,the ,works of the ,rev4 ,john ,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,punctuation has been standardized4 ,most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for easier reading4 ,the author has used an asterisk 7997 to indicate passages he considers most worthy of attention4 ,the text is very inconsistent in its usage of quotation marks4 ,the transcriber has attempted to make their use consistent throughout this work for improved readability4 ,characters in small caps have been replaced by all caps4 ,non-printable characteristics have been given the following ,italic text3 -- text emphasized text within italics -- text ,this book was written in a period when many words had not become standardized in their spelling4 ,words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in the text4 ,these have been left unchanged unless indicated with a ,transcriber's ,note4 ,footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,transcriber's ,notes are used when making corrections to the text or to provide additional information for the modern reader4 ,these notes are identified by symbols in the text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,,the ,,works ,,of ,,the ,rev4 ,,john ,,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,late ,fellow of ,lincoln-,college1 ,,oxford4 ,,volume ,,xi4 ,,bristol3 ,printed by ,,william ,,pine1 in ,wine-,street4 ,,mdcclxxii4 ,,the ,,contents ,of the ,,eleventh ,,volume4 ,an ,extract of the life and death of ,mr4 ,thomas ,haliburton4 ,,part ,,iv4 8,,iii40 replaced with 8,,iv40 ,chapter ,,iv4 ,of his death4 ,an extract of the life of ,monsieur de ,renty4 ,chapter ,i4 ,of his marriage1 birth1 and general way of life4 ,chapter ,,ii4 ,his humility4 ,chapter ,,iii4 ,his self-denial and mortification4 ,chapter ,,iv4 ,his patience4 ,chapter ,v4 ,his faith4 ,chapter ,,vi4 ,his hope4 ,chapter ,,vii4 ,his love of ,god4 ,chapter ,,viii4 ,section ,i4 ,his love of man in general4 ,section ,,ii4 ,his charity to the poor4 ,section ,,iii4 ,his charity to the sick4 ,section ,,iv4 ,his zeal for the salvation of his neighbour4 8,,vi40 replaced with 8,,iv40 ,chapter ,,ix4 ,his outward behaviour and conduct of business4 ,chapter ,x4 ,his death4 ,an extract from the life and death of ,thomas ,walsh4 ,the introduction4 ,chapter ,i4 ,of his birth and education4 ,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his religion1 and the struggle which he found between nature and grace1 till the sixteenth year of his age4 ,chapter ,,iii4 ,giving a farther account of him2 the corruptions he struggled against1 and the means he made use of to subdue them4 ,chapter ,,iv4 ,of his forsaking the church of ,rome4 ,chapter ,v4 ,some further account of his progress in the way of life1 with other reasons of his conduct1 in regard of the church of ,rome4 ,chapter ,,vi4 ,of some particulars previous to his ,conversion4 ,chapter ,,vii4 ,giving a farther account of his soul particularly of his deep convictions4 ,chapter ,,viii4 ,of his finding rest to his soul4 ,chapter ,,ix4 ,of the confirmation of his soul in the grace of ,god1 and the happy effects which it produced in him4 ,chapter ,x4 ,his employment among his ,christian brethren1 and the treatment he met with from the world4 ,chapter ,,xi4 ,his providential appointment to labour for the good of his neighbour1 by preaching the gospel4 ,chapter ,,xii4 ,he begins to preach4 ,,part ,,ii4 ,chapter ,i4 ,of his entire application to preaching the gospel4 ,chapter ,,ii4 ,he goes into the provinces of ,leinster and ,connought1 and preaches the word there4 ,chapter ,,iii4 ,some farther account of the troubles he met with1 on account of preaching the gospel4 ,chapter ,,iv4 ,a short account of the endeavours of the ,romish clergy1 to prevent his usefulness among their people4 8,,vi0 replaced with 8,,iv0 ,chapter ,v4 ,he goes to ,england1 and labours there4 ,chapter ,,vi4 ,his love to souls1 and zeal for promoting the glory of ,god4 ,chapter ,,vii4 ,his application to study1 love to the holy scriptures1 improvement which he made thereof4 ,chapter ,,viii4 ,his manner of preaching4 ,chapter ,,ix4 ,of his frequent sickness1 the exercises of his mind therein1 and the improvement which he made thereof4 ,chapter ,x4 ,of his temptations1 conflicts1 and exercises of soul4 ,chapter ,,xi4 ,his communion with ,god4 ,chapter ,,xii4 ,some farther particulars1 relating to the head of his communion with ,god4 ,,part ,,iii4 ,chapter ,i4 ,an extract from ,mr4 ,thomas ,walsh's diary1 relating chiefly1 to the experience of his own soul1 in his course of walking with ,god4 ,chapter ,,ii4 ,the extract from his diary continued4 ,chapter ,,iii4 ,the same continued4 ,an ,,extract of the ,,life ,,and ,,death ,,of ,mr4 ,,thomas ,,haliburton4 ,,part ,,iv4 8,,iii40 replaced with 8,,iv40 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,of his death4 #a4 ,,on ,wednesday1 ,september #ag1 7and some days preceding7 he was under great trouble of mind2 and a friend asking him that morning1 ,how he had rested in the night8 ,he answered1 8,not well4 ,i have been this night sore tossed with the thoughts of eternity4 ,i have been thinking on the ,terribilia ,dei1 and all that is difficult in death to a ,christian4 ,all my enemies have been round about me4 ,i had a great conflict1 and faith was like to fail4 ,o that ,i may be kept now in this last trial1 from being an offence to his people60 i4 e4 ,the terrible things of ,god4 ,in the afternoon1 when some of his brethren visited him1 he said1 8,i am but young1 and of little experience1 but this death-bed now makes me old2 therefore ,i use the freedom to exhort you to faithfulness in the ,lord's work4 ,you will never repent this4 ,he is a good master4 ,i have always found him so4 ,if ,i had a thousand lives ,i should think all too little to be employed in his service40 #b4 ,thursday1 ,september #ah4 ,being asked in the morning1 ,how he was8 ,he said1 8,o what a terrible conflict had ,i yesterday6 ,but now ,i may say1 ,i have fought the good fight1 ,i have kept the faith4 ,now he hath put a new song in my mouth4 ,praise1 praise is comely for the upright4 ,shortly ,i shall have another sight of ,god than ever ,i had1 and be more fit to praise him than ever4 ,o the thoughts of an incarnate ,god are sweet and ravishing6 ,and1 ,o6 how do ,i wonder at myself1 that ,i do not admire him more6 ,o that ,i could honour him8 ,what a wonder ,i enjoy such composure under these pains1 and in view of approaching death6 ,o1 what a mercy1 that ,i have the use of my reason1 till ,i have declared his goodness to me60 ,to his wife he said1 8,he came to me in the third watch of the night1 walking upon the waters2 and he said to me1 ,i am ,alpha and ,omega1 the beginning and the end3 ,i was dead1 and am alive1 and live for evermore and have the keys of death and hell4 ,he stilled the tempest of my soul1 and there is a sweet calm40 ,when desired to be tender of his health1 he said1 8,i'll strive to last as long as ,i can4 ,i have no more to do with my time1 but to tepe it out for the glory of ,god40 ,then he said1 8,i shall see my ,redeemer stand on the earth at the last day4 ,but before then1 ,i shall see the ,lamb in the midst of the throne4 ,o1 it will be a glorious company1 the spirits of just men made perfect1 and ,jesus the mediator of the new covenant6 ,o1 for grace6 ,grace to be patient to the end60 i4 e4 ,spend it thriftily4 ,then he desired a minister to pray4 ,after prayer1 he called for a little water to wash his eyes1 and said1 8,i hope to get them washed shortly1 and made like doves eyes1 and then farewel sin1 farewel sorrow40 ,then taking some refreshment1 he said1 8,i get sleep from him1 and food from him2 and ,i shall get himself4 ,my flesh and my heart faileth2 but ,god is the strength of my heart1 and my portion for ever40 ,seeing his youngest child1 he said to her 8,mary1 my dear1 the ,lord bless you2 the ,god of your father1 and my father1 bless you2 the ,god that fed me all my life2 the angel that redeemed me from evil1 bless you and the rest1 and be your portion2 that is a good heritage1 better then if ,i had crowns and scepters to leave you4 ,my child1 ,i received you from him1 and ,i give you to him again40 ,to his wife he said1 8,my dear encourage yourself in the ,lord2 he will keep you1 though you even fall into enemies hands40 ,and then1 declaring his willingness to part with his dearest relations1 he said1 8,this is the practice of religion1 to make use of it when we come to the pinch2 this is a lesson of practical divinity40 ,when the physician came1 he said1 8,doctor1 as to this piece of work1 you are near at an end of it4 ,god be with you1 and persuade you to be in earnest2 ,i return you thanks for your diligence4 ,is my pulse low8 ,i am well pleased it is4 ,i would have been content to have been away long e're now2 a few strokes more1 and victory1 victory1 forever1 through the captain of our salvation60 8,now get acquaintance with ,god4 ,the little acquaintance ,i have had with ,god within these two days1 has been better than ten thousand times the pains ,i have been at all my life about religion4 ,it is good to have him to go to1 when we are turning our face to the wall4 ,he is known in ,sion for a sure refuge1 a very present help in trouble40 8,what a strange hardness there is in the hearts of men8 ,but whether they will hear1 or whether they will forbear1 it is our duty to speak2 and when we are dead and gone1 what we spoke in the name of the ,lord1 may take hold of them40 ,to his eldest child he said1 8,ah1 ,margaret1 you seem sometimes to have convictions from ,god4 ,beware of them2 they are the most dangerous things you ever meddled with4 ,each of them is ,god's messenger2 and if you despise the messenger of ,god1 he will be avenged of you40 ,to a minister who came in he said1 8,i am waiting for the salvation of ,god40 ,he answered1 8,if the ,lord would spare you it would be a mercy to this place40 ,he replied1 8,what can a poor wretch signify8 ,i could do nothing3 ,i signify nothing4 ,but1 ,i tell you1 brother1 what ,i have thought of long2 ,i fear1 from the taking off the servants of ,god at this time1 that there is like to be a general overflowing consumption1 running over not only this1 but all the reformed churches40 ,to the apothecary he said1 8,study religion in youth3 when you come to be as ,i am1 you will find no comfort without it4 ,i give you this as a solemn warning from ,god2 if you come to be hardened by the frequent sight of men in my state1 you may come to be hardened for ever40 ,to three ministers he said1 8,my dear brethren1 it is purely from a sincere love to you1 that ,i presume to say1 when ,god helped me to diligence in studying and meditating1 ,i found him then remarkably shining upon me4 ,there is nothing to be had with a slack hand4 ,you are in an evil day4 ,however1 be faithful and ,god will strengthen you for his own work1 if you are faithful therein4 ,you cannot1 it is true1 bring all persons to the ,lord1 but you may make their consciences1 will they1 or nill they1 speak for the ,lord4 8faithul0 replaced with 8faithful0 8,i repent continued he1 ,i did not do more for him2 but ,i have peace in it2 what ,i did1 ,i did in sincerity3 he accepts of the mite4 ,it was the delight of my heart to preach the gospel1 and it made me sometimes neglect a frail body4 ,i desired to decrease1 that the bridegroom might increase1 and to be nothing1 that he might be all4 ,and ,i rejoice in his highness4 998,brethren1 this is encouragement to you to try and go farther4 ,alas6 ,i have gone no length2 but would fain have gone farther3 the hand of the diligent maketh rich4 ,much study1 much prayer1 temptations also1 and distinct deliverances from temptations1 are useful helps1 ,i was fond enough of books2 but ,i must say what ,god let me see of my ill heart1 was of more use than all my books40 ,one said1 8,this is to believe and therefore to speak40 ,he replied1 8,the ,lord help me to honour him4 ,i desire no more4 ,o that ,i had the tongues of men and angels to praise him6 ,i hope shortly1 to get a will to answer my duty1 and ability to answer my will4 ,o to be helped so1 and to fear always6 ,how soon should ,i fall1 if he withdrew6 ,but do not stumble1 ,sirs1 though1 ,i should be shaken4 ,the foundation standeth sure40 ,when advised to be quiet a little1 he said1 8,how should a man bestow his last breath1 but in commending the ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 ,god cloathed in our nature1 dying for our sins60 ,and when again prest to be tender of his body1 he said1 8,o but my heart is full60 ,and then desiring a minister to pray for him1 he said1 8,pray that ,god may have pity on a weak thing1 that is not able to bear much in the conflict60 ,to two other ministers he said1 8,above all scan your own hearts1 and make use of what discoveries you get there1 to enable you to dive into consciences1 to awaken hypocrites1 and to separate the precious from the vile2 and to do it with that accuracy1 and caution1 as not to make sad the hearts which ,god hath made glad60 8,with respect to the difference which this oath is like to make among ministers1 with the greatest earnestness ,i say1 whenever it begins1 remember1 difference is a hot thing2 there must be condescension1 tenderness and forbearance4 ,we must not fly at the ball4 ,whatever apprehensions ,i have1 of some ministers not acting conscientiously1 and preaching in such a way as may do hurt2 yet ,i would speak tenderly1 and act tenderly toward them4 ,let there be much of the forbearance and meekness that is in ,jesus4 ,follow peace3 peace is worth much3 wound not our church among her enemies4 ,the deadly evil which ,i fear will ruin all1 is1 coldness and indifferency4 ,many seem to try1 how far they may go without being lost2 but the ,christian's rule is1 to stand at a distance40 ,to him who had succeeded him in the parish of ,ceres1 he said1 8,that people were my choice1 to whom1 with much peace and pleasure1 ,i preached1 as ,i could1 though not as ,i should1 the gospel of ,christ4 ,though ,i own1 that in all things ,i have sinned exceedingly before the ,lord1 yet ,i have peace1 in that with much concern ,i aimed at leading them to the ,lord ,jesus4 ,tell them1 that ,i die rejoicing in the faith and profession of what ,i often preached to them1 under a low state of body4 ,tell them1 that the gospel ,i preached to them1 if they receive it not1 will be a witness against them4 ,we are1 like our master1 set for the fall and rising again of many4 ,and if we can do no more1 yet if we be faithful1 they shall know1 that a prophet hath been among them40 99,in the night-time he said1 8,this growing weakness of my eyes1 is a sign of a change approaching4 ,if he shut my eyes he will open my eyes3 eyes no more to behold vanity4 ,but ,i shall behold him in righteousness1 and when ,i awake1 ,i shall be satisfied with his likeness60 99,afterwards he said1 8,if this be the last day of my conflict1 ,i would humbly desire of the ,lord1 that he would condescend1 to be tender to one that loves his appearing3 that as he has dealt wonderfully with me hitherto1 so he may deal tenderly with me even to the end1 in loosing the pins of my tabernacle1 and helping me to honour him by a composed resignation of myself into his hands40 ,when one said1 8,sir1 ,i think you have need of rest30 ,he answered1 8,i have no need of rest1 were it not to put me in case1 to finish my course with joy4 ,lo1 here the power of ,christ's death1 and the efficacy of his resurrection6 ,i find the advantage of one at the right-hand of ,god1 who is able to save to the uttermost6 ,that is the sight ,i long for3 he will but shut my eyes1 and open them in glory4 ,to have my soul entirely submissive to him in all things1 that is my desire4 ,and1 so it will be shortly2 then never will there be a reluctant thought1 never one more estranged thought from ,god60 99,to one who asked1 if he was not faint1 he answered1 8,i am not faint1 ,i am refreshed as with wine4 ,o there is a sweet calm in my soul4 ,my desires are towards him1 and the remembrance of his name4 ,remember him6 ,why should not ,i remember him1 that remembered me in my low condition8 ,he passed by and said1 live6 ,and when he says1 he gives life40 ,he then desired to have read the former part of the first chapter of the second epistle to the ,corinthians4 ,and after the #ith and #ajth verses were read1 ,we had the sentence of death in ourselves1 that we should not trust in ourselves but in ,god which raiseth the dead3 who delivered us from so great a death1 and doth deliver1 in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us4 ,he said1 8,now there 'tis all4 ,god hath delivered me1 and ,i trust that he will deliver me1 and bruise ,satan shortly under my feet1 and ,i shall get the victory over the cunning world1 and the deceitful heart4 ,many a weary day have ,i had with my unbelief6 ,if ,i had had faith to believe things not seen1 to believe that my happiness lay not in things temporal but eternal3 if ,i had had faith's abiding impression realizing these things1 ,i should not have known how to abide out of heaven a moment40 99,when he was desired to sleep1 he answered1 8,those ,i am going to1 sleep not day nor night1 but cry1 ,holy1 holy1 holy6 ,they that wait on the ,lord shall renew their strength1 and mount up with wings as of an eagle4 ,i cannot get my heart in a right tune1 as ,i would have it2 but it will be so in a short time40 ,after he had lain still a little1 one said1 8,you have not slept40 ,he answered1 8,no2 ,i had much work2 but blessed be ,god1 pleasant work40 ,afterwards1 when his wife asked how he was1 he said1 8,my dear1 ,i am longing for the salvation of ,god1 and hastening to it40 ,then seeing her very sad1 he said1 8,my dear1 encourage yourself2 here is a body going to clay1 and a soul going to heaven2 where ,i hope you are to come40 99#c4 ,friday1 ,september #ai4 ,about five in the morning1 when he was desired to try if he could sleep1 he answered1 8,no1 no2 should ,i lie here altogether useless8 ,should not ,i spend the last of my strength1 to shew forth his glory80 ,he then held up his hands 7which were much swelled7 and said1 8,lame hands1 and lame feet6 ,but see a lame man leaping and rejoicing60 99,feeling some pain1 he said1 8,this is one of the fore-runners of the change1 the great change4 ,o when shall ,i be admitted to see the glory of the higher house8 ,instead of that cloudy light of a created sun1 to see that clear and perfect glory60 ,after some time's silence1 he took leave of his wife and children1 saluting and speaking to them all1 one by one4 ,then he said1 8,a kind and affectionate wife you have been to me4 ,the ,lord bless you1 and he shall bless you40 ,to a minister that came in1 he said1 8,brother1 ,i am upon a piece of trying work4 ,i am parting with my wife and children4 ,i am resolved1 ,i bless his name2 though ,i have had one of the best of wives1 yet she is no more mine1 but the ,lord's40 99,then to his son he said1 8,god bless the lad1 and let my name be named upon him4 ,but ,o1 what is my name6 ,let the name of the ,lord be named upon him4 ,tell the generation following1 how good ,god is1 and hand down this testimony40 ,after that1 he spoke to his servants and said1 8,my dear friends1 make religion your business4 ,i charge you all1 beware of graceless masters2 seek to be with them that fear the ,lord40 ,then he said1 8,here's a demonstration of the reality of religion2 and that ,i a poor1 weak1 timorous man1 once as much afraid of death as any3 ,i that have been many years under the terrors of death1 come now1 in the mercy of ,god1 and by the power of his grace1 composedly and with joy to look death in the face4 ,i have seen it in its paleness1 and in all its circumstances of horror4 ,i dare look it in the face in its most ghastly shape1 and hope within a while to have the victory40 ,he then said to some ministers1 8,my brethren1 ,i have been giving up my wife and children to ,god4 ,i am upon the wing for eternity2 but glory to ,god1 ,i know in whom ,i have believed40 99,then he said1 8,dear brethren1 will you speak a word to one that longs to hear of him8 ,o ,i love to hear the gospel1 ,i love to preach it3 ',tis a joyful sound1 a sweet sound4 ,i love to hear of his name4 ,his name is as ointment poured forth4 ,i love to live preaching ,christ2 and ,i love to die preaching ,christ40 ,after that he said1 8,brethren1 ,i take this opportunity to acknowledge your tenderness to me1 who am unworthy of it in many respects4 ,i can say1 ,i desired to live in love with you1 and bless ,god1 there was harmony among us4 ,the ,lord bless you and your labours3 the ,lord himself multiply blessings on you and your families1 and support you against all discouragements40 ,then to one of them he said1 8,my dear friend1 shew kindness to my dear wife1 and children4 ,i recommend her to your care2 she has been the friend of my bosom1 the wife of my youth1 a faithful friend40 ,afterward he said1 8,let patience have its perfect work4 ,my soul longs more than they that wait for the morning4 ,lord ,jesus make haste1 until the day break1 and the shadows flee away60 #d4 ,after this1 at his desire1 a paper was read over1 which he had dictated some days before4 ,this he owned before several witnesses1 and desired them to attest it4 ,the tenor whereof follows4 ,having before so disposed of my worldly concerns1 as ,i judged expedient for my family2 ,i thought myself bound1 moreover1 by this latter will1 to declare my sentiments as to religion2 being through the mercy of ,god1 in the full and composed exercise of my reason1 although very weak in body4 ,first1 then1 ,i acknowledge1 ,i came into the world a defiled branch of apostate ,adam1 under the guilt of his sin1 and tainted with the pollution of sin derived from him2 having a heart full of alienation from1 and enmity against ,god3 in a word1 a child of wrath1 an heir of hell4 ,and long did ,i follow the bent of this corrupt nature1 going on from ill to worse3 indeed ,i had ruined myself1 and could do nothing for my own recovery2 and must have been everlastingly lost1 if ,god in tender mercy had not looked upon me4 ,i must1 on the other hand1 bless ,god who cast my lot in a land where the gospel of ,christ is revealed2 who so ordered it1 that ,i was born of religious parents1 and by them was seriously devoted to him4 ,and whereas ,i early subjected myself to other lords1 ,i adore ,god1 that by his word and his spirit1 he ceased not to strive with me1 until in the day of his power he made me chearfully return to the ,god of my fathers4 ,i bless ,god1 that when ,i stood trembling under the terrors of his law1 he seasonably snatched me from despair1 by discovering the blessed way of salvation for self-destroyed sinners through a dying ,saviour4 ',tis he alone who must answer for me4 ,without him ,i am undone4 ,on him the efficacy of his sufferings1 the power of his resurrection1 and of his whole mediation1 as revealed in the gospel1 do ,i build all my hope4 ,i bless ,god that ever he honoured such a sinful1 unworthy worm1 to preach the glorious gospel of his ,son4 ,i confess ,i have but ill managed this glorious trust1 but have been a sinner in all ,i did exceedingly4 ,yet so far as ,i know my own heart1 it was the life of my life1 to preach ,christ crucified2 nor durst ,i deal coldly and indifferently in a matter whereon ,i knew depended both my own and my hearers salvation4 ,and ,i must bear testimony to my master1 that he never bid me go any part of my warfare upon my own charges4 ,if ,i was straitened1 it was in my own bowels2 but when ,i freely gave what ,i had freely received1 ,i never wanted seed for sowing1 and bread for the eater1 nor 7,i hope7 a blessing4 ,i desire to join my insignificant testimony to that of the glorious cloud of witnesses1 that the gospel is the power of ,god unto salvation1 to every one that believeth2 that the way of holiness is the way of pleasantness and peace2 and the ordinances of the gospel1 are the effectual means of communion and fellowship with the ,father and the ,son4 ,indeed all in ,god's way1 and in his word1 is glorious1 honourable1 and like himself3 he needs none of our testimonies2 but it is the least we can do to celebrate his praises4 ,i therefore being in some sense obliged1 take this solemn occasion1 before all the world1 to acknowledge these1 among many other obligations1 ,i have received from him4 ,and to bequeath1 as my last legacy to my family1 this advice1 to chuse the ,lord for their ,god3 for he hath been my father's ,god1 the ,god both of my wife's predecessors and mine4 ,we hope he hath been our ,god4 ,and ,i recommend him to my children1 solemnly charging them1 as they will answer it at the last day1 to make it their first care1 to seek peace with ,god1 and reconciliation through ,christ crucified2 and being reconciled1 to make it their perpetual study to please him in all things4 ,it is my repeated charge to you all1 follow ,god2 follow him early1 follow him fully4 ,i have oft devoted you1 as ,i could1 to ,god2 and there is nothing ,i have so much at heart as to have this stand1 that ye may indeed be the ,lord's4 ,o that ,god himself may determine your tender hearts to seek him early1 and he will be a good portion1 and see well to you4 ,as for my body1 ,i commit it to the dust under the care of the keeper of ,israel2 expecting and hoping that that quickning spirit1 who is the spirit of the head1 and actuates all the members of his mystical body1 will in due time1 quicken my mortal body3 and for my spirit1 ,i commit it unto the ,lord ,jesus1 with whom ,i have entrusted it long ago3 and ,i will end with ,stephen1 crying1 ,lord ,jesus1 receive my spirit4 ,,tho4 ,,haliburton4 #c4 ,soon after he said1 8,i confess ,god has been beating me in a mortar this long time2 but he has been doing much work4 ,my soul is even as a weaned child4 ,i am loosed from all my enjoyments4 ,my heart is disengaged even from my dearest wife and children1 but ,i have put them in a good hand40 ,to a friend he said1 8,there is a sweet composure in the ,lord4 ,the beams of the house are1 as goodly cedar4 ,i am laying down my tabernacle to resume it again4 ,o for grace to be faithful unto death6 ,after we have gone through many things1 we have still need to wait on ,god till the last4 ,for he that endureth to the end1 the same shall be saved40 ,then he said to the physician1 8,i fancy my feet are growing cold3 yea all the parts of this body are going to ruin4 ,you may believe a man stepping into eternity4 ,i am not acting as a fool4 ,i have weighed eternity this night4 ,i have looked on death in every circumstance that is terrible to nature4 ,and under the view of all these1 ,i found1 that in the way of ,god there is not only a rational satisfaction1 but a power that engages and rejoices the heart4 ,i have narrow thoughts3 ,i am like to be overwhelmed1 and1 ,i know not where ,i am1 when ,i think on what ,i am to be1 and what ,i am to see4 ,i have long desired and prayed for it40 99,some time after he said1 8,o sirs1 ,i dread mightily1 that a rational sort of religion is coming in among us1 a religion that consists wholly in moral duties and ordinances1 without the power of godliness1 a way of serving ,god which is mere deism1 having no relation to ,jesus ,christ and the ,spirit of ,god40 ,to a minister that came from ,edinburgh1 he said1 8,come and see your friend in the best case you ever saw him in1 longing for a deliverance1 and hasting to the coming of the day of ,god4 ,i sent for you1 to encourage you to preach the gospel in an ill world1 and to stand by ,christ1 who had been so good to me4 ,this is the best pulpit that ever ,i was in4 ,i am now laid on this bed for this end1 that ,i may commend my ,lord40 #f4 ,saturday1 ,september #bj4 ,in the morning when a minister asked how he was1 he answered1 8,i am composed1 waiting for him40 ,he replied1 8,you see how kindly he deals with you3 he gives you both heavenly exercise and heavenly enjoyments3 he deals so tenderly with you1 that you have little to do but to praise40 ,he answer'd1 8,i have reason to desire the help of all to praise him4 ,bless the ,lord1 ,o my soul1 and all that is within me1 magnify his holy name60 ,to some entering the room1 he said1 8,you are all very welcome4 ,i am taking a little wine for refreshment4 ,in awhile1 ,i shall have new wine in the kingdom of his glory4 ,i dare scarce allow my thoughts to fix directly upon it4 ,i must look aside lest ,i be overwhelmed4 ,but ,i must speak of him who hath done wonderful things for me1 and kept me in a perfect calm4 ,verily1 light is sown for the upright1 and gladness for the true of heart4 ,o when shall ,i conceive aright of glory6 ,i cannot order my speech now1 because of darkness6 ,i long to behold it1 but ,i will wait till he comes4 ,i have experienced much of his goodness since ,i lay on this bed4 ,i have found that tribulation worketh experience1 and experience patience1 and patience hope4 ,and ,i have found the love of ,god shed abroad in my soul40 ,then turning to his wife1 he said1 8,my dear1 encourage yourself in the hope1 that under the conduct of the same captain of salvation1 you will come thither also4 ,cast yourself and your family upon the ,lord4 ,encourage yourself2 ,god liveth4 ,blessed be my ,redeemer1 the rock of my salvation60 99,then he said1 8,who is like unto him8 ,o1 what has he allowed me this night6 ,i know now the meaning of that1 ,whatsoever ye shall ask in my name1 ye shall receive it4 ,the ,lord hath even allowed me to be very minute in every circumstance4 ,many a day have ,i feared1 how ,i should get through the valley of the shadow of death3 but now ,i fear not4 ,blessed be ,god1 who1 since ,i laid down here1 hath carried on a work of sanctification far in my soul1 that makes me meet for heaven6 ,young as ,i am1 ,i die old and satisfied with days4 ,the child is going to die an hundred years old4 ,i am like a shock of corn1 fully ripe4 ,but1 ,o1 ,i have been under a bright sun1 in a day when the sun of righteousness shone1 and ,i have had glorious showers40 ,after a little silence he said1 8,i have slept1 and am refreshed4 ,and now what shall ,i say8 ,i can say no more to commend the ,lord2 not for want of matter1 but of words4 ,well1 ,sirs1 you'll meet with difficulties2 but this may encourage you1 you see ,god owns his servants own him1 and despise what his enemies can do against them8,god has kept my judgment for the best piece of work ,i ever had4 ,o what of ,god do ,i see6 ,i never saw any thing like it4 ,the beginning and end of religion are wonderful sweet40 ,one said1 8,god's dealing with you has been very uncommon40 ,he answered1 8,very uncommon indeed1 if you knew all that ,i know4 ,but therein is the excellency of his power seen1 in that he maketh the weak strong40 ,a while after he said to those about him1 8,o this is the most honourable pulpit ,i was ever in6 ,i am preaching the same ,christ1 the same holiness1 the same happiness ,i did before4 ,i have much satisfaction in that4 ,i am not ashamed of the gospel ,i have preached4 ,i was never ashamed of it in all my days2 and ,i am not ashamed of it at the last4 ,here am ,i1 a weak man1 in the hand of the king of terrors1 rejoicing in hope of the glory that shall be revealed2 and that by the death and resurrection of a despised ,christ4 ,when the beginning of this trouble was upon me1 ,i aim'd 7as my strength would allow7 at that1 shew me some token for good2 and indeed ,i think1 ,god hath shewed me a token for good40 ,then perceiving his spirits faint1 he said1 8,come ,lord ,jesus1 receive my spirit1 fluttering within my breast like a bird to be out of a snare4,when shall ,i hear him say1 ,the winter is past2 arise my love and come away8 ,come and take me by the hand1 ,that ,i stumble not in the dark valley of death60 ,then he desired a minister to pray2 and after prayer said1 8,lord1 ,i wait for thy salvation4 ,i wait as the watchman watcheth for the morning4 ,i am weary with delays6 ,o why are his chariot wheels so long a coming6 ,i am sick of love4 ,i am faint with delay60 ,then he said1 8draw the curtains about me1 and let me see what he has a mind to do with me30 ,and after a while1 8,whence is this to me8 ,there is a strange change within this half hour4 ,ah1 ,i am like to be shipwrecked to health again8 ,o what sort of providence is this8 ,i was in hopes to have been at my journey's end3 and now ,i am detained by a cross wind4 ,i desire to be patient under his hand2 but he must open my heart to glorify him4 ,o pray for me2 pray for me2 that none who fear him may be ashamed on my account40 ,to the apothecary he said1 8,i thought to have been away1 but ,i am come back again4 ,i was glad to be gone2 yet ,i am not wearied4 ,he has not allowed a fretting thought4 ,my pain is great2 but ,i am enabled to bear it4 ,o ,i am a monument of the power of ,god4 ,my great desire has been these many years1 to suffer for the truth of our religion4 ,and now ,god has given me the greatest honour to be a living witness to it4 ,i am a monument that we have not followed cunningly devised fables4 ,i shall be at heaven shortly1 by the word of my testimony1 and the blood of the ,lamb40 ,then to a citizen he said1 8,there are but few names in this place1 that set their faces heavenward4 ,but be you encouraged to go on3 you have been a kind neighbour2 the ,lord bless you and your family4 ,they that are planted in the house of the ,lord1 shall flourish in the courts of our ,god4 ,here is an evidence of it4 ,last winter ,i thought ,i was going to be cast out as a withered branch1 and now the dead stock that was cut has budded again1 and grown a tall cedar in ,lebanon40 ,then he said to the ministers1 8,i desire to hear the word read1 the word preached4 ,many times1 when ,i thought on the worthies of old1 ,i said ,i was born out of due time3 but now ,i think ,i am born in due time2 for ,i shall see ,jesus6 ,jesus that delivers from the wrath to come4 ,i shall see ,elijah and ,moses1 the great old testament prophets4 ,i shall see the two great mediators1 the type and the antitype4 ,the three disciples got a glorious sight of ,christ in his transfiguration1 to confirm their faith against the objections of the unbelieving4 ,was he despised as a mere man and his godhead disowned8 ,lo1 here he appears in divine majesty and glory6 ,did they say he was against the law8 ,lo1 here ,moses1 by whom the law was given1 adoring him4 ,did they say1 he was not the ,messiah foretold by the prophets8 ,lo1 here ,elijah the most zealous of them1 owning and honouring him4 ,was he reproached as a deceiver of the people8 ,lo1 the voice from heaven saith1 ,this is my beloved ,son1 in whom ,i am well pleased3 hear ye him4 ,yet this sight was of short continuance4 ,but in heaven we shall have an abiding sight4 ,we shall then behold his glory2 and we shall be like unto him3 for we shall see him as he is4 8,o6 ,i am full of matter6 ,i know not where to begin or end4 ,the ,spirit of the ,lord1 hath been mighty with me6 ,o1 the book of ,god is a strange book6 ',tis written within and without4 ,i never studied it to the half of what ,i should3 but now ,god hath given me much of it together4,never was ,i more uneasy in my life3 and yet ,i was never more easy4 ,all my bones are ready to break2 my hand is a burden to me2 and yet all is easy60 99,then to his wife1 he said1 8,o my sweet bird1 are you there8 ,i am no more yours4 ,i am the ,lord's4 ,i remember on the day ,i took you by the hand1 ,i thought on parting with you4 ,but ,i knew not how to get my heart off of you again3 yet now ,i have got it done4 ,will you not give me to the ,lord1 my dear80 ,then seeing her very sad1 he said1 8,my dear1 do not weep3 you should rather rejoice3 rejoice with me1 and let us exalt his name together4 ,i shall be in the same family with you3 but you must stay a little behind and take care of ,god's children40 99,when wakened out of sleep1 he said1 8,i am now hand in hand1 grappling with my last enemy3 and ,i find1 he is a conquerable enemy2 ,yea1 ,i am more than conqueror40 ,one said1 8,a strange champion indeed60 ,he answered1 8,i8 ,not ,i1 but the grace of ,god that is in me4 ,by the grace of ,god ,i am what ,i am2 and the ,god of peace hath bruised ,satan under my feet4 ,i have often wondered how the martyrs could clap their hands in the fire3 ,i do not wonder at it now4 ,i could clap my hands1 though you held burning candles to them1 and think it no hardship1 though the flames were going about them4 ,and yet1 were the ,lord withdrawn1 ,i should cry and not be able to bear it1 if you but touched my foot40 ,sunday1 ,september #ba4 ,about three in the morning he said1 8,and is it the sabbath then8 ,this is the best sabbath ,i ever had4 ,on a sabbath night my ,george went to his rest3 ,i bestowed him on ,god3 blessed be his name2 and he made me content4 ,i would have given him all my children that way2 and ,i hope it shall be so3 blessed be his name60 99,after a little pause he said1 8,shall ,i forget ,sion8 ,then let my right-hand forget her cunning4 ,o1 to have ,god returning to his church1 and his work going on in the world6 ,if every drop of my blood1 every atom of my body1 every hair of my head1 were men1 they should all go to the fire1 to have this going on40 99,after that he said1 8,i could not believe that ,i could have borne1 and borne chearfully this rod so long4 ,this is a miracle1 pain without pain4 ,blessed be ,god that ever ,i was born4 ,i have a father1 a mother1 and ten brethren and sisters in heaven1 and ,i shall be the eleventh4 ,o blessed be the day that ever ,i was born6 ,o if ,i were where he is6 ,and yet for all this1 ,god's withdrawing from me1 would make me as weak as water4 ,all which ,i enjoy1 though it be miracle upon miracle1 would not make me stand without new supplies from ,god4 ,the thing ,i rejoice in is1 that ,god is altogether full1 and that in ,jesus ,christ there is all the fulness of the ,godhead40 ,then to his wife he said1 8,o wait upon him2 for he is a good ,god to all that serve him4 ,he never takes any thing from them1 but he gives them as good or better back again4 ,my dear1 we have had many a sweet day together3 we must part for a while2 but we shall meet again1 and shall have one work1 the praises of ,god1 and the praises of the ,lamb60 99,then to some present he said1 8,do you think that he will come and receive the prisoner of hope to day8 ,whether he do it or no1 he is holy and righteous2 yet1 ,i confess1 ,i long for it4 ,i do not tire4 ,but the hireling longs for his wages4 ,if in his adorable wisdom he try me further1 holy and reverend is his name2 he is not wanting to me4 ,i desire only grace to be faithful unto death1 until ,i come to the land of praises1 to thy gates1 ,o ,jerusalem1 to give thanks to the name of the ,god of ,jacob40 ,then a minister asking1 if he should pray8 ,he answered1 8,yea1 yea1 pray for me40 ,and after prayer he said1 8,this night my skin has burned1 my heart has panted1 my body has been bruised1 and there is a sore upon me1 that is racking my spirit3 and yet ,i cannot say1 but the ,lord still holds me in health in the midst of all4 ,if he should please to continue me years in this case1 ,i have no reason to complain40 ,one said1 8,no hypocrite is able1 in such a condition1 to counterfeit such language40 ,he answered1 8',tis as great a wonder to me1 as to any about me4 ,brother1 ,i know not whether ,i may desire you to beg of the ,lord1 with respect to this poor body to shorten my trial1 if it be his will3 the hireling longs for his wages2 but ,i have reason to do it with submission4 8,i long for a deliverance from the body4 ,but if ,god lengthen my trouble1 then why not6 ,righteous is his name4 ,i know not what alteration may be4 ,i confess1 ,i am like a bird on the wing3 and ,i would fain be at ,immanuel's land1 where the tree of life is4 998,well1 all this is encouragement to you1 to acquaint yourselves with ,god4 ,all these soft cloaths are like sackcloth to me2 and yet ,i have perfect ease of spirit4 ,my breast and my stomach are drawn all together1 as it were with cords2 and yet the mercy of ,god keeps me composed4 ,what is this8 ,i could scarce have believed1 even tho' ,i had been told1 that ,i could have kept in the right exercise of my judgment1 under this racking pain4 ,whatever come of it1 this is a demonstration that there is a reality in religion2 and ,i rejoice in this1 that ,god hath honoured a sinful worm1 so as to be a demonstration of his grace4 ,my dear friends1 while ,i live1 ,i must preach the gospel4 ,he has given me awhile yet here1 which ought to be reckoned precious1 and so long as it lasts1 my work is still to commend him4 ,the word speaks1 providence speaks in me2 despise not the gospel under this new discovery4 ,i am a sinner2 shame belongs to me3 worthy is the ,lamb to receive glory40 ,to two ministers who stayed with him while the rest went to church1 he said1 8,if my head would bear it1 ,i would fain hear singing4 ,i do not find any change1 and ,god has in some measure taken away my inclination to limit him1 as to the hour40 ,he then joined in singing the latter part of the #hdth psalm2 and after singing said1 998,i always had a mistuned voice1 and which is worse1 a mistuned heart3 but when ,i join the temple service above1 there shall not be one string of the affections out of tune40 ,to some that came from church he said1 8,you have been in the assembly of ,god's people1 wherein communion with the ,father and ,son may be attained4 ,these enjoyments are some of the most valuable to be had here1 and the way to the rest which remaineth for the people of ,god4 ,o how amiable are thy tabernacles even here6 ,but how much more so above1 where there is the eagle's eye1 that can see the glorious light1 even the light of the ,lord60 99,then to the ministers he said1 8,when this trouble began1 ,i expected no smile from ,god4 ,i thought if ,i could steal away1 creeping with terrors1 to be plunged into eternity with a peradventure1 it was fair4 ,but he hath taken me out of the miry clay1 and set my feet upon a rock4 ,i am nothing1 less than nothing1 a vile sinner2 but mercy does all40 ,in the night he caused the songs of degrees to be read1 and said1 8,these psalms are so called 7say some7 because they were sung on the steps of the stairs that led up to the temple4 ,and what fitter to be read to a poor sinner1 that aims at climbing up the hill of ,god1 where the great temple of ,god is80 99#h4 ,monday1 ,september #bb4 ,at half an hour past two1 he asked what hour it was1 and said1 8,early in the morning my friends shall be acquainted2 for ,i expect this cough will hasten my deliverance4 ,well1 well2 ,i shall get out of the dark cloud2 within a little ,i shall be in ,abraham's bosom2 yes1 in his1 who carries the lambs in his bosom3 and ,i am sure of goodness and mercy to follow me4 ,o how good is he to a poor worm6 ,let us exalt his name together4 ,it is the constant employ of all above1 day and night4 ,they see and sing2 they have a clear vision4 ,o when shall ,i see his face1 who is fairer than the sons of men6 ,yea1 who is brighter than the sun in his strength60 ,to a minister he said1 8,could ,i have believed 7but ,i am an unbeliever7 that ,i could have had this pleasure in this condition8 ,once or twice ,satan was assaulting my faith4 ,i waked in a sort of carnal frame1 and ,i thought ,i had lost my jewel2 but now he will stand by me to the end4 99,what shall ,i render to him8 ,my bones are riving through my skin2 and yet all my bones are praising him40 ,after struggling with a defluction in his throat1 he said3 8,this is a messenger from ,god to hasten me home4 ,the other day ,i would have gone away without this glorious evidence of the grace of ,god4 ,but this is more for my advantage1 that ,i am thus tried and comforted4 ,i said1 ,why are his chariot wheels so long a coming8 ,but ,i will not say so any more4 ,yet a little while1 and he that shall come1 will come1 and will not tarry40 ,then he said1 8,if ,i should say that ,i would speak no more in the name of the ,lord1 it would be like a fire within my breast40 ,and some looking at him as in amaze1 he said1 8,why look ye stedfastly on me1 as though by my might or power ,i were so8 ,not ,i1 but the grace of ,god in me4 ',tis the ,spirit of ,god that supports me40 ,to his wife he said1 8,be not discouraged1 my dear1 at the unavoidable consequences of nature4 ',tis an evidence that there is but a very little time more1 and death will be swallowed up in victory3 the body will be shaken in pieces1 and yet1 blessed be ,god1 my head is as composed as it was before my sickness40 99,then to some present he said1 8,my moisture is much exhausted this night1 but the dew lies all night on my branches1 the dew that waits not for man1 nor tarries for the sons of men4 ,o what cannot grace do8 ,how have ,i formerly repined at the hundredth part of this trouble6 ,o study the power of religion6 ',tis the power of religion1 and not the name1 will give the comfort ,i find4 ,i have peace in the midst of pain4 ,and1 ,o how much of that ,i have had for a time past6 ,my peace has been like a river1 not a discomposed thought4 ,there have been some little suggestions1 when my enemies joined in a league together1 and made their great assault upon me4 ,i had then one assault1 and ,i was like to fall4 ,but since the ,lord rebuked them1 there is not a discomposed thought1 but all is calm40 ,to a gentlewoman he said1 8,you are come to see your old1 dying friend2 a wonder indeed1 but a wonder of mercy4 ,i am preaching still1 and ,i would be so content to do1 till these flesh and bones were wasted to nothing4 99,the ,god of glory appeared to me1 and the first sight ,i had of him was such1 as won my heart to him1 so as it was never loosed4 ,many wandrings ,i have had1 but ,i was never myself1 till ,i went back to my center again40 ,he then rattled a little in his throat1 and said1 8,this may be irksome to you2 but every messenger of death is pleasant to me1 and ,i am only detained here1 that ,i may trumpet forth his praise a little longer40 8ver0 replaced with 8never0 99,about noon he said1 8,i was just thinking on the pleasant spot of earth ,i shall get to lie in1 beside ,mr4 ,rutherford1 ,mr4 ,forrester1 and ,mr4 ,anderson4 ,i shall come in as the little one among them1 and ,i shall get my pleasant ,george in my hand2 and ,o1 we shall be a knot of bonny dust40 ,then he said1 8,it will not be all my sore bones1 that will make me weary yet 7as long as ,god gives me judgment to conceive1 and a tongue to speak7 to preach his gospel40 ,then with the utmost warmth he broke out1 8,strange1 this body is sinking into corruption1 and yet my intellectuals are so lively1 that ,i cannot say there is the least alteration1 the least decay of judgment or memory4 ,such vigorous actings of my spirit toward ,god1 and things that are not seen6 ,but not unto us2 not unto us2 which ,i must have still on my heart1 lest cursed self steal the glory from ,god60 ,some time after he said1 8,good is the will of the ,lord4 ,every one of these throws is good2 and ,i must not want one of them3 ,i must not fly from my post1 but stand as a centinel1 for this is my particular work4 ,this would be hard work without ,christ3 but 'tis easy with him who is the captain of my salvation40 ,he mentioned the pain in his head1 but said1 8,in a battle there must be blood and dust4 ,every battle of the warrior is with confused noise1 and garments rolled in blood4 ',tis meet ,i should be so hard put to it1 that ,i may know to whom ,i owe my strength4 ,o that ,i were at the throne above1 that my glimmering light were taken away1 that this unsteady faith might terminate in vision60 ,then he said1 8,if ,i am able1 though ,i cannot speak1 ,i'll shew you a sign of triumph1 when ,i am near glory60 ,to his wife he said1 8,my dear be not discouraged1 though ,i should go away in a fainting fit4 ,the ,lord's way is the best way4 ,i am composed4 ,though my body be vexed1 my spirit is untouched40 99,one said1 8,now you are putting your seal to that truth1 that godliness is great gain4 ,and ,i hope you are encouraging yourself in the ,lord40 ,as a sign of it1 he lifted up his hands and clapped them4 ,and in a little time1 about seven in the morning1 he went to the land1 where the weary are at rest4 ,an ,,extract of the ,,life of ,monsieur ,,de ,,renty1 ,a late ,,nobleman of ,,france4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of his birth1 marriage1 and general way of life4 #a4 ,,mr4 ,de ,renty descended from one of the most noble houses of ,artois4 ,he was the only son of ,charles ,de ,renty1 and was born in the year #afaa1 at ,beny in ,low ,normandy4 ,there he was brought up till six or seven years of age1 and then by his mother carried to ,paris1 where he lived with her about two years1 till he was put into the college of ,navarre2 whence he was sent to ,caen1 till at seventeen he was removed to an academy1 or school of genteel exercises at ,paris4 ,he was soon accomplished in all the exercises there taught3 ,but what then pleased him most was1 the mathematics4 ,for these he slighted all sorts of diversions1 till he understood them perfectly1 and composed some books therein4 #b4 ,about this time a stationer whom he used1 presented him with ,kempis of the imitation of ,christ2 and some time after pressed him to read it1 which he had no sooner done1 than he felt new thoughts and affections1 and resolved seriously to pursue the one thing needful1 the working out his salvation4 ,and ever after he so esteemed that book1 that he always carried it about him1 and made use of it on all occasions4 #c4 ,at the age of twenty-two1 he married ,elizabeth de ,balsac1 daughter of the ,count of ,graville1 by whom he had five children1 four of which 7two sons and two daughters7 survived him4 #d4 ,having lived to the age of twenty-seven years1 it pleased ,god to touch his heart more closely2 and this time he marked as the beginning of his entire change1 and perfect consecration to ,god's service3 in order whereto1 he was well convinced of the necessity of a good guide2 and ,god provided him one1 such as his need required1 a person of deep learning1 of great piety1 and well-experienced in the directions of souls1 who had the conduct of him for twelve years4 ,by his advice he withdrew altogether from court1 he renounced all visits of pure compliment1 and all unnecessary employments to give himself up to those which might glorify ,god1 and help his neighbour4 #e4 ,every day before dinner1 and again in the evening1 he made an exact search into his smallest faults4 ,he communicated three or four times a week1 having ever an incredible esteem of the holy ,eucharist1 blessing and praising ,god for its institution1 and exciting all men to do the same4 ,he was used to say1 8,that the great design of ,god in the incarnation1 life1 death1 and resurrection of his ,son1 was to convey to us his ,spirit1 to be unto us life eternal4 ,and in order to cause us to die to ourselves1 and live thereby1 he gave him to us in this holy sacrament1 and with him all the blessings of grace1 to dispose us for those of glory40 #f4 ,one day in a week he visited the poor sick people of the great hospital de ,dieu3 another those of his own parish2 a third the prisoners2 and in the rest he used to meet at assemblies of piety4 ,he assembled his own family every evening to prayers1 and discoursed to them every ,saturday on the gospel for the next day4 ,and of his children he took more special care1 to engrave deeply in them the fear of ,god1 and to convince them that the customs and maxims of the world were utterly irreconcilable to the gospel of ,christ4 #g4 ,the order he kept in his journies was this3 in the morning1 before setting out1 they joined in prayer2 after setting out1 the first thing done was1 the saying the itinerarium2 next was1 the singing the litanies of our ,lord2 then followed some meditation1 and after that a part of the divine office4 ,this being done he entertained the company with some good discourse4 ,beholding the spacious extent of the country1 he would speak of the immensity of ,god4 ,upon the presenting of any beautiful object1 he would discourse of the beauty of ,god1 and in so lively a manner as to touch the very heart4 ,approaching near the place where they were to dine1 he began his self-examination3 and being come thither1 as soon as out of his coach1 he went to the church1 and next1 if there were any in the place1 to the hospital4 ,being at his inn1 the first thing he did in his chamber was1 to cast himself on his knees1 and to pray with great affection for all persons that entered that place1 and for pardon of all disorders that had been there committed4 ,if he saw any thing offensive written on the walls or chimneys1 he defaced it1 and in the place wrote something of instruction4 ,and always before his departure he endeavoured to give some good advice to the servants of the house1 or to such poor as he could meet with1 that so he might not pass through any place without doing some good there4 ,after dinner1 when in his coach again1 he took a little time for recollection1 then sung the ,vespers2 which done1 he wished the company to use some useful conversation4 ,about four they sung the evening psalms2 afterward he applied himself to mental prayer2 and being come to his inn1 his exercises were the same with those of the morning4 8signing0 replaced with 8singing0 99#h4 ,a fuller account of his general way of life he writ to his second director1 as follows3 8,i have delayed some days after the command ,i had1 to set down the employing of my time1 for the better discovering of some things therein2 but ,i find nothing there of strict order because all consists in following the order of ,god1 which causes in a manner continually different things1 though all upon the same foundation4 8,for my outward behaviour1 ,i usually rise at five 7that is1 after part of the night spent in prayer47 ,at my awakening1 ,i consider myself as nothing1 before the majesty of ,god4 ,i unite me to his ,son and ,spirit4 ,being risen1 ,i cast myself down1 and adore the blessing of the incarnation1 which gives us access to ,god2 and deliver up myself to the ,holy ,jesus1 to be entered into his ,spirit4 8,being cloathed1 ,i go into the chapel1 where ,i cast myself down1 and adore ,god1 abasing me before him1 and making me the most little1 most naked1 most empty of myself that ,i can2 and ,i hold me there by faith1 having recourse to his ,son and to his ,holy ,spirit1 that whatsoever is his pleasure may be done by me4 8,between six and seven ,i read two chapters of the ,new ,testament bare-headed and on my knees4 ,i then give place to my affairs2 but if there be no business urgent1 ,i prostrate myself before ,god till ,i go to church4 ,there ,i stay till half an hour past eleven1 except when we dine some poor people1 then ,i return at eleven4 ,before dinner ,i examine myself1 and use some prayers for the ,church1 and for the propagation of the faith4 ,i dine at twelve1 and in the while have something read4 ,half an hour past twelve ,i spend an hour with them that have business with me4 ,then ,i go out whither the order of ,god shall direct4 ,some days are assigned for certain exercises2 others are not4 ,but be it as it will1 ,i endeavour to spend about evening an hour in devotion4 ,about seven1 after ,i have used some prayers1 we go to supper4 ,after supper ,i instruct my children4 ,at nine are family prayers1 after which ,i meditate till ten2 and then going to my chamber1 and recommending myself to my ,god1 after some short prayers1 ,i endeavour to repose4 998,as to the order of my interior1 ,i have not 7as ,i may say7 any2 for since ,i left my ,breviary1 all my forms have left me2 and now instead of serving me as means to go to ,god1 they would only be hindrances4 ,i bear in me ordinarily an experimental verity1 and a plenitude of the presence of the most ,holy ,trinity1 which elevates me to a simple view of ,god2 and with that ,i do all that his providence enjoins me1 not regarding any thing for their greatness or littleness1 but only the order of ,god1 and the glory they may render him4 8pesence0 replaced with 8presence0 8,for the things done in community1 ,i often cannot rest there3 ,i perform indeed the exterior for the keeping of order2 but follow always my interior1 because when a man hath ,god1 there is no need to search for him elsewhere4 ,and when he holds us in one manner1 it is not for us to take hold of him in another1 and the soul knows well what unites it and what multiplies and directs it4 8,for the interior therefore1 ,i follow his attractive2 and for the exterior ,i see the divine will1 which ,i follow1 with the discernment of his spirit1 in all simplicity2 and so ,i possess by his grace1 in all things1 silence of spirit1 a profound reverence1 and solid peace4 ,i communicate almost every day1 perceiving myself strongly drawn thereto4 99,i continually give up myself to ,god through ,jesus ,christ1 worshipping him in spirit and in truth1 loving him with all my heart1 with all my soul1 with all my mind1 and with all my strength1 and seeing in all things the conduct of ,god1 and adorning and following it4 ,and this only abiding in my soul1 all things else are defaced and blotted out4 ,i have nothing of sensible in me1 unless now and then some transitory touches3 ,but1 if any dare to say it1 when ,i sound my will1 ,i find it so quick and flaming1 that it would devour me1 if the same ,lord who animates it 7though unworthy7 did not restrain it4 ,i enter into a heat and into fire1 and even to my fingers ends1 feel that all within me speaks for its ,god1 and stretcheth itself forth in length and breadth in his immensity1 that it may there dissolve and there lose itself to glorify him40 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,his ,humility4 #a4 ,,st4 ,austin well observes1 ,that poverty of spirit is nothing else but humility3 ,the truly humble knowing themselves to be nothing of themselves but sin and misery1 to have nothing1 as being at best but manifold receivers of the grace of ,god2 to be able to do nothing1 having no power of themselves even to think a good thought1 and to deserve nothing but shame and contempt1 but misery and punishment4 ,and they are willing1 yea desirous1 that all others should think of them as they do of themselves4 #b4 ,m4 de ,renty being well convinc'd that this is the foundation of all virtue1 and that it was the proper virtue of ,jesus ,christ1 whom he had proposed to himself as his pattern in all things1 embraced it with his whole affection1 gave himself up to it with all his force1 and practised it in its utmost latitude4 #c4 ,he had so low an opinion of himself1 as it would be a difficult thing to express4 ,the greatness of ,god1 whenever he considered it1 humbled him to an immeasurable depth2 8,a mote1 said he1 in the sun is very little1 but ,i am far less in the presence of ,god1 ,i am nothing40 ,but correcting himself1 he added1 8,alas ,i am too much2 ,i am a sinner1 an anathema through my crimes40 ,to the same person he wrote1 8,methinks ,i break myself in pieces before ,god3 that ,i am spoken of1 that ,i have so much as a name is a strange thing40 ,i have seen him very often 7says one that knew him well7 humble himself1 as it were to the centre of the earth1 while he spoke to me of ,god2 saying1 8,it was not for such a one as him to speak of him1 but that he ought rather to contain himself in silence40 99#d4 ,this exceeding low opinion he had of himself1 made him more than once say1 with tears in his eyes1 8,that he was much astonished at the goodness of men in suffering of him1 and that he could not enough wonder1 why every where they threw not dirt at him1 and that all the creatures did not bandy against him40 ,and he was persuaded1 it was much boldness in him to speak1 and that men shewed great patience in enduring his conversation4 #e4 ,nor was there any thing which did not serve to increase his humility4 ,he abased himself much in the consideration of the weakness of our nature1 of which as he exprest it1 8,it is important that a man have experience1 that he neither forget himself1 nor the place he ought to hold3 that no flesh may glory in his sight2 that being abased and rendered as a thing that is not at all1 ,jesus ,christ may be in him1 the life of grace and holiness1 waiting for the time of our redemption40 #f4 ,but much was he humbled by the consideration of his past sins2 ,in one of his letters to his director1 he writes thus1 8my faults are as one great heap1 which ,i feel in myself1 obstructing the light from ,god4 ,i am strangely remiss and ungrateful1 ,i find much in myself to confound and humble me40 ,in another1 8,i am sensible of my fault1 in mentioning1 that ,i had placed a servant in such a family4 ,i had a motion within me1 not to have spoken it2 and yet it escaped from me3 of which ,i am exceeding sensible4 ,i should have been more faithful to the ,spirit of ,god40 ,and in another1 8,i am as blind 7or rather more7 in seeing my faults as in other things4 ,only in general1 ,i have a deep sense of my misery3 ,and ,i can say1 ,i am not ignorant of my unworthiness1 and the deplorable corruption sin hath wrought in me4 ,but lately ,i mentioned the faults of a certain person to another that knew of them before1 to make him understand that he was in a better condition4 ,but my conscience reproached me1 that ,i might have done this without3 and ,i confess ,i meddled too much in that affair4 ,in sum1 ,i am a straggler from ,god1 and a ground over run with thorns40 #g4 ,he drew yet further matter of humiliation from his rank and condition1 and the secular advantages which it gave him4 ,he not only despised1 but was ashamed of them2 often groaning before the majesty of ,god1 and saying1 8,he was in the lowest condition according to the ,spirit of ,jesus ,christ1 and that he had great confusion to see himself in that estate40 ,hence it was1 that he solemnly renounced his nobility1 and gave it into the hands of our ,lord2 that he did not love even for any one to call him ,monsieur1 and that he wholly declined the title of ,marquiss 7which was proper to his house7 and suffered only that of ,baron of ,renty4 #h4 ,even the gifts and graces of ,god made him more humble2 thus producing their true effect1 which is1 to abase and elevate the soul both together1 to raise it to ,god1 and abase it to itself4 ,in whatever good was done by him he assumed no share at all1 but referred all to ,god the true source4 ,and so in the management of all those talents1 he had always his hands clean1 without touching what appertaineth to ,god4 ,nor would he therefore that any one should consider him in what he said or did1 but regard ,god alone therein4 ,and to one who much desired a visit from him1 he wrote thus1 8,i cannot bear the account you make of my visits and society4 ,let us look much upon ,god2 let us bind ourselves strictly to ,jesus ,christ1 that we may learn of him fully to renounce ourselves4 ,o1 my ,god1 when will it be that we shall eye ourselves no more1 when we shall speak no more of ourselves1 and when all vanity shall be destroyed60 #i4 ,he likewise esteemed himself most unworthy of any of the grace or favours of ,god4 ,of which he says to a friend1 8,the gifts of ,god are sometimes so great1 that they put us beyond ourselves4 ,as among men if a poor man receives a gift from a prince1 according to the grandeur of his own power1 he is utterly overwhelmed1 and can find no words to express his acknowledgment3 ,so ,god gives blessings that go beyond our expectations or capacities1 and which make us see how unworthy we are1 without daring to lift up our eyes2 so doth their brightness dazzle1 and their greatness astonish us40 #aj4 ,the same opinion which he had of himself he was willing1 yea desirous that others likewise should have of him4 8,if ,i were to wish any thing1 said he1 it should be1 to be much humbled1 and to be treated as an off-scouring by men40 ,and hence he received contempt1 when it came1 not with patience only1 but with joy3 of which he gave an evident proof in his first journey to ,dijon1 whence he thus wrote to his director2 8,the reports here spread concerning me are1 that ,i have nothing but artifice and shews of devotion2 and that ,i kept private1 out of fear by coming abroad of discovering what ,i was4 ,most1 ,i find1 even of those from whom ,i expected quite the contrary1 have sollicited against me4 ,and hereby ,god hath shewn me many favours4 ,i have been with them1 and received humiliation with great joy4 ,i have been very wary of opening myself in any thing that might recommend me to them4 ,i have only done in my business what truth required2 and for any thing else1 ,i have made it matter of confusion1 as ,i ought4 ,i shall be here1 ,i believe as one excommunicate1 as the scape-goat of the old law1 driven out into the wilderness for my enormous sins4 ,i desire only to love ,god1 and condemn myself40 #aa4 ,nor was it only in his words but in his actions also1 that the humility of his heart appeared4 ,since his entire dedication of himself to ,god1 he would not suffer a cushion to be carried to church for him2 but to be there hid and disregarded1 he often mingled himself among mechanics and mean persons4 ,he kept himself always as much as he could at the lower end of the church2 and frequently1 if the door was shut1 said his prayers on the outside of it1 that he 8might not1 as he said1 put any to the trouble of opening it to a poor sinner40 99#ab4 ,during the war at ,paris1 he went himself to buy bread for the poor1 and carried through the streets as much as his strength would permit4 ,at the same time offering to take into his care the church plate of a monastery1 he pressed them to let him carry it to his lodging1 7which was two miles thence7 and on foot as he was1 a very large and weighty piece4 ,and being desired that when he did them the favour to visit them again1 he would come in his coach1 by reason of the distance2 he answered1 8he did not love to make use of a coach1 he must endeavour to make himself in every thing very little40 ,he went therefore thither on foot1 and returned at five or six1 in the shortest days1 sometimes in thawing weather4 ,and being told of the pains he took1 he replied1 8,our ,lord took pains in a far other manner40 #ac4 ,when he was assisting with his own hand in the repairing of one of his houses1 he thus expressed himself3 8,blessed for ever be our great ,god1 by ,jesus ,christ6 ,i believe ,i ought to labour in the lowest employments2 and the time ,i spend therein1 ,i count very dear1 regarding it as ordered by ,god4 ,what makes me the more to know it is his order1 is this2 that from time to time ,i feel more of retribution from him in one instant1 than the patience and humiliation of a sinner could merit in all his life4 ,he so opens himself to me1 that ,i am quite mollified1 and melted into tears4 ,my eyes are so full of them1 that often ,i have much ado to keep them in1 pierced as ,i am with love1 with reverence1 and with acknowledgment of his goodness manifested by his enlightning presence1 and of his inexplicable conduct4 ,i see1 we are not1 by a spirit of pride1 under pretence of the glory of ,god1 to dispense with ourselves from labouring in things mean and painful4 ,it was a work very gross and mean for ,jesus ,christ to converse with men1 who had more of rudeness than these stones ,i deal with4 ,o that ,i may obtain a part in his obedience1 and submission to the orders of ,god his ,father40 #ad4 ,being one day to go to a person of great quality1 in a business that much concerned the glory of ,god1 he would not use his coach1 tho' he was to traverse in a manner all ,paris1 and it poured down rain4 ,one moved1 that at least his footman might carry a cloak1 which he might take when he came thither4 ,but he yielded not4 ,only he consented to throw the cloak over him3 and in the nobleman's house he laid aside the wet cloak1 and appeared in the other ordinary one of his own4 #ae4 ,behold another effect of his humility1 of which he writ to his director1 ,december #bf1 #afdf4 8,the other day my ,lord ,chancellor's lady sent me a packet of letters1 in which were some from the king1 wherein ,i was made counsellor of state4 ,i sent her word1 that ,i received what had the mark of the king with all respect4 ,but ,i most humbly begged she would be pleased to take it in good part1 if ,i did not accept those letters1 but desired that the business might sleep without noise4 ,my disposition towards affairs of this nature is1 to have nothing at all to do with them4 ,if they come upon me perforce1 without my seeking1 our ,lord will give me strength to bear them40 #af4 ,to the same person on another occasion1 he wrote as follows3 8,walking one day through the streets of ,paris1 in a mean dress1 ,i deeply reflected on that of the apostle1 ,we are become as the filth and off-scowering of the world4 ,i considered how much neatness and new things1 even in the most trifling instances1 do hurt 7if one take not good heed7 the simplicity and lowliness of a ,christian spirit4 ,and ,i saw it was a great temptation for any1 to think to preserve his outward grandeur1 in hopes thereby to have more weight and authority for the service of ,god4 ,this is a pretence1 indeed1 that the infirmity of most ,christians makes use of in the beginning3 but experience draws them at last to ,jesus ,christ1 who was made the lowest of men40 #ag4 ,a further proof of his humility1 was his carriage to the director4 ,he did nothing that concerned himself1 without his conduct3 to him he proposed whatever he designed1 either by speaking or writing1 clearly and punctually1 desiring 8his advice1 his pleasure1 and blessing upon it20 and that with the utmost respect and submission3 and without reply or disputing1 he simply and exactly followed his order4 ,his director having written to him1 he answered in these terms2 8,i beseech you to believe1 that although ,i am most imperfect and a great sinner1 yet if you do me the favour to send me a word of what you know to be necessary for me1 ,i hope with ,god's help to profit thereby4 ,i pant not after any thing but to find ,god and ,jesus ,christ1 in simplicity and truth4 ,i pretend to nothing in this world but this2 and beside this ,i desire nothing40 #ah4 ,the last effect of his humility we shall mention1 was his extreme contempt of the world4 ,he despised all which it could give or promise2 all its goods1 pleasures1 honours1 dignities2 counted all its allurements as dung and dross1 trampled under foot all its glories4 ,he beheld for this end our ,lord for his pattern1 who1 from his very first entrance into it1 made an open profession of an absolute contempt of it1 8,because he was not of the world40 99#ai4 ,to animate a lady with the same spirit1 he wrote to her thus3 8,i wonder how a thing so little as man1 drawn out of nothing in his original1 infected with his first parent's sin1 and the addition of his own3 when he is raised to so high a degree of honour1 as to be one with ,christ the ,son of ,god2 can continue to esteem the world1 or make any account of its vanities6 ,shall the things of the earth waste the little time we have to secure the treasures of heaven2 things that will all pass away like a dream3 as we see our fathers are gone already1 and there is no more remembrance of them3 their joys and griefs1 their pleasures and pains1 are they not all vanished away8 ,and are we not sure they were out of their senses1 if they considered any thing but ,god in their ways8 ,the same will befall us3 ,every thing else will pass away1 and ,god alone will abide40 99,the same lady1 in another letter1 he encourages thus3 8,courage1 all is well6 ,we must die to the world1 and search out the hindrances it brings to our perfection4 ,we must live in the world as not living there2 possess it1 as not possessing it4 ,let us drive out of our minds the affection to our fine houses2 let us ruin the delights of our gardens2 let us burn our groves2 let us banish these vain images which we have of our children2 approving in them what we condemn in ourselves1 the show and glitter of the world40 99,i know there is a difference of conditions2 but all ought to reject those intailments on noble blood1 7as men account them7 those principles of aspiring to the highest1 and of bearing nothing4 ,let us take from them this vanity of mind1 this stateliness of behaviour4 ,let us arm them against the pernicious examples of those grandees in story1 whose punishments are as eminent in hell1 as their presumption was upon earth4 998,my design is not1 that you should demolish your walk1 or let your gardens run into a wilderness4 ,the ruins ,i speak of must be made in our own minds1 not executed on things insensible4 ,when ,i say1 we must set all on fire1 my thoughts were1 to follow that admirable spirit of the apostle1 who would that we have poverty amidst our riches1 and divestment in the midst of our possessions3 he means1 that our spirit be thoroughly purified and separated from all creatures2 because a ,christian does himself great wrong1 if he entertains in his heart any other inclinations than those of ,jesus ,christ1 who saw all the world without destroying it1 but withal without cleaving to it40 #bj4 ,it is to bring us to this spirit1 that ,god permits us to meet so many pains and troubles in the world2 as when a man sets thorns in a way1 to make men take another4 8,god has his ends1 says ,m4 ,de ,renty1 in all these contrarieties1 viz4 that those who are his1 should be yet more his1 and despise more and more all that is in the world4 ,by these the confusion and vanity of the world are made known to them that are not of it2 who being in the spirit of death1 wait for nothing more there but death2 bringing forth1 in the mean while1 the fruits of life eternal40 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,his self-denial and mortification4 #a4 ,,as it is absolutely necessary for every soldier of ,christ1 who would not so fight as one that beateth the air1 to keep the body under1 and bring it into subjection2 ,m4 de ,renty vigorously applied himself to this work4 ,he made but one meal a day for several years2 till he was injoined to take more nourishment1 to be the better able to undergo the great labours he undertook for his neighbour4 ,he nevertheless eat but little1 and always of the worst4 ,a person who observed him at dinner one day1 took notice1 all he eat was some pears only1 and that with so great seriousness and recollection1 that it was easy to discern his mind was on ,god1 and not upon his meat4 99#b4 ,when one of his friends entertained him one day at ,caen1 he was much grieved 7as he afterwards declared7 that ,christians should be feasters2 adding1 ,it was a torment to be where there was so much superfluity4 ,hereon his friends took no more thought about his diet1 knowing his best entertainment was the meanest fare1 and that they could not oblige him more1 than by leaving him to his liberty4 ,and often at ,paris1 when he was so far from home1 that he could not return to dinner1 he would step into a baker's shop1 and after a piece of bread and a draught of water1 chearfully go on with his business4 #c4 ,nor did he deny himself only with regard to his taste1 but to all his other senses also4 ,when he went into the country1 and came in the evening to his inn1 after having dismissed his servants1 he either passed the night in a chair1 or lay down in his cloaths and boots1 which was his custom till death4 ,and when at ,amiens1 a lady1 in honour of his virtue and quality1 had prepared him a rich bed in a stately chamber1 he made no use of it1 but laid him down upon a bench1 and there slept till morning4 #d4 ,being come to ,pontois in winter1 and lodging at the ,carmelite ,nuns1 he told them not to make a fire1 or prepare a bed4 ,he then went to visit the prisoners 7which he never forgot7 and at his return1 about nine in the evening1 finding them going to prayers1 without taking any thing to eat1 he went into the church with them1 where he continued till eleven4 ,and indeed at every time and every place1 on every occasion1 even in the slightest and meanest things1 he kept a watchful eye over himself1 that he might in no instance fulfil the desires of the flesh1 but daily inure himself to endure hardship4 8,pointois0 replaced with 8,pontois0 99#e4 ,a short description of his mortification1 or deadness to the world1 we have in his own words4 8,since the time ,i gave up my liberty to ,god1 ,i was given to understand1 to what a state the soul is brought1 which is capable of union with him4 ,i saw my soul reduced into a small point1 contracted and shrunk up to nothing4 ,at the same time ,i beheld myself as encompassed with whatsoever the world loves1 and as it were1 a hand removing all this far from me1 and plunging it into the ocean4 ,first1 ,i saw removed all outward things1 kingdoms1 great offices1 stately buildings1 rich and elegant furniture1 gold and silver1 recreations1 pleasures3 all which hinder the soul in her way to ,god1 of which therefore it is his pleasure she be divested1 that she may arrive at that death which will bring her into the possession of real life4 ,secondly1 all inward things1 which are of a more delicate and precious nature1 as learning1 reason1 strength of memory and understanding2 to which likewise we are in a manner dead1 if we are alive to ,god4 ,and ,i perceived that we must come like little infants1 simple and innocent1 separated not only from evil1 but even from our ordinary manner of doing what is good4 ,we are to undertake what things the divine providence presents to us1 by making our way by ,god to them1 rather than by them to ,god4 ,a truly mortified soul sees nothing but ,god3 not so much 7if ,i may so speak7 as the things she does1 of which nothing stays in her1 neither choice1 nor joy1 nor sorrow1 for their greatness1 or for their littleness1 for good or bad success2 but only the good pleasure and order of ,god1 which ruleth in all things1 and which in all things contents the soul that adheres to him1 and not to the vicissitude of affairs1 and is therefore constantly even1 always the same in the midst of all changes40 #f4 ,as to the particulars of ,m4 de ,renty's mortification1 in the first place1 he was dead to riches4 8,i acknowledge before ,god 7says he in a letter to his director7 his great mercy to me thro' his ,son1 in freeing me from the things of this world1 and my constant thoughts are1 that if his order did not oblige me to do otherwise1 ,i would quit all that ,i have40 ,and to another1 8,all that can be imagined in this world is of small concern1 though it were the losing of all our goods4 ,this poor ant-hill is not worth a serious thought4 ,had we but a little faith and a little love1 how happy should we esteem ourselves in giving away all1 to attend on ,god only40 99#g4 ,thus entirely1 even in the possession of riches1 was his heart engaged from them4 ,and when the better part of his estate was in danger of being lost1 he said1 without the least emotion1 8,since ,god hath committed this estate to me1 ,i will do what shall behove me to preserve it1 and then 'tis all one to me what follows40 ,yea1 he often expressed a kind of holy envy toward the poor1 and a high esteem of their condition1 both as most advantageous for ,christian perfection1 and because ,christ himself had lived and died therein4 8,i avow to you1 7says he to a friend7 the more of riches come to me1 the more do ,i discover of the malignity affixed to them4 ,my heart is strongly inclined to follow him who was the most poor and depressed among all his followers4 ,but that ,i know ,i may not put myself into that estate1 ,i should pant after it very much4 ,what ,i infer from hence is this1 that not knowing the counsels of ,god1 ,i cannot tell how he will dispose of me for the future3 but ,i offer myself up to whatsoever shall please him1 knowing that with him ,i can do all things40 #h4 ,this inward temper appeared in a thousand outward effects4 ,he parted with several books1 because richly bound3 used no gloves in season2 wore no cloaths1 but plain and close made2 carried no silver about him1 but for works of charity4 ,i have seen him at first in his coach1 with a page and footman2 afterward1 in his coach with a footman1 without a page2 then with his footman only1 without his coach2 and in fine1 without either4 #i4 ,and as he was dead to riches1 and to all the things of the world1 so he was1 secondly1 to the persons in it3 having no affection for any1 but what was grounded upon1 and subordinate to the love of ,god4 ,this was particularly observable1 with regard to those who were engaged to him by one of the tenderest ties1 who depended upon him1 and used his counsel for the conduct of their souls4 99,to one of these he wrote1 8,i cannot hear without trouble the great matter you make of my conversation3 let us breathe after ,god1 and learn from ,jesus ,christ an entire renunciation of our own affections40 ,and in another letter thus3 8,jesus ,christ is ever the same1 and his grace is continually advancing2 and as long as ,i am his1 ,i shall be yours for his sake4 ,he is not wont to part souls by the separation of bodies3 since his custom is1 only to take away what might be a hindrance to the perfect life of the spirit40 99#aj4 ,to a friend who had lost his director he wrote thus3 8,his remove would doubtless be a great loss to you and all the country1 if the providence of ,god did not rather sanctify and establish1 than destroy2 but by removing these visible supports1 he often settles us more firmly in our adherence to him through ,christ1 where we find all power1 and who is so near that he is even in the midst of us2 and when our dependence upon creatures is cut off by his providence1 we experimentally find1 that we are not left destitute1 but that supply is made either by the spirit which dwelleth in us1 or by his ministers that remain2 who the fewer they are1 the more is the grace we receive by them multiplied4 ,nor should we be further engaged to those who assist us in our spiritual conduct1 than as to ,god's instruments1 whose help it is his will we should make use of1 but no longer than he pleaseth2 and when it is his will to take them from us by death1 or otherwise1 we ought not to lose our courage1 but with submission and gratitude resign all to him1 who will again provide for us as seemeth him best40 #aa4 ,he was1 ,thirdly1 dead to all desire of every kind4 ,being one day asked1 8,how he could be so quiet in such circumstances10 he answered1 8,that through ,god's mercy1 he was indifferent to all things1 and that he no longer felt either fear or desire of any thing40 ,and writing to his director1 he says1 8,for the future ,i could wish1 if there be any thing left for me to wish1 that ,i had nothing left me but my ,god3 ,this is the rich treasure of the heart1 the sure replenishment of the soul40 #ab4 ,he had no eager desire even of sensible consolations2 touching which1 he expressed himself thus1 8,dryness1 and other troubles of spirit1 are to be borne with upon any terms1 and we must give up ourselves as forlorn creatures1 throwing ourselves wholly upon ,god40 ,and again1 8however dry your soul may be1 when you endeavour to place it in a state of reverence and affiance in the presence of ,god1 persevere still as much as you can1 and keep yourself shut up in the cabinet of your heart2 suffer not the noise of all those tempests without2 be still1 and mind them not4 ,they have all their use2 they serve to purge the soul1 and dispose it for the operation of ,god upon it4 ,let then distractions1 and all sorts of imaginations assault you1 as it pleaseth ,god1 but let them not hinder you from that holy exercise2 diverting 7as you are able7 your mind from them1 continue your sacrifice1 with full assurance you shall not wait long1 before your ,lord come40 ,and when he found himself for a time1 in such a condition1 he would cry out aloud1 8,i am thine1 ,o ,god1 in spite of all these things1 and so ,i will continue without reserve for ever40 ,and sometimes he would write with his finger upon the ground1 8,i am content with every thing that proceeds from the will of ,god3 ,i ask nothing else but what he appoints for me2 ,i will never trouble myself to be freed from dryness2 my resolution is1 to bless ,god at all times40 99#ac4 ,lastly1 ,he was dead to his own will1 which he had perfectly resigned1 in conformity to the will of ,god4 8,far be it from me1 saith he in one of his letters1 to act in this by my own spirit2 ,i would have it wholly annihilated1 that it might know no other language but nothing1 and continually nothing2 to follow in all the footsteps of the divine will1 according to its measure and manner40 ,in another thus3 8,my ,saviour hath graciously brought me to such a state of indifferency for every thing that ,i could be well contented1 all my life1 to be fix'd to my bed1 a paralytic1 not able to stir1 without making any reflection on any service ,i might render to my neighbour1 or that ,i could render him no more3 all things according to the will of ,god1 being equal to me40 ,and in a third3 8,of late ,i have been busied in such employments as were sufficient to have overwhelmed so weak a spirit as mine1 had it not been absolutely resigned to the will of ,god4 ,it is on him alone ,i rest1 having renounced myself4 ,i adore the decrees of his sacred will1 who holdeth all things in his own hands1 to keep us subject unto him by his justice1 and to sanctify us by his love3 happy1 if we have the hearts of children1 the spirit of ,christ ,jesus1 to sigh after him1 and cry continually1 ,abba ,father40 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,his patience4 #a4 ,,questionless the humble man is patient1 because he knows he deserves far more than he suffers3 ,and whoever will search into the true cause of his own impatience1 will find it to be no other than pride4 ,on the contrary1 ,m4 de ,renty being most humble1 was by consequence most patient4 #b4 ,persons who had lived a very long time with him1 and carefully studied all his actions1 never heard him complain for any thing whatever2 neither for sickness1 or loss1 or any other occasion2 but they always observed in him a constancy immovable1 continually lifting up his heart to ,god1 and offering all to him1 without otherwise dwelling on what was grievous2 being glad that the work of ,god went on1 and receiving all in the spirit of sacrifice4 #c4 ,in his second journey to ,dijon1 with his lady and the ,countess of ,chatres1 he was seized with a violent rheumatism1 which put him into pain all over his body3 and when he was obliged to take his bed1 he went thither quite stooping1 supported by a staff1 and by a person that led him4 99,but notwithstanding the extremity of the pain1 he made no complaint1 nor uttered one word4 ,the ladies seeing him first quite pale and wan1 and in a moment all on fire1 told him1 8,surely he was very ill20 ,he answered only by a discourse on the pain endured by ,jesus ,christ1 and the favour it was for a soul to suffer for ,god's will2 but in terms so full of sweetness1 and with so much of love and zeal1 that the company were affected with great devotion in hearing him40 99#d4 ,when he was again asked1 whether he was not in much pain1 he at length answered plainly1 8,my pains are great even to swooning2 but though ,i feel their extremity1 yet through the grace of ,god1 ,i yield not up myself to them1 but to him40 ,he said farther1 that being led into his chapel of ,citry1 and set down upon a bench by reason of his illness1 the bench broke without any visible cause1 and that he believed the evil spirit had broken it1 in order to provoke him to impatience1 making him fall untowardly2 8,but by the mercy of ,god1 said he1 though the pain that surprised me was sharp1 ,i was no more moved than you see me now40 #e4 ,nor was it only in sickness1 but in all occurrences of life1 he carefully practised this virtue2 so that whatsoever befel him1 though it shocked his whole nature1 his body1 spirit1 judgment1 will1 inclination1 desires1 designs1 and those of the best sort1 he possessed his soul in patience and tranquillity1 receiving all without any alteration1 without being either exalted or dejected by it4 99#f4 8,praying to ,god1 says he in one of his prayers1 before the holy sacrament1 a poor man came to me to beg an alms4 ,in this instant it was given me to understand1 that if we were well enlightened1 we should never imagine ourselves to be hindred1 by any person or thing3 because we should in all things regard the order of ,god1 conducting all to our advantage2 we should see that both inward and outward distractions are to be received with this same spirit2 and that the uneasiness these little accidents give us1 springs purely from our want of mortification4 8,we ought indeed1 as far as we can1 to shun the occasions4 ,but when they come1 we must look upon them as ordered by ,god1 and receive and bear them with all sweetness1 humility and reverence3 and1 though they interrupt us1 the order of ,god is not interrupted in us4 ,and this indeed is the great secret of the spiritual life2 this is paradise upon earth4 8,in truth1 nothing troubles us but thro' our own fault3 all the vexation which we inwardly feel1 or outwardly shew1 when any one crosses or hinders us from doing any thing1 flows from the disorder of our too much engaged spirit4 ,for removing of which1 and the keeping our hearts in peace we must mark this well3 whoever hinders us from doing one good work1 thereby gives us the means of practising another4 99,a man suppose1 interrupts your reading and prayer4 ,but he gives you an occasion of exercising patience1 which at this time will please ,god1 and perfect you1 more than all those employments4 ,in them there was something of your own will2 but in this you wholly renounce yourself4 ,and the fulness of ,god is not1 but in the emptiness of the creature40 #g4 ,one great source of ,m4 de ,renty's patience1 was the high esteem he had of sufferings1 which sometimes made him ready to cry out with that holy woman1 8,either to die or suffer06 8,i see says he1 that in a manner1 every thing is unprofitable in this life but to suffer4 ,every pleasure is a too hasty seizure of that recompence1 which is not due to criminals1 who sojourn in this world only to be purged4 ,some pleasures indeed may be sometimes necessary1 in regard of our weakness1 but even they are apt to hinder the soul from attaining so high a degree of perfection40 #h4 8,though ,i dare not chuse or bring sufferings upon myself1 7says he in a letter to his director7 yet having always before my eyes how little ,i render to ,god for his favours1 ,i am inflamed to suffer with our ,lord4 ,in every other thing we are receivers from ,god4 ,but in this though we receive the grace to suffer1 yet the suffering is that which we can in a manner give to ,god1 and which is the best gage and proof of our love40 ,but he very wisely adds1 8although ,i know this1 yet ,i cease not to know what ,i am3 and amidst all my inclinations and desires1 ,i dare not to beg to suffer the least thing3 ,or1 if ,i happen to do so ,i revoke it afterwards1 as having done foolishly4 ,i have too much experience of my weakness4 ,i give myself only to my ,god for every thing he pleases4 ,by his order ,i will all3 ,with him ,i can do all3 and that which is ordered by him is always accompanied by grace40 #i4 ,the same spirit he earnestly recommended to all who were studious of ,christian perfection4 ,to one of whom he said1 8,it is a great favour to suffer2 that is if you suffer in the spirit of ,jesus ,christ4 ,but there are very few that do so2 very few that with a perfect resignment to what ,god ordains concerning them2 very few without some inquietude1 and dwelling in their thoughts upon their pressures3 few that give all events to the conduct of ,god1 to employ themselves entirely in his praise1 and to give way by their acquiescence and submission1 for him to exercise all his rights and power ever them40 99#aj4 ,one that was in great pain he encouraged thus3 8,many are called ,christians1 but few have a ,christian spirit4 ,many look up to heaven in their prayers1 but in their lives they are children of nature1 looking only upon the earth4 ,if they do lift up their eyes to heaven1 it is only to complain2 to pray ,god to condescend to their desires1 not to shew their acceptance of his4 ,or perhaps they will give some small things to ,god2 but not those on which they have fixed their affection4 ,if he separates them from them1 it is a dismembring which he must make1 and to which they cannot consent4 ,as though the life of ,christians were not a life of sacrifice1 a continual imitation of a crucified ,saviour4 998,god1 who knows our wretchedness1 takes from us for our good1 the cause of our evil1 a parent1 a child1 a husband1 that he may by another evil1 affliction1 draw us to himself1 and make us see that all these ties to whatsoever it be that separates us from him1 are so many obstacles to our real happiness3 and such obstacles that we shall one day own in the face of all the creation1 the greatest mercy he ever did us was1 to free us from them4 ,but we must beware not to count this mercy a chance or misfortune2 for this would be to turn the remedy into poison4 8,let us enter into the holy disposition which was in ,christ1 to suffer willingly for the glory of ,god1 and our salvation4 ,is it not strange1 that though the way he past through to glory1 was ignominy1 pain1 and the cross1 yet they who call themselves his followers1 desire and expect another way for themselves to walk in8 ,it is a shame for a ,christian to pass his days more at ease than ,jesus ,christ did4 ,let us therefore go after him1 and suffer with him4 ,blessed be sickness1 the loss of honour1 riches1 goods of the nearest things1 and the separation from all creatures1 which hold us bowed towards the earth1 if it set us straight1 and make us lift up our eyes to heaven1 and enter into the designs of ,god over us4 ,blessed be the plague1 the war the famine1 all the scourges of ,god1 which produce in us these effects of grace and salvation6 8,chirstian0 replaced with 8,christian0 #aa4 ,the greatest exercise of patience he ever had was that which was given to him by his mother4 ,she had claimed a large share of what his father had bequeathed to him2 who with great submission and respect gave her all that he believed her due1 over and above4 ,but she demanded still more4 ,being advised by council1 it could not be given without wrong to his children2 he referred the whole business to arbitrators1 and agreed that his mother should choose them all4 ,the day being come for their giving sentence1 his mother was in one chamber of the house1 and her son1 with his lady and a friend in an other1 where his employment was1 to pray to ,god for such an issue as might be for his glory1 and the procurement of peace4 ,when the award was brought1 although it was not advantageous to him1 and there was a large penalty on whomsoever did not stand to it1 he heard it with perfect calmness1 and immediately signed it without objection or dispute4 8refered0 replaced with 8referred0 #ab4 ,believing now that his mother was fully satisfied1 he was no sooner returned home1 than he caused ,te ,deum to be sung1 beginning it himself1 in thanksgiving for this happy conclusion4 ,but ,god1 to refine and purify him the more1 permitted the cross to continue upon him4 ,for his mother1 not satisfied yet1 found means to appeal from the award1 without incurring the penalty4 ,her son did all that was possible for him to alter her design2 after earnest prayer1 and extraordinary fasting1 he went to her1 cast himself on his knees before her1 and with the utmost reverence1 humility and submission1 begged of her over and over1 with abundance of tears1 8that she would please to take him and his family to herself2 and after that she might dispose as she pleased of all the goods his father had left him40 ,but neither would she consent to this1 but persisted in her resolution1 of suing him at the parliament of ,dijon4 ,this he might have prevented1 and never stirred out of ,paris1 but in respect to her1 he declined it1 and determined to go to ,dijon4 #ac4 ,being come thither1 he found all mens minds fully prejudiced against him1 which he gladly endured1 that he might be partaker of the reproach1 and honour the abasement of the ,son of ,god4 ,and when a person of piety acquainted him with the strange reports which were spread abroad concerning him1 he with admirable calmness raised his heart to ,god1 and humbled himself before him4 ,she asked1 ,whether it was true that injurious papers had been put in against his mother8 ,he answered1 8,no2 he had seen all the writings1 and found them drawn with the respect due to a parent40 99,she asked further1 8,if he was not much afflicted at her harsh manner of proceeding against him80 ,he said1 8,no2 because ,i so much adore the order of ,god over me1 that ,i cannot be afflicted at that which he permits to befal me4 ,i am a great sinner1 and therefore not only my mother1 but all the word have just cause to take part against me40 #ad4 ,she adds in a memorial1 that many ways were proposed for adjusting the difference2 but that it was the greatest difficulty in the world to bring his mother to join in any3 that in the midst of these delays1 she said to ,m4 de ,renty1 8,sir1 ,i shall willingly say the ,te ,deum1 when once your business is ended40 ,and that one day when they believed it would be wholly concluded1 he came to her with a chearful countenance1 and said1 8,it is now time to say the ,te ,deum1 since you had the goodness to promise it4 ,and may ,i be so bold as to desire to say it with you8 ,o what a great and wise ,god have we6 ,who knows well1 how to do all things1 as they ought and when they ought1 not according to our precipitation1 but his order1 which is our sanctification60 ,hereupon he said the ,te ,deum1 with a spirit so elevated to ,god1 as gave sufficient evidence of his being wholly filled with him4 ,and when afterwards all was broken off1 without hopes of making up again1 he said1 998,it is well2 though nothing be done1 it was very fit to return thanks to ,god1 for doing his own will1 and not that of a sinner1 unworthy to be heard or regarded40 #ae4 ,there passed many other things at ,dijon1 and since at ,paris1 during these differences1 even to the death of his mother4 ,but ,i doubt not1 he who is now in the place of perfect charity1 approves of my passing over in silence the failings of her1 to whom all his life he bore so much love and respect4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,his faith4 #a4 ,,mr4 de ,renty studied with a particular care a solid foundation in this virtue1 knowing how all other virtues depend upon it1 as on their root1 their rule and measure4 ,and he possessed it in so high a degree1 that he was more assured of the presence of ,god1 and the truth of the mysteries of ,christianity1 than of the shining of the sun4 ,he truly lived by faith3 this was the path wherein he walked1 working all by the spirit thereof4 ,he beheld things not with his bodily eyes1 but with those that pierced deeper4 ,considering them not according to their present condition1 or the order of nature2 but according to their future and eternal1 their relation to grace and glory2 regarding nothing but as it was1 or might be a means of his own or others salvation4 #b4 ,being fortified by this faith1 he was wont to say1 he felt no difficulty at all1 when 7in his younger years7 he was in a state of dryness1 wholly deprived of sensible comforts4 ,to which purpose he writes in one of his letters thus2 8,we seldom meet with persons addicted to prayer1 that behave themselves well under inward trials4 ,they have no patience to wait for comfort4 ,they fret themselves1 and hurry this way and that1 as if by their own means they could procure it1 seeking for another support than that of faith1 which alone should suffice any spiritual man4 ,for the just should live by faith1 and on that foundation rest1 in expectation of our ,saviour1 with patience2 knowing these joys are but supplements to the littleness1 and cordials for the faintings of our faith40 #c4 ,animated by this spirit1 he relied not on any thing that came to him in an extraordinary way2 resting neither on visions1 miracles1 revelations1 nor inward motions1 but solely on a pure and naked faith1 to carry him to ,god4 #d4 ,he knew our perfection consists in nothing else1 but the renewal of our soul in faith1 hope1 and charity3 in performing to ,god the sacrifices of a lively faith1 a perfect hope1 and fervent charity4 ,to cultivate and adorn his soul with these1 was therefore his constant care2 to unite it more and more intimately with ,god1 through faith working by love1 and to give himself up with all his strength to this hidden and divine life4 #e4 ,some years before his death1 he was peculiarly employed in the contemplation of the blessed ,trinity4 ,wherefore he gave this account to his spiritual guide2 998,i carry about with me ordinarily an experimental verify1 and a plenitude of the presence of the ,holy ,trinity40 ,and again1 8,i possess the sacred ,trinity with a plenitude of truth and clearness2 and this in so pure and vigorous a manner1 that my outward employment creates me no diversion at all40 ,and another time he writ thus2 8,jesus ,christ worketh the experience of his kingdom in my heart1 and ,i find him there my ,lord and my ,master1 and myself wholly his4 ,i discover now a greater enlargement of my heart1 but such as ,i am not able to express2 only thus1 it is a simple but most real sight of the ,trinity1 continually accompanied with praising1 blessing1 and offering all homage thereto40 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,his ,hope4 #a4 ,a ,,strong faith cannot but produce a firm hope and charity4 ,a true belief in ,god1 what he is in himself1 and what he is to us1 will work a strong affiance in him1 and ardent charity towards him2 as appeared in ,m4 de ,renty1 who being grounded in faith1 had also an undaunted hope1 and inflamed affections4 #b4 ,the experience of the power and mercy of ,god1 and faith in the infinite merits of our ,redeemer1 were the two pillars on which he built his hope3 and resting on these1 he hoped all things4 ,he used to say1 that when he looked at himself1 there was nothing so little wherein he apprehended not difficulty4 ,but when he looked upon ,god1 he could think nothing difficult1 much less impossible4 #c4 ,accordingly in all affairs1 he relied not upon his own prudence1 conduct1 care1 or any human strength or wisdom1 but on ,god alone1 saying1 8,when we have done our duty with great diffidence in ourselves1 we ought to attend wholly on ,god1 and wait his time40 ,and thus he writ to a friend1 8,as for my children1 ,i leave them in the hands of the holy ,jesus1 without determining any thing concerning them1 not knowing what would befall to-morrow4 ,he giveth me great confidence in his protection1 which renders me altogether blind1 without wishing any thing1 but being ready for his will in every thing40 #d4 ,guarded with his perfect confidence1 he feared nothing1 but remained firm and resolute against all encounters4 ,he walked securely in all places1 at all times1 in the streets1 in the fields1 by day and by night2 travelling through woods and forests1 reputed dangerous1 and frequented by robbers1 without any other defence than his trust in ,god4 ,a friend told him one day1 he was afraid to walk in the evening in the streets of ,paris without a sword1 and desired his advice2 who told him1 he had left off wearing a sword a long time1 and advised him1 after he had commended the business to ,god by prayer1 to trust in his protection2 assuring himself1 that his protection over us1 is according to our reliance upon him40 #e4 ,one day a scaffold on which he stood with his workmen fell down1 and hurt several of them3 but it moved not him2 his spirit remained in the same evenness as if nothing had happened2 being settled on him in whom is no variableness1 neither shadow of turning4 #f4 ,those words were found in one of his letters to his director4 8,my soul being armed with confidence and love1 fears neither the devil nor hell1 nor all the stratagems of man4 ,neither think ,i at all on heaven or earth1 but only how to fulfil the will of ,god in every thing40 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,his love of ,god4 #a4 ,,the sentiments ,m4 ,de ,renty had of the love of ,god1 he thus exprest in a letter to his director2 8,in all ,i read in the scripture1 ,i neither understand nor find any thing but this ,love4 ,the very end of the commandment is love1 out of a sincere heart4 ,and this is acquired by faith in ,christ ,jesus1 as the apostle observes in the following words4 ,faith uniteth us to him1 whereby we sacrifice our souls and bodies1 thro' his spirit2 which conducteth us to the compleat end of the law1 to deliver us up to ,god and bring him down to us in charity1 and a gracious inexplicable union2 to whom be praise for ever6 ,amen60 #b4 ,writing to another1 he says1 8,i thank our ,lord1 who hath disposed you to a perfect self-denial4 ,this is the way to love2 and our love of ,god is shewn1 not so much in receiving gifts and graces from him1 as in forgetting ourselves1 in renouncing all things1 and suffering constantly and courageously for him40 #c4 ,so inflamed was ,m4 ,de ,renty with this love1 that all his thoughts1 words and works1 were the fruits of it4 ,all his virtues drew their original from this3 it was the beginning1 and motive1 and end of all4 8,i cannot conceal from you1 said he to a friend1 that ,i have a fire in my heart1 which burns and consumes without ceasing40 ,and this divine fire was so ardent in his soul1 that the flames thereof often burst forth into his exterior2 and he hath owned1 that whenever he pronounced the name of ,god1 he tasted such a sweetness as could not be exprest4 #d4 ,one of his friends assures us1 8he has often seen him so inflamed with love1 that he appeared like one beside himself3 and that he has told him1 when these transports were upon him1 he was ready to cast himself into the fire1 to testify his love to ,god40 ,and one of his letters he concludes thus3 8,i must now hold my peace2 yet when ,i cease to speak1 the fire within that consumes me will not let me rest4 ,let us burn then1 and burn wholly and in every part for ,god4 ,since we have no being but by him1 why do we not live to him8 ,i speak it aloud and it would be my crown of glory1 to seal it with my blood40 99#e4 ,to another he writes thus3 8,i know not what your intent was1 in writing those words1 #8,my ,god and my all6' ,only you incite me thereby to return the same to you and to all creatures1 #8,my ,god and my all6 ,my ,god and my all6 ,my ,god and my all6' ,is your heart full of it1 and think you it possible ,i should be silent on such an invitation6 ,be it known to you1 that he is my ,god and my all2 and if you doubt of it1 ,i shall speak it a hundred times over4 ,i shall add no more1 for any thing else is superfluous to him that is truly penetrated with #8,my ,god and my all'40 99#f4 ,this love of ,god wrought in him an incredible zeal for his honour1 which he thus expresses to his director2 8,one day being transported with an earnest desire to be all devoted to ,god1 and all consumed for him1 ,i offered up to him all ,i could1 yea1 and all ,i could not4 ,i would willingly1 if they had been mine1 have made a deed of gift to him of heaven and earth3 and in another way1 ,i would gladly have been the lowest of all mankind4 ,yea1 and if supported by his grace1 ,i could have been content1 to advance his glory1 to have suffered the pains of the damn'd4 ,in this disposition of a calm zeal1 there is no sort of martyrdom1 no degree of greatness or littleness1 honour or dishonour1 that passed not through my soul1 and that ,i would not readily have embraced for the advancement of his glory4 ,it is impossible to express one circumstance of what ,i felt4 ,all ,i could do was1 to give up my liberty to ,god1 writing the deed in paper and signing it with my blood40 #g4 ,see here the zeal of a man all on fire with the love of ,god6 ,and the surest proof of love1 conformity to his will4 ,this intimate union of his will with ,god's1 the object and end of all his actions1 was indeed one of his singular graces1 as it is the sum of all perfection4 ,he writ thus to one concerning the ,countess of ,chatres1 with whom he had the strictest friendship2 8,i must own1 that during my absence from her1 my heart was tenderly sensible of her pain4 ,but my desire submits to the will of ,god1 and when that is signified1 he gives me grace to obey4 ,i was not at ,paris1 but at ,citry1 when she departed2 ,i was sent for post but came two hours too late4 ,entering the town1 ,i soon heard the news of her death4 ,presently ,i fixt myself to the will of ,god2 whereupon ,i found no more alteration in my soul1 than if she had been alive4 ,i see his order in this1 that ,i assisted her not at her death1 and doubt not but he permitted it for her advantage40 #h4 ,another time he writ thus3 8,i have these three weeks had a fever1 with a defluxion1 and an extreme weakness4 ,my frame of mind during this condition1 has been a simple adherence to the will of ,god4 ,i have a heart willing and ready to receive any afflictions that can befall me4 ,i desire whatever is decreed from above1 and beg it with all my heart40 #i4 ,in the year #afda1 one of his children1 whom he tenderly loved died4 ,when the news was brought him1 he spoke not one word1 nor1 shewed the least sign of disturbance3 his affection to the child yielding to his absolute conformity with the will of ,god4 #aj4 ,at the end of the year #afdc1 his lady fell desperately sick1 so that she was given over by her physicians1 and left speechless and without sense4 ,this affected him in the most sensible manner2 and he broke out into these words3 8,i cannot deny but my nature is deeply affected with the sense of so great a loss4 ,yet my spirit is filled with so wonderful a joy1 to see myself in such a state1 as to give up1 and sacrifice to my ,god1 a thing so dear to me1 that if decency did not forbid it1 ,i would give some open testimony of my readiness thereto40 ,hereby he evidenced the will of ,god to be so absolutely his1 that he not only willed whatever ,god willed1 but also willed it as ,god doth1 with pleasure and satisfaction4 ,but it pleased ,god to restore his lady to her health1 with respect 7as we may believe7 to the carriage of his faithful servant4 #aa4 ,from this perfect subordination to the will of ,god1 sprung his admirable tranquillity4 ,from this fountain flowed those rivers of peace which he possessed in so great perfection1 that on the most sudden surprisals1 his spirit was not altered1 nor put into any disorder4 ,so that he could say from the abundance of his heart1 8,i comprehend not that thing you call mortification4 ,he who finds no resistance in his spirit to any thing1 is not capable of it4 ,whoso willeth whatsoever ,god willeth1 is pleased1 whatsoever happens40 #ab4 ,with this ,love of ,god was joined so deep a reverence of him1 as often cast him into trembling4 ,and this unspeakable respect unto ,god's greatness caused him often to walk in the fields bare-headed1 even in rain1 or the heat of the sun3 and being asked by a friend1 what it was that kept him in that constant awe1 and how he attained that wonderful reverence he bore to ,god at all times1 in all places1 in all employments1 he answered1 8,the sight of his glorious majesty1 which continually seems present by me1 keeps me in exceeding awe1 with a deep sense of his greatness and my own vileness4 ,a mote in the sun is little1 but ,i am far less in the presence of ,god40 8prescence0 replaced with 8presence0 99#ac4 ,and sure it is1 that this deep sense of his own vileness1 before the majesty of ,god1 well becomes not only the greatest of sinners1 but the holiest of men upon earth4 ,he that from a valley beholds the sun when it rises1 and appears on the point of a high mountain1 may think him that stands above to be near it1 and almost able to reach it with his hand4 ,but the same man notwithstanding beholds it at a vast distance above his head4 ,and though in reality1 he is nearer than the other that stands in the valley1 yet the proportion is so small as scarce deserves to be named1 in respect to the total distance4 #ad4 ,this reverence of ,god occasioned in him a great reverence likewise to whatsoever was devoted to him3 as first to all holy places2 at his entrance into a church1 his demeanor was highly modest and serious4 ,he never sat down there4 ,he would remain in it as long as possibly he could2 sometimes seven or eight hours together4 ,if any person spoke to him in church1 his answer was short2 if a longer was required1 he went out and gave it4 #ae4 ,he had great respect1 secondly1 to holy persons1 especially to priests1 whom he highly honoured for their work sake4 ,whenever he met them1 he saluted them with profound humility1 and in his travels would alight off his horse to do it4 ,when they visited him1 he entertained them with great respect2 at their going1 waiting on them to the gate3 ,and if any dined at his table1 he gave them the upper hand1 which civility he observed to his own chaplain4 #af4 ,and as he had this reverence for them1 so had he an earnest desire1 that they might live according to the dignity of their calling4 ,when he saw any that did not1 he profest his heart melted into sorrow for them1 and that he prostrated himself before our ,saviour1 and begged with tears some apostolical spirits4 ,he often said1 8,give us1 ,o ,lord1 our poor fishermen1 men1 simple in appearance1 and vile in the eyes of men2 but great and holy within1 and fit to convert souls by their sanctity1 prayers1 and restless labours60 ,and herein ,i discover a great mistake ordinary in the world1 that outward greatness and pomp is the way to keep up men's credit1 and make them more capable of doing good to their neighbours4 ,o1 no6 ,it is grace that hath power upon the souls1 and an holy and humble life that gaineth hearts6 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,his ,love of man4 ,,section ,i4 ,of his love to man in general4 #a4 ,,the grand exercise of ,m4 de ,renty1 was to apply and unite himself to our ,saviour1 and from that union and example to derive all his virtues and good works4 ,to mould himself after him was his general course1 both in his inward tempers and outward behaviour4 ,he never took his eye off of this divine copy1 but endeavoured to draw every line exactly1 to pencil his true likeness1 and make him his native and perfect original4 #b4 ,this was the scope of all his designs and cares1 and particularly that of his charity to his neighbour2 for which he propounded our ,saviour as his grand exemplar1 weighing the affection he shewed for men2 marking what he had done1 and what he had suffered for them1 how he sought after1 and conversed with them2 how he instructed1 comforted1 and encouraged them1 sometimes reproving1 sometimes bearing with their infirmities2 at all times carrying them in his bosom1 yea1 in the most intimate inclosure of his heart4 #c4 ,he well weighed what ,christ had delivered concerning this virtue3 that he had established it as the perfection of his law2 that he had termed this command peculiarly his own2 that he had expressly and solemnly bequeathed it to his followers1 and enforced the execution of it upon them by all the strongest and most endearing ties2 that he had made this virtue the distinctive character of those who were in reality his disciples2 and that he had charged us to love our neighbour1 according to the model1 measure1 and fashion that he had loved us4 ,and accordingly he determined1 as far as he could1 to love his neighbour with the bent and spirit of his master4 8,i sigh 7said he7 after my ,saviour ,jesus1 desiring to imitate and follow him whither he pleaseth4 ,i beseech you1 by your prayers1 obtain for me his spirit1 to be my life1 my whole life4 ,sigh and groan for me after my ,god1 that ,i may be wholly for him1 in his ,son1 that ,i may follow him1 and not live but by his ,spirit40 #d4 ,agreeably to this he endeavoured1 in all the commerce he had with men1 to unite himself most intimately to our ,saviour1 giving himself up as an instrument to be guided by his hand in the helping of others1 beseeching him to breathe upon him his spirit of love1 recommended so much in his word1 but more in his actions1 and to inflame him with this sacred fire which he hath kindled in his church1 that he might be wholly consumed with it4 ,he consulted him in all his doubts concerning it1 begging him to inspire what1 and how1 and when1 he should speak and act for the good of his neighbour2 and that in him and by him it might all be done4 99#e4 ,he looked upon men not according to their natural qualities1 their beauty1 nobility1 riches1 or worldly distinctions1 but according to their more noble relations1 and those common to all1 viz4 ,as creatures divine1 the lively images of ,god1 formed to praise and love him to all eternity2 as purpled in the blood of ,jesus1 brothers and co-heirs with him1 his inheritance bought with the price of his life1 and a thousand pangs1 and who therefore must be infinitely dear unto him1 and most tenderly beloved of him4 99,in this capacity it was that he beheld men1 and applied to their necessities4 ,and hereby as he was highly useful to his neighbour1 so he did not prejudice but greatly advantage himself4 ,he looked upon ,god and ,christ in every man4 ,he considered1 it was they that demanded succour of him4 ,and while he was performing with all his might whatever was necessary for the soul and body of the least of his brethren believed verily it was ,god and ,christ to whom he rendered that assistance4 ,and the same thought should all make use of1 who would benefit their neighbour1 without prejudice to themselves1 otherwise1 a man shall sooner lose his own soul1 than lead another to ,god4 #g4 ,the charity of this man of ,god1 built on these foundations1 was so enlarged1 that it seemed to have no bounds2 in that he loved not only all ,christians1 but all men1 without excepting any4 ,thy commandment1 says ,david1 is exceeding broad2 the same dimensions had his charity2 embracing the present and absent1 domestics and strangers1 friends and enemies1 good and bad2 esteeming all according to their degree1 speaking 7as he could7 well of all1 doing good to all1 and ill to none4 #h4 ,there was not any considerable good work of a public nature1 done at ,paris1 or within a great distance of it1 wherein he had not a great share4 ,there was no undertaking there1 tending to the honour of ,god or good of men1 of which he was not either the author1 or promoter1 or finisher1 and very often all these together4 ,he was one at all the meetings of piety2 and of many the very soul4 ,he kept correspondence throughout the whole kingdom1 concerning works of charity1 receiving letters from all parts1 desiring his advice in all difficulties that occurred1 in the erecting or perfecting hospitals1 seminaries of religion1 and fraternities of virtuous persons1 associating together for the better applying themselves to their own and others salvation1 and the managing all sorts of good works4 #i4 ,from ,caen one writes of him thus3 8,m4 de ,renty was our support and refuge in the execution of all our designs1 relating to the service of ,god1 the saving of souls1 and the relief of the poor and distressed4 ,to him we continually wrote1 and from him we received counsel and succour on all occasions4 ,nor have we met with any since his death to whom we could have the like recourse in the things of ,god40 ,another from ,dijon writes thus3 8,we cannot but acknowledge the great benefit this province has received from ,m4 de ,renty4 ,wherever he came he hath wonderfully advanced all works of piety4 ,we may truly say1 that his days were filled with the fulness of ,god4 ,nor do we believe he lost one minute of time1 in which he did not either speak or act something for his service40 #aj4 ,he applied himself to the necessities of the ,english1 the ,irish1 the captives in ,barbary1 and of the missions into the ,levant2 took great pains for the support of the hospital at ,marseilles2 laboured much for the relief of galley-slaves1 and contributed much to the advancing the affairs of ,new ,france in ,america4 ,he had a design likewise to purge all trades and manufactures from the corruptions which had grown upon them1 so that men might live upon them like ,christians2 which thing he begun and perfected in two of them4 #aa4 ,the scripture he most studied1 next the life of our blessed ,saviour1 to qualify himself for all good works1 was ,st4 ,paul's description of charity1 in the #acth chapter of his first epistle to the ,corinthians4 ,and whosoever is exercised in the virtues there described1 will not run in vain1 nor labour in vain4 99,indeed the more any one is animated with this spirit1 the more shall he advance holiness in others4 ,yea1 though his words be few and ordinary4 ,for our words do not derive their force from the mouth that speaks1 but from the disposition of the heart1 and the power of the spirit that dwells there4 #ab4 ,to qualify himself to be more extensively useful to his neighbour ,m4 de ,renty1 to the natural abilities ,god had given him1 and to the learning he had acquired in his youth1 had by his industry added several smaller parts of knowledge3 and that not only for his own use1 but to teach them to others1 whereby to help themselves4 ,yea1 he abased himself to learn the meanest skill1 which might be any way useful to his neighbour4 ,one day in ,paris he carried a friend with him to a poor man1 who got his living by making wicker-baskets4 ,he there finished a basket which he had begun some days before1 with design as soon as he had learned it1 to teach some poor people in the country to make them1 to help to get their living4 ,he then left the basket with the poor man1 and a piece of money for teaching him4 #ac4 ,indeed he took upon him all shapes1 transformed himself into all figures1 condescended to all things for the good of his neighbour3 all his thoughts1 words and actions1 being wholly cast in the mould of charity3 99,which made him say one day1 8,methinks my soul is all charity1 and ,i am not able to express with what ardour and strange expansion my heart is renewed in the divine life of my ,saviour1 burning in love to all mankind40 ,,section ,,ii4 ,his charity to the poor4 99#a4 ,,with regard to the poor1 ,m4 de ,renty's thoughts stayed not on their habit or outward appearance2 but passing further1 he beheld under these1 with the eye of faith1 ,jesus ,christ present and dwelling in them4 ,and as he burned with an ardent affection to our ,lord1 so he loved them tenderly1 succoured them with all his might1 and left nothing unattempted for their sakes4 ,and with these eyes1 not those of nature1 must every one behold the poor1 that will love them indeed1 and have bowels of compassion for them4 #b4 ,from the year #afda1 he invited to dinner two poor men twice a week1 on ,tuesdays and ,fridays4 ,but increase of business obliged him five or six years after to reduce it to one day1 commonly ,thursday2 when he invited three2 and willing to join spiritual alms to corporal1 he sought out such as seemed most to need instruction4 ,to this end1 while at ,paris1 after his morning devotions1 he went to ,st4 ,anthony's gate1 and took such as were newly arrived1 whom courteously saluting1 he brought home 7in winter to the fire7 made them sit down1 and with a cordial affection1 which appeared in his whole behaviour1 instructed them in the chief points of ,christianity4 ,while they sat at table1 he served them himself1 setting before them with his own hands the dishes brought in by his servants and children4 ,after dinner1 he waited on them himself to the gate1 and dismissed them with an alms4 ,this he continued to his death1 and when he could not do it in person1 his lady did the same to so many poor women4 #c4 ,besides many other charities at his own house1 he endeavoured the general relief of all the poor in ,paris1 and the parts adjacent2 busied himself to understand their wants1 studied ways of redress1 and carefully pursued them4 ,what he could not accomplish himself1 he commended to others1 spake for them1 begged for them1 bought necessaries for them2 laboured to establish settled courses of living for men and children that were destitute1 and when he could not at present provide for them abroad1 maintained them at his own house till he could4 #d4 ,he was the first that motioned some relief for the poor ,english1 driven by persecution out their own country4 ,he engaged persons of quality in the purchasing of lands for their subsistence4 ,when it was done1 himself undertook the charge of distributing one part of this charity4 ,this he performed1 monthly1 going to them a foot1 and commonly alone entering their chamber1 he saluted them with all tenderness and respect1 and gave them their allowance wrapt up in a paper4 99#e4 ,in all his visits to the poor1 after a general survey of their wants1 he examined in particular as well their spiritual as bodily necessities2 and endeavoured in the first place to mark their inclinations1 their passions1 their ill habits2 what vices were predominant in them1 and what were their chief infirmities3 that like a prudent physician he might apply fit remedies1 and teach them how to make the true use of their poverty4 #f4 ,as to their temporal necessities1 he considered the capacity1 industry1 trade or employment of each3 for tradesmen1 he considered what tools or materials were necessary to set them to work4 ,these he provided1 either redeeming their own1 or buying new4 ,he then gave them provisions for two or three days1 and provided them work not only for themselves1 but also for their wives and children4 ,afterwards he bought some of their work1 which he bestowed in alms upon others1 and took orders for the quick sale of the rest1 coming to them from time to time to see if all went well1 and encourage them to take pains4 supplied missing word 8to0 #g4 ,to these we may add1 his charity to poor prisoners1 whom he visited1 comforted1 and relieved1 and when he found it expedient for them1 7which he always first considered7 used all means for their enlargement4 #h4 ,there was in ,low-,normandy1 one who had been a prisoner for several years1 and tho' innocent1 was in great extremity4 ,many had endeavoured his release but without success1 because of a powerful adversary4 ,the thing being commended to ,m4 de ,renty1 after a just information of the case1 he committed the prosecution of it to his own advocate1 made a report of it to the council1 and went frequently in person to sollicit it4 #i4 ,but notwithstanding1 perceiving the poor man's cause to hang long1 he changed his purpose1 and writ to his adversary1 offering1 if the business might be referred to him1 to take a journey into ,normandy immediately4 ,when he came to the town1 he went directly to the prison1 and after an exhortation to the prisoners1 seconded by his alms1 he told the poor man his design1 and exhorted him to pray to ,god for a blessing on his endeavours1 and to rest in hope that by some means or other he should shortly be delivered4 #aj4 ,he then went to the other's house2 whence he returned to the prison for information on some difficulties that occurred4 ,finding all the prisoners together at their usual devotions1 he waited till they had done4 ,having then received information1 he went back to the other1 with whom he came to such an agreement1 that this poor man1 after a world of misery1 during nine years imprisonment1 was at length set at liberty4 ,he maintained him eight days at his own house1 advising and exhorting him every evening3 and at his departure persuaded him to go and see his 7former7 adversary2 whom he now found as tractable and friendly1 as before he had been severe4 ,,section ,,iii4 ,his charity to the sick4 #a4 ,,if his charity to the poor was thus great1 it was still greater to such poor as were sick4 ,he was not content to assist these in one or two ways2 but they found in him1 and often in one visit1 a benefactor1 a physician1 apothecary1 surgeon1 a pastor1 friend and servant4 #b4 ,in the year #afda1 he learned to let blood1 and several parts of surgery4 ,he acquainted himself likewise with the manner of making up most sorts of medicines2 and he consulted with a physician1 by whom he was instructed in the principal parts of the art of physic4 ,whenever he went abroad1 he had with him a surgeon's box1 and powders for the cure of most ordinary diseases2 which he used with great dexterity1 and with equal prudence1 never advancing beyond his knowledge4 #c4 ,in his visits to the sick1 he never shunned any service necessary for them1 and in his power to perform2 as making their beds1 helping them to bed1 making their fire1 setting in order their little houshold-stuff2 hoping thereby to win upon their affections1 and draw them to ,god with more facility4 8shuned0 replaced with 8shunned0 #d4 ,in every family he took an opportunity to enquire whether ,god was served there8 ,and whether any quarrels or differences were among them1 which he took care to make up without delay4 ,and he never left any without providing for all their necessities1 which he took notice of with incredible diligence1 sweetness1 and respect2 dispensing with other business1 that he might have time to hear all their complaints4 #e4 ,neither did he only visit the sick1 but they also sought him1 and would find him out wheresoever he came1 if they were able to go abroad4 ,the sick1 the weak1 the lame1 or otherwise infirm1 flocked to him from all quarters3 he might often be seen encompassed with them2 some requesting his medicines1 some his alms1 some his counsel4 ,he treated all1 as a true disciple of his great master1 with the like diffusive charity2 and stood in the midst of them with the like goodness and patience1 endeavouring to do good1 and to minister comfort to all4 #f4 ,nor did his charity decline the care of those diseases which nature cannot behold without horror and aversion4 ,during his stay at ,dijon1 he was informed of one1 who having been among a company of soldiers1 was left by them in so noisome a condition1 that none would come near her1 and the person where she lodged was going to turn her out of doors4 ,he went instantly to the house1 perswaded them to keep her there1 and hired a woman to attend her4 ,then he provided her proper physic and nourishment1 which he brought her with his own hands3 in the mean time1 reading to her every day1 instructing and comforting her4 ,by this means he at length not only retrieved her from the jaws of death1 but induced her to spend the rest of her life in a virtuous and ,christian manner4 ,,section ,,iv4 ,his zeal for the salvation of his neighbour4 #a4 ,m4 de ,renty being continually inflamed with the love of ,god1 incessantly sought always1 and used all means to make him more known and loved by all men1 both here and eternally4 ,and this his zeal had no bounds2 it extended not only to all ,france1 but to all the world2 insomuch that he said to an intimate friend1 8,i am ready to serve all men1 not excepting one1 and to lay down my life for any one40 ,he earnestly desired to enlighten with the knowledge of ,god1 and inflame with his love1 the whole world2 of which ,paris being as it were an epitome1 he went through all the quarters and streets of that vast city1 searching out what he could remove or bring in1 for the glory of ,god1 and salvation of souls4 ,and the same spirit which moved him hereto1 blest his endeavours to rectify what was amiss1 and to strengthen what was right4 99,this he did in so many several ways1 as a man would think it impossible3 but what cannot a man do that is zealous1 disinterested1 and full of ,god8 #b4 ,he performed what possibly he could in his own person1 not sparing any pains1 nor losing one moment3 and where his power fell short1 he engaged others3 and in all places he laboured1 as much as in him lay1 to induce such as desired to follow ,christ1 to join together1 and assist one another in working out both their own and their neighbour's salvation4 ,many such societies he established at ,caen1 at ,amiens1 at ,dijon1 and in several parts of ,burgundy2 whose endeavours being animated by a true zeal for ,god1 were blessed with unexpected success4 8,amines0 replaced with 8,amiens0 #c4 ,to arm one who was thus engaged1 against the difficulties he met with1 he writ to him thus3 8,i am very sensible of the present storms that you endure2 though there is no reason why men should alarm you thus1 seeing they have no cause of reproach from your design1 nor have you done any thing against the gospel3 yet ,i do not wonder at these crosses4 ',tis sufficient to know that you desire to follow ,jesus ,christ3 therefore you must reckon contradiction to be your portion in these days of your flesh4 ,only be firm in your confidence in our ,lord1 suffering none of these storms to trouble you1 or to obscure that light which hath moved you to1 and guarded you in this business4 ,god deliver you from the reasonings of flesh and blood1 which at such times are apt to multiply upon us3 be assured1 that if you hearken not to them1 ,god will manifest himself unto you2 he will comfort and fortify you in faith1 and in experience of the gift of his holy ,spirit40 #d4 ,to another he writ thus3 8,blessed for ever be the ,holy ,jesus1 for the good beginning of those you mention4 ,if the other had a little more courage to break her fetters1 it would be a great step3 and surely there needs not so much deliberation to give up ourselves to him1 although he be to the ,jews a stumbling-block1 and to the ,greeks foolishness4 ,not that ,god hath any need of our good parts or excellent qualities1 who commonly confounds the wisdom of the wise1 by little things which he chuseth4 ,blessed be that littleness which is accounted weakness1 and yet overthroweth all the power and prudence of the world40 99#e4 ,we mentioned before his endeavour to reform trades from the abuses and corruptions which1 in process of time1 they had contracted1 and to sanctify them1 that some at least in each might live like the primitive ,christians1 in common2 deducting from their flock only their necessary maintenance1 and bestowing the rest on the poor4 ,and1 at length1 he in part effected it2 so that there are now two companies in ,paris1 one of taylors1 the other of shoemakers1 and of these in several quarters of the city1 7and the like there are at ,thoulouse7 who live in community2 rising1 eating1 working and praying together morning and evening3 calling each other brothers1 and living together in the strictest unity and concord4 #f4 ,passing one day by the hospital of ,st4 ,gervase1 and hearing it was devoted to the lodging of poor travellers1 he desired leave of the superior to instruct them1 in the evening when they were met together4 ,and this he did from that time1 every night1 coming thither on foot1 and commonly alone1 summer and winter4 ,after instructing them1 he joined with them in prayer1 which he concluded with his alms4 ,and this he continued many years1 till some ,churchmen1 moved by his example1 undertook that work1 which they continue to this day4 8where0 replaced with 8were0 99#g4 ,his tenderness of heart to these poor people was exceeding great1 joined with such humility as cannot easily be expressed4 ,when he met any one at the hospital1 he saluted him with great respect1 put him before him1 and talked with him bare-headed4 ,if any kneeled to him1 he did the like to them1 and continued on his knees till they rose first4 ,one of them observing him diligently1 and knowing him to be the ,lord of the place where he himself lived1 was deeply affected at the sight1 and came and fell at his feet3 ,m4 de ,renty did the like to him1 and continued in that posture a long time1 resolving not to rise before the poor man4 99#h4 ,going one day to visit the holy place of ,monmatre1 after his prayers said in the church1 he retired into a desolate part of the mountain1 near a little spring4 ,there he kneeled down to prayer1 and that ended1 dined on a piece of bread and a draught of water4 ,after dinner he took out his testament1 and read a chapter on his knees1 bare-headed1 with extraordinary reverence4 ,just then came a poor man1 saying his prayers4 ,m4 de ,renty rose up to salute him1 and fell into a discourse with him concerning ,god1 and that so powerfully1 that the poor man striking his breast1 fell down upon the ground to adore that great ,god4 ,immediately after1 came a poor maid to draw water at the well1 whom he asked1 ,what she was8 ,she answered1 a servant1 8,but do you know1 said he1 you are a ,christian1 and to what end you was created80 ,whence he took occasion so to instruct her1 that confessing she had never before thought of the end of her creation1 she promised from thenceforth deeply to consider1 and seriously to pursue it4 #i4 ,in his first return from ,dijon1 he stopped three or four times in the way1 to instruct the poor passengers2 and once went out of the road1 to shew some labourers in the field1 how to sanctify the work they were about4 #aj4 ,a young maid in ,paris1 having been very cruelly used by her uncle1 fell into such a disorder1 that in a fury she accused our ,saviour as the cause of her misery1 for abandoning her to such a man4 ,in this horrible condition1 she received the sacrament several times in a day2 on purpose to do despight to our ,saviour1 and provoke him to finish her destruction4 ,m4 de ,renty was no sooner informed of this1 than he hasted to find her out2 as he did1 after eight days search1 in the very act of communicating4 ,he immediately conveyed her thence1 and took so great care both of her soul and body1 that she returned to herself1 and gave ample testimonies of her repentance4 #aa4 ,as the design of advancing the salvation of men1 is attended with much doing and much suffering1 it is necessary for him that undertakes it1 to fortify himself with courage and patience2 and both these were most eminently in ,m4 de ,renty1 being1 in the first place1 full of courage1 resolute1 and laborious2 employing his body as if he had two more in reserve when that was spent2 dispatching more business in one half-hour1 than others did in many days4 ,very bold he was in entering upon difficulties1 and quick in extricating himself from them4 #ab4 ,a lady who had left much to pious uses1 made him her executor4 ,being informed1 her friends1 men of eminent power1 were much displeased1 he replied1 8,i never moved her to bestow any of her estate this way2 but since her piety has prompted her to it1 ,i shall not be dismayed with any power that shall oppose it3 my care is to perform her will1 and for other things ,i take no thought40 #ac4 ,seeing one day some gentlemen fighting1 he threw himself between their swords1 laying hold on those who seemed most outrageous4 ,at first they quarrelled with him2 but in a short time were friends1 both with him1 and with one another4 99#ad4 ,his zeal was accompanied1 secondly1 with unparalleled patience2 a virtue highly requisite for him that would save the souls of men2 seeing he must endeavour to win their hearts1 at which he is to make his first entrance2 not following his own will or inclinations1 but theirs2 becoming all things to all men2 waiting long for their conversion1 and attending 7without being tired and discouraged1 though by all his labour he should gain but little ground7 the favourable moments wherein they may yield to his motives4 ,he must1 like this holy man1 not only be willing to endure hunger1 thirst1 heat1 cold1 wet1 weariness and other outward pains1 inseparably attendant on employments of this nature2 but also the importunities1 complaints1 passions1 the repulses1 the contempts and injuries that are continually to be expected in them4 #ae4 ,while he was employed in instructing the poor travellers in the hospital of ,st4 ,gervase1 a man who was settled there1 looking upon it as an intrusion into his office1 came to him1 as he was in the midst of the poor1 and with many injurious and reproachful words1 forbad him to come any more4 ,m4 de ,renty having heard him without any emotion1 replied1 8,the poor people had much need of instruction2 and since he would not be at the pains of it himself1 he prayed him not to hinder one that would40 ,this did not satisfy him at all1 but he came four days together to drive out ,m4 de ,renty1 interrupting him as soon as he began2 but he still received him with the same spirit1 and at length overcame evil with good4 #af4 ,one day he visited a person who1 from a groundless suspicion1 had cruelly used his wife2 who understanding his business1 entertained him very coarsely1 giving him much opprobrious language1 lifting up his hand to strike him1 and offering to thrust him out of doors4 ,m4 de ,renty replied not one word1 but after some time1 drew near again1 embraced him1 and accosted him with such soft language1 that he was perswaded1 at length1 to go to confession1 which he had not done in twelve years before1 and to be fully reconciled to his wife2 insomuch that he lived and died a good ,christian4 #ag4 ,another time1 visiting a poor1 old man that was sick1 he began1 as usual1 to speak of spiritual things4 ,but the old man1 instead of listning1 fell into a passion1 telling him1 he understood those things better than he4 ,m4 de ,renty told him1 he would be glad to be instructed2 and after a great deal of patience1 and attention1 taking advantage from some things in that weak discourse1 to convince and inform him better1 he proceeded so happily1 that the rest of his days he led a truly ,christian life4 #ah4 ,his patience in bearing with the faults and imperfections of others1 as it was truly exemplary1 so it never took away1 or weakened his desire to correct them1 for which he only waited a proper occasion4 ,when he intended to reprove another1 he commonly first accused himself1 to prepare them by his example4 ,having such an intention1 he began a discourse of that openness with which ,christians ought to tell one another the truth2 for want of which we grow grey in our vices1 and often carry them with us to our graves2 saying1 8,he should hold himself extremely obliged to any who would shew him that kindness4 ,his friend finding his heart exceedingly softened1 besought him to deal freely and plainly with him1 in telling him whatsoever he saw amiss in him2 which thing then he did40 8extreamly0 replaced with 8extremely0 99#ai4 ,but his patience did not in the least break in upon that fortitude1 which is often requisite in the things of ,god1 for the good of our neighbour1 and for the worthy preserving of our just authority4 ,he knew severity must be used sometimes1 especially when we have to do with stubborn offenders2 and accordingly advised a friend1 concerning a third person1 8,take heed of humbling yourself before that man2 the abasing yourself in this case1 would both prejudice him1 and the cause of ,god4 ,reprove him severely and roundly40 #bj4 ,and not in these instances only1 but in all others1 his zeal was accompanied both with freedom and prudence4 ,for though his humility has concealed many of his inward graces and outward actions1 yet many likewise has his zeal brought to light1 where he judged it necessary for the glory of ,god1 or the good of his neighbour3 concerning which he thus wrote to a virtuous lady3 8,give me leave to speak my thoughts of that liberty we ought to use1 in communicating freely the gifts of ,god bestowed upon us1 to such persons as may reap fruit from them2 not stifling them in ourselves1 whereby we obstruct a second fruit1 which ,god expects from his graces4 99,we should consider ourselves set in the world as a chrystal1 which1 placed in the middle of the universe1 would give free passage to all the light which it receives from above3 so ought we to impart all the talents we receive1 and this without disguise1 or the least claim of propriety4 998,farther3 as the chrystal1 if several torches were set under it1 would transmit the beams of them all towards heaven3 so whatever honours or commendations we receive from below1 should freely pass through us up to ,god2 for ,god hath therefore bestowed upon us such things as are praise-worthy1 not that the praise thereof should rest upon us1 but that it may pass through us to him1 that he may be blessed and praised in all things40 inserted skipped word 8be0 #ba4 ,yet his zeal1 though free1 was not so indiscreet1 as to be its own herald upon every appearance of doing good2 but was very circumspect in weighing all circumstances4 ,accordingly1 in the same letter1 he gives this wise advice1 touching the order and measure which are necessary to be observed in this communication4 8,to some1 we must lay open our hearts freely and exactly2 to others more reservedly2 to others we should be altogether locked up1 concealing from them what we see no disposition in them to make a good use of40 99#bb4 ,zeal indeed should be always attended with prudence1 to consider things well1 and execute them in the best manner2 to prevent mischiefs1 or redress them with as much of sweetness1 and as little acrimony as possible3 and in desperate cases1 or where the cure would prove worse than the disease1 to suffer and pass them over2 some souls having defects1 as it were1 incorrigible1 which ,god permits to perfect them by humility2 and others likewise1 that have an intercourse with them1 by patience and charity4 99#bc4 ,one great point of prudence requisite in a zealous man1 is1 neither to hurt his body by too much labour1 nor his mind with too much business4 ,as to the latter of these1 ,m4 de ,renty took especial care1 so to manage all his works of charity1 that his piety might not be hindered but advanced thereby1 indispensably performing all his exercises of devotion2 and while he conversed most with his neighbour1 reserving a considerable part1 both of the day and night1 for conversing with ,god4 ,as to the other1 he thus expressed himself to a clergyman1 who had impaired his health by extreme labour3 8,give me leave1 ,sir1 to tell you plainly1 that you should not impose too much upon yourself1 lest for want of moderation1 you render yourself altogether unserviceable4 ,the enemy usually takes no small advantage of such free and well-disposed natures2 you are not your own1 but a debtor to all men4 ,preserve yourself therefore1 not by indulging your body1 but by laying upon it no more than it is able to bear40 #bd4 ,being at ,citry1 in the latter end of the year #afdb1 he had a strong impression upon his spirit1 that at his return to ,paris1 he should find a new employment about the poor1 and be much taken up therein4 ,accordingly1 two days after his return thither1 some persons came to advise with him1 about a course of relieving all such poor in the city1 as were ashamed to beg4 ,he undertook to visit a fourth part of them1 and to assist them according to their necessities4 ,an employment sufficient to take up the whole time of one man1 which yet he performed1 notwithstanding the multitude of his other occupations2 so that we must say1 without a special assistance1 he could not have done and suffered what he did2 but ,god1 who hath limited our strength of body1 can increase it when and how he pleaseth4 #be4 ,sometimes he received before-hand only a present impulse of something to be done1 without any particular discovery4 ,as when he was much pressed in spirit to go to ,pontois1 without understanding any reason for it2 yet1 believing it to be the call of ,god1 he immediately undertook the journey2 where unexpectedly he met with a nobleman of great quality1 who was come from a province far distant1 on purpose to be instructed by ,m4 de ,renty1 how to serve ,god1 which he had1 till then1 little known1 and less practised4 #bf4 ,but though this great servant of ,god had an excellent faculty of assisting all1 yet was he more eminently assistant to some particular persons1 for the healing their souls1 and leading them on apace in the narrow way of perfection4 ,i shall mention one only1 the ,countess of ,chatres1 who being deep in the affections of the world1 as are most young ladies of her quality1 it pleased ,god to inspire her with a desire to ask advice of ,m4 de ,renty2 this he gave her with so happy success1 that he himself was astonished at it4 ,in less than a year1 she was so perfectly disengaged from all those little conveniences and accommodations1 which our ladies perswade themselves are absolutely necessary1 that one offering her something of this kind1 which she was formerly fond of1 she answered1 8,i thank ,god1 ,i have quitted this1 and many more things1 for the love of ,god1 and yet find no want at all40 #bg4 ,god gave him light to discern her proper way1 how to renounce herself1 and advance in the paths of solid virtue1 and to support her in great inward afflictions4 ,and she1 on her part1 resigned up herself to his guidance1 and forced herself to put his advice in execution3 a thing very requisite in those who would make use of the conduct of others to good purpose4 99#bh4 ,though this happy intercourse1 accompanied with such signal blessings1 had contracted a strict and perfect friendship between them1 yet he was very wary and reserved in his conversation with her2 visiting her only when the work of ,god required it1 and neither speaking nor staying with her any longer than was precisely necessary4 ,this she thought a little harsh1 and complained of it to a friend1 whom she knew to have some power with him1 saying1 8,m4 de ,renty extremely mortifies me with his civilities and reservedness4 ,i have great need to see him often1 and yet cannot obtain it4 ,nay1 when we are together1 he will not sit down1 except when ,i am sick1 or not able to stand any longer2 and always with his hat in his hand4 ,i beg you to tell him1 what out of respect ,i dare not1 what inquietude ,i suffer1 to see his behaviour such toward me1 who ought to be continually under his feet40 ,the person acquainting him with this1 he answered1 8,i proceed in this manner because my duty to ,god and to the ,countess of ,chatres require it4 ,my ,saviour obliges me to converse with her2 but ,i must do no more than what is necessary1 and so retire1 for which this posture is most convenient4 ,if we sat down1 we should forget ourselves1 and talk more than is necessary1 and perhaps pass on to things unprofitable3 therefore we ought both to stand upon our guard40 #bi4 ,those who undertake the conduct of souls1 ought seriously to consider this answer2 and to be fully persuaded1 that the business does not consist in speaking much to them1 but in disposing them to speak to ,god1 and in making them fit for ,god to speak to them4 #cj4 ,in the year #afdg1 having visited one afflicted with great pains1 he thus writ to his director3 8,i have been with the person you know of1 and have told her what ,i thought suitable to her condition4 ,i acquainted her how we ought to lay this sure foundation1 that we are nothing but weakness and misery itself2 and that ,god from this insufficiency of ourselves to all good1 means to extract humility and diffidence of ourselves1 obliging us thereby to fly to his ,son1 to find strength in ,him1 and a remedy for all our miseries4 8,as concerning myself1 ,i have not much to say4 ,only ,i find within myself1 by the mercy of ,god1 a great tranquility in his presence1 through the ,spirit of ,jesus ,christ1 and such an inward experience of eternal life1 as ,i am not able to express4 ,yet ,i find myself1 so naked and barren that ,i wonder at the condition ,i am in1 and by which ,i discourse4 ,in my converse with this person1 ,i begun my speech1 not knowing how to pursue it4 ,after the second sentence ,i had not the least foresight of what should be the third2 and so of the rest4 ,not but that ,i seem to have a perfect knowledge of the things ,i speak1 in such a manner as ,i am capable of it4 ,but ,i only utter what is given me1 and in the same way as it is communicated1 ,i communicate it to others40 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,his outward behaviour1 and conduct of business4 #a4 ,m4 de ,renty being sensible1 that even our outward behaviour is of great consequence in the service of our neighbour1 being that which makes the first impression upon them1 did whatever he could for the well composing his exterior1 keeping his gestures1 motions1 looks1 and all parts of his conversation in such a harmony1 as he judged fitted to draw his neighbour to ,god4 99#b4 ,he was very modest1 always calm and inviolably equal4 8,among all the things ,i observed in ,m4 de ,renty1 7says one of his intimate friends7 what first affected me was1 his rare modesty and great evenness of behaviour4 ,there was something in his looks which carried so much reverence in it one might easily judge1 he was always actually in the presence of ,god40 #c4 ,in every condition or employment whatsoever1 he was the same in his looks1 gestures1 words and actions1 whether alone or in company1 with rich or poor1 strangers or friends1 before his children or servants1 yea even before his footman1 in the country or town1 at the table1 and every where4 #d4 ,and such a constant equality was the more observable1 because of his natural disposition1 which was not slow1 heavy and phlegmatick1 but cholerick1 hot and active4 ,but the exact and perpetual care he had over himself1 had wholly inverted his nature1 and brought him to a behaviour1 as well as temper1 directly opposite to those he took from his mother's womb4 #e4 ,another of his friends writes of him thus3 8,that which pleased me most in him was1 ,his great recollection and intimate union with ,god3 attended with such a wonderful peace of mind1 as shone forth in his countenance1 and begot a kind of devotion in his beholders4 ,this union1 methought1 was ever the same1 without any sign of distraction or levity1 or any word not necessary1 no complaisance or human regard ever forcing him to scatter his spirit4 ,not but he was full of civility2 but still so as to look more within himself than without40 duplicate word 8a0 removed #f4 ,and indeed this continual presence of ,god1 so wholly took up his spirit1 that no unusual accident or object1 or any thing rare or extraordinary could divert him4 ,i never saw him admire any thing in the world1 nor fix his eyes upon any curiosity whatever4 ,and his gait in the streets was so recollected1 modest and equal1 without gazing on any thing1 that a man might see ,jesus ,christ was his way1 his employment1 and his all4 8eys0 replaced with 8eyes0 #g4 ,in his speech he was very resolved1 by choice as well as by nature4 ,in whatever company it concerned him to speak1 he did so in his course1 with a composed demeanor1 and words few1 but material4 ,he was never known forward or eager to speak1 or in speaking to do it with a higher tone than ordinary4 ,if he gave an account of any business1 he did it so briefly1 and in words so pertinent1 that it was a very hard matter to find one that spoke better1 and yet less than he4 #h4 ,things that were unprofitable1 or the news of the times1 were never the subject of his discourse3 but always something pertaining to the kingdom of ,god4 ,and when the conversation was diverted to worldly things1 he either took leave of the company or stole away without4 #i4 ,and when he talked even of good things1 it was with care and moderation3 saying1 8,there was much need of sparingness and sobriety1 when we speak even of the things of ,god1 lest it turn to no good account3 and that it was a great trouble to him1 when among serious persons to hear them often spend precious time in talking of virtue at large1 and to find them departing from such conferences1 with dry1 empty1 and dissipated spirits40 #aj4 ,as to conduct of business1 his method was1 seriously to consider things1 before any resolution1 and if after his own sense was given1 he found another's to be better he readily quitted his own4 ,after he had resolved1 he was prompt1 firm1 and constant in the execution of it4 ,but sometimes1 when he had gone through the difficulties of a design1 he left it to a friend to finish2 not out of inconstancy1 but to gain time for undertaking more1 as well as to avoid the honour of it4 #aa4 ,in all affairs that concerned the service of ,god1 he had an immoveable constancy4 ,and besides the force of his words1 there appeared in his face an extraordinary assurance1 7though his ordinary deportment was always sweet and quiet7 which particularly appeared in all meetings1 whereby he manifested such a spirit that those who beheld him1 felt themselves struck with awful regard4 ,his proposals generally carried so much light and force in them1 that all were constrained to acquiesce in his determination4 ,but if any disputed his reasons he knew how to enforce them2 and if they chanced to make another reply1 7which was a thing that exceeding rarely happened7 he said not one word more1 but his very silence1 and the steadiness of his countenance1 restrained any further dispute4 ,the meeting ended1 he would go to that person and ask his pardon2 informing him1 8,that what he aimed at1 was1 not to make good his opinion but to advance the cause of ,god2 in all other things he was ready to yield to every one40 99#ab4 ,but of all things he took care1 not to overcharge himself with business1 to the prejudice of his piety4 ,he knew that outward employments1 even the most holy1 may be hindrances to inward holiness4 ,wherefore he was careful not to overburden himself with them1 and very vigilant1 that they should not distract and dissipate him1 nor secularize his soul1 but serve only as means to elevate and unite him more to ,god4 99#ac4 ,and ,god so blessed him therein1 that in the multitude of business1 he was still in a continual recollection4 ,a familiar friend asking him1 ,whether in that throng of employments1 he observed his usual two hours of prayer2 he answered1 8,when ,i can1 ,i keep three hours1 sometimes four or five2 but when occasion offers to serve my neighbour1 ,i easily quit them1 for ,god of his mercy hath given me the grace1 to be inseparably with him1 even in the crowd of business40 ,to the same purpose he writ to his director2 8,i continue my devotion out of the time and place of prayer1 even in the midst of converse and business3 and ,i tell you sincerely1 tho' ,i perform every thing so ill1 yet ,i find little difference of times for prayer1 being recollected continually40 ,and the same might be gathered 7as was observed before7 from his modesty and composed countenance1 clearly evidencing1 that his soul was wholly and constantly in application to ,god1 from whom he drew light and strength1 for the conduct of all his business4 ,of which he thus wrote to his director2 8,my recollection hinders no business at all1 but furthers it4 ,without it ,i should have a sollicitous desire of doing all myself3 whereas ,i now act in a most calm way1 in which ,i have no share2 for it is our ,lord that doth all40 ,in another letter thus2 8,finding myself one day much burthened with variety of businesses1 ,i had a desire to draw off my mind wholly2 and at the same instant it was done4 ,since that time they create me no trouble1 and ,i dispatch them more readily without thinking of them4 ,this grace hath been often renewed in me1 7although in several manners7 which ,i acknowledge to be very great1 because it preserves me disengaged1 even in the multiplicity of business40 99#ad4 ,if after he had done his part1 any design miscarried1 he rested well satisfied4 ,on such an occasion he thus writ to a friend2 8,we may take up good designs1 and ,god often inspires them2 yet when he is pleased to permit a contrary event1 we must adore his secret will1 which brings more of mercy in the crossing of them1 than if they had succeeded4 ,we should always be jealous over our spirit1 that it fix not upon any thing40 ,and again1 8,our ,lord has his designs1 which he effects by such means as we would not at all make choice of3 ,the reason is1 because he would break our wills1 and abate our dependencies upon earth4 ,therefore he often crosses our best undertakings1 being more jealous of the sacrifice of our hearts1 than any thing else1 how specious so ever40 #ae4 ,i cannot better conclude this chapter1 than with a letter writ to his director on this subject3 8,for these three or four months ,i have been1 as it were1 continually employed in outward works2 as removing from place to place1 new building a church1 taking care of the sick1 reconciling differences1 conferring with all sorts of people4 ,yesterday hearing those words of the gospel read1 #8,thou art troubled about many things1' it was said to my heart1 #8,thou art not troubled about many things1' giving me to understand1 that the things we are employed upon1 according to the will of ,god1 do not create us that trouble2 and that ,martha was not reproved for doing the work1 but for doing it too sollicitously4 ,our ,saviour intimating to her1 that no business should be done with inordinate agitation of spirit4 ,since our great business is1 to hear the eternal word1 and act nothing with disturbance1 but all in peace by his ,spirit40 998,i received hereby a great support in the performance of these petty exterior offices1 and made no difficulty at all to yield myself up to this holily disordered divine order4 ,at the same time ,i enjoyed such a sensible impression of ,god1 yet excelling all sense1 that if ,i had been thrown like a bowl1 ,i could never have lost the sight of my ,god4 ,our ,lord turns this bowl in a strange manner1 even as it pleaseth him4 ,and these several turnings are all for the soul's advantage1 whereby she is fashioned for every occasion1 that she may do nothing for or by herself2 but all for ,god1 and according to him4 8,i see likewise that one whom ,god employs in these low affairs1 if he follow them with the same fidelity1 is as acceptable to ,god1 as one that is employed in the most noble functions4 ,will nothing please you but to convert worlds8 ,you shall be content to carry stones2 and sometimes to sit still and do nothing4 ,you are then to offer the sacrifice of patience4 ,and ,i believe it is a thousand times more rare1 to find a soul thus faithful in patience1 and content to do no more than ,god would have him1 than faithful in actions that appear abroad4 8,i have one word more to tell you2 which is1 that ,i am really ashamed and confounded1 that ,i do no more for ,god3 which indeed1 with the sense of my unfitness for any thing that is good1 would work me much torment1 did ,i not consider1 ,he is all-sufficient1 and doth with us as he pleaseth40 ,,chapter ,x4 ,of his death4 #a4 ,,on the #aath of ,april1 #afdi1 he found himself very ill1 and having concealed his sickness five days1 was then constrained to take his bed4 ,he endured great pains all over his body1 with which his mind too was so much affected1 that he profest1 if ,god had not assisted him against the ravings of his imagination1 he should have spoken more extravagancies than any madman4 8,there was much1 he said1 in such a condition to humble him4 ,but it was the duty of a sinner to honour ,god1 in all conditions wherein he should place him40 #b4 ,during these great pains and torments1 and during the whole course of his sickness1 his ordinary employment consisted in affectionate elevations of his soul to ,god1 in thoughts and words of blessing1 praise1 and submission to whatsoever was laid upon him1 and of meekness and perfect obedience to all that attended1 and had the care of him1 with such a humble and contented spirit1 that he thought all well done1 though sometimes it was otherwise4 #c4 ,his patience never gave way to any complaint4 ,and when his keeper1 who was of the hospital of charity1 with whom he had visited so many poor and sick1 importuned him to declare his pain1 998,o sister1 said he1 how does the love of ,god wipe away all pain8 ,the servants of ,god suffer nothing40 ,another friend asking1 if his pain was not great8 ,he answered1 no4 ,the other replied1 8,he thought it was40 8,it is true1 saith he1 that ,i am much clogged with my disease2 but ,i feel it not1 because ,i do not think of it40 #d4 ,being urged to take some sweet things1 he refused1 saying1 8,these make little for life or for death40 ,yet he refused not physic1 but took it with a chearful countenance1 though it was very bitter1 and he had a great difficulty in swallowing4 ,indeed when one told him of another medicine which had done great cures1 he answered1 8,patience is a sovereign remedy10 intimating his unwillingness to try it4 ,yet when it was brought1 he took it without any reluctance4 #e4 ,his sickness increasing more and more1 yet he never called for any thing to refresh him3 and when they had forced clean sheets upon his bed1 and a pillow1 which he had before refused1 he said1 8,lo6 ,here lies a gentleman at his ease40 99#f4 ,feeling some joy arise in him1 upon the sight of a person of his acquaintance1 with whom he had held a strict correspondence in spiritual things1 who came out of the country on purpose to visit him3 he immediately repeated thrice over1 with great fervour1 8,i desire nothing more but ,god40 #g4 ,reflecting on the poor1 the constant objects of his tenderest care1 he said to his lady1 8,i recommend the poor to you4 ,will not you have a great care of them8 ,you will perform it better than ,i4 ,fear nothing3 what you give to them1 will not lessen the rest40 #h4 ,the greatest part of the first week of his illness1 and some part of the second likewise1 was spent by him in works of mercy1 appointing of alms1 and giving orders for letters to be writ into several provinces1 about business of charity wherewith he stood charged1 and whereof he gave an exact account4 #i4 ,many persons of quality coming to visit him1 he received them with much civility1 but not without some concern1 because most of those visits drew on discourse of worldly things4 8,they come hither1 said he1 to talk philosophy2 of which ,i have no need40 ,and another time his expression was1 8,a ,christian should talk little40 99#aj4 ,a lady of great piety coming to visit him said1 8,sir1 ,i would with all my heart lay down my life to save yours40 ,he replied with a chearful look1 and eyes lifted up to heaven1 8,to die is not to be lost4 ,our conversation and union will hereafter be more near and intimate40 ,she said1 8,but1 ,sir1 if it pleased ,god to restore your health1 and continue you longer with us2 do not you desire it8 ,st4 ,martin desired to live upon these terms40 ,he answered1 8,o ,madam1 there is no comparison between a saint and a sinner6 ,the will of ,god be done40 #aa4 ,the third day of his sickness he desired his director might be sent for4 ,and being asked1 if he found himself worse8 ,he answered1 8,no2 but in a business of this consequence1 it is not safe to delay1 for fear of a surprizal1 the judgment and memory being both so subject to decay40 ,the next day he made his confession1 the day after he confessed again1 and almost every day till his death4 #ab4 ,the pastor of his parish having administered to him the ,holy ,communion1 and observing his deep silence1 not speaking one word2 but only with profound humility1 8,my ,god1 my ,god1 pardon me2 ,i am a great sinner60 ,he asked him the reason1 why he spake so little1 and did not apply himself to those who were well-pleased to hear him8 8,it is not fitting1 said he1 to speak in the presence of him whom ,i have received1 nor take up any room in those hearts1 which ought to be filled only with ,god40 ,he added1 998,my spirit is now applied to that joy1 which a creature ought to have1 to see himself upon the point of being re-united to his first principle1 and his last end40 #ac4 ,the same day after dinner1 one told him1 8,it was fit to use some diversion from his serious thoughts2 the physicians judging his disease to have much of melancholy in it40 ,to whom he replied1 8,i never had any joy comparable to that ,i have felt this day40 ,he asked him1 for what cause8 8,to think1 said he1 that ,i am going to be united with my ,god40 ,he added earnestly1 8,i desire to be dissolved1 and to be with ,christ4 ,the ,spirit and the bride say1 ,come2 and let him that heareth say1 ,come4 ,and he that thirsteth1 ,let him come4 ,behold ,i come quickly4 ,amen2 ,come ,lord ,jesus60 99#ad4 ,about noon1 he desired his window might be set open1 that he might behold the brightness of the day3 which being done1 he cried out1 8,o bright day of eternity6 ,how this sun-shine chears me6 ,helping me to meditate on that day1 which shall never have night60 99#ae4 ,the more his sickness increased1 the more he strove to unite himself to ,god by prayer1 imitating his master1 who in the strength of his agony1 prayed the more earnestly4 ,and when the violence of his disease so opprest him1 that he had need of greater straining1 to keep his mind fixed upon ,god1 he cried out1 8,courage1 courage6 ,eternity is at hand60 #af4 ,many such speeches he uttered with incredible fervor1 tho' he could not pronounce them distinctly1 by reason of the extreme dryness of his throat1 occasioned by the fever4 ,at last1 stopping his speech1 he fixed his eyes stedfastly on heaven1 for a quarter of an hour together1 with a smiling look1 and full of reverence1 as if he saw some extraordinary sight4 ,after which gathering all his strength1 he sat up in his bed1 took off his cap1 and holding it in his hand1 said1 7with words half stifled in his throat1 as well by the ardor of his spirit1 as the weakness of his body7 8,i adore you1 ,i adore you40 #ag4 ,the curate having used the service of the church1 to which he attended with great devotion1 answering to every prayer1 asked him1 if he would not give a blessing to his children8 ,he answered1 8,how so1 good ,sir1 shall ,i presume to give a blessing in your presence8 ,i should be happy to receive one from you40 ,but being urged thereto1 and told the church allowed it1 he lifted up his hands and eyes to heaven1 saying1 8,may it please ,god to bless you and to preserve you by his grace from the malignity of the world1 that you may have no part therein6 ,and above all1 my children1 may you live in the fear and love of ,god1 and yield due obedience to your mother60 #ah4 ,on ,saturday1 about half an hour past ten in the forenoon1 being just recovered out of a violent convulsion1 looking attentively on those that were present1 he made signs with his hands1 head1 and eyes1 with a pleasant countenance1 for an intimate friend to come near him4 ,which being done1 he said1 8been0 replaced with 8being0 8,sir1 ,i have one word to say to you before ,i die30 7then pausing a little to recover his strength1 he testified his affection to him1 but in words that could not distinctly be understood4 ,at length raising his voice1 and speaking more articulately1 he went on7 8,the perfection of a ,christian life1 is to be united to ,god by faith4 ,let us not entangle ourselves in novelties4 ,let us adore his conduct over us1 and continue faithful to him unto the end4 ,let us adhere to that one ,god1 crucified for our salvation4 ,let us unite all our actions1 and all that is in us to his merits2 hoping that if we continue faithful to him by his grace1 we shall be partakers of the glory of his ,father4 ,i hope we shall there see one another one day1 which shall never have an end40 #ai4 ,some time after1 fixing his eyes upon heaven1 he said1 8,the holy ,jesus1 where is he80 ,they brought him his picture1 which he affectionately kissed4 ,then turning himself he presently entered his last agony2 which held about a quarter of an hour1 the greatest part of which he spent in pronouncing the name of ,jesus2 making as well as he could1 acts of resignation1 and commending his spirit to ,god3 ,after which he expired sweetly1 and his holy soul departed to its place of rest4 #bj4 ,thus lived and died ,m4 de ,renty1 one of the most glorious lights ,god hath bestowed upon his church in our age4 ,he died at ,paris1 in the #cgth year of his age1 the #bdth of ,april #afdi1 about noon4 ,we have great reason to admire the secret counsels of ,god1 in taking out of the world1 in the flower of his age1 a man so qualified to advance the honour of ,god1 and the good of his neighbour4 ,but when we say1 it was the hand of ,god1 all things are therein concluded4 ,hereby he is pleased to let us know1 that he hath no need of us for the advancing his glory2 and that when he does use us as instruments therein1 we ought to behave with all humility in his presence4 ,he hath translated him to another place1 where he glorifies his majesty with greater perfection2 and where he waits for us to glorify and love1 together with him1 ,god the ,father1 the ,son1 and the ,holy ,ghost1 to all eternity6 ,amen6 ,an ,,extract from the ,,life and ,,death of ,,thomas ,,walsh4 ,,the ,,introduction4 ,,the exceeding riches of the grace of ,god our ,saviour1 and the effectual working of his mighty power1 have in all ages shone most conspicuously in the holy lives and exemplary conversation of his eminent servants1 the excellent of the earth1 with whom are his peculiar delights4 ,and although1 strictly speaking1 ,he only is wise and good1 nevertheless1 there is a sense in which goodness is with propriety ascribed both to angels and to men4 ,this consists in their resemblance of him who is the source and model of all goodness1 holiness1 and perfection2 as proceeding from his fulness1 whence life and blessedness flow to every creature1 whether in heaven or in earth4 ,of this kind the scriptures furnish us with several examples1 ,abraham1 ,enoch1 ,noah1 ,daniel and ,job1 7beside many others7 are described in the ,old ,testament1 as men walking before ,god1 and perfect in their generation4 ,and the eleventh chapter to the ,hebrews contains little else than an account of ancient worthies1 eminently remarkable for their faith1 sufferings1 patience1 and glorious end2 who considering themselves as strangers and pilgrims in this world1 sought a city which hath foundations1 whose builder and maker is ,god4 ,and ,god1 saith the apostle1 hath provided some better things for us1 that they without us should not be made perfect4 ,the time would fail to mention particularly the names of all the eminently faithful1 who have lived and adorned their profession1 since life and immortality have been brought to light by the gospel4 ,they are an innumerable company4 ,it is enough for us to know1 that if any one loveth ,god1 the same is known of him4 ,their names are written in the ,lamb's book of life1 and shall at last be numbered amongst his jewels4 ,when names1 and sects1 and parties fall1 ,and thou1 ,o ,christ1 art all in all6 ,among the number of persons eminent for their usefulness and personal holiness1 which the present generation has produced1 he1 a part of whose life is here related1 may justly be considered as one2 and his example is one1 which in some respects may be said to have its peculiar excellencies4 ,a circumstantial detail of such things as often find a place in this kind of writings1 namely1 family1 childhood1 education1 stature1 complexion1 and a variety of common occurrences1 is judged1 as well tedious as foreign to the design of the work1 which is to represent1 principally what passed between ,god and his soul in the progress of his conversation and daily walking with ,god4 ,and yet neither is intelligence of this sort wholly omitted2 he has left a few particulars relative thereto1 which will enable the reader to form some idea1 as well of the former as latter part of his pilgrimage4 ,his prayer was1 #8,that this little book 7meaning what is here called the first part1 great part of which he wrote himself7 may be made a blessing to all who shall read it2 that the ,lord ,jesus may make it a means of kindling holy desire in their souls1 and of stirring them up to the fear and love of ,god4' ,,part the ,,first4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of his birth and education4 ,,thomas ,,walsh1 was born in the year of our ,lord #agcj1 at a place called ,bally ,linn1 in the county1 and within about ten miles of the city of ,limerick in ,ireland4 ,his father1 ,edmund ,walsh1 was by occupation a carpenter1 a man of tolerable education1 and strong natural understanding4 ,his mother's name was ,helena ,nougham1 born of reputable parents4 ,they were both members of1 and entirely biggotted to the church of ,rome4 ,when about eight years old1 he was put to school to learn ,english 7his mother tongue was ,irish47 ,afterwards he went to school to one of his brothers 7of whom he had several7 by whom he was initiated into the ,latin tongue4 ,having acquired its rudiments in some tolerable degree1 he went afterwards into the neighbouring county of ,clare1 with a design to be put apprentice1 his friends intending him to be of his father's trade4 ,but ,god in his adorable providence and unsearchable wisdom1 had1 as the event shewed1 other designs concerning him4 ,disappointed therefore in this he returned to school1 and proceeded in his pursuit of learning2 applying himself at present to the study of ,latin1 which he had but lately intermitted4 ,after he had made some considerable progress in this1 he applied himself to the study of some parts of the mathematicks1 for which he thought he had a better genius than for languages4 ,he soon acquired the knowledge of arithmetic1 both vulgar and decimal1 measuring superficies and solids1 c4 ,and afterwards went to the city of ,limerick in order to perfect himself in writing4 ,and now having continued at school till about the nineteenth year of his age1 and having acquired such branches of literature as fitted him for being useful to others in the same way3 he quitted school1 and set up one for himself1 wanting neither scholars nor ability to instruct them1 which he did with success1 during the time he continued his school4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his religion1 and the struggle which he found between nature and grace1 till the sixteenth year of his age4 ,,his parents 7being as has been observed7 members of1 and strongly attached to the church of ,rome1 brought him up in the same principles and communion1 and took care that his mind should be early furnished with the first and fundamental parts of what they judged his duty towards ,god4 8,when 7says he7 ,i was young ,i learned the ,lord's prayer1 and ,ave ,maria1 in ,irish1 together with the hundred and thirtieth psalm in ,latin2 with the ,popish augmentation thereto4 ,and now ,i began to imbibe that uncharitable1 anti-scriptural opinion1 that all dissenters from the church of ,rome were heretics1 and in a state of damnation4 ,but1 since the ,lord hath enlightened my understanding1 ,i am fully convinced that therein ,i greatly erred1 not knowing the scriptures1 neither the power of ,god4 8,i cannot but lament the case of those parents1 who alas6 not knowing what they do1 endeavour to instill into the minds of their children such pernicious principles3 and ,i do earnestly intreat all children1 as soon as they come to years of discretion1 to examine1 and judge for themselves40 ,it pleased our ,lord to work in his heart very early4 ,he made him bear the yoke in his youth1 and by his terrors restrained him from excess1 and the great offence4 8,even while ,i was young and ignorant 7says he7 ,god was striving with me1 and often terrified my heart3 especially whenever ,i thought of the day of judgment1 and of eternity6 8,at those times especially1 ,i frequently repeated the prayers ,i had learnt4 ,but alas6 to how little purpose8 ,while ,i prayed neither with the spirit1 nor with understanding4 ,my heart was hard and stubborn1 and my understanding was blind and foolish4 ,i had no just conception either of ,god1 or of religion4 ,nay1 so great was my ignorance1 that when ,i named our ,saviour in ,irish1 ,i thought the name belonged to some woman in heaven4 8,while ,i was thus foolish1 and blind 7even as a beast before thee67 my fallen nature began powerfully to discover itself4 ,the seed of the serpent working in my heart1 broke forth in words and in deeds4 ,now pride1 anger1 and self-will especially1 reigned over me4 ,but alas6 ,i then little knew that those accursed tempers proceeded from that source of universal disorder1 and all human miseries1 original sin4 ,i believed that this had brought temporal death into the world1 and great disorder into the whole state of the visible creation3 but of its subjecting the soul to spiritual1 and exposing it to eternal death1 ,i had no apprehension4 ,i had1 it is true1 conviction whenever ,i did amiss2 told a lie1 or fell into any other outward sin4 ,but the ,spirit of ,god1 and the holy scriptures alone1 ,i now plainly see1 could convince me that my tempers deserved the damnation of hell4 ,and hitherto ,i was ignorant of both4 8,when ,i was about eight years old1 ,i began to love play1 and divers other silly pleasures1 spending the time ,i was out of school in catching of birds1 playing at ball1 and the like4 ,my fondness for these occasioned my frequently breaking the sabbath1 which ,i usually spent either in these vain amusements1 or in reading some profane history1 or other unprofitable book2 and indeed no one so much as told me1 that these kinds of employments were any violation of the ,lord's day3 my parents1 like the rest of their neighbours1 esteeming them innocent diversions1 harmless amusements4 8,i did not then know that ,i ought not on this day to do mine own pleasure1 to speak mine own words1 or think my own thoughts2 that ,i ought to spend it wholly in glorifying ,god1 by praying to him1 hearing his word1 and reading and meditating therein2 calling the sabbath a delight1 the holy of the ,lord1 honourable4 ,o the curse of ignorance and evil example6 ,how many souls do these lead into the broad way of destruction6 ,how happy would it have been for my poor soul1 if ,i had known and remembered my ,creator in the days of my youth6 ,had ,i been brought up in the nurture and admonition of the ,lord2 had ,i known the scriptures from my childhood6 ,how would it have contributed to prevent my wrong conceptions1 and to regulate1 at least1 in some measure1 my whole conduct4 ,isaiah lvii4 #ac4 ,ecclesiastes xii4 #a4 ,ephesians vi4 #d4 #b ,timothy iii4 #ae4 8,from the tenth to the fourteenth year of my age1 my corruptions increased1 took deeper root1 and more visibly appeared in my whole conversation3 and yet ,i was more regular and conscientious in discharging my duty towards ,god4 7,so ,i was taught to call a dull form of words1 part of which only were addressed to ,god1 and the greatest part to saints and angels47 ,my parents according to custom brought me at the usual times to the priest1 who examined me concerning the ,pater ,noster1 ,ave ,maria1 and credo in ,deum1 with some other rites of the church of ,rome4 ,but alas6 to how little purpose8 ,it made me neither wiser1 nor better4 ,some part1 it is true1 of what he taught me1 was according to the word of ,god2 but the greater part entirely repugnant thereto1 and to all truth and righteousness4 ,but ,i knew not then how to distinguish between the truths of ,god1 and the traditions of men1 having had no knowledge of the law and the testimony1 the only infallible touchstone of doctrine and practice4 ,he might therefore have imposed whatever he pleased upon me2 and the rather1 as ,i was taught to believe whatever he said1 and to consider it as coming from the mouth of ,god4 ,indeed ,i could not help observing even then1 that several of those reverend gentlemen frequently erred in practice3 tho' still ,i thought they were infallible as to doctrine4 8,after this catechising1 ,i became more inquisitive1 and began to read books of devotion4 ,these ,i found for the present had their use4 ,whenever ,i read of the passion of our ,saviour2 the love of ,god to sinners2 the joys of heaven1 or the miseries of the damned1 my heart became deeply affected2 and much desire towards ,god enkindled in my soul40 ,but alas6 it soon died away again1 becoming like the morning cloud4 ,the inconstancy and corruption of his heart1 easily prevailing over those divine1 but transient impressions4 8,from the fourteenth to the sixteenth year of my age1 ,i had more of the form1 though less of the power of godliness1 than even before4 ,i now attended the public worship 7that is1 went to mass7 and every night repeated my prayers1 which were indeed no better than vain repetitions4 ,but still1 pride1 anger1 self-will1 and revenge more powerfully prevailed over me than ever3 and ,i added to these my former prevailing abominations1 lies and evil words4 ,indeed ,i had an entire aversion to cursing and swearing in the gross sense2 but abounded in petty oaths and bad wishes4 ,of this sort there are legions in the ,irish language20 perhaps more1 and more wickedly expressive than in any other language4 8,being at play1 ,i remember one day1 and provoked by one of my play-fellows1 ,i swore 7horror to think67 by the glorious name of ,jehovah 7to the best of my remembrance ,i never did so before1 nor ever since74 ,in that instant ,i felt ,i had grievously sinned against ,god1 and deserved his wrath and heavy displeasure40 8,to the rest of my evils ,i joined disobedience to my parents4 ,indeed ,i dared not shew it outwardly1 to my father especially1 whom ,i so dreaded as often to tremble for fear of him4 ,but my heart was hard and stubborn40 ,one instance of this he mentions which wrought him many a bitter reflection afterwards2 for years he hardly ever thought of it without being deeply affected with shame and sorrow4 ,having one day thro' his stubbornness greatly provoked his mother1 and given her a wicked and impertinent answer1 she said to him 8,you have grieved me40 8,it went like an arrow through my heart4 ,i knew the fifth commandment 7the fourth indeed ,i then called it according to the custom of the church of ,rome7 strictly forbids disobedience to parents1 and that to honour them1 is the first commandment with promise4 ,justly therefore was ,i condemned4 ,but1 ,o ,god6 ,how little is it to be wondered at1 that ,i did not rightly love1 neither was obedient to my earthly parents1 while ,i knew neither love1 nor obedience towards thee1 my ,father1 who art in heaven8 ,well do ,i know now 7and praised be thy love for this knowledge7 that such as are froward towards thee1 will1 while they remain so1 never be truly a comfort to their parents40 ,they may indeed1 pay an outward compliance1 and a seemingly dutiful subjection1 as is often seen even among professed worldlings2 but cordially and disinterestedly to love1 honour and reverence our parents1 can only be the effect of subjection in heart and life to the ,father of spirits4 ,so universally true is it1 that 8,a foe to ,god1 was ne'er true friend to man40 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,giving a farther account of him2 the corruptions he struggled against1 and the means he made use of to subdue them1 from the sixteenth to the eighteenth year of his age4 ,,now1 both his sins and convictions daily encreased upon him4 ,the desire of the flesh in particular raged in his nature1 and it wanted not its frequent and prevalent incitements4 ,now likewise he began to assume the man1 and kept more company than before1 which not a little inflamed his besetting sin4 ,temptations from without were multiplied1 and there wanted not opportunities and solicitations from the devil and nature to defile himself before the ,lord4 ,but still the preventing grace of ,god restrained him from sinning against him1 in the actual transgression4 ,this indeed1 tho' it did not1 could not1 exempt from guilt1 fear and shame1 considering the purity of the gospel law1 nevertheless became justly matter of his thanksgiving to ,god4 8,i do 7says he7 praise ,god unfeignedly1 for with-holding me from my own actual wickedness1 and preventing my leading others into the cursed and detestable abomination4 ,but ,i abhor and condemn myself for the concupiscence and wickedness of my heart1 which 7with grief and horror ,god knoweth ,i speak it67 discovered itself in other respects1 such as it is a shame even to mention4 ,of this no human eye could be a witness40 ,but ,god1 his holy angels1 and his own conscience were more than ten thousand witnesses against him4 ,and now1 at length1 his life became a burden to him1 almost insupportable4 ,his true character at this time was1 ,o wretched man that ,i am6 who shall deliver me6 ,he felt 8indwelling sin1 indwelling hell10 and breathed in many a groan1 ,o what is life without my ,god8 ,a burden more than ,i can bear4 ,i struggle to throw of my load1 ,me from myself ,i strive to tear6 8,the ,spirit of ,god 7says he7 deeply wounded me4 ,the arrows of the almighty stuck fast in me1 and my very bones trembled because of my sin4 ,i was persuaded in my heart that this commotion was conviction for my sin2 but had little conception that the ,holy ,spirit was the chief agent in the work3 for alas6 ,so great was my ignorance that ,i did not know there was any ,holy ,ghost for me to receive40 8,while ,i was thus in the midst of my extremity1 ,i confessed to the priest according to the custom of the church of ,rome4 ,he advised me to say many prayers 7as he termed counting my beads7 but alas6 ,this did not do3 and indeed how should it8 ,i was brought into captivity through the power of sin which reigned in my members4 ,and even my multiplied prayers could be little else than an abomination to the ,lord1 while neither the form1 nor the matter of them was according to the will of ,god4 ,many of them being little else than vain repetitions1 and babblings to physicians of no value1 in this respect2 which therefore left me under the power of sin and death40 ,indeed how else should it be8 ,while he was yet unthought of2 at least unapplied to1 who alone could help him2 even ,jesus1 whose name is salvation3 and beside which1 in heaven or in earth1 there is none other1 by which a sinner can be saved4 ,he it is that invites1 and he only can1 and doth1 give the weary and the heavy laden1 to find rest to their souls1 and who at length did 8allay his fever of desire1 by sprinkling him with his blood40 ,hearing the priest preach one ,lord's day1 and declaim vehemently against a variety of gross sins1 the discourse1 tho' 7as his words are7 8mixed with many falsities10 so deeply affected him1 that in the anguish of his spirit1 he resolved never more to return to house or home1 till ,god should shew him mercy4 ,this precipitate and unadvised resolution was however of short continuance4 ,in fact1 the commotion and disordered state of his soul ill admitted of any thing uniformly steady whether right or wrong1 either by purpose or in practice3 it therefore soon vanished away1 and he again sought by various ways to procure some alleviation of his distress4 8,i strove 7says he7 to divert myself in the best manner ,i could1 seeking rest and peace in the miserable comforts of this world4 ,but my conscience was still restless1 and a hell opened in my breast4 ,not knowing what to do1 nor which way to turn for rest1 ,i at length attempted to quiet the clamours of my troubled mind1 by solemnly resolving how soberly1 righteously1 and godly ,i would live the residue of my life4 ,full of these good purposes1 and strengthened as ,i thought by vows and promises1 ,i hoped all would be well2 having all this while no idea of the satisfaction by ,christ and the all-sufficiency of his merits2 and therefore1 resolving only in my own strength1 my resolutions proved as broken cisterns1 which could hold no comfort2 and as broken reeds1 which afforded no strength60 duplicate word 8of0 removed ,struggling on still in the dark1 he added fasting to his prayers and resolutions4 ,but all this did not do4 ,he still found himself bound as in affliction and iron4 ,he remained in sore bondage1 doing the evil he would not1 and not doing the good1 which he would have done1 7,romans vii47 ,his convictions became still sharper and his fear of hell more deeply distressing4 ,endeavouring therefore by some means or other to procure rest for his soul1 he had recourse to his former shifts1 and says1 8,i repeated my resolutions and vows against sin2 but especially whenever ,i fell into any outward wickedness2 and above all1 the sin that did so easily beset me4 ,then ,i was as on the rack1 and thro' extremity of anguish1 have frequently struck myself against the ground1 tearing the hairs from off my head40 8#g0 replaced with 8vii0 for consistency ,his light began now to encrease with his painful feeling4 8,about this time 7says he7 by reading1 and the help of the holy ,spirit1 ,i began to have a still clearer notion concerning the nature and consequences of sin1 and particularly of those which by the church of ,rome are termed mortal sins40 ,this increase of knowledge did not however mend1 much less heal his heart4 ,no1 ,the sudden ray of heavenly light1 ,which dimly dawned upon his night1 ,but made his darkness visible1 ,and left him to a deeper hell4 ,and even in this respect he found it true1 that he that encreaseth knowledge1 encreaseth sorrow2 a proposition which is universally true1 with respect to all the pursuits of the soul after happiness3 the knowledge of ,jesus ,christ1 and him crucified1 alone excepted4 ,struggling therefore in his chains1 he resolved upon other measures4 ,and finding that his prayers1 tears1 resolutions1 and vows did not avail1 he devised another expedient1 and came to this determination1 solemnly to swear to the ,lord1 imagining that then it would not be possible that he should break with him afterwards1 has had been the case1 with all his former efforts4 ,accordingly he bound himself by an oath1 that for the time to come he would abstain from1 and utterly renounce all those sins which had wrought him so much uneasiness4 ,this procedure begot in him for the present1 rather some cessation from torment1 than true peace1 and left him for a while in deep security4 ,but alas6 ,it was not long ere he found this band likewise was altogether weak as the staff of a broken reed4 ,he fell into one of those very sins1 against the commission of which he had so sacredly bound himself2 involving by this means his enlightened conscience in the additional guilt of 7what he called7 perjury1 and thus rendered his anxiety and embarrassment great beyond description4 ,who can conceive what his weary spirit now experienced6 ,his wretchedness and confusion exceeded all the powers of words to express4 ,yea1 he gave up hope2 and became well nigh desperate4 ,he knew not whither to betake himself1 or what should be his next step2 reasoning thus with himself in the bitterness of his soul1 8,since ,i have perjured myself in one instance1 ,i may as well commit all my old sins over again4 ,thus 7adds he7 ,i was driven by the devil1 allured by sin and corruption1 and deceived by my own evil heart40 ,about this time likewise1 it pleased our ,lord to visit him with a fit of illness1 by which his fears and misery were considerably increased4 ,he often bewailed himself in the uttermost anguish of spirit1 with weeping and lamentation1 breathing out his soul in moans4 8,o the guilt of sin2 when charged home upon the conscience by the ,spirit of ,god1 what an intolerable load6 ,a wounded spirit who can bear60 ,thus1 being ignorant of ,god's righteousness2 the way of becoming righteous1 or justified1 which he hath appointed1 he went about to establish his own righteousness1 expecting to be justified by the works of the law1 and not by the faith of ,jesus ,christ4 ,he became wearied in the multitude of his counsels1 and seeking not in ,god's way it fared with him accordingly4 ,for still1 although he sought for rest1 he found it not1 because he sought it not aright4 ,these were indeed the days of his invincible ignorance1 at which therefore the ,god of love graciously winked4 ,he knew not1 because as yet he had no one to teach him4 8,how 7as he says7 could ,i do otherwise8 ,i had not the bible to instruct me2 for ,i never had read it1 except a little at school1 when ,i was about eleven years old4 ,woe to you 7he adds7 ye blind guides 7meaning the ,romish clergy7 ye have taken away the key of knowledge1 that is1 the word of ,god from the people4 ,it is this which unfolds the hidden treasures of his will1 and free grace towards mankind4 ,while therefore ,i remained ignorant of this1 no wonder that ,i went on in error1 and fought as one that beateth the air40 ,but now the true teacher began more powerfully to manifest himself to him1 although as yet he knew him not4 ,the spirit of truth proceeding from the ,father and the ,son1 wrought in him daily1 a still deeper solicitude about his salvation4 ,among others of his reflections in reference thereto1 he began to think more seriously than ever1 of the doctrine of the church of ,rome1 and of his own connexions with her2 resolving that whatever might be the consequence1 he would1 both do1 and avoid1 whatever appeared to him1 nay in any measure contribute to the true life of his soul4 ,thus1 hitherto 8,drawn by a secret power he flew1 ,nor stay'd to prop the papal throne1 ,the truth determined to pursue1 ,and panting for a ,god unknown2 ,by works of legal righteousness1 ,he blindly sought the grace t'obtain1 ,but could not find the paths of peace1 ,but labour'd thro' the fire in vain40 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,of his forsaking the church of ,rome4 ,a ,,variety of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct4 ,he was first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation2 and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious connexions might have thereon1 which prepared him for attending to whatever he at any time either read1 or had spoken to him on this head4 ,that which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his brother1 of whom he had learned ,latin4 8,a man 7to use his own words7 of tolerable learning1 and designed for a ,popish priest4 ,but seeing many errors among them1 he renounced popery40 ,about the eighteenth year of his age1 while he was a strict observer of the ,romish church1 this brother 7whose relinquishing it was some years before7 began frequently to discourse with him concerning the principles of the ,romanists4 ,but 8,i strenuously 7says he7 though ignorantly withstood him2 alledging in my defence the traditions and canons of the church1 while he1 on the contrary1 appealed to the law1 and to the testimony4 ,he often said to me1 ,my brother why do you not read ,god's word8 ,lay aside prejudice1 and let us reason together40 8,to the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood1 one ,mr4 ,philip ,geyer1 a ,protestant1 and well versed in controversy4 ,mr4 ,walsh1 you are a sober young man 7so indeed ,i was generally thought to be1 though ,god knows ,i was drunk with enmity against him7 and what pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures8 ,why will you suffer yourself to be deceived by the ,pope and his fraternity40 ,reasonings of this kind1 which were occasionally made use of with him from time to time1 together with hearing the scriptures frequently read in his brother's school1 put him at length upon a diligent consideration of both sides of the question4 ,but as it generally happens in like cases1 an attachment to old sentiments1 the prejudices of education1 shame1 or fear of man1 with a variety of other considerations1 kept him for some time in strong suspense4 ,his breast was moved with contrary1 and therefore conflicting passions4 ,he revolved in his mind1 and rejected many a thought on the head1 and again resumed and embraced them4 ,thus halting between two opinions1 he complains of the 8,corruption of his heart and prejudice of his education1 which were as smoke upon his soul1 so dimming his understanding that he could see nothing clearly40 8,i had 7continues he7 a custom of repeating frequently as ,i walked by the way1 some prayers1 or articles of faith which ,i had learned in my childhood4 ,and walking one day in ,september1 #agdh1 in a pleasant field1 ,i was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the doctrine of the church of ,rome4 ,i said in my heart,perhaps all is not right4 ,peradventure ,i have been imposed upon4 ,but then how shall ,i know8 ,how can ,i be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in the right way8,immediately it occurred to my mind1 that on ,god alone1 ,i could safely venture my salvation1 and that without doubt1 he would lead me by his counsel1 if ,i asked wisdom of him40 8occurrd0 replaced with 8occurred0 8,then ,i cried unto the ,lord ,god1 and said,all things are known to thee1 and thou seest that ,i want to worship thee aright4 ,shew me the way wherein ,i ought to go1 nor suffer me to be deceived by men40 ,the ,lord who apprehended1 and instructed ,saul1 when he enquired of him in astonishment1 ,what wilt thou have me to do8 ,attended to1 and answered his prayer2 which he did not cease then1 to pour out before him4 ,the ,father of lights1 and the giver of wisdom to all that ask it1 did1 according to the adorable methods of his working1 instruct and determine his choice in this particular4 ,acts ix4 ,to this time and occasion may be referred what he has more than once told me1 determined him with respect to the ,popish doctrine of merit1 and had much influence on his entirely renouncing the communion of that church3 namely1 the deep impression on his mind of those words of ,st4 ,paul1 ,if righteousness come by the law1 then ,christ is dead in vain4 ,this passage he assured me he had not remembered ever to have read1 or heard2 and that afterwards1 when he met with it 7,galatians ii4 #ba47 it was to him like life from the dead4 ,truly1 ,o ,god1 ,thy word is a light1 and by taking heed thereto1 this young man's way was cleansed4 ,soon after this1 he resolved to stand no longer in desponding hesitation1 halting between two opinions4 8,therefore1 7says he7 going to my brother and the other persons who used to converse with me on this head1 and providentially meeting the two principal ones together1 ,i determined now1 once for all1 either to convince1 or be convinced by them2 for ,i had an unfeigned desire to save my soul40 8,proposing therefore my design1 they desired me to bring a bible1 and with it ,nelson's feasts1 and fasts of the church of ,england4 ,accordingly1 we began reading1 and conversing1 and continued together till midnight40 ,the result of which was1 he now determined no longer to resist conviction4 8,i was 7says he7 constrained to give place to the light of truth4 ,it was so convincing that ,i had nothing more to say4 ,i at length confessed the weakness of my former reasonings1 and the strength of those which were opposed to me60 8,about one o'clock in the morning ,i retired to my lodging1 and according to my usual custom went to prayer3 but now1 only to the ,god of heaven1 ,i no more prayed to any angel or spirit4 ,for ,i am deeply persuaded that there is but one ,god1 and one ,mediator between ,god and man1 even the man ,christ ,jesus4 ,therefore ,i resolved no longer to suffer any man to beguile me in a voluntary humility1 in worshiping either saints or angels4 ,these latter ,i considered as they are represented1 ,ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation4 ,but with regard to any worship being paid to them1 one of themselves said1 ,see thou do it not1 worship ,god4 ,god only4 8b0 replaced with 8but0 ,colossians ii4 #ah4 ,hebrews i4 #ad4 ,revelation xix4 #aj4 8,all my sophisms on this head were entirely overthrown by a few hours candid reading the holy scriptures1 which now became as a lantern to my feet1 and a lamp to my paths1 directing me in the way wherein ,i should go4 ,i could see no manner of authority either in the old ,testament or the new for invocating any saint1 or apostle whatsoever4 ,god1 the triune ,god1 is1 alone1 the proper object of prayer1 and of all divine worship40 ,he is likewise a jealous ,god 7,exodus xx4 #e47 and will not give his glory to another1 before his glorious ,majesty the hosts of heaven1 angels and authorities1 principalities and powers1 thrones and dominions1 vailing their faces1 fall down in lowly prostrations1 while they adore him 7whom all should adore67 that sitteth upon the throne1 and the ,lamb1 that liveth for ever and ever40 omitted word 8and0 supplied ,not many days after1 he fell into discourse with his father on the head1 and informed him1 that he was minded to forsake the church of ,rome1 being clearly convinced she was not that infallible1 or pure church he once esteemed her1 8but rather 7to use his words7 an harlot1 who had committed spiritual and vile adultery4 ,my father 7adds he7 was much provoked1 and produced his strong reasons to overthrow all ,i had said4 ,i dared not but listen to him1 which ,i did with much attention4 ,but the more he argued1 the more was ,i confirmed in my former resolution40 ,being now fully satisfied1 and deliberately determined1 he resolved to omit no becoming method of testifying the same4 ,and accordingly 7having no temporal interest to serve thereby1 as may be undeniably plain to every one7 he1 without farther delay1 publickly and in form1 renounced his former communion2 abjured the errors of the church of ,rome1 and thence forward regularly attended the service of the church of ,england4 ,he was greatly delighted with the prayers4 7,as was1 ,st4 ,austin at his first attendance1 with the service of the ,church in general4 ,confess41 book #i1 chapter #f4 ,his heart melted with divine sweetness1 and his eyes flowed down with tears of love47 ,a certain providence seemed to direct the very matter of the first sermon which he heard there4 8,the first text 7says he7 ,i heard preached on at church1 was ,he that believeth and is baptized1 shall be saved3 but he that believeth not1 shall be damned1 7,mark xvi4 #af47 8,yet1 alas6 ,how little did ,i know of believing8 ,being taught1 and accustomed to call by the name of faith1 the peculiar principles of the church of ,rome4 ,but ,i have now learned a better lesson1 and know that rightly to believe1 is one of the greatest things in the world40 8,and now that ,i have left the church of ,rome1 ,i nevertheless declare that ,i think there are many sincere souls among them4 ,for ,i bear them witness1 that they have a zeal for ,god1 tho' not according to knowledge4 ,many of them have justice1 mercy1 and truth2 and may 7notwithstanding many errors in sentiment1 and therefore in practice1 thro' invincible ignorance7 since as is ,god's majesty1 so is his mercy1 be dealt with accordingly40 ,there have been doubtless1 and still are among them1 some burning and shining lights2 persons who 7whatever their particular sentiments may be7 are devoted to the service of ,jesus ,christ1 according as their light and opportunities admit4 ,and in reality1 whatever opinions people may hold1 they are most approved of ,god1 whose tempers and behaviour correspond most with the model of his holy word4 ,this however1 can be no justification of avowed unscriptural tenets1 such1 as has been often proved1 are many of those of the church of ,rome4 8,it may be asked then1 #8,why did ,i leave their communion1 since ,i thought so favourably of them3' ,i answer1 because ,i was abundantly convinced1 that as a church1 they have erred from the right way1 and adulterated the truths of ,god with the inventions and traditions of men2 which the scriptures1 and even celebrated writers of themselves abundantly testify4 ,god is my witness herein1 that the sole motive which induced me to leave them1 was an unfeigned desire to know the way of ,god more perfectly1 in order to the salvation of my soul4 ,for altho' ,i then felt1 and do yet feel my heart to be as the prophet speaks1 deceitful1 and desperately wicked with regard to ,god2 yet ,i was sincere in my reformation1 having from the holy ,spirit an earnest desire to save my soul1 and prepare to meet my ,god4 8,if it should be still asked1 #8,but could ,i not be saved1 supposing ,i had never left the church of ,rome8' ,i answer1 ,if ,i had never known the truth of the scriptures concerning the way of salvation1 nor been convinced that their principles were anti-scriptural1 then ,i think ,i might have been saved in her communion1 the merciful ,god making allowance for my invincible ignorance4 ,but now1 since ,god hath enlightened my mind1 and given me to see the truth as it is in ,jesus1 if ,i had still continued a member of the church of ,rome1 ,i could not have been saved4 8,with regard to others1 ,i say nothing4 ,i know that every man must bear his own burden1 and give an account of himself to ,god4 ,to their own master1 both they and ,i must stand or fall4 ,but love however1 and tender compassion for their souls1 constrain me to pour out a prayer to ,god in their behalf4 8,all souls are thine1 ,o ,lord ,god1 and thou willest all to come to the knowledge of the truth and be saved4 ,for this end thou did give thy only begotten ,son1 that whosoever believeth in him1 might not perish1 but have everlasting life4 ,i beseech thee therefore ,o eternal ,god1 shew thy tender mercies upon those poor souls who have been long deluded by the god of this world1 the pope1 and his clergy4 ,jesus1 thou lover of souls and friend of sinners1 send to them thy light1 and truth1 that they may lead them1 and call those straying sheep1 now perishing for lack of knowledge1 to the light of thy word1 which is able to make them wise to salvation through faith1 which is in thee60 ,,chapter ,v4 ,some further account of his progress in the way of life1 with other reasons of his conduct in regard of the church of ,rome4 ,,the affair of renouncing communion with the ,romish church1 and declaring himself a member of the church of ,england1 being now over1 he set himself to read with much diligence the holy scriptures1 together with the writings of some of the most eminent ,protestant divines4 ,and hereby he received further light every day1 being more and more persuaded that his conduct was right4 ,by this means he began likewise to see into the nature of the gospel1 and the one1 only way which it points to life and blessedness1 grace and glory4 #8,now 7says he7 ,i begin to discern clearly that it is the blood of ,christ alone which cleanseth from sin1 and that by one offering of himself once for all1 he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified4',perfectly accomplished1 without any need of other helps1 or repetitions of the same1 all that was necessary in order to the justification and glorification of all believers4 ,hebrews x4 #ad4 8,i likewise became now more clearly sensible of the errors which ,i formerly held4 ,as #ast1 ,thinking that my own works could merit something from ,god4 #b;dly1 vainly imagining that there is a place for the purgation of sin after death4 ,when at any time therefore ,i was asked now1 why ,i had left the church of ,rome8 ,i could answer upon good and solid grounds3 because ,i am well assured that the doctrines of merit 7to speak of no more7 and works of supererogation1 are contrary both to reason and scripture40,to reason1 it being absurd to suppose that a creature1 receiving life1 and breath1 and all things from its ,creator1 should be able to love1 adore1 and obey him1 more than is required of him as his indispensable duty4,to scripture2 being flatly contrary to the words of ,christ1 ,when ye shall have done all these things which are commanded you1 say1 that is1 take knowledge1 we are unprofitable servants4 ,luke xvii4 #aj4 8,beside1 ,if the blood of ,christ1 the merit of all he hath done and suffered1 cleanseth from all sin1 what imaginable need can there be of the fire of purgatory8 ,surely when all sin is cleansed1 or taken away1 there can be none remaining40 ,alas for those who trust for safety to such a staff of a broken reed6 ,deferring the present opportunities and means of deliverance from sin and death1 under the pretence of some future purgation from sin in the invisible world4 #a ,john i4 #g4 8,if all the light of this world was to be immediately at once extinguished1 all human souls that were not in some real degree of regeneration1 would immediately find themselves but the rage of fire1 and horror of darkness40 ,o then thou poor sinner1 whoever thou art1 repent1 repent1 and turn to ,god1 whilst thou hast flesh upon thee2 for as long as that lasts the kingdom of ,god is nigh at hand3 but if thou diest without true conversion1 better thou hadst never been born6 ,for then 8black lakes1 bottomless pits1 ages of a gnawing worm1 and a fire that never ceases to burn1 will stand between thee and the kingdom of heaven for ever40 ,his now encreasing knowledge in the things of ,god2 his ability from the holy scriptures to distinguish between truth and error1 became daily and justly matter of his thanksgiving to ,god4 ,but yet his unregenerate nature was not1 could not be truly at rest4 ,the word of ,god was now indeed his study and delight4 ,but it served likewise1 by shewing him how his heart and life must be1 more deeply to distress him4 ,the commandment in its spiritual and extensive meaning1 still dissecting his inward parts1 slew him 7,romans vii4 #haa47 so that he was clearly and distressingly sensible of his death in trespasses and sins4 ,his convictions and anguish of spirit became therefore more afflictive than ever4 ,the small cessation from pain which his relinquishing popery afforded1 served now1 only to augment his sorrow1 to find that after all1 the great affair was yet to do4 ,and such was his present anxiety1 that he even forgot1 or neglected to eat his bread4 8,my conscience 7says he7 still condemned me1 there was no rest in my bones by reason of sin40 ,and yet meaning to make sure work1 he desired to know the uttermost of his evil and danger4 ,to this end he read those passages1 both divine and human1 which seemed most to condemn him3 8,for ,i was willing 7adds he7 to know the worst of my condition3 not indeed that this was always the case4 ,sometimes the devil1 and the corruption of my nature so far prevailed as to hush my conscience1 and drown my convictions1 by a variety of thoughts1 and things40 ,thus far did he labour through the furnace of heart-tormenting conflict2 assaulted on the one hand by the ,romanists1 who still wrought him all the trouble they could1 both by calumny and contention3 ,and on the other1 by the ruler of the darkness of this world2 ,satan and his emissaries1 seeking to devour him4 ,our ,lord's words1 ,john xvi4 #ba4 were literally verified in him2 as indeed they are more or less1 in every one that is truly born again4 ,he travailed in birth1 and was in sorrow1 and pain to be delivered4 ,the agony of his heart frequently extorted from him1 complaints to this effect1 the sorrows of death have compassed me about1 and the pains of hell have got hold upon me6 ,he found trouble and heaviness4 ,in his distress he cried unto the ,lord1 and said1 ,o ,lord ,i beseech thee deliver my soul6 ,i am oppressed1 undertake for me6 ,and thus he remained for some time waiting1 and longing for his ,god1 even as the thirsty ground for showers4 ,his sorrow it is true was often interspersed with gleams of sweetly reviving hope4 ,that yet a little while1 and he whom he sought would come1 and would not tarry1 while his very pulse still beat1 ,make no long tarrying1 ,o my ,god4 ,make haste my beloved1 and come away4 ,be thou like a roe1 or a young hart upon the mountains of ,bether4 ,the ,lord did indeed wait to be gracious to him1 and was exalted in having mercy upon him4 ,he brought to the birth1 and gave strength to bring forth4 ,for the spirit of heaviness1 he afterwards received the garments of praise1 and for mourning the oil of joy4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,of some particulars previous to his conversion4 ,,after having made use of every means1 which either men or books could suggest1 but without the desired effect1 7being now in the nineteenth year of his age7 as he returned to his lodging one evening in the city of ,limerick1 ,march #ag1 #agdi1 he saw an uncommonly large concourse of people assembled in a place called the ,parade adjoining to the main street4 ,he turned aside to see what it meant2 and perceiving a man preaching to the people in the open air 7a thing then quite new in ,ireland17 he eagerly stopped to know what he said4 ,and hearing him 7,mr4 ,r4 ,s47 from ,matthew xi4 #bh4 affectionately1 and earnestly entreat all persons to come to ,jesus ,christ1 that they might find rest to their souls3 and withal exhorting them to search the scriptures1 and see for themselves if what he said was not true2 it filled him with wonder1 and with desire to know more of this matter4 ,he had of a long time sorely felt the want of rest1 that is1 happiness in his soul4 ,and notwithstanding all his endeavours to obtain it1 like the poor woman in the gospel1 who had spent all that she had upon physicians and was nothing bettered1 but rather grew worse1 his case became every day more insupportable4 ,a pressing invitation therefore to partake of1 and an assurance of finding the very thing he so wanted1 could not fail of being acceptable to him4 ,mark v4 #be4 ,so impenetrable is the abyss of ,god's judgments6 ,great things doth he1 which who can comprehend6 ,he had prepared the soul of his servant to receive with inexpressible joy1 the gospel of peace1 and sent it him in a way which he least of all expected1 and which the wisdom of man would never have made choice of1 ,thus1 ,while yet he toil'd1 a sudden cry ,proclaim'd th' approaching multitude1 ,who told of ,jesus passing by1 ,of free redemption in his blood3 ,upstarted light1 the beggar blind1 ,he sprang the healing touch to meet1 ,cast all his filthy rags behind1 ,and groan'd for faith at ,jesu's feet4 8,but here 7says he7 it may be needful1 in order the better to understand some particulars which will be hereafter related1 to premise a few things relative to this preacher1 and the people to whom he belonged1 #ast1 he was one of the people called ,methodists1 and a member of the church of ,england4 #b;dly1 ,this people began to preach ,christ1 and justification thro' his blood1 about the year #agch1 having had their beginning at ,oxford1 in the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john and ,charles ,wesley2 the former a fellow of ,lincoln ,college1 and the latter1 student of ,christ ,church4 ,these two brothers having obtained mercy themselves1 were called of ,god to publish his love to others likewise1 by preaching the gospel of the kingdom1 to every creature that would hear the joyful sound4 ,accordingly1 out they go into the lanes and highways1 crying in the voice of wisdom to the sons of men1 beseeching and compelling sinners to turn to ,god1 to come to that feast of marrow and fat things1 which he hath prepared for all who will but accept of life and salvation40 duplicate word 8a0 removed ,see ,luke xiv4 #afbd4 ,proverbs viii4 #ae4 and compare with ,proverbs i4 #bd4 8,after these servants of ,god had been thus employed for some time1 it pleased their divine ,master1 to send forth other labourers also into his harvest1 to assist in the same blessed work3 not indeed such as human wisdom would have appointed1 the great or wise men of this world2 but quite the contrary3 the poor 7for the most part7 and as ,st4 ,paul says1 the base and weak1 that thus1 leaving no room for boasting or glorying in man1 whoso glorieth might glory in the ,lord40 #a ,corinthians i4 #beca4 8,some of these1 after preaching the gospel in the streets and highways1 to their own countrymen1 brought the glad tidings to ,ireland also2 where1 going about from place to place1 thro' cities and villages1 they freely declared1 what they had so freely received1 to every one that would hear4 ,and glory be to ,god1 their labour of love was not in vain4 ,he that sent them1 gave their word his blessing1 so that many received it gladly2 and having felt its power1 to this day bring forth fruit with patience2 the fruit of righteousness1 to the glory of ,god40 ,it was some weeks before he had opportunity of hearing them again1 being obliged to take care of his school in the country4 ,on his next return to ,limerick he heard another of them 7,mr4 ,t4 ,w47 and liked their preaching still better4 ,but his fondness for1 and attachment to the word of ,god1 would not admit of his taking things of so high a nature upon trust4 ,he therefore compared their doctrine with the word of ,god1 and with the articles and homilies 7which were now likewise his secondary1 standards of truth7 of the church of ,england2 and 8,i found it1 7says he7 to be consonant with both4 ,i became daily more and more attached to them1 and their manner of living encreased my affection for them4 ,they appeared to me to be true followers of ,christ1 and his apostles1 adorning the doctrine of ,god in all things40 8,when they had preached the gospel at ,limerick for some time1 they came over to ,new-,market1 a village where ,i then resided1 about eight miles from thence4 ,in a little time there was a society formed1 7so they called those who met weekly together1 in order to sing the praises of ,god1 to pray to him1 and to help each other on to heaven47 ,to these ,i joined myself a member1 ,september #bi1 #agdi1 in order to be more fully instructed in the way of salvation40 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,giving a farther account of the state of his soul1 particularly of his deep convictions4 ,,god had1 by this time1 made plain his way before his face4 ,his holy word had fully informed his understanding1 how a sinner can find favour with ,god4 ,his scruples were all removed1 and he wanted only the possession of what he saw as at a distance2 to know1 by experience1 the certainty of those things wherein he had been instructed4 ,his soul reached out with vehemency of desire to the mark of the prize of his high calling4 ,but yet he could not lay hold on the hope set before him4 ,he could not break the bondage of unbelief1 of which he was now deeply convinced1 and under which he groaned continually4 ,in short1 he felt what cannot be easily explained3 the sorrows and strugglings1 as well as joys1 of the truly regenerate1 being of such a nature1 that strangers to that happy change can have very imperfect conceptions of4 7#a ,chronicles ii4 #aa47 99,he particularly describes the manner1 in which he perceived himself wrought upon1 as follows1 8#ast4 ,the ,lord convinced me of my bosom sin1 that which did most easily beset me2 representing the heinousness of it in various circumstances40 8#b;dly4 ,all my other abominations3 sins in general1 of omission1 and commission were set in array before me1 as an army ready to devour me2 or1 as so many devils ready to tear me in pieces4 ,god wrote them down in large characters1 so that ,i might well say1 ,my sins were ever before me40 8#c;dly4 ,i was clearly convinced1 that not only my sins1 but likewise what ,i called my duties1 were an abomination unto the ,lord4 ,my righteousness appeared as filthy rags4 ,the corrupt tree could not bring forth good fruit40 8#dthly4 ,the same spirit convinced me1 that ,i was an unbeliever2 that ,i had not true faith1 and therefore no part nor lot in the ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,as an unbeliever ,i was condemned already1 and the wrath of ,god abode upon me1 7,john iii47 ,i assented indeed to every thing revealed in the bible2 yet ,i now clearly perceived1 ,i lacked the very true1 ,christian faith4 ,i learned from the ,methodists1 so called1 and had it confirmed to me by the ,new ,testament1 that whosoever has true faith1 has with it the remission of sins1 and is at peace with ,god4 ,i read1 that whosoever believeth1 is born of ,god2 and he that is born of ,god sinneth not3 but ,i sinned1 and thence inferred1 ,i had not faith1 neither was born of ,god40 ,romans iv4 #e4 and v4 #a4 and viii4 #a4 ,john iii4 #ah4 ,acts4 xiii4 #ci4 #a ,john v4 #aj4 #a ,john iii4 #i4 and v4 #a4 ,arabic chapter numbers replaced with ,roman numerals for consistency4 8#ethly4 ,i was deeply convinced1 that ,i could not help myself2 that ,i was utterly unable to work1 either repentance1 faith or holiness in my own soul1 and that it was by grace alone ,i could be saved40 8#fthly4 ,i was without comfort1 and miserable4 ,my soul was grieved1 and my heart fainted within me4 ,i found labour and sorrow beyond expression4 ,worldly comforts availed nought4 ,i had no rest night or day4 ,when ,i prayed ,i was troubled2 when ,i heard a sermon1 ,i was pierced as with darts and arrows4 ,whenever ,i either read or conversed1 still ,i was broken and bruised in heart4 ,thus was ,i stripped of all1 and wretched1 and blind and naked2 having neither faith nor power1 holiness nor happiness4 ,truly there was no sound part in me4 ,all was wounds and bruises1 and putrifying sores4 ,often ,i could neither sleep nor eat4 ,the affliction of my soul so affected my body1 that at length ,i was obliged to take to my bed40 8#gthly4 ,i saw by the same light of the holy ,spirit1 the ground of all this1 namely1 ,original sin4 ,this ,i felt was the source of all my misery and helplessness4 ,by one man sin entered into the world1 and death by sin1 and so death passed upon all1 for that all have sinned4 ,here ,i saw the root of all evil4 ,hence are we children of wrath2 banished from ,god1 and the tree of life40 ,romans v4 #ab4 ,this was his state about the year #agdi4 ,and in substance1 ,i believe 7tho' all do not so circumstantially attend to it7 this agrees with the experience of most of the children of ,god4 ,one would not however attempt to fix a determinate point3 making the progress of the work of ,god in one1 or a thousand persons1 a standard by which to judge of the genuineness of the experience of others4 ,there are diversities of operations by the same spirit4 ,but it is the same ,god1 who worketh all in all4 ,with some souls1 it pleaseth our ,lord to deal more gently1 than with others2 as 7to mention no more examples7 in the case of ,lydia1 and the jaylor1 7,acts xvi47 ,the latter1 trembling and terrified1 fell down1 prostrate1 before ,paul and ,silas1 and said1 in the utmost consternation1 ,what must ,i do to be saved6 ,while the former1 without any such previous terror1 had her heart gently opened to attend unto1 and receive the words of eternal life1 which were spoken of ,paul4 ,and there are no doubt1 thousands of resembling instances at this day4 ,but in general1 it may be observed1 that with regard to those1 whom ,god intends for the service of other souls1 he gives them to feel1 as they are able to bear1 the uttermost of their nature's death2 the bitterness and desert of the sin that dwells in the heart1 as well as the wicked works of their life1 before he shews them his salvation2 that being feelingly acquainted with the evil nature of sin1 and the wretchedness of an unregenerate state1 they may be the better capable of sympathizing with1 and counselling others in like circumstances2 and be quickened in their endeavours of saving souls from death4 ,but in all who are begetting again to newness of life1 there is a deep consciousness of want4 ,and there never has been an instance of true conversion among grown persons1 where the soul did not previously feel its poverty1 guilt1 or danger1 in a greater or less degree4 ,our ,saviour heals none who have not a feeling want1 producing earnest desires of being healed4 ,it is the weary and the heavy laden1 whom he calls to come to him1 that they may find rest to their souls4 ,he is the living bread1 and the water of life1 for which1 only awakened souls hunger and thirst1 and with which alone1 they can be satisfied4 ,having mentioned ,st4 ,austin1 with reference to the usual manner of our ,lord's dealing with souls1 intended for the service of others2 and considering the resemblance1 which in some parts of his experience1 there is1 with the experience of him before us1 ,i persuade myself it will not be unacceptable to some readers1 to subjoin a short account of the travail of his soul1 above fourteen hundred years ago1 in his own words4 8,thou1 ,o ,lord1 didst turn me about towards myself2 and tookest me from behind my back1 where ,i had placed me1 whilst ,i had no mind to observe myself1 that ,i might see how deformed a thing ,i was2 covered over with scabs and ulcers3 and ,i beheld1 and abhorred4,but ,i1 then a wretched young man1 had in the first dawning of my youth1 begged of thee chastity2 and had said1 ,give me chastity2 but yet awhile do not give it4 ,for ,i feared thou shouldst hear me too soon1 and presently heal me of that disease and concupiscence which ,i wished1 rather might be satiated than extinguished4,but now was the day come1 in which ,i was laid naked to myself1 and my conscience began to reproach me4,i was inwardly corroded1 and extremely confounded40 8,amidst this great controversy within1 which ,i hotly disputed with my soul1 troubled as well in countenance as in mind1my eyes1 forehead1 cheeks1 colour1 the accent of my voice more spoke my passion than words could4,there was a little garden belonging to my lodging1 which ,i had the use of4 ,thither this tumult in my breast carried me away1 where none might hinder the hot contention which was engaged within me1 until concluded in that issue1 which thou already knewest1 but not ,i4 ,only ,i was in suffering a death that would beget life3 well knowing what evil ,i then was2 not knowing what good1 within a little while1 ,i was to be4,i fretted my spirit1 whilst all my bones cried out4,from whence such a monster8 ,let thy mercy enlighten me1 and let me enquire1 ,whence such a monster8 and how can this be80 8,thus ,i was accusing myself much more severely than formerly1 and winding to and fro in my chain2 a small piece only of which now held me2 yet held me still4 ,and thou1 ,o ,lord1 pressedst sore upon me in mine inner parts1 with a severe mercy1 redoubling the lashes of fear and shame4,and the point of time1 in which ,i was to become another man1 as it approached nearer1 struck me with more horror4 ,yet it did not make me to recoil1 or turn away2 but only to stand in a suspense40 998,such was the contest acted within my heart4,but as soon as more profound meditation had drawn out1 from the very bottom of this sink1 and laid on an heap1 all my misery before the view of my soul2 there arose in me a mighty tempest1 bringing with it great showers of tears4,i1 under a certain fig-tree1 threw down myself1 ,i know not how1 and gave liberty to my tears2 and the rivers of my eyes ran a-pace4 ,and ,i said1 ,thou1 ,lord1 how long8 ,how long wilt thou be angry1 for ever8 ,remember not my former iniquities1 ,psalms lxxix4 #e1 #h4 ,for ,i well perceived ,i was still possessed1 and with-held by them1 and therefore cast out such miserable complaints1 ,how long8 ,how long8 ,to-morrow1 and to-morrow8 ,why not presently8 ,why not this very hour1 an end to my filthiness40 998,these things ,i uttered as ,i wept with bitter contrition3 and behold1 ,i heard a voice as from a neighbouring house1 as of a boy or girl1 in a singing note1 saying1 and often repeating2 tolle1 lege2 tolle1 lege2 take up and read2 take up and read4 ,and presently my countenance being altered1 ,i began to consider1 whether children were wont in any kind of play to sing such words3 nor could ,i call to mind that ,i any where heard the like40 8,whereupon1 suppressing the course of my tears1 ,i rose up1 interpreting it to be a divine admonition1 that ,i should open the book1 and read the place ,i first light upon4,so getting up hastily1 ,i returned to the place where ,i had been sitting before1 for there ,i had left ,st4 ,paul's epistles4 ,i catched it up1 opened it1 read in silence the piece of the chapter on which ,i first cast mine eyes2 not in rioting and drunkenness2 not in chambering and wantonness2 not in strife and envying3 but put ye on the ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 and make not provision for the flesh1 to fulfil the lusts thereof4 ,romans xiii4 #ac40 8,i could read no farther1 nor was there need3 for at the end of those lines1 as it were with a new light of confidence streaming into my soul1 the darkness of all former doubting and hesitancy was dispelled40 998,o ,jesus ,christ1 my helper1 and my ,redeemer6 ,how sweet on a sudden became it to me1 to submit my neck to thy easy yoke1 and my shoulders1 unto thy light burden4,and what before1 it was my fear to lose1 how was it now my joy to dismiss6 ,for thou the true1 and the supreme sweetness1 didst expel them from me3 thou expelledst them and thyself enteredst into me instead of them3 more delicious than all delights1 but not to flesh and blood3 more bright and glorious than all light1 but to the inward hidden man1 exalted above the heights of all honour1 but not to those who exalt themselves4,and now my infant tongue began to converse with thee1 my ambition1 and my riches1 and my salvation1 my ,lord ,god60 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,of his finding rest to his soul4 ,,although the night had hitherto hung upon his soul1 yet he frequently saw the promise of deliverance at a distance4 ,but now the day-spring from on high began to dawn upon him4 ,the manner of which he describes as follows1 8,having given an account of my convictions1 ,i think it may not be improper to relate likewise1 how the promise was fulfilled in me4 ,and this also is the work of the ,holy ,ghost1 convincing of righteousness as he doth of sin4 8#ast4 ,he kindled in my soul earnest desires towards ,god4 ,there was a tenderness in my heart4 ,it began to warm and dissolve after it was broken by the law1 and scorched by the wrath of ,god2 and to be a little comforted and encouraged4 998#b;dly4 ,light began to spring up in my mind4 ,i saw at length1 not my guilt only1 but likewise the all sufficiency of ,christ1 and his atonement4 ,i was convinced that he came to seek and to save lost sinners3 that he tasted death for every man2 that he willeth all men to be saved1 and come to the knowledge of the truth1 in order thereto4 ,o what a glorious view had ,i of the mercy of ,god in giving his ,son1 and of the unspeakable love and pity of ,christ in dying for sinners4 ,i was constrained to cry out1 ,lord1 what manner of love is this1 wherewith thou has loved us6 ,what is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of him6 ,but ,i could not yet say that ,i had redemption in the blood of ,christ1 the forgiveness of my sins4 ,i did not experience the merit of his death applied to my soul4 8#c;dly4 ,but ,i had strong hope that ,god would be merciful to my unrighteousness1 and blot out my sins for his name sake4 ,i could see the promise and pardon held forth to me1 though as yet ,i was not able to lay hold of them4 ,at certain seasons indeed ,i could be almost confident that there was no condemnation to me2 and could venture my soul upon ,christ1 for life and salvation4 ,but this soon vanished away1 which convinced me it was not justifying faith1 else the witness would be in my heart2 for he that believeth on the ,son of ,god hath the witness in himself4 ,and because ye are sons1 ,god hath sent forth the spirit of his ,son into your heart crying1 ,abba1 ,father4 #a ,john v4 #aj4 ,galatians iv4 #f4 8#dthly4 ,there was kindled in my soul a still more vehement thirst after ,christ4 ,nothing could now satisfy me short of the assured knowledge1 that ,i had an interest in his blood4 ,my soul was sick with fervent longings4 ,i esteemed all things but dung and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of ,christ ,jesus4 ,he appeared altogether lovely to me4 ,i beheld all glory1 all happiness1 all riches1 and honour in the ,saviour4 ,i had no desire after other things3 all relish for them was gone1 #8,give me ,christ1 or else ,i die6' ,sin lost its power1 so that no sin had dominion over me4 ,i was so taken up in beholding the ,lord ,jesus1 in reading and in prayer1 that ,i had no desire of any thing else4 ,neither the lust of the flesh1 the lust of the eye1 nor the pride of life1 had any power over me4 ,but yet ,i could not say1 ,i was then a believer4 ,i had indeed an utter hatred to all sin1 and power to forsake every thing that ,i believed to be offensive to ,god1 and contrary to the holy will of my ,lord ,jesus1 whom ,i sought and desired above all things visible or invisible4 8#ethly4 ,and now1 about four months after my most deep awakenings1 and joining the ,methodist society1 the clear day began to shine and the ,lord1 who is rich in mercy visited me with his salvation4 ,he brought me out of the horrible pit1 and miry clay1 and set my feet upon the rock ,christ ,jesus4 ,the particular manner of which was as follows1 8,coming into the room where we were accustomed to meet together1 to hear the word of exhortation2 before preaching began1 ,i sat musing4 ,my soul was looking out and longing for ,christ1 as the watchman for the morning4 ,the congregation being assembled1 the servant of ,god 7,mr4 ,w4 ,t47 poured out his soul in prayer4 ,and as he prayed1 the power of the ,lord came down in the midst of us4 ,the windows of heaven were opened1 and the skies poured down righteousness4 ,my heart melted like wax before the fire2 especially at the mention of those words1 ,who is this that cometh from ,edom1 with dyed garments from ,bozrah8 ,this that is glorious in his apparel travelling in the greatness of his strength8 ,and again1 at the singing those words in the hymn4 8,behold the ,saviour of mankind1 ,nail'd to the shameful tree6 ,how vast the love that him inclin'd ,to bleed1 and die for thee6 ',tis done6 the precious ransom's paid2 ,receive my soul he cries2 ,see1 where he bows his sacred head6 ,he bows his head and dies40 8,the former words in the prayer1 and these in the hymn1 came with such power to my heart that ,i was constrained to cry out1 ,bless the ,lord1 ,o my soul1 and all that is within me1 bless his holy name2 for he hath forgiven all mine iniquity1 and healed my diseases4 8,and now ,i was divinely assured that ,god1 for ,christ's sake1 had forgiven me all my sins4 ,the ,spirit of ,god bore witness with my spirit that ,i was a child of ,god4 ,mercy and truth met together in my heart2 righteousness and peace kissed each other4 ,yea1 so great was the deliverance1 and so strong the consolation1 that ,i could not contain myself4 ,i broke out into tears of joy and love1 having obtained such mercy ,i could not but join with the angels to sing praises to him that sitteth upon the throne1 and to the ,lamb1 who so loved me1 and washed me from my sins1 in his own blood4 ,a new song was indeed put into my mouth1 even of thanksgiving unto my ,god4 998,i had often in private cried aloud to ,god1 yet it was not till now1 that ,i did so in the congregation4 ,but my wound being healed1 a necessity was laid upon me to declare what the ,lord had done for my soul4 ,in the same hour another who sat next to me was filled with joy and peace in believing4 ,we both withdrew to another room1 and gave thanks and praise to ,god together4 8,and now ,i felt of a truth that faith in ,christ1 is the substance or subsistance of things hoped for1 and an evidence of things not seen4 ,god1 and the things of the invisible world1 of which ,i had only heard before by the hearing of the ear1 appeared now in their true light1 as substantial realities1 and for him4 998,i could now lay hold on ,christ1 and the promises of ,god through him4 ,faith in his blood brought heaven into my breast1 and filled me with righteousness1 and peace and joy in the ,holy ,ghost4 ,it gave me to see a reconciled ,god1 and an all sufficient ,saviour4 ,and thus was it an evidence to me4 ,through this faith ,i could say1 ,christ loved me1 and gave himself for me4 ,o this is the gift of ,god6 ,faith of the operation of the ,holy ,ghost40 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,of the confirmation of his soul in the grace of ,god1 and the happy effects which it produced in him4 ,,he lived now as in another world4 ,behold ,god is my salvation1 went through the whole of his heart and conduct4 ,his soul was delighted with those good things reserved for1 and enjoyed only by such as love ,god4 ,he so tasted that the ,lord is gracious1 as left no room1 at present1 for evil reasonings1 and engrossed his whole body and soul for ,god4 ,the overflowings of his joy corresponding with his former sorrow1 rendered him happy beyond all description4 ,and this1 as may be observed in the experience of the faithful1 is commonly the case2 the peace and joy of justified souls1 being usually proportionate to their previous distress2 ,god in this respect likewise1 comforting them according to the time wherein he had shewed them trouble4 ,the grand enquiry is 8,am ,i really converted8 ,am ,i now at peace1 and in fellowship with ,god my ,saviour80 ,if so1 is not the precise how immaterial8 ,such persons then as have been led by slow1 and gradual steps2 who have by a comparatively easy transition passed from darkness to light1 ,let them give glory to their deliverer1 and not1 on this account1 perplex themselves with scruples for having been so gently dealt with4 ,let them live only for ,him1 and they shall be finally approved1 in the presence of ,god and of his holy angels4 ,his happiness now received daily increase from the undoubted assurances which he received of the genuine change4 ,he observes1 8the more ,i compare my experience with the word of ,god1 and with the experience of his children1 ,i am the more confirmed that it is no delusion1 no fancy2 but a real work of ,god1 a saving change wrought in my soul by the ,spirit of ,god1 through faith in the ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,i am persuaded however that the natural man1 7#a ,corinthians ii4 #ad47 cannot receive the things of the ,spirit of ,god4 ,he has neither eyes to see1 nor a heart to understand them4 ,a stranger doth not intermeddle with this joy4 ,it is the hidden manna1 and the white stone1 and the new name 7of adoption7 written thereon1 7,revelation ii4 #ag47 which no man knoweth save he that receiveth it4 ,glory1 glory be to ,god on high6 8,now did ,i find the yoke of ,christ to be easy indeed1 and his burden light4 ,his thoughts and commandments were sweet to my soul1 sweeter than honey to my tongue4 ,it was my comfort all the day long to praise my ,lord1 and to walk in the ways which he set before me4 ,he created me unto good works1 and ,i chearfully walked in them40 ,the ,love of ,god being thus shed abroad in his heart enabled him rightly to love his brother also4 ,his soul was drawn out in good will and tender affection to every creature3 neighbours and strangers1 friends and enemies4 8,i could 7says he7 unfeignedly love them that hated me1 and pray for them that despitefully used and persecuted me60 ,thus truly evidencing himself1 to be a child of his ,father in heaven4 99,but he did not stop here4 ,his soul thirsted more and more for all the mind that was in ,christ ,jesus4 ,he followed after1 and longed for1 an entire renovation2 for nearer and stronger union and communion with the ,lord ,jesus3 nor could he be at all easy1 otherwise than in a free and near access to him1 and a sweet enjoyment of his gracious presence4 ,his constant cry was1 8,make me holy4 ,fulfil in me all the good pleasure of thy goodness1 and the work of faith with power40 ,for this he struggled1 and pleaded much with ,god4 ,this was early his mark1 and the glorious prize at which he aimed throughout the residue of his christian race4 ,his enjoyments were hitherto1 with scarce the smallest alloy1 having had1 not so much as a doubt concerning the reality of what had passed in his soul4 ,the fury of the oppressor was so restrained1 and the light of divine truth so abode with him1 that he continually set to his seal that ,god is love1 and taketh pleasure in the prosperity of his children4 ,all fear of death and hell was removed from him2 neither had sin any dominion over him4 8,god 7says he7 gave me the victory thro' our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 whose righteousness was imputed to me for the remission of my sins60 8,therefore did ,i know that ,i was a child of ,god1 under grace1 because sin did not reign in my mortal body1 that ,i should obey it in the desires thereof4 ,if so much as an evil thought was at any time injected1 or the remains of the old man began to stir in me1 ,i had immediate power to resist and overcome them6 8,tempted indeed ,i was2 but in every temptation there was a way made for my escape4 ,whenever the enemy came in upon me as a flood1 ,jesus appointed salvation for walls and bulwarks around me4 ,he lifted up a standard against him1 and frustrated all his counsels3 for greater is he that was in me1 than he that is in the world4 998,i may say in few words1 that the kingdom of ,god was within me4 ,i fed upon marrow and fatness1 and with comfort drew water out of the wells of salvation4 ,sin1 and temptation1 and pain fled before the ,lord ,jesus1 who dwelt in my heart by faith4 ,i walked and talked with ,god all the day long4 ,whatsoever ,i believed to be his will1 ,i did to the uttermost of my power1 with my whole heart4 ,prayer1 reading1 fasting1 watching1 communicating1 and ,christian fellowship1 were the joy of my soul4 ,the commandments of ,god1 and his holy laws1 were my delight4 ,i not only rejoiced ever more1 but prayed without ceasing1 and in every thing gave thanks1 whether ,i eat or drank1 or whatever ,i did1 it was indeed in the name of the ,lord ,jesus1 and to the glory of ,god60 ,,chapter ,x4 ,his employment among his ,christian brethren1 and the treatment he met with from the world4 99,,the treasure of light and love1 which ,god had put into the soul of his servant1 began now1 to shine clearly to others4 ,they could easily discern an amazing change in his very aspect1 as well as tempers1 and conduct in general4 ,the calm1 and at the same time1 divine chearfulness and serenity of his soul1 rendered him a desirable1 as well as useful member of their religious meetings4 ,and the loving zeal which he felt for promoting the glory of his dying ,god1 prompted him to exert himself with much fervour in the service of his neighbour4 ,thus with a heart set on fire1 to pay1 at least some small returns1 for all that ocean of mercy1 and love which he had experienced in himself1 he sought opportunities1 and embraced every occasion of imparting all the good which he possibly could to others2 till it seemed good to those who directed their religious exercises to appoint him leader of a class1 7so called7 that is1 a little company of ,christian friends1 mutually agreed to meet together weekly1 in order to their furtherance in the way of godliness3 one person of which was stiled leader4 ,this was the little office assigned him at present1 in which 8,my business 7says he7 was1 #ast4 ,to see each person in my class once a week1 and if any were absent1 to enquire into the cause4 #b4 ,whenever we met together1 to sing psalms or hymns1 and to pray with them4 #c4 ,to examine how their souls prospered1 and what progress they had made the preceeding week in the way of the ,lord80 ,whether they were unanimously determined to serve ,god with their whole heart8 ,if any had fallen into sin1 they were reproved2 if tempted1 they were comforted and encouraged2 and those who ran well1 adorning their profession in all things1 were exhorted still to press forward1 and give glory to ,god4 ,after a faithful1 and friendly examination of each other 7between which and the ,popish ,auricular ,confession1 with which some have erroneously or unkindly parallel'd it1 there is scarce the most distant resemblance7 they concluded with praising ,god and prayers suited to their several conditions4 8parrallel'd0 replaced with 8parallel'd0 ,but besides this1 he met with the whole society two or three times a week1 when with praises and prayers1 there was always a word of exhortation preached or read4 ,and it pleased ,god1 to testify his approbation thereof1 by the singular display of his presence amongst them2 by replenishing their souls with abundance of his grace and heavenly benediction4 99,and1 8,o 7adds he7 how wonderfully did we experience the power1 and love of ,god1 whenever we made prayer and supplication to him6 ,we had a heaven among us2 a paradise within us6 ,the ,lord poured such peace and joy into our hearts1 and we were often so happy that we did not know how to part4 ,we lived as brethren1 and strove together for the hope of the gospel4 ,we were of one heart1 and of one mind1 in the presence of ,god4 ,and is not this the communion of ,saints80 ,so dear the tye1 where souls agree ,in ,jesu's dying love2 ,then only can it closer be1 ,when all are join'd above6 ,mean time1 his hitherto undisturbed repose1 began to be sorely assaulted4 ,his relations now took a second alarm4 8,they thought 7says he7 ,that ,i was turned heretic altogether40 ,to forsake the church of ,rome1 and declare himself a member of the church of ,england1 was bad enough1 and with them matter of much displeasure2 but to become a ,methodist beside6 ,this they judged the very consummation of apostacy1 and gave him up as undone for ever4 ,and it was not only his kindred1 who so judged of him1 8,but 7adds he7 my neighbours in general were like-minded with my relations1 and not only those of the church of ,rome2 but several likewise who called themselves ,protestants4 ,they were extremely angry that ,i should1 as they called it1 #8change my religion4'0 ,in reality this is no alteration of the case2 it is in this respect no more than a name3 a true ,methodist 7for they are not all ,israel who are called ,israel7 being no other than a true ,churchman4 ,they make not so much as a pretence to be a distinct1 independant body of people4 ,they are properly a religious society1 7not a new thing in ,england7 consisting1 for the most part of professed members of the church of ,england2 whose only design is to promote among each other1 and mankind in general1 the genuine religion of ,jesus ,christ4 8,and now did ,i see plainly1 that persons of every denomination1 who are yet in their sins1 under the guilt and power of them1 are at enmity against ,christ4 ,and that ,protestants1 as well as ,papists1 have naturally a spirit of calumny and persecution40 ,alas1 names and opinions1 what are they8 ,they do not1 cannot alter the nature of men or things2 and experience abundantly shews1 how little influence they have over the tempers and life of the generality of mankind4 8,reformed and unreformed 7adds he7 ,i found it to be just alike2 and that many who spoke against the ,pope and ,inquisition were themselves in reality of the same spirit40 duplicate word 8the0 removed 8,when ,i was first converted1 ,i had no notion that people could hate1 and speak evil of me1 for fearing ,god1 and working righteousness4 ,but experience has taught me otherwise1 ,i soon found the truth of the apostle's words1 ,that all who will live godly in ,christ ,jesus1 shall suffer persecution1 7#b ,timothy iii4 #ab47 relations1 acquaintance1 and neighbours1 rich and poor1 old and young1 clergy and laity1 were all against me4 ,some said ,i was an hypocrite2 others that ,i was mad2 others1 judging more favourably1 that ,i was deceived4 ,many that before thought well2 yea1 highly of me1 knew not how to harbour a good thought of me40 ,this is not indeed the avowed reason of the opposition which the world has in all ages made to the servants of ,christ4 ,but that it is the true one the scriptures abundantly testify4 ,but when ,god speaks powerfully to the heart1 the sentiments and words of men1 be they flattering or threatning1 make but little impression4 ,he was therefore so far from being moved by this treatment1 that it became to him1 rather a confirmation of the doctrine of the ,son of ,god1 who says1 expressly1 ,wo unto you1 when all men shall speak well of you2 and blessed are ye when men shall revile you1 and persecute you1 and shall say all manner of evil of you falsely for my name-sake4 8,of a truth the world lieth in the wicked one4 ,and they who are after the flesh1 will hate and persecute them that are after the ,spirit4 ,the devil hates ,christ and his children4 ,it is the ,spirit of ,christ in his children1 which that evil spirit in the children of disobedience so violently opposes4 ,the spirit of the world lusteth to envy4 ,the devil envied ,adam2 so did ,cain his brother ,abel3 and as it has been of old time1 so it is at this day4 ,light can have no communion with darkness1 neither ,christ with ,belial4 ,in this respect1 there is nothing new under the sun2 but that which hath been1 is the thing that is4 ,the true worshippers of ,god1 under the old ,testament1 and the sincere disciples of ,christ1 under the new1 have been evil treated by those among whom they lived4 ,they hated them1 because their works were righteous4 ,and so it is even now40 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,his providential appointment to labour for the good of his neighbour1 by preaching the gospel4 ,,he had from his first thorough awakening1 a love to1 and concern for the souls of others4 ,the same cause which made him so solicitous for his own salvation1 produced in him a tender sympathy for the souls of his neighbours1 and the apprehensions he had of his own danger1 impelled him to warn others also4 ,the hand of ,god was1 no doubt1 in this1 as well as in the whole series of his preceeding conversion4 ,his adorable wisdom1 had appointed him an instrument of saving souls from endless misery2 having first prepared him for it 7without his knowledge of any such design7 by the hell1 and heaven1 so to speak1 of his own experience4 ,even before he had obtained mercy1 he began to warn others1 exhorting all1 with whom he had any sort of intercourse1 to flee from the wrath to come4 ,thus 7as he observes7 8while ,i was in unbelief myself1 ,i sometimes forgot my own condition through eagerness of desire for the salvation of other souls40 ,mean time it was frequently impressed upon his mind1 8,you must preach the gospel4 ,thou shalt bear public testimony to the truth of ,god10 by openly declaring his loving kindness1 in the redemption of the world4 ,but he often resisted the thought1 urging the impossibility thereof1 from a variety of considerations1 and saying in effect1 ,send by whom thou wilt send2 but send not me4 ,indeed1 though he might have never so much desired it1 in submission to the will of ,god2 nevertheless1 when the thought first presented itself to him1 being a conscious unbeliever1 he might have justly said1 and it was the language of his heart1 8,how shall ,i teach the world to praise8 ,unchang'd my heart1 unloos'd my tongue8 ,give me the power of faith to prove1 ,and ,jesus shall be all my song40 ,influenced by these kinds of considerations1 he could not1 while he remained himself under the bondage1 think of publishing peace and liberty to others4 ,but the case was1 in some degree altered1 after he had tasted that the ,lord is gracious4 ,he was then drawn out more abundantly with love to souls1 and his conviction became still stronger1 that he must preach ,christ ,jesus to the people4 ,this put him upon earnest prayer1 and frequent fastings1 to know1 assuredly1 the will of ,god1 in a matter1 which he rightly judged of so great moment4 8,i prostrated myself before the ,lord 7says he7 and intreated him1 to shew me his pleasure herein2 to convince me by his holy spirit1 whether the thoughts of my heart were according to his holy will1 and1 whether ,i ought to speak in his name2 or if ,i was under a delusion1 to shew me this also1 and deliver me from it4 ,i could appeal to the searcher of hearts1 that ,i desired only to glorify him and do his will in all things40 ,he conducted himself in it with all possible secresy2 being even then persuaded1 that the affairs of ,god are to be carried on without noise2 and that no ostentation should be used even in forsaking all to serve ,christ1 in this or any other way4 ,and yet to see him employed always for ,god1 spending his time only in reading1 writing1 exhorting others1 and in profound meditation1 it was easy to imagine that he either projected something for ,god's glory1 more than could be executed by him in private2 or1 at least1 that whether he had any such design1 or not1 ,god meant it concerning him4 ,he still kept the affair within his own breast having mentioned it to no one person whatsoever2 till from some words he occasionally dropped1 one day among his brethren1 one of them gathered1 that he had some thoughts of that kind4 ,at length it became matter of much and earnest prayer1 among the most serious of his ,christian acquaintance1 with whom1 afterwards1 he held frequent conversations on the head2 being fearful of taking one step in a matter of so great importance1 without the clearest intimations of the divine good-pleasure4 ,he well knew that to engage in the endeavour of saving souls from death1 was to commence war with ,satan1 and all the sons of disobedience2 nevertheless1 being at length persuaded of the will of ,god1 and not knowing how soon he might be in another world1 the great concernment of miserable souls1 prevailed with him to engage in it2 concluding that if but one or two persons1 might by his means be won to ,god1 it would recompense any treatment he might meet with in the world4 ,he was fully disposed to sacrifice his reputation1 as well as life1 to advance the kingdom of the ,son of ,god4 ,he judged that the knowledge of languages1 and other branches of human literature1 are highly expedient1 and in some cases necessary2 but that however1 they are not absolutely so1 in order to qualify a man for preaching the gospel with success4 ,he knew that he might understand sound doctrine1 and hold fast a form of sound speech1 without the knowledge of either ,latin1 ,greek1 or ,hebrew4 ,he nevertheless1 at no time spoke disrespectfully of learning3 quite the contrary2 but yet perceived with adoration the truth of ,st4 ,paul's words1 with reference to the divine conomy1 in the management of the affairs of his kingdom3 ,after that in the wisdom of ,god2 according to his wise disposals1 leaving them to make the trial1 the world1 whether ,jewish or ,gentile1 by all their boasted ,wisdom knew not ,god1 it pleased ,god by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe4 7#a ,corinthians i4 #ba47 ,he well knew by this time1 that it is the inspiration of the ,almighty1 giving heavenly understanding1 which only1 avails here2 that the most shining abilities1 natural or acquired1 without the wisdom that is from above1 and the anointing of the ,holy ,ghost1 are1 in the account of ,god1 in respect of bringing sons to glory1 lighter than vanity2 nor better than sounding brass1 or a tinkling cymbal4 ,in fact1 that the learning of the world1 used otherwise1 than in subservience to the true interests of ,jesus ,christ1 in teaching1 and vindicating simplicity1 and purity of heart1 and subjection in life to him1 rather feeds the pride of human understanding1 and makes a person more like ,satan than he would be without it3 but that rightly used1 it is a good gift of ,god1 and greatly conducive to his glory4 ,indeed from his earliest days1 he did not neglect any means which was in his power1 for the cultivating his understanding4 ,but he now set himself to this point2 impelled as it were thereto from his being more abundantly pressed in spirit1 concerning the matter which he had so long in debate with himself2 which was now1 every day1 more plain to him4 ,he therefore applied with all diligence to what he judged the most suitable studies2 in which he spent the greatest part of his waking hours4 ,the word of life had however1 the chief share of his attention4 ,he made this his one1 favourite study and delight1 from this time especially1 till he could work no longer4 ,he read it much upon his knees1 in the spirit of prayer4 ,the following is a specimen only1 of his continued practice1 8,lord ,jesus1 ,i lay my soul at thy feet to be taught and governed by thee4 ,take the veil from the mystery1 and shew me the truth as it is in thyself4 ,be thou my sun and star1 by day and by night60 ,this was the way in which he sought for wisdom to win souls1 and by which his profiting so visibly appeared to all men4 ,his increasing knowledge in the things of ,god1 was an additional confirmation to him1 of the divine appointment concerning him4 ,the hidden treasures1 and depth of truth in ,god's word2 his mysterious wisdom in the methods of salvation1 were every day1 more and more clearly revealed to him4 ,the sealed book was now opened1 and thereby1 through the assistance of the ,spirit of truth1 his judgment grew clearer1 and stronger1 in the fundamental doctrines of repentance1 justification and holiness4 ,he professes that1 if at any time he was in doubt concerning any point of doctrine1 or the sense of any passage of scripture1 his divine instructor convinced him1 that either it was not needful for him to know it then2 or if it was1 directed him1 either immediately by himself1 through some divine impression1 or the providential provision of some person or book1 whereby his doubts were always solved4 ,the concern which he felt for the salvation of his neighbour still increased upon him1 and a burning desire that every body might be as happy in the ,lord ,jesus1 as he felt himself1 engrossed all his thoughts4 8,the ,spirit of ,god 7says he7 now convinced me clearly1 not only of sin and of righteousness in my own soul1 but likewise1 how the work of conversion is to be carried on in the souls of others4 ,i was athirst for divine knowledge4 ,i desired to be ever in the school of ,christ1 learning the lessons of his grace4 ,the glory of the ,lord often passed before me in prayer1 and the light of eternity shone upon my soul1 while my ,lord fed me as with marrow and fatness60 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,he begins to preach4 ,,what he had done hitherto1 with reference to the conversion of souls1 was only as necessity obliged him4 ,the peace1 and perfection of his own soul1 being his main object of concern1 till providence1 having designed him for the ministry of the gospel1 put him upon more extensive measures for promoting the kingdom of ,christ4 ,he began to consider more nearly1 that souls having cost our ,saviour so dear1 nothing could be done more acceptable to him than to prevent their loss2 and that the glory of ,god's majesty1 did most shine in the salvation of sinners purchased with the blood of his ,son4 ,these considerations kindled in him such love to mankind1 that he could no longer refrain from exhorting1 first his ,christian brethren1 with all fervour1 to devote their hearts without reserve to ,god2 and next1 every soul with whom he had any sort of intercourse4 ,his heart bled for poor careless sinners against ,god1 and their own souls4 ,the word of the ,lord was in him1 so that he could not but speak4 ,he knew not how to forbear publishing as on the house top1 that infinite love which dealt so graciously with himself4 8,it is not enough that ,i serve our ,lord3 all hearts must love him1 and all tongues must praise him60 ,god touched his heart in such a manner as to leave no doubt whether this appointment was from heaven2 and the concurrence of outward providences confirmed his internal persuasion4 ,thus1 freed from all farther wavering and irresolution1 he entered upon that employment1 which he verily believed1 he would wish he had done at the hour of death1 and in the day of judgment4 ,desirous therefore to exercise his ,lord's talent1 and the time affording a providential provision for it1 even out of the ordinary way2 he took the opportunity of his present connexions1 and without looking farther1 pursued the following measures4 8,i opened1 7says he7 my mind to that man of ,god1 the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley4 ,i spoke my thoughts freely1 and without disguise1 desiring his advice on the occasion2 which he sweetly and humbly gave me3 adding withal1 that ,i might write to him afterwards4 ,i did so1 giving him a brief account of my conversion to ,god1 and of what ,i experienced in my soul concerning preaching4 ,his answer was as follows1 8,my dear brother1 8,it is hard to judge what ,god has called you to1 till trial is made4 ,therefore when you have an opportunity1 you may go to ,shronil1 and spend two or three days with the people there4 ,speak to them in ,irish40 ,shronil is a village in the county of ,tipperary1 distant from the place he then resided at ,new-,market1 about thirty ,english miles4 ,the inhabitants1 many of whom were ,protestant ,dissenters1 had sometime before gladly received the word of ,god from the ,methodists4 ,thither he went1 accompanied by one of his own brothers1 and another of his ,christian brethren2 having been commended to the grace of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 by the earnest prayers of several of the children of ,god4 8,we walked it1 7says he7 and gave ourselves to prayer1 conversing of the things of the kingdom of heaven1 and exhorting those we met with in the way to fear the ,lord1 and depart from evil40 ,they arrived there the next day1 which was in ,july #agej4 ,the brethren received them kindly in the ,lord1 though they were unknown to them by face4 ,and having had knowledge of his errand1 and informed their neighbours1 there assembled in the evening1 a considerable congregation1 to whom1 for the first time1 he preached the word of ,god1 choosing for his text1 the words of ,st4 ,paul1 ,therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law4 ,he did so again the next morning1 on ,being justified by faith1 we have peace with ,god1 through our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 7,romans v4 #a47 and in like manner1 morning and evening1 during the few days he stayed among them4 ,and the ,lord bore testimony to the word of his grace4 ,for although some1 7as has always been the case17 contradicted and mocked1 yet others were deeply affected1 and some were turned to the ,lord1 8,so gracious was ,god 7as he adds7 to own the labour of his poor creature1 and to bless the word of his weakest and meanest messenger4 ,not unto me1 but unto thy name be the glory6 ,o ,god1 thou hast done the work4 ,thou didst give the word1 and didst also apply it2 for thou only canst turn the hearts of the disobedient to the wisdom of the just4 ,o my ,god1 stand by me still2 and as hitherto thou hast helped me1 never leave nor forsake me3 but keep my soul in peace1 and give me a humble1 and a meek spirit4 ,let me labour diligently in thy vineyard1 and spend my life and strength in the labour of love4 ,amen1 ,lord ,jesus60 ,thus have we brought to a conclusion what was proposed in this first part2 having seen him from his youth1 through the various travels of his soul1 the whole process of his conversion1 till his heart being at liberty1 he began to publish the voice of wisdom to all around him4 ,it remains1 to give some account of his labours1 trials1 and success in the ,lord's work1 together with the general tenor of his experience1 till ,god was pleased to call him hence4 ,,part ,,ii4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of his entire application to preaching the gospel4 ,,it being now1 no longer matter of doubt1 what the will of ,god was concerning him2 trial having been made1 and the fruit answering to the design1 he resolved to defer no longer1 stirring up the gift of ,god which was in him4 ,setting aside therefore every other concern1 and employment1 he devoted himself entirely to the work of which he believed ,god had assigned him4 ,he set out with a resolution to give himself up wholly to the dictates of the ,holy ,ghost1 and to be ready to go what way soever the voice of heaven should call him4 ,and that his understanding might not be dissipated1 and scattered upon divers objects1 and so have less force to enter deep into the things of ,god1 he began his work with applying himself altogether to the study of the holy scriptures1 and to prayer4 ,and the proficiency which by those means he made daily1 in the wisdom that is from above1 quickly appeared4 ,he truly laboured in the word1 and faithfully and fervently enforced the divine truths he learned there from4 ,his soul became strangely enlarged in labours of love for the salvation of his neighbour2 while he imparted to them abundantly what ,god had so richly1 and so freely bestowed upon him4 ,the words of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ were in general exceeding precious to him2 and from his first acquaintance with them1 his whole delight and his counsellors4 ,the whole of his following conduct to his death1 seemed influenced by those words of ,christ 7applicable to all real ,christians7 ,ye are the salt of the earth4 ,ye are the light of the world4 ,a city set upon an hill cannot be hid3 neither do men 7much less ,god7 light a candle1 to put it under a bushel1 that is1 hide it2 but on a candlestick1 that it may give light to all about it4 ,and now1 the divine providence concurring with his convictions and inclination1 made his way clear1 to put into execution what he had been so long deliberating upon4 ,conferring therefore no longer with flesh and blood1 and resolving to deny himself1 and take up his cross to follow ,jesus1 he bid farewel to his kindred1 and to his acquaintance in general4 ,choosing the ,lord for his sole portion1 he literally left all1 and went out into the wide world1 entirely unanxious about what he should eat1 or what he should drink1 or wherewithal he should be cloathed1 being fully persuaded1 that an entire reliance on ,god was all things4 ,he went to spend his life in beseeching sinners to be reconciled to ,god4 ,thus1 8,by ,christ himself ordain'd and sent1 ,an herald of redeeming grace1 ,eager to the highways he went1 ,and fill'd the land with ,jesu's praise60 ,this was about the latter end of ,august #agej1 when going from the place of his nativity to ,limerick1 he had daily opportunity of publishing those glad tidings1 which he first heard in that city1 and which became the power of ,god to his salvation4 ,at first1 he commonly expounded the scriptures every morning3 and after a little while1 both evening and morning1 with much earnestness exhorted and besought multitudes1 who attended his discourses1 to seek the ,lord while he may be found4 ,and it pleased ,god immediately to bear testimony to the word of his grace by him4 ,several persons who heard him1 and who1 till then1 had been careless and utterly unconcerned about the matter1 became seriously concerned for their salvation2 while in the mean time others1 who had been deeply distressed with the guilt of sin1 felt his word1 the power of ,god unto salvation4 ,he was about this time called to bear reproach for his work's sake4 ,the minds of some persons became evil affected towards him4 ,the interests of the ,god of this world1 had already suffered loss by his zeal1 and unwearied diligence1 and they were in danger of suffering yet more4 ,satan therefore by every means endeavoured to prevent the fruit of his labours4 ,his unpolished youth2 his roughness both of address and dialect1 owing partly to natural temper1 partly to having been brought up much in the country1 and partly to his having been formerly of the church of ,rome2 but more than all1 his being a native of that neighbourhood1 gave some persons occasion for being deeply offended at him1 who expressed it by their unkind1 and uncivil treatment towards him4 ,this ,i had from some of the persons themselves1 a considerable time after1 who mentioned it to their own reproach1 that he1 whom then they so loved and honoured was nevertheless1 once the object of their scorn4 ,there is in some parts of ,ireland a very remarkable difference between the dialect of the ,protestants1 and ,romanists1 even of the same county or parish4 ,what is called the brogue1 in its excess is a sort of ,shibboleth for the latter2 and among the younger sort of ,protestants especially1 a term of reproach4 ,i remember it was a very common objection to him1 when he preached first in the town of my nativity4 ,but as he sought not his own things1 neither strove to please man1 having in view only the glory of ,god1 and the good of souls1 this did not in the least damp his fervour1 or retard his progress4 ,as he saw daily the fruit of his labours1 so he was not to be hindered1 or discouraged by any treatment of himself2 rather he rejoiced in contempt for his master's sake4 ,he had put his hand to the plough 7,luke ix4 #fb47 and having counted the cost1 settled it in his heart not to look back4 ,he waxed still stronger1 and grew every day more mighty in the scriptures1 and in conformity to our ,lord1 as well as more instrumental in bringing others acquainted with the only true ,god1 and our ,saviour ,jesus ,christ4 ,there are many instances of the good effects of these his first labours4 ,it plainly appeared that the word of ,god in his mouth was attended with the power of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,it was not an uncommon case1 for persons to be so penetrated by his fervent discourses1 as to resolve not to leave the place1 till they should find rest in their souls1 and the instances were not a few1 to whom the ,god of love condescended even in this particular by sending then the ,spirit of adoption into their hearts1 testifying ,thy sins are forgiven2 and enabling them to cry ,abba ,father4 ,his time was now wholly taken up in searching1 expounding1 and enforcing the scriptures1 which he did both in public and in private2 and prayer1 visiting the sick1 and whatsoever other particular employments occasional1 or stated1 had any relation to his one purpose of spending1 and being spent in the service of his master4 ,and having been thus employed at ,limerick for some time1 it was judged expedient1 that he should go and preach the gospel in other places also4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,he goes into the provinces of ,leinster and ,connought and preaches the word there4 ,,his way into those parts had1 in some degree1 been prepared before him3 many having received that gospel1 which he preached from others of his brethren4 ,he followed them flaming with desire for the salvation of souls1 and with zeal for the glory of his master4 ,by this stripling many stout-hearted ,goliah's were reduced to the obedience of ,christ4 ,his labours now1 were greater than he had hitherto known2 for beside preaching always twice1 and sometimes thrice a day1 he often travelled many miles between4 ,but it was rendered pleasant to him1 doing it heartily as to the ,lord4 ,where love is1 there is no labour1 and if there be labour1 the labour is loved4 ,yes1 it carries a burden without a burden4 ,his endeavours were crown'd with much success4 ,multitudes of people of all denominations attended his preaching1 wherever he came2 so that in a little time he was generally known all around the country4 ,now therefore did the ,god of this world stir up his emissaries4 ,he has been sometimes waylaid in his journey1 and escaped their hands1 only by remarkable interpositions of divine providence4 ,it may be tedious to enumerate all the instances4 ,the following ,i set down abridged from his journal4 8,thursday1 ,january #d1 #agej4 ,with much weakness of body1 ,i preached this morning1 and soon after set out for ,rosgrea4 ,about a mile from the town ,i met a large company armed with clubs4 ,seventy-eight men were sworn upon the occasion4 ,at the first sight of them ,i was a little daunted2 but ,i prayed to the ,lord for direction1 and was strengthened4 ,they compelled me to alight1 saying1 ,they would bring a minister of the church of ,england and a ,romish priest to talk with me4 ,i let them know1 ,i preached not against any particular church1 but against sin and wickedness in all4 ,i said1 supposing three persons among you of different denominations2 it may be a ,churchman1 a ,quaker1 and ,papist1 sitting down and drinking to excess1 begin to dispute1 each affirming1 that his was the best religion3 where is the religion of all these men8 ,surely they are without any1 unless it be that of ,belial4 ,they are of their father the devil1 while his works they do40 8,after some further discourse on the design of my coming to preach to them1 and appealing to themselves concerning the necessity of it1 their rage seemed abated1 and then told me1 they would let me go on condition that ,i would swear never more to come to ,rosgrea4 ,but when ,i resolutely refused this1 they consulted on rougher measures2 and after much debate1 were determined to put me into a well1 which they had prepared for that purpose4 ,they hurried me away into the town1 where ,i was surrounded as by so many human wolves4 ,they held a consultation again1 and resolved either to make me swear1 or to put me into the well4 ,but ,i refused either to swear or promise4 ,some then cried vehemently #8,put him in1' but others as positively said1 #8,they should not4' 8,after some time the parish minister came1 who behaved well1 and desired ,i might be set at liberty4 ,they consented1 provided ,i would go out of town immediately4 ,from an inn1 where they confined me1 they brought me out into the street1 and it being market-day1 ,i began to preach to the people4 ,but taking me by the back1 they hurl'd me before them out of town4 ,at length ,i got on horseback1 and taking off my hat1 ,i prayed for them some considerable time4 ,i then called upon them in the name of ,god1 for ,christ's sake1 to repent2 and told them1 as to myself1 in the cause of ,god1 ,i feared neither devils nor men2 that to do their souls good was my sole motive of coming among them1 and that if ,god permitted1 they might put me in the well1 or stone me2 be it how it would1 ,i was content40 8,i came off from them at length in peace of conscience1 and serenity of mind4 ,from the first of it to the last1 ,i was not the least disturbed1 nor stirred in anger or malice towards them4 ,o ,god1 it is thou alone that hast wrought this deliverance for me40 ,he abode in those parts for some months1 and went through both evil and good report4 ,while going about daily1 he endeavoured1 by all means the conversion of their souls4 ,he often wanted proper necessaries for his body1 and much impaired his health1 through the greatness of his fatigues4 ,but this by no means dampt the concern which he felt for perishing sinners1 great numbers of whom were present to his view wherever he came4 ,a desire of being instrumental towards opening their eyes1 and turning them to ,god1 brought him among them2 nor could any personal inconveniences alter his purpose1 till providence directed his way elsewhere4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,some farther account of the trouble he met with on account of preaching the gospel4 ,,our ,saviour1 said of his kingdom1 ,if it were of this world1 then would my servants fight1 that ,i should not be delivered into your hands4 ,satan on the contrary1 is said to be the prince1 and god of this world4 ,and how numerous are his poor vassals6 ,when therefore his servants perceive their master's kingdom in danger1 they do fight1 lest it should be subjected to its rightful ,lord4 ,and hence only can be accounted for that opposition1 which this servant of ,christ1 burning with desire to promote his kingdom1 met with among most denominations of ,christians1 so called1 wherever he came4 ,some1 it is true1 in almost every place1 received the word gladly2 while others not only did not regard it1 but treated him with unkindness1 even to abusive language1 blows1 or imprisonment4 ,the following instance1 and which was the occasion of my first knowledge of him1 happened in the town of my nativity1 about twenty miles from the city of ,cork4 ,at the repeated request of some of the inhabitants1 he went thither accompanied by a few friends from the town of ,bandon1 ,june #aa1 #ageb4 ,the magistrate1 who was also rector of the parish1 the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,william ,ellis1 was applied to for the use of the market-house2 which being refused1 it was proposed1 that he should preach at a small distance from the town4 ,thither he went accompanied by multitudes to whom1 under the canopy of heaven1 near a spacious strand1 and shaded by a spreading tree1 he affectionately declared the gospel of the grace of ,god4 ,by the time he had got to the place appointed1 the magistrate1 had sent his serjeants to forbid him preaching1 8,but being 7to use his own words7 of the opinion1 that it was better to obey ,god than man10 he stept up upon a table prepared for that purpose1 and immediately opening his little bible read to them1 ,job xxi4 #c4 ,suffer me that ,i may speak1 and after that ,i have spoken1 mock on4 ,the seasonable singularity of the text1 so excited their attention1 that they permitted him to finish quietly4 ,the word was with power4 ,several faces were turned to paleness and wet with tears1 while he urged it home upon the conscience1 that our sins were the betrayers and murderers of the ,son of ,god4 ,on his return into the town1 he was seized by the officers1 and brought before the magistrate1 followed by an astonished multitude4 ,being asked many and various questions concerning this way1 he answered fully1 and without fear4 ,the conversation lasted near an hour1 in which he largely explained himself1 giving the reasons of his conduct2 and alledging in its behalf1 precedents both from scripture and from antiquity4 ,but ,mr4 ,ellis1 having predetermined what he would do1 was not to be moved by arguments4 ,he therefore let him know1 that unless he would promise to preach no more in this way1 at least not in those parts1 he should be committed to prison without delay4 ,he replied1 8,that as he had been so earnestly importuned to come there1 he could not1 in conscience1 promise not to come20 and asked1 8,are there no swearers1 drunkards1 sabbath-breakers1 and the like1 in those parts80 ,being answered1 8,there are40 ,he added1 that if after he had preached there a few times1 there appeared to be no reformation among them1 he would never come thither more4 ,but this not satisfying1 he was ordered to prison4 ,he went thither with all readiness1 and esteemed it matter of thanksgiving1 that his ,lord counted him worthy1 to suffer reproach for his name's-sake4 ,several persons accompanied him into the prison1 where1 he1 with his friends1 sang praises to ,god1 and exhorted the people4 ,the street was crouded1 some saying one thing1 and some another2 in general however1 they were displeased at his confinement2 and almost the whole town seemed concerned in his behalf4 ,he still 7as far as his voice would reach7 preached to them thro' the window4 ,the inhabitants shewed the utmost civility towards him2 and not knowing how long he might be confined1 provided bedding and provision for him and his companions4 ,but it was not long before the magistrate sent to let him go4 ,coming out1 and seeing such a number of people1 he would fain1 have preached to them2 but was dissuaded by his friends4 ,he then went to a private room1 and exhorted till ten o'clock1 as many as came to him4 ,he went thither twice afterwards1 and tho' with much contradiction1 preached to them that gospel1 which is the power of ,god unto salvation4 ,his endeavours were not all lost4 ,there are to this hour some of the fruit of his labours in that place2 persons to whom1 because of the blessing which ,god made him to their souls1 his memory will be ever precious4 ,the following instance happened in the north of ,ireland1 some time after1 at a place called ,new-,town1 whether he went on the ,lord's day4 ,at the desire of several persons1 he intended to have preached in a place called the ,church ,green1 where were assembled1 a large company to hear him4 ,but while his hands were lifted up in prayer1 there came one ,mr4 ,mortimer1 a presbyterian1 and with him several hundred persons1 who taking hold of him by the breast1 pulled him with violence to the ground4 ,they hauled him thro' the mob1 and had well nigh choaked him1 when one ,mr4 ,biers freed him from the hands of him who held him4 ,but for this he was soon struck to the ground himself4 ,being got free1 it grieved him exceedingly to see such a willing multitude disappointed2 so he went to a place at some distance from the former4 ,but here likewise1 by the time he had begun1 the same persons pursued him4 ,perceiving therefore that it was vain to attempt preaching1 he retired to a little house in a garden1 at some small distance4 ,but neither here could he be at rest2 the mob followed1 and to avoid their fury1 he was obliged to wade thro' wet meadows1 and then climb over the mountains1 till #8wet and weary1 we 7he had one person with him7 came to the house of one ,mr4 ,ambey1 who supplied us with all we wanted4' ,his tender1 broken constitution could not however1 endure this fatigue1 without feeling its effects4 ,he was obliged in a few days to take to his bed1 where a fever confined him for some time4 ,it need not be dissembled1 that the authors of this outrage towards a stranger1 chargeable with no crime save that of endeavouring to save souls from death1 were a company of ,presbyterians6 ,but alas6 what are names8 8,liberty of conscience1 and right of private judgement10 are good and specious words4 ,but how reconcilable they are to such conduct as this let all the world judge4 ,the state of his heart1 on that occasion1 he expresses thus4 8,in the midst of it all1 my mind was calm4 ,i had no remarkable consolation1 or fear1 or sorrow4 ,i prayed for them1 and do still pray ,god to forgive them1 and not lay this sin to their charge40 ,i pass over a number of other instances of the opposition he met with1 of a private as well as public nature2 and only mention these1 as a specimen of the malice which ,satan bears to ,god's kingdom1 and servants4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,a short account of the endeavours of the ,romish clergy1 to prevent his usefulness among their people4 ,the means he made use of to instruct them1 and the success which he met with therein4 ,,notwithstanding the strict laws which are in force1 to prevent the propagation of ,popery in these kingdoms1 and to restrain the attempts of ,romish priests and jesuits2 it is no secret1 that both in ,ireland and ,england1 their endeavours1 are as unwearied as ever4 ,they compass sea and land all round the globe1 and hardly stick at any thing that may contribute towards their making proselytes4 ,the endeavours of this servant of ,christ1 to convert to him members of that communion1 stirred up their clergy against him wherever he came4 ,his name was well known in all their churches2 and in whatsoever place there appeared but a probability of his coming1 the priests took care1 to render him as obnoxious to the people as they possibly could2 insomuch1 that they stuck at nothing1 though never so false1 to compass their end4 ,they however carefully avoided his having opportunity to talk with themselves4 ,i do not find that from the time of his leaving their communion1 he had ever any settled personal interviews with them1 although for the sake of their poor ignorant people1 for whom he had the tenderest compassion1 he has frequently desired it2 sometimes even in public4 ,one occasional conversation only1 with one of their priests1 on board a ship1 in a passage from ,england to ,dublin1 he relates1 as follows1 8,we discoursed on the following particulars4 #a4 ,the ,pope's infallibility4 #b4 ,transubstantiation4 #c4 ,invocation of saints4 #d4 ,purgatory4 ,but he could not withstand the force of plain scripture1 and therefore withdrew4 ,the company were greatly pleased to find1 how little the ,romish clergy have to say for themselves1 when opposed by arguments taken from scripture and reason40 8occcasional0 replaced with 8occasional0 ,in one place1 7,cl7 the priest informed his congregation1 7to such low shifts were they driven7 and industriously spread abroad1 8that he had been a servant boy to a certain priest1 and that having stolen his master's books1 he learned to preach by that means40 ,the conduct of another of them at ,cork1 was still more extraordinary4 ,there was in that place a vast resort of ,catholics 7so called7 to his sermons1 which were often under the open firmament1 as well as daily within doors1 both in ,irish and ,english2 and among the ,romanists1 who were happily stirred up thereby to a concern for their salvation1 there was one elderly woman1 who had been in some religious office among them4 ,she entirely forsook their communion1 constantly attended his sermons1 and thenceforward1 received the ,lord's supper in the church of ,england4 ,the ,romish priests became strangely irritated1 and laboured vehemently to stop the growing evil2 to which end1 one of them affirmed to the people1 that 8,as to that ,walsh1 who had some time before turned heretic1 and went about preaching1 he had been dead long ago3 and that he1 who then preached in this manner1 was but the devil in his shape40 ,but their endeavours1 proved in great measure ineffectual2 for1 however a few persons might receive ill impressions from such insinuations2 yet several of their communion in many places heard him gladly1 and would not be hindered therefrom4 ,rather1 the more the priests urged them1 they prevailed the less4 ,his labours1 and prayers1 and tears1 for their poor straying souls1 over whom his bowels so often yearned1 had1 on many the desired effect2 being thereby1 not only reformed from ,popery1 but really converted to ,god4 ,of the common natives of ,ireland1 it has been frequently observed1 that of all the natives of the globe1 there are none who exceed them for hospitality1 good nature1 and susceptibility of religious impressions4 ,it might well therefore1 occasion the #8yearning of the bowels' of this lover of souls1 to see such multitudes of them detained in total ignorance by their priests1 to whom they pay the most implicit obedience4 99,and hence it was1 that from the beginning of the concern which he felt for his own soul1 he set himself1 by all possible means to turn them from darkness to light4 ,and whither in the highways1 at inns1 in the city or country1 he let slip no probable means of instructing them4 ,one circumstance which is much more common in ,ireland than ,england1 ,i mean the number of street beggars1 furnished him with frequent opportunities of this kind4 ,his manner of addressing them was easy and familiar3 talking to them always in a stile suited to their capacity and prejudices4 ,he avoided entirely the difference of churches1 and all matter of dispute1 speaking only of the dreadful evil of sin1 the great affairs of eternal life1 and eternal death1 of judgment1 and of the sufferings and sacrifice of the ,son of ,god4 ,and his discourses had often such immediate effect1 that falling on their knees1 and smiting their breasts1 they have wept1 and cried for mercy1 in the open streets4 ,he always concluded his instructions with giving them money1 if he had it1 which indeed was not always the case4 ,it would be tedious to enumerate all the conversations1 and various intercourses which he had with members of that communion1 and the good effects which were produced by them4 ,two or three only1 may be related from his own accounts4 8,this day came to my room4 ,i asked him1 how he hoped to be saved8 ,and having talked together in ,irish for some time1 he became greatly affected1 and said1 #8,i have saved some money to leave to some ,priest or ,friar when ,i die1 in order to procure me the forgiveness of my sins1 and ,i am willing to leave it to you1 if you will accept of it4' ,i told him1 that no man could forgive his sins2 that the gift of ,god was not to be purchased with money2 and that only the blood of ,christ1 our great ,high-priest1 could cleanse from sin4 ,he was deeply wounded1 and cried earnestly to ,god1 to whom1 after prayer ,i commended him40 ,at another time he writes1 8,a poor woman1 a papist1 came to my room1 desirous of salvation4 ,i prayed with her in ,irish4 ,she frequently fell on her knees and cried for mercy1 resolving no more to regard the priest's curses1 but to seek her salvation according as the word of ,god directs40 ,again1 8,being on a journey1 where ,i breakfasted 7it was a ,romanist's7 ,i reproved the landlord for swearing1 and talked to all who were present4 ,i exhorted likewise a woman at the door1 to seek from ,god1 repentance and salvation4 ,she cried with amaze6 ,to the blessed ,virgin1 and to the twelve apostles to help her4 ,but ,i taught her to direct her prayers to ,god the ,father1 through the ,lord ,jesus ,christ40 99,beside his frequent occasional conversations with them1 he went to as many of their own houses as he could get admittance1 where he regarded the children and servants1 even as the masters and mistresses4 ,but what most of all contributed to the success of his attempts for their good1 was his public preaching1 to which great numbers of them frequently resorted1 wherever he came2 induced thereto1 chiefly by his preaching in ,irish1 and such things as they easily understood4 ,there is in the ,irish language a peculiarly affecting expressiveness1 particularly with respect to the things of ,god2 which1 being pressed home upon the conscience1 by his zealous and alarming way of preaching1 often left them bathed in tears4 ,i saw a very remarkable instance of this in the town of my nativity2 preaching there on a market-day1 many of the country people running with surprize to hear him1 smote their breasts and wept1 in such a manner as was entirely new to them1 some affirming1 that they could go all over the world with him6 ,it may be truly said1 he seldom preached a sermon in ,irish1 from which some of them did not receive advantage4 ,he briefly mentions a few instances himself1 as follows1 8,after preaching both in ,irish and ,english1 a poor papist woman came to me1 saying1 #8,she came for instruction2 for that as she was a poor woman1 she could not have it elsewhere1 and she wanted to save her soul4' ,i told her1 that all which was in my power1 ,i would do for her willingly4 ,she wept1 and ,i prayed with her1 pointing her for all her soul wanted1 to ,jesus1 who alone is the way1 the truth1 and the life40 99,again1 8,january #d1 #agea4 ,my soul was delighted to see with what earnestness the poor ,irish1 7meaning the ,romanists7 received the word1 being in general deeply affected4 ,o how did they weep1 and cry for mercy6 ,may ,god hear their prayer4 ,surely this people will rise up in judgment against ,protestants1 who having the light of the gospel1 either neglect or despise it4 ,and also against the pastors of this ignorant people1 who hold them in error4 ,o1 what have the ,romish clergy to answer for before ,god60 8,april1 #agea4 ,many of them professed after preaching1 that they received more benefit from that one sermon1 than from all the masses they had attended during their whole life40 ,at another time preaching concerning the good ,samaritan 7,luke x4 #cj47 8,two members of the church of ,rome were deeply convinced of their want of a ,saviour1 and thirty-four persons joined themselves together1 to seek and serve the ,lord40 8,friday1 ,may #h4 ,i conversed with a woman who was formerly of the church of ,england1 but had been seduced by the ,romish priests4 ,she was convinced of her error and returned4 ,to ,god be the glory40 8,after preaching on ,john i4 #ag4 ,sinners cried out mightily4 ,one came confessing her deeds and said1 ,she had lived an adultress1 worse than ,mary ,magdalen2 she wept1 trembled and roared aloud40 ,the circumstance of his preaching and speaking in ,irish1 7a thing that multitudes1 at least of protestants in ,ireland cannot do7 next to the singular blessing of ,god upon his labours1 contributed most to the success of his endeavours4 ,though it is observable that when he preached one day in ,irish1 on ,oxmon-,town-,green in ,dublin1 among those who were affected by the discourse1 there was one man cut to the heart1 although he did not1 at all understand the language4 ,in a journey once between ,cork and ,bandon1 he fell into conversation with a man who rode some miles with him1 till as was his constant manner1 he began to apply something to his heart1 concerning the worth of his soul1 and the way of salvation4 ,but he favouring not the things of ,god1 became grievously offended4 8,his prejudice in short ran so high1 that he declared1 although he were shot for it1 he would have satisfaction2 adding with an oath1 thou shalt never deceive another1 for ,i am resolved to be the death of you just now40 8grievosly0 replaced with 8grievously0 8,i was quiet in my mind1 being persuaded that the ,god of ,daniel was still the same1 ,i did not feel the least anger1 or rising of revenge towards him2 and still reproved him whenever he swore4 ,in the midst of his rage ,i reproved him in ,irish4 ,he was instantly amazed2 and replied1 #8,why did you not speak so to me in the beginning8' ,the lion became a lamb1 and ,i then let him know still speaking in ,irish1 what ,christ had done for sinners4 ,he departed with a broken heart40 ,when some of them once followed him after preaching1 desirous of instruction4 8,i told them 7says he7 as to religion that it was not a bare profession that would avail any one4,that the true way1 was to forsake sin and follow ,christ2 and that in order thereto1 it was needful that a person should1 #ast4 ,be poor in spirit2 feel that he is a sinner4 #b;dly1 ,mourn on that account with a broken and contrite heart4 #c;dly1 ,forsake sin by applying to the ,lord for strength4 #dthly1 ,believe in ,christ1 and him only for salvation2 as it is his blood alone1 that cleanseth from all unrighteousness3 and #ethly1 ,obey the gospel by conforming to the rules there laid down2 living soberly1 righteously1 and godly in the present world40 ,this was the sum of what he taught them from time to time1 as the way of salvation1 which1 explained and enforced by the holy scriptures1 he opposed to every other device1 or tradition of men4 ,and so zealously concerned was he for enforcing these truths wherever he came1 that to one1 amidst a great number of ,romanists1 whose attention some endeavoured to hinder1 he said1 8,if my doctrine be not according to the word of ,god1 stone me on the spot4 ,make a sacrifice of me3 only hear for yourselves40 8,o that ,god would call them to the knowledge of the gospel of peace1 and open to them a door of salvation4 ,open ,lord the eyes of their priests4 ,remember the purchase of thy blood1 nor suffer those poor souls to perish1 for whom ,christ hath died40 ,,chapter ,v4 ,he goes to ,england and labours there4 ,,the enlargement of soul1 with which it pleased ,god to bless him1 left no bounds to his desires1 of spreading the favour of the knowledge of ,jesus1 in every place3 and his providential connexions1 afforded him a large sphere of action4 ,the people with whom he was more immediately united1 and who were1 according to the divine disposals1 the instruments of his salvation1 had now1 through the blessing of heaven1 spread the joyful sound1 well nigh all over ,england1 and ,ireland4 ,and hence arose a necessity for many labourers4 ,it was therefore judged expedient that1 7having been successfully employed between two and three years in his native country7 he should go to ,england likewise3 to which only the conviction of its being the will of ,god1 could have reconciled him2 feeling what was natural on the occasion1 8,a struggle within himself on leaving his friends and country40 8reciled0 replaced with 8reconciled0 ,may #aj4 #agec4 ,he embarked at ,dublin with some other friends1 and the next day arrived at ,park-gate4 ,concerning this voyage1 and his arrival in ,england1 he writes as follows4 8,there were on board several gentry1 and officers1 with a large number of cabbin passengers4 ,they cursed1 swore1 and blasphemed as though they were in hell4 ,i reproved them again and again2 but they still persisted1 and said ,i was mad4 ,o ,god1 if there never was any other damnation in the world to come1 than the company of such wretches1 who would not flee from it40 ,london was the place where he was appointed chiefly to labour4 ,he arrived there the #cast of ,may #agec1 and preached his first sermon from #a ,john ii4 #a4 ,and now did he1 more vigourously than ever1 apply himself1 both in public and in private1 to the labour of his calling2 resolving1 in a place of such dangers1 to make the best use of both4 ,he found himself in the midst of a numerous and well instructed people1 many of whom were deeply experienced in the things of ,god4 ,this was to him matter of great joy1 though at the same time of much carefulness1 knowing1 that in order to be truly profitable to them1 a superficial acquaintance with things would but ill suffice4 ,he therefore laboured to be a scribe well instructed2 to be deeply and judiciously informed1 in things pertaining to the kingdom of ,god4 ,it was his daily and nightly study1 how he might best contribute his part towards the feeding them with the sincere milk of the word1 and the building them up in their most holy faith4 ,but neither did he here intermit his endeavours1 for the salvation of his poor ignorant countrymen1 7of whom great numbers1 of the lower sort are constantly employed in ,london7 still detained in that darkness1 from which he had so happily escaped himself4 ,he therefore appointed times for explaining to as many of them as would hear1 the first principles of the doctrine of ,christ2 and preached several times in ,irish1 in ,moor-fields1 and elsewhere2 endeavouring likewise1 to have as many private interviews with them as he possibly could4 ,it was here he first formed to himself a more exact plan for the improvement of his time1 with respect to his public and private capacity1 as a preacher1 and a christian1 assigning determinate portions of it to certain employments1 which unless when necessity required otherwise1 he punctually observed4 ,he preached constantly twice a day1 and visited many people in their families2 besides frequent attendance on the sick1 and dying2 from some of whom1 he was rarely a day absent4 ,the abilities with which ,god had endowed him1 and his faithful improvement of them1 considerably encreased his work2 for it seemed good to those1 whom the divine wisdom had honoured1 with the over sight1 of a multitude of persons here1 in their absence1 to intrust him with that branch of their work4 ,his exactness and submissive faithfulness therein1 appeared in many and various particulars1 of which a part only may be gathered from the following letter to the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,john ,wesley4 8,honoured ,sir1 8,i ,thank you for your letter4 ,i longed exceedingly to hear from you4,your account of the good woman in your ,journal was refreshing to my soul4 ,what ,i have to say is as follows10 #a4 8,mr4 ,wesley is gone to ,bristol4 ,he met us on ,monday mornings1 and upon the whole1 all was well4 ,we parted much in love4 #b4 ,mr4 ,f goes on well4 ,i converse with him when ,i can4 #c4 ,the ,lord is powerfully carrying on his work4 ,sinners are alarmed1 and saints edified4 ,this day in visiting the sick1 my soul was greatly comforted1 by hearing of ,god's dealings with their souls4 8,on ,monday ,i begin to change the tickets4 ,god give me integrity1 wisdom1 meekness1 and love4 ,i think1 considering these particulars1 ,i cannot leave ,london yet4 ,it seems providence keeps me here still4 8,you have the prayers of your children4 ,i don't forget you4 ,a son honoureth his father1 and a father loveth his son4 ,let it be so till death1 and the devil can get little advantage4 ,your preaching has been often1 and exceedingly blest to my soul4 ,my heart's desire1 and prayer to ,god is1 that the ,lord would make me partaker of his holiness4 8,dear ,sir1 ,i trust your soul will1 in time1 and in eternity1 partake of that great salvation1 you have preached in the name of the ,lord4 ,o may it please ,god1 that we may meet full of holy and happy love6 ,i feel my soul this moment strongly drawn after ,god2 but there is yet something that keeps me out of perfect rest and liberty4 ,jesus1 take my whole heart6 ,confound1 overpower me with thy grace4 ,requesting your prayers and counsel1 ,i remain1 8,your very affectionate son1 ,thomas ,walsh40 ,london1 ,april #cj4 ,his advancement in divine knowledge1 and in the divine life1 while he remained here1 became more and more visible4 ,the fruit of his public ministry was likewise still more discernible2 and the general tenor of his conduct was acceptable to the people4 ,they had abundant evidence of his devotedness to ,god1 and of his truly serving as a son in the gospel4 ,he was generally blest to all kinds of hearers4 ,his discourses were always of an awakening nature1 entering into the very heart2 and singularly calculated to assist1 such as were ardently seeking after perfect love1 7#a ,john iv4 #ag1 #ah47 and hereby1 through the divine blessing1 he became instrumental to such a revival of the work of ,god1 as had not been known1 as to its depth1 from the first union of that society4 ,nor are there a few in ,london1 who bless ,god that ever they heard his voice4 ,thus did he spend the time of his abode in ,england1 spreading the favour of his good ointment all around him1 and by his example1 as well as preaching1 pressing every one to make sure work for eternity4 ,he perceived clearly1 it was the good providence of ,god which prepared his way1 and directed him hither4 ,he came from ,ireland to ,london1 three several times2 the last of which the longest time of his continuing there1 7about two years17 and the most profitable both to himself and to others4 ,and here especially it was1 that through his great and incessant labours2 his unwearied application to private study and public ministrations1 he laid the foundation of that disorder1 which at length1 removed him to another world4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,his love to souls1 and zeal for promoting the glory of ,god4 ,,some account of his endeavours for the salvation of his neighbour1 has already been given4 ,but this being so considerable a part of his character1 deserves a more full consideration3 though it cannot be told1 of how many and various expedients he served himself for the conversion of sinners4 ,he watched every opportunity2 and was literally instant in season1 out of season2 that is continually1 at all times and places1 seeking how he might best accomplish the end1 for which alone he desired to live4 ,the intenseness of his desire1 and his application to this one thing1 kept him continually as on the wing1 spending1 and being spent in this behalf2 regarding neither reproach1 pain1 loss1 nor death itself4 8,i have1 said he1 but one life1 and it is a hard case if ,i cannot readily lose that for his sake1 who gave his life a ransom for mine1 and for the life of the world4 ,my heart bleeds for the world which lieth in the wicked one40 ,it was owing to this likewise1 that he embraced every possible opportunity of crying aloud1 in the most conspicuous places of public resort1 and of enforcing the voice of wisdom1 saying1 ,how long ye simple ones will ye love simplicity1 and scorners delight in scorning1 and fools hate knowledge6 ,turn ye at my reproof2 behold ,i will pour out my ,spirit upon you1 ,i will make known my words unto you4 99,mountains1 market-places1 highways1 meadows1 rooms1 prisons1 and ships1 were the frequent theatres of his publishing the gospel of peace4 ,and herein there appeared in him something next to marvellous1 being a living fire1 continually burning in the love of ,god and man2 still mounting upwards1 and kindling all that were capable about him2 as prone to fervour and activity1 as some are to cold and indolence4 ,he was never weary of well-doing1 nor ever spoke slightly1 and with indifferent affection of the great ,god1 and of the things of religion2 but with a seriousness and reverence1 becoming one who by faith saw the ,invisible1 and looked to be shortly with him6 99,he was in truth a mighty adversary to the devil's kingdom1 and took every possible step1 which he judged might1 in any measure1 promote the honour of ,god1 to whose sole glory he sacrificed himself1 with all his labours and studies4 ,it is scarcely possible to enable a stranger to him to conceive1 the flow of his soul1 and energy of his spirit and expressions on these occasions2 while he endeavoured by all means to save some4 ,to this end1 he truly imparted1 not the gospel of ,god only1 but likewise his own soul4 ,it was this noble object which raised him above1 even that attention to his body1 which it required4 ,it was truly said of him1 ,he scorn'd his feeble flesh to spare1 ,regardless of its swift decline2 ,his single aim1 his ceaseless prayer ,to spread the righteousness divine3 ,he truly triumphed in the cross1 ,its prints as on his body shew'd1 ,lavish of life for ,jesu's cause1 ,whose blood for all so freely flow'd4 ,the fire which burned in his heart never said 8,it is enough40 ,and the success with which it pleased our ,lord to prosper his labours1 was a constant motive to his going forward4 ,his designs of doing good were without limits1 esteeming himself a debtor to all1 and embracing in affection1 not less than the whole world4 ,riding through ,wales and finding that1 in many places they did not understand ,english1 he felt great concern on the occasion1 and formed a resolution1 if his life and health permitted1 to learn the ,welch language4 ,and it was given him not only to believe1 and therefore to speak for ,god2 but also to suffer for his cause4 ,but he rejoiced in his sufferings1 and filled up that which is behind of the afflictions of ,christ in his flesh4 ,meantime the end1 which he still kept in view1 together with his frequent reflections1 on the love of ,jesus2 the danger of sinners dying without conversion2 and the present salvation to which they are entitled1 thro' the blood of the ,lamb3 made him more than superior to every thing which1 either men1 or the malice of ,satan could invent against1 or inflict upon him4 ,his warm heart and fervent courage1 feared no danger in the discharge of his duty1 being well assured that walking uprightly1 he walked surely4 ,he dreaded not the faces of men1 but where occasion offered1 boldly reproved what he saw amiss in every one4 ,wherever there appeared any probability of his doing good1 he was never hindered by the prospect of danger4 ,in one place1 having preached to a vast number of ,romanists and others1 and a prospect appearing of doing much good1 he intended1 to go again3 but a report prevailed that if he attempted it2 a great man would either have him stoned1 or sent to jail4 ,on this occasion 8,i reflected 7says he7 what ,god had done in former times for those who put their trust in him4 ,and he gave me strength according to my day4 ,i found my faith in him greatly strengthened1 and resolved1 simply to rely on his protection2 not doubting but that he would stand by me4 ,so ,i went thither and preached in the name of the ,lord4 8,the fear of man prevented their giving me entrance into their houses as before2 so ,i stood on a chair in the street1 and thanked ,god for the privilege4 ,they received the word without disturbance1 and with joy4 ,on my return ,i prayed at two houses in the way1 and the power of ,god was greatly in the midst of us4 ,praised be ,god1 and the ,lamb for ever60 ,his labours were indeed much beyond his strength2 and his zeal would not suffer him to stand still3 so that his friends were obliged sometimes 7as ,origen's mother1 to prevent her young son's burning with his father7 to hide his cloaths1 or lock him in his room in the morning4 99,his whole conversation was like fire1 warming1 refreshing1 and comforting all that were about him1 and begetting in their souls a measure of the same zeal for the glory of ,god1 and the salvation of sinners which burned in his own breast4 ,it was not possible to be much with him1 and not to hear discourses which bred a detestation of sin1 and a love of holiness4 ,to what purpose is it to live 7seemed the motto of his life7 and not to live to some good purpose8 ,his endeavours to do good1 extended to children also4 ,he first1 introduced in many places the custom of meeting weekly1 such of them as could attend1 in order to instruct them in such truths1 as their capacity admitted of4 ,in doing this he desired their parents might be present likewise1 to whom his affecting manner of address was not less serviceable1 than to the children4 ,while in ,london1 he had several interviews with the ,jews1 frequently attending their synagogues1 and reasoning with them out of the ,hebrew scriptures4 ,and altho' ,i cannot say with certainty that any of them were converted1 yet1 sure ,i am from eye witnesses1 that they were not able to gain-say the power by which he spoke4 99,when at any time he met any of his ,christian acquaintance1 in the street1 or called at their houses passing by1 he had always something to say by way of watch-word1 which he left upon their minds4 ,such as1 8,well1 let us hold out a little longer6 ,are we pressing forward8 ,let us hold fast faith1 and a good conscience4 ,are we watching now unto prayer1 and pressing after perfect love80 ,i well remember one instance of the good effects of this1 which a person mentioned to me since his death4 8,i shall never forget1 says he1 a word which ,mr4 ,walsh1 taking me by the hand one day1 spoke to me in my shop1 ',tis worse than death1 my ,god to love1 and not my ,god alone40 ,it was like a nail in a sure place1 and left a useful impression ever after4 ,the gravity and earnestness1 with which he delivered these kinds of little memento's to his friends1 carried them1 by ,god's help to the heart1 and left them there4 ,so that ,i have heard several of his sayings1 in this way1 called to remembrance1 since his decease1 by several of his acquaintance4 ,he did whatsoever he did for ,god1 with all his might1 spending his very life in every action1 even as tho' he should merit heaven thereby1 and yet1 at the same time despising himself as an unprofitable servant4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,his application to study1 love to the holy scriptures1 and improvement in divine knowledge4 ,,the first materials of his learning1 were not very considerable2 he had acquired some knowledge of ,latin in his childhood1 but left it off for the ,mathematics3 so that by the time he resumed his grammatical studies1 he had almost all to do again4 ,however1 the strength of his natural capacity1 and intense application to study1 after his conversion1 soon recovered1 what he had lost1 with vast increase4 ,from the time of his first1 deep concern about salvation1 he read1 as has been intimated1 the word of ,god1 with unwearied application2 and every thing else1 only as it had some reference to the truths contained therein3 and this practice he continued with increasing diligence1 and delight1 till sickness disqualified him for all study4 ,and to such a degree of eminency did he arrive therein1 that ,i believe1 it may be said with truth1 he was scarce ever a moment waking1 wherein he was not either talking of1 reading1 or meditating on one truth or other contained in holy scripture4 ,at first he read the ,english bible chiefly2 but his endeavours for the good of many of his ignorant countrymen1 induced him to read1 and get well acquainted with the ,new ,testament in ,irish likewise4 ,he next set himself1 to understand the scriptures1 both of the ,old ,testament and the ,new1 in their original4 ,it was not till after he had acquired some tolerable knowledge of the ,greek ,testament1 that he entered upon the study of ,hebrew4 ,this was at ,london1 about ,december #agee4 ,he agreed with a ,jew to instruct him1 at the rate of a shilling an hour4 ,a few lessons served all the ends he needed2 and being fully initiated into the genius of the language1 he soon became as it were swallowed up in it4 ,the matter of the study so endeared the language to him1 that he proceeded therein with incredible swiftness4 ,he discovered every day1 such a depth of hidden wisdom1 in the writings of ,moses1 and the prophets1 read in their own tongue1 as he could hardly have conceived from our translation1 tho' for the most part1 deemed the best in the world4 ,he ascribed it to a special assistance from heaven1 that the study of the tongue1 became so easy and pleasant4 ,and ,i have heard him mention this very particular as an argument 7at least to himself7 of the regard of heaven1 to this first1 most simple1 and excellent of languages2 in assisting those who with upright minds enquire into it after the mind of ,god4 ,and to this purpose he writes as follows4 8,the ,hebrew 7says archbishop ,usher7 is the first tongue of the world1 and the most orderly speech3 in comparison of which all other languages may be condemned for barbarous confusion40 8,sure ,i am 7says an eminent writer7 that it ought to be the first language we are taught1 after we have learned to lisp our own3 and were ,i worthy to advise1 the oriental dialects should follow the ,hebrew1 the ,greek should follow the ,arabic1 and the ,latin be acquired by conversation and reading1 in the same manner as the modern languages of ,europe are acquired40 8,december #bj1 #agef4 ,i spent the forenoon in my studies1 in which ,god has1 and does greatly assist me4 ,about this time twelve-month ,i could not read a sentence of ,hebrew with any certainty1 or construe a verse with readiness4 ,but now ,i can read my bible through1 and understand it1 almost as well as ,latin or ,english4 ,this hath ,god done1 enabling me to read his blessed word in the first and best of languages4 ,o may all my studies and talents be devoted to his glory60 99,his application was indeed prodigious4 ,i have known him spend fourteen hours1 of the four and twenty1 in this study1 excepting only the intervals of prayer1 which he frequently poured out for his blessing1 whose inspiration alone teacheth man true wisdom4 ,he often intermixed a verse of praise1 or petition2 and then1 turning his face to the wall1 and lifting up his heart and countenance to heaven1 with his arms claspt about his breast1 he would stand for some time before the ,lord in solemn recollection1 and then return to his work4 99,it was a rare thing ever to see him1 but with a book in his hand1 or speaking of the things of ,god1 or in meditation4 ,when in travelling1 he at any time stopt at an inn1 as soon as he was showed to his chamber1 to stay whether for an hour1 or a night2 he would take out his little ,hebrew psalter 7which was his favourite travelling companion7 or some other spiritual book1 and fall immediately to his usual work2 unless the time was taken up in exhorting the landlord1 or servants1 or in short1 any he met with4 ,accommodations for his body were his smallest care2 and his attention to these1 were always1 as it were by the bye4 ,he1 like the tortoise1 had his house always with him1 and seemed every where1 and yet no where at home1 in this world4 ,he pursued his work1 well nigh equally1 at all times1 and in all places1 spontaneously to tend to ,god4 ,even after preaching1 he has immediately resumed his studies1 7having books always with him17 and this often1 where several persons have been talking1 or otherwise employed1 as their occasions required round about him4 ,he1 still pursued his work1 as tho' he were retired in a closet3 proceeding on the sentiment1 that he had no other business in this world1 than to pray1 and preach1 and study1 and live in every place1 and in every thing1 for ,god6 ,the frequency of his stated times of prayer1 were1 at first especially1 much interrupted hereby4 ,but he followed the light which he then had2 and intending all his acquirements for the glory of ,god1 in the interest of souls1 he thought he might on some occasions1 7as one expresses it17 8leave ,god1 for ,god40 ,he was not1 however1 without frequent jealousies1 lest his intense application1 even to this kind of employment1 should in any wise1 divert his heart from what he most prized1 namely1 close attention to ,jesus4 ,after a while therefore1 having mastered the main difficulties in his work1 his application became much more moderate4 ,he began to 8,learn well to know1 how much need not be known40 99,one day he writes as follows4 8,i was all day closely employed at study4 ,but ,i fear ,i love my books too much4 ,it is true my studies relate to the word of ,god3 but ,i often find my mind carried out in desire after languages1 arts and sciences2 yet ,i see the vanity of every thing1 when separate from ,god3 to be sure1 ,i prize the knowledge of ,christ crucified above all other knowledge4 ,to imitate his wisdom1 goodness1 meekness1 patience and love3 alas6 what are ,hebrew1 ,greek1 ,latin1 ,logic1 ,metaphysics1 every thing to this6 ,what is any thing to the love of ,jesus6 ,o that sweet peace of conscience1 and contentment of mind2 which arise from redemption in his blood6 ,o ,lord1 thou knowest that ,i desire to be great in thy grace2 to be armed with thy armour4 ,my soul longs to rise above these little1 transitory things4 ,i fain would rest in thee6 ,i thirst for the divine life4 ,i pray for the spirit of illumination4 ,i cast my soul upon ,jesus ,christ1 the ,god of glory1 and ,redeemer of the world4 ,i desire to be conformable unto him2 his friend1 servant1 disciple1 and sacrifice6 ,come now my ,jesus6 ,see the longings of my soul1 and finish the work there40 99,from hence may be gathered both1 what was the spirit of the man1 and the tendency of his studies4 ,he desired to know3 but it was ,god1 and the things of ,god1 which he proposed to himself1 as the sole matter of his knowledge4 ,for altho' he read occasionally both logic and metaphysics1 history1 and natural philosophy1 yet it was all with reference to his one grand point4 ,whatever treasures he gathered from abroad in these1 or in any other way2 as the industrious bee1 collecting her sweets from different flowers1 deposits all in one hive2 so he reduced1 and made all his attainments subservient to1 the word of ,god1 and acquaintance with ,jesus1 as his central point4 ,and his fear1 lest in any thing he should deviate from this1 had much influence on the regulation of his studies4 ,he well knew1 that to have a heart always at leisure for ,god1 attentive to his teaching1 and obedient to his dictates1 is the great thing to which every design must give place2 and that the heart is capable of being overcharged with things1 in some respects1 lawful and excellent1 as with surfeiting and drunkenness1 or cares of this life2 all of which are therefore1 to be as carefully guarded against4 ,and perhaps there are few things by which the spirit of darkness1 so serves himself1 among the thinking world1 as by this very particular2 diverting the mind from proper application to the one thing needful1 not indeed by things sensual1 or immoral1 which they abhor1 and would perhaps be shocked at the thought of2 but by things1 in some respects innocent1 and plausible1 if not necessary3 it may be by curious speculations on government1 the works of nature or grace1 and ideal pursuits of various kinds4 99,bishop ,taylor mentions it as a saying of ,oegidius1 8an old1 and simple woman who loves ,jesus1 may be greater than was brother ,bonadventure40 ,and inasmuch as the giving our whole heart to ,god1 is that1 without which1 nothing in religion is available2 if this be not done1 is it not the same thing1 whether it be through gazing at the stars1 catching of butterflies1 or committing adultery8 ,the death of the body is as fully affected by the prick of a lancet1 as by the stroke of a cannon-ball4 ,and1 to such alas1 as procure the loss of their own soul1 how little difference does it make1 whether it was done by the crimes1 of the grossest kind1 or1 by what the flattery of self-love1 and a mistaken world call little things4 ,he was throughly sensible of his danger in this respect1 and began to regulate himself accordingly4 ,he found towards the conclusion of his studies in particular1 that more true wisdom is obtained from ,god1 by prayer and holy meditation in one hour1 than from the application of years to folio volumes2 and therefore esteemed one single sentiment1 gained in this manner1 of more value than a thousand speculations acquired by mere dint of study in the way of human science4 ,he perceived well the difference which there is between studying barely to instruct others1 7which in its place1 is also right and necessary7 and studying to perfect one's self1 to produce that purity1 and disengagement which is absolutely necessary to receive the true light of the holy ,spirit4 8,the secrets of the kingdom of heaven are not understood thoroughly1 but by the sons of the kingdom1 and by them1 too in several degrees1 ,god distributing to every one severally as he willeth2 but to such as know not ,god1 the whole system of this wisdom is insipid and flat1 if not totally rejected1 dull as the foot of a rock1 and unlearned as the elements of our mother tongue4 ,but so are mathematics to a ,scythian boar1 and music to a camel40 99,his settled manner now was1 to assign the morning wholly to the reading1 first a chapter out of the ,old ,testament1 and frequently some of the psalms in ,hebrew4 ,then he read1 and digest some part of his ,greek ,testament4 ,his manner of doing this1 took him up great part of the forenoon3 and afterwards1 he read1 wrote1 or was otherwise employed as occasions directed4 ,he frequently had some persons to visit him for instruction in some point of learning2 chiefly in ,hebrew4 ,two or three young men of ,cambridge1 at different times1 being in town1 and knowing him1 chose to be initiated by him in the ,hebrew tongue4 ,he was constantly as communicative as receptive of instruction1 withholding nothing from any one1 that he thought might be useful to them4 ,he read the scriptures in order2 beginning a book1 and going thro' with it regularly2 fixing at the same time upon such parts1 as had most immediate reference to the doctrines and precepts of the gospel-state of things2 which he not only read most frequently1 but likewise committed to memory4 99,and the degree of perfection to which he arrived in this particular1 was really surprising4 ,his acquaintance with the letter of scripture1 and his retentive memory1 supplied him as with a constant concordance4 ,and ,i believe there was not a remarkable passage1 historical1 doctrinal1 or preceptive1 from ,genesis to the ,revelation1 which he could not1 on the bare mention of1 turn to immediately4 8,thy word 7says he7 ,o ,lord1 ,i have for mine inheritance for ever4 ,it is the joy of my heart1 and of more value to me than millions of worlds4 ,o ,god1 give me understanding1 that ,i may keep thy law6 ,but let my whole dependance be in ,jesu's merits4 ,he is my advocate4 ,only by faith in him ,i stand4 ,he is my sure refuge1 and portion1 in the land of the living60 ,being at sea one time1 and the weather becoming extremely tempestuous1 the mariners themselves were apprehensive of death4 ,he in like manner expected the same1 and put into his bosom1 a small bible which he had with him1 resolving that what he so loved in life1 should not be parted from him even in death4 ,such was his love to1 and singular esteem for the word of ,god4 ,in this manner it was1 that he became in truth1 a scribe1 well instructed to the kingdom of heaven1 and brought out of the treasury of his heart-experience1 the old and new1 and deep things of the word of ,jehovah4 ,it was from this fountain he derived his ideas1 sentiments and expressions1 on all occasions2 explaining doctrines1 enforcing duties and resolving difficulties1 well nigh1 altogether in scripture words4 ,the spirit of wisdom so rested upon him1 that there was nothing of a divine nature1 which occurred to his own mind1 or was proposed to him by others1 respecting doctrines1 experience1 or practice1 of which he could not speak with convincing clearness and satisfaction4 ,he had a singular faculty for throwing light upon doubtful cases2 and it was not unusual with him1 by two or three words to set to rights1 and entirely quiet the minds of persons1 perplexed before1 about points of doctrine1 or experience4 ,a most remarkable instance of this ,i remember to have known in ,ireland3 a person who was greatly embarrassed in his mind concerning a point in religion1 which appeared to him of great importance1 and who had received no satisfaction from all his former researches on the head1 came to ,mr4 ,walsh1 and related the matter to him2 which having heard1 he only asked one question1 requiring the person to answer4 ,and whether it was1 that ,god1 just then shone upon the man's soul1 and by his immediate light solved the difficulty2 or whether it was through mere rational conviction1 resulting from the arguments implied in his question1 ,i know not2 but he was instantly satisfied1 and being convinced of his former mistake1 had no further uneasiness on the head4 ,his insight into the invisible world1 so realized to him things to come1 that he spake of them as one who both heard and saw them4 ,and they had their proportionable influence on the whole of his behaviour4 ,he acted as in the immediate presence of ,god2 and thus went on reading and meditating day and night1 in the law of his ,god2 and devouring1 like another ,ezekiel1 the whole divine volume4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,his manner of preaching4 ,,at first his sermons consisted chiefly1 of a number of well chosen texts of scripture1 suited to the particular subject on which he treated1 and which1 he1 for the most part1 cited with both the chapter and verse4 ,he had in this manner formed1 as it were1 a body of divinity in his head1 which was a kind of store house of his sermons4 ,time and experience however1 brought him off from the custom of1 so particularly citing the places of the scriptures1 he made use of2 unless where he judged it singularly useful1 both for the conviction and satisfaction of the hearers4 99,a constant course of reading1 much conversation with the children of ,god1 and the acquaintance1 which a life of faith1 meditation and prayer1 gave him with ,god1 and with the motions of his own soul1 greatly extended his views into divine things in general2 and furnished him with variety of subjects for the edification and comfort of the church of ,god3 so that in the last two or three years of his course1 his sermons had in them depth1 and solidity1 far beyond those of his former years4 ,the state of his own heart1 had much influence on the particular subjects of his sermons3 as is surely the case with all1 to whom preaching is not a mere business of course3 but on the contrary1 an affair of the weightiest importance in the world1 requiring the deepest attention and most circumspect walking4 ,he knew that the words of an unfeeling heart1 are but empty sounds2 and that although they might please for the present1 they rarely profit the hearers4 ,and it was on this account1 that attending constantly to the motions of his own soul1 he hardly ever preached a sermon1 without conveying nearly the like sensations to others1 whether of deep contrition of spirit1 holy mourning1 or spiritual joy1 which he felt in his own soul4 8,when1 says he1 ,i am in heaviness1 ,i am led to speak chiefly of trials2 when lively and fervent1 ,i am led to speak of the comforts of believers2 and when ,i am hungering and thirsting after righteousness1 ,i press upon others to cleanse themselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit1 and to perfect holiness4 ,and hence ,i learn1 #ast4 ,how needful it is for a preacher to be in a right spirit himself1 whenever he speaks to others4 ,and1 #b;dly1 ,the wisdom of ,god1 in so ordering1 that every soul might receive its portion of the milk of the word in due season40 99,all his sermons might be truly said to be his own from ,god4 ,he stole not the word from his neighbour1 nor catched at trivial incidents to furnish him with an hour's discourse4 ,his heart was a treasury well furnished1 insomuch that he was never at a loss for something in season3 even sometimes when he has been so taken up with other parts of his calling1 as not to have the least time for preparing to preach2 yet the pourings out of his feeling soul1 evidenced themselves to waiting hearts1 to be of ,god4 99,there was nothing whining1 light1 or trivial in his discourses2 nothing put on2 nothing that could excite levity1 much less laughter2 but rather1 and which was commonly the case1 groans and tears and cries4 ,his sermons had in them such a depth of divine truth1 confirmed by the word of ,god1 with such a greatness and majesty as begot in the hearers an awe and reverence1 which removed far away1 all petulancy and thoughtless irreverence of spirit3 and produced in many a solemnity and attention of soul1 becoming those who hear discourses for life1 or death eternal4 ,to all of which1 his grave and mortified countenance1 contributed not a little4 ,in short his whole behaviour in the pulpit was such1 as became a messenger of ,god1 put in trust with the ministry of reconciliation4 ,his discourses were suited to give a portion to everyone1 as their need required2 milk for babes1 and for stronger men1 stronger meat3 though still they had this tendency1 with regard to all1 to excite people's hearts to the pure love of ,god4 99,and although he preached faith in ,christ as the only way1 of obtaining all the good things of grace and glory1 yet he did it in such a manner as effectually to guard it against the abuse of libertines1 who turn the freeness of the grace of ,god1 into an occasion of wantonness2 who while they promise liberty to others1 are1 at the same time servants of corruption4 ,persons of this character could not in the least serve themselves from his discourses2 in every one of which he so preached faith in ,christ1 as to establish the law1 in its true sense1 that is1 to secure all the interests of genuine holiness1 both in heart and life2 all the fruits of righteousness2 the most rigorous regard to mens duty to ,god1 their neighbour1 and themselves4 ,when he first began to preach1 his chief talent seemed to be for quickening such as were dead in trespasses and sins2 for terrifying careless sinners with the dread of ,god's judgments1 alarming them1 as it were1 to flee from the wrath to come4 ,it was truly said of him1 8,he fierce on the ,philistines flies1 ,compels the captives to come in2 ,spoils ,satan of his lawful prize1 ,and tears them from the toils of sin40 8tuly0 replaced with 8truly0 ,his courage and resolution in this1 were such as are rarely to be found4 ,he judged1 that there was nothing more likely to pull down the strong holds of ,satan1 than to lay the axe to the root of sin2 and in all his sermons1 he ever used to discover its detestable nature1 pressing upon the conscience1 an entire purgation from dead works4 ,and he did it in such a manner as often pierced the very joints and marrow of his hearers4 ,it was easy to discover in him likewise1 the utmost impartiality4 ,knowing that he was to deliver his ,lord's message1 he spared no man from any human regards3 but boldly detecting their sin1 commended himself to every man's conscience in the sight of ,god4 ,and yet1 his zeal was tempered with wisdom and discretion for notwithstanding his pressing vehemently upon the conscience of his hearers1 in all his sermons1 yet 7although some were sometimes offended7 they were never able to resist the authority by which he spake4 ,but it was not as a ,boanerges1 a son of thunder only1 that he excelled4 ,his own happy experience1 of the forgiving1 healing1 and comforting virtue of the blood of ,jesus2 together with his mighty acquaintance with the promises of life in him1 fitted him for administring comfort1 and much encouragement to the weary1 and the heavy-laden with sin2 ,to such1 he was in truth1 a son of consolation2 his lips dropped sweetness to them1 as the honey-comb4 99,o ,god1 how many a bleeding wound hast thou made him an instrument of healing1 by pouring into the hearts of the disconsolate1 the wine and oil of the gospel1 in a rich profusion of those precious1 golden promises1 which being ratified to us by the holy blood of thy dear ,son1 are all yea1 and amen in him1 to thine eternal glory6 ,yes1 8,refreshing1 soft1 as vernal showers1 ,his word1 on weary sinners falls1 ,or1 like the rapid torrent pours1 ,while souls to ,jesu's blood he calls60 99,it was scarcely possible for the most icy1 and rocky heart1 to remain long so under his moving and authoritative discourse1 laid home to the conscience1 by the sword of the ,spirit1 which1 like the flaming sword in paradise1 turned every way1 to every heart4 ,and accordingly1 it was a very rare thing for him ever to preach a sermon1 without sending some away1 either broken-hearted1 rejoicing in ,god1 or increased more or less1 in the knowledge of the ,crucified4 99,towards the latter part of his progress1 the two last years of his life especially1 the whole bent of his soul1 his reading1 meditations1 prayer1 conversation and preaching1 tended altogether1 to the deep things of ,god1 7#a ,corinthians ii4 #aj47 the so perfectly loving him1 with all the capacity of the soul and body1 as the state of humanity can admit4 ,the entire salvation of ,god1 from all sin1 to all the mind that was in ,christ ,jesus1 was now his constant1 and most beloved theme1 both in public and private4 ,and he omitted nothing which might either inform his judgment1 or affect his own1 or the hearts of others1 in reference to this most interesting concern of the children of ,god4 99,his thoughts on the head became therefore thoroughly digested2 so that there was hardly an objection which either ,satan1 men1 or the heart of unbelief could bring against it1 for which he had not a convincing answer4 ,his own heart-acquaintance therewith1 will be seen from a subsequent account of his experience4 ,the light which he had into the nature1 and his fervent manner of enforcing the worth1 and necessity of ,christian holiness1 was one great means of enkindling1 in the hearts of many1 that fire of pure love1 to ,god and man1 which has since his death likewise1 increased more abundantly1 and still burns 7,o may it ever burn67 amongst us1 to the greater glory of ,god4 ,only such as were experimental witnesses of it1 having a true relish for things of so high a nature1 can rightly conceive of the abilities1 with which ,god endowed him1 for this part of his work2 of the manner in which1 he1 ,with strength and utterance from above ,urg'd on the saints thro' grace forgiven1 ,to scale the mount of holiest love1 ,to seize the brightest throne in heaven6 ,in all his discourses on the subject1 he as much as may be1 carefully avoided his own words1 both in explaining1 and enforcing its nature1 extent1 and the means of attaining thereto4 ,he did it in the words which the ,holy ,ghost teacheth1 explaining those spiritual things1 with spiritual words3 7#a ,corinthians ii4 #ac47 while in the mean time1 his fervent and affecting manner of urging them1 and indeed every other part of the doctrine of salvation1 commanded1 8,audience and attention1 still as night ,or summers noon-tide air40 ,he had not1 it must be acknowledged1 at least he had but little made use of1 the art of preaching3 not indeed that he was ignorant of such rules as1 orators lay down for ordering1 and conducting public discourses4 ,his knowledge both of ,logic and ,rhetoric was far from being inconsiderable4 ,he had both read1 and in some good degree1 digested the principles of both4 ,but the eagerness with which he proceeded in his work2 and the rapid flow of his soul1 sending forth its good matter1 not like the distilling of a water-pot1 but as a plentiful shower from the heavens1 watering deep and wide all around1 did not suffer him to attend1 with exactness1 to such niceties in composition or delivery3 nay1 even prevented that moderation1 as to the length1 and manner of delivering his discourses1 which would have been much more easy to himself1 and to his audience1 many of them being often in pain for him4 99,yet afterwards1 when the repeated advice of his friends1 and the necessity of his constitution1 obliged him to a more slow1 and deliberate manner1 some ascribed it to 7what they called7 his want of power2 such is the folly and weakness of many1 in their sentiments with regard to this particular6 ,how common is it to imagine1 that the presence and power of the ,spirit of ,god1 and that influence by which souls are awakened1 justified1 or built up in holiness1 depends upon the loudness of the preacher's voice1 or the swiftness of his expression8 ,in other words1 upon the strength of a man's lungs1 and it may be1 the assurance of his gesture and utterance4 ,a sentiment not more strange to the truly wise1 than it is common with many4 ,as though noise1 and animal activity should be dignified with the names of spirit and power1 and the want of them ascribed to dryness1 deadness and formality6 ,strictly speaking indeed1 there is no necessary divine power in any man's manner of speaking1 whether loud or low1 swiftly or softly4 ,it is the ,spirit that quickeneth1 and as he pleaseth2 and it may be questioned1 whether effects that have been sometimes produced1 by a loud1 vehement1 and overbearing manner of speaking1 were not in great measure merely mechanical1 if not of ,satan himself1 to cast an odium upon the work of ,god4 ,in truth the most substantial1 genuine effects of the gospel ministry1 arise from its delivery1 not with noise and human vehemence1 7which often rather calls off the mind from the inward life and communion with ,god37 but with distinct calmness1 and wise deliberation4 ,there may often be a strong wind1 an earthquake1 and fire2 but the ,lord is in the still1 small voice1 7#a ,kings xix4 #aa4 #ab47 and those are only in order to this4 ,his word1 it is true1 is a sword1 and a hammer1 which wounds and breaks human hearts in pieces2 and any one's manner of speaking contributes towards this so far as it is to be commended4 ,but considered independently of this 7which is too often the case7 the loudness of a man's voice is in reality no better than the blowing of a trumpet1 or the sound of a drum4 ,not by might1 or by power1 but by my ,spirit1 saith the ,lord of hosts4 ,what is here intended1 is nakedly to represent a common mistake1 in order to its removal4 ,his sermons were seldom less than an hour long2 and yet1 had in them such an agreeable variety1 that they were rarely1 if ever tedious1 unless to such as wanted a savour for the things of ,god4 ,he was always at the conclusion1 in a bath of sweat4 ,and the place of preaching being often at some distance from his lodging1 his suddenly growing cold again1 was one reason of the frequency of the fevers which he had from time to time1 during his whole life of public labour4 ,he often resolved before he began to preach1 to restrain the rapidity of his spirit1 but in vain3 8,the sword 7as he once said to me7 being too keen for the scabbard40 ,the fervour of his soul broke through all his resolutions1 but wasted at the same time1 the very springs of life1 which he felt immediately afterwards4 ,with regard to the manner of his preparing for sermons1 he seemed to keep between the two extremes1 neglect of all actual1 previous preparation1 and a dry scholastic composition of exact materials4 ,to have no regard to the matter1 and manner of his discourses before hand1 under the pretence of dependance upon heaven1 for immediate influence and utterance1 he judged to be rank enthusiasm2 and often1 a cloke for a lazy1 indolence of spirit2 on account1 of which1 nonsense has been too often dignified with the sacred names of inspiration and power4 ,and yet1 he judged it alike culpable1 to seek after and trust to mere dry human skill1 in fixing upon heads1 and taking such measures1 as to preach only ones self1 independant as it were1 on the quickening1 enlighting presence of the ,holy ,ghost1 without which all preaching and all hearing are vain4 99,he prayed and studied1 and studied and prayed again1 going always 7unless necessity prevented7 from his closet and off his knees1 into the pulpit4 ,but when he came there1 he gave himself up wholly into the hands of ,god1 to be actuated and used by him1 in all respects1 as might be most for his glory4 ,and it was glorious and wonderful1 to see the good effects1 which were produced at those times1 by the words of ,god flowing from his lips1 and entering into the heart1 without indeed the ornaments of studied eloquence1 but in their native majesty and simplicity2 such as they are in themselves1 and as he himself relished them4 ,one circumstance relating to his manner1 was1 that he almost always begun1 and in general concluded his sermons with a text of scripture3 but so judiciously chosen1 as seldom failed to touch the heart1 and frequently to cast light on the whole subject4 ,one might easily gather from his way of preaching1 how sensible he was of a mistake in many preachers1 who content themselves1 supposing there be but demonstration in their sermons1 that they have spoken things which cannot be gainsay'd4 ,whereas if there be nothing more than clearness of demonstration1 it may indeed be said to the preacher1 thou preachest well2 but what then8 ,who are quickened in their pursuit of ,god and heaven8 ,who hates his sins8 ,or who loves ,god the more for your discourse8 ,now where these are not to be found1 may not a sinner as well be hearkening to a mathematician demonstrating ,euclid's elements1 as to a preacher preaching thus8 ,it was far from satisfying him that his sermons had in them sufficient demonstration4 ,still retaining in mind1 ,what is the end of preaching1 bringing souls acquainted with1 and building them up in ,god2 he rated his sermons accordingly3 and for the more effectual promotion of this1 studied to be well acquainted with all the motions of the human heart1 pointing his discourses there continually2 laying hold1 as it were of its very inmost thoughts1 and with the sinners own weapons1 slaying the enemies of his salvation4 ,he applied to the conscience at every turn1 and after having at any time demonstrated a peculiarly interesting truth of a general nature1 he always took care to make it a personal thing1 by questioning the heart of every one concerning their part therein4 ,he frequently introduced1 by way of comparison1 many of the incidental occurrences in life1 things respecting callings1 families1 and a thousand little matters1 by which the great concerns of the soul enter more deeply and sensibly into the minds of the common people4 ,i have heard a woman of known integrity say1 that intending one evening to have his judgment1 after preaching on several particulars1 which were a weight to her mind2 he so anticipated every objection1 and answered them in the sermon1 that she needed no farther enquiry4 99,it was usual with him in his sermons1 to propose and answer divers cases of conscience1 which was an inexpressible satisfaction to many4 ,in describing of vices 7for which he was eminently remarkable7 he did not so much dwell upon the vice itself abstractedly1 as he shewed the persons to themselves1 who were guilty thereof2 and represented the unavoidable danger of such as lived and died therein4 ,it was not so much pride1 envy1 anger1 lust1 drunkenness1 swearing1 and the like1 which he painted in their detestable nature1 7though he did this also27 but his drift at such times1 was to describe the proud1 the envious1 the angry1 and the lustful man2 to alarm the drunkard1 and the swearer1 c4 as with the voice of thunder1 to escape for their lives4 ,the most guilty person can sit and hear his vice described1 with composure enough2 but the conscience of a sinner cannot so easily escape1 when the preacher speaking as it were to one person 7though without particularizing any7 charges it home1 ,thou art the man4 ,it was in this way that his sermons were1 by the grace of ,god1 effectual to the awakening and converting of so many4 ,his whole life being one series of holy living and mental improvement1 preserved his heart1 like an ever-fresh1 and overflowing fountain1 which on every occasion poured forth its fruitful streams of holy doctrine1 and persuasive exhortation4 ,it was easy to discern1 that he felt the things he delivered4 ,he gave himself wholly to this one thing2 and1 which was the crowning glory of all1 was himself a pattern of the truths he taught4 ,his own example strengthens all his laws2 ,he is himself the gracious saint he draws4 99,indeed this was first and last1 his main concern1 ,that while he ministered to the wants of others1 he might not sustain loss in his own soul1 nor have to take up that sad complaint1 ,they made me keeper of the vineyards1 but mine own vineyard have ,i not kept4 ,it is a fearful case for a preacher1 to be only like a channel in a garden1 through which the water runs to cool and moisten the herbs and flowers1 but nothing for its own use2 if not like the spoils of bevers1 sheep and silk-worms1 designed to cloath others1 which are made the occasion of their own nakedness1 if not the cause of their death4 ,this indeed is never the intention of ,god1 concerning his servants2 but men bring it upon themselves through the abuse of his favours4 ,what is this but to build a fortune for others1 upon the ruins of one's own house1 while after preaching to others1 thou thyself dost become a castaway4 ,canticles i4 #f4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,of his frequent sickness1 the exercises of his mind therein1 and the improvement which he made thereof4 ,,his original constitution was strong1 and his make and stature such1 as1 humanly speaking1 indicated health and long life4 ,he seemed free from those incumbrances of constitution which some have to struggle with well nigh all their days4 ,his complexion tended rather to the melancholic1 although from his fervour of spirit1 one would have thought the contrary4 ,but the grace of ,god1 is powerful to alter1 and even invert the course of nature4 ,however1 the natural temperature of his body seemed well calculated both for the service of ,god1 and of his neighbour4 ,but in fact1 if his bones had been brass1 and his flesh iron1 they must have yielded to the violence which his labours offered to his constitution4 ,he enjoyed good health till above nineteen1 which was the year of his conversion to ,god4 ,but from the twentieth to the twenty-eighth1 his life may be said to have been a lingering death2 as he never was a day free from pain or weakness4 ,a slow fever1 and pain at his stomach were1 for the most part1 his companions1 day and night4 ,the manner of his preaching1 intense study1 little rest1 and frequent fatigues1 broke the very frame of his nature1 and brought him in a short time to such a habit of body1 as no medicines were able to remove4 8,it is1 as he once expressed it1 7speaking of his illness7 in the work of ,god1 in the cause of ,christ6 ,therefore ,i rejoice2 for ,i count not my life dear to myself1 if ,i may but glorify my ,lord ,god1 and only ,master1 ,jesus ,christ40 ,it is surprizing1 that1 considering his weakness and habitual disorders1 he could go thro' such daily and nightly labours as he did3 nor can it be accounted for otherwise1 than that the strength of ,god was made perfect in his weakness4 ,sometimes 7says he7 when ,i begin the labour of love1 ,i am hardly able1 either to walk or speak2 but after ,i have laboured a while1 ,i find new strength1 and am even better than when ,i begun60 ,as to the use which he always made of his illnesses1 it will be best gathered from his own words4 998,tuesday1 ,january #ah1 #agea4 ,i preached on ,matthew v4 #c4 but could not finish2 being seized with an ague4 ,immediately ,i went to bed4 ,i could rest in the will of ,god1 being persuaded it was for the better4 ,true it is1 that afflictions are not joyous1 but grievous while they last1 though afterwards they yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness4 ,how great1 ,o my ,god1 are thy goodness1 and tender mercies towards me6 ,if ,i had a thousand tongues1 ,i could not praise my ,god as he deserves4 ,he remembers me in the time of my trouble1 and leaves not my soul comfortless4 ,lord1 there is nothing good in me1 that thou shouldst regard1 and so remember me4 ,all is of thy free grace1 and undeserved mercy4 ,o the ravishing joy that seizes my heart1 in meditating on the dying love of my ,saviour6 ,it raises me above all human things1 and carries my soul deep into the mysteries of godliness40 ,two things he then especially remarked1 #ast4 ,how sad an affair it is to leave the work of salvation to a time of sickness8 8,experience has strongly taught me1 that if my peace was not made before such an affliction 7referring to a violent fever1 as this was7 it would never have been made1 distraction1 and almost madness would take up the time2 and not repentance4 ,look ,o ,jesus upon those who are putting the evil day afar off40 #b;dly4 ,that before each of his illnesses2 he had had remarkable displays of the divine goodness towards him4 ,thus he says1 8,i cannot but remark the exceeding goodness of ,god1 for before my illnesses for some years past1 he always gives me a clear manifestation of his love40 ,the following account was after a fever1 which lasted nine and twenty days1 at a place called ,tirrelspass in ,ireland4 #a4 8,i had no joy for twenty days4 ,the severity of my sickness and pain1 pressed down my soul4 ,neither divine light nor love shone into my heart2 yet ,i prayed often with freedom and fervour40 duplicate word 8and0 removed #b4 8,i had no strong temptations2 no fear of death1 or hell3 neither had ,i any desire to die4 ,on the thirteenth day1 ,i had an assurance1 that ,i should not die in ,tirrelspass4 ,my greatest uneasiness arose from the place where ,i lay1 which was a narrow room1 with a shop adjoining1 where was hurry and noise almost continually4 ,this circumstance1 thro' the evil of my heart1 often became a temptation to impatience4 ,but ,i cried unto the ,lord1 and he made every thing more easy to me every day40 #c4 8,about the twentieth day1 my soul and body much revived4 ,i could after a night of heaviness rejoice in ,god4 ,i experienced much of the love of ,christ4 ,but yet ,i felt the old man4 ,alas6 what an evil heart have ,i6 ,how hard is it to humble me1 and wean my desires from earth8 ,lord1 ,thou knowest my heart and reins4 ,and is it not my desire to love thee with all my soul1 and serve thee with all my strength80 8,is there a thing beneath the sun1 ,that strives with thee my heart to share8 ,ah1 tear it thence1 and reign alone ,the ,lord of ev'ry motion there60 #d4 8,on the twenty-sixth day1 early in the morning1 the gracious ,lord replenished my soul with his love4 ,he poured out his ,spirit upon me4 ,the intercourse was open between heaven and my soul4 ,i loved1 and could pray for all the world1 as for myself4 ,o how does ,christ inlarge the heart6 ,what flames of divine charity does he kindle there6 ,the twenty-seventh day ,i had such a sense of the mercy of ,god as quite overcame my soul4 ,in the evening however1 ,i felt a severe struggle3 but the blessed ,spirit soon set my heart at liberty40 8,lord1 since it hath pleased thee1 to spare me a little longer1 make my life useful4 ,let me be wholly given up to thee1 and thy service1 that ,i may glorify thee1 in all things1 thro' ,jesus ,christ1 my dearest ,lord and ,saviour4 ,amen40 8,limerick1 ,october #bh1 #agee4 ,i was seized with a fever1 which confined me to my room1 till ,friday1 ,november #g4 ,i remark the following particulars10 998#ast4 ,i examined what might be the cause of this illness2 but could not discern any thing in particular4 ,i saw indeed that many of my tempers1 words and actions were not truly holy4 ,i was ashamed of my best performances1 ,i saw my best living as a mere blot3 yet the guilt of no particular sin lay upon my conscience40 8#b;dly4 ,i was more subject to temptation in this sickness than usual3 not indeed to think hard of ,god1 or repine at my illness3 but ,i had spiritual conflicts1 wrestlings against principalities and powers1 against the rulers of the darkness of this world2 against wicked spirits in high places4 ,the third day1 which was ,thursday1 ,october #cj1 ,i had the sorest conflict that ever ,i felt4 ,i was suddenly seized in body1 and amazed in mind4 ,i thought every moment would have been my last4 ,i had a vehement thirst4 ,my tongue was dry and turgid4 ,and my soul was in an agony4 ,i was overwhelmed with fear1 sorrow1 and sore affliction40 998,all the sins of my life passed before me1 but especially those which were since ,i had been enlightened1 and since ,i preached the gospel4 ,i saw1 and felt myself hell-deserving2 that ,i was nothing1 and could do no good work before ,god4 ,i was really poor1 in such a manner and degree1 as ,i never felt before4 ,i was stript1 humbled1 emptied1 laid open1 confounded and afraid of ,god's judgments2 tho' not afraid of the devil1 or hell4 ,nay1 ,i all the while knew ,i had redemption in the blood of ,jesus1 and that all my sins were forgiven4 ,who can understand8 ,only such as have felt the same40 8#c;dly1 ,in the midst of my troubles1 ,i had liberty in prayer4 ,my understanding and memory remained with me1 and abundance of spiritual matter was suggested to my mind4 ,even passages of scripture1 that ,i never used before1 were brought to me in prayer4 ,i was alarmed in every part1 and cried mightily to ,god4 ,i cried to all about me to pray for me4 ,surely they saw the bitterness of my soul4 ,god remember them for good1 who then sympathized with me in my trouble40 998#dthly1 ,it left me gradually1 and without any sensible joy4 ,peace and confidence arose by degrees1 in my spirit4 ,the very extremity of the combat1 lasted about a quarter of an hour4 ,it just then occurred to me1 that some days before1 ,i heard ,jesus1 as it were1 speak1 and say to me1 ,satan hath desired to have thee1 that he may sift you as wheat1 but ,i have prayed for thee1 that thy faith may not fail4 ,and now ,i fully understood it4 ,in so many instances1 are those words of our ,lord true1 #8,what ,i do1 thou knowest not now2 but thou shalt know hereafter4'0 8#ethly1 ,i felt1 7and might it not be the design of ,god in the whole87 ,that the name of ,jesus alone could avail to bring me to ,god4 ,i had such a deep sense of this1 as ,i never had before4 ,i had besides1 extraordinary evidence of the eternal power and godhead of ,christ ,jesus4 ,in all my illnesses this truth has been wonderfully revealed to me1 both by the external evidence of holy writ1 and the internal evidence of the holy ,spirit4 ,none of the prayers which ,i made use of1 so foiled and drove away ,satan1 as #8,jesus1 ,son of the living ,god1 have mercy upon1 and save me from this hour4' ,likewise the fifty-third of ,isaiah1 the twenty-third of ,jeremiah1 and the sixteenth of ,st4 ,matthew1 with much of the ,revelation1 came into my mind3 and my prayers were made up chiefly of passages from these places4 ,i cried out1 when ,i thought ,i should speak no more1 and said1 ,lord1 ,i have trusted in thee1 and ,i believe thou wilt raise me up at the last day40 8,i had at the same time1 most earnest desires1 to be made holy4 ,i saw more clearly than ever the nature and necessity of perfect love2 and was fully persuaded of the necessity of preaching ,christian perfection1 and of declaring1 that all is of grace40 8#fthly1 ,for four or five days1 after it was over1 ,i had much of the presence of ,god1 and of ,christ4 ,many scripture truths revealed to me1 and strong assurances1 that ,god would spare me a little longer1 to preach his gospel to the ignorant1 and them that are out of the way1 and to help forward the faith of his children40 998,i write this account ,november #h1 #agee1 being pretty free from bodily pain1 at peace with ,god1 and all mankind1 desirous1 and determined to live wholly to the glory of ,god2 to be a servant of all1 giving my life1 time1 and strength1 with every other talent intrusted to me1 to ,god1 and the church1 which my dear ,jesus purchased with his blood4 ,to him with the ,almighty ,father1 and eternal ,spirit1 be ascribed the kingdom1 power1 and glory1 for ever1 and to eternity40 ,the very day on which he wrote these reflections1 and the first of his going out1 after this illness1 it being a day appointed for fasting and prayer1 to avert the judgment of ,god1 which seemed impending over these nations2 he was taken in a chair to the preaching-house1 and preached for a full hour1 8having 7as he expresses it7 a deep sense of the majesty of ,god1 and joyful confidence1 that he would defend the real ,israelites from the impending evil40 ,the frequent experience which he had of remarkable escapes from confinement1 by disorders which threatened him with a sudden removal hence1 and these in times of preaching especially1 made it a frequent and felt expression with him1 8,when ,i am weak1 then ,i am strong40 8,when one knows 7says he1 on another of these occasions7 that ,god is for him1 that he has redemption in the blood of ,christ1 then whether he be rich1 or poor1 in sickness1 or in health1 he is happy1 and can rejoice4 ,have ,i recovered my strength8 ,and am ,i freely forgiven my former trespasses8 ,does the ,spirit of ,god dwell in my heart8 ,and can ,i by faith behold a reconciled ,god1 and interceding ,saviour1 at his right hand8 ,well1 then1 welcome sickness1 contempt1 poverty1 and death4 ,if ,i meet with worldly troubles1 'tis to make my crown the brighter4 ,if ,i suffer for ,christ's sake1 happy am ,i4 ,if ,i bear the cross1 ,i shall wear the crown4 ,is my body cold8 ,i am warmed with the flames of sacred love2 naked8 ,i have a covering of wrought gold1 the righteousness of my ,saviour6 ,hungry8 ,i have meat to eat the world knoweth not of1 the hidden manna1 and the bread of life4 ,let me suffer then with ,christ4 ,men may kill my body2 but it would only send me the sooner to heaven40 ,the following instance1 the last ,i shall mention on this head1 is the rather inserted1 because in it may be seen a true picture of the man1 from the free pourings out of his own heart4 ,it was at ,bristol1 after recovering from a dangerous fever4 998,for three days last past1 ,i had much converse with ,god1 and vehement desires to live wholly to his glory4 ,i have enquired into the reason of mine affliction1 and think1 ,god did it to humble me1 that ,i should not be puffed up with the praises of the people4 ,they cannot indeed too much admire the truths of ,god1 nor be too thankful to him for them4 ,but the danger was1 lest ,i should think myself somebody3 yet ,i cannot lay to my own charge the desire of applause1 neither did ,i find it lift me up3 on the contrary1 it often made me ashamed1 knowing my own vileness1 and how little ,i either suffered or did for ,god40 998,and truly ,i was never more sensible of my unprofitableness1 than ,i am at this hour4 ,i blush to see and hear how others live1 and have lived2 and at how low a rate ,i yet live4 ,but above all1 when ,i consider the life of the holy ,jesus1 ,o how far short do ,i come6 ,i am not entirely dead to myself4 ,i am not altogether free from affection to creatures4 ,i cannot rejoice equally to suffer1 as to be comforted4 ,i speak words ,i ought not4 ,i spend some minutes unprofitably4 ,in short1 ,i do not love ,god1 or my neighbour as ,i ought40 998,o1 was it not for free grace1 and the blood of sprinkling1 where should ,i appear6 ,but thou knowest my desire1 or rather the desire of thy spirit within me4 ,thou knowest that there hast never been a saint upon earth whom ,i do not desire to resemble1 in doing and suffering thy whole will4 ,i would walk with thee1 my ,god1 as ,enoch did4 ,i would follow thee to a land unknown1 as ,abraham did4 ,i would renounce all for thee1 as did ,moses1 and ,paul4 ,i would1 as did ,stephen1 seal thy truth with my blood60 998,is not this the desire of my soul1 ,o my ,saviour8 ,o1 give me power2 give grace and constancy4 ,for unless thou helpest1 all my longings and praying will prove fruitless4 ,but if thou waterest these plants1 of thine own right hand's planting1 this grain shall become a great tree1 and my soul shall be swallowed up in thee my ,lord ,god60 8,jesus was my comfort1 and my joy1 my life1 and my strength4 ,o1 if ,i had not ,jesus for my help1 ,i should be miserable4 ,but since ,i have thee ,i am happy in these my afflictions4 ,the lovely smiles of thy countenance1 which shine with glory1 revive and raise me4 ,o1 divine love6 ,what hast thou done for me1 a poor sinner6 ,bless the ,lord1 ,o my soul1 and forget not his benefits4 8,o that my soul was loosened from this body1 that ,i might ascend the holy hill of the ,lord6 ,my ,jesus1 when shall ,i behold ,thee face to face6 ,o that this separate wall was broken down1 this partition taken away1 and that ,i could even now enter into the celestial courts there to sing everlasting hallelujah's to my ,lord1 ,god1 ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,ghost1 ,amen60 ,,chapter ,x4 ,of his temptations1 conflicts and various exercises of soul4 ,,it is a point of wisdom1 well worthy our pursuit1 to know what in the course of our experience we ought to ascribe to ,god1 to angels1 whether good or evil1 and to ourselves4 ,how greatly would it contribute to prevent many evil reasonings and self-tormenting consternations8 ,and it is a point of knowledge to which the children of the kingdom do actually attain through faith and prayer4 8pusuit0 replaced with 8pursuit0 ,the following few particulars1 in the course of the experience of this man of ,god1 which are ascribed to the agency of the power of darkness1 are 7among an infinity of other instances in the world7 sufficient proofs of the attempts of those malicious spirits1 to steal and to destroy1 to rob us of the grace of ,god1 and to destroy our souls4 ,concerning the variety of inward conflicts which he went through1 he often took notice that they were greatest on the ,lord's day2 and says on the occasion1 8,lord ,i am more afflicted on thy day1 than on any other4 ,thou knowest the cause4 ,if it be the enemy that afflicts me1 do thou rebuke him2 let him have no power over my body or soul4 ,and ,o give me thy meek1 and long-suffering mind to bear whatsoever burden thou permittest to come upon me40 ,he observes likewise1 ,when ,i have most life and power in preaching1 then the devil and sin muster all their force1 and thrust sore at me4 ,but hitherto ,god has preserved me both from the great offence1 and from misery and dejection4 ,the instances of the resistance he found in the time of preaching from invisible powers1 were highly remarkable4 ,he has sometimes started in amaze1 at horrible injections1 concerning ,god1 or ,christ1 or some fundamental article of the ,christian religion2 even then1 while he has been powerfully asserting1 proving1 and enforcing it4 ,i have often heard him say1 there was not a single divine truth1 in the which he was then established1 for which he had not fought1 resisting as it were unto blood4 ,for he would take nothing upon trust2 nor see with the eyes of others4 ,he derived his sentiments1 from the fountain head4 ,his best things came from ,god in the way of labour and striving4 ,he has been sometimes deprived of the use of some of his senses1 during the very time of preaching3 once in particular1 #agea4 ,in the midst of his discourse1 he1 in an instant lost his eye-sight and fell back in the pulpit1 yet retaining1 during the whole time1 the perfect use of his understanding3 he however1 soon recovered1 and finished his sermon4 ,he believed1 and was not confounded4 duplicate word 8and0 removed ,often when he has been disturbed in the silence of the night in ways more than natural1 well knowing the cause1 he has with much confidence1 in the name of ,jesus commanded the adversary to be gone2 and he found it always according to his faith4 ,riding one day with a friend1 and talking as he was wont1 of the goodness of ,god1 and of the confidence which he found in him48,just then1 7says he7 my horse on a plain place threw me over his head4 ,as ,i came to the ground1 it was1 as it were1 sounded in my ears1 #8,will you trust ,god now8' ,yes ,i said1 for ever6 ,through the mercy of the ,lord ,i was not hurt4 ,i saw an enemy had done it4 ,i was thankful and felt no contrary emotion in my heart40 ,one particular which ought perhaps to be reduced to this head1 and which to some1 no doubt1 will appear singular1 was a painful apprehension1 which he sometimes had of dying4 ,and what renders it the more observable is1 that it was so even at those times1 when he could truly triumph in ,christ1 knowing that he should be with him for ever4 ,of this we have the following account from himself4 8,saturday1 ,december #a1 #agec4 ,after preaching ,i studied closely till ten4 ,i found infinite sweetness in ,god2 and much power breathed into my soul after all the mind of ,christ4 ,at present ,i am tempted chiefly with the fear of death4 ,i believe my pardon is sealed by the blood of the covenant4 ,i have no fear of hell1 and yet ,i am sorely apprehensive of death40 ,again1 8,monday #bb;d4 ,i was this day1 as ,i have been frequently of late much perplexed at the thought of dying4 ,i believe my ,redeemer liveth1 and that ,i have an interest in his blood1 and yet1 notwithstanding1 ,i am sore amazed at the thought of dissolution40 ,and thus in reality it was with this servant of ,god2 so that the uncomfortable apprehensions which he sometimes felt1 even till near his end1 in regard of dying must needs be ascribed1 chiefly1 to the permission of ,god to ,satan1 to exercise him in this manner2 and may be considered as a thorn in his flesh1 the messenger of ,satan to buffet him2 perhaps partly for the easement of other tempted souls1 and with regard to himself1 thereby more fully 8,to prove him1 and illustrate his high worth1 ,whose constant perseverance overcame ,whatever ,satan's malice could invent40 ,milton4 ,he studied deeply the nature of the ,christian warfare1 and was well practised in the use of its weapons4 ,his thoughts on the whole armour of ,god1 were the genuine result of his own experience4 ,the combats which he met with1 needed not less than the whole2 and he both tried1 and proved that every part thereof is indeed essential4 ,something very different from the preceeding particulars he relates as follows1 ,there is a sermon of his printed under this title4 8where0 replaced with 8were0 8,friday1 ,august #b1 #aged4 ,i talked with one to-day1 who was sorely tempted1 7how mysterious67 to kill me2 and for no other reason than because she was awakened under my preaching to feel herself a poor lost sinner40 ,again1 8,september #af4 ,after preaching1 a young woman came to me1 and said1 that some time before1 she had brought a knife with her to preaching1 intending to kill me2 but was so terrified under the last prayer1 that she durst not attempt it4 ,the devil suggested1 that if she did but take away my life1 the burden which she felt through my preaching1 would immediately depart40 ,i shall conclude this chapter with a few other particulars1 relating to this head of trials1 taken from his own words4 8,this day ,i was sorely tempted4 ,satan threw many of his fiery darts at me4 ,i never before felt such agony in resisting1 what are commonly called blasphemous thoughts4 ,i cried unto the ,lord1 and he delivered me60 8,in the evening 7not of the same day7 ,i was in great distress4 ,my soul was much weighed down4 ,i felt grievous horror in my spirit1 and yet ,i was resolved1 although the ,lord should slay me1 to trust in him4 ,in the very hour that ,i came to this resolution1 my burden was removed2 and the ,lord gave me to rejoice in spirit40 8,this day1 7,april #aged7 ,i had conversation with some ,christian friends1 concerning temptations1 and the general experience of the saints4 ,and however ,satan may be permitted to trouble their body or soul1 ,i always believed1 that ,god doth not hide his face1 unless to punish us for commission of sin1 or omission of duty4 ,and the more ,i meditate upon this subject1 the more abundantly ,i am confirmed in my judgment40 8,thursday #ba4 ,i had a miserable night4 ,sometime after ,i went to bed1 ,i was sorely assaulted of the devil4 ,i attempted to compose myself1 but could not4 ,i was suddenly seized with a weakness1 and cold sweat4 ,my heart failed me4 ,my soul was afflicted2 my spirit was grieved1 and sore vexed4 ,the eye of my faith was darkened2 the sense of ,god's love departed2 and the anger of the ,lord seemed revealed towards me4 ,i could see nothing but thick darkness1 and hear nothing but thundrings from ,sinai6 ,it seemed to me1 as though there was a struggle between justice and mercy concerning me4 ,but although ,i was in such confusion1 and perplexity1 ,i saw that mercy got the victory1 and triumphed over judgment40 998,my strength so failed me that it seemed as though ,i had not an hour to live4 ,i rose however1 and dressed myself2 but could scarcely pray one word4 ,i cried ,mercy6 ,mercy6 ,mercy6 ,i stretched myself upon the floor1 and could weep only a few tears4 ,i had gone through sore trouble and darkness before this time2 but such a night as this1 ,i never had before 7and ,o my ,god1 may ,i never see such another47 ,after being for some time on the floor1 ,i got up and walked a little1 about the room2 and then threw myself upon my knees4 ,being a little revived1 ,i went to bed again4 ,during the little while ,i slept1 ,i had before me the cause of my trouble4 ,i soon got up1 and my head was now as water1 and my eyes a fountain of tears4 8,my confidence returned1 so that ,i could look up and believe that the ,lord was mine4 ,i went and preached on ,zechariah iv4 #g4 ,who art thou ,o great mountain8 ,before ,zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain2 and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings1 crying1 grace1 grace unto it4 ,and my soul was humbled to the dust4 ,my praying and preaching was from my very heart4 ,let it be for ever remembered1 to the glory of the great ,god1 and my ,saviour ,christ1 that ,i was not suffered to be long in this condition4 ,in about half an hour1 ,i received some confidence1 and in the morning my faith was increased4 8,let it be also remarked1 that the scripture promises were of great comfort to me1 particularly ,hosea xiv4 #a4 ,john ii4 #b1 #c4 ,glory1 honour1 praise1 worship1 and dominion be ascribed unto thee1 ,o ,lord6 ,ye angels of ,god1 bless him on my behalf6 ,let all in heaven and all in earth join to worship the triune ,god1 ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,ghost60 ,the following was some time after4 8,tuesday1 #ba4 ,i had a sorrowful morning4 ,my soul was in heaviness through manifold temptations4 ,the enemy came upon me in my sleep1 and grieved my soul4 ,although ,i had joy at night1 yet sorrow attended me in the morning4 ,i had intended to have preached on the beatitudes2 but finding myself full of troubles and temptations1 ,i changed my purpose and preached from ,hebrews iv4 #adaf4 ,o my ,god1 must ,i perish8 ,hast thou brought me thus far and shall ,i be cast off8 ,o1 forbid it ,saviour4 ,forsake not the work of thine own hands4 ,come and destroy the work of the devil6 ,my ,god1 my ,god1 do not forsake me4 ,thou knowest that sin is hateful to me4 ,have ,i not a love to righteousness8 ,do not my soul and flesh cry out for the living ,god8 ,am ,i not willing to go even through the fire1 rather than offend ,thee8 ,why then should the enemy prevail against me8 8,jesus hast thou not bought my soul8 ,am not ,i thine8 ,o that my head were waters1 ,o that ,i could even weep tears of blood3 ,lord ,god let not thy loving kindness depart from me4 ,where art thou ,jesus thou ,son of ,god6 ,my great ,high-,priest1 where is thy atoning blood8 ,where is he that was tempted in all points like unto me8 ,is there no help for me in my ,god8 ,why art thou cast down ,o my soul8 ,o that ,i could yield my last breath1 if nothing else will end the strife6 ,oh6 the languishments of my soul for an absent ,god6 ,how does my spirit faint within me6 ,how do ,i pine6 ,o sun of righteousness1 arise upon me with healing in thy wings4 ,come ,lord ,jesus1 ,o come1 and save me for thy mercy's sake4 ,where are the soundings of thy bowels1 ,dost thou not see my labouring breast8 ,is not my pain even worse than strangling8 ,return ,o ,lord1 see my gasping longing1 aching heart4 ,am ,i not an object of pity8 ,have ,i not need of ,thee6 ,now answer me by fire6 ,get thyself the victory6 ,i want the seal of thy ,spirit1 the earnest of my heaven60 ,the ,lord did hear his prayer4 ,i find it therefore added soon after4 8,o how plentifully did the ,lord pour his love and consolation into my soul6 ,i am amazed at the goodness and long-suffering of ,god towards me4 ,and ,i observe in general1 that after great heaviness and conflicts1 come extraordinary joy and consolation4 ,o may ,i husband well this precious gift of ,god60 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,his communion with ,god4 ,,under this head1 is comprehended the whole of his conduct1 and experience1 as a ,christian1 considered in his private capacity4 ,and for this especially1 we are furnished with the most ample materials1 both from the general tenor of his conversation and from his diary4 ,he lived for this one thing4 ,all his actions and employments had this single tendency2 and he considered every thing else1 with reference thereto3 making his estimate of the good or evil of every intention1 action1 exercise1 and understanding1 according as it tended to promote1 or hinder this best of pursuits1 and noblest enjoyment of the human soul4 ,without regarding the inclinations of nature1 he embraced1 or rejected every thing1 with a view altogether to the promotion of the holy and happy fellowship of his soul with the ,father1 and with his ,son ,jesus ,christ4 ,i am aware1 how much more easy it is to say great things on this head1 concerning one's self1 or others1 than to say nothing but the truth4 ,and it may be questioned1 whether the greater part of the shining accounts hereof which we have seen1 are the simple truth3 the writers often shewing1 rather what they could say1 than what the persons whom they describe1 really were4 ,it is a fruitless expectation to look for more in men1 than the state of humanity really admits4 ,the perfection of human kind is such a state of mind and body1 as their nature admits of1 and as ,god has provided for them1 in the ocean of his love1 and treasures of his grace4 ,the sum of our perfection is1 that being saved from all our enemies1 7that is sins1 including all wrong tempers1 as well as words1 and actions17 we love ,god with all the powers of the soul1 and serve him1 with the whole capacity1 of both our soul and body4 ,and whoever has attained to this 7which whoso denies the possibility of1 rejects the counsel and word of ,god7 is1 a perfect man1 according to the scripture2 manifold infirmities1 necessarily connected with a dying body notwithstanding4 99,this servant of ,god had his infirmities1 properly so called1 which often made him weep in secret places4 ,and yet1 so powerfully did the grace of our ,lord work in him1 to the destruction of sin2 and to such a degree of victory did he attain over himself1 the world and ,satan1 that1 to many1 he seemed more than human2 being in truth a man of another world1 in whom dwelt richly the ,spirit of the living ,god4 ,to such as were witnesses of his fervent zeal1 mighty prayer1 steady seriousness1 and habitual heavenly-mindedness1 ,i shall not wonder if all that follows1 seems far short of a full description of him4 ,and yet1 ,i am aware on the other hand1 that to many others1 it may have all the air of mere ideal flight1 or enthusiastic folly2 to persons1 who1 cold themselves1 think ardor comes from hell4 ,the deep1 and genuine acquaintance with ,god1 to which he attained1 was in truth beyond that which the generality of ,christians arrive at2 although all are1 without doubt1 equally entitled thereto4 ,he truly put off the old man with his deeds1 and became renewed in the spirit of his mind4 ,he fully experienced the significancy of those words1 ,sin shall not have dominion over you4 ,and he that hath suffered in the flesh1 hath ceased from sin4 ,as also1 ye are dead3 and he that is dead1 is freed from sin4 ,and from hence it was1 that there appeared throughout his whole carriage1 such fruit unto holiness4 ,in him might be seen1 how great things ,god doth for his children1 who simply follow him1 even in this world3 no less than making them complete before him in love4 ,my first acquaintance with him1 begun soon after the mercy of ,god had stirred me up1 to seek his face4 ,from a studious regard to the holy scriptures1 it was soon given me to understand1 what manner of person a ,christian approved of ,god must be3 and thenceforward1 ,i both read1 conversed1 and thought of little else4 ,and in him ,i saw clearly1 what till then ,i had only conceived3 in him my conceptions were truly exemplified4 ,much had been reported1 both of the gifts and graces of ,mr4 ,walsh2 yet1 ,i found in him1 much more1 than ,i had either conceived or heard4 ,nor did the long intimacy with him1 with which ,i was afterwards privileged1 alter1 in the least my sentiments4 ,it might perhaps be thought tedious1 minutely to describe all the particular graces1 which adorned his life4 ,and indeed to conceive of the excellencies which appeared in him1 they need not be attended to1 one by one2 for neither so1 could they be fully comprehended4 ,but he walked before ,god1 in such a manner1 as abundantly included them all4 ,he was a person of a surprizing greatness of soul1 for which the whole circumference of created good1 was far1 far too little3 he found in ,god4 8,that something still1 which prompts th' eternal sigh1 ,for which we bear to live1 nor fear to die40 ,the love of ,jesus1 filled up in his soul1 that mighty void1 this whole creation leaves in human hearts4 ,his exactness in all those particulars1 which comprize men's duty to ,god1 their neighbour and themselves1 was such1 and so well known1 that it would be easy to swell this chapter1 by enlarging on each of them1 to an enormous size4 ,but passing over the greater part of them1 ,i shall only point out a few particulars1 relating chiefly to his internal state1 which were within my own notice3 referring the reader1 for a larger1 and more satisfactory picture of him1 to the following collection from his diary3 in which are represented1 those secret transactions of ,god upon his soul1 to which himself alone could be privy4 ,the particulars ,i premise are1 ,i4 ,his ,prayer4 ,from the earliest dawn of the grace of ,god in his soul1 he was singularly remarkable for constancy and importunity in prayer4 ,he was early a wrestler with ,god1 and prevailed to the obtaining that eminency in the knowledge of ,god1 for which he was apprehended in ,christ1 and which is here related in part4 ,the more he got acquainted with divine things1 the more did he increase in this soul-enriching exercise4 8,he that has never prayed1 can never conceive2 and he that has prayed1 as he ought1 can never forget1 how much is to be gained by prayer40 ,beside the daily1 and often public pouring out of his soul1 in general intercession1 and occasional addresses to ,god1 in behalf of needy souls 7groaning under the guilt of sin1 or body of corruption1 or whatever was the cause7 who often came to him for that purpose2 he had his own stated times for approaching ,god in secret2 in which it was far from sufficing1 barely to present himself1 and wait1 whether in silence1 or in discourse before the ,lord4 ,he accounted the work still to do1 unless he felt his spirit affected with sentiments suitable to his condition2 whether of holy mourning1 self reprehension1 recovery1 or increase of peace and joy in the ,holy ,ghost1 or some establishment in faith1 meekness1 patience1 hope1 or love4 ,praying with all prayer1 seemed the business of his life2 for the doing of which1 he waited neither for postures1 times1 or places4 ,an heart so disposed1 rendered holy to him1 every thing of this kind1 which may be said of places4 99,prostrate upon his face1 kneeling1 standing1 walking1 eating2 in every posture1 and in every place and condition1 he was a man mighty in prayer4 ,in sleep itself1 to my certain knowledge1 his soul went on 7,canticles v4 #b47 in groans1 and sighs1 and tears to ,god4 ,his heart having attained such a habit of tendency to its ,lord1 could then only give over1 when it ceased to beat4 ,the enjoyments of the divine sweetness1 which ,god imparted to him in secret1 and the nearness of access to the divine ,majesty1 with which he was favoured1 were indeed amazing4 ,he has been sometimes1 as it were1 lost in glorious absence1 on his knees1 with his face heavenward1 and arms clasped round his breast3 in such composure1 that scarce could one hear him so much as breathe4 ,his soul seemed absorbed in ,god1 and enjoyed a calmness and transport1 which can here1 be well enough reconciled4 ,from the serenity1 and something resembling splendor1 which appeared on his countenance1 and in all his gestures afterwards1 one might easily discover1 what he had been about4 99,it was especially towards the conclusion of his ,lord's work1 that he was favoured with such near fellowship with him4 ,he approached the throne of grace with much of the reverential boldness of faith1 believing1 that whatever he asked1 he should have the petitions he asked for2 the holy ,spirit making intercession in his heart1 according to the will of ,god4 ,and to such a degree of confidence in him1 did he arrive by this means1 that in the greatest straits of his life 7and he met with some things which came home to him1 with the deepest sensibility7 he was more than kept up2 so that he seemed to fear nothing1 even where1 to all human apprehension1 every thing was to be feared4 ,he so abandoned himself to ,god1 in the discharge of his duty1 that his very friends were sometimes ready to charge him with being a little rash or imprudent4 ,altho' he endeavoured to use his understanding as far as ever it would go2 yet acting in view of those things which are not seen1 and from motives referring to eternity1 he was not1 it is true1 so attentive to the decorums among men1 as mere human prudence would have dictated4 ,and in reality it is a truth1 which is learned from a series of experience1 and confirmed by numberless examples1 that whoever would do much for ,god1 should take care of being 7in a sense7 too wise4 ,there is reason to think1 that if the apostles themselves had consulted the directions of bare human reason1 they never had undertook the conversion of the world4 ,an habitual spirit of mortification served as wings to his prayer4 ,and perhaps the want of this1 is1 much more than is commonly thought1 a grand cause of that indisposedness to1 and weariness in prayer1 which is so generally complained of among ,christians2 many of whom are often even glad of a pretended occasion to avoid the duty4 8,something is amiss in us1 and it wanted a name1 till the ,spirit of ,god1 by enjoining us the duty of mortification1 hath taught us to know1 that want of mortification of spirit1 is the case of all1 at least of many of our secret and spiritual indispositions4 ,the excellencies of heaven cannot be discerned but by a spirit disrelishing the low appetites of the world4 ,unless our spirit be mortified1 we neither love to pray1 nor does ,god love to hear us40 ,we find all the way thro' our heavenly journey1 that to be carnally minded1 in the least degree1 is a proportionable degree of death4 ,and that a mind truly spiritual alone1 has true life and peace4 ,it is hard to say positively which he was most remarkable for1 the spirit or the gift of prayer1 tho' it need not be told which he most esteemed4 ,his public character1 made it right and necessary for him1 to desire and endeavour after spiritual gifts4 ,and the eminency to which he arrived therein in general1 is too well known to need a particular relation4 ,to hear him1 on some occasions pour out his soul to ,god1 made one often think1 whence hath a man these things8 ,such a sluice of divine oratory ran thro' the whole of his language on religious subjects1 as is rarely to be met with4 ,his public addresses to ,god1 were commonly well nigh altogether1 in the words of the ,holy ,ghost4 99,it seemed as tho' he turned the whole bible into words of adoration1 confession1 petition1 supplication1 thanksgiving and glory3 while at the same time his expressions glowed with the love of ,god3 and all this with such ardour1 intention1 pertinency and faith1 that it has seemed sometimes 7one time in particular was peculiarly noticed7 as tho' the heavens were burst open1 and ,god himself appeared in the congregation4 ,something of that ,acts iv4 #ca4 was often conceived while he prayed4 ,but he made no account of this with regard to the perfection of his own soul4 ,he made it his chief aim to follow after love1 and to live in a momentary spirit of watchful prayer4 99,he has sometimes had very remarkable answers to prayer4 ,one only ,i shall mention4 ,a number of religious societies both in ,england and ,ireland appointed a public fast1 for the imploring ,god1 to restore to health an eminent servant of the church1 who had been some time under languishment of body4 ,mr4 ,walsh was then in ,dublin1 and pouring out his soul about noon1 he spoke aloud1 in a manner which shewed it not to be of himself1 and said he shall not die1 but live1 and declare the works of the ,lord4 ,and1 blessed be ,god1 the event shewed the prediction to be of ,god4 ,towards the latter part of his progress1 and before his last sickness in particular1 his prayer had less of labour in it than formerly2 and consisted for the most part1 of a passive receiving the impressions of the divine ,spirit3 ,god acting rather in him1 than he acted himself4 ,and so still1 and recollected did he frequently appear herein1 that it was as if ,god was visibly before him1 and that he spoke to the divine ,majesty1 with nearness of access1 and child-like familiarity4 ,indeed every object and occurrence1 spoke to him of ,god3 nor could there be wanting to him1 at any time or place1 incentives to raise his heart in prayer or praise to him whom his soul loved4 ,one particular which he learned in the course of his experience1 was1 that altho' the lights which are received from ,god in the way of prayer1 are1 of all others1 to be most faithfully attended to2 yet nevertheless1 one ought not to act upon every appearance of this kind2 that the enemy of man's salvation can1 and often does1 mimick the ,spirit of ,god2 and as an angel of light1 imposes upon the servants of ,god1 by representing as from him1 that which is often no other than ,satan's illusions1 or our own imagination3 on account of which1 some persons have in most ages1 been led into grievous mistakes1 and improprieties of conduct4 ,he perceived danger with regard to himself from this quarter1 and was therefore very sparing in mentioning much of what he often felt4 ,he weighed every thing by the word of ,god1 avoided precipitancy of conduct1 and making haste2 and at the same time1 laboured continually to abandon himself1 as it were blindfold to the teaching of the ,spirit of truth1 and of purity4 ,,ii4 ,redeeming the time4 ,in order to do this effectually1 his manner was to draw up a plan in writing 7till use made it familiar to him7 of the manner1 in which he judged it most profitable to spend the day4 ,he distributed it into certain portions1 and assigned to each its particular employment3 allowing only for occasional interruptions in the business of his profession4 ,reading the scriptures1 prayer1 and visiting the sick1 had the grand places in this division4 ,he could never find any leisure for mere1 ceremonious visits1 or unnecessary conversation of any kind4 ,even at meals1 and indeed in every little incidental matter he ceased not to pursue his main end of living3 namely1 to get1 and to do good in his generation4 99,it was really surprizing1 to see his thriftiness in this particular4 ,he even deprived himself of such indulgences as nature required1 in order to her performing the offices he imposed upon her3 such1 for example1 as abstaining from all study immediately after meals3 when1 notwithstanding he eat exceeding sparingly1 more relaxation would have been better for his health3 likewise1 a sufficient quantity of proper exercise2 but most of all1 a sufficiency of sleep4 ,he was often up late at study1 and his general time of rising was four o'clock1 or a little after1 sometimes between three and four4 ,he was often urged to take more rest4 ,i remember once to have heard a gentlewoman1 compassionating the wasting1 dying condition of his body1 saying1 8,sure ,mr4 ,walsh1 you may at least1 lie longer in bed on ,sunday morning1 when the preaching is not so early40 ,to which he replied with his usual zeal and abrupt plainness1 #8,should a man rob ,god8' ,he was commonly up earliest on the ,lord's-day1 for which he had the highest veneration4 ,he has sometimes said1 he thought there was something peculiarly sacred in the very air1 and the whole structure of nature on this day4 99,during the long intimacy ,i had with him1 ,i do not remember to have known him spend a minute in discourses about national occurrences1 politics1 or worldly diversions4 ,he knew that these were not his affairs1 and that his business was ,one4 ,and the same may be said of what is called free and pleasant conversation4 ,so provident was he of time1 and so bent upon the pursuit of that 8immense revenue which each moment pays10 that in whatsoever company he was1 unless something relative to the one thing needful was discoursed of1 he either took out a book 7impolite as it may seem7 or continued in profound silence1 save when he answered a question4 ,and if at any time any thing vain1 or tending to levity was spoken1 so as to occasion the least appearance of approbation in his looks or gesture1 he severely reprehended himself for it afterwards1 and prayed for strength for the time to come4 ,and yet notwithstanding all his caution1 care1 and diligence1 he frequently lamented his not improving the time better1 #8,i do not use every moment to the best purposes1' was a frequent reflection with him against himself4 ,,iii4 ,disengagement from the world4 ,although what has been said of him already1 implies his just contempt of every earthly thing2 yet his eminency therein1 deserves to be taken some farther notice of4 ,his indifferency to this world was such1 as even bordered upon abhorrency2 and the rather1 as he could not but observe1 what a gulph to souls it is2 and how many are lost for ever through their undue attachment to it4 ,he kept at the utmost distance from what worldly men most ardently court1 and earnestly sought what they most abhor4 ,the vain things2 riches1 honours1 and pleasures of this world1 were too poor1 for so generous a heart3 he shewed the greatness of his soul1 by despising all that was beneath it4 ,he had the most generous contempt of money2 esteeming it 7unless to bestow on the poor1 or procure a book sometimes7 as the pebbles in the street4 ,he had a full reliance on the providence of ,god1 and found a happiness therein1 which infinitely surpassed all the enjoyments and treasures of the universe4 ,,iv4 ,recollection of spirit1 and government of his thoughts4 99,his carriage1 aspect1 words1 and the whole of his behaviour1 spoke the solemnity and profound recollection of his soul4 ,nor can a stranger better conceive of him1 in regard to this particular1 than by forming to himself1 an idea of a person returned from the happy dead1 conversing with men4 ,and it was nearly in this manner that some have expressed their surprize at him4 ,a gentleman said to me one day1 8,i met ,mr4 ,walsh in the street1 and ,i declare he seemed to me like a person returned from the other world40 ,so emaciated a countenance1 such fixedness of thought1 and serenity of deportment1 as appeared in him1 towards the conclusion of his race especially1 were surprising in so young a man2 and discovered a something1 very different from the busy ways of men4 ,one needed only to look on him to perceive that there was something in him more than common4 ,and if as the son of ,sirach says1 8,a man may be known by his look1 and one that has understanding may be perceived by the marking of his countenance10 they must be indeed1 superficial observers1 that could not discern in his very aspect the excellencies that dwelt within him4 ,an air of wisdom and piety appeared in him continually4 ,there seemed to be something peculiarly distinguishing in the very features of his countenance4 ,some have taken him to be little less than forty years of age1 at the time he was but about five and twenty4 99,his uniform composure was the rather to be noticed1 as his life was not of the recluse1 but of the popular kind4 ,he had to do with multitudes2 and1 unless on special occasions1 was seldom above six hours together out of company4 ,it is true he seldom appeared in publick1 unless to speak of the things of eternity1 in some respect or other4 ,but he was so shut in with ,god1 that all places became alike to him2 and he retained the same attention to ,god in the most thronged streets of ,london1 as he could have had in the most sequestered wilderness4 ,curious sights1 elegant furniture in shops or houses1 magnificent buildings1 fine shews1 the ringing of bells1 firing of guns1 with every thing of this kind2 were no more to him than the chirping of a sparrow1 or the buzzing of a fly4 99,to all which1 the constant government which he had over his senses1 greatly contributed4 ,the difference of tastes1 harmony of sounds1 and whatever his eyes could behold1 were as nothing to him4 ,he was in this respect truly crucified to the world1 and the world to him4 ,even in travelling through the most pleasant parts of the country1 and in the pleasantest seasons1 when the stupendous beauties of the creation1 the spacious firmament1 the verdure of the country1 7nature's loveliest universal robe27 the music of the groves1 and all the joint beauties of nature1 might have furnished him with delightful contemplation2 yet he seemed insensible to the whole1 enjoying a 8,paradise within him happier far60 99,when he at any time adverted to the works of ,god in the creation1 he was delighted chiefly with the heavens1 paved as it were1 with those living fires1 the spangled stars4 ,but the use which he made of every thing1 was to get more acquainted with ,god1 and so by this stupendous scaffolding ,creation's golden steps to climb to him6 ,he was in truth loosed from earth's inclosure1 and from the contracted circle of the sun1 his heart was set at large4 ,christ1 and the scriptures1 with things pertaining to them1 were the only and uniform objects of his attention1 and every thing1 place or person1 which did not serve to promote1 in some degree1 his knowledge and love of these1 had with him the estimate of trivial and insignificant4 99,and hence it was1 that the presence of ,god became so exceeding familiar to him4 ,he could not be content a moment without it4 ,and hereby was he fitted likewise1 for more glorious1 and more frequent divine communications2 of which he had not a few1 in the course of his progress4 ,several times has he been quite lost to himself1 and insensible of every thing about him1 being left in the visions of ,god4 ,two instances in particular are related in his diary1 in which he seemed as though he was out of the body for sometime4 ,one day ,i remember going to visit a person who was ill1 as soon he got to the stair case1 being in his usual composure1 8,did you see that light80 said he1 with a sudden low voice4 ,to which ,i answered partly with a sigh1 having seen nothing4 ,he said no more4 ,but it was easy to discern in him the rest of that day and night1 a very peculiar solemnity of soul4 ,in places of publick worship1 he hardly ever saw any body1 so as to distinguish them2 and in every means of grace1 his grand aim was1 to find more of ,god within him4 ,he waited for this in lively earnest composure2 and thus approaching the ,lord's table in particular1 he ate the flesh and drank the blood of the ,son of ,god indeed4 8,my heart burned6 ,was in a flame6 ,o what a fire of divine love was there60 were the frequent memorials which he left in his diary1 after communicating those heavenly sweets1 which often overflowed his soul at the altar1 and spread their inundation over every other part of his holy living4 ,his recollection carried itself into the midst of all his labours1 in which he was still preserved1 without dissipation1 notwithstanding their multiplicity1 and sometimes intricate nature4 ,it was very usual with him to express what he felt of ,god1 by the simile of fire1 to which the operations of the ,holy ,ghost are frequently compared in scripture4 ,he often felt in prayer1 in preaching1 and walking1 a kind of scorching within him1 from the love of ,god4 ,and from the abundance of the heart1 his mouth generally spoke4 ,words of life1 and fire issued as it were out of his lips1 which were no other than the sparks of a burning heart4 ,and often he could hardly refrain from expressing the holy raptures of his soul out aloud2 as1 ,o holy ,god6 ,glorious ,jehovah6 ,blessed ,jesus6 ,son of the living ,god6 ,he used frequently to stand up and sing1 ,o love1 how chearing is thy ray6 ,all pain before thy presence flies6 ,care1 anguish1 sorrow melt away1 ,where'er thy healing beams arise2 ,o ,jesu1 nothing may ,i see1 ,nothing hear1 feel1 or think but thee6 ,give to my eyes refreshing tears1 ,give to my heart chase hallow'd fires1 ,give to my soul with filial fears1 ,the love that all heaven's host inspires3 ,that all my powers with all their might ,in thy sole glory may unite6 ,there was at first an eagerness in his spirit for the success of his labours1 but he in time became unanxious on the head1 being taught of ,god1 that having done his part1 he should think no more about the matter1 but still go on straight forward1 keeping himself in repose with ,god3 in imitation of the angels1 who continually watch over the souls1 which ,god hath given them in charge2 but who lose nothing of their tranquility or happiness1 even when their utmost care is unsuccessful4 ,and from hence partly1 arose that extreme tenderness of conscience1 which was so remarkable in him1 and which gave him a constant holy jealousy over himself in every thing he did2 so that not a word1 motion1 or a look1 could escape him1 unexamined or uncensured1 if it deserved it2 hence likewise it was1 that he had so very peculiar a regard to all his words2 speaking either to the purpose1 that is1 when occasion required him to speak1 or not at all4 ,and yet notwithstanding his utmost circumspection1 he was deeply conscious1 how far short he still came of that rectitude1 and entire renovation becoming a person in fellowship with the ,god of unspotted holiness4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 8,v40 replaced with 8,,xii40 ,some particulars relating to the head of his communion with ,god4 ,v4 ,,his great rule was to imitate our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 in the most perfect manner he could4 ,the whole tenor of his conduct plainly discovered1 that he sought nothing but ,god4 ,there was in the chastity of his manners1 a purity next to angelical2 and a circumspection in his every step1 which declared1 that to him to live was ,christ4 ,he kept at the utmost distance from sensual indulgences of every kind4 ,his senses were kept under the closest custody1 and he examined his conscience almost continually4 ,nor could it be observed at any time1 that he acted otherwise than within the rules of the utmost decency4 ,,vi4 99,he was a man of tears1 and sighs1 and groans4 ,he wanted not indeed the joy of a good conscience2 and knowing continually in whom he believed1 he enjoyed the benefits resulting therefrom1 and yet this notwithstanding1 the whole of his ,christian pilgrimage1 was interspersed with much weeping4 ,he seldom had a dry handkerchief a whole day together2 his eyes being for the most part1 in private especially1 as opened fountains2 and which did not cease to flow in the night season4 ,how often have ,i known him water his pillow with those briny rivers6 ,sometimes lamenting his two great estrangement from his beloved2 sometimes mourning for the mourners2 but oftener than all1 he was sick of love6 ,love to the ,crucified6 ,to some indeed1 there seemed in him something1 at least bordering upon1 an unyielding austerity of spirit3 and so much is true1 that with regard to men1 and evil angels1 he was undaunted1 and courageous1 as a lion1 in the cause of ,god1 and of a good conscience3 yet1 in other respects1 he was a man of the keenest sensibility1 and tenderest affections4 ,he was in the presence of his invisible observer1 pliant as melted wax1 and cloathed with dove-like meekness4 ,he was often1 as it were1 deluged in tears1 prostrate before the footstool of his ,lord's majesty1 and overwhelmed with a sense of his glory4 ,,vii4 ,he was without affectation1 a man of humility2 not indeed so as to disown1 or not to make use of the gifts and graces1 with which ,god had endowed him3 this would have been to lie against the truth2 but notwithstanding all that he had1 yet taking knowledge whence it came1 he esteemed himself as nothing2 but was truly diffident of1 and heartily despised himself4 ,and the only use which he made of the superior qualifications which ,god bestowed upon him1 was to consider himself as obliged thereby1 to devote himself more abundantly to the service of ,god1 and of his neighbour4 ,the praises of others served only to abase him1 at the sight of his own nothingness4 #8,lord1 ,i am vile6 a worm6 ,o deliver me from this evil man myself6 ,thou only art worthy1' were the frequent expressions of his lips and pen4 ,if any person1 at any time1 gave him but the smallest hint1 by way of reproof1 he received it either with silence1 or thankfulness1 according to the manner and occasion thereof4 ,and supposing it to be a matter in which he was really without blame1 yet the reproof was not lost upon him4 ,he thereby took occasion1 to enter more deeply into himself1 making the strictest scrutiny into the whole of his tempers and behaviour4 ,he often said to ,god on these occasions1 #8,lord1 though thou knowest ,i am clear in this matter1 yet1 alas6 ,how many things are there for which ,i stand reproved before thee6 ,my ,god1 ,i adore thee in this1 which thou hast permitted4' ,he often repeated as a lesson of instruction to himself1 those words of ,kempis1 8,thou dust1 learn to obey4 ,thou earth and clay1 learn to demean thyself4 ,thou oughtest to be such a little child1 that every body might trample thee under their feet in the streets40 ,,viii4 ,there was the utmost steadiness in the whole of his religious conduct4 ,the course of the sun1 and the seasons1 is not more regular1 than were his successive exercises of prayer1 meditation1 preaching1 and study2 so that from knowing how he spent one day1 may be gathered1 his manner of spending whole months1 or years2 allowing only for the difference of circumstances and occasions4 ,thus it was in things pertaining to ,god1 and his service2 though at the same time1 his attention to himself1 his ease and conveniencies1 was such1 that some have accounted it not less than blame-worthy negligence3 so truly did he live1 not to himself1 or the will of man1 but to ,god4 ,,ix4 ,the love of ,god was the fountain1 whence issued forth those fruitful streams1 which rendered his soul flourishing as the garden of the ,lord1 and extended their salutary influence all around1 wherever he came4 ,it was to this he reduced every thing4 ,all his works were done in love1 and therefore wrought in ,god4 ,it was a debt he was ever paying1 and from which he was never to be discharged4 #8,my ,god1 let me love thee6 ,jesus1 ,son of the living ,god1 thou knowest that ,i love thee6 ,o love divine1 what hast thou done6 ,o that all the world did but know thee6 ,how would they then love thee1 thou altogether lovely6' ,to this effect he often breathed out the warm emotions of his heart3 so deeply was he penetrated with the love of ,god his ,saviour4 ,he was always exceedingly pleased with1 and frequently repeated those lines1 8,eternity too short to speak thy praise6 ,or fathom thy profound of love to man60 ,and again1 without regarding their connexion2 but overwhelmed with the thought of the dying love of ,jesus1 he would utter sometimes abruptly1 and with astonishment1 8,sensations new in angel bosoms rise ,suspend their song2 and make a pause in bliss40 99,lastly1 ,by faith ,i stand6 was his concluding point1 after all that ,god had done for him4 ,and it was not unusual with him to say1 on the closest examination of all he was1 and all he did1 8,if ,christ forsook me but for a moment1 ,i should fall and perish after all40 ,yes1 it was from his fullness he received all his good things1 and with the dependent helplessness of an infant1 he had recourse to him continually1 for light1 and strength1 and love3 for every thing in short1 which he wanted4 ,he could be happy only in conversation with him2 delighted peculiarly in those parts of scripture which describe and endear him2 and from the fulness of his whole soul1 repeated often1 ,god forbid that ,i should glory1 save in the cross of my ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,to him that hath loved us1 and washed us from our sins in his own blood1 to him be the glory1 both now and to eternity6 99,to sum up this head4 ,he thought prayer to be more his business than any thing else in this world2 and from the desire which he had to redeem the time1 he employed great part of the night1 as well as the day1 in prayer1 meditation1 study1 and labouring for the good of his neighbour4 ,he was profoundly serious1 and always recollected at home and abroad4 ,he watched over every motion of his soul1 keeping his thoughts in subjection to ,christ continually4 ,he proposed to himself the man ,christ ,jesus1 as his great model and rule in every thing2 imitating him especially1 in the purity of his body1 and in the chastity of his affections4 ,walking in deep humility before ,god1 he was patient of reproof1 nor ever retorted any thing1 with heat or prejudice4 ,there was a steadiness in his proceedings for ,god1 and in reference to eternity1 which not all the powers of earth and hell were able to interrupt4 ,he ate but little1 wept much1 loved more1 received all by faith2 and rarely opened his mouth1 but about heavenly things4 ,,part ,,iii4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,an extract from ,mr4 ,thomas ,walsh's diary1 relating chiefly1 to the experience of his own soul1 in his course of walking with ,god4 ,,concerning the extract which here follows1 it may be premised1 #a4 ,that although there was the utmost uniformity in the whole series of his progress2 nevertheless1 few persons were so sensible of various alterations in spirit1 with respect to the sensations of joy and sorrow2 delight in ,god1 and complainings for the want of it3 owing in great measure to a singular tenderness of conscience2 and the close attention which he had to all the movements of his inward man2 so that things which some overlook1 or entirely disregard1 were esteemed by him1 with regard to himself at least1 as capital defections1 from the law of perfect liberty and love4 ,his diary consists of the feeling of his own heart1 through every part of his ,christian race1 with scarce a single hour omitted4 ,he always wrote down reflections upon himself1 as either the pressure1 or felicity of his soul at that time suggested2 adding any spiritual observation1 or maxim1 which his own experience confirmed to him4 #b4 ,it will be easily discerned1 that the peculiarity of his writing1 is a certain sententious abruptness2 owing in part to the genius of the ,hebrew tongue1 in which his latter studies wholly terminated4 ,though what most contributed thereto1 was the rapid flow of his soul1 on the subjects of which he either spoke or wrote1 which raised him above attending to that accuracy1 which writings1 at least of a public nature require4 ,in many places there is therefore a manifest deficiency1 both as to words1 particles and stops2 in short1 like the writings of the antients1 without period or paragraph1 in most places3 so that liberty has been necessarily taken to add1 retrench1 or alter1 sometimes a word1 or sentence1 to render the sense intelligible2 though still retaining his sense entire4 #c4 ,the inserting the precise date of every day's experience1 is judged unnecessary4 ,moreover the experience of several days1 sometimes distant from each other1 7tho' rarely above a week7 are thrown into the same paragraph1 for the sake of brevity4 ,the series of particulars1 as to the order of time1 is related as they occurred2 and every paragraph begins with the experience of a distant day4 ,the reader being advertised of these particulars1 we proceed to the extract itself4 8,at the close of this last day of the year1 7#agej1 the year in which he began to preach7 ,i examined myself how ,i had lived the past year8 ,and could only say1 ,i had not wickedly departed from my ,god2 but was heartily ashamed that ,i had not glorified him better2 resolving to watch for the time to come40 998,i prayed to ,god for quietness1 and humility of mind2 and found assistance against #8this evil man1 myself4' ,o for a heart constantly fixed on ,god6 ,i was reproved this day in spirit for an idle word40 8,the ,lord was with me all this day4 ,i desire to be with the ,lord continually1 that my communion may be stronger with ,jesus than ever4 ,o1 it is heaven upon earth to have ,christ in ones heart4 ,it is the beginning of the glory of ,god1 to receive the lovely ,jesus2 and with him1 the joy of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,o that ,i had the tongue of an angel to praise my ,lord6 ,hasten ,lord the glad hour when ,i shall see thee as thou art60 8,i preached this morning on the great and precious promises1 ,ezekiel xxxvi4 ,my soul aspired to have them accomplished2 for ,i feel the evil of my nature1 and especially the evil heart of unbelief that is within me40 8,friday1 ,february #bb4 ,i preached this morning on ,song of ,solomon ii4 #h4 but was both dark and weak1 having scarcely any power to explain any thing4 ,o what a grief it is for one to preach1 when he is left to himself1 when the ,lord is not his present strength and teacher6 ,to preach consolation to others1 and feel none himself6 ,this exposes one to great temptation40 8,saturday #bc4 ,my soul enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of the ,lamb1 while my heart was engaged in meditation on his dying love4 ,o1 where can we find an instance of such love1 as that of ,god to men on ,calvary6 ,when the innocent died for a guilty world1 to bring them to ,god60 8,wednesday #bg4 ,i was not alive to ,god to-day4 ,unnecessary talk brought deadness upon my soul40 8,great part of this day ,i lived as in heaven4 ,heaven was within me4 ,god was in my soul4 ,the influences of his ,spirit wrought so powerfully upon me1 that my joy was beyond expression4 ,o the length and breadth1 and height1 of the love of ,god6 ,well may it be said to pass knowledge4 ,the spiritual man may discern it1 but cannot set it forth in the manner he feels it4 ,those words of ,isaiah lxi4 #aj4 lifted up my soul1 as in a fiery chariot1 above the fabric of this world4 ,i will greatly rejoice in the ,lord1 my soul shall be joyful in my ,god1 for he hath cloathed me with the garments of salvation1 he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness1 as a bridegroom decketh himself with ointments1 and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels4 ,i could say1 that the ,lord had so done for my soul4 ,o what enemies are the children of men to their own souls8 ,they deprive themselves of happiness here1 and of eternal glory hereafter2 imagining that earthly enjoyments are above what religion can afford4 ,but alas6 it is because they know not this religion which brings such happiness to the soul40 998,o how sweet was ,jesus to my soul4 ,the rose for sweetness2 the lilly for whiteness2 the apple-tree for fruitfulness2 what are they all to thee6 ,entering into my closet1 the moment ,i bowed my knee1 the ,lord poured down a blessing into my soul4 ,o what a heaven upon earth did ,i experience for some moments6 ,tongue cannot express the goodness of ,god to my soul4 ,o where shall ,i find words to praise8 ,how am ,i lost in the ocean1 of the immensity of thy mercy6 ,lord1 ,i know not how to give thee thanks4 ,where to begin1 ,i cannot tell4 ,o my soul1 fall into silent amazement6 ,let all ,i have1 or am1 drop into nothing60 8,march1 ,friday #h4 ,this was a day of much temptation2 but ,god1 for my support and confirmation1 was pleased to give me fresh manifestations of his love40 8,reading and prayer to day1 were of little comfort to me4 ,if it were not that ,i find the abiding witness of the ,spirit in my soul1 my bondage would be very great4 ,it is the goodness of ,god which preserves me in the faith4 ,the enemies of my salvation are thrusting sore at me from day to day4 ,defend1 and keep me1 ,o my ,god1 for ,jesu's sake40 8,in prayer1 ,i saw the great difficulty of being a ,christian in reality4 ,there are many who eat their own bread1 and wear their own apparel1 and are willing to be called by the name of ,jesus1 to take away their reproach,the abomination of being called ,heathens4 ,but they love notwithstanding1 the ways of death1 and darkness1 rather than light2 and do what ,heathens would not do4 ,the ninety-first psalm was made a great blessing to me1 the ninth verse especially40 8,this morning the ,lord gave me language that ,i knew not of1 raising my soul to him1 in a wonderful manner4 ,after preaching however in the evening1 at my return to my room1 ,i felt little life in my soul1 but a ,spirit of slothfulness4 ,o what a poor creature6 ,how incapable of thinking a good thought1 or doing a truly good action6 ,sinful dust and ashes40 ,friday #bb4 ,in the morning ,i had an earnest desire to be dissolved1 and to be with ,christ4 ,i wanted to see ,jesus1 who bore and suffered so much for me40 8,the #beth1 my soul was very dull4 ,i had a desire to pray1 but could not1 through the deadness of my heart1 and wandering of my thoughts4 ,this is a thing ,i have to complain of in general2 namely1 wandering in prayer1 want of earnestness and fervour40 8,the #bith1 ,i cannot say1 that till three o'clock ,i had true communion with ,god4 ,but then1 the ,lord clearly manifested himself to me40 8#agea4 ,april #f4 ,i had not much of the presence of ,god1 nor of the comfort of the ,holy ,ghost1 yet my heart and my flesh cry out for the living ,god60 8,o what an aversion ,i had this morning to study1 and following the ,lamb6 ,if it were not for promises which the gospel affords1 ,i should be often brought into bondage3 very often is my soul cast down and my spirit disquieted within me2 so that ,i must needs utterly faint1 if it was not that ,i firmly hope ,i shall yet praise ,god for the health of his countenance4 ,i felt neither comfort nor power in preaching4 ,o what a poor creature am ,i when left to myself6 ,how dark of conception2 how slow of heart and speech6 ,it sometimes happens1 that while ,i am thus writing down my condition1 the ,lord appears to my help3 so it is now2 for ,god has been pleased to manifest himself unto me6 ,and ,o what a welcome guest6 ,at his coming my reins and my heart rejoice2 my troubles are done away2 my soul is greatly refreshed2 my faith strengthened2 my hope confirmed1 and my love encreased4 ,glory be to ,god most high60 8,god and his ways were sweet to my soul this morning4 ,great was the peace of my mind1 and the joy which arose from considering what the ,lord had done for my soul4 ,o how did ,i long to be altogether like him1 in righteousness and true holiness6 ,throughout the day1 ,i enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of the ,lamb4 ,in the evening ,i preached on #a ,corinthians i4 #cj4 ,and ,god did indeed pour of his gracious spirit into my soul4 ,truly we had a heaven upon earth6 ,o that ,i had the tongue of an angel to glorify thee for all thy benefits60 8,thursday ,may #bc4 ,i was in great trouble1 going to preaching this morning4 ,my temptations were sore1 and my trials exceeding great2 occasioned partly1 by the condition of some1 who for a time ran well1 but are turned again to the flesh-pots of ,egypt4 ,while ,i preached however1 on ,psalms xxiii4 #a4 my ,shepherd gave me to feed upon his hidden manna40 998,i found it hard work to be wholly set apart for ,god this day4 ,i preached comfort to others1 but could lay hold on little of it myself40 8,i am often like a day in spring2 the sun shining bright for a little while1 and soon withdrawing again4 ,the sun of righteousness often shines upon me1 with his bright beams2 but alas6 the light is soon clouded1 and the joy vanishes away4 ,yet still1 blessed be ,god1 my heart stands fast believing in the ,lord4 ,for ,i take it for granted1 that the want of strong light and joy1 no more argues want of faith1 than the absence of unclouded day1 argues no sun in the firmament40 8,an unusual fondness for company1 brought deadness upon my soul4 ,the vanities of the world importunately intruded upon me4 ,if ,god were not on my side1 ,i should have been long ago as ,sodom1 and like unto ,gomorrah4 ,such vanities crouded in upon me at prayer1 that even ,i forgot what ,i was saying4 ,i am a man sorely distressed with the wandering of my heart4 ,i arose from prayer and read1 and prayed again4 ,the ,lord at length met me1 and instantly released me from my sorrow1 and gave me power to wait upon him without distraction40 8,saturday ,june #ab4 ,great was the comfort which ,i had in ,god4 ,i had the full assurance of faith1 that ,god was my ,god1 and ,christ my ,saviour4 ,o the happiness of knowing this60 8,tuesday #bh4 ,i was deeply convinced of my depravity4 ,o my ,god1 ,i see the impurity of my heart in such a manner as frightens me4 ,i know that ,christ can have no communion with ,belial2 neither righteousness with unrighteousness4 ,lord break not the bruised reed1 nor quench the smoaking flax4 ,rather send down thy ,holy ,spirit1 and set me free from the power of indwelling sin4 ,consume it ,o ,god4 ,cast out the spirit of uncleanness for ,christ's sake40 8,this afternoon ,i walked in the fields1 and had a sweet meeting with my ,lord4 ,he gave me his love40 8,sunday morning4 ,i was so stupid1 that ,i could scarcely pray4 ,wandring thoughts crouded in upon me4 ,o for an heart to pray4 ,i find in general1 that under the most afflictive trials1 when ,i can in fervent prayer pour out my soul before the ,lord1 he gives me instant relief4 ,but when ,i cannot pray1 ,o then is my life burthensome to me2 ,i cannot bear myself40 8,the word this morning1 was sweet to the souls of the people4 ,they seemed to drink of the fountain of the water of life4 ,i had a glorious manifestation of the love of ,god to my soul4 ,my delight surely is in the ,lord1 and his ,son ,jesus ,christ4 ,thou art my ,god1 my love1 my joy1 my help1 my health1 and my all in all6 ,blessed be thy name1 ,amen40 8,too much given to talk2 had not the usual longing after prayer and meditation4 ,yet the ,lord helps mine infirmity40 8,i had great joy in my soul1 and longing desires to be with ,christ4 ,o that even now1 ,i could behold his lovely face1 and amiable countenance60 8,friday1 ,july #ith4 ,i had a lively sense of the ,lord's having blotted out my former transgressions2 and that he had promised to give me a clean heart4 ,i had great peace2 my soul being filled with the love of ,god40 8,saturday #aj4 ,exercised this morning by false accusations4 ,my only concern was1 lest it should hinder the work of ,god4 ,but in consideration of his over-ruling power and providence1 ,i rested patiently on his will4 ,my ,jesus was made perfect through sufferings4 ,o that ,i may be enabled to follow my master1 in the way of the cross60 ,walking in a garden this day1 ,god made it an ,eden to my soul2 pouring his love into my heart4 ,i partook of the water and the tree of life3 and the hidden manna was rained from heaven into my soul6 ,monday #ai4 ,all the day1 my soul thirsted for the living ,god4 ,i was transported1 and exceedingly rejoiced in reading some divine meditations4 ,o my ,god1 ,what shall ,i say8 ,angels cannot praise thee worthily6 ,what then shall ,i who am a worm of the earth do8 ,o that ,i had wings like a dove8 ,lovely ,jesus1 when shall ,i see thy face1 joining the rest of the redeemed1 to celebrate the wonders of thy redeeming love6 ,o that this were the moment6 ,my soul shall ere long take its flight to the mansions1 which ,i firmly believe my ,saviour is preparing for me4 ,o my ,god1 my ,saviour1 my all6 8,thursday #be4 ,i had but little light or power4 ,the ,lord humbled1 and shewed me mine own weakness2 but did not leave me to it4 ,he shewed me clearly1 that it was neither to my graces1 humblings1 desires1 doings1 or sufferings ,i must trust for happiness and salvation1 but in ,christ alone40 8,ah1 ,lord1 who is sufficient for these things6 ,o let me die1 that ,i may see thee6 ,whither is my beloved gone8 ,return ,lord1 return4 ,i am a feeble and helpless creature4 ,yet rejoice not against me1 ,o mine enemy2 for though ,i fall into temptations1 heaviness1 and trials1 ,i shall rise again4 ,o proud ,philistines1 deceitful ,delilahs1 inbred sin1 pride of heart1 anger1 and folly1 who can remove you4 ,lord ,jesus1 thou canst1 and thou alone40 8,at the sacrament1 ,o how did my soul banquet in ,jesus6 ,what divine consolation did ,i feel in ,god my ,saviour40 8,wednesday #bc4 ,tempted to laugh on my very knees1 ,o ,lord my ,god be my rock4 ,hide me in thy wounds1 and deliver me from myself4 ,o ,jesus ,i cry out of the deeps1 hear my prayer1 and let my cry come up before thee60 8,sure ,i am1 that if my salvation depended on ought but the love of ,god my ,saviour1 ,i never should see the ,lord4 ,alas ,i am all weakness1 unbelief1 disobedience1 and darkness4 ,my soul was weighed down with inbred sin4 ,but ,i no sooner began to complain1 and bewail myself before him1 than he poured his love upon me1 and gave me sweet access to him40 8#ageb4 ,january #f4 ,i could hardly account to myself1 how my thoughts had been employed this day4 ,o that they were every moment taken up in the contemplation of thy wondrous love and compassion to me1 and all the fallen race2 ,o for an humble1 lowly1 simple1 pure1 and perfect mind6 ,what shall ,i say to thee1 thou delight of my heart8 ,how much fairer art thou than the sons of men60 998,when ,i look back upon my life ,i can see nothing that does not need to be washed with the blood of ,christ4 ,my best actions are imperfect ,i have need to fly to my ,saviour1 that from him ,i might receive that robe1 which is pure and compleat4 ,my whole desire is to be devoted to thee60 8,ashamed1 to lift my eyes up to heaven4 ,i fell down before the ,lord my maker2 and ,i may well say that he waited to be gracious2 for before ,i could utter many words his love filled my heart4 ,i could then look up with confidence1 and saw my ,father ,god1 smile upon me1 and my dear ,redeemer at his right hand full of grace and truth for me4 ,o how sweetly did the ever blessed ,trinity join to bless me6 ,help me to praise thee1 ,o thou strength of ,israel40 8,god was much with me in private4 ,o what a heaven upon earth is it1 to commune with him in prayer1 holy reading1 and divine meditation4 ,jesus is a well of life4 ,how blessed is it to hold intimacy with him6 ,this is paradise indeed40 8,sunday4 ,it was a glorious sabbath to my soul40 8,part of this day was the happiest ,i ever yet saw4 ,i could freely depart to be with him whom my soul loveth4 ,truly ,i seemed to antedate the sweetness of the celestial felicity1 which the glorified spirits enjoy above6 ,my song was praises to my ,god40 8,had calm repose in ,god4 ,a day of sore temptation4 ,i was kept1 but thro' momentary watching unto prayer4 ,o what am ,i6 ,how weak1 how blind1 how poor6 ,as to strength1 a bruised reed2 for love and zeal1 as the smoaking flax4 ,but thou1 ,o ,god1 art strong1 and in thee is my hope40 8somaking0 replaced with 8smoaking0 8,ill in body1 dark in mind1 dead in affections1 and sorely troubled with temptations4 ,yet ,i was preserved from inclining to iniquity with my heart40 8,sunday4 ,my soul agonized to enter into the rest of the people of ,god4 ,i saw him by faith1 and the promises were strongly brought to my remembrance1 especially1 #8,ask what you will1 and it shall be done unto you4'0 8#agec4 ,march #g4 ,in the morning there was an open intercourse between ,god and my soul1 which for some hours remained undisturbed4 ,about noon ,i felt sore war between nature and grace2 so that ,i was brought low4 ,nature would have me manage for myself1 grace was for casting all my care upon ,god4 ,o thou author of every good gift1 send me help from thy holy place to subdue the old man4 ,take away the perverseness of my own natural will1 and make me lowly and patient as thou my ,lord art4 ,thou art the source of grace and of goodness4 ,in thee1 ,o ,lamb of ,god1 is all ,i want40 8,thursday #h4 ,poured out my soul before the ,lord1 who gave me to feel hearty contrition with earnest desires to be sanctified wholly4 ,for 8,o how wavering is my mind ,tost about with every wind8 ,o how quickly doth my heart ,from the living ,god depart40 8,son of ,god1 set me free1 and knit my soul to thyself60 8,saturday #aj4 ,the ,lord sweetly refreshed my spirit1 ,i was strongly moved to pour out my soul1 for my enemies1 and all that forget ,god4 ,there was a burning in my heart after all the life of ,god4 ,nothing appeared so desirable as holiness4 ,o ,god take the whole capacity of my soul1 and possess it by thy spirit40 8,sunday #be4 ,i have had a proof to day of the vanity and uncertainty of human friendship4 ,some who loved and greatly esteemed me when ,i left ,dublin1 about ten weeks ago1 will now1 at my return1 hardly speak to me4 ,o that ,i may seek friendship and all good in ,god alone40 998,some words ,i heard this morning pierced me to the very soul4 ,enter not into judgment with thy servant1 ,o ,lord4 ,i fly to ,jesus1 the just one1 to hide me in his wounds4 ,he is my sanctuary1 the ark1 the covenant1 and the true altar4 ,come my life1 my treasure1 and my ,god1 shine into this drooping heart4 ,have ,i not an interest in thy blood6 ,am ,i not a child of thine1 ,o ,god8 ,hast thou not said unto me1 live8 ,o that thy powerful voice would now speak to my soul1 and bless me1 ,o my ,father60 8,how little do ,i know of ,god1 or of myself8 ,o what a mystery is man8 ,how difficult to find1 and then to lose himself6 ,lord1 ,i long to be settled and fixed in thee6 ,o how does this mortal body press down the soul60 8,saturday ,april #ba4 ,strengthened in the hope of full redemption4 ,jesus forsake me not1 or ,i shall be of all men most miserable60 8,wednesday ,may #d4 ,woke with the presence of ,god4 ,jesus was amiable1 and altogether lovely to my soul4 ,my heart was carried out in praise to him for redeeming me1 and making me his own for ever1 by the washing of regeneration1 and renewing of the ,holy ,ghost40 998,i earnestly longed after inward holiness3 the image of ,god brought into my soul4 ,for then only shall ,i be truly happy1 when self-love1 self-will1 and all other roots of bitterness are rooted out of my heart1 and the pure love of ,god overflows my whole soul4 ,when ,jesus is the supreme and sole governor1 and all things within1 are subdued by his grace2 then the heart rests in peace1 and all things move in their proper time and manner4 ,the soul is retired1 tho' in the midst of hurry2 and sweet peace1 and joy flow from ,jehovah1 their source4 ,this is the victory1 the salvation1 the liberty1 the deliverance from sin1 which very few believe1 and which no one can know1 save he that receiveth it4 ,but it is the privilege of the children of ,god1 and every one who sincerely seeks and with all his might1 strives for it1 shall surely attain1 by the ,spirit of the ,lord2 for the mouth of the ,lord hath spoken it40 8,friday #ca4 ,after preaching1 gave myself to my usual study4 ,o freedom of heart1 and contempt of the world1 how great blessings are ye8 ,plentifully did the ,lord shower his love into my soul this day1 in our public meeting4 ,verily thou art the pleasure of my soul1 the hope and desire of my heart40 8,this day ,god prepared me for a sore trial1 by giving me sweet repose in his love4 ,i lived as it were in heaven4 ,my soul was ravished with his sweetness4 ,so was ,i enabled to bear with calmness and patience1 the abusive language of one who came to my room1 breathing out threatenings against me4 ,alas1 ,how many are there who are great friends in profession1 but not such in reality40 8,saturday ,august #bi4 ,in the night ,i was grievously tempted of the devil4 ,he injected such blasphemies1 and threw such fiery darts as ,i never experienced before4 ,i was sore amazed1 and cried unto the ,lord ,jesus4 ,he heard my cry1 bruised his head and delivered my soul from his rage and fury4 ,lord1 thou upholdest me1 or ,i should fall6 ,o stay with me1 till ,i arrive safe in thy kingdom60 8,sunday1 ,september #a4 ,was a day of feasting and rejoicing to my soul4 ,i had sweet converse with my ,beloved1 while ,i joyed in his salvation4 ,i proclaimed his name to thousands1 from ,jeremiah vi4 #aj4 ,and never felt more freedom to preach my ,saviour4 ,o my ,lord1 thou art precious to my soul1 and thy service is my reward60 8#aged4 ,sunday1 ,march4 ,at the ,lord's supper this morning1 my soul was dissolved with divine love4 ,i could bless ,god that ever ,i was born to so happy and glorious an end1 as to love and praise and serve my ,redeemer4 ,yes1 ,jesus1 thou art precious to my soul4 ,thy yoke is easy1 and thy commandments holy and just and good4 ,i desire to keep them with my whole heart40 8,the more ,i see of the world1 the less happiness ,i can discern in it4 ,happy are they who are well out of it4 ,let me die the death of the righteous1 and let my last end be like his40 8,i wept and rejoiced that ,god had given me a soul capable of loving him4 ,in reading and meditating in the open air1 my soul tasted of the joys in part1 which those spirits enjoy who behold his face continually40 8,my soul vehemently groaned and longed for full redemption1 while it enjoyed sweet converse with my dear ,lord ,jesus40 8,saturday #bc4 ,i had intercourse with heaven all day4 ,i thirsted for the salvation of all men1 as for my own soul4 ,i was also deeply humbled before the ,lord1 seeing myself the most vile and unworthy of all his creatures4 ,he likewise made willing to be despised and evil spoken of4 ,and ,i cannot but admire the wisdom and goodness of ,god1 in so preparing me for what soon followed4 ,one of my acquaintance1 that went with me to the house of ,god1 laid to my charge things which ,i knew not4 ,i sent for him1 but he could say nothing to my face4 ,his mouth was stopped1 and he seemed quite ashamed4 ,i felt much patience and pity towards him4 ,lord ,jesus1 give him repentance1 and take prejudice out of his heart40 8,friday1 ,may #c4 ,i had a feeling sense of the treasures of grace and glory1 which are laid up for me1 both here1 and in heaven4 ,o what a heaven did ,i experience in being able to call ,god1 my ,god1 and my ,father60 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,the extract from his diary continued4 ,,the account of his experience1 given in the preceding chapter1 begins with the first year of his conversion2 in which likewise he began to labour for the good of his neighbour4 ,and it may be observed1 that in his progress1 the experience of his heart1 had its certain progressive stages1 resembling in some degree1 that of the shining light1 or sun3 a day suppose1 whose early dawn is clear and promising1 and whose light and heat still increase ere long1 is overcast with clouds1 and disturbed with tempest3 the sun however keeps his course1 and still goes on to the perfect day4 ,such likewise is the path of the just1 and such was the experience of this servant of ,god4 ,the first display of the divine goodness to his soul in justification1 was so clear1 and his joy thereupon was so exceeding strong1 that he had then no expectation of seeing war any more4 ,and he was indeed carried on sweetly1 for some considerable time4 ,but whatever was the cause he afterwards felt otherwise2 often groaning under a body of sin and death2 complaining of struggles1 between nature and grace2 and of inconstancy and weakness in general3 with ardent pourings out of his soul to ,god1 for complete deliverance4 ,and his thirst after it was considerably augmented1 by the transient tastes1 with which it pleased ,god to favour him from time to time1 of the heaven of loving him alone1 with all the powers of his soul4 ,the feeling of his heart in reference thereto2 the methods which he pursued in order to attain it1 and the progress which by the grace of ,god he made therein1 are the subject of this chapter4 ,only for the sake of some1 who desire the fullest information concerning him1 ,i shall prefix a letter he sent me to ,bristol1 from ,london1 in answer to some enquiries which ,i made1 occasioned by the following circumstance4 ,some months before he left ,london1 the last time1 a report prevailed that he professed to be cleansed from all sin4 ,on my hearing this1 ,i wrote to know it from himself4 ,he sent me the following answer4 ,london1 ,june #ag1 #ageg4 8,my dear ,brother4 8,,what you mention concerning me1 ,i answer thus4 #ast4 ,i feel the constant witness of the ,spirit of ,god1 that ,i am forgiven2 and that ,i love ,god and my neighbour4 #b;dly4 ,i do not feel any evil tempers4 #c;dly4 ,i firmly believe that ,god will eternally save my soul4 ,but whether all sin is taken out of my heart1 and the possibility of grieving the ,spirit of ,god1 ,i do not determine2 neither do ,i think that ,i love either ,god1 or my neighbour as ,i ought1 or as ,i shall4 ,i am helpless1 but ,god is my strength4 ,i live by faith4 ,i am ashamed4 ,i have no wish1 that any one should believe ,i am saved from all sin4 ,indeed ,i ought to justify every one that believes the contrary1 supposing it was so4 ,but alas6 ,if ,christ did not pray for me1 and keep me every moment1 ,i should go to the devil4 ,galatians ii4 #ai4 is what ,i feel4 ,jesus ,christ is all in all4 8,i have written simply1 make the best use you can of it2 but say nothing of it to any one 7this ,i request47 ,o let me be forgotten3 not of ,god1 or of his children in prayer3 but as ,i desire no good to be said of me1 ,i would not have any one sin against ,god in thinking1 or speaking the evil which my heart abhors4 ,it is much to the glory of ,god1 to save a proud1 angry1 self-willed1 fearful1 and unbelieving sinner2 therefore ,i almost say1 that ,i glory in mine infirmities1 that the strength1 and grace of ,christ1 may rest upon me1 and save me from them all2 and this he will do1 as sure as he is faithful and true4 8,i am1 your affectionate brother1 ,thomas ,walsh40 ,and his request was then carefully observed4 ,but the present occasion1 will be thought reason sufficient for publishing it4 ,his struggles1 sentiments1 and attainments1 partly before1 and partly after this letter1 even to his death1 are farther represented in the following extracts4 998,london1 ,sunday1 ,june #b4 ,all this forenoon ,i was raised above myself1 and lost in ,god4 ,heaven as it were came down into my soul1 and ,i saw the glory of the world to come6 ,i beheld all the glory of this world1 as the mire in the streets4 ,but ,oh1 the views1 which ,i had of heaven1 and the foretaste of those ravishing joys1 that flow there1 so transported my soul1 that ,i could bless ,god1 that ever ,i was born40 998,tuesday #d4 ,my soul was transported this day to such a degree1 as greatly affected even my body4 ,i do not recollect1 that ,i ever before felt such a sense of the presence and glory of ,god4 ,surely if he should manifest himself a few degrees more to me1 ,i could not live in the body60 998,sunday #i4 ,i gave myself up to ,god4 ,i heartily desire to give my whole heart1 chearfully1 and without reserve to thee my love6 ,many things would alienate it from thee4 ,but ,o my ,saviour1 keep thou my every desire4 ,knit me closely to thyself1 and suffer no false fire to abide in my heart4 ,i acknowledge1 ,o my ,god1 that it is an amazing instance of thy love1 that thou hast made me a child of thine4 ,let ,i beseech thee1 thy goodness be the strongest tie to keep my heart stayed upon thee40 8,tuesday #ah4 ,i was so low in body1 that ,i could hardly speak or think4 ,oh1 how does this corruptible body press down my soul6 ,yet ,i can praise ,god for his dispensations towards me2 he afflicts me1 that ,i may be partaker of his holiness40 8,at the ,lord's table ,i was in an agony for holiness4 ,my soul1 and even my body1 were ready to faint with desire1 and longing for all the mind that was in ,christ ,jesus40 8,saturday1 ,july #bj4 ,o how my soul laboured with ,god in secret prayer6 ,i said in my heart1 if ,i am indeed a child of ,god1 ,why have ,i not greater desires to depart1 and to be with ,christ8 ,i prostrated myself before the throne of grace1 and cried to ,god to answer me as by fire3 and he soon silenced my despondences by answering in my heart1 #8,my son1 thou art mine4'0 8,wednesday1 ,september #ba4 ,god overpowered my whole frame1 so that my body fainted under the pouring out of the ,spirit of ,christ40 998,saturday1 ,september #bf4 ,my heart was quite melted with a sense of the goodness of ,god1 and of my own vileness4 ,i think ,i now begin to repent2 to have a godly sorrow for my sins4 ,of this ,i am well assured1 that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago1 are now a grief to me4 ,the ,spirit of ,god brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance4 ,i read them all1 but more especially1 whatever has been wrong in me1 since ,i was converted4 ,my spirit within me mourns1 and my heart feelingly says1 #8,oh that ,i had never sinned6 ,o that my soul and body had been always pure before thee6 ,oh that ,i had always the same light and power that ,god has given me now6' ,but altho' ,i am vile1 yet this1 blessed be ,god ,i know1 there is now no condemnation to me3 the blood of ,christ hath washed away all my sins4 ,i have the ,spirit of adoption1 and the peace of my ,god4 ,i love him1 and all his dear children2 yea1 and my enemies likewise4 ,i hunger and thirst after righteousness4 ,i rejoice in my ,god1 and delight in doing his will4 ,i know in whom ,i have believed4 ,my name is written in heaven4 ,hallelujah60 8,friday1 ,november #bb4 ,i enjoyed a fulness of ,god in my soul2 and had infinite sweetness in communion with my ,saviour4 ,lord ,i am not worthy of these manifestations3 ,but ,i see all is of free grace4 ,i receive all through ,christ the righteous4 ,he drank the bitter cup1 that ,i might drink the cup of consolation4 ,lord ,i would love thee infinitely1 if ,i were able6 ,my whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly40 8,monday ,december #b4 ,i feel ,i am a mere nothing1 and that if ,god withdraw his grace from me but for a moment1 ,i should do nothing but sin40 998,sunday #bb4 ,all the day long my ,lord was wonderfully present with me in every ordinance4 ,truly my soul longed vehemently to be1 and live like my ,saviour the holy ,jesus4 ,this indeed is the thing ,i aim at2 and ,i believe according to the sure word of promise1 ,i shall attain4 ,o what depths and heights of holiness do ,i discern attainable in this world40 998,i felt much shame before the ,lord to day1 for my unfaithfulness1 and unfruitfulness4 ,o ,god enter not into judgment with me for my sins of omission60 998,sunday ,july #d4 ,i was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of heart1 and speaking my own words1 7,isaiah lviii47 ,how many idle words do ,i speak6 ,it ill becomes a ,christian1 much more a preacher ever to laugh40 8,october #f4 ,i rose with much sorrow and concern2 and with shame and much brokenness of heart1 bowed my soul before the ,lord4 ,my heaviness endured as it were but a moment1 and the divine light shone transcendently bright upon my soul4 ,praying with a few friends1 my joy in the ,lord overcame my feeble body4 ,and it proved to be a preparation for a trial1 which came soon after4 ,i had sweet communion with ,jesus1 and three of his redeemed ones this day4 ,in the evening ,i pressed upon the people the necessity of inward life1 from ,acts v4 #bj40 8,my soul was mightily encouraged while ,i expounded1 ,john xiv4 #babc4 ,inward and constant liberty is what ,i want2 to be always recollected1 having my mind stayed upon ,god4 ,i would live like an angel below4 ,for some moments indeed1 ,i often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner3 but alas1 #8,how soon it dies away4' ,i become comparatively cold1 and can neither pray with freedom1 nor rejoice with reverence40 8,still1 nature1 the devil and grace1 are striving with me3 ,christ however has the upper-hand2 but ,i want him #8to live and reign1 the ,lord of every motion of my soul4'0 8,i prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them4 ,my brother and sister were ill1 and my mother weeping after me4 ,i found a great struggle1 and believe ,i should have stayed1 but for those scriptures1 ,he that loveth father or mother more than me1 is not worthy of me4 ,and1 ,let the dead bury their dead2 but go thou and preach the kingdom of ,god4 ,my heart felt pain and sorrow3 but ,i took up my cross1 and went immediately to ,bellygarane 7where were a colony of ,germans7 and preached that night4 ,o what is needful for a minister of ,jesus6 ,what faith1 love1 purity1 divine light1 life and strength to finish his course with joy60 ,he was then going to ,england the third1 and which was the last time4 8,meeting the penitents1 ,i could hardly speak in the last prayer1 ,i was so overpowered with the presence and majesty of ,god40 8,i rose early this morning1 after watering my pillow with my tears more than ever ,i remember to have done before40 8,throughout the various exercises of the day ,i had strong assurance1 that the ,lord would eternally save me2 especially as ,i sat at dinner1 conversing with my brethren of the things of ,god40 8,having this evening to myself without preaching 7a rare thing with him7 ,i shut myself up1 and sought the ,lord with prayers and tears4 ,shew me1 my ,lord1 thy glory1 or let me die that ,i may see thee6 ,if ,i cannot perfectly love thee1 and do thy will upon earth1 send for me and take my soul to heaven4 ,but ,lord1 ,god1 hast thou not spoken by ,moses1 ,deuteronomy xxx4 #f4 and by ,ezekiel xxxiv4 #bccb4 ,if these are thy words and promises1 ,i pray and plead1 that they may be fulfilled in me1 according to their utmost extent1 ,o come and baptize me with fire60 8,at prayer with some friends1 the ,lord applied powerfully to my heart1 #8,go and sin no more6' ,now the ,lord has answered for himself4 ,i believe it is his will1 that from this moment ,i should sin no more6 and that ,i should have such a faith1 as never to depart from ,christ in thought1 word1 or deed2 that so1 being inseparably one with him ,i should walk in the spirit1 and sing and praise him evermore6 ,angels praise my ,saviour60 8#ageg4 ,sunday4 ,all the day ,i was happy in my ,lord1 rejoicing in confidence that he would save me eternally4 ,i could pray1 and love1 and weep40 8,it was a day of great blessing1 and of great trials4 ,i came home through much snow and rain4 ,but it was all sweet with ,christ4 ,i called on the strong for strength2 and after meditation1 lay down in peace40 8,thursday4 ,i employed all the day in reading the ,hebrew and ,greek scriptures1 save some time which ,i spent in endeavouring to convince a man1 that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use of the church liturgy40 8,with a heart full of matter1 ,i preached on ,ephesians vi4 #aa4 ,i could truly say1 that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me1 than thousands of gold and silver40 8,at dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after ,god1 ,i felt such an assurance of eternal salvation1 as ,i never had before2 not with such clearness of evidence40 8,i felt great love to all mankind4 ,my soul pleaded with ,god in their behalf4 ,o ,jesus hasten thy kingdom4 ,come and put a period to sin and misery6 ,o my ,god1 suffer not a vain thought to live in me4 ,i never can rest till ,jesus has poured his humble1 pure1 and happy mind into my soul4 ,for some moments ,i did taste of the felicity of heaven2 but thro' pain and unbelief it was of short continuance40 8,friday4 ,it being the public fast4 ,i preached on ,isaiah lviii4 #c4 ,it was a day of feasting to my soul4 ,with great delight ,i rested in my ,god4 ,and it seemed to me1 that the people of ,god were not yet to suffer4 ,hereafter it will be2 but at present1 the grand controversy is with antichrist4 ,jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant40 ,for some considerable time before1 and during great part of his last sickness1 his thoughts entered deeply1 into the prophecies of ,daniel and the ,revelation4 ,he calculated the times with great exactness1 and spared no labour and pains1 to be fully informed concerning the great things which those passages teach still await the world4 ,in short he was rapt up in those future scenes1 hastening to the coming of the ,son of ,god1 in his kingdom of grace and glory4 ,his opinion was1 that great and amazing things were at the door1 and he has frequently said to a young man1 8,my brother if you live to the years of a man 7meaning three score and ten7 you shall see these things40 8,i seek perfection1 and uninterrupted communion with the blessed ,god1 ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,ghost4 ,true2 ,i am not worthy of the crumbs under thy table2 yet ,i look thro' thy rich grace1 for all the precious and eternal blessings of the new ,covenant40 8,sunday4 ,this was a glorious day indeed4 ,great and marvellous were the blessings which ,god bestowed upon me4 ,he blesses me in every duty3 all is useful2 all works together for my good4 ,i go on my way singing the hundred and thirty-eighth psalm1 ,they shall sing in the ways of the ,lord2 for great is the glory of the ,lord40 8,jesus was with me in all ,i did4 ,he gave me light1 love1 help1 joy1 peace1 and strength in all4 ,in his ,spirit ,i went to rest40 998,wherever ,i was1 and in whatsoever ,i did1 my soul delighted in ,god3 never had ,i deeper1 or more sweet manifestations of his gracious presence4 ,i could not but praise him1 and thirst for more perfect union with him6 ,surely this is the foretaste of glory6 ,o if ,christians did but rightly understand the nature1 power1 and extent of the kingdom of ,god in the soul1 ,i am persuaded they would not rest satisfied with bare pardon of sin1 and some joy and peace1 when they may have perfect and uninterrupted rest6 ,if once sin be totally destroyed1 and the ,spirit filled with the light1 and love of ,god1 it is then neither hurt nor hindred1 by any person or thing2 but steddily goes on its heavenly journey1 united to ,christ1 more and more daily4 ,it does not yet appear what we shall be1 even in this world40 998,o ,christ1 ,what hast thou done for me6 ,what shall ,i say of1 or unto thee8 ,this ,i say1 that ,i love thee6 ,o let it be with all my heart1 and soul1 and mind1 and strength4 ,at intercession1 ,i felt such a degree of the presence of ,god1 as utterly amazed me4 ,o glorious ,lord1 how shall ,i bless thee60 998,my heart continually rested in ,god1 and drank of the living waters2 yea1 my very body was supported by the joy wherewith my soul was refreshed3 so that after preaching three times to-day1 beside visiting the sick1 and well2 my strength was more than when ,i rose in the morning40 8,friday4 ,a day of fasting 7a frequent practice of his47 ,at prayer my soul was greatly humbled before ,god4 ,entire resignation1 without much joy1 was the state of my heart this day40 8,saturday1 ,march #ab1 #ageg4 ,preparing for a short journey to-day1 and laying up my books1 ,i felt some little distraction4 ,i could bless ,god however1 that ,i had not money to lay up4 ,alas1 for the rich of this world3 how are they to be pitied6 ,how hardly can they be saved8 ,jesus1 make and keep me poor in spirit2 nor suffer this world ever to defile me4 ,suffer not my soul to cleave to the dust1 but cause all my affections to flow towards thyself4 ,i would not live upon earth4 ,i desire1 pray1 and labour1 that my heart may be in heaven1 with ,christ my head40 8,sunday #ac4 ,i conversed with one to-day1 who told me1 that for fourteen years last past1 she never found any unhappiness1 but always rejoiced in the love of ,god4 ,before and after sacrament1 ,i found such desire1 as almost made my heart break4 ,my soul and flesh cried1 mourned and wept for the perfect love of ,god4 ,there is a beauty and excellence in holiness1 which has quite won my heart40 8,all day1 both in reading1 prayer1 and conversation1 ,i felt something of that promise1 ,john iv4 #ad4 ,i look for religion to possess1 and entirely change me4 ,i see and feel1 that ,christianity is something divine1 living1 generous1 powerful1 and internal4 ,it is ,god dwelling in the soul of man1 #b ,corinthians vi4 #af40 998,friday #ah4 ,i prayed1 and read till twelve4 ,my body began then to complain4 ,it does not like fasting2 but my soul did banquet on the rich delicacies of the love and promises of ,god4 ,i am in the way to heaven2 but ,i want a heavenly nature1 heaven within me4 ,my soul can be satisfied with nothing less than ,god4 ,jesus1 my dear ,jesus1 let me ever esteem thy blood1 and righteousness above the whole world6 ,through thee ,i come to ,god4 ,by thee ,i enter heaven4 ,thou art heaven40 8,my heart was penetrated with the goodness and love of ,god4 ,i see still more clearly1 that love is the fulfilling of the lawsupreme1 constant1 and perfect love of ,god1 and pure benevolent love to the whole of human kind40 ,happy soul1 when once renew'd1 ,god in thee1 and thou in ,god1 ,only feel'st within thee move ,tenderness1 compassion1 love4 ,love immense1 and unconfin'd1 ,love to all of human kind1 ,love1 which willeth all should live1 ,love1 which all to all would give1 ,love1 that over all prevails1 ,love1 that never1 never fails3 ,stand secure1 for thou shalt prove ,all th' eternity of love4 8,there is1 there can be no higher1 no better1 no sweeter divinity than this1 ,my beloved is mine1 and ,i am his6 ,o my soul rest in this6 ,be satisfied1 and safe in the protecting1 sanctifying1 and reviving love of ,immanuel1 ,god with me40 8,the #cc;d chapter of ,exodus came in my course of reading to-day4 ,and ,o what pleading and communion between ,moses and his ,god4 ,happy man6 who conversed with the glorious ,jehovah1 face to face4 ,and yet ,st4 ,john seems to express something higher and sweeter than even this1 #ast ,epistle i4 #c4 ,for certainly internal union with ,god1 and a fulness of his spirit1 are more excellent than any external manifestation can be40 ,that is with a degree of familiarity and access1 which was not allowed to any of the other patriarchs or prophets4 ,for strictly speaking1 no man hath seen ,god at any time4 8,i retired a few minutes after five1 to wait for the coming of ,jesus4 ,my soul is all desire after ,christ4 ,i am resolved to love and serve him so as ,i have never yet done4 ,come ,holy ,ghost1 and kindle the fire within my breast40 998,from a quarter after four this morning till ten1 spent in prayer1 and reading the scriptures1 and such humiliation of soul1 such a sense of my vileness ,i hardly ever felt4 ,it was genuine1 godly sorrow indeed1 with a clear sight of the odiousness of sin4 ,i believe the first time ,i ever sinned1 was brought to my remembrance4 ,my head was as waters1 and my heart as wax before the fire4 ,but all the time ,i had a clear sense of the love of ,god2 a witness that ,i was accepted in the beloved1 and all the day after1 my soul delighted itself in the ,lord40 998,i ought to esteem myself unworthy of any comfort2 my sins having justly deserved damnation4 ,the blood of ,christ is of infinite value and efficacy1 otherwise ,i should never be saved4 ,infirmities1 so called1 which once ,i passed over without much remorse1 now appear heinous1 black1 and damnable1 and if ,god did not bear witness with my spirit1 that they are all forgiven1 would sink me into misery4 ,people are seldom sufficiently sensible of the odiousness of pride1 anger1 internal concupiscence1 or an inordinate love of the creature2 together with the neglect of self-denial1 and bearing the daily cross4 ,these are overlooked2 yea1 some even plead for1 and attempt to justify them4 ,lord1 let me never be an advocate for the devil4 ,give me grace heartily to love those who tell me of my faults4 ,search out my sin1 till thou find none4 ,my whole trust is in the blood of ,jesus4 ,i have no other plea2 for this one is enough1 it will1 it doth prevail with ,god1 and bring my soul to glory40 998,in my closet the former part of this day1 it was made indeed a time of love4 ,i felt such sweetness1 and divine felicity in my soul1 and by faith beheld the glory of ,god in such a manner as words cannot describe4 ,i saw and tasted ,god in all things4 ,my ,lord ,jesus ,christ appeared wonderful to me indeed1 ,isaiah ix4 #f4 ,praise1 blessing1 honour1 glory1 and thanksgiving be ascribed to the holy and adorable ,trinity4 ,what could ,i have believed1 what understood of thee1 unless thou my ,lord hadst revealed it to me8 ,o love divine6 ,o the wisdom1 and power of ,god6 ,human tongue cannot express1 nor angel minds conceive1 how great and wonderful ye are in the saints2 by whom ,god is glorified1 and in whom ,christ is justified by the ,spirit1 7#a ,timothy iii4 #af47 ,to whom heaven is as it were let down1 and whom eternal glory momentarily awaits6 ,they now drink of the rivers of pleasure2 of the well of life3 and are warmed with the beams of the divine sun6 ,they are delighted with praises1 allured by pleasures1 cloathed with light1 and filled with ,god6 ,hallelujah6 ,amen40 ,he seems to refer to some particular communication from ,god of his ,triune ,majesty4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,the same subject continued4 ,,the continued advancement of his soul in the knowledge of ,god1 is very discernible in the preceding sketch of his experience3 although in the expression of it1 and of what follows in particular1 he seems often at a loss for words2 human language falling so far short of those things of ,god1 which can only be spiritually discerned4 ,in these collections we see a soul peculiarly remarkable for a daily1 serious1 steady1 exact and uniform course of walking inwardly with ,god1 and attending outwardly on all the precepts of the gospel4 ,he poured out1 simply his thoughts from the standing treasury of his heart1 for his own sole use2 for the more effectual promotion of his intercourse with ,god1 and for the better adjustment of all his spiritual concerns4 8#ageg4 ,i was up before five1 read and prayed till ,i went to chapel4 ,i felt much4 ,the ,lord knows what6 ,in the evening we 7the society7 met together in order to devote ourselves to ,god afresh1 by renewing our covenant with him4 ,my soul was greatly humbled before ,god1 and felt that for my backslidings he might justly have cast me off3 for although ,i have not wickedly departed from my ,god1 yet for my blots and short-comings ,i was made to blush4 ,jesus however ,i know stands my advocate1 and because he lives ,i live also40 998,i rose early1 and after prayer and sermon communicated4 ,the adorable ,saviour gave me a taste of his sweetness1 and a sight of his glory4 ,i read1 prayed1 and conversed with ,christian friends the rest of the day2 waiting for perfect love1 and exhorting others earnestly to seek after the same4 ,surely nothing is so desirable as this3 ,god in us1 and the very perfection of gospel holiness4 ,no man can be thoroughly blessed till this unmixed love of ,god purifies his heart and fills his whole soul40 8,in all ,i did all day1 ,god was my life1 my joy and my strength4 ,his love was as fire within me4 ,i never felt such a burning in my heart before4 ,o ,jesus1 what hast thou done for me60 998,i saw this day on a very triffling occasion1 the necessity of having supernatural light1 and a witness from ,god in all things1 even of the common affairs of life1 that ,i please him4 ,some things occur which seem to be in equilibrio1 so that one may reason for hours1 and not be able to turn the scale4 ,o may ,i never want light from ,god1 whereby ,i may clearly discern what ,i ought to do1 and what avoid6 ,and ,o let me have thy strength also1 or the light that is in me will be turned to darkness2 for alas1 ,i often see my way but am lame1 or drag on heavily60 8,happy the man who gives up all for ,christ4 ,who having discovered1 that the favour and enjoyment of ,god is the pearl of great price1 sells all earthly loves1 and longs that he may buy1freely receive the unspeakable gift of ,god40 998,soon after ten1 ,i lay down but could not sleep1 through a deep and comfortable sense of the love of ,christ4 ,his ,spirit rested upon me and made my heart flame with love to my ,god1 and my all4 ,it never entered into my heart to conceive the loving him with all the heart1 till he revealed it to me by his ,spirit40 8,throughout the whole of my progress1 ,i feel that ,satan is my enemy1 but ,jesus is my friend4 ,i fear not then3 my ,lord will save me from every evil work1 and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom40 8,the fire of divine love burned incessantly in my soul4 ,yet ,i perceive ,i must still wear some of the marks of my captivity1 namely sickness1 infirmity and death4 ,my soul would fain fly up to ,god1 but ,i am yet detained4 ,i conversed with some eminent ,christians1 and ,jesus fulfilled his word1 being with us of a truth40 8,this day was as yesterday1 and much more abundantly4 ,indeed ,i can declare how greatly the ,lord abased my soul1 and broke me as it were in pieces4 ,i could not perceive1 that any sin had place in me2 but ,i wait for a stronger evidence that ,i am made pure in heart4 ,o ,god1 shew me what by grace ,i am4 ,shew me if there be pride1 anger or unbelief in my heart4 ,jesus1 ,son of the living ,god1 send down the ,holy ,ghost from the ,father1 to bear me witness1 and to shine upon thine own work4 ,humble and prove1 but strengthen and comfort me too4 ,i am thine4 ,there is not one doubt in my heart thou wilt save me for ever4 ,i sing praises6 ,te ,deum is sweet to me2 so is the ,magnificate1 and the ,nunc ,dimittis4 ,o what has ,god wrought for me6 ,jesus thou art my strength and righteousness6 ,i am safe in thee1 thou art my rock6 ,salvation is unto me for walls and bulwarks40 8,having preached on1 obtained promises1 and having met the society1 ,i retired about ten3 it was a festal day to my soul4 ,i do feel from experience and scripture1 that ,god has indeed changed my heart1 and destroyed the works of the devil4 ,my heart cried for humility and love2 the whole mind of ,christ40 8,the love of ,god still increased more abundantly than ever2 the fire burned vehemently within me4 ,i saw more clearly1 that ,god had confirmed me in his favour2 and that all was quietness and assurance for ever4 ,i am astonished at the gift of ,god1 and am willing if it pleaseth him to be hated of all nations for his name-sake4 ,i will sing of mercy and judgment40 8,this day ,i was sorely tempted4 ,lord ,jesus1 thou knowest what my temptations are4 ,i would rather die than deny thee by sinning against thee4 ,thou seest my simple heart4 ,o guard and cover my head4 ,my enemies are many1 subtle1 and powerful1 and malicious2 but thou art greater than them all4 ,o ,god1 thou art my friend1 and strong helper1 ,i will trust1 and not be afraid40 8,i sensibly felt the ,lord impressing his image on my soul4 ,o perfect love6 ',tis all in all in religion4 ,i want it above every thing1 even this fulness of ,god in ,christ40 8,the ,lord gives me to drink of his love as out of a river4 ,all things work together for my good4 ,may every one that is godly1 praise him for this1 and trust in his name for ever60 8,i took to my bed through violence of pain in my head1 and other symptoms of a fever4 ,i resigned myself to ,god1 and was unmoved4 ,i wept with gratitude to my good ,god4 ,my fever soon abated1 and in the night ,i got rest4 ,so graciously does he deal with me60 998,at the ,lord's table1 ,i had not only a clear witness that all was forgiven me2 but likewise strong assurance1 that ,god had purified my heart by faith4 ,my soul was deeply affected with his love4 ,the blessed ,jesus is present with1 and precious to me4 ,o let my soul adore the ,lord1 and tell of his works with gladness4 ,let this be written for the generations to come40 998,i wept with a sense of the goodness of ,god to me1 and found all my dependance is on ,christ4 ,christ alone6 ,he makes me to rejoice in his salvation4 ,his blood1 and not my holiness1 or usefulness is the only cause of my acceptance1 and final justification4 ,o who can bear praise1 and rejoice in contempt8 ,only he that is fully crucified with ,christ4 ,this is my aim1 to burn and flame with pure love to ,god4 ,nothing less than the full enjoyment of him shall ever satisfy me4 ,thy presence makes my heaven4 ,o praise the ,lord ye servants of the ,lord1 all ye that do his pleasure6 ,why am ,i not lost in astonishment and love6 ,o the goodness and condescension of the blessed ,jesus60 8,i was this day extremely ill in body2 there was a burning all over my flesh4 ,but ,god was the rest and life of my soul2 who1 notwithstanding my sickness1 enabled me to continue in prayer and reading his word2 yea1 there was a burning of love in my heart4 ,o may ,i sink into this boundless sea1 and lose myself in ,god60 8,this afternoon1 taking a view of my whole life1 from my infancy1 the manner of bringing me up1 c4 ,i could not but admire and adore with weeping1 the goodness of ,god for his dealings with me4 ,i was an ignorant poor sinner2 having no knowledge of ,god1 and little of this world4 ,but the ,lord looked upon me1 and said unto me live6 ,my soul doth praise and magnify his name for ever6 ,o for an enlarged heart6 ,jesus thou art my strength40 998,i believe great things are at hand for me4 ,this was one of my best days1 nothing will satisfy me till ,john xiv4 #bc4 is more fully than ever fulfilled in me3 ,and my ,father will love him1 and we will come unto him1 and make our abode with him4 ,jesus saith ,i come quickly4 ,lord ,jesus come6 ,my soul burns with desire4 ,i pant for the living ,god4 ,o strengthen me to do always the things that please ,thee6 ,i believe thou wilt fully and finally save me40 8,o what a mystery is the love of ,christ6 ,how sweet a banquet6 ,how delicious a wine6 ,lord thou hast ravished me with thy love6 ,death is now sweet to me2 and eternity affords me a most blessed and glorious hope4 ,o what has ,god done for me6 ,holy ,lord1 accept of my heartiest praise1 and the most perfect love that ,i at present can give40 998,both my body and soul were affected1 with the great power of ,god resting upon me this ,day4 ,my whole nature bowed before the present deity2 and his high praises were in my mouth4 ,he said unto my soul1 #8,thou art made whole4' ,i replied1 #8,lord1 ,i believe4'0 8,in the midst of a variety of critical circumstances1 my conscience was kept pure4 ,he that walketh uprightly1 walketh surely4 ,and ,what can harm you if ye be followers of that which is good80 998,my soul longs for fuller union with ,god2 for more of the root and fruit of holiness1 faith1 and love4 ,o let me lean on thy breast1 and kiss thy feet4 ,keep me1 my ,lord1 in thy bosom40 8,all day my cup ran over4 ,i came to my room both wet and weary and lay down happy4 ,my spirit still magnifies the ,lord4 ,i rest in him4 ,he giveth his beloved rest40 998,to rejoice evermore1 is my portion under the sun4 ,my heart dissolves with the goodness of ,god4 ,truly thou art unto me a place of broad rivers1 ,isaiah xxxiii4 ,blessed be the ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,ghost6 ,a stranger intermeddleth not with the happiness which ,i feel6 ,the half cannot be told4 ,o1 it is heaven upon earth6 ,after several exercises of faith1 love and prayer1 ,i lay down in peace4 ,my heart is full2 and yet #8,a point my good1 a drop my store1 #8,eager ,i ask1 and pant for more4' 8,o how sweet is it to retire from the world2 yea1 even from converse with the holiest ,christians1 to wait upon ,god alone2 and to get closer acquaintance with the blessed ,jesus4 ,happy the man that can go to ,god at any time1 praying to him with faith and fervency4 ,my ,god1 all my soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love4 ,manifest thyself more fully within me60 8,lord1 ,i know not that there is any one living1 that has greater cause to love1 and serve thee in truth1 than myself2 for thy ways of love towards me1 have been1 and still are very wonderful4 ,o how many sins hast thou forgiven me8 ,how many snares of the devil hast thou broken1 and delivered me from8 ,how many pains and afflictions hast thou supported me under8 ,how many fears and sorrows hast thou from time to time1 banished from my heart8 ,thou hast given me also of thy gifts2 and with reverence ,i speak it1 thou hast given me thy grace4 ,thou hast sent me to preach thy word1 and given me favour in the eyes of the people2 neither have ,i spent my strength in vain4 ,i believe ,lord thou hast given me thyself1 and that thou wilt give me in1 and with thee1 both grace and glory60 998,i retired to fast2 and poured out my heart for my own soul1 for the church of ,god1 and for mankind in general2 that ,god would reform the whole world4 ,days of fasting become sweet to me4 ,i find more and more delight in them4 ,but by grace ,i am saved4 ,jesus is my righteousness4 ,thro' faith in his blood1 ,i offer myself1 and all ,i do to him4 ,the favour of ,god ,i obtained by his death2 the image of ,god is stamped upon my heart by his ,spirit2 and thro' his intercession1 ,i obtain everlasting life4 ,and yet will he reward every man according to his works40 8,i was this day sensibly convinced of the danger of following impulses of any kind1 unless supported by the express authority of scripture4 ,nature and ,satan1 suggest a variety of things1 which having a shew of truth and goodness1 often lead persons into extravagance and error4 ,it seems however a sure rule1 that whatsoever promotes or increases purity and meekness1 love towards ,god1 and our neighbour1 must be from heaven4 ,and whatsoever does not tend to this1 ought to be rejected4 ,but ,o what need is there here1 of spiritual discernment1 to distinguish between the real graces of the ,holy ,ghost1 and the counterfeit appearances of the devil1 and self-love6 ,god of truth1 and of love1 lead and establish my soul in the paths of justice1 mercy1 truth1 and humility4 ,make me of a quick understanding in thy fear2 nor leave me a moment to my own wisdom1 or strength4 ,my help cometh from the ,lord1 who made heaven and earth4 ,praise the ,lord ,o my soul60 8,i adore thee1 ,o my ,god1 that thou hast made it lawful for me to pray to thee4 ,oh1 how great is thy condescension to regard such a poor creature as me6 ,i will extol thy goodness1 ,o ,lord1 my king40 8,all day long my heart burned with the love of ,god4 ,my desires were unutterable2 but he who knows the mind of the ,spirit1 will grant me all my petitions40 8,i had close trials3 but the consolations of ,god were so many1 and so strong1 that ,i was borne above them4 ,my body and soul were exceedingly strengthened by the divine grace4 ,the baptism of fire ,i experience more than ever4 ,but still ,i am a poor creature40 8,o how soon will this dream of life be ended6 ,lord1 ,i long to see thee as thou art4 ,give me patience1 gracious ,lord40 998,for about two hours in my room1 ,i found such communion with ,god1 as my pen cannot write3 no1 it is beyond the power of words to describe the happiness which ,i felt4 ,alas6 that men should be so ungrateful to ,god1 and such enemies to their own soul1 as not to seek happiness in ,jesus4 ,o the delight of a soul fully united to ,god60 8,at his table1 the ,lord met me this day1 in a wonderful manner4 ,my whole frame was so affected and overpowered1 that ,i was ready to resign my soul into his hands40 8,i was still more deeply sensible of ,god's presence4 ,my desire was so strong1 that it even pained my breast exceedingly4 ,indeed ,i cannot tell what ,i then felt4 ,it was the work of ,god2 but he knows in what manner1 and degree4 ,the fire spread2 the light shined2 and the power wrought3 in short1 ,god within me lived6 ,sing a new song1 ,o my soul2 sing with a mighty voice4 ,proclaim to angels and men1 the goodness of the ,lord4 ,jesus help me to praise thee yet more and more60 8,i met with several trials to-day1 but it was given me to bear them chearfully1 and to praise the ,lord1 who has given me integrity of heart1 and simplicity of intention1 in all my ways4 ,lord ,i love thee4 ,i will praise thy name yet more1 even for ever and ever60 8,o how plain is it1 that ,god reveals to babes1 those gracious things which are hid from the wise and prudent2 so doth he magnify his mercy1 and stain the pride of human glory4 ,in my closet ,i wept much1 that ,i may be more filled with ,god than ever40 8,i thirsted and prayed this day to be with him4 ,my whole soul was in a flame for ,god4 ,o for more faith1 to see him continually60 8,lord1 ,i am sorely tempted1 but thou comfortest me4 ,i am happy in thy love4 ,still open thy kingdom more fully and powerfully within me40 8,in all things ,i come short2 but ,i have the testimony of a good conscience40 998,i stand as in the presence of ,god4 ,the awe of ,god ,i feel rests upon my soul4 ,o how dreadful1 and yet how joyful is this place6 ,lord ,jesu1 thou art ,immanuel1 ,god with me60 8,i mourned for the sins of the people1 and found a willingness even to lay down my life1 if that would save them from hell4 ,many wept1 and trembled4 ,o the depths of love in ,god60 8,i felt this day an ardent desire to suffer for his name-sake1 tho' ,i am conscious of my own weakness40 8,being much disturbed by dreams1 ,i rose early1 and called upon ,god4 ,i continued reading1 praying1 and weeping1 till seven in the evening4 ,i was mollified1 and deeply humbled4 ,my soul adored ,immanuel1 and desired to die1 rather than offend him4 ,o ,holy ,ghost1 abide with1 and in me for ever6 ,a short sentence which occurred this day in reading1 and which ,i made the subject of discourse1 deeply affected me2 namely4 #8 ' 8,o ,god1 thou art my ,god4 ,blessed be thy ,majesty1 and exalted be thy name4 ,let the earth and heavens praise and proclaim thy greatness and glory4 ,jesus1 ,i love and adore thee6 ,my soul's delight is in thee60 8,i was told of some who talked evil of me4 ,i prayed for myself1 and for them1 and truly the love of ,god was as a mighty fire in my soul4 ,o what a heaven is this60 8,altho' love and joy lived and flowed in me1 yet ,i wept and made supplication1 being strongly tempted by the devil4 ,ah ,lord4 ,thou knowest my state and trials4 ,my desire is before thee1 and my groanings are not hid from thee4 ,hast not thou made me pure1 and sealed me thine for ever6 ,shine on thy work1 and bear thy witness with my heart4 ,suffer not thy servant to be of a doubtful mind40 8,i see1 that ,i ought to be much in prayer for the ,holy ,ghost4 ,i plainly perceive that to be taught by him for one hour1 is more profitable to the soul than many days reading40 8,i spent several hours in private1 begging of ,god to enable me to fulfil the law of love4 ,i feel so as ,i cannot write1 the extent of ,christian obedience4 ,how deep1 how wide60 8,deliver me ,o ,lord from the strife of tongues1 and from the ungodly1 who are a sword of thine4 ,i found in retirement this day sore struggles1 and deep consolation40 998,o how great is the profit of simple prayer1 and diligent reading of the holy scriptures8 ,they are ,i find1 of singular service to me4 ,my soul is calmed1 sweetened1 melted1 invigorated1 and sensibly strengthened in the exercise of these holy duties4 ,i weep and pray1 and give thanks3 yet still1 ,i want deeper repentance1 and much more humility4 ,i would be penetrated with the sense of my own helplessness2 and ,i do not find power equal to my will4 ,i live however by faith1 and find ,god unspeakably1 and continually present40 8,my soul was solidly happy1 and longing for humility this day4 ,i desire to be simple1 and filled more abundantly with love to ,god and my neighbour40 8,i never felt such gratitude to ,god1 as ,i did this day1 for bringing me from the idolatry of the ,romish church4 ,my heart was grieved in reading some of their horrid doctrines about saints1 and images4 ,o ,god1 thou hast done this for me2 and thou hast done many thousand things beside for me2 and now ,i beseech thee do this for me1 give me an humble1 thankful and penitent heart40 ,he was about this time1 employed partly in reading ,bishop ,usher's famous disputation with the ,jesuits in ,ireland4 ,and of this book he says1 #8,i cannot think that a papist who has learning and the fear of ,god1 can1 after reading it1 remain in the errors of ,popery4' 8,this was a feast1 and a fast day to my soul4 ,all the ordinances of ,god are exceeding precious and profitable to me40 8,i was all day deeply engaged with ,god3 wept much1 and prayed earnestly1 yet ,i had not much joy4 ,i had a full and firm confidence that he would fulfil his word of promise to my soul4 ,my weakness can do nothing without thy power4 ,i lay hold on thy strength1 and offer myself to thy holy will4 ,o let me glorify thee1 as well by suffering as by doing40 8,this morning ,i met with a woman where ,i breakfasted1 who was exceeding happy in ,god4 ,a few weeks ago ,i met her in the same place1 but she was then utterly dead and careless4 ,i then spoke plainly to her1 and at parting1 after prayer1 said #8,i pray ,god you may never rest till you rest in ,christ4' ,the words were applied to her heart1 and her burden increased every day1 so that she was brought almost to black despair1 when ,god revealed his love in her heart4 ,she could now scarce tell it thro' weeping4 ,o what a ,god is the ,god of the ,christians60 8,january #ageh1 ,sunday #a4 ,we met at four1 and after prayer ,i preached on ,psalms xc4 #ab4 ,we had the good ,mr4 at the chapel1 whose humility and fervour1 more than compensated for the irregularity of his sermon4 ,i have had much more happiness on other days1 than on this sabbath1 tho' not more sincerity and resignation4 ,i feel my weakness and confess my ignorance1 and implore the wisdom and power of ,god40 8,after being some hours in my room1 the fire from heaven went through me1 and ,i could praise the ,lord continually1 for his goodness to me4 ,i find such an impression of his power and love1 as cannot be expressed in words40 998,this whole sabbath was both a delight and honourable to me4 ,such revelations of ,god's goodness2 such manifestations of his ,spirit1 and such operations of his love1 ,i never felt4 ,my very outward man was affected and refreshed4 ,it cannot be declared what ,i then felt4 ,oh there is much in these words1 ,ye shall be baptised with the ,holy ,ghost and with fire4 ,whatsoever ,i did1 the ,lord made it to prosper4 ,o holy ,father1 let all the hosts of heaven praise and adore thy name60 8,god is love4 ,this is the foundation of all my hopes4 ,i feel much shame1 because of my infirmities2 but ,i have also sweet consolations40 8,i was seized with a violent pain in my stomach1 and was exceeding ill2 however by the mercy and power of ,god1 ,i went through the duties of the day with delight1 and could thank ,god for pain1 so as ,i never could before40 8,as ,i read my ,greek testament this morning1 my soul magnified the ,lord for the description1 and progress of his work1 contained in the acts of the apostles4 ,and while ,i am now writing1 my soul is so cheared with the fire of love1 as ,i cannot describe1 unless to such as experience the same40 8,lord1 ,i have not publickly preached for thee this day1 but ,i have had many blessings from thee1 and mine heart has been in thy work4 ,i beseech thee bless the labours of thy more faithful servants1 whom ,i have heard40 998,i have great cause to praise ,god1 that ,i am free from worldly care4 ,surely ,i was appointed to this work in which ,i am engaged4 ,o that ,i may obtain mercy of the ,lord1 to be found faithful6 ,o ,jesus1 plead thou my cause in the heavens1 and fill me with thy grace here upon earth4 ,all my hope of heaven stands in thee6 ,o shew me1 if there be ought in me which thou abhorrest8 ,and let me hear thee say1 #8,thou art all fair1 my love1 there is no spot in thee4'0 8,o that ,i could love and obey1 as fast as ,i learn4 ,truth appears to me every day with new lustre3 new springs are opened1 and the best wine kept until last40 8,sunday #ai4 ,after asking help from ,god1 ,i preached my farewel sermon 7farewel indeed2 ,it was the last he preached in ,london1 and the last day of his being there7 at the ,foundery1 from ,acts xx4 #cb4 ,and now1 brethren ,i commend you to ,god1 and to the word of his grace1 which is able to build you up1 and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified4 ,and in the evening1 ,i bid them farewel at the chapel in ,west-street1 from ,colossians ii4 #f4 ,as ye have therefore received ,christ ,jesus the ,lord1 so walk ye in him4 ,in all the duties of the day1 public and private1 ,god was exceeding gracious to me4 ,i believe ,i never felt such strength of love4 ,i was in truth sick of love4 ,i could not sufficiently praise him4 ,all words come far short of what ,i felt4 ,lord1 thou hast given me much favour in the eyes of this people4 ,they shew it by words and deeds2 yea prayers and tears6 ,reward them a thousand fold4 ,bring me safe to ,bristol1 that there ,i may shew forth the praises of the ,lord1 and declare thy righteousness1 and thy salvation4 ,amen1 ,lord ,jesus40 8,monday #bj4 ,after prayer with our family1 ,i set out in the machine4 ,i read my ,hebrew psalter1 and the ,christian pattern4 ,i found great tranquility of mind1 and my spirit was refreshed with the goodness of ,god4 ,i conversed with three gentlemen1 my companions in the coach1 on divine subjects4 ,i prayed earnestly to ,god before ,i set out1 that my fellow travellers might not swear or curse1 and the ,lord heard me2 for so it was2 they rather approved of scripture subjects and studies4 ,o the joy of a good conscience6 ,and the rest which the soul finds in the love of ,god4 ,the ,lord supplies the absence of friends1 and all things that are dear to us4 ,his presence makes our paradise4 ,it is not where but what we are1 which is the great matter40 8,thursday #bc4 ,at ,bristol1 ,i met ,mr4 ,w4 ,t4 under whose preaching 7as has been related7 ,god gave me the clear witness of his forgiving love4 ,our meeting was for the better4 ,as iron sharpneth iron1 so doth the countenance of a man his friend4 ,we remembered the years of the right hand of the most high2 and how the ,lord filled our mouths with laughter1 when he brought back our captivity4 ,lord bless this man1 and make him faithful in all things6 ,and now that ,i am come to this city to preach the gospel of the kingdom1 and spend my life and strength in thy service2 assist me ,o ,lord1 and make thy goodness known to me4 ,give me wisdom and strength1 ,o help me ,lord ,jesus1 to glorify thy name4 ,amen40 8,i read through to day1 the epistle of ,st4 ,james4 ,and ,i do not wonder that the proud1 the sensual1 and the lovers of the world1 yea all the ungodly of the earth1 should find fault with it4 ,in prayer with the family1 the spirit was poured out from on high upon us1 and great grace rested upon us all40 8,after prayer this morning1 ,i began and read through1 in ,greek and ,latin the #b;d4 ,epistle to ,timothy1 and found much instruction1 and reproof for my soul4 ,o what a man ought a minister to be6 ,how holy1 and how wise6 ,what courage1 zeal1 patience and temperance1 are necessary for him in an especial manner in order to give account of himself and others to ,god with joy40 8,preaching on #a ,john iv4 #ah4 ,my mind was more clearly enlightened than ever1 to see that perfect love is ,christian perfection4 ,by simple1 but powerful faith1 ,i desire to attain it2 and to live and grow in this love1 till my spirit returns to ,god40 ,with such desires1 and in such meditations as these did he spend his days and nights1 longing and sighing for the sight of ,god continually2 and in his prayers1 the violence of his affections1 did not a little increase the weakness of his body4 ,the ,end of the ,eleventh ,,volume4