ,come1 and sanctify me throughout1 spirit1 soul and body6 ,o come quickly40 ,in a little time she cried1 8,he is come6 ,he is come60 ,and presently fell asleep4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,,extract from her ,,journal4 ,,august #h1 #agfe4 ,after breakfast1 as ,i was at prayer1 the ,lord broke in upon my soul4 ,o may he hasten the happy time1 when ,i shall be filled with his fulness1 and assist me to believe to full salvation6 ,o that he would make me a clean heart1 and renew a right spirit within me6 ,friday #i4 ,blessed be his name1 he has kept me this day1 amidst all the hurry of business4 ,i long to get into the glorious liberty of his dear children4 ,may the ,lord increase my faith1 and confirm my hope1 for my dear ,redeemer's sake6 ,saturday #aj4 ,i was with some who do not hold 8sinless perfection10 as they call it1 to be attainable here4 ,afterwards ,i found1 the talking about their opinion was not of use to me4 ,it only damped my spirit4 ,may the ,lord of his great goodness lead me into all truth6 ,sunday #aa4 ,we were talking of ,christian experience1 which is useful in its place2 but ,i fear1 ,i talked too much4 ,lord1 give me a tender conscience1 8the slightest touch of sin to feel40 ,monday #ab4 ,to-day1 glory be to his name1 ,i have had power over my besetting sin4 ,i hope1 it will not be long before ,i have an evidence1 that he has made an end of my inbred sin4 ,may he ever keep me humble1 and fill me with love1 more to be desired than gold1 yea1 than much fine gold4 99,afterward ,i was talking with a ,christian friend concerning this blessing2 and we saw1 that none can receive it1 till they feel the want of it first1 and that then it must be received by simple faith alone4 ,i said1 8,suppose ,i begin to live now1 and believe from this time80 ,she said1 8,that is the right way40 ,lord ,i do believe3 help my unbelief1 and increase my faith more and more4 ,when ,i was going to bed1 ,i found great confidence in the ,lord4 ,may he increase it to the perfect day6 ,tuesday #ac4 ,glory be to ,god1 this has been a day of marrow and fat things to my soul4 ,may he keep me low at his feet1 and humble me in the very dust before his glorious ,majesty6 ,wednesday #ad4 ,i waked with1 ,now is the ax laid to the root of the tree4 ,may the ,lord root up whatever is not of his own planting6 ,glory be to his name for what he has done4 ,i have not found any anger rise in me this day4 ,but ,i was surprised at private prayer two or three times1 with something striking me between the shoulders as with a dart4 ,whatever it is1 may the ,lord give me power over it1 and take it from me in his own due time4 ,thursday #ae4 ,i was much distrest for a clearer evidence1 and cried to ,god1 to increase my faith4 ,in reproving a person1 ,i found something rise as quick as thought4 ,but ,i looked to the ,lord1 and it was gone4 ,friday #af4 ,blessed be ,god1 he has shewn me to-day my weakness and helplessness more than ever4 ,i am amazed to see the greatness of ,god1 as well as his unbounded love in ,christ ,jesus1 ,i see1 that unless he save me by free grace1 ,i must perish for ever4 ,this morning ,i can believe he has given me the blessing4 ,glory be to ,god for ever and ever6 ,saturday #ag4 ,blessed be his name1 that ,i desire nothing1 but to know ,jesus ,christ1 and him crucified2 and that ,i feel1 he suffered and died for me4 ,may my heart be ever melted down into the profoundest humility and self-abasement before his awful ,majesty6 ,tuesday #bj4 ,for two or three days ,i have been confined to my bed1 but my mind is stayed upon ,god3 and ,i loath the very appearance of sin2 ,i would not deceive myself for the world4 ,lord1 give me to try myself by thy word1 weigh myself in the balance of the sanctuary6 ,wednesday #ba4 ,i told one to-day1 8,if you die in the state you are in1 you will go to hell40 ,i spoke it purely for the good of her soul4 ,yet the minute ,i spoke1 something shocked me1 and ,i was afraid1 it was too harsh4 ,may the ,lord pardon what was amiss in it1 and enable me to speak in a more proper manner for the time to come6 ,thursday #bb4 ,o what have ,i felt this day by anger6 ,may the ,lord speak peace anew to my soul1 and fill me again with his love1 and make an utter end of sin in me1 for ,jesus ,christ's sake6 ,friday #bc4 ,i was greatly tempted with anger this day3 but glory be to ,god1 it did not break out4 ,may the ,lord destroy it1 root and branch1 for it is the trouble of my soul4 ,may ,i never be at ease till he roots up this and every bitter root besides6 ,saturday #bd4 ,glory be to ,god1 it is still my desire to be cleansed from all sin4 ,and is he not able and willing to do it now8 ,may he enable me to believe1 bless me with his love1 and keep me ever in it6 ,monday #bf4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i desire nothing but to be freed from every thing contrary to his love1 and to be wholly dedicated to his service4 ,this day ,i strongly cried to ,god1 to be delivered from all sin1 and to have his ,spirit witness it to my spirit3 and ,i could plead the promise for it4 ,and whatever sin he saves me from1 may ,i give him all the glory6 ,tuesday #bg4 ,glory be to ,god1 this has been a day of longing desire to be filled with his full salvation2 and ,i felt more pain for want of this1 than ever ,i did when under conviction1 for want of pardon4 ,i have felt a very sore heart1 to be cleansed from the in-being of sin2 blessed be ,god for it4 ,i believe1 he is able and willing to do this3 ,i believe1 ,his will is my sanctification4 ,o that ,i may believe he will do it now6 ,the ,lord enable me1 to believe it from this time6 ,and may ,i watch always1 pray without ceasing1 and in every thing give thanks6 ,may my life be one continual looking-up to ,jesus the captain of my salvation6 ,wednesday #bh4 ,my heart is still sore1 because ,i cannot yet believe1 that the ,lord has made an end of in-being sin4 ,but ,i hope to see the happy moment1 and to have the divine evidence within me4 ,may ,i be determined to wrestle for it in mighty prayer1 and expect it every moment6 ,friday #cj4 ,how shall ,i praise the ,lord1 for what he has done for my soul8 ,o the love of a dear ,redeemer to sinful dust and ashes6 ,praise the ,lord1 ,o my soul1 and all that is within me praise his holy name4 ,sunday1 ,september #a4 ,lord1 enable me to believe4 ,help my unbelief6 ,cleanse me from all filthiness of flesh and spirit1 that ,i may perfect holiness in the fear of ,god4 ,monday #b4 ,glory be to ,god1 tho' ,i am tempted2 ,i do not now find any thing in me1 to side with the temptation4 ,if the ,lord has cast out my enemy1 may he keep him out for ever6 99,tuesday #c4 ,glory be to ,god1 that he has increased my faith4 ,temptations assault2 but they have no place in me4 ,yet ,i was jealous over myself1 lest ,i spoke too much1 with some of our ,christian friends4 ,how careful should we be1 particularly among ,christians6 ,for then we are too apt to be most off our guard4 ,wednesday #d4 ,i find ,i am solemnly staid on ,god3 and my one desire is1 to comprehend the length1 and breadth1 and depth1 and height of that love which passeth knowledge4 ,yet the enemy presses sore at me with temptations2 but ,i have power from ,god to stand against them4 ,o how shall ,i praise the ,lord for his goodness8 ,may silence speak his praise6 ,saturday #g4 ,glory be to ,god1 he does increase my faith4 ,but ,i have been much troubled with wandering thoughts4 ,the ,lord give me power to overcome them all1 and look every moment to my dear ,redeemer6 99,sunday #h4 ,glory be to ,god1 that we have once more seen thy servant1 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley in the body4 ,but this morning1 being glad to see our friends1 ,i doubt1 ,i was carried away with over-much joy4 ,may the ,lord keep me on such occasions upon my watch-tower for the time to come6 ,monday #i4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i can still believe4 ,satan thrusts sore at me with his fiery darts4 ,but they have no point3 they cannot enter my soul3 the ,lord keeps me in the trying hour4 ,thursday #ab4 ,i rose with new desires to seek the ,lord1 and ,i found him at the morning preaching4 ,after dinner1 some of our neighbours were talking of one that had wronged them1 and ,i thought it was better ,i should be reading my bible4 ,so ,i withdrew4 ,glory be to ,god who gave me light to see1 and power to take the safer path4 ,in the evening some were pleading for a wilderness-state4 ,i told them1 that was not the ,lord's will concerning us3 and ,i found freedom to tell them what he had done for my soul4 ,o may he keep me low at his feet1 depending upon him every moment for fresh supplies of grace6 ,friday #ac4 ,thanks be to ,god1 ,i am at peace with ,god and all men1 and love them all for ,christ's sake4 ,i see1 ,i am myself all weakness3 yet ,i can do all things through ,christ's strengthening me4 ,his mercies are new unto me every morning4 ,o may he give me a thankful heart6 ,sunday #ae4 ,i was much tempted with wandering thoughts at church1 and to anger about the children3 but1 glory be to ,god1 ,i perceived the enemy in his first approach1 and looked for strength1 and received it4 ,may the ,lord give me a watchful1 praying spirit1 and fill my soul with humble love6 ,monday #af4 ,was the quarterly meeting1 and ,mr4 ,w4 was there4 ,i wanted to go2 but continually another and another business interposed4 ,i was often tempted to impatience2 but ,i saw the temptation just as it came1 and it fled away4 ,at the love-feast1 ,i stood up to speak3 but ,i had only spoke two or three words1 when ,mr4 ,furz 7,i suppose not hearing me7 concluded4 ,i was tempted to be displeased2 but it took no place1 the ,lord giving me strength4 ,tuesday #ag4 ,what a solemn morning was this6 ,dear ,mr4 ,w4 preached his farewel sermon4 ,may the ,lord graft it on my heart1 and brighten my evidence more and more4 ,i have had reasonings to-day1 whether the work was done3 but glory be to ,god1 ,i cannot doubt of it4 ,i cannot doubt1 but he has cast out sin4 ,may he keep it out for ever6 99,wednesday #ah4 ,i am afraid1 lest ,i should think something of myself4 ,o may the ,lord keep the foot of pride from me6 ,it is of his free mercy that ,i am out of hell1 and that ,i am preserved to this hour4 ,and ,i must still perish1 if he were extreme to mark my misdoings1 and if he did not wash my most holy things in his blood4 ,thursday #ai4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i have been stayed upon him this day1 and desiring to be filled with all his fulness4 ,o for this spirit of prayer at all times1 and in all places1 to set the ,lord always before me6 ,saturday #ba4 ,my whole desire1 is to have every thought1 word and work1 brought into the obedience of ,christ1 and to have my soul always ascending to ,god1 wherever ,i am1 and whatever ,i am about4 ,this evening he was pleased to brighten my evidence4 ,may he wash and keep me clean every moment6 ,wednesday #be4 ,this has been a day of temptation and trial on every side2 but glory be to ,god1 ,i could rejoice in the midst of it4 ,may the ,lord always give me to see the difference between sin and temptation6 ,thursday #bf4 ,i often feel a soreness of heart1 as sore as if it had been cutting4 ,may the ,lord give me to know1 whether it is from him1 or from any thing ,i have done amiss6 ,if it is1 may he bring it to my mind1 that ,i may bring it to him and have it done away6 ,sunday #bi4 ,i have found this a solemn day to my soul3 especially at church in the morning1 at the noon preaching1 and in the afternoon1 while three of us were conversing together on spiritual things4 ,o may we meet1 where we shall cast our crowns before the ,lamb1 and praise him to all eternity6 ,monday #cj4 ,i know what the soreness of heart means4 ,truly ,i am sick of love4 ,come into thy garden1 my love1 my dove1 thou chiefest of ten thousand6 ,o what amazing love1 that thou and thy ,father should condescend to dwell with dust and ashes6 ,thou ,god of love1 make me truly thankful for all thy benefits6 ,thursday1 ,october #c4 ,this morning the body craved rest2 but ,i forced myself to rise4 ,indeed1 my delight is in the law of the ,lord1 and in his law do ,i exercise myself day and night4 ,it was an happy day4 ,but toward evening ,i was not so lively4 ,my body sunk under me4 ,and the enemy of souls is ready at every turn4 ,but1 blessed be ,god1 ,i was more than conqueror4 ,friday #d4 ,i was greatly blessed with the love of ,god4 ,o how happy is it1 to love him with all our heart8 ,yet in the afternoon1 thro' hurry of business1 ,i was much tempted to peevishness4 ,but glory be to ,god1 he saved me from it4 ,let me die rather than offend him6 ,saturday #e4 ,i went to bring home my little child from my mother-in-law's4 ,on the road ,i called to see a neighbour1 who asked for my husband and mother4 ,i said1 without thinking1 they gave their service to her4 ,but how was ,i surprised1 as soon as the words were out of my mouth6 ,i cried to ,god for pardon1 yet continued in heaviness all the day1 and at night was almost afraid to go to sleep4 ,in the morning1 while several of us were at prayer1 it pleased ,god to set me at liberty4 ,tuesday #h4 ,i had great freedom in prayer with my friends1 before ,i came away4 ,i had a solemn sense of ,god all the way home1 admiring his wisdom and greatness and goodness in all his works4 ,but ,i am afraid1 when ,i said1 8,put the best cloth on my pillion1 not the maid's10 lest there should be pride in it4 ,if there was1 ,lord1 take it all away1 and save me from it for the time to come6 ,friday #aa4 ,i was much out of order in body1 yet happy in soul4 ,but at noon ,i spoke a word unadvisedly1 which afflicted me much4 ,the ,lord pardon me1 and give me power to watch over my every thought1 and word1 and action6 ,saturday #ab4 ,this being the fair-day1 was a time of much hurry3 but1 blessed be ,god1 ,i was kept in peace4 ,and often ,i enjoy blessed communion with ,god1 and can1 as it were1 grasp my ,saviour with earnest affection4 ,indeed he is precious to my soul4 ,he is all ,i desire in earth or heaven4 ,sunday #ac4 ,thinking of going to ,truro1 ,i cut a piece of oil-case1 and pinned on my bonnet1 to keep off the rain4 ,but it came to me soon after1 8,have not you been doing work on the ,lord's-day80 ,i was affrighted1 and cried to ,god3 and quickly his peace flowed back into my heart4 ,tuesday #be4 ,i was assaulted by a strong temptation to lightness4 ,but1 glory be to ,god1 ,i was not overcome4 ,afterwards ,i was roughly accused1 for speaking a word that was not took well4 ,if ,i sinned therein1 may the ,lord humble me for it1 and teach me to guard my words4 ,may ,i live no longer1 but to adorn the gospel of ,god my ,saviour4 ,friday #ah4 ,i was tempted to set my heart on our garden4 ,but ,i cried for help and was delivered4 ,i hope to use both this1 and every thing else1 with a single eye to the glory of ,god4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i have solid1 settled peace2 and find my heart enlarged1 to promote his glory as far as lies in my power4 ,may he assist me1 and keep me to the end6 ,saturday #ai4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i see and feel my own weakness more and more4 ,my soul is greatly drawn out after ,god1 for a larger measure of grace4 ,o may ,i be throughly 8,willing to receive1 ,what thy goodness waits to give60 ,tuesday #bb4 ,this has been a day of trial1 even from my nearest friend4 ,but1 glory be to ,god1 ,i have been kept in peace2 though without ,christ ,i cannot stand a moment4 ,i long to be nearer ,christ1 and to have a more awful sense of ,god's presence in my worldly business4 ,lord1 take away the spirit of forgetfulness from me1 and let me set thee always before me4 8wordly0 replaced with 8worldly0 ,friday #be4 ,i was waked this morning by the cries of my little child1 who was very ill4 ,i asked the maid to get up1 and light the fire4 ,she was unwilling1 and spoke quick4 ,i answered quick1 8,i wonder you can lie by the child1 and hear him cry so40 ,immediately ,i felt a danger of anger1 and stopped short1 glory be to ,god4 ,saturday #bf4 ,i kept my bed most part of the day1 and was likewise heavy in spirit1 and had hardly any power to pray4 ,but in the evening ,i was greatly comforted1 in thinking how glorious the change would be1 when this mortal would put on immortality1 and death be swallowed up in victory4 ,monday #bh4 ,my little boy continued exceeding ill3 ,i was quite resigned concerning him1 only desiring it might please ,god1 to ease his pain1 either by life or by death4 ,but ,i want more patience3 ,i want a more feeling sense of the sufferings of our ,lord1 which he endured for me1 though he knew no sin4 ,and shall ,i1 who deserve hell1 complain of any thing8 ,saturday ,november #b4 ,my child being very unruly1 ,i had a struggle to avoid anger in correcting her4 ,may the ,lord enable me1 to keep my watch every moment2 otherwise ,i cannot but fall4 ,monday #d4 ,this has been a blessed day of communion with ,god1 particularly in private prayer4 ,and yet ,i feel sin and ,satan always near4 ,but ,i find ,christ nearer still4 ,wednesday #f4 ,glory be to ,god1 my whole desire is1 to know more of myself1 and more of ,god3 to see more of ,god in every thing1 and to be filled with a deeper awe of his constant presence4 ,thursday #g4 ,blessed be the ,lord for patience1 under the unkind treatment of my nearest and dearest friends4 ,i have been this week much drawn out in prayer1 for the souls of all people4 ,but ,i longed most of all for the prosperity of ,sion1 and that the ,lord might ever reign supreme in mine own heart4 ,tuesday #ab4 ,some part of the day1 ,i was dull and heavy2 till ,i cried to the ,lord1 and he quickened me4 ,in the afternoon1 when the maid spoke1 ,i felt lightness flashing on me as quick as lightning4 ,but the ,lord lifted up his standard against it3 and it went as quick as it came4 ,may he keep me from it as from the greatest of sins2 for indeed there is no little sin in the sight of ,god4 ,wednesday #ac4 ,this has been a day of strong prayer1 and ,god has blessed me in a glorious manner4 ,yet the powers of darkness surrounded me in private prayer1 so that sometimes ,i was almost afraid4 ,but ,i cried to the ,lord1 and he refreshed my soul2 and ,i could say with dear confidence1 ,though ,i walk through the valley of the shadow of death1 ,i will fear no evil4 ,monday #ah4 ,i spoke a word unawares1 which ,i was afterwards afraid1 was not true4 ,then it came to me1 8,where is your clean heart now80 ,but immediately ,i cried to ,god1 8,lord1 give me power to watch over my words1 and always to think before ,i speak40 ,wednesday #bj4 ,blessed be ,god1 he has kept me this day also1 and refreshed me with the showers of his grace4 ,yet the enemy questioned my evidence1 and said1 it was only justification which ,i experienced4 ,but ,i know him to be a liar from the beginning4 ,afterwards1 in the hurry of business1 he strove to sow peevishness in me3 but ,i begged the ,lord to keep me from it1 and he heard me4 ,saturday #bc4 ,i was heavy in soul1 and had many profane words brought before me4 ,sometimes also it was suggested1 8,thou wilt destroy thyself30 at other times1 8,thou hast committed the unpardonable sin40 ,the ,lord keep me in the hour of temptation1 and from the hour of temptation6 ,monday #be4 ,this was a blessed day to my soul4 ,my mind was solemnly stayed on ,god4 ,all the clouds were dispersed1 and the sun of righteousness shone upon me again4 ,tuesday #bf4 ,our leader not coming1 ,i was desired to lead the band4 ,it was a cross to me1 for fear ,i should not discharge my duty4 ,but the ,lord gave me a word to speak to each1 and power to wrestle for them in prayer4 ,yet at night1 ,i had much reasoning1 whether ,i had spoken right2 and then it was suggested1 ,i had done well4 ,the ,lord give me power to flee from pride1 in every kind and degree6 ,thursday #bh4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,christ was exceeding precious to me this morning4 ,o what love had ,i for ,christ6 ,the ,lord fill me with love every moment6 ,saturday #cj4 ,i find my short-comings daily1 and am amazed at the goodness of ,god4 ,i was much distressed this evening1 because1 ,i did not take up my cross1 and give thanks after tea1 though we had strangers4 ,the ,lord pardon me for it1 and make me bolder for the time to come6 8did0 replaced with 8,i did0 per ,errata ,tuesday1 ,december #c4 ,blessed be ,god1 he raised me up to hear his word4 ,and it was spirit and life to my soul4 ,o what has he done for me1 a sinner8 ,he has saved me from guilt and from in-bred corruption1 and has filled me with love4 ,now let patience have its perfect work6 ,wednesday #d4 ,pride has presented itself to-day3 but ,i looked unto ,god1 and there was nothing in me to join with it3 glory be to his name6 ,i found great love to my sisters1 and to some in particular4 ,sometimes ,i think1 whether it is only a natural love3 but ,i am soon assured1 ,i love them only for ,christ's sake4 ,indeed my heart is inlarged toward all mankind2 though particularly the people of ,god4 ,but ,i want more faith and patience4 ,i want to be more humble and meek4 ,o may ,i be all like a little child6 99,friday #f4 ,i used abstinence2 and mourned1 that ,i could not deny myself more4 ,when ,i think1 what my ,lord suffered for me1 what a little is it1 to suffer the loss of an ordinary meal for him8 ,o may it be my meat and drink1 to do his blessed will on earth1 as it is done in heaven6 ,saturday #g4 ,i advised with some of my friends1 about dressing meat on ,sunday4 ,so ,i dressed meat to-night for our dinner to-morrow1 according to their advice1 and resolved hereafter 7whoever was pleased or displeased7 to obey ,god rather than man4 ,i had afterwards some sharp words concerning it3 but a soft answer turned away wrath4 ,tuesday #aj4 ,we had sharp words again to-day1 but1 glory be to ,god1 ,i had patience4 ,i did not make any reply1 and found nothing but love in my heart4 ,may ,god give me the whole mind which was in my blessed ,lord6 ,thursday #ab4 ,amidst the troubles and trials of the ungodly1 ,i had the refreshing springs of my ,lord's love and grace4 ,at night ,i was dull and sleepy before family-prayer3 but then the ,lord quickened my soul4 ,i have been begging of him to-day more faith1 more watchfulness1 more humility3 more understanding in his word1 more knowledge of ,satan's devices1 and power to shun them at the first approach4 ,and ,o may he wash my best performances in his precious blood6 ,may ,i still take great delight in the law of the ,lord1 and keep his commandments with my whole heart6 99,sunday #ae4 ,after ,i went to bed1 ,i was much distrest1 for cutting a ribband to wear4 ,i was never till now convinced1 that it was prophaning the ,lord's-day3 blessed be ,god for convincing now6 ,o what trouble was ,i in for a quarter of an hour6 ,but ,i cried to ,god1 and he rose on my soul again4 ,may he abide therein1 till time shall commence a glorious eternity6 ,tuesday #ag4 ,i had a difficult talk in the evening1 being obliged to lead the band4 ,o how insufficient am ,i for such a work6 ,i did not think it was so great a thing before4 ,the ,lord pardon whatever ,i said amiss4 ,there seemed to be a cloud over us in prayer4 ,if the cause was in me1 the ,lord reveal it1 and take it away1 for ,christ's sake6 ,sunday #bb4 ,the enemy presented pride to me3 but1 blessed be ,god1 ,i looked to him1 and it fled away4 ,i hope1 he will never be able any more to sow this seed in my heart4 ,monday #bc4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i have found more love to my dear ,saviour to-day than ever ,i did4 ,o what hungering and thirsting did ,i feel1 to do his will1 as it is done in heaven8 ,wednesday #be4 ,this has been a blessed day to my soul2 though ,i was grieved for the sloth of some of our family1 who would not rise to the early preaching4 ,the ,lord stir them up to redouble their diligence4 ,the enemy accused me to-day1 of going with too much boldness to the ,lord's table4 ,but ,i know it is only free grace that has enabled me so to do4 ,friday #bg4 ,this has been a day of trial3 but blessed be ,god1 ,i was kept in perfect peace4 ,yet ,i could not but feel heaviness for my dear friends1 to think of their precious1 never-dying souls4 ,the ,lord give me a tender concern for them1 and enable me to pray for them1 and never cease4 99,tuesday #ca4 ,i spoke an improper word1 which threw me into great heaviness4 ,but ,i cried to ,god1 8,lord1 thou knowest1 ,i would not offend thee willingly3 ,i would sooner put my hand in the fire40 ,and he was graciously pleased to bless me that instant4 ,but ,i saw1 while ,i was at prayer1 that ,i had been talking about religion in too light a manner4 ,the ,lord pardon me1 and give more awe and reverence1 for the time to come6 ,wednesday1 ,january #a1 #agff4 ,i found an increase of love to ,god and his people4 ,in the evening the power of ,god was upon the congregation1 in a glorious manner4 ,we sat under the droppings of his sanctuary1 and rejoiced in him with joy unspeakable4 ,thursday #b4 ,glory be to ,god1 my heart was inlarged1 to love him with every faculty of my soul1 with most ardent love to the children of ,god1 and tender affection to all men4 ,tuesday #g4 ,my dear ,m raged against me much4 ,lord lay not the sin to her charge6 ,and say to the enemy1 8,hitherto shalt thou go1 and no farther40 ,i am much out of order in body1 and do not find my spirit so lively as it was2 perhaps through bodily weakness4 ,but ,i can still rejoice in ,god1 and love him with all my heart4 ,thursday #i4 ,i was tempted to peevishness this morning2 but ,i prayed1 and it found no place in me4 ,i had likewise thoughts about my husband1 because he did not come home so soon as ,i expected4 ,but ,i looked to the ,lord1 and was resigned to whatever he would please to lay upon me4 ,saturday #aa4 ,this has been a day of sore temptation3 yet mine enemy gained no advantage over me4 ,but ,i want to bear the cross more chearfully2 for to-day ,i wept under it3 though it was only1 to think one who professed religion1 should act so contrary to it4 ,sunday #ab4 ,the enemy was let loose upon me inwardly1 as well as outwardly4 ,he suggested1 8,what will become of thee8 ,thou wilt make an end of thyself1 and be cast away at last40 ,i had scarce power to look to ,god1 and thought it did not signify to strive any more4 ,but1 before ,i slept1 he returned and healed my soul4 ,may he give more liberty1 love and power6 8npon0 replaced with 8upon0 ,saturday #ah4 ,i have been much out of order for several days1 and have not rose to the morning preaching4 ,if there is any sloth in me1 the ,lord give me to see it2 ,i am not sensible of it4 ,and ,i hope the ,lord accepts of the will1 as the power is taken from me4 ,in the evening1 my brother-in-law being with us1 and my husband being unwilling to pray1 ,i delayed praying till my brother was gone to bed4 ,but it came to me afterward1 8,who art thou that thou art afraid of a man that shall die80 ,the ,lord pardon me for it4 ,i hope whether my husband prays or no1 ,i shall not omit it for the time to come4 ,monday #bg4 ,glory be to ,god for his unbounded mercies to such a rebel as me6 ,what blessings has he given me this day8 ,how happy have ,i been in his love8 ,may he keep the door of my mouth1 that ,i may never more speak unadvisedly with my lips6 ,and above all1 may he keep my heart1 that ,i may no more reason against him4 ,wednesday #bi4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,christ has been exceeding precious to me to-day4 ,o how my heart was enlarged to poor souls6 ,if ,i could have my liberty1 ,i would spend all the time in the service of ,god1 and have nothing to do with the world4 ,yet ,i see my own helplessness more and more1 and that it is of pure love ,i am out of hell4 ,friday #ca4 ,to-day ,i had a solemn sense of ,god1 while ,i was in my business1 and had much watchfulness over my words1 saying continually in my heart1 8,the ,lord sees me60 ,glory be to his name6 ,monday1 ,february #c4 ,glory be to ,god this has been a solemn day to my soul4 ,in the evening my poor ,m raged greatly3 but ,i was enabled to stand in the hour of trial4 ,sunday #i4 ,blessed be ,god1 my evidence was as clear as the shining of the sun4 ,yet in the evening ,i was much tempted by the enemy1 causing many wicked oaths to pass before my mind4 ,but in the midst of all ,i could rejoice in ,god1 knowing in whom ,i had believed4 ,monday #aj4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i desire nothing1 but to drink deeper and deeper of his spirit4 ,i see my evidence clear2 but ,i see more and more of my own weakness1 and long to live more to his glory4 ,i am jealous over myself1 because ,i do not rise in the morning as ,i used to do4 ,surely it is not because ,i shun the cross3 for ,i do love him with all my whole heart4 ,may he deepen his work of grace in my soul1 and stamp his whole image upon my heart6 ,friday #ba4 ,two men coming in1 one of whom was in drink1 as we were going to drink tea1 ,i thought it would be more form than devotion1 to ask a blessing openly4 ,so ,i shunned the cross4 ,but ,i suffered for it afterward4 ,the ,lord be praised1 that he did not enter into judgment with me1 but gave me time to draw near him through the ,son of his love4 ,may he make me more fruitful for the future4 ,saturday #bb4 ,i was twice tempted to-day to anger in the shape of zeal4 ,but ,i saw the snare1 blessed be ,god1 and fled from it4 ,in the evening ,i was much distressed with wandrings in the public service3 all which ,i believe1 proceeded from my omission yesterday4 ,the ,lord help me to watch and pray more1 lest ,i enter into temptation6 ,monday #be4 ,at the love feast1 ,i was in pain most of the time1 longing to break through3 and yet ,i could not declare what ,god had done for my soul4 ,the ,lord pardon me for my omission6 ,i believe he is deepening his work in me4 ,he does sit upon me as a refiner's fire4 ,thursday #bg4 ,glory be to ,god1 he discovers more and more of his love1 to me the unworthiest of his creatures4 ,yet1 ,i doubt1 ,i was not so watchful as ,i ought1 some part of this day4 ,and ,i fear1 ,i lay in bed too long this morning4 ,the ,lord help me to use more violence to myself6 ,monday1 ,march #c4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i enjoy perfect peace amidst the storms of an ungrateful world4 ,in trials from the world1 and trials from them of my own houshold1 he is my strong hold1 to which ,i always resort4 ,yet ,i find the company of the world a great burden1 when ,i am obliged to be with them in my business4 ,i want power to reprove them more4 ,the ,lord help me in this also6 ,thursday #f4 ,glory be to ,god ,i am amazed when ,i think of his goodness and my unworthiness4 ,how did he bless me this evening at the room8 ,i found ,i was all light in the ,lord4 ,how pure has he made my heart through faith6 ,it is all of grace1 free grace4 ,this was a day of trial3 but1 blessed be ,god it was no trial to me1 because the ,lord took off the burden4 ,only ,i was concerned for their souls4 ,lord1 save them1 for thy dear name sake6 ,monday #aj4 ,glory be to ,god for the blessings of this day4 ,o how did he bless me this evening8 ,i wept to see the goodness of ,god in ,christ ,jesus toward me and all poor sinners4 ,i find indeed a busy foe4 ,but his grace is sufficient for me4 ,i have my evidence still clear4 ,the ,lord give me to pray always3 make me thankful1 keep me humble1 and keep me to the end6 ,thursday #ac4 ,i was attacked with a light spirit to-day1 which ,i dread and abhor4 ,and all the company was assaulted with it at the same time3 but the ,lord sent us help in the time of need4 ,friday #ba4 ,i rose to the preaching this morning1 though my body complained4 ,still1 in the midst of trials1 my desire is1 to know more of ,god and to live nearer to him4 ,i had peace all this day1 and power to look to ,god1 in all the hurry of my business4 ,glory be to his holy name1 for all is blessings1 temporal and spiritual4 ,sunday #bc4 ,i was much grieved at church1 to hear people mocking ,god1 by saying what they do not believe1 and what they will flatly deny1 as soon as they are out of church4 ,it made me doubt1 whether ,i ought to go to church or not8 ,but ,i considered1 ,i am not to look to them3 ,i am to look to ,god only4 ,monday #ca4 ,blessed be ,god1 that ,i am out of hell1 that ,i have hope of seeing him in glory1 and that he gives me now to commune with him1 even as a man with his friend4 ,yet ,i want to be more watchful over my words4 ,i believe it is my privilege to speak no more words than are necessary1 and to the glory of ,god4 ,the ,lord pardon me for speaking amiss to-day1 and keep me every moment watching unto prayer6 ,tuesday1 ,april #a4 ,this has been a day of blessed humiliation to my soul1 on account of my past life4 ,i stand amazed at the goodness of ,god toward me4 ,blessed be his name1 for giving me this evenness of mind4 ,but ,i have need1 to come out of myself more1 and to rely more on ,christ3 the ,lord increase my faith1 and enable me so to do6 ,friday #aa4 ,blessed be ,god1 for the peace ,i still enjoy amidst a world of business3 ,but ,i want to sink down continually into the depths of humble love4 ,i have not to-day so much comfort as ,i often enjoy4 ,but ,i can rely upon my ,god3 and ,i can appeal to him1 it is my one care1 to please him in all things4 ,sunday #ac4 ,glory be to ,god1 for a peace that passeth all understanding4 ,but ,i have not felt so much of his quickning power to-day as in time past4 ,i have examined myself1 and besought the ,lord to shew me1 if there was any evil in me4 ,i do not find any2 and it came to me1 ,stand still1 and see the salvation of ,god4 ,i have a solid peace3 and though ,i have not so much liveliness in duty as usual1 yet ,i find more watchfulness over my words and actions4 ,but still how short am ,i of what ,i would be8 ,sunday #bj4 ,blessed be ,god1 for giving me a resigned will1 in the hour of trial4 ,it has been expected these three days1 that every moment would be the last with my dear little boy4 ,yet he keeps my mind in perfect peace4 ,but the enemy is very busy1 accusing me of hard-heartedness1 for not weeping more4 ,however1 ,i am kept in the fire and in the water4 ,and the ,lord prepare me for whatever ,i have to go through6 99,friday #be4 ,i am at present much fatigued in body1 and very low in spirits4 ,the ,lord was pleased to take my dear little ,george to himself on ,wednesday morning4 ,he supported me in a wonderful manner3 but ,i have found the trial nearer to-day than ever4 ,the ,lord grant ,i may not grieve his holy ,spirit6 ,and whatever thy purer eyes have seen amiss in me already1 cover with the mantle of forgiving love6 ,may we humble ourselves under thy mighty hand6 ,may it be a means of pressing us closer to thee6 ,and may we follow on1 to meet our dear infants1 in the upper and better world6 ,saturday #bf4 ,glory be to ,god1 that ,i am still on praying ground4 ,his grace is still sufficient for me1 though ,i find a trying world1 and a tempting enemy3 sometimes ,i feel my child very near4 ,the ,lord pardon me1 if it is wrong6 ,give me more of the life and power of ,god in my soul1 and keep me from a dead form of religion6 ,sunday #bg4 ,since last night1 ,i have been in heaviness through temptations against my husband4 ,o ,lord1 be pleased to disperse the cloud and shine on thy own work6 ,besides1 we have been exposed to-day1 to the company of carnal friends4 ,lord1 pardon our backwardness in reproving1 and give us more courage for ,god1 and make us thankful1 that he hath made us to differ and give me more of that fire of love in my heart6 ,tuesday #bi4 ,glory be to ,god1 he returned to his temple this evening4 ,the meeting of the bands was a blessed means of grace to me4 ,when our brethren and sisters spoke of the goodness of ,god1 it was spirit and life to my soul4 ,yet ,i was myself backward to speak1 and when ,i attempted it1 was seized with trembling all over4 ,but at last1 blessed be ,god1 he opened my mouth1 and then all my burden dropt off4 ,lord1 help me always to tell of thy goodness1 and keep me in thy laws1 till grace end in glory6 99,thursday1 ,may #a4 ,i have kept my bed most of the day1 being in much pain4 ,o how unfit are we at such a time1 for so great a work as working out our salvation6 ,let none postpone their repentance to a sick-bed3 it is work enough then1 to struggle with sickness and pain4 ,but how pleasant is a sick-bed1 when perfumed with the love of ,god1 and when we have a precious ,christ in our bosom8 ,come life1 come death1 with my dear ,jesus1 and life or death is sweet4 ,tuesday #f4 ,lord1 ,i beg this one thing at thy hand1 the salvation of my dear mother6 ,she is now under thy afflicting hand4 ,be pleased to sanctify her affliction3 and let it be to the saving of her soul1 for thy dear ,son's sake4 ,wednesday #ad4 ,glory be to ,god1 he has given me to-day a sight of myself and of my numberless infirmities4 ,but he has not been extreme to mark what was done amiss3 blessed be his name for ,jesus ,christ6 ,o that ,i may have more of the mind that was in him1 more of a meek1 quiet1 teachable spirit4 ,may ,i now begin6 ,may ,i now set out with double diligence6 ,may ,i run1 and not be weary2 walk1 and not faint6 ,friday #af4 ,i had reasoning about going to church1 whether it was necessary to go so often8 ,but when ,i brought it to the word of ,god1 ,i saw1 after we have done all1 we are unprofitable servants4 ,lord let me resist him stedfast in the faith4 ,thursday #bb4 ,yesterday ,i was troubled concerning one of our brethren2 but resolved to tell no one what ,i heard1 unless himself or his wife4 ,this afternoon they came to my house1 and ,i told them all ,i had heard4 ,they told me just how the thing was1 and ,i found it was a meer mistake4 ,so ,satan was disappointed of his aim1 and our love to each other confirmed4 ,sunday #be4 ,hearing of the distress of some of my neighbours1 my heart overflowed with thankfulness1 to think ,god had provided me and mine with temporal blessings also4 ,his care was over me in my youth likewise1 not leaving me to my own choice4 ,but ,i praise him above all1 for his pardoning love1 and for full redemption through the blood of ,jesus4 ,thursday #bi4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i found an unspeakable blessing at the morning preaching1 and again in private prayer2 but above all1 at the meeting of the select society4 ,and1 ,i think1 so did every one present4 ,i was at first unwilling to speak2 but ,i knew1 not to speak would be grieving the ,spirit of ,god4 ,so ,i broke through1 as did several others3 and we were all so filled with consolation1 that we could only say1 8,enlarge our heart1 to make thee room40 ,thursday1 ,june #e4 ,glory be to ,god1 that he hath given me a thankful heart1 for his love toward me even in my early days6 ,how did his kind hand preserve me1 when ,i did not know him8 ,how did it carry me through the heedless steps of youth1 keep me from the malice and intrigues of all my enemies1 and at last bring me to his dear self1 and to the knowledge of his love6 ,and though the storms now rise high1 yet blessed be his name1 all is calm within4 ,lord1 be pleased to have pity upon ,satan's instruments1 and save their dear souls4 ,i find nothing rises in my heart against them3 but ,i am constrained to mourn for them3 especially for those who have known ,god1 and do not live to his glory4 ,tuesday #aj4 ,i find it a heavy burden to be in the company even of those that are called civil people4 ,but as ,i am called to take up this cross1 may the ,lord enable me to bear it4 ,lord1 let me rely wholly on thee4 ,i feel thou art all in all6 ,thou art my strength1 as well as my righteousness4 ,without thee ,i can do nothing4 ,tuesday #ag4 ,i did not enjoy so large a measure of love as ,i have sometimes done4 ,what is the reason ,i know not3 the ,lord pardon me for it1 and give me to see that all my doings are as filthy rags in the sight of a pure ,god3 and that ,i want the precious blood of my ,redeemer to interpose for me every moment4 ,i feel the same want of him that ever ,i did3 ,i believe ,i am written on the palms of his hands4 ,but still ,i want more of the life and power of religion3 ,i am hungry and thirsty after this4 ,wednesday #ah4 ,i was tempted this morning to resentment3 but1 glory be to ,god1 it could not enter4 ,lord1 search me and prove me1 empty me of myself and fill me all with ,god4 ,for ever wash1 and keep me clean1 and let ,christ be all in all4 ,wednesday #be4 ,i found indifference about going to church4 ,i begged of the ,lord to direct me1 and immediately the reasonings disappeared4 ,in the afternoon ,i poured out my soul before him1 and prayed till ,i could scarce speak4 ,i long for a closer communion with ,god1 and for more wisdom and understanding in his ways4 ,tuesday1 ,july #h4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i am still the monument of his free mercy4 ,amidst a world of business and hurry1 ,i still enjoy peace1 and commune with ,god1 as a man with his friend4 ,i have not so much joy as in time past2 but my faith is strong1 and ,i enjoy a calm peace4 ,and when temptation comes as a flood1 his spirit lifts up a standard against it4 ,meeting in band at night1 ,i was quite stript1 and felt my nothingness4 ,glory be to ,god1 that ,i am out of hell1 because his compassions fail not4 99,tuesday #bb4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i am still assured that the ,lord has given me a clean heart1 and renewed a right spirit within me2 and ,i can have no doubt of it1 though ,i am not so overflowed with joy in the means of grace as ,i have been4 ,but ,i have a calmness and power which ,i never had in so great degree1 in the midst of the closest trials4 ,only ,i am grieved for sinners1 and pray that the ,lord would pluck them as brands out of the burning4 ,friday #be4 ,this evening ,i have been at the interment of an acquaintance4 ,what nothings we are1 and how soon turned to our mother earth8 ,should not this thought cause us to live in love and peace with all men8 ,and to live as expecting the messenger of death every moment8 ,saturday1 ,august #b4 ,i have been for several days much disordered in body4 ,in my illness ,i had hardly power to pray1 or to do any thing4 ,o may ,i prize health more1 and make full use of it1 when the ,lord sends it4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i had no fear of death1 and no anxious care for my children4 ,i only wanted more power to praise ,god4 ,and will he not give that and all things8 ,o cleanse me from my secret faults6 ,and let no sin ever more prevail over me6 99,wednesday #f4 ,blessed be thy name1 ,i do not find any thing within to close with temptations4 ,yesterday anger presented as quick as thought2 but it found no entrance4 ,yet shame covered me1 for fear any that were present might discern the appearance of it4 ,and ,i begged the ,lord to shew me1 if there was any evil root left8 ,as far as ,i know myself1 ,i do not find there is3 ,i do firmly believe1 he hath purified me from all sin4 ,but ,i am big with the desire of living nearer ,god3 ,o how dear was he to me this night8 ,thou art altogether lovely3 thou art fairer than the sons of men4 ,thursday #ad4 ,glory be to ,god1 there has been a cry in my dear mother's soul all this day4 ,lord1 increase it6 ,thou hast set her sins in array before her4 ,may she never rest till she rests in thee6 ,friday #bb4 ,i went three or four miles this evening to the preaching3 ,my mind was solemnly stayed on ,god2 but ,i was not very lively3 my husband being talking most of the way about worldly affairs4 ,o ,lord1 direct him in all his ways1 and let nothing hurt his precious soul4 ,saturday #cj4 ,i have been much disordered in body all this day2 but1 glory be to ,god1 have enjoyed calmness of spirit4 ,yet ,i have been grieved to see some of my family1 so busy about the world1 and so little concerned for their poor souls1 but trifling away their precious moments4 ,lord1 let me redeem the time6 ,let me never rest in any thing ,i have attained3 but still press on1 till ,i know all that love of ,god that passeth knowledge6 ,thursday ,september #d4 ,blessed be ,god for the comfort ,i had in hearing dear ,mr4 ,w4 at ,penryn4 ,i was tempted to impatience1 both in the morning1 when my husband stayed long before he set out3 and at noon1 when ,i was disappointed of being in ,mr4 ,w4's company4 ,but ,i looked up1 and felt nothing but calmness and quietness of spirit4 ,tuesday #i4 ,i waked between four and five1 with praises in my mouth4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i find an inlarged heart1 to run the ways of the ,lord with great delight4 ,his love is sweeter than honey to my taste1 and my will is swallowed up in his4 ,sunday #ad4 ,a cold almost disabled me from speaking1 which gave me to see the great blessing of speech4 ,lord1 help me to use it more to thy glory6 ,this afternoon1 blessed be ,god1 we had the happiness of having dear ,mr4 ,w4's company4 ,lord imprint his exhortations deep on my heart6 ,and may all the words he delivered be watered with the dew of thy heavenly grace6 ,tuesday #af4 ,glory be to ,god1 he has kept me in the hour of strong temptation4 ,the enemy bears me a tyrannous hatred1 and stirs up my bosom friends against me4 ,lord1 thou knowest they lay to my charge things ,i know not4 ,but thou art to me a place of broad rivers4 ,and these light afflictions will work out for me an eternal weight of glory4 ,wednesday1 ,october #a4 ,blessed be ,god1 he keeps me in trials from those who are nearest and dearest to me4 ,what a powerful energy has love8 ,it keeps my soul in perfect peace1 while all around me is storm and tempest4 ,saturday #be4 ,i have the greatest reason to bless ,god of any creature3 for he gives me great hope1 that my dear husband will not proceed on his intended voyage4 ,he seems at length to see the strength of the objections against it4 ,i wept over him last night1 and reasoned with him in much love1 till one o'clock in the morning4 ,and1 glory be to ,god1 whatever it was to him1 it was a blessed means of grace to me4 ,monday1 ,november #c4 ,at night ,i was much frighted between sleeping and waking1 ,i believe1 by the enemy4 ,i was afraid ,i had offended my ,lord1 by not going to church yesterday in the afternoon4 ,i besought the ,lord to pardon me for the omission2 and he soon spoke the answer to my heart4 ,wednesday #e4 ,glory be to ,god for the blessings of this day1 and for giving me more patience and more watchfulness4 ,indeed ,i was tempted to anger against my husband1 and afterwards to lightness4 ,but help was at hand4 ,o that ,i may be more thankful6 ,lord1 may thy pure love always fill my soul3 and do thou water me every moment6 ,monday #bd4 ,i was calm and serene all this day1 and had power to restrain my words4 ,but in the evening ,i was much tempted1 when one told me1 ,mr4 ,mason designed to make me leader of a band4 ,i found it hard to leave my sisters1 and harder still to undertake so important a charge4 ,when he gave me the paper the next day1 ,i was closely exercised4 ,and when ,i came to the band1 it was a great mountain1 and ,i was full of shame and confusion4 ,but when ,i began to speak1 ,i found a little freedom1 and1 blessed be ,god1 he helped my infirmity4 ,afterwards ,i found the same power to pray1 as if we had been together some time4 ,lord1 bless us together1 and let me be always little1 and base1 and vile in my own eyes6 ,friday #bh4 ,glory be to ,god1 this has been a blessed day4 ,my soul has been full of love to the people of ,god1 my band in particular4 ,and the ,lord gives me more light into myself1 more freedom from wanderings and evil reasonings1 and more power to check my own spirit4 ,but ,o6 the mighty void ,i saw in myself6 ,i never saw it so before4 ,this constrained me to wrestle with the ,lord4 ,and he did not send me empty away4 ,monday1 ,december #a4 ,glory be to ,god1 the ,sun of ,righteousness shone on my soul all the day long4 ,whenever ,satan was nigh1 ,i looked to him1 and was instantly saved4 ,he gave me a clear sight of the work of my soul1 and a brighter evidence than ever1 accompanied with the pure streams of his love pouring down into my heart4 ,friday #e4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i found a tender conscience1 and power to set the ,lord always before me4 ,and ,i can now enjoy my ,god in my business1 as well as in my duty4 ,my heart is constantly stayed upon him1 and ,i long for more of that living principle within4 ,o that thou wouldst fill me with heaven1 with love1 with ,god6 99,saturday #f4 ,i find my soul is1 as a well of water1 springing up into everlasting life4 ,but ,i thirst for more4 ,blessed be ,god1 he does keep my soul in perfect peace1 and in the midst of fire and water1 give me patience1 with an hope full of immortality4 ,but ,i feel a great soreness of spirit1 for those of my family4 ,lord1 give them to know themselves1 and direct them in all things6 ,take the cause into thine hands1 and enable me1 to stand still1 and see the salvation of ,god4 ,tuesday #ab4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i enjoy peace and power1 in the midst of multitudes and hurry of business4 ,my eye is still single toward the mark of my high calling1 and my one desire1 to live more to ,god4 ,friday #ai4 ,it was a cross to me to rise in the morning1 but ,i was well rewarded for taking it up4 ,i was very lively all day2 but in the afternoon was suddenly tempted to lightness2 so were all of us who afterwards met in band2 but the temptation soon fled away4 ,my soul is alive to ,god1 and only longs to fathom more of the depths of humble love4 ,monday #bb4 ,my soul's desire this day has been1 to sink down into the depth of humility4 ,i see my helplessness1 and feel the want of my ,redeemer's merits every moment4 ,but how often does my own will present itself6 ,yet it prevails nothing4 ,i want to be always as clay in the hands of the potter1 and to be all moulded into love6 ,as far as ,i know1 ,i do love the ,lord with all my heart4 ,but ,i want to have all vain reasonings destroyed4 ,saturday1 ,january #c1 #agfg4 ,i was greatly blessed to-night1 in a weeping state1 and mourned before the ,lord for the sins of others4 ,yet at some times1 quickness presented itself1 but only as a flying cloud4 ,i found a great reverence to-night1 while ,i said1 ,our ,father4 ,may this awful sense of his ,majesty rest upon me1 wheresoever ,i go6 ,thursday #h4 ,i was tempted to think lightly of my husband1 as if he was always asking1 but not watching4 ,i was much disordered in body1 which weighed down my mind when ,i waited on the ,lord in private4 ,but1 on reading the second chapter of ,zechariah1 my soul revived greatly3 and ,i had a lively sense of his sparing mercy2 but still more1 in talking with a dear friend4 ,i could then see1 what a sinner ,i had been in times past1 in wishing for my own will2 and could bless the ,lord1 that not my will1 but his1 had taken place4 ,o1 may a due sense of the love and mercies of ,god be ever engraven on my heart6 ,tuesday #ac4 ,glory be to ,god for shewing me1 ,i had done amiss1 in reproving my husband before company1 and for giving me to be humbled on the account1 and to acknowledge my fault4 ,and blessed be ,god for the ,christian conversation we have had together this evening1 wherein we have seen1 what advantage ,satan had gained over us in time past4 ,we had power to speak to one another with all freedom1 of the state of our souls2 and ,i trust this will be the beginning of happy days between us4 ,sunday #ah4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i have to-day found much life and light in my soul at church4 ,and ,i had a solemn time1 in accompanying the relicks of sister ,harris to the grave4 ,we fulfilled our promise1 in singing her body to church1 as we did her soul to glory4 ,i was afterwards tempted both to lightness and to impatience2 but ,i bless ,god1 ,i remain in peace and love4 ,my desire is1 to know myself as ,i am known of ,god1 and to live no longer than ,i live to him4 99,friday #bc4 ,glory be to ,god1 though the enemy rages1 ,i enjoy a calm peace in my soul4 ,but this evening ,i found little power to pray4 ,i believe it was owing to disorder of body4 ,yesterday ,i kept my bed all day4 ,i am still much indisposed4 ,but ,i was much delighted with the amiableness of ,christ4 ,and ,i saw the great need we have of him1 and shall have1 when we stand naked before ,god4 ,i saw the worth of ,christ exceedingly1 and loathed myself and all my own performances3 yet being persuaded1 that neither life1 nor death1 nor things present1 nor things to come1 should ever separate me from his love4 ,tuesday1 ,february #c4 ,i have been confined to my bed by a fever1 from ,saturday till to-day4 ,i found not much joy1 but patience and peace1 and sweet tranquility of mind3 especially when sister ,pearce prayed with me4 ,i found a longing desire to see some of my other sisters4 ,but1 when one of them came1 ,i could not speak to her at first1 ,i was so overcome with joy4 ,the ,lord blessed us in the afternoon also1 when ,mr4 ,storey prayed with us4 ,glory be to his holy name1 for christian conversation2 and for all the other helps we enjoy1 to make our calling and election sure4 ,monday #bc4 ,all yesterday and to-day1 ,i have been much disordered by the cholic4 ,at six this evening ,i bowed before ,god in prayer1 and gave myself up to him4 ,i then resolved to try1 whether ,i could not go to the preaching4 ,i went1 and was better after it than before4 ,while ,i was in strong pain1 the enemy thrust sore at me3 ,but ,i did not give place to him for a moment4 ,blessed be ,god for a tender conscience6 ,i find1 if ever ,i speak a word unawares2 if it is not right1 ,i see it immediately1 and am grieved that ,i was not more on my guard4 ,lord1 help me to watch and pray every moment1 that all my words may be to edification6 ,monday1 ,march #b4 ,blessed be ,god1 for the love ,i have felt yesterday and to-day1 under the preaching of ,mr4 ,haim4 ,o may it sink deep in my heart1 and spring up into eternal life6 ,i find ,satan is continually tempting2 but he has no success4 ,i want to be more of a child-like spirit2 to live more in ,christ1 and always near to ,god4 ,thursday #e4 ,my husband and maid both being sick1 my body has been much exercised this week4 ,but1 glory be to ,god1 ,i have enjoyed constant peace1 and many blessed refreshings4 ,nor have ,i found one anxious thought concernings their living or dying4 ,sunday #ae4 ,god was pleased this week to afflict my body with sickness4 ,i mostly kept my bed4 ,sometimes ,i had doubts4 ,is it not1 because ,i do not speak more to my poor mother8 ,or because ,i have taken too much upon me1 in being leader of a band8 ,but these doubts did not trouble me so much as the close reflections ,i had from my husband4 ,twice ,i wept concerning it2 but then ,i thought1 the sorrow of the world worketh death4 ,i looked to the ,lord1 and he delivered me4 ,and ,i said to him1 ,shall ,i one day see thy face1 without a veil between8 ,and shall ,i stand at thy right hand1 in the great day of accounts8 ,and how clear an assurance of it did he give me6 ,i find earnest desires to drink deeper of his ,spirit1 that ,i may be always the same1 all of a-piece at all times and in all places1 and may have a solemn awe resting upon me1 in business and company1 especially among professors of religion4 ,thursday #be4 ,i was much grieved this evening at the stubbornness of my child4 ,lord1 bless the correction1 and give her thy grace1 whatever thou with-holdest from her6 ,and help me to discharge my duty toward my children1 in this and in all things4 ,thursday1 ,april #b4 ,i saw more than ever the necessity of simply following my blessed ,lord3 ,and the great need of grace rather than gifts2 although gifts also are great blessings4 ,lord1 on whomsoever they are bestowed1 may they beg thy aid1 to use them singly to thy glory4 ,i find an encreasing zeal for ,god and his people4 ,i long to live more to ,god1 and to have less to do with the world2 and am sometimes tempted against my husband1 for incumbring himself so much with it4 ,yet ,i am thankful to ,god for these outward blessings3 ,but my whole aim is1 to be more devoted to ,god4 ,wednesday #h4 ,i want to have every thought brought into obedience to ,christ3 ,and to feel continually the awful sense of the presence of the great ,god6 ,i have had a thankful and a melting heart1 to think what blessed helps my children have in their tender years2 and indeed1 in looking back on my own life1 and on the blessed showers of grace1 which ,god has poured upon me1 from time to time1 in christian conversation4 ,lord1 give me a thankful heart1 and fulfil in me all the good pleasure of thy will6 ,monday #bj4 ,glory be to ,god1 that ,i am out of hell1 and that ,i still find1 ,god is a ,god of love4 ,my desire is1 to begin now2 to live this moment1 and believe for the next4 ,i have been for some time confined to my bed1 and am still confined to my room4 ,but all is well1 while ,i am enabled1 in every state1 to be content4 ,i have had a week of close trials and temptations2 but of deep consolations likewise4 ,but ,i see ,i am still short in bearing all things1 and in discerning the enemy's first approach4 ,yet glory be to thy great and holy name1 for what ,i do enjoy4 ,o help me to prize thy blessings more1 and to believe and love to the end6 ,sunday #bf4 ,in the morning1 before ,i rose1 wandering thoughts were thrown into my mind4 ,i begged the ,lord to give me power to drive them out2 and he heard my prayer4 ,he gave me likewise a thankful heart1 to think how richly he had provided for me1 in temporals 7while so many were in pressing want7 as well as in spirituals3 ,i could not help weeping before the ,lord1 and asking1 8,why me1 or mine8 ,why hast thou given me this composure of mind1 more desirable than all this world8 ,lord1 give me to press after more inward solitude1 and keep and water me every moment60 ,sunday1 ,may #c4 ,glory be to thy great and holy name1 for all thy blessings and mercies3 ,but above all1 for my dear ,jesus3 ,i feel the value of his blood and merits more than ever4 ,i find myself all weakness and helplessness3 his blood is all my plea4 ,through this ,i enjoy great peace of mind2 although much indisposed in body4 ,but ,i have been in doubt what to do4 ,i said1 about a year before ,i found peace with ,god1 that ,i would not eat any more flesh suppers1 except ,i was with child4 ,but1 as my present disorder was thought to require it1 ,i eat this evening a little of a calf's foot4 ,lord1 keep me from scrupulous fears after it3 ,let not the enemy accuse me for it4 ,help me in this1 and all things1 to extol thy love and guardian care4 ,monday #be4 ,glory be to ,god for new desires to serve him3 ,lord1 encrease them every moment2 and enable me to put in practice every desire1 and every resolution1 which is to thy glory6 ,let me never be weary of well-doing2 but endure to the end1 that no man take my crown6 ,sunday1 ,june #ad4 ,to-day ,i was at the house of mourning1 at sister ,pearce's1 whose child was near death4 ,it was an happy time4 ,while we read the experience of some departed saints1 the ,lord showered down his love upon us4 ,after the boy died1 ,i thought1 ,who can tell1 what a blessed convoy surrounded us1 although unseen by mortal eyes8 ,and ,i had strong faith1 that1 through the blood of the ,lamb1 ,i should one day meet the saints above4 ,i found also great faith for the welfare of ,zion1 and hope that the ,lord would soon build her up4 ,in my late indisposition1 ,i found little activity and little power to pray4 ,and ,i found the enemy taking every occasion to tempt me3 ,but there was nothing in me to side with the temptation4 ,glory be to ,god for pure love6 ,glory be to ,jesus ,christ1 my ,lord6 ,o continue to reign supreme ,lord over every motion of my soul6 ,thursday #be4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i enjoy a steddy peace1 and evenness of mind4 ,but illness weighs down my body and soul1 so that ,i am not active in the service either of ,god or man4 ,i found my own spirit very near in reproving3 ,but ,i looked to the ,lord1 and was saved4 ,and ,i was kept in a great measure from reasoning4 ,on the closest examination1 ,i found nothing but love in my heart4 ,but ,i long to have all that mind which was in ,christ ,jesus my ,lord6 ,monday1 ,july #f4 ,at night1 after ,i was in bed1 ,i found my mind wander after distant things4 ,i found it hard to fix my mind on the ,lord only2 but1 glory to him1 the fountain is still open4 ,i have been much better in body to-day1 and have been able to pour out my soul to ,god1 more freely than for some time past4 ,indeed for some time ,i have had little life in prayer3 ,but1 blessed be ,god1 he even then gave me power1 which ,i had not1 when ,i could rejoice to go to prayer1 and found it sweet to my taste4 ,he only knows1 what is best for us4 ,and when ,i was tried to-day1 he gave me a meek and quiet spirit4 ,but ,i believe ,i spoke afterward more than was necessary2 yet1 blessed be ,god1 without condemnation4 ,saturday #aa4 ,at a funeral1 ,i was much tempted to look at those who were still in their sins1 and to prefer myself before them4 ,but presently it came1 ,who maketh thee to differ8 ,for a moment ,i sunk almost into despair4 ,but ,i thought on the love of ,god1 and received comfort4 ,so busy is the enemy1 first to lift us up1 and then to cast us down4 ,tuesday1 ,august #d4 ,glory be to ,god1 in the midst of trials1 ,i was as calm as if ,i was out of the body4 ,in the evening1 while ,i was earnest in private prayer1 ,i felt as it were a dart shot through me4 ,i started a little1 but still kept calling upon ,god1 till ,i was more than conqueror4 ,saturday #h4 ,this evening ,i was obliged to speak on behalf of the injured4 ,and ,i thought it my duty to speak sharply1 though still in love and meekness4 ,i found love for ,god and his cause constrained me so to speak3 ,for ,i hate every thing that would dishonour him4 ,sunday1 ,september #i4 ,i was closely tried from a near quarter3 ,but ,i was kept in peace4 ,i wept to myself1 to think of the sore bondage sin had brought upon them who are under the power of it4 ,it gave me to see the uncertainty of all things but the love of ,christ4 ,sunday #bi4 ,i was disturbed soon after midnight1 and again a little before day4 ,i did not wake any more1 till almost six4 ,i was grieved to be disappointed of the preaching1 and yet contented1 seeing there was no will of my own in the omission of it4 ,all this day ,i had a solemn time4 ,my soul enjoyed peace and tranquillity1 and ,i found it good1 to leave the things of time behind1 and to wait simply upon ,god4 ,thursday1 ,october #a4 ,when the select society met1 ,i was much tired1 and very heavy4 ,but the ,lord was pleased to bless others in a glorious manner4 ,immediately it was suggested1 8,this is false fire3 or why am not ,i affected60 ,i begged the ,lord1 to answer for himself4 ,and1 before we parted1 ,i had the petition ,i asked of him1 and was refreshed both in soul and body4 ,saturday #c4 ,being much disordered in body1 ,i was obliged to lie down4 ,i dreamed ,i was exhorting some people of note1 in an exceeding solemn manner4 ,and ,i was so happy in ,god1 that ,i afterward felt the good effect of it1 even upon my body4 ,yet1 in the end1 methought ,i was tempted to lightness4 ,see how ,satan besets us sleeping and waking6 ,tuesday #f4 ,i had strong desires to be filled with ,god1 and ,i find faith that ,i shall2 that ,i shall be entirely devoted to ,god1 and that every moment4 ,my heart is more enlarged in love to all mankind1 particularly to my brethren2 and ,i have power to cover their faults with love1 and to pray for them4 ,blessed be ,god1 that his work is spreading among us3 ,more and more are brought to the knowledge of ,god3 ,and many are going from house to house1 to call upon ,god and tell of his goodness4 ,it is no wonder therefore that ,satan rages3 ,but ,i trust he will be disappointed of his hope4 ,the ,lord make us faithful1 and keep us every moment watching unto prayer6 ,sunday #ah4 ,glory be to ,god1 ,i find the fruits of the ,spirit encreasing2 particularly by means of private prayer4 ,indeed the enemy thrusts sore at me therein1 striving to make me afraid1 till ,i sometimes cry out1 8,shall ,i be afraid to thank and praise my ,god80 ,he then presently flies1 and immediately the ,lord showers down his blessings upon me4 ,though ,i have been kept by sickness from the public means1 this has been a sabbath of rest to my soul4 ,i had a solemn1 peaceable time in reading1 and a glorious time in private prayer1 between five and six4 ,and in the evening1 the ,lord poured his grace on my heart1 as the dew upon the tender herb4 ,i never saw so much of his greatness before4 ,lord1 fill me with this awful sense of thy majesty1 and let me be kept every moment in that silent heaven of love6 ,sunday1 ,november #a4 ,i have kept my bed for some days1 being much disordered in body4 ,but1 glory be to ,god1 he has many times refreshed my soul with his love3 particularly1 when ,i have been favoured with the company of his dear children4 ,when they called upon him in prayer1 he was pleased to hear1 and answer even while they were calling4 ,in general1 ,i have found calm composure of spirit1 a deliverance from my own will1 patience and resignation to the will of ,god1 and power in the hour of temptation4 ,but ,i want more strength of faith and love2 for ,i find the enemy is always watching4 ,and sometimes he comes very near1 striving to sow the evil seed again4 ,but1 glory be to ,god1 he has saved me yet1 though sometimes ,i have been scarcely saved3 ,so that ,i see ,i must live this moment to ,god1 and watch and look to my dear ,lord every moment4 ,monday #b4 ,when ,i waked1 my husband soon began talking to me about worldly business4 ,it was lawful1 but ,i quickly found it was not expedient3 ,for ,i had not so much power to pray as usual4 ,but1 in the evening1 blessed be ,god1 ,i waited upon him in a sweet1 calm peace1 at the preaching4 ,only ,i found a little reasoning1 8,what if ,i should fall in labour80 ,but it was quickly removed3 ,and though my body failed a little1 yet ,i was freer from wandrings than ,i ever was for a long time4 ,thursday #e4 ,the ,lord does still bless me and keep me2 but ,i come short of what ,i desire to be4 ,in the morning ,i find strong desires to be wholly devoted to ,god in every thing4 ,but in the evening1 ,i find ,i have still come short1 though without condemnation and fear4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i am kept from inordinate sorrow for my dear friend's illness4 ,lord1 prepare me for the same hour4 ,and1 if it be thy blessed will1 rebuke the disorder1 and raise her up1 for the good of her family1 and of thy people4 ,sunday #h4 ,the ,lord was pleased to call her to himself4 ,the day before she seemed much better4 ,but in the evening she fell worse again1 and this morning1 about nine1 departed4 ,when word came of this1 ,i was not shocked at first2 but in a while ,i began to reason on what had passed between us the evening before4 ,she then said1 8,when death seemed nigh some nights since1 the enemy thrust sore at me1 and said1 ,this will be thy end3 ,but ,i said1 ,not without ,god's permission3 ,he can bring me down to the belly of hell1 and bring me up again1 as he did ,jonah out of the whale's belly4 ,but it is one thing to talk of death1 and another to have it brought home to us40 ,then her husband1 and children1 and friends came near1 and sorrow seemed to overwhelm her4 ,but she said1 8,god is able to bless and keep them1 without me1 if he is pleased to take me4 ,and if he is pleased to spare me1 ,i can do nothing for them1 without the ,lord40 ,when ,i reflected upon these things1 not watching unto prayer1 ,i was quickly encompassed with a flood of temptations3 ,so that ,i never remember to have passed such a night1 since ,i knew the goodness of ,god4 ,i could not sleep till six in the morning4 ,but1 glory be ,god1 ,i had peace at the bottom1 and continued striving with all my might4 ,about ,monday noon ,i found ease1 and at five in the evening1 ,i could wait upon the ,lord without distraction4 ,on ,tuesday ,i had such a sweet and resigned will as ,i scarce ever had before4 ,i was much taken up with the blessedness of heaven1 and had no doubt but ,i should be there2 but had no will of my own to die or live1 only as the ,lord should please1 and not one reluctant thought concerning the leaving of my friends or family4 ,i lay quite passive in the hands of my dear ,lord4 ,o may he ever keep me so6 ,mary ,pearce was a woman of good sense1 which1 mixed with grace1 was exceeding amiable4 ,she had great light as to the spiritual life1 could see the state of our souls1 and set them before us as clear as the sun4 ,she was of a spirit that sympathized with every one1 both in their temporal and spiritual trials4 ,indeed her own life was a life of trials2 which1 she always said1 was best for her1 and no more than was needful to keep her from pride1 and to break her stubborn will4 ,but she bore all her trials with sweetness of temper1 and never mentioned them but to a near friend4 ,she was a dutiful child1 a tender parent1 an affectionate wife1 and a faithful friend4 ,may ,i tread in her steps1 and follow the example of her patience to the end6 ,friday1 ,december #ah4 ,i am much burthened in body1 and confined by reason of my burthen4 ,yet1 blessed be ,god1 ,i have patience to bear it1 and tarry his leisure4 ,i have been much tempted to an angry zeal1 against some of my unconverted relations4 ,but ,i saw the snare1 and was delivered4 ,sometimes it is a cross to go to private prayer3 but ,i still have peace and love4 ,in meeting my band1 ,i saw and felt my weakness very much4 ,yet the ,lord blessed us1 while we called upon him4 ,lord1 bless me in the approaching hour of trial4 ,bless what is formed in me1 and1 if it live in this world2 may it be devoted to thy service4 ,sanctify her sickness to my child1 that is now under thy correcting hand4 ,prepare her for life or for death3 and may ,i1 and all my dear children meet at thy right-hand4 ,sunday #bg4 ,i see more and more1 that every thing ,i receive1 is for the sake of my dear ,lord1 and that ,i always want his precious blood1 to wash and keep me clean4 ,blessed be his name for faith in him4 ,i find his light discovers darkness more and more4 ,it is a great thing to come empty to ,god4 ,lord1 help me to come wholly out of myself1 to come to thee1 as at first ,i came1 and to return to thee all thou givest me4 ,and help me in the approaching trial1 to glorify thy great and holy name1 either by life1 or by death4 ,to me1 to live be ,christ1 and to die be gain4 ,wednesday #cj4 ,though ,i was greatly burthened in body1 ,i enjoyed much peace of mind4 ,but ,i was desirous1 that those who had so highly dishonoured ,god should be openly expelled from us4 ,lord1 lay thy mighty hand upon them1 and sink them into deep repentance1 that they may cry mightily to ,god1 that he may enable them to return to him1 from whom they have so deeply revolted4 ,friday1 ,january #a1 #agfh4 ,glory be to ,god for his unbounded mercies to me1 in the year that is past4 ,thanks be to ,god and the ,lamb1 that he has given me to see the beginning of another year4 ,whatever time ,i live1 may ,i live more to his glory1 than ever ,i have done heretofore6 ,saturday #b4 ,this day has been a day of faith1 and peace1 and love3 and my soul has been much drawn out in prayer4 ,now let me expect fresh trials1 after such a shower of blessings4 ,sunday #c4 ,though ,i am still confined from the outward means1 which are highly desirable1 yet1 blessed be ,god1 ,i find him present with me1 keeping my soul in perfect peace4 ,but ,i doubt ,i spoke more words to-day than were to the glory of ,god4 ,o let the blood of thy ,son1 ,jesus ,christ1 still cleanse me from all sin6 ,sunday #aj4 ,though much disordered in body1 ,i enjoyed much peace and love in my soul4 ,i calmly expect the ,lord to deliver me of the fruit of my womb4 ,but ,i do not find any will1 but to glorify ,god2 either by life or by death4 ,sunday #ag4 ,many times ,i have not power to speak3 but1 blessed be ,god1 ,i find much thankfulness for all his mercies4 ,my desires are still strong for ,god and his work1 and ,i find an increase of peace and patience4 ,in meeting my band1 and in family prayer1 he blessed us in an uncommon manner4 ,but the more blessings ,i receive from him1 the more ,i see and feel of my own weakness4 99,saturday #bc4 ,when the ,lord opens my hand1 to relieve the want of any of his poor creatures1 ,i find still there is need to cry to him1 that ,i may give him all the glory4 ,blessed be his name1 my own spirit is dying daily4 ,yet ,i sometimes find it a cross to go to private prayer2 but so much the more am ,i blest therein4 ,and the ,lord greatly blessed us in family prayer1 when ,i earnestly called upon him1 to come and destroy inbred sin out of the hearts of those who know his pardoning love4 ,sunday #bd4 ,i had a longing desire to speak very plainly to my dear mother4 ,but ,i could not2 ,i could only pray with her1 and read to her some passages of scripture4 ,but1 blessed be ,god1 he has answered my prayer1 with regard to my family's keeping the ,lord's day4 ,lord1 enable them always to keep a sabbath of rest1 and to find rest in their own souls6 ,sunday #ca4 ,glory1 and thanks1 and praise1 be to ,god and the ,lamb1 for his unbounded love to such an helpless worm6 ,blessed be his holy name1 ,i enjoy peace1 and love to ,god and all mankind4 ,i have no desire to live1 unless to his glory3 but1 through the burden and pain of my body1 ,i cannot put my desires in practice as ,i would3 blessed be ,god1 that he takes the will for the deed4 ,lord1 help me in my present condition1 to glorify thee by patience3 to be content to suffer as long as thy goodness pleases1 and to wait till thy good time is come4 ,and let me regard neither pain1 nor ease1 but as it brings me nearer to my dear ,lord4 ,from ,tuesday to ,friday ,i was quite confined to my bed4 ,on ,tuesday1 ,i had much liberty in meeting my band3 but since that time1 ,i have had little power1 except at intervals4 ,on ,friday evening1 it was strongly suggested to me1 8,thou wilt fail1 when thy hour of trial comes40 ,i immediately told my husband3 he prayed with me1 and ,i found liberty4 ,yesterday morning1 the same temptation assaulted me strongly3 but ,i spoke of it as soon as it came4 ,and since that time1 blessed be his name1 ,i have felt it no more4 ,lord1 help me6 ,lord1 keep me every moment6 ,keep me to the end1 for my dear ,lord's sake6 ,a short ,,account of ,,ann ,,johnson4 ,by ,,john ,,johnson4 #a4 ,,she was born at ,lambeth1 ,october #ag1 #agag4 ,her mother died while she was young4 ,about sixteen1 she married a seafaring man1 who by his extravagance exposed her to many difficulties4 ,often in sailing from port to port1 to prevent1 if possible1 his wasting his money when he came from sea1 she was in great danger1 and then made many resolutions2 but they quickly died away4 #b4 ,on ,february #ad1 #agdg4 ,her husband brought her to ,dublin4 ,but she was still the same3 8,i do not remember1 said she1 that ,i had any thought1 whether ,i had a soul or not1 till ,i was about twenty-eight years old40 ,at that time she began to reflect with terror1 on the immortality of her soul4 ,she saw and felt1 that hell was her just desert1 and could find no way to escape it4 ,she knew she was under the wrath of ,god1 but knew not how to appease it4 ,she went from church to church1 and endeavoured to do whatever she was taught2 but found all she could do was nothing4 ,sometimes indeed her convictions subsided for a time2 but returned with double violence4 ,the cry of her soul continually was1 8,lord what must ,i do to be saved8 ,shew me the way wherein ,i should go60 ,thus she went on for several years4 #c4 ,about fourteen years ago she heard ,mr4 ,thomas ,walsh preach in the ,new-room4 ,she said1 8,he made my soul tremble exceedingly40 ,her fears were rather increased than lessened4 ,but the eyes of her understanding were not opened1 with regard to the true method of salvation4 ,afterwards she heard 8that blessed man of ,god10 7as she justly called him7 ,paul ,greenwood4 ,she then saw1 that by grace we are saved through faith1 and at the same time1 sin received a mortal wound4 ,she determined1 nothing should prevent her seeking the pearl of great price1 that precious faith4 ,she had much opposition2 but nothing stopped her soul on full stretch for salvation4 ,such was her desire to hear the word1 that frequently when she was locked into the room1 up one pair of stairs1 she got out at a window4 ,she directly joined the society1 and counted all things loss1 so she might win ,christ4 #d4 ,it was not long before it pleased ,god to remove the opposer out of the way4 ,she now frequently received much comfort3 but that did not satisfy4 ,nothing could give her lasting comfort1 till she knew her sins were blotted out4 ,this she earnestly sought both in private and public1 missing no opportunity of hearing the preaching4 ,and one ,sunday morning1 as ,mr4 ,deaves was giving out an hymn1 ,god was pleased to reveal his ,son in her1 and to enable her to say with a clear confidence1 8,he has loved me1 and given himself for me40 ,it was with much difficulty that she refrained from crying out1 and exhorting all to praise the ,lord4 ,she now delighted to run the way of his commandments4 ,her heart was enlarged4 ,both her heart and hands were open towards those that feared ,god1 and had her power been equal to her will1 none of them should have wanted any thing4 ,for some months she walked as on the wings of the wind4 8,jesus all the day long ,was her joy and her song3 ,o that all his salvation may see6 ,he has lov'd me1 she cried1 ,he hath suffer'd and died ,to redeem such a rebel as me60 ,though her outward situation was disagreeable1 being surrounded great part of the day1 with those who constrained her to see and hear what her soul abhorred2 yet his grace was sufficient for her1 and she remained always rejoicing1 and praising the ,god of her salvation4 #e4 ,after some months1 it was shewn her1 that the seeds of sin were not yet rooted out of her heart4 ,yet she did not let go her confidence in ,god1 neither lose the power over her besetting sin1 which was anger4 ,and it was her principle1 not to rest an hour1 without a feeling sense of the love of ,god4 #f4 ,on ,october the #ith1 #agfj1 by the providence of ,god1 she and ,i were married4 ,she was truly an helpmate for ten years1 three months1 and two days3 during which time we could truly say1 there never was any thing but love and tenderness toward each other4 ,there never was1 that ,i remember1 but once1 any appearance of what is called a quarrel4 ,and in a few hours she saw1 it was not her business1 to interfere with the discipline of the society4 #g4 ,although there was the most tender affection between us1 yet so exceeding great was her love to souls1 and her desire for their welfare1 that she was willing at all times for me to go to any part of the kingdom1 without ever saying1 8,if you must go1 stay a few days longer40 ,and if ,i was absent three or six months1 nay1 a whole year1 which was once the case1 she never complained4 ,she could part with husband1 or any thing1 to glorify him1 who had done so much for her4 ,the last time ,i spoke of leaving her1 she was ill4 ,my friends then advised me1 not to go4 ,i was inclined to follow their advice1 as there appeared little hope of her recovery4 ,but she insisted on my going where ,providence called1 saying1 8,i never have hindered you yet4 ,and if ,i should do it now1 ,i believe it would be displeasing to ,god40 ,i went1 and after an absence of three months1 returned just at the time1 when she was taken with that last illness1 which prevented her going out any more4 ,and for my coming home just at that time1 she praised ,god to her latest hour4 #h4 ,during the last ten years of her life1 she had many and great conflicts4 ,the sense of inbred sin1 and of her having so many times offended ,god1 after she had known his love1 often lay heavy upon her mind1 and pierced her with deep sorrow4 ,the earnest desire of her soul was1 to be wholly given up to ,god4 ,but she was tormented with that fear1 lest she should not glorify ,god in life and in death3 particularly1 lest by any improper behaviour at her death1 she should be a reproach to the gospel4 ,likewise anxious care about the world1 sometimes exceedingly distressed her4 ,she was tempted to fear1 lest she should live to be a burden to the society4 ,or1 at least1 till she could not be helpful to others1 as she knew1 it was more blessed to give than to receive4 ,but thro' the mercy of ,god1 none of the things which she had feared came upon her4 #i4 ,above two years ago1 the disorder which occasioned her death began to be violent4 ,yet she did not abate her diligence1 to support herself and family1 till ,july #agfi4 ,her pains then so increased1 that she had no ease night or day1 only when she slept1 which was seldom more than an hour or two4 ,but notwithstanding this1 she could not be prevailed upon to keep her room before ,christmas4 ,from that time she was in exquisite pain1 as tho' her bowels were tearing asunder4 ,she often said1 wearisome nights and days are appointed for me4 ,yet in the sharpest pain1 she never charged ,god foolishly1 or once said1 he dealt hardly with her4 #aj4 ,during this long confinement1 she felt a keen conviction of her past unfaithfulness1 together with a piercing sense of inbred sin4 ,and on both these accounts1 she was often crying out in deep distress1 ,god be merciful to me a sinner4 ,she steddily believed1 it was the privilege of ,god's people1 always to feel the clear witness of his spirit4 ,accordingly she was always1 either rejoicing in the ,lord1 or deeply distressed for want of it4 ,even in the severest pain1 she was not satisfied with patience1 unless she had joy in the ,lord4 #aa4 ,she often would say1 8,the devil tells me1 the peace ,i feel is only stupidity3 that ,i have been an hypocrite all my life1 and never was converted4 ,but ,i can with confidence answer1 this is false4 ,i never desired to deceive either myself or others4 ,i know the ,lord did awaken my soul1 and convert me to himself4 ,and ,i cannot accuse myself of lukewarmness in my duty since4 ,i have seldom wilfully missed my class1 or band1 or a sermon4 ,yet the manner in which ,i often performed those duties1 causes my soul to tremble4 ,my body was present3 but often1 too often my mind was engaged in my business4 ,herein ,i must plead guilty before ,god1 and he might justly have cast me out of his presence40 #ab4 ,all this time the hand of the ,lord was underneath her1 and did not suffer her to sink in the deep waters4 ,yet she often complained1 8,i cannot rejoice in pain10 whereas ,st4 ,paul says1 ,rejoice in tribulation3 and that happy soul1 ,nancy ,rogers said1 8,every pain is a spring to my soul1 to lift me up to heaven40 ,i told her1 8,when you1 like ,nancy1 are near your end1 you may triumph over pain also4 ,but should it be otherwise1 your eternal state does not depend on that40 ,she cried out1 8,nay1 but what the scriptures declare1 and what others have experienced1 is for me40 ,she did not fear being cast into hell3 yet her distress1 at times1 was exceeding great4 ,she was vehemently athirst for full salvation1 and often broke out into deep lamentation4 8,i am unlike the ,lord6 ,when shall ,i awake up after his full likeness60 ,sometimes she seemed just ready to lay hold on the hope set before her4 ,but she was checked by a sense of her unprofitableness in the ways of ,god3 and would often break out1 8,true ,lord1 true6 ,i am unprofitable indeed40 #ac4 ,at some times she was afraid1 lest she should live to expend all she had1 and leave me in distress4 ,but about a month before her death1 these fears vanished away1 and she was quite resigned to the will of ,god1 leaving it wholly to him to do what seemed him good1 with her and all that she had4 ,from this time she had no other care than that which related to her soul4 ,she was now released from her severe pains1 and her soul felt a solemn peace2 tho' she was still frequently tempted to fear1 lest she should deceive herself4 #ad4 ,near three weeks after1 ,i was reading in the fifteenth volume of the ,christian ,library1 that section in ,isaac ,ambrose's looking unto ,jesus1 8,desiring ,jesus with respect to his death40 ,the ,lord now turned his hand upon her1 and caused her to feel his power4 ,her body seemed to be forgotten2 while her spirit rejoiced in ,god her ,saviour1 crying out1 8,o the goodness of ,god1 which directed that passage to be read this night60 ,then she began to sing 8,thou shepherd of ,israel and mine1 ,the joy and desire of my heart6 ,for closer communion ,i pine2 ,i long to reside where thou art4 ,the pasture ,i languish to find1 ,where all who their shepherd obey1 ,are fed1 on thy bosom reclin'd1 ,are screen'd from the heat of the day40 ,from this time she did rejoice evermore2 and yet longed to triumph more4 ,her ambitious soul could not rest1 till wholly swallowed up in ,god4 #ae4 ,january #g4 ,she desired to be taken out of bed4 ,as soon as her cloaths were on1 she expected to have gone to rest4 ,but ,god was pleased to keep her a little longer in the body1 for the comfort of her surviving friends4 ,as soon as she was a little revived1 ,i asked1 8,if she could stay her soul upon the ,lord80 ,she said1 8,yes1 ,i can1 tho' ,i have not always that full assurance of faith40 ,but the next morning1 ,god fulfilled the desire of her heart1 and filled her with faith and love4 ,about ten she seemed just expiring3 but she soon revived4 ,i said1 8,my dear1 can you rely on the ,lord80 ,she answered with triumph1 8,i can2 yes1 ,i can4 ,all is plain before me4 ,there is nothing now in the way4 ,o the precious blood of ,god6 ,o the precious blood of ,god6 ,that precious blood cleanseth from all sin and from all stains40 ,i asked1 8,has that blood cleansed you from all stains80 ,she said1 8,yes1 yes4 ,it has washed me1 and it will still wash me40 ,i said1 8,for sorrow you shall soon have joy40 ,she said1 8,sorrow6 ,i have had no sorrow4 ,when ,i think of what my ,lord suffered for me1 mine is nothing40 ,indeed the exceeding happiness she now enjoyed1 made her forget all her former pains4 ,she said1 8,i shall be like him6 ,i cannot tell what that is3 but ,i shall be like him40 ,the convulsions then followed each other with little respite2 but in the intervals1 she was still praising ,god4 #af4 ,wednesday #i4 ,in the morning she was in great agonies1 but said1 8,lord1 thou dost all things well6 ,now ,i have nothing to do but to praise3 every breath shall be praise4 ,i have just conquered death4 ,o ,jesus1 thou didst bring me into the world1 and hast preferred me in the world1 and hast brought me thro' the world60 ,i said1 8,he has brought you safe to ,jordan's bank40 ,she said1 8,o yes1 he has1 ,o that ,i may go full sail into port6 ,i have a blessed pilot40 ,this day many persons came to see her4 ,one said1 8,blessed are the dead which die in the ,lord60 ,she replied1 8,so saith the ,spirit3 for they rest from their labours40 ,a convulsion followed1 after which she was light-headed3 unless any one spoke to her of the ,lord ,jesus4 ,then for a time1 her reason returned4 ,she did not sleep the whole night1 and her breath was almost gone3 yet she said1 8,i do not feel much pain40 ,thursday #aj4 ,early in the morning she was again composed1 and said1 8,i shall soon be with him4 ,i shall drink of the river that makes glad the city of ,god4 ,he has brought me out the white linen and put it upon me4 ,i see ,jesus6 ,i see ,jesus6 ,he is worth more than all ,i have below40 ,this day she often dozed2 but as soon as awake1 said1 8,o precious ,jesus60 ,thus she spent the day1 and most part of the night1 saying1 8,i have often been weary of speaking of him3 but now ,i can speak of him for ever40 #ag4 ,friday #aa4 ,she knew all that came to see her1 and spoke to several of them4 ,about ten her daughter asked her blessing4 ,she kissed her1 and said1 8,the ,lord bless you and give you grace to be dutiful40 ,soon after one came1 that was very dear to her4 ,she would have spoke to her2 but at first was not able4 ,but after a short time she said1 8,her voice has been pleasant to me4 ,farewell4 ,i shall soon be in heaven20 ,these were the last words ,i could understand2 but she was sensible to the last4 ,about twenty minutes before one1 she fell asleep4 8,thus may we all our parting breath ,into the ,saviour's hands resign6 ,o ,jesus let me die her death1 ,and let her latter end be mine60 ,a short ,,account of ,,ann ,,rogers4 ,by ,,john ,,johnson4 ,saturday1 ,april #h1 #agfi4 ,i ,,went to see ,ann ,rogers1 a young woman who had been for several years a member of the society in ,dublin4 ,two or three years ago she believed ,god had saved her from all sin1 and ever since behaved in the most exemplary manner4 8,my body1 she said1 is exceeding weak3 but ,christ is precious to my soul1 and has not suffered me in all my weakness and pain to feel one murmuring thought40 ,i enquired1 how the work of ,god began in her soul8 ,she said1 8,may was six years ,i came to live with ,mrs4 ,riggs1 where ,mary ,feris lived2 at which time ,i had no notion of real1 heart religion4 ,but her behaviour struck me1 and not long after1 ,i went with her on ,sunday morning to the ,new-,room4 ,from that time ,i saw myself a vile1 helpless sinner1 of which ,i was convinced more and more2 yet with strong hope1 expecting deliverance under every sermon ,i heard1 and in every meeting for prayer4 ,but in about two months my hope grew weak1 and ,i concluded ,god did not hear my prayers4 ,then deep sorrow seized my heart1 till one night going to bed1 ,i cried earnestly for mercy1 and begged that if there were any for me1 ,i might wake time enough to attend the morning preaching4 ,i awoke at the time4 ,in that moment ,i was enabled to believe1 that ,god loved me4 ,i rejoiced unspeakably2 ,i was happy in his love1 and have never since doubted of his favour4 8,this joy continued for some months1 but with an earnest hope of seeing greater things than these3 those words being frequently in my mouth1 and almost continually in my mind1 ,wrestling ,i will not let thee go1 ,till ,i thy name1 thy nature know6 ,and one day as ,i was sitting in my room1 the power of ,god came mightily upon me1 and those words were applied to my heart1 in a manner ,i cannot express1 ,thou art all fair1 my love3 there is no spot in thee4 ,it is impossible to tell how my soul was filled with love3 surely it was angel's food6 ,i was called down to dinner1 but could eat nothing3 ,on this one said1 #8,nancy1 have you got the second blessing8' ,i did not know how to answer to this1 or what name to call it by4 ,but ,i said1 ,i never was so happy in all my life3 ,i am quite filled with love4 ,and from that time ,i have continued1 except some weeks in the beginning of last year1 7when ,i was hurt by disputing about a third person7 rejoicing evermore1 praying without ceasing1 and in every thing giving thanks4 ,my particular prayer was1 that ,god would give me all the grace which he had promised in his word40 ,from the time that this disorder began1 it was her constant prayer1 8,lord1 if ,i recover1 let it be to thy glory2 if not1 thy will be done6 ,only do not take me hence1 till thou hast finished thy work in my soul40 ,this1 she added1 8is my whole desire4 ,and ,i must bear this testimony1 the ,lord ,jesus hath always1 on his part1 been faithful and gracious to me4 ,and though1 on my part1 ,i have been much wanting1 yet he hath borne with me and mightily blessed my soul40 ,her mother told me1 8,yesterday ,i thought she was expiring2 she did not appear like herself2 till she broke out1 #8,the goodness of ,god has been so manifested to my soul1 that ,i could not speak4 ,those words were spoke to my heart1 ,i have loved thee with an everlasting love4 ,and1 ,thou shalt be mine1 in that day1 when ,i make up my jewels4 ,o6 ,i have sweet foretastes of heaven6 ,i would gladly go to him my soul loves4'0 ,sunday #i4 ,i saw her again4 ,she was then so weak1 she could hardly speak to be heard4 ,but after ,i had spoke a few words of the love of ,jesus1 she found strength and said1 8,the first ,sunday in ,february last1 at the sacrament1 ,i did indeed eat his flesh and drink his blood4 ,the glory of the ,lord shone into my soul1 and ,i felt so much of his love1 it was almost more than my feeble body could bear3 it was a real foretaste of heaven40 ,she said1 8,three nights ago ,i was in exquisite pain1 such as ,i never felt before3 but every pain was a spring to my soul1 to lift me up to heaven4 ,i could thank him for all1 and methought ,i would not recover for the whole world4 ,indeed the love of ,jesus so ravishes my soul that ,i would not have one pain less than he pleases40 ,then correcting herself she said1 8,pain6 ,it cannot be called pain3 his presence makes it heaven to me60 ,one said1 8,he has brought you through the wilderness1 within sight of the good land40 ,she said1 8,o yes6 ,o yes6 ,he has2 and he will be with me through the valley2 this ,i cannot doubt40 ,i then took my leave and saw her no more4 ,what follows1 ,i had from those that attended her4 8on0 replaced with 8one0 per ,errata ,she exhorted all that came1 particularly those that sat up with her1 to redeem the time4 ,to one she said1 8,o ,sally1 turn to ,god with your whole heart3 you have but little time30 and to them all1 8,make haste6 ,get ready6 ,you have no time to spare40 ,afterward ,satan was permitted to thrust sore at her4 ,waking out of sleep1 she began to reproach herself1 for sleeping1 saying1 8,if ,i had not slept1 it would not have been thus with me4 ,i cannot doubt of the favour of my ,lord3 neither can ,i fear his casting me into hell4 ,but ,i am tempted to think1 ,i shall have sore distress at the hour of death40 ,this lasted some hours2 but in the evening she said1 8,christ is come1 and ,satan is gone40 ,nor was he suffered to trouble her any more4 ,all that followed was peace and love4 ,yet she was exceedingly concerned for her mother1 lest she should not freely give her up to ,god4 ,her mother was asked1 ,whether she could or no8 ,she answered1 8,since it is the will of ,god to take her1 ,i do give her up freely40 ,and this reply gave her entire satisfaction4 ,the day before she died1 the thought of being for ever with the ,lord1 was transporting to her soul4 ,but she said to her mother1 8,i charge you when ,i am dead1 let none of the wicked come into the room4 ,let it be filled with those that fear ,god2 and while they are singing the praises of ,god below1 ,i shall be singing them above40 ,about three in the morning she said earnestly1 8,o precious ,christ6 ,o precious ,christ60 ,these were her last words3 but she still expressed her happiness1 sometimes by lifting her eyes towards heaven1 and sometimes by looking pleasantly on those about her1 till her sight failed1 and her spirit went up to ,god4 ,some years before she died1 she now and then wrote down a little of her experience4 ,i believe these accounts1 imperfect as they are1 will be acceptable to the pious reader4 8,april #aj1 #agfd4 ,the ,lord has blessed me in a wonderful manner4 ,glory and praise to his great name6 ,o that thy praise may dwell on my heart6 ,o my ,lord1 enable the unworthiest of thy servants1 to give thee thanks for thy unspeakable love6 ,o that ,i could invite all to taste and see how good thou art1 how full of truth and grace6 ,o thou unexhausted fountain of love1 enable me every moment to cast myself upon thee1 and to receive out of thy fulness grace for grace40 ,i continued thus for five days1 yet with many wanderings from my ,god3 but ,i had this cry in my heart1 ,dear ,lord1 deliver me from a heart so prone to wander from thee6 ,tuesday1 ,may #bb4 ,as ,i was at my work1 these words came to my heart with power1 ,i will take away the heart of stone1 and will give thee an heart of flesh4 ,i was lost in wonder1 yet found unbelief till those words were spoke to my heart1 ,ye are clean through the word ,i have spoken4 ,i found a change in myself from that moment1 and could say1 ,i love thee with every faculty of my soul4 ,truly ,i can say1 that ,god is love6 ,and that he delights to do his needy creatures good4 ,september #ad1 #agfe4 ,i had a greater desire than usual to retire from the world3 yea even from the converse of the holiest ,christians1 to wait upon ,god alone4 ,i wanted to have a closer acquaintance with the blessed ,jesus4 ,happy he that can go to ,god at any time1 praying to him with faith and fervency4 ,my ,god1 all my soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love6 ,o my ,lord1 manifest thyself in me more fully6 ,none living has greater cause to love and serve thee4 ,sunday #ae4 ,the sermon at church caused some heaviness2 but ,i was refreshed at the ,lord's table4 ,o ,jesus1 assist me to look through every means1 to thee1 the fountain of life and love6 ,monday #af4 ,the sermon was as marrow and fatness to my soul4 ,i did truly wait upon ,god4 ,i have been happy this whole day3 ,jesus has been precious to me4 ,i found him in every means of grace3 he is near me in every time of need4 ,i see much of my helplessness and weakness4 ,every moment1 ,lord1 ,i want ,the merit of thy death4 ,tuesday #ag4 ,i have found this day1 most comfortable communion with ,jesus1 and free access to the throne of grace4 ,yet ,i have been greatly tempted3 but the ,lord stood by me1 and made a way for me to escape4 ,i want to be all attention to his voice1 and to be more dead to the things of time and sense3 let me have no will1 ,o ,jesus1 but thine6 ,let thy will be done in me and by me6 ,wednesday #ah4 ,this morning ,i was so stupid ,i could hardly pray3 but thou art not extreme to mark what is amiss4 ,all the day ,i was much hurried in business1 and could not attend the public means of grace4 ,but in the evening he made up the want1 giving me free access to him in prayer3 and therein he graciously refreshed my poor drooping soul4 ,o my ,god1 let the fire of thy love burn up whatever is not agreeable to thee4 ,and let such a sense of thy free1 unmerited love rest on me1 as may keep me ever low at thy bleeding feet6 ,thursday #ai4 ,this whole day1 though much employed in my business1 the ,lord stood by me1 and enabled me to look to him4 ,in the evening he made a way for me to hear his word1 and ,i found it good to wait upon him4 ,he does fulfil his word1 ,they that wait upon the ,lord1 shall renew their strength4 ,they shall run and not be weary2 shall walk and not faint4 ,i daily see my unprofitableness4 ,my short-comings are many2 yet he freely pardons3 ,i see that my strength is perfect weakness2 that if ,jesus left me a moment1 ,i should fall4 ,and we cannot be any otherwise saved1 than by a constant looking to him4 ,o ,jesus keep my eye fixed on thee1 till ,i am looked into all thy lovely likeness4 ,friday #bj4 ,i found much of the goodness of the ,lord4 ,i want to love him more1 that ,i may serve him better4 ,i do not love or praise him as ,i would3 but he does not despise the day of small things4 ,i find he visits me with his love in a particular manner1 before any particular trial4 ,a trial ,i met with this evening caused heaviness for a time3 but ,i was comforted under the sermon4 ,how numberless are thy thoughts of love to my soul6 ,they are more than the sands on the sea shore4 ,saturday #ba4 ,i found my mind frequently wandering4 ,o thou friend of sinners1 ,settle and fix my wav'ring soul ,with all thy weight of love6 ,i was variously tempted1 and ,i reasoned with the temptation1 which increased it more and more1 till ,jesus shewed me1 it was from an enemy1 and graciously delivered me4 ,o teach me wisdom to know his devices1 and pardon my unfaithfulness6 ,strengthen my faith1 confirm my hope1 and perfect me in love4 ,sunday #ab4 ,this has been a sabbath of rest to my soul4 ,glory be to thy great and glorious name1 ,o thou fountain of love6 ,what shall ,i do to praise thee for thy free grace to the most unfaithful of thy children8 ,o what cause have ,i to esteem thy word8 ,it is sweeter than honey or the honey-comb4 ,i am athirst for all that ,christ has purchased for me4 ,i long for more of his meek and lowly mind6 ,the mind that beareth all things3 ,o that every thought may continually rise to thee6 ,monday #bc4 ,this has been an happy day to me1 the most unworthy of thy children4 ,i have had a constant sense of the presence of my ,beloved1 comforting and refreshing my soul4 ,i sat under his shadow with great delight1 and his fruit was sweet to my taste4 ,yet ,i see that my wants are many1 and that there are heights and depths to be attained here4 ,i am truly ashamed before ,god of my own unprofitableness4 ,yet he graciously passes by all my follies1 without even upbraiding me4 ,yea1 he applies with power that comfortable promise1 ,i will betroth thee unto me in righteousness1 and in judgment1 and in loving-kindness1 and faithfulness2 and thou shalt know the ,lord4 ,i know thee2 but ,i long to know thee more1 ,o thou that art altogether lovely6 ,insatiate to this spring ,i fly3 ,i drink1 and yet am ever dry1 ,ah6 who against such charms is proof8 ,ah6 who that loves1 can love enough6 ,tuesday #bd4 ,i was closely assaulted by the enemy4 ,he pursueth hard after me3 but when he cometh in like a flood1 ,jesus lifts up a standard against him4 ,he brought many heavy accusations against me4 ,i durst not stay to reason with him for a moment4 ,but ,i flew to ,jesus as for my life1 and cried to him to deliver me4 ,and he did so1 by applying that promise to my heart1 ,my grace is sufficient for thee4 ,i find it is1 even for me4 ,the name of ,jesus is a strong tower1 where the righteous may always resort4 ,i spent great part of this day in visiting the sick1 and found it a blessing to me4 ,how much better is it1 to go to the house of mourning1 than to the house of feasting6 ,how glad should ,i be of more time to spend among thy afflicted followers8 ,but in this1 as in every thing beside1 not mine will1 but thine be done4 ,thursday #bf4 ,i find this day1 thy love is better than life4 ,thy strength is made perfect in my weakness4 ,i long to be wholly given up to thee4 ,i visited one of our sick friends1 and my soul was refreshed with her4 ,to enjoy thy presence on a sick bed1 is unspeakable happiness4 ,then nothing will do1 but a real interest in a crucified ,redeemer4 ,it is only the blessed experience of this1 which then gives true peace1 freedom from all anxious care1 and resignation in pain4 ,our anchor is cast within the veil3 our hope is full of immortality4 ,o glorious hope of perfect bliss6 ,and am ,i a partaker of this hope8 ,o wondrous grace6 ,o boundless love6 ,friday #bg4 ,o ,jesus1 what hast thou done for me8 ,what shall ,i say unto thee8 ,this ,i can say1 that ,i love thee3 and let it be with every faculty of my soul6 ,i do find thy name as ointment poured forth4 ,thou leadest me in green pastures1 by the still waters of comfort4 ,when nature fails1 and day and night ,divide thy works no more1 ,my ever thankful soul1 ,o ,lord1 ,thy goodness shall adore4 ,saturday #bh4 ,this morning ,i had a trial1 but ,jesus stood by me1 and kept my mind in peace4 ,visiting a friend in the evening1 ,i was much comforted4 ,god was with us of a truth4 ,o how full of love are thy thoughts towards me6 ,all things shall work together for my good4 ,monday #cj4 ,this has been one of my best days4 ,i think ,i never had before such a sense of the goodness of ,god to me1 and my entire dependence on him4 ,my soul has been upon the stretch for all the fruit of the ,spirit4 ,i never saw such beauty in humility1 and felt such a desire after it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the following paper bears no date4 8,o ,jesus1 how richly hast thou provided for me here8 ,thou givest me a large earnest of my inheritance4 ,thou dost give me to drink of that fountain of living water4 ,o that it may be in me as a well of water1 springing up into everlasting life6 ,o thou fairest among ten thousand1 what hast thou done for such a worm as me6 ,thou hast purchased for me holiness and heaven2 yea1 heaven upon earth4 ,thou dost give thyself to me1 and with thyself all things4 ,be astonished1 ,o my soul1 at the large inheritance which thy ,jesus has purchased for thee6 ,behold the rivers of pleasure that flow at his right hand6 ,and there thou shalt behold his face without a veil3 8,far from a world of grief and sin1 ,with ,god eternally shut in60 ,a short ,account of the ,death of ,,mary ,,langson1 ,of ,taxall1 in ,,cheshire1 ,who died ,january the #bith1 #agfi4 ,,when ,mary ,langson was about fourteen years of age1 it pleased ,god to awaken her by the preaching of the gospel2 and soon after she received a clear sense of his pardoning love1 in the enjoyment of which she continued1 though not exempted from those trials and temptations which are common to believers4,from her first hearing the preaching1 she was diligent in the use of all the means of grace1 whether private1 or public3 and though the preaching was seldom near1 she attended at every possible opportunity4 ,she was constant at meeting her class2 and those who were most acquainted with her1 being of the same family1 observed that she always expressed the state of her soul1 just as it was1 and manifested such a spirit of sincerity in all her deportment1 as convinced them that she was an ,israelite indeed1 in whom was no guile4 ,her step-mother being rendered incapable of managing the affairs of the house1 the care of a young family in a great measure devolved on her1 which1 with the attendance needful for her helpless step-mother1 necessarily brought considerable exercises and trials1 to one of such tender years2 yet being inwardly strengthened for the performance of these duties1 she manifested as much tenderness towards her1 as if she had been her own mother2 7an example too rarely seen in such cases7 and was enabled to go through her constantly-trying circumstances with unwearied patience4 ,although by these means she was deprived of providing for herself such sort of apparel1 and conveniences as those of her age usually expect1 and may innocently enjoy4 99,having been tried1 and in some measure intangled in her affections1 she was sensible of a decline in her spiritual consolations1 but through the mercy of ,god1 this lasted not long2 for she rested not till she had recovered all she had lost2 so that she was enabled to testify to a ,christian friend1 while she remained in health1 8,i find my heart loose from every creature1 and all created good1 and wholly fixed on ,god3 this is the desire of my soul4 8,o that ,i might walk with ,god1 ,jesus my companion be2 ,lead me to the blest abode1 ,thro' the fire1 and thro' the sea3 ,then ,i shall no more complain1 ,never at my lot repine1 ,welcome toil1 or grief1 or pain1 ,all is well1 if ,christ is mine40 ,when the grace of ,god thus takes place in the heart1 how little does every thing we suffer for his sake appear6 ,how empty is all the world calls good and great1 to a soul filled with divine love6 ,from the following remarkable circumstances1 it seems as if she had some apprehensions of the near approach of death4 ,she began to be more abundantly diligent in the use of every means of grace1 for some weeks before her last sickness4 ,it was also observed that though she had not been accustomed to pray at the class-meeting1 yet being now exceedingly fervent in spirit1 one evening at class1 she broke out into earnest prayer2 she appeared to enjoy much freedom1 and great nearness to ,god1 and was deeply affected with a sense of the evil of sin1 and her own weakness1 which occasioned her crying to ,god in such expressions as these1 8,o ,lord6 ,rather let me die1 than live to offend1 or ever sin against thee60 ,indeed the vehement importunity with which she uttered these petitions made her brethren suspect that something more than common would happen2 for the power of ,god was unusually present4 ,soon after 7on the #adth of ,january1 #agfi7 she sickened for the small-pox4 ,one then asked her1 how she felt her soul3 she said1 8,my evidence is clear1 and life or death1 the will of the ,lord be done40 99,during her illness1 she continued perfectly resigned to the will of ,god4 ,the ,thursday after sickening1 she became blind1 when one of the society coming in1 and discerning the distemper to be dangerous1 sat down and wept4 ,as soon as she perceived it1 she said1 8,dolly6 ,what are you doing8 ,are you weeping for me8 ,don't you know1 that if ,god takes me away1 it is from much evil that is in the world8 ,i have often looked at your mother1 and thought1 ,o that ,i was but as near glory as her3 7she being about fourscore7 but now ,i think ,i am nearer glory than she is1 and shall be in possession of it before her60 duplicate word 8to0 removed ,when she was asked again how she found herself1 she answered1 8,glory is every moment open to my soul2 there is nothing between me and eternal glory1 but a few moments more of light affliction40 ,at night she called for her father1 and said to him1 ,dear father1 you have had many trials and difficulties in the world1 and you have many more before you1 but fear not1 you are in the way1 the right way2 continue in it1 and ,god will bring you thro' all40 ,on ,saturday the #bast1 about eleven at night1 she broke out in an extasy of joyful praise2 speaking in the most delightful language for more than an hour together1 concerning ,jesus and his kingdom4 ,some that were present on being asked what she then said1 answered1 we heard words not possible for men to utter2 and indeed but little of the conversation could be retained by any of them1 they were so overwhelmed with a sense of the presence of ,god4 ,once she was observed to speak in the following manner1 8,there is never a fiend left now3 they are all banished2 ,jesus has conquered them all for me60 ,by which it seems1 this was her triumph in the last combat she had with ,satan4 ,she then repeated and explained1 in a most feeling and sensible manner1 many passages of scripture1 especially ,daniel vii4 #i1 #aj4 8,i beheld till the thrones were cast down1 and the ,ancient of ,days did sit1 whose garment was white as snow1 and the hair of his head like the pure wool2 his throne was as the fiery flame1 and his wheels as burning fire4 ,a fiery stream issued and came forth from before him2 thousand thousands ministered unto him1 and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him3 the judgment was set1 and the books were opened10 adding in the end1 8,o lovely ,jesus6 ,blessed ,jesus6 ,adorable ,jesus6 ,glory6 ,glory6 ,glory6 ,glory6 ,to ,god in the highest6 ,on earth peace2 good-will towards men40 ,thus ,christ's coming in the clouds to judgment1 was to her infinitely desirable1 and so abundantly was her soul ravished with the prospect1 that she could not forbear rejoicing with joy unspeakable and full of glory4 99,while in health1 she seemed at a loss to consent to the doom of the wicked1 but now she said1 8,o how willing is ,christ to save all that come to him8 ,but they who will not come1 shall be destroyed1 and though ,i could not for a long time say ,amen to the sentence of impenitent sinners1 yet now ,i can1 seeing how willing ,god is to save all who will accept of his offered mercy40 ,she likewise repeated ,revelation xiv4 #a1 #b1 #c1 taking particular notice of those words1 an hundred and forty-four thousand1 in the first and third verses3 and said1 8,a goodly company6 ,and ,i shall be one1 and all that have died in the ,lord1 and all the preachers whom ,i have loved1 7mentioning some of them by name7 and ,i shall see them there2 and all the ,methodists1 that are such indeed2 they shall be there40 ,may we be ,israelites indeed1 who are so called1 and not rest in a name to live while we are dead4 duplicate word 8and0 removed ,she again cried out1 ,o precious ,jesus6 ,my ,beloved is mine1 and ,i am his6 ,he is the fairest of ten thousand1 yea altogether lovely4 ,o what glory do ,i see6 ,and all for me6 ,how does my soul burn with love to ,jesus1 who has provided it for me6 ,i wonder that that happiness could have no higher title than heaven40 ,canticles v4 #af4 ,these were the words she chose for the text of her funeral sermon4 ,on ,monday the #bc;d1 she called her father1 and said1 8,i am going40 ,he asked where8 ,she answered 8to heaven3 adding1 ,i am glad ,i do not leave you1 in your sins1 but that you are brought into the right way4 ,only endure1 and you will shortly follow me6 ,do not grieve for me2 ,o resign me40 ,he cried1 8,i am a wretch1 ,i cannot resign you20 to which she answered1 8that is nature1 ,i was a wretch too1 but ,god has set me at liberty2 do you pray to him1 and he will give you more grace40 ,he complained 8,i cannot pray1 do you pray for me40 ,she said1 8my bowels yearn for you20 and then lay quiet a little interceding for him and the family2 after which she broke out1 8,lord hasten thy work2 do more now in my soul in a day1 than thou wast wont to do in many days40 ,she then repeated ,revelation xxii4 #a4 and said1 8well may they be called rivers1 for ,i see fountains upon fountains3 ,o what rivers of pleasure are there6 ,how shall ,i swim in those oceans of love to all eternity6 ,i am overcome with love6 ,oh if ,i were loose from this affliction how would ,i sing60 ,and calling on those who were present to sing1 she gave out 8,no need of the sun in that day1 ,which never is followed by night1 ,where ,jesus's beauties display1 ,a pure1 and a permanent light3 ,the ,lamb is their light and their sun1 ,and lo6 ,by reflection they shine1 ,with ,jesus ineffably one1 ,and bright in effulgence divine40 8thy0 replaced with 8they0 per ,errata ,to her father she said1 8,you have many difficulties in the world1 and ,i will tell you what you must do2 give your hands to the world1 and your heart to ,god1 and he will make a way for you40 99,she seemed to enjoy a happy foresight of the prosperity of the work of ,god1 when she said1 8,you may look for glorious times to come2 for the ,lord has a great work to do on earth1 before the church militant can join the church triumphant40 ,to some of the society who were present1 she said1 8,god has given you the means of grace1 in order to bring you safe to glory2 see that you do not slight or neglect any of them2 use them constantly1 and look through them all to ,jesus40 ,afterwards one asked1 how she was8 ,she answered1 8,weak in body1 but happy in soul3 ,i long to be gone to heaven40 ,being told1 you must be resigned1 she answered1 8,i am resigned1 but would rather be with ,jesus40 ,some who desired to serve the ,lord1 but were not heartily in earnest1 came to see her4 ,one of these1 she had invited some time before to the class-meeting2 and he had almost promised to come1 but neglected4 ,she said to him1 8,i thought you would have been at the meeting as you proposed2 ,o how was my soul grieved that you did not come6 ,will you come the next time8 ,the ,methodist way is the right way4 ,it was a happy turn that ,i was ever brought into it4 ,o how good have ,i found it to remember my ,creator in the days of my youth4 ,now ,i can say1 though ,i walk through the valley of the shadow of death1 ,i will fear no evil1 for the ,lord is with me1 his rod and staff shall comfort me40 ,she then encouraged them heartily to join with the people of ,god1 and not to fear any reproach they might suffer on that account4 ,when the disorder was at the height1 she said1 8,some may think that ,i have a heavy affliction4 ,no3 ,i have none that ,i can spare4 ,oh6 it's a happy affliction60 998,others1 said she1 may say of me1 she was once blooming2 how is she altered now8 ,but ,i was never so beautiful in all my life2 ,i am as the ,king's daughter1 all-glorious within3 and my raiment is of wrought gold40 ,a little before her departure1 being visited by the wife of one of the leaders1 she asked how her husband did8 ,adding1 8,he has had many struggles to help me forward in the ways of the ,lord2 but now he may rejoice in all his labours1 for ,i am going safe to glory1 and hope to meet him there4 ,o little children6 ,love one another40 ,she also advised her1 as she had many children1 to take care what example she set before them4 ,afterwards one asked whether she thought her present sickness would end in death1 she answered1 8,i cannot tell2 but the will of the ,lord be done4 ,only this ,i know1 that neither life nor death shall separate me from the love of ,jesus1 who has redeemed me from the foundation of the world4 ,if ,i die1 as soon as you see me depart1 sing ,happy soul1 thy days are ended3 and when you carry me to the grave1 sing the same hymn4 ,when you return let not your hearts be filled with grief1 but praise ,god1 as ,i shall be rejoicing with him in glory40 ,an ,,hymn1 ,sung at the time of her departure4 #a4 ,,happy soul1 thy days are ended1 ,all thy mourning days below3 ,go by angel-guards attended1 ,to the sight of ,jesus go4 ,hallelujah1 ,amen4 #b4 ,waiting to receive thy ,spirit1 ,lo the ,saviour stands above1 ,shews the purchase of his merit1 ,reaches out the crown of love4 #c4 ,struggle through thy latest passion1 ,to thy dear ,redeemer's breast1 ,to his uttermost salvation1 ,to thine everlasting rest4 #d4 ,for the joy he sets before thee ,bear a momentary pain2 ,die1 to live the life of glory1 ,suffer with thy ,lord to reign4 ,a short ,,account of the ,,death of ,mrs4 ,,hannah ,,richardson4 ,by ,mr4 ,,charles ,,wesley4 ,bristol1 ,saturday1 ,april #ai1 #agda4 ,i ,,was hastily called to one that was a dying4 ,it was ,hannah ,richardson1 a young woman who had long been a sincere mourner for ,christ1 a true ,hannah1 a woman of a sorrowful spirit4 ,god had awakened and drawn her from her infancy1 and she heartily laboured to establish her own righteousness1 seeking acceptance 7as we did all7 not by faith1 but as it were by the works of the law4 ,when it pleased ,god to send the gospel of his free grace to this city1 she gladly parted with her own righteousness1 and submitted herself to the righteousness of ,god4 ,she was a constant hearer of his word1 but received no benefit by it2 no comfort1 no peace1 no life4 ,yet she continued waiting for several months1 till it pleased our ,lord1 who sends by whom he will send1 to make use of my ministry1 and apply the word of reconciliation to her soul4 ,jesus gave her a token for good1 and she went home to her house justified4 ,she rejoiced in ,god her ,saviour1 and testified1 ,in him ,i have redemption1 through his blood1 the forgiveness of my sins4 ,but alas6 the ,comforter was as a guest that tarrieth but a day4 ,she soon gave place to the reasoning devil1 who asked1 ,how can these things be8 8,how can you be justified1 so vile a sinner as you8 ,you only deceive yourself6 ,hath ,god for ,christ's sake forgiven you8 ,he hath not surely forgiven you40 ,by such suggestions he well-nigh tore away her shield4 ,all the comfort of her faith1 all her peace and joy in believing he did entirely spoil her of2 ,god so permitting it1 to try her1 and prove her1 and shew her what was in her heart1 that he might do her good in her latter end4 ,he hid his face from her1 and she was troubled4 8,i will allure her1 said ,god1 and bring her into the wilderness40 ,here she long wandered out of the way1 in a barren and dry land1 where no water was4 ,the poor and needy sought water1 and there was none1 and her tongue failed for thirst4 ,she could truly say with the prophet1 ,verily thou art a ,god that hidest thyself4 ,or1 with the patient man1 ,behold1 ,i go forward1 but he is not there1 and backward1 but ,i cannot perceive him2 on the left hand1 where he doth work1 but ,i cannot behold him2 he hideth himself on the right hand1 that ,i cannot see him4 ,her bones were smitten asunder1 as with a sword1 while the enemy said unto her1 8,where is now thy ,god8 ,where is now thy faith8 ,thou art a thousand times worse than ever40 8but0 replaced with 8that0 per ,errata ,so indeed she seemed to herself1 when sin appeared sin4 ,god was now uncovering her heart1 and convincing her of original sin4 ,the old man of sin was more and more revealed1 till at last she saw that her inward parts were very wickedness1 and every imagination of the thoughts of her heart only evil continually4 ,she had no power to pray or praise1 or so much as to think one good thought1 and at the same time was so torn and distracted with doubts and fears1 that she dispaired even of life4 ,that thought above all tormented her1 8,what would become of me1 if ,i should die in this darkness8 ,without holiness no one shall see the ,lord40 ,at other times she had a faint persuasion1 that ,god would finish his work before he called her hence4 ,she durst not say she had faith1 or any interest in ,christ2 and yet she could not give it up4 ,one little spark of hope lay as at the very bottom of her heart2 which was ,christ's hold of her4 ,he would not quit his purchase1 or let her go4 ,even this was often a great trouble to her1 that she could not fear death as formerly2 7for this fear was entirely cast out the first moment she was sensible of her justification74 ,and1 whenever she had the least comfort or peace1 she started back as it were1 and feared to take hold of it1 suspecting that she was falling asleep again1 and resting without ,christ4 ,she went mourning all the day long1 and refused to be comforted1 because he was not4 ,for many days and months she walked on still in darkness1 and had no light1 but against hope believed in hope2 staggering oftentimes1 but not falling through unbelief4 ,still she bore up under her continual fears of being a castaway4 ,she waited in a constant use of all the means of grace2 never missed the communion1 or hearing the word1 though all was torment to her1 for she never found benefit2 nothing she said1 affected her1 there was none so wicked as her4 ,i am a witness to her many complaints and wailings4 ,yet she persisted with a glorious obstinacy2 and followed on to know the ,lord1 walking in all his commandments and ordinances blameless4 ,she went on steadily in the way of her duty1 never intermitting it on account of her inward conflicts4 ,not slothful in business1 but working almost continually with her own hands4 ,most strict was she1 and unblameable in all her relative duties1 and in all manner of conversation4 ,those who lived with her never heard a light and trifling word come out of her mouth4 ,she did not sit still1 till she should be pure in heart1 but redeemed the time1 and bought up every opportunity of doing good4 ,to do good she never forgot1 but spoke to all1 and warned all1 both children and grown persons1 as ,god delivered them into her hands4 ,she was exceeding tender-hearted towards the sick1 whether in body or soul4 ,she could not rejoice with those that rejoiced1 but she wept with those that wept1 and encouraged them to wait upon ,god1 to be never weary of well-doing2 for in the end said she1 they would reap1 if they fainted not4 99,see here a pattern of true mourning6 ,a spectacle for men and angels6 ,a soul standing up under the intolerable weight of original sin6 ,troubled on every side6 perplexed1 but not in despair2 persecuted by sin1 the world1 and the devil1 but not forsaken2 cast out1 but not destroyed2 walking on as evenly under that load of darkness1 as if she had been in the broad light of ,god's countenance4 ,whosoever thou art that seekest ,christ sorrowing1 go thou and do likewise4 ,in this agony she continued1 till it pleased ,god to visit her with her last sickness4 ,for the two or three first days1 she could not be kept from the word1 but was then constrained to take her bed4 ,she had early notice of her departure1 and told one of her band1 that she should not recover4 ,she had express'd great earnestness to see me1 but ,i could not visit her 'till the ,thursday following4 ,i then found her1 to her own sense and feeling1 in utter despair4 8,i am dying1 7she cried7 without pardon1 without a ,saviour1 without hope40 ,i prayed in full assurance of faith1 and then testified the love of ,christ to her1 a lost sinner2 declaring to her1 that he would fulfil in her the work of faith with power4 8,my soul for your's 7,i told her7 if you depart hence1 before your eyes have seen his salvation4 ,yet a little while1 and he that shall come will come1 and will not tarry4 ,the word of our ,god shall stand for ever4 ,every one that seeketh findeth4 ,fear not2 behold1 he comes quickly2 and one moment of his presence will make you abundant amends for all the pain of absence40 ,when ,i was gone1 her sufferings rather increased1 and ,satan raged the more4 ,the lyon tore her as it were to pieces3 she was in a mighty conflict1 and said1 8,none knows what ,i have gone thro' in this sickness2 my enemy triumphs over me2 it is the hour of darkness1 it is more than ,i am able to bear40 99,the captive exile hasteneth that she may be loosed1 and that she should not die in the pit1 nor that her bread should fail4 ,this trial was the severest of all4 8,the devil 7she said7 besets me sorely1 ,i shall never hold out2 ,i shall perish at last2 but if ,i am lost ,i am content3 tho' ,i go down to hell1 let but ,christ be with me1 and ,i will go without fear40 ,here she seemed to be strengthened to endure a greater agony4 ,she drank of the cup which her ,lord drank of1 and had fellowship in those sufferings1 which made him cry out1 ,my ,god my ,god1 why hast thou forsaken me6 ,to compleat her distress1 the angel of death came6 ,she was struck and changed on a sudden 7so that one came and told me she was just a dying47 ,then as man would judge1 she let go her hold of ,god3 ,and the spirit failed before him1 and the soul which he had made4 99,in this dreadful moment1 this last extremity1 this deepest distress the human soul is capable ofthe ,comforter came4 ,the ,lord1 her ,saviour1 came suddenly to his temple1 as lightening shineth from one end of the heaven unto the other1 so was the coming of the ,son of man4 ,he took away the veil from her heart1 and revealed himself in her1 in a manner the world knoweth not of4 ,she broke out1 8,now ,i know that ,christ died for me4 ,he has washed me from all my sins in his precious blood4 ,i have eternal life abiding in me40 ,soon after she had found redemption1 ,i called1 and saw her in full triumph of faith4 ,o how unlike what she was at my last visit6 ,if any man is in ,christ he is a new creature4 ,this is the work which despisers will not believe1 tho' a man declare it unto them4 ,her soul was passed from death unto life1 an hidden1 everlasting life in ,god4 ,after we had prayed she witnessed a good confession4 8,i believe in ,jesus ,christ2 ,i feel the truth of these words of his1 ,i am the resurrection and the life4 ,i have no fear1 no doubt1 no trouble4 ,your words were true3 he has fulfilled his promise40 99,never did ,i behold a soul so filled4 ,some of her words were1 8,now indeed he has made me amends for my waiting4 ,blessed be ,god1 all my pain is nothing2 ,i have suffered nothing4 ,i smell the sweet odour of the name of ,jesus4 ,his smell is as the smell of ,lebanon4 ,who is so sweet as my ,beloved8 ,my ,beloved is mine1 and ,i am his4 ,i love ,jesus ,christ with all my heart4 ,i desire to be dissolved and to be with ,christ4 ,but his will be done4 ,i have no will of my own40 ,while ,i was saying1 8,doubt not1 but be persuaded that neither life nor death1 nor things present nor things0 ,she interrupted me with 8,no1 no1 ,i cannot doubt1 altho' ,i did doubt4 ,i cannot fear now2 perfect love hath cast out fear4 ,i have full redemption in the blood of ,jesus40 99,to her sisters she had said before ,i came1 8,heaven is open6 ,i see ,jesus ,christ with all his angels and saints in white4 ,and ,i am joined to them4 ,i shall never be parted more4 ,i see what ,i cannot utter or express6 ,cannot you see ,jesus ,christ8 ,there1 there he stands1 ready to receive you all4 ,o do not doubt of the love of ,jesus3 look on me6 ,if he has taken me into his bosom1 who needs despair8 ,fear not1 fear not4 ,he is loving unto every man3 ,i believe ,christ died for all40 ,her first words1 after ,i left her1 were1 8,liberty liberty6 ,this is the glorious liberty of the sons of ,god6 ,i know it1 ,i see it1 ,i feel it4 ,believe1 believe there is such a liberty6 ,and he will give it you4 ,i am sanctified wholly1 spirit1 soul and body40 ,she had spent the time1 while ,i was absent1 in fervent prayer2 and at my third visit told me1 8,i have whatsoever ,i ask4 ,i have asked life for my mother and sisters1 and have obtained it40 ,i took the opportunity1 and put her upon praying for the peace of ,jerusalem1 for union1 and for the preachers of reprobation1 that ,god might open their eyes2 for my brother1 and for the lambs of this fold1 that they might not be turned out of the way4 ,the fourth time ,i came to see her1 they told me she had been in a great conflict2 oftentimes repeating1 8,i will wrestle with thee for a blessing1 ,i will not let thee go unless thou bless him4 ,bless that soul6 ,give him the thing ,i ask40 ,at last1 she said1 8,now ,i am more than conqueror4 ,i have the petitions ,i ask4 ,not one is unanswered40 ,to me1 she said1 8,i have power with ,god1 and with man1 and have prevailed40 ,from expounding at the ,malt-room1 ,i returned the last time1 and found her ready for the ,bridegroom4 ,her every word was full of power1 and life1 and love4 ,it was the ,spirit of her ,father which spoke in her4 ,she had been wrestling again1 and making intercession for the saints1 and all mankind2 particularly our own church and nation4 ,some of her words were1 8,thy judgments are abroad in the earth2 ,o that the inhabitants of this land may learn righteousness6 ,grant me1 sweet ,jesus1 that they may repent and live40 ,she prayed fervently for the society1 that they might abide in the word1 keep close together1 and be all of one heart and mind4 ,there is a curse upon them1 7said she7 a curse of unthankfulness2 but ,i have prayed my dear ,lord to remove it1 and he will remove it40 ,when one of her sisters came to see her1 who was deeply mourning for ,christ1 she laboured much to comfort her1 bad her look at her1 so miserable and hopeless an unbeliever lately2 and assured her the ,comforter should quickly come4 ,at the sight of her sister's tears1 ,o how sweetly did she lament over her6 ,i never saw such sympathy6 ,the spirit in her mourned like a turtle-dove1 and made intercession with groanings that cannot be uttered4 99,all the time of her sickness1 she never once complained1 or shewed the least sensibility of pain1 or that she had any body at all4 ,when one asked her if she did not feel her pains1 being then in strong convulsions1 she answered1 8,my pain is great1 but ,i do not feel it4 ,it does not trouble me4 ,i chuse it rather than ease2 for my ,lord chuses it4 ,pain or ease1 life or death1 'tis all one4 ,the ,spirit beareth witness with my spirit1 that ,i am a child of ,god3 ,i have the earnest of mine inheritance in my heart4 ,i have no will4 ,i am made perfect in love40 ,i asked1 whether that peace which she tasted above a year ago1 was the same she now enjoyed8 ,she answered1 8,it was of the same kind1 in the lowest or first degree4 ,it surely was justification40 ,after ,i went1 she said1 8,this day shall ,i be with him in paradise4 ,within four and twenty hours ,i shall be with my ,beloved40 99,she continued all night in the labour of love1 making powerful supplication for all men4 ,about three on ,sunday morning she said1 8,it is finished40 ,all suffering even for others ceased from that moment1 and she began the new song1 which shall never end4 ,her whole employment now was the same with theirs1 to whom she was come1 the innumerable company of angels1 the church of the first-born4 ,she sang to the harpers harps1 without any intermission1 till two in the afternoon2 even while they were giving her cordials1 she sang4 ,her hope was full of immortality1 her looks of heaven1 till with smiles of triumph she resigned her spirit into the hands of her dear ,redeemer4 ,death wanted all its pomp and circumstances of horror4 ,she went away without an agony1 or sigh1 or groan4 ,she only rested2 and sweetly fell asleep in the arms of ,jesus4 ,a ,,letter to the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,,john ,,wesley4 ,by a ,,gentlewoman4 ,laton-,stone1 ,november #h1 #agfd4 ,reverend and dear ,sir1 ,i ,,have never yet had an opportunity of fully laying before you1 the reasons of my coming to reside at this place1 and the nature of my employment here1 which ,i will now take the liberty to do4 ,during my former abode among this people1 they were often laid on my mind in prayer1 and ,i was often greatly comforted1 by an hope1 that they would one day hear and receive the gospel4 ,removing from these parts in ,february1 #agfa1 those thoughts were taken from me1 for a season3 but after a year and an half1 being providentially called to return hither1 the same thoughts returned into my mind4 ,yet ,i could not easily consent to leave ,london1 till ,i had1 with my friend1 laid it before the ,lord2 being fully persuaded1 that if it was of ,god1 he would make plain paths for our feet4 ,soon after1 many outward providences confirmed us1 in our belief1 that it was ,god's appointment4 ,his ,spirit also shone clearer upon our souls1 and convinced us1 it was a cross which he called us to take up4 ,one day in particular1 when my friend and ,i were laying it before him in prayer1 he condescended to assure her1 that he would not send us a warfare at our own charges4 ,i thought1 let not my ,lord be angry1 and ,i will ask yet one sign more4 ,this was the settling of an affair1 which seemed to man impossible4 ,and it was settled within a few days4 ,o ,god1 who can stay thy hand8 ,but no sooner was my design mentioned to others1 than it was vehemently opposed1 one in particular charged me not to go1 saying1 8,it was all a scheme of the devil40 ,either that night1 or the next1 ,i dreamed ,i was at ,laton-,stone1 and a great number of all sorts of people about me4 ,i was prest in spirit to speak to them2 but being pained at the appearance of many gay ones among them1 ,i said1 in the anguish of my soul1 8,lord1 what do ,i here among this people80 ,immediately ,i thought ,jesus came down1 and stood just before me4 ,the brightness of his presence so overcame me1 that there was no strength left in me4 ,he said1 8,i will send you to a people1 that are not a people2 and ,i will go with you3 bring them unto me4 ,i will lay my hand upon them1 and heal them3 fear not2 only believe40 ,he then disappeared1 leaving me quite penetrated with his presence and his words4 ,after having wept some time1 ,i thought ,i told the people what the ,lord had said4 ,about half seemed serious and attentive1 and desirous of being separated from the rest4 ,i thought ,i was to find them a place to meet in3 in order to which1 ,i was obliged to walk over a floor no thicker than a wafer3 however1 ,i went over1 and not a splinter gave way under my feet4 ,soon after ,i awoke with these words1 8,the mouth of the ,lord hath spoken it40 ,our fears were now removed1 and on ,march #bd1 #agfc1 we came to this house1 in obedience to what we believed the will of our heavenly ,father4 ,we came1 trusting in him2 and1 blessed be ,god1 we have not trusted him in vain4 ,from the first hour we found his presence with us1 but did not see1 for what end we were come4 ,we therefore stood still to see his salvation4 ,mean time we determined1 to live by rule in every thing3 and in order to supply the want of the public means1 from which we were in great measure cut off1 we agreed to spend an hour every evening1 part in reading to the family1 and part in private prayers4 ,the first book we read was1 8,the ,rebuke to ,backsliders1 and ,spur to ,loiterers40 ,and glory be to ,god1 our meeting has hitherto never been in vain4 ,in about a week1 a poor woman whom ,i had formerly talked with1 coming to ask charity1 desired to know1 if she might not come when we went to prayers8 ,i told her1 she might at seven in the evening4 ,she did so1 as did two or three more soon after4 ,we then appointed them to come on ,thursday nights4 ,in a little time they were increased to above twenty4 ,we now thought it best1 to talk with them1 and that as closely as we could4 ,some were quickly offended and came no more4 ,some appeared convinced of sin4 ,these we desired to come to us on ,tuesday nights2 and the second time we met1 two of them found peace with ,god4 ,a little before this1 we judged the time was come to have public preaching here4 ,this was a close trial to me1 such as few can conceive1 unless they have been in the same situation4 ,but ,i knew1 whosoever would not forsake all1 could not be ,christ's disciple3 seeing he had said1 ,if any man love father or mother more than me1 he is not worthy of me4 ,we then applied to you1 and the next ,sunday1 ,may the #beth1 ,mr4 ,murlin preached the first sermon4 ,this continued every other ,sunday1 though not without considerable opposition4 ,in ,november1 ,mr4 ,morgan received twenty-five into the society1 and divided them into two classes4 ,ah ,lord6 ,how many of these shall ,i meet at the resurrection of the just6 ,but a new scene now opened4 ,the reasons on which ,i proceeded1 ,i will lay before you as plainly as ,i can4 ,from a child ,i have ever believed1 ,god had appointed me for some work1 in which ,i should be much blest1 if ,i was faithful2 but that if ,i took up with any thing less than ,i was called to1 ,i should only be saved as by fire4 ,often have ,i panted after an outward1 as well as inward conformity to the will of ,god2 greatly desiring to live as the first ,christians did1 when all that believed were of one soul1 and counted not any of the things they possessed their own4 ,but ,i saw the time was not yet come2 yet ,i could not but believe1 in your day something of this kind would be4 ,when ,i was about seventeen1 the ,lord was pleased to shew me1 that ,i was not to build tabernacles here4 ,for none of those ways ,i had cut out for myself1 were such as he had appointed for me4 ,i cannot better describe what ,i then felt1 than by transcribing part of a letter to a friend4 8,the ,lord has been merciful above all ,i can ask or think4 ,i found a greater blessing the last time ,i was in town than ever40,and within this day or two1 ,i see much more clearly the way in which ,i ought to walk4 ,the ,lord seems to call me to much more activeness1 so that ,i am sometimes ready to cry out1 8,lord1 what wouldst thou have me to do80 ,then ,i considered1 ,can ,i do more for the souls or bodies of those about me8 ,but this does not seem to be the thing4 99,what ,i am now led to wish for is1 to serve those that are in ,christ1 both with soul and body4 ,and as soon as the ,lord has prepared me for his work1 and set me at liberty1 my firm resolution is1 by the grace of ,god1 to be wholly given up to the church4 ,i plainly see1 ,i have no more to do with the world1 than to allow myself the bare necessaries of life4 ,and tho' it has pleased ,god1 ,i should not have my living to work for1 that is no reason my hands should be idle4 ,i would be as those described by ,st4 ,paul1 to bring up children1 to lodge strangers1 to be ready for the meanest offices1 to relieve the afflicted1 to visit the fatherless and widows1 and diligently follow after every good work40 ,epping-,forest1 ,may #bc1 #ageg4 ,i have ever since found the same impressions on my soul2 and when we came to this house1 ,i felt a kind of rest ,i did not before1 as if ,i was where ,god would have me to be4 ,but one day reflecting1 that we had more room than we wanted1 and thinking1 whom ,i should take in to fill it1 it was strongly imprest upon my mind1 ,he that believeth shall not make haste4 ,not long after the thought of bringing up children returned4 ,but ,i was afraid of making haste2 till it appeared from many reasons to be the will of ,god1 that we should take in one that offered4 ,soon after we were induced to receive another1 and presently two more4 ,i now saw our family would be an increasing one2 as we could not bring up even these children properly1 without a person whose constant business it should be1 to teach them during the school-hours4 ,for it was impossible we should do it long1 while we were necessarily employed in so many other things4 ,i knew this1 and the other expences which must attend the keeping six or seven children1 would require an hundred a year more than ,i had4 ,but ,i remembered again1 ,the ,lord liveth1 and truly hitherto he hath helped us4 99,our method of educating our children is this4 ,as our design is to fit them for good servants1 we endeavour as early as possible1 to inure them to labour1 early-rising and cleanliness4 ,we have now eleven4 ,three of these1 7two of whom are eleven years old1 the other1 between nine and ten7 rise at four4 ,one lights the nursery fire1 one mine1 the other1 that below4 ,at five1 the rest of the family are called4 ,and when the children are drest and have prayed1 they go 7in summer7 in the garden from six till half an hour after1 while the bigger ones make the beds1 and clean the rooms4 ,at half hour after six we all join in family prayer3 at seven breakfast in the same room2 two or three upon herb tea1 the rest upon milk-porridge4 ,at eight1 the bell rings for school1 where they continue till twelve2 and then after a few minutes spent in prayer1 come to us4 ,in winter1 this is their hour for exercise1 instead of the morning and evening4 ,in hot weather we read to them something they are pleased with1 or converse familiarly1 so as 7without seeming to aim at it7 to instil into them principles of religion1 at the same time giving them some kind of employ1 which is rather amusement than business3 yet it just takes off the appearance of idleness4 ,for1 from the very beginning1 they have been carefully taught1 never to do any thing1 but what they could give ,god a reason for4 ,on this account we never use the term play1 nor suffer any to give them those toys or play-things1 which children are usually brought up to spend half their time in4 ,and when some of these were privately given1 they threw them aside without any bidding4 ,their recreation consists in diversifying their business1 which is varied even during their school-hours4 ,only the very little ones now and then run in the garden for a quarter of an hour2 but still with a degree of seriousness2 and they know it is for their health4 ,at one we dine3 at two school begins again1 except on ,saturdays4 ,at five they return to us4 ,about six they sup4 ,at half after six they begin to be washed1 and at seven go to bed4 ,indeed in summer their supper is sooner1 so that they have an hour with us in the garden4 ,during this time they are all employed1 some in watering1 others in fetching the water1 the rest in pumping4 ,and work of this kind they are all very fond of4 99,but ,o6 what a want of wisdom do ,i find6 ,i see in them1 what ,i cannot put in practice4 ,i want the children not to be a moment from under the eye and the attention of some judicious person3 so that if the eleven children were at work in so many different parts of the garden1 one might observe1 that each works diligently4 ,for sloth in temporals always produces sloth in spirituals4 ,yet at the same time their work must not be a task2 for then it would not answer the end4 ,again1 their thoughts all the day long will naturally tend to evil4 ,and their words will be trifling4 ,to bid them do otherwise1 avails no more1 than to bid the blackamoor be white4 ,and to reprove them continually1 would be a burden greater than they could bear4 ,but if by little stories and hints1 their minds could be insensibly drawn to better subjects1 they would be at length brought to remember1 that ,god is present1 and is looking upon them every moment4 ,when ,i consider this1 and many more things1 which ,i see afar off1 but cannot bring to effect1 ,i am constrained to say1 8,o ,lord6 ,i am not yet throughly furnished to every good work40 ,some may say1 8,this is worldly wisdom1 not gospel simplicity4 ,and after all you cannot change their hearts40 ,most certain4 ,but hath not ,god said1 ,train up a child in the way it should go8 ,now ,i think true simplicity is to obey ,god1 and leave the consequence to him4 ,and we have already reason to believe1 our labour has not been in vain4 ,there are dawnings of grace in most of the children4 ,some of them ,god was pleased to bless in a particular manner1 on the #gth of last ,june4 ,in the evening1 ,betty ,l1 about ten years old1 was much concerned for one of the little ones1 who had stole something4 ,when they went to bed1 not knowing they were overheard1 thy began to converse freely2 and ,betty ,l said1 8,let us go to prayer for ,h's soul40 ,she then prayed in a very affecting manner1 afterwards one about eight1 prayed1 pleading much for ,h1 and added1 8,lord1 don't let us so think of her sin1 as to forget our own4 ,lord don't let us laugh and trifle1 and talk of foolish things when we come off our knees1 but make us ,christians40 ,one of them then thanked ,god1 for their 8good corrections1 and teaching10 and said 8,lord1 if we are not ,christians1 we shall be more punished than others40 ,when they had done1 ,nancy ,tripp went in to undress them4 ,she first went to prayer with them as usual1 and the spirit of conviction fell on ,betty ,l in a very uncommon manner4 ,we came up and found her in an exceeding great agony3 she was the very picture of terror4 ,the veins of her neck were as if they would burst4 ,she wrung her hands1 and cried with a bitter cry1 8,o my sins60 ,i believe more than an hundred times4 ,she then broke out into such a confession of her original sin1 and heart sins1 as was quite astonishing3 adding1 8,o6 ,i have never done any thing for thee in my whole life4 ,i have broke all thy laws1 ,i have kept the devil's commandments2 ,i have kept none of thy commandments4 ,may such a wretch come to the ,lord8 ,wilt thou receive me8 ,wilt thou pardon me8 ,wilt thou make me a ,christian8 ,tell me1 ,lord1 shall ,i go to heaven or hell8 ,shall ,i go to heaven or hell1 ,lord8 ,o tell me6 ,shall ,i go to heaven or hell8 ,wilt thou make me a ,christian8 ,wilt thou forgive me80 ,she then paused a little1 and added1 8,but wilt thou1 ,lord8 ,yes1 he will1 he will4 ,but wilt thou ,lord8 ,yes1 thou wilt1 thou wilt40 ,mr4 ,dornford then gave out an hymn4 ,she now seemed quite calm3 the horror which before appeared in her countenance was gone1 and had left a sweet smile4 ,her attention seemed quite fixt4 ,and after remaining some time with her eyes upward1 she said1 8,jesus is smiling upon me40 ,she had at the same time a sight of him as upon the cross1 saying1 8,i have pardoned all your sins2 and if you pray1 ,i will give you abundant love40 ,after she had sat silent a while1 she broke out1 8,o what a sweet ,saviour he is6 ,he has forgiven me all my sins,all1 all4 ,lord1 thou wilt1 thou hast forgiven me4,o let them be perfectly forgiven6 ,but shall ,i ever sin again1 ,lord8 ,o don't let me sin again40 ,some time after1 she said1 8,o what a sweet ,saviour thou art6 ,what sweet love is thine6 ,o for more such love1 more such love as thine6 ,but don't let me sin again6 ,fill me with love1 that ,i may never sin again60 8thy0 replaced with 8they0 per ,errata ,this scene was striking3 but it was nothing to the change that followed4 ,she was of a far worse natural temper1 then any of the children3 but now it might indeed be said1 8,love made her willing heart in swift obedience move40 ,so great was the change both in will and understanding1 as plainly declared the hand that wrought it4 ,we sometimes hope1 several of them will chuse to be entirely devoted to ,god4 ,if so1 they may continue together when they grow up1 each following such an employment as she is fit for1 and all throwing the produce of their labour into a common stock1 and may not ,god be pleased to call some young women1 not brought up with us1 who have a desire to devote themselves wholly to ,god1 to cast in their lot with us8 ,perhaps some who do not want1 may be glad to get out of the hurry of the world1 at least for a season1 that the tender flame may not be put out1 nor any unhallowed fires mix with it4 ,how much is something of this kind wanted8 ,a place of refuge for the weak and unexperienced8 ,how often do we see those who are just setting out in the good way1 either wholly turned aside1 or at least persuaded to take up with a lower way1 than the ,spirit of ,god at first pointed out8 ,but if ever this design be brought to perfection1 it is ,god only that must chuse the persons1 and bring us together1 as it is he only that maketh men to be of one mind in an house4 ,and whosoever comes to us1 must desire to be conformed to their crucified head4 ,we can promise them only poverty1 labour and sorrow1 the inward and outward cross4 ,but when they embrace this with their whole hearts1 they assuredly experience1 that in poverty is riches1 in labour ease1 and in sorrow constant rejoicing4 ,all this is in the hand of my ,god1 as also another thought ,i had1 concerning aged widows4 ,but so exceeding great is his faithfulness1 that ,i know not how to despair of any thing4 ,a few of the many instances hereof1 which we have received1 you must give me leave to mention4 ,i have been always led1 since ,i had any work of ,god upon my soul1 to walk by faith in outward things as well as inward4 ,hence ,i have frequently1 when an object of distress presented1 gone beyond my income1 believing ,god would make it up in the time of need4 ,in this confidence1 ,i received four or five more children1 though ,i had nothing in hand1 and more bedding and cloaths were to be bought immediately4 ,for this we wanted two guineas directly4 ,some friends sending us word1 they would call on such a day2 my friend prayed1 that ,god would put it into their hearts to help us4 ,they came1 and one of them put two guineas into my hand4 ,we praised the ,lord1 and received it as a token for good4 ,soon after we were advised to put up a poor box4 ,i found great reluctance to it1 which convinced me1 it requires less grace in some cases1 to give than to receive4 ,however1 laying it before the ,lord in prayer1 ,i saw it was his will1 and consented4 ,so on ,tuesday1 ,february #a1 it was put up in the passage-room1 with this inscription1 8,for the maintenance of a few poor orphans1 that they may be brought up in the fear of the ,lord40 ,a few days after we took out #bs4 #g;d4 but no more for a great while4 ,during this time we were much straitened1 not having the nursery furnished1 nor the necessaries for the children4 ,it was now strongly suggested1 8,you see you have done wrong1 and ,god will not help you any more40 ,but having recourse to prayer1 our faith was strengthened4 ,soon after1 the following thought was much imprest on my mind4 ,if ,christ was now upon earth1 and in want of food and raiment1 should ,i be afraid to give him mine1 lest ,i should want it myself8 ,should ,i not rather say1 8,let all ,i have be offered1 for the necessities of my ,lord4 ,he is well able to repay it1 and if he is not1 then let us want together40 ,i saw the case with the children was the same1 and that what was done to one of these1 was done to him4 ,a light broke in upon my mind which quite satisfied me1 and constrained me to say1 8,lord1 thy word is enough1 thou hast said1 ,love one another as ,i have loved you3 let their wants be mine1 my substance theirs40 ,we were now not only in want of the things above-mentioned1 but of money to keep the house4 ,just then a guinea was put into the box1 and soon after1 another3 in a few days one brought us thirty shillings1 saying1 8,fear not3 only believe40 ,about the same time we received four guineas from another hand1 which helped us through that quarter4 ,to avoid tediousness1 ,i pass over many other helps which we received from time to time2 confining myself to those wherein the hand of the ,lord is more eminently to be observed4 99,some time since1 being obliged to pay a sum of money in a day's time1 and having none in the house1 nor any due1 ,i attempted to borrow it of a friend1 but could not4 ,i tried another1 and was disappointed there also4 ,not knowing what to do1 ,i went up stairs and waited before the ,lord1 telling him ,i would yet trust him and praise him4 ,opening the last volume of sermons1 ,i cast my eye on this sentence1 8,christ charges himself with all our temporal affairs1 when we charge ourselves with those that relate to his glory40 ,it was applied to my heart with such a power1 as ,i had very seldom felt4 ,and such a sense of the immediate presence of ,god seized my soul as almost overwhelmed it4 ,o what a freedom of spirit did ,i feel6 ,i could truly say1 8,all my care on thee is cast40 ,in the evening1 a person desired to speak with me1 and brought me a little above the sum4 99,in ,spring we were again reduced to about one penny1 and expected a bill of two or three pounds to be brought in every hour4 ,we looked to the ,lord1 and found him again to be a present help4 ,for while we were consulting what to do1 a basket came which one had sent us from ,london1 with some provisions1 and a little parcel1 in which were four pounds1 three shillings and ninepence4 ,in ,august we had an hour of trial again4 ,the children being increased to ten1 we were in great want of linen2 but how to procure it for them we could not tell4 ,i was unwilling to run farther in debt1 having already spent the two next quarters before they came in1 nor was that enough to pay what was owing4 ,and ,i had nothing in the house4 ,so we agreed to lay it before the ,lord together4 ,while ,i was alone1 it was violently suggested1 8there is so much of self in all you do1 that ,god is rather dishonoured than glorified thereby40 ,i said1 8,lord1 ,i am the purchase of thy blood4 ,i plead that only4 ,and ,i believe thou wilt not leave me1 nor forsake me40 ,afterwards ,i felt much peace4 ,rising from my knees1 ,i opened the bible on the following words4 ,acquaint thyself now with him1 and be at peace2 thereby shall good come unto thee4 ,thenthe ,almighty shall be thy defence1 and thou shalt have plenty of silverthou shalt also decree a thing1 and it shall be established1 and the light shall shine on thy ways4 ,i felt my soul instantly strengthened4 ,and every word was so opened and applied1 that to this day it seems new whenever ,i read it3 particularly that promise1 ,thou shall decree a thing1 and it shall be established1 and the light shall shine on thy ways4 ,indeed the whole appeared more full and strong than ,i have words to express4 ,two or three days after we received five guineas2 the same day three more1 and two from another hand4 ,in a little while we received four more1 with a promise of the same yearly4 ,o my ,god1 who would not trust thee8 ,who would not take thee at thy word8 ,perhaps some will wonder1 how one who has so great an income as ,i1 can ever experience want4 ,but you know what ,i have4 ,you know likewise1 that before ,i took any children1 ,i every year spent more than my income1 trusting that ,god would supply what was lacking4 ,others may wonder at my present imprudent way of proceeding2 but ,i know in whom ,i have believed4 ,indeed had ,i sought the praise of men1 ,i should have taken care of myself rather than of others4 ,for ,i know1 so long as thou dost well unto thyself1 men will speak well of thee4 ,but we have chose the cross for our portion1 and we cannot give it up4 ,a few days since having paid the week's bill1 my friend said1 8,we have but a few shillings left40 ,the ,tuesday following ,i received two letters4 ,opening one of them ,i was a little surprised1 to find a guinea inclosed1 with the following lines from one ,i had never conversed with4 ,november #e1 #agfd4 8,my dear child1 ,with much pleasure ,i heard your charitable design1 which ,i pray ,god to bless and succeed4 ,be never discouraged1 though divine wisdom should exercise you at times1 even with many1 great and alarming difficulties3 for this is frequently the way in which ,god leads his children1 in order to improve their faith and patience4 ,but even supposing he should not succeed this affair1 according to your present plan1 yet he will never fail to bless those1 who sincerely endeavour to promote his honour1 the kingdom of the ,lord ,jesus1 and the good of souls4 8,i desire that you would accept of the inclosed1 and that you would set me down as an annual contributor of the same sum4 ,may the ,lord ,jesus ,christ be with all of us3 forget us not in your prayers4 ,i am1 with much respect and regard4 ,your very affectionate friend40 ,these lines were greatly blest to me1 and ,i found much thankfulness4 ,in the other letter was another guinea inclosed1 with these few words3 8,i have felt your burden1 and should be thankful you had more help4 ,but perhaps it is rather the will of ,god concerning you1 to give you day by day your daily bread4 ,i pray him to be with you40 ,the same night one brought half a guinea from a person unknown1 who desired to be set down as an annual contributor of two ,guineas4 ,when a yearly subscription was first proposed1 ,i was averse to it1 fearing it might give offence1 till a very particular friend1 mentioned it to a few of her acquaintance1 unknown to us4 ,afterwards ,i was convinced1 it was of ,god4 ,it now amounts to about fourteen pounds a year4 ,our family at present consists of sixteen3 eleven children1 one teacher for them1 one servant1 ourselves1 and one lame with the palsy4 ,when ,i look back to last ,christmas1 ,i am astonished at the loving-kindness of my ,god6 ,what he hath done for us1 and what he hath brought us through1 ,i can easier bless him for1 than repeat6 ,one thing more ,i ask of him3 ,and in this also he will hear me3 that he would restore sevenfold into the bosom of those he has made helpful to us1 either by prayer1 by word1 or by deed4 ,and if a cup of cold water is not forgotten before him1 surely not one of these shall lose their reward4 ,o ,sir1 we have so many mercies1 ,i know not how to leave off recounting them4 ,now ,i see that design of ,god1 in joining sister ,r4 and me together4 ,it would have been impossible for me to have gone through my present undertaking alone4 ,i know ,i have neither grace for the spiritual1 nor capacity for the temporal part4 ,it is therefore in the greatest tenderness1 that our ,lord has given her to us as a mother4 ,i trust1 both this and every blessing1 shall have the effect which ,god designed in it4 ,i am1 ,m4 ,b4 ,an ,,extract of ,,letters4 ,by ,mrs4 ,l999999994 ,to the ,,reader4 ,,the person who published these letters about twelve years ago1 observes1 the writer of them1 8never supposed they would be made public1 but put down the sentiments of her heart1 in the confidence of friendship4 ,this may excuse the inaccuracies some may find3 besides they are not recommended as patterns of polite1 epistolary correspondence4 ,their merit is of another kind4 ,it consists neither in the fineness of the language1 nor in the elegance of the manner40,i really think it does1 as well as 8in the goodness of the sentiment40 ,i am not ashamed to recommend them1 as 8patterns of truly polite1 epistolary correspondence30 expressing the noblest sentiments in the most elegant manner1 in the purest1 yea1 and finest language4 ,yet undoubtedly even the beauty of the language is nothing compared to the spirit which breathes throughout4 ,happy they who both taste her spirit and are partakers of it3 who walk in the light as he is the light1 and know that the blood of ,jesus ,christ his ,son cleanseth from all sin4 ,j4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,letters ,to ,mrs4 999999994 ,,your letter1 my ever dear friend1 has been a great blessing to me2 that you should write in the style you now do1 filled me with such a sense of mine own unworthiness1 and of the goodness of ,god to me1 that it melted my stony heart1 and drew tears from mine eyes4 ,oh would the ,god ,i adore enable me to be of any help to you1 how would my soul dilate in thankfulness8 ,blessed ,redeemer1 draw us both1 and so will we run after thee4 ,oh ,spirit of truth1 descend on thine unworthy servants1 and make us fully sensible of the seal of our redemption6 ,convince us still more deeply of our sins1 and make us still more fully to know1 that they are washed away by the blood of ,jesus4 ,thou knowest the burdens we labour under1 the dissipations of our thoughts1 our wandrings in prayer1 our spiritual sloth1 and all the hardness of our hearts4 ,stir us up earnestly to seek after the things of ,god1 and fix our inconstant minds4 ,thou knowest that we desire 7for this desire comes from thee7 that the love of the ,father may abide in our hearts4 ,we beg thine assistance that we may eagerly seek after this love4 ,oh teach us the prayer of faith1 and enable us constantly and undauntedly to press forward toward the mark of the prize of our high calling6 ,be thou our guide1 be thou our comforter for ever and for ever4 ,amen1 ,amen4 99,what a task have you laid upon me8 ,i watch over you6 ,i your guide6 ,this quite overcomes me4 ,i cannot bear it4 ,oh1 my love1 there is no one so much wants a guide and a director as ,i do4 ,sure this letter of your's was particularly designed by providence to humble me2 but unworthy as ,i am1 ,i will by the grace of ,god strive to do every thing you desire of me3 but then you must return the same to me1 and take me into the number of those you watch over4 ,let us go hand in hand in these paths which lead to everlasting life4 ,what shall ,i say to quicken your steps8 ,it was said to me since ,i saw you1 by ,mr4 99999999 8,i hope still to have a great deal more pleasure from you1 by seeing you press forward40 ,think these words were addressed to you by the same person4 ,oh what a blessing of ,god accompanies the words of one who is uniformly a ,christian1 of one who spends and is spent for the service of his master1 of one who has no view but the glory of ,god and the salvation of souls6 ,who would not strive earnestly to follow so bright an example8 ,the very sight of such a person animates the soul in its warfare4 ,o what soul1 which is the least alive to ,god1 would not even agonize to be perfectly renewed after the image of ,christ8 ,is your heart1 is my heart so dead1 that this will not affect it8,alas1 ,i grieve for mine ownmay ,god give me to rejoice for your's4 ,i have time for no more4 ,may the blessing and influence of the ever-adorable ,trinity1 ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,spirit1 be continually with your soul4 ,i am your ever-affectionate1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,think you are now through divine grace1 strong enough to bear what ,i am going to say to you1 that ,i have long seen a mixture of pride and vanity even in the best of your performances4 ,but ,i could hardly allow myself to believe it4 ,what6 have ,i often said1 shall ,i judge so of her1 whom every body admires for her surprising modesty and humility8 ,is it not because she is more excellent than myself1 and therefore ,i am seeking to find some fault in her8 ,then ,i have often prayed to ,god1 not to suffer my soul to be deceived by any sinister views1 and to perfect in you what was wanting4 ,and this ,i trust he will do for us both1 if we keep the longing eye of our souls steadily fixed upon him4 ,oh for holiness of heart6 ,let us labour1 my dear companion1 for holiness1 as a dying sinner labours for life4 ,i had yesterday a most delightful letter from ,mr4 999999994 ,it sent me to my knees so convinced of my black ingratitude to my heavenly ,father1 that ,i could neither find words nor thoughts sufficient to express my unworthiness2 yet at the same time my heart was full of thanksgiving1 under a sense of his unbounded mercies4 ,o help me1 my dear friend1 to be more and more thankful6 ,such advantagesdearest ,jesus1 how justly great must be my condemnation1 if ,i do not make suitable improvements4 ,take the latter part of ,mr4 99999999's letter1 apply it to yourself constantly1 every minute if possible4 8,you have need therefore to watch and pray always1 and then especially when you might seem to have least need4 ,you have reason to fear always3 for your enemies are always watching4 ,but you have reason likewise to rejoice always1 because he that keepeth you never sleeps40 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,have read your letter with tears1 and earnest prayers to ,god for you1 and for myself4 ,we are both unworthy creatures2 indeed1 my love1 we are more unworthy than we can either express or conceive4 ,o let us fly to the blood of sprinkling4 ,there and there alone can we find help4 ,thanks be to ,god1 that you have a clear view of your own heart4 ,this is a most profitable prospect1 though a most dreadful one4 ,think me not cruel1 when ,i wish that the holy ,spirit may deeply wound your soul with a sense of its corruptions4 ,the deeper the conviction1 the firmer the peace that follows4 99,i hardly know how to believe you1 when you tell me you are hurried away by desires after worldly happiness4 ,is it possible8 ,alas1 my friend1 pardon the harshness of the expression1 if the love of the world is in your heart1 you are only a painted sepulchre1 beautiful indeed outwardly1 but within4 ,my dear creature1 ,i cannot bear to think thisa ,christian to be hurried away with desires and endeavours after worldly happiness6 ,if ,st4 ,paul's character of a ,christian is right1 how far are you from being a ,christian8 8,ye are dead10 says he1 8and your life is hid with ,christ in ,god40 ,may not these violent ragings of pride1 vanity1 c4 you speak of1 be some of the last struggles of a dying enemy8 ,when the strong man armed keepeth his house1 his goods are in peace4 ,but when there is a stronger comes upon him to overcome him1 and to take from him that armour in which he trusted1 no wonder the house is in a tumult4 ,and this ,i hope is your present case4 ,but beware1 my dear soul1 of thinking1 that you never should be otherwise4 ,limit not the grace of ,god4 ,he has only to say1 ,peace1 be still1 and immediately the winds and seas obey him4 8,but how to obtain this peace80 ,oh my dear friend1 will you follow the advice of the meanest and most unworthy of the servants of ,christ8 ,look upon yourself as being only now fully convinced of your guilt and dreadful condition4 ,look upon yourself as a poor1 lost1 helpless1 miserable creature4 ,set before your eyes your sins1 with all their aggravations2 and when your soul is weighed down to the dust under a sense of your own vileness1 then throw yourself at the foot of the cross3 there lie as a loathsome leper before the almighty healer3 there let your parched soul gasp 7with the utmost stretch of all your faculties7 after those life-giving streams which flowed from ,christ's hands1 his feet1 his pierced side2 and there keep the eye of your mind fixed1 until the still small voice be heard in your soul8,be of good cheer1 thy sins are forgiven thee40 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,was in hopes1 my dear1 that ,i had cause to think you had gained ground2 but if ,i was mistaken1 am very sorry4 ,god forbid however that you should have gone back3 ,i must not for my own ease believe that4 99,the reason for your not finding so much comfort as usual flowing from the cross1 is because you lay yourself too much out upon outward things4 ,i doubt not but your own will is indeed very powerful1 and it will ever be so1 while you indulge yourself in castle-building4 ,let your schemes be ever so good1 they are 7unless ,god had given you the means and power to perform them7 merely the creatures of your own will2 and ,i don't know any thing that self-will more delights in1 than in these imaginary good projects4 ,believe me1 my dear soul1 ,i speak from experience4 ,there is nothing more encourages self-will1 pride1 and every temper we ought to subdue1 than these schemes4 ,for ,god's sake strive to get the better of this folly4 ,i know your temper is naturally inclined to it1 and therefore you ought to be more particularly watchful4 ,cannot you1 my love1 keep your thoughts fixed on the present moment1 in a constant dependance on the leadings of the ,spirit of ,god1 and only wishing that every succeeding moment may bring a new accession of grace to your soul1 without fixing on the particular means1 by which you would have it come8 ,when the will is in this total resignation to ,god1 it brings a peace to the soul1 which cannot be described4 ,i don't like your going to ,vauxhall1 ,i think you ought to try every possible means1 to get off4 ,suppose you were to be sincere1 and own it was against your conscience4 ,pray ,god direct you what to do4 ,if you are really forced to go1 ,god will preserve your heart from the pollutions of the place4 ,if this is the case1 ,i think you will be in less danger of being hurt there1 than in your visit to ,mrs4 999999993 for in this visit you will lie exposed to the worst enemy you have1 that is1 yourself4 ,with those good people1 whom you love and admire1 and who love and admire you1 you will without the most constant watchfulness1 be continually falling into self-seeking and self-applause4 ,i fear1 my love1 you will soon think me too plain in my speaking2 but ,i cannot answer it to my conscience1 since what has past between us1 not to warn you of every thing which seems to me to prevent your progress in grace4 ,don't imagine though1 that ,i wish you would not make this visit to ,mrs4 999999992 quite the contrary2 but ,i wish you to keep the most constant guard upon your own heart1 that what should be for your health1 be not unto you an occasion of falling4 ,i am your ever sincere and affectionate1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 99,i ,,thank ,god1 that you now see the danger of wandring imaginations in a clearer light2 but ,i cannot guess what schemes a heart like yours 7which ,i should hope was desirous of nothing but what immediately tended to increase in it the love of ,god7 can pursue1 which are not for what we call doing good4 ,depend upon it1 my dear1 if you can by an act of your will waste a thought on any future view of happiness1 that regards only your situation in this world1 you are yet far from the kingdom of ,god4 ,to a soul1 that has but the lowest sense of the pardoning love of ,god1 every thing that does not lead to a greater sense of this love is insipid4 ,outward things1 according to the present circumstances we are in1 ought to be attended to with prudence1 though not with anxiousness2 but that soul which runs out after them in future1 ought to tremble4 ,my dear creature1 are we not every moment on the brink of eternity1 and may plunge in the next1 for ought we know8 ,what then have we to do1 but every moment to grasp after new degrees of grace1 new power over sin1 a still higher sense of the love of ,god shed abroad in our hearts8 8,without holiness no man shall see the ,lord0,alas6 what is a life of sixty or seventy years 7supposing we could be certain of so many7 to attain universal holiness8 ,and shall we lose a moment8 ,outwardly we must a great many3 but still our hearts may be gaining ground in the steady pursuit of that end1 for which we were created1 and to which we have such glorious encouragements4 ,what6 shall ,christ cry out to us in vain1 8,give me thy heart80 ,or shall we dare to divide that heart1 which cost him so dear8 ,o my friend1 be jealous for your redeeming ,god4 ,suffer not that soul1 for which he shed his precious blood1 to stray one moment from him4 missing word 8of0 inserted ,i am sorry you found pleasure at ,vauxhall4 ,i could not have believed it1 had you not told me so yourself4 ,i see1 my love1 ,i have thought far too highly of you4 ,what a frightful distance is there still between you1 and a ,christian6 ,could any one who had the mind which was in ,christ have felt pleasure1 where they saw ,god dishonoured1 and their fellow-creatures running headlong to destruction8 ,you had reason indeed to be ashamed1 and thank ,god that you was so4 ,the curiosity in regard to the astronomical instruments might distract your mind for a longer time1 but your taking delight in these did not shew such an excessive depravity of heart1 as the other3 for astronomy is only accidentally made a means of dishonouring ,god1 and hurting the souls of men2 but ,vauxhall is necessarily so4 ,i am your ever affectionate1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 99,i ,,write1 my love1 to you to thank you for the pleasure you gave me last ,thursday1 and still to urge you more and more continually to press forwards4 ,young as you are1 you may perhaps be very near the end of your course1 and the time given you to work in may1 for ought you know1 be very nearly elapsed4 ,that form of yours1 which now delights the eyes of your friend1 and seems to promise a long continuance of health and vigour1 may soon perhaps become defaced and loathsome meat for crawlings worms1 and that soul1 that precious and immortal soul of yours1 which is now far from loving its ,creator as it ought to do1 may soon stand naked in the sight of that ,god1 to whom it has been ungratefulits day of probation pastand its lot cast for a whole eternity4 ,oh my friend1 my dearest companion in my pilgrimage1 ,i conjure you by all your heart holds dear1 that you lose not a moment6 ,oh may that ,god1 who is love itself1 so inflame your soul with a sense of his love1 as may consume all its dross1 and make it through ,christ an acceptable sacrifice to himself6 ,i think the last time ,i saw you ,i had the satisfaction of observing less of self-seeking in you1 than ,i ever did before4 ,sure ,god will give me greatly to rejoice in you4 ,farewel4 ,whenever1 my love1 ,i think too well of you1 fail not to tell me1 and take shame to yourself for deceiving me4 ,i am your's1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,thank you for your letters1 and rejoice at a great part of the account you give me4 ,you have been very happy indeed2 and it seems to me that ,god gave you this happiness as preparatory to the trials1 which were to ensue4 ,and if you should after this goodness of ,god towards you1 grieve his holy ,spirit1 by suffering your heart to indulge any temper1 which you know to be contrary to his will1 what words would be strong enough to paint your black ingratitude8 ,i will deal plainly with you4 ,i think you are now in a most dangerous situation4 ,every thing around you will conspire to tempt you to the sin which most easily besets you1 and therefore you must not be one moment off your guard4 ,you must pray without ceasing1 even in the fullest sense of the words and constantly strive to have strongly painted in your imagination ,jesus ,christ1 and him crucified4 ,there is nothing ,i think more tends to humble us1 than the consideration of the sufferings of ,christ4 ,when you find yourself going to say or do any thing with a view to praise1 think1 this temper1 this vanity of mine added to the weight of my ,saviour's sufferings1 and made more bitter his cup of bitterness4 ,oh1 if you had a soul capable of feeling1 if you have one spark of gratitude1 can you think this1 and sin8 ,was you now standing on ,mount ,calvary near the cross of the blessed ,jesus 7suppose the dreadful deed was but now performing7 and you saw the ,redeemer of the world just nailed to his cross1 say1 would you help to drive the nails still deeper8 ,would you press the thorns closer to his sacred temples8 ,would you help to increase that load1 which made him cry out1 8,my ,god1 my ,god1 why hast thou forsaken me80 ,does not your soul shudder at the thought8 ,o my friend would you not rather die1 gladly die1 for this your suffering ,lord8 ,would you not gladly be cut in ten thousand pieces to save him one pang8 ,i know you would4 ,and will you not strive against that sin1 which increased his sufferings8 ,will you not strive1 my love8,yes1 sure you will4 ,is not every thing we can give up by far too small a return for what the ,redeemer has done for us8 ,and shall we not give this little8 ,above all shall we not give up what most of all separates us from him1 our self-love1 and self-seeking8 ,think my friend when any one is hinting to you1 how extraordinary you are8this person is ignorantly driving me from my ,saviour40 ,and if you should1 which ,god forbid1 find yourself tempted to indulge a vain complacency in their applause1 think immediately how their praise would be turned into contempt1 did they know your heart as it really is1 and blush for thus deceiving them4 ,recollect some of the mean motives which perhaps have been the springs of some of your most admired words and actions1 and let your soul within you be humbled to the dust4 ,and my dear1 ,i beg you will be careful how you draw praise upon yourself by praising others4 ,this is what ,i am very apt to fall into2 and therefore ,i am the more sensible of its hurtfulness4 ,and beware how you suffer yourself to attempt explaining nice points of doctrine1 unless it is evident there will be good done by it1 and then you may hope ,god will preserve you from the pride1 which generally accompanies this display of the capacity4 ,may you constantly walk in the light of ,god's countenance1 and go on conquering1 and to conquer6 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,am glad1 my dear friend1 that your visit to 99999999 has been of such benefit to you2 and ,i pray ,god to continue it to your soul1 and not to suffer these impressions to wear off4 ,temptations doubtless will attend every situation we are in2 but the soul that rests secure in the love of ,god will easily conquer them4 ,i wish you may find more and more benefit from the church prayers3 they are for human compositions very excellent1 and ,i belief the best form of prayers that ever was put together4 ,i cannot reproach you for that which ,god has pardoned1 but you certainly ought now to be more watchful1 that you fall not again2 for then great indeed would be your condemnation4 ,the danger which may accrue to you by going to ,miss 99999999 will ,i find be known to you by experience only4 ,she is certainly a good creature herself1 and ,i love her1 but there is a spirit haunts her absolutely contrary to the spirit ,i am seeking after4 ,she is not capable1 my dear1 of watching your words with any ill design4 ,her only view is to find out your errors4 ,and if possible cure you of them4 ,i doubt not but if you could converse with her alone1 and keep clear of disputes1 she might be of great use to you1 and ,i hope ,god will bless this and every other means to the good of your soul4 ,the most excellent people in the world will be of little avail1 unless his ,spirit assists1 and with this there is nothing so weak or mean1 but what may tend to increase his love in our hearts4 99,for my own part1 silence and solitude seem at present best for me1 and ,i am more hurt by some religious people1 whom ,i converse with1 than by the people of the world4 ,indeed there is scarce any1 who does not in some measure hurt me1 except ,mr4 999999994 ,numberless are the snares that lie in our way to the heavenly kingdom4 ',tis truly a warfare1 and a very difficult one1 but the crown that awaits us at the end1 is well worth the striving for1 even unto blood4 ,besides the encouragements and comforts we find in the way are glorious3 sure ,i am that ,alexander never found such joy in all his conquests1 as the soul that presses after the footsteps of ,christ does in one conquest over self-will4 ,there is more delight in suffering for ,god1 than in reigning with the world4 ,to clasp the cross of ,christ close to the heart is more happiness than angels can give2 and what inexpressible satisfaction is it to a soul1 whose every faculty loves its ,redeemer1 to cry out1 ,give me to feel thine agonies1 ,one drop of thy sad cup afford2 ,i fain with thee would sympathize1 ,and share the sufferings of my ,lord4 8haunts0 replaced with 8haunts her0 per ,errata 99,oh ,god of unspeakable mercy1 unbounded love1 how little is all we can do or suffer for thee6 ,oh that we might not have a thought1 nor even a pulse beat1 but for our ,god6 ,what is all that earth or heaven itself can give in comparison of thee8 ,oh uncreated beauty1 how does every other excellence fade away at thy presence6 ,how does a taste of thy love make every other love insipid6 ,and a ray of thy light darken the brightest of created ,beings6 ,oh when1 when shall our souls be wholly swallowed up in thee6 ,when shall we know thee even also as we are known6 ,thou knowest the desire of our hearts4 ,thou seest how our souls stretch1 and pant after thee1 even to fainting6 ,oh give us to drink of the waters of life1 even in this our pilgrimage1 until we come to drink freely of them from that river1 which proceedeth out of the throne of ,god1 and of the ,lamb for ever and ever4 ,amen1 ,lord ,jesus4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my beloved friend1 ,i ,,have been admiring the goodness of ,god to you1 in ordering your being at ,l99999999 at a time1 when it must1 instead of being hurtful1 be profitable to your soul4 ,the attending the sick bed of a dear relation in danger of death1 is a most glorious time for exercising a number of ,christian graces4 ,such a scene as this keeps the mind in a most proper temper1 humble1 recollected1 serious2 and in your particular circumstances1 this illness of 99999999 has freed you from most of the snares you apprehended4 ,how does every thing work together for good to those who love ,god6 ,and how ungrateful is that heart1 which does not strive more and more to love him in deed and in truth6 ,what1 my love1 are the inward temptations you complain of1 and what are those unaccountable scruples8 ,the best thing you can do is not to argue about them in your own mind1 but immediately fly to prayer2 and if you cannot pray1 only wish earnestly to pray4 99',tis right1 that you should think yourself the vilest creature breathing1 and ,i am every day more and more convinced1 that every soul which really loves ,god must necessarily in its own particular think the same3 and in whatever proportion the love of ,god increases in the soul1 in the same proportion will the sense of its own vileness and helplessness increase1 till at last it is in a manner annihilated before ,god4 ,this is a point which the wisdom of the world cannot understand1 and which no scheme of doctrine can teach the heart2 but when we truly know ,jesus ,christ crucified1 then we can truly cry out1 ,what6 to me such love8 to the vilest and most ungrateful of all creatures8 ,o whence such love to me8 ,i grieve for the sin you fell into4 ,had the temper of your mind been really charitable1 you certainly could not lightly have spoken evil of any one4 ,nothing is more contrary to the true spirit of the gospel1 than this want of universal love4 ,and yet there is nothing so common even among those who in most other respects are unblameable4 ,how ought we every moment to watch6 ,oh when shall we indeed be renewed after the image of ,christ6 ,adieu4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,what1 my dear companion1 can ,i write so animating as your present circumstances8 ,god seems1 ,i think1 in a most peculiar manner to watch over your soul for good4 ,what interesting1 what heart-affecting scenes have you gone through8 ,the account ,i had of your 99999999 death1 has made me see the goodness of ,god to you in the strongest light1 and ,i am ready to shudder1 when ,i think that it is possible1 even after all this1 that you should again be ungrateful4 ,oh watch every moment6 ,think what horrors and agonies you must feel1 if you should now suffer your heart to turn aside from this tender and merciful ,god6 ,the circumstances you are now in are like five talents given to your care4 ,remember you are to gain with them five talents more1 or expect to hear these dreadful words,thou slothful and wicked servant4 ,your heavenly ,father seems to be making a plain way before your face4 ,i see you in a light almost prophetical4 ,i rejoice1 and yet ,i tremble4 ,you seem pointed out1 ,i think1 as an instrument in the hands of ,god for the conversion of ,miss 999999992 but here you will be in danger from your old enemies1 pride1 and love of teaching1 and above all that self-setting-up which you have found so difficult to overcome4 ,o my dear love1 fail not every hour of the day to pray particularly for humility4 ,i trust you are not in danger from any increase of fortune4 ,no surely4 ,the heart of my beloved friend cannot be so mean and low1 as to pride itself in dross and dirt4 ,perhaps you will find some difficulties in regard to the tempers of your 999999992 how necessary will it be for you in this case to place constantly before your eyes the meekness and lowliness of the ,lamb of ,god8 ,and fear not1 you will in all these things be more than conqueror through him1 who has loved you4 8your0 replaced with 8you0 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,pity you1 my dear friend2 ,i saw yesterday that your head was full1 and your heart not so warm towards ,god as it sometimes is4 ,oh when shall we be free from these distractions8 ,or rather when shall our love to our ,redeemer be so intense1 that our hearts may be constantly fixed on him1 and we 7as it were7 walk through the fire without being burnt8 99,i remember having sometimes said to you the beginning of last summer1 8,there is more a vast deal in faith than we all imagine20 and though1 thanks to the free grace of ,god1 we both know more of faith now1 than we did at that time1 yet ,i may still repeat the saying1 and may continue to repeat it1 till our eyes are fully opened in eternity4 8,all things are possible to him that believeth10 said the ,god of truth2 and why then do not you and ,i conquer all sin8 ,because we do not believe4 ,the unbounded riches of the grace of ,god in ,christ ,jesus are hardly more astonishing1 than the perverseness of that soul1 which will not fully trust in them4 ,christ stands ever ready to save to the uttermost1 if we will but believe1 that he can1 and will do it2 and we draw back and shrink from his redeeming hand4 ,we suffer the dark clouds of our fallen nature to obscure the glorious light of the promises of ,god4 ,and though our heads may be fully convinced of their truth1 and we may have some desires of attaining them1 yet there is in the centre of our souls an hidden root of unbelief1 which just as we are going to lay hold on the prize1 whispers8,how can these things be80 and then we sink4 ,i have heard it observed of the eagle1 that she holds her young ones full against the bright beams of the mid day sun3 if they behold it stedfastly1 she nourishes them1 but if they turn away their heads or shut their eyes1 she dashes them to the ground4 ,there is something very striking in this4 ,a nominal believer1 who makes a profession of holiness1 has all the outward marks of a true believer1 as these dastard eagles have of the others2 but he cannot look stedfastly at the glorious beams of the ,sun of ,righteousness3 and how dreadful is the consequence8 ,oh my love1 how ought we to watch and pray6 ,how careful ought we to be not to lose sight for one moment of our immaterial sun1 lest the eye of our minds should by that means contract a dimness and weakness1 which might render us incapable of stedfastly beholding him1 when he shall appear in all the fulness of his glory4 ,may the ,god of mercy preserve you in all temptations1 and be your portion in time and in eternity4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,praise ,god with my whole heart for your happiness and strength1 and ,i pray him to increase it every moment4 ,o may that blessed peace never leave your soul3 it is eternal life begun1 and ten thousands laid in the balance with this peace would be all lighter than vanity4 ,it is a glorious sign1 that in outward troubles1 or inward temptations1 you can leave the means of your deliverance intirely to ,god1 without suffering your imagination to run out after the manner in which you probably may be delivered4 ,o that we could always venture ourselves upon the mercies of our ,god6 ,then would he indeed work wonders for uswonders which we now can scarce believe1 though the ,god of truth himself declares them unto us4 ,and this ,god will surely keep you in the dangers to which you are going to be exposed1 if you will be watchful to keep the eye of your mind constantly turned towards him1 and wait and hang upon him1 as a little child on its fond parent1 drawing all your help1 all your comfort from him1 and him alone4 ,if you have but little outward retirement1 shut more closely the door of your heart1 and there in its inmost recesses commune with your ,god1 and ,redeemer1 there be continually crying unto him,lord thou knowest all things1 thou knowest that ,i love thee2 thou knowest1 ,o life and joy of my soul1 that ,i desire nothing but to do thy perfect will1 and to be conformed to the likeness of thy sufferings1 as well as to the likeness of thy resurrection4 ,oh crucify in me the whole body of sin6 ,give me an humble1 a mortified1 and child-like spirit1 and in thine own good time perfect the work thou hast begun in my soul4 ,as to examples which are not good1 ,i hope ,i may say1 that all the effect they can have upon my beloved friend 7in her present happy state of mind7 will be to drive her nearer to her ,god1 and in that nearness what comfort does the believing soul find8 ,what tho' earth and hell engage ,to shake that soul with fear2 ,calmly it defies the rage ,of persecution near4 ,suffering faith shall brighter grow1 ,as gold when in the furnace tried3 ,only ,jesus will we know1 ,and ,jesus crucified4 ,yes1 my love1 let those who stile themselves our best friends join with the world in calling us mopes and enthusiasts4 ,still stedfastly fixed on the rock which cannot be moved1 we will endure1 nay joyfully take up the reproach for his sake1 who hid not his blessed face from shame and spitting for our sakes1 to make us 7accursed and lost creatures7 heirs of eternal glory4 ,oh that his strength may but accompany us1 and the light of his countenance continually abide with us2 and then we shall not fail to go on conquering and to conquer4 ,amen4 ,for ,god's sake avoid disputes of all kinds4 ,i was delighted the last time you was with me1 to observe that you was greatly altered for the better in this respect4 ,think not that ,i will omit to pray for you1 and fail not to pray for me4 ,oh my friend1 soon will time be swallowed up in eternity4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,readily believe you1 my dear friend1 that you have not brought back the same heart you carried with you3 for ,i thought ,i discovered the two last times ,i saw you1 a falling off from the grace you had1 and the happy state of mind you had been in2 but for ,god's sake strive to recover yourself before you are sunk lower4 ,think how dreadful your case will be1 if you should so grieve the ,spirit of ,god1 as to cause him to depart from you4 ,i know your heart to be ungrateful and deceitful1 and you yourself know full well how much it is so2 but fear not to search into its most hidden corruptions4 ,was it ten times more vile and polluted than it is1 the blood of ,jesus is all-sufficient to cleanse it4 ,and my dear soul1 let me intreat of you earnestly to seek after a clear and constant sense of the pardoning love of ,god4 ,this only can enable you to trample all temptations under your feet3 believe me1 unless you really walk in the light of his countenance1 you never can conquer all the powers and works of darkness4 ,oh seek the peace which passes all understanding4 ,you have need enough of it1 ,i am sure1 considering the many snares you walk in4 ,i really fear you do not diligently seek after ,god3 'tis very certain they that seek shall find2 and therefore that the ,redeemer is not fully manifested in your soul is entirely owing to your sloth and negligence4 ,how is it possible for you to keep your ground against temptations which are continually striking upon your senses1 unless you have in you the substance of things hoped for1 the evidence of things not seen8 ,when our understandings are clear in gospel doctrines1 we are too apt to imagine our hearts are so4 ,my dear friend1 for ,god's sake deceive not yourself4 ,oh suffer not your soul to rest1 till you can say with full assurance of faith1 8,my sins are forgiven40 ,depend upon it this is the first step in true ,christianity4 ,oh cry to ,god every moment from the bottom of your heart1 and he will do more for you1 than you can either ask or think4 ,i am a witness of his free and boundless mercy4 ,for some days past ,i have been in the wilderness1 my soul weary1 faint1 and desolate2 no rejoicing in ,god2 not one ray from the ,sun of ,righteousness3 but this morning1 this blessed morning1 my ,beloved returned to my soul1 and ,i rejoiced with joy unspeakable1 and could say with the fullest assurance1 8,my sins are done away,christ is mine,god the ,father is my reconciled ,father,god the ,holy ,ghost is my comforter and guide40 99,oh my friend1 my heart is now so overwhelmed ,i can scarce write4 ,i could repeat a thousand and a thousand times over,christ is mine4 ,my soul is ready to spring out of its prison1 and ,i could at this moment face death in all its horrible prospects to go to my ,redeemer4 ,oh death1 where is thy sting8 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8 ,my dear love1 you know not what you lose by your negligence4 ,o seek1 strive1 agonize2 could you suffer the utmost tortures in body or mind1 they would be all as nothing to gain one moment of this sweetness3 and ,oh pray for me1 that ,i may not by sinning grieve the blessed ,comforter1 and lose my present peace4 ,god be with you my dear friend4 ,god bless you both now and for ever4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear friend1 ,i ,,mourn for you1 and may you mourn too from your very inmost soul1 till ,god himself gives you the true comfort4 ,oh thou dear backslider1 what shall ,i say8 ,how shall ,i find words strong enough to make a lasting impression on a heart so inconstant1 so slothful1 and careless8 ,oh that the ,spirit of ,god would assist my weak endeavours1 and point my otherwise unavailing words6 ,you own you do not strive earnestly3 alas ,i too plainly see you do not4 ,but the blessed ,comforter strives with you1 and still you resist and grieve him4 ,how irksome is it to me always to write the same thing8 ,my dear soul1 for ,god's sake be more in earnest4 ,how can you talk of sloth and carelessness1 when you are standing on the brink of a precipice8 ,can you promise yourself another day8 ,and are you fit to die in the state you are now in8 ,nay1 are you not afraid to die8 ,oh if the ,lord should say of you1 as of the barren fig-tree1 8,cut it down1 why cumbereth it the ground10 how would you be overwhelmed with dread and confusion8 ,for you who know so well what are the glorious promises of the gospel1 to suffer your thoughts to run upon worldly things is inexcusable4 ,it seems strange1 that you should think you love ,christ more than you did1 when you was in a better state2 however above all things hold fast1 and strive to increase this love1 but then at the same time take care that you hate sin in the same proportion1 and that you strive against it with the utmost earnestness3 for to talk of loving ,christ1 and at the same time to give way to sloth1 carelessness1 and worldly-mindedness1 is an abominable mockery4 ,if you are encompassed with ten thousand temptations never fear1 so your own heart consent not to them4 ,your blessed ,master will surely help you1 if you can but trust him3 and never give way1 to that seeming impossibility of praying4 ,though perhaps you cannot pray with comfort1 or with any kind of connection1 yet if you be ever so distracted you may surely cry1 ,lord1 have mercy upon me,jesus1 pity me4 ,or even supposing you could not do this from your heart1 ask yourself whether you do not desire to pray2 and if you do1 thank ,god for that desire1 and the next thought will be prayer4 ,could you not make the increase of your family profitable1 by joining at stated times of the day in some act of devotion8 ,if it were but for one quarter of an hour at a time1 there would doubtless be a blessing attending it4 ,suppose you were to sing an hymn together1 or by turns pray1 either from some form of prayer1 or what would be better1 extempore4 ,you ought rather to be silent1 and be thought a mope1 than to join in trifling discourse4 ,consider1 my love1 you are to set an example to your young friends2 and fear not but ,god will deliver you from this bondage into the glorious liberty of his children4 ,the feeble trust you now have is the work of his blessed ,spirit1 and he will increase it into an holy confidence4 ,let not therefore your comfort sicken1 but trust in that ,jesus1 who died that you might live2 to whose all-merciful bosom ,i commit you1 ,and am your affectionate ,friend1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,hope your present circumstances do not prevent your constant watching over your own heart1 and pressing forward in the way of holiness4 ,in the midst of all these prospects death may come6 ,and are you fit to die8 ,we cannot too often ask ourselves this question4 ,we cannot be too serious4 ,there is only a moment between us and eternity4 ,may the ,lord ,jesus so prepare us1 that at whatever hour he calls we may be ready1 our lamps trimmed1 and we ourselves as those who wait for the bridegroom4 ,adieu1 my dear4 ,may the ,almighty preserve you from all evil4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,of what service1 my dear love1 can any thing ,i say be of to you8 ,i have tried all means in my power to keep your mind more steady but in vain4 ,if ,god has at any time so blessed my letters1 that they have made any impression on you it has gone off in two or three days3 and when you have had those great benefits indeed of conversing with living ,christians1 though for a time you have been raised and lively1 yet you have soon sunk into your former sloth and carelessness4 ,there must certainly be some hidden corruption in your heart1 which causes this inconstancy4 ,i often study you as ,i would a book1 but you are in truth one of the most puzzling books ,i ever met with4 ,i often rejoice to see in you 7as ,i think7 an increase of grace1 and a decrease of that pride and selfishness1 which under an appearance of humility you once had to a great degree4 ,the last time you was with me1 ,i thought you greatly advanced2 and now you are fallen again into pride and selfishness4 ,the ,lord ,jesus raise you up4 ,indeed1 my dear soul1 you grieve and wound me4 ,you bring sorrow in my heart1 and tears in my eyes3 nay and sometimes your letters tempt me to impatience2 but then ,i immediately recollect my own continual backslidings1 and the long-suffering of ,god towards me1 and can ,i be impatient with my friend8 ,if your want of retirement is not owing to yourself1 never lay your coldness upon that3 for was your heart sincere1 ,god would strengthen you at all times to look up to him4 ,but if as you say1 you trifled away your time1 and indulged an unwillingness to prayer1 no wonder ,god with-held that portion of his grace he would otherwise have given you4 ,depend upon it1 whenever you find an unwillingness to pray1 that of all times is the most proper for you to pray in2 therefore never say on such an occasion1 8,i will go read some good book1 or do some good work1 which may perhaps bring my mind into a better frame for prayer40 ,no1 do not so foolishly2 but go1 and prostrate yourself before ,god with all your unwillingness2 and he will soon give you both the will and the power to praise him4 ,amen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,,it is impossible for me to judge rightly1 till ,i know more of your affair1 and then ,i doubt not1 but ,god1 if we ask in sincerity1 will direct us both to agree in our sentiments1 as to what will be most conducive to your eternal welfare4 ,however thus much ,i can say1 be not unequally yoked with an unbeliever4 ,to marry a man in hopes of making him a ,christian1 will be leading yourself into temptation4 ,the advantages you speak of may doubtless be great blessings to you1 if you are very certain you can enjoy them4 ,you ought to be very explicit with the person1 whoever he is1 both with regard to your sentiments and his own heart4 ,you cannot imagine the continual snares you will walk in1 if you are joined to one1 who is not joined to ,christ2 especially if you have any fondness for him4 ,as in a married state there are more allurements to draw the mind from ,god than in a single one1 so 7if the companion be a ,christian7 there are also advantages in it1 which perhaps may almost make the balance even4 ,but how dreadful will it be1 if he who should be your help1 prove to you an occasion of falling8 ,above all things1 my dear1 try the sincerity of your own heart4 ,examine well whether you can accept this offer with a single eye to the glory of ,god1 and the good of your own soul2 and fear not1 if you ask counsel of ,god in faith nothing wavering1 that he will give you freedom of mind1 either to accept or refuse as will be most profitable for you4 ,i do not wonder that your soul is at present distracted with worldly thoughts4 ,an affair of this kind always occasions a thousand distractions1 especially where it is in suspense4 ,i fear your increase of company does not at all add to your spiritual happiness4 ,the ,lord ,jesus bless you3 ,i pity you4 ,what need have we of continual assistance from above8 ,how do we walk as on burning coals8 ,o let us strive for that state of mind1 in which we can say1 nothing gives me pain but what is contrary to the will of ,god1 and tends to draw my soul from him2 and nothing gives me pleasure1 but as it is agreeable to his will1 and tends to draw my soul nearer to him4 ,amen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,soul1 ,i ,,am glad to write to you once more under the name of 999999991 and ,i hope ,god will give me strength to say all ,i wish at this important juncture4 ,important it is indeed to you2 and the nearer the time approaches1 the more ,i feel for you4 ,alas1 you are now plunging into difficulties1 which you can have no notion of until you experience them4 ,you will have need of more than double watchfulness4 ,oh cry earnestly to ,god for grace and strength to keep your soul from sinking under the delusive arguments1 which your three grand enemies1 the world1 the flesh1 and the devil will be continually attacking you with in your new state of life4 ,you know1 my love1 in all our intercourse1 ,i have not failed to set before you the disadvantages and distractions you must necessarily meet with in a married life4 ,this ,i thought it my duty to do1 though your intentions in regard to marriage were always founded upon ,christian motives4 ,had ,i found you inclined to dedicate yourself more particularly to ,god in a single state1 ,i should doubtless have encouraged that inclination2 but as this was not the case1 and ,i did not dare absolutely to dissuade any one from marrying1 ,i have therefore only strove to guard you against the evils attending that condition1 and pray ,god grant you may find them overbalanced by the good4 ,the first evil1 which people are apt to fall into when they marry1 is an extreme selfishness3 this ,i have seen most flagrant instances of1 but then the people were not ,christians4 ,oh my friend1 remember you have taken upon you the sacred name of ,christian4 ,the next thing which our sex in particular is very subject to1 is a pretty indolence of soul1 and a kind of hugging themselves as though they were become people of vast consequence2 and then all they say or do1 and every thing which belongs to them1 is of importance4 ,you will think perhaps there is no danger of your falling into any thing so low and silly as this2 but do not think so1 for without extreme watchfulness it will steal imperceptibly upon you1 and if you once grow important1 the flood-gates of worldly-mindedness will be set open1 and your faith1 your love1 and peace1 will be borne away by the impetuous torrent4 ,the ,lord ,jesus bless you and keep you1 and grant that in all the changes of this mortal life1 your heart may there be fixed where true joys are to be found4 ,your ever-affectionate 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,know not how to assume to myself the character you mention1 and yet ,i dare not neglect to do any thing1 which you tell me may be of benefit to your soul4 ,i know ,god can convey blessings by the meanest instrument1 and relying wholly on his power and goodness1 ,i enter again into this correspondence4 ,you complain that ,i have not lately been so watchful over you as usual3 ,in writing ,i certainly have not1 and you know the reason2 but as to speaking1 if ,i have there failed1 it is entirely owing to my being so apt to think highly of you4 ,i fear in this ,i may have dealt with you as with my own heartjudged too favourably of both4 ,may ,god give me a clearer insight both into you and into myself4 99,i doubt not but your present condition contributes greatly to your being more in earnest1 and you have need to lay up all the strength you can against what may be a time of trial indeed4 ,i am glad you found such a blessing on ,sunday4 ,i doubt not but the greater degree of light and joy you have1 the more you will be assaulted by temptations1 and these perhaps not only of a strange1 but also of an impertinent and ridiculous kind4 ,the devil will sometimes play the buffoon3 but ,i have found the best way of dealing with these temptations was not to combat them1 but to let them pass through the mind1 as you would let a troublesome croud of people pass by your door without regarding them4 99,the speaking evil of your neighbour before you are aware1 though it has not all the blackness of premeditated evil speaking1 yet it is a sure sign1 that you have not that spirit of love1 without which the highest attainments are but as sounding brass1 and as a tinkling cymbal4 ,i often am sorry to see how much this divine temper is wanting amongst religious people4 ,for my own part1 ,i stand self-condemned in this1 though it is a sin1 which ,i have even a natural aversion to2 and ,i fear there are but few hearts in which this root of bitterness does not grow almost imperceptibly4 ,however1 the ,captain of our salvation can give us to tread even this enemy under our feet4 ,let us therefore go on1 nothing discouraged1 trusting in his help1 and following his steps1 until we apprehend1 that for which we are apprehended of this divine leader4 ,your ever affectionate and faithful1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 99,,mr4 ,v4 has desired me to meet ,dr4 99999999 at his house2 but though ,i honour the character of that worthy man1 yet ,i rather fear1 than desire to do this4 ,i really now dread the being set up as something to be thought well of4 ,i see such a depth of pride and self-love in my own heart1 that ,i dread any thing1 which can give the least food to these hellish tempers4 ,i am well satisfied1 that there can be no perfect peace1 no perfect love1 till these be done away4 ,was not the blessed ,jesus meek and lowly of heart8 ,was not he despised and rejected8 ,and we8 ,oh1 my dear love1 tremble for yourself and for me4 ,we are esteemed1 admired1 and sought after4 ,do we not1 think you1 tread upon burning coals8 ,how dangerous1 how difficult to act for the glory of ,god1 without sacrificing something to self8 ,and this self is all that separates from ,godthis self is all that keeps the blessings both of time and eternity from our souls4 ,oh let us learn1 and know and feel1 that we are nothing1 and that ,god is all in all4 ,certain it is that unless we die with ,christ1 we cannot rise to his life4 ,unless we are crucified with him here1 we cannot reign with him hereafter4 ,let us then nail our corrupt nature to his cross1 and continually mortify every temper that is contrary to his perfect will4 ,suffer we must2 but the love of ,god will make all sufferings sweet1 and his grace will enable us to conquer all difficulties4 ,i rejoice at the victory1 which you tell me has been given you over 7,i suppose7 some reigning sin4 ,is not this encouragement to press forward8 ,if you would preserve constant peace and recollection1 look more into your own heart1 and lay not out yourself too much upon others4 ,i have seen so much of the ill effects of this1 that ,i dread it both for you and myself4 ,watch continually4 ,your ever affectionate1 c4 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,,your letter1 my dear life1 has given me great pleasure4 ,this is indeed1 as it ought to be4 ,and ,oh by no means suffer this anxious desire after ,god1 this thirst after holiness to abate2 only let it be mixed with that kind of resignation1 which implies a willingness to suffer1 so you may be kept from sin4 ,the pain you speak of ,i rejoice in4 ,oh my love1 this is right2 and may you more and more be conformed to ,jesus ,christ1 and him crucified4 ,a soul thus pained1 thus longing1 thus struggling for salvation1 and at the same time lying low at the foot of the cross1 and crying1 8,lord thy will be done10 is an object in which the holy angels rejoice1 nay on which ,god himself looks down well pleased4 ,to such a soul every gospel blessing is near at hand4 ,the ,sun of ,righteousness is on the point of rising in it with healing in his wings2 the eternal ,comforter is ready to witness with it1 that it is born of ,god1 and to fill it with that peace1 which passeth all understanding4 ,the blessed and adorable ,trinity is ready to raise it from its fallen state1 and to perfect the new creation4 ,what encouraging prospects6 ,only let not this happy pain be taken from you by any comfort the world can give1 but hold it dear to your heart1 as light to your eyes1 till ,god himself change it to joy unspeakable4 99,i have long thought that to wish for any thing1 but the salvation of our own souls and that of others is wrong3 because in nothing else can we be sure that our wishes are agreeable to the will of ,god4 ,i do not know how to believe1 that you could wish for more riches2 and if the being pleased with the thoughts of gain proceeded only from this motive1 that you thought ,god was putting it more in your power to relieve the necessities of others1 ,i would not dare to condemn you3 but it is so difficult to take any satisfaction of this kind without some mixture of worldly-mindedness1 that we cannot be too careful in this respect2 nay we ought rather to fear lest we should not be found faithful stewards of the talents put into our hands1 as knowing1 that both in spiritual and temporal blessings1 8,to whom much is given1 of them shall much be required40 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 ,,if it should please ,god to make any thing ,i write of benefit to your soul1 ,i should greatly rejoice1 but without that my words will avail nothing4 ,and really the account you give of yourself at present is so strange1 that ,i know not how to speak to you1 or whether harshness or love is most necessary4 ,this ,i know1 that my own soul is greatly pained for you1 but ,i dare not flatter you1 8,if any man hath not the ,spirit of ,christ1 he is none of his20 and doubtless to take a pleasure in exposing the faults of others is a temper as distant from the ,spirit of ,christ1 as hell is from heaven4 99,believe me1 my dear life1 if the love of ,god reigned in your heart1 you would rather cover than expose the faults even of the vilest of men4 ,and when obliged for their own good1 or the warning of others1 to speak to the disadvantage of any one1 you would do it with fear and caution1 at the same time looking up to ,god1 lest any bitterness should mix1 either with your thoughts or words4 ,god is love1 and infinite streams of love are perpetually flowing from him through all created nature4 ,his acts of judgment as well as mercy are only acts of love1 and designed either to remove or to lessen the evils occasioned by the fall of angels and of man2 and the soul which is born of ,god will as necessarily partake of this divine principle of universal love1 as the child you now carry within you partakes of your corrupt nature4 ,you have great reason then to tremble1 while this temper has any footing in your soul4 ,don't sit down contented1 because you have intervals of recollection1 but wrestle mightily with ,god in fervent prayer1 until he speak peace to your soul1 and his love be shed abroad in your heart1 before which this evil disposition will fly as a mist before the morning sun4 ,you greatly affect me by what you say in regard to the expected hour of danger2 but fear not4 ,no creature on earth can be more unworthy than ,i am2 and the ,god of mercy protected me1 and gave me strength1 and courage1 and calmness2 and ,i doubt not but he will shew the same mercy to you3 nay ,i have a strong confidence he will in your hour of extremity give you a clearer sense of his pardoning love1 than you have yet experienced4 ,fear not1 only believe1 8,all things are possible to him that believeth40 ,it has pleased ,god within these few days to give me a severe trial1 and eternal glory be to his name1 ,i have stood it1 crying only1 ,lord1 thy will be done4 ,my little boy was taken on ,saturday evening with strong convulsions1 and between that time and ,sunday evening1 had ,i believe1 full forty fits4 ,he is now much better4 ,god is ever merciful3 he brings to the borders of the grave1 and raises up again4 ,o how good it is to suffer8 ,how glorious to have grace triumph over nature8 ,how sweet to lay low at the foot of the cross1 and bless ,god for every thing which more conforms us to the suffering ,jesus8 ,be watchful1 and earnest4 ,adieu4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 99,,where the consideration of the prophecies is a means of stirring any one up to greater diligence1 or making them sit looser to the things of this world1 and seek more earnestly after the things of ,god1 they cannot consider them too attentively4 ,every soul should carefully observe that way1 in which ,god particularly leads it1 and punctually follow every means which it finds by experience brings it nearer to ,god4 ,some are awakened and brought low by meditating on the severe judgments of ,god2 others are melted down by reflecting on his mercies4 ,some are employed usefully to themselves1 and it may be to others1 by accurately considering the several amazing dispensations of ,god in the whole scheme of our redemption4 ,others by a more simple and general view of ,god1 as infinite wisdom and infinite love1 rest calmly on his will1 and though in a lower and less shining way1 pursue the same end1 viz4 salvation by the blood of the ,lamb from the power as well as from the guilt of sin1 and union with the pure fountain of all happiness4 ,all these ways are good in themselves1 and are made so to every soul1 which in them follows the leadings of the ,spirit of ,god4 ,but ,i may make that1 which is good in itself1 evil to me1 by using it only because another thinks it right1 and not because ,i find it the means which most unites my soul to ,christ2 and therefore we ought never to blame any one for not being affected by that which affects us4 ',tis very certain that the judgments of ,god are now abroad in the earth1 and that some of the signs of the last times plainly appear2 this 7whether the calculation in the letter be right or wrong7 is obvious to every one1 and calls aloud for seriousness and watchfulness4 ,happy are those who shall stand unmoved in the time of temptation4 ,happy are those who when all nature is agonizing around them can fly to the only rock of refuge1 and there find shelter from the storm1 and shadow from the heat4 ,but above all happy are those1 who shall have the glory of suffering for their ,redeemer1 of sealing their testimony with their blood1 or in the midst of the fire shouting for joy1 and blessing ,god for a martyr's crown4 ,these1 these are glorious prospects1 and weak as we are1 should ,god honour us with a trial like this1 he would also give us strength to be more than conquerors4 ,in the mean time let us not be weary or faint in our minds1 but manfully fight till we obtain complete victory over our evil hearts2 and then shall we stand with humble confidence even before our judge1 and though all nature was dissolved1 we should remain unshaken1 and be wholly swallowed up in joy full of glory4 ,amen1 ,lord ,jesus4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,friend1 99,i ,,thank you for your last letter1 and ,i bless ,god1 that you was not offended at mine4 ,this bearing of plain-dealing is a comfortable proof to me of your sincerity4 ,if temptations increase1 ,god will give a proportionable increase of strength4 ,there wants nothing but faithfulness on your part to the grace already given4 ,i know not the particulars of your sufferings1 but ,i know it is good to suffer4 ,it is a discipline all must go through1 who make any tolerable advance in the school of ,christ4 ,i could wish you to seek more after religion1 than comfort4 ,constant and heart-felt resignation is a bulwark against every trial1 and a foundation for solid peace1 and joy transcendently pure4 ,the whole state of a soul made perfect in love stands in that one petition1 ,thy will be done3 and if we could but preserve that temper which these words describe1 ,i know not what could hurt us4 ,suppose now when ,i first wake in a morning ,i should lift up my heart1 8,lord ,i bless thee for this new day which thou hast given me4 ,in this day ,i shall have fresh manifestations of thy will concerning me1 either in comforts or in sufferings4 ,lord1 ,i am thy creature1 deal with me as it shall please thee3 only leave me not to myself1 but let thy grace be sufficient for me1 and thy strength be made perfect in my weakness40 ,when settled in this frame of mind1 suppose my trials to begin4 ,i am tempted by the perverseness and evil tempers of my own family to impatience1 to anger2 but ,i immediately recollect myself1 8,lord it is thy will ,i should bear this2 pardon their perverseness1 and give me to be thankful for every opportunity of self-denial and forbearance40 ,well6 now another1 and more difficult trial appears4 ,i am to behave to people1 whom ,i know to be my bitter enemies1 whom ,i know to be continually seeking occasions of evil against me1 as if they were my dear friends4 ,here every faculty of the soul is alarmed1 and nature shrinks back affrighted4 ,but what does grace say8 8,lord ,i thank thee for this glorious trial6 ,what a blessing is it ,i should be permitted to drink of the same cup my ,saviour drank of6 ,oh bless these mine enemies2 fill their hearts with thy love2 let thy will be perfected both in them and me40 ,this temptation is conquered1 but another and a more trying one immediately succeeds4 ,i am treated unkindly by people ,i love1 and who are really my friends4 ,here my heart is wounded1 it sinks1 it is ready to faint2 but recovering itself it rests upon ,god1 and says1 8,lord1 even in this1 thy will be done1 and let the sufferings of ,christ be perfected in me1 that ,i may be also a partaker of his glory40 ,in this manner one might instance in all kinds of affliction1 and find comfort and strength in each4 ,i know not how to think so meanly of you1 as to imagine your heart in danger of being drawn away by the world4 ,but ,i know ,i am always apt to set you in too high a light1 and it may be so1 in this case2 this one thing however ,i am sure of1 that we are fighting for eternity1 and this against innumerable enemies1 dangerous ones without1 but far more dangerous ones within4 ,if the ,lord himself was not on our side1 how could we maintain our ground one moment4 ,to his almighty protection ,i commend you and yours1 and am ,your ever-affectionate1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to the ,rev4 ,mr4 999999994 ,dear ,sir1 ,i ,,am much obliged to you for your kind concern on my account4 ,my illness ,i believe is rather troublesome than dangerous1 a disorder in my stomach1 which has been attended with a slight fever4 ,i was ill1 when you and ,mr4 99999999 were to see me though ,i did not complain1 and ,i looked upon it as a particular blessing3 for had my spirits been in their full flow1 an event so much wished1 would have too much elated me3 but my disorder served to keep the balance of my mind even4 ,i see the goodness of ,god to me in every thing1 and therefore sickness or health1 life or death are equally welcome to me1 as coming from the same gracious hand4 ,nature1 its true1 shrinks at suffering1 but grace triumphs in resignation1 and is thankful for the dispensation of the present moment1 without wishing or willing in regard to the future4 ,but ,i hope to learn some lessons of this kind from you next ,sunday4 ,till then farewell1 and may the fulness of every gospel blessing rest upon your soul4 ,your's1 c4 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear ,sir1 ,,the judgments of ,god upon ,lisbon are dreadful indeed4 ,i know not what heart can be hard enough to hear of them without concern4 ,what but the amazing mercy of a long-suffering ,god can prevent ,london from feeling the same dreadful blow6 ,and if ,god should arise to shake terribly our land1 what great reason will those persons have to be thankful1 whom ,god has drawn from all worldly schemes of happiness1 and fixed their hearts on a basis1 which can never be shaken1 though the earth be moved1 and the mountains cast into the midst of the sea8 ,i have been much comforted in respect of the miseries of others by this scripture,when the judgments of ,god are abroad in the earth1 the inhabitants thereof will learn righteousness4 ,if such a blessed end is produced by these severe acts of justice1 have we not reason even in the midst of terror to admire and adore8 ,the whole universe appears to me to be in the hand of ,god1 as a grain of dust in the balance2 and ,i1 a creature more insignificant1 more worthless1 and sinful than can be conceived1 am among the rest in this almighty hand1 and all is safe4 ,my heart is by nature painfully tender1 and yet in the midst of feeling1 either for myself or others1 there is a secret satisfaction in my inmost soul1 that ,god is glorified in every act of his providence1 whether of judgment or mercy2 and ,i hardly know how to form any other prayer than ,thy will be done4 ,i fear ,i shall not see you on ,thursday2but wherever you are1 may the ,god of all consolation be your light and your shield1 and bring you safe to that city1 which has eternal foundations4 ,i am your ever-obliged friend and servant1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 99,,by what you said to ,mr4 99999999 when he had the pleasure of hearing you1 ,i imagine you think my illness is owing to a cause of which ,i am by no means certain2 however the bare probability of such a charge would not be without my immediately reflecting on the dangers and temptations that would attend it4 ,a soul1 that is really desirous of attaining the pure love of ,god1 is exceedingly jealous of any thing that has a possibility of drawing it from its centre of happiness1 and looks upon any event which has this possible tendency 7let the world term it blessing or misfortune7 with a tender1 anxious fear1 which none can understand but those who have felt it4 ,this was my case1 and my imagination would sometimes paint a thousand instances which might draw my soul down to earth4 ,and this fear 7though it never made me wish any thing but what was the will of ,god7 would bring the tears to my eyes1 and cause an uneasiness1 which doubtless proceeded from want of faith4 ,but that ,god whose mercies are renewed every morning1 soon delivered me from those fears1 and calm peace1 perfect resignation and watchfulness succeeded4 ,and for this fortnight past1 though ,i have been in continual uncertainty1 whether ,i should continue in the condition ,i am thought to be in or not1 my mind by the all-sufficient grace of ,god has been so equally kept1 that ,i have not had the least wish or choice of my own1 but have been equally pleased with whatever seemed to be the leadings of ,providence concerning me4 ,and you cannot think1 what a work of annihilation this uncertainty has been the means of carrying on in my soul1 which ,i see plainly in the nature of things could not so well have been effected by any other4 ,i never can be enough thankful for the unspeakable mercies of ,god to so unworthy a creature4 ,my will has been brought into deadness1 which ,i1 even a few months ago1 should have thought almost impossible2 and ,i see1 and have some foretastes of that state which is called the pure and disinterested love of ,god1 in a manner ,i cannot express4 ,i should be very glad to see you when your affairs will permit1 for ,i have not had one help from without since ,i saw you last2 nor have ,i had many of those joys and comforts from within which have sometimes been indulged me4 ,and indeed my animal frame would have been too weak to have borne them1 unless ,god had in a particular manner supported it3 for every faculty of my soul has been weighed down by continual sickness4 ,i have not only been incapable of any outward application1 but also of intense thinking or fervent prayer4 ,but in the midst of this my weakness1 the strength of ,god has more abundantly been made manifest1 that ,i might be abased even to the dust1 and his free grace exalted2 so that ,i well understand what ,st4 ,paul meant1 when he said1 ,therefore will ,i glory in weakness1 in distresses1 that the power of ,christ may rest upon me4,but ,i must finish this already too long letter4 ,farewell6 ,may the dew of heaven continually refresh you6 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #ai1 #agef4 ,dear ,sir1 ,i ,,am much obliged to you for your letter1 from which ,i have learnt a very useful lesson1 viz4 ,never to fancy that the particular circumstances of others would be more advantageous to me than my own4 ,you are ready almost to envy me my many hours of retirement2 when at the same time1 ,i am continually complaining that ,i have so few1 and often crying out1 when shall ,i have a whole day to myself8 ,and then ,i frequently think1 were ,i a man and in the ministry1 my time would then be all spent for ,god2 but now1 what an inundation of trifling flows in upon me1 which 'tis impossible for me to avoid1 without altogether going out of the world4 ,i enter upon the subject1 on which you bid me write with fear and trembling4 ,my abilities are really far from being equal to it3 for although ,i know many ,christians1 who would immediately cry out1 that it needed not one moment's consideration1 ,i dare not do so2 for ,i now really feel the weight of it upon my soul4 99',tis a most alarming truth1 that a minister may speak with the tongue of men and of angels1 and that the power of ,god may so accompany his words as to make them the means of converting thousands2 and yet for want of duly searching into his own heart1 he may suffer it to be overgrown with poisonous weeds1 with tempers and inclinations1 which if unsubdued1 will absolutely shut him out from the kingdom of glory1 to which he is leading others4 ,how easy for a man who is continually setting forth the glorious truths of the gospel1 and inforcing holiness of heart and life1 to imagine 7for want of constant self-examination7 that he himself is what he preaches8 ,this is a most dangerous snare2 and therefore how absolutely necessary is that retirement which affords opportunity for a diligent search into the recesses of the heart1 and gives the soul leisure to wait in awful silence before ,god1 where1 free from every object of sense1 and from the workings of imagination1 it may with all its faculties prostrate before the eternal ,trinity1 and feel itself to be nothing1 and ,god to be all in all8 ,but then it may be asked1 shall not a man who with singleness of heart1 spends and is spent for the service of ,god1 be so kept by divine grace1 that his soul shall suffer no loss by the want of retirement8 ,doubtless4 ,where sincerity and singleness of heart are preserved1 that soul shall be defended as with a shield4 ,but this ,i take to be the grand temptation of every minister of the gospel2 he sets out perhaps 7though this is not always the case7 with a single view to the glory of ,god and the salvation of souls4 ,the power of ,god accompanies his words1 the hearts of the people fall under him4 ,his reputation daily increases1 till at last he becomes popular4 ,he sees himself surrounded by a croud of people1 who for the most part hear him as an angel of ,god1 their thirsty souls gasping after the truths he utters4 ,an innocent and an holy joy fills his heart2 8,here are souls that may be won to ,christ1 and that by me6 ,lord1 what amazing love1 that ,i who am the least of all thy servants should be thus blest60,so far all is well1 all is happy3 but the subtil enemy of mankind so strongly impresses this1 by me1 that a self-complacency1 separate from the glory of ,god1 arises in his heart1 and this1 if not immediately quelled1 leads him to the brink of a precipice4 ,god still1 for the sake of others1 continues his usefulness2 but every conversion which he is the means of making1 is fresh food for his self-love2 and by degrees he becomes so dead to the love of ,god1 that he preaches even the purest doctrines of the gospel1 with the same spirit1 with which a lawyer pleads at the bar4 ,but on the contrary1 that blessed servant of ,christ who stedfastly pursues the narrow path1 who conquers every rising of self-love in its first appearance1 and constantly refers all the good he does or speaks to the author and giver of all good1 he shall be kept in all his ways1 and blest in all his works4 ,and though his soul may pant for retirement1 as thinking he should there enjoy nearer communion with ,god1 and make higher advances in the divine life1 this may not perhaps be immediately permitted him3 but in order that his future crown may be the brighter1 ,god may make his present usefulness a sure sign to him1 that he ought to continue his constant labours for others1 though it should be with much temptation1 fear1 and trembling4 ,however this is very certain1 that ,god to a servant thus sincere1 will point out a plain path1 either by inward leadings which cannot be mistaken1 or outward providences4,adieu6 ,pardon the weakness of this2 let me see you the first time you have to spare1 and believe me ,your ever obliged and affectionate servant1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear ,sir1 ,,whatever the ,spirit of ,god makes useful to my heart1 either from scripture or from spiritual authors1 ,i thankfully receive1 and give him the glory3 but ,i well know there is but one great touch-stone1 by which all doctrines are to be tried2 and therefore ,i hope your kind fears for me1 lest ,i should not enough esteem the written word of ,god1 are needless4 ,i am so far from setting any human writer on a footing with this1 that ,i scarcely read them at all1 i4 e4 in comparison of my bible4 ,i look over some few1 but this is very different from the manner of reading you recommend1 and which ,i strive by the grace of ,god to practise2 nay1 it would be the greatest slavery to me you can conceive1 if ,i were obliged to read many religious books3 however ,i return you the sincerest thanks for your care1 and beg you will in all things watch over me with a 8godly jealousy40,but my dear friend1 could you imagine that ,i enquired after the state of your mind according to the common acceptation of the word8 ,i only desired to know what spiritual blessings you had both from without and within1 that ,i might share them with you4 ,and this ,i was emboldened to do by the sweet account you had given in your former letter1 of the blessings you enjoyed at ,bristol4 ,the ,lord refresh your soul continually with the rich streams of his redeeming love1 and may his everlasting arms be beneath you6 ,i know your present state1 of hanging as it were in suspence between the visible and invisible world1 is a dispensation big with divine love4 ,and was ,i to pray for you that prayer which my soul most loves1 it would be1 8that you should lie in the hand of ,god as an instrument1 without choice1 till the will of ,god was perfected in you40 ,this would be the prayer of pure love and enlightened faith2 but if ,i descended to the tenderness of friendship1 ,i should ask your speedy recovery4 ,if it should be given me to see you again in this world of vanity and woe1 ,i shall be thankful1 and perhaps it may be so3 but ,i know notsomething seems to whisper me that the thread both of your life and mine is nearly spun4 ,for my part1 ,i have within these few days had a sweet call to eternity1 by a sudden and violent disorder in my stomach and bowels 7called according to the fashionable phrase a nervous cholick7 which seems to have set me a good way forwards on my journey4 ,happy pain6 ,kind messenger6 ,o my friend1 ,i have nothing but mercies to tell you of4 ,so supported6 ,such wonderous grace6 ,such boundless love6 ,i all sin and misery3 the ,saviour all tenderness and mercy3 the probable approach of death delightful3 no sting remaining4 ,no clog upon my chariot-wheels4 ,mercies too from without which ,i had never before experienced in a time of sickness4 ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 99999999 praying and singing by my bed1 with such power of faith and love1 such unction from above6 ,does this hurry the spirits8 ,does this endanger8 ,how far from it8 ,i protest not only my soul rejoiced1 but even my body grew better as he prayed4 ,do not fail to thank ,god on my behalf1 and pray for me that ,i may not be ungrateful to such amazing mercy4 ,may the ,lord ,jesus preserve you1 sweeten every pain1 and make you rejoice continually with joy unspeakable and full of glory4 ,your ever-affectionate and obliged friend1 99999999 ,june #g1 #agef4 99 99 99 99 99 ,june #ae1 #agef4 ,dear ,sir1 ,,your very kind letter has pained me extremely1 but ,i hope it has been made a means of humbling my soul before ,god4 ,how little do ,i deserve that you should write to me in this manner8 ,alas you do not know me2 ,i am less than the least of all the mercies of ,god2 do not1 ,i beseech you1 think so highly of me2 it really makes me ashamed of myself4 ,oh that ,i could be lower than the dust6 ,oh that ,i could shrink into nothing at the presence of my ,god6 ,the way too in which you speak of yourself1 puts me in a strange dilemma1 ,i dare not pay religious compliments1 and yet how shall ,i write to you1 as if ,i believed you8 ,how much greater has your cross of sickness been than mine8 ,so long1 so lingering1 such inconveniences as it lays you under4 ,but yet this is certainly no excuse for a soul1 taught of ,god1 as your's is1 to wish its removal4 99,did you indeed wish for any thing but sanctification8 ,surely1 my dear friend1 you wrong yourself2 it cannot be4 ,oh remember the glorious path you have often pointed out to me1 of perfect resignation6 ,i have considered you as a pattern to me1 particularly in this4 ,i must not think that you have any 8reluctance to bear the cross20 it would wound my heart too much4 ,do ,i not know1 that you love ,god above all things8 ,do not ,i know the sincere desires of your soul after holiness8 ,and is there any way in the spiritual life1 which so immediately leads to holiness1 as willing suffering8 ,happy are those to whom ,god gives the grace of doing much for him1 for his cause1 for his people2 but ten times more blessed are they who suffer with ,christ4 ,is there a joy absolutely pure8 ,it is that of suffering4 ,oh did we but know the health1 the peace1 the life that is at the bottom of every bitter cup2 with what alacrity should we drink it8 ,with what thankfulness1 nay1 with tears of joy1 should we cry1 ,lord1 what unbounded mercy1 what astonishing grace is this1 to a worm like me2 that ,i should be led in this most excellent way2 that ,i should be made to tread in those footsteps which are most eminently thine8 ,dearest ,saviour1 sweet is thy cross1 sweet is thy thorny crown2 thy stripes1 thy wounds1 thy pain1 more delightful than beds of roses4 ,let other souls glory in mount ,tabor2 my joy shall be to stay with thee on mount ,calvary1 that ,i may be made conformable to thy death4 ,such would be the language of a soul truly sensible of the great benefit of suffering1 and embracing1 with sweet complacency1 the cross1 which thus united it with its ,redeemer4 ,may this be the language of your soul and mine2 then shall we be found unshaken in the fiery trial1 and come out as gold purified seven times4 ,but after all1 what suffering have ,i had in this illness8 ,it can scarce be called suffering1 when ,god sensibly supports4 ,the suffering is when he leaves the soul 7as it were alone7 in pain or in affliction1 to struggle with the powers of darkness1 which at such a time eagerly beset it4 ,this ,i have sometimes known1 and this is suffering indeed4,i have the same confidence in ,god for my dear ,mr4 999999991 that you have4 ,was ,i to be removed1 ,i doubt not but it would be made a means of good to his soul2 but it seems at present to be the will of ,god that ,i should continue some time longer4 ,my inward weakness is not so great1 and my pain1 though pretty constant1 is so slight1 that it is scarce worth the mentioning4 ,i thank ,god that your health is returning1 and trust we shall meet again on this side the river2 but in the mean time pray earnestly for me4 ,i fear ease more than pain4 ,farewell6 ,may you and ,i constantly join in this prayer1 8,thy will be done in us1 and by us1 in time and in eternity60 ,your ever-obliged and affectionate friend1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,july #a1 #agef4 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,received your letter with much thankfulness1 for ,i began to be very uneasy at not hearing from you in so long a time4 ,and you have for these two days lain with such a weight on my spirit1 that ,i know not how to account for it4 ,i well know the manner in which the praise you bestowed was meant4 ,but you know not how ,i dread self-complacency4 ,and therefore though ,i often find that praise humbles me1 yet it gives me a pain ,i know not how to express4 ,i have indeed often heard you speak those words you mention1 but they never affected me till now4 ,and did you speak them 8in the bitterness of your soul80,call me no more your friend6 ,i am not worthy the name4 ,how often have ,i heard them with unconcern1 looking on them only as words of course1 a kind of common-place humility4 ,will you forgive me8 ,i promise you for the future ,i will pay more attention to every thing you say4 ,i will not1 by the grace of ,god1 be so indolent and so faithless in the things which concern you as ,i have been4 ,i know ,i am apt to think too highly of those ,i love1 and ,i hate to be disturbed in the thought4 ,you cannot imagine how ingenious ,i am in casting these burdens from me3 a latent fear of displeasing1 and a false humility1 furnish me with arguments4 8,why would ,i pretend to speak so and so1 to people so much more advanced in grace than myself80 ,not considering that ,god can work by the weakest and most unworthy4 ,but cannot ,i pray for you8 ,oh my friend1 if ever ,i have been wanting in ardent prayers for you1 ,i hope never to be so again4 ,that communion of spirit which ,i have with you in the life of ,christ1 shall ,i trust add wings to my prayers on your behalf1 and gain new degrees of strength to my own soul4 99,your last letter is a comfortable earnest to me1 that ,i shall at least have one companion in the way which ,god has sent me to walk in1 the way of the cross1 the inward crucifixion1 as you so justly call it2 7thanks be to ,god for this refreshment to my spirit67 ,many speak of this1 and because ,st4 ,paul mentions the being crucified with ,christ1 they preach about and about it2 but ,i see plainly that you not only speak but feel4,and do you know so much of the bitterness of the creature8 ,the ,lord be praised6 ,may you daily know it more and more6 ,i am sure this experience will only make the hidden manna the sweeter4 ,and ,i am equally sure1 that those bitter draughts are absolutely necessary to every soul that would wholly give itself up to ,god4 ',tis easy to talk of the will being perfectly resigned1 swallowed up in the will of ,god1 c4 ,and while this only floats as a notion in the brain1 no great sufferings will attend it4 ,but when the soul really feels what this implies1 that it is a being cut off from the creature1 then it knows indeed what it is to suffer2 then it fights as it were in the midst of the fire4 ,every thought must be brought into obedience to ,christ2 and ,god effects this in the soul as it is able to bear it3 first one trial comes1 then another4 ,one strikes at love of the creature1 another at self-love1 a third at spiritual pride4 ,and the fight continues till ,christ has brought down all his enemies1 and led captivity captive4 ,and to attain this state of glorious liberty1 who would not rejoice to suffer8 ,what a coward must he be1 who would fly from a field of battle1 where to die is to conquer8 ,oh what blessed encouragements has a ,christian to fight manfully6 ,let us not be weary or faint in our minds4 ,we have not yet resisted unto blood1 striving against sin2 but let us not fail to do it4 ,have we not a captain who treads all the powers of death and hell under his feet8 ,is he not ,jehovah1 mighty to save8 ,and has he not promised that he will save even to the uttermost8 ,the way we have to travel is indeed long1 and there are lions in it4 ,but what of that6 ,jesus the deliverer is with us1 and nothing shall hurt us4 ,through ,jesus we can all things do1 all things suffer1 all things conquer1 and what would we more8 ,farewel6 ,may the peace of ,god be with you1 and make your soul to rest on him4 ,your ever obliged and affectionate ,friend and ,servant1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,to ,miss 999999994 ,wednesday ,night1 ,february #ac1 #aged4 ,a ,,cold has been the means of preventing me from spending the evening in the trifling manner which you1 my dear friend1 have been forced to do2 though ,i cannot but hope that your mind1 in the midst of all this noise and nonsense1 has been enabled to keep itself in a state of recollection2 and that you are still more fully convinced that all1 the world calls pleasure and gaiety1 is mere vanity and vexation of spirit4,i thank you for your letter2 it has given me great satisfaction1 and fresh cause to praise ,god on your account3 ,i rejoice in your joy1 and may our gracious and kind ,redeemer increase and establish your joy and peace in believing6 ,you have indeed the utmost reason to be thankful1 that such a work of mercy has been begun in your soul2 and fear not but that blessed spirit who has convinced you of sin1 and led you to look to the only means of deliverance1 will perfect the work he has begun6 ,what a happy sign1 that you can already lay hold on1 and apply the promises to yourself8 ,o continue instant in prayer1 for still greater degrees of faith2 and shun as you would the most deadly poison1 every action1 word1 and thought1 which is contrary to the ,spirit of ,god6 ,and always reflect with the most thankful heart on the love of ,christ to your soul4 ,think that our merciful ,saviour is more ready to hear than we to pray4 ,think with what joy the father received the returning prodigal1 and be assured that you and ,i1 and every returning sinner1 will be received with the same joy1 cloathed with the same glorious robes1 and admitted to sit down at the same feast1 even the marriage-supper of the ,lamb6 ,i am1 with the utmost tenderness1 ,your ever-affectionate and faithful ,friend1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,wednesday ,night1 ,march #bj1 #aged4 99,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,am rejoiced1 and bless ,god that your mind was in so happy a state1 while your body was in the midst of folly and confusion4 ,you observe very justly1 that those diversions are absolutely unfit for one who is seeking salvation4 ,nothing indeed can be more contrary to the spirit of the gospel1 than what the world calls polite amusements4 ,what can be more absurd than for one who desires to be a ,christian1 who desires the mind which was in ,christ1 who desires that justification by faith1 which alone can produce in the heart true humility and meekness1 deadness to the world1 constant resignation to ,god1 and fervent desire to do his will3 than for such a person 7in all the extravagance and glare of dress7 to be swimming or skipping about a room1 and wishing to draw the attention and admiration of the most vile and profligate part of the human species8 ,what absurdity for such a person as this to sit in that house1 which is as much devoted to the devil as the church is to ,god1 for three hours together1 to hear obscenities1 at which a virtuous ,heathen would have blushed8,if you ask twenty of the people who do these things1 whether they are ,christians1 nineteen of them will answer1 they are ,christians to be sure6 ,what do you think of them8 ,or if they are not now quite so good as they ought to be1 they hope to be better by and by6 ,but can a soul which truly seeks after salvation do these things8 ,no certainly4 ,and when the ,spirit of ,god has wrought in a soul this hatred of the vanities it used to delight in1 it has reason to rejoice indeed4 ,what greater mark of the love of ,god to us1 than his having thus drawn us to delight in himself8 ,if we love a friend1 we desire and strive that this friend may return our love1 and joy and delight in us3 and1 amazing condescension6 will the ,creator of all things visible and invisible1 the ,god who called angels and archangels into being1 thus deal with us poor sinful worms8 ,what heart can withstand such love8 ,what heart but must at this thought sink into the dust1 and lose itself in wonder1 joy1 and adoration8 ,i have time for no more4 ,adieu4 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,,blessed are they that mourn1 for they shall be comforted6 ,blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness1 for they shall be filled4 ,these are the words of the ,god of truth3 and can you then1 my dear friend1 be discouraged because you are now mourning after this ,god1 who only hides himself from you1 that you may more earnestly seek him8,heaviness may endure for a night1 but joy cometh in the morning4 ,there certainly is no heaviness like this heaviness3 when a soul has been sensible 7though in the least degree7 of the influences of the sun of righteousness1 and finds his all-cheering beams withdrawn1 how painful1 how heavy is the darkness6 ,this is indeed darkness that may be felt3 but when the joy returns1 what peace6 ,what happiness6 ,look1 my dear1 on the material sun1 observe how all the creation around you is brightened and gladdened when he shines2 and be assured1 that on your earnest seeking after ,christ1 he will in like manner shine again on your soul1 and make it glad with the light of his countenance4 ,your ever affectionate 99999999 ,wednesday ,night1 ,april #aged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,july #ai1 #aged4 ,i ,,am very glad1 my dear1 that your mind is in so happy a state1 and that you seem to have so true a sense of the littleness of all the world calls great and desirable4 ,the love of ,god1 and the love of the world are directly opposite to each other4 ,and therefore ,st4 ,john says1 ,if any man love the world1 the love of the ,father is not in him3 this is a sure rule to try ourselves by4 ,we may talk well1 and act well in some outward things2 nay1 perhaps be zealous for the genuine doctrines of the gospel3 ,yet all this while1 if the love of the world remains in our hearts1 we may be very certain we are no ,christians4,i fear you have not much opportunity of being alone1 but see from your letter you make good use of that you have4 ,however ,god is both able and willing to preserve 7either alone or in company7 the soul which constantly looks towards him4 ,i was afraid your being at 99999999 might hurt you1 but thank ,god1 ,i had no cause for fear4 ,you seem ,i think rather to advance than go back4 ,give ,god the glory6 ,for whatever of good is in you1 is all from his free and boundless mercy4 ,and cease not constantly to fight1 in the strength of your ,redeemer1 against every sin1 and fear not but he will set you free1 take off the heavy burden you complain of1 and cloath you with his perfect righteousness4 ,adieu4 99 99 99 99 99 99,,you tell me1 my dear1 that your present dark state of mind is owing to your thoughts dwelling so much on worldly objects4 ,but carry your sincerity yet a little further1 and tell me if it is not some one particular object on which your thoughts are fixed1 and which rivals your ,creator in your heart8 ,i much fear this is the case3 and if so1 you will find it very difficult to conquer1 but let not any difficulty discourage you from striving to 8pluck out this right eye1 and cast it from you40 ,the grace of ,god is sufficient for you1 his strength is made perfect in your weakness4 ,and you may depend upon it1 that as soon as ever you have given up your idol1 the sun of righteousness will again arise in your soul with healing in his wings2 the ,god of mercy will again be known by you1 as your reconciled ,father in ,christ2 and the blessed ,spirit will lead1 and guide1 and fill you with that peace which passes all understanding2 and you will walk in all the ordinances of the ,lord rejoicing4 ,i am your ever affectionate and faithful friend1 99999999 ,tuesday ,morning1 ,august #ab1 #aged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear friend1 ,,your last letter gave me great pleasure3 ,i sincerely rejoice in the happiness of your soul1 as in that of my own1 and ,i hope ,god will strengthen you more and more by his grace1 so that you may forsake every thing for him4 ,above all1 sacrifice your own will3 let this constantly be the language of your heart1 8,lord1 not my will1 but thine be done40 ,strive not only to be content1 but to rejoice in every thing that mortifies your corrupt nature4 ,hourly reflect1 that you are a fallen creature1 sent into this world for no other end than to be restored to that nature which our first father lost1 and so be made fit for the kingdom of heaven4 ,remember1 that ,christ died for you1 that you might live wholly to him2 and the more you do this1 the more you will certainly have of that peace which passeth all understanding4 ,i am your ever affectionate friend1 99999999 ,september #af1 #agee4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear friend1 ,i ,,have read ,mr4 ,b4's letter1 and think it exceedingly pretty2 the stile is easy and flowing1 the language soft and affecting1 the sentiments he expresses1 in regard to his friend and yourself1 very beautiful4 ,but what is all this to the purpose8 ,or how can this convince you1 that you ought to give up those means of grace which you have found so extremely beneficial to your soul1 in order to make a proper wife for ,mr4 ,c48 ',tis true1 there are several assertions in ,mr4 ,b4's letter1 designed to shew the reasonableness of your making the promise2 but asserting and proving are two things4 ,whatever has the appearance of argument in this letter may1 ,i imagine1 be reduced to these heads3 #ast4 ,that it is absolutely wrong for any member of the church of ,england to attend the meetings of separatists4 #b;dly4 ,that in the church of ,england1 a soul may find every thing necessary for its attaining the highest degrees of faith and holiness4 #c;dly4 ,that ,mr4 ,w4 is a separatist3 and #dthly4 ,that your having any acquaintance with him1 will hurt ,mr4 ,c4 both in his temporal interest1 and in his character as a minister4,the opinion ,i had conceived of ,mr4 ,b4 was very high1 ,i imagined him actuated by that spirit of universal love1 which is the first and ruling principle of every soul that is born of ,god2 and ,i make no doubt but this is his real character3 however 7in this affair7 he may seem to incline to a partial selfish orthodoxy4 99,could the church of ,england be proved to be the only church of ,christ1 there might be some reason for the cry of schism1 which we hear so much of3 but what is she1 more than one of the most unexceptionable of those many divisions into which the universal church is broken8 ,and therefore a separation from her1 though causeless1 or from mistaken motives1 cannot properly be called making a schism in the church of ,christ4 ,for my part 7but ,i speak it with submission to ,mr4 ,b4's judgment7 ,i apprehend1 that the only real and dangerous schism is the want of that spirit of love1 which makes us rejoice in whatever is good and excellent in people of all denominations1 and ready to believe good even of those who most differ from us in ceremonies and opinion4 ,and why a person of this spirit 7suppose one in communion with the church of ,england7 may not be allowed sometimes to hear a minister among the ,presbyterians1 or any other sect1 if they find this minister's preaching blest to their souls1 ,i cannot imagine4 ,what ,st4 ,paul says in regard to giving offence to weak brethren1 is often quoted to prove what it has nothing to do with2 for ,st4 ,paul surely does not mean1 that he neglected those things which were profitable to his soul1 for fear of giving offence to the weak2 but that he refrained from outward things 7such as making difference in meats1 c47 which he1 as strong in faith1 knew to be wholly indifferent1 lest his example should tempt those who were weak to do things by which their consciences might be wounded4,as to ,mr4 ,b4's second argument1 in one sense of it1 ,i heartily agree with him3 the homilies1 the articles1 and liturgy of the church of ,england1 doubtless contain all the doctrines necessary to faith and holiness4 ,but1 alas1 how little are these doctrines regarded either in preaching or practice1 by the generality of her ministers6 ,let any one who has the least degree of seriousness1 look round the churches of ,london4 ,will he not see the people for the most part repeating an excellent set of prayers1 just as a parrot repeats a song2 and the minister giving forth doctrines from the pulpit1 as directly contrary to these prayers as darkness is to light8 ,this is so plain a matter of fact1 that it cannot be contradicted2 and it is as notorious1 that whenever any minister in the church of ,england begins to preach her real doctrines1 and live up to her precepts1 he is immediately called a ,methodist4 ,this name is given to him as a reproach4 ,but as it comes upon him for speaking the truth1 it is in fact a glory4 ,ever since ,christ was upon the earth1 real ,christians have had a nick-name3 but surely no one who is sincerely bent to follow him can regard this3 ,i doubt not but ,mr4 ,b4 himself is called a ,methodist4 ,but ,i now come to ,mr4 ,b4's third argument1 that most dreadful charge laid against ,mr4 ,w4 that he is a separatist4 ,this charge has been repeated over and over again1 but has never yet been clearly proved4 ,if four walls1 with a steeple and bells1 was the church of ,england1 ,mr4 ,w4 might with some shadow of reason be said to have separated from it1 because he seldom preaches in these places3 but this is no fault of his1 for he will gladly preach in any of them1 when their respective ministers will let him4 ,and he was never denied preaching in what is called a church1 till he strongly insisted on that doctrine for which the martyrs of the reformation laid down their lives1 and which is the very fundamental doctrine of the church of ,england1 justification by faith4 ,any one who would read ,mr4 ,w4's ,appeals with a sincere and impartial spirit1 would ,i believe be fully convinced1 that this charge against him could not stand4,as to the hurt your being acquainted with ,mr4 ,w4 might do to ,mr4 ,c4 in his temporal interest1 it depends entirely upon himself4 ,if he preaches to his people smooth things1 and prophesies deceits2 if he joins with them in their innocent amusements1 which lull souls asleep1 and keeps them in an utter ignorance of their fall and their redemption1 till they awake in a miserable eternity3 go you where you will1 not a dog will move its tongue against him1 nor will the generosity of his parishioners be in the least abated towards him2 and all they say of him will only be1 poor man6 what pity that such a good-natured good sort of a man should have such a sad wife4 ,but do ,i think ,mr4 ,c4 will act in this manner8 ,no1 certainly ,i do not4 ,i verily believe1 from what you yourself have said of him1 that he intends to prove himself a true minister of ,christ1 that he will boldly and earnestly call sinners to repentance1 and that his life and conversation will be wholly agreeable to his preaching4 ,and if this is the case1 though you were never to see ,mr4 ,w4 again1 ,mr4 ,c4 would be called a ,methodist1 the greatest part of his parishioners would cry out against him1 and in all probability their generosity towards him would greatly decrease4 ,so that consider the affair in what light you will1 your being acquainted with ,mr4 ,w4 cannot materially hurt ,mr4 ,c4 ,and as to the objection of this acquaintance casting a reproach on your husband's ministry1 'tis quite needless2 for it is not to be supposed1 if ,mr4 ,c4 be the man you can approve of for a husband1 that you will leave his church when he himself preaches1 to go after any other minister whatever4 ,and whatever you may do at this time at proper opportunities1 will ,i doubt not be so guided by ,christian prudence1 that he1 as a good and pious man1 cannot reasonably object to it4 ,but at present you and ,mr4 ,c4 know very little of each other1 and he certainly had no right to propose such terms as these to you1 till he had given you frequent opportunities of judging1 whether his heart and sentiments were such as you could entirely approve of4 ,for my part1 by the little ,i can judge in this affair1 ,i believe him to be a good and a sincere man1 and ,i heartily wish him happy1 and that with you1 if it can be brought about without your doing any thing to wound your conscience4 ,in the mean time1 whether this affair is ever concluded upon or not1 frequent conversing together in the spirit of ,christianity1 may be a blessing to both4 ,and how is it possible for you to give a direct answer to a man1 till you are in some measure acquainted with him1 and can judge of his temper and dispositions8 ,i was quite delighted with the softness and affection for you with which your pappa mentioned this affair to me last night4 ,if you say any thing of my writing to you1 give my respects to him and your mamma1 with love to ,miss ,b4 and believe me ,your faithful1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,to ,mr4 999999994 ,my dear 999999991 ,,join with me in praising the free grace and mercy of ,god1 which has so wonderfully displayed it self in your soul6 ,i don't know whether your letter most astonished or delighted me2 but this ,i am sure of1 that ,i don't know how enough to express my thankfulness to ,god in your behalf4 ,the means so weak too6 ,nothing but a book put into your hands1 which thousands might have read without regarding it4 ,no examples of vital religion1 no one to urge or encourage you to seek redemption6 ,but the ,almighty can indeed work by the weakest means1 and the poorest instruments2 nothing is too hard for the ,lord3 and ,oh may he perfect the work he has begun6,oh gracious and ever-blessed ,redeemer1 continue thy mercy to this brother of my soul2 convince him more and more of the dreadful state he is in by nature1 and the absolute necessity of justification by faith alone6 ,oh justify him freely2 grant him redemption through thy blood1 the forgiveness of sins3 ,fill him with all peace and joy in believing1 and give him to go on in thy strength1 till he arrives at that fulness of faith here1 and in the end to thy eternal glory hereafter1 which thou hast purchased for those who love thee6 ,amen1 ,amen4 ,i rejoice in your desiring to receive the sacrament4 ,the only preparation required of us is repentance1 faith1 and lovelove to ,god and all mankind4 ,i have wrote out a little catalogue of books which ,i make my constant study1 and which ,i hope will be yours2 always remembring1 that the ,bible is to be esteemed by us infinitely beyond any human compositions4 ,other books ,i shall occasionally recommend to you1 as they benefit my own mind1 or are proper for the state of yours4,as to forms of prayer in private1 you have no occasion for them4 ,pray from your own heart4 ,there is no need of elegance of expression1 to make a prayer acceptable to ,god4 ,the desire of the heart is its prayer2 and that once sincerely turned to ,god1 will certainly receive an answer of peace4 ,when you first awake1 strive to fix your mind immediately on ,god3 let the first book you open be the ,new ,testament4 ,there read1 not several chapters1 but just so much as you find will be food sufficient for present meditation4 ,if the first verse you read particularly affects you1 don't read further1 but close the book1 and let that verse have its full effect on your mind4 ,when you fall on your knees before the ,almighty1 recollect the dangers and temptations you are most likely to fall into that day1 and particularly pray to be kept by the grace of ,god in each of them4 ,earnestly pray for power over the sin which most easily besets you4 ,but above all things1 strive in your morning and evening prayers to gain the most lively sense of your own nothingness1 nay to feel that you are even worse than nothing1 that you are by your fallen nature sold under sin1 and deserving nothing at the hand of ,god but eternal punishment4 ,and when your mind is deeply impressed with this consideration1 then look to the ,lamb of ,god1 who taketh away the sins of the world4 ,there see the power by which your fallen nature may be restored3 there see the blood by which you are cleansed from all sin3 there see the full redemption purchased for you1 and strain every faculty of your soul eagerly to lay hold on this redemption3 and be assured that the eternal ,spirit of ,god will assist you in these your prayers4 ,the ,spirit itself1 says ,st4 ,paul1 maketh intercession for us4,in the course of the ensuing day1 and in all occurrences1 strive to keep your heart in a state of prayer1 always ready to be lifted up to ,god2 and this1 even in the hurry of business1 may be done1 and no one be sensible of it except yourself4 ,and be sure1 my dear1 never to omit making use of any opportunity of doing good which falls in your way1 either to the bodies or souls of your fellow creatures4,at night follow the same rule as in the morning2 only examining1 before you beg the protection of ,god for the night1 every action of the past day3 what good you have done1 what left undone1 what faults you have been guilty of1 what mercies you have received1 and accordingly address yourself to the father of mercy4 ,i have time to say no more at present4 ,continue to write to me1 and fail not to pray for ,your ever-affectionate 99999999 ,december #bb1 #agec4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #g1 #aged4 ,i ,,return my dearest 99999999 thanks for his last letter2 the satisfaction which it and the conversation we had together on ,saturday gave me1 is inexpressible4 ,oh may you1 by the assisting grace of ,god1 continue in the happy way you are now in1 and still press forward to higher degrees of faith and love4 ,but1 my dear1 you must not think too highly of me2 ,i am one of the most unworthy objects of the free mercy of ,god4 ,i stand more1 perhaps1 in need of your prayers than you of mine2 you must too pray for me1 and we must both strive to strengthen each other4 ,i should be glad to know whether you1 last night1 notwithstanding the disagreeable manner of the preacher1 received any comfort and satisfaction from what he said3 ,i own ,i did2 his words 7under all these disadvantages7 raised and strengthened me in a remarkable manner4 ,i wish it had been the same with you all2 but your expectations were so highly raised by the name of 999999991 that an angel would hardly have satisfied them3 and thus shall we be always disappointed1 if we look more at man than ,god4 ,the most famous preacher1 let his eloquence1 his manner1 his doctrine1 be ever so near perfection1 can never make the soul taste the words of salvation1 unless the ,spirit of ,god accompanies and inforces his preaching4 ,and the same blessed ,spirit can make the words of the meanest1 the most despicable preacher of the gospel1 effectual to awaken1 to convince1 and to comfort4 ,but in order to our reaping these benefits1 we must hear with singleness of intention2 not seeking to have our outward ears and eyes delighted1 but desiring the sincere milk of the word1 to nourish and strengthen our souls4 ,would it not be the highest madness to throw away the water of life1 because it was brought to us in an earthen vessel8 ,solomon says1 8,to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet40 ,so to the soul which really hungers and thirsts after ,christ1 the sound of the gospel of peace1 7let the voice which proclaims it be harsh or soft7 will be sweet indeed4 ,oh may you and ,i1 my dear 999999991 always find it so to us6 ,may that blessed ,redeemer in whom we have peace1 be dearer to us than light1 than life1 than any thing we can form to our imagination either here or hereafter6 ,in dangers1 in difficulties1 in temptations1 may we still look to him as our defence1 our deliverer1 our strength4 ,he is all in all throughout the oracles of ,god1 both in the ,old and ,new ,testament3 may he be all in all to our souls2 may we walk by his light1 conquer by his strength1 and in the end be joyful partakers of that everlasting felicity which he has prepared for those that love him4 ,this is the constant wish and prayer of1 ,your affectionate 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,saturday the #agth4 ,i ,,received my dearest 99999999's long letter1 and have more and more reason to be thankful to ,god on your account4 ,oh how my soul exults in your happiness1 in your increase in faith1 and love to ,christ6,your conversation with the captain delights me2 no doubt but he rejoiced over youthere you see the true christian spirit4 ,the advice he gave you is excellent3 ,oh may we be both enabled to follow it6 ,those who forsake all for ,christ1 will certainly find all in ,christ4,as to 999999991 ,i would advise you to try first1 to raise in him a desire to receive the sacrament1 before you persuade him to receive it2 and be earnest at the throne of grace on his behalf4 ,all probable means are to be made use of1 but it is the ,spirit of ,god alone can convince of sin4,i have been lately a good deal affected with the death of a lady in this neighbourhood1 who led what is called an innocent life4 ,mr4 99999999 attended her1 and all his endeavours to convince her were in vain3 her answers were1 8,though she had not made such a shew of religion as some others1 yet she had done her duty40 ,this is the most fatal delusion of all2 this blindness is the most dreadful state in which a soul can launch into eternity6 ,can you and ,i be ever enough thankful to that ,god who has opened our eyes1 to see the things which make for our peace8 ,was our whole life to be one continued act of praise1 it would be nothing in comparison to the blessings we have received2 nay1 even the eternity1 which we shall spend in continual praise1 is not enough fully to express all we owe to our redeeming ,god,redemption1 how much is comprehended in this word6 ,and how sweet does it sound to a soul sensible of its wants6 ,may that pathetic prayer my dear 99999999 has made for me be heard2 then shall ,i experience that fulness of redemption for which ,i long6 ,then shall ,i indeed be intirely dead to the world and sin1 and live only to ,christ4 ,all this unspeakable happiness1 ,i as sincerely wish to the brother of my soul as to myself2 ,and am his truly affectionate1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,sunday ,afternoon1 ,march #aj1 #aged4 ,my dear 999999991 ,,last night after you were gone1 ,i read your letter1 and thought of what you had told me with the greatest satisfaction4 ,what reason have you to be thankful1 that ,god should at so early a time of your life convince you of sin1 and give you to know1 that you have redemption through ,christ6 ,how might you have plunged into all the follies and vices of youth1 and laid up a large stock for future and bitter repentance1 had not the free and unbounded grace of ,god displayed its power in your soul6 ,oh continue earnestly to seek still more and more of the fulness of ,christ4 ,think not because you have had a sense of the pardoning love of ,god1 that you are to rest here3 no1 still seek for fresh evidences of his love to your soul2 press forward with unwearied diligence towards the mark of the high calling of ,god in ,christ ,jesus2 seek and strive to gain the abiding witness of the ,spirit2 strive for that perfect renewal of heart by which you may say1 8',tis no more ,i that live1 but ,christ liveth in me40,you tell me you was assaulted1 some days after you had this dear sense of the mercies of ,god in ,christ ,jesus1 with doubts and fears4 ,whenever you are attacked in this manner again1 argue thus with yourself38,this peace and joy which ,i felt1 this sense of forgiveness seemed to me to be the work of ,god upon my soul3 but was it really so8 ,might not a warm imagination deceive me1 or might not the great enemy of souls transform himself into an angel of light1 in order to lull me into a fatal security8 ,but have ,i not an infallible rule to judge by1 whether this work was of ,god8 ,what were the fruits it produced8 ,did ,i upon this grow more careless and remiss8 ,was my mind puffed up with spiritual pride8 ,did ,i allow myself liberties which before ,i was afraid to take8,or did ,i1 on the contrary1 watch still more diligently against the most distant approaches of sin8 ,did ,i find increasing power over sins of the heart1 as well as outward sin8 ,did ,i find in me a still deeper sense of my own nothingness and the all-sufficiency of my ,redeemer1 and a large increase of the love of ,god and all mankind8 ,if these were the happy fruits of this evidence1 ,i have no cause to doubt this work was certainly of ,god40 ,in this manner1 my dear1 if you will examine yourself1 begging the assistance of the blessed ,spirit1 to enable you to search every winding and turning of your heart1 you can never be deceived1 and will always be able by the shield of faith to repel all the fiery darts of the devil4 ,i thank you for your affectionate prayer for me 7may ,god return all those blessings double on your own head7 and am1 ,your ever-affectionate friend1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,did not expect to see my dear 99999999 on ,saturday1 for the weather was so extremely bad1 that ,i thought you would make the best of your way to 999999994 ,i have read your letter with great pleasure1 and hope you will continue thus diligently to examine the state of your own mind3 and that on every examination you will find an increase of that 8treasure which never faileth40,i rejoice that you have been happy enough to suffer reproach for the sake of ,christ1 and more especially for the grace given you to suffer joyfully4 ,you may depend upon it that there is the same real distinction between ,christians and the world now1 that there was when our blessed ,master said1 8,because ye are not of the world1 therefore the world hateth you40 ,and how ought our hearts to exult with praise and thanksgiving1 when we can say we are not of the world6 ,what unspeakable happiness will it be for us to be found 7when our ,redeemer comes to judgment7 among those who were not ashamed of him in this 8adulterous and perverse generation60 ,is any thing too much to suffer1 when animated by the hopes of having these glorious words addressed to us1 8,come ye blessed60 ,i am now with my poor aunt 999999991 who is in great affliction for the loss of poor ,mrs4 ,c4 ,see my dear 999999991 99how little all that is esteemed in this world avails1 when ,god is pleased to lay his hand upon us6 ,here was youth1 beauty1 riches1 friends2 but how1 as in a moment1 was the possessor of all these cut off6 ,and by a dreadful disease1 brought to be the companion of loathsome worms6 ,alas1 how is that sweet smile1 which once sat upon her countenance1 now changed to ghastliness6 ,how are her fine features and delicate complexion now become even horrible to behold6 ,oh that some proud beauty would here stop1 and consider what she herself must one day assuredly be6 ,and ,oh that this thought might strike me still with deeper seriousness1 that she who was my friend and confidant1 even from my earliest youth2 she whom ,i loved with more than a sister's tenderness2 is nowalas1 where is now her precious soul8 ,dearest ,redeemer1 thy grace is all-sufficient1 and thy mercies infinite6 ,is it not now rejoicing with thee8 ,were not all those helps afforded her by thy boundless love1 which1 even to the last1 her ill-judging friends denied her8 ,o had ,i but seen her rejoicing in the love of ,god1 and filled with the prospects of a blessed eternity1 how would my soul have joyed in her departure6 ,how would my heart have dilated itself with the glorious thought1 that my friend was delivered from the gilded snares that surrounded her1 and gone to sure and unbounded happiness6 ,and even now ,i cannot doubt the mercies of my ,god2 surely we shall meet again1 and join in eternal praises to the great author of our salvation6 ,i am1 with all affection1 your faithful friend1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dearest 999999991 ,i ,,am obliged to you for your letter1 though the first side of it frighted me extreamly4 ,i have been so accustomed to see you strong in faith1 and rejoicing in ,god1 that the very mention of weak faith alarmed me4 ,but thanks be to ,god1 who has not suffered you to be tempted above what you were able to bear1 but has with the temptation also made a way for you to escape3 and ,i hope this trial will be a means of making you still more watchful4 ,you have need to watch and pray always1 and more especially at those times1 when your enemies seem to be at peace with you4 ,when we are blessed with the light of ,god's countenance1 and have power over the sin which most easily besets us1 we are very apt to be off our guard2 and by being secure1 we lay ourselves open to danger from that grand tempter1 who is always watching over us for evil4 ,and if we take not care to keep the loving eye of our mind constantly fixed on that ,god who is always watching over us for good1 we must fall4 ,here all our strength lies3 but ,god will not give us this strength1 unless we carefully and continually seek it3 therefore1 now the free grace of ,god has again raised you up1 be doubly careful in every thought1 word1 and action1 and be assured that your merciful ,redeemer will be ever ready to hear you when you call upon him4 ,that his love may daily abound in your heart more and more1 is the sincere prayer of1 ,your affectionate1 99999999 ,july #ab1 #aged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,monday1 ,august #e1 #aged4 ,my dear 999999991 ,,you are indeed a great stranger2 sure you might contrive to call1 though it were but for half an hour4,i am glad you heard ,mr4 999999992 for to hear him and to profit1 to a sincere soul is the same thing4 ,i thank ,god too1 that you are in so happy a state of mind1 and your soul so charmingly alive to ,god2 that you seem so much in love with holiness1 and so eagerly pressing after it in all its branches3 depend upon it1 for every degree of holiness you gain here1 you will also gain a new degree of happiness both here and hereafter4 ,the nearer the soul is to the image of ,christ1 the more it will love him1 and the more it will be loved by him1 and by the ,father through him3 and this love is the highest felicity both of saints and angels4 ,imperfect 7in degree7 as it is here below1 the soul that tastes it1 would not change it for all that earth or heaven could give4 ,and what then must it be above in the kingdom of eternal glory6 ,where the soul1 delivered from this earthly clog1 will have no hindrances or obstructions to the pure love of ,god1 but will be wholly swallowed up in it4 ,your 99999999 gave me an account of your yesterday's conversation3 ,i congratulate you that you can so boldly and judiciously too1 speak for the truth4 ,i pray ,god to increase you in every good word and work1 and am1 ,your ever-affectionate ,friend1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear 999999991 ,i ,,return you many thanks for your letter4 ,just before ,i received it ,i was thinking of you1 and to tell you the truth1 with some fear1 7occasioned by your long absence7 either that you were grown cold to me1 or1 what was infinitely worse1 were grown cold to the ways of ,god4 ,but your letter dispelled all my fears1 and ,i rejoice and give thanks to our heavenly ,father for his great and manifold mercies to your soul6,i wish ,i could have seen you often in your last illness1 but that you know was impossible3 however1 the small time ,i was with you gave me the utmost satisfaction1 and ,i cannot be enough sensible of the goodness of my ,god1 that ,i 7weak and unworthy as ,i am7 should be made an instrument of such increase of comfort to you4 ,had you then died1 you would doubtless now be singing praises to ,god and the ,lamb2 but as you are suffered to continue longer upon earth1 it is to this end1 that you should approve yourself a faithful servant to ,god1 in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation1 that you should shine as a light in the world1 and by spending yourself in the service of ,god here1 increase your capacity of happiness hereafter4 ,god is merciful to you in a peculiar manner4 ,to be kept as you are1 when so much engaged in business1 and with so few opportunities of attending the means of grace1 calls for the utmost gratitude2 therefore let no occasion pass of shewing your love to that ,redeemer1 who has thus saved you from sin and the love of the world4 ,all you can do1 is by far too small a return for such unbounded goodness4 ,your present state of mind is a glorious and happy one indeed2 but suffer not yourself to be off your watch for one moment1 for ,satan is always watching to hurt a soul that is thus happily escaped from his snare4 ,but your certain help lies in ,christ2 keep therefore the eye of the mind fixed upon him1 and you will still go on conquering1 and to conquer4 ,i am1 your ever-affectionate friend1 99999999 ,sunday1 ,december #h1 #aged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear 999999991 ,i ,,am delighted with the rules you have laid down for your conduct3 you must constantly look up to ,god for grace and strength faithfully to practise them4 ,i rejoice in your love to your ,redeemer2 and be assured1 the longer you live1 the more you will be convinced1 that this is your only sure refuge and lasting happiness4 99,in regard to your going so often to 999999991 take the following advice2 shun1 as you would poison1 every thing that you find a means of making you less alive to ,god4 ,life is short4 ,we have a great work to do1 and ,god only knows how few of those hours1 which are ever on the wing1 may be given us to do it in4 ,therefore lose not a moment6 ,remember a ,christian cannot stand still2 he must go either forwards or backwards2 and if you have not made some advances toward heaven since the clock struck last1 you have gone back towards the contrary road4 ,keep this constantly in your mind1 particularly in your visits4,may the peace and love of ,god be ever with you1 and fail not to remember at the throne of grace1 ,your ever-affectionate friend1 99999999 ,november #bg1 #agee4 duplicate word 8of0 removed 99 99 99 99 99 ,to ,miss 999999994 ,sunday ,morning4 ,my dear ,friend1 ,i ,,have just time enough to wish that your soul may this day prosper1 and that ,god may be found by you in all his ordinances4 ,oh that his love may be more and more shed abroad in your heart6 ,and this it certainly will be1 if you walk closely with him1 and suffer not your imagination to lead you from your only true happiness4 ,oh strive continually after a constant recollection1 and communion with ,god4,i know the unprofitable manner in which you will be employed this afternoon2 but this need not hinder your heart from being with your ,saviour2 he will support and comfort you4,take care that you run not into making observations1 either on the persons1 manners1 or dress of your visitors3 four young ladies in a house together1 are in the utmost danger from this sin3 and depend upon it1 it is as contrary to ,christian love as lying or stealing4 ,adieu4 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear friend1 ,i ,,have been thinking1 since ,i saw you1 of all the snares to which you are going to be exposed1 and ,i sincerely pray that ,god may protect you in every danger1 and hold up your goings in his paths4 ,but in order to gain this gracious protection1 you must take the greatest care that you do nothing to grieve his blessed ,spirit1 and cause him to depart from you4 ,and this any sinful compliance will certainly do3 therefore when you are desired to do any thing unbecoming a christian1 fear not 7young as you are7 to bear your testimony for ,god against an evil world4 ,but do it in the spirit of meekness2 and if by this means you draw upon yourself the appellations of whimsical1 obstinate1 and ridiculous1 look upon the reproach as matter of rejoicing1 and as adding a greater lustre to the crown you will hereafter receive4 ,there is one temptation1 which at your age is peculiarly dangerous1 and that is a desire of being thought handsome4 ,you must be ever on your watch against this2 for it will raise a thousand tempers in your soul1 as contrary to the mind which was in ,christ as darkness is to light4 ,there is nothing which is a greater counter-poise to this desire1 than bringing the mind to be contented1 nay even to rejoice that another should outshine us4 ,let ,miss ,f be the means by which you acquire a conquest over this first born of female pride3 set yourself every day to take delight in her beauty2 to wish for its embellishment1 and to be most pleased when she appears to the greatest advantage4,if when you read this you colour1 and cry1 8,dear6 what can she mean8 this is vastly odd60depend upon it there is something in your heart which makes the advice ,i have given highly necessary2 and fail not1 as you prize your peace of mind and increase of grace1 to put it in practice4 ,we should enjoy much more of the light of ,god's countenance1 and of that peace which passeth all understanding1 if we would attend to1 and watch against1 those occasions of falling1 which from their commonness we are apt to call little4,a soul is often cast into heaviness for hours1 by an unguarded word4,you will not1 my love1 be angry with me that ,i deal thus freely with you3 ,i watch over your soul in tender love2 and though sensible of my own unworthiness1 either to advise or persuade2 though sensible of my own great and manifold sins and imperfections1 ,i cannot desist from guarding you against all that may hinder your being made perfect in the love of ,god4 ,i am1 ,your ever-affectionate1 99999999 ,november #cj1 #aged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ,,thank you1 my love1 for writing to me1 and rejoice that you are happy3 ,god never fails to hear those that call upon him1 and is gracious above all that we can either ask or think4 ,as to my illness1 it is extremely troublesome1 but ,i believe not dangerous3 and ,i must continue to bear it for a good while longer1 without attempting to remove it1 because my apothecary himself knows not what to make of it3 99however1 ,i am just as ,i ought to be2 ,i delight to do and to suffer the will of ,god1 and his mercies are sweet to my soul4 ,i am in that happy state of resignation1 that ,i have not a wish1 but for an increase of grace and holiness4 ,sunday my soul longed after the sacrament1 and the tears came in my eyes1 because ,i could not go to church4 ,but are the flowing streams of redeeming love confined to place or time8 ,i found indeed they were not2 for my soul was at home sweetly replenished with every blessing ,i could have hoped for at the altar4 ,how much are those to be pitied who know not the love of ,god6 ,how much are those to be pitied who set their hearts on any thing in this infant-state of existence6 ,how poor1 how low1 how trifling is every thing1 that does not look towards eternity6 ,i have such an experimental sense of the nothingness of all worldly things1 that they seem no more to me than dancing puppets2 and ,i am sometimes ready to affront my brother and ,mr4 999999991 by smiling at the important air with which they talk of their business1 as they call it4,i think there is very little probability that ,i shall be fit to come to the wedding4 ,pray ,god keep your sister's heart in this time of danger and distraction1 and bless you both with the blessings of his children4 99999999 ,january #g1 #agee4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to the ,rev4 ,mr4 999999994 ,reverend ,sir1 ,,your character for candour and piety takes from me all fear that you should be offended at the address of a person unknown1 even though this address is designed to point out something amiss in you2 which it is absolutely necessary 7for the good of your own soul1 and for the eternal welfare of those who hear you7 that you should amend4,you believe6,you feel the power1 and live the life of faith6,oh why will you not strive that others may be partakers of like happiness with you8,i know your general manner of preaching3 ,i myself have heard you2 and while my ear has been delighted with your affecting delivery1 your elegant language1 and well-turned periods1 my heart has bled to think that such talents should be so miserably perverted3 bled for you1 and for those poor souls1 whom this way of preaching lulls into a fatal security4 ,pardon my freedom of speech2 pardon my boldness towards you2 but you yourself will acknowledge1 that where the foundation is unsound1 the building must fall2 and no true foundation can be laid except ,jesus ,christ4 ,your own experience must tell you1 that a divine power can alone change the heart2 that all outward regularity of behaviour1 all rounds and forms of devotion1 and all moral duties1 without this change are1 utterly unavailing1 and only like beautifying the outside of a sepulchre1 which within is full of dead mens bones and of all uncleanness4 ,you are sensible too1 that faith in a dying ,redeemer is the only means given us by which this change of heart can be effected4 ,to what purpose then is it to tell poor1 lost1 undone man1 of the dignity of his rational nature1 and the beauty of virtue8,dear sir1 for the sake of that ,god whom you love and adore1 away with these shadows1 and substitute in their place realities4 ,how would it delight the heart of several of your friends 7who greatly love and esteem you1 and who wish well to the gospel of ,christ7 to see you1 with all the force of eloquence1 labouring to convince your hearers of the sin of their nature1 their condemnation in the sight of ,god1 and their utter incapacity to help themselves2 and then proclaiming to them1 8,behold the ,lamb of ,god1 who taketh away the sins of the world60 ,i am sensible of the difficulties you will have to encounter1 in thus changing your manner of preaching3 but though the battle be hard to fight1 great will be the glory of the victory4 ',tis true1 your enemies are strong and powerful2 the devil1 the world1 all the wicked1 and all the self righteous will be joined together against you3 but look up with an eye of faith1 and see how many more are for you4 ,think of the holy angels rejoicing over every sinner converted by your means2 think that the ,captain of your salvation1 your ,god and ,redeemer1 will be ever near to help1 to strengthen and comfort you6 ,and consider what unutterable joy your soul will feel1 when at that period of time which is the most delightful to the true ,christian1 you can with firm confidence cry out with ,st4 ,paul1 8,i have fought a good fight1 ,i have finished my course1 ,i have kept the faith2 henceforth is laid up for me a crown of righteousness40 ,i am1 7though your unknown and unworthy7 ,your truly affectionate friend4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to ,mr4 ,g999999994 ,i ,,am much obliged to you for your letter to me2 and if it will increase your joy to know that ,i love my ,saviour more than health1 or light1 or life1 be assured that ,i do2 and that ,i should think myself the most ungrateful and vile of all creatures if ,i did not4 ,it is my constant and earnest desire every day1 nay every hour1 to increase in the knowledge and love of ,god1 and to be saved not only from the guilt1 but also from the power of sin4 ,i know that the grace of ,god through ,christ is sufficient for me2 ,i know that the blood of ,christ cleanseth from all sin2 and ,i know 7blessed be ,god for giving me that knowledge7 that ,i have redemption through his blood1 even the forgiveness of my sins4 ,think now1 what a wretch ,i should be1 if ,i did not love this ,redeemer1 and if ,i did not wish above all things to be conformed to his image8,and in consequence of my thus loving ,god because he first loved me1 ,i love every creature which ,god has made1 and every soul of man1 without any regard had to sects1 names1 or parties4 ,the ,moravian church1 though ,i am certain at this time it is over-run with dreadful errors1 ,i love1 pity1 and pray for4 ,oh may the ,god of love and unbounded mercy1 convince and restore it6,i thank you for the glorious advice you give me1 of 8living very near the cross30 there is life indeed6 ,life freely given1 to every soul that seeks it4 ,and that you and ,i may ever partake of this life1 is the hearty wish of1 your 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,to the ,rev4 ,mr4 999999994 ,november #cj1 #agee4 ,dear ,sir1 ,i ,,am much obliged to you for your apostolical letter1 and for the truly christian joy you express for my baby's happiness4 ,that ,i have felt all that the greatest sensibility of temper is capable of feeling on such an occasion1 is certain3 but here has been my great comfort1 that1 in every thing which concerned the child1 ,i have had neither will nor wish of my own4 ,he was peculiarly dedicated to ,god1 even before he was born3 and since1 he has been daily1 nay almost hourly offered up2 and that not in word only1 but in truth3 and as it has pleased ,god to accept him as a sacrifice1 rather than as a servant1 ,i have nothing to say1 but 8thy will be done60 ,if ,i could have seen you1 or any of my ,christian friends at this time1 when all the finest springs of human nature were on the rack1 it would have been a great satisfaction2 but it pleased ,god to with-hold all creature comfort from me2 and though his own arm sustained me1 it was in a manner not sensibly perceived by my soul3 99so that ,i had the great blessing of bearing something of the cross4 ,and this ,i look upon to be a particular blessing to me1 because ,i have been so wholly led by love1 that before this1 ,i knew but very little of what it was to suffer the will of ,god4 ,in short1 every dispensation of my heavenly ,father towards me1 is nothing but mercy and unbounded goodness4 ,i see and ,i adore4,the ,lord ,jesus bless and preserve you in body1 soul1 and spirit4 ,fail not to pray for1 ,your obliged and affectionate1 99999999 99 99 99 99 99 ,monday1 ,december #bb1 #agee4 ,dear ,sir1 ,i ,,see with delight1 that you are set up as a mark1 for every one of the devil's tools to shoot at3 and he certainly wounds the deepest by those1 who1 while they are working for him1 imagine they are doing ,god service1 and acting with ,christian prudence4 ,how often is that wisdom which comes from beneath1 taken for that which comes from above6 ,and fear of man1 secret desire of preferment1 and being ashamed of the cross of ,christ1 dignified with the title of true discretion1 and caution not to give offence6',tis hard1 indeed1 to be wounded in the house of your friends2 nothing1 perhaps1 is more painful to nature2 but if they have called the master of the house ,beelzebub1 how much more those of his houshold6,those servants of ,christ who are designed by him for eminent usefulness1 must of necessity have the largest share of tribulation2 for the highest place of honour under our king1 is that of the sharpest sufferings4 ,i should not wonder if the tongues and pens of all your brethren 7except two or three7 were employed against you2 and ,i am so far from being sorry 7on your account7 for ,mr4 ,l4's preaching against you1 that ,i look upon it as a precious and blessed mark1 and a seal to the truth of your ministry4,happy parting1 indeed1 with the world6 ,and happy parting with every comfort in it1 if nearer union with ,god is the consequence6 ,oh cease not to pray for me1 that all things may thus work together for my good6,this poor dream of life will soon be at an end2 and then1 if those who have only given a cup of cold water for the sake of ,christ1 shall not lose their reward1 what an exceeding and eternal weight of glory attends those happy souls who constantly labour1 and patiently suffer for him6 ,i am1 your obliged and faithful ,friend and ,servant1 99999999 ,the ,end of the ,,thirteenth ,,volume4 ,,errata1 ,volume ,,xiii4 ,page #e1 line ultima1 replace whence ,page #ae1 line #bj1 replace frequently ,page #ag1 line #ba1 replace not long before ,page #bd1 line #c1 delete of ,page #bh1 line #c1 replace serving ,page #bh1 line #ag1 replace of sin ,page #cb1 line #aj1 replace more hurt ,page #cb1 line #aa1 replace and to ,page #ci1 line #b1 replace task ,page #ed1 line #bd1 replace where ,page #aad1 line ultima1 replace thankfulness ,page #abj1 line #aa1 replace as when ,page #abj1 line #bd1 replace be better ,page #adh1 line #ae1 replace ,i did ,page #bjb1 line #ae1 replace one ,page #bai1 line #d1 replace they ,page #bbe1 line #c1 replace that ,page #bdc1 line #aj1 replace they ,page #bfi1 line #aj1 replace haunts her