,,book ,,of ,,etiquette ,illustration ,illustration3 ,photo by ,george ,h4 ,davis1 ,jr4 ,courtesy of the ,woman's ,home ,companion4 ,,ready ,,for ,,tea ,the tea table should never be cluttered with a lot of things which the hostess does not need ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette ,,by ,,lillian ,,eichler ,,volume ,,ii ,,illustrated ,,nelson ,,doubleday1 ,,inc4 ,,oyster ,,bay1 ,n4 ,y4 #aibb ,,copyright1 #aiba1 ,,by ,,nelson ,,doubleday1 ,,inc4 ,,all ,,rights ,,reserved1 ,,including ,,that ,,of ,,translation ,,into ,,foreign ,,languages1 ,,including ,,the ,,scandinavian ,,printed ,,in ,,the ,,united ,,states ,,at ,,the ,,country ,,life ,,press1 ,,garden ,,city1 ,n4 ,y4 ,,contents ,,part ,,iii ,,chapter ,,page ,i4 ,,servants #a ,the ,servant in the ,household--,a ,word to the ,mistress--,a ,word to the ,servant--,how to ,address ,servants--,the ,child and the ,servant--,the ,invisible ,barrier--,when the ,servant ,speaks--,the ,servants of a ,big ,house--,the ,butler--,correct ,dress for the ,butler--,the ,second ,man--,the ,chauffeur--,duties of the ,chauffeur--,the ,valet--,the ,page--,the ,maid-,servants--,lady's ,maid--,the ,nurse-,maid--,duties of ,house-,maid--,in ,conclusion4 ,,ii4 ,,dinners #bc ,about the ,american ,hostess--,planning the ,formal ,dinner--,arranging the ,table--,starting at the ,center--,some ,important ,details--,table ,etiquette--,table ,service--,use of the ,napkin--,the ,spoon at the ,dinner ,table--,the ,fork and ,knife--,finger ,foods--,table ,accidents--,the ,hostess--,when the ,guests ,arrive--,the ,successful ,hostess--,the ,guest--,comments on ,food--,second ,helpings--,the ,menu--,special ,entertainment--,when to ,leave--,taking ,leave--,inviting a ,stop-,gap--,simple ,dinners--,inviting ,congenial ,guests--,when ,there are no ,servants--,hotel ,dinners--,dress for ,dinner4 ,,iii4 ,,luncheons #dh ,purpose of the ,luncheon--,informal ,luncheons--,about the ,table--,the ,formal ,luncheon--,the ,table for the ,formal ,luncheon--,hostess and ,guest--,formal and ,informal ,breakfasts--,dress for ,luncheons and ,breakfasts4 ,,iv4 ,,teas ,,and ,,other ,,entertainments #ef ,evolution of the ,afternoon ,tea--,the ,simpler ,tea--,the ,formal ,tea--,the ,tea-,table--,dress at ,tea ,time--,the ,garden ,party--,receiving the ,guests--,on the ,lawn--,dress for ,garden ,parties and ,lawn ,festivals--,woman's ,garden ,costume--,the ,man at the ,garden ,party--,house ,parties--,sending the ,invitation--,when the ,guests ,arrive--,entertaining at the ,house ,party--,hostess and ,guests at the ,house ,party--,tipping the ,servants4 ,v4 ,,when ,,the ,,bachelor ,,entertains #gf ,when the ,bachelor is ,host--,welcoming the ,guests--,the ,bachelor's ,dinner--,tea at a ,bachelor ,apartment--,the ,bachelor ,dance--,theater ,parties--,yachting ,parties4 ,,vi4 ,,musicales ,,and ,,private ,,theatricals #hc ,preparations for the ,musicale--,the ,afternoon ,musicale--,the ,evening ,musicale--,card ,parties at the ,musicale--,duties of ,guests at ,musicales--,dress at the ,musicale--,arranging ,private ,theatricals--,the ,players--,the ,guests--,host and ,hostess4 ,,vii4 ,,dancing #ia ,dancing as a ,healthful ,art--,dance-,giving ,no ,longer a ,luxury--,the ,debut ,dance--,costume ,balls--,subscription ,dances--,the ,ballroom--,music at the ,dance--,dance ,programs--,dinner ,dances--,dressing ,rooms--,the ,dance--,when the ,lady is ,asked to ,dance--,cutting ,in--,dancing ,positions--,when the ,guest ,does ,not ,dance--,public ,dances--,a ,plea for ,dancing--,the ,charm of ,dress in ,dancing--,at the ,afternoon ,dance--,gentlemen at the ,dance--,dress for the ,ball--,dress of the ,debutante--,wraps at the ,ball--,ball ,dress for ,men--,for the ,simple ,country ,dance4 ,,viii4 ,,games ,,and ,,sports #aad ,why the ,world ,plays--,fair ,play--,indoor ,games--,chess--,bridge--,billiards and ,croquet--,outdoor ,games--,lawn ,tennis--,golf--,some ,important ,rules about ,golf--,football--,automobile ,etiquette--,automobile ,parties--,riding--,bathing--,sports--,c lothes in ,general4 ,,part ,,iv ,i4 ,,speech #ace ,conversation--,the ,charm of ,correct ,speech--,courtesy in ,conversation--,the ,voice--,ease in ,speech--,local ,phrases and ,mannerisms--,importance of ,vocabulary--,interrupting the ,speech of ,others--,tact in ,conversation--,some ,important ,information--,what to ,talk ,about4 ,,ii4 ,,dress #adg ,the ,first ,impression--,men's ,dress--,women's ,dress--,the ,story of ,dress--,the ,dawn of ,fashion--,the ,fashions of ,to-day--,harmony in ,dress--,importance of ,color--,the ,charm of ,personality--,gaudiness versus ,good ,taste--,extravagance the ,greatest ,vulgarity--,inappropriateness in ,clothes--,the ,eccentric ,dresser--,comfort in ,clothes--,if ,one is ,not ,average--,tall and ,short ,people--,the ,well-,dressed ,woman--,not a ,slave to ,fashion--,the ,well-,dressed ,man--,the ,charm of ,old ,age--,the ,elderly ,woman--,imitation and ,over-,dressing--,the ,older ,gentleman--,a ,trip to the ,south--,for the ,gentleman4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,business ,,woman #agg ,woman in the ,business ,world--,self-,confidence--,the ,slattern--,following the ,fashions--,gaudy ,attraction--,the ,business ,suit--,the ,business ,dress and ,coat--,an ,appeal to ,business ,women4 ,,iv4 ,,on ,,the ,,street #ahe ,the ,true ,etiquette--,poise in ,public--,the ,charm of ,courtesy--,ladies and ,gentlemen--,when to ,bow in ,public--,walking in ,public--,stopping for a ,chat--,when ,accidents ,happen--,accepting ,courtesies from ,strangers--,raising the ,hat--,how to ,raise the ,hat--,in the ,street ,car--,entering the ,car--,in the ,taxicab--,some ,social ,errors4 ,v4 ,,at ,,the ,,theater ,,and ,,the ,,opera #bja ,dress at the ,theater and ,opera--,entering the ,theater--,arriving ,late--,about ,wraps--,order of ,precedence--,before the ,play--,when the ,curtain is ,drawn--,during the ,performance--,the ,offending ,hat--,applause--,during ,intermission--,leaving the ,theater4 ,,vi4 ,,hotel ,,etiquette #baj ,at the ,hotel--,the ,woman ,guest--,receiving ,masculine ,guests--,making ,friends at the ,hotel--,how to ,register--,in the ,public ,dining-,room--,hotel ,stationery--,regarding the ,servants--,leaving the ,hotel4 ,,vii4 ,,travel ,,etiquette #bai ,the ,restless ,urge of ,travel--,the ,customs of ,countries--,the ,traveler's ,wardrobe--,in the ,train--,in the ,sleeping ,car--,train ,courtesy--,the ,woman ,traveler--,the ,woman who ,travels with an ,escort--,in the ,dining-,car--,children on the ,train--,in the ,taxicab--,bon ,voyage ,gifts--,on ,board the ,ship--,courtesy of the ,ship--,the ,woman ,crossing the ,ocean--,a ,concert at ,sea--,at the ,journey's ,end--,at ,hotel and ,restaurant--,at ,tea-,room and ,roof-,garden--,to ,those ,who ,love to ,travel4 ,,viii4 ,,tipping #bcg ,an ,un-,american ,custom--,lavish ,tipping--,in ,dining-,room or ,dining-,car--,at the ,hotel--,the ,taxi-,driver--,on the ,train--,crossing the ,ocean--,tips in ,foreign ,countries4 ,,ix4 ,,etiquette ,,abroad #bdd ,the ,american in ,foreign ,countries--,on ,english ,soil--,addressing ,royalty--,other ,english ,titles--,and ,still ,other ,titles--,addressing ,clergy ,abroad--,lawyers1 ,statesmen and ,officials--,how to ,address ,them--,at the ,court of ,england--,what to ,wear to ,court--,the ,king's ,levees--,in ,france--,addressing ,titled ,people in ,france--,certain ,french ,conventions--,dinner ,etiquette--,french ,wedding ,etiquette--,balls--,about ,calls and ,cards--,correspondence--,the ,american in ,germany--,the ,perfect ,american ,tourist4 ,,appendix #bfe ,foreign ,words in ,frequent ,social ,usage4 ,,list ,,of ,,illustrations ,,ready ,,for ,,tea ,frontispiece ,,page ,,table ,,set ,,for ,,dinner #cb ,,the ,,punch ,,table #aab ,,the ,,buffet ,,lunch #bjh ,,part ,,iii ,repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman1--repose in energy4 ,the ,greek battle pieces are calm2 the heroes1 in whatever violent actions engaged1 retain a serene aspect2 as we say of ,niagara1 that it falls without speed4 ,a cheerful1 intelligent face is the end of culture1 and success enough4 ,for it indicates the purpose of nature and wisdom attained4 --,emerson4 ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette ,,chapter ,i ,,servants ,,the ,,servant ,,in ,,the ,,household ,a mouse can look at a king1 but a king won't often look at a mouse says the old proverb4 ,which is1 sadly enough1 the state of affairs between servants and mistresses in many households4 ,a great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity of servants are inferior4 ,but in most cases1 it is those who place servants on a lower plane who are themselves inferior4 ,we owe those who take a part in the household affairs of our homes1 more than the wages we pay them4 ,we owe them gratitude1 courtesy1 kindness4 ,many elaborate dinners would be failures if it were not for the silent members of our households4 ,many formal entertainments would be impossible without their help4 ,they hold a certain place of importance in the home--and it should be recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy and respect4 ,for those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with domestic tasks1 it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of servants be thoroughly known and understood4 ,and those who serve as butlers and maids and valets must also know the little rules of good conduct that govern their duties and responsibilities4 ,the information contained in the following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and the mistress1 and we hope that both will find it valuable4 ,a ,,word ,,to ,,the ,,mistress ,in the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the hostess holds many formal social functions1 servants are essential4 ,every family that can afford to do so1 should have one1 or two1 or more servants according to social requirements and the appointments of the house4 ,they should be well instructed in their duties and they should be expected to carry them out faultlessly4 ,untidy1 noisy1 ill-trained servants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself4 ,the most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency4 ,here different types of men and women can be found1 and the mistress of the household may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her requirements4 ,sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the recommendation of some other housekeeper4 ,this method is usually more satisfactory than any other because it puts things on a rather friendly basis from the start4 ,but whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through an agency1 it is important that it be clearly understood from the beginning just what his or her duties will be4 ,and the mistress should not engage a servant unless she feels sure that he will be able to fill the position satisfactorily1 for it is both an expensive and provoking process to change servants frequently4 ,the first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant4 ,the mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to make the newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings4 ,her directions should be requests1 not commands1 and she should overlook blunders for they may be the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household and its customs4 ,after the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month1 the mistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties correctly4 ,but we are all human1 and we all make mistakes4 ,when a servant blunders through carelessness a reprimand may be necessary1 but to scold in loud1 angry tones is most ill-mannered4 ,the well-bred woman will never forget that there is as much demand for courtesy and kindliness in her relations with her servants as in any other relation in which she is placed4 ,there is absolutely no reason why please and thank you should be omitted when we speak to the people who live in our homes and labor for our comfort and happiness4 ,a ,,word ,,to ,,the ,,servant ,among real ,americans1 with their democratic views1 there can be no objection to the word servant4 ,it is a noun1 a name1 to denote people in a certain occupation2 just as brokers and salesmen and housewives denote certain people in other occupations4 ,therefore the servants who read these sentences1 and the women who have servants in their households1 should interpret the word in the spirit it is written--that of true ,american courtesy and respect4 ,domestic service requires a certain character lacking in most other professions4 ,as a servant1 you care for the things of others and it should be done with as much attention and regard as if they were your own4 ,you attend to your duties day after day1 persisting in work which may sometimes become monotonous and which would be easy enough to shirk1 but which you do for the comfort and pleasure of your mistress4 ,you find yourself in the position of keeping other people's property attractive1 putting other people's visitors at ease and being economical with other people's money4 ,and we repeat again that it requires a certain high stamp of character that is not found in most professions4 ,tidiness is very important in both men and women servants4 ,the maid who serves at the dinner table must wear a fresh new blouse and a crisp apron4 ,soiled finger-nails or unclean hands are inexcusable4 ,the well-trained servant presents always an immaculate1 well-groomed appearance4 ,it hardly seems necessary to mention that the servant must be scrupulously honest4 ,perhaps1 in their capacity in the home1 they are exposed to unusual temptations--but that is just the reason why they should refrain from dishonesty of any kind1 even the slightest lie4 ,gossip about the family life of the people they are serving should also be avoided by servants4 ,the servant should remember that whether she be maid or mistress1 she can be cultured4 ,the well-bred1 well-trained maid is never sullen or perverse4 ,nor is her manner servile or haughty4 ,she is respectful to her employers1 but she does not cringe4 ,she does her duties carefully1 conscientiously and thoroughly1 and she carries out the commands of her mistress without question4 ,if1 however1 a maid thinks that a certain task could be done much more quickly and satisfactorily in another way1 she may suggest it to her mistress and request her permission to do it in that way4 ,if she is reprimanded for a mistake1 she should not become rude or angry1 but remain calm and answer quietly4 ,it will not be long before her mistress1 if she is the right sort of mistress1 recognizes her superior qualities1 her good manners and conscientious work1 and will respond by treating her in like manner4 ,undue familiarity from the maid is not to be countenanced4 ,but many times a certain understanding friendliness develops between a faithful maid and a kind and courteous mistress--a friendship in which rigid class distinctions are not sufficient to form a barrier4 ,let those of us who are servants remember that it is only in helping others that true happiness is found1 and that the world is quick to recognize and reward true1 loyal1 sincere service4 ,,how ,,to ,,address ,,servants ,household servants are usually addressed by their first names4 ,it is indeed bad form to address a servant by some abbreviated nickname1 such as ,lizzy for ,elizabeth or ,maggie for ,margaret4 ,the full first name should be used4 ,a pleasant ,good morning1 ,margaret1 starts the day right1 both for the mistress and the maid4 ,in ,england the surname is preferred but they do not have to contend with all the foreign importations in the way of names that we have here in ,america4 ,it is certainly better to call ,john ,soennichsen ,john1 than to use his surname4 ,a butler or chauffeur is usually addressed by his surname unless he is a man who has served the family for many years4 ,the golden rule of ,thank you is just as golden when it applies to our servants4 ,it is only the extremely discourteous man or woman who will address servants in a peremptory1 rude tone4 ,and it is especially ill-bred and unkind to be overbearing to servants in the presence of guests1 or to scold one servant in the presence of another4 ,,the ,,child ,,and ,,the ,,servant ,insolence to servants on the part of children is as much a reflection on the manners of the parents1 as it is upon the breeding of the children4 ,the child that hears the servants addressed in rude1 haughty manner will quite naturally adopt the same manner towards them4 ,and no one1 child or adult1 can be considered well-bred unless he or she is courteous and kind to everyone1 especially to those whose social position is inferior4 ,in the park1 recently1 a little tot of six years or thereabouts had a bag of peanuts which she offered to two little playmates and also to their mother who was sitting near by4 ,seeing that she did not offer her governess some peanuts1 the woman inquired1 ,why don't you offer ,miss ,taylor some8 ,to which the youngster immediately replied1 ,oh1 she's only my governess4 ,this is the result of wrong principle in the home4 ,no child is born a snob4 ,no child is born haughty and arrogant4 ,it is the home environment and the precedent of the parents that makes such vain1 unkind little children as the one mentioned above4 ,it is actually unfair to the young children in the home to set the wrong example by being discourteous to the servants4 ,they will only have to fight1 later1 to conquer the petty snobbishness that stands between them and their entrance into good society4 ,,the ,,invisible ,,barrier ,in the sixteenth century ,french women servants were arrested and placed in prison for wearing clothes similar to those worn by their superiors4 ,it developed that they had made the garments themselves1 copying them from the original models1 sometimes sitting up all night to finish the garment4 ,but the court ruled that it made no difference whether they had made them themselves or not2 they had worn clothes like their mistresses'1 and they must be punished6 ,we very much wiser people of the twentieth century smile when we read of these ridiculous edicts of a long-ago court--but we placidly continue to condemn the shop-girl and the working-girl if she dares to imitate ,parisienne importations4 ,it is very often the same in the household4 ,we ridicule the class systems of other countries1 yet we deliberately build up a barrier between ourselves and those who work for us4 ,perhaps there must be some such barrier to keep the social equilibrium2 but is there any reason why it should be unkind and discourteous8 ,the mistress should not1 of course1 confide in her servants1 gossip with them1 discuss her affairs with them1 enter their quarrels and take sides with them4 ,but she can be cheerful1 polite1 considerate2 and invariably she will find that this kind of treatment will bring an immediate response--even from the most sullen servant4 ,,when ,,the ,,servant ,,speaks ,in answering the mistress or master of the household1 it is customary for the servant to say1 ,yes1 madam1 or1 ,yes1 sir4 ,old servants1 who have been for many years in the employ of the same people1 may omit the madam and use the name1 in this manner1--,yes1 ,mrs4 ,brown4 ,such slovenly expressions as ,no'm or ,yessir show lack of good training on the part of the servant1 and poor judgment on the part of the mistress4 ,brevity and civility are the two most important virtues of the speech of the man or maid servant who answers inquiries at the door1 admits guests and takes messages4 ,in the latter case1 when a servant takes a message for one of the members of the household1 a polite ,thank you1 madam is essential4 ,if there is a doubt as to whether or not the hostess is at home1 the well-trained servant admits the visitor1 asks her to have a seat1 and says1 ,i will inquire4 ,he returns to say either that ,madam is not at home1 or that she will be down directly4 ,when announcing guests1 the butler should ask1 ,what name1 please8 not in the indifferent1 sing-song manner so characteristic of butlers1 but in a cordial1 polite tone of voice1 and with a genial smile4 ,having been given the names of the visitors1 he announces them in clear1 distinct tones4 ,these announcements are made while the guests are entering the drawing-room4 ,a mother and two daughters are announced as3 ,mrs4 ,smith1 the ,misses ,smith4 ,if the given names of the young ladies are called1 the form of announcement is3 ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,miss ,smith1 ,miss ,alice ,smith1 the eldest daughter of a family being given the privilege to use the title ,miss ,smith4 ,in announcing a gentleman and his son1 the butler says3 ,mr4 ,blank1 ,mr4 ,francis ,blank4 ,,the ,,servants ,,of ,a ,,big ,,house ,the small household must choose servants according to convenience and requirements4 ,where there are three or four grown-up daughters and the home is a small one1 one maid and one butler are sufficient4 ,but in a very large house with numerous rooms1 where many social functions are held and many house parties are given by the hostess a full corps of servants is required4 ,each one should have certain1 definite tasks to perform every day4 ,in the luxurious ,american home1 seven servants are usually employed4 ,they are a butler1 a chauffeur1 a parlor maid1 a cook1 a laundress1 a nurse-maid and a chamber-maid4 ,a lady's maid and a valet are sometimes added4 ,a footman1 laundry-maid and scullery-maid are also added1 sometimes1 to the corps of servants4 ,but this list may be increased or diminished according to the requirements of the individual family4 ,for instance1 a second-man may be placed under the direction of the butler2 a gardener and his assistants may be charged with the care of the environs2 while grooms may be employed to care for the horses in the stables4 ,but usually these additional servants are the luxuries of the extremely wealthy and should not be indulged in by those who cannot afford them4 ,in the home where there are several men servants and several women servants1 it is the best plan for the wife to supervise the duties and responsibilities of the women1 leaving the men to be directed by her husband4 ,it is important1 though1 for the mistress of the house not to give counter commands to servants who are under her husband's supervision1 for this may cause a friction that is not conducive to the best service on the part of the help4 ,,the ,,butler ,the duties of the butler confine him to the drawing-room and dining-room4 ,the dining-room1 however1 is his particular domain2 he sees that everything is in order1 that the table is laid correctly1 the lighting effect satisfactory1 the flowers arranged1 and in short that the room and appointments are in perfect readiness for a punctual meal4 ,in this work a parlor maid assists him by sweeping and dusting1 and a pantry-maid helps him by keeping everything immaculate and in readiness in the pantry4 ,the butler serves at breakfast1 luncheon and dinner4 ,where there is a second-man1 he may assist the butler with the serving at dinner2 and at large entertainments the maid who assists in the pantry may also be requested to serve4 ,the butler also is in charge of the afternoon-tea duties1 in homes where this custom prevails4 ,he brings in the tray1 arranges it for the hostess and sees that everyone is served4 ,where there are only a few servants1 the butler may be expected to help with the dishes1 polish the silver and assist in the pantry4 ,but if there are maid servants1 and a second-man to do the heavier work1 then he is expected to serve in a small measure as the valet for the master of the house4 ,he lays out his evening clothes1 brushes and presses the garments worn in the morning1 and draws his bath4 ,sometimes1 when his domestic duties are very light1 the butler is requested to serve as footman to the mistress when she goes riding in the afternoon4 ,an important duty of the butler is to answer the door bell whenever it rings4 ,he must see that the front door and the hall is in order and well-swept1 and that the drawing-room door is locked every night after the family has retired4 ,a great deal of the comfort and pleasure of the family depends upon the manner in which the butler attends to his duties4 ,,correct ,,dress ,,for ,,the ,,butler ,neatness of attire is extremely important4 ,the butler should be clean-shaven1 and he should not fail to be fresh-shaven every day4 ,his hair should not be closely cropped1 but cut loosely1 and it should be well-brushed at all times4 ,well-kept nails are1 of course1 very important not only for the butler but for anyone who serves at the table or has anything to do with the food4 ,as nearly as possible1 the butler's costume should parallel the following description1 but each passing season finds some minor detail slightly changed1 and each new season finds a slight variation from the costume of the season before4 ,so the best thing to do is to find out definitely from a reliable clothier or from the men's furnishing department of a large department store1 just what the butler's costume of the present time consists of4 ,ordinarily1 the butler wears white linen in the morning1 with black or dark gray trousers1 a black waistcoast that buttons high1 and a swallow-tail coat4 ,it is also permissible for him to wear a short roundtail coat in the morning hours2 it is similar to the gentleman's tailless evening coat1 but it is not faced with silk4 ,a black or dark tie and black shoes complete the outfit1 which is worn until after the midday meal4 ,if guests are to be entertained at luncheon1 the butler wears his afternoon and evening livery4 ,otherwise he dons it only after luncheon or about three o'clock in the afternoon4 ,it consists of complete black evening dress similar in cut and style to that worn by gentlemen4 ,there are no braidings or facings1 though the material of the suit may be every whit as excellent in quality as that worn by the master of the house4 ,the butler does not wear a white waistcoat1 a watch chain1 or jeweled studs with his afternoon or evening livery4 ,nor may he wear a boutonniere or an assertive tie or patent leather shoes4 ,and it is extremely bad taste for him to use perfume of any kind4 ,he wears white linen with plain white studs in the shirt front1 a standing collar1 white lawn tie and plain black shoes4 ,his watch is slipped into his waistcoast pocket without chain or fob4 ,white gloves are no longer the custom for men servants in the private home4 ,when acting as footman to his mistress in the afternoon1 the butler wears the livery described for the second man4 ,in cold weather he is supplied with a long footman's coat2 and he is also supplied with a top hat and gloves1 all matching in color and style those worn by the chauffeur4 ,,the ,,second ,,man ,the second man may be employed exclusively for the house1 or he may be employed solely to serve as footman1 sitting next to the chauffeur when the mistress is motoring4 ,in the latter case he wears the regular livery matching that worn by the chauffeur4 ,but usually a second man is expected to help in the house besides serving as footman4 ,he assists the butler by answering the door bell whenever the other is busy or occupied elsewhere4 ,he washes dishes and windows and polishes the silver4 ,he tends to the open fireplace in winter1 and to the arranging of the flowers in the summer4 ,the veranda1 front steps and courtyard are also in his care4 ,and when there are guests for dinner1 or at a large entertainment1 he helps serve at the table4 ,the livery of the second man is the same indoors all day2 he does not change for the evening4 ,it consists of coat and trousers of one solid color determined by the heads of the house4 ,it is usually a very dark green1 brown1 gray or blue1 and the outside edge of the trouser leg is piped in some contrasting color4 ,the coat is usually swallow-tail in cut1 and is ornamented with brass or silver buttons on the tails1 on the cuffs and down the front4 ,lately this vogue of the brass and silver button is disappearing4 ,the color worn by the second man should be the predominating color worn by all the other liveried servants in the household4 ,it is certainly not good form to have the chauffeur wear one color of livery1 and the footman next to him wear livery of an entirely different color and cut4 ,with his livery described above1 the second man wears a waistcoat of ,valencia1 striped in the two colors that appear on the coat and trousers4 ,it is usually cut ,v shape1 disclosing white linen in which are fastened two plain white studs1 a standing collar1 and a white lawn tie4 ,when he serves as footman1 the second man may either be requested to don complete car livery1 or he may wear a long footman's overcoat1 top hat and gloves over his house livery4 ,a clean shaven face and well-brushed1 close-clipped hair are pleasing characteristics of the second man4 ,untidiness1 ill-kept hands and nails1 and the use of jewelry or perfume should not be tolerated in the second man1 whether he serves only as footman1 or in the house4 ,when he helps the butler at the dinner table1 he should be especially immaculate in appearance4 ,,the ,,chauffeur ,the gallant coachman of a decade ago has given way to the chauffeur of to-day4 ,but we find that his livery is no less important--it is governed by a very definite convention4 ,in winter1 for instance1 the chauffeur wears long trousers of melton or kersey or similar material and a double-breasted greatcoat of the same material4 ,the collar and cuffs may be of a contrasting color or of the same color as the rest of the material4 ,he wears a flat cap with a stiff visor and a band of the same contrasting color that appears on the collar and cuffs of the coat4 ,dark gloves and shoes are worn4 ,sometimes1 instead of long trousers1 the chauffeur wears knee-trousers with leather leggings4 ,if desired1 a double row of brass1 silver or polished horn buttons may decorate the front of the greatcoat1 but this must be determined by the prevailing custom4 ,if the weather is extremely cold1 the chauffeur should be provided with a long coat of goat or wolf-skin1 or some other suitable protection against the cold and wind4 ,during the summer months1 the chauffeur usually wears gray or brown cords1 developed in the conventional style4 ,his cap and gloves match4 ,,duties ,,of ,,the ,,chauffeur ,the complete care of the car or cars devolves upon the chauffeur4 ,he must see that it is always spotless and shining1 that it is in good condition and will not break down during a trip1 and that it is in readiness whenever the owners want to use it4 ,when the mistress goes motoring1 the chauffeur stands at the door of the car until she enters1 arranges the robes and sees that she is comfortable before taking his own place4 ,upon receiving her orders1 he touches the rim of his cap4 ,it is not necessary1 however1 upon reaching the destination for the chauffeur to descend and open the door for his mistress4 ,his place is at the wheel and that is where he remains4 ,but if there is a second man to assist the chauffeur1 who accompanies him on every trip as a motor footman1 he should descend and stand at attention while the mistress emerges from the car4 ,the footman dresses like the chauffeur4 ,he leaves cards when the mistress makes her social calls1 and he rings house bells for her4 ,he is also expected to be useful in performing personal service for the masculine members of the household4 ,very often it happens that a tourist1 instead of hiring a car and chauffeur when he reaches a strange country1 desires to take his own car and chauffeur with him4 ,he must be sure to arrange beforehand to have the man admitted to the foreign country1 for negligence may cause him much delay and trouble when he reaches the border-line4 ,he must also arrange for the sleeping and eating facilities of his chauffeur when they stop for a day or two in a town or village4 ,it is not right to expect him to eat with the servants1 nor will he wish to eat at the same table with his employer4 ,it is wisest to give him an allowance and permit him to eat and sleep where he pleases4 ,,the ,,valet ,the business of the valet is to attend to all the comforts and desires of the master of the house4 ,he takes no part in the general housework1 except in an emergency4 ,the valet does not wear livery4 ,indoors1 in the evening and during the day1 he wears dark gray or black trousers1 white linen1 a high-buttoned black waistcoat and a plain black swallow-tailed coat or one cut with short rounded tails4 ,he wears a dark tie and dull leather shoes4 ,he may also wear an inconspicuous pin in his tie and simple cuff-links2 but a display of jewelry is not permissible4 ,it may happen that a butler is ill or called away1 or that there is a shortage of servants during a large entertainment4 ,in this case the valet may be called upon to serve as a butler1 and he then wears complete butler's dress1 with the long-tailed coat4 ,when traveling with his employer1 the valet wears an inconspicuous morning suit of dark gray1 brown or blue tweed in the conventional style4 ,he completes this outfit with a black or brown derby hat and black leather shoes4 ,the duties of the valet are as follows3 he brushes1 presses1 cleans1 packs or lays out the clothes of his employer1 draws the water for his bath1 and assists him to dress4 ,he keeps his wardrobe in order and packs and unpacks his trunks whenever he is traveling4 ,he does all his errands1 buys his railway and steamship tickets1 pays his bills1 and carries his hand-luggage when they are traveling together4 ,sometimes he shaves him1 orders his clothes1 and writes his business letters4 ,but these duties are expected only of accomplished valets4 ,he does not1 however1 make the bed or sweep or dust his employer's room4 ,,the ,,page ,the page is a very convenient servant to have when there is no second-man or when there are no men-servants at all4 ,his duties are many and varied4 ,he runs errands for everyone in the house1 assists the parlor-maid1 looks after the open fire places and opens the door to callers4 ,sometimes he even serves as a sort of miniature footman1 sitting next to the chauffeur in complete footman livery4 ,the livery for the page boy is the same during the day and evening4 ,it is a simple1 neat coat and trousers of dark cloth piped with the contrasting livery color of the family in which he serves4 ,the coat fits the body snugly1 and ends at the waistline except for a slight point at back and front4 ,metal buttons set as closely together as possible fasten the coat from top to bottom4 ,the trousers are piped or braided in the contrasting color down the outside of the leg4 ,white linen should show at the wrists and above the high collar of the coat1 but there should be no tie4 ,black calf skin shoes complete the outfit1 and when the page is out of doors1 he wears a round cap to match his suit4 ,the bullet-shaped metal buttons down the front of the coat1 and three of the same buttons sewed on the outside seam of the cuffs1 have earned for the page the rather appropriate name of ,buttons4 ,,the ,,maid-,,servants ,whether there is only one maid-servant in the house1 or many1 their duties should be clearly defined and understood4 ,it is the only way to avoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves4 ,let each one understand from the very first day he begins work just what his duties are4 ,in this case as in many another an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure4 ,if there are quarrels among the servants the mistress should not interfere nor take sides4 ,if possible she should remove the cause of the friction1 and for a serious fault she should discharge the one that is causing the disturbance4 ,the services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor4 ,she serves breakfast1 luncheon and dinner1 and afternoon tea where it is the custom4 ,this is assuming1 however1 that there is no butler in the home4 ,in this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarily fall upon him4 ,she answers the door-bell1 polishes the silver1 helps with the washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid for each meal4 ,the parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth4 ,she is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to the drawing-room and dining-room1 assisting the waitress in the pantry and keeping the library and drawing-room in order4 ,but in the average comfortable home of ,america there are usually only two maids1 a housemaid and a waitress 7with perhaps the additional services of a cook7 and these two maids have the care of the dining1 living and bedrooms divided between them4 ,the dress of the house-maids is very much alike4 ,the waitress1 or parlor maid1 wears a plain1 light-colored dress in the morning with a rather large apron1 and a small white cap4 ,the chambermaid's costume is very much the same4 ,in the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to a black serge dress in winter1 or a black poplin in summer1 with white linen cuffs and collars and a small white apron4,a 7,see footnote47 ,a ,the costumes for maid-servants change frequently1 only in slight details1 but enough to warrant specific research at the time the servant is outfitted4 ,a large department store1 or a store devoted exclusively to the liveries of servants1 will be able to tell you exactly the correct costumes for maid-servants at the present time4 ,or you may find the desired information in a current housekeeping magazine4 ,the maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are on duty4 ,one very simple brooch1 or perhaps a pair of cuff links1 is permissible2 but bracelets1 rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste4 ,elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided1 and careless1 untidy dressing should never be countenanced4 ,,lady',s ,,maid ,the lady's maid does not take part in the general housework4 ,her duties are solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress1 to assist her at her toilette1 to draw her bath1 to lay out her clothes and keep her room tidy4 ,but she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these are the duties of the chamber-maid4 ,if she is an accomplished maid she will probably do a great deal of sewing1 and perhaps she will massage her mistress' hair and manicure her nails4 ,but these duties are not to be expected2 the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these things for her1 is indeed fortunate4 ,a black dress in winter1 and a black skirt and waist in summer1 worn with a small1 dainty white apron comprises the costume of the lady's maid4 ,stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is most desirable4 ,at the present time1 the tiny white cap formerly worn by lady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with4 ,when traveling with her mistress1 the lady's maid should wear only very simple and inconspicuous clothes4 ,a tweed suit worn with a neat blouse1 or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress1 is the best form4 ,anything gaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by polite society4 ,,the ,,nurse-,,maid ,the nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress4 ,she should always be faultlessly attired1 her hair neat and well-brushed1 her entire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness4 ,in the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavy material with a white apron and white collar and cuffs4 ,in warmer weather she wears linen or poplin with the apron and collar and cuffs4 ,outdoors1 she wears a long full cloak over her house dress4 ,,duties ,,of ,,house-,,maid ,the cook1 who is always dressed spotlessly in white1 does nothing outside the kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the contrary4 ,she keeps the kitchen tidy and clean1 cooks the meals1 helps with the dishes and perhaps attends to the furnace4 ,the waitress opens and airs the living-rooms1 dusts the rooms and gets everything in readiness for breakfast4 ,it is customary to excuse her as soon as the principal part of the breakfast has been served1 so that she may attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her breakfast by the time the family has finished4 ,however1 before she goes to her own breakfast1 she is expected to clear the dining-room table and take the dishes into the kitchen4 ,if the waitress does not help with the chamber-work1 this duty falls entirely upon the chamber-maid4 ,she must make the beds1 sweep and dust the bedrooms1 and keep them immaculate4 ,the mistress should inspect the chamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel that carelessness in details will be overlooked4 ,and the mistress should also take care of her own linen-closet1 unless she has a very trustworthy and competent servant2 for linens should be worn alike1 and not some worn constantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in a corner of the closet4 ,,in ,,conclusion ,a good servant--and by good we mean a man or woman who goes about duties cheerfully1 is respectful and willing1 who is neat1 well-mannered and well-trained--must be treated in the right manner if he or she is to remain such4 ,there are so many blunders the mistress can make1 so many mistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily a part of her household4 ,for instance1 a haughty1 arrogant manner towards a servant who is sensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her best work4 ,and on the other hand1 a servile manner towards a good servant one is afraid of losing1 encourages that servant to take liberties and become unduly familiar4 ,it is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant4 ,both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of human nature1 a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful4 ,both the servant and the mistress have their trials and troubles1 but they should remember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration1 an exacting attention to duties and responsibilities1 a wise supervision and a faithful service1 that harmony and happiness can be reached in the home4 ,and both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness is something worth-while striving for1 something worth-while being patient and persistent for4 ,there is an old proverb which literally translated means1 ,by the servant the master is known4 ,it is a good proverb for both the servant and the mistress to remember4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,dinners ,,about ,,the ,,american ,,hostess ,the greatest pride of the ,american hostess is her formal dinner4 ,and it is to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against the most aristocratic families of ,europe4 ,there is a story told of a well-known ,new ,york society matron who gave a formal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it1 no matter how trivial1 for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment to do so4 ,at one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturer was the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it is possible for a hostess to be4 ,especially was she proud of the delectable menu she had ordered prepared for the occasion4 ,but much to her chagrin1 she noticed that her distinguished guest was not eating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables1 and relishes and fruits4 ,she did not wish to appear rude1 but she could not wait until dinner was over before asking him why he was not eating4 ,i am a vegetarian1 he answered1 and ,i never indulge in meats4 ,the hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration4 ,here was an opportunity to give a unique dinner--and nothing could be more delightful for her4 ,a week later1 she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting their presence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the visiting lecturer4 ,this time it was a vegetarian dinner4 ,suffice to say that it was a huge success4 ,such is the hospitality of our ,american hostesses that they will concede to every whim and desire of their guests4 ,they must be pleased at all costs4 ,the dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a little happier than when he came--and incidentally a little better pleased with the person who happens to be giving the dinner4 ,,planning ,,the ,,formal ,,dinner ,first in importance1 of course1 is when shall the formal dinner be held8 ,any evening of the week may be selected--although ,sunday is rarely chosen4 ,the hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock4 ,invitations should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set for the dinner4 ,the hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether the invitations should be engraved on cards1 or hand-written on note paper4 ,the former is preferred for an elaborate dinner1 the latter for a small one4 ,it must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner1 that it is a breach of etiquette to invite a wife without her husband1 or the opposite4 ,a married couple must always be invited together4 ,if there are other members of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner1 separate invitations must be sent to them4 ,a dinner card is always addressed to a husband and wife1 and individually to single persons4 ,for the convenience of the host1 it is a point of courtesy for every recipient of an invitation to dinner1 to answer promptly4 ,a good rule is to decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be able to attend1 and follow it with a cordial answer within the next twenty-four hours4 ,if you find that you must refuse1 there must be a very good reason for doing so4 ,in planning the dinner party1 the hostess must go over her list of friends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be most congenial together4 ,the number may even be as low as four1 and while there can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite1 there must never be more than the hostess can handle easily4 ,if the guests are chosen carefully1 with a regard for their likes and dislikes1 the dinner is bound to be a happy one4 ,,arranging ,,the ,,table ,to set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself4 ,the appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight4 ,services are of silver and china is of the finest4 ,both the square or round table are appropriate1 the latter being the most popular since it is easier to make attractive4 ,a mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is first spread on the table4 ,over this comes the snowy1 linen table-cover1 falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touching the floor4 ,a place is laid for each guest4 ,the most fashionable method is to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table1 and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests4 ,a centerpiece of glass1 china1 silver1 is usually used1 over the doily or without it1 and on top of this flowers4 ,delicate ferns are sometimes used instead of flowers1 although roses 7hot-house roses when no others are obtainable7 are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner4 ,,starting ,,at ,,the ,,center ,when the center ornament has been adjusted1 it may be used as a mathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments4 ,candlesticks1 either of silver or bronze1 are artistic when placed at equal distance around the flowers4 ,they diffuse a soft light upon the table1 and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories1 they invoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging4 ,it is one of the charms of candlelight--this power to bring up pleasant reminiscences4 ,between these stately guardians of the floral centerpiece may be placed small dishes containing preserved ginger1 macaroons or bon-bons4 ,salt-cellars and pepper-boxes are next located on the table1 and the places are laid for the guests4 ,the proper number of forks is placed to the left4 ,the knives and spoons are placed at the right4 ,they are placed in the order in which they are to be used4 ,not more than three forks should ever appear on the table at one time4 ,if others are needed they should be placed with their respective courses4 ,a small square of bread1 or a roll1 is in the center1 covered with the folded napkin1 and a little to the left are the several glasses4 ,care must be taken in arranging the dinner table to have both sides balanced4 ,there is an old maxim that says1 ,there must be a use for everything and this holds especially true of the table of good taste4 ,it must not be littered with useless articles1 no matter how artistic or odd1 for they hamper the movements of the guests and make things unnecessarily crowded4 ,butter rarely appears on the table at the formal dinner2 and condiments are brought in by the servant only as they are needed4 ,,some ,,important ,,details ,menu-cards are no longer used at the formal dinner1 unless it is in celebration of some auspicious occasion and honored guests are present4 ,in this case1 the hostess has the menus printed or engraved in a delicate script and has one placed beside the plate of each guest4 ,a favorite fashion is to have them printed in ,french4 ,sometime one of these cards serves for two guests1 although the hostess who takes a pride in her dinners will provide each guest with one1 as it serves as an appropriate souvenir of the occasion4 ,the lighting effect of the dining-room is important4 ,instead of the candles on the table there may be an electric cluster high above the table1 or small candle-power electric lights on the walls4 ,these latter produce a soft effect which is most pleasing4 ,glaring lights of any kind should be avoided4 ,candles and electric lights should never be used in conjunction4 ,there is nothing more conducive to thorough enjoyment of an evening1 to the thorough enjoyment of a menu1 than when table and appointments are perfect and artistically simple4 ,the hostess should give as much time and thought to the preparation and arrangement of the table1 as she does to the planning of the menu4 ,she will find that her guests will appreciate novel lighting effects1 surprising color tones1 unusual serving innovations4 ,and she will find that a correctly laid table will add surprisingly to the entire success of her dinner party4 ,,table ,,etiquette ,the importance of correct table etiquette cannot be over-emphasized4 ,nothing is more vulgar1 than clumsy1 awkward movements at the table1 and it is certainly a sign of ill-breeding deliberately to fail to act in accordance with the rules of table etiquette4 ,the rules of dinner etiquette should be studied carefully and just as carefully followed1 if one wishes to be--and everyone does--a lady or a gentleman4 ,perhaps the most important thing is one's bearing at table4 ,very often you see a seemingly cultured gentleman in a hotel dining-room or restaurant playing with the table silver or absent-mindedly clinking glasses together4 ,this may be overlooked in the restaurant1 but at a formal dinner it is essentially bad form4 ,when the hands are not being used1 they should rest quietly in the lap--never should the elbows be rested on the table4 ,the chair should be neither too near nor too far from the table2 both are ungraceful and awkward4 ,,table ,,service ,the dinner napkin is from twenty to twenty-four inches across4 ,it is folded square unless the table is somewhat crowded1 when it may be folded diagonally 7after having been folded square7 so as to give more space around the board4 ,if the napkins are monogrammed the monogram should be placed so as to be in plain view4 ,at a formal dinner the first course is on the table when the guests enter the dining-room4 ,it consists of oysters1 a canape1 a fruit cocktail1 grapefruit or something else of the same kind4 ,oysters on the half-shell are served bedded in crushed ice in a soup plate4 ,this is placed on the service plate4 ,a cocktail is served in a cocktail glass which is placed on a doily-covered plate which in turn is placed on the service plate4 ,the silver for the first course may be on the table beside the soup spoon or it may be served with the course4 ,the waiter removes the first course entirely before the soup is placed4 ,he stands at the left of each guest and removes the plates with his left hand4 ,the soup in soup plates 7not in a tureen7 is placed on the service plates and when this course is over service plates as well as soup plates are removed and the entree is served4 ,if the plates for it are empty they are placed with the right hand but if the entree is already on them they are placed with the left4 ,if empty plates are supplied the waiter passes the entree on a platter held on a folded napkin on his left hand1 using his right hand to help balance it4 ,each guest serves himself4 ,at the conclusion of this course the plates are removed and empty warm plates placed for the meat course4 ,the meat should be carved before it is brought to the table and after the waiter has served each person he serves the vegetables4 ,if there is only one waiter it is more convenient to have the vegetables placed on the table in large vegetable dishes from which each guest serves himself4 ,after the vegetables have gone around once they are removed but they may be passed once or twice again before the conclusion of the meal4 ,the salad follows4 ,it may be served on each plate 7and this is surely the more artistic way7 or it may be served from a platter4 ,after the salad the table is cleared of all plates that have been in use1 of salt and pepper shakers or cellars and is crumbed before the dessert is brought in4 ,usually the dessert which is nearly always ice-cream or something else frozen is served in individual dishes4 ,small cakes are passed with it4 ,other desserts besides ice-cream are served in much the same way4 ,when the dessert has been removed1 finger-bowls half filled with water and placed on a small doily-covered plate are set before each person4 ,coffee may be served at the table but it is more often served in the drawing-room4 ,,use ,,of ,,the ,,napkin ,what can be more unsightly than a napkin tucked carefully in the top of one's waistcoat8 ,and still1 how often one sees it done among men who believe that they are impressively well-bred6 ,the proper way to use a napkin1 whether it is at a formal dinner1 or in a restaurant1 is to unfold it only half1 leaving the center fold as it is1 and lay it across the knees4 ,it may be used constantly during the meal1 whenever the guest finds need for it1 but it must never be completely unfolded4 ,when rising from the table1 the napkin is placed as it is on the table4 ,it is never folded again into its original form1 as that would be an assumption on the part of the guest that the hostess would use it again before laundering4 ,a reprehensible habit is to drop the napkin carelessly into the finger-bowl1 or over the coffee cup4 ,it should be laid on the table1 at the right of the finger-bowl4 ,,the ,,spoon ,,at ,,the ,,dinner ,,table ,spoons are used when eating grapefruit and other fruits served with cream4 ,jellies1 puddings1 custards1 porridges1 preserves and boiled eggs are always eaten with spoons4 ,also1 of course1 soup1 bouillon1 coffee and tea4 ,in the case of the three latter beverages1 however1 the spoon is used only to stir them once or twice and to taste them to see that they are of the desired temperature4 ,it is never allowed to stand in the cup while the beverage is being drunk4 ,nor is it permissible to draw up a spoonful of soup or coffee and blow upon it2 one must wait until it is sufficiently cooled of itself4 ,in taking soup1 the correct way to use the spoon is to dip it with an outward motion instead of drawing it towards one4 ,the soup is then imbibed from the side1 not the end4 ,,the ,,fork ,,and ,,knife ,in using the fork and knife1 one can display a pleasing grace1 or just the opposite--awkward clumsiness4 ,it depends entirely upon how well one knows and follows the correct rules4 ,the first rule to be remembered is that a knife is never used for any other purpose than cutting food4 ,it is unforgiveable to use a knife to convey food to the mouth--unforgiveable and vulgar4 ,the knife is held in the right hand and the fork in the left4 ,when the desired morsel of food is cut1 the knife is laid aside temporarily and the fork is shifted to the right hand4 ,the knife and fork should never be held in the same hand together1 and when not being used1 one or both of the utensils should rest on the plate4 ,they should never be allowed to rest against the edge of the plate with the handles on the table2 when one is through with both the knife and fork1 they should be placed entirely on the plate1 their tips touching at the center1 their handles resting against the edge4 ,they are never placed back again on the table4 ,the foods eaten with the fork are meats1 vegetables1 fish1 salads1 oysters and clams1 lobster1 ices1 frozen puddings and melons4 ,hearts of lettuce and lettuce leaves are folded up with the fork and conveyed uncut to the mouth4 ,if the leaves are too large to be folded conveniently1 they may be cut with the blunt edge of the fork--never with a knife4 ,,finger ,,foods ,various foods are eaten with the fingers instead of fork or spoon4 ,bread1 for instance1 is never cut but always broken into small pieces and lifted to the mouth with the fingers4 ,butter is seldom provided at the formal dinner1 but if it is1 each little piece of bread is buttered individually just before it is eaten4 ,crackers and cake are eaten in the same way2 although some cakes and pastries are eaten with the fork4 ,those that can be eaten daintily with the fingers such as macaroons1 lady-fingers1 cookies1 etc41 should be eaten so while layer cake and elaborate pastries should be eaten with the fork4 ,corn on the cob is without a doubt one of the most difficult foods to eat gracefully4 ,and yet it is too delicious to forego the pleasure of eating it at all4 ,it is entirely permissible to use the fingers in eating corn1 holding it lightly at each end2 sometimes a napkin is used in holding it4 ,many a foresighted hostess1 when serving corn on the cob1 provides each guest with a short1 keen1 steel-bladed knife with which the kernels may be cut from the cob easily4 ,this is by far the most satisfactory method4 ,illustration3 ,photo by ,bradley and ,merrill4 ,courtesy of the ,pictorial ,review4 ,,table ,,set ,,for ,,dinner ,the decoration in the center of the table should never be so high as to form an obstruction ,french artichokes are also difficult to eat4 ,the proper way is to break them apart1 leaf by leaf1 dip the tips in the sauce and lift them to the mouth with the fingers4 ,the heart is cut and eaten with a fork4 ,lobster claws may be pulled apart with the fingers4 ,shrimps also1 when served whole in their shells1 may be separated1 peeled and eaten with the fingers4 ,fruits such as oranges1 apples1 grapes1 peaches and plums are all eaten with the fingers4 ,celery1 radishes and olives are similarly eaten4 ,sometimes there are other relishes on the dinner table1 and the guest must use his common sense to determine whether they are eaten with the fork or fingers4 ,bonbons1 of course1 are always eaten with the fingers4 ,whenever fruits are served the finger-bowl should follow4 ,it is always used at the completion of the dinner4 ,the bowl is half filled with tepid water and set upon a plate4 ,a fragrant leaf may be added to the water4 ,the fingers are dipped lightly into the bowl1 one hand at a time1 and then dried on the napkin4 ,it is a mark of ill-breeding to splash the water about1 to put both hands into the bowl at once1 or to wet the entire palm of the hand4 ,only the finger tips should touch the water4 ,,table ,,accidents ,accidents will happen--at the dinner table as well as anywhere else4 ,the duty of the guest and the hostess both is to see that no confusion and embarrassment follows4 ,if a spoon or fork or napkin is dropped1 the proper thing to do is to allow the servant to pick it up2 the well-trained servant will not return it1 but place it aside and give the guest another one4 ,if a glass or cup is dropped and broken1 embarrassed apologies will not put it together again1 but a word of sincere regret to the hostess will relieve the awkwardness of the moment1 and will be as gratifying to her as profuse apologies4 ,if the article broken is a valuable one1 the guest may replace it by sending1 a day or two later1 another one as nearly like it as possible4 ,a cordial note of regret may accompany it4 ,sometimes a cup of coffee or a glass of water is overturned at the table4 ,this is1 of course1 a very serious and unpleasant accident1 but there is no necessity in making matters worse by fussing about it and offering several exaggerated apologies4 ,a simple word or two to the hostess will suffice2 but it is really quite important that one should be careful not to let an accident of this kind happen too often1 otherwise one will soon acquire the reputation of being a clumsy boor4 ,there is certainly no reason to feel embarrassed when an accident occurs at the dinner table--that is1 of course1 if it was not due to carelessness4 ,it is not the accident itself that will cause the guests and the hostess to consider one ill-bred1 but continued mention of it and many flustered apologies4 ,i am sorry or ,how careless of me6 are sufficient offers of regret--the matter should then be forgotten4 ,,the ,,hostess ,important indeed are the duties of the hostess1 for it is upon her that the ultimate success of the dinner depends4 ,it is not enough to send out the invitations1 plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of the table4 ,she must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for her guests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to leave4 ,the ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests1 one and all1 feel better satisfied with themselves and the world in general when they leave her home than they did when they arrived4 ,,when ,,the ,,guests ,,arrive ,the duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host and hostess4 ,they receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twenty minutes after the time mentioned in the invitations4 ,then1 even if there is still a guest or two missing1 it is customary for dinner to be served4 ,only on one occasion does this rule vary2 if the dinner is being held in honor of some celebrated guest1 it may not be served until he has arrived4 ,the hostess1 in inviting her guests1 should be sure that there is an equal number of men and women4 ,husbands and wives should never be sent into the dining-room together4 ,the usual order of precedence is as follows3 ,the host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right2 if the dinner is in honor of a married couple1 the host goes in to dinner with the wife of the honored guest2 the hostess ending the procession with that lady's husband4 ,when there are no guests of honor the host takes the eldest lady present4 ,usually a lady visiting the house for the first time is the first to enter the dining-room4 ,if there is one more woman than men in the party1 the customary thing is for the hostess to enter the dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it4 ,she must never take the other arm of the last gentleman4 ,the seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of each guest next to each plate if the party is a large one4 ,this method may be pursued if the party is small1 though1 in this case it is quite possible for the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she wishes each guest to sit4 ,the guests who enter the dining-room together sit side by side2 the hostess always waits until everyone is seated1 before she takes her place and motions that the dinner is to proceed4 ,when a guest arrives late1 the hostess must endeavor to make him feel at ease and unembarrassed4 ,if the guest is a woman1 she rises1 greets her cordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness4 ,if it is a man1 she merely bows and smiles without rising and immediately starts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to draw attention away from the late arrival4 ,in this manner he is put at ease1 and the incident is promptly forgotten4 ,,the ,,successful ,,hostess ,the hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well taken care of4 ,she must stimulate conversation and help things along by herself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences4 ,she must not introduce any topic1 however1 that would in the least detail suggest scandal or gossip4 ,nothing is more delightful1 at the dinner table1 whether formal or informal1 than the interesting little chats between old friends and new acquaintances4 ,special musical programs always please dinner guests1 and when held after dinner are usually appreciated4 ,in selecting musical numbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikes of her guests4 ,music during the meal if it is soft enough not to interfere with conversation is pleasing1 though it is not essential4 ,the musicians should be hidden behind palms4 ,happy is she1 who1 at the conclusion of the formal dinner1 can say to herself that everything was as it should be2 that each of the guests had an enjoyable time2 that the entire dinner had been a success4 ,and she may claim the success of the evening as her own1 for it is upon the hostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves1 even when most of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests4 ,,the ,,guest ,when ,gung-,yee-,far-,choy 7the ,chinese two-week ,new ,year7 comes1 our yellow cousins make their formal visits4 ,it is a time of extreme convention1 and despite the seeming revelry and celebration1 the strictest rules are observed4 ,the calls are made according to the callers' rank4 ,one pays visits to those superior1 receiving in turn those inferior4 ,it is perplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and which inferior in each case4 ,perhaps it is their ,oriental instinct4 ,but the ,american guest does not have to determine whether he is superior to his host and hostess--or the opposite4 ,it is already decided for him1 by the laws of etiquette4 ,for the guest at the formal dinner must accord every respect and honor to his host and hostess--not in the servile manner of the coolie towards the mandarin1 of course--but in the captivating and charming manner that bespeaks the fine lady and gentleman4 ,,comments ,,on ,,food ,men and women of cultivation rarely make comments on food except to praise4 ,it is better to accept a little of each course on one's place and eat a bit of it although one does not particularly care for it1 than to refuse it entirely4 ,a highly amusing story is related of a guest who was invited to a formal dinner given by a prominent ,new ,york woman who had gained a reputation for the savory qualities of the soups she served4 ,on this occasion she was especially proud of her ,grun ,yung ,waa 7,bird's-,nest ,soup7--and really1 from all reports1 it must have been remarkably delicious4 ,but the guest we are writing about1 sniffed at the soup disdainfully and asked1 ,is this some of that new canned soup they are advertising8 ,the hostess blushed--as any conscientious hostess would--and the next time she issued invitations for dinner1 she somehow forgot to include the guest who read the advertisements so diligently4 ,,second ,,helpings ,a guest at a formal dinner should never ask for a second helping of any dish4 ,this holds equally true for an elaborate luncheon4 ,however1 the host or hostess may offer to provide a second helping to any one of the guests who has disposed of his first helping4 ,in this case1 the guest may acknowledge it with a smile1 or if his appetite is entirely satisfied1 he may refuse it with a polite word of thanks4 ,to insist1 on the part of the host1 after the guest has refused a second helping1 is overdoing the bounds of hospitality1 and perilously borders on the verge of incivility4 ,,the ,,menu ,the hostess must be careful not to apologize profusely for things which are not as she would like to have them2 it is better form completely to ignore the fact that the salad is not crisp enough or that the entree is too highly seasoned4 ,the entire time spent at table should be no more than an hour and a half4 ,an hour is usually sufficient if the courses are served with expedition4 ,but there must be no semblance of haste4 ,good cook books are full of suggestions for delectable menus and for the order of service4 ,the butler or maid takes complete charge and it is better to have a less elaborate dinner than to have so many courses that he or she cannot manage without haste1 noise1 or confusion4 ,the order of service depends upon the number of courses4 ,the cook book will help here1 also4 ,generally speaking1 oysters on the half shell buried in ice1 a cocktail1 or a fruit cup constitutes the first course4 ,this is followed by soup1 game or fish1 a salad1 the roast and vegetables1 dessert and coffee4 ,in presenting the first course the lady at the right of the host is served first4 ,after that the order is varied so that the same person will not be served last every time4 ,the butler serves dishes from the left and removes them from the right4 ,no plates for any course are removed until everyone has finished4 ,it is not necessary to wait until everyone is served to begin eating but it is most vulgar to show undue haste4 ,it is the duty of the butler to keep the glasses filled with water and to see that nuts1 bonbons1 etc41 are passed frequently4 ,when fruit is served1 the butler places a glass dessert-plate on which is an embroidered doily and finger-bowl1 before each guest1 and next to it a small fruit knife4 ,then the fruits are offered to each guest2 and when the hostess is quite sure that everyone has finished1 she makes the sign for retiring4 ,the usual manner of doing this1 is to catch the eye of the lady who is the partner of her husband for the evening1 nod and smile to her1 and they both rise together1 followed immediately by the other women guests4 ,they adjourn to the drawing-room1 where coffee is served and light conversation ensues until the men join them4 ,the latter1 in the meanwhile1 remain in the dining-room to smoke their cigars and drink their coffee4 ,usually they will leave their original seats and move up to the end of the table1 gathering around the host1 whose duty it now is to entertain them and to keep pleasant conversation going4 ,fifteen minutes is an ample time for the gentlemen to smoke and chat by themselves4 ,then they are expected to join the ladies in the drawing-room4 ,,special ,,entertainment ,some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for their guests--professional dancers1 elocutionists1 or singers4 ,but here circumstances must alter cases4 ,as a matter of fact1 not very much entertainment is really required1 for if the guests are congenial1 they will no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves4 ,it is1 of course1 not necessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whom one's lot has been cast for the evening4 ,however1 special attention should be paid to that person4 ,,when ,,to ,,leave ,it is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leave immediately upon the conclusion of the dinner4 ,the correct thing to do1 when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one's car to appear at the door at ten-thirty4 ,in most cases1 however1 when the guests are brilliant and pleasant1 and when conversation holds one in spite of the desire to leave1 it is customary to remain until eleven o'clock when the party will1 no doubt1 break up entirely4 ,in these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities1 it is not unusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in one evening4 ,even this urgent responsibility1 however1 does not warrant the guest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may be the last stages4 ,the courteous way is to wait until all the guests have adjourned to the drawing-room1 remain fifteen or twenty minutes conversing with one's partner or other guests1 and then with a fitting apology and brief explanation1 order one's car4 ,if this is followed1 the hostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment2 but the guest who insists on rushing away1 shows ill-breeding and inconsideration4 ,,taking ,,leave ,the lady1 whether she be wife1 sister or fiancee1 is the first to express a desire to depart4 ,when she does1 she and the gentleman will seek out the host and hostess1 thank them cordially for their hospitality1 and take their leave4 ,here are some accepted forms that may be used with variations according to the guest's own personality3 ,good-night1 ,mrs4 ,carr4 ,i must thank you for a perfectly delightful evening4 ,to which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect3 ,we were glad to have you1 ,i'm sure1 ,mrs4 ,roberts4 ,here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks1 and how to accept them3 ,sorry we must start so soon1 ,mrs4 ,carr4 ,thank you so much for your kindness4 ,good-night1 ,mrs4 ,roberts4 ,i hope to see you soon again4 ,it is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordial good-night4 ,in fact1 it is a flagrant breach to leave without having thanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it4 ,a word or two is all that is necessary4 ,the hostess1 in taking leave of her guests1 will gratefully acknowledge their thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at their presence4 ,it is not civil or courteous on the part of either host or hostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has made it known that he wishes to depart4 ,,inviting ,a ,,stop-,,gap ,if the hostess finds1 almost at the last moment1 that one of her guests is unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner1 she may call upon a friend to take the vacant place4 ,the friend thus invited should not feel that he or she is playing second-fiddle and the fact that she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse the invitation which would be a serious discourtesy1 indeed4 ,quite on the contrary1 she should accept cordially1 and then do her utmost to make her 7or his1 as the case may be7 presence at the dinner amiable and pleasant4 ,the invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note1 explaining the reason for its last-minute arrival1 and frankly requesting the presence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannot appear4 ,the answer should be brief but sincere2 there must be no hint in it that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation and with the idea of dining in someone's else place4 ,to refuse an invitation to serve as a stop-gap1 without an acceptable reason for doing so is an inexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding4 ,of course1 it is not always agreeable to the hostess to call on one of her friends to attend her dinner in the place of someone else2 but it is certainly a better plan than to leave the guest out entirely1 and have one more lady than gentleman1 or vice versa4 ,if the note is cordial and frankly sincere1 a good friend will not feel any unreasonable resentment1 but will1 in fact1 be pleased to serve4 ,,simple ,,dinners ,the simple dinner1 perfectly achieved1 is as admirable a feat as the elaborate dinner1 perfectly achieved4 ,the hostess who has attained the art of giving perfect dinners1 though they are small1 may well be proud of her attainment4 ,if the cook knows how to cook2 if the maid is well-trained1 and correctly attired in white cap and apron and black dress2 if the table is laid according to the rules of dinner etiquette2 if the welcome is cordial and the company congenial--the simple dinner may rank with the most extravagant and elaborate formal dinner4 ,the cover may contain fewer pieces and the menu may contain fewer courses1 the setting may be less fashionable1 though not less harmonious1 and still the dinner may be extremely tempting and enjoyable4 ,,inviting ,,congenial ,,guests ,perhaps it is more important to select the guests wisely at a small informal dinner than it is at a formal one4 ,as there are usually only four or six guests1 they will undoubtedly become well acquainted by the time the dinner is over1 and in order to have agreeable conversation it is necessary that they be congenial4 ,in a week or two1 one generally forgets just what food was eaten at a certain dinner--but if the guests were all amiable and pleasing1 the memory of conversation with them will linger and be constantly associated with the hostess and her home4 ,many a hostess would be happier 7and her guests1 too7 if less time were paid to the planning of a menu1 and more time spent in choosing guests who will be happy together4 ,,when ,,there ,,are ,,no ,,servants ,there is no reason why lack of servants should prevent one from entertaining friends and extending one's hospitality4 ,the ideal hostess is not the one who tries to outdo her neighbor--who attempts1 even though it is beyond her means1 to give elaborate dinners that vie favorably with those given by her neighbors4 ,the simplest dinner has possibilities of being a huge success1 if it is given in the spirit of true cordiality4 ,for instance1 a dinner which the writer attended recently was given by a young woman who did not have any servants4 ,there were six guests who all had mutual interests and with very little help from the hostess they were not long in finding them4 ,the table was laid for eight4 ,a silver bowl containing delicate ferns graced the center4 ,the lights were shaded to a soft radiance4 ,the entire dining-room had an atmosphere of quiet and restfulness about it4 ,each guest found1 upon taking his place for dinner1 a tall fruit glass at his cover1 containing crushed grapefruit and cherries4 ,when this first course was finished1 the hostess placed the glasses on a serving table and wheeled it into the kitchen4 ,the kitchen adjoined the dining-room1 which of course facilitated matters considerably4 ,and yet it was sufficiently separated to exclude all unpleasant signs of cooking4 ,there was no confusion1 no haste1 no awkward pauses4 ,somehow1 the guests seemed to forget that maids or butlers were necessary at all4 ,the quiet1 calm poise of the hostess dominated the entire party and everyone felt contented and at ease4 ,there was a complete absence of restraint of any kind2 conversation flowed smoothly and naturally1 and in the enjoyment of one another's company1 the guests were as happy and satisfied as they would probably have been at an elaborate formal dinner4 ,a table service wagon is most useful for the woman who is her own maid4 ,it stands at the right of the hostess and may be wheeled in and out as she finds it necessary1 though for the informal dinner it should not be essential to move it once it is in place4 ,in the drawer should be found one or two extra napkins and extra silver for each course in case of accident or emergency4 ,the coffee service may be placed on top of the table with the dishes for the several courses arranged on the shelves of the table from top to bottom in the order in which they are to be used4 ,the table should not be too heavily loaded4 ,it is much more useful when things are easy to get at4 ,if your home is small and inconvenient1 if you become easily flustered1 if you don't find intense pleasure in making others happy1 then don't invite friends to dinner--and discomfort4 ,but if you are the jolly1 calm1 happy sort of a hostess1 who can attend to duties quickly and yet without confusion1 if you have a cozy little home and taste enough to make it attractive--then give dinners by all means1--and your guests will not object to their simplicity4 ,,hotel ,,dinners ,with the servant problem growing more complex every year1 more and more hostesses are turning to hotels to provide their special dinners4 ,these cannot rival a successful dinner at home but often they are much easier to arrange and even the most conservative of hostesses may entertain dinner guests at a hotel4 ,private dining-rooms are a luxury but much more charming than the public room4 ,the latter is1 of course1 the one used by the large majority of people4 ,most hotels provide comfortable lobbies or lounges in which guests may wait for each other4 ,but if the hotel is a big one and crowded it is pleasanter to meet elsewhere and arrive together4 ,the etiquette of the hotel dining-room is that of the home dining-room4 ,nothing should ever be done to draw attention to the group of people who are dining there4 ,quiet behavior is more than ever valuable4 ,,dress ,,for ,,dinner ,for an informal dinner a woman may wear a semi-evening dress of the sort suitable for afternoon while her partner wears the regular dinner jacket4 ,for a formal affair formal decollete dress with the hair arranged somewhat more elaborately than usual is required4 ,jewels may be worn4 ,gloves are always removed1 never at a dinner should they be tucked in at the wrists4 ,men1 of course1 wear full evening dress to a formal dinner4 ,in hotels and other public dining-rooms there is more freedom of choice as to what one shall wear but it is in bad taste to attire oneself conspicuously4 ,a woman dining alone should always wear her hat into the dining-room even if she is a guest of the hotel4 ,it is amazing how much the little niceties of life have to do with making a dinner pleasant1 and in every home the family should dress for dinner even though this may not mean donning regulation evening dress4 ,formal or informal1 in the intimacy of the family circle or in a large group of friends the meal should be unhurried and calm4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,luncheons ,,purpose ,,of ,,the ,,luncheon ,in ,england1 and especially in ,london1 the luncheon is held in quite as high esteem as our most formal dinners4 ,for it is at the luncheon1 in ,england1 that distinguished men and women meet to discuss the important topics of the moment and exchange opinions4 ,it is indeed easy to understand why this would be a delightful meal1 for there is none of the restraint and formality of the late dinner4 ,but in ,america1 perhaps because most all of our gentlemen are at business down-town during the day1 perhaps because we disdain to ape ,england's customs1 the luncheon has not yet reached the point where it rivals the formal dinner4 ,and yet it holds rather an important place all its own4 ,the place is distinctly feminine4 ,the ladies of ,america have taken the luncheon in hand and developed it into a splendid midday entertainment and means of hospitality4 ,the gentlemen are of course welcome2 but they are rarely present4 ,it is usually among themselves that the ladies celebrate the ceremony of the luncheon--both formal and informal--and that it has survived1 and is tending to become permanently popular1 is sufficient proof of its success4 ,it is often preceded or followed by cards or other simple entertainment4 ,,informal ,,luncheons ,invitations may be sent only a few days before the day set for the luncheon1 and are usually written in the first person instead of the third which is the convention for more elaborate functions4 ,the hour of luncheon is stated1 but need not be as rigidly followed as the dinner hour4 ,if guests are reasonably late they may be excused1 but the late dinner guest is correctly considered discourteous4 ,lord ,houghton1 famous in ,england's social history1 used to word his invitations simply ,come and lunch with me to-morrow or ,will you lunch with me ,tuesday8 ,he rarely mentioned the hour4 ,incidentally1 ,lord ,houghton's unceremonious luncheons earned for him widespread comment1 and they had much to do with the ultimate popularity of the informal luncheon in ,england4 ,the informal luncheon lost none of its easy congeniality in traveling across the ocean4 ,there is a certain friendliness that distinguishes this meal from all others4 ,sometimes1 in fact1 the hostess dispenses with the ceremony of service altogether1 and her guests help themselves from the buffet or side-table4 ,if such is the case1 the luncheon consists of cold meats1 ham1 tongue1 roast beef1 etc42 salads1 wine jellies1 fruits1 cakes1 bonbons and coffee4 ,the most usual way1 however1 is to serve a more substantial luncheon1 retaining just that degree of dinner formality that is so gratifying to the social sense4 ,,about ,,the ,,table ,often the informal luncheon is served on the bare table1 making use of numerous lace or linen doilies instead of the usual table-cloth4 7,this does not hold true of the formal luncheon and may not be true even of the informal one47 ,the menu must be appropriate to the season4 ,tea or coffee are never served in the drawing-room after the informal luncheon4 ,if at all1 they are served right at the table at the conclusion of the meal4 ,the informal luncheon guest never remains long after the luncheon unless the hostess has provided special amusement4 ,if the luncheon lasts an hour the guests may sit around and chat with the hostess for about a half hour2 but they must remember that she may have afternoon engagements1 and it would be exceedingly inconsiderate and rude on their part to delay her4 ,,the ,,formal ,,luncheon ,the formal luncheon is very much like the formal dinner1 except that it is not so substantial as to menu4 ,the table is laid the same1 except that linen doilies are used in preference to table-cloths4 ,the latter are in good form1 however1 and it is merely a matter of taste in the final selection4 ,then too1 there is never any artificial light at a luncheon1 whether it be simple or elaborate4 ,the formal luncheon usually opens with a first course of fruit--grapefruit1 ordinarily1 but sometimes chilled pineapple or fruit cocktails4 ,when the fruit glasses are removed1 bouillon in two-handled cups is served4 ,sometimes a course of fish follows1 but it is really not essential to the luncheon and most hostesses prefer to omit it4 ,an entree is next served--chicken1 mushrooms1 sweetbreads or beef according to the taste and judgment of the hostess2 and usually a vegetable accompanies it4 ,a light salad1 prepared with a regard for harmony with the rest of the menu1 is always acceptable at the luncheon4 ,desserts may be the same as those served for dinner1--jellies1 frozen puddings1 ice-cream1 tarts1 nuts1 etc4 ,it is not customary to retire to the drawing-room for coffee2 it is good form to have it served at the table4 ,if the weather is tempting1 and if the hostess is so inclined1 coffee may be served on the porch4 ,however1 these lesser details must be decided by personal taste and convenience4 ,it may be taken for granted that the hostess would not give a formal luncheon if she had afternoon engagements4 ,for that reason1 the guests may stay later than they would at an informal luncheon4 ,sometimes music is provided1 and often there are recitations and dramatic readings4 ,usually the hour set for a ceremonious luncheon is one-thirty o'clock2 it is safe to say1 then1 that three o'clock or half-past three is ample time to take one's departure4 ,,the ,,table ,,for ,,the ,,formal ,,luncheon ,the appointments of the formal luncheon table are1 as was pointed out above1 almost identical with those of the dinner table4 ,in the first place1 butter may be served with the formal luncheon and rarely with dinner4 ,thus we find tiny butter dishes added at the left of each luncheon cover4 ,these plates are usually decorative1 and sometimes are made large enough to contain both the bread and butter1 instead of just the butter alone4 ,another difference1 though slight3--cut-glass platters for nuts and bonbons take the place of the silver platters of dinner4 ,candles are not used2 nor is any other artificial light whenever it can be avoided4 ,the formal luncheon offers an ideal time for the hostess to display her finest china1 her best silver4 ,it is an occasion when dignity and beauty combine with easy friendliness to make the event memorable1 and the wise hostess spares no effort in adding those little touches that go so far towards making any entertainment a success4 ,menu cards and favors1 of course1 are touches that belong to the dinner table alone2 but flowers1 service and general setting of the dining-room are details that deserve considerable attention and thought4 ,,hostess ,,and ,,guest ,the primary requisite of a successful luncheon is harmonious and agreeable relationship between hostess and guests4 ,this holds true both of the formal and informal luncheons1 though particularly of the former4 ,one cannot possibly enjoy a luncheon--no matter how carefully the menu has been prepared1 no matter how delightful the environment--if there are awkward lapses in the conversation2 if there are moments of painful1 embarrassing silence2 or if the conversation is stilted1 affected or forced4 ,spontaneity of conversation and ease of manner1 together with a hostess who knows how to plan delightful little surprises1 and simple though delicious menus1--these are the secrets of successful luncheon-giving4 ,and if they cannot be observed1 the hostess had better direct her energies toward strictly formal entertainments2 the luncheon is not one of her accomplishments4 ,the hostess receives in her drawing-room4 ,she rises as each guest enters the room1 greets her1 or him1 as the case may be1 with outstretched hand1 and proceeds with any necessary introductions4 ,as soon as all the guests have arrived1 she orders luncheon served1 and she herself leads the way to the dining-room4 ,the guests may seat themselves in the manner that is most congenial2 but in arranging the formal luncheon1 the hostess usually identifies the correct seat with a small place card4 ,if there is a guest of honor1 or a lady whom the hostess wishes to show deference to1 she is given the place to the right of the hostess4 ,if there are gentlemen at the formal luncheon1 including the hostess' husband1 they do not remain at the table to smoke and chat as they do after dinner1 but leave the dining-room with the ladies4 ,neither do they offer the ladies their arms when entering or leaving the dining-room4 ,if the host is considerate1 and is fortunate enough to have a porch1 she will suggest that the gentlemen have their cigars on the porch4 ,a well-bred guest will never take advantage of the leniency toward late-comers to the luncheon4 ,it is always rude to keep people waiting2 but it is doubly so to be lax in one's punctuality because one rule is not as exacting as another4 ,the guest must also bear in mind that a great part of the enjoyment of the luncheon devolves upon his or her own cordiality and friendliness4 ,every guest must feel it a duty to supply some of the conversation1 and if he is not naturally conversant1 it might be wise to decide upon and remember several interesting little anecdotes that the company will enjoy hearing4 ,no one can be excused from silence or lack of interest at the luncheon4 ,to the hostess1 then1 goes the responsibility of providing the means of enjoyment2 to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this means1 and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a success4 ,there are huge social possibilities in the luncheon1 and it is rapidly becoming one of ,america's favorite functions4 ,with both hostess and guest observing their duties1 it must inevitably be a triumph that will vie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself4 ,,formal ,,and ,,informal ,,breakfasts ,breakfast to some people may mean a hastily swallowed cup of tea or coffee1 and a bit of roll or cake4 ,the early breakfast1 of course4 ,but to many there is a later breakfast that is as elaborate as it is tempting4 ,the formal breakfast may be held any time between ten and twelve-thirty4 ,a fruit course opens the menu1 with a mild hors d'oeuvre following4 ,soup is never served4 ,after the fruit1 fish1 broiled or saute is served1 and sometimes deviled lobster if it is preferred4 ,in ,england1 steamed finnan haddie is the favorite breakfast fish4 ,the personal tastes of the guests must be taken into consideration in deciding upon the main course4 ,lamb or veal chops are acceptable1 and egg dishes are always welcomed4 ,they may be accompanied by mushrooms1 small ,french peas or potatoes4 ,for the next course1 chicken meets with favor especially if it is broiled or fried with rice4 ,dessert of frozen punch1 pastry or jellies follows immediately after the chicken2 and coffee1 in breakfast cups1 concludes the meal4 ,and of course1 the hot muffins and crisp biscuits of breakfast fame are not forgotten--nor the waffles and syrup1 either1 if one is partial to them4 ,for an informal breakfast1 the menu is correspondingly less elaborate4 ,once again it begins with fruit1 and it may be followed by the good old-fashioned course of ham or bacon and eggs with johnny-cake and potatoes2 or the simple breakfast may be started with cereal1 served with cream1 and followed with broiled finnan haddie and baked potatoes4 ,eggs1 quail or chops1 and a crisp salad is another menu often adapted to the late informal breakfast4 ,desserts should be simple2 sweets are seldom indulged in at breakfast4 ,buns with marmalade or honey are always acceptable1 and frozen puddings seem to be a just-right finish to a delicious breakfast4 ,the informal breakfast is given at ten or eleven o'clock in the morning4 ,it is never very elaborate2 it is1 in fact1 one of the simplest1 yet most dignified of informal meals4 ,,dress ,,for ,,luncheons ,,and ,,breakfasts ,whether she is hostess or guest the woman at a breakfast or luncheon should wear an afternoon gown of silk1 crepe-de-chine1 velvet1 cloth or novelty material4 ,in the summer preference may be given organdies1 georgettes1 etc4 ,the simpler the affair the simpler the costume should be4 ,men may wear the cutaway coat if the luncheon is a formal one while for simpler affairs the sack coat or summer flannels1 when the season is appropriate1 may be worn4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,,teas ,,and ,,other ,,entertainments ,,evolution ,,of ,,the ,,afternoon ,,tea ,of course one cannot mention the words afternoon tea without immediately associating it with merry ,england4 ,for it was there that1 over two hundred years ago1 a dreamy-eyed ,dutchman 7dreamy-eyed because he had lived many years in ,china7 brought with him from the ,orient a peculiar little leaf which1 with a little hot water and sugar1 made a delicious drink4 ,at first lordly ,englishmen would have none of him--but he didn't care4 ,he exhibited the powers of the little leaves1 made his tea1 and drank it with evident relish4 ,others were curious2 they1 too1 drank1 and once they started it was difficult to do without it4 ,someone spread the rumor that this new drink from ,china contained drugs and stimulants--and no sooner was this rumor spread than everyone began drinking it6 ,even the ladies and gentlemen of better society finally condescended to taste the stuff--and lo6 before they realized it1 it had been unconsciously adopted as their very own beverage6 ,through two generations the idea of the afternoon tea has been perfected1 until to-day we have cosy1 delightful1 ceremonious five-o'clock teas that are the pride of the ,english and the joy of everyone who follows the custom4 ,and so we find the afternoon tea enjoying a vogue of unrivaled popularity here in ,america4 ,when a debutante daughter is to be introduced to society1 the mother plans an elaborate afternoon tea 7and they can certainly be elaborate674 ,when guests from out-of-town are visiting1 the hostess can think of nothing more appropriate than a chummy tea to introduce them to her friends4 ,so charming a way of entertaining is the afternoon tea that it has usurped the evening reception almost entirely1 except when the occasion requires special formality4 ,,the ,,simpler ,,tea ,then1 too1 there is the simpler tea so dear to the hearts of our hospitable ladies of good society4 ,it was ,george ,eliot who earnestly inquired1 ,reader1 have you ever drunk a cup of tea8 ,there is something undeniably heart-warming and conversation-making in a cup of steaming hot tea served with delicious cream2 it is an ideal prescription for banishing loneliness4 ,perhaps it is not so much the tea itself1 as the circle of happy friends eager for a pleasant chat4 ,as the simple tea does not require very much preparation or planning1 we will discuss it briefly here and take up only the formal tea in detail4 ,the simple tea may be served for any guest who chances in between four or six o'clock in the afternoon4 ,sometimes a hostess devotes a stated time each day or on certain days in the week which are known to her friends1 to tea1 and she lets her friends know just what the hour is and that they are welcome to join for a bite and a little chat whenever they feel so inclined4 ,there may be one or several little tea tables which are brought into the drawing-room when the guests are ready for tea4 ,covering each one is a dainty lace or linen doily1 or an embroidered tea-cloth4 ,if tea tables are not available1 one large table may serve the purpose1 but it also must be covered with small doilies at each cover instead of one large table-cloth4 ,the hostess and one or two of her friends may serve4 ,the tea is made at the table and served with very small1 dainty sandwiches and all kinds of quaintly-shaped cakes4 ,bonbons1 salted nuts and sometimes ices are also served4 ,if the hostess does not own dainty tea equipage1 the beverage may be made in the kitchen and brought in ready to serve1 fragrant and steaming4 ,the custom of the afternoon tea is confined almost wholly to women1 though it is not bad form by any means to have gentlemen present for tea4 ,a tea wagon offers the most attractive service for an afternoon tea4 ,it should not be in the room where the hostess receives but should be wheeled in from an adjoining room 7the dining-room usually74 ,the maid1 if there is one1 performs this service1 the hostess herself if there is no maid4 ,the table should not be overcrowded and if there is not ample room for sandwich trays these should be brought in separately4 ,the china should be thin and of the same general kind though not necessarily of the same pattern4 ,there should be sugar--preferably block sugar with tongs1 a pitcher of cream1 slices of lemon1 mint leaves and cloves4 ,if the hostess makes the tea herself she adds sugar1 cream1 lemon or whatever else the guest may desire before she passes the cup4 ,the hostess who cares about her reputation for hospitality will perfect herself in the gentle art of making delicious tea before the day comes for her to prove herself before her guests4 ,,the ,,formal ,,tea ,when the afternoon tea becomes formal and ceremonious it takes the place of the customary at home4 ,invitations must be sent a week or ten days in advance1 and if one is unable to attend1 a polite note of explanation must be sent4 ,however1 no answer is necessary if one intends to be present4 ,with this more pretentious affair1 the refreshments are served in the dining-room instead of in the drawing-room or outdoors as is sometimes done at simpler teas4 ,the hissing urn always holds the place of honor 7except on very warm days when iced tea or iced coffee may be served74 ,trays of thinly sliced bread are on the table1 and dainty sandwiches in large variety4 ,fruit salads are never amiss1 and strawberries with cream are particularly delightful when in season4 ,then1 of course1 there are cakes and bonbons and ices1 although the latter are usually confined to warm days4 ,at a ceremonious tea1 the hostess stands near the drawing-room door to greet each guest as she arrives4 ,if her daughters receive with her1 they stand to her right1 and help in making any necessary introductions4 ,as many guests as can be conveniently entertained may be invited to the formal tea2 but the refreshments must never be so substantial that they will interfere with dinner4 ,in fact1 the tea must be kept true to its name1 for if other eatables besides those fashionable to the tea are served1 it is a reception in substance if not in name4 ,when one wishes to invite eighteen or twenty friends1 and does not wish to undertake the trouble or expense of a dinner1 the high tea is in order4 ,it is usually held on a ,sunday evening4 ,at these high teas small tables are invariably used1 four guests being placed at each table4 ,it is customary to allow the guests to form their own quartettes1 for in this manner they will usually find table companions who will be congenial--and a most unfortunate occurrence at a high tea1 or in fact any reception1 is a seating arrangement untasteful to the guests themselves4 ,the little tables are covered with snowy tea cloths and decorated with a sprig of flowers in a colored vase occupying the position of honor4 ,,the ,,tea-,,table ,perhaps more important than the tea itself1 is the appearance of the tea-table4 ,the well-equipped table is adorned with fine china and gleaming silver1 and there are always a few flowers to add to the beauty of the setting4 ,ferns may be used instead of flowers1 but there must be no elaborate ribbons or decorations such as appear on the dinner-table4 ,as a matter of fact1 the tea-table should always present an appearance of unpremeditated simplicity4 ,it must never seem as though it had been especially prepared and planned for the occasion4 ,candles1 dimmed with pale shades1 may be on the table when the day is gloomy and dark4 ,in winter1 for instance1 when the days are shorter1 softly-glowing candles aid considerably in the cheerfulness of the afternoon tea4 ,tea napkins are used instead of those of regular dinner size4 ,a pretty manner of serving sandwiches or cakes is to have them in silver-rimmed wicker baskets which can be passed easily from one guest to another4 ,if the tea is informal1 wicker chairs and tables may also be used4 ,this is especially pleasing and appropriate when the tea is served on the porch or in the garden4 ,,dress ,,at ,,tea ,,time ,tea time is always the fashionable time of the day and there is sufficient variety in appropriate materials and style for a woman to find a gown that is more than ordinarily individual and becoming4 ,for an informal tea the hostess may wear a clinging gown of silk but she should not dress very sumptuously for her guests will come simply attired and it is hardly hospitable to be a great deal more elaborately dressed than they4 ,afternoon frocks of silk1 velvet1 cloth1 etc41 or of summer materials are suitable for the guest4 ,when the weather demands it she wears an attractive wrap4 ,in selecting dresses for teas1 and1 indeed for all occasions1 it is well to remember that the more ornamentation there is the less elegance there will be4 ,the materials should be rich but not showy--the best-dressed person is the one who calls least attention to his or her clothes4 ,one may wear jewels but not heavy necklaces or glittering brooches or other flashing stones4 ,if the affair is a formal one the hair may be as elaborately marcelled as for the evening4 ,in this case the gown should be a rich creation of the kind suitable only for such events4 ,if the tea is given for a debutante it may be a very festive occasion and decollete gowns may be worn4 ,dark colors are rarely worn and the debutante herself should be a fairy dream in a lovely creation of silk1 georgette1 crepe-de-chine1 or something else equally girlish and appropriate4 ,elderly women wear black lace or satin though certain shades of brown and blue and nearly all shades of gray are irreproachably good taste if--and this if is an important one--they are becoming4 ,,the ,,garden ,,party ,charming indeed is the simple entertainment of the garden party4 ,it is an undebatable fact that informal entertainments are always more enjoyable than those that are strictly formal1 and the easy harmony of the garden party is certainly informal to an acceptable degree4 ,someone once said of the lawn fete 7which is merely another name for a garden party7 that a green lawn1 a few trees1 a fine day and something to eat constitute a perfect garden party4 ,to this we add1 that the guests must be carefully selected and the grounds must be attractive4 ,the garden party must be held in the open air2 refreshments are served outside and the guests remain outside until they are ready to depart4 ,at ,newport1 where garden parties are quite the vogue1 the invitations are sent weeks in advance1 and1 if the weather is bad1 the party is held indoors4 ,but ordinarily it must be held entirely on the grounds4 ,a large porch is a great advantage1 for if there is a sudden downpour of rain1 the guests may repair to its shelter4 ,there are many opportunities for the hostess to show consideration and hospitality at the garden party4 ,easy chairs arranged in groups or couples under spreading trees always make for comfort4 ,some hostesses have a tent provided on the lawn for the purpose of serving the refreshments--a custom which earns the approbation of fastidious guests who search the food for imaginary specks of dust when it is served in the open4 ,,receiving ,,the ,,guests ,invitations to garden parties may be sent ten days to two weeks in advance1 and a prompt reply of acceptance or regret is expected4 ,the hostess receives on the lawn--never in the house4 ,the guests1 however1 drive up to the door of the house1 are directed upstairs to deposit their wraps 7if they wish they may keep them with them71 and then are shown to the part of the grounds where the hostess is receiving4 ,a servant should be in attendance to see that each guest is properly directed1 unless the grounds where the hostess is receiving are visible from the house4 ,after being greeted by the hostess1 guests may wander about the grounds1 stopping to chat with different groups1 and seeking the refreshment table when they are weary4 ,the hostess must be sure that her lawns are faultlessly mowed1 and that the tennis courts are in order4 ,lawn-tennis has had a large share in the making of the garden party's popularity1 and the wise hostess will always be sure that her courts are in readiness for those who enjoy the game4 ,cold refreshments are usually served at the garden party4 ,salads1 ham and tongue sandwiches1 fruits1 jellies1 ices1 cakes1 candies and punch are in order4 ,particular care must be taken in serving the refreshments to avoid any accidents or mussiness4 ,there is nothing more disturbing to both hostess and guest than to have a glass of punch or a dish of strawberries overturned on a lawn1 and pains should be taken to avoid accidents of this kind4 ,,on ,,the ,,lawn ,music is a pleasing feature at the garden party4 ,a pretty custom1 now enjoying vogue among the most fashionable1 is to have the orchestra hidden by a clump of trees or shrubbery1 but near enough to be heard distinctly4 ,in the outdoors music is never too loud to interfere with conversation1 and it is always a source of keen enjoyment to the guests4 ,also1 it adds a solemn charm to the natural beauties of the occasion4 ,in planning a garden party1 it is best to hire all the glass1 silver and china from the caterer1 as there is always considerable breakage no matter how careful the servants may be4 ,if the hostess does use her own china and glassware1 she must never use her best unless she is willing to take the risk of having it broken4 ,undoubtedly1 the garden party is troublesome1 but it offers possibilities of tremendous enjoyment and amusement1 and when properly arranged is always a success4 ,the correct time for a garden party is between three and six in the afternoon4 ,sometimes it lasts until seven if the day is long and the guests are congenial4 ,it rarely lasts into the evening1 however1 unless it is in celebration of some special event4 ,sometimes evening lawn receptions are held1 and they are remarkably pretty4 ,an appropriate time to hold an evening garden party is in celebration of a summer wedding anniversary4 ,the grounds are brilliantly lighted with many-hued ,japanese lanterns or tiny colored electric lights twining in and out among the trees4 ,benches and chairs are set in groups or pairs underneath the trees4 ,music is usually on the porch instead of on the grounds4 ,the house is open1 and the younger guests may dance if they wish4 ,supper is served either outdoors or indoors as convenient4 ,altogether the garden party1 whether held in the afternoon or evening1 is a picturesque1 charming and delightful affair and deserves the wide popularity it is enjoying both in ,america and ,england4 ,,dress ,,for ,,garden ,,parties ,,and ,,lawn ,,festivals ,summer frocks1 in their airy flimsiness and gay colors are ideally fitted for the colorful background of a garden or lawn party4 ,and the lady's escort1 in his white trousers and dark sack coat adds still further a note of festivity4 ,for the garden party1 the woman wears her prettiest light-colored frock and flower-trimmed hat4 ,gay parasols may be carried if they match1 or harmonize with1 the rest of the costume4 ,light shoes are more attractive than dark ones with light frocks4 ,a garden party might be compared with a drama1 the costumes of the guests deciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light comedy4 ,here1 amidst summer flowers1 woman's natural beauty is heightened1 and the wrong color schemes in dress1 the wrong costumes for the setting1 jar as badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy canvas of a landscape painting by an impressionist4 ,,woman',s ,,garden ,,costume ,organdie seems to be the material best suited for the garden-party frock4 ,for the younger person there could be no prettier frock for garden or lawn party1 or indeed for any outdoor afternoon occasion4 ,for the older woman1 a dress of dotted ,swiss1 pierette crepe1 or ,french lawn is becoming4 ,the color should be light and attractive1 but the style may be as simple as one pleases4 ,lilac is a pretty color for the older woman1 and sunset yellow is becoming both to age and youth alike1 when it is appropriately combined with some more somber shade4 ,there are several color combinations that are very beautiful in lawn and garden settings4 ,we will mention them here1 as they might be valuable in selecting frocks for such occasions as mentioned4 ,violet and orange1 both pale and not vivid1 offer a delicate harmony of color that is nothing short of exquisite4 ,old rose and ,nile green are equally effective4 ,orchid1 for the person whose complexion can bear it1 may be combined with such vivid colors as red1 green and blue1 presenting a contrast so strong and clear and beautiful that it reminds one of a glorious sunset4 ,black satin1 for the elderly person1 is quite festive enough for the garden party when it is combined with a pretty shade of henna or old blue or some other bit of color4 ,styles may be simple1 but colors must always be gay and rich as the colors from ,nature's own palette4 ,and the hat that is broad-brimmed and massed with bright flowers1 is a fitting complement for such a costume4 ,,the ,,man ,,at ,,the ,,garden ,,party ,of course the decorative art of dress has for a long time been entrusted wholly into the hands of woman1 but man may be just as attractive on festive occasions1 if he follows the rules of correct dress4 ,for him there is less color to be considered1 but just as much effect4 ,the younger man is well-dressed for the garden party when he wears a suit of white flannel or serge with colored or white linen1 a bright tie1 straw or panama hat1 and oxfords of white or black1 or a combination of white and black4 ,loose jackets of black and white striped flannel may also be worn with white duck trousers1 if one is young4 ,then there are the attractive light suits of gray twillett that are so effective when worn with a white waistcoat and bright tie4 ,for the older man1 a jacket of black and white homespun is extremely appropriate4 ,it is smart when worn with a waistcoat of white flannel1 white shirt and collar and gayly figured tie of silk foulard4 ,trousers of white flannel would complete this excellent costume for the elderly man1 and with a panama hat that boasts a black band1 and black-and-white oxfords he is ready for the most exclusive garden or lawn party4 ,,house ,,parties ,no one should attempt a house party whose home is not comfortably large enough and who is not able to provide every convenience for the guests4 ,one need not necessarily be a millionaire to hold a successful house party1 but it is certainly necessary to have a spacious home and sufficient means to make things pleasant for the guests every minute of the time that they are in the house4 ,while the success of a house party rests directly on the host and hostess1 it also depends largely upon the guests themselves4 ,they are expected to contribute to the entertainment4 ,they may be good conversationalists1 or witty humorists1 or clever in arranging surprises4 ,a man or woman who is jolly1 eager to please is always invited to house parties and welcomed by both hostess and guests with equal pleasure and cordiality4 ,,sending ,,the ,,invitation ,the invitations to house parties are important4 ,while it is complimentary for a guest to be invited to spend a few days with me next week he or she will undoubtedly be ill at ease during the visit and fearful of encroaching upon the hospitality of the hostess4 ,it is always more considerate and better form to state the definite duration of the visit1 for instance1 mentioning that a train leaves the guest's town at eleven-thirty on a certain day1 and that another train leaves for that same guest's town1 at a certain hour on the day he is to leave4 ,this gives the guest clearly1 and without discourtesy1 the precise time he is expected to remain at the home of the hostess1 and he may remain the full time without any vague premonitions of undesired presence4 ,if the hostess did not state the time of arrival and departure the guest should in her acceptance give suggestive dates leaving them subject to change at the discretion of the hostess4 ,any other plan is embarrassing to both hostess and guest since neither can make plans for the future until she finds out what the other intends to do4 ,the usual duration of house party visits are three days--often they last for a week end--although some continue a week or even longer4 ,the lady of the house usually writes a note in the name of her husband and herself both1 inviting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blank to her house for three days or three months as she 7the hostess7 pleases4 ,a clear explanation as to how to reach the house is given1 and also the necessary information regarding trains and schedules4 ,these invitations must be answered promptly and if for any reason the invited one cannot attend1 the reason should be given4 ,if there is any doubt as to how to get to the house of the hostess2 questions may be asked in the answer to the invitation1 and the hostess must answer them at once4 ,,when ,,the ,,guests ,,arrive ,if the hostess cannot be present to receive her guests1 the duty devolves upon the daughter of the house or an intimate friend4 ,as soon as a guest arrives he is shown to his room for after the long railroad trip one is usually dusty1 tired and not in the mood for conversation or pleasantries4 ,a bath1 a nap1 and a cup of coffee or tea1 or1 if the weather is warm1 an iced drink are most welcome4 ,the taxi fare from the station may be paid by either hostess or guest4 ,the former may consider that the other is her guest from the moment she arrives and the latter may include this item in her traveling expenses4 ,generally speaking1 the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guest while she is in her home but special services such as laundry work1 pressing1 etc41 may be paid for by the guest herself4 ,it is bad form to invite numerous friends and then to crowd them two in a room to make a place for all4 ,of course a mother and daughter may be asked to share the same room if individual beds are provided2 but two women1 meeting at the house party for the first time1 cannot be expected graciously to accept and enjoy sharing the same bed and room together4 ,the furnishing of the guest chamber may be modest1 but it must always be neat and comfortable4 ,to make the visit a pleasant one1 the room that the guest will occupy during his stay must be one that invites memory--one that by its very cheerfulness and comfort remains fondly in one's memory4 ,the personal tastes of the guests themselves should be ascertained in assigning rooms to them2 some may like a sunny room1 others may not be able to endure it2 and the considerate hostess will so arrange that each one of her guests is pleased4 ,there are numerous little services that the hostess must make sure are provided for her visiting guests4 ,scissors1 thread and needles should be in one of the dressing-table drawers2 stationery1 pens1 ink1 and a calendar should be in the writing-desk4 ,books1 chosen especially for the occupant1 should be scattered about4 ,the thoughtful hostess will make a round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make sure that every detail is attended to4 ,fresh flowers should be placed in the vases4 ,it is the duty of the guest to see that her room is kept in order4 ,if there is no maid she should attend to it herself and in any case she should keep her own things in place and watch carefully to see that the room is at all times exquisitely neat4 ,,entertaining ,,at ,,the ,,house ,,party ,at eight o'clock1 or a little later if it is more convenient1 all the guests meet in evening dress at dinner4 ,it is then that the necessary introductions are made and the guest of honor1 if there is one1 is presented4 ,plans may be made for the next day or two1 the hostess offering suggestions and deferring to the wishes of her guests when they have attractive plans to submit4 ,the hostess also informs the guests at what time breakfast and luncheon is served4 ,it is not obligatory for every guest to be present at luncheon1 but it is strictly so at dinner4 ,the considerate hostess1 while endeavoring to fill every moment of her guests' stay with her1 with pleasure and happiness1 does not overdo it to the extent that they will have no time for writing their correspondence1 reading a bit1 or taking their customary nap4 ,unfortunately many of our hostesses who entertain lavishly at house parties and spare no expense or effort in making the party a brilliant success1 spoil it all by trying to crowd too much entertainment into the day1 forgetting that their guests need a little time to themselves4 ,in planning entertainments for the morning1 the hostess must remember that breakfast will be preferred late1 and that the women guests1 especially1 may prefer to forego breakfast entirely and keep to their rooms until just before luncheon4 ,thus it is always best to start any entertainment in the afternoon4 ,long drives through the country1 tennis1 hockey1 golf1 card parties--all these are appropriate for the afternoon4 ,the evening is usually devoted to some special entertainment prepared sufficiently in advance to render it an important occurrence4 ,a dance after dinner1 a fancy dress ball1 or private theatricals are suitable2 and often long moonlight drives1 ending with a jolly little picnic1 are planned with great success4 ,,hostess ,,and ,,guests ,,at ,,the ,,house ,,party ,the first duty of the hostess is personally to meet or have her husband meet the guests as they arrive at the railroad station4 ,it is better form to have him meet them while she remains at home to receive them4 ,there are several important rules that the guest must observe4 ,in the first place1 he must not fail to arrive and depart at the exact time signified in the invitation4 ,if a train is missed1 the correct thing to do is wire immediately so that the host and hostess will not be awaiting the arrival in vain4 ,another important rule for the guest is rigidly to follow and adhere to the laws and the customs of the house3 thus if smoking is not allowed in the bedrooms1 the gentlemen must be sure to refrain from so doing and each guest should adapt his hours to those of the host and hostess4 ,one of the most difficult of guests to entertain is one who is peculiar about his eating4 ,it is an awkward situation and the guest if he can should eat what is set before him4 ,if this is impossible he may speak quietly with his hostess1 explain the situation and make special arrangements for food that he can eat4 ,this is excusable if he is on a diet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing a fastidious preference4 ,so many people are vegetarians nowadays that the hostess will make provision for them and she should in planning her menus consult the individual tastes of the guests who are under her roof4 ,perhaps a guest is unwisely invited to a house-party where someone he or she particularly dislikes is also a guest4 ,in this case it is a mark of extreme discourtesy to complain to the host or hostess1 or in any way to show disrespect or dislike towards the other guest4 ,to purposely ignore him or her1 obviously to show one's prejudice1 is very rude4 ,it is most disconcerting to the host for either of them to show discontent or to leave the house party because of the unwelcome presence of the other4 ,it is best for them to be formally courteous to each other and not in any way to interfere with the enjoyment of the other members of the house party or of the host and hostess who are responsible for it4 ,to return to the hostess1 she has two very important duties--not to neglect her guests1 but to provide them with ample amusement and entertainment1 and again1 not to weary them by too much attention4 ,she may go out during the day if she pleases1 either to visit friends or to do shopping1 but she must always be at home for dinner4 ,and she must not go out so often that the guests will begin to feel slighted4 ,the good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the disposal of their guests their entire house and grounds1 including their books1 horses1 cars1 tennis courts and golf links4 ,the duty of the guest is to avail himself of these privileges with delicacy1 neither abusing them nor hesitating to use them at all4 ,there are some guests who have a tact of perception1 an ease and poise of manner1 a savoir faire and calm1 kind disposition that makes them welcome everywhere4 ,they are never petty1 never disagreeable1 never quarrelsome1 never grouchy4 ,it is a pleasure to include them in the house party--and they are invariably included4 ,,tipping ,,the ,,servants ,the question of feeing or tipping the servants has always been a puzzling one4 ,it may be of advantage here to give an approximate idea of what the fees should be and to whom they should be given4 ,attending circumstances1 of course1 always govern the exact conditions4 ,very often guests1 both men and women1 unable to estimate correctly what amount is befitting the servants' services1 tip lavishly and without any regard for services4 ,this borders on the ostentatious1 and hence1 may be considered vulgar4 ,here are the recognized tips expected of a single woman3 for the maid who keeps her room in order1 one dollar or a dollar and a half4 7,these figures are based on a period of a week's stay74 ,if this maid has also helped the guest in her dressing1 and preparing the bath for her1 two or two and a half dollars are the customary fee4 ,a tip of from one to two dollars must be given to the maid who waits on the guest at the table1 and if a chauffeur takes her from and to the station1 a dollar is his usual fee4 ,a bachelor is expected to be somewhat more generous with his tips4 ,the boy who cleans and polishes his boots and shoes receives a fee of fifty or seventy-five cents4 ,when a married couple is visiting1 they usually divide the tips between them4 ,the wife gives the maid a dollar or a dollar and a half1 and the husband tips the men servants4 ,the butler should receive two dollars at least1 and if he has rendered many special services both to the man and his wife1 he should undoubtedly receive two or three dollars more4 ,on some occasions the cook is remembered1 and the gentleman sends her a dollar or two in recognition of her culinary art4 ,it must be remembered1 however1 that there are no established rules of tipping1 and no precedent to go by4 ,one must be guided by the extent of his income and by the services rendered4 ,one more word in closing this chapter4 ,not everyone can afford to give elaborate house parties4 ,but this need not interfere with one's hospitality4 ,the host or hostess who is discouraged from offering friends simple entertainment because of someone else's magnificent parties1 should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure in the knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably as they can4 ,to do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than to do a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display4 ,in homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in the work around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that she prefers for them not to do it4 ,after the visit the guest may send some little gift in appreciation of the hospitality enjoyed4 ,a bit of household linen1 a book1 flowers1 or candy are most appropriate4 ,this is one case where an unsuitable gift is inexcusable for ample opportunity has been given the donor to study the needs and desires of the hostess4 ,within ten days after her departure the guest should write a bread-and-butter letter to her hostess4 ,this is simply a grateful expression of appreciation for the hospitality which she enjoyed during her visit4 ,great care should be taken to avoid stilted forms4 ,,chapter ,v ,,when ,,the ,,bachelor ,,entertains ,,when ,,the ,,bachelor ,,is ,,host ,until very recently1 the bachelor was rarely a host1 was rarely expected to entertain4 ,in fact1 some people considered it unconventional to attend a bachelor entertainment4 ,but with the tremendous increase of bachelor apartments and bachelor hotels and even bachelor clubs1 it is now quite the usual custom for him to entertain friends at dinner parties1 theater parties1 teas and in almost any other way which strikes his fancy4 ,however1 no bachelor should invite guests to his home unless he has a full retinue of servants to care for their wants4 ,there should be no confusion1 no awkwardness4 ,if he is a professional man--an artist1 author or musician--he may entertain guests at his studio without servants1 except perhaps one to attend to the buffet supper which is most usual at such functions4 ,but that is the only exception2 a large entertainment in a bachelor's establishment requires as careful preparation as a fashionable social function in a well-regulated household4 ,when an unmarried man gives house parties1 dinners or entertainments of any kind whatever1 he always asks a married woman of his acquaintance to act as chaperon4 ,she should be the first person invited1 and the usual method of invitation is a personal call at her home4 ,,welcoming ,,the ,,guests ,the host receives his guests at the door1 welcoming each one with outstretched hand1 and introducing immediately to the chaperon or chaperons those guests whom they do not already know4 ,when the reception is a particularly large one1 a man servant usually awaits the guests at the door and the host receives in the drawing-room4 ,the question has arisen on various occasions1 whether or not the bachelor is expected to provide dressing-rooms for his guests4 ,if as many as thirty or forty are expected the bedrooms may be made to serve the purpose of dressing-rooms for the evening4 ,the matter is one entirely dependent upon circumstances and convenience when the entertainment is held in the home of the bachelor himself2 but when a large entertainment is given in a hall1 dressing-rooms are of course essential4 ,very often1 when the reception is held in the bachelor's own apartments1 where there is only one servant1 the chaperon is asked to pour the tea while the host himself serves it4 ,this is a very pretty custom2 it certainly lends dignity and impressiveness to the bachelor entertainment to see a charming matron at the head of the table4 ,and by having the bachelor himself serve the refreshments1 a certain companionship and friendliness is created among the guests4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,dinner ,although he is not expected to retaliate in the matter of invitations to dinners and luncheons1 the bachelor often gives dinner parties4 ,for the host is no less eager to entertain than the hostess1 and many unmarried men find keen pleasure in gathering their friends about them for a pleasant evening4 ,in detail1 the bachelor's dinner1 formal or informal1 is very much like the ordinary dinner4 ,the same holds true of the luncheon or supper party4 ,the menu may be identical1 if he pleases2 but often an elaborate ,chinese1 ,french or ,italian menu is decided upon as a novelty4 ,if the guests are all gentlemen1 one butler may attend to all their wants1 including the serving of the courses4 ,but if there are ladies in the party1 the chaperon must be present1 and perhaps one or two white-capped maids to serve the dinner4 ,if the dinner is given in honor of a lady1 her seat is always at the right of the host at the table4 ,if there is no guest of honor1 this place is filled by the matron who is serving as chaperon4 ,it is she who makes the first move to leave the dining-room4 ,the host must extend cordial thanks to the chaperon when she is ready to depart4 ,it is usually upon her good judgment and influence that the success of the dinner depends1 and surely the host owes her a debt of gratitude if everything has run smoothly and pleasantly4 ,he also bids his guests a cordial adieu and graciously accepts their thanks for a pleasant evening4 ,music is often provided for the entertainment of the guests after a dinner-party4 ,it is not unusual for the host to obtain the services of well-known professional singers and players for the evening4 ,,tea ,,at ,a ,,bachelor ,,apartment ,the bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends and entertain them at his home1 may safely choose the afternoon tea without apprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments4 ,of course a chaperon is necessary1 as she is at all his entertainments2 but there is less restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any other social function4 ,invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set for the tea4 ,guests may include both sexes2 but if there are only gentlemen1 they may be invited verbally4 ,the tea is served in the dining-room1 or if he wishes1 the host may have small tea tables laid out in the drawing-room4 ,a silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing1 and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen4 ,if ladies are present1 either the chaperon may pour1 or a servant4 ,refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches1 assorted cakes and wafers1 salted almonds1 confections and tea4 ,if there are some among the guests who do not drink tea1 chocolate may be served4 ,as they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests to the door bidding him or her a cordial good-by4 ,the chaperon must be especially thanked for her service and shown particular deference4 ,indeed1 her host should accompany her after the reception1 to her own door if she is without car or escort4 ,,the ,,bachelor ,,dance ,wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge balls and dances4 ,dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to the dance4 ,a fashionable ball of this kind is sometimes given for the important purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative to society4 ,the ball is rarely1 if ever1 held in the bachelor's own apartments4 ,he hires a hall for the occasion1 and arranges with several of his married friends to act as chaperons4 ,they also receive with him and help him introduce the guests4 ,as these arrive1 they divest themselves of their wraps1 in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose1 and then are received in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons4 ,introductions are made1 and the music and dancing begins4 ,there are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavish fashion2 but the simpler entertainments1 if they have the correct spirit of cordial hospitality1 go a long way in establishing the desired relationship between the host and his friends4 ,after all1 it is the little things that count2 and little courtesies may fittingly repay elaborate ceremonials and fashionable functions1 if they are offered in sincere friendliness and warmth4 ,,theater ,,parties ,always a favorite with the bachelor1 the theater party has recently become his main forte4 ,first in importance1 of course1 is the selection of a play1 a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitors the host intends to invite4 ,there is nothing more disturbing than to invite one's friends to a play1 and then to feel that they have not enjoyed it4 ,in selecting something light and amusing1 or else the performance of some celebrated star1 the host is comparatively sure of pleasing most of his guests4 ,another important point is to bring together only congenial people for the theater party4 ,one person out of harmony with the rest will spoil the whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the most elaborately planned garden party4 ,it is important to select only those people whose tastes and temperaments blend4 ,invitations are informal4 ,a brief1 cordial note hand-written on personal stationery is preferred1 although some men like to use their club stationery4 ,the name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation4 ,an immediate response is expected1 as the host must be given sufficient time to choose another guest1 if for some reason1 the one invited cannot attend4 ,men and women may be invited to the theater party1 and if there are married couples in the party1 a chaperon is not particularly necessary4 ,,yachting ,,parties ,when a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on his yacht1 or to take a short cruise1 it is absolutely bad form to omit the chaperon4 ,she must be a married woman1 and she may join the party with or without her husband4 ,another important point regarding yachting parties2 the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to and from the shore1 and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one as he arrives1 and assist him to the deck of the yacht4 ,in giving entertainments1 the bachelor must remember that no special social obligations are expected of him4 ,he need not be lavish in his dinners and parties1 unless he wishes to and can afford it4 ,simple entertainments1 given in the spirit of good fellowship and hospitality1 are always appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen friendships4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,,musicales ,,and ,,private ,,theatricals ,,preparations ,,for ,,the ,,musicale ,the only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of the evening's gathering1 is at the musicale4 ,here it is the sole entertainment of the evening1 and it reigns supreme4 ,in preparing for a musicale1 invitations should be engraved and issued at least ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion4 ,in inviting her guests1 the hostess must be sure that she includes only those among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciate good music1 and who enjoy it for itself alone4 ,it is not wise to include people who are not fond of music 7if there really are any such people67 for they are likely to be bored1 and instead of listening quietly to the selections1 talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who are anxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians4 ,the invitations to a musicale require prompt answers4 ,the third person should be used in both invitations and answers1 as the occasion is strictly a formal one4 ,the drawing-room1 in which the musicale is ordinarily held1 should be bare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano1 chairs for the performers1 and seats for the guests4 ,programs may be printed sufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale2 they always serve as appropriate mementos4 ,,the ,,afternoon ,,musicale ,the usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six4 ,it is considerably less formal than a similar affair in the evening1 although still requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations and replies4 ,it is usual1 in issuing invitations for musicales1 whether held in afternoon or evening1 to have the word ,music engraved in the lower left-hand corner4 ,if a famous musician is to play his name may appear on the invitation4 ,the musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of the hostess1 and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are4 ,sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumental selections4 ,all professional singers and players are paid for their services1 unless they themselves offer them free4 ,it is very bad form indeed1 to invite a singer or player as a guest1 and then expect him to give his services4 ,and yet it is done so often1 by hostesses who think that they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letter of its law6 ,if the performers are friends of the hostess she should present each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of her gratitude for their services4 ,the lighter music should always be played first1 retaining the important numbers for the end4 ,many hostesses1 when they have a famous professional for the afternoon's entertainment1 start the musicale with singing or playing by unimportant persons1 and end it with the performance of the celebrated professional4 ,it is always pleasing to the guests--and also the professional himself4 ,the hostess1 in receiving her guests1 stands in the drawing-room and greets each one as he or she arrives4 ,when the music begins1 she seats herself near the door1 and whenever a tardy guest arrives1 sees that he is comfortably seated4 ,incidentally1 it is bad form to come late to a musicale2 it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike4 ,guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale4 ,the chairs are removed from the drawing-room and ices1 punch1 little cakes and bonbons are served4 ,as the guests leave1 it is customary for them to thank the hostess for her entertainment4 ,,the ,,evening ,,musicale ,similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there are several details that are strikingly different4 ,it may be held any time in the evening4 ,again the hostess receives in the drawing-room1 and again the selections may be either vocal or instrumental4 ,but the general appearance of the entire affair is more ceremonious1 more formal4 ,and after the musicale1 instead of simple refreshments1 an elaborate supper is usually given4 ,this supper may consist of jellied bouillon1 roast meats1 salads1 ices1 confections1 punches and coffee4 ,if an important singer or player contributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited to join the guests4 ,after supper the guests converse for a half hour or so1 and depart4 ,,card ,,parties ,,at ,,the ,,musicale ,very often1 instead of giving a dinner1 a hostess will arrange several small tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated4 ,she will serve light refreshments1 such as dainty sandwiches1 salads1 muffins1 bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee4 ,after the light repast1 the tables will be cleared and cards brought out4 ,if the hostess decides to have cards1 after the musicale1 she must mention it in the invitation4 ,the guests may attend only the musicale1 if they wish1 and leave when the other guests begin the card game4 ,but if the musicale is held in the evening1 and supper is served1 the guest who remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesy and politeness4 ,if he does not wish to play he may watch the others and join in the conversation during the intervals between games4 ,,duties ,,of ,,guests ,,at ,,musicales ,the one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain absolute silence during the selections4 ,it is an unforgivable breach of etiquette to speak1 fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the numbers are being performed4 ,encores are permissible1 but loud applause is undeniably vulgar4 ,silence1 interest and attention characterize the ideal guest at the private concert4 ,another duty of the guest is to be prompt4 ,it is very disagreeable to the performers1 and to the hostess1 to have guests arrive late and disturb everyone4 ,however1 if one is unavoidably late1 to offer profuse apologies1 while the musicians are performing1 is to make matters worse by prolonging the disturbance4 ,instead the guest should nod1 take his or her seat1 and after the musicale1 seek out the hostess and offer apologies for not having been on time4 ,in taking leave of the hostess1 cordial thanks for her entertainment are in order4 ,remarks about the playing of the guests are not very good form1 especially if they are in adverse criticism4 ,a word of sincere praise1 however1 is never amiss4 ,,dress ,,at ,,the ,,musicale ,dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasion were an elaborate reception1 and if it is given in the evening formal evening dress is worn4 ,in the summer this convention may be set aside in favor of comfort4 ,,arranging ,,private ,,theatricals ,everyone enjoys private theatricals1 amateur and otherwise--the hostess1 the guests1 and the actors and actresses themselves4 ,it is an ideal means of entertainment4 ,in arranging a private theatrical1 which is almost invariably an amateur venture1 the first important thing to do is to find a play which is adapted to that talent which is available4 ,it is wise to appoint a committee to read numerous plays and select for final consideration those that seem best fitted to the type of actors and actresses available4 ,if one of the young men is naturally witty and bubbling over with hilarity and good fun1 he must not be given a part that necessitates grave and solemn behavior4 ,if he1 and the other actors1 are given parts not suited to them1 the play is doomed to failure before it is even staged4 ,unless the performers have had some experience in theatricals it is best to choose a comedy--for even a ,greek tragedy in all its poignant simplicity may become a farce in the hands of unskilful actors4 ,rehearsals are of vital importance4 ,the members of the cast must rehearse and rehearse and rehearse again until they know their parts perfectly4 ,they must be punctual and regular in their attendance of the rehearsals2 continually to miss them is to spoil the play and a lack of preparation on the part of one actor is unfair to the others1 for ultimate success depends on each one of the players4 ,the performance is usually given in the drawing-room of the host who issues the invitations1 which1 by the way1 must be sent out two or three weeks in advance4 ,the host must arrange for stage1 lighting effects1 seating facilities and all the other incidental details4 ,,the ,,players ,in assigning parts care must be taken1 as was pointed out above1 in selecting that character which is most in accord with the player's own character4 ,this is so important that it cannot be over-emphasized4 ,and when finally the correct part is chosen for him1 he must learn his lines so thoroughly that he will be able1 figuratively1 to say them in his sleep4 ,costumes for the play may be obtained from any theatrical supply house4 ,they must be of the style prevalent at the date of the play2 ,colonial clothes in a ,mid-,victorian setting foredoom the play to failure4 ,a curtain may also be hired from a theatrical supply house1 but it is very simple to adjust one made at home by means of brass rings such as are used in hanging portieres4 ,there should be a separation in the center so that the curtain may be drawn back from both sides4 ,footlights may consist of a row of small electric lights1 or a row of reflector lamps will impart the desired effect to the improvised stage4 ,for wings1 large ,japanese screens will do or they1 too1 may be hired from the people who supply the costumes4 ,to give the effect of lightning1 a magnesia torch is most effective4 ,thunder is simulated by beating slowly on a bass drum4 ,hoof beats seem quite real when produced by beating two cocoanut shells on marble4 ,the danger of stage fright can be lessened and almost obliterated after a sufficient number of rehearsals1 and with that poise and self-confidence that comes with true culture1 one should be able to stand before the largest audience without embarrassment or nervousness4 ,it is one of the rewards of correct training4 ,,the ,,guests ,as in the musicale1 silence is essential4 ,there is nothing more disconcerting to actors than to notice whispering1 giggling or lack of interest in the audience4 ,whether the play is worthy of interest or not1 courtesy towards guests and performers demands the appearance of interest4 ,guests must answer invitations promptly4 ,in fact1 in almost every detail1 attending a theatrical given in the home of a friend requires the same etiquette as is observed at a fashionable evening musicale4 ,in departing1 the hostess must be cordially thanked for the pleasant evening1 and if the actors are friends of the assemblage and join the guests after the play1 they1 too1 must be thanked for their share of the entertainment4 ,,host ,,and ,,hostess ,the host and hostess usually receive together at private theatricals4 ,they stand together at the door of the drawing-room1 welcome each guest and make the necessary introductions4 ,when the curtain is drawn1 they take seats near the back and rise to greet any delinquent guest4 ,after the play a supper may be served4 ,if the actors are friends they join in the supper4 ,but sometimes these private theatricals are not amateurish1 but given by professionals1 in which case the etiquette is somewhat different1 and the performers may or may not be invited1 as the hostess chooses4 ,engraved cards are issued1 and in the lower left-hand corner appears the name of the play and the leading actor 7if he happens to be a celebrity74 ,the guests are expected to arrive at a definite hour1 and lateness in this case is inexcusable4 ,if the professional players do not offer their services free1 they must receive remuneration for them4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,dancing ,,dancing ,,as ,a ,,healthful ,,art ,dancing is an art4 ,more than that1 it is a healthful art4 ,in its graceful movements1 cadenced rhythms1 and expressive charms are evident the same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music1 sculpture1 painting4 ,and it is through these expressions of emotion1 through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthful art1 for it imparts to the body--and mind--a poise and strength without which no one can be quite happy4 ,it is because the vital importance of dancing on the mind and body has been universally recognized1 that it has been added to the curriculum of public schools in almost every country4 ,we find the youngsters revelling in folk-dances1 and entering dancing games with a spirit that gives vigor to their bodies1 balance and grace to their movements4 ,consider1 for a moment1 the irresistible witchery of music1 of rhythmic cadences4 ,we hear the martial note of the drum1 and unconsciously our feet beat time4 ,we hear the first deep chords of the orchestra1 and involuntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure4 ,with the soft1 mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemn vastness of a mountain beside a gayly rippling stream4 ,with the deep1 sonorous bursts of triumphant melody1 we are transported to the ocean's edge1 where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy4 ,thoughts of sorrow1 of gladness1 of joy1 of hope surge through us and cry for expression4 ,dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions4 ,then let us dance1 for in dancing we find poise and strength and balance4 ,let us dance for in dancing we find joy1 pleasure1 hope4 ,it is the language of the feelings1 and nature meant it for the expression of those feelings4 ,it is only when dancing is confined to hot1 crowded rooms where the atmosphere is unwholesome1 that it loses its healthful influence on mind and body4 ,but where there is plenty of room and fresh air1 plenty of good1 soul-inspiring music--we say dance1 young and old alike1 dance for the keen pleasure and joy of the dance itself1 and for the health that follows in its wake6 ,,dance-,,giving ,,no ,,longer ,a ,,luxury ,the day of the strictly formal dance1 entailing elaborate suppers1 pretentious decorations and large orchestras has passed4 ,in its place is the simple1 enjoyable1 inexpensive dance which is at once the delight of the guests and the pride of the hostess4 ,simplicity is the keynote of the modern ball4 ,a piano and two stringed instruments usually comprise the entire orchestra4 ,the charm of the home is no longer spoiled by overdecoration2 a vase or two containing the flowers of the season offer the sole touch of festivity4 ,there are1 of course1 numerous personal innovations that may be instituted2 but as the guests are assembled for dancing1 space and a good floor and plenty of fresh air are the primary and paramount requisites4 ,light refreshments have taken the place of the large suppers of not so long ago4 ,hostesses no longer feel over-burdened with a sense of obligation4 ,the dance has become simple and inexpensive2 and because it is also so thoroughly enjoyable and healthful1 it has become a favorite sport1 especially during the cooler months4 ,,the ,,debut ,,dance ,perhaps the most important dance of all is that given in honor of the debutante4 ,no matter how large or formal a dance may be1 it is never called a ball in the invitation4 ,the latter is used only in case of a large public dance or function4 ,the usual at home form of invitation is used1 and in the lower left-hand corner the word dancing is printed4 ,the name of the young debutante may be included if it is so desired1 although it is not essential4 ,but if it is an evening occasion1 the name of both host and hostess must appear on the invitation4 ,whether the dance is held in her own home or in a hall hired for the occasion1 the hostess receives and welcomes each guest4 ,she may be assisted by several of her friends who are well-known in society4 ,her daughter stands beside her and is introduced to those of her mother's guests whom she has not already met4 ,the debutante has her first partner selected for her by her mother4 ,she may not dance with one man more than once on the occasion of her introduction to society4 ,but she is expected to dance every dance1 returning to receive guests during the intervals4 ,sometimes the young debutante has several of her chums receiving with her for the first half hour4 ,she offers her hand to every guest who arrives1 and introduces in turn the friends who are assisting her4 ,the father of the debutante may receive with his wife1 but his duty is more to see that all the women have partners1 and that the chaperons are taken into supper4 ,he also sees that the gentlemen do their duty as dancers instead of remaining in the dressing room to smoke and chat4 ,the hostess does not dance at all1 or if she does1 it is usually late in the evening4 ,she remains at her post at the door1 welcoming guests and seeing that all shy men get partners and all the young girls have a good time4 ,one paramount duty of the hostess is so to arrange her invitations that there will be very many more men than women2 this eliminates the chance of there being any unhappy wallflowers4 ,another consideration is to arrange the chairs in informal little groups instead of close to the walls in a solemn and dreary line4 ,,costume ,,balls ,the costume ball is conducted very much on the same order as the formal ball4 ,the invitations are issued two or three weeks before the date set for the dance1 and as for the debut dance1 the word ball does not appear on it4 ,instead the words ,costumes of the ,twelfth ,century or ,shakespearean ,costumes or whatever may be decided upon are printed in the lower left-hand corner of usual at home cards4 ,in selecting a fancy costume1 one must be careful to choose only what is individually becoming4 ,it must be in perfect harmony with one's personality4 ,to assume a character that is in every way opposed to one's own character is unwise and ungratifying4 ,a sedate1 quiet young miss should not choose a ,folly ,costume4 ,nor should a jolly1 vivacious young lady elect to emulate ,martha ,washington4 ,and furthermore1 a character must not be merely dressed--it must be lived4 ,the successful costume ball must be realistic4 ,,subscription ,,dances ,what is the purpose of the subscription dance8 ,the question is a common one4 ,and the answer is simple4 ,a subscription dance is given for the same reason that any other dance is given--to be surrounded by one's friends1 to enjoy music and dancing1 and generally to have a good time4 ,it is conducted very much on the order of the formal dance1 except that it is semi-public and is usually held in a public hall4 ,there is no host or hostess1 of course2 their place is held by an appointed committee or by the patronesses of the dance4 ,they stand at the door of the ballroom to welcome guests1 and they may either offer their hands or bow in greeting4 ,it is the duty of the patronesses to introduce those of the guests who are not already acquainted4 ,each subscriber to the dance has the privilege of inviting a certain number of friends to the function4 ,or1 if the membership decide to give several periodic dances1 he is entitled to invite a certain number of friends to each one of them4 ,the invitations are issued two weeks ahead and require a prompt acceptance or regrets4 ,sometimes elaborate suppers are served at the subscription dance1 the money for the expenses having been appropriated from the subscription fees for the entertainment4 ,or simple refreshments1 such as dainty sandwiches1 salads1 ices1 cakes and punch1 may be served at small1 round tables4 ,in departing1 it is not considered necessary to take leave of the patronesses4 ,however1 if they are on duty at the door1 a cordial word or two of consideration for their efforts may be extended4 ,,the ,,ballroom ,everything in the ballroom should suggest gayety1 light and beauty4 ,the floor1 of course1 is the most important detail4 ,a polished hardwood floor offers the most pleasing surface for dancing4 ,if the wood seems sticky1 paraffine wax adds a smoothness that actually tempts one to dance4 ,flowers are always pleasing4 ,huge ferns may grace unexpected corners and greens may add a festive note1 if the hostess so desires4 ,but there must not be an obvious attempt at decoration4 ,rather nothing at all1 than so very much that it borders on the ostentatious4 ,in fact1 the dance is tending more and more to become a simple and unpretentious function4 ,the elaborate decorations and fashionable conventions that attended the minuet and quadrille of several decades ago have given way to a jolly informality which makes the dance so delightful and popular a way of entertaining4 ,,music ,,at ,,the ,,dance ,the music1 of course1 is important4 ,a piano and one or two stringed instruments are sufficient4 ,the musicians should be hidden behind a cluster of palms1 or placed in a balcony4 ,ordinarily the selections are arranged previously by the hostess4 ,she must also arrange for encores1 and should make provision for special selections which the guests may desire4 ,,dance ,,programs ,the dance program is rarely used now except at college dances1 or army and navy dances4 ,it has lost prestige with the passing of the old-fashioned ball4 ,but sometimes there are special occasions when the hostess wishes to have programs1 in which case they serve not only as pretty and convenient adjuncts to the occasion1 but as appropriate mementos4 ,gilt-edged cards attached with a silk cord and provided with a tiny pencil are pretty when an attractive little sketch or a bit of verse enlivens the front cover4 ,each dance is entered on the program--and many a delightful memory is kept alive by glancing at these names days after the dance was held4 ,these programs may be filled beforehand or they may be filled at the dance4 ,,dinner ,,dances ,at the dinner dance1 the hostess issues two sets of invitations1 one for those whom she wishes to invite for dinner and dance both1 and one for those whom she wishes to invite to the dance only4 ,for the former the ordinary dinner invitation may be issued1 with the words ,dancing at ,nine added in the left-hand corner4 ,for the latter1 the ordinary at home invitation with the same words ,dancing at ,nine added also in the left-hand corner is correct form4 ,often the hostess has a buffet supper instead of a dinner4 ,all the guests partake of this refreshment4 ,on a long table1 decorated with flowers1 are salads1 sandwiches1 ices1 jellies and fruits which may be partaken of throughout the entire evening4 ,sometimes hot bouillon is also served1 and very often a midnight supper is given at which hot courses are in order4 ,if a dance is scheduled to be held in the ballroom of a hotel1 the guests who are invited to dinner may be served in the dining-room of that hotel4 ,the small tables are usually decorated with lamps and flowers for the occasion1 and the dinner may be ordered by the hostess several days in advance4 ,,dressing ,,rooms ,whether the dance be large or small1 dressing rooms1 or coat rooms1 as they are sometimes called1 are essential for the convenience of the guests4 ,there must be one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies1 each properly furnished4 ,it is usual to have a maid servant in attendance in the dressing room set apart for the ladies4 ,she helps them relieve themselves of their wraps when they arrive1 and to don them again when they are ready to depart4 ,a dressing-table1 completely furnished with hand-mirror1 powder1 perfume and a small lamp1 should be provided4 ,a full-size mirror is always appreciated4 ,sometimes1 when a great number of guests are expected1 a checking system is devised to simplify matters and aid the maid in identifying the wraps4 ,the men's dressing room may be provided with a smoking table supplied with all the necessary requisites for smoking1 matches1 ash-trays1 cigar-cutters1 etc4 ,here also a servant is usually on hand to offer the gentleman his service wherever it is needed4 ,,the ,,dance ,there is a lesser formality1 a greater gayety in the ballroom of to-day4 ,the dance-card and program are no longer enjoying unrivaled vogue as they did when our grandmothers' danced the waltz and cotillon4 ,the pauses between dances are shorter4 ,something of the old dignity is gone1 but in its place is a new romance that is perhaps more gratifying4 ,it is not a romance of the ,mid-,victorian period1 or a romance that carries with it the breath of mystery4 ,it is a strangely companionable and level-headed romance which pervades the ballroom and makes everyone1 young and old1 man and woman1 want to get out on the floor and dance to the tune of the pretty melodies4 ,but the ballroom of good society1 must retain its dignity even while it indulges in the new romance of the dance4 ,it must observe certain little rules of good conduct without which it loses all the grace and charm which are the pride and inspiration of the dancing couples4 ,there is1 for instance1 the etiquette of asking a lady to dance1 and accepting the invitation in a manner graciously befitting the well-bred young lady of the twentieth century4 ,,when ,,the ,,lady ,,is ,,asked ,,to ,,dance ,before asking anyone else to dance1 the gentleman must request the first dance of the lady he escorted to the ball4 ,then he takes care that she has a partner for each dance1 and that she is never left a wallflower while he dances with some other lady4 ,at the conclusion of the dance1 the gentleman thanks the lady for the dance and goes off to find his next partner4 ,the lady does not seek her partner for the next dance1 if she has promised it to anyone1 but waits until he comes to claim her4 ,a man should never leave a woman standing alone on the floor4 ,,cutting ,,in ,a modern system of cutting in seems to be enjoying a vogue among our young people4 ,while a dance is in progress1 a young man may cut in and ask the lady to finish the dance with him4 ,if the dance has not been very long in progress1 and the young lady wishes to continue it1 she may nod and say1 ,the next time we pass here4 ,the dance continues around the room1 and when the couple reach the same place again1 the lady leaves her partner and finishes the dance with the young man who has cut in4 ,perhaps this custom of cutting in carries with it the merest suggestion of discourtesy1 but when we consider the informal gayety of the ballroom1 the keen and whole-hearted love of dancing1 we can understand why the privilege is extended4 ,like many another privilege1 it becomes distasteful when it is abused4 ,it is not good form for a couple to dance together so many times as to make themselves conspicuous4 ,men should not neglect their duty as dancers because they prefer to smoke or simply to act as spectators4 ,,dancing ,,positions ,dancing has been revolutionized since the day when the ,german waltz was first introduced to polite society4 ,and it is safe to say that some of our austere granddames would feel righteously indignant if they were suddenly brought back to the ballroom and forced to witness some of the modern dance innovations6 ,there seems to be an attempt1 on the part of the younger generation 7although the older generation is not so very far behind67 to achieve absolute freedom of movement1 to go through the dance with a certain unrestrained impulsiveness unknown to the minuet or graceful quadrille4 ,these newer dances and dancing interpretations are charming and entertaining2 and yet there is the possibility of their becoming vulgar if proper dancing positions are not taken4 ,the position is especially important in the latest dances4 ,in guiding a lady across the polished floor to the tune of a simple waltz or a gay fox-trot1 the gentleman encircles her waist half way with his right arm1 laying the palm of his hand lightly just above the waist line4 ,with his left hand1 he holds her right at arm's length in the position most comfortable for both of them1 taking special care not to hold it in an awkward or ungainly position4 ,his face is always turned slightly to the left1 while hers usually faces front or slightly to the right4 ,the girl should place her left arm on her partner's right arm4 ,she must follow him and not try to lead the dance herself4 ,when the dance requires certain swaying movements1 as almost all modern dances do1 the lady inclines her body in harmony with that of her partner1 and if the proper care is taken to retain one's poise and dignity1 not even a most exacting chaperon can find fault with the new steps4 ,,when ,,the ,,guest ,,does ,,not ,,dance ,always at a dance1 formal or informal1 there are guests who do not dance4 ,usually they are men1 for there is rarely a woman who does not know the steps of the latest dances--that is1 if she ever does accept invitations at all4 ,but the guest who does not dance is one of the unfortunate things the hostess has to put up with at every one of her dances4 ,and there is rarely ever an excuse for it4 ,every man who mingles in society at all1 who enjoys the company of brilliant women and attractive young ladies1 who accepts the invitations of hostesses1 is failing in his duty when he offers as an excuse the fact that he doesn't know how to dance--for there are sufficient schools of dancing in every city and town where the latest steps can be learned quickly4 ,if for any reason1 a gentleman does not know how to dance1 and does not want to learn1 he may make up for it by entertaining the chaperons while their charges are dancing1--conversing with them1 walking about with them and escorting them to the refreshment table1 and altogether show by his kind attentiveness that he realizes his deficiency and wishes to make up for it4 ,to lounge in the dressing-room1 smoking and chatting with other gentlemen is both unfair to the hostess and essentially rude in the matter of ballroom etiquette4 ,the true gentleman would rather decline an invitation than be unfair to his hostess and her guests in this respect4 ,,public ,,dances ,very often public dances are given in honor of some special occasion or a celebrated guest4 ,they are very much like private dances1 except that a specially appointed committee fulfills the position and duties of the hostess4 ,at most public balls1 the committee is composed of men and women who wear badges to indicate their position1 and who stand at the door to receive and welcome each guest4 ,these men and women do not dance the first dance1 but wait until later in the evening when they are quite sure that all the guests have arrived2 and then they are always back at their duty during the intervals between dances4 ,guests arriving at a public dance greet the patronesses with a smile of welcome and a word or two1 but rarely offer their hands to be shaken unless the ladies serving as patronesses take the initiative4 ,they may stay for one or two dances1 or throughout the whole evening1 as they prefer2 and when departing1 it is not necessary to seek out the patronesses and bid them good-by4 ,engraved invitations are usually issued three weeks before the date set for the ball4 ,on these cards the names of the patronesses are also engraved4 ,if the entrance to the ball is by purchased ticket1 such as is always the case when the ball is given for some charity1 the invitations must be preserved and shown at the entrance4 ,sometimes a supper is included in the arrangement of the public ball1 and in such case a caterer is engaged to attend to all details1 including servants4 ,a buffet supper is always the most pleasing and satisfactory as the guests may partake of the foods when they desire and there is no confusion or interruption to the dance4 ,hot bouillon1 various meats1 salads1 cakes1 ices1 fruits and confections are an ideal menu4 ,coffee or punch is sometimes added4 ,when a public ball is given in honor of some special person1 that person must be met on his arrival and immediately introduced to the women on the reception committee and escorted to the seat reserved for him4 ,he must be attended throughout the evening1 introduced to everyone he does not know1 and all his wants carefully taken care of4 ,when he departs1 he must be escorted to his carriage1 and if he is a celebrated personage thanked for his presence--although truly cultured gentlemen prefer not to have this honor paid them4 ,a public ball is either a tremendous success or a miserable failure4 ,there is no in-between4 ,and the success or failure rests solely on the good judgment and influence of the ladies and gentlemen of the committees1 including1 of course1 those who receive4 ,to mingle freely among the guests1 to join in the conversation1 to introduce guests to each other and find partners for the wallflowers--all these little services tend to arouse a spirit of friendliness and harmony that cannot but result in an evening that will be long remembered in the minds of every guest4 ,a ,,plea ,,for ,,dancing ,lately there has been a great deal of unfavorable criticism directed against the modern dances4 ,there have been newspaper articles condemning the latest dance fads as immoral and degrading4 ,there have been speeches and lectures against shaking and twisting of the body into weird1 outlandish contortions4 ,there have been vigorous crusades against dance halls4 ,and all because a few ill-bred1 fun-loving1 carefree young people wrongly interpreted the new dances in their own way and gave to the steps the vulgar abandon appropriate only to the cheap vaudeville stage or the low dance hall4 ,dancing1 even the shoulder-shaking1 oscillating dancing of to-day1 is really not intended to be vulgar or immoral at all1 despite the crusades of the anti-immorality dancing committees6 ,what is dancing1 after all1 if not the expression of one's ideals and emotions8 ,it is only the man or woman with a vulgar mind1 with base ideals1 who will give a vulgar interpretation to a dance of any kind4 ,but the essentially fine girl1 the really well-bred man1 the people who1 by their poise and dignity have earned for ,america the envied title of ,republic of the ,aristocrats--they dance these latest creations for the sheer joy of the dance itself1 reveling in its newness1 enjoying the novelty of its different steps1 seeing nothing in its slow undulations or brisk little steps1 but art--a jazzy art1 to be sure1 but still the beautiful art of dancing4 ,and so we plead--let the younger generation enjoy its giddy waltzes and brisk-paced fox-trots and fancy new dances just as grandmother1 when she was young1 was allowed to enjoy the minuet and the slow waltz4 ,they are different1 yes1 and rather hard to accept after the dignified dances of not so long ago4 ,but they are picturesque1 to say the least1 and artistic4 ,the gracefully-swaying bodies1 keeping step in perfect harmony to the tunes of the newer symphony orchestras1 are delightful to watch2 and in good society1 young men and women can always be trusted to deport themselves with utter grace and poise4 ,the minuet was decidedly graceful4 ,the old ,german waltz with its dreamy1 haunting melody was beautiful as it was enjoyable4 ,but they have been relegated into the days of hoop skirts and powdered wigs4 ,to-day the jazzy dances are in vogue1 and society in its lowest and highest circles is finding intense pleasure in the whirling1 swirling dances decreed by fashion as her favorites4 ,why complain8 ,perhaps in another year or two1 these giddy-paced dances will be out of style and in their stead will be solemn1 slow dances more graceful and stately than even the minuet of yore4 ,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,dress ,,in ,,dancing ,immediately after the ,reign of ,terror1 ,france was plunged into a reckless round of unrestrained gayety that can come only from love of life and youth and laughter long pent-up4 ,it was as though an avalanche of joy had been released2 it was in reality the reaction from the terrors and nightmares of those two years of horror4 ,the people were free1 free to do as they pleased without the fear of the guillotine ever present2 and all ,france went mad with rejoicing4 ,it was then that dancing came into its own4 ,almost overnight huge dance halls sprang up4 ,the homes of wealthy aristocrats who had been sacrificed to the monster guillotine1 were converted into places for dancing4 ,every available inch of space was utilized for the dance4 ,and the more these freed people danced1 the more their spirits soared with the joy of life and living1 until they found in the dance itself the interpretation of freedom and all that it means4 ,a biographer who was an eye-witness of this madcap ,paris1 wrote in detail about the dance and the dress of these people4 ,he told how they dressed in the brightest clothes they could obtain1 for maddened with happiness as they were1 they instinctively felt that bright clothes would enliven their spirits4 ,and they did6 ,the room was a mass of swirling1 twirling figures1 the biographer writes1 men1 women and children in weird1 vivid clothes4 ,it seemed natural that they should be dancing so wildly in their wild costumes2 in their sabots and aprons of two months ago they would not have been able to take one step4 ,it is1 then1 the spirit of clothes that imparts to one the spirit of the dance4 ,we have mentioned these facts about the ,reign of ,terror to show what effect clothes do have on the spirit1 and incidentally to show what the ballroom owes to dress4 ,for it is undoubtedly the gayly-colored dance frock of the miss of the twentieth century1 and the strikingly immaculate dance suit of her partner that gives to the ballroom to-day much of its splendid brilliance4 ,,at ,,the ,,afternoon ,,dance ,there can be no comparison between the mad dance of freed ,france and the simple1 graceful dance of to-day4 ,yet we can see the effect of clothes in relation to both4 ,it is not often that dances are held in the afternoon1 but when the occasion does arise1 dress is just as gay and colorful as one can wear without being gaudy4 ,the decorous effect of these bright-colored costumes is what brings the giddy kaleidoscopic whirl of colors and costumes1 modes and manners that the historian speaks of when he mentions the ballroom4 ,for the afternoon dance1 we would suggest that the very young person choose the fluffiest and most becoming style which fashion permits4 ,trim it gaily1 but above all1 make it youthful--for youth and dancing are peculiarly allied4 ,the older woman will want a gown that is more suited to her years4 ,it may be of taffeta1 ,canton crepe or crepe-de-chine2 but satin is one of the materials that is preferred for more formal occasions than the afternoon dance4 ,the colors may be somber1 to match one's tastes1 but the trimming should have a note of gayety4 ,decollete is never worn at the afternoon dance4 ,short sleeves may be worn if ,fashion favors them at the time1 and the neck of the gown is also cut on the lines that agree with the prevalent mode4 ,but it is extremely bad taste1 even for a very celebrated guest of honor1 to attend the afternoon dance in a sleeveless1 decollete gown4 ,a late custom seems to favor the wearing of satin slippers to match the gown4 ,it is not by any means bad taste1 but patent leather or kid pumps are preferred for the afternoon1 reserving the more elaborate satin pumps for evening wear4 ,long white silk or kid gloves and a light-colored afternoon wrap complete the correct dress for the afternoon dance4 ,the hat1 of course1 depends on ,fashion's whim at the moment4 ,,gentlemen ,,at ,,the ,,dance ,in summer1 the gentleman may wear a complete suit of gray with a white duck waistcoat and light linen to the afternoon dance1 completing his costume with black patent leather shoes or oxford ties1 light gray gloves1 and straw hat with black and white band4 ,but whether it be for summer or winter1 the dark suit is always better taste4 ,it may be of serge1 twillet or homespun1 preference being given always to the conventional navy blue serge4 ,double-breasted models are appropriate for the young man2 single-breasted for the older4 ,light linen and bright ties are in full accordance with the gay colors worn by the women at the dance4 ,the coat may be the ordinary unlined1 straight hanging overcoat of thin material in a light color1 or it may be an attractive full-belted raglan coat of tan or brown fleece4 ,in either case it is worn with the conventional afternoon hat of the season4 ,,dress ,,for ,,the ,,ball ,when the dance is held in the evening1 it often assumes an air of formality4 ,it is at the ball that such important events as introducing one's daughter to society or celebrating the graduation of one's son from college1 takes place4 ,of course1 one wears one's most important jewels to the ball1 and indulges in a headdress that is a trifle more elaborate than usual4 ,the event is a brilliant one1 and if gaudiness and ostentation are conscientiously avoided1 one may dress as elaborately as one pleases4 ,this does not mean1 however1 that the woman whose purse permits only one evening gown1 need feel ill at ease or self-conscious at the ball1 for simplicity has a delightful attractiveness all its own1 and if the gown is well-made of excellent materials1 and in a style and color that is becoming1 one will be just as effectively dressed as the much-bejeweled dowager4 ,,dress ,,of ,,the ,,debutante ,a gown is chosen with much premeditated consideration for so momentous an occasion as being ushered into society4 ,the young lady does well to seek the advice of her friends who are already in society1 and of her modiste who knows by long experience just what is correct and becoming4 ,but perhaps we can give some advice here that will be helpful4 ,a delicately tinted gown1 in pastel shades1 or one that is pure white is preferred for the happy debutante4 ,tulle1 chiffon1 net and silk georgette are the most popular materials4 ,the style should be youthful and simple1 preferably bordering on the bouffant lines rather than on those that are more severely slender4 ,the neck may be cut square1 round or heart-shaped1 and elbow-length sleeves or full-length lace sleeves are preferred4 ,the sleeveless gown is rarely worn by the young debutante4 ,the debutante who wears many jewels displays poor taste4 ,just a string of softly glowing pearls1 or one small diamond brooch1 is sufficient4 ,her hair should be arranged simply in a ,french coil or youthful coiffure1 and should be wholly without ornamentation4 ,simplicity1 in fact1 is one of the charms of youth1 and the wise young person does not sacrifice it to over-elaboration1 even on the day of her debut4 ,,wraps ,,at ,,the ,,ball ,the woman wears her most elaborate evening wrap to the ball4 ,soft materials in light shades are suggested1 with trimmings of fur for the winter months4 ,a wrap of old blue or old rose velvet with a collar of white fox is becoming and attractive when it is within one's means4 ,but the simple wrap of cloth1 untrimmed1 is certainly better taste for the woman whose means are limited4 ,however1 discrimination should be shown in the selection of lines and colors4 ,a simple wrap1 well-cut1 and of fine material in a becoming shade1 is as appropriate and effective as a wrap completely of fur4 ,for the woman who must dress economically a dark loose coat of black satin is serviceable for many occasions4 ,hats are never worn to the ball4 ,a shawl or scarf of fine lace may be thrown over the hair and shoulders4 ,or a smaller shawl may be tied merely around the head4 ,satin pumps are worn1 usually with buckle trimmings2 and long gloves of white silk or kid1 or in a color to match the gown1 complete the outfit4 ,,ball ,,dress ,,for ,,men ,nothing less strictly formal than the complete full dress suit is worn by the gentleman at the evening ball4 ,his costume strikes a somber1 yet smart1 note4 ,whether it be summer or winter1 the gentleman wears the black full dress coat1 lapels satin-faced if he so desires1 and trousers to match4 ,full rolled waistcoat1 small bow-tie and stiff linen are all immaculately white4 ,patent leather pumps and black silk socks complete the outfit4 ,in summer1 the gentleman wears over his full dress suit a light unlined coat1 preferably black in color4 ,if the lapels of the suit are satin-faced1 the coat lapels may correspond4 ,white kid gloves are worn1 and a conventional silk hat4 ,in winter1 the coat may be a heavy1 dark-colored raglan1 although the ,chesterfield overcoat more suits his dignified dress4 ,with it he wears white kid gloves and a high silk hat or felt ,alpine as he prefers4 ,,for ,,the ,,simple ,,country ,,dance ,there can be nothing more picturesque and delightful than some of the pretty little social dances held in the smaller towns4 ,sometimes they are held in the afternoon2 more often in the evening1 but always they are a source of keen enjoyment both to the participants and to those who look on4 ,we are going to tell you about a dance held recently in the home of a social leader in a typical small town4 ,everyone of any consequence whatever attended1 and the occasion proved one worthy of remembrance in the social annals of the town4 ,there were perhaps one hundred and fifty women and one hundred men4 ,three rooms in the hostess' home were thrown open into one huge ballroom4 ,the dancing began at eight o'clock in the evening--rather early for the city1 but unusually late for this country town4 ,to a visitor from so gay a metropolis as ,new ,york1 the simplicity of the women's dress was a pleasing change4 ,they were in evening dress1 yes1--but a strangely more conservative evening dress than that described previously for the formal ball4 ,there were no sleeveless gowns1 no elaborate decolletes4 ,taffetas1 chiffons and silk brocades were developed simply into gowns of dignified charm4 ,one did not notice individual gowns1 for no one woman was dressed more elaborately than another4 ,this is what everyone should strive for--simplicity with charm and a complete absence of all conspicuousness4 ,illustration3 ,photo by ,george ,h4 ,davis1 ,jr4 ,courtesy of the ,woman's ,home ,companion ,,the ,,punch ,,table ,this is a very pleasing form of refreshment during the summer months ,fashion has been condemned4 ,women have been ridiculed for their extreme tastes4 ,as a matter of fact1 civilization owes dress a great debt1 and women have an inherent good taste4 ,and both these facts are forcibly proved at the country dance1 where simplicity and harmony of color combine to give an effect that is wholly delightful and charming4 ,the lesson we might take from this is that simplicity in dress has more beauty and effect than elaborate creations4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,,games ,,and ,,sport ,,why ,,the ,,world ,,plays ,all the world loves to play4 ,in childhood1 it is the very language of life4 ,in youth1 it vies with the sterner business of young manhood or womanhood4 ,when we are older and the days of childhood are but a fading memory1 we still have some hobby that offers recreation from our business and social duties4 ,it may be golf or tennis or billiards2 but it is play--and it is a relaxation4 ,it is a fundamental law of nature that we shall play in proportion to the amount of work we do4 ,the inevitable tired business man finds incentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours4 ,the busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able to devote exclusively to tennis4 ,the man or woman who does not play is missing one of the keenest pleasures of life4 ,but there is an etiquette of sport and games1 just as there is an etiquette of the ballroom and dinner table4 ,one must know how to conduct oneself on the golf links and at the chess table1 just as one must know how to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera4 ,and in one's play1 one must remember that touching little fable of the frogs who were stoned by boys1 in which the poor little creatures cried1 ,what is play to you is death to us4 ,be kind1 unselfish and fair4 ,do not sacrifice1 in the exciting joyousness of the game1 the little courtesies of social life4 ,remember ,burns' pretty bit of verse--we cannot resist the temptation of printing it here3 ,pleasures are like poppies spread1 ,you seize the flower1 its bloom is shed2 ,or1 like the snowfall on the river1 ,a moment white1 then melts forever4 ,,fair ,,play ,nothing so quickly betrays a person as unfairness in games4 ,it hardly seems necessary to mention it1 to caution anyone against it4 ,yet so many people are prone to believe that the courtesies we observe in social life1 may be entirely forgotten in the world of sport and pleasure--and that with them1 we may forget our scruples4 ,cheating is a harsh word and we do not want to use it4 ,but what other word can be used to describe unfairness1 to describe selfish discourtesies8 ,fair play is a jewel4 ,this proverb has been handed down to us among other old sayings of the ,danish1 and ,denmark loves its games and sports as few other countries do4 ,it was here that the game of ,bridge first had its inception4 ,it was here that the game of ,boston first won prominence4 ,many of the games and sports practiced in ,america to-day had their origin in ,denmark4 ,and it was that country that gave to us the golden proverb1 ,fair play is a jewel4 ,we could fill a complete volume on the ethics of sport1 but it is not necessary to elaborate on the subject in a book of etiquette4 ,when you are on the tennis courts or at the billiard tables remember only to observe the same good manners and courtesies that characterize your social life--and you will play fair4 ,,indoor ,,games ,bridge and chess have long been the boon of puzzled hostesses4 ,these indoor games offer a wealth of interest and enjoyment to visiting guests1 and in social circles they are frequently resorted to1 to make an afternoon or evening pass pleasantly4 ,every woman who ever invites people to her home should know the etiquette of indoor games4 ,it is also necessary that she herself know how to play the games1 as it will be expected that she join her guests4 ,at a recent silver wedding the host and hostess evolved the novel idea of spending the evening playing bridge with the guests and offering silver prizes to the winners4 ,everyone enjoyed the evening1 and it saved the hostess the trouble of worrying about providing satisfactory entertainment4 ,some women who enjoy indoor games form clubs for the purpose of devoting one or more afternoons or evenings a week to the favored game4 ,there are numerous chess and bridge clubs that meet in private homes or in club-rooms rented for the purpose4 ,the usual method is to meet at the home of one of the members1 rotating each week so that each member has her turn at being hostess4 ,,chess ,there is something romantic1 something strangely fanciful in the old game of chess4 ,its origin is forgotten in a dim past--a past around which is woven historical tales of kings and queens1 interesting anecdotes of ancient sports and pleasures4 ,there is perhaps no indoor game as old and as beloved4 7,see footnote47,b ,b ,to inspire interest in certain games1 and to give renewed zest to those who have already made one of these games a hobby1 it was considered worth-while to give in these chapters the interesting facts regarding the origin of some of our popular modern games4 ,we are indebted to ,paul ,monckton1 whose splendid book1 ,pastimes in ,times ,past has helped us to make this possible4 ,chess is also one of the most universal of games4 ,in slightly altered form1 it is played in almost every country4 ,games resembling chess are found even in uncivilized countries4 ,to know the rudiments of the game1 is to be able to enter into at least one sport when traveling in other countries4 ,we trace the origin of chess to the ancient ,sanscrit ,indians4 ,at that time it was known as chatauranga4 ,from this word1 the word shatrang was evolved1 developing slowly into our modern word chess4 ,it was in the sixteenth century that the surface of the chess-board was chequered black and white4 ,just as the capture of a king by enemies meant the terminating of his rule of the kingdom in those days1 the capture of the king on the chess-board to-day terminates the game4 ,it is interesting to note that the different pieces used in the game of chess all have their origin in ancient history4 ,the game is one of the most interesting in existence1 and the man or woman who does not already know how to play it1 should learn how as soon as possible4 ,there are numerous authorities who are only too glad to teach it4 ,the hostess who plans a chess-party for her guests should arrange a sufficient number of small tables in the drawing-or reception-room4 ,usually coffee and wafers are served as refreshment in the afternoon2 but if the party is held in the evening1 it usually terminates in a cold midnight supper4 ,,bridge ,bridge is one of our most popular card-games--particularly so among women4 ,it is also one of the most interesting indoor games ever invented1 and therefore usually adopted by the hostess who wishes to entertain her guests for the afternoon or evening4 ,england greeted the origin of bridge1 about fifty years ago1 with great delight4 ,the game speedily became one of the most popular ones in social circles4 ,perhaps if we exclude whist1 bridge has taken a greater hold upon the popular imagination than any other card-game ever invented4 ,the origin of the word bridge itself is buried in the mists of uncertainty4 ,some say that it comes from the ,tartar word birintch which means town-crier4 ,others contend that it comes from the ,russian word biritch meaning ,russian whist4 ,but whatever its origin1 the word means a game of such utter interest and delight1 that it should be well understood and frequently indulged in by hostesses and their guests4 ,there are two kinds of bridge2 one1 known as ,auction ,bridge is for three players4 ,ordinary bridge is for four players4 ,in the former game1 one depends largely upon luck4 ,but skill is a very necessary requisite to the one who wishes to play and win in ordinary bridge4 ,writers on games declare that ,auction ,bridge is more of a gambling game than ordinary bridge4 ,but hostesses who do not favor gambling in any form1 had better choose chess as their popular game1 for it is the only game from which the element of chance is entirely absent4 ,but bridge1 perhaps by virtue of its very element of chance1 is to-day one of the most popular indoor games4 ,the hostess who invites friends to a bridge-party should provide sufficient card tables for the purpose4 ,if the party consists entirely of ladies1 it is usually held in the afternoon and light refreshments are served4 ,if men join the party it is usually held in the evening and terminates in a midnight supper4 ,,billiards ,,and ,,croquet ,there seems to be some very intimate connection between croquet and billiards4 ,but while croquet is a very old game and now rapidly lapsing into disuse1 billiards is a comparatively new one enjoying very wide popularity4 ,the fact that small billiard tables are being made to fit conveniently into the drawing-room at home1 proves that the modern host and hostess recognize the popularity of the game4 ,croquet1 we find from studying the history of games1 was played in the thirteenth century4 ,billiards1 which we speak of as being comparatively new1 was known in the seventeenth century1 for does not ,shakespeare have ,cleopatra say in ,antony's temporary absence3 ,let us to billiards3 ,come1 ,charmian4 ,billiards is a game that lends itself to betting4 ,while this may be permissible in a public billiard place1 it is not good form in a private home where the hostess invites a few friends to enjoy the game with her4 ,she should not invite many people unless she has several tables to place at their disposal4 ,croquet is played on the lawn4 ,hidden in the forgotten origin of billiards1 there must be some connection between the green lawn of croquet and the green baize cloth of the billiard table4 ,croquet is played with mallets and balls1 very much on the same order as the game of billiards4 ,the game of croquet is derived from the same source as hockey4 ,the old ,french word hoquet1 meaning a crooked stick has very much the same meaning as the word croquet4 ,both are excellent outdoor sports that guests at a house party will find enjoyable and interesting4 ,one hostess we know1 who is a billiard enthusiast1 has six tables in her billiard room1 as she calls it1 where she entertains several guests almost every afternoon4 ,on the wall is a large picture showing two stately old gentlemen playing a game of billiards1 and beneath it in bold hand-lettering1 the following bit of verse from ,cotton's book1 ,the ,compleat ,gamester3 ,billiards from ,spain at first derived its name1 ,both an ingenious and a cleanly game4 ,one gamester leads 7the table green as grass7 ,and each like warriors1 strive to gain the ,pass4 ,,outdoor ,,games ,at garden parties1 house parties1 and lawn parties1 there is always the need for interesting1 amusing games that will afford entertainment for the guests4 ,the hostess who knows the various games that are popular among the younger and older sets1 will be able to spend many jolly1 pleasant mornings and afternoons with her guests4 ,not only for the hostess and her guest1 but for every man or woman who loves games and sports1 who enjoys being outdoors1 there are sports that are as enjoyable as they are health-building4 ,there can be nothing more delightful1 on a ,saturday afternoon1 than to go out on the links and enjoy a good game of golf4 ,and there can be nothing more invigorating to the tired hostess than a brisk game of lawn tennis on a sunny afternoon4 ,to the splendid outdoor games of ,america1 our young women owe their lithe1 graceful bodies and their glowing good health2 and our young men owe their well-knit forms and muscular strength4 ,no appeal can be too strong in encouraging people to indulge more freely in outdoor sports--and especially people who spend a great deal of their time in businesses that confine them to offices4 ,,lawn ,,tennis ,tennis is always popular and always interesting4 ,those who love the game will enjoy a bit of the history of its origin and of its development in recent years4 ,it is not a new game4 ,the exact date of its origin is not known1 and perhaps never will be1 but we do know that it was imported into ,england from ,france at a very early date4 ,originally it was called palmplay because the palm was used to cast the ball to the other side4 ,and instead of the net1 a mud-wall was used to separate the two sides4 ,the game of tennis flourished in the time of ,joan of ,arc1 for we find her namesake1 a certain ,jean ,margot1 born in #adba1 called the amazon of medieval tennis by ,paul ,monckton in his book1 ,pastimes in ,times ,past4 ,he tells us also that she could play ball better than any man in ,france4 ,in the fifteenth century1 tennis fell into disrepute because of the large amount of betting4 ,but gradually1 with the passing of the years and the development of the tennis courts1 it once more came into its own1 and soon we find that it had become so popular and fashionable that it threatened to eclipse even cricket1 ,england's most popular outdoor game4 ,then once again it lapses into neglect1 not to return to the lawns and courts again until #ahgd4 ,since that year1 ,lawn ,tennis has steadily risen to the ranks of the most favored social game in ,america and ,england4 ,in the past few years changes and improvements have been made and as the game now stands it is truly the king of games--as ,major ,wingfield described it more than two decades ago4 ,the hostess who invites friends to a tennis game should be sure that her courts are in good condition4 ,it is her duty to supply the net1 balls and racquets1 although some enthusiasts prefer using their own racquets4 ,whether or not the hostess joins in the games herself1 depends entirely upon her personal preference1 and upon convenience4 ,usually1 however1 she is expected to play at least one set4 ,,golf ,the fact that ,pepys1 in his well-known diary1 tells us that he saw the ,duke of ,york playing golf 7known then as ,paille-,maille7 is sufficient evidence of the antiquity of the game4 ,it is of ,scotch origin1 being played in the ,lowlands as early as #acjj4 ,the very words caddie1 links and tee are ,scotch4 ,caddie is another word for cad1 but the meaning of that word has changed considerably with the passing of the centuries4 ,link means a bend by the river bank1 but literally means a ridge of land4 ,tee means a mark on the ground4 ,it seems that golfing has some strange charm from which there is no escaping once one has experienced it4 ,to play golf and to learn its fascination1 is to love it always and be unable to forsake it4 ,james ,i and ,prince ,henry his son1 were ardent golfers4 ,charles ,i was also a lover of golf1 and it is related that the news of the ,irish ,rebellion in #afdb was brought to him while he was playing at the ,links at ,leith4 ,sir ,john ,foulis1 ,earl ,john of ,montrose1 ,duncan ,forbes and the ,duke of ,hamilton are other notables of history1 known to have been addicted to the game4 ,in #aged a ,golf ,club was founded in ,england1 pledging themselves to compete each year for a silver cup4 ,in #ahfc another ,royal ,golf ,club was founded of which the ,prince of ,wales was elected ,captain4 ,the minutes and records of this club reveal many interesting1 and ofttimes amusing1 customs that presaged the very customs practiced by golf-lovers to-day4 ,one reason why golf is so popular is that it is a sport in which old and young can join on an equal footing4 ,in this manner it is unlike hockey or other similar games1 where strength and training are essential4 ,but one must not have the impression that golf can be played once or twice1 and then known and understood thoroughly4 ,it is the kind of game that must be played enthusiastically and constantly2 and gradually one becomes conscious of a fascination that can hardly be found in any other game or sport4 ,there is a distinct etiquette of the links that should be known by the hostess who plans a golfing party1 and also by everyone who plays the game4 ,courtesy is one of the unwritten laws of the links4 ,it is considered an unpardonable sin to speak or move when watching another player make a drive4 ,it is also unpardonable to attempt to play through the game of persons who are ahead on the links4 ,,some ,,important ,,rules ,,about ,,golf ,in teeing-off1 one should be quite sure that one's immediate predecessors from the tee are at least two shots in advance4 ,otherwise there is danger of injuring other players2 and there is also the confusion of driving balls among those of near-by players4 ,if1 however1 a ball is driven into the space of greensward where another player is concentrating upon his ball an apology should be made4 ,sometimes skillful and rapid players find their progress over the links retarded by players who are slow and inaccurate4 ,these slow players may be new at the game1 or they may prefer to play slowly4 ,at any rate1 it is good form for the rapid players to request that they be permitted to play through ahead of the others2 or it is still better for the slow players themselves1 when they see that they are retarding others1 to volunteer stepping aside while the others play through4 ,a courtesy of this kind requires cordial thanks4 ,putting is a delicate and difficult operation upon which the entire success of the game rests4 ,spectators must keep this in mind when they are on the links1 and they must not stand so close to the player that they will interfere with his concentration4 ,it is extremely bad form to talk1 whisper or shuffle about while a player is putting1 and those who do so are revealing their lack of courtesy and of the knowledge of the correct etiquette of sport4 ,,football ,we feel that a word about football is necessary1 not only because it is one of the most popular ,american sports1 but because men and women alike enjoy watching the game4 ,at the ,yale ,bowl1 where some of the most spectacular football games are played--and won--thousands of men and women from all over the ,united ,states gather every year4 ,like all other ball games1 football is based on many other games that had their origin in medieval times4 ,it was only after the game of kicking the ball had been introduced in ,england1 that it became a distinct sport known as football4 ,since then it has flourished and developed1 until to-day it is as popular as tennis1 hockey1 baseball and golf4 ,football is a strenuous game4 ,in ,england it was confined largely to boys and young men4 ,even in ,america elderly men never play the game1 but that is no reason why they cannot watch and enjoy it4 ,there can be no etiquette prescribed for the players in a football game beyond that incorporated in the rules of the game and in the general laws of good sportsmanship4 ,but the people who are watching the game must observe a certain good conduct1 if they wish to be considered entirely cultured4 ,for instance1 even though the game becomes very exciting1 it is bad form to stand up on the seats and shout words of encouragement to the players4 ,yet how many1 who claim to be entirely well-bred1 do this very thing6 ,of course it is permissible to cheer2 but it must be remembered that there are correct and incorrect ways of cheering4 ,noise is noise even in the grandstand1 and your loud cheering is very likely to annoy the people around you4 ,a brief hand-clapping is sufficient applause for a good play or even for a victory4 ,it is not necessary to be boisterous4 ,and this holds true of the game of baseball also1 when loud cheering serves only to create confusion and disorder4 ,the well-mannered person is known by his or her calm conduct and gentle manners whether it be in the ballroom or at the football game4 ,,automobile ,,etiquette ,with automobiling enjoying its present universal popularity1 it is necessary to add a few paragraphs here regarding the correct automobile etiquette4 ,for there is an etiquette of driving1 and a very definite etiquette that must be followed by all who wish to be well-bred4 ,first there are the rules by which the driver of the car must be governed4 ,in busy city streets1 where there are no traffic regulations to govern the reckless driver1 one should drive slowly and cautiously4 ,it is time enough to drive speedily when the open roads of the country are reached4 ,but it is inconsiderate and selfish to speed one's car along streets where children are likely to dash unexpectedly in front of the car or where pedestrians are in danger of being thrown down4 ,a very uncourteous and unkind habit is to sound one's horn wildly1 for no other reason than to frighten less fortunate people who have to walk4 ,the horn on the car should be used only to warn people out of the road1 or when turning a dangerous corner4 ,it should never be used to signal to a person that the car is waiting outside for her4 ,care should be exercised in the seating arrangement4 ,the courteous host and hostess take the seats in the center1 leaving those on the outside for their guests4 ,if the host is driving1 the front seat at his side is a place of honor and should be given to a favored guest4 ,the people inside the car also have some rules of good conduct to observe4 ,it is bad form to stand up in the car1 to sing or shout1 or to be in any way boisterous4 ,automobile parties often speed along country roads shouting at the top of their voices for no other reason than to attract attention--to be noticed4 ,the very first rule of good conduct tells us that this is utterly ill-bred4 ,it hardly seems necessary to warn the people who are out motoring1 not to throw refuse from the car on to the road4 ,yet we often see paper bags and cigarette boxes hurtling through the air in the wake of some speeding car4 ,this is as bad form as dropping a match-stick on the polished drawing-room floor of one's hostess or home4 ,,automobile ,,parties ,some hostesses plan motor trips for their guests4 ,if it is to be a long trip1 requiring an over-night stop at a hotel1 the invitations must state clearly1 but tactfully1 whether they are to be guests throughout the trip1 or only while in the motor4 ,ordinarily1 the host and hostess pay all expenses incurred while on the trip4 ,gentlemen do not enter the car until the ladies have been comfortably seated4 ,neither do they smoke in the car without asking permission to do so4 ,a driver1 whether he be the host himself or a hired chauffeur1 should be sure that all the guests are comfortably seated before starting4 ,and he should drive slowly to prevent the uncomfortable jolting that usually results when a car is driven at a great speed4 ,hostesses often provide linen dusters and goggles for those of their guests who desire them4 ,it is wise1 also1 to include a few motor blankets1 in case the weather changes and the guests become chilly4 ,a considerate host1 or hostess1 will see that the wind-shield1 top and side-curtains are adjusted to the entire comfort of all the occupants of the car4 ,the dress for an automobile party is a sports suit of some serviceable material that will not show dust readily4 ,the hat should be a small one that will not interfere with the wearer's comfort4 ,in place of a suit one may wear a one-piece dress and a coat but one must never wear light or flimsy materials4 ,if there is to be an overnight stop and one wishes to wear a dinner gown she must have it made of a stuff that will not wrinkle easily or she must be able to make arrangements to have it pressed4 ,when the car stops and the guests descend1 the gentlemen should leave first and help the ladies to descend4 ,if the party stops for refreshments1 the chauffeur must not be forgotten4 ,it is a slight that is as unforgivable and discourteous as omitting to serve a guest in one's dining-room4 ,the chauffeur is as much entitled to courtesy as the other members of the party4 ,of course he does not expect to join the party at their table1 nor does he care to eat with the servants of the hotel4 ,the wisest plan is for him to be served in the regular dining-room of the hotel1 but at another table except when the hotel has special arrangements to meet this condition4 ,it is always necessary to take the guests on an automobile party back to the place where they started from unless it is distinctly understood from the beginning that some other plan is to be pursued4 ,when planning a motor party consisting of two or more cars1 the hostess should be sure to arrange her guests so that only congenial people will be in each car4 ,it is never good form to crowd a car with more people than it can hold comfortably1 except in an emergency4 ,careful driving should be the watchword of everyone who owns a motor4 ,remember that the streets were not created merely for the owner of the automobile1 but for the pedestrian as well4 ,,riding ,horse-back riding is one of the favorite outdoor sports of men and women4 ,which is as it should be1 for not only is it excellent for poise and grace1 but it is splendid for the health4 ,a gentleman1 when riding with a woman1 assists her to mount and dismount4 ,this is true even though a groom accompanies them4 ,in assisting a lady to mount her horse1 the gentleman first takes the reins1 places them in her hand and then offers his right hand as a step on which to place her foot1 unless she prefers to slip her foot in the stirrup and spring up to the saddle unassisted4 ,in this case1 it is necessary for him only to hold the horse's head1 and to give her the reins when she is comfortably seated in the saddle4 ,he does not mount his own horse until she is mounted and on her way4 ,it is the privilege of the woman rider to set the pace4 ,the gentleman follows at her side or slightly behind4 ,he goes ahead1 however1 to open gates or lower fences that are too dangerous for her to jump4 ,in dismounting1 he again offers his aid1 holding her horse and offering his hand if it is necessary to assist her4 ,the lady dismounts on the left side4 ,at a hunt1 a gentleman must sacrifice a great deal of the sport of the chase if there is a woman in the party under his care4 ,he must ride very close to her1 taking the easiest way and watching out for her comfort4 ,it is poor form1 however1 for any woman to follow the hounds in a chase unless she is an accomplished rider4 ,otherwise she is merely a hindrance to the rest of the party1 and especially to the man who is accompanying her4 ,be kind to your horse4 ,do not exhaust it4 ,do not force it to climb steep hills4 ,be careful of how you use your spurs4 ,and try to remember that good old proverb1 ,the best feed of a horse is his master's eye4 ,even in the most conservative communities to-day women wear breeches instead of the heavy skirts of a short time back4 ,the cut depends upon the prevailing fashion but the habit should never be of flashing material4 ,,bathing ,the etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief point of dispute is the way a woman should dress4 ,it is absurd for her to wear a suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worse for her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of all observers as she parades up and down the beach4 ,there is no set rule as to what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing that makes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar4 ,a well-bred woman is her own best guide and she will no more offend against modesty at the beach than she will in the drawing-room4 ,,sports ,,clothes ,,in ,,general ,comfort and style should be attractively combined in sports clothes with the emphasis on comfort4 ,practicability should never be sacrificed to fashion1 and however beautiful they may be to look at1 an automobile coat that cannot stand dust1 a bathing suit that cannot stand water and a hiking outfit that cannot stand wear are merely ridiculous4 ,there are three questions that the man or woman should first ask themselves before buying a sports outfit4 ,first1 ,is it comfortable8 ,next1 ,is it practical8 ,and last1 ,is it pleasing8 ,,part ,,iv ,i would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed2 the excess on that side will wear off1 with a little age and reflection2 but if he is negligent at twenty1 he will be a sloven at forty and intolerable at sixty4 ,dress yourself fine where others are fine1 and plain where others are plain2 but take care always that your clothes are well made and fit you1 for otherwise they will give you a very awkward air4 --,chesterfield4 ,,chapter ,i ,,speech ,one is judged first by his dress but this judgment is not final4 ,a better index is his speech4 ,it is said that one can tell during a conversation that lasts not longer than a summer shower whether or not a man is cultivated4 ,often it does not take even so long1 for a raucous tone of voice and grossly ungrammatical or vulgar expressions brand a man at once as beyond the pale of polite society4 ,no point of social etiquette is quite so valuable as this one of speech4 ,as one goes forth he is weighed in the balance and if he is found wanting here he is quietly dropped by refined and cultured people1 and nearly always he is left wondering why with his diamonds and his motors and his money he yet cannot find entree into the inner circles where he would most like to be4 ,money does not buy everything4 ,if it were possible for it to do so there would be no proverb to the effect that it takes three generations to make a gentleman4 ,and the proverb itself is not more than half true4 ,if the attitude of mind is that of one who honestly wants to develop himself to the highest possible point1 mentally1 morally1 and spiritually1 it can be done in much less than a single generation4 ,of course1 much depends upon one's definition of what constitutes a gentleman but for the purpose of this book we mean a man of education1 high principles1 honor1 courtesy1 and kindness4 ,,conversation ,there is an old ,italian proverb that says1 ,he who has a tongue in his head can go all the world over4 ,but it is not enough merely to have a tongue in one's head4 ,that tongue must have a certain distinct appeal before it becomes the weapon before which all the barriers of social success vanish4 ,we have all heard the expression1 ,the magic power of words4 ,is it a magic power8 ,or to be more explicit1 is conversation an art or a gift8 ,the answer must certainly be an art1 for nature never gives that which study accomplishes4 ,and by study you can become a master of speech--you can make words a veritable torch1 illuminating you and your surroundings4 ,but words alone mean very little4 ,it is the grouping of words1 expressions1 phrases2 the combination of thoughts that make real conversation4 ,in the beginning of the world1 said ,xanthes1 primitive man was contented to imitate the language of the animals4 ,but as we study the evolution of human nature1 we find that man was not long content to imitate the sounds of the animals in the forests4 ,he found the need to express himself1 his sensations1 his thoughts1 in more definite and satisfactory manner4 ,he wanted to share his joys with his neighbors1 and he wanted to tell others about his sorrows4 ,and so1 nature in her wise judgment1 decreed that he should speak1 and in his speech should convey his thoughts and ideas to those who listened4 ,we do not think of these things to-day when we chatter aimlessly among ourselves1 caring little whether or not we make the most of that wonderful power bestowed upon us4 ,yes1 speech is a power4 ,it is a most effective weapon1 not only to social success1 but to the very success of life1 if one does not ignore the power of its influence4 ,and that is the purpose of the following paragraphs--to help you realize and profit by the powers of speech and conversation4 ,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,correct ,,speech ,it is strange1 but true1 that the spirit of conversation is often more important than the ideas expressed4 ,this is especially true in social circles4 ,since speech is never used in solitude1 we may take it for granted that the spoken word is an expression of the longing for human sympathy4 ,thus1 it is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gently and agreeably into the moods and feelings of others1 and to cultivate the feelings of sympathy and kindness4 ,early in the seventeenth century the causerie 7chat7 was highly esteemed in ,france4 ,this was a meeting1 at the ,hotel ,rambouillet1 of the great nobles1 literary people1 and intelligent and brilliant women of ,france1 gathered together for the definite purpose of conversation--of chatting4 ,among these people1 representing the highest intellectual class in ,france at the time1 there developed the taste for daily talks--the tendency of which was toward profound1 refined and elegant intercourse according to the standards of that day1 and the criticisms offered by the members had a certain influence on the manners and literature of the epoch4 ,many years have passed since those days of harmonious gatherings1 but we mention them here to draw the comparison between those delightful gatherings of long ago1 and our own drawing-rooms and social circles where brilliant men and women gather and converse on topics of immediate interest4 ,if one has imagination1 a striking similarity can be noticed between the two4 ,there is a certain charm in correct speech1 a certain beauty in correct conversation4 ,and it is well worth striving for4 ,,courtesy ,,in ,,conversation ,a ,crow ,indian once said to ,dr4 ,lowie1 ,you ,whites show no respect to your sisters4 ,you talk to them4 ,other instances of how respect and courtesy can be shown in conversation1 is found in the traditions and present-day practices of other countries4 ,in ,china1 for instance1 a young man will not introduce into conversation1 a topic which has not already been touched upon by his elders4 ,on the ,fiji ,islands1 a woman does not talk to her mother-in-law1 and among the ,sioux1 a young man does not talk at all unless someone else addresses him4 ,these signs of courtesy in conversation have a certain distinct significance in the countries where they are practiced4 ,courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation4 ,good speech consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably4 ,someone has said1 very wisely1 ,a talker who monopolizes the conversation is by common consent insufferable1 and a man who regulates his choice of topics by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has yet to learn the alphabet of the art4 ,to be agreeable in conversation1 one must first learn the law of talking just enough1 of listening politely while others speak1 and of speaking of that in which one's companions are most interested4 ,there was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground that the speaker was candid1 frank1 outspoken4 ,people used to pride themselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken the truth--and hurt some one4 ,to-day there are certain recognized courtesies of speech1 and kindliness has taken the place of candidness4 ,there is no longer any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that will cause discomfort or pain to anyone of your hearers4 ,one should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and then it should be done with apologies4 ,it is not courteous to ask a great many questions and personal ones are always taboo4 ,one should be careful not to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases and one should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat their remarks4 ,argument should be avoided and contradicting is always discourteous4 ,when it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensue it is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels as soon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn1 for to jerk the talk from one topic to another for the obvious purpose of switching someone off the track is in itself very rude4 ,let your proverb be1 ,talk well1 but not too much4 ,,the ,,voice ,ruskin said1 ,vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language4 ,by language he meant not only words and phrases1 but coarseness of voice4 ,there can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft1 well-modulated1 pleasing voice4 ,this quotation from ,demosthenes is only another way of saying it3 ,as a vessel is known by the sound whether it is cracked or not1 so men are proved by their speeches whether they be wise or foolish4 ,conversation should be lively without noise4 ,it is not well-bred to be demonstrative in action while speaking1 to talk loudly1 or to laugh boisterously4 ,conversation should have less emphasis1 and more quietness1 more dignified calmness4 ,some of us are so eager1 in our determination to be agreeable in conversation1 to dominate the entire room with our voice1 that we forget the laws of good conduct4 ,and we wonder why people consider us bores4 ,don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk4 ,first know what you want to say1 be sure that it is worth saying1 and then say it calmly1 confidently1 through your mouth and not through your nose4 ,too many people talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people don't understand them4 ,enunciate clearly and give to your vowels and consonants the proper resonance4 ,another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking4 ,to talk slowly and deliberately1 is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation4 ,rapidity in speech results in indistinctness1 and indistinctness leads invariably to monotony4 ,,ease ,,in ,,speech ,there are two languages of speech--voice and gesture4 ,voice appeals to the ear1 gesture to the eye4 ,it is an agreeable combination of the two that makes conversation pleasant4 ,a really well-bred man1 a writer once said1 would speak to all kings in the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak to you4 ,confusion is the enemy of eloquence4 ,self-restraint must be developed before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or a social success4 ,to create a pleasant1 harmonious atmosphere1 and at the same time to make one's ideas carry conviction1 one must talk with ease and calm assurance4 ,try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech4 ,it is a mistake to wear your feelings on your sleeve and resent everything that everyone else says that does not please you4 ,to become quickly excited1 to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's dignity and ease of manner4 ,know what you want to say1 be sure you understand it1 and when you say it1 be open for criticisms or suggestions from those around you4 ,do not become flustered and excited merely because someone else does not agree with you4 ,remember that ,homer said1 ,the tongue speaks wisely when the soul is wise1 and surely the soul can be wise only when one is entirely calm1 self-confident and at peace with all the world6 ,,local ,,phrases ,,and ,,mannerisms ,it is not always easy to drop the local phrases1 colloquial expressions and mannerisms to which one has been accustomed for a long time4 ,yet good society does not tolerate these errors in speech4 ,for they are errors1 according to the standards of educated men and women4 ,to use such phrases as ,how was that when you mean ,what was that or ,how's things when you mean ,how are you are provincialisms which have no place in the cultured drawing-room4 ,one must drop all bad habits of speech before claiming the good ,english which is a passport into good society4 ,mannerisms in speech are evident in nasal expression and muffled words1 spoken through half-closed teeth4 ,we were not meant to speak in that unbeautiful manner1 nor were we meant to gesticulate wildly as some of our drawing-room orators persist in doing--to the amusement of everyone else concerned4 ,when you enter the world of good society1 drop all your colloquial phrases and mannerisms behind4 ,,importance ,,of ,,vocabulary ,simple expression has the same advantage over flowery language as a simple and artistic room has over a room filled with gaudy1 inharmonious embellishments4 ,one is effective1 the other defective4 ,and yet to express ideas simply and correctly1 with a regard for polish and poise1 one must have a good command of the language4 ,make a resolve1 right now1 that you will never use a foreign word when you can give its meaning in ,english4 ,and also determine now1 definitely1 that no matter how popular slang becomes in the less refined circles of society1 you will never use it because you know that it is the badge of vulgarity4 ,there is nothing quite as beautiful as good1 simple ,english1 when it is spoken correctly4 ,to know the right word in the right place1 to know its correct pronunciation and spelling1 there is nothing more valuable than a good standard dictionary4 ,if you haven't one--a new revised edition--get one right away4 ,you can not hope to become a pleasing conversationalist until you own and use a good dictionary4 ,an excellent way to increase your vocabulary and perfect your speech is to talk less1 and listen politely while others lead the conversation4 ,there's a lot of truth in that old maxim1 ,speech is silver1 but silence is gold6 ,,interrupting ,,the ,,speech ,,of ,,others ,it was mentioned previously that the ,sioux youth does not speak until he is first spoken to4 ,this is also true of the young ,armenian woman4 ,she would be horrified at the idea of addressing a woman older than herself1 unless first spoken to4 ,many other countries observe these courtesies of speech1 with a wholesome effect upon the general culture of the people4 ,how often1 here in our own country1 even in the most highly cultivated society1 do we hear a man or woman carelessly interrupt the conversation of another1 perhaps an older person1 without so much as an apology6 ,it is bad form1 to say the least1 but it is also distinctly rude4 ,no person of good breeding will interrupt the conversation of another no matter how startling and remarkable an idea he may have4 ,it will be just as startling and remarkable a few minutes later1 and the speaker will have gained poise and confidence in the time that he waits for the chance to speak4 ,whispering in company is another bad habit that must be avoided4 ,the drawing-room or reception room is no place for personal secrets or hidden bits of gossip4 ,the man or woman commits a serious breach in good conduct by drawing one or two persons aside and whispering something to them4 ,,tact ,,in ,,conversation ,be careful not to give too strong an expression of your likes and dislikes4 ,to master this important point of speech1 it is wise to examine carefully and frankly all your opinions before expressing them in words4 ,it is necessary that you understand yourself1 before you are able to make others understand you4 ,in carrying on a conversation in a public place be sure to keep the voice modulated and do not mention the names of people about whom you are talking in such a way that anyone overhearing the conversation by chance could identify them4 ,it is best to avoid all personal talk when one is in public4 ,the person who is always trying to set other people right does not use tact4 ,if they wanted assistance1 they would probably ask4 ,people are sensitive1 and they do not like to have their shortcomings commented upon by others4 ,ask questions only if you are gifted with great tact4 ,otherwise you are bound to create embarrassing situations4 ,if you do ask questions1 make them of a general character1 rather than personal4 ,but never be curious1 because people resent inquisitiveness--and rightly so1 for it is a very undesirable trait to have1 and each person has a right to privacy4 ,never talk for mere talking's sake4 ,speak only when you have something to say1 and then talk quietly1 deliberately and with sincerity4 ,never criticize1 antagonize or moralize--and your company will be sought by everyone4 ,,some ,,important ,,information ,if you mumble over your words and have difficulty in pronouncing clearly1 you will find it a great help to talk very slowly and take deep breaths between each two or three words4 ,for stammering1 deep breathing is also suggested before uttering the words upon which one is most likely to come to grief4 ,self-consciousness is the result of exaggerated humility4 ,if you concentrate upon what you are saying1 and forget all about how you are saying it1 you will forget your shyness4 ,respect yourself1 have confidence in yourself--and nervousness and shyness in conversation will vanish4 ,lisping is a matter of defective speech1 and although reading aloud and dramatic recitations help1 it is best to consult a specialist if ordinary methods fail to prevent it4 ,such habits as hesitation1 coughing1 or groping for a word1 are often forms of nervousness and a little will-power exerted in the right direction may easily control them4 ,above all1 be simple and be sincere4 ,let interest in your subject lend animation to your face and manner4 ,do not attempt to make yourself appear brilliant and inspired1 for you will only succeed in making yourself ridiculous4 ,be modest1 pleasant1 agreeable and sympathetic1 and you will find that you win the immediate response of your audience1 whether it consists of two people or two hundred people4 ,,what ,,to ,,talk ,,about ,in this beautiful country1 filled with charming woodland scenes1 landmarks of interest1 museums1 schools1 monuments1 libraries1 there is no excuse for the man or woman who finds that he or she has nothing to talk about4 ,in the newspapers every day1 in books1 plays1 operas1 even in the advertisements and posters1 there is material for interesting conversation4 ,try it the next time you meet some friends and you find that conversation lags4 ,talk about something1 anything1 until you get started4 ,talk about the sunset you saw last night1 or the little crippled boy who was selling newspapers4 ,as long as it is something with a touch of human interest in it1 and if you tell it with the desire to please rather than impress1 your audience will be interested in your conversation4 ,but to remain quiet1 answering only when you are spoken to1 and allowing conversation to die each time it reaches you1 is a feature of conduct belonging only to the ignorant and dull4 ,there are many pleasant and agreeable things to talk about--argument and discussion have no place in the social drawing-room--and there is no reason why you cannot find them and make use of them4 ,if you are forgetful1 and somewhat shy in the company of others1 it might be well to jot down and commit to memory any interesting bit of information or news that you feel would be worthy of repetition4 ,it may be an interesting little story1 or a clever repartee1 or some amusing incident--but whatever it is1 make the appeal general4 ,it is a mistake to talk only about those things that interest you2 when ,matthew ,arnold was once asked what his favorite topic for conversation was1 he answered1 ,that in which my companion is most interested4 ,make that your ideal1 and you can hardly help becoming an agreeable and pleasing conversationalist4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,dress ,,the ,,first ,,impression ,the two most important guides to one's personality are one's appearance and one's manner of speech4 ,centuries of experience have shown that by means of these one may almost without exception get at least a general idea of the sort of person that lies back of them4 ,dress is the most important factor in the first impression4 ,an honest heart may beat beneath the ragged coat1 a brilliant intellect may rise above the bright checked suit and the yellow tie1 the man in the shabby suit may be a famous writer1 the girl in the untidy blouse may be an artist of great promise but as a general rule the chances are against it and such people are dull1 flat1 stale1 and unprofitable both to themselves and to other people4 ,like advertising1 dress should call attention not to itself but to the person or product which it represents so that people will say1 not1 ,what an attractive gown6 but ,what a lovely woman6 not1 ,what a well-dressed man6 but1 ,i think ,i should like to know that man4 ,there is more room for originality1 and by the same token for freakishness in woman's dress1 and therefore the greater responsibility is hers4 ,her clothes should belong to her rather than merely to the era in which she happens to be living4 ,this means that they must be individual but it does not mean that they should be outlandish4 ,again the golden rule of the ,greeks3 ,moderation in all things4 ,the attitude of a number of people is expressed in the old limerick3 ,as for looks ,i know ,i'm no star1 ,there are men better looking by far2 ,but my face ,i don't mind it ,for ,i am behind it4 ,it's the folks out in front that ,i jar4 ,it is worth while now and then to think of the folks out in front1 and pity for them1 if no other feeling1 should inspire one to be at all times as well dressed as is within the compass of one's means and ability4 ,,men',s ,,dress ,in the morning when he goes out to business a man should wear a plain serviceable suit of the prevailing cut4 ,if he is invited to an elaborate morning entertainment he may wear the regular cutaway coat and the usual accessories that go along with it4 ,it is always best to follow the local customs with regard to dress and it is absurd for one man to appear at a formal morning affair in the cutaway coat when he knows that all of the other gentlemen present will be in their simple business suits4 ,for formal afternoon affairs the cutaway is worn while for dinner in the evening full dress is prescribed as it is for any formal entertainment which takes place after six o'clock4 ,to informal garden parties and other similar affairs in the afternoon during the summer1 flannels may be worn4 ,there are special sporting outfits designed for the man who golfs1 plays tennis1 rides or motors and the best guide to all of these is a reliable haberdasher4 ,it is his business to keep up with the details of dress and since these are constantly in process of change it is obviously impossible for a book of etiquette to lay down precise rules as to what should be worn4 ,if a man is to escort a woman he should adapt his costume to hers4 ,if she is to wear evening dress he should also1 and if he is in doubt as to whether she is to wear evening dress or a simpler costume1 he should ask her4 ,in many cases it rests with the individual which shall be the order of the day4 ,,women',s ,,dress ,the woman who goes to business must dress inconspicuously4 ,clean1 freshly laundered white shirt waists with simple dark skirts form the best of outfits4 ,but with laundry bills at prohibitive prices1 a substitute must be found for them for the girl in moderate circumstances4 ,for this reason it is more sensible to wear dark serge1 silk1 or satin fashioned into severely simple frocks relieved perhaps by white linen or organdie collars and cuffs4 ,the woman who entertains at home in the morning wears a simple frock of the sort in which she may appear on the street4 ,similarly1 in the afternoon unless the occasion is an elaborate one1 when she may wear an elegant reception gown or an informal tea1 when she may wear one of the exquisite creations especially designed for such occasions4 ,there is a semi-evening dress which may be worn to afternoon affairs or to dinner and to all evening entertainments except very elaborate ones4 ,for these a woman's gown should be decollete and should be of beautiful material4 ,the color and design are at the discretion of the individual but it is well to remember that those which are simplest are most effective4 ,it is trite to remark that a woman's crowning glory is her hair1 but it is true4 ,the manner in which it is arranged should depend upon the kind of costume she is wearing4 ,only in the evening should she wear heavy bandeaux1 aigrettes1 etc4 ,scattered about elsewhere in these volumes under the theater1 etc41 more details are given as to the proper kind of dress to wear4 ,remember this3 it is always better to be underdressed than to be overdressed4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,dress ,it is interesting to note how closely the history of dress parallels the history of civilization4 ,with the awakening of shame came the virtue of modesty4 ,with modesty came the desire for clothes1 and clothes brought thoughts of higher ideals1 wider desires than those merely of the animal4 ,out of the desire to cover the body grew the love of decoration1 of beauty4 ,slowly1 through the ages1 as the love of beauty advanced and was cultivated1 an artistic sense developed which is the very flower of our civilization4 ,perhaps the most effective way to tell the story of dress is to make this very striking comparison4 ,first let us go back to the time of the prehistoric cave-woman4 ,in her breast the first thought of shame has stirred1 and she makes for herself a covering--a dress4 ,she makes it of the skin of a newly killed animal4 ,it is raw and ugly and unpleasant4 ,but the owner feels naught but pride in its ownership1 for it is a good skin1 impervious alike to the ravages of sun and rain--and its style is exactly like that of the other women in the tribe4 ,now let us stand for a moment on a corner of ,fifth ,avenue1 ,new ,york's famous avenue of fashion4 ,we see a modern young woman on her way to the theater4 ,from the tips of her ,french-heeled slippers to the jaunty little hat on her head1 she is--perfect4 ,her gown seems to express in every line the story of her own personality4 ,the color-scheme might well have been invented by ,mother ,nature herself4 ,the wrap she wears is of sable furs--but how different from the furs of her sister of ancient days6 ,each skin is exquisitely glossed and dressed1 and the whole matched to perfection4 ,another young woman passes4 ,she is differently attired in trig tailored suit and smart toque4 ,a business girl4 ,also perfect4 ,and countless others1 streaming endlessly along the wide avenue1 men and women1 defying in the expression of their own taste and individuality1 the decrees of fashion2 interpreting silks1 cottons1 fabrics and furs to harmonize with their own particular personalities1 and the story of civilization is told in the clothes they wear4 ,,the ,,dawn ,,of ,,fashion ,it was ,cowper who said1 ,while the world lasts1 ,fashion will lead it by the nose4 ,and really1 hasn't ,fashion been a stern monarch throughout the ages8 ,it commanded the ,chinese women to have tiny feet--and tiny feet they had to have although it meant months of torture to the young child4 ,it commanded the monstrous ruff of the ,elizabethan period1 and decreed dignified wigs for the gentlemen of the ,colonial days4 ,it decided upon the mantle of the patriarch1 the toga of the ,roman1 the fez of the ,turk4 ,its endless whims and vagaries made the study of dress one of the most curious and fascinating in the world4 ,how was ,fashion created1 you ask8 ,to answer thoroughly1 we must once more go back to those distant cave-man days when dress itself had its inception4 ,at first one simple costume for both men and women distinguished each tribe4 ,there was nothing different in the way the skins were thrown over the body1 no embellishments to render any one costume different from those worn by the others4 ,even at a relatively late date1 uniformity of dress among people of one race was like a national characteristic2 it was worn by all4 ,but slowly1 as the tiny beam of civilization struggled onward and upward1 there came a desire for something more than merely a protection against cold and rain4 ,there came a very intense desire for ornamentation and personal adornment4 ,thus we find men and women in ,central ,africa decorating their bodies with stripes of paint1 and those who were still more fashionable deforming themselves with most weird series of cicatrices on their bodies and faces4 ,in ,new ,guinea we find women who do not indulge in clothing at all1 ashamed to appear in public without bracelets on their arms and legs1 and ornaments on their heads4 ,so intense did this love of ornament grow among women1 that they began to cover their bodies with fur1 feathers1 shell1 beads and countless ornaments4 ,as late as the year #djj the primitive desire for self-adornment is evident4 ,in that year1 it is recorded that the wife of the ,emperor ,honorius died1 and when her grave was reopened in #aedd1 the golden tissues of her shroud were melted and amounted in weight to thirty-six pounds4 ,men and women alike hesitated to think for themselves in those earlier periods4 ,thus1 instead of creating styles for themselves1 they chose the easier method of imitating what others wore--changing it just enough to meet with their own requirements1 to satisfy their own undeveloped tastes4 ,one tribe copied what another wore1 changing it only slightly according to whim4 ,we find that man soon realized that the accumulation of coverings on his body hindered him in his strenuous activities4 ,it was quite natural1 then1 that simplicity should dominate his attire1 while to woman was left the development of the decorative art4 ,fashion was born--and it has remained undisputed ruler ever since4 ,,the ,,fashions ,,of ,,to-,,day ,it is not so much in the ,fashion of days gone by that we are interested1 but in the very delightful fashions of to-day4 ,we all know that the love of beauty is inherent in all women--just as the pride of personal appearance is inherent in all men4 ,it is a heritage brought down through generations of slowly developing culture4 ,and we find to-day that ,fashion is the means of expressing individuality4 ,it would indeed be a ,herculean task to attempt to write a discourse on the ever-changing dictates of ,fashion1 on the constant whims and vagaries of ,style4 ,each season brings forth striking new dress innovations--new colorings1 new draperies1 new lines4 ,what is in vogue to-day is cast aside to-morrow as out-of-date4 ,in the world of good society1 dress plays an important part in the expression of culture4 ,there is a proper dress for afternoon wear1 and another for evening functions4 ,there are certain costumes for the wedding1 and others for the garden fete4 ,the gentleman wears one suit to business1 and another to dinner4 ,where civilization has reached its highest point1 there has dress and fashion reached its finest and most exquisite development4 ,but instinct can be carried to excess4 ,inherent love of beauty can be so abused that it becomes a sign of vanity4 ,fashion can be made a series of fads1 and style an excuse for eccentricities4 ,it is because men and women1 and especially women1 are so eager to adopt any new style creation offered to them by the vast army of authorities1 so impatient always for something new1 new--that the dress of to-day has earned the censure of students of sociology4 ,supply the demand has ever been the slogan of the producers1 while they strive in every way to increase the demand4 ,and yet1 the study of dress is a beautiful one4 ,women are never so lovely as when they are dressed well4 ,men are never so attractive as when their garments are faultless4 ,there is something romantic in the gown and veil of the bride1 just as there is something delightfully refreshing in the sight of a young girl daintily attired on a hot ,summer's day4 ,there is poetry in dress1 just as there is in a towering cathedral or in a well-molded statue4 ,,harmony ,,in ,,dress ,one of the most important1 in fact1 the important principle of dress is harmony4 ,nature itself is a glorious example of all that is harmonious4 ,picture1 for instance1 the delicate pansy1 with its soft blend of greens and yellows and purples4 ,think of the exquisite china-aster with its pale colorings of violet and pink4 ,and the many-hued rainbow that glorifies the sky with a sudden brilliance4 ,how utterly irresistible are these harmonies of ,nature1 and how well we can all profit by her example6 ,the spirit of the modern dress seems to be more definitely centered around sensation than harmony4 ,we see sport skirts worn with high-heeled shoes1 pinks indulged in where navy blue or dark brown would be more appropriate1 elaborate motifs and decorations where simplicity should have been4 ,and we see women1 priding themselves upon being fashionable1 wearing gowns that are pretty enough1 but that on them are completely out of harmony4 ,the reason for this is that so many women1 and men too1 accept the dictates of ,fashion without stopping to determine whether or not these new creations are suitable to their own particular type4 ,they do not realize that to be fashionable does not mean to follow conscientiously every new fad1 but to adjust the prevailing style to conform with the lines of their individual faces and forms4 ,to illustrate3 it is ridiculous for the very slim young lady to wear a severe straight-line frock simply because it is the fashion1 but she can adapt the straight-line effect to her own figure1 and add a bit of fluffiness4 ,similarly1 the stout woman need not wear tremendous1 voluminous ruffles and flounces because ,fashion decrees that they shall be worn1 but she may gain the desired effect by using them in moderation4 ,why is it that a gown may look thoroughly beautiful on a manikin1 but have an entirely different effect when you put it on8 ,because you have distinct personality1 you have little peculiarities of line and coloring that require special consideration4 ,to select lines that harmonize with the lines of your body1 colors that harmonize with your own coloring1 and styles that harmonize with your particular type1 is to dress well and attractively4 ,seek harmony first--and style afterward4 ,,importance ,,of ,,color ,white was made for brides1 but that is no reason why we1 all of us1 cannot enjoy it in its cool daintiness1 youthful simplicity4 ,white may always be worn--by young and old1 at party and dance1 in morning and afternoon4 ,it is1 and always will be1 the ideal color4 ,but ,fashion1 in a different mood1 demands many hues both soft and brilliant4 ,and here again1 whether she dictates pale pink or vivid scarlet1 one must be guided by one's own sense of taste and harmony4 ,the colors of the dress must blend with the natural colors if beauty is to be obtained4 ,remarkable effects1 as startlingly beautiful as the somber afterglow of the setting sun1 can be obtained by the correct use of color4 ,it may be contrast or harmony--but there must be a perfect blend4 ,to illustrate for a few individual types3 the sallow-complexioned brunette must never wear yellow1 even though it is the favorite color of the season1 for it brings out more clearly the yellow lurking in the sallowness of her cheeks4 ,the person with coal black hair must avoid blues1 light and dark2 the colors that most become her are crimson1 orange1 dark red4 ,pink is the ideal color for the blond woman with warm coloring2 black for the woman with fair skin4 ,pink and green are for youth2 purple and black are for age4 ,the other colors may be used according to the artistic sense of the wearer4 ,in selecting material for a gown1 the fashionable modiste will first consider the eyes of the lady who is to wear it4 ,though few but the artist realize it1 the eyes are the keynote of the entire costume4 ,they determine whether the dress shall be frivolous or demure1 gay or somber1 vivid or soft4 ,the color of the hair1 also1 is important in deciding the color of the gown itself4 ,the soft colors--pink1 green1 violet1 blue--are admirably adapted to blue eyes and light hair while the more brilliant colors are suitable for dark eyes and black hair4 ,so large a part does color play in the creating of fashions that one must give it correspondingly careful consideration in adapting it to one's complexion and hair4 ,a wrong color has the alarming propensity of marring the beauty of the most charming gown--even as the use of the right color enhances the beauty of the most simple gown4 ,with harmony1 style and color the gown needs only the final touch of personality to make it perfect4 ,and it is that of which we are now going to speak4 ,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,personality ,dress is an index to character as surely as a table of contents is an index to what a book contains4 ,we know by looking at an over-dressed young person1 with a much-beruffled and ornamented frock1 that she is vain4 ,we know by glancing at a young man who wears an orange tie1 checked hat1 and twirls a bamboo cane1 that he is inclined to be just the least bit gay4 ,we know by the simple dignity of an elderly woman's dress that she is conservative and well-poised4 ,in the clothes we wear we reveal to the world the story of our ideals1 our principles4 ,if we are frivolous1 our clothes show it4 ,if we have a sense of the artistic1 our clothes show it4 ,if we are modest1 bold1 vain or proud the clothes we wear reveal it for all the world to see4 ,but ,dress changes the manners1 ,voltaire tells us4 ,it is true2 on the stage the beggar in his tattered clothes acts and speaks and looks the part of a beggar4 ,at dress rehearsals he plays the part to perfection1 but rehearsing in ordinary street clothes he is never quite satisfactory4 ,something seems to be missing2 and that something is personality4 ,the same is true of the rather studious young girl who is also shy and retiring4 ,in her somber clothes1 she is perfectly content in the gloomy solitude of her study2 but dressed in a filmy little frock of lace and net1 with her hair youthfully marcelled1 with buckled slippers on her feet1 she feels vaguely dissatisfied4 ,she wants to skip and dance and laugh and sing2 if she knew psychology and the personality in dress1 she would be able to explain it to herself in this manner3 clothes so affect the mental outlook1 that the wearer unconsciously adopts the personality portrayed4 ,can you imagine a ,lord ,chesterton in tattered clothes1 a ,queen ,elizabeth in a limp calico frock1 a ,george ,washington in a conspicuously checked suit8 ,unmistakable qualities of character are discernible in the clothes we wear--and for that reason we should be particularly careful to make them a true expression of our personality4 ,thus when you want to feel light-hearted and free from care1 wear delicate fabrics and bright hats4 ,when you want to be thoughtful and solemn1 wear heavy clothes and large1 drooping hats4 ,adapt your clothes to your moods1 or your moods to your clothes2 but have always one ideal in dress--yourself4 ,this holds equally true of the man4 ,when weighty business matters are to be attended to1 dark suits with correspondingly somber ties and shirts attract the desired mood of seriousness4 ,for less sedate1 though not less important1 occasions1 brighter attire makes one forget the cares of business and assume an air of gayety4 ,one may recline in a full-dress suit and strive vainly for rest2 but the mere putting on of a smoking jacket brings an immediate feeling of relaxation4 ,as ,haliburton so pointedly said1 ,as soon as a person begins to dress 'loud' his manners and conversation partake of the same element4 ,,gaudiness ,,versus ,,good ,,taste ,striking attractiveness1 rather than simple good taste1 seems to be the spirit of modern dress4 ,to see a beautiful young woman in gaudy clothes is as disappointing as seeing a romantic old ,spanish tale bound in a cheap paper cover4 ,how much more delightful is a simple frock1 developed of rich materials1 and boasting only deep soft folds of the material as decoration1 than an elaborate gown with rows and rows of imitation gold lace6 ,and yet1 we find that many of our most fashionable women1 priding themselves on having good taste1 select clothes that are conspicuous and gaudy rather than those that are simple4 ,beauty of material and excellence of workmanship should be the primary considerations in selecting a new gown or suit4 ,if ornament is desired1 the laws of harmony1 contrast and personality should be carefully considered4 ,colors must blend2 there must be no weird contrasts that jar badly on one's artistic sense4 ,gaudiness1 after all1 defeats its own purpose1 for it expresses a certain vulgarity4 ,the desire to attract attention has no place in the world of good breeding4 ,who wishes to be stared at1 remarked upon1 openly admired--if not the ill-bred woman1 the sorely uncultivated man8 ,good taste finds expression in gowns that are simple1 inconspicuous1 yet well-cut and artistic2 in suits that are quiet1 conservative and well-tailored4 ,and the good taste finds its reward in the genuine admiration and keen appreciation of others4 ,,extravagance ,,the ,,greatest ,,vulgarity ,that is what ,dr4 ,crane says--,dr4 ,crane1 who has studied manners in all their aspects4 ,extravagance is the greatest vulgarity4 ,how true it is6 ,how many of us adjust the expenditure for clothes in our households1 not by what we ourselves can afford1 but by what our neighbors and friends spend6 ,fashion is a temptress4 ,smart gowns1 exquisite hat creations1 attractive styles in bootery1 all tempt us to spend more than is really quite necessary4 ,the extravagant woman fills her wardrobe with numerous dresses1 blouses and hats for which she has no real use4 ,but how much more sensible it is to have just enough for one's needs1 a few stylish1 well-made garments--each one an expression of the wearer's own personality4 ,there seems to be a false impression among men and women alike1 that to be fashionable one must have a new dress for every occasion1 a different suit for every day of the week4 ,as a matter of fact1 this is an entirely mistaken idea4 ,fashion is not measured by the number of suits or dresses we have1 but by the good taste we display in their selection4 ,it is significant that the woman whose wardrobe is filled to overflowing1 invariably finds that she has nothing to wear1 while the woman of taste1 with her carefully selected wardrobe1 always seems to be dressed just right4 ,,inappropriateness ,,in ,,clothes ,just as there are certain laws governing the manners and conduct of society1 there are certain laws governing the uses of dress4 ,what is correct for the dance1 is entirely incorrect for street wear4 ,what one wears on a shopping trip may not be worn to the theater4 ,the gentleman must not wear his business suit to dinner4 ,occasion governs costume--and its dictates must be heeded if one would be considered both fashionable and well-bred4 ,there is1 for instance1 the modish young lady taking an afternoon stroll in high-heeled satin slippers4 ,what could be more inappropriate8 ,satin slippers should be worn only with semi-evening or evening dress--never with street clothes4 ,pumps with fur coats are strikingly inconsistent1 as are straw hats with winter attire1 or velvet hats with dainty summer-time frocks4 ,true fashion does not profess to distort the seasons1 although the style authorities would often have us believe so for their own material gain4 ,then1 of course1 there is the young person who is athletically inclined1 and insists on wearing sport clothes on all occasions4 ,we see her on a shopping tour1 blissfully unaware of how ridiculous her full-pleated skirt and loose middy appear beneath her elaborate wrap4 ,we see her at a tea1 enthusiastic over the glories of the eighteenth hole1 and interpreting the glances of her friends at her sport shoes and bright sweater as glances of admiration rather than disapproval4 ,sport clothes are for the tennis courts1 golf links1 skating rinks and similar places4 ,they have no place at teas and receptions4 ,of the transparent blouses and silk dresses of the business woman1 we will speak later2 but in drawing a comparison1 we might say that they are no more inappropriate than the eccentricities of dress assumed by some of our women of fashion4 ,the importance of this question warrants a special paragraph4 ,,the ,,eccentric ,,dresser ,many men and women1 in the mistaken belief that they are expressing personality1 adopt certain peculiarities of dress4 ,eccentric dressing always attracts attention1 and is therefore bordering on the vulgar4 ,there are1 of course1 many men and women who enjoy attracting attention1 who delight in being considered different4 ,in such people we are not interested4 ,it is the people of good taste that we wish to advise against the mistake of wearing peculiar and unconventional clothes4 ,there is a very old tale related about an ,egyptian queen who owned a chain of coral1 strung on a strip of dried skin from one of their sacred animals4 ,she gloried in the possession of it1 and in order to do full justice to it1 she forbade everyone in her kingdom to wear beads4 ,the man or woman of to-day who wears different clothes1 unconventional and in most cases unbecoming garments1 is merely obeying the same vain and selfish instinct that prompted that ,queen of long ago to forbid the wearing of beads4 ,as for personality1 the man or woman who cannot express it in correct1 conservative and conventional clothes1 certainly cannot express it in grotesque and eccentric ones4 ,,comfort ,,in ,,clothes ,beautiful dress alone is not enough4 ,we may be attracted to a manikin1 but after five minutes or so it bores us4 ,with beauty of dress there must also be a grace and ease of manner without which no man or woman is quite charming1 for uncomfortable garments rob us of all poise and grace4 ,think of holding a quiet1 serious1 calm conversation while one's foot aches painfully because of a tight shoe6 ,think of sitting gravely and patiently through a long concert while one's too-tight collar grows ever more and more irritating1 while one's narrow jacket becomes constantly more uncomfortable6 ,to be uncomfortable is to be conscious of what one is wearing2 and we know that well-dressed men and women are never conscious of clothes4 ,they know instinctively that they are well-dressed1 and with the knowledge comes a dignity that adds charm to the beauty of their costumes4 ,thus they are able to enter whole-heartedly into conversation1 feeling neither constrained nor uncomfortable but enjoying that serene satisfaction that comes when one is fully aware that one is well-dressed4 ,the early ,romans had two distinct costumes which were worn alike by rich and poor--one simple1 flowing garment for the ordinary activities of every-day life1 and one that was also simple but a bit more decorative1 for the ceremonial occasions4 ,perhaps the grace and ease of manner for which the ,romans of yore were noted was due to the delightful comfort of their dress4 ,tight shoes1 extreme styles1 uncomfortable wraps1 coats or suits--anything that in any way makes you conscious of what you are wearing1 should be rigidly avoided4 ,you are truly a slave of fashion if you allow yourself to suffer hours of torture merely to present an appearance that would have been vastly more pleasing if it had been accompanied by the graceful ease of manner of which discomfort robbed you4 ,,if ,,one ,,is ,,not ,,average ,we cannot all be perfect sixteens or perfect thirty-sixes4 ,some of us are taller than others4 ,some of us are inclined to be stout4 ,some of us are short1 and others very slender4 ,we all have distinct individualities that can be marred or starred in the manner of dress we adopt4 ,we should all study our good points and wear the kind of clothes that will emphasize them at the same time that it will conceal our defects4 ,clothes have the power of magnifying imperfections4 ,the too-stout woman can wear dresses that will make her look twice as stout4 ,the short man can wear suits that make him look very much shorter4 ,intelligence1 good judgment and a sense of beauty will achieve remarkable results for the man or woman who cares about his or her appearance4 ,there is the very thin woman1 for instance4 ,she must avoid the severely straight up-and-down lines that are so appropriate for other women who are built differently4 ,her forte is tunics1 large collars1 ruffles1 overblouses and bows4 ,soft1 filmy materials that fall in graceful lines are especially becoming1 as are checked and flowered materials4 ,stripes in all forms must be strictly avoided as they accentuate the slenderness4 ,for the thin woman1 an easy1 graceful manner is most important4 ,when she develops such a manner1 and combines it with the fluffiest and most frilly of feminine fashions1 one will see how very charming she can be4 ,the too-stout woman faces a more difficult problem4 ,she must carefully consider each detail of her dress1 making sure that it does not in any way accentuate her fleshiness4 ,she must avoid the checked and brightly-colored materials that her slender friends may wear4 ,long lines should be worn1 and it should be remembered that clothes without waistlines work wonders for the stout woman--just as the coat without a belt improves the appearance of the stout man4 ,such edicts of fashion as the tight sleeve1 round neck or short waist are not for the stout woman4 ,the ideal dress for her is one long and sweeping in line4 ,the length of the skirt1 as well as details of style1 must be adapted to her own particular requirements4 ,she will find that she will be much happier 7and her friends1 too67 if she forgets that she is stout1 and does not constantly bewail the fact to those who are with her4 ,it is not deplorable to be stout1 but it certainly is deplorable to dress in a manner which emphasizes that stoutness4 ,,tall ,,and ,,short ,,people ,tall people have a distinct advantage4 ,they are able to wear all styles1 all colors1 unless they are extremely tall4 ,they seem to have a certain natural grace that lends charm to whatever they wear4 ,but there is the too-tall person who must be careful of what he or she wears4 ,the very tall woman should avoid stripes as they add to her height4 ,she must not wear high collars1 nor severely tailored blouses4 ,the tailored suit1 however1 becomes her4 ,she should avoid bright colors and indulge a great deal in blacks and midnight blues4 ,the tall man may wear whatever he pleases--as long as it is not conspicuous4 ,he almost invariably presents an imposing and dignified appearance if he is well dressed4 ,short people1 especially short women1 must exert special care in the selection of their wardrobes4 ,the short woman must select only those gowns that have long lines1 long-waisted effects4 ,bright colors are not for her--except a touch here and there4 ,short skirts are more becoming than long ones1 just as stripes are more becoming than checks4 ,two extremes that the short woman must never indulge in1 are large1 drooping hats and extremely high heels4 ,the hat cuts her height1 and the heels give her a tilted appearance4 ,whether you are tall or short1 stout or slender1 you have some particular attractiveness1 and you should not allow the knowledge of your imperfections to make you timid or awkward4 ,it needs only the correct dress and the proper spirit of pride and dignity to accentuate your personal charms4 ,remember that it is personality that counts--personality and character--and while some of the world's greatest personalities have been exceptionally tall1 just as many of them have been extremely short6 ,,the ,,well-,,dressed ,,woman ,someone once said there is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman4 ,a pretty sentiment1 but not quite complete4 ,we would have it read3 ,there is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman well-dressed4 ,when is a woman well-dressed8 ,it cannot be when she is merely fashionable1 for when we glance at the fading portrait of some forgotten ancestor1 graceful in her ,colonial gown with its billows and billows of creamy white lace1 we feel instinctively that she is well-dressed4 ,and yet1 we cannot call her fashionable4 ,it cannot be elaborate attire1 for we know that the stylish young miss in her severely tailored suit and sailor hat is certainly well-dressed4 ,it cannot be distinctiveness--or individuality--for many a delightfully well-dressed young woman buys all her frocks and suits in the shops4 ,no1 it is neither of these--and yet1 it is all of them4 ,the well-dressed woman has the faculty of charming you--and yet you yourself know not why4 ,you know that she is well-dressed1 but when she is gone you cannot remember just what it was that she wore4 ,you have only a faint recollection of a perfect harmony of line and color4 ,she is fashionable1 yes2 and elaborate1 too1 if the occasion warrants it4 ,she is distinctive1 but not obviously so4 ,but if she is truly well-dressed1 her clothes are of the best materials and the workmanship is faultless4 ,style1 color and line are all incidental to these two dominating principles of dress--material and workmanship4 ,the striking characteristic of the woman who is well-dressed is her poise1 her grace and ease of manner1 on all occasions4 ,she is never self-conscious1 never uncomfortable4 ,she never is the center of attraction because she is never conspicuous4 ,she is simply yet smartly dressed1 graceful yet dignified1 attractive yet inconspicuous4 ,above all1 she is always well-dressed--not only on festive occasions4 ,every woman has within her the possibilities of being charming--if not beautiful4 ,it requires only the knowledge of correct dress1 of harmony and beauty in costume4 ,there is1 of course1 the woman who insists that she does not care at all about clothes1 that she does not care how she is dressed4 ,but she is the exception1 and we are interested in the rule4 ,woman does herself an injustice by being dowdy1 careless or commonplace in dress4 ,she puts herself at an unfair disadvantage4 ,charm and beauty are the heritage of woman1 and the world expects it of her4 ,,not ,a ,,slave ,,to ,,fashion ,the woman who is ruled by fashion may not consider herself a well-dressed woman4 ,if her sense of beauty is developed1 if she knows the value of art and harmony1 she will not be the slave of a stupid mode4 ,she will not worship at the pedestal of fashion1 trembling as each new decree is announced lest she be not among the very first to observe it4 ,style does not dominate her personality2 rather1 her personality dominates style4 ,and after all1 is it not absurd to adhere slavishly to that which is in vogue1 without attempting to adapt those modes to one's own individuality8 ,there is1 for instance1 the woman who discards an otherwise attractive and fashionable gown merely because the sleeves are slightly puffed instead of severely tight-fitting as the whim of ,fashion demands4 ,she does not stop to consider that puffed sleeves are infinitely more becoming to her4 ,they are not the latest--and that fact alone is enough to cause her to discard the gown4 ,an excellent thought for the girl or woman who wishes to be well-dressed1 to remember1 is3 always dress as though you were going to the photographer to have your picture taken--a picture that you are going to leave to your children to remember you by4 ,if you keep this in mind1 you will never wear commonplace clothes nor clothes that are extreme in style1 but you will dress with simplicity and taste1 being sure to add here and there a touch of your very own personality--perhaps a corsage of violets to show your love of flowers1 or a rare old cameo brooch to show your reverence for the things grown old4 ,,the ,,well-,,dressed ,,man ,few men realize the tremendous importance of clothes both in the social and business worlds4 ,the effects of dress are far-reaching--and they are certainly no less so among men than women4 ,there is the story of the man who gained admittance to the ,athenaeum ,library in ,boston1 although he was not a member4 ,after spending a very pleasant morning reading1 he prepared to leave4 ,it was then that he was attracted to a rather dowdy individual who was remonstrating indignantly with an official at the door4 ,i am a member1 ,i tell you6 he exclaimed4 ,well1 you certainly don't look it1 the other retorted4 ,the man who had spent a morning in the library hastened away4 ,he had not known that use of the reading rooms was restricted to members4 ,but no one had questioned him1 as he looked the part of a member4 ,yet1 the man who really did belong1 had to submit to the indignity of questioning and of submitting proof1 because his appearance--his clothes--did not do justice to his position4 ,we know that first impressions are the most important1 especially in business4 ,the man whose clothes are gaudy1 ill-fitting or extreme1 will find that he is not making as rapid a stride forward as his abilities warrant4 ,incorrect dress is a serious handicap4 ,in the social world1 it is not only a handicap1 but a barrier4 ,the oft-repeated ,dutch proverb may be a bit exaggerated1 but it certainly has a suggestion of truth--,clothes ,make the ,man4 ,and so we say to the young and the old man alike1 dress well4 ,dress1 not as a fashion-plate1 but with a regard for appropriate style--and with an especially keen regard for fine materials and excellent workmanship4 ,do not be content with an ordinary suit1 but be sure that each one you wear imparts that poise and dignity which is so essential to the true gentleman4 ,your wardrobe need not be filled with suits for every day and every occasion2 but a few carefully selected garments1 well-tailored and smartly styled will earn for you the enviable distinction of a well-dressed man4 ,one might remember1 to quote once again from the proverbs of the ,dutch1 that ,a smart coat is a good letter of introduction4 ,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,old ,,age ,youth may not claim sole possession of charm4 ,old age has a charm all its own--a silver charm that makes one think of mellowed roses1 and fading sunsets4 ,a delightful gray-and-lilac grandmother1 reposing quietly in the depths of a great armchair1 perhaps dreaming of a golden youth--this is a picture that artists have long loved to paint4 ,there is something strangely irresistible in old age1 especially when old age is beautiful4 ,and to make it beautiful requires only a calm assurance and kind heart combined with clothes that are in good taste and in harmony with one's years and personality4 ,of course1 one does not expect one's grandmother to wear the same kind of gay creations that young ,miss ,seventeen delights in2 nor would one expect one's grandfather to flaunt the same style of suit one's son wears at college4 ,the sound of rustling silk and sweeping petticoats is one of the charms of the elderly lady--but an abbreviated skirt would certainly make her appear ridiculous4 ,similarly1 the elderly gentleman finds dignity and distinction in a black frock coat1 but one is inclined to smile when he appears in the jaunty black-and-white checked ,norfolk suit that would better become his son4 ,yes1 age has a charm that is well worth striving for4 ,there is something decidedly imposing and impressive about a handsome old man immaculately dressed2 and there are no words beautiful enough to describe the enchantment of the silver-haired old lady in delicate colors and fabrics1 and flowing styles reminiscent of the days of powdered wigs4 ,old age has its compensations2 youth can never have its charming repose and calm4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,woman ,in these days1 when daughter and grandmother enjoy the same entertainments1 and attend the same affairs1 the clothes of the elderly woman are just as important as those of the younger4 ,we shall describe here several kinds of costumes that invariably add charm to old age1 so that grandmother may appear to advantage beside the youthful bloom of the young girl4 ,there is1 for instance1 the soft1 wide lace fichu so becoming to the elderly woman--but that the young miss cannot very well wear4 ,combined with a dress of brocaded satin1 with a full skirt that takes one back to the days of the ,quakers1 the lace fichu is most attractive4 ,then there is always the shadowy charm of black velvet and black lace4 ,for the more formal occasions when the elderly woman wishes to be particularly well-dressed1 yet not conspicuous1 a dress of black velvet1 with wide frills of black ,chantilly lace1 makes a most appropriate costume4 ,the lace may be used to veil the skirt and as sleeves4 ,the elderly woman may choose any dark color that becomes her--gray1 dark blue and black are perhaps the three colors most favored4 ,there are several light colors that are appropriate1 chief among them1 gray and lavendar4 ,materials worn by the woman-who-is-older are taffeta1 velvet1 crepe de chine and satin4 ,she should avoid such materials as organdie1 georgette and tulle--they are meant for youth4 ,,imitation ,,and ,,over-,,dressing ,two of the most common faults of elderly women are imitation and over-dressing4 ,both rob old age of its charm1 and the wise woman will conscientiously avoid them4 ,by imitation1 we mean the following of fashions and styles meant for the young person4 ,we see women celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversaries wearing fashionable dresses that are in absolute discord with their years and personality4 ,short skirts and straight-line silhouettes may be perfectly all right1 but they certainly do not give to old age the imposing dignity that is its main charm4 ,one instinctively respects and admires the white-haired woman whose skirts are of a length commensurate with her age and dignity1 and who carries herself with calm poise4 ,more than that1 one appreciates her4 ,but the woman who is growing old and insists upon keeping herself young by wearing inappropriate and inharmonious clothes1 is merely making a farce of herself4 ,there can be nothing more ridiculous than a woman past fifty in gown and wrap obviously created for the young person of seventeen4 ,instead of improving her appearance1 the elderly woman deprives herself of the charm that should rightfully be hers4 ,as for over-dressing1 it is so utterly bad form and bad taste that it requires only passing notice4 ,just as simplicity enhances the beauty of youth1 so does simplicity enhance the charm of old-age4 ,ostentation of any kind1 jewels1 bright colors1 gaudy styles--all these make old age awkward1 unpresentable and unrefined4 ,,the ,,older ,,gentleman ,one can be a good many years past fifty and still enjoy the theater1 the opera4 ,and one can easily retain the presentable dignity of earlier days by wearing clothes that are just as appropriate as those of those earlier days4 ,for afternoon wear the elderly man will find the black frock coat with gray trousers most effective4 ,he should wear white linen1 wing collar and small black tie4 ,this costume is also appropriate for morning wear4 ,in the evening the gentleman always wears full dress1 irrespective of age4 ,in the warmer climates1 gentlemen of more mature years find keen pleasure in the early morning and afternoon costume consisting of black and white patterned homespun jacket1 slacks and waistcoat of white flannel1 white linen and foulard tie4 ,black and white sport shoes and a light panama hat complete the costume admirably4 ,a ,,trip ,,to ,,the ,,south ,because it is the trip about which people are most in doubt when it comes to deciding what to take along we give here below a few suggestions about the wardrobe for a person about to start ,south4 ,to visit the balmy sunshine of the ,south1 is to require a wardrobe that will harmonize with the lazy mood of the skies of ,havana or ,miami4 ,even though the snows may have tied up traffic in one's own home town1 clothes for the ,southland trip must be delicate1 summery and flimsy4 ,one includes a bathing suit1 too1 although the lake back home is frozen over4 ,the wardrobe one takes to the ,south depends largely upon the duration of the visit and the extent of one's purse4 ,the one described here is for the average requirements of both4 ,for the mornings there must be several crisp1 demure little frocks that are easy to launder4 ,bright colors match bright skies1 and wide sashes are most becoming4 ,for afternoon wear1 frocks of taffeta1 silk and organdie are suggested--colorful little frocks made with a regard for easy packing and attractiveness4 ,canton crepe is a lovely material1 especially when it is of pale apricot or ,nile green--and it does not crush as easily as taffeta or organdie4 ,a delightful frock for ,southern wear is hand-sewn voile in a soft old rose shade4 ,with it may be worn a large-brimmed straw hat of old rose4 ,bright sweaters1 sport skirts1 sport coats1 blouses1 oxfords--all these are of course indispensable to the wardrobe for the southern visit4 ,the number of sweaters and blouses taken depends upon the length of the visit4 ,one should include a bathing suit1 a beach coat and a brightly colored parasol4 ,and the smart frock for evening strolls must not be forgotten4 ,at least one elaborate evening gown1 and two or three semi-evening gowns will be necessary even if the visit to the ,south is a short one4 ,and we would heartily recommend a fluffy little evening wrap to go with the gown4 ,then1 of course1 there are the little strapped slippers and the low-cut sports shoes to be considered4 ,one is pretty sure to be happy under the blue skies of the tropics if one's wardrobe contains a plentiful supply of gay1 colorful frocks1 blouses and sports things4 ,but one need not postpone the visit because clothes seem to be expensive2 common sense1 good judgment and a small purse go a long way4 ,,for ,,the ,,gentleman ,plenty of white duck trousers1 white linen1 light sack coats and sports clothes are necessary for the man who winters in the ,south4 ,he will find the patterned homespun jacket very smart indeed1 with slacks and waistcoat of white flannel4 ,this outfit may be worn with panama hat1 colored foulard tie and black and white sports shoes4 ,a brown or gray flannel sack suit is convenient for ,southern wear--especially in the morning and early afternoon4 ,it is attractive when worn with tan oxfords1 colored linen and straw hat4 ,flannel suits are often worn with white oxfords1 and sometimes blue serge sack jackets with white duck trousers4 ,the wise man will include a suit for motoring in his wardrobe4 ,with it he should include a motor cap1 and a light raglan coat or a coat of unshorn homespun4 ,an attractive tennis jacket for ,southern wear is of blue and black striped ,english flannel1 with a wide roll collar2 worn with white linen and white flannel trousers4 ,white tennis shoes should be included for wear with this outfit4 ,for the afternoon1 an attractive costume for the gentleman in the ,south is a single-breasted jacket of diamond weave homespun1 a double-breasted vest to match1 white flannel trousers and white linen4 ,a black tie with polka dots of white1 and black and white sports shoes add just the right note of smartness4 ,a dinner jacket and full dress suit must have place in the wardrobe one prepares for the ,south4 ,patent leather pumps should not be forgotten1 nor a silk hat for the very formal occasions4 ,of course1 there must be plenty of white and colored linen1 and a generous supply of bright ties and sports shoes and hose4 ,as for bathing suit1 golf togs and riding habits1 we leave these to the taste and discrimination of the gentleman who is contemplating the visit4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,the ,,business ,,woman ,,woman ,,in ,,the ,,business ,,world ,there was a time1 not so very long ago1 when woman's activities were confined to the home4 ,for a woman to be actively engaged in some business or profession of her own meant one of two things3 either she was an old maid or she was queer4 ,naturally1 the social standing of such women was rather doubtful4 ,but to-day1 with the equal franchise that has given woman her long-denied vote1 she has allowed her talents and capabilities to find outlet in other wider fields than those limited merely to the home4 ,there are women in law offices1 women in courts as reporters and interpreters1 women in the stock exchange1 women editors1 women directors--women in every conceivable branch of art1 industry and commerce4 ,that they are succeeding1 admirably so1 is evident in their social status4 ,years of blind adherence to false tradition have robbed woman of her proper development along business lines4 ,that explains why there is still a difference in the business status of men and women4 ,then1 of course1 there is the sex difference2 and advanced though she prides herself on being1 woman is still considered mentally inferior--for the simple reason that she is a woman4 ,it may take many years of slow development before woman is considered man's absolute equal--in business as in politics4 ,and until that time arrives1 it behooves every woman who is interested in the progress of womanhood1 to do her little share in hastening that glorious time of complete equality4 ,one of the seemingly small1 but really vital things woman can do1 is to dress so well and so wisely in business that the most exacting man can find no excuse to condemn her as a slave of fashion4 ,,self-,,confidence ,poise1 self-confidence1 dignity--all these come with the knowledge that one is well-dressed4 ,the business woman cannot afford to sacrifice self-confidence1 if she wishes to make a success4 ,self-confidence brings with it a certain forcefulness of manner1 a certain dignity of bearing that is convincing at the same time that it is impressive4 ,and clothes play a large part in the development of this self-confidence6 ,yes1 clothes1 for it is when one knows and feels instinctively that one is perfectly attired1 yet inconspicuous1 that one is in full command of one's thoughts and bearing4 ,the woman who would be a success in business1 must remember that she cannot do justice to the business of the moment1 if she is wondering whether her skirt falls just right1 whether her blouse is still crisply laundered1 whether the colors she is wearing are not too bright4 ,she becomes embarrassed1 flustered--and she fails to do justice to whatever should have been claiming her attention4 ,recently1 we read in the newspapers about a woman lawyer defending a young man accused of murder4 ,we read with a great deal of interest1 that she was a comparatively young woman1 and inclined to be eloquent in her speech4 ,we read parts of her rebuttals to the court1 and we tried to picture her standing in the center of the huge room1 surrounded by eager spectators1 facing the jury1--in a gown that was fashionable1 becoming1 yet inappropriate and uncomfortable4 ,we could not do it4 ,we knew that she could never have made the impassioned appeal that freed the defendant if she had been thinking of her clothes1 rather than of the case4 ,we pictured her in a conservative suit1 with high-necked waist1 strictly tailored throughout1 and giving the appearance of being well-dressed without anyone even stopping to think about it4 ,later we were gratified to learn definitely that we were correct--this woman lawyer who had made so tremendous a success was an extremely conservative dresser1 with simple good taste4 ,self-confidence1 poise and dignity are valuable assets to have in business4 ,correct dress aids materially in their development4 ,,the ,,slattern ,it hardly seems necessary in a book of this kind to speak about the slattern4 ,and yet1 some bits of advice we can give may be of value to some--and therefore we will not omit them4 ,by a slattern we mean a woman who shows lack of care and thought in clothing4 ,the girl whose blouse sags is a slattern4 ,the woman whose dress hangs loosely and does not fit well is a slattern4 ,the woman who looks as though she had jumped into her clothes quickly1 dashed off to the office without glancing in the mirror1 and then forgotten all about straightening her hat and belt1 is a slattern4 ,broadly speaking1 any woman is a slattern who is not scrupulously careful in her attire1 who does not show by her very appearance that she is well-groomed1 well cared for4 ,one can be perfectly groomed with the possession of just one suit4 ,a girl who is planning to have an illustrious career1 and who wishes to put aside her earnings with a view towards future investments1 need not spend large sums on clothes4 ,with one very smart1 tailored suit of a good material1 and several attractive blouses1 she can always look neat and well-dressed4 ,satin blouses1 tucked and high-necked1 are excellent for the office4 ,a soft1 fluffy little blouse of georgette transforms the suit into a quite appropriate costume for visiting and entertaining4 ,there can be no excuse for the girl or woman who does not always look her best at business as well as when she is attending to her social duties4 ,and being well-dressed does not mean expensively or elaborately dressed4 ,some of the best groomed women wear clothes that are striking because of their very simplicity4 ,,following ,,the ,,fashions ,changing constantly as they do1 ,fashions must be followed wisely4 ,to adopt each new style as it is presented1 stopping to question neither its authenticity nor permanency1 is to become very soon a literal slave of fashion4 ,to avoid this1 women of good taste adopt only those new fashions that are conservative and not obviously new4 ,anything radically different1 anything extreme1 should be strictly avoided4 ,the business woman should pay particular attention to the selecting of styles for her dresses1 blouses and suits4 ,she should never select a dress that is made with some distinct feature that may be worn for a month or two and then discarded4 ,she should never search among the fads for her blouses1 but choose instead those simple1 tailored1 becoming waists that are so appropriate for business4 ,her suits should always be dark in color1 of excellent material1 and of a style that is amply conservative enough to be worn two seasons if necessary4 ,if fashions are chosen wisely1 with a regard for simplicity2 if1 in fact1 clothes are chosen for good cut and fine material rather than attractive style1 the business woman will soon find that she is gaining a reputation for being at all times well-dressed4 ,and it is a reputation she will find valuable4 ,,gaudy ,,attraction ,one need only step into a modern office for a moment1 and glance around at the stenographers in their thin georgette blouses and high-heeled shoes1 to realize how inappropriate gaudy1 attractive clothes are in the business atmosphere4 ,the stenographers may continue to wear their flimsy waists and gaudy clothes without ever feeling sorry for it1 but the business person who expects to have a worthy career1 will find ostentation in clothes1 and especially gaudy display1 fatally detrimental to her ultimate success4 ,there is nothing more conducive to respect1 trust and honor in business than quiet tastes--in clothes as in everything else4 ,one instinctively respects the young lady who is smartly attired in dark1 simple clothes1 ideally adapted to the business environment4 ,how much more sensible she looks1 how much more eager one is to trust her with confidential information1 with responsible duties1 than the flippant person who wears gaudy clothes6 ,the wise woman will never allow bad taste to influence her to wear bright1 attractive things to business2 what she lacks in good taste and the knowledge of correct dress1 she will make up in good common sense4 ,someone once said1 ,there must be a reason for everything4 ,there must be1 then1 a good reason for everything we wear4 ,and surely there can be no reason for a bright orange georgette waist1 or a finely plaited white crepe de chine skirt worn to business4 ,women who wish to succeed in business1 should avoid all that is gaudy1 useless and inappropriate in dress1 wearing only what is simple1 becoming and neat4 ,,the ,,business ,,suit ,the correctly-tailored1 neat business suit is indispensable--as any business woman will attest4 ,there seems to be a dignity about a suit that is lacking in any other business garment4 ,perhaps it is because of its simplicity4 ,for the woman who wishes to be tailored1 we suggest the smart ,english tweed suits that are always in good taste4 ,they may be simple1 belted models with large patch pockets and straight-line jackets4 ,heather is a good color1 or gray or brown mixture4 ,worn with plain white lawn or white batiste blouses1 suits of this kind are ideal for business wear4 ,jersey suits are also appropriate1 if they are developed in dark colors1 and simple styles4 ,loose1 belted jackets are always in style1 or they may be slightly fitted at the waist4 ,most popular and most becoming of all is the navy blue serge suit4 ,it is always appropriate4 ,it can be worn with white or colored blouses1 and always presents a neat appearance4 ,if it is well made and fits perfectly it will impart that well-groomed look so important to business women4 ,for exact style of suit1 fashion magazines or personal tailors must be consulted4 ,in the summer a woman may with propriety wear simple frocks of gingham1 chambray1 linen1 and other washable materials4 ,,the ,,business ,,dress ,,and ,,coat ,dark colors and heavy materials are always better form for business frocks than light1 colorful materials4 ,good taste is undeniably evident in the simple1 one-piece business dress of navy blue serge or tricotine4 ,a bit of lace at the neck1 or perhaps some touch of bright color1 relieves the sombre darkness of the dress yet does not add any undue or inappropriate attraction4 ,please remember we are not trying to preach here1 or lecture you on the extremes of style4 ,what we are attempting to do is merely point out for you what is correct and incorrect to wear in business circles1 and we feel sure that you can make no mistake by following our advice4 ,for instance1 there is the woman who is seeking valiantly to make a success in some line of business hitherto barred to women4 ,yet she wears an expensive fur coat and attractive frocks that would be better fitted to the dance floor4 ,she wonders why her superiors hesitate to trust her with important responsibilities4 ,she does not realize that her lack of discrimination in dress1 her evident lack of knowledge of what is correct to wear at business1 has caused them to lose confidence in her4 ,the business coat should be of cloth1 never completely of fur unless one's position is high enough to warrant it--and even then it should be only of one fur1 instead of a combination of two or three1 and made with a regard for simplicity and inconspicuousness4 ,however1 the most appropriate business coat is made of a heavy cloth1 plain or fur-trimmed for winter1 and light-weight1 dark-colored material for the warmer days4 ,the hat1 of course1 follows the general note of simplicity and is usually small and dark4 ,a turban is excellent1 and it is one of the few fashions in hats that remains always popular4 ,,an ,,appeal ,,to ,,business ,,women ,it took many centuries of hammering before the portals of business and industry and art were thrown wide open to women4 ,now that that has happened it is her duty and pride to conduct herself in such a way that there can be no regrets and vain longings for the return of the woman of yesterday4 ,by her manner and her dress a woman determines her place1 and the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the goal of perfect womanhood4 ,when she enters business she must realize that she is on an equal footing with men and she should not demand or expect privileges simply because she is a woman4 ,what she does and says and wears during the hours of her social life is entirely distinct from her business life1 though1 of course1 she is always courteous1 however hard it may be sometimes to control herself under the grinding of the routine work at the office4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,,on ,,the ,,street ,,the ,,true ,,etiquette ,etiquette1 in its truest sense1 is an exponent of self1 rather than a manifestation towards others4 ,we do what is right and courteous because no other behavior possibly could be consistent with our claim to be well-bred4 ,as ,shakespeare has said1 ,to thine own self be true2 ,and it must follow as the night the day1 ,thou canst not then be false to any man4 ,instinctively1 and with no thought of impressing others1 the well-bred man does and says what is correct4 ,and his manners are as polished and cultivated in his home1 at business and in public1 as they are at the most formal social functions4 ,it is not enough to observe the conventions of society when you are in the elaborate ballroom or at a fashionable dinner4 ,you must be always1 at all times1 in all places1 as courteous and well-mannered as you would be in the most impressive surroundings4 ,the world judges you by your manners in the street car and on the avenue just as severely as it does in private homes and at social functions4 ,do what is correct because you are well-bred1 and not because some important person is watching you4 ,then you will truly be following the rules of courtesy4 ,,poise ,,in ,,public ,mightiest powers by deepest calms are fed says the proverb4 ,and ,dr4 ,crane1 himself a mighty power1 supplements the saying by one of his own--,the silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind4 ,it is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking4 ,the loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy1 boisterous conduct has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come into contact with it4 ,in public and elsewhere you are accredited with as much refinement and gentility as your manners display--no more4 ,it is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement4 ,in training in the etiquette of calm behavior1 there can be no better test than that of controlling the temper4 ,do not confuse this serenity of manner with cowardice2 for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also forbids one to endure insolence4 ,by learning to control the temper1 one develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest assets in the social and business worlds4 ,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,courtesy ,real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality4 ,instead1 it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy1 whether they are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room4 ,and it is this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a factor in civilization4 ,all doors open to courtesy1 the proverbs tell us4 ,the general public so sadly abused in book and speech1 is quick to recognize courtesy and eager to respond to it4 ,before a pleasant face and a courteous manner1 all obstacles vanish1 and we find ourselves progressing easily through the world1 making friends as we go4 ,some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our association with others4 ,this is a serious blunder which many men and women make4 ,it is not commendable to be frank1 when courtesy is sacrificed4 ,be truthful and just1 but do not be unkind4 ,and it certainly is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal1 unless there is a special reason why it should be done4 ,how much better it is to gain the reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally frank6 ,there are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the well-bred4 ,and these same tests prove that a careful attention to the rights and comforts of others1 is one of the most decided marks of good breeding4 ,for instance1 at the postoffice one can immediately discern the well-bred man4 ,he stands quietly in line until there is room for him at the window4 ,he does not crowd4 ,he does not attempt to push ahead of others to reach the window before his turn4 ,he does not interfere with other people's business2 he would be horrified at the thought of deliberately loitering near a window to overhear the private affairs of some other man4 ,he is quiet1 unobtrusive and considerate1 moving quickly away from the window for the next person's convenience4 ,in manner and speech1 he is essentially courteous4 ,it is impossible to be a lady or gentleman without gentle manners4 ,and it is impossible to have gentle manners without being courteous4 ,the word courtesy to-day should carry the same meaning of beauty and charm that the word chivalry did in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries4 ,,ladies ,,and ,,gentlemen ,there was a time1 not so long ago1 when a most marked reserve was required between men and women in public4 ,but to-day1 with the advent of women into almost every branch of business1 art and profession1 there is a tendency to loosen this social barrier and create a more friendly relationship between men and women4 ,the stiff formalities of a decade ago have given way to a much more pleasing social harmony and understanding4 ,etiquette requires that the association of men and women in refined circles shall be frank without freedom1 friendly without familiarity declares a recent writer on good manners4 ,there is no longer need for the strained reserve formerly felt when women were in the company of men in public4 ,if the correct rules of etiquette are observed1 and courtesy and poise follow in their wake1 the man and woman in public may be as entirely at ease and unrestrained as they would be in a drawing-room or at an informal dinner4 ,american gentlemen have the reputation of being more chivalrous than the gentlemen of any other country4 ,american ladies are acclaimed the most charming and intelligent in the world4 ,thus1 when the speaker on the platform addresses the public audience as ,ladies and ,gentlemen the expression should mean something more than merely a careless formality4 ,,when ,,to ,,bow ,,in ,,public ,to bow or not to bow is often a puzzling question6 ,some authorities on etiquette claim that it is correct to bow first to a person of higher social position4 ,others assert that social position has nothing to do with it1 and that it is age alone that determines who shall bow first4 ,the question devolves upon several very important rules that should be rigidly observed4 ,the first1 and invariable rule1 is that the woman always bows first when meeting men acquaintances4 ,her bow assumes the proportions of a simple greeting2 the head is slightly inclined1 she looks directly at the man recognized1 and smiles cordially4 ,to the woman1 therefore1 is given the privilege of recognizing or refusing to recognize a man acquaintance4 ,however1 the really well-bred woman will never ignore in public a person1 man or woman1 with whom she has had even a slight acquaintance--unless she has a very good reason to do so4 ,two young women meeting in public greet each other with a certain degree of spontaneity which consequently eliminates any question regarding the first bow4 ,but when one of the women is married and the other unmarried1 the first bow invariably comes from the former4 ,younger people1 of the same sex1 always wait for the first sign of recognition from the older person4 ,young women who are dance partners or partners at the dinner table with men who are not personal friends1 incur the social obligation of bowing courteously when chance meetings are made in public1 even though there is no desire to continue social acquaintanceship4 ,also1 when a man or woman has been invited to an entertainment at a house through the good offices of a friend of the hostess1 he or she must wait to receive first recognition from that hostess when meeting in public4 ,gentlemen meeting each other in public observe the same rule as that outlined for two women1--the younger waits for first recognition from the elder4 ,if both are of the same age1 the question of first bow is unimportant4 ,people meeting often during the day need not bow elaborately each time2 a simple smile or glance of recognition is sufficient4 ,it is extremely rude and unkind to cut an acquaintance publicly by staring coldly in response to a courteous bow and smile4 ,there are so many more dignified methods of terminating an undesirable acquaintanceship4 ,it is necessary only to keep one's eyes averted1 persistently but not obviously if one wishes to avoid greeting an undesirable acquaintance4 ,or if one wishes one may bow with extreme formality1 but a bow and smile in public should always receive some kind of acknowledgement1 no matter how severely formal4 ,,walking ,,in ,,public ,first in importance to remember when walking in public is poise and balance of bearing4 ,the expression the debutante's slouch is a direct result of the lazy manner of walking recently adopted by a number of young women4 ,aside from its bad effect upon health1 this manner of walking is both ungraceful and unattractive4 ,men and women both should remember that an erect1 well-poised bearing is more impressive than the most elaborate costume4 ,a lady does not take a gentleman's arm when walking with him in the daytime unless she is elderly or infirm4 ,it is only after dark that she properly accepts the support of her escort4 ,in this case1 she merely rests the palm of her hand lightly within the curve of his elbow4 ,it is extremely bad form1 as well as ungraceful1 for her to link her arm through his4 ,the gentleman always walks nearest the curb unless on a special occasion when the street is very crowded and he wishes to protect her from the jostling crowds4 ,he may offer his arm to the lady in crossing dangerous streets or to guide her through congested traffic4 ,when walking with two ladies1 a gentleman's proper position is not between them2 if it is in the evening1 he offers his arm to the elder lady and the other friend walks by her side4 ,there seems to be a mistaken belief that a gentleman walking with two ladies must sandwich himself between them1 but correct social usage teaches that this is entirely wrong4 ,the ladies always walk side by side4 ,on no occasion may a gentleman take a woman's arm4 ,good society regards this as a disrespectful freedom4 ,thus1 whenever he feels that she needs his protection1 a gentleman should offer a lady his arm1 but never attempt to thrust his hand through her arm4 ,it is not even correct for him to grasp her by the elbow 7as so many young men insist upon doing67 when crossing a street4 ,,stopping ,,for ,a ,,chat ,very often we meet1 in the course of our daily strolls1 old friends or acquaintances with whom we are eager to have a little chat4 ,this is entirely permissible1 if certain laws of good conduct are observed4 ,one should never stop on the street to talk1 but should walk on slowly with the person with whom one wishes to converse4 ,remember that primarily all conduct in public should be characterized by reserve4 ,while it is entirely allowable to call a jolly ,hello6 to a friend one meets in a country lane1 even though one still is fifty rods away1 it would be extremely bad form on ,broadway or ,fifth ,avenue--or ,main ,street in any town4 ,a cordial but quiet greeting shows good breeding2 a greeting so conspicuous that it attracts attention is never in good form4 ,conversation should be carried on in quiet and subdued tones4 ,above all1 be natural in your speech4 ,do not attempt to be flowery in your language1 or different merely because there are strangers around to hear--and admire4 ,and if you do stop to converse with your old friend1 be sure that you speak sensibly of things of mutual interest2 there is no excuse to stop merely for the sake of exchanging inanities4 ,whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the dinner table4 ,confidential business should not be discussed on the street or in the department store2 the proper place for such private affairs is in the office or parlor4 ,if addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain street or number1 show a cheerful and kindly interest4 ,it is perplexing and often embarrassing to be in an unfamiliar town or country1 and whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous manner4 ,someone once said1 ,if you must do a thing1 do it with all your heart4 ,to do it half-heartedly is to rob it of all its charm4 ,let this be your motto in regard to the courtesy extended strangers who seek your aid4 ,,when ,,accidents ,,happen ,gibbon said1 ,accident is commonly the parent of disorder4 ,but where there are only people of culture and fine breeding1 an accident is devoid of all haste1 hysteria or other indications of disorder of any kind4 ,it is the final test of correct manners1 this being able to conduct oneself with calmness and dignity even in moments of most distracting circumstances4 ,and besides its cultural aspects1 calmness in time of danger or accident is often the means of saving lives4 ,the rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident occurs4 ,the person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of himself and becomes hysterical4 ,presence of mind when someone faints or is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such occasions4 ,when an automobile or railroad disaster occurs1 it is the calm person who is most helpful4 ,and surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of good conduct everywhere4 ,,accepting ,,courtesies ,,from ,,strangers ,ella ,wheeler ,wilcox1 writing about etiquette1 said ,etiquette is another name for kind thought4 ,the man who says ',i know nothing about etiquette' does not realize that he is saying ',i know nothing about courtesy to my fellow beings4' ,one of the reasons why ,america has truly been the land of golden promise to so many strangers from other shores1 is that there are always so many men and women eager to help1 eager to show those little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit4 ,etiquette and courtesy are synonymous4 ,but it is not alone with the giving of courtesies that we are interested4 ,it is important that we know the correct way to accept them4 ,and it is particularly important that we know the correct way to accept courtesies extended to us in public4 ,there can be nothing more discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks or a smile4 ,the question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a gentleman who is a perfect stranger4 ,to settle this definitely1 we say that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her clothes may be4 ,she may1 however1 accept the courtesy if it is offered by a gentleman to whom she has been introduced at a dinner1 dance1 theater party1 or other social function4 ,if a woman drops her bag or gloves and they are retrieved by a passing man1 it is necessary only to smile and say ,thank you4 ,no further conversation is permissible4 ,but if a man saves her from some grave danger1 such as being thrown down by a horse1 or run over by a car1 it is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask1 ,may ,i have the pleasure of knowing to whom ,i am indebted8 ,to offer further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some male member of her family1 a brother or husband1 to the home of the man who has been of service to her4 ,she should never offer money in appreciation of the service1 unless it is evident that he is a working man2 and even then she should use tact4 ,such courtesies as assisting to pick up bundles that have dropped to the ground1 opening a door that has stuck or giving desired information1 require only the conventional ,thank you4 ,no courtesy1 however slight1 should be accepted without evidence of gratification1 even though it be but a slight smile4 ,,raising ,,the ,,hat ,when bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting1 when walking with a woman and bowing to another man of his acquaintance1 a gentleman raises his hat4 ,similarly1 when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a woman1 the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend1 whether or not that friend is known to him personally4 ,the hat is also raised whenever a gentleman offers a civility to a lady1 whether she be friend or stranger4 ,elderly men1 superiors in office1 clergymen and men of distinction are entitled to the courtesy of lifting the hat4 ,hat in hand goes through the land say the ,germans4 ,and ,cap in hand never did any harm is the gem we find among the ,italian proverbs4 ,when in doubt1 raise your hat4 ,surely it is better to be too polite 7if such a thing were possible7 than to be rudely discourteous to someone4 ,the question of whether or not the hat should be removed in the elevator is perplexing4 ,some contend that the elevator is the same as a small room in a private home1 and therefore that the hat should be removed4 ,others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the street1 and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat4 ,the question of drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion--but ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion3 as the elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling1 it may be considered in the same class as a room1 and the polite man will keep his head uncovered--especially while there are women in it4 ,the man who is very susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace it immediately4 ,but it is not courteous to retain the hat entirely4 ,,how ,,to ,,raise ,,the ,,hat ,it is not enough to know when to raise the hat1 one must also know the accepted manner of doing it4 ,profound and elaborate bows are old-fashioned and un-,american4 ,while lifting the hat one should incline the head slightly and smile4 ,but it must be remembered that the unmannerly habit of touching the hat1 instead of lifting it is an indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry4 ,a hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm is a proverb well worth remembering4 ,why raise your hat at all1 if you do it only as an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible8 ,if you want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that you are polite4 ,a graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an unsmiling face4 ,but both together--a sincere smile and a graceful lifting of the hat--are most pleasing to the person for whom the greeting is intended4 ,many gentlemen1 while speaking to ladies in the street1 stand with their heads uncovered4 ,while it is a polite custom1 it is dangerous to the health and therefore should not be indulged in except in warm weather4 ,the most usual method is to lift the hat upon meeting1 slowly replace it during the conversation or while walking beside the lady1 and lift it again when taking leave of her4 ,,in ,,the ,,street ,,car ,the world is on wheels6 declares a modern writer4 ,everyone is going somewhere1 and all the world is moving6 ,and ,dr4 ,eliot of ,harvard1 in a recent newspaper article1 deplores the fact that the younger generation is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs4 ,there is a general coarsening of manners declares the president emeritus of ,harvard ,university4 ,young women expect to encounter rudeness from young men and they do not resent it and when one watches the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every day one is inclined to agree with him4 ,the custom of relinquishing one's seat1 for instance1 is not as marked as it was a decade ago4 ,perhaps the new suffrage amendments may have something to do with it4 ,perhaps the war and woman's changed status is the reason4 ,or it may just be a coarsening of manners4 ,but whatever it is1 we do not find our young men of to-day as eager to relinquish their seats in the car as they were several years ago4 ,women should never indicate by word or glance that they wish a man to give up his seat4 ,but the woman who is ill1 or who is extremely tired should feel no hesitancy in making the request if her need is really great4 ,when the seat is given1 the owner should be thanked for his kindness4 ,this holds true whether the courtesy has been requested or whether it has been spontaneous4 ,boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable--as it is anywhere else4 ,the girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be doing it to attract attention to herself but merely to give vent to her gay spirits1 but it is most unattractive4 ,all noise is waste--but it is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the person who is the perpetrator4 ,,entering ,,the ,,car ,in ascending a car on an omnibus1 a man assists the woman he is escorting by a slight touch at the elbow4 ,he enters after her1 finding her a seat and taking his place next to her4 ,if there is only one empty place in the car1 he stands directly in front of her1 or as near as possible4 ,if a man relinquishes his seat to the woman1 the escort must lift his hat and offer a word of thanks for the kindness4 ,a smile from the woman is sufficient4 ,in leaving the car the order is reversed2 the gentleman leaves first and assists the woman in alighting4 ,a man pays all fares and fees for the woman he is escorting4 ,but when a man meets a woman in the street by chance and they both enter a car together1 he is not under obligation to pay her fare4 ,common sense has made a rule of its own in this matter1 and some men insist upon paying the fare of women they meet even inside the car4 ,but etiquette tells us that only an escort is under obligation to pay the fare of a woman4 ,,in ,,the ,,taxicab ,here again the woman enters first1 assisted by her escort4 ,there is no rule as to which side she should take in the car2 she enters first and takes the furthest seat1 whether it be to the right or left4 ,in alighting the man again leads the way1 assisting the woman to reach the ground safely4 ,a word of caution will not be amiss here4 ,no woman or girl should ride in a taxicab with a man who is not her escort1 unless she has a very good reason for doing so4 ,it is not conventional1 and in most cases it is not prudent4 ,the woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties of good conduct1 who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their truest sense1 does not ride in a taxicab with a man1 and allow him to pay the bill1 unless he is acting as her escort4 ,and ordinarily1 a gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance1 formal dinner or theater party4 ,if the taxicab has double seats1 the man should take his place with his back facing the driver1 unless he is an old friend of many years' standing4 ,a new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked him to do so4 ,,some ,,social ,,errors ,reserve should not be confused with haughtiness4 ,the first is a necessary social attribute2 the second is a regrettable social evil that should be carefully avoided4 ,to be haughty1 proud1 superior1 is to indicate that you hold those beneath you in contempt4 ,when etiquette is based on courtesy and a consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man1 one readily sees why this is a mistake4 ,a haughty person is a conceited person4 ,a haughty person is an unkind person4 ,and therefore1 a haughty person is an uncultured person4 ,reserve1 on the other hand1 is a calm dignity that comes with the knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct4 ,it is that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all semblance of pride1--yet with sufficient self-respect to attract instinctively the respect of others4 ,reserve is that which is developed only after close application to1 and experience in1 the laws of good conduct4 ,haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects of uncultured manners4 ,the other extreme of haughtiness is self-consciousness4 ,both faults are the result of too much self-thought4 ,to overcome self-consciousness1 which makes you awkward1 easily embarrassed1 and ill at ease--think less of yourself6 ,think of the books you have read1 of the people you have met1 of the new scenes you have observed4 ,take a more keen interest in people4 ,speak to them4 ,don't be afraid of them4 ,but most important of all1 forget yourself4 ,and before you realize it1 you will have developed sufficient poise and unself-consciousness to be confident to appear in the most elaborate drawing-room1 among the most brilliant and highly cultured people1 without feeling the least bit ill at ease4 ,our personal appearance is our show window where we insert what we have for sale1 and we are judged by what we put there4 ,if you remember to observe this bit of philosophy of ,orison ,s4 ,marden's--not only in dress1 but in speech and manners and bearing--you will invariably do and say and wear what is correct in public4 ,,chapter ,v ,,at ,,the ,,theater ,,and ,,the ,,opera ,,dress ,,at ,,the ,,theater ,,and ,,opera ,for a matinee a simple street dress of a dark material is appropriate except during the summer months when one may wear dainty fabrics and light colors4 ,in the evening if one is to sit in a box one should wear evening dress1 not so elaborate1 however1 as that worn at a ball or dance4 ,if one is to sit in the orchestra full or semi-evening attire is appropriate but in the cheaper seats such attire is out of order4 ,plain street dress should be worn4 ,,entering ,,the ,,theater ,there is one law of good conduct that cannot be over-emphasized--and that is the law of making oneself inconspicuous4 ,a man or woman who is the center of attraction when the occasion does not merit it1 cannot claim the distinction of being entirely well-bred4 ,there seems to be a certain dignified simplicity and modesty in dress1 speech and behavior that distinguishes well-bred people and enables them to move with ease and unconscious grace among people of every status and position4 ,,arriving ,,late ,whether it be the theater1 opera1 lecture or some other public entertainment1 it is exceedingly bad form to arrive late4 ,people who are considerate always make it a point to arrive five or ten minutes before the hour set for the performance4 ,when one is unavoidably detained and reaches the theater after the curtain has been raised1 it is polite to remain at the rear of the auditorium until the first intermission4 ,it is permissible to take one's place quickly and quietly while the audience is applauding2 but it is rude and inconsiderate to attempt to find your place while the performers are on the stage and the attention of the audience has been fixed4 ,it is good form for the man or woman who arrives late to excuse himself or herself to the people who are disturbed while the vacant place is being reached4 ,one may say1 ,i am sorry to disturb you1 or1 ,pardon me4 ,those who are seated should rise to allow passage if the place is very narrow1 but if there is sufficient room for them to pass without stumbling it is better for those who are already seated to keep their places1 drawing aside to facilitate matters for the new-comers4 ,,about ,,wraps ,it is customary for a woman to slip off her wrap in the lobby and carry it on her arm to her place1 where it may either be placed over the back of her chair or folded in her lap4 ,some big theaters now have checking rooms for women1 where wraps may be left until after the performance4 ,other theaters arrange for a wrap-checking service in the ladies' dressing-room4 ,individual preference must decide whether the wrap shall be checked or kept with one4 ,but to stand up after the play has begun1 and leisurely divest oneself of one's wraps1 is a breach of good manners4 ,if her wrap is a light one a woman may keep it on until she is seated and then slip it off her shoulders and let it fall over the back of her chair4 ,hat and veil are usually removed after one has been comfortably seated4 ,or1 if one prefers1 they may be checked in the dressing-room4 ,in the evening1 when decollete is worn with an evening veil and no hat1 the veil may be dropped over the shoulders and kept throughout the evening4 ,a very common fault is to begin to put on wraps and hats before the performance is over4 ,this is rude to the performers and unjust to the people around you4 ,wraps should not be touched until the curtain has fallen for the last time1 even though one is anxious to leave4 ,politeness is a vital law of good conduct1 and certainly nothing could be more impolite than to interrupt an actor or lecturer by fussing with clothing4 ,gentlemen usually check their hats and coats in the lobby2 otherwise they remove them both before taking their places4 ,the hat is deposited under the chair1 and the coat may either be folded and placed over the knees1 or over the back of the seat4 ,,order ,,of ,,precedence ,there seems to be some doubt as to the correct order of precedence upon entering and leaving the theater or concert hall4 ,some authorities on etiquette claim that the correct order is for the usher to lead the way to the seats1 the lady following immediately behind him1 and after the lady1 her escort4 ,but more modern usage has changed this order of precedence4 ,to-day it is correct for the usher to lead the way1 a few feet ahead of the gentleman4 ,immediately behind the gentleman follows the lady4 ,the reason for this change is that it enables the gentleman to stop before their places and hand the lady to her seat4 ,otherwise this duty devolves upon the usher4 ,however1 as the lady precedes the gentleman in almost everything else1 it is safe to assume that both methods of precedence given above are correct4 ,one thing is certain--it is absolutely incorrect for lady and gentleman to walk down the aisle together1 arm in arm4 ,,before ,,the ,,play ,upon entering a theater or concert hall a few moments before the curtain is drawn1 one becomes immediately conscious of the gentle buzz of voices throughout the audience4 ,while it is entirely permissible to carry on a conversation before the play begins1 it is most offensive to those who are sitting near for one to act in a noisy1 conspicuous manner4 ,low tones are a mark of cultivation4 ,as a matter of fact1 loud noise of any kind is an exhibition of thoughtlessness1 and it can be so easily avoided by a little caution4 ,another reprehensible habit often indulged in before the play is that of standing up and glancing around one in the search of a familiar face1 then nodding and smiling conspicuously to a friend in some other part of the auditorium4 ,after having once been seated one should remain so1 instead of rising and disturbing others4 ,it is merely a form of vanity to search for friends among the audience and endeavor to attract their attention4 ,a certain gayety of manner is1 of course1 in harmony with the occasion1 but it should be the kind of gayety that is under control4 ,it is commendable to be smiling and cheerful--but be careful that you do not laugh boisterously or talk loudly4 ,,when ,,the ,,curtain ,,is ,,drawn ,the first chord of the orchestra should be the sign for absolute quiet in the theater4 ,there can be nothing quite as rude as continuing a conversation while the musicians are doing their best to entertain you4 ,usually1 when the orchestra begins1 programs are hastily opened and scanned4 ,this causes an unpleasant rustling sound that mars the effect of the music and is sometimes very disturbing to music-lovers who are sitting near you4 ,the time to glance through the program is while you are waiting for the play to begin1 and before the musicians have taken their places4 ,then it should not be referred to again until during intermission4 ,people who arrive while the orchestra is playing should be particularly quiet4 ,care should be taken that chairs are not clattered or allowed to drop noisily4 ,,during ,,the ,,performance ,it hardly seems necessary to say that talking or continued whispering during a performance is ill-bred and rude4 ,young people are most at fault in this matter4 ,they must learn to curb their enthusiasms and criticisms until after the performance or during the intermissions4 ,the intelligent listener never interrupts declares an eminent authority4 ,complete quiet should be maintained during a performance or concert2 all talking or whispering is interruption4 ,beating time to the music1 whistling or rustling programs are also unmannerly4 ,if anyone near you is inconsiderate enough to talk or hum during the performance1 it is entirely proper to turn and in quiet tones request that he or she be more quiet4 ,it is necessary1 though that you do not speak in a curt or offensive manner that will cause antagonism on the part of the stranger4 ,a kind request always meets with an immediate response4 ,you might say1 ,pardon me4 ,do you mind speaking a little lower8 or ,would you mind speaking more quietly8 ,it is polite1 also1 to offer a reason1 as ,i cannot hear very well4 ,will you please speak more softly8 ,if the person thus addressed complies with your request and answers you politely1 you should acknowledge it with a very courteous ,thank you4 ,but there should be no further conversation during the performance4 ,,the ,,offending ,,hat ,the polite woman removes her hat as soon as she is comfortably seated4 ,to wear a hat that obstructs the view of the people behind is inconsiderate--and anything that is inconsiderate is also ill-bred4 ,if you find that it is necessary to ask the woman sitting before you to remove her hat1 be sure that you couch your request in terms of careful politeness4 ,this is very important4 ,the cultured man or woman is polite at all times1 and especially so when reminding someone of a politeness that has been overlooked4 ,it should be remembered that a hearty smile and a friendly manner go a long way in winning a similar response4 ,pardon me1 madam1 but may ,i ask that you remove your hat8 is the form usually used4 ,but a better way is to offer some explanation1 as1 ,i am sorry to disturb you1 but your hat is in my way4 ,will you kindly remove it8 ,the simple form ,will you please remove your hat8 is sufficient if it is accompanied by a pleasant smile4 ,but under no circumstances is a curt1 ,take off your hat permissible4 ,if one hesitates to speak to a stranger he or she may call the usher and request him to ask the offender to remove her hat4 ,the woman thus addressed may1 upon complying with the request1 either smile and remain silent1 or say simply1 ,yes1 indeed4 ,other forms frequently used are ,certainly1 ,i am sorry1 or1 ,pardon me4 ,the two latter forms are perhaps the best1 for they indicate that the offender realizes her lack of politeness and is sorry4 ,,applause ,clapping hands is a natural language of delight4 ,very young infants clap their hands when they are happy4 ,children clap their hands to express their pleasure4 ,and older people clap their hands to show appreciation and enjoyment4 ,but stamping of feet1 whistling1 or noisy acclamation of any kind is bad form4 ,this may seem superfluous in a book of etiquette1 but it is surprising how many otherwise cultured men stamp noisily or whistle when something said or done upon the stage particularly pleases them4 ,ill-timed or continual applause is disturbing to performers and audience alike4 ,indiscriminate hand-clapping is not only annoying1 but reflects poor judgment upon the offender4 ,when you feel that an actor or lecturer merits applause1 give him a short and hearty hand-clapping1 but do not make the mistake of clapping noisily and excessively each time the opportunity presents itself4 ,it should be particularly remembered that ill-timed applause hinders the progress of the performers4 ,,during ,,intermission ,at a theater party1 when there are several men and women in the party1 the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for a few moments4 ,but they must not indulge in this privilege more than once during a performance1 if they wish to be polite and considerate to the ladies4 ,and they should not go without excusing themselves to the ladies whom they are escorting4 ,when a young man and woman are together1 it is the height of ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission4 ,if he wishes water or candy or programs1 the usher will attend to it for him4 ,he must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get something for her4 ,a gentleman alone may1 of course1 come and go as he pleases during intermission4 ,if one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission1 or if one wishes to leave before the performance is over1 a courteous apology must be made to the people who are disturbed4 ,i beg your pardon1 or1 ,may ,i trouble you to pass8 are the forms most frequently used4 ,when the aisle is reached1 it is polite to acknowledge the obligation by smiling and saying1 ,thank you4 ,illustration3 ,photo by ,george ,h4 ,davis1 ,jr4 ,courtesy of the ,woman's ,home ,companion4 ,,the ,,buffet ,,lunch ,the informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers ,during intermission it is permissible to step across the aisle or into another box to greet a friend4 ,often introductions are made1 but they are not formal and need not gain future recognition4 ,as soon as the curtain begins to rise1 the caller must return to his own place4 ,,leaving ,,the ,,theater ,if you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation1 you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater and while you were waiting for it to begin4 ,speak in low tones1 smile but do not laugh1 discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that no one but your companion will hear you4 ,it is bad form to gather in small groups and discuss the play in loud tones4 ,leave the theater as quickly as possible4 ,the attendants are waiting to close it4 ,it usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the auditorium4 ,as soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time1 gather your wraps together1 slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly down the aisle to the rear4 ,then pass quickly out of the theater and out of the way4 ,but if you still carry your wraps1 you may either go to the dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have arranged them4 ,shakespeare said1 ,all the world's a stage4 ,if this is true1 do we not owe the stage the same courtesy1 respect and honor that we owe the world of fellow-men8 ,be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,,hotel ,,etiquette ,,at ,,the ,,hotel ,there is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman must be governed when stopping at a hotel4 ,it is a mistaken idea that one may act as one pleases1 merely because the hotel is public4 ,but it is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the home of a friend4 ,indeed1 the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to make embarrassing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes4 ,this is especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a day or two at a big hotel in the city4 ,only by knowing thoroughly the laws of good conduct1 as adapted to hotel life1 can one expect to move smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies4 ,at home1 or even when visiting at a friend's home1 a boor may remain undetected4 ,but how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at a hotel6 ,there are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray him2 the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is cultivated1 well-bred4 ,and they invariably treat him accordingly4 ,the definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs4 ,but for one's general conduct it should be remembered solely that the hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration than the hospitality extended by a friend4 ,,the ,,woman ,,guest ,to-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade ago4 ,the war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of ,america1 and they travel all over the country on political1 professional and business enterprises as well as for pleasure4 ,it is1 consequently1 necessary for them to stop often at hotels2 thus they must know exactly how to conduct themselves4 ,some hotels1 in smaller towns1 have ladies' entrances4 ,the woman visitor should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances1 and if so should govern her actions accordingly4 ,but in large cities1 hotels generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without embarrassment4 ,business often takes the modern woman into strange towns1 and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in stopping at a hotel--providing she knows how to conduct herself4 ,hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the hotel4 ,the woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk1 register1 and then follow the page assigned to her1 to her room4 ,it is not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after one has registered4 ,a wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone beforehand1 requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the case may be4 ,this will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the hotel because there is no room4 ,it is always a wise plan for a woman to reserve a room in advance1 especially if she is to arrive late at night since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour4 ,the day of the chaperon is practically over1 except in the cases of very young girls4 ,but women to-day travel very often in the company of their maids4 ,whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other are chosen1 depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and maid1 and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel4 ,the usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms4 ,a woman never stops at a hotel without baggage4 ,even though she intends to stay only over-night1 she should carry a small handbag with her4 ,a woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously4 ,on no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with valises and bags4 ,a hotel attendant should take them from the car and deposit them on the floor near the desk2 or the guest's chauffeur should deposit them at the entrance of the hotel1 to be attended to by one of the hotel attendants4 ,,receiving ,,masculine ,,guests ,a gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel1 gives his name to the desk clerk4 ,it is not necessary to offer a card4 ,the form in most common usage is1 ,mr4 ,roberts to see ,miss ,nelson4 ,the clerk will call ,miss ,nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the telephones in the lobby1 and advise her of the visitor4 ,if she is ill and does not wish to see him1 she will say1 ,please tell ,mr4 ,roberts ,i am indisposed and ,i am sorry that ,i cannot see him to-day4 ,but she should not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of legitimate excuse4 ,if she is not ready to greet visitors1 she may say to the clerk1 ,tell ,mr4 ,roberts ,i shall be downstairs in a half-hour4 ,that is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor waiting4 ,ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception room of the hotel4 ,they may be hatless and gloveless1 if they wish1 observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their drawing-room at home4 ,but if the visits are entirely of a business nature1 it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat4 ,to welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many years of strict practice to uphold it4 ,it is a serious blunder in hotel etiquette4 ,if a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel1 whether it be in a business or social capacity1 and finds that she is not in1 he may leave his card with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her4 ,it is necessary1 however1 that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended2 for the memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think they are1 and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong guest4 ,,making ,,friends ,,at ,,the ,,hotel ,hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely1 especially if one is stopping there all by oneself4 ,and there is the very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table1 or the charming young woman in the dressing-room4 ,but everyone1 and the woman especially1 should be extremely careful in making friends and acquaintances at the hotel4 ,self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel4 ,in the dining-room1 in the lobby1 in the rest-rooms1 conversations are often started that result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships4 ,but one should be prudent4 ,it is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your confidence4 ,while conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for the hospitality extended by the hotel1 it is important to remember that after all the hotel is not a private home1 but a temporary one for travelers--for the public4 ,the conventions you observe in public must therefore also be observed at the hotel4 ,strangers still remain strangers1 even though you sleep under the same roof with them4 ,if a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman1 either in the hotel lobby or the dining-room1 and he wishes to become acquainted with him either for business or social reasons1 he may request the manager of the hotel to make the necessary introduction4 ,he may also indulge in the self-introduction1 but it is never as effective as the introduction made by a third person4 ,,how ,,to ,,register ,it is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign herself in the hotel register without the title of ,mrs4 or ,miss4 ,a married woman should register as ,mrs4 ,harris ,k4 ,jennings1 an unmarried woman as ,miss ,mildred ,jennings4 ,it is decidedly bad form to sign oneself ,millie ,jennings1 or ,flossie ,jennings for ,florence4 ,the full first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct title of ,miss or ,mrs4 ,only the eldest daughter1 or only daughter1 of a family may sign herself1 ,miss ,jennings4 ,when traveling together1 a mother and daughter register as ,mrs4 ,harris ,k4 ,jennings1 ,miss ,mildred ,jennings4 ,even a very young girl is registered in this manner4 ,a small boy's name appears in the register as ,master ,edward ,jennings4 ,a husband and wife register as ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harris ,k4 ,jennings4 ,to use the expression ,mr4 ,harris ,k4 ,jennings and wife is considered very bad form indeed4 ,only those who are ignorant of the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder4 ,after the name1 the town and state from which the visitors have come should be written in the register4 ,thus the complete entry of a young lady would be1 ,miss ,mildred ,jennings1 ,cambridge1 ,mass4 ,a gentleman would register in this manner1 ,mr4 ,harris ,k4 ,jennings1 #fha ,fifth ,ave41 ,new ,york4 ,even if he lives in ,new ,york and stops at a hotel in that city1 he must write ,new ,york after his name4 ,nor is it correct for him to omit the ,mr4 from before his name4 ,deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided4 ,the well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear1 small1 legible script4 ,,in ,,the ,,public ,,dining-,,room ,a gentleman is known by the way he eats1 declared a well-known writer recently in one of his newspaper articles4 ,and this is particularly true in the hotel dining-room1 where one is judged--or misjudged--by one's table manners2 and one should remember to make them as gracefully correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home4 ,if you drop a fork or other part of the table service1 do not stoop to pick it up4 ,simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to attend to4 ,a most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that has been dropped1 wipe it carefully with the napkin1 and proceed to use it4 ,the correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge4 ,it is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to dinner4 ,in the dining-rooms of the larger hotels1 however1 women generally do not appear hatless4 ,even though one is a permanent guest and a special table is reserved for one each evening1 it is better to wear a hat to dinner at the hotel4 ,loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners4 ,and this applies not only to the dining-room1 but to the private rooms as well4 ,as a rule1 the partitions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can be heard in the next room4 ,for this reason1 it is also discourteous to play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin4 ,at the table1 conversation may be conducted only when low1 natural tones of voice are used4 ,loud talking should be avoided4 ,guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be sent to the room with a menu4 ,the order is given1 and the waiter will see that it is satisfactorily filled4 ,for this service he should receive an extra fee from the guest4 ,,hotel ,,stationery ,hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room4 ,this is meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest4 ,more of this paper is usually found in the writing-room4 ,do not waste the hotel stationery4 ,use it only if you have to4 ,you would not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your friend4 ,then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your hotel8 ,just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a friend1 so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and regulations of the hotel4 ,never take any of the hotel stationery away with you4 ,it is as wrong in principle as carrying away one of the ,turkish towels4 ,use only as much as you need for your correspondence1 and leave the rest behind you4 ,,regarding ,,the ,,servants ,arrogance is only another form of selfish pride4 ,the man or woman who is cultured is never arrogant4 ,after all1 isn't it sham--sham adopted to cover the defects of manner and bearing8 ,if you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel attendants1 if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in his duties1 complain to the manager4 ,do not scold the servants themselves1 or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a thing correctly4 ,the greatest vulgarity--and you will do well to remember this--is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because he or she has to earn his or her own living4 ,there is nothing to be ashamed of in good1 honest1 faithful toil4 ,but the person who ridicules it has a great deal to be ashamed of4 ,be considerate to the hotel attendants4 ,do not expect the maid to come hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning4 ,the guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as the person who is constantly complaining and scolding4 ,,leaving ,,the ,,hotel ,when you are ready to leave the hotel1 call an attendant to carry your baggage down to the entrance4 ,do not attempt to carry it down yourself1 whether you are a man or woman1 unless you have only one or two small valises4 ,different hotels have different rules with regard to keys4 ,some require that the key be returned to the desk clerk4 ,others require that it be left in the room4 ,when in doubt1 the best form is to return the key at the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill4 ,after this is paid1 ring for a servant to call a car2 never do this yourself4 ,tipping1 though an entirely un-,american custom1 is still widely practiced4 ,when leaving the hotel1 it is necessary to tip1 or fee1 those hotel attendants who have been of service4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,travel ,,etiquette ,,the ,,restless ,,urge ,,of ,,travel ,man is essentially a restless being4 ,ever since the world began1 men and women have found themselves growing impatient1 eager for new scenes1 new faces1 new experiences4 ,first they packed up their few belongings and moved by foot to another place a few miles away4 ,then they took down their tents and put them up in some other place4 ,soon we find them building houses1 and at different periods moving to other houses4 ,gradually1 through the ages1 as man's desire for wider experiences and a wider radius for travel and exploration developed1 the horse-drawn carriage appeared1 then the steamboat1 then the locomotive1 the surface car1 the subway1 the automobile and airplane4 ,diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man1 and he would have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man1 woman or child who does not love to travel4 ,everyone likes to see new scenes1 meet new people1 enjoy new experiences2 and the easiest way to accomplish this is through traveling4 ,,the ,,customs ,,of ,,countries ,in ,america1 where almost everyone is something of a tourist1 the etiquette of travel must not be neglected4 ,and it is particularly important that the customs of foreign countries be respected1 especially now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among the nations is increasing every day4 ,somehow1 we ,americans feel that there is no other country in the world quite as wonderful as our dear ,united ,states4 ,there is1 of course1 no reason why we should not believe this2 but it is bad form and poor judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you believe it4 ,the man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all foreign countries and their forms and customs1 is not impressing the natives with his vast superiority1 but is really convincing them that he or she is an ill-bred simpleton4 ,and even our beloved ,america is hardly perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting4 ,in traveling abroad1 every national prejudice1 every custom of every little town or village1 should be observed as nearly as possible4 ,when in ,rome do as the ,romans do is the truest courtesy that can be observed by those who travel4 ,well-bred and polite people conform to native customs no matter how strange they may appear4 ,and they do it gracefully1 with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain4 ,in her book ,fear and ,conventionality1 ,elsie ,parsons relates an incident during her visit to ,tokyo4 ,she and her companions were the guests of ,japan4 ,as they were on their way to the station1 the natives stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages4 ,realizing that it must be some native custom1 the occupants of the carriages merely smiled and allowed the cards to remain4 ,perhaps if they had been haughty individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion1 thrown aside the cards1 and won the everlasting hate of the natives not only for themselves but for all future ,american tourists4 ,for one ill-bred traveler makes it hard for the next people who pass along the same route1 however courteous they may be4 ,the best way to make a pleasant journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying circumstances and conditions4 ,,the ,,traveler',s ,,wardrobe ,it is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when traveling4 ,wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises1 in other countries1 and there is really no need to impede one's journey with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked1 looked after and traced4 ,many people have journeyed happily all over ,europe with only a suit case or two4 ,women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling4 ,a dark1 tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste1 especially when worn with a small dark turban or toque4 ,in her wardrobe should be simple1 but smart frocks for the afternoon1 an evening gown1 numerous fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two4 ,an abundant supply of fresh undergarments is essential1 but even these can be bought during the trip if the supply does not hold out4 ,remember that it is a wise rule to take too little rather than too much4 ,an experienced traveler can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries4 ,the wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as possible4 ,of course the number of suits and the quantity of linen he takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social activities he expects to indulge in4 ,if the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a paper bag in which the hat may be placed4 ,on a trip of this kind it is permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request4 ,,in ,,the ,,train ,an ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in the train4 ,he will claim more service and comfort than he is entitled to4 ,he will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance4 ,he will encroach upon the rights of others1 assume an air of importance1 and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners4 ,when in the train1 be as solicitous of the passenger's comforts as you would be of your dearest friend's1 if he or she were traveling with you4 ,do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort to others4 ,do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other passengers will be likely to trip over it4 ,it is good nature1 courtesy and an affable adaptation to unexpected circumstances that mark the lady and gentleman in traveling4 ,if someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to flying cinders or other discomforts1 it is permissible to request politely that the window be lowered again4 ,the courteous man or woman will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance4 ,all boisterous behavior1 loud laughing and talking1 are as reprehensible in the train as they are in the drawing-room4 ,composure of manner and a calm1 easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler4 ,he who is restless1 excitable1 fidgety1 who talks in loud tones1 walks back and forth to the water cooler many times1 arranges and rearranges his belongings1 is merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is traveling for the first time1 and that he does not know how to conduct himself4 ,it should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place1 and therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly about people who are absent while you are traveling on it4 ,this habit of talking about people who are absent is most uncivil4 ,how often do we overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is picked to pieces by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about1 choose their friend as the subject of their conversation4 ,it is unkind1 and it is certainly bad form4 ,,in ,,the ,,sleeping ,,car ,in traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is entitled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth has the seat facing backward4 ,if a lady was unable to procure a lower berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at discretion accept the offer4 ,when one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the berth4 ,in crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes4 ,it is courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made for the night1 and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue or slight illness1 he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do so4 ,the person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself with a dressing gown1 a traveling toilette case containing the necessary accessories such as brushes1 soap1 tooth-paste1 pins1 etc4 ,one may dress and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths4 ,it is not permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other travelers4 ,,train ,,courtesy ,a gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first4 ,he does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat1 nor does he open a window near her without having first requested and obtained her permission to do so4 ,civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train4 ,one may be courteous to the gruff ticket collector and polite to the bustling expressman4 ,a soft answer turneth away wrath--and we usually find that a curt1 peremptory order receives response that is no less curt2 but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate friendly response4 ,thank you is never superfluous1 and it is only the exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service1 no matter how trivial1 has been performed for him4 ,when a gentleman sees that a woman passenger is having difficulty in raising a window1 he need feel no hesitancy in offering to assist her4 ,however1 the courtesy ends when the window has been raised2 he resumes his seat and the incident is closed4 ,it is incorrect for him to attempt a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way4 ,the gentleman should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train1 or to a man very much older than himself4 ,a man or woman carrying a child should never be permitted to remain standing4 ,a gentleman never allows a woman to feel incumbent upon him for monetary assistance4 ,for instance1 if a young and inexperienced woman is traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to get something to eat1 the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take her order4 ,or if no porter can be found1 he may himself get her a sandwich and a glass of milk4 ,but he must absolutely accept the money expended for these articles1 otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly feel embarrassed4 ,,the ,,woman ,,traveler ,women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before4 ,we find young and elderly women traveling across country for business purposes1 for relaxation1 and for pleasure4 ,and though conventions are no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago1 these women who travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their grandmothers ever enjoyed4 ,women who have not had much experience in traveling1 who are ignorant of the laws of good conduct while en route1 are prone to expect a great many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the gentlemen passengers4 ,very often they make themselves appear rude and ill-bred by their assumed manner of haughtiness4 ,it is the quiet1 dignified manner that commands respect2 not the exacting1 fault-finding and imperious one that so many women like to affect4 ,the woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people around her for her own4 ,it is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon having a window open1 when you know that others around you object1 even though they are all men4 ,and it is just as discourteous to accept a seat that a gentleman has kindly relinquished1 or to accept any other courtesy1 without offering polite thanks4 ,it is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens4 ,a two-minute delay1 a brief unexplained stop1 is enough to make some women fret and fume4 ,the woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and reserve4 ,she should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-passengers of either sex1 and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without cordial thanks4 ,but beyond those few conventional words of thanks1 there should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know4 ,and yet1 when the journey is a very long one1 lasting perhaps more than a day1 what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or the newest best-seller with the motherly looking woman beside her8 ,common-sense is often the better part of etiquette4 ,,the ,,woman ,,who ,,travels ,,with ,,an ,,escort ,when a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train1 he incurs all expenses4 ,he buys her ticket at the station1 attends to the checking and directing of her luggage1 carries her hand-bags and sees that she is comfortably seated4 ,he pays for all magazines and newspapers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her4 ,he also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip4 ,a lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train4 ,she takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps to the gentleman4 ,he may1 if he excuses himself1 spend part of the trip in the smoking car1 but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady by herself throughout the trip4 ,in fact1 it is wise after the first few hours of travel1 to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want to nap or to read a book4 ,even one's dearest friend1 or one's favorite brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of continuous conversation on a noisy train4 ,,in ,,the ,,dining-,,car ,when a man meets a woman on a train1 and after a brief conversation1 invites her into the dining-car1 she may assume that he wishes to be the host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay for her meal4 ,however1 the woman who travels alone must be extremely circumspect in her conduct1 and she must not incur monetary obligations from men who are almost strangers to her4 ,for instance1 if a man and woman who have met just once before and who are not really friends but slight acquaintances1 find that they are traveling to the same place at the same time1 they may for mutual pleasure's sake1 elect to travel together4 ,this is especially true when the journey is one of four or five hours' duration1 when a bit of conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip4 ,in this case1 if both decide to go into the dining-room together1 the woman must by no means allow the man to pay her bill4 ,he may pay the tip1 if he wishes1 but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of the bill4 ,a considerate woman will wait until they are back at their seats before venturing to reimburse her companion4 ,it is better to have the waiter present separate bills4 ,this does away with all awkwardness and embarrassment4 ,a gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to pay for her meals on the train1 unless there is only one and he feels that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion4 ,but if the trip lasts several days1 the woman should insist that she pay her own expenses4 ,this is especially important if the escort is a friend and not a relative2 she should by no means allow him to pay her bills4 ,,children ,,on ,,the ,,train ,very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children4 ,the mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other passengers4 ,it is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or four hours1 and the wise mother will see that they have something to amuse themselves with4 ,a big picture book for the boy1 a doll for the girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child from becoming impatient and restless4 ,it is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles1 to climb over the backs of the seats1 to play noisy games or in any other manner disturb the other passengers4 ,nor is it proper for them to eat continually1 crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor of the train4 ,correct1 well-bred little boys and girls will remain quietly seated in their places1 watching the scenery or looking at the pictures in the book2 and if they converse at all1 it will be in a low tone that does not annoy the man or woman in front who is reading4 ,it is never too early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect4 ,if a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor1 he should answer politely2 but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be flattered and indulged1 and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him more harm than good4 ,courtesies extended children should be gratefully acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother4 ,,in ,,the ,,taxi ,,cab ,when one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the hotel4 ,it is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one4 ,the best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as to arrive in the day time4 ,if this cannot be done she must perforce accept the alternative4 ,if a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting in himself4 ,at the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays and tips the driver4 ,ten per cent4 of the amount of the fare is the usual rate4 ,unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay her fare4 ,,bon ,,voyage ,,gifts ,many people like to send their friends bon voyage gifts of flowers1 books1 fruit or candy when they are going away4 ,steamer letters are always acceptable and if they are arranged in some novel way they may be most delightful4 ,a series of letters or small packages1 one to be opened each day1 go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the journey4 ,similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long railway trip4 ,the address of packages sent to steamers should include the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the number of the pier4 ,,on ,,board ,,the ,,ship ,the only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea4 ,life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality1 fortunately1 especially for those who are making the voyage alone4 ,the days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the other passengers because they had not been formally presented4 ,it is quite permissible1 if one feels so inclined1 to speak to the person whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in the ship's dining-room4 ,,courtesy ,,on ,,the ,,ship ,although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship to the extent of permitting passengers to talk to one another without formal introductions1 there is no excuse for lack of courtesy4 ,the man or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other passengers1 who is discourteous or rude1 will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the others4 ,it is1 for instance1 very bad form to use someone else's pillow1 deck-chair or book1 without having first requested permission to do so4 ,it is also impolite to speak in loud tones1 or to read aloud1 where it would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read4 ,noisy conduct of any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding1 and it is only the extremely ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment upon each passenger on board the ship4 ,passengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the ship4 ,not only is it very incorrect to do so1 but it may be criminal or unsafe4 ,to inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other passengers4 ,remain in your stateroom or on deck1 but do not wander into places where ship-ethics forbid you4 ,,the ,,woman ,,crossing ,,the ,,ocean ,it is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone4 ,but very often a young woman correspondent or journalist1 or perhaps a woman buyer for some large fashion establishment1 finds that business takes her abroad4 ,she need feel no hesitancy or embarrassment in attempting the trip1 if she knows and understands all the little rules of good conduct that govern railroad1 steamship and hotel etiquette4 ,the young lady who is alone1 should be careful that she does not make haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship4 ,it is much wiser for her to find companions among the women passengers1 and later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman acquaintances4 ,she must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made only on board the ship1 to assume any of her expenses4 ,nor should she sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new acquaintances4 ,she must be extremely careful of her conduct1 and she must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon4 ,when there is a dance on board the ship1 the woman who is traveling alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not formally met2 but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid dancing with a man who is a total stranger4 ,a ,,concert ,,at ,,sea ,very often1 as the sea voyage draws near an end1 a concert or entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund1 or merely for the amusement of the passengers4 ,all those who are accomplished in any way--who can sing1 dance1 recite or play a musical instrument1 are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion4 ,those who are specially requested to do so1 should consent amiably2 it is very rude1 indeed1 to refuse without some very good reason4 ,the passenger who absents himself from the concert which all other passengers attend1 is both impolite and ill-bred4 ,whether he cares to or not1 he should attend for the sake of courtesy4 ,and everyone should contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert4 ,only a very selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this kind4 ,,at ,,the ,,journey',s ,,end ,in the excitement of reaching terra firma once again1 a few people are inclined to forget the courtesies due the other passengers4 ,a little while before the ship reaches the dock1 cordial farewells should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly4 ,hand-shaking is in order1 and a polite phrase1 such as1 ,good-by1 ,mrs4 ,jones1 ,i hope ,i shall have the pleasure of seeing you again1 is most appropriate4 ,if it is desired1 an exchange of cards may accompany this leave-taking1 especially if one really wishes to continue the friendship4 ,farewells on board a ship should be brief but cordial4 ,long1 sentimental farewells should never be indulged in for1 at the most1 they cause only sorrow at the parting of a brief friendship that may perhaps never be resumed4 ,a warm handclasp1 a sincere word or two of farewell--and it should be over4 ,,at ,,hotel ,,and ,,restaurant ,when arriving in a strange city1 a traveler immediately asks to be driven to whatever hotel he has previously decided upon4 ,here he registers1 using the same form that appears on his visiting card but adding to it the name of the city from which he has come4 ,the woman who is traveling alone does well to wire or phone ahead to the hotel and request that they reserve a room for her4 ,while at the hotel1 her conduct must be unimpeachable4 ,she must not entertain masculine visitors in her private rooms1 but only in the public reception room of the hotel4 ,she must not return to the hotel after midnight1 and she should not dine alone in the hotel dining-room after eight o'clock4 ,when a large party is to dine at a hotel1 the table should be reserved and the dishes chosen in advance4 ,this will save a great deal of confusion and waste of time4 ,if the dinner is not arranged for in advance1 the host or hostess should do all the ordering1 subjecting it1 of course1 to the approval of the guests4 ,,at ,,tea-,,room ,,and ,,roof ,,garden ,there seems to be something about a tea-room1 whether it be at home or in some strange city or town1 that is conducive to quiet and peacefulness4 ,loud talking and boisterous laughter is entirely out of place1 and those who are guilty of indulging in these two improprieties condemn themselves as ill-bred4 ,at the tea-room the lady always retains her hat4 ,gloves are removed and wraps may either be slipped off the shoulders or completely removed4 ,at the roof garden1 hats are also worn1 except in the evening when full evening dress is worn4 ,here also1 it is important that a quiet reserve of manner characterize the lady and the gentleman4 ,no amount of frivolity and gayety in the atmosphere of one's environment can excuse noisy1 ill-mannered conduct4 ,,to ,,those ,,who ,,love ,,to ,,travel ,almost everyone enjoys traveling1 but there are comparatively few people who really appreciate it4 ,to those who love to travel1 who find it an inspiration and a delight1 the following bits of information may be of interest4 ,if you want to enjoy a trip to a foreign country--let us say ,france1--spend a week or two reading about the history and literature of that country4 ,make notes while you are reading1 give your imagination full rein1 and absorb just as much knowledge as you can of the habits and customs of the ,french people4 ,the cultivation of the imagination is especially important2 while you read about ,france1 picture the tiny villages and big cities to yourself1 try to visualize the people and their homes4 ,and when you do arrive in ,france1 you will find keen enjoyment in seeing the people and places that lived first in your imagination4 ,we promise that you will enjoy your trip a great deal more than if you neglected to devote a little time to the reading up of the important facts about the country you intended to visit4 ,another very good plan is to buy a ,french-and-,english or a ,spanish-and-,english dictionary before or as soon as reaching those countries4 ,whether one knows the language or not1 it is always safest to have one of these little volumes handy4 ,they are absolutely indispensable to those who expect to travel in a country the language of which is entirely unknown to them4 ,wise tourists carry a map of the countries they intend visiting4 ,it saves them much time1 and often prevents mistakes4 ,these maps may be obtained of most reliable stationers1 and they take up very little space4 ,there are times1 during the journey1 when their help is well nigh invaluable2 and a map is nearly always a safer guide than a native4 ,a camera is a splendid thing to have along on one's trips abroad4 ,no matter how vivid an impression a certain scene makes upon one's mind1 it is bound to fade with the passing of a year or so4 ,but a clear snap-shot taken of that scene will keep it fresh indefinitely1 for one needs only to glance at the picture to have all associations with the scene recalled4 ,the latest cameras have a device for writing the date and name of the place on the negative1 to be printed with the picture4 ,it is most convenient for the tourist4 ,there are too many of us who rush through the world seeing nothing4 ,we race through one country after another1 hustling and bustling1 feeling important and acting the part--and we feel that we have traveled4 ,but that is not travel4 ,true travel is when a man or woman visits a strange country and carries back with him1 or her1 to be remembered forever1 impressions of the people and customs of that country--valuable impressions that make his or her life fuller1 wider1 more in sympathy with the great world of fellow-men4 ,better stay at home and read good books about foreign countries1 than rush through them with unseeing eyes1 merely to be able to tell those at home that you have been abroad4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,,tipping ,,an ,,un-,,american ,,custom ,everyone knows that tipping is a ,european custom and is entirely un-,american in principle4 ,but while the custom is observed as widely in this country as it is to-day1 it is both inconsiderate and bad form to ignore it4 ,the wages of waiters end waitresses1 porters and hotel servants are outrageously small1 for the reason that they receive tips for each service they perform for individual guests and travelers4 ,if the tipping custom were abolished1 the wages of these people would be correspondingly increased2 but as things are now1 it is inconsiderate to deprive them of the tips that both they and their employers expect that they will receive4 ,in a little tea shop in ,fifth ,avenue in ,new ,york1 the following is printed on the back of each menu3 ,tipping is an un-,american custom4 ,help us abolish it by adding #aj;c to the amount of your bill4 ,at the end of the week1 the waiter will receive the entire amount added to his wages4 ,patrons have greeted this plan enthusiastically4 ,they feel that it presages the ultimate abolition of a custom that has long been in disrepute because it is so distinctly un-,american4 ,the waiters in this progressive little tea-room serve each patron with the same degree of courtesy and respect2 there is no fawning servility1 no unfair dividing of service between two patrons4 ,let us hope that before long all restaurants and hotels will follow the lead of the little tea-shop that revolts against the undemocratic custom of tipping4 ,but for the present1 while it remains a national custom1 we must know when to tip and how to tip1 and the correct amounts4 ,in certain states1 as in ,south ,carolina1 tipping is illegal4 ,in this case as in all others of a like nature1 the rules of etiquette are set aside in favor of the statutes of the law4 ,,lavish ,,tipping ,the man or woman who gives a waiter or a porter a tip that is entirely incommensurate with that individual's services1 is not impressing by his generosity1 but is earning the derision of the servants for his lack of savoir faire4 ,extravagance in tipping is like extravagance in any other form--it is decidedly vulgar4 ,a servant should be tipped according to the amount of service rendered4 ,the hall-boy who brings you a pitcher of ice-water should not receive the same amount as the waiter who serves a full course dinner4 ,nor should the maid who cares for your room be forgotten while the porter who carries your trunks is handsomely rewarded for his few minutes' service4 ,,in ,,dining-,,room ,,or ,,dining-,,car ,at a hotel1 when a guest expects to stay for a long time1 he may reward the waiter in the dining-room for his services at the end of each week4 ,one dollar is considered the correct amount for a woman guest for a week's service in the dining-room1 and one dollar and a half for the gentleman guest4 ,individual tips should amount to ten per cent4 of the bill4 ,in the dining-car a tip of twenty-five cents is sufficient for the services rendered a man or woman4 ,the woman who travels alone may leave twenty-five cents for the waiter in the dining-car4 ,the man who travels alone should leave ten per cent4 of the bill1 or more according to the services received4 ,the woman who travels with children and stops at a hotel dining-room or a restaurant along the route1 for dinner1 should remember that children always require extra service and trouble1 and the waiter or waitress should be tipped accordingly4 ,a woman with one child should leave a twenty-five cent tip2 and when there are more children the tip should be increased so as to be commensurate with the services received4 ,,at ,,the ,,hotel ,women are never expected to tip as generously as men4 ,at a hotel1 the woman should remember the hall-boy1 the chamber-maid1 the porter1 and the waiter in the dining-room4 ,when her stay is a short one1 twenty-five cents apiece is sufficient for each one1 except the hall-boy1 who is given a tip of ten cents whenever he performs an individual service4 ,if her stay is longer1 she should tip according to the amount of service received from each servant4 ,the man at the hotel is not expected to tip the chamber-maid unless she performs some very special service for him4 ,but he tips all others who serve him in any way4 ,the porter should receive ten cents for each trunk that he carries to the room1 and more if he performs additional service4 ,ten cents is adequate compensation for the bell-boy whenever he performs some service1 and it should be forthcoming immediately upon the completion of that service4 ,both men and women guests are expected to tip a hotel employee whom they send out on an errand in proportion to the services rendered4 ,if the trip to be taken is a long one1 and entails a great deal of trouble4 ,the tip should be a generous one4 ,,the ,,taxi-,,driver ,in large cities where taxicabs are fitted with meters that give the exact amount of ground covered and the corresponding cost1 the traveler has nothing to fear4 ,he may pay the amount with full confidence that he is not being over-charged4 ,his tip should be fifteen or twenty-five cents1 according to the length of the trip2 or if the taxi-driver has been specially requested to make the trip in the shortest possible time1 and if the distance covered is unusually long1 a tip of fifty cents should be forthcoming4 ,but in some small towns where taxicabs have no meters1 unsuspecting strangers are often forced to pay twice or even three times as much as the trip is actually worth4 ,for this reason1 it is always wise to know exactly the values of certain trips1 and the careful man or woman will know when it is worth one dollar and when it is worth three4 ,to remonstrate with the driver when you feel that he has excessively overcharged is to discourage his future attempts to do the same thing to others4 ,a distance of twenty city blocks--or one mile--should never amount to more than fifty cents2 from this figure it should be easy to compute what longer trips should cost4 ,there is no more reason why exorbitant tips should be paid the taxi-driver than the waiter4 ,he performs no greater service1 except in unusual cases1 such as catching a train in time or getting you to a physician quickly4 ,the amount of the tip should be in proportion to the amount of the bill1 if the trip is just an ordinary one4 ,,on ,,the ,,train ,the man in the baggage room who gathers together and checks the trunks will expect a tip of at least twenty-five cents4 ,a woman may offer less than this--but never less than ten cents4 ,to the porter who carries the hand luggage aboard the train and finds a comfortable seat for the traveler1 a tip of fifteen or twenty-five cents should be given1 and the parlor car porter who performs many little services during the trip should be similarly tipped4 ,when the railroad journey is longer than twenty-four hours1 the man and woman will find that they have several people to tip in the sleeper4 ,the porter who makes the beds and blackens the boots will expect nothing less than twenty-five cents1 and for extra service he is entitled to extra compensation4 ,others who perform services are tipped in amounts that are commensurate with the services rendered1 and immediately upon the performance of those services4 ,,crossing ,,the ,,ocean ,it was on a ,german steamship that the custom of raising a contribution for the band of musicians originated4 ,some steamships to-day still observe this custom1 but on better ships1 where the musicians are of a high order1 it has been abolished4 ,if the collection is made1 at the end of the journey1 each passenger should feel it incumbent upon him to contribute at least twenty-five cents4 ,fifty cents is not too much1 and some people who have particularly enjoyed the music1 offer one dollar or even more4 ,it is very bad form1 indeed1 to refuse to contribute to this fund4 ,the servants to be remembered on the steamship are the bedroom steward1 the table1 deck and bathroom stewards1 the stewardess1 and the boy who blackens the boots4 ,masculine passengers do not tip the stewardess unless she has rendered them special service4 ,tips to the servants mentioned above should be governed by the amount of service rendered4 ,for instance1 if a woman passenger has been ill all the way across1 she is expected to give a generous tip to the stewardess who has nursed her4 ,five dollars would not be considered extravagant in this case4 ,the man who has been ill should be just as generous with the bedroom steward and all others who have attended him4 ,when leaving the ship1 no one who has been of any service whatever should be forgotten4 ,the porter who helps you with your hand luggage and sees you safely down the gang plank should be rewarded with no less than twenty-five cents4 ,,tips ,,in ,,foreign ,,countries ,americans in ,germany1 ,england or ,france should learn at once the values of ,german1 ,english and ,french money4 ,otherwise they may make mistakes that will cost them quite a bit4 ,for instance1 an ,american woman in ,england recently gave a crown to a hotel maid1 thinking that it was equivalent to our quarter4 ,the maid realized that the woman did not know the value of it1 and she explained it to her4 ,but the traveler must remember that not all servants are so scrupulous4 ,tips in foreign countries should be given on the same basis as the ones given to those who serve us here in ,america4 ,extravagance is bad form1 and not to give at all is niggardly4 ,the amount of the tip should always be commensurate with the service performed4 ,americans have every right to expect respectful and courteous treatment wherever they chance to be1 and they must not feel that they are expected to pay exorbitant fees to obtain it4 ,,chapter ,,ix ,,etiquette ,,abroad ,,the ,,american ,,in ,,foreign ,,countries ,the ,american who goes abroad and expects to learn in a few days the customs1 manners and even the language of the countries he visits1 is like the proverbial ,irishman who comes to ,america and expects to find the streets paved with gold4 ,both are doomed to disappointment4 ,one of the most undesirable features of travel abroad is to be forced to depend upon the half-incorrect interpretations of guides for one's comfort and pleasure4 ,how much better it is to be able to talk to the natives of the country themselves1 and to understand them and their ways6 ,a little preliminary preparation before the trip1 or while one is on the way1 serves as an excellent foundation upon which to build one's knowledge of the language and customs of a foreign country4 ,good manners are1 of course1 universal2 and the man who is well-bred in ,america is sure to be correctly-mannered when he is in ,france or ,england4 ,and yet there are slight differences between the etiquette of ,america and the etiquette of foreign countries4 ,they do not affect one's courtesy or kindliness of manner1 but they do affect those daily little conventionalities1 such as greetings1 farewells1 table etiquette1 addressing clergy and royalty1 etc4 ,to be ignorant of these rules is to be susceptible to embarrassment and uncertainty1 and to incur the displeasure and unfriendliness of foreigners of good social standing4 ,the following paragraphs will1 we hope1 help the man or woman who is traveling abroad1 for they contain all the important details of foreign etiquette4 ,but in addition1 we have suggested that those who intend to visit ,france or ,germany or any other foreign country1 spend a little time reading about that country and learning a bit about the language4 ,there are many good books available in public libraries and elsewhere1 that teach one a great deal about the people1 interesting places1 and language of foreign countries4 ,,on ,,english ,,soil ,perhaps it is because ,america and ,england have so much in common1 that their etiquette is so very similar4 ,we find that balls and receptions and entertainments1 dinners1 calls1 funerals and weddings1 in fact1 almost all social functions are celebrated in practically the same manner as is considered best form here in ,america4 ,the changes are so slight that they are not important enough to mention4 ,but there is one radical difference between ,english and ,american conventionalities that usually cause difficulty to the tourist4 ,we refer to the royal society of ,england which requires a very special kind of recognition4 ,the traveling ,american who visits an ,english court will expose himself to a great deal of embarrassment if he does not know the correct court etiquette--if he does not know the proper titles and their recognition1 how to address the ,king or ,queen1 how to conduct himself while in the presence of royalty4 ,,addressing ,,royalty ,although every ,american tourist delights in being presented at court1 or to a royal personage1 it is usually regarded as a nervous and embarrassing business--for the reason that one does not quite know just what is correct to say and do4 ,when addressing the ,king1 there are two correct forms and no others that may be used4 ,one may say either1 ,your ,majesty or ,sir4 ,there are also two forms that may be used when addressing the ,queen4 ,they are1 ,your ,majesty or ,madame4 ,when answering a question put by either of these rulers1 one may not use the brief ,no or ,yes4 ,no1 madame1 or ,yes1 sir1 are the correct forms4 ,when addressing the ,king1 the form ,your ,majesty is used4 ,all children of the ,king and ,queen are addressed as ,your ,royal ,highness4 ,this same title is used when addressing the brother or sister of the reigning monarchs1 or the brother or sister of the late ,king4 ,in speaking to royalty1 one does not use the simple expression you1 but expresses oneself in this manner1 ,has your ,royal ,highness been to ,america recently8 ,one rule that all ,americans should observe when in the presence of foreign royalty is to wait until they are addressed by the persons of rank4 ,they themselves should not volunteer remarks but should enter into the conversation only when they are directly addressed4 ,to use a title of rank1 such as ,your ,majesty or ,your ,royal ,highness incessantly1 is to make it seem superficial4 ,it should be used only when respect and convention demand it4 ,when presented to royalty1 a man is expected to bow1 a woman to courtesy4 ,the hand is never offered in greeting1 unless the person of rank makes the first motion4 ,in the presence of the ,queen everyone should show some mark of respect--men stand with heads uncovered and women bow slightly4 ,americans should follow these customs if they do not wish to earn the enmity of their ,english brothers and make their stay in the country unpleasant4 ,but most of all1 they should do it because it is the polite and proper thing to do4 ,americans should also remain standing at the theater or opera when the national anthem1 ,god ,save the ,queen1 is sung1 or while the rest of the audience stands in respect for a member of the royal family who has not yet been seated4 ,,other ,,english ,,titles ,an ,american in ,england is very likely to meet some persons of high hereditary title1 if they are not presented at the court itself4 ,when speaking of a ,duke1 one says1 ,the ,duke of ,lancastershire4 ,when addressing him1 one says1 ,your ,grace or ,my ,lord ,duke4 ,familiarly1 by those who know him well and address him as an equal1 the ,duke is addressed merely as ,duke4 ,the same rule applies to the ,duchess4 ,formally she is addressed as ,your ,grace2 familiarly she is addressed as ,duchess4 ,the eldest son is entitled to the highest of the lesser titles of his father4 ,thus1 the eldest son of a ,duke who was a ,marquis immediately before receiving his ducal degree1 is known as the ,marquis1 and is addressed as ,lord ,barrie 7if ,barrie happened to be the surname of the family74 ,earls1 ,viscounts and ,barons are addressed in the same manner1 when their titles are given them as courtesies1 as the eldest sons of ,dukes4 ,the wife of anyone of the titled men mentioned above would be addressed as ,lady ,barrie4 ,a curt ,no or ,yes is extremely rude on the part of an ,american when answering a question put by the wife of a person of nobility4 ,one should say1 ,no1 ,lady ,barrie4 ,the younger sons of a ,duke are addressed as ,lord ,james or ,lord ,sidney ,barrie4 ,daughters are addressed as ,lady ,helen or ,lady ,louise ,barrie4 ,a ,marquis 7not the eldest son of a ,duke1 but a recognized ,marquis by ,english law7 is entitled to the formal title of ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship when addressed by traveling ,americans--or by their own country-people4 ,by his friends or equals he is addressed as ,lord ,denbigh or ,marquis4 ,on formal occasions1 or by those of lesser rank1 a ,marchioness is addressed as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship4 ,but her friends and equals call her ,lady ,penhope or ,marchioness4 ,just as the eldest son of a ,duke bears a courtesy title1 so does the eldest son of a ,marquis4 ,this eldest son is called ,lord ,denbigh4 ,the daughters of the ,marquis are ,lady ,helen or ,lady ,janet1 and they are addressed in this manner by their friends and equals4 ,formally1 an ,earl is addressed as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship4 ,the wife of an ,earl is formally addressed as is the ,marchioness4 ,but by her intimate friends and her social equals she is addressed as ,countess or ,lady ,hendrick4 ,the eldest son of an ,earl bears his father's second title4 ,there are no titles for the younger sons of an ,earl4 ,his daughters are addressed in the same manner as are the daughters of a ,marquis4 ,a ,viscount is addressed formally as ,my ,lord and his friends and equals address him familiarly as ,lord ,roberts4 ,in addressing the wife of a ,viscount1 one uses the same forms outlined for the wife of an ,earl4 ,the sons and daughters of a ,viscount1 when addressed or spoken about1 are referred to as ,mr4 or ,miss ,roberts1 but when formally introduced1 this form is used1 ,the ,honorable ,henry ,roberts4 ---- ,,and ,,still ,,other ,,titles ,the ,american traveler in ,england will certainly have a great many titles to remember1 especially if he expects to mingle to any extent with the royal society4 ,there are still others besides those outlined above4 ,the following are lesser titles1 but are used perhaps even more frequently than those given in the preceding paragraphs4 ,there are the ,baron and ,baroness1 for instance1 who are addressed respectively as ,my ,lord and ,your ,ladyship4 ,their children have the same titular rank and are addressed in the same manner4 ,the ,baronet is addressed formally and familiarly as ,sir ,thomas without the addition of his surname4 ,his title is really only an hereditary privilege4 ,but his wife enjoys the title of ,lady ,merick or ,lady ,carol1 instead of just ,lady ,sylvia4 ,the children of a ,baronet have no title4 ,a ,knight is addressed as ,lord ,henry or ,lord ,james1 both formally and familiarly4 ,his wife is addressed in the same form as that used for the wife of a ,baronet4 ,the children of a ,knight are called merely ,mr4 or ,miss4 ,,addressing ,,clergy ,,abroad ,another difficulty that often confronts the stranger in ,england1 is that of correctly addressing the clergy4 ,england is a land of titles1 and to be at ease one must know how to place each title properly and pay proper respect where it is due4 ,in ,england the ,archbishops of ,canterbury and ,york and all the bishops 7with the exception of two7 are called ,lords ,spiritual4 ,they enjoy the privilege of sitting in the ,house of ,lords4 ,thus1 when addressing them formally1 the form ,your ,grace should be used4 ,archbishop may be used only by those who are addressing that dignitary familiarly as a friend or an equal4 ,bishops should be formally addressed as ,your ,lordship or ,my ,lord1 but merely as ,bishop by their friends4 ,their wives1 and the wives of archbishops1 have no title1 nor do the children of either archbishop or bishop have any title other than ,mr4 or ,miss4 ,following the bishop in rank1 comes the ,dean1 addressed simply as ,dean ,harris4 ,his wife is known only as ,mrs4 ,harris4 ,the same forms apply to the ,archdeacon and his wife4 ,other clergymen--canons1 vicars1 rectors and curates--have no titles and are addressed simply as ,mr4 ,brown or ,mr4 ,smith as the case may be4 ,,lawyers1 ,,statesmen ,,and ,,officials--,,how ,,to ,,address ,,them ,while traveling about in merry ,england1 one may find it necessary to seek legal advice or the protection of a court4 ,the etiquette is slightly different from that observed in ,america4 ,the members of the judiciary1 for instance1 are not spoken of as ,judge ,brown and ,judge ,harris1 but as ,mr4 ,justice ,brown and ,mr4 ,justice ,harris4 ,while presiding in his court1 the member of the judiciary is addressed as ,my ,lord1 ,your honor1 ,your worship1 according to the position occupied4 ,in private life1 however1 he is plain ,mr4 ,smith4 ,whether addressed formally or familiarly1 the members of the ,cabinet1 and the prime minister are simply ,mr4 ,blank1 unless they have titles conferred upon them by the ,king or inherited4 ,in this case they use their titles constantly and are addressed accordingly4 ,the ,lord ,mayor of ,london is entitled to the honorary title of ,his ,lordship4 ,he may also be addressed as ,my ,lord ,mayor at social gatherings4 ,,at ,,the ,,court ,,of ,,england ,the social activities of the ,english ,court1 and the etiquette governing these activities1 should be known and thoroughly understood by every ,american who ever intends to visit that country4 ,the war interfered slightly with the functions of the court1 but with the return to normal these have been resumed with all their pre-war ceremony4 ,usually four ,courts are held every season1 two in the early part of spring1 and two at equal intervals later on4 ,this may be altered1 however1 to suit conditions2 as1 for instance1 in ,nineteen-,fourteen there were only three ,courts1 and in ,nineteen-,fifteen there were none at all4 ,american women who wish to be presented at ,court may either be presented by the wife of the ,american ,ambassador or by some ,english woman of title and position who has herself been received by the ,queen4 ,the ,american ,ambassador has the privilege of sending to the authorities in whose hands the matter rests1 the names of several ,american women suitable for presentation at ,court4 ,those who wish this privilege1 should register their names at the offices of the ,embassy in ,london1 sufficiently ahead of time for due consideration4 ,in addition to the registering of her name at the ,embassy1 the woman who wishes to be presented at ,court should bring to the ,ambassador a letter of recommendation from some member of the ,american government who is well known to the ,ambassador4 ,then1 if the application is accepted1 her name and credentials will be sent to ,buckingham ,palace1 from whence invitations will be issued if the ,ambassador's list is approved4 ,having gained the coveted invitation to appear at the ,court of ,her ,majesty1 the ,queen1 the ,american woman must be careful that she knows exactly what to wear4 ,,what ,,to ,,wear ,,to ,,court ,before attempting to appear at ,court1 the ,american woman should consult a reliable modiste4 ,she will be able to tell her exactly the correct thing to wear at her presentation4 ,court gowns invariably have trains1 and the head dress is always elaborate4 ,the dress itself must be fashioned according to the style of the moment1 and in this the woman must be guided by her dressmaker4 ,for a young1 unmarried woman a dress of thin1 light-colored material is suggested1 unadorned by jewels of any kind4 ,the matron may wear diamonds or pearls1 but must not attempt to emulate the gaudiness of a ,queen ,elizabeth4 ,the well-bred woman will not feel awkward in the vast room where all the great personages are assembled4 ,she will learn beforehand1 just how to enter the room1 how to kiss the ,queen's hand and how to conduct herself with poise and grace during the period of presentation4 ,,the ,,king',s ,,levees ,the ,american gentleman who wishes to be presented to ,his ,majesty1 may arrange through his ,ambassador to attend one of the levees which the ,king holds at ,st4 ,james' ,palace4 ,these levees are not quite as ceremonious as the ,courts which the ,queen holds1 but they require a certain definite etiquette which must not be overlooked4 ,for instance1 the ,american who is not in uniform1 must wear the correct dress prescribed for the occasion4 ,it is known as levee dress1 and a competent ,london tailor will be able to inform the ,american gentleman of just what it consists4 ,he must not attempt to appear at the levee in any other than these conventional clothes4 ,slight variations take place in these levee costumes1 from time to time1 and the ,american in ,england should make sure by consulting with a fashionable tailor4 ,it is wise also1 before attending a levee1 to have a little chat with a friend or acquaintance who has already attended one1 and learn from him the correct way to conduct oneself throughout the presentation4 ,,in ,,france ,france is a land of polished manners4 ,here one is either cultured or uncultured4 ,mistakes in etiquette1 divergence from the path of good form1 are not tolerated in good society4 ,the ,american in ,france must know exactly what is correct to do and say in that country1 if he wishes to enjoy his visit4 ,the brief expressions ,yes or ,no are never used in ,france when one wishes to be polite4 ,it must be followed by the correct title1 such as ,yes1 ,monsieur or ,no1 ,madame4 ,in the morning1 upon greeting an acquaintance1 no matter how slightly you know him1 it is correct to say1 ,bonjour1 ,monsieur4 ,when expressing thanks for a courtesy or for requested information1 one says1 ,merci1 ,madame4 ,and the customary farewell is ,au revoir1 ,mademoiselle4 ,politeness is universal in ,france4 ,one greets shop clerks as cordially as one greets one's best friend4 ,upon entering the ,french shop one should say ,bonjour1 ,monsieur to the floorwalker1 and ,bonjour1 ,madame to the saleslady4 ,in the restaurant it is proper to say ,merci1 ,monsieur1 to the head waiter who shows you to your place4 ,the waiters are addressed as garcon1 but the waitresses are called ,madame or ,mademoiselle4 ,if one happens to brush against someone accidentally1 or to get into someone's way1 it is very important that polite apologies be offered4 ,to hurry on without so much as saying1 ,pardon1 ,monsieur1 is extremely rude1 and ,frenchmen are quick to notice it4 ,they are very courteous and they expect visitors to be the same4 ,,addressing ,,titled ,,people ,,in ,,france ,monsieur le ,comte is the correct mode of address to employ towards a ,count in ,france4 ,a ,baron is addressed as ,monsieur le ,baron4 ,his wife1 however1 is called simply ,madame----4 ,officers in the ,army are addressed in the following manner3 ,mon ,capitaine1 ,mon ,general1 etc4 ,it is a decided breach of good conduct to address an officer in the ,french army as ,monsieur1 especially when he is in uniform4 ,when speaking about a certain officer1 one may say1 ,le ,general ,denbigh4 ,the concierge and his wife are known merely as ,monsieur and ,madame4 ,the parish priest1 however1 is spoken of and to as1 ,monsieur le cure4 ,a nun is addressed always as ,ma ,soeur4 ,be careful not to forget the correct forms of address in ,france1 for ,frenchmen are quick to take offense and much ill-will may unwittingly be incurred by the ,american man or woman who does not pay proper respect where it is due1 who does not use the correct titles at the correct time4 ,and the ,american traveler in ,france should remember that his manners and conduct in that country reflect not only upon his own manners and breeding1 but upon the manners and customs of the country he represents4 ,,certain ,,french ,,conventions ,in ,france the first recognition of acquaintanceship must come from the gentleman4 ,for instance1 if a young ,american man makes the acquaintance of a young ,french woman1 she will expect him to raise his hat when they meet again1 before she nods to him4 ,in ,america it is the reverse--the young lady has the privilege of acknowledging or ignoring an acquaintanceship4 ,not only must the hat be raised to women1 in ,france1 but to men also4 ,a young ,american and a young ,frenchman who are known to each other raise their hats simultaneously when they encounter each other on the street4 ,but when the ,frenchman is the elder of the two1 or the more distinguished1 the ,american is expected to wait until he makes the first motion of recognition4 ,the ,american who stops at a small hotel in ,france for a period of two days or more1 should feel it his duty to nod courteously to every woman guest of the hotel he chances to meet1 whether or not she is a total stranger4 ,this is considered a conventional courtesy which all well-bred people in ,france observe4 ,however1 it does not serve the purpose of an introduction1 and the ,american must not make the mistake of thinking that this privilege entitles him to address the women guests without the introduction of a mutual friend or acquaintance4 ,frenchmen always stand with heads uncovered when a funeral passes1 and women bow for a moment4 ,the well-bred ,american man and woman in ,france will also observe this custom4 ,nor will they neglect to remain standing while the ,marsellaise is being sung4 ,,dinner ,,etiquette ,an invitation to dine should be accepted or declined promptly when one is visiting in ,france4 ,and one may not decline unless one has a very good excuse1 such as having a previous engagement1 or being called away on the day set for the dinner4 ,it is considered polite to arrive twenty minutes or a half-hour before dinner is served4 ,if it is a formal and elaborate dinner1 evening dress should be worn2 but afternoon or semi-evening dress is appropriate for the informal dinner4 ,it is not at all incorrect1 if one is in doubt1 to ask the host or hostess whether one should wear full dress or not4 ,it is certainly wiser than to make oneself conspicuous by wearing different dress from all the other guests4 ,in ,france1 the order in which the guests proceed to dinner is as follows3 the host leads the way with the woman guest of honor1 or the most distinguished woman guest1 on his arm4 ,directly behind him follows the hostess on the arm of the masculine guest to be honored2 and they are followed by the other guests1 who proceed arm in arm4 ,according to the latest dinner etiquette in ,france1 coffee is served for both the men and women at the dinner table4 ,but when the dinner is very large and fashionable1 it is still customary for the women to retire to the drawing-room1 where the hostess presides over the coffee-urn4 ,when men and women leave the dining-room together1 they resume the same order as they observed when they entered it4 ,the ,american who is a guest at a formal dinner in ,france should pay a call upon the hostess within a week's time4 ,this call is known as the visite de digestion4 ,,french ,,wedding ,,etiquette ,weddings are occasions of solemn dignity in every country1 but in ,france they are perhaps more dignified than anywhere else4 ,here no rice and old shoes are cast after the bride and bridegroom--it would be considered a most shocking thing to do4 ,good wishes1 politely expressed1 are the only good-by offerings of friends and relatives4 ,there are usually two ceremonies to be celebrated at the ,french wedding--first the civil1 and later the religious1 marriage4 ,at the civil wedding1 which is held two or three days before the religious ceremony1 only a few intimate friends and relatives of the two families are present4 ,but the ceremony at church is a very important affair and all friends and acquaintances of both families are invited to attend4 ,those who cannot attend should send cards of regret to the bride's parents4 ,,balls ,very elaborate and gay indeed are the balls of ,france4 ,there is1 for instance1 the bals blancs1 at which all ladies are gowned in pure white and only maidens and bachelors are expected to be present4 ,men guests at the bal blanc wear the conventional evening dress4 ,at a ball in ,france1 a gentleman may request to dance with a lady without having first been introduced to her4 ,even a total stranger may approach a lady on the ballroom floor and ask for a dance4 ,but it is considered very bad form for a young man and woman to sit out a dance together or retire to the veranda or lawn4 ,,about ,,calls ,,and ,,cards ,if one expects to remain in ,france any length of time at all1 it is important that one know and understand the etiquette of calls and cards in that country4 ,calls are paid just as frequently in ,france as they are in ,america4 ,between two and six o'clock in the afternoon is the correct time for calling in the former country4 ,one observes very much the same conventions of calling that one does here in ,america1 except that the gentleman wears both his gloves when entering a drawing-room1 and that the hostess does not rise to welcome a masculine caller4 7,however1 the ,french hostess always does rise to greet an elderly gentleman1 a distinguished person1 or a member of the clergy47 ,french introductions are never haphazard1 never careless4 ,the hostess introduces freely all the guests that assemble in her home1 but she is not1 as the ,american hostess sometimes is1 careless and hurried4 ,in acknowledging an introduction1 a brief1 polite greeting should be expressed2 ,french people rarely shake hands4 ,the significance of the bent visiting card still remains in ,france1 though here in ,america it has been almost entirely eliminated4 ,when a hostess finds the card of a friend or acquaintance1 with one of its corners turned down1 she knows that that friend called for the purpose of a visit but found no one at home4 ,in fact1 that is almost the only time when cards are left in ,france--when the person called upon is not at home4 ,however1 a dinner call is often paid by the simple process of card-leaving4 ,,correspondence ,the ,french people are very particular in their correspondence4 ,certain set rules of salutation and closing are observed1 and the margins themselves have a particular significance4 ,for instance1 when writing a letter to a ,french person1 a wide margin should be left on the left side of the sheet2 and the greater the social prestige and distinction of the person addressed1 the wider this margin must be4 ,a man writing to another man who is an intimate friend begins his letter in this manner3 ,mon cher ,frederick1 or ,mon cher ami4 ,the closing to this letter would be1 ,bien a vous1 or ,bien cordialement a vous4 ,when the two men are not intimate friends1 a letter should begin1 ,cher ,monsieur1 or ,mon cher ,monsieur ,blank1 and should end with ,croyez a mes sentiments devoues4 ,strangers address each other merely as ,monsieur1 and close with ,recevez je vous prie l'assurance de ma consideration distinguee4 ,when writing to a woman friend1 a man begins his letter with ,chere ,madame et ami1 or ,chere ,mademoiselle4 ,but when he is a stranger or just a slight acquaintance1 he begins his letter with ,madame and concludes it with ,veuillez1 ,madame1 recevoir l'expression de tout mon respect4 ,the ,french have very pretty expressions of greeting and conclusion1 and they expect every well-bred person to use them4 ,a woman writing to a gentleman addresses him in the following manner1 if he is an intimate friend3 ,monsieur1 or ,cher ,monsieur ,brown1 and she closes the letter with the courtesy phrase1 ,agreez1 cher monsieur1 l'expression de mes sentiments d'amitie4 ,greetings and closings are more formal when the woman addresses a masculine stranger or slight acquaintance by letter4 ,she begins simply with ,monsieur1 and closes with1 ,veuillez1 monsieur1 recevoir l'expression de mes sentiments distingues4 ,special forms of address and conclusion are used when writing officers in the ,french army4 ,a general or commander are addressed in the following manner3 ,monsieur le general1 or ,monsieur le commandant4 ,the letter should be couched in terms of most exact respect4 ,tradespeople in ,france are addressed by letter in the following manner3 ,monsieur ,c41 or ,madame ,c41 and the conclusion should be1 ,agreez1 ,monsieur ,c41 mes civilites4 ,a servant should be addressed with ,je prie ,m4 ,smith 7or ,mad4 ,smith7 de vouloir bien4 ,in ,france abbreviations on the envelope are considered very bad form4 ,m4 may never be used for ,monsieur1 nor may ,mlle1 be used for ,mademoiselle4 ,the full title and name must appear on the envelope4 ,,the ,,american ,,in ,,germany ,the ,american who finds himself in ,germany for the first time is likely to be puzzled and embarrassed by the numerous different manners and customs in each little town and duchy4 ,what is correct in one place1 may be incorrect elsewhere4 ,thus it is impossible to give certain rules of etiquette to be followed by the ,american in the ,german ,empire4 ,he must be guided by good judgment and by the advice of his ,german friends4 ,however1 one may be certain of one thing--throughout the length and breadth of the ,german empire the greatest ceremony is observed in correspondence of all kinds4 ,as great courtesy and respect is paid the stranger as the friend4 ,when writing to a man or woman of social distinction1 this impressive inscription appears on the envelope and begins the letter3 ,to the high and well-born ,mrs4 ,robert ,smith4 ,it sounds1 perhaps1 a trifle crude in the ,english1 but in the native ,german it is a pretty and courteous phrase and a true expression of respect4 ,when writing to a person of lesser social importance1 as a business letter1 for instance1 one should begin with ,honored ,sir4 ,the expression1 ,lieber ,freund1 should be used only when writing informally to a dear friend4 ,in fact1 the same method of address as is used in writing ,english letters may be used when writing to friends and acquaintances in ,germany4 ,the hours for paying calls and leaving cards differ in the various localities4 ,ordinarily1 the correct time would be between half-past three and half-past four o'clock in the afternoon1 although in some localities calls are not considered correct before five o'clock4 ,in ,germany1 card-leaving should be followed in the same manner as card-leaving in the ,united ,states4 ,when meeting a feminine acquaintance in ,germany1 the ,american gentleman does not wait for recognition to come from her1 but immediately bows and raises his hat4 ,as in ,france1 he may request a lady to dance with him1 at a ball1 without having first requested an introduction4 ,and also1 as in ,france1 it is considered polite to bow and raise one's hat to the ladies who are at the same hotel1 although here again1 the privilege does not serve as an introduction4 ,at all times1 men and women in ,germany should be given full recognition of their titles and positions4 ,a ,german woman always enjoys the title bestowed upon her husband4 ,the wife of a general expects to be addressed as ,mrs4 ,general ,blank1 and the wife of a doctor should be called ,mrs4 ,doctor ,blank4 ,men of official or professional rank and titles are addressed as1 ,mr4 ,professor1 ,mr4 ,general1 ,mr4 ,doctor1 etc4 ,herr ,doktor ,smith is the correct ,german form--and to omit the ,herr is a breach of good conduct4 ,,the ,,perfect ,,american ,,tourist ,unfortunately1 there are some ,americans who go abroad each year merely because it is the fashion to do so1 and because they wish to impress their friends and acquaintances at home with their social distinction and importance4 ,these people are wont to let their money talk for them--instead of their manners4 ,but there are many things that wealth will not excuse2 and among them is lack of courtesy and breeding4 ,the ,american abroad1 whether he is traveling for pastime1 pleasure or business1 should remember primarily that he is a representative of the ,united ,states1 and that as such he owes his country the duty of making his manners a polished reflection of the manners of all ,americans4 ,he must be courteous1 polite1 kind1 gentlemanly4 ,he must conform with the customs of the country he chances to be in1 and he must avoid all suggestion of superiority on his part1 or disdain for the customs of the other country4 ,there is a certain fellow-feeling1 a certain sympathy and kindliness that can take the place of conventionalities when one is not sure of the customs of certain countries4 ,perhaps you do not know the ,french language1 and you wish to have a window raised while you are traveling on a ,french railroad4 ,is it forgivable to bend across a man or woman and raise the window without a word of excuse1 or a cordial smile of understanding8 ,and yet how often do we see this thing done6 ,many a seemingly well-bred man or woman will raise the window next to another man or woman without so much as asking permission to do so6 ,the proper thing to do when one does not know the language1 is to smile in a cordial manner to the person or persons in the vicinity of the window1 indicate that you would like to have it raised1 and wait until your request is understood and granted before you venture to raise it4 ,then a polite ,merci1 which means ,thank you1 and which everyone should know and remember1 should be given4 ,it is not always easy to do and say what is absolutely correct when one is in a strange country among people who speak a strange language4 ,but he who is kind and courteous at all times1 who has a ready smile and a polished manner1 will avoid much of the embarrassment that awaits the tourist who is indifferent and careless4 ,the proverb1 ,all doors open to courtesy1 is as true in ,france and ,england as it is in ,america4 ,,appendix ,,foreign ,,words ,,in ,,frequent ,,social ,,usage ,ad infinitum1 ,l41 to infinity4 ,a la carte1 ,fr41 according to the bill of fare at table4 ,a la mode1 ,fr41 according to the mode or fashion4 ,a la ,russe1 ,fr41 according to the ,russian fashion 7individual portions74 ,a propos1 ,l41 to the point4 ,au fait1 ,fr41 well-versed in social custom4 ,au revoir1 ,fr41 good-by till we meet again4 ,ben educato1 ,it41 well educated4 ,billet d'amour1 ,fr41 love letter4 ,blase1 ,fr41 world-weary4 ,bona fide1 ,l41 in good faith4 ,bonbonniere1 ,fr41 bonbon dish4 ,bon jour1 ,fr41 good morning2 good day4 ,bon ton1 ,fr41 fashionable society4 ,bon voyage1 ,fr41 good journey to you4 ,bouillion1 ,fr41 a clear broth4 ,boutonniere1 ,fr41 a flower for the buttonhole4 ,buffet1 ,fr41 a sideboard for china1 silver or glass4 ,carte blanche1 ,fr41 unconditional permission4 ,chancel1 ,l41 space in church reserved for the officiating clergy4 ,chere amie1 ,fr41 dear friend 7fem474 ,coiffure1 ,fr41 dressing of the hair4 ,collation1 ,fr41 a light repast4 ,compotiers1 ,fr41 dish for served stewed fruits or bonbons4 ,corsage bouquet1 ,fr41 flowers fastened on bodice4 ,cortege1 ,fr41 a formal procession4 ,coterie1 ,fr41 a social set2 a clique4 ,cotillon1 ,fr41 a dance for four couples4 ,coup d'etat1 ,fr41 a sudden decisive blow in politics4 ,debutante1 ,fr41 a young lady just introduced to society4 ,decollete1 ,fr41 fashionably low-cut for evening wear4 ,de luxe1 ,fr41 of luxury2 made with unusual elegance4 ,denouement1 ,fr41 the issue4 ,dramatis personae1 ,l41 characters in the play4 ,de trop1 ,fr41 too much1 too many4 ,demoiselle1 ,fr41 young lady4 ,eclat1 ,fr41 renown1 glory4 ,elite1 ,fr41 better society4 ,en buffet1 ,fr41 served from the buffet2 no tables4 ,en deshabille1 ,fr41 in undress2 negligee4 ,en masse1 ,fr41 in a mass4 ,en route1 ,fr41 on the way4 ,en suite1 ,fr41 in company4 ,en toilette1 ,fr41 in full dress4 ,entree1 ,fr41 a side-dish1 served as one course of a meal4 ,entre nous1 ,fr41 between ourselves4 ,ensemble1 ,fr41 all together4 ,e pluribus unum1 ,l41 one out of many4 ,et cetera1 ,l41 and everything of the sort4 ,et tu1 ,brute1 ,l41 and thou also1 ,brutus4 ,eureka1 ,gr41 ,i have found it4 ,fete1 ,fr41 a festive social occasion4 ,fete champetre1 ,fr41 an open-air festival or entertainment4 ,filets mignon1 ,fr41 small pieces of beef tenderloin1 served with sauce4 ,finesse1 ,fr41 social art in its highest conception4 ,fondant1 ,fr41 soft icing or glace4 ,finis1 ,fr41 the end4 ,garcon1 ,fr41 boy4 ,grace a ,dieu1 ,fr41 grace of ,god4 ,hors d'oeuvre1 ,fr41 out of course2 special course4 ,in memorium1 ,l41 to the memory of4 ,le beau monde1 ,fr41 the fashionable world4 ,lettre de cachet1 ,fr41 a sealed letter4 ,ma chere1 ,fr41 my dear 7fem474 ,mal de mer1 ,fr41 sea-sickness4 ,mardi gras1 ,fr41 ,shrove ,tuesday4 ,mayonnaise1 ,fr41 a salad sauce of egg1 oil1 vinegar and spices beaten together4 ,menu1 ,fr41 bill of table fare4 ,mon ami1 ,fr41 my friend 7mon amie1 fem474 ,musicale1 ,fr41 private concert4 ,negligee1 ,fr41 morning dress2 easy1 loose dress4 ,noblesse oblige1 ,fr41 rank imposes obligations2 much is expected from one in good position4 ,nom de plume1 ,fr41 an assumed name of a writer4 ,notre ,dame1 ,fr41 ,our ,lady4 ,o ,tempora6 ,o ,mores6 ,l41 ,oh the times6 ,oh the manners6 ,passe1 ,fr41 out of date4 ,penchant1 ,fr41 a strong or particular liking4 ,piece de resistance1 ,fr41 something substantial by way of entertainment2 most substantial course of a dinner2 literally1 a piece of resistance 7a main event or incident74 ,pour prendre conge1 ,fr41 to depart1 take leave4 7,p4p4c4 on calling cards meaning the departure of a caller for a long voyage1 hence a parting call47 ,prima donna1 ,ital41 the chief woman vocalist of a concert4 ,pro patria1 ,l41 for our country4 ,protegee1 ,fr41 under the protection of another4 ,rendezvous1 ,fr41 an appointed place for a meeting4 ,r4s4v4p41 ,fr41 7,repondez s'il vous plait71 please reply4 ,requiescat in pace1 ,l41 may he 7she7 rest in peace4 ,resume1 ,fr41 a summary or abstract4 ,salon1 ,fr41 a drawing-room2 the room where guests are received4 ,sang froid1 ,fr41 coolness1 indifference4 ,sans souci1 ,fr41 without care4 ,savoir faire1 ,fr41 knowledge of social customs2 tact4 ,table a manger1 ,fr41 dining-table4 ,table d'hote1 ,fr41 a public dinner at hotel or restaurant4 ,trousseau1 ,fr41 the bridal outfit4 ,tout de suite1 ,fr41 immediately4 ,tout ensemble1 ,fr41 all together4 ,veni1 ,vidi1 ,vici1 ,l41 ,i came1 ,i saw1 ,i conquered4 ,verbatim1 ,l41 word for word4 ,vis-a-vis1 ,fr41 face-to-face4 ,voila1 ,fr41 behold2 there you are6 99 99 99 99 99 ,the following changes have been made3 7note of etext transcriber7 because of someone's else magnificent partiesbecause of someone else's magnificent parties avalanceavalanche ones own senseone's own sense ,many gentlemen1 while speaking to ladies in the street1 stand with their uncovered,many gentlemen1 while speaking to ladies in the street1 stand with their heads uncovered adddressedaddressed ,repondez s'il vous plait,repondez s'il vous plait the the elderly womanthe elderly woman be be paid the taxi-driverbe paid the taxi-driver be ill at eastbe ill at ease