,transcriber's ,note ,italic text displayed as3 italic ,bones and ,i ,illustration3 8,contemplating my companion40 ,page #fe47 ,bones and ,i4 ,frontispiece ,bones and ,i or ,the ,skeleton at ,home ,by ,g4 ,j4 ,whyte-,melville ,author of 8,market ,harborough10 8,katerfelto10 8,cerise10 8,satanella10 etc4 ,illustrated by ,a4 ,forestier ,london ,ward1 ,lock ,co41 ,limited ,new ,york and ,melbourne ,,contents ,,chap4 ,,page ,introduction #g ,i4 8,on ,waste0 #ae ,,ii4 ,through the ,mill #cb ,,iii4 ,gourds #dh ,,iv4 ,a ,vampire #fe ,v4 ,gold for ,silver #ajb ,,vi4 ,a ,day that is ,dead #abb ,,vii4 ,the ,four-leaved ,shamrock #adj ,,viii4 ,rus in ,urbe #afb ,,ix4 ,haunted #ahd ,x4 ,weight ,carriers #bja ,,xi4 ,shadows #bbj ,,xii4 ,guinevere #bcg #8,,bones ,,and ,i' ,,or1 ,,the ,,skeleton ,,at ,,home ,,introduction ,long ago1 visiting the monastery of ,la ,trappe1 ,i was struck with the very discontented appearance of its inmates4 ,in some of their faces1 indeed1 ,i detected no expression whatever1 but on none could ,i perceive the slightest gleam of satisfaction with their lot4 ,no wonder3 few men are of the stuff that makes a good recluse4 ,the human animal is naturally gregarious1 like the solan goose1 the buffalo1 the monkey1 or the mackerel4 ,put him by himself1 he pines for lack of mental aliment1 just as a flower fades for want of daylight in the dark4 ,a multitude of fools forms an inspiriting spectacle1 a solitary specimen becomes a sad and solemn warning4 ,if the ,trappists1 who are not entirely isolated from their kind1 thus wither under the rigour of those repressive rules enjoined by the ,order1 what must have been the condition of such hermits and anchorites as passed whole months1 and even years together1 in the wilderness1 unvisited by anything more human than the distempered phantoms of their dreams8 ,no shave1 no wash1 no morning greeting1 and no evening wine4 ,how many1 ,i wonder1 preserved their sanity in the ordeal8 ,how many1 returning dazed and bewildered to the haunts of men1 tottered about in helpless1 wandering1 maundering imbecility8 ,were there not some hard1 boisterous natures who plunged wildly into the excesses of a world so long forsworn1 with all the appetite of abstinence1 all the reckless self-abandonment of the paid-off man-of-war's man on a spree8 ,no2 few people are qualified for recluses4 ,i am proud to be amongst the number4 ,i live in a desert1 but my desert is in the very heart of ,london4 ,the waste is all round me though2 ,i have taken good care of that4 ,once1 indeed1 it blossomed like the rose1 for a thousand fertilising streams trickled through its bright expanse4 ,do not you as ,i did4 ,i turned all the streams into one channel1 8in the sweet summer-time long ago10 and 8sat by the river10 like those poor fools in the song1 and said1 8,go to6 ,now ,i shall never thirst again60 ,but in the night there came a landslip from the upper level1 and choked the river1 turning its course through my neighbour's pastures1 so that the meadows1 once so green and fresh1 are bare and barren now for evermore4 ,i speak in parables1 of course2 and the value of 8this here observation10 like those of ,captain ,bunsby1 8lies in the application of it40 ,i need not observe1 the street in which ,i hide myself is a cul de sac4 ,a man who sells chickweed1 perhaps ,i should say1 who would sell chickweed if he could1 is the only passenger4 ,of the houses on each side of me1 one is unfinished1 the other untenanted4 ,over the way1 ,i confront the dead wall at the back of an hospital4 ,towards dusk in the late autumn1 when the weather is breaking1 ,i must admit the situation is little calculated to generate over-exuberance of animal spirits4 ,sequestered1 no doubt1 shady too1 particularly in the short days1 and as remote from the noise or traffic of the town as ,john o' ,groat's house1 but enlivening--,no4 ,on first beginning to reside here1 ,i confess ,i felt at times a little lonely and depressed4 ,therefore ,i brought home 8,bones0 to come and live with me4 ,and who is 8,bones08 ,ah6 that is exactly what ,i have never been able to find out4 ,contemplative1 affable1 easily pleased1 and an admirable listener1 he is yet on some points reserved to a degree that might almost be termed morose2 while in his personal appearance there is a dignity of bearing1 an imposing presence1 which forbids the most intimate associate to attempt a liberty4 ,i will describe him as ,i see him at this moment1 reclining in an easy attitude on the cushions of my favourite arm-chair1 benevolently interested1 it would seem1 in my lightest movements1 while ,i sit smoking silently by the fire4 ,neither of us are great talkers quite so early in the evening4 ,he is a well-formed and very complete skeleton of middle height--perfect in every respect1 and in all his articulations1 with the exception of two double teeth absent from the upper jaw4 ,the arch of his lower ribs is peculiarly symmetrical1 and his vertebr are put in with a singular combination of flexibility and strength4 ,as ,i look at him now leaning back in a graceful attitude1 with one thigh-bone thrown carelessly over the other1 he reminds me of so many people ,i knew when ,i lived in the world1 that ,i seem to fancy myself once more a denizen of that revolving purgatory which goes by the name of general society4 ,poor ,a---- was almost as fleshless1 ,b---- much more taciturn1 and ,c---- decidedly not so good-looking4 8,bones10 however1 possesses a quality that ,i have never found in any other companion4 ,his tact is beyond praise4 ,under no circumstances does he become a bore--that is why we get on so admirably together4 ,like a ghost1 he speaks only when spoken to4 ,unlike a wife1 refrains from monopolising the last word4 ,if he didn't rattle so on the slightest movement--a fault of anatomy1 indeed1 rather than temper--as a companion he would be--perfection4 ,it is a dull1 close evening4 ,were it not so near winter one might predict a thunderstorm4 ,the smoke from my meerschaum winds upwards in thin blue wreaths1 uninfluenced by a breath of outward air1 though the windows are open to the deserted street1 black and silent as the grave4 ,my lamp is not yet lit 7we both affect a congenial gloom71 the fire is burning out1 but there is a dull red glow like a fever-spot lowering under a volcanic arch of cinders2 and looking into it with unwinking eyes1 ,i see the long-drawn1 weary1 beaten road that leads backward through a life4 ,i see a child set down to run alone1 half-frightened1 laughing1 trusting1 almost happy1 and altogether gay4 ,i see a youth bold1 healthful1 courageous1 full of an impossible chivalry1 a romantic generosity that delights to lavish no matter what--money1 love1 hope1 happiness1 coining heart and intellect into gold that he may squander it on the passers-by4 ,i see a strong man crushed--a proud head grovelling in the dust1 a high spirit broken1 a cowering wretch imploring that his punishment may be lightened ever such a little1 trembling and wincing like a slave beneath the scourge4 ,at this moment the fire falls in with a crash1 while a pale yellow flame leaps flickering out of the midst1 and starting from my seat to light our lamp for the rest of the evening1 ,i demand aloud1 8,what then is the purpose of ,creation8 ,from a quenched rushlight to an extinct volcano1 from the squeak of a mouse to yesterday's leading article1 from a mite smothered in a cheese to an ,emperor murdered in ,mexico1 is the march of ,time but the destructive progress of a bull in a china-shop8 ,are the recurring centuries but so many ciphers added to the sum of a thriftless1 objectless expenditure8 ,is the so-called economy of the universe but an unbridled1 haphazard course of boundless and incalculable waste80 ,his backbone creaks uncomfortably while he moves in his chair4 8,waste80 he repeats in the hushed1 placid tones that make him so invaluable as a companion--8,waste8 ,the subject is by no means limited4 ,i have some experience in it of my own4 ,would you favour me with your ideas80--and ,i go off at score with-- ,,chapter ,i 8,,on ,,waste0 8,why are these things so80 ,i exclaim1 plumping down again into my seat4 8,why have the times been out of joint ever since ,hamlet's first appearance on the stage1 with black tights and rosettes in his shoes8 ,why is the whole world still at sixes and sevens8 ,what is the object of it all8 ,cui bono8 cui bono8 cui bono8 ,is there the slightest appearance of a result8 ,any tendency towards a goal8 ,shall we ever get anywhere1 or are we travelling perpetually in a circle1 like squirrels in a cage1 convicted pickpockets on the treadmill8 ,by the way1 who convicted the pickpockets1 and sentenced them8 ,the sitting magistrate1 of course2 and do the awards of that worthy functionary produce any definite result in the direction of good order and morality1 or must his daily incubation1 too1 be wasted upon addled eggs8 ,do you remember the story of the man who cut his throat because he was so tired of dressing and undressing every day8 ,don't shake your head--,i beg pardon1 your skull--you told it me yourself4 ,i can appreciate his prejudices1 but how did he know there might not be buttons and buttonholes where he was going8 ,that is1 supposing he went anywhere--if he didn't1 he was wasted altogether4 ,if he did1 perhaps he was of no use when he got there4 ,wasted again--only a human life after all4 ,not much when you think of it amongst the millions that cling about this old globe of ours1 rising1 swarming1 disappearing like the maggots on a dead horse1 but of no light importance to the bearer when you remember its weight of sorrows1 anxieties1 disappointments1 and responsibilities1 not to mention the ,black ,care sitting heavily at the top to keep the whole burden in its place4 ,life is a bubble1 they say4 ,very well---but is it blown from a soap-dish by a school-boy1 rising heavenward1 tinted with rainbow hues1 to burst only when at its most beautiful and its best8 ,or is it not rather a bubble gurgling to the surface from the agonised lungs of some struggling wretch drowning far below in the dark1 pitiless water1 #8,unknell'd1 uncoffin'd1 and unknown'8 --,wasted1 too1 unless the fish eat him1 and then who knows8 ,none of us perhaps may ever eat the fish4 8,listen to me4 ,i won't make your flesh creep1 for unanswerable reasons4 ,i don't even think ,i shall freeze the marrow in your bones4 ,i could tell you some strange stories1 but ,i dare say your own experiences are more remarkable than mine4 ,i will only ask you to reflect on the amount of suffering that came under our daily notice when we lived in the world1 and say whether every pang of mind or body1 every tear shed or swallowed down1 every groan indulged or repressed1 were anything but sheer waste8 ,can you not recall a hundred instances of strength sapped by drink1 of intellect warped by madness1 of beauty fading under neglect1 or withered by disappointment8 ,here a pair of lives are wasted because they must needs run out their course in different grooves--there two more are utterly thrown away1 because1 encompassed in a golden link1 they can by no means shake themselves free4 ,the fairest of all1 it may be1 and the most promising1 never blooms into perfection for want of its congenial comrade 7wasted too1 perhaps1 at the antipodes71 and failing thus to reach maturity1 dwindles1 dwarfed and unmated1 to the grave4 ,think of ,beauty wasted on the ,beast--the ,beast1 too1 utterly out of his element1 that he must roll on the garden sward rather than labour in the teeming furrow4 ,look at ,hercules spell-bound in the lap of ,omphale1 broad-fronted ,antony enervated by black-browed ,cleopatra4 ,consider the many ,messrs4 ,caudle who lavish as much good-humour as would set up a dozen households on their legal nightmares1 and do not forget poor ,miss ,prettyman pining in lonely spinsterhood over the way4 ,see the mother training up her child1 impressing on him1 far more forcibly than she feels them for herself1 lessons of honour1 truth1 probity1 and the unspeakable blessing of faith--praying her heart out for that wilful little urchin1 night and morning on her knees4 ,a good ,christian with humble hopes of heaven1 does she know that1 far more lavishly than those heathen termagants in hell1 she is pouring water in a sieve8 ,does she know she may live to see that smooth1 soft1 wondering brow scored deep with sorrow1 or lowering black with sin--that round rosy cheek hollowed by depravity1 or bloated with excess8 ,worst of all1 the merry1 guileless heart embittered by falsehood1 and hardened with ill-usage till it has ceased to feel for others1 even for itself6 ,great ,heaven6 have we not seen them--these simple1 honest1 manly hearts1 taken by some soft-eyed demon with loving ways1 and sweet angelic smile1 to be kept carefully1 to be watched jealously1 till their fabric has been thoroughly studied1 then broken deftly and delicately1 yet with such nice art that they can never mend again1 and so1 politely #8,returned1 with thanks'8 8,forgive me3 on such anatomical outrages ,i have no right to expect you should feel so warmly as myself4 8,millions of creatures1 beautiful exceedingly1 scour over the desert plains of explored ,africa2 in its unknown regions1 millions more may be supposed to feed1 and gambol1 and die4 ,what is the use of them8 ,if you come to that1 what was the use of the ,emperor ,theodore1 or the ,king of the ,cannibal ,islands1 or any other potentate who remains utterly unimpressed when we threaten #8to break off diplomatic relations'8 8,myriads of insects wheel about us in the sun's declining rays every summer's evening4 ,again1 what is the use of them8 ,what is the use of the dragon-fly1 the bumble-bee1 the speckled toad1 the blue-nosed monkey1 the unicorn1 the wild elephant1--or1 indeed1 the ,ojibbeway ,indians80 ,here1 contrary to his custom1 8,bones0 interrupted me in full career4 8,one moment10 said he1 with his courteous grin4 8,allow me to point out that yours is inadmissible1 as being simply an argumentum ad absurdum4 ,it would hold equally good with ,lotard1 ,mr4 ,beales1 or any other public exhibitor--nay1 you might advance it for suppression of the ,lord ,mayor or the ,archbishop of ,canterbury40 ,he bowed reverentially while he mentioned the last-named dignitary2 and ,i confess ,i was inclined to admit the truth of his remark4 8,then ,i waive the question10 ,i replied1 8as regards the brute creation1 though ,i think ,i could find something to say1 too1 about the weasel sucking rabbits1 the heron gobbling fish1 the hawk striking its quarry1 or the hounds running into their fox4 ,but we will suppose that the whole animal world1 from the angler's lob-worm to the costermonger's donkey1 is enjoying its paradise here1 and return to our own kind1 their sorrows1 their sufferings1 and1 natural consequence of sorrow and suffering1 their sins40 ,he shook his skull gently1 and muttered something in his spinal vertebr about 8a cart0 and 8a horse10 but ,i took no notice1 and proceeded with dignity-- 8,i have learnt my ,latin ,grammar1 and almost the only one of its precepts ,i have not forgotten impresses on me that-- #8,spades turn up wealth1 the stimulant of crime4' ,i suppose you will not dispute that the root of all evil is money80 8,most emphatically10 he exclaimed1 and his articulations rattled with startling vehemence4 8,most emphatically ,i deny the position4 ,a man may roll in wealth and be none the worse for it4 ,on the contrary1 poverty1 but for the unremitting labour it demands1 would be far more conducive to crime than a sufficiency1 or even a superfluity of means4 ,no2 the real enemy with whom every man has to contend confronts him in the morning at his glass1 and sticks persistently to him throughout the day4 ,the source of most unhappiness1 the cause of all ill-doing1 the universal origin of evil1 is not money1 but self----0 8,you mean selfishness10 ,i retorted2 8and ,i am surprised to hear a man of the world--,i mean of the other world1 or1 indeed1 of any world whatever--assert so obvious a fallacy4 ,just as the liver1 and not the heart1 is the seat of our real well-being1 so ,i maintain that self-indulgence1 and not self-sacrifice1 is the origin1 the mainspring1 the motive power of all effort1 progress1 improvement1 moral1 social1 and physical4 ,researches of science1 triumphs of art1 masterpieces of genius1--what are these but results of the same instinct that directs the bee to the flower-garden1 the vulture to the carcase8 ,to eat is the first necessity of man4 ,he labours that he may live4 ,grant this1 as you cannot but concede the position to be unassailable1 and you talk to me in vain of sentiment1 philanthropy1 benevolence1 all the loathsome affectations of sympathy with which the earth-worm tries to impose upon its kind4 ,a man begins by being honest4 ,why8 ,because without honesty1 down the particular groove in which he spins1 he cannot earn his daily bread4 ,when he has enough of this and to spare1 he turns his attention to decent apparel1 a commodious house1 a general appearance of respectability2 that is1 he aims at being respectable--in other words1 at imposing on those who have been less successful in the universal scramble than himself4 ,soon he buys a warming-pan1 a ,dutch oven1 china ornaments for his chimney-piece1 and the ,history of the ,prodigal to hang about his walls4 ,by degrees1 as wealth increases1 he moves into a larger residence1 he rolls upon wheels1 he replaces the china ornaments with a ,french clock2 the ,prodigal ,son with modern oil-paintings1 and hides the warming-pan in the housemaid's closet up-stairs4 ,about this period he begins to subscribe to charitable institutions1 to give away what he does not want1 to throw little pellets of bread at the monster who is always famished and always roaring out of doors1 lest it should come in1 and snatch the roast beef off his table4 ,some day a team of black horses with nodding plumes1 and a red-nosed driver1 come to take him away1 #8very much respected1' and1 forgive the personality1 there is an end of him1 as far as we are concerned4 ,will you tell me that man's life has not been a continual concession to self8--waste1 waste1 utter waste1 from the pap-boat that preserved his infancy1 to the brass-nailed coffin that protects his putridity from contact with the earth to which he returns8 ,why his very virtues1 as he called them1 were but payments1 so to speak1 keeping up the insurance for his own benefit1 which he persuaded himself he had effected on the other world4 8,now1 supposing the pap-boat had been withheld1 or the nurse had tucked him into his cradle upside down1 or--thus saving some harmless woman a deal of inconvenience and trouble--supposing he had never been born at all1 would he have been missed1 or wanted8 ,would not the world have gone on just as well without him8 ,has not his whole existence been a mistake8 ,the food he ate1 the clothes he wore1 the house he lived in--were not these simply wasted8 ,his efforts were waste1 his wear-and-tear of body and mind were waste1 above all1 his sorrows and his sufferings were sheer1 unpardonable waste4 ,yes2 here ,i take my stand4 ,i leave you every enjoyment to be found in creation1 physical1 moral1 and intellectual4 ,i make you a present of the elephant wallowing in his mud-bath1 and the midge wheeling in the sun2 ,i give you ,juliet at her window1 and ,archimedes in his study2 but ,i reserve the whale in her death-flurry1 and the worm on its hook4 ,i appeal to ,jephthah sorrowing for his darling1 and ,rachel weeping for her children4 ,i repeat1 if that self-care1 which indeed constitutes our very identity1 be the object of existence1 then all those tearful eyes that blur the light of every rising sun--all those aching hearts that long only for night to be eternal--are but so many witnesses to the predominance in creation of a lavish and unaccountable waste40 ,like many thoughtful and deliberate natures1 ,i am persuaded that in early life 8,bones0 must have been a snuff-taker4 ,he affects a trick of holding his fleshless finger and thumb pressed together and suspended in air1 before he delivers himself of an opinion1 that can only have originated in a practice he has since been compelled1 for obvious reasons1 to forego4 ,pausing during several seconds in this favourite attitude1 he sank gravely back in his chair1 and replied-- 8,false logic1 my good friend4 ,false premises1 and a false conclusion4 ,i deny them all2 but the weather1 even in my light attire1 feels somewhat too close for wordy warfare4 ,besides1 ,i hold with you1 that an ounce of illustration is worth a pound of argument4 ,i will ask you1 therefore1 as ,i know you have been in ,cheshire1 ,high ,leicestershire1 and other cattle-feeding countries1 whether you ever watched a dairymaid making a cheese8 ,if so1 you must have observed how strong and pitiless a pressure is required to wring the moisture out of its very core4 ,my friend1 the human heart is like a cheese6 ,to be good for anything1 the black drop must be wrung out of it1 however tight the squeeze required1 however exquisite the pain4 ,therefore it is1 that we so often see the parable of the poor man's ewe lamb enacted in daily life4 ,one1 having everything the world can bestow1 is nevertheless further endowed with that which his needy brother would give all the rest of the world to possess4 ,for the first1 the pressure has not yet been put on1 though his time1 too1 may come by-and-by4 ,for the second1 that one darling hope1 it may be1 represents the little black drop left1 and so it must be wrung out1 though the heart be crushed into agony in the process4 ,you talk of suffering being pure waste2 ,i tell you it is all pure gain4 ,you talk of self as the motive to exertion2 ,i tell you it is the abnegation of self which has wrought out all that is noble1 all that is good1 all that is useful1 nearly all that is ornamental in the world4 ,shut the house-door on him1 and the man must needs go forth to work in the fields4 ,it is not the dreamer wrapped in his fancied bliss1 from whom you are to expect heroic efforts1 either of mind or body4 ,you must dig your goad into the ox to make him use his latent strength2 you must drive your spurs into the horse to get out of him his utmost speed4 ,wake the dreamer roughly--drive spurs and goad into his heart4 ,he will wince and writhe1 and roll and gnash his teeth1 but ,i defy him to lie still4 ,he must up and be doing1 from sheer torture1 flying to one remedy after another till he gets to work1 and so finds distraction1 solace1 presently comfort1 and1 after a while1 looking yet higher1 hope1 happiness1 and reward4 8,self1 indeed6 ,he is fain to forget self1 because that therewith is bound up so much1 it would drive him mad to remember2 and thus sorrow-taught1 he merges his own identity in the community of which he is but an atom1 taking his first step1 though at a humble and immeasurable distance1 in the sacred track of self-sacrifice1 on which1 after more than eighteen hundred years1 the footprints are still fresh1 still ineffaceable4 ,waste1 forsooth6 ,let him weep his heart out if he will6 ,i tell you that the deeper the furrows are scored1 the heavier shall be the harvest1 the richer the garnered grain4 ,i tell you1 not a tear falls but it fertilises some barren spot1 from which hereafter shall come up the fresh verdure of an eternal spring in that region #8,where there's fruit in the gardens of heaven1 from the hope that on earth was betrayed2 ,where there's rest for the soul1 life-wearied1 that hath striven1 and suffered1 and prayed4' 8,i'm rather tired4 ,i won't discuss the question any further4 ,i'll go back into my cupboard1 if you please4 ,good-night60 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,through ,,the ,,mill ,most people are ashamed of their skeletons1 hiding them up in their respective cupboards as though the very ownership were a degradation--alluding to them1 perhaps1 occasionally in the domestic circle1 but ignoring them utterly before the world--a world that knows all about them the while1--that has weighed their skulls1 counted their ribs1 and can tell the very recesses in which they are kept4 ,now1 in my opinion1 to take your skeleton out and air him on occasion1 is very good for both of you4 ,it brings him to his proper dimensions1 which are apt to become gigantic if he is hidden too scrupulously in the dark1 and it affords opportunities for comparison with other specimens of the same nature entertained by rival proprietors in the line4 ,if ,i kept mine1 as some do1 in close confinement1 ,i should be in a continual fidget about his safety2 above all1 ,i should dread his breaking out at untoward seasons1 when he was least expected1 and least desired4 ,but 8,bones and ,i0 have no cause to be ashamed of each other4 ,there is no disgrace nor discomfort attached to either of us in our cheerful companionship4 ,he is good enough to express satisfaction with his present lodging1 and even affirms that he finds it airy and commodious1 as compared with his last2 while it is a real pleasure to me1 living as ,i do so much alone1 to have a quiet1 intelligent companion1 with whom ,i can discuss the different phases of existence1 speculative and real1--the sower who never reaps--the fools who are full of bread1 roses for one1 thorns for another2 here over-ripe fruit1 there grapes sour1 though by no means out of reach2 successful bows drawn at a venture1 well-aimed shafts that never attain the mark1 impossible hopes1 unavailing regrets--the baseless mirage of the ,future1 and the barren reality of the ,past4 ,it was colder last night4 ,the wind was getting up in those fitful howls which denote the commencement of a two-days' gale2 veering besides from east by north to east northeast4 ,so we made fast the shutters1 stirred the fire1 and drew our chairs in for a comfortable chat4 ,something in the sound of that waking blusterer out of doors recalled to me1 ,i know not why1 the image of a good ship1 many long years ago1 beating on the wide ,atlantic against a head-wind1 that seemed to baffle her the more for every plunge she made4 ,no steam had she to help her struggle against the elements2 tough hemp1 patched canvas1 and spars as yet unsprung1 were all her reliance2 and these strained1 flapped1 and creaked to some purpose while she battled foot by foot to lie her course4 ,again ,i seemed to watch the dark wave race by our quarter1 with its leaping crest of foam1 the trickling deck1 the battened hold1 the diving bowsprit1 the dripping spars1 the soaking canvas1 with its row of reef-points like the notes on a music-score4 ,and the grey1 sullen curtain of mist and rain1 walking on the waters1 nearer1 nearer1 till it dashed its needle-pointed drops into my face4 ,again ,i looked admiringly on the men at the wheel1 with their pea-jackets1 glazed hats1 sea-going mits1 keen1 wary glances1 and minute wrinkles about the eyes4 ,again ,i heard the pleasant voice of the bravest1 cheeriest skipper that ever stood five feet two1 and weighed fifteen stone1 while he accosted me with his 8,dirty weather1 sir1 and looks sulky to windward still4 ,makes her drive piles1 as we say1 and speak ,spanish about the bows2 but she behaves beautifully6 ,bless you1 she likes it6 ,yes1 ,i expect we shall have it hotter and heavier too1 after sundown4 ,a head-wind1 no doubt4 ,i've just been jotting off the reckoning2 you'll find the chart below1 in my cabin4 ,we've made a longer leg than common on the starboard tack4 ,i've left a pencil-mark at the exact spot where we went about4 ,steady1 men0 7this to the glazed hats74 8,luff1 and be d----d to you6 ,can't ye see it coming80 ,so ,i went below and conned the captain's chart thoughtfully enough1 comparing our great expenditure of energy with the small results attained1 and wondering how we were ever to make our port at last4 ,the scene thus conjured up awoke its corresponding fancies4 8,have you never reflected10 said ,i1 8on the utter fallacy of that ,french proverb which affirms1 #8,ce n'est que le premier pas qui cote'8 ,unless indeed it refers to immorality1 the downward career of which beats the rolling stone of ,sisyphus in a canter4 ,but on all other journeys through life1 it seems to me that not only the first steps1 but the first leagues1 are intensely laborious and unsatisfactory4 ,disappointment lies in wait at every milestone1 and the traveller feels tired already ere he has reached the crest of the first hill4 ,all crowns1 ,i grant you1 like those of the ,isthmian ,games1 are mere parsley at best2 but in these days no competitor ever wins that worthless head-dress till he is so bald that common decency demands a covering4 ,where are the heaven-born statesmen now1 to rule the destinies of continents at twenty-six8 the generals and admirals1 who became world-wide heroes within ten years of corporal punishment at school8 the poets full-fledged in immortality before their whiskers were grown8 ,where1 in short1 will you point me out a single instance of any individual attaining fame until his zest for it has passed away--winning his pedestal till his poor legs are too tired to stand straight thereon--making his fortune till he is too old to enjoy it2 or1 indeed1 getting anything he wants when he wants it8 ,lazarus has no dinner--,dives has no appetite--,struggler1 who thinks he has both1 is sure to be kept waiting that extra half-hour1 which sickens him1 and finds he can't eat his soup when it comes6 8,what up-hill work it is1 that beginning of the pilgrimage4 ,and how confidently we start in the glorious ignorance of youth1 heads erect1 backs straightened1 footsteps springing like a deer1 with an utter disregard of warning1 a sovereign contempt for advice4 ,like myself1 ,i doubt not you have scaled many a hill1 even when you carried more flesh than you do now4 ,don't you remember1 in the clear1 pure mountain air1 how near the top looked from the valley down below8 ,don't you remember how1 about noonday1 still full of strength and spirit1 though having done a stalwart spell of work1 you spied the ridge that you were convinced must be your goal1 and strained on1 panting1 heated1 labouring1 yet exultant1 because success was so nearly within your grasp8 ,a few more strides--hurrah6 your chin is level with the ridge1 and lo6 there is another precisely similar to be surmounted at about the same angle and the same distance4 ,not yet discouraged1 only a little startled and annoyed2 till another and another have been gained1 and so surprise becomes disappointment1 vexation1 misgiving1 discomfiture1 and lastly1 but to the strongest natures1 despair6 ,even with these1 when the real summit has been at length attained1 all their long-looked-for enjoyment resolves itself into the negative satisfaction of rest2 and for one who thus arrives exhausted at his destination1 think how many a footsore1 quivering1 way-wearied wanderer must lie out all night shelterless1 on the barren1 wind-swept hill4 8,it seems that the process1 termed at ,newmarket #8putting a race-horse through the mill1' is practised with the human subject till he has learned the disheartening lesson that labour pushed to exhaustion borders on pain--that heartbreaking efforts1 while they lower the tone of our whole system1 are apt to destroy the very efficiency they are intended to enhance4 ,i have heard good judges affirm that even at ,newmarket they are apt to overtrain their horses4 ,do you not think that we1 too1 should run the race of life on better terms were we not put so pitilessly #8through the mill'80 ,here my companion allowed himself a mild gesture of dissent1 clasping his bony fingers over his knotted knees1 as if prepared to go into the subject at length4 8,you are one of those people10 said he1 8who seem to think the world is intended for a place of uninterrupted rest and enjoyment--a sort of #8,fiddler's ,green1' as sailors term their paradise1 where it is to be #8beer and skittles' every day and all day long4 ,you would have no #8small end to the horn1' as my friends over the water say2 and what sort of music do you think you could blow out of it8 ,you would have food without hunger1 rest without labour1 energy without effort4 ,you would be always going down-hill1 instead of up4 ,and think where your journey would end at last6 ,you object to the mill1 you say1 and yet it is that same process of grinding which converts the grain into flour fit for bread4 ,look at the untried man1 the youth embarking on his career1 vain1 ignorant1 sanguine1 over-confident1 prejudiced4 ,how is he to learn his own powers1 his capabilities of endurance1 his energy under difficulties1 above all1 his readiness of resource1 save by repeated disappointment and reverse8 ,you have alluded to statesmen1 commanders1 and poets1 who1 in seven-leagued boots1 as it were1 reached the top of the hill at one stride4 ,but ,pitt's was an abnormal temperament--a grey head upon green shoulders--an old man's heart beating its regular pulsations within the slender compass of a young man's waistcoat4 ,nelson's chivalrous and romantic disposition preserved him from the overweening vanity and self-esteem that might have been looked for as the result of such brilliant achievements at so early an age4 ,his mad1 absorbing passion1 too1 may have scored many a furrow in the hero's heart1 while his young brow remained smooth and fair as marble4 #8,on vieillit bientt sur le champ de bataille6' and the first ,napoleon's aphorism holds good no surer on the field of honour than in the lists of love4 ,shelley's fate was scarcely an enviable one2 and did you like ,byron any better after you had read his letters and learned the demoralising effects1 even on such genius as his1 of temples crowned by an immortal ,fame1 ere yet the beard had sprouted on his chin8 8,alexander of ,macedon1 indeed1 conquered the world before he was thirty1 and--drank himself to death ere he had reached his prime6 8,the fact that he does not care one straw about it1 is the very antidote to preserve a man from the subtle poison of success4 ,he who has been long climbing the ladder finds that when he looks over the parapet all sense of elevation and consequent giddiness is gone4 ,whatever others may think1 to his own perceptions he is on a level with the rest of his kind--can judge of them1 and for them1 from the same point of view2 and1 more important still1 experiences no misgivings that he may topple down and break his neck4 ,ambition is a glorious lure1 no doubt1 tempting the climber to noble efforts1 skilful1 vigorous1 and well-sustained4 ,but when he has reached the fancied resting-place so ardently desired1 what does he find8 ,a keener air1 a scantier foothold1 a sentry-box instead of a feather-bed1 a stern necessity for further exertion1 where he expected indulgence and enjoyment and repose4 8,duty is a cold-eyed monitress1 reserved1 inflexible1 severe2 ,ambition1 a high-born lady1 haughty1 capricious1 unfeeling1 like those dainty dames of old patrician ,rome1 #8,who in ,corinthian mirrors their own proud smiles behold2 ,who breathe of ,capuan odours1 and shine in ,spanish gold2' ,pleasure1 a laughing1 lavish courtesan1 gay1 gaudy1 thoughtless1 slave to the impression of the hour4 ,this last you may buy at your will for a handful of silver1 or1 at most1 a talent of gold2 and there are few1 alas6 who have not learned how soon her false smile palls upon the fancy1 her painted cheek grows irksome to the eye4 ,the second you must woo1 with many a stealthy footstep1 many a cringing bow1 offering at her shrine truth1 honour1 self-respect1 to find1 if you are so fortunate as not to be discarded like a pair of worn-out gloves1 that you have only gathered a nut without a kernel1 after all4 ,for the first1 you must serve as ,jacob served1 through long years of labour1 patience1 and self-denial2 but when you have won your ,rachel at last1 she discloses for you all her glorious1 unfading beauty1 cleaving to you1 true and constant1 through good and evil1 the warmth and comfort of your hearth1 the light of your happy home4 8,when the courtesan has been paid off and dismissed in early youth1 the haughty lady wooed through long years of manhood1 and won1 to be despised1 in middle life1 this is the goddess you claim to be your bride1 and once wedded1 you will never leave her till you die4 8,the ,isthmian crown was indeed woven from humble parsley1 but do you think it could have borne a higher value had every leaf consisted of beaten gold8 ,which would you rather wear1 the bronze ,victoria ,cross1 or the ,star and ,ribbon of the ,garter8 ,depend upon it1 that to the young champion of the games1 flushed1 exulting1 treading upon air1 that vegetable coronal represented everything most desirable and precious in earth or heaven4 ,no2 it is the old experienced athlete1 the winner of a thousand prizes1 who has learned the intrinsic value of the article1 and who knows that its worth consists not in itself1 nor even in the victory it represents1 but in the strength of frame1 the speed of foot attained by training for its pursuit4 ,from many a long summer's day of toil and abstinence1 from panting lungs and aching muscles1 from brows covered with sweat1 and feet with dust1 he has wrested the endurance of the camel1 the strength of the ox1 and the footfall of the deer4 ,does he grudge his past labour8 ,not he1 thankful that he has been #8through the mill4' 8,i grant you the process is not entirely pleasant2 ,i grant you that effort is with many men a sensation of discomfort almost amounting to pain2 that self-denial is very difficult to most1 disappointment simply disgusting to all4 ,when the body feels weary1 the brain overtasked1 we are apt to think the meal is being bolted too fine1 the grinding becoming unnecessarily severe2 above all1 when that pitiless millstone comes crushing down upon the heart1 and pounds it to powder1 we cry aloud in our agony1 and protest that no sorrow was ever so unbearable as ours4 ,what mole working underground is so blind as humanity to its own good8 ,why1 that same grinding to powder is the only means by which the daintiest flour can be obtained4 ,the finest nature1 like the truest steel1 must be tempered in the hottest furnace2 so much caloric would be thrown away on an inferior metal4 ,capacity for suffering infers also capacity for achievement2 and who would grudge the pain about his brows1 when it reminded him he was wearing an imperial crown8 8,sooner or later the process must be undergone by all4 ,with some it goes on through a lifetime2 others get the worst of it over in a few years4 ,one man may have done with it altogether before his strength of mind or body has failed with declining age-- #8,dum nova canities--dum prima et recta senectus4' 8,his neighbour may have one foot in the grave before the grain has been thoroughly purged and sifted1 and refined to its purest quality1 but through the mill he must pass4 ,it is just as much a necessity of humanity as hunger or thirst1 or sorrow or decay4 ,there is no escape4 ,however long protracted1 it is inexorable1 unavoidable1 and effectual1 for #8,though the mills of ,god grind slowly1 ,yet they grind exceeding small4'0 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,gourds ,so ,jonah was exceeding glad of the ,gourd4 ,i can understand his feelings perfectly4 ,does it not happen to most of us1 at least once in a lifetime1 thus to be 8exceeding glad of the ,gourd10 and in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred with the same result8 8,nil violentum est perpetuum40 ,so surely as it comes up in a night1 so surely must it wither in a day4 ,you have been in a hot climate8 ,i don't intend any disagreeable allusion1 ,i mean the tropics1 ,i give you my honour6 ,do you not remember the delight of getting out of your tent1 or 8booth0 as we still call them at our village merry-makings1 to sit under anything like a tree or shrub1 where1 shaded from the sun1 you could catch the welcome breath of every breeze that blew8 ,the ,french officers in the ,crimea used to build for themselves trellised out-houses of branches interlaced1 swearing volubly the while1 and appearing to derive from these bowers no small comfort and refreshment4 ,i can imagine the astonishment of 8mon lieutenant0 when1 on waking in his tent1 he should have discovered1 like 8,jack and the ,beanstalk10 that one of these had sprung up for him1 unsolicited1 in a night4 ,how he would have stared1 and shrugged1 and gesticulated1 and cursed his star with less asperity1 and been 8exceeding glad of the ,gourd60 ,they are of many kinds1 these excrescences that grow up with such marvellous celerity to afford us an intense and illusive delight2 but they all resemble their prototype at ,nineveh1 in so far that1 ere the seed has yet germinated1 the worm is already prepared which shall smite the gourd1 and cause it to wither away4 ,there were hundreds of them shot to gigantic dimensions and exploded with the ,south ,sea bubble of the last century4 ,thousands owed their birth and disappearance to the railway fever of five-and-twenty years ago4 ,not a few were called into existence by a blockade of the ,southern ports1 during the late war of opinion in the ,united ,states1 and destroyed by its suspension at the peace4 ,it seems to be a law in the moral as in the physical world that the endurance of things must be in proportion to the length of time required to bring them to maturity4 ,the oak is said to be three hundred years in arriving at its prime1 and that its vigour is still unimpaired after a thousand changes of foliage we have ocular demonstration in many parts of ,england2 while the mustard-and-cress1 which can be raised in twenty minutes on a square of flannel dipped in hot water1 wastes and withers away in an hour4 ,the same in the animal creation4 ,like ,minerva from the brain of ,jove1 the butterfly springs into its sunny existence1 winged1 armed1 and clothed in gorgeous apparel1 all at once2 but when the night-breeze shakes the perfume from your garden-flowers1 and the evening bank of clouds is coming up from the west1 you look for that ephemeral masterpiece in vain4 ,now the elephant only attains his majority1 so to speak1 when between forty and fifty years of age2 therefore he has hardly become an 8old rogue0 at two hundred1 and the identical proboscis that saluted ,clyde1 or curled round the crushed remains of ,tippoo ,sahib's victims1 is to-day lowered in honour of our own jeunesse dore1 with whom a run through ,british ,india is considered little more of an expedition than a jaunt into ,welsh ,wales4 ,cornaro1 if ,i remember right1 fixes the normal duration of life1 in the ,mammalia1 at a term of five times the number of years required to reach their prime4 ,thus a dog1 he says1 comes to maturity at two1 and lives till ten2 a horse at five1 and lives till five-and-twenty2 and1 arguing by analogy1 a man1 who only attains his full strength at twenty-three or four1 should not1 therefore1 if he led a natural and rational life1 succumb till he had arrived at a hundred and fifteen or twenty years4 ,forbid it1 ,atropos6 for their sakes as well as ours4 ,think of the old fogies1 now sufficiently numerous1 who would overflow the clubs6 ,think1 when it came to our own turn1 of the numbers of ,gourds we should have raised1 outlived1 buried1 but1 alas6 not forgotten4 8,a fine old man1 sir60 said one of the best judges of human nature that ever fathered a proverb4 8,there's no such thing4 ,if his head or his heart had been worth anything1 they would have worn him out years ago60 8,you have got off the subject as usual10 objected ,bones1 8and are trenching on a topic of which you are far less qualified to speak than myself4 ,what do you know about the duration of life1 the ceaseless wear-and-tear1 the gradual decay1 the last flickers of the candle1 leaping up1 time after time1 with delusive strength1 until it goes out once for all8 ,you can tell where ,noah was1 but do you know where the candle went to when it left the great sea-captain in the dark8 ,not you6 ,never mind1 don't fret1 you will find out some day sure enough1 and be as wise as #8,tullus1 ,ancus1 good ,eneas1' and the rest of us6 ,in the meantime stick to your text4 ,the morbid spirit possesses you1 and well ,i know it will only come out of the man with much talking4 ,if it does you any good1 never mind me--fire away6 ,tell us something more about the ,gourd1 and the worm that smote it4 ,that is what you are driving at1 ,i feel sure40 8#8,morbid6'0 ,i repeated1 somewhat indignantly4 8,and why morbid1 ,i should like to know8 ,a man takes his stand1 as you and ,i do1 outside of1 and apart from1 the circling1 shifting mass of his fellow-creatures1 and makes his own observations1 uninfluenced by their clamour1 their customs1 their ridiculous prejudices and opinions1 confiding those observations unreservedly to one who should1 ex officio indeed1 be entirely free from the earthly trammels that cumber liberal discussion in general society1 and he is to be called morbid1 forsooth6 ,it was only one of your ghastly jests1 was it8 ,enough6 ,i am satisfied4 ,there can be no bone of contention--,i mean no subject of dispute--between you and me--we have not the ghost of a reason--,i mean the shadow of a cause--for disagreement4 ,i confess my weakness3 ,i own to a fatal tendency to digression4 ,one thought leads to another1 and they follow in a string1 like wild geese1 or heirs of entail1 #8velut unda supervenit undam4' ,by the way1 this very subject1 the association of ideas1 opens up a boundless field for speculation4 ,but ,i refrain--,i return to my ,gourd--,i am back in ,nineveh with the prophet once more4 ,nineveh1 in its imperial splendour1 gorgeous in ,eastern colouring1 sublime with ,eastern magnificence1 glittering with ,eastern decorations--solemn1 gloomy1 and gigantic2 grand in the massive dignity of size1 winged bulls hewn from the solid rock guard the long perspective of a thousand avenues1 leading to palaces that rise1 tier upon tier1 into the glowing sky4 ,lavish profusion--marble1 and bronze1 and gold--gleams and dazzles and flashes in the streets4 ,the palm-tree bends her graceful head earthward2 the aloe aims her angry spikes at heaven2 the camel1 with meek appealing eyes1 seems to protest against the bales of costly merchandise with which its back is piled2 the white elephant in scarlet trappings1 stolid and sagacious1 stands patient1 waiting for its lord2 throngs of dusky1 half-naked ,asiatics pass to and fro along the baking causeways2 loud bleatings of sheep1 lowings of oxen1 cries of parched1 thirsty animals resound in the suburbs2 while over all a ,southern sun blazes down with scorching fury1 and an east wind off the ,desert comes blustering in1 hot and stifling1 like a blast from hell4 8,so the prophet is #8exceeding glad of his ,gourd4' ,he will rest in its shade2 he will look pitifully on the broiling passers-by2 he will hug himself in that sense of comfort which human nature1 alas6 is too apt to experience from the very fact that others are in a worse condition than its own2 but even while he thus rejoices1 the worm has done its work--the ,gourd is withered up1 the sirocco suffocates his lungs1 the sun beats on his head1 and1 like the rest of us when we lose that which we choose to consider the one thing essential to our happiness1 he shows the white feather on the spot1 and says1 #8,it is better for me to die than to live4' 8,death never seems to come for those who wish it--though perhaps if the ,great ,liberator felt bound to appear every time he was invoked1 the cry might not be raised quite so often4 ,who is there that has not bowed his head in misery1 and wondered whether he could be so wretched anywhere else as here1 in the mocking sunlight1 with his ,gourd withered before his face8 ,it is gone--gone4 ,see6 ,there is the very spot on which it stood but yesterday1 so green1 so fresh1 so full of life1 so rich in promise6 ,and to-day--a blank6 ,it seems impossible6 ,ay1 that is perhaps the worst of the suffering--that numbed1 stupefied state1 which refuses for a time to grasp the extent of its affliction--that perverse and cowardly instinct which clings to a thread that it yet knows is wholly severed--which turns even ,hope to a curse1 because it makes her a bar to resignation4 ,few of us can boast more courage than ,jonah when the ,gourd is fairly withered away4 8,for one it has been riches1 perhaps1 comprising luxury1 position1 variety--all the advantages that spring from an abundance of worldly goods4 ,some fine morning1 ,fortune1 #8ludem insolentem ludere pertinax1' gives her wings a shake1 spreads them1 and flits away2 leaving in her place haggard ,want1 gaunt ,ruin1 bailiffs in the drawing-room1 furniture ticketed for sale up-stairs4 ,the children's rocking-horse1 the wife's pianoforte1 all the well-known trifles of daily use and ornament1 must be cast into the chasm1 as the ,romans threw their effects into that awkward rent in the ,forum4 ,and the master of the household is fortunate if he be not compelled1 like ,curtius1 to leap in after his goods4 ,his friends are astonished1 and bless themselves4 ,his relations had predicted the catastrophe long ago4 ,these1 of course1 turn their backs on him1 incontinently1 from motives of self-respect1 no doubt1 but a few of the former1 such as had professed to love him least1 lend a helping hand4 ,nevertheless1 the ,gourd is withered1 and the man1 faint and sick unto death1 only wishes his hour was come and he might lie down to be at rest4 8,or it has been a child--,god forbid it should have been an only one6 ,some golden-headed darling that used to patter down-stairs with you every morning to breakfast1 and stand at your elbow every night after dinner4 ,whose dancing eyes never met your own but with the merry1 saucy1 confiding glances that seldom outlast a fifth birthday1 and to whom you could no more have said an unkind word than you could cut off your right hand4 ,yesterday it was chasing butterflies across the lawn1 and you carried it yourself with laughing triumph1 rosy1 happy1 and hungry1 in to tea4 ,but the worm had begun its work1 even then4 ,this morning you missed the glad little voice at breakfast1 and1 looking at the jam on the table1 a sad misgiving1 stifled as soon as born1 shot through you like a knife4 ,it was pitiful to watch all day1 in the nursery1 by the little bed1--to see the golden head lying so listless1 the chubby hands so waxen and still1 the heavy lids drooping so wearily over the blue eyes that yet shone with a light you never saw in them before4 ,there rose a mist to dim your own when the patient little voice asked gently1 #8,is that papa8'--and noticing two or three neglected playthings on the counterpane1 you walked to the window and wept4 8,so the afternoon wore on1 and the doctor came1 and there was cruel hope and torturing suspense1 and a wrench that so stupefied you1 it is difficult to remember anything clearly afterwards1 though you have a dim perception of a pair of scissors severing some golden curls1 while nurse went down on her knees to pray4 8,and at sundown you walk out into your garden along the very path that brought you both home yesterday1 but you walk like a man in a dream1 for ringing in your ears is the wail that was heard of old in ,ramah1 and you know your darling is with the angels1 wondering feebly why that knowledge cannot console you more4 8,or perhaps your ,gourd was #8only a woman's love6'--not a growth1 certainly1 however exuberant1 on which a wise man should place so much dependence as on lignum vit1 for instance1 or heart-of-oak4 ,but1 so far as ,i can see1 either wise men do not fall in love1 or they allow wisdom to slip out of their grasp in the very act of making that fatal stumble4 ,so1 in defiance of all theory1 warning1 and practical experience1 you may have congratulated yourself with insane vehemence on the upspringing of this delicate exotic1 and looked forward to the passing of many happy hours under its shade4 ,you shut your eyes wilfully1 of course1 to the obvious fact that you never are happy1 even when in full accomplishment of your wishes you stretch your lazy length at the feet of your ,gourd4 ,there is sure to be an insect that stings1 or a sunbeam that dazzles1 or a cold wind in the nape of your neck4 ,nevertheless1 the vegetable1 so long as it exists1 is not only the delight of your heart1 but the very sustenance of your brain4 ,that is the fatal part of the disease4 ,your ,gourd connects itself with everything you think1 or do1 or say1 spreading her roots1 as it were1 over every foot of land you possess1 shutting out earth's horizon with her slender stem1 and1 worse than all1 poking her dainty head between you and heaven4 8,then1 when she withers up--a disappointment which1 to do her justice1 she is capable of inflicting in the loveliest weather and at the shortest notice--you find to your dismay that1 with her1 all the fair side of creation has withered too4 ,there is no more freshness in the meadows1 no more promise in the smile of spring4 ,the scent is gone from the garden-flowers1 the music from the song of birds4 ,summer's vivid glow has faded1 and the russet of autumn is no longer edged with gold4 ,hope's rosy hues have ceased to tinge the morning1 and the glory has departed from noonday4 8,like ,jonah1 you #8do well to be angry6' and it is well for you if you can be very angry indeed4 ,that stimulant will do more to heal your wound over than any other remedy ,i can think of1 except the planting of a fresh seedling to await another failure2 but ,god help you if yours is a nature less susceptible of wrath than of sorrow6 ,if you are brave1 generous1 forgiving1 confiding1 #8,je vous en fais mon compliment6' ,there is no more to be said4 ,where your ,gourd grew1 nothing green will ever spring up again6 ,what say you1 ,bones8 ,i think you and ,i are well out of the whole thing60 ,he waved his fleshless hand gently1 with the gesture of one who puts from him some dim and distant recollection4 8,there is a bitter flavour10 said he1 8about that remark which ,i should hardly have expected1 and which is by no means to my taste4 ,you and ,i can surely afford to look at these things from a comprehensive1 philosophical1 and indulgent point of view4 ,no more ,gourds are likely to grow for either of us2 and although your style of figure is1 perhaps1 less entitled to defy the worm than mine1 yet ,i think you have but little to fear from the kind which caused such an outbreak of temper in the disgusted prophet4 ,the whole story of the ,gourd1 ,i need not point out to you1 is a lesson4 ,it was intended as a lesson for ,jonah1 it is intended as a lesson for ourselves4 ,forgive me for observing that you seem to have entirely lost the point of it1 and1 as usual in our discussions1 you have sacrificed argument to declamation4 ,it is weak1 of course1 to be too much delighted with the ,gourd1 it is cowardly to be too much afraid of the worm1 but----0 8,there is one kind of worm ,i am horribly afraid of10 ,i interrupted1 for ,i admit ,i was a little nettled and out of temper4 8,and that80 he asked1 with the courtesy which distinguishes his manner under all circumstances4 8,is the borer-worm60 ,i replied1 brutally enough2 and ,i am afraid he was a little hurt1 for he rose at once and went into his cupboard1 while ,i walked off moodily to bed4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,a ,,vampire ,leaning idly against the chimney-piece the other night1 contemplating my companion in his usual attitude1 my elbow happened to brush off the slab a ,turkish coin of small value and utterly illegible inscription4 ,how strangely things come back to one6 ,i fancied myself once more on the yellow wave of the broad ,danube2 once more threading those interminable green hills that fringe its banks2 once more wondering whether the forest of ,belgrade had been vouchsafed to ,eastern ,europe as a type of ,infinity1 while its massive fortress1 with frowning rampart and lethargic ,turkish sentries1 was intended to represent the combination of courage and sloth1 of recklessness and imperturbability1 of apparent strength and real inefficiency1 which distinguishes most arrangements of the ,ottoman ,empire4 8,bakaloum0 and 8,bismillah60 8,take your chance60 and 8,don't care a d--n10 seem to be the watchwords of this improvident ,government4 ,it lets the ship steer herself2 and she makes1 ,i believe1 as bad weather of it as might be expected under such seamanship4 ,engrossed far less1 ,i admit1 with political considerations than with the picturesque appearance of a ,servian population attending their market1 ,i rather startled my friend with the abruptness of the following question3 8,do you believe there is such a thing as a ,vampire80 ,he rattled a little and almost rose to his feet1 but re-seating himself1 only rejoined1 8,why do you ask80 8,i was thinking10 ,i replied1 8of that romantic-looking peasantry ,i used to see thronging the market-place of ,belgrade4 ,of those tall1 handsome men1 with the scowl never off their brows1 their hands never straying far from the bellyful of weapons they carried in their shawls4 ,of those swarthy wild-eyed women1 with their shrill1 rapid voices1 their graceful1 impatient gestures1 carrying each of them the available capital of herself and family strung in coins about her raven hair1 while on every tenth face at least1 of both sexes1 could not fail to be observed the wan traces of that wasting disease which seems to sap strength and vitality1 gradually1 and almost surely1 as consumption itself4 ,yes1 ,i think for every score of peasants ,i could have counted two of these #8fever-faces1' as the people themselves call their ague-ridden companions1 though ,i ascertained after a while1 when ,i came to know them better1 that they attributed this decimation of their numbers1 and faded appearance of the victims1 rather to supernatural visitation than epidemic disease4 ,they believe that in certain cases1 where life has been unusually irregular1 or the rites of religion reprehensibly neglected1 the soul returns after death to its original tenement1 and the corpse becomes revivified under certain ghastly conditions of a periodical return to the tomb and a continual warfare against its kind4 ,an intermittent existence is only to be preserved at the expense of others1 for the compact1 while it permits reanimation1 withholds the blood1 #8which is the life thereof4' ,the stream must therefore be drained from friends1 neighbours1 early companions1 nay1 is most nourishing and efficacious when abstracted from the veins of those heretofore best beloved4 ,so the ,vampire1 as this weird being is called1 must steal from its grave in the dead of night1 to sit by some familiar bedside till the sleeper shall be steeped in the unconsciousness of complete repose1 and then puncturing a minute orifice in the throat1 will suck its fill till driven back to its resting-place by the crimson streaks of day4 ,night after night the visits must be repeated2 and so1 week by week1 the victim pines and droops and withers gradually away4 ,there is no apparent illness1 no ostensible injury1 but the frame dwindles1 the muscles fall1 the limbs fail1 the cheek fades1 and the death-look1 never to be mistaken1 comes into the great haggard1 hollow1 wistful eyes4 ,i have repeatedly asked the peasants whether they had ever met any of these supernatural visitants1 for they spoke of them so confidently1 one might have supposed the famished ghouls were flitting about the villages nightly2 but though presumptive evidence was forthcoming in volumes1 ,i was never fortunate enough to find an actual eye-witness4 ,the sister of one had been frightened by them repeatedly2 the cousin of another he had himself carried to her tomb1 drained of her last life-drops by a relative buried some weeks before2 and the grandmother of a third had not only met and talked with this inconvenient connection1 expostulating with it on its depraved appetites1 and generally arguing the point on moral as well as sanitary grounds1 but had induced it by her persuasions1 and the power of a certain amulet she wore1 to abstain from persecuting a damsel in the neighbouring village for the same ghastly purpose1 or1 at least1 to put off its visits till the horrid craving should be no longer endurable4 ,still ,i could meet nobody who had actually seen one in person2 and that is why ,i asked you just now if you believed there was such a thing as a ,vampire80 ,he nodded gravely4 8,they are rare10 said he2 8but ,i believe in such beings1 because ,i have not only seen one1 but had the advantage of its personal notice1 and a very pretty1 pleasing acquaintance it was6 ,you would like to know something more8 ,well1 it compromises nobody4 ,you will not quote me1 of course4 ,indeed ,i don't see how you can1 for ,i still mention no real names4 ,i don't mind telling you the story of a life1 such as ,i knew it2 a life that by some fatality seemed to drag down every other that came within the sphere of its attractions to sorrow1 humiliation1 and disgrace4 ,i have no brain to swim1 no pulses to leap1 no heart to ache left1 and yet the memory stirs me painfully even now4 8,in early manhood10 he continued1 bending down1 as though to scan his own fleshless proportions1 with an air of consciousness that was almost grotesque1 8,i paid as much heed to my personal appearance1 and flourished it about in public places as persistently as others of like age and pursuits4 ,whether ,i should do so if ,i had my time to come again1 is a different question1 but we will let that pass4 ,being then young1 tolerably good-looking1 sufficiently conceited1 and exceedingly well-dressed1 ,i had betaken myself one evening to your ,italian ,opera1 the best1 and ,i may add the dearest1 in ,europe4 ,i was fond of music and knew something about it1 but ,i was fonder still of pretty women1 though concerning these ,i enjoyed my full share of that ignorance which causes men so to exaggerate their qualities both good and bad2 an ignorance it is worth while to preserve with as much care as in other matters we take to acquire knowledge1 for there is no denying1 alas6 that those who know them best always seem to respect them least4 8,i rose1 therefore1 from my stall at the first opportunity and turned round to survey the house4 ,ere ,i had inspected a quarter of it1 my glasses were up1 and ,i will tell you what they showed me--the most perfect face ,i ever saw4 ,straight nose1 thin and delicately cut1 large black eyes1 regular eyebrows1 faultless chin1 terminating a complete oval1 the whole set in a frame of jet-black hair4 ,even my next neighbour1 who1 from an observation he let fall to a friend1 belonged apparently to the ,household ,troops1 could not refrain from ejaculating1 #8,by ,jove1 she's a ripper6' the moment he caught sight of the object on which my gaze was fixed4 8,i saw something else too4 ,i saw that the lady by her side was a foreigner with whom ,i had long been acquainted2 so edging my way into the passages1 in two minutes ,i was tapping at their box-door like a man who felt pretty sure of being let in4 8,the foreigner introduced me to her friend1 and as the second act of the opera was already in progress1 told me to sit down and hold my tongue4 ,we were four in the box4 ,another gentleman was placed close behind the lady who first attracted my attention4 ,i had only eyes just then1 however1 for the wild1 unearthly beauty of my new acquaintance4 8,i have seen hundreds of pretty women1 and even in youth my heart1 from temperament1 perhaps1 rather than reflection1 was as hard as my ribs2 but this face fascinated me--,i can use no other word4 ,my sensations were so strangely compounded of admiration1 horror1 interest1 curiosity1 attraction1 and dislike4 ,the eyes were deep and dark1 yet with the glitter in them of a hawk's1 the cheek deadly pale1 the lips bright red4 ,she was different from anything ,i had ever seen1 and yet so wonderfully beautiful6 ,i longed to hear her speak4 ,presently she whispered a few words to the man behind her1 and ,i felt my flesh creep4 ,low as they were modulated1 there was in every syllable a tone of such utter hopelessness1 such abiding sorrow1 regret1 even remorse1 always present1 always kept down1 that ,i could have imagined her one of those lost spirits for whom is fixed the punishment of all most cruel1 most intolerable1 that they can never forget they are formed for better things4 ,her gestures1 too1 were in accordance with the sad1 suggestive music of her voice--quiet1 graceful1 and somewhat listless in the repose1 as it seemed1 rather of unhappiness than of indolence4 ,i tell you ,i was not susceptible2 ,i don't think boys generally are4 ,in love1 more than in any other extravagance1 #8there is no fool like an old one4' 8,i was as little given to romance as a ladies' doctor2 and yet1 sitting in that box watching the turn of her beautiful head as she looked towards the stage1 ,i said to myself1 #8,i'll take good care she never gets the upper hand of me4 ,if a man once allowed himself to like her at all1 she is just the sort of woman who would blight his whole life for him1 and hunt the poor devil down to his grave6' ,somebody else seemed to have no such misgivings1 or to have arrived at a stage of infatuation when all personal considerations had gone by the board4 ,if ever ,i saw a calf led to the slaughter it was ,count ,v----1 a calf1 too1 whose throat few women could have cut without compunction4 ,handsome1 manly1 rich1 affectionate1 and sincere1 worshipping his deity with all the reckless devotion1 all the unscrupulous generosity of his brave ,hungarian heart1 ,i saw his very lip quiver under its heavy moustache when she turned her glittering eyes on him with some allusion called up by the business of the stage1 and the proud1 manly face that had never quailed before an enemy grew white in the intensity of its emotion4 ,what made me think of a stag ,i once found lying dead in a ,styrian pass1 and a golden eagle feasting on him with her talons buried in his heart8 8,the ,grfinn1 to whom the box belonged1 noticed my abstraction4 #8,don't fall in love with her1' she whispered2 #8,i can't spare you just yet4 ,isn't she beautiful8' 8#8,you introduced me1' was my answer1 #8but you never told me her name4' 8#8,how stupid6' said the ,grfinn4 #8,at present she is a ,madame de ,st4 ,croix1 an ,englishwoman1 nevertheless1 and a widow1 but not likely to remain so long4' ,and with a mischievous laugh she gave me her hand as ,i left the box1 bowing to ,madame de ,st4 ,croix and also to the ,hungarian1 who in his happy pre-occupation was perfectly unconscious of my politeness4 8,i saw them again in the crush-room4 ,the ,grfinn had picked up an attach to some legation1 who put her dutifully into her carriage4 ,the ,hungarian was still completely engrossed with ,madame de ,st4 ,croix4 ,i have not yet forgotten the look on his handsome face when she drove off with her friend4 #8,he's a fool1' ,i said to myself2 #8and yet a woman might well be proud to make a fool of such a man as that4' 8,i left ,london in the middle of the season and thought no more of ,madame de ,st4 ,croix4 ,i had seen a pretty picture1 ,i had heard a strain of sweet music1 ,i had turned over the page of an amusing romance--there was an end of it4 8,the following winter ,i happened to spend in ,vienna4 ,of course ,i went to one of the masked balls of ,the ,redouten-,saal4 ,i had not been ten minutes in the room when my ears thrilled to the low1 seductive accents of that well-remembered voice4 ,there she was again1 masked1 of course1 but it was impossible to mistake the slim1 pliant figure1 the graceful gestures1 the turn of the beautiful head1 and the quiet energy that betrayed itself1 even in the small1 gloved hand4 ,she was talking to a well-known ,russian magnate less remarkable for purity of morals than diplomatic celebrity1 boundless extravagance1 and devotion to the other sex4 ,to be on terms of common friendship with such a man was at least compromising to any lady under sixty years of age2 and it is needless to say that his society was courted and appreciated accordingly4 8,madame de ,st4 ,croix seemed well satisfied with her neighbour2 and though in her outward manner the least demonstrative of women1 ,i could detect through her mask the same cruel glitter in her dark eyes that had so fascinated me1 six months before1 in the ,grfinn's opera-box4 ,the ,russian talked volubly1 and she leaned towards him1 as those do who are willing to hear more4 ,chteau qui parle furls its banner1 femme qui coute droops her head4 ,directly opposite1 looking very tall and fierce as he reared himself against the doorway1 stood ,count ,v----4 ,the ,hungarian was pale as death4 ,on his face1 so worn and haggard1 so cruelly altered since ,i saw it last1 was set the stamp of physical pain1 and he gnawed the corner of his brown moustache with that tension of the muscles about the mouth which denotes a paroxysm bravely kept down4 ,as friends accosted him in passing1 he bowed his head kindly and courteously while his whole face softened1 but it was sad to see how soon the gleam passed away and the cloud came back1 darker and heavier than before4 ,the man's heart1 you see1 was generous1 kindly1 and full of trust--such a heart as women like ,madame de ,st4 ,croix find it an interesting amusement to break4 8,i think he must have made her some kind of appeal2 for later in the evening ,i observed them together1 and he was talking earnestly in ,german1 with a low pleading murmur1 to which ,i thought few women could have listened unmoved4 ,she answered in ,french2 and ,i was sorry for him when she broke up the colloquy with a little scornful shrug of her shoulders1 observing in a hard1 unfeeling tone not like her usual voice1 #8,que voulez-vous8 ,enfin1 c'est plus fort que moi6' 8,the ,russian put her into her sledge1 for there was a foot of snow in the streets1 and ,count ,v---- walked home through it1 with a smile on his face and his head up1 looking strangely elated1 ,i thought1 for a man1 the last strand of whose moorings had lately parted and left him adrift4 8,i had not then learned there is no temporary stimulant so powerful as despair1 no tonic so reviving as a parti pris4 8,next day1 lounging into the ,chancellerie of the ,embassy for my usual gossip1 ,i found little ,hughes1 an unpaid attach 7who earned1 indeed1 just as much as he received71 holding forth with considerable spirit and energy4 8#8,curse him6' said this indomitable young ,briton4 #8,if it had been swords1 ,i should like to have fought him myself4 ,i hate him6 ,i tell you4 ,everybody hates him4 ,and ,v---- was the best chap between here and ,orsova4 ,he was almost like an ,englishman4 ,wouldn't he just have polished him off if they'd had swords4 ,that old muff1 ,bergheimer of the ,cuirassiers1 ought to be hanged4 ,do you think1 if ,i'd been his second1 ,i'd have put him up with pistols against the best shot in ,europe8--and at the barrier too6 ,it's not like at home1 you know4 ,i never knew such a mull as they made of it amongst them4 ,this cursed ,calmuck gets the pull all through1 and poor ,v----1 who had lost his fortune already1 loses his lady-love and his life4 ,what a rum world it is6' 8,here the orator rolled and lit a cigarette1 thus affording me a moment to inquire into the cause of his indignation4 ,i then learned that1 in consequence of a trifling dispute after last night's ball1 a duel had been fought at daybreak1 in the snow1 between ,count ,v---- and a ,russian nobleman1 in which the former was shot through the heart4 8#8,never got one in at all6' said ,hughes1 again waxing eloquent on his friend's wrongs4 #8,i've seen both the seconds since4 ,they were to walk up to a handkerchief1 and the ,russian potted him at forty yards the first step he made4 ,they may say what they like about the row originating in politics--,i know better4 ,they quarrelled because ,madame de ,st4 ,croix had left ,v---- and taken up with this snub-nosed ,tartar4 ,first1 she ruined my poor friend4 ,i know all about it4 ,he hadn't a rap left2 for if she'd asked him for the shirt off his back1 he'd have stripped like beans6 ,then she broke his heart--the cheeriest1 jolliest1 kindest fellow in ,europe--to finish up by leaving him for another man1 who kills him before breakfast without a scruple2 and if the devil don't get hold of her some fine day1 why he's a disgrace to his appointment1 that's all6 and they ought to make him ,secretary of ,legation here1 or pension him off somewhere and put him out of the way6 ,have another cigarette6' 8,ten years afterwards ,i was sitting in the gardens of the ,tuileries1 one fine morning towards the middle of ,may1 wondering1 as ,english people always do wonder1 on a variety of subjects--why the cigars were so bad in ,paris1 and the air so exhilarating--why the tender green leaves quivering over those deep alleys should have a sunshine of their own besides that which they reflected from above--why the bonnes and nursery-maids wore clean caps every day--why the railings always looked as if they had been re-gilt the same morning1 and why the sentry at the gate should think it part of his duty to leer at every woman who passed1 like a satyr8 8,indeed ,i believe ,i was almost asleep1 when ,i started in my chair1 and rubbed my eyes to make sure it was not a dream4 ,there1 within ten paces of me1 sat ,madame de ,st4 ,croix1 if ,i was still to call her so1 apparently not an hour older than the first time we met4 ,the face was even paler1 the lips redder1 the cruel eyes deeper and darker1 but in that flickering light the woman looked more beautiful than ever4 ,she was listening quietly and indolently1 as of old1 to a gentleman who sat with his back to me1 telling his own story1 whatever it might be1 in a low1 earnest1 impressive voice4 ,i raised my hat when ,i caught her eye1 and she bowed in return politely enough1 but obviously without recognition4 ,the movement caused her companion to turn round1 and in two strides he was by my chair1 grasping me cordially by the hand4 ,he was an old and intimate friend1 a colonel in the ,french army1 by whose side ,i had experienced more than one strange adventure1 both in ,eastern ,europe and ,asia-,minor--a man who had served with distinction1 of middle age1 a widower1 fond of society1 field-sports1 speculation1 and travelling2 essentially bon camarade1 but thoroughly ,french in his reflections and opinions4 ,the last man in the world1 ,i should have thought1 to be made a fool of by a woman4 ,well1 there he was1 her bounden slave6 ,absurdly happy if she smiled1 miserable when she frowned1 ready to fetch and carry like a poodle1 perfectly childish about her1 and utterly contemptible4 ,if she had really cared for him1 the temptation must have been irresistible1 and she would have bullied him frightfully4 ,but no1 there was always the same repose of manner1 the same careless kindness1 the same melancholy1 the same consciousness of an unquestionable superiority4 ,one of his reasons1 he soon confided to me1 for being so fond of her was1 that they never had an angry word6 ,for a week or two ,i saw a good deal of them4 ,paris was already empty1 and we did our plays1 our ,opra ,comique1 and our little dinners pleasantly enough4 ,she was always the same1 and ,i found myself1 day by day1 becoming more conscious of that nameless charm about her1 which ,i should despair of being able to describe4 ,yet as often as ,i met the glance of those deep1 dark1 unearthly eyes1 a shudder crept over me1 such as chills you when you come face to face with a ghost in your dreams4 ,the colonel1 ,i have said1 was devoted to her4 ,he was rarely absent from her side1 but if by chance alone with me1 would talk of her by the hour4 8,he had found1 he declared1 fortunately before he was too old to appreciate it1 the one inestimable treasure the earth contained4 ,he had cherished his fancies1 committed his follies1 of course1 tout comme un autre1 but he had never experienced anything like this4 ,it was his haven1 his anchorage1 his resting-place1 and he might glide down into old age1 and on to death1 perfectly happy1 because confident1 that with her heart and her force of character1 she would never change4 ,he could not be jealous of her4 ,oh no6 ,she was so frank1 so confiding1 so sincere4 ,she1 too1 pass par l1 had told him so2 unlike other women1 had confessed to him not only her last1 but her many former attachments4 ,he knew all about poor ,v----1 who was shot in a duel1 and the ,russian general1 banished to ,siberia4 ,how fortunate she had broken with him before his disgrace1 because1 in the loyalty of her nature1 she would surely have followed him into exile1 although she never cared for him in her heart1 never6 ,no1 nor for any of the others2 never had been fairly touched till now4 ,him1 the colonel1 she really did love4 ,he had proved his devotion so thoroughly 7,i found out afterwards1 though not from him1 that my friend had been fool enough to sacrifice both fortune and profession for her sake71 he was so reliable1 she said1 so kind1 and so good4 ,in short1 he was perfectly happy1 and could see no cloud in his horizon1 look which way he would4 8,when ,i left ,paris they accompanied me to the railway station2 and the last ,i saw of them was their two heads very close over a railway guide1 projecting a trip into a lonely part of ,switzerland1 where they would have no society but their own4 8,six months afterwards #8,galignani' informed me that my friend the colonel had been reinstated in the ,french army and appointed to a regiment of ,chasseurs d',afrique then serving in ,algeria1 where1 before the ,tuileries ,gardens were again green1 ,i learned from the same source he had already solved the great problem in an affair of outposts with the ,khabyles4 ,long years elapsed1 and there were streaks of grey in my hair and whiskers ere ,i saw ,madame de ,st4 ,croix again4 ,i had heard of her1 indeed1 at intervals both in ,london and ,paris4 ,i am bound to say her name was always coupled with those who were distinguished by birth1 talent1 or success4 ,she was very choice1 ,i believe1 in the selection of her victims1 despising equally an easy conquest and one of which the ravages could be readily repaired4 ,the women hated her1 the men said she was charming4 ,for my part ,i kept out of her way3 we were destined to meet1 nevertheless4 ,i had embarked in a ,peninsular and ,oriental steamer at ,marseilles very much indisposed1 and retiring at once to my berth never quitted it till we were entering the ,straits of ,buoni-faccio4 ,here ,i came on deck1 weak1 exhausted1 but convalescent1 drinking in the sunshine and the scenery with that thirst for the beautiful which becomes so fierce after the confinement of recent illness4 ,i literally revelled in the ,mediterranean air1 and basked in the warmth of those bright colours so peculiar to the shores of that summer sea4 ,i was approaching middle age2 ,i had ventured body and mind freely enough in the great conflict2 and yet1 ,i thank heaven1 had hitherto been spared the crushing sorrow that makes a mockery of the noblest and purest enjoyments of earth1 causing a man to turn from all that is fairest in sight and sense and sound with the sickness of a dead hope curdling at his heart4 ,but then ,i had kept clear of ,madame de ,st4 ,croix4 8,when my eyes were at last sated with the gaudy hues of the coast and the golden glitter of the water1 ,i was a little surprised to see that lady sitting within three paces of me reading a yellow-bound ,french novel4 ,great heaven6 what was the woman's secret8 ,she looked younger than ever6 ,even in the searching glare of a southern noon not a line could be detected on the pure1 pale forehead1 not a crease about the large1 wistful1 glittering eyes4 ,that she was gifted with perennial youth ,i could see for myself2 that she was dangerous even to the peace of a grey-haired man1 ,i might have found out to my cost had our voyage been retarded by contrary winds or any such unavoidable delay1 for she was good enough to recognise me on this occasion1 and to give me a large share of her conversation and companionship4 ,thus it was ,i learned to own the spell under which so many had succumbed1 to appreciate its power1 not to understand1 far less describe1 its nature4 ,fortunately for me1 ere its work could be completed1 we arrived at ,athens1 and at ,athens lay a trim1 rakish-looking ,english yacht1 with her ensign flying and her foretopsail loosed1 waiting only the steamer's arrival to spread her wings and bear off this seductive sorceress to some garden of paradise in the ,egean ,sea4 8,the owner of the yacht ,i had often heard of4 ,he was a man remarkable for his enterprise and unfailing success in commerce as for his liberality1 and indeed extravagance1 in expenditure4 ,he chose to have houses1 pictures1 horses1 plate1 everything of the best1 was justly popular in society1 and enormously rich4 8,i never asked and never knew the port to which that yacht was bound4 ,when we steamed out of the harbour she was already hull-down in the wake of a crimson sunset that seemed to stain the waters with a broad track of blood2 but ,i saw her sold within eighteen months at ,southampton1 for her late owner's name had appeared in the #8,gazette1' and the man himself1 ,i was told1 might be found1 looking very old and careworn1 setting cabbages at ,hanwell1 watching eagerly for the arrival of a lady who never came4 8,you may believe ,i thought more than once of the woman whose strange destiny it had been thus to enslave generation after generation of fools1 and to love whom seemed as fatal as to be a priest of ,aricia or a favourite of ,catharine ,,ii4 ,nevertheless1 while time wore on1 ,i gradually ceased to think of her beauty1 her heartlessness1 her mysterious youth1 or her magic influence over mankind4 ,presently1 amongst a thousand engrossing occupations and interests1 ,i forgot her as if she had never been4 8,i have driven a good many vehicles in my time1 drags1 phaetons1 dogcarts1 down to a basket-carriage drawn by a piebald pony with a hog-mane4 ,nay1 ,i once steered a hansom cab up ,bond ,street in the early morning1 freighted with more subalterns than ,i should like to specify of her ,majesty's ,household ,troops1 but ,i never thought ,i should come to a bath chair6 8,nevertheless ,i found myself at last an inside passenger of one of these locomotive couches1 enjoying the quiet and the air of the gardens at ,hampton ,court in complete and uninterrupted solitude4 ,the man who dragged me to this pleasant spot having gone to #8get his dinner1' as he called it1 and the nursery-maids1 with their interesting charges1 having retired from their morning1 and not yet emerged for their afternoon stroll1 ,i lay back1 and thought of so many things--of the strength and manhood that had departed from me for ever2 of the strange1 dull calm that comes on with the evening of life1 and contents us so well we would not have its morning back if we could2 of the gradual clairvoyance that shows us everything in its true colours and at its real value2 of the days1 and months1 and years so cruelly wasted1 but that their pleasures1 their excitements1 their sins1 their sorrows1 and their sufferings1 were indispensable for the great lesson which teaches us to see4 ,of these things ,i thought1 and through them still1 as at all times1 moved the pale presence of an unforgotten face1 passing like a spirit1 dim and distant1 yet dear as ever1 across the gulf of years--a presence that1 for good or evil1 was to haunt me to the end4 8,something in the association of ideas reminded me of ,madame de ,st4 ,croix1 and ,i said to myself1 #8,at last age must have overtaken that marvellous beauty1 and time brought the indomitable spirit to remorse1 repentance1 perhaps even amendment4 ,what can have made me think of her in a quiet1 peaceful scene like this8' 8,just then a lady and gentleman crossed the gravel walk in front of me1 and took their places on a seat under an old tree not a dozen yards off4 ,it was a lovely day in early autumn2 the flowers were still ablaze with the gaudiest of their summer beauty1 the sky was all dappled grey and gold1 earth had put on the richest dress she wears throughout the year2 but here and there a leaf fell noiseless on the sward1 as if to testify that she too must shed all her glories in due season1 and yield1 like other beauties1 her unwilling tribute to decay4 8,but there was nothing of autumn in the pair who now sat opposite my couch1 chatting1 laughing1 flirting1 apparently either ignoring or disregarding my proximity4 ,the man was in all the bloom and beauty of youth2 the woman1 though looking a few years older1 did not yet seem to have attained her prime4 ,i could scarcely believe my eyes6 ,yes1 if ever ,i beheld ,madame de ,st4 ,croix1 there she sat with her fatal gaze turned on this infatuated boy1 leading him gradually1 steadily1 surely1 to the edge of that chasm into which those who plunged came to the surface nevermore4 ,it was the old story over again4 ,how well ,i remembered1 even after such an interval1 the tender droop of the head1 the veiling eyelashes1 the glance so quickly averted1 yet1 like a snapshot1 telling with such deadly effect2 the mournful smile1 the gentle whisper1 the quiet confiding gesture of the slender hand1 all the by-play of the most accomplished and most unscrupulous of actresses4 ,there was no more chance of escape for her companion than for a fisherman of the ,north ,sea1 whose skiff has been sucked into the ,malstrohm1 with mast unshipped and oars adrift half a mile astern4 ,by sight1 if not personally1 ,i then knew most of the notabilities of the day4 ,the boy1 for such ,i might well call him in comparison with myself1 seemed too good for his fate1 and yet ,i saw well enough it was inevitable4 ,he had already made himself a name as a poet of no mean pretensions1 and held besides the character of a high-spirited1 agreeable1 and unaffected member of society4 ,add to this1 that he was manly1 good-looking1 and well-born2 nothing more seemed wanting to render him a fit victim for the altar at which he was to be offered up4 ,like his predecessors1 he was fascinated4 ,the snake held him in her eye4 ,the poor bird's wings were fluttering1 its volition was gone1 its doom sealed4 ,could nothing save it from the destroyer8 ,i longed to have back1 if only for a day1 the powers which ,i had regretted so little half-an-hour ago4 ,weak1 helpless1 weary1 and worn-out1 ,i yet determined to make an effort1 and save him if ,i could4 8,they rose to go1 but found the gate locked through which they had intended to pass4 ,she had a way of affecting a pretty wilfulness in trifles1 and sent him to fetch the key4 ,prompt to obey her lightest wish1 he bounded off in search of it1 and following slowly1 she passed within two paces of my chair1 bending on its helpless invalid a look that seemed to express far less pity for his condition than a grudging envy of his lot4 ,i stopped her with a gesture that in one more able-bodied would have been a bow1 and1 strange to say1 she recognised me at once4 ,there was not a moment to lose4 ,i took courage from a certain wistful look that gave softness to her eyes1 and ,i spoke out4 8#8,we shall never meet again1' ,i said2 #8we have crossed each other's paths at such long intervals1 and on such strange occasions1 but ,i know this is the last of them6 ,why time stands still for you is a secret ,i cannot fathom1 but the end must come some day1 put it off however long you will4 ,do you not think that when you become as ,i am1 a weary mortal1 stumbling with half-shut eyes on the edge of an open grave1 it would be well to have one good deed on which you could look back1 to have reprieved one out of the many victims on whom you have inflicted mortal punishment for the offence of loving you so much better than you deserve8 ,far as it stretches behind you1 every footstep in your track is marked with sorrow--more than one with blood4 ,show mercy now1 as you may have to ask it hereafter4 ,life is all before this one1 and it seems cruel thus to blast the sapling from its very roots4 ,he is hopeful1 trustful1 and fresh-hearted--spare him and let him go4' 8,she was fitting the glove on her faultless little hand4 ,her brow seemed so calm1 so soft and pure1 that for a moment ,i thought ,i had conquered1 but looking up from her feminine employment1 ,i recognised the hungry glitter in those dark1 merciless eyes1 and ,i knew there was no hope4 8#8,it is too late1' she answered1 #8too late to persuade either him or me4 ,it is no fault of mine4 ,it is fate4 ,for him--for the others--for all of us4 ,sometimes ,i wish it had not been so4 ,mine has been an unhappy life1 and there seems to be no end1 no resting-place4 ,i can no more help myself than a drowning wretch1 swept down by a torrent2 but ,i am too proud to catch at the twigs and straws that would break off in my hand4 ,i would change places with you willingly4 ,yes--you in that bath chair4 ,i am so tired sometimes1 and yet ,i dare not wish it was all over4 ,think of me as forbearingly as you can1 for we shall not cross each other's path again4' 8#8,and this boy8' ,i asked1 striving to detect something of compunction in the pitiless face that was yet so beautiful4 8#8,he must take his chance with the rest1' she said4 #8,here he comes--good-bye4' 8,they walked away arm-in-arm through the golden autumn weather1 and a chill came into my very heart1 for ,i knew what that chance was worth4 8,a few months1 and the snow lay six inches deep over the grave of him whose opening manhood had been so full of promise1 so rich in all that makes youth brightest1 life most worth having2 while a woman in deep mourning was praying there1 under the wintry sky2 but this woman was his mother1 and her heart was broken for the love she bore her boy4 8,his death had been very shocking1 very sudden4 ,people talked of a ruptured blood-vessel1 a fall on his bedroom floor1 a doctor not to be found when sent for2 a series of fatalities that precluded the possibility of saving him2 but those who pretended to know best affirmed that not all the doctors in ,europe could have done any good1 for when his servant went to call him in the morning he found his master lying stark and stiff1 having been dead some hours4 ,there was a pool of blood on his carpet2 there were ashes of burnt letters in his fireplace2 more1 they whispered with meaning shrugs and solemn1 awe-struck faces-- #8,there was that across his throat ,which you had hardly cared to see4' 8,you can understand now that ,i believe in ,vampires40 8,what became of her80 ,i asked1 rather eagerly1 for ,i was interested in this ,madame de ,st4 ,croix4 ,i like a woman who goes into extremes1 either for good or evil4 ,great recklessness1 equally with great sensibility1 has its charm for such a temperament as mine4 ,i can understand1 though ,i cannot explain1 the influence possessed by very wicked women who never scruple to risk their own happiness as readily as their neighbours'4 ,i wanted to know something more about ,madame de ,st4 ,croix1 but he was not listening2 he paid no attention to my question4 ,in a tone of abstraction that denoted his thoughts were many miles away1 he only murmured1 8,insatiate--impenetrable--pitiless4 ,the others were bad enough in all conscience1 but ,i think she might have spared the boy60 ,,chapter ,v ,,gold ,,for ,,silver 8,the ,african ,magician never minded all their scoffs and holloaings1 or all they could say to him1 but still cry'd ,who'll change old ,lamps for new ones8 which he repeated so often about the ,princess ,badroulbondour's ,palace1 that that ,princess1 who was then in the ,hall with the four-and-twenty ,windows1 hearing a ,man cry something1 and not being able to distinguish his ,words1 by reason of the holloaing of the ,mob about him1 sent one of her ,women ,slaves down to know what he cry'd4 8,the ,slave was not long before she return'd1 and ran into the ,hall1 laughing so heartily1 that the ,princess could not forbear herself4 #8,well1 ,gigler1' said the ,princess1 #8will you tell me what you laugh at8' #8,alas6 ,madam1' answered the ,slave1 laughing still1 #8who can forbear laughing to see a ,fool with a ,basket on his ,arm1 full of fine new ,lamps1 ask to change them for old ones1 which makes the ,children and ,mob make such a ,noise about him8'0 ,what a fool they thought him1 and no wonder4 ,yet surely a magician need not come all the way from ,africa to teach the public this strange rate of exchange4 ,in ,europe1 ,asia1 and ,america too1 as far as it has yet been colonised1 such one-sided bargains are made every day4 ,old lamps for new1 kicks for halfpence--8,heads ,i win1 ,tails you lose0--such are the laws of equity by which man deals with his neighbour2 and so the contest goes on1 if1 indeed1 as ,juvenal says1 that can be called a contest-- 8,ubi tu pulsas1 ego vapulo tantum40#a ,the slave of the princess with the long name had passed more of her life in the palace than the streets1 or she would not have found the magician's cry so strange3 would have felt uncomfortably conscious that the day might come when she1 too1 would barter new lamps for old1 perhaps humbly on her knees1 entreating permission to make the unequal exchange4 ,in all the relations of life1 but chiefly in those with which the affections are concerned1 we constantly see gold for silver offered with both hands4 ,that 8it is better to give than to receive0 we have ,scriptural warrant for asserting4 ,that-- 8,sure the pleasure is as great ,in being cheated as to cheat10 we learn from ,butler's quaint and philosophical couplets4 ,i am not going to assert that the man who puts down sovereigns and takes up shillings has really the worst of it2 ,i only maintain that the more freely he 8parts0 with the former1 the more sparing will he find the latter doled out to him in return4 ,perhaps the strongest case in point is that of parent and child4 ,in the animal world ,i know few arrangements of ,nature more beautiful than the absolute devotion of maternity to its offspring1 so long1 though only so long1 as its assistance is required4 ,a bird feeding her young1 a tigress licking her cubs1 a mare wheeling round her foal--each of these affords an example of loving care and tenderness1 essentially feminine in its utter forgetfulness of self4 ,each of these squanders such gold as it possesses1 the treasure of its deep instinctive affection1 on ingratitude and neglect4 ,the nestlings gape with hungry little beaks1 when they hear the flap of wings1 not to greet the coming provider1 but that they may eat and be filled4 ,the cubs huddle themselves up to their mother's side for warmth and comfort1 not for her cruel beauty nor her fierce protecting love4 ,the foal1 when it gets on its long legs1 will follow your horse or mine as readily as its dam4 ,they take all1 to give back nothing in exchange4 ,and no sooner can the bird use its wings1 the beast its limbs1 than it abandons at once and for ever the parent whose sustaining care is no longer necessary to its existence4 ,with the human race1 although ,i am far from affirming that1 even in this age of bronze1 filial piety has fled with other virtues from the earth1 something of the same unequal barter holds good in the relationship of parent and child4 ,the former gives gold1 the latter does not always return silver4 ,do not deceive yourself4 ,you love your children more than your children love you4 ,i can prove it in three words4 ,they are dearer to you than your own parents4 ,and this inequality of affection is but one more of the beautiful arrangements made by that ,providence which bestows good so liberally in proportion to evil4 ,under the common law of ,nature1 you are likely to die first1 and the aggregate amount of suffering is1 therefore1 much less than it would be did the course of domestic affection flow the other way4 ,so you toil1 and slave1 and scheme for the child's benefit1 forgiving its errors1 repairing its follies1 re-establishing its fortunes1 just as1 long ago1 you used to rebuild with loving patience those houses of cards the urchin blew down with such delight4 ,but1 as of all human affections1 this1 if not the strongest1 is certainly the deepest and most abiding1 so when wounded does it inflict on our moral being the sharpest and most enduring pain4 8,is there any cause in ,nature that makes these hard hearts80 says poor ,king ,lear1 forced1 against his own instincts1 to acknowledge the venomed bite of that 8serpent's tooth0 with which elsewhere he compares a 8thankless child40 ,i have known men1 and women too1 accept with courage every sample of misfortune and disgrace--in the language of the prize-ring1 8come up smiling0 after every kind of knock-down blow--but ,i cannot remember an instance in which the ingratitude of children has not produced wrinkles and grey hairs1 in the proportion of ten to one1 for every other sorrow of any description whatever4 ,there is no prospect of alleviation to amuse his fancy--no leavening of pique to arouse his pride4 ,hurt to the death1 the sufferer has scarce manhood enough left to conceal his wounds4 ,in that conflict between man and woman which is perpetually going on1 and without which the world1 if more comfortable1 would undoubtedly be less populous1 gold is invariably given for silver with a lavish extravagance1 akin to the absurdity of the whole thing4 ,why is love like the handle of a teapot8--,because it is all on one side4 ,the game has yet to be invented in which both players can win2 and perhaps were it not for the discomfort1 anxiety1 worry1 sorrow1 and suffering entailed by the unequal pastime1 it would cease to be so popular4 ,as it exists at present1 there is nothing to complain of on the score of flagging interest4 ,at first1 indeed1 before the cards are cut1 the adversaries sit down calmly and pleasantly enough4 ,an hour hangs heavy on their hands1 and they think thus to drive it agreeably away--beginning simply for 8distraction10 as the ,french call it1 though ending in the ,english acceptation of that uncomfortable word4 ,ere the first tricks are turned1 however1 the game grows exciting4 8,i propose40 8,how many80 8,hearts are trumps40 8,i mark the king40 ,the stakes increase rapidly in value1 and presently gold comes pouring lavishly out of one player's pocket1 against silver dribbling unwillingly from the other's4 ,the winner1 too1 like all gamblers1 seldom cares to keep the fruit of his good fortune1 but loses it again at another table to some stronger adversary1 who is beggared in turn elsewhere4 ,yet still in all places1 and under all circumstances1 wherever this game is played there is the same inequality in the stakes4 8,gold for silver40 ,such are the terms2 and the old players1 to do them justice1 those who have lost and won many a heavy wager1 are generally careful to begin at least by venturing the commoner metal4 ,but even of these the discretion is not to be trusted as the game goes on4 ,touched by the magic rod1 maddened by the spell against which ,wisdom is often less proof than ,folly1 the sternest and the sagest will throw their gold about as recklessly as if every piece were not stamped with the impress of their honour and their happiness1 precious as the very drops of life-blood at their heart4 ,perhaps it is wiser to stick to any other pursuit in the world than the one in question2 but if you must needs sit down to this 8beggar-my-neighbour0 kind of amusement1 is it better to lose or to win8 to give or accept the gold for silver passing so freely from hand to hand8 ,will you have the satisfaction hereafter of standing on the higher ground8 of feeling you have nothing to reproach yourself with1 nothing to be ashamed of8 or will you take comfort in reflecting that while the storm raged above your head you had been careful to shelter cunningly from the blast8 ,will you exult in your forethought1 your philosophy1 the accurate knowledge of human nature1 that has preserved you scatheless through the combat8 or will you take pride in your generosity1 your magnanimity1 and the self-devoted courage that bids you accept the stab of ingratitude in addition to the pain of neglect8 ,it depends entirely on character and temperament4 ,men and women vary so much in this1 as in every other phase of feeling4 ,the latter1 when they do take the more generous view of their position--when they can bring themselves to choose 8the better part10 accept it1 ,i think1 with a more complete abandonment of pique than the former4 ,perhaps their pride is of a nobler order3 no doubt their vanity is less egotistical than our own4 ,with us1 except in the highest natures--and these1 as has been well remarked1 have ever a leavening of the feminine element in their organisation--there is always something of irritation left after a wound of the affections has healed up--something that stints and rankles1 and looks to reprisals of one kind or another for relief4 ,i have read an old tale of chivalry so thoroughly exemplifying this state of feeling1 and affording so natural an example of the changes and counterchanges with which gold and silver are staked against each other in the dangerous game1 that ,i cannot forbear quoting it here4 8,a certain knight had long loved a damsel at the court of the ,king of ,france2 but she1 albeit accepting the service of none other1 treated him with such coldness and duresse1 that he at length obtained the title of the #8,patient ,knight1' and she of the #8,scornful ,ladye4' ,in vain he sat at her feet in hall2 in vain wore her colours in the lists2 in vain added to his cognisance the motto #8,sans esprance1' above the representation of a dungeon-grate1 to signify the hopelessness of his captivity4 ,she looked upon him coldly as the winter moon looks on a frozen lake2 she turned from him pitilessly as the bending poplar turns from the south wind1 whispering its longing and its sorrows1 wooing her even with its tears4 8,so minstrels sang in their lays of his constancy1 and knights marvelled at his subjection1 and ladies pitied--it may be despised him also a little for his long-suffering3 but still the #8,patient ,knight' struck hard and shouted high for the renown of her he loved2 and still the #8,scornful ,ladye' accepted his homage1 and took credit for his deeds-of-arms with scant courtesy1 and cruel neglect1 and high imperious disdain4 8,so the ,king bade his knights and nobles to a feast2 and because there was to be a solemn passage-of-arms held on the morrow1 he entertained them with a fight of wild beasts in the ,carrousel1 whereon lords and ladies looked down in safety from the galleries above4 ,but many a soft cheek grew pale none the less1 when a lion and a tiger were let loose to battle for their lives4 8,now even while they glared on each other ere they closed1 the #8,scornful ,ladye' dropped her glove between the beasts of prey4 ,quoth she1 with a mocking smile1 #8,an ,i had a bachelor here who loved me well1 he would fetch me back this glove that the wind hath blown from my hand4' 8,then the #8,patient ,knight' made no more ado1 but drew his good sword and leapt lightly down into the ,carrousel1 where he picked the glove from the earth1 and returning scatheless to his place1 laid it in silence at her feet4 8,then the #8,scornful ,ladye' wept sweet and happy tears2 for his great love had conquered at last1 and she would follow him meekly now to the end of the world4 8,but she shed bitter tears on the morrow1 when he rode into the lists with another's sleeve in his helmet1 another's colours on his housings1 and his shield blazoned with the fresh device of a broken fetter and the motto1 #8,tout lasse--tout casse--tout passe6'0 ,so1 you see1 these adversaries changed places at last2 and you will probably be of opinion that the ,knight had the best of it in the end4 ,perhaps it 8served her right40 ,and yet to me it seems that there may come a time when to have given gold for silver in every relation of life shall be the one consoling reflection that enables us to quit it without misgivings for the future1 without regret for the past1--a time perhaps of hushed voices1 stealthy footsteps1 and a darkened room1 growing yet strangely darker with every breath we draw4 ,or a time of eager comrades1 trampling squadrons1 short sharp words of command1 a bugle sounding the ,advance1 a cocked-hat glancing through the smoke2 a numb sick helplessness that glues the cheek into the dust where it has fallen1 and a roll of musketry1 feebler1 farther1 fainter1 and more confused1 till its warlike echoes die out in the hush of another world4 ,or a time of earth-stained garments1 and bespattered friends proffering silver hunting-flasks in sheer dismay1 and a favourite horse brought back with flying stirrups1 dangling rein1 and its mane full of mud1 while the dull grey sky wheels above1 and the dank1 tufted grass heaves below1 nor in the intervals of a pain1 becoming every moment less keen1 can we stifle the helpless consciousness that before our crushed frame shall be lifted from its wet1 slippery resting-place1 it will be time to die4 ,at such moments as these1 ,i say1 to have given gold for silver while we could1 can surely be no matter of regret4 ,i recollect a quaint old tombstone--,i beg your pardon for the allusion--on which ,i once read the following inscription3-- 8,what ,i spent ,i had--what ,i saved ,i lost--what ,i gave ,i have40 ,surely this sentiment will bear analysing4 8,what ,i spent ,i had40 ,i enjoyed it1 wasted it1 got rid of it3 derive from it now as much enjoyment as can ever be extracted from past pleasures of which self-indulgence was the motive--that is to say1 none at all6 8,what ,i saved ,i lost40 ,undoubtedly4 ,mortgages1 ,consols1 building-leases1 railway scrip--it was locked up in securities that ,i could by no means bring with me here4 ,it has been an error of judgment1 a bad speculation1 a foolish venture1 a dead loss4 8,but what ,i gave ,i have40 ,ah6 ,there ,i did good business3 took the turn of the market2 invested my capital in a bank that pays me cent4 per cent4 even now2 and this1 not only for the dross we call money1 but for the real treasures of the heart--affection1 kindliness1 charity1 help to the needy1 sympathy with the sorrowful1 protection to the weak1 and encouragement to the forlorn4 ,the silver ,i had in return has been left long ago on earth3 perhaps there was barely enough to make a plate for my coffin2 but the gold ,i gave is in my own possession still1 and has been beaten into a crown for me in heaven4 ,yes4 8,it is better to give than to receive40 ,with few exceptions the great benefactors of mankind have been in this world defrauded of their wages4 ,columbus died perhaps the poorest man in the whole kingdom he had spent his lifetime to enrich4 ,socrates sold the treasures of his intellect--the deductions of the greatest mind in antiquity--for a draught of hemlock on a prison floor4 ,the fable of ,prometheus has been enacted over and over again4 ,those who scale the heavens that they may bring down fire to enlighten and comfort their fellow-men1 must not hope to escape the vulture and the rock4 ,i have always thought that wondrous story the deepest and the most suggestive in the whole heathen mythology4 ,its hero was the first discoverer1 the first free-thinker1 the first reformer4 ,he was even proof against the seductions of woman1 and detected in ,pandora's box the multiplicity of evils that secured the presence of ,hope within its compass1 and prevented her flying back to the heaven whence she came4 ,the only ,olympian deity he would condescend to worship was the ,goddess of ,wisdom2 and she it was who taught her votary to outwit ,jupiter1 the great principle of what may be termed physical nature4 ,by science man baffles the elements1 or renders them subservient to his purpose4 ,he was a herbalist1 a doctor1 a meteorologist1 and universal referee for gods and men4 ,he taught the latter all the arts necessary to extort a livelihood from the earth2 showed them how to yoke their oxen and bridle their steeds4 ,he was wise1 laborious1 provident1 and paternal--the first philosopher1 the great benefactor of his time1 and--his reward was to lie in chains on ,mount tna with a vulture sheathing her beak in his heart4 ,can we not see in this heathen parable some glimmering of the ,great ,hope which was never entirely obscured to the ancient world8--some faint foresight of1 some vague longing after1 the great ,example which has since taught its holy lesson of self-abnegation and self-sacrifice8 ,it is not for me to enlarge on a topic so sacred and so sublime4 ,enough for us and such as we are1 if by lavishing gold for silver freely on our brother1 we can cast but one humble mite into the treasury of our ,god4 ,there is much talk in the world about ingratitude4 ,people who do good to others at cost or inconvenience to themselves are apt to expect a great flow of thanks1 a great gush of sentiment in return4 ,they are generally disappointed4 ,those natures which feel benefits the most deeply are often the least capable of expressing their feelings1 and a speechless tongue is with them the result of a full heart4 ,besides1 you are sure to be repaid for a good action at some time or another4 ,like seed sown in the ,nile1 8the bread cast upon the waters10 it may not come back to you for many days1 but come back at last it most certainly will4 ,would you like your change in silver or in gold8 ,will you have it in a few graceful1 well-chosen expressions1 or in the sterling coin of silent love with its daily thoughts and nightly prayers2 or1 better still even than these1 will you waive your claim to it down here1 and have it carried to your account above8 ,i am supposing yours is not one of those natures which have arrived at the highest1 the noblest type of benevolence1 and give their gold neither for silver nor for copper1 but freely without return at all4 ,to these ,i can offer no encouragement1 no advice4 ,their grapes are ripened1 their harvest is yellow1 the light is already shining on them from the golden hills of heaven4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,a ,,day ,,that ,,is ,,dead ,i have been burning old letters to-night2 their ashes are fluttering in the chimney even now2 and1 alas6 while they consume1 fleeting and perishable like the moments they record1 8each dying ember0 seems to have 8wrought its ghost0 upon my heart4 ,oh6 that we could either completely remember or completely forget4 ,oh6 that the image of ,mnemosyne would remain close enough for us to detect the flaws in her imperishable marble1 or that she would remove herself so far as to be altogether out of sight4 ,it is the golden haze of 8middle distance0 that sheds on her this warm and tender light4 ,she is all the more attractive that we see her through a double veil of retrospection and regret1 none the less lovely because her beauty is dimmed and softened in a mist of tears4 ,letter after letter they have flared1 and blackened1 and shrivelled up4 ,there is an end of them--they are gone4 ,not a line of those different handwritings shall ,i ever see again4 ,the bold1 familiar scrawl of the tried friend and more than brother2 why does he come back to me so vividly to-night8 ,the stout heart1 the strong arm1 the brave1 kind face1 the frank and manly voice4 ,we shall never tread the stubble nor the heather side by side again2 never more pull her up against the stream1 nor float idly down in the hot summer noons to catch the light air off the water on our heated faces2 to discourse1 like ,david and ,jonathan1 of all and everything nearest our hearts4 ,old friend6 old friend6 wherever you are1 if you have consciousness you must surely sometimes think of me2 ,i have not forgotten you4 ,i cannot believe you have forgotten me even there4 ,and the pains-taking1 up-and-down-hill characters of the little child--the little child for whom the angels came so soon1 yet found it ready to depart1 whose fever-wasted lips formed none but words of confidence and affection1 whose blue eyes turned their last dim1 dying looks so fondly on the face it loved4 ,and there were letters harder to part with than these4 ,never mind1 they are burnt and done with2 letters of which even the superscription once made a kind heart leap with pleasure so intense it was almost pain2 letters crossed and re-crossed in delicate1 orderly lines1 bearing the well-known cipher1 breathing the well-known perfume1 telling the old1 false tale in the old1 false phrases1 so trite and worn-out1 yet seeming always so fresh and new4 ,the hand that formed them has other tasks to occupy it now2 the heart from which they came is mute and cold4 ,hope withers1 love dies--times are altered4 ,what would you have8 ,it is a world of change4 ,nevertheless this has been a disheartening job2 it has put me in low spirits2 ,i must call 8,bones0 out of his cupboard to come and sit with me4 8,what is this charm10 ,i ask him1 8that seems to belong so exclusively to the past8--this #8tender grace of a day that is dead'8 and must ,i look after it down the gulf into which it has dropped with such irrepressible longing only because it will never come back to me8 ,is a man the greater or wiser that he lived a hundred years ago or a thousand8 ,are reputations1 like wine1 the mellower and the more precious for mere age1 even though they have been hid away in a cellar all the time8 ,is a thing actually fairer and better because ,i have almost forgotten how it looked when present1 and shall never set eyes on it again8 ,i entertain the greatest aversion to ,horace's laudator temporis acti1 shall always set my face against the superstition that #8there were giants in those days'2 and yet wherever ,i went in the world previous to my retirement here that ,i might live with you1 ,i found the strange maxim predominate1 that everything was very much better before it had been improved6 8,if ,i entered a club and expressed my intention of going to the ,opera1 for instance1 whatever small spark of enthusiasm ,i could kindle was submitted to a wet blanket on the spot4 #8,good heavens6' would exclaim some venerable philosopher of the ,cynic and ,epicurean schools1 #8there is no opera now1 nor ballet neither4 ,my good sir1 the thing is done2 it's over4 ,we haven't an artist left4 ,ah6 you should have seen ,taglioni dance2 you should have heard ,grisi sing2 you should have lived when ,plancus was consul4 ,in short1 you should be as old as ,i am1 and as disgusted1 and as gouty1 and as disagreeable6' 8,or ,i walked into the smoking-room of that same resort1 full of some athletic gathering at ,holland ,park1 some ',varsity hurdle-race1 some trial of strength or skill amongst those lively boys1 the subalterns of the ,household ,brigade2 and ere ,i could articulate #8brandy and soda' ,i had ,captain ,barclay thrown body and bones in my face4 #8,walk1 sir6 ,you talk of walking8' 7,i didn't1 for there had been barely time to get a word in edgeways1 or my parable would have exhausted itself concerning a running high leap47 #8,but there is nothing like a real pedestrian left2 they don't breed 'em1 sir1 in these days3 can't grow them1 and don't know how to train them if they could6 ,show me a fellow who would make a match with ,barclay to-day4 ,barclay1 sir1 if he were alive1 would walk all your best men down after he came in from shooting4 ,ask your young friends which of 'em would like to drive the mail from ,london to ,edinburgh without a greatcoat6 ,i don't know what's come to the present generation4 ,it must be the smoking1 or the light claret1 perhaps4 ,they're done1 they're used up1 they're washed out4 ,why1 they go to covert by railway1 and have their grouse driven to them on a hill6 ,what would old ,sir ,tatton or ,osbaldeston say to such doings as these8 ,i was at ,newmarket1 ,i tell you1 when the ,squire rode his famous match--two hundred miles in less than nine hours6 ,i saw him get off old ,tranby1 and ,i give you my honour the man looked fresher than the horse6 ,don't tell me4 ,he was rubbed down by a couple of prize-fighters 7there were real bruisers in those days1 and the best man used to win71 dressed1 and came to dinner just as you would after a five-mile walk4 ,pocket ,hercules1 you call him--one in a thousand8 ,there were hundreds of such men in my day4 ,why1 ,i recollect in ,tom ,smith's time that ,i myself----' 8,but at this point ,i used to make my escape1 because there are two subjects on which nobody is so brilliant as not to be prolix1 so dull as not to be enthusiastic--his doings in the saddle and his adventures with the fair4 ,to honour either of these triumphs he blows a trumpet-note loud and long in proportion to the antiquity of the annals it records4 ,why must you never again become possessed of such a hunter as ,tally-,ho8 ,did that abnormal animal really carry you as well as you think1 neither failing when the ground was deep nor wavering when the fences were strong8 ,is it strictly true that no day was ever too long for him8 that he was always in the same field with the hounds8 ,and have not the rails he rose at1 the ditches he covered so gallantly1 increased annually in height and depth and general impossibility ever since that fatal morning when he broke his back1 under the ,coplow in a two-foot drain8 8,you can't find such horses now8 ,perhaps you do not give them so liberal a chance of proving their courage1 speed1 and endurance4 8,on the other topic it is natural enough1 ,i dare say1 for you to #8yarn' with all the more freedom that there is no one left to contradict4 ,people used enormous coloured silk handkerchiefs in that remote period1 when you threw yours with such ,oriental complacency1 and the odalisques who picked it up are probably to-day so old and stiff they could not bend their backs to save their lives4 ,but were they really as fond1 and fair1 and faithful as they seem to you now8 ,had they no caprices to chill1 no whims to worry1 no rivals on hand1 to drive you mad8 ,like the sea1 those eyes that look so deep and blue at a distance1 are green and turbid and full of specks when you come quite close4 ,was it all sunshine with ,mary1 all roses with ,margaret1 all summer with ,jane8 ,what figures the modern women make of themselves1 you say4 ,how they offend your eye1 those bare cheek-bones1 those clinging skirts1 those hateful chignons6 ,ah6 the cheeks no longer hang out a danger-signal when you approach2 the skirts are no more lifted1 ever such a little1 to make room for you in the corner of the sofa next the fire2 and though you might have had locks of hair enough once to have woven a parti-coloured chignon of your own1 it would be hopeless now to beg as much as would make a finger-ring for ,queen ,mab4 ,what is it1 ,i say1 that causes us to look with such deluded eyes on the past8 ,is it sorrow or malice1 disappointment or regret8 ,are our teeth still on edge with the sour grapes we have eaten or forborne8 ,do we glower through the jaundiced eyes of malevolence1 or is our sight failing with the shades of a coming night80 ,bones seldom delivers himself of his opinion in a hurry4 8,i think10 he says very deliberately1 8that this1 like many other absurdities of human nature1 originates in that desire for the unattainable which is1 after all1 the mainspring of effort1 improvement1 and approach towards perfection4 ,man longs for the impossible1 and what is so impossible as the past8 ,that which hath vanished becomes therefore valuable1 that which is hidden attractive1 that which is distant desirable4 ,there is a strange lay still existing by an old ,provenal troubadour1 no small favourite with iron-handed1 lion-hearted ,king ,richard1 of which the refrain1 #8so far away1' expresses very touchingly the longing for the absent1 perhaps only because absent1 that is so painful1 so human1 and so unwise4 ,the whole story is wild and absurd to a degree1 yet not without a saddened interest1 owing to the mournful refrain quoted above4 ,it is thus told in the notes to ,warton's ,history of ,english ,poetry3-- 8#8,jeffrey ,rudell1 a famous troubadour of ,provence1 who is also celebrated by ,petrarch1 had heard from the adventurers in the ,crusades the beauty of a ,countess of ,tripoli highly extolled4 ,he became enamoured from imagination1 embarked for ,tripoli1 fell sick on the voyage through the fever of expectation1 and was brought on shore at ,tripoli1 half-expiring4 ,the countess1 having received the news of the arrival of this gallant stranger1 hastened to the shore and took him by the hand4 ,he opened his eyes1 and at once overpowered by his disease and her kindness1 had just time to say inarticulately that having seen her he died satisfied4 ,the countess made him a most splendid funeral1 and erected to his memory a tomb of porphyry inscribed with an epitaph in ,arabian verse4 ,she commanded his sonnets to be richly copied and illuminated with letters of gold1 was seized with a profound melancholy1 and turned nun4 ,i will endeavour to translate one of the sonnets he made on his voyage1 8,yret et dolent m'en partray10 etc4 ,it has some pathos and sentiment4 8,i should depart pensive but for this love of mine so far away1 for ,i know not what difficulties ,i may have to encounter1 my native land being so far away4 ,thou who hast made all things and who formed this love of mine so far away1 give me strength of body1 and then ,i may hope to see this love of mine so far away4 ,surely my love must be founded on true merit1 as ,i love one so far away4 ,if ,i am easy for a moment1 yet ,i feel a thousand pains for her who is so far away4 ,no other love ever touched my heart than this for her so far away4 ,a fairer than she never touched any heart1 either so near or so far away4'0 8,it is utter nonsense1 ,i grant you1 and the doings of this love-sick idiot seem to have been in character with his stanzas1 yet is there a mournful pathos about that wailing so far away which1 well-worded1 well-set1 and well-performed1 would make the success of a drawing-room song4 8,if the ,countess of ,tripoli1 who seems also to have owned a susceptible temperament1 had been his cousin and lived next door1 he would probably not have admired her the least1 would certainly never have wooed her in such wild and pathetic verse2 but he gave her credit for all the charms that constituted his own ideal of perfection1 and sickened even to death for the possession of his distant treasure1 simply and solely because it was so far away6 8,what people all really love is a dream4 ,the stronger the imagination the more vivid the phantom that fills it2 but on the other hand1 the waking is more sudden and more complete4 ,if ,i were a woman instead of a--a--specimen1 ,i should beware how ,i set my heart upon a man of imagination1 a quality which the world is apt to call genius1 with as much good sense as there would be in confounding the sparks from a blacksmith's anvil with the blacksmith himself4 ,such a man takes the first doll that flatters him1 dresses her out in the fabrications of his own fancy1 falls down and worships1 gets bored1 and gets up1 pulls the tinsel off as quick as he put it on2 being his own he thinks he may do what he likes with it1 and finds any other doll looks just as well in the same light and decked with the same trappings4 ,narcissus is not the only person who has fallen in love with the reflection1 or what he believed to be the reflection1 of himself4 ,some get off with a ducking1 some are drowned in sad earnest for their pains4 8,nevertheless1 as the ,french philosopher says1 #8,there is nothing so real as illusion4' ,the day that is dead has for men a more actual1 a more tangible1 a more vivid identity than the day that exists1 nay1 than the day as yet unborn4 ,one of the most characteristic and inconvenient delusions of humanity is its incapacity for enjoyment of the present4 ,life is a journey in which people are either looking forward or looking back4 ,nobody has the wisdom to sit down for half-an-hour in the shade listening to the birds overhead1 examining the flowers underfoot4 ,it is always #8,how pleasant it was yesterday6 ,what fun we shall have to-morrow6' ,never #8,how happy we are to-day6' ,and yet what is the past1 when we think of it1 but a dream vanished into darkness--the future but an uncertain glimmer that may never brighten into dawn8 8,it is strange how much stronger in old age than in youth is the tendency to live in the hereafter4 ,not the real hereafter of another world1 but the delusive hereafter of this4 ,tell a lad of eighteen that he must wait a year or two for anything he desires very eagerly1 and he becomes utterly despondent of attaining his wish2 but an old man of seventy is perfectly ready to make arrangements or submit to sacrifices for his personal benefit to be rewarded in ten years' time or so1 when he persuades himself he will still be quite capable of enjoying life4 ,the people who purchase annuities1 who plant trees1 who breed horses for their own riding are all past middle age4 ,perhaps they have seen so many things brought about by waiting1 more particularly when the deferred hope had caused the sick heart's desire to pass away1 that they have resolved for them also must be #8a good time coming1' if only they will have patience and #8wait a little longer4' ,perhaps they look forward because they cannot bear to look back4 ,perhaps in such vague anticipations they try to delude their own consciousness1 and fancy that by ignoring and refusing to see it they can escape the inevitable change4 ,after all1 this is the healthiest and most invigorating practice of the two4 ,something of courage seems wanting in man or beast when either is continually looking back4 ,to the philosopher #8a day that is dead' has no value but for the lesson it affords2 to the rest of mankind it is inestimably precious for the unaccountable reason that it can never come again40 8,be it so10 ,i answered2 8let me vote in the majority4 ,i think with the fools1 ,i honestly confess1 but ,i have also a theory of my own on this subject1 which ,i am quite prepared to hear ridiculed and despised4 ,my supposition is that ideas1 feelings1 delusions1 name them how you will1 recur in cycles1 although events and tangible bodies1 such as we term realities1 must pass away4 ,i cannot remember in my life any experience that could properly be called a new sensation4 ,when in a position of which ,i had certainly no former knowledge ,i have always felt a vague1 dreamy consciousness that something of the same kind must have happened to me before4 ,can it be that my soul has existed previously1 long ere it came to tenant this body that it is so soon about to quit8 ,can it be that its immortality stretches both ways1 as into the future so into the past8 ,may ,i not hope that in the infinity so fitly represented by a circle1 the past may become the future as the future most certainly must become the past1 and the day that is dead1 to which ,i now look back so mournfully1 may rise again newer1 fresher1 brighter than ever in the land of the morning beyond that narrow paltry gutter which we call the grave80 ,i waited anxiously for his answer4 ,there are some things we would give anything to know1 things on which certainty would so completely alter all our ideas1 our arrangements1 our hopes1 and our regrets4 ,ignorant of the coast to which we are bound1 its distance1 its climate1 and its necessities1 how can we tell what to pack up and what to leave behind8 ,to be sure1 regarding things material1 we are spared all trouble of selection2 but there is yet room for much anxiety concerning the outfit of the soul4 ,for the space of a minute he seemed to ponder1 and when he did speak1 all he said was this-- 8,i know1 but ,i must not tell10 preserving thereafter an inflexible silence till it was time to go to bed4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,the ,,four-,,leaved ,,shamrock ,we are all looking for it2 shall we ever find it8 ,can it be cultivated in hothouses by ,scotch head-gardeners with high wages and ,doric accent8 or shall we come upon it accidentally1 peeping through green bulrushes1 lurking in tangled woodlands1 or perched high on the mountain's crest1 far above the region of grouse and heather1 where the ptarmigan folds her wings amongst the silt and shingle in the clefts of the bare grey rock8 ,we climb for it1 we dive for it1 we creep for it on our belly1 like the serpent1 eating dust to any amount in the process2 but do we ever succeed in plucking such a specimen as1 according to our natures1 we can joyfully place in our hats for ostentation or hide under our waistcoats for true love8 ,do you remember ,sir ,walter ,scott's humorous poem called the 8,search after ,happiness08 ,do you remember how that ,eastern monarch who strove to appropriate the shirt of a contented man visited every nation in turn till he came to ,ireland1 the native soil indeed of all the shamrock tribe2 how his myrmidons incontinently assaulted one of the 8bhoys0 whose mirthful demeanour raised their highest hopes1 and how 8,shelelagh1 their plans was well-nigh after baulking1 ,much less provocation will set it a-walking2 ,but the odds that foiled ,hercules foiled ,paddywhack4 ,they floored him1 they seized him1 they stripped him1 alack6 ,up1 bubboo6 ,he hadn't a shirt to his back60 ,mankind has been hunting the four-leaved shamrock from the very earliest times on record4 ,i believe half the legends of mythology1 half the exploits of history1 half the discoveries of science1 originate in the universal search4 ,jason was looking for it with his ,argonauts when he stumbled on the ,golden ,fleece2 ,columbus sailed after it in the track of the setting sun1 scanning that bare horizon of an endless ocean1 day after day1 with sinking heart yet never-failing courage1 till the land-weeds drifting round his prow1 the land-birds perching on his spars1 brought him their joyous welcome from the undiscovered shore2 ,alexander traversed ,asia in his desire for it2 ,csar dashed through the ,rubicon in its pursuit2 ,napoleon well-nigh grasped it after ,austerlitz1 but the frosts and fires of ,moscow shrivelled it into nothing ere his hand could close upon the prize4 ,to find it1 sages have ransacked their libraries1 adepts exhausted their alembics1 misers hoarded up their gold4 ,it is not twined with the poet's bay-leaves1 nor is it concealed in the madman's hellebore4 ,people have been for it to the ,great ,desert1 the ,blue ,mountains1 the ,chinese capital1 the interior of ,africa1 and returned empty-handed as they went4 ,it abhors courts1 camps1 and cities2 it strikes no root in palace nor in castle2 and if more likely to turn up in a cottage-garden1 who has yet discovered the humble plot of ground on which it grows8 ,nevertheless1 undeterred by warning1 example1 and the experience of repeated failures1 human nature relaxes nothing of its persevering quest4 ,i have seen a dog persist in chasing swallows as they skimmed along the lawn2 but then the dog had once caught a wounded bird1 and was therefore acting on an assured and tried experience of its own4 ,if you or ,i had ever found one four-leaved shamrock1 we should be justified in cherishing a vague hope that we might some day light upon another4 ,the ,knights of the ,round ,table beheld with their own eyes that vision of the ,holy ,vessel1 descending in their midst1 which scattered those steel-clad heroes in all directions on the adventure of the ,sangreal2 but perhaps the very vows of chivalry they had registered1 the very exploits they performed1 originated with that restless longing they could not but acknowledge in common with all mankind for possession of the four-leaved shamrock4 8,and better he loved1 that monarch bold1 ,on venturous quest to ride ,in mail and plate1 by wood and wold1 ,than with ermine trapped and cloth of gold ,in princely bower to bide4 ,the bursting crash of a foeman's spear ,as it shivered against his mail1 ,was merrier music to his ear ,than courtier's whispered tale4 ,and the clash of ,caliburn more dear1 ,when on hostile casque it rung1 ,than all the lays to their monarch's praise ,the harpers of ,reged sung4 ,he loved better to bide by wood and river1 ,than in bower of his dame ,queen ,guenevere2 ,for he left that lady1 so lovely of cheer1 ,to follow adventures of danger and fear1 ,and little the frank-hearted monarch did wot ,that she smiled in his absence on brave ,launcelot40 ,oh6 those lilting stanzas of ,sir ,walter's1 how merrily they ring on one's ear1 like the clash of steel1 the jingling of bridles1 or the measured cadence of a good steed's stride6 ,we can fancy ourselves spurring through the mle after the 8selfless stainless0 king1 or galloping with him down the grassy glades of ,lyonesse on one of his adventurous quests for danger1 honour1 renown--and--the four-leaved shamrock4 ,obviously it did not grow in the tilt-yards at ,caerleon or the palace gardens of ,camelot2 nay1 he had failed to find it in the posy lovely ,guenevere wore on her bosom4 ,alas6 that even ,launcelot1 the flower of chivalry1 the brave1 the courteous1 the gentle1 the sorrowing and the sinful1 must have sought for it there in vain4 ,everybody begins life with a four-leaved shamrock in view1 an ideal of his own1 that he follows up with considerable wrong-headedness to the end4 ,such fiction has a great deal to answer for in the way of disappointment1 dissatisfaction1 and disgust4 ,many natures find themselves completely soured and deteriorated before middle age1 and why8 ,because1 forsooth1 they have been through the garden with no better luck than their neighbours4 ,i started in business1 we will say1 with good connections1 sufficient capital1 and an ardent desire to make a fortune4 ,must ,i be a saddened1 morose1 world-wearied man because1 missing that unaccountable rise in muletwist1 and taking the subsequent fall in grey shirtings too late1 ,i have only realised a competency1 while ,bullion1 who didn't want it1 made at least twenty thou48 ,or ,i wooed ,fortune as a soldier1 fond of the profession1 careless of climate1 prodigal of my person1 ramming my head wherever there was a chance of having it knocked off1 8sticking to it like a leech1 sir2 never missing a day's duty1 by ,jove6 while other fellows were getting on the staff1 shooting up the country1 or going home on sick leave40 ,so ,i remain nothing but an overworked field-officer1 grim and grey1 with an enlarged liver1 and more red in my nose than my cheeks1 while ,dawdle is a major-general commanding in a healthy district1 followed about by two aides-de-camp1 enjoying a lucrative appointment with a fair chance of military distinction4 ,shall ,i therefore devote to the lowest pit of ,acheron the ,horse ,guards1 the ,war ,office1 ,h4,r4,h4 the ,commander-in-,chief1 and the service of ,her ,majesty the ,queen8 ,how many briefless barristers must you multiply to obtain a ,lord ,chancellor1 or even a ,chief ,baron8 ,how many curates go to a bishop8 ,how many village practitioners to a fashionable doctor in a ,london-built brougham8 ,success in every line1 while it waits1 to a certain extent1 on perseverance and capacity1 partakes thus much in the nature of a lottery1 that for one prize there must be an incalculable number of blanks4 ,i will not go so far as to say that you should abstain from the liberal professions of arts or arms1 that you should refrain from taking your ticket in the lottery1 or in any way rest idly in mid-stream1 glad to 8,loose the sail1 shift the oar1 let her float down1 ,fleeting and gliding by tower and town20 but ,i ask you to remember that the marshal's baton can only be in one conscript's knapsack out of half a million2 that wigs and mitres1 and fees every five minutes1 fall only to one in ten thousand2 that although everybody has an equal chance in the lottery1 that chance may be described as but half a degree better than the cipher which represents zero4 ,there is an aphorism in everybody's mouth about the man who goes to look for a straight stick in the wood4 ,hollies1 elms1 oaks1 ashes1 and alders he inspects1 sapling after sapling1 in vain4 ,this one has a twist at the handle1 that bends a little towards the point2 some are too thick for pliancy1 some too thin for strength4 ,several would do very well but for the abundant variety that affords a chance of finding something better4 ,presently he emerges at the farther fence1 having traversed the covert from end to end1 but his hands are still empty1 and he shakes his head1 thinking he may have been over-fastidious in his choice4 ,a straight stick is no easier to find than would be a four-leaved shamrock4 ,the man who goes to buy a town house or rent a place in the country experiences the same difficulty4 ,up-stairs and down-stairs he travels1 inspecting kitchen-ranges1 sinks and sculleries1 attics1 bedrooms1 boudoirs1 and housemaids' closets1 till his legs ache1 his brain swims1 and his temper entirely gives way4 ,in ,london1 if the situation is perfect1 there is sure to be no servants' hall1 or the accommodation below-stairs leaves nothing to be desired1 but he cannot undertake to reside so far from his club4 ,these difficulties overcome1 he discovers the butler's pantry is so dark no servant of that fastidious order will consent to stay with him a week4 ,in the country1 if the place is pretty the neighbourhood may be objectionable3 the rent is perhaps delightfully moderate1 but he must keep up the grounds and pay the wages of four gardeners4 ,suitable in every other respect1 he cannot get the shooting2 or if no such drawbacks are to be alleged1 there is surely a railway through the park1 and no station within five miles4 ,plenty of shamrocks grow1 you see1 of the trefoil order1 green1 graceful1 and perfectly symmetrical4 ,it is that fourth leaf he looks for1 which creates all his difficulties4 ,the same with the gentleman in search of a horse1 the same with ,clebs in search of a wife4 ,if the former cannot be persuaded to put up with some little drawback of action1 beauty1 or temper1 he will never know that most delightful of all partnerships1 the sympathy existing between a good horseman and his steed4 ,if the latter expects to find a perfection really exist1 which he thinks he has discovered while dazzled by the glamour surrounding a man in love1 he deserves to be disappointed1 and he generally is4 ,rare1 rare indeed are the four-leaved shamrocks in either sex2 thrice happy those whom ,fate permits to win and wear them even for a day6 ,what is it we expect to find8 ,in this matter of marriage more than in any other our anticipations are so exorbitant that we cannot be surprised if our 8come-down0 is disheartening in proportion4 8,where is the maiden of mortal strain ,that may match with the ,baron of ,triermain8 ,she must be lovely1 constant1 and kind1 ,holy and pure1 and humble of mind10 etc4 7,how ,sir ,walter runs in my head to-night47 ,yes1 she must be all this1 and possess a thousand other good qualities1 many more than are enumerated by ,iago1 so as never to descend for a moment from the pedestal on which her baron has set her up4 ,is this indulgent8 is it even reasonable8 ,can he expect any human creature to be always dancing on the tight-rope8 ,why is ,lady ,triermain not to have her whims1 her temper1 her fits of ill-humour1 like her lord8 ,she must not indeed follow his example and relieve her mind by swearing 8a good1 round1 mouth-filling oath10 therefore she has the more excuse for feeling at times a little captious1 a little irritable1 what she herself calls a little cross4 ,did he expect she was an angel8 ,well1 he often called her one1 nay1 she looks like it even now in that pretty dress1 says my lord1 and she smiles through her tears1 putting her white arms round his neck so fondly that he really believes he has found what he wanted till they fall out again next time4 ,men are very hard in the way of exaction on those they love4 ,all 8take0 seems their motto1 and as little 8give0 as possible4 ,if they would but remember the golden rule and expect no more than should be expected from themselves1 it might be a better world for everybody4 ,i have sometimes wondered in my own mind whether women do not rather enjoy being coerced and kept down4 ,i have seen them so false to a kind heart1 and so fond of a cruel one4 ,are they slaves by nature1 do you conceive1 or only hypocrites by education8 ,i suppose no wise man puzzles his head much on that subject4 ,they are all incomprehensible and all alike6 8,how unjust60 exclaims ,bones1 interrupting me with more vivacity than usual4 8,how unsupported an assertion1 how sweeping an accusation1 how unfair1 how unreasonable1 and how like a man6 ,yes1 that is the way with every one of you2 disappointed in a single instance1 you take refuge from your own want of judgment1 your own mismanagement1 your own headlong stupidity1 in the condemnation of half the world6 ,you open a dozen oysters1 and turn away disgusted because you have not found a pearl4 ,you fall an easy prey to the first woman who flatters you1 and plume yourself on having gained a victory without fighting a battle4 ,the fortress so easily won is probably but weakly garrisoned1 and capitulates ere long to a fresh assailant4 ,when this has happened two or three times1 you veil your discomfiture under an affectation of philosophy and vow that women are all alike1 quoting perhaps a consolatory scrap from ,catullus-- #8,quid levius plum8 pulvis4 ,quid pulvere8 ventus4 ,quid vento8 mulier4 ,quid mulire8 nihil8' ,but ,roman proverbs and ,roman philosophy are unworthy and delusive4 ,there is a straight stick in the wood if you will be satisfied with it when found2 there is a four-leaved shamrock amongst the herbage if you will only seek for it honestly on your knees4 ,should there be but one in a hundred women1 nay1 one in a thousand1 on whom an honest heart is not thrown away1 it is worth while to try and find her4 ,at worst1 better be deceived over and over again than sink into that deepest slough of depravity in which those struggle who1 because their own trust has been outraged1 declare there is no faith to be kept with others2 because their own day has been darkened1 deny the existence of light4 8,you speak feelingly10 ,i observe1 conscious that such unusual earnestness denotes a conviction he will get the worst of the debate4 8,you have perhaps been more fortunate than the rest4 ,have you found her1 then1 this hundredth woman1 this prize1 this pearl1 this black swan1 glorious as the phnix and rare as the dodo8 ,forgive my argumentum ad hominem1 if ,i may use the expression1 and forgive my urging that such good fortune only furnishes one of those exceptions which1 illogical people assert1 prove the rule40 ,there is a vibration of his teeth wanting only lips to become a sneer1 while he replies-- 8,in my own case ,i was not so lucky1 but ,i kept my heart up and went on with my search to the end40 8,exactly10 ,i retort in triumph2 8you1 too1 spent a lifetime looking for the four-leaved shamrock1 and never found it after all4 ,but ,i think women are far more unreasonable than ourselves in this desire for the unattainable1 this disappointment when illusion fades into reality4 ,not only in their husbands do they expect perfection1 and that1 too1 in defiance of daily experience1 of obvious incompetency1 but in their servants1 their tradespeople1 their carriages1 their horses1 their rooms1 their houses1 the dinners they eat1 and the dresses they wear4 ,with them an avowal of incapacity to reconcile impossibilities stands for wilful obstinacy1 or sheer stupidity at best4 ,they believe themselves the victims of peculiar ill-fortune if their coachman gets drunk1 or their horses go lame2 if milliners are careless or ribbons unbecoming2 if chimneys smoke1 parties fall through1 or it rains when they want to put on a new bonnet4 ,they never seem to understand that every #8if' has its #8but1' every pro its con4 ,my old friend1 ,mr4 ,bishop1 of ,bond ,street1 the ,democritus of his day 7and may he live as long671 observed to me many years ago1 when young people went mad about the polka1 that the new measure was a type of everything else in life1 #8,what you gain in dancing you lose in turning round4' ,is it not so with all our efforts1 all our undertakings1 all our noblest endeavours after triumph and success8 ,in dynamics we must be content to resign the maximum of one property that we may preserve the indispensable minimum of another1 must allow for friction in velocity1 must calculate the windage of a shot4 ,in ethics we must accept fanaticism with sincerity1 exaggeration with enthusiasm1 over-caution with unusual foresight1 and a giddy brain with a warm1 impulsive heart4 ,what we take here we must give yonder2 what we gain in dancing we must lose in turning round6 8,but no woman can be brought to see this obvious necessity4 ,for the feminine mind nothing is impracticable4 ,not a young lady eating bread and butter in the school-room but cherishes her own vision of the prince already riding through enchanted forests in her pursuit4 ,the prince may turn out to be a curate1 a cornet1 or a count1 a duke or a dairy-farmer1 a baronet or a blacking-maker1 that has nothing to do with it4 ,relying on her limitless heritage of the possible1 she feels she has a prescriptive right to the title1 the ten thousand a year1 the matrimonial prize1 the four-leaved shamrock4 ,whatever else turns up1 she considers herself an ill-used woman for life1 unless all the qualities desirable in man are found united in the person and fortunes of her husband2 nay1 he must even possess virtues that can scarce possibly co-exist4 ,he must be handsome and impenetrable1 generous and economical1 gay and domestic1 manly but never from her side1 wise yet deferring to her opinion in all things1 quick-sighted1 though blind to any drawbacks or shortcomings in herself4 ,above all1 must he be superlatively content with his lot1 and unable to discover that by any means in his matrimonial venture1 #8what he gained in dancing he has lost in turning round4' 8,i declare to you ,i think if ,ursidius#b insists on marrying at all1 that he had better select a widow2 at least he runs at even weights against his predecessor1 who1 being a man1 must needs have suffered from human weakness and human infirmities4 ,the chances are that the dear departed went to sleep after dinner1 hated an open carriage1 made night hideous with his snores under the connubial counterpane1 and all the rest of it4 ,a successor can be no worse1 may possibly appear better2 but if he weds a maiden1 he has to contend with the female ideal of what a man should be6 and from such a contest what can accrue but unmitigated discomfiture and disgrace8 8,moreover1 should he prove pre-eminent in those manly qualities women most appreciate1 he will find that even in those they prefer to accept the shadow for the substance1 consistently mistaking assertion for argument1 volubility for eloquence1 obstinacy for resolution1 bluster for courage1 fuss for energy1 and haste for speed4 8,on one of our greatest generals1 remarkable for his gentle1 winning manner in the drawing-room as for his cool daring in the field1 before he had earned his well-merited honours1 ,i myself heard this verdict pronounced by a jury of maids and matrons3 #8,dear6 he's such a quiet creature1 ,i'm sure he wouldn't be much use in a battle6' ,no2 give them ,parolles going to recover his drum1 and they have a champion and a hero exactly to their minds1 but they would scarcely believe in ,richard of the ,lion-,heart if he held his peace and only set his teeth hard when he laid lance in rest4 8,therefore it is they tug so unmercifully at the slender thread that holds a captive1 imagining it is by sheer strength the quiet creature must be coerced4 ,some day the pull is harder than usual1 the thread breaks1 and the wild bird soars away1 free as the wind down which it sails1 heedless of lure and whistle1 never to return to bondage any more4 ,then who so aghast as the pretty1 thoughtless fowler1 longing and remorseful1 with the broken string in her hand8 8,she fancied1 no doubt1 her prisoner was an abnormal creature1 rejoicing in ill-usage2 that because it was docile and generous it must therefore be poor in spirit1 slavish in obedience1 and possessing no will of its own4 ,she thought she had found a four-leaved shamrock1 and this is the result6 8,but ,i may talk for ever and end where ,i began4 ,men you may convince by force of argument1 if your logic is very clear and your examples or illustrations brought fairly under their noses2 but with the other sex1 born to be admired and not instructed1 you might as well pour water into a sieve4 ,can you remember a single instance in which with these1 while a word of entreaty gained your point forthwith1 you might not have exhausted a folio of argument in vain80 ,he thinks for a minute1 and then answers deliberately1 as if he had made up his mind-- 8,i never knew but one woman who could understand reason1 and she wouldn't listen to it60 ,,chapter ,,viii ,,rus ,,in ,,urbe ,rom ,tibur ,amem1 ventosus4 ,tibure ,romam6 quoth the ,latin satirist1 ridiculing his own foibles1 like his neighbour's1 with the laughing1 half-indulgent banter that makes him the pleasantest1 the chattiest1 and the most companionable of classic writers4 ,how he loved the cool retirement of his ,sabine home1 its grassy glades1 its hanging woodlands1 its fragrant breezes wandering and whispering through those summer slopes1 rich in the countless allurements of a landscape that-- 8,like ,albunea's echoing fountain1 ,all my inmost heart hath ta'en2 ,give me ,anio's headlong torrent1 ,and ,tiburnus' grove and hills1 ,and its orchards sparkling dewy1 ,with a thousand wimpling rills10 as ,theodore ,martin translates his ,horace1 or thus1 according to ,lord ,ravensworth-- 8,like fair ,albunea's sybil-haunted hall1 ,by rocky ,anio's echoing waterfall1 ,and ,tibur's orchards and high-hanging wood1 ,reflected graceful in the whirling flood40 ,his lordship1 you observe1 who can himself write ,latin lyrics as though he had drunk with ,augustus1 and capped verses with ,ovid1 makes the second syllable of ,albunea long1 and a very diffuse argument might be held on this disputed quantity4 ,compare these with the original1 and say which you like best-- 8,quam domus ,albune resonantis1 ,et prceps ,anio ac ,tiburni lucus et uda ,mobilibus pomaria rivis40 ,by the way1 nobody who has not endeavoured to render ,latin poetry into ,english can appreciate the vigour and terseness of the older language4 ,here are six lines in the one version and four in the other1 required to translate three of the original1 perhaps without producing after all so full a meaning or so complete a picture4 ,nevertheless1 and notwithstanding his poetical predilections for the country1 ,horace1 like many other people1 seems of his two homes to have always preferred the one at which he was not4 ,an unhappy prejudice little calculated to enhance the comfort and content of daily life4 ,had he settled anywhere in the neighbourhood of our hermitage here1 he need not have accused himself of this fickle longing1 which he denounces by the somewhat ludicrous epithet of 8ventose40 ,he might have combined the advantages of town and country1 alternating the solitude of the desert with the society of his fellow-men1 blowing the smoke out of his lungs while inhaling the fresh breezes off the ,serpentine1 stretching his own limbs and his horses' by walks and rides round ,battersea1 ,victoria1 and ,hyde ,parks4 ,if you look for rus in urbe1 where will you find it in such perfection as within a mile of the ,wellington statue in almost any direction you please to take8 ,if you choose to saunter on a hot ,june day towards the ,ranger's ,lodge or the powder-magazine1 ,i could show you a spot from which ,i defy you to see houses1 spires1 gas-towers1 or chimneys1 anything1 indeed1 but green grass and blue sky1 and towering elms motionless1 in black massive shade1 or quivering in golden gleams of light4 ,a spot where you might lie and dream of nymph and faun1 wood-god and satyr1 ,daphne pursued by ,phbus1 ,acton flying before ,diana1 of ,pan and ,syrinx and ,echo1 and all the rustic joys of peaceful ,arcady--or of elves and brownies1 fair princesses and cruel monsters1 ,launcelot1 ,modred1 and ,carodac1 ,sir ,gawain the courteous with his 8lothely ladye10 the compromising cup1 the misfitting mantle1 all the bright pageantry1 quaint device1 and deep1 tender romance that groups itself round good ,king ,arthur and the ,knights of his ,round ,table--or of ,thomas the ,rhymer as he lay at length under the 8linden tree10 and espied1 riding towards him on a milk-white palfrey1 a dame so beautiful1 that he could not but believe she was the mother of his lord1 till undeceived by her own confession1 he won from her the fatal gift of an unearthly love4 ,and here1 perhaps1 you branch off into some more recent vision1 some dream of an elfin queen of your own1 who also showed you the path to heaven1 and gave you an insight into the ways of purgatory1 ere she beckoned you down the road to ,fairyland1 that leads--ah6 who knows where8 ,from this sequestered nook you need not walk a bowshot to arrive at the seaboard of the ,serpentine2 and here1 should there be a breath of air1 if you have any taste for yachting1 you may indulge it to your heart's content4 ,the glittering water is dotted with craft of every rig and1 under a certain standard1 of almost every size4 ,yawls1 cutters1 schooners1 barques1 brigs1 with here and there a three-masted ship4 ,on a wind and off a wind1 close-hauled and free1 rolling1 pitching1 going about1 occasionally missing stays1 and only to be extricated from the 8doldrums0 by a blundering1 over-eager water-dog1 the mimic fleet1 on its mimic ocean1 carries out its illusion so completely that you can almost fancy the air off the water feels damp to your forehead1 and tastes salt upon your lips4 ,an ancient mariner who frequents the beach below the boat-house feels1 ,i am convinced1 thoroughly persuaded that his occupation is strictly professional1 that he is himself a necessity1 not of amusement1 but business4 ,he will tell you that when the wind veers round like that1 8suddenways1 off ,kensington ,gardens1 you may look out for squalls20 that 8last ,toosday was an awful wild night1 and some on 'em broke from their moorings afore he could turn out4 ,the ,bellerophon1 bless ye1 was as nigh lost as could be1 and that there ,water ,lily1 the sweetest thing as ever swam--she sprang her boom1 damaged her bowsprit1 and broke her nose4 ,he was refitting all ,wens'day1 he was1 up to two o'clock1 and a precious job he had60 ,every one who constantly 8takes his walks abroad0 in the ,great ,city1 becomes a philosopher in spite of himself1 of the ,peripatetic ,school1 no doubt1 but still a philosopher2 so you sympathise mildly with the mariner's troubles2 for to you no human interests are either great or small1 nor does one pursuit or person bore you more than another4 ,you hazard an opinion1 therefore1 that the ,water ,lily is somewhat too delicate and fragile a craft to encounter boisterous weather1 even on such an inland sea as this1 and find1 to your dismay1 that so innocent an observation stamps you in his opinion as not only ignorant1 but presumptuous4 ,he considers her both 8wholesome10 as he calls it1 and 8weatherly10 urging on you many considerations of sea-worthiness1 such as her false keel1 her bulwarks1 her breadth of beam1 and general calibre4 8,why1 she's seven-and-twenty10 says he1 rolling a peppermint lozenge round his tongue1 just as a real seaman turns a quid2 8now look at the ,sea-,sarpent lying away to the eastward yonder1 just beyond the point where the gravel's been washed adrift4 ,she's fifty-two1 she is1 but ,i wouldn't trust her1 not in lumpy water1 you know1 like the schooner4 ,no4 ,if ,i was a-building of one now1 what ,i call1 for all work and all weathers1 thirty would be my mark1 or from that to thirty-five at the outside60 8,thirty-five what8 ,tons80 you ask1 a little abashed1 and feeling you have committed yourself4 8,tons60 he repeats1 in a tone of intense disgust--8tons be blowed6 h'inches6 ,i should have thought any landsman might ha' knowed that--h'inches60 and lurching sulkily into his cabin under the willow-tree1 disappears to be seen no more4 ,later1 when ,september has begun to tinge the topmost twigs with gold1 and autumn1 like a beautiful woman1 then indeed at her loveliest1 who is just upon the wane1 dresses in her deepest colours1 and her richest garments1 go roaming about in ,kensington ,gardens1 and say whether you might not fancy yourself a hundred miles from any such evidences of civilisation as a pillar-post or a cab-stand4 ,it was but the other day ,i sauntered through the grove that stands nearest the ,uxbridge ,road1 and1 while an afternoon mist limited my range of vision and deadened the sounds of traffic on my ears1 ,i could hardly persuade myself that in less than five minutes ,i might if ,i liked make the thirteenth in an omnibus4 ,alone8 you ask--of course ,i was4 ,yet1 stay1 not quite alone1 for with me walked the shadow that1 when we have learned to prefer solitude to society1 accompanies us in all our wanderings1 teaching us1 ,i humbly hope1 the inevitable lesson1 permanent and precious in proportion to the pain with which the poor scholar gets his task by heart4 ,well1 ,i give you my word1 the endless stems1 the noiseless solitude1 the circumscribed horizon1 reminded me of those forest ranges in ,north ,america that stretch interminable from the waters of the ,st4 ,ann's and the ,batsicon to the wild waves breaking dark and sullen on the desert seaboard of ,labrador4 ,i am not joking4 ,i declare to you ,i was once more in moccasins1 blanket-coat1 and bonnet-rouge1 with an axe in my belt1 a pack on my shoulders1 and a rifle in my hand1 following the track of the treborgons#c on snow-shoes1 in company with ,thomas1 the ,french ,canadian1 and ,franois1 the half-breed1 and the ,huron chief with a name ,i could never pronounce1 that neither ,i nor any man alive can spell4 ,ah6 it was a merry life we led on those moose-hunting expeditions1 in spite of hard work1 hard fare1 and1 on occasion1 more than a sufficiency of the discomfort our retainers called expressively misre4 ,there was a strange charm in the marches through those silent forests1 across those frozen lakes1 all clothed alike in their winter robe of white and diamonds4 ,there was a bold1 free1 joyous comfort in the hole we dug through a yard and a half of snow1 wherein to build our fire1 boil our kettle1 fry our pork 7it is no use talking of such things to you1 but ,i was going to say1 never forget a frying-pan on these expeditions2 it is worth all the kitchen-ranges in ,belgravia71 to smoke our tobacco1 ay1 and to take our rest4 ,there was something of sweet adventurous romance in waking at midnight to see the stars flash like brilliants through the snow-encrusted branches overhead1 wondering vaguely where and why and what were all those countless worlds of flame4 ,perhaps to turn round again and dream of starry eyes in the settlements1 then closed in sleep1 or winking drowsily at a night-light1 while the pretty watcher pondered1 not unmindful of ourselves1 pitying us1 it may be1 couching here in the bush1 and thinking in her ignorance how cold we were6 ,then when we reached our hunting-ground and came up with our game at last1 though1 truth to tell1 the sport as sport was poor enough1 there was yet a wild delightful triumph in overtaking and slaying a gigantic animal that had never seen the face of man4 ,the chase was exciting1 invigorating1 bracing2 the idea grand1 heroic1 ,scandinavian4 8,an elk came out of the pine-forest2 ,he snuffed up east1 he snuffed up west1 ,stealthy and still2 ,his mane and his horns were shaggy with snow1 ,i laid my arrow across my bow1 ,stealthily and still2 ,the bowstring rattled--the arrow flew1 ,and it pierced his blade-bone through and through1 ,hurrah6 ,i sprang at his throat like a wolf of the wood1 ,and ,i dipped my hands in the smoking blood1 ,hurrah60 ,kingsley had not written ,hypatia then4 ,kingsley never went moose-hunting in his life4 ,how could he so vividly describe the gait and bearing of a forest elk stalking warily1 doubtfully1 yet with a kingly pride through his wintry haunts8 ,probably from the instinctive sense of fitness1 the intuition peculiar to poets1 that enabled him to feel alike with a fierce ,goth sheltering in his snow-trench1 and a soft1 seductive southern beauty1 languishing1 lovely and beloved1 in spite of dangerous impulses and tarnished fame1 in spite of wilful heart1 reckless self-abandonment1 woman weakness1 and the fatal saffron shawl4 ,i tell you that ,i could not have been more completely alone in ,robinson ,crusoe's island than ,i found myself here within a rifle-shot of ,kensington ,palace1 during a twenty minutes' walk1 to and fro1 up and down1 threading the stems of those tall1 metropolitan trees2 nor when my solitude was at last disturbed could ,i find it in me to grudge the intruders their share of my retreat4 ,more especially as they were themselves thoroughly unconscious of everything but their own companionship1 sauntering on1 side by side1 with murmured words1 and loving looks1 and steps that dwelt and lingered on the path1 because impossible roses seemed springing into bloom beneath their very feet1 and that for them ,kensington ,gardens were indeed as the gardens of ,paradise4 ,i knew right well for me the mist was gathering round1 ghostly and damp and chill4 ,it struck through my garments1 it crept about my heart1 but for these1 thank ,god6 the sky was bright as a midsummer noon4 ,they were basking in the warmth and light of those gleams that come once or twice in a lifetime to remind us of what we might be1 to reproach us1 perhaps1 gently for what we are4 ,they did not speak much1 they laughed not at all4 ,their conversation seemed a little dull1 trite1 and commonplace1 yet ,i doubt if either of them has forgotten a word of it yet4 ,it was pleasant to observe how happy they were1 and ,i am sure they thought it was to last for ever4 ,indeed ,i wish it may6 ,but the reflections of a man on foot are to those of a man on horseback as the tortoise to the hare1 the mouse to the lion1 tobacco to opium1 chalk to cheese1 prose to poetry4 8,as moonshine is to sunshine1 and as water is to wine40 ,get into the saddle1 leap on a thorough-bred horse1 if you have got one4 ,never mind his spoiling you for every other animal of meaner race1 and come for a 8spin0 up the ,ride from ,hyde ,park ,corner to ,kensington ,gate1 careful only to steady him sufficiently for the safety of ,her ,majesty's subjects1 and the inquisition1 not very rigorous1 of the policemen on duty4 ,for seven months in the year1 at least1 this is perhaps the only mile and a half in ,england over which you may gallop without remorse for battering legs and feet to pieces on the hard ground4 ,away you go1 the breeze lifting your whiskers from the very roots 7,i forgot1 you have no whiskers1 nor indeed would such superfluities be in character with the severe style of your immortal beauty74 ,never mind1 the faster you gallop the keener and cooler comes the air4 ,sit well down1 just feel him on the curb1 let him shake his pretty head and play with his bridle1 sailing away with his hind-legs under your stirrup-irons1 free1 yet collected1 so that you could let him out at speed1 or have him back in a canter within half-a-dozen strides2 pat him lovingly just where the hair turns on his glossy neck like a knot in polished woodwork1 and while he bends to meet the caress1 and bounds to acknowledge it1 tell me that dancing is the poetry of motion if you dare6 ,should it not be the ,london season--and ,i am of opinion that the rus in urbe is more enjoyable to both of us at the 8dead time of year0 than during the three fashionable months--do not1 therefore1 feel alarmed that you will have the ride to yourself1 or that if you come to grief there will be nobody to pick you up6 ,here you will meet some ,life-,guardsman 8taking the nonsense0 out of a charger he hates2 there some fair girl1 trim of waist1 blue of habit1 and golden of chignon1 giving her favourite 8a breather10 ready and willing to acknowledge that she is happier thus1 speeding along in her side-saddle1 than floating round a ball-room to ,coote and ,tinney's softest strains with the best waltzer in ,london for a partner4 ,but your horse has got his blood up1 and you yourself feel that rising within1 which reminds you of the merry youthful days1 when everything in life was done1 so to speak1 at a gallop4 ,you long to have a lark--you cannot settle down without a jump or two at least4 ,you look wistfully at the single iron rail that guards the footway1 but refrain3 and herein you are wise4 ,nevertheless1 you shall not be disappointed2 you have but to jog quietly out of the ,park1 through ,queen's ,gate1 turning thereafter to your right1 and within a quarter of a mile you shall find what you require4 ,yes1 in good truth1 our rus in urbe1 to be the more complete1 is not without a little hunting-ground of its own4 ,mr4 ,blackman has laid out a snug enclosure1 walled in on all sides and remote from observation1 where man and horse may disport themselves with no more fear of being crowded and jostled than in ,launde ,woods or ,rockingham ,forest during the autumnal months4 ,here you will find every description of fence in miniature1 neat and new and complete1 like the furniture in a doll's baby-house--a little hedge1 a little ditch1 a little double1 and a very little gate1 cunningly constructed on mechanical principles so as to let you off easily should you tamper with its top bar1 the whole admirably adapted to encourage a timid horse or steady a bold one4 ,all this is child's-play1 no doubt--the merest child's-play1 compared with the real thing4 ,yet there is much in the association of ideas2 and a round or two over this mimic country cannot but bring back to you the memory of the merriest1 ay1 and the happiest1 if not the sweetest1 moments of your life4 ,mounted1 with a good start1 in a grass country1 after a pack of foxhounds1 there is no discord in the melody1 no bitter in the cup--your keenest anxiety the soundness of the level water-meadow1 your worst misgiving the strength of the farther rail1 the width of the second ditch4 ,the goddess of your worship bids your pulses leap and your blood thrill1 but never makes your heart ache1 and the thorns that hedge the roses of ,diana can only pierce skin-deep4 ,wasn't it glorious1 though you rode much heavier then than you do now1--wasn't it glorious1 ,i say1 to view a gallant fox going straight away from ,lilburne1 ,loatland ,wood1 ,shankton ,holt1 ,john-o'-,gaunt1 or any covert you please to name that lies in the heart of a good-scenting1 fair-fenced1 galloping country8 ,yourself1 sheltered and unseen1 what keen excitement to mark his stealing1 easy action1 gliding across the middle of the fields1 nose1 back1 and brush carried in what geometricians call a 8right0 line1 to lead you over what many people would call a 8serious0 one6 ,a chorus ringing from some twenty couple of tongues becomes suddenly mute1 and the good horse beneath you trembles with delight while the hounds pour over the fence that bounds the covert1 scattering like a conjuror's pack of cards1 ere they converge in the form of an arrow1 heads and sterns down1 racing each other for a lead1 and lengthening out from the sheer pace at which a burning scent enables them to drive along6 ,they have settled to it now4 ,you may set to and ride without compunction or remorse4 ,a dozen fields1 as many fences1 a friendly gate1 and they have thrown their heads up in a lane4 ,half-a-score of sportsmen1 one plastered with mud1 and the huntsman now come up2 you feel conscious1 though you know you are innocent1 that he thinks you have been driving them6 ,you remark1 also1 that there is more red than common in the men's faces and the horses' nostrils2 both seem to be much excited and a little blown4 ,the check1 however1 is not of long duration4 ,fortunately1 the hounds have taken the matter in hand for themselves1 ere the only person qualified to do so has had time to interfere4 ,rarpsody1 as he calls her1 puts her nose down and goes off again at score4 ,you scramble out of the lane1 post-haste1 narrowly escaping a fall4 ,your horse has caught his wind with that timely pull4 ,he is going as bold as a lion1 as easy as a bird1 as steady as a rock4 ,you seem to have grown together1 and move like one creature to that long swinging stride1 untiring and regular as clock-work4 ,a line of grass is before you1 a light east wind in your face1 two years' condition and the best blood of ,newmarket in his veins render you confident of your steed's enduring powers1 while every field as he swoops over it1 every fence as he throws it lightly behind him1 convinces you more and more of his speed1 mettle1 and activity4 ,what will you have8 ,the pleasures of imagination1 at least1 are unlimited4 ,shall it be two-and-twenty minutes up wind and to ground as hard as they can go8 ,shall it be thirty-five without another check1 crossing the best of the ,vale1 and indulging the good horse with never a pull till you land in the field where old ,rhapsody1 with flashing eyes and bristles all on end1 runs into her quarry1 rolling him over and herself with him1 to be buried in the rush of her eager worrying followers8 ,would you prefer twelve miles from point to point1 accomplished in an hour and a half1 comprising every variety of country1 every vicissitude of the chase1 and ending only when the crows are hovering and swooping over a staunch1 courageous1 travel-wearied fox1 holding on with failing strength but all-undaunted spirit for the forest that another mile would reach but that he is never to see again8 ,you may take your choice4 ,holloa6 he has disappeared6--he has taken refuge in his cupboard4 ,not even such a skeleton as mine can sustain the exorcism of so powerful a spell as fox-hunting6 ,so be it4 ,who-whoop6 ,gone to ground8 ,i think we will leave him there for the present4 ,it is better not to dig him out6 ,,chapter ,,ix ,,haunted ,a hundred years ago there was scarce a decent country house in ,england or ,scotland that did not pride itself on two advantages--the inexhaustible resources of its cellar and the undoubted respectability of its ghost4 ,whether the generous contents of the one had not something to do with the regular attendance of the other1 ,i will not take upon me to decide2 but in those times hall1 castle1 manor-house1 and even wayside inn were haunted every one4 ,the phantoms used to be as various1 too1 as the figures in a pantomime4 ,strains of unaccountable music sometimes floated in the air4 ,invisible carriages rolled into courtyards at midnight1 and door-bells rang loudly1 pulled by unearthly visitors1 who were heard but never seen4 ,if you woke at twelve o'clock you were sure to find a nobleman in court-dress1 or a lady in farthingale and high-heeled shoes1 warming a pair of ringed and wasted hands at the embers of your wood-fire2 failing these1 a favourite sample of the supernatural consisted of some pale woman in white garments1 with her black hair all over her shoulders and her throat cut from ear to ear4 ,in one instance ,i remember a posting-house frequented by the spirit of an ostler with a wooden leg2 but perhaps the most blood-chilling tale of all is that which treats of an empty chamber having its floor sprinkled with flour to detect the traces of its mysterious visitant1 and the dismay with which certain horror-stricken watchers saw footsteps printing themselves off1 one by one1 on the level spotless surface--footsteps plain and palpable1 but of the ,fearful ,presence nothing more6 ,as with houses in those1 so is it with men in these days4 ,most of the people ,i have known in life were haunted2 so haunted1 indeed1 that for some the infliction has led at last to madness1 though in most instances productive only of abstracted demeanour1 wandering attention1 idiotic cross-purposes1 general imbecility of intellect1 and1 on occasion1 reckless hilarity1 with quaint1 wild1 incoherent talk4 ,these haunted head-pieces1 too1 get more and more dilapidated every day2 but how to exorcise them1 that is the difficulty6 ,what spells shall have power to banish the evil spirit from its tenement1 and lay it in the ,red ,sea8 if indeed that is the locality to which phantoms should properly be consigned4 ,haunted men are1 of all their kind1 the most unhappy2 and you shall not walk along a ,london street without meeting them by the dozen4 ,the dwelling exclusively on one idea1 if not in itself an incipient symptom1 tends to produce1 ere long1 confirmed insanity4 ,yet how many people have we seen going about with the germs of so fearful a calamity developing into maturity6 ,this man is haunted by hope1 that by fear1--others by remorse1 regret1 remembrance1 desire1 or discontent4 ,each cherishes his ghost with exceeding care and tenderness1 giving it up1 as it were1 room after room in the house1 till by degrees it pervades the whole tenement1 and there is no place left for a more remunerative lodger1 healthy1 substantial1 and real4 ,i have seen people so completely under the dominion of expectation1 that in their morbid anticipation of the ,future1 they could no more enjoy the pleasures afforded by the ,present than the dead4 ,i have known others for whom the brightest sunshine that ever shone was veiled by a cloud of apprehension1 lest storms should be lurking below their horizon the while1 who would not so much as confess themselves happy because of a conviction such happiness was not to last1--and for whom time being--as is reasonable--only temporal could bring neither comfort nor relief4 ,it is rarer to find humanity suffering from the tortures of remorse1 a sensation seldom unaccompanied1 indeed1 by misgivings of detection and future punishment2 still1 when it does fasten on a victim1 this ,nemesis is of all others the most cruel and vindictive4 ,regret1 however1 has taken possession of an attic1 in most of our houses1 and refuses obstinately to be dislodged4 ,it is a quiet1 well-behaved ghost enough1 interfering but little with the ordinary occupations of the family1 content to sit in a dark corner1 weeping feebly and wringing its hands1 but with an inconvenient and reprehensible tendency to emerge on special occasions of rejoicing and festivity1 to obtrude its unwelcome presence when the other inmates are gladdened by any unusual beauty of sight or sound4 ,discontent1 perhaps1 should hardly be dignified with the title of a ghost4 ,he resembles rather those ,brownies and ,lubbers of northern superstition1 who1 unsightly and even ludicrous in appearance1 were not yet without their use in performing the meaner offices of a household4 ,if properly treated and never dragged into undue notice1 the ,brownie would sweep up the hearth1 bring in the fuel1 milk the cows1 and take upon him the rough work generally1 in an irregular1 uncouth1 but still tolerably efficient style4 ,so perhaps a spirit of discontent1 kept within proper bounds1 may prove the unsuspected mainspring of much useful labour1 much vigorous effort1 much eventual success4 ,the spur is doubtless a disagreeable instrument to the horse1 and its misapplication has lost many a race ere now2 but there is no disputing that it can rouse into action such dull torpid temperaments as1 thus unstimulated1 would never discover their own powers nor exert themselves to do their best4 ,but ,i should draw a wide distinction between the discontent which instigates us to improve our lot1 and the desire1 the desiderium1 the poisonous mixture of longing and sorrow1 defiance and despair1 which bids us only rend our garments1 scatter ashes on our heads1 and sit down in the dust unmanly to repine4 ,it is the difference between the ,brownie and the ,fiend4 ,of all evil spirits ,i think this last is the most fatal1 the most accursed4 ,we can none of us forget how our father ,abraham1 standing at his tent door on the plains of ,mamre1 entertained three angels unawares4 ,and we1 too1 his descendants1 are always on the look-out for the visitors from heaven4 ,do they ever tarry with any of us for more than a night's lodging8 ,alas6 that the very proof of our guest's celestial nature is the swiftness with which he vanishes at daybreak like a dream4 ,but oftener the stranger we receive1 though coming from another world1 is not from above4 ,his beauty1 indeed1 seems angelic1 and he is clad in garments of light4 ,for a while we are glad to be deceived1 cherishing and prizing our guest1 the more perhaps for those very qualities which should warn us of his origin4 ,so we say to him1 8,thou art he for whom we have been looking4 ,abide with us here for ever40 ,and he takes us at our word4 ,henceforth the whole house belongs to the ghost4 ,when we go to dinner1 he sits at the head of the table4 ,try to shame him away with laughter1 and you will soon know the difference between mirth and joy4 ,try to drown him with wine4 ,no4 ,don't try that4 ,it is too dangerous an experiment1 as any doctor who keeps a private mad-house will tell you4 ,our duties we undertake hopelessly and languidly1 because of his sneer1 which seems to say1 8,what is the use8 ,am ,i not here to see that you reap no harvest from your labour1 earn no oblivion with your toil80 ,and for our pleasures--how can we have any pleasures in that imperious presence1 under the lash of that cruel smile8 ,even if we leave our home and walk abroad1 in hope to free ourselves from the tenacious incubus1 it is in vain4 ,there is beauty in the outside world1 quiet in the calm distant skies1 peace in the still summer evening1 but not for us--nevermore for us-- 8,almost upon the western wave ,rested the broad bright sun1 ,when that strange shape drove suddenly ,betwixt us and the sun40 ,ay1 therein lurks our curse4 ,we bear the presence well enough when cold winds blow and snow falls1 or when all the landscape about is bleak and bare and scathed by bitter frosts4 ,the cruel moment is that in which we feel a capability of enjoyment still left but for our affliction1 a desire to bask in his rays1 a longing to turn our faces towards his warmth-- 8,when that strange shape drives suddenly ,betwixt us and the sun40 ,there is no exorciser from without who can help us4 ,alas6 that we can so seldom help ourselves4 ,the strength of ,hercules could not preserve the hero from his ghastly fate4 ,our ghost is no more to be got rid of by main force than was ,dejanira's fatal tunic1 clinging1 blistering1 wrapping its wearer all the closer1 that he tore away the smarting flesh by handfuls4 ,friends will advise us to make the best of it1 and no doubt their counsel is excellent though gratuitous1 wanting indeed nothing but the supplementary information1 how we are to make the best of that which is confessedly at its worst4 ,enemies opine that we are weak fools1 and deserve to be vanquished for our want of courage--an argument that would hold equally good with every combatant overpowered by superior strength2 and all the time the ghost that haunted us sits aloft1 laughing our helplessness to scorn1 cold1 pitiless1 inexorable1 and always 8,betwixt us and the sun40 ,if we cannot get rid of him1 he will sap our intellects and shorten our lives2 but there is a spell which even this evil spirit has not power to withstand1 and it is to be found in an inscription less imitated perhaps than admired by the 8monks of old40 8,laborare est orare10 so runs the charm4 ,work and worship1 and a stern resolve to ignore his presence1 will eventually cause this devil to 8come out of the man40 ,not1 be sure1 till he has torn and rent him cruelly--not till he has driven him abroad to wander night and day amongst the tombs1 seeking rest1 poor fevered wretch1 and finding none1 because of his tormentor--not till1 in utter helplessness and sheer despair1 stunned1 humbled1 and broken-hearted1 the demoniac has crept feebly to the ,master's feet1 will he find himself delivered from his enemy1 weary1 sore1 and wasted1 but 8clothed1 and in his right mind40 ,amongst the many ghost stories ,i have read there is one of which ,i only remember that it turned upon the inexplicable presence of a window too much in the front of a man's house4 ,this individual had lately taken a farm1 and with it a weird1 long-uninhabited dwelling in which he came to reside4 ,his first care1 naturally enough1 was to inspect the building he occupied1 and he found1 we will say1 two rooms on the second floor1 each with two windows4 ,the rooms were close together1 and the walls of not more than average thickness4 ,it was some days ere he made rather a startling discovery4 ,returning from the land towards his own door1 and lifting the eyes of proprietorship on his home1 he counted on the second story five windows in front instead of four6 ,the man winked and stared and wondered4 ,knowing he was not drunk1 he thought he must be dreaming1 and counted them over again--still with the same result4 ,entering his house1 he ran up-stairs forthwith1 and made a strict investigation of the second floor4 ,there were the two rooms1 and there were the four windows as usual4 ,day after day he went through the same process1 till by degrees his wonder diminished1 his apprehensions vanished2 his daily labour tired him so that he could have slept sound in a graveyard1 and by the time his harvest was got in1 the subject never so much as entered his head4 ,now this is the way to treat the haunted chamber in our own brain4 ,fasten its door2 if necessary1 brick up its window4 ,deprive it of air and light4 ,ignore it altogether4 ,when you walk along the passage never turn your head in its direction1 no1 not even though the dearest hope of your heart lies dead and cold within2 but if duty bids you1 do not shrink from entering--walk in boldly6 ,confront the ghost1 and show it that you have ceased to tremble in its presence4 ,time after time the false proportions1 once so ghastly and gigantic1 will grow less and less--some day the spectre will vanish altogether4 ,mind1 ,i do not promise you another inmate4 ,while you live the tenement will probably remain bare and uninhabited2 but at the worst an empty room is surely better than a bad lodger6 ,it is difficult1 you will say1 thus to ignore that of which both head and heart are full4 ,so it is4 ,very difficult1 very wearisome1 very painful1 yet not impossible6 ,make free use of the spell4 ,work1 work1 till your brain is so overwrought it cannot think1 your body so tired it must rest or die4 ,pray humbly1 confidingly1 sadly1 like the publican1 while your eyes can hardly keep open1 your hands droop helpless by your side1 and your sleep shall be sound1 holy1 unhaunted1 so that with to-morrow's light you may rise to the unremitting task once more4 ,do not hope you are to gain the victory in a day4 ,it may take months4 ,it may take years4 ,inch by inch1 and step by step1 the battle must be fought4 ,over and over again you will be worsted and give ground1 but do not therefore yield4 ,resolve never to be driven back quite so far as you have advanced4 ,imperceptibly1 the foe becomes weaker1 while you are gaining strength4 ,the time will come at last1 when you can look back on the struggle with a half-pitying wonder that he could ever have made so good a fight4 ,do not then forget to be grateful for the aid you prayed so earnestly might be granted at your need2 and remember also1 for your comfort1 that the harder won the victory1 the less likely it is you will ever have to wage such cruel battle again4 8,would it not be wiser10 observed ,bones quietly1 8never to begin the conflict8 ,not to take possession of the haunted house at all80 ,there is a pseudo-philosophy about some of his remarks that provokes me intensely4 8,would it not be wiser10 ,i repeated1 in high disdain1 8to sit on the beach than put out to sea1 to walk afoot than ride on horseback1 to loll on velvet cushions in the gallery1 than go down under shield into the lists1 and strike for life1 honour1 and renown8 ,no4 ,it would not be wiser4 ,true wisdom comes by experience4 ,he who shrinks from contact with his fellow-men--who fears to take his share of their burdens1 their sorrows1 their sufferings1 is but a poor fool at best4 ,he may be learned in the learning of the schools1 but he is a dunce in all that relates to #8the proper study of mankind'2 he is ignorant of human nature1 its sorrows1 its passions1 its feelings1 its hidden vein of gold1 lying under a thick crust of selfishness and deceit2 above all1 he knows nothing of his inmost heart1 nothing of the fierce1 warlike joy in which a bold spirit crushes and tramples out its own rebellion--nothing of that worshipper's lofty courage who #8,gives the first watch of the night ,to the red planet ,mars1' who feels a stern and dogged pride in the consciousness that he #8,knows how sublime a thing it is ,to suffer and be strong4' ,no3 in the moral as in the physical battle1 though you be pinned to the earth1 yet writhe yourself up against the spear1 like the #8grim ,lord of ,colonsay1' who1 in his very death-pang1 swung his claymore1 set his teeth1 and drove his last blow home4 8,besides1 if you are to avoid the struggle entirely1 how are you ever to learn the skill of self-defence1 by which a thrust may be parried or returned8 the art of tying an artery or stanching a wound8 ,how are you to help others who cannot help yourself8 ,a man is put into this world to do a certain share of the world's work2 to stop a gap in the world's fencing2 to form a cog1 however minute1 in the world's machinery4 ,by the defalcation even of the humblest individual1 some of its movements must be thrown out of gear4 ,the duty is to be got through1 and none of us1 haunted or unhaunted1 ghost or no ghost1 may shirk our share4 ,stick to your post like a ,roman soldier during the watches of the night4 ,presently morning will come1 when every phantom must vanish into air1 every mortal confront that inevitable reality for which the dream we call a lifetime is but a novitiate and a school40 ,,chapter ,x ,,weight ,,carriers ,fifty years ago1 when the burning of a bishop at ,smithfield would scarce have created more sensation in clerical circles than a ,ritualistic ,commission or a ,pan-,anglican ,synod1 our divines took their share of secular pastime far more freely than at present4 ,it was the parson who killed his thirty brace of partridges1 and this1 too1 with a flint-and-steel gun1 over dogs of his own breaking1 on the broiling #ast of ,september4 ,it was the parson who alone got to the end of that famous five-and-forty minutes from 8,the ,church ,spinneys10 when a large field were beat off to a man1 and the squire broke his horse's back4 ,it was the parson who knew more about rearing pheasants1 circumventing wild ducks1 otter-hunting1 fly-fishing1 even rat-catching1 than any one else in the parish2 and it was the parson1 too1 who sometimes took the odds about a flyer at ,newmarket1 and landed a good stake by backing his own sound ecclesiastical opinion4 ,concerning one of these racing divines ,i remember the following anecdote3-- ,returning from afternoon service on a ,sunday1 he happened to witness a trial of speed between two of his school-children4 ,unequally matched in size1 the big boy1 as was natural1 beat the little one1 but only by a couple of yards4 ,the parson stood still1 watched them approvingly1 and meditated4 8,come here10 said he to the winner4 8,go into my study1 and fetch me my big ,bible40 ,the urchin obeyed1 and returned bearing a ponderous quarto volume4 8,now10 continued his reverence1 8start fair1 and run it over again40 ,the competitors wished no better fun1 and finished this time with a dead heat4 8,good boys6 ,good boys60 said the parson1 reflectively4 8,ah6 ,i thought the weight would bring you together40 ,yes2 how surely the weight brings us together6 ,how often have we not seen the universal handicap run out over the course of daily life8 ,some of us start so free1 so light-hearted1 so full of hope and confidence1 expecting no less than to gallop in alone4 ,presently the weight begins to tell2 the weight that we have voluntarily accepted1 or the weight imposed on us by the wisdom of superior judgment4 ,we labour1 we struggle1 we fail2 we drop back to those whom we thought so meanly of as our competitors2 they reach us1 they pass us1 and though punishment be not spared1 they gain the post at last1 perhaps many1 many lengths ahead6 ,and even if we escape the disgrace of having thus to succumb1 even if our powers be equal to the tax imposed on them1 we are not to expect an easy victory2 there is no 8winning in a canter0 here4 ,every effort tells on mettle1 nerve1 and spirits2 on heart1 body1 and brain4 ,we want them all1 we summon them1 we use them freely1 and then1 it may be within one stride of victory1 comes the cruel and irretrievable breakdown4 ,men1 like horses1 must be content to carry weight4 ,like horses1 too1 though some are far more adapted than others to the purpose1 all learn in time to accommodate themselves1 so to speak1 in pace and action to their inevitable burden4 ,how they fight under it at first6 ,how eager1 and irritable1 and self-willed it renders them2 how violent and impetuous1 as if in haste to get the whole thing over and done with4 ,but in a year or two the back accustoms itself to the burden2 the head is no longer borne so high1 the proud neck bends to the curb1 and though the stride be shortened1 the dashing1 bird-like buoyancy gone for ever1 a gentle1 docile temper has taken its place1 with sufficient courage and endurance for all reasonable requirements left4 ,neither animal1 indeed1 is ever so brilliant again2 but thus it is that both become steady1 plodding1 useful creatures1 fit to perform honestly and quietly their respective duties in creation4 ,we think we know a great deal in ,england of athletics1 pedestrianism1 and the art of training in general4 ,it may astonish us to learn how a ,chinese postman gets himself into condition for the work he has to do4 ,the ,celestials1 it would appear1 like meaner mortals1 are extremely particular1 not to say fidgety1 about the due transmission of their correspondence4 ,over that vast empire extend postal arrangements1 conducted1 ,i believe1 as in our own country1 by some mandarin of high rank1 remarkable for their regularity and efficiency4 ,the letters travel at a uniform rate of more than seven ,english miles an hour2 and as they are conveyed by runners on foot1 often through thinly-populated districts in which it is impossible to establish frequent relays1 the pedestrian capabilities of these postmen are of the greatest importance4 ,this is how a ,chinaman prepares himself to accomplish his thirty miles in less than four hours4 ,he has a quantity of bags constructed which he disposes over his whole person1 like ,queen ,mab's pinches-- 8,arms1 legs1 back1 shoulders1 sides1 and shins40 ,into these he dribbles handfuls of flour before he starts for walking exercise1 increasing the quantity little by little every day till the bags are quite full1 and he carries clinging to every part of his body several pounds of dead weight1 nor considers himself fit for his situation till he can move under it with the freedom and elasticity of a naked man4 ,he will then tell you that1 on throwing off his self-imposed burden1 he finds all his muscles so invigorated by their own separate labours1 his strength so stimulated1 his wind so clear1 his condition so perfect1 that he shoots away over the plains1 mountains1 and tea-gardens of the ,flowery ,land less like ,john ,chinaman with a letter-bag than an arrow from a bow4 ,what would our old friend ,captain ,barclay1 of peripatetic memory1 say to such a system as this8 ,i doubt if the ,chinaman's theory of training be founded on sound principles2 but ,i am quite sure that in bearing our moral burden we cannot dispose it over too extended a surface1 or in too many separate parcels4 ,i see fathers of families carrying surprising weights1 such as make the bachelor's hair stand on end from sheer dismay1 with a buoyancy of step and carelessness of demeanour only to be accounted for by an equal distribution of pressure over the entire victim4 ,a man who has his own business to attend to1 his domestic affairs to regulate1 half-a-dozen hungry children to feed1 and a couple of poor relations or so to assist with sympathy1 counsel1 and occasional aid1 finds no time to dwell upon any one difficulty1 no especial inconvenience from any one burden1 because each has its fellow and its counterpoise elsewhere4 ,it is not only in pharmacy that the principle of counter-irritation produces beneficial results4 ,a man with two grievances never pities himself so much as a man with one2 and a man with half-a-dozen treats them all with a good-humoured indifference little removed from positive satisfaction4 ,some people even appear to glory in the multitude of their afflictions1 as though the power to sustain so much ill-luck shed a certain reflected lustre on themselves4 ,i recollect1 long ago1 meeting an old comrade hanging about the recruiting taverns in ,westminster4 ,the man was a clean1 smart1 active1 efficient non-commissioned officer enough1 with the average courage and endurance of the ,british dragoon4 ,a year before ,i had parted with him1 languid1 unhappy1 and depressed1 longing only to return to ,england but not yet under orders for home4 ,now he looked cheerful1 contented1 almost radiant4 ,i stopped to inquire after his welfare4 8,i landed a fortnight ago1 sir10 said he1 with something of triumph in his voice1 8and a happy home ,i found waiting for me6 ,i haven't a friend or a relation left in the world4 ,my father's absconded1 my mother's dead1 my brother-in-law's ruined1 and my sister gone into a mad-house60 ,it sounded melancholy enough1 yet ,i felt convinced the man reaped some unaccountable consolation from his pre-eminence in misfortune1 admired his own endurance1 and was proud of his power to carry so heavy a weight4 ,custom1 no doubt1 in these as in all other inflictions1 will do much to lighten the load4 ,there is a training of the mind1 as of the body1 to bear and to endure4 ,with wear and tear the heart gets hardened like the muscles1 and the feelings become blunted by ill-usage1 just as the skin grows callous on an oarsman's hands4 ,there is some shadow of truth in the fallacious story of him who carried a calf every day till it became a cow4 ,none of us know what we can do till we try2 and there are few but would follow the example of the patient camel1 and refuse to rise from the sand1 if they knew how heavy a weight is to be imposed on them ere they can reach the longed-for diamond of the desert1 gushing and glittering amongst the palms6 ,it is fortunate for us that the packages are not all piled up at once4 ,little by little we accustom ourselves to the labour as we plod sullenly on with the tinkling caravan1 ignorant1 till too late to turn back1 of the coming hardships1 the endless journey1 or the many times that cruel mirage must disappoint our fainting1 thirsting spirits ere we reach the welcome resting-place where the cool spring bubbles through its fringe of verdure--where we shall drink our fill of those life-bestowing waters1 and stretch ourselves out at last for long1 unbroken slumbers under the 8shadow of a great rock in a weary land40 ,but the worst method of all in which to carry our load is to build it up on the pack-saddle so as to attract notice and commiseration from those who travel alongside4 ,the ,turkish hamals1 indeed1 may be seen staggering about ,constantinople under enormous bales of merchandise1 twice the height and apparently three times the weight of the herculean bearer2 but a ,turkish hamal1 notwithstanding his profession1 ignores the meaning of a sore back1 moral or physical4 ,other jades may wince1 but1 under all circumstances1 you may swear his withers are unwrung4 ,to be sure1 the first article of his creed is resignation4 ,fatalism lulls him like opium1 though1 kinder than that pernicious drug1 it leaves no torment of reaction to succeed its soothing trance4 ,hard work1 hard fare1 hard bed1 hard words1 hard lines in general1 a tropical sun and the atmosphere of a jungle1 it is all in the day's work with him6 ,backsheesh he will accept with a smile if he can get it1 or he will do without1 consoling himself that it is kismet1 for 8,there is one ,god1 and ,mahomet is ,his prophet40 ,with this philosopher1 indeed1 8a contented mind is a perpetual feast10 otherwise how could he sustain his stalwart proportions on a morsel of black bread and a slice of watermelon8 ,his dissipations1 too1 are mild as his daily meals4 ,a screw of weak tobacco1 folded in a paper cigarette1 wraps him in a foretaste of his anticipated paradise2 a mouthful of thick1 black1 bitter coffee stands him in lieu of beer1 porter1 half-and-half1 early purl1 blue ruin1 and dog's-nose4 ,once a week1 or maybe once a month1 he goes to the bath for two hours of uninterrupted enjoyment1 emerging healthy1 happy1 refreshed1 and clean as a new pin4 ,perhaps it is his frugal1 temperate life1 perhaps it is his calm1 acquiescent disposition1 that enables him thus to carry weight so complacently4 ,he never fights under it1 not he6 ,through the narrow lanes of ,stamboul1 across the vibrating wooden bridge of the ,golden ,horn1 up the filthy stairs1 not streets1 of ,pera1 he swings along with regulated step and snorting groans1 delivered in discordant cadence at each laborious footfall2 but he carries his weight1 that is the great point--he carries a great deal of it1 and he carries it remarkably well--an example of humility and patience to the ,christian who employs him1 an object of comparison1 not much in favour of the latter1 between the votaries of the ,crescent and the ,cross4 ,when ,i protest1 however1 against making a display and a grievance of the load you have to bear1 ,i am far from maintaining that you are to keep it a profound secret1 and hide it away in unsuitable places under your clothes4 ,a man can carry a hundred-weight on his shoulders with less inconvenience than a few pounds about his heart4 ,if you doubt this1 order cold plum-pudding for luncheon1 and you will be convinced6 ,a secret1 too1 is always a heavy substance to take abroad with you1 and your own seems to incommode you more than another's1 probably because you are less indifferent about letting it fall4 ,as for attempting to dance lightly along with the jaunty air of an unweighted novice1 be assured the effort is not only painful but ridiculous4 ,no1 never be ashamed of your burden1 not even though your own folly should have clapped an additional half-hundred on the top of it4 ,get your shoulders well under the heaviest part1 walk as upright as you may1 but do not try to swagger2 and if you have a friend who likes you well enough to give his assistance1 let him catch hold at one end1 and so between you move on with it the best way you can4 ,some packages grow all the lighter1 like a contraband trunk at the ,douane1 for being weighed and examined1 or1 as our neighbours call it1 8pierced and plumbed40 ,some again gather increased proportions when we enlarge upon them2 but it is only those of which we dare not speak1 those which no friend must seem to see1 for which no brother must offer a hand1 that sink our failing strength1 that crush us down humbled and helpless in the mire4 ,there is but one place for such burdens as these1 and we never lay them there till we have tried everything else in vain2 just as we offer the remnants of a life from which we expect no more pleasure1 where we ought to have given all the promise and vigour of our youth1 or take an aching1 hopeless1 worn-out heart back to our only friend1 as the crying child runs to its parent with a broken toy4 8,the ox toils through the furrow1 ,obedient to the goad2 ,the patient ass up flinty paths ,plods with its weary load10 says ,macaulay in his glorious ,lays of ,ancient ,rome1 and something in the nature of both these animals fits them especially for the endurance of labour and the imposition of weight4 ,it is well for a man when he has a little of the bovine repose of character1 a good deal of the asinine thickness of skin and insensibility to hard usage4 ,such a disposition toils on contentedly enough1 obedient indeed to the goad so far as moderately to increase the staid solemnity of his gait1 taking the flinty path and the weary load as necessary conditions of life1 with a serene equanimity for which he has the philosophical example of the ass6 ,the ways are rough1 you know1 and the journey long4 ,depend upon it these animals arrive at its termination with less wear and tear1 more safety1 and even more despatch1 than the sensitive1 high-spirited1 and courageous horse1 wincing from the lash1 springing to the voice1 striving1 panting1 sweating1 straining every muscle to get home4 ,in the parable of the ,ancient ,mariner--for is it not indeed the wildest1 dreamiest1 and most poetical of parables8--you remember the hopelessness of the weight he carried when 8,instead of the cross the albatross ,about his neck was hung40 ,it was not his misfortune1 you see1 but his crime that bore him down4 ,its consciousness lay far heavier on his spirit than did his after-punishment1 when1 weary and desolate1 he wailed that he was 8,alone1 alone1 all1 all alone1 ,alone on a wide1 wide sea1 ,and never a saint took pity on ,my soul in agony40 ,the saints1 indeed1 might not have heard him2 how do we know about that8 but he was heard nevertheless1 and thus he got rid of his burden to raise his head once more in the face of heaven4 ,he looked upon beauty1 nature1 animate life1 the wonders of the deep1 the creatures of his ,maker1 and 8blessed them unaware60 ,enough4 ,the hideous dream vanishes1 the unholy spell is broken1 and he cries exulting-- 8,that self-same moment ,i could pray1 ,and from my neck so free ,the albatross fell off1 and sunk ,like lead into the sea40 ,i sometimes think that women bear their burdens with less apparent struggle1 less toil or complaint than men2 and this although they own more of the horse's anxious temperament than the sluggish nature of the ox and the ass4 ,if they have less 8nerve0 than ourselves--less of the coolness which springs from constitutional insensibility to danger--they have more of that mettlesome spirit which is sometimes called 8pluck10 that indomitable courage which acknowledges no failure for defeat1 which never sleeps upon its post1 which can bear up bravely even against the sickness and depression of unremitting pain4 ,it is proverbial that in all phases of mere bodily suffering they show twice the patience and twice the fortitude of the stronger sex2 while who shall say how much of silent sorrow they can cherish and conceal in troubled hearts while they go about their daily business with smiles on their gentle faces1 with a tranquil1 staid demeanour seeming to chant in soft1 harmonious cadence the watchword of 8,all's ,well60 ,do you not think they too keep their favourite skeletons 7far less perfect than yourself7 hoarded1 hidden away1 locked up1 but not to be buried or forgotten for the worth of kingdoms8 ,do you suppose they never bring them out to be hugged1 and fondled1 and worshipped1 and wept over8 8,in the dead unhappy night1 and when the rain is on the roof40 ,bah6 ,it is a world of shams4 ,if a woman is not a hypocrite she must be a stone6 ,we should give them greater credit though could we learn more of the weights they have to carry4 ,but their training is known only to themselves2 their trials come off in secret2 the saddles they wear are jealously locked up1 and they take care to keep the key6 ,i think the reason they run so kindly is that they apply themselves very frequently to the last resource of the ,ancient ,mariner when he saw no escape from his punishment1 when he was overweighted with his curse4 ,i know not3 ,i only know that the quiet courage1 the generous spirit1 the untiring endurance with which they perform the journey of life is too generally ignored1 unappreciated1 and thrown away4 ,how often have we not seen a thorough-bred horse ridden by a butcher8 a being little lower than an angel submitting1 gentle and patient1 to a creature little higher than a brute4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,,shadows 8,coming events cast their shadows before10 says a favourite adage of that proverbial philosophy which is often so quaint and truthful1 sometimes so contradictory and far-fetched4 ,in the present instance the maxim1 ,i think1 is contradicted by our individual convictions and general experience4 ,for my own part ,i protest ,i am no believer in presentiments4 ,that is a beautiful fiction of poetry1 completely unsubstantiated by the prosaic events of life1 which represents the predestined sufferer as one who 8,still treads the shadow of his foe10 while the arm of the avenger1 uplifted though unseen1 intercepts the light of heaven ere yet its blow descends4 ,poets1 no doubt1 lay their foundations on a basis of truth1 but1 as befits their profession1 do not scruple to raise a superstructure in magnificent disproportion to the limits of their ground-plan4 ,i will appeal to nine people out of every ten whose lot it has been to sustain severe affliction--and ,i think it is nearly nine-tenths of the human race--whether they have not found themselves staggered or prostrated by blows as sudden as they were overwhelming2 whether the dagger has not always been a more deadly weapon than the sword1 the marksman behind the hedge a more fatal enemy than the battery on its eminence1 the hidden reef a worse disaster than the adverse gale1 and whether their hopes1 their happiness1 or their fortunes1 have not failed them at the very moment when the false waves smiled serenely at the calm skies overhead-- 8,like ships that on a summer sea ,have gone down sailing tranquilly40 ,no2 these forthcoming shadows need not disturb our repose4 ,they owe their origin neither to heart nor brain1 but proceed from liver1 and ,i should think must be quite unknown to him who 8lives on sixpence a day and earns it60 ,what a life we should lead if we could look an inch before our noses6 ,of all curses to humanity the bitterest would be the gift of foresight4 ,i often think a man's progress towards his grave is like that of a sculler labouring up-stream1 we will say from ,richmond to ,teddington ,lock4 ,by taking the established and conventional course he avoids collision with his kind and proceeds in comparative safety4 ,by certain side-glances and general knowledge of the river1 which we may compare to the warnings of experience and the reasonings of analogy1 he obtains an inkling1 far removed from certainty1 of much approaching trouble to which his back is turned4 ,by observing the track of his own boat rippling the surface many a yard astern1 he learns to guide his course1 just as he would correct his conduct by the lessons of the past4 ,now the stream runs hard against him1 and he must work his way foot by foot with honest1 unremitting toil4 ,now he shoots along through slack water1 much to his own content and self-approval1 but under no circumstances1 however formidable1 must he completely relax his efforts1 for the current would soon float him back to the place from whence he came4 ,many a scene of beauty1 many a lovely nook1 and sunny lawn1 and fairy palace glides by him as he goes--fading1 vanishing1 shut out by the intervening point1 to leave but a memory of their attractions1 dispelled in turn by ever-recurring beauties of meadow1 wood1 and water4 ,so he plods steadily on1 accepting the labour1 enjoying the pleasures of his trip1 and nearing with every stroke the haven he is to reach at last4 ,however healthy and invigorating the toil1 however varied and delightful the passage1 ,i think he will not be sorry to arrive at ,teddington ,lock1 there to ship his oars1 moor his boat under the willows1 and so1 lulled by the murmur of the ever-flowing waters1 with folded arms1 upturned face1 and eyes wandering drowsily heavenwards1 fall peacefully asleep4 ,but the shadows which cross our path to our greatest deception and detriment are those for which we so willingly abandon the substances whereof they are but the fading phantoms as the dog in the fable dropped a piece of meat out of his jaws to snatch a like morsel from the other dog he saw reflected in the water4 ,every day men grasp at clouds as did ,ixion1 bartering eagerly for that which they know to be illusive1 the solid joys and advantages of life4 ,how many people in the possession of sufficient incomes deprive themselves of common comfort in an attempt to appear richer and more liberal than they really are6 ,how many forego the society of friends in which they find honest pleasure for that of mere acquaintances with whom they have scarce a thought in common1 because the latter1 perhaps themselves sacrificed to the same illusion1 move in a higher and more ostentatious class of society6 ,with one the shadow is a reputation for wealth1 with another for taste4 ,here it is a house in ,belgravia1 there a villa on the ,thames2 sometimes a position in the county1 a seat in parliament1 or a peerage long dormant in a race of squires4 ,whatever it may be1 the pursuer follows it at the best speed he can command1 finding1 usually1 that the faster he goes the faster it flies before him2 and when he comes up with it at last to enfold the phantom in his longing embrace1 behold it crumbles away to disappointment in his very arms4 ,i have seen ,cerito dancing her famous shadow-dance2 ,i have watched a child following its own retreating figure1 lengthened to gigantic proportions in an afternoon sun1 with shouts of wonder and delight2 ,i once observed1 perhaps the prettiest sight of the three1 a thorough-bred foal gallop up to some park-palings1 to wince and scour away from the distorted representation of a race-horse it met there1 in the wild1 graceful freedom of a yet unbridled youth2 and ,i have thought of the many shadows that lure us all1 between the cradle and the grave1 only to impose on us in their fullest signification the different sentiments of disbelief1 dis-illusion1 and disgust4 ,when ,peter ,schlemihl made his ill-advised bargain with the devil1 that shrewd purchaser quietly rolled up his victim's shadow and put it in his own pocket4 ,when ,michael ,scott1 in the completion of his education at ,padua1 had mastered certain intricacies of the black art1 his fellow-students observed to their consternation that while they walked in the college gardens with the wise north-countryman1 8,his form no darkening shadow cast ,athwart the sunny wall40 ,the first step in supernatural learning1 the first condition for the attainment of superhuman power1 seems to have been the dismissal of so inconvenient and unmeaning an appurtenance as a shadow4 ,how many people have ,i known1 and these not the least endearing and capable of their kind1 over whose whole life the shadow of a memory1 though growing fainter day by day1 has yet been dark enough to throw a gloom that the warmest rays of friendship and affection were powerless to dispel6 ,sometimes1 indeed1 that darkness seems dearer to them than the glories of the outer world2 sometimes1 and this is the hardest fate of all1 they cling to it the closer that they feel the illusion has been to them a more reliable possession than the reality4 ,there is a world of tender longing1 bitter experience1 and sad1 suggestive pathos in ,owen ,meredith's lament-- 8,how many a night 'neath her window have ,i walked in the wind and the rain1 ,only to look on her shadow fleet over the lighted pane6 ,alas6 'twas the shadow that rested--'twas herself that fleeted1 you see-- ,and now ,i am dying--,i know it6 ,dying--and where is she80 ,the shadow he had worshipped so fondly was not more fleeting than the dream on which he had anchored a man's honest hopes1 and wasted a man's generous1 unsuspecting heart4 ,then we see our shadows at points of view so peculiar to ourselves1 in lights that so distort and disguise their proportions1 it is no wonder if for us they become phantoms of formidable magnitude and overpowering aspect4 ,the demon of the ,hartz ,mountains is said to be nothing more than the reflection or shadow of the traveller's own person1 as seen under certain abnormal conditions of refraction against a morning or evening sky4 ,such demons most of us keep of our own1 and we take care never to look at them but at the angle which magnifies them out of all reasonable proportions4 ,when you see mine and ,i yours1 each of us is surprised at the importance attached to his spectral illusion by the other4 ,yours seems to me a diminutive and contemptible little devil enough2 and doubtless1 although you never may have entertained a high opinion of my mental powers or moral force of character1 both are fallen fifty per cent4 in your estimation since you have been brought face to face with the bugbear by which they are overridden and kept down4 ,if we could but change shadows we should both of us get back into the sun4 ,alas6 that all the magic art of ,michael ,scott himself would fail to effect such a trick of legerdemain4 ,alas6 that we must bear as best we can1 each for himself1 the gloomy presence that makes us so dull of cheer1 so sad of countenance1 and so cold about the heart4 ,men adopt a great many different methods to get rid of their respective shadows1 approximating more or less to the conclusive plan of ,peter ,schlemihl aforesaid1 who sold his outright to the devil4 ,some try to lose it amongst a crowd of fellow-creatures1 all with the same familiar attendants of their own2 others struggle with it in solitude1 and find themselves halting and maimed after the conflict1 like him who wrestled of old with the angel at ,penuel 8until the breaking of the day40 ,one thinks to stifle his tormentor in business1 another to lull him with pleasure1 a third to drown him in wine4 ,none of these remedies seem to answer the purpose desired4 ,blue-books1 bankers' books1 betting-books are unable to break the spell2 over the pages of each he throws the all-pervading gloom4 ,neither is he to be worsted by the gleam of many candles flashing only less brightly than the sparkle of ,beauty's jewels and the lustre of her soft eyes in 8halls of dazzling light40 ,on the contrary1 it is here that1 maybe from the force of contrast1 he asserts his power with the greatest determination1 coming out1 as is but natural1 under the vivid glare thrown on him in a stronger and more uncompromising relief4 ,to steep him in wine is often but to increase his dimensions out of all reasonable proportions1 and at best only gets rid of him for a night that he may return in the morning refreshed and invigorated to vindicate his sovereignty over the enfeebled rebel he controls4 ,there are means of dispelling the darkness1 no doubt1 but ,i fear they are not to be found in the resources of study1 certainly not in the distractions of dissipation nor the feverish delirium of vice4 ,it must be a warm1 genial1 and unusually generous disposition which is not warped and dwarfed by a shadow cast upon it in youth1 or indeed at any period of life2 but for animate as for inanimate nature there are black frosts as well as white4 ,the latter evaporate with the morning sun in light wreaths of vapour and perhaps a few tears sparkling like diamonds1 to be succeeded by brilliant sunshine1 unclouded till the close of its short winter's day2 the former1 grim1 grey1 and lowering1 parch and wither up the life of every green thing1 drawing her shroud1 as it were1 over the cold dead face of earth ere she is buried in the darkness of approaching night4 ,it is hard upon youth to see its rosy morning overcast by the shadow2 but it has many hours yet to look forward to before noon1 and can afford to wait for brighter weather4 ,far more cruelly does age feel the withdrawal of that light it had trusted in to cheer its declining day2 a light it can never hope to welcome again1 because long ere the shadow shall be withdrawn from the chilled and weary frame1 its sun will have gone down for ever into the ocean of eternity4 ,people talk a great deal about that physical impossibility which they are pleased to term 8a broken heart02 and the sufferer who claims their sympathy under such an abnormal affliction is invariably a young person of the gentler sex4 ,i have no doubt in my own mind1 nevertheless1 that a severe blow to the fortunes1 the self-esteem1 the health or the affections1 is far more severely felt after forty than before thirty2 and yet who ever heard of an elderly gentleman breaking his heart8 ,any thing else you please--his word1 his head1 his waistcoat-strings1 or even his neck1 but his heart6 ,why1 the assumption is ludicrous4 ,if you consult the statistics of suicide1 however1 you will be surprised to find in how many instances this most reckless of crimes is committed by persons of mature age1 though it is strange that those whose span in the course of nature is likely to be so short should think it worth while to curtail it with their own hand4 ,there is another shadow1 too1 which1 apart from all finer feelings of the heart or intellect1 has a pernicious effect on our interests and welfare4 ,it is cast by our own opaque substances when we persist in an inconvenient attitude1 commonly called 8standing in our own light40 ,parents and guardians1 those who have the care of young people1 generally are well aware of its irritating persistency and disagreeable consequences4 ,it is provoking to find all your efforts thwarted by the very person on whose behalf they are made4 ,after much trouble1 and the eating of more dirt than you can digest in comfort1 you obtain for a lad a high stool in a counting-house1 an appointment to the ,indian army1 or a berth in a ,chinese merchantman1 fondly hoping that in one way or another he is provided for1 and off your hands at last4 ,but after a while behold him back again1 like a consignment of damaged goods6 ,he has been too fast for the clerkship1 too idle for the army1 not sober enough for the sea4 ,with a fine chance and everything in his favour1 he 8stood in his own light10 and must abide by the gloom he has himself made4 ,or perhaps1 though this is a rarer case1 because women's perceptions of their own interest are usually very keen1 it is your ,blanche1 or your ,rose1 or your ,violet who thus disappoints the magnificent expectations you have founded on her beauty1 her youth1 her eyes1 her figure1 and her general fascinations4 ,the peer with his unencumbered estate and his own personal advantages would have proposed to a certainty1 was only waiting for an opportunity--he told his sister so--when that last ten minutes at croquet with ,tom1 those half-dozen extra rounds in the cotillon with ,harry1 scared this shy bird from the decoy1 and he went off to ,melton in disgust4 ,rose1 ,blanche1 or ,violet 8stood in her own light10 and must be content for the rest of her career to burn tallow instead of wax4 ,the shadows1 however1 which ladies preserve for their own private annoyance cast surprisingly little gloom over their pretty persons while they are before the world4 ,a new dress1 a coming ball1 a race-meeting1 or a picnic1 are sufficient to dispel them at a moment's notice2 and though doubtless when these palliatives are exhausted1 when they put their candles out at night1 the darkness gathers all the thicker for its lucid interval of distraction1 it is always something to have got rid of it even for an hour4 ,that women feel very keenly1 nobody who knows anything about them can doubt4 ,that they feel very deeply is a different question altogether4 ,in some rare instances they may indeed be found1 when the light they love is quenched1 to sit by preference in darkness for evermore2 but as a general rule the feminine organisation is thoroughly appreciative of the present1 somewhat forgetful of the past1 and exceedingly reckless of the future4 ,for both sexes1 however1 there must in their course through life be shadows deep in proportion to the brilliancy of the sunshine in which they bask4 8,shall we receive good at the hand of ,god10 says ,job1 8and shall we not receive evil80 thereby condensing into one pithy sentence perhaps the profoundest system of philosophy ever yet submitted to mankind4 ,the evil always seems to us greater than the good1 the shadows more universal than the sunshine2 but with how little reason we need only reflect for a moment to satisfy ourselves4 ,there is a gleam in which we often fondly hope to dispel our shadows1 delusive as the 8will-o'-the-wisp10 a light 8that never yet was seen on sea or shore10 which is cruelly apt to lure us on reefs and quicksands1 to guide us only to eventual shipwreck2 but there is also a glimmer1 faint and feeble here1 yet capable of dispelling the darkest shadows that ever cross our path1 which if we will only follow it truthfully and persistently for a very brief journey1 shall cheer us heartily and guide us steadfastly till it widens and brightens into the glory of eternal day4 ,,chapter ,,xii ,,guinevere ,amongst all the works of our great poet1 works in which criticism1 searching diligently for flaws1 discovers every day new beauties1 surely this noble poem is the very crown and masterpiece4 ,compared even with the productions of his own genius1 ,guinevere always seems to me like a statue in the midst of oil-paintings4 ,so lofty is it in conception1 so grand in treatment1 so fair1 so noble1 so elevating1 and yet so real4 ,as the ,californian digger in his 8prospect0 washes1 and sifts1 and searches1 till from a mass of rubbish and impurities he separates the nugget of virgin ore1 so from the lavish confusion of rich material to be found in that collection of early romance called ,la ,morte d',arthur1 the ,laureate has wrought out a poem precious in its own intrinsic merit as the purest metal that was ever beaten into a crown of gold4 ,one other has been over the same ground before him1 the great magician who with a wave of his wand has created for us gleaming blade and glittering hauberk1 mail and plate1 and managed steeds caparisoned1 lances shivered to the grasp1 sweet pale faces looking down on the mimic war beneath1 and all the pomp1 panoply1 and prestige of an ideal chivalry1 when 8,the champions1 armed in martial sort1 ,have thronged into the list1 ,and but three knights of ,arthur's court ,are from the tourney missed4 ,and still those lovers' fame survives ,for faith so constant shown2 ,there were two that loved their neighbours' wives1 ,and one that loved his own40 ,alas6 that the very first of these in arms1 in courtesy1 in personal advantages1 and1 but for the one foul blot1 in honourable fame1 should have been ,lancelot de ,lac1 the ornament of chivalry4 ,alas6 that the lady of his guilty love should have been that 8,flower of all the west and all the world10 whose rightful place was on the bosom of 8the stainless king40 ,their fatal passion1 that grew so insensibly in those fair ,may-days long ago1 when the pair 8,rode under groves that looked a paradise ,of blossom1 over sheets of hyacinth1 ,that seemed the heavens upbreaking thro' the earth10 has struck root now1 deep1 deep in the hearts of both1 and spreading like the deadly upas-tree1 has blighted every other sentiment and affection beneath its shade4 ,there is no happiness for ,lancelot without ,guinevere1 no sweetness in the breath of evening nor speculation in the stars of night1 no gladness in the summer1 no glamour in the greenwood1 no glory in the day4 ,her whisper lurks in the hollow of his helmet when he shouts his war-cry1 her image rouses his desire for fame1 and points his trusty lance4 ,but for the keen1 unholy stimulant his arm would be nerveless and his courage dull1 while all the time 8,the great and guilty love he bare the queen1 ,in battle with the love he bare his lord1 ,hath marred his face1 and marked it ere his time40 ,yes1 there is retribution even here for the sweet1 seductive sin4 8,the worm that dieth not1 the fire that is not quenched10 begin their work long ere the cup has been emptied of its tempting poison2 and the one gnaws fiercer1 the other burns deeper1 in proportion to the capability of good from which the sinner has fallen--in proportion to the truth and tenderness of the tortured heart that seems meant for better things4 ,and ,guinevere4 ,who can fathom that woman's anguish1 her shame1 her self-reproach1 her bitter1 hopeless remorse1 for whom the holy plighted love that should have made her shield1 her honour1 and her happiness through life1 has been pierced1 and shattered1 and defiled by that other love which drags her to perdition1 and to which she yet clings closer and closer with a warped instinct of womanly fidelity for the very sorrow and suffering it entails8 ,the sense of personal degradation is perhaps the least of her punishment1 for it is her nature when she loves to merge her own identity in another2 but what of her children1 if she have any8 ,how can she bear the clear1 guileless faces1 the little hands clasped in prayer on her knee1 the loving1 trustful eyes of those simple believers to whom she1 the sinner1 is in the place of ,god8 ,many a woman1 hesitating and hovering on the very brink of ruin1 has been withheld by the tiny clasp of an infant's hand4 ,if that last chance should have failed her1 such failure has been ever after the heaviest and least endurable of the penalties she has brought on herself4 ,but she may be childless1 she may be spared the bitter pain of estrangement from those who are indeed part and parcel of her being4 ,what1 then1 of her husband8 ,the man whom once she believed she loved1 who has cherished her1 trusted her1 given up for her sake many of the realities and all the illusions of life1 whose care has surrounded her so constantly every day and all day long1 that1 like the air she breathes1 she can only be made sensible of its existence when withdrawn1 whose indulgence was perhaps so unvaried as to escape notice1 whose affection1 expressed by deeds1 not words1 she has forgotten because it has not been repeated1 like that other love1 in burning whispers every hour4 ,so she not only strikes him a deadly blow1 such as his bitterest enemy would scarce deal in fair fight1 but poisons her weapon besides1 and leaves it sticking in the wound to burn and rankle and fester1 that every passing hand in careless jest or wanton outrage may inflict on him mortal agony at will4 ,once1 perhaps1 she was proud of that brave1 kind face1 which she could not imagine blanched by fear nor clouded with shame4 ,can she bear to think of it now1 quivering at the chance allusion of every idle tongue1 warped into agony1 like that of a man shot through the lungs1 when her own name is spoken1 purposely or otherwise1 by some impertinent gossip or some rancorous1 ungenerous foe8 ,his sorrow has become a jest2 that offence will soon pass away to make room for fresher scandal4 ,his home is broken up2 he can make himself another4 ,the woman he loved has left him1 yet there are plenty more as fond and fair ready to pity and console2 but his trust is broken1 and not even in an angel from heaven can he believe again4 ,this is the worst injury of all4 ,the strongest1 the purest1 the noblest of earthly motives to well-doing has failed him1 and from henceforth the man is but a lamp without a light1 a watch without a mainspring1 a body without a soul4 ,it is well for him now if he have some lofty aspiration1 some great and generous object1 to lift him out of his depth of sorrow1 to rouse him from his apathy of despair4 ,thus only can he wrestle with the demon that has entered into his heart1 thus only cast him out and1 trampling on him1 so rise to a higher sphere than that from which he has been dragged down4 ,in self-sacrifice and self-devotion he shall find the talisman to set him free1 not at once1 but1 like other permanent results1 gradually and in the lapse of time2 so1 mounting step by step and gaining strength as he ascends1 he shall look down from the unassailable heights of forgiveness on the lesser souls that can never reach to wound him now--forgiveness1 free1 complete1 and unconditional as that which he himself pleads for from his ,god4 ,and here it is that the character of ,arthur1 as drawn by ,tennyson1 exemplifies the noblest type of ,christianity1 chivalry1 and manhood with which we are acquainted in the whole range of fiction4 ,poetry has yet to disclose to us a more godlike1 more elevating sentiment than the king's pardon to his guilty and repentant wife4 ,it breathes the very essence of all those qualities which humanity1 at best 8a little lower than the angels10 is ever striving unsuccessfully to attain4 ,there is courage1 abiding by the award of its own conscience1 and appealing to a higher tribunal than the verdict of its kind2 there is contempt for consequences2 there is scrupulous1 unswerving persistence in the path of duty1 such as constitutes the soldier and the hero2 there is large-hearted1 far-seeing benevolence1 that weighs its own crushed happiness and blighted life but as dust in the balance against the well-being of its fellows4 ,above all1 there is that grand trust in a better world and an immortal identity1 without which man1 despite his strength of will and pride of intellect1 were little superior to the beasts of the field4 ,such is the diapason1 so to speak1 of this mighty march of feeling--the march of an unconquered spirit and a kingly soul2 while through it all1 ever present1 though ever modulated and kept down1 runs the wild1 mournful accompaniment1 the wail of a kindly1 tortured heart1 of a love that can never die-- 8,and in thy bowers of ,camelot or of ,usk ,thy shadow still would glide from room to room1 ,and ,i should evermore be vext with thee1 ,in hanging robe--or vacant ornament1 ,or ghostly footfall echoing on the stair4 ,for think not1 though thou wouldst not love thy lord1 ,thy lord has wholly lost his love for thee4 ,i am not made of such slight elements4 ,yet must ,i leave thee1 woman1 to thy shame40 ,how wonderful1 how exhaustive1 and how practical seems the familiarity of great poets with the niceties and workings of the human heart6 ,it has been said of them1 prettily enough1 that 8,they learn in suffering what they teach in song40 ,god forbid6 ,if it were so1 their lot would indeed be unenviable2 and what an eternity of torture would such a genius as ,byron1 or ,shelley1 or ,tennyson himself have condensed into a single life6 ,no1 theirs must be rather the intuitive knowledge that springs from sympathy with all things1 animate and inanimate1 in summer and winter1 in light and darkness1 in sorrow and in joy--a sympathy receiving freely as it gives1 and thus cozening them out of nine-tenths of their own private sorrows1 which such finer temperaments as theirs would otherwise be too sensitive to endure4 ,the wide scope of this sympathy1 the facility with which genius can handle extreme contrasts of the same passion with equal skill1 is1 ,i think1 finely exemplified in the two poems of 8,maud0 and 8,guinevere40 ,i have already compared the latter to an exquisite piece of sculpture4 ,the former seems to me like a wild1 fanciful1 highly-coloured painting1 in which some true artist has striven to embody the unattainable conceptions of a dream4 ,was ever colouring mixed on palette more vivid and glowing than this description of a lover waiting for his mistress in her garden-- 8,there falls a splendid tear ,from the passion-flower at the gate2 ,she is coming--my dove1 my dear6 ,she is coming--my life1 my fate6 ,the red rose cries1 ,she is near--she is near6 ,the white rose weeps1--,she is late6 ,the larkspur listens1--,i hear--,i hear6 ,and the lily whispers1--,i wait60 ,is there not in these lines1 besides grace1 sentiment1 pathos1 tenderness1 a wealth of pictorial fancy1 such as ,landseer himself has not outdone in his magical representation of clown and elves and stars and flowers grouped round ,titania in ,fairyland8 ,as in 8clear-faced ,arthur0 is rendered the ideal dignity of love1 so in ,maud's hapless suitor we find exemplified its mad enthusiasm and passion4 ,with both1 self is unhesitatingly sacrificed to the welfare of another4 ,when the fatal shot has been fired1 and the exile faces a foreign shore in utter hopelessness that he shall ever look on the face he loves again1 the pity for himself that cannot but chill his sorrowing heart merges in anxiety and tenderness for ,maud4 ,even now--perhaps now more than ever--in grief1 danger1 and privation1 his first thought flies to the idol for whom he has built his life into a throne1 that she may reign there unrivalled and supreme4 ,may his be the shame1 the sorrow1 and the suffering6--such is his wild1 pathetic prayer--and let the treasure of his heart go free4 ,if there be danger1 let it lower round his unprotected head4 ,if there be punishment1 let him bear it for both6 ,ay1 though she may never reward him for it1 never even know it2 for in this world these two are surely parted not to meet again4 ,what of that8 ,she is still his queen--his goddess--his love--the aim of his existence1 the darling of his care4 8,comfort her1 comfort her1 all things good1 ,while ,i am over the sea2 ,let me and my passionate love go by1 ,but speak to her all things holy and high1 ,whatever happen to me4 ,me and my harmful love go by1 ,but come to her waking1 or find her asleep1 ,powers of the height1 powers of the deep1 ,and comfort her though ,i die40 ,surely this is the pure1 unadulterated metal4 ,alas6 that it should sometimes lack the glitter of that counterfeit which women grasp at so eagerly in preference to the true gold4 ,so1 in extremity of danger1 shattered in battle against the chosen friend and comrade whose treachery was only less galling to his noble heart than the disloyalty of his queen1 beset by 8,the godless hosts ,of heathen swarming o'er the ,northern sea10 stern old foes of himself and ,christendom1 erst by prowess of that 8glorious company10 8,the ,table ,round1 ,in twelve great battles ruining overthrown10 now panting for reprisal and revenge1 menaced with open rebellion by a sister's son1 his army melting1 his adherents failing1 his sceptre sliding from his grasp1 ,arthur can yet provide tenderly and carefully for her safety who has brought down on him all this shame1 ruin1 and defeat4 8,and many more when ,modred raised revolt1 ,forgetful of their troth and fealty1 clave ,to ,modred1 and a remnant stays with me4 ,and of this remnant will ,i leave a part-- ,true men who love me still1 for whom ,i live-- ,to guard thee in the wild hour coming on2 ,lest but a hair of this low head be harmed4 ,fear not3 thou shalt be guarded till my death40 ,well might the ,queen1 when he had passed from her sight for ever1 reflect bitterly on the comparative merits of lover and husband1 having1 like all such women1 proved to extremity of torture the devotion of both4 8,i wanted warmth and colour1 which ,i found ,in ,lancelot4 ,now ,i see thee what thou art-- ,thou art the highest1 and most human1 too1 ,not ,lancelot1 nor another40 ,could she but have seen him as he really was in the golden days long ago1 when her court formed the centre of all that was bravest and fairest in the world of ,christendom1 when her life seemed one long holiday of dance and revel in the lighted halls of ,camelot1 of tilt and tournament and pageantry of mimic war1 held in honour of her own peerless beauty1 in the ,lists of ,caerleon1 of horn and hound and rushing chase and willing palfrey speeding over the scented moors of ,cornwall1 or through the sunny glades of ,lyonesse1 of sweet ,may mornings when she went forth fresh and lovely1 fairer than the very smile of spring1 amongst her courtiers1 all 8,green-suited1 but with plumes that mocked the may10 to walk apart1 nevertheless1 with flushing cheek and eyes cast down1 while she listened to his whispers1 whose voice was softer and sweeter than fairy music in her ears6 ,could she but have known then where to seek her happiness and find it6 ,alas6 that we see things so differently in different lights and surroundings--in serge and velvet1 in the lustre of revelry and the pale cold grey of dawn1 in black ,december frosts and the rich glow of ,june4 ,alas for us1 that so seldom1 till too late to take our bearings and avoid impending shipwreck1 can we make use of that fearful gift described by another great poet as 8,the telescope of truth1 ,which strips the distance of its fantasies1 ,and brings life near1 in utter nakedness1 ,making the cold reality too real60 but still reality1 and1 as such1 preferable to all the baseless visions of fancy1 all the glitter and glamour and illusion of romance4 ,we mortals must have our dreams2 doubtless it is for a good purpose that they are so fair and sweet1 that their duration is so short1 the waking from them so bitter and forlorn4 ,but at last most of us find ourselves disenchanted1 weary1 hopeless1 memory-haunted1 and seeking sanctuary after all1 like ,guinevere1 when ,lancelot had gone 8,back to his land1 but she to ,almesbury ,fled all night long by glimmering waste and weald1 ,and heard the spirits of the waste and weald ,moan as she fled1 or thought she heard them moan1-- ,and in herself she moaned--#8,too late6 too late6'0 ,what a picture of desolation and despair6 ,mocking phantoms all about her1 now gibing1 now pitying1 now goading her to the recklessness of despair4 ,before her1 darkness uncheered by a single beacon2 behind her1 the sun of life and love gone down to rise no more1 and1 lifting helpless1 hopeless eyes above1 8,a blot in heaven1 the raven flying high40 ,deep must be the guilt for which such hours as these are insufficient to atone6 ,but the queen's penance hath only just begun1 for the black drop is not yet wrung out of her heart1 and even in her cloister at ,almesbury it is remorse rather than repentance that drives the iron into her soul4 ,as it invariably does in moments of extreme feeling1 the master-passion takes possession of her once more1 and 8my ,lancelot0 comes back in all his manly beauty and his devoted tenderness1 so touching and so prized1 that for him1 too1 it must make the sorrow of a lifetime4 ,again1 she sees him in the lists1 best1 bravest1 and knightliest lance of all the ,round ,table4 ,again1 sitting fair and courtly and gentle among dames in hall1 his noble face none the less winsome1 be sure1 to her1 for that she could read on it the stamp of sorrow set there by herself as her own indelible seal4 ,again she tastes the bitter torture of their parting agony1 and her very spirit longs only to be released that it may fly to him for ever1 far away in his castle beyond the sea4 ,this1 with true dramatic skill1 is the moment chosen by the poet for the arrival of her injured1 generous1 and forgiving lord-- 8,while she brooded thus1 ,and grew half guilty in her thoughts again1 ,there rode an armed warrior to the doors40 ,and now comes that grand scene of sorrow and penitence and pardon1 for which this poem seems to me unequalled and alone4 ,standing on the brink of an uncertainty more ghastly than death1 for something tells him that he is now to lead his hosts in his last battle1 and that the unearthly powers to whom he owes birth1 fame1 and kingdom1 are about to reclaim him for their own1 he stretches the hands of free forgiveness1 as it were1 from the other world4 ,how short1 in the face of doom so imminent1 so inevitable1 appears that span of life1 in which so much has been accomplished6 ,battles have been fought1 victories gained1 a kingdom established1 a bulwark raised against the heathen1 an example set to the whole of ,christendom1 and yet it seems but yesterday 8,they found a naked child upon the sands ,of wild ,dundagil by the ,cornish sea1 ,and that was ,arthur40 ,now in the height of glory1 in the fulfilment of duty1 in the prime of manhood1 such sorrows have overtaken him1 as must needs whisper their prophetic warning that his task is done1 and it is time to go4 ,where1 he sees not1 cares not4 ,true to himself and his knighthood1 he is ready now1 as always1 to follow the path of honour1 wherever it may lead1 and meet unflinching 8,death1 or ,i know not what mysterious doom40 ,arthur1 dethroned1 ruined1 heart-broken1 mortally wounded1 and unhorsed1 will be no less ,arthur than when on ,badon ,hill he stood 8,high on a heap of slain1 from spur to plume1 ,red as the rising sun with heathen blood10 and shouted victory with a great voice in the culminating triumph of his glory4 ,illustration3 8#8,we two may meet before high ,god4'0 ,bones and ,i4 ,page #beg ,for him1 too1 at this supreme moment the master-passion asserts its sway1 and even that great soul thrills to its centre with the love that has been wasted for half a lifetime on her who is only now awaking to a consciousness of its worth4 ,he cannot leave her for ever without bidding farewell to his guilty queen4 ,so riding through the misty night to the convent where she has taken refuge1 he looks his last in this world on her from whom in his great loyalty of affection neither her past disgrace nor his own approaching death shall part him for ever4 ,with that instinct of pure love which clings to a belief in its eternity1 he charges her to cleanse her soul with repentance and sustain her hopes with faith1 that 8,hereafter in that world where all are pure ,we two may meet before high ,god1 and thou ,wilt spring to me1 and claim me thine1 and know ,i am thine husband40 ,thus1 with all his soul flowing to his lips1 this grand heroic nature blesses the guilty woman1 grovelling in the dust1 and moves off stately and unflinching to confront the doom of ,fate4 ,then1 true to the yearning nature of her sex1 yearning ever with keenest longings for the lost and the impossible1 ,guinevere leaps to her feet1 the tide of a new love welling up in her wayward heart1 fierce1 cruel1 and irresistible1 because it must be henceforth utterly hopeless and forlorn4 ,with her own hand she has put away her own happiness2 and what happiness it might have been she feels too surely1 now that no power on earth can ever make it hers again6 ,oh6 for one word more from the kind1 forgiving voice6 ,oh6 for one look in the brave1 clear1 guileless face6 ,but no4 ,it is never to be4 ,never1 never more6 ,she rushes indeed to the casement1 but ,arthur is already mounted and bending from the saddle1 to give directions for her safety and her comfort4 8,so she did not see the face1 ,which then was as an angel1 but she saw-- ,wet with the mists and smitten by the lights-- ,the dragon of the great ,pendragon-ship ,blaze1 making all the night a steam of fire4 ,and even then he turned2 and more and more ,the moony vapours rolling round the king1 ,who seemed the phantom of a giant in it1 ,enwound him1 fold by fold1 and made him gray ,and grayer1 till himself became as mist ,before her1 moving ghostlike to his doom40 8,i think ,i like it better without your explanations and remarks10 observed ,bones4 8,there is a proverb1 my friend1 about #8refined gold1' and #8the lily1' that you would do well to remember4 ,hang it6 man1 do you think nobody understands or appreciates poetry but yourself80 ,perhaps ,i have over-aired him lately2 but it seems to me that ,bones is a good deal 8above himself40 ,if ,i can only get him back into the cupboard1 ,i have more than half a mind to lock him up for good and all4 ,,the ,,end ,,richard ,,clay ,,sons1 ,,limited1 ,,london ,,bungay4 ,,footnotes3 #a 8,if that's a fight indeed1 ,where you strike hard1 and ,i stand still and bleed40 #b 8,cogitat ,ursidius1 sibi dote jugare puellam1 ,ut placeat domino1 cogitat ,ursidius40 #c ,a narrow board1 on which provisions1 etc4 are packed1 to be dragged through the woods on these expeditions in the snow4 ,transcriber's ,notes pg #i ,changed3 the value of 8this here obserwation to3 the value of 8this here observation