,,transcrib]',s ,,notes3 ,9 ! pla9 text v]sion text 9 italics is enclos$ by und]scores 7italics74 ,a numb] ( words 9 ?is book h bo? hyph5at$ & non-hyph5at$ v>iants4 ,= ! words ) bo? v>iants pres5t ! "o m us$ has be5 kept4 ,obvi\s punctuation & o!r pr9t+ errors h be5 correct$4 ,! modifi$ book cov] by ! transcrib] = ?is e,book is grant$ to ! public doma94 99 99 99 99 99 ,,messiah ,,! ,,novels ,,( ,,gore ,,vidal ,,williwaw #aidf ,,9 ,a ,,yell[ ,,wood #aidg ,,! ,,city ,,& ,,! ,,pill> #aidh ,,! ,,season ,,( ,,com=t #aidi ,a ,,se>* ,,= ,,! ,,k+ #aiej ,,d>k ,,gre51 ,,bright ,,r$ #aiej ,,! ,,judgm5t ,,( ,,p>is #aieb ,,messiah #aied4 ,,messiah ,,by ,,gore ,,vidal ,e4 ,p4 ,,dutton ,,co41 ,,inc4 ,,new ,,york #aied ,copyright1 #aied1 by ,e4 ,p4 ,dutton ,co41 ,inc4 ,all rights res]v$4 ,pr9t$ 9 ! ,u4,s4,a4 ,,fir/ ,,edition ,no "p ( ?is book may be reproduc$ 9 any =m )\t p]mission 9 writ+ f ! publi%]1 except by a review] :o wi%es to quote brief passages 9 connection ) a review writt5 = inclusion 9 magaz9e or newspap] or radio broadca/4 ,libr>y ( ,congress ,catalog ,c>d ,numb]3 #ed-ejec ,= ,,t5nessee ,,williams ,i sometimes ?9k ! day w come :5 all ! mod]n nations w adore a sort ( ,am]ican god1 a god :o w h be5 a man t liv$ on e>? & ab\t :om mu* w h be5 writt5 9 ! popul> press2 & images ( ?is god w be set up 9 ! *ur*es1 n z ! imag9ation ( ea* pa9t] may fancy him1 n float+ on a ,v]onica k]*ief1 b e/abli%$1 fix$ once & = all by photography4 ,yes1 ,i =esee a photograph$ god1 we>+ spectacles4 ,on t day civilization w h rea*$ its peak & !re w be /eam-propell$ gondolas 9 ,v5ice4 ,novemb]1 #ahfa3 ,! ,gonc\rt ,j\rnals ,,messiah #a ,i envy ^? *ronicl]s :o ass]t ) reckless b s9c]e ab&on3 8,i 0 !re4 ,i saw x happ54 ,x happ5$ ?us40 ,n[ ,i too1 9 e s5se1 0 !re1 yet ,i _c tru/ myself to id5tify ) any accuracy ! v>i\s ev5ts ( my own life1 no matt] h[ vividly !y may seem to survive 9 recollection 444 if only because we are all1 ,i ?9k1 betray$ by ^? eyes ( memory :i* are z mutable & p>ticul> z ! ones ) :i* we reg>d ! mat]ial _w1 ! vision alt]+1 z x s (t5 does1 f ne> 9 y\? to f> 9 age4 ,& t ,i am by a devi\s & unexpect$ r\te arriv$ at a great old age is to me a s\rce ( "s complac5cy1 ev5 on ^? bleak occasions :5 ,i f9d myself att5d+ inadv]t5tly ! body's dissolution1 a process z imp]ceptible yet sure z "o ( ^? fa9t1 p]si/5t w9ds :i* %ift ! dunes ( s& 9 t des]t ( dry ,libya :i* burns1 :ite & desolate1 beyond ! m\nta9s ,i see f ! w9d[ ( my room1 a w9d[ fac+1 aptly en\gh1 ! we/ :]e all ! k+s lie buri$ 9 _! pride4 ,i am also consci\s t ,i lack ! passion = ! bus9ess ( famili> life :i* is ! c5tral preoccupation ( our race :ile1 worse /ill1 ,i h nev] acquir$ ! habit ( judg+ ! usual de$s ( m5 444 two inconv5i5t *>act]i/ics :i* r5d] me unc]ta9 :5ev] ,i attempt to recall ! pa/1 conf\nd+ me sadly ) ! k t my recollections are1 aft] all1 t5tative & private & only true 9 "p4 ,!n1 f9ally1 ,i h nev] f\nd x easy to tell ! tru?1 a temp]am5tal infirmity due n s mu* to any wi% or compulsion to di/ort reality t ,i might be reckon$ virtu\s b1 r1 to a conception ( ! inconsequ5ce ( human activity :i* is ev] 9 conflict ) a pr(\nd love ( ^? ess5tial p[]s :i* result 9 human action1 a p>adox c]ta9ly1 a dual vision :i* re/ra9s me f easy judgm5ts4 ,i am tempt$ to affirm t hi/oric tru? is q impossible1 al?\gh ,i am will+ to accept ! philosophic notion t x may exi/ ab/ractly1 p]fect & remote 9 ! imag9ation4 ,a w9dy attic fill$ ) lovely objects has always be5 my p]sonal image ( ^? absolutes ,ari/otle conceiv$ ) su* melliflu\s optimism 444 & ,i h always lik$ ! conceits ( philosophy1 ! m extravagant ! bett]4 ,i am especially devot$ to ,p>m5ides :o 0 s /r5u\sly obsess$ ) ! idea ( totality t he 0 capable1 f9ally1 ( decl>+ t no?+ ev] *ang$1 t :at has be5 mu/ /ill exi/ if x is yet rememb]$ & nam$1 a metaphysical conception :i* w1 ,i suspect1 be ( "s use to me z ,i j\rney 9 memory back to t orig9al crisis f :i* ,i h = s long travel$ & to :i*1 despite ! p]il1 ,i mu/ return4 ,i d n say1 !n1 t :at ,i rememb] is all true b ,i c decl>e t :at ,i %all recall is a relative tru? z oppos$ to t mon/r\s te/am5t ! "o-half _w believes1 entr5*+ deep !reby a mission at ^: bir? ,i (ficiat$ & "o ^: poli%$ leg5d has s9ce become ! sub/antial illusion ( a desp]ate race4 ,t bo? mission & illusion 7 false1 ,i alone c say ) c]ta9ty1 ) sorr[1 su* be+ ! unsuspect$ & t]rible resolution ( brave days4 ,only ! crisis1 :i* ,i %all record1 0 real4 ,i h said ,i am n giv5 to mak+ judgm5ts4 ,t is n precise4 ,x is true t 9 mo/ 8wick$0 acts ,i h be5 able1 ) a little ef=t1 to p]ceive ! possibilities = good ei!r 9 actual int5tion or 7& to me m important7 9 uncalculat$ result2 yet1 ultimately1 problems 9 e?ics h nev] mu* conc]n$ me3 possibly because !y h be5 ! vital int]e/ ( s _m o!rs :o1 ?r\gh cu/om1 rule society1 m agreeably ?an n4 ,on t useful moral level ,i h be5 seldom1 if ev]1 s]i\sly engag$ b once on ano!r1 m ardu\s plane ,i 0 =c$ to make a *oice1 to judge1 to act3 & act ,i did 9 su* a way t ,i am /ill />tl$ by ! implications ( my *oice1 ( my life's "o judgm5t4 ,i *ose ! light 9 pref]5ce to ! dreamless d>k1 de/roy+ my own place 9 ! _w1 & !n1 m pa9ful /ill1 ,i *ose ! light 9 pref]5ce to t twilight region ( indet]m9ate visions & ambiguities :i* mo/ suit$ my nature1 a realm :]e decision 0 impossible & :]e ! pot5tialities ( *oice 7 endless & exquisite to contemplate4 ,to des]t ^! belov$ gho/s & incalculable p[]s 0 ! great] pa91 b ,i h liv$ on1 obs]v+ ) ev]-increas+ int5sity t blaz+ disk ( fire :i* is ! symbol z well z mat]ial s\rce ( ! reality ,i h accept$ entirely1 despite ! sure dom9ion 9 et]nity ( ! d>k o!r4 ,b n[1 z my private day beg9s to fade1 z ! w9d 9 ! des]t ga!rs 9 int5sity1 smoo?+ out ! patt]ns 9 ! s&1 ,i %all attempt to evoke ! true image ( "o :o assum$ ) plausibility 9 an age ( sci5ce ! long-disc>d$ robes ( prophecy1 prevail+ at la/ ?r\gh ritual dea? & becom+1 to ^? :o see ! univ]se 9 man1 t solemn idea :i* is yet call$ by its resonant & antique "n1 god4 #b ,/>s fell to e>? 9 a blaze ( light &1 :]e !y fell1 mon/]s 7 born1 hide\s & bl9d4 ,! fir/ doz5 ye>s aft] ! second ( ! mod]n w>s 7 inde$ 8a "t ( div9ation10 z "o religi\s writ] unctu\sly describ$ !m4 ,n a day pass$ b t "s om5 or port5t 0 rem>k$ by an anxi\s race1 suspect+ w>4 ,at fir/1 ! newspap]s delight$ly report$ ^! m>vels1 gett+ ! details all wrong b communicat+ t s5se ( awfulness :i* 0 to increase z ! ye>s ( peace uneasily l5g!n$ until a fright5$ p dem&$ gov]nm5t action1 ! ultimate rec\rse 9 ^? innoc5t times4 ,yet ^! om5s1 obsessive & ubiquit\s z !y 71 w\ld n yield _! secret ord] to any kn[n sy/em4 ,= in/ance1 mu* ( ! lum9\s crock]y :i* 0 se5 9 ! sky 0 nev] entirely expla9$4 ,& explanation1 9 ! end1 0 all t ! p requir$4 ,x made no diff]5ce h[ extraord9>y ! explanation 01 if only !y c\ld "k :at 0 happ5+3 t ! %9+ globes :i* rac$ 9 =mation ov] ,si\x ,falls1 ,s\? ,dakota1 7 m]e resid5ts ( ! ,&rom$a ,galaxy1 at home 9 space1 omnipot5t & et]nal 9 design1 on a cultural visit to our planet 444 if only ?is mu* c\ld def9itely be /at$1 ! read]s ( newspap]s w\ld h felt secure1 able 9 a few weeks' "t to turn _! att5tion to o!r problems1 ! visitors f f>!r space =gott54 ,x made little diff]5ce :e!r ^! my/]i\s blobs ( light 7 halluc9ations1 int]-galactic visitors or milit>y weapons1 ! important ?+ 0 to expla9 !m4 ,to behold ! inexplicable 0 p]haps ! mo/ unpleasant exp]i5ce a human be+ ( t age c\ld "k1 & dur+ t gaudy decade _m wild ph5om5a 7 sight$ & record$4 ,9 daylight1 glitt]+ objects ( bright silv] maneuv]$ at une>?ly spe$ ov] ,wa%+ton1 ,d4 ,c41 obs]v$ by hundr$s1 "s few reliable4 ,! gov]nm5t1 ) an air ( spuri\s calm1 m5tion$ wea!r balloons1 atmosph]ic reflections1 tricks-(-eye1 h9t+1 to1 z broadly z x d>$1 t a sizable m9ority ( its citiz5s 7 probably subject to delusions & mass hy/]ia4 ,?is cynical view 0 preval5t inside ! adm9i/ration ?\gh x c\ld n ( c\rse prop\nd su* a !ory publicly s9ce its own t5ure 0 bas$1 m or less solidly1 on ! fran*ise ( ^? same hy/]ics & irresponsibles4 ,%ortly aft] ! mid-po9t ( ! c5tury1 ! wond]s increas$1 becom+ daily m biz>re4 ,! rec5t advance 9 atomic rese>* & 9 jet-propulsion _h made ! ,we/]n _w disagreeably aw>e ( o!r planets & galaxies & ! ?\ght t we w\ld soon be mak+ exp$itions into space 0 disquiet+1 if spl5did1 giv+ rise to ! n illogical ?\ght t life might be develop+ on o!r worlds some:at m brilliantly ?an "h at home &1 fur!r1 t x 0 q conceivable t we ourselves might receive visitors long be=e our own adv5tur+ _h begun 9 ! />ry blackness :i* conta9s our life1 l a speck ( phosphorus 9 a quiet sea4 ,& s9ce our p 7 7& no d\bt /ill are7 b>b>\s & dr5*$ 9 sup]/ition1 l ! dripp+ 8,sav$0 at an old-"t ,texas baptism1 x 0 g5]ally felt t ^! odd creatures ^: %9+ c>s fla%$ ?r\gh our poor heav5s at su* spe$ mu/1 ( necessity1 be ho/ile & cruel & b5t on _w dom9ion1 j l ourselves or at lea/ our geographic neighbors4 ,! evid5ce 0 horrific & pl5tiful3 ,9 ,b]l9 a fly+ object ( unfamili> design 0 se5 to l& by an old f>m] :o 0 s close to x t he c\ld make out sev]al little m5 tw9kl+ beh9d an arc ( w9d[s4 ,he fl$1 h[ev]1 be=e !y c\ld eat him4 ,%ortly aft] 8 brea?less ann\ncem5t to ! newspap]s1 he 0 absorb$ by an ,asiatic gov]nm5t ^: de/9y x 0 at t "t to regul>ize ! "p ( humanity =tunate en\gh to live )9 its curi\sly ela/ic b\nd>ies1 bo? temporal & spiritual4 ,9 ,we/ ,virg9ia1 a creature t5 feet tall1 gre5 ) a r$ face & exud+ a gha/ly odor1 0 se5 to /agg] out ( a lum9\s globe1 tempor>ily gr\nd$4 ,he 0 obs]v$ by a woman & f\r boys1 all ( unque/ionable probity2 !y fl$ be=e he c\ld eat !m4 ,lat]1 9 ! company ( %]iff & well-arm$ posse1 !y return$ to ! sc5e ( horror only to f9d bo? mon/] & conveyance gone3 b ev5 ! skeptical %]iff & 8 m5 c\ld detect1 q pla9ly1 an unfamili> odor1 %>p & sick5+ among ! clean p9es4 ,?is p>ticul> /ory 0 unique because x 0 ! fir/ to describe a visitor z be+ l>g] in/ead ( small] ?an a man1 a significant pro( ( ! gr[+ anxiety3 we c\ld h&le ev5 ! clev]e/ little creature b some?+ huge1 & gre51 ) an awful odor 444 x 0 too mu*4 ,i myself1 late "o night 9 ,july ( ! mid-c5tury1 saw q pla9ly f ! ea/]n bank ( ! ,hudson ,riv] :]e ,i liv$1 two r$ globes flick]+ 9 a cl\dless sky4 ,z ,i wat*$1 "o mov$ to a high] po9t at a =ty-five-degree angle above ! orig9al plane :i* _h conta9$ !m bo?4 ,= sev]al nights ,i wat*$ ^! ecc5tric tw9s b !n1 c>ri$ away by en?usiasm1 ,i began to confuse ,m>s & ,saturn ) my magic lights until at la/ ,i ?\ght x wise to rema9 indoors1 except = ^? brief days at summ]'s end :5 ,i wat*$1 z ,i always us$ to d1 ! lovely sudd5 silv] arcs meteors plung+ make4 ,9 lat] ye>s1 ,i le>n$ t1 concurr5tly ) ! cele/ial m>vels1 f>m communities 7 report+ an unusual numb] ( calves born two-head$1 *ick5s hat*$ ?ree-legg$1 & lambs born ) human faces2 b s9ce ! some:at vague laws ( mutation 7 m or less well und]/ood by ! f>m]s ^! curiosities did n al>m !m3 an e>li] g5]ation1 h[ev]1 w\ld h kn[n1 in/9ctively1 t s _m irregul>ities =eca/ an ill future1 full ( spite4 ,ev5tually1 all 0 satisfactorily expla9$ or1 q z good1 =gott54 ,yet ! real significance ( ^! port5ts 0 n s mu* 9 ! fact ( _! my/]i\s reality z 9 ! pr(\nd effect !y _h ^u a p :o1 despite _! emphatic mat]ialism1 7 z easily %att]$ by ! unexpect$ z _! ance/ors :o _h1 on o!r occasions1 beheld eagles circl+ ,capitol9e ,hill1 obs]v$ ! sky gr[ lead5 on ,golgo?a1 %iv]$ 9 l\d /orms :5 ! ra9 0 r$ z blood & ! w9d full ( toads1 :ile 9 our own c5tury1 att5d$ by a /atesman-,pope1 ! sun did a dance ov] ,portugal4 ,consid]+ ! unmi/akable nature ( ^! signs1 x is curi\s h[ few suspect$ ! tru?3 t a new mission _h be5 conceiv$ out ( ! race's ne$1 ! h\r ( its bir? already det]m9$ by a conjunction ( t]rible new />s4 ,x is true ( c\rse t ! e/abli%$ *ur*es duly not$ ^! spectacul> happ5+s &1 r slyly1 us$ !m to enhance t ab/ract p[] f :i* _! own my/ical b vigor\s au?ority 0 desc5d$4 ,! m secul>1 if no less my/ical1 dogmas 444 desc5d$ v>i\sly f an ill-temp]$ social philosoph] ( ! n9ete5? c5tury & an en]getic1 unreasonably confid5t m5tal !rapi/1 also a product ( t c5tury's decl9e 444 ma9ta9$1 9 ! "o case1 t fireworks _h be5 set (f by v9dictive employ]s to b$azzle ! poor work]s = undef9$ b pat5tly wick$ ends1 &1 9 ! o!r case1 t ! fi]y objects repres5t$ a k9d ( atavi/ic recessional to ! *ildi% _w ( m>vels2 a !ory :i* 0 develop$ ev5 fur!r 9 a widely quot$ pap] by an +5i\s disciple ( ! dead !rapi/4 ,accord+ to ?is wor?y1 ! univ]se 0 ! womb 9 symbol & ! blaz+ lights :i* _m p ?\ght !y saw 7 only a =m ( halluc9ation1 he>k+ back to "s pr5atal memory ( ov>ies bur/+ ) a ho/ile pot5tial life :i* w\ld1 9 "t1 become sibl+ rivals4 ,! writ] dem&$ t ! gov]nm5t place all :o _h se5 fly+ objects "u ?ree ye>s' close obs]vation to det]m9e to :at ext5t sibl+ rivalry1 or ! abs5ce ( x 7! proposition work$ equally well ei!r way7 _h affect$ !m 9 life4 ,al?\gh ?is bold syn!sis 0 univ]sally admir$ & subsequ5tly read into ! ,congressional ,record by a lady ,repres5tative :o _h h]self und]gone n9e ye>s' analysis ) /rik+ results1 ! gov]nm5t refus$ to act4 #c ,b al?\gh ne>ly e human in/itution took cognizance ( ^! signs & auguries1 none guess$ ! tru?1 & ^? few individuals :o _h begun to suspect :at might be happ5+ pref]r$ n to speak out2 if only because1 despite mu* private analysis & self-que/ion+1 x 0 n a "t 9 :i* to circulate ideas :i* might prove disagreeable to any m9ority1 no matt] h[ lunatic4 ,! body politic 0 m ?an usually upset by signs ( non-con=mity4 ,! atmosph]e 0 n unlike t ( ,brita9 dur+ ! mad h\r ( ,titus ,oates4 ,precisely :y my c\ntrym5 behav$ s frantically is a problem = ^? hi/orians us$ to ! gr&1 et]nal view ( human ev5ts4 ,i h (t5 ?\ght1 ?\gh1 t mu* ( our national irritability 0 closely relat$ to ! unexpect$ & reluctant cu/ody ( ! _w ! second w> _h press$ ^u ! confus$ gr&*ildr5 ( a pr\d1 agr>ian1 isolat$ p1 bo? indiff]5t & /range to ! ways ( o!r cultures4 ,m to ! po9t1 h[ev]1 0 ! attitude ( our intellectuals :o con/itut$ at ?is "t a small1 militantly undi/+ui%$ m9ority1 directly desc5d$ 9 _s if n 9 fact f t rhetorical eighte5?-c5tury ,swiss ^: romantic & my/ical love = humanity 0 magically a*iev$ ?r\gh a some:at obsessive preoccupation ) himself4 ,8 passion = self-analysis fl\ri%$ 9 our mid-c5tury1 at lea/ among ! articulate few :o 7 capable ( analysis & :o1 9 "t1 l _! great ance/or1 *ose ! e> ( ! _w = _! confessional4 ,m5 ( lett]s lugubri\sly describ$ _! own deviations 7usually apolitical or sexual1 seldom ae/hetic71 :ile pa9t]s work$ devot$ly at depict+ unique inn] worlds :i* 7 n accessible to o!rs except 9 a /ate ( pure/ empa?y h>dly to be a*iev$ )\t a little fak]y 9 a selfi% _w4 ,x 01 f9ally1 ! accept$ crit]ion t art's s+le function 0 ! fulle/ expression ( a private vision 444 :i* 0 true en\gh ?\gh ! visions ( m5 lack+ g5ius are n )\t a c]ta9 gloom4 ,g5ius1 9 ?is "t1 0 q z r>e z 9 any o!r &1 to its cr$it1 x 0 n a self-admir+ age 444 critics f\nd m]it only 9 criticism1 a s+ul> approa* :i* 0 to amuse ! s]i\s = sev]al decades4 ,l$ by arti/s1 ! intellectuals voic$ _! guilt at innum]able cocktail p>ties :]e x 0 accept$ z an article ( fai? t ea* _h a burd5 ( guilt :i* c\ld1 once recogniz$1 be exorcis$2 ! means ( recognition 7 exp5sive b rew>d+3 a tra9$ & sympa!tic li/5] w\ld give ! malaise a "n & reveal its g5esis2 !n1 ?r\gh confession 7& occasionally 8reliv+07 ! guilt w\ld vani% along ) a/hma1 impot5ce & eczema4 ,! process1 ( c\rse1 0 n easy4 ,to facilitate !rapy1 x became ! cu/om among ! clev]] p to set aside all ! traditional artifices ( society s t bo? fri5ds & /rang]s c\ld confess to "o ano!r _! wor/ de$s1 _! mo/ squalid fantasies 9 a s]ies ( competitive monologues conduct$ ) ardu\s s9c]ity & surpris+ly successful on e level b t ( communication4 ,i am sure t ?is sort ( ca?>sis 0 n entirely valueless3 _m ( ! self-obsess$ und\bt$ly exp]i5c$ relief :5 disp5s+ secrets 444 x 0 c]ta9ly an in/ructive %ock = !m to f9d t ev5 _! mo/ repell5t ab]rations 7 accept$ q p]functorily by /rang]s too int5t on _! own problems to be outrag$1 or ev5 v int]e/$4 ,?is discov]y 0 n always *e]+4 ,!re is a c]ta9 dignity & excitem5t 9 possess+ a dang]\s secret life4 ,to lose x 9 maturity is h>d 444 & once promiscu\sly %>$1 x does become ord9>y1 no m tr\blesome ?an obvi\s d5tures4 ,_m *]i%$ private hells 7 =ev] lo/ 9 ^? g>rul\s ye>s & ! vacuum ea* left 0 inv>iably fill$ ) a bor$om :i*1 9 its turn1 c\ld only be dispell$ by fai?4 ,z a result1 ! pursuit ( ! absolute1 9 "o guise or ano!r1 became ! ma9 preoccupation ( ^! romantici/s :o pr(ess$ ) "s pride a mi/ru/ ( ! reason1 d]iv$ q legitimately f _! own /unn+ incapacity to assimilate ! social *anges creat$ by ma*9]y1 _! p>ticul> ,lucif]4 ,!y reject$ ! idea ( ! reflective m9d1 argu+ t s9ce bo? logic & sci5ce _h fail$ to e/abli% ! fir/ cause ( ! univ]se or 7m important7 humanity's significance1 only ! emotions c\ld reveal to u ! nature ( reality1 ! key to mean+4 ,t x 0 actually no real conc]n ( ?is race :y or :5 or h[ ! univ]se came into be+ 0 an attitude nev]1 s f> z ,i c recall1 express$ by ! s]i\s-m9d$ ( ! day4 ,_! se>*+1 h[ev]1 0 n simply ! result ( curiosity2 x 0 m ?an t3 x 0 an emotional1 s5seless plung+ into ! void1 into ! unkn[able & ! irrelevant4 ,x became1 f9ally1 ! burd5 ( life1 ! blight among ! fl[]s3 ! my/]y :i* mu/ be reveal$1 ev5 at ! exp5se ( life4 ,x 0 a t]rible crisis1 made d\bly h>d s9ce ! es*ewal ( logic left only "o pa? cle> to ! he>t ( ! dilemma3 ! way ( ! my/ic1 & ev5 to ! lea/ s5sible x 0 sadly app>5t t1 lack+ a sup]ior & d$icat$ organization1 "o man's revelation is n apt to be ( mu* use to ano!r4 ,quantities ( v5]able attitudes 7 ab&on$ & mu* ( ! prec$+ c5tury's 8et]nal tru?s & v]ities0 :i* _h ca/1 rock-l1 s =midable & d5se a %ad[1 7 f\nd1 ^u exam9ation1 to be s mu* s&1 suitable = ! con/ruction ( fanta/ic edifices b n durable1 nor safe f ! sea's tide4 ,b ! issue 0 jo9$3 dubi\s art 0 fa%ion$1 au?orities 7 invok$1 dreams giv5 c\nt5ance & sy/ems con/ruct$ on ! evid5ce ( private illum9ation4 ,= a "t1 political & social action seem$ to (f] a way out1 or 94 ,=eign civil w>s1 =eign social exp]im5ts 7 s]v$ ) a f]ocity difficult to compreh5d2 b lat]1 :5 ! w>s & exp]im5ts w5t wrong1 reveal+1 aft] su* high hopes1 ! p]5nial human inability to ord] society1 a disillusion result$1 bitt]ly resolv$ 9 num]\s cases by ! assumption ( "s my/ical dogma1 pref]ably "o s qua9tly ri* ) hi/ory1 s sweep+ & unreasonable 9 its claims z to be ?or\ghly acceptable to ! sadd5$ romantici/ :o want$1 above all else1 to feel1 to "k )\t reason+4 ,s 9 ^! port5t\s times1 only ! sci5ti/s 7 cont5t z !y con/ruct$ ev] m fabul\s ma*9es ) :i* to split ! invisible k]nels ( life :ile ! anti-sci5tifics leap$ n]v\sly f "o absolute to ano!r 444 n[ ru%+ to ! old = grace1 n[ to ! new = salvation1 no two ( !m really agree+ on any?+ except ! ne$ = agreem5t1 = ! la/ k 444 & t1 f9ally1 0 ! prevail+ note ( ! age2 s9ce reason _h be5 decl>$ insuffici5t1 only a my/ic c\ld provide ! answ]1 only he c\ld m>k ! b\nd>ies ( life ) a f9al au?ority1 inscrutably reveal$4 ,x 0 s p]fectly cle>4 ,all t 0 lack+ 0 ! man4 ,,"o #a ,! g>d5 0 at its be/ t fir/ week 9 ! mon? ( ,june4 ,! peonies 7 m opul5t ?an usual & ,i walk$ sl[ly ?r\gh ! gre5 light on ! t]race above ! :ite riv]1 enjoy+ ! heavy odor ( peonies & ( new roses rambl+ 9 h$ges4 ,! ,hudson 0 calm1 no ripple reveal$ t sl[ tide :i* ev5 "h1 miles to ! nor? ( ! sea1 rises bracki%ly at ! moon's disposition4 ,across ! riv] ! ,catskills1 wat]-blue1 em]g$ %>ply f ! summ]'s gre5 z ?\gh ! e>? 9 "o vivid ?ru/ _h attempt$ sky1 fus+ ! two elem5ts into yet ano!r1 ri*] blue 444 b ! sky 0 only fram$1 n really t\*$1 & ! blue ( hills 0 d>k] ?an ! pale sky ) its protean cl\ds all %ap$ by w9d1 l ! /uff ( auguries & human dream+4 ,! sky t day 0 l an idiot's m9d1 wild ) odd cl\ds1 b lovely too1 guileless1 natural1 allusive4 ,i did n want to g 9 to lun*1 al?\gh !re 0 no *oice 9 ! matt]4 ,i _h arriv$ at "o o'clock2 ,i 0 expect$ at "o-?irty4 ,mean:ile1 avoid+ ! h\se until ! la/ possible mom5t1 ,i _h tak5 a neighbor's privilege ( /roll+ alone ab\t ! g>d52 ! h\se beh9d me 0 gray & au/]e1 granitic1 m ,engli% ?an ,hudson ,valley4 ,! gr\nds swept s(tly d[n t[>d ! riv] ne>ly a mile away4 ,a vi/a _h be5 cle>$ f ! c5tral t]race1 a little l ! "o at ,v]sailles b m ru/ic1 less royal4 ,d>k gre5 trees cov]$ ! hills to left & "r ( ! sweep ( lawn & mead[4 ,no o!r h\se c\ld be se54 ,ev5 ! railroad betwe5 ! t]race & ! wat] 0 invisible1 hidd5 by a bluff 444 only its s\nd & an occasional blur ( smoke ^u ! blue m>k$ t ma*9e's ess5tial passage4 ,i brea!d ! air ( e>ly summ] gladly1 voluptu\sly4 ,i liv$ my life 9 seasonal conc]t ) ?is riv] &1 aft] grim ,m>* & confus+ %>p ,april1 ! k t at la/ ! leaves 7 foliag$ & ! days w>m 0 q en\gh to create 9 me a mood ( euphoria1 ( m>vel\s s]5ity4 ,i contemplat$ love affairs4 ,i prep>$ to meet /rang]s4 ,! summ] & ,i w\ld celebrate our triumph soon2 b1 until ! prop] mom5t1 ,i 0 a spectator3 ! summ] love z yet unkn[n to me1 ! la/ d>k bloom+ ( peonies amid ! wreckage ( :ite lilacs /ill "s weeks away1 held 9 ! future ) my love4 ,i c\ld only anticipate2 ,i savor$ my dis5gagem5t 9 ?is g>d54 ,b !n x 0 "t to g 9 & ,i turn$ my back resolutely on ! riv] & asc5d$ ! wide /one /eps to ! brick t]race :i* front$ ! h\se on ! riv] side1 paus+ only to break ! /em ( a :ite & p9k peony1 regrett+ imm$iately :at ,i _h done3 brutally1 ,i _h wi%$ to possess ! summ]1 to fix ! in/ant1 to be> ) me into ! h\se a fragm5t ( ! day4 ,x 0 wrong2 & ,i /ood = a mom5t at ! ,fr5* door hold+ ! great peony 9 my h&1 its odor l a doz5 roses1 l all ! summ]s ,i _h ev] kn[n4 ,b x 0 impractical4 ,i c\ld n /uff x into my buttonhole = x 0 z l>ge z a baby's head :ile ,i 0 fairly c]ta9 t my ho/ess w\ld be less ?an pleas$ to receive at my h&s "o ( h] be/ peonies1 cut too %ort ev5 to place 9 wat]4 ,obscurely displeas$ ) myself & ! day1 ,i plung$ ! fl[] deep into a h$ge ( boxwood until n ev5 a glimm] ( :ite %[$ ?r\gh ! d5se d>k gre5 to betray me3 !n1 l a murd]]1 ! assault$ day "p-spoil+1 ,i w5t inside4 #b 8,y h be5 mal+]+ 9 ! g>d510 %e said1 (f]+ me h] face l a pa9t$ plate to kiss4 8,i saw y f ! w9d[40 8,saw me ravage ! fl[]s80 8,!y all d10 %e said obscurely1 & l$ me aft] h] into ! draw+ room1 an oblong full ( light f ,fr5* w9d[s op5+ ^u ! t]race4 ,i 0 surpris$ to see t %e 0 alone4 8,%e'll be along pres5tly4 ,%e's up/airs *ang+40 8,:o80 8,iris ,mortim] 444 didn't ,i tell y8 ,x's ! :ole reason40 ,cl>issa nodd$ slyly f ! *air opposite me4 ,a w>m w9d cross$ ! room & ! :ite curta9s bill[$ l sp9nak]s 9 a regatta4 ,i brea!d ! w>m odor ( fl[]s1 ( burn$ a% remnants f ! fireplace3 ! room %one ) silv] & porcela94 ,cl>issa 0 ri* despite ! w>s & crises t _h m>k$ our days1 leav+ ! usual sc>s ^u u1 l trees ^: cross-sections be> a familial resemblance ( conc5tric r+s1 recall+ 9 detail ! wea!r ( pa/ ye>s 444 at lea/ ^? few r+s we %>$ 9 common1 or ,cl>issa1 by h] own admission1 0 tw5ty-two hundr$ ye>s old ) an uncommonly good memory4 ,none ( u _h ev] que/ion$ h] too closely ab\t h] pa/4 ,!re is no reason to suspect1 h[ev]1 t %e 0 ins9c]e4 ,s9ce %e felt %e _h liv$ t great l5g? ( "t & s9ce h] recollections 7 rem>kably int]e/+ & plausible %e 0 mu* 9 dem& z a conv]sationali/ & advis]1 especially useful 9 ^? plots :i* require great %rewdness & d>+4 ,x 0 p]fectly app>5t t %e 0 involv$ 9 "s su* plot at ! mom5t4 ,i look$ at h] ?\ghtfully be=e ,i casually rose to take ! bait ( my/]y %e _h trail$ s p]functorily be=e me4 ,%e knew h] man4 ,%e knew ,i w\ld n be difficult 9 ! e>ly /ages ( any adv5ture4 8,:ole reason80 ,i repeat$4 8,i c say no m60 said ,cl>issa ) a melodramatic emphasis :i* my delib]ately casual tone did n entirely ju/ify4 8,y'll love ,iris1 ?\gh40 ,i wond]$ :e!r lov+ ,iris1 or pret5d+ to love ,iris1 0 to be ! summ]'s game4 ,b be=e ,i c\ld inquire fur!r1 ,cl>issa1 secure 9 h] my/]y1 ask$ me idly ab\t my "w &1 z idly1 ,i answ]$ h]1 ! ex*ange p]functory yet easy1 = we 7 us$ to "o ano!r4 8,i am track+ him d[n10 ,i said4 8,!re is s little to g on1 b :at !re is is q fasc9at+1 especially ,ammianus40 8,fairly reliable1 z milit>y m5 g10 said ,cl>issa1 sudd5ly em]g+ f h] polite indiff]5ce3 any ref]5ce to ! pa/ %e _h kn[n always int]e/$ h]1 only ! pres5t seem$ to bore h]1 at lea/ t ord9>y unusable pres5t :i* did n conta9 promis+ mat]ial = "o ( h] elaborate human games4 8,did y "k him80 ,i nev] accept$1 lit]ally1 ,cl>issa's unique age3 two ?\s& ye>s is an unlikely span ( life ev5 = a woman ( h] /urdy unimag9ativ5ess2 yet !re 0 no ignor+ ! fact t %e seem$ to h liv$ t long1 & t h] ref]5ces to obscure episodes1 :]e asc]ta9able1 7 ne>ly always "r &1 m conv9c+ /ill1 :]e !y diff]$ f hi/ory's records1 diff]$ on ! side ( plausibility 444 ! "w ( a memory or a m9d completely unsup]/iti\s & un5?usia/ic3 7%e 0 lit]al2 %e 01 except+ always h] c5tral fantasy1 matt]-(-fact4 ,to h] ! dea? or ,caes> 0 ! logical outcome ( a sy/em ( taxation :i* has n be5 pres]v$ = u except 9 qua9tly obscure ref]5ces2 :ile ! virtue ( ! ,roman republic & ! ambitions ( celebrat$ politicians1 %e set aside z be+ ( only m9or importance3 curr5cy & taxation 7 h] =te & %e manag$ to r$uce all ! m>tial spl5dor ( anci5t days to an economic level74 ,%e _h "o o!r obsession1 h[ev]1 & my ref]5ce to ,ammianus rem9d$ h] ( x4 8,! ,*ri/ians60 %e exclaim$ significantly2 !n %e paus$2 ,i wait$4 ,h] conv]sation at times resembl$ *apt]-head+s *os5 haphaz>dly f an assortm5t ( ,victorial novels4 8,!y hat$ him40 8,ammianus80 8,no1 y\r man ,julian4 ,x is ! ,emp]or ,julian y are writ+ ab\t40 8,read+ ab\t40 8,ah1 y w write ab\t him10 %e said ) an ab/ract$ py?oness />e :i* sugge/$ t ,i 0 indefatigable 9 my ecc5tric purpose :i*1 = "s ye>s1 _h be5 ! /udy ( hi/ory 9 a m9or key4 8,( c\rse !y hat$ him4 ,z well !y %\ld h 444 t's ! :ole po9t to my "w40 8,unreliable1 ! lot ( !m4 ,!re is no dec5t hi/ory f ! "t !y came to ,rome up until t fat little ,engli%man 444 y "k1 ! "o :o liv$ 9 ,switz]l& 444 ) r />+ eyes40 8,gibbon40 8,yes1 t "o4 ,( c\rse he got all ! facts wrong1 poor man1 b at lea/ he tri$4 ,! facts ( c\rse 7 all gone by !n4 ,!y saw to t 444 burn+ ?+s1 rewrit+ ?+s 444 n t ,i really ev] read !m 444 y "k h[ ,i am ab\t read+3 ,i pref] a my/]y novel any day4 ,b at lea/ ,gibbon got ! tone "r40 8,yet44440 8,( c\rse ,julian 0 some?+ ( a prig1 y "k4 ,he pos$ cont9ually & he wasn't 444 :at d !y call him n[8 an apo/ate4 ,he nev] r5\nc$ ,*ri/ianity40 8,he :at 4440 ,cl>issa 9 h] que] way took pleasure 9 re>rang+ all accept$ in=mation4 ,i %all nev] "k :e!r %e did x delib]ately to my/ify or :e!r h] v]sions 71 9 fact1 ! =gott5 reality4 8,he 0 a p]fectly good ,*ri/ian au fond despite 8 peculi> diet4 ,he 0 a veget>ian = "s ye>s b w\ldn't eat beans1 z ,i recall1 because he ?\ght !y conta9$ ! s\ls ( ! dead1 an old orphic notion40 8,:i* is h>dly ,*ri/ian40 8,isn't t "p ( x8 ,no8 ,well 9 any case ! fir/ proclamation ( ,p>is 0 int5d$ 4440 b ,i 0 nev] to he> ,julian's int5t = ,iris 0 9 ! doorway1 sl5d]1 dress$ 9 :ite1 h] hair d>k & drawn back 9 a classical l9e f h] calm face3 %e 0 h&some & n at all :at ,i _h expect$1 b !n ,cl>issa _h1 z usual1 n giv5 me mu* lead4 ,iris ,mortim] 0 my own age1 ,i guess$1 ab\t ?irty1 & al?\gh h>dly a beauty %e mov$ ) su* ease1 spoke ) su* s(tness1 creat$ su* an air ( s]5ity t "o gave h] p]haps m cr$it = ! possession ( beauty ?an an ,am]ican devot$ to regul> features ought1 9 all accuracy1 to h done3 ! impression 0 "o ( lightness1 ( ?is mon? ( ,june 9 fact 444 ,i l+] ov] h] description a little worri$ly1 consci\s t ,i am n really gett+ h] "r 7at lea/ z %e appe>$ to me t aft]noon7 = ! simple reason t our lives 7 to become s desp]ately involv$ 9 ! next few ye>s & my memories ( h] are n[ encru/$ ) s mu* emotion t any attempt to evoke h] z %e actually 0 :5 ,i fir/ saw h] 9 t draw+ room "s fifty ye>s ago is n unlike ! "w ( a re/or] ( pa9t+s remov+ lay]s ( glaze & grime 9 an attempt to reveal an orig9al patt]n 9 all its fre%ness some:]e b5ea? 444 except t a re/or] ( c\rse is a workman :o has presumably no prejudice &1 too1 he did n create ! orig9al image only to att5d its subsequ5t di/ortion1 z ! passionate d 9 life2 = ! ,iris ( t day 01 ,i suppose1 no less & no m ?an :at %e 0 to become2 x 0 m]ely t ,i c\ld n suspect ! biz>re c\rse our future 0 to take4 ,i _h no premonition ( our my?ic roles1 ?\gh ! temptation is almo/ ov]p[]+ to ass]t1 d>kly1 t ev5 on ! occasion ( our fir/ meet+ ,i knew4 ,! tru? is t we met2 we became fri5ds2 we lun*$ amiably & ! future ca/ n "o %ad[ across ! mahogany table ar\nd :i* we sat1 li/5+ to ,cl>issa & eat+ fre% %ad caught 9 ! riv] t morn+4 8,eug5e "h is int]e/$ 9 ,julian10 said our ho/ess1 lift+ a spr+ asp>agus to h] m\? ) h] f+]s4 8,julian :o80 8,! ,emp]or ( ,rome4 ,i =get 8 family "n b he 0 a nephew1 ,i ?9k1 ( ,con/antius1 :o 0 dre>y too ?\gh n su* a bore z ,julian4 ,iris1 try ! asp>agus4 ,we get !m f ! g>d540 ,iris tri$ an asp>agus & ,cl>issa recall$ t ! ,emp]or ,augu/us's favorite say+ 03 8,quick z boil$ asp>agus40 ,x develop$ t he _h be5 some?+ ( a bore1 too4 8,hopelessly involv$ 9 (fice "w4 ,( c\rse x's all t]ribly important1 no d\bt ( t 444 aft] all ! entire ,empire 0 bas$ on a fir/-rate fil+ sy/em2 yet1 all 9 all1 x's h>dly glamor\s40 8,:om did y pref]80 ask$ ,iris1 smil+ at me3 %e too 0 aw>e ( our ho/ess's obsession2 :e!r or n %e believ$ is a diff]5t matt]4 ,i assum$ n2 yet ! assumption ( tru? is p]haps1 = human purposes1 ! same z tru? itself1 at lea/ to ! obsess$4 8,none ( ! obvi\s ones10 said ,cl>issa1 squ9t+ ne>-sight$ly at ! w9d[ ?r\gh :i* a pair ( yell[-spangl$ birds 7 mat+ on ! w+ l ecc5tric comets aga9/ ! gre5 ( box4 8,b ( c\rse1 ,i didn't "k ev]yone1 d>l+4 ,only a few4 ,n all ( !m 7 accessible4 ,"s nev] d9$ out4 ,"s t did g out 7 impossible & !n ( c\rse ,i travel$ a good deal4 ,i lov$ ,alex&ria & w9t]$ !re = ov] two hundr$ ye>s1 miss+ a great deal ( ! unpleasantness at ,rome1 ! un/ability ( ^? tiresome g5]als 444 al?\gh ,vitellius 0 great fun1 at lea/ z a "y man4 ,i nev] saw him :5 he 0 ,emp]or t "t1 = five m9utes wasn't x8 ,di$ ( gre$4 ,su* an appetite6 ,on "o occasion z a "y man he ate an entire side ( beef at my place 9 ,baiae4 ,ah1 ,baiae1 ,i d miss x4 ,mu* nic] ?an ,ba? or ,bi>ritz & c]ta9ly m int]e/+ ?an ,newport 04 ,i _h sev]al h\ses !re ov] ! ye>s4 ,once :5 ,s5ator ,tullius ,cic]o 0 travel+ ) t poison\s daught] ( 81 !y /opp$44440 ,we li/5$ att5tively z "o always did to ,cl>issa 444 does8 ,i wond] if %e is /ill alive3 if %e is1 !n p]haps ! miracle has inde$ tak5 place & "o human be+ has f9ally avoid$ ! usual fate4 ,x is an amiable miracle to contemplate4 ,lun* end$ )\t any signs ( t revelation :i* ,cl>issa _h l$ me to expect4 ,no?+ 0 said :i* seem$ to possess ev5 a secret significance4 ,wond]+ idly :e!r or n ,cl>issa might1 aft] all1 be entirely mad1 ,i foll[$ ! two wom5 back into ! draw+ room :]e we _h our c(fee 9 a w>m mood ( satiety made only fa9tly disagreeable = me by t mild nausea :i* ,i always us$ to exp]i5ce :5 ,i drank too mu* w9e at lun*3 n[ ( c\rse ,i nev] see w9e1 only ! ,arabs' m9t tea & _! s&y bitt] c(fee :i* ,i h come to l4 ,a w>m breeze flutt]$ ! curta9s3 ! noise ( insects respond+ to ! sun's increas+ heat dron$ all ^u ! same note1 dry & insi/5t1 a bass to ! coloratura ( birds1 :ile ! sc5t ( fl[]s fill$ ! airy room & ,i detect$ lilies z well z peonies1 _! odor almo/ too sweet1 q dr[n+ ! m delicate rose1 ! pale ,hudson lilac4 ,cl>issa rem9isc$ idly4 ,%e possess$ a passion = m9or detail :i* 0 (t5 a good deal m int]e/+ ?an h] usual talks on curr5cy devaluation4 ,nei!r ,iris nor ,i spoke mu*2 x 0 z if we 7 bo? await+ "s ^w f ,cl>issa :i* w\ld ?r[ into imm$iate relief ?is lun*eon1 ?is day1 ?is meet+ ( /rang]s4 ,b ,cl>issa only gossip$ on2 at la/1 :5 ,i 0 beg9n+ to g ov] 9 my m9d ! v>i\s =mulae :i* make dep>ture easy1 our ho/ess1 z ?\gh aw>e t %e _h drawn out too long ! ov]ture1 said abruptly1 8,eug5e1 %[ ,iris ! g>d54 ,%e has nev] se5 x be=e40 ,& !n1 he>tily fir+ fragm5ts ( s5t5ces at u z ?\gh 9 explanation ( ?is move ( h]s1 %e left ! room1 indicat+ t ! re/ 0 up to u4 ,puzzl$1 we bo? w5t onto ! t]race & into ! yell[ aft]noon4 ,we walk$ sl[ly d[n ! /eps t[>ds ! rose arbors1 a long s]ies ( trellis ar*es =m+ a tunnel ( gre51 bright ) new fl[]s & end+ 9 a cem5t f\nta9 ( ugly tile ) a b5* beside x1 %ad$ by elms4 ,we got to facts4 ,by ! "t we _h burr[$ ?r\gh ! roses to ! b5*1 we _h ex*ang$ ^? basic bits ( in=mation :i* usually make ! re/ fall 7(t5 incorrectly7 into "s patt]n1 a f\ndation = ^? v>i\s ar*itectures p toge!r are pleas$ to build to celebrate fri5d%ip or enmity or love or1 on v special occasions1 9 ! case ( a gr& affair1 "o ( ^? f9e palaces ) rooms = all ?ree1 & mu* else besides4 ,iris 0 f ! ,middle ,we/1 f a ri* suburb ( ,detroit4 ,?is int]e/$ me 9 _m ways1 = !re /ill exi/$ 9 ^? days a real disaffection betwe5 ,ea/ & ,midwe/ & ,f> ,we/ :i* is h>d to conceive n[adays 9 t gray homog5eity :i* curr5tly passes = a civiliz$ nation4 ,i 0 an ,ea/]n]1 a ,new ,york] f ! valley ) ,s\!rn roots1 & ,i felt in/9ctively t ! outl&]s 7 p]haps n entirely civiliz$4 ,ne$less to say1 at ! "t1 ,i w\ld indignantly h d5i$ ?is prejudice _h someone attribut$ x to me1 = ^? 7 ! days ( tol]ance 9 :i* all prejudice _h be5 bani%$1 f conv]sation at lea/ 444 ?\gh ( c\rse to bani% prejudice is a contradiction 9 t]ms s9ce1 by def9ition1 prejudice means prejudgm5t1 & ?\gh "t & exp]i5ce usually explode = u all ! prejudgm5ts ( our fir/ ye>s1 !y exi/1 nev]!less1 z "p ( our subconsci\s1 a sabotag+1 irrational =ce1 caus+ u to commit /range crimes inde$1 made s mu* worse because !y are (t5 secret ev5 to ourselves4 ,i 01 !n1 prejudic$ aga9/ ! ,midwe/]n] 444 aga9/ ! ,cali=nians too4 ,i felt t ! =m] especially 0 curi\sly ho/ile to fre$om1 to ! int]play ( t rational ,we/]n culture :i* ,i _h s lov+ly embrac$ 9 my boyhood & gr[n up )1 always consci\s ( my citiz5%ip 9 ! _w1 ( my role z a humble b appreciative voice 9 ! long conv]sation4 ,i res5t$ ! automobile manufactur]s :o ?\ght only ( manufactur+ objects1 :o di/ru/$ ideas1 :o fe>$ ! f9e ) ! primitive int5sity ( implacable ignorance4 ,c\ld ?is cool girl be f ,detroit8 ,f t same ri* suburb :i* _h provid$ me ) a numb] ( h&some vital classmates at s*ool8 ,boys :o _h comb9$ physical vigor ) a resi/ance to all ideas b ^? ( _! suburb :i* c\ld only be describ$ z h]oic consid]+ ! p[] ( ,new ,engl& s*ools to crack ev5 ! t\ghe/ prejudices1 at lea/ on ! rational level4 ,t ^! boys did n possess a rational level _h (t5 occurr$ to me1 ?\gh ,i did1 grudg+ly1 admire1 ev5 9 my scorn1 _! grace & /r5g? z well z _! confid5ce 9 t assembly l9e :i* _h provid$ _! p>5ts ) l>ge suburban homes & !mselves ) a classical ,new ,engl& education :i*1 unlike ! re/ ( u1 !y'd manag$ to resi/ 444 ! :ole ma9 curr5t ( ,we/]n civilization eddy+ helplessly ab\t ^! y\?s :o /ood1 pleasantly firm1 l s _m rocks 9 a desp]ate *annel4 ,iris ,mortim] 0 "o ( !m4 ,hav+ le>n$ ?is !re 0 no?+ to d b f9d suffici5t names betwe5 u to e/abli% ! beg9n+s ( ! rapport ( class :i*1 ev5 9 t late ye> ( ! mid-c5tury1 /ill exi/$3 ! d[dy ari/ocracy to :i* we belong$ by virtue ( f9ancial security1 at lea/ 9 *ildhood1 ( education1 ( self-e/eem & ( h\ses :]e s]vants _h be5 9 "s quantity be=e ! second ( ! w>s2 all ?is we %>$ & ( c\rse ^? names 9 common ( s*oolmates1 "s f h] region1 o!rs f m9e1 names :i* e/abli%$ u z be+ ( an age4 ,we avoid$ = "s "t any comm5t ^u ! names1 )hold+ our true selves dur+ ! p]iod ( id5tification4 ,i discov]$ too t %e1 l me1 _h rema9$ unm>ri$1 an exceptional /ate ( affairs1 = all ! names we _h m5tion$ repres5t$ two p n[ in/ead ( "o4 ,ours _h be5 a reaction>y g5]ation :i* _h attempt$ to combat ! "t ( w>s & disa/]s by a scrupul\s obs]vance ( its gr&p>5ts' cu/oms1 a direct reaction to ! l9k+ g5]ation ^: lives _h be5 s ent]ta9+ly ornam5t$ ) self-consci\s1 untidy alliances1 well-=tifi$ by suspect g94 ,! result 0 no d\bt classic b1 at ! same "t2 x 0 a little %ock+3 _! *ildr5 7 decor\s1 subdu$2 !y m>ri$ e>ly1 conceiv$ glumly1 surr5d]$ to ! w ( _! own *ildr5 9 ! int]e/s ( enlight5$ psy*ology2 _! lives enri*$ by ! be/ g9 9 ! bett] suburbs1 safe among _! own k9d4 ,yet1 miracul\sly1 ,i _h escap$ & s app>5tly _h ,iris4 ,bo?1 simultane\sly1 7 aw>e ( ?is3 t sort ( swift1 un/at$ communication :i* briefly makes human relation%ips seem m pot5tial1 m mean+ful ?an actually !y are3 x is ! promise p]haps ( a p]fect h>mony nev] to be a*iev$ 9 life's e/ate4 8,y live "h alone80 ,%e indicat$ ! wrong direction ?\gh tak+ 91 correctly1 ! riv] on ^: ea/ bank ,i did live1 a few miles to ! nor? ( ,cl>issa4 ,i nodd$4 8,entirely alone 444 9 an old h\se40 ,%e sigh$4 8,no family80 8,none "h4 ,n mu* any:]e else4 ,a few 9 ,new ,orleans1 my family's orig9al base40 ,i wait$ = h] to ask if ,i nev] got lonely liv+ 9 a h\se on ! riv]1 remote f o!rs2 b %e saw no?+ extraord9>y 9 ?is4 8,x mu/ be f9e10 %e said sl[ly4 ,%e broke a leaf (f a fl[]+ bu% ^: bran*1 heavy ) bloom+1 quiv]$ above our heads z we sat on ! g>d5 b5* & wat*$ ! dim fla% ( goldfi% 9 ! muddy wat]s ( ! pond4 8,i l x10 ,i said1 a little disappo9t$ t !re 0 n[ no opportunity = me to con/ruct "o ( my famili> def5ses ( a life alone3 ,i _h1 9 ! five ye>s s9ce my days ( travel _h tempor>ily end$1 _m occasions on :i* to def5d & glorify ! solit>y life ,i _h *os5 = myself beside ?is riv]4 ,i _h an ev]-*ang+ rep]toire ( fe9ts & ?ru/s3 = in/ance1 ) ! he>ty1 ,i inv>iably que/ion$1 g5tly ( c\rse1 ! virtue ( a life 9 ! city1 conf9$ to a small ap>tm5t ) un9hibit$ babies & brea?+ daily l>ge quantities ( soot2 or !n ,i sometimes enjoy$ assum+ ! pr9ce ( d>kness pose1 alone ) 8 crimes 9 an anci5t h\se1 a figure :i* c\ld1 if necess>y1 be quickly alt]$ to ! m engag+ "o ( remote obs]v] ( ! ways ( m51 a /oic among 8 books1 su/a9$ by ! record$ fragm5ts ( =gott5 bloody days1 evok+ solemnly ! pure ess5ces ( nobl] times a *a/e intellig5ce beyond ! combat1 a prie/ celebrat+ ! cool memory ( 8 race4 ,my !at] 0 ext5sive & ,i almo/ regrett$ t ) ,iris !re 0 no ne$ = ev5 a brief curta9 rais]1 mu* less "o ( my exub]ant galas4 ,n accu/om$ to ! neutral response1 ,i /amm]$ some?+ ab\t ! pleasures ( g>d5s2 ,iris's calm indiff]5ce sav$ me f :at might h be5 a truly mawki% outbur/ calculat$ to int]e/ h] at any co/ 7mawki% because1 ,i am confid5t1 t none ( our deepe/ wi%es or de$s is1 f9ally1 :5 hone/ly decl>$1 v wond]ful or my/]i\s3 simplicity n complexity is at ! c5t] ( our be+2 =tunately ! trembl+ 8,i0 is seldom reveal$1 ev5 to paid li/5]s1 =1 consci\s ( ! appall+ directness ( our ne$s1 we wisely disguise _! nature ) a leg]dema9 ( peculi> cunn+74 ,mu* ( ,iris's attraction = me 444 & at ! beg9n+ t attraction did exi/ 444 0 t "o did n ne$ to discuss s _m ?+s3 ( c\rse ! bett] *>ades 7 n call$ into be+ :i*1 creatively speak+1 0 a pity2 b !n x 0 a relief n to pret5d &1 bett] /ill1 a relief n to beg9 ! bus9ess ( plumb+ %all[s "u ! illusion t a treasure *e/ ( tru? might be f\nd on ! m9d's sea floor 444 a grim ritual :i* 0 popul> 9 ^? ye>s1 especially 9 ! suburbs & h\s+ projects :]e ! m5tal !rapi/s 7 ubiquit\s & busy4 ,) ,iris1 "o did n susp5d1 ev5 at a cocktail p>ty1 ! usual artifices ( society4 ,all 0 und]/ood1 or seem$ to be1 :i* is exactly ! same ?+4 ,we talk$ ab\t ourselves z ?\gh ( abs5t /rang]s4 ,!n3 8,h y kn[n ,cl>issa long80 ,i ask$4 ,%e %ook h] head4 8,i met h] only la/ w9t]40 8,!n ?is is y\r fir/ visit "h8 to ! valley80 8,! fir/10 %e smil$1 8b x's a little l home1 y "k4 ,i don't mean ,detroit1 b a memory ( home1 got f books40 ,i ?\ght s too4 ,!n %e add$ t %e did n read any long] & ,i 0 a little reliev$2 someh[ ) ,iris "o want$ n to talk ab\t books or ! pa/4 ,s mu* ( h] *>m 0 t %e 0 entirely 9 ! pres5t4 ,x 0 h] gift1 p]haps h] f9e/ quality1 to inve/ ! mom5t ) a significance :i* 9 recollection did n exi/ except z a blurr$ impression ( excitem5t4 ,%e creat$ ?is m]ely by exi/+4 ,i 0 nev] to le>n ! trick1 = h] conv]sation 0 n1 9 itself1 int]e/+ & h] actions 7 usually calculable 9 advance1 mak+ all ! m unusual h] peculi> effect4 ,%e ask$ me politely ab\t my "w1 giv+ me !n ! useful k t1 ?\gh %e 0 int]e/$ 9 :at ,i 0 do+1 %e 0 n mu* int]e/$ 9 ! life ( ! ,emp]or ,julian4 ,i made x %ort4 8,i want to d a biography ( him4 ,i've always lik$ hi/ory & s1 :5 ,i settl$ d[n 9 ! h\se1 ,i *ose ,julian z my "w40 8,a life's "w80 8,h>dly4 ,b ano!r few ye>s4 ,x's ! read+ :i* ,i mo/ enjoy1 & t's trea*]\s4 ,!re is s mu* ( int]e/ to read t x seems a wa/e ( "t & en]gy to write any?+ 444 especially if x's to be only a reflection ( reflections40 8,!n :y d x80 8,some?+ to say1 ,i suppose2 or at lea/ ! desire to def9e & illum9ate 444 f "o's own po9t ( view1 ( c\rse40 8,!n :y 444 ,julian80 ,some?+ 9 ! way %e said ! "n conv9c$ me %e _h =gott5 :o he 0 if %e _h ev] kn[n4 8,! apo/asy2 ! la/ /& ( paganism aga9/ ,*ri/ianity40 ,%e look$ truly int]e/$1 = ! fir/ "t4 8,!y kill$ him1 didn't !y80 8,no1 he di$ 9 battle4 ,_h he liv$ long] he might at lea/ h kept ! ,empire divid$ betwe5 ! old gods & ! new messiah4 ,un=tunately 8 e>ly dea? 0 _! dea?1 ! end ( ! gods40 8,except !y return$ z sa9ts40 8,yes1 a few f\nd a place 9 ,*ri/ianity1 assum+ new names40 8,"m ( ,god10 %e murmur$ ?\ghtfully4 8,an un*ri/ian concept1 "o w\ld h ?\ght10 ,i add$1 ?\gh ! beautiful illogic _h be5 expla9$ to me aga9 & aga9 by ,ca?olics3 h[ ,god c\ld & c\ld n at ! same "t possess a "m1 t gleam+ que5 ( heav51 entirely regnant 9 ^? days4 8,i h (t5 ?\ght ab\t ^! ?+s10 %e said1 diffid5tly4 8,i'm afraid ,i'm n mu* ( a /ud5t b x fasc9ates me4 ,i've be5 out 9 ,cali=nia = ! pa/ few ye>s1 work+4 ,i 0 on a fa%ion magaz9e40 ,! note 0 exactly "r3 %e knew precisely :at t _w meant & %e 0 nei!r apologetic nor pleas$4 ,we bo? resi/$ ! impulse to beg9 ! names aga91 ?read+ our way ?r\gh ! maze ( fa%ion1 ?r\gh t frantic _w ( ! p]iph]al arts4 8,y kept away f ,v$anta80 ,a gr\p ( transplant$ ,engli% writ]s at ?is "t _h tak5 to ori5tal my/icism ) great eag]ness1 an atonem5t no d\bt = _! c>e]s z movie writ]s4 ,swamis & temples ab\nd$ among ! billbo>ds & orange trees2 b s9ce x 0 ! way = "s x 01 = ^? few at lea/1 honorable4 8,i came close40 ,%e laugh$4 8,b !re 0 too mu* to read & ev5 !n ,i always felt t x didn't "w = u1 = ,am]icans1 ,i mean4 ,x's probably q logical & famili> to ,asiatics1 b we come f a diff]5t l9e1 ) a diff]5t hi/ory2 _! responses ar5't ours4 ,b ,i did feel x 0 possible = o!rs1 :i* is a great deal40 8,because s mu* is really n possible80 8,exactly4 ,b !n ,i "k v little ab\t ^! ?+s40 ,%e 0 direct3 no implication t :at %e did n "k ei!r did n exi/ or 0 n wor? ! kn[+1 ! traditional response 9 ! fa%ionable _w4 8,are y work+ n[80 ,%e %ook h] head4 8,no1 ,i gave x up4 ,! magaz9e s5t somebody to take my place out !re 7,i didn't h ! 'p]sonality' !y want$7 & s ,i came on to ,new ,york :]e ,i've nev] really be51 except = week ends f s*ool4 ,! magaz9e _h "s idea t ,i might "w into ! ,new ,york (fice1 b ,i 0 ?r\gh4 ,i h work$40 8,& _h en\gh80 8,= t sort ( ?+1 yes4 ,s ,i've gone out a lot 9 ,new ,york1 met _m p2 ?\ght a little44440 ,%e twi/$ ! leaf t %e /ill held 9 h] f+]s1 h] eyes vague z ?\gh focus$ on ! leaf's fa9t %ad[ :i* fell 9 dep? ^u h] dress1 "p ^u h] dress & m on a tree's bran* end+ f9ally 9 a t9y fragm5t ( %ad[ on ! gr\nd1 l ! bottom /ep ( a frail /aircase ( air4 8,& "h y are1 at ,cl>issa's40 8,:at an extraord9>y woman %e is60 ,! eyes 7 turn$ ^u me1 hazel eyes1 v cle>1 ! :ites lum9\s ) y\?4 8,%e collects p1 b n accord+ to any ( ! usual crit]ia4 ,%e makes !m all fit1 someh[1 b :at x is !y fit1 :at design1 no "o kn[s4 ,i don't "k1 t is40 8,i suppose ,i 0 collect$4 ,?\gh x might h be5 ! o!r way ar\nd1 s9ce ,i am sure %e int]e/s me m ?an ,i d h]40 8,!re is no way ( tell+40 8,anyway1 ,i'm pleas$ %e ask$ me "h40 ,we talk$ ( ,cl>issa ) "s int]e/1 gett+ n[h]e4 ,cl>issa 0 truly enigmatic4 ,%e _h liv$ = tw5ty ye>s on ! ,hudson4 ,%e 0 n m>ri$ b x 0 ?\ght %e _h be54 ,%e ent]ta9$ ) great skill4 ,%e 0 9 dem& 9 ,new ,york & also 9 ,europe :]e %e (t5 travel$4 ,b no "o knew any?+ ( h] orig9 or ( ! s\rce ( h] weal? &1 oddly en\gh1 al?\gh ev]yone obs]v$ h] rem>kable ide fixe1 no "o ev] discuss$ x1 z ?\gh 9 tactful ob$i5ce to "s obscure s5se ( =m4 ,9 ! half-doz5 ye>s t ,i _h kn[n h] n once _h ,i discuss$ ) anyone h] ecc5tricity4 ,we accept$ 9 h] pres5ce ! reality ( h] mania1 & !re x end$4 ,"s 7 m int]e/$ by x ?an o!rs4 ,i 0 fasc9at$1 & hav+ susp5d$ bo? belief & d\bt f\nd h] ri*ly kn[+ 9 matt]s :i* int]e/$ me4 ,h] acc\nts ( v>i\s meet+s ) ,labianus 9 ,antio* 7 q brilliant1 all told mo/ lit]ally1 z ?\gh %e _h no faculty = inv5tion :i* p]haps1 t]rify+ ?\ght1 %e truly lack$1 9 :i* case 444 b we *ose n to speculate4 ,iris spoke ( plans4 8,i'm go+ back to ,cali=nia40 8,tir$ ( ,new ,york80 8,no1 h>dly4 ,b ,i met someone q extraord9>y out !re1 someone ,i ?9k ,i %\ld l to see aga940 ,h] c&or made x p]fectly cle> t h] int]e/ 0 n romantic4 8,x's r 9 l9e too ) :at we 7 talk+ ab\t4 ,i mean y\r ,julian & all t4 ,he's a k9d ( prea*]40 8,t doesn't s\nd promis+40 ,a goldfi% made a popp+ s\nd z x captur$ a dragonfly on ! pond's surface4 8,b he isn't ! usual sort ( ?+ at all4 ,he's completely diff]5t b ,i'm n sure j h[40 8,an evangeli/80 ,9 ^? days l\d m5 & wom5 7 /ill able to collect enorm\s cr[ds by rang+ up & d[n ! c\ntry ro>+ ab\t t salvation :i* might be f\nd 9 ! bosom ( ! ,lamb4 8,no1 8 own sort ( ?+ entirely4 ,a little l ! ,v$anta tea*]s1 only he's ,am]ican1 & "y40 8,:at does he tea*80 8,i 444 ,i'm n sure4 ,no1 don't laugh4 ,i only met him once4 ,at a fri5d's h\se 9 ,santa ,monica4 ,he talk$ v little b "o _h ! feel+ t1 well1 t x 0 some?+ unusual40 8,x mu/ h be5 if y c't recall :at he said40 ,i revis$ my fir/ e/imate3 x 0 romantic aft] all2 a man :o 0 "y1 fasc9at+ 444 ,i 0 almo/ jeal\s z a matt] ( pr9ciple4 8,i'm afraid ,i don't make mu* s5se40 ,%e ge/ur$ & ! leaf fell into its own %ad[ on ! grass4 8,p]haps x 0 ! effect he _h on ! o!rs t impress$ me4 ,!y 7 clev] p1 worldly p yet !y li/5$ to him l *ildr540 8,:at does he d8 does he prea*8 "w80 8,i don't "k t ei!r4 ,i met him ! night be=e ,i left ,cali=nia & ,i hav5't se5 anyone :o 0 !re t ev5+ s9ce40 8,b n[ y ?9k y want to g back to f9d out80 8,yes4 ,i've ?\ght ab\t him a great deal ^! la/ few weeks4 ,y'd ?9k "o w\ld =get su* a ?+1 b ,i hav5't40 8,:at 0 8 "n80 8,cave1 ,i ?9k4 ,john ,cave40 8,a pair ( initials calculat$ to amaze ! innoc5t40 ,yet ev5 :ile ,i invok$ irony1 ,i felt ) a c]ta9 *ill 9 ! heat t ?is 0 to be ,cl>issa's plot1 & = _m days aft]w>ds t "n e*o$ 9 my memory1 long aft] ,i _h tempor>ily =gott5 ,iris's own "n1 _h =gott51 z "o does1 ! :ole day1 ! peony 9 ! boxwood1 ! leaf's fall & ! cat* ( ! goldfi%2 in/ants :i* n[ live aga9 9 ! act ( recreation1 details :i* 7 to fade into a yell[-gre5 blur ( ,june & ( ! girl beside me 9 a g>d5 & ( t "n spok5 9 my he>+ = ! fir/ "t1 becom+ 9 my imag9ation l "s b>e monoli? await+ ! sculptor's *isel4 ,,two #a ,i did n see ,iris aga9 = "s mon?s4 ,nor1 = t matt]1 did ,i see ,cl>issa :o1 ! day aft] our lun*1 disappe>$ on "o ( h] my/]i\s trips 444 ?is "t to ,london1 ,i ?9k1 s9ce %e usually got !re = ! season4 ,cl>issa's com+s & go+s d\btless foll[$ "s patt]n ?\gh ,i c\ld nev] make mu* s5se ( !m4 ,i 0 v disappo9t$ n to see h] be=e %e left because ,i _h want$ to ask h] ab\t ,iris & also 444 99 99 99 99 99 ,x has be5 a difficult day4 ,%ortly aft] ,i wrote ! l9es above1 ?is morn+1 ,i he>d ! s\nd ( an ,am]ican voice on ! /reet-side ( ! hotel2 ! fir/ ,am]ican voice ,i've he>d 9 "s ye>s =1 except+ me1 none has be5 all[$ 9 ,upp] ,egypt = tw5ty ye>s4 ,! division ( ! _w has be5 q ?or\gh1 religi\sly & politically1 & _h n "s (ficial long ago guess$ my id5tity x is d\btful t ,i %\ld h be5 grant$ asylum ev5 9 ?is remote region4 ,i tri$ to cont9ue ) my writ+ b x 0 impossible3 ,i c\ld recall no?+4 ,my att5tion w\ld n focus on ! pa/1 on ^? wrai?s :i* h lately begun to assume aga9 su* />tl+ reality z ,i g ab\t ! "w ( memory 444 b ! pa/ 0 lo/ to me ?is morn+4 ,! doors %ut & ,i 0 m>oon$ 9 ! meag] pres5t4 ,:o 0 ?is ,am]ican :o _h come to ,luxor8 & :y8 ,= a mom5t ! s]5ity :i* ,i h s long practic$ fail$ me & ,i fe>$ = my life4 ,! long-await$ assass9s _h f9ally come4 ,b !n t animal )9 :o undoes u all ) 8 fi]ce w to live1 grew quiet1 accept+ aga9 ! discipl9e ,i h s long ma9ta9$ ov] him1 8 ob$i5ce due less p]haps to my /rong w ?an to 8 fatigue1 = he is no long] giv5 to ^? rages & t]rors & exultations :i* once dom9at$ me z ! moon does ! tide3 8 defeat be+ my old age's s+le victory1 & a bitt] "o4 ,i took ! pages t ,i _h writt5 & hid !m 9 a wide crack 9 ! m>ble-topp$ ,victorian wa%/&4 ,i !n put on a tie & l95 jacket &1 cane 9 h&1 my mo/ bemus$ & guileless expression ^u my face1 ,i left ! room & walk$ d[n ! tall dim corridor to ! lobby1 limp+ p]haps a little m ?an 0 necess>y1 exagg]at+ my quiet g5u9e debility to sugge/1 if possible1 an ev5 great] helplessness4 ,if !y _h come at la/ to kill me1 ,i ?\ght x be/ to g to !m :ile ,i /ill held 9 *eck ! creature t]ror4 ,z ,i approa*$ ! lobby1 ,i recall$ ,cic]o's dea? & took c\rage f 8 example4 ,he too _h be5 old & tir$1 too exasp]at$ at ! la/ ev5 to flee4 ,my assass9 7if su* he is & ,i /ill d n "k7 looks p]fectly h>mless3 a r$-fac$ ,am]ican 9 a :ite suit crumpl$ f heat & travel4 ,9 atroci\s ,arabic he 0 address+ ! manag] :o1 ?\gh he speaks no ,engli%1 is compet5t 9 ,fr5*1 is accu/om$ to speak+ ,fr5* to ,occid5tals4 ,my compatriot1 h[ev]1 0 ob/9ate & smo!r$ ) a l\d voice ! polite ,european cad5ces ( ! manag]4 ,i mov$ sl[ly to ! desk1 tapp+ emphatically ) my cane on ! tile floor4 ,bo? turn$2 x 0 ! mom5t :i* ,i h s long dread$3 ! eyes ( an ,am]ican 7 turn$ ^u me once aga94 ,w\ld he "k8 ,does he "k8 ,i felt all ! blood leave my head4 ,) a great ef=t1 ,i rema9$ on my feet2 /eady+ my voice :i* has n[adays a t5d5cy to quav] ev5 :5 ,i am at ease1 ,i said to ! ,am]ican1 9 our own language1 ! language ,i _h n once spok5 9 ne>ly tw5ty ye>s1 8,c ,i be ( assi/ance1 sir80 ,! words s\nd$ /range on my lips & ,i 0 aw>e t ,i _h giv5 !m an ornat5ess :i* 0 q unlike my usual spee*4 ,8 look ( surprise 01 ,i ?9k1 p]fectly g5u9e4 ,i felt a c[>dly relief3 n yet1 n yet4 8,oh60 ! ,am]ican />$ at me /upidly = a mom5t 78 face is able to sugge/ a m>vel\s range ( incompreh5sion1 z ,i h s9ce discov]$74 8,my "n is ,ri*>d ,hudson10 ,i said1 pron\nc+ c>efully ! "n by :i* ,i am kn[n 9 ,egypt1 ! "n ) :i* ,i h liv$ s long t x sometimes seems z if all my life be=e 0 only a dream1 a fantasy ( a "t :i* nev] 0 except 9 rev]ies1 9 ^? curi\s wak+-dreams :i* ,i (t5 h ^! days :5 ,i am tir$1 at sund[n usually1 :5 my m9d (t5 loses all control ov] itself & ! memory gr[s confus$ ) imag9+s1 & ,i behold worlds & spl5dors :i* ,i h nev] kn[n yet :i* are vivid en\gh to haunt me ev5 9 ! lucid morn+s3 ,i am dy+1 ( c\rse1 & my bra9 is only lett+ up1 releas+ its images ) a royal ab&on1 confus+ ev]y?+ l ^? surreali/ works ( art :i* _h "s vogue 9 my y\?4 8,oh10 said ! ,am]ican aga9 & !n1 hav+ accept$ my reality1 he pu%$ a fat r$ h& t[>d me4 8,! "n is ,butl]1 ,bill ,butl]4 ,glad to meet y4 ,didn't expect to f9d ano!r :ite 444 didn't expect to meet up ) an ,am]ican 9 ^! p>ts40 ,i %ook ! h&4 8,let me help y10 ,i said1 lett+ g ! h& quickly4 8,! manag] speaks no ,engli%40 8,i be5 /udy+ ,arabic10 said ,butl] ) a c]ta9 sull5ness4 8,j f9i%$ a ye>'s c\rse at ,ottawa ,c5t] = ?is job4 ,!y don't speak x "h l we /udi$ x40 8,x takes "t10 ,i said soo?+ly4 8,y'll cat* ! tone40 8,oh1 ,i'm sure ( t4 ,tell !m ,i got a res]vation40 ,butl] mopp$ 8 full gli/5+ *eeks ) a h&k]*ief4 8,y h a res]vation = ,william ,butl]80 ,i ask$ ! manag] 9 ,fr5*4 ,he %ook 8 head1 look+ at ! regi/] 9 front ( him4 8,is he an ,am]ican80 ,he look$ surpris$ :5 ,i said t he 04 8,b x didn't s\nd l ,engli%40 8,he 0 try+ to speak ,arabic40 ,! manag] sigh$4 8,w\ld y ask him to %[ me 8 passport & au?orizations80 ,i communicat$ ?is to ,butl] :o pull$ a bulky envelope f 8 pocket & h&$ x to ! manag]4 ,z well z ,i c\ld1 )\t appe>+ inquisitive1 ,i look$ at ! pap]s4 ,i c\ld tell no?+4 ,! passport 0 evid5tly 9 ord]4 ,! num]\s au?orizations f ! ,egyptian ,gov]nm5t 9 ! ,pan-,arabic ,league1 h[ev]1 seem$ to int]e/ ! manag] int5sely4 8,p]haps 4440 ,i began1 b he 0 already telephon+ ! police4 ,?\gh ,i speak ,arabic ) difficulty1 ,i c und]/& x easily4 ,! manag] 0 inquir+ at l5g? ab\t ,mr4 ,butl] & ab\t 8 /atus 9 ,egypt4 ,! police *ief evid5tly knew all ab\t him & ! conv]sation 0 %ort4 8,w\ld y ask him to sign ! regi/]80 ,! manag]'s expression 0 puzzl$4 ,i wond]$ :at on e>? x 0 all ab\t4 8,don't "k :y10 said ,butl]1 c>v+ 8 "n into ! regi/] ) ! anci5t p51 8!re's all ?is confusion4 ,i wir$ = a room la/ week f ,cairo40 8,communications h n be5 p]fect$ 9 ! ,arab c\ntries10 ,i said 7=tunately = me1 ,i ?\ght to myself74 ,:5 he _h done regi/]+1 a boy came & took 8 bags & ! key to 8 room4 8,mu* oblig$ to y1 ,mr4 ,hudson40 8,n at all40 8,l to see some?+ ( y1 if y don't m9d4 ,wond] if y c\ld give me an idea ( ! lay ( ! l&40 ,i said ,i %\ld be delight$ & we made a date to meet = tea 9 ! cool ( ! late aft]noon1 on ! t]race4 ,:5 he _h gone1 ,i ask$ ! manag] ab\t him b he1 old fri5d t he 0 7he has be5 manag] = twelve ye>s & looks up to me z an eld] /atesman1 9 ! hotel at lea/1 s9ce ,i h liv$ !re long]71 m]ely %rugg$ & said1 8,x's too mu* = me1 sir40 ,& ,i c\ld get no m out ( him4 #b ,! t]race 0 ne>ly cool :5 we met at six o'clock1 at ! h\r :5 ! ,egyptian sun has j lo/ its unbe>able gold1 fall+1 a sc>let disc1 into ! :ite /one hills across ! dull riv] :i*1 at ?is season1 w9ds n>r[ly among ! mud-flats1 a ?ird ( its usual size1 dim9i%$ by heat4 8,don't suppose we c\ld ord] a dr9k 444 n t ,i'm mu* ( a dr9k+ man1 y "k4 ,get q a ?ir/1 ?\gh1 on a day l ?is40 ,i told him t s9ce =eign]s _h ceas$ to come "h1 ! b> _h be5 clos$ d[n3 ,moslems = religi\s reasons did n use alcohol4 8,i "k1 ,i "k10 he said4 8,/udi$ all ab\t !m1 ev5 read ! ,koran4 ,frightful /uff1 too40 8,no worse ?an mo/ docum5ts reveal$ by heav510 ,i said g5tly1 n want+ to get on to t subject4 8,b tell me :at br+s y to ^! p>ts80 8,i 0 go+ to ask y ! same ?+10 said ,butl] g5ially1 tak+ ! cup ( m9t tea :i* ! s]vant _h br\ght him4 ,on ! riv] a boat ) a r$ sail tack$ sl[ly 9 ! hot breeze4 8,! manag] tells me y've be5 up "h = tw5ty ye>s40 8,y mu/ h f\nd a language 9 common40 ,butl] *uckl$4 8,^! devils und]/& y well en\gh if !y want to4 ,b y44440 8,i 0 an ar*aeologi/ at "o "t10 ,i said & ,i told him ! famili> /ory :i* ,i h repeat$ s _m times n[ t ,i h almo/ come to believe x4 8,i 0 f ,bo/on orig9ally4 ,d y "k ,bo/on8 ,i (t5 ?9k ( ^? cold w9t]s ) a c]ta9 long+4 ,too mu* light c be z try+ z too little4 ,"s tw5ty ye>s ago1 ,i decid$ to retire1 to write a book ( memoirs40 ,?is 0 a new1 plausible t\*1 8,egypt 0 always my s+le passion & s ,i came to ,luxor1 to ?is hotel :]e ,i've be5 q cont5t1 ?\gh h>dly indu/ri\s40 8,h[ come !y let y 98 ,i mean !re 0 all t tr\ble along ar\nd :5 ! ,pan-,arabic ,league %ut itself (f f civilization40 8,i 0 v lucky1 ,i suppose4 ,i _h _m fri5ds 9 ! academic _w ( ,cairo & !y 7 able to grant me a special disp5sation40 8,old h&1 !n1 ) ! natives80 8,b a little out ( practice4 ,all my ,egyptian fri5ds h se5 fit to die & ,i live n[ z ?\gh ,i 7 already dead myself40 ,?is _h ! desir$ effect ( *ill+ him4 ,?\gh he 0 /ill "y1 h>dly fifty1 ! imm$iacy ( dea?1 ev5 :5 manife/$ 9 ! p]son ( a *ance acqua9tance1 did inspire a c]ta9 gravity4 ,he mumbl$ some?+ :i* ,i did n cat*4 ,i ?9k my he>+ has begun to g3 n t ,i am deaf b ,i h1 at times1 a monoton\s buzz+ 9 my e>s :i* makes conv]sation difficult1 ?\gh n impossible4 ,accord+ to ! local doctor my art]ies h h>d5$ & at any mom5t "o is apt to bur/ among ! convolutions ( ! bra91 dr[n+ my life4 ,b ,i d n dwell on ?is1 at lea/ n 9 conv]sation4 8,!re's be5 a big %ake-up 9 ! ,atlantic community4 ,don't suppose y'd he> mu* ab\t x ar\nd "h s9ce f ! newspap]s ,i've se5 9 ,egypt !y h a pretty tight c5sor%ip40 ,i said ,i knew no?+ ab\t rec5t activities 9 ! ,atlantic community or any:]e else1 o!r ?an ,egypt4 8,well !y've work$ out an alliance ) ,pan-,arabia :i* w op5 ! :ole area to u4 ,( c\rse no oil exploitation is all[$ b !re'll /ill be a lot ( legitimate bus9ess betwe5 our sph]e & ^! p40 ,i li/5$ to him pati5tly :ile he expla9$ ! /ate ( ! _w to me2 x seem$ un*ang$3 ! only diff]5ce 0 t !re 7 n[ new & unfamili> names 9 high places4 ,he f9i%$ ) a patriotic h>angue ab\t ! necessity ( ! civiliz$ to "w 9 h>mony toge!r = ! good ( mank9d3 8,& ?is op5+ up ( ,egypt has giv5 u ! *ance we've be5 wait+ = = ye>s1 & we mean to take x40 8,y mean to ext5d trade80 8,no1 ,i mean ! ,^w40 8,! ,^w80 ,i repeat$ numbly1 ! old fe> return+4 8,:y sure2 ,i'm a ,cavite ,communicator40 ,he rapp$ p]functorily on ! table twice4 ,i tapp$ feebly ) my cane on ! tile3 9 ! days ( ! ,spani% p]secution su* signals 7 a means ( secret communication 7n t ! p]secution _h really be5 s great b x _h be5 our decision to dramatize x 9 ord] t our p might become m consci\s ( _! spl5did if tempor>y isolation & high de/9y72 x _h n occurr$ to me t1 triumphant1 ! ,cavites %\ld /ill cl+ to ^? bits ( frat]nal ritual :i* ,i'd conceiv$ ) a c]ta9 levity 9 ! e>ly days4 ,b ( c\rse ! love ( ritual1 ( symbol is peculi> to our race & ,i reflect$ bleakly on ?is z ,i return$ ! solemn signal :i* id5tifi$ u z bro!r ,cavites4 8,! _w mu/ h *ang$ inde$10 ,i said at la/4 8,x 0 a ,moslem law t no =eign mission>ies be all[$ 9 ! ,arab ,league40 8,pressure60 ,butl] look$ v pleas$4 8,no?+ obvi\s ( c\rse2 _h to be done ?\gh40 8,= economic reasons80 8,no1 = ,cavesword4 ,t's :at we're sell+ because t's ! "o ?+ we've got40 ,& he bl9k$ s]i\sly at ! remnant ( sc>let sun2 8 voice _h gr[n husky1 l a man sell+ "s commodity on television 9 ! old days4 ,yet ! note ( s9c]ity1 :e!r simulat$ or g5u9e1 0 unmi/akably resolute4 8,y may h a difficult "t10 ,i said1 n want+ to g on ) ?is conv]sation b unable to direct x %ort ( walk+ away4 8,! ,moslems are v /ubborn 9 _! fai?40 ,butl] laugh$ confid5tly4 8,we'll *ange all t4 ,x may n be easy at fir/ because we've got to g sl[1 feel our way1 b once we "k ! lay ( ! l&1 y might say1 we'll be able to produce "s big back+1 "s real back+40 ,8 mean+ 0 unmi/akable4 ,already ,i c\ld imag9e ^? ,squads ( ! ,^w 9 action ?r\gh\t ?is la/ t]re/rial refuge4 ,long ago !y _h begun z eag] in/ruction teams2 aft] ! fir/ victories1 h[ev]1 !y _h become adept at demoralization1 at bra9-wa%+ & auto-hypnosis1 us+ all ! psy*ological weapons :i* our race 9 its +5uity _h fa%ion$ 9 ! mid-c5tury1 becom+ s p]fect ) ! passage ( "t t imprisonm5t or execution = unor?odoxy 0 no long] necess>y3 ev5 ! mo/ recalcitrant1 ! mo/ virtu\s man1 c\ld be r$uc$ to a s9c]e & useful or?odoxy1 no diff]5t 9 quality f 8 =m] antagoni/s1 8 mom5t ( rebellion =gott51 8 reason an*or$ securely at la/ 9 ! g5]al tru?4 ,i 0 also q confid5t t _! me?ods _h improv$ ev5 s9ce my enlight5$ "t4 8,i hope y'll be able to save ^! poor p10 ,i said1 dete/+ myself = ?is hypocrisy4 8,n a d\bt 9 ! _w10 he clapp$ 8 h&s4 8,!y don't "k :at happ9ess we'll br+ !m40 ,difficult z x 0 to accept su* hyp]bole1 ,i believ$ 9 8 s9c]ity3 he is "o ( ^? zealots )\t ^: (fices no l>ge "w 9 ! _w c be successfully propagat$4 ,i did n feel m ?an a pass+ pity = ! ,moslems3 !y 7 doom$ b _! fate w\ld n unduly di/ress !m = my companion 0 p]fectly "r :5 he spoke ( ! happ9ess :i* w\ld be !irs3 a bli! m9dlessness :i* w\ld 9 no way affect _! usefulness z citiz5s4 ,we _h long s9ce det]m9$ t = ! mass ?is 0 ! only humane way ( ridd+ !m ( sup]/ition 9 ! int]e/ ( ,cavesword & ! bett] life4 8,x's /range1 ?\gh1 t !y %\ld let y 910 ,i said1 q aw>e t he might be my assass9 aft] all1 p]mitt$ by ! ,egyptian gov]nm5t to de/roy me &1 ) me1 ! la/ true memory ( ! mission4 ,i _h n completely got ov] my fir/ impression t ,butl] 0 an accompli%$ actor1 s\nd+ me out be=e ! f9al victory ( ! ,cavites1 ! necess>y dea? & total oblit]ation ( ! p]son & ! memory ( ,eug5e ,lu!r1 n[ gr[n old ) a false "n 9 a burn+ l&4 ,if he 0 an actor1 he 0 a ma/]4 ,he ?ump$ on int]m9ably ab\t ,am]ica1 ,john ,cave & ! necessity ( spread+ 8 ^w ?r\gh\t ! _w4 ,i li/5$ pati5tly z ! sun w5t abruptly beh9d ! hills & all ! />s appe>$ 9 ! moonless wa/e ( sky4 ,fires appe>$ 9 ! hovels on ! f> %ore ( ! ,nile1 yell[ po9ts ( light l fireflies hov]+ by t o!r riv] :i* ,i %all nev] see aga94 8,mu/ be ne>ly supp]time40 8,n q10 ,i said1 reliev$ t ,butl]'s face 0 n[ invisible4 ,i 0 n us$ to great r$ faces aft] my ye>s 9 ,luxor among ! lean1 ! delicate & ! d>k4 ,n[ only 8 voice 0 a dissonance 9 ! ev5+4 8,hope ! food's edible40 8,x isn't bad1 ?\gh x may take "s gett+ us$ to40 8,well1 ,i've a /rong /oma*4 ,guess t's :y !y *ose me = ?is job40 ,?is job8 c\ld x mean4448 b ,i refus$ to let myself be panick$4 ,i h liv$ too long ) t]ror to be mu* mov$ n[2 especially s9ce my life ( its own g5]ation has br\ght me to dissolution's edge4 8,are !re _m ( y80 ,i ask$ politely4 ,! day 0 end+ & ,i 0 gr[+ we>y1 all s5ses blunt$ & "s confus$4 8,_m ,communicators80 8,q a few10 said ,butl]4 8,!y've be5 tra9+ u = ! la/ ye> 9 ,canada = ! big job ( op5+ up ,pan-,arabia4 ,( c\rse we've kn[n = ye>s t x 0 j a matt] ( "t be=e ! gov]nm5t got u 9 "h40 8,!n y've be5 ?or\ghly gr\nd$ 9 ! ,arab culture8 & disposition80 8,oh1 sure4 ,may h to come to y e n[ & !n1 ?\gh1 if y don't m9d40 ,he *uckl$ to %[ t 8 patronage w\ld be g5ial4 8,i %\ld be honor$ to assi/40 8,we anticipate tr\ble at fir/4 ,we h to g sl[4 ,pret5d we're j available = in/ruction :ile we get to "k ! local big %ots4 ,!n1 :5 ! "t comes44440 ,he left ! om9\s s5t5ce unf9i%$4 ,i c\ld imag9e ! re/1 h[ev]4 ,=tunately1 nature by !n1 ) or )\t ,mr4 ,butl]'s assi/ance1 w\ld h remov$ me z a witness4 ,inside ! hotel ! noise ( plates be+ mov$ provid$ a famili> ref]5ce4 ,i 0 consci\s ( be+ hungry3 z ! body's me*anism jolts to a halt1 x wants m fuel ?an x ev] did at its optimum4 ,i want$ to g 9 b be=e ,i c\ld gracefully extricate myself ,butl] ask$ me a "q4 8,y ! only ,am]ican 9 ^! p>ts80 ,i said t ,i 04 8,funny no?+ 0 said ab\t !re be+ any ,am]ican up "h4 ,i guess !y didn't "k y 7 "h40 8,p]haps !y 7 c\nt+ me among ! ,am]ican colony at ,cairo10 ,i said smoo?ly4 8,i suppose1 (ficially1 ,i am a resid5t ( t city4 ,i 0 on ! ,advisory ,bo>d ( ! ,museum40 ,?is 0 n remotely true b s9ce1 to my k1 !re is no ,advisory ,bo>d x w\ld be difficult = anyone to e/abli% my abs5ce f x4 8,t mu/ be x40 ,butl] seem$ easily satisfi$1 p]haps too easily4 8,c]ta9ly makes ?+s a lot easi] = u1 hav+ somebody l y up "h1 ano!r ,cavite1 :o kn[s ! l+o40 8,i'll help 9 any way ,i c2 ?\gh ,i'm afraid ,i h pass$ ! age ( usefulness4 ,l ! ,briti% k+1 ,i c only advise40 8,well1 t's en\gh4 ,i'm ! active "o anyway4 ,my p>tn] takes c>e ( ! o!r ?+s40 8,p>tn]8 ,i ?\ght y 7 alone40 8,no4 ,i'm to get my heels 9 fir/2 !n my colleague comes on 9 a few weeks4 ,t's /&>d proc$ure4 ,he's a psy*ologi/ & an au?ority on ,cavesword4 ,we all are1 ( c\rse--au?orities1 t is--b he's gone into ! e>ly hi/ory & s on a little m ?or\ghly ?an u field m5 usually d40 ,s !re 0 to be ano!r "o1 a clev]] "o4 ,i f\nd myself bo? dread+ & look+ =w>d to ! arrival ( ?is dang]\s p]son3 x w\ld be int]e/+ to communicate ) a good m9d aga91 or at lea/ an in/ruct$ "o3 ?\gh ,butl] has n giv5 me mu* confid5ce 9 ! new ,cavite ,communicators4 ,nev]!less1 ,i am int5sely curi\s ab\t ! ,we/]n _w s9ce my flight f x4 ,i h be5 effectively cut (f f any real communion ) ! ,we/ = two decades4 ,rumors1 /ray bits ( in=mation sometimes p5etrate z f> z ,luxor b ,i c make little s5se ( !m1 = ! ,cavites are1 z ,i well "k1 n giv5 to c&or :ile ! ,egyptian newspap]s exi/ 9 a fantasy _w ( ,pan-,arabic dom9ion4 ,!re 0 s mu* ,i wi%$ to "k t ,i hesitat$ to ask ,butl]1 n = fe> ( giv+ myself away b because ,i felt t any s]i\s conv]sation ) him w\ld be po9tless3 ,i r d\bt$ if he knew :at he 0 suppos$ to "k1 mu* less all ! details :i* ,i wi%$ to "k & :i* ev5 a mod]ately intellig5t man1 if n hopelessly zeal\s1 might be able to supply me )4 ,i _h a sudd5 idea4 8,y don't happ5 to h a rec5t edition ( ! ,te/am5t1 d y8 ,m9e's q old & out ( date40 8,:at date80 ,?is 0 unexpect$4 8,! ye>8 ,i don't recall4 ,ab\t ?irty ye>s old1 ,i %\ld say40 ,!re 0 a sil5ce4 8,( c\rse y\rs is a special case1 be+ m>oon$ l ?is4 ,!re's a rul+ ab\t x :i* ,i ?9k w protect y fully s9ce y've _h no contact ) ! outside2 anyway1 z a ,communicator1 ,i mu/ ask y = y\r old copy40 8,:y c]ta9ly b 4440 8,i'll give y a new "o1 ( c\rse4 ,y see x is aga9/ ! law to h any ,te/am5t :i* pr$ates ! second ,cavite ,c\ncil40 ,i 0 beg9n+ to und]/&3 aft] ! s*ism a second ,c\ncil _h be5 inevitable ev5 ?\gh no ref]5ce to x has ev] appe>$ 9 ! ,egyptian press4 8,! c5sor%ip "h is ?or\gh10 ,i said4 8,i _h no idea !re _h be5 a new ,c\ncil40 8,:at a bun* ( savages60 ,butl] groan$ ) disgu/4 8,t's go+ to be "o ( our ma9 jobs1 y "k1 education1 free+ ! press4 ,!re has be5 almo/ no communication betwe5 ! two sph]es ( influ5ce44440 8,sph]es ( influ5ce40 ,h[ easily ! phrase came to 8 lips6 ,all ! j>gon ( ! j\rnali/s ( fifty ye>s ago has1 ,i ga!r1 gone into ! language1 provid+ ! in>ticulate ) a numb] ( made-up phrases calculat$ to blur ev5 _! none too cle> mean+s4 ,i assume ( c\rse t ,butl] is z in>ticulate z he seems1 t he is typical ( ! fir/ po/-,cavite g5]ation4 8,y mu/ give me a cle> picture ( :at has be5 happ5+ 9 ,am]ica s9ce my retirem5t40 ,b ,i rose to prev5t him f giv+ me1 at t mom5t at lea/1 any fur!r obs]vations on 8sph]es ( influ5ce40 ,i /ood = a mom5t1 re/+ on my cane3 ,i _h /ood up too quickly & z usual suff]$ a spell ( dizz9ess2 ,i 0 also rav5\sly hungry4 ,butl] /amp$ out a cig>ette on ! tile4 8,be glad to tell y any?+ y want to "k4 ,t's my bus9ess40 ,he laugh$ %ortly4 8,well1 "t = *[4 ,i've got "s anti-bact]ia tablets !y gave u be=e we came out1 suppos$ to keep ! food f poison+ u40 8,i'm sure y won't ne$ !m "h40 ,he kept pace ) my sl[ %uffle4 8,well1 x increases eat+ pleasure1 too40 ,inadv]t5tly1 ,i %udd]$ z ,i recogniz$ yet ano!r glib phrase f ! pa/2 x _h seem$ su* a good idea to exploit ! vulg> language ( ! adv]tis]s4 ,i suff]$ a brief spasm ( guilt4 #c ,we d9$ toge!r 9 ! airy salon :i* 0 ne>ly empty at ?is season except = a h&ful ( gov]nm5t (ficials & bus9essm5 :o ey$ u )\t mu* int]e/ ev5 ?\gh ,am]icans are n a common sight 9 ,egypt4 ,!y 7 ( c\rse us$ to me al?\gh1 z a rule1 ,i keep out ( sight1 tak+ my meals 9 my own room & frequ5t+ ^? walks along ! riv] bank :i* avoid altoge!r ! t[n ( ,luxor4 ,i f\nd1 aft] ,i _h d9$1 t physically ,i 0 some:at re/or$1 bett] able to cope ) ,butl]4 ,9 fact1 inadv]t5tly1 ,i actually f\nd myself1 9 ! madness ( my great age1 enjoy+ 8 company1 a sure pro( ( lonel9ess if n ( s5ility4 ,he too1 aft] tak+ pills calculat$ to fill him 8*ock full ( vim & vigor0 7t is inde$ ! phrase he us$71 relax$ consid]ably & spoke ( 8 life 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates4 ,he _h no tal5t = evok+ :at he w\ld d\btlessly call 8! l>ge picture0 b 9 a casual1 disord]$ way he 0 able to give me a numb] ( details ab\t 8 own life & "w :i* did sugge/ ! proportions ( ! _w f :i* he _h s rec5tly come & :i* ,i _h1 9 my folly1 help$ create4 ,on religi\s matt]s he 0 unimag9ative & doctr9aire1 conc]n$ ) ! lett] ( ! comm&s & revelations r ?an ) ! _s su* z x 01 or is4 ,i c\ld n resi/ ! dang]\s maneuv] ( ask+ him1 at ! correct mom5t ( c\rse 7we 7 speak+ ( ! "t ( ! s*isms71 :at _h become ( ,eug5e ,lu!r4 8,:o80 ,! c(fee cup trembl$ 9 my h&4 ,i set x c>efully on ! table4 ,i wond]$ if 8 he>+ 0 s\nd4 ,i repeat$ my own "n1 long lo/ to me1 b m9e /ill 9 ! secret dimness ( memory4 8,i don't place ! "n4 ,0 he a fri5d ( ! ,lib]ator80 8,:y1 yes4 ,i ev5 us$ to "k him slightly b t 0 _m ye>s ago1 be=e y\r "t4 ,i'm curi\s to "k :at might h become ( him4 ,i suppose he's dead40 8,i'm sorry b ,i don't place ! "n40 ,he look$ at me ) "s int]e/4 8,i guess y mu/ be almo/ old en\gh to h se5 him40 ,i nodd$1 l[]+ my lids ) a /udi$ rev]5ce1 z ?\gh dazzl$ at ! recollection ( great light4 8,i saw him sev]al times40 8,boy1 ,i envy y6 ,!re ar5't _m left :o h se5 him ) _! own eyes4 ,:at 0 he l80 8,j l 8 photographs10 ,i said1 %ift+ ! l9e ( inquiry3 !re is always ! dang] t a trap is be+ prep>$ = me4 ,i 0 noncommittal1 pref]r+ to he> ,butl] talk ( himself4 ,=tunately1 he pref]r$ ?is too & = ne>ly an h\r ,i le>n$ z mu* z ,i %all ev] ne$ to "k ab\t ! life ( at lea/ "o ,communicator ( ,cavesword4 ,:ile he talk$1 ,i wat*$ him furtively = "s sign ( int5tion b !re 0 none t ,i c\ld detect2 yet ,i 0 suspici\s4 ,he _h n kn[n my "n & ,i c\ld n und]/& :at obscure motive might cause him to pret5d ignorance unless ( c\rse he does "k :o ,i am & wi%es to confuse me1 prep>atory to "s trap4 ,i excus$ myself soon aft]w>ds & w5t to my room1 aft] fir/ accept+ a copy ( ! newe/ ,te/am5t h&somely b\nd 9 ,pla/icon 7x looks l lea!r7 & promis+ to give him my old proscrib$ copy ! next day4 ,! fir/ ?+ t ,i did1 aft] lock+ ! door to my room1 0 to take ! book ov] to my desk & op5 x to ! index4 ,my eye travel$ d[n t column ( famili> names until x came to ! ,l's4 ,at fir/ ,i ?\ght t my eyes 7 play+ a trick ^u me4 ,i held ! page close to ! light1 wond]+ if ,i might n h begun to suff] delusions1 ! n unfamili> concomitant ( solitude & old age4 ,b my eyes 7 adequate & ! halluc9ation1 if real1 0 va/ly conv9c+3 my "n 0 no long] !re4 ,eug5e ,lu!r no long] exi/$ 9 t ,te/am5t :i* 0 l>gely 8 own composition4 ,i let ! book %ut ( itself1 z new books w4 ,i sat d[n at ! desk1 und]/&+ at la/ ! extraord9>y ignorance ( ,butl]3 ,i _h be5 oblit]at$ f hi/ory2 my place 9 "t eras$4 ,x 0 z if ,i _h nev] liv$4 ,,?ree #a ,i h _h 9 ! la/ few days "s difficulty 9 avoid+ ! company ( ,mr4 ,butl]4 ,=tunately1 he is n[ v mu* involv$ ) ! local function>ies & ,i am aga9 able to return to my n>rative4 ,i don't ?9k ,butl] has be5 s5t "h to assass9ate me b1 on ! o!r h&1 f c]ta9 ?+s he has said & n said1 ,i am by no means secure 9 8 ignorance2 h[ev]1 "o mu/ g on4 ,at be/1 x w be a race betwe5 him & ^? h>d5$ art]ies :i* span ! lobes ( my bra94 ,my only curiosity conc]ns ! arrival next week ( 8 colleague :o is1 ,i ga!r1 ( ! second g5]ation & ( a some:at booki% turn accord+ to ,butl] :o w\ld n1 ,i fe>1 be mu* ( a judge4 ,c]ta9 ?+s1 ?\gh1 :i* ,i h le>n$ dur+ ! la/ few days ab\t ,iris ,mortim] make me m ?an ev] wi% to recall our common ye>s z precisely z possible = :at ,i fe>$ might happ5 has inde$1 if ,butl] is to be believ$1 come to pass1 & x is n[ ) a full burd5 ( h9dsight t ,i revisit ! sc5es ( a half c5tury ago4 #b ,i _h got almo/ n[h]e ) my life ( ,julian4 ,i _h become disc\rag$ ) 8 p]sonality ?\gh 8 actual writ+s cont9u$ to delight me4 ,z x s (t5 happ5s 9 hi/ory ,i _h f\nd x difficult really to get at him3 ! human attractive "p ( ,julian 0 undone = me by ^? bleak errors 9 de$ & 9 judgm5t :i* depress$ me ev5 ?\gh !y d]iv$ mo/ logically f ! man & 8 "t3 t fatal w$d+ :i* f9ally walls (f figures ( e>li] ages f ! pres5t1 keep+ !m /range despite ! mo/ int5se & imag9ative recreation4 ,!y are n we4 ,we are n !y4 ,& ,i refus$ to resort to ! l[ trick ( fa%ion+ ,julian 9 my own image ( him4 ,i respect$ 8 integrity 9 "t & deplor$ ! division ( c5turies4 ,my "w at la/ came to a halt &1 some:at reliev$1 ,i clos$ my h\se 9 ! autumn ( ! ye> & travel$ we/ to ,cali=nia4 ,i _h a small income :i* made mode/ liv+ & c>eful travel easy = me 444 a =tunate /ate ( affairs s9ce1 9 my y\?1 ,i 0 ( an int5se disposition1 capable ( ! passions & viol5ce ( a ,rimbaud )\t1 =tunately1 ! w to translate !m into reality2 _h ,i _h m money1 or none1 ,i might h di$ "y1 leav+ beh9d ! brief memory ( a m9or romantici/4 ,z x 01 ,i _h a diff]5t role to play 9 ! com$y2 "o = :i* ,i 01 aft] "s ye>s ( read+ beside my natal riv]1 peculi>ly fitt$ to play4 ,i j\rney$ to s\!rn ,cali=nia :]e ,i _h n be5 s9ce my s]vice 9 "o ( ! w>s4 ,i _h nev] really explor$ t exotic l& & ,i 0 curi\s ab\t x1 m curi\s ?an ,i h ev] be5 be=e or s9ce ab\t any s+le "p ( ! _w4 ,egypt "o kn[s )\t visit+ x1 & ,*9a ! same2 b t "o area ( s&y bea*es & orange groves :i* circles ! city ( ,los ,angeles1 an artificial place creat$ f des]t & sure to lapse back aga9 into du/ ! mom5t "s national disa/] breaks its l9e ( life & ! wat]s no long] fl[1 has always fasc9at$ me4 ,i 0 ( c\rse int]e/$ 9 ! movies1 ?\gh !y no long] _h ! same hold ov] ! public imag9ation t !y _h _h 9 e>li] decades :5 a process ( film be=e light c\ld project1 l>g] ?an life1 n only on va/ scre5s b also ^u ! impressionable m9ds ( an enorm\s audi5ce made homog5e\s by a common passion1 %ad[y figures :i*1 l ! filmy envelopes ( ! /oic deities1 float$ to e>? 9 public dreams1 sugge/+ a brav] m p]fect _w :]e love reign$ & only ! wick$ di$4 ,b !n "t pass$ & ! new deities lo/ _! wor%ip]s3 !re 7 too _m gods & ! devotees got too us$ to !m1 realiz+ f9ally t !y 7 only mortals1 involv$ n 9 magical rites b 9 a sordid bus9ess4 ,television 7! home alt>7 succe$$ ! movies & _! once popul\s & ornate temples1 model$ ta/efully on b>oque & ,byzant9e !mes1 fell empty1 ! old gods mov+ to jo9 ! new hi]>*ies1 becom+ ! dome/icat$ godl+s ( television :i*1 al?\gh x held ! att5tion ( ! majority ( ! population1 did n enrapture1 did n possess dreams or %ape days ) long+ & ) secret imag9+s ! way ! classic figures ( an e>li] "t _h4 ,?\gh ,i 0 ( an age to recall ! gallant days ( ! movies1 ! ne>ly my?ical p[] :i* !y _h held = millions ( p1 n all simple1 ,i 0 n really int]e/$ 9 t aspect ( ,cali=nia4 ,i 0 m intrigu$ by ! mann]s1 by ! cults1 by ! works ( ?is coa/al p s unlike ! old] _w ( ! ,ea/ & s antipa!tic to our race's fir/ home 9 ,europe4 ,ne$less to say1 ,i f\nd !m mu* l ev]yone else1 except = m9or diff]5ces ( no real consequ5ce4 ,i /ay$ at a l>ge hotel n too happily balanc$ 9 design betwe5 ! m>ble-&-pott$-palm dcor ( ! ,cont95tal ,hotel 9 ,p>is & ! *rome & glass ( an obs]vation c> on a new] tra94 ,i unpack$1 telephon$ fri5ds mo/ ( :om 7 n home4 ,! "o :om at la/ ,i f\nd 9 0 ! "o ,i knew ! lea/1 a m9or film writ] :o _h m>ri$ money ) great success & _h1 mo/ altrui/ically1 giv5 up ! composition ( films = :i* ! rema9+ movie-go]s 7 no d\bt ?ankful4 ,he devot$ 8 "t to assi/+ 8 wife 9 becom+ ! fir/ ho/ess ( ,bev]ly ,hills4 ,%e _h1 ,i recall$ f "o e>li] meet+1 ! m9d ( a *ild ( twelve1 b an extremely active *ild & a good "o4 ,ha/+s1 su* 0 ! writ]'s "n 7h] "n 0 ei!r ,e!l or ,val]ie1 two names :i* ,i always confuse due to a p>ticul>ly revolution>y c\rse ,i once took 9 mnemonics71 invit$ me imm$iately to a p>ty4 ,i w5t4 ,x seem$ l spr+ ?\gh x 0 autumn1 & x seem$ l an assortm5t ( gue/s br\ght toge!r 9 a %ip's d9+ room to celebrate ,new ,ye>'s ,eve ?\gh1 9 fact1 ! ga!r+ 0 l>gely made up ( close acqua9tances4 ,s9ce ,i knew almo/ no "o1 ,i _h a spl5did "t4 ,my ho/ess1 beyond a brilliant greet+1 a gold figure all 9 gre5 ) gold du/ 9 h] hair1 left me alone4 ,ha/+s 0 m solicit\s1 a n]v\s gray man ) a spee* imp$im5t :i* took ! =m ( a r *>m+ sign be=e any ^w :i* began ) an aspirate4 8,we1 ah1 h a bett] place com+ up4 ,f>!r up ! m\nta9s ) a m>vel\s view ( !1 ah1 :ole city4 ,y w love x1 ,g5e4 ,ah1 hav5't sign$ a lease yet1 b soon40 ,:ile we talk$ he /e]$ me ?r\gh ! cr[ds ( h&some & biz>re p 7none ( !m 0 f ,cali=nia ,i discov]$3 mo/ 7 ,c5tral ,europeans or ,briti%2 ^? :o 7 n pret5d$ to be "o or ! o!r2 "s s\nd$ l bo?74 ,i 0 introduc$ to magnific5t girls exactly l _! movie selves b s9ce !y all t5d$ to look a great deal alike1 ! effect 0 someh[ spoil$4 ,b ,i 0 a t\ri/ & n critical4 ,i told a /rik+ blonde t %e w\ld inde$ be excell5t 9 a musical extravaganza bas$ ^u ,! ,sea ,gull4 ,%e ?\ght s too & my ho/ & ,i mov$ on to ! patio4 ,beside a jade-gre5 pool illum9at$ f b5ea? 7& a little dirty1 ,i notic$1 ) leaves float+ ^u ! wat]3 ! dcor 0 becom+ t>ni%$1 ! sets _h be5 us$ too long & ne$$ /rik+4 ,hollywood 0 becom+ old )\t di/9ction71 a few ( ! quiet] gue/s sat 9 :ite iron *airs :ile pap] lant]ns gl[$ prettily on ! palms & ev]y:]e1 untidily1 grew roses1 jasm9e & lilac3 x 0 a fanta/ic g>d51 all out ( season & out ( place4 ,! gue/s beside ! pool 7 mu* ! same2 except = "o3 ,cl>issa4 8,y "k ea* o!r80 ,ha/+s' voice1 fa9tly pleas$1 0 dr[n$ by our greet+s & ,i 0 pull$ into a *air by ,cl>issa :o _h elect$ to dress h]self l an odalisque :i* made h] look1 consequ5tly1 m indig5\s ?an any ( ! o!r gue/s2 ?is 0 p]haps h] g5ius3 h] m>vel\s adaptiv5ess4 8,we'll be q happy "h10 said ,cl>issa1 wav+ our ho/ away4 8,g & abuse y\r o!r gue/s40 ,ha/+s trott$ (f2 ^? :o _h be5 talk+ to ,cl>issa talk$ to !mselves & b5ea? a flick]+ lant]n ! lights ( ,los ,angeles1 reveal$ 9 a w$ge betwe5 two hills1 add$ ! prop] note ( lunacy1 = at ! angle f :i* ,i view$ ^? lights !y seem$ to =m a mon/] ,*ri/mas tree1 pois$ crazily 9 ! d>kness4 ,cl>issa & ,i ex*ang$ notes on ! mon?s t _h int]v5$ s9ce our lun*eon4 8,& y gave up ,julian1 too80 8,yes 444 b :y 'too'80 ,i 0 irritat$ by ! implication t ,i gave up all ?+s be=e !y 7 prop]ly done4 8,i feel y don't f9i% ?+s1 ,eug5e4 ,n t y %\ld2 b ,i d worry ab\t y40 8,x's good ( y10 ,i said1 discov]+ t at a c]ta9 angle ! ,*ri/mas tree c\ld be made to resemble a rocket's fl>e arre/$ 9 space4 8,n[ don't take t tone ) me4 ,i h y\r int]e/ at he>t40 ,%e express$ h]self ) e sign ( s9c]ity 9 t curi\s flat language :i* %e spoke s flu5tly yet :i* /ruck ^u ! e> untruly1 z ?\gh x 71 9 its homel9ess1 ! highe/ artifice4 8,b ,i've tak5 c>e ( ev]y?+1 y "k4 ,wait & see4 ,if y hadn't come out "h on y\r own ,i %\ld h s5t = y44440 8,& ,i w\ld h come80 8,naturally40 ,%e smil$4 8,b = :at80 8,= 444 %e's "h4 ,9 ,los ,angeles40 8,y mean t girl :o came to lun*80 ,i disguis$ my int]e/1 b ,cl>issa1 ignor+ me1 w5t on talk+ z en]getically & z obliquely z ev]4 8,%e's ask$ = y sev]al times1 :i* is a good sign4 ,i told h] ,i suspect$ y'd be along b t "o nev] c\ld tell1 especially if y 7 /ill ti$ up ) ,julian1 unlikely z t prospect 040 8,b ,i d f9i% "s ?+s40 8,i'm sure y d4 ,9 any case1 ! girl has be5 "h ov] a mon? & y mu/ see h] z soon z possible40 8,i'd l to40 8,( c\rse y w\ld4 ,i /ill h my plot1 y "k4 ,oh1 y may ?9k ,i =get ?+s b ,i don't3 my m9d is a p]fect fil+ sy/em40 8,c\ld y tell me j :at y are talk+ ab\t80 ,%e *uckl$ & wagg$ a f+] at me4 8,soon y'll "k4 ,i "k ,i m$dle a good deal1 m ?an ,i %\ld1 b aft] all ?is "t x w\ld be simply impossible = me n to int]f]e4 ,i see x com+1 "o ( ^? really excit+ mom5ts & ,i want j to give x a tickle "h1 a pu% !re to set x roll+4 ,oh1 :at fun x w be60 ,ha/+s crept back among u1 diffid5tly pu%+ a /> & a produc] 9 our direction4 8,i ?9k y all ought to "k ea* o!r1 ,cl>issa 444 &1 ah1 ,g5e too4 ,?is is ,miss 444 & ,mr 444 & "h 9 ,hollywood 444 :5 y get to ,new ,york 444 h\se on ! riv]1 wond]ful1 old 444 new film to co/ five million 444 runn]-up = ! ,academy ,aw>d40 ,he did x all v well1 ,i ?\ght4 ,smiles gleam$ 9 ! patio's half-light4 ,! />'s pa/e jewels1 borr[$ f h] /udio1 glimm]$ l an airl9]'s light$ w9d[s4 ,i mov$ t[>d ! h\se1 b ,cl>issa's high voice re/ra9$ me at ! door3 8,y'll call ,iris tomorr[1 won't y80 & %e %\t$ an ex*ange & a numb]4 ,i wav$ to %[ t ,i'd he>d h] !n1 v[+ ,i w\ld nev] telephone ,iris1 ,i rejo9$ ! p>ty & wat*$ ) fasc9ation z ! v>i\s p]=m]s p]=m$ 9 ! liv+ room to ! accompanim5t ( a gr& piano j b>ely out ( tune4 #c ,i wait$ sev]al days be=e ,i telephon$ ,iris4 ,days ( consid]able activity1 ( visit+ fri5ds & acqua9tances1 ( att5d+ p>ties :]e ! gue/s 7 precisely ! same z ! ones ,i _h met at ,ha/+s' h\se3 e "o ( !m b5t ^u combat+ bor$om ) bor$om1 creat+ a des]t 9 a dry l&4 ,b ,i 0 capable ( evok+ mirages :i* decorat$ = me _! des]t1 made unusual 7= myself at lea/7 :at1 ) famili>ity1 might become impossible4 ,i met ,iris at ! h\se :]e %e 0 /ay+ ne> ! ma9 bea* ( ,santa ,monica3 a fairly decor\s ,spani% h\se1 quiet among palms & close to ! sea4 ,! day 0 vivid2 ! sea made noise2 ! w9d 0 g5tle1 smell+ ( salt & f> c\ntries4 ,i p>k$ my r5t$ c> & walk$ ar\nd to ! sea side ( ! h\se4 ,iris came =w>d to meet me1 smil+1 h& out/ret*$1 h] face :i* ,i _h rememb]$ z be+ rem>kably pale 0 flu%$ ) sunlight4 8,i hop$ y'd come10 %e said1 & %e slipp$ h] arm 9 m9e z ?\gh we'd be5 old fri5ds & l$ me to a deck *air adjo9+ ! "o :]e %e'd be5 seat$1 read+4 ,we sat d[n4 8,fri5ds let me h ?is place4 ,!y w5t to ,mexico = two mon?s & l5t me ! h\se40 8,useful fri5ds40 8,ar5't !y8 ,i've already put d[n roots "h 9 ! s& & ,i'll hate to give x back40 8,don't40 8,ah1 w\ldn't x be wond]ful40 ,%e smil$ vaguely & look$ beyond me at ! fla% ( sea 9 ! flat di/ance4 ,an automobile horn s\nd$ ?r\gh ! palms2 a "m call$ h] *ild3 we 7 a "p ( ! _w1 ev5 "h4 8,cl>issa told me y've be5 out sev]al mon?s40 ,iris nodd$4 8,i came back4 ,i ?9k ,i told y ,i 0 go+ to40 8,to see ! man80 8,w\ld y l some?+ to dr9k80 ,%e *ang$ ! subject ) a disconc]t+ %ift ( h] gaze f ! ocean to me1 h] eyes /ill dazzl$ ) ! brilliance ( light on wat]4 ,i look$ away & %ook my head4 8,too e>ly 9 ! day4 ,b ,i want to take y to d9n] tonight1 if ,i may4 ,some:]e along ! coa/40 8,i'd l x v mu*40 8,d y "k ( a place80 ,%e sugge/$ sev]al4 ,!n we w5t inside & %e %[$ me a room :]e ,i might *ange into my ba?+ suit2 we 7 to swim4 ,we walk$ ?r\gh ! trees to ! ma9 road on ! o!r side ( :i* ! bea* gl[$ :ite 9 ! sun4 ,x 0 des]t$ at ?is po9t al?\gh1 9 ! di/ance1 o!r ba!rs c\ld be se51 t9y figures black aga9/ ! />tl+ :ite1 mov+ ab\t l insects on a :ite clo?4 ,= a "t we swam cont5t$ly1 n speak+1 n ?9k+1 our v>i\s urg5cies 7or _! lack7 no long] impos$ ^u ! mom5t4 ,at su* times1 9 ^? days1 ,i 0 able ?r\gh ! body's /r5u\s use to r$uce ! mis]able dem&s ( ! ye>n+ self to a complac5t h>mony1 ) all ?+s 9 prop] proportion3 a "p ( ! :ole & n ! :ole itself1 ?\gh1 metaphorically speak+1 p]haps t :i* conceives reality is reality itself4 ,b su* nice divisions & di/9ctions 7 ( no conc]n to me t aft]noon 9 ! sun1 swimm+ ) ,iris1 ! me*anism :i* spoils "t ) que/ion+ swit*$ (f by ! body's euphoria4 ,& yet1 = all ?is1 no clos] to "o ano!r1 no wis] ab\t "o ano!r 9 any precise s5se1 we drove t ev5+ 9 sil5ce to a re/aurant ( h] *oos+ on ! bea* to ! nor?3 a ram%ackle place fill$ ) c&lelight1 ! smell ( t>1 old nets3 8atmosph]e0 :i* 0 ne>ly au!ntic4 ,aft] w9e & fi% & c(fee1 we talk$4 8,cl>issa is br++ u toge!r40 ,i nodd$1 accept+ ! pla9 /atem5t z a fact4 8,! mat*mak+ in/9ct is1 ,i suppose44440 8,n t at all40 ,h] face 0 9 a half-light & look$ z x _h :5 we fir/ met3 pale1 )drawn1 all ! day's color dra9$ out ( x4 ,above ! sea1 ,orion's belt dipp$ 9 ! deep sky4 ,! ev5+ /> all silv] set4 ,we 7 e>ly & _h ?is place to ourselves4 8,!n :at8 ,cl>issa's motives are always cle>1 at lea/ to h]self4 ,%e nev] does any?+ t doesn't contribute to "s private design 444 ?\gh :at %e's up to half ! "t ,i don't d>e guess40 ,iris smil$4 8,nor ,i4 ,b %e is at lea/ up to some?+ :i* conc]ns u bo? & ,i'm n sure t %e may n be "r1 ab\t ! two ( u1 ,i mean 444 ?\gh ( c\rse x's too soon to say40 ,i 0 conv5tional en\gh at fir/ to assume t ,iris 0 speak+ ( ourselves1 mo/ boldly1 9 t]ms ( "s emotional atta*m5t & ,i wond]$ n]v\sly h[ ,i might indicate )\t emb>rassm5t to h] t ,i 0 effectively )drawn f all sexuality & t1 :ile my emotions 7 9 no way impair$1 ,i _h be5 =c$ to accept a physical limitation to any act ( affection :i* ,i might direct at ano!r2 consequ5tly1 ,i avoid$ z well z ,i c\ld ^? situations :i* might betray me1 & di/ress ano!r4 ,?\gh ,i h nev] be5 unduly griev$ by ?is incompletion1 ,i _h come to realize only too well f sev]al disquiet+ episodes 9 my y\? t ?is flaw 9 me possess$ ! unanticipat$ p[] ( %att]+ o!rs :o1 unw>ily1 _h mov$ to jo9 ) me 9 ! traditional duet only to f9d an implacable surface :]e !y _h anticipat$ a creature ( fle% l !mselves1 z eag] z !y1 z gov]n$ by ! blood's solemn tide3 ,i _h caus$ pa9 aga9/ my w & ,i did n want ,iris hurt4 ,=tunately1 ,iris _h begun to move into a diff]5t1 an unexpect$ conjunction ) me1 "o :i* _h 9 x no?+ ( ! famili> or ev5 ( ! human3 x 0 9 t h\r b5ea? ,orion's glitt] t we 71 )\t w>n+1 toge!r volatiliz$ onto t ar*etypal plane :]e we 7 to play ) su* f]ocity at be+ gods1 a flaw$ ,m]cury & a d>k que5 ( heav51 met at ! sea's edge1 disguis$ z human be+s b consci\s ( "o ano!r's true id5tity = ?\gh our spee*es1 our arias 7 all prose1 b5ea? ! usual talk recognition _h occurr$1 s\nd+ ) ! deep resonance ( a major *ord /ruck among dissonances4 ,we cross$ ! fir/ division easily4 ,%e 01 9 h] way1 z remov$ z ,i f ! fle%'s wild ne$ to repeat itself 9 pleasure4 ,!re 0 no ne$ = u ev] to discuss my fir/ appreh5sion4 ,we 7 able to =get ourselves1 to ignore ! mortal c>riage4 ,! ritual began simply en\gh4 8,cl>issa kn[s :at is happ5+ "h4 ,t's :y %e has come ,we/1 ?\gh %e c't be> ,cali=nia4 ,%e wants to be 9 on x ! way %e's 9 on ev]y?+ else1 or ?9ks %e is40 8,y mean ,john ,cave1 y\r magus80 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t ,i _h ev] said t "n3 ! sword 0 betwe5 u n[1 bo? edges %>p4 8,y guess$8 or did %e tell y t 0 :y ,i came back80 8,i assum$ x4 ,i rememb]$ :at y said to me la/ spr+40 8,he is m ?an 444 magus1 ,eug5e40 ,& ?is 0 ! fir/ "t %e _h said my "n3 clos]1 clos]4 ,i wait$4 8,y w see him40 ,i c\ld n tell if ?is 0 int5d$ z a "q or a prophecy4 ,i nodd$4 ,%e cont9u$ to talk1 h] eyes on m9e1 int5se & %9+4 ,ov] h] %\ld] ! night 0 black & all ! />s fl>$ twice1 once 9 ! sky & aga9 ^u ! :isp]+ smoo? ocean at our feet1 "o real & "o illusion3 bo? light4 8,x is really happ5+10 %e said & !n1 delib]ately1 %e light5$ h] voice4 8,y'll see :5 y meet him4 ,i "k ( c\rse t !re h be5 ?\s&s ( ^! prophets1 ^! saviors 9 e c\ntry & 9 e "t4 ,i also "k t ?is "p ( ,am]ica is p>ticul>ly kn[n = religi\s maniacs4 ,i />t$ ) e prejudice1 j l y40 8,n prejudice 444 skepticism3 p]haps indiff]5ce4 ,ev5 if he %\ld be an effective "o1 "o ( ! *os5 gods & wond]-work]s1 %\ld ,i c>e8 ,i mu/ w>n y1 ,iris1 t ,i'm n a believ]4 ,& ?\gh ,i'm sure t ! revelations ( o!r m5 mu/ be a s\rce ( inf9ite satisfaction to !m1 individually1 ,i %\ldn't = "o second be s presumptu\s z to make a *oice among ! _m ?\s&s ( record$ revelations ( tru?1 accept+ "o at ! exp5se ( all ! o!rs3 ,i might s easily *oose wrong & get into et]nal tr\ble4 ,& y mu/ admit t ! selection is wide1 & dang]\s to ! amateur40 8,y're mak+ fun ( me10 said ,iris1 b %e seem$ to realize t ,i 0 approa*+ ! object 9 my own way4 8,he's n l t at all40 8,b obvi\sly if he is to be useful he mu/ be accept$ & he c't be accept$ )\t ext5d+ 8 revelation or :atev] he calls x & ,i fail to see h[ he c communicate1 %ort ( hypnotism or drugs1 ! s5se ( 8 vision to someone l myself :o1 9 a sloppy b devot$ way1 has w&]$ ?r\gh hi/ory & religion1 acquir+ ) a collector's delight ! m colorful & obscure manife/ations ( div9e guidance1 reveal$ to u ?r\gh ! inspir$ sy/ems ( philosoph]s & div9es1 n to m5tion su* c]tifi$ prophets z ! cu/odians ( ! ,sibyll9e books4 ',illo die ho/em ,romanorum esse p]iturum' 0 ! in/ruction giv5 poor ,max5tius :5 he m>*$ aga9/ ,con/ant9e3 ne$less to say he p]i%$ & consequ5tly fulfill$ ! prophecy by himself becom+ ! enemy ( ,rome1 to 8 surprise ,i suspect4 ,my po9t1 ?\gh1 9 honor+ y ) ! only complete ,lat9 s5t5ce :i* ,i c ev] recall is t at no "t c we escape ! relativity ( our judgm5ts4 ,tru? = u1 :e!r inspir$ by messianic fr5zy or m]ely illum9at$ by reason1 is1 aft] all1 incon/ant & subject to *ange ) ! h\r4 ,y believe n[ :atev] x is ?is man says4 ,spl5did4 ,b w ! belief be true to y at ano!r h\r ( y\r life8 ,i wond]4 ,= ev5 if y wi% to rema9 consi/5t & *oose to ignore inconv5i5t evid5ce 9 ! /yle ( ! truly devot$1 ! truly pi\s1 w n y\r prophet himself h *ang$ ) "t's passage8 = no human be+ c rema9 ! same1 despite ! repetition (44440 8,en\gh1 en\gh60 %e laugh$ al\d & put h] h& betwe5 u z ?\gh to /op ! words 9 air4 8,y're talk+ su* nons5se40 8,p]haps4 ,x's n at all easy to say :at "o ?9ks :5 x comes to ^! problems or1 = t matt]1 to any problem :i* dem&s articulation4 ,sometimes "o is undone by ! fl[ ( words assum+ its own direction1 c>ry+ "o1 prote/+1 away f ! anticipat$ %ore to t]ra incognita4 ,o!r times1 at ! climax ( a p>ticul>ly tell+ analogy1 "o is aw>e t 9 ! success ( words ! mean+ has got lo/4 ,put x ?is way1 f9ally1 accurately3 ,i accept no man's au?ority 9 t realm :]e we are all equally ignorant4 ,! beg9n+ & ! end ( creation are n our conc]n4 ,! ev5tual disposition ( ! human p]sonality :i* we treasure 9 our conceit z be+ among ! m poignant ornam5ts ( an envi\s univ]se is unkn[n to u & %all s rema9 until we le>n ! trick ( rais+ ! dead4 ,god1 or :at h y1 w n be f\nd at ! f> end ( a syllogism1 no matt] h[ brilliantly phras$ & conceiv$4 ,we are prison]s 9 our fle%1 dull>ds 9 div9ity z ! ,greeks w\ld say4 ,no man c alt] ?is ?\gh ( c\rse human be+s c be made to believe any?+4 ,y c tea* t fire is cold & ice is hot b no?+ *anges except ! words4 ,s :at c y\r magus d8 ,:at c he celebrate except t :i* is visible & app>5t to all eyes8 ,:at c he (f] me t ,i %\ld accept 8 au?ority1 & its s\rce80 ,%e sigh$1 8,i'm n sure he wants any?+ = himself2 acceptance1 au?ority 444 "o doesn't ?9k ( su* ?+s1 at lea/ n n[4 ,z = 8 speak+ ) ! voice ( "s new or old deity1 he d5ies ! reality ( any p[] o!r ?an ! human44440 8,a /range sort ( messiah40 8,i've be5 try+ to tell y ?is40 ,%e smil$4 8,he s\nds at times n unlike y j n[ 444 n s glib p]haps40 8,n[ y mock me40 8,no m ?an y des]ve = assum+ facts )\t evid5ce40 8,if he ?r[s ov] all ! my/ical baggage :at is left8 an e?ical sy/em80 8,9 "t1 ,i suppose1 t w come4 ,s f> !re is no sy/em4 ,y'll see = y\rself soon en\gh40 8,y've yet to answ] any direct "q ,i h put to y40 ,%e laugh$4 8,p]haps !re is a significance 9 t2 p]haps y ask ! wrong que/ions44440 8,& p]haps y h no answ]s40 8,wait40 8,= h[ long80 ,%e look$ at h] wat* by ! c&les' unc]ta9 light4 8,= an h\r40 8,y mean we're to see him tonight80 8,unless y'd r n40 8,oh1 ,i want to see him1 v mu*40 8,he'll want to see y too1 ,i ?9k40 ,%e look$ at me ?\ghtfully b ,i c\ld n guess h] int5tion2 x 0 en\gh t two l9es _h cross$1 bo? mov+ inexorably t[>d a ?ird1 t[>d a tempor>y t]m9us at ! progression's he>t4 #d ,x is difficult n[ to recall j :at ,i expect$4 ,iris delib]ately *ose n to give me any cle> idea ( ei!r ! man or ( 8 tea*+s or ev5 ( ! meet+ :i* we 7 to att5d2 we talk$ ( o!r ?+s z we drove 9 ! />light nor? along ! ocean road1 ! s\nd ( waves /rik+ s& l\d 9 our e>s4 ,x 0 ne>ly an h\r's drive f ! re/aurant to ! place :]e ! meet+ 0 to be held4 ,iris direct$ me accurately & we soon turn$ f ! ma9 highway into a neon-light$ /reet2 !n (f into a suburban area ( com=table-look+ middle-class h\ses ) g>d5s4 ,trees l9$ ! /reets2 dogs b>k$2 yell[ light gleam$ at d[n/airs w9d[s4 ,sil5t families 7 ga!r$ 9 aft]-d9n] solemnity be=e television sets1 absorb$ by ! spectacle ( figures s++1 danc+ & tell+ jokes4 ,z we drove d[n ! empty /reets1 ,i saw ru9s & du/ :]e h\ses 7 &1 among ! p[d]y debris ( /ucco all 9 m\nds1 ! ru/$ ant5nae ( television sets l ! bones ( awful bea/s ^: vague b t]rible proportions w alone survive to attract ! unborn /rang]'s eye4 ,b ! loa?+ ( "o's own "t is a sign ( innoc5ce1 ( fai?4 ,i h come s9ce to realize ! :ol5ess ( man 9 "t4 ,t ye>1 p]haps t ride d[n a des]t$ ev5+ /reet ( a ,cali=nia suburb1 0 my la/ consci\s mom5t ( p>ticul> disgu/3 television1 ! ,blues & ! ,gre5s1 ! p]fidy ( ,c>?age1 ! efficacy ( rites to ! moon 444 all 7 at la/ ! same4 8,t h\se ov] !re1 ) ! light 9 front1 ) ! clock40 ,! h\se1 to my surprise1 0 a l>ge neo-,georgian fun]al p>lor ) a light$ clock 9 front cr[n$ by a leg5d discreetly fa%ion$ 9 ,go?ic gold on black3 ,:ittak] & ,dorm]1 ,fun]al ,directors4 ,a doz5 c>s _h be5 p>k$ closely toge!r 9 ! /reet & ,i 0 =c$ to p>k ne>ly a block away4 ,we walk$ along ! sidewalk1 /reet lamps beh9d trees ca/ %ad[s ?ick & intricate ^u ! pavem5t4 8,is !re any p>ticul> significance80 ,i ask$4 8,i mean 9 ! *oice ( meet+ place80 ,%e %ook h] head4 8,n really1 no4 ,we meet :]ev] x's conv5i5t4 ,mr ,dorm] is "o ( u & has k9dly (f]$ 8 *apel = ! meet+s40 8,is !re any sort ( ritual ,i %\ld obs]ve80 ,%e laugh$4 8,( c\rse n4 ,?is isn't at all :at y ?9k40 8,i ?9k no?+40 8,!n y are prep>$4 ,i %\ld tell y1 ?\gh1 t until ?is ye> :5 a numb] ( patrons made x possible = him0 7already ,i c\ld id5tify ! 8him0 :5ev] x fell f h] lips1 r\nd ) rev]5ce & implication7 8to devote all 8 "t to tea*+1 he 0 = t5 ye>s an und]tak]'s assi/ant 9 ,oregon & ,wa%+ton40 ,i said no?+4 ,x 0 j z well to get pa/ ?is fir/ ob/acle all at once4 ,!re 0 no reason ( c\rse to scorn t necess>y if ov]wr\ght pr(ession2 yet someh[ ! ?\ght ( a savior em]g+ f ^? unctu\s =maldehyde-smell+ ranks seem$ ludicr\s4 ,i rem9d$ myself t "o ( ! m successful messiahs _h be5 a c>p5t] & t ano!r _h be5 a politician 444 b an embalm]6 ,my anticipation ( great news 0 *ill$2 ,i prep>$ myself = grim com$y4 ,iris w\ld tell me no?+ m ab\t ! meet+ or ab\t him z we cross$ ! lawn4 ,%e op5$ ! door to ! h\se & we /epp$ into a s(tly light$ ant]oom4 ,a policeman & a civilian1 ! "o gloomy & ! o!r *e]ful1 greet$ u4 8,ah1 ,miss ,mortim]60 said ! civilian1 a gray1 plump pigeon ( a man4 8,& a fri5d1 h[ good to see y bo?40 ,no ?is 0 n he4 ,i 0 introduc$ to ,mr4 ,dorm] :o *irp$ on until he 0 int]rupt$ by ! policeman4 8,come on1 y two1 9 "h4 ,got to get ! pr9ts & ! oa?40 ,iris motion$ me to foll[ ! policeman into a sid]oom1 an (fice4 ,i'd he>d ( ?is national precaution b until n[ ,i _h _h no direct exp]i5ce ( x4 ,s9ce ! attempt ( ! communi/s to control our society _h1 ) ! collapse ( ,russian =eign policy1 q fail$1 our gov]nm5t 9 its collective wisdom _h decid$ t nev] aga9 w\ld any sect or p>ty1 o!r ?an ! traditional ones1 be all[$ to int]rupt ! ri* fl[ ( ! nation's life4 ,z a result1 all deviationi/ societies 7 c>efully wat*$ by ! police :o f+]pr9t$ & photograph$ ^? :o att5d$ meet+s1 simultane\sly exact+ an oa? ( allegiance to ! ,con/itution & ! ,flag :i* end$ ) t p[]ful invocation :i* a rec5t presid5t's spee* writ] _h1 9 a mom5t ( inspiration1 /ruck (f to ! delight ( 8 employ] & nation3 8,9 a true democracy !re is no place = any disagreem5t on truly great issues40 ,x is a comm5t on ^? ye>s1 n[ happily become hi/ory1 t only a few ev] consid]$ ! mean+ ( ?is resolution1 prov+ ( c\rse t words are nev] a famili> prov9ce to ! great mass :i* pref]s recognizable pictures to ev5 ! mo/ apposite prose4 ,iris & ,i repeat$ dutifully 9 ! pres5ce ( ! policeman & an ,am]ican flag1 ! v>i\s national s5tim5ts4 ,we 7 !n all[$ to g back to ! ant]oom & to ,mr4 ,dorm] :o himself l$ u into ! *apel4 ,sev]al doz5 p 7 already !re1 p]fectly ord9>y-look+ m5 & wom51 bett] dress$ p]haps ?an ! av]age4 ,! *apel 0 a nonsect>ian "o :i* manag$ to comb9e a numb] ( decorative influ5ces ) a bl&ness q rem>kable 9 its success at n really repres5t+ any?+ :ile sugge/+1 at ! same "t1 ev]y?+4 ,! pres5ce ( a dead body1 a man c>efully pa9t$ & we>+ a blue s]ge suit1 g5tly smil+ 9 an ebony casket beh9d a bank ( fl[]s at ! *apel's end1 did n detract z mu* z "o might h suppos$ f ! occasion's importance4 ,aft] ! fir/ uneas9ess1 x 0 q possible to accept ! anonym\s dead man z a "p ( ! dcor4 ,!re 0 ev51 9 lat] ye>s1 an attempt made by a gr\p ( ,cavite en?usia/s to insi/ ^u ! pres5ce ( an embalm$ corpse at e s]vice b =tunately ! m practical elem5ts among ! ,cavites prevail$1 ?\gh n )\t an ugly qu>rel & h>% words4 ,john ,cave's entrance foll[$ our own by a few m9utes & x is ) difficulty t ,i recall :at x 0 t ,i felt on see+ him = ! fir/ "t4 ,?\gh my recollections are well-kn[n to all 7at lea/ !y 7 well-kn[n1 al?\gh n[ ,i am less c]ta91 hav+ se5 ,butl]'s ,te/am5t s /rangely alt]$71 ,i mu/ record "h t ,i _c1 aft] s _m ye>s1 s mu* hi/ory1 recall 9 any emotional detail my fir/ reaction to ?is man :o 0 to be ! _w's1 z well z my own1 peculi> nemesis4 ,b1 conc5trat+ fi]cely1 empty+ my m9d ( lat] k1 ,i c /ill see him z he walk$ d[n ! aisle ( ! *apel1 a small man :o mov$ ) "s grace4 ,he 0 y\ng] ?an ,i'd expect$ or1 r1 y\ng]-look+1 ) %ort /raight hair1 light br[n 9 color1 a lean regul> face :i* w\ld n h be5 notic$ 9 a cr[d unless "o _h got close en\gh to see ! expression ( ! eyes3 ! l>ge div] eyes ) black la%es l a ?ick l9e drawn on ! pale sk91 focus+ att5tion to !m1 to ! cong5itally small pupils :i* glitt]$ l ! po9ts ( black ne$les1 betray+ ! w & ! ambition :i* ! impassive1 g5tle face beli$ 444 b ,i am speak+ ) future k n[3 ,i did n t ev5+ ?9k ( ambition or w 9 t]ms ( ,john ,cave4 ,i 0 m]ely curi\s1 intrigu$ by ! situation1 by ! int5sity ( ,iris1 by ! s]5e corpse beh9d ! banks ( ho?\se fl[]s1 by ! ?irty or =ty m5 & wom5 :o sat close to ! front ( ! *apel1 li/5+ int5tly to ,cave z he talk$4 ,at fir/ ,i paid little att5tion to :at 0 be+ said1 m int]e/$ 9 obs]v+ ! audi5ce1 ! room & ! appe>ance ( ! speak]4 ,imm$iately aft] 8 undramatic entrance he _h mov$ to ! front ( ! *apel & sat d[n on a gilt *air to ! "r ( ! c(f92 !re 0 a fa9t :isp] ( int]e/ at 8 appe>ance3 newcom]s l myself 7 be+ giv5 la/-m9ute in/ruction by ! habitus :o _h br\ght !m !re4 ,cave sat easily on ! gilt *air1 8 eyes ^u ! floor1 8 small h&s1 bony & :ite1 fold$ 9 8 lap1 a smile on 8 n>r[ lips3 he c\ld n h look$ m ineffectual1 m ord9>y4 ,8 op5+ words by no means alt]$ ?is fir/ impression4 ,! voice1 z he spoke1 0 good1 ?\gh he t5d$ to mumble at ! beg9n+1 8 eyes /ill on ! floor1 8 h&s 9 8 lap1 motionless4 ,s quietly did he beg9 t he _h spok5 = sev]al seconds be=e _m ( ! audi5ce 7 aw>e t he _h begun4 ,8 acc5t 0 ! national "o1 le>n$ d\btless f ! radio & ! movies3 a neutral pronunciation )\t any /rong regional ov]tone4 ,! popul> if %ort-liv$ leg5d ( ! next decade t he _h begun 8 mission z a backwoods revivali/ 0 c]ta9ly untrue4 ,n until he _h talk$ = sev]al m9utes1 did ,i beg9 to li/5 to ! s5se r ?an to ! tone ( 8 voice4 ,i _c r5d] precisely :at he said b ! message t night 0 n mu* diff]5t f ! subsequ5t ones :i* are kn[n to all4 ,x 01 f9ally1 ! mann] :i* creat$ ! response1 n ! words !mselves1 ?\gh ! words 7 int]e/+ en\gh1 especially :5 he>d = ! fir/ "t4 ,8 voice1 z ,i h said1 falt]$ unsurely at ! beg9n+ & he left s5t5ces unf9i%$1 a trick :i* ,i lat] discov]$ 0 delib]ate = he _h be5 born a rem>kable actor1 an in/9ctive rhetorician4 ,:at mo/ /ruck me t fir/ ev5+ 0 ! pure/ artifice ( 8 p]=mance4 ,! voice1 especially :5 he came to 8 climax1 0 %>p & cle> :ile 8 h&s /irr$ l sep>ate liv+ creatures & ! eyes1 ^? spl5did unique eyes1 7 abruptly reveal$ to u 9 ! fa9t light1 display$ at t crucial mom5t :i* _h be5 z c>efully con/ruct$ z any "w ( ar*itecture or ( music3 ! in/ant ( communication4 ,aga9/ my w & judgm5t & incl9ation1 ,i f\nd myself absorb$ by ! man1 n able to move or to react4 ,! same magic :i* 0 always to affect me1 ev5 :5 lat] ,i knew him only too well1 held me fix$ to my *air z ! words1 support$ by ! cle> voice1 came 9 a resonant l9e f him to me alone1 to ea* ( u alone1 sep>ate f ! o!rs 444 & bo? re/less mass & fa/-brea?+ p>ticul> 7 toge!r 84 ,! mom5t itself la/$ only a second 9 actual "t2 x came sudd5ly1 )\t w>n+3 "o 0 riv52 !n x 0 ov] & he left ! *apel1 left u *ill$ & weak1 />+ fooli%ly at ! gilt *air :]e he _h be54 ,x 0 "s m9utes be=e we 7 able to take up our usual selves aga94 ,iris look$ at me4 ,i smil$ weakly & cle>$ my ?roat3 ,i 0 consci\s t ,i a*$ all ov]4 ,i glanc$ at my wat* & saw t he _h spok5 to u = an h\r & a half dur+ :i* "t ,i _h n mov$4 ,i /ret*$ pa9fully & /ood up4 ,o!rs did ! same3 we _h %>$ an exp]i5ce & x 0 ! fir/ "t 9 my life t ,i knew :at x 0 l to be ! same z o!rs1 my he>t's beat no long] individual1 erratic1 b held = at lea/ ?is "o int]val ( "t 9 conc]t ) ^? ( /rang]s4 ,x 0 a new1 disquiet+ exp]i5ce3 to be no long] an obs]v]1 a remote intellig5ce 444 = n9ety m9utes to h be5 a "p ( ! :ole4 ,iris walk$ ) me to ! ant]oom :]e we /ood = a mom5t wat*+ ! o!rs :o _h also ga!r$ "h to talk 9 l[ voices1 _! expressions bewild]$4 ,%e did n h to ask me :at ,i ?\ght4 ,i told h] imm$iately1 9 my own way1 impress$ b less ?an rev]5t4 8,i see :at y mean4 ,i see :at x is t holds y1 fasc9ates y b ,i /ill wond] :at x is really all ab\t40 8,y saw4 ,y he>d40 8,i saw an ord9>y man4 ,i he>d a s]mon :i* 0 int]e/+1 al?\gh ,i might be less impress$ if ,i read x to myself44440 ,delib]ately ,i tri$ to ?r[ x all away1 t in/ant ( belief1 t p>alysis ( w1 t s5se ( my/]ies reveal$ 9 a dazzle ( light4 ,b z ,i talk$1 ,i realiz$ t ,i 0 n really dismiss+ x1 t ,i c\ld n alt] ! exp]i5ce ev5 ?\gh ,i might dismiss ! man & mock ! text3 some?+ _h happ5$ & ,i told h] :at ,i ?\ght x 04 8,x is n tru?1 ,iris1 b hypnosis40 ,%e nodd$4 8,i've (t5 ?\ght t4 ,especially at fir/ :5 ,i 0 consci\s ( 8 mann]isms1 :5 ,i c\ld see1 z only a woman c p]haps1 t ?is 0 j a man2 yet some?+ does happ5 :5 y li/5 to him1 :5 y get to "k him4 ,y mu/ f9d t out = y\rself2 & y w4 ,x may n prove to be any?+ :i* has to d ) him4 ,!re's some?+ 9 oneself :i* /irs & comes alive at 8 t\*1 ?r\gh 8 ag5cy40 ,%e spoke quickly1 excit$ly4 ,i felt ! passion ) :i* %e 0 *>g$4 ,b sudd5ly x 0 too mu* = me4 ,i 0 bewild]$ & annoy$2 ,i want$ to get away4 8,don't y want to meet him80 ,i %ook my head4 8,ano!r "t maybe1 b n n[4 ,%all ,i take y back80 8,no4 ,i'll get a ride 9 to ,santa ,monica4 ,i may ev5 /ay ov] = ! night4 ,he'll be "h a week40 ,i wond]$ aga9 if %e might h a p]sonal int]e/ 9 ,cave3 ?\gh ,i d\bt$ x1 any?+ 0 possible4 ,%e walk$ me back to ! c>1 pa/ ! light$ *apel1 ov] ! summ]y lawn1 d[n ! d>k /reet ^: solid prosaicness help$ to dispel some:at ! madness ( ! h\r be=e4 ,we made a date to meet lat] on 9 ! week4 ,%e w\ld tell ,cave ab\t me & ,i w\ld meet him4 ,i int]rupt$ h] !n4 8,:at did he say1 ,iris8 ,:at did he say tonight80 ,h] answ] 0 z direct & z pla9 z my "q4 8,t x is good to die40 ,,f\r #a ,?is morn+ ,i r]ead ! la/ section1 try+ to see x objectively1 to mat* :at ,i h put d[n ) ! memory ,i /ill be> ( t fir/ enc\nt] ) ,john ,cave4 ,i h n1 ,i fe>1 got x4 ,b ?is is z close z ,i c come to recall+ long-vani%$ emotions & ev5ts4 ,i 0 impress$ by ! man & ,i 0 %ak5 by 8 purpose4 ,my fir/ impression 01 ,i ?9k1 correct3 he 0 a born hypnoti/ & ! text ( t extraord9>y message 01 9 ! e>ly days at lea/1 ?91 illogical & depress+ if "o _h n he>d x spok54 ,lat] ( c\rse ,i1 among o!rs1 compos$ ! words :i* be> 8 "n & we gave !m1 ,i fancy1 a poli% & an au?ority :i*1 ) 8 limit$ education & disreg>d = ! works ( ! pa/1 he c\ld n h accompli%$ on 8 own1 ev5 _h he want$ to4 ,i sp5t ! int]v5+ days betwe5 my fir/ & second enc\nt]s ) ?is /range man 9 a /ate ( extreme t5sion & irritability4 ,cl>issa call$ me sev]al times b ,i refus$ to see h]1 excus+ myself f propos$ ent]ta9m5ts & h9t$ tte--ttes1 ) an abruptness :i* anyone b ! iron-ca/ ,cl>issa w\ld h f\nd appall+ly rude4 ,%e said %e und]/ood1 h[ev]1 & %e let me (f )\t expla9+ :at x 0 %e und]/ood1 or ?\ght %e did4 ,i avoid$ a numb] ( p>ties & all acqua9tances1 keep+ to my hotel room :]e ,i contemplat$ a quick return to ! ,hudson & to ! d>k5+ autumn4 ,iris telephon$ me twice &1 :5 %e fix$ a day at la/ = me to meet ,john ,cave1 ,i accept$ h] invitation1 a little to my own surprise4 ,we met 9 ! late aft]noon at h] h\se4 ,only ! ?ree ( u 7 pres5t on t occasion4 ,9 ! set ( dialogues :i* ,i compos$ & publi%$ 9 lat] ye>s ,i took consid]able lib]ties ) our actual conv]sations1 especially ?is fir/ "o3 9 fact1 z ho/ile critics 7 quick to sugge/1 ! dialogues 7 creat$ by me ) v little ( ,cave 9 !m & a good deal ( ,plato1 re>rang$ to fit ! occasion4 ,9 "t1 ?\gh1 my v]sion 0 accept$ implicitly1 if only because !re 7 no long] any ho/ile critics4 ,iris s]v$ u tea 9 ! patio4 ,%e spoke seldom &1 :5 %e did1 h] voice 0 l[ & curi\sly diffid5t z %e ask$ ,cave "s "q or in/ruct$ me4 ,cave himself 0 relax$1 q diff]5t f my fir/ view ( him4 ,9 fact1 ,i might n ev5 h recogniz$ 8 face _h ,i se5 him 9 a gr\p4 ,he rose promptly :5 ,i came out onto ! patio2 he %ook my h& vigor\sly b briefly & sat d[n aga91 indicat+ t ,i sit next to him :ile ,iris w5t = tea4 ,he 0 small] & m compact ?an ,i'd ?\ght measur+ him aga9/ myself z "o does1 unconsci\sly1 ) an int]e/+ /rang]4 ,he wore a pla9 br[n suit & a :ite %irt op5 at ! coll>1 a modifi$ ,"l ,byron coll> :i* became him4 ,! eyes1 :i* at fir/ ,i did n d>e look at1 71 ,i soon notic$1 %ea!d 444 an odd ^w :i* 0 always to occur to me :5 ,i saw him at 8 ease1 8 eyes half-%ut1 ord9>y1 n 9 ! lea/ unusual4 ,except = a re/less fold+ & unfold+ ( 8 h&s 7sugge/+ a rec5tly re=m$ cig>ette smok]7 he 0 )\t physical idiosyncrasy4 8,x's a pleasure to meet y0 7 ! fir/ words1 ,i fe>1 ,john ,cave ev] spoke to me2 s unlike ! dialogue on ! _s :i* ,i lat] compos$ to celebrate ?is initial enc\nt] betwe5 ma/] & disciple-to-be4 8,iris has told me a lot ab\t y40 ,8 voice 0 light1 )\t resonance n[4 ,he sat f> back 9 8 deck *air4 ,inside ! h\se ,i c\ld he> ,iris mov+ plates4 ,! late aft]noon sun _h j t mom5t gone beh9d trees & ! rema9+ light 0 w>mly gold4 8,& ,i h foll[$ y\r 444 c>e] ) int]e/ too10 ,i said1 kn[+ t 8c>e]0 0 precisely ! ^w he w\ld n c>e to he> us$ b1 at t mom5t1 nei!r ( u _h got ! range ( ! o!r4 ,we fir$ at r&om4 8,iris told me y write hi/ory40 ,i %ook my head4 8,no1 ,i only read x4 ,i ?9k x's all be5 writt5 anyway40 ,i 0 all[$ to develop ?is novel conceit = "s mom5ts1 att5d$ by a respectful sil5ce f my companion :o f9ally dispat*$ my fa9tly hy/]ical proposition ) a vague 8,maybe s02 & !n we got to him4 8,i hav5't be5 ,ea/ y "k10 he fr[n$ at ! palm trees4 8,i 0 born up 9 ,wa%+ton /ate & ,i've sp5t all my life 9 ! ,nor?we/1 until la/ ye>40 ,he paus$ z ?\gh he expect$ me to ask him ab\t t ye>4 ,i did n4 ,i wait$ = him to d x 9 8 own way4 ,he sudd5ly turn$ ab\t 9 8 *air & fac$ me2 ^? disconc]t+ eyes sudd5ly tra9$ ^u my own4 8,y 7 !re ! o!r night1 w]5't y80 8,:y1 yes40 8,did y feel x too8 ,am ,i "r80 ,! quick passion ) :i* he said ?is1 explod+ all at once ! aft]noon's s]5ity1 took me (f gu>d4 ,i /amm]$1 8,i don't ?9k ,i "k :at y mean4 ,i 4440 8,y "k exactly :at ,i mean1 :at ,i meant40 ,he lean$ clos] to me & ,i wond]$ insanely if 8 deck *air might n collapse "u him4 ,x teet]$ dang]\sly4 ,my m9d w5t blank1 absorb$ by ! image ( deck *air & prophet toge!r collaps+ at my feet4 ,!n1 z sudd5ly1 satisfi$ p]haps ) my confusion1 he settl$ back1 resum$ 8 e>li] ease1 exactly z if ,i _h answ]$ him1 z ?\gh we _h come to a crisis & toge!r fa%ion$ an agreem5t3 x 0 mo/ al>m+4 8,i want to see ,new ,york especially4 ,i've always ?\ght x mu/ look l a cemet]y ) all ^? tall gray build+s y see 9 photographs40 ,he sigh$ conv5tionally3 8,s _m int]e/+ places 9 ! _w4 ,d y l ! ,we/80 ,n]v\sly1 ,i said t ,i did4 ,i /ill fe>$ a possible repetition ( t brief outbur/4 8,i l ! op5ness10 said ,cave1 z ?\gh he _h ?\ght long ab\t ?is problem4 8,i don't ?9k ,i'd l conf9em5t ,i c\ldn't live 9 ,seattle because ( ^? fogs !y us$ to h2 ,san ,francisco's ! same4 ,i don't l too _m walls1 too mu* fog40 ,if he'd int5d$ to speak allegorically he c\ld n h f\nd a bett] audi5ce = ,i 01 ev5 at ?is e>ly /age1 completely receptive to ! mo/ obscure hi/rionics b1 9 conv]sation1 ,cave 0 p]fectly lit]al4 ,except :5 he spoke be=e a l>ge gr\p1 he 0 q simple & prosaic &1 ?\gh consci\s always ( 8 dignity & s+ul> de/9y1 n 9 ! lea/ port5t\s4 ,i probably did n put him at 8 ease = ,i /amm]$ a good deal & made no s5se1 b he 0 graci\s1 support+ me ) 8 own poise & equanimity4 ,he talk$ mo/ly ( places until ,iris came back ) tea4 ,!n1 z ! sky became florid ) ev5+ & ! teacups gradually grew cold1 he talk$ ( 8 "w & ,i li/5$ int5tly4 8,i c talk to y /raight10 he said4 8,?is j happ5$ to me4 ,i didn't />t out to d ?is4 ,no sir1 ,i nev] w\ld h believ$ t5 ye>s ago t ,i'd be travel+ ab\t1 talk+ to p l "o ( ^? crackpot fanatics y've got s _m 9 ,cali=nia40 ,i took a sip ( ! black1 fa/-cool+ tea1 hop+ he 0 n suffici5tly intuitive to guess t ,i _h orig9ally put him d[n1 provisionally ( c\rse1 z precisely t4 8,i don't "k h[ mu* ,iris may h told y or h[ mu* y might h he>d b x's pretty easy to pass ! :ole ?+ (f z ano!r joke3 a guy com+ out ( ! backwoods ) a message40 ,he crack$ 8 knuckles h>d & ,i w9c$ at ! s\nd4 8,well1 ,i didn't q come out ( ! woods4 ,i _h a ye> back at ,/ate ,univ]sity & ,i _h a pretty good job 9 my field ) ! be/ firm ( fun]al directors 9 ,wa%+ton /ate4 ,!n ,i />t$ on ?is4 ,i j knew "o day & s ,i began to talk to p & !y knew too & ,i quit my job & />t$ talk+ to bigg] & bigg] cr[ds all along ! coa/4 ,!re wasn't any ( ?is revelation /uff4 ,i j knew "o day1 t 0 all2 & :5 ,i told o!r p :at ,i knew !y seem$ to get x4 ,& t's ! /range "p4 ,ev]ybody gets ideas ab\t ?+s :i* he ?9ks are wond]ful b usually no?+ happ5s to ! p he tries to tell !m to4 ,) me1 x's be5 diff]5t f ! beg9n+4 ,p h all li/5$1 & agre$3 :at ,i "k !y "k4 ,isn't t a funny ?+8 ,?\gh mo/ ( !m probably w\ld nev] h ?\ght x out until !y he>d me & x 0 all cle>40 ,8 eyes dropp$ to 8 h&s2 he add$ s(tly3 8,s s9ce x's be5 l ?is1 ,i've gone on4 ,i've made ?is my life4 ,?is is x4 ,i %all come to ! p40 ,!re 0 sil5ce4 ,! s5t5ce _h be5 spok5 :i* ,i 0 lat] to con/ruct ! fir/ dialogue ^u3 8,i %all come to ! p10 ! six words :i* 7 to *ange our lives 7 spok5 s(tly ov] tea4 ,iris look$ at me *all5g+ly ov] ,cave's b[$ head4 ,i rememb] little else ab\t t ev5+4 ,we d9$1 ,i ?9k1 9 ! h\se & ,cave 0 mo/ agreeable1 mo/ undem&+4 ,!re 0 no m talk ( ! mission4 ,he ask$ me _m que/ions ab\t ,new ,york1 ab\t ,h>v>d :]e ,i _h gone to s*ool1 ab\t ,roman hi/ory4 ,he appe>$ to be int]e/$ 9 paganism & my own some:at ambigu\s approa* to ,julian4 ,i 0 to le>n lat] t ?\gh he seldom read he _h a />tl+ memory = any fact :i* seem$ relevant4 ,i am nei!r immode/ nor inaccurate :5 ,i say t he li/5$ to me att5tively = "s ye>s & _m ( 8 lat] views 7 a result ( our conv]sations4 ,i %\ld m5tion1 ?\gh1 "o significant omission 9 8 conv]sation dur+ ^? fir/ crucial ye>s3 he nev] discuss$ e?ical que/ions2 t 0 to come mu* lat]4 ,at ! beg9n+ he _h b "o vision & x 01 9 its t]rible tru?1 q inhuman & an>*ic3 man dies1 consci\sness dies ) him3 x is good to die1 good n to be4 ,on ?is ! ,cavite sy/em 0 con/ruct$ & :at came aft] 9 ! moral & e?ical sph]es 0 l>gely ! "w ( o!rs 9 8 "n4 ,mu* ( ?is ,i anticipat$ 9 t fir/ conv]sation ) him1 s unlike1 actually1 ! dialogue :i* ,i compos$ end+1 ,i /ill ?9k complac5tly despite ! irony ) :i* "t has t>ni%$ all ^? bright toys = me1 ) ! ess5tial l9e3 8,dea? is nei!r h>d nor bad2 only ! dy+ hurts40 ,) t firmly po/ulat$ ! re/ 0 inevitable4 ,cave talk$ t ev5+ ab\t ,cali=nia & ,oregon & ,wa%+ton 7geography1 places 7 always to fasc9ate & engage him :ile p1 especially aft] ! e>ly ye>s1 ceas$ to be rem>kable to him2 he t5d$ to get confus$ ^? myriad faces :i* pass$ be=e him l successive ripples 9 a huge sea74 ,he talk$ ( ! cities he _h visit$ on ! seabo>d1 new cities to him1 all ( !m4 ,he comp>$ _! climates & v>i\s attractions l a truly devot$ t\ri/1 eag] to get ! be/ ( ea* place1 to enc\nt] ! g5ius loci & possess x4 8,b ,i don't l /ay+ 9 any place long40 ,he look$ at me !n & aga9 ,i felt t s5se ( a p[] be+ focus$ on me 444 x 0 n unlike :at "o exp]i5ces dur+ an ,x-ray treatm5t :5 ! humm+ noise indicates t pot5t rays are p5etrat+ "o's tissue &1 ?\gh !re is actually no s5sation1 some?+ is exp]i5c$1 p[] is felt4 ,& s x inv>iably 0 t1 "r until ! end1 ,cave1 :5ev] he *ose1 c\ld turn ^? wide bleak eyes ^u me & ,i w\ld exp]i5ce 8 =ce anew4 8,i want to keep mov+1 new places1 t's :at ,i l4 ,y get a k9d or *>ge travel+4 ,at lea/ ,i d4 ,i always ?\ght ,i'd travel b ,i nev] figur$ x w\ld be l ?is2 b !n ( c\rse ,i nev] ?\ght ( all ?is until j a:ile ago4 8,c y rememb] :5 x 08 h[ x 0 exactly y got 444 />t$80 ,i want$ a sign obvi\sly3 ,con/ant9e's lab>um occurr$ to me3 9 hoc signo v9ces4 ,already ambition 0 /irr+1 & ! little bea/ f$ rav5\sly on e scrap t came its way = ,i 01 9 t patio1 exp]i5c+ my own revelation1 ! compass ne$le no long] sp9n+ wildly b com+ to settle at la/1 ) _m hesitancies & demurs1 ^u a direction1 drawn to a f> pole's attraction4 ,he smil$ = ! fir/ "t4 ,i suppose1 if ,i want$1 ,i c\ld recall ea* occasion ov] ! ye>s :51 9 my pres5ce at lea/1 ,john ,cave smil$4 ,8 usual expression 0 "o ( calm resolve1 ( t au?ority :i* feels secure 9 itself1 a =tunate expression :i* l5t dignity ev5 to 8 casual conv]sation3 ! fact t ?is s]5e mask hid a ne>ly total intellectual vacuity1 ,i suspect$ z e>ly 9 my deal+s ) him z ?is fir/ meet+2 yet ,i did n m9d = ,i _h exp]i5c$ 8 unique magic & already ,i saw ! possibilities ( *annel+ t p[]1 ( us+ t =ce1 or turn+ x l a flame "h1 !re1 creat+ & de/roy+1 %ap+ & %att]+ 444 s mu* = ! spontane\s nature ( my ambition at its lea/ responsible1 & at its mo/ exquisite6 ,i c\ld h set ! "o-half _w aflame = ! %e] spl5dor & glory ( ! de$4 ,= ?is my expiation has be5 long & my once exub]ant pride is n[ only an a%5 pho5ix consum$ by flames b n yet tumbl$ to du/1 n yet recreat$ 9 ! mill5nial egg 444 only a gray %ad[ 9 ! he>t :i* ! t\* ( a f+] ( w9dy fe> w turn to air & du/4 ,yet ! creature 0 aborn+ t day3 "o se$ _h t\*$ ano!r & a mon/] began to live4 8,! fir/ day8 ,! fir/ "t80 ,! smile fad$4 8,sure1 ,i rememb] x4 ,i'd j f9i%$ pa9t+ ! face ( a big dead fell[ kill$ 9 an automobile accid5t4 ,i didn't usually d make-up b ,i l to help out & ,i us$ to d odd jobs :5 somebody _h too mu* to d & ask$ me to help2 ! pa9t+ isn't h>d ei!r & ,i always l x1 ?\gh ! faces are cold l 444 l44440 ,he ?\ght ( no simile2 he w5t on3 8,anyway ,i look$ at ?is guy's face & ,i rememb]$ ,i'd se5 him play basketball 9 high s*ool4 ,he 0 9 a class or two beh9d me4 ,big a?lete4 ,r+]1 we call$ !m 444 full ( life 444 & "h he 01 ) me p[d]+ 8 face & comb+ 8 eyebr[s4 ,usually y don't ?9k mu* ab\t ! /iff 7t's our pr(essional ^w7 "o way or ! o!r3 x's j a job4 ,b ,i ?\ght ab\t ?is "o sudd5ly4 ,i />t$ to feel sorry = him1 dead l t1 s sudd51 s "y1 s good-look+ ) all sorts ( prospects2 !n ,i felt x40 ,! voice grew l[ & precise4 ,iris & ,i li/5$ int5tly1 ev5 ! sun froze 9 ! wild sky above ! sea2 ! "y night /umbl$ 9 ! d>k5+ ea/4 ,8 eyes on ! sun1 he describ$ 8 sudd5 k t x 0 ! dead man :o 0 "r1 :o 0 a "p ( ! :ole1 t ! liv+ 7 ! suff]]s f :om1 tempor>ily1 ! beautiful d>kness & nonbe+ _h be5 )drawn &1 9 8 crude way1 ,cave /ruck *ord aft] *ord ( mean+ &1 ?\gh ! notes 7 n 9 !mselves new1 ! effect 0 all its own 444 & n entirely because ( ! voice1 ! cog5cy ( ?is magician4 ,no1 ! effect 0 a*iev$ only 9 "p ?r\gh 8 ability to make "o exp]i5ce ) him an occasion ( light1 ( absolute kn[+4 8,& ,i knew x 0 ! dy+ :i* 0 ! bett] "p10 he f9i%$4 ,! sun1 releas$1 dr[n$ 9 ! ,pacific4 ,9 ! d>kness ,i ask$1 8,b y1 y /ill live80 8,n because ,i want to10 came ! voice1 s(t z ! night 8,i mu/ tell ! o!rs fir/4 ,!re'll be "t = myself40 ,i %udd]$ 9 ! w>m? ( ! patio4 ,my companions 7 only dim pres5ces 9 ! fail+ light4 8,:o told y to tell ?is to ev]yone80 ,! answ] came back1 /rong & unexpect$3 8,i told myself4 ,! responsibility is m9e40 ,t 0 ! sign = me4 ,he _h brok5 ) 8 pr$ecessors4 ,he 0 on 8 own4 ,he knew 444 & s did we4 #b ,i h l+]$ ov] t fir/ meet+ =1 9 x1 0 f9ally all t !re 0 to come4 ,lat] details 7 ! "w ( o!rs1 ! exotic p]iph]y to a simple b p[]ful c5t]4 ,n until late t night did ,i leave ! h\se ne> ! bea*4 ,:5 ,i left1 ,cave /ay$ on & ,i wond]$ aga91 idly1 if p]haps he 0 liv+ !re ) ,iris1 if p]haps h] int]e/ 9 him might n be m complex ?an ,i _h suspect$4 ,we p>t$ casually & ,iris walk$ me to ! door :ile ,cave rema9$ inside1 gaz+ 9 8 int5t way at no?+ at all3 daydream+1 d\btless1 ( :at 0 to come4 8,y'll help80 ,iris /ood by ! c>'s op5 door1 h] features indi/9ct 9 ! moonless night4 8,i ?9k s4 ,i'm n sure1 ?\gh1 ab\t ! scale40 8,:at d y mean80 8,mu/ ev]yone "k8 ,c't x j be kept to ourselves8 = ! few :o d "k him80 8,no4 ,we mu/ let !m all he> him4 ,ev]yone40 ,& h] voice assum$ t zeal\s tone :i* ,i 0 to he> s (t5 aga9 & aga9 ^u h] lips & on ^? ( o!rs4 ,i made my fir/ & la/ objection3 8,i don't see t quantity has mu* to d ) x4 ,if ?is ?+ spreads x w become organiz$4 ,if x becomes organiz$1 second>y consid]ations w obscure ! po9t4 ,! tru? is no tru] because only a few h exp]i5c$ x40 8,y're wrong4 ,ev5 = purely selfi% reasons1 rul+ out all altrui/ic consid]ations1 !re's an excell5t reason = all[+ ?is to spread3 a society :i* kn[s :at we "k1 :i* believes 9 ,cave & :at he says1 w be a pleasant] place 9 :i* to live1 less anxi\s1 m tol]ant40 ,& %e spoke ( ! new ,j]usalem 9 our sall[ l& & ,i 0 ne>ly conv9c$4 ,! next day ,i w5t to ,ha/+s' h\se = lun*4 ,he 0 !re alone2 8 wife app>5tly _h a life ( h] own :i* requir$ 8 company only occasionally4 ,cl>issa1 s5sible 9 twe$ & d>k glasses1 0 ! only o!r gue/4 ,we lun*$ on an iron-wr\ght table beside ! gloomy pool 9 :i*1 among ! occasional leaves1 ,i saw1 q cle>ly1 a cig>ette butt delicately unfold+ l an ocean fl[]4 8,good to1 ah1 h y1 ,eug5e4 ,j a bit ( potluck4 ,cl>issa's go+ back to civilization today & want$ to see y 444 ,i did too1 ( c\rse4 ,! bride's gone out4 ,told me to convey h]44440 ,cl>issa turn$ h] bright eyes on me &1 )\t ackn[l$g+ ! pres5ce ( our ho/1 said "r (f3 8,y've met him at la/40 ,i nodd$4 ,! plot 0 f9ally cle> to me3 ! ma9 design at lea/4 8,we _h d9n] toge!r la/ night40 8,i "k4 ,iris told me4 ,y're go+ to help out ( c\rse40 8,i'd l to b ,i don't "k :at !re is ,i might d4 ,i don't ?9k ,i'd be mu* use ) a tamb\r9e on /reet corn]s1 prea*+ ! ^w40 8,don't be silly60 ,cl>issa *uckl$4 8,we're go+ to h&le ?is q1 q diff]5tly40 8,we80 8,oh1 ,i've be5 involv$ = ov] a ye> n[4 ,x's go+ to be ! greate/ fun 444 y wait & see40 8,b44440 8,i 0 ! "o :o got ,iris h]self involv$4 ,i ?\ght %e look$ a little peak$1 a little bor$4 ,i _h no idea ( c\rse %e'd get 9 s deep1 b x w probably turn out all "r ,i ?9k %e's 9 love ) him40 8,don't be su* a gossip10 said ,ha/+s %>ply4 8,y always r$uce ev]y?+ to 444 to biology4 ,cave isn't t sort ( man40 8,y "k him too80 ,h[ fa/ x 0 gr[+1 ,i ?\ght4 8,c]ta9ly4 ,bigge/ ?+ ,i've done s9ce44440 8,s9ce y m>ri$ t brassy blonde10 said ,cl>issa ) h] irrepressible rud5ess4 8,anyway1 my de>1 ,iris took to ! :ole ?+ l a born proselyte1 if t's ! ^w ,i mean 444 ! o!r's a little boy1 isn't x8 & x seems1 f :at %e's told me1 t y h too40 8,i w\ldn't say t40 ,i 0 a little put out at bo? ,iris & ,cl>issa tak+ me s mu* = grant$4 8,say any?+ y l4 ,x's /ill ! be/ ?+ t's ev] happ5$ to y4 ,oh ,god1 n avocado aga960 ,! (f5d+ salad 0 wav$ away :ile ,ha/+s mutt]$ apologies4 8,na/y1 po9tless ?+s1 all texture & no ta/e40 ,%e made a face4 8,b ,i suppose t we mu/ live (f ! fruits ( ! c\ntry & ?is is ! only ?+ :i* w gr[ 9 ,cali=nia40 ,%e mov$ )\t pause f ,we/]n flora to ! problem ( ,john ,cave4 8,z = y\r own contribution1 ,eug5e1 x w dep5d l>gely ^u :at y *oose to d4 ,z ,i said1 ,i nev] suspect$ t ,iris w\ld get 9 s deep & y may prove to be q z surpris+4 ,?is is ! gr\nd floor ( c\rse 444 wond]ful expression1 isn't x8 ! _s ( ,am]ica3 ! slogan :i* broke ! pla9s 444 9 any case1 ! way is cle>4 ,cave lik$ y4 ,y c write ?+s = !m1 r solid articles bas$ on y\r inimitable misread+s ( hi/ory4 ,y c educate ,cave1 ?\gh ?is might be unwise s9ce s mu* ( 8 =ce d]ives f 8 eloqu5t ignorance2 or y might become a "p ( ! organization :i* is gett+ "u way4 ,i suppose ,iris w expla9 t to y3 x's r h] dep>tm5t at ! mom5t4 ,all ^? ye>s 9 ! ,junior ,league gave h] a t\*+ fai? 9 ! p[] ( committees1 :i* is j z well :5 h&l+ ,am]icans4 ,z = ! tamb\r9es & cries ( ',come & ,be ,sav$' y are "s tw5ty ye>s beh9d ! times4 ,we 444 or to be exact ,i ought to say '!y' 444 h m up-to-date plans40 8,committees8 ,:at committees80 ,cl>issa unfold$ h] mu%room omelet ) a secret smile4 8,y'll meet our numb]-"o committee memb] aft] lun*4 ,he's com+1 isn't he80 ,%e look$ at ,ha/+s z ?\gh suspect+ him ( a trea*]\s ineptitude4 8,c]ta9ly1 c]ta9ly1 at lea/ he said he 040 ,ha/+s motion$ = ! s]v+-woman to clean away ! lun*eon di%es & we mov$ to o!r *airs beside ! pool = c(fee4 ,cl>issa 0 9 f9e =m1 aggressive1 positive1 s]5ely indiff]5t to ! effect %e 0 hav+ on ,ha/+s & me4 8,( c\rse ,i'm j m$dl+10 %e said 9 answ] to an inquiry ( m9e4 8,i don't really give two c5ts = ,mr ,cave & 8 message40 8,cl>issa60 ,ha/+s 0 g5u9ely %ock$4 8,i mean x4 ,n t ,i don't f9d him fasc9at+ & ( c\rse ! :ole situation is delici\s 444 :at we %all d6 or y %all d60 %e look$ at me malici\sly4 8,i c =esee no limits to ?is40 8,x no d\bt rem9ds y ( ! p]iod %ortly aft] ,mohamm$ m>ri$ ,khadija40 ,my own malice1 h[ev]1 c\ld n pi]ce ,cl>issa's mad equanimity4 8,vile man1 sweet woman4 ,b no1 ?is is all go+ to be diff]5t al?\gh ! intellectual climate 7,i ?9k intellectual is p]haps optimi/ic b y "k :at ,i mean7 is q simil>4 ,i c't wait = ! fir/ public response40 8,!re's already be5 "s10 said ,ha/+s1 cross+ 8 legs :i* 7 encas$ 9 pale multicolor slacks ) ra:ide s&als on 8 feet4 8,!re 0 a piece ye/]day 9 ! ,news ab\t ! meet+s !y've be5 hav+ up ne> ,laguna or :]ev] x is he's be5 speak+ ?is "t40 8,:at did !y say80 ,cl>issa scatt]$ t9y sac*>9e tablets into h] c(fee l a gra9 goddess prep>+ h>ve/4 8,oh1 j "o ( ^? %ort suburban notes ab\t h[ a ,mr ,joseph ,cave1 !y got ! "n wrong1 0 giv+ a s]ies ( lectures at a fun]al p>lor :i* h be5 surpris+ly well att5d$40 8,!y didn't m5tion :at ! lectures 7 ab\t80 8,no1 j a comm5t3 ! fir/ "o s f> 9 ,los ,angeles40 8,!re'll be o!rs soon b ,i %\ldn't ?9k x's su* a good idea to h too _m items l t be=e ?+s are really "u way40 8,& ! g5tleman :o is com+ "h w be responsible = gett+ !m "u way80 ,i ask$4 8,pretty mu*1 yes4 ,x's be5 decid$ t ! practical details are to be left to him4 ,cave w cont9ue to speak 9 & ar\nd ,los ,angeles until ! way has be5 prep>$4 ,!n1 :5 ! publicity beg9s1 he w be book$ all ov] ! c\ntry1 all ov] ! _w60 ,cl>issa rock$ sil5tly = a mom5t 9 h] *air1 creat+ a disagreeable effect ( noiseless laught] :i* disconc]t$ bo? ,ha/+s & me4 8,i don't l y\r attitude10 said ,ha/+s1 look+ at h] gloomily4 8,y ar5't s]i\s40 8,oh ,i am1 my d>l+1 ,i am4 ,y'll nev] "k h[ s]i\s40 ,& on t high note ( ,cl>issa's1 ,paul ,himmell /epp$ out onto ! patio1 bl9k+ 9 ! light ( noon4 ,he 0 a sl5d] man 9 8 =tie? & mo/ successful ye>1 ) hair only j begun to gray & a l9$ b firmly model$ face1 bright ) ambition4 ,! initial impression 0 "o ( neatly conta9$ en]gy1 ( a passionate temp]am5t beautifully1 usefully *annel$4 ,! twi/ to 8 b[ tie 0 ! "w ( a ma/] craftsman4 ,! h&%ake 0 agreeable2 ! smile 0 quick & engag+2 ! effect on me 0 al>m+3 ,i _h dete/$ ?is sort ( man all my life & "h at la/1 we>+ a repell5tly di/+ui%$ sports coat 0 ! ar*etype ( all su* creatures1 load+ ) a /eady h& t cig>ette hold] )\t :i* he might at lea/ h seem$ to me /ill human4 ,he 0 id5tifi$ by ,ha/+s :o1 ) a few excit$ snorts & gasps1 told me b5ea? ! conv]sation t ?is 0 ! mo/ successful "y publici/ 9 ,hollywood1 :i* meant ! _w4 8,i'm happy to meet y1 ,g5e10 he said z soon z ,ha/+s _h introduc$ u4 ,he 0 p]fectly aw>e t he _h be5 id5tifi$ :ile ! fir/ greet+s ) ,cl>issa _h be5 ex*ang$3 he _h ! common gift ( ! busy worldl+ ( be+ able to att5d two conv]sations simultane\sly1 pr(it+ f bo?4 ,i hate ( c\rse be+ call$ by my fir/ "n by /rang]s b 9 8 _w !re 7 ( c\rse no /rang]s3 ! freemasonry ( self-int]e/ made all m5 equal 9 _! desp]ation4 ,he treat$ me l a buddy4 ,he knew 7he 01 aft] all1 clev]7 t ,i dete/$ him on sight & on pr9ciple & t pres5t$ him ) a *all5ge to :i* he rose ) confid5ce 444 & cont9u$ to rise ?r\gh ! ye>s1 despite ! endur+ nature ( my disaffection4 ,b !n to be lik$ 0 8 bus9ess & ,i suspect t 8 att5tions _h less to d ) me1 ) a s5se ( failure 9 himself = n hav+ won me1 ?an ) a k9d ( automatic *>m1 a response to a situation :i* 0 produc$ q inhumanly1 me*anically3 ! smile1 ! w>m voice1 ! delicate flatt]y 444 or n s delicate1 dep5d+ on ! case4 8,iris & ,cave bo? told me ab\t y & ,i'm p>ticul>ly glad to get a *ance to meet y 444 to see y too1 ,cl>issa 444 w y be long 9 ! ,ea/80 ,consci\s p]haps t ,i w\ld ne$ m "w ?an a p]functory prelude1 he %ift$ 8 att5tion to ,cl>issa1 sav+ me = lat]4 8,i nev] h plans1 ,paul1 b ,i've got "o or two *ores ,i've got to d4 ,anyway ,i've decid$ t ,eug5e is j ! "o to give ! ent]prise its tone 444 a quality conc]n+ :i* y1 de> ,paul1 s (t5 h s mu* to say40 8,:y yes10 said ! publici/ g5ially1 obvi\sly n und]/&+4 8,always use m tone4 ,y're q "r40 ,cl>issa's eyes met m9e = a brief amus$ in/ant4 ,%e 0 on to ev]y?+ 444 d\btless on to me too 9 t way "o c nev] be ab\t oneself2 ,i always felt at a disadvantage ) h]4 8,:at we're go+ to ne$ = ! big ,new ,york op5+ is a firm hi/orical & intellectual base4 ,cave hasn't got x & ( c\rse doesn't ne$ x4 ,we are go+ to ne$ comm5t>y & explanation & ?\gh y happ5 to be a g5ius 9 publicity y mu/ admit t t gr\p :i* has be5 *>act]iz$ z intellectual1 ! lit]ate few :o1 9 _! weakness1 (t5 ex]t enorm\s influ5ce1 are n apt to be mu* mov$ by y\r publicity3 9 fact1 !y w be put (f by x40 8,well1 n[ ,i'm n s sure my me?ods are t crude4 ,( c\rse ,i nev]44440 8,!y are sup]bly1 triumphantly1 provid5tially crude & y "k x4 ,eug5e mu/ l5d dignity to ! ent]prise4 ,he has a solemn & highly respectable misund]/&+ ( philosophy :i* w appeal to 8 fell[ intellectuals4 ,he & !y are q alike3 lib]al1 ineffectual1 scrupul\s1 unsup]/iti\s1 irresolute & lonely4 ,:5 he addresses !m !y w get imm$iately 8 range1 y might say1 pick up 8 frequ5cy1 realiz+ he is "o ( !m1 a man to be tru/$4 ,once !y are rea*$ ! game is ov]1 or begun40 ,cl>issa paus$ & look$ at me expectantly1 ! exub]ant malice veil$ by excitem5t4 ,i didn't answ] imm$iately4 ,ha/+s1 z a =m] writ]1 felt t he too _h be5 address$ & he worri$ ! subject ( 8tone0 :ile ,paul gravely add$ a comm5t or two4 ,cl>issa wat*$ me1 h[ev]1 consci\s p]haps ( ! w\nd %e _h dealt4 ,0 x all really s simple8 0 ,i s simple8 s typical8 ,vanity said n1 b self-d\bt1 ! %ad[ :i* d>k5s ev5 ^? triumphs held at noon1 prevail$ = a sick mom5t or two3 ,i 0 no diff]5t f ! o!rs1 f ! little p$agogues & analy/s1 ! self-obsess$ & spiritless company :o endur$ %ame & a s5se ( ali5ation )\t ev5 t conviction ( virtue :i* c dispel guilt & apa?y = ! simple1 = all ^? :o h accept$ )\t "q "o ( ! sy/ems ( absolutes :i* x has amus$ bo? my/ics & tyrants to con/ruct = man's guidance4 ,i _h less baggage to rid myself ( ?an ! o!rs3 ,i 0 confid5t ( t4 ,nei!r ,*ri/ianity nor ,m>xism nor ! ugly c]ta9ties ( ! m5tal !rapi/s _h ev] engag$ my loyalty or susp5d$ my judgm5t4 ,i _h look$ at !m all1 deplor+ _! admir]s & s]vants1 int]e/$ ?\gh by _! sep>ate views ( society & ( ! pot5tialities ( a heav5 on e>? 7! m$ieval conception ( a _w beyond life 0 always int]e/+ to contemplate ev5 if ! evid5ce 9 its favor 0 :imsical at be/ 444 conceiv$ ei!r z a sy/em ( rew>ds & puni%m5ts to control liv+ man or else z lovely visions ( :at might be 7 man inde$ consub/antial ) a creation :i* s (t5 resembl$ ! p]sonal aspirations ( gift$ div9es r m closely ?an t univ]se ! re/ ( u c only obs]ve ) mortal eyes74 ,no1 ,i _h _h to dispose ( relatively little baggage &1 ,i l to ?9k1 less ?an my m ?\ghtful contempor>ies :o 7 =ev] analyz+ !mselves1 (f]+ _! psy*es to doctors = analysis or1 worse1 giv+ _! immortal s\ls into ! h&s ( prie/s :o w\ld !n assume mu* ( _! welts*m]z1 provid+ !m ) a set ( gr[n-up games e bit z appeal+ z ! ones ( *ildhood :i* _h involv$ make-believe or1 f9ally1 wor/ ( all1 ! s(t acceptance ( ! idea ( man ! mass1 ( man ! citiz51 ( society ! organic :ole = ^: great] good all individuality mu/ be surr5d]$4 ,my s5se !n ( all t ,i _h n be51 negative z x 01 sav$ my self-e/eem3 ,i 01 9 ?is1 unlike my contempor>ies4 ,i _h1 9 y\?1 lo/ all respect = ! au?ority ( m5 & s9ce !re is no o!r disc]nible 7! 8laws0 ( nature are only relative & "o _c say = c]ta9 t !re is a beautiful logic to ev]y?+ 9 ! univ]se z long z fir/ pr9ciples rema9 unreveal$ 444 except ( c\rse to ! religi\s :o "k ev]y?+1 hav+ fai?71 ,i 0 un5cumb]$ by belief1 by rev]5ce = any man or gr\ps ( m51 liv+ or dead1 ?\gh _! wit & g5ius (t5 made my days be>able s9ce my capacity = admiration1 = ae/hetic response 01 ,i ?9k1 highly develop$ ev5 ?\gh ) ,t]5ce ,i did n "k1 did n ne$ to "k ?r\gh :at wild c5turies roves ! rose4 ,yet ,cl>issa's includ+ me among ! little ,hamlets 0 irritat+1 & :5 ,i jo9$ 9 ! discussion aga9 ,i 0 c>eful to give h] no satisfaction2 x w\ld h be5 a p>tial victory = h] if ,i _h d5i$ my g5]ic simil>ity to my own contempor>ies4 ,paul spoke ( practical matt]s1 expla9+ to u ! way he int5d$ to op]ate 9 ! com+ mon?s2 & ,i 0 giv5 a glimpse ( ! organization :i* _h spontane\sly come into be+ only a few weeks be=e4 8,hope we c h lun* tomorr[1 ,g5e4 ,i'll give y a bett] picture !n1 ! ov]all picture3 & y\r "p 9 x4 ,briefly1 = n[1 ! organization has be5 set up z a company "u ,cali=nia law ) ,cave z presid5t & myself1 ,iris & ,cl>issa z directors4 ,i'm also secret>y-treasur] b only = n[4 ,we're go+ to ne$ a fir/-rate f9ancial man to head our campaign fund & ,i'm work+ on sev]al possibilities "r n[40 8,:at's ! 444 company call$80 ,i ask$4 8,cavites1 ,inc4 ,we didn't want to call x any?+ b t's ! law "h & s9ce we int5d$ to raise money we _h to h a legal setup40 8,got a nice s\nd1 ah1 ,cavite10 said ,ha/+s1 nodd+4 8,:at on e>? %\ld we h done if he'd _h y\r "n1 ,paul80 exclaim$ ,cl>issa1 to ! indignation ( bo? ,ha/+s & ,paul4 ,!y %ut h] up quickly4 ,paul w5t on 9 8 smoo? deep voice1 8,i've _h a lot ( exp]i5ce1 ( c\rse1 b ?is is some?+ completely new = me1 a real *all5ge & "o :i* ,i'm glad to meet head-on40 8,h[ did y get into x80 ,i ask$4 ,paul po9t$ dramatically to ,ha/+s4 8,him6 ,he took me to a meet+ 9 ,laguna la/ ye>4 ,i 0 sold ! fir/ "t4 ,i got ! message40 ,!re 0 a hu% z we 7 all[$ to contemplate ?is awesome in=mation4 ,!n1 smil+ 9 a fa%ion :i* he d\btless w\ld h call$ 8wry10 ! publici/ cont9u$3 8,i knew ?is 0 x4 ,i contact$ ,cave imm$iately & f\nd we talk$ ! same language4 ,he 0 all = ! idea & s we incorporat$4 ,he said he wasn't int]e/$ 9 ! organizational end & left t to u ) ,iris sort ( repres5t+ him1 ?\gh ( c\rse we all d s9ce we're all ,cavites4 ,?is ?+ is big & we're "p ( x40 ,he almo/ smack$ 8 lips4 ,i li/5$1 fasc9at$4 8,anyway he's go+ to d ! prea*+ "p & we're go+ to h&le ! sales end1 if y get :at ,i mean4 ,we're sell+ some?+ :i* nobody else ev] sold be=e & y "k :at t is80 ,he paus$ dramatically & we />$ at him1 a little /upidly4 8,tru?60 ,8 voice 0 triumphant4 8,we're sell+ ! tru? ab\t life & t's some?+ t nobody1 b nobody1 has got40 ,cl>issa broke ! sil5ce :i* _h absorb$ 8 la/ words4 8,y're simply out ( ?is _w1 ,paul6 ,if ,i hadn't he>d y1 ,i'd nev] h believ$ x4 ,b y don't h to sell u1 de>2 we're 9 on x too4 ,besides1 ,i h to cat* a plane40 ,%e look$ at h] wat*4 ,%e /ood up & we did too4 ,%e ?ank$ ,ha/+s = lun* & !n1 be=e %e left ! patio on 8 arm1 %e said3 8,n[ y boys get on toge!r & rememb] :at ,i've told y4 ,g5e mu/ be us$1 & "r away4 ,get him to write some?+ dignifi$1 = a magaz9e40 ,we murmur$ ass5t4 ,cl>issa said good-by & left ! patio ) ,ha/+s4 ,h] voice1 %rill & h>d1 c\ld be he>d ev5 aft] %e left4 8,! tru? ab\t life6 ,oh1 x's go+ to be priceless60 ,i look$ quickly at ,paul to see if he _h he>d b1 if he _h1 he didn't betray ! fact4 ,he 0 look+ at me int5tly1 speculatively4 8,i ?9k we're go+ to get along f9e1 ,g5e1 j f9e40 ,leav+ me only a fumbl$ ^w or two ( polite corroboration ) :i* to express my s9c]e antipa?y2 !n we w5t our sep>ate ways4 #c ,i met ,paul ! next day at 8 (fice = a dr9k & n = lun* s9ce1 at ! la/ m9ute1 8 secret>y call$ me to say he 0 ti$ up & c\ld ,i possibly come at five4 ,i said t ,i c\ld4 ,i did4 ,8 (fices occupi$ an entire floor ( a small sky-scrap] on ! edge ( ,bev]ly ,hills4 ,i 0 %[n ?r\gh a s]ies ( rooms done 9 natural wood & beige ) indirect light+ & ! s(t s\nd ( ,/rauss waltzes pip$ 9 f all directions3 ! employees respond$ be/ to ?ree-f\r "t accord+ to ! curr5t effici5cy reports4 ,b5ea? an exp5sive b /&>d mobile1 ,paul /ood1 wait+ = me 9 8 (fice4 ,8 desk1 a t9y affair ( :ite m>ble on sl5d] iron legs _h be5 roll$ (f to "o side & ! (fice gave1 z _h be5 int5d$1 ! impression ( be+ a small draw+ room r ?an a place ( int5se bus9ess4 ,i 0 greet$ w>mly4 ,my h& 0 %ak5 firmly4 ,my eyes 7 met squ>ely = ! regulation-l5g? ( "t4 ,!n we sat d[n on a c\* :i* 0 l ! op5 furry m\? ( "s great s(t bea/ & 8 secret>y roll$ a portable b> t[>d u4 8,"n y\r poison10 said ! publici/ g5ially4 ,we agre$ on a cocktail :i* he mix$ ) ! usual comm5ts "o expects f a regul> fell[4 ,lull$ by ! alcohol1 by ! room1 dis>m$ by ! famili> patt] 9 :i* "o made all ! correct responses1 our conv]sation z rituali/ic z t ( a ,fr5* d9n] p>ty1 ,i 0 n prep>$ = ! abrupt3 8,y don't l me1 d y1 ,g5e80 ,only once or twice be=e _h anyone ev] said ?is to me & ea* "t t x happ5$ ,i _h v[$ grimly t ! next "t1 no matt] :]e or ) :om1 ,i %\ld answ] ) p]fect c&or1 ) m]ciless accuracy3 8,no1 ,i don't40 ,b s9ce ,i am nei!r quick nor c\rage\s1 ,i murmur$ a pale d5ial4 8,x's all "r1 ,g5e4 ,i "k h[ y probably feel40 ,& ! mon/] 0 magnanim\s2 he treat$ me ) pity4 8,we've got two diff]5t po9ts ( view4 ,t's all4 ,i h to make my way 9 ?is rat-race & y don't4 ,y don't h to d any?+1 s y c af=d to patronize u poor hu/l]s40 8,patronize isn't q ! ^w40 ,i 0 beg9n+ to recov] f ! fir/ %ock4 ,a cru%+ phrase or two occurr$ to me b ! publici/ knew 8 bus9ess & he *ang$ c\rse be=e ,i c\ld beg9 my "w ( demolition4 8,well1 ,i j want$ y to "k t !re are no h>d feel+s4 ,9 my bus9ess y get us$ to ?is sort ( ?+3 occupational haz>d1 y might say4 ,i've _h to fight my way e in* & ,i "k t a lot ( p are go+ to be jo/l$ 9 ! process1 :i* is j too bad = !m40 ,he smil$ sudd5ly1 draw+ ! /+4 8,b ,i h a hun* we're go+ to be see+ a lot ( ea* o!r s we ought to />t on a p]fectly pla9 basis ( und]/&+4 ,y're on to me & ,i'm on to y40 ,! man 0 diabolic 9 ! way he c\ld enrage yet n all[ 8 adv]s>y suffici5t gr\nds = ev5 a p]functory def5se4 ,he mov$ rapidly1 ) a %[ ( spuri\s reason :i* q dazzl$ me4 ,8 0 :at1 pres5tly1 he call$ 8! common-s5se view40 ,i told him ,i _h no objection to work+ ) him2 t ev]y?+ ,i _h he>d ab\t him impress$ me2 t he 0 wrong to suspect me ( disda9+ me?ods ^: efficacy 0 s well-kn[n4 ,i p]jur$ myself = sev]al impassion$ m9utes &1 on a ris+ note ( coz9ess1 we pass$ on to ! problem 9 h&1 cong5ial enemies = all "t3 ! fir/ r\nd cle>ly 84 8,cl>issa got y into ?is80 ,he look$ at me ov] 8 glass4 8,m or less4 ,cl>issa to ,iris to ,cave 0 ! precise play40 8,%e got me to ,cave la/ summ]1 or r to ,ha/+s fir/4 ,i 0 sold "r (f4 ,i ?9k ,i told y t ye/]day4 ,?is guy's got ev]y?+4 ,ev5 aside f ! message1 he's ! mo/ rem>kable salesman ,i've ev] se5 & believe me :5 ,i tell y !re isn't any?+ ,i don't "k ab\t salesm540 ,i agre$ t he 0 d\btless exp]t 9 ^! matt]s4 8,i w5t to ab\t a doz5 ( ^? e>ly meet+s & ,i c\ld see he 0 hav+ ! same effect on ev]yone1 ev5 on ,ca?olics1 p l t4 ,( c\rse ,i don't "k :at happ5s :5 !y get home b :ile !y're !re !y're sold & t's all t matt]s because1 9 ! next ye>1 we're go+ to h him !re1 ev]y:]e1 & all ! "t40 ,i told him ,i didn't exactly foll[ ?is metaphysic flight4 8,i mean we're go+ to h him on television1 on movie scre5s1 9 ! pap]s1 s t ev]ybody c feel ! effect ( 8 p]sonality1 j l he 0 !re 9 p]son4 ,?is pray]-meet+ /uff he's be5 do+ is j a w>m+ up4 ,t's all4 ,t k9d ( ?+ is outmod$3 c't rea* en\gh p ev5 if y spoke at ,madison ,squ>e e night = a ye>1 b x's good practice1 & x's got him />t$4 ,n[ ! next move is a ,,tv half-h\r %[ once a week & :5 t gets />t$ we're 940 8,:o's go+ to pay = all ?is80 8,we've got m money ?an y c %ake a /ick at40 ,he smil$ briefly & refill$ our glasses ) a fl\ri%4 8,i hav5't be5 re/+ on my laurels & nei!r has ,cl>issa4 ,we've got ?ree ( ! ri*e/ m5 9 ,l4,a4 drool+ at ! m\? = an opportunity to come 9 ) u4 ,!y're sold2 !y've talk$ to him2 !y've he>d him4 ,t's be5 en\gh40 8,w y sell soap on television at ! same "t80 8,come (f x1 ,g5e4 ,cave is ! product40 8,!n 9 :at way w y1 or 8 sponsors1 pr(it f sell+ him80 8,9 ! fir/ place :at he says is ! tru? & x's meant a lot to me & also to !m1 to ! tycoons3 !y're will+ to d any?+ to put him across40 8,i %\ld ?9k t ! possession ( ! tru? & its att5dant s5se ( virtue is 9 itself en\gh1 easily spoil$ by popul>ization10 ,i said ) *ill+ pomp4 8,n[ t's a mighty selfi% attitude to take4 ,sure x makes me happy to "k at la/ no?+ matt]s a hell ( a lot s9ce ,i'm apt to die any "t & t's ! end ( y\rs truly2 a nice quiet no?+1 l sleep+ pills aft] a busy day3 all t's swell b x means a lot m to me to see ! tru? belong to ev]ybody & also1 let's face x1 ,i'm ambiti\s4 ,i l my "w4 ,i want to see ?is ?+ get big1 & ) me "p ( x4 ,life doesn't mean a ?+ & dea? is ! only reality1 l he says1 b :ile we're liv+ we've got to keep busy & get ahead & ! be/ ?+ = me1 ,i figur$ ab\t six mon?s ago1 0 to put ,cave ov] on ! public1 :i* is j :at ,i'm go+ to d4 ,any?+ wrong ) t80 ,s9ce "r & wrong _h n yet be5 re=mulat$ & codifi$1 ,i gave him ! com=t he h>dly ne$$4 8,i see :at y mean4 ,i suppose y're "r4 ,p]haps ! motive is ! same 9 e case1 m9e z well z y\rs3 yet we've all exp]i5c$ ,cave & t %\ld be en\gh40 8,no1 we %\ld all get beh9d x & pu%1 br+ x to ! _w40 8,t1 ( c\rse1 is :]e we're diff]5t3 n t ,i don't int5d to 'propagate ! tru?1' r ,i %all d x = some?+ to d1 kn[+ t no?+ matt]s1 n ev5 ?is k matt]s40 ,9 my unction1 ,i _h /umbl$ ^u ! fir/ ( a s]ies ( p>adoxes :i* 7 to amuse & obsess our philosoph]s = a g5]ation4 ,paul gave me no opportunity to elaborate1 h[ev]2 8 0 ! practical way & ,i foll[$4 ,we spoke ( means & ends4 8,cave likes ! idea ( ! half-h\r %[ & z soon z we get all ! wr9kles iron$ out1 buy+ good "t1 n j dead air1 we'll make ! fir/ big ann\ncem5t1 along ar\nd ,janu>y1 ,i ?9k4 ,until !n we're try+ to keep ?is out ( ! pap]s4 ,sl[ b sure2 !n fa/ & h>d40 8,:at sort ( man is ,cave80 ,i want$ v mu* to he> ,paul's reaction to him3 ?is 0 ! practical man1 ! unobsess$4 ,he 0 c&id2 he did n "k4 8,h[ c y figure a guy l t out8 ,at times he seems a little feeble-m9d$1 ?is is betwe5 u by ! way1 & o!r times :5 he's talk+ to p1 giv+ ) ! message1 !re's no?+ l him40 8,:at ab\t 8 e>ly life80 8,nobody kn[s v mu*4 ,i've _h a detective ag5cy prep>e a dossi] on him4 ,does t surprise y8 ,well1 ,i'm go+ f> out on a limb = him & s are our ri* fri5ds4 ,we _h to be sure we w]5't buy+ an ax-murd]] or a bigami/ or some?+40 8,w\ld t h made any diff]5ce to ! message80 8,no1 ,i don't ?9k s b x sure w\ld h made x impossible = u to sell him on a big scale40 8,& :at did !y f9d80 8,n mu*4 ,i'll let y read x4 ,take x home ) y4 ,confid5tial ( c\rse &1 z an (fic] ( ! company1 ,i mu/ ask y n to use any ( x )\t cle>+ fir/ ) me40 ,i agre$ & 8 secret>y 0 s5t =4 ,! dossi] 0 a ?9 b\nd manuscript4 8,x's a c>bon b ,i want x back4 ,y won't f9d any?+ v /rik+ b y ought to read x = ! backgr\nd4 ,nev] be5 m>ri$1 no girl fri5ds t anybody rememb]s 444 no boy fri5ds ei!r 7:at a heada*e t problem is 9 ,hollywood1 = a firm l ours74 ,no police record4 ,no tickets = d\ble p>k+1 ev54 ,a beautiful1 beautiful record on :i* to build40 8,p]haps a little negative40 8,t's :at we l4 ,z = ! guy's "*1 8 ,i4,q41 y\r guess is z good z m9e1 probably bett]4 ,:5 ,i'm ) him alone1 we talk ab\t ! campaign & he's v relax$1 v s5sible1 bus9esslike3 doesn't prea* or c>ry on4 ,he seems to und]/& all ! problems ( our end4 ,he's coop]ative40 8,c y look him /raight 9 ! eye80 ,paul laugh$4 8,gives y ! creeps1 doesn't x8 ,no1 ,i guess ,i don't look at him v mu*4 ,i'm glad y m5tion$ t because ,i've a hun* he's a hypnoti/ ( "s k9d ?\gh !re's no record ( 8 ev] hav+ /udi$ x4 ,i ?9k ,i'll get a psy*ologi/ to take a look at him40 8,d y ?9k he'll l t80 8,oh1 he'll nev] "k unless he's a m9d read]4 ,somebody to sort ( obs]ve him at "w4 ,i've already _h him *eck$ out physically40 8,y're v ?or\gh40 8,h to be4 ,he's got a duod5al ulc] & !re's a dang] ( high blood pressure :5 he's old]2 o!rwise he's 9 f9e %ape40 8,:at d y want me to d fir/80 ,he became s]i\s4 8,a pamphlet4 ,y might make a highbr[ magaz9e article out ( x = ! ,read]s' ,dige/ or some?+ fir/4 ,we'll want a cle>1 simple /atem5t ( ! ,cavite philosophy40 8,:y don't y get him to write x80 8,i've tri$4 ,he says he c't write any?+4 ,9 fact he ev5 hates to h 8 s]mons tak5 d[n by a record]4 ,god kn[s :y4 ,b1 9 a way1 x's all to ! good because x means we c get all ! tal5t we l to d ! writ+ = u & t way1 soon] or lat]1 we c appeal to j ab\t ev]ybody40 8,:om am ,i suppos$ to appeal to 9 ?is fir/ pamphlet80 8,! ord9>y p]son1 b make x z foolpro( z y c2 leave pl5ty ( doors op5 s y c get out fa/ 9 case we swit* ! p>ty l9e along ! way40 ,i laugh$4 8,y're extraord9>ily cynical40 8,j practical4 ,i _h to le>n ev]y?+ ! h>d way4 ,i 0 kick$ ar\nd by "s mighty exp]t kick]s 9 my day40 ,i *eck$ 8 fl[ ( rem9isc5ce4 8,tell me ab\t ,cave & ,iris40 ,?is 0 ! second>y my/]y :i* _h occupi$ my m9d = sev]al days4 ,b ,paul did n "k or1 if he did1 w\ld n say4 8,i ?9k !y're j good fri5ds1 l we say 9 ^! p>ts4 ,except t ,i d\bt if any?+ is go+ on 444 !y don't seem ! type & %e's s completely gone on :at he has to say44440 ,a long-legg$ girl secret>y 9 discreet black ent]$ ! room unbidd5 & :isp]$ some?+ to ! publici/ ,paul />t$ z ?\gh %e _h giv5 him an electric %ock f ! ?ick c>pet+4 ,he spoke quickly3 8,get ,furl[4 ,tell him to /& bail4 ,also get a writ4 ,i'll be "r d[n !re40 ,%e ran f ! room4 ,he pu%$ ! b> away f him & x roll$ aimlessly across ! floor1 its bottles & glasses *att]+4 ,paul look$ at me di/ract$ly4 8,he's 9 jail4 ,cave's 9 jail40 ,,five #a ,la/ night ! noise ( my he>t's beat+ kept me awake until ne>ly dawn4 ,!n1 z ! gray w>m light ( ! morn+ patt]n$ ! floor1 ,i fell asleep & dream$ uneasily ( disa/]1 my dreams di/urb$ by ! noise ( jackals1 by t jackal-head$ god :o hov]s ov] me z ^! la/ days unfold confus$ly be=e my eyes3 x w end 9 heat & t]ror1 alone beside a muddy riv]1 all "t z "o & t soon gone4 ,i awak5$1 brea?less & cold1 ) a t]ror ( ! dy+ /ill ahead4 ,aft] c(fee & pills1 ^? assort$ pellets :i* seem to re/ore me = mom5ts at a "t to a false s]5ity1 ,i put aside ! nightm>e _w ( ! previ\s re/less h\rs & idly exam9$ ! pages :i* ,i _h writt5 ) an eye to r]ead+ !m /raight ?r\gh1 to relive aga9 = a "t ! old drama :i* is already1 z ,i write1 sep>at+ itself f my memory & becom+ real only 9 ! prose3 ,i ?9k n[ ( ^! ev5ts z ,i h told !m & n z !y occur to me 9 memory4 ,= ! memory n[ is ( pages & n ( sc5es or ( actual human be+s /ill exi/+ 9 t baleful1 t5ebr\s region ( ! imag9ation :]e fancy & fact toge!r confuse ev5 ! mo/ confid5t ( n>rators4 ,i h1 ?us f> at lea/1 exorcis$ demons1 & to h lo/ c]ta9 memories to my n>rative relieves my sy/em1 l a canc] cut :ole f a fail+ organism4 ,! boy br\ght me my morn+ c(fee & ! local newspap] ^: ,arabic text pleases my eye ?\gh ! s5se1 :5 ,i d translate x1 is less ?an /range4 ,i ask$ ! boy if ,mr4 ,butl] 0 awake & he said he _h gone out already3 ^! la/ few days ,i h kept to my room ev5 = ! ev5+ meal1 delay+ ! inevitable revelation z long z possible4 ,aft] ! boy left & :ile ,i drank c(fee & look$ out ^u ! riv] & ! we/]n hills1 ,i 0 consci\s ( a s5se ( well-be+ :i* ,i h n (t5 exp]i5c$ 9 rec5t ye>s4 ,p]haps ! "w ( evok+ ! pa/ has1 9 a s5se1 enhanc$ ! pres5t = me4 ,i ?\ght ( ! "w done z life pres]v$1 z "p ( me :i* w rema94 ,!n1 idly1 ,i riffl$ ! pages ( ,john ,cave's ,te/am5t = ! fir/ "t s9ce ,i _h discov]$ my "n _h be5 expung$4 ,! op5+ 0 ! famili> "o :i* ,i _h compos$ s _m ye>s be=e 9 ,cave's "n4 ,! "t ( div9ation3 a /raight=w>d acc\nt ( ! app>5t wond]s :i* _h prec$$ ! mission4 ,no cr$5ce 0 giv5 ! sup]natural b a good case 0 made 7borr[$ a little f ! m5tal !rapi/s7 = ! race's ne$ ( ph5om5a z a symptom ( unease & bor$om & anticipation4 ,i flick$ ?r\gh ! pages4 ,an entire new "p _h be5 add$ :i* ,i did n recognize3 /ill writt5 z ?\gh by ,cave b1 obvi\sly1 x c\ld n h be5 compos$ until at lea/ a decade aft] 8 dea?4 ,i read ! new section c>efully4 ,:oev] _h writt5 x _h be5 /rongly "u ! influ5ce ( ! pragmatic philosoph]s1 ?\gh ! /yle 0 some:at inspirational3 a comb9ation ( a guide to popul>ity cross$ ) ! ,koran4 ,a :ole sy/em ( ideal behavior 0 sket*$ broadly = ! dev\t1 s broadly z to be fairly useless ?\gh ! comm5t>y & ! int]pretive analysis ( su* l9es z3 8,prop]ty really belongs to ! _w ?\gh individuals may h tempor>y li5s on c]ta9 sections10 mu/ be already prodigi\s4 ,i 0 well into ! metaphysics ( ! ,cavites :5 !re 0 a knock on my door4 ,x 0 ,butl]1 look+ r$ & uncom=table f ! heat1 a spott$ r$ b&ana ti$1 = "s inscrutable reason1 ab\t 8 head 9 place ( a hat4 8,hope y don't m9d my b>g+ 9 l ?is b ,i f9i%$ a visit ) ! mayor e>li] ?an ,i ?\ght40 ,he crumpl$1 on invitation1 into a *air opposite me4 ,he sigh$ gloomily4 8,?is is go+ to be t\gh1 t\gh] ?an ,i ev] imag9$ back home40 8,i told y x w\ld be4 ,! ,moslems are v ob/9ate40 8,i'll say6 & ! old devil ( a mayor practically told me po9t-blank t if he caught me proselyt+ he'd s5d me back to ,cairo4 ,imag9e ! n]ve60 8,well1 x is _! c\ntry10 ,i said1 reasonably1 exp]i5c+ my fir/ real hope3 might ! ,cavites n get !mselves expell$ f ,islam8 ,i knew ! mayor ( ,luxor1 a g5ial m]*ant :o /ill enjoy$ ! obsolete title ( ,pa%a4 ,! possibilities ( a d>+ plot occurr$ to me4 ,all ,i ne$$ 0 ano!r ye> or two by :i* "t nature w\ld h done its "w 9 any case & ! conque/ ( humanity by ! ,cavites c\ld !n cont9ue its progress )\t my bitt] pres5ce4 ,i look$ at ,butl] speculatively4 ,he 0 su* a fool4 ,i c\ld1 ,i 0 sure1 undo him1 = a "t at lea/2 unless ( c\rse he 01 z ,i fir/ expect$1 an ag5t come to f9i% me 9 fact z absolutely z ,i h be5 f9i%$ 9 effect by ^? revisioni/s :o h tak5 my place among ! ,cavites1 arrang+ hi/ory4444 ,i'd exp]i5c$1 briefly1 :ile /udy+ ,butl]'s copy ( ! ,te/am5t1 ! unn]v+ s5se ( hav+ nev] liv$1 ( hav+ dream$ ! pa/ entire4 8,maybe x is _! c\ntry b we got ! tru?1 & l ,paul ,himmell said3 ',a tru? kn[n to only half ! _w is b half a tru?4'0 8,did he say t80 8,( c\rse he did4 ,don't y44440 he paus$4 ,8 eye tak+ 9 at la/ ! book 9 my h&4 ,8 expression s(t5$ some:at1 l a p>5t 9 ang] notic+ sudd5ly an ende>+ resemblance to himself 9 ! (f5d+ *ild4 8,b ,i =get h[ isolat$ y've be5 up "h4 ,if ,i've int]rupt$ y\r /udies1 ,i'll g away40 8,oh no4 ,i 0 f9i%$ :5 y came4 ,i've be5 /udy+ = sev]al h\rs :i* is too long = an old man40 8,if a contemplation ( ,cavesword c ev] be too long10 said ,butl] rev]5tly4 8,yes1 ,himmell wrote t ev5 be=e ,cavesword1 9 ! mon? ( ,m>*1 ,i believe1 ?\gh we'll h to ask my colleague :5 he comes4 ,he kn[s all ! dates1 all ! facts4 ,rem>kable guy4 ,he has ! bra9s ( ! team40 ,& ,butl] laugh$ to %[ t he 0 n entirely s]i\s4 8,i ?9k !y might respond to pressure10 ,i said1 trea*]\sly4 8,"o ?+ ! ,arabs respect is =ce40 8,y may be "r4 ,b our in/ructions are to g sl[4 ,/ill1 ,i didn't ?9k x w\ld be z sl[ z ?is4 ,:y we hav5't be5 able to get a build+ yet4 ,!y've all be5 told by ! ,pa%a fell[ n to r5t to u40 8,p]haps ,i c\ld talk to him40 8,d y "k him well80 8,we us$ to play c>ds q regul>ly4 ,i hav5't se5 mu* ( him 9 ! pa/ few ye>s b1 if y'd l1 ,i'll g & pay him a call40 8,he's kn[n all along y're a ,cavite1 hasn't he80 8,we h kept (f ! subject ( religion entirely4 ,z y probably discov]$1 s9ce ! division ( ! _w1 !re's be5 little communication betwe5 ,ea/ & ,we/4 ,i don't ?9k he kn[s mu* ab\t ! ,cavites except t !y're undesirable40 8,poor creature10 said ,butl]1 compassionately4 8,out] d>kness10 ,i agre$4 8,b m>k my words be=e t5 ye>s h pass$ !y w h ! tru?40 8,i h no d\bt ( t1 ,communicator1 none at all4 ,if ! o!rs :o come out h ev5 a t5? ( y\r devotion ! "w w g fa/40 ,! easy words ( praise came back to me me*anically f ^? decades :5 a l>ge "p ( my "w 0 organizational1 spurr+ ! m$iocre on to great de$s 444 & ! tru? ( ! matt] has be51 traditionally1 t ! unimag9ative are ! /uff f :i* h]oes & m>tyrs are inv>iably made4 8,?anks = ^? k9d words10 said ,butl]1 flu%$ n[ ) pleasure z well z heat4 8,:i* rem9ds me1 ,i 0 go+ to ask y if y'd l to help u ) our "w once we get go+80 8,i'd l no?+ bett] b ,i'm afraid my ye>s ( useful s]vice are ov]4 ,any advice1 h[ev]1 or p]haps influ5ce t ,i may h 9 ,luxor44440 ,!re 0 a w>m mom5t ( mutual e/eem & amiability1 brok5 only by a ref]5ce to ! ,squad ( ,belief4 8,( c\rse we'll h "o "h 9 "t2 ?\gh we c say1 ?ankfully1 t ! ne$ = !m 9 ! ,atlantic /ates is ne>ly ov]4 ,naturally1 !re are always a few malcont5ts b we h work$ out a /ati/ical ratio ( noncon=mi/s 9 ! population :i* is surpris+ly accurate4 ,kn[+ _! incid5ce1 we are able to *eck !m e>ly4 ,9 g5]al1 h[ev]1 ! tru? is happily asc5dant ev]y:]e 9 ! really civiliz$ _w40 8,:at are _! me?ods n[80 8,! ,squad ( ,belief's8 ,psy*ological indoctr9ation4 ,we n[ h me?ods ( conv]t+ ev5 ! mo/ ob/9ate lu!ri/4 ,( c\rse :]e usual me?ods fail 7& once 9 e fifte5 hundr$ !y d71 ! ,squad is au?oriz$ to remove a section ( bra9 :i* effectively does ! trick ( mak+ ! lu!ri/ con=m1 ?\gh 8 usefulness 9 a numb] ( o!r sph]es is some:at impair$3 ,i'm told he has to le>n all ov] aga9 h[ to talk & to move ar\nd40 8,lu!ri/8 ,i don't recognize ! ^w40 8,y c]ta9ly h be5 cut (f f ! _w40 ,butl] look$ at me curi\sly1 almo/ suspici\sly4 8,i ?\ght ev5 9 y\r day t 0 a common expression4 ,x means anybody :o refuses willfully to "k ! tru?40 8,:at does x come f80 8,come f80 ,semantics 7 ei!r no long] taught or else ,butl] _h nev] be5 int]e/$ 9 !m4 8,:y x j means1 well1 a lu!ri/40 8,i wond]1 ?\gh1 :at ! d]ivation ( x 040 ,i 0 excit$3 ?is 0 ! only sign t ,i _h ev] exi/$1 a ^w ( obscure orig9 connot+ noncon=mi/4 8,i'm afraid we'll h to ask my side-kick :5 he comes4 ,i don't suppose x came f "o ( ^? ,*ri/ian sects 444 y "k ! ,g]man "o :i* broke ) ,rome40 8,t mu/ be x10 ,i said4 8,i don't suppose 9 rec5t ye>s !re h be5 z _m lu!ri/s z !re once 740 8,v1 v few4 ,z ,i say1 we've got x d[n to a calculable m9ority & our psy*ologi/s are try+ to "w out "s me?od :]eby we c spot pot5tial lu!ri/s 9 *ildhood & indoctr9ate !m be=e x's too late 444 b ( c\rse ! problem is a negligible "o 9 ! ,atlantic /ates4 ,we've _h no s]i\s tr\ble = =ty ye>s40 8,=ty ye>s 444 t 0 ! "t ( all ! tr\ble10 ,i said4 8,n s mu* tr\ble10 said ,butl]1 undo+ ! b&ana & mopp+ 8 face ) x4 8,! la/ fl>e-up1 ,i ga!r1 ( ! old ,*ri/ians 444 hi/ory makes v little ( x ?\gh ,i suppose at ! "t x mu/ h seem$ important4 ,n[ t we h m p]spective we c view ?+s 9 _! prop] light4 ,i 0 only a kid 9 ^? days &1 frankly1 ,i don't ?9k ,i paid any att5tion to ! pap]s4 ,( c\rse y rememb] x40 ,he look$ at me sudd5ly1 8 great vacu\s eyes focus$4 ,my he>t miss$ "o ( its prec>i\s beats3 0 ?is ! beg9n+8 _h ! inquisition begun8 8,n well10 ,i said4 8,i 0 seldom 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates4 ,i'd be5 digg+ 9 ,c5tral ,am]ica1 9 & ar\nd ! ,pet54 ,i miss$ mo/ ( ! tr\ble40 8,y seem to h miss$ a good deal40 ,8 voice 0 equable1 )\t a trace ( second>y mean+4 8,i've _h a quiet life4 ,i'm grateful ?\gh = y\r com+ "h2 o!rwise4 ,i %\ld h di$ )\t any contact ) ,am]ica1 )\t ev] kn[+ :at 0 happ5+ outside ! ,arab ,league40 8,well1 we'll %ake ?+s up ar\nd "h40 8,%ake well be=e us+10 ,i quot$ abs5tly4 8,:at did y say80 8,i said ,i hop$ all w\ld be well40 8,i'm sure x w4 ,by ! way1 ,i br\ght y ! new edition ( ,cave's prison dialogues40 ,he pull$ a small booklet f 8 back pocket & h&$ x to me4 8,?ank y40 ,i took ! booklet3 dialogues betwe5 ,cave & ,iris ,mortim]4 ,i _h nev] be=e he>d ( ?is p>ticul> "w4 8,is ?is a rec5t discov]y80 ,i ask$4 8,rec5t8 ,:y no4 ,x's ! newe/ edition b ( c\rse ! text goes "r back to ! e>ly days :5 ,cave 0 9 prison40 8,oh1 yes1 9 ,cali=nia40 8,sure2 x 0 ! beg9n+ ( ! p]secutions4 ,well1 ,i've got to be on my way40 ,he got heavily to 8 feet & arrang$ ! b&ana ab\t 8 head4 8,somebody /ole my hat4 ,p]secut+ me1 ,i'll bet my bottom doll> 444 little ways4 ,well1 ,i'm prep>$ = !m4 ,!y c't /op u4 ,soon] or lat] ! :ole _w w be ,cavite40 8,am510 ,i said4 8,:at80 ,he look$ at me ) %ock4 8,i'm an old man10 ,i said ha/ily4 8,y mu/ recall ,i 0 br\ght up 9 ! old ,*ri/ianity4 ,su* expressions /ill l+] on1 y "k40 8,x's a good ?+ !re's no ,squad ( ,belief 9 ,luxor10 said ,butl] *e]ily4 8,!y'd h y up = indoctr9ation 9 a second40 8,i d\bt if x'd be wor? _! tr\ble4 ,soon ,i %all be )draw+ f ! _w altoge!r40 8,i suppose s4 ,y hav5't ?\ght ( tak+ ,cavesway h y80 8,( c\rse1 _m times1 b s9ce my heal? has be5 good ,i've be5 9 no great hurry to leave my contemplation ( ^? hills40 ,i po9t$ to ! we/]n w9d[4 8,n[ ,i %\ld hesitate to die until ! v la/ mom5t1 out ( curiosity4 ,i'm eag] to le>n1 to help z mu* z possible 9 y\r "w "h40 8,well1 t ( c\rse is good news b %\ld y ev] want to take 8 way let me "k4 ,we h "s m>vell\s me?ods n[1 extremely pleasant to take &1 z he said1 ',x's n dea? :i* is h>d b dy+4' ,we've f9ally made dy+ simply swell40 8,w wond]s nev] cease80 8,9 t dep>tm5t1 nev]6 ,x is ! firm basis ( our tru?4 ,n[ ,i mu/ be (f40 8,is y\r colleague due "h soon80 8,hav5't he>d rec5tly4 ,i don't suppose ! plans h be5 *ang$1 ?\gh4 ,y'll l him40 8,i'm sure ,i %all40 #b ,& s ,john ,cave's p]iod 9 jail 0 n[ kn[n z ! "t ( p]secution1 ) a pi\s prison dialogue attribut$ to ,iris4 ,be=e ,i return$ to my "w ( recollection1 ,i glanc$ at ! dialogue ^: /yle 0 en\gh l ,iris's to h be5 h] "w4 ,b ( c\rse h] /yle 0 n "o :i* c\ld ev] h be5 call$ inimitable s9ce x 0 bas$ on ! mo/ insi/5t ( tw5tie?-c5tury adv]tis+ te*niques4 ,i assum$ ! book 0 ! "w ( o!rs1 ( ^? anonym\s c\nt]feit]s :o _h creat$1 accord+ to a li/ ( publications on ! back ( ! booklet1 a weal? ( ,cavite doctr9e4 ,! conv]sation ) ,cave 9 prison 0 l(ty 9 tone & seem$ to deal ) moral problems4 ,x 0 app>5t t s9ce ! task ( gov]n+ is l>gely "o ( keep+ ord]1 x _h become1 ) ! passage ( "t1 necess>y = ! ,cavite rul]s to compose 9 ,cave's "n diff]5t works ( e?ical in/ruction to be us$ = ! guidance & control ( ! population4 ,i assume t s9ce !y n[ control all records1 all orig9al s\rces1 x is an easy matt] = !m to 8discov]0 "s relevant text :i* gives cle> answ] to any moral or political problem :i* has n be5 anticipat$ 9 previ\s comm5t>ies4 ,! "w ( falsify+ records1 expung+ names is1 ,i %\ld ?9k1 some:at m tricky b !y seem to h accompli%$ x 9 ,cave's ,te/am5t1 braz5ly assum+ t ^? :o recall ! e>li] v]sions w die (f 9 "t1 leav+ a g5]ation :i* kn[s only :at !y wi% x to "k1 except+ ( c\rse ! 8calculable m9ority0 ( noncon=mi/s1 ( base ,lu!ri/s4 ,cave's t]m 9 prison 0 f> less dramatic ?an (ficial leg5d1 ?\gh m s]i\s4 ,he 0 jail$ = hit-&-run driv+ on ! highway f ,santa ,monica into ,los ,angeles4 ,i w5t to see him t ev5+ ) ,paul4 ,:5 we arriv$ at ! jail1 we 7 n all[$ ne> him ?\gh ,paul's lawy]s _h be5 p]mitt$ to g inside a few m9utes be=e our arrival4 ,iris 0 sitt+ 9 ! out] (fice1 pale & %ak54 ,a bor$ policeman 9 uni=m sat fatly at a desk at ! o!r end ( ! (fice1 ignor+ u4 8,!y're ! be/ lawy]s 9 ,l4,a410 said ,paul quickly4 8,!y'll get him out 9 no "t40 ,iris look$ at him bleakly4 8,:at happ5$80 ,i ask$1 sitt+ d[n beside h] on ! b5*4 8,h[ did x happ580 8,i wasn't ) him40 ,%e %ook h] head sev]al times z ?\gh to dispel a pr(\nd daydream4 8,he call$ me & ,i call$ y4 ,!y are ! be/1 ,paul80 8,i c v\* t44440 8,did he kill anybody80 8,we 444 we don't "k yet4 ,he hit an old man & w5t on driv+4 ,i don't "k :y2 ,i mean :y he didn't /op4 ,he j w5t on & ! police c> caught him4 ,! man's 9 ! hospital n[4 ,!y say x's bad2 he's unconsci\s1 an old man 4440 8,any report]s "h80 ask$ ,paul4 8,anybody else "k besides u80 8,nobody4 ,y're ! only p]son ,i call$40 8,?is c\ld wreck ev]y?+40 ,paul 0 fright5$4 ,b ,cave 0 rescu$1 at consid]able exp5se to ! company4 ,! old man *ose n to die imm$iately :ile ! police & ! c\rts ( ,los ,angeles1 at t "t well kn[n = _! accessibility to free-sp5d+ reason1 prov$ m ?an oblig+4 ,aft] a day & a night 9 prison4 ,cave 0 releas$ on bail & :5 ! case came to c\rt1 x 0 h&l$ discreetly by ! magi/rate4 ,! newspap]s1 h[ev]1 _h discov]$ ,john ,cave at la/ & !re 7 photographs ( 8,pres5t-,day ,messiah 9 ,c\rt40 ,z ill luck w\ld h x1 ! und]tak]s ( ,laguna _h come to ! aid ( _! prophet ) bann]s :i* proclaim$ 8 message4 ,?is picket+ ( ! c\rt 0 photograph$ & exhibit$ 9 ! tabloids4 ,paul 0 9 a fr5zy4 ,publici/ ?\gh he 01 9 8 fir/ rage he express$ to me ! novel s5tim5t t n all publicity 0 good4 8,b we'll get back at ^? ba/>ds10 he said grimly1 n id5tify+ :i* ones he meant b wav+ t[>d ! city hidd5 by ! ,v5etian bl9ds ( 8 (fice w9d[4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i ask$ = in/ructions4 ,cave _h1 ! day be=e1 gone back to ,wa%+ton to lie l[ until ! "t 0 "r = a triumphant reappe>ance4 ,iris _h gone ) him2 on a sep>ate plane1 h[ev]1 to avoid sc&al4 ,cl>issa _h s5t v>i\s he>t5+ if confus$ messages f ,new ,york :ile ,paul & ,i 7 left alone to ga!r up ! pieces & beg9 aga94 ,our close association dur+ ^? difficult days impress$ me ) 8 tal5ts & ?\gh1 fundam5tally1 ,i /ill f\nd him appall+1 ,i c\ldn't help b admire 8 sup]b op]ativ5ess4 8,i'm go+ ahead ) ! orig9al plan 444 j l none ( ?is happ5$4 ,! /ockhold]s are will+ & we've got en\gh money1 ?\gh n z mu* z ,i'd l1 = ! publicity build-up4 ,i expect ,cave'll pick up "s m ca% 9 ,seattle4 ,he always does1 :]ev] he goes40 8,millionaires j flock to him80 8,/range to tell1 yes4 ,b !n ne>ly ev]ybody does40 8,x's funny s9ce ! tru? he (f]s is all !re is to x4 ,once exp]i5c$1 !re's no long] mu* ne$ = ,cave or = an organization40 ,?is ( c\rse 0 ! p>adox :i* "t & ! unscrupul\s 7 bloodily to resolve4 ,paul's answ] 0 reasonable4 8,t's true b !re's ! problem ( %>+ x4 ,if millions felt ! same way ab\t dea? ! :ole _w w\ld be happi] &1 if x's happi]1 :y1 x'll be a bett] place to live 940 8,d y really believe ?is80 8,/ill ?9k ( me z a hundr$ p]c5t phony80 ,paul *uckl$ good-natur$ly4 8,well1 x s happ5s1 ,i d believe t4 ,x also s happ5s t if ?is ?+ clicks we'll h a _w organization & if we h t !re'll be a big place = numb] "o 9 x4 ,x's all mix$ up1 ,g5e4 ,i'd l to he> y\r motives1 /raight f ! %\ld]40 ,i 0 n prep>$ to answ] him1 or myself4 ,9 fact1 to ?is day1 my own motives are a puzzle to :i* !re is no s+le key1 no easy def9ition4 ,"o is n1 aft] all1 l ^? classic or neo-classic figures :o wore ) su* spl5did mono-maniacal consi/5cy ! sc>let ( lu/ or ! purple ( dom9ion1 or ! bright yell[ ( madness1 exi/+ n at all b5ea? _! id5tify+ robes4 ,p[] appeal$ to me 9 my y\? b only z a m9or pleasure & n z an end 9 itself or ev5 z a means to any private or public end4 ,i enjoy$ ! idea ( guid+ & dom9at+ o!rs1 pref]ably 9 ! mass2 yet1 at ! same "t1 ,i did n l ! bor$om ( p[] a*iev$1 or ! silly publicness ( a great life4 ,b !re 0 some?+ :i*1 (t5 aga9/ my w & judgm5t1 precipitat$ me into de$s & attitudes :]e ! logic ( ! mom5t controll$ me to su* an ext5t t ,i c\ld n less51 if ,i *ose1 ! mom5tum ( my own wild passage1 or *>t its c\rse4 ,i w\ld n h confid$ ?is to ,paul ev5 _h ,i 9 ^? days ?\ght any ( x out1 :i* ,i _h n4 ,?\gh ,i 0 consci\s ( "s fundam5tal ambival5ce 9 myself1 ,i always felt t %\ld ,i pause = a few mom5ts & "q myself1 ,i c\ld easily f9d answ]s to ^! problems4 ,b ,i did n pause4 ,i nev] ask$ myself a s+le "q conc]n+ motive4 ,i act$ l a man sleep+ :o 0 only b>ely made consci\s by c]ta9 odd incongruities t he dreams4 ,! secret :i* lat] ,i 0 to discov] 0 /ill unreveal$ to me z ,i fac$ ! effici5t vulg>ity ( ,paul ,himmell across ! portable b> :i* reflect$ s brightly 9 its cry/al 8 compet5ce4 8,my motives are p]fectly simple10 ,i said1 half-believ+ :at ,i said4 ,9 ^? days ! m sweep+ ! /atem5t ! m apt ,i 0 to give x my fickle allegiance3 motives are simple1 spl5did6 simple !y are4 8,i want some?+ to d4 ,i'm fasc9at$ by ,cave & ,i believe :at he says 444 n t x is s supremely e>?%ak+4 ,x's be5 advanc$ z a !ory (f & on = two ?\s& ye>s4 ,kant wrote t he anticipat$ ) delight ! luxuri\s sleep ( ! grave & ! ,gno/ics came close to say+ ! same ?+ :5 !y promis$ a glad lib]ation f life4 ,! ,ea/]n religions1 ab\t :i* ,i "k v little1 ma9ta9 4440 8,t's x60 ,paul int]rupt$ me eag]ly4 8,t's :at we want4 ,y j keep on l t4 ,we'll call x ',an ,introduction to ,john ,cave4' ,make a small book out ( x4 ,get x publi%$ 9 ,new ,york2 !n ! company w buy up copies & we'll pass x out free40 8,i'm n s sure t ,i "k en\gh =mal philosophy to 4440 8,to hell ) t /uff4 ,y j root ar\nd & %[ h[ ! old writ]s 7 really ,cavites at he>t & !n y come to him & put d[n :at he says4 ,:y we'll be half-!re ev5 be=e he's on ,,tv60 ,paul laps$ = a mom5t into a rev]ie ( promotion4 ,i _h ano!r dr9k & felt q good myself al?\gh ,i _h s]i\s d\bts ab\t my compet5ce to compose philosophy 9 ! popul> key4 ,b ,paul's fai? 0 infecti\s & ,i felt t1 all 9 all1 ) a bit ( judici\s h$g+ & rec\rse to v>i\s explicit summ>ies & def9itions1 ,i might put toge!r a respectable ance/ry = ,cave ^: message1 ess5tially1 ignor$ all philosophy1 empiric & orphic1 mov+ ) hypnotic effectiv5ess to ! ma9 proposition3 dea? & man's acceptance ( x4 ,! problems ( life 7 always q second>y to ,cave1 if n to ! re/ ( u4 8,:5 w y want ?is piece done80 8,! soon] ! bett]4 ,"h10 he scribbl$ an address on a pad ( pap]4 8,?is is ,cave's address4 ,he's on a f>m outside ,spokane4 ,x belongs to "o ( 8 und]tak] fri5ds40 8,iris is ) him80 8,yes4 ,n[ y 4440 8,i wond] if t's wise1 ,iris see+ s mu* ( him4 ,y "k he's go+ to h a good _m enemies be=e v long & !y'll dig ar\nd = any sc&al !y c f9d40 8,oh1 x's p]fectly innoc5t1 ,i'm sure4 ,ev5 if x isn't1 ,i c't see h[ x c d mu* h>m40 8,= a public relations man y don't seem to grasp ! possibilities = bad publicity 9 ?is situation40 8,all pub 4440 8,is good4 ,b ,cave1 x appe>s is a g5u9e ascetic40 ,& ! ^w 8g5u9e0 z ,i spoke x 0 l a knife-blade 9 my he>t4 8,&1 s9ce he is1 y h a trem5d\s advantage 9 build+ him up4 ,!re's no use 9 all[+ him1 q innoc5tly1 to appe> to phil&]40 ,paul look$ at me curi\sly4 8,y w\ldn't by *ance be int]e/$ 9 ,iris y\rself80 ,& ( c\rse t 0 x4 ,i _h become atta*$ to ,iris 9 precisely ! same sort ( way a complete man might h be5 b ( c\rse = me !re 0 no hope1 no?+4 ,! enormity ( t no?+ %ook me1 despite ! alcohol we _h drunk4 ,i 0 suffici5tly collect$1 ?\gh1 n to make ! mi/ake ( vehem5ce4 8,i l h] v mu* b ,i'm m atta*$ to ! idea ( ,cave ?an ,i am to h]4 ,i don't want to see ! bus9ess get out ( h&4 ,t's all4 ,i'm surpris$ y1 ( all p involv$1 ar5't m conc]n$40 8,y may h a po9t4 ,i suppose ,i've got to adju/ my views to ?is ?+ 444 x's diff]5t f my usual "w build+ up croon]s & movie />s4 ,9 t l9e ! romance angle is swell1 j z long z !re're no bigamies or abortions involv$4 ,i see y\r po9t1 ?\gh4 ,) ,cave we h to ?9k 9 sort ( ,legion ( ,dec5cy t]ms4 ,no r\gh /uff4 ,no nightclub pictures or pos+ ) blondes4 ,y're absolutely "r4 ,put t 9 y\r piece3 doesn't dr9k1 doesn't g out ) dames44440 ,i laugh$ at ?is s]i\sness4 8,maybe we won't h to g t f>4 ,! negative virtues usually %9e ?r\gh all on _! own4 ,! m9ute y draw att5tion to !m y create suspicion3 p are g5]ally pleas$ to suspect ! opposite ( e av[al40 8,y talk j l my analy/40 ,& ,i felt t ,i _h won1 briefly1 ,paul's admiration4 8,anyway1 y g to ,spokane2 talk to ,iris2 tell h] to lay (f 444 9 a tactful way ( c\rse4 ,i w\ldn't m5tion x to him3 y nev] c tell h[ he'll react4 ,%e'll be reasonable ev5 ?\gh ,i suspect %e's /uck on ! man4 ,try & get y\r piece done by ! fir/ ( ,decemb]4 ,i'd l to h x 9 pr9t = ! fir/ ( ! ,new ,ye>1 ,cave's ye>40 8,i'll try40 8,by ! way1 we're gett+ an (fice 444 same build+ z ?is4 ,! directors okay$ x & we'll take ov] z soon z !re's "s furniture 9 x40 8,cavites1 ,inc480 8,we c\ld h>dly call x ! ,*ur* ( ! ,gold5 ,rule10 said ,paul ) "o ( ! few %[s ( irritability ,i 0 ev] to obs]ve 9 8 equable disposition4 8,n[1 on behalf ( ! directors1 ,i'm au?oriz$ to advance y :atev] money y might feel y ne$ = ?is project2 t is1 )9 4440 8,i won't ne$ any?+ except1 p]haps1 a director%ip 9 ! company40 ,my own boldness />tl$ me4 ,paul laugh$4 8,t's a good boy4 ,eye on ! ma9 *ance4 ,well1 we'll see :at we c d ab\t t4 ,!re ar5't any m %>es available "r n[ b t doesn't mean4444 ,i'll let y "k :5 y get back f ,spokane40 ,our meet+ 0 end$ by ! appe>ance ( 8 secret>y :o call$ him away to o!r bus9ess4 ,z we p>t$ 9 ! out] (fice1 he said1 q s]i\sly1 8,i don't ?9k ,iris likes him ! way y ?9k b if %e does be c>eful4 ,we c't upset ,cave n[4 ,?is is a tricky "t = ev]yone4 ,don't %[ t y suspect any?+ :5 y're ) him4 ,lat]1 :5 we're "u way1 & !re's less pressure1 ,i'll h&le x4 ,agre$80 ,i agre$1 secretly pleas$ at be+ ?\ght 9 love 444 89 love10 to ?is mom5t ! phrase has a /rangely =eign s\nd to me1 l a classical allusion n entirely und]/ood 9 "s decor\s1 s*ol>ly text4 8,9 love10 ,i :isp]$ to myself 9 ! elevator z ,i left ,paul t ev5+3 9 love ) ,iris4 #c ,we met at ! ,spokane railroad /ation & ,iris drove me ?r\gh ! wide1 cle>1 *>act]less /reets to a c\ntry road :i* w\nd ea/ into ! hills1 9 ! direction ( a t[n ) ! lovely "n ( ,coeur d',al5e4 ,%e 0 relax$4 ,h] ord9>ily pale face 0 fa9tly burn$ f ! sun :ile h] hair1 :i* ,i recall$ z d>kly wav+1 0 n[ /reak$ ) light & worn loosely b\nd at ! nape ( h] neck4 ,%e wore no cosmetics & h] dress 0 simple cotton b5ea? ! sweat] %e wore aga9/ ! autumn's *ill4 ,%e look$ "y1 y\ng] ?an ei!r ( u actually 04 ,at fir/ we talk$ ( ,spokane4 ,%e id5tifi$ m\nta9s & indicat$ hidd5 villages ) an emphasis on places :i* %>ply recall$ ,cave4 ,n until we _h turn$ (f ! ma9 highway into a c\ntry road1 d>k ) fir & spruce1 did %e ask me ab\t ,paul4 8,he's v busy gett+ ! ,new ,ye>'s debut ready4 ,he's also got a set ( (fices = ! company 9 ,los ,angeles & he's engag$ me to write an introduction to ,cave 444 b ,i suppose y knew t :5 he wir$ y ,i 0 com+40 8,x 0 my idea40 8,my com+8 or ! introduction80 8,bo?4 ,i talk$ to him ab\t x j be=e we came up "h40 8,& ,i ?\ght he pick$ x out ( ! air :ile li/5+ to me maje/ically place ,cave among ! philosoph]s40 ,iris smil$4 8,paul's n obvi\s4 ,he enjoys lay+ traps &1 z long z !y're = "o's own good1 he's v useful40 8,imply+ he c\ld be de/ructive80 8,imm5sely4 ,s be on y\r gu>d ev5 ?\gh ,i don't ?9k he'll h>m any ( u40 8,h[ is ,cave80 8,i'm worri$1 ,g5e4 ,he hasn't got ov] t accid5t4 ,he talks ab\t x cont9ually40 8,b ! man didn't die40 8,x w\ld be bett] if he did 444 z x is !re's a *ance ( a lawsuit aga9/ ,cave = damages40 8,b he has no money40 8,t doesn't prev5t !m f su+4 ,wor/ ( all1 ?\gh1 w\ld be ! publicity4 ,! :ole ?+ has depress$ ,john t]ribly4 ,x 0 all ,i c\ld d to keep him f ann\nc+ to ! press t he _h almo/ done ! old man a favor40 8,y mean by kill+ him80 ,iris nodd$1 q s]i\sly4 8,t's actually :at he believes & ! reason :y he drove on40 8,i'm glad he said no?+ l t to ! pap]s40 8,b x's true2 8 po9t ( view is exactly "r40 8,except t ! old man might reg>d ! situation 9 a diff]5t light &1 9 any case1 he 0 badly hurt & did n receive ,cave's gift ( dea?40 8,n[ y're mak+ fun ( ,john40 ,%e fr[n$ & drove fa/ on ! empty road4 8,i'm do+ no su* ?+4 ,i'm absolutely s]i\s4 ,!re's a moral problem involv$ :i* is extremely important & if a prec$5t is set too e>ly1 a bad "o l ?is1 !re's no pr$ict+ h[ ?+s w turn out40 8,y mean ! 444 ! gift z y call x %\ld only be giv5 volunt>ily80 8,exactly 444 if !n1 & only 9 extreme cases4 ,?9k :at might happ5 if ^? :o li/5$ to ,cave decid$ to make all _! fri5ds & enemies cont5t by kill+ !m40 8,well1 ,i wi% y'd talk to him40 ,%e smil$ sadly4 8,i'm afraid ,i don't always see ?+s cle>ly :5 ,i'm ) him4 ,y "k h[ he is 444 h[ he conv9ces40 8,i'll talk to him tactfully4 ,i've also got to get a /atem5t ( belief f him40 8,b y h x already4 ,we all h x40 8,!n ,i'll want "s moral application ( x4 ,we h s mu* gr\nd to cov] yet40 8,!re's ! f>m1 up !re on ! hill40 ,a :ite frame build+ /ood %9+ among elms on a l[ hill at ! foot ( blue %>p m\nta9s4 ,%e turn$ up a dirt road &1 9 sil5ce1 we arriv$ at ! h\se4 ,an old woman1 ! cook1 greet$ u famili>ly & told ,iris t he c\ld be f\nd 9 ! /udy4 ,9 a small w>m room1 sitt+ beside a /one fireplace empty ( fire1 ,cave sat1 a scrapbook on 8 knees1 8 expression vague1 unfocus$4 ,our arrival recall$ him f "s d5se rev]ie4 ,he got to 8 feet quickly & %ook h&s2 8,i'm glad y came10 he said4 8,i want$ to see y10 ,i said awkw>dly3 x 0 ,cave's p>ticul> gift to /rike a note ( p5etrat+ s9c]ity at all times1 ev5 9 8 greet+s :i* became1 z a result1 disconc]t+ly l b5$ictions4 ,iris excus$ h]self & ,i sat beside him 9 front ( ! fireplace4 8,h y se5 ^!80 he ask$1 pu%+ ! scrapbook t[>d me4 ,i took x & nodd$ :5 ,i saw1 neatly pa/$ & label$1 ! v>i\s newspap] /ories conc]n+ ! accid5t4 ,x _h got a surpris+ly l>ge am\nt ( space z ?\gh1 in/9ctively1 ! editors _h anticipat$ a com+ celebrity = 8,hit-&-,run ,prophet40 8,look :at !y say ab\t me40 8,i've read !m all10 ,i said1 h&+ ! scrapbook back to him1 a little surpris$ t1 consid]+ 8 unworldl9ess1 he _h bo!r$ to keep su* c>eful track ( 8 appe>ance 9 ! press4 ,x %[$ a new1 r t\*+ side to him3 he 0 l an actor ho>d+ 8 notices1 good & bad4 8,i don't ?9k x's s]i\s3 aft] all y 7 let (f by ! c\rt1 & ! man didn't die40 8,x 0 an accid5t ( c\rse yet t old man ne>ly receiv$ ! greate/ gift a man c h1 a quick dea?4 ,i want$ to tell ! c\rt t4 ,i c\ld've conv9c$ !m1 ,i'm sure1 b ,paul said no4 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t ,i've ev] gone aga9/ my own in/9ct & ,i don't l x40 ,emphatically1 he %ut ! book4 ,we wat*$ ! cook :o came into ! room & lit ! fire4 ,:5 ! fir/ crackl+ fill$ ! room & ! p9e _h caught1 %e left1 obs]v+ t we 7 to eat 9 an h\r4 8,y want to wa% up80 ask$ ,cave me*anically1 8 eyes on ! fire1 8 h&s clasp$ 9 8 lap l ^? d+y m>ble replicas ( h&s :i* decorate m$ieval tombs3 t night !re 0 an unhuman look to ,cave3 pale1 )drawn1 in]t 444 8 lips b>ely mov+ :5 he spoke1 z ?\gh ano!r's voice spoke ?r\gh s5seless fle%4 8,no ?anks10 ,i said1 a little *ill$ by 8 tone1 by 8 remot5ess4 ,i got him (f ! subject ( ! accid5t z quickly z possible & we talk$ until d9n] ( ! introduction ,i 0 to write4 ,x 0 mo/ enlight5+4 ,z ,i suspect$1 ,cave _h read only ! ,bible & t sup]ficially1 j en\gh to be able1 at crucial mom5ts1 to affect ! sev5te5?-c5tury prose ( ! translators & to conf\nd !reby simple li/5]s ) ! famili> au?ority ( 8 mann]4 ,8 k ( philosophy did n ev5 encompass ! names ( ! pr9cipals4 ,plato & ,ari/otle rang fa9t1 unrelat$ bells & ) !m ! meag] c>illon end$4 8,i don't "k :y y want to drag 9 ^? p10 he said1 aft] ,i _h sugge/$ ,zoroa/] z a possible po9t ( beg9n+4 8,mo/ p h nev] he>d ( !m ei!r4 ,& :at ,i h to say is all my own4 ,x doesn't tie 9 ) any ( !m or1 if x does1 x's a co9cid5ce because ,i nev] pick$ x up any:]e40 8,i ?9k1 ?\gh1 t x w\ld help matt]s if we did provide a sort ( family tree = y1 to %[44440 8,i don't40 ,he ge/ur$ ) 8 effigy-h&s4 8,let !m argue ab\t x lat]4 ,= n[1 act l ?is is a new beg9n+1 :i* x is4 ,i h only "o ?+ to give p & t is ! way to die )\t fe>1 gladly 444 to accept no?+ = :at x is1 a long & dreamless sleep40 ,i _h to fight aga9/ t voice1 ^? eyes :i* z always1 :5 he *ose1 c\ld dom9ate any li/5]4 ,despite my close association ) him1 despite ! ?\s&s ( times ,i he>d him speak1 ,i 0 nev]1 ev5 9 mom5ts ( lucid dis5*antm5t1 q able to resi/ 8 p[]4 ,he 0 a magician 9 ! great l9e ( ,simon ,magus & ! ,fau/ ( leg5d4 ,t mu*1 ev5 n[1 ,i w ackn[l$ge 444 8 div9ity1 h[ev]1 0 & is ! "w ( o!rs1 %ap$ & direct$ by ! race's recurr5t ne$4 ,i surr5d]$ 9 ! "n ( philosophy ) a c]ta9 relief1 & he spoke 9 specific t]ms ( :at he believ$ & :at ,i %\ld write 9 8 "n4 ,x 0 n until aft] d9n] t we got ar\nd1 all ?ree ( u1 to a problem :i* 0 soon to absorb u all1 ) ne>-disa/r\s results4 ,we _h be5 talk+ amiably ( neutral ?+s & ,cave _h em]g$ some:at f 8 e>li] despond5cy4 ,he got on to ! subject ( ! f>m :]e we 71 ( its attractiv5ess & remot5ess1 ( its own] :o liv$ 9 ,spokane4 8,i always lik$ old ,sma!rs4 ,y'd l him too4 ,he's got "o ( ! bigge/ fun]al p>lors 9 ! /ate4 ,i us$ to "w = him & !n1 :5 ,i />t$ on all ?is1 he back$ me up to ! hilt4 ,l5t me money to get z f> z ,san ,francisco4 ,aft] t ( c\rse x 0 easy4 ,i paid him back e c5t40 8,does he get "h (t580 ,cave %ook 8 head4 8,no1 he lets me use ! f>m b he keeps away4 ,he says he doesn't approve ( :at ,i'm do+4 ,y see he's ,ca?olic40 8,b he /ill likes ,john10 said ,iris :o _h be5 /rok+ a p>ticul>ly ugly yell[ cat beside ! fire4 ,s x 0 ,john n[1 ,i ?\ght4 ,iris 0 ! only p]son ev] to call him by 8 fir/ "n4 8,yes4 ,he's a good fri5d40 8,!re'll be a lot ( tr\ble1 y "k10 ,i said4 8,f ,sma!rs80 8,no1 f ! ,ca?olics1 f ! ,*ri/ians40 8,y really ?9k s80 ,cave look$ at me curi\sly4 ,i believe t until t mom5t he _h nev] realiz$ ! inevitable collision ( 8 po9t ( view ) t ( ! e/abli%$ religions4 8,( c\rse ,i d4 ,!y've con/ruct$ an entire e?ical sy/em ^u a sup]natural f\ndation ^: ma9 /r5g? is ! promise ( a cont9uation ( human p]sonality aft] dea?4 ,y are reject+ grace1 heav51 hell1 ! ,tr9ity 4440 8,i've nev] said any?+ ab\t ! ,tr9ity or ab\t ,*ri/ianity40 8,b y'll h to say some?+ ab\t x soon] or lat]4 ,if--or r :5--! p beg9 to accept y1 ! *ur*es w fight back & ! great] ! impression y make ! m fi]ce _! attack40 8,i suspect ,john is ! anti-,*ri/10 said ,iris & ,i saw f h] expression t %e 0 p]fectly s]i\s4 8,he's come to undo all ! wick$ness ( ! ,*ri/ians40 8,?\gh n1 ,i hope1 ( ,*ri/10 ,i said4 8,!re's "s virtue 9 8 leg5d1 ev5 z corrupt$ at ,nicea ?ree c5turies aft] ! fact40 8,i'll h to ?9k ab\t x10 said ,cave4 8,i don't "k t ,i've ev] giv5 x mu* ?\ght be=e4 ,i've spok5 always :at ,i knew 0 true & !re's nev] be5 any opposition1 at lea/ t ,i've be5 aw>e (1 to my face4 ,x nev] occurr$ to me t p :o l to ?9k ( !mselves z ,*ri/ians c\ldn't accept bo? me & ,*ri/ at ! same "t4 ,i "k ,i don't promise ! k+dom ( heav5 b ,i d promise oblivion & ! loss ( self1 ( pa944440 8,g5e is "r10 said ,iris4 8,!y'll fight y h>d4 ,y mu/ get ready n[ :ile y /ill h "t to ?9k x out1 be=e ,paul puts y to "w & y'll nev] h a mom5t's peace aga940 8,z bad z t1 y ?9k80 ,cave sigh$ wi/fully4 8,b h[ to get ready8 ,:at %all ,i d8 ,i nev] ?9k ?+s out1 y "k4 ,ev]y?+ occurs to me on ! spot4 ,i c nev] tell :at may occur to me next4 ,x happ5s only :5 ,i speak to p4 ,:5 ,i'm alone1 ,i seldom ?9k ( ! 444 ! ma9 ?+s2 yet1 :5 ,i'm 9 a gr\p talk+ to !m ,i he> 444 no1 n he>1 ,i feel voices tell+ me :at ,i %\ld say4 ,t's :y ,i nev] prep>e a talk1 :y ,i don't really l to h !m tak5 d[n3 !y're some?+ :i* are meant only = ! in/ant !y are conceiv$ 444 a *ild1 if y l1 made = j a mom5t's life by ! p li/5+ & myself speak+4 ,i don't mean to s\nd t\*$10 he add$1 ) a sudd5 smile4 8,i'm n really he>+ ?+s b ,i d get some?+ f ^? p1 some?+ besides ! ?+ ,i tell !m4 ,i seem to become a "p ( !m1 z ?\gh :at goes on 9 _! m9ds also goes on 9 me1 at ! same "t1 two lobes to a s+le bra940 8,we "k t1 ,john10 said ,iris s(tly4 8,we've felt x40 8,i suppose1 !n1 t's ! key10 said ,cave4 8,?\gh x isn't mu* to write ab\t2 y c't put x across )\t me to say x40 8,y may be wrong !re10 ,i said4 8,( c\rse 9 ! beg9n+ y w say ! ^w b ,i ?9k 9 "t1 prop]ly manag$1 ev]yone w accept x on ! /r5g? ( evid5ce & /atem5t1 respond+ to ! *a9 ( =ces y h set 9 motion40 ,yet = all ! glibness ) :i* ,i spoke1 ,i did n really believe t ,cave w\ld prove to be m ?an an int]e/+ mom5t>y ph5om5on ^: 8tru?0 ab\t dea? might1 at be/1 contribute 9 a small way to ! f9al abolition ( ^? old w>r+ sup]/itions :i* _h my/ifi$ & tr\bl$ m5 = tw5ty d>k c5turies4 ,a d\bt :i* display$ my basic misund]/&+ ( our race's w to dea? &1 worse1 to a dea? 9 life made radiant by false dreams1 by desp]ate adjurations4 ,b t ev5+ we spoke only ( a bright future3 8,to beg9 aga9 is ! important ?+10 ,i said4 8,*ri/ianity1 ?\gh /rong z an organization 9 ?is c\ntry1 is weak z a =ce because1 f9ally1 ! ess5tial doctr9e is n accept$ by mo/ ( ! p3 ! idea ( a man-l ,god disp5s+ m]its & dem]its at "t's exotic end40 8,we are small10 said ,cave4 8,9 space1 on ?is t9y planet1 we are no?+4 ,dea? br+s u back to ! :ole4 ,we lose ?is in/ant ( aw>5ess1 ( suff]+1 l spray 9 ! ocean3 !re x =ms 444 !re x goes1 back to ! sea40 8,i ?9k p w li/5 to y because !y realize n[ t ord]1 if !re is any1 has nev] be5 reveal$1 t dea? is ! end ( p]sonality ev5 = ^? passionate1 self-important ',i's' :o insi/ ^u a univ]sal deity l !mselves1 c>efully pres5t$ backw>ds 9 ord] n to give ! game away40 8,h[ d>k1 h[ f9e ! grave mu/ be6 only sleep & an end ( days1 an end ( fe>3 ! end ( fe> 9 ! grave z ! ',i' goes back to no?+44440 8,h[ wond]ful life w be :5 m5 no long] fe> dy+6 ,:5 ! la/ sup]/itions are ?r[n out & we meet dea? ) ! same equanimity t we h met life4 ,no long] w *ildr5's m9ds be twi/$ by evil1 dem&+1 moraliz+ gods ^: fanta/ic orig9 is 9 ^? b>b>ic tribes :o fe>$ dea? & lightn+1 :o fe>$ life4 ,t's x3 life is ! villa9 to ^? maniacs :o prea* rew>d 9 dea?3 grace & et]nal bliss 444 or d>k rev5ge44440 8,nei!r rev5ge nor rew>d1 only ! n-kn[+ 9 ! grave :i* is ! same = all44440 8,& )\t ^? inhuman laws1 :at societies we might build6 ,take ! morality ( ,*ri/4 ,beg9 !re1 or ev5 e>li] ) ,plato or e>li] yet ) ,zoroa/] 444 take ! be/ ideas ( ! be/ m5 & %\ld !re be any disagreem5t z to :at is be/1 use life z ! def9ition1 life z ! measure3 :at contributes mo/ to ! liv+ is ! be/40 8,b ! liv+ is soon done & ! soon] done ! bett]4 ,i envy ^? :o h already gone44440 8,if !y li/5 to y1 ,cave1 x w be l ! unlock+ ( a prison4 ,at fir/ !y may g wild b !n1 on _! own1 !y w f9d ways to life4 ,fe> & puni%m5t 9 dea? has seldom /opp$ ! murd]]'s h&4 ,! only two ?+s :i* hold him f 8 purpose are1 at ! wor/1 fe> ( reprisal f society &1 at ! be/1 a feel+ = life1 a love = all t lives 444 & n ! wide-smil+ idiot's love b a s5se ( ! community ( ! liv+1 ( life's m>vel\s reg5cy 444 ev5 ! mo/ ignorant has felt ?is4 ,life is all :ile dea? is only ! irrelevant %ad[ at ! end1 ! c\nt]p>t to t in/ant be=e ! se$ lives40 ,yes1 ,i believ$ all t1 all t & m too1 & ,i felt ,cave 0 ! same z ,i2 by remov+ fe> ) t magic ( 81 he w\ld fulfill c]ta9 hopes ( my own & 7,i flatt] myself p]haps7 ( ! long l9e ( o!rs1 nobl] ?an ,i1 :o _h be5 equally engag$ 9 attempt+ to use life m fully4 ,& s t ev5+ x well$ up sudd5ly3 ! hidd5 conviction beh9d a desultory life broke ?r\gh t *ill h>d surface ( disappo9tm5t & disgu/ :i* _h =m$ a brittle c>apace ab\t my he>t4 ,i _h1 aft] all1 my tru? too1 & ,cave _h got to x1 brok5 ! %ell 444 & = t ,i %all rema9 grateful 444 until we are at la/ ! same1 bo? tak5 by du/4 ,excit$ly1 we talk$ 444 ,i talk$ mo/ly1 ,i ?9k4 ,cave 0 ! !me & ,i ! c\nt]po9t or s ,i ?\ght4 ,he _h /at$ x & ,i built on x1 built outw>d f :at ,i conceiv$ to be ! lum9osity ( 8 vision4 ,our dialogue 0 "o ( communion1 ,i believ$ & he believ$ too4 ,only ,iris guess$1 ev5 !n1 t x 0 n4 ,%e saw ! diff]5ce2 %e 0 consci\s ( ! division :i* t mom5t _h1 unkn[n to ei!r ( u1 sep>at$ me f ,cave4 ,ea* "t ,i said 8life10 he said 8dea?40 ,9 true amity b false concord w> began4 ,iris1 m practical ?an we1 deflat$ our visions by pull+ ! dialogue g5tly back to reality1 to ways & dull means4 ,x 0 agre$ t we _h agre$ on fundam5tals1 t ! end ( fe> 0 desirable2 t sup]/ition %\ld be exorcis$ f human affairs2 t ! e?ical sy/ems express$ by ! major religi\s figures f ,zoroa/] to ,mohamm$ all conta9$ useful & applicable ideas ( societal behavior :i* ne$ n be entirely disc>d$4 ,at ,iris's sugge/ion1 we left ! problem ( ,*ri/ianity itself completely alone4 ,cave's tru? 0 suffici5t cause = battle4 ,!re 0 no reason1 %e felt1 = antagoniz+ ! ultimate enemy at ! v beg9n+4 8,let !m attack y1 ,john4 ,y mu/ be above qu>rel+2 y mu/ act z if !y are too mu* 9 error ev5 to notice40 8,i reckon ,i am above x10 said ,cave & he s\nd$ almo/ *e]ful = ! fir/ "t s9ce my arrival4 8,i want no tr\ble1 b if tr\ble comes ,i don't int5d to back d[n4 ,i'll j g on say+ :at ,i "k40 ,at midnight1 ,cave excus$ himself & w5t to b$4 ,iris & ,i sat sil5tly be=e ! la/ r$ emb]s on ! he>?4 ,i s5s$ t some?+ _h gone wrong b ,i c\ld n tell !n :at x 04 ,:5 %e spoke1 h] mann] 0 abrupt3 8,d y really want to g on ) ?is80 8,:at an odd "t to ask me t4 ,( c\rse ,i d4 ,tonight's ! fir/ "t ,i really saw :at x 0 ,cave meant1 :at x 0 ,i'd always felt b nev] be=e kn[n1 consci\sly1 t is4 ,i c\ldn't be m en?usia/ic40 8,i hope y don't *ange40 8,:y s glum8 ,:at are y try+ to say8 ,aft] all y got me into ?is40 8,i "k ,i did & ,i ?9k ,i 0 "r4 ,x's only t ?is ev5+ ,i felt 444 well1 ,i don't "k4 ,p]haps ,i'm gett+ a bit on edge40 ,%e smil$ &1 ?r\gh all ! y\? & heal?1 ,i saw t %e 0 anxi\s & ill-at-ease4 8,t bus9ess ab\t ! accid5t80 8,ma9ly1 yes4 ,! lawy]s say t n[ t ! old man's all "r he'll try to collect damages4 ,he'll sue ,cave40 8,na/y publicity40 8,! wor/4 ,x's upset ,john t]ribly 444 he almo/ feels x's an om540 8,i ?\ght we 7 disp5s+ ) all t1 ) miracles & om5s40 ,i smil$ b %e did n4 8,speak = y\rself40 ,%e got up & pu%$ at ! coals ) ! fire %ovel4 8,paul says he'll h&le ev]y?+ b ,i don't see h[4 ,!re's no way he c /op a lawsuit40 ,b ,i 0 tir$ ( ?is "o problem :i* 01 all ?+s consid]$1 out ( our h&s 9 any case4 ,i ask$ h] ab\t h]self & ,cave4 8,is x wise my be+ up "h ) ,john1 alone8 ,no1 ,i'm afraid n b t's ! way x is40 ,h] voice 0 h>d & h] back :i* 0 turn$ to me grew /iff1 h] movem5ts ) ! fire %ovel angry & abrupt4 8,p w use x aga9/ bo? ( y4 ,x may hurt him1 & all ( u40 ,%e turn$ sudd5ly1 h] face flu%$4 8,i c't help x1 ,g5e4 ,i swe> ,i c't4 ,i've tri$ to keep away4 ,i almo/ flew ,ea/ ) ,cl>issa b :5 he ask$ me to jo9 him "h1 ,i did4 ,i c\ldn't leave him40 8,w m>riage be a "p ( ! new ord]80 8,don't joke40 ,%e sat d[n angrily 9 a noise ( skirts crumpl+4 8,cave mu/ nev] m>ry4 ,besides x's 444 x isn't l t40 8,really8 ,i mu/ confess ,i 4440 8,?\ght we 7 hav+ an affair8 ,well1 x's n true40 ,! rigidity left h] z sudd5ly z x _h possess$ h]4 ,%e grew visibly passive1 ev5 helpless1 9 ! worn uphol/]$ *air1 h] eyes on me1 ! ang] gone & only weakness left4 8,:at c ,i d80 ,x 0 a cry f ! he>t 444 all ! m t\*+ because1 obvi\sly1 %e _h n int5d$ to tell me ?is4 ,%e'd turn$ to me because !re 0 no "o else to :om %e c\ld talk4 8,y 444 love him80 ,t ^w :i* :5ev] ,i spoke x 9 ^? days always /uck 9 my ?roat l a dim9utive sob4 8,m1 m10 %e said di/ract$ly4 8,b ,i c't d any?+ or be any?+4 ,he's complete4 ,he doesn't ne$ anyone4 ,he doesn't want me except z 444 a companion1 & advisor l y or ,paul 444 x's all ! same to him40 8,i don't see t x's hopeless40 8,hopeless60 ,! ^w snot f h] l a desp]ate de$4 ,%e buri$ h] face 9 h] h&s b %e did n weep4 ,i sat awkw>dly1 inadequately wat*+ h]4 ,! noise ( a clock alone sep>at$ u3 its dry tick+ kept ! sil5ce f fall+ 9 ab\t our heads4 ,f9ally1 %e dropp$ h] h&s & turn$ t[>d me ) h] usual grace1 8,y mu/n't take me too s]i\sly10 %e said4 8,or ,i mu/n't take myself too s]i\sly :i* is m to ! po9t4 ,cave doesn't really ne$ me or anyone & we 444 ,i1 p]haps y1 c]ta9ly o!rs1 ne$ him4 ,x's be/ no "o try to claim him all z a woman w\ld d1 z ,i might1 giv5 ! *ance40 ,%e rose4 8,x's late & y mu/ be tir$4 ,don't ev] m5tion to anyone :at ,i've told y tonight 444 especially to ,john4 ,if he knew ! way ,i felt44440 ,%e left x at t4 ,i gave my promise & we w5t to our rooms4 ,i /ay$ two days at ! f>m1 li/5+ to ,cave :o cont9ually ref]r$ to ! accid5t3 he 0 almo/ petulant1 z ?\gh ! :ole bus9ess 7 an irrelevant1 gratuit\s trick play$ on him by a malici\s old man4 ,8 days 7 sp5t read+ 8 mail 7!re 0 q a bit ( x ev5 !n71 compos+ answ]s :i* ,iris typ$ out = him1 & walk+ 9 ! wood$ hills :i* surr\nd$ ! f>m on two sides4 ,! wea!r 0 %>p & bright & ! w9d1 :5 x blew1 ta/$ ( ice f ! glaci]s 9 ! vivid m\nta9s3 w9t] 0 ne>ly ) u & r$ leaves decorat$ ! w9d1 s _m ribbons = s mu* summ] color4 ,only ! firs rema9$ un*ang$1 w>m & d>k 9 ! bright *ill days4 ,cave & ,i w\ld walk toge!r :ile ,iris rema9$ indoors1 work+4 ,he 0 a good walk]1 calm1 unhurri$1 sure-foot$1 & he knew all ! trails b5ea? ! yell[ & r$ leaves fall54 ,cave agre$ ) me on mo/ ( my ideas conc]n+ ! introduction2 & ,i promis$ to s5d him my fir/ draft z soon z ,i'd got x done4 ,he 0 g5u9ely indiff]5t to ! philosophic aspect ( :at he prea*$4 ,he act$ almo/ z if he did n want to he> ( ^? o!rs :o _h approa*$ ! great matt] 9 a simil> way4 ,:5 ,i talk$ to him ( ! f\r?-c5tury ,donati/s :o dete/$ life & lov$ heav5 s mu* t !y w\ld reque/ /rang]s to kill !m1 magi/rates to execute !m = no crime1 he /opp$ me3 8,i don't want to he> all t4 ,t's f9i%$4 ,all t's ov]4 ,we want new ?+s n[40 ,iris1 too1 seem$ un9t]e/$ 9 any =maliz+ ( ,cave's ?\ght ?\gh %e saw its necessity & wi%$ me well1 sugge/+ t ,i n ev] intimate d]ivation s9ce1 9 fact1 !re _h be5 none3 :at he 01 he _h become on 8 own1 un9/ruct$4 ,dur+ our walks1 ,i got to "k ,cave z well z ,i 0 ev] to "k him4 ,he 0 indiff]5t1 ,i ?9k1 to ev]yone4 ,he gave "o 8 private "t 9 precise ratio to "o's belief 9 him & importance to 8 "w4 ,) gr\ps1 ) ! masses1 he 0 ano!r creature3 w>m1 intoxicat+1 human1 yet transc5d5t 444 a "p ( ea* human be+ :o beheld him at su* times1 ! long$-= complem5t to ! common s\l4 ,yet ?\gh ,i f\nd him1 z a human be+1 )\t mu* w>m? or intellectual int]e/ ,i nev]!less id5tifi$ him ) ! release ,i'd kn[n 9 8 pres5ce &1 = ?is new c]ta9ty ( life's value & ( dea?'s irrelevance1 ,i lov$ him4 ,on ! ?ird day ,i made up my m9d to g back ,ea/ & d ! necess>y writ+ 9 ,new ,york1 away f ,paul's hectic influ5ce & ,cave's advice4 ,cave ask$ me to /ay ) him = ! re/ ( ! week b ,i c\ld see t ,iris reg>d$ me n[ z a pot5tial dang]1 a keep] ( secrets :o might1 despite promises1 prove to be disloyal2 & s1 to set h] m9d at ease z well z to suit my own new plans1 ,i told h] aft] lun* on ! ?ird day1 :5 we 7 = a mom5t alone 9 ! /udy1 t ,i _h said no?+ to ,cave1 t ,i 0 ready to g back t ev5+ if %e w\ld drive me to ,spokane4 8,y're a good fri5d10 %e said4 8,i made a fool ( myself ! o!r night4 ,i wi% y'd =get x 444 =get ev]y?+ ,i said40 8,i'll nev] m5tion x4 ,n[1 ! problem is h[ ,i c leave "h gracefully4 ,cave j ask$ me ?is morn+ to /ay on & 4440 ,b ,i 0 giv5 a p]fect means ( escape4 ,cave came runn+ into ! room1 8 eyes %9+4 8,paul6 ,i've j talk$ to ,paul 9 ,l4,a4 ,x's all ov]6 ,no heirs1 no?+1 no lawsuit4 ,no damages to pay40 8,:at's happ5$80 ,iris /opp$ him 9 8 excitem5t4 8,! old man's dead60 8,oh ,"l60 ,iris w5t gray4 8,t means a manslaught] *>ge60 8,no1 no 444 n because ( ! accid5t4 ,he 0 9 ano!r accid5t4 ,a truck hit him ! day aft] he left ! hospital4 ,ye/]day4 ,he 0 kill$ in/antly 444 lucky devil3 & ( c\rse we're 9 luck too40 8,did !y f9d :o hit him80 ,i ask$1 sudd5ly suspici\s4 ,iris look$ at me fi]cely4 ,%e _h got x too4 8,no4 ,paul said x 0 a hit-&-run4 ,he said ?is "t ! police didn't f9d :o did x4 ,paul said 8 analy/ calls x 'a w to disa/]' 444 he want$ to be run ov]4 ,( c\rse t's h>dly a disa/] b ! analy/ ?9ks ! old way40 ,i left t aft]noon = ,new ,york1 leav+ ,cave jubilantly mak+ plans = ! ,new ,ye>3 ev]y?+ 0 aga9 possible4 ,nei!r ,iris nor ,i m5tion$ :at we bo? knew 444 ea* ( u1 9 our diff]5t way1 accommodat+ ! fir/ ( _m crimes1 z we drove across ! smoky hills to ,spokane4 ,,six #a 8,! tone1 de> ,g5e1 has all ! unction1 all ! e>ne/ turgidity ( a !ologian4 ,y are p]fect40 ,cl>issa beam$ at me wick$ly ov] lun* 9 ! ,plaza ,hotel4 ,we sat at a table beside a great plate-glass w9d[ ?r\gh :i* we c\ld see ! fro/$ bleak expanse ( ,c5tral ,p>k1 d+y 9 city sn[1 r+$ by build+s l s _m m\nta9 peaks1 monoton\s 9 _! %>p symmetry4 ,! sky 0 sull51 gray ) m sn[ to fall4 ,! ye> 0 ne>ly ov]4 8,i ?\ght x really q to ! po9t10 ,i said l(tily b ) an anxi\s look at ! ?9 black volume betwe5 u :i* 0 t day to be publi%$4 ,! ha/y "w ( "o hectic mon? releas$ 9 record "t by a connection ( ,paul ,himmell's4 8,x's pure nons5se1 y\r hi/orical "p4 ,i "k1 ?\gh ,i confess ,i 0 nev] "o = ! philosoph]s 9 ^? days 444 dre>y egoti/ical m51 worse ?an ! actors & n half s lovely4 ,wait]1 ,i w h a melon3 out ( season ,i hope4 ,i sugge/ y h x too4 ,x's light40 ,i ord]$ pot-de-crme1 ! heavie/ dess]t on ! m5u4 8,i've made y angry10 ,cl>issa pret5d$ contrition4 8,i 0 only try+ to complim5t y4 ,:at ,i meant 0 t ! sort ( ?+ y're do+ ,i ?9k is nons5se only because action is :at c\nts1 action on any level 444 n !oriz+40 8,!re's a c]ta9 action to ?9k+1 y "k1 ev5 to writ+ ab\t ! ?\ghts ( o!rs40 8,oh1 d>l+1 don't s\nd s /uffy4 ,y\r dess]t1 by ! way1 poisons ! liv]4 ,oh1 isn't t ,bi%op ,w9/on ov] !re by ! door1 9 twe$8 ,9 mufti1 eh1 ,bi%op80 ,! ,bi%op1 :o 0 pass+ our table 9 ! company ( a h&somely pale y\? ^: contemplation ( ord]s %one 9 8 face l "s *]i%$ s91 /opp$ &1 ) a smile1 %ook ,cl>issa's h&4 8,ah1 h[ are y8 ,i miss$ y ! o!r night at ,agnes's4 ,%e told me y've be5 engag$ 9 social "w40 8,a euphemism1 ,bi%op40 ,cl>issa introduc$ me & ! prelate mov$ on to 8 table1 a robu/ gray-hair$ man ) good color+ & a look ( ease4 8,ca?olic80 8,no1 ,episcopal4 ,i l !m ! be/1 ,i ?9k4 ,!y adore society & good works 444 spiritual ,:igs y might call !m1 a civiliz+ influ5ce4 ,be/ ( all1 s few ( !m believe 9 ,god1 unlike ! ,ca?olics or ^? t]rible ,calv9i/ peasants :o are =ev] sav+ !mselves & damn+ o!rs40 8,i ?9k1 ,cl>issa1 y're mu* too h>d on ! ,episcopalians4 ,i'm sure !y mu/ believe :at !y prea*4 ,at lea/ ! cl]gy d40 8,well1 we %all probably nev] "k4 ,social "w6 ,i knew ,agnes w\ld come up ) some?+ altoge!r wrong4 ,/ill1 ,i'm j z glad x's n out yet4 ,n until ! big debut tomorr[ aft]noon4 ,i hope y've made arrangem5ts to be ne> a television set4 ,no8 ,!n come to my place & we'll see x toge!r4 ,cave's ask$ u bo? to ! /ation1 by ! way1 b ,i ?9k x bett] if we n di/ract him40 8,iris came ,ea/ ) him80 8,inde$ %e did4 ,!y bo? arriv$ la/ night4 ,i ?\ght y'd talk$ to h]40 8,no4 ,i hav5't be5 9 t\* ) ei!r ( !m s9ce ,i got back to ,new ,york4 ,paul's ! only "o ,i ev] see40 8,he keeps ! :ole ?+ go+1 ,i mu/ say4 ,"o ( ^? born organiz]s4 ,n[6 :at ab\t y & ,iris80 ,?is came s sudd5ly1 )\t prep>ation1 t x took me a suspici\sly long "t to answ]1 weakly3 8,i don't "k :at y mean4 ,:at ab\t ,iris & me80 8,d>l+1 ,i "k ev]y?+40 ,%e look$ at me 9 h] eag]1 pr$atory way3 ,i 0 secretly pleas$ t1 9 ?is p>ticul> case at lea/1 %e knew no?+4 8,!n tell me40 8,y're 9 love ) h] & %e's classically involv$ ) ,cave40 8,classical seems to be ! wrong ^w4 ,no?+ has happ5$ & no?+ w happ540 8,i suppose %e told y ?is h]self40 ,i 0 trapp$ = a mom5t4 ,cl>issa1 ev5 9 error1 0 %rewd & if "o 0 n on gu>d %e w\ld quickly cease to be 9 error1 at "o's exp5se4 8,no1 n exactly2 b ,paul :o does1 ,i ?9k1 "k ev]y?+ ab\t our affairs assures me t no?+ has happ5$1 t ,cave is n int]e/$ 9 wom540 8,9 m580 8,i ?\ght y 7 all-kn[+4 ,no1 n 9 m5 nor 9 wild animals nor1 does x seem1 f ! evid5ce ,paul's collect$1 9 any?+ except ,john ,cave4 ,sex does n happ5 = him40 8,oh10 said ,cl>issa1 exhal+ sl[ly1 significantly1 inscrutably4 ,%e ab&on$ h] fir/ l9e ( attack to ask3 8,b y are crazy ab\t ,iris1 ar5't y8 ,t's :at ,i'd int5d$1 y "k1 :5 ,i br\ght y two toge!r40 8,i ?\ght x 0 to br+ me into ,cave's orbit40 8,t1 too1 b someh[ ,i saw y & ,iris 444 well1 y're obvi\sly go+ to give me no satisfaction s ,i %all be =c$ to inve/igate on my own40 8,n to s\nd too auctorial1 too worri$1 d y ?9k x w get ,cave across8 ! introduction "h80 8,i see no reason :y n4 ,look at ! enorm\s success ( ^? books ) tides l ',et]nal ,bliss ,c ,be ,y\rs = ! ,ask+' or ',happ9ess at ,y\r ,beck-&-,call4'0 8,i'm a little m ambiti\s40 8,n 9 ! lea/4 ,b ! end s]v$ is ! same4 ,y got d[n ! ma9 l9e ( ,cave's ?9k+1 if x c be call$ ?9k+4 ,& y\r book1 along ) 8 pres5ce1 %\ld h an extraord9>y effect40 8,d y really ?9k s8 ,i've begun to d\bt40 8,inde$ ,i d4 ,!y are wait+ 444 all ^? sad millions :o want to believe w f9d him exactly "r = _! purposes4 ,he exi/s only to be believ$ 94 ,he's a natural idol 444 did y "k t :5 ,con/ant9e mov$ 8 c\rt to ! ,ea/1 8 heirs 7 tra9$ by ,ea/]n c\rti]s to behave l idols & :5 8 son came 9 triumph back to ,rome 7:at a day t 06 hot1 b excit+7 he rode = h\rs ?r\gh ! cr[d$ /reets )\t once mov+ a f+] or *ang+ expression1 a p]fectly tra9$ god4 ,we 7 all s impress$ 4440 ,i cut ?is %ort4 8,has x occurr$ to y t !y might n want to believe any?+1 j l y & me40 8,nons5se 444 & x's rude to int]rupt1 de>1 ev5 a g>rul\s relic l myself 444 yet aft] all1 9 a way1 we d believe :at ,cave says4 ,dea? is !re & he makes x seem p]fectly all "r1 oblivion & ! re/ ( x4 ,& dy+ does r upset a lot ( p4 ,h y notic$ "o ?+ t ! dev\tly sup]/iti\s c nev] und]/& is ! fact t ?\gh we d n accept ! fairy tale ( rew>d or puni%m5t beyond ! grave we /ill are reluctant to 'pass on1' z ! nuts say8 ,z ?\gh ! prospect ( no?+ isn't really1 9 a way1 )\t fri5d ,cave to pu% "o into acceptance1 p]fectly gha/ly1 mu* worse ?an toa/+ on a grid l t poor sa9t up nor?4 ,b n[ ,i mu/ fly4 ,come to ! ap>tm5t at sev5 & ,i'll give y d9n]4 ,he's on at eight4 ,aft]w>ds !y'll all jo9 u40 ,cl>issa flew4 ,i sp5t ! aft]noon gloomily walk+ up & d[n ,fif? ,av5ue fill$ ) d\bt & =ebod+1 wi%+ n[ t ,i _h nev] l5t myself to ! conspiracy1 confid5t ( its failure & ( ! rude laught] or1 worse1 ! tactful sil5ce ( fri5ds :o w\ld be a/oni%$ to f9d t aft] s _m ye>s ( promise & reflection my fir/ book %\ld prove to be an apologia = an obscure evangeli/ ^: only em95ce 0 t ( hav+ mesm]iz$ myself & an en]getic publici/1 among a numb] ( o!rs m likely p]haps ?an we1 to take to a crank4 ,! day did no?+ to improve my mood & x 0 9 a mo/ depress$ /ate t ,i w5t f9ally to ,cl>issa's b>oque ap>tm5t on "o ( ! bett] /reets & d9$ ) h] quietly1 infect+ h]1 ,i 0 d>kly pleas$ to note1 ) my own grim mood4 ,by ! "t ,cave 0 ann\nc$ on ! va/ television scre51 ,i _h r$uc$ ,cl>issa1 = "o ( ! few times 9 our acqua9tance1 to sil5ce4 ,yet z ! lights 9 ! room me*anically dimm$1 z ! scre5 grew bright ) color & an ann\nc] came into focus1 ,i 0 consci\s ( a quick5+ ( my pulse1 ( a c]ta9 excitem5t4 ,"h x 0 at la/1 ! result ( ne>ly a ye>'s c>eful plann+4 ,soon1 9 a matt] ( m9utes1 we w\ld "k4 ,to my surprise ,paul ,himmell 0 introduc$ by ! ann\nc] :o id5tifi$ him p]functorily1 say+ t ! foll[+ half h\r _h be5 b\ght by ,cavite1 ,inc4 ,paul spoke briefly1 e>ne/ly4 ,he 0 n]v\s1 ,i c\ld see1 & 8 eyes mov$ f left to "r disconc]t+ly z he read 8 introduction f c>ds out ( view ( ! cam]a4 ,he describ$ ,cave briefly z a tea*]1 z a highly reg>d$ figure 9 ! ,we/4 ,he impli$ x 0 z a public s]vice1 ! r>e/ ( philan?rophies1 t a gr\p ( indu/riali/s & bus9essm5 7 sponsor+ ,cave ?is ev5+4 ,!n ,paul walk$ out ( range ( ! cam]a leav+1 briefly1 a view ( a *air & a table beh9d :i* a h&some blue velvet curta9 fell 9 ri* graceful folds f ! invisible ceil+ to an imitation m>ble floor4 ,an in/ant lat]1 ,cave walk$ into view4 ,bo? ,cl>issa & ,i lean$ =w>d 9 our *airs t5sely1 eag]ly1 anxi\sly3 we 7 !re z well z he4 ,?is 0 our mom5t too4 ,my h&s grew cold & my ?roat dry4 ,cave 0 equal to ! mom5t4 ,he look$ tall3 ! scale ( ! table1 ! *air 0 exactly "r4 ,he wore a d>k suit & a d>k unfigur$ tie ) a :ite %irt t gave him an au/]5ess :i*1 9 p]son1 he lack$4 ,i saw ,paul's /age-manag+ 9 ?is4 ,he mov$ easily into range1 8 eyes ca/ d[n4 ,n until he _h plac$ himself 9 front ( ! table & ! cam]a _h squ>ely c5t]$ him1 did he look up1 look directly into ! l5s4 ,cl>issa gasp$ & ,i felt sudd5ly pi]c$3 ! cam]a1 ! lights _h magnifi$ r ?an dim9i%$ 8 p[]4 ,x made no diff]5ce n[ :at he said4 ,! magic 0 work+4 ,cl>issa & ,i sat 9 ! twilight ( h] draw+ room1 entirely conc5trat$ on t vivid scre51 on ! d>k figure ^u ri* blue1 on ! pale eyes & ! h&s :i* seldom mov$4 ,x 0 l "s fasc9at+ sc5e 9 a skillful play :i*1 q aga9/ "o's wi% & ae/hetic judgm5t1 pull$ "o to x1 became1 at lea/ = t %ort "t beyond real "t1 a "p ( "o's own private drama ( exi/5ce1 all %>p5$ by artifice1 by calculat$ magic4 ,n until ,cave 0 ne>ly f9i%$ did ^? fir/ words ( 81 spok5 s easily1 s quietly1 beg9 to come back to me z he repeat$ !m 9 8 coda4 ,8 voice increas+ a little 9 volume1 yet /ill n hurry+1 n =c+1 n break+ ! mood :i* 8 fir/ glance _h creat$ & :i* voice & eyes toge!r ma9ta9$ )\t once lett+ g4 ,! burd5 ( 8 words 01 z always1 ! same4 ,yet ?is "t x seem$ m awesome1 m f9al1 und5iable 444 9 %ort1 ! tru?4 ,?\gh ,i'd always accept$ 8 fir/ premise1 ,i _h nev] be5 mu* impress$ by ! ways he f\nd ( /at+ x1 ev5 ?\gh ,i always respond$ to 8 p>ticul> p[]4 ,?is night1 be=e ! cam]a & 9 ! sight ( millions1 he p]fect$ 8 s+ul> art ( communication & ! _w 0 84 ,:5 he f9i%$1 ,cl>issa & ,i sat = a mom5t 9 complete sil5ce1 ! *irp+ ( a comm]cial ! only s\nd 9 ! room4 ,at la/ %e said3 8,! br&y is ov] !re on ! console4 ,get me "s40 ,!n %e swit*$ (f ! scre5 f h] *air & ! lights ( ! room bright5$ aga94 8,i feel dragg$ ?r\gh a wr+]10 %e said aft] h] fir/ m\?ful ( br&y4 8,i _h no idea x w\ld "w s well1 l ?is1 on television40 ,i felt /rangely empty1 let d[n4 ,!re 0 h>dly any d\bt n[ ( ,cave's effectiv5ess yet ,i felt joyless & deplet$1 z ?\gh "p ( my life _h gone1 leav+ an a*e4 8,:at a "t we're go+ to h40 ,cl>issa 0 beg9n+ to recov]4 8,i'll bet !re are a million lett]s by morn+ & ,paul w be do+ a jig40 8,i hope ?is is ! "r ?+1 ,cl>issa4 ,x w\ld be t]rible if x w]5't40 8,( c\rse x's "r 444 :atev] t means3 if x works x's "r 444 p]fectly simple4 ,su* conceptions are all a matt] ( fa%ion anyway4 ,"o ye> wom5 expose only _! ankle2 ! next ye> _! d]rire4 ,:at's "r "o ye> is wrong ! next4 ,if ,cave captures ! popul> imag9ation1 he'll be "r until someone bett] comes along40 8,a little cynical40 ,b ,cl>issa 0 only repeat+ my own usual l9e4 ,i 01 or _h be5 until t night on ! ,wa%+ton f>m1 a cont5t$ relativi/4 ,cave1 h[ev]1 _h jolt$ me into new ways & ,i 0 bewild]$ by ! *ange1 by ! prospect ahead4 #b ,t ev5+ 0 a "t ( triumph1 at lea/ = ,cave's companions4 ,!y arriv$ noisily4 ,paul seem$ drunk1 manically exhil>at$1 :ile ,iris gl[$ 9 a =mal g[n ( gre5 %ot ) gold4 ,two m5 accompani$ !m1 "o a doctor ^: "n ,i didn't cat* at fir/ & ! o!r a man f ! television network :o look$ wond]fully sleek & pleas$ & kept patt+ ,cave on ! arm e n[ & !n1 z if to assure himself he'd n vani%$ 9 smoke & fire4 ,cave1 /ill dress$ 9 8 d>k suit1 0 mute4 ,he sat answ]+ que/ions & reply+ to complim5ts ) grave nods ( 8 head4 ,he sat 9 a high brocad$ *air beside ! fire & drank tea :i* ,cl>issa1 kn[+ 8 habits1 _h ord]$ 9 advance = him4 ,aft] our fir/ bur/ ( greet+s at ! door ,i did n speak to ,cave aga9 & soon ! o!rs left him alone & talk$ ar\nd him1 ab\t him yet ?r\gh him1 z ?\gh he _h become invisible 444 :i* seem$ ! case :5 he 0 n speak+1 :5 ^? extraord9>y eyes 7 veil$ or ca/ d[n1 z !y 7 n[1 moodily /udy+ ! teacup1 ! patt]n 9 ! ,aubusson rug at 8 feet4 ,i cross$ ! room to :]e ,iris sat on ! wide c\*4 ,! doctor1 9 ! *air close to h]1 snuffl$ br&y & said1 z ,i jo9$ !m3 8,y\r little book1 sir1 is writt5 9 a complete ignorance ( ,jung & all ^? :o h come aft] him40 ,?is 0 sudd5 b ,i answ]$1 z graci\sly z possible1 t ,i _h n int5d$ a treatise on psy*oanalysis4 8,n ! po9t1 sir1 if y'll excuse me4444 ,i am a psy*iatri/1 a fri5d ( ,mr ,himmell's0 7s ?is 0 ! analy/ to :om ,paul s (t5 ref]r$7 8& ,i ?9k x impossible = anyone today to write ab\t ! big ?+s )\t a complete und]/&+ ( po/-,jungian developm5t44440 ,iris int]rupt$ z politely z possible4 8,doctor ,/okh>9 is a zealot1 ,g5e4 ,y mu/ li/5 to him b1 fir/1 did y see ,john tonight80 8,i did1 "h ) ,cl>issa3 he 0 rem>kable1 ev5 m s ?an 9 p]son40 8,x is ! isolation10 said ,/okh>91 nodd+4 ,d&ruff fell lightly l dry sn[ f 8 ?ick br[s to 8 d>k blue lapels4 8,! cam]a sep>ates him f ev]yone else4 ,he is project$ l a dream into44440 8,he 0 s afraid at fir/10 said ,iris1 glanc+ across ! room at ! sil5t ,cave :o sat1 v small & /ill 9 ! brocad$ *air1 ! teacup /ill balanc$ on "o knee4 8,i've nev] se5 him di/urb$ by any?+ be=e4 ,!y tri$ to get him to d a rehe>sal b he refus$4 ,he c't d rehe>sals 444 only ! actual ?+40 8,fe> is natural :5 4440 b ,/okh>9 0 9 ! pres5ce ( a ma/] draw+-room tactician3 ,iris 01 ,i saw at t mom5t1 a born ho/ess4 ,= all h] ease & simplicity %e 0 ru?lessly conc]n$ ) keep+ ord]1 e/abli%+ a rightness ( tone :i* ,doctor ,/okh>91 9 8 pr(essional madness1 w\ld h completely undone1 r$uc+ ! draw+ room to a sem9> 9 m5tal !rapy1 receiv+ public confessions judici\sly1 & g5]aliz+ to a captive audi5ce4 ,i admir$ ,iris's firmness1 h] devotion to ! civiliz$4 8,at fir/ we h>dly knew :at to d40 ,iris's voice rose s]5ely ov] ! ,ea/ ,european rumbl+s ( ! doctor4 8,he'd always made su* a po9t ( ! audi5ce4 ,he ne$$ actual p to excite him4 ,paul want$ to fill ! /udio ) a fri5dly audi5ce b ,john said no4 ,he'd try x )\t4 ,:5 ! talk began !re 7 only a half doz5 ( u !re3 ,paul1 myself1 & ! te*nicians4 ,no "o else40 8,h[ did he manage80 8,x 0 ! cam]a4 ,he said :5 he walk$ out !re he _h no idea if any?+ w\ld happ5 or n1 if he c\ld speak4 ,paul 0 ne>ly out ( 8 m9d ) t]ror2 we all 74 ,!n ,john saw ! l5s ( ! cam]a4 ,he said look+ into x gave him a sudd5 %ock1 l a curr5t ( electricity pass+ ?r\gh him1 = !re1 9 front ( him1 0 ! eye ( ! _w & ! microphone above 8 head 0 ! e> into :i* at la/ he c\ld speak4 ,:5 he f9i%$1 he 0 transfigur$4 ,i've nev] se5 him s excit$4 ,he c\ldn't recall :at he _h said b ! elation rema9$ until44440 8,until he got "h40 8,well1 ne>ly40 ,iris smil$4 8,he's be5 "u a t]rible /ra9 ^! la/ two weeks40 8,x'll be no?+ l ! traumatiz+ %ocks 9 /ore = him dur+ ! next few days10 said ,/okh>91 rubb+ ! bole ( a ri* d>k pipe aga9/ 8 nose to br+ out its lu/] 7! pipe's lu/]1 = ! nose1 /raight1 ?ick1 pr\d1 already %one l a gross b>oque pe>l74 8,m>k my words1 ev]yone w be eag] to see ?is ph5om5on4 ,:5 ,paul fir/ told me ab\t him1 ,i said1 ah1 my fri5d1 y h f\nd t fa!r image = :i* y've se>*$ s9ce y\r own fa!r 0 run ov] by a bus 9 y\r n9? 7! crucial7 ye>4 ,poor ,paul1 ,i said1 y w be doom$ to disappo9tm5t4 ,! wi% = ! fa!r is ! sign ( y\r immaturity4 ,= a "t y f9d him "h1 !re 444 9 analysis y transf] to me4 ,n[ y meet a spellb9d] & y turn to him1 b x w n la/4 ,exactly l t ,i talk$ to him4 ,believe me1 ,i hold back no?+4 ,!n ,i met ?is ,cave4 ,i wat*$ him4 ,ah1 :at an analy/ he w\ld h made6 ,:at a mann]1 :at p[] ( communication3 a natural heal]4 ,if only we c\ld tra9 him4 ,miss ,mortim]1 to y ,i appeal4 ,get him to /udy4 ,! be/ p1 ! po/-,jungians are all "h 9 ,new ,york4 ,!y w tra9 him4 ,he w\ld become only a lay analy/ b1 ev5 s1 :at miracles he c\ld p]=m1 :at !rapy6 ,we mu/ n wa/e ?is native g5ius40 8,i'm afraid1 ,doctor1 t he's go+ to be too busy wa/+ himself to /udy y\r 444 proc$ures10 ,iris smil$1 engag+ly1 dislike app>5t 9 h] radiant eyes4 ,/okh>91 h[ev]1 0 n s5sitive to ho/ility 444 no d\bt attribut+ su* emotions to "s sad defici5cy 9 ! o!r's adju/m5t4 ,iris turn$ to me4 8,w y be 9 ! city ! :ole "t80 8,! :ole "t ,cave's "h8 ,yes4 ,i w\ldn't miss x = any?+40 8,i'm glad4 ,i've s mu* ,i want to talk to y ab\t4 ,s _m ?+s are beg9n+ to happ54 ,call me tomorr[4 ,i'll be /ay+ at my old place4 ,x's 9 ! book40 8,cave80 8,is /ay+ ) ,paul1 out on ,long ,isl& at someone's h\se4 ,we want to keep him away f pe/s z mu* z possible40 8,manic depression1 ,i %\ld say10 said ,/okh>9 ?\ghtfully1 8 pipe n[ cl5*$ betwe5 8 tee? & 8 att5tion on ,cave's /ill figure4 8,) lat5t s*izoid t5d5cies :i* 444 ,miss ,mortim]1 y mu/ h an affair ) him4 ,y mu/ m>ry him if necess>y4 ,h *ildr54 ,let him see :at x is to give life to o!rs1 to live 9 a balanc$44440 8,doctor1 y are q mad10 said ,iris & %e cross$ ! room1 cool 9 h] ang]4 ,i too got away f ! doctor z quickly z ,i c\ld3 8,false mode/y1 inhibit$ behavior1 too e>ly b[el tra9+10 & simil> phrases r++ 9 my e>s4 ,paul caught me at ! door4 ,i'd int5d$ to slip away )\t say+ good night1 confid5t t ,cl>issa w\ld und]/&1 t ! o!rs w\ld n notice4 8,n go+ s soon1 are y80 ,he 0 a little drunk1 8 face sc>let ) excitem5t4 8,b y ought to /ay & celebrate40 ,i murmur$ some?+ ab\t hav+ an e>ly appo9tm5t ! next day4 8,well1 see me tomorr[4 ,we've tak5 tempor>y (fices 9 ! ,empire ,/ate ,build+4 ,! money has begun to roll 94 ,if ?is ?+ tonight turns out ! way ,i ?9k x has1 ,i'm go+ to be able to quit my o!r racket = good & devote all my "t to ,cave40 ,already ! "n ,cave _h begun to s\nd m l t ( an in/itution ?an ( a man4 8,by ! way1 ,i want to tell y :at ,i ?9k ( ! ,introduction3 sup]ior piece ( "w4 ,tri$ x out on sev]al highbr[ fri5ds ( m9e & !y lik$ x40 8,i'm afraid44440 8,t1 toge!r ) ! talks on television1 %\ld put ?is ?+ ov] ) ! bigge/ bang 9 ye>s4 ,we'll probably ne$ "s m /uff f y1 hi/orical backgr\nd1 rules & regulations1 t k9d ( ?+1 b ,cave w tell y :at he wants4 ,we've hir$ a doz5 p already to take c>e ( ! mail & inquiries4 ,!re's also a lecture t\r be+ prep>$1 all ! ma9 cities1 :ile44440 8,paul1 y're n try+ to make a religion ( ?is1 are y80 ,i c\ld hold x back no long] ev5 ?\gh bo? "t & occasion 7 all wrong = su* an outbur/4 8,religion8 ,hell1 no 444 b we've got to organize4 ,we've got to get ?is to z _m p z we c4 ,p h />t$ look+ to u 7to him1 t is7 = guidance4 ,we c't let !m d[n40 ,cl>issa's maid u%]$ 9 a ,we/]n ,union mess5g]1 lad5 ) telegrams4 8,ov] ?ree hundr$10 said ! boy4 8,! /ation said to s5d !m "h40 ,paul paid him jubilantly &1 9 ! excitem5t1 ,i slipp$ away4 #c ,! results ( ! broadca/ 7 =midable4 ,my small book :i* until !n _h enjoy$ ! obscurity ( be+ briefly not$ among ! rec5t books 0 tak5 up by excit$ editors :o us$ x z a basis = hurri$ b exub]ant acc\nts ( ! new m>vel4 ,"o night a week = ! re/ ( t w9t] ,cave appe>$ be=e ! %9+ glass eye ( ! _w & on ea* occasion new millions 9 all p>ts ( ! c\ntry li/5$ & saw & pond]$ ?is unexpect$ ph5om5on1 ! creation ( _! own secret anxieties & d\bts1 a c5tral man4 ,! reactions 7 too num]\s = me to recollect 9 any ord] or ) any precise detail2 b ,i d recall ! fir/ few mon?s vividly3 aft] t ( c\rse ! "w mov$ swiftly ( its own & "o lo/ track ( ev5ts :i* t5d$ to blur1 ! way casualties late 9 a l>ge w> d1 n wr++ ! we>i$ he>t z ! dea? ( "o or a p>ticul> few might e>li] h done4 ,a few days aft] ! fir/ broadca/1 ,i w5t to see ,paul at ! (fices :i* he _h tak5 9 ! ,empire ,/ate ,build+ 444 z high up z possible1 ,i not$ ) amusem5t3 always ! maximum1 ! optimum4 ,halfway d[n a corridor1 betwe5 lawy]s & export]s1 ,cavite1 ,inc4 0 discreetly id5tifi$ 9 black ^u a fro/$-glass door4 ,i w5t inside4 ,x appe>$ to me ! way ,i'd always ?\ght a newspap] (fice dur+ a crisis might look4 ,f\r rooms op5+ 9 a r[ (f "o ano!r1 all ) doors op51 all cr[d$ ) h>ass$ secret>ies & clean-look+ "y m5 9 blue s]ge suits c>ry+ pap]s1 talk+ 9 l\d voices :i* toge!r made ! room s\nd l a hive at sw>m+ "t4 ,?\gh none ( !m knew me1 no "o made any attempt to ask my bus9ess or to /op me z ,i mov$ f room to room 9 se>* ( ,paul4 ,ev]y:]e !re 7 plac>ds ) ,cave's picture on !m1 calm & gloomy-look+1 dress$ 9 :at 0 to be 8 (ficial co/ume3 a d>k suit1 an unfigur$ tie1 a :ite %irt4 ,i tri$ to ov]he> conv]sations z ,i pass$ ! busy desks & gr\ps ( excit$ debat]s1 b _! noise 0 too l\d4 ,only "o ^w 0 id5tifiable1 s\nd+ regul>ly1 ri*ly emphatic l a cello note3 ,cave1 ,cave1 ,cave4 ,9 ea* room ,i saw piles ( my ,introduction :i* pleas$ me ev5 ?\gh ,i _h come already to dislike x4 ,! la/ room conta9$ ,paul1 seat$ beh9d a desk ) a dictaphone 9 "o h&1 ?ree telephones on 8 desk 7none =tunately r++ at ?is mom5t7 & f\r male & female att5dants ) notebooks & p5cils eag]ly pois$4 ,paul sprang f 8 *air :5 he saw me4 ,! att5dants fell back4 8,"h he is60 ,he grabb$ my h& & clung to x vise-l3 ,i c\ld almo/ feel ! en]gy puls+ 9 8 f+]tips1 vibrat+ ?r\gh 8 body 444 8 he>tbeat 0 obvi\sly two to my e "o4 8,team1 ?is is ,eug5e ,lu!r40 ,! team 0 prop]ly impress$ & "o ( ! girls1 slov5ly b intellig5t-look+1 said3 8,x 0 y :o br\ght me "h4 ,fir/ y ,i mean 444 & !n ( c\rse ,cave40 ,i murmur$ vaguely & ! o!rs told me h[ cle> ,i _h made all philosophy 9 ! light ( ,cavesword4 7,i believe x 0 t day1 c]ta9ly t week1 ,cavesword 0 co9$ by ,paul to d5ote ! entire message ( ,john ,cave to ! _w74 ,paul !n %oo$ ! team out ) in/ructions he 0 n to be bo!r$4 ,! door1 h[ev]1 0 left op54 8,well1 :at d y ?9k ( !m80 ,he lean$ back1 beam+ at me f 8 *air4 8,!y seem v 444 e>ne/10 ,i said1 wond]+ n only :at ,i 0 suppos$ to ?9k b1 m to ! po9t1 :at ,i did ?9k ( ! :ole bus9ess4 8,i'll say !y are6 ,i tell y1 ,g5e1 ,i've nev] se5 any?+ l x4 ,! ?+'s bigg] ev5 ?an t damn$ croon] ,i h&l$ 444 y may rememb] ! "o4 ,ev]yone has be5 call+ up &1 look60 ,he po9t$ to sev]al bu%el baskets conta9+ telegrams & lett]s4 8,?is is only a fraction ( ! response s9ce ! teleca/4 ,f all ov] ! _w4 ,i tell y1 ,g5e1 we're 940 8,:at ab\t ,cave8 ,:]e is he80 8,he's out on ,long ,isl&4 ,! press is on my tail try+ to int]view him b ,i say no1 no g1 fell[s1 n yet2 & does t excite !m6 ,we've _h to hire gu>ds at ! place on ,long ,isl& j to keep !m away40 8,h[ is ,cave tak+ x all80 8,9 8 /ride1 absolute model ( coolness :i* is m ?an ,i am4 ,he agrees t x's bett] to keep him "u wraps :ile ! teleca/s are go+ on4 ,x means t curiosity ab\t him w increase l nobody's bus9ess4 ,look at ?is40 ,he %[$ me a pro( %eet ( a tabloid /ory3 8,my/]y ,prophet ,w[s ,,tv ,audi5ce10 ) a photograph ( ,cave tak5 f ! teleca/ & ano!r "o %[+ ,cave duck+ into a taxi1 8 face turn$ away f ! cam]a4 ,! /ory seem$ mo/ provocative &1 = t complac5t tabloid1 a little bewild]$4 8,com+ out ,sunday10 said ,paul ) satisfaction4 8,!re's also go+ to be cov]age f ! big circulation m$ia4 ,!y're go+ to cov] ! next broadca/ ev5 ?\gh we said nobody'd be all[$ on ! set :ile ,cave 0 speak+40 ,he h&$ me a bundle ( manuscript pages be>+ ! title 8,:o ,is ,cave80 8,t's ! /ory ,i plant$ 9 "o ( ! slick magaz9es4 ,hir$ a "n-writ]1 z y c see1 to d x40 ,! "n-writ]'s "n 0 n kn[n to me b1 presumably1 x w\ld be famili> to ! mass audi5ce4 8,&1 bigge/ ( all1 we got a sponsor4 ,we _h elev5 (f]s already & we've tak5 ,duma9e ,*emicals4 ,!y're pay+ u en\gh money to und]write ?is :ole setup "h1 & pay = ,cave & me z well4 ,x's t]rific b dignifi$4 ,j a simple '?r\gh ! c\rtesy (' at ! beg9n+ & ano!r at ! end ( ea* teleca/4 ,:at d y ?9k ( t80 8,unprec$5t$60 ,i _h *os5 my ^w "s m9utes be=e 444 "o :i* w\ld h a cool+ effect4 8,i'll say4 ,by ! way1 we're gett+ a lot ( /uff on t book ( y\rs40 ,he rea*$ 9 a draw] & pull$ out a manila fold] :i* he pu%$ t[>d me4 8,take !m home if y l4 ,g ov] !m c>efully 444 might give y "s ideas = ! next "o2 y "k3 gr\nd :i* ne$s cov]+40 8,is !re to be a next "o80 8,man1 a flock ( next ones6 ,we've got a lot to d1 to expla94 ,p want to "k all k9ds ( ?+s4 ,i'm hav+ ! kids out 9 ! front (fice d a breakd[n on all ! lett]s we've got3 to get ! g5]al reaction 444 :at x is p mo/ want to he>1 &1 believe me1 we've be5 gett+ m damn$ que/ions1 & n j ! ma9 ?+ b family problems too1 ?+s l t3 ',please1 ,mr4 ,cave1 ,i'm m>ri$ to two m5 & feel maybe x's a mi/ake s9ce ,i h to "w nights anyway4' ,"l1 "s ( !m are crazi] ?an t40 8,are y answ]+ all ( !m80 8,oh1 yes1 b 9 my "n4 ,all except a few ( ! mo/ int]e/+ :i* g to ,cave = p]sonal att5tion4 ,i've be5 toy+ ) ! idea ( sett+ up a c\nselor-s]vice = p ) problems40 8,b :at c y tell !m80 ,i 0 m & m appall$4 8,ev]y?+ 9 ! light ( ,cavesword4 ,y h no idea h[ _m que/ions t does answ]4 ,?9k ab\t x & y'll see :at ,i mean4 ,b ( c\rse we foll[ /&>d psy*iatric proc$ure only x's spe$$ up s t aft] a c\ple ( visits !re c be a practical & inspirational answ] to _! problems4 ,/okh>9 said he'd be happy to give x a try1 b we hav5't yet work$ out all ! details40 ,i didn't want to he> any?+ m ab\t ?is2 ,i *ang$ ! subject4 8,:at did y h 9 m9d = me to d80 8,cavesword appli$ to ev]yday life40 ,he spoke )\t hesitation2 he _h ?\ght ( ev]y?+4 8,we'll "k m :at p want to he> aft] a few m teleca/s1 aft] m lett]s & s on4 ,!n supply ,cavesword :]e y c &1 :]e y c't1 j use common s5se & /&>d psy*iatric proc$ure40 8,ev5 :5 !y don't always co9cide80 ,paul ro>$ ) laught]4 8,always ! big knock]1 ,g5e4 ,t's :at ,i l ab\t y 444 ! disapprov+ air 444 x's wond]ful & ,i'm q s]i\s4 ,p l myself 444 vision>ies1 y might say1 cont9ually get _! feet (f ! gr\nd & x's p l y :o pull u back 444 make u ?9k4 ,anyway1 ,i hope y'll be able to get to x soon4 ,we'll h our end tak5 c>e ( by ! "t ! teleca/s are ov]40 8,w y %[ ,cave to ! _w !n8 ,i mean 9 p]son80 8,i don't "k4 ,by ! way1 we're hav+ a directors' meet+ ,friday morn+4 ,y'll get a notice 9 ! mail4 ,"o ( ! ?+s we're go+ to take up is j t problem1 s y be ?9k+ ab\t x 9 ! meantime4 ,i h a hun* x may be sm>t to keep him away f int]view]s = good40 8,t's impossible40 8,i'm n s sure4 ,he's pretty retir+ except :5 he speaks4 ,i don't ?9k he'd m9d ! isolation "o bit4 ,y see h[ dull he gets 9 company :5 he's n p]=m+40 8,w\ld he cons5t1 d y ?9k80 8,i ?9k s4 ,we c\ld p]suade him1 ,i'm sure4 ,anyway1 = n[ he's a my/]y man4 ,millions see him once a week b no "o kn[s him except ourselves4 ,a p]fect /ate ( affairs1 if y ask me40 8,y mean !re's always a *ance he might make a fool ( himself if a t\gh int]view] got hold ( him80 8,exactly1 & believe me !re's go+ to be a lot ( !m aft] 8 scalp40 8,h !y begun already80 8,n yet4 ,we h y to ?ank = t1 too1 mak+ x s cle> t ?\gh :at we said c]ta9ly conflicts ) all ! *ur*es we're really n compet+ ) !m1 t p li/5+ to ,cavesword c g "r on be+ ,bapti/s & s on40 8,i don't see h[1 if !y accept ,cave40 8,nei!r d ,i1 b = ! "t be+ t's our l9e40 8,!n !re's to be a fight ) ! *ur*es80 ,paul nodd$ grimly4 8,& x's go+ to be a honey4 ,p don't take all ! sup]natural junk s]i\sly ^! days b !y d g = ! social idea ( ! *ur*1 ! uplift k9d ( ?+3 t's :]e we'll h to meet !m1 :]e we'll h to lick !m at _! own game40 ,i look$ at him = "o long mom5t3 ,i _h ( c\rse anticipat$ some?+ l ?is f ! mom5t t ,cave _h become an organization & n m]ely "o man talk+4 ,i _h realiz$ t expansion 0 inevitable3 ! rule ( life is m life & ( organization m organization1 increas$ dom9ion4 ,yet ,i _h n suspect$ ,paul ( hav+ grasp$ ?is s cle>ly1 us+ x s promptly to 81 to our advantage4 ,! ?\ght t n only 0 he clev]] ?an ,i _h suspect$ b t he might1 inde$1 despite 8 un=tunate approa*1 be ev5 clev]] ?an myself1 disagreeably occurr$ to me4 ,i _h until !n reg>d$ myself z ! unique intellectual ( ! ,cavites1 ! "o sane man among maniacs & opportuni/s3 x seem$ n[ t !re 7 two ( u ) op5 eyes &1 ( ! two1 he alone possess$ ambition & en]gy1 qualities nei!r ( :i* ,i possess$ to any useful degree4 8,y mean ?is to be a religion1 ,paul80 ,he smil$1 8,maybe1 yes 444 some?+ on t ord] p]haps4 ,some?+ workable1 ?\gh1 = n[3 ,i've ?\ght ab\t :at y said ! o!r night40 8,does ,cave want ?is80 ,paul %rugg$4 8,:o c tell4 ,i %\ld ?9k s b ?is is n really a problem = him to decide4 ,he has happ5$4 ,n[ we respond4 ,/okh>9 feels t a practical fai?1 a belief 9 ways ( behavior :i* ! be/ mod]n analy/s are agre$ on z be+ close/ to ideal1 might p]=m absolute miracles4 ,no m guilt-feel+ ab\t sex if ,cave 7 to tea* t all is prop] :5 x does no h>m to o!rs 444 & ! desire to d h>m to o!rs might ev5 be p>tly remov$ if !re 7 no false my/]ies1 no t]rible w>n+s 9 *ildhood & s on4 ,j 9 t "o area ( behavior we c\ld "w wond]s6 ,( c\rse !re w\ld /ill be problems b ! ma9 ones c\ld be solv$ if p take to ,cave & to u4 ,cavesword is already kn[n & x's a revelation to millions 444 we "k t4 ,n[ !y are look+ to him = guidance 9 o!r fields4 ,!y "k ab\t dea? at la/4 ,n[ we mu/ tell !m ab\t liv+ & we are lucky to h available s mu* fir/-rate sci5tific rese>* 9 ! human psy*e4 ,i suspect we c ev5 /rike on an ideal behavior patt]n by :i* p c measure !mselves40 8,& to :i* !y w be made to con=m80 ,direction 0 becom+ cle> already4 8,h[ c we =ce anyone to d any?+8 ,our :ole p[] is t p come to u1 to ,cave volunt>ily because !y feel "h1 at la/1 is ! answ]40 ,paul might v well h be5 s9c]e3 !re is no way ( det]m9+1 ev5 n[4 8,well1 rememb]1 ,paul1 t y w d m good ?an h>m by attempt+ to supplant old dogmas & cu/oms ) new dogmas4 ,x w be ! same 9 ! end except t ! old is less militant1 less dang]\s ?an a new law impos$ by en?usia/s40 8,don't say 'y4' ,say 'we4' ,y're z mu* a "p ( ?is z ,i am4 ,aft] all y're a director4 ,y've got a say-s 9 ^! matt]s4 ,j speak up ,friday40 ,paul 0 sudd5ly g5ial & placat+4 8,i don't pret5d ,i've got all ! answ]s4 ,i'm j talk+ (f ! top ( my head1 l !y say40 ,a memb] ( ! team bur/ into ! (fice ) ! news t ,bi%op ,w9/on 0 outside4 8,n[ x />ts10 said ,paul ) a grimace4 ,! ,bi%op did n recognize me z we pass$ "o ano!r 9 ! (fice4 ,he look$ grim & he 0 we>+ cl]ical g>b4 8,he's too late10 said a lean y\?1 nodd+ at ! *ur*man's back4 8,pr(essional con-m510 said 8 companion ) disgu/4 8,!y've _h _! day40 ,& ) t 9 my e>s1 ,i walk$ out into ! sn[-swirl+ /reet1 into ! bleak op5+ ( ! new ye>1 ( ,cave's ye>4 ,i 0 m al>m$ ?an ev] by :at ,paul _h told me & by :at ,i he>d on e side4 ,9 drug/ores & b>s & re/aurants1 p talk$ ( ,cave4 ,i c\ld ev5 tell :5 ,i did n he> ! "n t x 0 ( him !y spoke3 a c]ta9 int5tness1 a great curiosity1 a wond]4 ,9 ! book/ores1 copies ( my introduction 7 display$ ) l>ge bl[n-up photographs ( ,cave to accompany !m4 ,alone 9 a b> on ,madison ,av5ue :]e ,i'd tak5 refuge f ! cold1 ,i glanc$ at ! clipp+s ,paul _h giv5 me4 ,!re 7 two sets4 ,! fir/ 7 ! orig9al p]functory ones :i* _h appe>$1 %ort1 puzzl$ 444 ! review]s1 kn[+ ev5 less philosophy ?an ,i1 t5d$ to "q my proposition t ,caveswood 0 any?+ m ?an a s+le speculation 9 r a l>ge field4 ,i'd obvi\sly n communicat$ 8 magic1 only its record :i*1 l ! te/am5t ( miracles1 dep5ds entirely on fai? & to inspire fai? "o ne$$ ,cave himself4 8,:at d y ?9k ab\t ! guy80 ! wait]1 a fragile s5sitive ,lat9 ) p>*m5t-lidd$ eyes mopp$ ! spill$ g9 (f my table 7he'd se5 a picture ( ,cave among my clipp+s74 8,x's h>d to say10 ,i said4 8,h[ did he /rike y80 8,boy1 l lightn+60 ,! wait] beam$2 a smile :i* %[$ brok5 tee? spoil$ ! delicate l9e ( 8 face4 8,( c\rse ,i'm ,ca?olic b ?is is some?+ new4 ,"s p be5 tell+ me y c't be a good ,ca?olic & g = ?is guy4 ,b :y n8 ,i say4 ,y /ill got ,virg9m]ry & n[ y got him1 too1 = "r n[4 ,y ought to see ! cr[d we get "h to see ! ,,tv :5 he's on4 ,x's wild40 ,x 0 wild1 ,i ?\ght1 putt+ ! clipp+s back into ! fold]4 ,yet x might be kept )9 b\nds4 ,paul _h emphasiz$ my director%ip1 my place 9 ! /ructure 444 well1 ,i w\ld %[ !m :at %\ld be done or1 r1 n done4 ,!n ,i w5t out into ! sn[-dimm$ /reet & hail$ a cab4 ,all ! way to ,iris's ap>tm5t ,i 0 rehe>s+ :at ,i w\ld say to ,paul :5 next we met4 8,leave !m alone10 ,i said al\d4 8,x is en\gh to op5 ! w9d[s40 8,op5 ! w9d[s60 ,! driv] snort$4 8,x's damn ne> =ty 9 ! /reet40 #d ,iris occupi$ sev]al rooms on ! second floor ( a br[n/one 9 a /reet )1 pleasante/ ( ,new ,york ana*ronisms1 trees4 ,:5 ,i ent]$1 %e 0 do+ yogi ex]cises on ! floor1 sitt+ crosslegg$ on a mat1 h] sl5d] legs 9 leot>ds & h] face flu%$ ) /ra94 8,x j doesn't "w = me60 %e said & /ood up )\t emb>rassm5t =1 s9ce ,i'd f\nd ! ma9 door unlock$1 ,i'd op5$ ?is "o too1 )\t knock+4 8,i'm sorry1 ,iris1 ! d[n/airs door 044440 8,don't be silly40 ,%e roll$ up ! mat effici5tly4 8,i 0 expect+ y b ,i lo/ track ( "t 444 :i* means x mu/ be work+ a little4 ,i'll be "r back40 ,%e w5t into ! b$room & ,i sat d[n1 amus$ by ?is unexpect$ side to ,iris3 ,i wond]$ if p]haps %e 0 a devotee ( :eat g]m & m9t tea z well4 ,%e claim$ n4 8,x's ! only real ex]cise ,i get10 %e said1 *ang$ n[ to a heavy robe :i* completely swa!d h] figure z %e sat curl$ up 9 a great arm*air1 dr9k+ ,scot*1 z did ,i1 ! w9t] outside hid by drawn curta9s1 by w>m? & light4 8,h y done x long80 8,oh1 (f & on = ye>s4 ,i nev] get any:]e b x's v re/ful & ,i've felt s jitt]y lately t any?+ :i* relaxes me 4440 h] voice trail$ (f idly4 ,%e seem$ relax$ n[4 8,i've be5 to see ,paul10 ,i began importantly4 8,ah40 ,b ,i c\ld n1 sudd5ly1 g5]ate suffici5t ang] to speak out ) eloqu5ce4 ,i w5t ar\nd my ang] /eal?ily1 a murd]] /alk+ 8 victim4 8,we disagre$40 8,9 :at80 8,9 ev]y?+1 ,i %\ld say40 8,t's s easy ) ,paul40 ,iris /ret*$ lazily2 ice *att]$ 9 h] glass2 a c>'s horn melodi\s & =eign s\nd$ 9 ! /reet bel[4 8,we ne$ him4 ,if x wasn't ,paul1 x might be someone a great deal worse4 ,at lea/ he's intellig5t & devot$4 ,t makes up = a lot40 8,i don't ?9k s2 ,iris1 he's e/abli%+ a sort ( sup]m>ket1 %ort-ord] *ur* = ! masses40 ,%e laugh$ delight$ly4 8,i l t 444 &1 9 a way1 y're "r3 t's :at he w\ld d left to himself40 8,he seems 9 complete control40 8,only ( ! (fice4 ,john makes all ! decisions40 8,i wi% ,i c\ld be sure ( t40 8,y'll see on ,friday4 ,y'll be at ! meet+1 won't y80 ,i nodd$4 8,i h a feel+ t betwe5 ,paul & ,/okh>9 ?is ?+ is go+ to turn into a _w-wide cl9ic = m5tal heal?40 8,i expect worse ?+s c\ld happ51 b ,paul mu/ /ill cont5d ) me & y & ( c\rse ! f9al ^w is ) ,john40 8,h[ is ,cave1 by ! way8 ,i hav5't se5 him s9ce ! night ( ! fir/ teleca/40 8,q relax$1 unlike ! re/ ( u4 ,y %\ld come out ) me "o day to ,long ,isl& & see him4 ,i g ne>ly e day = a few h\rs4 ,he's kept completely remov$ f ev]yone except ! s]vants & ,paul & me40 8,does he l t80 8,he doesn't seem to m9d4 ,he walks a good deal 444 x's a big place & he's us$ to ! cold4 ,he reads a little1 mo/ly detective /ories 444 & !n ( c\rse !re's ! mail t ,paul s5ds on4 ,he works at t (f & on all day4 ,i help him & :5 we're /uck 7y %\ld see ! que/ions67 we consult ,/okh>9 :o's v good on "s ?+s1 on problems44440 8,& a bore ! re/ ( ! "t40 8,t's "r10 ,iris giggl$4 8,i c\ldn't h be5 m furi\s ! o!r night1 b1 s9ce !n1 ,i've se5 a good deal ( him & he's n half bad4 ,we've got him ov] ! idea t ,john %\ld become a lay analy/3 ! response to ! teleca/ f9ally conv9c$ ,/okh>9 t "h 0 a racial 'folk-fa!r-figure' 444 8 v own words4 ,n[ he's out to educate ! fa!r s t he w fulfill 8 *ildr5's ne$s on ! be/ po/-,jungian l9es40 8,does ,cave take him s]i\sly80 8,he's bor$ to dea? ) him4 ,/okh>9's ! only man :o's ev] _h ! bad s5se to lecture ,john 444 :o absolutely hates x2 b he does feel t ,/okh>9's answ]s to "s ( ! problems we're confront$ ) are +5i\s4 ,all t 444 h9ts to ! lovelorn is too mu* = ,john1 s we ne$ ! ,/okh>9s to take c>e ( details40 8,i hope he's c>eful n to get too involv$40 8,john's incorruptible4 ,n because he is s noble or con/ant b because he c only ?9k a c]ta9 way & o!r op9ions1 o!r evid5ce1 c't t\* him40 ,i paus$1 wond]+ if ?is 0 true2 !n3 8,i'm go+ to make a sc5e on ,friday4 ,i'm go+ to sugge/ t ,paul is mov+ 9 a dang]\s direction1 t[>d organization & dogma & t if some?+ is n done soon we'll all be ru9$ by t :i* we mo/ dete/3 a militant absoluti/ doctr9e40 ,iris look$ at me curi\sly4 8,tell me1 ,g5e1 :at d y want8 ,:y are y /ill ) ,cave1 ) all ( u :5 y s app>5tly suspect ! g5]al direction8 ,y've always be5 p]fectly cle> ab\t :at y did n want 7,i c recall1 ,i ?9k1 e ^w y said at ! f>m t night7 b1 to be specific1 :at w\ld y l all ?is to become8 ,h[ w\ld y direct ?+s if y c\ld80 ,i'd be5 prep>+ myself = su* a "q = sev]al mon?s yet ,i /ill _h no s+le answ] to make :i* w\ld %>ply express my own d\bts & wi%es4 ,b ,i made an attempt4 8,i w\ld n organize1 = "o ?+4 ,i'd h ,cave speak regul>ly1 all he likes1 b !re w\ld be no ,cavite1 ,inc41 no ,paul plant+ articles & propag&iz+4 ,i'd keep j ,cave1 no?+ m4 ,let him d 8 "w4 ,!n1 gradually1 !re w be effects1 a gradual end to sup]/ition44440 ,iris look$ at me int5tly4 8,if x 7 possible1 ,i w\ld say we %\ld d :at y sugge/1 ev5 ?\gh x w\ld be ru9\s n only = u b = ev]yone44440 8,:y ru9\s8 ,a fre$om to come to a decision on "o's own )\t44440 8,t's x4 ,no "o c be all[$ t fre$om4 ,"o doesn't ne$ mu* s*ol>%ip or ev5 exp]i5ce to see t4 ,ev]y:]e p are held 9 *eck by /ifl+ b famili> p[]s4 ,p are us$ to tyranny3 !y expect gov]nm5ts to dem& _! s\ls1 & !y h giv5 up decisions on _m levels = love ( security4 ,:at y sugge/ is impossible ) ?is race at ?is "t40 8,y're talk+ nons5se4 ,aft] all1 obeisance to e/abli%$ religions is ! ord] ( ! day1 yet look at ! response to ,cave :o is und]m9+ ! :ole ,*ri/ian /ructure40 8,& wait until y see ! fight !y're go+ to put up60 said ,iris grimly4 8,=tunately1 ,cave's ^w is ! mortal bl[ ?\gh ,cave himself w\ld be _! c]ta9 victim if he 0 protect$1 if !re 0 no organization to gu>d him1 & ! ,^w40 8,s ,paul & 8--8 team1 8 proselytes are to become m]ely an equival5t p[]1 combat+ ! old sup]/itions ) _! own weapons40 8,m or less1 yes4 ,t's :at x has come to40 8,ev5 ?\gh 8 talk+ to ! p w\ld be en\gh8 ,let !m use him1 n he !m40 8,a good slogan10 ,iris smil$4 8,b ,i ?9k ,i'm "r4 ,no "o w\ld h a *ance to see or he> him if x w]5't = ,paul2 y %\ld read ! ?reat5+ lett]s we've be5 gett+40 8,i ?\ght all ! mail 0 mo/ admir+80 8,all t came f p :o've actually he>d him b !re's a lot com+ 9 n[ f religi\s fanatics4 ,!y are v extreme4 ,& ( c\rse ! *ur*es1 "o by "o1 are />t+ to take notice40 8,i saw ,bi%op ,w9/on 9 ,paul's (fice today40 8,he's be5 try+ to see ,john all week4 ,he f9ally settl$ = ,paul1 ,i ga!r4 ,9 any case1 aft] ! next teleca/ !re w really be a /orm40 8,! next8 ,:at's go+ to happ5 !n80 8,john w tell !m t !re's no ne$ = ! *ur*es1 t _! p[] d]ives f sup]/ition & bloody de$s40 ,i 0 />tl$4 8,:5 did ?is hit him8 ,i ?\ght he int5d$ to g on z he 01 )\t ev] com+ out op5ly aga9/ !m40 8,i 0 surpris$ too4 ,he told me ye/]day2 he'd be5 brood+ all day &1 sudd5ly1 he />t$ to attack !m4 ,x's go+ to be murd]\s40 8,i hope n = him40 8,oh1 he'll conv9ce1 ,i'm sure ( t3 b _! rev5ge44440 ,%e gave a tr\bl$ sigh4 8,anyway1 ,g5e1 y d see :y we c't1 = our own safety1 disp5se ) ,paul & 8 f9anci]s & press ag5ts & all ! squalid b necess>y crew40 8,x may be too late10 ,i agre$4 8,b ,i fe> ! end40 8,no "o c tell2 besides1 z long z y & ,i are !re ) ,john x w be all "r40 ,i felt h] confid5ce 0 n entirely ju/ifi$ b ,i det]m9$1 = ! mom5t1 to def] my attack on ,paul's me?ods until a saf] "t4 ,we argu$ ab\t ! wisdom ( ! com+ teleca/3 0 x really necess>y to confront ! enemy explicitly8 & 9 8 own c\ntry1 s to speak8 ,iris 0 n sure1 b %e felt ,cave's in/9ct 0 "r ev5 ?\gh he _h1 p]haps1 be5 goad$ into action soon] ?an we'd anticipat$ by ! h>% lett]s ( ,*ri/ian zealots4 ,& !n by sl[ degrees1 by c>eful circl+1 ! conv]sation grew p]sonal4 8,i've nev] told anyone else10 said ,iris1 look+ at me speculatively4 8,don't worry2 ,i hav5't repeat$ any ( x40 ,&1 z always at su* times1 ,i felt a w>m flood ( guilt3 any direct /atem5t ( p]sonal innoc5ce has always made me feel completely crim9al4 8,b s9ce ,i've told y1 ,i 444 x's a relief to h someone ,i c talk to ab\t ,john4 ,i don't d>e m5tion 8 "n to my family1 to my old fri5ds 444 ,i don't ?9k !y ev5 "k yet t ,i've met him40 8,i ?\ght x has all be5 9 ! pap]s40 8,i hav5't be5 m5tion$ b1 aft] ,friday1 ev]yone w "k4 ,paul says !re's no way = u to duck inquiries4 ,aft] ! directors' meet+ he'll issue a /atem5t nam+ directors1 /ockhold]s & s on40 8,b ev5 !n1 :y %\ld anyone suspect y 7 int]e/$ 9 ,cave or he 9 y8 ,x's possible m]ely to be a director1 isn't x80 ,iris %rugg$4 8,y "k h[ p are4 ,cl>issa keeps want+ to h :at %e calls a comfy *at ab\t ev]y?+ & ,i keep putt+ h] (f4 ,/okh>9 n[ takes x = grant$ t ,john & ,i sleep toge!r1 t he is ! fa!r-image to me & ,i ! "m to him40 ,x _h an odd r+ to x & ,i laugh$4 8,d y ?9k t's a s\nd po/-,jungian analysis80 ,iris smil$ fa9tly4 8,:atev] x is1 ! feel+1 su* z x is1 is all on my side40 8,& he %[s no sign ( return+ y\r affection80 8,none at all4 ,he's devot$ to me1 ,i ?9k4 ,he relies on my judgm5t4 ,he tru/s me1 :i* is m ?an he does anyone else ,i "k (44440 8,ev5 me80 ,always ! 8,i0 com+ betwe5 me & :at ,i wi%$ to "k3 t insatiable1 di/ress+ 8,i40 8,yes1 ev5 y1 de>1 & ,paul too4 ,he's on gu>d aga9/ ev]yone1 b n 9 a na/y or suspici\s way4 ,he 444 :at is ! phrase8 he keeps 8 own c\nsel40 8,& y are ! c\nsel80 8,9 a s5se1 & no?+ m40 8,p]haps y %\ld give up4 ,x w\ld seem t 444 love 0 n possible = him4 ,if s1 x's unwise = y to put y\rself 9 su* a position 444 h>mful1 too40 8,b !re's /ill ! o!r ,cave4 ,i love him z well & ! two are1 f9ally1 ! same40 8,a metaphysique80 8,no1 or at lea/ ,i don't see a p>adox4 ,x's some?+ else2 x's l com+ out ( an illness ) no pa/ at all1 only a memory ( pa9 & dullness :i* soon goes 9 ! wond]ful pres5t40 8,x80 8,my love is x40 ,h] voice grew /rong4 8,i've le>n$ t 9 lov+ him ,i love life1 :i* ,i nev] did be=e4 ,:y1 ,i c ev5 value o!rs n[1 value all ^? faceless creatures :om ,i knew )\t ev] bo!r+ to see1 to br+ 9 focus ! dim blurs ( all t _w alive4 ,i liv$ asleep4 ,n[ ,i am awake40 8,he does n love y40 8,:y %\ld he8 ,x's gone beyond t4 ,i'm no long] ! scales mo/ lov]s are1 weigh+ ! de$s & gifts & treasures pr(f]$ aga9/ ^? receiv$ or /ol5 f ! o!r1 try+ always to br+ into fatal balance two sep>ate impond]ables4 ,i give myself & :at ,i take is life1 ! k t !re is ano!r creature 9 ! _w ^: wond]1 to me at lea/1 is all-satisfy+ by m]ely be+40 8,is x s t]rible to be alive80 8,beyond all expectation1 my poor fri5d40 ,& !n ,i left h] to return to w9t]1 to ! sn[-fill$ /reets & my old pa94 #e ,! second teleca/ _h ! anticipat$ effect4 ,! day aft]1 ,friday1 ne>ly a hundr$ ?\s& lett]s & telegrams _h be5 receiv$1 & ,cave's life _h be5 ?reat5$ f\r times ov] ! telephone4 ,i 0 awak5$ at five o'clock on ,friday morn+ by a newspap] man begg+ an int]view4 ,half-asleep1 irritably1 ,i told him to g to hell & hung up ?\gh n be=e ,i'd he>d ! je]3 8,?\ght y fell[s did away ) hell40 ,?is woke me up & ,i made c(fee1 /ill keep+ my eyes half-%ut 9 ! dim w9t] light1 hop+ sleep might return to its accu/om$ p]*2 b m telephone calls demoraliz$ my fragile ally & ,i 0 left wide awake1 un%av51 ) fa/-beat+ he>t beside ! telephone1 dr9k+ c(fee4 ,e few m9utes !re 0 a call f "s newspap] man or editor reque/+ in=mation3 !y _h all be5 %ock$ by ! teleca/4 ,:5 ,i told !m !y %\ld get 9 t\* ) ,cave himself1 or at lea/ ) ,paul's (fice1 !y only laugh$3 ?\s&s 7 try+ to get to speak to ,paul1 t5s ( ?\s&s to ,cave2 ! result 0 *aos4 ,%akily1 ,i took ! phone (f its hook & got dress$4 ,:5 ,i op5$ my door to get ! morn+ pap]1 a ?9 "y man leap$ pa/ me into my liv+ room & an*or$ himself to a heavy *air4 8,:at44440 ,i began2 he 0 only too eag] to expla9 ! :at & ! :y4 8,& s10 he end$1 brea?lessly1 8! ,/> has au?oriz$ me to advance y n only t money b exp5ses1 too1 = an exclusive feature on ,cave & ! ,cavites40 8,i wi%10 ,i said1 v g5tle 9 ! pres5ce ( su* en?usiasm1 8t y w\ld g away4 ,x's five 9 ! morn+44440 8,y're our only hope10 ! boy wail$4 8,e pap] & news s]vice has be5 try+ to get pa/ ! gate out on ,long ,isl& = ?ree weeks & fail$4 ,!y c\ldn't ev5 %oot him at long range40 8,%oot him40 8,get a picture4 ,n[ please44440 8,paul ,himmell is y\r man4 ,he's au?oriz$ to speak = ,cave4 ,he has an (fice 9 ! ,empire ,/ate ,build+ & he keeps respectable h\rs2 s :y don't y44440 8,we hav5't be5 able to get ev5 a release out ( him = ?ree days n[4 ,x's c5sor%ip1 t's :at x is40 ,i _h to smile4 8,we're n ! gov]nm5t4 ,cave is a private citiz5 & ?is is a private organization4 ,if we *oose n to give int]views y h no "r to pe/] u40 8,oh1 come (f x40 ,! "y man 0 at an age :]e ! ne$s ( ambition 7 (t5 less /rong ?an ! desire = true expression2 = a mom5t he =got t he ne$$ my =be>ance & ,i lik$ him bett]4 8,?is is ! bigge/ news t's hit t[n s9ce ! w>4 ,y guys h got ! :ole c\ntry ask+ que/ions & ! big "o is3 :o is ,cave80 8,!re'll be an ann\ncem5t today1 ,i ?9k1 ab\t ! company4 ,z = ,cave1 ,i sugge/ y read a little book call$ ',an ,introduction to4444'0 8,( c\rse ,i've read x4 ,t's :y ,i'm "h4 ,n[1 please1 ,mr4 ,lu!r1 give me an exclusive ev5 if y won't take ! ,/>'s g5]\s (f]4 ,at lea/ tell me some?+ ,i c use40 ,i sat d[n heavily2 a bit ( c(fee splatt]$ f cup to sauc] to ! back ( my h&3 x dri$ /ickily4 ,i felt worn-out already1 ! day only j begun4 8,:at d y want me to tell y8 ,:at w\ld y mo/ l to he>8 ,:at d y expect me to say s9ce1 be+ a good j\rnali/1 t is :at y'll write no matt] :at ,i tell y80 8,oh1 t's n true4 ,i want to "k :at ,cave's all ab\t z a p]son1 z a tea*]40 8,well1 :at d y ?9k he's up to80 8,me8 ,:y 444 ,i don't "k4 ,i nev] he>d him on ! air until la/ night4 ,x 0 /rong /uff40 8,7 y conv9c$80 8,9 a way1 yes4 ,he said a lot ( ?+s ,i agre$ ) b ,i 0 a little surpris$ at 8 go+ aft] ! *ur*es4 ,n t ,i l any?+ ab\t !m1 b /ill x's "s /unt to get up & talk l t 9 front ( millions ( p4 ,i mean y j don't say ^? ?+s any m1 ev5 if y d ?9k !m 444 c't (f5d m9orities2 t's :at we le>n fir/ 9 j\rnalism s*ool40 8,!re's "p ( y\r answ] !n3 ,cave is a man :o1 unlike o!rs1 says :at he ?9ks is true ev5 if x makes him unpopul>4 ,!re's "s virtue 9 t40 8,i guess he c af=d to 9 8 position10 said ! boy vaguely4 8,y "k we got ,bi%op ,w9/on to answ] him = ! ,/>4 ,sign$ him la/ night aft] ,cave w5t (f ! air4 ,i'm sure he'll d a good job4 ,n[44440 ,we wre/l$ across ! room2 s9ce ,i 0 ! /rong]1 ,i won my privacy ?\gh muffl$ ?reats ( exposure 7 hurl$ at me f beh9d ! n[-bolt$ door4 ,act+ on an impulse1 ,i left ! ap>tm5t z soon z ,i 0 sure my rec5t visitor _h gone4 ,i 0 afraid t o!rs w\ld try to f9d me if ,i /ay$ home2 fe>s :i* 7 ju/ifi$3 accord+ to ! elevator man1 he _h turn$ away sev]al m5 already4 ,! "o :o did get ?r\gh _h come up ! fire escape4 ,i walk$ quickly out into ! quiet /reet1 ! sn[ n[ gone to slu% z d+y z ! morn+ sky4 ,=tunately1 ! day 0 nei!r w9dy nor cold & ,i walk$ to a ,times ,squ>e automat = an e>ly breakfa/4 ,i 0 reassur$ by anonymity4 ,all ar\nd me sleepy m5 & wom5 clut*+ newspap]s1 briefcases & lun* pails sat sull5ly *ew+ _! breakfa/1 sleep n yet dep>t$4 ,i b\ght a roll1 m c(fee1 hom9y grits :i* ,i dete/$ 9 ! ,nor? b occasionally tri$ 9 ! hope t1 by accid5t1 ,i might /umble ^u ! real ?+4 ,^! 7 n ! real ?+ & ,i left !m unt\*$ :ile ,i read my pap]4 ,cave 0 on ! front page4 ,n prom95t1 b /ill he 0 !re4 ,! n[-/&>d photograph look$ d>kly f ! page4 ,! headl9e ann\nc$ t3 8,prophet ,flays ,*ur*es z ,millions ,li/540 ,!re foll[$ a p>aphrase ( ! teleca/ :i* began ) ^? fateful & soon to be fam\s words3 8,our qu>rel is n ) ,*ri/ b ) 8 keep]s40 ,i wond]$1 z ,i read1 if anyone _h ev] tak5 "o ( ! teleca/s d[n 9 %or?& & made a transcript ( x4 ,i1 = "o1 %\ld h be5 curi\s to see 9 cold pr9t "o ( ^? s]mons4 ,cave himself knew t )\t 8 pres5ce !y w\ld n /& up &1 consequ5tly1 he all[$ none ( !n to be transcrib$2 ! result 0 t :5ev] !re 0 a report ( "o ( 8 talks x 01 necess>ily1 p>aphras$ :i* gave a curi\s protean flavor to 8 doctr9e1 s9ce ! record$ /yle 0 nev] consi/5t1 *ang+ always ) ea* p>aphras] j z ! orig9al mean+ 0 inv>iably alt]$ by ea* sep>ate li/5] z he adapt$ ! incantation to 8 private ne$s4 ,a fat yell[-fac$ woman sat d[n ) a groan beside me & began to ravi% a plate ( assort$ cakes4 ,h] jaws gr9d+1 ! only visible sign ( life1 = h] eyes 7 glaz$ f sleep & h] body1 incorrectly button$ into a cig>ette-a%-du/$ dress1 0 z /ill z a m\nta91 ev5 ! "w ( lungs 0 obscur$ by ! torpid fle%4 ,i wat*$ h] above ! newspap]1 fasc9at$ by ! regul>ity ) :i* h] jaws gr\nd ! bits ( cake4 ,h] eyes look$ pa/ me into "s invisible _w ( pa/ry4 ,!n1 hav+ f9i%$ ! report on ,cave's teleca/1 ,i put ! newspap] d[n & ate ) delib]ate f9esse my own biscuit4 ,! ru/l+ ( ! newspap] z x 0 fold$ & plac$ on ! table di/urb$ my companion &1 b5ea? ! fat1 h] w sl[ly s5t out in/ructions to ! extremities4 ,%e cle>$ h] ?roat4 ,h] head l[]$4 ,h] *ew+ /opp$2 a bit ( cake 0 tempor>ily lodg$ 9 "o *eek1 held firmly 9 place by a gaudy plate4 ,h] eyes squ9t$ at ! newspap]4 ,%e spoke3 8,some?+ ab\t t prea*] fell[ la/ night80 8,yes4 ,w\ld y l to see x80 ,i pu%$ ! pap] t[>d h]4 ,%e look$ at ! picture1 c>efully spell+ out ! words ( ! headl9es ) heavy lips & deep irregul> brea?s4 8,did y see him la/ night80 %e ask$ :5 h] eye f9ally got to ! small pr9t :]e x /opp$1 z ?\gh halt$ by a d5se jungle4 8,yes4 ,z a matt] ( fact1 ,i did40 8,he sure gave x to !m ba/>ds1 didn't he80 ,h] face lit up joy\sly2 ,i ?\ght ( a ira4 8,y mean ! cl]gy80 8,t's j :at ,i mean4 ,!y _h x too good1 too long4 ,p afraid to say any?+4 ,takes somebody l him to tell u :at we "k & tell !m :]e to head-940 8,d y l :at he said ab\t dy+80 8,ab\t !re be+ no?+8 ,:y1 hell1 mi/]1 ,i knew x all along40 8,b x's good to he> someone else say x80 8,don't d no h>m40 ,%e bel*$ s(tly4 8,i expect !y're go+ to be on 8 tail10 %e add$ ) gloomy pleasure1 spe>+ a fragm5t ( eclair :i* %e _h miss$ on h] fir/ circuit ( h] cr[d$ di%4 ,i sp5t t morn+ 9 ! /reet buy+ newspap]s1 eavesdropp+4 ,i he>d sev]al argum5ts ab\t ,cave3 ! religi\sly or?odox 7 outrag$ b cle>ly int]e/$2 ! o!rs 7 triumphant ?\gh all seem$ to feel t !y1 z ! automat woman _h said1 w\ld soon be on 8 tail4 ,ours 0 no long] a c\ntry :]e ! noncon=mi/ c\ld escape disa/] if he unwisely %[$ a /range face to ! multitude4 ,i tri$ to telephone ,iris & !n ,cl>issa b bo? telephones 7 report$ busy2 ,i call$ ! (fice b 0 told by a me*anical voice t if ,i left my "n & address & bus9ess ,mr4 ,himmell w\ld call me z soon z possible4 ,! siege _h begun4 ,i arriv$ at ! ,empire ,/ate ,build+ half an h\r be=e ! meet+ 0 to beg91 hop+ to f9d out 9 advance f ,paul :at 0 happ5+ & :at we 7 suppos$ to d ab\t x4 ,a picket l9e m>*$ up & d[n be=e ! entrance1 wav+ bann]s1 d5\nc+ ,cave & all 8 works 9 ! names ( v>i\s religi\s gr\ps4 ,a cr[d 0 beg9n+ to ga!r & ! police1 at lea/ a score1 mov$ frantically ab\t1 n kn[+ h[ to keep ! mob out ( ! build+4 ,:5 ,i /epp$ (f ! elevator at ,cave's floor1 ,i f\nd myself a "p ( a l\d & confus$ mass ( m5 & wom5 all %ov+ t[>d ! door :i* 0 m>k$ ,cavite1 ,inc4 ,policem5 b>r$ _! way4 ,long be=e ,i'd got to ! door1 a woman's %oe w5t hurtl+ ?r\gh ! air1 sma%+ a hole 9 ! fro/$ glass4 ,"o policeman cock$ 8 revolv] m5ac+ly4 ,ano!r %\t$1 8,get ! riot squad60 ,b /ill ! cr[d rav$ & %\t$ & qu>rel$4 ,"s want$ to lyn* ,cave 9 ! "n ( ! ,lamb1 :ile o!rs begg$ to be all[$ to t\* him1 j once4 ,i got to ! door at la/1 ?anks to a sudd5 %ove :i* l&$ me ) a cra% into a policeman4 ,he gasp$ & !n1 sn>l+1 rais$ 8 club4 8,bus9ess60 ,i %\t$ ) :at brea? 0 left me4 8,got bus9ess "h4 ,director40 ,i 0 n believ$ b1 aft] "s talk ) a pale secret>y ?r\gh ! %att]$ glass door1 ,i 0 admitt$4 ,! cr[d ro>$ :5 !y saw ?is & mov$ 9 clos]4 ,! door slamm$ %ut beh9d me4 8,x's be5 l ?is s9ce n9e o'clock10 said ! secret>y1 look+ at me ) fright5$ eyes4 8,y mean aft] two h\rs ! police /ill c't d any?+80 8,we didn't call !m "r away4 ,:5 we did x 0 too late4 ,we're b>ricad$ 9 "h40 ,! team sat ab\t at _! desks pret5d+ to "w1 pret5d+ n to notice ! noise f ! corridor4 ,paul1 h[ev]1 0 n 9 ! lea/ di/urb$4 ,he 0 /&+ by ! w9d[ 9 8 (fice look+ out4 ,cl>issa1 h] hat & h] hair toge!r awry3 a confusion ( /raw & veil & bolts ( r$di% hair app>5tly n all h] own1 0 mak+-up 9 a pocket mirror4 8,rav5\s1 wild bea/s60 %e hail$ me4 8,i've se5 _! likes be=e40 8,g5e1 good fell[6 ,got ?r\gh ! mob all "r8 ,"h1 h a bit ( br&y4 ,no8 ,p]haps "s ,scot*80 ,i said x 0 too e>ly = me to dr9k4 ,%akily1 ,i sat d[n4 ,paul laugh$ at ! sight ( u4 8,y bo? look l ! end ( ! _w has come40 8,i'd always pictur$ ! end z be+ q ord]ly44440 ,i began /uffily b ,doctor ,/okh>9's l\d entrance int]rupt$ me4 ,8 spectacles 7 dangl+ f "o e> & 8 tie _h be5 pull$ ar\nd f front to back q neatly4 8,no au?ority60 he bell[$1 ignor+ all ( u4 8,! abs5ce ( a traditional patri>*1 ! c5t] ( ! tribe1 has made !m insecure4 ,only toge!r d !y feel w>m? 9 great sw>m+ hives60 ,8 voice rose %>ply & broke on ! ^w 8hives0 into a squeak4 ,he took ! pr(f]$ br&y & sat d[n1 8 clo!s /ill dis>rang$4 8,my hair10 said ,cl>issa grimly1 8may nev] come out "r aga9 today40 ,%e put ! mirror back into h] purse :i* %e clos$ ) a l\d snap4 8,i don't see1 ,paul1 :y y didn't h ! =esight to call ! police 9 advance & dem& protection40 8,i _h no idea x w\ld be l ?is4 ,believe me1 ,cl>issa1 x's n delib]ate40 ,b f 8 excit$ *uckl+1 ,i c\ld see t he 0 delight$ ) ! confusion4 ,! triumph ( ! publici/'s d>k art4 ,i wond]$ if he might n h _h a h& 9 x3 x 0 a little rem9isc5t ( ! cr[ds ( scream+ wom5 :i* 9 e>li] decades1 goad$ by publici/s1 _h h[l$ &1 z ,/okh>9 w\ld say1 sw>m$ ab\t s+]s & o!r !atrical idols4 ,paul anticipat$ my suspicions4 8,didn't h a ?+ to d ) x1 ,i swe>4 ,doctor1 y\r tie is hang+ d[n y\r back40 8,i don't m9d10 said ,/okh>9 disagreeably1 b he did adju/ 8 glasses4 8,i'd a feel+ we'd h a few p 9 to see u b no idea x w\ld be l ?is40 ,he turn$ to me z ! quiete/1 ! lea/ dang]\s ( ! ?ree4 8,y w\ldn't believe ! response to la/ night's teleca/ if ,i told y40 8,:y don't y tell me80 ,! comic aspects 7 becom+ app>5t3 ,/okh>9's assault$ dignity & ! ru9 ( ,cl>issa's +5i\s hair bo? seem$ to me sudd5ly funny2 ,i cle>$ my ?roat to obscure ! tickl+ ( a smile4 ,paul nam$ "s /up5d\s figures ) an air ( triumph4 8,& !re are m com+ all ! "t4 ,?9k ( t60 8,are !y favorable80 8,favorable8 ,:o c>es80 ,paul 0 pac+ ! floor quickly1 key$ to ! break+-po9t _h he possess$ ! metabolism ( a normal man4 8,we'll h a breakd[n ov] ! week5d4 ,hir$ m p already4 ,:ole lot work+ all ! "t4 ,by ! way1 we're mov+40 8,n a mom5t too soon10 said ,cl>issa balefully4 8,i sugge/1 9 fact1 we move n[ :ile !re are ev5 ^! few police to protect u4 ,:5 !y g home = lun* 7!y all eat enorm\s lun*es1 "o c tell71 t cr[d is go+ to come 9 "h & ?r[ u out ! w9d[40 8,or suffocate u ) love10 said ,paul4 ,/okh>9 look$ at ,cl>issa ?\ghtfully2 ) 8 turn$-ar\nd necktie he _h a sac]dotal look4 8,d y (t5 ?9k ( fall+ f high places8 ( be+ pu%$ f w9d[s or p]haps high trees80 8,only :5 ,i'm on ! top floor ( ! _w's highe/ build+ surr\nd$ by rav+ maniacs d su* =ebod+s occur to me1 doctor4 ,_h y a great] s5se ( reality y might be exp]i5c+ ! same appreh5sion40 ,/okh>9 clapp$ 8 h&s happily4 8,classic1 classic4 ,to believe %e alone kn[s reality4 ,madam1 ,i sugge/ t y44440 ,!re 0 a ro> ( s\nd f ! hallway2 a noise ( glass %att]+2 a revolv] w5t (f ) a %>p report &1 froz5 ) al>m1 ,i wait$ = its e*o3 !re 0 none2 only %\ts (3 ,cave6 ,cave6 ,cave6 ,surr\nd$ by police1 ,cave & ,iris 7 escort$ into ! (fice4 ,m police held ! door1 aid$ by ! (fice crew :o1 sudd5ly inspir$1 7 ?r[+ pap] cups full ( wat] into ! cr[d4 ,fla% bulbs l an electric /orm fl>$ 9 all directions z ! newspap] m5 invad$ ! (fice1 let 9 by ! police :o c\ld n hold !m back4 ,iris look$ fright5$ & ev5 ,cave seem$ al>m$ by ! riot+4 ,once ! police lieut5ant _h got ,cave & ,iris into ! (fice1 he s5t 8 m5 back to hold ! corridor4 ,be=e he jo9$ !m he said /]nly1 brea?+ h>d f ! /ruggle1 8,we're go+ to cle> ! hall 9 ! next h\r4 ,:5 we d we'll come & get y p out ( "h4 ,y got to leave :e!r y want to or n4 ,?is is an em]g5cy40 8,an h\r is all we ne$1 (fic]40 ,paul 0 smoo?4 8,& may ,i tell y t my old fri5d1 ! ,commission]1 is go+ to he> "s extremely nice ?+s ab\t ! effici5cy & good s5se ( 8 m540 ,be=e ! lieut5ant _h got ar\nd to fram+ a suitably w>m answ]1 ,paul _h maneuv]$ him out ( ! inn] (fice2 he lock$ ! door beh9d him4 8,!re10 he said1 turn+ to u1 v bus9esslike4 8,x 0 a mi/ake meet+ "h aft] la/ night4 ,i'm sorry1 ,john40 8,x's n y\r fault40 ,cave1 hav+ f\nd himself an uncom=table /raight *air 9 a corn] ( ! room1 sat v erect1 l a *ild 9 s]i\s att5dance ^u adults4 8,i _h a hun* we %\ld hold ! meet+ out on ,long ,isl&40 ,paul sc[l$4 8,i hate ! idea ( ! press gett+ a look at y4 ,spoils ! my/]y effect2 guess x 0 b\nd to happ51 ?\gh4 ,y won't h to talk to !m40 8,oh1 b ,i w10 said ,cave easily1 %[+ :o 0 ma/] "h1 ?is day4 8,b 444 well1 aft] :at we decid$1 ! initial /rategy be+44440 8,no4 ,x's all *ang$ n[1 ,paul4 ,i'll h to face !m1 at lea/ ?is once4 ,i'll talk to !m ! way ,i always talk4 ,!y'll li/540 ,8 voice grew dreamy4 ,he 0 indiff]5t to ,paul's discomfiture4 8,did y get a new place80 ask$ ,iris1 sudd5ly1 to div]t ! conv]sation4 8,:at8 ,oh yes4 ,a :ole h\se1 five /ories on ,ea/ ,sixty-fir/ ,/reet4 ,%\ld be big en\gh4 ,at lea/ = n[40 ,! int]-(fice communicator s\nd$4 ,paul spoke quickly into x3 8,tell ! newspap] p to wait out !re4 ,we'll h a /atem5t 9 exactly an h\r & !y'll be able 44410 he paus$ & look$ at ,cave = "s reprieve2 !n1 see+ none1 he f9i%$3 8,!y'll be able to int]view ,cave40 ,he flipp$ ! ma*9e (f4 ,?r\gh ! lock$ door1 we he>d a noise ( triumph f ! ga!r$ j\rnali/s & photograph]s4 8,well1 come along10 said ,cl>issa1 8,i ?\ght ?is 0 to be a bo>d ( directors meet+4 ,cave1 de>1 y've got to preside40 ,b1 ?\gh he said he'd r n1 ,cl>issa1 9 a sudd5 /orm ( legality1 insi/$ t he mu/3 %e also malici\sly dem&$ a complete read+ ( ! la/ meet+'s m9utes by ,paul1 ! secret>y4 ,we 7 able to save him by a move to waive ! read+ :i* 0 propos$1 record$ & pass$ by a %[ ( h&s1 only ,cl>issa diss5t+4 ,cave conduct$ ! meet+ solemnly4 ,!n ,cl>issa dem&$ a report f ! treasur] & ?is "t ,paul 0 n let (f4 ,= ! fir/ "t ,i _h a cle> picture ( ! company ( :i* ,i 0 a director4 ,%>es _h be5 sold4 ,control 0 9 ! h&s ( ,cl>issa1 :ile ,paul & sev]al ,we/ ,coa/ indu/riali/s ^: names 7 n famili> to me1 also _h %>es4 ,! ma9 rev5ue ( ! company n[ came f ! sponsor ( ,cave's television %[4 ,!re 0 also a trickle ( contributions :i*1 9 ! la/ few weeks1 _h increas$ consid]ably4 ,!n ,paul read f a li/ ( exp5ses1 8 voice hurry+ a little ov] 8 own sal>y :i* 01 ,i ?\ght1 a bit l>ge4 ,cave's exp5ses 7 record$ &1 ) ,cl>issa goad+ f "t to "t1 ,paul gave an acc\nt+ ( all t _h be5 sp5t s9ce ! arrival 9 ,new ,york4 ,john ,cave 0 a big bus9ess4 8,! books are audit$ at /&>d int]vals10 said ,paul1 look+ at ,cl>issa z he f9i%$1 "s ( 8 good humor return+4 8,we w n decl>e divid5ds unless ,mrs4 ,less+ insi/s ! company become a pr(it-mak+ ent]prise40 8,x might n be a bad idea10 said ,cl>issa ev5ly4 8,:y n get a little return44440 ,b ,paul _h laun*$ into policy4 ,we li/5$ att5tively4 ,f "t to "t1 ,cave made a sugge/ion4 ,iris & ,i made no comm5t4 ,/okh>9 occasionally *ose to illum9ate c]ta9 human problems z !y arose & ,paul1 at lea/1 he>d him out respectfully4 ,cl>issa want$ to "k all ab\t co/s & h] int]ruptions 7 always brief & %rewd4 ,sev]al decisions 7 made at t meet+4 ,x 0 decid$ t a ,c5t] be e/abli%$ & head$ by ,dr4 ,/okh>9 to take c>e ( ^? ,cavites ^: problems might be help$ by !rapy4 8,we j apply classical concepts to _! little tr\bles10 he said4 8,b x %\ldn't seem l a cl9ic10 said ,iris sudd5ly4 8,x's all "p ( ,john1 ( :at ,john says40 8,we'll make t p]fectly cle>10 said ,paul quickly4 ,/okh>9 nodd$ agreeably4 8,aft] all x is 9 8 "n !y come to u4 ,we take x f !re4 ,no m problems 444 all is cont5tm5t40 ,he smack$ 8 lips4 ,x 0 !n decid$ t ,cave w\ld sp5d ! summ] quietly &1 9 ! autumn1 beg9 a t\r ( ! c\ntry to be foll[$ by m teleca/s 9 ! foll[+ w9t]4 8,! summ] is to ?9k a little 910 7 ,cave's words4 ,next1 ,i 0 assign$ ! task ( writ+ a def5se ( ,cave = c]ta9 va/ syndicates2 ,i 0 also reque/$ to compose a set ( dialogues :i* w\ld record ,cave's views on su* problems z m>riage1 ! family1 _w gov]nm5t & v>i\s o!r problems all 9 urg5t ne$ ( answ]+4 ,i sugge/$1 diffid5tly1 t x w\ld be v useful if ,cave 7 to tell me :at he ?\ght ab\t su* ?+s be=e ,i wrote my dialogues4 ,cave said1 q s]i\sly1 t we w\ld h ! summ] 9 :i* to h&le all ^! subjects4 ,paul !n told u ! bad news2 !re 0 a good deal ( x4 8,! ,c>d9al1 9 ! "n ( all ! ,diocesan ,bi%ops1 has decl>$ t any ,ca?olic :o obs]ves ! teleca/s ( ,john ,cave or att5ds 9 p]son 8 blasphem\s lectures commits a grave & mortal s94 ,bi%op ,w9/on came to tell me t n only is he attack+ ,cave 9 ! press b t he is q sure1 if we cont9ue1 ! gov]nm5t w int]v5e4 ,x 0 a h9t1 & n too subtle40 8,on :at gr\nds int]v5e80 ask$ ,cave4 8,:at h ,i done t breaks "o ( _! laws80 8,!y'll trump up some?+10 said ,cl>issa4 8,i'm afraid y're "r4 ,!y c always f9d some?+ to get u on4 ,s f>1 t is ab\t ! wor/ t c happ540 8,b d y ?9k x w80 ,i ask$4 8,free spee* is /ill on ! books40 ,paul *uckl$ grimly4 8,t's j :]e x /ays1 too40 ,& he quot$ ! national cr$o3 ,9 a true democracy !re is no place = a s]i\s diff]5ce ( op9ion on truly great issues4 8,soon] or lat] !y'll try to /op ,cave40 8,b !y c't60 said ,iris4 8,! p won't /& = x40 8,he's ! fa!r ( too _m n[10 said ,/okh>9 sagely4 8,no son w rise to dispute him1 yet40 8,no use to get excit$ 9 advance40 ,paul 0 reasonable4 8,n[ let's get a /atem5t ready = ! press40 ,:ile ,paul & ,cave work$ ov] ! /atem5t1 ! re/ ( u *att$ quietly ab\t o!r problems4 ,/okh>9 0 j ab\t to expla9 ! orig9 ( alcoholism 9 t]ms ( ! new ,cavite pragmatism1 :5 ,iris said3 8,look60 & po9t$ to ! w9d[ :]e1 bobb+ aga9/ ! glass1 0 a bright r$ *ild's balloon on :i* _h be5 crudely pa9t$3 8,jesus ,saves40 ,/okh>9 *uckl$ :5 he saw x4 8,v +5i\s4 ,someone gets on ! floor b5ea? & tries to %ake u ) 8 miracle4 ,n[ we produce ! c\nt]-miracle40 ,he slid ! w9d[ op54 ,! cold air *ill$ u all4 ,he took 8 gl[+ pipe & jabb$ x into ! balloon :i* explod$ l\dly2 !n he %ut ! w9d[ beam+4 8,x w be t easy10 he said4 8,i promise y4 ,a little fire &3 pop6 !y disappe> l bad dreams40 ,,sev5 #a ,! next six mon?s aft] ! directors' meet+ 7 full ( activity1 & dang]4 ,paul 0 =c$ to hire bodygu>ds to protect ,cave f disciples z well z f enemies :ile ! re/ ( u :o 7 n[ kn[n publicly z ,cave's associates 7 oblig$ to protect our privacy ) unli/$ telephone numb]s & num]\s o!r precautions none ( :i* did mu* good = we 7 cont9ually h>ass$ by maniacs & int]view]s4 ,! effect ,cave _h made on ! _w 0 l>g] ?an ev5 ,paul1 our "o optimi/1 _h anticipat$4 ,i believe ev5 ,cave himself 0 />tl$ by ! va/ness & ! v>iety ( ! response4 ,z ,i recall1 seldom did a day pass )\t "s new expos or int]pretation ( ?is ph5om5on4 ,bi%op ,w9/on attack$ aft] ne>ly e teleca/4 ,! ,ca?olic ,*ur* invok$ its entire rep]tory ( ana!mas & soon x 0 :isp]$ 9 dev\t ,*ri/ian circles t ! anti-,*ri/ _h come at la/1 s5t to te/ ! fai?4 ,yet1 despite ! b>rage ( attacks1 ! majority ( ^? :o he>d ,cave became 8 p>tisans & ,paul1 to my regret b to ! delight ( ev]yone else1 e/abli%$ a numb] ( ,cavite ,c5t]s 9 ! major cities ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates1 ea* provid$ ) a tra9$ /aff ( analy/s :o _h also und]gone an int5sive indoctr9ation 9 ,cavesword4 ,/okh>9 head$ ^! cl9ics ) great en]gy4 ,at ,cave's sugge/ion1 "o ev5+ a week1 ! same ev5+1 ,cavites w\ld ga!r to discuss ,cavesword1 to m$itate on ! beauty ( dea?1 l$ 9 _! discussions & m$itations by a disciple ( ,cave :o 01 9 ! op9ion ( ! directors1 equal to ! task ( repres5t+ ,cave himself & 8 ^w be=e va/ congregations4 ,iris 0 plac$ 9 *>ge ( recruit+ & tra9+ ! proselytiz]s1 :ile ,paul h&l$ ! bus9ess end2 obta9+ prop]ty 9 diff]5t cities & manag+ ! l>ge sums ( money :i* p\r$ 9 f all ov] ! _w4 ,except = ,cave's "o enc\nt] ) ! press t day 9 ! ,empire ,/ate ,build+ 7an occasion :i*1 despite its om9\s beg9n+1 became a r>e triumph3 ,cave's magic _h work$ ev5 ) ! ho/ile71 he 0 se5 by no "o except 8 intimates & ! te*nicians ( ! television /udio4 ,ways 7 f\nd to disguise him s t he w\ld n be notic$ 9 ! lobbies or elevators ( ! television network build+4 ,lat] he spoke only f 8 ,long ,isl& retreat1 8 spee*es be+ record$ on film 9 advance4 ,by ! "t summ] _h arriv$1 !re 7 ov] ?ree million regi/]$ ,cavites 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates z well z num]\s1 unorganiz$ believ]s abroad4 ,paul 0 ev]y:]e at once1 fly+ f city to city 7accompani$ by two gu>ds & a secret>y72 he p]sonally broke gr\nd 9 ,dallas = :at 0 to be ! l>ge/ ,cavite ,c5t] 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates & al?\gh ! inaugural c]emonies 7 ne>ly /opp$ by a gr\p ( ,bapti/ ladies c>ry+ bann]s & %\t+ 8,onw>d ,*ri/ian ,soldi]s10 no "o 0 hurt & ! two oil millionaires :o _h f9anc$ ! ,c5t] gave a great b>becue on ! f\ndation site :i* 0 att5d$ by _m di/+ui%$ gue/s4 ,iris 0 entirely *ang$ by h] responsibilities4 ,%e _h become1 9 ! space ( a few mon?s1 brisk1 en]getic1 z deeply involv$ 9 details z a h\sewife ) a new home4 ,i saw v little ( h] t spr+4 ,h] days 7 mo/ly sp5t 9 a r5t$ l(t 9 ! ,*elsea di/rict :]e %e lectur$ ! c&idates = field "w & organiz$ a make%ift sy/em ( indoctr9ation = ^! pot5tial ,resid5ts1 z ! heads ( ! v>i\s c5t]s 7 kn[n4 ,%e 0 extraord9>ily well fitt$ = ?is "w1 to my surprise1 & be=e ! ye> end$ %e _h :at 0 9 fact a k9d ( univ]sity :]e z _m z ?ree hundr$ m5 & wom5 at a "t 7 regul>ly trans=m$ into ,resid5ts & ,deputy ,resid5ts & s on d[n ?r\gh an ev] prolif]at+ hi]>*y4 ,= ! mo/ "p1 ! fir/ m5 & wom5 we s5t out to ! c\ntry 7 highly educat$1 ?\ghtful p1 entirely devot$ to ,cavesword4 ,!y 71 ,i ?9k1 ! be/ ( all1 = lat]1 :5 x became lucrative to be a ,resid5t1 ! "w 0 l>gely tak5 ov] by en]getic c>e]i/s ^: v activity & compet5ce dim9i%$ _! moral effectiv5ess4 ,iris us$ me unm]cifully ^? fir/ mon?s4 ,i lectur$ h] /ud5ts2 ,i taught philosophy until1 9 exasp]ation at ! absurdity ( t1 ,i told h] to hire a pr(essional tea*] ( philosophy :i* %e did4 ,yet ,i enjoy$ ^! m5 & wom54 ,_! s9c]ity1 _! excitem5t communicat$ itself to me & ,i became aw>e ( some?+ ,i _h only kn[n be=e f read+1 f he>say3 ! religi\s s5se :i* ,i s cle>ly lack$1 z did bo? ,paul & ,/okh>94 ,i don't ?9k ,cave really possess$ x ei!r because1 al?\gh he believ$ entirely 9 himself & 9 ! miracul\s tru? ( 8 ^w1 he did n possess t curi\s p[] to id5tify himself ) creation1 to transc5d ! self 9 contemplation ( an ab/raction1 to sacrifice ! p]sonality to a my/ical au?ority2 none ( u1 save ,iris 9 love1 possess$ ?is p[] :i*1 z ne>ly z ,i c get at x1 is ! religi\s s5se 9 man4 ,i le>n$ ab\t x only f ^? :o came to le>n f u 9 t ,*elsea l(t4 ,9 a s5se1 ,i piti$ !m = ,i knew t mu* ( :at !y evid5tly believ$ ) su* passion 0 wrong b1 at ! same "t1 ,i 0 invigorat$ by _! en?usiasm1 by ! hung] ) :i* !y dev\r$ ,cavesword1 by ! dignity :i* _! passion l5t an ent]prise t 9 ,paul's busy h&s resembl$ m (t5 ?an n1 a cynical comm]cial v5ture4 ,& ,i recogniz$ 9 !m 7oh1 v e>ly1 p]haps 9 ! fir/ weeks ( talk+ to !m7 t1 9 _! goodness & _! love !y w\ld1 ) ,cavesword1 smudge z x turn$ ea* bright new page ( life2 yet1 suspect+ ?is1 ,i did n object nor did ,i )draw4 ,in/ead1 fasc9at$1 ,i 0 borne by ! tide to ! %ore ahead ^: e rock ,i c\ld imag9e1 %>p ) disa/]4 ,once a week ! directors met on ,long ,isl& 9 ! wall$ e/ate :]e ,cave n[ liv$ ) 8 gu>ds 78 ho/ _h ?\ghtfully mov$ else:]e until ,cave *ose = him to return74 ,! meet+s soon demon/rat$ a division 9 our ranks betwe5 ,paul & ,/okh>9 on ! "o side & ,iris1 ,cl>issa & ,cave on ! o!r ) myself z p>tisan1 m (t5 ?an n1 to ,cave4 ,! division 0 amiable b significant4 ,paul & ,/okh>9 want$ to place ! ,c5t]s directly "u ! sup]vision ( ! analy/s :ile ! re/ ( u1 l$ by ,iris 7,cave seldom int]v5$1 b we _h accept$ already ! fact t ,iris spoke = him71 pref]r$ t ! ,c5t]s be gov]n$ by ! ,resid5ts4 8,x is c]ta9ly true t ! !rapi/s are an important "p ( ea* ,c5t]10 said ,iris briskly1 at ! end ( a long wrangle ) ,/okh>94 8,b ^! are ,cavite ,c5t]s & n cl9ics = ! advancem5t ( po/-,jungian analysis4 ,x is ,cavesword :i* draws p to ! ,c5t]s1 n m5tal illness4 ,^? :o h problems are ( c\rse help$ by ,/okh>9's p b1 f9ally1 x is ,cave :o has made x possible = !m to face dea?4 ,some?+ no "o has done be=e40 ,& ?us ! po9t 0 won 9 our c\ncil ?\gh ,/okh>9 & ,paul 7 /ill able at times1 slyly1 to ins9uate _! own creatures into important ,resid5cies4 ,my own "w w5t on fitfully4 ,i compos$ an answ] to ,bi%op ,w9/on :i* br\ght d[n on my head a s]ies ( ecclesia/ical ?und]bolts1 ea* l\d] ?an ! "o be=e4 ,i wrote a %ort life ( ,cave 9 simple decl>ative s5t5ces :i* enjoy$ a consid]able success = _m ye>s &1 f9ally1 s]i\sly1 my fir/ attempt at a real c\nt]attack1 ,i began ! sev]al dialogues 9 :i* ,cave & ,i purport$ly trav]s$ ! entire field ( moral action4 ,i felt t 9 ^! dialogues ,i c\ld quietly combat ^? absoluti/ t5d5cies :i* ,i detect$ 9 ! disciples4 ,cave himself made no pret5se ( be+ f9al on any subject o!r ?an dea? :]e1 ev5 )\t 8 p>ticul> p]suasiv5ess1 he /ood on firm1 ev5 traditional gr\nd4 ,! attacks he receiv$ he no long] notic$4 ,x 0 z simple z t4 ,he'd nev] enjoy$ read+ & to wat* o!rs make teleca/s bor$ him1 ev5 :5 !y spoke ( him4 ,aft] ! fateful ,empire ,/ate ,build+ conf]5ce he ceas$ to att5d ! _w2 except = a few lett]s :i* ,paul =w>d$ to him & 8 relations ) u1 he 0 completely cut (f f ord9>y life1 & p]fectly happy4 ,= ?\gh human contacts _h be5 r$uc$ to a m9imum1 he /ill possess$ ! poli%$ glass eye ( ! _w be=e ^: level gaze he appe>$ once a week & exp]i5c$ :at he call$3 8,ev]yone3 all ( !m1 li/5+ & wat*+ ev]y:]e40 ,9 "o ye> he _h come a long way f ! ex-embalm] :o _h /udi$ a book ( newspap] clipp+s on a ,wa%+ton f>m & brood$ ab\t an old man 9 a hospital4 ,?\gh ,paul 0 nev] to ref] aga9 to ! victim ( ,cave's driv+1 ,i 0 q sure t he expect$1 soon] or lat]1 x w\ld return to haunt u all4 ,by midsumm]1 h[ev]1 ,cave _h gr[n re/less & bor$ & s9ce ! teleca/s _h be5 discont9u$ until ! foll[+ ,novemb]1 he 0 eag] to travel4 ,he 0 nev] to lose 8 passion = places4 ,x 0 f9ally decid$ t he sp5d ! summ] on "o ( ! ,florida keys1 a t9y isl& own$ by a ,cavite :o (f]$ to place ev]y?+ at ,cave's disposal4 ,&1 ?\gh w>n$ t ! heat might be uncom=table1 ,cave & 8 ret9ue left secretly "o night by *>t]$ seaplane f ,long ,isl& ,s\nd & = at lea/ a mon? ! press did n "k :at _h happ5$ to him4 ,i decl9$ to accompany ,cave & ,iris4 ,paul rema9$ 9 ,new ,york :ile ,iris's "w 0 tempor>ily turn$ ov] to v>i\s "y en?usia/s1 tra9$ by h]4 ,i w5t back to ! ,hudson ,valley1 to my h\se &4444 #b ,i've n be5 able to write = sev]al days4 ,accord+ to ! doctor1 x is a t\* ( heat b ,i suspect t ?is is only 8 k9d euphemism4 ,i _h brok5 (f 9 my n>rative to take a walk 9 ! g>d5 la/ ,friday aft]noon :5 ,i 0 jo9$ by ,butl] ^: att5tions lately h be5 m num]\s ?an ,i %\ld l4 8,he'll be "h ,sunday1 ,hudson4 ,:y don't we all ?ree h d9n] toge!r t night & celebrate40 ,i said no?+ c\ld give me m pleasure1 z ,i in*$ along ! g>d5 pa?1 mov+ t[>d ! hot %ad$ c5t] :]e1 b5ea? fruit trees1 a f9e /atue ( ,osiris /ood1 loot$ 9 e>li] days by ! hotel managem5t f "o ( ! temples4 ,i ?\ght1 h[ev]1 ) m long+ ( ! b5* beside ! /atue ?an ( ! figure itself ^: e s]5e detail ,i'd long s9ce memoriz$4 ,butl] adju/$ 8 loose long /ride to my own unev5 pace4 ,i walk$ z ,i always d n[ ) my eyes ^u ! gr\nd1 n]v\sly avoid+ any?+ :i* might make me /umble = ,i h fall5 d[n a numb] ( times 9 ! la/ few ye>s & ,i h a t]ror ( brok5 bones1 ! p>ticul> sc\rge ( old bodies4 ,i 0 z glad z n t ,i didn't h to wat* my companion :ile we *att$1 = 8 r$ hone/ face1 =ev] dripp+ sweat1 annoy$ me m ?an 0 reasonable4 8,& he'll be pleas$ to "k ,i've got u a ,c5t]4 ,n mu* ( "o b good en\gh = a />t40 ,i paus$ be=e a =midable rock :i* lay directly 9 my pa?4 ,x w\ld take "s do+ to /ep ov] x1 ,i ?\ght1 z ,i rem>k$1 8,i'm sure ! ,pa%a doesn't "k ab\t ?is40 8,n really40 ,butl] laugh$ happily4 8,he ?9ks we're j tak+ a h\se = ourselves to /udy ! local culture4 ,lat]1 aft] we get go+1 he c f9d out40 8,i %\ld be v c>eful10 ,i said &1 v c>eful myself1 ,i /epp$ ov] ! rock3 my legs dete/$ ! extra ex]tion2 "o ne>ly buckl$ z x t\*$ ! gr\nd4 ,i ?rew my weight on my cane & 0 sav$ a fall4 ,butl] _h n notic$4 8,jessup is go+ to br+ 9 ! lit]ature4 ,we'll say x's our libr>y4 ,all pr9t$ 9 ,arabic1 too4 ,! ,dallas ,c5t] ?9ks ( ev]y?+40 8,are !y 444 equipp$ = su* ?+s80 8,oh yes4 ,t's :]e ! ma9 univ]sity is n[4 ,bigge/ "o 9 ! _w4 ,i didn't g !re myself4 ,m>ks w]5't good en\gh1 b ,jessup did4 ,he'll tell y all ab\t x4 ,q a crew !y turn out3 be/ 9 ! bus9ess b !n !y get ! cream ( ! crop to beg9 )40 8,tell me1 are ! ,resid5ts /ill 9 *>ge ( ! ,c5t]s or d !y %>e ! adm9i/ration ) ! !rapi/s80 8,!rapi/s80 ,butl] seem$ bewild]$4 8,9 ! old days !re us$ to be ! ,resid5t & 8 /aff & !n a cl9ic atta*$ :]e44440 8,y really are beh9d ! times40 ,butl] look$ at me z ?\gh ,i'd betray$ a fir/h& k ( e>?'s creation4 8,all ,resid5ts & _! /affs1 includ+ ! ,communicators l myself1 get ! same tra9+2 "p ( x is 9 m5tal !rapy4 ,o!rs :o %[ p>ticul> aptitude = x are assign$ cl9ical "w j z ,i d communication "w 9 =eign c\ntries4 ,p :o get to be ,resid5ts are usually tea*]s & adm9i/rators4 ,sometimes a ,communicator gets a ,resid5cy 9 8 old age z a rew>d = ! highe/ s]vices40 ,he !n expla9$ to me ! (ficial1 some:at ,byzant9e /ructure ( ! ,cavites4 ,!re 7 _m new tides1 indicat+ a swoll5 organization "u ! direction ( a ,c\nsel ( ,resid5ts :i*1 9 turn1 0 responsible = ! election f among _! numb] ( a unique ,*ief ,resid5t ^: reign la/$ = ! rema9d] ( 8 lifetime4 ,) relief1 ,i sat d[n on ! b5* beside ,osiris4 ,butl] jo9$ me4 8,dallas ( c\rse is ! ma9 ,resid5cy10 he said4 8,x us$ to be 9 ,new ,york1 ye>s ago10 ,i said1 ?9k+ ( ! br[n/one h\se1 ( ! l(t on ,tw5ty-?ird ,/reet4 8,ar\nd tw5ty ye>s ago x 0 mov$ to ,dallas by ! ,*ief ,resid5t4 ,n only did !y h ! be/-equipp$ ,c5t] !re b ! ,texans make j ab\t ! be/ ,cavites 9 ! c\ntry4 ,:at !y won't d = ,cavesword isn't wor? m5tion+4 ,!y burn$ ! old *ur*es1 y "k 444 e "o 9 ! /ate40 8,& "o or two ,bapti/ ,m9i/]s z well80 8,y c't break eggs )\t mak+ an omelet10 said ,butl] s5t5ti\sly4 8,i see :at y mean4 ,/ill1 ,cave 0 aga9/ p]secution4 ,he always felt x 0 en\gh = p to he> ,cavesword44440 8,y got a lot ( read+ to d10 said ,butl] %>ply4 8,looks l y've =gott5 y\r text3 ',&1 if !y p]si/ 9 sup]/ition1 /rike !m1 = "o idolator is l a spoil$ apple 9 ! b>rel1 contam9at+ ! o!rs4'0 ,butl]'s voice1 z he quot$1 0 r\nd & boom+1 ri* 9 v[el-s\nds :ile 8 protrud+ eyes gaz$ )\t bl9k+ into ! invisible radiance ( tru? :i* hov]$1 app>5tly1 above a diseas$ hibiscus bu%4 8,i've =gott5 t p>ticul> quotation10 ,i said4 8,seems funny y %\ld s9ce x's j ab\t ! mo/ fam\s ( ! texts40 ,b1 ?\gh my ignorance cont9u$ to />tle ,butl]1 ,i c\ld see t he 0 beg9n+ to attribute x to s5ility r ?an to laxity or pot5tial idolatry4 8,i 0 a close foll[] 9 ! fir/ few ye>s10 ,i said1 curry+ favor4 8,b ,i've be5 out ( t\* s9ce & ,i suppose t1 aft] ,cave's dea?1 !re 0 a :ole mass ( new doctr9e ) :i* ,i am unfamili>1 to my regret40 8,doctr9e60 ,butl] 0 %ock$4 8,we h no doctr9e4 ,we are n "o ( ^? hea!n *ur*es ) claims to 'div9e' guidance4 ,we're simply li/5]s to ,cavesword4 ,t's all4 ,he 0 ! fir/ to tell ! pla9 tru? &1 naturally1 we honor him b !re is no doctr9e ev5 ?\gh he guides u ! way a good fa!r does 8 *ildr540 8,i am v old10 ,i said 9 my be/ dy+-fall voice4 8,y mu/ rememb] t :5 y are ) me y are 9 ! company ( a man :o 0 br\ght up 9 ! old ways1 :o uses ,*ri/ian t]ms f "t to "t4 ,i 0 ?irty :5 ,cave began 8 mission4 ,i am1 z a matt] ( fact1 ne>ly ! same age z ,cave himself if he 7 /ill alive40 ,?is _h its calculat$ effect4 ,butl] look$ at me ) "s awe4 8,golly60 he said4 8,x doesn't really seem possible1 does x8 ,( c\rse !re're /ill a few p ar\nd :o 7 alive 9 ^? days b ,i don't "k ( anybody :o actually saw ,cave4 ,y did tell me y saw him80 8,once only40 8,0 he l ! teleca/s80 8,oh yes4 ,ev5 m effective1 ,i ?9k40 8,he 0 big ( c\rse1 six feet "o in* tall40 8,no1 he 0 only ab\t five feet eight in*es1 a little %ort] ?an ,i44440 8,y mu/ be mi/ak5 because1 accord+ to all ! texts1 he 0 six feet "o40 8,i saw him at a di/ance ( c\rse4 ,i 0 only guess+40 ,i 0 amus$ t !y %\ld h se5 fit to *ange ev5 ,cave's /ature4 8,y c tell he 0 a tall man f ! teleca/s40 8,d !y /ill %[ !m80 8,/ill %[ !m6 ,!y're ! ma9 "p ( our weekly ,get-toge!rs4 ,ea* ,resid5cy has a complete libr>y ( ,cave's teleca/s1 "o hundr$ eight includ+ ! la/4 ,ea* week1 a diff]5t "o is %[n by ! ,resid5t's /aff & ! ,resid5t himself1 or someone assign$ by him1 discusses ! message40 8,& !y /ill hold up aft] fifty ye>s80 8,hold up8 ,we le>n m f !m ea* ye>4 ,y %\ld see all ! books & lectures on ,cavesword 444 sev]al hundr$ important ones :i* we h to read z "p ( our communication duties1 ?\gh !y're n = ! laym54 ,we disc\rage nonpr(essionals f go+ into su* problems1 mu* too complicat$ = ! untra9$ m9d40 8,i %\ld ?9k s4 ,tell me1 is !re any m tr\ble ) ! idolators80 ,butl] %ook 8 head4 8,j ab\t none4 ,!y 7 lick$ :5 ! p>o*ial s*ools 7 %ut d[n4 ,t took c>e ( ,ca?olicism4 ,( c\rse !re 7 "s bad times4 ,i guess y "k all ab\t !m40 ,i nodd$4 ,ev5 9 ,egypt ,i _h he>d ( massacres & p]secutions4 ,i c\ld /ill recall ! morn+ :5 ,i op5$ ! ,cairo pap] & saw a l>ge photograph ( ,/ ,pet]'s ,ca!dral smold]+ 9 its ru9s1 a fitt+ tomb = ! la/ ,pope & m>tyr :o _h p]i%$ !re :5 a mob ( ,cavites _h fir$ ! ,vatican4 ,! ,cairo pap] took an obvi\s delight 9 ^! b>b>ities & ,i _h n ! he>t to read ( ! wanton de/ruction ( ,mi*elangelo's & ,b]n9i's works1 ! loot+ ( ! art gall]ies1 ! bonfire :i* 0 made 9 ! ,papal g>d5s ( ! entire ,vatican libr>y4 ,lat]1 ^w came ( a c]ta9 assi/ant-,resid5t ( ,topeka :o1 ) a gr\p ( demolition exp]ts & ,cavite en?usia/s1 rang$ across ,france & ,italy de/roy+ ! ca!drals ) ! approval ( ! local gov]nm5ts1 & to ! *e]s ( ,cavite cr[ds :o ga!r$ 9 great numb]s to wat*1 delight$ly1 ! crumbl+ ( ^! la/ monum5ts to sup]/ition4 ,=tunately1 ! t\ri/ bureaus 7 able to save a few ( ! less] *ur*es4 8,! edict ( ,wa%+ton :i* outlaw$ idolatr\s s*ools did ! trick4 ,! ,atlantic gov]nm5t has always believ$ 9 tol]ation3 ev5 to ?is day x is possible = a man to be a ,*ri/ian1 ?\gh unlikely s9ce ! tru? is s well kn[n40 8,b he has no *ur*es left & no cl]gy40 8,true1 & if t disc\rages him he's n likely to rema9 too long 9 error4 ,z ,i've told y1 ?\gh1 we h our ways ( mak+ p see ! tru?40 8,! calculable p]c5tage40 8,exactly40 ,i look$ at ,osiris 9 ! gre5 %ade4 ,8 diorite face smil$ secretly back at me4 8,did y h mu* tr\ble 9 ! ,lat9 c\ntries80 8,less ?an y might ?9k4 ,! ignorant 7 ! big problem because1 s9ce !y didn't "k ,engli%1 we w]5't able to use ! teleca/s4 ,=tunately1 we _h "s able ,resid5ts & aft] a little %[man%ip1 a few miracles 7or :at !y took to be miracles7 !y came ar\nd1 especially :5 _m ( _! ex-prie/s told !m ab\t ,cavesword4 ,ne>ly all ( ! old] ,resid5ts 9 ! ,m$it]ranean c\ntries 7 once ,ca?olic prie/s40 8,r5egades80 8,!y saw ! tru?2 n )\t "s indoctr9ation1 ,i suspect4 ,we've _h to adapt a good _m ( our proc$ural me?ods to fit local cu/oms4 ,! old ,*ri/mas has become ,cavesday & :at 0 ,ea/] is n[ ,irisday40 8,iris ,mortim]80 8,( c\rse2 :o else8 ,& !n c]ta9 fe/ivals :i*44440 8,i suppose %e's dead n[40 8,:y1 yes4 ,%e di$ six ye>s ago4 ,%e 0 ! la/ ( ! orig9al five40 8,ah1 yes1 ! five3 ,paul ,himmell1 ,iris ,mortim]1 ,ivan ,/okh>91 ,cl>issa ,less+ &44440 8,& ,edw>d ,ha/+s4 ,we /ill use 8 introduction ev5 ?\gh x's be5 l>gely obsolet$ by lat] te/s4 ,8 dialogues w ( c\rse be ! basis = t f9al book ( ,cave :i* our be/ s*ol>s h be5 at "w on = ov] tw5ty ye>s40 ,ha/+s1 ( all p6 ,i ne>ly laugh$ al\d4 ,poor feckless ,ha/+s 0 n[ ! au?or ( my dialogues ) ,cave3 ,i m>vel$ at ! ease ) :i* ! innum]able ref]5ces to myself _h be5 delet$4 ,i began to d\bt ( my own exi/5ce4 ,i ask$ if ,ha/+s 7 /ill alive & 0 told t he too 0 long dead4 ,i !n ask$ aga9 ab\t ,iris4 8,"s v excit+ ?+s h come to light10 said ,butl]4 8,c]ta9 hi/orians at ! ,dallas ,c5t] feel t !re is "s pro( t %e 0 ,cave's si/]40 ,i 0 />tl$ by ?is4 8,h[ c\ld t be8 ,wasn't %e f ,detroit8 & wasn't he f ,seattle8 & didn't !y meet = ! fir/ "t 9 s\!rn ,cali=nia at ! beg9n+ ( 8 mission80 8,i see y "k m ,cavite hi/ory ?an y pret5d10 said ,butl] amiably4 8,t ( c\rse has be5 ! traditional po9t ( view4 ,yet z h] influ5ce increas$ 9 ! _w 79 ,italy1 y "k1 "o sees h] picture ne>ly z (t5 z ,cave's7 our hi/orians became suspici\s4 ,x 0 all p]fectly simple1 really3 if %e c\ld ex]t ne>ly ! same p[] z ,cave himself !n %e mu/1 9 "s way1 be relat$ to him4 ,i suppose y "k ab\t ! ,miami bus9ess4 ,no8 ,well1 _! ,resid5t1 "s ye>s ago1 op5ly promulgat$ ! !ory t ,cave & ,iris ,mortim] 7 man & wife4 ,a great _m p believ$ him & ?\gh ! ,*ief ,resid5t at ,dallas issu$ a /atem5t d5y+ ! tru? ( all ?is1 ,miami cont9u$ 9 error & x took our indoctr9ation team sev]al ye>s to get ! situation back to normal4 ,b ! :ole bus9ess did get ev]yone to ?9k+ &1 ) ! concurr5ce ( ,dallas himself1 inve/igations h be5 made4 ,i don't "k _m ( ! details b my colleague probably w4 ,he keeps track ( t k9d ( ?+40 8,if %e is prov5 to be ,cave's si/] w %e h equal rank ) him80 8,c]ta9ly n4 ,cavesword is ev]y?+2 b %e w be equal to him on ! human level ?\gh 8 inf]ior 9 tru?3 at lea/ t appe>s to be ! ,dallas int]pretation40 8,%e 0 v active1 ,i suppose80 8,"r until ! end4 ,%e travel$ all ov] ! _w ) ,cavesword &1 :5 %e grew too old to travel1 %e took ov] ! ,resid5cy ( ,new ,york ,city :i* %e held until %e di$4 ,z a matt] ( fact1 ,i h a picture ( h] :i* ,i always c>ry4 ,x 0 tak5 9 ! la/ ye>s40 ,he pull$ out a /eel-me% wallet 9 :i*1 protect$ by cellophane1 0 a photograph ( ,iris3 ! fir/ ,i _h se5 9 _m _m ye>s4 ,my h& %ook z ,i held ! picture up to ! light4 ,= a split second ,i felt h] pres5ce1 saw 9 ! sadd5$ face1 fram$ by :ite hair1 my summ] love :i* _h nev] be5 except 9 my own dream+ :]e ,i 0 :ole & lov$ ?is creature ^: lum9\s eyes _h n alt]$ ) age1 _! expression ! same z t night beside ! we/]n sea 444 b !n my f+]s froze2 ! wallet fell to ! gr\nd2 ,i fa9t$ into :at ,i suppos$ ) my la/ ve/iges ( consci\sness to be dea?1 to be no?+4 #c ,i awak5$ 9 my own b$ ) my old fri5d ,doctor ,husse9 beside me4 ,he look$ mu* conc]n$ :ile1 at ! foot ( ! b$1 /ood ,butl]1 v solemn & /ill4 ,i resolv$ n to die ) him 9 ! room4 8,my apologies1 ,mr ,butl]10 ,i said1 surpris$ t ,i c\ld speak at all4 8,i'm afraid ,i dropp$ y\r picture40 ,i _h no difficulty 9 rememb]+ :at _h happ5$4 ,x 0 z if ,i _h sudd5ly %ut my eyes & op5$ !m aga91 sev]al h\rs hav+ pass$ in/ead ( z _m seconds4 ,"t1 ,i decid$1 0 all nons5se4 8,?9k no?+ ( x2 ,i'm only44440 8,y mu/ n /ra9 y\rself1 ,mr4 ,hudson10 said ! doctor3 a t\* ( sun1 a few days 9 b$1 pl5ty ( liquids1 a pill or two1 & ,i 0 left alone ) a buzz] beside my b$ :i* w\ld summon ! h\seboy if ,i %\ld h a coh]5t mom5t be=e tak+ a la/ turn = ! worse4 ,! next "t1 ,i ?9k1 w be ! f9al "o & ?\gh ,i dete/ ! ?\ght1 ^! little rehe>sals ov] ! la/ few ye>s1 ! brief /rokes1 ! sudd5 flood+ ( p>ts ( ! bra9 ) ! blood ( capill>ies 9 prep>ation = t la/ art]ial deluge1 h got me us$ to ! idea4 ,my only compla9t is t odd ?+s are done to my memory by ^! /rokes :i*1 light z !y h be51 t5d to alt] p>ts ( ! bra91 ^? p>ts :i* hold ! secrets ( ! pa/4 ,i h f\nd ?is week1 :ile convalesc+ f ,tuesday's collapse1 t mo/ ( my *ildhood has be5 wa%$ clean out ( my memory4 ,i knew ( c\rse t ,i 0 born on ! banks ( ! ,hudson b ,i _c = ! life ( me recall :at s*ools ,i att5d$2 yet my memories f my college days on seem unimpair$ ?\gh ,i h _h to r]ead ?is memoir att5tively to resume my tra9 ( ?\ght1 to refre% a dy+ memory4 ,x is /range inde$ to h lo/ "s tw5ty ye>s z ?\gh !y'd nev] be5 &1 worse /ill1 to be unable to f9d out ab\t oneself 9 any case1 s9ce ! w ( o!rs has effectively aboli%$ "o4 ,i d n exi/ to ! _w & v soon 7h[ soon ,i wond]871 ,i %all n exi/ ev5 to myself1 only ?is record a fragile pro( t ,i once liv$4 ,n[ ,i am able to "w aga94 ,butl] pays me a daily visit1 z does ! doctor4 ,bo? are v k9d b bo? t5d to treat me z a ?+ :i* no long] matt]s4 ,i h be5 writt5-(f 9 _! m9ds3 ,i'm no long] really human s9ce soon1 p]haps 9 a few days1 ,i %all n be "o ( !m b "o ( ! dead ^: du/ motes ! air !y brea!4 ,well1 let x come4 ,! frat]nity ( ! dead1 ?\gh no?+1 is ! l>g] k+dom4 ,i'm able to sit up 9 b$ 7actually ,i c get ar\nd z well or z badly z be=e b x tires me too mu* to walk s ,i rema9 ab$74 ,sunday is "h at la/ & f ! excit$ bu/le 9 ! air :i* ,i feel r ?an he>1 ,butl]'s colleague mu/ h arriv$4 ,i am n ready = him yet & ,i h hung a 8,d ,n ,di/urb0 sign on ! door1 compos$ emphatically 9 f\r languages4 ,x %\ld keep !m out = a few days4 ,i h a premonition ( disa/] :i*1 ?\gh x is no d\bt p]fectly natural at my age ) ! la/ cata/rophe almo/ ^u me1 seems to be ( a p5ultimate nature1 a f9al human crisis4 ,all t ,i h he>d f ,butl] ab\t ?is "y man1 ?is colleague ( 81 disposes me to fe> him4 ,= al?\gh my exi/5ce has be5 kept a secret f ! new] g5]ations1 ! o!rs1 ! old] ones1 ! *ief c\nselors are well aw>e ( me & ?\gh ,i h s f> evad$ _! ag5ts & ?\gh !y und\bt$ly assume t ,i am long s9ce dead x is /ill possible t a %rewd "y man ) a c>e] 9 ! mak+ might gr[ suspici\s & "o ^w to ! old] memb]s ( ! hi]>*y w\ld be en\gh to />t an inquisition :i* c\ld end 9 assass9ation 7ironic t ,i %\ld fe> t at ?is po9t67 or1 m t]rible1 9 a c\rse ( indoctr9ation :]e my apo/asy w\ld be r$uc$ by drugs to con=mity4 ,x w\ld be ! mo/ spl5did triumph = ,cave if1 9 my la/ days1 ,i %\ld recant3 ! be/ victory ( all1 ! surr5d] ( ! orig9al lu!ri/ ^u 8 dea?b$4 ,yet ,i h a trick or two up my sleeve & ! game's n yet ov]4 ,%\ld ! new arrival prove to be ! "o ,i h s long await$1 ,i %all "k h[ to act3 ,i h plann$ = ?is day4 ,my adv]s>y w f9d me arm$4 ,b n[ old days draw me back2 ! crisis approa*es 9 my n>rative4 #d ,! fir/ summ] 0 my la/ on ! ,hudson1 at peace4 ,iris wrote me regul>ly f ! ,florida keys3 %ort1 brisk lett]s completely imp]sonal & devot$ l>gely to :at 8he0 0 do+ & say+4 ,x seems t 8he0 0 en*ant$ by ! /rang5ess ( ! keys1 yet 0 anxi\s to beg9 travel+ aga94 ,) "s difficulty1 ,i ga!r$ betwe5 ! l9es1 ,iris _h re/ra9$ him f />t+ out on a _w t\r3 8,he says he wants to see ,saigon & ,sam>k& & s =? soon because he likes ! names4 ,i don't see h[ he c get away yet1 ?\gh maybe 9 ! fall aft] 8 t\r4 ,!y say n[ he c make 8 talks on film all at once :i* w mean ( c\rse he won't h to g ?r\gh any?+ l la/ w9t] aga940 ,!re foll[$ m news1 an inquiry into my heal? 79 ^? days ,i 0 confid5t ,i %\ld die e>ly ( a liv] ailm5t3 my liv] ( c\rse n[ seems ! "o firm organ 9 my body2 9 any case1 ,i enjoy$ my hypo*ondria7 & a ref]5ce to ! v>i\s ?+s ,i 0 writ+ = ! in/ruction ( conv]ts & detractors bo?4 ,i pu%$ ! lett] away & look$ out across ! riv]4 ,i 0 alone1 await+ ,cl>issa = tea4 ,i _h actually prep>$ tea s9ce %e nev] drank alcohol & ,i myself 0 a light dr9k] at be/ 444 a non-dr9k] t summ] :5 my liv] re/$ 7s p[]ful is imag9ation7 l a braz5 cannonball aga9/ ! cage ( bones4 ,i sat on my por* :i* ov]look$ ! lawn & ! wat]2 unlike ! o!r h\ses on t riv]1 m9e _h ! railroad beh9d x in/ead ( 9 front ( x1 an agreeable /ate ( affairs2 ,i don't m9d ! s\nd ( tra9s ?\gh ! sight ( !m on _! squalid tracks depresses me4 ,beside me1 among ! c>eful tray ( tea ?+s1 ! manuscript ( my dialogue lay neglect$4 ,i _h n yet made up my m9d :e!r to read x to ,cl>issa or n4 ,su* ?+s t5d$ to bore h]2 yet1 if %e c\ld be entic$ into att5tion1 h] op9ion w\ld be useful3 su* a long memory ( old cu/oms w\ld be invaluable to me z ,i compos$1 ) dilig5ce r ?an inspiration1 an e?ical sy/em ^: s+le virtue 0 t x t5d$ to satisfy ! ne$s ( human be+s z mu* z 0 possible )\t invit+ *aos4 ,i _h1 t morn+ ov] c(fee1 aboli%$ m>riage4 ,dur+ lun*1 s]v$ me by my g5teel b impov]i%$ h\sekeep] 7al?\gh s]vants /ill exi/$ 9 ^? days 9 a few great h\ses1 p l myself 7 oblig$ to engage ! casual s]vices ( ! haughty poor71 ,i decid$ to leave m>riage ! way x 0 b make divorce mu* simpl]4 ,aft] lun*1 suff]+ f a dige/ive-inspir$ heada*e1 ,i n only aboli%$ m>riage aga9 b resolutely h&$ ! *ildr5 ov] to ! imp]sonal m]cies ( ! /ate4 ,n[1 bemus$1 relax$1 my eyes ^u ! pale blue ,catskills & ! summ] gre51 ! noise ( motorboats l great wat]bugs 9 my e>s1 ,i brood$ ^u ! implications ( :at ,i 0 do+ &1 ?\gh ,i 0 secretly amus$ at my own confid5ce1 ,i realiz$1 too1 t :at ,i felt & did & wrote1 ?\gh d\btless unor?odox to _m1 01 f9ally1 n really ! "w ( my own inspiration b a logical result ( all t 0 9 ! _w3 a /atem5t ( ! dreams ( o!rs :i* ,i c\ld =mulate only because ,i %>$ !m4 ,cave reg>d$ 8 own words z revelation :51 actually1 !y only e*o$ ! collective m9d1 a plausible articulation ( :at mo/ m5 felt ev5 ?\gh _! consci\s m9ds 7 antipa!tic1 corset$ & con/rict$ by /]eotyp$ ways ( ?9k+1 ! opposite ( :at !y truly believ$4 ,yet at ?is /ep ,i1 = "o1 hesitat$4 ,!re 0 no d\bt b t ! *ildr5 & ! society w\ld be ! bett] = su* an arrangem5t 444 & !re 0 little d\bt t our civilization 0 mov+ t[>d su* a resolution4 ,b !re 7 p>5ts :o w\ld want to reta9 _! *ildr5 & *ildr5 :o might be bett] c>$ = by _! prog5itors ?an by ev5 ! be/-int5tion$ function>ies ( ! /ate4 ,w\ld ! /ate all[ p>5ts to keep _! *ildr5 if !y want$ !m8 ,if n1 x 0 tyrann\s2 if s1 difficult 9 ! extreme1 = h[ c\ld ev5 ! mo/ enlight5$ bo>d ( analy/s det]m9e :o %\ld be all[$ _! *ildr5 & :o n8 ,! answ]1 ( c\rse1 0 9 ! retra9+ ( future g5]ations4 ,let !m gr[ up accept+ z inevitable & "r ! surr5d] ( babies to ! /ate4 ,o!r cultures _h done x & ours c\ld too4 ,b ,i 0 able1 vividly1 to imag9e ! num]\s cruelties :i* w\ld be p]petrat$ 9 ! "n ( ! :ole1 :ile ! opportunity = tyranny 9 a civilization :]e all *ildr5 7 at ! disposal ( a gov]nm5t br\ght %>ply to m9d ! image ( ! an?ill society :i* has haunt$ ! imag9ation ( ! ?\ghtful = at lea/ a c5tury4 ,i _h got myself into a mo/ gloomy /ate by ! "t ,cl>issa arriv$1 trail+ across ! lawn 9 an exotic ankle-l5g? g[n ( gray :i* float$ 9 y>ds beh9d h]1 l ! diaphan\s flags ( "s =gott5 army4 8,y\r lawn is full ( moles60 %e %\t$ to me1 paus+ 9 h] progress & sc[l+ at a pat* ( turf4 8,& x ne$s cutt+ & m clov]4 ,always m clov]1 rememb] t40 ,%e turn$ h] back on me to />e at ! riv] :i* 0 z gray z h] g[n1 b1 9 its s(t tidal motion1 spangl$ ) light1 l sequ9s on a va/ tra94 ,%e _h no criticism ( ! riv] :5 %e at la/ turn$ & climb$ ! /eps to ! por*2 %e sat d[n ) a gasp4 8,i'm boil+6 ,tea8 ,hot tea to combat ! heat40 ,i p\r$ h] a cup4 8,n a hot day at all40 ,actually x 0 v w>m4 8,if y didn't get y\rself up z a ,m>ie ,corelli h]o9e1 y'd be mu* cool]40 8,n v gallant1 are we today80 ,cl>issa look$ at me ov] h] cup4 8,i've _h ?is g[n = five hundr$ ye>s4 ,!re us$ to be a wimple :i* w5t ) x b ,i lo/ x some:]e40 8,! mat]ial seems to be hold+ up q well10 & n[ t %e _h m5tion$ x1 !re 0 an ar*aic look to ! texture ( ! g[n1 l ^? bits ( clo? pres]v$ "u glass 9 museums4 8,silk la/s indef9itely1 if "o is tidy4 ,i also don't we> ?is mu*1 z y c see1 b ) ! devalu$ /ate ( ! doll> 7an om9\s sign1 my de>1 ! beg9n+ ( ! end67 ,i've be5 =c$ to r$o a lot ( old odds-&-ends ,i've kept = s5tim5tal reasons4 ,?is is "o ( !m & ,i'm v fond ( x40 ,%e spoke ?is la/ sl[ly1 to =e/all any fur!r ungallantry4 8,i j wond]$ if x 0 cool40 8,x is cool4 ,ah1 a lett] f ,iris40 ,l a magpie %e _h se5 ! lett] beside my *air &1 )\t ask+ p]mission1 _h seiz$ x & read x ?r\gh quickly4 8,i admire a girl :o types10 %e said1 lett+ fall ! lett]4 8,i suppose !y all d n[ ?\gh x seems l only ye/]day t1 next to op5+ a te>oom1 "o typ$1 work+ = m51 all ( :om made advances4 ,t 0 :5 we _h to we> corsets & hatp9s4 ,"o disc\rag$ :ile ! o!r q protect$40 ,cl>issa *uckl$ at "s obsc5e memory4 8,i wond] if ,paul c keep ,cave f w&]+ (f to "s impossible place40 8,i %\ldn't be surpris$40 ,%e pick$ at ! tea s&wi*es suspici\sly1 curl+ back ! top slices ( bread to see :at 0 und]nea?3 t5tatively1 %e bit into devil$ ham2 %e *ew$2 %e swall[$2 %e 0 n disappo9t$2 %e wolf$ ano!r s&wi*1 talk+ all ! :ile4 8,poor ,cave is a captive n[4 ,8 disciples are 9 full comm&4 ,ev5 ,mohamm$1 z /rong-head$ z he 01 f9ally end$ up a p]fect pawn 9 ! h&s ( ,abu ,bekr & ! wom51 especially ! wom540 8,i'm n s sure ab\t ,cave4 ,he44440 8,does :at !y tell him1 especially ,iris40 8,iris8 ,b ,i %\ld h said %e 0 ! only "o :o nev] tri$ to influ5ce him40 ,cl>issa laugh$ unpleasantly4 ,a mo? flew into h] artificial auburn hair2 un]r+ly1 %e f\nd x ) "o capable h& & quickly snuff$ out its life 9 a puff ( gray du/ f brok5 w+s4 ,%e wip$ h] f+]s on a pap] napk94 ,! day 0 full ( mo?s b1 =tunately1 none came ne> u aga91 pref]r+ lawn & trees to u4 8,y are naive1 ,eug5e10 %e said1 h] little murd] done4 8,x's y\r nice/ quality4 ,9 !ory y are rem>kably aw>e ( human "*2 yet1 :5 y're confront$ ) ! mo/ implausible appe>ance1 y promptly take x = ! reality40 ,i 0 irritat$ by ?is & also by ! bus9ess ( ! s&wi*1 n to m5tion ! murd] ( ! mo?2 ,i look$ at ,cl>issa ) mom5t>y dislike4 8,i 0 n aw>e44440 ,i began 9 a *ill$ voice b %e int]rupt$ me ) an airy wave ( h] h&4 8,i =get no "o likes to be call$ naive 444 calculat+1 di%one/1 trea*]\s1 p r revel 9 ^? designations1 b to be ?\ght tru/+44440 ,%e clapp$ h] h&s z ?\gh to punctuate h] mean+2 !n1 aft] a full /op1 %e w5t on m sob]ly4 8,iris is ! "o to look out =4 ,our own sweet1 self-effac+1 d$icat$ ,iris4 ,i adore h]2 ,i always h1 b %e's up to no good40 8,i don't "k :at y're talk+ ab\t40 8,y w4 ,y w\ld if y w]5't entirely bl9d to :at !y us$ to call human nature4 ,iris is acquir+ ,cave40 8,acquir+80 8,exactly ! ^w4 ,%e loves him = all sorts ( reasons b %e _c h him 9 ! usual s5se 7,i f\nd out all ab\t t1 by ! way74 ,!re=e1 ! only ?+ left h] to d is acquire him1 to take 8 life 9 h]s4 ,y may ?9k %e may ?9k t h] slavi% adoration is only humble love b actually x's some?+ f> m significant1 & dang]\s40 8,i don't see ! dang]1 ev5 accept+ y\r hypo!sis40 8,x's no hypo!sis & ! dang] is real4 ,iris w h him &1 ?r\gh him1 %e'll h y all40 ,i did n beg9 to und]/& t day & ,cl>issa1 9 h] py?oness way1 0 no help1 mutt]+ vague ?reats & imprecations ) h] m\? full ( bread4 ,aft] my fir/ jeal\sy at ,iris's pref]5ce ( ,cave to me1 a jeal\sy :i* ,i knew1 ev5 at ! "t1 0 unju/ifi$ & a little ludicr\s1 ,i _h come to accept h] devotion to ,cave z a p]fectly natural /ate ( affairs2 he 0 an extraord9>y man & ?\gh he did n fulfill h] 9 ! usual s5se1 he gave h] m ?an m]e lov] might3 he gave h] a :ole life & ,i envi$ h] = hav+ be5 able to seize s %rewdly ^u ?is unique way out ( ord9>y life & into some?+ m gr&1 m /range1 m engag+4 ,?\gh ,i c\ld n foll[ h]1 ,i 0 able to appreciate h] *oice & admire ! complet5ess ( h] days4 ,t %e 0 obscurely us+ ,cave = h] own ends1 subv]t+ him1 did n seem to me possible & ,i 0 annoy$ by ,cl>issa's d>k w>n+s4 ,i direct$ ! conv]sation into ! o!r wat]s4 8,! *ildr54 ,i hav5't decid$ :at to d ) !m40 ,cl>issa came to a full halt4 ,= a mom5t %e =got to *ew4 ,!n1 ) a look ( pa91 %e swall[$4 8,y\r *ildr580 8,any *ildr51 all *ildr510 ,i po9t$ to ! manuscript on ! table4 ,%e began to und]/&4 8,i'm q sure y h aboli%$ m>riage40 8,z a matt] ( fact1 yes1 ?is morn+40 8,& n[ y don't "k :at to d ab\t ! *ildr540 8,precisely4 ,i44440 8,p]fectly simple40 ,cl>issa 0 brisk3 ?is1 app>5tly1 0 a problem %e _h already solv$4 8,! next /ep is controll$ bre$+4 ,only ^? ^: blood l9es seem promis+ %\ld be all[$ to procreate4 ,n[ t oral contraceptives are s popul> no "o w make babies by accid5t 444 9 fact1 x %\ld be a s]i\s crime if someone does40 8,q neat1 b ,i wond] :e!r1 psy*ologically1 x's simple4 ,!re's ! :ole bus9ess ( in/9ct1 ( ! natural desire ( a woman to want h] own *ild aft] be>+ x40 8,all habit 444 n innate4 ,*ildr5 h be5 subord9ate woman's ace 9 ! hole = g5]ations4 ,!y h _h to develop c]ta9 traits :i*1 9 o!r circum/ances1 !y w\ld n h ent]ta9$4 ,rats1 :om we closely resemble1 ?\gh !y suckle _! "y w1 9 mom5ts ( mild hung] or ev5 exasp]ation1 ?9k no?+ ( eat+ an entire litt]4 ,y c condition human be+s to accept any /ate ( affairs z be+ p]fectly natural40 8,i don't d\bt t4 ,b h[ to break ! habits ( sev]al ?\s& ye>s40 8,i suppose !re are ways4 ,look :at ,cave is do+4 ,( c\rse mak+ dea? popul> is n s difficult s9ce1 f9ally1 p want x to be nice3 !y d ! real "w or1 r1 _! t]ror does4 ,9 place ( sup]/ition1 :i* !y've ne>ly outgr[n1 he (f]s !m madness40 8,n[ really1 ,cl>issa44440 8,i don't disapprove4 ,i'm all = him1 z y "k4 ,to make dea? pref]able to life is ( c\rse utt] folly ?\gh a p]fectly logical reaction = ^! poor bewild]$ savages :o1 hav+ lo/ _! old sup]/itions1 are absolutely t]rifi$ at ! prospect ( no?+4 ,!y want to p]petuate _! little p]sonalities =ev] into space & "t & n[ !y've begun to realize ! folly ( t 7:o1 aft] all1 are !y8 are we8 9 creation87 !y w foll[ desp]ately ! fir/ man :o pulls ! /+ ( dea? & ,cave is t man1 z ,i knew he w\ld be40 8,& aft] ,cave80 8,i w n say :at ,i see4 ,i'm on ! side ( *ange1 h[ev]1 :i* makes me 9 p]fect h>mony ) life40 ,cl>issa *uckl$4 ,a fi% leap$ gayly 9 ! /ill riv]2 out 9 ! *annel a b>ge glid$ by1 ! muffl$ noise ( its eng9es l sl[ he>tbeats4 8,b y ?9k x good = p to foll[ ,cave8 y ?9k :at he says is "r80 8,no?+ is good4 ,no?+ is "r4 ,b ?\gh ,cave is wrong1 x is a new wrong & s x is bett] ?an ! old2 9 any case1 he w keep ! p amus$ & bor$om1 f9ally1 is ! "o mon/] ! race w nev] conqu] 444 ! mon/] :i* w dev\r u 9 "t4 ,b n[ we're (f ! track4 ,"m love exi/s because we believe x exi/s4 ,believe x does n exi/ & x won't4 ,t1 ,i fe>1 is ! g5]al condition ( '! un*ang+ human he>t4' ,make ^! "y girls feel t hav+ babies is a patriotic duty z well z heal?ful !rapy & !y'll g ?r\gh x bli!ly en\gh1 )\t ev] giv+ a second ?\ght to ! *ild !y leave beh9d 9 ! gov]nm5t nurs]y40 8,b to get !m to t /ate ( acceptance44440 8,is ! problem4 ,i'm sure x w be solv$ 9 a few g5]ations40 8,y ?9k ,i'm "r to propose x80 8,( c\rse4 ,x w happ5 anyway40 8,yet ,i'm di/urb$ at ! ?\ght ( all t p[] 9 ! h&s ( ! /ate3 !y c make ! *ildr5 believe any?+2 !y c impose ! mo/ t]rible tyranny2 !y c bl9d at bir? s t none might ev] see any?+ aga9 b :at a few rul]s1 z ignorant z !y1 f9ally1 w want !m to see4 ,!re'll be a "t :5 all p are ne>ly alike40 8,:i* is precisely ! ideal society4 ,no my/]ies1 no romantics1 no discussions1 no p]secutions because !re's no "o to p]secute4 ,:5 all h receiv$ ! same condition+1 x w be l44440 8,insects40 8,:o h exi/$ long] ?an ourselves & w outla/ our race by _m com=table mill5nia40 8,is exi/5ce ev]y?+80 8,!re is no?+ else40 8,!n lik5ess is ! aim ( human society80 8,call x h>mony4 ,y ?9k ( y\rself only z y are n[ dropp$ into ! mid/ ( a society ( dull con=mi/s4 ,t's :]e y make y\r mi/ake4 ,y'll n live to see x =1 if y did1 y w\ld be someone else1 a "p ( x4 ,no "o ( y\r disposition c\ld possibly happ5 9 su* a society4 ,!re w\ld be no rebellion aga9/ sam5ess because diff]5ce w\ld n1 9 any important s5se1 exi/1 ev5 z a proposition4 ,y ?9k3 h[ t]rible6 b ?9k aga9 h[ wond]ful x w\ld be to belong to ! pack1 to ! tribe1 to ! race1 )\t guilt or anxiety or division40 8,i _c imag9e x40 8,no m c !y imag9e y40 8,?is w happ580 8,yes1 & y w h be5 a "p ( x40 8,?r\gh ,cave80 8,p>tly1 yes4 ,!re w be o!rs aft] him4 ,8 "w 9 ! future w be di/ort$ by o!rs1 b t's to be expect$40 8,i don't l y\r future1 ,cl>issa40 8,nor does x l y1 my de>4 ,! idea ( someone :o is gloomy & at odds ) society1 bitt] & angry1 sep>ate f o!rs 444 ,i %\ldn't wond] b t y y\rself might really be us$ z a p]fect example ( ! old evil days40 8,virtue dies80 8,virtue becomes ! prop]ty ( ! race40 8,imag9ation is =bidd580 8,no1 only *annel$ = ! good ( all40 8,& ?is is a desirable _w8 ! future y describe80 8,desirable = :om8 ,= y1 no4 ,= me1 n really4 ,= ! p 9 x8 ,well1 yes & no4 ,!y w n "q _! e/ate b !y w suff] f a collective bor$om :i* 444 b my lips are seal$4 ,y\r tea 0 delici\s ?\gh ! bread 0 n q fre%2 b !n ba*elors nev] keep h\se prop]ly4 ,i've gone on mu* too long2 d =get ev]y?+ ,i've said4 ,i'm indiscreet4 ,i c't help x40 ,%e rose1 a cl\d ( gray susp5d$ above ! por*4 ,i walk$ h] across ! lawn to ! driveway :]e h] c> 0 p>k$4 ,! breeze _h1 = ! mom5t1 di$ & ! heat prickl$ me unpleasantly2 my temples it*$ z ! sweat />t$4 8,g on ) x10 %e said z %e got into h] c>4 8,y may z well be on ! side ( ! future z aga9/ x4 ,n t x mu* matt]s anyway4 ,:5 y\r adorable ,presid5t ,jeff]son 0 9 ,p>is he said44440 ,b ! noise ( ! c> />t+ dr[n$ ! body ( h] anecdote4 ,i caught only ! end3 8,t h>mony 0 pref]able4 ,we 7 all amus$2 ,i 0 ! only "o :o realiz$ t he 0 s]i\s40 ,du/ swirl$ & ,cl>issa 0 gone d[n ! drive at a great spe$1 keep+1 ,i notic$1 to ! wrong side ( ! road4 ,i hop$ ?is 0 an om54 #e ,i got ?r\gh an unusually sultry ,july )\t mu* int]f]5ce f ei!r ,cave or ! _w4 ,paul paid me a quick visit to get ! manuscript ( ! dialogues & ,i 0 rem9d$ ( ^? acc\nts ( ! progresses made by mon>*s 9 o!r days1 or r ( great m9i/]s1 = 8 p>ty occupi$ f\r l>ge c>s :i* gleam$ side by side 9 my driveway l glossy bea/s :ile _! cont5ts1 ,paul & f\rte5 assi/ants1 all /range to me save ,/okh>91 w&]$ disconsolately ab\t ! lawn until _! dep>ture4 ,paul1 ?\gh brisk1 0 cordial4 8,tr\ble all ov] ! map b b-i-g t-r-o-u-b-l-e10 he spell$ x out ) reli%1 size 0 important1 ,i knew1 to a publici/1 ev5 to "o turn$ evangeli/4 8,is ,cave di/urb$ by x80 8,doesn't pay any att5tion4 ,hav5't se5 him b ,iris keeps me po/$4 ,by ! way1 we're hir+ a plane ! fir/ week 9 ,augu/ to g see him1 ,/okh>9 & me4 ,want to come along80 ,i didn't b ,i said ,i w\ld4 ,i _h no int5tion ( be+ left out ( any?+3 !re 0 my "w /ill to d4 8,i'll let y "k details4 ,?is is hot /uff80 ,he wav$ ! %eaf ( pap]s ,i'd giv5 him4 8,real hot10 ,i said b my irony 0 too pale1 only prim>y colors caught ,paul's eye4 8,i hope s4 ,got any new /unts80 ,i told him1 briefly1 ab\t my ?\ghts on m>riage or r ,cave's ?\ghts4 ,! lit]>y device 0 = me to ask him c]ta9 que/ions & = him to answ] !m or1 at lea/1 to ask po9t$ que/ions 9 8 turn4 ,*e]fully1 ,i _h committ$ ,cave to my own po9t ( view & ,i 0 some:at n]v\s ab\t 8 reaction1 n to m5tion ! o!rs4 ,s f>1 only ,cl>issa knew & h] approval 0 pleasant b p]haps frivol\s3 x c>ri$ little weight1 ,i knew1 ) ! re/4 ,paul :i/l$4 8,y got u a tall ord]4 ,i'm n sure we'll be able to h&le t problem yet1 if ev]40 8,i've done x c>efully10 ,i began4 ,/okh>91 :o _h be5 li/5+ ) int]e/1 came to my aid4 8,9 ! ,c5t]s we1 h[ y say1 ,paul8 s(t-p$al ! family4 ,we advise "y boys to make love to ! "y girls )\t m>ry+ or hav+ babies4 ,we speak ( ! family z a social unit1 & society *anges4 ,i am mo/ eag] to /udy ,mr ,lu!r's approa*4 ,p]haps a little aid f ^? ( u 9 cl9ical "w44440 ,b !n ! d>k s$ans began to purr2 n]v\s att5dants :isp]$ to ,paul & ,i 0 soon left alone ) ! fragm5ts ( our brief conv]sation to exam9e & int]pret at my leisure4 ,i 0 surpris$ & pleas$ at ,/okh>9's unexpect$ alliance4 ,i _h ?\ght ( him z my *ief antagoni/4 ,b !n1 my "w f9i%$1 ,i t5d$ roses & read ,cassius ,dio until ! summons 9 ,augu/ came4 #f ,! plane l&$ on a gl>e ( blue wat]1 m bl9d+ ev5 ?an ! vivid sky ab\t ! sun itself :i* made bo? elem5ts seem to be a quiv]+ blue fire 9 :i* 0 de/roy$ all ( e>? save a t9y sme> ( du/y fad$ gre51 ! isl& ( our de/9ation4 ,! pilot maneuv]$ ! plane aga9/ a bone-gray dock :]e1 all alone1 ,iris /ood1 h] hair tangl$ f ! propell]s' w9d & h] eyes hidd5 by d>k glasses4 ,l explor]s 9 a new c\ntry1 ,paul1 ,/okh>9 & ,i scrambl$ onto ! dock1 ! heat clos+ 9 ab\t u l blue canvas1 /ifl+1 palpable4 ,i gasp$ & dropp$ my suitcase4 ,iris laugh$ & ran =w>d to greet u2 %e came fir/ to me :i*1 ev5 9 my dazzl$1 %ock$ /ate1 ,i realiz$ & valu$4 8,g5e1 y mu/ get out ( t suit ?is m9ute6 & get "s d>k glasses or y'll g bl9d4 ,paul1 h[ are y8 ,x's good to see y1 ,doctor40 ,&1 9 ! *att] ( greet+s1 %e escort$ u (f ! dock & across a n>r[ :ite bea* to a grove ( palm trees :]e ! cottage /ood4 ,to our delight1 ! int]ior 0 cool$ by ma*9]y4 ,i sank into a wick] *air ev5 :ile ,cave 0 pump+ my h&4 ,iris laugh$1 8,leave him alone1 ,john4 ,he's smo!r$ by ! heat40 8,no hat10 said ,cave solemnly aft] ! fir/ greet+ :i*1 9 my relief1 ,i'd n he>d4 8,y'll get sun/roke40 ,paul 0 n[ 9 *>ge4 ,! heat :i* _h en]vat$ bo? ,/okh>9 & me fill$ him ) manic en]gy1 l "o ( ^? reptiles :i* absorb vitality f ! sun4 8,:at a great little place1 ,john6 ,_h no idea !re 7 all ! com=ts ( home d[n "h1 none at all4 ,don't suppose y g out mu*80 ,cave1 unlike ,iris1 0 n tann$ ?\gh he _h1 = him1 a good color1 a rudd9ess ( tone unlike 8 usual sall[ness4 8,i don't get too mu* sun10 he admitt$4 8,we g fi%+ sometimes1 e>ly 9 ! morn+4 ,mo/ ( ! "t ,i j hang ar\nd ! h\se & look at ! lett]s1 & read "s40 ,i notic$ on ! table beside me an enorm\s pile ( travel magaz9es1 t\ri/ fold]s & atlases3 ?is _h obvi\sly be5 ,cave's read+4 ,i anticipat$ tr\ble4 ,paul pr[l$ re/lessly ab\t ! mod]n liv+ room ) its %utt]$ seal$ w9d[s4 ,/okh>9 & ,i1 l fi% back 9 _! own elem5t aft] a brief excursion on l&1 gasp$ s(tly 9 our *airs :ile ,iris told u ( ! keys1 ( _! fi%+ trips4 ,%e 0 at h] be/ "h z %e _h be5 t o!r "t 9 ,spokane 444 be+ out ( doors1 9 ,cave's exclusive company1 br\ght h] to life 9 a way ! excit+ busyness ( ,new ,york did n4 ,9 ,new ,york %e seem$ l an object ?r\gh :i* an electric curr5t pass$2 "h on ?is isl&1 9 ! sun's gl>e1 %e _h unfold$1 petal aft] petal until ! secret int]ior seem$ almo/ expos$4 ,i 0 consci\s ( h] z a lovely woman &1 )\t w>n+1 ,i exp]i5c$ desire3 t %>p r>e long+ :i*1 9 me1 c rea* no climax4 ,always be=e %e _h be5 a fri5d1 a companion ^: company ,i _h jeal\sly valu$3 h] att5tion alone _h be5 en\gh to satisfy me1 b on ?is day ,i saw h] z a man entire might & ,i plummet$ into despair :ile talk+ ( ,plato4 8,! ,symposium 0 ! model1 yes4 ,!re are o!r ways ( ca/+ dialogues su* z introduc+ ! celebrat$ dead br\ght toge!r = a *at 9 ,limbo4 ,i ?\ght1 ?\gh1 t ,i %\ld keep ! talk to only two4 ,cave & myself 444 ,socrates & ,alcibiades40 ,alcibiades 0 precisely ! wrong p>allel b ,i left x uncorrect$1 notic+ h[ delicately ! holl[ at ! base ( h] ?roat quiv]$ ) life's blood & al?\gh ,i attempt$1 z ,i (t5 _h be=e ) bitt] success1 to ?9k ( h] z s mu* mortal fle%1 ! body & its beauty only pulp & bone1 only beautiful to a human eye 444 hide\s1 no d\bt1 to ! eye ( a geometric progression 444 t aft]noon ,i 0 lo/ & ,i c\ld n become1 ev5 = a mom5t1 an ab/ract intellig5ce aga93 ,i saw ! bone2 ,i saw ! du/1 yet ,i saw h] exi/+1 despite h] nature & h] fate1 triumphant 9 ! pres5t4 ,i curs$ ! flaw 9 my own fle% & hat$ life4 8,we lik$ x v mu*10 %e said1 n div9+ my mood1 unaw>e ( my sudd5 passion & its att5dant despair4 8,y don't ?9k x's too /rong1 d y8 ,all morality1 n to m5tion ! *ur*es1 w be align$ aga9/ u40 8,john 0 worri$ at fir/ 444 n t opposition fright5s him & x is 8 idea2 ,i mean y wrote ! dialogue b x reflects exactly :at he's always ?\ght40 ,?\gh 9 love's agony1 ,i look$ at h] %>ply to make c]ta9 %e 0 p]fectly s]i\s3 %e 02 ?is help$ soo! ! pa94 ,%e _h be5 hypnotiz$ by ,cave4 ,i wond]$ h[ ,cl>issa c\ld ev] h ?\ght x 0 ! o!r way ar\nd4 8,9 a way we're already on record10 ,iris look$ ?\ghtfully across ! room at ,cave :o 0 %[+ ,paul & ,/okh>9 a l>ge map ( "s /range c\ntry4 8,! ,c5t]s h help$ a good _m c\ples to adju/ to "o ano!r )\t m>riage & )\t guilt40 8,b !n !re's ! problem ( :at to d ) ! *ildr5 :5 ! family breaks up40 ,iris sigh$4 8,i'm afraid t's already a problem4 ,our ,c5t]s are tak+ c>e ( a good _m *ildr5 already4 ,a numb]1 ( c\rse1 g out = adoption to bor$ c\ples :o ne$ some?+ to amuse !m4 ,i suppose we'll h to e/abli% nurs]ies z a "p ( ea* ,c5t] until1 f9ally1 ! gov]nm5t assumes ! responsibility40 8,if x becomes ,cavite40 8,:5 x becomes ,cavite40 ,%e 0 p[]ful 9 h] casualness4 8,mean:ile !re are laws ( adoption :i* v>y f /ate to /ate &1 if we're n c>eful1 we're apt to come up aga9/ ! law40 8,paul looks aft] u10 %e smil$4 8,did y "k t he has ne>ly a hundr$ lawy]s on our pay roll8 ,all protect+ u40 8,f :at80 ,i _h n kept track ( ?is4 8,lawsuits 444 mo/ly attempts by /ate legislatures to outlaw ! ,c5t]s on ! gr\nds ( immorality & s on4 ,! lawy]s are kept busy all ! "t40 8,:y hav5't ,i read ab\t any ( ?is 9 ! pap]s80 8,we've be5 able to keep ?+s fairly quiet4 ,paul is m>vel\s ) ! editors 444 sev]al h ev5 jo9$ u1 by ! way 444 secretly1 ( c\rse40 8,:at's ! memb]%ip n[80 ,iris ge/ur$4 8,no "o kn[s4 ,we h ?irty ,c5t]s 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates & ea* day !y receive hundr$s ( new ,cavites4 ,i suspect !re are at lea/ f\r million by n[40 ,i gasp$1 beg9n+ to recov] at la/ f ! heat1 f my unexpect$ crisis ( love4 8,i _h no idea ?+s 7 go+ s fa/40 8,too fa/4 ,we hav5't en\gh tra9$ p to look aft] ! ,c5t]s & on top ( t we've got to set up new ,c5t]s4 ,paul has brok5 ! c\ntry up into di/ricts1 all v me?odical3 s _m ,c5t]s p] di/rict ea* ) a ,resid5t 9 *>ge4 ,/okh>9 is tak+ c>e ( ! cl9ical "w40 8,:]e's ! money com+ f80 8,9 bu%els f heav510 ,iris smil$4 8,we leave all t up to ,paul4 ,i %\ldn't be surpris$ if he c\nt]feits x4 ,"o ?+ ,i "k1 ?\gh1 ,i mu/ get back to ,new ,york soon1 to ! s*ool4 ,i %\ldn't really h gone (f 9 ! middle ( ev]y?+ b ,i 0 tir$ & ,john want$ company s ,i came40 8,h[ is he80 8,z y see3 calm4 ,i don't believe he ev] ?9ks ( any ( our problems4 ,he nev] talks ab\t !m2 nev] reads ! reports ,paul s5ds him4 ,he seldom reads ! attacks f ! *ur*es & we get sev]al a day1 n to m5tion ?reat5+ mail4 ,x's got s bad t we n[ h full-"t bodygu>ds40 8,y ?9k p are s]i\sly ?reat5+ him80 8,i don't "k h[ s]i\s !y are b we c't take *ances4 ,=tunately1 almo/ no "o kn[s we're "h &1 s f>1 no cranks h got ?r\gh f ! ma9l&4 ,we get our groc]ies & mail br\ght 9 by boat e o!r day f ,key ,l>go4 ,o!rwise1 we're m>oon$ "h40 ,i look$ ab\t me = "s sign ( ! gu>ds b !y 7 else:]e3 a ,cuban woman glumly vacuum+ 9 ! next room 0 ! only visible /rang]4 ,cave ab&on$ 8 maps & atlases long en\gh to tell me h[ mu* ! dialogues pleas$ him4 8,i wi% ,i c\ld put x d[n l y d4 ,i c only say x :5 p li/540 8,y feel ,i've be5 accurate80 ,he nodd$ solemnly4 8,oh1 yes 444 x's j z ,i've always said x1 only writt5 d[n40 ,i realiz$ t he'd already assum$ full responsibility 7& cr$it1 %\ld !re be any7 = my composition2 ,i accept$ 8 presumption ) amusem5t4 ,only ,/okh>9 seem$ aw>e ( ! humor ( ! situation4 ,i caught him />+ at me ) a %rewd expression2 he look$ quickly away & 8 m\? 0 rigid z he tri$ n to smile4 ,i lik$ him at t mom5t3 we 7 ! only two1 evid5tly1 :o _h n be5 possess$ by ,cave4 ,i felt l a conspirator4 ,= sev]al days we talk$1 or r ,paul talk$4 ,he _h br\ght ) him *>ts & /atem5ts & /ati/ics &1 ?\gh ,cave did n bo!r to disguise 8 bor$om1 he li/5$ mo/ ( ! "t & 8 que/ions1 :5 !y did occur1 7 apposite4 ,! re/ ( u 7 fasc9at$ by ! ext5t ( :at ,paul ref]r$ to z ! 8fir/ op]ational phase40 ,v>i\s projects _h already be5 und]tak52 o!rs 7 put up to ! directors = discussion4 ,! mood 01 due to ,paul's emphatic p]sonality1 m l t ( a meet+ ( acc\nt-executives 9 an adv]tis+ firm ?an ! pi\s =ega!r+ ( a messiah's apo/les 444 & already t ^w _h be5 us$ 9 ! press by ! curi\s z well z by ! dev\t4 ,cave 0 ! messiah to sev]al million ,am]icans1 "o n come ) fire to judge ! _w1 nor "o arm$ ) ! in/ruction ( a sup]natural be+ ^: pres5ce 0 else:]e b ^: secret ^w _h be5 giv5 ?is favorite son 444 no1 ,cave 0 ( ano!r l9e3 t ( ! prophets1 ( ! in/ructors l ,jesus be=e he became ,*ri/1 l ,mohamm$ be=e he became ,islam4 ,cave 0 ! "o 9 our age ^: s+le task x 0 to speak out1 to say ! words all m5 wait$ = yet d>$ n speak nor ev5 att5d )\t ! ov]p[]+ au?ority ( ano!r :o _h1 plausibly1 assum$ ! guise ( ma/]4 ,i c\ld n help b wond] z ,i wat*$ ,cave 9 ^? hectic conf]5ces if ! pa/ _h be5 l ?is4 ,cave c]ta9ly _h "o advantage ov] 8 pr$ecessors3 mod]n communications4 ,x took ?ree c5turies = ,*ri/ianity to infe/ ! _w4 ,x 0 to take ,cave only ?ree ye>s to conqu] ,europe & ! ,am]icas4 ,b ,i did n h ?is =ekn[l$ge 9 ,florida4 ,i only knew t ,paul 0 h&l+ an extraord9>y bus9ess 9 a rem>kable way4 ,!re 0 no plan s va/ t he c\ld n contemplate its execution ) ease4 ,he 0 exhau/+ 9 8 en]gy &1 ?\gh he did n possess mu* imag9ation1 he 0 a spl5did improvis]1 us+ :atev] !mes 7 at h& to create 8 own dazzl+ contrapuntal effects )4 ,we decid$ ^u a weekly magaz9e to be di/ribut$ gratis to ! ,cavites 7,i 0 appo9t$ editor ?\gh ! real "w1 ( :i* ,i 0 entirely ignorant1 0 to be done by a crew already at "w on ! fir/ issue72 we det]m9$ to s5d abroad c]ta9 films to be %[n by ,cavite lectur]s2 we approv$ ! it9]>y ( ,cave's national t\r 9 ! fall 7,cave 0 mo/ alive dur+ ?is discussion2 sugge/+ cities he want$ p>ticul>ly to see1 revel+ 9 ! euphony ( su* names z ,tallahassee72 we plann$ sev]al d9n]s to be held 9 ,new ,york ) newspap] editors & political figures & we discuss$ ! advisability ( ,cave's accept+ an invitation to be que/ion$ by ! ,committee on ,national ,morals & ,am]icanism ( ! ,h\se ( ,repres5tatives1 a rem>kably p[]ful ,committee :i* _h begun to %[ an int]e/ 9 ! progress ( our ,c5t]s4 ,x 0 decid$ t ,cave delay meet+ !m until ! "t 0 propiti\s1 or until he _h receiv$ a subpo5a4 ,paul1 ) 8 in/9ctive s5se ( ! !atrical1 did n want to h ?is crucial meet+ take place )\t a mo/ c>eful build-up4 ,we discuss$ ! v>i\s /eps tak5 or ab\t to be tak5 by c]ta9 /ate legislatures aga9/ ! ,c5t]s4 ,! /ates involv$ 7 ^? ) ei!r a pr$om9antly ,ca?olic or pr$om9antly ,bapti/ population4 ,s9ce ! ,c5t]s _h be5 organiz$ to con=m ) exi/+ /ate & f$]al laws 7! lawy]s 7 e>n+ _! fees71 ,paul ?\ght !y w\ld h a difficult "t 9 clos+ any ( !m4 ,! sev]al laws :i* _h be5 pass$ 7 all be+ appeal$ & he 0 confid5t ( our v9dication by ! high] c\rts4 ,?\gh ! e/abli%$ *ur*es 7 n[ fight+ u ) e possible weapon ( law & propag&a1 we 7 fully protect$1 ,paul felt1 by ! ,bill ( ,rights ev5 9 its curr5tly abrogat$ /ate4 ,late 9 ! aft]noon aft] "o ( ! day's conf]5ces _h end$1 ,iris & ,i swam 9 ! ,gulf1 ! wat] z w>m z blood & ! sky s(t ) ev5+4 ,we /ay$ 9 ! wat] = an h\r1 n talk+1 n really swimm+1 m]ely a "p ( ! sea & ! sky1 two lives on a curv$ horizon1 q alone 7= ! o!rs nev] v5tur$ out71 only ! bor$ bodygu>d on ! dock rem9d$ u t ! usual _w _h n slipp$ away 9 a sunny dream1 leav+ u isolat$ & cont5t 9 t sea f :i* our life _h come s long ago 444 wat] to wat]1 ,i ?\ght com=tably z we crawl$ up on ! bea* l new-lung$ creatures4 ,iris undid h] ba?+ cap & h] hair1 /reak$ blonde by ! sun 7& a little gray z well71 fell ab\t h] %\ld]s4 ,%e sigh$ voluptu\sly4 8,if x w\ld always be l ?is40 8,if :at80 8,ev]y?+40 8,ah10 ,i ran my h& along my legs & cry/als ( salt glitt]$ & fell2 we 7 bo? du/$ ) light4 8,y h y\r "w10 ,i add$ 444 ) "s malice ?\gh ,i 0 n[ "u control 444 my crisis resolv$ aft] "o sleepless night4 ,i c\ld n[ look at h] )\t long+1 )\t pa92 regret 0 ano!r matt] b regret 0 only a di/ant relative to angui%4 8,i h t1 too10 %e said4 8,! "w uses ev]y?+ :ile ?is 444 is a n>cotic4 ,i float )\t a ?\ght or a desire l 444 l an anemone40 8,y don't "k :at an anemone is1 d y80 ,%e laugh$ l a *ild4 8,h[ d y "k ,i don't80 8,y said x l somebody read+ a ,lat9 inscription40 8,:at is x80 ,i laugh$1 too4 8,i don't "k4 ,p]haps some?+ l a jellyfi%4 ,x has a lovely s\nd3 sea anemone40 ,we 7 int]rupt$ by a motorboat pull+ into ! dock4 8,x's ! mail10 said ,iris4 8,we'd bett] g back to ! h\se n[40 ,:ile we collect$ t[els1 ! gu>d on ! dock help$ ! boatman c>ry two l>ge boxes ( groc]ies & mail to ! h\se4 ,betwe5 a pair ( palm trees1 a y>d f ! door ( ! h\se1 ! bomb w5t (f 9 a fla% ( light & gray smoke4 ,a /++ spray ( s& bl9d$ ,iris & me4 ,! bla/ knock$ me (f balance & ,i fell backw>d onto ! bea*4 ,= sev]al m9utes1 my eyes fill$ ) te>s & burn+ f ! coral s&1 ,i 0 q bl9d4 ,:5 ,i 0 f9ally able to see aga91 ,iris 0 already at ! h\se try+ to =ce op5 ! door4 ,"o ( ! palm trees look$ z if x _h be5 /ruck by lightn+1 all its fronds gone & its base smold]+4 ,! w9d[s ( ! h\se 7 brok5 & ,i recall wond]+1 fooli%ly1 h[ ! air-condition+ c\ld possibly "w if ! h\se 0 n seal$4 ,! door 0 spl9t]$ & mo/ ( its pa9t _h be5 burn$ (f3 x 0 also jamm$ = ,iris c\ld n op5 x4 ,mean:ile1 f a side door1 ! occupants ( ! h\se _h begun to appe>1 pale & %ak54 ,i limp$ t[>d ! h\se1 rubb+ my eyes1 aw>e t my left knee _h be5 hurt4 ,i 0 c>eful n to look at ei!r ! boatman or ! gu>d4 ,_! rema9s inextricably /rewn among t9 cans & lett]s 9 ! bu%es4 ,paul 0 ! fir/ to speak3 a torr5t ( rage :i* jolt$ u all out ( fe> & %ock4 ,iris1 aft] "o look at ! dead m51 fl$ into ! h\se4 ,i /ood /upidly beside ! door1 roll+ my eyes to dislodge ! s& & li/5+ to ,paul4 ,!n ! o!r gu>ds came ) blankets & ga!r$ up ! pieces ( ! two m54 ,i turn$ away1 aw>e = ! fir/ "t t ,cave 0 /&+ slightly ap>t1 ne>e/ ! h\se4 ,he 0 v pale4 ,he spoke only once1 half to himself = ,paul 0 /ill rant+3 8,let x beg910 said ,cave s(tly4 8,n[1 n[40 ,,eight #a ,x began inde$1 l ! fir/ record$ %ot ( a w>4 ,! day aft] ! explosion1 we left ! isl& & ,cave 0 fl[n to ano!r retreat1 ?is "t 9 ! c5t] ( ,new ,york ,city :]e1 unique 9 all ! _w1 !re c exi/ true privacy1 ev5 invisibility4 ,! ,cavite hi/ory ( ! next two ye>s is publicly kn[n & ! private aspects ( x d n p>ticul>ly reveal4 ,x 0 a "t ( expansion & ( battle4 ,! opposition clos$ its ranks4 ,sev]al attempts 7 made on all our lives &1 six mon?s aft] our return f ,florida1 we 7 all1 except ! indomitable ,cl>issa1 =c$ to move into ! br&-new ,cavite ,c5t]1 a quickly built b h&some build+ ( yell[ glass on ,p>k ,av5ue4 ,"h on ! top floor1 9 ! p5?\se :i* 0 itself a mansion surr\nd$ by ,babylonian g>d5s & a wall ( glass ?r\gh :i* ! encompass+ city rose l /alagmites1 ,cave & ,paul1 ,/okh>9 & ,iris & ,i all liv$ ) our bodygu>ds1 nev] v5tur+ out ( ! build+ :i* resembl$1 dur+ t "t1 a milit>y headqu>t]s ) gu>ds & adjutants & a maze ( (ficials ?r\gh :om bo? /rang]s & famili>s 7 =c$ to pass be=e !y c\ld meet ev5 myself1 mu* less ,cave4 ,9 spite ( ! unnaturalness ( ! life1 x 01 ,i ?9k1 ! happie/ "t ( my life4 ,except = brief excursions to ! ,hudson1 ,i sp5t ! entire two ye>s 9 t "o build+1 kn[+ at la/ ! sort ( security & s]5ity :i* monks mu/ h kn[n 9 _! mona/]ies1 9 _! retreats4 ,i ?9k ! o!rs 7 also cont5t1 except = ,cave :o ev5tually grew s morose & bor$ by 8 conf9em5t t ,paul n only _h to promise him a _w t\r b1 = 8 vic>i\s pleasure1 play$1 night aft] night 9 ! ,c5t]'s auditorium1 travel films :i* ,cave dev\r$ ) eag] eyes1 ask+ = c]ta9 films to be halt$ at v>i\s int]e/+ p>ts s t he might exam9e "s l&scape or build+ 7nev] a human be+1 no matt] h[ qua9t72 favorite movies 7 play$ ov] & ov] aga91 long aft] ! re/ ( u _h gone (f to b$1 leav+ ,cave & ! projectioni/ alone ) ! bright %ad[s ( di/ant places 444 alone save = ! ubiquit\s gu>ds4 ,!re 7 a numb] ( attacks ^u ! build+ itself b s9ce all incom+ mail & visitors 7 *eck$ by ma*9]y = hidd5 weapons !re 0 nev] a repetition ( t isl& disa/] :i* _h _h su* a *ill+ effect on all ( u4 ,pickets ( c\rse m>*$ daily = two ye>s 9 front ( ! ,c5t]'s door &1 on f\r sep>ate occasions1 mobs attempt$ to /orm ! build+3 !y 7 repuls$ easily by our gu>ds 7! police1 = ! mo/ ,ca?olic1 did n unduly ex]t !mselves 9 our def5se2 =tunately1 ! build+ _h be5 con/ruct$ ) ! idea ( def5se 9 m9d74 ,! life 9 ! ,c5t] 0 busy4 ,9 ! p5?\se ea* ( u _h an (fice & ,cave _h a l>ge suite :]e he sp5t 8 days wat*+ television & pond]+ j\rneys4 ,he did n foll[ ) mu* int]e/ ! do+s ( ! organization ?\gh he _h begun to enjoy read+ ! attacks :i* regul>ly appe>$ aga9/ him & u 9 ! newspap]s4 ,bi%op ,w9/on 0 ! lead] ( ! non-,ca?olic opposition & 8 apologias & ana!mas inspir$ u ) admiration4 ,he 01 ,i ?9k1 consci\s ( be+ ! la/ great spokesman ( ! ,prote/ant *ur*es & he fulfill$ 8 hi/oric function ) wit & dignity & we admir$ him trem5d\sly4 ,by ?is "t1 ( c\rse1 our victory 0 9 sight & we c\ld %[ magnanimity to ^? :o rema9$ loyal to anci5t sy/ems4 ,i 0 ! "o mo/ conc]n$ ) answ]+ ! attacks s9ce ,i 0 n[ an editor ) an entire floor devot$ to ! ,cavite ,j\rnal 7we 7 n able to ?9k up a bett] "n74 ,at fir/ x 0 publi%$ weekly & giv5 away free b aft] ! fir/ ye> x became a daily newspap]1 fat ) adv]tis+1 & sold on news/&s4 ,besides my duties z editor1 ,i 0 also ! (ficial apologi/ & ,i 0 kept busy compos+ dialogues on v>i\s e?ical matt]s1 rang+ f ! virtues ( cremation to fair bus9ess practices4 ,ne$less to say1 ,i _h a good deal ( help & "s ( my mo/ res\nd+ effects 7 contriv$ by o!rs1 by anonym\s speciali/s4 ,ea* in/allm5t1 h[ev]1 ( ,cavite doctr9e 7or rationalization z ,i pref]r$ to ?9k ( my "w7 0 receiv$ z eag]ly by ! exp&+ ranks ( ! fai?ful z x 0 d5\nc$ by ! ,ca?olic ,*ur* & ! new league ( ,prote/ant ,*ur*es "u ,bi%op ,w9/on's guidance4 ,we receiv$ our fir/ s]i\s setback :51 9 ! autumn ( our fir/ ye> 9 ! new build+1 we 7 bann$ f ! television networks ?r\gh a s]ies ( te*nicalities creat$ by ,congress = our b5efit & invok$ )\t w>n+4 ,x took ,paul's lawy]s a ye> to get ! case ?r\gh ! c\rts :i* f9ally rev]s$ ! gov]nm5t's rul+4 ,mean:ile1 we c\nt]attack$ by creat+ hundr$s ( new ,c5t]s :]e films ( ,cave 7 %[n regul>ly4 ,once a week he 0 televis$ = ! ,c5t]s :]e huge cr[ds ga!r$ to see & he> him & x 0 always ,paul's claim t ! gov]nm5t's spiteful action _h1 p>adoxically1 be5 responsible = ! sudd5 victory ( ,cavesword3 n be+ able to li/5 to _! idol 9 _! own homes ! ,cavites1 & ev5 ! m]ely curi\s1 7 =c$ to visit ! ,c5t]s :]e1 9 ! g5]al mood ( cam>ad]ie & delight 9 ! same ^w1 !y 7 organiz$ q ru?lessly4 ,/okh>9's cl9ics h&l$ _! p]sonal problems4 ,o!r dep>tm5ts assum$ ! guidance & ev5 ! support1 if necess>y1 ( _! *ildr5 :ile free m$ical & educational facilities 7 made available to all :o appli$4 ,at ! end ( ! second ye>1 !re 7 m enroll$ ,cavites ?an any o!r s+le religi\s d5om9ation includ+ ! ,roman ,ca?olic4 ,i publi%$ ?is fact & ! accompany+ /ati/ics ) a c]ta9 guilt :i*1 ne$less to say1 my fell[ directors did n %>e4 ,! result ( ?is revelation 0 a special ,congressional he>+4 ,9 spite ( ! usual confusion att5dant ^u any ( ! vigor\s old ,congress's he>t5+ly incompet5t inve/igations1 ?is ev5t 0 well-/ag$1 prep>+ ! way politically1 to draw ! obvi\s p>allel1 = a new ,con/ant9e4 ,x took place 9 ,m>* & x 0 ! only (ficial j\rney any ( u1 except+ ,paul1 _h made f our yell[ citadel = two ye>s4 ,! entire proce$+s 7 televis$1 a bit ( unwisdom on ! "p ( ! ho/ile ,congressm5 :o1 9 _! und]/&able eag]ness = publicity1 ov]look$ _! int5d$ victim's complete ma/]y ( t m$ium4 ,i did n g to ,wa%+ton b ,i saw ,cave & ,paul & ,iris (f f ! ro( ( ! ,c5t]4 ,because ( ! cr[ds :i* _h =m$ 9 ! /reets1 hop+ = a glimpse ( ,cave1 ! orig9al plan to fly to ,wa%+ton abo>d a *>t]$ airplane 0 disc>d$ at ! la/ m9ute & two helicopt]s 7 ord]$ in/ead to pick up ,cave & 8 p>ty on ! t]race 9 front ( ! p5?\se1 a mode ( travel n !n popul>4 ,paul saw to x t ! dep>ture 0 film$4 ,a doz5 ( u :o 7 n go+ /ood ab\t among ! trees & bu%es :ile ! helicopt]s hov]$ a few feet above ! ro(1 _! ladd]s dangl+4 ,!n ,cave appe>$ ) ,paul & ,iris :ile a cam]a crew record$ _! f>ewell & dep>ture4 ,cave look$ z s]5e z ev]1 q pale 9 8 d>k blue suit & :ite %irt 444 a small au/]e figure ) d[nca/ eyes4 ,iris 0 bright-fac$ f ! excitem5t & cold2 !re 0 a %>p w9d on ! ro( :i* tangl$ h] hair4 8,i'm t]rifi$10 %e :isp]$ fi]cely 9 my e> z we %ook h&s =mally = ! cam]a4 8,paul seems 9 full comm&10 ,i said1 com=t+ly4 ,& ,paul1 n ,cave1 0 mak+ a %ort spee* to ! cam]a :ile ,cave /ood alone & /ill2 !n1 9 a gu/ ( w9d1 !y 7 gone & ,i w5t to my (fice to wat* ! he>+s4 ,! (ficial reason = ! inve/igation 0 bas$ ^u c]ta9 *>ges made by ! v>i\s *ur*es t ! ,cavites 7 subv]t+ ,*ri/ian morality by *ampion+ free love & publicly descry+ ! et]nal in/itution ( m>riage4 ,?is 0 ! burd5 ( t compla9t aga9/ ,cave :i* ! ,committee mo/ wi%$ to contemplate s9ce x 0 ! /ronge/ ( ! num]\s allegations &1 9 _! eyes1 ! mo/ dang]\s to ! /ate1 ! "o mo/ likely to get ! l>ge/ am\nt ( publicity4 ,= "s ye>s ! realm ( public morals _h be5 a favorite excursion gr\nds = ! ,congress & _! t\rnam5ts at public exp5se 7 att5d$ delight$ly by ev]yone4 ,?is p>ticul> "o1 affect+ z x did ! head ( ! l>ge/ s+le religi\s e/abli%m5t 9 ! c\ntry w\ld1 ! ,congressm5 7 q sure1 prove an irresi/ible spectacle4 ,x 04 ,at fir/ !re 0 a good deal ( confusion4 ,newspap] m5 /umbl$ ov] "o ano!r2 fla% bulbs 7 dropp$2 ,congressm5 c\ld n get ?r\gh ! cr[d to take _! seats4 ,to fill 91 :ile ^! prelim9>ies 7 got ov]1 ! cam]a 0 tra9$ ^u ! cr[d :i* 0 beg9n+ to ga!r 9 front ( ! ,capitol2 a cr[d :i* grew1 z "o wat*$1 to ,inaugural size4 ,?\gh x 0 ord]ly1 a troop ( soldi]s 9 trucks soon arriv$1 z ?\gh by previ\s design1 & !y got out1 =m+ a cordon ( fix$ bayonets be=e ! v>i\s entrances to ! ,capitol4 ,"h & !re1 aga9/ ! gu/y blue sky1 bann]s ) ! s+le ^w 8,cave10 gold on blue1 snapp$3 ,9 hoc signo inde$6 ,!n ! comm5tators :o _h be5 exclaim+ at "s l5g? on ! size ( ! cr[d1 excit$ly ann\nc$ ! arrival ( ,cave4 ,a ro> ( s\nd fill$ ! plaza4 ,! bann]s 7 wav$ back & =? aga9/ ! sky & ,i saw ev]y:]e ! !atrical h& ( ,paul ,himmell4 ,! sc5e %ift$ to ! ,h\se ( ,repres5tatives entrance to ! ,capitol4 ,cave we>+ an ov]coat b b>ehead$1 /epp$ out ( ! lim\s9e4 ,he 0 alone4 ,nei!r ,paul nor ,iris 0 9 sight4 ,x 0 mo/ effective t he %\ld come l ?is1 )\t equ]ries or c\nselors4 ,he /ood = a mom5t 9 ! pill>$ entrance1 aw>e ( ! cr[d outside2 ev5 ?r\gh ! comm5tator's n>rative "o c\ld he>1 l ! surf fall+3 ,cave6 ,cave6 ,cave6 ,= a mom5t x seem$ t he might turn & g1 n into ! ,capitol1 b out onto ! /eps to ! cr[d2 b !n ! *ief ( ! ,capitol gu>d1 s5s+ p]haps t ?is might happ51 g5tly /e]$ him up ! /airs4 ,! next %ot 0 ( ! ,committee ,room :]e ! he>+s _h at la/ begun4 ,a some:at phlegmatic ,jesuit 0 te/ify+4 ,8 words 7 difficult to he> because ( ! noise 9 ! committee room1 & ! impot5t %\ts ( ! *airman4 ,! comm5tator gave a brief analysis ( ! ,jesuit's attack on ,cave & !n1 9 ! mid/ ( a p>ticul>ly l\d ex*ange betwe5 ! *airman & ! cr[d1 ! cl]k ( ! c\rt proclaim$3 ,john ,cave4 ,!re 0 sil5ce4 ,! cr[d p>t$ to make way = him4 ,ev5 ! memb]s ( ! committee cran$ to get a good look at him z he mov$ quietly1 almo/ demurely1 to ! witness *air4 ,! only movem5t 9 ! room 0 t ( ! ,papal ,nuncio :o1 9 8 robes1 sat 9 ! front rank ( ! audi5ce4 ,he cross$ himself z ,cave pass$ & %ut 8 eyes4 ,cave 0 respectful1 almo/ inaudible4 ,sev]al times he 0 ask$ to repeat 8 answ]s ev5 ?\gh ! room 0 rem>kably /ill4 ,at fir/ ,cave w\ld answ] only 9 monosyllables1 n look+ up1 n meet+ ! gaze ( 8 int]rogators :o took he>t at ?is1 pr(essionals !mselves3 _! voices :i* _h almo/ mat*$ 8 = inaudibility1 began to boom ) confid5ce4 ,i wait$ = ! lightn+4 ,! fir/ intimation came :5 ,cave look$ up4 ,= ne>ly five m9utes he _h n rais$ 8 eyes once dur+ ! que/ion+4 ,sudd5ly he look$ up & ,i saw t he 0 try+ to locate ! cam]a2 he did1 & x 0 l a revelation3 a sudd5 %ock w5t ?r\gh me & z well z ,i knew him1 z few illusions z ,i _h ab\t him1 ,i 0 arre/$ by 8 gaze 444 x 0 z ?\gh only he & ,i exi/$1 z ?\gh he 7 ,i2 all ( ^? :o wat*$ respond$ 9 ! same fa%ion to t unique gaze4 ,! ,committee1 h[ev]1 0 n aw>e ( :at _h happ5$1 t _! int5d$ victim _h ) "o glance appropriat$ ! eye ( ! _w4 ,! subsequ5t cate*ism is too well kn[n to record "h2 we us$ x z ! ma9 exposition ( ,cavesword1 ! "o te/am5t :i* conta9$ ! entire ?+4 ,x 0 almo/ z if ! ,congressm5 _h be5 giv5 ! necess>y que/ions to ask1 l ^? support+ actors ^: m9or roles are design$ to illum9ate ! g5ius ( ! />4 ,two ( ! sev5 memb]s ( ! ,committee 7 ,cavites4 ,?is 0 soon app>5t4 ,! o!r five 7 viol5tly 9 opposition4 ,"o z a ,ca?olic1 ano!r z a ,prote/ant1 & two z mat]iali/ic lov]s ( ! old ord]4 ,only "o ( ! attack]s1 a quiet s*ol>ly-look+ ,jew1 made any real po9t4 ,he argu$ ! p]nici\sness ( an organization :i*1 if all[$ to prosp]1 w\ld replace ! /ate & =ce all diss5t]s to con=m2 x 0 8 cont5tion t ! /ate prosp]$ mo/ :5 no "o sy/em 0 suffici5tly /rong to dom9ate4 ,i want$ to he> m ( him b 8 ,ca?olic colleague1 a bull-voic$ ,iri%man1 dr[n$ him out1 w9n+ ! day = ! ,cavites4 ,cave1 to my a/oni%m5t1 _h memoriz$ mo/ ( ! dialogues ,i'd writt5 & he said my words ) ! same p[] t he said 8 own4 ,i 0 />tl$ by ?is4 ,!re _h be5 no h9t t su* a ?+ might happ5 & ,i c\ldn't1 = "s "t1 det]m9e ! motive until ,i recall$ ,cave's reluctance to be+ quot$ 9 pr9t2 he _h app>5tly realiz$ t n[ !re w\ld be a complete record ( 8 te/imony & s1 = ! sake ( bo? lit]acy & consi/5cy1 he _h committ$ to memory ^? words ( m9e :i* 7 ?\ght to be 84 ,at ! great mom5t1 h[ev]1 ! p]oration 7by :i* "t !re 7 no m que/ions & ,cave's voice alone 0 he>d7 he became himself1 & spoke ,cavesword4 ,!n1 )\t ! ,committee's leave1 9 ! dazzl$ sil5ce :i* foll[$ ^u 8 la/ words1 he got up abruptly & left ! room4 ,i swit*$ (f ! television set4 ,t week e/abli%$ ,cavesword 9 ! c\ntry &1 except = v>i\s prie/s & m9i/]s ( ! des]t$ gods1 ! ,unit$ ,/ates 0 ,cavite4 #b ,! des]tion ( ! old e/abli%m5ts = ! new resembl$1 at uneasy mom5ts1 revolution4 ,! ,congressional ,committee1 ?\gh anti-,cavite1 did n d>e ev5 to c5sure him 444 p>tly f ! fe> ( ! va/ cr[d :i* wait$ 9 ! ,capitol plaza & p>tly f ! l>g]1 m cog5t aw>5ess t x 0 politically suicidal = any popul>ly elect$ ,repres5tative to outrage a m9ority ( su* /r5g?4 ,! he>+ fizzl$ out aft] ,cave's appe>ance & ?\gh !re 7 a few d5unciatory spee*es on ! floor ( ,congress1 no (ficial action 0 tak52 %ortly aft]w>ds ! ban on ,cave's television appe>ances 0 lift$ b by !n x 0 too late & millions ( p _h got p]man5tly into ! habit ( att5d+ weekly meet+s at ! v>i\s ,c5t]s to li/5 to ,cave1 to discuss ) ! ,resid5ts & _! /affs ! po9ts ( doctr9e 444 & doctr9e x _h become4 ,! second ye> 9 our yell[ citadel 0 m active ?an ! fir/4 ,x 0 decid$ t ,cave make no p]sonal appe>ances any:]e4 ,accord+ to ,paul1 ! my/]y w\ld be kept intact & ! leg5d w\ld gr[ "u ! mo/ auspici\s circum/ances4 ,he did n reveal 8 actual motive 9 ,cave's pres5ce b ,i 0 aw>e1 f private conv]sations we _h1 j ! two ( u1 ( ! wisdom ( 8 plan4 ,he expla9$ himself to me late "o aft]noon 9 my (fice4 8,get him 9 front ( a really ho/ile cr[d & !re'd be no tell+ :at might happ540 ,paul 0 re/lessly m>*+ ab\t ! room 9 8 %irtsleeves 444 a blunt cig> 9 8 m\? gave him ! appe>ance ( a l[]-e*elon politician4 8,!re's nev] be5 a ho/ile audi5ce yet10 ,i rem9d$ him4 8,except = ! ,congressional he>+s & ,i ?\ght he h&l$ himself q well ) !m40 8,) y\r script 9 8 head10 ,paul *uckl$ & /opp$ 8 m>* to ! fil+ cab9et by way ( t huge television scre5 :i* dom9at$ e (fice & home4 8,:at ,i mean is1 he's nev] be5 9 a debate4 ,he's nev] _h a t\gh oppon5t1 a heckl]4 ,! ,congressm5 7 pretty mild & ev5 ?\gh !y w]5't fri5dly !y /uck to easy issues4 ,b :at w\ld happ5 if ,bi%op ,w9/on got him up be=e an audi5ce8 ,w9/on's a lot sm>t] & he's ne>ly z good 9 public40 8,i suppose ,cave w\ld hypnotize him1 too40 8,n on y\r life40 ,paul ?rew himself into a *air ( flimsy *rome & pla/ic4 8,w9/on's be5 try+ to arrange a debate = ov] two ye>s4 ,he issues *all5ges e ,sunday on 8 program 7got a big audi5ce1 too 444 ?\gh n close to ours2 ,i keep *eck+ x740 8,does ,cave want to give x a try80 8,he's oblivi\s to su* ?+s4 ,i suppose he w\ld if he ?\ght ab\t x4 ,anyway x's to our advantage to keep him out ( sight4 ,let !m see only a television image1 he> only 8 record$ voice4 ,x's wond]ful copy6 ,big "t40 ,he 0 out ( ! *air & play+ ) ! knob ( ! television set3 ! scre5 0 sudd5ly fill$ ) a romantic sc5e1 a pulsat+ gre5 grotto ) wat] fall+ 9 a ?9 :ite l9e 444 s p]fect$ _h ! ma*9e become t x 0 actually l look+ ?r\gh a w9d[1 ! illusion ( dep? q p]fect & ! colors true4 ,a w>m deep voice (f-scre5 sugge/$ ! virtues ( a well-kn[n c>bonat$ dr9k4 ,paul turn$ ! swit* (f4 ,i 0 reliev$ s9ce ,i1 alone 9 ,am]ica1 0 unable to ?9k or "w or ev5 relax :ile ! scre5 0 bright ) "s o!r place4 8,he won't l x4 ,he expects next ye>1 at ! late/1 to />t 8 _w t\r40 8,p]haps !n10 said ,paul ?9ly4 8,anyway1 ! long] we put x (f ! bett]4 ,did y "k we turn away a ?\s& p a day :o come "h j to get a glimpse ( him80 8,!y see him at ! ,c5t] meet+s40 8,only our own p 444 ! ones 9 tra9+ to be ,resid5ts4 ,i keep ^? sessions c>efully scre5$4 ,e n[ & !n "s outsid] gets 9 b x's r>e40 ,i glanc$ at ! te>-%eet ( my next day's editorial2 x conta9$1 among o!r useful /ati/ics1 ! q incr$ible figures ( ,cavite memb]%ip 9 ! _w4 ,dubi\sly1 ,i read (f ! figure :i* ,paul _h giv5 me at a directors' meet+4 8,x's ab\t "r10 he said complac5tly1 com+ to a full /op at ! files4 8,we don't actually "k ! figures ( places )\t prop] ,c5t]s l ! ,lat9 c\ntries :]e we are und]go+ a bit ( p]secution4 ,b ! /ati/ics = ?is c\ntry are exact40 8,x's h>d to believe40 ,i look$ at ! figure :i* repres5t$ s _m human be+s1 s mu* div]sity1 all t\*$ by "o man4 8,less ?an ?ree ye>s44440 8,?ree m ye>s & we'll h mo/ ( ,europe too40 8,:y1 ,i wond]80 8,:y80 ,he slamm$ %ut ! cab9et draw] :i* he'd be5 exam9+4 ,he look$ at me %>ply4 8,y ( all p ask :y8 ,cavesword 444 & all y\r words too1 did ! trick4 ,t's :at4 ,we've said :at !y want$ to he> 444 j ! opposite ( my old game ( publicity :]e we said :at we want$ !m to he>4 ,?is "t x's j ! o!r way ar\nd & x's big1 ah1 x's big40 ,i c\ld agree ) t b ,i press$ him fur!r4 8,i "k :at's happ5$1 ( c\rse1 & y\r !ory is c]ta9ly correct if only because _h we said ! opposite ( :at !y want$ to he> no?+ w\ld h happ5$4 ,b ! "q 9 my m9d1 ! real ':y1' is ,cave & u4 ,:y we ( all ! p 9 ! _w8 ,cavesword1 betwe5 u & any s*ool ( philosophy1 is n new4 ,o!rs h said x m eloqu5tly4 ,9 ! pa/ x 0 a reasonably popul> h]esy :i* ! e>ly popes /amp$ out44440 8,tim+6 ,! "r man at ! "r "t say+ ! "r ?+4 ,rememb] ! piece y did on ,mohamm$44440 8,i /ole mo/ ( x40 8,s :at8 ,mo/ effective4 ,y figur$ h[ only at t "o mom5t 9 ,arabian political hi/ory c\ld su* a man h appe>$40 ,i smil$4 8,t is always ! folly ( ! '"o unique mom5t4' ,= all ,i "k su* a man c\ld h appe>$ 9 any ( a hundr$ o!r ,arab g5]ations40 8,b he nev] did except t "o "t 444 :i* proves ! po9t40 ,i let x g4 ,paul 0 at be/ n ! ideal p>tn] 9 ! p]5nial conv]sation4 8,!re is no d\bt b t ,cave's ! man10 ,i said1 neutrally4 8,n ! la/ ( ! l9e b at lea/ ! mo/ effective1 consid]+ ! %ortness ( ! mission s f>40 8,we h ! means4 ,! old p didn't4 ,e man1 woman1 & *ild 9 ?is c\ntry c see ,cave = !mselves1 & at ! same mom5t4 ,i don't suppose t5 ?\s& p saw ,*ri/ 9 action 444 x took a g5]ation = news ( him to travel f "o c\ntry to ! next40 8,p>allels break d[n10 ,i agre$4 8,x's ! reason ,i wond] s cont9ually ab\t ,cave & ourselves & :at we are do+ 9 ! _w40 8,we're do+ good4 ,! p are los+ _! fe> ( dea?4 ,la/ mon? !re 7 twelve hundr$ suicides 9 ?is c\ntry directly attributable to ,cavesword4 ,& ^! p didn't kill !mselves j because !y 7 unhappy1 !y kill$ !mselves because he _h made x easy1 ev5 desirable4 ,n[ y "k !re's nev] be5 anybody l t be=e 9 hi/ory1 any:]e40 8,i'll say n40 ,i 0 />tl$ by ! figure he _h quot$4 ,9 our ,j\rnal we 7 always report+ v>i\s prom95t suicides &1 ?\gh ,i _h giv5 ord]s to m9imize ^! volunt>y dea?s1 ,i _h be5 =c$ e n[ & !n to record ! details ( "o or ano!r ( !m4 ,b ,i'd _h no idea !re _h be5 s _m4 ,i ask$ ,paul if he 0 q sure ( ! numb]4 8,oh yes40 ,he 0 bli!4 8,at lea/ t _m we "k (40 8,i wond] if x's wise40 8,wise8 ,:at's t got to d ) x8 ,x's logical4 ,x's ! pro( ( ,cavesword4 ,dea? is f9e s :y n die80 8,:y n live80 8,x's ! same ?+40 8,i w\ld say n40 8,well1 y ought to play x up a little m anyway4 ,i meant to talk ab\t x at ! la/ directors' meet+ b !re wasn't "t40 8,does ,cave "k ab\t ?is8 ,ab\t ! ext5t44440 8,sure does40 ,paul head$ = ! door4 8,he ?9ks x's f9e4 ,proves :at he says & x gives o!r p n]ve4 ,?is ?+ is work+40 ,!re 0 no d\bt ab\t t ( c\rse4 ,x is h>d1 precisely1 to give ! s5se ( ^? two ye>s :5 ! ma9 "w got done 9 a s]ies ( toppl+ waves :i* swept into hi/ory ! rema9+ edifices ( o!r fai?s & in/itutions4 ,i _h no real fir/h& impressions ( ! c\ntry = ,i seldom /irr$ f our headqu>t]s4 ,i'd sold ! h\se on ! riv]4 ,i _h cut (f all contacts ) old fri5ds & my life1 simply1 0 ,cave4 ,i edit$ ! ,j\rnal1 or r presid$ ov] ! editors4 ,i discuss$ po9ts ( doctr9e ) ! v>i\s ,resid5ts :o came to see me 9 ! yell[ t[]4 ,!y 7 devot$ m5 & _! en?usiasm 0 he>t5+1 if n always communicable to me4 ,ea* week 0 publi%$ fur!r comm5t>ies on ,cavesword & ,i f\nd my "t grew %ort if ,i tri$ to read !m all4 ,i cont5t$ myself1 f9ally1 ) synopses prep>$ = me by ! ,j\rnal's /aff & ,i felt l a television emp]or keep+ abrea/ ( contempor>y lett]s1 b !re 0 n en\gh "t1 z x 01 9 :i* to contemplate ! great ?+s4 ,once a week we all d9$ ) ,cave4 ,except = t in=mal occasion we seldom saw him2 ?\gh he compla9$ cont9ually ab\t 8 captivity 7& x 0 exactly t2 we 7 all captives to "s degree71 he 0 *e]ful en\gh4 ,paul saw to x t he 0 kept busy all day address+ ,resid5ts & ,communicators1 answ]+ _! que/ions1 fir+ !m by ! m]e fact ( 8 pres5ce4 ,x 0 q common = /rang]s to fa9t ^u see+ him = ! fir/ "t1 z a man & n z a figure on a bit ( film4 ,he 0 good-natur$1 ?\gh occasionally emb>rass$ by ! *os5 gr\ps :i* 7 admitt$ to him4 ,he seldom talk$ privately to any ( !m1 h[ev]1 & he %[$ n ! fa9te/ int]e/ 9 _! problems1 n ev5 bo!r+ to le>n _! names4 ,he 0 only int]e/$ 9 :]e !y 7 f & ,paul1 aw>e ( ?is1 z an add$ inducem5t to keep ,cave am5able1 took to includ+ ea* gr\p at lea/ "o ,cavite f "s f> place l ,malaya or ,ceylon4 ,iris 0 busie/ ( all4 ,%e _h become1 )\t design or prep>ation1 ! head ( all ! ,cavite s*ools ?r\gh\t ! c\ntry :]e ! v>i\s ,communicators ( ,cavesword 7 tra9$1 ?\s&s ( !m ea* ye>1 9 a c\rse :i* includ$ n only ,cavesword b hi/ory & psy*ology z well4 ,!re 7 also special classes 9 television-produc+ & act+4 ,television1 f9ally1 0 ! key4 ,x 0 ! prim>y in/rum5t ( communication4 ,lat]1 ) a subs]vi5t gov]nm5t & ! aid ( m5tal !rapi/s & new drugs1 television became less necess>y b1 9 ! beg9n+1 x 0 ev]y?+4 ,cl>issa's role 01 z always1 enigmatic4 ,%e appe>$ :5 %e pleas$ & %e disappe>$ :5 %e pleas$4 ,i discov]$ t h] position among ! directors 0 due to h] possession ( ! l>ge/ s+le block ( /ock1 dat+ back to ! fir/ days4 ,dur+ ! crucial two or ?ree ye>s1 h[ev]1 %e 0 (t5 ) u m]ely = protection s9ce all our lives _h be5 proscrib$ by ! la/ remnants ( ! old *ur*es :o1 z _! dom9ion %rank1 f\ght m & m recklessly to de/roy u4 ,/okh>9 sp5t 8 days mu* l ,iris1 in/ruct+ ! ,communicators & ,c5t]-!rapi/s 9 psy*ology4 ,8 p[] ov] ,paul _h =tunately wan$ & he 0 f> m likeable3 ,paul 0 8fre$10 ,/okh>9 w\ld say ) "s satisfaction1 due to !rapy 444 & a new fa!r-image4 ,less ?an two ye>s aft] ! ,congressional he>+s1 ,paul1 9 8 devi\s way1 ent]$ politics & 9 ! foll[+ ,congressional elections1 )\t mu* ov]t campaign+ on our "p1 ! majority ( ^? elect$ to bo? ,h\ses ( ! ,congress 7 ei!r ,cavite or sympa!tic4 #c ,at la/ ,i h met him4 ,e>ly ?is ev5+ ,i w5t d[n/airs to see ! manag] ab\t an item on my bill :i* 0 incorrect4 ,i _h ?\ght t ,i %\ld be safe = ?is 0 ! "t :5 mo/ ( ! hotel gue/s are ba?+ & prep>+ = d9n]4 ,un=tunately1 ,i enc\nt]$ ,butl] & 8 newly arriv$ colleague 9 ! c5t] ( ! lobby4 ,i sudd5ly f\nd myself attempt+1 by an ef=t ( w1 v simply to vani% into smoke l "o ( ^? magicians 9 a *ild's book4 ,b ,i rema9$ all too visible4 ,i /opp$ halfway across ! lobby & wait$ = !m4 ,!y came t[>d me4 ,butl] murmur+ greet+s & introductions to ,communicator ,jessup 7soon to be ,resid5t ( ,luxor 8:5 we get und]way073 8,& ?is1 ,jack1 is ! ,mr ,hudson ,i told y ab\t40 ,! ,resid5t-to-be %ook my h& firmly4 ,he 0 n m ?an ?irty1 a lean1 d>k-ey$ mulatto ^: features & color+ appeal$ to me1 us$ z ,i n[ am to ! ,arabs2 beside him1 ,butl] look$ m r$ & gross ?an ev]4 8,butl] has told me h[ useful y've be5 to u10 said ,jessup4 ,8 voice 0 a little high b he did n h ! trick ( ov]-articulation :i* us$ to be s common among educat$ ,negroes 9 e>li] times1 a peculi>ity !y %>$ ) ,bapti/ cl]gym5 & pr(essional poets4 8,i've done :at ,i c\ld1 little z x is10 ,i said c]emoni\sly4 ,!n1 )\t prote/1 ,i all[$ !m to lead me out onto ! t]race :i* ov]look$ ! sett+ sun & ! muddy riv]4 8,we plann$ to see y :5 ,jack1 "h1 arriv$10 said ,butl] expansively :5 we 7 seat$1 a tray ( g9 & ice & tonic wat] set be=e u by a wait] :o 0 us$ n[ to ,am]ican ways4 8,b y _h ! sign on y\r door s ,i told ,jack we'd bett] wait1 till ,mr ,hudson is feel+ bett]4 ,y are okay n[1 ar5't y80 8,some:at bett]10 ,i said1 enjoy+ ! ,briti% g93 ,i'd _h none s9ce ,i left ,cairo4 8,at my age "o is ei!r dead or all "r4 ,i seem n to be dead40 8,h[ ,i envy y60 said ,jessup solemnly4 ,8 voice ?\gh high 0 /rong4 8,envy me80 ,= a mom5t ,i did n q und]/&4 8,to be s ne> ! bless$ /ate6 ,n to see ! sun aga9 & feel ! body quiv]+ ) corrupt life 444 oh1 :at ,i %\ld give to be z old z y60 8,y c\ld always commit suicide10 ,i said irritably1 =gett+ my role z an amiable s(t-head$ old cret94 ,?is /opp$ him = only ! space ( a s+le surpris$ brea?4 8,cavesway is n possible = 8 s]vants10 he said at la/1 pati5tly4 8,y h n p]haps foll[$ 8 logic z c>efully z y might _h y be5 liv+ 9 ! civiliz$ _w40 ,he look$ at me ) 8 bright d>k eyes inscrutably focus$4 ,:y are y "h8 ,i want$ to ask furi\sly1 f9ally1 b ,i only nodd$ my head meekly & said1 8,s mu* has *ang$ s9ce ,i came out "h4 ,i d recall1 ?\gh1 t ,cavesway 0 consid]$ desirable = all40 8,x is 444 b n = 8 s]vants :o mu/1 ?r\gh liv+1 sacrifice _! com=t 444 x is our humiliation1 our m>tyrdom 9 8 behalf4 ,ev5 ! humble/ man or woman c avail !mselves ( ,cavesway unlike u1 8 s]vants1 :o mu/ live1 disgu/+ z ! prospect is1 made be>able only by ! k t we are do+ 8 "w1 communicat+ 8 ^w40 8,:at c\rage x mu/ take to give up ,cavesway60 ,i inton$ ) rev]5t awe4 8,x is ! lea/ we c d = him40 ,! bright sun resembl$ t r$-gold disk :i* sits on ! br[ ( ,horus4 ,a hot w9d ( ,numidia /irr$ ! dry foliage ab\t u4 ,i c\ld smell ! metallic odor ( ! ,nile's wat]4 ,a muezz9 call$1 high & toneless 9 ! ev5+4 8,be=e ,i slip (f into ! bett] /ate10 ,i said at la/1 embold5$ by g91 8,i %\ld l to "k z mu* z possible ab\t ! new _w ! ,cavites h made4 ,i left ! ,unit$ ,/ates %ortly aft] ,cave took 8 way4 ,i h nev] be5 back40 8,h[ soon aft]80 ,! "q came too fa/4 ,i gripp$ ! arms ( my *air tightly4 8,two ye>s aft]1 ,i ?9k10 ,i said4 8,i came to ,cairo = ! digg+ out 9 ,el ,abul40 8,h[ c\ld y h miss$ ^? excit+ ye>s80 ,jessup's voice became zeal\s4 ,i rema9$ on gu>d4 8,i 0 n ev5 born !n 444 & ,i've always curs$ my bad luck4 ,i us$ to g ab\t talk+ to complete /rang]s :o _h be5 alive 9 ^? great ye>s4 ,( c\rse mo/ 7 laym5 & knew little ab\t ! ?+s ,i _h /udi$ b !y c\ld tell me h[ ! sky look$ ! day he took 8 way4 ,&1 e n[ & !n1 x 0 possible to meet someone :o _h se5 him40 8,n _m laym5 ev] saw him10 ,i said4 8,i rememb] ) :at secrecy all 8 movem5ts 7 envelop$4 ,i 0 9 ,new ,york mu* ( ! "t :5 he 0 !re40 8,9 ,new ,york60 ,jessup sigh$ voluptu\sly4 8,y saw him too1 didn't y1 ,mr ,hudson80 ,butl] 0 obvi\sly eag] t ,i make a good impression4 8,oh yes1 ,i saw him ! day he 0 9 ,wa%+ton4 ,"o ( 8 few public appe>ances6 ,i 0 v dev\t 9 ^? days4 ,i am n[ too1 ( c\rse10 ,i add$ ha/ily4 8,b 9 ^? days :5 x 0 all new "o 01 well1 exalt$ by ,cavesword4 ,i made a special trip to ,wa%+ton j to get a glimpse ( him40 ,i play$ z resolutely z possible ^u _! passionate fai?4 8,did y really see him80 ,i %ook my head sadly4 8,only a quick blur z he drove away4 ,! cr[d 0 too big & ! police 7 all ar\nd him40 8,i h ( c\rse reliv$ t mom5t 9 ! libr>y1 wat*+ ! films1 b actually to h be5 !re t day44440 ,jessup's voice trail$ (f z he contemplat$ ! ext5t ( my good =tune4 8,!n aft]w>ds1 aft] 8 dea?1 ,i left = ,egypt & ,i've nev] be5 back40 8,y miss$ great days40 8,i'm sure ( t4 ,yet ,i feel ! be/ days 7 be=e1 :5 ,i 0 9 ,new ,york & ea* week !re w\ld be a new revelation ( 8 wisdom40 8,y are q "r10 said ,jessup1 p\r+ himself m g94 8,y\rs 0 ! f9] "t ev5 ?\gh ^? ( u :o feel drawn to ! "m mu/ decl>e t lat] days possess$ "s virtue too1 on h] acc\nt40 8,"m80 ,i knew ( c\rse be=e he answ]$ :at _h happ5$4 8,z ,cave 0 ! fa!r ( our k1 s ,iris is its "m10 said ,jessup4 ,he look$ at ,butl] ) a half-smile4 8,( c\rse !re are "s1 ! majority 9 fact1 ( ! ,communicators :o deprecate our allegiance to ! "m1 n realiz+ t x enhances r ?an detracts f ,cave4 ,aft] all1 ! ,^w & ! ,way are entirely 840 ,butl] *uckl$4 8,!re's be5 a little family dispute10 he said4 8,we keep x out ( ! press because x really isn't ! conc]n ( anybody b u1 ,cave's s]vants4 ,don't m9d talk+ to y ab\t x s9ce y'll be dead soon anyway & up "h we're all 9 ! same boat1 all ,cavites4 ,anyway1 "s ( ! y\ng] fell[s1 ! bright ones l ,jessup1 h got atta*$ to ,iris 444 n t we don't all love h] equally4 ,x's j t !y've got 9 ! habit ( talk+ ab\t dea? be+ ! womb aga91 all t k9d ( /uff )\t any real basis 9 ,cave40 8,x runs all ?r\gh 8 "w1 ,bill4 ,x's implicit 9 all t he said40 ,jessup 0 amiable b ,i s5s$ a h>dness 9 8 tone4 ,x _h come to ?is1 ,i ?\ght4 8,well1 we won't argue ab\t x10 said ,butl]1 turn+ to me ) a smile4 8,y %\ld see :at ^! ,irisians c d ) a ,cavite text4 ,by ! "t !y f9i% y don't "k :e!r y're com+ or go+40 8,7 y at all active 9 ! ,mission80 ask$ ,jessup1 abruptly *ang+ ! subject4 ,i %ook my head4 8,i 0 "o ( ! e>ly admir]s ( ,cave b ,i'm afraid ,i _h v little contact ) any ( 8 p4 ,i tri$ once or twice to get 9 to see him 444 :5 !y 7 9 ! yell[ t[]1 b x 0 impossible4 ,only ! ,resid5ts & p l t ev] got to see him p]sonally40 8,he 0 busy ^? days10 said ,jessup1 nodd+4 8,he mu/ h dictat$ ne>ly two million words 9 ! la/ ?ree ye>s ( 8 life40 8,y ?9k he wrote all ^? books & dialogues himself80 8,( c\rse he did40 ,jessup s\nd$ surpris$4 8,hav5't y read ,iris's acc\nts ( ! way he work$8 ,! way he w\ld dictate = h\rs at a "t1 oblivi\s ( ev]y?+ b ,cavesword40 8,i suppose ,i miss$ all t10 ,i mumbl$4 8,9 ^? days x 0 always assum$ t he _h a /aff :o did ! "w = him40 8,! lu!ri/s10 said ,jessup1 nodd+4 8,!y 7 extremely subtle 9 _! me?ods b ( c\rse !y c\ldn't di/ort ! tru? = v long44440 8,oh10 said ,butl]4 8,mr ,hudson ask$ me ! o!r day if ,i knew :at ! ^w lu!ri/ came f & ,i said ,i didn't "k4 ,i mu/ h =gott5 = ,i h a feel+ x 0 taught u1 back 9 ! old days :5 we primitives 7 turn$ out1 be=e y bright "y fell[s came along to %[ u h[ to d ,caveswork40 ,jessup smil$4 8,we're n t bumpti\s10 he said4 8,z = lu!ri/1 x's a ^w bas$ on ! "n ( "o ( ! fir/ foll[]s ( ,cave4 ,i don't "k 8 o!r "n or ev5 mu* ab\t him4 ,all t ,i "k ,i've be5 told 444 z f> z ,i rememb]1 ! episode 0 nev] ev5 record$4 ,mu* too disagreeable 444 & ( c\rse we don't l to dwell on our failures40 8,i wond] :at x 0 t he did10 ,i ask$1 my voice trembl+ despite all ef=ts to control x4 8,he 0 a noncon=mi/ ( "s k9d4 ,he qu>rel$ ) ,iris1 !y say40 8,wond] :at happ5$ to him80 ask$ ,butl]4 8,did !y s5d him ?r\gh indoctr9ation80 8,no1 z f> z ,i "k40 ,jessup paus$4 ,:5 he spoke aga9 8 voice 0 ?\ghtful4 8,accord+ to ! /ory ,i he>d 444 leg5d really 444 he disappe>$4 ,!y nev] f\nd him & ?\gh we've wisely remov$ all record ( him1 8 "n is /ill us$ to describe our failures3 ^? among u1 t is1 :o refuse ,cavesword )\t indoctr9ation4 ,some:]e1 !y say1 he is liv+1 9 hid+1 wait+ to undo ,caveswork4 ,z ,cave 0 ! anti-,*ri/ s he1 or r ano!r l him1 w attempt to de/roy u40 8,n mu* *ance ( t40 ,butl]'s voice 0 confid5t4 8,anyway1 if he 0 a contempor>y ( ,cave he mu/ be dead by n[40 8,n necess>ily4 ,aft] all ,mr ,hudson 0 a contempor>y & he is /ill alive40 ,jessup look$ at me !n2 8 eyes1 9 a bur/ ( obsidian light1 caught ! sun's la/ rays4 ,i ?9k he kn[s4 #d ,!re's n mu* "t left & ,i mu/ proce$ z swiftly z possible to ! dea? ( ,cave & my own exile4 ,! ye> ( ,cave's dea? 0 n only a ye> ( triumph b "o ( t]ror z well4 ,! c\nt](f5sive rea*$ its peak 9 ^? busy mon?s1 & we 7 all 9 dang] ( our lives4 ,9 ! ,s\?1 gr\ps ( ,bapti/s /orm$ ! new ,c5t]s1 demoli%+ !m & kill+1 9 sev]al in/ances1 ! ,resid5ts4 ,despite our prote/s & ?reats ( reprisal1 _m /ate gov]nm5ts refus$ to protect ! ,cavite ,c5t]s & ,paul 0 =c$ to enli/ a small army to def5d our e/abli%m5ts 9 ^? areas :i* 7 /ill dom9at$ by ! old religions4 ,sev]al attempts 7 made to de/roy our ,new ,york headqu>t]s2 =tunately1 !y 7 all appreh5d$ be=e any damage c\ld be done ?\gh "o fanatic1 a ,ca?olic1 got z f> z ,paul's (fice :]e he ?rew a gr5ade into a wa/e-basket1 kill+ himself & slightly scrat*+ ,paul :o _h1 9 8 usual fa%ion1 be5 travel+ n]v\sly ab\t ! room1 gett+ out ( range at ! prop] mom5t4 ,! election ( a ,cavite-dom9at$ ,congress eas$ ?+s = u consid]ably1 ?\gh x made our enemies all ! m desp]ate4 ,paul f\ght back4 ,bi%op ,w9/on1 ! mo/ eloqu5t ( ! ,*ri/ian prelates & ! mo/ dang]\s to u1 _h di$1 giv+ rise to ! rumor1 soon aft]w>ds confirm$ by ,cavite au?ority to be a fact1 t he _h kill$ himself & t1 !re=e1 he _h f9ally r5\nc$ ,*ri/ & tak5 to himself ,cavesword4 ,_m ( ! cl]gy ( ! ,prote/ant sects1 aw>e t _! p>i%ion]s & au?ority 7 fall+ away1 became1 quietly1 )\t gloat+ on our "p1 ,cavite ,resid5ts & ,communicators4 ,! bloodie/ p]secutions1 h[ev]1 did n occur 9 ,nor? ,am]ica4 ,! ,lat9 c\ntries1 ! seat ( ! old ,ca?olic p[] :i* 0 itself ! %ad[ ( ! ,roman ,empire1 provid$ ! _w ) a s]ies ( massacres rem>kable ev5 9 t murd]\s c5tury4 ,yet x 0 a fact t 9 ! ye> ( ,cave's dea?1 ,italy 0 half-,cavite :ile ,france1 ,engl& & ,g]many 7 ne>ly all ,cavite :ile only ,spa9 & p>ts ( ,lat9 ,am]ica held out1 imprison+1 execut+1 deport+ ,cavites aga9/ ! inevitable day :5 our ,communicators1 undismay$1 pr\d 9 _! m>tyrdom1 w\ld succe$ 9 _! assaults ^u ^! la/ citadels ( paganism4 ,on a hot day 9 ,augu/1 our ?ird & la/ autumn 9 ! yell[ t[]1 we d9$ on ! t]race ( ,cave's p5?\se ov]look+ ! city4 ,! bright sky %udd]$ ) heat4 ,cl>issa1 :o _h j come f abroad :]e %e _h be5 enjoy+ sev]al seasons "u ! guise ( an (ficial t\r ( reconnaissance1 0 entirely ! gue/ ( honor4 ,%e sat we>+ a l>ge picture hat b5ea? ! /rip$ awn+ :i* %elt]$ our glass-topp$ table f ! sun's rays4 ,cave insi/$ on eat+ out-(-doors z (t5 z possible ev5 ?\gh ! re/ ( u pref]r$ ! cool int]ior :]e we 7 n di/urb$ by ei!r heat or by ! cl\ds ( soot :i* float$ above ! imp]ial city1 imp>tially light+ ^u all :o v5tur$ out into ! op54 ,x 0 our fir/ 8family d9n]0 9 "s mon?s 7,paul insi/$ on reg>d+ u z a family & ! metaphors :i* he d]iv$ f ?is "o conceit us$ ev5 to irritate ! imp]turbable ,cave74 ,at "o end ( ! table sat ,cl>issa1 ) ,paul & me on ei!r side ( h]2 at ! o!r end sat ,cave1 ) ,iris & ,/okh>9 on ei!r side ( him2 ,iris 0 on 8 left & on my "r &1 e>ly 9 ! d9n]1 :5 ! conv]sation 0 p>ticul>1 we talk$4 8,i suppose we'll be leav+ soon10 %e said4 ,a sea gull miss$ ! awn+ by in*es4 8,i hav5't he>d any?+ ab\t x4 ,:o's leav+ 444 & :y80 8,john ?9ks we've all be5 "h too long2 he ?9ks we're too remote40 8,he's q "r ab\t t40 ,i blew soot (f my plate4 8,b :]e are we to g8 ,aft] all1 !re's a good *ance t if any ( u %[s 8 head to ! grateful populace someone is apt to bl[ x (f40 8,t's a risk we h to take4 ,b ,john is "r4 ,we mu/ get out & see ! p 444 talk to !m direct40 ,h] voice 0 urg5t4 ,i look$ at h] ?\ghtfully1 see+ ! *ange t ?ree ye>s ( extraord9>y activity _h wr\ght3 %e 0 ov]weight & h] face1 z sometimes happ5s 9 ! fir/ access ( weight1 0 smoo?1 )\t l9es1 y\ng]-look+ b also )\t mu* "* or expression 444 ,i kept ?9k+ irrelevantly ( a m>%mall[ =1 9 ! light ( day1 h] casually made-up face did resemble a pale smoo?ly p[d]$ confection4 ,h] wond]ful %>pness1 h] old f95ess 0 entirely gone & ! new ,iris1 ! busy1 effici5t ,iris _h become l 444 l 444 ,i grop$ = ! comp>ison1 ! memory ( someone simil> ,i _h kn[n 9 ! pa/1 b ! gho/ did n mat]ialize2 & s haunt$1 fa9tly di/rait1 ,i talk$ to ! new ,iris ,i did n really "k1 to ! visible half ( a l-pair ^: tw9 0 lo/ some:]e 9 my memory4 8,i'll be only too happy to leave10 ,i said1 help+ myself to ! salad :i* 0 be+ s]v$ u by "o or ! ,eurasian s]vants ,paul1 9 an exotic mood1 _h engag$ to look aft] ! p5?\se & ! p]son ( ,cave4 8,i don't ?9k ,i've be5 away f "h half a doz5 times 9 two ye>s40 8,x's be5 awfully h>d10 ,iris agre$4 ,h] eyes %ift$ regul>ly to ,cave1 l an anxi\s p>5t4 8,( c\rse ,i've _h m *ance ?an anyone to get out b ,i hav5't se5 ne>ly z mu* z ,i ought4 ,x's my job1 really1 to look at all ! ,c5t]s1 to sup]vise 9 p]son all ! s*ools b ( c\rse ,i c't if ,paul insi/s on turn+ e trip ,i take into a k9d ( pageant40 8,x's = y\r own protection40 8,i ?9k we're mu* saf] ?an ,paul ?9ks4 ,! c\ntry's almo/ entirely ,cavite40 8,all ! m reason to be c>eful4 ,! die-h>ds are on _! la/ legs2 !y're maniacal1 "s ( !m40 8,well1 we mu/ take our *ances4 ,john says he won't /ay "h ano!r autumn4 ,septemb] is 8 be/ mon?1 y "k4 ,i ?9k he's a little sup]/iti\s ab\t x3 x 0 ,septemb] :5 he fir/ spoke ,cavesword40 8,:at does ,paul say80 ,i look$ d[n ! table at our r+ma/] :o 0 tell+ ,cl>issa :at %e _h se5 9 ,europe4 ,iris fr[n$4 8,he's do+ ev]y?+ he c to keep u "h 444 ,i c't ?9k :y4 ,john's greate/ "w has be5 done face to face ) p yet ,paul acts z if he didn't d>e let him out 9 public4 ,we h qu>rel$ ab\t ?is = ov] a ye>4 ,paul & ,i40 8,he's q "r4 ,i "k4 ,i'd be n]v\s to g ab\t 9 public )\t "s sort ( protection4 ,y %\ld see ! murd]\s lett]s ,i get at ! ,j\rnal40 8,we've no?+ to fe>10 said ,iris flatly4 8,& we h ev]y?+ to ga9 by mix+ ) p4 ,we c\ld easily gr[ out ( t\*1 m>oon$ 9 ?is t[]40 8,oh1 x's n t bad40 ,to my surprise1 ,i f\nd myself def5d+ our mona/ic life4 8,ev]yone comes "h4 ,cave speaks to gr\ps ( ! fai?ful e day4 ,i sit l "s di%evel$ h5 ov] a l>ge newspap] & ,i c\ldn't be m in/ruct$1 m engag$ 9 life1 :ile y da% ar\nd ! c\ntry almo/ z mu* z ,paul does40 8,b only see+ ! ,c5t]s1 only meet+ ! ,cavites4 ,i h no o!r life any m40 ,i look$ at h] curi\sly4 ,!re 0 no bitt]ness 9 h] voice yet !re 0 a c]ta9 wi/fulness :i* ,i'd nev] notic$ be=e4 8,d y regret all ?is1 ,iris80 ,i ask$4 ,x _h be5 "s "t1 ?ree ye>s1 s9ce ,i _h spok5 to h] ( ourselves1 ( p]sonal matt]s3 we _h become1 9 a s5se1 ! (fices :i* we held2 our symbolic selves p>alyz+ all else )91 true prec$5t a*iev$ at a great co/4 ,n[ a fissure _h sudd5ly appe>$ 9 t monum5t :i* ,iris _h become &1 ?r\gh ! flaw1 ,i he>d aga91 briefly1 ! voice ( ! girl ,i _h met on ! bank ( ! ,hudson 9 ! spr+ ( a lo/ ye>4 8,i nev] knew x w\ld be l ?is10 %e said1 almo/ :isp]+1 h] eyes on ,cave :ile %e spoke to me4 8,i nev] ?\ght my life w\ld be z alone z ?is1 all "w40 8,yet y want$ x3 y d want x4 ,direction1 mean+1 y want$ all t & n[ y h x4 ,! magic work$1 ,iris4 ,y\r magician 0 real40 8,b ,i sometimes wond] if ,i am real anymore40 ,! words1 ?\gh s(tly spok51 fell ^u my e> l r\nd$ /ones1 smoo? & h>d4 8,x's too late10 ,i said1 m]cilessly4 8,y are :at y want$ to be4 ,live x out1 ,iris4 ,!re is no?+ else40 8,y're dead too10 %e said at la/1 h] voice rega9+ its usual au?ority4 8,speak+ ( dead10 said ,cave sudd5ly turn+ t[>d u 7,i hop$ he _h n he>d all our conv]sation71 8,/okh>9 "h has come up ) a wond]ful s*eme40 ,ev5 ,cl>issa fell sil5t4 ,we all did :5ev] ,cave spoke :i* 0 seldom on social occasions4 ,cave look$ *e]fully ab\t ! table = a mom5t4 ,/okh>9 beam$ ) pleasure at ! accolade4 8,y've probably all he>d ab\t ! suicides z a result ( ,cavesword40 ,cave _h v e>ly got into ! habit ( speak+ ( himself 9 ! ?ird p]son :5ev] a po9t or doctr9e 0 involv$4 8,paul's be5 collect+ ! mon?ly figures & ea* mon? !y d\ble4 ,( c\rse !y're n accurate s9ce !re are a good _m dea?s due to ,cavesword :i* we don't he> ab\t4 ,anyway1 ,/okh>9 has p]fect$ a pa9less dea? by poison1 a new comp\nd :i* kills )9 an h\r & is delightful to take40 8,i h comb9$ c]ta9 n>cotics :i* toge!r insure a highly exhil>at$ /ate be=e ! end1 z well z mo/ pleasant fantasies40 ,/okh>9 smil$ complac5tly4 ,cave nodd$ & cont9u$4 8,i've already work$ out "s ( ! practical details = putt+ ?is into action4 ,!re are /ill a lot ( wr9kles1 b we c iron !m out 9 "t4 ,"o ( ! big problems ( pres5t-day unorganiz$ suicide is ! mess x causes = ! p un=tunate en\gh to be left beh9d4 ,!re are legal complications2 !re is occasionally grief 9 old-fa%ion$ family gr\ps2 !re is also a g5]al di/urbance :i*1 ?\gh only social1 /ill t5ds to leave a bad ta/e1 giv+ suicide1 at lea/ among ! reaction>ies1 a bad "n4 8,our plan is simple4 ,we w provide at ea* ,c5t] full faculties = ^? :o h li/5$ to ,cavesword & h respond$ to x by tak+ ! bett] way4 ,!re w be a numb] ( com=table rooms :]e ! suicidali/ may receive 8 fri5ds = a la/ visit4 ,we'll provide legal assi/ance to put 8 affairs 9 ord]4 ,n ev]yone ( c\rse w be wor?y ( u4 ,^? :o *oose dea? m]ely to evade responsibility w be c5sur$ & re/ra9$4 ,b ! des]v+1 ^? ^: lives h be5 devot$ & ord]ly1 may come to u & receive ! gift40 ,i 0 appall$2 be=e ,i c\ld control myself ,i _h said3 8,b ! law6 ,y j c't let p kill !mselves44440 8,:y n80 ,cave look$ at me coldly & ,i saw1 9 ! eyes ( ! o!rs1 conc]n & ho/ility4 ,i _h anticipat$ some?+ l ?is ev] s9ce my talk ) ,paul b ,i _h n ?\ght x w\ld come s swiftly or s boldly4 ,paul spoke = ,cave4 8,we've got ! ,congress & ! ,congress w make a law = u4 ,= ! "t be+1 ?\gh1 x is aga9/ ! pres5t /atutes2 h[ev]1 we've be5 assur$ by our lawy]s t !re isn't mu* *ance ( _! be+ invok$ except p]haps 9 ! rema9+ pockets ( ,*ri/ianity :]e we'll g sl[ until we d h ! necess>y laws to protect u40 ,at t mom5t ! l9e :i* _h1 f ! v beg9n+1 be5 visibly drawn betwe5 me & !m1 became a wall app>5t to ev]yone4 ,ev5 ,cl>issa1 my usual ally1 fe>less & %>p1 did n speak out4 ,!y look$ at me1 all ( !m await+ a sign2 ev5 ,cave reg>d$ me ) curiosity4 ,my h& %ook & ,i 0 =c$ to seize ! edge ( ! table to /eady myself4 ,! s5sation ( cold glass & iron gave me a sudd5 c\rage4 ,i br\ght ,cave's life to its end4 ,i turn$ to him & said1 quietly1 ) all ! firmness ,i c\ld summon3 8,!n y'll h to die z well z !y1 & soon40 ,!re 0 a %ock$ sil5ce4 ,iris %ut h] eyes4 ,paul gasp$ & sat back abruptly 9 8 *air4 ,cave turn$ :ite b he did n fl9*4 ,8 eyes did n wav]4 ,!y seiz$ on m9e1 t]rible & remote1 full ( p[]2 ) an ef=t1 ,i look$ pa/ him4 ,i /ill fe>$ 8 gaze4 8,:at did y say80 ,! voice 0 curi\sly mild yet x increas$ r ?an dim9i%$ ! t5sion4 ,we _h rea*$ ! crisis1 )\t a plan4 8,y h remov$ ! fe> ( dea? = :i* future g5]ations w ?ank y1 z ,i d4 ,b y h gone too f> 444 all ( y40 ,i look$ ab\t me at ! pale faces2 a fa9t wisp ( new moon curl$ 9 ! pale sky above4 8,life is to be liv$ until ! fle% no long] supports ! life )94 ,! mean+ ( life1 ,cave1 is m life1 n dea?4 ,! enemy ( life is dea?1 an enemy n to be fe>$ b no less ho/ile = all t1 no less dang]\s1 no less wrong :5 ! liv+ *oose x in/ead ( life1 ei!r = !mselves or = o!rs4 ,y've be5 able to dispel our fe> ( ! common adv]s>y2 t 0 y\r great "w 9 ! _w 444 n[ y want to g fur!r1 to make love to ?is enemy we no long] fe>1 to mate ) dea? 444 & x is "h t y1 all ( y1 become ! enemies ( life40 8,/op x60 ,iris's voice 0 high & cle>4 ,i did n look at h]4 ,all t ,i c\ld d n[ 0 to =ce ! climax4 8,b soon] or lat] e act ( human folly creates its own opposition4 ,?is w too1 m soon ?an late1 = if "o c make any g5]ality ab\t human be+s x is t !y want n to die4 ,y _c /amp$e !m into dea? = long4 ,!y are en?usia/ic n[4 ,!y may n be soon 444 unless ( c\rse !re is "s supreme example be=e !m1 "o :i* y1 ,cave1 c alone supply4 ,y w h to die by y\r own h& to %[ ! virtue & ! tru? ( all t y h said40 ,i _h gone z f> z ,i c\ld4 ,i glanc$ at ,iris :ile ,i spoke2 %e _h gr[n :ite & old-look+ &1 :ile ,i wat*$ h]1 ,i realiz$ :om x 0 %e resembl$1 ! obscure nagg+ memory :i* _h di/urb$ me all ?r\gh d9n]3 %e 0 l my "m1 a woman long dead1 "o ^: g5tle blurr$ features _h be5 /rik+ly simil> to t fright5$ face :i* n[ />$ at me z ?\gh ,i 7 a murd]]4 ,paul 0 ! "o :o answ]$ me4 8,y're out ( y\r m9d1 ,g5e10 he said1 :5 my mean+ _h at lea/ p5etrat$ to !m all4 8,x doesn't foll[ 9 ! lea/ t ,cave mu/ die because o!rs want to4 ,! ma9 "w is /ill ahead ( him4 ,?is c\ntry is only a corn] ( ! _w4 ,!re's "s ( ,europe & mo/ ( ,asia & ,africa /ill ahead ( u4 ,h[ c y ev5 sugge/ he quit n[ & die80 8,! "w w be done :e!r he lives or n1 z y c]ta9ly "k4 ,he's giv5 x ! fir/ impetus4 ,! re/ is up to ! o!rs1 to ! ambiti\s1 ! inspir$ 444 we've met en\gh ( !m ^! la/ few ye>s3 !y're q capable ( f9i%+ ! "w )\t u40 8,b x's no?+ )\t ,cave40 ,i %rugg$4 ,i 0 sudd5ly reliev$ z ! re/ra9t ( ?ree furi\s ye>s w5t 9 a ru%4 8,i am z devot$ to ,cave z anyone10 ,i said 7& ,i 01 ,i ?9k1 hone/74 8,i don't want him to die b all ( y 9 y\r madness h made x impossible = him to live4 ,he's gone n[ to ! limit1 to ! la/ b\nd>y3 he is ! son ( dea? & ea* ( y supports him4 ,i don't1 = x 0 only my wi% to make life bett]1 n dea? desirable4 ,i nev] really believ$ x w\ld come to ?is3 t y1 ,cave1 w\ld speak out = dea?1 aga9/ life40 ,i rais$ my eyes to 84 ,to my a/oni%m5t he _h l[]$ 8 lids z ?\gh to hide f me1 to %ut me out4 ,8 head 0 %ak+ oddly f left to "r & 8 lips 7 press$ tight toge!r4 ,i /ruck aga91 )\t m]cy4 8,b don't /op n[4 ,y've got y\r wi%4 ,by all means1 build palaces if y l = ^? :o *oose to die 9 y\r "n4 ,b rememb] t y w be _! victim1 too4 ,! victim ( _! passionate tru/4 ,!y w =ce y to lead ! way & y mu/ be dea?'s lov]1 ,cave40 ,he op5$ 8 eyes & ,i 0 %ock$ to see !m full ( te>s4 8,i'm n afraid10 he said4 ,,n9e #a ,a few days aft] our disa/r\s d9n]1 ,cl>issa came to me 9 my (fice4 ,x 0 our fir/ real meet+ s9ce h] return f ,europe4 ,x 0 also my fir/ meet+ ) any "o ( ! directors =1 s9ce ! sc5e on ! p5?\se t]race1 none _h come ne> me1 n ev5 ,paul :om ,i usually saw at lea/ once a day4 ,cl>issa seem$ tir$ b fa%ionable 9 summ] lace4 ,%e sat d[n heavily 9 ! *air beside my desk & look$ at me oddly4 8,recrim9ations80 ,i ask$ *e]fully3 ! rec5t outbur/ _h re/or$ me to p]fect heal? & equanimity4 ,i 0 prep>$ = any?+1 especially battle4 8,y're an absolute fool & y "k x10 %e said at la/4 8,i suppose !re are wires 9 "h1 record+ ev]y?+ we say40 8,i %\ldn't be surpris$4 ,=tunately1 ,i h no secrets40 8,!re's no d\bt ( t10 %e gl>$ at me4 8,!re 0 no ne$ to ru% ?+s40 8,y mean y anticipat$ ?is80 8,:at else8 ,:]e else c\ld x lead8 ,! same ?+ happ5$ to ,*ri/1 y "k4 ,!y kept pu%+ him to claim ! k+dom4 ,f9ally1 !y pu%$ too h>d & he 0 kill$4 ,x 0 ! kill+ :i* p]petuat$ ! leg5d40 8,& a numb] ( o!r ?+s40 8,9 any case1 x's all gone too f>4 ,also1 ,i don't ?9k y ev5 beg9 to see :at y've done40 8,done8 ,i've m]ely br\ght ! :ole ?+ into ! op5 444 z well z put myself on record z be+ oppos$ to ?is 444 ?is passion = dea?40 8,t ( c\rse is nons5se4 ,j because a few nitwits44440 8,a few8 ,h y se5 ! /ati/ics8 ,e mon? !re are a few hundr$ m & z soon z ,/okh>9 gets 8 damn$ roadh\ses = w\ld-be suicides go+ we may f9d t44440 8,i always assum$ ,paul made up ! /ati/ics4 ,b ev5 if !y are true1 ev5 if a few hundr$ ?\s& p decide to slip away e ye>1 ,i am 9 favor ( x4 ,!re are too _m p z x is & mo/ ( !m ar5't wor? ! room !y take up4 ,i suspect all ?is is j "o ( nature's little devices to r$uce ! population 444 l p$]a/y on ^? ,greek isl&s40 8,y're outrage\s40 8,i'm p]fectly rational :i* is m ?an ,i c say = y4 ,anyway1 ! reason ,i've come to see y today is1 fir/1 to w>n y &1 second1 to say good-by40 8,good-by8 ,y're n44440 8,go+ to kill myself80 %e laugh$4 8,n 9 a hundr$ ye>s 444 ?\gh ,i mu/ say lately ,i've begun to feel old4 ,no1 ,i'm go+ away4 ,i've told ,paul t ,i've _h my fun1 t y're all on y\r own & t ,i want no "p ( :at's to come40 8,:]e w y g80 8,:o kn[s8 ,n[ = ! w>n+3 ,paul ( c\rse is furi\s at y & s is ,iris40 8,p]fectly und]/&able4 ,:at did he say80 8,no?+ good4 ,i talk$ to him ?is morn+4 ,i won't enrage y by repeat+ all ! expletives2 x's en\gh to say he's eag] to get y out ( ! way4 ,he feels y've be5 a malcont5t all along40 8,he'll h tr\ble gett+ me to take ,/okh>9's magic pill40 8,he may n leave x up to y10 said ,cl>issa significantly1 &1 inadv]t5tly1 ,i %udd]$4 ,i _h ( c\rse wond]$ if !y w\ld d>e g s f>4 ,i _h d\bt$ x b ! matt]-(-fact ,cl>issa enlight5$ me4 8,wat* out = him1 especially if he becomes fri5dly4 ,y mu/ rememb] t ) ! c\ntry ,cavite & ) ,paul 9 *>ge ( ! organization y hav5't mu* *ance40 8,i'll take :at ,i h40 ,cl>issa look$ at me )\t1 ,i c\ld see1 mu* hope2 x 0 disagreeable4 8,:at y don't "k1 & ?is is my la/ good de$ = 9 a s5se ,i'm responsible = gett+ y into ?is1 is t y accid5tally gave ! game away40 8,:at d y mean80 8,i mean t ,paul has be5 plann+ = ov] a ye> to d away ) ,cave4 ,he feels t ,cave's usefulness is ov]2 he's also uneasy ab\t lett+ him loose 9 ! _w4 ,paul wants full control ( ! e/abli%m5t & he c't h x :ile ,cave lives4 ,paul also realizes 444 he's mu* clev]] ?an y've ev] ?\ght1 by ! way 444 t ! ,cavites ne$ a symbol1 "s great sacrifice & obvi\sly ,cave's suicide is ! answ]4 ,x is ,paul's int5tion ei!r to get ,cave to kill himself or else to d x = him & !n ann\nce t ,cave1 ( 8 own free w1 *ose to die40 ,i _h ! brief s5sation ( a man dr[n+4 8,h[ d y "k all ?is80 8,i h two eyes2 also1 ,iris told me40 8,%e kn[s too80 8,( c\rse %e kn[s6 ,:y else d y ?9k %e's s anxi\s to get ,cave away f ?is place8 ,%e kn[s ,paul c h him kill$ at any "t & no "o w\ld be ! wis]40 ,i grunt$ ) amazem5t3 ,i und]/ood n[ :at x 0 t _h happ5$ on ! t]race4 ,i felt a p]fect fool4 ,( !m all ,i alone _h be5 unaw>e ( :at 0 go+ on b5ea? ! surface &1 9 my folly1 ,i _h detonat$ ! situation )\t kn[+ x4 8,he kn[s too80 ,i ask$ weakly4 8,( c\rse he does2 he's on 8 gu>d e m9ute aga9/ ,paul40 8,:y has no "o ev] told me ?is80 ,cl>issa %rugg$4 8,!y _h no idea :i* side y'd take4 ,!y /ill don't "k4 ,paul believes t y are ) him & ?\gh he curses y = an impetu\s fool1 he's decid$ t p]haps x's a good idea n[ to br+ all ?is into ! op51 at lea/ among ourselves4 ,he hopes = a majority vote 9 ! directors' meet+ to =ce ,cave to kill himself40 8,& ,cave80 8,has no wi% to die 444 s5sible man40 8,i am a fool40 8,:at ,i've always told y1 de>40 ,cl>issa smil$ at me4 8,i w say1 ?\gh1 t y are ! only "o ( ! lot :o has act$ = an imp]sonal reason1 & c]ta9ly none ( !m und]/&s y except me4 ,i am on y\r side1 9 a way4 ,volunt>y dea?s don't al>m me ! way !y d y b ?is obsession :i* ,cave has ( dea? be+ pref]able to life may h gha/ly consequ5ces40 8,:at c ,i d80 8,i hav5't ! fa9te/ idea4 ,x's en\gh t y 7 w>n$ 9 advance40 8,:at w\ld y d80 8,exactly :at ,i'm go+ to d3 pull out = good & take a long trip40 8,i mean if y 7 ,i40 ,%e sigh$4 8,save y\r life1 if possible2 t's all y c d40 8,i h a few weapons1 y "k4 ,i h ! ,j\rnal & ,i'm a director4 ,i h fri5ds 9 e ,c5t]40 ,?is 0 almo/ true4 ,i _h made a po9t ( kn[+ z _m ,resid5ts z possible4 8,i also h ,iris & ,cave on my side s9ce ,i'm will+ to d all ,i c to keep him alive1 t he n become a supreme symbol40 8,i wi% y luck10 ,cl>issa 0 mo/ cynical4 ,%e rose4 8,n[ t ,i've done my bit ( in=m+1 ,i'm (f40 8,europe80 8,none ( y\r bus9ess4 ,b ,i w tell y ,i won't g back !re3 !y've gone q mad too4 ,9 ,madrid ,i pret5d$ to be a ,ca?olic & ,i wat*$ !m put ,cavites up be=e fir+ squads4 ,( c\rse our p1 despite p]secution1 are hav+ a wond]fully excit+ "t ) passwords & peculi> college frat]nity h&clasps & s on40 ,%e collect$ h] gloves & h&bag f ! floor :]e1 z usual1 %e _h /rewn !m4 8,well1 n[ good-by40 ,%e gave me a kiss2 !n %e 0 gone4 ,i nev] saw h] aga94 #b ,ev5ts mov$ rapidly4 ,i took to bolt+ my b$room door at night &1 dur+ ! day1 ,i 0 c>eful always to h "o or ano!r ( my assi/ants ne> me4 ,x 0 a /range s5sation to be liv+ 9 a mod]n city ) all its police & c\rts & yet to fe> t1 9 a crisis1 !re w\ld be no succor1 no "o to turn to = aid & protection4 ,we 7 a sep>ate gov]nm5t )9 ! nation & ! laws did n rea* u4 ,! day aft] ,cl>issa _h said good-by1 ,paul appe>$ 9 my (fice4 ,i 0 surr\nd$ by editors b at a look f him & a ge/ure f me !y )drew4 ,we _h ea* kept our secret1 evid5tly1 = none ( ^? close to u 9 t build+ suspect$ t !re _h be5 a fatal division4 8,i seem to be 9 disgrace10 ,i said1 my =ef+] delicately c>ess+ ! buzz] :i* ,i _h built into ! arm ( my *air s t ,i might summon aid 9 ! ev5t t a visitor prov$ to be ei!r a bore or a maniac1 two types curi\sly drawn to ent]prises su* z ours4 8,i w\ldn't say t40 ,paul sat 9 a *air close to my own2 ,i recall ?9k+1 a little madly1 t elephants are suppos$ to be at _! mo/ dang]\s :5 !y are q /ill4 ,paul 0 noticeably controll$4 ,usually he manag$ to cross ! room at lea/ once = e full s5t5ce2 n[ he sat look+ at me1 8 face )\t expression4 8,i've se5 no "o s9ce our d9n] except ,cl>issa10 ,i expla9$2 !n ,i add$1 e>ne/ly3 8,i wond] :]e %e plans to g4 ,%e didn't44440 8,y've almo/ wreck$ ev]y?+10 he said1 8 voice tight1 unfamili> 9 its t5sion4 8,i didn't want to10 ,i said1 inaccurately4 ,i 0 at ! mom5t m t]rifi$ ?an ,i'd ev] be51 ei!r be=e or s9ce4 ,i c\ld get no real grip on him3 ! surface he pres5t$ me 0 z =midable1 z granitic z a prison wall4 8,:o told y8 ,iris8 ,cave8 or 7 y spy+80 ,ea* "q 0 fir$ at me l a bullet4 8,spy+ on :om80 8,on me1 damn y60 ,!n x broke4 ,! taut l9e ( control :i* _h held 9 *eck 8 ang] & 8 fe> broke all at once & ! torr5t fl[$1 reckless & ov]p[]+3 8,y m$dl+ idiot6 ,y spi$ on me2 y f\nd out2 y ?\ght y'd be able to /all ?+s by spr++ x l t4 ,well1 y fail$40 ,i recall ?9k+1 q calmly1 h[ mu* ,i pref]r$ 8 face 9 ! conge/$ ugl9ess ( rage to its ord9>y banality ( expression4 ,i 0 reliev$1 too1 by ! /orm4 ,i c\ld h&le him :5 he 0 out ( control4 ,i consid]$ my c\nt](f5sive :ile he %\t$ at me1 accus$ me ( ho/ility to him1 ( deviationism f ,cavesword & ( num]\s o!r crimes4 ,he /opp$1 f9ally1 = lack ( brea?4 8,i ga!r10 ,i said1 my voice %ak+ a little f excitem5t1 8t at "s po9t rec5tly y decid$ t ,cave %\ld apply ,cavesword to himself & die1 provid+ u ) a spl5did example1 an undy+ 7,i mean no pun7 symbol40 8,y "k y f\nd out & decid$ to get 9 on ! act1 to =ce my h&4 ,n[ he'll nev] d x40 ,t 0 x !n4 ,i 0 reliev$ to be no long] 9 ! d>k4 8,cave has refus$ to kill himself80 8,y bet y\r sweet life he has40 ,paul 0 beg9n+ to recov] 8 usual poise4 8,y\r little sc5e gave him ! excuse he ne$$3 ',g5e's "r4'0 ,paul imitat$ ,cave's voice ) />tl+ accuracy & malice4 8',g5e's "r4 ,i nev] did mean = ev]ybody to kill !mselves (f 444 :]e'd ! _w be if t happ5$8 ,j a few p4 ,t's all4' ,& he's damn$ if he's go+ to be "o ( !m4 ',hate to set t sort ( example4'0 8,well1 y'll h to try some?+ else !n40 8,:y did y d x80 ,paul's voice became petulant4 8,did ,iris put y up to x80 8,nobody put me up to x40 8,y mean to sit !re & try to make me believe t x j occurr$ to y1 l t1 to sugge/ ,cave w\ld h to kill himself if he enc\rag$ suicide80 8,i mean t x occurr$ to me exactly l t40 ,i look$ at ,paul ) vivid loa?+4 8,c't y und]/& ev5 ! obvi\s relation%ip betwe5 cause & effect8 ,) ?is plan ( ,/okh>9's y'll make x impossible = ,cave n to commit suicide &1 :5 he does1 y w h an int]national dea? cult :i* ,i %all d my be/ to combat40 ,paul's h&s began n]v\sly to play ) 8 tie1 8 lapels3 ,i wond]$ if he'd come arm$4 ,i plac$ my f+] lightly ^u ! buzz]4 ,implacably1 we fac$ "o ano!r4 8,y are n truly ,cavesword0 0 all t he said4 8,we won't argue ab\t t4 ,i'm m]ely expla9+ to y :y ,i said :at ,i did & :y ,i int5d to keep ,cave alive z long z possible4 ,alive & ho/ile to y1 to y\r peculi> int]pretation ( 8 ^w40 ,paul look$ sudd5ly disconsolate4 8,i've done :at ,i ?\ght be/4 ,i feel ,cave %\ld %[ u all ! way4 ,i feel x's bo? logical & necess>y to ! ,e/abli%m5t t he give back 8 life publicly40 8,b he doesn't want to40 8,t is ! "p ,i c't und]/&4 ,cavesword is t dea? is n to be fe>$ b embrac$ yet he1 ! man :o has really *ang$ ! _w1 refuses to die40 8,p]haps he feels he has m "w to d4 ,m places to see4 ,p]haps1 ,paul1 he doesn't tru/ y 444 doesn't want to leave y 9 control ( ! ,e/abli%m5t40 8,i'm will+ to get out if t's all t's /opp+ him40 ,b ! ins9c]ity ( ?is prote/ation 0 too app>5t = ei!r ( u to contemplate = long4 8,i don't c>e :at 8 motives are4 ,i don't c>e if he himself is t]rifi$ ( dy+ 7& ,i h a hun* t t is ! real reason = 8 hesitancy7 b ,i d "k t ,i don't want him dead by 8 own h&40 8,y're q sure ( t80 8,absolutely sure4 ,i'm a director ( ! ,e/abli%m5t & don't =get x1 ,paul3 x's ,iris1 ,cave & ,i aga9/ y & ,/okh>94 ,y may control ! organization b we h ,cave himself40 ,i ga!r$ c\rage 9 my desp]ation4 ,i purposely s\nd$ z ?\gh ,i 7 9 w>m conc]t ) ! o!rs4 8,i realize all t40 ,paul 0 sudd5ly meek1 conciliatory1 sublimely trea*]\s4 8,b y mu/ all[ me z mu* s9c]ity z y )hold = y\rself4 ,i want to d :at's be/4 ,i ?9k he %\ld die & ,i've done ev]y?+ to p]suade him4 ,he 0 ne> agreem5t :5 y upset ev]y?+40 8,= :i* ,i'm happy 444 ?\gh x 0 some?+ ( an accid5t4 ,are y sure t x is only = ! sake ( ,cavesword y want him dead80 8,:at o!r possible reason80 ,he look$ at me indignantly4 ,i c\ld n be sure :e!r he 0 tell+ ! tru? or n4 ,i d\bt$ x4 8,_m o!r reasons4 ,= "o ?+ y w\ld be 8 heir1 9 complete control ( ! ,e/abli%m5t2 & t ( c\rse is some?+ wor? inh]it+40 ,paul %rugg$ conv9c+ly4 8,i'm z mu* 9 *>ge n[ z ,i w\ld be ) him dead10 he said ) a c]ta9 tru?4 8,i'm int]e/$ 9 ,cavesword1 n 9 ,cave4 ,if 8 dea? enhances & e/abli%es ! ,^w m securely !n ,i mu/ d all ,i c to conv9ce him to take t c\rse40 8,!re is ano!r way10 ,i said1 smil+ at ! pleasant ?\ght4 8,ano!r way80 8,to conv9ce u ( y\r d$ication & s9c]ity to ,cavesword40 8,:at's t80 8,y kill y\rself1 ,paul40 ,!re 0 a long sil5ce4 ,i press$ ! buzz] & my secret>y came 94 ,)\t a ^w1 ,paul left4 ,imm$iately aft]w>ds1 ,i took ! private elevator to ,cave's p5?\se4 ,two gu>ds /opp$ me :ile ,i 0 ann\nc$ by a ?ird4 ,aft] a %ort delay1 ,i 0 admitt$ to ,cave's /udy1 b n to ,cave2 in/ead1 ,iris receiv$ me4 8,i "k :at's happ5+10 ,i said4 8,:]e is he80 8,obvi\sly y d40 ,h] voice 0 cold4 ,%e did n ask me to sit d[n4 ,awkw>dly1 ,i fac$ h] at ! room's c5t]4 8,we mu/ /op him40 8,john8 ,/op him f :at80 8,do+ :at ,paul wants him to d40 8,& :at y want z well40 8,y're mi/ak54 ,i ?\ght ,i made myself cle> ! o!r night4 ,b ?\gh my tim+ 0 app>5tly bad1 "u no circum/ances d ,i want him to die40 8,y made y\r spee* to =ce him40 8,& ,paul ?9ks ,i made x to /op him40 ,i c\ldn't help smil+4 8,i am1 x seems1 ev]yone's enemy40 8,paul has told me ev]y?+4 ,h[ y & he & ,/okh>9 all decid$1 )\t consult+ u1 t ,john %\ld die40 ,i 0 a/oni%$ at ,paul's boldness4 ,c\ld he really be mov+ s swiftly8 ,h[ else expla9 su* a prodigi\s lie8 ,i told h] quickly1 urg5tly :at ,i felt1 :at ,i _h said to ,paul & he to me4 ,%e he>d me to ! end )\t express+ ei!r belief or disbelief4 ,:5 ,i'd f9i%$ %e turn$ away f me & w5t to ! w9d[ :]e1 ?r\gh yell[ glass1 ! city rose ^u ! b& ( horizon4 8,x's too late10 %e said1 ev5ly4 8,i hadn't expect$ ?is4 ,p]haps y're tell+ me ! tru? 444 if y are1 y've made a t]rible mi/ake40 ,%e turn$ ab\t sudd5ly1 ) a precision :i* 0 almo/ milit>y4 8,he's go+ to d x40 ,! awful words fell l a weight ^u a scale4 ,i felt bl9dly = a *air & sat d[n1 all /r5g? gone4 8,/op him10 ,i said1 all t ,i c\ld say4 8,/op him40 8,x's too late = t40 ,%e took pity on me4 8,i ?9k y're tell+ me ! tru?4 ,g5e40 ,%e came ov] to :]e ,i 0 sitt+ & look$ d[n at me g5tly4 8,i'm sorry ,i accus$ y4 ,i %\ld h realiz$ ,paul 0 ly+40 8,y c /op him40 8,i c't4 ,i've tri$ b ,i c't40 ,h] control 0 extraord9>y4 ,i did n !n guess ! reason = h] calm1 h] /r5g?4 8,!n ,i mu/ try40 ,i /ood up4 ,%e back$ away at ! expression on my face4 8,y c't d any?+4 ,he won't see y4 ,he won't see anyone b me40 8,i ?\ght he told ,paul he agre$ ) me1 t he didn't want to 444 to c\nt5ance all ?is1 t he44440 8,at fir/ he took y\r side1 if x is really :at y y\rself feel3 !n he ?\ght ab\t x & 444 ?is morn+ he decid$ to g ahead ) ,paul's plan40 ,i 0 confus$4 8,does ,paul "k80 ,iris smil$ wanly4 8,john is res]v+ = himself ! pleasure ( do+ :at he mu/ d )\t ,paul's assi/ance40 8,or k80 ,iris %rugg$4 8,paul w f9d out ab\t x ?is ev5+1 ,i suppose4 ,!re w be an ann\ncem5t4 ,john's secret>y is gett+ x ready n[ 444 "o = ! public & ano!r = ! ,e/abli%m5t40 8,:5 w x happ580 8,tomorr[4 ,i g ) him1 ,g5e40 8,y8 ,y're n go+ to die too80 8,i don't see t x makes mu* diff]5ce :at ,i d :5 ,john dies40 8,y c't leave u n[4 ,y c't leave ,paul 9 *>ge ( ev]y?+4 ,he's a dang]\s man4 ,:y1 if44440 8,y'll be able to h&le him40 ,x 0 p]fectly app>5t to me t %e 0 no long] int]e/$ 9 me or 9 ! o!rs2 n ev5 9 ! fate ( ! "w we _h begun4 8,x's f9i%$1 if y g too10 ,i said bleakly4 8,toge!r we c\ld control ,paul2 alone1 ,i'd n la/ t5 days4 ,iris1 let me talk to him40 8,i c't4 ,i won't40 ,i contemplat$ pu%+ by h] & se>*+ ! p5?\se b !re 7 gu>ds ev]y:]e & ,i _h no wi% to be %ot myself on su* an err&4 ,%e guess$ my ?\ght & said1 quickly 8,!re's no possible way = y or anyone to get ?r\gh to him4 ,sometime tonight or tomorr[ he w leave & t's ! end40 8,he won't d x "h80 ,?is surpris$ me4 ,%e %ook h] head4 8,he wants to g (f alone1 away f ev]yone4 ,i'm to be ) him until ! end2 !n ,i'll s5d ! body back "h = burial 444 b he'll leave full in/ructions40 8,y mean ,i'm nev] to see ei!r ( y aga98 ,j l t1 y bo? g80 8,j l ?is40 ,= ! fir/ "t %e display$ "s w>m?4 8,i've c>$ = y1 ,g5e10 %e said g5tly4 8,i ev5 ?9k t ( u all y 7 ! "o mo/ ne>ly "r 9 y\r approa* to ,john4 ,i ?9k y und]/ood him bett] ?an he did himself4 ,try to hold on aft] we g4 ,try to keep x away f ,paul40 8,z if ,i c\ld60 ,i turn$ f h] bitt]ly1 fill$ ) unexpect$ grief3 ,i did n want to lose h] pres5ce ev5 ?\gh ,i _h lo/ h] or1 r1 nev] possess$ m ( h] ?an t "o bright in/ant ye>s be=e on ! ,cali=nia coa/ :5 we _h bo? realiz$ ) ! unexpect$ cl>ity ( ! lov]s we 7 n t our lives _h come to ! same po9t at ! same mom5t & ! k ( ?is conflu5ce 0 ! "o spl5dor ,i _h kn[n1 ! s+le hope1 ! unique passion ( my life4 8,don't miss me1 ,g5e4 ,i c\ldn't be> t40 ,%e put h] h& on my arm4 ,i walk$ away1 n able to be> h] t\*4 ,!n !y came4 ,paul & ,/okh>9 7 9 ! /udy4 ,iris gasp$ & /epp$ back :5 %e saw !m4 ,i spun ab\t j z ,paul %\t$3 8,x won't "w1 ,iris6 ,give x up40 8,get out ( "h1 ,paul40 ,h] voice 0 /rong4 8,y h no "r "h40 8,i h z mu* "r z y4 ,n[ tell me ^: idea 0 x8 y\rs8 or 0 x ,john's8 or ,g5e's8 s9ce he seems to enjoy play+ bo? sides40 8,get out4 ,all ( y40 ,%e mov$ to ! old-fa%ion$ bell cord :i* hung beside ,cave's massive desk4 8,don't bo!r10 said ,paul4 8,no "o w come40 ,iris1 h] eyes wide n[ ) fe>1 tugg$ ! cord twice3 ! second "t x broke (f 9 h] h&4 ,!re 0 no response4 ,paul look$ grim4 8,i'm sorry to h to d x ?is way b y've left me no *oice4 ,y c't leave1 ei!r ( y40 8,y read44440 8,i saw ! release4 ,x won't "w40 8,:y n8 ,x's :at y've want$ all along4 ,ev]y?+ w be y\rs4 ,!re'll be nobody to /op y4 ,john w be dead & ,i'll be gone = good4 ,y'll nev] see me aga9 444 :y mu/ y int]f]e80 ,%e spoke quickly1 plausibly b ! false proportion 0 evid5t n[1 ev5 to me3 ! plan 0 tumbl+ d[n at ,paul's assault4 8,iris1 ,i'm n a complete fool4 ,i "k p]fectly well t ,cave has no int5tion ( kill+ himself & t44440 8,:y d y ?9k ,i'm go+ ) him8 to s5d y ! body back = ! c]emony :i* y'll p]=m "r "h1 publicly44440 8,iris40 ,he look$ at h] = a long mom5t4 ,!n3 8,if y two leave z plann$ tonight 7,i've cancel$ ! helicopt] by ! way7 !re w be no body1 no embalm+1 no c]emony1 no po9t 444 only a my/]y :i* might v well undo all our "w4 ,i c't all[ t4 ,cave mu/ die "h1 be=e morn+4 ,we might h put x (f b y\r ann\ncem5t has already leak$ out4 ,!re'll be a million p out !re 9 ! /reet tomorr[4 ,we'll h to %[ !m ,cave's body40 ,iris sway$2 ,i mov$ quickly to h] side & held h] arm4 8,x's ?ree to two1 ,paul10 ,i said4 8,i assume we're /ill directors4 ,?ree ( u h agre$ t ,cave & ,iris leave4 ,t's f9al40 ,b my bluff 0 humiliat+ly weak2 x 0 ignor$4 8,! p5?\se10 said ,paul s(tly1 8is empty 444 j ! five ( u "h4 ,! ,doctor & ,i are arm$4 ,take u 9 to him40 8,no40 ,iris mov$ in/9ctively1 fatally1 to ! door :i* l$ to ,cave1 z if to gu>d x ) h] body4 ,!re 0 a brief scuffle :i* end$ ) ,iris & myself1 consid]ably di%evel$1 fac+ two guns4 ,) an apology1 ,/okh>9 pu%$ u ?r\gh ! door4 ,9 a small sunroom we f\nd ,cave sitt+ be=e a television scre51 wat*+ ! in/allation ( a new ,resid5t 9 ,bo/on4 ,he look$ up ) surprise at our entrance4 8,i ?\ght ,i said44440 he began b ,iris int]rupt$ him4 8,!y want to kill y1 ,john40 ,he got to 8 feet quickly1 8 face pale & 8 eyes gl>+4 ,ev5 ,paul 0 %ak5 by t glance4 8,y read my la/ /atem5t80 ,cave spoke %>ply1 )\t app>5t fe>4 8,t's :y we've come10 said ,paul2 he & ,/okh>9 mov$1 z ?\gh by previ\s accord1 to opposite ends ( ! little room1 leav+ ! ?ree ( u toge!r1 vuln]able at its c5t]4 8,y mu/ d x "h40 ,paul signal$ ,/okh>9 :o1 aft] "s fumbl+1 produc$ a small metal box :i* he toss$ to ,cave4 8,"s ( ! new pills10 he said n]v\sly4 8,v nice4 ,we use pepp]m9t 9 ! out] lay] &44440 8,take x1 ,john40 8,i'll get "s wat]10 said ,/okh>92 b ,paul wav$ to him to keep 8 place4 ,cave smil$ :itely4 8,i w n take x4 ,n[ bo? ( y get out ( "h be=e ,i call ! gu>ds40 8,no m gu>ds10 said ,paul4 8,we've se5 to t4 ,n[1 please1 don't make x any m difficult ?an x is4 ,take ! pill40 8,if y read my /atem5t y "k t44440 8,y int5d to take a pleasant trip ar\nd ! _w incognito ) ,iris4 ,yes1 ,i "k4 ,z y\r fri5d1 ,i wi% y c\ld d x4 ,b1 = "o ?+1 soon] or lat] y'd be recogniz$ &1 = ano!r1 we mu/ h pro( 444 we mu/ h a body40 8,iris w br+ ! body back10 said ,cave4 ,he 0 /ill q calm4 8,i *oose to d x ?is way & !re's no?+ m to be said4 ,y'll h ! ,e/abli%m5t all to y\rself & ,i w be a mo/ satisfactory figure ^u :i* to build a _w religion40 ,x 0 ! only "t 9 my exp]i5ce ) ,cave t ,i ev] he>d him /rike ! ironic note4 8,leave u alone1 ,paul4 ,y h :at y want4 ,n[ let u g40 ,iris begg$ b ,paul _h no eyes = anyone b ,cave4 8,take x1 ,john10 he repeat$ s(tly4 8,take ,cavesway40 8,n = y40 ,cave hurl$ ! metal box at ,paul's head & ,/okh>9 fir$4 ,!re 0 "o almo/ bl& mom5t :5 we all /ood1 politely1 9 a circle & wat*$ ,cave1 a look ( wond] on 8 face1 t\* 8 %\ld] :]e ! blood _h begun to fl[ ?r\gh a hole 9 ! jacket4 ,!n ,iris turn$ fi]cely on ,paul1 knock+ him (f balance1 :ile ,cave ran to ! door4 ,/okh>91 8 h& %ak+ & 8 face silv] ) fe>1 fir$ ?ree times1 ea* "t hitt+ ,cave :o quiv]$ b did n fall2 in/ead1 he got ?r\gh ! door & into ! /udy4 ,z ,/okh>9 hurri$ aft] him1 ,i ?rew myself ^u him1 expect+ dea? at any mom5t2 b x did n come = ,/okh>9 _h collaps$4 ,he dropp$ 8 gun & hid 8 face 9 8 h&s1 rock+ back & =? on ! floor1 sobb+4 ,paul1 free ( ,iris's fi]ce grip1 got to ,cave be=e ,i did4 ,by !n x 0 f9i%$4 ,cave lay 9 ! corridor only a few feet f ! elevator4 ,he'd fall5 on 8 face & lay n[ 9 8 own blood1 8 h&s work+ at ! floor z ?\gh try+ to dig himself a grave 9 ! h>d /one4 ,i turn$ him on 8 back & he op5$ 8 eyes4 8,iris80 he ask$4 ,8 voice 0 ord9>y ?\gh 8 brea?+ 0 h>%1 unev54 8,"h ,i am40 ,%e knelt d[n beside him1 ignor+ ,paul :o /ood look+ d[n at !m1 8 pi/ol held at an absurd angle 9 8 inexp]i5c$ h&4 ,cave :isp]$ some?+ to ,iris2 !n a fl[ ( blood1 l ! full moon's tide1 p\r$ f 8 m\? & he 0 dead4 8,cavesway10 said ,paul at la/ :5 ! sil5ce _h be5 us$ up3 ! phrase he _h prep>$ = ?is mom5t1 inadequate to ! reality at our feet4 8,y\r way10 said ,iris z %e got to h] feet4 ,%e look$ at ,paul calmly1 z ?\gh !y'd met only at t mom5t4 8,y\r way10 %e repeat$4 ,9 ! o!r room ,/okh>9 moan$4 ,,t5 #a ,n[ ! "w 0 complete4 ,cavesword & ,cavesway =m$ a p]fect design & all ! re/ w\ld greatly foll[ 444 or s ,paul assum$4 ,i believe if ,i _h be5 he ,i %\ld h kill$ bo? ,iris & myself ! same day1 remov+ at "o /roke witnesses & opposition4 ,b he did n h ! c\rage &1 too1 ,i ?9k he und]e/imat$ u1 to 8 own future sorr[4 ,iris & ,i 7 left alone 9 ! p5?\se4 ,paul1 aft] %ak+ ,/okh>9 into a semblance ( calm1 bundl$ ,cave's body into a blanket & !n1 ) ! doctor's help1 put x ^u ! private elevator4 ,! next tw5ty-f\r h\rs 7 a grim c>nival4 ,! body ( ,cave1 beautifully arrang$ & pa9t$1 lay 9 ! c5tral auditorium ( ! c5t] z ?\s&s fil$ by to see him4 ,paul's spee* ov] ! corpse 0 teleca/ ar\nd ! _w4 ,iris & ,i kept to our sep>ate rooms1 bo? by *oice & f necessity s9ce g5tle gu>ds /ood be=e our doors & refus$1 apologetically1 to let u out4 ,i wat*$ ! s]vices ov] television :ile my *ief editors visit$ me "o by "o unaw>e ( :at _h happ5$1 ignor+ ! pres5ce ( ! gu>ds4 ,x 0 assum$ t ,i 0 too %ock$ by grief to g to ! (fice4 ,ne$less to say1 ,i did n m5tion to any ( !m :at _h happ5$4 ,at fir/ ,i _h ?\ght x be/ to expose ,paul z a murd]] & a fraud b1 on second ?\ght 7! second ?\ght :i* foll[$ all too swiftly ^u ! fir/1 z ,paul _h no d\bt assum$ x w\ld71 ,i did n want to risk ! ru9 ( our "w4 ,in/ead1 ,i decid$ to wait1 to /udy ,paul's de/ruction1 an ev5t :i* ,i _h grimly v[$ w\ld take place z soon z possible4 ,he c\ld n n[ get rid ( ei!r ,iris or me 9 ! ne> future & all we ne$$1 ,i 0 sure1 0 b a week or two4 ,i 0 conv9c$ ( ?is ?\gh ,i _h no specific plan4 ,iris _h m influ5ce1 m pre/ige 9 ! ,e/abli%m5t ?an ,paul1 & ,i figur$1 correctly z lat] ev5ts corroborat$1 t ,cave's dea? w\ld enhance h] position4 ,z = myself1 ,i 0 n )\t influ5ce4 ,i kept my l9es ( communication cle> ! next few days dur+ :at 01 virtually1 a h\se-arre/4 ,! editors came to me regul>ly & ,i cont9u$ to compose editorials4 ,! explanation = my conf9em5t to my room 01 accord+ to a bullet9 sign$ by ,/okh>91 a mild he>t condition4 ,ev]yone 0 mo/ k9d4 ,i 0 amus$ :5 ,i fir/ he>d ( ! diagnosis3 "o ( ,/okh>9's pellets 9 my food & dea? w\ld be ascrib$ to coron>y occlusion1 ! result ( ! /ra9 att5dant ^u ,cave's dea?4 ,i _h less "t ?an ,i ?\ght4 ,i made plans4 ,paul's fun]al oration 0 compet5t ?\gh less ?an inspir+4 ,! ,*ief ,resid5t ( ,dallas1 "o ( ! great new figures ( ! ,e/abli%m5t1 made an ev5 f9] spee* ov] ! corpse4 ,i li/5$ att5tively1 judg+ f :at 0 said & :at 0 n said ! w9d's direction3 x 0 q obvi\s t ,cavesway 0 to be ! he>t ( ! doctr9e4 ,dea? 0 to be embrac$ ) passion2 life 0 ! crim9al2 dea? ! bett] reality2 consci\sness 0 an evil :i*1 9 dea?'s oblivion1 met its true fate 444 man's "o p]fect virtu\s act 0 ! sacrifice ( 8 own consci\sness to ! pure no?+ f :i*1 by grim accid5t1 x _h come1 a malignancy 9 creation4 ,! ,*ief ,resid5t ( ,dallas 0 mo/ eloqu5t1 & *ill+4 ,ev5 seque/]$ 9 my room1 ,i caught "s ( ! excitem5t :i* circl$ ! globe l a lightn+ /orm4 ,?irty-five hundr$ suicides 7 report$ )9 =ty-eight h\rs ( ,cave's dea?4 ,! /ati/icians lo/ c\nt ( ! numb] ( p :o f\ght to get inside ! build+ to see ,cave 9 dea?4 ,f my w9d[1 h[ev]1 ,i c\ld see t ,p>k ,av5ue _h be5 rop$ (f = a doz5 blocks4 ,p1 l ants1 sw>m$ t[>d ! gates ( ! t[]4 ,i s5t messages to ,iris b receiv$ none1 nor1 = t matt]1 did ,i h any assurance t %e _h got m9e4 ,paul's adv5tures ,i foll[$ on television & f ! reports ( my editors :o visit$ me regul>ly1 despite ,/okh>9's ord]s4 ,on ! ?ird day1 ,i 0 all[$ to g to my (fice3 ,paul hav+ decid$ t x w\ld be ?\ght odd if ,i 7 to die s soon aft] ,cave &1 too1 he 0 no d\bt reliev$ to discov] t ,i _h n reveal$ to my fri5ds :at actually _h happ5$4 ,hav+ e/abli%$ ! fact ( my weak he>t1 my dea? c\ld be eng9e]$ mo/ plausibly at any "t4 ,i did n see him face to face until ! f\r? day1 :5 ,john ,cave's a%es 7 to be di/ribut$ ov] ! ,unit$ ,/ates4 ,/okh>91 ,paul & ,i sat 9 ! back seat ( a lim\s9e at ! head ( a motorcade :i*1 beg9n+ at ! t[]1 t]m9at$ at ! airport :]e ! jet-plane :i* w\ld spr9kle ! a%es ov] ,new ,york1 ,seattle1 ,*icago & ,los ,angeles 0 wait+1 along ) a va/ cr[d & ! ,presid5t ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates1 an (ficial ,*ri/ian b kn[n to incl9e1 z ,presid5ts d1 t[>d ! majority4444 ,cavites 7 ! majority & _h be5 = almo/ two ye>s4 ,i 0 />tl$ to f9d ,paul & ,/okh>9 9 ! same automobile4 ,x _h be5 my und]/&+ t we 7 to travel sep>ately 9 ! motorcade4 ,!y 7 mo/ cordial4 8,sorry to he> y've be5 sick1 ,g5e10 ,paul gr9n$ +5u\sly4 8,mu/n't /ra9 ! old tick]40 8,i'm sure ! good doctor w be able to cure me10 ,i said *e]fully4 ,!y bo? laugh$ l\dly2 !n ! c> pull$ away f ! t[] & drove d[n ,p>k ,av5ue at ! head ( a long procession4 ,cr[ds l9$ ! /reet z we drove sl[ly by4 ,!y 7 curi\sly /ill1 z ?\gh !y h>dly knew h[ to react3 ?is 0 a fun]al yet ,cavesway 0 glori\s4 ,"s *e]$2 mo/ simply />$ & po9t$ at our c>1 recogniz+ ,paul4 ,i sudd5ly realiz$ :y !y 7 s int]e/$ 9 ?is p>ticul> c>3 on ! floor1 at ,paul's feet1 0 :at look$ l a l>ge fl[] pot cov]$ ) gold foil4 8,are ^? ! a%es80 ,paul nodd$4 8,did an extra quick job1 too1 ,i'm glad to say4 ,we didn't want any slip up40 8,:]e's ,iris80 8,i 0 go+ to ask y t40 ,paul look$ at me %>ply4 8,%e disappe>$ ye/]day & x's v emb>rass+ = all ( u1 v inconsid]ate too3 %e knew ,i especially want$ h] at ! c]emony4 ,%e kn[s t ev]yone w expect to see h]40 8,i ?9k %e took ! idea ( ,cavesway mo/ illogically10 said ,/okh>91 8 usual sang-froid _h return$1 8 breakd[n =gott54 8,%e %\ld be grateful to u = mak+ all ?is possible1 despite ,cave's weakness40 ,i ignor$ ,/okh>94 ,i look$ at ,paul :o 0 beam+ at ! cr[d1 ackn[l$g+ _! waves ) nods ( 8 head4 8,:at w y d n[80 8,y he>d ! c]emony80 8,yes40 8,well1 j t4 ,cavesway has become univ]sal4 ,ev5 ! economi/s 9 ,wa%+ton h privately ?ank$ u = :at we're do+ to r$uce ! population4 ,!re's a !ory t by num]\s volunt>y dea?s w>s might decrease s9ce 444 or s ! proposition goes 444 !y are nature's way ( *eck+ population40 8,p]haps y're "r40 ,i assum$ a tr\bl$ expression z ,i made ! fir/ move ( my c\nt](f5sive4 ,paul look$ away f ! cr[d to reg>d me briefly1 %rewdly4 8,y don't ?9k ,i tru/ y1 d y80 ,i %rugg$1 8,:y n8 ,i c't *ange ,cavesway n[40 ,paul grunt$4 ,i c\ld see t he did n believe ?is spuri\s volte-face2 nev]!less1 an end to my active opposition w\ld =ce him to revise 8 plans2 ?is w\ld1 ,i hop$1 give me ! "t ,i ne$$4 ,i press$ on3 8,i ?9k we c compromise4 ,%ort ( rigg+ my dea? :i* w\ld cause suspicion1 y mu/ cont9ue to put up ) me = a :ile4 ,y've no?+ to fe> f me s9ce y control ! ,e/abli%m5t & s9ce ! "o weapon ,i h aga9/ y ,i w n use40 8,y mean44440 8,my hav+ witness$ ! murd] ( ,cave4 ,if ,i _h want$ to ,i c\ld h reveal$ ?is be=e ! cremation4 ,an autopsy w\ld c]ta9ly h ru9$ ev]y?+ = y40 8,:y didn't y80 ,i c\ld see t ,paul 0 g5u9ely int]e/$ 9 my motives4 8,because x w\ld h meant ! end ( ! "w4 ,i saw no reason to av5ge ,cave at su* a co/3 y mu/ rememb] he 0 n a god to me1 any m ?an y are40 ,?is twi/ ( a blunt knife _h ! calculat$ effect3 8,:at a cold devil y are60 said ,paul1 almo/ admir+ly4 8,i wi% ,i c\ld believe y40 8,!re's no reason n to4 ,i 0 oppos$ to ! pr9ciple ( suicide4 ,x is n[ firmly e/abli%$4 ,we mu/ g on f !re40 8,!n tell me :]e ,iris is40 8,i hav5't any idea4 ,z y "k1 ,i've be5 try+ to get 9 t\* ) h] = days2 y\r p int]cept$ ev]y?+4 ,h[ did %e manage to get away80 8,"o ( ! gu>ds let h] out4 ,i ?\ght he 0 "o ( our boys b x seems %e work$ on him & he left ) h]4 ,i've al]t$ all ! ,c5t]s2 s f> no "o's se5 h]40 ,j be=e ,gr& ,c5tral ,/ation1 ! cr[d began to ro> ) excitem5t & ,paul held up ! j> ( a%es :i* glitt]$ 9 8 h&s2 ! cr[d w5t wild & tri$ to break ?r\gh ! police l9es4 ,! cortege drove a bit fa/] & ,paul set ! a%es d[n2 he look$ triumphant b tir$1 z ?\gh he'd n slept 9 a mon?3 "o eyelid1 ,i saw1 0 twit*+ ) fatigue4 8,:5 are we to h a directors' meet+80 ,i ask$ z we cross$ ! bridge :i* spann$ ! ,hudson4 8,we're /ill legally a company4 ,we mu/ elect a new bo>d *airman40 8,z soon z we f9d ,iris10 said ,paul4 8,i ?9k we %\ld all be !re1 don't y8 ,two to two40 8,p]haps ?ree to "o on ! ma9 ?+s10 ,i said1 all[+ ?is to p5etrate1 aw>e t 8 quick m9d w\ld /udy all ! possibilities & arrive at a position s subtle & unexpect$ z to be ( use to me if ,i1 9 turn1 7 quick en\gh to seize my opportunity4 ,at ! airport1 a deta*m5t ( airborne troops 7 drawn up be=e a fe/oon$ review+ /&4 ,ne> by ! ,m>9e ,b& play$ incongru\s m>*es :ile 9 ! c5t] ( ! /&1 surr\nd$ by cam]as & dignit>ies1 /ood ! smil+ ,presid5t ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates4 #b ,! next day :ile ,i 0 exam9+ ! v>i\s acc\nts ( ! la/ c]emony1 ! *ief editor came into my (fice1 8 face blaz+ ) excitem5t3 8,iris ,mortim]60 0 all he c\ld say4 8,iris8 ,:]e80 8,dallas40 ,he explod$ ! "n 9 exhalation2 !n he told me3 ^w _h come f our (fice !re t ,iris _h1 a few h\rs be=e1 d5\nc$ ,paul = hav+ ignor$ ,cave's la/ wi%es to be embalm$ & t1 z a result ( ?is & o!r infidelities to ,cavesword1 %e1 z rank+ director & ) ! full concurr5ce ( ! ,*ief ,resid5t ( ,dallas1 0 call+ a ,c\ncil ( ,resid5ts to be held ! foll[+ week at ,dallas to det]m9e ! future c\rse ( ! ,e/abli%m5t4 ,i almo/ laugh$ al\d ) pleasure4 ,i _h n believ$ %e w\ld %[ su* vigor & d>+4 ,i _h fe>$ t %e might *oose to vani% into obscurity1 h] life end$ ) ,cave 444 ev5 at my mo/ optimi/ic1 ,i _h n dream$ %e w\ld act ) su* realism1 exploit+ a rivalry betwe5 ,paul & ! ,*ief ,resid5t ( ,dallas1 ! premi] memb] ( ! ,c\ncil ( ,resid5ts1 a gr\p t1 until n[1 _h exi/$ = purely c]emonial reasons1 ex]t+ no influ5ce ^u ! adm9i/ration ( ! ,e/abli%m5t :i*1 :ile ,cave liv$1 0 by ,paul direct$4 ,n[ ) "o /roke ,iris _h und]m9$ ,paul by go+ directly to ! ,e/abli%m5t4 ,i mov$ swiftly4 ,! ,j\rnal 0 at t mom5t go+ to press4 ,i scribbl$ a brief ann\ncem5t ( ! com+ ,c\ncil ( ,resid5ts1 nam+ ,iris z ,cave's spiritual heir & cu/odian ( ! ,e/abli%m5t4 ,by telephone1 ,i ord]$ a box to be cut out ( ! fir/ page4 ,i _h n act$ a mom5t too soon = a few m9utes aft] my telephone call to ! compositor1 ,paul came to my (fice1 furi\s4 ,he slamm$ ! door beh9d him4 ,we 7 alone = ! fir/ "t 9 weeks4 8,y knew ?is 0 go+ to happ540 8,i wi% ,i _h40 ,he pac$ ! floor quickly1 eyes %9+4 8,i've s5t out an ord] c\nt]m&+ ,iris4 ,i've also remov$ ! ,resid5t at ,dallas4 ,i'm /ill 9 *>ge ( ! ,e/abli%m5t4 ,i control ! funds & ,i've told e damn$ ,resid5t 9 ?is c\ntry t if he goes to ,dallas ,i'll cut (f 8 ,c5t] )\t a p5ny40 8,x won't "w40 ,i smil$ amiably at ,paul4 8,y\r only hold ov] ! ,e/abli%m5t is legal4 ,y are ! vice presid5t ( ! corporation & n[1 at lea/ = ! int]im1 y're 9 *>ge4 ,f9e4 ,b s9ce y've become s devot$ to ! lett] ( ! law y c't act )\t consult+ y\r directors & two ( !m w be 9 ,dallas1 reorganiz+40 ,he curs$ me = "s m9utes3 !n abruptly he /opp$4 8,y won't g to ,dallas4 ,y're go+ to be "h = ! directors' meet+ :i* cuts (f e ,resid5t :o att5ds t circus )\t a p5ny4 ,we own ! damn$ ,c5t]s2 we c appo9t :om we l4 ,y're go+ to help ratify my new appo9tm5ts40 ,i press$ ! buzz] 9 my *air3 a secret>y came 94 ,i told h] to get me a res]vation on ! next plane to ,dallas2 !n1 be=e %e _h clos$ ! door beh9d h]1 ,i 0 halfway ?r\gh x4 ,i turn$ to look back at ,paul :o /ood n[ q alone 9 ! (fice4 8,y _h bett] come too10 ,i said4 8,x's all ov]40 #c ,! new ,e/abli%m5t 0 _m mon?s 9 ! mak+4 ,! ,c\ncil ( sev5 hundr$ ,resid5ts f all p>ts ( ! _w sat 9 g5]al session once a week & 9 v>i\s committees ! re/ ( ! "t4 ,iris 0 ev]y:]e at once1 advis+1 enc\rag+1 propos+4 ,we _h adjo9+ suites 9 ! huge :ite m>ble ,c5t] :i* _h n[ become 7& 0 to rema97 ! capitol ( ! ,cavite ,e/abli%m5t4 ,! ,resid5ts 7 an extraord9>y crew1 rang+ f zeal\s maniacs to urbane1 ?\ghtful m54 ,none _h be5 9 ! lea/ di/urb$ by ,paul's ?reats & ) ,iris & myself z *ief /ockhold]s 7,cl>issa _h turn$ h] vot+ %>es ov] to ,iris1 ,i discov]$71 we dissolv$ ! old company & a new organization 0 fa%ion$1 "o gov]n$ by ! ,c\ncil ( ,resid5ts :o1 9 turn1 *ose an heir to ,cave & an adm9i/rative assi/ant to direct ! affairs ( ! ,e/abli%m5t4 ,iris 0 unanim\sly appo9t$ ,gu>dian ( ,cavesword :ile ! ,*ief ,resid5t ( ,dallas und]took ,paul's old adm9i/rative duties4 ,f a con/itutional po9t ( view ! ,c\ncil 0 9 p]fect agreem5t1 accept+ ,iris's guidance )\t demur4 ,i1 myself1 0 some?+ ( a h]o = hav+ committ$ ! ,j\rnal at a crucial mom5t to ! ,dallas synod4 ,i 0 made an honor>y ,resid5t 7,dubuque1 ,i[a1 0 giv5 me z a titul> ,c5t]7 & appo9t$ to ! ,executive ,committee :i* 0 compos$ ( ,iris1 ,dallas1 two elect$ ,resid5ts & myself4 ,we work$ h>moni\sly = "s weeks4 ,ea* day we w\ld issue bullet9s to ! news-s]vices :i* _h congregat$ 9 ! city1 report+ our progress zeal\sly1 devot$ly4 ,paul arriv$ 9 ! second week4 ,he came secretly & unann\nc$4 ,i h no idea :at x 0 t he said to ,iris or :at %e said to him2 all ,i "k is t a few h\rs aft] _! meet+ 9 ! ,c5t]1 he took ,cavesway ( 8 own free w & to my a/oni%m5t4 ,i hadn't believ$ x possible1 ,i said1 :5 ,iris told me1 %ortly aft] ! ,c5t] ann\nc$ ! pres5ce ( ,paul ,himmell among ! dead = t week 7regul> li/s 7 publi%$ ( ^? :o _h us$ ! ,c5t]'s facilities to take ,cavesway72 9 fact1 s quietly 0 x h&l$ t v little 0 made ( x 9 ! press :i* did n ev5 report ! ev5t until t5 days aft] x _h tak5 place4 8,we may h misund]/ood ,paul10 ,iris 0 s]5e4 ,h] figure _h become 9 ! la/ ye> ?ick & mat]nal :ile h] hair 0 /reak$ ) premature :ite4 ,we 7 alone 9 ! ,committee ,room1 wait+ = our fell[ committeem5 :o 7 n due = ano!r half h\r4 ,! ,augu/ sun %one gold ^u ! mahogany table1 illum9at+ w>mly1 l a ,byzant9e mosaic1 ! pa9t+ ( ,cave :i* hung beh9d h] *air4 8,he really did d x himself80 ,i look$ at h] suspici\sly4 ,%e smil$ s(tly1 ) amusem5t4 8,he 0 p]suad$10 %e said4 8,b he did x himself1 ( 8 own free w40 8,n =c$80 8,i swe> n4 ,he 0 m s9c]e ?an ,i'd ev] ?\ght4 ,he believ$ 9 ,cavesway40 ,h[ naturally %e said t ^w :i* %e _h s desp]ately tri$ to keep f ev] exi/+4 ,we _h n once alone ref]r$ to ! murd] ( ,cave1 bo? act+1 = diff]5t reasons1 z ?\gh 8 dea? _h be51 z ! _w n[ ?\ght1 8 own do+4 8,y _h really plann$ to g away80 ,i ask$4 ,%e look$ at me1 sudd5ly al]t1 imp]sonal3 8,t's all f9i%$1 ,g5e4 ,we mu/ keep on 9 ! pres5t4 ,i nev] ?9k n[ ( any?+ b ,cavesword & ,cavesway4 ,x does no good to ?9k ( :at might h be540 ,& t 0 ! mo/ we 7 ev] to say to "o ano!r ab\t ! crisis 9 our lives4 ,we talk$ ( ! pres5t2 we made plans4 ,/okh>9 _h disappe>$ at ! same "t ,paul flew to ,dallas & we bo? decid$ x 0 wise/ to =get him3 c]ta9ly he w\ld n tr\ble u aga94 ,!re 0 no talk ( v5geance4 ,! committee memb]s1 important & pr\d1 jo9$ u & we took up ! day's problem :i* 01 by "s irony1 ! /&>dization ( facilities = ,cavesway 9 ! diff]5t ,c5t]s4 ,quietly1 )\t rais+ our voices1 9 a mo/ good-humor$ way1 we broke neatly 9 half on ,cavesway4 ,i & "o o!r ,resid5t object$ to ! emphasis on dea?4 ,dallas & ! f\r? memb] 7 9 favor ( exp&+ ! facilities1 bo? physically & psy*ologically1 until e ,cavite at ! mom5t :5 he felt 8 social usefulness ebb+ c\ld take ,cavesway4 ,we argu$ reasonably ) "o ano!r until x became app>5t t !re 0 no possible gr\nd = compromise4 ,x 0 put to a vote & ,iris broke ! tie by endors+ ,cavesway4 #d ,?is morn+ z ,i f9i%$ ! above l9es ,i suff]$ a mild /roke 444 a p>ticul>ly unusual "o s9ce ,i did n become1 z f> z ,i "k1 unconsci\s4 ,i 0 r]ead+ my some:at telescop$ acc\nt ( ! ,c\ncil ( ,dallas :51 )\t w>n+1 ! bl[ fell2 a capill>y bur/ 9 my bra9 & ,i felt z ?\gh ,i 7 los+ my m9d 9 "o la/ fanta/ic bur/ ( images4 ,! pa9 0 negligible1 no worse ?an a heada*e1 b ! s5sation ( lett+ g "o's consci\s m9d1 "o's control 0 t]rify+4 ,i tri$ to move f my "w-table1 to call = help1 b ,i 0 too weak4 ,= "o long giddy mom5t ,i ?\ght3 ,i am dy+2 ?is is ! way x is &1 ev5 9 my angui%1 ,i 0 curi\s1 wait+ = t approa* ( w+$ d>kness :i* ye>s ago ,i once exp]i5c$ :5 ,i fa9t$ & :i* ,i h always s9ce imag9$ to be l dea?'s swift entrance4 ,b !n my body recov]$ f ! assault3 ! wall 0 brea*$1 ! enemy is 9 ! city b ! citadel is /ill intact & yet ,i live4 ,weakly ,i got up1 p\r$ myself a jigg] ( br&y & !n1 hav+ drunk x all at once1 fell across my b$ & slept & did n dream1 :i* is a r>e bless+ 9 ^! fev]i% la/ days4 ,i 0 awak5$ by ! s5sation ( be+ wat*$4 ,i op5$ my eyes & saw above me1 look+ l a bronze figure ( ,anubis1 ,jessup :o said1 8,i'm sorry 444 didn't mean to di/urb y4 ,y\r door 0 op5 & ,i44440 8,p]fectly all "r10 ,i said1 z smoo?ly z ,i c\ld1 drugg$ ) sleep4 ,i pull$ myself up aga9/ ! pill[s4 8,excuse me = n gett+ up b ,i'm /ill a little weak f my illness40 8,i want$ to see y10 said ,jessup1 sitt+ d[n 9 ! *air :i* ,i indicat$ beside ! b$4 8,i hope y don't m9d my b>g+ 9 l ?is40 8,n at all4 ,h[ d y f9d ,luxor80 ,i want$ to delay z long z possible ! que/ions :i* ,i 0 q sure he w\ld want to ask me1 que/ions conc]n+ my id5tity4 8,! p are n s fix$ 9 error z we'd be5 w>n$4 ,!re's a great curiosity ab\t ,cavesword40 ,8 eyes _h be5 tak+ 9 ! details ( ! room ) "s int]e/2 to my horror ,i recall$ t ,i _h left ! manuscript ( my "w on ! table in/ead ( hid+ x z usual 9 ! wa%/&4 ,he saw x4 8,y\r 444 memoirs80 ,he look$ at me ) a polite int]e/ :i* ,i 0 sure disguis$ =ekn[l$ge4 8,a record ( my excavations10 ,i said1 9 a voice :i* desc5d$ ! scale to a :isp]4 8,i d x = my own amusem5t1 to pass ! "t40 8,i %\ld enjoy read+ x40 8,y exagg]ate1 9 y\r k9dness10 ,i said1 pu%+ myself high] on ! b$1 prep>+ if necess>y = a sudd5 spr+4 8,n at all4 ,if x is ab\t ,egypt1 ,i %\ld read x4 ,!re are no contempor>y acc\nts ( ?is c\ntry 444 by "o ( u40 8,i'm afraid ! details ( f9d+s 9 ! valley yond]10 ,i ge/ur$ t[>d ,libya & ! la/ acres ( ! k+s1 8won't be ( mu* use to y4 ,i avoid all m5tion ( p less ?an two mill5nia dead40 8,ev5 s40 ,b ,jessup did n pursue ! subject4 ,i relax$ a little4 8,i mu/ tell y10 he said sudd5ly1 8t ,i 0 suspici\s ( y40 ,n[ ,i ?\ght1 n[ x comes2 !n ,i 0 amus$3 "r at ! end !y arrive1 :5 x 0 too late = !m1 or = me4 8,:at =m did y\r suspicions take80 ,my fe> left me 9 "o la/ flurry1 l a bird dep>t+ 9 a cold w9d = ano!r latitude1 leav+ ! bran* :i* held x all summ] ?r\gh to )] 9 ! sn[4 8,i ?\ght y might be ! "o we h s (t5 he>d ( 444 9 leg5d1 t is3 ! enemy ( ,cave40 8,:i* enemy80 8,! nameless "o or at lea/ we "k a "p ( 8 "n if lu!ri/ is d]iv$ f x40 8,:at made y suspect me80 8,because 7 ,i an enemy ( ,cave & 7 ,i =c$ to disappe>1 ,i %\ld come to j su* a t[n 9 j su* a c\ntry z ?is40 8,p]fectly logical10 ,i agre$4 8,b !re are _m t[ns 9 ! ,arab ,league1 9 ,asia too4 ,:y suppose "o old man to be ?is my?ical villa980 ,jessup smil$4 8,intuition1 ,i'm afraid4 ,a t]rible admission f "o :o has be5 tra9$ 9 ! logic ( ,cavesword4 ,x seem$ exactly "r4 ,y're ! "r age1 ! "r nationality 444 9 any case1 ,i telephon$ ,dallas ab\t y40 ,i took ?is calmly4 8,y talk$ to ! ,*ief ,resid5t himself80 8,( c\rse n40 ,jessup 0 surpris$ at my sugge/ion4 8,"o j doesn't call ! ,*ief ,resid5t l t4 ,only ! s5ior ,resid5ts ev] talk to him p]sonally4 ,no1 ,i talk$ to an old fri5d ( m9e :o is "o or ! five pr9cipal assi/ants to ! ,hi/orian ,g5]al4 ,we 7 9 s*ool toge!r & 8 specialty is ! deviationi/s ( ! e>ly days40 8,& :at did y le>n f ?is s*ol>80 ,jessup gave me a mo/ *>m+ smile4 8,no?+ at all4 ,!re 0 no su* p]son z ,i ?\ght exi/$1 z a numb] ( p ?\ght exi/$4 ,x 0 all a leg5d 444 a p]fectly natural "o = gossip to inv5t4 ,!re 0 a good deal ( tr\ble at ! beg9n+1 especially ov] ,cavesway4 ,!re 0 ev5 a m9ority at ,dallas :i* refus$ to accept ! pr9ciple ( ,cavesway )\t :i* ( c\rse !re c\ld be no ,e/abli%m5t4 ,accord+ to ! /ories "o he>d z rec5tly z my univ]sity days1 t5 ye>s ago1 ! orig9al lu!ri/ _h l$ ! opposition to ,iris1 9 ! ,c\ncil & out4 ,= a "t x look$ z ?\gh ! ,e/abli%m5t might be brok5 9 two 7?is1 y mu/ rememb] s9ce y 7 contempor>y to x2 =tunately1 our ,hi/orical ,(fice has t5d$ m & m to view x 9 ! long p]spective & popul> works on ,cave n[ make no ref]5ce to x72 9 any case1 !re 0 an op5 break & ! m9ority 0 soon absorb$ by ! majority40 8,pa9lessly80 ,i mock$ him4 ,c\ld he be tell+ ! tru?8 or 0 ?is a trap8 ,jessup %rugg$4 8,^! ?+s are nev] )\t pa94 ,x is said t an attempt 0 made on our "m ,iris's life dur+ ! c]emony ( ,cave's a%es4 ,we /ill cont9ue x1 y "k40 8,cont9ue :at80 8,! symbolic ga!r+ ( ! a%es4 ,b ( c\rse y "k ! orig9 ( all t4 ,!re 0 a grave mis9t]pretation ( ,cave's la/ wi%es4 ,8 a%es 7 scatt]$ ov] ! ,unit$ ,/ates :5 x 0 8 wi% to be embalm$ & pres]v$4 ,iris1 ea* ye>1 travel$ to ! f\r cities ov] :i* ! a%es _h be5 di/ribut$ & %e collect$ a bit ( du/ 9 ea* city to symbolize h] ob$i5ce to ,cavesword 9 all ?+s4 ,at ,seattle1 dur+ ?is annual c]emony1 a gr\p ( lu!ri/s tri$ to assass9ate h]40 8,i rememb]10 ,i said4 ,i _h _h no h& 9 t d>k episode b x provid$ ! ,e/abli%m5t ) ! excuse !y ne$$4 ,my p>tisans 7 ?r[n 9 prison all ov] ! c\ntry4 ,! gov]nm5t1 :i* by !n 0 entirely ,cavite1 h&$ sev]al ?\s& ov] to ! ,c5t]s :]e !y 7 indoctr9at$1 end+ ! h]esy = good4 ,iris h]self _h secretly arrang$ = my escape 444 b ,jessup c\ld "k no?+ ( ?is4 8,( c\rse y "k ^! ?+s1 p]haps ev5 bett] ?an ,i s9ce y 7 alive !n4 ,=give me4 ,i h got into ! bad ,resid5tial habit ( expla9+ ! obvi\s4 ,an occupational disease40 ,he 0 dis>m+4 8,! po9t ,i'm try+ to make is t my suspicions ( y 7 unwor?y & unf\nd$ s9ce !re 0 no lead] ( ! lu!ri/s to escape2 all involv$ respond$ nicely to indoctr9ation & t 0 ! end ( x4 ,! /ory ,i he>d 9 s*ool 0 a popul> "o4 ,! sort t (t5 evolves 444 l ,lucif] & ! old ,*ri/ian ,god1 = in/ance 444 = :ite !re mu/ be black1 t k9d ( ?+4 ,except t ,cave nev] _h a major antagoni/1 o!r ?an 9 leg5d40 8,i see4 ,tell me1 !n1 if !re 0 no real lead] to ! lu!ri/s1 h[ did !y come by _! "n80 ,8 answ] 0 prompt4 8,m>t9 ,lu!r4 ,my fri5d 9 ! ,h4,o4 told me ?is morn+ ov] ! telephone4 ,someone tri$ to make an analogy1 t's all1 & ! "n /uck ?\gh1 z a rule1 ! use ( any words or concepts d]iv$ f ! dead religions is fr[n$ ^u4 ,y "k ! /ory ( ,m>t9 ,lu!r8 ,x seems t he44440 8,i "k ! /ory ( ,m>t9 ,lu!r10 ,i answ]$1 m %>ply ?an ,i int5d$4 8,n[ ,i've tir$ y40 ,jessup 0 sympa!tic4 ,he got to 8 feet4 8,i j want$ to tell y ab\t my suspicions1 t's all2 ,i ?\ght x might amuse y & p]haps br+ u clos] toge!r = ,i'd v mu* l to be y\r fri5d1 n only = ! help y c give me up "h b also because ( y\r memories ( ! old days :5 ,cave & ,iris1 8 "m1 /ill liv$40 8,iris 0 at lea/ five ye>s y\ng] ?an ,cave40 8,ev]yone kn[s t1 my fri5d4 ,%e 0 8 spiritual "m1 z %e is ours4 ',f ! d>k womb ( unbe+ we em]ge 9 ! awful light ( consci\sness f :i* ! only virtu\s escape is ,cavesway4' ,i quote f ,iris's la/ te/am5t4 ,x 0 f\nd among h] pap]s aft] h] dea?40 8,did %e take ,cavesway80 ,jessup fr[n$4 8,x is said t %e di$ ( pneumonia b _h dea? n come ^u h] unexpect$ly x 0 well kn[n t %e w\ld h tak5 ,cavesway4 ,!re has be5 consid]able debate ov] ?is at ,dallas4 ,i he> f highly plac$ p t be=e _m ye>s h pass$ !y w promulgate a new int]pretation1 apply+ only to ,iris1 :i* w e/abli% t int5t & fact are ! same1 t ?\gh %e di$ ( pneumonia %e int5d$ to take ,cavesway &1 !re=e1 took ,cavesway 9 _s & !re=e 9 fact40 8,a mo/ inspir+ def9ition40 8,x is beautifully cle>1 ?\gh p]haps difficult = an untra9$ m9d4 ,c ,i read y\r memoir80 ,8 eyes /ray$ curi\sly to ! table4 8,:5 x's f9i%$10 ,i said4 8,x's almo/ done n[4 ,9 a few days p]haps2 ,i %\ld be mo/ curi\s to see h[ x /rikes y40 8,well1 ,i won't take up any m ( y\r "t4 ,i hope y'll let me come to see y40 8,no?+ c\ld give me m pleasure40 ,& !n1 ) a pat on my %\ld] & a k9d sugge/ion t %\ld ,i *oose ,cavesway he w\ld be will+ to adm9i/] ! late/ drug1 ,jessup dep>t$4 ,i rema9$ v /ill = "s m9utes1 hold+ my brea? = long int]vals1 try+ to die4 ,!n1 9 a sudd5 rage1 ,i hurl$ my pill[ across ! room & beat ! mattress ) my fi/s3 x 0 ov]4 ,all 0 at an end except my own mis]able life :i* w soon en\gh be gone4 ,my "n eras$2 my "w subv]t$2 all t ,i mo/ dete/$ regnant 9 ! _w4 ,i c\ld h wept _h !re be5 "o te> left 9 me4 ,n[ !re is no?+ ,i c d b f9i% ?is n>rative 444 = its own sake s9ce x w be ?\ght1 ,i "k1 ! rav+s ( a mad man :5 ,jessup reads x1 z he surely w aft] ,i am dead4 ,i h tri$ n[ = sev]al h\rs to describe my la/ meet+ ) ,iris b ,i f9d t my memory is at la/ s]i\sly impair$1 ! result1 no d\bt1 ( t t9y ve9 :i* broke ?is morn+ 9 my bra94 ,x all seems a jumble4 ,i ?9k !re 7 sev]al ye>s 9 :i* ,i 0 9 opposition4 ,i ?9k t ,i _h consid]able support & ,i am almo/ sure t1 until ! attempt$ assass9ation ( ,iris at ,seattle1 ,i 0 close to dom9at+ ! ,c\ncil ( ,resid5ts4 ,! idiotic attempt on h] life1 h[ev]1 ru9$ ev]y?+4 ,%e knew ( c\rse t ,i _h _h no?+ to d ) x b %e 0 a resolute lead] & %e took ?is opportunity to annihilate my p>ty4 ,i believe we met = ! la/ "t 9 a g>d54 ,a g>d5 v l ! "o :]e we fir/ met 9 ,cali=nia4 ,no1 on ! banks ( ! ,hudson 444 ,i mu/ r]ead :at ,i h writt5 to refre% my memory4 ,x is all beg9n+ to fade rapidly4 ,9 any case1 we met 9 a g>d5 9 ! late autumn :5 all ! trees 7 b>e4 ,%e 0 :ite-hair$ !n1 ?\gh nei!r ( u 0 mu* ov] =ty4 ,i believe t %e wept a little3 = we 7 ! la/ :o _h be5 close to ,cave1 heirs bo? ?\gh n[ adv]s>ies1 %e victrix & ,i vanqui%$4 ,i nev] lov$ h] m ?an at t la/ mom5t2 ( ?is ,i am sure4 ,we talk$ ( possible places ( exile4 ,%e _h arrang$ = my passage on a %ip to ,alex&ria "u ! "n ( ,ri*>d ,hudson 7yes1 %e :o eras$ my "n1 9 h] compassion1 gave me a new "o74 ,%e did n want1 h[ev]1 to "k :]e ,i int5d$ to g f !re4 8,x w\ld be a temptation to ! o!rs10 %e said4 ,i rememb] t "o s5t5ce & ,i d rememb] ! appe>ance ( ! g>d5 ?\gh its location ,i h q =gott53 !re 0 a high wall all ar\nd x & ! smell ( mold]+ leaves 0 acrid4 ,f ! m\? ( a satyr no wat] fell 9 a mossy pool4 ,ah yes6 ! "q & ! answ]4 ,t's x ( c\rse4 ,! key4 ,i _h ne>ly lo/ x4 ,be=e ,i left1 ,i ask$ h] :at x 0 t ,cave _h said to h] :5 he 0 dy+1 ! words ! re/ ( u _h n he>d4 ,at fir/ %e hesitat$ b !n1 secure 9 h] p[] & confid5t ( h] own c\rse1 %e told me3 8,he said3 ',g5e 0 "r4'0 ,i rememb] look+ at h] ) %ock1 wait+ = h] to cont9ue1 to make "s apology = ! mon/r\sness ( h] de$s1 = h] reckless falsification ( ,cave's life & dea?4 ,b %e said no m3 !re 01 ,i suppose1 no explanation %e might h made4 ,we p>t$ )\t f>ewells1 )\t m words4 ,i left ! gray g>d5 :i* _h become bitt] cold dur+ our conv]sation4 ,i left ,am]ica t same day & my real life end$4 ,!re's m to x ?an ?is b ,i _c get x /raight 9 my m9d4 ,some?+ has happ5$ to my memory4 ,i wond] if p]haps ,i h n dream$ all ?is3 a long nightm>e draw+ to its bitt] close 9 ?is dry ru9 ( an old] _w4 ,x is late n[4 ,i /ill live ?\gh ,i am exhau/$ & indiff]5t to ev]y?+ except t viol5t liv+ sun ^: morn+ light has j ?is mom5t begun to /rike ^u ! we/]n hills across ! riv]3 all t is left1 all t ev] 01 ! r$ fire4 ,i %all n take ,cavesway ev5 ?\gh ,i die 9 pa9 & confusion4 ,anubis mu/ wait = me 9 ! valley until ! la/ &1 ev5 !n1 ,i %all /ruggle 9 8 arms = ,i "k n[ t life1 my life 0 m valuable ?an ,i knew1 m significant & virtu\s ?an ! o!r's 0 9 h] bleak victory4 ,?\gh my memory is go+ f me rapidly1 ! mean+ is cle> & unmi/akable & ,i see ! patt]n :ole at la/1 m>k$ 9 giant /rokes ^u ! air3 ,i 0 he :om ! _w await$4 ,i 0 t figure1 t messiah ^: "w might h be5 ! _w's delight1 & lib]ation4 ,b ! villa9 dea? once m undid me & to him belongs ! mom5t's triumph4 ,yet life cont9ues1 ?\gh ,i d n4 ,"t b5ds ^u itself4 ,! morn+ breaks4 ,n[ ,i w /op = x is day4 #aidg to ,novemb]1 #aiec3 ,b>ryt[n1 ,n4 ,y4