,the ,works of the ,rev4 ,john ,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,punctuation has been standardized4 ,most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for easier reading4 ,the author has used an asterisk 7997 to indicate passages he considers most worthy of attention4 ,the text may show quotations within quotations1 all set off by similar quote marks4 ,the inner quotations have been changed to alternate quote marks for improved readability4 ,characters in small caps have been replaced by all caps4 ,non-printable characteristics have been given the following ,italic text3 -- text emphasized text within italics -- text ,this book was written in a period when many words had not become standardized in their spelling4 ,words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in the text4 ,these have been left unchanged unless indicated with a ,transcriber's ,note4 ,the symbol #8' indicates the description in parenthesis has been added to an illustration4 ,this may be needed if there is no caption or if the caption does not describe the image adequately4 ,footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,transcriber's ,notes are used when making corrections to the text or to provide additional information for the modern reader4 ,these notes are identified by symbols in the text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear4 ,,the ,,works ,,of ,,the ,rev4 ,,john ,,wesley1 ,m4,a4 ,late ,fellow of ,lincoln-,college1 ,,oxford4 ,,volume ,x4 ,,bristol3 ,printed by ,,william ,,pine1 in ,wine-,street4 ,,mdcclxxii4 ,,the ,,contents ,of the ,,tenth ,,volume4 ,serious thoughts occasioned by the late ,earthquake at ,lisbon4 ,a ,collection of ,forms of ,prayer for every ,day in the week4 ,a ,collection of ,prayers for ,families4 ,an ,address to the ,clergy4 ,a short ,account of the ,death of ,thomas ,hitchens4 ,a short ,account of the ,death of ,samuel ,hitchens4 ,a short ,account of the ,life and ,death of ,nathanael ,othen4 ,some ,account of the ,life and ,death of ,matthew ,lee4 ,extract of the ,life and ,death of ,mr4 ,john ,janeway4 ,extract of the ,life and ,death of ,mr4 ,thomas ,haliburton4 ,illustration3 7 decoration7 ,,serious ,,thoughts ,occasioned by the late ,earthquake at ,,lisbon4 ,tua res agitur1 paries quum proximus ardet4 ,,thinking men generally allow that the greater part of modern ,christians are not more virtuous than the antient ,heathens3 perhaps less so2 since public spirit1 love of our country1 generous honesty and simple truth1 are scarce any where to be found4 ,on the contrary1 covetousness1 ambition1 various injustice1 luxury and falshood in every kind1 have infected every rank and denomination of people1 the clergy themselves not excepted4 ,now they who believe there is a ,god are apt to believe1 he is not well pleased with this4 ,nay1 they think1 he has intimated it very plainly1 in many parts of the ,christian world4 ,how many hundred thousand men have been swept away by war1 in ,europe only1 within half a century8 ,how many thousands1 within little more than this1 hath the earth opened her mouth and swallowed up8 ,numbers sunk at ,port-,royal1 and rose no more4 ,many thousands went quick into the pit at ,lima4 ,the whole city of ,catanea in ,sicily1 and every inhabitant of it perished together4 ,nothing but heaps of ashes and cinders shew where it stood4 ,not so much as one ,lot escaped out of ,sodom6 ,and what shall we say of the late accounts from ,portugal8 ,that some thousand houses1 and many thousand persons are no more6 ,that a fair city is now in ruinous heaps4 ,is there indeed a ,god that judges the world8 ,and is he now making inquisition for blood8 ,if so1 it is not surprizing1 he should begin there1 where so much blood has been poured on the ground like water8 ,where so many brave men have been murdered1 in the most base and cowardly1 as well as barbarous manner1 almost every day1 as well as every night1 while none regarded or laid it to the heart4 8,let them hunt and destroy the precious life1 so we may secure our stores of gold and precious stones40 ,how long has their blood been crying from the earth8 ,yea1 how long has that bloody house of mercy1 the scandal not only of all religion1 but even of human nature1 stood to insult both heaven and earth8 ,and shall ,i not visit for these things1 saith the ,lord8 ,shall not my soul be avenged of such a city as this8 ,merchants who have lived in ,portugal inform us1 that the king had a large building filled with diamonds3 and more gold stored up1 coined and uncoined1 than all the other princes of ,europe together4 ,the title which the ,inquisition of ,portugal 7if not in other countries also7 takes to itself4 ,it has been the opinion of many1 that even this nation has not been without some marks of ,god's displeasure4 ,has not war been let loose even within our own land1 so that ,london itself felt the alarm8 ,has not a pestilential sickness broken in upon our cattle1 and in many parts1 left not one of them alive8 ,and although the earth does not yet open in ,england or ,ireland1 has it not shook1 and reeled to and fro like a drunken man8 ,and that not in one or two places only1 but almost from one end of the kingdom to the other8 ,perhaps one might ask1 ,was there nothing uncommon1 nothing more than is usual at this season of the year1 in the rains1 the hail1 the winds1 the thunder and lightning1 which we have lately heard and seen8 ,particularly1 in the storm which was the same day and hour1 that they were playing off ,macbeth's thunder and lightning at the theatre4 ,one would almost think they designed this 7inasmuch as the entertainment continued1 notwithstanding all the artillery of heaven7 as a formal answer to that question1 8,canst thou thunder with an arm like him80 ,what shall we say to the affair of ,whitson ,cliffs8 ,of which were it not for the unparalleled stupidity of the ,english1 all ,england would have rang long ago1 from one sea to another4 ,and yet seven miles from the place1 they knew little more of it in ,may last1 than if it had happened in ,china or ,japan4 8,whiston0 replaced with 8,whitson0 per ,errata ,the fact 7of the truth of which any who will be at the pains of enquiring1 may soon be satisfied7 is this4 ,on ,tuesday1 ,march #beth last1 being the week before ,easter1 many persons heard a great noise near a ridge of mountains called ,black ,hamilton in ,yorkshire4 ,it was observed chiefly on the south west side of the mountain1 about a mile from the course where the ,hamilton races are run1 near a ledge of rocks1 commonly called ,whitson ,cliffs1 two miles from ,sutton1 and about five from ,thirsk4 ,the same noise was heard on ,wednesday by all who went that way4 ,on ,thursday1 about seven in the morning1 ,edward ,abbot1 weaver1 and ,adam ,bosomworth1 bleacher1 both of ,sutton1 riding under ,whitson ,cliffs1 heard a roaring 7so they termed it7 like many cannons1 or loud and rolling thunder4 ,it seemed to come from the cliffs3 looking up to which1 they saw a large body of stone1 four or five yards broad1 split and fly off from the very top of the rock4 ,they thought it strange1 but rode on4 ,between ten and eleven1 a larger piece of the rock1 about fifteen yards thick1 thirty high1 and between sixty and seventy broad1 was torn off and thrown into the valley4 ,about seven in the evening1 one who was riding by1 observed the ground to shake exceedingly1 and soon after several large stones or rocks of some tons weight each1 rose out of the ground4 ,others were thrown on one side1 others turned upside down1 and many rolled over and over4 ,being a little surprized1 and not very curious1 he hasted on his way4 ,on ,friday and ,saturday the ground continued to shake1 and the rocks to roll over one another4 ,the earth also clave asunder in very many places1 and continued so to do till ,sunday morning4 ,being at ,osmotherly1 seven miles from the cliffs1 on ,monday1 ,june #a1 and finding ,edward ,abbot there1 ,i desired him the next morning to shew me the way thither4 ,i walked1 crept and climbed round and over great part of the ruins4 ,i could not perceive by any sign1 that there was ever any cavity in the rock at all2 but one part of the solid stone is cleft from the rest1 in a perpendicular line1 and as smooth as if cut with instruments4 ,nor is it barely thrown down1 but split into many hundred pieces1 some of which lie four or five hundred yards from the main rock4 ,the ground nearest the cliff1 is not raised1 but sunk considerably beneath the level4 ,but at some distance it is raised in a ridge of eight or ten yards high1 twelve or fifteen broad1 and near an hundred long4 ,adjoining to this lies an oval piece of ground thirty or forty yards in diameter1 which has been removed whole as it is1 from beneath the cliff1 without the least fissure1 with all its load of rocks1 some of which were as large as the hull of a small ship4 ,at a little distance is a second piece of ground1 forty or fifty yards across1 which has been also transplanted intire1 with rocks of various sizes upon it1 and a tree growing out of one of them4 ,by the removal of one or both of these1 ,i suppose the hollow near the cliff was made4 ,all round them lay stones and rocks1 great and small1 some on the surface of the earth1 some half sunk into it1 some almost covered1 in variety of positions4 ,between these the ground was cleft asunder1 in a thousand places4 ,some of the apertures were nearly closed again1 some gaping as at first4 ,between thirty and forty acres of land1 as is commonly supposed1 7tho' some reckon above sixty7 are in this condition4 ,on the skirts of these1 ,i observed in abundance of places1 the green turf 7for it was pasture land7 as it were pared off1 two or three inches thick1 and wrapt round like sheets of lead4 ,a little farther it was not cleft or broken at all1 but raised in ridges1 five or six foot long1 exactly resembling the graves in a church-yard4 ,of these there is a vast number4 ,that part of the cliff from which the rest is torn1 lies so high and is now of so bright a colour1 that it is plainly visible to all the country round1 even at the distance of several miles4 ,we saw it distinctly not only from the street in ,thirsk1 but for five or six miles after1 as we rode toward ,york4 ,so we did likewise1 in the great ,north road1 between ,sandhutton and ,northallerton4 ,but how may we account for this phenomenon8 ,was it effected by a merely natural cause8 ,if so1 that cause must either have been fire1 water1 or air4 ,it could not be fire2 for then some mark of it must have appeared1 either at the time1 or after it4 ,but no such mark does appear1 nor ever did3 not so much as the least smoke1 either when the first or second rock was removed1 or in the whole space between ,tuesday and ,sunday4 ,it could not be water2 for no water issued out1 when the one or the other rock was torn off4 ,nor had there been any rains for some time before4 ,it was in that part of the country a remarkable dry season4 ,neither was there any cavity in that part of the rock1 wherein a sufficient quantity of water might have lodged4 ,on the contrary1 it was one1 single1 solid mass1 which was evenly and smoothly cleft in sunder4 ,there remains no other natural cause assignable1 but imprisoned air4 ,i say1 imprisoned3 for as to the fashionable opinion1 that the exterior air is the grand agent in earthquakes1 it is so senseless1 unmechanical1 unphilosophical a dream1 as deserves not to be named1 but to be exploded4 ,but it is hard to conceive1 how even imprisoned air could produce such an effect4 ,it might indeed shake1 tear1 raise or sink the earth1 but how could it cleave a solid rock8 ,here was not room for a quantity of it1 sufficient to do any thing of this nature2 at least1 unless it had been suddenly and violently expanded by fire1 which was not the case4 ,could a small quantity of air1 without that violent expansion1 have torn so large a body of rock from the rest1 to which it adhered in one solid mass8 ,could it have shivered this into pieces1 and scattered several of those pieces1 some hundred yards round8 ,could it have transported those promontories of earth1 with their incumbent load1 and set them down unbroken1 unchanged at a distance8 ,truly ,i am not so great a volunteer in faith1 as to be able to believe this4 ,he that supposes this1 must suppose air to be not only very strong1 7which we allow7 but a very wise agent2 while it bore its charge with so great caution1 as not to hurt or dislocate any part of it4 ,what then could be the cause8 ,what indeed1 but ,god1 who arose to shake terribly the earth3 who purposely chose such a place1 where there is so great a concourse of nobility and gentry every year2 and wrought in such a manner1 that many might see it and fear1 that all who travel one of the most frequented roads in ,england1 might see it1 almost whether they would or no1 for many miles together4 ,it must likewise for many years1 maugre all the art of man1 be a visible monument of his power4 ,all that ground being now so incumbered with rocks and stones1 that it cannot be either ploughed or grazed4 ,nor can it well serve any use1 but to tell all that see it1 ,who can stand before this great ,god8 ,who can account for the late motion in the waters8 ,not only that of the sea1 and rivers communicating therewith1 but even that in canals1 fishponds1 cisterns1 and all either large or small bodies of water8 ,it was particularly observed1 that while the water itself was so violently agitated1 neither did the earth shake at all1 nor any of the vessels which contained that water4 ,was such a thing ever known or heard of before6 ,i know not1 but it was spoken of once1 near eighteen hundred years ago1 in those remarkable words1 8,there shall be 7not only earthquakes1 but various concussions or shakings7 in divers places40 ,and so there have been in ,spain1 in ,portugal1 in ,italy1 in ,holland1 in ,england1 in ,ireland2 and not improbably in many other places too1 which we are not yet informed of4 ,yet it does not seem1 that a concussion of this kind1 has ever been known before1 since either the same1 or some other comet revolved so near the earth4 ,for we know of no other natural cause in the universe1 which is adequate to such an effect4 ,and that this is the real cause1 we may very possibly be convinced in a short time4 ,but alas6 why should we not be convinced sooner1 while that conviction may avail1 that it is not chance which governs the world8 ,why should we not now1 before ,london is as ,lisbon1 ,lima1 or ,catanea1 acknowledge the hand of the ,almighty1 arising to maintain his own cause8 ,why1 we have a general answer always ready1 to screen us from any such conviction3 8,all these things are purely natural and accidental2 the result of natural causes40 ,but there are two objections to this answer3 first1 it is untrue2 secondly1 it is uncomfortable4 ,first1 ,if by affirming1 8,all this is purely natural10 you mean1 it is not providential1 or that ,god has nothing to do with it1 this is not true1 that is1 supposing the bible to be true4 ,for supposing this1 you may discant ever so long on the natural causes of murrain1 winds1 thunder1 lightning1 and yet you are altogether wide of the mark1 you prove nothing at all1 unless you can prove1 that ,god never works in or by natural causes4 ,but this you cannot prove1 nay none can doubt of his so working1 who allows the scripture to be of ,god4 ,for this asserts in the clearest and strongest terms1 that all things 7in nature7 serve him3 that 7by or without a train of natural causes7 he sendeth his rain on the earth1 that he bringeth the winds out of his treasures1 and maketh a way for the lightning and the thunder3 in general1 that fire and hail1 snow and vapour1 wind and storm fulfil his word4 ,therefore allowing there are natural causes of all these1 they are still under the direction of the ,lord of nature4 ,nay1 what is nature itself but the art of ,god8 ,or ,god's method of acting in the material world8 ,true philosophy therefore ascribes all to ,god1 and says in the beautiful language of the wise and good man1 ,here1 like a trumpet1 loud and strong1 ,thy thunder shakes our coast2 ,while the red lightnings wave along1 ,the banners of thy host4 ,a second objection to your answer is1 it is extremely uncomfortable4 ,for if things really be as you affirm1 if all these afflictive incidents1 entirely depend on the fortuitous concourse and agency of blind1 material causes2 what hope1 what help1 what resource is left1 for the poor sufferers by them8 ,should the murrain among the cattle continue a few years longer1 and consequently produce scarcity or famine2 what will there be left for many of the poor to do1 but to lie down and die8 ,if tainted air spread a pestilence over our land1 where shall they fly for succour8 ,they cannot resist either the one or other4 ,they cannot escape from them4 ,and can they hope to appease ,illacrymabilem ,plutona8 8,inexorable ,pluto1 king of shades80 ,shall they intreat the famine or the pestilence to shew mercy8 ,alas1 they are as senseless as you suppose ,god to be4 ,however1 you who are men of fortune can shift tolerably well1 in spite of these difficulties4 ,your money will undoubtedly procure you food as long as there is any in the kingdom4 ,and if your physicians cannot secure you from the epidemic disease1 your coaches can carry you from the place of infection4 ,be it so3 but you are not out of all danger yet2 unless you can drive faster than the wind4 ,are you sure of this8 ,and are your horses literally swifter than the lightning8 ,can they leave the panting storm behind8 ,if not1 what will you do when it overtakes you8 ,try your eloquence on the whirlwind8 ,will it hear your voice8 ,will it regard either your money1 or prayers1 or tears8 ,call upon the lightning4 ,cry aloud4 ,see whether your voice will divide the flames of fire8 ,o no6 ,it hath no ears to hear4 ,it devoureth and sheweth no pity4 ,but this is not all4 ,here is a nearer enemy4 ,the earth threatens to swallow you up4 ,where is your protection now8 ,what defence do you find from thousands of gold and silver8 ,you cannot fly2 for you cannot quit the earth1 unless you will leave your dear body behind you4 ,and while you are on the earth1 you know not where to flee to1 neither where to flee from4 ,you may buy intelligence1 where the shock was yesterday1 but not where it will be to-morrowto-day4 ,it comes6 ,the roof trembles6 ,the beams crack4 ,the ground rocks to and fro4 ,hoarse thunder resounds from the bowels of the earth4 ,and all these are but the beginning of sorrows4 ,now what help8 ,what wisdom can prevent8 ,what strength resist the blow8 ,what money can purchase1 ,i will not say1 deliverance1 but an hour's reprieve8 ,poor honourable fool1 where are now thy titles8 ,wealthy fool1 where is now thy golden god8 ,if any thing can help1 it must be prayer4 ,but what wilt thou pray to8 ,not to the ,god of heaven3 you suppose him to have nothing to do with earthquakes4 ,no3 they proceed in a meerly natural way1 either from the earth itself1 or from included air1 or from subterraneous fires on waters4 ,if thou prayest then 7which perhaps you never did before7 it must be to some of these4 ,begin4 8,o earth1 earth1 earth1 hear the voice of thy children4 ,hear1 ,o air1 water1 fire60 ,and will they hear8 ,you know1 it cannot be4 ,how deplorable then is his condition1 who in such an hour has none else to flee to8 ,how uncomfortable the supposition1 which implies this1 by direct necessary consequence1 namely1 that all these things are the pure result of meerly natural causes6 ,but supposing the earthquake which made such havock at ,lisbon1 should never travel so far as ,london1 is there nothing else which can reach us8 ,what think you of a comet8 ,are we absolutely out of the reach of this8 ,you cannot say we are2 seeing these move in all directions1 and through every region of the universe4 ,and would the approach of one of these amazing spheres1 be of no importance to us8 ,especially in its return from the sun8 ,when that immense body is 7according to ,sir ,isaac ,newton's calculation7 heated two thousand times hotter than a red-hot cannon ball4 ,the late ingenious and accurate ,dr4 ,halley 7never yet suspected of enthusiasm7 fixes the return of the great comet in the year one thousand seven hundred and fifty eight3 and he observes that the last time it revolved1 it moved in the very same line which the earth describes in her annual course round the sun3 but the earth was on the other side of her orbit4 ,whereas in this revolution it will move not only in the same line1 but in the same part of that line wherein the earth moves4 ,and 8who can tell 7says that great man7 what the consequences of such a contact may be80 8,who can tell80 ,any man of common understanding1 who knows the very first elements of astronomy4 ,the immediate consequence of such a body of solid fire touching the earth must necessarily be1 that it will set the earth on fire1 and burn it to a coal1 if it do not likewise strike it out of its course2 in which case 7so far as we can judge7 it must drop down directly into the sun4 ,but what if this vast body is already on its way8 ,if it is nearer than we are aware of8 ,what if these unusual1 unprecedented motions of the waters1 be one effect of its near approach8 ,we cannot be certain1 that it will be visible to the inhabitants of our globe1 till it has imbibed the solar fire4 ,but possibly we may see it sooner than we desire4 ,we may see it1 not as ,milton speaks1 ,from its horrid hair ,shake pestilence and war3 ,but ushering in far other calamities than these1 and of more extensive influence4 ,probably it will be seen first1 drawing nearer and nearer1 till it appears as another moon in magnitude1 though not in colour1 being of a deep firey red3 then scorching and burning up all the produce of the earth1 drying away all clouds1 and so cutting off the hope or possibility of any rain or dew2 drying up every fountain1 stream and river1 causing all faces to gather blackness1 and all men's hearts to fail4 ,then executing its grand commission on the globe itself1 and causing the stars to fall from heaven4 ,o who may abide when this is done8 ,who will then be able to stand8 ,what security is there against all this1 upon the ,infidel hypothesis8 ,but upon the ,christian1 there is abundant security3 for the scripture prophecies are not yet fulfilled4 8it0 replaced with 8is0 ,quum mare1 quum tellus1 excelsaque regia cli ,ardeat1 mundi moles operosa laboret8 8operosa0 replaced with 8excelsaque0 per ,errata ,what shall we do8 ,do now1 that none of these things may come upon us unawares8 ,we are wisely and diligently providing for our defence against one enemy3 with such a watchful wisdom and active diligence1 as is a comfort to every honest ,englishman4 ,but why should we not shew the same wisdom and diligence in providing against all our enemies8 ,and if our own wisdom and strength be sufficient to defend us1 let us not seek any further4 ,let us without delay recruit our forces and guard our coasts against the famine and murrain and pestilence2 and still more carefully against immoderate rains and winds1 and lightnings and earthquakes and comets3 that we may no longer be under any painful apprehensions of any present or future danger1 but may smile 8,secure amidst the jar of elements1 ,the wreck of matter1 and the crush of worlds60 ,but if our own wisdom and strength be not sufficient to defend us1 let us not be ashamed to seek farther help4 ,let us even dare to own1 we believe there is a ,god3 nay1 and not a lazy1 indolent1 epicurean deity1 who sits at ease upon the circle of the heavens1 and neither knows nor cares what is done below3 but one who as he created heaven and earth1 and all the armies of them1 as he sustains them all by the word of his power1 so cannot neglect the work of his own hands4 ,with pleasure we own there is such a ,god1 whose eye pervades the whole sphere of created beings1 who knoweth the number of the stars1 and calleth them all by their names3 a ,god whose wisdom is as the great abyss1 deep and wide as eternity3 8,who high in power1 in the beginning said1 ,let sea1 and air1 and earth1 and heaven be made1 ,and it was so4 ,and when he shall ordain ,in other sort1 hath but to speak again1 ,and they shall be no more40 ,yet more3 whose mercy riseth above the heavens1 and his faithfulness above the clouds3 who is loving to every man1 and his mercy over all his works3 let us secure him on our side4 ,let us make this wise1 this powerful1 this gracious ,god our friend6 ,then need we not fear1 though the earth be moved and the hills be carried into the midst of the sea3 no1 not though the heavens being on fire are dissolved1 and the very elements melt with fervent heat4 ,it is enough that the ,lord of hosts is with us1 the ,god of love is our everlasting refuge4 ,but how shall we secure the favour of this great ,god8 ,how1 but by worshipping him in spirit and in truth3 by uniformly imitating him we worship1 in all his imitable perfections2 without which the most accurate systems of opinions1 all external modes of religion1 are idle cobwebs of the brain1 dull farce and empty show4 ,now ,god is love4 ,love ,god then1 and you are a true worshipper4 ,love mankind1 and ,god is your ,god1 your ,father1 and your friend4 ,but see that you deceive not your own soul2 for this is not a point of small importance4 ,and by this you may know2 if you love ,god1 then you are happy in ,god4 ,if you love ,god1 riches1 honours1 and the pleasures of sense are no more to you than bubbles on the water3 you look on dress and equipage as the tossels of a fool's cap1 diversions1 as the bells on a fool's coat4 ,if you love ,god1 ,god is in all your thoughts1 and your whole life is a sacrifice to him4 ,and if you love mankind1 it is your one design1 desire and endeavour to spread virtue and happiness all around you2 to lessen the present sorrows1 and increase the joys of every child of man2 and if it be possible1 to bring them with you to the rivers of pleasure that are at ,god's right-hand for evermore4 ,but where shall you find one who answers this happy and amiable character8 ,wherever you find a ,christian3 for this1 and this alone is real1 genuine ,christianity4 ,surely you did not imagine1 that ,christianity was no more than such a system of opinions as is vulgarly called faith8 ,or a strict and regular attendance on any kind of external worship8 ,o no6 ,were this all that it implied1 ,christianity were indeed a poor1 empty1 shallow thing3 such as none but half-thinkers could admire1 and all who think freely and generously must despise4 ,but this is not the case3 the spirit above described1 this alone1 is ,christianity4 ,and if so1 it is no wonder1 that even a celebrated unbeliever should make that frank declaration1 8,well1 after all1 these ,christian dogs1 are the happiest fellows upon earth60 ,indeed they are4 ,nay1 we may say more4 ,they are the only happy men upon earth3 and that tho' we should have no regard at all to the particular circumstances above-mentioned4 ,suppose there was no such thing as a comet in the universe1 or none that would ever approach the solar system2 suppose there had never been an earthquake in the world1 or that we were assured there never would be another3 yet what advantage has a ,christian 7,i mean always a real1 scriptural ,christian7 above all other men upon earth8 ,what advantage has he over you in particular1 if you do not believe the ,christian system8 ,for suppose you have utterly driven away storms1 lightnings1 earthquakes1 comets1 yet there is another grim enemy at the door2 and you cannot drive him away1 it is death4 8,o that death 7said a gentleman of large possessions1 of good health1 and a chearful natural temper7 ,i do not love to think of it6 it comes in and spoils all40 ,so it does indeed4 ,it comes with its 8miscreated front10 and spoils all your mirth1 diversions1 pleasures6 ,it turns all into the silence of a tomb1 into rottenness and dust4 ,and many times it will not stay till the trembling hand of old age beckons to it3 but it leaps upon you1 while you are in the dawn of life1 in the bloom and strength of your years4 8,the morning flowers display their sweets1 ,and gay their silken leaves unfold1 ,unmindful of the noon-tide heats1 ,and fearless of the evening cold4 ,nipp'd by the wind's unkindly blast1 ,parch'd by the sun's directer ray ,the momentary glories waste1 ,the short-liv'd beauties die away40 ,and where are you then8 ,does your soul disperse and dissolve into common air8 ,or does it share the fate of its former companion1 and moulder into dust6 ,or does it remain conscious of its own existence1 in some distant1 unknown world8 ',tis all unknown6 ,a black1 dreary1 melancholy scene6 ,clouds and darkness rest upon it4 ,but the case is far otherwise with a ,christian4 ,to him life and immortality are brought to light4 ,his eye pierces through the vale of the shadow of death1 and sees into the glories of eternity4 ,his view does not terminate on that black line1 8,the verge 'twixt mortal and immortal being40 ,but extends beyond the bounds of time and place1 to the house of ,god eternal in the heavens4 ,hence he is so far from looking upon death as an enemy1 that he longs to feel his welcome embrace4 ,he groans 7but they are pleasing groans7 to have mortality swallowed up of life4 ,perhaps you will say1 8,but this is all a dream4 ,he is only in a fool's paradise80 ,supposing he be1 it is a pleasing dream4 ,maneat mentis gratissimus error6 ,if he is only in a fool's paradise1 yet it is a paradise1 while you are wandering in a wide1 weary1 barren world4 ,be it folly3 his folly gives him that present happiness1 which all your wisdom cannot find4 ,so that he may now turn tables upon you and say1 8,whoe'er can ease by folly get1 ,with safety may despise ,the wretched1 unenjoying wit1 ,the miserable wise4 ,such unspeakable advantage 7even if there is none beyond death7 has a ,christian over an ,infidel6 ,it is true1 he has given up some pleasures before he could attain to this4 ,but what pleasures8 ,that of eating till he is sick3 till he weakens a strong1 or quite destroys a weak constitution4 ,he has given up the pleasure of drinking a man into a beast1 and that of ranging from one worthless creature to another1 till he brings a canker upon his estate1 and perhaps rottenness into his bones4 ,but in lieu of these1 he has now 7whatever may be hereafter7 a continual serenity of mind1 a constant evenness and composure of temper1 a peace which passeth all understanding4 ,he has learnt in every state wherein he is1 therewith to be content3 nay1 to give thanks1 as being clearly persuaded1 it is better for him than any other4 ,he feels continual gratitude to his ,supreme ,benefactor1 ,father of ,spirits1 ,parent of ,good2 and tender1 disinterested benevolence to all the children of this common ,father4 ,may the ,father of your spirit1 and the ,father of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 make you such a ,christian6 ,may he work in your soul a divine conviction of things not discerned by eyes of flesh and blood6 ,may he give you to see him that is invisible1 and to taste of the powers of the world to come2 may he fill you with all peace and joy in believing1 that you may be happy in life1 in death1 in eternity6 ,a ,,collection ,,of ,,forms of ,,prayer1 ,for every day in the week4 ,first printed in the year #agcc4 ,,sunday ,,morning4 ,,almighty ,god1 ,father of all mercies1 ,i thy unworthy servant desire to present myself1 with all humility1 before thee1 to offer my morning sacrifice of love and thanksgiving6 ,glory be to thee1 ,o most adorable ,father1 who after thou hadst finished the work of creation1 enteredst into thy eternal rest4 ,glory be to thee1 ,o holy ,jesus1 who having thro' the eternal ,spirit offered thy self a full1 perfect1 and sufficient sacrifice for the sins of the whole world1 didst rise again the third day from the dead1 and hadst all power given thee both in heaven and on earth4 ,glory be to thee1 ,o blessed ,spirit1 who proceeding from the ,father and the ,son1 didst come down in fiery tongues on the apostles on the first day of the week1 and didst enable them to preach the glad tidings of salvation to a sinful world1 and hast ever since been moving on the faces of men's souls1 as thou didst once on the face of the great deep1 bringing them out of that dark chaos in which they were involved4 ,glory be to thee1 ,o holy1 undivided ,trinity1 for jointly concurring in the great work of our redemption1 and restoring us again to the glorious liberty of the sons of ,god4 ,glory be to thee1 who in compassion to human weakness1 hast appointed a solemn day for the remembrance of thy inestimable benefits4 ,o let me ever esteem it my privilege and happiness1 to have a day set apart for the concerns of my soul1 a day free from distractions1 disengaged from the world1 wherein ,i have nothing to do but to praise and love thee4 ,o let it ever be to me a day sacred to divine love1 a day of heavenly rest and refreshment4 ,let thy holy ,spirit1 who on the first day of the week descended in miraculous gifts on thy apostles1 descend on me thy unworthy servant1 that ,i may be always in the spirit on the ,lord's day4 ,let his blessed inspiration prevent and assist me in all the duties of this thy sacred day1 that my wandring thoughts may all be fixed on thee1 my tumultuous affections composed1 and my flat and cold desires quickned into fervent longings and thirstings after thee4 ,o let me join in the prayers and praises of thy church with ardent and heavenly affection1 hear thy word with earnest attention and a fixed resolution to obey it4 ,and when ,i approach thy altar1 pour into my heart humility1 faith1 hope1 love1 and all those holy dispositions1 which become the solemn remembrance of a crucified ,saviour4 ,let me employ this whole day to the ends for which it was ordained1 in works of necessity and mercy1 in prayer1 praise1 and meditation2 and let the words of my mouth1 and the meditation of my heart be always acceptable in thy sight4 ,i know1 ,o ,lord that thou hast commanded me1 and therefore it is my duty1 to love thee with all my heart1 and with all my strength4 ,i know thou art infinitely holy and overflowing in all perfection1 and therefore it is my duty so to love thee4 ,i know thou hast created me1 and that ,i have neither being nor blessing but what is the effect of thy power and goodness4 ,i know thou art the end for which ,i was created1 and that ,i can expect no happiness but in thee4 ,i know that in love to me1 being lost in sin1 thou didst send thy only ,son1 and that he being the ,lord of glory1 did humble himself to the death upon the cross1 that ,i might be raised to glory4 ,i know thou hast provided me with all necessary helps for carrying me through this life to that eternal glory1 and this out of the excess of thy pure mercy to me1 unworthy of all mercies4 ,i know thou hast promised to be thyself my exceeding great reward4 ,though it is thou alone who thyself workest in me1 both to will and to do1 of thy good pleasure4 ,upon these and many other titles1 ,i confess it is my duty1 to love thee my ,god1 with all my heart4 ,give thy strength unto thy servant1 that thy love may fill my heart1 and be the motive of all the use ,i make of my understanding1 my affections1 my senses1 my health1 my time1 and whatever other talents ,i have received from thee4 ,let this1 ,o ,god1 rule my heart1 without a rival3 let it dispose all my thoughts1 words1 and works2 and thus only can ,i fulfil my duty and thy command1 of loving thee with all my heart1 and mind1 and soul1 and strength4 ,o thou infinite goodness1 confirm thy past mercies to me1 by enabling me for what remains of my life1 to be more faithful than ,i have hitherto been1 to this thy great command4 ,for the time ,i have yet to sojourn upon earth1 ,o let me fulfil this great duty4 ,permit me not to be in any delusion here3 let me not trust in words1 or sighs1 or tears1 but love thee even as thou hast commanded4 ,let me feel1 and then ,i shall know what it is1 to love thee with all my heart4 ,o merciful ,god1 whatsoever thou deniest me1 deny me not this love4 ,save me from the idolatry of loving the world1 or any of the things of the world4 ,let me never love any creature1 but for thy sake1 and in subordination to thy love4 ,take thou the full possession of my heart1 raise there thy throne1 and command there1 as thou dost in heaven4 ,being created by thee1 let me live to thee2 being created for thee1 let me ever act for thy glory2 being redeemed by thee1 let me render unto thee what is thine1 and let my spirit ever cleave to thee alone6 ,let the prayers and sacrifices of thy holy church offered unto thee this day1 be graciously accepted2 cloath thy priests with righteousness1 and pardon all thy people who are not prepared according to the preparation of the sanctuary4 ,prosper all those who are sincerely engaged in propagating or promoting thy faith and love 773 ,give thy ,son the ,heathen for his inheritance1 and the utmost parts of the earth for his possession3 that from the rising up of the sun unto the going down of the same1 thy name may be great among the ,gentiles4 ,enable us of this nation1 and especially those whom thou hast set over us in church and state1 in our several stations1 to serve thee in all holiness1 and to know the love of ,christ which passeth knowledge4 ,continue to us the means of grace1 and grant we may never provoke thee by our non-improvement to deprive us of them4 ,pour down thy blessing upon our universities1 that they may ever promote true religion and sound learning4 ,shew mercy1 ,o ,lord1 to my father and mother1 my brothers and sisters1 to all my friends 77 relations and enemies1 and to all that are in affliction4 ,let thy fatherly hand be over them1 and thy holy ,spirit ever with them2 that submitting themselves entirely to thy will1 and directing all their thoughts1 words and works to thy glory1 they and those that are already dead in the ,lord1 may at length enjoy thee1 in the glories of thy kingdom1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord1 who liveth and reigneth with thee and the ,holy ,ghost1 one ,god1 blessed for ever4 ,here mention the particular persons you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,sunday ,,evening4 ,general questions which a serious ,christian may propose to himself1 before he begins his evening devotions4 #a4 ,with what degree of attention and fervour did ,i use my morning prayers1 public or private8 #b4 ,have ,i done any thing without a present1 or at least a previous perception of its direct1 or remote tendency to the glory of ,god8 #c4 ,did ,i in the morning consider1 what particular virtue ,i was to exercise1 and what business ,i had to do in the day8 #d4 ,have ,i been zealous to undertake1 and active in doing what good ,i could8 #e4 ,have ,i interested myself any farther in the affairs of others1 than charity required8 #f4 ,have ,i1 before ,i visited1 or was visited1 considered how ,i might thereby give or receive improvement8 #g4 ,have ,i mentioned any failing or fault of any man1 when it was not necessary for the good of another8 #h4 ,have ,i unnecessarily grieved any one by word or deed8 8necessarily0 replaced with 8unnecessarily0 per ,errata #i4 ,have ,i before1 or in every action considered1 how it might be a means of improving in the virtue of the day8 ,particular questions relative to the love of ,,god4 #a4 ,have ,i set apart some of this day1 to think upon his perfections and mercies8 #b4 ,have ,i laboured to make this day1 a day of heavenly rest1 sacred to divine love8 #c4 ,have ,i employed those parts of it in works of necessity and mercy1 which were not employed in prayer1 reading1 and meditation8 ,o ,,my ,father1 my ,god1 ,i am in thy hand2 and may ,i rejoice above all things in being so3 do with me what seemeth good in thy sight3 only let me love thee with all my mind1 soul1 and strength4 ,i magnify thee for granting me to be born in thy church1 and of religious parents2 for washing me in thy baptism1 and instructing me in thy doctrine of truth and holiness2 for sustaining me by thy gracious providence1 and guiding me by thy blessed ,spirit2 for admitting me1 with the rest of my ,christian brethren1 to wait on thee at thy public worship3 and for so often feeding my soul with thy most precious body and blood1 those pledges of love1 and sure conveyances of strength and comfort4 ,o be gracious unto all of us1 whom thou hast this day or at any time admitted to thy holy table4 ,strengthen our hearts in thy ways against all our temptations1 and make us more than conquerors in thy love4 ,o my ,father1 my ,god1 deliver me1 ,i beseech thee1 from all violent passions3 ,i know how greatly obstructive these are1 both of the knowledge and love of thee2 ,o let none of them find a way into my heart1 but let me ever possess my soul in meekness4 ,o my ,god1 ,i desire to fear them more than death2 let me not serve these cruel tyrants2 but do thou reign in my breast2 let me ever be thy servant and love thee with all my heart4 ,deliver me1 ,o ,god1 from too intense an application to even necessary business4 ,i know how this dissipates my thoughts from the one end of all my business1 and impairs that lively perception ,i would ever retain of thee standing at my right-hand4 ,i know the narrowness of my heart1 and that an eager attention to earthly things leaves it no room for the things of heaven4 ,o teach me to go through all my employments with so truly disengaged a heart1 that ,i may still see thee in all things1 and see thee therein as continually looking upon me1 and searching my reins2 and that ,i may never impair that liberty of spirit1 which is necessary for the love of thee4 ,deliver me1 ,o ,god1 from a slothful mind1 from all lukewarmness1 and all dejection of spirit3 ,i know these cannot but deaden my love to thee2 mercifully free my heart from them1 and give me a lively1 zealous1 active and chearful spirit2 that ,i may vigorously perform whatever thou commandest1 thankfully suffer whatever thou chusest for me1 and be ever ardent to obey in all things thy holy love4 ,deliver me1 ,o ,god1 from all idolatrous love of any creature4 ,i know infinite numbers have been lost to thee1 by loving those creatures for their own sake1 which thou permittest1 nay1 even commandest to love subordinately to thee4 ,preserve me1 ,i beseech thee1 from all such blind affection3 be thou a guard to all my desires1 that they fix on no creature any farther than the love of it tends to build me up in the love of thee4 ,thou requirest me to love thee with all my heart3 ,undertake for me1 ,i beseech thee1 and be thou my security1 that ,i may never open my heart to any thing1 but out of love to thee4 ,above all1 deliver me1 ,o my ,god1 from all idolatrous self-love4 ,i know1 ,o ,god 7blessed be thy infinite mercy for giving me this knowledge7 that this is the root of all evil4 ,i know1 thou madest me1 not to do my own will but thine4 ,i know1 the very corruption of the devil is1 the having a will contrary to thine4 ,o be thou my helper against this most dangerous of all idols1 that ,i may both discern all its subtleties1 and withstand all its force4 ,o thou who hast commanded me to renounce myself1 give me strength1 and ,i will obey thy command4 ,my choice and desire is1 to love myself1 as all other creatures1 in and for thee4 ,o let thy almighty arm so stablish1 strengthen and settle me1 that thou mayst ever be the ground and pillar of all my love4 ,by this love of thee1 my ,god1 may my soul1 be fixed against its natural inconstancy3 by this may it be reduced to an entire indifference as to all things else1 and simply desire what is pleasing in thy sight4 ,may this holy flame ever warm my breast1 that ,i may serve thee with all my might2 and let it consume in my heart all selfish desires that ,i may in all things regard1 not myself but thee4 ,o my ,god1 let thy glorious name be duly honoured and loved by all the creatures which thou hast made4 ,let thy infinite goodness and greatness be ever adored by all angels and men4 ,may thy church1 the ,catholic seminary of divine love1 be protected from all the powers of darkness4 ,o vouchsafe to all1 who call themselves by thy name1 one short glimpse of thy goodness4 ,may they once taste and see how gracious thou art1 that all things else may be tasteless to them2 that their desires may be always flying up towards thee1 that they may render thee love1 and praise1 and obedience pure and chearful1 constant and zealous1 universal and uniform1 like that the holy angels render thee in heaven4 ,send forth thy blessed ,spirit into the midst of these sinful nations1 and make us a holy people3 stir up the heart of our sovereign1 of the royal family1 of the clergy1 the nobility1 and of all whom thou hast set over us1 that they may be happy instruments in thy hand1 of promoting this good work3 be gracious to the universities1 to the gentry and commons of this land1 and comfort all that are in affliction2 let the trial of their faith work patience in them1 and perfect them in hope and love 774 ,here mention the particular persons you would pray for4 ,bless my father1 c4 my friends and relations1 and all that belong to this family2 all that have been instrumental to my good1 by their assistance1 advice1 example1 or writing1 and all that do not pray for themselves4 ,change the hearts of mine enemies1 and give me grace to forgive them1 even as thou for ,christ's sake forgivest us4 ,o thou ,shepherd of ,israel1 vouchsafe to receive me this night and ever1 into thy protection2 accept my poor services1 and pardon the sinfulness of these and all my holy duties4 ,o let it be thy good pleasure shortly to put a period to sin and misery1 to infirmity and death1 to compleat the number of thine elect1 and to hasten thy kingdom2 that we1 and all that wait for thy salvation1 may eternally love and praise thee1 ,o ,god the ,father1 ,god the ,son1 and ,god the ,holy ,ghost1 throughout all ages1 world without end4 ,our ,father1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,monday ,,morning4 ,general questions1 which may be used every morning4 ,did ,i think of ,god first and last8 ,have ,i examined myself how ,i behaved since last night's retirement8 ,am ,i resolved to do all the good ,i can this day1 and to be diligent in the business of my calling8 ,o ,,god1 who art the giver of all good gifts1 ,i thy unworthy servant1 entirely desire to praise thy name for all the expressions of thy bounty towards me4 ,blessed be thy love for giving thy ,son to die for our sins1 for the means of grace1 and for the hope of glory4 ,blessed be thy love for all the temporal benefits which thou hast with a liberal hand poured out upon me2 for my health and strength1 food and raiment1 and all other necessaries with which thou hast provided thy sinful servant4 ,i also bless thee that1 after all my refusals of thy grace1 thou still hast patience with me1 hast preserved me this night1 77 and given me yet another day1 to renew and perfect my repentance4 ,pardon1 good ,lord1 all my former sins1 and make me every day more zealous and diligent to improve every opportunity of building up my soul in thy faith1 and love1 and obedience3 make thyself always present to my mind1 and let thy love fill and rule my soul1 in all those places1 and companies1 and employments1 to which thou callest me this day4 ,in all my passage through this world1 suffer not my heart to be set upon it3 but always fix my single eye1 and my undivided affections on the prize of my high calling6 ,this one thing let me do2 let me so press toward this1 as to make all things else minister unto it2 and be careful so to use them1 as thereby to fit my soul for that pure bliss1 which thou hast prepared for those that love thee6 ,here you may mention any particular mercy received4 ,o thou1 who art good and dost good1 who extendest thy loving-kindness to all mankind1 the work of thine hands1 thine image1 capable of knowing and loving thee eternally3 suffer me to exclude none1 ,o ,lord1 from my charity1 who are the objects of thy mercy2 but let me treat all my neighbours with that tender love1 which is due to thy servants and to thy children4 ,thou hast required this mark of my love to thee3 ,o let no temptation expose me to ingratitude1 or make me forfeit thy loving kindness which is better than life itself6 ,but grant that ,i may assist all my brethren with my prayers1 where ,i cannot reach them with actual services4 ,make me zealous to embrace all occasions that may administer to their happiness1 by assisting the needy1 protecting the oppressed1 instructing the ignorant1 confirming the wavering1 exhorting the good1 and reproving the wicked4 ,let me look upon the failings of my neighbour as if they were my own2 that ,i may be grieved for them1 that ,i may never reveal them but when charity requires1 and then with tenderness and compassion4 ,let thy love to me1 ,o blessed ,saviour1 be the pattern of my love to him4 ,thou thoughtest nothing too dear to part with1 to rescue me from eternal misery3 ,o let me think nothing too dear to part with to set forward the everlasting good of my fellow ,christians4 ,they are members of thy body2 therefore ,i will cherish them4 ,thou hast redeemed them with an inestimable price2 assisted by thy holy ,spirit1 therefore ,i will endeavour to recover them from a state of destruction3 that thus adorning thy holy gospel1 by doing good according to my power1 ,i may at last be received into the endearments of thy eternal love1 and sing everlasting praise unto the ,lamb1 that was slain and sitteth on the throne for ever4 ,extend1 ,i humbly beseech thee1 thy mercy to all men1 and let them become thy faithful servants4 ,let all ,christians live up to the holy religion they profess2 especially these sinful nations4 ,be intreated for us1 good ,lord2 be glorified by our reformation1 and not by our destruction4 ,turn thou us1 and so shall we be turned3 ,o be favourable to thy people2 give us grace to put a period to our provocations1 and do thou put a period to our punishment4 ,defend our church from schism1 heresy1 and sacrilege1 and the king from all treasons and conspiracies4 ,bless all bishops1 priests and deacons1 with apostolical graces1 exemplary lives1 and sound doctrine4 ,grant to the council wisdom from above1 to all magistrates integrity and zeal1 to the universities quietness and industry1 and to the gentry and commons1 pious and peaceable1 and loyal hearts4 ,preserve my parents1 my brothers and sisters1 my friends and relations1 and all mankind1 in their souls and bodies 774 ,forgive mine enemies1 and in thy due time make them kindly affected towards me4 ,have mercy on all who are afflicted in mind1 body1 or estate3 give them patience under their sufferings1 and a happy issue out of all their afflictions4 ,o grant that we1 with those who are already dead in thy faith and fear may together partake of a joyful resurrection1 through him who liveth and reigneth with thee and the ,holy ,ghost1 one ,god1 world without end4 ,here mention the particular persons you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,monday ,,evening4 ,particular questions relating to the love of our neighbour4 #a4 ,have ,i thought any thing but my conscience1 too dear to part with1 to please or serve my neighbour8 #b4 ,have ,i rejoiced or grieved with him8 #c4 ,have ,i received his infirmities with pity1 not with anger8 #d4 ,have ,i contradicted any one1 either where ,i had no good end in view1 or where there was no probability of convincing8 #e4 ,have ,i let him1 ,i thought in the wrong 7in a trifle7 have the last word8 8triflle0 replaced with 8trifle0 ,,most great and glorious ,lord ,god1 ,i desire to prostrate myself before thy divine ,majesty1 under a deep sense of my unworthiness1 and with sorrow1 and shame1 and confusion of face1 to confess ,i have1 by my manifold transgressions1 deserved thy severest visitations1 ,father1 ,i have sinned against heaven1 and am no more worthy to be called thy son3 ,o let thy paternal bowels yern upon me1 and for ,jesus ,christ's sake graciously receive me4 ,accept my imperfect repentance1 and send thy ,spirit of adoption into my heart1 that ,i may again be owned by thee1 call thee ,father1 and share in the blessings of thy children4 ,adored be thy goodness for all the benefits thou hast already from time to time bestowed on me3 for the good things of this life1 and the hope of eternal happiness4 ,particularly1 ,i offer to thee my humblest thanks for thy preservation of me this day1 774 ,if ,i have escaped any sin1 it is the effect of thy restraining grace3 if ,i have avoided any danger1 it was thy hand directed me4 ,to thy holy name be ascribed the honour and glory4 ,o let the sense of all thy blessings have this effect upon me1 to make me daily more diligent in devoting myself1 all ,i am1 and all ,i have to thy glory4 ,here mention the particular persons you would pray for4 ,o my ,god1 fill my soul with so entire a love of thee1 that ,i may love nothing but for thy sake1 and in subordination to thy love4 ,give me grace to study thy knowledge daily1 that the more ,i know thee1 the more ,i may love thee4 ,create in me a zealous obedience to all thy commands1 a chearful patience under all thy chastisements1 and a thankful resignation to all thy disposals4 ,may ,i ever have awful thoughts of thee1 never mention thy venerable name1 unless on just1 solemn1 and devout occasions2 nor even then1 without acts of adoration4 ,o let it be the one business of my life to glorify thee1 by every thought of my heart1 by every word of my tongue1 by every work of my hand2 by professing thy truth1 even to the death1 if it should please thee to call me to it2 and by engaging all men1 as far as in me lies1 to glorify and love thee4 ,let thy unwearied and tender love to me1 make my love unwearied and tender to my neighbour1 zealous to pray for1 and to procure and promote his health and safety1 ease and happiness2 and active to comfort1 succour1 and relieve all whom thy love and their own necessities recommend to my charity4 ,make me peaceful and reconcilable2 easy to forgive1 and glad to return good for evil4 ,make me like thyself1 all kindness and benignity1 all goodness and gentleness1 all meekness and long-suffering4 ,and1 ,o thou lover of souls1 raise in me a compassionate zeal to save the life1 the eternal life of souls1 and by affectionate and seasonable advice1 exhortations and reproof1 to reclaim the wicked1 and win them to thy love4 8give0 replaced with 8forgive0 per ,errata ,be pleased1 ,o ,lord1 to take me1 with my father and mother1 brethren and sisters1 my friends and relations1 and my enemies1 into thy almighty protection this night4 ,refresh me with such comfortable rest that ,i may rise more fit for thy service4 ,let me lie down with holy thoughts of thee1 and when ,i awake let me be still present with thee4 ,shew mercy to the whole world1 ,o ,father of all2 let the gospel of thy ,son run and be glorified throughout all the earth4 ,let it be made known to all infidels1 and obeyed by all ,christians4 ,be merciful to this church and nation2 give unto thy bishops a discerning spirit1 that they may make choice of fit persons to serve in thy sacred ministry2 and enable all who are ordained to any holy function1 diligently to feed the flocks committed to their charge1 instructing them in saving knowledge1 guiding them by their examples1 praying for and blessing them1 exercising spiritual discipline in thy church1 and duly administring thy holy sacraments4 ,multiply thy blessings on our sovereign1 on the royal family1 and on the nobles1 magistrates1 gentry and commons of this land2 that they may all1 according to the several talents they have received1 be faithful instruments of thy glory4 ,give to our schools and universities1 zeal1 prudence and holiness1 visit in mercy all the children of affliction1 774 ,relieve their necessities1 lighten their burthens2 give them a chearful submission to thy gracious will1 and at length bring them and us1 with those that already rest from their labours1 into the joy of our ,lord1 to whom with thee1 ,o ,father1 and thee1 ,o ,holy ,ghost1 be all praise1 now and for ever4 ,here mention the particular persons you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tuesday ,,morning4 ,o ,,eternal and merciful ,father1 ,i give thee humble thanks 7increase my thankfulness1 ,i beseech thee7 for all the blessings1 spiritual and temporal1 which in the riches of thy mercy thou hast poured down upon me4 ,lord1 let me not live but to love thee1 and to glorify thy name4 ,particularly ,i give thee most unfeigned thanks for preserving me from my birth to this moment and for bringing me safe to the beginning of this day 77 in which1 and in all the days of my life1 ,i beseech thee that all my thoughts1 words1 and works may tend to thy glory4 ,heal ,o ,father of mercies1 all my infirmities 771 strengthen me against all my follies2 forgive me all my sins 771 and let them not cry louder in thine ears for vengeance1 than my prayers for mercy and forgiveness4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,o blessed ,lord1 enable me to fulfil thy commands1 and command what thou wilt4 ,o thou ,saviour of all that trust in thee1 do with me what seemeth best in thine own eyes3 only give me the mind which was in thee3 let me learn of thee to be meek and lowly4 ,pour into me the whole ,spirit of humility2 fill1 ,i beseech thee1 every part of my soul with it1 and make it the constant1 ruling habit of my mind1 that all my other tempers may arise from it3 that ,i may have no thoughts1 no desires1 no designs1 but such as are the true fruit of a lowly spirit4 ,grant that ,i may think of myself as ,i ought to think1 that ,i may know myself1 even as ,i am known4 ,herein may ,i exercise myself continually1 when ,i lie down and when ,i rise up1 that ,i may always appear poor1 and little1 and mean1 and base1 and vile in mine own eyes4 ,o convince me1 that ,i have neither learned wisdom1 nor have the knowledge of the holy4 ,give me a lively sense that ,i am nothing1 that ,i have nothing1 and that ,i can do nothing4 ,enable me to feel that ,i am all ignorance and error1 weakness and uncleanness1 sin and misery2 that ,i am not worthy of the air ,i breathe1 the earth ,i tread upon1 or the sun that shines upon me4 ,and let me be fully content when all other men think of me as ,i do of myself4 ,o save me from either desiring or seeking the honour that cometh of men4 ,convince me that the words of praise1 when smoother than oil1 then especially are very swords4 ,give me to dread them more than the poison of asps1 or the pestilence that walketh in darkness4 ,and when these cords of pride1 these snares of death do overtake me1 suffer me not to take any pleasure in them1 but enable me instantly to flee unto thee1 ,o ,lord1 and to complain unto my ,god4 ,let all my bones cry out1 ,thou art worthy to be praised2 so shall ,i be safe from mine enemies4 ,bless1 ,o gracious ,father1 all the nations whom thou hast placed upon the earth1 with the knowledge of thee1 the only true ,god3 ,but especially bless thy holy catholic church1 and fill it with truth and grace2 where it is corrupt1 purge it2 where it is in error1 rectify it2 where it is right1 confirm it2 where it is divided and rent asunder1 heal the breaches thereof1 ,o thou holy one of ,israel4 ,replenish all whom thou hast called to any office therein1 with truth of doctrine and innocency of life4 ,let their prayers be as precious incense in thy sight1 that their cries and tears for the city of their ,god may not be in vain4 8an0 replaced with 8any0 per ,errata ,o ,lord1 hear the king in the day of his trouble2 let thy name1 ,o ,god1 defend him4 ,grant him his heart's desire1 and fulfil all his mind4 ,set his heart firm upon thee1 and upon other things only as they are in and for thee4 ,o defend him and his royal relations from thy holy heaven1 even with the saving strength of thy right-hand4 ,have mercy upon this kingdom1 and forgive the sins of this people3 turn thee unto us1 bless us1 and cause thy face to shine on our desolations4 ,inspire the nobles and magistrates with prudent zeal1 the gentry and commons1 with humble loyalty4 ,pour down thy blessings on all seminaries of true religion and learning1 that they may remember and answer the end of their institution4 ,comfort all the sons and daughters of affliction1 especially those who suffer for righteousness sake4 ,bless my father and mother1 my brethren and sisters1 my friends and relations1 and all that belong to this family4 ,forgive all who are mine enemies1 and so reconcile them to me and thyself1 that we all1 together with those that now sleep in thee1 may awake to life everlasting1 through thy merits and intercession1 ,o blessed ,jesus2 to whom with the ,father and the ,holy ,ghost1 be ascribed by all creatures1 all honour1 and might1 and wisdom1 and glory1 and blessing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tuesday ,,evening4 ,particular questions relating to humility4 #a4 ,have ,i laboured to conform all my thoughts1 words and actions to these fundamental maxims2 ,i am nothing1 ,i have nothing1 ,i can do nothing8 #b4 ,have ,i set apart some time this day1 to think upon my infirmities1 follies and sins8 #c4 ,have ,i ascribed to myself any part of any good which ,god did by my hand8 #d4 ,have ,i said or done any thing1 with a view to the praise of men8 #e4 ,have ,i desired the praise of men8 #f4 ,have ,i taken pleasure in it8 #g4 ,have ,i commended myself1 or others1 to their faces1 unless for ,god's sake1 and then with fear and trembling8 #h4 ,have ,i despised any one's advice8 #i4 ,have ,i1 when ,i thought so1 said1 ,i am in the wrong8 #aj4 ,have ,i received contempt for things indifferent1 with meekness3 ,for doing my duty1 with joy8 #aa4 ,have ,i omitted justifying myself where the glory of ,god was not concerned8 ,have ,i submitted to be thought in the wrong8 #ab4 ,have ,i1 when contemned1 first prayed ,god it might not discourage1 or puff me up3 secondly that it might not be imputed to the contemner3 thirdly that it might heal my pride8 #ac4 ,have ,i1 without some particular good in view1 mentioned the contempt ,i had met with8 ,i ,,desire to offer unto thee1 ,o ,lord1 my evening sacrifice1 the sacrifice of a contrite spirit4 ,have mercy upon me1 ,o ,god1 after thy great goodness1 and after the multitude of thy mercies do away mine offences4 ,let thy unspeakable mercy free me from the sins ,i have committed1 and deliver me from the punishment ,i have deserved 774 ,o save me from every work of darkness1 and cleanse me from all filthiness of flesh and spirit1 that1 for the time to come1 ,i may with a pure heart and mind follow thee the only true ,god4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,o ,lamb of ,god1 who both by thy example and precept didst instruct us to be meek and humble1 give me grace throughout my whole life1 in every thought1 and word and work1 to imitate thy meekness and humility4 ,o mortify in me the whole body of pride3 grant me to feel that ,i am nothing and have nothing1 and that ,i deserve nothing but shame and contempt1 but misery and punishment4 ,grant1 ,o ,lord1 that ,i may look for nothing1 claim nothing1 and that ,i may go through all the scenes of life1 not seeking my own glory1 but looking wholly unto thee1 and acting wholly for thee4 ,let me never speak any word that may tend to my own praise1 unless the good of my neighbour require it4 ,and even then let me beware1 lest to heal another1 ,i wound my own soul4 ,let my ears and my heart be ever shut to the praise that cometh of men1 and let me refuse to hear the voice of the charmer1 charm he never so sweetly4 ,give me a dread of applause1 in whatsoever form1 and from whatsoever tongue it cometh4 ,i know that many stronger men have been slain by it1 and that it leadeth to the chambers of death4 ,o deliver my soul from this snare of hell2 neither let me spread it for the feet of others4 ,whosoever perish thereby1 be their blood upon their own head1 and let not my hand be upon them4 ,o thou giver of every good and perfect gift1 if at any time thou pleasest to work by my hand1 teach me to discern what is my own from what is another's1 and to render unto thee the things that are thine4 ,as1 all the good that is done on earth1 thou dost it thyself1 let me ever return to thee all the glory4 ,let me1 as a pure chrystal1 transmit all the light thou pourest upon me2 but never claim as my own what is thy sole property4 ,o thou who wert despised and rejected of men1 when ,i am slighted by my friends1 disdained by my superiors1 overborn1 or ridiculed by my equals1 or contemptuously treated by my inferiors1 let me cry out with thy holy martyr1 8,it is now that ,i begin to be a disciple of ,christ40 ,then let me thankfully accept1 and faithfully use the happy occasion of improving in thy meek and lowly ,spirit4 ,if for thy sake men cast out my name as evil1 let me rejoice1 and be exceeding glad4 ,if for my own infirmities1 yet let me acknowledge thy goodness1 in giving me this medicine to heal my pride and vanity1 and beg thy mercy for those physicians of my soul1 by whose hands it is administered to me4 ,ignatius4 ,make me to remember thee on my bed1 and think upon thee when ,i am waking3 thou hast preserved me from all the dangers of the day past3 thou hast been my support from my youth up until now3 under the shadow of thy wings let me pass this night in comfort and peace4 ,o thou ,creator and preserver of all mankind1 have mercy upon all conditions of men3 purge thy holy ,catholic church from all heresy1 schism1 and superstition4 ,bless our sovereign in his person1 in his actions1 in his relations1 and in his people4 ,may it please thee to endue his council1 and all the nobility1 with grace1 wisdom1 and understanding2 the magistrates with equity1 courage and prudence2 the gentry with industry and temperance2 and all the commons of this land1 with increase of grace1 and a holy1 humble1 thankful spirit4 ,o pour upon our whole church1 and especially upon the clergy thereof1 the continual dew of thy blessing4 ,grant to our universities peace and piety1 and to all that labour under affliction1 constant patience and timely deliverance4 ,bless all my kindred1 7especially my father and mother1 my brothers and sisters7 and all my friends and benefactors 774 ,turn the hearts of my enemies 772 forgive them and me all our sins1 and grant that we and all the members of thy holy church1 may find mercy in the dreadful day of judgment1 through the mediation and satisfaction of thy blessed ,son ,jesus ,christ1 to whom with thee and the ,holy ,ghost the comforter1 be all honour1 praise and thanksgiving1 in all the churches of the saints for ever4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,wednesday ,,morning4 ,o ,,thou who dwellest in the light which no man can approach1 in whose presence there is no night1 in the light of whose countenance there is perpetual day3 ,i thy sinful servant1 whom thou hast preserved this night1 who live by thy power this day1 bless and glorify thee1 for the defence of thy almighty providence1 77 and humbly pray thee1 that this1 and all my days may be wholly devoted to thy service4 ,send thy ,holy ,spirit to be the guide of all my ways1 and the sanctifier of my soul and body4 ,save1 defend1 and build me up in thy fear and love2 give unto me the light of thy countenance1 peace from heaven1 and the salvation of my soul in the day of the ,lord ,jesus4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,o ,thou who art the way1 the truth1 and the life1 thou hast said no man can follow thee1 unless he renounce himself4 ,i know1 ,o ,saviour1 that thou hast laid nothing upon us but what the design of thy love made necessary for us4 ,thou sawest our disease1 our idolatrous self-love1 whereby we fell away from ,god1 to be as gods ourselves1 to please ourselves1 and to do our own will4 ,lo1 ,i come6 ,may ,i ever renounce my own1 and do thy blessed will in all things6 ,i know1 ,o ,god1 thou didst empty thyself of thy eternal glory1 and tookest upon thee the form of a servant4 ,thou who madest all men to serve and please thee1 didst not please thyself1 but wast the servant of all4 ,thou ,o ,lord of the hosts of heaven and earth1 didst yield thy cheeks to be smitten1 thy back to be scourged1 and thy hands and feet to be nailed to an accursed tree4 ,thus didst thou1 our great ,master1 renounce thyself3 ,and can we think much of renouncing our vile selves8 ,my ,lord and my ,god1 let me not presume to be above my master6 ,let it be the one desire of my heart1 to be as my master1 to do not my own will1 but the will of him that sent me4 ,o thou whose whole life did cry aloud1 ,father1 not mine1 but thy will be done1 give me grace to walk after thy pattern1 to tread in thy steps4 ,give me grace to take up my cross daily1 to inure myself to bear hardship4 ,let me exercise myself unto godliness betimes1 before the rains descend and the floods beat upon me3 ,let me now practise what is not pleasing to flesh and blood1 what is not agreeable to my senses1 appetites1 and passions1 that ,i may not hereafter renounce thee1 for fear of suffering for thee1 but may stand firm in the day of my visitation4 99,o thou1 who didst not please thyself1 altho' for thy pleasure all things are and were created1 let some portion of thy spirit descend on me1 that ,i may deny myself and follow thee4 ,strengthen my soul that ,i may be temperate in all things2 that ,i may never use any of thy creatures but in order to some end thou commandest me to pursue1 and in that measure and manner which most conduces to it4 ,let me never gratify any desire1 which has not thee for its ultimate object4 ,let me ever abstain from all pleasures1 which do not prepare me for taking pleasure in thee1 as knowing that all such war against the soul1 and tend to alienate it from thee4 ,o save me from ever indulging either the desire of the flesh1 the desire of the eye1 or the pride of life4 ,set a watch1 ,o ,lord1 over my senses and appetites1 my passions and understanding1 that ,i may resolutely deny them every gratification1 which has no tendency to thy glory4 ,o train me up in this good way1 that when ,i am old ,i may not depart from it3 that ,i may be at length of a truly mortified heart1 crucified unto the world1 and the world crucified unto me4 ,hear also my prayers for all mankind1 and guide their feet into the way of peace3 for thy holy ,catholic church1 let her live by thy ,spirit1 and reign in thy glory4 ,remember that branch of it which thou hast planted in these kingdoms2 especially the stewards of thy holy mysteries2 give them such zeal1 and diligence1 and wisdom1 that they may save both themselves and those that hear them4 ,preserve1 ,o great ,king of heaven and earth1 all ,christian princes1 especially our sovereign and his family4 ,grant that his council1 and all that are in authority under him1 may truly and indifferently administer justice4 ,and to all thy people give thy heavenly grace1 that they may faithfully serve thee all the days of their life4 ,bless the universities with prudence1 unity1 and holiness4 ,however the way of truth be evil spoken of1 may they walk in it even to the end4 ,whoever forget or blaspheme their high calling1 may they ever remember1 that they are a chosen generation1 a royal priesthood1 an holy nation1 a peculiar people3 and accordingly1 shew forth the praise of him1 who hath called them out of darkness into his marvellous light4 ,with a propitious eye1 ,o gracious ,lord1 behold all my enemies1 and all that are in affliction2 give them patience under their sufferings1 and grant that they1 and all the members of thy church1 may find rest1 where the wicked cease from troubling1 and mercy in the great day of trial4 ,in particular ,i commend to thy mercy1 my father and mother1 my brethren and sisters1 my friends and relations 774 ,lord1 thou best knowest all their wants2 ,o suit thy blessings to their several necessities4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,let these my prayers1 ,o ,lord1 find access to the throne of grace1 through the ,son of thy love1 ,jesus ,christ the righteous3 to whom1 with thee1 ,o ,father1 in the unity of the ,spirit1 be all love and obedience now and for ever6 99 99 99 99 99 ,,wednesday ,,evening4 ,particular questions relating to mortification4 #a4 ,have ,i done any thing merely because it was pleasing8 #b4 ,have ,i not only not done what passion sollicited me to1 but done just the contrary8 8done0 replaced with 8not done0 per ,errata #c4 ,have ,i received the inconveniences ,i could not avoid1 as means of mortification chosen for me by ,god8 #d4 ,have ,i contrived pretences to avoid self-denial8 ,in particular1 #e4 ,have ,i thought any occasion of denying myself too small to be embraced8 #f4 ,have ,i submitted my will to the will of every one that opposed it2 except where the glory of ,god was concerned8 #g4 ,have ,i set apart some time for endeavouring after a lively sense of the sufferings of ,christ and my own sins8 ,for deprecating ,god's judgment1 and thinking how to amend8 ,o ,,almighty ,lord of heaven and earth1 ,i desire with fear and shame to cast myself down before thee1 humbly confessing my manifold sins and unsufferable wickedness4 ,i confess1 ,o great ,god1 that ,i have sinned grievously against thee by thought1 word and deed 7particularly this day74 ,thy words and thy laws1 ,o ,god1 are holy1 and thy judgments are terrible6 ,but ,i have broken all thy righteous laws1 and incurred thy severest judgments2 and where shall ,i appear when thou art angry8 ,but1 ,o ,lord my ,judge1 thou art also my ,redeemer6 ,i have sinned1 but thou1 ,o blessed ,jesus1 art my advocate6 ,enter not into judgment with me1 lest ,i die2 but spare me1 gracious ,lord1 spare thy servant1 whom thou hast redeemed with thy most precious blood4 ,o reserve not evil in store for me against the day of vengeance1 but let thy mercy be magnified upon me4 ,deliver me from the power of sin1 and preserve me from the punishment of it4 ,thou whose mercy is without measure1 whose goodness is unspeakable1 despise not thy returning servant1 who earnestly begs for pardon and reconciliation4 ,grant me the forgiveness of what is past1 and a perfect repentance of all my sins1 that for the time to come ,i may with a pure spirit do thy will1 ,o ,god1 walking humbly with thee1 conversing charitably with men1 possessing my soul in resignation and holiness1 and my body in sanctification and honour4 8unspeakble0 replaced with 8unspeakable0 99,my ,lord and my ,god1 ,i know that unless ,i am planted together with thee in the likeness of thy death1 ,i cannot in the likeness of thy resurrection4 ,o strengthen me1 that by denying myself and taking up my cross daily1 ,i may crucify the old man1 and utterly destroy the whole body of sin4 ,give me grace to mortify all my members which are upon earth1 all my works and affections which are according to corrupt nature4 ,let me be dead unto sin1 unto every transgression of thy law1 which is holy1 merciful and perfect4 ,let me be dead unto the world1 and all that is in the world1 the desires of the flesh1 the desire of the eye1 and the pride of life4 ,let me be dead unto pleasure1 so far as it tendeth not to thee1 and to those pleasures which are at thy right-hand for evermore4 ,let me be dead unto my own will1 and alive only unto thine4 ,i am not my own2 thou hast bought me with a price1 with the price of thine own blood4 ,and thou didst therefore die for all1 that we should not henceforth live unto ourselves1 but unto him that died for us4 ,arm thou me with this mind2 circumcise my heart and make me a new creature4 ,let me no longer live to the desires of men1 but to the will of ,god4 ,let thy holy ,spirit enable me to say with thy blessed apostle1 ,i am crucified with ,christ3 nevertheless ,i live1 yet not ,i1 but ,christ liveth in me4 8of the flesh1 the desire0 added per ,errata ,o thou great ,shepherd of souls1 bring home unto thy fold all that are gone astray4 ,preserve thy church from all heresy and schism1 from all that persecute or oppose the truth3 and give unto thy ministers wisdom and holiness1 and the powerful aid of thy blessed ,spirit4 ,advance the just interests1 and preserve the persons of all ,christian princes1 especially our sovereign3 give to him and his royal family1 and to all his subjects1 in their several stations1 particularly those that are in authority among them1 grace to do thy will in this world1 and eternal glory in the world to come4 ,bless1 ,o ,lord1 all our nurseries of piety and schools of learning1 that they may devote all their studies to thy glory4 ,have mercy on all that are in affliction3 remember the poor and needy1 the widow and fatherless1 the friendless and oppressed3 heal the sick and languishing1 give them a sanctified use of thy rod1 and when thou seest it expedient for them1 receive them into the number of thy departed saints1 and with them into thine everlasting kingdom4 ,o my ,god1 ,i praise thee for thy continual preservation of me1 for thy fatherly protection over me this day4 774 ,for all the comforts with which thou surroundest me1 spiritual and temporal2 particularly for leave now to pray unto thee4 ,o accept the poor services1 pardon the sinfulness of this and all my holy duties1 and bless me1 my friends and relations1 my benefactors and mine enemies1 7this night and ever7 with the blessings of thy children4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,these my prayers1 ,o most merciful ,father1 vouchsafe to hear1 through the mediation of ,jesus ,christ our ,redeemer1 who with thee and the ,holy ,ghost is worshipped and glorified1 in all churches of the saints1 one ,god blessed for ever6 99 99 99 99 99 ,,thursday ,,morning4 ,o ,,eternal ,god1 my ,sovereign ,lord1 ,i acknowledge all ,i am1 all ,i have is thine4 ,o give me such a sense of thy infinite goodness1 that ,i may return to thee all possible love and obedience4 ,i humbly and heartily thank thee for all the favours thou hast bestow'd upon me2 for creating me after thine own image1 for thy daily preserving me by thy good providence1 for redeeming me by the death of thy blessed ,son1 and for the assistance of thy holy ,spirit3 for causing me to be born in a ,christian country1 for blessing me with plentiful means of salvation1 with religious parents and friends1 and frequent returns of thy ever blessed sacrament4 ,i also thank thee for all thy temporal blessings2 for the preservation of me this night1 77 for my health1 strength1 food1 raiment1 and all the comforts and necessaries of life4 ,o may ,i always delight to praise thy holy name1 and1 above all thy benefits1 love thee my great benefactor4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,and1 ,o ,father of mercies1 shut not up thy bowels of compassion towards me a vile and miserable sinner2 despise not the work of thine own hands1 the purchase of thy ,son's blood4 ,for his sake ,i most humbly implore forgiveness of all my sins4 ,lo1 ,i come now1 to do thy will alone2 and am resolved by thy assistance1 to have no longer any choice of my own1 but with singleness of heart to obey thy good pleasure3 ,father not my will1 but thine be done1 in all my thoughts1 words1 and actions6 99,o thou all-sufficient ,god of angels and men1 who art above all1 and through all1 and in all2 from whom1 by whom1 and in whom are all things2 in whom we live1 move1 and have our being2 may my will be as entirely and continually derived from thine1 as my being and happiness are6 ,i believe1 ,o sovereign goodness1 ,o mighty wisdom1 that thou dost sweetly order and govern all things1 even the most minute1 even the most noxious1 to thy glory1 and the good of those that love thee6 ,i believe1 ,o ,father of the families of heaven and earth1 that thou so disposest all events1 as may best magnify thy goodness to all thy children1 especially those whose eyes wait upon thee4 ,i most humbly beseech thee teach me to adore all thy ways1 though ,i cannot comprehend them3 teach me to be glad that thou art king1 and to give thee thanks for all things that befall me2 seeing thou hast chosen that for me1 and hast thereby set to thy seal that they are good4 ,and for that which is to come1 give me thy grace to do in all things what pleaseth thee1 and then1 with an absolute submission to thy wisdom1 to leave the issues of them in thy hand4 ,o ,lord ,jesu1 ,i give thee my body1 my soul1 my substance1 my fame1 my friends1 my liberty1 my life2 dispose of me1 and all that is mine1 as it seemeth best unto thee4 ,i am not mine1 but thine2 claim me as thy right1 keep me as thy charge1 love me as thy child6 ,fight for me when ,i am assaulted1 heal me when ,i am wounded1 and revive me when ,i am destroyed4 ,o help me with thy grace1 that whatsoever ,i shall do or suffer this day may tend to thy glory4 ,keep me in love to thee1 and to all men4 ,do thou direct my paths1 and teach me to set thee always before me4 ,let not the things of this life1 or my manifold concerns therein1 alienate any part of my affections from thee2 nor let me ever pursue or regard them1 but for thee1 and in obedience to thy will4 ,extend1 ,o ,lord1 thy pity to the whole race of mankind3 enlighten the ,gentiles with thy truth1 and bring into thy flock thy ancient people the ,jews4 ,be gracious to the holy ,catholic church2 and grant she may always preserve that doctrine and discipline which thou hast delivered to her4 ,grant that all of this nation1 especially our governors and the clergy1 may1 whatsoever they do1 do all to thy glory4 ,bless all nurseries of true religion and useful learning1 and let them not neglect the end of their institution4 ,be merciful to all that are in distress1 77 that struggle with pain1 poverty or reproach3 be thou a guide to them that travel by land or by water3 give a strong and quiet spirit to those who are condemned to death1 liberty to prisoners and captives1 and ease and chearfulness to every sad heart4 ,o give spiritual strength and comfort to scrupulous consciences1 and to them that are afflicted by evil spirits4 ,pity idiots and lunatics1 and give life and salvation to all to whom thou hast given no understanding4 ,give to all that are in error the light of thy truth2 bring all sinners to repentance1 77 and give to all heretics humility and grace to make amends to thy church1 by the public acknowledgement of an holy faith4 ,bless all my friends and relations1 acquaintance and enemies3 77 unite us all to one another by mutual love1 and to thyself by constant holiness2 that we1 together with all those who are gone before us in thy faith and fear1 may find a merciful acceptance in the last day1 through the merits of thy blessed ,son1 to whom with thee and the ,holy ,ghost1 be all glory1 world without end6 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,thursday ,,evening4 ,particular questions relating to resignation and meekness4 #a4 ,have ,i endeavoured to will what ,god wills1 and that only8 #b4 ,have ,i received every thing that has befallen me1 without my choice1 as the choice of infinite wisdom and goodness for me1 with thanks8 #c4 ,have ,i 7after doing what he requires of me to do concerning them7 left all future things absolutely to ,god's disposal8 ,that is1 have ,i laboured to be wholly indifferent to whichsoever way he shall ordain for me8 #d4 ,have ,i resumed my claim to my body1 soul1 friends1 fame1 or fortune1 which ,i have made over to ,god2 or repented of my gift1 when ,god accepted any of them at my hands8 #e4 ,have ,i endeavoured to be chearful1 mild and courteous in whatever ,i said or did8 #f4 ,have ,i said any thing with a stern look1 accent or gesture8 ,particularly with regard to religion8 ,,my ,lord and my ,god1 thou seest my heart1 and my desires are not hid from thee4 ,i am encouraged by my happy experience of thy goodness 7particularly this day past7 to present myself before thee1 notwithstanding ,i know myself unworthy of the least favour from thee4 ,i am ashamed when ,i think1 how long ,i have lived a stranger1 yea1 an enemy to thee1 taking upon me to dispose of myself1 and to please myself in the main course of my life4 ,but ,i now unfeignedly desire to return unto thee1 and renouncing all interest and propriety in myself1 to give myself up entirely to thee3 ,i would be thine1 and only thine for ever4 ,but ,i know ,i am nothing1 and can do nothing of myself3 and if ever ,i am thine1 ,i must be wholly indebted to thee for it4 ,o my ,god1 my ,saviour1 my ,sanctifier1 turn not away thy face from a poor soul that seeks thee3 but as thou hast kindled in me these desires1 so confirm1 increase1 and satisfy them4 ,reject not that poor gift which ,i would make of myself unto thee1 but teach me so to make it1 that it may be acceptable in thy sight4 ,lord1 hear me1 help me1 and shew mercy unto me for ,jesus ,christ's sake4 ,to thee1 ,o ,god1 ,father1 ,son and ,holy ,ghost1 my ,creator1 ,redeemer1 and ,sanctifier1 ,i give up myself entirely3 may ,i no longer serve myself1 but thee1 all the days of my life4 ,i give thee my understanding3 may it be my only care to know thee1 thy perfections1 thy works and thy will4 ,let all things else be as dung and dross unto me1 for the excellency of this knowledge4 ,and let me silence all reasonings against whatsoever thou teachest me1 who canst neither deceive1 nor be deceived4 ,i give thee my will3 may ,i have no will of my own3 whatsoever thou willest1 may ,i will1 and that only4 ,may ,i will thy glory in all things as thou dost1 and make that my end in every thing2 may ,i ever say with the ,psalmist1 ,whom have ,i in heaven but thee1 and there is none upon earth that ,i desire beside thee4 ,may ,i delight to do thy will ,o ,god1 and rejoice to suffer it4 ,whatever threatens me let me say1 ,it is the ,lord1 let him do what seemeth him good3 and whatever befalls me1 let me give thanks1 since it is thy will concerning me4 ,i give thee my affections2 do thou dispose of them all3 be thou my love1 my fear1 my joy3 and may nothing have any share in them1 but with respect to thee and for thy sake4 ,what thou lovest may ,i love1 what thou hatest may ,i hate1 and that in such measures as thou art pleased to prescribe me4 ,i give thee my body3 may ,i glorify thee with it1 and preserve it holy1 fit for thee1 ,o ,god1 to dwell in2 may ,i neither indulge it1 nor use too much rigor towards it2 but keep it1 as far as in me lies1 healthy1 vigorous and active1 and fit to do thee all manner of service1 which thou shalt call for4 ,i give thee all my worldly goods3 may ,i prize them and use them only for thee4 ,may ,i faithfully restore to thee1 in the poor1 all thou hast intrusted me with1 above the necessaries of life2 and be content to part with them too1 whenever thou my ,lord1 shalt require them at my hands4 8it0 replaced with 8them0 per ,errata ,i give thee my credit and reputation3 may ,i never value it1 but only in respect of thee2 nor endeavour to maintain it1 but as it may do thee service and advance thy honour in the world4 ,i give thee myself and my all3 let me look upon myself to be nothing1 and to have nothing out of thee4 ,be thou the sole disposer and governor of myself and all2 be thou my portion and my all4 ,o my ,god and my all1 when hereafter ,i shall be tempted to break this solemn engagement1 when ,i shall be prest to conform to the world1 and to the company and customs that surround me2 may my answer be1 ,i am not my own2 ,i am not for myself1 nor for the world1 but for my ,god4 ,i will give unto ,god the things which are ,god's4 ,god be merciful to me a sinner4 ,have mercy1 ,o ,father of the spirits of all flesh1 on all mankind4 ,convert all ,jews1 ,turks and ,heathens to thy truth4 ,bless the ,catholic church2 heal its breaches1 and establish it in truth and peace4 ,preserve and defend all ,christian princes1 especially our sovereign and his family4 ,be merciful to this nation2 bless the clergy with soundness of doctrine and purity of life2 the council with wisdom1 the magistrates with integrity and zeal1 and the people with loyalty4 ,bless the universities with learning and holiness1 that they may afford a constant supply of men fit and able to do thee service4 ,shower down thy graces on all my relations1 on all my friends and all that belong to this family4 ,comfort and relieve those that labour under any affliction of body or mind3 especially those who suffer for the testimony of a good conscience4 ,visit them1 ,o gracious ,lord1 in all their distresses4 ,thou knowest1 thou seest them under all4 ,o stay their souls upon thee2 give them to rejoice that they are counted worthy to suffer for thy name's sake1 and constantly to look unto the author and finisher of their faith4 ,supply abundantly to all their souls who are in prison1 the want of thy holy ordinances1 and in thy good time1 deliver them and be merciful unto them1 as thou usest to be unto them that love thy name4 ,those that love or do good to me1 reward seven-fold into their bosom3 77 those that hate me 77 convert and forgive3 and grant us all1 together with thy whole church1 an entrance into thine everlasting kingdom1 through ,jesus ,christ2 to whom with thee and the blessed ,spirit1 three persons and one ,god be ascribed all majesty1 dominion1 and power1 now and for evermore4 ,amen4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,friday ,,morning4 ,,almighty and everlasting ,god1 ,i bless thee from my heart1 that of thy infinite goodness thou hast preserved me this night past1 and hast with the impregnable defence of thy providence protected me1 from the power and malice of the devil4 ,withdraw not1 ,i humbly intreat thee1 thy protection from me1 but mercifully this day watch over me with the eyes of thy mercy2 direct my soul and body1 according to the rule of thy will1 and fill my heart with thy holy ,spirit1 that ,i may pass this day1 and all the rest of my days1 to thy glory4 ,o ,saviour of the world1 ,god of ,gods1 light of light1 thou that art the brightness of thy ,father's glory1 the express image of his person2 thou that hast destroyed the power of the devil1 that hast overcome death1 that sittest at the right-hand of the ,father1 thou wilt speedily come down in thy ,father's glory to judge all men according to their works3 be thou my light and my peace2 destroy the power of the devil in me1 and make me a new creature4 ,o thou who didst cast seven devils out of ,mary ,magdalen1 cast out of my heart all corrupt affections4 ,o thou who didst raise ,lazarus from the dead1 raise me from the death of sin4 ,thou who didst cleanse the lepers1 heal the sick1 and give sight to the blind1 heal the diseases of my soul2 open my eyes1 and fix them singly on the prize of my high-calling1 and cleanse my heart from every desire1 but that of advancing thy glory4 99,o ,jesus1 poor and abject1 unknown and despised1 have mercy upon me1 and let me not be ashamed to follow thee4 ,o ,jesus1 hated1 caluminated and persecuted2 have mercy upon me1 and let me not be afraid to come after thee4 ,o ,jesus1 betrayed and sold at a vile price1 have mercy upon me2 and make me content to be as my ,master4 ,o ,jesus1 blasphemed1 accused and wrongfully condemned1 have mercy upon me and teach me to endure the contradiction of sinners4 ,o ,jesus1 clothed with a habit of reproach and shame1 have mercy upon me1 and let me not seek my own glory4 ,o ,jesus1 insulted1 mocked and spit upon1 have mercy upon me1 and let me run with patience the race set before me4 ,o ,jesus1 dragged to the pillar1 scourged and bathed in blood1 have mercy upon me1 and let me not faint in the fiery trial4 ,o ,jesus1 crowned with thorns and hailed in derision2 ,o ,jesus burthened with our sins1 and the curses of the people2 ,o ,jesus1 affronted1 outraged1 buffeted1 overwhelmed with injuries1 griefs and humiliations2 ,o ,jesus1 hanging on the accursed tree1 bowing the head1 giving up the ,ghost1 have mercy upon me1 and conform my whole soul to thy holy1 humble1 suffering ,spirit4 ,o thou who for the love of me hast undergone such an infinity of sufferings and humiliations2 let me be wholly 8emptied of myself10 that ,i may rejoice to take up my cross daily and follow thee4 ,enable me too1 to endure the pain and despise the shame2 and if it be thy will1 to resist even unto blood4 ,holy1 holy1 holy1 ,lord ,god ,almighty1 ,i miserable sinner humbly acknowledge that ,i am altogether unworthy to pray for myself4 ,but since thou hast commanded me to make prayers and intercessions for all men1 in obedience to thy command1 and confidence of thy unlimited goodness1 ,i commend to thy mercy the wants and necessities of all mankind4 ,lord1 let it be thy good pleasure to restore to thy church ,catholic1 primitive peace and purity3 to shew mercy to these sinful nations1 and give us grace at length to break off our sins by repentance3 defend our church from all the assaults of schism1 heresy and sacrilege1 and bless all bishops1 priests and deacons with apostolical graces4 ,o let it be thy good pleasure to defend the king from all his enemies spiritual and temporal2 to bless all his royal relations2 to grant to the council wisdom1 to the magistrates1 zeal and prudence1 to the gentry and commons piety and loyalty4 ,lord1 let it be thy good pleasure1 to give thy grace to the universities2 to bless those whom ,i have wronged1 77 and to forgive those who have wronged me 773 to comfort the disconsolate1 to give health and patience to all that are sick and afflicted 774 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,vouchsafe to bless my father and mother with the fear of thy name1 that they may be holy in all manner of conversation4 ,let them remember how short their time is1 and be careful to improve every moment of it4 ,o thou who hast kept them from their youth up until now1 forsake them not now they are grey-headed1 but perfect them in every good word and work1 and be thou their guide unto death4 ,bless my brethren and sisters1 whom thou hast graciously taught the gospel of thy ,christ2 give them further degrees of illumination1 that they may serve thee with a perfect heart and willing mind4 ,bless my friends and benefactors1 and all who have commended themselves to my prayers 774 ,lord1 thou best knowest all our conditions1 all our desires1 all our wants4 ,o do thou suit thy grace and blessings to our several necessities4 ,hear1 ,o merciful ,father1 my supplications1 for the sake of thy ,son ,jesus1 and bring us1 with all those who have pleased thee from the beginning of the world1 into the glories of thy ,son's kingdom3 to whom with thee and the ,holy ,ghost1 be all praise for ever and ever6 ,our ,father1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,friday ,,evening4 ,questions relating to mortification1 see before the prayers for ,wednesday evening4 ,o ,,god the ,father1 who canst not be thought to have made me only to destroy me1 have mercy upon me4 ,o ,god the ,son1 who knowing thy ,father's will didst come into the world to save me1 have mercy upon me4 ,o ,god the ,holy ,ghost1 who to the same end hast so often since breathed holy thoughts into me1 have mercy upon me4 ,o holy1 blessed and glorious ,trinity1 whom in ,three persons ,i adore as ,one ,god1 have mercy upon me4 ,lord1 carest thou not that ,i perish6 ,thou that would'st have all men to be saved6 ,thou that would'st have none to perish6 ,and wilt thou now shew thine anger against a worm1 a leaf6 ,against a vapour that vanisheth before thee6 ,o remember how short my time is1 and deliver not my soul into the power of hell6 ,for1 alas1 what profit is there in my blood8 ,or1 who shall give thee thanks in that pit8 ,no2 let me live in thy sight3 let me live1 ,o my ,god1 and my soul shall praise thee4 ,forget me1 as ,i have been disobedient1 provoking thee to anger1 and regard me as ,i am distrest1 crying out to thee for help4 ,look not upon me as ,i am a sinner2 but consider me as ,i am thy creature4 ,a sinner ,i am1 ,i confess1 a sinner of no ordinary stain3 ,but let not this hinder thee1 ,o my ,god2 for upon such sinners thou gettest the greatest glory4 ,o remember for whose sake it was that thou camest from the bosom of thy ,father1 and was content to be born of thine own handmaid4 ,remember1 for whom it was that thy tender body was torn and scourged and crucified6 ,was it not for the sins of the whole world8 ,and shall ,i be so injurious to thy glory1 as to think thou hast excepted me8 ,or can ,i think1 thou diedst only for sinners of a lower kind and leftest such as me without remedy8 ,what had become then of him1 who filled ,jerusalem with blood8 ,what of her1 who lived in a trade of sin8 ,nay1 what had become of thine own disciple1 who with oaths and curses thrice denied thee8 ,o how easy is it for thee to forgive8 ,for it is thy nature4 ,how proper is it for thee to save8 ,for it is thy name6 ,how suitable is it to thy coming into the world8 ,for it is thy business4 ,and when ,i consider that ,i am the chief of sinners1 may ,i not urge thee farther1 and say1 ,shall the chief of thy business be left undone8 ,far be that from thee8 ,have mercy upon me6 ,i ask not of thee the things of this world1 give them to whom thou pleasest so thou givest me mercy4 ,o say unto my soul1 ,be of good cheer1 thy sins are forgiven thee4 ,o that ,i might never sin against thee more6 ,and whereinsoever my conscience accuses me most1 be thou most merciful unto me6 ,save me1 ,o ,god1 as a brand snatched out of the fire4 ,receive me1 ,o my ,saviour1 as a sheep that is gone astray1 but would now return to the great shepherd and bishop of my soul6 ,father1 accept my imperfect repentance1 compassionate my infirmities1 forgive my wickedness1 purify my uncleanness1 strengthen my weakness1 fix my unstableness1 and let thy good ,spirit watch over me for ever1 and thy love ever rule in my heart1 through the merits and sufferings and love of thy ,son1 in whom thou art always well pleased4 ,give thy grace1 ,o holy ,jesus1 to all the world1 and let all who are redeemed by thy blood1 acknowledge thee to be the ,lord4 ,let all ,christians1 especially those of this nation1 keep themselves unspotted from the world4 ,let all governors1 and especially our sovereign1 rule with wisdom and justice2 and let the clergy be exemplary in their lives1 and discreet and diligent in their labours4 ,let our universities enjoy freedom from violence and faction1 and excel in true religion and sound learning4 ,be an help at hand to all that are afflicted1 and assist them to trust in thee4 ,raise up friends for the widow and fatherless1 the friendless and oppressed4 ,give patience to all that are sick1 comfort to all troubled consciences1 strength to all that are tempted4 ,be gracious to my relations 771 to all that are endeared to me by their kindnesses or acquaintance1 to all who remember me in their prayers1 or desire to be remembered in mine 774 ,sanctify1 ,o merciful ,lord1 the friendship which thou hast granted me1 with these thy servants 774 ,o let our prayers be heard for each other1 while our hearts are united in thy fear and love1 and graciously unite them therein more and more4 ,strengthen the hearts of us thy servants against all our corruptions and temptations3 enable us to consecrate ourselves faithfully and entirely to thy service4 ,grant that1 we may provoke each other to love and serve thee1 and grow up together before thee in thy fear and love1 to thy heavenly kingdom4 ,and by thy infinite mercies1 vouchsafe to bring us1 with those that are dead in thee1 to rejoice together before thee1 through the merits of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 to whom with thee and the ,holy ,ghost1 the blessed and only ,potentate1 the ,king of ,kings and ,lord of ,lords1 be honour and power everlasting4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,saturday ,,morning4 ,o ,,god1 thou great ,creator and ,sovereign ,lord of heaven and earth1 thou ,father of angels and men1 thou giver of life and protector of all thy creatures1 mercifully accept this my morning sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving1 which ,i desire to offer with all humility to thy divine ,majesty4 ,thou art praised1 ,o ,lord1 by all thy works1 and magnified by every thing which thou hast created4 ,the sun rejoiceth to run his course1 that he may set forth thy praise who madest him4 ,nor do the moon and stars refrain to manifest thy glory1 even amidst the silent night4 ,the earth breathes forth each day perfumes1 as incense to thee her sacred ,king1 who has crowned her with herbs and trees1 and beautified her with hills and dales4 ,the deep uttereth his voice1 and lifteth up his hands on high to thee1 the great ,creator1 the universal ,king1 the everlasting ,god4 ,the floods clap their hands1 and the hills are joyful together before thee2 the fruitful vales rejoice and sing thy praise4 ,thou feedest the innumerable multitude of animals which thou hast created2 these all wait upon thee1 and thou givest them their meat in due season4 ,thou madest light for our comfort1 and broughtest forth darkness out of thy treasures1 to overshadow the earth1 that the living creatures of it might take their rest4 ,the fire and hail1 snow and vapour1 wind and storm fulfil thy word1 and manifest thy glory4 ,inanimate things declare thee1 ,o ,lord of life2 and irrational animals demonstrate their wise ,creator4 ,amidst this universal jubilee of nature1 suffer not1 ,i beseech thee1 the sons of men to be silent2 but let the noblest work of thy creation pay thee the noblest sacrifice of praise4 ,o pour thy grace into my heart1 that ,i may worthily magnify thy great and glorious name4 ,thou hast made me and sent me into the world to do thy work4 ,o assist me to fulfil the end of my creation1 and to shew forth thy praise with all diligence1 by giving myself up to thy service4 ,prosper the work of my hands upon me1 ,o ,lord2 ,o prosper thou whatever ,i shall undertake this day1 that it may tend to thy glory1 the good of my neighbour1 and the salvation of my own soul4 ,preserve me from all those snares and temptations which continually sollicit me to offend thee4 ,guide me by thy holy ,spirit in all those places whither thy providence shall lead me this day2 and suffer not my communications with the world to dissipate my thoughts1 to make me inadvertent to thy presence1 or lukewarm in thy service3 but let me always walk as in thy sight1 and as one who knows this life to be the seed-time of an eternal harvest4 ,keep me1 ,i beseech thee1 undefiled1 unblamable1 and unreprovable unto the end2 and grant1 that ,i may so diligently perform thy will1 in that station wherein thou hast been pleased to place me1 that ,i may make my calling and election sure1 thro' ,jesus ,christ our blessed ,lord and ,saviour4 ,hear also1 ,o ,lord1 my prayers for the whole race of mankind1 and guide their feet into the way of peace3 reform the corruptions of thy ,catholic church1 heal her divisions1 and restore to her1 her ancient discipline3 give to the clergy thereof1 whether they be bishops1 priests or deacons1 grace as good shepherds to feed the flocks committed to their charge4 ,bless ,king ,george and all the royal family and all that are put in authority under him4 ,let them exceed others as much in goodness as greatness1 and be signal instruments of thy glory4 ,grant that in the universities1 and in all other places set apart for thy service1 whatsoever is praise-worthy may for ever flourish4 ,keep1 ,o ,lord1 all the nobility1 gentry and commons of this land1 in constant communion with thy holy ,catholic church1 in humble obedience to the king1 and in ,christian charity one towards another4 ,in a particular manner1 ,i beseech thee to be gracious to my father and mother1 my brethren and sisters1 and all my friends and relations4 ,pardon all their sins1 and heal all their infirmities4 ,give them that share of the blessings of this life1 which thou knowest to be most expedient for them2 and thy grace so to use them here1 that they may enjoy thee eternally4 ,with a propitious eye1 ,o gracious ,comforter1 behold all that are in affliction3 let the sighings of the prisoners1 the groans of the sick1 the prayers of the oppressed1 the desire of the poor and needy come before thee 774 ,give unto my enemies 77 grace and pardon1 charity to me and love to thee3 remove the cloud from their eyes1 the stony from their hearts1 that they may know and feel what it is to love their neighbour as themselves4 ,and may it please thee to enable me to love all mine enemies1 to bless them that now curse me1 to do good to them that hate me1 and to pray for those who despitefully use me and persecute me4 ,be pleased1 ,o ,lord1 of thy goodness1 shortly to accomplish the number of thine elect1 and to hasten thy kingdom2 that we1 with all thy whole church1 may have our perfect consummation of bliss1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord1 by whom and with whom1 in the unity of the ,holy ,ghost1 all honour and glory be unto thee1 ,o ,father ,almighty1 now and for ever4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,saturday ,,evening4 ,particular questions relating to thankfulness4 #a4 ,have ,i allotted some time for thanking ,god for the blessings of the past week8 #b4 ,have ,i1 in order to be the more sensible of them1 seriously and deliberately considered the several circumstances that attended them8 #c4 ,have ,i considered each of them as an obligation to greater love1 and consequently to stricter holiness8 ,o ,most great and glorious ,god1 who art mighty in thy power1 and wonderful in thy doings towards the sons of men1 accept1 ,i beseech thee1 my unfeigned thanks and praise1 for my creation1 preservation1 and all the other blessings1 which in the riches of thy mercy1 thou hast from time to time poured down upon me4 ,thou1 ,lord1 in the beginning hast laid the foundation of the earth1 and the heavens are the works of thine hand4 ,thou createdst the sun and moon1 the day and night1 and makest the outgoings of the morning and evening to praise thee4 ,thou formedst man of the dust of the ground and breathedst into him the breath of life4 ,in thine own image madest thou him1 capable of knowing and loving thee eternally4 ,his nature was perfect1 thy will was his law1 and thy blessed self his portion4 ,neither after he had left his first estate didst thou utterly withdraw thy mercy from him2 but in every succeeding generation1 didst save1 deliver1 assist and protect him4 ,thou hast instructed us by thy laws1 and enlightened us by thy statutes4 ,thou hast redeemed us by the blood of thy ,son1 and sanctifiest us by the grace of thy holy ,spirit4 ,for these and all thy other mercies1 how can ,i ever sufficiently love thee1 or worthily magnify thy great and glorious name8 ,all the powers of my soul are too few to conceive the thanks that are due to thee1 even for vouchsafing me the honour of now appearing before thee and conversing with thee4 ,but thou hast declared thou wilt accept the sacrifice of thanksgiving1 in return for all thy goodness4 ,for ever therefore will ,i bless thee1 will ,i adore thy power1 and magnify thy goodness3 ,my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness1 and be telling of thy salvation from day to day4 ,i will give thanks unto thee for ever and ever2 ,i will praise my ,god while ,i have my being4 ,o that ,i had the heart of the seraphim1 that ,i might burn with love like theirs6 ,but tho' ,i am upon earth1 yet will ,i praise1 as ,i can1 the ,king of heaven2 though ,i am a feeble1 mortal creature1 yet will ,i join my song with those that excel in strength1 with the immortal host of angels and arch-angels1 thrones1 dominions and powers1 while they laud and magnify thy glorious name1 and sing with incessant shouts of praise4 ,holy1 holy1 holy1 is the ,lord of hosts6 ,heaven and earth are full of his glory6 ,glory be to thee ,o ,lord most high4 ,amen4 ,hallelujah4 ,accept1 ,o merciful ,father1 my most humble thanks1 for thy preservation of me this day 774 ,o continue thy loving-kindness towards me1 and take me into thy protection this night4 ,let thy holy angels watch over me to defend me from the attempts of evil men and evil spirits4 ,let me rest in peace1 and not sleep in sin1 and grant that ,i may rise more fit for thy service4 ,here mention the particulars you would pray for4 ,o thou whose kingdom ruleth over all1 rule in the hearts of all the men whom thou hast made3 reform the corruptions1 and heal the breaches of thy holy church1 and establish her in truth and peace4 ,be gracious unto all priests and deacons1 and give them rightly to divine the word of truth4 ,forgive the sins of this nation1 and turn our hearts1 that iniquity may not be our ruin4 ,bless king ,george and all the royal family1 with all those blessings which thou seest to be most expedient for them2 and give to his council1 and to the nobility and magistracy1 grace truely to serve thee in their several stations4 ,bless our universities1 that they may be the great bulwarks of thy faith and love1 against all the assaults of vice and infidelity3 may the gentry and commons of this realm1 live in constant communion with thy church1 in obedience to the king1 and in love one towards another4 ,be gracious to all who are near and dear to me4 ,thou knowest their names and art acquainted with their wants4 ,of thy goodness be pleased to proportion thy blessings to their necessities4 ,pardon my enemies1 and give them repentance and charity1 and me grace to overcome evil with good4 ,have compassion on all who are distressed in mind1 body or estate1 and give them steady patience and timely deliverance4 ,now to ,god the ,father1 who first loved us1 and made us accepted in the ,beloved3 to ,god the ,son1 who loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood3 to ,god the ,holy ,ghost1 who sheddeth the love of ,god abroad in our hearts1 be all love and all glory in time and to all eternity4 ,amen6 ,a ,,collection ,,of ,,prayers for ,,families4 ,,sunday ,,morning4 ,,almighty and eternal ,god1 we desire to praise thy holy name for so graciously raising us up1 in soundness of body and mind1 to see the light of this day4 ,we bless thee in behalf of all thy creatures2 for the eyes of all look unto thee1 and thou givest them their meat in due season4 ,but above all we acknowledge thy inestimable benefits bestowed upon mankind in ,christ ,jesus4 ,we thank thee for his miraculous birth1 for his most holy life1 his bitter agony and bloody death1 for his glorious resurrection on this day1 his ascension into heaven1 his triumph over all the powers of darkness1 and his sitting at thy right hand for ever more4 ,o ,god1 how great was thy love to the sinful sons of men1 to give thy only begotten ,son1 that whosoever believeth on him1 might not perish1 but have everlasting life6 ,how great was that love which hath committed our souls to one so mighty to save6 ,which hath chosen us to be thy sons and heirs1 together with ,christ ,jesus1 and set such an high priest over thy house and family1 to make intercession for us1 to pour thy blessings upon us1 and to send forth his angels to minister unto them who shall be heirs of salvation6 ,o the riches of thy grace1 in sending the ,holy ,ghost1 to make us abound in hope1 that we shall one day rise from the dead1 and after our short labours here1 rest with thee in thy eternal glory4 ,o that we could begin this day1 in devout meditations1 in joy unspeakable1 and in blessing and praising thee1 who hast given us such good hope and everlasting consolation6 ,lift up our minds above all these little things below1 which are apt to distract our thoughts2 and keep them above1 till our hearts are fully bent to seek thee every day1 in the way wherein ,jesus hath gone before us1 tho' it should be with the loss of all we here possess4 8mediations0 replaced with 8meditations0 per ,errata ,we are ashamed1 ,o ,lord1 to think that ever we have disobey'd thee1 who hast redeemed us by the precious blood of thine own ,son4 ,o that we may agree with thy will in all things for the time to come6 and that all the powers of our souls and bodies may be wholly dedicated to thy service6 ,we desire unfeignedly that all the thoughts and designs of our minds1 all the affections and tempers of our hearts1 and all the actions of our life1 may be pure1 holy1 and unreproveable in thy sight4 ,search us1 ,o ,lord1 and prove us2 try out our reins and our heart4 ,look well if there be any way of wickedness in us1 and lead us in the way everlasting4 ,let thy favour be better to us than life itself2 that so in all things we may approve our hearts before thee1 and feel the sense of thy acceptance of us1 giving us a joy which the world cannot give4 ,make it our delight to praise thee1 to call to mind thy loving-kindness1 and to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving4 ,help us to take heed to ourselves1 lest at any time our hearts be overcharged with surfeiting or drunkenness1 or the cares of this life3 to have our conversation without covetousness1 and to be content with such things as we have3 to possess our bodies in sanctification and honour3 to love our neighbour as ourselves1 and as we would that others should do to us1 do even so to them4 ,to live peaceably1 as much as lieth in us1 with all men3 to put on the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit3 and to take those who have spoken in the name of our ,,lord1 for an example of suffering affliction and of patience2 and when we suffer as ,christians1 not to be ashamed1 but to glorify thee our ,god on this behalf4 ,and accept1 good ,lord1 of all the praises of all thy people met together this day4 ,o that thy ways were known upon all the earth1 thy saving health among all nations6 ,and that all ,christian kings especially1 may be filled with thy holy ,spirit1 and be faithful subjects of the ,lord ,jesus the ,king of ,kings and ,lord of ,lords4 ,o that thy priests may be cloathed with righteousness1 and thy saints rejoice and sing2 that all who are in distress may trust in thee1 the help of their countenance and their ,god4 ,o ,lord1 hear us1 and make thy face to shine upon thy servants1 that we may enter into thy gates with thanksgiving1 and into thy courts with praise3 that we may be thankful unto thee and bless thy name4 ,amen1 for ,jesus ,christ's sake1 in whose words we conclude our imperfect prayers1 saying1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,sunday ,,evening4 ,o ,,thou high and holy one that inhabitest eternity4 ,thou art to be feared and loved by all thy servants4 ,all thy works praise thee1 ,o ,god2 and we especially give thanks unto thee1 for thy marvellous love in ,christ ,jesus1 by whom thou hast reconciled the world to thyself4 ,thou hast given us exceeding great and precious promises4 ,thou hast sealed them with his blood1 thou hast confirmed them by his resurrection and ascension1 and the coming of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,we thank thee that thou hast given us so many happy opportunities of knowing the truth as it is in ,jesus1 even the mystery which was hid from ages and generations1 but is now revealed to them that believe4 ,blessed be thy goodness for that great consolation1 and for the assistance of thy holy ,spirit4 ,blessed be thy goodness1 that we have felt it so often in our hearts1 inspiring us with holy thoughts1 filling us with love and joy and comfortable expectations of the glory that shall be revealed4 ,we thank thee1 that thou hast suffered us this day1 to attend on thee in thy public service3 and that we have begun in any measure1 to pursue after that eternal rest which remaineth for the people of ,god4 ,we offer up again our souls and bodies to thee to be governed1 not by our will1 but thine4 ,o let it be ever the ease and joy of our hearts1 to be under the conduct of thy unerring wisdom1 to follow thy counsels1 and to be ruled in all things by thy holy will4 ,and let us never distrust thy abundant kindness and tender care over us2 whatsoever it is thou wouldst have us to do1 or to suffer in this world4 ,o ,god1 purify our hearts1 that we may intirely love thee1 and rejoice in being beloved of thee2 that we may confide in thee1 and absolutely resign ourselves to thee1 and be filled with constant devotion toward thee4 ,o that we may never sink into a base love of any thing here below1 nor be oppressed with the cares of this life2 but assist us to abhor that which is evil1 and cleave to that which is good4 ,let us use this world as not abusing it4 ,give us true humility of spirit1 that we may not think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think4 ,keep us from being wise in our own conceits4 ,let our moderation be known to all men4 ,make us kindly affectioned one to another2 to delight in doing good2 to shew all meekness to all men2 to render to all their dues2 tribute to whom tribute is due1 custom to whom custom1 fear to whom fear1 honour to whom honour2 and to owe no man any thing1 but to love one another4 ,make us so happy1 that we may be able to love our enemies1 to bless those that curse us1 to do good to them that hate us2 to rejoice with them that do rejoice1 and weep with them that weep4 ,compose our spirits to a quiet and steady dependance on thy good providence1 that we may take no thought for our life1 nor be careful for any thing1 but by prayer and supplication1 with thanksgiving1 still make known our requests to thee our ,god4 ,and help us to pray always and not faint2 in every thing to give thanks1 and offer up the sacrifice of praise continually2 to rejoice in hope of thy glory2 to possess our souls in patience2 and to learn in whatsoever state we are1 therewith to be content4 ,make us know both how to be abased1 and how to abound3 every where1 and in all things1 instruct us both to abound and to suffer want1 being enabled to do all things through ,christ which strengtheneth us4 ,o that the light of all ,christians did so shine before men1 that others might glorify thee1 our ,father which art in heaven6 ,send forth thy light and thy truth into all the dark corners of the earth2 that all kings may fall down before thee1 and all nations do thee service6 ,bless these kingdoms1 and give us grace at length1 to bring forth fruits meet for repentance4 ,o ,lord1 save the king1 and establish his throne in righteousness4 ,prosper the endeavours of all those who faithfully feed thy people1 and increase the number of them4 ,o that the seed which hath been sown this day1 may take deep root in all our hearts2 that being not forgetful hearers1 but doers of the word1 we may be blessed in our deeds4 ,help us in all the week following1 to set a watch before our mouth1 and keep the door of our lips4 ,and let not our heart incline to any evil thing1 or to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity4 ,but as we have received how we ought to walk and to please thee1 so may we abound more and more4 ,protect us1 we beseech thee1 and all our friends every where this night1 and awaken in the morning those good thoughts in our hearts1 that the words of our ,saviour may abide in us1 and we in him2 who hath taught us1 when we pray to say1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,monday ,,morning4 ,,we humble ourselves1 ,o ,lord of heaven and earth1 before thy glorious ,majesty4 ,we acknowledge thy eternal power1 wisdom1 goodness1 and truth2 and desire to render thee most unfeigned thanks1 for all the benefits which thou pourest upon us4 ,but above all1 for thine inestimable love1 in the redemption of the world1 by our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,we implore thy tender mercies1 in the forgiveness of all our sins1 whereby we have offended either in thought1 word1 or deed4 ,we desire to be truly sorry for all our misdoings1 and utterly to renounce whatsoever is contrary to thy will4 ,we desire to devote our whole man1 body1 soul and spirit1 to thee4 ,and as thou dost inspire us with these desires1 so accompany them always with thy grace1 that we may every day1 with our whole hearts1 give ourselves up to thy service4 ,we desire to be so holy and undefiled as our blessed ,master was4 ,and we trust thou wilt fulfil all the gracious promises which he hath made to us4 ,let them be dearer to us than thousands of gold and silver2 let them be the comfort and joy of our hearts4 ,we ask nothing1 but that it may be unto thy servants according to his word4 ,thou hast mercifully kept us the last night3 blessed be thy continued goodness4 ,receive us likewise into thy protection this day4 ,guide and assist us in all our thoughts1 words1 and actions4 ,make us willing to do and suffer what thou pleasest2 waiting for the mercy of our ,lord1 ,christ ,jesus1 unto eternal life4 ,blessed be thy goodness which hath not suffered us to wander1 without instruction1 after the foolish desires of our own hearts2 but hast clearly shewn us where our happiness lies4 ,o may we receive with all thankfulness1 those holy words which teach us the blessedness of poverty of spirit1 of mourning after thee1 of meekness and gentleness1 of hungering and thirsting after righteousness1 of mercifulness and purity of heart1 of doing good unto all1 and patiently suffering for doing the will of our ,lord ,christ4 ,o may we always be in the number of those blessed souls6 ,may we ever feel ourselves happy in having the kingdom of ,god within us1 in the comforts of the holy one1 in being filled with all the fruits of righteousness1 in being made the children of the highest1 and above all1 in seeing thee1 our ,god4 ,let us abound in thy love more and more2 and in continual prayers and praises to thee1 the ,father of mercies and ,god of all consolation1 in ,jesus ,christ our ,lord4 ,and we desire1 thou knowest1 the good of all mankind1 especially of all ,christian people2 that they may all walk worthy of the gospel1 and live together in unity and ,christian love4 ,for which end1 we pray that all ,christian kings1 princes1 and governors1 may be wise1 pious1 just1 and merciful1 endeavouring that all their subjects may lead peaceable lives in all godliness and honesty3 and more particularly1 that our sovereign1 king ,george1 may be blest with a religious1 quiet1 long1 and prosperous reign1 and that all in authority under him may seek in their several stations to right the oppressed1 to comfort the afflicted1 to provide for the poor and needy1 and to relieve all those that are in any misery4 ,bless all those that watch over our souls2 succeed their labours1 and give us grace to follow their godly admonitions1 and to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake4 ,the same blessings we crave for our friends1 relations1 and acquaintance1 that we may all live in perfect love and peace together1 and rejoice together at the great day of the ,lord ,jesus2 in whose holy words we sum up all our wants1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,monday ,,evening4 ,,almighty and most merciful ,father in whom we live1 move1 and have our being2 to whose tender compassions we owe our safety the day past1 together with all the comforts of this life1 and the hopes of that which is to come3 we praise thee1 ,o ,lord1 we bow ourselves before thee1 acknowledging we have nothing but what we receive from thee4 ,unto thee do we give thanks1 ,o ,god1 who daily pourest thy benefits upon us4 ,blessed be thy goodness for our health1 for our food and raiment1 for our peace and safety1 for the love of our friends1 for all our blessings in this life2 and our desire to attain that life which is immortal4 ,blessed be thy love1 for that we feel in our hearts any motion toward thee4 ,behold1 ,o ,lord1 we present ourselves before thee1 to be inspired with such a vigorous sense of thy love1 as may put us forward with a greater earnestness1 zeal1 and diligence in all our duty4 ,renew in us1 we beseech1 a lively image of thee1 in all righteousness1 purity1 mercy1 faithfulness and truth4 ,o that ,jesus1 the hope of glory1 may be formed in us1 in all humility1 meekness1 patience1 and an absolute surrender of our souls and bodies to thy holy will3 that we may not live1 but ,christ may live in us2 that every one of us may say1 ,the life ,i now live in the flesh1 ,i live by faith in the ,son of ,god1 who loved me1 and gave himself for me4 ,let the remembrance of his love1 who made himself an offering for our sins1 be ever dear and precious to us4 ,let it continually move us to offer up ourselves to thee1 to do thy will1 as our blessed ,master did4 ,may we place an entire confidence in thee1 and still trust ourselves with thee1 who hast not spared thine own ,son1 but freely given him up for us all4 ,may we humbly accept of whatsoever thou sendest us1 and in every thing give thanks4 ,surely thou wilt never leave us nor forsake us4 ,o guide us safe through all the changes of this life1 in an unchangeable love to thee1 and a lively sense of thy love to us1 till we come to live with thee and enjoy thee for ever4 ,and now that we are going to lay ourselves down to sleep take us into thy gracious protection1 and settle our spirits in such quiet and delightful thoughts1 of the glory where our ,lord ,jesus lives1 that we may desire to be dissolved and to go to him who died for us1 that whether we wake or sleep1 we might live together with him4 ,to thy blessing we recommend all mankind1 high and low1 rich and poor1 that they may all faithfully serve thee1 and contentedly enjoy whatsoever is needful for them4 ,and especially we beseech thee1 that the course of this world may be so peaceably ordered by thy governance1 that thy church may joyfully serve thee in all godly quietness4 ,we leave all we have with thee1 especially our friends1 and those who are dear unto us2 desiring that when we are dead and gone1 they may lift up their souls in this manner unto thee2 and teach those that come after1 to praise1 love1 and obey thee4 ,and if we awake again in the morning1 may we praise thee again with joyful lips1 and still offer ourselves a more acceptable sacrifice to thee1 thro' ,jesus ,christ1 in whose words we beseech thee to hear us1 according to the full sense and meaning thereof1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tuesday ,,morning4 ,o ,,most great and mighty ,lord1 the possessor of heaven and earth1 all the angels rejoice in blessing and praising thee1 the ,father of spirits3 for thou hast created all things1 and in wisdom hast thou made them all1 and spread thy tender mercies over all thy works4 ,we desire thankfuly to acknowledge thy bounty to us1 among the rest of thy creatures1 and thy particular grace and favour to us1 in ,jesus ,christ1 our merciful ,redeemer4 ,o give us a deep sense of that love which gave him to die for us1 that he might be the author of eternal salvation to all them that obey him4 ,and hast thou not said1 that thou wilt give thy holy ,spirit to them that ask it8 ,o ,father of mercies1 let it be unto us1 according to thy word4 ,cherish whatever thou hast already given us1 which is acceptable in thy sight4 ,and since at the best we are unprofitable servants1 and can do no more than it is our duty to do1 enable us to do every thing which thou hast commanded us heartily1 with good will1 and true love to thy service4 ,o that we might ever approach thee with delight1 and feel it the joy of our hearts1 to think of thee1 to praise thee1 to give thee thanks1 and to offer ourselves with absolute resignation to thee4 ,o that mercy may always please us1 as it pleaseth thee6 ,that we may be strictly just and righteous6 ,may chearfully pass by injuries1 freely deny ourselves whatever is not for thy glory2 willingly submit to thy fatherly corrections1 and perform the duties of our several relations1 with singleness of heart4 ,render us so mindful of the great love of our ,lord1 that we may be zealously concerned for his glory1 and use our utmost diligence to promote his religion in the world2 delighting to commemorate his death and passion1 making a joyful sacrifice of our souls and bodies to him1 and earnestly desiring that his kingdom may come over all the earth4 8eatnestly0 replaced with 8earnestly0 ,fulfil1 most merciful ,lord all our petitions2 and as thou hast graciously protected us this night1 so accompany us all this day with thy blessing1 that we may please thee in body and soul1 and be safe under thy defence1 who art ever nigh unto all those that call upon thee4 ,and ,o that all men may be awakened into a lively and thankful sense of all thy benefits4 ,stir up especially the minds of all ,christian people1 to follow the truth as it is in ,jesus1 and exercise themselves to have a conscience void of offence towards ,god and towards man4 ,bless these kingdoms1 and endue our sovereign with such excellent wisdom and holy zeal1 that we may see many good days under his government4 ,o that true religion1 justice1 mercy1 brotherly-kindness1 and all things else that are praise-worthy1 may so flourish among us1 that we may enjoy the blessings of peace and plenty1 and there may be no complaining in our streets4 ,we recommend to thee all our friends and neighbours1 all the poor1 the sick1 and the afflicted1 desiring those mercies for them1 which we should ask for ourselves1 were we in their condition4 ,o ,god1 whose never failing providence ordereth all things both in heaven and earth1 keep them and us1 we beseech thee1 from all hurtful things1 and give us those things which are profitable for us1 according to thine abundant mercy in our ,lord ,jesus2 in whose words we conclude our supplication unto thee1 saying1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tuesday ,,evening4 ,,almighty and everlasting ,god1 the sovereign ,lord of all creatures in heaven and earth1 we acknowledge that our beings1 and all the comforts of them1 depend on thee1 the fountain of all good4 ,we have nothing but what is owing entirely to thy free and bounteous love1 ,o most blessed ,creator1 and to the riches of thy grace1 ,o most blessed ,redeemer4 ,to thee therefore be given by us1 and by all creatures1 whom thou hast made to know how great and good thou art1 all honour and praise1 all love and obedience1 as long as we have any being4 ,it is but meet1 right1 and our bounden duty1 that we should at all times1 and in all places1 give thanks unto thee1 ,o ,lord1 and devoutly resign both soul and body to thee1 to be absolutely governed and ruled according to thy holy will4 ,further1 we pray thee1 increase every good desire which we feel already in our hearts2 let us always live as becomes thy creatures1 as becomes the disciples of ,jesus ,christ4 ,incline us to be more and more in love with thy laws1 till they are written upon our hearts4 ,stir up our wills1 to love them exceedingly1 and to cleave unto them as our very life4 ,o that we might heartily surrender our wills to thine6 ,that we may unchangeably cleave unto it1 with the greatest and most entire affection to all thy commands4 ,o that there may abide for ever in us1 such a strong and powerful sense of thy mighty love towards us in ,christ ,jesus1 as may constrain us freely and willingly to please thee1 in the constant exercise of righteousness and mercy1 temperance and charity1 meekness and patience1 truth and fidelity2 together with such an humble1 contented and peaceable spirit1 as may adorn the religion of our ,lord and ,master4 ,yea let it ever be the joy of our hearts to be righteous1 as thou art righteous2 to be merciful1 as thou1 our heavenly ,father1 art merciful2 to be holy1 as thou who hast called us art holy in all manner of conversation2 to be endued with thy divine wisdom1 and to resemble thee in faithfulness and truth4 ,o that the example of our blessed ,saviour may be always dear unto us1 that we may chearfully follow him in every holy temper1 and delight to do thy will1 ,o ,god4 ,let these desires1 which thou hast given us1 never die or languish in our hearts1 but be kept always alive1 always in their vigour and force1 by the perpetual inspirations of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,accept likewise of our thanks for thy merciful preservation of us all this day4 ,we are bold again to commit ourselves unto thee this night4 ,defend us from all the powers of darkness2 and raise up our spirits1 together with our bodies1 in the morning1 to such a vigorous sense of thy continued goodness1 as may provoke us all the day long to an unwearied diligence in well-doing4 ,and the same mercies that we beg for ourselves1 we desire for the rest of mankind2 especially for those who are called by the name of ,christ4 ,o that every one of these may do his duty with all fidelity6 that kings may be tender-hearted1 as the fathers of their countries2 and all their subjects may be dutiful and obedient to them1 as their children2 that the pastors of thy church may feed their flocks with true wisdom and understanding1 and the people all may submit unto them1 and follow their godly counsels3 that the rich and mighty may have compassion on the poor and miserable2 and all such distressed people may bless the rich1 and rejoice in the prosperity of those that are above them4 ,give to husbands and wives1 parents and children1 masters and servants1 the grace to behave themselves so in their several relations1 that they may adorn the doctrine of ,god our ,saviour in all things1 and may receive of him a crown of glory3 in whose holy name and words1 we continue to beseech thy grace and mercy towards us1 and all thy people1 every where saying1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,wednesday ,,morning4 ,o ,,god1 blessed for ever1 we thank and praise thee for all thy benefits1 for the comforts of this life1 and our hope of everlasting salvation in the life to come4 ,we desire to have a lively sense of thy love always possessing our hearts1 that may still constrain us to love thee1 to obey thee1 to trust in thee1 to be content with the portion thy love allots unto us1 and to rejoice even in the midst of all the troubles of this life4 ,thou hast delivered thine own ,son for us all4 ,how shalt thou not with him also freely give us all things8 ,we depend upon thee especially for the grace of thy holy ,spirit4 ,o that we may feel it perpetually bearing us up1 by the strength of our most holy faith1 above all the temptations that may at any time assault us6 ,that we may keep ourselves unspotted from the world1 and may still cleave to thee in righteousness1 in lowliness1 purity of heart1 yea1 the whole mind that was in ,christ4 ,let thy mighty power enable us to do our duty towards thee1 and towards all men1 with care and diligence1 and zeal1 and perseverance unto the end4 ,help us to be meek and gentle in our conversation1 prudent and discreet in ordering our affairs1 observant of thy fatherly providence1 in every thing that befalls us1 thankful for thy benefits1 patient under thy chastisements1 and readily disposed for every good word and work4 ,preserve in us a constant remembrance of thy all-seeing eye2 of thy inestimable love in ,jesus ,christ1 whereof thou hast given us so many pledges1 and of the great account we must give to him at the day of his appearing2 that so we may continue stedfast and unmoveable1 and be abundant in the work of the ,lord1 knowing that our labour shall not be in vain in the ,lord4 ,deliver us we beseech thee1 from worldly cares and foolish desires2 from vain hopes and causeless fears2 and so dispose our hearts1 that death itself may not be dreadful to us1 but we may welcome it with a chearful countenance1 when and howsoever it shall approach4 ,o that our hearts may be so firmly established in grace1 that nothing may affright us1 or shake our constancy1 but we may rather chuse to die than to dishonour him who died for us6 ,we resign ourselves to thy wisdom and goodness1 who knowest what is best for us2 believing thou wilt never suffer us to be tempted above what we are able1 and wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape1 that we may be able to bear it4 ,we commend unto thee all mankind2 especially thy church1 and more particularly these kingdoms1 that we may all believe in our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 and be zealous of good works4 ,bless our sovereign1 his counsellors1 his ministers1 and all employed in public business1 whether spiritual or civil1 that whatsoever they do may be for thy glory1 and the public good4 ,be gracious to all that are near and dear to us1 and keep us all in thy fear and love4 ,guide us1 good ,lord1 and govern us by the same spirit1 that we may be so united to thee here1 as not to be divided when thou art pleased to call us hence1 but together enter into thy glory1 to dwell with thee in love and joy that shall never die1 through ,jesus ,christ our blessed ,lord and ,saviour1 who hath taught us1 when we pray1 to say1 8,our ,father1 c40 8-ther0 replaced with 8,father0 99 99 99 99 99 ,,wednesday ,,evening4 ,o ,,lord1 how manifold are thy works6 in wisdom hast thou made them all4 ,the day is thine1 the night also is thine2 thou hast prepared the light and the sun4 ,we render thee thanks for all the benefits which thou hast bestowed on the whole world2 especially on us1 whom thou hast called to the knowledge of thy grace in ,christ ,jesus4 ,it is a marvellous love wherewith thou hast loved us4 ,thou hast not dealt so with all people3 and as for thy great and precious promises1 they have not known them4 ,accept1 ,o merciful ,father1 the good resolutions which thou hast inspired us with by thy ,spirit4 ,strengthen them1 we beseech thee1 with thy continued grace1 that no sudden desires1 vehement inclinations1 ineffectual purposes1 no1 nor partial performances1 may lead us into a false opinion of ourselves3 but that we may bring forth actually1 and with a constant spirit1 all the fruits of righteousness1 which are by ,christ ,jesus4 ,deny not1 ,o ,lord1 the desires of those souls1 who would offer up themselves entirely to thy service4 ,but preserve us always in seriousness of spirit4 ,let the sense of our weakness make us watchful and diligent1 the sense of our former negligence1 excite us to be fervent in spirit1 and the goodness of thy commands render us fruitful and abundant in the work of the ,lord4 ,o that all our pious affections may be turned into actions of piety and holiness3 and may all our actions be spirited with zeal1 and all our zeal regulated with prudence1 and our prudence void of all guile1 and joined with perfect integrity of heart3 that adorning our most holy faith here1 by an upright1 charitable and discreet conversation1 we may receive praise in the day of the ,lord1 and be numbered with thy saints in glory everlasting4 ,o lift up our affections to things above1 that we may have perfect contentment in well-doing and patient suffering1 and the good hope we have of being eternally beloved of thee1 may make us rejoice evermore4 ,free us from the cares of the world1 from all distrust of thy good providence1 from repining at any thing that befals us1 and enable us in every thing to give thanks1 believing that all things are ordered wisely1 and shall work together for good4 ,into thy hands we commend both our souls and bodies1 which thou hast mercifully preserved this day4 ,we trust in thy watchful providence1 who givest thy angels charge over us1 who art about our beds1 and about our paths1 and spiest out all our thoughts4 ,o continue these holy thoughts and desires in us till we fall asleep1 that we may receive the light of the morning1 if thou prolongest our lives1 with a new joy in thee1 and thankful affection to thee4 ,we desire likewise1 ,o ,god1 the good of the whole world4 ,pity the follies of mankind2 deliver them from their miseries1 and forgive thou all their sins4 ,hear the groans of every part of the creation1 that is yet subject to bondage1 and bring them all into the glorious liberty of the sons of ,god4 ,hear the daily prayers of the ,catholic church4 ,free her from all foul and dividing errors3 let the truth as is in ,jesus1 prevail1 and peace be in all her borders4 ,o that all ,christian governors may seek peace and ensue it6 ,make thy ministers the messengers of peace1 and dispose all who are called ,christians1 to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace4 8it0 replaced with 8is0 ,enlighten the minds of all ,jews1 ,turks1 and ,infidels4 ,strengthen all thy faithful servants4 ,bring back them that wander out of the way2 raise up those that are fallen2 confirm those that stand1 and grant them steadily to persevere in faith1 love and obedience4 ,relieve and comfort all that are in distress4 ,let the earth bring forth her fruit in due season3 and let all honest and industrious people be blest in their labours4 ,remember all those who have done good unto us1 and reward them sevenfold into their bosom4 ,grant forgiveness and charity to all our enemies2 and continue good-will among all our neighbours4 ,support the sick with faith and patience2 assist those who are leaving this world4 ,receive the souls which thou hast redeemed with thy ,son's precious blood1 and sanctified by the ,holy ,ghost4 ,and give us all a glorious resurrection and eternal life4 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,thursday ,,morning4 ,o ,,lord1 the ,god of our salvation1 thou art the hope of all the ends of the earth4 ,upon thee the eyes of all do wait2 for thou givest unto all life and breath and all things4 ,thou still watchest over us for good2 thou daily renewest to us our lives and thy mercies3 and thou hast given us the assurance of thy word1 that if we commit our affairs to thee1 if we acknowledge thee in all our ways1 thou wilt direct our paths4 ,we desire1 ,o ,lord1 to be still under thy gracious conduct and fatherly protection4 ,we beg the guidance and help of thy good ,spirit1 to chuse our inheritance for us1 and to dispose of us1 and all that concerns us1 to the glory of thy name4 ,o ,lord1 withdraw not thy tender mercies from us1 nor the comforts of thy presence6 ,never punish our past sins1 by giving us over to the power of our sins3 but pardon all our sins1 and save us from all our iniquities4 ,and grant us1 ,o good ,god1 the continual sense of thy gracious acceptance of us1 in the ,son of thy love1 that our souls may bless thee1 and all that is within us may praise thy holy name4 ,and ,o that we may find the joy of the ,lord to be our strength2 to defend us from all our sins1 and to make us more zealous of every good work3 that herein we may exercise ourselves1 to have a conscience void of offence1 both towards ,god and towards men4 ,o help us to walk circumspectly1 not as fools1 but as wise1 carefully redeeming the time1 improving all those seasons and means of grace1 which thou art pleased to put into our hands4 ,sanctify to us all our employments in the world2 our crosses also and our comforts2 all the estates we go through1 and all the events that befal us1 till through the merits of thy ,son1 and the multitude of thy mercies1 we are conducted safe to be ever with the ,lord4 ,thou hast laid help for us upon one that is mighty2 that is able to save unto the uttermost1 all those who come unto ,god thro' him4 ,through him thou hast encouraged us to come boldly1 that we may obtain mercy1 and find grace to help in time of need4 ,help us1 we beseech thee1 to demean ourselves as becomes the children of ,god1 the redeemed of the ,lord1 the members of ,christ4 ,put thy ,spirit within us1 causing us to walk in thy statutes1 and to keep thy judgments1 and do them4 ,yea let it be our meat and drink to do thy will1 and to run the way of thy commandments4 ,o gracious ,father1 keep us we pray thee1 this day in thy fear and favour1 and teach us1 in all our thoughts1 words1 and works1 to live to thy glory4 ,if thou guide us not we go astray2 if thou uphold us not1 we fall4 ,o let thy good providence be our defence1 and thy good ,spirit our guide1 and counsellor1 and supporter in all our ways4 ,and grant that we may do always what is acceptable in thy sight1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord2 in whose holy name and words we close these our imperfect prayers3 8,our ,father1 c40 ,let thy grace1 ,o ,lord ,jesus1 thy love1 ,o heavenly ,father1 and thy comfortable fellowship1 ,o blessed ,spirit1 be with us1 and with all that desire our prayers1 this day and for evermore4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,thursday ,,evening4 ,o ,,lord our ,god1 thy glory is above all our thoughts1 and thy mercy is over all thy works4 ,we are still living monuments of thy mercy4 ,for thou hast not cut us off in our sins1 but still givest us a good hope and strong consolation thro' grace4 ,thou hast sent thy only ,son into the world1 that whosoever believeth in him should not perish in his sins1 but have everlasting life4 ,o ,lord1 we believe3 help our unbelief2 and give us the true repentance towards ,god1 and faith in our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 that we may be in the number of those1 who do indeed repent and believe to the saving of the soul4 ,being justified by faith1 let us have peace with ,god thro' our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 let us rejoice in him thro' whom we have now redemption in his blood2 and let the love of ,god be shed abroad in our hearts1 by the ,holy ,ghost which is given unto us4 ,and as we pray that thou wilt be to us a father of mercies and a ,god of consolation1 so that thou wilt make us followers of ,god as dear children1 ever jealous over our hearts1 and watchful over our ways2 continually fearing to offend1 and endeavouring to please thee4 ,thou knowest1 ,o ,lord1 all our temptations1 and the sin that doth so easily beset us4 ,thou knowest the devices of the enemy1 and the deceitfulness of our own hearts4 ,we pray thee1 good ,lord1 that thou wilt arm us with the whole armour of ,god4 ,uphold us with thy free spirit1 and watch over us for good evermore4 ,let our supplications also ascend before thee1 for the whole race of mankind4 ,send thy word unto all the ends of the earth1 and let it be the savour of life unto all that hear it4 ,be gracious to this our native land4 ,o do thou rule all our rulers1 counsel all our counsellors1 teach all our teachers1 and order all the public affairs to thy glory4 ,turn from us the judgments which we feel or fear2 continue thy blessings to our souls and bodies1 and notwithstanding all our provocations1 be thou still our ,god1 and let us be thy people4 ,have compassion on all the children of affliction1 and sanctify thy fatherly corrections to them4 ,be gracious to all our friends and neighbours4 ,reward our benefactors4 ,bless our relations with the best of thy blessings1 with thy fear and love4 ,preserve us from our enemies1 and reconcile them both to us and to thyself4 ,o that all the habitations of ,christians may be houses of prayer6 ,and be thou especially kind to the several families where thy blessed name is called upon4 ,let thy blessing rest upon us of this family4 ,bless all our present estates to us2 and fit us all for whatsoever thou shall be pleased to call us to4 ,o teach us how to want and how to abound4 ,in every condition secure our hearts to thyself2 and make us ever to approve ourselves sincere and faithful in thy service4 ,and now1 ,o ,father of mercies1 be pleased to accept our evening sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving4 ,o that thou wouldst imprint and preserve upon our hearts a lively sense of all thy kindness to us2 that our souls may bless thee1 and all that is within us may praise thy holy name4 ,yea1 let us give thee thanks from the ground of the heart1 and praise our ,god1 while we have our being1 for all thy patience with us1 thy care over us1 and thy continual mercy to us1 blessed be thy name1 ,o ,lord ,god1 our heavenly ,father1 and unto thee1 with the ,son of thy love1 and ,spirit of grace1 be all thanks and praise1 now and for evermore4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,friday ,,morning4 ,o ,,lord ,god1 merciful and gracious1 long-suffering and abundant in goodness and truth2 thou keepest mercy for thousands2 thou pardonest iniquity and transgression and sin4 ,how excellent is thy loving kindness1 ,o ,god6 ,the children of men shall put their trust under the shadow of thy wings6 ,and therefore do we still look up to that bountiful hand1 from whence we have received all our good things4 ,o ,lord our ,god1 be favourable unto us2 as thou usest to be unto those that love thy holy name6 ,o look not upon the sin of our nature1 nor the sins of our hearts and lives1 which are more than we can remember1 and greater than we can express4 ,it is of the ,lord's mercies that we are not consumed1 because thy compassions fail not4 ,but thou lookest upon the face of thine anointed1 who was manifested to take away our sins3 by whom it is that we have the access unto the ,majesty on high4 ,o ,god1 be merciful to us miserable sinners2 for his sake whom thou hast exalted1 to be a prince and a ,saviour1 to give repentance unto thy people and forgiveness of sins4 ,be merciful ,o ,god1 be merciful unto our souls which have greatly sinned against thee4 ,o heal our backslidings3 renew us to repentance3 establish our hearts in thy fear and love2 and establish our goings in thy way1 that our footsteps slip not4 ,let us waver no more2 let us never more be weary or faint in our minds4 ,let us not revolt from thee1 or turn to folly again1 after thou hast spoken peace to our souls3 but may we go on conquering and to conquer all the enemies of our souls1 and all the hindrances of our salvation1 till thou hast bruised ,satan under our feet4 ,seeing there is in ,christ ,jesus an infinite fulness of all that we can want or wish1 ,o that we may all receive of his fulness1 grace upon grace6 ,grace to pardon our sins1 and subdue our iniquities2 to justify our persons1 and to sanctify our souls3 and to compleat that holy change1 that renewal of our hearts1 whereby we may be transformed into that blessed image wherein thou didst create us4 ,o make us all meet to be partakers of the inheritance of thy saints in light4 ,and teach us1 ,o ,god1 to use this world without abusing it3 and to receive the things needful for the body1 without losing our part in thy love1 which is better than life itself4 ,whatever we have of this world1 ,o may we have the same with thy leave and love2 sanctified to us by the word of ,god and by prayer2 and by the right improvement thereof to thy glory4 ,and whatever we want of worldly things1 leave us not destitute of the things that accompany salvation2 but adorn our souls with all such graces of thy holy ,spirit1 that we may adorn the doctrine of ,god our ,saviour in all things4 ,and now1 that thou hast renewed our lives and thy mercies to us this morning1 help us to renew our desires and resolutions1 and endeavours to live in obedience to thy holy will4 ,o restrain us from the sins into which we are most prone to fall1 and quicken us to the duties we are most averse to perform4 ,and grant that we may think and speak1 and will and do1 the things becoming the children of our heavenly ,father2 and so find the strong consolation of thy gracious acceptance in ,jesus ,christ our ,saviour3 who1 when we pray1 hath taught us to say1 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,friday ,,evening4 ,o ,,lord1 thou wast before all1 thou art above all1 and thy years shall not fail4 ,thou art the searcher of our hearts4 ,thou knowest the dulness and hardness1 the vanity and deceitfulness of them3 we were born sinners1 and so have we lived4 ,we have added sin to sin4 ,we have abused thy great and manifold mercies1 tempted thy patience1 and despised thy goodness4 ,and justly mightest thou have cast us into outer darkness1 where is wailing and gnashing of teeth4 ,but of thy loving kindnesses there is no number4 ,thou still callest us to return to thee3 and whosoever cometh to thee1 thou wilt in no wise cast out4 ,o meet us with thy heavenly grace1 that we may be able to come to thee4 ,be thou graciously pleased to stretch forth thy hand1 and loose the chains wherewith our souls are entangled4 ,o free us from every weight of sin1 from every yoke of bondage4 ,o help us to feel1 and bewail1 and forsake all our sins4 ,and let us never want the comfortable assurance of thy forgiveness of them1 thy acceptance of us1 and thy love to us1 in the blessed ,son of thy eternal love4 ,thou art never weary1 ,o ,lord1 of doing us good4 ,let us never be weary of doing thee service4 ,but as thou hast pleasure in the prosperity of thy servants1 so let us take pleasure in the service of our ,lord1 and abound in thy work1 and in thy love and praise evermore4 ,o fill up all that is wanting1 reform whatever is amiss in us1 and perfect the thing that concerneth us4 ,let the witness of thy pardoning love ever abide in all our hearts4 ,o speak into every one of our souls the peace which passeth all understanding3 and let us always look upon thee as our ,father1 reconciled to us in ,jesus ,christ4 ,in his great name we cry unto thee in the behalf of the whole race of mankind4 ,o that all the ends of the earth may see the salvation of our ,god4 ,continue thy mercies to this sinful land2 teach us at length to know thy will concerning us3 and oh6 turn thou all our hearts unto thee1 as the heart of one man4 ,bless the king2 ,o ,lord prolong his days and prosper his government2 make him always a terror to evil-doers1 and a praise to them that do well4 ,and grant unto all magistrates and ministers of thy word1 a continual supply of all the needful gifts and graces of the holy ,spirit4 ,be thou a father to the fatherless1 a husband to the widow1 a refuge to the oppressed1 a physician to the sick1 a helper of the friendless1 a ,god of consolation to the sorrowful and distressed4 ,bless to us whatsoever thou art pleased to allot us1 and every thing that befals us4 ,make all work for our good1 to build us up in thy grace1 and to help us on to thy glory4 ,continue thy fatherly care over us this night4 ,o preserve and defend1 and bless and keep us1 that no evil may befal us1 nor any plague come nigh our dwelling4 ,give us comfortable sleep to strengthen us for thy service4 ,and whenever thou callest us to the sleep of death1 let us chearfully resign our spirits into thy hands1 through the riches of thy grace1 and the worthiness of thy ,son1 in whose merits and mediation alone we put our trust4 ,and for all that he hath done and suffered for us1 to thy name1 ,o blessed ,god of our salvation1 be the praise1 and honour1 and glory1 given by us and all thy people1 now and for evermore4 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,saturday ,,morning4 ,,we present ourselves before thee1 ,o ,lord our ,god1 to pay our tribute of prayer and thanksgiving2 desiring thee mercifully to accept us and our services1 at the hands of ,jesus ,christ4 ,in his great name we come to beg thy pardon and peace1 the increase of thy grace1 and the tokens of thy love4 ,for we are not worthy of the least of thy mercies4 ,but worthy is the ,lamb that was slain to take away the sin of the world2 for whose sake thou wilt give us all things4 ,for he hath fulfilled those holy laws which we had broken1 and perfectly satisfied for our offences4 ,and in him thou art a ,god gracious and merciful to those who deserve nothing but punishment4 ,o merciful ,father1 regard not what we have done against thee3 but what our blessed ,saviour hath done for us4 ,regard not what we have made ourselves2 but what he is made unto us of thee our ,god4 ,o that ,christ may be to every one of our souls1 wisdom and righteousness1 sanctification1 and redemption6 ,that his precious blood may cleanse us from all our sins2 and that thy holy ,spirit may renew and sanctify our souls4 ,may he crucify our flesh with its affections and lusts1 and mortify all our members which are upon earth4 ,o let not sin reign in our mortal bodies1 that we should obey it in the lusts thereof2 but being made free from sin1 let us be the servants of righteousness4 ,let us approve our hearts to thee1 and let all our ways be pleasing in thy sight4 ,o teach us to know thee our ,god1 and ,jesus ,christ whom thou hast sent3 and enable us to do thy will on earth1 as it is done in heaven4 ,give us to fear thee and to love thee1 to trust and delight in thee1 and to cleave to thee with full purpose of heart1 that no temptations may draw us or drive us from thee2 but that all thy dispensations to us and thy dealings with us may be the messengers of thy love to our souls4 ,quicken us1 ,o ,lord1 in our dulness1 that we may not serve thee in a lifeless and listless manner3 but may abound in thy work1 and be fervent in spirit1 serving the ,lord4 ,and make us faithful in all our intercourse with our neighbour1 that we may be ready to do good and bear evil1 that we may be just and kind1 merciful and meek1 peaceable and patient1 sober and temperate1 humble and self-denying1 inoffensive and useful in the world2 that so glorifying thee here1 we may be glorified with thee in thy heavenly kingdom4 ,day by day we magnify thee1 ,o ,lord1 who makest every day an addition to thy mercies4 ,we bless thee for preserving us the night past1 and for the rest thou gavest us therein4 ,o cause us to hear thy loving kindness in the morning2 for in thee do we trust4 ,cause us to know the way wherein we shall go1 for we lift up our souls unto thee4 ,o take not thy holy ,spirit from us3 but direct all our ways to please thee our ,god4 ,help us to see thy power1 to own thy presence1 to admire thy wisdom1 and to love thy goodness in all thy creatures3 and by all1 draw our hearts still nearer to thee4 ,such thy mercy and grace we beg for ourselves1 and all ours and thine every where1 in our great ,mediator's blessed words4 8,our ,father1 c40 99 99 99 99 99 ,,saturday ,,evening4 ,o ,,lord our ,god1 thou art infinitely good1 and thou hast shewed us what is good4 ,thou sendest out thy light and thy truth1 that they may guide us1 and makest plain thy way before our face4 ,thou givest us many opportunities and advantages1 to quicken and further us in thy service4 ,we have line upon line1 and precept upon precept2 thy messengers early and late1 to open and apply thy word1 to call and warn1 to direct and exhort us with all long-suffering4 ,but how little have we improved all the precious talents1 which thou hast put into our hands6 ,o ,lord1 thou mightest justly take away the gospel of thy kingdom from us1 and give it unto another people1 who would bring forth the fruits thereof4 ,because thou hast called and we refused1 thou hast stretched forth thy hands1 and we have not regarded1 thou mightest leave us to our own perverseness and impenitence1 till our iniquities became our ruin4 ,but1 ,o ,lord ,god1 enter not thus into judgment with thy servants4 ,pardon all our contempt of thy word1 and our not profiting thereby4 ,and help us for the time to come1 better to improve the blessed opportunities set before us4 ,as the rain descends from heaven and returns not thither1 but waters the earth and maketh it fruitful3 so let not thy word return unto thee void1 but prosper in the work whereunto thou sendest it4 ,o make it effectual to build us all up1 in the true fear and love of ,god1 and in the right knowledge and faith of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,o gracious ,god1 may thy ,spirit cause thy word to work thoroughly and successfully in all our hearts4 ,and as we daily receive1 how we ought to walk and to please thee our ,god2 so help us to walk worthy of the ,lord1 unto all well-pleasing3 increasing in the knowledge and love of thee1 and abounding more and more in every good work1 which is pleasing in thy sight1 through ,jesus ,christ4 ,at his hands1 ,o ,lord our ,god1 we beg thy gracious acceptance1 of our humble praise and thanksgiving1 for all thy blessings1 spiritual and temporal1 so freely conferred upon us4 ,we praise thee for all the comforts and conveniencies of this life1 and for all the means and hopes of a better3 particularly for what we have received this day2 the food of our souls set before us2 the word of salvation sounding in our ears1 and the ,spirit of ,god striving with our hearts4 ,o withdraw not thy tender mercies from us1 but still continue thy accustomed goodness1 and increase thy grace and heavenly blessings upon us1 and rejoice over us to do us good4 ,in mercy pass by all which thy most pure and holy eyes have seen amiss in us this day4 ,forgive the iniquities of our holy things2 overlook all our sins and failings1 through our great ,mediator and ,redeemer1 who ever lives at thy right-hand to make intercession for us4 ,and for ,jesus ,christ1 and all which thou art pleased to give us together with him2 not unto us1 ,o ,lord1 but unto thy name be all the praise and honour and glory1 humbly ascribed by us1 and all thy church1 now and for evermore6 8,our ,father1 c40 ,an ,,address to the ,,clergy4 ,brethren and ,fathers1 ,,let it not be imputed to forwardness1 vanity or presumption1 that one who is of little esteem in the church1 takes upon him thus to address a body of people1 to many of whom he owes the highest reverence4 ,i owe a still higher regard to him who ,i believe requires this at my hands2 to the great bishop of our souls2 before whom both you and ,i must shortly give an account of our stewardship4 ,it is a debt ,i owe to love1 to real1 disinterested affection1 to declare what has long been the burden of my soul4 ,and may the ,god of love enable you to read these lines1 in the same spirit wherewith they were wrote6 ,it will easily appear to an unprejudiced reader1 that ,i do not speak from a spirit of anger or resentment4 ,i know well1 the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of ,god4 ,much less would ,i utter one word out of contempt2 a spirit justly abhorred by ,god and man4 ,neither of these can consist with that earnest1 tender love1 which is the motive of my present undertaking4 ,in this spirit ,i desire to cast my bread upon the waters2 it is enough1 if ,i find it again after many days4 ,meantime you are sensible1 love does not forbid1 but rather require plainness of speech4 ,has it not often constrained you as well as me1 to lay aside not only disguise1 but reserve also8 ,and by manifestation of the truth to commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of ,god8 ,and while ,i endeavour to do this1 let me earnestly entreat you1 for the love of ,god1 for the love of your own soul1 for the love of the souls committed to your charge1 yea1 and of the whole church of ,christ1 do not bias your mind1 by thinking who it is that speaks2 but impartially consider1 what is spoken4 ,and if it be false or foolish1 reject it3 but do not reject the words of truth and soberness4 ,my first design was1 to offer a few plain thoughts to the clergy of our own church only4 ,but upon farther reflection1 ,i see no cause for being so straitened in my own bowels4 ,i am a debtor to all3 and therefore though ,i primarily speak to them with whom ,i am more immediately connected1 yet ,i would not be understood to exclude any1 of whatsoever denomination1 whom ,god has called to watch over the souls of others1 as they that must give account4 ,in order to our giving this account with joy1 are there not two things which it highly imports us to consider1 first1 ,what manner of men ought we to be8 ,secondly1 ,are we such1 or are we not8 ,i4 ,and1 first1 ,if we are overseers over the church of ,god1 which he hath bought with his own blood1 what manner of men ought we to be1 in gifts as well as in grace8 7#a47 ,to begin with gifts1 and #a4 with those that are from nature4 ,ought not a minister to have1 #ast1 ,a good understanding8 ,a clear apprehension1 a sound judgment1 and a capacity of reasoning with some closeness8 ,is not this necessary in an high degree for the work of the ministry8 ,otherwise how will he be able to understand the various states of those under his care8 ,or to steer them through a thousand difficulties and dangers1 to the haven where they would be8 ,is it not necessary1 with respect to the numerous enemies whom he has to encounter8 ,can a fool cope with all the men that know not ,god8 ,and with all the spirits of darkness8 ,nay1 he will neither be aware of the devices of ,satan1 nor the craftiness of his children4 #b;dly1 ,is it not highly expedient that a guide of souls should have likewise some liveliness and readiness of thought8 ,or how will he be able1 when need requires1 to answer a fool according to his folly8 ,how frequent is this need8 ,seeing we almost every where meet with those empty1 yet petulant creatures1 who are far wiser in their own eyes1 than seven men that can render a reason4 ,reasoning therefore is not the weapon to be used with them4 ,you cannot deal with them thus4 ,they scorn being convinced2 nor can they be silenced1 but in their own way4 #c;dly1 ,to a sound understanding1 and a lively turn of thought1 should be joined a good memory3 if it may be1 ready1 that you may make whatever occurs in reading or conversation1 your own2 but however1 retentive1 lest we be ever learning1 and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth4 ,on the contrary1 every scribe instructed unto the kingdom of heaven1 every teacher fitted for his work1 is like an housholder who bringeth out of his treasures things new and old4 #b4 ,and as to acquired endowments1 can he take one step aright1 without1 first1 a competent share of knowledge8 ,a knowledge1 #ast1 of his own office2 of the high trust in which he stands1 the important work to which he is called8 ,is there any hope that a man should discharge his office well1 if he knows not what it is8 ,that he should acquit himself faithfully of a trust1 the very nature whereof he does not understand8 ,nay3 if he knows not the work ,god has given him to do1 he cannot finish it4 #b;dly1 ,no less necessary is a knowledge of the scriptures1 which teach us how to teach others3 yea1 a knowledge of all the scriptures2 seeing scripture interprets scripture2 one part fixing the sense of another4 ,so that whether it be true or not1 that every good textuary is a good divine1 it is certain1 none can be a good divine who is not a good textuary4 ,none else can be mighty in the scriptures2 able both to instruct1 and to stop the mouths of gainsayers4 ,in order to do this accurately1 ought he not to know the literal meaning of every word1 verse and chapter1 without which there can be no firm foundation on which the spiritual meaning can be built8 ,should he not likewise be able to deduce the proper corollaries1 speculative and practical1 from each text2 to solve the difficulties which arise1 and answer the objections which are or may be raised against it2 and to make a suitable application of all1 to the consciences of his hearers8 #c;dly1 ,but can he do this1 in the most effectual manner1 without a knowledge of the original tongues8 ,without this1 will he not frequently be at a stand1 even as to texts which regard practice only8 ,but he will be under still greater difficulties1 with respect to controverted scriptures4 ,he will be ill able to rescue these out of the hands of any man of learning that would pervert them3 for whenever an appeal is made to the original1 his mouth is stopt at once4 #dthly1 ,is not a knowledge of profane history likewise1 of antient customs1 of chronology and geography1 tho' not absolutely necessary1 yet highly expedient for him that would throughly understand the scriptures8 ,since the want even of this knowledge is but poorly supplied by reading the comments of other men4 #ethly1 ,some knowledge of the sciences also1 is 7to say the least7 equally expedient4 ,nay1 may we not say1 that the knowledge of one 7whether art or science7 altho' now quite unfashionable1 is even necessary1 next1 and in order to1 the knowledge of the scripture itself8 ,i mean1 logic4 ,for what is this1 if rightly understood1 but the art of good sense8 ,of apprehending things clearly1 judging truly1 and reasoning conclusively8 ,what is it1 viewed in another light1 but the art of learning and teaching8 ,whether by convincing or persuading8 ,what is there then1 in the whole compass of science1 to be desired in comparison of it8 ,is not some acquaintance with what has been termed ,the second part of logic1 metaphysicks1 if not so necessary as this1 yet highly expedient1 #a4 ,in order to clear our apprehension 7without which it is impossible either to judge correctly1 or to reason closely or conclusively7 by ranging our ideas under general heads3 and1 #b4 ,in order to understand many useful writers1 who can very hardly be understood without it8 ,should not a minister be acquainted too with at least the general grounds of natural philosophy8 ,is not this a great help to the accurate understanding several passages of scripture8 ,assisted by this1 he may himself comprehend1 and on proper occasions explain to others1 how the invisible things of ,god are seen from the creation of the world8 how the heavens declare the glory of ,god1 and the firmament sheweth his handy work3 till they cry out1 ,o ,lord1 how manifold are thy works6 ,in wisdom hast thou made them all4 ,but how far can he go in this1 without some knowledge of geometry8 which is likewise useful1 not barely on this account1 but to give clearness of apprehension1 and an habit of thinking closely and connectedly4 ,it must be allowed indeed1 that some of these branches of knowledge are not so indispensably necessary as the rest2 and therefore no thinking man will condemn the fathers of the ,church1 for having in all ages and nations1 appointed some to the ministry1 who suppose they had the capacity1 yet had not had the opportunity of attaining them4 ,but what excuse is this1 for one who has the opportunity1 and makes no use of it8 ,what can be urged for a person who has had an university education1 if he does not understand them all8 ,certainly1 supposing him to have any capacity1 to have common understanding1 he is inexcusable before ,god and man4 #fthly1 ,can any who spend several years in those seats of learning1 be excused1 if they do not add to that of the languages and sciences1 the knowledge of the fathers8 ,the most authentic commentators on scripture1 as being both nearest the fountain1 and eminently endued with that spirit by whom all scripture was given8 ,it will be easily perceived1 ,i speak chiefly of those who wrote before the council of ,nice4 ,but who would not likewise desire to have some acquaintance with those that followed them8 ,with ,st4 ,chrysostom1 ,basil1 ,jerome1 ,austin2 and above all1 the man of a broken heart1 ,ephraim ,syrus4 #gthly1 ,there is yet another branch of knowledge highly necessary for a clergyman1 and that is1 knowledge of the world2 a knowledge of men1 of their maxims1 tempers and manners1 such as they occur in real life4 ,without this he will be liable to receive much hurt1 and capable of doing little good2 as he will not know1 either how to deal with men1 according to the vast variety of their characters2 or to preserve himself from those1 who almost in every place lie in wait to deceive4 ,how nearly allied to this1 is1 the discernment of spirits8 so far as it may be acquired by diligent observation4 ,and can a guide of souls be without it8 ,if he is1 is he not liable to stumble at every step8 #hthly1 ,can he be without an eminent share of prudence8 that most uncommon thing which is usually called common sense8 ,but how shall we define it8 ,shall we say1 with the schools1 that it is1 recta ratio rerum agibilium particularium8 ,or is it1 an habitual consideration of all the circumstances of a thing8 ,quis1 quid1 ubi1 quibus auxiliis1 cur1 quomodo quando8 ,and a facility of adapting our behaviour to the various combinations of them8 ,however it be defined1 should it not be studied with all care1 and pursued with all earnestness of application8 ,for what terrible inconveniences ensue1 whenever it is remarkably wanting8 #ithly1 ,next to prudence or common sense 7if it be not included therein7 a clergyman ought certainly to have some degree of good-breeding3 ,i mean1 address1 easiness and propriety of behaviour1 wherever his lot is cast3 perhaps one might add1 he should have 7tho' not the stateliness2 for he is the servant of all1 yet7 all the courtesy of a gentleman1 joined with the correctness of a scholar4 ,do we want a pattern of this8 ,we have one in ,st4 ,paul1 even before ,felix1 ,festus1 ,king ,agrippa4 ,one can scarce help thinking1 he was one of the best bred men1 one of the finest gentlemen in the world4 ,o that we likewise had the skill to please all men1 for their good unto edification6 ,in order to this1 especially in our public ministrations1 would not one wish for a strong1 clear1 musical voice1 and a good delivery1 both with regard to pronunciation and action8 ,i name these here because they are far more acquirable1 than has been commonly imagined4 ,a remarkably weak and untuneable voice has by steady application become strong and agreeable4 ,those who stammered almost at every word1 have learned to speak clearly and plainly4 ,and many who were eminently ungraceful in their pronunciation1 and aukward in their gesture1 have in some time by art and labour not only corrected that aukwardness of action1 and ungracefulness of utterance1 but have become excellent in both1 and in these respects likewise the ornaments of their profession4 8remarkable0 replaced with 8remarkably0 per ,errata ,what may greatly encourage those who give themselves up to the work1 with regard to all these endowments1 many of which cannot be attained without considerable labour1 is this3 they are assured of being assisted in all their labour1 by him who teacheth man knowledge4 ,and who teacheth like him8 ,who1 like him1 giveth wisdom to the simple8 ,how easy is it for him1 7if we desire it1 and believe that he is both able and willing to do this7 by the powerful tho' secret influences of his ,spirit1 to open and enlarge our understanding2 to strengthen all our faculties2 to bring to our remembrance whatsoever things are needful1 and to fix and sharpen our attention to them2 so that we may profit above all who depend wholly on themselves1 in whatever may qualify us for our masters work4 7#b47 ,but all these things1 however great they may be in themselves1 are little in comparison of those that follow4 ,for what are all other gifts1 whether natural or acquired1 when compared to the grace of ,god8 ,and how ought this to animate and govern the whole intention1 affection1 and practice of a minister of ,christ4 #a4 ,as to his intention1 both in undertaking this important office1 and in executing every part of it1 ought it not to be singly this1 to glorify ,god1 and to save souls from death8 ,is not this absolutely and indispensably necessary1 before all and above all things8 ,if his eye be single1 his whole body1 his whole soul1 his whole work will be full of light4 ,god who commanded light to shine out of darkness1 will shine on his heart2 will direct him in all his ways1 will give him to see the travel of his soul and be satisfied4 ,but if his eye1 his intention be not single1 if there be any mixture of meaner motives1 7how much more1 if those were or are his leading motives in undertaking or exercising this high office87 his whole body1 his whole soul will be full of darkness1 even such as issues from the bottomless pit3 let not such a man think1 that he shall have any blessing from the ,lord4 ,no3 ,the curse of ,god abideth on him4 ,let him not expect to enjoy any settled peace1 any solid comfort in his own breast3 neither can he hope1 there will be any fruit of his labours1 any sinners converted unto ,god4 99#b4 ,as to his affections4 ,ought not a steward of the mysteries of ,god1 a shepherd of the souls for whom ,christ died1 to be endued with an eminent measure of love to ,god1 and love to all his brethren8 ,a love the same in kind1 but in degree far beyond that of ordinary ,christians8 ,can he otherwise answer the high character he bears1 and the relation wherein he stands8 ,without this1 how can he go through all the toils and difficulties which necessarily attend the faithful execution of his office8 ,would it be possible for a parent to go through the pain and fatigue of bearing and bringing up even one child1 were it not for that vehement affection1 that inexpressible 1 which the ,creator has given for that very end8 ,how much less will it be possible for any pastor1 any spiritual parent to go through the pain and labour of travailing in birth for1 and bringing up many children1 to the measure of the full stature of ,christ1 without a large measure of that inexpressible affection1 which a stranger intermeddleth not with8 8straning0 replaced with 8stranger0 ,he therefore must be utterly void of understanding1 must be a madman of the highest order1 who on any consideration whatever1 undertakes this office1 while he is a stranger to this affection4 ,nay1 ,i have often wondered that any man in his senses1 does not rather dig or thresh for a livelihood1 than continue therein1 unless he feels at least 7which is extrem line amare7 such an earnest concern for the glory of ,god1 and such a thirst after the salvation of souls1 that he is ready to do any thing1 to lose any thing1 or to suffer any thing1 rather than one should perish for whom ,christ died4 ,and is not even this degree of love to ,god and man utterly inconsistent with the love of the world8 ,with the love of money or praise8 ,with the very lowest degree of either ambition or sensuality8 ,how much less can it consist with that poor1 low1 irrational1 childish principle1 the love of diversions8 7,surely even a man1 were he neither a minister1 nor a ,christian1 should put away childish things47 ,not only this1 but the love of pleasure1 and what lies still deeper in the soul1 the love of ease1 flees before it4 99#c4 ,as to his practice4 ,unto the ungodly1 saith ,god1 why dost thou preach my laws8 ,what is a minister of ,christ1 a shepherd of souls1 unless he is all devoted to ,god8 ,unless he abstain with the utmost care and diligence1 from every evil word and work2 from all appearance of evil2 yea1 from the most innocent things1 whereby any might be offended or made weak8 ,is he not called above others1 to be an example to the flock1 in his private as well as public character8 ,an example of all holy and heavenly tempers1 filling the heart so as to shine through the life8 ,consequently1 is not his whole life1 if he walks worthy of his calling one incessant labour of love8 ,one continued tract of praising ,god1 and helping man8 ,one series of thankfulness and beneficence8 ,is he not always humble1 always serious1 tho' rejoicing evermore2 mild1 gentle1 patient1 abstinent8 ,may you not resemble him to a guardian angel1 ministering to those who shall be heirs of salvation8 ,is he not one sent forth from ,god1 to stand between ,god and man1 to guard and assist the poor1 helpless children of men1 to supply them both with light and strength1 to guide them through a thousand known and unknown dangers1 'till at the appointed time he returns with those committed to his charge1 to his and their ,father who is in heaven8 8gaurd0 replaced with 8guard0 99,o who is able to describe such a messenger of ,god1 faithfully executing his high office8 ,working together with ,god1 with the great ,author both of the old and new creation6 ,see his ,lord the eternal ,son of ,god1 going forth on that work of omnipotence1 and creating heaven and earth by the breath of his mouth6 ,see the servant whom he delighteth to honour1 fulfilling the counsel of his will1 and in his name speaking the word whereby is raised a new spiritual creation4 ,impowered by him1 he says to the dark1 unformed void of nature1 let there be light3 and there is light4 ,old things are passed away3 behold all things are become new4 ,he is continually employed1 in what the angels of ,god have not the honour to do1 co-operating with the ,redeemer of men1 in bringing many children to glory4 ,such is a true minister of ,christ4 ,and such1 beyond all possibility of dispute1 ought both you and ,i to be4 ,,ii4 ,but are we such8 ,what are we in the respects above named8 ,it is a melancholy1 but necessary consideration4 ,it is true1 many have wrote upon this subject2 and some of them admirably well4 ,yet few1 if any1 at least in our nation1 have carried their enquiry through all these particulars4 ,neither have they always spoken so plain and home1 as the nature of the thing required4 ,but why did they not8 ,was it because they were unwilling to give pain to those whom they loved8 ,or were they hindered by fear of disobliging8 ,or of incurring any temporal inconvenience8 ,miserable fear6 ,is any temporal inconvenience whatever to be laid in the ballance with the souls of our brethren8 ,or were they prevented by shame1 arising from a consciousness of their own many and great defects8 ,undoubtedly this might extenuate the fault1 but not altogether remove it4 ,for is it not a wise advice1 ,be not ashamed when it concerneth thy soul8 ,especially1 when it concerns the souls of thousands also8 ,in such a case may ,god 8,set as a flint our steady face1 8,harden to adamant our brow60 ,but is there not another hindrance8 ,should not compassion1 should not tenderness hinder us from giving pain8 ,yes1 from giving unnecessary pain4 ,but what manner of tenderness is this8 ,it is like that of a surgeon who lets his patient be lost1 because he is too compassionate to probe his wounds4 ,cruel compassion6 ,let me give pain1 so ,i may save life4 ,let me probe1 that ,god may heal4 7#a47 ,are we then such as we are sensible we should be1 #ast1 ,with regard to natural endowments8 ,i am afraid not4 ,if we were1 how many stumbling-blocks would be removed out of the way of serious infidels8 ,alas1 what terrible effects do we continually see of that common1 tho' senseless imagination1 8,the boy1 if he is fit for nothing else1 will do well enough for a parson80 ,hence it is1 that we see 7,i would to ,god there were no such instance in all ,great-,britain1 or ,ireland7 dull1 heavy1 blockish ministers2 men of no life1 no spirit2 no readiness of thought2 who are consequently the jest of every pert fool1 every lively1 airy coxcomb they meet4 ,we see others whose memory can retain nothing3 therefore they can never be men of considerable knowledge4 ,they can never know much even of those things which they are more nearly concerned to know4 ,alas they are pouring the water into a leaky vessel2 and the broken cistern can hold no water4 ,i do not say1 with ,plato1 ,that 8all human knowledge is nothing but remembring40 ,yet certain it is1 that without remembring1 we can have but a small share of knowledge4 ,and even those who enjoy the most retentive memory1 find great reason still to complain1 8,skill comes so slow1 and life so fast does fly2 8,we learn so little1 and forget so much40 ,and yet we see and bewail a still greater defect1 in some that are in the ministry4 ,they want sense2 they are defective in understanding2 their capacity is low and shallow3 their apprehension is muddy and confused3 of consequence they are utterly incapable1 either of forming a true judgment of things1 or of reasoning justly upon any thing4 ,o how can these who themselves know nothing aright1 impart knowledge to others8 ,how instruct them in all the variety of duty1 to ,god1 their neighbour1 and themselves8 ,how will they guide them through all the mazes of error1 through all the intanglements of sin and temptation8 ,how will they apprize them of the devices of ,satan1 and guard them against all the wisdom of the world8 ,it is easy to perceive1 ,i do not speak this for their sake2 7for they are incorrigible7 but for the sake of parents1 that they may open their eyes and see1 ,a blockhead can never 8do well enough for a parson40 ,he may do well enough for a tradesman2 so well as to gain fifty or an hundred thousand pounds4 ,he may do well enough for a soldier2 nay1 7if you pay well for it7 for a very well-drest and well-mounted officer4 ,he may do well enough for a sailor1 and may shine on the quarter-deck of a man of war4 ,he may do so well1 in the capacity of a lawyer or physician1 as to ride in his gilt chariot4 ,but ,o6 think not of his being a minister1 unless you would bring a blot upon your family1 a scandal upon our church1 and a reproach on the gospel1 which he may murder1 but cannot teach4 ,are we such as we are sensible we should be1 #b;dly1 ,with regard to acquired endowments8 ,here the matter 7suppose we have common understanding7 lies more directly within our own power4 ,but under this1 as well as the following heads1 methinks1 ,i would not consider at all1 how many or how few1 are either excellent or defective4 ,i would only desire every person who reads this1 to apply it to himself4 ,certainly some one in the nation is defective4 ,am not ,i the man8 ,let us each seriously examine himself4 ,have ,i #a4 ,such a knowledge of scripture1 as becomes him who undertakes so to explain it to others1 that it may be a light in all their paths8 ,have ,i a full and clear view of the analogy of faith1 which is the clue to guide me through the whole8 ,am ,i acquainted with the several parts of scripture2 with all parts of the ,old ,testament and the ,new8 ,upon the mention of any text1 do ,i know the context1 and the parallel places8 ,have ,i that point at least of a good divine1 the being a good textuary8 ,do ,i know the grammatical construction of the four gospels8 ,of the acts8 ,of the epistles8 ,and am ,i a master of the spiritual sense 7as well as the literal7 of what ,i read8 ,do ,i understand the scope of each book1 and how every part of it tends thereto8 ,have ,i skill to draw the natural inferences deducible from each text8 ,do ,i know the objections raised to them or from them by ,jews1 ,deists1 ,papists1 ,arians1 ,socinians1 and all other sectaries1 who more or less corrupt or cauponize the word of ,god8 ,am ,i ready to give a satisfactory answer to each of these objections8 ,and have ,i learned to apply every part of the sacred writings1 as the various states of my hearers require8 #b4 ,do ,i understand ,greek and ,hebrew8 ,otherwise how can ,i undertake 7as every minister does7 not only to explain books which are written therein1 but to defend them against all opponents8 ,am ,i not at the mercy of every one who does understand1 or even pretends to understand the original8 ,for which way can ,i confute his pretence8 ,do ,i understand the language of the ,old ,testament8 ,critically8 ,at all8 ,can ,i read into ,english one of ,david's psalms8 ,or even the first chapter of ,genesis8 ,do ,i understand the language of the ,new ,testament8 ,am ,i a critical master of it8 ,have ,i enough of it even to read into ,english the first chapter of ,st4 ,luke8 ,if not1 how many years did ,i spend at school8 ,how many at the university8 ,and what was ,i doing all those years8 ,ought not shame to cover my face8 99#c4 ,do ,i understand my own office8 ,have ,i deeply considered before ,god the character which ,i bear8 ,what is it to be an ambassador of ,christ8 ,an envoy from the ,king of heaven8 ,and do ,i know and feel what is implied in watching over the souls of men1 as he that must give account8 ,do ,i understand so much of profane history as tends to confirm and illustrate the sacred8 ,am ,i acquainted with the antient customs of the ,jews and other nations mentioned in scripture8 ,have ,i a competent knowledge of chronology1 that at least which refers to the sacred writings8 ,and am ,i so far 7if no farther7 skilled in geography1 as to know the situation1 and give some account of all the considerable places mentioned therein8 #e4 ,am ,i a tolerable master of the sciences8 ,have ,i gone through the very gate of them1 logic8 ,if not1 ,i am not likely to go much farther1 when ,i stumble at the threshold4 ,do ,i understand it1 so as to be ever the better for it8 ,to have it always ready for use8 ,so as to apply every rule of it1 when occasion is1 almost as naturally as ,i turn my hand8 ,do ,i understand it at all8 ,are not even the moods and figures above my comprehension8 ,do not ,i poorly endeavour to cover my ignorance1 by affecting to laugh at their barbarous names8 ,can ,i even reduce an indirect mood to a direct8 ,an hypothetic to a categorical syllogism8 ,rather1 have not my stupid indolence and laziness1 made me very ready to believe what the little wits and pretty gentlemen affirm1 8,that logic is good for nothing80 ,it is good for this at least 7wherever it is understood7 to make people talk less2 by shewing them both what is1 and what is not to the point2 and how extremely hard it is to prove any thing4 ,do ,i understand metaphysics8 ,if not the depths of the schoolmen1 the subtleties of ,scotus or ,aquinas1 yet the first rudiments1 the general principles of that useful science8 ,have ,i conquered so much of it1 as to clear my apprehension and range my ideas under proper heads8 ,so much as enables me to read with ease and pleasure as well as profit1 ,dr4 ,henry ,more's ,works1 ,malebranche's ,search after ,truth1 and ,dr4 ,clark's ,demonstration of the ,being and ,attributes of ,god8 ,do ,i understand natural philosophy8 ,if ,i have not gone deep therein1 have ,i digested the general grounds of it8 ,have ,i mastered ,gravesande1 ,keil1 ,sir ,isaac ,newton's ,principia1 with his ,theory of ,light and ,colours8 ,in order thereto1 have ,i laid in some stock of mathematical knowledge8 ,am ,i master of the mathematical ,a ,b ,c1 of ,euclid's ,elements8 ,if ,i have not gone thus far1 if ,i am such a novice still1 what have ,i been about ever since ,i came from school8 #f4 ,am ,i acquainted with the fathers8 ,at least with those venerable men1 who lived in the earliest ages of the church8 ,have ,i read over and over the golden remains of ,clemens ,romanus1 of ,ignatius and ,polycarp8 ,and have ,i given one reading1 at least1 to the works of ,justin ,martyr1 ,tertullian1 ,origen1 ,clemens ,alexandrinus and ,cyprian8 #g4 ,have ,i any knowledge of the world8 ,have ,i studied men 7as well as books7 and observed their tempers1 maxims and manners8 ,have ,i learned1 to beware of men8 ,to add the wisdom of the serpent to the innocence of the dove8 ,has ,god given me by nature1 or have ,i acquired1 any measure of the discernment of spirits8 ,or of its near ally1 prudence1 enabling me on all occasions to consider all circumstances1 and to suit and vary my behaviour according to the various combinations of them8 ,do ,i labour never to be rude or ill-mannered8 ,not to be remarkably wanting in good-breeding8 ,do ,i endeavour to copy after those who are eminent for address and easiness of behaviour8 ,am ,i 7tho' never light or trifling1 either in word or action1 yet7 affable and courteous to all men8 ,and do ,i omit no means which is in my power1 and consistent with my character1 of pleasing all men with whom ,i converse1 for their good1 to edification8 ,if ,i am wanting even in these lowest endowments1 shall ,i not frequently regret the want8 ,how often shall ,i move heavily1 and be far less useful than ,i might have been8 ,how much more shall ,i suffer in my usefulness1 if ,i have wasted the opportunities ,i once had of acquainting myself with the great lights of antiquity1 the ,antenicene fathers8 ,or if ,i have droned away those precious hours1 wherein ,i might have made myself master of the sciences8 ,how poorly must ,i many times drag on1 for want of the helps which ,i have vilely cast away8 ,but is not my case still worse1 if ,i have loitered away the time wherein ,i should have perfected myself in ,greek and ,hebrew8 ,i might before this have been critically acquainted with the treasuries of sacred knowledge4 ,but they are now hid from my eyes2 they are close locked up1 and ,i have no key to open them4 ,however1 have ,i used all possible diligence to supply that grievous defect1 7so far as it can be supplied now7 by the most accurate knowledge of the ,english scriptures8 ,do ,i meditate therein day and night8 ,do ,i think 7and consequently speak7 thereof1 when ,i sit in the house1 and when ,i walk by the way2 when ,i lie down1 and when ,i rise up8 ,by this means have ,i at length attained a thorough knowledge as of the sacred text1 so of its literal and spiritual meaning8 ,otherwise how can ,i attempt to instruct others therein8 ,without this1 ,i am a blind guide indeed6 ,i am absolutely incapable of teaching my flock1 what ,i have never learned myself3 no more fit to lead souls to ,god1 than ,i am to govern the world4 7#b47 ,and yet there is a higher consideration than that of gifts2 higher than any or all of these joined together2 a consideration in view of which all external and all intellectual endowments vanish into nothing4 ,am ,i such as ,i ought to be1 with regard to the grace of ,god8 ,the ,lord ,god enable me to judge aright of this6 ,and #a4 ,what was my intention in taking upon me this office and ministry8 ,what was it1 in taking charge of this parish1 either as minister or curate8 ,was it always1 and is it now1 wholly and solely1 to glorify ,god1 and save souls8 ,has my eye been singly fixed on this1 from the beginning hitherto8 ,had ,i never1 have ,i not now1 any mixture in my intention2 any alloy of baser metal8 ,had ,i1 or have ,i no thought of worldly gain8 ,filthy lucre1 as the apostle terms it4 ,had ,i at first1 have ,i now1 no secular view8 ,no eye to honour or preferment8 ,to a plentiful income8 ,or1 at least1 a competency8 ,a warm and comfortable livelihood8 99,alas1 my brother6 ,if the light that is in thee be darkness1 how great is that darkness8 ,was a comfortable livelihood then your motive for entering into the ministry8 ,and do you avow this in the face of the sun1 and without one blush upon your cheek8 ,i cannot compare you with ,simon ,magus3 you are many degrees beneath him4 ,he offered to give money for the gift of ,god1 the power of conferring the ,holy ,ghost4 ,hereby however he shewed1 that he set an higher value on the gift than on the money which he would have parted with for it4 ,but you do not3 you set a far higher value on the money than on the gift2 insomuch that you do not desire1 you will not accept of the gift1 unless the money accompany it6 ,the bishop said1 when you was ordained1 8,receive thou the ,holy ,ghost40 ,but that was the least of your care4 ,let who will receive this1 so you receive the money1 the revenue of a good benefice4 ,while you minister the word and sacraments before ,god1 he gives the ,holy ,ghost to those who duly receive them3 so that through your hands likewise the ,holy ,ghost is in this sense given now4 ,but you have little concern whether he be or not3 so little1 that you will minister no longer1 he shall be given no more either through your lips or hands1 if you have no more money for your labour4 ,o ,simon1 ,simon6 what a saint wert thou1 compared to many of the most honourable men now in ,christendom8 ,let not any either ignorantly or wilfully mistake me4 ,i would not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn4 ,i know the spiritual labourer too is worthy of his reward2 and that if we sow unto our flock spiritual things1 it is meet that we reap of their carnal things4 ,i do not therefore blame1 no1 not in any degree1 a minister's taking a yearly salary3 but ,i blame his seeking it4 ,the thing blameable is1 the having it in his view1 as the motive1 or any part of the motive1 for entering into this sacred office4 ,hic nigr succus loliginis1 hc est rugo mera4 ,if preferment1 or honour1 or profit was in his eye1 his eye was not single4 ,and our ,lord knew no medium between a single and an evil eye4 ,the eye therefore which is not single is evil4 ,it is a plain1 adjudged case4 ,he then that has any other design in undertaking or executing the office of a minister1 than purely this1 to glorify ,god and save souls1 his eye is not single4 ,of consequence1 it is evil2 and therefore his whole body must be full of darkness4 ,the light which is in him is very darkness3 darkness covers his whole soul3 he has no solid peace3 he has no blessing from ,god3 ,and there is no fruit of his labours4 ,it is no wonder1 that they who see no harm in this1 see no harm in adding one living to another1 and1 if they can1 another to that2 yet still wiping their mouth1 and saying1 they have done no evil4 ,in the very first step1 their eye was not single3 therefore their mind was filled with darkness4 ,so they stumble on still in the same mire1 till their feet stumble on the dark mountains4 99,it is pleaded indeed1 ,that 8a small living will not maintain a large family40 ,maintain8 ,how8 ,it will not cloath them in purple and fine linen2 nor enable them to fare sumptuously every day4 ,but will not the living you have now1 afford you and yours the plain necessaries1 yea and conveniencies of life8 ,will it not maintain you in the frugal1 ,christian simplicity1 which becomes a minister of ,christ8 ,it will not maintain you in pomp and grandeur1 in elegant luxury1 in fashionable sensuality4 ,so much the better4 ,if your eyes were open1 whatever your income was1 you would flee from these as from hell-fire4 ,it has been pleaded1 secondly1 8by having a larger income1 ,i am able to do more good40 ,but dare you aver1 in the presence of ,god1 that it was singly with this view1 only for this end1 that you sought a larger income8 ,if not1 you are still condemned before ,god2 your eye was not single4 ,do not therefore quibble and evade4 ,this was not your motive of acting4 ,it was not the desire of doing more good1 whether to the souls or bodies of men1 it was not the love of ,god2 7you know it was not1 your own conscience is as a thousand witnesses7 but it was the love of money1 and the desire of other things1 which animated you in this pursuit4 ,if then the word of ,god is true1 you are in darkness still3 ,it fills and covers your soul4 ,i might add1 a larger income does not necessarily imply a capacity of doing more spiritual good4 ,and this is the highest kind of good4 ,it is good to feed the hungry1 to cloath the naked3 ,but it is a far nobler good1 to save souls from death1 to pluck poor brands out of the burning4 ,and it is that to which you are peculiarly called1 and to which you have solemnly promised to 8bend all your studies and endeavours40 ,but you are by no means sure1 that by adding a second living to your first1 you shall be more capable of doing good in this kind1 than you would have been1 had you laid out all your time1 and all your strength1 on your first flock4 8,however ,i shall be able to do more temporal good40 ,you are not sure even of this4 ,if riches encrease1 they are increased that eat them4 ,perhaps your expences may rise proportionably with your income4 ,but if not1 if you have a greater ability1 shall you have a greater willingness to do good8 ,you have no reason in the world to believe this4 ,there are a thousand instances of the contrary4 ,how many have less will1 when they have more power8 ,now they have more money1 they love it more4 ,when they had little1 they did their diligence gladly to give of that little3 but since they have had much1 they are so far from giving plenteously1 that they can hardly afford to give at all4 8,but by my having another living1 ,i maintain a valuable man1 who might otherwise want the necessaries of life40 ,i answer1 #a4 ,was this your whole and sole motive1 in seeking that other living8 ,if not1 this plea will not clear you from the charge3 your eye was not single4 #b4 ,if it was you may put it beyond dispute4 ,you may prove at once the purity of your intention4 ,make that valuable man rector of one of your parishes1 and you are clear before ,god and man4 ,but what can be pleaded for those who have two or more flocks1 and take care of none of them8 ,who just look at them now and then for a few days1 and then remove to a convenient distance1 and say1 soul1 thou hast much goods laid up for many years2 take thine ease2 eat1 drink1 and be merry8 99,some years ago ,i was asking a plain man1 8,ought not he who feeds the flock1 to eat of the milk of the flock80 ,he answered1 8,friend1 ,i have no objection to that4 ,but what is that to him who does not feed the flock8 ,he stands on the far side of the hedge1 and feeds himself4 ,it is another who feeds the flock4 ,and ought he to have the milk of the flock8 ,what canst thou say for him8 ,truly1 nothing at all4 ,and he will have nothing to say for himself1 when the great ,shepherd shall pronounce that just sentence1 bind the unprofitable servant hand and foot1 and cast him into outer darkness40 ,i have dwelt the longer on this head1 because a right intention is the first point of all1 and the most necessary of all2 inasmuch as the want of this cannot be supplied by any thing else whatsoever4 ,it is the setting out wrong2 a fault never to be amended1 unless you return to the place whence you came1 and set out right4 ,it is impossible therefore to lay too great stress upon a single eye1 a pure intention2 without which1 all our sacrifice1 our prayers1 sermons and sacraments are an abomination to the ,lord4 ,i cannot dismiss this important article1 without touching upon one thing more4 ,how many are directly concerned therein1 ,i leave to the searcher of hearts4 ,you have been settled in a living or a curacy for some time4 ,you are now going to exchange it for another4 ,why do you do this8 ,for what reason do you prefer this before your former living or curacy8 8,why1 ,i had but fifty pounds a year where ,i was before1 and now ,i shall have an hundred40 ,and is this your real motive of acting8 ,the true reason why you make the exchange8 8,it is3 ,and is it not a sufficient reason80 ,yes1 for a ,heathen2 but not for one who calls himself a ,christian4 99,perhaps a more gross infatuation than this1 was never yet known upon earth4 ,there goes one1 who is commissioned to be an ambassador of ,christ1 a shepherd of never-dying souls1 a watchman over the ,israel of ,god1 a steward of the mysteries which angels desire to look into4 ,where is he going8 8,to ,london1 to ,bristol1 to ,northampton40 ,why does he go thither8 8,to get more money40 ,a tolerable reason for driving an herd of bullocks to one market rather than the other2 though if a drover does this1 without any farther view1 he acts as an ,heathen1 not a ,christian4 ,but what a reason for leaving the immortal souls1 over whom the ,holy ,ghost had made you overseer6 ,and yet this is the motive which not only influences in secret1 but is acknowledged openly and without a blush6 ,nay1 it is executed1 justified1 defended2 and that not by a few1 here and there1 who are apparently void both of piety and shame2 but by numbers of seemingly religious men1 from one end of ,england to the other6 #b4 ,am ,i1 secondly1 such as ,i ought to be1 with regard to my affections8 ,i am taken from among1 and ordained for men1 in things pertaining to ,god4 ,i stand between ,god and man1 by the authority of the great ,mediator1 in the nearest and most endearing relation both to my ,creator and my fellow-creatures4 ,have ,i accordingly given my heart to ,god1 and to my brethren for his sake8 ,do ,i love ,god with all my soul and strength8 ,and my neighbour1 every man as myself8 ,does this love swallow me up8 ,possess me whole8 ,constitute my supreme happiness8 ,does it animate all my passions and tempers1 and regulate all my powers and faculties8 ,is it the spring which gives rise to all my thoughts1 and governs all my words and actions8 ,if it does1 not unto me1 but unto ,god be the praise4 ,if it does not1 ,god be merciful to me a sinner6 ,at least1 do ,i feel such a concern for the glory of ,god1 and such a thirst after the salvation of men1 that ,i am ready to do any thing1 however contrary to my natural inclination1 to part with any thing1 however agreeable to me1 to suffer any thing1 however grievous to flesh and blood1 so ,i may save one soul from hell8 ,is this my ruling temper at all times and in all places8 ,does it make all my labour light8 ,if not what a weariness is it8 ,what a drudgery8 ,had ,i not far better hold the plough8 ,but is it possible this should be my ruling temper1 if ,i still love the world8 ,no certainly1 ,if ,i love the world1 the love of the ,father is not in me4 ,the love of ,god is not in me1 if ,i love pleasure so called1 or diversion4 ,neither is it in me1 if ,i am a lover of honour or praise1 or of dress1 or of good eating and drinking4 ,nay1 even indolence1 or the love of ease1 is inconsistent with the love of ,god4 ,what a creature then is a coveteous1 an ambitious1 a luxurious1 an indolent1 a diversion-loving clergyman8 ,is it any wonder that infidelity should encrease1 where any of these are to be found8 ,that many1 comparing their spirit with their profession1 should blaspheme that worthy name whereby they are called8 ,but woe be unto him by whom the offence cometh6 ,it were good for that man if he had never been born4 ,it were good for him now1 rather than he should continue to turn the lame out of the way1 that a mill-stone were hanged about his neck1 and he were cast into the depth of the sea6 #c4 ,may not you1 who are of a better spirit consider1 thirdly1 am ,i such as ,i ought to be1 with regard to my practice8 ,am ,i in my private life1 wholly devoted to ,god8 ,am ,i intent upon this one thing1 to do in every point not my own will1 but the will of him that sent me8 ,do ,i carefully and resolutely abstain from every evil word and work8 ,from all appearance of evil8 ,from all indifferent things1 which might lay a stumbling block in the way of the weak8 ,am ,i zealous of good works8 ,as ,i have time1 do ,i do good to all men8 ,and that in every kind1 and in as high a degree as ,i am capable8 ,how do ,i behave in the public work whereunto ,i am called8 ,in my pastoral character8 ,am ,i a pattern to my flock1 in word1 in behaviour1 in love1 in spirit1 in faith and purity8 ,is my word1 my daily conversation1 always in grace1 always meet to minister grace to the hearers8 ,is my behaviour suitable to the dignity of my calling8 ,do ,i walk as ,christ also walked8 ,does the love of ,god and man not only fill my heart but shine through my whole conversation8 ,is the spirit1 the temper which appears in all my words and actions1 such as allows me to say with humble boldness1 herein ye be followers of me1 as ,i am of ,christ8 ,do all who have spiritual discernment take knowledge1 7judging of the tree by its fruits7 that the life which ,i now live1 ,i live by faith in the ,son of ,god2 and that in all simplicity and godly sincerity ,i have my conversation in the world8 ,am ,i exemplarily pure from all worldly desire8 ,from all vile and vain affections8 ,is my life one continued labour of love8 ,one tract of praising ,god and helping man8 ,do ,i in every thing see him who is invisible8 ,and beholding with open face the glory of the ,lord1 am ,i changed into the same image from glory to glory1 by the spirit of the ,lord8 ,brethren1 is not this our calling1 even as we are ,christians8 ,but more eminently as we are ministers of ,christ8 ,and why 7,i will not say1 do we fall short1 but why7 are we satisfied with falling so short of it8 ,is there any necessity laid upon us1 of sinking so infinitely below our calling8 ,who hath required this at our hands8 ,certainly not he by whose authority we minister4 ,is not his will the same with regard to us1 as with regard to his first ambassadors8 ,is not his love1 and is not his power still the same1 as they were in the antient days8 ,know we not1 that ,jesus ,christ is the same yesterday1 to-day1 and for ever6 ,why then may not you be as burning and as shining lights1 as those that shone seventeen hundred years ago8 ,do you desire to partake of the same burning love1 of the same shining holiness8 ,surely you do4 ,you cannot but be sensible1 it is the greatest blessing which can be bestowed on any child of man4 ,do you design it8 ,aim at it8 ,press on to this mark of the prize of the high calling of ,god in ,christ ,jesus8 ,do you constantly and earnestly pray for it2 ,then as the ,lord liveth1 ye shall attain4 ,only let us pray on1 and tarry at ,jerusalem1 'till we be endued with power from on high4 ,let us continue in all the ordinances of ,god1 particularly in meditating on his word1 in denying ourselves1 and taking up our cross daily1 and as we have time doing good to all men3 and then assuredly the great shepherd of us and our flocks1 will make us perfect in every good work1 to do his will1 and work in us all that is well pleasing in his sight6 ,this is the desire and prayer of ,your ,brother and ,servant in our common ,,lord1 ,,john ,,wesley4 ,,london1 ,february #f1 #agef4 ,a short ,,account ,,of ,,the ,,death ,,of ,,thomas ,,hitchens4 ,bisveal1 near ,redruth1 ,cornwall4 #a4 ,,my son1 ,thomas ,hitchens1 was born ,april #ad1 #agbc4 ,he went to school till he was about ten years old4 ,from school he went to work at the stamps in dressing of tin oar1 in which employment he continued about six years4 ,afterwards he wrought in the tin works underground1 till about a year before his death4 ,then he went to dress tin-leavings for me1 having five or six boys under him4 ,at the same time he plowed1 sowed1 mowed1 reaped1 and managed all my husbandry2 understanding every thing both as to the tin and the land2 so that we had scarce one in the neighbourhood like him4 #b4 ,he was from a child of a very sober and a very sweet behaviour1 and remarkably dutiful to his parents4 ,but about nineteen he began to go revellings and hurlings1 and sometimes to be merry with his companions4 ,of this ,i now and then told him1 but not sharply2 for ,i counted both him and his brother mighty good young men3 and was not a little proud1 when people told me1 8,i had two likely sons1 and as stout men as any in the parish40 ,i thought it best therefore to let him have his liberty3 especially as ,i then saw no great harm in these things4 #c4 ,but he had done with these1 from the hour he first heard the gospel of the grace of ,god4 ,he then chose to suffer affliction with the people of ,god1 rather than to enjoy all the pleasures of sin4 ,he had no fear1 in the hottest of the persecution4 ,while the mob were pulling down the house in which we used to meet1 he stood at a small distance1 all the time1 being nothing terrified2 encouraged his brother and said1 8,god will deliver us2 only let us trust in him40 ,nor was he at all moved1 when the showers of stones obliged us to stop up all our windows with whole deals4 ,one night we heard a great tumult and noise as of much people and many cries4 ,and it was told us1 they were at the house of one of our brethren1 who lived about a quarter of a mile off3 ,thomas did not take time to go the road way1 7tho' it was exceeding dark27 but ran directly through the grounds and over the hedges1 'till he came to the house4 ,the mob1 hearing the sound of feet1 ran away1 not one being left behind4 ,so1 said ,thomas1 the scripture is fulfilled4 ,one of you shall chase a thousand4 ,as he came into the house1 the family too were preparing to run out of it4 ,but he soon convinced them1 they had no cause to fear1 and they mightily rejoiced together1 and praised ,god who had delivered them out of the hands of unreasonable and cruel men4 ,all the windows and doors were dashed in pieces2 but none of the family hurt at all1 notwithstanding the vast quantities of stones1 which had fallen on all sides of them4 ,one very large stone they found in the cradle1 close by a little child4 ,but the child was not hurt4 ,so that in all things they saw the hand of ,god was over them for good4 #d4 ,about eighteen months ago1 while his brother ,william and he were working in the pit with another man1 the earth calved in upon the man1 who cried out for help1 and ,thomas ran toward the place where he was4 ,in running his light went out3 but he found the man by his voice1 tho' not till he was almost covered in4 ,before he had cleared him1 the earth calved in again1 and he was very near covered in himself4 ,and but that it stopt1 they knew not how1 in one minute more they must both have perished together4 ,william hearing the noise1 made up to the place1 and in some time relieved them both4 ,of this ,thomas often made mention1 praising ,god for his wonderful deliverance4 #e4 ,some account of the manner wherein he found peace with ,god1 7two or three months after his brother7 ,i lately found in his pocket-book4 ,the substance of it was this3 8,in reading the three first chapters of ,st4 ,john1 while ,i was in much trouble and heaviness of soul1 the ,lord gave me great comfort2 especially from these words1 ,to as many as believe in his name1 to them gave he power to become the sons of ,god4 ,but soon after ,i was stript of all1 as though ,god had left me1 a final cast-away4 ,nevertheless ,i went into my closet1 and with a heavy heart said1 ,lord1 ,i praise thee1 that thou hast not given me over unto death4 ,but how shall ,i appear before thee8 ,while ,i spoke1 the ,lord answered1 and applied these words1 ,i am thy righteousness2 which burst the cords that before kept my spirit down40 #f4 ,he often complained1 that when he found great joy1 he was in the greatest danger both of pride and lightness3 and therefore said1 he had much rather1 if it were the will of ,god1 be always in a mourning state4 ,he likewise found great temptation to pride when he was most blessed in speaking to the people4 ,and this was the main reason of his not stirring up the gift of ,god which was in him4 #g4 ,he frequently repeated those words of ,st4 ,paul1 ,it is good for a man not to touch a woman2 and those of ,job1 ,i have made a covenant with my eyes2 why then should ,i think upon a maid6 ,he was very jealous over himself when he was in company with those of a different sex4 ,and if no man besides himself was there1 he generally quitted the company as soon as he could4 #h4 ,in the latter part of his life he was much grown in grace and in the knowledge of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,he sometimes saw1 as he said1 anger and pride in himself2 but they had no power3 neither had the love or desire of any creature2 they were all in subjection under his feet4 ,he was more and more dead to all earthly things1 and filled with the fire of ,god's love4 ,the work of ,god had a deeper root in his heart and he was more settled and established in the grace of ,god4 #i4 ,after his brother's death1 he declared he could not rest through the earnestness of his desire to follow him4 ,however in the mean time he put in practice what ,samuel spoke of1 namely meeting all the family once a week4 ,he reproved me and his mother in several things2 but we could not reprove him in any4 ,i could not convince him or ,samuel of sin1 for two years or more4 #aj4 ,on ,wednesday1 ,september #aj1 in the evening he found himself out of order2 he went to bed something earlier than usual1 and soon appeared to be in a high fever4 ,but his confidence in ,god was still the same1 and all his words1 both that night and the next day1 convinced all who came near him1 that the peace of ,god continually ruled his heart4 #aa4 ,on ,thursday evening1 between nine and ten1 his sister sitting by him said1 8,lord1 shall ,i call1 and wilt thou not answer8 ,no2 it cannot be4 ,thou hast promised every one that asks in faith shall receive40 ,then he began praying for his father and mother2 for his brothers and sisters1 and in particular for her that sat by him4 8,o my ,god marry her to thyself1 make her all glorious within4 ,give her an undivided heart40 ,he then prayed for himself4 8,now come ,o my ,god1 and sanctify me wholly4 ,press me closer to thyself4 ,thou knowest1 this is all my desire4 ,give me power to declare thy wonderous works before ,i go hence4 ,o death where is thy sting8 ,o grave where is thy victory80 #ab4 ,as ,mary ,busvine came to the bedside he looked on her and said1 8,now ,i am free4 ,now my heart is at liberty4 ,i will praise my ,god as long as ,i have breath40 ,after speaking much to the same effect1 he laid still a small time1 and then broke out into exceeding loud1 vehement prayer1 his voice being quite altered and every sentence pronounced with uncommon emphasis4 ,he prayed first for all estates and conditions of men2 that the church of ,christ might spread over all the nations1 that ten thousand times ten thousand might be converted to ,god1 and all the people of the earth praise him4 ,then he prayed for all ministers of the gospel1 from the greatest even to the least2 especially for those whom ,god had lately employed to seek and save those that were lost in ,cornwall4 ,afterwards he prayed for ,john ,trembath that he might live to the glory of ,god1 who had brought him back from the gates of death1 and might be a means of saving many souls from the bitter pains of eternal death4 ,he then prayed for the society3 8,o ,lord unite them as the heart of one man4 ,o ,lord1 give them eyes to see whereinsoever they have departed from thee4 ,o take from them the spirit of unthankfulness1 and suffer them not to bite or devour one another4 ,heal thou their backslidings and spread over them the banner of thy love60 8pronunced0 replaced with 8pronounced0 #ac4 ,with prayer there was continual praise intermixed4 ,sometimes he was blessing ,god for what he had done2 then praying1 8,o my ,god finish thy work and take me into thy kingdom4 ,is this the day1 ,o my ,god that ,i shall kiss my brother in paradise8,o ,lord the angels have already praised thee at my conversion4 ,is this the day that ,i shall praise thee with them8 ,yes1 ,o my ,god1 ,i am now going to join them1 to sing praises to thee for ever40 ,then he prayed with great earnestness for ,mary ,busvine1 and his own sister 7both of whom he had in the beginning of the evening desired1 to stay with him till he was in eternity7 that they might never grow weary or faint in their minds1 that ,god would send down the spirit of sanctification into their hearts1 and give them resigned wills to bear whatever his providence should lay upon them3 adding1 they shall run and not be weary4 ,i know we shall all meet together1 and sing praises unto him that sitteth on the throne1 and to the ,lamb1 for ever and ever40 8,bisvine0 replaced with 8,busvine0 for consistency ,he went on1 8,o how good is ,god to me1 that he hath given me a tongue to praise him6 ,a little while1 yet a little while1 and ,i shall praise him in heaven6 ,o the goodness of ,god1 that ,i a worm of the earth1 shall stand there1 upon mount ,sion1 with the hundred and forty and four thousand which have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the ,lamb6 ,here is a privilege2 here is a wonder3 that ,i am made a son of ,god and a joint-heir with ,christ1 and ,i shall soon be where ,i shall behold him for ever6 ,i1 even ,i1 who have been a backslider from ,god6 ,but he has healed my backslidings and loved me freely40 #ad4 ,soon after he said1 8,i love thee1 ,o my ,god1 ,thou knowest that ,i love thee1 because thou hast first loved me4 ,o what manner of love is this1 that ,god should stoop to love me6 ,and he is coming to carry me home4 ,o6 ,i see thousands and ten thousands of angels6 ,do you not see them8 ,o brother ,trembath1 do you not see what a glorious place ,i am going to2 ,i am going to join with angels and arch-angels1 and with all the company of heaven4 ,i am going to reign with ,god1 among ten thousands of his saints and to bask in the beams of his love for ever40 ,then looking on ,mary ,busvine1 he said1 8,can't you see ,jesus ,christ coming1 with an innumerable company of angels1 and the golden banner display'd6 ,they are coming to carry me to the bosom of my ,god4 ,open their eyes1 ,o ,god1 that they may see them4 ,o what a good ,god have ,i served6 ,i am sanctified1 soul1 body1 and spirit4 ,i am whiter than snow4 ,i am washed in the blood of my ,redeemer4 ,why1 ,i am all ,god4 ,my heart is full of ,god6 ,o let them who hear me now1 praise thee for ever and ever60 8,and yet ,i have been unfaithful to my ,god4 ,for he gave me a gift1 but ,i improved it not4 ,i thought ,i was not worthy to stand in the highway and call sinners to repentance4 ,but1 ,o ,god1 thou hast forgiven me this also1 and ,i will preach thee now as long as ,i have breath40 #ae4 ,he ceased not thus praying and praising for an hour4 ,his parents then coming in 7early on ,friday morning7 he said1 8,o my mother1 you will not weep to see me going to such a loving ,god4 ,my father and mother will not be backsliders4 ,no2 ,i know that ,god loves them1 and that we shall all meet together in heaven1 to praise him to all eternity40 ,then looking on his brother1 about twelve years old1 he said1 8,stand off1 for fear you catch the distemper3 for ,i fear you are not prepared to die1 you have played away the grace of ,god4 ,the harvest may come1 before you are renewed in the image of ,god1 and then how will you appear8 ,cry mightily to ,god4 ,strive with all your might4 ,call upon him1 and ,god will hear40 ,he then said1 8,right my feet1 that ,i may lie strait to resign my breath4 ,when ,i am dead1 do you sing me all the way1 sing my body to the grave1 lay me by my brother1 and at the same time my spirit shall be joined to his1 and to ten thousand times ten thousand of angels and spirits1 singing praises to ,god and the ,lamb for ever40 #af4 ,having spoken till he had no breath left1 he paused2 and in a short time1 began again1 8,hear now the words of a dying man1 a living wonder1 a ,christian triumphing over death6 ,o what a ,god do the ,christians serve6 ,what a ,god ,i have served6 ,praise him with me for ever4 ,behold the immense goodness of our ,god4 ,o that all the world knew our ,god6 ,he has now made my heart free that ,i may praise him1 and ,i cannot stop while ,i have breath4 ,go1 tell all the world of this4 ,o brethren6 ,what a good ,god do we serve6 ,be not afraid to tell it abroad6 ,go1 shew it to all people1 that they may come and serve him too40 ,when he stopt speaking1 the oppression on his breast returned4 ,this he took notice of and said1 8,while ,i am praising ,god1 my heart is free3 but when ,i cease1 ,i feel this load again4 ,but ,i may well bear this2 for this is all the hell ,i shall have40 ,then he broke out1 8,see a soul escape to bliss1 ,keep the ,christian festival40 8,he hath washed me and ,i am whiter than snow4 ,god is mine1 and ,i am ,god's4 ,i shall soon be with him40 ,thus he continued1 till he could speak no more4 ,a short ,,account of the ,death of ,,samuel ,,hitchens4 ,bisveal1 near ,redruth1 ,cornwall4 #a4 ,,my son1 ,samuel ,hitchens1 was born on the #bc;d of ,march #agbe4 ,he was brought up to read and write4 ,but he had almost forgot that1 and every thing which is good1 until ,god sent his ministers into these parts also1 to call sinners to repentance4 ,he was soon very deeply convinced of sin3 particularly1 in the beginning of ,january1 #agdd1 while ,mr4 ,reeves was praying in my house4 ,in the middle of our prayer1 he fell to the ground1 and cried so hard1 that it greatly surprized us all4 ,we were met1 to take our leave of ,mr4 ,reeves and ,john ,daniel1 who were going to ,bristol4 ,mr4 ,reeves raised him up1 and strove to comfort him4 ,but he still cried out1 8,he was a lost1 undone sinner40 ,in the morning they set out before it was day4 ,samuel would needs go with them4 ,he had not rode six miles1 before ,god spoke peace to his soul4 ,he rode about ten miles further1 and then returned home rejoicing4 #b4 ,but it was not long before his faith was tried4 ,the devil first strove to reason him out of it4 ,but he could not prevail4 ,then he stirred up the world against him4 ,they came in multitudes1 threatening to kill us all1 and broke down the door and all the windows of the house1 where we used to meet4 ,after we had repaired these1 they came and tore down the house itself1 swearing they would also tear down the house also where we lived4 ,and we were forced to stop up the chamber windows as well as we could1 or we should have been stoned as we lay in our beds4 #c4 ,when this did not move him1 they got a warrant1 and came to press him for a soldier1 much about the time that they had pressed the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,graves at ,st4 ,just1 and carried him on board the man of war4 ,and several of our neighbours who were quiet1 industrious men1 they did press1 by virtue of that warrant1 and carried them away from their work1 and wives and families4 ,but ,god suffered them not to touch him1 though he was daily in his shop2 and going up and down about his business4 #d4 ,but he was not so well aware of another snare which was laid for him3 for soon after1 having some thoughts of marriage1 he gave way by little and little1 till he found his heart was quite drawn away from ,god4 ,hereby he was quickly plunged into utter darkness of soul1 and fell under stronger convictions than at first4 ,he often told his brother1 8he was in hell40 ,he wandered about in the fields by night1 seeking rest1 but finding none2 and often threw himself on the earth1 and beat his head against the ground4 ,and once when his brother and several others were present1 he cast himself on the ground1 roaring aloud for the disquietness of his heart1 and beat and cut himself in several places4 #e4 ,he was quite delivered in a moment1 in ,december last1 and the ,lord was with him as at the first4 ,but after this deliverance1 he began more sensibly to feel his want of inward holiness4 ,he had always walked very circumspectly1 having a tender conscience1 even in the smallest things1 avoiding all light discourse1 and finding constant power over anger1 his bosom-sin4 ,but this did not make him shut his eyes against the light1 which shewed him the corruptions of his heart3 ,and this knowledge1 in particular1 he was willing to learn1 even from the meanest instrument4 ,nor did it cost any one much trouble to teach him2 for he was indeed a man that feared always3 being so jealous of his own heart and conduct1 that half a sentence1 sometimes a single word1 or even a look1 would shew him what was amiss4 ,and reproof1 instead of falling short1 would frequently strike much deeper than was intended4 #f4 ,he was very zealous for the ,lord1 and had great opportunities of shewing it in his daily business4 ,for abundance of tinners came to his shop 7he being a smith by trade7 both at morning and mid-day and in the evening1 to have their tools repaired4 ,these he continually exhorted and reproved1 with great boldness and plainness of speech3 and yet so meekly1 that few of them went away angry1 and the greater part were quite in love with him4 #g4 ,his common hours of sleep1 were between eleven and five4 ,he was very diligent in his labour4 ,yet he could not refrain from breaking it off now and then1 to go up into a little room1 which he had purposely built just over his shop1 and pour out his soul before ,god4 ,but he soon made up the time he had thus employed1 so that no necessary business was neglected4 8just built0 replaced with 8built just0 per ,errata #h4 ,he had frequent and sore conflicts with the enemy of souls1 who was permitted to sift him with divers temptations4 ,one of the most dreadful was1 doubting the being of a ,god2 but out of this also the ,lord delivered him4 #i4 ,his love of souls cannot easily be described1 especially those that were more immediately under his care4 ,if any thing was amiss in his class or band1 he often felt the weight1 before he discovered the reason of it3 and would lay it home to them with the greatest earnestness1 till he had found out the accursed thing4 ,but his love was by no means confined to these4 ,he would lament over sinners of every kind1 those especially who would not hear the call of ,god1 with inexpressible grief and tenderness4 ,the prophet ,jeremiah was in this his particular favourite4 ,he used to tell much concerning1 8,the weeping prophet30 ,and was often saying to himself1 ,o that my head were waters1 and mine eyes a fountain of tears6 ,if ye will not hear1 my soul shall weep for you in secret places4 #aj4 ,by this eager love of souls1 he was even constrained at the time we had no preacher among us1 himself to exhort1 first our own1 and then other societies1 to continue in the grace of ,god4 ,but he had many sharp trials concerning this1 fearing he should run before he was sent3 till one day in ,may last1 being in deep distress1 he went up into his room1 threw himself down before ,god1 and ceased not to wrestle with him in prayer1 till all his doubts fled away1 and he was fully convinced what was the will of ,god concerning him4 #aa4 ,he often complained1 that the world was a burthen to him1 and he wanted to be wholly sequestered from it4 ,but ,god convinced him at length1 this was not right4 8,i now1 said he1 see plainly1 there is such a thing as going through any business1 and taking all prudent care1 yet so as it shall only pass through our hands1 without either troubling or intangling our hearts40 #ab4 ,for some time he was under another mistake4 ,he was even to an extreme1 negligent of his apparel1 thinking it was below the character of a ,christian1 to have any1 the least concern about it4 ,but afterwards he was clearly convinced1 that in this also he had gone too far1 and that a ,christian ought even by his outward neatness1 to shew forth the purity of his mind4 #ac4 ,the last great temptation into which he fell1 was that of denying to the body even what was necessary for its support4 ,though he worked hard at his own business1 and spent his strength very much1 in all the intervals of his work1 in going up and down and exhorting the societies1 he could not be prevailed on to take any cordial1 or any thing for the preserving of his lungs4 ,for a considerable time before he was sick1 he wholly abstained from flesh4 ,and even other victuals he took at his father's table1 as if he was stealing it2 and it seemed by his manner1 as if he seldom or never eat so as to satisfy nature4 ,the error of this was not shewed him1 till a day or two before he was taken ill3 when he was fully convinced1 that seeing the body as well as the soul is committed to our charge1 we ought with prudence and moderation to use all proper means1 for preserving the one as well as the other4 #ad4 ,this temptation1 ,i believe1 began and ended1 while he walked in the broad light of ,god's countenance3 which he enjoyed with little intermission for two or three months before his last sickness4 ,indeed it increased very much toward the period of his life3 ,he saw the corruptions that remained in his heart4 ,but though they were not destroyed1 yet they were fast bound1 so that they could not hurt him4 ,the only shadow of doubt which he had was this3 ,whether the peace he had was not too great1 while sin remained8 ,but this was but a few moments at a time4 ,and 8e'er he was aware 7he said7 his soul flew back and center'd in ,god40 #ae4 ,on ,wednesday1 ,august #ac4 ,john ,trembath1 being ill of a malignant fever1 and as it was believed both by himself and others1 ready to depart1 desired to take his leave of the family4 ,samuel stooped down to kiss him1 and was immediately sensible he had caught the distemper4 ,however he met the society in the evening1 and was unusually vehement in prayer4 ,thursday1 the #adth1 he continued working at his trade1 till about four in the afternoon4 ,being then obliged to leave off1 he came in to his parents1 and said1 he was not well4 ,he talked of sickness and death with as much ease as of going to sleep1 and mostly with a smiling countenance4 ,towards evening he took his bed3 ,as he lay down he said1 8,once ,i laid on this bed1 full of guilt and fears2 but now they are all taken away4 ,blessed be the ,god and ,father of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 for sending his messengers into these parts4 ,now is the harvest come4 ,now ,i shall reap the end of all my prayers40 #af4 ,about nine his mother and ,i came to him1 and he said1 8mother1 you are troubled about many things4 ,i know you have a great cross now sickness is in the house1 over and above the care of this large family4 ,father1 you must bear your part4 ,there is a want in you both4 ,you are religious singly3 ,but you are not free in confessing your faults and temptations one to another4 ,it would be a great help1 if you would set apart a time for this1 for the family in general1 once a week4 ,god has made you an instrument of keeping his little flock together in this place4 ,i believe you do it with all your heart4 ,let us do it chearfully1 and he will greatly bless us all40 #ag4 ,he passed the night without sleep2 but continually praising ,god1 and exhorting all that came in his sight4 ,to one who stood by him he said1 8,i opened my bible to-day on the cxii4 ,psalm4 ,take the prayer-book and find it40 ,she did so1 and he took especial notice of the #fth1 #gth1 and #hth verses4 8',tis sweet 7said he7 to speak those words experimentally3 ,he shall never be moved4 ,he will not be afraid of any evil tidings2 for his heart standeth fast1 believing in the ,lord4 ,his heart is established1 and will not shrink1 until he shall see his desire upon his enemies40 #ah4 ,in the morning1 ,friday1 #ae4 ,he was full of the spirit of grace1 and of supplication3 always expressing an unshaken confidence in ,god1 and making strong intercession for the church4 8,o said he1 could ,i but see the church of ,christ1 in peace and unity6 ,of one heart1 and of one mind6 then ,i should die rejoicing indeed60 #ai4 ,three of the leaders of classes coming in1 he said1 8,we have been neglectful in one thing1 in not going more diligently after backsliders1 and bringing back the sheep that were lost4 ,o it is a great thing1 to bring one soul unto the ,lord6 ,let me desire you to remember it for the time to come40 ,one of them asked1 8,shall ,i pray for you80 ,he said1 8,yes3 but do not pray for my recovery40 ,after praying1 he asked1 8,how do you find yourself now80 ,he said1 8,clear of doubt3 full of ,god40 #bj4 ,the man coming to him who used to work with him in the shop1 he said1 8,john1 how is the case between ,god and your soul8 ,of late you have not been so earnest as you was4 ,why do you not join in the society8 ,i believe you are kept from outward sin4 ,but that will not do40 ,a few days after the man came to me1 desiring to be admitted into the society1 and saying1 8,he hoped the words would never go out of his mind1 and that he should never rest till he knew the ,lord40 #ba4 ,speaking of some who were intangled with inordinate affection1 and talked of their 8wanting to know the will of ,god10 he said1 8,when we can give up our own wills1 then we shall know the will of ,god4 ,and when that is known and carefully followed1 all temptations of this kind are at an end40 #bb4 ,he asked one who was much with him1 8,are you willing to die80 ,and on her saying1 8,if ,i knew it was the will of ,god1 ,i could lie down and not leave a wish behind30 ,he answered1 8,i think ,i am drawn two ways4 ,i have a strong desire to depart and to be with ,christ2 but sometimes ,i am drawn a little backward1 not knowing whether my abiding awhile in the flesh1 may not be for the glory of ,god4 ,these are two opposite points4 ,when they are brought to meet1 my way will lie strait before me40 ,the same person who wrote part of this relation4 #bc4 ,he often made her repeat those lines of ,dr4 ,watts's3 8,say1 live for ever1 glorious ,king1 ,born to redeem and strong to save60 ,and catch'd the two next from her1 repeating with triumph1 8,then ask the monster1 ,where's his sting8 ,and where's thy victory1 boasting grave80 #bd4 ,those three verses in one of the funeral hymns he was almost continually repeating1 8,thou know'st1 in the spirit of prayer1 ,we groan thy appearing to see1 ,resign'd to the burden we bear1 ,but longing to triumph with thee4 ',tis good at thy word to be here1 ',tis better in thee to be gone1 ,and see thee in glory appear1 ,and rise to a share of thy throne4 8,to mourn for thy coming is sweet1 ,to weep at thy longer delay3 ,but thou whom we hasten to meet ,shall chase all our sorrows away4 ,the tears shall be wip'd from our eyes1 ,when thee we behold in the cloud1 ,and echo the joys of the skies1 ,and shout to the trumpet of ,god4 8,come then to thy languishing bride1 ,who went'st to prepare us a place1 ,receive us with thee to abide1 ,and rest in thy mercy's embrace4 ,our heaven of heavens be this1 ,thy fulness of mercy to prove1 ,implung'd in the glorious abyss1 ,and lost in the ocean of love40 #be4 ,elizabeth ,thomas being with him on ,friday night1 he asked her to pray1 and said1 8,i can pour out my whole heart1 and soul1 and spirit1 and life in prayer40 ,she asked1 8,can you rejoice in ,god80 ,he replied1 8,yes2 ,i have not the least doubt of my salvation4 ,i know that my ,redeemer liveth1 and that ,i shall stand before him in that day4 ,i know my ,saviour is now at the right hand of ,god1 and that he is praying for me4 ,i see the gates of heaven stand open1 and ,jesus stands with open arms to receive me40 ,then he cried1 8,let me go6 ,i must be gone60 ,she asked him1 8,whither he would go80 ,he said1 8,to my ,god20 and burst out1 8,come1 ,lord ,jesus6 ,the harvest is ready4 ,come1 ,lord1 and put in the sickle60 #bf4 ,the next morning1 ,saturday #af4 his sweats stopped4 ,all proper means were used to recover them4 ,he said1 8,i believe they will not return4 ,but ,i have left all to ,god4 ,my heart is full of ,god4 ,i know he will appear the second time1 without sin1 unto salvation40 ,after lying a short time he broke out into vehement prayer1 first for the church1 and then for himself3 crying out aloud1 8,open the heavens1 ,o my ,god1 and come down into my soul6 ,come1 ,father1 ,son and ,holy ,ghost1 and plunge me into ,god6 ,carry me ye angels1 to the bosom of my ,god4 ,bear me to the feet of ,jesus60 ,then with smiles of triumph1 not to be exprest1 he cried1 8,jesus is coming6 ,now ,i shall see the unclouded face of ,jesus6 ',tis finish'd6 ',tis finish'd6 ,jesus is come6 ,jesus is come6 8,for us is prepar'd ,the angelical guard1 ,the convoy attends ,a minist'ring host of invisible friends6 8,ready-wing'd for their flight ,to the regions of light ,the horses are come1 ,the chariots of ,israel to carry me home60 99,one called aloud to his mother to come4 ,he said1 8,you may call2 but ,god will not stop one moment40 ,he spake no more till he resigned his spirit into the hands of ,god4 ,a short ,,account ,of the ,,life and ,,death of ,,nathanael ,,othen1 ,who was shot in ,dover-,castle1 ,october #bf1 #ageg4 #a4 ,i ,,was born at ,ogham in ,hampshire1 of honest parents1 and when about thirteen years old1 went to service to a farmer near ,ogham1 whom ,i served faithfully for a year4 ,i was then for a year and a half postilion to the ,exeter stage-coach4 ,afterwards ,i went up to ,london1 and hired myself again1 in the place of a postilion4 ,it was here ,i was soon led into drunkenness1 and by that means not long after into lewdness4 ,leaving this place after six months1 ,i hired myself for another year as a postilion1 at the ,white-,horse in ,piccadilly4 ,here ,i got more money1 but could keep none1 squandering it all away in drink and debauchery4 ,my mistress reproving me for this1 ,i was so enraged1 that ,i went and entered on board a privateer4 ,i went down as far as ,exeter1 in my way to ,plymouth1 in order to embark4 ,but my mind then changed3 so ,i came back to ,london1 and hired myself in the ,hay-,market as a second coachman4 ,i soon quitted this place1 and served ,lord ,h in the same post for a year and a half1 who when he wanted me no longer1 recommended me to ,colonel ,b with whom ,i had large wages4 ,but ,i wasted all among lewd women1 'till ,i embarked with my master for ,holland4 #b4 ,in eight days we arrived at ,williamstadt4 ,thence we went to ,breda1 where ,i was again drawn into drunkenness4 ,my master hearing of it1 desired the groom to reprove me1 which made me reflect on my past life4 ,i went out into the fields1 and went to prayers1 repeating the prayers which ,i had been taught by my parents4 ,and this ,i did many times while we staid at ,breda3 ,and ,i had more power over sin than formerly4 duplicate word 8of0 removed #c4 ,we now removed to ,mastricht4 ,soon after my master parted with the horses ,i took care of1 and recommended me to another master4 ,but ,i stayed with him only a fortnight1 before ,i relapsed into drunkenness1 and was persuaded to inlist among the ,welch ,fusileers1 in the year #agdg4 ,i remained at camp till ,michaelmas3 thence we marched to ,rudenburgh1 where ,i remained all the winter4 ,on the first day of ,march1 #agdh1 we marched to ,ruremond1 where we encamped1 tho' the weather was cold and the snow deep4 ,after the cessation of arms1 we removed from place to place1 till in ,november we came to ,williamstadt4 #d4 ,here we lay five weeks on board the ,seaflower1 a ship belonging to ,whitby4 ,on ,december #ah1 new stile1 we set sail for ,burnt-island3 our ship having #da horses on board4 ,about sun-rise1 just as we got over the bar1 it looking as if we should have hard weather1 the man of war that sailed with us prepared for it1 backing his sails1 and making fast his guns4 ,before we lost sight of land1 we saw one of the transports break her yard4 ,soon after we came up along-side of a man of war1 who advised us1 to take in some of our sails4 ,but our captain1 being head strong1 did not regard him1 but kept all his sails set1 except the main-top-gallant4 ,about two hours before sun-set1 it blew a hurricane2 and we having but few sailors1 before they were able to furl the sails1 the wind tore them all in pieces4 ,and it was well it did4 ,for we lay gunnel to2 so that had the sails stood1 we must have overset4 ,suddenly a great outcry was made below1 that the horses were broke loose4 ,i ran down and found seven of them had broke loose1 which made the rest so wild1 that we were obliged to kill them all but one4 ,but it was six days before we could get them over-board3 during which the smell was so offensive1 that it made the whole ship's crew sick4 ,two days after we saw the shore2 but we could not possibly make it1 the wind was so high4 ,we then endeavoured to make ,aberdeen3 but were beat to sea again4 ,the next morning we lost sight of land1 the weather continued as before for five days4 ,the sixth1 at day-break1 we were surprised to see in the midst of the sea a rock very high out of the water1 and the ship was almost upon it3 so all hands were called4 ,the captain standing on the deck1 cried1 8,o my ship1 my ship40 ,some of the soldiers cursed him for disheartening them1 he answered1 8,you need not swear and curse1 for you may look over the side of the ship1 and see your graves40 ,many were then frighted1 and some went to prayer4 ,when we got to the lee-side of the rock1 we strove to anchor2 but the wind blew so hard1 and the sea was so rough1 we could not4 ,the ship was now taking in water apace1 so that we had two foot water in our hold already4 ,ten soldiers were employed1 of whom ,i was one1 to bale the water out with their camp-kettles4 ,in a little while our steward perished with cold1 as did the carpenter soon after4 ,and several of the boys had their limbs frozen1 so that they were unable to work4 ,eight soldiers who had been on board a man of war were ordered to supply their place4 8hale0 replaced with 8bale0 #e4 ,the wind continued to blow hard at south which drove us on the coast of ,greenland4 ,we were now so far north that ,i believe we had not above four hours day-light4 ,the captain now came into the cabin1 and cried1 8,lord1 have mercy upon us6 ,what shall we do8 ,i am afraid we shall be drove so far north1 as to have no day-light at all40 ,quickly after1 he went out of his senses1 and was confined in his cabin4 ,but just then the wind shifted from south to north2 and ,lieutenant ,eyres1 understanding the theory of navigation1 undertook the management of the ship4 ,the #ajth of ,march we came in sight of a rocky coast1 but knew not what land it was4 ,we tried to take soundings2 but could find no bottom4 ,a strong current ran between the rocks1 which was against us3 but the wind blew strong for us4 ,we hung out a flag of distress at our main-top-mast1 and fired several guns and several platoons4 #f4 ,during this distress most in the ship called upon ,god1 and if any man spoke profanely1 he was reproved for it4 ,at the same time1 a thought came into the minds of many1 that there was some grievous sinner in the ship3 and all agreed to cast lots1 that they might find the man1 for whose sake this was come upon us4 ,but they did not execute what they had agreed4 ,here we remained five days4 ,one who had been a sailor1 then swore1 that it was the ,orkneys we saw1 and undertook to bring us safe in4 ,but we had not gone far1 before our passage was quite shut up1 and we were just upon the rocks4 ,in the morning a man was sent to the main-top-mast head1 and ordered to keep a good look-out4 ,before twelve he cried1 8,a boat a-head40 ,our boat was quickly manned in order to row to them4 ,in a short time they came on board3 they brought us into the harbour about sun-set4 ,here we remained1 till we had liberty from the king of ,denmark1 to come to ,north-,bergen in ,norway4 ,when we came thither1 several lost the use of their limbs1 and many died in an hospital erected for us4 ,here we continued a month4 ,having then repaired our ship1 and got a new captain1 7for the old one was still disordered7 we set sail for ,scotland1 intending for ,burnt-island1 which we hoped to reach in a short time4 #g4 ,but we had scarce lost sight of land two hours1 when another violent storm arose4 ,i then renewed the good resolutions ,i made in the last1 and which ,i forgot almost as soon as ,i had made them4 ,it blew exceeding hard2 however on ,april #i1 we came with great difficulty to ,leith4 ,when we were safe on shore1 instead of returning ,god thanks1 ,i soon fell to my old trade of drunkenness3 and during our several removes1 ,i continually plunged deeper and deeper into all manner of wickedness4 #h4 ,after being at several other places we marched to ,glasgow1 where ,i met with a sober woman1 and one that feared ,god1 whom ,i married and lived comfortably with1 till orders came for my remove to ,england4 ,we past the winter at ,dover1 where the advice of my wife made such an impression upon me1 that ,i began to take up1 and be a good husband1 and worked hard to maintain myself and her4 ,so ,i continued to do at ,exeter1 where ,i had a son born1 and stayed eleven months4 ,thence we marched to ,plymouth1 where we embarked for ,minorca4 ,we landed there ,may #be1 and ,i lived happy with my wife for two months4 ,then both she and my child were taken sick and died4 ,this was a loss indeed6 ,i believe if she had lived1 it would have been the saving of my life4 #i4 ,after her death ,i soon fell back to drunkenness1 and to supply the expence of it1 took to coining4 ,the next spring1 ,april #bj1 the ,french invested the castle of ,st4 ,philip4 ,toward the end of the siege1 my companion and ,i got drunk together and quarrelled3 upon which he threatened to inform against me1 for which a great reward was offered4 ,being soon after told that he was gone to give information1 ,i thought there was but one way to save my life4 ,so ,i and he that told me determined to desert together4 ,in getting out of the castle1 ,i fell into the sea1 and was very near being drowned4 ,with much difficulty we then got to an old house1 and took shelter therein4 ,but we were between the fire of the ,french and the ,english2 so we stayed not above a quarter of an hour4 ,i would now fain have returned2 but our case was desperate3 so we went on hand in hand4 ,as we advanced1 the ,french gave the signal1 which was three slaps with their hand on the cartouch-box4 ,as we did not answer it1 or speak1 7for neither of us could speak ,french7 they immediately fired upon us4 ,but here also the hand of ,god was over us4 ,the shot all flew over our heads4 ,they then came and took us to the commanding officer1 who sent us to the town as prisoners4 ,in the morning we were removed to a prison near one of the general's quarters1 who sent for us about noon1 and asked1 what our design was8 ,i answered1 it was our desire to go into ,france and work4 ,he said1 8this could not be allowed by any means1 unless ,i first serv'd in the army for three years40 ,i said1 ,i would only comply1 on condition ,i should not serve on the island1 he replied1 if ,i would not serve on the island1 ,i must go back to prison1 ,i was going1 but he called me back and ask'd1 8in what regiment in ,france would you like to serve80 ,i answer'd in ,fitz-,james's4 ,he said1 ,i should4 ,however for the present1 ,i was remanded to prison4 ,two days after ,i was carried before the ,duke de ,richlieu1 who asked me many questions4 ,but ,i continued a prisoner during the whole siege1 and was so1 till we came to ,valenciennes4 #aj4 ,here ,i was enlisted into ,fitz-,james's horse1 and continued two months3 but with an aking heart4 ,i longed to be in ,england again1 and only waited for an opportunity4 ,this was suspected3 so that when we marched hence1 ,i was confined every night1 till we got a great way into ,france4 ,by interceding with the quarter-master1 ,i then got my liberty4 ,after many removes1 we marched to ,hanau1 and from thence about thirty leagues toward ,muscovy4 ,here four of us agreed to desert the next night1 and make the best of our way to the ,duke of ,cumberland's army4 ,at eleven we set out in thunder1 lightning and rain4 ,we took each of us a brace of pistols1 with our swords1 and plenty of powder and ball4 ,with great difficulty we past the guards1 and then not knowing the roads1 quickly lost our way3 so that at break of day1 we had got but nine miles4 ,however we were now got into the right road3 but day-light approaching1 we went into a wood1 and stayed there till six in the evening3 having been all this time without victuals1 we were weak and faint2 however we walk'd all night4 ,in the morning we learn'd from a waggoner1 that a party of ,french horse were within a mile and a half of us4 ,we ask'd what he thought they came there for8 ,he said he knew not unless it was to look for deserters4 ,upon this1 finding no way to get to the duke1 we agreed to make for ,holland1 having changed our clothes with some of the boors1 who likewise behaved kindly to us1 or we must have perished4 #aa4 ,having sold our arms to buy us provisions1 after many difficulties and dangers1 in passing by both the ,french and ,imperial troops1 we at length came to ,mastricht4 ,thence we went to ,middleburgh1 and afterward to ,flushing1 where we got on board an ,english man of war1 which the next morning sailed1 and brought us into the ,downs4 ,the third day after we landed1 we were apprehended as deserters1 and laid in irons for six days4 ,we were then removed to ,brumpton camp1 near ,chatham1 where ,i was tried by a court martial1 for deserting from the castle of ,st4 ,philips1 which ,i acknowledg'd and was condemned to die4 #ab4 ,i now began to be in great trouble1 not knowing what to do4 ,at length my companion and ,i determined to lay violent hands on ourselves4 ,in this resolution ,i continued till night4 ,then ,i began to think of the consequences of self-murder4 ,betimes in the morning ,i went to prayer1 and continued praying 'till about ten o'clock4 ,in my distress ,i bethought me of one ,james ,harbuckle1 a drummer in our regiment4 ,when he came ,i told him of my condition1 and he began to talk to me of the love of ,christ to sinners3 of repentance toward ,god1 and faith in our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,in the evening he was obliged to go2 but he promised to send some of his brethren to me4 ,two of them came at night and explained more at large what ,james ,harbuckle had said4 ,from this time ,i found another kind of trouble3 my sins were so set in array against me1 that not an evil work or word1 or thought1 ,i had ever given way to1 but was brought to my remembrance4 ,yet ,i was not so much troubled for fear of hell1 as for grief that ,i had offended so good a ,god1 and had crucified the ,son of ,god afresh4 ,for three days and three nights my distress was so great1 that it was as if all my flesh was tearing off my bones1 and my bones breaking in pieces1 which made me often look at my hands and legs1 to see if it was not so4 #ac4 ,my load so increased1 that ,i was just ready to despair of mercy1 when on a sudden it all dropt off4 ,i was on my knees at prayer1 when in a moment all my fear was gone4 ,i knew ,i had redemption in the blood of ,christ1 the forgiveness of my sins3 and the love of ,god was shed abroad in my heart1 enabling me to love all mankind1 even my enemies3 and him in particular who had been the cause of my deserting4 ,and ,i had an earnest desire to see and tell him so4 ,and ,i found every day an increase in love1 and in the knowledge of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,i was so delivered from the fear of death1 that ,i could have rejoiced to have died that instant2 being filled with prayer1 and praise1 and thanksgiving1 such as no tongue can express4 ,and this sense of the love of ,god to my soul1 ,i never since lost1 not for a moment4 #ad4 ,i was removed from hence to ,dover-,castle1 where ,i sent for ,mr4 ,edwards1 the minister of ,st4 ,mary's4 ,he came the next morning1 and afterwards attended me very diligently4 ,i desire to thank ,god for his help1 and hope the ,lord will bless him for his kindness to me4 ,but ,i could not be satisfied1 till ,i had sent into the town to enquire1 if there were any of the people call'd ,methodists there8 ,they sent word1 they would come when their day's work was done3 but it being then late1 they could not be admitted4 ,on ,sunday they came again1 and we prayed1 and sang1 and rejoiced together in the salvation of ,god1 ,i desired they would come again if ,i was spared1 which they did the following ,sunday1 when my spirit was so revived1 that ,i could not help declaring to my fellow-soldiers what ,god had done for my soul4 ,and now my prison was turned into a church1 an house of prayer and praise4 ,people crowded in1 soldiers and others1 to whom ,mr4 ,wr gave an exhortation4 ,when he had done1 ,i stood up1 and begged my fellow-soldiers1 to cry to ,god for mercy1 and grace to forsake all their sins1 lest the day of grace should be past1 and they be given over to a reprobate mind4 #ae4 ,i spent the remaining part of the day in giving a relation of my life1 to one who wrote it down from my mouth2 but ,i could not finish it then4 ,monday1 ,october #bc1 ,mr4 ,edwards administered the ,lord's ,supper to me4 ,in the afternoon ,mr4 ,wr gave another exhortation as ,i did likewise when he had done1 and we sang praises to ,god with a good courage1 and poured out our souls in prayer4 ,the soldier who had threatened to inform against me at ,st4 ,philip's now came in4 ,formerly ,i was resolved to kill him1 wherever ,i met him3 but ,i now felt nothing but love and pity4 ,so ,i earnestly exhorted him to forsake his sins1 and seek mercy while it might be found4 #af4 ,what follows is added by him who wrote the forgoing relation4 ,we now parted1 after ,i had promised to be with him1 during the short remainder of his life1 as much as my business would permit4 ,tuesday the #beth1 ,mr4 ,edwards administered the ,sacrament to him1 and examined him closely as to the state of his soul4 ,he readily answered every question1 and declared his desire to depart and to be with ,christ4 ,about ten at night ,i came to him again1 and found him employed in exhorting his fellow soldiers1 and in praise and prayer4 ,in the same employment he had been the greatest part of the day4 ,in the same he continued till about twelve3 when his strength being quite exhausted1 he was forced to take some rest4 ,he would fain have slept on his coffin2 but we persuaded him to lie on the straw3 when he waked1 he asked1 what o'clock it was8 ,and being answered 8about three10 he complained that he had slept too long2 but found himself much refresh'd4 ,after ,mr4 ,wr had read and expounded a chapter1 and spent some time in prayer and praise1 he again exhorted his fellow soldiers1 to forsake their sins1 particularly those to which he knew they were addicted4 99#ag4 ,the morning now advancing1 he exprest much longing for the happy hour1 when he was to 8put on1 as he called it1 his wedding dress0 and to be with the ,lord4 ,we then left him awhile and when we returned1 found him drest in white1 standing on a long form1 and exhorting all the people4 ,we all joined in prayer1 after which he broke out in praise to ,god his ,saviour4 ,mr4 ,edwards coming in1 asked1 how he did8 ,he answered1 8,blessed be ,god1 never happier40 ,after a few more questions he withdrew1 and ,othen getting on the form again1 exhorted all that were present with such joy and fervency of spirit1 as testified a hope full of immortality4 #ah4 ,he was thus employed1 when the officer came1 to tell him1 the time was come2 he then chearfully stept off the bench1 and without any delay went forwards1 and said1 8,i had a good wife1 and ,i loved her well3 but ,i now go forth with greater pleasure to die1 than ,i did on my wedding day to be married40 ,when he was out of prison and delivered to the soldiers who were to guard him to the place of execution1 he began singing that hymn with a loud voice1 8,behold the ,saviour of mankind1 8,nail'd to a shameful tree60 ,walking on he took notice of a company of young soldiers1 to whom he earnestly said1 8take warning by me1 ,i am young2 but #bg years of age1 in full health and strength4 ,and yet ,i shall soon be as water spilt on the ground1 which cannot be gathered up4 ,my morning sun goes down at ten o'clock4 ,yet ,i have found mercy3 and so may you4 ,o that you saw the danger of being out of ,christ6 ,if you felt this in the manner ,i felt it1 especially for three days and three nights1 it would make the stoutest of you tremble40 #ai4 ,then turning to me and some others1 who walked near him1 he said1 8come which of you will help me to sing80 ,on which he gave out his favourite hymn 7that on the crucifixion7 and we all sang it with him4 ,when he came to the spot where he was to suffer1 the minister was ready to pray with him1 in which we all joined4 ,afterwards the officer gave him liberty to go round and exhort all the soldiers4 ,he began at the right and ended at the left1 sparing neither officers nor private men3 though to some he spoke more particularly1 and in a manner which ,i trust they will never forget4 ,he then asked the serjeant if the major thought him too long4 ,he said1 no3 upon which he gave out1 the lamentation of a sinner4 ,while we were singing1 the men were drawn out that were to shoot him1 and stood a little behind him4 ,he turned and looked upon them1 and ,mr4 ,wr asked him1 8whether he felt any fear of death80 ,he said1 8none at all blessed be ,god3 ,i feel my faith stronger and stronger10 here we all took our last farewel of him1 and parted with a kiss of love4 ,he then chearfully walked to the mark1 kneeled down1 and having commended his soul to ,god1 gave the signal4 ,in that instant his body pitched forward1 and his soul sprang into eternity4 8preted0 replaced with 8parted0 #bj4 ,some of our friends told the serjeant1 that if it was agreeable to the major1 ,mr4 ,wr would preach a sermon on the occasion4 ,the offer was readily accepted4 ,so in the afternoon he stood near the place of execution1 and all the soldiers were ordered out1 and formed a ring round about him4 ,the officers as well as soldiers were present1 and behaved with the utmost seriousness4 ,as ,i was coming back1 a soldier said to the people1 8,if ,i was as well prepared for death as ,othen1 ,i did not care if ,i was to be carried up to the green1 and shot this moment40 ,another said1 ,i was so prejudiced against him by reports1 that ,i would have shot him1 as soon as ,i would a dog4 ,and ,i waited at the prison door1 expecting to see a monstrous creature1 when ,i saw a man with grace shining in his face4 ,and ,i hope what ,i then saw and heard will be a blessing to me as long as ,i live4 ,some ,,account ,of the ,,life and ,,death of ,,matthew ,,lee4 ,,matthew ,,lee was born at ,croft in ,lincolnshire1 was educated in that neighbourhood2 and at eleven years of age1 put apprentice to a shoe-maker in ,brator near ,spillsbury1 and served his time to the approbation of his master3 was of a sober1 quiet disposition1 and esteemed for his good-nature and integrity4 ,shortly after the expiration of his apprenticeship1 by the invitation of his brother1 he came to ,london2 but being used to coarse country work1 unskilled in the method of working in ,london1 and but a slow hand withal1 he was incapable1 by his business1 of gaining even the necessaries of life4 ,this involved him in great difficulties and distresses1 his relations not being in circumstances to grant him any assistance4 ,on his application to them for advice1 he was advised to get a waiter's or drawer's place at an inn4 ,after some time he was hired to the ,swan at ,fulham1 where he lived contentedly and agreeably1 gained the good-will of those whom he conversed with1 and kept his character unblemished4 ,he afterwards lived at a public-house in ,carnaby-market3 from thence he went to the ,three ,tuns in ,new-street1 ,fetter-lane1 where he continued to live1 till a person who came frequently to drink at his master's house1 and with whom ,matthew had contracted an intimacy1 one day told him that it lay in his power to be of great benefit to him1 and if he would hearken to his advice1 he might live more advantageously than he could do in a public house3 ,matthew enquired into the particulars of the affair3 ,walton 7for so was his companion's name7 informed him1 that his aunt had left him a large legacy1 and he was now going to receive the same1 and if he would quit his present service1 and attend on him1 he would give him great wages1 and he should live as himself4 ,he the more readily agreed thereto1 from a desire to be freed from the threatenings of a woman with whom he had sinful commerce4 ,he had borrowed money of her1 which he was at present incapable of paying her1 for which she frequently threatened him with a gaol4 ,this made him the more willing to leave his place1 to be freed from her importunity4 ,accordingly he packed up his cloaths1 with what money he had1 and went from his place with his new pretended master4 ,but he soon found his mistake3 they wandered up and down1 till their money being expended1 ,walton shewed ,lee a pistol1 and said1 8,this must stand our friend1 and supply us with all we want40 ,when he objected to the proposal1 the other with dreadful curses threatened to blow his brains out1 if he did not comply4 ,while they were arguing upon the point1 they had an opportunity of putting their design in execution3 for in the midst of their discourse1 ,mr4 ,chalmer came in sight4 ,walton gave ,lee the pistol to attack him1 but his heart failed2 he sat down on the side of the field1 and ,mr4 ,chalmer passed by uninterrupted4 ,for this1 ,walton reproached him bitterly2 upon which they both followed him1 ,lee with his pistol1 and ,walton with a large stick1 and robbed the gentleman of his watch and fourteen shillings4 ,had ,walton been contented with what the gentleman had given him1 in all probability they might have escaped2 but ,walton perceiving a bulk in his pocket 7which was thirteen guineas7 demanded it1 which ,mr4 ,chalmer refused1 and recovering his spirits1 told them1 8,except they would give him his watch1 he would follow them40 ,walton observing this1 took the pistol from ,lee1 and made his escape over the fields2 but ,lee having the watch1 was closely pursued1 and taken with the watch upon him4 ,he was first committed to ,bridewell1 and continued there six weeks3 during his stay there1 ,god was pleased to incline the heart of one to visit those who were there confined1 and to publish the glad tidings of salvation2 and ,god gave ,lee an ear to hear the gospel-sound1 and an heart to embrace it4 ,he took great delight in hearing3 and a visible alteration was observed in his whole behaviour4 ,he was convinced of his lost and undone state2 was sensible how vile and guilty he was before ,god3 was much by himself in reading and prayer1 frequently and earnestly crying for mercy4 ,but he was very fearful lest his many and great sins would exclude him from the favour of ,god2 and though he was only guilty of this robbery1 yet he acknowledged himself a vile and hell-deserving creature1 for his whole life4 ,it was now the grief of his heart that he had ever sinned against such a good and gracious ,god3 who he acknowledged had been frequently striving with him4 ,for 7said he7 ,i remember when ,i have been drinking and merry-making with my companions1 in the midst of my mirth1 great horror and distress have seized me1 that ,i have often times been forced to leave my company1 and retire by myself4 ,i have been frequently distressed on account of my sin3 my conscience has checked me in1 and after the committing of it2 but by company and mirth it would soon wear off1 though not so1 but at times it would return again4 ,the very first time he heard the preaching in ,bridewell1 the terrors of the ,almighty fell upon him1 and the arrows of ,god stuck fast in his soul4 ,the sense of his crime 7not as it was merely against the laws of man1 but as it was against the law of ,god7 and all his former sins greatly distressed him4 ,the thoughts of death1 but especially of a judgment to come1 made him tremble exceedingly4 ,he feared the wrath to come1 and knew not how to flee from it4 ,he was desirous to know what he must do to be saved2 but did not see ,christ the way of salvation4 ,he was now crying out undone6 undone6 and writing bitter things against himself4 ,he was so desirous to hear the gospel1 that he would rather lose the favour of his relations and friends1 that visited him1 than lose one opportunity3 saying1 8,he had but one friend to please1 and that was ,christ40 ,he heard with such attention and affection1 that he seemed even to eat the words of the preacher4 ,he earnestly longed for the pardon of his sins3 but for the first three weeks he had not the least glimpse of comfort4 ,shortly after1 as he was in prayer1 crying earnestly for mercy1 under great horror of soul1 ,god broke in upon him in a wonderful manner1 which he thus expressed to the person that preached4 998,i believe now my peace is made with ,god through ,jesus ,christ4 ,i experience a great change in my soul1 for while ,i was at prayer1 last night1 in great terror1 apprehensive that ,i was going immediately body and soul to hell3 ,i cry'd out so loud that my fellow-prisoners in the next ward heard me1 and called to know what was the matter3 ,i told them that ,i was going to hell1 and begged their prayers for me3 but while ,i was in the midst of this horror and despair1 ,i suddenly experienced a blessed and comfortable change3 my mind was immediately calmed3 ,i believed my sins were forgiven3 the fear of hell was taken away3 and ,i was so far from fearing death1 that ,i was now more desirous to die1 than to live40 ,he earnestly desired prayer to ,god in his behalf1 and wept bitterly that ever he should sin against him4 ,it was very observable from this time1 that the greater sense he experienced of the mercy of ,god to him1 the greater abhorrence he had of sin1 and of himself for committing it4 ,he was now more serious in hearing the word than ever2 and was frequently singing of psalms and hymns4 ,he could not bear to hear any of his fellow-prisoners profane the name of ,god1 but would reprove them and exhort them with a serious concern to reflect on the consequences of such a behaviour4 8,oh6 7said he7 did you but feel the terrors ,i lately did for my sins1 you would dread the thoughts of ever sinning again40 8,i have 7says he1 to a friend7 deserved eternal death2 but blessed be ,god who hath taken away the sting of death1 and the guilt of sin2 and now ,i can walk through the valley of the shadow of death1 and not be afraid3 now ,i can lay down and rise up1 can live and die in peace40 ,being removed from ,bridewell to ,newgate1 to be tried at the ,old ,bailey1 the day before he was brought to the bar1 he said1 8,shortly ,i shall appear before the bar of man1 and receive a sentence of death on this body2 but this is my comfort1 before man condemns me1 ,god1 the eternal ,god1 has pardoned me3 ,i shall stand guilty before man1 but guiltless before ,god40 ,being asked1 8,how he1 who acknowledged himself a sinner could stand guiltless before ,god40 ,he replied1 8,because ,jesus ,christ hath washed away my sins in his own blood2 and ,i am justified by his grace3 my sins are blotted out of the book of his remembrance40 ,it was asked again1 8,how he knew that ,christ had taken away his sins1 and that he was washed in his blood40 99,he replied3 8,as a lost and undone sinner1 ,i have laid hold on ,jesus ,christ by faith3 ,i rest the whole of my salvation upon him3 ,i have believed in him3 and he hath adopted me into his family3 the ,spirit of ,god bears witness with my spirit1 that ,i am a child of ,god4 ,thus ,i know that all my sins are pardoned1 and let death come when it will1 ,i am ready2 for ,i am assured1 as soon as this body is dead1 my soul will be with ,jesus in paradise40 ,one present said1 8,that we need be cautious of deceiving our own souls1 and advised him to be modest in his expressions3 for many who had made a great profession for many years1 could not speak with such confidence as he did40 ,he answered1 8,i speak it from a certainty of the thing2 that which ,i see and feel1 ,i testify unto you40 998,sir1 ,if these heavy irons were removed from me1 should not ,i be sensible of it2 and could not ,i by experience declare to others that my irons were removed1 and my legs were at liberty8 ,would not the alteration ,i felt1 be a sufficient foundation to assert the satisfaction ,i found by the removal of them8 ,why thus it was lately with my soul3 it was fettered down to sin3 ,i was a slave to my lusts1 and ,i could no more get rid of my sins1 than ,i can of these irons4 ,but while ,i was fearing and expecting to be cast into hell every moment1 ,jesus ,christ came and knocked off my irons1 my sins3 he shut the doors of hell1 and opened the doors of heaven2 and set my soul at liberty4 ,god has made me1 who was a slave of the devil1 to be a subject of ,christ4 ,i am brought from my lusts and pleasures1 which ,i loved1 to love nothing else but ,jesus ,christ4 ,and can such an alteration be wrought in my soul1 and ,i be ignorant thereof8,o blessed be ,god1 this change fills me with joy3 ,i am full of joy3 joy1 not to be expressed3 for ,christ loves me1 and ,i love ,christ1 and ,i shall shortly be with him for ever40 ,one saying1 he had a heavy pair of irons on1 8,oh6 7says he7 these are the cursed fruits of sin3 this is the honour the devil's servants have3 these are the badges that declare to whom ,i did belong1 and tell what dirty work ,i have been engaged in4 ,ah1 cursed sin1 that exposes us to such misery here1 and to ten thousand times ten thousand worse hereafter6 99,it was my sins that brought me here2 and my sins made me liable to be the devil's prisoner1 in the dreadful prison of hell for ever3 but the ,lord hath spread all my sins before my face1 that ,i may see the magnitude and the multitude of them2 and then he blowed them away with a blast of his ,holy ,spirit4 ,all my sins appeared before me1 and they looked like the devil from whence they came3 but then ,jesus ,christ cast them all behind his back1 and made me whiter than driven snow in his presence40 ,being advised to plead1 not guilty1 when called to the bar1 and told1 perhaps it might save his life3 99,he replied3 8,i will not tell a lie to save ten thousand lives4 ,it is true1 life is sweet1 but the love and favour of ,god is sweeter to me than life itself3 how do ,i know1 but while ,i am telling of a lie to save my life1 ,i may be struck dead1 and lose my precious soul for ever8 ,i shall therefore plead guilty3 not with a design to obtain the favour of man thereby3 for ,i expect1 ,i deserve none2 but because ,i would not offend ,god1 and grieve his ,holy ,spirit40 ,a by-stander asked him1 ,whether he was willing to die8 ,he said1 8,when ,i consult with flesh and blood1 it seems hard to leave the world in the bloom of my youth2 but when ,i consider ,i am going to him whom my soul loves1 then ,i long to be dissolved1 and to be with ,christ ,jesus40 ,this1 with much more to the same import1 he uttered1 with a chearful countenance1 and with such an humble1 yet confident boldness1 as filled all with admiration that heard him4 ,a ,roman ,catholic1 being present1 could not believe that it was possible for any one to know his sins were forgiven2 but acknowledged he believed ,matthew to be a pious young man1 and that if it was to be known here1 he did know it4 ,a near relation being of the same opinion1 as to the knowledge of the forgiveness of sins1 he said1 8,believe me1 as ,i shortly expect to die1 and look on myself as a dying man1 ,i am positive ,god for ,christ's sake hath pardoned all my sins2 and ,i am not afraid to face death1 for death cannot hurt me40 ,to some1 he said1 8,my living in an alehouse exposed me to much evil company1 and ,i was forced to hear much cursing and swearing1 to which ,i myself was too much addicted4 ,this with my living in uncleanness1 made me forget ,god2 so that ,god for my manifold sins1 left me to commit the crime1 for which ,i am justly to lose my life4 ,but ,i have no cause to complain1 since ,god hath made me repent1 and see the evil of my ways in my chains3 and glory be to his name1 he hath set my soul at liberty4 ,oh6 blessed be his name for his unspeakable goodness to me1 so vile and wretched a sinner1 for he hath enabled me to repent with a repentance not to be repented of4 ,i formerly took great pleasure in committing sin1 but now ,i hate the very thoughts of sin2 and ,i really believe 7by ,god's grace7 ,i could not commit a sin to gain a kingdom40 ,after the person1 by whom he was first convinced1 had been with him1 he cryed out1 8,oh1 that he could be with me always1 then would my prison be a palace1 and my confinement better than liberty699,but1 why do ,i want a man to be with me8 ,have ,i not the presence of ,god with me8 ,have ,i not communion with ,jesus ,christ8 ,and that is more valuable than all the helps and conversation of poor sinful man40 ,being informed there was a minister belonging to the gaol1 who would help him in his addresses to the ,almighty ,god3 ,he answered1 8,why don't he then8 ,why don't he come and instruct me8 ,why don't he wrestle with ,god for me8 ,i see no regard paid to the immortal souls of any that are confined here4 ,they are running head-long to hell1 and no one seeks to stop them4 ,none prays with2 none admonishes1 reproves1 exhorts them3 but he that is filthy1 is left to be filthy still4 ,what6 ,have the prisoners in ,newgate1 immortal souls6 ,and yet no one regardeth them8 ,are they so good as not to need reproof and admonition8 ,or are they so bad as to be past recovery8 ,who can tell1 but by frequent1 earnest and heart-searching preaching1 ,god might reach some hellish sinner here1 as he reached me in ,bridewell8 ,and shall the servants of the ,most ,high ,god be forbid to preach in ,newgate6,what6 forbid to preach to the servants of the devil6,servants of the devil1 did ,i say8 ,devils incarnate2 but yet they are not blacker than ,i3 and the blood of ,christ hath reached me1 and the same blood can cleanse the most defiled and vilest sinner here4,lord1 pity us in ,newgate1 and send some one to preach thy word2 and do thou make it effectual to reach their hearts40 ,when he was brought to the bar1 he said but little2 only pleaded guilty to the indictment3 but when he received sentence of death1 with an audible voice1 he said1 8,though ,i stand condemned at the bar of man1 ,i shall be acquitted at the bar of ,god2 for he hath forgiven me all my sins1 and assured me of his glory40 ,after his return back to prison1 he was solid and serious1 yet remarkably chearful3 crying out 8,what a vile wretch am ,i2 and yet ,god for his ,son's sake hath pardoned me1 and ,i shall stand before his throne1 and praise him for ever2 for ,i am an heir of ,god1 and a joint heir with ,jesus ,christ2 a citizen of ,zion1 and a companion with saints and angels to all eternity3 ,oh1 how do ,i long to die1 that ,i may be with ,jesus ,christ1 who is my lot and portion3 ,oh1 the happiness ,i shall enjoy when ,i have left this clay6 ,o1 help me1 sir1 to glorify ,god3 ,i do praise him2 but shew me how to do it more and more1 and more still3 ,i cannot do it enough till ,i come to heaven1 and ,i shall not do it enough then499,blessed be ,god for what ,i have experienced in these cells3 these dark and dismal cells have been light and pleasant places to me2 for ,i have had the prospect of eternal glory2 and have seen that eternal glory reserved for me6 ,thither1 thither1 am ,i going3 ,i have but one storm to endure1 and ,i shall be in harbour for ever40 ,one asked1 8,whither he should not be glad of a reprieve1 and whither he had not hopes of not being included in the dead warrant80 ,he reply'd1 8,my flesh and blood desire life1 but my soul longs to be where death shall be no more4 ,welcome life2 and welcome death3 if ,i am reprieved1 ,i shall bless ,god2 and if ,i am included in the dead warrant1 ,i shall still praise and magnify his name40 ,one inquiring 8,whether he had any to make intercession for him80 ,he replied1 8,i have no one on earth to intercede in my behalf3 but ,i have one in the court of heaven1 who hath interceeded for me1 and obtained my pardon4 ,my pardon is sealed above1 and sealed with the broad seal of king ,jesus2 that shall abide to all eternity6,jesus is my friend1 and he will prepare a place for me40 ,the two persons that were condemned for murder seeing his seriousness1 and the time he spent in singing and prayer2 cursed him for 8,making such-a-do1 about nothing10 7as they termed it7 and said to him1 8,why1 we shall only be hanged40 8,only be hanged 7says he7 and is not that bad enough1 to die in ones youth and vigour1 such a shameful death80 ,they answered1 8,why1 we must all die1 one time or other2 and now is as well as another time40 8,how can you 7replied he7 speak so carelessly about the most important thing in the world8 ,but you forget4,death is not all3 for after death there is a judgment and eternity6 ,indeed for my part ,i am easy2 because ,i know ,i shall be happy3 but ,i wonder you can be so easy1 and your peace not made with ,god4,why you are on the brink of hell1 and will be miserable for ever1 if you die without repentance40 ,upon their laughing at what he said1 he could not forbear weeping4 ,he then turned away and said no more2 but it had such an effect upon him1 that he could not sleep all night1 to think what an unhappy state they were in4 ,one of his fellow prisoners being asked1 8,whether his peace was made with ,god1 or whether he could say his sins were pardoned1 as ,mr4 ,lee did80 ,he replied1 8,he hoped it was40 ,mr4 ,lee immediately said1 8,that is a sure sign your peace is not made with ,god2 for1 if it was1 you would not only hope it was1 but be sure of it2 you would feel the effects of it2 your soul would be warmed with love2 you would love ,jesus ,christ1 and long to be with him80 ,the two prisoners that died with him1 asked him to eat with them4 ,he answered1 8,no,what1 must we eat to grow fat for the grave8 ,our thoughts had need to be engaged about other things1 than in filling and pleasing the flesh40,they answered1 8,if we think so much1 it will make us mad408,what 7said he7 are you afraid of being mad by repenting of your sins8 ,you have more need of being afraid of going to hell for the committing of them3 if we had not all been mad1 we had not committed those things that brought us here4 ,and ,i am sure we shall be madder still1 if before we have lost our bodies1 we take no heed to save our souls408,ay6 ,but 7says one of them7 we shall some1 if not all of us1 get off1 for the dead warrant is not come down yet408,what then 7said he7 if the dead warrant saves any of our bodies1 it does not save our souls4 ,we have need to be thoughtful about death1 and to seek to have our peace made with ,god1 if we escape death at this time40 8his0 replaced with 8this0 per ,errata ,one of the prisoners said1 8,can you now forgive your prosecutor808,as ,i am a dying man 7said he7 ,i love all mankind1 my prosecutor and all1 as ,i love my own soul2 ,i do not know any person1 not even the greatest enemy ,i have or ever had1 but whom ,i as heartily love1 as ,i do myself2 and ,i can pray for them as readily as ,i can for my greatest friends40 ,the night before the dead warrant came down1 he was filled with more joy than usual1 and said1 8,now the ,lord is smiling upon me2 now he is speaking comfort to my soul2 now1 now1 ,i find nothing shall separate me from the love of ,god in ,christ ,jesus3 ,o how does the ,father of mercies manifest his love to me1 and make me to taste of the joys of heaven before ,i come there3 now my heart feels what my mouth cannot utter3 99he hath made darkness light before me2 my dark cell1 and my dark soul1 is full of the glory of the ,lord2 ,i am as full as my poor soul can contain of the divine presence3 and if the foretastes of glory are so great1 ,what must heaven itself be8 ,god hath opened my eyes to behold his glory1 and my soul is dazled with the sight of it40 ,when the dead warrant came1 and he was informed he was in it3 8,blessed be ,god1 7he said7 ,i am not daunted3 ,i receive the account with joy3 and had it been to have died immediately1 it would not have surprized me2 for ,i am ready for it4,lord1 thou knowest ,i am waiting for thy salvation2 and must ,i stay still ,wednesday before ,i am with thee8 ,why must my longing soul be kept from thee till then8,but it is thy will1 and ,i am content to wait till thou shalt take me for ever unto thyself4,o what a blessed day will that be to my soul1 when it will be separated from its body1 to be with ,christ for ever6 ,death1 do thy worst2 thou canst not hurt me2 for thy sting is taken away1 and thou canst but carry me to glory2 to the glory prepared for me4,lord1 into thy arms ,i will throw myself4 ,lord1 ,i come1 ,i come2 ,i long to come to thee2 ,i resign myself to thee1 and ,i depend for salvation only on thee1 my dear ,lord ,jesus ,christ2 thou art my ,saviour2 thou art my ,god1 and thou wilt be mine for ever1 and ever4 ,thou hast forgiven me1 and by thy grace ,i forgive all my enemies4 ,o that they may all be saved1 and brought to live with thee in thy glory4,o who could have thought there had been so much sweetness at the bottom of this bitter cup8,o ,walton1 ,walton2 turn unto ,god1 before it is too late3 let my death be the means of making thee leave thy evil ways3 and may ,god change thy heart1 and forgive thee1 as he hath forgiven me40 8,oh 7said he7 ,i find more solid joy and comfort in death than ever ,i found in all the pleasures of life4 ,oh1 that my relations would not weep for me3 it grieves me to see them grieve4 ,oh1 that they may speedily turn to ,god1 and then1 though we part here in sorrow1 we shall meet hereafter in joy2 never1 never to part again4,now1 my ,god1 ,i can sing of thy salvation3 my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness3 and shortly shall ,i be1 where ,i shall sing praises1 without ceasing1 for ever4,what will my friends weep when ,i am thus to be employed6 ,o let them learn to follow me2 not to follow me in sin1 to prison1 or to a gallows2 but follow me to ,christ ,jesus4,o that they would attend to the voice of a dying man1 and cry to ,god for his grace1 that they may break off their sins by repentance1 and lay hold of ,christ by faith1 for everlasting life and salvation4 ,beg of ,god a broken spirit2 since a broken and contrite heart1 ,god will not despise40 ,the night before his execution1 he spent in prayer and praise1 and was heard to say1 8,lord my time is short here1 let me not fear in my last moments3 give me courage to face death3 let me not be afraid of its terrors3 let thy grace fill me with consolation3 and let me go off the stage of life1 testifying what thou hast done for my soul4 ,may ,i declare thy pardoning grace to me4 ,to thee1 ,o ,lord1 do ,i fly for succour4 ,to thee ,i come with a ,saviour in my arms2 and1 if ,i perish1 it shall be crying out1 ,god be merciful to me a sinner6 ,if thou hurlest me down to hell1 ,i will keep my hold on ,christ ,jesus1 and ,i will not let him go till thou dost bless me40 ,praying with a friend 7he said7 ,lord strengthen my faith in my dying moments1 that ,i may not dishonour thee by the fear of death1 but enable me to bear a testimony to thy pardoning grace4 ,may ,i die in the full assurance of faith1 and leave a testimony of the freeness of thy grace1 and of thy readiness to pardon the chief of sinners4 ,the morning of his execution1 when his fetters were knocked off1 he pulled off his hat1 and with great seriousness1 blessed ,god that had vouchsafed him his presence1 and prayed for the increase and strength of grace to hold out to the end4 99,the person who was taking off his irons said1 8,he was afraid he should hurt him40 8,oh1 fear not1 said he1 nothing can hurt me here1 and ,i shall shortly be where nothing shall hurt me to all eternity40 ,when the ordinary of ,newgate asked him1 8if his peace was made with ,god80 ,he answered1 8,yea1 ,i know my peace is made with ,god1 and that ,god1 for ,christ's sake hath pardoned all my sins40 ,as he was going to execution1 he seemed full of prayer and praise2 his countenance chearful1 and his deportment serious and solid4 ,in ,tyburn ,road1 a gentleman begged leave that the cart might be stopped1 for two young women to speak to him4 ,to one of them he said1 8,my dear ,nanny1 don't fret for me1 for ,i am going to heaven3 look up with an eye of faith1 and you will see the holy angels waiting to be my convoy4 ,my ,lord ,jesus is calling me1 and ,i shall shortly be with him in paradise40 ,when he came to ,tyburn1 and saw among the spectators1 the instrument1 under ,god1 of his conversion1 he called out to him4 8,now ,i know you and ,i shall soon meet together in glory4 ,i am going thither1 and ,i know you shall soon follow after4 ,i know that ,i have been a vile sinner1 undeserving the mercy of ,god3 but ,i know also that ,god1 for ,christ's sake1 hath pardoned all my sins4 ,oh1 this is a happy time indeed6 ,blessed be ,god ,i am not afraid to die4 ,now ,i experience what you so often told me about the children of ,god's triumphing over the fears of death40,then with a smile he said1 8,o death1 where is thy sting8 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8 ,the sting of death is sin2 the strength of sin is the law4 ,but blessed be ,god1 who hath given me the victory over sin1 and over death1 through our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4,surely ,god's mercies are unbounded3 they extend to the chief of sinners3 for since the grace of ,god hath reached me1 what room is there for the vilest sinner to despair of pardon80 ,the last words he was heard to speak1 was to a near relation4 8,my dear1 don't vex yourself for me2 for ,i shall be in heaven in two or three minutes40 ,prayers being ended1 he committed his spirit into the hands of ,god1 with a chearful countenance1 being in the #bjth year of his age4 ,his body was taken care of by his friends1 and on the ,sunday following1 was decently interred in ,tindall's burial ground4,mr4 ,h4 and another friend1 performed the last office of prayer and praise over his grave1 before a great concourse of people2 where we must leave him to rest till the morning of the resurrection1 when his body1 sown in dishonour1 shall be raised in glory4 ,an ,,extract ,of the ,,life and ,,death of ,mr4 ,,john ,,janeway4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,an account of him from his childhood1 to the seventeenth year of his age4 ,,mr4 ,john ,janeway was born in the year #afcc1 ,october #bg1 in ,tylly1 in the county of ,hertford4 ,he soon gave his parents the hope of much comfort1 and the symptoms of something more than ordinary appeared in him4 ,for pregnancy of wit1 solidity of judgment1 and the greatness of his memory1 he had no superiors1 and few equals1 considering his age and education4 8#fc0 replaced with 8#afcc0 per ,errata ,he was initiated in the ,latin tongue by his father2 afterwards he was brought up at ,st4 ,paul's school in ,london1 where he made a considerable proficiency in ,latin and ,greek4 ,when he was about eleven years old he took a great fancy to the ,hebrew tongue4 ,about this time his parents removing into a little village called ,aspoden1 had the opportunity of having their son instructed by a learned neighbour1 who was pleased to count it diversion to read mathematics to him1 being then about twelve years old2 and he made such progress that he read ,oughtred with understanding before he was thirteen4 ,a person of quality1 hearing of the admirable proficiency of this boy1 sent for him up to ,london1 and kept him with him for sometime to read mathematics to him4 ,in the year #afdf1 he was chosen by the provost of ,eaton college1 one of the foundation of that school3 where he gave no unsuitable returns to the high expectations that were conceived of him4 ,after a little continuance at ,eaton1 he obtained leave of his master to go to ,oxford1 to perfect himself in mathematics1 being with ,dr4 ,ward1 one of the professors1 he attained to a strange exactness in that study1 the doctor looked upon him as one of the wonders of his age2 loved him dearly1 and could not for some time after his death mention his name without tears4 ,when he had spent about a quarter of a year with ,dr4 ,ward1 he was commanded to return to ,eaton1 where he soon gave proof of the improvement of his time while he was absent1 by calculating the eclipses for many years before hand2 so that by this time he had many eyes upon him as the glory of the school4 ,yet he did not discover the least self-conceit2 every one took more notice of his parts than himself4 ,at about seventeen years old he was chose to ,king's-college in ,cambridge4 ,he was chosen first1 and an elder brother of his the sixth2 but he was very willing to change places with his elder brother1 letting him have the first1 and thankfully accepting of the sixth place4 ,besides his great learning1 his deportment was so sweet and lovely1 his demeanor so courteous and obliging1 that many of them who had little kindness for religion could not but speak well of him4 ,his great wisdom did even command respect3 he had an excellent power over his passions1 and was free from vices which usually attend such an age and place4 ,but all this while he understood little of ,christ1 or his own soul4 ,he studied the heavens and the motion of the sun1 moon1 and stars1 but thought little of ,god1 who made them2 the creature had not led him to the ,creator2 but ,god1 when he was about eighteen years old shone in upon his soul with power2 and convinced him what a poor thing it was to know so much of the heavens and never come there4 ,he now thought ,mr4 ,bolton had reason to say1 ,give me the most magnificent glorious worldling1 that ever trod upon earthly mould1 richly crowned with all the ornaments and excellencies of nature1 art1 policy1 preferment1 or what heart can wish besides2 yet without the life of grace1 to animate and ennoble them1 he were to the eye of heavenly wisdom1 but as a rotten carcase1 stuck over with flowers1 magnified dung1 guilded rotteness1 golden damnation4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his conversion and carriage when fellow of the college4 duplicate word 8the0 removed ,,the great work of conversion1 was not carried on upon his soul1 in that dreadful manner that it is upon some1 but the ,lord was pleased1 sweetly1 to unlock his heart1 by the exemplary life1 and heavenly discourse of a young man in the college whose heart ,god had inflamed with love to his soul4 ,he quickly made an attempt upon this young man1 and the ,spirit of ,god set home his councils with such power1 that they proved effectual for his awakening2 being accompanied with the preaching of ,dr4 ,hill1 and ,dr4 ,arrowsmith1 together with the reading of ,mr4 ,baxter's ,saints ,everlasting ,rest4 8carcarried0 replaced with 8carried0 ,now a mighty alteration might be discerned in him4 ,he did not taste so much sweetness in those kind of studies1 which he so greedily employed himself in as formerly4 ,he began to pity them who were curious in their enquiries after every thing1 but that which is most needful1 ,christ1 and themselves2 and that which sometimes was his gain he now counted loss for ,christ4 ,not that he looked upon human learning as useless2 but when not improved for ,christ8 ,he looked upon wisdom as folly1 and learning as madness1 and that which would make one more like the devil4 8where0 replaced with 8were0 ,mr4 ,janeway now considered how he might best improve what he did know1 and turn all his studies into the right channel3 grace did not take him off from1 but made him more diligent and spiritual in his study4 ,and now ,christ was at the end of every thing3 how did he contrive how he might most express his love and thankfulness to him who had brought him out of darkness into his marvellous light6 ,to this end he sent up and down packets of letters1 in which1 he discoursed so substantially of the great things of ,god1 that it would not at all have unbecome some grey head to have owned what he wrote4 ,he was not a little like ,elihu1 in whose words he used to excuse his freedom with persons of years4 ,he said1 days should speak1 and multitude of years should teach wisdom2 but there is a spirit in a man1 and the inspiration of the ,almighty giveth them understanding2 ,i am full of matter1 the spirit within me constraineth me3 behold my belly is as wine which hath no vent1 it is ready to burst like new bottles1 ,i will speak that ,i may be refreshed4 ,he could not but speak the things which he had seen and heard1 and invite all the world1 to taste and see how good the ,lord is4 ,he began first with his relations1 begging them to think of their immortal souls1 and to lay in speedy provisions for eternity4 ,and what pathetic expressions did he use1 what vehement expostulations8 ,read what his language was 7when he was between eighteen and nineteen years old7 in a letter to a friend that had the care of many children4 ,,sir1 ,,your charge is great upon a temporal account1 but greater upon a spiritual4 ,out of an earnest desire of the good of souls and your own joy and peace1 ,i importunately request that you should have a great care of your children1 and be often dropping in some wholesome admonitions2 and this ,i humbly1 with submission to your judgment in it1 commend to you3 not to admonish them always together1 but likewise privately one by one4 ,wherein you may please to press upon them natural corruption1 the necessity of regeneration1 the excellency of ,christ1 and how unspeakably lovely it is to see young ones setting out for heaven4 ,this way ,i think may do most good1 having had experience of it myself in some small measure2 ,god grant that all may work for the edifying of those who are committed to you4 ,i leave you under the protection of him that hath loved us1 and given himself for us4 8their0 replaced with 8them0 per ,errata ,when he was about twenty years old1 he was made fellow of the college1 which did not a little advance those noble projects which he had for the interest of the ,lord ,christ4 ,then how sweetly would he insinuate into the young ones desiring to carry as many of them as possible with him to heaven4 ,many attempts he made upon some of the same house1 that he might season them with grace1 and animate those who were looking towards heaven4 ,and as for his own relations1 never was there a more compassionate and tender-hearted brother4 ,how many pathetical letters did he send to them6 ,and how did he follow them with prayers and tears4 ,read what his heart was1 in the following lines4 8,distance of place cannot at all lessen that natural bond1 whereby we are conjoined in blood1 neither ought to lessen that of love4 ,nay1 where true love is1 it cannot2 for love towards you ,i can only say this1 that ,i feel it better than ,i can express it3 but love felt and not expressed is little worth4 ,i therefore desire to make my love manifest in the best way ,i can4 ,let us look upon one another not as brethren only1 but as members of the same body whereof ,christ is the head4 ,let us therefore hunger after him1 so that our close knot may meet in ,christ3 if we are in ,christ1 and ,christ in us1 then we shall be one with each other4 ,you cannot complain for want of instruction1 ,god hath not been to us a dry wilderness2 you have had line upon line1 and precept upon precept3 he hath planted you by the rivers of water4 ,it is the ,lord indeed who maketh fruitful1 but yet we are not to stand and do nothing4 ,there is a crown worth looking for2 seek therefore1 and that earnestly4 ,oh6 seek by continual prayer1 keep your soul in a praying frame1 this is a great and necessary duty3 nay1 a high and precious privilege4 ,if thou canst say nothing1 come and lay thyself in an humble manner before the ,lord4 ,you may believe me1 for ,i have experienced what ,i say4 ,there is more sweetness in one glimpse of ,god's love1 than in all that the world can afford4 ,oh6 do but try2 taste and see how good the ,lord is4 ,get into a corner and throw yourself down before the ,lord1 and beg of ,god to make you sensible of your lost state by nature1 and of the excellency and necessity of ,christ4 ,say1 ,lord give me a broken heart1 soften and melt me4 ,any thing in the world1 so ,i may be enabled to value ,christ1 and to accept of him1 as he is tendered in the gospel4 ,o that ,i may be delivered from the wrath to come6 ,oh6 a blessing for me1 even for me6 ,and resolve not to be content till the ,lord have in some measure answered you4 ,my bowels yearn towards you4 ,oh6 that you did but know with what affection ,i write now1 and what prayers and tears are mingled with these lines6 ,the ,lord set these things home1 and give you an heart to apply them6 ,give me leave to deal plainly1 for ,i love your soul so well1 that ,i cannot bear the thoughts of the loss of it4 ,know this1 that except a man be born again1 he cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven2 ,god's favour is not to be recovered without it4 ,this new birth hath its foundation laid in a sense of sin1 a godly sorrow for it1 and a heart set against it2 without this there can be no salvation4 ,look well about you1 and see into yourself1 and thou wilt see that thou art at hell's mouth without this first step1 and nothing but free-grace and pure mercy is between you and the state of the devils4 ,the ,lord deliver us from a secure careless heart6 ,here you see a natural man's condition4 ,how darest thou then lie down in security4 ,oh6 look about for your soul's sake4 ,repentance itself may lose its labour1 if it be not in the right manner4 ,tears and groans1 and prayers will not do without ,christ4 ,most1 when they are convinced of sin1 and are under fears of hell1 reform something1 and thus the wound is healed1 and by this thousands fall short of heaven4 ,for if we be not brought off from ourselves1 and our righteousness as well as our sins1 we are never like to be saved4 ,we must see an absolute need of ,christ1 and give ourselves up to him1 and count all but dung and dross in comparison of ,christ's righteousness4 ,look therefore for mercy only in ,christ1 for his sake rely upon ,god's mercy4 ,the terms of the gospel are1 repent and believe2 gracious terms6 ,mercy for fetching1 nay1 mercy for desiring1 nay1 for nothing but receiving4 ,dost thou desire mercy and grace8 ,i know thou dost4 ,even this is the gift of ,god to desire1 hunger after ,christ2 let desires put you upon endeavour1 the work itself is sweet3 yea1 repentance and mourning itself hath more sweetness in it1 than all the world's comforts4 ,upon repentance and believing comes justification1 after this sanctification1 by the spirit dwelling in us4 ,by this we come to be the children of ,god1 to be made partakers of the divine nature1 to have a suitableness to ,god40 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,his great love to prayer4 ,,he was mighty in prayer1 and his spirit was oftentimes so transported in it that he forgot the weakness of his own body4 ,indeed the acquaintance he had with ,god was so sweet1 and his converse with him so frequent1 that when he was engaged in duty1 he scarce knew how to leave off4 ,his constant course for some years was this4 ,he prayed at least three times a day in secret1 sometimes seven times1 twice a day in the family or college4 ,and he found the sweetness of it beyond imagination and enjoyed wonderful communion with ,god4 ,he could say by experience1 that the ways of wisdom were ways of pleasantness1 and all her paths peace4 ,he knew what it was to wrestle with ,god1 and he could scarce come off his knees1 without his blessing4 ,he was used to converse with ,god1 with a holy familiarity as a friend1 and would upon all occasions run to him for advice1 and had many strange and immediate answers of prayer4 ,one of which ,i think it not impertinent to give an account of4 ,his father ,mr4 ,william ,janeway1 minister of ,kelshall in ,hertfordshire1 being sick1 and under dark apprehensions as to the state of his soul1 he would often say to his son ,john3 8,oh6 ,son6 ,this passing into eternity is a great thing1 this dying is a solemn business1 and enough to make one's heart ake1 that hath not his evidences for heaven clear4 ,and truly1 son1 ,i am under no small fears1 as to my own estate for another world4 ,oh6 ,that ,god would clear his love6 ,oh6 that ,i could say chearfully1 ,i can upon good grounds be able to look death in the face1 and venture upon eternity with well grounded peace and comfort40 ,seeing his father continuing under despondings of spirit 7though no ,christians that knew him but had a high esteem of his uprightness7 he got by himself and spent sometime in wrestling with ,god1 earnestly begging that he would speedily give him some token for good1 that he might joyfully and honourably leave this world4 ,after he was risen from his knees1 he came down to his father1 and asked him1 how he felt himself4 ,his father made no answer for sometime1 but wept exceedingly1 7a passion he was not subject to7 and continued for some considerable time weeping1 so that he was not able to speak4 ,but at last having recovered himself1 he burst out3 8,o6 ,son6 now it is come1 it is come1 it is come3 ,i bless ,god ,i can die2 the spirit of ,god hath witnessed with my spirit that ,i am his child4 ,now ,i can look up to ,god as my dear ,father1 and ,christ as my redeemer2 ,i can now say1 this is my friend1 and this is my beloved4 ,my heart is full1 it is brim full1 ,i can hold no more4 ,i know now what that sentence means1 ,the peace of ,god which passeth understanding2 ,i know now what that white stone is wherein a new name is written1 which none know but them that have it1 and that fit of weeping which you saw me in1 was from overpowering love and joy1 so great that ,i could not contain myself3 neither can ,i express what glorious discoveries ,god hath made of himself to me4 ,and had that joy been greater1 ,i question whether it would not have separated soul and body4 ,bless the ,lord ,o my soul1 and all that is within me1 bless his holy name1 that hath pardoned all my sins1 and sealed the pardon4 ,he hath healed my wounds1 and caused the bones which he had broken to rejoice4 ,oh6 help me to bless the ,lord1 he hath put a new song into my mouth3 now ,i can die6 ,it is nothing1 ,i bless ,god ,i can die4 ,i desire to be dissolved and to be with ,christ40 ,you may well think his son's heart was not a little refreshed to meet the messenger that he had sent to heaven returned back so speedily4 ,after the death of his father1 he did what he could to supply his absence1 doing the part of a husband1 son1 and brother2 so that he was no small comfort to his poor mother in her disconsolate state1 and all the rest of his relations1 that had any sense of ,god upon their spirits4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,his return to ,king's-college after his father's death and his temptations4 ,,when his father was dead he returned again to ,king's-college1 and was a member of a society1 which began to contrive how they might best be serviceable to ,god and their generation4 ,their custom was frequently to meet together1 to pray and to communicate studies and experiences4 ,some of this company grew cold1 but others lived to let the world see1 that what they did was from a vital principle3 among whom1 this young man was none of the least4 ,one of their designs was to engage the ,juniors1 if possible1 before they were ensnared by wicked company1 when they came from school4 ,after some time1 most of his dear companions were transplanted either into gentlemen's families or livings1 and ,mr4 ,janeway1 being one of the youngest1 was1 for a while1 left alone in the ,college4 ,but wanting suitable society1 he fixed so intensely upon his studies1 that he soon gave an incurable wound to his constitution4 ,but he had his gloomy days1 and his sweets were sometimes imbittered with dreadful and horrid temptations4 ,the devil shot his poisonous arrows at him3 yet through the captain of his salvation1 he came off more than conqueror4 ,it would make a ,christian's heart even ake to hear what strange temptations he was exercised with4 ,but he was well armed for such a conflict1 having the shield of faith1 whereby he quenched the fiery darts of that wicked one3 yet1 this fight cost him the sweating of his body for agonies of spirit2 and tears and strong cries to heaven4 ,as for himself1 he was wont to take an arrow out of ,god's quiver1 and discharge it by faith and prayer1 for the discomfiture of his violent enemy1 who at last was fain to fly4 ,these conflicts with ,satan1 did not a little help him dealing with them that are afflicted with the like temptations4 ,i insert a letter of his to one in the like case4 8in0 replaced with 8him0 per ,errata ,dear ,friend1 #8,you say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts3 so then1 though they are blasphemous1 yet they are your trouble2 and neither sent for1 nor welcome4 ,what then shall we think of them8 ,if they were your own production1 your heart would be delighted in its own issue1 but it is nothing less4 ,they are the injections of that wicked one1 who is the accuser of the brethren1 and the disturber of the peace of the people of ,god4 ,but ,satan uses only to employ those weapons against those he is in fear of losing8 ,he is not wont to assault and fight against his friends in this manner4 ,those that he hath fast1 he leads on as softly and quietly as he can2 fearing lest they should awake1 and see their danger3 but those that have in some measure escaped his snares1 he follows hard1 with all the discouragements he can4 ,these things are no other but a bitter relish of those things1 which you know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the ,lord is4 ,what then shall ,i call these motions of your mind8 ,they are the soul's loathing the morsels which ,satan would have it swallow3 but you will say1 if these horrible thoughts be not your sin1 yet they are your misery4 ,and you will ask1 ,how shall ,i get free from them8 ,first1 ,see that you possess your soul in patience3 know that ,god hath an over-ruling hand in all this3 and wait upon him1 for he can and will bring good out of all this evil4 ,at present you see no light3 yet1 ,trust in the ,lord1 and stay yourself upon your ,god4 ,can ,christ forget the purchase of his own blood8 ,can a mother forget her sucking child8 ,yet1 ,god cannot forget his4 ,god hath gracious intents in all this1 and his bowels yearn towards you4 ,yea1 our ,saviour suffers with us1 through his ardent love by sympathy1 as well as he hath suffered for us4 ,and you know he hath all power in his hand4 ,this power is made yours through the prayer of faith3 but for your own work1 do this4 #8,first1 ,let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind1 but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can3 yet not with so much trouble and disturbance of mind as ,i believe you do4 ,for by this the devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor4 #8,secondly1 ,always divert your thoughts to some good thing1 and let those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation4 ,think the quite contrary1 or fall a praying with earnestness2 and the devil will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken1 and that those sparks of hell 7which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption17 set faith and prayer a working4 #8,thirdly1 ,consider that this is no new thing2 if any soul hath escaped out of darkness1 if he will have heaven1 he shall have it with as much trouble1 as the devil can lay on2 but1 blessed be ,god1 he cannot pluck us out of these almighty arms4' ,his love to ,christ and souls1 made him very desirous to spend1 and be spent in the work of the ministry4 ,accordingly he complied with the first clear call to preach the everlasting gospel4 ,and though he was but two and twenty years old1 yet he came to that work like one that understood what preaching was4 ,he was a workman that needed not be ashamed1 that was thoroughly furnished for every good word and work2 one that hated sin with a perfect hatred1 and loved holiness with all his soul2 one that knew the terrors of the ,lord1 and how to beseech sinners in ,christ's stead to be reconciled unto ,god3 one1 in whom learning and holiness did as it were strive which could excel4 ,he never preached publicly but twice2 but he came to it1 as if he had been used to it forty years2 delivering the word of ,god with that power and majesty1 with that tenderness and compassion1 with that readiness and freedom1 that it made his hearers amazed4 ,he spoke nothing to others but what was the language of his heart1 and the fruit of great experience1 and which one might easily perceive had no small impression first upon his own spirit4 ,his first and last sermons were upon communion with ,god1 out of ,job xxii4 #ba4 ,a subject that few ,christians under heaven were better able to manage than himself3 for he did for some time maintain such an intimate familiarity with ,god1 that he seemed to converse with him as a friend with another4 ,this he began whilst he was here3 but the perfecting his acquaintance with ,god1 was a work for another world4 ,he kept an exact watch over his thoughts1 words and actions1 and made a review of all1 at least once a day4 ,he kept a diary1 in which he set down every evening what the frame of his spirit had been all the day1 especially in every duty4 ,he took notice what profit he received2 what returns from that far country2 what answers of prayer1 what deadness and flatness1 and what observable providences4 ,he set down the substance of what he had been doing3 and any wanderings of thoughts1 or passion4 ,it cannot be conceived by them who do not practise this1 to what a good account it turned4 ,this made him retain a grateful remembrance of mercy1 and live in a constant adoring of divine goodness2 this brought him to a very intimate acquaintance with his own heart2 kept his spirit low1 and fitted him for free communications from ,god2 this made him more lively and active2 helped him to walk humbly with ,god2 and made him speak more affectionately and experimentally to others of the things of ,god4 ,in a word1 this left a sweet calm upon his spirits1 because he every night made even his accounts2 and if his sheets should prove his winding-sheet1 it had been all one2 for his work was done2 so that death could not surprize him4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,an account of the latter part of his life4 ,,for the latter part of his life1 he lived like a man that was quite weary of the world1 and that looked upon himself as a stranger here1 and lived in the constant sight of a better4 ,he plainly declared himself but a pilgrim that looked for a better country1 a city that had foundations1 whose builder and maker was ,god4 ,his habit1 his language1 his deportment1 all spoke him one of another world4 ,his meditations were so intense1 long1 and frequent1 that they ripened him apace for heaven4 ,few attain to such a holy contempt of the world1 and to such a clear1 joyful constant apprehension of the world that is to come4 ,he made it his whole business to grow into an humble familiarity with ,god1 and to maintain it4 ,and if by reason of company1 or any necessary business1 this was in any measure interrupted1 he would complain like one out of his element1 till his spirit was recovered into a delightful1 unmixed1 free intercourse with ,god4 ,he was never so well satisfied1 as when he was more immediately engaged in what brought him nearer to ,god2 and by this he constantly enjoyed those comforts1 which others rarely meet with4 ,his graces and experiences toward his end grew to astonishment4 ,he was oft brought into the banqueting-house1 and there ,christ's banner over him was love4 ,his eyes beheld the king in his beauty3 he had frequent visions of glory1 and lay in the bosom of his master4 ,he was even sick of love1 and could say to the world1 ,o taste and see6 ,and to ,christians1 ,come and ,i will tell you what ,god hath done for my soul4 ,o what do ,christians mean that they do no more to get their senses spiritually exercised8 ,little do people think what they slight1 when they are formal in secret duties1 and when they neglect that great duty of meditation4 ,did they but know the thousandth part of that sweetness that is in ,christ1 they could not choose but follow him hard2 they would run and not be weary2 and walk and not be faint4 ,in the midst of all worldly comforts he longed for death2 and the thoughts of the day of judgment made all his enjoyments sweeter4 ,o1 how did he long for the coming of ,christ6 ,whilst some have been discoursing by him of that great and terrible day of the ,lord1 he would smile1 and humbly express his delight in the forethought of its approach4 ,i remember once1 one had foretold that doomsday should be upon such a day3 although he blamed their daring folly1 yet granting their suspicion to be true1 he said1 what if the day of judgment were to come1 as it certainly will come shortly8 ,if ,i were sure it were to begin within an hour1 ,i should be glad with all my heart4 ,if at this instant ,i should hear such thunderings1 and see such lightnings1 as ,israel did at mount ,sinai1 my very heart would leap for joy4 ,through infinite mercy1 the very meditation of that day ravishes my soul1 and the thought of the nearness of it is more refreshing than the comforts of the whole world4 ,surely nothing can more revive my spirits than to behold the blessed ,jesus1 the joy1 and life of my soul4 ,would it not more rejoice me than ,joseph's waggons did old ,jacob8 ,i lately dreamed that the day of judgment was come4 ,methought ,i heard terrible cracks of thunder1 and saw dreadful lightnings2 the foundations of the earth shook1 and the heavens were rolled together as a garment2 methought ,i saw the graves opened1 and the earth and sea giving up their dead2 ,i saw millions of angels1 and ,christ coming in clouds4 ,i beheld the ,ancient of ,days sitting upon his throne1 and all other thrones cast down4 ,i beheld him whose garments were white as snow1 and the hair of his head like pure wool3 ,his throne was like the fiery flame1 and his wheels as burning fire2 ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him2 and the judgment was set and the books were opened4 ,oh with what an extasy of joy was ,i surprized6 ,it was the most heart-raising sight that ever my eyes beheld3 ,i cried out1 ,i have waited for thy salvation ,o ,god2 and mounted into the air1 to meet my ,lord4 ,this was the condition of ,mr4 ,janeway for about three years before he died4 ,he had some clouds2 but he usually walked in a sweet1 even1 humble serenity of spirit2 having his heart fixed upon that rock that neither waves nor winds could shake4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,his last sickness and death4 ,,he now fell into a deep consumption2 but1 this messenger of ,god did not in the least damp him4 ,spitting of blood1 was no ghastly thing to one who had his eye upon the blood of ,jesus2 faint sweats did not daunt him that had always such reviving cordials at hand4 ,it was matter of joy to him1 that he was now in hopes of having his earnest desires satisfied4 ,after he had been a while sick1 a hidden dimness seized upon his eyes3 by and by his sight quite failed2 and there was such a visible alteration in him1 that he and others judged these things to be the symptoms of death approaching4 ,but when he was thus taken he was not in the least surprized2 but was lifted up with joy to think what a life he was going to1 looking upon death itself as one of his fathers servants1 and his friend1 that was sent as a messenger to conduct him safely to his glorious palace4 ,but it pleased the ,lord to raise him again a little out of his fainting fit1 for his ,master had yet more work for him to do4 ,although his outward man decayed apace1 yet he was renewed in the inward man day by day3 his graces were never more active1 and his experience never greater4 ,when one would have thought1 it had been enough for him to grapple with his pains1 he quite forgot his weakness3 and was so swallowed up of the life to come1 that he had scarce leisure to think of his sickness4 ,for several weeks together1 ,i never heard the least word that savoured of any complaint or weariness under the hand of ,god4 ,now was the time when one might have seen heaven and the glory of another world realized to sense4 ,his faith grew exceedingly1 and his love was proportionable1 and his joys were equal to both4 ,it was a very heaven upon earth1 to hear and see a man admiring ,god at such a rate4 ,those that did not see1 cannot well conceive1 what a sweet frame he was in1 for at least six weeks before he died4 ,his soul was almost always filled with those joys unspeakable and full of glory4 ,how oft would he cry out1 8,oh1 that ,i could let you know what ,i now feel6 ,oh1 that ,i could shew you what ,i see6 ,oh that ,i could express the thousandth part of that sweetness that ,i find in ,christ6 ,you would all think it well worth the while to make it your business to be religious4 ,oh my dear friends1 we little think what ,christ is worth upon a death bed4 ,i would not for a world1 nay for millions of worlds1 be now without ,christ1 and a pardon4 ,i would not for a world be to live any longer3 the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery1 make me tremble40 ,when one came to visit him1 and told him1 that he hoped it might please ,god to raise him again4 ,and do you think to please me 7said he7 by such discourse as this8 ,no1 friend1 you are much mistaken if you think that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me4 ,the world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgment4 ,how poor a thing is it in all its glory compared with that world which ,i now live in the sight of6 ,and as for life1 ,christ is my life1 health1 and strength2 and ,i know1 ,i shall have another kind of life1 when ,i leave this4 ,i tell you it would incomparably more please me1 if you should say to me1 8before to-morrow you will be in eternity40 ,i so long to be with ,christ1 that ,i could be contented to be cut in pieces1 so ,i might but die and be with him4 ,oh how sweet is ,jesus6 ,come ,lord ,jesus1 come quickly4 ,death do thy worst6 ,death hath lost it terribleness4 ,death1 it is nothing1 ,i say1 death is nothing 7through grace7 to me4 ,i can as easily die as shut my eyes1 to turn my head and sleep3 ,i long to be with ,christ2 ,i long to die6 ,his mother and brethren standing by him he said2 8,dear mother1 ,i beseech you1 that you would chearfully give me up to ,christ2 do not hinder me1 now ,i am going to rest in glory4 ,i am afraid of your prayers1 lest they pull one way1 and mine another40 ,and then turning to his brethren1 he said1 8,i charge you do not pray for my life2 you do me wrong if you do4 ,oh that glory1 the unspeakable glory that ,i behold6 ,my heart is full1 my heart is full4 ,christ smiles1 and ,i cannot chuse but smile3 can you find in your heart to stop me1 who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of ,christ8 ,would you keep me from my crown8 ,the arms of my blessed ,saviour are open to embrace me2 the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom4 ,oh1 did you but see what ,i see1 you would all cry out with me1 how long1 dear ,lord2 come1 ,lord ,jesus1 come quickly6 oh1 why are his chariot-wheels so long a coming60 ,a minister came often to him1 and discoursed with him of the excellency of ,christ1 and the glory of the invisible world4 ,sir1 said he1 ,i feel something of it2 my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state2 ,i can hold no more here4 ,oh that ,i could let you know what ,i feel6 ,this holy minister praying with him1 his soul was ravished with the abundant incomes of light1 life1 and love2 so that he could scarce bear the thought of staying longer in the world1 but longed to be in such a condition1 wherein he should be better able to bear that weight of glory2 some manifestations whereof did almost sink his weak body4 ,indeed had he not been sustained by a great power1 his very joys would have overwhelmed him4 ,while he was in these extasies of joy and love1 he was wont to cry out3 #8,who am ,i1 ,lord1 who am ,i1 that thou shouldst be mindful of me6 ,why me1 ,lord1 why me6 ,oh1 what shall ,i say unto thee1 thou preserver of men6 ,oh why me1 ,lord1 why me6 ,if thou wilt look upon such a poor worm1 who can hinder6 ,who would not love thee6 ,oh blessed ,father8 ,how sweet and gracious hast thou been unto me6' 99#8,stand astonished1 ye heavens1 and wonder1 ,o ye angels1 at his infinite grace6 ,was ever any under heaven more beholding to free grace than ,i8 ,doth ,god use to do thus with his creatures8 ,admire him for ever and ever1 ,oh ye redeemed ones6 ,oh those joys1 the taste of which ,i have6 ,the everlasting joys1 which are at his right hand for evermore6 ,eternity1 eternity itself is too short to praise this ,god in4 ,o bless the ,lord with me1 come let us shout for joy1 and boast in the ,god of our salvation4 ,oh1 help me to praise the ,lord1 for his mercy endureth for ever4' ,one of his brethren 7that had formerly been wrought upon by his holy exhortations7 praying with him1 and seeing him 7as he apprehended7 near his dissolution1 desired that the ,lord would be pleased to continue those astonishing comforts to the last moment1 that he might go from one heaven to another2 and when his work was done here1 might have an easy and triumphant passage to rest4 ,mean time he talked as if he had been in the third heaven1 and broke out3 #8,oh1 he is come6 ,he is come6 ,o how sweet6 ,how glorious is the blessed ,jesus6 ,what shall ,i do to speak the thousandth part of his praises6 ,oh for words1 to set out a little of that excellency6 ,but it is inexpressible6 ,oh how excellent1 glorious and lovely is the precious ,jesus6 ,he is sweet1 he is altogether lovely6 ,and now ,i am sick of love1 he hath ravished my soul with his beauty6 ,i shall die sick of love6 #8,oh my friends1 stand by and wonder1 come look upon a dying man1 and wonder2 ,i cannot myself but stand and wonder6 ,was there ever a greater kindness2 was there ever sensibler manifestations of rich grace6 ,oh1 why me6 ,lord1 why me6 ,sure this is akin to heaven1 and if ,i were never to enjoy any more than this3 it were well worth all the torments that men and devils could invent1 to come through even hell to such transcendent joys4 ,if this be dying1 let no true ,christian ever be afraid of dying4 ,oh death is sweet to me4 ,this bed is soft4 ,christ's arms and kisses1 his smiles and visits1 would turn hell into heaven4 ,oh that you did but see and feel what ,i do6 ,come and behold a dying man1 more chearful than ever you saw an healthful man in the midst of his sweetest enjoyments4 ,oh ,sirs1 worldly pleasures are poor1 sorry things1 compared with one glimpse of this glory1 which shines in so strongly into my soul6 ,oh why should any of you be so sad1 when ,i am glad3 this1 this is the hour that ,i have waited for6' ,about eight and forty hours before his death1 his eyes were dim1 and his sight failed2 his jaws shook and trembled1 and his feet were cold1 and all the symptoms of death were upon him4 ,his extreme parts were already dead1 and yet1 his joys were 7if possible7 greater still4 ,he seemed to be in one continued act of seraphic love and praise4 ,he spake like one that was just entring into the gates of the new ,jerusalem3 the greatest part of him was now in heaven2 not a word dropt from his mouth but it breathed ,christ and heaven4 ,then he would give instructions to them that came to see him4 ,he was scarce ever silent1 because the love of ,christ and souls constrained him4 ,there was so much work done for ,christ in his last hours1 that he did as much in one hour as some do in a year4 ,every person had a faithful affectionate warning4 ,and that good minister1 that was so much with him1 used this as an argument to persuade him to be willing to live a little longer1 8,god hath something for thee to do that is yet undone2 some word of exhortation to some poor soul1 that you have forgot40 ,he was wont every evening to take his leave of his friends1 hoping not to see them till the morning of the resurrection2 and he desired that they would make sure of a comfortable meeting at our ,father's house in that other world4 ,when ,ministers or ,christians came to him1 he would beg of them to spend all the time they had with him in praise4 #8,o help me to praise ,god1 ,i have nothing to do from this time to eternity1 but to praise and love ,god4 ,i have what my soul desires upon earth2 ,i cannot tell what to pray for1 but what ,i have graciously given4' ,the wants that are capable of supplying in this world1 are supplied4 ,i want but one thing1 and that is1 a speedy lift to heaven4 ,i expect no more here1 ,i can't desire more1 ,i can't hear more4 ,oh praise1 praise1 praise that infinite boundless love that hath1 to a wonder1 looked upon my soul4 #8,help me1 ,o my friends1 to praise and admire him that hath done such astonishing wonders for my soul3 he hath pardoned all my sins1 he hath filled me with his goodness2 he hath given me grace and glory1 and no good thing hath he withheld from me4 #8,come1 help me with praises1 all are too little3 come1 help me1 ,oh ye glorious and mighty angels1 who are so well skilled in this heavenly work4 ,praise him1 all ye creatures upon earth1 let every thing that hath being1 help me to praise him1 hallelujah1 hallelujah1 hallelujah3 praise is now my work1 and ,i shall be engaged in that sweet employment for ever4 ,bring the bible1 turn to ,david's psalms1 and let us sing a psalm of praise3 come let us lift up our voice in the praise of the ,most ,high2 ,i with you as long as my breath doth last1 and when ,i have none1 ,i shall do it better4' ,then turning to some of his friends that were weeping1 he desired them rather to rejoice than weep4 ,it may seem a wonder1 he could speak so much as he did when he was so weak2 but the joy of the ,lord strengthened him4 ,he commended the study of the promises to believers1 and desired that they would be sure to make good their claim to them1 and then they might come to the wells of consolation and drink thereof their fill4 ,according to his desire most of the time that was spent with him1 was spent in praise2 and he would be still calling out1 more praise still4 #8,o help me to praise him2 ,i have now nothing else to do2 ,i have done with prayer and all other ordinances2 ,i have almost done conversing with mortals4 ,i shall presently be beholding ,christ himself1 that died for me1 and loved me1 and washed me in his blood4 #8,i shall1 before a few hours are over1 be in eternity1 singing the song of ,moses1 and of the ,lamb4 ,i shall presently stand upon mount ,zion1 with an innumerable company of angels1 and the spirits of the just made perfect1 and ,jesus the mediator of the new covenant4 ,i shall hear the voice of much people1 and be one amongst them1 which shall say1 hallelujah1 salvation1 glory1 honour1 and power unto the ,lord our ,god2 and again1 we shall say1 hallelujah4 ,yet a very little while1 and ,i shall sing unto the ,lamb1 saying1 worthy1 art thou to receive praise who wert slain1 and hast redeemed us to ,god by thy blood1 out of every kindred1 and tongue1 and people1 and nation1 and hast made us unto our ,god1 kings1 and priests1 and we shall reign with thee for ever and ever4 #8,methinks1 ,i stand1 as it were1 with one foot in heaven1 and the other upon earth4 ,methinks ,i hear the melody of heaven1 and see the angels waiting to carry my soul to the bosom of ,jesus1 ,i shall be for ever with the ,lord in glory4 ,and who can chuse but rejoice in all this8' ,the day before his death1 he looked earnestly on his brother ,james1 who stood by him very sad2 of whom he judged1 that he was putting up some ejaculation to ,god upon his account3 ,i thank thee1 my dear brother1 for thy love1 said he1 thou art now praying for me2 and ,i know thou hast loved me dearly3 but ,christ loved me ten thousand times more than thou dost2 come and kiss me dear brother1 before ,i die4 ,and so with his cold1 dying lips he kissed him1 and said1 ,i shall go before1 and ,i hope thou shalt follow after to glory4 ,though he was almost always praising ,god1 and exhorting them that were about him to mind their everlasting concerns1 and though he slept but very little for some nights1 yet he was not in the least impaired in his intellectuals1 but his actions were all decent and becoming1 and his discourse rational1 solid1 divine4 ,and so he continued to the last minute4 ,a few hours before his death he called all his relations together1 that he might give them one solemn warning more2 and bless them1 and pray for them as his breath and strength would give him leave3 which he did with abundance of authority1 affection and spirituality4 ,first1 he thanked his dear mother for her tender love to him1 and desired that she might be in travail to see ,christ formed in the souls of the rest of her children1 and might see of the travail of her soul1 and meet them with joy in that great day4 ,then he charged all his brethren and sisters as they would answer it before ,god1 to carry it dutiful to their dear mother4 ,and for his eldest brother ,william 7at whose house he lay sick7 his prayer was that he might be swallowed up of ,christ and love to souls2 and be more and more exemplary in his life and successful in his ministry4 ,his next brother's name was ,andrew1 a citizen of ,london1 who was with him sometimes2 but 7his necessary business calling him away7 he could not then be by4 ,yet he was not forgot1 but he was thus blessed1 ,the ,god of heaven remember my poor brother at ,london2 the ,lord make him truly rich in giving him the pearl of great price1 and make him a fellow citizen with the saints1 and of the houshold of ,god2 the ,lord deliver him from the sins of that city2 may the world be kept out of his heart4 ,oh that he may be as his name is1 a strong man1 and that ,i may meet him with you4 ,then he called his next brother whose name was ,james 7whom ,god had made him a spiritual father to7 and said brother ,james1 ,i hope the ,lord hath given thee a goodly heritage2 the lines are fallen to thee in pleasant places3 the ,lord is thy portion4 ,i hope the ,lord hath shewed thee the worth of ,christ4 ,hold on1 dear brother2 ,christ1 heaven and glory1 are worth striving for2 the ,lord give thee more abundance of his grace4 ,then his next brother ,abraham was called1 to whom he spake to this purpose1 the blessing of the ,god of ,abraham rest upon thee1 the ,lord make thee a father of many spiritual children4 ,his fifth brother was ,joseph1 whom he blessed in this manner2 ,let him bless thee1 ,oh ,joseph1 that blessed him that was separated from his brethren4 ,o that his everlasting arms may take hold on thee6 ,it is enough1 if yet thou mayest live in his sight4 ,my heart hath been working toward thee poor ,joseph2 and ,i am not without hopes1 that the arms of the ,almighty will embrace thee4 ,the ,god of thy father bless thee with the blessing of heaven above4 ,the next was his sister ,mary1 to whom he spoke thus1 poor sister ,mary1 thy body is weak and thy days will be filled with bitterness2 thy name is ,marah2 the ,lord sweeten all with his grace and peace1 and give thee health in thy soul4 ,be patient1 make sure of ,christ1 and all is well4 8he0 replaced with 8be0 ,then his other sister whose name was ,sarah was called2 whom he thus blessed1 ,sister ,sarah1 thy body is strong and healthful3 ,oh that thy soul may be so too6 ,the ,lord make thee first a wise virgin1 and then a mother in ,israel2 a pattern of modesty1 humility1 and holiness4 ,then another brother1 ,jacob was called1 whom he blessed after this manner2 ,the ,lord make thee an ,israelite indeed1 in whom there is no guile6 ,oh that thou mayest learn to wrestle with ,god1 and like a prince mayest prevail1 and not go without a blessing4 ,then he prayed for his youngest brother ,benjamin1 who was then but an infant2 ,poor little ,benjamin1 ,o that the ,father of the fatherless1 would take care of the poor child1 that thou1 which never sawest thy father upon earth1 mayest see him with joy in heaven2 ,the ,lord be thy ,father1 and portion3 mayest thou prove the son of thy mother's right hand1 and the joy of her age4 #8,o that none of us all may be found amongst the unconverted in the day of judgment6 ,oh that every one of us may appear 7with our honoured father and dear mother7 before ,christ with joy1 that they may say1 ,lord1 here are we1 and the children which thou hast given us4 ,oh that we may live to ,god here1 and live with him hereafter4' 8,and now my dear mother1 brethren and sisters1 farewell2 ,i leave you for awhile and ,i commend you to ,god1 and to the word of his grace1 which is able to build you up1 and to give you an inheritance among all them that are sanctified40 8,and now dear ,lord1 my work is done4 ,i have finished my course1 ,i have fought the good fight2 and henceforth there remaineth for me a crown of righteousness6 ,now come1 dear ,lord ,jesus1 come quickly40 ,then the minister came to give him his last visit1 and to do the office of an inferior angel1 to help to convey his blessed soul to glory4 ,when the minister spake to him1 his heart was in a flame of love1 and joy1 which drew tears of joy from him1 to hear a man just dying1 talk as if he came from the immediate presence of ,god4 ,one might have read grace and glory in his countenance4 ,oh the praise1 the triumphant praises that he put up6 ,and every one must speak praise about him1 or else they made a jar in his harmony4 8of0 replaced with 8if0 per ,errata ,and indeed most did1 as well as they could1 help him in praise4 ,so that ,i never heard1 or knew more praise given to ,god in one room1 than in his chamber4 ,a little before he died1 in the prayer or rather praises1 he was so wrapped up with admiration and joy1 that he could scarce forbear shouting for joy4 ,in the conclusion of the duty1 with abundance of faith and fervency1 he said aloud1 ,amen1 ,amen4 ,and now his desires shall soon be satisfied2 death comes apace to do his office2 his jaws are loosened more and more1 his hands and feet are cold as clay1 and a cold sweat is upon him3 but1 oh how glad was he when he felt his spirit just a going6 never was death more welcome to any mortal4 ,though the pangs of death were strong1 yet that far more exceeding weight of glory1 made him endure bitter pains with much patience and courage4 ,in the extremity of his pains1 he desired his eldest brother to take away one pillow from him that he might die with more ease3 ,his brother replied1 that he durst not for a world1 do any thing that might hasten his death a moment4 ,then he was well satisfied1 and sweetly resigned himself up wholly to ,god's disposal3 and after a few minutes1 he gave himself a little turn on one side1 and departed to the ,lord4 ,oh that all the relations which thou hast left behind thee1 may live thy life1 and die thy death1 and live with ,christ and thee1 for ever and ever4 ,amen1 ,amen4 ,he died ,june1 #afeg1 aged #bcbd1 and was buried in ,kelshall ,church in ,hertfordshire4 ,an ,,extract of the ,,life ,,and ,,death ,,of ,mr4 ,,thomas ,,haliburton4 ,the ,,preface4 #a4 8,,the kingdom of ,god10 saith our blessed ,lord1 8is within you40 ,it is no outward1 no distant thing3 8but a well of living water0 in the soul1 8springing up into everlasting life40 ,it is 8righteousness and peace1 and joy in the ,holy ,ghost40 ,it is holiness and happiness4 #b4 ,the general manner wherein it pleases ,god to set it up in the heart is this4 ,a sinner1 being drawn by the love of the ,father1 enlightened by the ,son 78the true light which lighteth every man that cometh into the world07 and convinced of sin by the ,holy ,ghost2 through the preventing grace which is given him freely1 cometh weary and heavy laden1 and casteth all his sins upon him that is 8mighty to save40 ,he receiveth from him1 true living faith4 ,being justified by faith he hath peace with ,god3 he rejoices in hope of the glory of ,god1 and knows that sin hath no more dominion over him4 ,and the love of ,god is shed abroad in his heart1 producing all holiness of heart and of conversation4 #c4 ,this work of ,god in the soul of man is so described in the following treatise1 as ,i have not seen it in any other1 either antient or modern1 in our own or any other language4 ,so that ,i cannot but value it next to the holy scriptures1 above any other human composition1 excepting only the ,christian pattern1 and the small remains of ,clemens ,romanus1 ,polycarp1 and ,ignatius4 #d4 ,yet this great servant of ,god at some times fell back from the glorious liberty he had received1 into the spirit of fear and sin and bondage4 ,but why was it thus8 ,because the hand of the ,lord was shortened8 ,no verily3 but because he did not abide in ,christ2 because he did not cleave to him with all his heart3 because he grieved the holy ,spirit1 by some1 perhaps undiscerned1 unfaithfulness2 who thereupon for a season departing from him1 left him weak and like another man4 #e4 ,but it may be said1 8,the gospel covenant does not promise entire freedom from sin40 ,what do you mean by the word sin8 ,those numberless weaknesses and follies1 sometimes 7improperly7 termed sins of infirmity8 ,if you mean only this1 we shall not put off these but with our bodies4 ,but if you mean1 8,it does not promise entire freedom from sin1 in its proper sense1 or from committing sin30 this is by no means true1 unless the scripture be false3 for thus it is written3 8whosoever is born of ,god doth not commit sin30 7unless he lose the spirit of adoption1 if not finally1 yet for awhile1 as did this child of ,god7 8for his seed remaineth in him1 and he cannot sin1 because he is born of ,god40 ,he cannot sin so long as 8he keepeth himself20 for then 8that wicked one toucheth him not40 #a ,john iii4 #i1 #e1 #ah4 #f4 ,we see then how to judge of that other assertion1 8,that the mercy of ,god to his sons in ,christ ,jesus1 extends to all infirmities1 follies and sins1 multiplied relapses not excepted40 ,we grant many of the children of ,god find mercy1 notwithstanding multiplied relapses4 ,but tho' it is possible a man may be a child of ,god1 who is not fully freed from sin1 it does not follow that freedom from sin is impossible2 or1 that it is not to be expected by all2 for it is promised4 ,it is described by the ,holy ,ghost as the common privilege of all4 ,and 8,god will be mindful 7,o let us be so67 of his covenant and promise1 which he hath made to a thousand generations40 #g4 ,this caution is necessary to be remembered1 that ye who are weak be not offended4 ,neither be ye offended1 when ye hear the wisdom of the world pronounce all this1 mere enthusiasm3 a hard word1 which most of those who are fondest of it1 no more understand than they do ,arabic4 ,ask1 in the spirit of meekness1 him who calls it so1 8,is the kingdom of ,god set up in your soul8 ,do you feel that peace of ,god which passeth all understanding8 ,do you rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory8 ,is the love of ,god shed abroad in your heart1 by the ,holy ,ghost which dwelleth in you80 ,if not1 you are no judge of these matters4 ,you cannot discern the things of the spirit of ,god4 ,they are enthusiasm1 madness1 foolishness to you3 for they are spiritually discerned4 duplicate word 8than0 removed #h4 ,ask such a one 7but with meekness and love7 8,are you taught of ,god8 ,do you know that he abideth in you8 ,have you the revelation of the ,holy ,ghost 7they are the words of your own church7 inspiring into you the true meaning of scripture80 ,if you have not1 with all your human science and worldly wisdom1 you know nothing yet as you ought to know4 ,whatever you are in other respects1 as to the things of ,god1 you are an unlearned and ignorant man4 ,and if you are unstable too1 you will wrest these1 as you do also the other scriptures1 to your own destruction4 #i4 ,be not then surprized1 ye that wait for peace1 and joy1 and love1 thro' faith in the blood of ,jesus1 that such judges1 as these are continually crying out 8,enthusiasm60 if you speak of the inward operations of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,and as to you who have already peace with ,god1 thro' our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 who now feel his love shed abroad in your hearts1 by the ,holy ,ghost which is given unto you2 with whose spirit the spirit of ,god beareth witness1 that ye are the sons of ,god2 it is your part to confirm your love toward them in all lowliness and meekness3 7for who is it that maketh thee to differ8 ,or what hast thou1 which thou hast not received87 ,and to plead earnestly for them at the throne of grace1 that the day-star may appear in their hearts also1 and the sun of righteousness at length arise upon them1 with healing in his wings6 ,london1 ,february #i1 #agchi4 ,,john ,,wesley4 ,,part ,i4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,a short account of his birth and life1 till ten years of age4 #a4 ,,mr4 ,thomas ,haliburton1 was born at ,duplin1 in the parish of ,aberdalgy1 7of which his father was sometime minister7 on ,december #be1 #afgd4 ,the three former parts of the following account were wrote by himself3 the last is partly extracted from his diary1 and partly taken from eye and ear-witnesses4 #b4 ,the common occurrences of the life of one in all respects so inconsiderable1 are not worth recording2 and if recorded1 could be of little use either to my self or others4 ,but if ,i can recount what has past between ,god and my soul1 so as to discover not only the parts of this work1 the several advances it made1 the opposition of the world1 the devil and my own heart2 if ,i can represent this work in its order1 it may be of great use to my own establishment2 and1 should it fall into the hands of any other ,christian1 it might not be unuseful3 for the work of ,god in all is1 as to the substance1 the same and uniform2 and as face answers to face in a glass1 so does one ,christian's experience answer to another's2 and both to the word of ,god4 #c4 ,i came into the world with a nature wholly corrupted1 and a heart fully set in me to do evil3 and from the morning of my days1 though ,i was under the great light of the gospel1 and the inspection of pious parents1 and not yet corrupted by custom2 yet the imaginations of my heart1 and the whole tenor of my life were only evil continually4 #d4 ,indeed1 in this period of my life1 ,i had unusual advantages3 my parents were eminently religious2 ,i continually heard the sound of divine truth in their instructions1 and had the beauty of holiness set before my eyes in their example4 ,they kept me from ill company1 and habituated me early to such outwards duties as ,i was capable of4 ,but this care of my father during his life1 7which ended ,october1 #afhb17 and of my mother after his death1 did not change1 but only hide nature4 ,and1 though ,i cannot remember all the particulars1 from the fourth or fifth year of my life2 yet ,i do remember the general bent of my mind1 which was even then wholly set against ,god3 insomuch1 that when ,i now survey the decalogue1 and review this portion of my time1 notwithstanding the great distance1 ,i still distinctly remember1 and could easily enumerate many instances of the opposition of my heart unto every one of its precepts4 99#e4 ,for many years it is true1 the sins of this part of my life were entirely out of my thoughts4 ,but when ,god began to convince me of sin1 even those ,i had long since forgotten1 those that were of an older date than any thing else ,i could remember1 and not attended with any such remarkable circumstances1 as could be supposed to make a deep impression on my memory1 were brought on my mind with unusual distinctness4 ,whence ,i cannot but observe3 #a4 ,what exact notice the holy ,god takes of what men pass over as pardonable follies4 #b4 ,how just reason we have to fear1 that in the strokes we feel in riper years1 ,god is 8making us to possess the iniquities of our youth40 #c4 ,what an exact register1 conscience1 ,god's deputy1 keeps2 how early it begins2 how accurate it is 7even when it seems to sleep7 and how it will justify his severity against sinners at the last day4 ,o how far up will it fetch its accounts of those evils which we mind nothing of6 ,when ,god shall open our eyes to discern those prints which he setteth upon the heels of our feet2 when the books shall be opened1 and the dead1 small and great1 judged out of the things that are written therein6 99#f4 ,when ,i review this first period of my life1 what reason have ,i to be ashamed1 and even confounded1 to think ,i have spent ten years of a short life1 without almost a rational thought1 undoubtedly without any that was not sinful4 ,and this being matter of undoubted experience1 ,i have herein a strong confirmation of my faith1 as to the guilt of ,adam's sin1 and its imputation to his posterity3 for1 #a4 ,from a child the bent of my soul was 8enmity against ,god40 ,nor was this the effect of custom or education1 no2 there was a sweet conspiracy of precept1 discipline and example1 to carry me the contrary way4 ,nor can ,i charge the fault of this on my constitution of body1 or any thing that might in a natural way proceed from my parents4 ,yet was this enmity so strong as not to be supprest1 much less subdued1 by the utmost care1 and the best outward means4 ,this is undoubted fact4 #b4 ,to say1 ,i was thus originally framed without respect to any sin chargeable on me1 is a position so full of flat contrariety to all the notions ,i can entertain of ,god1 to his wisdom1 his equity1 and his goodness1 that ,i cannot think of it without horror4 #c4 ,penal then this corruption must be1 as death and diseases are4 ,and whereof can it be a punishment1 if not of ,adam's sin8 ,while then these things are so plain in fact1 and the deduction so easy from them1 whatever subtle arguments any use against this great truth1 ,i have no reason to be moved thereby4 #g4 ,hence1 lastly1 ,i am taught what estimate to make of those good inclinations with which some are said to be born4 ,either they are the early effects of preventing grace2 or1 of education1 custom1 occasional restraints1 and freedom from temptation4 ,a natural temper may be easily influenced by some of these1 and by the constitution of the body1 to a distaste of those grosser sins which makes the most noise in the world4 ,yet all this is but sin under a disguise3 and the odds is not great4 ,the one sort of sinners promise good fruit1 but deceive2 whereas the openly profane forbid expectation4 ,and yet of this last sort more receive the gospel than of the former4 ,verily ,i say unto you1 the publicans and harlots go into the kingdom of ,god before you4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,an account of the next two years of his life4 #a4 ,,in ,may #afhe1 ,i went with my mother into ,holland1 and being in some danger while we were at sea1 my conscience1 till then asleep1 began to awaken1 and to be terrified with apprehensions of death4 ,but all this concern was nothing more than natural fear1 and a selfish desire of preservation4 ,i was unwilling to die1 and afraid of hell3 it was not sin1 but the consequence of it ,i wanted to escape4 ,the glory of ,god ,i was not concerned for at all2 and accordingly was the event4 ,i promised1 that were ,i at land1 ,i would keep all his commands4 ,my mother told me1 it would not hold4 ,but ,i was too ignorant of my own heart to believe her3 ,i multiplied engagements1 and doubted not but ,i should perform them4 ,but no sooner was ,i fixed at ,rotterdam1 than ,i forgot all my promises and resolutions4 ,the unrenewed heart being free from the force put upon it1 fell again into its old course4 ,nay1 ,i grew still worse3 the corruption that stopped for awhile1 now ran with greater violence4 ,it is true1 my awe for my mother1 and the power of education1 still restrained me from open sins4 ,but to many secret things ,i was strongly inclined1 and in many instances followed my inclinations3 being a ready and easy prey to every temptation1 notwithstanding all my engagements4 #b4 ,my sins here had this grievous aggravation1 they were committed against greater light1 and more of the means of grace1 than ,i had ever before enjoyed4 ,we had sermons almost every day1 and were catechized every ,saturday4 ,my mother took care ,i should attend most of these1 and at the same time1 private duties1 praying with me1 and for me1 and obliging me to read the scripture1 and other useful books4 ,but so far was all this from having its due effect1 that ,i was weary of it1 and went on in sin3 though not without frequent convictions1 occasioned sometimes by the remains of my education4 ,yet all these were only as the starts of a sleeping man1 disturbed by some sudden noise3 he stirs a little but soon sinks down again1 faster asleep than before4 ,i easily freed myself from them1 either by promising to hear1 or comply with them afterward1 by withdrawing from the means of conviction1 by extenuating my sins2 or by turning my eye to some thing ,i thought good in myself1 though ,god knows ,i had little which had even the appearance of it4 ,at other times ,i looked to the tendency of these convictions1 viz4 the engaging me to be holy2 and then ,i pored upon the difficulties of that course1 till ,i had frighted myself from a compliance with them4 ,if all these shifts failed1 ,i then betook myself to diversions1 which soon choaked the word1 and all convictions from it4 #c4 ,in ,december #afhf1 upon the earnest desire of my father's sister1 married to the provost of ,perth1 ,i was sent home4 ,while ,i stayed in this family1 ,i saw nothing of religion2 and ,i easily took the liberty they gave1 and made fair advances towards rejecting the very form of it4 ,my aversion to those sins1 which through the influence of education ,i abominated before1 sensibly weakened4 ,my hate to learning increased1 which ,i looked on as a burthen and a drudgery1 worse than the basest employment4 ,and many a sinful shift did ,i betake myself to1 that ,i might get the time shuffled over4 ,in spring my mother came to me4 ,i was then so rooted in ill1 that in spite of natural affection1 ,i was grieved at her return2 and when ,i first heard her voice1 it damped me4 ,i cared not to see her2 nor was there any thing ,i disliked more than her conversation4 ,i feared to be questioned as to what was past1 or to be restrained from my sinful liberty4 ,however1 in the beginning of summer1 my mother took me again to ,rotterdam1 and put me to ,erasmus's school there4 ,here1 though ,i stayed not long1 the method of teaching took with me1 so that ,i began to delight in learning4 ,but otherwise ,i was still worse and worse1 under all the means ,god made use of to bring me to myself4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,of the revival of his convictions1 and their effects till #afij4 #a4 ,,in the beginning of ,autumn #afhg1 we returned home1 and fixed at ,perth4 ,here ,i was immediately sent to school1 and made more progress in learning than before4 ,but as to religion1 ,i continued as unconcerned about1 and as averse from it as ever4 ,however ,i behaved myself under my mother's eye1 when ,i was with my comrades ,i took my full liberty2 and1 notwithstanding my greater knowledge1 ran with them into all the same follies and extravagancies4 ,and thus ,i continued till toward the close of king ,james's reign2 when the fear of some sudden stroke from the ,papists1 of which there was every where a great noise1 revived my concern about religion4 ,of this1 being somewhat deeper than before1 ,i shall endeavour to give a distinct account4 #b4 ,it was about this time that ,god by the preaching of the word1 and by catechizing in publick and private1 enlightened my mind farther with the notional knowledge of the law1 and of the gospel4 ,and then sin was left without excuse1 and conscience being armed with more knowledge1 its checks were more frequent and sharp1 and not so easily evaded2 some touches of sickness too rivetted in me the impressions of frailty and mortality1 and the tendency of each of those numerous diseases1 to which we are daily exposed4 ,and hereby ,i was brought into1 and kept under continual bondage through fear of death4 #c4 ,i was now cast into the most grievous disquietude1 having sorrow in my heart daily4 ,i was in a dreadful strait betwixt two1 on the one hand1 my fears gave an edge to my convictions of sin4 ,this made me attend more to the word of ,god2 the more ,i attended to it1 they increased the more2 and ,i saw there was no way to be freed from them1 but by being thoroughly religious4 ,on the other hand if ,i should engage in religion in earnest1 ,i saw the hazard of suffering1 perhaps dying for it4 ,and this ,i could not think of4 ,betwixt both ,i was dreadfully tost1 so that for some nights1 sleep went from my eyes4 ,there was often imprest on my fancy1 one holding a dagger to my breast1 with 8,quit your religion or die40 ,and that so strongly1 that ,i have almost fainted under it1 being still terribly unresolved what to do4 ,some times ,i would let him give the fatal stroke2 but then my spirits failed1 and my heart sunk within me4 ,at other times ,i resolved to quit my religion1 and take it again when the danger was past4 ,but neither could ,i find rest here4 ,what thought ,i1 if he destroy me afterward1 and so ,i loose both life and religion8 ,or what if ,i die1 before the danger is past1 and so have no time to take it again4 #d4 ,for near a year1 few weeks1 nay1 few days and nights1 past over me without these struggles4 ,but after ,king ,james's army was overthrown1 on ,july #bg1 #afhi1 ,i soon grew as remiss as before4 ,all my remaining difficulty was to stifle my convictions1 which ,i endeavoured partly by a more careful attendance on outward duties1 partly by promising to abstain from those sins1 which most directly crost my light1 and partly by resolving to enquire farther into the will of ,god1 and to comply with it hereafter4 8#c40 replaced with 8#d40 #e4 ,but these courses afforded no solid repose4 ,the first sin against light or omission of duty1 shook all1 and ,i was confounded at the thoughts of appearing before ,god in such a righteousness4 ,indeed1 ,i had some ease when trials were at a distance2 but it vanished on their approach4 ,this was not gold tried in the fire2 nor would it abide so much as a near view of danger2 but at the very appearance of a storm1 the foundation fell away4 #f4 ,the effects of my being thus exercised were3 #a4 ,i was brought to doubt of the truths of religion4 ,whenever ,i would have built on them in time of distress1 a suspicion secretly haunted me2 8,what if these things are not so8 ,have ,i a certainty and evidence about them1 answerable to the weight that is to be laid upon them80 ,death and the trouble attending it1 were certain things3 but ,i was not so certain of the truths of religion4 ,still when1 under apprehensions of death1 ,i would have taken rest therein1 but my mind began to waver4 ,not that ,i could give any reason for it2 but the way of the wicked is as darkness2 they know not at what they stumble4 #b4 ,i found plainly hereby that ,i could never have peace1 till ,i came to another sort of certainty about religion4 ,death ,i saw was unavoidable and might be sudden2 nor could ,i banish the thoughts of it4 ,therefore ,i concluded1 8,unless ,i obtain such a conviction of religion1 and such an interest in it1 as will make me look death in the face1 not only without fear1 but with joy2 good it were ,i had never been born40 ,but how or where this was to be obtained ,i was utterly uncertain4 ,here ,i lay in great perplexity1 under the melancholly sense that ,i had hitherto spent my money for that which is not bread1 and my labour for that which profiteth not4 #c4 ,this perplexity was somewhat eased one day1 while ,i was reading how ,mr4 ,robert ,bruce was in a doubt1 even concerning the being of ,god1 who yet afterwards came to the fullest satisfaction4 ,i then felt a secret hope1 8,that sometime in one way or other1 ,god might thus satisfy me40 ,here was the dawning of a light1 which though if it was not soon cleared up1 yet was never wholly put out again4 ,a light which though as yet it was far from satisfying1 yet kept me from utter despair4 8were0 replaced with 8where0 per ,errata #g4 ,about this time one ,mr4 ,donaldson1 a reverend old clergyman1 preached at ,perth1 and coming to visit my mother1 called for me1 and asked me among other questions1 8,if ,i sought a blessing upon my learning80 ,i frankly answered1 no4 ,he replied1 with a severe look1 8,sirrah1 unsanctified learning has done much mischief in the church of ,god40 ,this saying left so deep an impression on me ever after1 that whenever ,i was any way straitened1 ,i applied to ,god1 by prayer for help in my learning1 and pardon for not seeking it before4 ,yet as to the main1 ,i was still afar off from ,god1 and an enemy to him both in my heart and works4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,of the increase of his convictions1 from ,autumn #afij1 till ,may #afic4 #a4 ,,for the better advantage of my education my mother in #afij1 removed with me to ,edinburgh4 ,i was now again put to school1 and in ,november #afib1 entered at the college4 ,here my knowledge of the law of ,god daily increased2 and therewith my knowledge of sin4 ,i saw more and more1 that he was displeased with me for sins which formerly ,i had not observed4 ,the impressions of my mortality were likewise rivetted in me by new afflictions1 and ,i was more in bondage through the growing fear of death4 ,again the scriptures being now daily preached1 forced me to some enquiry into my own sincerity in religion2 and ,i was willing1 provided ,i might save my bosom-idols1 not only to hear1 but to do many things4 #b4 ,i was now carried far in a form of religion4 ,i prayed not only morning and evening1 but at other times too3 ,i wept much in secret3 ,i read and meditated1 and resolved to live otherwise than ,i had done4 ,but this goodness too was as the morning cloud it was force and not nature3 and therefore could not be expected to last any longer than the force which occasioned it4 #c4 ,while ,i was under this distress many a wretched shift did ,i betake myself to for relief4 ,when ,i read or heard searching things2 if any thing that was said seemed to make for me1 ,i greedily catched hold of it4 ,when ,i found somewhat required that ,i neither did1 nor could even resolve to comply with2 ,i thought to compound and make amends some other way4 ,or else ,i questioned1 whether ,god had required it or no8 ,whether he that taught so was not mistaken8 ,and whether ,i might not be in a state of salvation1 without those marks of it which he assigned4 ,again1 many times when ,i would not see1 ,i quarrelled with ministers or books for not speaking plainly4 ,always ,i carefully sought for the lowest marks1 and the least degrees of grace that were saving4 ,for ,i designed but so much religion as would take me to heaven1 the very least that would serve the turn4 ,and when none of those shifts availed1 ,i resolved in general1 to do all that ,god commanded4 ,but ,i soon retracted when he tried me in any particulars that were contrary to my inclinations4 ,and when ,i saw ,i must do it1 ,i begged a little respite3 with ,st4 ,austin1 8,i was content to be holy1 but not yet30 forgetting that a delay is1 in ,god's account1 a refusal2 since all his commandments require present obedience4 ,after all ways were tried ,i blamed my education4 ,i knew religion was a change of heart2 but whether mine had undergone this change was the question3 ,now1 thought ,i1 8,if ,i had not been educated religiously1 but had changed all at once1 it would have been more easily discernable40 ,thus was ,i entangled in my own ways1 and even seeking wisdom1 ,i found it not4 #d4 ,although ,i now seemed to have gone far2 yet ,i was indeed wholly wrong4 ,for being convinced of the necessity of righteousness1 but ignorant of ,christ1 ,i sought it by the works of the law4 ,therefore the carnal mind1 which was enmity against ,god1 still continued in me3 and all my struggles were only a toiling to and fro1 between light and love of sin1 wherein sin was still conqueror2 for my bosom idols ,i could not part with4 ,beside the small religion ,i had1 was not abiding1 but rose and fell with the above mentioned occasions4 #e4 ,about this time ,clark's ,martyrology came into my hands4 ,i loved history and read it greedily4 ,the patience1 courage1 and joy of the martyrs convinced me that there was a reality in religion1 beyond the power of nature4 ,i was convinced likewise that ,i was a stranger to it1 because ,i could not think of suffering4 ,and withal ,i felt some faint desires after it1 so at least1 as often to join in ,balaam's wish1 ,let me die the death of the righteous1 and let my last end be like his4 #f4 ,at this time likewise ,god restrained me from many follies ,i was inclined to1 by bodily infirmity4 ,he provided me too with friends who were very tender of me4 ,he fed me1 though ,i knew him not4 ,but so far was ,i from being thankful for these mercies1 that my proud heart fretted at them4 ,o what reason have ,i to say1 ,the ,lord is good even to the evil and unthankful4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,of the straits he was in1 and the course he took for relief1 from ,may #afic1 to ,august #afif4 #a4 ,,the air of ,edinburgh agreeing neither with my mother nor me1 in ,may #afic she removed to ,st4 ,andrews4 ,and here ,i came under the care of ,mr4 ,taylor1 a wise man1 and one very careful of me4 ,thus chased as ,i was from place to place1 ,god every where provided me with friends4 ,and now by the searching ministry of ,mr4 ,forrester1 he began to give me some small discovery of the more spiritual evils of my soul4 ,he opened to me first the pride of my heart1 and the wickedness and injustice of valuing myself upon those deliverances from my own weakness1 which had been wholly wrought by his own strength4 ,i likewise saw the impiety of drawing near to him with my mouth1 while my heart was far from him3 and indeed of trusting to any outward performance1 without the life of all1 faith working by love4 #b4 ,this1 added to what ,i was conscious of before1 frequently threw me into racking perplexity2 when finding no peace in my former evasions ,i resolved to enter into a solemn covenant with ,god2 and having wrote and subscribed this1 ,i believed all was right4 ,i found a sort of present peace2 amendment ,i thought sufficient atonement1 and such an engagement ,i looked on as a performance4 ,i now likewise often found an unusual sweetness in hearing the word1 and sometimes the most piercing convictions4 ,and these were indeed a taste of the good word of ,god1 and of the powers of the world to come4 8through0 replaced with 8threw0 per ,errata #c4 ,but the merciful ,god would not let me rest here3 the peace ,i found by making this covenant1 was soon lost by breaking it3 at the same time my heart smote me for my old sins1 by which ,i found former accounts to be still standing against me1 which filled me with confusion and jealousies of these ways4 ,i perceived too1 something of the treachery of my engagements1 and that my heart had not been found therein1 but had secret reserves for some sins1 which were then given up inward only4 ,god also let loose some of my corruptions upon me2 which as soon as his restraint was taken off1 were more violent than ever1 and bore down before them all that ,i had set in their way4 ,by these means he discovered to me the fruitlesness of my covenant1 and threw me afresh into the utmost confusion3 while the evil ,i thought so effectually provided against1 again came upon me4 8me in one word0 replaced with 8up inward0 per ,errata #d4 ,yet notwithstanding ,i felt the vanity of these ways1 ,i still adhered to them4 ,i again trusted my own heart1 and hoped to recover by renewing the peace ,i lost by breaking my covenant4 ,i laid the blame on some accidental defect in my former management1 and thought1 were that mended1 all would be well4 ,when ,i found something wanting still1 ,i contrived to make it up with something extraordinary of my own1 with the multiplication of prayers1 or of some outward duty or other4 ,but all these refuges failed1 and my life was so throughly miserable while ,i was pursuing them1 that had not the infinite mercy of ,god prevented1 one of these effects had surely followed4 ,either1 #a4 ,the convictions ,i was under would have ceased1 ,god giving over his striving with me1 and then having attained to a form of godliness1 ,i should have rested therein and looked no farther4 ,or1 #b4 ,if those convictions had continued1 and ,i had been left to my own way1 ,i should have laboured in the fire all my days1 wearying myself with vanity1 in a continual vicissitude of resolutions and breaches1 security and disquietude3 engagements and sins1 false peace and racking anxiety1 by turns taking place4 ,or1 #c4 ,when ,i had wearied myself in vain1 ,i should have utterly given up religion1 and gone over1 if not to direct ,atheism1 at least to open prophaneness4 ,or1 lastly1 ,being forced to seek shelter somewhere1 and being so sadly disappointed in all the ways ,i tried1 ,i had said1 ,this evil is of the ,lord1 why wait ,i any longer8 ,and so sunk in final despair4 ,and in fact1 ,i had some experience of all these4 ,sometimes ,i sat down with the bare form4 ,sometimes ,i wearied myself in running from one of these vain courses to another4 ,at other times1 finding no profit1 ,i turned careless1 and was on the point of throwing off all religion4 ,and very often ,i was driven almost to distraction1 and stood on the very brink of despair4 #e4 ,when ,i had been disappointed again and again1 ,i was in the utmost perplexity to find where the fault lay4 ,i found this way of covenanting with ,god mentioned in scripture1 recommended by ministers1 and approved by the experience of all the people of ,god4 ,i could not tax myself with guile in doing it3 ,i was resolved to perform the engagement ,i made4 ,i made it with much concern and solemnity1 and for some time kept it strictly4 ,but though ,i could not then see where the failing was1 ,i have since been enabled to see it clearly4 #a4 ,being ignorant of the righteousness of ,god1 ,i was still establishing a righteousness of my own3 and though in words ,i renounced this1 yet in fact ,i sought righteousness and peace1 not in the ,lord ,jesus1 but in my own covenants and engagements1 so that ,i really put them in ,christ's room3 and as to forgiveness of sins1 my real trust was not in his blood1 but in the evenness of my own walk4 ,therefore1 ,i obtained not righteousness1 because ,i still sought it1 as it were by the works of the law4 ,and it was evident ,i did so1 by this plain sign2 whenever ,i was challenged for sin1 instead of recourse to the blood of ,christ1 ,i still sought peace only in renewing my vows again2 the consent ,i gave to the law1 was not from the reconcilement of my heart to its holiness2 but merely from fear4 ,the enmity against it continued3 nor would ,i have chosen it1 had that force been away4 ,farther1 my eye was not single2 provided ,i was safe1 ,i had no concern for the glory of ,god4 ,in a word1 ,i engaged1 before ,god had thoroughly engaged me4 ,we may be in a sort willing1 before he hath made us truly so4 ,but the first real kindness begins with him3 and we never love till his kindness draws us4 ,fear may indeed overpower us into something like it1 as it did me4 ,i was willing to be saved from hell3 but not to be saved in ,god's way1 and in order to those ends he proposes in our salvation4 #f4 ,this was not my only trouble4 ,i was now engaged in metaphysics and natural divinity2 accustomed to subtil notions1 and pleased with them2 whence1 by the just permission of ,god1 the devil took occasion to cast me into doubts about the great truths of religion1 especially the being of a ,god4 ,i not only felt1 as formerly1 the want of evidence for it1 but various arguments were suggested against it4 ,but though the enmity of my heart against ,god was still great1 yet he suffered me not to yield to them4 ,there remained so much evidence of his being1 in his works of creation and providence1 as made me recoil at the terrible conclusion1 aimed at by those arguments4 ,and being likewise affected with deep apprehensions of the shortness and uncertainty of the present life1 ,i dreaded a supposition that shook the foundations of any hope of relief1 from the other side of time4 #g4 ,in this strait between light and darkness1 as my disturbance was from my own reasonings1 so from the same ,i sought my relief4 ,by these ,i hoped to obtain establishment in the truth1 and give answer to all objections against it4 ,i therefore seriously set myself to search for demonstrative arguments3 and ,i found them1 but found no relief4 ,the most forcible of them indeed extorted assent1 by the absurdity of the contrary conclusion3 but not giving me any satisfying discoveries of that ,god1 whose existence they obliged me to own1 my mind was not quieted4 ,nay1 and besides1 those arguments not dissolving contrary objections1 whenever the light of them was removed1 and those objections came again in view1 ,i was again exceedingly shaken4 ,i was like him1 who reading ,plato of the immortality of the soul1 said1 8,while ,i read1 ,i assent3 but ,i cannot tell how2 so soon as ,i lay down the book1 all my assent is gone40 #h4 ,i still hoped to attain what ,i had hitherto failed of1 by some farther progress in learning3 but all in vain3 the farther ,i went1 the greater was my disappointment2 the more difficulties ,i continually met with1 and found he that increaseth knowledge1 increaseth sorrow4 ,when this would not avail1 then ,i spent my weary hours in vain wishes for some extraordinary discoveries4 ,nay1 but if one rose from the dead1 they will believe4 ,and this1 notwithstanding my disappointment ,i gained3 ,i was somewhat beat from that towring opinion of my knowledge and abilities1 which my first seeming success in philosophy gave me1 and brought to a diffidence of myself4 #i4 ,but still my corruptions took daily root1 and increased in strength by my weak resistance4 ,yet ,i had a fair form of religion3 ,i avoided all those sins that plainly thwarted the light of my conscience4 ,i abstained from those evils which even the more serious students gave into2 and kept at a distance from the occasions of them4 ,i was more exact in attending both public and private prayer1 and not without some concern for my inward frame in them4 ,when ,i was insnared into any sin or omission of any duty1 ,i was deeply sorrowful4 ,i had a kindness for all that feared ,god1 and a pleasure in their converse1 especially on religion4 ,i had frequent tastes of the good word of ,god1 which made me delight in approaching him4 ,i had many returns to prayer2 when under a deep sense of my impotence1 ,i betook me to ,god in any strait1 ,i was so remarkably helped1 that ,i could not but observe it4 ,hereby ,god drew me gradually in1 to expect every good gift from above1 and encouraged the very faintest beginnings of a look toward a return4 #aj4 ,but tho' by these means ,i got a name to live1 yet was ,i really dead4 ,for1 #a4 ,my natural darkness still remained1 tho' with some small dawnings of light4 #b4 ,the enmity of my mind against the law of ,god was yet untaken away4 ,i had not a respect unto all his commands1 nor a sight of the beauty of holiness3 neither did my heart approve of the whole yoke of ,christ1 as good and desirable2 and ,i complied with it in part1 not from a delight therein1 but because ,i saw ,i was undone without it4 #c4 ,i yet sought righteousness as it were by the works of the law2 ,i was wholly legal in all ,i did3 not seeing the necessity1 the security1 the glory of the gospel-method of salvation1 by seeking righteousness and strength in the ,lord ,christ alone4 ,lastly1 my sole aim was to save myself1 without any regard to the glory of ,god1 or any enquiry how it could consist with it to save one who had so deeply offended4 ,in a word1 all my religion was servile1 constrained1 and anti-evangelical4 #aa4 ,from the foregoing passages ,i cannot but observe1 #a4 ,what a depth of deceitfulness there is in the heart of man4 ,how many shifts did mine use to elude the design of all those strivings of the ,spirit of the ,lord with me8 ,i have told many1 but the one half is not told4 ,and all these respect but one point in religion4 ,if a single man were to recount but the more remarkable deceits1 with respect to the whole of his behaviour1 how many volumes must he write8 ,and if so many be seen1 how many secret1 undiscernable1 or at least undiscerned deceits must still remain6 ,so much truth is there couched in that short scripture1 ,the heart is deceitful above all things3 who can know it8 99,i observe1 #b4 ,how far we may go toward religion1 and yet come short of it4 ,i had and did many things3 ,i heard the scriptures gladly3,i was almost persuaded to be a ,christian3 ,i had escaped the outward pollutions that are in the world3 yea1 ,i seemed enlightened1 and a partaker of the heavenly gift2 having many times tasted the good word of ,god1 and the powers of the world to come4 ,i had undergone many changes2 but not the great change3 ,i was not born of ,god3 ,i was not begotten anew1 and made a child of ,god through a living faith in ,christ ,jesus4 ,again1 ,i cannot but look back with wonder at the astonishing patience of ,god1 which suffered my manners so long1 and the steadiness he shewed in pursuing his work1 notwithstanding all my provocations4 ,all the creation could not have afforded so much forbearance3 the disciples of ,christ would have called for fire from heaven3 yea1 ,moses would have found more here to irritate him than at ,meribah4 ,glory be to ,god1 that we have to do with him1 and not with man4 ,his ways are not as our ways1 nor his thoughts as our thoughts3 but as the heavens are high above the earth1 so are his ways and thoughts of mercy above ours4 99,fourthly1 ,i must bear witness to the reasonableness of ,god's way4 ,it did not destroy my faculties1 but improve them4 ,he enlightened my eyes to see what he would have me to do1 and did not force but gradually persuade me to comply with it4 ,this was not to compel1 but gently bend the will1 to the things that were really fit for it to incline to3 nor did he ever oblige me to part with any sin1 till he had let me see it was against my interest as well as duty3 and the smallest piece of compliance with his will1 wanted not even a present reward4 ,lastly1 ,though this work was agreeable to reason1 yet it was far above the power of nature4 ,i cannot ascribe either its rise or progress to myself2 for it was what ,i sought not1 ,i thought not of2 nay ,i hated1 and feared and avoided1 and shunned and opposed it with all my might4 ,i cannot ascribe it to any outward means4 ,there are many parts of it which they did not reach3 and as to the rest1 the most forcible failed2 the weakest wrought the effect4 ,neither strong1 nor weak had the same effect always4 ,but the work was still carried on1 by a secret and undiscernable power1 like the wind1 blowing where it listeth4 ,it bore the impress of ,god in all its steps4 ,the word that awakened me1 was the voice of him who maketh the dead to hear1 and calleth the things which are not1 as though they were4 ,the light that shone was1 the candle of the ,lord1 tracing an unsearchable heart through all its windings4 ,it was all the work of one who is every where1 who knoweth every thing1 and who will not faint or be discouraged1 till he hath brought forth judgment unto victory4 ,and it was all an uniform work1 though variously carried on1 through many interruptions1 over many oppositions1 for a long tract of time1 by means seemingly weak1 improper1 contrary1 suitable only for him whose paths are in the great waters1 and whose footsteps are not known4 ,in a word1 it was a bush burning and not consumed1 only by the presence of ,god4 ,it was as a spark in the midst of the ocean1 still kept alive1 notwithstanding floods continually poured upon it4 ,this was the ,lord's doing1 and it is marvellous in our eyes4 ,,part ,,ii4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of the progress of his convictions and temptations4 #a4 ,i ,,had now a design to go abroad3 but on the advice of some friends1 ,i laid aside that design1 and engaged as chaplain to a family4 ,accordingly in ,august #afif1 ,i went to the ,wemyss4 ,when ,i came hither1 a stranger among persons of considerable quality1 ,i was in a great strait1 and cried to ,god for help4 ,and though it was my own1 more than his honour1 ,i was concerned for1 yet he1 who would not overlook even ,ahab's humiliation1 did not fail to assist me1 so far as to maintain the respect due to the station ,i was in4 #b4 ,i had not been here long1 when ,i was often engaged 7and frequently1 without necessity7 in debates about the divinity of the scriptures1 and the most important doctrines therein4 ,this drew me to read the writings of ,deists1 that ,i might know the strength of the enemy4 ,but ,i soon perceived1 that these foolish questions and contentions were unprofitable and vain4 ,for evil men and seducers will wax worse and worse1 deceiving and being deceived4 ,and to my sad experience ,i found1 that their word doth eat as doth a gangrene3 so that happy is he who stops his ears against it6 #c4 ,the reading these was of dangerous consequence to one who was not rooted and grounded in the truth4 ,their objections ,i found struck at the foundations2 they were many1 new1 and set off to the best advantage by the cunning craftiness of men practised in deceit4 ,nor was ,i acquainted with that vigilance and humble sobriety that were necessary for my defence against them4 ,the adversary finding all things thus prepared1 set furiously upon me4 ,he wrought up first the natural atheism1 darkness and enmity of my own heart1 blasphemously to ask concerning the great truths of religion1 8,how can these things be80 ,to increase these doubts he employed some who had all the advantages of nature and education1 persons smooth1 sober1 of generous tempers1 and good understandings1 to oppose the truth with the most plausible appearances of argument and reason4 ,to all this he added his own subtil suggestions1 8,hath ,god indeed said so80 ,and sometimes he threw in fiery darts1 to enflame and disorder me2 especially1 when ,i was alone1 or most seriously employed in prayer or meditation4 #d4 ,by all these ways he assaulted me1 both as to the being of ,god1 as to his providence1 and as to the truth both of his revelation in general1 and of many particulars contained in it4 ,sometimes he suggested the want of sufficient evidence2 at other times1 that it was obscure or hard4 ,yea1 some parts of it were accused as plain blasphemy3 some as contradictory to each other4 ,the great mystery of the gospel was particularly set upon and represented as foolishness3 and for fear of some or other of those suggestions1 it was even a terror to me1 to look into the bible4 #e4 ,the subtle enemy1 who had so often before tempted me to pride1 now pressed me to a bastard sort of humility4 8,how can such an one as you expect to remove difficulties1 which so many abler men have sunk under80 ,by this ,i was brought into grievous perplexity4 ,i sought relief from my own reasonings1 from books1 and even from prayer1 but ,i found it not4 ,then ,i wished for some extraordinary revelation2 and at last sat down with the sluggard1 folding my hands1 and eating my own flesh4 ,my own reasonings availed not against him1 who esteems iron as straw1 and brass as rotten wood4 ,all my books overlooked many of my scruples1 and did not satisfy me as to the rest4 ,and as to extraordinary expectations1 ,god justly rejected them1 seeing ,i would not hear ,moses and the prophets4 ,so that ,i had quite sunk under the weight of my trouble1 and been swallowed up of sorrow and despair1 had it not been for some little assistances which the goodness of ,god gave me1 sometimes one way1 sometimes another4 ,when ,i was urged to reject the scriptures1 it was often seasonably suggested1 ,to whom shall ,i go8 ,these are the words of eternal life4 ,god powerfully convinced me1 and kept the conviction strong upon my mind1 that whenever ,i parted with revelation1 ,i must give up all prospect of certainty or satisfaction about eternal life4 ,the boasted demonstrations of a future happiness1 built only on the light of nature1 ,i had tried long ago1 and found to be altogether weak and inconclusive2 though had they been ever so conclusive1 ,i had been not a whit the nearer satisfaction4 ,for1 to tell me of such a state1 without an account of its nature1 or the terms whereon it was attainable1 was all one as if nothing had been said about it1 and left my mind in equal confusion4 ,again1 on a due observation of those who were truly religious1 ,i could not but even then think them the better part of mankind2 and my soul started at charging all the best of mankind with a lie in a thing of the greatest importance4 ,on the other hand1 ,god opened my eyes to see the unaccountable folly of those who had abandoned revealed religion4 ,the scripture tells them plainly1 they must do his will1 if they would know whether the doctrine be of ,god4 ,but they walk in a direct contradiction to his will2 how then can they know of the doctrine8 ,nay1 some sober1 learned1 and otherwise inquisitive persons1 owned1 that we are already miserable1 if we are either cut off from the hopes of1 or left at uncertainty about a future state of happiness4 ,they owned likewise themselves to be thus uncertain1 and yet were at little or no pains to be satisfied2 yea1 ,i found they rather sought for what might strengthen their doubts than remove them2 which plainly shewed a hatred of the light4 #f4 ,i received further help from considering the lives1 but more especially the deaths of the martyrs4 ,when ,i considered the number1 the quality1 and all the circumstances of those who had been tortured1 not accepting deliverance1 ,i could not but own the finger of ,god1 and the reality of religion4 ,the known instances of its power over children in their tender years1 appeared likewise of great weight2 and ,i began to get frequent touches of conviction1 whereby feeling the piercing virtue of his word1 making manifest the secrets of my heart1 ,i was forced to own ,god to be in it of a truth4 ,lastly1 ,i found a secret hope begot and cherished ,i know not how1 sometimes even amidst the violence of temptations1 that as ,god had delivered others from temptations like mine1 7though ,i doubted1 if ever any had been so much molested as ,i7 so he would deliver me at length2 that what ,i knew not now1 ,i should know hereafter3 that my mouth should yet be filled with his praise3 and that ,satan's rage shewed his time was but short4 #g4 ,hereby ,i was enabled1 not only to persevere1 and with more earnestness1 both in public and private duties1 but also carefully to conceal all my straits from others1 who might have stumbled at1 or been hardened by them4 ,i was unwilling others should know any thing that might disgust them at religion2 ,tell it not in ,gath1 lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph4 99,in converse with such as were shaken1 ,i still stood for the truth1 as if ,i had been under no doubt about it4 ,and ,i must own1 that while ,i did so1 ,god often gave me both success with others1 and satisfaction in my own mind4 ,how good a master is ,god6 ,a word spoken for him is not lost3 nor will he suffer the least service to be in vain4 ,a ,heathen ,cyrus1 yea ,nebuchadnezzar himself1 shall not work without his reward4 #h4 ,before ,i proceed1 ,i must observe the folly of reasoning with ,satan2 whenever ,i did so1 he had still great advantage3 he easily evaded all my arguments1 and enforced his own suggestions3 and even when they were not maintained by argument1 he injected them so strongly1 that ,i was not able to stand against them3 our safest course is to hold him at a distance1 and avoid all communion with him4 99,i must observe likewise1 the wise providence of ,god1 that the greatest difficulties against religion are hid from ,atheists4 ,none of the objections they make are near so subtle as those which were often suggested to me4 ,indeed they do not view religion near enough1 to see either the difficulties1 or the advantages that attend it4 ,and the devil finding them quiet1 keeps them so1 not using force1 where he can do his work without it4 ,besides1 ,god1 in his infinite wisdom1 permits1 not all these subtleties of hell to be published1 in tenderness to the faith of the weak1 which could not bear so severe an assault4 #i4 ,i lay under many inconveniences all this while4 ,most of the converse ,i had was with unholy men4 ,i had no friend to whom ,i could impart my griefs with freedom1 or any prospect of satisfaction4 ,and the entire concealing my concern made it fasten more and more1 and drink up my blood and spirits4 ,i laid aside my studies2 ,i could not pursue either business or diversion3 ,i had no heart to any thing2 ,i could not read1 unless now and then a small portion of scripture1 or some other practical book 7except when1 for a short space1 there was an intermission of my trouble47 ,for near a year and a half ,i read scarce any thing2 and this slothful posture laid me open to fresh temptations1 and made my corruptions grow stronger still4 #aj4 ,yet even now1 ,god minding his own work1 by the means of his word1 brought the law1 in its spiritual meaning1 nearer4 ,and then ,i found more discernibly the stirrings of sin1 which taking occasion from the commandment1 and being fretted at the light let into my soul1 wrought in me all manner of concupiscence4 ,hereby ,i was plunged into deeper guilt2 ,my iniquities went over my head2 and my conscience was so alarmed1 that ,i found no rest in my bones by reason of my sin4 #aa4 ,i still laboured for rest1 either by extenuating my faults1 pleading the strength of temptation1 7sometimes not without secret reflections upon ,god7 or by trying to persuade myself they were no faults at all4 ,when all these failed1 ,i made new vows and resolutions2 and ,november #bc1 #afig1 7a day ,i had set apart for fasting and prayer7 ,i drew up a short account of my treacherous dealing with ,god from my youth up1 and solemnly bound myself to him for the time to come4 #ab4 ,but tho' by this means ,i was kept from open pollutions2 tho' ,i was careful of outward duties2 received the word with joy2 watched against pride of heart1 unbelief1 and other spiritual evils2 though ,i fasted1 prayed1 mourned1 and was much in secret2 yea1 strove against all sins1 even those ,i loved best2 yet all this was only a form of religion1 the power of which ,i was still a stranger to4 ,i was a stranger to that blessed relief of sinners1 faith imputed for righteousness4 ,though ,i professed to believe it1 ,i was really in the dark1 as to its glorious efficacy1 tendency and design4 ,still my eye was not single2 ,i regarded only myself1 and not the glory of ,god4 ,it was still by some righteousness of my own1 in whole or in part1 that ,i sought relief4 ,though ,i did part with my beloved sins1 yet it was neither without reluctance1 nor without some secret reserve4 ,lastly1 ,my heart was utterly averse from all spiritual religion3 and if ,i sometimes aimed at fixing my mind on heavenly things2 yet it was soon weary of this forcible bent1 and it seemed intolerable to think of being always spiritual4 #ac4 ,i was now reduced to the last extremity4 ,my sins were set in order before me1 and had taken such hold upon me1 that ,i was not able to look up4 ,they were set in order in the dreadfulness of their nature and aggravations2 my excuses baffled1 and my mouth stopped before ,god4 ,all the ways ,i had taken for my relief had deceived me2 they were the staff of a broken reed2 they pierced my arm when ,i essayed to lean upon them2 and ,i was ashamed1 and even confounded1 that ,i had hoped4 ,the wrath of ,god was likewise dropped into my soul1 and the poison of his arrows drunk up my spirits4 ,add to this1 that ,i was still unsatisfied about religion1 and my enemies often told me1 that even in ,god there was no succour for me4 ,yea1 sometimes ,satan1 to entangle me the more1 assaulted all the truths of religion at once2 and then ,i was utterly confounded1 when the ,lord commanded that my enemies should close me in on every side4 #ad4 ,by the extremity of this anguish1 ,i was for some time1 about the end of ninety-seven1 and the beginning of ninety-eight1 dreadfully cast down4 ,i was weary of my life4 ,oft did ,i use ,job's words1 ,i loath it1 ,i would not live alway4 ,and yet ,i was afraid to die4 ,i had no rest2 ,my sore ran in the day1 and in the night time it ceased not4 ,at night ,i wished for day1 and in the day ,i wished for night4 ,i said1 ,my couch shall comfort me2 but then darkness was as the shadow of death4 ,i was often on the brink of despair4 ,he filled me with bitterness1 he made me drunk with wormwood4 ,he removed my soul far from peace3 ,i forgat prosperity4 ,i said my hope and my strength are perished from the ,lord4 ,i wondered that ,i was not consumed2 and though ,i dreaded destruction from the ,almighty1 yet ,i must have justified him if he had destroyed me4 ,thus ,i walked about dejected1 weary and heavy laden3 weary of my disease1 and weary of my vain remedies2 and utterly uncertain what to do next1 or what course to take4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his deliverance from these temptations4 99,,it was in this extremity ,god stepped in2 he found me wallowing in my blood1 in a helpless and hopeless condition4 ,i was quite overcome1 neither able to fight nor fly1 when the ,lord passed by me1 and made this time a time of love4 ,towards the beginning of ,february #afih1 this seasonable relief came4 ,i was then1 as ,i remember1 at secret prayer1 when he discovered himself to me1 when he let me see1 that there are forgivenesses with him1 and mercy1 and plenteous redemption4 ,he made all his goodness to pass1 and he proclaimed his name1 the ,lord1 the ,lord ,god1 merciful and gracious1 long-suffering1 and abundant in goodness and truth1 keeping mercy for thousands1 forgiving iniquity1 transgression and sin2 who will be gracious to whom he will be gracious1 and will shew mercy to whom he will shew mercy4 ,this was a strange sight to one who before looked on ,god only as a consuming fire1 which ,i could not see and live4 ,he brought me from ,sinai1 and its thundrings1 to mount ,sion1 and to the blood which speaketh better things than that of ,abel4 ,i now with wonder beheld ,christ in his glory1 full of grace and truth4 ,i saw that he1 who had before rejected all my offerings1 was well pleased in the ,beloved1 being fully satisfied1 not only that there is forgiveness of sins1 through the redemption which is in ,jesus2 but also1 that ,god by this means might be just in justifying even the ungodly that believe in him4 ,how was ,i ravished with delight1 to see that such mercy might consist even with his inflexible justice and spotless purity8 ,and yet more1 when he let me see1 that to me1 even to me1 was the word of this salvation sent2 that even ,i was invited to come1 and take the water of life freely6 ,farther1 he discovered to me his design in the whole1 even that no flesh might glory in his sight3 that he might manifest the riches of his grace1 and be exalted in shewing mercy4 ,and when this strange discovery was made1 of a relief which made full provision both for ,god's glory and my salvation1 my soul was sweetly carried out to rest in it1 as worthy of ,god1 and every way suited to my necessity4 #b4 ,all these discoveries were conveyed to me by his word3 not indeed by one particular passage1 but by the concurring light of many of its testimonies and promises1 seasonably set home1 and plainly expressing those truths2 thus ,i found it to be the power of ,god unto salvation4 ,but neither was it his word alone2 for the same passages ,i had read before1 and thought upon1 without any relief2 but now the ,lord shined into my mind by them4 ,before this ,i knew the letter only1 but now the words were spirit and life2 a burning light by them shone into my mind1 and gave me not merely some notional knowledge1 but an experimental knowledge of the glory of ,god in the face of ,jesus ,christ4 99,and vastly different this was from all the notions ,i had before of the same truths4 ,it shone from heaven3 it was not a spark kindled by my own endeavours1 but it shone suddenly about me3 it came by a heavenly means1 the word2 it opened heaven1 and discovered heavenly things2 and its whole tendency was heavenward4 ,it was a true light1 giving true manifestations of the one ,god1 and the one ,mediator between ,god and man1 and a true view of my state with respect to ,god1 not according to my foolish imaginations4 ,it was a distinct and clear light1 not only representing spiritual things1 but manifesting them in their glory1 and in their comely order4 ,it set all things in their due line of subordination to ,god1 and gave distinct views of their genuine tendency4 ,it was a satisfying light2 the soul absolutely rested upon the discoveries it made3 it was assured of them2 it could not doubt if it saw1 or if the things were so as it represented them4 ,it was a quickening1 refreshing1 healing light4 ,it arose with healing in its wings4 ,it was a powerful light2 it dissipated that thick darkness which overspread my mind1 and made all those frightful temptations1 that before tormented me1 instantly flee before it4 ,lastly1 ,it was a composing light2 it did not1 like a flash of lightning1 fill the soul with fear and amazement2 but it quieted my mind1 and gave me the full and free use of all my faculties4 ,i need not give a large account of this light1 for no words can give a notion of light to the blind2 and he that has eyes1 7at least1 while he sees it7 will need no words to describe it4 ,proceed we1 then1 to its fruits1 whereby the difference of it from all my former light will most evidently appear4 #c4 ,the first effect of it was an approbation of ,god's way of saving sinners by ,jesus ,christ2 as a way of relief in all respects suitable to the needs of a poor1 guilty1 self-condemned1 self-destroyed sinner1 who is at length beat from all other reliefs1 and hath his mouth entirely stopped before ,god4 ,in this ,i rested as a way full of peace and comfort1 and providing abundantly for all those ends ,i desired to have secured4 ,and this approbation discovered itself ever after in all temptations1 by keeping up in me a settled persuasion1 that ,god hath given to us eternal life1 and this life is in his ,son4 ,and when afterwards ,i was under temptations1 it still kept me firm in an absolute determination utterly to reject all other ways of relief1 whether ,i found present comfort in this or no4 ,this was also my only sanctuary against guilt2 let me be found in him1 not having mine own righteousness4 ,and whenever ,god gave me a fresh beam of this light1 all difficulties vanish'd away2 then ,i rejoiced in ,christ ,jesus1 and nothing was able to disturb me while it lasted2 and ever after ,i was then only pleased1 when ,i found my soul1 in some measure1 moulded into a compliance with the design of the gospel1 emptied of myself1 subjected to ,god1 and careful to have him alone exalted4 #d4 ,a second effect of this discovery was1 my eye began to be single1 looking in all things1 to the glory of ,god4 ,i now desired that he alone1 7which before ,i had no real concern for7 might be glorified in my life1 or by my death4 ,i saw that shame and confusion belonged to me and to him only the whole glory of my salvation4 ,i watched over the most secret actings of pride1 labouring to renounce it utterly1 looking on it as my grand enemy1 on which ,i was always to have an eye1 and counting the power it still had1 my greatest affliction4 ,i never found comfort1 but when this idol was discernably abased2 and when ever this light shone in proportion to its clearness and continuance1 the power of this was weakened in my soul1 and ,i sought not myself but ,christ ,jesus4 8actions0 replaced with 8actings0 per ,errata #e4 ,a third effect of this light was with respect to his commandments1 which ,i now saw were not grievous1 but right concerning all things4 ,i own'd his yoke to be easy1 and his burden light4 ,amidst all temptations ,i knew the law was holy1 just and good2 ,i perceived too1 that it was exceeding broad1 extending even to the lightest motion of the heart4 ,the duties ,i was most averse from before were now easy1 pleasant1 and refreshing4 ,i saw a peculiar beauty in those laws in particular that crossed the sins which had the firmest rooting in my temper4 ,none were so hateful to me2 for none did ,i loathe myself so much2 none was ,i so glad of a victory over4 ,my mind was continually engaged in contrivances for their ruin1 which formerly1 ,i still sought to spare4 ,and would ,god have given me my choice1 to have the laws against them blotted out1 he knows ,i should not have chose it1 and that ,i should have thought his law less pleasant and less perfect1 had these prohibitions been wanting4 ,i took pleasure in others only so far as there appeared in them any thing of an humble1 self-denying conformity to his law1 and had a fix'd dislike of the least inconformity thereto1 either in myself or others4 ,in a word ,i saw1 that if ,i could reach holiness ,i should have pleasure1 and peace1 and liberty2 that all wisdom's ways1 were ways of pleasantness2 nor was any thing insupportable to me1 but that remaining unsubdued corruption that would not stoop to put its neck under her yoke4 99#f4 ,a fourth effect of it was a right sorrow for sin1 flowing from a deep sense of my ingratitude1 to provoke such a ,god1 who had prevented and still followed me with so much mercy4 ,and this sorrow filled my heart with love to ,god1 and his way1 sweetened my soul1 and endeared ,god to it4 ,and the more ,god manifested his kindness1 the more it increased2 when he was pacified1 ,i was ashamed and confounded2 nor was it a burdensome1 but a sweet and pleasant sorrow1 as being the exercise of filial gratitude4 ,this sense of my unkindness1 when kept within1 covered me with blushes2 and ,i was eased1 when ,god allowed me to vent my sense of it1 and to pour it1 as it were into his bosom4 ,it was likewise a spring of activity in the way of duty4 ,i was glad to be employed in the meanest work1 which might shew how deeply sensible ,i was of my former disobedience4 ,it was not as my late sorrow1 pregnant with pride1 stiffness and unwillingness to suffer any chastisement2 but it humbled1 softened the soul1 and made it willing to bear the indignation of the ,lord1 since ,i had sinn'd against him4 ,in a word1 ,i was glad when ,god gave me my measure of it1 and grieved when ,i found it wanting1 and ,i cried to the ,prince exalted for it1 as a necessary help to the obeying his whole law4 #g4 ,a fifth effect of this light1 was a comfortable hope of salvation1 rising in strength1 or growing more weak1 as the discoveries of the way of salvation1 were more or less clear and strong4 ,i knew ,i could not fail of salvation1 otherwise than by missing this way4 ,sometimes ,i doubted of myself1 but not of the way2 so far as ,i walked in it1 ,i was sweetly satisfied that my expectation should not be cut off4 ,and as this light shewed salvation in a way of self-denial1 and trust only in the ,lord1 nothing so shook this hope1 as the least stirring of pride4 ,as this sight of the glory of the ,lord always filled me with shame1 so the deeper my humiliation the stronger was my confidence4 ,and so far was this assurance from begetting negligence1 that it could not consist with it4 ,to intermit or neglect duty1 razed the foundation1 or at least1 laid an insurmountable stop in the way of its progress4 #h4 ,many other effects there were1 too long to repeat at large4 ,i felt a new and formerly unknown1 love to all who seemed to have any thing of the image of ,god1 though known only by report2 and this evidenced itself in prayer for them1 and sympathy with them in their afflictions4 ,again1 ,i found my care of all ,god's concerns enlarged1 and ,i desired more and more1 that he might be exalted upon earth4 ,i was grieved at any loss his interest sustained1 and zealous for his glory4 ,to conclude1 ,i found this light sweetly drawing me to a willing1 chearful endeavour after holiness in all manner of conversation4 ,thus were all things in some measure become new2 and ,i who a little before1 with the goaler1 had fallen down trembling1 was now raised1 and set down to feast with the disciples of the ,lord1 rejoicing and believing4 ,,part ,,iii4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of the pleasure of this state2 the mistakes attending it1 and the way of their discovery4 #a4 ,,this glorious discovery was very surprising3 oft ,i stood and wonder'd what this strange sight meant4 ,the greatness of the things ,god had done surpassed belief2 and yet the effects would not suffer me to doubt of them4 ,not that ,i distinctly observed them at the very first2 the glory of the ,lord was then so great1 that for a time ,i fixed my eyes on that1 and was less intent on the change which it wrought in me4 ,again1 ,i was the less exact in observing them then1 because of the darkness still remaining in me4 ,i clearly saw the mystery of free justification through ,christ1 and peace by his blood3 but ,i was still sadly ignorant of many of the most important things relating even to that mystery3 as the daily application of that atonement1 and the use of ,christ with respect to sanctification1 ,what therefore ,god did at this time ,i knew not now1 but hereafter1 when the ,comforter had further instructed me in the gospel1 as my exigencies required3 then1 at length1 ,i saw distinctly the work of ,god1 and what he had done for me4 8hath0 replaced with 8had0 per ,errata #b4 ,this discovery could not but be full of ravishing sweetness1 considering the state wherein it found me4 ,i was condemned by ,god and my own conscience1 and under pressing fears of a present execution of the sentence4 ,when the labours of the day required that ,i should sleep1 and my body wasted with the disquiet of my mind1 yet ,i was afraid to close my eyes lest ,i should wake in hell1 and durst not suffer myself to sleep1 till ,i was beguiled into it ,i knew not how4 ,was it strange1 that the hopes of pardon were sweet to one in such a condition1 whereby ,i laid down in safety and quiet rest1 while there was none to make me afraid8 ,a little before1 the waters compassed me about1 even to the soul6 the deep closed me round about1 ,i went down to the bottoms of the mountains1 and said1 ,i am cast out of ,god's sight4 ,now1 was it any wonder that such an one should rejoice1 when brought into a garden of delights and set down under the refreshing rays of the sun of righteousness8 ,and the things he discovered to me here were not only altogether new and such as ,i was utterly unacquainted with before2 but also glorious in themselves4 ,it was the glory of the ,lord that shone round about me2 and ,i saw such things as eye hath not seen1 beside thee1 ,o ,god4 ,in a word1 what ,i saw was 7what the angels desire to look into7 the mystery of godliness1 the wonders of ,god's law1 and the unsearchable riches of his mercy4 #c4 ,this discovery was of longer continuance1 and far brighter than any ,i have had since3 it shone in its glory for ten days2 nor was it quite gone for a long time after2 and while it lasted1 new discoveries were daily made4 ,god carried me from one thing to another1 and in this short space taught me more than ,i had learned by all my study in my whole life4 ,yea1 he taught me the things ,i had learned before1 in another1 and quite different manner4 ,every day he instructed me out of the scriptures1 walking and talking with me by the way1 and opening them to me1 which before was as a sealed book1 wherein whatever ,i read was dark4 ,indeed all this time my mind was almost wholly taken up about spiritual things2 and whatever occur'd in reading1 meditation1 converse1 or daily observation1 it 7like a mold7 cast into its own shape4 ,all this while ,i was carried out to extraordinary diligence in duty4 ,it was not as formerly1 a burthen2 but my heart was enlarged1 so that ,i ran in the ways of ,god's ordinances and commandments4 ,and herein my soul often made me like the chariots of ,aminadab1 not easily to be stopped2 sometimes to the disgust of these who did not taste the same ravishing sweetness which ,i enjoyed4 ,but the life of all was1 that ,god1 by keeping his glory continually in my eye1 kept me humble and self-denied all this while3 seeing him ,i loathed myself4 ,beholding his glory ,i was in my own eyes as a grashopper1 as nothing1 less than nothing1 and vanity4 ,i gloried only in the ,lord1 rejoiced in ,christ ,jesus1 and had no confidence in the flesh4 #d4 ,god had many gracious designs in this4 ,i was sore broken and wounded1 and he did this in tenderness2 he bound up my wounds1 he poured in oil1 he made me a bed in my sickness4 ,he watched me1 and kept me from disturbance1 till ,i was somewhat strengthened4 ,i had been plunged into grievous and hard thoughts of him1 as if he has forgotten to be gracious4 ,nor was ,i easily induced to believe good tidings2 yea1 though it was told me1 ,i could not believe1 till ,i had a clear sight of the waggons and provisions1 and then my spirit revived4 ,god in deep condescension1 satisfied me that he was real1 and had no pleasure in my death2 and that the wound was not incurable1 that it was not the wound of an enemy1 or the stroke of a cruel one1 but the wound of a friend in order to healing4 ,he was now to make me sell all for that goodly pearl2 and that ,i might be satisfied with my purchase1 he let me see both what ,i was to leave1 and what ,i was to obtain4 ,again1 he knew what a wilderness ,i was to go through1 and therefore fed me before ,i entered into it4 ,lastly1 ,he designed to give me something which might be a stay in all succeeding trials4 ,and often since1 when my soul has been in heaviness1 have ,i been cheared by the remembrance of it4 #e4 ,but1 alas6 ,i understood not this3 ,i fancied this world would last always2 ,i talked of building tabernacles here1 and knew not ,i was to come down from the mount1 and that my ,lord would depart from me again4 ,i dreamed not of learning1 or having occasion for war any more2 ,i expected no more to fight with my corruptions1 but thought the enemies1 which appeared not were dead1 and that the 8,egyptians were all drowned in the sea40 ,accordingly ,i projected to tie myself up to such a bent1 and to stint myself to such a method of living1 as neither our circumstances and temptations1 nor our duty in this world allows of4 ,i could not endure to read those books which were really necessary to be read1 and all the time ,i spent in them seemed lost4 ,yea1 ,i began to grudge the time which my body absolutely required for sleep or other refreshments4 ,thus the devil secretly drove from one extreme to the other1 knowing well1 that ,i should not rest here1 and that he could easily throw me back from this into the first1 of assuming too great a latitude4 ,i began likewise to reckon this enlargement of heart as my due1 and as more mine own than it really was4 ,and ,i looked on the stock ,i already had as sufficient to carry me through all my difficulties2 and saw not1 that the grace1 which was sufficient for me1 was yet in the ,lord's hand4 #f4 ,but now ,god began to undeceive me2 he gave me a thorn in the flesh to humble me1 and a messenger of ,satan was sent to buffet me1 who soon made me feel the fury of his temptations4 ,hereupon ,i fell into deep perplexity2 ,i began to question the truth of former manifestations1 to doubt of my own perseverance2 yea1 sometimes to quarrel secretly with ,god1 as if he had beguiled me4 ,i tried many ways1 to escape2 ,i thought upon ,god2 ,i complained to him2 ,i sought for the causes of my affliction2 ,i essay'd to shake myself1 and to go forth to duty as before2 but alas6 the ,lord was departed from me2 and the enemy1 which lay in my bosom1 had discovered my secret1 and shorn me of my strength4 #g4 ,yet ,i could not but see1 when ,i recovered myself a little1 after the violence of my conflict1 that things were better with me now at my worst case1 than formerly at my best4 ,god frequently shewed me something of his power and glory2 he open'd a scripture1 and made my heart burn within me1 or unfolded my case1 and told me all that was in my heart2 or let me see my desire upon my enemies4 ,sometimes he gave me access unto him1 and made me come even to his seat1 and pour out my heart before him4 ,and when at the lowest1 ,i was otherwise affected to ,christ than before2 my soul still longed after him2 ,i essay'd to stretch out the withered hand1 and wished for the command that would impower me to lay hold of him4 ,i refused to go any where else1 but resolved to wait on him1 and to trust in him1 even though he should slay me4 ,and as to his law1 though ,i could not run in it1 my will was still toward it2 ,i had no quarrel to it1 but to myself2 ,i breathed after conformity with it2 ,i delighted therein after the inward man4 ,and as to sin1 though ,i was sometimes driven to it1 this was just such a forced consent as before ,i gave to the law4 ,though it prevailed1 my heart was not with it as before2 ,i found another sort of opposition to it2 and if ever it gained a victory1 ,i was the more enraged against it4 ,lastly1 ,this coldness was now a preternatural state3 ,i cried daily1 ,when wilt thou receive me8 ,i loathed myself for it2 ,i could not rest in it2 ,i wearied myself with essaying to break my prison3 ,i looked back to former seasons1 and said1 ,o that it were with me as in months past6 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his fresh strugglings with sin2 its victories2 and the cause of them1 and ,god's goodness with respect to this trial4 #a4 ,,finding my enemies had gained great advantage over me1 by the security into which ,i was fallen1 though ,i was unwilling to fight1 yet upon their appearance ,i tried what weapons would be most successful4 ,i objected to them1 that now ,i was engaged to the ,lord2 ,i reasoned with them3 ,i prayed against them4 ,nor could ,i then see1 whence it was that they prevailed3 but ,god hath since shewn me several reasons of it4 ,i laid too much stress on the grace ,i had already received2 ,i was not sufficiently watchful3 the enemy put me on vain work2 where the sin lay not in the thing itself1 but in the degree of it1 there he set me upon renouncing it in the gross1 and rooting out what was in itself lawful4 ,of this ,i had many instances with respect to my passions1 and worldly employments1 and converse with sinful people4 ,i still neglected some means of ,god's appointment1 under pretence of difficulties and inconveniences1 and so prevented his blessing upon the rest4 ,i was sometimes not single in my aims3 ,i wanted a victory which would ease me of the trouble of watchfulness1 ,i was weary of a fighting life1 and desired to conquer1 that ,i might be at rest4 ,lastly1 when ,i was not quickly heard1 ,i did not persevere in prayer1 for grace to help in time of need4 #b4 ,yet was ,god even then exceeding merciful to me3 he kept me from giving quite over3 when ,i had many times gone furthest into temptations1 yet he came in with seasonable help2 and frequently1 when ,i was hard prest1 he so cleared up to me my own sincerity1 as emboldened me to appeal to him1 which left me at liberty1 under this new encouragement1 vigorously to oppose all my enemies4 #c4 ,and ,god has since let me see1 what gracious designs he carried on by these trials4 ,hereby he taught me1 that all ,christians must be soldiers2 that our security as to future temptations does not lie in grace already received1 but in having our way open to the throne of grace2 that ,god deals it out in the proper seasons1 whereof he alone is able to judge2 that the covenant of grace doth not promise entire freedom from sins of infirmity1 nor even from wilful sins1 otherwise than in the constant1 as well as careful use1 of all the means which he hath appointed4 ,hereby too he let me see1 how displeased he was for my cleaving to sin so long4 ,the sins that now frequently cast me down were those ,i sought to spare before4 ,god cried often to me1 to part with them1 and ,i would not hear2 and now ,god would not hear when ,i cried against them4 ,hereby also he discovered the riches of that forgiveness that is with him1 that it reaches sins of all sorts1 multiplied relapses not excepted4 ,he that requires us to forgive seventy times seven1 will not do less himself4 ,and finally1 he fitted me hereby to compassionate1 and to comfort others also who were tempted4 ,see the preface4 #d4 ,during all this time1 besides sins of infirmity1 my corruptions did sometimes bear me down to relapses1 both into omissions of duties1 and commission of known sins4 ,and these being sins against light1 love1 and all sorts of engagements1 lay heavy upon my conscience4 ,i was much perplexed about them1 my bones were broken1 my spirit wounded exceedingly4 #e4 ,at some times1 indeed1 ,i was for a while hardened by the deceitfulness of sin1 and senseless2 at other times my heart instantly smote me1 and ,i was immediately after my fall stirred up to the exercise of repentance4 ,but sooner or later ,god set my sins in order before me1 either by some outward or inward affliction 7often so remarkably chosen1 that the sin was wrote upon the punishment7 or by his word1 or his holy ,spirit in his ordinances1 which told me all that ,i had done4 #f4 ,then was my soul troubled with fear and shame1 and a sense of his anger1 by which ,satan often sought to drive me to despair4 ,but ,god graciously brake the force of this temptation1 sometimes by distant discoveries of forgiveness2 sometimes by reminding me of his former kindness1 or shewing me the fatal issue of casting away my confidence4 99,and when the temptation was most violently urged1 ,i thought it no time to dispute1 but allowed the worst the tempter could suggest1 and then laid my case1 in all its aggravations1 to the extensive promises of the covenant4 8,be it granted1 said ,i1 that ,i am but an hypocrite3 that ,i never obtained pardon3 that ,i am the chief of sinners2 that my sins have such aggravations as the sins of no other man ever had20 yet the blood of ,christ cleanseth from all sin1 and he came to save the chief of sinners4 99#g4 ,when ,i had got thus far1 ,i got up again as ,i could1 and sought him in all the duties of his appointment4 ,nor was it long 7if ,i humbly and patiently continued in this way7 before ,i found him1 as at the first4 ,he set my sin1 in all its aggravations1 before me2 he led me up to original sin1 the source of all3 he cut off all excuses1 and left me self-convicted1 owning that any punishment on this side hell would be mercy4 ,then he stepped in1 and made a gracious discovery of the fountain opened for sin1 and for uncleanness4 ,he drew my soul to close with1 and with trembling to lay stress upon it4 ,having by this look drawn my eyes to look at him again1 while ,i looked1 my soul melted into tears2 my heart1 before bound up1 was loosed2 and my lips1 before closed1 were opened4 ,while he thus answered me1 and ,i could scarce believe the news1 he created peace by the fruit of his lips1 and as it were forced it upon my soul1 and shed abroad his love in my heart4 #h4 ,before ,i conclude this head1 ,i must observe1 #a4 ,that sometimes this work was wrought gradually2 sometimes all at once1 and in a moment4 #b4 ,sometimes ,i sought peace long before ,i obtained it2 sometimes ,god surprized me immediately upon my sin1 before ,i had thought in the least what ,i had done1 and gave me such a look as made me weep bitterly4 ,and when it was thus1 it pierced through my soul1 filling me with the deepest loathing of my sin1 and the highest wonder at the riches1 freedom1 and astonishing sovereignty of his grace4 8soul0 replaced with 8sin0 per ,errata #i4 ,there was a great difference as to the continuance of these impressions1 and likewise as to the degrees of them4 ,at some times1 my convictions and humiliations were deeper1 and my faith and hope far clearer than at others4 ,but amidst all these accidental differences1 the substance of the work was always the same4 ,i would observe1 lastly1 ,that the most terrible enemies are not the most dangerous4 ,while ,i was attacked by plain sins1 ,i was easily convinced and alarmed at them1 which was attended with all these happy effects2 whereas ,i have been since assaulted by less discernible evils1 sins under the mask of duties2 and these secretly devour the strength1 and are with difficulty discovered in their exceeding sinfulness4 inserted word 8with0 per ,errata 99,i must not pass over without notice1 that when ,i first felt forgiveness of sins1 ,i was much exercised with1 and troubled for1 sins of infirmity and daily incursion3 of this ,i shall give a more distinct account4 #a4 ,when ,god manifested himself1 his enemies fled before him3 they received a stunning stroke1 and vanished away at the brightness of his appearing4 ,he1 for a time bore down corruption1 chained up ,satan1 and kept me from any1 the least disturbance from them4 #b4 ,it was some time before my stronger enemies appeared again2 presumptuous sins did not soon approach me2 ,i first found the remaining power of sin only by the invasion of sins of daily infirmity1 particularly deadness in prayer4 #c4 ,hereupon ,i began to be much discouraged1 neither understanding my present state1 nor the provision made for the case in the covenant of grace1 by a daily application of the blood of atonement4 #d4 ,when my fond expectation was disappointed1 ,i at first essayed to humble myself distinctly for each of these transgressions4 ,but finding my whole time would not suffice for this1 ,i was obliged to go with them all at once1 and plunge into the fountain opened for sin1 and for uncleanness4 ,i took a view of myself defiled by innumerable evils1 and under a sense of them cast myself on the glorious atonement1 and relied for the cleansing me from them all on that blood which cleanseth from all sin4 #e4 ,to clear this matter yet further1 ,i observe1 that the light which first discovered this plenteous redemption1 tho' variously clouded1 yet was never quite lost4 ,a child of light is never in utter darkness4 ,he has1 indeed1 a summer's sun1 that shines longer1 brighter1 and warmer2 and his winter's sun1 which shines more faintly4 ,he has fair and rainy days2 he has a changeable intercourse of day and night3 but light more or less1 there is always4 8attonement0 replaced with 8atonement0 #aj4 ,upon the whole1 we may remark1 #a4 ,that we may heal our wounds slightly2 but it is ,god's prerogative to speak solid peace4 #b4 ,that considering our unbelief1 and pride of heart1 it is not easy to win a sinner to believe1 that the forgiveness1 which is with ,god1 is able to answer all necessities4 ,and when the soul is in some measure satisfied with this and willing to come to ,god daily for grace and mercy1 it is not easy to keep up either a due abhorrence of sin1 or a due sense of that boundless mercy4 99,yea1 here lies one of the greatest secrets of practical godliness1 and the highest attainment in close walking with ,god1 to come daily and wash1 and yet retain as high a value for this discovery of forgiveness1 as if it were only to be had once1 and no more4 ,the more we see of it1 the more1 doubtless1 we ought to value it2 whereas on the contrary1 unless the utmost care be used1 our hearts turn formal1 and count it a common thing4 ,i observe1 #c4 ,that the joy of the ,lord is then only to be retained1 when we walk tenderly and circumspectly3 being inconsistent not only with any gross sin1 but with any remissness of behaviour4 ,and1 lastly1 ,that when ,i was at the lowest ebb1 ,i have often recovered myself by thankfulness4 ,if you ask1 ,what ,i had then to be thankful for8 ,i answer1 ,i began thus3 8,what a mercy is it ,i am out of hell6 ,blessed be the ,lord for this40 ,again3 8,what a mercy is it1 that he hath given me to see1 and thank him for that mercy6 ,blessed be the ,lord for this likewise40 ,and thus ,i have gone on1 till he hath led me to a sense of his love1 and restored comfort to my soul4 8#e40 replaced with 8#c40 ,,chapter ,,iii4 8,,part0 replaced with 8,,chapter0 ,a more particular account of his preceding doubts1 concerning the being of ,god1 and deliverance from them4 #a4 ,i ,,before mentioned the trials ,i had about the being of a ,god1 almost as soon as ,i had any concern about religion4 ,but at first ,i had no arguments1 urged against it3 only seeing this was the hinge on which all religion turned1 ,i found myself at a loss for evidence so clear and strong1 and convincing1 as ,i thought necessary1 with respect to a truth1 whereon so much weight was to be laid4 ,i said1 8,very great things are demanded of me1 and ,i am called to hope for great things2 but1 before1 ,i trust so far1 ,i would know more of that ,god1 in whom ,i am to trust40 #b4 ,but afterwards1 when ,i was more estrang'd from ,god1 and intent upon abstract subtleties1 the devil took his opportunity1 and said daily1 8,where is now thy ,god80 ,he then triumph'd1 8,where is now that mouth1 with which thou hast so often reproached ,atheists80 ,these are the arguments they have2 come forth then1 try thy strength1 and fight them4 #c4 ,hereupon a sharp conflict began1 in which ,i used various ways4 ,sometimes ,i rejected his suggestions1 and refused them a hearing4 ,sometimes ,i tried to answer his arguments2 but the longer ,i stood arguing the case1 ,i was always at the greater loss4 ,then ,i would wish for a discovery of ,god himself2 ,o that ,i knew where ,i might find him6 ,whence the enemy failed not to infer1 8,if there was a ,god he would help one1 who was thus standing up for him1 in such a strait40 ,sometimes ,i prayed1 and though ,satan urged me with the unreasonableness of praying till ,i was sure there was a ,god2 yet ,i always thought1 8,if there be one1 he can best satisfy me as to his own being40 #d4 ,and he did satisfy me in part4 #a4 ,by clear discoveries of the tendency of these temptations1 viz4 ,to cast reproach on all the best and wisest of men1 and to destroy the foundations of all human happiness4 #b4 ,by some glimpses of his glory1 even in the works of creation4 #c4 ,by some beams of light from his word2 and more than once1 in particular1 by suggesting to my mind1 with power1 that answer of the three children1 ,o ,nebuchadnezzar1 we are not careful to answer thee in this matter4 ,if it be so1 our ,god1 whom we serve1 is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace1 and he will deliver us out of thine hand4 ,but if not1 be it known unto thee1 ,o ,king1 that we will not serve thy ,god1 nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up4 #e4 ,but yet ,i was not fully relieved2 nothing but a discovery of ,god could give a full defeat to ,satan4 ,but considering ,i was then an unhumbled enemy1 ,god could not have appeared otherwise than as an enemy2 and this my nature could not bear1 ,i could not have thus seen his face and lived4 ,wherefore he led me another way2 he discovered sin to me first1 and thereby broke the force of the temptation2 and having humbled me1 he then discovered himself in his glory in ,christ ,jesus4 99#f4 ,this it was which gave me full satisfaction1 while ,god commanded this light to shine on my mind1 ,i could not desire a clearer proof of his being2 all his enemies fled before it3 all the mountains of opposition shook at the presence of the ,lord1 and were carried into the midst of the sea4 ,i had now manifold evidences of this glorious truth4 ,i had1 #a4 ,the evidence of sight3 by the eye of faith ,i saw the glory of ,god as represented in the word1 shining with the clearest lustre3 it not only convinced me of its own reality1 but that1 in a manner1 nothing else was real4 ,this sight gave me more consistent1 becoming notions of ,god1 his nature and attributes1 than ever ,i attained before1 and so shook the very foundations of those doubts which flowed purely from my ignorance of his nature4 #b4 ,i had the evidence of the ear2 ,i heard him speak1 and his voice sufficiently distinguished itself from the voice of any creature4 ,he first spoke terror to me from ,sinai2 and when my soul was as the troubled sea1 he said unto it1 8,peace1 be still1 and there was a great calm40 ,his words had light and power peculiar to ,god with them1 both when he spoke for me and against me3 they made me taste and see that the ,lord is good1 and that blessed is he that trusteth in him4 ,all my objections were solv'd4 ,as to the seeming inconsistency of his attributes1 at the time that he condescended to shew me his back-parts1 he satisfied me1 that no man can behold his face4 ,he gave me a view of his incomprehensibility1 which silenced all those suggestions4 ,and as to the seeming disorders in his government1 a plain answer was1 ,he giveth account to none2 his way is in the sea2 his paths in the great waters1 and his footsteps are not known4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 8,,ii0 replaced with 8,,iv0 ,a more particular account of his preceding doubts concerning the holy scriptures1 and deliverance from them4 8particlar0 replaced with 8particular0 #a4 ,,this temptation1 as observed before1 did not attack me so soon as the former2 but it was managed in much the same way4 ,sometimes my mind only hung in suspence1 for want of a sufficient evidence4 ,sometimes ,i was strangely harrassed with multiplied objections1 either by the books ,i read1 the enemies of the word1 with whom ,i conversed1 or by ,satan1 whose suggestions were far the most subtle1 and most perplexing of all4 #b4 ,this trial was more grievous than even the former4 ,these objections were equally destructive of all religion1 and were far more numerous1 more plausible1 and entertained by persons of a fairer character4 ,besides1 the evidence of this truth lay farther from the reach of an unenlightened mind4 #c4 ,i tried many ways to escape2 besides prayer1 and attending public ordinances1 ,i read many books writ in defence of the scriptures4 ,and this wanted not its use2 ,i got a rational conviction of the truth1 and so was emboldened to plead for it against his enemies2 and ,i found answers to many particular objections1 which encouraged me to wait for full satisfaction4 ,but that ,i found not yet3 this being but the wisdom of men1 had not power to silence temptations1 to enlighten me to see the evidence of ,god in his word1 or to give a relish for it to an indisposed soul4 #d4 ,god began to break the force of this temptation1 when his word fastened a sense of guilt on my soul3 though this rather extorted an assent than induced to a chearful acquiescing therein1 as coming from ,god4 ,but when he gave me that light which repelled all temptations1 which revived and comforted a soul bowed down before1 ,i instantly closed with his word as the word of life2 ,i rejoiced as one that had found a hid treasure2 ,i was sweetly satisfied1 that it came from him2 and that by many evidences3 for1 ,first1 ,all discoveries of guilt were made by it4 ,god by this spoke in my ear1 sins which none save he who searcheth the heart1 could know1 which ,i knew not1 nor any creature else4 ,by it the secrets of my heart were manifest1 so that ,i was compelled to own1 that ,god was in it of a truth2 ,i could not but cry out1 8,come1 see a book which told me all that ever ,i did4 ,is not this the book of ,god80 ,secondly1 ,all the discoveries he made of his anger were made by the holy scriptures2 it was by them that his wrath was dropt into my soul1 and revealed from heaven against me4 ,it was by the same that he let in upon my soul the glorious discovery of his being1 attributes1 and his whole will concerning my salvation by ,jesus ,christ4 ,by the same he conveyed all those quickening1 converting1 transforming1 supporting1 composing influences1 and let me see the other wonders of his law2 excellent things in counsel and knowledge4 ,by this he was pleased to reveal the craft1 the power1 the actings1 and the designs of my enemies2 his own designs in my trials1 and something of his secret designs in many of his public administrations4 99,thirdly1 ,as all these influences and discoveries were conveyed by his word1 so by the peculiar light and power that attended them1 he evidenced that his name was there4 ,it taught1 not as the greatest1 the wisest1 the best of men2 but with another sort of authority and weight2 it spake as never man spake4 ,whatever it said1 my conscience stood to4 ,when it challenged me for what ,i knew not to be faults1 no defences availed2 ,i was scarce sooner accused than arraigned1 convicted1 condemned4 ,in like manner when ,god hereby spoke peace1 he created it4 ,the dead heard1 and the hearer lived4 ,temptations after it spoke not again4 ,when ,i was self-destroyed1 self-condemned1 and cast hereby into the greatest agony2 yet whenever he sent his word1 it healed me2 my soul was commanded to be at peace1 and there ensued a glorious calm4 #e4 ,and whereas my enemies had often asked me1 how ,i could distinguish the real among so many pretended revelations8 ,god himself now gave me a reply3 ,the prophet that hath a dream1 let him tell a dream2 and he that hath my word1 let him speak my word faithfully4 ,what is the chaff to the wheat1 saith the ,lord8 ,is not my word like as a fire8 ,and like a hammer1 that breaketh the rock in pieces8 ,jeremiah xxiii4 #bh1 #bi4 ,and he was pleased particularly to speak those things1 whereat ,i had stumbled1 to my soul1 which both humbled me for my former unbelief1 and encouraged me to hope1 that ,i should know other things hereafter which ,i understood not now4 ,again he satisfied me as to many things1 that the time of knowing them was not yet2 and that when he saw the proper season to be come1 he would shew me plainly of them4 ,he let me see his wisdom and goodness in thus training me up to dependance1 for learning of him what ,i knew not2 and shewed me that it was my duty to meditate in his law day and night1 and to search the scriptures with all humility2 since the secret of the ,lord is only with those that fear him1 and he will shew none but them his covenant4 8wheareas0 replaced with 8whereas0 #f4 ,when after this ,i read the scriptures1 and found not that powerful light shining with that warming1 quickning1 dazzling glory1 yet ,i found an habitual light in my soul1 whereby ,i could almost every where discern part of the glory of the ,lord2 and by this ,i was over-awed1 and brought still to regard them as the word of ,god4 ,a light was still reflected on the whole scripture2 and ,i was ordinarily enabled to perceive1 how worthy of him1 and like himself1 every thing was which ,i read there1 and by this abiding light ,i was capable of discerning therein discoveries of the actings of sin and grace1 with a penetration and exactness beyond the reach of any1 save1 the omniscient and only wise ,god4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,of some other temptations1 and his deliverance from them4 #a4 ,i ,,before shewed that when ,i was in doubt about the holy scriptures1 the devil often suggested to me1 8how can you expect satisfaction in these things1 when men of so much greater abilities have sought it in vain80 ,and this suggestion was often so violently urged1 that ,i had no spirit left in me4 #b4 ,but when ,god discovered himself to me in his own light1 the force of this temptation was utterly broken2 though ,i had not a particular sight of the weakness of it till ,i read 7some time after7 the three first chapters of the first epistle to the ,corinthians3 the substance of what ,god then shewed me was1 ,first1 ,that his great design in the method of salvation he had chosen1 was to stain the pride of all human glory1 that no flesh might glory in his sight1 but he that glorieth might glory in the ,lord4 ,secondly1 ,that a vain ambition to be wise above what ,god allowed1 was the spring and chief part of our apostacy from ,god2 and still vain man would be wise2 the ,jews ask a sign1 and the ,greeks seek after wisdom4 ,thirdly1 ,that in order to the attainment of the foregoing design1 and to the recovery of man from his apostacy it was plainly necessary1 that his ambition1 being a flat opposition to his design1 and a principal part of his corruption1 should be removed4 ,it was requisite1 ,that ,god should destroy the wisdom of the wise1 and bring to nought the understanding of the prudent4 ,fourthly1 ,god to vindicate his own wisdom1 reproached by this vain ambition of man1 to fix an eternal blot on human wisdom1 and to discover his holy severity in punishing this ambition1 with the other wickednesses of vain man1 suffered1 for many ages1 all nations to walk in their own ways1 and to try whether they were better than ,god's ways2 whether they could supply the defects which they fondly imagined ,god had made them with1 or relieve themselves from the misery of their apostacy1 and the event answered the design of his wisdom and justice1 and the desert of them who made the attempt4 ,for after the fruitless endeavours of four thousand years1 ,the world by wisdom knew not ,god4 ,they missed the mark1 their foolish hearts were darkened2 seeking to be wise1 they became fools2 instead of getting their eyes opened to see more than ,god allowed1 they could see nothing but their own nakedness2 and so imperfect were their discoveries even of that1 they imagined fig-leaves would cover it4 ,fifthly1 after they had spent the time allotted for shewing the vanity of their own wisdom2 ,god1 in the depth of his compassion stepped in to their relief2 and in order thereto1 was pleased to pitch upon a way quite opposite to all wisdom of foolish man4 ,he chose not the enticing words of man's wisdom1 or eloquence2 it was not suitable to the truth of ,god1 to use that mean art1 whereby the judgments of men are led blindfold in subjection to their passions4 ,he made no choice of artificial reasonings1 the other eye of human wisdom4 ,it did not become the majesty of ,god to dispute men into a compliance with his will4 ,and although he wrought signs to awaken the attention of a drowsy world1 to gain respect to his ambassadors1 to strengthen the faith of weak believers1 and to cut off every plea from unbelief3 yet he chose not them chiefly to convert and recover the world1 being unwilling so to derrogate from his word1 as if the word of ,god were not1 upon its own evidence1 worthy the acceptation of all rational creatures4 ,sixthly1 ,god having rejected all these1 made use of the foolishness of preaching3 that is1 a plain declaration of his will in his name1 in the demonstration of the spirit and power1 by men commissioned by him for that purpose4 ,now this was a means every way worthy of ,god4 ,man had believed the devil rather than ,god2 the devil seemed to have gained a great advantage1 by persuading man in his integrity to credit him and discredit ,god4 ,god now cast back the shame on him1 by engaging fallen man to renounce the devil1 and give up ,satan and all that adher'd to him4 ,and further to manifest his design1 as he made use of the foolishness of preaching1 so he chose for his ambassadors1 not the learned disputers of the world1 but foolish1 weak1 illiterate men1 that by things which in appearance are not1 he might bring to nought those that are4 ,lastly1 ,to lay man lower yet1 that the ,lord alone might be exalted1 he chose not for his people such as the world would have thought stood fairest for mercy2 but he chose1 for the general1 the most miserable and contemptible of mankind2 ,not many wise1 not many noble1 not many mighty are called2 but ,god hath chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wise4 99#c4 ,hence ,god shewed me1 that it was to be expected1 and was indeed inevitable1 that a great opposition1 should be every where made to his gospel2 that this opposition would principally be by pretenders to wisdom1 and learned men2 that their objections must be against all the concernments of the gospel1 the matter1 manner1 means of it2 all being opposite to their expectation1 and that therefore it was no wonder to see some stumble at the cross1 some at the preaching1 some at the preachers2 that it was to be expected their objections would be specious1 as being suited to the wisdom of men1 the natural apprehension of all who were not brought to a compliance with the grand design of ,god4 ,lastly1 ,that it was impossible for any man1 who was not brought to be a fool in his own eyes1 to be wise in the things of ,god1 or to discern and approve of the conduct of ,god in this whole matter4 #d4 ,upon this discovery ,i was fully satisfied1 that the opposition of learned men1 and their unsuccessfulness in their enquiries1 was so far from being a just prejudice to1 that it was a strong confirmation of the truths of religion2 and on the other hand1 that though they were1 in the wisdom of ,god1 hid from the wise and prudent1 yet babes might have a clear discovery thereof1 because it had pleased the father to reveal these things to them4 #e4 ,another common objection1 which had made1 at some times1 a considerable impression upon my mind1 was1 that the scriptures are contrary to reason4 ,i shall just point at the springs of my relief4 ,first1 ,i was long before fixed in a deep1 rational conviction of the shortness of human knowledge1 and that there was no truth which we receive1 whether upon the evidence of metaphysical1 mathematical1 or moral principles1 or even on the evidence of our senses1 against which there lay not insoluble objections4 ,yet no man questioned those truths2 nor though we endeavoured it ever so much1 could we doubt of many of them4 ,and as this was one of the most considerable fruits of my studies in philosophy1 so it was of use to me many ways2 it made me see through the vanity of that pretence against the truths revealed by ,god1 that there lie unanswerable objections against them4 ,this ,i plainly saw ought not to shake my assent1 if ,i found sufficient evidence for them2 especially as ,i was convinced1 'twas reasonable to expect more inextricable difficulties about truths supernaturally revealed than others1 since they lie farther out of our reach4 ,therefore1 when any such occurred1 ,i was led rather to suspect my own ignorance than the truths of ,god4 99,secondly1 ,god had before fixed in me the faith of his incomprehensibility1 and fully convinced me1 that ,i could not know him to perfection4 ,he let me see1 that his ways are not our ways1 so that ,i durst not any more attempt to measure him1 or his ways1 by my short line1 but in all things ,i relied in the resolution of his word4 ,to the law and to the testimony ,i brought all1 and where that clearly interposed1 my soul was now taught fully to acquiesce in1 and stand to its determination4 ,thirdly1 ,when the enemy strongly attacked any particular truth1 and ,i could not instantly solve his objections1 ,i was much relieved by a view of the multiplied testimonies of the word1 all running the same way4 ,and when by consulting interpreters1 especially critics1 ,i was darkened rather than cleared1 ,i had recourse to the scope of the words1 and the plain meaning that first occurred1 with an humble dependance on ,god for his light4 99,fourthly1 ,if for a time1 by the subtle perversion of some scriptures1 ,i could not find the true meaning of them1 the analogy of faith staid my mind1 till ,i could recover those particular passages out of the enemy's hand4 ,when ,god manifested himself to me1 he gave me a view of his whole design in the revelation he had made of himself1 and of the harmonious consent and concurrence of all the doctrines of the gospel1 in promoting that design4 ,he shewed me likewise1 how the end and the means were so closely linked together1 that one of these truths could not be overturned1 but all the rest would follow4 ,whenever therefore any of them was controverted1 its connexion with the other truths1 uniformly and plainly attested by the current of scripture1 presented itself2 and my mind was satisfied1 this could not fall without they all fell together4 ,this ,i take to be the analogy of faith1 and herein ,i often took sanctuary4 #f4 ,i before mentioned what a continual bondage ,i was long in1 through fear of death2 ,i shall now give some account of my relief from this also4 ,first1 ,the ,lord's mercy manifested in ,christ freed me from this spirit of bondage1 and gave me a taste of the liberty of the sons of ,god4 ,he in great measure removed the grounds whereon ,i most feared it1 viz4 ,sin the sting of death1 and want of evidence about the reality of future things4 ,secondly1 ,whereas there still continued some fear upon a near prospect of it1 ,i was much relieved by ,god's promise1 that we should not be tempted above what we are able to bear1 especially when ,i recollected my former experience4 ,i remember one day in particular1 ,i was opprest with fear of death1 when ,god mercifully suggested to me1 8,hast thou not shrunk under the remote prospect of other trials1 and yet been carried through them8 ,why shouldst thou distrust him as to future trials1 who hath so often helped thee in time of need80 ,i then considered1 it is no way proper that ,god should give his grace before our trial comes3 but rather that he should keep us humble and dependent by reserving it in his own hand1 and teach us to submit to his wisdom1 as to the measure and time of performing his own promises4 ,and ,i have ever since rested in this faith1 that the ,lord is a ,god of judgment1 and that blessed are all they who wait on him2 not doubting either his faithfulness as to the accomplishment of his promises1 or judgment as to the right timing and measuring them1 in proportion to our necessities4 ,hereupon ,i rest to this day2 ,i dare not say ,i am ready to die2 ,i dare not say ,i have faith or grace sufficient to carry me through death2 ,i dare not say ,i have no fear of death3 but this ,i say1 there is sufficient grace laid up for me in the promise2 there is a throne of grace to have recourse to2 and there is a ,god of judgment1 who will not with-hold it1 when it is really the time of need4 ,,part ,,iv4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,of his entrance upon the ministry1 and behaviour at ,ceres4 #a4 ,,when ,i was under the violent strugglings before-mentioned1 ,i had laid aside all thoughts of the ministry2 for ,i could not entertain a thought of preaching to others what ,i did not believe myself4 ,but now the scene being changed1 ,i was1 after long deliberation and fervent prayer1 determined to comply with my mother's desire 7who had devoted me from my childhood to this work7 with the advice of my most pious friends1 the importunity of many others1 and the motions of my own heart4 ,for ,i had a lively sense of the strong obligation laid upon me1 to lay out myself in the service of my good master1 and ,i thought the nearer my employment related to him1 the happier it would be4 #b4 ,accordingly on ,may #a1 #agjj1 ,i entered into holy orders1 and ,may #e1 began my ministry at ,ceres4 ,from this time he prepared his sermons with much secret prayer1 for a blessing thereon1 both to himself and his hearers4 ,his practice also was1 exactly to review and remark his behaviour in public duties2 what assistance and enlargement of heart he obtained1 and what concern for the souls of his hearers4 ,when he fell short1 it was matter of humiliation to him2 when he was assisted1 of greater gratitude and watchfulness4 8ser-sermons0 replaced with 8sermons0 #c4 ,knowing he was to watch over souls1 as one that must give account1 he had the weight of this charge much upon his spirit3 he therefore laboured to know the state of the souls of his flock1 that he might be able to guide them according to their particular cases4 ,in order thereto he was diligent in visiting all the families within his parish1 in instructing his people by catechizing1 and in marking their proficiency in the knowledge of the gospel4 ,especially1 before administring the ,lord's supper1 he conversed severally with those who desired to partake thereof1 to try what sense they had of real religion2 what influence the word of ,god had had upon them3 and what fruits of it were in their hearts and lives1 that he might deal with their consciences accordingly4 #d4 ,take an instance of this in his own words3 ,july #h1 #agjc4 8,i have now spent about a month in converse with my people1 and ,i observe the few following things30 99,first1 8,that of three or four hundred persons there were not above forty who had not at one time or other been more or less awakened1 though with far the greater part it came to no length4 ,whence it is plain1 that ,god leaves not himself without witness1 even in the bosom of his enemies1 but sooner or later so far touches the hearts of all men1 as will dreadfully enhance the guilt of those1 who put out the light1 and quench his ,spirit40 99,secondly1 8,that some of those whom it has pleased ,god to awaken by my ministry1 promise more than flowers1 even fruit3 and that most acknowledge1 that the word comes nearer them daily1 which makes me ashamed of my own negligence1 and astonished at the goodness of ,god1 who blesses my weak labours notwithstanding40 ,thirdly1 8,that though ,god may make use of the words of man1 in letting us into the meaning of the scriptures1 yet 'tis ordinarily the very scripture-word whereby he conveys any comfort or advantage40 #e4 ,hearing about this time of some who were much swayed by good people1 in dark steps of their ministerial work1 ,i was satisfied in the evident clearness of the following rules3 duplicate word 8were0 removed 99,first1 ,that it is very dangerous to lay much stress on the apprehensions of the best of people1 as to what may be sin or duty in things that belong not to their station2 for the promise of the ,spirits1 teachings belongs not to them1 as to what may concern a minister's station4 ,therefore1 it is safer to desire their prayers1 that ,god would1 according to his promise1 discover to us what is our duty1 than to learn them to step out of their stations1 and advise in things that belong not to them4 99,secondly1 ,in consulting others for light1 great regard should be had to the different talents of men2 in matters of soul-exercise1 most regard should be had to those whom ,god has fitted with endowments that way2 in matters of government most regard should be had to those whom he has fitted that way4 ,thirdly1 ,the holiest men are most likely to know ,god's mind2 but to know who are the holiest1 we must consider1 not only what men's behaviour1 but what their temptations are4 ,for one in whom less appears may indeed have more grace1 than another who seems to have more2 when the one is continually plunged in floods of temptation1 and the other is free from them4 99,observe1 ,fourthly1 ,that ministers are commonly more shaken about the truths of religion1 than about their own state3 but the people1 more about their own state1 than about the truths of religion4 ,and as ministers are assisted to clear the people as to what they are straitened about2 so are the people often enabled to help their ministers1 as to what occasions their uneasiness4 ,thus they mutually excel and are excelled1 to humble both1 and keep both in their stations4 ,as to the clearing up our duty in doubtful cases1 observe1 ,lastly1 ,that there is ever a bias to one way or the other2 that we must seek to have this removed1 and cry to ,god to bring our hearts to equal willingness to take either or neither way2 that when this is attained1 we must use our best reason1 and take the way that appears most proper1 though still crying to him1 that he would put a stop to us1 if we be out of the road4 ,if he afforded light in any other particular way we must use it1 still taking care1 to seek light soberly1 to use it tenderly1 and to be wary in the application of it4 #f4 ,july #b1 #agjb4 ,god about this time giving me somewhat of a revival from a long deadness1 ,i think myself concerned to take notice of the means by which ,i obtained this benefit4 ,and1 #a4 ,it was signally promoted by converse with zealous ,christians4 ,i found1 that as iron sharpeneth iron1 so doth the countenance of a man his friend4 #b4 ,by some heavy strokes laid upon me4 #c4 ,by terrible providences to the public4 #d4 ,by some papers seasonably brought to my hands1 containing the exercise of some real ,christians1 wherein ,i saw how far short ,i was of them1 and also not a few of the causes of my sadly withered and decayed state4 #e4 ,by some discovery of the vanity of my sweetest enjoyments4 ,and1 ,lastly1 ,by ,god's leading me to some subjects1 which ,i chose for others1 wherein ,i found my own case remarkably touched4 duplicate word 8of0 removed #g4 ,march #ab1 #agje4 ,i was far out of order2 8,lord pity and shine upon me40 ,at night ,i was somewhat refreshed in family-worship4 ,in meditation hereon ,i saw unbelief was the root of all my misery4 ,i was broken on account of it2 ,i cried to ,god for relief1 8,o manifest thyself to my soul60 ,i was much grieved1 that at a time when so many strange evils abound1 there should be so strange a stupidity on my spirit1 that ,i could not mourn for the dishonour done to ,god4 ,i cried for a spirit of supplication and repentance4 8of0 replaced with 8on0 per ,errata #h4 ,april #ag1 #agje4 ,i was much disordered in body2 but about seven at night ,i was a little relieved4 ,yet bowing my knees to prayer ,i was full of perplexity2 the ,lord hid himself1 and my spirit was overwhelmed4 ,but meeting with that scripture1 ,having therefore1 brethren1 boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of ,jesus1 by a new and living way1 which he hath consecrated for us1 through the veil1 that is to say1 his flesh2 ,i found my mind composed2 but1 ,o1 that it were with me as in months past6 #i4 ,february #bd1 #agjf4 ,being the ,lord's day1 ,i was sore shaken in the morning about the truths of ,god1 but came to peace as to what ,i was to preach1 in three things4 8,lord thou hast fully satisfied me10 that #a4 ,all other courses to satisfaction in our great concern1 besides that of the gospel1 are utterly vain and unsatisfactory4 #b4 ,that supposing the truth of the gospel1 there is a plenary security as to all ,i can desire in time or in eternity4 ,and #c4 ,that it can be only the wretched unbelief of my heart that makes me ever hesitate concerning the truth of it1 seeing ,i have full evidence for it1 far beyond what in other things would absolutely cut off all hesitation4 ,i will look then for faith to the author of it3 ,lord ,i believe6 help thou mine unbelief6 ,thou hast so fixed me in the belief of these three truths1 that no temptation hath been able to shake me4 8#e0 replaced with 8#c0 #aj4 ,in the spring1 #agjg4 ,some of the followers of ,mrs4 ,bourignon coming into his parish1 he laboured to guard his people against the infection of their specious errors4 ,a short account whereof he gives in the following words3 ,april #bj1 #agjg3 ,this day the ,lord directed me to strike at the root of the prevailing delusion1 in opposition to which ,i taught4 ,first1 ,that true holiness will not admit of leaving out some duties1 whereas the devotees1 while they withdraw from the world1 omit the unquestionable duties both of general usefulness among men1 and of diligence in their particular callings4 duplicate word 8of0 removed ,secondly1 ,that holiness consists not in a strict observance of rules of our own invention1 such as most of theirs are4 ,thirdly1 ,that whatever holiness those profess1 who neglect the ordinances of ,god1 none can reasonably conclude1 that they are influenced by the authority of the ,lord ,jesus1 for the same authority binds to the one as well as the other4 ,lastly1 ,that the most effectual inducement to universal obedience1 is a sense that our sins are forgiven us1 still kept fresh upon our souls1 and a constant improvement of the blood of ,christ by faith4 #aa4 ,january #aa1 #agjh4 ,in the morning ,i arose greatly indisposed with a looseness4 ,before church ,i was somewhat relieved1 but immediately after sermon1 seized with vomiting4 ,lord1 lead me to some suitable improvement6 99,january #ab4 ,was a day set apart for examining the state of my soul2 chiefly on these heads4 #a4 ,are daily sins1 and sins of infirmity1 searched1 observed1 weighed1 mourned for8 ,and do ,i exercise faith distinctly1 in order to the pardon of them8 #b4 ,does the impression of the necessity and excellency of ,christ's blood decay8 ,are the experiences of its life and efficacy distinct as before8 #c4 ,am ,i formal in worship8 ,in secret1 family1 public prayer8 ,desiring blessing on meat1 returning thanks8 ,meditation and reading8 #d4 ,is there due concern for the flock8 ,singleness and diligence in ministerial duties1 prayers for them8 c4 #e4 ,is there sympathy with afflicted saints and churches8 #f4 ,is the voice of the rod heard1 calling to deniedness to relations1 even the dearest8 ,deniedness to the world8 ,to life8 ,preparation for death8 ,spirituality in duty8 #ab4 ,october #ab1 #agji4 ,being seized with a violent flux and griping1 yet ,god kept me submissive1 without repining2 and brought me to commit the disposal of all to him1 crying for a removal of any aversion to his will4 ,and as to my ministry1 tho' ,i felt much remorse for the want of wrestling with ,god1 for the success of his word among the people1 yet it was refreshing that ,i durst say in the sight of ,god1 that ,i was really concerned to know the truth2 that ,i kept back none which might be profitable for them3 that ,i preached what ,i resolved to venture my soul on1 and that ,i desired to preach home to their consciences4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,of his marriage1 and conduct in his family4 #a4 ,,when ,god convinced me1 that it was not meet ,i should be alone1 he also dearly convinced me1 that a prudent wife is from the ,lord4,i looked therefore and cried to1 and waited on him for direction1 with that eminent freedom and preparation of heart1 which gave a fixed hope he would incline his ear1 and bless me in my choice4 #b4 ,the command1 ,be not unequally yoked with unbelievers1 was so strongly imprest on my soul1 that no prospect of outward advantage could have swayed me to chuse one void of the fear of ,god4 ,but whether to chuse on the testimony of others1 or from personal acquaintance1 ,i could not easily determine4 #c4 ,at last inclining to think a personal acquaintance necessary1 ,i pitched on one who appeared suitable to me2 and who falling at that time under some unusual concern about religion1 which she imparted to me1 it looked like a providential clearing of the way2 on which1 ,i too hastily proceeded in the proposal4 ,yet ,i never durst pray absolutely for success1 but had great freedom in praying that ,god would direct3 and that if it were not for my good1 my way might be hedged in1 and my design effectually disappointed4 ,mean while she carried on an intrigue with another1 to whom she was soon after clandestinely married4 #d4 ,another marriage was proposed to me some time after4 ,in the beginning of this affair1 ,march #agjj1 ,i was confident to meet with a disappointment2 whereon ,i resolved to quit it1 and did so for some time4 ,but ,god1 by one means or other1 broke all my designs of turning away4 ,he visibly interposed his providence1 gave fresh opportunities1 directed me to means ,i had never before thought of1 and reconciled those to it1 from whom ,i expected the strongest opposition4 #e4 ,yet after ,i had the greatest encouragement to proceed1 ,i met with discouragements again3 this was follow'd by new encouragement when ,i least expected it3 and by this variety of success1 ,i was kept low as to my thoughts of myself1 and wholly dependent on ,god for the event4 #f4 ,december #ac4 ,this forenoon ,i set apart for prayer3 and being to address ,god with regard to my proposal of marriage1 ,i began the work with an enquiry into my own state4 ,upon this enquiry1 ,i found1 ,first1 ,with respect to ,god1 ,i was under a full conviction1 that life was in his favour1 nay1 that his loving-kindness is better than life itself4 ,that any interest in his favour is utterly impossible1 without respect had to a mediator3 ,god being holy1 ,i unholy2 ,god a consuming fire1 ,i a sinner meet to be consum'd3 that ,god out of mere love has been pleased to send into the world ,jesus ,christ1 as the mediator through whom sinners might regain his favour4 ,secondly1 ,with respect to ,christ1 nothing has been able 7since it was first given me7 to shake my full conviction of the following particulars3 that ,jesus ,christ is such a ,saviour as it became the goodness1 justice1 wisdom1 and power of ,god to provide2 and such as became the desires and needs of sinners1 as being sufficient to save all that come to ,god through him1 and that to the uttermost1 his blood being able to cleanse from all sin1 his power to subdue all things to himself1 and his ,spirit to lead into all truth3 that ,i need him in all his offices2 there being no time when ,i durst once think of parting them3 ,god knows that my heart is as much reconciled to his kingly as to his priestly office1 and that it would for ever damp me1 had he not power to captivate every thought to the obedience of himself2 that all my hope of freedom from that darkness which is my burden1 is from ,christ's prophetical office2 and my hope of freedom from the guilt and power of sin1 arises from his priestly and kingly offices4 ,in one word1 ,i have no hope of any mercy in time or eternity1 but through him4 ',tis through him ,i expect all1 from the least drop of water to the immense riches of his glory4 ,thirdly1 ,with respect to this law1 notwithstanding my frequent breaches of it1 ,i dare take ,god to witness1 that ,i count all his commandments concerning all things1 to be holy1 and just1 and good2 insomuch that ,i would not desire any alteration in any1 and least of all in those which most cross my inclinations3 that ,i desire inward1 universal conformity to them all1 and that in the spiritual meaning and extent1 as reaching all thoughts1 words1 and actions1 and even the minutest circumstances of them4 ,lastly1 ,that since the commencement of this affair particularly1 ,i have seen a peculiar beauty in the law1 as exemplified in the life of our ,lord2 more especially in his absolute submission to the divine will1 even in those things which were most contrary to his innocent nature4 ,and though ,i could scarce reach this submission at some times1 yet ,i earnestly desired it1 ,i look'd upon it as exceedingly amiable1 and condemned myself so far as ,i came short of it4 #g4 ,as to the whole1 my spirit was in a calm and composed frame3 but contrary to my positive resolution1 and under fears of a refusal1 ,i was carried out to be more peremptory than usual as to the success4 ,yea1 when ,i was in the most submissive frame1 ,i was more peremptory as to the event1 than when my heart was most eagerly set upon it4 #h4 ,january #g1 #agja1 was a day set apart by us both1 to be kept with fasting and prayer1 for obtaining a blessing on our marriage4 ,i began it with prayer1 wherein ,i endeavoured to trace back sin to my very infancy4 ,lord1 ,i have been in all sin3 not one of thy commands but ,i have broken in almost all instances2 save in the outward acts1 and from them1 ,o ,lord1 only thy free grace restrained me4 99,i now again solemnly devoted myself to him1 in this new relation ,i was to enter upon2 beseeching that he would not contend with either of us1 for the sins of our single life2 that he would make us holy1 and bless us in this new state1 fitting us every way for one another4 ,in my second address to ,god by prayer1 he gave me much sweetness and enlargement 7blessed be his goodness7 in reference to that particular1 for which ,i set apart this day4 ,when he prepareth our hearts to pray1 his ear hearkeneth thereto4 ,this day ,i again searched into my state1 and found these evidences of the ,lord's work in my soul3 #a4 ,he hath given me by his ,spirit some discovery of the innumerable sins of every period of my life1 and especially of the root of all1 the inexpressible corruption of my nature3 #b4 ,he has discovered to me the vanity of all those reliefs nature leads to1 with regard to the guilt of sin2 he hath made me see1 that my own works cannot save me1 and1 ,i hope1 taken me off from resting upon them2 for under trouble1 occasioned by sin1 nothing but ,christ could quiet me3 the view of my own works only increased it4 ,and ,god1 when he assisted me most therein1 so guarded me against this1 that he then always opened my eyes to see a world of sin in them2 insomuch that ,i have as earnestly desired to be saved from my best duties1 as ever ,i did from my worst sins3 and whenever my heart inclined to lay some stress on duties spiritually perform'd1 ,god stirred up in my soul a holy jealousy over my heart in this particular4 #c4 ,as to the power of sin1 he hath brought me to an utter despair of relief from my own prayers1 vows1 or resolutions4 #d4 ,he hath been pleased to determine me to chuse the gospel-way of salvation1 by resting on ,christ for righteousness1 sanctification1 and redemption2 as a way full of admirable mercy and wisdom2 a way of great peace and security to sinners1 and best suited to give glory to ,god4 ,upon these grounds1 ,i conclude1 that the ,lord hath wrought faith in me1 and will compleat my salvation4 ,and because he hath determined me to chuse him1 therefore ,i dare call him my ,god1 my ,saviour1 my ,sanctifier4 ,on ,january #bc1 #agja1 he was accordingly married at ,edinburgh1 to ,janet ,watson1 daughter of ,mr4 ,david ,watson1 of ,st4 ,andrews4 ,by her he had nine children1 three sons and six daughters1 of whom one son and five daughters survived him4 #h4 ,in ,march1 #agje1 his then youngest child fell into a languishing illness3 concerning whom he writes thus3 8,april #aa4 ,my child died3 blessed be ,god1 ,i have had a child to give at his call2 and blessed be the ,lord1 that he helped me to give her willingly40 ,in ,march #agab1 his son ,george fell ill3 ,i had often says he1 given all my children up to ,god1 and now it pleased him to try me in the tenderest point1 whether ,i would stand to my resignation4 ,i could not find freedom in a asking for his life1 but much1 in crying for mercy for him4 ,yet ,i cannot say1 but the burthen was great upon me1 till communing with a friend about the state of the church and religion1 concern for ,god's interest got the ascendant over that for my own1 and from that time ,i found comfort3 99and the nearer he was to his end1 the more loosed ,i was from him1 and the more chearful was my resignation3 so that before his death1 prayers were almost made up of praises1 and he was set off with thanksgiving4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,of his removal to ,st4 ,andrews4 #a4 ,,the place of professor of divinity in the university of ,st4 ,andrews being vacant1 her ,majesty's patent was procured for him3 upon which he made the following reflection3 8,this seems to be of the ,lord1 for it was without so much as a thought in me2 yet were all obstructions removed1 all attempts for others crossed1 and my spirit so held that ,i durst not oppose it1 but was obliged to submit to the desires of those who were the most competent judges40 #b4 ,accordingly1 ,april #bf1 #agaj1 he was by the principal of the college admitted into his professorship4 ,but he enjoyed little health in that office3 for in the beginning of ,april1 #agaa1 he was suddenly seized with a violent pleurisy1 which obliged his physicians to take from him a large quantity of blood2 and although he was relieved from the disease1 he never recovered his strength1 by reason of the indisposition of his stomach1 and frequent vomitings4 ,hereupon ensued1 in the following winter1 a coldness1 swelling and stiffness in his legs1 with frequent and very painful cramps4 ,but besides his bodily illness1 the grievances of the church did not a little add to his trouble3 especially the imposing the oath of abjuration upon ministers1 which he feared might have fatal effects1 from the difference of their sentiments1 concerning the lawfulness of it4 ,his advice upon it was1 that after all due information1 every one should act according to the light he had4 ,but what he most of all inculcated was1 that their differing about the meaning of an expression therein1 gave no just ground for any alienation of affection1 much less for separation1 either amongst ministers or people4 duplicate word 8in0 removed ,the ,end of the ,,tenth ,,volume4 ,,errata1 ,volume ,x4 ,page #f1 line #a1 replace ,whitson ,page #ah1 line #c1 replace excelsaque ,page #cb1 line #i1 replace unnecessarily ,page #dc1 line #ae1 replace to forgive ,page #dg1 line #i1 replace to any ,page #eg1 line #a1 replace not done ,page #ei1 line #a1 replace of the flesh1 the desire ,page #fg1 line #ba1 replace them too ,page #hf1 line #ag1 replace meditations ,page #acb1 line #bh1 replace remarkably ,page #agb1 line #ae1 replace built just4 ,page #bac1 line #i1 replace at this ,page #bai1 line #b1 replace #afcc ,page #bbd1 line #bc1 replace upon them ,page #bcb1 line antepenult1 replace help him ,page #bed1 line #e1 replace if he ,page #bga1 line #c1 replace where ,page #bgf1 line #d1 replace threw ,page #bgf1 line #bf1 replace given up inward ,page #bii1 line #bd1 replace actings ,page #cjc1 line #ac1 replace had done ,page #cad1 line #d1 replace sin ,page #cad1 line #ba1 replace are with ,page #cch1 line #aa1 replace on my