,be ,young ,again6 ,by ,murray ,leinster 7author of ,nobody ,saw ,the ,ship7 ,,feature ,,novel ,just about every confidence gag had been tried on old ,vachti1 except the ,elixir of ,youth4 ,only this was different--,professor ,barr had a unique pitch on it1 but ,buck had the real goods6 ,transcriber's ,note3 ,this etext was produced from ,future combined with ,science ,fiction ,stories ,july-,august #aiej4 ,extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the ,u4,s4 copyright on this publication was renewed4 ,me and a guy named ,hermes ,trismigestus take care of the situation when ,jode gets in a very tight place4 ,this guy ,trismigestus is anyways a thousand years old1 if he's alive anywhere1 and ,i am sixteen1 but we co-operate4 ,the tight place is caused by ,prof ,henry ,barr1 who urgent regrets the matter later on1 and by ,mr4 ,vachti1 who is an elderly bootlegger baron in the dear dead days2 he still has bodyguards hanging around him bloodthirsty4 ,if you think an old guy like ,mr4 ,vachti can't figure in a tight place--he's got some tough-looking goons around and a yacht and a private island estate and other trimmings--all ,i got to say is you never met ,mr4 ,vachti4 ,old ,jode gets into it because he thinks it will top off his career4 ,pride4 ,he is the party who once worked a handkerchief-switch on ,ma ,mandelbaum1 who ,i understand was the biggest lady fence in the world in her day1 and wasn't to be swindled by an amateur4 ,he also once sells a gold brick to the ,united ,states ,mint in ,denver1 ,colorado4 ,and once he persuades the police department of a certain fair city that he is a ,fed man with a tip-off on a bank robbery that is gonna take place4 ,he has every cop in town ambushed around that bank that night1 while he lurks inside with a tommy-gun1 waiting for the bold bad burglars that never arrive4 ,he acts much embarrassed next morning4 ,but a coupla days later the liquid assets of the bank turn up in the mail addressed to him1 because he has spent those long hours packing them neat in ,manilla envelopes and mailing them in the mail-slot that is in the bank for the convenience of depositors4 ,but1 still1 ,jode feels that taking ,mr4 ,vachti over the hurdles will crown his career4 ,mr4 ,vachti was a very big shot once1 when his business staff included not only income-tax men and tommy-gun experts1 but also gentlemen who specialize in putting people in barrels of concrete and dumping them in the ,chicago ,river4 ,i meet old ,jode when ,i am thumbing a ride towards the ,coast4 ,i have beat it from what you might call home after my old man works me over with a chair for spending money ,i earn on a gas-engine for a model aeroplane instead of giving it to him to get drunk on4 ,i am not making out so good at hitch-hiking1 because1 being sixteen and not looking any older1 ,i hafta dodge truant officers everywhere4 ,but ,i get by2 ,i fix a car-radio for a guy at a fillin'-station while old ,jode is having his gas-tank filled up1 and the guy says swell and gives me a half a buck4 ,the job ,i done would cost him twelve sixty at a regular repair-shop4 ,i says1 ,i could do with a lift to ,phoenix1 but the guy isn't going that way4 ,then old ,jode wheezes cordial that he is1 so ,i climb in his car4 ,he is fat and old and has danglin' red wattles1 and he looks like he is made of money and hasn't a care in the world4 ,outside of havin' the cops of sixteen or eighteen states passionate interested in his whereabouts1 he doesn't have no worries1 and lookin' like a million dollars is his business4 ,but ,i don't know that then2 he talks to me cordial1 and we get on to science1 a subject in which he is interested but don't know beans about4 ,with him asking questions1 grunting and respectful1 ,i tell him the theoretic perfect fuel for space-ships1 and the difference between a rocket and a jet1 and what the ,doppler effect is1 and what's the difference between ,oak ,ridge and ,hansford1 ,wash4 ,i'm not showing off1 you know2 ,i explain that ,i read a lot of science magazines and he'd ought to try them4 ,special the science-fiction ones4 ,and ,i tell him ,i'm headed for the ,coast to get a job in a radio-repair shop1 like ,i had back home after school and ,saturdays1 and ,i'm going to save up and have a private experimental laboratory4 ,i got some ideas--science-fiction ideas--that ,i think ,i can make work out actual4 ,old ,jode gets thoughtful4 ,later on when ,i know him better ,i will know what that means4 ,right then1 though1 when he beams and says he would like to play a joke on a friend1 and ,i seem a handy young man with tools1 ,i just say modest that ,i'm pretty fair4 ,he makes me a proposition4 ,he'll stake me to grub and hotel expenses and a suit of clothes1 and say ,i'm his nephew1 if ,i'll fix him a trick television cabinet with a movie sound projector inside so he can fool a friend into thinkin' he's got a long-distance receiver that'll pick up from anywhere4 ,i can do that with my hands tied behind my back2 ,i take him up quick4 ,i improve the idea2 ,i suggest color-film1 which will look like three-color television in action4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 ,vachti don't have anything to do with this deal4 ,neither does the ,prof1 who at that time is fumbling happy with a swell idea that he don't know how good it is4 ,this is ,phoenix1 ,arizona4 ,so old ,jode buys the stuff ,i say is needed--he acts like he is made of money--and ,i put it together in the hotel-room he gets for me next to his4 ,it's a swell hotel1 the best in town1 and ,i eat fancy grub that ,i don't know the names of1 being you have to order it in ,french4 ,when the job's finished ,i figure on thumbing my way further1 but old ,jode says perish the thought4 ,he will put me on salary as his technical assistant4 ,he waddles around town1 wheezing and busy1 while ,i catch up on my science reading4 ,i'm knee-deep in magazines when he comes tiptoeing into the room and says joyous that his joke worked and he's beating it before his friend gets wise4 ,so we light out1 and he chuckles happy all the way up to ,sun ,valley--which is considerable of a ride--where he says he would like to rest a few days4 ,when ,i get to know him better ,i find out that he shows what was apparently three-color television to some sharp business men in ,phoenix2 they get together and pull a fast business deal on him1 and swindle him excessive by paying him only twenty thousand bucks for all rights in a epoch-making discovery4 ,which when they find out they been stuck they can't say a word1 because their methods are at least unethical if not illegal4 ,old ,jode soaks up sun and fancier grub than ever at ,sun ,valley1 which is a very swank place indeed1 but ,i get restless4 ,then one day he comes in chucklin' and says that he will have great fun with his friend the president of ,western ,power if ,i can contrive something that looks like it is a receiver of beamed or wireless power1 and can it be done8 ,i says it will be phoney but if he wants a laugh1 okay4 ,so ,i make a set with a coupla thyratron tubes and this and that and it looks just like a science-fiction illustration4 ,but the power it delivers so impressive comes from storage-batteries built in the work-bench it's built on4 ,i would like to see him play his joke1 but he says no4 ,i sneak a look in the window1 anyhow1 and ,i get the picture4 ,i don't hear the actual dealing1 but ,western ,power pays him plenty for full ownership of the gadget1 with the agreement that they are going to smash it right where it sets and try not to have bad dreams about what it would do to their business4 ,we leave ,sun ,valley with old ,jode on top of the world and beaming at me affectionate4 ,i have got wise1 now1 and ,i talk to him stern4 ,he is upset1 but he tells me the story of his life--he gets proud of it as he goes along--with all about how he pulls the handkerchief-switch on ,ma ,mandelbaum1 and the gold brick on the ,denver ,mint1 and all the rest4 ,it is a very adventurous career he describes1 and it even has glamour4 ,then he promises that if ,i stay on as his technical assistant ,i can have a private experimental laboratory of my own1 and he will leave me in the clear in all dealings4 ,so ,i settle down to planning what ,i'm gonna have and how ,i'm going to use it4 ,i expect to set up my laboratory in ,las ,lagunas1 where we are heading4 99 99 99 99 99 ,las ,lagunas is another swank place1 with all the bills-of-fare in ,french and the prices lookin' like ,army-,navy estimates4 ,i send for lab-supply catalogs and start hunting for a place to set up shop4 ,then ,jode--who has been circulating social1 wheezing happy and contagious--says apprehensive that ,i better not plan on a lab here1 because we may have to move4 ,i ask why4 ,he says he has met ,mr4 ,vachti1 and to top off his career he has got an ambition to put over a fast one on him4 ,after that1 he says1 he will retire and devote the rest of his life to supervising my education4 ,i am not keen on having my education supervised1 but ,jode explains that ,mr4 ,vachti is the one guy who has put it over on everybody1 and nobody has ever put anything over on him4 ,he is famous from prohibition days4 ,he even beats the income-tax rap the ,feds try to pin on him when they despair of linking him with missing persons they think are in barrels of concrete at the bottom of the ,chicago ,river4 ,mr4 ,vachti is completely surrounded by lawyers and personal physicians2 he is seventy and keeps his old bodyguards out of sentiment1 wears dark spectacles1 and has a most unpleasant hobby4 ,he owns a yacht1 an island1 and several million dollars1 but his hobby is getting people to try to swindle him and then sending them to jail4 ,he is very respectable now1 says ,jode1 and a good many artistic swindlers have worked on him1 but he does not appreciate their artistry4 ,it is a challenge1 says old ,jode4 ,it will be something to remember in his declining years1 ,jode says1 if he nicks ,mr4 ,vachti for a roll and gets away with it4 ,if ,i will postpone my laboratory until he is through with ,mr4 ,vachti1 he will buy me a eighteen-foot sailboat that ,i can have personal1 and ,i can loaf around in it while business goes on4 ,i make the deal4 ,the price of my laboratory is climbing as ,i think of more things ,i would like to have4 ,i figure if ,jode gets rich enough1 maybe ,i can nick him for a small-sized cyclotron and have some fun4 ,meanwhile a sailboat won't be bad4 ,i get it4 ,i do have fun4 ,i have never heard of ,hermes ,trismigestus2 ,i have never heard of ,paracelsus1 or ,dr4 ,dee1 or ,dr4 ,faustus1 or ,nicolas ,flamel1 or any of those guys4 ,i have never heard of ,prof ,henry ,barr4 ,but ,i learn to sail my boat pretty good and ,i am happy planning my laboratory4 ,but old ,jode loses his carefree look2 he gets absent-minded and fretful4 ,one day he confides his woes to me4 ,i am afraid1 he wheezes pathetic1 that ,i am losing my grip1 ,buck4 ,i know ,mr4 ,vachti well4 ,we are on confidential terms4 ,he thinks ,i am a retired banker1 and he has confided to me all about his hobby1 and tells me with grim amusement about the various sucker-baits he has been invited to fall for4 ,and ,i cannot contrive a scheme to offer him6 ,every type of enterprise the mind of man can invent has been tried on him6 ,the most refined of financial shenanigans have failed6 ,he is on to everything6 ,i say1 ,yeah8 ,i would like to be helpful2 that laboratory is going to cost money4 ,a electron-telescope ain't cheap4 ,i need for ,jode to be prosperous to keep his promise4 ,he has opened his files to me1 says ,jode1 wrinklin' up his fat face like a baby tryin' not to cry4 ,all the games he has pretended to fall for1 with the news clippings of the trials and sentencing of the operators6 ,he even has the records of the parole board hearings on them1 and how he has protested the freeing of such criminals4 ,that file is most informative4 ,there are a coupla twists that even ,i never heard of before4 ,the greatest artists in the business have worked on him1 ,buck6 ,it would be a artistic triumph to diddle him4 ,indeed1 ,i could not rest easy in my grave without havin' a try at him6 ,i bet1 ,i says1 that if he ever does fall1 it will be for somethin' a three-year-old would laugh at4 ,i don't know why ,i say it1 but ,jode's mouth drops open4 ,he blinks at me1 and suddenly he begins to wheeze happy again4 ,genius6 he says4 ,that's the trick6 ,now ,i start hunting for the oldest1 stalest1 most impossible trick in the world6 ,somethin' so old and phoney nobody would think of tryin' it4 ,i think1 ,buck1 that as my technical assistant you show genius6 ,he struts out1 a fat little guy with sporty clothes who looks like a retired banker without a worry in the world4 ,and around this time a new crop of science magazines appears on the newsstands2 ,i buy the lot of 'em and loaf around in my sailboat1 readin' 'em and making plans4 #b ,one week passes1 and two4 ,then ,jode tells me he wants me to have dinner1 formal1 with a ,prof ,henry ,barr whom he has contacted because he's got a hunch that the ,prof has maybe the scheme he is looking for4 ,the ,prof had an advertisement in the paper4 ,it reads3 ,i have made an unconventional scientific discovery that ,i do not know how to develop commercially4 ,an entrepreneur or financial adviser with some money is sought4 ,address ,biologist1 ,box #gaa1 care this paper4 ,it's crude1 says ,jode1 helpful4 ,it wouldn't get a nibble from real money4 ,all he could hope for would be a sure-thing player or a legal counsellor tryin' for a long-shot cut4 ,i have invited him to dinner4 ,in prosperous surroundings he will be excited and probably spill his hand4 ,you will pass on the plausibility of his scientific discovery4 ,it is one of the things ,i pay you for4 ,well--,i play up4 ,i am passing for ,jode's nephew in the very swank surroundings of ,las ,lagunas1 where ,jode's and my hotel-suite costs more money per day than ,i ever hoped to make a week4 ,i prefer hanging around in my sailboat1 reading science fiction and planning my laboratory1 but ,i get combed up and put on a snazzy suit ,jode has bought me2 we meet this ,prof and ,jode waddles grand into the hotel dining-room4 ,they have cocktails and ,i have a coke and then the business starts4 ,old ,jode eats his oysters1 noisy and with gusto1 and wipes his mouth4 ,i was--hrrrm--much interested in your advertisement1 ,professor ,barr1 he wheezes4 ,it is a beautiful approach4 ,however1 ,i will bet cash money that you didn't get a single answer besides mine worth your talents4 ,true1 admits the ,prof4 ,he is a dignified but seedy-looking guy with long white whiskers4 ,he strokes them reflective4 ,i had a number of replies1 but few of them suggested financial responsibility4 ,the waiter serves the soup4 ,jode sniffs at it and beams4 ,the chef here1 he says1 makes soup which is almost music--,what have you got1 ,professor8 ,the ,prof begins his spiel1 dignified4 ,why1 he says1 profound1 ,i had better explain that ,i was ,professor of ,medieval ,history at ,perkins ,college for thirty-five years4 ,i was released because a wealthy alumnus offered to add to the endowment if a son-in-law of his was taken on the faculty and his habit of getting drunk frequently was ignored4 ,i had to be released so the college could take advantage of the offer4 ,hrrrrm1 says ,jode4 ,my sympathies1 sir4 ,i do not blame them1 says the ,prof1 resigned1 but ,i shall never again practice teaching as a profession4444 ,the point is that in my studies of medieval history ,i naturally came across many mentions of alchemy4 ,the alchemists1 you are doubtless aware1 searched for the ,philosopher's ,stone to turn base metal into gold2 for an ,alkahest to dissolve all known substances2 and they searched for the ,elixir of ,youth4 ,i planned to write a scholarly treatise on the contributions of alchemy--gunpowder1 metallic tinctures in medicine1 sulphuric acid1 and all the foundations of chemistry4 ,but as ,i studied the source-material1 ,i found the reports of their work singularly convincing4 ,jode looks at me4 ,i nod4 ,something like this hasta be the truth4 ,sure6 ,astronomy started with fortune-telling4 ,chemistry must have had as crazy a beginning4 ,i nod emphatic4 ,it has been pointed out1 says the ,prof1 profound1 that if one set a million monkeys at a million typewriters and kept them pounding away at random1 by the mere operation of the laws of chance one of those monkeys would ultimately re-write the ,smyth ,report on ,atomic ,energy4 ,and it is easy to calculate that during the ,middle ,ages there were enough alchemists making experiments practically at random to produce outstanding discoveries by sheer happenchance4 ,some of these discoveries we know4 ,i have mentioned them4 ,but ,i have proof that they made others4 99 99 99 99 99 ,old ,jode leans back in his chair4 ,this is the oldest of all known swindles4 ,it is worn out long before the first gold brick is made4 ,old ,jode is astounded at his good fortune2 this is perfect for ,mr4 ,vachti1 who has never been put through the wringer by any person whatsoever4 ,hrrrrrrm6 says old ,jode4 ,pray go on1 sir6 ,some three years back1 says the ,prof1 ,i took the money ,i had intended to use for my summer sustenance1 and duplicated the alchemical process described by ,dr4 ,dee for the production of the ,alkahest--the ,universal ,solvent4 ,it began with icelandic spar1 or calcium fluoride4 ,the intervening processes were absurd4 ,but as a result ,i achieved a liquid which turned out to be hydrofluoric acid--the acid which is now used for etching glass1 and which is so nearly a universal solvent that it can be retained in fluoro-carbon plastic bottles4 ,i perk up my ears4 ,old ,jode sees my face4 ,he grunts3 ,interestin'4 ,pray continue6 ,the waiter serves some boef a ,marechal ,chateaubriand4 ,jode drools4 ,he begins to stoke himself steady4 ,i had proved one alchemical discovery true1 says the ,prof4 ,the ,philosopher's ,stone4 ,old ,jode chokes4 ,he says1 pained3 ,not a process to make gold6 ,please1 ,prof-- ,the ,philosopher's ,stone1 says the ,prof1 stern1 may have been achieved4 ,but when metals are transmuted the energy-release is tremendous2 it is atomic energy4 ,when uranium is changed into boron and such1 an atomic bomb is the result4 ,the manufacture of gold would involve highly lethal radiation in vast quantities4 ,i did not attempt to duplicate the ,philosopher's ,stone6 ,that's better1 says ,jode1 relieved4 ,but1 says the ,prof1 ,i did--at great and crippling expense to myself--repeat ,hermes ,trismigestus' process for making the ,elixir of ,youth4 ,and it worked4 ,old ,jode looks1 blinks1 and then he begins to kinda glow with happiness1 inside and out4 ,this is the oldest swindle on earth4 ,it goes back to before history4 ,it is so cold and so worn-out that it is undoubtedly the only one that ain't been tried on ,mr4 ,vachti--and for a bloodthirsty old guy now gloomily hangin' on around seventy1 it is the one bait that he would like to believe in if he could4 ,remarkable6 wheezes ,jode4 ,you have experimental evidence1 of course8 ,i beggared myself procurin' the materials1 says the ,prof1 apologetic4 ,modern chemicals will not work4 ,one must use the impure1 the sometimes ridiculous chemicals of the ancients4 ,it is possible that the very impurities are the essential ingredients4 ,but at the cost of all my savings1 ,i made ten cubic centimetres of yellow fluid4 ,i tried a bit of it on an ancient rat from the biology department at ,perkins4 ,it worked--too well4 ,much too well6 ,so ,i--ah--,i was forced to experiment for the proper dosage4 ,one cubic centimetre of the yellow fluid--the elixir--it developed1 would restore a twenty-pound animal to early maturity4 ,seven to ten centimetres would be required for an adult human being4 ,but ,i had to expend eight cubic centimetres to verify this fact in my experiments on small animals4 ,i have only two centimetres left4 ,but ,i do have a number of very elderly rats at my dwelling4 ,i will let you choose any one of them2 ,i will administer the elixir1 and allow you to take the animal away and care for it4 ,in three days it will be a young rat again4 ,such evidence would be unquestionable1 beams ,jode4 ,how much8 ,eh8 says the ,prof1 startled4 ,you need the ,elixir yourself1 says ,jode1 grunting amiable4 ,you are broke4 ,if somebody will finance the makin' of an adequate supply for you1 you will make enough for him1 too4 ,you see1 ,i am saving you the trouble of makin' the pitch4 ,and ,i say again1 how much8 ,the ,prof's eyes gleam4 ,he wets his lips4 ,jode says confidential4 ,i am a customer4 ,i can fetch in another--a very rich man4 ,if ,i finance the operation myself1 will you split with me what ,i get outa him8 ,your split will be in five figures4 ,maybe more4 ,i--ah--when ,i am a young man again1 admits the ,prof1 it would be a very good idea to have some capital with which to start life anew4 ,er--yes1 ,i will agree to that4 ,jode asks questions1 fast1 and peels off century-notes like he was dealing a hand for set-back4 ,he is hooked2 he is beaming4 ,all during the rest of dinner he wheezes and snorts happy to himself4 99 99 99 99 99 ,after the ,prof has gone away1 old ,jode says scornful that he is strictly a small-time operator1 and he doubts if he ever took over a customer for as much as a grand in all his life4 ,but he figures ,prof is ripe for plenty more than this first installment1 which is what ,jode wants4 ,up in our rooms1 he is still grinning with all his chins and wattles4 ,a lovely business1 eh1 ,buck8 ,convincin'1 too6 ,can't you picture how ,vachti will fall for this ,elixir of ,youth proposition8 ,he'll see himself young1 surrounded by pretty girls4444 ,illustration3 ,can't you picture how ,vachti will fall for this ,elixir of ,youth proposition8 ,he'll see himself young1 surrounded by pretty girls4444 ,i know of a coupla science-fiction writers coulda done it better1 ,i say1 detached4 ,but it's good enough4 ,it would take a good man to find a hole in that theory4 ,in fact1 it would prob'ly work4 ,huh8 says ,jode4 ,it would prob'ly work1 ,i repeat1 firm4 ,that catalyst stuff is good reasonin'4 ,i knew a fella got fired from a silverplatin' plant and he took a file and filed off some powdered bakelite into each one of the platin' baths to get even4 ,the firm near went crazy4 ,the bakelite don't dissolve or anything1 but you can't plate when it's in the bath4 ,it's a anticatalyst4 ,some of those impurities the ,prof was talking about must keep the regular chemical actions from takin' place1 so you get what he said4 ,old ,jode sits down and howls4 ,that stuff about the million monkeys is true1 ,i point out4 ,i read that myself in a science magazine4 ,i got a hunch there's more to his idea than he figures4 ,if my laboratory was set up ,i'd try it myself4 ,maybe ,i better had1 anyways4 ,buck6 wheezes old ,jode1 ,you'll be the death of me6 ,he near strangles1 laughin'4 ,i get mad4 ,okay1 ,i say1 but ,i tell you right now you better let me do it if you sure-enough want that elixir4 ,icelandic spar ain't what he said4 ,he's got good dope1 but he's a phoney6 ,old ,jode thinks that's so funny ,i go out and take a walk to cool off4 ,but the more ,i think about it1 the better the ,prof's stuff looks4 ,next day ,i go to the public library and hunt up alchemy4 ,i get a bunch of books out in the reading-room4 ,trismigestus4 ,bacon4 ,theophrastus4 ,paracelsus4 ,count ,graby4 ,i read them1 fast1 taking notes when necessary4 ,i get fascinated2 the stuff sounds plenty convincing4 ,i get excited4 ,it's as good as some science fiction4 ,i fill my head up with the stuff1 and a notebook with memos4 ,i go to a drug-store and buy some test-tubes4 ,i get a alcohol-burner and some denatured2 ,i go to a paint store and buy some more stuff4 ,i have to hunt high and low before ,i can find a hobby-shop with geological specimens4 ,i get some stuff there4 ,fluor-spar4 ,the clerk sells it to me indifferent4 ,plenty of guys my age mess around with experiments2 ,i get everything ,i need1 except some egg-skin4 ,i go back to the hotel1 lock the door and put the stuff together4 ,i have not got pure chemicals4 ,a hunk of native sulphur4 ,i catch some soot from safety matches that ,i burn one after another under a metal ash-tray4 ,i've got a hunk of sal-ammoniac--lump stuff1 not what they sell at a drug-store4 ,nobody will sell me oil of vitriol1 but ,i get some at a garage where they have it for storage batteries4 ,i got some iron pyrites4 ,i mix the stuff up careful4 ,it makes an awful stink4 ,i have to open the windows4 ,i go through all the routine that a guy named ,dr4 ,dee says would make a universal solvent4 ,nothing happens4 ,nothing at all4 ,i am pretty much disgusted4 ,the ,prof's stuff sounded good4 ,if ,i'd read it in a science magazine ,i would've believed it and remembered it4 ,but nothing happens4 ,next morning ,i am having breakfast when ,i remember about the skin of a egg4 ,that is crazy4 ,it ain't scientific2 not modern scientific1 anyhow4 ,but ,i go upstairs with a egg-shell from breakfast4 ,i get out that thin skin from inside and put it in the test-tube4 ,nothing happens4 ,i get disgusted all over again4 ,i sit down with a science magazine1 and ,i am reading it morbid1 when ,i smell something funny4 ,the test-tube is empty4 ,there is a little white vapor around the bottom4 ,there is a hole in the test-tube2 there is a hole in the sink2 there is a hole in the floor underneath4 ,it stinks something awful4 ,i don't know how far down the hole goes1 but ,i know ,i got to get a laboratory and work this business out6 99 99 99 99 99 ,i tell old ,jode about it4 ,i show him the hole in the floor and the sink4 ,he turns funny colors4 ,you mighta made poison gas1 ,buck6 he says4 ,you coulda killed yourself6 ,it coulda been poison6 ,it wasn't whipping cream1 ,i agree4 ,it's what those alchemists said they got4 ,i got my doubts the ,prof ever did this experiment1 even if he said he did4 ,you better let me fix up a temporary laboratory and make that elixir for you4 ,but ,jode looks pained4 ,buck1 he says1 ,i have sounded out ,mr4 ,vachti4 ,i have explained that ,i have been softened up on this business4 ,i have acted dumb so he thinks ,i have fallen for it4 ,he is checking up2 you got to stay out of this party6 ,but the ,prof ain't going to make the real stuff6 ,i say1 grim4 ,i'll bet--what kinda apparatus is he buyin'8 ,jode shows me a list4 ,he is fat and white-haired an very impressive to look at1 but when it comes to science he has to take my word for things4 ,i say1 scornful3 ,phoney6 ,i hunted up ,hermes ,trismigestus in the library yesterday and got the formula4 ,that vacuum distillation apparatus ain't going to be used6 ,it's just to dress up the lab4 ,it's wrong1 eh8 says ,jode4 ,it's crazy6 ,i says4 ,just good apparatus wasted6 ,fine6 says ,jode1 relieved4 ,i didn't think he believed it himself2 if he wasn't a crook ,i'd be messed up4 ,but he's still got me worried4 ,how's he gonna pull that trick of makin' rats young again1 ,buck8 ,mr4 ,vachti wants to see that--him handling the rats4 ,if the ,prof is smart enough to put that over1 ,mr4 ,vachti is hooked6 ,if ,i wanted to do it1 ,i says1 scornful1 ,i'd put some rats on short grub an' castor oil and get 'em thin4 ,then ,i'd powder their fur to make 'em gray1 and probably get a vet to give me something to make 'em off their feed and languid4 ,they'd look plenty old6 ,and all they'd need to get young again would be two or three days of good eatin' an' no castor oil4 ,genius6 says ,jode1 beaming at me affectionate4 ,you take a load off my shoulders4 ,tomorrow ,mr4 ,vachti and me we look over the rats and ,i bet you got the trick exact4 ,the ,prof is mighty cagey with his two centimetres of stuff4 ,better let me make it for you real1 ,i say1 warning4 ,you stay outa this6 grunts ,jode1 scared again when he thinks of that hole in the sink and the floor4 ,and don't go mixing up any more poisons1 hear me8 ,he is honest worried4 ,he ain't a bad guy2 he's a crook1 of course1 but in his way he's all right4 ,right now he's paying for me to stay at a plenty swank hotel1 passin' for my uncle--which keeps me outa truant-officer trouble--and he tries earnest to make me appreciate souffle marin avec pate de foie gras as superior to the hot dogs ,i eat a lot more frequent4 ,but he is firm about me not making any more experiments4 ,well1 ,i can handle that4 ,i got a sailboat1 ain't ,i8 ,i fix up a locker with a padlock1 and ,i start accumulatin' materials1 duckin' into the library occasional to get more dope from translations of ,hermes ,trismigestus and ,count ,graby and ,nicolas ,flamel and so on4 ,i get to be a expert on alchemy1 which some ways is almost as interestin' as science fiction1 only not so likely4 ,it looks to me that with a good thick concrete screen and remote-control handling of materials to take care of radiation1 it might be a good idea to see if the philosopher's stone formula does give nuclear fission4 ,but right now ,i try something with immediate practical use4 ,i go after the ,elixir of ,youth4 #c ,it is surprising how hard it is to get some things4 ,dragon's blood1 which the formula calls for1 ain't what you think and you don't buy it at a art store1 either4 ,and raw natron is not easy to get hold of4 ,i am almost stumped by ashes of mandrake1 though2 there simply ain't any mandrake in the ,united ,states4 ,but ,i hunt it up in the botany books1 and ,i find a weed that's a close cousin1 ,i spend two days off in the woods hunting it1 and ,i find some and compare the leaves with those in the book4 ,then ,i got to reduce it to ash1 and ,i'm drifting around in the bay with a terrific stink and plenty of smoke coming from my apparatus in the sailboat4 ,it don't occur to me what it looks like1 but all of a sudden there's a booming noise1 and a fast motor-yacht is streaking up to me1 and it looms up and a couple tough-looking guys are looking me over4 ,one of 'em says3 ,you on fire1 kid4 ,want us to douse it for you8 ,i say no thanks2 ,i am cookin' lunch and it got scorched2 they look me over curious and the motor-yacht goes on its way4 ,i read the name on its stern and it's ,mr4 ,vachti's yacht4 ,even the sailors on his yacht look like those guys he is keeping himself surrounded by--people who remind him of the happy past when he was a bootlegger baron and rode around in a bullet-proof car4 ,they are tough-looking birds1 those babies6 ,i don't see much of old ,jode4 ,he gets up in the morning and groans1 has black coffee with brandy in it2 presently he totters to the bathroom1 takes a long shower and dresses up sporty and goes out4 ,but he reports to me from time to time2 one day he tells me the rat business worked out perfect1 and the ,prof has put the bite on him for another five ,cs4 ,then he says the ,prof's equipment has arrived and is being set up4 ,him and ,mr4 ,vachti go and look it over4 ,and ,i know that ,jode sweats some1 then1 but ,mr4 ,vachti has merely told him firm that he is a sucker being swindled because ,mr4 ,vachti's lawyer has told him so4 ,but nobody is trying to swindle ,mr4 ,vachti yet1 so there is nothing he can do about it4 ,then the ,prof begins his chemical work1 putting together dragon's blood and mandrake ash and natron and egg-white4 ,old ,jode goes and watches4 ,he says the ,prof puts on a good show1 says ,mr4 ,vachti is watching1 and fair drooling with wanting to be in on what is a kind of party that just possible might be on the level4 ,but he wants still more to be in on it if it's a swindle4 ,because just like ,jode collects fond memories of having put over artistic tricks1 ,mr4 ,vachti collects records of people sent to jail for all the known swindle games4 ,he has no record of a man sent to jail for selling the elixir of life1 and he wants one to complete his collection4 ,so ultimate he broaches the matter to ,jode4 ,if the ,prof is on the level1 he says1 he knows of a new career surpassin' even that of bootleg baron which he could embark on if he was young again4 ,and if it's a crooked deal1 it will sort of climax his career1 sending somebody to jail for trying to sell him eternal youth4 ,old ,jode is fair trembling with the near realization of his ambition1 when he tells me this4 ,the deal is made4 ,mr4 ,vachti will put up fifty grand in cash for a equal dose of the elixir with the ,prof and ,jode4 ,if it works1 the cash is his contribution4 ,if it don't work1 he gets it back4 ,and ,jode is shaky but resolute4 ,now listen1 he says1 earnest4 ,i'm checkin' a coupla bags at the airport1 and they are important4 ,i'm putting the car in a garage where you or me can get it out fast1 but nobody else knows about it4 ,if we got to beat it1 ,i'm goin' to be all set4 ,but-- ,i am all set to pull the last business of makin' the elixir1 and ,i got to be undisturbed4 ,i got to do it private4 ,i have gone to the dogpound and looked over the dogs1 and there's an old pooch there that somebody sent to have put in the gas-chamber2 he is pretty decrepit1 but he looks at me wistful when ,i speak to him4 ,he's just old4 ,so ,i have bailed him out and he's tied up in the boat now4 ,i'm going to tell ,jode ,i'll be back late that night4 ,he is a pretty good guy4 ,i know for a fact that he never goes to bed without lookin' in to see that ,i am all right4 ,which in a way is insultin' when a guy is sixteen1 but in another way ain't so bad4 ,my old man never done nothing like that4 ,i feel kinda fond of old ,jode4 ,but ,i don't want him to know ,i'm making the elixir until it's all done4 ,he says1 unhappy3 ,buck1 my boy1 anything may happen4 ,according to the ,prof's figures1 the elixir is gonna be finished today4 ,it is a really beautiful setup4 ,if and when the elixir turns out to be phoney1 he is the fall guy2 ,i am absolute in the clear4 ,yeah8 ,i say4 ,i have got to keep a alembic--that's a funny-shaped thing which is really a very simple still that you can use as a tower-still if you want to--,i have to keep this alembic boiling for twelve hours continous4 ,i can't do it in the hotel2 ,i have got to tie up my boat somewheres to do it4 ,i got a place all picked out on a island off ,las ,lagunas where nobody is going to notice me4 ,there is a house on the island1 but it is always closed up4 ,i have a gasoline torch1 and everything is set4 ,but ,i am going to be back late1 and ,jode might worry4 ,i even figure ,i know what the ,professor intends1 says ,jode4 ,it is crude2 the ,prof is not an artist2 even at that4 ,mr4 ,vachti and ,i take our money to his house4 ,the ,prof and ,mr4 ,vachti and ,i take our doses of the elixir together4 ,then we are supposed to remain there1 unobserved1 until we are young men again2 then we take leave of each other and the ,prof goes off to start his life anew with our contributions4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i look at him blank4 ,obviously1 says ,jode1 in a tone suggesting that he feels kind of ashamed for the ,prof1 the doses that he gives us will be knockout drops4 ,when we wake up1 the ,prof will have departed with a large sum4 ,oh1 ,i says4 ,it is hopeless crude1 says ,jode4 ,my intention1 ,buck1 is simply to switch glasses4 ,true artistry is always simple4 ,but--well--if anything should go wrong1 on account of ,mr4 ,vachti1 ,i want you to have this4 ,he hands me a roll that would choke a horse4 ,and--,i hope you will think of me sometimes1 ,buck4 ,i want you to take off in your sailboat now4 ,sail down the coast to ,esperance4 ,it is only twenty-five miles4 ,i will meet you there at sundown tomorrow4 ,if ,i have beat it1 ,i will be there2 if anything has gone wrong1 do not try to contact me until you are completely sure it is safe4 ,if it ain't safe--beat it6 ,and--will you shake hands8 ,i think that actual the old fella wants to hug me1 but he don't4 ,there are tears in his eyes and his wattles are all red with emotion4 ,but we just shake hands2 he isn't a bad guy1 in his way4 ,i am pretty fond of old ,jode4 ,but he's cleared the way for what ,i have to do4 ,i go down to the sailboat1 and he waddles along with me2 ,i have some grub ready1 but my apparatus is under the deck forward1 in the locker4 ,old ,jode is surprised when he sees that dog wag his tail feeble at me4 ,i explain that ,i just kinda picked him up4 ,he will be company for you tonight1 ,buck1 says ,jode1 wistful4 ,you have blankets8 ,take care of yourself1 ,buck6 ,i'll do it1 ,i says4 ,be seein' you4 ,and ,i haul up the sail and cast off4 ,sailin' away easy from the wharf1 ,i see him standin' there1 fat and funny-lookin' in his sporty clothes1 and ,i feel kinda sentimental about him4 ,but ,i figure that when ,i finish up this elixir business ,i will have something to sure-enough pay up for everything and he will treat me with more respect hereafter1 besides4 ,so ,i sail away cheerful1 get out the materials and cook myself a hot dog over the gasoline torch1 look at the blue sky1 admire the scenery and sail casual to that island ,i got picked out4 ,i haul my boat in under some trees and make everything snug4 ,it is singular peaceful4 ,there are little waves lapping on the shore1 and birds singin' in the trees that cover the island1 and now and again a little fish jumps somewhere from a big fish chasin' him4 ,that old pooch lays down and sighs and looks at me grateful1 and ,i get my stuff lined up4 ,i build a furnace for my alembic outa rocks on shore2 ,i light the torch1 and put together the stuff that ,hermes ,trismigestus says will make the elixir4 ,there is natron and orpiment and dragon's blood and egg-white1 and ashes of mandrake--anyhow1 next-door to mandrake--and the eye of a frog4 ,i got that from a fancy restaurant where they serve frogs'-legs and boast the frogs are shipped to them alive4 ,there are other ingredients that don't make sense by modern science4 ,but somewhere among them is a catalyst or a anticatalyst that produces results which modern pure chemicals wouldn't give4 ,it would be interesting1 sometime1 to find out how to make this stuff with modern chemicals4 ,i start the alembic to boiling4 99 99 99 99 99 ,about noon ,i cook some hot dogs and eat them1 and drink some pop2 the alembic is boiling slow just like it oughta and making a very unusual smell4 ,the color is a deep red1 with various elements swirling around in it like tealeaves4 ,i think of taking a swim but decide against it2 ,i read some science magazines while the elixir of youth is simmering away1 and presently ,i get sleepy and doze off4 ,then ,i wake up again and refill the gasoline torch1 cook some more hot dogs and eat them4 ,around that time--it is near sundown--,i hear a booming noise4 ,i look out through the trees1 and there is that motor-yacht that belongs to ,mr4 ,vachti that stopped to ask if ,i needed rescuin' the day ,i was turning mandrake-root to ash4 ,it is a quarter of a mile away1 maybe less2 ,i see ,mr4 ,vachti talking to one of his tough-looking crew1 and ,i see the ,prof sitting in a deck-chair with a sort of thick fog of gloom around him1 and ,i see old ,jode nervous taking a drink from a steward and putting it hasty to his mouth4 ,i can't figure it4 ,it ain't the schedule ,jode told me4 ,i watch the yacht1 and it curves around the end of the island4 ,then ,i don't feel so good2 there is a house on the island1 but it is always shut up4 ,i think it over1 uneasy1 and make sure my alembic is boiling okay--it is kinda bluish1 now1 and the smell is different and still more unusual--so ,i sneak careful off through the woods1 and presently ,i get to where ,i can see4 ,the yacht has anchored and a boat is pulling ashore4 ,i go back to my boat and fret awhile2 then ,i hear the yacht heading back toward ,las ,lagunas4 ,i feel relieved4 ,around eight o'clock that night my flashlight shows me that the stuff in the alembic has turned green4 ,it stinks something fierce1 but this is the regular change that ,hermes ,trismigestus says ought to occur1 so ,i feel pretty good4 ,i drink some more pop and try to read by the flashlight1 but it ain't so easy4 ,so ,i just lay around4 ,it's hard work keeping awake with nothing but the sound of the waves and the night-wind in the trees to listen to2 ,i wish ,i'd thought to bring along a portable radio1 but ,i didn't4 ,so ,i take a swim1 cook some more hot dogs and offer one to the old pooch4 ,he eats it uninterested and lays down again4 ,at one o'clock in the middle of the night by my wristwatch1 the stuff in the alembic is pale yellow and there ain't much of it4 ,maybe half a cup-full4 ,and it's funny1 but with all the junk ,i put in there what's left is clear liquid4 ,exactly like the alchemy book says4 ,i know that natron--which is a sodium carbonate--hadn't oughta boil away like that1 nor orpiment either4 ,and the mandrake ashes ought to stay as a sludge4 ,but they ain't4 ,i guess there was some gaseous metal compounds formed--like uranium hexifluoride--and they boil off4 ,but ,i can't swear to that explanation4 ,i do what the alchemists said they did1 and ,i get what they said they got4 ,i am kinda excited1 but ,i wait till the stuff cools off1 then ,i get the skin off a frankfurter1 soak up some of the elixir on the meat1 and feed it to the old pooch4 ,i put the balance careful in a bottle ,i have ready4 ,i am plenty sleepy by then1 because it is close to two o'clock2 ,i go to sleep4 #d ,when ,i wake up in the morning ,i feel pretty good4 ,i hear something whining close by1 and sit up2 there is that pooch4 ,he looks a lot spryer than he has been1 but he is hungry4 ,when ,i feed him1 he eats until his belly bulges out1 and then lays down and goes to sleep4 ,i take another swim2 ,i ain't in any hurry4 ,i have till sundown to get to ,esperance to meet ,jode4 ,i am divin' when ,i hear a boomin' sound underwater1 so ,i come up and there is ,mr4 ,vachti's yacht streakin' for the island again4 ,i get on shore and watch from behind the trees2 it goes around the end of the island again4 ,about a hour later it goes back to ,las ,lagunas4 ,i get worried1 put on some clothes and go careful over to where the closed-up house is4 ,it is only one story high1 but it sprawls all over and it cost plenty4 ,but it isn't closed up any longer4 ,the windows are open and ,mr4 ,vachti is sitting in a deck-chair on a terrace1 smoking a long black cigar4 ,then ,i blink2 there is ,jode1 sporty clothes and all1 waddling out to speak to him4 ,i see a coupla men working around what ,i guessed was the kitchen2 then ,i see ,prof ,henry ,barr in person4 ,he has been a spry old goat1 but he looks all drooped and unhappy now4 ,i tell you ,i get worried1 then4 ,something has gone wrong4 ,i hang around1 hoping that ,jode will get off by himself somewheres so ,i can speak to him without ,mr4 ,vachti getting wise4 ,then that pooch comes snuffling through the woods behind me4 ,he's waked up and trails me by smell4 ,he is frisky1 and ,i can't expect him to have sense enough not to run out squirming and wagging his tail if he sees somebody1 or else barking at them4 ,so ,i have to take him back to the boat and tie him up4 ,i tie him to the mooring-rope1 and feed him so he won't howl when ,i leave4 ,nothin' has changed when ,i get back4 ,jode waddles around1 lookin' bored1 but ,i can tell he is nervous4 ,he doesn't leave the house4 ,occasional he speaks to ,mr4 ,vachti1 like he is suggestin' somethin'4 ,mostly ,mr4 ,vachti just don't pay any attention4 ,jode don't have much to say to the ,prof4 ,the ,prof just sits slumped in a chair and looks miserable4 ,noon comes1 and ,i go back to the boat1 feed the pooch and myself4 ,i hang around near the house all afternoon4 ,when ,i go back for something else to eat around supper-time the pooch near eats me up1 he is that glad to see me4 ,i take a good look at him4 ,he isn't an old dog any more2 he is a kind of gangling just-grown puppy1 falling all over himself and just busting out with energy4 ,that elixir has worked on him all right4 ,i make sure he is tied up fast when ,i leave4 ,it is dark when ,i get back to the house4 ,there are lights in the windows4 ,i sneak up close and make sure there isn't nobody watching outside4 ,presently ,i duck up to where ,i can look in a window4 ,it is open1 and ,i could hear4 ,mr4 ,vachti says1 in a voice that would curdle the ,alkahest--that hydrofluoric acid that ate through the test-tube and the sink and the floor3 ,since ,i feel no physical changes1 ,i will give you two just twenty-four hours more6 ,then what8 asks ,jode1 apprehensive4 ,if by then ,i am not a young man again1 says ,mr4 ,vachti1 spiteful1 --and ,i do not expect to be--my bodyguards will either put you each in a barrel of concrete and dump you overboard at sea--which ,i do not think they have lost the knack of--or else you go to jail4 99 99 99 99 99 ,jode wheezes indignant3 ,but there has been no offense1 ,mr4 ,vachti6 he protests4 ,you tried to swindle me1 says ,mr4 ,vachti peevish4 ,both of you6 ,i deny that1 says old ,jode in fine anger1 but ,i see sweat dripping from his wattles4 ,not one finger was laid on you or your money6 ,professor ,barr made an experiment1 which ,i financed4 ,you wished to share the results4 ,it was agreed that you should have a dose of the elixir with us1 and pay if it worked and not otherwise6 ,but your men grabbed us and hustled us aboard your yacht and brought us here as prisoners6 ,you have had the elixir1 yes6 ,you insisted that the experiment go on1 on your estate here4 ,but if a crime has been committed1 says ,jode oratorical1 it has been committed by your hirelings6 ,how will you stand in a court of law1 ,mr4 ,vachti1 when you are charged with kidnapping8 ,i never hear exactly this kind of note in ,jode's voice before4 ,but ,i know what it is2 he is scared4 ,mr4 ,vachti has not been put through the wringer4 ,old ,jode has a swell trick for it1 but it doesn't work4 ,the prof is all set to give ,mr4 ,vachti and ,jode knockout drops1 and ,jode is all set to switch glasses so the ,prof and ,mr4 ,vachti will be the ones to pass out4 ,but ,mr4 ,vachti crosses them both up by kidnappin' them and the elixir and takin' his dose in the privacy of his own home with his bodyguards around4 ,now ,mr4 ,vachti laughs1 and he has absolutely the most unpleasant laugh ,i ever heard on anybody4 ,do you think1 he says ironic1 that when ,i was active in business1 ,i never had anybody kidnapped8 ,there is a silence that you coulda cut in chunks4 ,mr4 ,vachti laughs again4 ,i have a hobby1 he says1 of putting people in jail when they try to swindle me4 ,you two tried it4 ,i admit1 he says1 vexed1 that you fixed it so ,i can't put you in jail for this actual job4 ,putting you in jail won't be the perfect example ,i would wish for my files4 ,but you go to jail or into a barrel of concrete6 ,how can you send us to jail8 demands ,jode1 rather shrill4 ,i count on your assistance1 says ,mr4 ,vachti1 venomous4 ,my men have been with me for a long time4 ,it has been years since they rodded anybody except a stray burglar or two1 and they miss their old-time pursuits4 ,they took a pathetic pleasure in kidnappin' you4 ,it will seem like old times come back again1 for them1 to put you two into separate barrels of concrete and dump you overboard1 even if it is the ,pacific ,ocean instead of the ,chicago ,river they are dumping you in4 ,they will regard the event with sentiment4 ,they will bump you off with all possible artistic touches1 for old times' sake4 ,somehow1 this statement is absolute convincing4 ,i believe it4 ,so does ,jode4 ,but--jail-- pants ,jode4 ,in your career1 says ,mr4 ,vachti1 grim1 you have doubtless performed some feats that interested the police4 ,if you do not want to be encased in concrete1 you will tell me of such matters4 ,i will have my lawyers check up4 ,if you can confess to enough actual crimes of which you are actual guilty to tuck you away for what ,i consider a suitable number of years1 ,i will turn you and your signed confessions over to the cops4 ,otherwise-- 99 99 99 99 99 ,i can see ,jode's face4 ,he looks at ,mr4 ,vachti incredulous4 ,his expression is filled with a fine disgust1 like somebody would feel for somebody who has cheated in a friendly game of pinochle for beers4 ,jode's ideals are outraged4 ,to him1 tryin' to swindle ,mr4 ,vachti has been a pure matter of professional pride4 ,if ,mr4 ,vachti plays it like it lies1 old ,jode wins4 ,mr4 ,vachti is outsmarted complete1 on the artistic level4 ,but instead of conceding graceful that ,jode is a master artist1 ,mr4 ,vachti plays it dirty4 ,that1 says old ,jode in bitter contempt1 is the lowest trick ,i have ever seen any man sink to6 ,it is not playing fair6 ,it is welching on a bet6 ,it is-- ,it is my bed-time1 says ,mr4 ,vachti1 in a voice several degrees harder than granite4 ,i am going to bed4 ,you two--swindlers--can confer and decide whether you go to jail or to the bottom of the ,pacific6 ,and he means it4 ,neither the ,prof nor ,jode nor me has any doubt that he means it4 ,he tries to play a swindle through straight1 and he can't touch either the ,prof nor ,jode1 legal1 so he plays dirty to get even4 ,i lose the respect ,i used to have for bootleg barons from what ,i heard before ,i got interested in science4 ,old ,jode puffs and grunts in the room ,mr4 ,vachti has left4 ,well1 ,prof1 he says disdainful1 ,what are you going to do8 ,the ,prof speaks for the first time that ,i hear4 ,his voice is a shaky1 wabbly1 despairing moan4 ,i--ah--there are a coupla cases of forgery ,i could help the cops to solve1 he says feeble2 and once ,i got out a back window when some post-office inspectors come to the front door4 ,that was usin' the mails to defraud4 ,and--and there are a couple of obtainin' money under false pretenses raps ,i could take1 he says1 and sobs1 ,if ,mr4 ,vachti will be satisfied with them4444 ,old ,jode squares his shoulders and throws out his stomach4 ,i1 he wheezes scornful1 ,i sold a gold brick to the ,united ,states ,mint at ,denver6 ,that will get me respect in any court1 he says1 and ,i shall go upon the witness stand and expose the despicable1 the contemptible conduct of ,mr4 ,vachti in this instance6 ,and no artist1 says ,jode1 proud1 will have any further use for him6 ,he will be disgraced in the eyes of any worthwhile citizen6 ,and ,jode waddles splendid from the room1 leaving the ,prof dissolved in tears behind him4 99 99 99 99 99 ,well4444 ,it ain't so tough a job4 ,this island all belongs to ,mr4 ,vachti4 ,there ain't any possible hope of escapin' from it unless the yacht comes to take you back to shore4 ,so there ain't even locks on the windows of the room ,jode sleeps in4 ,what good would they do8 ,i find out his room by just watchin' shadows on the window-curtain4 ,the light goes out4 ,he comes to open up the window for fresh air1 and ,i whisper to him4 ,the breath goes outa him until ,i think he's gonna strangle4 ,i say quick that ,i got my boat tied up and waiting for him4 ,and old ,jode is scared1 all right4 ,he eels outa that window waiting only to grab his pants4 ,and we beat it for the boat1 only ,i remember to make him go quiet4 ,on the way ,i say to him1 severe3 ,you'd ought to have let me make that elixir like ,i said4 ,then you wouldn't'a been in this trouble4 ,i told you the ,prof would mess it up4 ,he had a good scientific theory1 but he is a phoney6 ,you're quite right1 ,buck1 pants ,jode4 ,but let's go faster6 ,it was good1 sound1 scientific reasoning1 ,i tell him1 only because ,i ain't but sixteen you hadda decide that ,i couldn't make that elixir as good as the ,prof4 ,all he's got that ,i ain't is long gray whiskers4 ,yes--yes1 ,jode gasps4 ,you are a genius1 ,buck6 ,how much farther8 ,then we reach the place where ,i can see the water again4 ,the pooch comes bouncin' joyful to me and puts his paws all over me and licks me enthusiastic4 ,he has got loose from where ,i tied him4 ,i am peeved1 but it is lucky he doesn't trail me to the house4 ,i tell him to come on and keep goin' for where my boat is4 ,only it ain't there4 ,i have tied the pooch to the moorin'-line2 bein' a young dog with nothing in particular on his mind1 he has chewed reflective on the rope like he woulda chewed on anything else4 ,he has chewed it in two4 ,the boat has drifted off4 ,i see it1 a good mile and a half away1 bobbing prettily in the streak of light the moon makes on the water4 ,i can't swim that far4 ,jode and me and the pooch are marooned on ,mr4 ,vachti's private island1 and come morning that island is going to be intensive searched4 #e ,when he realizes it1 ,jode cries4 ,he has put up a bold front in front of ,mr4 ,vachti and the ,prof1 but he has been scared all the way down in his innards4 ,now he figures he's gonna be caught and either dumped overboard in concrete or else put away for all his declining years1 and the grub in penitentiaries is terrible4 ,also--,i got to give him credit for it--he is scared for me4 ,i am on the island2 ,i can't get off neither4 ,and it is anybody's guess what ,mr4 ,vachti will think is appropriate for me4 ,a reform school is the least unpleasing idea that turns up4 ,but ,jode looks for worse than that4 ,i believe the old son-of-a-gun is honest fond of me6 ,but at that it takes plenty of argument to make him take the only possible reasonable course4 ,i suspect he thinks he will die1 and that gives him his only argument back4 ,he makes me promise that if he does die ,i will carry out the plan ,i had told him for the two of us4 ,i promise1 impatient1 and give him part of a bottle of pop that was left on shore1 with some clear yellow liquid mixed with it4 ,he gulps it down1 gagging1 while ,i heave overboard my empty bottles and hasty pack up the hot dogs ,i got left4 ,i make a muzzle for the pooch so he can't bark1 and ,i use the line he's chewed off for a leash4 ,we go hunting for a good hideout4 ,we find one2 ,i cover ,jode up with leaves and he's moderate comfortable4 ,he talks kinda feverish and panicky about what a shame for a fine young lad like me to be in such a fix as this4 ,but he's run a long ways gettin' to where the boat should be1 and he's walked plenty afterward4 ,he ain't used to it4 ,he goes to sleep1 all worn out2 ,i doze off myself4 ,come morning1 ,jode is starving4 ,i take a good look at him1 and ,i feel sort of funny4 ,things ain't working out the way ,i expect1 but ,i don't say anything4 ,i pass over hot dogs1 and ,jode wolfs 'em4 ,nothing else happens for a while4 ,then the yacht comes past the place where we're hiding1 and later ,i see a coupla guys with guns roaming around4 ,i cover up the pooch's nose with my hand2 ,i don't want no whining4 ,i have looked the pooch over more careful and ,i am what you might call appalled4 ,but those guys hunting for signs of ,jode ain't fooling2 they carry their guns very handy4 ,we stay still4 ,presently ,i see more guys1 also with guns4 ,they are hard-looking fellows4 ,sailors from the yacht2 ,they hunt systematic4 ,about the middle of the morning1 ,jode realizes what is happening4 ,the scene is terrific4 ,there is practically hysterics4 ,i figure that it must be that ,i don't have real mandrake ash but something else1 and it is pretty awful4 ,in fact1 ,jode is so upset that once ,i figure ,i better take my chances with ,mr4 ,vachti4 ,but ,i don't2 after all1 no matter how deplorable it is1 ,jode is still better off than in a barrel of concrete4 ,i argue that way4 ,i don't know that ,jode agrees--,i doubt it very much1 actually--but there ain't any choice now4 ,it's happened4 ,come sundown1 we fix some emergency clothes out of a blanket because the pajamas ,jode is wearing belong to ,mr4 ,vachti and would be recognized4 ,the two of us and the pooch go barging over to ,mr4 ,vachti's house4 ,it is just about twilight when we get there4 ,the yacht has been back to the mainland again and has brought out some dogs to track ,jode down by smell4 ,my pooch goes over amiable to make friends4 ,there is a clamorous welcome from the other dogs4 ,very clamorous4 ,jode steams4 ,then ,i explain to a guy that we two was out sailing2 we landed1 and somebody stole our boat and can they send word so our folks can come for us4 ,it sounds like very respectable family stuff4 ,there is a strange1 profane silence4 ,nobody suspects it is ,jode with me1 of course4 ,mr4 ,vachti looks us over1 suppressing all the cusswords ever known to man4 ,he says to ,jode1 ,do you usual wear a blanket8 ,jode says indignant1 ,i was sunbathing4 ,mr4 ,vachti says bitter1 ,i can prob'ly find some sailor clothes4 ,i will send you back to the mainland4 ,he would like to strangle both of us4 ,he figures that the ,jode he is after stole the boat and beat it to the mainland4 ,he can't do anything to us because1 he figures again1 ,jode will be working out a list including kidnapping1 coercion1 threats1 and other illegal acts1 and a police launch may arrive at any moment4 ,he can't even dump the ,prof overboard because of his belief that ,jode is on shore preparing a lawsuit4 ,actual1 ,jode is right there beside me1 boiling mad and wanting enthusiastic to murder me1 only not daring to show it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is a beautiful mess4 ,mr4 ,vachti has not got a scientific mind1 so he can't make even a wild guess at what has happened4 ,he don't believe in the elixir anyhow1 and of course he wouldn't know that ,i had set out to make it4 ,so never in a million years will he hit on the facts4 ,jode goes inside the house and puts on the sailor pants and a sweater1 and leaves the blanket as a memento4 ,they put us on the yacht and take us back to the mainland1 ,jode holding aloof because of the likelihood of committing mayhem if ,i come in arm's reach4 ,i go look at the yacht's engines4 ,i observe that the ,prof is on board1 white as a sheet and trembling4 ,he does not really believe he is reprieved4 ,but he is4 ,we get to the dock and go ashore4 ,jode ain't even polite enough to say ,thanks for our ride4 ,we march away from the dock4 ,a dog comes up1 looking cordial2 our pooch hasty gets on friendly terms and the two of them disappear up a side street4 ,i don't care4 ,i have ,jode wait for me in a dark place1 and ,i get some of my clothes outa the hotel2 then ,i get the car1 and we go get the suitcase outa the airport terminal4 ,we salvage the baggage-check outa ,jode's pants-pocket1 and beat it the hell away from there4 ,jode's mad is one of those steaming ones which one word let out will result in an explosion4 ,there is hardly a word exchanged until we get to the next town and ,i have pulled up at its swankiest hotel4 ,then ,i get out of the car and ,i say3 ,well1 so-long1 ,jode6 ,no1 you don't6 pants ,jode1 grabbing me4 ,we got to settle this6 ,you got to do something about it6 ,you come along6 ,we register1 getting rooms next to each other4 ,jode comes in my room1 boiling1 and sits down grim4 ,the seat ain't comfortable4 ,then ,i blink4 ,jode is removing large1 thick packages of banknotes--folding money--from the hip pockets of the sailor pants4 ,they go on the table4 ,they are impressive4 ,where'd that come from8 ,i ask1 trying to postpone things4 ,mr4 ,vachti1 says ,jode1 grim1 was all set to pay fifty grand just to see proof that the elixir of youth worked4 ,he told the ,prof that4 ,he taunted him with it4 ,he waved the cash in front of his face and repeated1 sneering1 that he was ready to pay it just to see proof4 ,well--,i'm proof1 of a sort4 ,he saw me4 ,so when ,i went in the house to put on these clothes ,i stopped by where he'd locked it up4 ,i'm entitled to it4 ,but--you ,buck6 ,how did this happen to me8 99 99 99 99 99 ,i feel very much embarrassed but ,i have got it figured out more or less4 ,i say1 uncomfortable3 ,well-l-l1 ,jode1 ,i says1 ,i guess it was because there ain't any real mandrake in ,america4 ,ashes of mandrake was called for1 and ,i couldn't get any1 so ,i hunted up a weed that is right much like mandrake4 ,may-apple is what they call it4 ,i used that4 ,it's a close cousin1 but it musta lacked one of those catalysts or anticatalysts real mandrake woulda had-- ,jode grabs me and shakes hard4 ,what happened6 ,and how is it gonna be fixed8 ,reluctant1 ,i haul a notebook outa my pocket4 ,i open up to where ,i copied old ,hermes ,trismigestus' formula for making the elixir of youth4 ,look1 ,i say4 ,the formula is headed1 ,to ,make an ,olde ,manne a ,youthe ,againe4 ,it gives the directions ,i tried to follow4 ,i--uh--,i guess the answer is in this here last paragraph ,i come close to not copying at all4 ,uh--it says at the end1 ,to ,make an ,aged ,crone into a ,younge ,damsel3 the formula is ye same1 excepte ye ashe of mandrake is to bee lefte oute4 ,jode whacks me4 ,hard4 ,wow6 ,to be fair1 ,i guess1 ,i'd ha' done the same4 ,but--anyway1 ,jode and me have a right nice cottage1 now1 and ,i got a pretty good private experimental laboratory in it1 and ,i'm working on the problem of adjusting matters in a more nearly normal way4 ,jode ain't been after me so much lately1 though4 ,it looks what you might call a sort of change of viewpoint is developing4 ,jode always did go in for fancy clothes1 and the opportunity and cash for fancy clothes are on the job4 ,jode dresses magnificent1 and is kind of looking the world over from a new viewpoint4 ,the new viewpoint gets more tolerable as time goes on4 ,i am treated with a certain amount of respect and--like ,i said--,i got a swell laboratory4 ,i pass for ,jode's brother4 ,jode seems to treat me like a kid brother1 too4 ,she gets mad as hell when ,i tell her she uses too much make-up4