,,table ,,traits1 ,,with ,,something ,,on ,,them4 ,,by ,,dr4 ,,doran4 8,je suis aujourd'hui en train de conter2 plaise ,dieu que cela ne soit pas une calamit publique40--,,brillat ,,savarin4 ,,london3 ,,richard ,,bentley1 ,,new ,,burlington ,,street2 ,,oliver ,,boyd1 ,,edinburgh2 ,,hodges ,,smith1 ,,dublin2 ,,and ,,to ,,be ,,had ,,of ,,all ,,booksellers1 ,,and ,,at ,,the ,,railway ,,stations4 #ahed4 ,,london3 ,r4 ,,clay1 ,,printer1 ,,bread ,,street ,,hill4 ,,to ,,the ,,right ,,honourable ,,henry1 ,,earl ,,of ,,harewood1 ,,in ,,grateful ,,memory ,,of ,,by-,,gone ,,happy ,,years1 ,,this ,,volume ,,is ,,inscribed ,,by ,,the ,,author4 ,,bill ,,of ,,fare4 ,,page ,the ,legend of ,amphitryon--a ,prologue #a ,diet and ,digestion #i ,water #ad ,breakfast #bf ,materials for ,breakfast #ca ,corn1 ,bread1 c4 #cf ,tea #dh ,coffee #eg ,chocolate #fd ,the ,old ,coffee ,houses #fg ,the ,french ,cafs #hj ,the ,ancient ,cook and his ,art #hf ,the ,modern ,cook and his ,science #ii ,pen and ,ink ,sketch of ,carme #aad ,dinner ,traits #abc ,the ,materials for ,dining #acf ,a ,light ,dinner for two #afi ,sauces #aij ,the ,parasite #bai ,table ,traits of ,utopia and the ,golden ,age #bcj ,table ,traits of ,england in the ,early ,times #bdd ,table ,traits of the ,last ,century #bfj ,wine and ,water #bhb ,the ,birth of the ,vine1 and what has come of it #bhg ,the ,making and ,marring of ,wine #cjc ,imperial ,drinkers and ,incidents in ,germany #cab ,an ,incident of ,travel #cac ,a few odd ,glasses of ,wine #cbd ,the ,tables of the ,ancient and ,modern ,egyptians #cda ,the ,diet of ,saints of ,old #cec ,the ,bridal and ,banquet of ,ferques #cgb ,the ,support of ,modern ,saints #cgg ,the ,csars at ,table #cid ,their ,majesties at ,meat #dab ,english ,kings at their ,tables #ddb ,strange ,banquets #dfg ,the ,castellan ,von ,coucy #dgc ,authors and their ,dietetics #dhg ,the ,liquor-loving ,laureates #ejh ,supper #eac ,,table ,,traits1 ,,with ,,something ,,on ,,them4 ,,the ,,legend ,,of ,,amphitryon4 ,a ,,prologue4 8,le vritable ,amphitryon est l',amphitryon o l'on dne40--,,moli,,re4 ,among well-worn illustrations and similes1 there are few that have been more hardly worked than the above line of ,poquelin-,molire4 ,it is a line which tells us pleasantly enough1 that he who sits at the head of a table is among those 8respectable0 powers who find an alacrity of worship at the hands of man4 ,i say1 8at the hands20 for what is 8adoration0 but the act of putting the hand to the mouth 7as expressed by its components ad and os1 oris78 and what worship is so common as that which takes this form1 especially when the ,amphitryon is amiable1 and his altar well supplied8 ,but such a solution of the question affords us1 after all1 no enlightenment as to the mystery of the reality of ,amphitryon himself1 whose name is now worn1 and sometimes usurped1 by those who preside at modern banquets4 ,was he real8 is he a myth8 was he ever in the body8 or is his name that of a shadow only1 employed for purposes of significance8 ,if real1 whence came he8 ,what does classic story say of the abused husband of ,alcmena8 ,amphitryon was a ,theban gentleman1 who had two nephews1 fast young men1 who were slain by the ,teleboans4 ,this is a myth4 ,they were extravagant individuals1 of the class of those who count the chimes at midnight4 ,their father could not help them2 and so the uncle1 a bachelor1 was expected to do his avuncular office1 spend his substance for the benefit of his brother's children1 and get small thanks for his trouble4 ,his brother1 however1 had an article of small value1--a daughter1 named ,alcmena2 and this lady was given in marriage to her uncle1 without any scruple about the laws of affinity4 ,as soon as the ceremony of the betrothal was over1 ,amphitryon departed to punish the ,teleboans2 and he had not been long absent1 when ,jupiter presented himself in the likeness of the absent husband1 set up a household with the readily-convinced ,alcmena1 and became the father of ,hercules4 ,when ,amphitryon returned1 his surprise was natural1 and his ill-temper not to be wondered at4 ,but ,jupiter explained the imbroglio in a very cavalier way1 as was his custom1 and which they who are curious may see in the liveliest of the lively comedies of the miller's man1 ,plautus4 ,an incident connected with the story shows us that ,amphitryon1 fond of good living generally1 and of beef in particular1 made a razzia among the ,teleboan herds1 and brought back all the cows and oxen he found amongst them4 ,he was exhibiting the cattle to his brother ,electryon1 when one of the animals strayed from the herd2 and ,amphitryon1 in order to bring it back1 flung a stick at it1 but with such violence1 that the weapon1 falling on the horns1 rebounded as violently upon ,electryon1 who died upon the spot4 ,but this1 too1 is a myth2 and ,i have no doubt but that ,electryon died of indigestion2 for the ,teleboan beef was famous for its toughness4 ,indeed1 many of the ,telebos themselves were so disgusted with it1 that they abandoned their tolian homes1 and settled in the island of ,capre4 ,the ,egyptians claim ,amphitryon for their own4 ,they boast that his dinners at ,memphis were divine1 and that ,hercules1 his son1 was among the last-born of the gods2 for ,hercules was more than a hero among the leek-worshippers of ,egypt4 ,but the truth is1 that the story of ,amphitryon1 his strength1 his good fare1 and his hard fate1 belongs to a more distant period and land4 ,it is a ,hindoo story1 the actors are children of the sun1 and ,voltaire declares that the tale is to be found in ,dow's 8,hindostan20 but that is as much of a fable as the legend itself of ,amphitryon1 whose name1 by the way1 may be as easily 8,indicized0 as that of ,pythagoras4 ,in ,scotland1 the crime of child-stealing is distinguished by the title of 8plagiary20 and an instance of the latter is here before us4 ,when ,plautus sat in his master's mill1 and thought over the subject of his lively comedy1 founded on the story of ,amphitryon1 he took for granted all that he had been told of his hero's birth and parentage4 ,but the classical ,amphitryon is1 as ,i have said1 but a stolen child4 ,his home is in the far ,east2 and his history was calling up smiles upon the faces of listeners by the ,indus long before the twin founders of ,rome had been intrusted1 by their nurse ,lupa1 to walk alone4 ,the ,hindoo ,amphitryon was a fellow of some renown1 and here is his story4 ,a ,hindoo1 whose name1 indeed1 has not descended to us1--but he was the individual whom the ,greeks stole1 and called ,amphitryon1--lived many years ago4 ,he was remarkable for his gigantic strength and stature2 and he not only found the former a good thing to possess1 but he used it like a giant4 ,he had for the wife of his bosom a fair1 but fragile1 girl1 who lay in his embrace1 as she sang to him at sunset1 8like ,hebe in ,hercules' arms40 ,it was not often1 however1 that such passages of peace embellished the course of their daily life4 ,the ,hindoo was jealous1 and his little wife was coquettish4 ,the lady had smiles for flatterers2 and her monster of a husband had a stick1 which showered blows upon her when he detected her neglecting her household work4 ,cudgelling took its turn with caressing1 as it did in the more modern1 and consequently more vulgar1 case of ,captain ,wattle and ,miss ,roe2 and finally there was much more of the first than there was of the last4 ,one summer eve1 the husband1 in a fit of frantic jealousy1 assaulted his wife so ferociously1 that he left her insensible on the threshold of their house1 and threatened never again to keep up a mnage with so incorrigible a partner4 ,a ,hindoo deity1 of an inferior order1--not the ,king of gods and men1 as in the ,grecian legend1--had witnessed the whole proceeding from his abiding place in a neighbouring cloud4 ,he smiled as the husband disappeared2 and1 gradually descending in his little palace to the ground1 he lightly leaped on to the firm set earth1 gave a hurried glance at the unconscious and thickly-bruised beauty1 and then1 in testimony of his ecstatic delight1 he clapped his hands1 and commenced revolving on one leg1 as ,d',egville used to do1 when ,venua's violin led the orchestra1 and gave him strength4 ,the spirit1 having subsided into repose1 thought for a while1 and speedily arrived at a resolution4 ,it infused itself into a human body1 which was found without difficulty1 and it clothed the whole under the counterfeit presentment of the errant husband4 ,these feats of transmutation were common among the eastern deities2 and ,i take for granted that my readers are aware that ,pythagoras himself--who is connected with ,table ,traits1 on the subject of beans--was no other than ,buddha ,goroos1 who slipped into a vacant body1 and taught the metempsychosis to wondering ,europe4 ,the wife of the ,hindoo giant was something astonished1 on recovering herself1 to find that she was seated1 without any sense of pain1 on a bench in the little garden1 with her apparent husband at her feet1 pouring out protestations of love and assurances of fidelity4 ,she accepted all1 without questioning2 for it was all too pleasant to be refused4 ,a new life commenced4 ,the married pair became the admiring theme of the village2 and when a son was born to them1 there ensued such showers of felicitations and flowers as had never fallen upon married lovers since the ,hindoo world first started on its career1 on the back of the self-supporting elephant4 ,their moon never ceased to shed honey2 and this was flowing1 sweetly and copiously as ever1 when1 one sultry noon1 the vagrant husband returned home1 and1 confronting the counterfeit at an inner door1 bitterly satirized the vanity of women who indulged in capricious tempers and ,psyche glasses4 ,in an instant1 however1 he was conscious that his other self was not a reflection1 but only the cause of many that began crowding into the brain of the true man4 ,the cool complacency of the counterfeit irritated the bewildered and legitimate husband1 and an affray ensued1 in which the mortal got all the blows1 and his rival all the advantage4 ,the wife was herself perplexed1 but manifested a leaning towards the irresistible divinity4 ,in vain did the gigantic original roar forth the tale of his wrongs1 and claim his undoubted rights2 and it was only during a lull in the storm that he heeded a suggestion made1 to the effect1 that all the parties should submit their case to the judgment of an inspired ,brahmin4 ,this eminent individual speedily perceived that1 of the double-man that stood before him1 one was a dupe1 and the other a deity1--something1 at all events1 above humanity4 ,the question was1 how to discover the divinity4 ,after much cogitation1 this was the judgment pronounced by the dusky ,solomon3 8,madam10 said he to the perplexed lady1 8your husband was known as being the most robust man ever made out of the red earth1 of which was composed the father of us all4 ,now1 let these two litigants salute you on the lips2 and we pronounce him to be the true man who comes off with the loudest report40 ,the trial took place forthwith in presence of the assembled multitude4 ,the ,indian mortal first approached the up-raised lips of his wife2 and he performed the required feat with an echo that was as half a hundred culverins to the 8pistol-shot0 kiss recorded of ,petruchio4 ,the ,judge and the people looked curiously to the defendant1 as wondering how1 on the pretty instrument before him1 he could strike a note higher than his rival4 ,the ,indian god addressed him to what seemed a rose-bud wet with dew2 and therewith ensued a sound as though all the artillery of the skies were saluting1 too1 in honour of the achievement4 ,the multitude and the ,brahmin looked1 for all the world1 as if they had lost their hearing2 and it was calculated that the astounding din might have been heard by the slumbering tortoise below the antipodes4 ,at length1 the assembly hailed the deity as the undoubted ,simon ,pure1 and looked towards the ,brahmin for confirmation of their award2 but the ,brahmin merely remarked to them1 with urbanity1 that they were the sons and fathers of asses1 and were unable to distinguish between the almost invisible seed which diets the bird of ,paradise1 and the gigantic palm of the garden of the gods1 each leaf of which is of such extent that an earthly courser1 at his utmost speed1 could not traverse it in fifty millions of mortal-measured years4 8,here is the true husband10 added the ,judge1 putting his hand upon the shoulder of the ,indian1 8who has done all that human being1 in the particular vocation required1 could do2 and here10 added he1 turning reverentially to the other1 8is some supreme being1 who has been pleased to amuse himself at the expense of his servants40 ,the god smiled1 and confessed to the excellence of the ,judge's perspicuity by revealing himself in his true1 and somewhat operatic1 form4 ,he ascended the cloud1 which appeared in waiting for him like an arial cab1 and1 looking from over its side1 laughingly bade the edified multitude farewell1 adding1 that he was the deity appointed to preside at tables that were not ungraced by the fair2--and1 8if these have a cause for complaint1 it is my privilege to avenge them according to my good pleasure40 ,the ladies thereupon flung flowers to him as he rose1 and the husbands saluted his departure with rather faint cheers2 but throughout ,india1 while orthodoxy lasted1 there never was a table spread1 but the master thereat1 prince or peasant1 invoked the ,hindoo deity to cast the beams of the sun of his gaiety upon the board4 ,heresy1 however1 in this matter1 has crept in2 and1 if ,hindoo feasts lack real brilliancy1 it is because the sunlight of the god no longer beams from the eyes of the fair1 who are no longer present sharers in the banquet4 ,it is otherwise in ,europe1 whither1 perhaps1 the god came1 and aped ,jupiter1 as well as ,amphitryon1 when he perplexed the household of ,alcmena4 ,he sits presiding at our feast1 ensconced within a rose2 from thence his smiles urge to enjoyment1 and the finger on his lip to discretion2 and every docile guest whispers sub ros1 and acknowledges the present god4 ,it is said1 in ,india1 that this divinity was the one who gave men diet1 but forgot digestion4 ,it was like giving them philosophical lectures1 without power to understand them2 and the case is still common enough upon earth4 ,these subjects demand brief notice1 were it only by way of appendix to this prolegomenical chapter4 ,,diet ,,and ,,digestion4 8,no digest of law's like the law of digestion40--,,moore4 ,our good neighbours the ,french1 or rather1 the philosophers among them1 have asserted that the perfecting of man and his species depends upon attention to diet and digestion2 and1 in a material point of view1 they are not far wrong2 and1 indeed1 in a non-material point of view1 it may be said that the spirit1 without judgment1 is very likely to be exposed to indigestion2 and perhaps ignorance complete is to be preferred to an ill-digested erudition4 ,with diet and patience1 ,walpole thought all the diseases of man might be easily cured4 ,montesquieu1 on the other hand1 held that health purchased by rigorously watching over diet1 was but a tedious disease4 ,but ,walpole was nearly correct1 while ,montesquieu was not very distant from the truth4 ,dieting1 like other things1 must be undertaken on common-sense principles2 for1 though there be multitudes of mad people in the world1 society generally is not to be put upon the rgime of 8,bedlam40 ,we live1 not by what we eat1 but by what we digest2 and what one man may digest1 another would die of attempting4 ,rules on this subject are almost useless4 ,each man may soon learn the powers of his stomach1 in health or disease1 in this respect2 and this ascertained1 he has no more business to bring on indigestion than he has to get intoxicated or fall into debt4 ,he who offends on these three points1 deserves to forfeit stomach1 head1 and his electoral franchise6 ,generally speaking1 fat and spices resist the digestive power2 and too much nutritious food is the next evil to too little4 ,good cookery1 by developing flavour1 increases the nutritiousness of food1 which bad cookery would perhaps render indigestible4 ,hence a good cook rises to the dignity of 8artist40 ,he may rank with the chemists1 if not with the physicians4 ,animal food1 of mild quality1 is more digestible than vegetable1 and fresh meats are preferable to salted4 ,in the latter the salt is a different composition from that which is taken at meals1 and which is indispensable to health4 ,fish fills rather than feeds2 but there are exceptions to this4 ,vegetables are accounted as doing little to maintain stamina2 but there have been races and classes of men who have been heroes upon bread1 fruit1 and vegetables4 ,the poor cannot live upon 8curry10 it is true2 but in ,england1 with less drink and more vegetable food1 they would be an improved race4 ,not that they could live like a ,lazzaroni on maccaroni and the open air4 ,layard says the ,bedouin owes his health and strength to his spare diet4 ,but even a ,bedouin swallows lumps of butter till he becomes bilious2 and were he to live in ,england instead of the desert1 he would not keep up his strength by living on the dishes which support him in ,arabia ,felix4 ,the golden rule is 8moderation and regularity40 ,he who transgresses the rule1 will pay for it by present suffering and a 8check0 after ,christmas4 ,a false hunger ought not to be soothed1 nor a false thirst to be satisfied2 for satisfaction here is only adding fuel to a fire that would otherwise go out4 ,on the other hand1 the bilious and sedentary man need not be afraid of beer2 it is a better stomachic than wine4 ,for him1 and for all lords of that heritage of woe1 a weak stomach1 the common-sense system of cookery1 as it is called1 is most required4 ,it is something between the hard crude system of the ,english1 and the juice-extracting method of the ,french2 with a leaning1 however1 towards the latter1 7with whom it is common to reduce food to a condition of pulp17 but uniting with it so much of the ,english custom as allows the gelatinous matter to be retained1 especially in the meats4 8,festina lente10 is 8,latin de cuisine10 for 8,eat slowly10 and it is of first-rate value4 ,he who does so1 gives best chance for healthy chyle2 and that wanting1 ,i should like to know where the post-prandial enjoyment would be4 ,without it1 digestion is not2 and when digestion is away1 ,death is always peering about to profit by his absence4 8,see to it60 as the ,chinese 8chop0 says4 ,there are upwards of seventeen hundred works extant on the subject of diet and digestion4 ,sufferers may study the question till they are driven mad by doubt and dyspepsia1 and difference of opinions among the doctors4 ,fordyce saw no use in the saliva1 and ,paris maintains that without it digestion is not4 8,quot homines1 tot sententi10 is as applicable here as in every other vexed question4 ,but ,paris's book on ,diet is the safest guide ,i know for a man who1 being dyspeptic1 wants to cure himself1 or simply to discover the definement of his degree of suffering4 ,on the other hand1 every man may find comfort in the reflection1 that with early hours1 abundant exercise1 generous diet1 but not too much of it1 and occupation1--without which a worse devil than the former enters on possession of the victim1--dyspepsia cannot assume a chronic form4 ,it may be a casual visitor1 but it will be the easiest thing possible to get rid of him4 ,but philosophy has said as much from the beginning1 and yet dyspepsia prevails and physicians ride in carriages4 ,exactly6 and why8 ,because philosophers themselves1 like the ,stoic gentleman in ,marmontel1 after praising simplicity of living1 sink to sleep1 on heavy suppers and beds of down1 with the suicidal remark1 that 8,le ,luxe est une jolie chose40 ,we must neither act unreservedly on the dictum of books1 nor copy slavishly the examples of others1 if we would have the digestion in a healthy condition4 ,there is a self-monitor that may safely be consulted4 ,of his existence there can be no doubt2 for every man who wakes with a headache most ungratefully blames that same monitory 8self40 ,if any class may fairly complain of others in this respect1 rather than of themselves1 it is the 8babies40 ,the ,rajpoots do not slay half so many of their infants out of pride1 as we do by indiscreet dieting2 or1 to speak plainly1 over-feeding4 ,the ,new ,zealand mother is not more foolish1 who thrusts stones down the throat of her babe1 in order to make him a stern and fearless warrior1 and only mars him for a healthy man4 ,and ,christian matrons have been quite as savage without intending it4 ,brantome's uncle1 ,chastargnerage1 was no sooner weaned than1 by the advice of a ,neapolitan physician1 he took gold1 steel1 and iron1 7in powders17 mixed up with all he ate and drank4 ,this regimen he followed until he was twelve years old1 by which time 7we are asked to believe7 it had so strengthened him that he could stop a wild bull in full course4 ,this diet1 however1 seems little likely to have produced such an effect4 ,as soon might one expect that the ,bolton ass1 which chewed tobacco and took snuff1 was made swift as a race-horse by so doing4 ,i think that it is of ,dean ,nowell it is said1 that he grew strong by drinking ale4 ,he was the accidental inventor of bottled ale4 ,he was out fishing with a bottle of the freshly-drawn beverage at his side1 when intelligence reached him touching the peril his life was in1 under ,mary1 which made him fly1 after flinging away his rod1 and thrusting his bottle of ale under the grass4 ,when he could again safely resort to the same spot1 he looked for his bottle1 which1 on being disturbed1 drove out the cork like a pellet from a gun1 and contained so creamy a fluid1 that the ,dean1 noting the fact1 and rejoicing therein1 took care to be well provided with the same thenceforward4 ,as ,henry ,,ii4 was the first ,king who acted as sewer1 and placed the boar's head on the table of his young son1 just crowned1 so ,dean ,nowell was the first church dignitary who laid the foundation of red noses1 by bringing bottled ale to the notice of the clergy4 ,there is an old tradition1 that what this ale used to do for churchmen1 cider used to effect for ,africans4 ,as we have said1 8moderation0 is the first principle of digestion2 and as1 according to the ,latin proverb1 8water gives moderation10 it behoves us to look for a few minutes into the much praised1 and little appreciated1 aqua pura4 ,,water4 ,a ,kentucky man1 who was lately at one of the great tables in an hotel in the ,states1 where the bill of fare was in ,french1 after sorely puzzling himself with descriptions which he could not comprehend1 8cotelettes la ,maintenon0 and 8ufs la braise20 exclaimed1 8,i shall go back to first principles3 give me some roast beef60 ,so1 after speaking of the birth of him1 whose putative father has lent a name to liberal hosts1 let us also fall back upon first principles1 and contemplate the uses of water4 ,there is nothing in nature more useful2 but1 commonly speaking1 you can neither buy any thing with it1 nor get any article for it in exchange4 ,adam ,smith strikingly compares with it the uselessness and the value of a diamond3 the latter has scarcely any value in use1 but much that is valuable may be had in exchange for it4 ,in the desert a cup full of water is worth one full of diamonds2 that is1 in certain emergencies4 ,the diamond and the water illustrate the difference between value in use and value in exchange4 ,if water be not1 according to ,pindar and the legend over the ,bath ,pump-,room1 the best of things1 few things would attain to excellence without it4 ,greek philosophy was not wrong which made it the principle of life1 and the popular belief scarcely erred in seeing in every stream1 spring1 and fountain a resident deity4 ,water was so reverenced by certain ancient nations1 that they would never desecrate it by purifying themselves therewith6 ,the ancient ,persians and ,cappadocians exemplified their devotion by personal dirtiness4 ,in presence of the visible power of the stream1 altars were raised1 and adoration paid to the god whose existence was evidenced by such power4 ,the ,egyptians gave their divine river more than prayers1 because their dependence on it was more absolute than that of other nations on their respective streams4 ,the ,nile1 swelling beneficently1 bestowed food1 health1 and therewith content on the ,egyptians2 and they1 in return1 flung gratefully into the stream corn1 sugar1 and fruit4 ,when human sacrifices were made to rivers1 it was probably because the river was recognised as giving life1 and was worthy of being paid in kind4 ,we may smile superciliously at this old reverence for the 8liquid good10 but there was connected therewith much that we might profitably condescend to copy4 ,greece had her officers appointed to keep her streams pure4 ,had those officials exposed the people to drink such indescribable matter as we draw from the ,thames1 they would have been thrown into it by popular indignation4 ,in ,rome1 ,ancus ,martius was long remembered1 not for his victories1 but for his care to supply the city with salubrious and sufficient water2 and if people generally cursed ,nero for his crimes1 they acknowledged that he had at least not damaged the public aqueducts2 and that in his reign ice-houses were first built1 the contents of which enabled thousands to quaff the cool beverage which is so commendably spoken of by ,aristotle4 ,the fountains were the ornaments of the public places1 as the crystal ampulla1 with its slender neck and its globular body1 was of the sideboards of private houses in ,rome4 ,the common people drank to excess1 both of hot water and cold3 the former they drank in large measures2--this was in winter1 and in taverns where they fed largely upon pork1 and drank the water as a stimulant6 ,the ,emperor ,claudius looked upon this regimen as an immoral indulgence1 and he closed the taverns where proprietors injured the public stomach by such a diet4 ,some ,romans were so particular as to boil the water they intended to drink1 in vessels at their own table4 ,they were like the epicures who never intrust the boiling of an egg to their own cooks4 ,we may notice that ,augustus employed it lavishly1 both as a bather and drinker4 ,the 8faculty0 were unanimous in recommending a similar use of it1 and some of these gentlemen made considerable fortunes by the various methods of applying it4 ,for instance1 patients resorting to ,charmis1 to take cold baths in winter under his direction1 were required to pay him a consulting fee of #hjj6 ,he was the first 8water-cure0 ,doctor that ever practised1 and he realized a fortune such as his successors may aim at in vain4 ,horace ,walpole1 forgetting what he had once before said1 namely1 that diet and patience formed the universal panacea1 declared that his 8great nostrum was the use of cold water1 inwardly and outwardly1 on all occasions1 and that with disregard of precaution against catching cold4 ,i have often10 he continues1 8had the gout in my face and eyes1 and instantly dip my head in a pail of cold water1 which always cures it1 and does not send it any where else40 ,and again1 alluding to another use of water1 he says sneeringly1 8,whether ,christianity will be laid aside ,i cannot say4 ,as nothing of the spirit is left1 the forms1 ,i think1 signify very little4 ,surely1 it is not an age of morality and principle2 does it import whether profligacy is baptized or not80 ,with regard to the sanitary application of water1 as noticed by ,walpole1 there can be no doubt but that diet and digestion proceed the more perfectly1 as the ablution of the body is general and daily1 and made with cold water4 ,but discretion must be used2 for there are conditions of the body which cannot endure cold bathing without palpitation of the heart following4 ,in such case1 tepid water should be used for a time1 when the palpitations will soon cease1 unless the heart be organically affected4 ,the same writer's remarks on the ,christian uses of water1 remind me of what is said of some such uses in ,weever's 8,funeral ,monuments40 ,he cites the inscriptions that used to be placed over the holy water in ancient churches4 ,some deposed that the sprinkling of it drove away devils3-- 8,hujus aqu tactus depellit dmonis actus40 ,others promised a blessing1 as1 for example3-- 8,asperget vos ,deus cum omnibus sanctis suis ad vitam ternam40 ,another implied1 that six benefits arose from its use2 namely1-- ----8,sex operantur aqu benedict3 ,cor mundat1 accidiam 787 fugat1 venalia tollit1 ,auget opem2 removetque hostem1 phantasmata pellit40 ,homer1 too1 it will be recollected1 speaks of the sound of water inspiring consolatory thoughts1 in the passage where he describes one 8suffering cruel wounds from a diseased heart1 but he found a remedy2 for1 sitting down beneath a lofty rock1 looking down upon the sea1 he began to sing40 ,the dormitories of many of the old convents were adorned with inscriptions recommendatory of personal cleanliness2 but the inmates generally were more content with the theory than the practice3 they were1 in some degree1 like the man at ,bishop-,middleham1 who died with the reputation of a water-drinker1 but who really killed himself by secret drunkenness4 ,he praised water in public1 but drank brandy in private1 though it was not till after death that his delinquency was discovered4 ,the use of water against the spells of witchcraft lingered longer in ,scotland than elsewhere4 ,the ,strathdown ,highlander even now1 it is said1 is not ashamed to drink 8the water of the dead and living ford10 on ,new ,year's ,day1 as a charm to secure him from sorcery until the ensuing ,new ,year4 ,st4 ,bernard1 the ,abbot1 made application of water for another purpose4 ,butler says of him1 that he once happened to fix his eyes on the face of a woman2 but immediately reflecting that this was a temptation1 he ran to a pond1 and leaped up to the neck into the water1 which was then as cold as ice1 to punish himself1 and to vanquish the enemy6 ,there is a second incident connected with water1 that will bear to be told as an illustration1 at least1 of old times4 ,when ,patricius was ,bishop of ,prusa1 the ,proconsul ,julius resorted thither to the famous baths1 and was restored to such vigorous health thereby1 that he not only made sacrifice of thanksgiving to ,esculapius and ,health1 but required the ,bishop to follow his example4 ,the ,prelate declined1 and the ,proconsul ordered him to be thrown into a caldron of boiling water1 by which he was no more affected than if he had been enjoying a bath of tepid rose-water4 ,whereupon he was taken out and beheaded4 ,the power that kept the water cool did not interfere to blunt the axe4 ,we have seen the reverence paid by certain 8ancients of old0 to the supposed divinities whose crystal thrones were veiled beneath the waves4 ,men under a better dispensation have shown1 perhaps1 a worse superstition4 ,bede makes mention of a ,monk who thought he would purify his sin-stained spirit by actual ablution4 ,he had1 the church-historian tells us1 a solitary place of residence assigned him in the monastery1 adjacent to a river3 into the latter he was accustomed to plunge1 by way of penance to his body4 ,he went manfully to the bottom1 and his mouth was no sooner again in upper air1 than it was opened to give utterance to lusty prayer and praise4 ,he would sometimes thus stand for hours1 up to the neck1 and uttering his orisons aloud4 ,he was in full dress when this penance was performed1 and1 on coming from the stream1 he let his wet1 and sometimes frozen1 garments dry upon his person4 ,a ,friar1 once seeing him break the ice1 in order that he might make his penitential plunge1 expressed shiveringly his wonder at the feat3 8,it must be so very cold10 said the ,friar4 8,i have seen greater cold10 was the sole remark of the devotional diver4 8,such austerity ,i never beheld10 exclaimed another spectator4 8,i have beheld far greater10 replied the ,monk4 8,and thus10 adds the historian1 as simply as any of them1 8thus he forwarded the salvation of many by his words and example40 ,connected with a pious man of our own time1 ,i may mention an incident touching water1 which is rather remarkable3--the person to whom ,i allude is ,bishop ,gobat1 of ,jerusalem4 ,he states1 in his last ,annual ,letter1 that he is building a school which will cost him about #fjj3 the school is not yet finished2 but the water used for mixing the mortar has already cost the enormous sum of #fj4 ,it is1 in fact1 a luxury which must be paid for4 ,where it is so dear1 it were well if the people never were thirsty2 and there were such people of old4 ,the late ,vice-,chancellor of ,england1 ,sir ,lancelot ,shadwell1 was as indefatigable a bather as the ,monk noticed by ,bede4 ,every morning throughout the year1 during his residence at ,barnes ,elms1 he might be seen wrestling joyously with the ,thames4 ,it is said that1 on one occasion1 a party1 in urgent need of an injunction1 after looking for the ,judge in a hundred places where he was not to be found1 at length took boat1 and encountered him as he was swimming in the river4 ,there he is said to have heard the case1 listening to the details as the astonished applicants made them1 and now and then performing a frolicsome 8summersault10 when they paused for want of breath4 ,the injunction was granted1 it is said2 after which the applicants left the ,judge to continue his favourite aquatic sport by himself4 ,if the late amiable and able ,vice-,chancellor was a water-lawyer1 so was the late ,archdeacon ,singleton a water-divine4 ,when tutor to the young ,lords ,percy1 he1 and the eldest of the sons of the then ,duke of ,northumberland1--,hugh1 ,earl ,percy1--were expert swimmers1 and often1 by their achievements1 excited the admiration of less daring venturers4 ,the ,archdeacon was accustomed to float away for miles from ,sion1 depending upon the tide to float him back again4 ,at first1 many a boatman looked inquiringly at the motionless body carrying on with the stream2 but1 when he was better known1 his appearance thus excited no more surprise than if he had been in an outrigger1 calmly taking a pull before the hour of dinner4 ,with respect to water-drinkers1 they seem to have abounded among the good old ,heathens1 of whom so many stories are told that we are not called upon to believe4 ,aristotle1 who1 like ,dr4 ,macnish1 wrote an 8,anatomy of ,drunkenness10 7 ,m17 states therein1 that he knew1 or had heard1 of many people who never experienced what it was to be thirsty4 ,archonides1 of ,argos1 is cited by him as a man who could eat salt beef for a week without caring to drink1 therewith or thereafter4 ,mago1 the ,carthaginian1 is famous for having twice crossed the ,desert without having once tasted water1 or any other beverage4 ,the ,iberians1 wealthy and showy people as they were1 were water-drinkers2 and it was peculiar to some of the ,sophists of ,elis1 that they lived upon nothing but water and dried figs4 ,their bodily strength1 which was great1 is said to have been the result of such diet2 but1 it is added1 that the pores of their skin exuded any thing but a celestial ichor1 and that1 whenever they went to the baths1 all the other bathers fled1 holding their offended noses between their fingers6 ,matris1 of ,athens1 lived all his life upon myrtle-berries and water2 but1 as nobody knows how long he did live1 it would be rather rash to imitate him in hopes of obtaining extension of existence4 ,lamprus1 the musician1 was a water-drinker1 as were ,polemon1 the ,academician1 and ,diocles1 of ,peparethus2 but1 as they were never famous for any thing else1 they are hardly worth citing4 ,it is different when we contrast ,demosthenes with ,demades4 ,demosthenes states1 in his second ,philippic1 that he was a water-drinker2 and ,pytheas was right1 when he bade the ,athenians remark1 that the sober demagogue was1 like ,dr4 ,young1 in fact1 constantly engaged in solemn ,night ,thoughts4 8,not so your other demagogue1 ,demades10 said ,pytheas2 8he is an unclean fellow1 who is daily drunk1 and who never comes into your assemblies but to exhibit his enormous paunch40 ,such was the style of election speeches in ,greece2 and it has a smack of the hustings1 and1 indeed1 of the market1 too1 in ,covent ,garden4 ,to turn from old to modern mythology1 ,i may notice that water entered into the old sports of ,st4 ,distaff's ,day1 or the morrow after ,twelfth ,day4 ,it is thus alluded to by one whose 8mind was jocund1 but his life was chaste10--the lyric ,parson of ,dean ,priors3-- 8,partly work and partly play ,ye must1 on ,st4 ,distaff's ,day4 ,from the plough soon free your team1 ,then come home and fother them4 ,if the maids a-spinning go1 ,burn the flax1 and fire the tow1 ,scorch their plackets1 but beware ,that ye singe no maiden-hair4 ,bring in pails of water then1 ,let the maids bewash the men4 ,give ,st4 ,distaff all the right1 ,then bid ,christmas sport #8,good-night2' ,and next morrow ev'ry one ,to his own vocation40 ,when ,herrick wrote these lines1 ,i do not know how it may have been at ,dean ,priors1 but ,london was but indifferently supplied with water4 ,but now ,london is supplied with water from eight different sources4 ,five of them are on the north1 or ,middlesex1 side of ,london1 three on the ,southwark and ,surrey side4 ,the first comprise the ,new ,river1 at ,islington2 the ,east ,london1 at ,old ,ford1 on the ,lea2 the ,west ,middlesex1 on the ,thames1 at ,brentford and ,hammersmith2 and the ,chelsea and ,grand ,junction1 on the same river1 at ,chelsea4 ,the south side is entirely supplied from the ,thames1 by the ,southwark1 ,lambeth1 and ,vauxhall ,waterworks1 whose names are descriptive of their locality4 ,the daily supply amounts to about #ce1jjj1jjj of gallons1 of which more than a third is supplied by the ,new ,river ,company4 ,the original projector of this ,company was ,sir ,hugh ,myddelton1 who proposed to supply the ,london conduits from the wells about ,amwell and ,ware4 ,the project was completed in #afac1 to the benefit of posterity and the ruin of the projector4 ,the old hundred-pound shares are now worth ten times their original cost4 ,in #afhb the private houses of the metropolis were only supplied with fresh water twice a week4 ,mr4 ,cunningham1 in his 8,handbook of ,london10 informs us that the old sources of supply were the ,wells1 or ,fleet ,river1 ,wallbrook and ,langbourne ,waters1 ,clement's1 ,clerk's1 and ,holy ,well1 ,tyburn1 and the ,river ,lea4 ,tyburn first supplied the ,city in the year #abhe1 the ,thames not being pressed into the service of the ,city conduits till #aefh1 when it supplied the conduit at ,dowgate4 ,there were people who stole water from the pipes then1 as there are who steal gas now4 8,this yere10 7#adgi17 writes an old chronicler of ,london1 quoted by ,mr4 ,cunningham1 8a wax-charndler in ,flete ,strete had bi craft perced a pipe of the condite withynne the ground1 and so conveied the water into his selar2 wherefore he was judged to ride thurgh the ,citee with a condite upon his hedde40 ,the first engine which conveyed water into private houses1 by leaden pipes1 was erected at ,london ,bridge1 in #aehb4 ,the pipes were laid over the steeple of ,st4 ,magnus2 and the engineer was ,maurice1 a ,dutchman4 ,bulmer1 an ,englishman1 erected a second engine1 at ,broken ,wharf4 ,previous to #afef1 the ,strand and ,covent ,garden1 though so near to the river1 were only supplied by water-tankards1 which were carried by those who sold the water1 or by the apprentice1 if there were one in the house1 whose duty it was to fill the house-tankard at the conduit1 or in the river4 ,in the middle of the seventeenth century1 ,ford erected water-works on the ,thames1 in front of ,somerset ,house2 but the ,queen of ,charles ,,ii4--like the ,princess ,borghese1 who pulled down a church next to her palace1 because the incense turned her sick1 and the organ made her head ache--ordered the works to be demolished1 because they obstructed a clear view on the river4 ,the inhabitants of the district depended upon their tankards and water-carriers1 until the reign of ,william ,,iii41 when the ,york-buildings ,waterworks were erected4 ,the frequently-occurring name of ,conduit-street1 or ,conduit-court1 indicates the whereabout of many of the old sources whence our forefathers drew their scanty supplies4 ,water is not necessarily unhealthy1 because of a little earthy matter in it2 mineral1 or animal1 or vegetable matter held in it1 by solution1 or otherwise1 renders it decidedly unwholesome4 ,rain water is the purest water1 when it is to be had by its natural distillation in the open fields4 ,when collected near towns1 it should never be used without being previously boiled and strained4 ,the hardness of water is generally caused by the presence of sulphate of lime4 ,horses commonly refuse to drink hard water1--a water that can make neither good tea1 nor good beer1 and which frequently contains many salts4 ,soft water1 which is a powerful solvent of all vegetable matters1 is to be preferred for all domestic purposes4 ,river water is seldom pure enough for drinking4 ,where purest1 it has lost its carbonic acid from long exposure2 and in the neighbourhood of cities it is often a slow poison1 and nothing more1 scarcely to be rescued from the name by the process of filtration4 ,london is still supplied1 at a very costly price1 with water which is 8offensive to the sight1 disgusting to the imagination1 and destructive to the health40 ,thames water1 as at present flowing into our houses1 is at once the jackal and aide-de-camp of cholera4 ,people are apt to praise it1 as being the water from which is made the purest porter in the world2 but it is a well-known fact1 that the great ,london brewers never employ it for that purpose4 ,the more a spring is drawn from1 the softer the water will become2 hence old wells furnish a purer water than those which are more recent2 but a well of soft water is sensibly hardened by a coating of bricks4 ,to obviate this1 the bricks should be coated with cement4 ,snow water deserves a better reputation than it has acquired4 ,lake water is fitted only for the commonest household detergent purposes4 ,but the salubrity of water is converted into poison by the conveyances which bring it almost to our lips2 and we have not yet adopted in full the recommendation of ,vitruvius and ,columella to use pipes of earthenware1 as being not only cheaper1 but more durable and more wholesome1 than lead4 ,we still convey away refuse water in earthenware1 and bring fresh water into our houses in lead6 ,the noted choleraic colic of ,amsterdam1 in the last century1 was entirely caused by the action of vegetable matter in the water-pipes4 ,filtration produces no good effect upon hard water4 ,the sulphate of lime1 and still more the super-carbonate of lime1 are only to be destroyed by boiling4 ,boiled water1 cooled1 and agitated in contact with the atmosphere1 before use1 is a safe and not an unpleasant beverage4 ,it is essential that the water be boiling when 8toast and water0 is the beverage to be taken4 ,water1 doubtless1 is the natural drink of man--in a natural state4 ,it is the only liquid which truly appeases thirst2 and a small quantity is sufficient for that effect4 ,the other liquids are1 for the most part1 palliatives merely4 ,if man had kept to water1 the saying would not be applicable to him1 that 8he is the only animal privileged to drink without being thirsty40 ,but1 then1 where would the medical profession have been8 ,but he does well who1 at all events1 commences the day with water and prayer4 ,with such an one we go hand in hand1 not only in that service1 but1 as now1 to ,breakfast4 ,,breakfast4 ,swift lent dignity to this repast1 and to laundresses partaking of it1 when he said1 in illustration of modern ,epicureanism1 that 8the world must be encompassed before a washerwoman can sit down to breakfast40 ,franklin1 who made a 8morality0 of every sentiment1 and put opinions into dramatical action1 has a passage in some one of his ,essays1 in which he says1 that 8,disorder breakfasts with ,plenty1 dines with ,poverty1 sups with ,misery1 and sleeps with ,death40 ,it is an unpleasant division of the day1 but it is truly described1 as far as it goes4 ,on the other hand1 it is not to be concluded that ,disorder is the favourite guest of ,abundance2 and ,i do not know any one who has described a plentiful breakfast1 with regularity presiding1 better than another essayist1 though one of a less matter-of-fact quality than ,franklin1--,i mean ,leigh ,hunt4 ,in the 8,indicator0 he invites us to a 8,breakfast in ,cold ,weather40 8,here it is10 he says1 8ready laid4 ,imprimis1 tea and coffee2 secondly1 dry toast2 thirdly1 butter2 fourthly1 eggs2 fifthly1 ham2 sixthly1 something potted2 seventhly1 bread1 salt1 mustard1 knives1 forks1 c4 ,one of the first things that belong to a breakfast1 is a good fire4 ,there is a delightful mixture of the lively and the snug1 in coming down to one's breakfast-room of a cold morning1 and seeing every thing prepared for us1--a blazing grate1 a clean table-cloth and tea-things2 the newly-washed faces and combed heads of a set of good-humoured urchins2 and the sole empty chair1 at its accustomed corner1 ready for occupation4 ,when we lived alone10 he adds1 8we could not help reading at meals2 and it is certainly a delicious thing to resume an entertaining book1 at a particularly interesting passage1 with a hot cup of tea at one's elbow1 and a piece of buttered toast in one's hand4 ,the first look at the page1 accompanied by a co-existent bite of the toast1 comes under the head of #8intensities4'0 ,under the head of 8c40 in the above list1 ,i should be disposed to include 8sunshine20 for sunshine in a breakfast-room in winter1 is almost as glorious a thing as the fire itself4 ,it is a positive tonic2 it cheers the spirits1 strengthens the body1 and promotes digestion4 ,as for breakfast in hot weather1 all well-disposed persons who have gardens take that meal1 of course1 in 8the arbour10 and amid flowers4 ,breakfasts al-fresco are all the more intensely enjoyed1 because so few may be discussed in the open air in a country whose summer consists of 8three hot days and a thunder-storm20 and in a climate wherein1 according to ,boerhaave1 people should not leave off their winter clothing till ,midsummer-,day1 resuming the same the next morning when they are dressing for breakfast6 ,walpole and ,boerhaave are right2 our summers do sometimes set in with extraordinary severity4 ,the breakfast of a ,greek soldier1 taken at dawn of day1 required a strong head to bear it4 ,it consisted of bread soaked in wine4 ,if ,princes were in the habit of so breaking their fast1 we hardly need wonder at the denunciation in ,ecclesiastes against those who eat in the morning4 ,the ,greek patricians sat daily down to but one solid meal4 ,soldiers and plebeians had less controllable appetites1 and these could not be appeased with less than two meals a day4 ,they were accounted peculiarly coarse people who consumed three4 ,the ,romans were1 in this respect1 similar to the ,greeks4 ,fashionable people ate little or nothing before the hour when they compensated for a long fast by a daily meal1 where they fed hugely4 ,a simple breakfast1 as soon as they awoke1 of 8bread and cheese10 has a very unclassical sound2 but good authority assures us1 that it was a custom duly honoured with much observance4 ,not of such light fare1 however1 was the breakfast of ,galba4 ,suetonius says that the old ,emperor used to cry for his morning repast long before day-break4 ,this was in winter time4 ,he took the meal in bed1 and was probably induced to do so by indisposition2 for he was a huge1 ogre-like supper-eater1--eating much1 leaving more1 and ordering the remains to be divided among the attendants1 who duly1 rather than dignifiedly1 scrambled for the same4 ,modern epicures would hardly approve of some of the dishes half-consumed by the hungry ,galba at breakfast2 but potentates of our own days have made their first meal upon very questionable matter4 ,when ,clapperton1 the ,african traveller1 breakfasted with the ,sultan of ,baussa1 which is a collection of straggling villages on the banks of the ,quorra1 among the delicacies presented were a large grilled water-rat1 and alligators' eggs1 fried or stewed4 ,the company were much amazed at the singularity of taste which prompted the stranger to choose fish and rice in preference to those savoury viands4 ,the ,prince1 who gave this public breakfast in honour of a foreign commoner1 was disgusted at the fastidious super-delicacy of his guest4 ,in the last century1 our commoners used to give similar entertainments in honour of ,princes4 8lia ,llia0 ,chudleigh1 as ,walpole calls the famous lady who was still more famous as ,duchess of ,kingston1 gave splendidly untidy entertainments of this sort in a splendidly untidy mansion4 ,her suppers will be found noticed in another page4 ,in #agfc1 she gave a concert and vast cold collation1 or 8breakfast10 in honour of ,prince ,edward's birthday4 ,the scene is admirably painted by ,walpole4 8,the house is not fine1 nor in good taste1 but loaded with finery4 ,execrable varnished pictures1 chests1 cabinets1 commodes1 tables1 stands1 boxes1 riding on one another's backs1 and loaded with terrenes1 figures1 filligrees1 and every thing upon earth6 ,every favour she has bestowed is registered by a bit of ,dresden ,china4 ,there is a large case full of enamels1 eggs1 ambers1 lapis-lazuli1 cameos1 tooth-pick cases1 and all kinds of trinkets1 things that she told me were her playthings4 ,another cupboard full of the finest japan1 and candlesticks1 and vases of rock-crystal1 ready to be thrown down in every corner4 ,but of all curiosities are the conveniencies in every bed-chamber2 great mahogany projections1 with brass handles1 cocks1 c4 ,i could not help saying it was the loosest family ,i ever saw40 ,there was a philosopher of the same century1 at whom even ,walpole dared not have sneered4 ,i allude to ,dr4 ,black1 whom ,lavoisier called 8the ,nestor of the ,chemical ,revolution40 ,dr4 ,black was famous for the frugality of his breakfasts1 and for the singularity of his death1 when seated at that repast4 ,his usual fare was a little bread1 a few prunes1 and a measured quantity of milk and water4 ,one morning in ,november1 #agii1 he was seated at this modest meal4 ,his cup was in his hand1 when the ,inevitable ,angel beckoned to him1 and the ,christian philosopher calmly obeyed4 ,he placed the cup on his knees1 8which were joined together1 and kept it steady with his hand1 in the manner of a person perfectly at his ease2 and in this attitude he expired1 without a drop being spilt1 or a feature in his countenance changed1 as if an experiment had been required1 to show to his friends the facility with which he departed40 ,there was neither convulsion1 shock1 nor stupor1 we are told1 to announce or retard the approach of death4 ,this was a more becoming end than that of another chemist1 the younger ,berthollet1--although in the latter there was something heroical1 too4 ,he had taken his last breakfast1 when he calmly proceeded to a sacrifice which he made to the interests of science4 ,he destroyed his life by enclosing himself in an atmosphere of carbonic acid4 ,there he began registering all the successive feelings he experienced1 which were such as would have been occasioned by a narcotic2--8a pause1 and then an almost illegible word occurred4 ,it is presumed that the pen dropped from his hand1 and he was no more40 ,i have spoken of winter and of summer breakfasts4 ,i must have recourse to ,mr4 ,forrester's 8,norway in #ahdh and #ahdi10 to show what a breakfast for a traveller should be2 namely1 oatmeal porridge1 or stir-about1 with a slice of rye or wheaten bread4 ,such a breakfast1 he says1 will not only fortify the traveller for a lengthened period1 but to the sedentary1 the bilious1 and the dyspeptic1 its adoption will afford more relief than the best prescription of a physician4 ,but this breakfast must be prepared with due care1 and this is the fashion of it3 8,take two or three handsfull of oatmeal2 ,i prefer it of mixed coarse and fine meal1 in the proportion of one third of the latter to two of the former4 ,mingle the meal in a basin of cold water1 and pour it into a saucepan containing about a quart of boiling water2 add a small portion of salt4 ,set the saucepan over the fire1 and keep stirring it1 sprinkling1 from time to time1 small quantities of the meal1 till the composition boils1 and has acquired the proper consistency4 ,that may be known by its glutinous state as it drops from the spoon4 ,let it simmer for ten minutes1 and then pour it1 not into a deep dish1 but into common dinner plates1 and it will form a soft1 thin1 jellied cake2 spoon out portions of this1 and float it in new milk1 adding moist sugar1 to your taste40 ,for the benefit of others1 ,i may add my testimony touching this recipe4 ,i have strictly followed the instruction given1 and ,i certainly never tasted any thing to equal the dish4 ,it was execrable6 ,but it has the double recommendation of being easy to digest1 and of keeping off the sensation of hunger for a very long time4 ,use alone is needed to make it a popular breakfast1 and he is a hero who uses it till he likes it4 ,but it is time to consider the various ,,materials ,,for ,,breakfast4 ,and first of milk4 ,if ,britons really have1 what they so much boast of1--a birth-right1--the least disputable article of that class1 is their undoubted right to that lacteal treasure which their mother holds from ,nature1 on trust1 for their use and advantage4 ,it is a curious fact1 that aristocratic infants are those who are most ordinarily deprived of this first right of their citizenship1 and are sent to slake their thirst and fortify their thews and sinews at ochlocratic breasts4 ,jean ,jacques ,rousseau was not often right1 but he was triumphantly so when he denounced the young and healthy mother1 let her rank be what it might1 who made surrender of what should be one of the purest of a young mother's pleasures1 and flung her child to the bosom of a stranger4 ,who can say what bad principles may not have been drawn in with these 8early breakfasts80 ,certainly this vicarious exercise of the office of maternity is an abomination2 and the abomination of having one's child suckled by a mercenary stranger can only be next in intensity to that of having him----but let us keep to 8,table ,traits40 ,milk is too popularly known to need description2 but it is not all that is sold under that name that comes from the cow4 ,the cow with one arm1 that produces what fresh medical students call the aqua pumpaginis1 has very much to do with the dairies of ,london4 ,metropolitan milk-maids are not as unsophisticated as the milk-maids of the olden time2 if1 indeed1 maids or milk were particularly pure even then2 for milk was a propitiatory offering to ,mercury1 and if ever there was a deity who loved mischief1 why1 ,dan ,mercury was the one4 ,in ,rome milk was used as a cosmetic1 and for baths as well as beverage4 ,five hundred asses supplied the bath and toilette-vases of the ,empress ,poppa2 and some dozen or two were kept to maintain the decaying strength of ,francis ,i4 ,of course1 asses' milk became fashionable in ,paris immediately1 just as bolster cravats did with us1 when the ,regent took to them in order to conceal a temporary disease in the neck4 8,oil of milk0 and 8cow-cheese0 were classical names for butter1--a substance which was not known in either ,greece or ,rome until comparatively late periods4 ,greece received it from ,asia1 and ,rome knew it not as an article of food until the legionaries saw the use to which it was applied by the ,german matrons4 ,the ,scythians1 like the modern ,bedouins1 were great butter-consumers4 ,their churners were slaves1 captured in war1 and blinded before they were chained to the sticks beside the tub1 at which1 with sightless orbs1 they were set to work4 ,there have been seasons when1 as now in ,abyssinia1 butter has been burned in the lamps in churches1 instead of oil4 ,the 8butter-tower0 of the cathedral at ,rouen owes its distinctive appellation to its having been built from the proceeds of a tax levied in return for permissions to eat butter at uncanonical times2 so that the tower is a monument of the violation of the ecclesiastical canons4 ,but there is great licence in these matters2 and chapels in ,ireland have been constructed with money raised by putting up ,moore's erotic works to be raffled for1 at half-a-crown a ticket6 ,goats1 cows1 sheep1 asses1 and mares have all contributed their milk towards the making of cheese2 and national prejudice has run so high on the question of superiority1 that as many broken heads have been the result1 as there have been rivulets of blood spilt at ,dinant on the question of copper kettles4 ,the ,phrygian cheese is said to have owed its excellence to the fact1 that it was made of asses' and mares' milk mixed together4 ,i doubt1 however1 if the strong-smelling ,phrygian cheese was equal to our ,stilton1--which1 by the way1 is not made at ,stilton1--and whose ripeness has been judiciously assisted by the addition of a pint of ,madeira4 ,delicate persons at ,rome breakfasted on bread and cheese1--principally goat cheese4 ,it was administered1 on the same principle that we prescribe rump-steak1 as strengthening4 ,people in rude health flourished in spite of it1 and therefore ailing people must1 it was thought1 be invigorated because of it4 ,however1 our own system is less open to objection than that of the ancient faculty4 ,i do not know whether mothers will consider it complimentary or not2 but it is a fact1 that the milk of asses more nearly resembles human milk than any other4 ,like the human milk1 it contains more saccharine matter than that of the cow1 and deposits a large proportion of curd by mere repose4 ,milk is easily assimilated1 nourishes quickly1 and but slightly excites to vascular action4 ,it is stringent1 however1 and has a tendency to create acidity2 but an addition of oatmeal gruel will correct both these matters4 ,suet1 inserted in a muslin bag1 and simmered with the milk1 is of highly nourishing quality2 but it is sometimes more than weak stomachs can bear4 ,lime-water with milk is recommended as sovereign against the acidity which milk alone is apt to create in feeble stomachs4 ,eggs have been as violently eulogized as they have been condemned1 and both in extremes4 ,in some parts of ,africa1 where they are very scarce1 and the ,priests are very fond of them1 it has been revealed to the people1 that it is sacrilege for any but clerical gentlemen to eat eggs6 ,the lay scruple1 if ,i may so speak1 is quieted by the assurance1 that1 though the sacred hens produce only for the servants at the altar1 the latter never address themselves to the food in question1 without the whole body of the laity profiting thereby6 ,i suppose that ,dissenters naturally abound in this part of ,africa4 ,there is nothing so unsatisfactory as vicarious feeding4 ,feeding is a duty which every man is disposed to perform for himself1 whether it be expected of him or not4 ,all the eggs in ,africa1 passing the sophagus of a ,priest1 could hardly nourish a layman1 even though the eggs were as gigantic as those which an old author says are presented by ladies in the moon to their profoundly delighted husbands1 and from which spring young babies1 six feet high1 and men at all points4 ,if the matrons in the moon were thus remarkable in this respect1 the ,egyptian shepherds on earth were not less so in another3 they had a singular method of cooking eggs1 without the aid of fire4 ,they laid them in a sling1 and then applied so violent a rotatory motion thereto1 that they were heated and cooked by the very friction of the air through which they passed6 ,diviners and dreamers dealt largely in eggs4 ,livia was told1 just before the birth of ,tiberius1 to hatch one in her bosom1 and that the sex of the chick would foretell that of the expected little stranger4 ,in ,rome and ,greece eggs were among the introductory portions of every banquet4 ,but ,rome knew only of twenty different manners of cooking them4 ,what an advance in civilization has been made in ,paris1 which1 according to ,mr4 ,robert ,fudge1 boasts of six hundred and eighty-five ways to dress eggs6 ,eggs1 filled with salt1 used to be eaten by curious maidens1 after a whole day's fasting1 on ,st4 ,agnes' ,eve3 the profit of such a meal was1 that she who partook of it had information1 in her after-dreams1 of that very interesting personage1 her future husband6 ,there is a story narrated of a ,welsh weaver1 that he could tell1 by the look of the egg1 whether the bird would be worth any thing or not4 ,he reminds me of an old ,monk ,i heard of1 when in ,prague1 who1 on a man passing him1 could tell whether he were an honest man1 or a knave1 by the smell6 ,but the ,welsh weaver was even more clever than this4 ,he could not only judge of eggs1 but hatch them4 ,a badger once carried off his sitting-hen1 and no plumed nurse was near to supply her place4 ,the weaver1 thereupon1 took the eggs 7there were six of them7 to bed with him1 and in about two days hatched them all6 ,of this brood he only reared a cock and a hen4 ,the cock was a gallant bird1 that used to win flitches of bacon for his master at cock-fights2 and the hen was as prolific as ,mrs4 ,partlett could have desired4 ,the result was1 that they kept their step-mother1 the weaver1 in bacon and eggs for many a month2 and the two days spent in bed were not so entirely thrown away as might1 at first sight1 appear4 ,let it be understood that eggs may lose their nourishment by cooking4 ,the yolk1 raw or very slightly boiled1 is exceedingly nutritious4 ,it is1 moreover1 the only food for those afflicted with jaundice4 ,when an egg has been exposed to a long continuance of culinary heat1 its nature is entirely changed4 ,a slightly-boiled egg1 however1 is more easy of digestion than a raw one4 ,the best accompaniment for a hard egg is vinegar4 ,raw eggs have a laxative effect2 hard-boiled1 the contrary4 ,there is an idiosyncrasy in some persons1 which shows itself in the utter disgust which they experience1 not only against the egg itself1 but also against any preparation of which it forms an ingredient1 however slight4 ,eggs should always be liberally accompanied by bread2--of which ,i will now say a few words1 and first of ,,corn4 ,our first parents received the mission to cultivate the garden which was given them for a home4 ,their ,hebrew descendants looked upon tillage of all descriptions with a reverence worthy of the authority which they professed to obey4 ,the sons of the tribes stood proudly by the plough1 the daughters of the patriarchs were gleaners1 warriors lent their strength in the threshing barn1 ,kings guided oxen1 and ,prophets were summoned from the furrows to put on their mantles1 and go forth and tell of things that were to come4 ,what ,heaven had enjoined1 the law enforced4 ,the people were taught to love and hold by the land which was in their own possession4 ,to alienate it was to commit a crime4 ,and it is from this ancient rule1 probably1 that has descended to us the feeling which universally prevails1--that he alone is aristocratic1 has the best of power1 who is lord of the land upon which he has built his earthly tabernacle4 ,the fields of ,palestine were fertile beyond what was known elsewhere2 her cattle produced more abundantly1 and the very appellations of many of her localities have reference to the beauty and the blessings showered down upon them by the ,lord4 ,next to it1 perhaps1 in richness and productiveness1 was ,egypt1 the home of fugitives from other homes where temporary famine reigned4 ,egypt was long the granary of the ,roman empire1 and twenty million bushels of corn was the life-sustaining tribute which she annually poured into the store-houses of ,imperial ,rome4 ,that territory could hardly be more productive1 of which an old ,latin author speaks1 and touching which he says1 that a rod thrust into the soil at night would be found budding before morning4 ,and this ancient story1 ,i may notice1 has been the venerable father of a large family of similar jokes among our ,transatlantic cousins4 ,the ,egyptians recognised ,osiris as their instructor how to subdue and use the earth4 ,the ,greeks took the teaching from ,ceres4 ,romulus1 too1 acknowledged the divine influence2 and his first public act1 as ,king1 was to raise the twelve sons of his nurse into a priesthood1 charged with watching over the fields1 and paying sacrifice and prayer to ,jove for yearly increase of harvests4 ,it was a selfish wish2 but not more so than that of the ,italian peasants1 who1 when one who was a native of their district had been raised to the tiara1 sent a delegation to request an especial favour at his hands4 ,the new ,pope looked on his old acquaintances benevolently1 and bade them express their wish4 8,they wanted but a modest boon10 they replied3 8nothing more than a declaration from the ,pontiff that their district should be henceforth distinguished by its having two harvests every year60 ,and the obliging 8successor of the ,fisherman0 smiled1 and not only granted their request1 but promised more than he was petitioned for4 8,to do honour to my old friends10 said he1 8not alone shall they have two harvests every year1 but henceforth the year in their district shall be twice as long as it is in any other60 ,and therewith the simple people departed joyously4 ,the older ,romans honoured agriculture1 as did the ,jews4 ,their language bore reference to this1 their coin was stamped with symbols in connexion therewith1 and their public treasury 8pascua0 showed1 by its name1 that 8pasturage0 was wealth4 ,so he who was rich in minted coin enjoyed the pecunia1 or 8money10 for which 8flocks0 7pecus7 were bought and sold4 ,the owner of an 8estate0 7locus7 was locuples1 a term for a man well endowed with worldly goods2 and he was in possession of a 8salary10 who had his salarium1 his allowance of salt-money1 or of salt1 wherewith to savour the food by which he lived4 ,the ,greeks refreshed the mouths of their ploughing oxen with wine4 ,the labour was considerable2 for1 although the plough was light1 it lacked the conveniencies of the more modern implement4 ,like the ,anglo-,norman plough1 it had no wheels3 the wheeled plough is the work of the inventive ,gauls4 ,the ,french ,republicans made a show of paying honour to agriculture by public demonstrations1 the chief actors in which were the foremost men in the ,land of ,equality4 ,they1 absurdly enough1 took their idea from the example presented them by a ,monarch1 all of whom they pronounced execrable2 and by one1 too1 who was the most despotic upon earth1--the ,emperor of ,china4 ,and1 in the case of the ,emperor1 there probably was more ostentation than any better motive for the act4 ,grimm1 in his 8,correspondence10 says1 truly enough1 that the ceremony is a fine one1 which places the ,emperor of ,china1 every year1 at the tail of the plough2 but1 as he adds1 it is possible that1 like much of the etiquette of ,european ,courts1 such a custom may have sunk into a mere observance1 exercising no influence on the public mind4 8,i defy you10 he says1 8to find a more impressive ceremony than that by which the ,doge of ,venice yearly declares himself the husband of the ,adriatic ,sea4 ,how exalting6--how stimulating6--how proudly inspiring for the ,venetians1 when their nation was1 in reality1 sovereign of the seas6 ,but now it is little more than a ridiculous sport1 and without any other effect than that of attracting a multitude of people to the ,fair of the ,ascension40 ,charles ,,ix41 infamous as he was in most respects1 was honourable in one2 namely1 in exempting from arrest for debt all persons engaged in the cultivation of land1 8with intent to raise grain and fruit necessary for the sustenance of men and beasts40 ,all the property of such husbandmen was alike exempted from seizure2 and it strikes us1 that this was a much more reasonably-founded exemption than that with which we endow rou ,members of ,parliament1 who have no excuse for exceeding their income4 ,they are free from arrest for six weeks from the prorogation of ,parliament2 and this is the cause of the farce which is so often played in the autumn and winter1 when ,parliament is 8further prorogued40 ,the ,great ,council would be all the better for the absence of men who so far forget their duty as to cheat her ,majesty's lieges by exceeding their own income4 ,the ,senate could better spare the spendthrifts1 than the land could spare the presence of him whose mission it is to render it productive4 ,wheat is a native of ,asia1--some say1 of ,siberia2 others1 of ,tartary2 but it is a matter of doubt1 whether it can now be found there growing in a wild state4 ,the ,romans created a corn-god1 and then asked its protection4 ,the powerful deity was called ,robigus1 and he was solemnly invoked1 on every #beth of ,april1 to keep mildew from the grain4 ,the ,romans had a reverence for corn1 but barley was excepted from this homage2 and to threaten to put an offending soldier on rations of barley1 was to menace him with disgrace4 ,the ,italian antipathy still exists1 if we may believe the ,italian ,professor1 who1 being offered a basin of gruel1 7made from barley17 declared its proper appellation to be 8acqua crudele40 ,he accounted of it1 as ,pliny did of rye1 that it was detestable1 and could only be swallowed by an extremely hungry man4 ,oats were only esteemed a degree higher by ,virgil4 ,the poet speaks of them almost as disparagingly as ,johnson did1 when he described them as 8food for horses in ,england1 and for men in ,scotland40 ,the grain1 however1 found a good advocate in him who asked1 8----where did you ever see such horses and such men80 ,the meal is1 nevertheless1 of a heating quality1 and certain cutaneous diseases are traced to a too exclusive use of it4 ,but oatmeal cakes are not bad eating1--where better is not to be procured1--though they are less attractive to the palate than those sweet buns made from sesame grain1 and which the ,romans not only swallowed with delight1 but used the name proverbially4 ,the lover who was treating his mistress to sugared phrases1 was said to be regaling her with 8sesame cakes40 ,this sort of provision was very largely dealt in by ,latin lovers4 ,it was to be had cheaply2 and nymphs consumed as fast as swains presented4 ,if lovers gave the light bread of persuasion to win a maiden's affection1 the ,government distributed solid loaves1 or corn to make them with1 to the people1 in order to gain the popular esteem1 and suppress sedition4 ,in some cases1 it was as a 8poor's rate0 paid by the ,emperors1 and costing them nothing4 ,in too many cases1 it was ill applied2 and if ,adrian daily fed all the children of the poor1 other imperial rulers showered their tens of thousands of bushels daily on an idle populace and a half-dressed soldiery4 ,it was easily procured4 ,sixty millions of bushels--twenty times that number of pounds' weight--were supplied by ,africa2 and those 8sweet nurses of ,rome10 the islands of the ,mediterranean1 also poured into the imperial granaries an abundant tribute of the golden seed4 ,it is a fact1 however1 that neither ,romans nor ,gauls were1 till a late period1 acquainted with the method of making fermented bread4 ,ambrosia1 nine times sweeter than honey1 was the food of the gods2 the first men existed on more bitter fare1--bread made from acorns4 ,ceres has the honour of having introduced a better fare4 ,men worshipped her accordingly2 and1 abandoning acorns1 took also to eating the pig1 now allowed to fatten on them at his leisure4 ,ceres and ,king ,miletus dispute the renown of having invented grinding-stones4 ,the hand-mill was one of the trophies which the ,roman eagles bore back with them from ,asia4 ,mola1 the goddess charged therewith1 looked to the well-being of mills1 millers1 and bread4 ,in ,greece1 ,mercury had something to do with this4 ,it was he1 at least1 who sent to the ,athenian market-women1 selling bread1 their customers2 and1 as he was the ,god of ,eloquence1 it is1 doubtless1 from this ancient source that all market-women are endowed with shrewdness and loquacity4 ,the ,athenian bread-sellers are said to have possessed both4 ,our ladies of the ,gate1 in ,billing's ,ward1 are1 probably1 not behind them2 and ,i am inclined to think that a true old-fashioned ,bristol market-woman would surpass both4 ,let me cite an instance4 ,some years ago1 an old member of this ancient sisterhood was standing at her stall1 in front of one of the ,bristol banks4 ,she had a #aj ,bank-of-,england note in her hand2 and as1 in her younger days1 she had been nurse-maid in the family of one of the partners1 she thought she might venture to enter1 and ask for gold for her note4 ,she did so2 but it was at a time when guineas were worth five-and-twenty shillings a-piece1 and gold was scarce1 and----in short1 she met with a refusal4 ,the quick-witted market-woman1 without exhibiting any disappointment1 thereupon asked the cashier to let her have ten of the bank's #a notes in exchange for her 8,bank-of-,englander40 ,the cashier was delighted to accommodate her in this fashion4 ,the exchange being completed1 the old lady1 taking up one of the provincial notes1 read aloud the promise engraved upon it1 to pay the bearer in cash4 8,very good60 said she1 with a gleesome chuckle1 8now gi' me goold for your notes1 or ,i'll run to the door1 and call out1 #8,bank's broke6'0 ,there was no resisting this1 and the market-woman departed triumphantly with her gold4 ,light-heeled ,mercury could not have helped her better than she helped herself1 by means of her own sharp wit4 ,despite what ,virgil says of oats1 the ,roman soldiery1 for many years1 had no better food than gruel made from oatmeal1 and sharpened for the appetite by a little vinegar4 ,the vinegar was an addition suggested by ,numa1 who also not only improved the very rude ideas which previously prevailed with regard to the making of bread1 but turned baker himself1 and sent his loaves to the ovens which he had erected1 and to the bakers whom he had raised into a 8guild10 placed under the protection of the goddess ,fornax2--and a very indifferent1 nay1 disreputable1 deity she was6 ,the public ovens were to the people of ,rome what a barber's shop is to a village in war time1--the temple of gossip4 ,it had been well had they never been any thing worse6 ,the vocation of baker was hereditary in a family2 the son was compelled to follow his father's calling4 ,occasionally1 a member of the fraternity was offered a senatorship2 but then he was required to make over his property1 realized by baking1 to his successors2 and1 consequently1 the honour was as deeply declined as the ,london mayoralty would be by the ,governor of the ,bank of ,england4 ,if ,fornax was the goddess to whose patronage the bakers were consigned by the ,state1 she suffered by the religious liberty exercised by the bakers themselves1 who chose to pay adoration to ,vesta4 ,vesta was the very antipodes in character and attributes to ,fornax2 and the selection of the former would seem to show1 that the generally reviled bakers could not only praise virtue1 but practise it4 ,endless were the varieties of bread sold in the markets at ,rome4 ,there was ,cappadocian bread for the wealthy2 pugilistic loaves for the athlet2 batter-bread for the strong1 and ,greek rolls for the weak1 of stomach3 and there were the prepared bread poultices1 which people who1 like ,pompey's young soldiers1 were afraid of injuring their complexion1 were wont to keep applied to their cheeks during the hours of sleep4 ,anadyomene so slumbering1 with ,adonis at her side similarly poulticed1 can hardly be said to be a subject for a painter2 and yet many a blooming ,caia slept on the bosom of her ,caius1 and more panis madidus than blushes on the cheeks of either4 ,pliny ventures on a strange statement with regard to oats4 ,he says that oats and barley are so nearly allied1 that when a man sows the one1 he is not sure that he may not reap the other6 ,he also illustrates the prolificness of millet1 by asserting that a single grain produced 8innumerable ears of corn2 and that a bushel 7twenty pounds' weight7 of millet would make more than sixty pounds of wholesome bread60 ,the ,romans and the ,greeks also appear to have been acquainted with ,indian corn4 ,jean ,jacques ,rousseau1 much as he affected to love nature1--and he was himself one of the most artificial of characters1--knew very little about her1 or her productions4 ,some of our great men are described as being in much the same condition of ignorance4 ,three poets of the last century were one day walking through a field1 promising a glorious harvest of grain4 ,one of them extolled the beauty of the wheat4 8,nay10 said the second1 8it is rye40 8,not so10 remarked the third1 8it is a field of barley40 ,a clown1 standing by1 heard and marvelled at the triple ignorance4 8,you are all wrong1 gentlemen10 said he2 8those be oats40 ,the poets were town-bred2 or were of that class of people who go through a country with their eyes open1 and are unable to distinguish between its productions4 ,i have seen ,londoners contemplating1 with a very puzzled look1 the 8canary0 crops growing in the vicinity of ,herne ,bay2 and ,i was once gravely asked if it was 8teazle60 ,these crops are1 as ,i was told by a grower1 8capricious40 ,they will grow abundantly upon certain land having certain aspects2 but where the aspect is changed1 although the land be chemically the same1 the canary will scarcely grow at all4 ,it is shipped in large quantities from ,herne ,bay for ,london1 where it is used for many purposes4 ,none of its uses are so singular as one to which corn was applied1 some thirty years ago1 in the western settlements of ,america1 namely1 for stretching boots and shoes4 ,the boot or shoe was well filled with corn1 and made secure by such tight tying that none could escape4 ,it was then immersed for several hours in water2 during which the leather was distended by the gradual swelling of the grain4 ,after being taken from the water1 a coating of neat's-foot oil1 laid on and left to dry1 rendered the boot or shoe fit for wear4 ,a more interesting anecdote in connexion with corn1 and illustrative of character1 is afforded us by ,dr4 ,chalmers in his ,diary4 ,the ,doctor1 as is well known1--and he was ever ready to confess his weakness1--occasionally let his warm temper get the better of his excellent judgment4 ,here is an instance1 which shows1 moreover1 how ,christian judgment recovered itself from the influence of human nature3 8,nov4 #bjth1 #ahab4--,was provoked with ,thomas taking it upon him to ask more corn for my horse4 ,it has got feeble under his administration of corn1 and ,i am not without suspicion that he appropriates it2 and his eagerness to have it strengthens the suspicion4 ,erred in betraying anger to my servant and wife2 and1 though ,i afterwards got my feelings into a state of placidity and forbearance1 upon ,christian principles1 was moved and agitated when ,i came to talk of it to himself4 ,let me take the corn into my own hand1 but carry it to him with entire charity4 ,o1 my ,god1 support me60 ,was it not to ,socrates that some one said8--8,to judge from your looks1 you are the best-tempered man in the world40 8,then my looks belie me10 replied the philosopher2 8,i have the worst possible temper1 by nature2 with the strongest possible control over it1 by philosophy40 ,chalmers was1 in one sense1 like ,socrates2 but the control over his stubborn infirmity had something better 8than your philosophy0 for its support4 ,reverting to the feeding of horses1 ,i may notice1 that1 according to the ,earl of ,northumberland's 8,household-,book10 the corn was not thrown loose into the manger1 but made into loaves4 ,it has been conjectured1 that the ,english poor formerly ate the same bread4 ,there can be no question about it2 and even at the present time it is no uncommon sight1 in some towns of the ,continent1 to see a driver feeding his horse from a loaf1 and occasionally taking a slice therefrom for himself4 ,there is no greater consumer of corn in ,england than the pigeon4 ,vancouver1 in laudable zeal for the hungry poor1 calls pigeons 8voracious and insatiate vermin40 ,he calculates the pigeons of ,england and ,wales at nearly a million and a quarter2 8consuming #aei1ejj1jjj pints of corn annually1 to the value of #a1dgf1efb4 #ajs40 ,it is impossible for calculation to be made closer4 ,darwin says of pigeons1 that they have an organ in the stomach for secreting milk4 ,and it is not alone in the way of devouring corn that they are destructive4 ,in the 8,philosophical ,transactions10 it is mentioned that pigeons for many ages built under the roof of the great church of ,pisa4 ,their dung spontaneously took fire1 at last1 and the church was consumed4 ,i have said that the ,roman soldiers marched to victory under the influence of no more exciting stimulant than gruel and vinegar4 ,a little oatmeal has often sustained the strength of our own legions in the hour of struggle4 ,the ,germans1 brave as they are1 sometimes require a more substantial support4 ,thus1 after a defeat endured by the ,great ,frederick1 hundreds of respectable burgesses of the province of ,mark set out as volunteers for the royal army1--the ,hellengers in white1 the ,sauerlanders in blue jackets1--each man with a stout staff in his hand1 and a rye loaf and a ham on his back4 8,fritz0 glared with astonishment when they presented themselves at his head-quarters4 8,where do you fellows come from80 said he4 8,from ,mark1 to help our ,king40 8,who doesn't want you10 interrupted ,fritz4 8,so much the better2 we are here of our own accord40 8,where are your officers80 8,we have none40 8,and how many of you deserted by the way80 8,deserted60 cried the ,markers indignantly3 8if any of us had been capable of that1 we should not be what we are1--volunteers40 8,true60 said the ,king1 8and ,i can depend upon you4 ,you shall have fire enough soon to toast your bread and cook your hams by40 ,when ,henri ,,iv4 was besieging ,paris1 held by the ,leaguers1 the want most severely felt by the famished inhabitants was that of bread4 ,the ,guise party1 who held the city1--and the most active agent of that party was the ,duchess of ,montpensier1 the sister of ,duke ,henri of ,guise1--endeavoured to keep life in the people by means that nature revolts at4 ,when every other sort of food had disappeared1 the ,government within the walls distributed very diminutive rolls made of a paste1 the chief ingredient in which was human bones ground to powder4 ,the people devoured them under the name of 8,madame de ,montpensier's cakes20--no wonder that they soon after exultingly welcomed the entry of a ,king1 who declared that his first desire was to secure to every man in ,france his 8poule au pot60 ,but enough of bread4 ,let us examine briefly the subject of ,,butter4 ,the illustrious ,ude1 or some one constituting him the authority for the nonce1 has sneered at the ,english as being a nation having twenty religions1 and only one sauce1--melted butter4 ,a ,french commentator has added1 that we have nothing polished about us but our steel1 and that our only ripe fruit is baked apples4 ,guy ,pantin traces the alleged dislike of the ,french of his day for the ,english1 to the circumstance that the latter poured melted butter over their roast veal4 ,the ,french execration is amusingly said to have been further directed against us1 on account of the declared barbarism of eating oyster-sauce with rump-steak1 and 8poultice10 as they cruelly characterize 8bread sauce10 with pheasant4 ,but1 to return to butter3--the spilling of it has more than once been elucidative of character4 ,when1 in the days of the old rgime1 an ,english servant accidentally let a drop or two of melted butter fall upon the silken suit of a ,french petit-matre1 the latter indignantly declared that 8blood and butter were an ,englishman's food40 ,the conclusion was illogical1 but the arguer was excited4 ,lord ,john ,townshend manifested better temper and wit1 when a similar accident befell him1 as he was dining at a friend's table1 where the coachman was the only servant in waiting4 8,john10 said my ,lord1 8you should never grease anything but your coach-wheels40 ,it was an old popular error that a pound of butter might consist of any number of ounces4 ,it is an equally popular error1 that a breakfast cannot be1 unless bread and butter be of it4 ,marcus ,antoninus breakfasted on dry biscuits2 and many a person of less rank1 and higher worth1 is equally incapable of digesting any thing stronger4 ,solid breakfasts are only fit for those who have much solid exercise to take after it2 otherwise heartburn may be looked for4 ,avoid new bread and spongy rolls2 look on muffins and crumpets as inventions of men of worse than sanguinary principles1 and hot buttered toast as of equally wicked origin4 ,dry toast is the safest morning food1 perhaps1 for persons of indifferent powers of digestion2 or they may substitute for it the imperial fashion set by ,marcus ,antoninus4 ,of liquids ,i may next speak2 and in this our ancient friend1 ,tea1 takes the precedence4 ,,tea4 ,the origin of tea is very satisfactorily accounted for by the ,indian mythologists4 ,darma1 a ,hindoo ,prince1 went on a pilgrimage to ,china1 vowing he would never take rest by the way2 but he once fell asleep1 and he was so angry with himself1 on awaking1 that he cut off his eye-lids1 and flung them on the ground4 ,they sprang up in the form of tea shrubs2 and he who drinks of the infusion thereof1 imbibes the juice of the eye-lids of ,darma4 ,tea1 however1 is said to have been first used in ,china as a corrective for bad water2 and that not at a remote date4 ,in the seventeenth century1 half the physicians of ,holland published treatises in favour of tea4 ,it was hailed as a panacea1 and the most moderate eulogizers affirmed that two hundred cups a day might be drunk without injury to the stomach of the drinker4 ,in the ninth century1 tea was taken in ,china simply as a medicine2 and it then had the repute of being a panacea4 ,the early ,dutch physicians who so earnestly recommended its use as a common beverage1 met with strenuous opposition4 ,france1 ,germany1 and ,scotland1 in the persons of ,patin1 ,hahnemann1 and ,duncan1 decried tea as an impertinent novelty1 and the vendors of it as immoral and mercenary4 ,nor was ,holland itself unanimous in panegyrizing the refreshing herb4 ,some1 indeed1 eulogized the infusion as the fountain of health1 if not of youth2 but others again1 and those of the ,dutch faculty1 indignantly derided it as filthy 8hay-water40 ,olearius1 the ,german1 on the other hand1 recognised its dietetic virtues as early as #aacc2 while a ,russian ,ambassador1 at about the same period1 refused a pound or two of it1 offered him by the ,mogul as a present to the ,czar1 on the ground that the gift was neither useful nor agreeable4 ,the ,dutch appear to have been the first who discovered the value of the shrub1 in a double sense4 ,they not only procured it for the sake of its virtues1 but contrived to do so by a very profitable species of barter4 ,they exchanged with the ,chinese a pound of sago for three or four pounds of tea2 and it is very possible that each party1 preferring its own acquisition1 looked on the opposite party as duped4 ,tea is supposed to have been first imported into ,england1 from ,holland1 in #afff1 by ,lords ,arundel and ,ossory4 ,we cannot be surprised that it was slow in acquiring the popular favour1 if its original cost was1 as it is said to have been1 #fjs4 per pound4 ,but great uncertainty rests as well upon the period of introduction1 as upon the original importers1 and the value of the merchandise4 ,one fact connected with it is well ascertained2 namely1 that ,european ,companies had long traded with ,china before they discovered the value and uses of tea4 ,it is said to have been in favour at the ,court of ,charles ,,ii41 owing to the example of ,catherine1 his ,queen1 who had been used to drink it in ,portugal4 ,medical men thought1 at that time1 that health could not be more effectually promoted than by increasing the fluidity of the blood2 and that the infusion of ,indian tea was the best means of attaining that object4 ,in #afgh1 ,bontekoe1 a ,dutch physician1 published a celebrated treatise in favour of tea1 and to his authority its general use in so many parts of ,europe is to be attributed4 ,the first tea-dealer was also a tobacconist1 and sold the two weeds of novelty together1 or separately4 ,his name was ,garway1 78,garraway's107 and his locale1 ,exchange-alley4 ,it was looked upon chiefly as a medicinal herb2 and ,garway1 in the seventeenth century1 not only 8made up prescriptions10 in which tea was the sole ingredient1 but parcels for presents1 and cups of the infusion for those who resorted to his house to drink it over his counter4 ,its price then varied from #aas4 to #ejs4 per pound4 ,the taking tea with a visitor was soon a domestic circumstance2 and1 towards the end of the century1 ,lord ,clarendon and ,pre ,couplet supped together1 and had a cup of tea after supper1 an occurrence which is journalized by his ,lordship without any remark to lead us to suppose that it was an extraordinary event4 ,dr4 ,lettsom has written largely1 and plagiarized unreservedly1 on the subject of tea2 adding1 as ,mr4 ,disraeli remarks1 his own dry medical reflections to the sparkling facts of others2 but he was the first1 perhaps1 who established the unwholesomeness of green tea4 ,he 8distilled some green tea1 injected three drachms of the very odorous and pellucid water which he obtained1 into the cavity of the abdomen and cellular membrane of a frog1 by which he paralysed the animal4 ,he applied it to the cavity of the abdomen and ischiatic nerves of another1 and the frog died2 and this he thought proved green tea to be unwholesome0--to the frogs1 and so applied1 as it undoubtedly was4 ,such experiments1 however1 are unsatisfactory4 ,nux vomica1 for instance1 deadly poison to man1 may be taken1 almost with impunity1 by many animals4 ,the first brewers of tea were often sorely perplexed with the preparation of the new mystery4 8,mrs4 ,hutchinson's great grandmother was one of a party who sat down to the first pound of tea that ever came into ,penrith4 ,it was sent as a present1 and without directions how to use it4 ,they boiled the whole at once in a bottle1 and sat down to eat the leaves with butter and salt1 and they wondered how any person could like such a diet40 ,steele1 in 8,the ,funeral10 laughs at the 8cups which cheer1 but not inebriate40 8,don't you see10 says he1 8how they swallow gallons of the juice of tea1 while their own dock-leaves are trodden under foot80 ,what ,bishop ,berkeley did with 8,tar ,water10 when he made his ,essay thereupon a ground for a ,dissertation on the ,trinity1 ,joseph ,williams--8the ,christian merchant0 of the early and middle part of last century1 whose biography is well known to serious readers--did1 when he wrote to his friend ,green upon the necessity of 8setting the ,lord always before us40 ,when treating of this subject1 the pious layman adverts to a present of that new thing called 8tea10 which ,green had sent him1 and which had lost some of its flavour in the transit4 ,there is something amusing in the half sensual1 half spiritual way in which worthy ,joseph ,williams mixes his ,jeremiad upon tea with one upon human morals4 8,the tea10 he says1 8came safe to hand1 but it hath lost the elegant flavour it had when we drank of it at ,sherborne1 owing1 ,i suppose1 to its conveyance in paper1 which1 being very porous1 easily admits effluvia from other goods packed up with it1 and emits effluvia from the tea4 ,such are the moral tendencies of evil communications among men1 which nothing will prevent1 7like canisters for tea17 but taking to us the whole armour of ,god4 ,had the tea been packed up with cloves1 mace1 and cinnamon1 it would have been tinctured with these sweet spices2 so #8he that walks with wise men shall be wise4' ,he that converses with heaven-born souls1 whose conversation is in heaven1 whose treasure and whose hearts are there1 will catch some sparks from their holy fire2 but #8evil communications corrupt good manners4' ,i have put the tea into a canister1 and am told it will recover its original flavour1 as the pious soul which hath received some ill impressions from vicious or vain conversation will1 by retiring from the world1 by communing with his own heart1 by heavenly meditation1 and fervent prayer1 recover his spiritual ardour40 ,the simile1 however1 limps a little2 for if every man canistered himself1 and a good example1 from the world1 the wide-spreading aroma of that example would never seductively insinuate itself into the souls of men4 ,it is by contact we brighten1 and sometimes suffer4 ,we must not canister our virtue as ,mr4 ,williams did his tea3 the latter was for selfish enjoyment4 ,a guinea may be kept for ever unstained by the commerce of the world1 in the very centre of the chest of avarice2 but what good does it do there8 ,let it circulate merrily through the hundred hands of the giant ,industry1 and there will be more profit than evil effected by the process4 ,but good ,joseph ,williams would not have agreed with us1 and he would take his saintly similes from traits of the table4 8,o that ,i may walk humbly10 he says1 8and look on myself1 when fullest of divine communications1 but as a drinking-glass without a foot1 and which1 consequently1 cannot stand of itself1 nor retain what may be put into it40 ,a very tipsy-like simile6 ,i may be permitted to add that1 after all1 religion happily proved stronger than tea1 but not without still stronger opposition2 and we are told by the disgusted ,connoisseur1 that 8persons of fashion cannot but lament that the ,sunday evening tea-drinkings in ,ranelagh were laid aside1 from a superstitious regard to religion40 ,a remark which shows how very poor a connoisseur this writer was in matters of propriety4 ,not1 indeed1 that diet and divinity could not be seated at the same table4 ,on ,easter-day1 for instance1 the first dish that used to be placed before the jubilant guests was a red-herring on horseback1 set in a corn salad4 ,some hundred and fifty years ago1 too1 there was a semi-religious1 semi-roystering club held at the 8,northern ,ale-house in ,st4 ,paul's ,alley10 every member of which was of the name of ,adam4 ,it was formed in honour and remembrance of the first man4 ,the honour was more than ,adam deserved2 for the first created man not only betrayed his trust1 but he shabbily sought to lay the responsibility upon the first woman4 ,and as for 8remembrance10 he has managed to survive even the memory of the club founded by his namesakes1 and long since defunct4 ,the members were hard drinkers1 but not of saffron posset1 which ,arabella1 in 8,the ,committee10 recommends as 8a very good drink against the heaviness of the spirits40 ,the ,adamites mostly died1 as the legend says ,adam himself did1 of hereditary gout1--an assertion which would seem to indicate that the author of it was of ,hibernian origin6 ,there are various passages of our poets which tend to show that 8tea0 and 8coffee0 became1 very early1 fixed social observances4 ,pope1 writing1 in #agae1 of a lady who left town after the coronation of ,george ,i41 says that she went to the country-- 8,to part her time 'twixt reading and ,bohea1 ,to muse1 and spill her solitary tea2 ,or o'er cold coffee trifle with the spoon1 ,count the slow clock1 and dine exact at noon40 ,at the same period1 the more fortunate belles who remained in town made of tea a means for other ends than shortening time4 ,dr4 ,young1 in his 8,satires10 says of ,memmia1 that-- 8,her two red lips affected zephyrs blow1 ,to cool the ,bohea and inflame the beau2 ,while one white finger and a thumb conspire ,to lift the cup and make the world admire40 ,dr4 ,parr's delicate compliment is well known2 but ,i may be pardoned1 perhaps1 for introducing it here4 ,he was not very partial to the ,thea ,sinensis1 though lauded so warmly by a ,french writer1 as 8nostris gratissima ,musis20 but once being invited to take tea by a lady1 he1 with a mixture of wit and gallantry1 exclaimed1 8,nec teacum possum vivere1 nec sine te60 ,the ,christchurch men at ,oxford were remarkable1 at an early period1 for their love of tea2 and1 in reference to it1 they were pleasantly recommended to adopt as their motto3 8,te veniente die1 te decedente notamus40 ,in #agah1 ,pope draws an illustration from tea1 when writing to ,mr4 ,digby3 8,my ,lady ,scudamore10 he remarks jocosely1 8from having rusticated in your company too long1 really behaves herself scandalously among us4 ,she pretends to open her eyes for the sake of seeing the sun1 and to sleep because it is night2 drinks tea at nine in the morning1 and is thought to have said her prayers before2 talks1 without any manner of shame1 of good books1 and has not seen ,cibber's play of #8,the ,nonjuror4'0 ,this is a pleasant picture of the 8good woman0 of the last century4 ,she drank tea at nine in the morning1 not sleeping on till noon1 to be aroused at last1 like ,belinda1 by-- 8,shock1 who thought she slept too long1 ,leap'd up and waked his mistress with his tongue40 ,tea is little nutritious2 it is often injurious from being drunk at too high a temperature1 when the same quantity of the fluid at a lower temperature would be beneficial4 ,it is astringent and narcotic2 but its effects are various on various individuals1 and the cup which refreshes and invigorates one1 depresses or unnaturally excites and damages the digestive powers of others4 ,green tea can in no case be useful1 except medicinally1 in cases where there has been excessive fatigue of the mind or body2 and even then the dose should be small4 ,tea1 as a promoter of digestion1 or rather1 as a comforter of the stomach when the digestive process has been completed1 should not be taken earlier than from three to four hours after the principal meal4 ,taken too early1 it disturbs digestion by arresting chymification1 and by causing distension4 ,the astringency of tea is diminished by adding milk1 and its true taste more than its virtue is spoiled by the addition of sugar4 ,these remarks are applicable to tea in its pure state1 and not to the adulterated messes which come from ,china1 or are made up in ,england4 ,if sloe leaves here are made to pass for ,souchong1 so also is many an unbroken chest of 8tea0 landed1 which is largely composed of leaves that are not the least akin to the genuine shrub4 ,black teas are converted into green1 some say by means of a poisonous dye1 others by roasting on copper2 but ,i do not think this process is extensively adopted4 ,at one time the chests were rendered heavy by an adulterated mixture of a considerable quantity of tea1 and a not inconsiderable quantity of earthy detritus1 strongly impregnated with iron4 ,but our searchers soon put a stop to this knavery4 ,they just dipped a powerful magnet into the chest1 stirred it about1 and1 when drawn out1 the iron particles1 if any1 were sure to be found adhering to the irresistible 8detective40 ,i have heard that ,lady ,morgan's tea-parties1 in ,dublin1 were remarkable for the excellent qualities both of the beverage and the company2 and also for her ,ladyship's stereotyped joke1 of 8,sugar yourselves1 gentlemen1 and ,i'll milk you all40 ,tea-parties1 ,i may observe in conclusion1 are not confined in ,china to festive occasions4 ,tea is solemnly drunk on serious celebrations1 with squibs to follow4 ,thus1 for instance1 at the funeral of a ,buddhist ,priest1 there is thought taken for the living as well as for the dead1 for the appetites of mortals as well as for the gratification of the gods4 ,the latter are presented with various sorts of food1 save animal4 ,it is placed on the altar1 and it is eaten at night by the deities1 of course4 ,while the ceremonies preliminary to the interment are proceeding1 a servant enters the temple1 and hands tea round to the reverend gentlemen who are officiating6 ,the interment usually takes place in the morning1 and it is numerously attended2 but if1 as the long procession is advancing1 the hour of breakfast should happen to arrive1 the corpse is suddenly dropped in the highway1 the entire assembly rush to their respective homes1 and not till they have consumed their tea and toast1 or whatever materials go to the constituting of a ,chinese djener1 do they return to carry the corse to its final resting-place1 and fire no end of squibs over it1 in testimony of their affliction4 ,which done1 more refreshment follows2 and perhaps some of the mourners retire to ,chinese taverns1 where inviting placards promise them 8,a cup of tea and a bird's nest for #d;d460 ,,coffee4 ,the ,english and ,french dispute the honour of being the first introducers of coffee into ,western ,europe4 ,the ,dutch assert that they assisted in this introduction2 and1 although coffee was not drunk at ,rome1 until long after it had been known to1 and tasted by1 ,italian travellers at ,constantinople1 the ,church looked with pleasure on a beverage1 one effect of which was to keep both ,priests and people awake4 ,an ,arab author of the fifteenth century--,sherbaddin--asserts1 that the first man who drank coffee was a certain ,muphti of ,aden1 who lived in the ninth century of the ,hegira1 about ,a4,d4 #aejj4 ,the popular tradition is1 that the ,superior of a ,dervish community1 observing the effects of coffee-berries when eaten by some goats1 rendering them much more lively and skittish than before1 prescribed it for the brotherhood1 in order to cure them of drowsiness and indolence4 ,it was originally known by the name of cahui or kauhi1--an orthography which comes near to that of the ingenious ,town-,councillor of ,leeds1 who1 writing out a bill of fare for a public breakfast1 contrived to spell 8coffee0 without employing a single letter that occurs in that word1--to wit1 kawphy6 ,sandys1 a traveller of the seventeenth century1 gives it no very attractive character4 ,good for digestion and mirth1 he allows it to be2 but he says that in taste as in colour it is nearly as black as soot4 ,the coffee-houses of ,england take precedence of those of ,france1 though the latter have more enduringly flourished4 ,in #afeb1 a ,greek1 in the service of an ,english ,turkey merchant1 opened a house in ,london4 8,i have discovered his hand-bill10 says ,mr4 ,disraeli1 8in which he sets forth the virtue of the coffee drink1 first publiquely made and sold in ,england1 by ,pasqua ,rosee1 of ,st4 ,michael's ,alley1 ,cornhill1 at the sign of his own head40 ,mr4 ,peter ,cunningham cites a ,,ms4 of ,oldys in his possession1 in which some fuller details of much interest are given4 ,oldys says1 8,the first use of coffee in ,england was known in #afeg1 when ,mr4 ,daniel ,edwards1 a ,turkey merchant1 brought from ,smyrna to ,london one ,pasqua ,rosee1 a ,ragusan youth1 who prepared this drink for him every morning4 ,but the novelty thereof drawing too much company to him1 he allowed his said servant1 with another of his son-in-law's1 to sell it publicly2 and they set up the first coffee-house in ,london1 in ,st4 ,michael's ,alley1 ,cornhill4 ,but they separating1 ,pasqua kept in the house2 and he who had been his partner obtained leave to pitch a tent1 and sell the liquor1 in ,st4 ,michael's churchyard40 ,aubrey1 in his ,anecdotes1 states that the first vendor of coffee in ,london was one ,bowman1 coachman to a ,turkey merchant1 named ,hodges1 who was the father-in-law of ,edwards1 and the partner of ,pasqua1 who got into difficulties1 partly by his not being a freeman1 and who left the country4 ,bowman was not only patronized1 but a magnificent contribution of one thousand sixpences was presented to him1 wherewith he made great improvements in his coffee-house4 ,bowman took an apprentice1 7,paynter17 who soon learnt the mystery1 and in four years set up for himself4 ,the coffee-houses soon became numerous3 the principal were ,farres'1 the ,rainbow1 at the ,inner-,temple ,gate1 and ,john's1 in ,fuller's ,rents4 8,sir ,henry ,blount10 says ,aubrey1 8was a great upholder of coffee1 and a constant frequenter of coffee-houses40 ,the frequenters of these places1 however1 were considered as belonging to the idle and dissipated classes2 and the reputation was not altogether undeserved4 ,respectable people denounced the coffee-drinking evils1 illustriously obscure and loyal people dreaded the politics that were discussed at the drinking1 and tipsy satirists hurled strong contempt and weak verse at the new-fangled fashion of abandoning ,canary wine for the ,arabian infusion4 ,the fashion1 however1 extended rapidly2 the more so1 that cups were soon to be had at so low a price1 that the shops where they were sold went by the name of 8,penny ,universities40 ,the ladies1 who were excluded from public participation in the bitter enjoyment1 made some characteristic complaints against the male drinkers1 and intimated that the indulgence of coffee-drinking would in time deteriorate1 if not destroy1 the human race2 but the imbibers heeded not the complaint1 their answer to which was that of ,branger's gay marital philosopher3-- 8,nous laisserions finir le monde1 ,si nos femmes le voulaient bien40 ,while the ladies1 through their poetical representatives1 were complaining1 male philanthropists quickly discerned the social uses of the cup2 and ,sir ,henry ,blount acknowledges1 with grateful pleasure1 that the custom1 on the part of labouring men and apprentices1 of drinking a cup of coffee in the morning1 instead of their ordinary matinal draught of beer or wine1 was chiefly owing to ,sir ,james ,muddiford1 8who introduced the practice hereof first in ,london40 ,the ,government of the ,stuarts1 hating free discussion1 and not particularly caring for wit1 watched the coffee-houses with much jealousy1 and placed as much restriction upon them as they possibly could strain the law to4 ,the vexatious proceeding did not secure the desired result2 and the coffee-house wits laughed at the ,government4 ,the wits1 however1 were not always successful either in their praise of1 or satire against1 coffee4 ,pepys1 on the #aeth of ,october1 #affg1 went to the ,duke's ,house1 to see the comedy of 8,taruga's ,wiles2 or1 the ,coffee-,house10 of which he says1 8,the most ridiculous1 insipid play that ever ,i saw in my life2 and glad we were that ,betterton had no part in it40 ,but ,pepys was probably not in the true vein to decide critically that night2 for his pretty maid ,willett was sitting at his side2 and his wife1 who was on the other1 spoiled the effect of the play by her remarks on the girl's 8confidence40 ,perhaps one of the most curious apologies for coffee-houses was that of ,aubrey1 who declared that he should never have acquired so extensive an acquaintance but for 8the modern advantages of coffee-houses in this great city1 before which men knew not how to be acquainted but with their own relations and societies40 ,and ,aubrey1 who has been called the small ,boswell of his day1 8was a man who had more acquaintances than friends40 ,yemen is the accepted birth-place1 if we may so speak1 of the coffee-tree4 ,pietro de la ,vall introduced it into ,italy1 ,la ,royne into ,marseilles1 and ,thevenot brought it with him to ,paris4 ,in #afdc1 a ,levantine opened a coffee-house in ,paris1 in the ,place du ,petit ,chatelet2 but it was ,soleiman ,aga1 ,turkish ,ambassador in ,paris1 in #afhi1 who was the medium through which coffee found its way into the realm of fashion4 ,had it been really what some have supposed it to have been1--the black broth of the ,lacedmonians1--he could have made it modish by his method of service4 ,this was marked by all the minute details of oriental fashion1--small cups and foot-boys1 gold-fringed napkins and pages1 coffee wreathing with smoke1 and ,ganymedes wreathed with garlands1 the first all aroma1 and the hand-bearers all otto of roses3 the whole thing was too dazzling and dramatic to escape adoption4 ,but the intolerable vulgar would imitate their betters1 and coffee became as common at taverns as wine1 beer1 and smoking4 ,it would have inevitably been abandoned to coarse appetites only1 but for ,franois ,procope1 a ,sicilian1 who1 in the ,rue de l',ancienne ,comdie1 exactly opposite to the old play-house in the ,faubourg ,st4 ,germain1 opened an establishment expressly for the sale of coffee1 but with such innocent additional articles as ices1 lemonade1 and the like harmless appliances1 to make pleasant the seasons in their change4 ,the ,caf ,procope became the immediate resort of all the wits1 philosophers1 and refined rous of ,paris4 ,there ,rousseau wrote or repeated the lines which brought him into such frequent trouble4 ,there ,piron muttered the verses with which the incitement of devils inspired him4 ,there ,voltaire tried to rule supreme1 but found himself in frequent bitter contest with ,palissot and ,freron4 ,the ,caf ,procope was the morning journal1 the foreign news-mart1 the exchange1--literary1 witty1 and emphatically charming4 ,there ,lamothe renewed the contest between the ancient and modern1 the classical and the romantic1 drama4 ,there the brilliant ,chevalier de ,st4 ,georges gave lessons in fencing to the men of letters2 and thence ,dorat addressed his amorous missives to ,mademoiselle ,saunier4 ,there ,marmontel praised ,clairon1 and the ,marquis de ,bivre tried his calembourgs2 and there ,duclos and ,mercier made their sketches of society1 at once serious and sarcastic4 ,the universal favour in which coffee is still held in ,paris1 and the crowds which still wait on 8,andromaque10 sufficiently belie the famous prophecy of ,madame de ,svign1 that 8coffee and ,racine would have their day40 ,the dark infusion reigns without a rival1 the demi-tasse follows dinner oftener than 8grace10 ,rachel helps to keep ,racine alive1 and caf1 in its turn1 has the reputation of being one of the favourite stimulants of the great tragdienne4 ,with regard to the making of coffee1 there is no doubt that the ,turkish method of pounding the coffee in a mortar is infinitely superior to grinding it in a mill1 as with us4 ,but after either method the process recommended by ,m4 ,soyer may be advantageously adopted2 namely1 8,put two ounces of ground coffee into a stew-pan1 which set upon the fire1 stirring the coffee round with a spoon until quite hot1 then pour over a pint of boiling water2 cover over closely for five minutes1 pass it through a cloth1 warm again1 and serve40 ,the chemist ,laplace explained to ,napoleon the results of various methods of manipulation4 8,how is it1 ,sir10 said the ,emperor1 8that a glass of water in which ,i melt a lump of sugar1 always appears to me to be superior in taste to one in which ,i put the same quantity of powdered sugar80 8,sire10 said the sage1 8there exist three substances1 whose elements are precisely the same2 namely1 sugar1 gum1 and starch4 ,they only differ under certain conditions1 the secret of which ,nature has reserved to herself2 and ,i believe that it is possible1 that1 by the collision caused by the pestle1 some of the portions of the sugar pass into the condition of gum or starch1 and thence arises the result which has been observed40 ,medical men are widely at issue as to the merits of coffee4 ,all1 however1 are agreed that it stimulates the brain1 and banishes somnolency4 ,voltaire and ,buffon were great coffee-drinkers2 but ,i do not know that we are authorized to attribute the lucidity of the one or the harmony of the other to the habit in question4 ,ability would be cheaply purchased if that were the case2 and the 8royal road0 would have been discovered where it had never been looked for4 ,the sleeplessness produced by coffee is not one of an unpleasant character4 ,it is simply a painless vigilance2 but1 if often repeated1 it may be exceedingly prejudicial4 ,brillat de ,savarin illustrates the power of coffee by remarking1 that a man may live many years who takes two bottles of wine daily2 but the same quantity of strong coffee would soon make him imbecile1 or drive him into a consumption4 ,taken immediately after dinner1 coffee aids the dyspeptic1 especially to digest fat and oily aliment1 which1 without such stimulant1 would undoubtedly create much disturbance4 ,the ,turks drink it to modify the effects of opium4 ,caf au lait1 that is1 three parts milk to one of coffee1 is the proper thing for breakfast2 but the addition of milk to that taken after dinner is a cruelty to the stomach4 ,a ,dutchman1 named ,nieudorff1 is said to have been the first who ventured on the experiment of mixing milk with coffee4 ,when he had the courage to do this1 the two liquids together were considered something of such an abomination as we should now consider brown sugar with oysters4 ,i must not omit to mention1 that the favourite beverage of ,voltaire1 at the ,caf ,procope1 was 8choca10--a mixture of coffee 7with milk7 and chocolate4 ,the ,emperor ,napoleon was as fond of the same mixture as he was of ,chambertin2 and1 in truth1 ,i do not know a draught which so perfectly soothes and revives as that of hot1 well-frothed 8choca40 ,substances mixed with coffee1 or substitutes for the berry altogether1 have been tried with various degrees of success4 ,roasted acorns have been made to pass for it when ground4 ,there is more chicory than coffee consumed at the present time in ,france2 and the infusion of the lupin does duty for it at poor hearths in ,flanders2 as that of roasted rye 7the nearest resemblance to coffee7 does in ,america4 ,experimentalists say1 that an excellent substitute for coffee may be made from asparagus2 and ,frankfort1 alarmed lest the complications of the 8,eastern ,question0 should deprive it of the facilities for procuring the berry as heretofore1 is gravely consulting as to whether asparagus coffee may be a beverage likely to be acceptable as a substitute for the much prized 8demi-tasse40 ,,chocolate4 ,ferdinand ,cortez went to ,mexico in search of gold2 but the first discovery he made was of chocolate4 ,the discovery was not welcomed ecclesiastically1 as coffee was4 ,this new substance was considered a sort of wicked luxury1 at least for ,monks1 who were among the earliest to adopt it1 but who were solemnly warned against its supposed peculiar effects4 ,the moralists quite as eagerly condemned it2 and in ,england ,roger ,north angrily asserted1 that 8the use of coffee-houses seems much improved by a new invention1 called #8chocolate-houses1' for the benefit of rooks and cullies of quality1 where gambling is added to all the rest1 and the summons of ,w---- seldom fails2 as if the devil had erected a new university1 and these were the colleges of its ,professors1 as well as his schools of discipline40 ,the ,stuart jealousy of these localities1 where free discussion was amply enjoyed1 seems to have influenced the ,attorney-,general of ,james ,,ii42 for1 although they may not have been frequented1 he says1 by 8the factious gentry he so much dreaded10 he adds1 8,this way of passing time might have been stopped at first1 before people had possessed themselves of some convenience from them of meeting for short dispatches1 and passing evenings with small expenses40 ,of what chiefly recommended these places1 the stern official thus made a grievance4 ,chocolate 7or1 as the ,mexicans term it1 chocolalt7 is the popular name for the seeds of the cocoa1 or1 more correctly1 the cacao1 plant1 in a prepared state1 generally with sugar and cinnamon4 ,the ,mexicans improve the flavour of the inferior sorts of cacao seeds by burying them in the earth for a month1 and allowing them to ferment4 ,the nutritious quality of either cacao or chocolate is entirely owing to the oil or butter of cacao which it contains4 ,cacao-nibs1 the best form of taking this production1 are the seeds roughly crushed4 ,when the seed is crushed between rollers1 the result is flake cacao4 ,common cacao is the seed reduced to a paste1 and pressed into cakes4 ,the cheap kinds of chocolate are said to be largely adulterated with lard1 sago1 and red-lead1--a pernicious mixture for healthy stomachs2 but what must it be for weak stomachs craving for food at once nutritious and easy of digestion8 ,the 8patent0 chocolates of the shops are nothing more than various modes of preparing the cacao seeds4 ,the ladies of ,mexico are so excessively fond of chocolate1 that they not only take it several times during the day1 but they occasionally have it brought to them in church1 and during the service4 ,a cup of good chocolate may1 indeed1 afford the drinker strength and patience to undergo a bad sermon4 ,the ,bishops opposed it for a time1 but they at length closed their eyes to the practice4 ,i am afraid there is no chance of the fashion being introduced into ,england4 ,the advantages would be acknowledged2 but then there would be a savour of ,popery detected about it1 that would inevitably cause its rejection4 ,the ,church herself found a boon in this exquisite supporter of strength4 ,the ,monks took it of a morning before celebrating ,mass1 even in ,lent4 ,the orthodox and strong-stomached raised a dreadful cry at the scandal2 but ,escobar metaphysically proved1 that chocolate made with water did not break a fast2 thus establishing the ancient maxim1 8,liquidum non frangit jejunium40 ,spain welcomed the gift of chocolate made her by ,mexico with as much enthusiasm as she did that of gold by ,peru2 the metal she soon squandered1 but chocolate is still to be found in abundance in the ,peninsula3 it is an especial favourite with ladies and ,monks1 and it always appears on occasions when courtesy requires that refreshments be offered4 ,the ,spanish ,monks sent presents of it to their brethren in ,french monasteries2 and ,anne of ,austria1 daughter of ,philip ,,ii4 of ,spain1 when she brought across the ,pyrenees her hand1 but not her heart1 to the unenergetic ,louis ,,xiii41 brought a supply of chocolate therewith2 and henceforth it became an established fact4 ,in the days of the ,regency it was far more commonly consumed than coffee2 for it was then taken as an agreeable aliment1 while coffee was still looked upon as a somewhat strange beverage1 but certainly akin to luxury4 ,in the opinion of ,linnus it must have surpassed all other nutritious preparations1 or that naturalist would hardly have conferred upon it1 as he did1 the proud name of ,theobroma1 8food for the gods60 ,invalids will do well to remember1 that chocolate made with vanilla is indigestible1 and injurious to the nerves4 ,indeed1 there are few stomachs at all that can bear chocolate as a daily meal4 ,it is a highly concentrated aliment2 and all such cease to act nutritiously if taken into constant use4 ,we will now look into some of those famous resorts of by-gone days1 where coffee and chocolate were prepared1 and wit was bright and spontaneous4 ,,the ,,old ,,coffee-,,houses4 ,the 8,grecian0 appears to have been the oldest of the better-known coffee-houses1 and to have lasted the longest4 ,it was opened by ,constantine1 a ,grecian1 8living in ,threadneedle-street1 over against ,st4 ,christopher's ,church10 in the early part of the last half of the seventeenth century4 ,its career came to a close towards the middle of the nineteenth century2 namely1 in #ahdc1 when the ,grecian ,coffee-house1 then in ,devereux-court1 ,strand1 where it had existed for very many years1 was converted into the 8,grecian ,chambers10 or lodgings for bachelors4 ,constantine not only sold 8the right ,turkey coffee berry1 or chocolate10 but gave instructions how to 8prepare the said liquors gratis40 ,the 8,grecian0 was the resort rather of the learned than the dissipated4 ,the antiquarians sat at its tables2 and1 despising the news of the day1 discussed the events of the ,trojan war1 and similar lively1 but remote1 matters4 ,the laborious trifling was ridiculed by the satirists2 and it is clear that there were some pedants as well as philosophers there4 ,it was a time when both sages and sciolists wore swords2 and it is on record that two friendly scholars1 sipping their coffee at the 8,grecian10 became enemies in argument1 the subject of which was the accent of a ,greek word4 ,whatever the accent ought to have been1 the quarrel was acute1 and its conclusion grave4 ,the scholars rushed into ,devereux-court1 drew their swords1 and1 as one was run through the body and killed on the spot1 it is to be supposed that he was necessarily wrong4 ,but the duel was the strangest method of settling a question in grammar that ,i ever heard of4 ,still it was rather the scholars than the rakes who patronized the 8,grecian20 and there were to be found the ,committee of the ,royal ,society1 and ,oxford ,professors1 enjoying their leisure and hot cups1 after philosophical discussion and scientific lecturing2 and even the ,privy ,council ,board sometimes assembled there to take coffee after ,council4 ,the 8coffee-houses10 which were resorted to for mere conversation as well as coffee1 began on a first floor2 they were the seed1 as it were1 whence has arisen the political and exclusive 8club0 of the present day4 ,the advantages of association were first experienced in coffee-houses2 but at the same time was felt the annoyance caused by intrusive and unwelcome strangers4 ,the club1 with its ballot-box to settle elections of members1 was the natural result4 ,william ,urwin's ,coffee-house1 known as 8,will's10 from its owner's name1 and recognised as the 8,wits'10 from its company1 was on the first floor of the house at the west corner of ,bow-street and ,russell-street1 ,covent ,garden4 ,in the last half of the seventeenth century1 it was at the height of its good fortune and reputation4 ,the shop beneath it was kept by a woollen-draper4 ,tom ,brown says that a wit was set up at a small cost2 he was made by 8peeping once a day in at ,will's10 and by relating 8two or three second-hand sayings40 ,it was at ,will's that ,dryden 8pedagogued0 without restraint1 accepted flattery without a blush1 and praised with happy complacency the perfection of his own works4 ,he was the great attraction of the place1 and his presence there of an evening filled the room with admiring listeners1 or indiscreet adulators4 ,dryden had the good sense to retire early1 when the tables were full1 and he knew he had made a favourable impression1 which the company might improve in his absence4 ,addison1 more given to jolly fellowship1 sat late with those who tarried to drink4 ,pepys1 recording his first visit1 in ,february1 #affc-d1 says that he stepped in on his way to fetch his wife1 8where ,dryden the poet1 7,i knew at ,cambridge17 and all the wits of the town1 and ,harris the player1 and ,mr4 ,hoole of our ,college4 ,and had ,i had time then1 as ,i could at other times1 it will be good coming thither2 for there ,i perceive is very witty and pleasant discourse4 ,but ,i could not tarry2 and1 as it was late1 they were all ready to go away40 ,the reign of ,dryden at ,will's was not1 however1 without its pains4 ,occasionally1 a daring stranger1 like young ,lockier1 raw from the country1 would object to the dicta of the despot4 ,thus1 when ,dryden praised his 8,mac ,flecknoe10 as the first satire 8written in heroics10 the future ,dean timidly suggested that the 8,lutrin0 and the 8,secchia ,rapita0 were so written2 and ,dryden acknowledged that his corrector was right4 ,the ,london beaux would have been afraid1 or incapable1 of setting ,dryden right2 they were sufficiently happy if they were but permitted to dip their fingers into the poet's snuff-box1 and1 at a separate table1 listen to the criticisms uttered by the graver authorities who were seated round another1 at the upper end of the room4 ,of the disputes that there arose1 8glorious ,john0 was arbiter2 for his particular use a chair was especially reserved2 therein enthroned1 he sat by the hearth or the balcony1 according to the season1 and delivered judgments which were not always final4 ,no man was better qualified to do so1 for the 8specialty0 of ,will's ,coffee-house was poetry4 ,songs1 epigrams1 and satires1 circulated from table to table2 and the wits judged plays1 even ,dryden's1 until the playwrights began to satirize the wits4 ,with ,dryden1 8,will's0 lost some of its dignity4 ,late hours1 card-playing1 and politics2 poets more didactic in their verse1 and essayists more instructive in their prose1 than in their daily practice2 8dissipateurs0 like ,addison1 and peers who shared in ,addison's lower tastes1 without either his talent or occasional refinement1--spoiled the character of 8,will's10 where1 by the way1 ,pope had been introduced by ,sir ,charles ,wogan1 though1 years before1 in his youth1 he had been proud to follow old ,wycherley about from coffee-house to coffee-house2 and then 8,button's0 attracted the better portion of the company1 and left ,will's to the vulgar and the witless4 8,button's0 ,coffee-house was so named from its original proprietor1 who had been a servant of the ,countess of ,warwick1 the wife of ,addison4 ,it was situated in ,great ,russell-street1 on the south side1 about two doors from ,covent ,garden4 ,what ,dryden had been at 8,will's10 ,addison was at 8,button's40 ,there1--after writing during the morning at his house in ,st4 ,james's ,place1 where his breakfast-table was attended by such men as ,steele1 ,budgell1 ,philips1 ,carey1 ,davenant1 and ,colonel ,brett1 with some of whom he generally dined at a tavern1--he was to be found of an evening1 until the supper hour called him and his companions to some other tavern1 where1 if not at ,button's1 they made a night of it4 ,pope was of the company for almost a year1 but left it because the late hours injured his health2 and furthermore1 perhaps1 for the reason1 that his irritable temper had rendered him unpopular1 and that he had so provoked ,ambrose ,philips1 that the latter suspended a birchen rod over ,pope's usual seat1 in intimation of what the ordinary occupant would get if he ventured into it4 ,the ,buttonians were famous for the fierceness of their criticism1 but it appears to have been altogether a better organized establishment than ,will's2 for while the parish registers show that the landlord of the latter was fined for misdemeanour1 the vestry-books of ,st4 ,paul 7,covent ,garden71 prove that ,button paid 8for two places in the pew ,no4 #ah1 on the south side of the north aisle1 #b4 #bs420 and charity leads us to conclude that ,daniel and his wife occupied the places so paid for1 and were orthodox as well as loyal4 ,the 8,lion's ,head0 of the 8,guardian10 which was put up at ,button's1 over the box destined to receive contributions for the editor1 is now at ,woburn1 in the possession of the ,duke of ,bedford4 ,of coffee-houses that went by the name of 8,tom's0 there were three4 ,at the one in ,birchin-lane1 ,garrick occasionally appeared among the young merchants2 and ,chatterton1 before despair slew even ambition1 more than once dined4 ,at the second house so called1 in ,devereux-court1 many of the scholars1 critics1 and scientific men of the last century used to congregate4 ,there ,akenside essayed to rule over the tables as ,dryden had done at 8,will's10 and ,addison at 8,button's20 but his imperious rule was often overthrown by 8flat rebellion40 ,the 8,tom's0 was opposite 8,button's10 and stood on the north side of ,great ,russell-street1 ,no4 #ag4 ,it received its name from the ,christian appellation of its master1 ,thomas ,west1 who committed suicide in #agbb4 ,if guests gained celebrity in the latter days at 8,will's0 for writing a 8posie for a ring10 so at 8,tom's0 ,mr4 ,ince was held in due respect1 for the reason that he had composed a solitary paper for the 8,spectator40 ,it was a place where the tables were generally crowded from the time of ,queen ,anne to that of ,george ,,iii4 ,seven hundred of the nobility1 foreign ,ministers1 gentry1 and geniuses of the age1 subscribed a guinea each1 in #agad1 for the erection of a card-room2 and this fact1 with the additional one that1 only four years later1 an enlarged room for cards and conversation was constructed1 may serve to show by what sort of people1 and for what particular purposes1 8,tom's0 was patronized4 ,at the time that ,white's ,chocolate-house was opened at the bottom of ,st4 ,james's-street1--the close of the last century1--it was probably thought vulgar2 for there was a garden attached1 and it had a suburban air4 ,at the tables in the house or garden more than one highwayman took his chocolate1 or threw his main1 before he quietly mounted his horse and rode slowly down ,piccadilly towards ,bagshot4 ,before the establishment was burned down1 in #agcc1 it was famous rather for intensity of gaming than excellence of chocolate4 ,it arose from its ashes1 and settled1 at the top of the street1 into a fixedness of fashion that has never swerved4 ,gallantry1 pleasure1 and entertainment were the characteristics of the place4 ,the celebrated ,lord ,chesterfield there 8gamed1 and pronounced witticisms among the boys of quality40 ,steele dated all his love-news in the 8,tatler0 from ,white's4 ,it was stigmatized as 8the common rendezvous of infamous sharpers and noble cullies20 and bets were laid to the effect that ,sir ,william ,burdett1 one of its members1 would be the first ,baronet who would be hanged4 ,the gambling went on till dawn of day2 and ,pelham1 when ,prime ,minister1 was not ashamed to divide his time between his official table and the picquet-table at ,white's4 ,selwyn1 like ,chesterfield1 enlivened the room with his wit4 ,as a sample of the spirit of betting which prevailed1 ,walpole quotes 8a good story made at ,white's40 ,a man dropped down dead at the door1 and was carried in2 the ,club immediately made bets whether he was dead or not1 and1 when they were going to bleed him1 the wagerers for his death interposed1 and said it would affect the fairness of the bet6 ,some of the old rules of the houses are rich in 8table traits40 ,thus1 in #agcf1 every member was required to pay an extra guinea a year 8towards having a good cook40 ,the supper was on table at ten o'clock2 the bill at twelve4 ,in #ageh1 it was agreed that he who transgressed the rules for balloting should pay the supper reckoning4 ,in #agig we find1 8,dinner at #ajs4 #f;d4 per head1 7malt liquor1 biscuits1 oranges1 apples1 and olives included17 to be on table at six o'clock2 the bill to be brought at nine40 8,that no hot suppers be provided1 unless particularly ordered2 and then be paid for at the rate of #hs4 per head4 ,that in one of the rooms there be laid every night 7from the ,queen's to the ,king's birthday7 a table1 with cold meat1 oysters1 c4 ,each person partaking thereof to pay #ds41 malt liquors only included40 ,colley ,cibber was a member1 but1 as it would seem1 an honorary one only1 who dined with the ,manager of the ,club1 and was tolerated afterwards by the company for the sake of his wit4 ,mr4 ,cunningham states1 that at the supper given by the ,club in #ahad1 at ,burlington ,house1 to the ,allied ,sovereigns1 there were covers laid for #b1djj people1 and that the cost was 8#i1hdi4 #bs4 #f;d40 8,three weeks after this1 7,july #f1 #ahad17 the ,club gave a dinner to the ,duke of ,wellington1 which cost #b1hdj4 #ajs4 #i;d40 ,the dinner given1 in the month of ,february of the present year1 to ,prince ,george of ,cambridge1 was one not to welcome a victorious warrior1 but to cheer an untried1 about to go forth to show himself worthy of his spurs4 ,white's ceased to be an open ,chocolate-house in #agcf1 from which period it has been as private an establishment as a ,club can be said to be4 ,the politicians had their coffee-houses as well as the wits4 ,the 8,cocoa ,tree10 in ,st4 ,james's-street1 was the ,tory house in the reign of ,queen ,anne4 ,the 8,st4 ,james's0 was the ,whig house4 ,it was a well-frequented house in the latter days of ,george ,,ii41 when ,gibbon recorded his surprise at seeing a score or two of the noblest and wealthiest in the land1 seated in a noisy coffee-room1 at little tables covered by small napkins1 supping off cold meat or sandwiches1 and finishing with strong punch and confused politics4 ,the ,st4 ,james's ,coffee-house ranked ,addison1 ,swift1 ,steele1 and1 subsequently1 ,goldsmith and ,garrick1 among its habitus4 ,it had a more solid practical reputation than any of the other coffee-houses2 for within its walls ,goldsmith's poem of 8,retaliation0 originated4 ,but politics was its 8staple20 and poor politicians seem to have been among its members1 seeing that many of them were in arrears with their subscriptions3 but these were probably the outer-room men2 for the magnates1 who were accustomed to sit and watch the line of ,bourbon1 within the steam of the great coffee-pot1 were doubtless punctual in their payments ere they could have earned the privilege4 ,and yet their poetical acumen was often more correct than their political discernment2 for while the company at ,button's ascribed the 8,town ,eclogues0 to ,gay1 the coffee-drinkers at ,st4 ,james's were unanimous in giving them to a lady of quality4 ,of the coffee-houses of a second order1 the 8,bedford10 in ,covent ,garden1 was probably the first2 but1 for good-fellowship1 it equalled any of the more exclusive houses2 for ,garrick1 and ,quin1 and ,murphy1 and ,foote1 were of the company4 ,wit was the serious occupation of all its members2 and it never gave any of them serious trouble to produce in abundance4 ,quin1 above all1 was brilliant in the double achievements of ,epicureanism and sparkling repartee4 ,garrick1 in allusion to the sentiments often expressed here by his brother actor1 wrote the epigrammatic lines1 supposed to be uttered by ,quin1 in reference to a discussion on embalming the dead1 and which will be found in a subsequent chapter1 under the head of 8,table ,traits of the last ,century40 sopus1 the actor1 who was to ,cicero what ,quin was to ,george the ,third1--he 8taught the boy to speak10--sopus was as great an epicure1 in his way1 as ,quin himself4 ,it is related of him1 that one day he dined off a costly dish of birds1 the whole of which1 when living1 had been taught either to sing or speak4 sopus was as fond of such a dish as his fellow-comedian1 ,quin1 was of mullet2 for which1 and for some other of his favourite morceaux1 he used to say that a man ought to have a swallow as long as from ,london to ,botany ,bay1 and palate all the way6 ,when the fish in question was in season1 his first inquiry of the servant who used to awaken him was1 8,is there any mullet in the market this morning1 ,john80 and if ,john replied in the negative1 his master's reported rejoinder was1 8,then call me at nine to-morrow1 ,john40 ,the ,bedford ,coffee-house had its disadvantages1 as when bullies1 like ,tiger ,roach1 endeavoured to hold sovereignty over the members4 ,but usurpers like the ,tiger were deposed as easily by the cane as by the sword2 but such occurrences marred the peace of the coffee-house1 nevertheless4 ,it was1 indeed1 a strange company that sometimes was to be found within these houses4 ,at ,batem's1 the ,city ,house1 patronized by ,blackmore1 the brother of ,lord ,southwell was to be found enacting the parasite1 and existing by the aid of men who thought his wit worth paying for4 ,child's ,coffee-house1 ,st4 ,paul's ,church-yard1 was patronized by the ,clergy1 who assembled there1 especially the younger ,clergy1 in gowns1 cassocks1 and scarfs1 smoked till they were invisible1 and obtained the honorary appellation of 8,doctor0 from the waiters4 ,clerical visitants were also to be found at the 8,smyrna10 in ,pall ,mall4 ,swift was often there with ,prior2 and the politics of the day were so loudly discussed1 that the chairmen and porters in waiting outside used to derive that sort of edification therefrom which is now to be had in the cheap weekly periodicals4 8,garraway's0 takes us once more into the ,city4 ,garway1 as the original proprietor was called1 was one of the earliest sellers of tea in ,london2 and his house was frequented by nobles who had business in the ,city1 who attended the lotteries at his house1 or who wished to partake of his tea and coffee4 ,foreign ,bankers and ,ministers patronized 8,robin's20 the buyers and sellers of ,stock collected at 8,jonathan's20 and the shipping interest went1 as now1 to 8,lloyd's40 ,all these places were in full activity of business and coffee-drinking in the reign of ,queen ,anne4 ,finally1 the lawyers crowded 8,squire's10 in ,fulwood's ,rents2 and there1 it will be remembered1 ,sir ,roger de ,coverley smoked a pipe1 over a dish of coffee1 with the ,spectator4 ,but enough of these places1 whose names are more familiar to many of us than their whereabout1 but whose connexion with what may be called the table life of past times gives me warrant for the notice of them1 with which1 perhaps1 ,i have only troubled the reader4 ,i will only add1 that the ceremony of serving chocolate was never such a solemnity in ,england as in ,france4 ,in the latter country1 as late as the days of ,louis ,,xvi41 a 8man of condition0 required no less than four footmen1 each with two watches in his fob1 according to the fashion1 to help him to take a single cup of chocolate4 ,one bore the tray1 and one the chocolate-pot1 a third presented the cup1 and a fourth stood in waiting with a napkin6--and all this coil to carry a morning draught to a poor wretch1 whose red heels to his shoes were symbols of the rank which gave him the privilege of being helpless4 ,the old coffee-houses were not simply resorts for the critics1 the politicians1 and the fine gentlemen4 ,gay1 writing to ,congreve1 in #agae1 says1 8,amidst clouds of tobacco1 at a coffee-house1 ,i write this letter4 ,there is a grand revolution at ,will's4 ,moira has quitted for a coffee-house in the ,city2 and ,titcomb is restored1 to the great joy of ,cromwell1 who was at a great loss for a person to converse with upon the ,fathers and church history4 ,the knowledge ,i gain from him is entirely in painting and poetry2 and ,mr4 ,pope owes all his skill in astronomy to him and ,mr4 ,whiston40 ,pope learnt his astronomy by the assistance of what ,moore calls1 8the sun of the table20 for1 adding a postscript to ,gay's letter to ,congreve1 he says1 8,i sit up till two o'clock1 over ,burgundy and ,champagne40 ,ten years before1 the coffee-house and ,london life had less charms for him4 ,witness the paragraph in the letter to ,wycherley1 in #agje1 to this effect3 8,i have now changed the scene from town to country1--from ,will's ,coffee-house to ,windsor ,forest4 ,i found no other difference than this betwixt the common town wits and the downright country fools1--that the first are partly in the wrong1 with a little more flourish and gaiety2 and the last1 neither in the right nor the wrong1 but confirmed in a stupid settled medium1 betwixt both40 ,but1 ten years later than the period of ,pope's postscript to ,congreve1 in which he boasted of sitting over wine during the 8wee short hours ayont the twal'10 as ,burns calls them1 we find the boaster stricken4 ,swift1 writing to him1 in #agbf1 remarks1 8,i always apprehend most for you after a great dinner2 for the least transgression of yours1 if it be only two bits and one sup more than your stint1 is a great debauch1 for which you certainly pay more than those sots who are carried drunk to bed40 ,in ,england1 the chocolate and coffee-houses were not confined to the metropolis and its rather rakish inhabitants4 ,the ,universities had their coffee-houses1 as ,london had2 and the company there1 albeit alumni of the various ,colleges1 do not appear to have been remarkable for refinement4 ,dr4 ,ewins1 at ,cambridge1 in the last century1 acquired the ill-will both of ,town and ,gown for exercising a sort of censorship over their conduct4 ,according to ,cole1 the ,antiquary1 they needed it2 for he says1 with especial allusion to the ,undergraduates1 that 8they never were more licentious1 riotous1 and debauched4 ,they often broke the ,doctor's windows10 he adds1 8as they said he had been caught listening on their staircases and 7at their7 doors40 ,the ,doctor1 like his adversaries1 was in the habit of visiting the ,union ,coffee-house1 opposite ,st4 ,radigund's 7or ,jesus7 lane1--a fashionable rendezvous4 ,he was there one night about ,christmas1 #agga1 or ,january1 #aggb1 8when some ,fellow-,commoners1 who owed him a grudge1 sitting in the box near him1 in order to affront him1 pretended to call their dog #8,squintum1' and frequently repeated the name very loudly in the coffee-house2 and1 in their joviality1 swore many oaths1 and caressed their dog4 ,dr4 ,ewin1 as did his father1 squinted very much1 as did ,whitefield1 the ,methodist teacher1 who was vulgarly called ,dr4 ,squintum1 from the blemish in his eyes4 ,dr4 ,ewin was sufficiently mortified to be so affronted in public4 ,however1 he carefully marked down the number of oaths sworn by these gentlemen1 whom he made to pay severely the penalty of five shillings for each oath1 which amounted to a good round sum40 ,the next week1 ballad-singers sang1 in the streets of ,cambridge1 a ballad1 which they gave away to all who would accept a copy1 and from which the following verses are extracted4 ,they will show--if nothing else--that the ,university coffee-house poet was less elegant than ,horace1 and that the 8well of ,english0 into which he had dipped was not altogether 8undefiled30-- 8,of all the blockheads in the ,town1 ,that strut and bully up and down1 ,and bring complaints against the ,gown1 ,there's none like ,dr4 ,squintum4 8,with gimlet eyes and dapper wig1 ,this ,justice thinks he looks so big3 ,a most infernal stupid gig ,is this same ,dr4 ,squintum4 8,what pedlar can forbear to grin1 ,before his ,worship that has been1 ,to think what folly lurks within ,this ,just ,ass ,dr4 ,squintum80 ,old ,ren d',anjou used to say1 that1 as soon as a man had breakfasted1 it was his bounden duty to devote himself to the great business of the day1--think of dinner4 ,we will in some wise follow the instructions given1--first1 however1 saying a word or two upon ,french coffee-houses1 and then upon those who naturally take precedence of 8dinners10--the cooks by whom dinners are prepared4 ,,the ,,french ,,caf,s4 ,in the reign of ,louis ,,xv4 there were not less than six hundred cafs in ,paris4 ,london1 at the same period1 could not count as many dozens4 ,under ,louis ,napoleon1 the cafs have reached to the amazing number of between three and four thousand4 ,all these establishments acknowledge the ,caf ,procope as the founder of the dynasty1 although1 indeed1 there were coffee-vendors in ,paris before the time of the accomplished ,sicilian4 8,vixerunt fortes ante ,agamemnona40 ,the consumption of coffee in ,paris1 at the period of the breaking out of the ,revolution1 was something enormous4 ,the ,french ,west-,indian ,islands furnished eighty millions of pounds annually1 and this was irrespective of what was derived from the ,east4 ,the two sources together were not sufficient to supply the kingdom4 ,thence adulterations1 fortunes to the adulterators1 and that supremacy of chicory1 which has destroyed the well-earned reputation of ,french coffee4 ,i have already spoken of the ,caf ,procope1 and here ,i will only add an anecdote illustrative of the scenes that sometimes occurred there1 and of the national character generally in the reign of ,louis ,,xv4 ,one afternoon that ,m4 de ,saint ,foix was seated at his usual table1 an officer of the ,king's ,body-,guard entered1 sat down1 and ordered 8a cup of coffee1 with milk1 and a roll10 adding1 8,it will serve me for a dinner60 ,at this ,saint ,foix remarked aloud1 that 8a cup of coffee1 with milk1 and a roll1 was a confoundedly poor dinner40 ,the officer remonstrated2 ,saint ,foix reiterated his remark1 and again and again declared1 that nothing the gallant officer could say to the contrary1 would convince him that a cup of coffee1 with milk1 and a roll1 was not a confoundedly poor dinner4 ,thereupon a challenge was given and accepted1 and the whole of the persons present adjourned as spectators of a fight1 which ended by ,saint ,foix receiving a wound in the arm4 8,that is all very well10 said the wounded combatant2 8but ,i call you to witness1 gentlemen1 that ,i am still profoundly convinced1 that a cup of coffee1 with milk1 and a roll1 is a confoundedly poor dinner60 ,at this moment1 the principals were arrested1 and carried before the ,duke de ,noailles1 in whose presence ,saint ,foix1 without waiting to be questioned1 said1 8,monseigneur1 ,i had not the slightest intention of offending the gallant officer1 who1 ,i doubt not1 is an honourable man2 but ,your ,excellency can never prevent my asserting1 that a cup of coffee1 with milk1 and a roll1 is a confoundedly poor dinner40 8,why1 so it is10 said the ,duke4 8,then ,i am not in the wrong10 remarked ,saint ,foix2 8and a cup of coffee10----at these words ,magistrates1 delinquents1 and auditory1 burst into a roar of laughter1 and the antagonists became friends4 ,it was a more bloodless issue than that which occurred to ,michel ,lepelletier1 in later years1 at the ,caf ,fvrier4 ,he was seated at dinner there1 when an ex-garde-du-corps1 named ,paris1 approached him1 inquired if he were the ,lepelletier who had voted for the death of ,louis ,,xvi41 and1 receiving an affirmative reply1 drew forth a dagger1 and swiftly slew him on the spot4 ,before ,procope1 the ,armenian1 ,pascal1 sold coffee at the ,fair of ,st4 ,germain1 at three-halfpence a cup2 and the beverage was sung by the poet ,thomas in terms not exactly like those with which ,delille subsequently sang the virtues of the tree4 ,the ,french coffee-houses at once gained the popularity to which they aspired4 ,to ,pascal succeeded ,maliban1 and then ,gregoire opened his establishment in the ,rue ,mazarin1 in the vicinity of players and play-goers4 ,at the same time1 there was a man in ,paris1 called 8the lame ,candiot10 who carried ready-made coffee about from door to door1 and sold it for a penny per cup1 sugar included4 ,the caf at the foot of the bridge of ,notre-,dame was founded by ,joseph2 that at the foot of the bridge of ,st4 ,michel1 by ,etienne2 and both of these are more ancient than that of ,procope1 who was the first1 however1 who made a fortune by his speculation4 ,the ,quai de l',ecole had its establishment1 7the ,caf ,manoury17 which ,i believe still exists1 as does the ,caf de la ,rgence1 which dates from the time of the ,regent ,duke of ,orleans1 and where ,rousseau used to play at chess1 and appear in his ,armenian costume4 ,it was also frequented1 incog41 by the ,emperor ,joseph4 ,the oldest caf in the ,palais ,royal is the celebrated ,caf de ,foy1 so called from the name of its founder4 ,carl ,vernet was one of its most constant patrons4 ,he was there on one occasion1 when some repairs were going on1 and1 in his impatience1 he flung a wet colouring brush from him1 which struck the ceiling and left a spot4 ,he immediately ascended the ladder1 and with a touch of his finger converted the stain into a swallow2 and his handywork was still to be seen on the ceiling1 when ,i was last in ,paris4 ,it was before the ,caf de ,foy that ,camille ,desmoulins harangued the mob1 in ,july1 #aghi1 with such effect1 that they took up arms1 destroyed the ,bastille1 and inaugurated the ,revolution4 ,the ,caf de ,valois will long be remembered for its aristocratic character2 that of ,montansier1 on the other hand1 was remarkable for the coarseness of its frequenters1 and the violence with which they discussed politics1 especially at the period of the ,restoration4 ,the ,caf du ,caveau was more joyously noisy with its gay artists and broad songs4 ,the ,empire brought two establishments into popular favour1 both of which appealed to the lovers of beauty as well as of coffee4 ,the first was the ,caf du ,bosquet1 and the second the ,caf des ,mille ,colonnes4 ,each was celebrated for the magnificent attractions of the presiding lady1--the belle limonadire1 as she was at first called1 or the dame du comptoir1 as refinement chose to name her4 ,madame ,romain1 at the ,mille ,colonnes1 had a longer reign than her rival2 and the lady was altogether a more remarkable person4 ,in the reign of ,louis ,,xviii41 her seat was composed of the throne of ,jerome1 ,king of ,westphalia1--which was sold by auction on the bankruptcy of his ,majesty4 ,madame ,romain descended from it1 like a weary ,queen1 to take refuge in a nunnery2 and1 curiously enough1 the ex-,king has recovered his 8throne10 which now figures1 in the reduced aspect of a simple arm-chair1 in the salon of his residence at the ,palais ,royal4 ,after the abdication of ,madame ,romain1 the ,mille ,colonnes endeavoured to secure success by very meretricious means4 ,girls of a brazen quality of beauty bore through the apartments flaming bowls of punch1 usually taken after the coffee2 and the beverage and the bearers were equally bad4 ,as the ,caf ,chrtien was once thoroughly ,jacobin1 so the ,caf ,lemblin became entirely ,imperial1 and was the focus of the ,opposition after the return of the ,bourbons4 ,it was famous for its chocolate1 as well as for its coffee4 ,when the ,allies were at ,paris1 it was hardly safe for the officers to enter the ,caf ,lemblin1 and many scenes of violence are described as having occurred there1 and many a duel was fought with fatal effect1 after a caf dispute between ,french and foreign officers1--and all for national honour4 ,the ,bourbon officers were far more insulting in the cafs to the ex-imperial 8braves10 than the latter were to the invading ,captains1--and they generally paid dearly for their temerity4 ,finally1--for to name all the cafs in ,paris1 would require an encyclopdia1--it is worthy of notice that ,tortoni's1 which is now a grave adjunct to the ,bourse1 first achieved success by the opposite process of billiard-playing4 ,a broken-down provincial advocate1 ,spolar of ,rennes1 came to ,paris with a bad character1 and a capital cue2 and the latter he handled so wonderfully at the ,caf ,tortoni1 that all ,paris went to witness his feats4 ,talleyrand patronized him1 backed his playing1 and gained no inconsiderable sum by the cue-driving of ,spolar1 whose star culminated when he was appointed 8,professor of ,billiards to ,queen ,hortense10--an appointment which sounds strange1 but which was thought natural enough at the time2 and1 considering all things1 so it was4 ,there is one feature in the ,french cafs which strikes an observer as he first contemplates it4 ,i allude to the intensity1 gravity1 and extent of the domino-playing4 ,a quartett party will spend half the evening at this mystery1 with nothing to enliven it but the gentlest of conversation1 and the lightest of beer1 or a simple petit verre4 ,the ,government wisely thinks that a grave domino-player can be given to neither immorality nor conspiracies4 ,but a ,british ,government proudly scorns to tolerate such insipidities in ,britons4 ,british tradesmen1 at the end of the day1 may be perfectly idle1 spout blasphemy1 and get as drunk as they please1 in any ,london tavern1 provided they do not therewith break the peace2 but1 let the reprobates only remain obstinately sober1 and play at dominoes1 then they offend the immaculate justice of ,justices1 and landlords and players are liable to be fined4 ,so1 on ,sabbath nights1 the working-classes have thrown open to their edification the gin-palaces1 which invite not in vain2 but if one of these same classes should1 on the same ,sunday evening1 knock at the religiously-closed door of a so-called free library1 the secretary's maid who answers the appeal would be pale with horror at the atrocity of the applicant4 ,and what is the bewildered ,briton to do8 ,he looks in at church1 where1 if there be a few free seats1 they have a look about them so as to make him understand that he is in his fustian1 and that he and the miserable sinners in their fine cloth are not on an equality in the house of ,god2 and so he turns sighingly away1 and goes where the law allows him1--to the house of gin4 ,but1 leaving the further consideration of these matters to my readers1 let us now address ourselves to the sketching of a class whose most illustrious members have borne witness to their own excellency1 not exactly according to the fashion spoken of by ,shakspeare2 namely1 by putting a strange face on their own perfection4 ,,the ,,ancient ,,cook1 ,,and ,,his ,,art4 ,it is an incontestable fact1 that he who lives soberly does not depend upon his cook for the pleasure which he derives from his repast4 ,nevertheless1 the cook is one of the most important of personages2 and even appetite1 without him1 would not be of the value that it is at present4 ,a great artiste knows his vocation4 ,when the cook of ,louis ,,xviii4 was reproached1 by ,his ,majesty's ,physician1 with ruining the royal health by savoury juices1 the dignitary of the kitchen sententiously remarked1 that it was the office of the cook to supply ,his ,majesty with pleasant dishes1 and that it was the duty of the doctor to enable the ,king to digest them4 ,the division of labour1 and the responsibilities of office1 could not have been better defined4 ,from old times the cook has had a proper sense of the solemn importance of his wonderful art4 ,the ,coquus ,gloriosus1 in a fragment of ,philemon1 shows us what these artists were in the very olden time4 ,he swears by ,minerva that he is delighted at his success1 and that he cooked a fish so exquisitely1 that it returned him admiring and grateful looks from the frying-pan6 ,he had not covered it with grated cheese1 not disguised it with sauce2 but he had treated it with such daintiness and delicacy1 that1 even when fully cooked1 it lay on the dish as fresh-looking as if it had just been taken from the lake4 ,this result seems to have been a rarity2 for1 when the fish was served up at table1 the delighted guests tore it from one another1 and a running struggle was kept up around the board to get possession of this exquisitely prepared morceau4 8,and yet10 says the cook1 8,i had nothing better to exhibit my talent upon than a wretched river fish1 nourished in mud4 ,but1 ,o ,jupiter ,saviour6 if ,i had only had at my disposal some of the fish of ,attica or ,argos1 or a conger from pleasant ,sicyon1 like those which ,neptune serves to the gods in ,olympus1 why1 the guests would have thought they had become divinities themselves4 ,yes10 adds the culinary boaster1 8,i think ,i may say that ,i have discovered the principle of immortality1 and that the odour of my dishes would recall life into the nostrils of the very dead40 ,the resonant vaunt is not unlike that of ,bchamel1 who said that1 with the sauce that he had invented1 a man would experience nothing but delight in eating his own grandfather6 ,hegesippus further illustrates the vanity of the genus coquorum of his days4 ,in a dialogue between ,syrus and his chef1 the master declares that the culinary art appears to have reached its limit1 and that he would fain hear something novel upon the subject4 ,the cook's reply admits us to an insight into ancient manners4 8,i am not one of those fellows10 says the personage in question1 8who are content to suppose that they learn their art by wearing an apron for a couple of years4 ,my study of the art has not been superficial3 it has been the work of my life2 and ,i have learned the use and appliances of every herb that grows--for kitchen purposes4 ,but ,i especially shine in getting up funeral dinners4 ,when the mourners have returned from the doleful ceremony1 it is ,i who introduce them to the mitigated affliction department4 ,while they are yet in their mourning attire1 ,i lift the lids of my kettles1 and straightway the weepers begin to laugh4 ,they sit down with their senses so enchanted1 that every guest fancies himself at a wedding4 ,if ,i can only have all ,i require1 ,syrus10 adds the artist1 8if my kitchen be only properly furnished1 you will see renewed the scenes which used to take place on the coasts frequented by the ,syrens4 ,it will be impossible for any one to pass the door2 all who scent the process will be compelled1 despite themselves1 to stop4 ,there they will stand1 mute1 open-mouthed1 and nostrils extended2 nor will it be possible to make them #8move on1' unless the police1 coming to their aid1 shut out the irresistible scent by plugging their noses40 ,posidippus shows us a classical master-cook instructing his pupils4 ,leucon is the name of the teacher2 and the first truth he impresses on his young friend is1 that the most precious sauce for the purpose of a cook is impudence4 8,boast away10 he says1 8and never be tired of it40 ,for1 as he logically remarks1 8if there be many a ,captain under whose dragon-embossed cuirass lies a poor hare1 why should not we1 who kill hares1 pass for better than we are1 like the ,captains80 8,a modest cook must be looked on10 he says1 8as a contradiction in nature4 ,if he be hired out to cook a dinner in another man's house1 he will only get considered in proportion to his impudence and overbearing conduct4 ,if he be quiet and modest1 he will be held as a pitiful cook40 ,alexis1 another artist1 takes other and higher ground4 ,he says1 that in all the arts the resulting pleasure does not depend solely on those who exercise the art2 there must be others who possess the science of enjoyment4 ,this is true2 and ,alexis further adds1 that the guest who keeps a dinner waiting1 or a master who suddenly demands it before its time1 are alike enemies to the art which ,alexis professes4 ,the earthly paradise of the early cooks was1 unquestionably1 among the ,sybarites1--the people to whom the crumpling of a rose under the side on which they lay1 gave exquisite pain4 ,they were as self-luxurious as though the world was made for them alone1 and they and the world were intended to last for ever4 ,they would not admit into their city any persons whose professions entailed noise in the practice of them3 the trunkmaker at the corner of ,st4 ,paul's would have been flogged to death with thistle-down1 if he had carried on his trade in ,sybaris for an hour1 and if a ,sybarite could have been found with energy enough to wield the instrument of execution6 ,the crowing of one of the proscribed race of cocks once put all the gentlemen of the city into fits2 and1 on another occasion1 a ,sybarite telling a friend how his nerves had been shaken by hearing the tools of some labouring men in another country strike against each other1 at their work1 the friend was so overcome1 that he merely exclaimed1 8,good gracious60 and fainted away4 ,athenus1 borrowing1 if ,i remember rightly1 from one of the authors whose works were in that ,alexandrian library1 the destruction of which by the ,caliph ,omar1 ,dr4 ,cumming tells us in his 8,finger of ,god10 is a circumstance at which he is rather glad than sorry1--,athenus mentions the visit of a ,sybarite to ,sparta1 where he was invited to one of the public dinners1 at which the citizens ate very black broth1 in common1 out of wooden bowls4 ,having tasted the national diet1 he feebly uttered the ,sybaritic expression for 8,stap my vitals60 and convulsively remarked1 that 8he no longer wondered why the ,lacedmonians sought death in battle1 seeing that such a fate was preferable to life with such broth60 ,certainly the public repasts of the ,sybarites were of another quality4 ,the giver of such repasts was enrolled among the benefactors of their country1 and the cook who had distinguished himself was invested with a golden crown1 and an opera ticket2 that is1 free admission to those public games where hired dancers voluptuously perverted time and the human form divine4 ,i am afraid that all cooks in remote ages enjoyed but an indifferent reputation1 and thoroughly deserved what they enjoyed4 ,the comic ,dionysius introduces one of the succulent brotherhood1 impressing upon a young apprentice the propriety of stealing in houses where they were hired to cook dinners4 ,the instruction is worthy of ,professor ,fagan of the ,saffron-,hill ,university4 8,whatever you can prig10 says the elder rogue1 8belongs to yourself1 as long as you are in the house4 ,when you get past the porter into the street1 it then becomes my property4 ,so fake away6 7 ' 17 and look out for unconnected trifles40 ,and yet ,athenus asserts that nothing has so powerfully contributed to instil piety into the souls of men1 as good cookery6 ,his proof is1 that when men devoured each other1 they were beasts1--which is a self-evident proposition2 but that when they took to cooked meats1 and were particular with regard to these1 why1 then alone they began to live cleanly1--which is a proposition by no means so self-evident4 ,in his opinion1 a man to be supremely happy only needed the gift of ,ceres to ,pandora1--a good appetite1 and an irreproachable indigestion4 ,these are1 doubtless1 great portions of happiness2 and if felicity can do without them1--which is questionable1--where they are not1 comfort is absent1 and a good conscience is hardly a sufficient compensation4 ,if ,sybaris was the paradise of cooks1 ,lacedmon was their purgatory4 ,they were blamed if men grew fat on their diet1 and plump children were legally condemned to get spare again upon their gruel4 ,the ,romans1 again1 restored the cook to his proper place in society4 ,he might be still a slave1 and so were greater men than he2 but he was the confidant of his master1 and there were not a few who would have exchanged their liberty for such a post and chains4 ,and who dare affirm that the coquus was not an officer of distinction8 ,he who knows how to prepare food for digestion and delight1 is a greater man1 in one particular at least1 than ,achilles1 who could go no farther in culinary science than turning the spit2 than ,ulysses1 who could light fires and lay cloths with the dexterity of a ,frankfort waiter2 or than ,patroclus1 who could draw wine and drink it1 but who knew no more how to make a stew1 than he did how to solve the logarithms of ,napier4 ,when it is asserted that it was ,cadmus1 the grandfather of ,bacchus1 who first taught men how to eat as civilized beings should1 it is thereby further intimated that good eating should be followed by good drinking4 ,we have heard of cooks in monasteries who made dissertations on eternal flames by the heat of their own fires3 so ,timachidas1 of ,rhodes1 made patties and poetry at the same stove1 and both after a fashion to please their several admirers4 ,artemidorus was the ,dr4 ,johnson of his own art1 and wrote a ,kitchen ,lexicon for the benefit of students4 ,sicily especially was celebrated for its literary cooks1 and ,mithcus wrote a treatise on the art2 while ,archestratus1 the ,syracusan1 looking into causes and effects1 meditated on stomachs as well as sauces1 and first showed how digestion might be taught to wait on appetite4 ,then theoretical laymen came in to the aid of the practical cook1 and gastronomists hit upon all sorts of strange ideas to help them to renewed enjoyments4 ,pithyllus1 for instance1 invented a sheath for the tongue1 in order that he might swallow the hottest viands faster than other guests1 who wisely preferred rather to slowly please the palate than suddenly satisfy the stomach4 ,it is of ,pithyllus the ,dainty1 that it is related how1 after meals1 he used to clean his tongue by rubbing it with a piece of rough fish-skin2 and his taking up hot viands with his hand1 like that of ,gtz von ,berlichingen1 encased in a glove1 is cited as proof that the ,greeks used no forks4 ,the spoons of the ,romans had a pointed end1 at the extremity of the handle1 for the purpose of picking fish from the shell4 ,then came the age when1 if men had not appetites of nature's making1 they were made for them by the cooks2 and the latter1 in return1 were crowned with flowers by the guests who had eaten largely1 and had no fears of indigestion4 ,the inventor of a new dish had a patent for its exclusive preparation for a year4 ,but ere that time it had probably been forgotten in something more novel discovered by a ,sicilian rival2 for the ,greeks looked on ,sicily as the ,parisians of the last century used to look on ,languedoc1--as the only place on earth where cooks were born and bred1 and were worth the paying4 ,the artists of both countries1 and of the opposite ages mentioned1 were especially skilled in the preparation of materials which were made to appear the things they were not2 and a seemingly grand dinner of fish1 flesh1 and fowl1 was really fashioned out of the supplies furnished by the kitchen-garden4 ,the ,greeks1 however1 never descended to the bad taste of which the diarists of the last century show the ,french to have been guilty2 namely1 in having wooden joints1 carved and painted1 placed upon their tables for show4 ,artificial flowers may be tolerated1 but an artificial sirloin1 made of a block of deal1 would be very intolerable board indeed1 particularly to the hungry guests1 who saw the seemingly liberal fare1 but who could make very little of the deal before them4 ,in ,sicily1 the goddess of good cheer1 ,adephagia1 had her especial altars1 and thence1 perhaps1 the estimation in which the ,sicilian cooks were held1 who prayed to her for inspiration4 ,her ministers were paid salaries as rich as the sauces they invented4 ,something like #hjj per annum formed the honorarium of the learned and juicy gentleman4 ,but he was not always to be had1 even at that price2 and the disgusted ,languedocien who would not remain in the cuisine of the ,duke of ,richmond1 when ,governor of ,ireland1 for the sufficient reason that there was no ,opera in ,dublin1 had his prototype among his ,sicilian predecessors4 ,the jealousy of the culinary bondsman in ,greek households against the free cook from ,sicily1 must have been sometimes deadly in its results4 ,the best-feed cook on record is the happy mortal to whom his master ,antony gave a city1 because he had cooked a repast which had called forth encomium from that dreadful jade1 ,cleopatra4 ,but money was the last thing thought of by the wearied epicures of ,rome1 especially when what they gave belonged to somebody else4 ,when ,lucullus spent #a1jjj sterling on a snug dinner for three1--himself1 ,csar1 and ,pompey1--he doubtless spent his creditors' money2 at least1 extravagant people generally do4 ,claudius dined often with six hundred guests1 and the ,roman people paid the cooks4 ,the dinners of ,vitellius cost that sacrilegious feeder upwards of #c1jjj each1 but the bills were discharged by a levy on the public pocket4 ,when ,tiberius ordered several thousands sterling to be bestowed on the author of a piece wherein every thing eatable was made to speak wittily1 the author was really paid out of the popular pocket2 and when ,geta insisted on having as many courses at each repast as there were letters in the alphabet1 and all the viands at each course so named that their initials should be the same as that of the course itself1 he was the last person who troubled himself about the payment for such extravagance4 ,the cooks of such epicures must necessarily1 however1 have been as despotic in the kitchen as their lord was in the saloon4 ,the slaves there1 who hurried to and fro1 bearing their tributes of good things from the market-place1 or distributing them according to his bidding1 obeyed the cook's very nod1 nay1 anticipated his very wishes4 ,they were1 in fact1 the ministers of an awful ,sovereign4 ,the cook was their ,lord paramount4 ,the stewards possessed no little power2 but when the fires were lighted1 and the dinner had to be thought of1 the head cook was the kitchen ,jupiter2 and when he spoke1 obedience1 silence1 and trembling followed upon his word4 ,from his raised platform1 the ,archimagirus1 as he was called1 could overlook all the preparations1 and with his tremendous spoon of office he could break the heads of his least skilful disciples1 and taste the sauces seething in the remotest saucepans4 ,the effect must have been quite pantomimic2 and to complete it1 there was only wanted a crash of discordant music to accompany the rapid descent of the gigantic spoon upon the skull or ribs of an offender4 ,the work was done in presence of the gods1 and scullions blew the fires under the gaze of the ,lares1--sooty divinities to whom1 the legend says1 inferior cooks were sometimes sacrificed in the month of ,december4 8,but10 as ,othello says1 8that's a fable60 ,great ,roman kitchens were as well worth seeing1 and perhaps were as often inspected by the curious and privileged1 as that of the ,reform ,club4 8,order reigned0 there quite as much as it did1 according to ,marshal ,sebastiani1 at ,warsaw1 amid the most abject slavery4 ,art and costliness were lavished upon the vessels1 but the human beings there were exactly the things that were made the least account of4 ,no doubt that the triumph of the art of the cook consisted in serving up an entire pig at once roasted and boiled4 ,the elder ,disraeli has shown from ,archestratus how this was done4 8,the animal had been bled to death by a wound under the shoulder1 whence1 after copious effusion1 the master-cook extracted the entrails1 washed them with wine1 and hanged the animal by the feet4 ,he crammed down the throat the stuffings already prepared4 ,then1 covering the half of the pig with a paste of barley thickened with wine and oil1 he put it in a small oven1 or on a heated table of brass1 where it was gently roasted with all due care4 ,when the skin was browned1 he boiled the other side1 and then1 taking away the barley paste1 the pig was served up1 at once boiled and roasted40 ,and such was the way by which the best of cooks spoiled the best of pigs4 ,according to ,plautus1 cooks alone were privileged in the old days to carry knives in their girdles4 ,in the 8,aulularia10 old ,euclio says to ,congrio1 the cook1 8,ad tres viros jam ego deferam tuum nomen10--8,i'll go and inform against you to the ,magistrates40 8,why so80 asks ,congrio4 8,because you carry a knife10--8,quia cultrum habes40 8,well10 says the artist1 standing on his rights1 8cocum decet10 8it is the sign of my profession40 ,from another of the many cooks of ,plautus we learn1 in the 8,menchmei10 that1 when a parasite was at table1 his appetite was reckoned as equivalent to that of eight guests2 and when ,cylindrus is ordered to prepare a dinner for ,menchmus1 his 8lady10 and the official parasite1 8,then10 says the cook1 8that's as good as ten2 for your parasite does the work of eight30-- 8,jam isti sunt decem1 ,nam parasitus octo hominum munus facile fungitur40 ,the musicians would appear to have lived as pleasantly as the parasites4 ,simo remarks to ,tranio1 in the 8,mostellaria10 that he lives on the best the cooks and vintners can procure for him1--a real fiddler's destiny3-- 8,musice hercle agitis tatem3 ita ut vos decet4 ,vino et victu1 piscatu probe electili1 ,vitam colitis40 ,stalino complains in the 8,casina10 that1 clever as cooks are1 they cannot put a little essence of love into all their dishes1--a sauce1 he says1 that would please everybody4 ,their reputation in ,rome for stealing was much the same as that enjoyed by their ,grecian brethren4 ,the scene of the 8,casina10 indeed1 is in ,athens2 but ,olympio utters a ,roman sentiment when he says1 that cooks use their hands as much for larceny as cookery1 and that wherever they are they bring double ruin1 through extravagance and robbery1 upon their masters3 8,ubi sunt1 duplici damno dominos multant40 ,this is further proved by the speech of ,epidicus1 in the comedy so called1 where that slave-cook speaks of his master's purse as if it were game1 to disembowel which1 he says1 he will use his professional knife3-- 8,acutum cultrum habeo1 senis qui exenterem ,marsupium40 ,we learn something of the pay of a cook from a speech of one of the craft1 in the 8,pseudolus40 ,ballio1 seeing a single practitioner remaining in the square to be hired1 asks how it is that he has not been engaged4 8,eloquar10 says the cook1 8here is the reason3-- 8,he who1 now-a-days1 comes here to hire cooks1 ,no longer seeks the best1 that is1 the dearest1 ,but some poor spoil-sauce who for nothing works4 ,therefore you see me here alone to-day4 ,a poor drachma hath my brethren purchased2 ,but under a crown ,i cook a dish for no man4 ,for 'twixt the common herd and me1 you see1 ,there is a diff'rence3 they into a dish ,fling whole meadows1 and the guests they treat1 ,sir1 ,as though they were but oxen out at grass4 ,herbs season they with herbs1 and grass with grass2 ,and in the mess1 garlic1 coriander1 fennel1 ,sorrel1 rochet1 beet-root1 leeks1 and greens1 ,all go together1 with a pound of benzoin1 ,and mustard ditto1 that compels the tears ,from out the eyes of those that have to mix it4 99 99 99 99 99 8,if men are short-lived now1 the reason's plain3 ,they put death into their stomachs1 and so ,of indigestion and bad cookery die4 ,their sauces but to think of1 makes me shudder2 ,yet men will eat what asses would not bend to4 99 99 99 99 99 8,who of my dishes eats1 obtains at least ,two hundred happy years of life renew'd4 ,i season ,neptune's fishes with a juice ,made up of ,cicilindrum1 ,muscadel1 ,sipolindrum1 and ,sancapatides4 ,the odour of my mutton1 nicely stuffed ,with ,cicimandrum1 ,nappalopsides1 ,and of ,cataractaria a pinch1 ,feeds ,jupiter himself1 who1 when ,i rest1 ,sleeps on ,olympus1 sad and supperless4 ,as for my potions1 he who deeply drinks1 ,gulps with the draught the gift of endless youth40 ,finally1 after inventing the above names unpronounceable of sauces that do not exist1 the boaster adds1 that his fee is a crown1 provided he is not overlooked2 but that if there be supervision to check him in his perquisites1 he is not to be hired under a mina3-- 8,si credis1 nummos2 si non1 ne mina quidem60 ,i do not know if cooks more especially used different fingers in mingling their sauces1 according as they were employed on wedding banquets1 martial feasts1 senatorial entertainments1 al-fresco djeuners1 or commercial suppers2 but certain it is1 that the fingers were sacred to diverse deities4 ,the thumb was devoted to ,venus1 the index finger to ,mars1 the longest finger to ,saturn1 the next to the ,sun1 and the little finger to ,mercury4 ,i conclude with a remark that ,i hope will be gratifying to all culinary artists who respect themselves and their calling1 and who are anxious to prove that their vocation is of ancient and honourable descent4 ,cadmus1 who introduced letters into ,greece1 had formerly been cook to the ,king of ,sidon4 ,thus learning ascended to us from the kitchen2 and to the ex-cook of the ,king of ,sidon we perhaps owe all the epics that have ever been written4 ,by this genealogy1 even 8,paradise ,lost0 may be traced to the patties of ,cadmus4 ,but cooks in ,england may boast of a noblesse de cuisine1 which dates from the ,norman ,conquest4 ,when ,william1 who wooed his wife ,matilda by knocking her down1 had established himself in ,england1 he gave a banquet1 at which his cook1 ,tezelin1 served a new white soup of such exquisite flavour1 that ,william sent for the artist1 and inquired its name4 8,i call it ,dillegrout10 said ,tezelin4 8,a scurvy name for so good a soup10 said the ,conqueror2 8but let that pass4 ,we make you ,lord of the ,manor of ,addington60 ,thus modern cooks may boast of a descent from the landed aristocracy of the ,conquest6 ,some of their masters cannot do as much2 and this1 perhaps1 accounts for the pride of the one1 and the simplicity of the other4 ,,the ,,modern ,,cook1 ,,and ,,his ,,science4 ,if it were necessary that the cook of the ancient world should be a ,sicilian1 and that the cuisinier of the ancient rgime should be of ,languedoc1 7the native place of 8blanc manger107 so in these modern times he alone is considered a true graduate in the noble science de la gueule who is a ,gaul by birth1 or who has gone through his studies in the ,university of ,french ,kitchens4 ,in ,england1 it must be confessed that great cooks have formed the exception rather than the rule2 and that our native culinary literature1 however interesting in certain national details1 is chiefly based upon a ,french foundation4 ,and yet we may boast of some native professors who were illustrious in their way4 ,master ,john ,murrel1 for instance1 wrote a cookery book in #afcj1 and dedicated it to the daughter of the ,lord ,mayor4 ,he starts by asserting that cookery books generally mar rather than make good meats2 and then shows what good meats were in his estimation1 by teaching how to dress 8minced bullock's kidney1 a rack of veal1 a farced leg of mutton1 an umble pie1 and a chewit of stockfish40 ,he is succulently eloquent on a compound production1 consisting of marrow bones1 a leg of mutton1 fowls and pullets1 and a dozen larks1 all in one dish4 ,the ,duke of ,newcastle1 in the last century1 had a female cook of some renown1 named 8,chloe40 ,general ,guise1 at the siege of ,carthagena1 saw some wild fowl on the wing1 and1 amid the din of war1 he thought of 8,chloe0 and her sauces4 ,she was famous for her stewed mushrooms1 and there is an anecdote connected therewith that will bear repeating4 8,poor ,dr4 ,shaw10 writes ,horace ,walpole1 8being sent for in great haste to ,claremont1 7it seems the ,duchess had caught a violent cold by a hair of her own whisker getting up her nose1 and making her sneeze17 the poor ,doctor1 ,i say1 having eaten a few mushrooms before he set out1 was taken so ill that he was forced to stop at ,kingston2 and1 being carried to the first apothecary's1 prescribed a medicine for himself which immediately cured him4 ,this catastrophe so alarmed the ,duke of ,newcastle1 that he immediately ordered all the mushroom-beds to be destroyed2 and even the toadstools in the park did not escape scalping in this general measure4 ,and a voice of lamentation was heard at ,ramah in ,claremont1 #8,chloe' weeping for her mushrooms1 and they are not60 ,but1 let us turn to trace lightly the genealogy of the cooks of modern times4 ,the descent of the barbarians from the north was the ruin of cooks as well as of ,kings1 of kitchens as well as constitutions4 ,many of the cooks of the classic period were slain like the ,druid ,priests at the fire of their own altars4 ,a patriotic few fled rather than feed the invader2 and the servile souls who tremblingly offered to prepare a fricasse of ostrich brains for the ,northmen1 were dismissed with contempt by warrior princes1 who lived on under-done beef1 and very much of it6 ,but as sure as the ,saxon blood beats out the ,norman1 so does good cookery prevail over barbarous appetites4 ,the old cooks were a sacred race1 whose heirs took up the mission of their sires4 ,this mission was so far triumphant1 that1 at the period of ,charlemagne1 the imperial kitchen recognised in its chef the representative of the ,emperor4 ,the oriental pheasant and the peacock1 in all the glories of expanded tail1 took the place1 or appeared at the side1 of coarser viands4 ,the dignity and the mirth of ,charlemagne's table were heightened by the presence of ladies4 ,brillat de ,savarin states1 that since that period the presence of the fair sex has ever been a law of society4 ,but in this he errs2 for the ,marquis de ,bouill1 in his admirable work on the ,dukes of ,guise1 affirms that the good civilizing custom had fallen into disuse1 but that a permanent improvement was commenced in the reign of ,francis ,i41 when the ,cardinal of ,lorraine induced that ,monarch to invite ladies to be present at all entertainments given at ,court4 ,society followed the fashion of the ,sovereign2 and as it used to be said1 8,no feast1 no ,levite10 so now it was felt that where there was no lady1 there was no refined enjoyment4 ,at whatever period the emancipation of the ladies from their forced seclusion took place1 from that period the tone of social life was elevated4 ,they went about1 like ,eve1 8on hospitable thoughts intent40 ,the highest in rank did not disdain to supervise the kitchen2 they displayed their talents in the invention of new dishes1 as well as in the preparation of the old2 and they occasionally well-nigh ruined their lords by the magnificence of their tastes1 and their sublime disregard of expense4 ,all the sumptuary laws of ,kings to restrain this household extravagance were joyously evaded1 and banquets became deadly destructive to men's estates4 ,the ,french ,kings granted corporate rights to the different trades connected with the kitchen and the table2 and perhaps the most valued privilege was that conceded by ,charles ,,ix4 to the pastrycooks1 who alone were permitted to make bread for the service of the ,mass4 ,montaigne1 in his pleasant way1 recounts a conversation he had with an ,italian chef who had served in the kitchen of ,cardinal ,caraffa1 up to the period of the death of his gastronomic ,eminence4 8,i made him10 says the great ,essayist1 8tell me something about his post4 ,he gave me a lecture on the science of eating1 with a gravity and magisterial countenance as if he had been determining some vexed question in theology4 ,he deciphered to me1 as it were1 the distinction that exists between appetites3--the appetite at fasting2 that which people have at the end of the second or third service2 the means of awaking and exciting it2 the general #8police1' so to speak1 of his sauces2 and then particularized their ingredients and effects4 ,the differences of salads1 according to the seasons1 he next discoursed upon4 ,he explained what sorts ought to be prepared warm1 and those which should always be served cold2 the way of adorning and embellishing them1 in order to render them seductive to the eye4 ,after this he entered on the order of table-services1--a subject full of fine and important considerations2 and all this was puffed up with rich and magnificent terms2 phrases1 indeed1 such as are employed by statesmen and diplomatists1 when they are discoursing on the government of an empire40 ,we see by this what the 8art de la gueule0 was in the days of ,charles ,,ix41 whose mother1 ,catherine de ,medicis1 had introduced it into ,france1 as a science whereby men should enjoy life4 ,the same lady introduced also poisoning1 as a science whereby men might be deprived of life4 ,her own career was full of opposing facts like these1--facts which caused a poetic cook to write the epitaph upon her1 which says3-- 8,here lieth a ,queen1 who was angel and devil1 ,admirer of good1 and a doer of evil2 ,she supported the ,state1 and the ,state she destroyed2 ,she reconciled friends1 and she friendships alloyed2 ,she brought forth three ,kings1 thrice endanger'd the ,crown1 ,built palaces up1 and threw whole cities down2 ,made many good laws1 many bad ones as well1 ,and merited richly both heaven and hell40 ,the mention of ,cardinal de ,caraffa1 by ,montaigne1 reminds me that1 for a gastronome1 the ,cardinal was singularly sanguinary in spirit4 ,i know no one to compare with him1 except ,dr4 ,cahill1 who is not averse to good living1 and who has earned so gloomy a notoriety by his terrible sentiment of the massacre of ,protestants being 8a glorious idea40 ,caraffa was enabled to enjoy both his propensities1 of swallowing good things and slaughtering heretics4 8,having obtained leave from the ,pope to establish the ,inquisition at ,rome1 at a time when the resources of the ,state ran low1 he turned his private property to the use of his zeal1 and set up a small ,inquisition at his own expense40 ,thus he could dine within hearing of the groans of his victims2 his cook could inform him that the hares and heretics had both been roasted2 and he may have been occasionally puzzled to know whether that smell of burning came from the patties or the ,protestants4 ,the ,italian cooks were1 for a season1 fashionable in ,france2 but they had a passion for poetry as well as for pies1 and were given to let their sauces burn while they recited whole pages of 8,orlando ,furioso40 ,they were critics as well as cooks1 and the kitchens resounded with their denunciations of all who objected to the merits of the divine ,ariosto4 ,but even the ,papal ennobling of a cook could not compensate for an indifferent dinner2 and though ,leo ,x41 in a fit of modest delight at a sauce made by his cook during ,lent1 named him from that circumstance 8,jack o' ,lent10 or 8,jean de ,carme10 the ,french would not allow that such an event authorized the artiste to be dreaming over epics1 when he should be wide awake to the working of his proper mystery4 ,but the mystery itself was much obstructed by the political events of the times4 ,there were the bloody wars of the ,guises1 the troubles of the ,league1 the despotic reign of ,richelieu1 the cacochymical temperament 7as the editor of the 8,almanach des ,gourmands0 would call it7 of ,louis ,,xiii41 and the ridiculous war of the ,fronde4 ,the glory of the ,french kitchen rose with that of the ,grand ,monarque1 and ,vatel and ,louis ,,xiv4 were contemporaries4 ,vatel slew himself to save his honour6 ,the ,king had come to dine with ,cond2 but the cod had not arrived in time to be dressed for the ,king1 and thereupon the heroic artist fell upon his sword1 like an ancient ,roman1 and is immortalized for ever by his glorious folly6 ,but there was nothing really heroic in the death of ,vatel1 whose sword was pointed at his breast by wounded vanity4 ,far more heroic was the death of the cook of the ,austrian ,consul1 in the late cruel massacre1 by the cowardly ,russian fleet1 at ,sinope4 ,the ,consul's cook was a young woman of thirty years of age4 ,the ,muscovite murderers were at the very height of their bloody enjoyment1 and sending shots into the town1 when the cook attempted to cross a garden1 to procure some herbs2 for ,consuls must dine1 though half the world be dying4 ,she had performed her mission1 and was returning1 when a thirty-six pounder shot cut her completely in two4 ,rather than give up the parsley for her master's soup1 she thus encountered death4 ,what was ,vatel and his bodkin1 to this more modern cook and the thirty-six pounder1 loaded by the ,czar for her destruction8 ,the cooks 8looked up0 in the nights and suppers of the ,regency1 and the days and dinners of ,louis ,,xv4 ,it would be difficult to say whether under the ,regent1 or under the ,king1 the culinary art and its professors most flourished4 ,i am inclined1 however1 to think1 that1 during the tranquil and voluptuous period of the reign of ,louis ,,xv41 the cooks of ,france rose to that importance from which they have never descended4 ,they became a recognised and esteemed class in society1 whose spoiled children they were2 and1 in return1 it was very like spoiled children that they behaved4 ,but how could it be otherwise1 when the noble1 the brave1 and the fair girded aprons to their loins1 and stood over stew-pans1 with the air of alchymists over alembics8 ,it is to the nobility and other distinguished persons in high life1 yet not noble1 in ,france1 that gastronomy owes many a dish1 whose very name betrays to ecstasy4 ,and here are a few of these droll benefactors of mankind4 ,the ,marquis de ,bchamel immortalized his name1 in the reign of ,louis ,,xiv41 by his invention of cream-sauce1 for turbot and cod4 ,madame de ,maintenon imagined the 8cutlets in curl-papers0 which go by her name1 and which her ingenuity created in order to guard the sacred stomach of the ,grand ,monarque from the grease which he could not digest4 ,the 8,chartreuse la ,mauconseil0 is the work1 and the most innocent one1 of the free and easy ,marchioness of that name4 ,a woman more free and easy still1 the ,duchess of ,villeroy1 7,marchale de ,luxembourg17 produced1 in her hours of reflection1 the dish known as the poulets la ,villeroy4 ,they were eaten with bread la ,rgent1 of which the author was the rou ,duke of ,orleans4 ,his too 8well-beloved0 daughter1 the ,duchess of ,berry1 had a gastronomic turn of mind1 like her illustrious father4 ,she was an epicurean lady1 who tasted of all the pleasures of life without moderation1 whose device was1 8,short and sweet10 and who was contented to die young1 seeing that she had exhausted all enjoyment1 and had achieved a renown1 that should embalm her name for ever1 as the inventor of the filets de lapereau4 ,the gigot la ,mailly was the result of much study1 on the part of the first mistress of ,louis ,,xv41 to rid herself of a sister who was a rival4 ,madame de ,pompadour1 another of the same ,king's 8ladies10 testified her gratitude for the present which the ,monarch made her of the ,chteau de ,bellevue1 by the production of the filets de volaille la ,bellevue4 ,the ,queen of ,louis was more devout1 but not less epicurean1 than his mistresses2 and the petites bouches la ,reine1 if they were not of her creating1 were named in honour of ,maria ,leczinzka4 ,louis himself had a contempt for female cooks2 but ,madame ,du ,barry had one so well-trained1 that with a charming dinner of coulis de faisans1 croustades de la foie de lottes1 salmis de bcassine1 pain de volaille la suprme1 poularde au cresson1 crevisses au vin de ,sauterne1 bisquets de pches au ,noyau1 and crme de cerneaux1 the ,king was so overcome with ecstasy1 that1 after recovering from the temporary disgust he experienced at hearing that it was the handywork of a woman1 he consented to ennoble her by conferring upon her the cordon bleu1--which phrase1 from that time1 has been accepted as signifying a skilled female cook4 ,with respect to other dishes and their authors1 the vol au vent la ,nsle owns a ,marquis for its father2 and the poularde la ,montmorency is the offspring of a ,duke4 ,the ,bayonnoise1 or the ,mabonnoise rather1 recalls one of the victories of the ,duke de ,richelieu2 and veau la ,montgolfier1 well inflated1 was the tribute of a culinary artist to the hero who first rode the air at the tail of a balloon4 ,the sorbet la ,donizetti was the masterpiece of the ,italian confectioner of the late ,duke of ,beaufort4 ,he had been to the ,opera2 and one of the composer's charming airs having given him an idea1 he brooded over it1 till1 an hour or so before dawn1 it was hatched into reality1 when he rushed to the ,duke's bed-chamber1 and1 8drawing ,priam's bed-curtains in the night10 announced to his startled ,grace the achievement of a new sorbet4 ,the tendrons d'agneaux au soleil1 and the filets de poulets la ,pompadour1 were two of the dishes invented by the famous lady of that name4 ,the carbonnade la ,soubise1 and the carr de veau la ,guemene1 date--the first from the reign of ,louis ,,xv41 the last from that of ,louis ,,xvi41--periods when the people were famishing4 ,the ,pompadour was a great patron of the arts1 and especially of the culinary art2 and the cuisine des petits appartements1 during her reign1 was at the very height of its savoury reputation4 ,the ,prince of ,soubise was a poor ,general1 but a rich glutton2 and his son-in-law1 the ,prince de ,guemene1 was famous for his invention of various ragots1 his inordinate extravagance1 and his bankruptcy1 with liabilities against him amounting to twenty-eight millions of francs4 ,madame la ,marchale de ,mirepoix was the authoress of cailles la ,mirepoix2 and her descendants live on the reputation acquired thereby by their epicurean ancestress4 ,the ,bourbons vied with the aristocracy in taxing their genius1 and cudgelling their brains1 in order to produce new dishes4 ,thus1 the potage la ,xavier was the production of ,louis ,,xviii41 in the days of his early manhood2 while the soupe la ,cond was a rival dish invented by his princely cousin1--a cousin1 by the way1 who1 when a refugee in ,england1 used to pass his evenings at ,astley's1 with his pockets full of apples1 which he gallantly presented to ladies as highly1 but not as naturally1 coloured as the fruit4 ,perhaps the reputation of the ,marchal de ,richelieu rests more on his boudins la carpe1 than on his battles and billets-doux4 ,finally1 a mysterious obscurity conceals from us the name of the inventor of the petites bouches de foie gras4 ,he is the ,junius of gastronomic literature2 but if he be guessed at in vain1 he is blessed abundantly1 as one who has concentrated paradise1 7an ,epicurean's paradise17 and given an antepast thereof1 in a single mouthful4 ,the ,prince de ,soubise was famous in the reign of ,louis ,,xv4 for giving great dinners1 and paying nobody but his cooks1 and the young ladies of the opera4 ,he once varied his extravagance by a splendid fte1 which was to terminate by a supper4 ,his chef waited on him with the bill of fare for the banquet1 and the first article which attracted his attention was 8fifty hams40 8,half a hundred hams60 said the ,prince1 8that's a coarse idea1 ,bertrand4 ,you have not got to feed my regiment of cavalry40 8,truly1 ,prince6 and only one ham will appear on the table2 ,i want the remaining forty-nine for adjuncts1 seasonings1 flavourings1 and a dozen other purposes40 8,bertrand10 replied the ,prince1 8you are robbing me1 and ,i cannot allow this article to pass40 8,monseigneur60 exclaimed the offended artiste1 8you doubt my morals1 and libel my merit4 ,you do not know what a treasure you possess in me2 you have only to order it1 and those fifty hams which so terribly offend you1 why1 ,i will put them all into a phial not bigger than my thumb60 ,the ,prince smiled1 and ,bertrand triumphed4 ,the cooks of the young ,king ,louis ,,xvi4 remarked1 with mingled terror and disgust1 that his appetite was rather voracious than delicate4 ,he cared little what he ate1 provided there was enough of it2 and he looked to nutrition rather than niceness4 ,a succulent joint with him had more merit than the most singular of dishes1 the invention of which had perhaps caused three nights of wakefulness to its author4 ,but the aristocracy1 the law1 and finance1 maintained tables which ought to have been the pride of ,versailles4 ,late dinners1 or gorgeous suppers1 were indulged in to such a degree by the moneyed classes1 that it was familiarly said1 that of an evening the chimneys of the ,faubourg ,saint ,honor made fragrant with their incense the entire capital4 ,it was reckoned that1 at this period1 twenty thousand men had no other profession than that of 8diner-out10 which they carried on1 like the parasites of old1 by retailing anecdotes and news in return for the repast4 ,it was a time when 8,monseigneur0 thought nothing of dispatching his cook to ,london to procure a turtle2 which1 after all1 was less extravagant than the process of ,cambacres1 who had his ,prigord pies sent to him through the post1 8,on ,his ,majesty's ,service40 ,the ,languedocien cooks in ,france were paid the quadruple of the salary of the family tutor1 good eating being so much more essential to life than mere instruction2 and1 besides1 could the family tutor have accomplished any thing that could equal the achievement of the family cook who could bring to table entire a 8sanglier la crapaudine80 ,the cooks of the age of ,louis ,,xvi4 invented the 8bouillie0 and the 8consomm10 because mastication was considered by them a vulgar process2 and the royal cooks1 during ,passion ,week1 manipulated the vegetables placed before the ,king into the forms of ocean-dwelling fish1 and gave to the semblance the taste of the reality for which it passed to the eye4 ,the glory of gastronomy was again rising when it was suddenly quenched by the revolutionary torrent1 and the nation was put on a three years' meagre dietary by the ,jacobins and the ,directory4 ,but the ,revolution1 which affected to hate cooks as aristocratic appendages that ought to be suppressed1 sometimes made1 where it hoped to mar4 ,the case of ,ude is one in point4 ,monsieur ,ude1 like ,prince ,eugene1 was originally intended for the ,church4 ,at the breaking out of the ,french ,revolution1 he was residing1 for instruction1 with an ,abb1 and master and pupil had to fly before the popular indignation1 which1 for a time1 assailed the ,church1 and all therewith connected4 ,ude's life was in peril in the public streets1 and he just saved it1 by rushing into the shop of a pastrycook1 where he found a permanent asylum4 ,the 8house of ,ude10 like other great houses1 nearly perished in the great political shipwreck of the day1 and this particular scion thereof took to the study of practical gastronomy1 and became chief supreme in various great kitchens1 from that of royalty down to that of ,crockford4 ,when the sluices of the ,french ,revolution were opened1 how diverse were the fortunes of those who fled from before it6 ,it was the same with the gentlemen who had followed the fortunes of ,napoleon4 ,they were scattered1 like the ,generals of ,alexander1 without being able1 like them1 to retire upon independent sovereignties1 and rear dynasties of barbaric splendour4 ,some went to ,greece to crush despotism1 some went to ,lahore to aid it4 ,a few1 like ,latour d',auvergne1 took to the ,church2 but1 saving that portly person himself1 none had the good luck to reach the archiepiscopate4 ,those who failed to procure employment in foreign armies1 and yet could not lay aside their propensity for killing1 went to the ,east1 and prescribed as ,physicians4 ,such of the rest as were absolutely fit for nothing1 and willing to do it1 inundated ,england1 and undertook the light and irresponsible office of ,private ,tutors6 ,but it was the earlier ,revolution that afforded examples of the greatest contrasts4 ,many young men1 intended for the ,church1 changed their profession1 and became popular1 useful1 and rich1 in the households of ,european royalty1 as civilizers of the kitchen1 who raised cookery from its barbarous condition to a matter of science and taste4 ,perhaps the most curious of the waifs and strays of the ,revolution flung upon our shores1 was the ,chevalier ,d',aubign1 who contrived to live1 as so many ,french gentlemen of that time did1 in bitter poverty1 without a sacrifice of dignity4 ,he had one day been invited by an ,english friend to dine with the latter at a tavern4 ,in the course of the repast1 he took upon himself to mix the salad2 and the way in which he did this1 attracted the notice of all the other guests in the room4 ,previous to the period of which ,i am speaking1 lettuces were commonly eaten1 by tavern frequenters at least1 au naturel1 with no more dressing than ,nebuchadnezzar had to his grass when he dieted daily among the beasts4 ,consequently1 when ,d',aubign handled the preparation for which he had asked1 like a chymist concocting elixir in his laboratory1 the guests were lost in admiration2 for the refreshing aroma of a ,mayonnaise was warrant to their senses1 that the ,french ,knight had discovered for them a new pleasure4 ,one of them approached the foreign magician1 and said1 8,sir1 it is universally known that your nation excels all others in the making a salad4 ,would it be too great a liberty to ask you to do us the favour to mix one for the party at my table80 ,the courteous ,frenchman smiled1 was flattered1 performed the office asked of him1 and put four gentlemen in a state of uncontrollable ecstasy4 ,he had talked cheerfully1 as he mixed gracefully and scientifically1 and1 in the few minutes required by him to complete his work of enchantment1 he contrived to explain his position as emigrant1 and his dependence on the pecuniary aid afforded by the ,english ,government4 ,the guests did not let the poor ,chevalier depart without slipping into his hand a golden fee1 which he received with as little embarrassment1 and as much dignity1 as though he had been the ,physician ,de ,portal taking an honorarium from the hands of the ,cardinal de ,rohan4 ,he had communicated his address1 and he1 perhaps1 was not very much surprised when1 a few days after1 he received a letter in which he was politely requested to repair to a house in ,grosvenor ,square1 for the purpose of mixing a salad for a dinner party there to be given4 ,d',aubign obeyed the summons2 and1 after performing his mission1 returned home richer by a five-pound note than when he went out4 ,henceforth he became the recognised 8fashionable salad-maker20 and ladies 8died0 for his salads1 as they do now for ,constantine's simulative bouquets4 ,the preparer was soon enabled to proceed to his responsible duties in a carriage2 and a servant attended him1 carrying a mahogany case1 containing the necessary ingredients for concocting various salads1 according to the respective tastes of his employers4 ,at a later period1 he sold1 by hundreds1 similar mahogany cases1 which he had caused to be made1 and which were furnished with all matters necessary for the making an irreproachable salad1 and with directions how to administer them4 ,the ,chevalier1 too1 was1 like old ,carr1--whose will was so cleverly made by the very disinterested friends who had never before spoken to him1--a prudent and a saving man2 and by the period which re-opened ,france to the migrs1 he had realized some eighty thousand francs1 upon which he enjoyed a dignified retirement in a provincial town4 ,he invested sixty thousand francs in the ,funds2 with the other twenty thousand he purchased a little estate in the ,limousin1 and1 if he lacked a 8legend0 to his device1 ,i would have helped him to one in 8,sal adfert40 ,a ,knight over a salad-bowl is not a chivalrous picture2 but the stern necessity of the case gave it dignity1 and the resulting profits quieted the scruples of the gentleman4 ,when ,booth pounced upon ,captain ,bath1 sitting in a dirty flannel gown1 and warming his sister's posset at the fire1 the noble and gaunt ,captain was taken something aback1 and said1 in a little confusion1 8,i did not expect1 ,sir1 to be seen by you in this situation40 ,booth told him 8he thought it impossible he could appear in a situation more becoming his character40 ,the compliment was equivocal2 but the ,captain said1 8,you do not8 ,by ,g-- ,i am very much obliged to you for that opinion2 but ,i believe1 ,sir1 however my weakness may prevail on me to descend from it1 no man can be more conscious of his own dignity than myself40 ,the apology of good ,captain ,bath in ,fielding's 8,amelia10 would have served the ,chevalier who made salads1 had he needed one4 ,if a salad made the fortune of a ,chevalier1 it on one occasion made that of a female cook1 with whose dexterity in this respect a learned ,english ,judge was so enchanted1 that he raised the lucky maiden to the quality of wife4 ,if we discuss the traits of life at table1 we have nothing to do with the secrets of household2 but an incident1 illustrative of the consequences of this match1 may be mentioned4 ,the ,judge ever after was famous for protracting the sittings in court beyond all precedent and patience2 and when weary ,barristers were aghast at hearing a new cause called on1 when the night was half spent1 and fairly remonstrated against the judicial cruelty1 the learned husband of his cook would remark with a sigh1 8,gentlemen1 we must be somewhere2 we cannot be better any where than where we now are10--the half of which assertion was stoutly denied by his hearers4 ,our aristocracy are not quite so famous for their invention of dishes as that of ,france2 but their love for good dinners1 and their knowledge of what they ought to be1 are not inferior to the affection and science of our neighbours4 ,when ,lord ,marcus ,hill officiated as whipper-in to the ,whig ,government1 it was part of his office to order the fish dinner at which ,ministers regale themselves when sessional cares no longer molest them4 ,the fish dinners of ,lord ,marcus are remembered with satisfaction and gratitude2 for they were first-rate in their way4 ,the reputation of the ,carlton cuisine and cellar is said to be chiefly owing to ,sir ,alexander ,grant1 of whom a gastronomic critic says1 8,no living ,amphitryon has given better dinners in his time2 and few can boast of having entertained more distinguished guests40 ,his name1 as a patron1 reminds me of that of ,carme1 as a practitioner4 ,,pen ,,and ,,ink ,,sketch ,,of ,,car,,me4 ,it would be as easy to compile a ,dictionary of ,cooks1 as of ,musicians or ,painters2 but it would not be so amusing or so edifying1 except perhaps to those who think more of their stomach than of their mind4 ,but it would then be attractive and useful to the majority of readers2 for the sages themselves are not unmindful of their stomachs1 and1 according to a sage1 they would be unworthy of the name if they neglected that vital matter4 ,johnson1 you know1 lived in an age when things were called by their real names4 8,j'appelle un chat un chat10 was the device of the plain-spoken1 when not only men1 but ladies1 bold as the ,thalestris of ,young's pungent satire1 loudly dared to name what nature dared to give4 ,dr4 ,johnson1 then1 says1 8,some people have a foolish way of not minding1 or pretending not to mind1 what they eat4 ,for my part1 ,i mind my belly very studiously2 for ,i look upon it that he who does not mind his belly1 will hardly mind any thing else60 ,to the world1 then1 even a ,biographical ,dictionary of ,cooks might be captivating2 but as my present mission is not to write an ,encyclopdia1 but rather deferentially to offer my little sketches to gentle1 and not too critical1 readers1 with leisure half-hours at their command1 so do ,i offer them a sketch of ,carme1 as the knowledge of the individual may stand for that of the class4 ,he was illustrious by descent2 for one of his ancestors had served in the household of a ,pope1 who himself made more sauces than saints1 ,leo ,x4 ,but ,carme was one of so poor and so numerous a family1 that when he came into the world1 he was no more welcome than ,oliver ,goldsmith was3 the respective parents of the little-cared-for babes did not know what future great men lay in naked helplessness before them4 ,one wrote immortal poetry1 and starved3 the other made delicious pastry1 and rode in a chariot6 ,we know how much ,oliver received for his 8,vicar20 while ,anthony ,carme used to receive twice as much for merely writing out a recipe to make a 8pt40 ,nay1 ,carme's untouched patties1 when they left royal tables1 were bought up at a cost which would have supported ,goldsmith for a month2 and a cold sugared entremets1 at the making of which ,carme had presided1 readily fetched a higher price than the public now pay for the 8,complete ,works0 of the poet of ,green-,arbour-court6 ,carme studied under various great masters1 but he perfected his studies under ,boucher1 chef des services of the ,prince ,talleyrand4 ,the glory of ,carme was co-eval with that of ,napoleon3 those two individuals were great men at the same period2 but the glory of one will1 perhaps1 be a little more enduring than that of the other4 ,i will not say whose glory will thus last the longer2 for as was remarked courteously by the ,oxford candidate for honours1 who was more courteous than 8crammed10 and who was asked which were the minor ,prophets1 8,i am not willing to draw invidious distinctions60 ,in the days of the ,empire1--the era of the greatness1 of the achievements1 and of the reflections of ,carme1--the possession of him was as eagerly contested by the rich as that of a nymph by the satyrs4 ,he was alternately the glory of ,talleyrand1 the boast of ,lavalette1 and the pride of the ,saxon ,ambassador4 ,in their houses1 too1 his hand was as often on his pen as on the handle of his casserole2 and inspiration never visited his brain without the call being duly registered in his note-book1 with reflections thereon highly philosophical and gastronomic4 ,but ,carme was capricious4 ,it was not that he was unfaithful1 but he was volage2 and he passed from kitchen to kitchen1 as the bee wings from flower to flower4 ,the ,emperor ,alexander dined with ,talleyrand1 and forthwith he seduced ,carme3 the seduction-money was only #ajj sterling per month1 and the culinary expenses4 ,carme did not yield without much coyness4 ,he urged his love for study1 his desire to refine the race of which he made himself the model1 his love for his country2 and he even accompanied1 for a brief moment1 8,lord ,stewart0 to ,vienna2 but it was more in the way of policy than pastry3 for ,count ,orloff was sent after him on a mission1 and ,carme1 after flying1 with the full intention of being followed1 to ,london and ,paris1 yielded to the golden solicitation1 and did the ,emperor ,alexander the honour of becoming the head of the imperial kitchen in whatever palace ,his ,majesty presided4 ,but the delicate susceptibility of ,carme was wounded by discovering that his book of expenses was subjected to supervision4 ,he flung up his appointment in disgust1 and hastened across ,europe to ,england4 ,the jealous winds wished to detain him for ,france1 and they blew him back on the coast between ,calais and ,boulogne1 exactly as they did another gentleman1 who may not be so widely known as ,carme1 but who has been heard of in ,england under the name of ,william ,wordsworth4 ,carme accepted the omen1 repaired to ,paris1 entered the service of the ,princess ,bagration1 and served the table of that capricious lady1 en matre d'htel4 ,as the guests uttered ecstatic praises of the fare1 the ,princess would smile upon him as he stood before her1 and exclaim1 8,he is the pearl of cooks60 ,is it a matter of surprise that he was vain8 ,fancy being called a 8pearl0 by a ,princess6 ,on reading it we think of the days when ,lady ,mary ,wortley ,montague put nasty footmen into eclogues1 and deified the dirty passions of ,mrs4 ,mahony's lacquey4 ,the ,princess1 however1 ate herself into a permanent indigestion1 and ,carme transferred his services to the ,english ,ambassador at the ,court of ,vienna4 ,there1 every morning1 seated in his magnificent kitchen1 ,carme received the visit of 8,milor ,stewart10 who seldom left him without presents and encouragements4 ,indeed1 these rained upon the immortal artist4 ,the ,emperor ,alexander had consented to have ,carme's projects in culinary architecture dedicated to him1 and1 with notice of consent1 sent him a diamond ring4 ,when ,prince ,walkouski placed it on his finger1 the cook forgot his dignity1 and burst into tears4 ,so did all the other cooks in the ,austrian capital1--out of sheer jealousy4 ,carme1 two years before ,george ,,iv4 was ,king1 had been for a short period a member of the ,regent's household4 ,he left ,vienna to be present at the ,coronation2 but he arrived too late2 and he does not scruple to say1 very ungenerously1 that the banquet was spoiled for want of his presence1 nor to insinuate that the colleagues with whom he would have been associated were unworthy of such association1--an insinuation at once base and baseless4 ,after being the object of a species of semi-worship1 and yielding to every new offer1 yet affecting to despise them all1 ,carme ultimately tabernacled with ,baron ,rothschild in ,paris2 and the super-human excellency of his dinners1 is it not written in the 8,book without a ,name0 of ,lady ,morgan8 ,and was not his residence there the object of envy1 and cause of much melancholy1 and opportunity for much eulogy1 on the part of ,george ,,iv48 ,well1 ,anthony ,carme would have us believe as much with respect to himself and the ,king2 but we do not believe a word of it2 for the royal table was never better cared for by the royal officers1 whose duty lay in such care1 than at this very period4 ,george ,,iv4 is said to have tempted him by offering triple salaries2 but all in vain2 for ,london was too triste an abiding place for a man whose whole soul1 out of kitchen hours1 was given to study4 ,and so ,carme remained with his ,jewish patron until infirmity overtook his noble nature1 and he retired to dictate his immortal works 7like ,milton1 very67 to his accomplished daughter4 ,les beaux restes of ,carme were eagerly sought after2 but he would not heed what was no longer a temptation2 for he was realizing twenty thousand francs a year from the booksellers1 besides the interest of the money he had saved4 ,think of it1 shade of ,milton6 ,eight hundred pounds sterling yearly1 for writing on kitchen-stuff6 ,who would compose epics after that8 ,but ,carme's books were epics after their sort1 and they are highly creditable to the scribe who wrote them from his notes4 ,finally1 even ,antony ,carme died1 like cooks of less degree2 but he had been the imperial despot of ,european kitchens1 had been 8beringed0 by ,monarchs1 and been smiled on by ,princesses2 he had received ,lords in his kitchen1 and had encountered ladies who gave him a great deal for a very little knowledge in return2 and finally1 as ,fulke ,greville had inscribed on his tomb that he had been the friend of ,sir ,philip ,sidney1 so the crowning joy of ,carme's life might have been chiselled on his monument1 indicating that he had been the friend of one whom he would have accounted a greater man than the knightly hero in question1--namely1 il ,maestro ,rossini6 ,carme's cup was thereat full2 and he died1 perfectly convinced that paradise itself would be glad at his coming4 ,the celebrated ,damvers was chef to the as celebrated financier ,grimaud de la ,reynire1 in the last century4 ,grimaud died a martyr to his epicurean tastes4 ,he was dining on a pt de foies gras1 when he allowed his appetite to overpower his digestion1 and he died of the excess4 ,barthe1 the author of 8,les ,fausses ,infidlits10 also fell on the field of the dining-room4 ,he was extremely short-sighted1 and ate of every thing on the table4 ,he did not consult his appetite1 but his servant1 asking him1 8,have ,i eaten of that80 8,have ,i had any of this80 ,it was after partaking too freely1 both of 8this0 and 8that10 that poor ,m4 ,barthe let his temper get the better of him in an argument1 and a stroke of apoplexy sent him under the table4 ,his cook deplored in him the loss of a man of taste4 ,the cook of the ,count de ,tess1 ,master of the ,horse to ,marie ,antoinette1 was famous for dressing artichokes4 ,the great ,morillian surpassed him1 however2 but this feat did not save the artist from ending his days in poverty4 ,the elder ,robert was1 perhaps1 equal to either of them1 in this or in any other respect connected with his art4 ,the great ,carme1 ignorant of every thing else1 was at least an accomplished cook4 ,there is1 as ,i have said1 a tradition that his petits pts1 when they left the ,regent's table1 were sold1 like the second-hand pies from the royal table at ,versailles1 for fabulous prices4 ,as ,i have before intimated1 it was for ,leo ,x4 that ,carme the ,first invented those succulent1 but orthodox1 dishes1 which pleased the pontifical palate at a season when gratification by gravy would have been scandalous6 ,it was in the ,baron ,rothschild's household that ,carme the ,second invented his famous sauce piquante1 the result of his studies under ,richaut1 ,asne1 and the elder ,robert4 ,it was in and for ,france that ,carme published the learned and curious work of which he is the reputed author1 and which he may have dictated1 but which he could not have written4 ,it is marked by philosophical inquiry1 instruction1 and pleasant trifling2 and neither book nor reputed author has been excelled by any artist1 or any sample of kitchen literature1 that has appeared since that period4 ,before the age of ,carme1 the popular kitchen in ,france was not very superior to our own2 and the patrons of tavernes and traiteurs were as coarsely fed as our frequenters of ordinaries4 ,but as royalty fell1 the restaurateurs rose2 and when1 in #aghf1 the cooks of ,louis ,,xvi4 began to augur badly of their prospects1 three provincial brothers1 ,barthlemy1 ,mannielles1 and ,simon1 opened their famous restaurant1 8,les ,trois ,frres ,provenaux10 in the ,palais ,royal1 and constituted themselves the cooks of another ,king1--the sovereign people4 ,the new establishment created an era in the history of cookery1 and men of all shades of politics1 and ,generals of all grades of reputation1 resorted to the tables of the ,brothers4 ,general ,bonaparte and ,barras were to be seen there daily1 before they took their cheap pleasure at the theatre of ,mlle4 ,montansier4 ,during the wars of the ,empire it was the chosen stage for the farewell banquets of brethren in arms1 and at this period the receipts amounted to not less than #ejj sterling daily4 ,the triumvirate of proprietors endured longer than any such union in the political world2 and it was not till the reign of ,louis ,philippe that the establishment of 8,les ,trois ,frres0 descended1 under a new proprietary1 into a more unpretending position than that which it had proudly sustained during half a century4 ,the casseroles of the savoury ,brothers had remained unshaken1 while ,kings and constitutions had fallen around them4 ,the fortune of the ,provincial ,brothers tempted another country cook from his obscurity2 and some four years after the former had set up their tables in the ,palais ,royal1 the immortal ,vry thrust his feet into wooden clogs1 and trudged from a village on the ,meuse up to the capital1 to give it a taste of his quality4 ,he enchanted ,marshal ,duroc with some of his plats1 and henceforth his fortune was secure4 ,he married a beautiful woman1 whose pen kept his books1 whose face attracted customers1 and whose heart was devoted to her husband4 ,a quarter of a century sufficed to enable ,vry to die immensely rich1 after working excessively hard1 and to be magnificently entombed in the ,cimetire ,montmartre1 under a marble column1 which bore the engraved assurance that 8his whole life was devoted to the useful arts40 ,beauvilliers appeared in ,paris about the same time as 8the ,three ,brothers20 he made and unmade his fortune three or four times1 and died poor1 three years after ,vry died so rich4 ,beauvilliers was the author of 8,l',art du ,cuisinier10 a book almost as interesting as 8,the ,art of ,dining20 and one cannot name either without standing mentally chapeau bas6 before the author4 ,beauvilliers was famous for his splendid wines and heavy bill4 ,the ,veau qui tette was renowned for its sheep-trotters4 ,the reputation of others was built upon kidneys2 that of ,vry1 on his entres truffes4 ,the 8,three ,provincial ,brothers0 enjoyed a wide esteem for the way in which they dressed cod with garlic4 ,baleine kept a house that was crowded by the admirers of fish2 while that of ,robert was distinguished for the graceful attention with which previously ordered dinners were served2 and that of ,henneveu for the splendid boudoirs in which shy couples1 too modest to encounter the public gaze1 could dine in private1 and cease to find their modesty oppressive4 ,beauvilliers'1 as ,i have intimated1 was a costly house2 but it was not therefore the most excellent in ,paris4 ,the excellence of a dinner is not to be determined by its price4 ,four years ago an illustrious party dined at ,philippe's1 in the ,rue ,montorgueil1 at a far lower cost1 and after a far more exquisite fashion1 than if they had joined the ,epicureans of the ,clarendon1 at #e per head4 ,the party consisted of ,lords ,brougham and ,dufferin1 the ,honourable ,w4 ,stuart1 two other 8,britishers10 and ,count ,d',orsay and ,m4 ,alexandre ,dumas4 ,the dinner on this occasion was a recherche affair4 ,it had been as anxiously meditated upon as an epic poem2 and it was a far pleasanter thing4 8,the most successful dishes10 says the author of 8,the ,art of ,dining10 8were the bisques1 the fritures l',italienne1 and the gigot la ,bretanne4 ,out of compliment to the world-wide fame of ,lord ,brougham and ,alexandre ,dumas1 ,m4 ,philippe produced some ,clos de ,vougeot1 which1 7like his namesake in #8,high ,life ,below ,stairs1'7 he vowed1 should never go down the throat of a man whom he did not esteem and admire2 and it was voted first-rate by acclamation40 ,the ,french repasts are not always good1 even when they are rather costly4 ,in #ahjg1 a party of twenty-two sat down to a repast at the younger 8,robert's10 in ,paris4 ,the ,amphitryon of the feast was ,m4 ,daolouis2 and the bill1 exclusive of wine1 amounted to thirty louis4 ,there were but three or four great dishes1 and two or three sauces4 ,the discontent of the guests was general1 and the giver of the feast allowed that the dinner was not near so good as that of the 8,socit des ,mercredis10 at ,le ,gacque's1 which cost only seven francs per head1 ordinary wine1 liqueurs1 and coffee included4 8,mais1 dner1 ,messieurs1 dner60 ,,dinner ,,traits4 8,for these and all ,his mercies0----once began ,dr4 ,johnson1 whose good custom it was always to thank ,heaven for the good things set before him2 but he almost as invariably found fault with the food given4 ,and of this see-saw process ,mrs4 ,johnson grew tired2 and on the occasion alluded to1 she stopped her husband by remarking that it was a farce to pretend to be grateful for dishes which1 in two minutes1 he would pronounce to be as worthless as the worst of ,jeremiah's figs6 ,and so there was no blessing4 ,mrs4 ,johnson might have supplied the one employed by merry old ,lady ,hobart at a dinner where she looked inquiringly1 but vainly1 for a grace-sayer4 8,well10 remarked the good ancient dame1 8,i think ,i must say as one did in the like case1 #8,god be thanked6--nobody will say grace6'0 ,it is seldom that 8grace0 is properly said or sung4 ,the last is a terribly melodious mockery at public dinners2 but then every man should silently and fervently make thanksgiving in his own heart4 ,he is an ungracious knave who sits down to a meal without at least a silent acknowledgment of gratitude to ,him1 without whom there could have been no spreading of the banquet4 ,such a defaulter deserves to be the bound slave of dyspepsia1 until he learn better manners4 8,come1 gentlemen10 ,beau ,nash used to say1 8eat1 and welcome60 ,it was all his grace2 and had he said1 8,come1 gentlemen1 be thankful and eat10 it would have been more like the ,christian gentleman1 and less like the 8beau40 ,it was a good old rule that prescribed as a law of numbers at the dinner-table1 that the company should not be more than the ,muses nor less than the ,graces4 ,there was not always unlimited freedom of action in the matter2 for1 by the ,lex ,faunia1 a man was forbidden to invite more than three strangers 7not of his family7 to dinner1 except on market days1 7three times a month17 when he might invite five4 ,the host was restricted to spending only two and a half drachmas2 but he might consume annually one hundred and twenty ,roman pounds of meat for each person in his house1 and eat at discretion of all plants and herbs that grew wild2 and1 indeed1 little restriction was put upon vegetables at all4 ,one consequence was1 that this law against luxury begot a great deal of it1 and ruined men's stomachs in consequence4 ,when the ,french ,mayor ordered all good citizens in his dark district to carry lanterns at night1 he forgot to say a word about candles1 and the wits walked about with the lanterns unfurnished4 ,the official rectified the mistake by ordering the candles2 but as he omitted to say that these were to be lighted1 the public did not profit by the decree4 ,so the ,lex ,faunia1 when it allowed unrestrained liberty in thistles1 forgot to limit sauces2 and vegetables generally were eaten with such luscious aids to which the name of 8sauce0 was given1 that even the grave ,cicero yielded to the temptation1 spoiled his digestion1 and got a liver complaint6 ,after all1 it is said that only three ,romans could be found who rigorously observed the ,faunia ,law1 according to their oaths4 ,these were men more easily satisfied than ,apicius1 who cried like a child1 when1 of all his vast fortune1 he had only about #bej1jjj sterling that he could devote to gluttony2 or than ,lucullus1 who never supped in the 8,apollo0 without its costing him at least ten thousand pounds4 ,notwithstanding this1 the ,faunia ,law was an absurd impertinence4 ,it was like the folly of ,antigonus1 who one day1 seeing the poet ,antagoras in the camp1 cooking a dish of congers for his dinner1 asked1 8,o ,antagoras1 dost thou think that ,homer sang the deeds of heroes while he boiled fish80 8,and you1 ,o ,king10 returned the poet1 8thinkest thou that ,agamemnon gained renown for his exploits1 by trying to find out who had boiled fish for dinner in his camp80 ,the moral is1 that it is best to leave men at liberty to eat as they like4 ,society is strong enough to make laws on these matters for itself2 and no one now could commit the crime of the greedy ,demylos1 who1 to secure a superb dish of fish for himself1 1 8spat in it20 and if my readers refer to the chapter illustrating 8,their ,majesties at ,meat10 they will find that so dirty a trick was not the reserved privilege of ,heathenism4 ,the ,pythagoreans were clean eaters1 and dined daily on bread and honey4 ,on the smell of the latter ,democritus did not indeed dine1 but died4 ,he had determined to commit suicide1 and had cut down his allowance to such small rations1 that his death was expected daily4 ,but the fun and the festival of ,ceres was at hand2 and the ladies of his house begged him to be good enough not to spoil the frolic by dying at such a mirthful moment4 ,he consented1 asked for a pot of honey1 and kept himself alive by smelling at it1 till the festival was over1 when his family hoped that he would die whenever he found it convenient4 ,he took one sniff more at the pot1 and in the effort his breath passed away for ever4 ,there was nothing reprehensible in the conduct of those ladies4 ,they did not outrage the spirit of their times4 ,i think worse of ,madam du ,deffand1 who went out to dine on the day her old lover died1 remarking1 as she entered the room1 how lucky it was that he had expired before six o'clock1 as otherwise she would have been too late for the gay party expecting her4 ,the brilliant society who played cards by the side of the bed of the dying ,mlle4 de l',espinasse1 and counted their tricks while they commented upon her 8rattles10 may be pronounced as being twice as ,pagan as the ladies of the household of ,democritus4 ,a small portion of soup is a good preparative to excite the digestive powers generally for what is to follow4 ,oysters form a far less commonly safe introduction to the more solid repast1 their chill1 which even ,chablis cannot always rectify1 paralysing rather than arousing the stomach4 ,the ,french bouilli after soup is a dangerous vulgarity2 for it is simply1 as a distinguished professor has styled it1 8meat1 all but its nourishing juice40 8,poultry10 says ,m4 ,brillat1 8is to the sick man who has been floating over an uncertain and uneasy sea1 like the first odour or sight of land to the storm-beaten mariner40 ,but a skilful cook can render almost any dish attractive to any and every quality of appetite4 ,in this respect1 the ,french and ,chinese cooks are really professional brethren2 much more so than a general practitioner and a veterinary surgeon6 ,the ,chinese are exceedingly skilful cooks1 and exhibit taste and judgment in the selection of their food4 ,with a few beans1 and the meal of rice and corn1 they will make a palatable and nutritious dish4 ,they eat horse-flesh1 rats1 mice1 and young dogs4 ,why not8 ,all these are far cleaner feeders than pigs and lobsters4 ,a thorough-bred horse is so nice in his appetite1 that he will refuse the corn which has been breathed upon by another horse4 ,the ,tonquin birds' nests eaten in ,china may be described as young ,mr4 ,fudge describes the ,paris grisettes3 8,rather eatable things1 those grisettes1 by the bye60 ,so are the birds' nests1 composed as they are of small shell-fish and a glutinous matter1 supplied by the plumed inhabitant of the edible houses4 ,bears' paws1 rolled in pepper and nutmeg1 dried in the sun1 and subsequently soaked in rice-water1 and boiled in the gravy of a kid1 form a dish that would make ecstatic the grave ,confucius himself4 ,there are some men for whom cooks toil in vain4 ,the ,duke of ,wellington's cook had serious doubts as to his master being a great man1--he so loved simple fare4 ,suwarrow was another ,general who was the despair of cooks4 ,his biographer says of him1 that he was at dinner when ,col4 ,hamilton appeared before him to announce an ,austrian victory over the ,french4 ,the ,general had one huge plate before him1 a sort of ,irish stew1 with every thing for sauce1 from which he ate greedily1 spitting out the bones1 8as was his custom40 ,he was so delighted with the message and the messenger1 that he received him as ,galba did ,icelus1 the announcer of ,nero's death3 with his unwiped mouth1 he began kissing the latter1 7as the half-shaven ,duke of ,newcastle once did the bearer of some welcome intelligence17 and insisted on his sitting down and eating from the ,general's plate1 8without ceremony40 ,the great ,coligny was1 like ,suwarrow1 a rapid eater2 but he was more nice in his diet4 ,the characteristic of ,coligny was1 that he always used to eat his tooth-picks6 ,according to ancient rule1 an invitation not replied to within four-and-twenty hours was deemed accepted2 and from an invitation given and accepted1 nothing releases the contracting parties but illness1 imprisonment1 or death6 ,nothing suffers so much by delay as dinner2 and if punctuality be the politeness of ,kings1 it should also be the policy both of guests and cooks4 ,lack of punctuality on the part of the former has been illustrated in the cases of men1 of whom it is said that they never saw soup and fish but at their own tables4 ,the late ,lord ,dudley ,ward used to cite two brothers as startling examples of want of punctuality3 8,if you asked ,robert for ,wednesday1 at seven1 you got ,charles on ,thursday1 at eight60 ,on the other hand1 an unpunctual cook is scarcely to be accounted a cook2 and an unpunctual master is not worthy of a cook whose dinner is ready to be served at the moment it has been ordered4 ,the great 8artiste0 who dismissed his patron because he never sat down to dinner until after he had kept it waiting for an hour1 was thoroughly acquainted with the dignity of his profession4 ,at the beginning of the present century1 it was the custom in ,france to serve the soup immediately before the company entered the dining-room4 ,the resulting advantage was a simultaneous operation on the part of the guests4 ,the innovation was introduced by ,mlle4 ,emilie ,contat1 the actress2 but it was tolerated only for a season4 ,it was1 at the same period1 of rigorous necessity1 when eggs were eaten at dinner1 to crush the empty shell4 ,to allow the latter to leave the table whole was a breach in good manners2 but the reason of this prandial law ,i have never been able to discover4 ,mlle4 ,contat was almost as famous for her love of good cheer as our own ,foote1 and both were1 equally often1 8on hospitable thoughts intent40 ,it would appear that in ,foote's time ,scotland was not famous for a lavish hospitality4 ,the old actor gave some glorious dinners to the first people in the city1 and his preliminary proceedings thereto were intended to be highly satirical upon what he considered ,scottish parsimony4 ,every night1 before retiring to bed1 he used to paper the curls of his wig with ,scotch bank-notes1--promissory paper1 as he said1 of no value4 ,when his cook waited on him at breakfast-time for orders1 8,sam0 gravely uncurled his locks1 flung the papers to the attendant1 as purchase-money for the necessary provisions1 and sent her to market in a sedan-chair4 ,but the old actor was as eccentric and ostentatious at his own table in ,london1 as he was any where4 ,when the wines were placed on the board1 he solemnly1 and as it were with a shade of disgust1 inquired1 8,if any body drank port80 ,as no one dared to answer in the affirmative at his table1 7though the owner took it 8medicinally107 he would direct the servant to 8take away the ink60 ,if ,foote disliked port1 ,bentley1 on the other hand1 had a contempt for claret1 8which10 said he1 8would be port1 if it could60 ,the latter individual was not like ,flood1 the ,irishman1 who used to raise his glass of claret aloft1 with a cry1 8,if this be war1 may we never have peace60 ,comparatively speaking1 claret is a very modern wine4 ,indeed1 none of the ,bourdeaux wines were fashionable1 that is1 consumed in large quantities out of the province1 before the reign of ,louis ,,xv4 ,that ,sovereign is said to have asked ,richelieu if ,bourdeaux wines were 8drinkable40 8,from father to son the ,bourbon race10 says ,bungener1 in his incomparable work1 8,trois ,sermons sous ,louis ,,xiv410 ate and drank with relish2 and it was no jest that among the three talents attributed by the old song to ,henri ,,iv41 7their ancestor17 was numbered that of a 8good drinker40 8,none of them1 however1 with the exception of the ,regent1 carried it to excess2 but what was not excess for them1 would have been so for many others4 ,louis ,,xiv41 at the summit of his glory1 and ,louis ,,xvi41 surrounded by his jailers1 submitted equally to the laws of their imperious appetite40 ,when ,louis ,,xv4 asked ,richelieu if ,bourdeaux wines were drinkable1 the ,duke answered him in terms which ,i may cite1 because of their correctness4 8,sire10 he replied1 8they have1 what they call1 #8white ,sauterne1' which1 though far from being so good as that of ,monrachet1 or that of the little slopes in ,burgundy1 is still not to be despised4 ,there is also a certain wine from ,grave1 which smacks of the flint1 like an old carbine4 ,it resembles ,moselle wine1 but keeps better4 ,they have besides1 in ,medoc and ,bazadois1 two or three sorts of red wine1 of which they boast a great deal4 ,it is nectar fit for the gods1 if one is to believe them4 ,yet it is certainly not comparable to the wine of ,upper ,burgundy4 ,its flavour is not bad1 however1 and it has an indescribable sort of dull1 saturnine acid1 which is not disagreeable4 ,besides1 one can drink as much as one will4 ,it puts people to sleep1 and that is all60 8,it puts people to sleep10 said the ,king3 8send for a pipe of it60 ,this is as just a description of good1 healthy ,bourdeaux1 as was that given by ,sheridan1 ,i believe1 of ,champagne3 8,it does not enter10 he said1 8and steal your reason2 it simply makes a runaway knock at a man's head1 and there's an end of it60 ,but we are indulging in too much wine at dinner4 ,let us return to the solids4 ,of the self-important personages who daily cross our path1 perhaps the most important circumstance of their life is1 that they have dined every day of it4 ,but it is a necessity4 ,all men must1 or should2 and sorrow of the saddest sort is subdued before the anguish of appetite4 ,as ,jules ,janin says1 in his 8,gaiets ,champtres10 8,nemorin takes leave of ,estelle1 and returns home1 overcome by hunger4 ,don ,kyrie ,eleison de ,montauban1 after running1 all day long1 after ,mademoiselle ,blaisir de-ma-vie1 goes and knocks at the door of the neighbouring chteau1 and asks to be invited to supper4 ,niobe herself1 in the #8,iliad1' as afflicted as woman can be1 does not forget1 when night comes1 to take a little refreshment40 ,if ,seneca derided such doings1 it was only after dinner1 when appetite failed him4 ,human nature is made up of sentiment and hunger2 and ,hood's sentimentalist was not unnatural with his epicurean reminiscences1 when he said1-- 8',twas at ,christmas1 ,i think1 that ,i met with ,miss ,chase1-- ,yes1 for ,morris had ask'd me to dine2 ,and ,i thought ,i had never beheld such a face1 ,or so noble a turkey and chine40 ,this conglomeration of feeling and feeding is mixed up with all the acts of most importance in our lives2 and though ,bacchus1 ,cupid1 ,comus1 and ,diana be no longer the deities or the beati of the earth1 the substantial worship remains2 and1 as ,m4 ,brillat ,savarin asserts1 under the most serious of all beliefs1 we celebrate by repasts not only births1 baptisms1 and marriages1 but even interments4 ,the last-named writer fixes the era of dinners from the time when men1 ceasing to live upon fruits1 took to flesh2 for then the family necessarily assembled to devour what had been slain and cooked4 ,they know the pleasures of eating1 which is the satisfaction of the animal appetite2 but the true1 refined pleasures of the table date only from the time when ,prometheus fired the soul with heavenly flame1 from which sprang intellect1 with a host of radiant followers in its train4 ,a good dinner sharpens wit1 while it softens the heart4 ,a hungry man is as slow at a joke as he is at a favour4 ,nelson never knew the sensation of 8fear10 but when he was asked to dine with a ,mayor4 ,he had a horror of great dinners generally3 and he was right2 for true intellectual enjoyment is seldom there4 ,horace1 with his modest repasts and fair wine1 was something of the same opinion as ,horatio4 ,where the wine is indifferent1 the guests too numerous and ill-assorted1 the spirit heavy1 the time short1 and the repast too eagerly consumed1 there is no dinner1 in the legitimate sense of the word4 ,i never so much admired one of the most hospitable of ,amphitryons1 my friend ,m4 ,watier1 as when he once prefaced one of his exquisite dinners by saying1 with a solemn smile1 8,mes amis1 ne nous pressons pas60 ,i thought of ,talleyrand and his advice to a too willing ,secretary3--8,surtout1 pas de zle60 ,the most accomplished professor of his time has laid down1 as rules for securing to their utmost degree the prandial pleasures of table1 that the guests do not exceed twelve1 so that the conversation be general2 that they be of varied occupations1 but analogous tastes2 that the lighting1 cheerful cleanliness1 and temperature of the dining-room be carefully considered2 that the viands be exquisite rather than numerous1 and the wines of first quality1 each in its degree2 the progression of the former from the more substantial to the more light2 of the latter1 from the more brilliant to the more perfumed4 ,it is further enjoined that there be no accelerated movement2 all the guests are to consider themselves as fellow-travellers1 bound to reach one point at the same time4 ,the rules for the 8after-dinner0 in the drawing-room are those more commonly observed in this country1 with the exception that 8punch0 expired when lemons ceased to be dear at the ,peace2 but the concluding rule is worth noticing3--8,that no one withdraw before eleven1 and that all be asleep by midnight40 ,i have spoken of the aids which the ,french nobility have given to table enjoyment4 ,to them may be added the innovation introduced by ,talleyrand1 of offering ,parmesan with soup1 and presenting after it a glass of dry ,madeira4 ,talleyrand had one thing in common with ,st4 ,peter1--he was hungry at the hour of mid-day1 the dinner-time of the ,jews2 and he would have also come under the anathema in ,ecclesiastes which is levelled against the ,princes who eat in the morning4 ,plato was rather shocked at those people of ,italy who made two substantial meals daily2 and ,seneca was satisfied with one meal1--a dinner of bread and figs4 ,the ,roman ,priests of ,mars dined jollily and sumptuously in a secret room of the temple1 and they would not be disturbed4 ,they were like ,baillie de ,suffren1 who1 being waited on in ,india by a deputation1 just as he was sitting down to dine1 sent out word that his religion would not allow of his interrupting his repast2 and the delegates retired1 profoundly struck by the strictness of his conscience4 ,the original dinner hour of the medival ages was1 as ,i have elsewhere stated1 ten o'clock1 the dixime heure2 hence the name4 ,it was not till the reign of ,louis ,,xiv4 that so late an hour as noon was fixed for the repast4 ,it is clear1 however1 that we have not so much changed the hours as changed the names of our meals4 ,a ,french historian shows us how a ,dauphin of ,france dined 7at ten o'clock7 in the fifteenth century3-- 8,as an every-day fare1 the ,dauphin took for his dinner rice pottage1 with leeks or cabbage1 a piece of beef1 another of salt pork1 a dish of six hens or twelve pullets1 divided in two1 a piece of roast pork1 cheese1 and fruit40 ,the supper was nearly as plentiful2 but1 on particular days1 the bill of fare was varied4 ,it is added1 that the ,barons of the ,court had always the half of the quantity of the ,dauphin2 the ,knights1 the quarter2 and the ,equerries and ,chaplains1 the eighth4 8,take pride from ,priests1 and nothing remains10 once remarked an ,encyclopdist to ,voltaire4 8,umph60 said ,voltaire2 8do you1 then1 reckon gluttony for nothing80 ,gluttony1 at least1 does not seem to have characterized the ,dauphin's ,chaplains1 in the fifteenth century1 seeing that they took an eighth where a ,baron had half4 ,but there was a late ,prince of ,bourbon1 who dined after a more singular fashion than that of the ,dauphins1 his ancestors4 ,i allude to the ,prince mentioned by ,maurepas1 and whose imagination was so sick1 that he fancied himself a hare1 and would not allow a bell to be rung1 lest it should terrify him into the woods1 where he might be shot by his own game-keepers1 and afterwards served up at his own table4 ,at another time1 he had a fancy that he would look well dished up2 and1 dreaming himself a cauliflower1 he stuck his feet in the mould of his kitchen-garden1 and called upon his people to come and water him6 ,at length1 he pronounced himself dead1 and refused to dine at all1 as an insult to his spiritual entity4 ,he would have died1 had he not been visited by two friends1 who introduced themselves as his late father1 and the deceased ,marchal de ,luxembourg2 and who solemnly invited him to descend with them to the shades1 and dine with the ghost of ,marchal ,turenne4 ,the melancholy ,prince accepted with alacrity1 and went down with them to a cellar already prepared for the banquet of the departed2 and he not only made a hearty meal1 but1 as long as his fancy made of himself a ghost1 he insisted every day on dining with congenial shadows in the coal-cellar6 ,in spite of this monomaniacal fantasy1 he was excessively shrewd in all matters of business1 especially where his own interests were concerned4 ,thus much--briefly and imperfectly1 ,i fear--for ,dinner ,traits4 ,in the next chapter we will put something on them4 ,and as we have been drawing examples from folly1 let us end this section by adding a maxim full of wisdom4 8,be not made a beggar10 says ,ecclesiasticus1 8by banqueting upon borrowing1 when thou hast nothing in thy purse40 ,if this maxim were generally adopted1 there might be fewer dinners given1 but there would be more dinners paid for4 ,but some people are like the ancient ,belgians1 who borrowed1 and1 indeed1 lent1 upon promises of repayment in the world to come6 ,many a dinner-giver belongs to the class of the borrowing ,belgians of antiquity4 ,after all1 there was1 perhaps1 more intended honesty in the compact than we can distinguish4 ,a compact far less honest was made some years ago by an ,irish ,baronet1 who had given so many dinners for which he had not paid1 that he was compelled to pledge his plate in order to raise means to satisfy the most pressing of his creditors4 ,some time subsequently1 he induced the pawnbroker to lend him the plate for one evening1 on hire2 the pawnbroker's men were to wait at the dinner in livery1 and convey the silver back as soon as the repast was concluded4 ,the dinner was given and enjoyed1 and the company made the attendants drunk1 helped the ,baronet to pack up his forks1 spoons1 ladles1 and pergnes1 with which he set off for ,paris1 where some of them afterwards visited him at the little dinners he used to give in the ,rue de ,bourbon1 and laughed over the matter as a very capital jest4 ,i will only add here the record of the fact1 that sitting at table to drink1 after dinner was over1 was introduced by ,margaret ,atheling1 the ,saxon ,queen of ,scotland4 ,she was shocked to see the ,scottish gentlemen rise from table before grace could be said by her ,chaplain1 ,turgot2 and she offered a cup of choice wine to all who would remain4 ,thence the fashion of hard drinking following the 8thanksgiving40 ,,the ,,materials ,,for ,,dining4 8,all flesh is grass20 and grass has been the foundation of all feasts1 in a double sense4 ,it was not only a part of the early repast1 in some shape or another1 by derivation rather than immediately1 but it formed the most ancient seats occupied by primitive and pastoral guests in very remote times4 ,dr4 ,johnson approved of asparagus being called 8grass40 ,romulus thought grass a sacred emblem1 or he would not have suddenly converted his twelve lay foster-brothers into a priesthood to look after it4 ,when ,baber had defeated the ,afghans of ,kohat1 they approached him in despair1 and1 according to their custom when in extremities1 with grass between their teeth1 to signify1 as the imperial autobiographer says1 8,we are your oxen40 ,baber treated them worse than oxen2 for the amiable savage says1 8,all that were taken alive were beheaded by my order1 and at the next halting-place we erected a minaret of their skulls40 ,and the conqueror dined pleasantly in front of the monument4 ,my friend1 ,captain ,lionel da ,costa1 tells me1 that on accompanying 7en amateur7 a ,french force on a razzia against an ,arab tribe in ,algeria1 he witnessed the employment of grass as an emblem of defiance rather than of submission4 ,the ,french officers had assembled the ,arab ,chiefs1 and1 telling them that the foreigners had filled up their wells1 carried off their cattle1 and burned their dwellings1 exhorted them to submission1 asking them what they would do further against a country so powerful as ,france8 ,the ,arabs1 as if impelled simultaneously1 stooped to the earth1 plucked some scant blades of grass there growing1 and began chewing the same in angry silence3 this was all their reply1 and by it they intimated that they would eat what the earth gave1 like the beasts that are upon it1 rather than surrender4 ,their enemies could not refrain from admiring and feeding such adversaries2 their mute eloquence was worth more than any thing uttered to tyrants by ,power's statue of the ,greek ,slave1 which1 according to ,mrs4 ,elizabeth ,browning1 8thunders white silence10--a silence that must have been akin to that in the ,french ,tragedy1 8silence qui se fit entendre60 ,soup1 as ,i have remarked1 is not a bad preparation for the stomach4 ,some one calls it the 8preface of a dinner10 adding1 however1 that a good work needs no preface4 ,soup is of very ancient date4 ,rebecca and ,jacob ate of a pottage1 in which the meat was cut into small bits before the muscular fibres had cooled and become hardened1 and stewed in milk1 thickened with meal and herbs4 ,the famous ,french gastronomist1 the ,marquis de ,cussy1 was orthodox in his gastronomy1 fed well1 but heeded the church4 ,his favourite soup in ,lent was an onion soup1 composed of a score of small bulbs1 well cleaned1 sliced1 and put into a stew-pan1 with a lump of fresh butter and a little sugar4 ,they were turned over the fire till they became of a fine golden colour1 when they were moistened with broth1 and the necessary quantity of bread added4 ,before the soup was served1 its excellence was perfected by the addition of two small glasses of very old ,cognac brandy4 ,this ,lent fare was1 however1 only the preface to salmon and asparagus1 with which the orthodox epicure mortified his appetite4 ,the famous ,carme did with the soups he discovered1 what the most famous navigators have done with the new territories on which they were the first to land2 namely1 give them the names of the most illustrious contemporaries then existing4 ,royalty was honoured in the 8,potage ,cond20 music in that of 8,boieldieu20 and the medical faculty1 which ,carme generally despised1 in the 8,soupes la ,broussais1 ,roques1 and ,segalas20 poetry was illustrated in the 8,lamartine20 history in the 8,dumesnil20 and philosophy in the 8,potage ,buffon40 ,the last name he thus bestowed1 was to his last culinary inspiration just before death1 when he conferred on a vegetable soup the name of 8,victor ,hugo40 ,it was after reading the 8,messniennes10 that he created the 8,matelotte la ,delavigne20 and he paid the doctor who had cured him of an indigestion1 by inventing the dish of fish which he called 8,perche la ,gaubert40 ,and with this record we will put the fish on our own table4 8,it is only the ,arabs of the desert that affect to despise fish40 ,this eastern proverb is tantamount to the more homely one of1 8,the grapes are sour20 for the ,arabs only affect to despise that which they cannot readily obtain4 ,the ,jews were prohibited from eating fishes without scales or fins4 ,the ,egyptian ,priests cared not for fish of any sort1 but they generally allowed the people to eat with what appetite they chose1 of what the priesthood declined to taste4 ,it is said in the legend1 that ,st4 ,kevin lived by the fish he caught in the ,lake of ,glendaloch2 and that when the celebrated beauty tempted him1 she did it by flattery and suggestion3-- 8#8,you're a rare hand at fishing1' says ,kate1 #8,it's yourself1 dear1 that knows how to hook them2 ,but1 when you have caught them1 agrah6 ,don't you want a young woman to cook them8'0 ,gatis1 ,queen of ,spain1 was something like ,mr4 ,lover's 8,kate20 for1 if her subjects caught fish well1 she it was who first taught them how to cook what they caught1 and how to enjoy what they cooked4 ,when philosophers were occupied with inquiries touching the soul of an oyster1 fish was probably not a popular diet4 ,it certainly was not so in ,greece1 until a comparatively late period4 ,then fish became fashionable3 the legislature secured their freshness by decreeing that no seller should sit down until he had sold his entire stock2 sages discussed their qualities1 and tragic writers introduced heroes holding dialogues on the qualities of fish-sauce4 ,there was a ,greek society at that day 8against cruelty to fish10 by devouring what also1 allegedly1 made the devourer ferocious and inhuman2 but general society did not allow its appetite to be influenced thereby4 ,the ,romans were enthusiastic for the mullet4 ,it was for them the fish1 par excellence4 ,it was sometimes served up six pounds in weight1 and such a fish was worth #fj sterling4 ,it was cooked on the table1 for the benefit and pleasure of the guests4 ,in a glass vessel filled with brine made from water1 the blood of the mackerel1 and salt1 the live mullet1 stripped of its scales1 was enclosed2 and as its fine pink colour passed through its dying gradations1 until paleness and death ensued1 the convives looked on admiringly1 and lauded the spectacle4 ,the turbot was next in estimation2 but as1 occasionally1 offending slaves were flung into the turbot preserves for the fish to feed upon1 some gastronomists have affected to be horror-stricken at the idea of eating a turbot la ,romaine2 quite forgetting that so many of our sea-fish1 in their own domain1 feed largely on the human bodies which accident1 or what men call by that name1 casts into the deep4 ,our own early ancestors in ,britain were said to have entirely abstained from fish4 ,in later days1 however1 here as in ,france1 the finny tribes were protected by royal decrees2 and certain fish were named--the sturgeon was one--as to be caught for the royal table alone4 ,in the same days porpoises and seals were devoured by the commonalty1 and the latter knew not the art of the cooks of ,louis ,,xiv41 who could so dress fish as to give it the taste of any flesh they pleased to fix on as an object of imitation4 ,by this means1 the ,king in ,lent1 while he obeyed the church1 enjoyed the gratification of feeling as though he were cheating ,heaven1--and with impunity1 too6 ,the most curious fish of which ,i have ever read1 were those of a lake attached to a ,burgundian convent1 and which were always of the same number as the monks4 ,if one of these sickened and died1 the same circumstance occurred with the fish2 and if a new brother appeared in the refectory1 there was also sure to be found a new denizen in the pond4 ,these fish were1 of course1 piously inclined2 but they did not come up1 in that respect1 to the parrot of ,cardinal ,ascanius1 which could not only repeat the ,creed1 but could maintain a thesis6 ,i believe that the ,burgundian fish were principally perch2 and they are an eccentric fish4 ,arthur ,young says1 that 8about the year #agfj1 perch first appeared in all the lakes of ,ireland and in the ,shannon at the same time40 ,as a singularity with respect to the cooking of fish1 ,i may mention that observed by the ,romans with the sepia1 or 8cuttle-fish40 ,they invariably took out the eyes before boiling it4 ,it is in allusion to this custom that ,trachalion says1 in the ,rudens1-- 8,age nunc jam1 ,jube oculos elidere1 itidem ut sepiis faciunt coqui40 ,i think ,i have read somewhere1 that the cuttle-fish was esteemed a fitting sacrifice to the gods2 but ,i do not know if pious people had their pet sepi1 as they had their pet lambs and pigs1 78,sunt domi agni et porci sacres10 says the orthodox husband in the ,rudens17 reared for the purpose of being offered at the altars4 ,the sturgeon is at this day1 in ,china1 reserved for the imperial table4 ,at those of ,greece it was introduced by sound of trumpet1 and it was almost as esteemed a subject at those of ,rome1 until ,vespasian condescended not to care for it1 and to bring other fish into fashion4 8,it is caviare to the general10 is a proverb which ,shakspeare has popularized4 ,the caviare is the roe of the sturgeon dried2 that of the larger sturgeon1 which produces hundredweights of eggs1 and tons of oil1 is caviare for the general1 and is not worth eating4 ,the delicate white caviare is the produce of the smaller sturgeon1 and it is highly esteemed by gastronomists4 ,it forms a great portion of the food taken by the ,greeks during their long ,lent4 ,we have heard of an ,american who tried to tame an oyster4 ,the ,romans were more successful with their sea-eels1 which would come when called1 and feed from the hands of men1 who occasionally fattened them upon live slaves4 ,vedius ,pollio would have grown sick and disgusted1 if he had been asked to eat one of these slaves2 but he was particularly fond of the fish that had been fed upon such fare2 and so he only ate his slaves at second-hand2 for their flesh was declared by him to have greatly improved the taste of the eel4 ,epicures with less ferocious appetites preferred the fish that had been fattened upon veal steeped in blood4 ,vitellius put the fish altogether out of fashion by only eating the roes1 which were procured for him at a great expense2 and ,heliogabalus caused even the roes to cease to be modish1 by forcing them upon the ,mediterranean peasants1 who got as sick of their repasts as ,english servants in the ,scottish ,highlands grow weary of the everlasting sameness of their dinners consisting of venison and salmon4 ,the ,egyptians placed the sea-eel in their ,pantheon2 and even the unorthodox cannot deny that he was as good a deity as any to be found there2 and we are told that among the ,sybarites1 the fishers and vendors of the eel were exempt from taxation6 ,the origin of these honours is1 however1 unknown4 ,nearly as great were offered1 even in ,rome1 to the fish known as the sea-wolf1 which abounded in the most filthy parts of the ,tiber1 and which some epicures distinguished by the appellation of 8child of the gods40 ,the ,romans paid high prices for it1 as they did for the regicide lamprey1--a fish which killed our first ,henry1 and which ,italian cooks used to kill1 as the murderers did maudlin ,clarence1 in his ,malmsey butt1 by plunging the victim1 decked for the sacrifice with a nutmeg in his mouth1 and a clove in either gill1 into a pan of ,candian wine2 after which1 covered with almonds1 bread crumbs1 and spices1 he was exposed to a slow fire1 and then to the jaws that impatiently awaited him4 ,it was once as popular as the tunny1--a fish1 by the way1 which once so enriched the city of ,sinope1 that the coin minted there bore the figure of the fish4 ,where they are found at all1 it is generally in shoals2 but these are never to the extent which ,pliny speaks of1 when he says that they so obstructed the fleet of ,alexander1 that the pilots of the ,macedonian madman were compelled to shape a different course2 and though they are to be found in something like abundance in the ,mediterranean1 yet tourists who resort thither must not expect to see realized the gay picture of ,vernet4 ,it does not appear1 however1 that the tunny was ever in such favour at ancient tables as the eel1 which was greedily eaten where it was not devoutly worshipped1 or where medical ordinances had not been directed against it1 as unfavourable to the weak of digestion1 and perilous to those affected by pulmonary diseases4 ,the pike1 emblem of fecundity and example of lengthened years1 was still less popular4 ,the carp1 which even surpasses the pike in fecundity1 and is a long liver to boot1 was1 on the other hand1 an especial favourite1 but it was served up with sauces that would certainly not tempt a modern gastronomist to eat a fish which is seldom worth eating1 and which is almost defiant of digestion4 ,carp1 reduced to a pulp1 and served up with sows' paps1 and yolk of egg1 must have been as nasty as gold fish with carrots and myrtle leaves1--the delight of the ,roman loungers at their 8,blackwall10 on the ,tiber4 ,so the ,greeks spoiled good cod by eating it with grated cheese and vinegar2 and the ,romans made perch more indigestible than it was before1 by swallowing ,damascus plums with it4 ,but the ancients had strangely accommodating stomachs2 a sauce of honey could induce them to eat cuttle-fish4 ,garlic and cheese made the swordfish delicacies2 the rhombus floated into ,greek stomachs on a sauce of wine and brine2 the ladies of ,rome ate onions with the muzil1 and pine-nuts with the pilchard4 ,the more refined ,greeks1 on the other hand1 would not touch the pilchard2 and the same difference of taste existed with regard to the loach2 while1 again1 both ,rome and ,greece united in admiration of the gudgeon4 ,to neither of these countries was the herring known4 ,the ,scots found the fish1 and the ,dutch bought1 pickled1 and sold1 or ate them2 and it is said that ,charles ,v41 in #aecf1 ate a herring upon the tomb of ,beuckels1 the first salter of that fish1 and therewith friend of the poor1 and enricher of the ,state4 ,the profit realized by ,holland exceeded two millions and a half sterling1 annually4 ,but neither ,greece nor ,rome felt the want of the herring while there was an abundant supply of the favourite oyster4 ,this shell-fish was easily procured by the ,greeks from ,pelorus1 ,abydos1 and ,polarea2 by the ,romans1 from ,brinds1 the ,lake of ,lucrinus1 ,armorica1 and even from ,britain4 ,the ,romans were hardly worthy of the delicacy1 seeing that they abused it by mincing oysters1 mussels1 and sea hedgehogs together1 stewed the whole with pine-almonds and hot condiments1 and devoured the mixture scalding6 ,others1 however1 ate them raw1 when they were opened at table by a slave2 and the larger the fish1 the more the ,roman epicures liked them4 ,they were not only eaten before a feast to stimulate the appetite1 but during a banquet1 when the appetite began to be palled4 ,they excited to fresh exertion1 and it was a cleaner custom 7perhaps7 than that imperial one of exonerating the stomach by tickling the throat with a peacock's feather4 ,the ,bourdeaux oyster was the favourite fish of most of the ,emperors4 ,it is very inferior to the ,whitstable oyster1 however1 and also to that which goes by the name of 8,colchester10 and which is not caught there4 ,the passion for the savoury fish is well illustrated in the epitaph which says1-- 8,tom ---- ,lies buried in these cloisters2 ,if1 at the last trump1 ,he does not quickly jump1 ,only cry #8,oysters6'0 ,if the ,emperors affected oysters1 the gods themselves patronized mussels1 a dish of which was contributed by ,jupiter to the wedding banquet of ,hebe4 ,the mythological sanction has1 however1 failed to render the mussel popular1 and for good reasons4 ,it is often extremely poisonous1 and in certain conditions of the stomach they who eat mussels may reckon upon being attacked by violent cutaneous disorders1 painfully participated in by the oppressed intestines4 ,it was otherwise with the tortoise1 the blood of which was reckoned good in cases of ophthalmia1 and the flesh of which was eagerly devoured4 ,the natural history of the products of those early times seems to have been written by philosophers with very poetical imaginations4 ,we read of shells of tortoises being converted into roofs of cottages1 as we are told by ,pliny of crawfish measuring four cubits in length4 ,it was then that men ate lobsters au naturel1 and crabs converted into sausages4 ,but this latter dish was a more dainty one than that afforded by the frog1--the abhorrence of early gastronomists1 but the delight of many ,french and ,german epicures1 who first find delight in angling for these unclean beasts with a bait of yellow soap1 and then swallowing1 with delight more intense1 the hind-quarters of the animal they have caught4 ,but if the moderns swallow frogs1 the ancients ate the polypus1--and which were the nastiest even ,i could not tell6 ,the ,romans were especially fond of fish2 and some 8fast0 epicures among them not only had preserve ponds of fish on the roofs of their houses1 but little rivulets stocked therewith around the dinner-table1 whence the guests selected their fish1 and delivered them to be cooked4 ,it was once thought that the prawn1 or shrimp1 was somehow necessary to the production of soles1 acting1 it was believed1 as a sort of nurse1 or foster-parent1 to the spawn4 ,but this ,i suppose to be about as true as that soles always swim in pairs1 with three-pennyworth of shrimps behind them1 ready for sauce4 ,i remember two anecdotes connected with fish at table1 which a guest may retail when he is next at that period of the repast4 ,talleyrand was dining1 in the year #ahje1 with the ,minister of ,finance1 who did the honours of his house in the very best style4 ,a very fine carp was on the table opposite to ,talleyrand1 but the fish was already cold4 8,that is a magnificent carp10 said the financier3 8how do you like it8 ,it came from my estate of ,vir-sur-,aisne40 8,did it80 said ,talleyrand1 8but why did you not have it cooked here80 ,this reply was not as fatal to the utterer of it1 as a remark once made by ,poodle ,byng at ,belvoir ,castle4 8,ah1 ah60 he exclaimed1 as he saw the fish uncovered at the ,duke of ,rutland's board1 8my old friend ,haddock6 ,i have not seen a haddock1 at a gentleman's table1 since ,i was a boy40 ,the implication shut the gates of ,belvoir on the unlucky ,poodle from that day forward4 ,he was never again the ,duke's guest4 ,some ,french writers have asserted1 after tracing the 8vestiges of creation0 according to a fashion of their own1 that man originally sprang from the ocean2 and that his present condition is one of development1 the consequence of life ashore1 and exposure to atmospheric air6 ,according to this theory1 ,i suppose1 ,venus ,anadyomene was the ,eve of our fishy generation1 and mermaids show the transition state1 when our ancestors were of both land and sea1 and yet properly of neither6 ,as judges of fish1 the moderns are inferior to the ancients4 ,a ,greek or ,roman epicure could1 at first sight1 tell in what waters the fish before him had been caught4 ,this sort of wisdom is1 however1 not uncommon to oyster-eaters1 who swallow so greedily what contains little nourishment1 but what may be easily digested4 ,it was not unusual1 some years ago1 in ,france1 for a gourmand to prepare for dinner by swallowing a gross1 or a dozen dozen1 of oysters6 ,twelve of them1 including the liquor1 will weigh four ounces2 and the gross1 four pounds 7,troy76--a pretty amount of ballast whereupon to take in freight4 ,the skin of such a feeder had need be in a good condition2 but so1 indeed1 ought that of every one who cares for his digestion4 ,when we remember that a person in health1 who takes eight pounds of aliment during twenty-four hours of his wakefulness1 discharges five of the eight pounds solely through the pores by perspiration1 it will at once be seen that to hold the skin clean1 and keep the pores unobstructed1 is of first-rate necessity for the sake of digestion and comfort4 ,there are sea-board populations who live almost exclusively on fish4 ,they feed their domestic animals upon it1 and with it manure their ground2 so that the pork they may occasionally indulge in1 acquires a fish-like flavour1 and their bread is but a consequence of the plentiful rottenness of sprats4 ,such populations are usually lean and sallow1 but they are strong-muscled and active-limbed2 and altogether they afford good testimony in favour of the efficacy of a fish diet1 when no better is to be had4 ,as a diet1 fish is only so far stimulating that it augments the lymph rather than renews the blood4 ,it is a puzzle to many gastronomic philosophers that fish was so constant a diet of the monkish orders4 ,its heating quality hardly suited men who were required to be ever coolly contemplative4 ,but this matter ,i leave to the philosophers to determine4 ,one of them1--that is1 a gastronomic philosopher1--,m4 ,fayot1 says1 that 8if you would have a dinner composed altogether of fish10 the meal should consist of 8a turbot1 a large salmon done in a court-bouillon1 flanked with aromatic herbs1 and covered with a fresh winding-sheet of delicate seasoning4 ,in such dinners1 sea-fish have1 undoubtedly1 the first rank2 and among them the ,cherbourg lobster1 the shrimp of ,honfleur1 the cray-fish of the ,seine1 and the smelts of that river's mouth1 and numerous fresh-water fish mingle agreeably4 ,salmon and turbot should be done briskly2 drink afterwards a glass of those old wines which give a digestive action to the stomach40 ,with ,m4 ,fayot1 the turbot is 8the king of fish1 especially in ,lent1 as it is then of most majestic size4 ,you may serve up salmon with as much ornament as you will1 but a turbot asks for nothing but aristocratic simplicity4 ,on the day after he makes his first appearance1 it is quite another affair4 ,it may be then disguised2 and the best manner of effecting this is1 to dress him la ,bchamel1--a preparation thus called from the ,marquis de ,bchamel1 who1 in the reign of ,louis ,,xiv41 for ever immortalized himself by this one ragot40 ,the ,almanach des ,gourmands speaks of a ,lorraine carp which was fed on bread and wine1 and which was twice sent to the ,paris market1 in the care of a courier who travelled by the mail4 ,it returned to its native waters in default of a purchaser willing to give thirty louis-d'ors for the monstrous delicacy4 ,this was when fish dinners were much in vogue in ,paris4 ,there was then a table d'hte for a fish repast only1 held at a house profanely called1 8,the ,name of ,jesus40 ,this house stood in the 8,clotre ,st4 ,jacques de l',hpital10 and every ,wednesday and ,friday it was crowded by the ,clergy1 who dined magnificently on maigre fare1 for about #bs4 a head4 ,it is of one of these that ,fayot recounts a pleasant story1 the locality1 however1 of which was the ,rocher de ,cancale4 ,a certain ,abb dined there so copiously off salmon1 that a fit of indigestion was the consequence4 ,some days afterwards1 when celebrating ,mass1 the savoury memories of the fish flocked into his mind2 and he was heard to murmur1 not the me culp of the 8,confiteor10 but1 as he quietly beat his breast1 8,ah6 that capital salmon6 that capital salmon60 ,of the more nutritive species of fish1 turbot1 cod1 whiting1 haddock1 flounder1 and sole1 are the least heating4 ,of these1 the cod is the least easy of digestion1 though turbot is quite as difficult of digestion when much lobster sauce is taken with it4 ,the crimping of cod facilitates the digesting of the fish4 ,sole and whiting are easily digested4 ,salmon is nutritive1 but it is oily1 heating1 and not very digestible2 far less so than salmon trout4 ,the favourite parts of most of these fish are the least fit for weak stomachs1 and the most trying to strong ones4 ,salmon1 caught after the spawning season has commenced1 is almost poisonous2 and eels are objectionable at all seasons1 from their excessive oiliness4 ,shell-fish generally may be put down as 8indigestible10 particularly the under-boiled lobsters of the ,london market4 ,the mussel is especially so2 and these are not rendered innocuous by the removal of the beard1 which is not more hurtful than any other part4 ,shell-fish1 and1 indeed1 fish generally1 affects the skin1 by sympathy with the stomach4 ,the effect is1 sometimes1 as if a poison had been generated3 at others it very sensibly affects the odour of the cutaneous secretions4 ,this effect was thoroughly understood when the ,levitical ,priests1 like those of ,egypt1 were prohibited from eating fish4 ,the prohibition was based upon a just principle4 ,the ,egyptian and ,levitical ,priests were more obedient to such prohibitions than ,st4 ,patrick1 who once1 overcome by hunger1 helped himself to pork chops on a fast-day4 ,an angel met him with the forbidden cutlets in his hand2 but the saint popped them into a pail of water1 pattered an ,ave-,mary over them1 and our indulgent ,lady heeded the appeal by turning them into a couple of respectable and orthodox-looking trout4 ,the angel looked perplexed1 and went away1 with his index finger on the side of his nose4 ,and see what came of it6 ,in ,ireland1 meat dipped into water1 and christened by the name of 8,st4 ,patrick's ,fish10 is commonly eaten there even on fast-days1 and to the great regret of all those who eat greedily enough to acquire an indigestion4 ,st4 ,patrick's fish ought to have fetched as high a price as the four cod which formed the sole supply in ,billingsgate-market on one of the great frost-days in ,january1 #ahji2 they were sold to one dealer for fourteen guineas4 ,during the same month1 salmon was sold at a guinea a pound6 ,when fish is so high-priced1 it is time to have done with it4 ,so1 enlevez6 and let us to the succeeding courses of viands more substantial4 ,while the fish is being removed1 ,i will merely relate that it was the practice of ,sir ,joshua ,reynolds1 who gave plentiful dinners to admirable men1 in his house in ,leicester ,square1 always to choose his own fish1 of which he was a capital judge4 ,he was1 on those occasions1 ever the first visitor to the fish-shop still existing1 in its primitive simplicity1 in ,coventry-street4 ,he selected the best2 and later in the day1 his niece1 ,miss ,palmer1 used to call1 dispute the price1 and pay for the fish4 ,sir ,joshua's table is said to have been too crowded1 both as to guests and dishes1 while there was scant attendance1 and a difficulty of getting served2 but the hilarity compensated for all4 ,the guests enjoyed themselves with a vulgar delight that would have very much ruffled the dignity of such a pompous president at repasts as the bewigged1 bepatched1 and bepowdered ,sir ,peter ,lely4 ,with the introduction of animal food is dated the era of professional cooks2 and that era itself is set down by ,m4 ,soyer1 a competent authority1 as having commenced in the year of the world #afef4 ,other authorities give #bdab as the proper date1 when ,prometheus1 or ,forethought1 as his name implies1 taught men the use of fire1 and cooked an ox4 ,but ,i think that both dates and mythology are somewhat loose here1 and that the period is easier of conjecture than of determination4 ,ceres killed the pig that devoured her corn1 ,bacchus the goat that nibbled at the tendrils of the vine1 and ,jupiter the ox that swallowed his sacred cakes2 and the animals slain by deities were roasted and eaten by men4 ,another tradition is1 that roast meat originally smoked only on the altars of the gods1 and that the ,priests lived on the pretended sacrifices1 until some lean and greedy heretic1 having wickedly pilfered the sacred viands1 so improved under the diet1 that his example was promptly followed1 and men took to animal food1 in spite of the thunder of gods and the anathemas of ,priests4 ,i need not say where there is better authority than all these pretty tales for man's subduing to his use and service the beasts of the earth1 the birds of the air1 and the fishes of the sea4 ,a rearer of cattle was1 in the olden time1 an aristocrat in his way4 ,the gods looked after his herds1 and the law gave its protection where ,olympian divinity so often proved worthless4 ,bubona sat the watchful goddess of their fattening2 and it was she who blessed the cabbages steeped in vinegar1 the straw and wheat-bran1 and the bruised barley1 wherewith the oxen were prepared for the cattle-show or the market4 ,in the latter1 the office of the ,roman ,prefect fixed the selling price3 the breeder could neither ask more nor take less than according to the official tariff4 ,there was a singular custom at one time in ,rome1 which proves1 however1 that the seller had a voice in declaring the value of his stock4 ,purchaser and vendor simultaneously closed1 and then suddenly opened1 one of their hands1 or some of the fingers4 ,if the number of fingers on both sides was even1 the vendor obtained the price which he had previously asked for his meat2 but if the number was uneven1 the buyer received the viands for the sum he had just before tendered4 ,this was as singular a custom as1 and a more honest one than1 that adopted by the first ,dutch settlers in ,america4 ,in their trading with the ,indians a ,dutchman's fist was established as the standard of weight1 with this understanding1 that when a ,dutchman was selling to an ,indian his fist weighed a pound1 but that it should only be half that weight when the ,hollander was a purchaser6 ,the ,roman markets were well supplied1 and the pig seems to have been the national favourite4 ,the ,emperors used to distribute thousands of pounds of pork to the poor1 as on festive occasions we1 less magnificently1 divide among the needy our time-honoured ,english roast beef4 ,there was even an edict against making sausages of any thing but pork1--an edict which is much needed in some of our suburbs1 where 8pork sausages0 are made of any thing but pig2--and1 after all1 they could not be made of a dirtier animal4 ,but the grave ,romans strangely reverenced this unclean beast4 ,pliny places him only one degree below humanity2 and certainly the porcine and human stomachs are very much alike6 ,in the ,east1 our ancient friend was a ,pariah1 and his position among the unclean was fixed by a ,jewish doctor1 who said1 that if ten measures of leprosy were flung into the world1 nine of them would naturally fall to the execrated pig4 ,there is no doubt that the eating of the flesh of the pig in hot climates would bring on diseases in the human system akin to leprosy2 and this fact may have tended to establish the unpopularity of the animal throughout the ,east1 and to account also for the prohibition4 ,galen1 however1 prescribed it as good food for people who worked hard2 and there are modern practitioners who maintain that it is the most easily digested of all meats4 ,it is certainly more easy of digestion than that respectable impostor1 the boiled chicken1 which used so cruelly to test1 and defy1 the feeble powers of invalids4 ,pigs were fatted1 both in ,greece and ,rome1 until they had attained nearly the bulk of the elephant4 ,these fetched prices of the most 8fancy0 description2 and they were served up whole1 with an entire ,noah's-ark collection of smaller animals inside1 by way of stuffing4 ,a clever cook could so dress this meat as to make it have the flavour of any other viand2 and the first culinary artistes of the day prided themselves on the preparation of a ragot composed of young pigs stifled before they were littered4 ,the mother would have had no difficulty in performing this feat herself for her own young1 if sows generally had been as huge as the one mentioned by ,varro1 and which he says was so fat as to be incapable of movement1 and to be unconscious that a mouse1 with a young family1 had settled in the folds of her fat1 where they lived like mites in cheese4 ,in another page1 ,i have spoken of what were called 8the sacred pigs and lambs40 ,menchmus1 in ,plautus1 asks the price of the 8porci sacres1 sinceri40 8,sacres0 was applied to all animals intended for immolation4 ,the sinceri porci were the white and spotless pigs offered to the ,lares on behalf of the insane4 ,the merchant who gives instruction1 in the ,pseudolus1 to his servant1 as to the splendid repast that is to be served up on his birthday1 is very particular on the subject of pork2 and he shows us what parts formed a dish that might tempt princes1--the ham1 and the head3 8,pernam1 callum1 glandium1 sumen1 facito in aqu jaceant40 ,if men were not1 anciently1 fonder of beef than of pork1 the reason1 perhaps1 was1 that the ox was religiously reverenced1 because of his use to man1 whereas the pig was really of no value at all but for consumption4 ,the excellence of the ox as food was1 nevertheless1 very early ascertained1 and acted on by some primitive people4 ,the ,jews were permitted to eat of that of which ,abraham had offered a portion to angels2 and calf and ox were alike an enjoined food4 ,the ,greeks1 too1 devoured both with much complacency1 as they also did tripe1 which was deemed a dainty fit for heroes4 ,indeed1 for tripe there was an ancient and long-standing propensity among the early nations4 ,it formed the chief dish at the banquets of men who met to celebrate the victory of mortals and gods over the sacrilegious ,titans4 ,the lamb and the kid have smoked upon divine altars and humble tables4 ,the ,greeks were especially fond of both1 and the ,romans were like them in this respect2 but the ,egyptians religiously abstained from the kid2 and more than one ,eastern nation held1 as of faith1 that the lamb was more fitting as an offering to the gods than as a dish for men4 ,on the other hand1 there were people who preferred the flesh of the ass1 which was not an uncommon dish at ,roman tables1 where dogs1 too1 were served as a dainty2 for ,hippocrates had recommended them as a refined food2 and the ,greeks swallowed the diet thus authoritatively described4 ,the ,romans1 however1 are said to have eaten the dog out of vengeance4 ,the curs of the ,capitol were sleeping1 when the sacred and watchful geese saved it by their cackling2 and thence arose1 it is believed1 the avenging appetite with which puppies1 dressed like hares1 were tossed into the stomachs of the unforgiving ,romans4 ,they were also sacrificed to the ,dog-star4 ,it is worthy of remark1 that ,mexico was partly conquered by aid of the pig4 ,cortez was in need of supplies of fresh meat on his march1 and he took with him a large herd of swine1--sows as well as pigs1--8these animals being very suitable for a long journey1 on account of their endurance of fatigue1 and because they multiply greatly40 ,the ,indians1 on most occasions1 however1 appear to have been able to have supplied him plentifully3 for we read1 that at ,campeche1 for instance1 in return for his presents1 they placed before him partridges1 turtle-doves1 goslings1 cocks1 hares1 stags1 and other animals which were good to eat1 and bread made from ,indian corn1 and fruits4 ,it was1 for all the world1 like meeting a burglar at your dining-room door1 and asking him to stay and take breakfast1 before he went off with the plate6 ,when the uncle of ,job entertained his heavenly visitors1 the dish he placed before them was 8roasted veal10 of a freshly killed calf4 ,it was tender1 because the muscular fibres had not had time to become stiff2 and its pleasant accompaniments were melted butter1 milk1 and meal-cakes4 ,veal is the national dish of ,germany1 where mutton is scarce1 and calves abundant4 ,it is poor food at any time2 but the ,german veal is the most tasteless of meats4 ,there1 indeed1 is applicable the smart saying of that ardent young experimentalist1 who declared that eating veal was as insipid an enjoyment as kissing one's sister6 ,cardinal ,zinzendorf used to denounce pork quite as strongly4 ,he deemed pigs to have been of no use but for their blood1 of which he himself used to make a bath for his legs1 whenever he had the gout4 ,quixote ,bowles1 on the other hand1 held pig1 in any form1 to be the divinest of meats1 and the animal the happiest of all created things4 ,with true ,apician fervour1 he would travel any distance to feast on the sight of a fatted porker2 and a view of that prize pig of ,prince ,albert's1 which was so uniformly huge that1 at first sight1 it was difficult to distinguish the head from the tail1 would have made him swoon with gentle ecstasy4 ,bowles was an epicure in bacon2 and1 whenever he went out to dinner1 he took a piece of it1 of his own curing1 in his pocket1 and requested the cook to dress it4 ,the people of the ,society ,islands carry respect for pigs even beyond the compass of ,bowles4 ,they believe that there is a distinct heaven for the porcine souls2 and this paradise of pigs is called by them 8,ofatuna40 ,the ,polynesian pig is certainly a more highly favoured animal than his cousin in ,ireland2 for1 in a ,polynesian farm household1 every pig has his proper name1 as regularly as every member of the family4 ,perhaps1 the strangest cross of pigs ever heard of1 was that of ,mr4 ,tinney's famous breed for porkers1--,chinese1 crossed by a half-,african boar2 the meat was said to be delicious4 ,finally1 with respect to pigs1 they are connected with a popular expletive1 with which they have1 in reality1 nothing to do4 8,please the pigs60 is shown1 ,i think by ,southey in his 8,espriella10 to be a corruption of 8,please the pyx60 ,the pyx is the receptacle which contains the consecrated wafer on ,romish altars2 and the exclamation is equal to 8,please ,god60 ,the corruption is as curious a one as that of 8tawdry10 from 8't ,audrey10 or ,st4 ,audrey's fair1 famous for the sale of frippery1--showy1 cheap1 and worthless4 ,they who are half as particular about mutton as ,quixote ,bowles was about pork1 would do well to remember1 that sheep continue improving as long as their teeth remain sound1 which is usually six years2 and that1 at all events up to this time1 the older the mutton1 the finer the flavour4 ,a spayed ewe1 kept five years before she is fattened1 is superior to any wether mutton4 ,dr4 ,paris1 however1 states that wedder mutton is in perfection at five years old1 and ewe mutton at two years old2 but he acknowledges that the older is the more digestible4 ,it is the glory of one locality1 famous for its sheep1 that the rot was never known to be caught upon the ,south ,downs4 ,it is further said1 that a marsh1 occasionally overflowed with salt water1 was never known to rot sheep4 ,a curious fact is stated by ,young1 in his 8,survey of ,sussex20 namely1 that ,lord ,egremont had1 in his park1 three large flocks of the ,hereford1 ,south-,down1 and ,dishley breeds2 and that these three flocks kept themselves perfectly distinct1 although each had as much opportunity of mixing with the others as they had with themselves4 ,i have alluded1 in another page1 to a circumstance first noticed1 ,i believe1 by ,madame ,dacier1--that there is no mention of boiled meat1 as food1 throughout ,homer's ,iliad4 ,the fair commentator is right2 but 8boiling0 is1 nevertheless1 used by the poet as a simile4 ,when 7in the twenty-first book7 ,neptune applies his flames to check the swelling fury of ,scamander1-- 8,the bubbling waters yield a hissing sound1 ,as when the flames beneath a caldron rise1 ,to melt the fat of some rich sacrifice4 ,amid the fierce embrace of circling fires ,the waters foam1 the heavy smoke aspires3 ,so boils th' imprison'd flood1 forbid to flow1 ,and1 choked with vapours1 feels his bottom glow60 ,this is not a very elegant version of the original1 it must be confessed1 albeit the translation is ,pope's4 ,it is1 however1 the only reference to boiling to be found in ,homer1 and here the fat of the sacrifice boiled down is that of a pig4 4 ,i do not know that ,i can take leave of mutton and the meats by doing them greater honour than by mentioning that ,napoleon ate hastily of mutton before he entered on the contest at ,leipsic1 and he lost the triumph of the bloody day through a fit of indigestion4 ,before the era of kitchen gardens1 scurvy was one of the processes by which the ,english population was kept down4 ,cabbages were not known here until the period of ,henry ,,viii42 and turnips are so comparatively new to some parts of ,england1 that their introduction into the northern counties is hardly a century old4 ,a diet exclusively of animal food is too highly stimulant for such a climate as ours2 and an exclusively vegetable diet is far less injurious in its effects4 ,no meat is so digestible as tender mutton4 ,it has just that degree of consistency which the stomach requires4 ,beef is not less nutritious1 but it is rather less easy of digestion1 than mutton3 much1 however1 depends upon the cooking1 which process may1 really not inaptly1 be called the first stage of digestion4 ,the comparative indigestibility of lamb and veal arises from the meat being of a more stringy and indivisible nature4 ,old laws ordained that butchers should expose no beef for sale1 but of an animal that had been baited4 ,the nature of the death rendered the flesh more tender4 ,a coursed hare is thus more delicious eating than one that has been shot2 and pigs whipped till they die1 may be eaten with relish1 even by young ladies who pronounce life intolerable4 ,a little vinegar1 administered to animals about to be killed1 is said1 also1 to render the flesh less tough2 and it is not unusual to give a spoonful of this acid to poultry1 whose life is required for the immediate benefit of the consumer4 ,some carnivorous animals have been very expert at furnishing their own larder4 ,thus we read1 that the eagles in ,norway exhibit as much cunning in procuring their beef as can well be imagined2 and more1 perhaps1 than can well be believed4 ,they dive into the sea1 we are told1 then roll in the sand1 and afterwards destroy an ox by shaking the sand in his eyes1 while they attack him4 ,i think the ,french eagle tried a similar plan with the ,english bull1 during the wars of the ,empire1 and very ineffectually4 ,it dived into the sea1 and rolled itself in the sand at ,boulogne1 and shook abundance of it across the ,channel2 but the ,english bull more quietly shook it off again from his mane1 and the eagle turned to an easier quarry in ,austria4 ,animals not carnivorous have sometimes been as expert4 ,there have been horses1 for instance1 who have had their peculiar appetite also for meat4 ,some twenty years ago1 we heard of one at ,brussels1 which1 fond of flesh generally1 was particularly so of raw mutton1 which it would greedily devour whenever it could get1 as it sometimes did1 to a butcher's shop4 ,the ,jews1 it is said1 never ate poultry under their old dispensation2 and ,french gastronomists assert that this species of food was expressly reserved to enrich the banquets of a more deserving people4 ,about the merits of the people the poultry1 and winged animals generally1 would perhaps have an opinion of their own1 were they capable of entertaining one2 for nowhere1 as in ,france1 have those unfortunate races been so tortured1 and merely in order to extract out of their anguish a little more exquisite enjoyment for the palled appetites of epicures4 ,the turkey has1 perhaps1 the least suffered at the hands of the ,gallic experimentalists1 though he has not altogether escaped4 ,the goose has been the most cruelly treated1 especially in the case of his being kept caged before a huge fire1 and fed to repletion until he dies1 the ,daniel ,lambert of his species1 of a diseased liver1 which is the most delicious thing possible in a pie4 ,but it is ignoble treatment for the only bird which is said to be prescient of approaching earthquakes4 ,the goose saved ,rome1 and was eaten in spite of his patriotism4 ,he is skilled in natural philosophy1 and his science does not save him from death and sage-and-onions4 ,nay1 even a female ,sovereign of ,england could not hear of the defeat of the ,spanish ,armada without decreeing 8death to the geese10 until the time comes when ,mr4 ,macaulay's ,huron friend shall be standing on a fragment of ,blackfriars' ,bridge1 sketching the ruins of ,st4 ,paul's4 ,it must be allowed1 however1 that the scientific ladies of farm-yards have improved upon the knowledge of their ancestresses4 ,formerly1 of turkeys alone1 full one-half that pierced the shell perished2 but now we rear more than fifteen out of twenty4 ,i do not know1 however1 that that fact is at all consolatory to the turkey destined to be dined upon4 ,themistocles ordered his victory over ,xerxes to be yearly commemorated by a cock-fight2 and the bird itself was eaten out of honour1 as dogs in ,rome were for reasons of vengeance4 ,at ,rome1 the hen was the favourite bird2 but hens were consumed in such quantities1 that ,fannius1 the ,consul1 issued a decree1 prohibiting their being slain for food1 during a certain period2 and1 in the mean time1 the ,romans 8invented the capon40 ,the duck was devoured medicinally1 that is1 on medical assurance that it was good diet for weak stomachs2 and there were great sages who not only taught that duck1 as a food1 would maintain men in health1 but that1 if they were ill1 the ample feeding thereon would soon restore them again4 ,mithridates1 it is alleged1 ate it as a counter-poison2 other people1 of other times and places1 simply because they liked it4 ,the goose was in as much favour as the duck with the digestion-gifted stomachs of the older races4 ,it was the royal diet in ,egypt1 where the ,monarch did not1 like ,queen ,elizabeth1 recommend it to the people1 but selfishly decreed that it was only to be served at his own table4 ,gigantic geese1 with ultra-gigantic livers1 were as much the delight of epicures in ,rome1 as the livers1 if not the geese1 are now the voluptas suprema of the epicure of ,france1 and of countries subject to the ,french code of diet4 ,a liver weighing as much as the rest of the animal without it1 was a morceau1 in ,rome1 to make a philosopher's mouth water4 ,this was not proof of a more depraved taste than that exhibited by a ,christian ,queen of ,france1 who spent sixteen hundred francs in fattening three geese1 the delicate livers of which alone ,her ,majesty intended to dine upon4 ,the pigeon and guinea-hen never attained to such popularity as the goose and duck2 while the turkey1 and especially the truffled turkey-hen1 has its value sufficiently pointed out by the saying of the gastronome1 that there must be two at the eating of a truffled turkey1--the eater and the turkey6 ,the turkey1 originally from the ,east1 was slowly propagated in ,europe1 and the breed appears to have gradually passed away1 like the bustard in ,england4 ,it was brought hither again from ,america1 and its first re-appearance is said to have been at the wedding-dinner of ,charles ,,ix4 of ,france4 ,the turkey was not protected1 as the peacock was by ,alexander1 by a decree denouncing death against whomsoever should kill this divine bird1 with its devilish note4 ,the decree did not affect ,quintus ,hortensius1 who had one served up at the dinner which celebrated his accession to the office of ,augur4 ,tiberius1 however1 preserved the peacock with great jealousy1 and it was only rich breeders that could exhibit this bird at their banquets4 ,a man who passes through ,essex may see whole 8herds0 of geese and ducks in the fields there1 fattening without thought of the future1 and supremely happy in their want of reflection4 ,these birds are 8foreigners20 at least1 nearly all of them are so4 ,they are ,irish by birth1 but they are brought over by steam1 in order to be perfected by an ,english education2 and when the due state of perfection has been attained1 they are1 like many other young people partaking of the 8duck0 or the 8goose10 transferred to ,london1 and 8done for40 ,some gastronomic enthusiasts1 unable to wait for their favourite birds1 have gone in search of them4 ,this was the case with the oily ,jesuit1 ,fabi1 who so loved beccaficoes4 8,as soon as the cry of the bird was heard in the fields around ,belley10 says the author of the 8,physiologie du ,got10 8the general cry was1 #8,the beccaficoes are come1 we shall soon have ,father ,fabi among us4' ,and never did he fail to arrive1 with a friend1 on the #ast of ,september4 ,they came for the express purpose of regaling themselves on beccaficoes1 during the period of the passage of the bird across the district4 ,to every house they were invited in town1 and they took their departure again about the #bcrd40 ,this good ,father died in our 8glorious memory0 year of #afhh2 and one of his choice bits of delirium was1 that he had discovered the circulation of the blood before ,harvey6 ,and now do ,i not hear that gentleman-like person at the lower end of the table remark1 that the circulation of the blood was a conceived idea long before ,harvey8 ,you are quite right1 my dear ,sir2 and your remark is a very appropriate one1 both as to time and theme1 for the circulation of the blood is one of the results of cooking4 ,as for preconception of the idea1 it is sufficient for ,harvey1 that he demonstrated the fact4 ,the ,doctors of ancient ,roman days supposed that the blood came from the liver2 and that1 in passing through the vena cava and its branches1 a considerable quantity of it turned about1 and entered into the right cavity of the heart4 ,what ,harvey demonstrated was1 that the blood flows from the heart into all parts of the body1 by the arteries1 from whence it is brought back to the heart again1 by the veins4 ,well1 ,sir1 ,i know what you are about to remark1--that ,paolo ,sarpi1 that pleasantest of table-companions1 claimed to have made the demonstration before ,harvey4 ,true1 ,sarpi used to say1 that he did not dare publish his discovery1 for dread of the ,inquisition2 but that he confided it to brother ,fabi da ,aqua-pendente1 who kept it close for the same reason1 but told it in confidence to ,harvey1 who published it as his own4 ,well1 ,sir1 ,sir ,george ,ent exploded all that1 by proving that ,sarpi himself had first learned the fact from ,harvey's lips4 ,the ,italians have the same right in this case1 as they have to their boast of having produced what old ,ritson used to style1 8that thing you choose to call a poem1 #8,paradise ,lost4'0 ,it was an invention or discovery at second-hand4 ,what conceits ,cowley has in his verses on ,harvey6 ,he makes the philosophical ,doctor pursue coy ,nature through sap1 and catch her at last in the human blood4 ,he speaks1 too1 of the heart beating tuneful marches to its vital heat2 a conceit which ,longfellow twisted into prettiness1 when he said1 that our 8muffled hearts were beating funeral marches to the grave40 ,you will remember1 ,sir1 that ,shakspeare makes ,brutus say1 that ,portia was to him 8dear as the drops that visit this sad heart40 ,brutus himself would1 perhaps1 have said 8liver20 and1 by the way1 how very much to the same tune is the line in ,gray's 8,bard10 wherein we find1-- 8,dear as the light that visits these sad eyes40 ,but there is in tuneful ,edmund1 in our ever-glorious friend ,spenser1 a stanza which contains something that may pass for the circulation theory4 ,you remember1 in the first canto of the ,second ,book1 where the bleeding lady is found by the good ,sir ,guyon3-- 8,out of her gord wound the cruel steel ,he lightly snatch'd1 and did the flood-gates stop ,with his faire garment2 then 'gan softly feel ,her feeble pulse1 to prove if any drop ,of living blood yet in her veynes did hop2 ,which when he felt to move1 he hopd faire ,to call back life to her forsaken shop4 ,so well he did her deadly wounds repaire1 ,that at the last shee 'gan to breathe out living aire40 ,and now1 ,sir1 ,i shall be happy to take a glass of wine with you1 obsolete as that once honoured custom has become4 ,and allow me to send you a slice of this venison4 ,a little more of the fat8 ,certainly2 but1 if you will take currant jelly with it1 the sin be upon your own head4 ,it has always been the approved plan1 you say4 ,ah1 my dear ,sir6 think what the approved plan was1 for years1 in the treatment of small-pox4 ,that was not a gastronomic matter1 you say8 ,i am not so sure of that2 for the patient1 swathed in scarlet cloth1 had to drink mulled port wine4 ,but1 on a question of diet1 time and numbers1 you think1 may be taken for authority4 ,alas1 my dear ,sir6 did you ever try the once popular receipt of ,apicius for a thick sauce to roasted chicken8 ,never6 of course you have not2 for1 in such case1 your young widow would already have touched that pretty life-assurance we wot of4 ,english tastes1 you urge8 ,ah6 in that case1 if old rule be good rule1 you must camp in ,kensington ,gardens1 and eat acorns4 ,in ,germany1 where venison is a national dish1 the idea of currant jelly would ruin the digestion of a whole company4 ,but ,i see you are incorrigible1 and ,william is at your elbow with the doubtful sauce4 ,galen could not appreciate venison as the early ,patriarchs and the ,jewish people did1 and as the ,roman ladies did1 who ate of it as a preserver of youth1 as well as a lengthener of life4 ,a roebuck of ,melos would have brought tears of delight into the eyes of ,diogenes4 ,the deer was preferred to the roebuck at ,rome2 but the wild boar was also a favourite2 and the ,sicilian slave1 chef to ,servilius ,rullus1 cooked not less than three of different sizes in one4 ,the largest had baskets of dates suspended to its tusks1 and a litter of young ones in pastry lying in the same dish4 ,within the first was a second1 within the second a third1 and within the third some small birds4 ,cicero1 who was the guest for whom the dinner was got up1 was as delighted with the culinary slave1 as ,lucullus had been a few days before1 when he had eaten a dish of sows' paps prepared by the same artist2 and the enraptured gastronome thought that all ,olympus was dissolving in his mouth6 ,a wild boar was at marriage feasts what our wedding cakes are at those dreadful destroyers of time and digestion1--wedding breakfasts1--an indispensable accompaniment4 ,caranus1 the ,macedonian1 has the reputation of having exceeded all others in his nuptial magnificence2 for1 instead of one boar at his banquet1 he had twenty4 ,but ,i have seen more than that at many a breakfast in ,britain4 ,the ancient ,britons abstained from the hare1 like the ,jews4 ,hippocrates held that1 as a food1 it thickened the blood1 and kept people from sleep2 but ,galen--and such instances among the faculty are not uncommon--differed from his professional brother4 ,people followed the advice of ,galen2 and though few1 like ,alexander ,severus1 could eat a whole hare at every repast1 yet many ate as plentifully as they well could1 accounting such diet profitable both to health and good looks4 ,hares were nearly as injuriously abundant in ,greece as rabbits were in ,spain1 where the latter animals are said to have once destroyed ,tarragona1 by undermining it in burrowing6 ,nay1 more3 the ,balearic ,isles were so overrun with them1 that the inhabitants1 afraid of being devoured1 sent an embassy to ,rome2 and ,augustus dispatched a military force1 which not only slaughtered the enemy1 but ate the half of them6 ,the more refined gluttons of ,rome did not dine on the rabbit after this fashion4 ,they only picked a little of the young taken alive from the slaughtered mother1 or killed soon after birth4 ,they were preferable to the rabbits of the ,parisian gargottes1 where fricasse de lapins is invariably made of cats4 ,and these1 perhaps1 are as dainty eating as the hunch of the camel1 or the feet of the elephant1--pettitoes for ,brobdignagian lovers to sup upon4 ,but we almost as villanously disguise our poultry4 ,the latter1 if not now1 used--according to ,darwin--to be fed for the ,london market1 by mixing gin1 and even opium1 with their food1 and keeping them in the dark2 but 8they must be killed as soon as they are fattened1 or they become weak and emaciated1 like human drunkards40 ,game was almost as sacred to the ,egyptian ,priests1 as eggs to the sacerdotal gentlemen of some of the modern tribes of ,africa4 ,under the head of 8game10 we no longer admit the birds which1 according to ,belon1 figured at the gastronomic tables of ,france in the sixteenth century4 ,these were the crane1 the crow1 and the cormorant1 the heron1 the swan1 the stork1 and the bittern4 ,the last-named bird was in high estimation1 although the taste for it was confessedly an 8acquired0 one4 ,the larger birds of prey were not then altogether despised by epicures1 some of whom could sit down with an appetite to roast vulture1 while they turned with loathing from the plump pheasant4 ,this eastern bird1 however1 has1 with this exception1 enjoyed a deserved reputation from the earliest ages4 ,the ,egyptian ,kings kept large numbers of them to grace their aviaries and their triumphs4 ,the ,greeks reared them for the less sentimental gratification of the stomach2 and a simple ,athenian republican1 when giving a banquet1 prided himself on having on his board as many pheasants as there were guests invited4 ,pheasants' brains were among the ingredients of the dish that ,vitellius invented1 and which he designated by the name of 8,shield of ,minerva40 ,they were greedily eaten by many other of the ,csars2 and an offering of them to the statue of ,caligula was deemed to be propitiatory of that very equivocal deity4 ,the ,emperors generally esteemed them above partridges1 which were trained for fighting1 as well as fattened for eating4 ,roman epicures fixed on the breast as the most 8eatable0 portion of the gallant bird4 ,the ,greeks thought of it as we do of the woodcock2 and with them the leg of the partridge was the part the most highly esteemed4 ,at a ,greek table would not have occurred the smart dialogue which is said to have taken place at an ,english dinner4 8,shall ,i send you a leg or a wing80 said a carver to a guest he was about to help4 8,it is a matter of perfect indifference to me10 was the reply2 and it is not a courteous one4 8,it is a matter of equal indifference to me10 said the first speaker1 at the same time resuming his own knife and fork1 and going on with his dinner4 ,quails are variously said either to have recalled ,hercules to life1 or to have cured him of epilepsy4 ,the ,romans1 however1 rather feared them1 as tending to cause epileptic fits4 ,galen thought so2 ,aristotle took a different view1 and the ,greeks devoured them as readily as though they had ,aristotle's especial authorization2 and the ,romans were only slowly converted to the same way of thinking4 ,quails1 like partridges and the game-cock1 were long reared for the arena2 and legislators thought that youth might learn courage from contemplating the contests of quails6 ,the thrush was perhaps the most popular bird at delicate tables in ,greece4 ,they were kept from the young1 lest the taste should give birth to permanent greediness2 but when a girl married1 she was sure of a brace of thrushes1 for her especial eating at the wedding-feast4 ,they were still more popular in ,rome1 where patrician ladies reared thousands yearly for the market1 and made a further profit by selling the manure for the land4 ,the thrush aviary of ,varro's aunt was one of the sights of ,rome1 where men ruined themselves in procuring dishes composed of these birds for their guests4 ,greatly1 however1 as they abounded1 there was occasionally a scarcity of them2 for when the physician of ,pompey prescribed a thrush1 by way of exciting the wayward stomach of the wayward soldier to enjoyment1 there was not one to be found for sale in all ,rome4 ,lucullus1 indeed1 had scores of them2 but ,pompey1 like many other obstinate people1 chose rather to suffer than put himself under an obligation2 and he contrived to get well on other diet4 ,the diet was1 nevertheless1 held to be exceedingly strengthening2 and blackbirds1 also1 were prescribed as fitting food for weak digestions4 ,it was perhaps for this reason that the celebrated 8,four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie10 were the dainty dish set before the legendary and1 presumedly1 dyspeptic ,king6 ,in later times1 we have had as foolish ideas connected with them4 ,the oil in which they were cooked was said to be good for sciatica1 or hip-gout2 and ,vieillot says that freckles might be instantaneously removed from the skin1 if----but ladies would never try what ,vieillot recommends4 ,the blackbird was not imperially patronized4 ,the stomachs of the gastronomic ,csars gave more greedy welcome to the flamingo4 ,caligula1 ,vitellius1 and ,heliogabalus ruined their digestions by ragots of this bird1 the tongues of which were converted into a stimulating sauce4 ,dampier ate the bird1 when he could get nothing else2 and thought the ,csars fools for doing so when they could get any thing beside4 ,the ancients1 whether ,greeks or ,romans1 showed more taste in eating beccaficoes1--that delicate little bird1 all tender and succulent1 the essence of the juice of the fruits 7especially the fig7 on which it feeds4 ,the only thing to be compared with it is the ortolan4 ,had ,heliogabalus confined himself to these more savoury birds1 instead of acquiring indigestion on ostrich brains and flamingoes1 his name would have held a more respectable place in the annals of gastronomy4 ,but master and people were alike barbarous in many of their tastes4 ,who now would think of killing turtle-doves for the sake of eating their legs 8devilled80 ,and yet we eat the lark1 that herald of the skies1 and earliest chorister of the morn4 ,we eat this ethereal bird with as little compunction as we do the savoury1 yet unclean1 of the earth1 earthy1 duck4 ,and this thought reminds me of a story1 for which ,i am indebted to a friend1 himself the most amiable of ,amphitryons1 the good things at whose table have ever wit1 wisdom1 mirth1 and good-fellowship attendant1 as aids to digestion4#a ,a ,,light ,,dinner ,,for ,,two4 ,many years ago1 when railways were things undreamt of1 and when the journeys from ,oxford to the metropolis were inevitably performed on that goodly and pleasant high road which is now dreary and forlorn1 a gentleman and his son1 the latter newly flushed with ,college fame and ,university honours1 rode forth over ,magdalen ,bridge and the ,cherwell1 purposing to reach ,london in a leisurely ride4 ,a groom1 their only attendant1 carrying their scanty baggage with him on a good stout cob1 had been sent on in advance to order dinner at a well-known road-side hostelry1 where ,oxford nags baited1 and where their more adventurous riders frequently caroused1 out of reach of any supervision by ,principals or ,pro-,proctors4 ,pleasant is the spot1 well approved by past generations of ,freshmen1 picturesque and charming to an eye content with rich fields1 luxuriant meadows1 and pretty streams1 tributaries of the now adolescent ,thames1 whose waters had not at that date been polluted by barge or lighter at that point of its course4 ,the neighbourhood is famous for its plump larks2 and whether in a savoury pudding1 swimming with beefsteak gravy1 or roasted1 a round half-dozen together1 on an iron skewer or a tiny spit1 those little warblers furnished forth a pretty adjunct on a well-spread table1 tempting to an appetite somewhat appeased by heavier and more substantial viands4 ,mine host at our road-side quarters had a cook who dressed them to a nicety2 contriving to produce or develope a succulency and flavour which meaner practitioners would scarcely have deemed practicable4 ,now ,martin1 pursuant to his master's instructions for securing a repast of ducks and the dainty lark1 finding the landlord brought out from his shady porch by the clatter of the horse's hoofs on the well-beaten road1 announced the approaching arrival1 and ordered dinner4 8,my master wishes to find a couple of larks1 and a dozen of ducks1 well roasted1 on his arrival at four o'clock40 8,did ,i understand you rightly1 young man80 said ,boniface4 8,o60 said the varlet1 pettishly1 8in ,oxford no landlord needs twice telling20--and betook himself to the stables1 looking forward to the enjoyment of a tankard of good house-brewed ale1--no brewer's iniquitous mixture1--and the opportunity of shining with some lustre in the tap1 or the kitchen1 before country bumpkins1 eager to listen to a man like himself1 who had seen racing at ,newmarket and ,doncaster1 and high life at ,bath and ,cheltenham4 ,meantime1 his masters came leisurely along the road1 nor thought of applying a spur1 until the craving bowels of the younger horseman1 whose digestive organs were unimpaired by ,college theses and examinations1 suggested a lack of provender2 and1 their watches1 when consulted1 indicating the near approach of the dinner hour1 they broke off their chat1 and soon drew rein at their place of temporary sojourn4 ,finding the cloth laid1 and the busy waiter's preparations nearly complete1 they glanced with satisfaction at a table of somewhat unnecessary dimensions1 considering the limited extent of the party1 which our young ,hellenist would have described as a 8duality40 ,just as our travellers were growing impatient1 the landlord1 having previously satisfied himself1 by obsequious inquiry1 that his guests were quite ready1 re-entered1 bearing a dish with bright cover1 and heading as good a procession of domestics1 each similarly laden1 as the limited resources of his modest establishment admitted4 ,the large number of dishes rather surprised the elder of the twain1 whose mind was less absorbed by the suggestions of appetite2 and1 having dispatched the sole attendant left for a bottle of the best ,madeira the cellar could supply1 and a jug of that malt liquor for which the house had obtained some notoriety1 he proceeded to look under the formidable range of covers4 ,seeing under the first a couple of ducks1 he said1 8,come1 this is all right60 but finding the next1 and the next1 and still the next1 but a repetition of the same1 either with or without the odour of seasoning1 he fairly stood aghast1 when six couple of goodly ducks stood revealed before him4 ,the young collegian's mirth was great1 his laugh hearty1 at the climax of two pretty little chubby larks which closed the line of dishes4 ,apple sauce and gravy1 broccoli and potatoes1 stood sentries1 flanking the array4 ,upon his ringing the bell with no gentle hand1 the landlord himself stepped in from the passage1 where he appeared to have awaited a summons2 and1 in answer to a question the reader may easily anticipate1 replied that the servant's order was precise1 and that it was impatiently repeated upon his own hesitation in accepting it4 ,the respectability of the landlord1 and the evident truthfulness of his manner1 stayed all further questions4 ,but the elder gentleman said firmly1 that he should not pay for what had been so absurdly provided2 alleging1 that no two1 or even three1 persons could be found who would do justice to such provisions4 ,the landlord1 like ,othello1 8upon that hint spake20 for he saw a faint chance of righting a somewhat difficult matter4 8,o1 ,sir10 said he1 8,i think ,i could find a man hard by1 who would not consider the supplies too much for his own appetite40 8,produce him10 said the guest1 8and settle the point2 for1 if you do1 ,i will pay for the whole40 ,the anxious landlord said no more2 but1 bowing1 left in search of a neighbouring cobbler1 whose prowess with the knife and fork was pre-eminent in the vicinity4 ,meantime1 our hungry travellers sat down to dinner with such good will1 that each of them disposed of one of the regiment2 and1 in a joint attack1 a third fell mutilated1 leaving but fragmentary relics4 ,a lark a-piece was a mere practical joke2 and cheese1 with celery1 left nothing farther wanting to appease those cravings which had prompted them to action4 ,while these little matters were in progress1 the landlord had found the shoemaker1 and told his story4 8,well10 said ,lapstone1 8this is plaguy unlucky1 for ,i've just had a gallon of broth6 ,such a famous chance1 too2 for if there is any thing ,i am particularly fond of1 certainly ducks is a weak point1 ,sir40 ,boniface1 thinking it his only chance1 urged him to try2 and the man of bristles1 nothing loth1 consented4 ,on being duly introduced1 orders were given for setting-to on the spot1 to insure fair play1 and defeat any supplementary aid1 or a deposit in any other pocket1 save that with which the savage in a nude state finds himself provided1--the stomach4 ,while the travellers sipped their wine1 and trifled with their dessert1 the voracious cobbler fell heartily to work on the row of eight ducks before him3 one having been sent down for the undeserving groom1 whose blunder had proved a godsend to the man of leather4 ,wisely eschewing vegetables1 and eating scantily of bread1 the disjecta membra of the doomed ducks rapidly yielded up their savoury integuments4 ,but flesh is weak1 and cobblers' appetites are not wholly unappeasable2 so that while the fifth victim was under discussion1 a stimulant1 in the shape of 8a little brandy10 was requested2 and when the sixth was but slowly and more slowly disappearing1 poor ,lapstone1 who began to think farther progress impossible1 was seen whispering to the landlord4 ,the gentleman loudly demanded what the fellow was saying4 8,sir10 said the landlord1 promptly and cunningly1 8he says1 he wishes there were half-a-dozen more2 for he is just beginning to enjoy them40 8,confound the rascal's gluttony10 cried the travellers2 8not a bit more shall he have4 ,put the remaining couple by for our supper2 for we shall not leave your house till to-morrow30--an arrangement affording much relief to the shoemaker1 and entire satisfaction to the innkeeper4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to return to the lark4 ,it is worthy of notice1 that ,london is annually supplied1 from the country about ,dunstable alone1 with not less than four thousand dozen of these succulent songsters4 ,at ,leipsic1 the excise on larks1 for that single city1 amounts to nearly #a1jjj sterling yearly4 ,the larks of ,dunstable and ,leipsic are1 ,i presume1 8caught napping40 ,they are not1 then1 like the nightingale1 who is said to sing all night1 to keep herself awake1 lest the slow-worm should devour her4 ,and this reminds me of a remark which ,i once heard made by one who disputed the fact1 that every thing had its use4 ,mr4 ,jerdan could not conjecture what use there could be in the cimex1 that domestic 8,b flat10 which may be found in old beds and old parchments4 ,so my friend could not divine the utility of a slow-worm1 or of that unclean parasite1 the 8louse10 which1 by the way1 infects birds as well as dirty humanity1 and even reaches these same aspiring larks4 ,for the use of the slow-worm ,i referred him to natural history2 for that of the pediculus1 ,i could only state that it is swallowed by some country-people as a cure for jaundice6 ,at ,hardenberg1 in ,sweden1 it held a position of some importance4 ,when a ,burgomaster had to be chosen1 the eligible candidates sat with their beards upon the table1 in the centre of which was placed a louse2 and the one in whose beard he took cover was the ,magistrate for the ensuing year4 ,after the ceremony1 the company supped upon ducks1 and sang like larks4 ,the household of ,job was of a hospitable cast4 8,his sons went and feasted in their houses1 every one on his day20 7which is explained as being the birth-day27 8and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and drink with them40 ,we know what materials the joyous family had to make a superb feast2 and doubtless he who presided thereat was as proud as the ,knight who1 by virtue of triumphing in the tournament1 alone had the right to carve the peacock which was placed before him--plumage1 tail1 and all--by the fairest 8she0 to be found in the vicinity4 ,after all1 the peacock was inferior to the succulent and sweet-throated thrush4 ,the proper time for eating thrushes1 and1 indeed1 much other of the small game of the bird species1 is towards the end of ,november4 ,the reason assigned by a ,french epicure is1 that1 after they have been fattened in the fields and vineyards1 they then give a biting1 bitter aroma to their flesh by feeding on juniper-berries4 ,the ,romans fed them on a paste made up of figs1 wheat1 and aromatic grains4 ,the ,roman epicures were as fond of them as the ,marquis de ,cussy was of red partridges1 one of which he ate on the day of his death1 and after a six months' illness4 ,it was his last act2 and1 in gastronomic annals1 it is recorded1 as ,nelson's calling for sealing-wax amid the thunders of ,copenhagen1 or his writing to ,horatia before he went to meet death at ,trafalgar1 is noticed by the biographers of our naval heroes4 ,statistics1 which are as pleasantly void of truth as poetry1 generally speaking1 set down the enormous total of nearly fifty-two millions of francs as the sum expended yearly in ,france for fowls of all species4 ,taking the amount of population into consideration1 this would prove that ,france is a more fowl-consuming nation than any other on the face of the globe4 ,in a dietetic point of view1 it would be well for weak stomachs to remember1 that wild birds are more nutritious than their domesticated cousins1 and more digestible4 ,but the white breast or wing of a chicken is less heating than the flesh of winged game4 ,other game--such as venison1 which is dark-coloured1 and contains a large proportion of fibrine--produces highly stimulating chyle2 and1 consequently1 the digestion is an easy and rapid affair for the stomach4 ,but1 though the whiter meats be detained longer in the stomach1 furnish less stimulating chyle1 and be suffered to run into acetous fermentation1 their lesser stimulating quality may recommend them when the general system is not in want of a spur4 ,meats are wholesome1 or otherwise1 less with reference to themselves than to the consumer4 8,to assert a thing to be wholesome10 says ,van ,swieten1 8without a knowledge of the condition of the person for whom it is intended1 is like a sailor pronouncing the wind to be fair1 without knowing to what port the vessel is bound40 ,cardinal ,fesch would have made an exception in the case of 8blackbirds40 ,his dinners at ,lyons were reverenced for the excellence and variety of these dishes4 ,the birds were sent to him weekly from ,corsica2 and they were said to incense half the archiepiscopal city4 ,they were served with great form2 and none who ate thereof ever forgot the flavour which melted along his palate4 ,the ,cardinal used to say that it was like swallowing paradise1 and that the smell alone of his blackbirds was enough to revivify half the defunct in his diocese4 ,quite as rich a dish may be found in the pheasant which has been suspended by the tail1 and which detaches himself from his caudine appendage1 by way of intimation that he is ready4 ,it is thus1 we are told1 that a pheasant hung up on ,shrove ,tuesday is susceptible of being spitted on ,easter-day6 ,it is popularly said in ,france of the pheasant1 that it only lacks something to be equal to the turkey6 ,a wise saying1 indeed6 but1 the truth is1 the two cannot be compared4 ,our own popular adage regarding the partridge and woodcock has far better grounds for what they assert3-- 8,if the partridge had but the woodcock's thigh1 ',twould be the best bird that ever did fly4 ,if the woodcock had but the partridge's breast1 ',twould be the best bird that ever was dress'd40 ,the partridge is much on the ground1 the woodcock ever on the wing2 and these parts1 and the immediate vicinity of them1 acquire a muscular toughness1 not admired by epicures4 ,the vegetarians may boast of a descent as ancient as that claimed by the ,freemasons4 ,in ancient days1 if1 indeed1 flesh-meat was not denounced1 unmeasured honour was paid to vegetables4 ,monarchs exchanged them as gifts1 wise men and warriors supped on them after study and battle1 ,chiefs of the noblest descent prepared them with their own hands for their own tables1 agricultural chymists tended their planting1 and pious populations raised some of them to the rank of gods4 ,the ,licinian ,law enacted their use1 while it restricted the consumption of meat2 and the greatest families in ,rome derived their names from them4 ,fabius was but ,general ,bean1 ,cicero was ,vice-,chancellor ,pea1 and the house of ,lentulus took its appellation from the slow-growing ,lentil4 ,the kitchen-garden of ,henry ,,viii4 was worse supplied than that of ,charlemagne1 who not only raised vegetables1 but1 as ,gustavus ,vasa's ,queen did with her eggs and milk1 made money by them4 ,he was a royal market-gardener1 and found more profit in his salads than he did in his sons4 ,a salad1 by the way1 was so scarce an article during the early part of the last century1 that ,george ,i4 was obliged to send to ,holland to procure a lettuce for his ,queen2 and now lettuces are flung by cart-loads to the pigs4 ,asparagus and artichokes were strangers to us until a still later period4 ,the bean has1 from remote times1 held a distinguished place4 ,isidorus asserts that it was the first food used by man4 ,pythagoras held that human life was in it4 ,by others the black spot was accounted typical of death2 and the ,flamen of ,jupiter would neither look upon it nor pronounce its name4 ,the ,priests of ,apollo1 on the other hand1 banqueted on a dish of beans at one of the festivals of their god4 ,those of sculapius taught that the smell of beans in blossom was prejudicial to health2 and farmers' wives1 in the days of ,baucis and ,philemon1 maintained that hens reared on beans would never lay eggs4 ,the 8bean0 was once the principal feature in the ,twelfth-,night cake2 and he to whose share fell the piece containing the vegetable was ,king for the night4 ,the last ,twelfth ,night observed1 with ancient strictness1 at the ,tuileries1 was when ,louis ,,xviii4 was yet reigning4 ,among his guests was ,louis ,philippe1 ,duke of ,orleans1 who was lucky enough to draw the bean1 and thereby became ,monarch for the nonce4 8,my cousin10 said ,louis ,,xviii41 8is ,king at last60 8,i will never accept such title10 answered the over-modest ,duke2 8,i acknowledge no other ,king in ,france but your ,majesty1 and will not usurp the name even in jest60 ,excellent man6 he was at that very moment intriguing to tumble from his throne that very ,king1 loyalty for whom he expressed with so much of unnecessary and enforced ceremony4 ,the haricot blanc1 or white kidney bean1 deserves to be introduced more generally into our kitchens4 ,there are various methods of dressing them2 but the best is to have them softened in the gravy of a leg of mutton2 they are then a good substitute for potatoes4 ,they are nearly as good1 dressed with oil or butter2 and ,napoleon was exceedingly fond of them1 dressed as a salad4 ,of course1 we allude here to the bean which1 in full maturity1 is taken from the pod1 and eaten in winter4 ,in ,england we eat the pod itself1 7in summer17 split1 and served with roast mutton and venison4 ,the mature bean1 however1 makes an excellent dish4 ,and1 -propos to ,monarchs1 it is to ,alexander that we are indebted for the ,indian 8haricot20 and the vegetable had a fashion in ,greece and ,rome worthy of its distinguished introducer4 ,but this fashion was not a mere consequence2 for grey peas were as universally eaten4 ,the people were so fond of these1 that political aspirants bought votes of electors in exchange for them4 ,they formed the principal refreshment of the lower citizens at the circus and the theatre1 where1 instead of the modern cry of 8,oranges1 biscuits1 porter1 and bill of the play60 was to be heard that of 8,peas6 peas6 ram peas6 grey peas6 and a programme of the beasts and actors60 ,green peas were not known in ,france until the middle of the sixteenth century4 ,they were grown1 but people no more thought of eating them than we do the sweet pea4 ,the gardener ,michaux was born1 and he it was who first sent green peas to a ,christian table4 ,when ,alexander1 son of ,pyrrhus1 wished to keep all the beans that grew in the ,thesprotian ,marsh for his own eating1 the gods dried up the marsh1 and beans could never be made to grow there again4 ,so1 when ,king ,antigonus put a tax on the healing spring that flowed at ,edessa1 the waters disappeared2 and the people were not1 in either case1 benefited4 ,what lumbering avengers were those heathen deities6 ,the cabbage has had a singular destiny1--in one country an object of worship2 in another1 of contempt4 ,the ,egyptians made of it a god2 and it was the first dish they touched at their repasts4 ,the ,greeks and ,romans took it as a remedy for the languor following inebriation4 ,cato said that in the cabbage was a panacea for the ills of man4 ,erasistratus recommended it as a specific in paralysis2 ,hippocrates accounted it a sovereign remedy1 boiled with salt1 for the colic2 and ,athenian medical men prescribed it to young nursing-mothers1 who wished to see lusty babies lying in their arms4 ,diphilus preferred the beet to the cabbage1 both as food and as medicine1--in the latter case1 as a vermifuge4 ,the same physician extols mallows1 not for fomentation1 but as a good edible vegetable1 appeasing hunger and curing the sore-throat at the same time4 ,the asparagus1 as we are accustomed to see it1 has derogated from its ancient magnificence4 ,the original 8grass0 was from twelve to twenty feet high2 and a dish of them could only have been served to the ,brobdignagians4 ,under the ,romans1 stems of asparagus were raised of three pounds' weight1--heavy enough to knock down a slave in waiting with4 ,the ,greeks ate them of more moderate dimensions1 or would have eat them1 but that the publishing doctors of their day denounced asparagus as injurious to the sight4 ,but then it was also said1 that a slice or two of boiled pumpkin would re-invigorate the sight which had been deteriorated by asparagus4 8,do that as quickly as you should asparagus60 is a proverb descended to us from ,augustus1 and illustrative of the mode in which the vegetable was prepared for the table4 ,the gourd does not figure at our repasts as commonly as it did in the east of ,europe in mythological times1 when it was greedily eaten1 boiled hot1 or preserved in pickle4 ,the readers of ,athenus will remember1 how a party of philosophers lost their temper1 in a discussion as to whether the gourd was round1 square1 or oblong1--how a coarse-minded doctor interrupted the discussion by a very incongruous remark1--and how the venerable sage who was in the chair called the rude man to order1 and then bade the disputants proceed with their argument4 ,a still more favourite dish1 at ,athens1 was turnips1 from ,thebes4 ,carrots1 too1 formed a distinguished dish at ,greek and ,roman tables4 ,purslain was rather honoured as a cure against poisons1 whether in the blood by wounds1 or in the stomach from beverage4 ,i have heard it asserted in ,france1 that if you briskly rub a glass with fingers which have been previously rubbed with purslain1 or parsley1 the glass will certainly break4 ,i have tried the experiment1 but only to find that the glass resisted the pretended charm4 ,broccoli was the favourite vegetable food of ,drusus4 ,he ate greedily thereof2 and1 as his father1 ,tiberius1 was as fond of it as he1 the master of the ,roman world and his illustrious heir were constantly quarrelling1 like two clowns1 when a dish of broccoli stood between them4 ,artichokes grew less rapidly into aristocratic favour2 the dictum of ,galen was against them2 and1 for a long time1 they were only used by drinkers1 against headache1 and by singers1 to strengthen their voice4 ,pliny pronounced artichokes excellent food for poor people and donkeys6 ,for nobler stomachs he preferred the cucumber1--the ,nemesis of vegetables4 ,but people were at issue touching the merits of the cucumber4 ,not so1 regarding the lettuce1 which has been universally honoured4 ,it was the most highly esteemed dish of the beautiful ,adonis4 ,it was prescribed as provocative to sleep2 and it cured ,augustus of the malady which sits so heavily on the soul of ,leopold of ,belgium1--hypochondriasis4 ,science and rank eulogized the lettuce1 and philosophy sanctioned the eulogy in the person of ,aristoxenus1 who not only grew lettuces as the pride of his garden1 but irrigated them with wine1 in order to increase their flavour4 ,but we must not place too much trust in the stories either of sages or apothecaries4 ,these ,pagans recommended the seductive1 but indigestible1 endive1 as good against the headache1 and young onions and honey as admirable preservers of health1 when taken fasting2 but this was a prescription for rustic swains and nymphs1--the higher classes1 in town or country1 would hardly venture on it4 ,and yet the mother of ,apollo ate raw leeks1 and loved them of gigantic dimensions4 ,for this reason1 perhaps1 was the leek accounted1 not only as salubrious1 but as a beautifier4 ,the love for melons was derived1 in similar fashion1 probably1 from ,tiberius1 who cared for them even more than he did for broccoli4 ,the ,german ,csars inherited the taste of their ,roman predecessor1 carrying it1 indeed1 to excess2 for more than one of them1 as may be seen in another page1 submitted to die after eating melons1 rather than live by renouncing them4 ,i have spoken of gigantic asparagus3 the ,jews had radishes that could vie with them1 if it be true that a fox and cubs could burrow in the hollow of one1 and that it was not uncommon to grow them of a hundred pounds in weight4 ,it must have been such radishes as these that were employed by seditious mobs of old1 as weapons1 in insurrections4 ,in such case1 a rebellious people were always well victualled1 and had peculiar facilities1 not only to beat their adversaries1 but to eat their own arms4 ,the horse-radish is1 probably1 a descendant of this gigantic ancestor4 ,it had1 at one period1 a gigantic reputation4 ,dipped in poison1 it rendered the draught innocuous1 and1 rubbed on the hands1 it made an encounter with venomed serpents mere play4 ,in short1 it was celebrated as being a cure for every evil in life1--the only exception being1 that it destroyed the teeth4 ,there was far more difference of opinion touching garlic1 than there was touching the radish4 ,the ,egyptians deified it1 as they did the leek and the cabbage2 the ,greeks devoted it to ,gehenna1--and to soldiers1 sailors1 and cocks that were not 8game40 ,medicinally1 it was held to be useful in many diseases1 if the root used were originally sown when the moon was below the horizon4 ,no one who had eaten of it1 however1 could presume to enter the ,temple of ,cybele4 ,alphonso of ,castile was as particular as this goddess2 and a ,knight of ,castile1 8detected as being guilty of garlic10 suffered banishment from the royal presence during an entire month4 ,parsley has fared better1 both with gods and men4 ,hercules and ,anacreon crowned themselves with it4 ,it was worn both at joyous banquets and funeral feasts2 and not only horses1 but those who bestrode them1 ate of the herb1 in order to find the excitement to daring which otherwise lacked4 ,in contrast with parsley stood the water-cress1 a plant honoured and eaten only by the ,persians4 ,it was1 indeed1 medically esteemed as curative of consumption1 and1 by placing it in the ears1 of toothache4 ,but the wits and ,plutarch denounced its use in any case2 and few cared to affect love for a plant which was popularly declared to have the power of twisting the noses of those who put it into their mouths6 ,parsley was as popular in what may be called 8classical0 times1 as the asparagus has invariably been with a particular class in ,france4 ,this vegetable has ever been1 ,i know not wherefore1 a favourite vegetable with the officials of the ,gallican ,church4 ,one day1 ,monseigneur ,courtois de ,quincy1 ,bishop of ,belley1 was informed that an asparagus head had just pierced the soil in ,his ,eminence's kitchen-garden1 and that it was worth looking at4 ,cardinal and convives rose from table1 visited the spot1 and were lost in admiration at what they saw4 ,day by day the ,bishop watched the growth of the delicious giant4 ,his mouth watered as he looked at it1 and happy was he when the day arrived in which he might with his own hands take it from the ground4 ,when he did so1 he found1 to his disappointment1 that he held a wooden counterfeit1 admirably turned and painted by the ,canon ,rosset1 who was famous for his artistic abilities1 and also for his practical jokes4 ,the joke on this occasion was taken in good part1 and the counterfeit asparagus was admitted to the honour of lying on the ,bishop's table4 ,i have noticed1 that asparagus has been suggested as one of the substitutes for coffee4 ,in this case1 the seeds are taken from the berries1 by drying the latter in an oven1 and rubbing them on a sieve4 ,when ground1 the seeds make a full-flavoured coffee1 not inferior1 it is said1--but that is doubtful1--to the best ,mocha4 ,it was the opinion of ,pliny1 that nature intended asparagus to grow wild1 in order that all might eat thereof4 ,that was esteemed the best which grew naturally on the mountain-sides4 ,the famous ,ravenna asparagus was cultivated with such perfection1 that three of them weighed a pound4 ,lobster surrounded with asparagus was a favourite dish2 and the rapidity with which the latter should be cooked1 is illustrated1 as ,i have said1 by a proverb3 8,velocius quam asparagi coquuntur60 ,there is a story told of an intrusive traveller forcing his company at supper on another wayfarer1 before whom were placed an omelette and some asparagus4 ,the intruder had not before seen any 8grass10 and inquired what it was4 8,o1 it is very well in its way10 said the other1 8and we will divide both omelette and asparagus20 and therewith1 after carving the first1 he cut the bunch in two1 and gave the white ends to the importunate visitor4 ,the greatest indignation ever experienced by ,carme1 was once at hearing that some guests had eaten asparagus with one of his new entremets1 and mixed it in their mouths with iced champagne4 ,there is an opinion current in some parts of ,england1 that they who eat of old parsnips that have been long in the ground invariably go mad2 and on this account the root is called 8mad-nip40 ,on some such 8insane root10 it is said1 the ,indians1 named by ,garcilasso1 whetted their appetites before they ate their dead parents4 ,such form of entombment was accounted most dignified and dutiful4 ,if the defunct was lean1 the children boiled their parent2 but obesity was always honoured by roasting4 ,fathers and mothers were religiously picked to the very bones1 and the bones themselves were then consigned to the earth4 ,this1 however1 is not an exclusively ,indian custom4 ,the ,indians only devoured their deceased parents2 but ,i have seen1 in ,christian ,england1 many a son devouring father and mother1 too1 during their lives1 swallowing their very substance1 and then1 like the ,indians1 committing their bones to the bosom of a tender mother1--earth4 ,perhaps there is nothing1 in the vegetable way1 more insipid than parsnips2 but these are sometimes as mischievous as insipid persons4 ,this is the case1 if the above-named tradition be worthy of credit1 wherein we are told1 that old parsnips are called 8mad-nips10 and that the maids who eat of them invariably become more like ,salmacis than the youth she wooed1 and are as much given to dancing as though they had been bitten by a tarantula4 ,i fear the 8mad-nip0 is too much eaten in many of our rural districts1 and perhaps by the acerba virgo of metropolitan towns and episcopal cities also4 ,but let us look at our ancient friend1 the potato4 ,it has been well said1 that the first art in boiling a potato1 is to prevent the boiling of the potato4 8,upon the heat and flame of the distemper sprinkle cool patience20 for without patience1 care1 and attention1--extreme vigilance being implied by the latter1 a potato will never come out of the pot triumphantly well boiled4 ,the potato has been found in an indigenous state in ,chili1 on the mountains near ,valparaiso and ,mendoza2 also near ,monte ,video1 ,lima1 ,quito1 in ,santa ,f da ,bogota1 and on the banks of the ,orizaba1 in ,mexico4 ,cobbett cursed the root as being that of the ruin of ,ireland1 where it is said to have been first planted by ,raleigh1 on his estate at ,youghal1 near ,cork4 ,its introduction into ,england is described as the effect of accident1 in consequence of the wrecking of a vessel on the coast of ,lancashire1 which had a quantity of this 8fruit0 on board4 ,the common potato 7solanum tuberosum7 was probably first brought to ,spain from ,quito by the ,spaniards1 in the early part of the sixteenth century4 ,in both of those countries the tubers are known by the designation of papas4 ,in passing from ,spain into ,italy1 it naturalized itself under the name of 8the truffle40 ,in #aeih1 we hear of its arrival at ,vienna1 and thence spreading over ,europe4 ,it certainly was not known in ,north ,america in #aehf1 the period at which ,raleigh's colonists in ,virginia are said to have sent it to ,england2 and in the latter country it was not known until long after its introduction1 as noticed above1 into ,ireland4 ,in ,gerard's ,herbal 7#aeig7 the ,batata ,virginiana1 as it is called1 to distinguish it from the ,batata ,edulis1 or 8sweet potato10 is described2 and the author recommends the root1 not for common food1 but as 8a delicate dish40 ,the sweet potato was the 8delicate dish0 at ,english tables long before the introduction of its honest cousin4 ,we imported it from ,spain and the ,canaries1 and in very considerable quantities4 ,it enjoyed the reputation of possessing power to restore decayed vigour4 ,this reputation has not escaped ,shakspeare1 who makes ,falstaff exultingly remark1 in a fit of pleasant excitement1 that 8it rains potatoes60 ,the ,royal ,society of ,england1 in #affc1 urgently recommended the extensive cultivation of the root as a resource against threatened famine2 but as late as the end of that century1 a good hundred years after its first introduction1 the writers on gardening continued to treat its merits with a contemptuous indifference2 though one of them does 8damn with faint praise10 by remarking1 that 8they are much used in ,ireland and ,america as bread1 and may be propagated with advantage to poor people40 ,as late as #agai1 the potato was not deemed worthy of being named in the 8,complete ,gardener0 of ,loudon and ,wise1 and it was not till the middle of the last century that it became generally used in ,britain and ,north ,america4 ,the 8conservatives of gulosity0 of that day continued long to disparagingly describe it as 8a root found in the ,new ,world1 consisting of little knobs1 held together by strings3 if you boil it well1 it can be eaten2 it may become an article of food2 it will certainly do for hogs2 and though it is rather flatulent and acid in the human stomach1 perhaps1 if you boil it with dates1 it may serve to keep soul and body together1 among those who can find nothing better40 ,some sixty years since1 the ,dutch introduced the potato into ,bengal4 ,the produce was sold in ,calcutta at #es4 a pound4 ,the ,english tried to raise them1 and all their plants grew like ,jack's bean-stalk1 but lacked its strength4 ,the ,hollanders continually cut the swiftly-growing plant1 and so compelled it to produce its fruit beneath the ground4 ,the secret was as well worth knowing as that other touching potatoes during frost4 ,the only precaution necessary is1 to retain the potato in a perfectly dark place1 for some days after the thaw has commenced4 ,in ,america1 where they are sometimes frozen as hard as stones1 they rot if thawed in open day2 but if thawed in darkness1 they do not rot1 and lose very little of their natural odour and properties4 ,so1 at least1 they assert1 who profess to have means of best knowing4 ,the potato is said to have been first planted1 in ,england1 in the county of ,lancashire1 which was once as famous for the plant as ,lithuania is for beet-root4 ,it is not much more than a century since cabbages reached us from ,holland4 ,they were first planted in ,dorsetshire1 by the ,ashleys2 and ,i may add here what ,i have omitted in speaking of it in earlier times1 namely1 that the ,athenians administered the juice of it in cases of slow parturition4 ,let me farther add1 that such terms as 8cow-cabbage10 8horse-radish10 8bull-rush10 and the like1 do not imply any connexion between the article and the animal4 ,the animal prefix is simply to signify unusual size4 ,the prefix was commonly so applied by the ancients3 hence the name of ,alexander's charger2 and a not less familiar illustration is afforded us in the case of the 8horse-leech40 ,cabbage used to have said of it what ,lemery1 physician of ,louis ,,xiv41 more truly said of spinach2 namely1 that 8it stops coughing1 allays the sharp humours of the breast1 and keeps the body open40 ,spinach1 to be truly enjoyed1 should never be eaten without liberal saturation of gravy2 and ,french epicures say1 8,do not forget the nutmeg40 ,this vegetable goes excellently with swine's flesh in every shape1 but especially ham1 the stimulating flavour of which it strongly modifies4 ,rice1 as an article of food1 has something remarkable in it4 ,its cultivation destroys life2 and when the grain is eaten1 its value as a supporter of strength is very uncertain4 ,the cultivation of this production1 where it does not destroy life1 does destroy comfort1 and slaves may be compelled1 but freemen will not go voluntarily1 to raise the 8paddy crop40 ,in ,india1 where the people of many districts depend upon it entirely as a chief article of food1 famine is often the result1 simply because the failure of one crop leaves the unenergetic people without any other present resource4 ,and now1 by way of a concluding word to those who read medicinally1 ,i would say1 on the best authority1 first1 that of the haricot-bean ,i have nothing to add to what ,i have already stated4 ,with regard to peas1 they are1 like many other things1 most pleasant and wholesome when young4 ,old1 they are the fathers of gaseous colic2 and1 when swallowed with the additional tenacity of texture derived from being made into pudding1--why1 then the unhappy consumer is a man to be pitied4 ,potatoes are best baked1 or roasted lightly4 ,in the latter case1 they are scarcely less nutritious than bread2 but the potato must be in full health1 and the cooking unexceptionable4 ,there is many a cook who could execute1 to a charm1 the fricandeau1 invented by ,leo ,x41 who has not the remotest idea of cooking a potato4 ,when the ,flemings sent us the carrot1 in the reign of ,elizabeth1 it is a pity they could not have deprived it of its fibrine texture1 the drawback to be set against its saccharine nutritiveness4 ,as the ,romans waxed strong upon the turnip1 we may allow that it has some virtues1 and that ,charles the ,first's ,secretary1 ,lord ,townshend1 did good service by re-introducing it to his countrymen4 ,like the ,jerusalem artichoke1 it requires a strong accompaniment of salt and pepper1 to counteract its watery and flatulent influences4 ,as for radishes1 he who eats them is tormenting his stomach with bad water1 woody fibre1 and acrid poison2 and if his stomach resents such treatment1 why1 it most emphatically 8serves him right40 ,as for cucumber1 in the days of ,evelyn1 it was looked upon as only one remove from poison1 and it had better be eaten and enjoyed with that opinion in memory4 ,it is a pity that what is pleasant is not always what is proper4 ,thus the cucumber is attractive1 but not nutritive2 while the onion1 at whose very name every man stands with his hand to his mouth1 like a ,persian in the act of ad-oration1 is exceedingly nourishing and wholesome4 ,but ,i can never think of it1 without remembering the story of the man who1 having breakfasted early on bread and onions1 entered an inn on a bitterly cold morning1 with the remark1 that for the last two hours he had had the wind in his teeth4 8,had you80 said the unfortunate person who happened to be nearest to him3 8then1 by ,jove1 the wind had the worst of it60 ,an onion is all very well as an ingredient in a sauce1 but to make a meal of it6 ,well6 it is on record that a dinner has been made1 at which nothing was served but sauces4 ,a dinner of sauces must have been quickly prepared2 but1 for quick preparation1 ,i know nothing that can vie with a feat accomplished1 on the #ahth of ,march of the present year1 at the ,freemasons' ,tavern4 ,the 8,round-,catch-and-,canon ,club0 were to dine there at half-past five ,p4,m4 ,an hour previously1 the active ,secretary1 ,mr4 ,francis1 ,vicar-,choral of ,st4 ,paul's1 arrived1 to see that 8all was right40 ,he found all wrong4 ,through some mistake1 no company was expected2 and1 there being no other dinners ordered for that day1 the weary proprietors1 and their chief 8aids10 were enjoying a little relaxation4 ,not only were the high priestesses of the kitchen 8out10 but the sacred fires of the altars had followed their example4 ,great was the horror of the able counter-tenor ,secretary2 but the difficulty was triumphantly met by the accomplished officers of the establishment2 and1 at six o'clock precisely1 forty-two of us sat down to so perfect a banquet1 that the shade of ,carme might have contemplated it with a smile of unalloyed satisfaction4 ,this house may boast of this tour de force for ever6 ,,sauces4 ,the donor of the sauce dinner1 mentioned in the last page1 was an eccentric old ,major4 ,he invited three persons to partake of this unique repast4 ,the soup consisted of gravy sauce1 and oyster and lobster sauce were handed round instead of filet de sole4 ,then came the sirloin in guise of egg sauce1 on the ground1 ,i suppose1 that an egg is proverbially 8full of meat40 ,there was no pheasant1 but there was bread sauce1 to put his guests in mind of the flavour2 and if they had not plum-pudding1 they had as much towards it as could be implied by brandy sauce2 just as ,heyne says1 that ,munich is the modern ,athens in this far1--that if it has not the philosophers1 it has the hemlock1 and has ,alcibiades' dog1 as a preparation towards getting ,alcibiades4 ,the sauce-boats were emptied by the guests4 ,the wine was well-resorted to after each boat1 and a little brandy settled the viand that was represented by the egg sauce4 ,half the guests1 between excess of lobster sauce and ,cognac1 were all the worse for the banquet2 but that proved rather the weakness of their stomachs1 than the non-excellence of the feast4 ,it is said that the ,major1 when alone in the evening1 wound up with a rump-steak supper1--a process rather characteristic of the 8old soldier20 but ,i have heard1 in a provincial town1 of large parties to 8tea10 followed by a snug family party1 when the guests were all departed1 to a hot supper1 with the usual et cteras4 ,but let us get back from the supper to the matter of seasonings4 ,seasonings may be said to form an important item in the practice and results of cookery4 ,the first1 and most useful and natural1 is salt4 ,the ancients did not allow1 at one time1 of its use in sacrifices2 but ,homer called it 8divine10 and ,plutarch speaks of it as acceptable to the gods4 ,its value was not known to men until the ,phnicians1 ,selech and ,misor1--so1 at least1 says an ancient legend1--taught mankind the real worth of this production as a condiment1 and thereby gave to meat increased flavour1 and to the eaters of it increased health and improved digestions4 ,the ,roman soldiers received their pay in salarium1 or 8salt-money40 ,the ,mexican rulers punished rebellious provinces by interdicting the use of salt2 and ,holland1 some years since1 cruelly took vengeance on the breakers of the law1 by serving them with food1 without salt1 during the term of their imprisonment4 ,the poor wretches were almost devoured by worms1 in consequence of this inhuman proceeding4 ,of course1 the salt-money of the soldiery was1 like the pin-money of a married lady1 employed in other ways than those warranted by its appellation4 ,for above three centuries1 soldiers served gratis1 and supported themselves4 ,then came 8salt-money10 or salarium1 in the shape of a couple of oboli daily to the foot1 and a drachma to the cavalry4 ,this was to the common men4 ,the ,tribunes were1 however1 exorbitantly paid1 if ,juvenal's allusion may be trusted1 wherein he says that1-- ----8alter enim1 quantum in legione ,tribuni ,accipiunt1 donat ,calvin vel ,catien20 or1 as it may be translated1-- 8,such sums as a full ,colonel's coffers swell1 ,he flings to ,lola1 or to ,laura ,bell60 ,but this must have been in very late times1 previous to which frugality1 modesty1 and indifferent pay were ever the ,tribune's share of the national virtues and their consequences1 lauded by ,livy4 ,the first ,csar doubled the salarium of the army1 and decreed that it should never be reduced4 ,his successors followed the example of increase4 ,augustus fixed the salt-money at ten asses a day1 and by the time of ,domitian it was considerably more than double that amount4 ,from that period1 the soldiery fed better1 and fought worse1 than ever4 ,up to the time of the ,empire they had been frugal livers1 and were not above preparing the rations of corn allowed them with their own hands3 some ground it in hand-mills1 others pounded it between stones1 and the hastily-baked cakes were eaten contentedly upon the turf1 with nothing better to wash them down than pure water1 or1 at best1 posca1 which was water mixed with vinegar1--and a very wholesome beverage1 too1 in hot weather4 ,the ,jewish dispensation1 unlike that of the early ,olympian theology1 enforced the use of salt in all sacrificial ceremonies4 ,that of the ,dead ,sea was abundant2 and ,galen pronounced it as the most favourable for seasoning1 and for promoting digestion4 ,the ,greeks learned to call it 8divine10 and at last consecrated it to their gods4 ,spilling salt was accounted as unlucky in the days when 8young ,time counted his birthdays by the sun10 as in these modern times when the schoolmaster is abroad1--sometimes too much abroad4 ,ancus ,martius was the first of the ,roman ,kings who levied a duty on salt4 ,he was not visited by the gods--as legends say other ,kings were who created such imposts--by some dire calamity4 ,the bad example of ,ancus ,martius has continued over nearly the whole of ,europe2 and a slave cannot eat salt to his bread without paying tribute to the ,king4 ,the word 8salt0 was often used for life itself4 ,when ,dordalus says to ,toxilus1 in the 8,persa10 8,eodem mihi pretio sal prhibetur qu tibi10--8,i get my salt at the same price as you do10--he simply means that his manner of life is as good as that of ,toxilus1 and that a slave-merchant is as respectable as the very best-fed of slaves themselves4 ,catullus employs the word to denote beauty2 other poets use it to signify virtues of various kinds2 and in ,terence we find a man without salt to mean a man without sense4 ,plutarch was not wrong when he styled salt 8the condiment of condiments40 ,i do not know that it has ever been used to point a proverb with a contemptuous meaning1 except in ,greece1 where he who had nothing to dine upon was called a 8salt-licker40 ,rome1 where it was of such commercial importance1 honoured it more by giving to the road along which it was conveyed the name of 8the ,salarian ,way40 ,there were people who never knew its use1 as in ,epeiros2 some who have steadily rejected it1 as the ,bathurst tribe in ,australia4 ,the ,peruvians delighted in it1 and ate it mixed with hot pepper and bitter herbs1 as a sort of 8sweetmeat40 ,how sacred it is in ,arabia1 we all know2 and1 in illustration of it1 ,i have heard of an ,arab burglar accidentally letting his tongue come in contact1 as he was plundering a house by night1 with a piece of salt4 ,he instantly deemed he had partaken of the owner's hospitality1 and he departed without booty4 ,could ,christian thieves be so influenced1 we should salt our plate-baskets and cash-boxes nightly6 ,in ,sicily a salt is spoken of that melts only in fire1 and hardens in water4 ,at ,utica1 one of the great salt suppliers of the ancient world1 it lay about in such huge mounds1 hardened by the sun and moon1 that the pickaxe would scarcely penetrate it4 ,in ,arabia whole cities were once built of it1 the blocks of salt being cemented by water4 ,it is still procured with most difficulty in ,abyssinia1 where the clouds are supposed to deposit the crystal in sandy plains1 of heat so furious1 that it is only during one or two hours of the night that the seekers of it dare dash into the locality1 and carry off1 as hastily as possible1 what they seek4 ,it is procured far more pleasantly in those parts of ,chili where it is found deposited on the leaves of plants4 ,off the warmer coasts of ,south ,america1 and the still hotter shores of ,africa1 blocks weighing from one to two hundred weight have been picked up4 ,some writers tell us that lakes are nothing more than salt plains in solution2 and others1 that salt plains are merely lakes congealed4 ,however this may be1 it is known that generally four gallons of water produce one of salt2 but there is great difference of result in various localities1 some water yielding a sixth1 other only a sixteenth4 ,the deep sea-water is the most highly productive4 ,there are various strange ingredients1 too1 used in different places to make the salt 8grain0 properly4 ,white of egg1 butter1 ale1 and even blood1 are employed to produce the desired result4 ,in its fossil or mineral state it is nowhere seen to such great advantage as in the mines of ,williska1 in ,poland4 ,i have seen those near ,salzburg1 in southern ,austria2 but these are mere salt-cellars1 compared with the ,polish mine1 which forms a large subterranean city1 has its streets1 citizens1 and coteries1 and is an underground republic1 many of the natives of which die without seeing a blade of grass1 or a gleam of sunlight1 upon the bosom of the upper earth4 ,finally1 salt is the most natural stimulant for the digestive organs2 but it should be remembered that too much of it is almost as bad as too little4 ,the lowering of the price of salt1 a consequence of the abolition of the duty1 was beneficial to the poor1 and ruinous to the worm-doctors4 ,it is a singular production4 ,in small quantities it is a stimulating manure2 in large quantities it begets sterility4 ,a little of it accelerates putrefaction1 while a large quantity prevents it4 ,farther1 it is to be remembered1--and ,i have mentioned the fact in another page1--that the salt in salted meat is not 7whatever it may once have been7 the table salt1 the use of which is so favourable to digestion4 ,in the meat it undergoes a chymical change1 by which it deteriorates itself as well as the object to which it is applied4 8,sweet salt0 was the name once given to sugar2 and in reference to this latter production1 it may be safely averred1 that its introduction worked a considerable change in society4 ,and it appears to have been early added to that 8significant luxury10 wheat4 ,in ,isaiah xliii4 #bd there is an allusion made to it in these words3 8,thou hast bought me no sweet cane with money1 neither hast thou filled me with the fat of sacrifices40 ,and again1 in ,jeremiah vi4 #bj3 8,to what purpose cometh there to me incense from ,sheba1 and sweet cane from a far country80 ,it would seem1 however1 that though the sweet cane may have been known1 its uses were not very speedily appreciated1 or1 if they were1 that they were for a long time forgotten4 ,thus1 as late as the thirteenth century of our era1 a writer speaks of a novel sort of salt that has been discovered1 the flavour of which was sweet1 and1 as he suggests1 might be found acceptable to sick persons1 because of its soothing and cooling properties4 8,honey out of the rock10 which was the sweetener most early noticed in ,scripture1 fell into comparative disuse1 after sugar had become a necessary of life1 after being first a medicine1 and then a luxury4 ,the ,spaniards received it from the ,arabs1 and familiarized it in ,europe4 ,its first settlement beyond the ,continent was in ,madeira1 and at length it found a congenial soil in the islands of the ,western ,indies4 ,god gave the gift1 but man has discovered how to abuse it to his own destruction2 and1 from the sweet food offered by an angel1 he has distilled the fire-water1 which slays like the pestilence4 ,but to return1 for a moment1 from the sweets to the salts1 and especially to the latter in the form of brine4 ,the ,romans were fond of brine1--water in which bay-salt had been dissolved1--as a seasoning2 and after dinner1 those who could not guess the riddles that were put to them1 were punished1 like the refractory gentlemen at the ,nightingale ,club1 by being compelled to swallow a cupful1 without drawing breath4 ,apicius invented a composition made up of salt1 pepper1 ginger1 thyme1 celery1 rocket1 and anise-seed1 with lamoni1 wild marjoram1 holy thistle1 spikenard1 parsley1 and hyssop1 as a specific to be taken1 after heavy dinners1 against indigestion4 ,they who could digest the remedy need not have been afraid of the dinner4 ,that universal seasoning of the classical world1 the garum1 was originally a shrimp sauce2 but it was subsequently made of the intestines of almost any fish1 macerated in water1 saturated with salt2 and when symptoms of putrefaction began to appear1 a little parsley and vinegar were added2 and there was the famous garum1 of which the inventors were so proud1--and particularly of a garum which was prepared in ,spain4 ,flesh instead of fish was occasionally used1 with no difference in the process of preparation2 and it would be difficult to say which was the nastier4 ,but1 perhaps1 if we could see the witchery of preparing any of our own flavouring sauces1 we should be reluctant ever to allow a drop of the polluted mixture to pass our lips4 ,there is a bliss in ignorance4 ,pythagoras showed better taste in the science of seasonings1 when he took to eating nothing but honey wherewith to flavour his bread4 ,hybla sounds sweet1 the very word smells sweet1 from its association with honey4 ,aristus1 who is said to have discovered its use1 merited the patent of nobility1 whereby he was declared to have descended from the gods2 and the placing the honeycomb and its makers under the protection of ,mellona1 expressly made by men for this purpose1 was a proof of the value in which they were held4 ,theophrastus placed sugar among the honeys1--the honey of reeds1--or the 8salt of ,india10 as some strangely called it4 ,the ,greek physicians recommended its use1 both as food and as flavourer4 ,it was at one time as scarce as cinnamon1--that precious bark of which the phnix made its nest1 and which the ,csars monopolized4 ,cinnamon and cloves were not employed in seasoning until a comparatively modern period4 ,the good people of earlier days preferred verjuice1 in certain cases prescribed by ,galen4 ,they seemed to have a taste for acids3 hence the admiration1 both in ,greece and ,rome1 for vinegar and pickles4 ,vinegar figured in the army statistics of ,rome especially2 but it once1 at least1 figured in a still more remarkable way in the statistics of the ,french army1 in the time of ,louis ,,xiii41 when the ,duc de la ,meilleraye1 ,grand ,master of the ,artillery of ,france1 put down #eb1jjj as the sum expended by him in cooling cannons4 ,how hot the war must have been1 and at what a price the fever must have been maintained1 when the merely refrigerating process cost so much6 ,french epicures maintain that the pig was born to be 8ringed10 and that his mission was to rout at the foot of the yoke-elm trees1 and turn up truffles6 ,pliny gravely looked upon the truffle as a prodigy sown by the thunderbolt in autumnal storms4 ,however this may be1 all lovers of good things eat the truffle with a sort of devout ecstasy1 in spite of the wide differences of opinion which exist among the faculty of guessers1 as to whether the truffle be nutritious or poisonous1 fit for food1 or monster sire of indigestion4 ,the fact is1 that they should be delicately dealt with1 like mushrooms2 of which he who eats little is wise1 and he who eats not of them at all is safe from blaming them for bringing on indigestion--as far as he is concerned4 ,the truffle is thus elaborately1 yet not verbosely1 described by ,archimagirus ,soyer3 8,the truffle is a very remarkable vegetable1 which1 without stems1 roots1 or fibres1 grows of itself1 isolated in the bosom of the earth1 absorbing the nutritive juice4 ,its form is round1 more or less regular2 its surface is smooth1 or tuberculous2 the colour1 dark brown outside1 brown1 grey1 or white within4 ,its tissue is formed of articulated filaments1 between which are spheric vesicles1 and in the interior are placed reproductive bodies1 small brown spheres1 called #8truffinelles4' ,truffles vegetate to the depth of five or six inches in the high sandy soils of the south-west of ,france1 ,piedmont1 c4 ,their mode of vegetation and reproduction is not known4 787 ,dogs are trained to find them1 as well as pigs1 and boars also1 who are very fond of them4 ,they are eaten cooked under the ashes1 or in wine and water4 ,they are preserved when prepared in oil1 which is soon impregnated with their odour4 ,poultry is stuffed with them2 also geese's livers1 pies1 and cooked pork1 besides numerous ragots4 ,they possess1 as it is said1 exciting virtues40 ,the latter1 we suppose1 is a paraphrase for the sentiment of 8,falstaff10 before cited1 8,it rains potatoes60 ,shell-fish had the same reputation in the olden time4 8,tene marsupium10 says ,italius to ,olympio1 in the ,rudens3-- 8,abi atque obsonia propera2 sed lepid volo ,molliculas escas1 ut ipsa mollicula est40 ,as for the mushroom1 if it be not in itself deadly1 it has been made the vehicle of death4 ,agrippina poisoned ,claudius in one1 and ,nero1 his successor1 had a respect for this production ever after4 ,tiberius1 in ,pagan1 and ,clement ,,vii41 in ,papal1 ,rome1 as well as ,charles ,,vi4 of ,france1 are also said to have been 8approximately0 killed by mushrooms4 ,seneca calls them 8voluptuous poison10 and of this poison his countrymen ate heartily1 and suffered dreadfully4 ,the mushroom was not rendered harmless by the process of ,nicander1--raising them under the shadow of a well-irrigated and richly-manured fig-tree4 ,one of the most perfect illustrations of 8sauce10 in its popular sense1 with which ,i am acquainted1 is conveyed in the reply once given by a ,french ,cur to his ,bishop4 ,it is a regulation made by canonical law1 that a ,priest cannot keep a female servant to manage his household1 unless she be of the assigned age of1 at least1 forty years4 ,it once happened that a ,bishop dined with a ,cur1 at whose house the ,prelate had arrived in the course of a visitation tour4 ,on that occasion he found that they were waited on at dinner by two quietly pretty female attendants1 of some twenty years each4 ,when diocesan and subordinate were once more alone1 the former remarked on the uncanonical condition of the household1 and asked the ,cur if he were not aware that1 by rule of church1 he could maintain but one menagre1 who must have attained1 at least1 forty years of age8 8,i am quite aware of it1 ,monseigneur10 said the rubicund ,cur2 8but1 as you see1 ,i prefer having my housekeeper in two volumes60 ,with respect to the use of spices1 it may be safely said1 that the less they are used1 the better for the stomach4 ,a soupon of them in certain preparations is not to be objected to2 but it must be recollected that in most cases1 however pleasant they may be to the palate1 the apparent vigour which they give to the stomach is at the expense of the liver1 and the reaction leaves the former in a worse condition than it was in before4 ,the world probably never saw a second time such a trade in spices as that which was carried on of old between ,canaan and ,egypt4 ,the ,dutch and ,amboyna was a huckstering matter compared with it4 ,egypt sent ,canaan her corn1 wine1 oil1 and linen2 and ,canaan sent1 in return1 her spicery1 balm1 myrrh1 precious woods1 and minerals4 ,the ,ishmaelites were the carrying merchants2 and1 while each class of them had its especial article of commerce1 they all dabbled a little in slave-dealing4 ,thus1 the men of the tribe that purchased ,joseph dealt in spicery only1--a term including balm and myrrh4 ,the ,egyptian demand for the article was enormous4 ,at the period of the sale of ,joseph1 spicery was most extensively used1 not only for the embalming of men1 but of sacred animals4 ,in after times1 this practice ceased to a great extent1 on account of a large failure in the supply4 ,there is something very characteristic of the 8ancient nation0 in the transaction of the brethren with respect to ,joseph4 ,the general proposal was to slay him2 but it was ,judah1 first of his race1 who1 with a strong eye to business1 exclaimed1 8,what profit to slay our brother1 and conceal his blood8 ,come1 let us sell him to the ,ishmaelites40 ,the opposition to fratricide1 on the part of ,judah1 was not on the principle that it was a crime1 but that it brought nothing4 ,but1 no sooner had he pointed out how they might get rid of the troublesome brother1 and put money in their purses to boot1 than the profligate kinsmen adopted the project with alacrity1 preferring lucrative felony to downright profitless murder4--,do ,i hear you remark1 ,sir1 that it has ever been thus with this rebellious ,jewish people8 ,well1 let us not be rash in assertions4 ,judah was a very mercenary fellow1 no doubt2 but it was better to sell a live brother into a slavery which gave him the chance of sitting at the table of ,pharaoh ,phiops1 than to murder one for the mere sake of making money by the sale of the body1 as was done by a ,christian gentleman of the name of ,burke4 ,there are some plants used in seasoning which have been esteemed for other virtues besides lending a fillip to the appetite4 ,others of these seasoning plants have acquired an evil reputation4 ,thus orach was said to cause pallor and dropsy4 ,rocket had a double use3 it not only was said to remove freckles1 but an infusion of it in wine rendered the hide of a scourged convict insensible to the whip4 ,fennel was1 unlike asparagus1 held to be good for the sight4 ,dill1 on the other hand1 injured the eyes1 while it strengthened the stomach4 ,anise-seed was in great favour with the medical philosophers1 who prescribed it to be taken1 fasting1 in wine2 and hyssop wine was a specific for cutaneous eruptions1 brought on by drinking wine of a stronger quality4 ,wild thyme cured the bite of serpents1--if the sufferer could only collect it in time2 and pennyroyal was sovereign for indigestion4 ,rue cured the ear-ache1 and nullified poisons2 for which latter purpose it was much used by ,mithridates4 ,mint was gaily eaten1 with many a joke1 because it was said to have been originally a pretty girl1 metamorphosed by ,proserpine4 ,the ,romans1 now and then1 ate camomile at table1 just as old country ladies1 when tea was first introduced1 and sent to them as a present1 used to boil the leaves1 and serve them1 at dinner1 like spinach4 ,capers1 in the olden time1 were vulgar berries1 and left for democratic digestion4 8,i once saw growing in ,italy10 said an ,irish traveller1 fit to be 8own correspondent0 to one of the morning papers1 8the finest anchovies ,i ever beheld60 ,a listener naturally doubted the alleged fact2 and the offended ,irishman not only called him out1 but shattered his knee-cap by a pistol-shot4 ,as he was leaping about with intensity of pain1 the ,irishman's second remarked to his principal1 that he had made his adversary cut capers1 at any rate4 8,capers60 exclaimed the ,hibernian1 8capers6 'faith1 that's it4 ,sure1 ,sir10 he added1 advancing to his antagonist1 8you were right2 it was not anchovies1 but capers1 that ,i saw growing4 ,i beg pardon3 don't think any more about it40 ,let us add1 that1 if the aristocratic ancients deeply declined capers1 they were exceedingly fond of assaftida1 as a seasoning ingredient4 ,green ginger was also a popular condiment2 and it is commonly eaten in ,madagascar at this day4 ,i suppose that1 in former times1 ,hull imported this production in large quantities1 and that therefore one of her streets is called 8the ,land of ,green ,ginger40 ,the ,romans gave wormwood wine to the charioteers1 perhaps considering that the stomachic beverage would secure them from dizziness4 ,i have mentioned above that ,mithridates patronized rue as a nullifier of poisons4 ,he was in the habit of swallowing poisons1 as people in the summer swallow ices2 and he was famous for inventing antidotes1 to enable him to take them with impunity4 ,one consequence is1 that he has gained a sort of immortality in our pharmacopia2 and 8,mithridate10 in pharmacy1 is a compound medicine1 in form of an electuary1 serving as either a remedy or a preservative against poisons1 being also accounted a cordial1 opiate1 sudorific1 and alexipharmic4 8,mithridate0 is1 or rather1 ,i suppose1 was1 one of the capital medicines in the apothecaries' shops4 ,the preparation of it1 according to the direction of the ,college1 is as follows2 and ,i request my readers to peruse it attentively1 and to get it by heart1 in case of necessity supervening4 ,here is the facile recipe3 8,take of cinnamon1 fourteen drachms2 of myrrh1 eleven drachms2 agarick1 spikenard1 ginger1 saffron1 seeds of treacle-mustard1 frankincense1 ,chio turpentine1 of each ten drachms2 camel's hay1 costus1 ,indian leaf1 ,french lavender1 long pepper1 seeds of hartwort1 juice of the rape of cistus1 strained storax1 opopanax1 strained galbanum1 balsam of ,gilead1 or1 in its stead1 expressed oil of nutmegs1 ,russian castor1 of each an ounce2 poly-mountain1 water germander1 the fruit of the balsam tree1 seeds of the carrot of ,crete1 bdellium strained1 of each seven drachms2 ,celtic nard1 gentian root1 leaves of dittany of ,crete1 red roses1 seed of ,macedonian parsley1 the lesser ,cardanum seeds freed from their husks1 sweet fennel seeds1 gum ,arabic1 opium strained1 of each five drachms2 root of the sweet flag1 root of wild valerian1 anise-seed1 sagapenum strained1 of each three drachms2 spignel1 ,st4 ,john's wort1 juice of acacia1 the bellies of scinks1 of each two drachms and a half2 of clarified honey1 thrice the weight of all the rest3 dissolve the opium first in a little wine1 and then mix it with the honey made hot4 ,in the mean time1 melt together1 in another vessel1 the galbanum1 storax1 turpentine1 and the balsam of ,gilead1 or the expressed oil of nutmeg10 7,i have no doubt that one will do quite as well as the other2 and this must be highly satisfactory for sufferers to know17 8continually stirring them round1 that they may not burn2 and1 as soon as these are melted1 add to them the hot honey1 first by spoonsful1 and afterwards more freely4 ,lastly1 when this mixture is nearly cold1 add by degrees the rest of the spices reduced to powder10----and1 as the ,french quack used to say of his specific for the toothache1 if it does you no harm1 it will certainly do you no good4 ,for my own part1 ,i think the remedy worse than the disease2 but a gentleman just poisoned may be of another opinion2 and ,i can only say1 that if1 with prussic acid knocking at his pylorus1 he has leisure to wait till the above prescription is made up for him1--till the bellies of scinks and the camel's hay are procured1 and till the ingredients are amalgamated 8by degrees10--he will1 if he survive the poison1 the waiting1 and the remedy1 have deserved to be called1 ' 1 the 8patient40 ,but here are the pastry and the fruits2 and there ,,are people who are given to believe that pastry and poison are not very wide asunder4 ,when ,murat wished to instigate the ,italians to labour1 he cut down their olive-trees4 ,the ,jews were forbidden to destroy fruit-trees1 even in an enemy's country2 and it used to be a law in ,france1 and may be so still1 that when an individual had received permission to cut down one of his trees1 it was on condition of his planting two4 ,the planters of vineyards enjoyed many privileges under the ,jewish dispensation1 and heathen governments placed both vineyards and orchards under the protection of the most graceful of their deities1 and these deities were supposed to have an especial affection for particular trees4 ,the ,romans were skilled in forcing their fruits1 which were produced at the third course1 and not1 as with the ,greeks1 at the second4 ,minerva is popularly said to have given birth to the olive1 which was the emblem of ,peace1 the latter being naturally born of ,wisdom4 ,but the poisoned shafts of ,hercules were made of the olive1 perhaps to symbolize those armed neutralities which are generally so fatal to powers with whom the neutrals affect to be at peace4 ,the ,autocrat of ,russia1 for instance1 has been dealing very largely in olive shafts1 tipped with death4 ,but the olive was known to the world before ,wisdom1 taking flesh1 sprang in her bright panoply from the brain of her sire1 and was called ,minerva4 ,from ,judea the olive was taken into ,greece2 it was not planted within the territory of ,rome until a later period2 and1 finally1 in ,spain it found a soil as favourable to cultivation as that of ,decapolis1 on holy ground4 ,the ,ancona olives were the most highly esteemed by the ,roman ,patricians1 at whose tables they opened and closed the banquet4 ,while the olives were greedily swallowed1 the expressed oil was distributed by way of largess to the people4 ,it was declared to possess1 if not a vital principle1 something that stimulated and maintained vitality4 ,augustus1 who was for ever whiningly hoping that he might die easily1 and for ever chanting the prayer1 8,euthanasia60 asked ,pollio how he might best maintain his health and strength in old age4 8,you have nothing in the world to do10 said ,pollio1 8but to drink abundance of wine1 and lubricate your imperial carcase with plenty of oil60--a prescription which does not say much for the medical instruction of ,pollio4 ,olive oil was so scarce at one time1 in ,europe1 that in #hag the ,council of ,aix-la-,chapelle authorized the priests to manufacture anointing oil from bacon4 ,with regard to the fruit itself1 it has not even yet undisputed possession of the public approval2 and ,i am very much of the opinion of the farmer who1 having taken some at his landlord's table1 expressed his indignation on reaching home1 that he had been served with gooseberries stewed in----brine4 ,the palm-tree wine of the ,hebrews inspired song1 and thence1 perhaps1 did the palm itself pass into the possession of the mythological ,muses4 ,the palm-tree deserved to be a popular tree3 its wood furnished man with a house1 its branches with fuel2 its leaves afforded him garments1 and a bed2 and from them he could manufacture baskets1 wherein to carry the fruit1 bread1 and cakes which he could make from its dates4 ,i am only astonished that tradition has not made the palm1 rather than the beech or the oak1 the original tree which first fed1 clothed1 and sheltered man4 ,the cherry1 compared with the palm1 is but as a rustic beauty1 compared with ,cleopatra4 ,mithridates and ,lucullus share the glory of making men acquainted with its fruit4 ,from ,cerasus1 in ,asia1 ,lucullus1 no doubt1 transplanted a cultivated fruit-tree1 of a peculiarly fine sort2 but the fruit itself was not unknown to the ,romans long anterior to the time of ,lucullus4 ,it was slow in acquiring an esteem in ,italy4 ,the most extraordinary species of cherry with which ,i am acquainted1 is the ,australian cherry1 which grows with the stone on the outside4 ,but ,nature1 in ,australia1 is distinguished for her freaks4 ,there the pears are made of wood1 and salt-water fish abound in the fresh-water rivers6 ,the nastiest species ,i know of1 grows in the vicinity of1 and some of them within1 the cemetery of ,pre-la-,chaise1 at ,paris4 ,they are magnificent to the eye1 and are not ill-flavoured2 but1 at the heart of each there is a maggot1 as fat as one of ,rubens's ,cupids1 and1 saving a slight bitterness1 with as much of the taste of the cherry in him as a citizen of ripe ,stilton has of the cheese of which he is so lively a part4 ,there is not a bad story told of an old and poor ,spanish ,grandee1 who used to put on spectacles when he sat down to his modest dinner of bread and cherries1 in order that the fruit might gain1 apparently1 in magnitude4 ,there was philosophy in this pleasant conceit6 ,if the poor nobleman had had a dish of our cherries1 from ,kent1 ,berks1 or ,oxfordshire1 he would not have stood in need of his merry delusion4 ,how grateful to the palate is the ,armenian apricot1 blushing1 in its precocity1 like a young nymph2 or the ,persian peach1 for a couple of which the ,romans would give a score of pounds6 ,the peach has an evil tradition with it4 ,it is said to have been originally poisonous1 but to have lost its deadliness when it was transplanted4 ,perhaps the peculiarly peachy odour of prussic acid may have contributed to give currency to a very long-lived1 but entirely foundationless1 tradition1--except1 indeed1 that poison may be extracted from the kernel2 but so may arsenic from a ,turkey carpet1 and1 indeed1 from apple-pips also1 as ,sir ,fitzroy ,kelly told the jury1 when endeavouring to save from the gallows a man who had murdered his mistress1 in order that he might not put in peril his respectability6 ,perhaps the plum-tree1 whether of ,africa or ,asia1 from ,egypt or ,damascus1 has been more fatal to health1 if not to life1 than any other of the stone-fruits4 ,when ,pliny complained of their superabundant propagation in ,italy1 he probably had in view the usual consequences of a very plentiful plum season4 ,the apricot was not known in ,france till the eleventh century1 and then they were accounted dear at a farthing each4 ,in the same century cherries used to appear at the royal table in ,may4 ,to effect this1 lime was laid at the roots of the tree1 which was irrigated with warm water6 ,louis ,,xiii4 was fond of early fruit1 and he had strawberries in ,march1 and figs in ,june3 this is more than the most expert fig-rearers in ,sussex ever accomplished6 ,the fig used to be esteemed as only inferior to that compound of luscious savours1 the pine1--a fruit which1 in the seventeenth century1 was religiously patronized by the ,jesuits4 ,the same sort of sanction was given in the ,east to dates1 though these were fashionable in ,rome1 after a basket of them had been sent from ,jericho to ,augustus4 ,the ,tunis dates are the best2 but indulgence in them is said to loosen the teeth1 and produce scurvy4 ,the ,tunisian ladies1 however1 were as fond of them as the ,french ladies were of sweet citrons1 before oranges were patronized by ,louis ,,xiv4 ,the ladies used to carry them about1 and occasionally suck them1 the operation being considered excellent to produce ruby lips4 ,the citron was hardly less popular than the ,reine ,claude plum1 which received its pretty name from the ,queen of ,francis ,i41 and daughter of ,louis ,,xii4 ,i have noticed the ,sussex fig3 the white fig of the ,channel ,islands is also highly prized2 and there is a tree at ,hampton ,court renowned for its fruit1 but they who eat had better not too curiously inquire as to where the root of that productive tree penetrates1 in order to accomplish its productiveness4 ,in ,sicily1 they acupuncture the tree1 and drop into it a little oil1 and this is said to improve the flavour of the fruit4 ,to what ,i have previously said of the peach1 ,i may add here what the ,chinese say of it2 namely1 that it produces eternity of life1 and prevents corruption until the end of the world4 ,this species would be a popular one in ,england4 ,some writers assert that the apple was originally an ,african2 but a ,negro with a red nose would be an anomaly2 and the apple-tree does not look as if it came from the country of the children of the sun4 ,nevertheless1 historians assert that it crossed the ,mediterranean1 and reached ,normandy through ,spain and ,france4 ,the apple has been as productive of similes as of cider2 and perhaps the prettiest is that of ,jeremy ,taylor1 who says1 in his ,sermon on the 8,marriage ,ring10 that the 8celibate1 like the fly in the heart of an apple1 dwells in a perpetual sweetness2 but sits alone1 and is confined1 and dies in singularity30--a figure of speech1 by the way1 not highly calculated to frighten a bachelor4 ,but1 after all1 the sentiment of ,jeremy ,taylor is preferable to that of ,gregory of ,nazianzum1 who calls a wife 8an acquired evil2 and1 what is worse1 one that cannot be put away40 ,however this may be1 apples were once productive of matrimony in ,wales4 ,when the fruit-dealers there could not find a market1 they proclaimed a dance4 ,the revellers paid entrance-money1 and received apples in return4 ,these meetings were called 8apple lakings20 and the fruit was sauce for many a consequent wedding-dinner4 ,the finest used to be kept for accompaniment to the roast goose eaten on ,st4 ,crispin's ,day4 ,brides1 in remote times1 used to carry a love-apple in their bosoms2 as fond thereof as the pitman's wife of ,northumberland was of the two lambs which she suckled1 after their dams had been killed in a storm4 ,this was a more creditable affection than that of ,marc ,antony's daughter for a lamprey1 which she adorned with ear-rings1 and which she exhibited at dinner2 as ,lord ,erskine did the leeches which had cured him of some complaint1 and which1 enclosed in a bottle1 he sent round with the wine4 ,he called one 8,cline0 and the other 8,home10 from the great surgeons of those names2 and noble guests1 before filling their glasses1 gravely inspected the leeches1 and then duly passed on the reptiles and the wine4 ,this is what a ,frenchman would have called a 8triste plaisanterie1 l',anglaise20 and1 by the way1 ,i may remark1 that ,thophile de ,garancires imputes the alleged melancholic nature of ,englishmen to the great use which we make of sugar4 ,our sires used to make one curious use of sugar1 undoubtedly2 namely1 when they put it into the mouth of the dying1 in order that their souls might pass away with less bitterness6 ,there is a ,german proverb which says1 that 8it is unadvisable to eat cherries with potentates40 ,in ,english this might mean1 8,do not make too free with your betters40 ,few royal families1 however1 have given their inferiors more frequent opportunities to 8eat cherries0 with them1 than that of ,prussia4 ,i am reminded of this while upon the subject of pine-apple1 a slice of which was once given by ,frederick ,william ,,iii4 to a lad employed in the gardens at ,sans ,souci4 8,here10 said the ,king1 pleasantly1 8eat1 enjoy1 and reflect while thou art eating4 ,now1 what does it taste like80 ,the boy looked puzzled1 as he munched the pine2 thought of all the most delightful things that had ever passed over his palate and clung to his memory1 and1 at last1 with a satisfied expression1 exclaimed1 8,i think1--yes1 it does1--it tastes like sausage60 ,the courtiers laughed aloud2 and the ,king1 philosophizing on the boy's answer1 said1 8,well1 every one has his own standard of taste1 guiding his feelings and judgment1 and each one believes himself to be right4 ,one fancies he discovers in the pine-apple the flavour of the melon2 another1 of the pear2 a third1 the plum4 ,yon lad1 in his sphere of tastes1 finds therein his favourite food--the sausage40 ,the lad's answer was as much food for mirth at ,sans ,souci1 as was that of the ,eton boy who was invited by ,queen ,adelaide to dine at ,windsor ,castle1 and who was honoured with a seat at ,her ,majesty's side4 ,the boy was bashful1--the ,queen encouraging2 and1 when the sweets were on the table1 she kindly asked him what he would like to take4 ,the ,etonian's eyes glanced hurriedly and nervously from dish to dish2 pointing to one of which1 he1 in some agitation1 exclaimed1 8,one of those twopenny tarts60 ,his young eye had recognised the favourite 8tuck0 he was in the habit of indulging in at the shop in ,eton1 and he asked for it according to the local phrase in fashion4 ,reverting to the lad who compared pine-apple to ,german sausage1 ,i may remark1 that pine-apple is most to be enjoyed when the weather is of that condition which made ,sydney ,smith once express a wish1 that he could 8slip out of his fat1 and sit in his bones40 ,the quince is a native of ,cydon1 in ,crete2 and first ,greece1 and then ,rome1 ,gaul1 and ,spain1 learned to love the fruit1 and drink a quince wine1 which was said to be excellent either as a stomachic or as a counter-poison4 ,galen recommended the pear as an astringent1 which is more than a modern practitioner will do4 ,st4 ,francis de ,paul introduced one sort into ,france when he paid a medical visit to ,louis ,,xi4 ,the species was named from the saint1 8le bon ,chrtien40 ,the apple may lay fair claim to antiquity of birth4 ,the fruit has been diversely estimated by divers nations2 but the general favour has usually awaited it4 ,in ancient times1 both in ,greece and ,persia1 it was the custom for a bridegroom at his nuptial feast to partake of a single apple1 and of nothing else4 ,the origin of the custom is said to arise from a decree issued by ,solon4 ,it was the sight of an apple that always put ,vladislas1 ,king of ,poland1 into fits4 ,it is the best fruit that can be taken as an accompaniment to wine2 and the best sorts for such a purpose are the ,ribstone ,pippin and the ,coster ,pearmain4 ,the golden apples stolen by ,hercules were lemons2 and they are suspected to have been the 8,median apples0 of ,theophrastus4 ,the ,romans1 at first1 employed this ,asiatic fruit only as a means for keeping moths out of garments2 from this household use it passed into the ancient pharmacopia1 and it took rank among the counter-poisons4 ,its acknowledged reputation in scurvy and punch1 if ,i may so express myself1 was not made until a much later period of civilization4 ,the orange disputes with the lemon the honour of being the 8,hesperides apples10--which is a dispute of a very ,hibernian character4 ,china was probably its native place2 and the ,portuguese oranges are merely descendants of the original 8,chinaman40 ,it was not known in ,france until introduced there by the ,constable de ,bourbon4 ,in ,england1 an orange1 stuck full of cloves1 was a fitting ,new ,year's present from a lover1--being typical of warmth and sweetness4 ,the fig-tree appears to have been1 like the vine1 very early used as a symbol of peace and plenty4 ,it was a tree of ,eden2 yet the ,athenians claimed it as a native tree1 asserting1 by way of proof1 that it had been given them by ,ceres1--not reflecting that ,ceres may have brought it from a region farther east4 ,if it be commonly employed in ,scripture as a symbol1 so an ,american poet has taken it1 with its scriptural allusions1 to illustrate worldly marriages1 of which he says1 that-- ----they are like unto ,jeremiah's figs3 ,the good are very good indeed2 ,the bad1 not fit for pigs4 ,the authorities of ,attica were so fond of their figs1 that they passed a law against the exportation of the fruit4 ,the advocates of free trade in figs broke the law when they could do so with profit2 and the men who affected to be on friendly terms with them1 in order to betray their proceedings to the ,magistrates1 were called by a name which is now given to all fawning traitors1--they were styled1 sycophants1 or 8fig-declarers40 ,even the philosophers in ,greece became greedy in presence of figs2 and with figs famished armies have been braced anew for the fight4 ,the athlet ate of them before appearing in the arena2 and more than one invasion has been traced to the taste of the invader for figs4 ,medical men were divided in opinion as to the merits of this fruit4 ,it was considered indigestible2 but1 to remedy that1 almonds were recommended to be eaten with it6 ,the ,romans1 perhaps1 were wiser1 who took pepper with them1 as we do with melon2 and ,dr4 ,madden says that we should never eat figs at all1 if we could only spend half an hour in ,smyrna1 and see them packed4 ,so1 as ,i have before said1 a sight of the kitchen1 just before dinner1 would take away appetite2 but as people do not commonly go to ,smyrna1 or sit with their cooks1 why1 figs and dinners will continue to be eaten4 ,modern professors have resembled ancient philosophers in an uncontrollable appetite for figs4 ,who has not heard of the famous ,oxford fig1 which1 in its progress to luscious maturity1 was protected by an inscription appended to it1 conveying information to the effect that 8this is the ,principal's fig60 which a daring ,undergraduate one day devoured1 and added insult to injury by changing the old placard for one on which was written1 8,a fig for the ,principal80 ,the felonious fig-stealer must have been more rapid in his sacrilege1 than the poet ,thomson was in his method of enjoying his own peaches in his garden at ,kew4 ,attired in the loosest and dirtiest of morning-gowns1 the author of the 8,castle of ,indolence0 used to watch his peaches ripening in the sun4 ,when he saw one bursting with liquid promise1 he was too lazy to take his unwashed hands from his well-worn pockets1 and pluck the blushing treasure4 ,no2 8,jamie0 simply sauntered up to it1 contemplated it for a moment with a yawn1 and finished his yawn by biting a piece out of the fruit1--leaving the ghastly remains on the branch for wasps and birds to divide between them4 ,as the ,athenian rulers kept their figs1 so did the ,persian ,kings their walnuts1--and more selfishly2 for no one but their most sacred ,majesties dared eat any2 but one would think that even they would find it hard to digest all the walnuts that the country could produce4 ,it is averred1 that walnuts entered largely into the ,mithridatic recipe against poison4 ,the modern recipe1 called 8,mithridate10 ,i have given elsewhere2 but that which ,pompey is said to have found in the palace of the ,king whom he had overthrown1 was as follows3 8,pound1 with care1 two walnuts1 two dried figs1 twenty pounds of rue1 and a grain of salt40 ,yes1 we should say it must be taken cum grano4 ,howbeit1 the royal physician goes on to say1 8,swallow this mixture1--precipitate it with a little wine1--and you have nothing to fear from the action of the most active poison1 for the space of four-and-twenty hours40 ,there would1 probably1 be less to fear after that time had elapsed than before4 ,nuts have not had respectability conferred on them1 even by ,nero1 who was wont to go incog4 to the upper gallery of the theatre1 and take delight in pelting them on the bald head of the ,prtor1 who sat below4 ,that official knew the offender1 and was rewarded for bearing the attack good-humouredly2 and thence1 perhaps1 the proverb which characterizes something falling1 at once sudden and pleasant1 by the term1 8,that's nuts60 ,of course1 nuts were in fashion2 not so chestnuts1--these were as much disliked by the ,patricians as the filbert and hazel were said1 in ,france1 to be hated by the sun4 ,when they were ripening1 the inhabitants used to issue forth at sunrise1 and endeavour to frighten the luminary out of the firmament1 by making a horrid uproar1 with pots1 pans1 and kitchen utensils generally4 ,and this was done under a ,christian dispensation4 ,the people were not heathen ,chinese1 trying to cure an eclipsed planet by attacking the dragon that was supposed to be swallowing it1 with a tintamarre of caldron1 kettle1 tongs1 and trivet4 ,the ,athenians were great hands at dumplings1 consisting of fruit1 covered with a light and perfumed paste2 and ,rhodes1 verifying the proverb1 that 8extremes meet10 was as famous for its gingerbread as for its ,colossus4 ,the ,roman wedding-cake was a simple mixture of sweet wine and flour2 and the savilum pie1 made of flour1 cheese1 honey1 and eggs1 was a dish to make all sorts of guests jubilant4 ,it was1 in short1 the national pie2 and if there were a dish that was more popular1 it was the artocreas1 a huge mince-pie1 and the imperial pie of ,verus1 compounded of sow's flank1 pheasant1 peacock1 ham1 and wild boar1 all hashed together1 and covered with crust4 ,if ,emperors invented pies1 so did philosophers create cakes2 and the libuna of ,cato was a real cheesecake1 that gave as much delight as any of the same author's works in literature4 ,cheese was a favourite foundation for many of the ,roman cakes2 but he was a bold man who added chalk1 and so invented the placenta4 ,yet the placenta was eaten as readily as ,charles ,,xii4 swallowed raspberry-tarts1 ,frederick ,,ii4 ,savoy cakes1 or ,marshal ,saxe--who loved pastry1 pastrycooks1 and pastrycooks' daughters--macaroons4 ,the ,church honoured pastry1--or would so pious a ,king as ,st4 ,louis have raised the pastrycooks to the dignity of a guild8 ,the ,abbey of ,st4 ,denis1 long before this1 stipulated with the tenant-farmers1 that they should deliver a certain quantity of flour1 to make pastry with2 and1 in some cases1 in ,france1 portions of the rent for lands was to be paid in puff pastry4 ,this was at a time when fennel-root tooth-picks used to appear at table1 thrust into the preserved fruits1 and every one was expected to help himself4 ,certainly our refined neighbours had some questionable customs4 ,see what ,l',etoile says3 7#aeif7 8,les confitures sches et les massepains y taient si peu pargns que les dames et demoiselles taient contraintes de s'en dcharger sur les pages et laquais1 auxquels on les baillait tout entiers40 ,prince ,george of ,denmark1 the consort of ,queen ,anne1 was never suspected of intermeddling with the foreign policy of the kingdom2 but he was something renowned for his appetite1 and for the bent of it towards pastry4 ,i think it is ,archdeacon ,coxe1 in his 8,life of the ,duke of ,marlborough10 who says of this illustrious ,prince1 that he would leave the battle-field1 in the very heat of action1 and come into camp1 with the hungry inquiry1 if it were not yet dinner-time4 ,this was something worse than drawing off the hounds1 or unloading the fowling-pieces1 because the 8,castle bell0 was peremptorily ringing to luncheon4 ,prince ,george was just the sort of man--fond of good living1 and able to entertain others with the same predilection--who was likely to be surrounded by parasites2 and the remembrance of this fact suggests that1 while the wine is passing round1 ,i may venture to give a sketch of that ancient and remarkable gentleman1 8the ,parasite40 ,it is better than getting upon controversial subjects1 which are productive of any thing but unanimity4 ,i remember one of the very pleasantest of 8after-dinners0 being marred by a guest1 who1 having slipped into the assertion that the ,jews were the earliest of created people1 was indiscreet enough to try to maintain what he had asserted1 and weak enough to be angry at finding it summarily rejected4 ,why1 ,father ,abraham himself was but a foreign ,heathen1 from ,ur of the ,chaldees2 and to claim primeval antiquity for the ,jews is only as absurd as if one were to say1 that ,yankees and mint julep were anterior to ,alfred's cakes and the ,anglo-,saxons4 ,but many a hasty assertion has been simply the effect of an antagonism between imperfect chymification and the oppressed intellect4 ,mind and matter have much influence on each other2 and1 for the guidance of those interested in such questions1 ,i may1 while on the subject of dinner1 notice1 that from ,dr4 ,beaumont's 8,table10 drawn out to show the mean time of digestion in the stomach 7or chymification7 of various articles of food1 we learn that boiled tripe ranks first in amiable facility1 being disposed of in about one hour4 ,venison steak requires some half-hour more4 ,boiled turkey and roast pig are classed together1 as requiring two hours and twenty-five minutes for the process of digestion2 while roast turkey and hashed meat demand five minutes more4 ,fricassed chicken is not more facile of digestion than boiled salt beef1 both requiring two hours and three-quarters4 ,boiled mutton1 broiled beefsteak1 and soft-boiled eggs1 take three hours2 while roast beef and old strong cheese trouble the stomach for some three hours and a half4 ,roast duck1 and fowls1 whether boiled or roasted1 are alike slow of digestion3 they require four hours as their mean time of chymification1 and are only exceeded by boiled cabbage1 which requires full half-an-hour more4 ,i borrow these details from an article in the 8,journal of ,psychological ,medicine10 for ,january1 #ahea1 a periodical edited by ,dr4 ,forbes ,winslow4 ,i believe ,i do not err in attributing the article in question 78,mental ,dietetics07 to the able pen of the accomplished ,editor himself1 than whom no man has a better right to speak ex cathedr on the subject in question4 ,it will be seen1 by the following extract from this article1 that diet influences the mind as well as the body4 8,the nutritive particles of the food10 says ,dr4 ,winslow1 8being in the form of chyle1 mixed with the blood1 and supplying it with the elements which enable it to repair the waste of the animal system1 it is obvious that the health1 both of the body and of the mind1 must depend on the quality and quantity of the vital stream4 ,according to ,lecanu1 the proportion of the red globules of the blood may be regarded as a measure of vital energy2 for the action of the serum and of the globules on the nervous system is very different4 ,the former scarcely excites it1 the latter do so powerfully4 ,now those causes which tend to increase the mass of blood1 tend also to increase the proportion of red globules2 whilst those which tend to diminish the mass of blood1 tend to diminish the proportion of the globules4 ,the result is obvious4 ,a large quantity of stimulating animal food1 without a proper amount of exercise1 augments the number of the red globules1 and diminishes the aqueous part of the blood4 ,hence the nervous system becomes oppressed1 the brain frequently congested1 and the intellectual faculties no longer enjoy their wonted activity4 ,in the mean time1 the system endeavours to relieve itself by throwing a counter-stimulus upon certain other organs1 the functions of which are morbidly increased4 ,the blood1 in such cases1 becomes preternaturally thickened1 and its coagulum unusually firm4 ,on the other hand1 if the system be not supplied with the requisite amount of nutrition1 the blood becomes1 by the loss of its red corpuscles1 impoverished in quality1 and1 in cases of extreme abstinence1 diminished in quantity4 ,in these cases the powers of the mind soon become enfeebled40 ,but we will pass from these scientific matters1 to seek the company of one who1 if ignorant of science1 was1 generally1 a great man in the profession of his peculiar art1--the ancient parasite4 ,,the ,,parasite4 ----8,pity those whose flanks grow great1 ,swell'd by the lard of others' meat40--,,herrick4 ,para1 8near10 and sitos1 8corn10 pretty well explain what the ,greeks understood by the word 8parasite40 ,as the worthless weed among the wheat1 so was this classical ,skimpole in the field of society4 ,as the weed hung for support to the substance that promised to yield it1 so did the parasite cling to the side of those who kept good tables1 and lacked wit to enliven them4 ,the parasite was too delicate a fellow to allow of invidious distinctions4 ,he supped or dined wherever he was invited1 and at marriage feasts waited for no invitation at all4 ,there he was in his glory4 ,he was the cracker of jokes1 and of the heads of those who did not agree with every word that fell from the lips of the ,amphitryon of the hour4 ,he usually1 however1 got his own skull bruised by the watch1 when staggering home through the dark1 8full of the god10 and without a slave to direct his steps4 ,but it was only with the morning that he became conscious at once of pain from the bruises1 and the necessity of providing1 at the cost of others1 for his own breakfast4 ,these professional 8livers out0 were1 however1 not always unattended4 ,the victims whom they flattered sometimes lent them a slave4 ,their wardrobe seldom extended beyond two suits1 one for the public1 and one for wear at home4 ,they looked abroad for dupes1 just as our ring-droppers used to do1 and for the same purpose4 ,the parasite generally attached himself to the first simple-looking personage he encountered1 provided he bore with him proofs of being a man who could afford to live well4 ,simplex usually swallowed with complacency all the three-piled flattery with which the parasite troubled him2 and if he were expecting friends to dinner1 the gastronome1 who wanted one1 was probably invited4 ,but there was always an understanding1 that1 in return for the invitation1 he was to maintain1 for the diversion of the company1 a continual fire of jokes4 ,if he proved but a sorry jester1 he was promptly scourged into the street1 down which he ran1 nothing abashed1 to look for hearers whom indifferent jests could move to ready laughter4 ,the parasite looked upon the fortune and table of others as a property which was properly to be held in common4 ,monsieur ,prudhon really started a parasitical precept1 when he tried to establish1 that what belonged to one man belonged to a great many others besides4 ,but if1 as regarded his own share in property that was not his own1 the parasite was so far a ,communist1 he was the most charitable of fellows1 his earnest prayer being1 that none of his patrons might ever fall into such distress as to be unable to give good dinners4 ,the dinner-table was his arena4 ,if he got but one meal a day1 he consumed enough thereat to satisfy half-a-dozen appetites2 and1 as he ate1 it was matter of perfect indifference to him whether he was called upon to find wit for the guests1 or to be the butt of their own4 ,you might buffet him till he were senseless1 provided the blows were afterwards paid for in brimming glasses4 ,he was always first at a feast2 and as he was as common an object at a feast as the sauce itself1 so 8sauce0 was the common name for a parasite4 ,there he was not only wit1 butt1 and bully1 but porter also2 and his office was not merely to knock down the drunken1 but to carry them out when incapable of performing that office for themselves4 ,the parasites had a dash1 too1 of the 8bravo0 in their character1 and let themselves out for a dozen other purposes besides dining4 ,the stronger-bodied and the braver-souled let out their strength4 8,do you want a wrestler80 says the parasite1 in ,antiphus1 8here ,i am1 an ,antus4 ,if you want a door forced1 ,i have a head like a ram to do it2 and ,i can scale a wall like ,capaneus4 ,telamon was not stronger than my wrist2 and ,i can wreathe into the ear of beauty like smoke40 ,some of these ,bobadils are even said to have ventured into battle1 and to have especially distinguished themselves in the ,commissariat department6 ,others boasted of their powers of fasting1--always provided good pay assured them of compensating banquets at the end of their service4 8,i can live on as little as ,tithymallus10 says one2 and the individual in question is said to have supported life on eight lupines a day1--a hint to ,poor-,law ,commissioners4 ,another makes a merit of being as thin as ,philippides1 who1 like ,hood's friend1 was so thin1 that1 when he stood side-ways1 you could not see him6 ,the merits of a third are summed up by him in saying1 that he can live on water1 like a frog2 on vegetables1 like a caterpillar2 can go without bathing1 like ,dirtiness herself1 if there be such a deity2 can live in winter with no roof but the sky1 like a bird2 can support heat1 and sing beneath a noon-day sun1 like a grasshopper2 do without oil1 like the dust2 walk bare-footed from break of day1 like the crane2 and keep wide awake all night1 like the owl4 ,of such a profession the parasite was proud1 and even declared that its origin was divine2 and that ,jupiter ,amicalis 7 7 was its patron saint6 ,as ,jove entered where he chose1 ate and drank of what most took his fancy1 and1 after creating an atmosphere of enjoyment1 retired without having any thing to pay2 just so1 it was argued1 was it with the parasite4 ,in ,attica1 parasites were admitted to the commemorative banquets that followed the sacrifices to ,hercules2 proof enough that they were accounted as being of the same kidney as heroes4 ,in later times came degenerate men and manners2 and then1 instead of honourable men sitting with gods and heroes1 the office of parasite was so degraded1 that none but the hungry wits exercised it4 ,flattery to mortals then took the place of praise to gods4 ,the parasite was ready to laud every act of the master of the feast1-- 8----laudare paratus ,si bene ructavit1 si rectum minxit amicus10 and to eulogize a great number of other acts besides1 as may be found noted by those who are very curious1 and not over-nice1 in the fragments of ,diodorus of ,sinope4 ,the fellows were witty1 too1 however degraded4 ,when ,chrephon had1 uninvited1 slipped into a vacant position at a wedding-dinner1 the gynconomes1 as inspectors of the feast1 counting the guests1 came upon him last1 and said1 8,you are the thirty-first3 it is against the law2 you must withdraw40 8,i do not dispute the law10 said the parasite1 8but ,i object to your manner of counting4 ,begin the numbering by me1 and your conclusions will be indisputable40 ,the parasite1 ,philoxenus1 happened to be supping with a host who gave his guests nothing but black bread4 8,this is not a loaf1 but a spectre10 whispered the professional wit3 8if we eat any more of it1 we shall soon be in the shades40 ,there was more wit in ,bithys1 the parasite of the avaricious ,king ,lysimachus1 who one day1 at dinner1 flung a wooden scorpion at the flatterer4 ,the latter affected great fright1 but afterwards remarked1 8,i will1 in my turn1 terrify you1 ,o ,king2 be good enough to give me a talent40 ,clisophus1 another of this strange brotherhood1 either fooled or flattered ,king ,philip to the very top of his bent4 ,the ,king having lost an eye1 ,clisophus always sat down to dinner in his presence with a bandage over one of his own2 and when the ,monarch limped1 from a wound in the leg1 ,clisophus went 8halting at his side20 and if1 by chance1 an ill odour affected the royal nostrils1 ,clisophus wore1 all day long1 a grimace upon his features1 as if he were sick with disgust4 ,however absurd this may appear1 the parasites of ,louis ,,xiv4 flattered him as grossly as the original practitioners did the early and heathen ,kings4 ,people shaved their heads and wore periwigs1 because the ,monarch1 having little hair of his own1 wore long locks cropped from other heads4 ,so1 when once at dinner he complained of having lost his teeth1 a young flatterer who sat next him swore1 with a broad smile which displayed his own incisors1 that nobody had teeth now-a-days4 ,and again1 when the ,king1 on his seventieth birthday1 inquired the age of a person from whom he had received a petition1 the reply was1 that the person was of everybody's age1--about threescore and ten4 ,nay1 the ,court preachers flattered the ,sovereign quite as coarsely as the mere courtiers1 and would not have received invitations to dinner1 if they had not done so4 8,my brethren10 said one of these1 8all men must die20 and at that very moment he perceived the eye of the ,king glaring uneasily upon him3--8that is to say1 ,sire1 almost all men60 and the complaisant preacher was at the royal table that day4 ,the same parasitical spirit prevailed at the ,english ,court1 especially when bolster neckcloths were worn1 simply because the ,king was compelled to wear one1 in consequence of a disease in the glands of the neck4 ,but1 to translate the sentiment of the ,french poet1-- 8,from royal example slaves have never shrunk3 ,when ,auguste tippled1 ,poland soon got drunk4 ,when the great ,monarch breathed the air of love1 ,hey1 presto1 pass6 ,paris was ,venus' grove6 ,but turn'd a ,churchman and devout1 alas6 ,the courtiers ran and beat their breasts at mass40 ,it is said by ancient writers that the species of flattery which ,clisophus paid ,philip1 was obligatory on all the guests and officials in the ancient royal ,courts of ,arabia4 ,there1 if the ,king suffered in any member1 every courtier was bound to be in pain in the same limb4 ,this species of flattery was1 in fact1 a conclusion logically arrived at2 for the ,arab lawgivers said that it would be absurd in the courtiers to vie with one another for the honour of being buried alive with the ,king defunct1 if they did not suffer with him in all his bodily pains when living4 ,the ,celtic ,king of the ,sotians maintained a body of men who were called the 8,eucholimes10 or the 8,death ,volunteers40 ,they amounted to six hundred men2 they were lodged1 clothed1 and tended like the ,king1 with whom they daily sat at meat2 but they were also bound to die with their master2 and it is alleged that the chance was eagerly incurred1 and that no man ever failed1 when called upon by the ,king's decease1 to accompany ,his ,majesty on a visit to his royal cousin1 ,orcus4 ,but your regular parasite preferred to live and flatter living ,monarchs4 8,see10 said ,niceas1 when he saw ,alexander troubled by a fly that stung him1 8there is one that will be ,king over all flies2 for he has imbibed the blood of him who is ,king over all men40 ,the flattery was not more delicate which ,chirisophus once paid at dinner to ,dionysius the ,tyrant4 ,chirisophus1 seeing the ,king smile at the other end of the table1 burst into a roar of laughter4 ,the ,king asked1 8,wherefore80 seeing that the parasite could not have heard the joke4 8,true10 said ,chirisophus2 8but ,i saw that ,your ,majesty had heard something worth laughing at1 and ,i laughed in sympathy40 ,this species of parasite is not uncommon in ,english houses2 but perhaps they do their office more refinedly than ,chirisophus4 ,the flatterers of the younger ,dionysius were far more disgusting in their adulation4 ,they were simply absurd1 when they pretended to be short-sighted1 like him1 and to be unable to see a dish1 unless they thrust their noses into it4 ,but they were filthy followers when they offered their faces for the ,king to 8void his rheum0 upon1 and even went to extremes of nastiness at which human nature shudders1 but at which ,dionysius smiled4 ,and yet ,dionysius was hailed by some of them as a god4 ,it was the custom1 we are told1 in ,sicily1 for every individual to make sacrifices1 in his own house1 before the figures of the nymphs1 to get devoutly drunk before the altar1 and to dance round it as long as the pious devotee could keep upon his legs4 ,it was accounted as an exquisite piece of flattery in ,damocles1 the parasite1 that he refused to perform such service before inanimate deities1 while he went through the whole duty before ,dionysius as his god4 ,the ,athenians1 it will be remembered1 were horror-stricken at such impious laudation as this4 ,they fined ,demades ten talents for having proposed to award divine honours to ,alexander2 and ,timagoras1 whom they had sent as ,ambassador to the ,king of ,persia1 they put to death for compromising the ,athenian dignity by prostrating himself before that ,king4 ,and1 indeed1 let us do justice to ,alexander himself4 ,he had more than misgiving touching his own alleged divinity4 ,he had once--8his custom in the afternoon0--eaten and drunk so enormously1 that in the evening he was forced to a necessity which compels very mortal people1--take physic4 ,he made as many contortions1 on swallowing it1 as a refractory child2 and ,philarches1 his parasite1 remarked1 with a rascally hypocritical smile1 8,ah6 what must be the sufferings of mortal man under such medicine1 if you1 who are a divinity1 feel it so much60 ,the idea of a deity drawing health out of an apothecary's phial1 was too much even for ,alexander1 who declined to accept the apotheosis1 and called ,philarches an ass4 ,but ,philarches was only giving the ,king a taste of the parasite's professional craft4 ,the noble ,nicostratus of ,argos quite as impiously flattered the ,sovereign of ,persia1 when1 for the sake of currying favour with that majestic barbarian1 he every night1 in his own house1 prepared a solemn supper1 richly provided1 and offered to the genius of the ,king1 7 17 for no better reason than that he had learned that such was the custom in ,persia4 ,whether he profited or not by this delicate attention1 ,theopompus does not inform us4 ,the ,anactes or ,princes of the royal family of ,salamis maintained two distinct families1 in whom1 if ,i understand ,athenus rightly1 the office of flatterer 7and of spy1 ,i may add7 was hereditary4 ,these were the ,gerginoi and the ,promalangai4 ,the former did the dirty work of circulating among the people1 worming themselves into their confidence1 getting invited to their tables1 and then reporting to the ,promalangai all they had heard4 ,the last-named took such portions of the report as were worth communicating to the ,anactes1 with whom they sat at table1 where such a dish of scandal was daily served as would puzzle the social spies of ,paris to set before their lord4 ,but the profession was not accounted vile2 and the professors themselves gloried in their vocation4 ,they extolled the easiness of their life1 compared1 for instance1 with that of the painter1 or the labourer1 or1 in fact1 with that of any other individual but those of their own guild4 8,truly10 says one1 in a fragment of ,antiphanes1 8since the most important business in life is to play1 laugh1 trifle1 and drink1 ,i should like to know where you would find a condition more agreeable than ours40 ,once1 and once only1 a faction of parasites contrived to get possession of a kingdom2 and the dinners they gave1 and the government they maintained1 are matters to which description can hardly do justice4 ,the faction in question was headed by1 and almost solely consisted of1 three men in ,erythra1 who stood1 in regard to ,cnopus1 the ,king1 as 8adorers and flatterers0 7 74 ,they murdered their ,sovereign1 and1 by a coup-d'tat1 possessed themselves of his authority4 ,their names were ,ortyges1 ,irus1 and ,echarus2 and they ruled with a triple rod of iron1 held in very effeminate fingers4 ,they silenced all opponents by slaying them2 and1 when no one dared utter a breath against them1 they vaunted their universal popularity4 ,they administered a ferociously absurd sort of justice at the gates of ,erythra1 where they sat decked out in purple and gold4 ,they were sandaled like women1 wore ornaments only suitable to females1 and sat down to dinner in diadems that dazzled the company4 ,the guests were once free citizens1 who were now compelled to bear the litters of their parvenu masters1 to cleanse the streets1 and then1 by way of contrast1 to attend the banquet of the ,triumvirs1 with their wives and daughters4 ,if they objected to drag these latter to the scene of splendid infamy1 the objection was only made at the price of death4 ,the unhappy women were nothing the safer from insult by the decease of their natural protectors2 and the scenes at the palace were such as only the uncleanest of demons could rejoice in4 ,if the authorities had reason to be grave1 the whole city was compelled to affect sorrow2 and duly-appointed officers went round1 with hard-thonged whips1 to scourge a sense of 8decent horror0 into the countenances of the bewildered inhabitants4 ,things at last reached such a pitch of extravagant atrocity1 that the people took heart of grace1 screwed up their courage by ,chian wine1 and swept their oppressors into ,hades2--and1 for years afterwards1 commemorative banquets celebrated the restoration of the people from the oppression of the parasites4 ,i would recommend those who would see the parasite in action1 to study the comedies of ,plautus1 wherein he figures as necessarily as the impertinent valet in a ,spanish comedy4 ,plautus calls the parasites poet1 as being given to lying2 and it is singular that the ,gauls called their poets 8parasites10 as being fond of good living1 and not being always in a condition to procure it4 ,they had their 8dull season30 it was when the wealthy were at their villas2 at which time the parasites dined upon nothing1 in town1 with good 8,duke ,humphrey40 ,when the city was again resorted to by the rich1 then the parasite might sometimes be seen purchasing1 by order of his patron1 the provisions for the evening feast4 ,we find one of these gentry1 in ,plautus1 boasting that he knows a story that will be worth thirty dinners to him4 ,before the era of printing1 the parasite1 with his jests and histories1 was a sort of living ,circulating ,library4 ,saturion 7another of ,plautus's pictures of the parasite7 is at peace with himself1 because1 as he says1 he can provide for his daughter by bequeathing to her his rich collection of jokes and dinner-stories4 8,they are all sparkling ,attic10 he says2 8and there is not a dull ,sicilian anecdote among them40 ,if the race were1 in some sense of the word1 8literary10 they were not at all in love with science1 or the improvements wrought by its application4 ,witness the bitterness with which ,plautus makes one denounce the sun-dial1 then of recent introduction4 ,before that tell-tale appeared1 dinners used to be served when people were hungry2 but now even hungry people wait for the appointed hour4 ,in short1 throughout life1 they worked but for the sake of the banquet and wine-pot2 and1 even after death1 they longed for libations1 as appears in the epitaph on the parasite1 ,sergius of ,pola1 who is made to say1 from the grave1-- 8,si urbani perhiberi vultis ,arenti meo cineri1 ,cantharo piaculum vinarium festinate40 8,if you've any regard for this corpse here of mine1 ,be so good as to damp it with hogsheads of wine40 ,finally1 these diners-out by profession were essentially selfish2 and the fire of their attachment blazed up1 or died away1 according to that in the kitchen of the ,amphitryon by whom they were maintained4 ,a good specimen of the parasite of the last century may be found in the ,captain ,cormorant of ,anstey's 8,bath ,guide20 but the race is by no means extinct1 though the individual be more rarely met with2 and1 be it said as their due1 they execute their office with something more of decency than did their ancient predecessors4 ,modern flattery1 like modern oils1 is 8double refined40 ,let us see if we can trace the course of this refinement through the ,table ,traits of ,utopia and the ,golden ,age4 ,,the ,,tables ,,of ,,utopia ,,and ,,the ,,golden ,,age4 ,the good ,archbishop ,fnelon1 in his 8,voyage dans l',ile des ,plaisirs10 cites some charming examples of the pleasant way in which people lived in the ,utopian ,land of ,cocagne1 which he describes from imagination1 and where the laws were characterized by more good sense than distinguishes the legislation of the ,utopian authorities of ,more4 ,the 8,voyage0 of ,fnelon was probably founded on a fragment of ,teleclides1 who has narrated1 in rattling ,greek metres1 how the citizens of the world lived and banqueted in the golden age of its lusty youth4 ,the poet puts the description into the mouth of ,saturn1 who says1 8,i will tell you what sort of life ,i vouchsafed to men in the early ages of creation4 ,in the first place1 peace reigned universally1 and was as common as the water you wash your hands with4 ,fear and disease were entirely unknown2 and the earth provided spontaneously for every human want4 ,the rivers then poured cataracts of wine into the valleys2 and cakes disputed with loaves to get into the mouth of man1 as he walked abroad1 supplicating to be eaten1 and giving assurances of excellent flavour and quality4 ,the tables were covered with fish which floated into the kitchens1 and courteously put themselves to roast4 ,by the sides of the couches rolled streams of sauces1 bearing with them joints of ready-roasted meat2 while rivulets full of ragots were near the guests1 who dipped in1 and took therefrom1 according to their fancy4 ,every one could eat of what he pleased2 and all that he ate was sweet and succulent4 ,there were countless pomegranate seeds for seasoning2 little pts and grives1 done to a turn1 insinuated themselves into the mouths of the banqueters2 and tarts got smashed in trying to force their way into the throat4 ,the children played with sow-paps and other delicacies as they would with toys2 and the men were gigantic in height1 and obese in figure40 ,the above is a specimen of the classical idea of that delicious-- ----8,land of ,cocagne1 ,that ,elysium of all that is friand and nice1 ,where for hail they have bon-bons1 and claret for rain1 ,and the skaters1 in winter1 show off on cream-ice40 ,it is a theme with which modern poets have been as fond of dealing as ,teleclides and others of the tuneful children of song1 in the early period when young ,time counted his birthdays by the sun4 ,it has been well treated by ,branger1 who thus describes1 through my imperfect translation1 his own impressions of ,a ,,journey ,,to ,,the ,,land ,,of ,,cocagne4 ,ho1 friends1 every one6 ,let us up1 and be gone2-- ,to where care is not known1 ,let us hasten away6 ,yes2 fired with champagne1 ,i reel o'er the plain1 ,and see dear ,cocagne ,in its sunny array4 ,o6 land full of glee1-- ,here long may ,i be1 ,and laugh merrilie ,at ,fate's changeable way4 ,for here--what a treat6-- ,i may love1 drink1 and eat1 ,and--this makes it more sweet-- ,there is nothing to pay6 ,my appetite's great1 ,and ,i see the huge gate ,of a tower of state ,at my elbow1 handy3 ,the tower is a pie2-- ,and tall guards1 standing by1 ,carry spears ten feet high1 ,all in sugar-candy4 ,ah6 banquet of fun1 ,it will please ev'ry one3 ,look1 there is not a gun ,but of sugar is made6 ,see the paintings1 how grand6 ,and the statues1 they stand1 ,all wrought by the hand ,out of sweet marmalade4 ,here the people repair ,in gay crowds to the square1 ,where the jests of a fair ,with loud merriment shine2 ,where the fountains so gay ,not with water do play1 ,but are sparkling away ,with rich1 rosy1 old wine6 ,here1 the baking's begun2 ,there1 the baking is done2-- ,see the folks how they run1 ,with beef1 mutton1 and veal4 ,and the eaters think fit1 ,that the man who lacks wit1 ,shall be made a 8turnspit10 ,and be bound to the wheel4 ,to the palace ,i haste1 ,with two ,falstaffs ,i feast1 7,twenty stone weighs the least17 ,and with them hob and nob4 ,and here1 too1 ,i've found1 ,where such good things abound1 ,shy ,venus quite round1 ,and young ,cupid a squab4 ,no sadness of brow1 ,no pedantic vain show1 ,no pompous state-bow1 ,can be ever allow'd3-- ,but with feasting and song ,we carry night on1 ,drink deep and drink long1 ,and toast beauty aloud4 ,now1 good-natured lasses1 ,to the music of glasses1 ,as the sweet dessert passes1 ,let's laugh the time by4 ,let fools sigh and snuffle1 ,and merriment muffle1 ,but you1 dears1 shall ruffle ,our pro--priety4 99 99 99 99 99 ,so1 in this joyous way1 ,with fresh loves ev'ry day1 ,and with no debts to pay1 ,we scamper time o'er2 ,while between drinking deep1 ,and light visions in sleep1 ,our young years will creep ,to a hundred or more4 ,yes1 dear old ,cocagne1 ,it's with thee1--free from pain1-- ,but who checks my strain1 ,in an accent so shrill8 ,for1 while singing1 ,i thought1-- ,but1 my friends1 we are caught1-- ',tis the waiter who's brought ,his confounded long bill4 ,the fairy-land of ,cocagne is said to derive its name from the ,latin1 coquere1 8to cook40 ,duchat says1 that its flocks and herds present themselves perfectly cooked1 and that the larks descend from the skies ready roasted4 ,for it is there alone-- 8,where so ready all nature its cookery yields1 ,maccaroni au parmesan grows in the fields2 ,little birds fly about with the true pheasant taint1 ,and the geese are all born with a liver complaint40 ,the ,utopian banquets1 which are described by ,more1 present an imaginary view of society in another extreme4 ,the learned ,chancellor1 amid much invented nonsense1 pictures the manners of the citizens of ,amaurat after the fashion of those of ,crete and ,lacedmonia1 especially with regard to their common halls for their repasts1--a fashion1 by the way1 which was partially followed in the club-rooms of ,attica4 ,others of the author's ideas have been realized since he wrote2 and1 in this respect1 his ,utopia may be said to have done good service2 but there is a woful residue of nonsense1 nevertheless1 which is neither amusing nor useful4 ,sir ,thomas describes the citizens of ,amaurat as possessing provision markets abundantly supplied with herbs1 fruits1 bread1 fowl1 and cattle4 ,the latter were previously slain in extra-mural slaughter-houses1 well-furnished with running water1 for washing away the filth after killing4 ,the butchers were slaves1 7for serfdom 8was a peculiar institution0 of this happy republic17 the free citizens not being permitted to kill animals1 lest such pursuit should harden their singularly tender characters4 8,in every street10 we are told by the author1 8there are great halls that lie at an equal distance from one another1 and are marked by peculiar names4 ,the ,syphogrants dwell in those1 that are set over thirty families1 fifteen lying on one side of it1 and as many on the other4 ,in these they do all meet and eat4 ,the stewards of every one of them come to the market-place at an appointed hour1 and1 according to the number of those that belong to their hall1 they carry home provisions4 ,but they take more care of their sick than of any others4444 ,after the steward of the hospitals has taken for them whatever the physician does prescribe for them1 at the market-place1 then the best things that remain are distributed equally among the halls1 in proportion to their numbers2 only1 in the first place1 they serve the ,prince1 the ,chief ,priest1 the ,tranibors1 and ,ambassadors1 and strangers1 if there are any1 which1 indeed1 falls out but seldom1 and for whom there are houses well-furnished1 particularly appointed1 when they come among them4 ,at the hours of dinner and supper1 the ,syphogranty1 being called together by sound of trumpet1 meets and eats together1 except only such as are in the hospitals1 or lie sick at home4 ,yet1 after the halls are served1 no man is hindered to carry provisions home from the market-place1 for they know none does that but for some good reason2 for1 though any that will may eat at home1 yet none does it willingly1 since it is both an indecent and foolish thing for any to give themselves the trouble to make ready an ill dinner at home1 when there is a much more plentiful one made ready for him so near at hand4 ,all the uneasy and sordid services about these halls are done by their slaves2 but the dressing and cooking of their meat1 and ordering of their tables1 belong only to the women1 which goes round all the women of every family by turns4 ,they sit at three or more tables1 according to their numbers2 the men sit towards the wall1 and the women sit on the other side1 that if any of them fall suddenly ill1 which is ordinary to those expecting to be mothers1 she may1 without disturbing the rest1 rise and go to the nurses' room1 who are there with the suckling children1 where there is always fire and clean water at hand1 and some cradles in which they may lay the young children10 c4 ,but1 to return from this public nursery to the public dining hall1 8all the children under five years of age dined with the nurses3 the rest of the younger sort of both sexes1 till they are fit for marriage1 do either serve those that sit at table2 or1 if they are not strong enough for that1 they stand by them in great silence1 and eat that which is given them by those that sit at table1 nor have they any other formality of dining40 ,the whole formality was bad enough1 and that last-mentioned was a ,doric custom prevailing in ,crete4 ,as to the personal arrangements at these ,utopian tables1 the infelicitous guests stood much upon their order of precedence3 the syphogrant and his wife1 the gndige ,frau ,syphograntinn1 presided at the centre of the cross-table1 at the upper end of the hall4 ,after the ,magistrates and their mates1 came the ,priests and their ladies1--for ,more placed the ,church below the ,state1 and hinted that celibacy in the ,clergy was not to be commended4 ,below these1 groups of the young and gay were placed1 between flanking companies of the aged and grave1 to spoil their mirth1 and improve their manners2 and this ,spartan custom was occasionally imitated at ,athenian feasts1 albeit the ,athenians looked with something like contempt upon the institutions of old ,laconia4 ,the best dishes were placed before the oldest men1 and the latter gave of the dainty bits to the young1 if these merited such favour by their behaviour2 if not1 they took their chance of what the older gourmands might leave1 or were obliged to be content with the plainer fare allotted to them4 ,during this delectable process1 the young could not have offended by their gaiety1 nor the old have improved them by conversation1 seeing that a reader was appointed1 to assist digestion by reading aloud an ,essay on ,morality4 ,the ,romans had the same office performed at some of their meals by learned slaves4 ,more expressly says that the ,utopian lecture was so short1 that it was neither tedious nor uneasy to those that heard it2 and that after it1 the elders not only wagged their beards by 8pleasant enlargements10 but encouraged the young to follow them in the same track4 ,this must have been after the supper1 when it was the law of ,utopia1 not to 8run a mile10 but to 8rest awhile40 ,the dinners were dispatched quickly1 because work awaited the diners1 while the supper-eaters had nothing to do afterwards but sleep4 ,this must have been all terribly dreary1 if it had ever been realized4 ,the only pleasant feature in ,more's ,utopian banquets is1 that wherein he says that there was always music at supper1 and fruit served up after meat1 7which1 by the way1 was a cruel trial for the digestive powers17 and that as the repast proceeded1 8some burn perfumes1 and sprinkle about sweet ointments1 and sweet waters2 and they are wanting in nothing that may cheer up their spirits2 for they give themselves a large allowance in that way1 and indulge themselves in all such pleasures as are attended with no inconvenience4 ,thus10 he adds1 8do they that are in towns eat together2 but in the country1 where they live at a greater distance1 every one eats at home1 and no family wants any necessary sort of provision2 for it is from them that provisions are sent in to them that live in the towns40 ,i have noticed above the slave-readers at ,roman dinners4 ,these were seldom born slaves2 indeed1 of born slaves1 among the ,greeks or ,romans1 the numbers were fewer than might be reasonably imagined4 ,those who became authors or teachers1 were the distinguished and illustrious of their class2 and it was they who relieved the tedium of a ,roman repast by reading livelier sallies than ,essays on ,morality1 like the ,utopians4 ,if their rank in humanity was low1 their ability secured for them many privileges which even freedmen did not enjoy4 ,of this rank of reading slaves was ,andronicus1 the inventor of dramatic poetry4 ,plautus1 the witty1 but coarse1 play-writer1 miller1 and ,jack of all trades1 was a slave4 ,terence was also a dramatist1 and not only a slave1 but a ,negro slave4 sop the fabulist1 ,phdrus1 his imitator1 and the moral philosopher ,epictetus1 were slaves4 ,the latter1 who was as low in condition among bondsmen as he was exalted in his character of teacher of mankind1 was the slave of one who had been a slave1--a depth of degradation than which there can be none deeper4 ,but his mission was a great one2 for he appears to me to have been an instrument employed to prepare men's minds for a change from the vices of ,paganism to the virtues of ,christianity4 ,his writings are as stepping-stones across the dark and rapid stream dividing error from truth4 ,they are admirably calculated to enable men to go forward2 not only to induce them to make the first step out of infidelity2 but1 having made it1 rather to make a second in advance towards ,christ1 than go backward again in the direction of the dazzling unintelligibilities of the ,capitoline ,jove4 ,from slavery1 if we turn our eyes towards mere poverty1 the next condition to it1 we shall see that the poor men characteristically paid their addresses to poetry2--and they were the 8lions0 at the dinners and assemblies of ,rome4 ,such was ,horace1 who1 if he were not in want1 was of inferior descent1 his father having been a slave1 and subsequently1 on being enfranchised1 a tax-gatherer4 ,virgil was of equally mean descent on the paternal side2 but he derived some portion of nobility from his mother4 ,juvenal1 too1 was not only poor and a poet1--a condition that could draw upon it only a serf's contempt1--but he was1 moreover1 an exceedingly angry poet4 ,in equal proportion as he was poor1 angry1 and satirical in poetry1 was ,lucian poor1 angry1 and satirical in prose4 ,if the dining-out poets were poor1 it was much the same with the philosophers4 ,the proudest walks of philosophy were trodden by ,demosthenes1 the blacksmith4 ,socrates was the ill-featured1 but original-minded1 son of a mason and midwife4 ,epicurus was only rich in a valueless boast of being descended from ,ajax2 and ,isocrates1 whose father manufactured the musical ancestry from which are descended the modern families of piano-forte and fiddle1 was also one of the immortal race of intellectual giants4444 ,of other writers we may remark1 that ,quintus ,curtius1 whose 8,alexander the ,great0 is the first historical romance that ever was written1 and contains the best description of a ,babylonian banquet that ever was painted in words1 was of an ignoble family4 ,celsus was1 at least1 not a ,roman citizen1 though resident at ,rome2 and ,plutarch was just 8respectable10 and nothing more2--though to be worthy of respect1 as the term implies1 is as high rank as a man need sigh for4 ,but though art and science1 though the ,nine ,sisters who made ,parnassus vocal1 were thus worshipped by the slave and his cousin the beggar1 wealth was by no means a synonymous term for either sloth or incapacity4 ,the opulent ,lucretius1 who believed nothing2 the two ,plinies1 the soul of one of whom1 8with a difference10 entered into ,horace ,walpole1 and who wrote about his slave ,zozimus1 as ,walpole does of his favourite servants2 the tender and chivalrous ,tibullus1--a ,latin ,sir ,philip ,sidney2 the profligate ,sophocles2 schylus1 the bottle-drainer2 and the lofty ,euripides3 all these mounted ,pegasus with golden spurs1 and gave glorious dinners to guests with whom they could contend in the battle of brains4 ,some1 like ,martial1 got their mouths filled with the sugar-candy of imperial recompence4 ,csar1 the ,commentator1 was the descendant of the ,sabine ,kings1 and the founder of an empire4 ,in ,plato we see the double condition of aristocrat and slave4 ,from the latter condition he was rescued by his noble friends at the cost of three thousand drachmas2 more fortunate in this than ,diogenes1 who1 being friendless1 was left to hug his irons1 and teach his master's sons to love virtue and liberty4 ,and the mention of the name of ,plato reminds me of a more modern philosopher1 who did not lack reverence for him1--,i mean ,bacon1--and ,bacon naturally brings me from my digression to the subject of 8,table ,traits0 in imaginary ,utopias4 ,this philosopher1 in his 8,new ,atlantis10 is even more infelicitous than ,more1 both in the framing of his fiction1 and the extracting from it of a moral4 ,the table laws spoken of in ,solomon's house1 have more of a jolly aspect than those drawn by ,sir ,thomas ,more4 ,for instance1 8,i will not hold you long with recounting of our brewhouses1 bakehouses1 and kitchens1 where are made divers drinks1 breads1 and meats1 rare and of special effects4 ,wines we have of grapes1 and drinks of other juice1 of fruits1 of grains1 and of roots2 and of mixtures with honey1 sugar1 manna1 and fruits dried and decocted2 also of the tears and woundings of trees1 and of the pulp of canes3 and these drinks are of several ages1 some to the age at least of forty years4 ,we have drinks also brewed of several herbs or roots1 and spices1 yea1 with several fleshes and wine-meats1 whereof some of the drinks are such as they are in effect meat and drink both4 ,so that divers1 especially in age1 do desire to live with them1 with little or no meat or bread2 and1 above all1 we strive to have drinks of extreme thin parts1 to insinuate into the body1 and yet without all biting sharpness1 or fretting2 insomuch as some of them put upon the back of your hand will1 with a little stay1 pass through to the palm1 and yet taste mild to the mouth4 ,we have also waters which we ripen in that fashion as they become nourishing1 so that they are1 indeed1 excellent drink1 and many will use no other4 ,breads we have of several grains1 roots1 and kernels1 yea1 and some of flesh and fish dried1 with divers kinds of leavenings and seasonings1 so that some do extremely move appetites2 some do nourish so as divers do live of them without any other meat1 who live very long4 ,so1 for meats1 we have some of them so beaten and made tender and mortified1 yet without all corrupting1 as a weak heat of the stomach will turn them into good chylus1 as well as a strong heat would meat otherwise prepared4 ,we have some meats1 also1 and breads and drinks which1 taken by some1 enable them to fast long after2 and some other that will make the very flesh of men's bodies sensibly more hard and tough1 and their strength far greater than otherwise it would be40 ,in this way could philosophy disport itself1 and not with much attendant profit1 beyond amusement4 ,before ,i conclude this section1 ,i may notice a more graceful fiction touching banquets1 than any thing to be met with among the philosophers4 ,the inhabitants of the coast of ,malabar believe that the double cocoas of the ,moluccas1 annually thrown on their shore by the waves1 and joyfully welcomed by the expecting inhabitants1 are the produce of a palm-tree growing in the fathomless recesses of the ocean2 and that they arise from among coral-groves endowed with supernatural qualities and attributes4 ,for a detailed account of this supposed phnomenon1 and a very pretty illustration of the theory of seeds transported by winds and currents1 ,i refer all curious inquirers to the 8,annals of ,my ,village10 by a ,lady4 ,in the mean time1 ,i venture to put into verse1 the supposed scene which occurs at the annual cocoa-banquet in ,malabar3-- ',neath the waves of ,mincoy grows a magical tree1 ,in the sunless retreat of a dark coral-grove1 ,where slumber young sprites1--the gay elves of a sea ,flinging back the bright blue of its heaven above4 ,there they sip the sweet fruit of that palm-tree1 and leave ,of its best and its ripest for maidens who stray1 ,and laugh away time with their lovers at eve1 ,and sing to those elves of the deep by the way4 6 to see them at sunset1 when down by the shore ,of their own ,malabar in gay clusters they stand1 ,like spirits of light shedding softness all o'er ,the broad sea1 and its tribute of fruit1 from the land6 ,there troops of young girls1 in their light-hearted mirth1 ,are laughing at youths who1 reclined on the earth1 ,drink the white wine of ,kishna2--while some are at play1 ,flinging glances and handsfull of roses1 in showers1 ,that their lovers can't tell1 as they bend 'neath the fray1 ,which are falling the fastest1--the glances1 or flowers4 ,and then on the sands where these young people meet1 ,what hushing of songs and suppressing of glee1 ,as the waves bring in gently1 and waft to their feet1 ,the ripe fruit of the palm that lives under the sea6 ,there1 while1 half in earnest1 fair ,malabar's daughters1 ,half play1 dip their white1 sandal'd feet in the waters1 ,to catch the ripe cocoas1 and run back again1 ,as the wave washes over their small anklet bells1 ,there are some1 youths and maidens1 who1 link'd in a chain1 ,like pearls strung1 and mix'd1 here and there1 with sea-shells1 ,dash into the flood for the fruit of the palm1 ,which they strive for1 and1 winning1 bring joyously out2 ,then lean on their lovers1 all panting and warm ,with laughter and splashing the waters about4 ,o1 who would not like to pass summer away ,amid scenes such as this8 ,o1 who would not love ,with ,malabar's daughters1 at twilight1 to play1 ,and taste the ripe fruit of that dark coral-grove8 ,the ,malabar palm was not the only tree of its kind that used to afford holidays and banquetings to the people of the ,east1 that is1 according to the poets4 ,the ,talipot palm of ,ceylon1 or1 as the natives somewhat unmusically call it1 8lanka dwipa10 was1 in the olden time of pleasant fiction1 one of this gifted species4 ,but the banquet it afforded was not of annual occurrence2 for the tree never flowers till it is fifty years old1 and dies immediately after producing its fruit4 ,the ,kings of ,candy used to bestow the rich gift of some of its blossoms on the favoured fair one whose head rested on the bosom of the ,sovereign at the feast1 and who lifted the bowl to his painted lips4 ,it was1 however highly esteemed1 not such a present as ,demetrius ,poliorcetes made to ,lamia1 after that accomplished courtezan had erected at ,sicyon a portico so superb1 that ,polemo wrote a book to describe it2 and poem and portico became the table-talk of all ,greece4 ,the gift of ,demetrius was a magnificent purse1 containing two hundred and fifty talents1 which1 by the way1 he had compelled the reluctant ,athenians to contribute2 and this he sent to ,lamia1 saying1 that it was merely 8for soap40 ,the extravagant lady spent it all in one single1 but consuming1 feast6 ,how pleasantly1 by contrast1 shines that other courtezan1 ,lena1 whose wit made guests forget that the feast was frugal2 and to whom the ,athenians erected a bronze lioness1 without a tongue1 in honour of the lady who heroically had bitten out her own1 that torture might not make her betray the accomplices of her protector ,harmodius1 in the murder of her tyrant ,hipparchus6---- ,we have not found much of the refinement we looked for in these remote periods and banquets4 ,let us see what may be discovered in the ,table ,traits of ,england in ,early ,times4 ,,table ,,traits ,,of ,,england ,,in ,,early ,,times4 ,when ,diodorus ,siculus wrote an account of the aboriginal inhabitants of ,britain1 some fifty years before the ,christian era1 he described the island as being thickly inhabited1 ruled by many ,kings and ,princes1 and all living peaceably together1--though with war-chariots and strong arms1 to settle quarrels when they occurred4 ,but if our ancestors lived peaceably among themselves1 they can hardly be said to have lived comfortably4 ,their habitations were of reed1 or of wood2 and they gathered in the harvest by cutting off the ears of corn4 ,these ears they garnered in subterranean repositories1 wherefrom they daily culled the ripest grain2 and1 rudely dressing the same1 had thence their sustenance4 ,diodorus says that our primitive sires were far removed from the cunning and wickedness of the rest of the world2 and other writers contrast them favourably with the ,irish1 who are said to have fed on human flesh1 to have had enormous appetites for such food1 and to have been given to the nasty habit of devouring their deceased fathers2 but it is not uncommon for others1 as well as for ,irish sons1 to devour1 at least1 their parents' substance1 even at the present day4 ,the food of an ,irish child was certainly illustrative of character1--we should rather say that the solemnity of offering the first food to a child was characteristic4 ,caius ,julius ,solinus1 a writer of the first century1 says1 that 8when a ,hibernian mother gives birth to a male child1 she puts its first food on the point of her husband's sword1 and lightly inserts this foretaste of meat into the mouth of the infant1 on its very tip2 and1 by family vows1 desires that it may never die but under arms40 ,in other words1 the relations wished that the little stranger might never be in want of a row1 when disposed to distinguish the family name6 ,in the days of ,julius ,csar1 our stalwart sires supported their thews and sinews on milk and flesh1--the diet of a pugilist4 ,we see how much progress was made by the time of ,constantine1--the ,constantine that was crowned in ,britain1--8when10 says a contemporary writer1 8the harvests sufficed alike for the gifts of ,ceres and ,bacchus1 and the pastures were covered with innumerable multitudes of tame flocks1 distended with milk1 or laden with fleeces40 ,i very much fear1 however1 notwithstanding the rather poetical accounts of certain early writers1 that our aboriginal ancestry were very little superior to the ,new ,zealanders4 ,they were1 perhaps1 more uncivilized1 and quite as ignorant2 and their abstinence from the flesh of hares and poultry1 and1 in the northern parts of the island1 from fish1 bespeaks a race who lacked1 at once1 industry and knowledge4 ,indeed1 it is by no means certain1 that we do not wrong the ,new ,zealanders by suggesting their possible inferiority to the ,britons1 seeing that the latter are very strongly suspected of being guilty of the most revolting cannibalism4 ,they were clever enough to brew mead and ale2 but wine and civilization were brought to them by their enemies1 the ,romans1--invaders whom1 for some reasons1 they might have welcomed with a sentiment akin to the line in ,branger3-- 8,vivent nos amis6 nos amis1 les ennemis60 ,they ate but twice a day4 ,the last meal was the more important one4 ,their seats were skins1 or bundles of hay1 flung on the ground4 ,the table was a low stool1 around which ,british ,chiefs sat1 and1 even in the locality occupied by modern ,belgravia1 tore their food with teeth and nails1 or hacked at it with a wretched knife1 as bad as any thing of the sort now in common use in ,gaul4 ,in short1 they committed a thousand solecisms1 the very idea of which is sufficient to make the ,sybarites of ,belgravia very much ashamed of their descent from the savages of ,britain4 ,it was characteristic of the sort of civilization which the ,anglo-,saxons brought with them to ,england1 that they introduced the rather vulgar custom of taking four meals a day4 ,the custom was1 however1 one solemnly observed by the high-feeding nobility of the ,saxons4 ,they ate good solid joints of flesh-meat1 boiled1 baked1 or broiled4 ,it would seem1 that1 in those days1 cooks were not of such an illustrious guild as that which they subsequently formed4 ,a cook among the ,anglo-,saxons was little more accounted of than the calf he cut up into collops4 ,the cook1 in fact1 was a slave2 and was as unceremoniously bequeathed by his owner1 in the latter's last will and testament1 as though the culinary artist had been a mere kitchen utensil4 ,at ,saxon tables1 both sexes sat together1--a custom refined in itself1 refining in its effects1 and of such importance1 that half-a-dozen nations claim the honour of being the inventors of that excellent custom4 ,in ,europe1 ,turkey alone has obstinately refused to follow this civilizing example2 and ,turkey is falling to pieces4 ,it may1 therefore1 be logically proved1 that where table rights are not conceded to the ladies1 nations slowly perish2 and--8serve them right40 ,it is a mark of ,anglo-,saxon delicacy1 that table-cloths were features at ,anglo-,saxon feasts2 but1 as the long ends were used in place of napkins1 the delicacy would be of a somewhat dirty hue1 if the cloth were made to serve at a second feast4 ,there was a rude sort of display upon the board2 but the order of service was of a quality that would strike the 8,jeameses0 of the age of ,victoria with inexpressible disgust4 ,the meat was never 8dished10 and 8covers0 were as yet unknown4 ,the attendants brought the viands into the dining hall on the spits1 knelt to each guest1 presented the spit to his consideration2 and1 the guest having helped himself1 the attendant went through the same ceremony with the next guest4 ,hard drinking followed upon these same ceremonies2 and even the monasteries were not exempt from the sins of gluttony and drunkenness4 ,notwithstanding these bad habits1 the ,anglo-,saxons were a cleanly people4 ,the warm bath was in general use4 ,water1 for hands and feet1 was brought to every stranger on entering a house wherein he was about to tarry and feed2 and1 it is said that one of the severest penances of the ,church was the temporary denial of the bath1 and of cutting the hair and nails4 ,with the ,normans came greater grandeur and increased discomfort4 ,they neither knew nor tolerated the use of table-cloths or plain steel forks2 but their bill of fare showed more variety and costliness than the ,saxons cared for4 ,their cookery was such an improvement on that of their predecessors in the island1 that ,norman ,french1 and ,norman dishes1 flung the ,saxon tongue and table into the annihilating position of 8vulgarity40 ,the art was so much esteemed1 that ,monarchs even granted estates1 on condition that the holder thereof should1 through his cook1 prepare a certain dish at stated periods1 and set it before the ,king4 ,it was under the ,normans that the boar's head had regal honours paid it2 and its progress from the kitchen to the banquet was under escort of a guard1 and behind the deafening salutes of puffy-cheeked trumpeters4 ,the crane was then what the goose is now1--highly esteemed2 yet labouring under the shadow of a suspicion of being 8common40 ,the peacock1 on the other hand1 was only seen1 tail and all1 at the tables of the wealthy4 ,their beverage was of a very bilious character1--spicy and cordialed2 namely1 hippocras1 piment1 morat1 and mead4 ,the drink of the humbler classes partook of a more choleraic quality4 ,it consisted of cider1 perry1 and ale4 ,the ,norman maxim for good living and plenty of it1 was to 8rise at five1 dine at nine1 sup at five1 and bed at nine1 if you'd live to a hundred all but one40 ,dinner at nine is1 however1 a contradiction of terms2 for dinner1 as ,i have said1 is the abbreviation of dixime heure1 or 8ten o'clock10 the time at which all people sat down to a solid repast in the days of the first ,williams4 ,in the two following centuries1 cooks and ,kings launched into far greater magnificence than had ever1 hitherto1 been seen in ,england4 ,richard ,,ii4 entertained ten thousand guests daily at his numerous tables2 and the exceedingly fast ,earl of ,leicester1 grandson of the equally slow ,henry ,,iii41 is said to have spent twenty-two thousand pounds of silver in one year1 in eating1 alone4 ,his thirsty household retainers drank no less than three hundred and seventy-one pipes of wine1 in the same space of time4 ,at great banquets1 the dishes were reckoned by thousands1 and ,kings in vain dictated decrees denouncing such dinners2 for cooks and convives considered them with contempt4 ,as a show of moderation1 the old four meals a day were now reduced to two2 but these two were connected by such a savoury chain of intermeats and refections1 that the board was spread all day long1 and guests were never weary3-- 8,their life like the life of the ,germans would be1 ,du lit la table2 de la table au lit40 ,to have things 8brennying like wildfire10 was the characteristic of the cookery of the period4 ,confectionery of the richest sorts were the lighter materials of meals1 which were abundantly irrigated by hippocras1 piment1 or claret1 or the simpler and purer wines of ,france1 ,spain1 ,syria1 and ,greece4 ,thus might a host say3-- 8,ye shall have rumney and malespine1 ,both ypocrasse and vernage wine2 ,mountrasse and wyne of ,greke1 ,both algrade and despice eke1 ,antioche and bastarde1 ,pyment also and garnarde1 ,wyne of ,greke and muscadell1 ,both clary1 pyment1 and ,rochelle40 ,ricobaldi of ,ferrara1 writing1 about the year #acjj1 of the ,italian social condition in the age of ,frederick ,,ii41 illustrates the former rudeness of the ,italian manners1 by showing that in those days 8a man and his wife ate off the same plate4 ,there were no wooden-handled knives1 nor more than one or two drinking-cups in a house4 ,candles of wax or tallow were unknown2 a servant held a torch during supper4 ,the clothes of men were of leather unlined2 scarcely any gold or silver was seen on their dress4 ,the common people ate flesh but three times a week1 and kept their cold meat for supper4 ,many did not drink wine in summer4 ,a small stock of corn seemed riches4 ,the portions of women were small2 their dress1 even after marriage1 was simple4 ,the pride of men was to be well provided with arms and horses2 that of the nobility to have lofty towers1 of which all the cities in ,italy were full4 ,but now1 frugality has been changed for sumptuousness2 every thing exquisite is sought after in dress1--gold1 silver1 pearls1 silks1 and rich furs40 ,the ,household-,book of the ,earl of ,northumberland admirably illustrates the interior and table life of the greater nobles of the period of ,henry ,,vii4 ,in this well-known and well-kept record1 the family is described as consisting of one hundred and sixty-six persons1 masters and servants2 and hospitable reckoning is allowed for more than half a hundred strangers who are expected daily to partake of the ,earl's good cheer4 ,the cost for each individual1 for board and fuel1 is settled at twopence halfpenny daily1 about one and sixpence of our present money1 if we take into account the relative value of money1 and the relative prices of provisions4 ,the ,earl allots for his annual expenditure #aagh4 #ags4 #h;d4 ,more than two-thirds of this is consumed in meat1 drink1 and firing2 namely1 #gig4 #aas4 #b;d4 ,the book carefully states the number of pieces which the carver is to cut out of each quarter of beef1 mutton1 veal1 pork1 nay1 even stockfish and salmon2 and supervising clerks were appointed to see that this was carried into effect1 and to make due entry of the same in their registers4 ,an absent servant's share is to be accounted for1 and not to be divided among the rest4 ,the absentee1 if he be on 8my ,lord's0 business1 received #h;d4 per day1 board wages1 in winter1 and #e;d4 in summer2 with #b;d4 additional daily for the keep of a horse4 ,a little more than a quarter of wheat1 estimated at #es4 #h;d4 per quarter1 is allowed for every month throughout the year2 with this1 #bej quarters of malt1 at #ds41 7two hogsheads to the quarter17 and producing about a bottle and a third of intermediate beer to each person1 does not say much for the liberality of the ,lord1 though it may for the temperance of his retainers4 ,one hundred and nine fat beeves are to be bought at ,all-,hallow's ,tide1 at #acs4 #d;d4 each2 a couple of dozen of lean kine1 at #hs41 are to be bought at ,st4 ,helen's1 to be fattened for service between ,midsummer and ,michaelmas4 ,all the rest of the year1 nine weary months1 the family was on salted provisions1 to aid the digestion of which1 the ,earl1 so chary of his liquor1 allows the profuse aid of one hundred and sixty-six gallons of mustard4 #fdg sheep at #as4 #h;d41 to be eaten salted between ,lammas and ,michaelmas2 #be hogs at #bs41 #bh calves at #as4 #h;d41 #dj lambs at #aj;d4 or #as41--are other articles which seem to have been reserved rather for the upper table than for the servants1 whose chief fare was salted beef1 without vegetables1 but with mustard discretion6 ,there was great scarcity of linen1 and the little there was1 except that for the chapel1 not often washed4 ,no mention is made of sheets2 and though 8my ,lord's0 table had eight 8table-cloths0 for the year1 that of the ,knights had but one1 and probably went uncovered while the cloth was 8at the wash40 ,if the ale was limited1 the wine appears to have been more liberally dispensed2 and ten tuns and two hogsheads of ,gascony wine1 at #d4 #acs4 #d;d4 per tun1 show the bent of the ,earl's taste4 ,ninety-one dozens of candles for the year1 and no fires after ,lady-,day1 except half-fires in the great room and the nursery2 twenty-four fires1 with a peck of coals daily for each1 7for the offices17 and eighty chaldrons of coals1 at #ds4 #aj;d41 with sixty-four loads of wood1 at #as4 a load1--are the provisions made for lighting and firing4 ,it must have been cold work to live in the noble ,earl's house in ,yorkshire1 from ,lady-,day till the warm summer came2 which advent is sometimes put off till next year4 ,the family rose at six1 or before2 for ,mass was especially ordered at that hour1 in order to force the household to rise early4 ,the dinner hour was ten ,a4,m42 four ,p4,m4 was the hour for supper2 and at nine the bell rang for bed4 ,i have omitted the breakfast1 which took place at seven1 after ,mass2 when my ,lord and ,lady sat down to a repast of two pieces of salt fish1 and half-a-dozen red herrings1 with four fresh ones1 or a dish of sprats1 and a quart of beer1 and the same measure of wine4 ,this was on meagre days4 ,at other seasons1 half a chine of mutton1 or of boiled beef1 graced the board of the delicate ,earl and ,countess1 who sometimes forgot that they had to dine at ten4 ,capons1 at #b;d4 each1 were only on the ,lord's table1 and plovers1 at a penny1 7at ,christmas17 were deemed too good for any digestion that was not carried on in a 8noble0 stomach4 ,game generally is specified1 but without intimation as to limit of the board4 ,no doubt the fragments were not rejected at the servants' table2 but much certainly went in doles at the gate4 ,my ,lord maintained between twenty and thirty horses for his own use4 ,his mounted servants found their own2 but their keep was at the noble master's cost4 ,of mounted servants1 not less than three dozen attended their ,lord on a journey2 and when this journey was for change of residence from one mansion to another1 the illustrious ,percy carried with him bed and bedding1 household furniture1 pots1 pans1 and kitchen utensils generally4 ,the baggage waggon bore these impedimenta2 and before and behind them went chiefs and serving men1 including in the array eleven ,priests1--two hundred and twenty-three persons in all1--and only two cooks to look after their material happiness6 ,no notice is taken of plate2 but the 8hiring of pewter vessels0 is mentioned2 and with these rough elements did the ,earl construct his imperfect social system1 so far taking care for his soul as well as his body1 inasmuch as that he contributed a groat a year to the shrine of our ,lady of ,walsingham1 and the same magnificent sum to the holy blood at ,hales1 on the express condition of the interest of the ,virgin for the promotion of the future welfare of the ,earl in heaven4 ,such is an outline of a nobleman's household in the good old days of ,henry ,,vii4 ,in the reign of the same ,king1 fish was a scarce article1 and for a singular reason2 namely1 people destroyed them at an unlawful season1 for the purpose of feeding their pigs or manuring the ground4 ,the favourite wine at table was ,malmsey3 it came from ,candy2 and there was a legal restriction against its costing more than four pounds per butt4 ,in this reign our cooks wrought at fires made with wood imported from ,gascony and ,languedoc1 whence also much wine was brought1 but1 by law1 only in ,english bottoms4 ,the richest man of this reign was ,sir ,william ,stanley1 into whose hands fell nearly all the spoil of ,bosworth ,field2 and therewith he maintained a far more princely house and table than his master4 ,in ,pegge's 8,cury0 there is an account of the rolls of provisions1 with their prices1 in the time of ,henry ,,viii42 and we find that1 at the dinner given at the marriage of ,gervase ,clifton and ,mary ,nevile1 the price of three hogsheads of wine 7one white1 one red1 one claret7 was set down at #e4 #es4 ,the dining-rooms--and1 indeed1 these were the common living rooms in the greatest houses--were still uncomfortable places4 ,the walls were of stone1 partially concealed by tapestry hung upon timber hooks1 and taken down whenever the family removed1 7leaving bare the stone walls17 lest the damp should rot it4 ,it was a fashion that had lasted for centuries2 but it began to disappear when mansions ceased to be fortresses4 ,the tapestry1 it may be observed1 was suspended on a wooden frame projecting from the wall1 between which and the hangings there was a passage wide enough to kill a man1 as ,hamlet did ,polonius1 8behind the arras40 ,it was not till the reign of ,charles ,i4 that houses were built with underground rooms2 the pantry1 cellars1 kitchens1 and store-rooms were1 previous to this reign1 all on the ground floor2 and the officials presiding in each took there1 respectively1 their solemn post on great days of state-dinners4 ,there were certain days when the contents of these several offices1 meat and drink1 were bountifully supplied to every applicant4 ,to revert to tapestry3 we see the time of its change1 in the speech of ,falstaff1 who wishes his hostess to sell her tapestry1 and adopt the cheaper painted canvas which came from ,holland4 ,at this time1 and1 indeed1 long after1 our ,english yeomanry and tradesmen were more anxious to invigorate their bodies by a generous diet1 than to dwell in well-furnished houses1 or to find comfort in cleanliness and elegance4 8,these ,english10 said the ,spaniards who came over with ,philip ,,ii41 8have their houses made of sticks and dirt2 but they fare commonly as well as the ,king40 ,previous to the age of ,elizabeth1 even the ,monarch1 well as he might fare1 and gloriously as he shone in pageants1 was but simply lodged4 ,the furniture of the bed-room of ,henry ,,viii4 was of the very simplest2 and the magnificent ,wolsey was content with deal for the material of most of the furniture of his palace4 ,but the community generally was1 from this period1 both boarded and bedded more comfortably and refinedly than before4 ,the hours for meals were eight1 noon1 and six2 but 8after-meats10 and 8after-suppers10 filled up the intervals4 ,it was chiefly at the 8after-supper0 that wine was used4 ,the dinner1 however1 had become the principal meal of the day4 ,it was abundant2 but the jester and harper were no longer tolerated at it1 with their lively sauce of mirth and music4 ,it was the fashion to be sad1 and ceremonious dinners were celebrated in stately silence1 or a dignified sotto voce4 ,each guest took his place according to a properly marshalled order of precedence2 and1 before sitting down to dinner1 they washed with rose-water and perfumes1 like the parochial boards of half a century ago1 who used also to deduct the expenses of both dinners and rose-water from the rates levied for the relief of the poor2 this1 too1 at a time when men who were not parish authorities were being hanged for stealing to the amount of a few shillings4 ,by the reign of ,elizabeth1 napkins had been added to table-cloths4 ,the wealthy ate the manchet1 or fine wheaten bread2 the middle classes were content with a bread of coarser quality called 8chete20 and the ravelled1 brown1 or maslin bread was consumed by those who could afford to procure no better4 ,there was a passion for strong wines at this time4 ,of this1 ,france sent more than half a hundred different sorts1 and thirty-six various kinds were imported from other parts of ,europe4 ,about #cj1jjj tuns were imported yearly1 exclusive of what the nobility imported free of duty4 ,the compound wines were in great request2 and ladies did not disdain to put their lips to distilled liquors1 such as rosa-solis and aqua-vit4 ,ale was brewed stronger than these distillations2 and our ancestors drank thereof to an extent that is terrific only to think of4 ,camden ascribes the prevailing drunkenness to the long wars in the ,netherlands1 previous to which1 we had been held1 8of all the northern nations1 the most commended for sobriety40 ,the barbarous terms formerly used in drinking matches1 are all of ,dutch1 ,german1 or ,danish origin1 and this serves to confirm ,camden's assertion4 ,the statutes passed to correct the evil were disregarded4 ,james ,i4 was particularly desirous to enforce these statutes2 but his chief difficulty lay in the fact1 that he was the first to infringe them4 ,in ,elizabeth's reign the 8watching candles0 of ,alfred 7to mark the time7 were in use in many houses4 ,this is a curious trait of in-door life4 ,we have an 8exterior0 one1 in the fact that the ,vicar of ,hurly1 who served ,maidenhead1 had an addition of stipend on account of the danger he ran1 in crossing the thicket1 when he passed to or from the church--and his inn4 ,it was not a delicate period1 and if caraways always appeared at dessert1 every one knew that they were there for the kind purpose of curing expected flatulence in the guests4 ,in ,james the ,first's reign1 the fashion of ,malmsey had passed away1 and the ,hungarian red wine 7,ofener7 had taken its place4 ,it came by ,breslau to ,hamburg1 where it was shipped to ,england4 ,it is a strong wine1 and bears some resemblance to port4 ,in country-houses in the seventeenth century1 the ,knight or ,squire was head of a host of retainers1 three-fourths of whom consumed the substance of the master on whose estate they were born1 without rendering him much other service than drinking his ale1 eating his beef1 and wearing his livery4 ,brief family prayers1 and heavy family breakfasts1 a run with the hounds1 and an early dinner1 followed by long and heavy drinking1 till supper-time1 when more feeding and imbibing went on until each man finished his posset1 or carried it with him to bed1--such was the ordinary course3 but it admitted of exceptions where the master was a man of intellect1 and then the country-house was a temple of hospitality rather than of riot2 and good sense and ripe wit took the place of the sensuality1 obscurity1 and ignorance that distinguished the boards where the ,squire was simply a 8brute40 ,of the table traits of this century1 the best examples are to be found in ,pepys and ,evelyn4 ,in the ,diary of the former1 may be seen what a jolly tavern life could be led by a grave official1 and no scandal given4 ,evelyn takes us into better company4 ,we find him at the ,spanish ,ambassador's1 when his ,excellency1 by way of dessert1 endeavoured to convert him to the ,roman ,catholic ,church4 ,we go with him to the feast where the ,envoy from the ,emperor of ,morocco figured as so civilized a gentleman1 while the representative of the ,czar of ,muscovy comported himself like a rude clown2 and we dine with him at ,lady ,sunderland's1 where the noble hostess had engaged1 for the amusement of the guests1 a man who swallowed stones1 and who not only performed the feat in presence of the company1 but convinced them there was no cheat1 by making the stones rattle in his stomach4 ,but1 nous avons chang tout cela1 and not only changed in taste1 but improved in manners4 ,pepys gives a curious account of a ,lord ,mayor's dinner in #affc4 ,it was served in the ,guildhall1 at one o'clock in the day4 ,a bill of fare was placed with every salt-cellar1 and at the end of each table was a list of 8the persons proper0 there to be seated4 ,here is a mixture of abundance and barbarism4 8,many were the tables1 but none in the hall1 but the ,mayor's and the ,lords' of the ,privy ,council1 that had napkins or knives1 which was very strange4 ,i sat at the merchant-strangers' table1 where ten good dishes to a mess1 with plenty of wine of all sorts2 but it was very unpleasing that we had no napkins1 nor change of trenchers1 and drank out of earthen pitchers and wooden dishes4 ,the dinner1 it seems1 is made by the ,mayor and two ,sheriffs for the time being1 and the whole is reckoned to come to #gjj or #hjj at most40 ,pepys took his spoon and fork with him1 as was the custom of those days with guests invited to great entertainments4 8,forks0 came in with ,tom ,coryat1 in the reign of ,james ,i42 but they were not 8familiar0 till after the ,restoration4 ,the 8laying of napkins10 as it was called1 was a profession of itself4 ,pepys mentions1 the day before one of his dinner-parties1 that he went home1 and 8there found one laying of my napkins against to-morrow1 in figures of all sorts1 which is mighty pretty1 and1 it seems1 is his trade1 and he gets much money by it40 ,the age of ,pepys1 we may further notice1 was the great 8supping age40 ,pepys himself supped heartily on venison pasty2 but his occasional 8next morning0 remark was like that of ,scrub3 8,my head aches consumedly60 ,the dashing ,duchess of ,cleveland supped off such substantials as roast chine of beef2 much more solid fare than that of the ,squires in a succeeding reign1 who were content1 with ,sir ,roger de ,coverley1 to wind up the day with 8good ,cheshire cheese1 best mustard1 a golden pippin1 and a pipe of ,john ,sly's best40 ,a few years earlier1 ,laud had leisure to write anxiously to ,strafford on the subject of ,ulster eels4 8,your ,ulster eels are the fattest and fairest that ever ,i saw1 and it's a thousand pities there should be any error in their salting1 or any thing else about them2 for how the carriage should hurt them ,i do not see1 considering that other salted eels are brought as far1 and retain their goodness2 but the dried fish was exceeding good40 ,there was a good deal of error in the preserving of other things besides eels1 if ,laud had only known as much4 ,it may be mentioned as something of a 8,table ,trait10 illustrating the popular appetite in the reign of ,charles ,,ii41 that he sent sea stores to the people encamped in ,moorfields2 but they were so well provisioned by the liberality of the nation1 that they turned up their noses at the ,king's biscuits1 and sent them back1 8not having been used to the same40 ,there was some ungrateful impertinence in this2 but there was less meanness in it than was shown by the great ladies of ,queen ,anne's reign1 who were curious in old china1 and who indulged their passion by 8swopping0 their old clothes for fragile cups and saucers1 instead of giving the former to the poor4 ,dryden speaks1 in the ,preface to his 8,love ,triumphant10 of a remarkable trait of the time of ,william ,,iii4 8,it is the usual practice10 he says1 8of our decayed gentry1 to look about them for some illustrious family1 and then endeavour to fix their young darling1 where he may be both well educated and supported40 ,shaftesbury reveals to us an illustration of ,george the ,first's reign4 8,in latter days10 he says1 8it has become the fashion to eat with less ceremony and method4 ,every one chooses to carve for himself4 ,the learned manner of dissection is out of request2 and a certain method of cookery has been introduced1 by which the anatomical science of the table is entirely set aside4 ,ragots and fricasses are the reigning dishes1 in which every thing is so dismembered1 and thrown out of all order and form1 that no part of the mess can properly be divided or distinguished from another40 ,but we have come to a period that demands a chapter to itself2 and even with that implied space1 we can hardly do justice to the ,table ,traits of the ,last ,century4 ,,table ,,traits ,,of ,,the ,,last ,,century4 ,when ,mr4 ,chute intimated to ,horace ,walpole that his 8temperance diet and milk0 had rendered him stupid1 ,walpole protested pleasantly against such an idea4 8,i have such lamentable proofs10 he says1 8every day1 of the stupifying qualities of beef1 ale1 and wine1 that ,i have contracted a most religious veneration for your spiritual nouriture4 ,only imagine that ,i here1 7,houghton17 every day1 see men who are mountains of roast beef1 and only seem just roughly hewn out into the outlines of human form1 like the giant rock at ,pratolino6 ,i shudder when ,i see them brandish their knives1 in act to carve1 and look on them as savages that devour one another4 ,i should not stare at all more than ,i do1 if yonder ,alderman1 at the end of the table1 was to stick his fork into his jolly neighbour's cheek1 and cut a brave slice of brown and fat4 ,why1 ,i'll swear ,i see no difference between a country gentleman and a sirloin3 whenever the first laughs1 or the latter is cut1 there run out just the same streams of gravy6 ,indeed1 the sirloin does not ask quite so many questions4 ,i have an aunt here1 a family piece of goods1 an old remnant of inquisitive hospitality and economy1 who1 to all intents and purposes1 is as beefy as her neighbours40 ,certainly1 ,i think it may be considered that1 in diet and in principles1 we have improved upon the fashion of one hundred and ten years ago2--and1 perhaps1 the improvement in principles is a consequence of that in diet4 ,there was a profound meaning in the point of faith of some old religionists1 that the stomach was the seat of the soul4 ,however this may be1 the 8beefy0 men of ,walpole's time had1 occasionally1 strange ideas touching honour4 ,old ,nourse1 for instance1 challenged ,lord ,windsor1 who refused to fight him1 either with sword or pistols1 on the plea that ,nourse was too aged a man4 ,thereupon ,nourse1 in a fit of vexation and indigestion1 went home from the coffee-house and cut his throat6 8,it was strange1 yet very ,english10 says ,walpole4 ,old ,nourse must have had ,japanese blood in him4 ,at ,jeddo1 when a nobleman feels himself slighted1 he walks home1 takes the sharpest knife he can find1 and rips himself open1 from the umbilicus to the trachea6 ,quite as certainly1 strong diet and weak principles prevailed among our great-grandsires and their dames4 ,lady ,townshend fell in love with the rebel ,lord ,kilmarnock1 from merely seeing him at his trial4 ,she forthwith cast off her old lover1 ,sir ,harry ,nisbett1 and became 8as yellow as a jonquil0 for the new object of her versatile affection4 ,she even took a ,french master1 in order that she might forget the language of 8the bloody ,english60 ,she was not so afflicted1 but that she could bear the company of gay ,george ,selwyn to dine with her2 and he1 believing that her passion was feigned1 joked with her1 on what was always a favourite topic with himself1--the approaching execution4 ,lady ,townshend forthwith rushed from the table in rage and tears1 and ,mr4 ,selwyn finished the bottle with 8,mrs4 ,dorcas1 her woman10 who begged of him to help her to a sight of the execution6 ,mrs4 ,dorcas had a friend who had promised to protect her1 and1 added she1 8,i can lie in the ,tower the night before60 ,this is a pretty dining-room interior of the last century4 ,as for ,george ,selwyn1 that most celebrated of the diners-out of a hundred years ago1 he said the pleasantest thing possible at dessert1 after the execution of ,lord ,lovat4 ,some ladies asked him how he could be such a barbarian as to see the head cut off4 8,nay10 said he1 8if that was such a crime1 ,i am sure ,i have made amends2 for ,i went to see it sewed on again60 8,george10 says ,walpole1 8never thinks but la tte tranche2 he came to town t'other day to have a tooth drawn1 and told the man that he would drop his handkerchief for the signal40 ,selwyn kept his powers bright by keeping good company2 while ,gray the poet was but indifferent society1 from living reclusely1 added to a natural turn for melancholy1 and 8a little too much dignity40 ,young1 a greater poet than ,gray1 was as brilliant in conversation as ,selwyn himself1 as long as1 like ,selwyn1 he polished his wit by contact with the world4 ,when he dined with ,garrick1 ,quin1 and ,george ,anne ,bellamy1 he was the sprightliest of the four2 but when he took to realizing the solitude he had epically praised1 ,young1 too1 became a proser4 ,quin loved good living as much as he did sparkling conversation2 and ,garrick1 the other guest noticed above1 has perfectly delineated ,quin the epicure in the following epigram1 as he subsequently did ,quin1 the man and brother of men1 in his epitaph in ,bath ,abbey3-- 8,a plague on ,egypt's art6 ,i say2 ,embalm the dead1 on senseless clay ,rich wines and spices waste6 ,like sturgeon1 or like brawn1 shall ,i1 ,bound in a precious pickle1 lie1 ,which ,i shall never taste8 8,let me embalm this flesh of mine ,with turtle fat and ,bordeaux wine1 ,and spoil th' ,egyptian trade4 ,than ,humphrey's ,duke more happy ,i2 ,embalm'd alive1 old ,quin shall die1 ,a mummy1 ready-made40 ,a good many female mummies were prepared during the last century after a similar receipt4 ,witness ,walpole's neighbour at ,strawberry ,hill1 8an attorney's wife1 and much given to the bottle4 ,by the time she has finished that and daylight1 she grows afraid of thieves1 and makes her servants fire minute-guns out of the garret windows4 ,the divine ,asheton10 he proceeds1 8will give you an account of the astonishment we were in last night at hearing guns4 ,i began to think that the ,duke 7of ,cumberland7 had brought some of his defeats from ,flanders40 ,young denounces1 in his 8,satires10 both tea and wine1 as abused by the fair sex of the last century4 ,in ,memmia he paints ,lady ,betty ,germain1 in the lines ,i have quoted under the head of 8,tea20 and then1 hurling his shafts of satire at that which another poet has described as 8cups which cheer1 but not inebriate10 he adds1-- 8,tea6 how ,i tremble at thy fatal stream6 ,as ,lethe1 dreadful to the love of fame4 ,what devastations on thy banks are seen6 ,what shades of mighty names which once have been6 ,a hecatomb of characters supplies ,thy painted altar's daily sacrifice4 ,hervey1 ,pearce1 ,blount1 aspersed by thee1 decay1 ,as grains of finest sugars melt away1 ,and recommend thee more to mortal taste3 ,scandal's the sweetener of a female feast40 ,and then1 adverting to the ladies who1 like ,walpole's 8attorney's wife10 were much given to the bottle1 the poet exclaims1-- 8,but this inhuman triumph shall decline1 ,and thy revolting ,naiads call for wine2 ,spirits no longer shall serve under thee1 ,but reign in thy own cup1 exploded ,tea6 ,citronia's nose declares thy ruin nigh2 ,and who dares give ,citronia's nose the lie8 ,the ladies long at men of drink exclaim'd1 ,and what impair'd both health and virtue blamed4 ,at length1 to rescue man1 the generous lass ,stole from her consort the pernicious glass4 ,as glorious as the ,british ,queen renown'd1 ,who suck'd the poison from her husband's wound40 ,manners and morals generally go hand in hand2 but those of the ladies satirized by ,young were not so bad as those of the ,french ,princesses of a few years before1 when they and ,duchesses were so addicted to drinking1 that no one thought it a vice1 since royalty and aristocracy practised it4 ,the ,dauphine of ,burgundy is indeed praised by her biographers as not drinking to any great excess during the three last years of her life4 ,but this was exceptional4 ,the ,duchess of ,bourbon and her daughters drank like dragoons2 but the latter were unruly in their cups1 whereas the old lady carried her liquor discreetly4 ,henrietta1 ,madame de ,montespan1 and the ,princess di ,monaco1 were all addicted1 more or less1 to tippling4 ,the ,duchess de ,bourbon and ,her ,grace of ,chartres added smoking to their other boon qualities2 and the ,dauphin once surprised them with pipes which had been cullots for them by common soldiers of the ,swiss ,guard6 ,in ,france1 devotion even was made a means towards drunkenness4 ,bungener tells us1 in his 8,trois ,sermons sous ,louis ,,xv410 that ,monsieur ,basquiat de la ,house owned a small estate in ,gascony1 which produced a wine which no one would buy4 ,being at ,rome1 as ,secretary of an ,embassy1 he procured a body from the catacombs1 which he christened by the name of a saint venerated in his part of the country4 ,the people received it with great pomp4 ,a fte was appointed by the ,pope1 a fair by the ,government1 and the wine was sold by hogsheads6 ,it was a wine as thin as the beverage which ,mr4 ,chute lived on when he had the gout1 at which time1 says ,walpole1 8he keeps himself very low1 and lives upon very thin ink40 ,there was a good deal of latitude of observation and conversation at the dinner-tables of the last century2 and the letter-writer ,i have just cited affords us ample evidence of the fact4 ,john ,stanhope1 of the ,admiralty1 he informs us1 8was sitting by an old ,mr4 ,curzon1 a nasty wretch1 and very covetous2 his nose wanted blowing1 and continued to want it2 at last ,mr4 ,stanhope1 with the greatest good breeding1 said1 #8,indeed1 ,sir1 if you don't wipe your nose1 you will lose that drop4'0 ,a hundred years ago1 ,walpole remarked that ,methodism1 drinking1 and gambling were all on the increase4 ,of the first he sneeringly says1 8,it increases as fast as any religious nonsense did40 ,of the second he remarks1 8,drinking is at the highest wine-mark20 and he speaks of the third as being so violent1 that 8at the last ,newmarket meeting1 in the rapidity of both gaming and drinking1 a bank bill was thrown down1 and1 nobody immediately claiming it1 they agreed to give it to a man who was standing by60 ,there was a love of good eating1 as well as of deep drinking1 even among the upper classes of the last century4 ,what a picture of a ,duchess is that of her ,grace of ,queensberry1 posting down to ,parson's ,green1 to tell ,lady ,sophia ,thomas 8something of importance20 namely1 8,take a couple of beefsteaks1 clap them together as if they were for a dumpling1 and eat them with pepper and salt3 it is the best thing you ever tasted6 ,i could not help coming to tell you this20--and then she drove back to town4 ,and what a picture of a ,magistrate is that of ,fielding1 seated at supper with a blind man1 a ,drury-,lane ,chloris1 and three ,irishmen1 all eating cold mutton and ham from one dish1 on a very dirty cloth1 and 8his worship0 refusing to rise to attend to the administration of ,justices' justice6 ,it is but fair1 however1 to ,fielding to add1 that he might have had better fare had he been more oppressive touching fees4 ,and1 besides1 great dignitaries set him but an indifferent example4 ,gray1 speaking of the ,duke of ,newcastle's installation at ,oxford1 remarks1 that 8every one was very gay and very busy in the morning1 and very owlish and very tipsy at night4 ,i make no exceptions1 from the ,chancellor to ,blewcoat40 ,lord ,pembroke1 truly1 was temperate enough to live upon vegetables2 but the diet did not improve either his temper or his morals4 ,ladies--and they were not over delicate a century ago--as much dreaded sitting near him at dinner1 as their daughters and grand-daughters dreaded to be near the late ,duke of ,cumberland1 who was pretty sure to say something in the course of dinner expressly to embarrass them4 ,the vegetarian ,lord ,pomfret was so blasphemous at tennis1 that the ,primate of ,ireland1 ,dr4 ,george ,stone1 was compelled to leave off playing with him4 ,for ,primates handled the rackets then1 as ,pope and ,cardinals do now the cue4 ,pio ,nono and the expertest of the ,sacred ,college play la poule at billiards1 after dinner1 with the view of keeping down the good ,pontiff's obesity4 ,this is almost as curious a trait as that of ,taafe1 the ,irishman1 who1 conceiving himself to have been insulted at a dinner1 and not being then able1 as a ,roman ,catholic1 to wear a sword1 changed his religion1 and ran his adversary through the body4 ,the confusion of ideas which prompted a man to follow a particular faith1 in order that he might commit murder1 was something like that which influenced the poor woman who1 suddenly becoming pious1 after hearing a sermon from ,rowland ,hill1 went to a book-stall1 and stole a ,bible4 ,i have noticed the love of good eating1 and the coarseness connected with it4 ,there was also a coarse economy attendant on it4 ,the ,duchess of ,devonshire would call out to the ,duke1 when both were presiding at supper after one of their assemblies1 8,good ,god1 ,duke6 don't cut the ham2 nobody will eat any20 and then she would relate the circumstances of her private mnage to her neighbour3 8,when there's only my ,lord and ,i1 besides a pudding1 we have always a dish of roast10--no very dainty fare for a ducal pair4 ,indeed1 there was much want of daintiness1 and of dignity1 too1 in many of those with whom both might have been looked for as a possession4 ,lord ,coventry chased his ,lady round the dinner-table1 and scrubbed the paint off her cheeks with a napkin4 ,the ,duke and ,duchess of ,hamilton were more contemptible in their pomposity than their ,graces of ,devonshire were in their plainness4 ,at their own house they walked in to dinner before their company1 sat together at the upper end of their own table1 ate together off one plate1 and drank to nobody beneath the rank of ,earl4 ,it was1 indeed1 a wonder that they could get any one of any rank to dine with them at all4 ,but1 in point of dinners1 people are not 8nice0 even now4 ,dukes very recently dined with a railway potentate1 in hopes of profiting by the condescension2 and ,duchesses heard1 without a smile1 that potentate's lady superbly dismiss them with an 8au reservoir60--an expression1 by the way1 which is refined1 when compared with that taught by our nobility1 a hundred years ago1 to the rich ,bohemian ,countess ,chamfelt2 namely1 8,d--n you60 and1 8,kiss me60 but it was apologetically said of her1 that she never used the former but upon the miscarriage of the latter4 ,this was at a time when vast assemblies were followed by vast suppers1 vast suppers by vast drinking1 and when nymphs and swains reached home at dawn with wigs1 like ,ranger's in the comedy1 vastly battered1 and not very fit to be seen4 ,pope1 in the last century1 moralized1 with effect1 on the deaths of the dissolute ,buckingham and the avaricious ,cutler2 and the avarice of ,sir ,john was perhaps more detestable than any extravagance that is satirized by ,pope1 or witticized by ,walpole4 ,but ,sir ,john ,cutler was ingenious in his thrift4 ,this rich miser ordinarily travelled on horseback and alone1 in order to avoid expense4 ,on reaching his inn at night1 he feigned indisposition1 as an excuse for not taking supper4 ,he would simply order the hostler to bring a little straw to his room1 to put in his boots4 ,he then had his bed warmed1 and got into it1 but only to get out of it again as soon as the servant had left the room4 ,then1 with the straw in his boots and the candle at his bed-side1 he kindled a little fire1 at which he toasted a herring which he drew from his pocket4 ,this1 with a bit of bread which he carried with him1 and a little water from the jug1 enabled the lord of countless thousands to sup at a very moderate cost4 ,well1 this sordidness was less culpable perhaps than slightly overstepping income by giving assemblies and suppers4 ,at the latter there was1 at least1 wit1 and as much of it as was ever to be found at ,madame du ,deffand's1 where1 by the way1 the people did not sup4 8,last night1 at my ,lady ,hervey's10 says ,walpole1 8,mrs4 ,dives was expressing great panic about the ,french10 who were said to be preparing to invade ,england4 8,my ,lady ,rochford1 looking down on her fan1 said1 with great softness1 #8,i don't know2 ,i don't think the ,french are a sort of people that women need be afraid of4'0 ,this was more commendable wit than that of ,madame du ,deffand herself1 who1 as ,i have previously remarked1 made a whole assembly laugh1 at ,madame de ,marchais'1 when her old lover was known to be dying1 by saying as she entered1 8,he is gone2 and wasn't it lucky8 ,he died at six1 or ,i could not possibly have shown myself here to-night40 ,our vain lady-wits1 however1 too often lacked refinement4 8,if ,i drink any more10 said ,lady ,coventry at ,lord ,hertford's table1 8if ,i drink any more1 ,i shall be #8muckibus4'0 8,lord60 said ,lady ,mary ,coke1 8what is that80 8,o10 was the reply1 8it is ,irish for sentimental60 ,in those days there were no wedding breakfasts3 the nuptial banquet was a dinner1 and bride and bridegroom saw it out4 ,walpole congratulates himself that1 at the marriage of his niece ,maria1 8there was neither form nor indecency1 both which generally meet on such occasions4 ,they were married10 he adds1 8at my brother's in ,pall ,mall1 just before dinner1 by ,mr4 ,keppel2 the company1 my brother1 his son1 ,mrs4 ,keppel and ,charlotte1 ,lady ,elizabeth ,keppel1 ,lady ,betty ,waldegrave1 and ,i4 ,we dined there2 the ,earl and new ,countess got into their post-chaise at eight o'clock1 and went to ,navestock alone1 where they stay till ,saturday night40 ,walpole gives instances enough--and more than enough--where matters did not go off so becomingly4 ,lords and ,ladies were terribly coarse in sentiment and expression2 and the women were often worse than the men4 8,miss ,pett10 says the writer whom ,i have so often quoted1 8has dismissed ,lord ,buckingham3 tant mieux pour lui6 ,she damns her eyes that she will marry some ,captain3 tant mieux pour elle40 ,this is a sample of ,table ,traits in #agfj2 and it was long before manners and morals improved4 ,the example was not of the best sort even in high places4 ,the mistress of ,alfieri dined at ,court1 as widow of the ,pretender2 and ,madame du ,barry was publicly feasted by our potential ,lord ,mayor4 ,some of the women were not only coarse in speech1 but furies in act1 and often sharpers to boot4 ,thus1 when 8,jemmy ,lumley10 in #agfa1 had a party of ladies at his house1 with whom1 after dinner1 he played whist1 from six at night till noon the next day1 he lost two thousand pounds1 which1 suspecting knavery1 he refused to pay4 ,his antagonist1 ,mrs4 ,mackenzie1 subsequently pounced upon him in the garden of an inn at ,hampstead1 where he was about to give a dinner to some other ladies4 ,the sturdy 8,scotchwoman10 as ,gray calls her1 demanded her money1 and1 on meeting with a refusal1 she 8horsewhipped1 trampled1 bruised10 and served him with worse indignities still1 as may be seen by the curious1 in ,gray's ,letter to ,warton4 ,lumley's servants only with difficulty rescued their master from the fury1 who carried a horse-whip beneath her hoop4 ,the gentlemen do not appear to have been so generous1 in their character of lovers1 as their ,french brethren1 who ruined themselves for 8les beaux yeux0 of some temporary idol4 ,miss ,ford laughed consumedly at ,lord ,jersey1 for sending her 78an odd first and only present to a beloved mistress07 a boar's head1 which1 she says1 8,i had often the honour to meet at your ,lordship's table before 444 and would have eat it1 had it been eatable40 ,the public are pretty familiar with the ,household-,book of the ,earl of ,northumberland2 and have learned much therefrom touching the ,table ,traits of the early period in which it was written4 ,a later ,earl did not inherit the spirit of organization which influenced his ancestor4 8,i was to dine at ,northumberland ,house10 says ,walpole1 in #agfe1 8and went there a little after hour4 ,there ,i found the ,countess1 ,lady ,betty ,mackinsy1 ,lady ,strafford1 my ,lady ,finlater1--who was never out of ,scotland before1--a tall lad of fifteen1 her son1 ,lord ,drogheda1 and ,mr4 ,worseley4 ,at five0 7which is conjectured to have been the hour of extreme fashion a century ago7 8arrived ,mr4 ,mitchell1 who said the ,lords had commenced to read the ,poor ,bill1 which would take1 at least1 two hours1 and1 perhaps1 would debate it afterwards4 ,we concluded dinner would be called for2 it not being very precedented for ladies to wait for gentlemen4 ,no such thing6 ,six o'clock came1--seven o'clock came1--our coaches came6 ,well1 we sent them away2 and excuses were1 we were engaged4 ,still1 the ,countess's heart did not relent1 nor uttered a syllable of apology4 ,we wore out the wind and the weather1 the opera and the play1 ,mrs4 ,cornely's and ,almack's1 and every topic that would do in a formal circle4 ,we hinted1 represented--in vain4 ,the clock struck eight4 ,my ,lady1 at last1 said she would go and order dinner2 but it was a good half-hour before it appeared4 ,we then sat down to a table of fourteen covers2 but1 instead of substantials1 there was nothing but a profusion of plates1 striped red1 green1 and yellow1--gilt plate1 blacks1 and uniforms4 ,my ,lady ,finlater1 who never saw those embroidered dinners1 nor dined after three1 was famished4 ,the first course stayed as long as possible1 in hopes of the ,lords2 so did the second4 ,the dessert at last arrived1 and the middle dish was actually set on1 when ,lord ,finlater and ,mr4 ,mackay arrived6 ,would you believe it8--the dessert was remanded1 and the whole first course brought back again6 ,stay--,i have not done6 ,just as this second first course had done its duty1 ,lord ,northumberland1 ,lord ,strafford1 and ,mackinsy came in2 and the whole began a third time4 ,then the second course1 and the dessert6 ,i thought we should have dropped from our chairs with fatigue and fumes4 ,when the clock struck eleven1 we were asked to return to the drawing-room1 and take tea and coffee2 but ,i said ,i was engaged to supper1 and came home to bed60 ,this dinner may be contrasted with another given1 at a later period1 by a member of the same house4 ,the ,nobleman in question was an ,earl ,percy1 who was in ,ireland with his regiment1--the ,fifth ,infantry2 and who1 after much consideration1 consented to give a dinner to the officers in garrison at ,limerick4 ,the gallant1 but cautious1 ,earl ordered the repast at a tavern1 specifying that it should be for fifty persons1 at eighteen-pence per head4 ,the officers heard of the arrangement1 and they ordered the landlord to provide a banquet at a guinea per head1 promising to pay the difference1 in the event of their entertainer declining to do so4 ,when the banquet was served1 there was but one astonished and uncomfortable individual at the board2 and that was the ,earl himself1 who beheld a feast for the gods1 and heard himself gratefully complimented upon the excellence both of viands and wines4 ,the astonished ,earl experienced an easily-understood difficulty in returning thanks when his health was drunk with an enthusiasm that bewildered him2 and1 on retiring early1 he sought out the landlord1 in order to have a solution of an enigma that sorely puzzled him4 ,boniface told the unadorned and unwelcome truth2 and the inexperienced young ,earl1 acknowledging his mistake1 discharged the bill with a sigh on himself1 and a cheque on his banker4 ,a host1 after all1 may appear parsimonious without intending to be so4 8,this wine10 said one of this sort to the late ,mr4 ,pocock of ,bristol1 who had been dining with him1 8costs me six shillings a bottle60 8,does it80 asked the guest1 with a quaint look of gay reproof1 8then pass it round1 and let me have another six-penn'orth60 ,but1 to return to our ,table ,traits of the ,last ,century4 ,in #agec1 on the #dth of ,june1 there was an installation of ,knights of the ,garter1 at ,windsor ,castle1 followed by a grand dinner1 and a ball4 ,it would seem as if the public claimed the right of seeing the spectacle for which they had to pay2 for we read that 8the populace attempted several times to force their way into the hall where the ,knights were at dinner1 against the ,guards1 on which some were cut and wounded1 and the ,guards fired several times on them1 with powder1 to deter them1 but without effect1 till they had orders to load with ball1 which made them desist40 ,this is an ill-worded paragraph from the papers of the day2 but it is a graphic illustration of the manners of the period4 ,these few samples of what society was in the last century1 would suffice alone to show that it was sadly out of joint4 ,what caused it8 ,any one who will take the trouble to go carefully through the columns of the ill-printed newspapers of the early part of the last century1 will find that drunkenness1 dissoluteness1 and the sword hanging on every fool's thigh1 ready to do his bidding1 were the characteristics of the period4 ,people got drunk at dinners1 and then slew one another1 or in some other way broke the law4 ,lord ,mohun and ,captain ,hall dined together before they made their attempt to carry off ,mrs4 ,bracegirdle2 and when defeated in their ,tarquin-like endeavour1 they slaughtered poor ,will ,montford1 the player1 in the public streets1 for no better reason than that ,montford admired the lady1 and ,hall was jealous of the admirer4 ,but neither copious dining1 nor copious drinking1 could make a brave man of ,mohun4 ,in proof of this1 it is only necessary to state that before he fought his butchering duel with the ,duke of ,hamilton1 he spent the previous night feasting and drinking at the ,bagnio1 which place he left in the morning1 with his second1 ,major-,general ,m',carty1 as the 8,post-boy0 remarks1 8seized with fear and trembling40 8,the dog ,mohun10 as ,swift styled him1 was slain1 and so was the ,duke2 but it is uncertain whether the latter fell by the hand of his adversary1 or the sword of that adversary's second4 ,a few years later we read of ,fulwood1 the lawyer1 going to the play after dinner1 drawing upon ,beau ,fielding1 running him through1 rushing in triumph to another house1 meeting another antagonist1 and getting slain by him1 without any one caring to interfere4 ,in one of the numbers of the 8,daily ,post0 for #agbf1 ,i find it recorded that a bevy of gallants1 having joyously dined or supped together1 descended from a hackney-coach in ,piccadilly1 bilked the coachman1 beat him to a mummy1 and stabbed his horses4 ,flushed with victory1 they rushed into a neighbouring public-house1 drew upon the gallants1 terrified the ladies1 and laughed at the mistress of the establishment1 who declared that they would bring down ruin upon a place noted for 8its safety and secrecy40 ,the succeeding paragraph in the paper announces to the public that the ,bishop of ,london will preach on the following ,sunday in ,bow-church1 ,cheapside1 on the necessity for a reformation of manners6 ,the ,clubs1 and especially the 8,sword ,clubs10 with their feastings and fightings1 were the chief causes that manners were as depraved as they were4 ,after supper1 these ,clubs took possession of the town1 and held their sword against every man1 and found every man's sword against them4 ,the 8,bold ,bucks10 and the 8,hell-,fires10 divided the ,metropolis between them4 ,the latter1 a comparatively innocent association1 found their simple amusement in mutilating watchmen and citizens4 ,the 8,bold ,bucks0 took for their devilish device1 8,blind and ,bold ,love10 and1 under it1 committed atrocities1 the very thought of which makes the heart of human nature palpitate with horror and disgust4 ,no man could become a member who did not denounce the claims both of nature and ,god6 ,they used to assemble every ,sunday at a tavern1 close to the church of ,st4 ,mary-le-,strand4 ,during divine service1 they kept a noisy band of horns and drums continually at work2 and1 after service1 they sat down to dinner1 the principal dish at which was a 8,holy-,ghost pie60 ,assuredly the sermon of the metropolitan ,prelate was much needed2 but1 when preached1 reformation did but very slowly follow1 especially in high places4 ,at the very end of the century we hear of the ,prince of ,wales dining at the ,duke of ,queensberry's1 at ,richmond1 with the last mistress of ,louis ,,xv42 and nobody appears to have been scandalized4 ,and this was the characteristic of the time3 vice was not only general1 but it did not very seriously offend the few exceptional individuals4 ,for the first three quarters of the century the epitaph of that time might have been taken from the eulogium passed by a ,may-,fair preacher in his ,funeral ,sermon upon ,frederick1 ,prince of ,wales3 8,he had no great parts1 but he had great virtues2 indeed1 they degenerated into vices3 he was very generous2 but ,i hear his generosity has ruined a great many people2 and then his condescension was such1 that he kept very bad company40 ,i have1 elsewhere1 spoken of some of the roystering ,clubs of the last century2 but ,i cannot refrain from adding two other instances here1 as examples of the ,table ,traits of the same period4 ,the ,calves'-,head ,club established itself in ,suffolk-,street1 ,charing ,cross1 on the anniversary of the martyrdom of ,king ,charles1 in the year #agce4 ,the gentlemen members had an entertainment of calves' heads1 some of which they showed to the mob outside1 whom they treated with strong beer4 ,in the evening1 they caused a bonfire to be made before the door1 and threw into it1 with loud huzzas1 a calf's head1 dressed up in a napkin4 ,they also dipped their napkins in red wine1 and waved them from the windows1 at the same time drinking toasts publicly4 ,the mob huzzaed1 as well as their fellow brutes of the ,club2 but1 at length1 to show their superior refinement1 they broke the windows2 and at length became so mischievous1 that the ,guards were called in to prevent further outrage4 ,the above was1 no doubt1 a demonstration on the part of gentlemen of republican principles4 ,some few years later1 a different instance occurs4 ,the 8,monthly ,review10 ,may1 #ageg1 mentions1 that 8seven gentlemen dined at a house of public entertainment in ,london1 and were supposed to have run as great lengths in luxury and expense1 if not greater1 than the same number of persons were ever known to do before at a private regale4 ,they afterwards played a game of cards1 to decide which of them should pay the bill4 ,it amounted to #ha4 #aas4 #f;d42 besides a turtle1 which was a present to the company40 ,this was certainly a heavy bill4 ,a party of the same number at the ,clarendon1 and with turtle charged in the bill1 would1 in our days1 find exceeding difficulty in spending more than #e each4 ,their grandsires expended more than twice as much for a dinner not half as good4 ,it is only with the present century that old customs disappeared2 and1 with regard to some of them1 society is all the better for their disappearance4 ,even plum-porridge did not survive the first year of this half century2 when the more solid and stable dynasty of plum-pudding was finally established4 ,brand relates1 that on ,christmas-,day1 #ahja1 he dined at the ,chaplain's table1 at ,st4 ,james's1 8and partook of the first thing served and eaten on that festival1 at that table1 namely1 a tureen full of rich1 luscious plum-porridge4 ,i do not know10 he says1 8that the custom is anywhere else retained40 ,the great innovation1 after this1 was in the days of the ,regent1 when oysters were served as a prelude to dinner4 ,this fashion was adopted by the ,prince on the recommendation of a gentleman of his household1 the elder ,mr4 ,watier1 who brought it with him from ,france1 and added an 8experto crede0 to his recommendation4 ,this fashion1 however1 like others1 has passed away2 and oysters and drams1 as overtures to dinner1 are things that have fallen into the domain of history4 ,there is a custom of these later days1 much observed at ,christmas time1 which deserves a word of notice4 ,i allude to the 8,christmas-tree40 ,the custom is one1 however novel in ,england1 of very ancient observance elsewhere4 ,its birth-place is ,egypt4 ,the tree there used was the palm2 and the ceremony was in full force long before the days of ,antony and ,cleopatra4 ,the palm puts forth a fresh shoot every month4 ,its periodical leaves appear as regularly as those of ,mr4 ,bentley's 8,miscellany40 ,in the time of the winter solstice1 when parties were given in ancient ,misraim1 a spray of this tree1 with twelve shoots1 was suspended1 to symbolize the completion of another year4 ,the custom passed into ,italy1 where the fir-tree was employed for the purposes of celebration2 and its pyramidal tips were decorated with burning candles1 in honour of ,saturn4 ,this festival1 the ,saturnalia1 was observed at the winter solstice1 from the #agth to the #bast of ,december1 and1 during its continuance1 ,davus was as good a man as ,chremes4 ,the ,sigillaria1 days for interchanging presents of figures in wax1 like those on the ,christmas-tree1 followed2 and1 finally1 the ,juvenalia1 when men became 8boys with boys10 matrons turned children once again1 and young and old indulged in the solemn romps with which the festival closed1 and which used to mark our own old-fashioned festivities at ,christmas time4 ,that the ,egyptian tree passed into ,germany1 may be seen in the pyramids which sometimes there are substituted for the tree4 ,but the antique northern mythology has supplied some of the observances4 ,the ,juel ,fesi was the mid-winter 8,wheel ,feast20 and the wheel represented the circling years which end but to begin again4 ,the yule-log1 as we call it1 was the wheel-shaped log2 in front of which was roasted the great boar1--an animal hateful to the god of the sun1 but the flesh of which was religiously eaten by his worshippers4 ,at this festival presents were made1 which were concealed in wrappers1 and flung in at open windows1 emblematical1 we are told1 of the good1 but as yet hidden1 things which the opening year had in store4 ,the ,church generally made selection of the heathen festivals for its own holy-days4 ,in the early days1 this was done chiefly to enable ,christians to be merry without danger to themselves4 ,it would not have been safe for them to eat1 drink1 and rejoice on days when ,pagan ,governments put on mourning4 ,they were glad1 then1 when these were glad1 and feasted with them1 but holding other celebrations in view4 ,hence the ,german tree2 only1 for the sun which crowned the ,roman tree1 in honour of ,apollo1 the ,germans place a figure of the ,son of ,god2 and1 for the ,phbus and his flocks at the foot1 they substitute 8the ,good ,shepherd40 ,the waxen figures are also the sigillaria1 but with more holy impress4 ,the ,saturnalia have a place in the table joys that attend the exhibition of the tree1 in presence of which joy is supposed to wither4 ,in conclusion1 ,i cannot but notice one other table custom1 which is of ,teutonic origin4 ,i allude to the ,cabinet dinners given by ,ministers previous to the opening of ,parliament1 and at which the ,royal ,speech is read1 before it is declared in the presence of collective wisdom4 ,this1 at all events1 reminds us of the ancient ,german custom1 mentioned by ,tacitus1 who tells us1 that the ,teutonic legislators and warriors consulted twice touching every question of importance3 once1 by night1 and over the bowl2 and once1 by day1 when they were perfectly sober4 ,of course1 ,i would not insinuate that ,ministers could possibly indulge too fondly over their cups1 like the ,senators of the ,hercynian forest2 and yet ,viscount ,sidmouth's vice1 as ,lord ,holland tells us1 8was wine20 and we have heard even of grave ,lord-,stewards so drunk as to pull down the ,monarchs they held by the hand1 and should have supported4 ,the last unfortunate official who so offended1 should have craftily qualified his wine with water2 and the mention of that subject reminds me of the origin of wine and water1 of which ,i will say a few words1 after adding one or two more traits of table manners4 ,i have spoken1 in another page1 of the unlucky exclamation touching haddock1 which caused the perpetual exile of ,poodle ,byng from ,belvoir4 ,there was1 however1 no offence meant4 ,how different was the case with that impudent coxcomb1 ,brummell1 who managed to be the copper-,captain of fashion in ,london1 when the true ,captains were fighting their country's battles6 ,when ,brummell was living almost on the charity of ,mr4 ,marshall1 he was one of a dinner party at that gentleman's house1 whither he took with him1 according to his most impertinent custom1 one of his favourite dogs4 ,the 8,beau0 had1 during dinner1 helped himself to the wing of a roasted capon stuffed with truffles4 ,he chose to fancy that the wing was tough1 and1 delicately seizing the end of it with a napkin-covered finger and thumb1 he passed it under the table to his dog1 with the remark1 8,here1 ,atout6 try if you can get your teeth through this2 for ,i'll be d--d if ,i can40 ,not less ungratefully impudent was this gentleman-beggar on another occasion4 ,a ,french family had given a dinner entirely on his account4 ,it was perfect in its way4 ,the ortolans came from ,toulouse1 the salmon was from the waters in the neighbourhood of ,rouen1 and the company most select4 ,a friend1 encountering him next day1 asked how the dinner had gone off4 ,brummell lifted up his hands1 shook his head in a deprecatory manner1 and said1 8,don't ask me1 my good fellow2 but1 poor man6 he did his best40 ,the two most recent examples of ,table ,traits of the present century1 that ,i have met with1 illustrate the two extremes of society2 and as they refer to a period of not above a month ago1 they will serve1 not inaptly1 to close this section of my series4 ,the first example is that afforded by a dinner given at ,boston1 in ,lincolnshire1 to twenty aged labourers4 ,at this dinner1 one of the gentlemen donors of the feast1 gave 8the ,ladies10 and called on the octogenarian ,chairman to return thanks4 ,the old ,president1 however1 shook his head1 with a mixed melancholy and cunning air1 as if he too well knew there was nothing to return thanks for4 ,the venerable 8,vice0 was then appealed to2 but his reply was1 that the least said about the subject of the toast would be the soonest mended4 ,at length1 a sprightly old man of threescore and ten was requested to respond1 he having a gay look about him which seemed warranting gallantry2 but he surprised the toast-giver by answering1 that 8as for t'leddies1 he'd nowt to say2 for his part1 he'd never liked 'em40 ,this unchivalrous sentiment awoke1 at last1 the spirit of a strip of a lad who was only sixty-five2 and he responded to the toast1 with a touch of satire1 however1 in his remarks1 that left it uncertain whether he were so much a champion of the fair sex1 as the company had expected to find in him4 ,the second 8,trait0 of the customs of this country is presented by the dinner given in ,february of the present year1 by ,earl ,granville1 the guests at which were ,lord ,aberdeen1 the ,bishop of ,oxford1 and ,mr4 ,bright4 ,there were not such startling contrasts at the reconciliation dinner which brought ,wilkes and ,johnson together1 as at ,earl ,granville's unique banquet4 ,the host and the ,premier represented--the first1 smiling courtesy2 the second1 the most frigid severity of a freezing civility4 ,but the strongest contrast was in the persons of the ,bishop and the 8,friend30--,dr4 ,wilberforce1 highest of ,churchmen1 briefest of ,preachers1 and twice as much curled as the son of ,clinias himself2 while ,mr4 ,bright1 with every hair as if a plummet depended at the end of it1 hating the ,church1 but not indifferent to petits pts la braise1 must have looked like the vinegar of voluntaryism that would not mingle with the oil of orthodoxy4 ,to have made this banquet complete1 there should have been two more guests1--,dr4 ,cumming and ,dr4 ,cahill1 with appropriate dishes before each3--a plate of sweetbreads in front of the gentle apostle of the ,kirk2 and a bowl of blood-puddings opposite the surpliced ,priest who has gained a gloomy notoriety by the 8glorious idea10 to which ,i have referred1 of a massacre of ,english heretic beef-eaters1 by the light-dieted holders of ,catholic and continental bayonets4 ,but ,dr4 ,cahill1 it may be hoped1 is something insane1 or would he have deliberately recorded1 as he did the other day in the 8,tablet10 that it were much better for ,romanists to read immoral works than the ,english ,bible8 ,his excellent reason is1 that 8the ,church0 easily forgives immorality1 but has no mercy for heresy4 ,well1 well2 we should not like to catch a ,confessor of this school sitting next our daughter at dinner1 and intimating that ,holywell-street literature was better reading than the ,english version of the ,sermon on the ,mount4--,but let us sweeten our imagination with a little ,wine and ,water4 ,,wine ,,and ,,water4 ,early ages1 and the oldest poets1 confessed1 that wine was the gift of the gods to men4 ,the latter would appear to have abused the gift1 if we may believe ,philonides the physician1 who wrote a treatise 8,on ,perfumes and ,garlands0 7 74 ,in this treatise he asserts1 that1 when ,bacchus brought the vine from the ,red ,sea into ,greece1 men drank to such excess1 that they became as beasts1 and incapable of performing manly duties4 ,a party of these revellers were once drinking by the sea-shore1 when a sudden storm drove them into a cave for shelter4 ,they do not seem1 however1 to have been inveterate tipplers2 for1 according to ,philonides1 they left their cups on the beach4 ,when the shower had passed1 they found the wine in them mingled with rain water2 and1 very much to their credit1 they liked the mixture so well1 that they solemnly thanked the 8good genius0 who had sent it4 ,hence1 when wine was served at ,grecian repasts1 the guests invoked this good genius2 and when the turn came for wine mixed with water1 they acknowledged the benevolent inventor by the name of ,jupiter ,saviour4 ,i may take this opportunity to state1 that1 at one period1 it was the fashion to attend these drinking entertainments in a pair of 8,alcibiades10 or boots which had been rendered popular by being first worn by the curled son of ,clinias4 ,thus we see1 that in our fashion of conferring on boots the authorities of great names1 we are doing nothing original2 and that men used to call for their 8,alcibiades10 as they do now for their 8,wellingtons10 8,bluchers10 or 8,alberts40 ,to revert1 for a moment1 to the question of wine and water1 ,i would state1 that it has been discussed in its separate divisions by ,german writers1 the substance of whose opinions ,i will venture to give in verse1 without desiring1 however1 to be considered as endorsing every sentiment in full4 ,as ,french music-books say1 it is an 8,air faire40 ,do you ask what now glows ,in this goblet of mine8 ,wine6 wine6 wine6 wine6 ,to the stream1 do ye ask1 ,shall my cup-bearer go8 ,no6 no6 no6 no6 ,let water its own frigid nature retain2 ,since water it is1 let it water remain6 ,let it ripple and run in meandering rills1 ,and set the wheels going in brook-sided mills4 ,in the desert1 where streams do but scantily run1 ,if so much they're allow'd by the thirsty old sun1 ,there water may be1 as it's quaff'd by each man1 ,productive of fun to a whole caravan4 ,but ask what now glows1 c4 ,yes1 water1 and welcome1 in billows may rise1 ,till it shiver its feathery crest 'gainst the skies2 ,or in dashing cascades it may joyously leap1 ,or in silvery lakes lie entranced and asleep2-- ,or1 e'en better still1 in full showers of hope1 ,let it gaily descend on some rich vineyard's slope1 ,that its sides may bear clusters of ripening bliss1 ,which1 in ,autumn1 shall melt into nectar like this1 ,like this that now glows1 c4 ,let it bear up the vessel that bringeth us o'er ,its freight of glad wine from some happier shore4 ,let it run through each land that in ignorance lies3 ,it the ,heathen will do very well to baptize4 ,yes1 water shall have ev'ry due praise of mine1 ,whether salt1 like the ocean1 or fresh1 like the ,rhine4 ,yes1 praised to the echo pure water shall be1 ,but wine1 wine alone is the nectar for me6 ,for 'tis that which now glows ,in this goblet of mine4 ,wine6 wine6 wine6 wine6 ,no attendant for me ,to the river need go4 ,no6 no6 no6 no6 ,the various merits and uses of the respective liquids are fairly allowed in the above lines2 but ,i may observe1 that wine apologists1 generally1 are sadly apt to forget1 that there are such things as conscience and to-morrow morning4 ,for their edification and use1 ,i indite the following colloquy1 to be kept in mind1 rather than sung1 at all festivities where the 8,aqua ,pumpaginis0 is held in abhorrence3-- ,see the wine in the bowl1 ,how it sparkles to-night6 ,tell us what can compete ,with that red sea of light2 ,which breathes forth a perfume ,that deadens all sorrow1 ,and leaves us bless'd now1 7,conscience loquitur17 8,with a headache to-morrow60 ,where are spirits like those ,that we find in the bowl1 ,shedding joy round our brows1 ,breathing peace to the soul8 ,our tongues feel the magic1 ,there our strains1 too1 we borrow3 ,we're ,apollos to-night1 7,conscience loquitur17 8,to be songless to-morrow60 ,o1 this rare inspiration6 ,how gay are the dreams ,of the thrice triple blest ,who may quaff of thy streams6 ,it expels from the heart ,sulky care1 that old horror1 ,and tells laughter to-night 7,conscience1 ashamed of the rhyme7 8,to wake sadness to-morrow60 ,drink deep1 though there be ,thirstless fools1 who may preach ,of the sins of the bowl1-- ,do they act as they teach8 ,if we're sinners1 what then6 ,as we're not friends to sorrow1 ,we'll be glad ones to-night1 7,conscience loquitur17 8,to be sad ones to-morrow60 ,ah6 that was old ,conscience3 ,him we'll drown in the wine6 ,plunge him in6 hold him down6 ,ah6 he dies6--now the ,nine ,may1 to write in his praise1 ,from our ,helicon borrow4 ,he's done talking to-night2 7,conscience1 from the bowl17 8,you shall hear me to-morrow60 ,finally1 being on ,pegasus1 and he ambling along through this chapter of ,wine and ,water1 ,i will take the opportunity1 as connected with my subject1 of doing justice to a flower whose 8capability10 as ,mr4 ,browne used very properly to say1 has been overlooked1--,i mean the tulip3-- ,praise they who will the saucy vine1 ,with her thousand rings and her curls so fine6 ,but ,i fill up ,to the tulip-cup1 ,all looking as though it were bathed in wine4 ,ah1 show me the flower1 ,in vale or bower1 ,that looks half so well as this bowl of mine6 ,o1 who this night will fail to fill up1 ,or to sing in praise of the tulip-cup8 ,praise they who will the willow-tree1 ,with her drooping neck and her tresses free1 ,that bend to the brink ,of the brook1 and drink ,of a liquid that never will do for me6 ,while the tulip-cup ,is for ever held up1 ,as though she could drink for eternity4 ,and that is the very best bowl for me1 ,who hate the sickly willow-tree6 ,the water-lily praise who will3 ,of water we know that she loves her fill4 ,but what1 pray1 is she ,to the tulip1 that we ,have loved for so long1 and love so well still8 ,ah6 who doth not think her ,a mere water-drinker1 ,that quaffs but such wine she can get from the rill8 ,then fill up to-night to the tulip tall1 ,who holds forth her cups1 and can drain them all6 ,see how naturally we drop out of the subject of 8,wine and ,water10 into that of 8,wine10 to which we now1 reverently1 yet joyously1 address ourselves4 ,,the ,,birth ,,of ,,the ,,vine1 ,,and ,,what ,,has ,,come ,,of ,,it4 ,the birth of the vine was in this wise4 ,on the day of the creation1 the trees vied with each other in boasting2 and each exulted in the enjoyment of his own existence4 8,the ,lord himself10 said the lofty cedar1 8planted me1 and in me has he united stability and fragrance1 strength and durability40 8,me10 said the shade-spreading palm1 8hath the beneficence of ,jehovah appointed for a blessing1 joining together in me utility and beauty40 ,then the apple-tree spoke3 8,as a bridegroom among youths1 so am ,i resplendent among the trees of the woods40 8,and ,i10 said the myrtle1 8stand among the lowly bushes1 like a rose among thorns40 ,in this manner boasted they all1 the olive and the fig2 yea1 the pine even1 and the fir exulted4 ,the vine alone1 in silence1 stooped to the ground4 8,it seems10 said she to herself1 8as if every thing were denied me1--stem and branch1 blossom and fruit2 but1 such as ,i am1 ,i will hope and wait40 ,thus speaking1 she sank to the earth1 and her branches wept4 ,but not long did she thus wait and weep2 for1 behold1 cheerful man1 the earthly god1 drew nigh unto her4 ,he saw a weak plant1 the plaything of the breeze1 sinking under its own weight1 and pining for assistance4 ,touched with compassionate feeling1 he upheld it1 and trained the delicate tree over his own bower4 ,more freely now sported the air among its branches4 ,the warmth of the sun penetrated the hard green berries1 preparing therein the delicious juice1--a drink for gods and men4 ,laden with clustering grapes1 the vine now bowed herself before her lord1 and the latter tasted of her refreshing sweets1 and named her his friend1 his own grateful favourite4 ,it was now that the proud trees envied her1 but many of them lived on in sterility1 while she rejoiced1 full of gratitude at her slender growth1 and patient humility2 and therefore it is1 that it is given to her to make glad the heart of sorrowing man1 to elevate the cast-down spirit1 and to cheer the afflicted4 8,despair not10 says ,herder1 who thus tells the old traditionary story of the vine1--8,despair not1 ,o thou that art deserted1 but endure patiently4 ,sweet streams issue from unlikely sources2 and the feeble vine affords the most potent draught in the world40 ,let us1 however1 turn from poetical tradition to prosaic reality4 ,the vine is1 by birth1 a ,persian4 ,its cradle was on the sunny slopes of the hilly regions on the south shores of the ,caspian ,sea4 ,there1 in the ,caucasus1 and in ,cashmere1 the wild vine still climbs and clings to the very necks of the most towering trees4 ,its life-blood in those regions is seldom turned to evil purpose4 ,in ,caubul it is taken less in potions than in powder4 ,the ,caubulese dry and grind it to dust1 and eat thereof1 finding it a pleasant acid4 ,this is half matter of taste and half matter of medicine1 just as over-wearied digestions in ,germany drive their wretched owners into vineyards1 to abstain from meat1 and live1 for a while1 upon raisins4 ,indeed1 the vine was never meant entirely for enjoyment4 ,it is one of the most perfect of chymists2 and if it offers grapes in clusters1 its twigs afford carbonate of potash1 serviceable for many purposes1 and1 among others1 for correcting the acidity brought on by too free indulgence in the fruit1 or in its expressed liquid4 ,in the olden days1 when the ,patriarchs worshipped ,heaven in the 8cathedral of immensity10 ,palestine was renowned for the glory of its grapes4 ,there were none other to compare with them upon earth4 ,when the desert-treaders were waiting the return of their emissaries1 whom they had sent from ,kadesh-,barnea to spy the ,promised ,land1 their thirsty impatience was exchanged for delight at beholding their agents re-appear1 bearing between them1 upon poles1 gigantic clusters1--the near fountains whence their dried up souls might draw new life and vigour4 ,the grapes of ,palestine are still remarkable for their great size4 ,clusters are spoken of1 each of which exceeds a stone in weight2 and vines are mentioned1 whose stems measured a foot and a half in diameter1 and whose height reached to thirty feet2 while their branches afforded a tabernacle of shade1 to the extent of thirty feet square4 ,but it could not have been from such a vine that the men from ,kadesh-,barnea collected the grapes which they could scarcely carry4 ,the ,welbeck grapes which the ,duke of ,portland sent to the ,marquess of ,rockingham1 were of ,syrian origin2 and these--on a single bunch1 weighing nineteen pounds1 and measuring three-and-twenty inches long1 with a maximum diameter of nearly twenty inches--were borne upon a pole a distance of twenty miles1 by four labourers2 two to carry1 and two to relieve4 ,so that the conveying grapes in this fashion may have been more on account of their delicacy than of their weight4 ,the ,hampton ,court vine1 too1 produces clusters of great weight1 and covers a space of not less than #b1bjj feet4 ,the vine has been figuratively employed as an emblem of fruitfulness1 of security1 and peace2 and no doubt can exist of its having been cultivated at a very early period4 ,noah planted the vine immediately after the ,deluge2 and1 from the first thing planted1 sin came again into the world1 bringing with it widely-extending consequences4 ,bread and wine are mentioned in ,genesis4 ,pharaoh's chief butler dreamed of a vine with three branches2 and the ,israelites 7in ,numbers7 complained that ,moses and ,aaron had brought them out of ,egypt into a dry and barren land1 where there were neither figs nor vines4 ,so1 in after-years1 the companions of ,columbus sailed tremblingly with their calm ,captain over trackless seas1 and murmured at him for bringing them from the olives and vines of ,spain1 to the very confines of creation1 where terror reigned1 and death sat enthroned4 ,jacopo di ,bergamo gives a singular account of the reason which induced ,noah to plant the vine4 ,the ,patriarch did so1 he says1 because he saw a goat in ,sicily eat some wild grapes1 and afterwards fight with such courage1 that ,noah inferred there must have been virtue in the fruit4 ,he planted a vine1 therefore1 and--wherefore is not told--manured it with the blood of a lion1 a lamb1 a swine1 and a monkey1 or ape4 ,but this1 perhaps1 only signifies that1 by drinking wine1 men become bold1 confiding or meek1 filthy or obscene4 ,it is stated by ,theodoret1 that ,noah himself1 after pressing the grapes1 became intoxicated through inexperience1 as he had been a water-drinker for six centuries6 ,the sin of ,lot is supposed to have been committed1 not merely under the influences of wine1 but of a maddening and drugged draught4 ,the evil power of wine is well illustrated by the story of the ,monk1 to whom ,satan offered a choice of sins1--incest1 murder1 or drunkenness4 ,the poor ,monk chose the last1 as the least of the three2 and1 when he was drunk1 he committed the other two4 ,commentators pronounce our rendering under the single word 8wine10 the thirteen distinct ,hebrew terms used in the ,bible to distinguish between wines of different sorts1 ages1 and condition1 as a defect of great magnitude2 and no doubt it is so4 ,the knowledge of mixing wines appears to have been extensively applied by the ancient people2 and it is said of the beautiful ,helen1 that she learned in ,egypt the composition of the exhilarating1 or rather1 stupefying1 ingredients which she mixed in the bowl1 together with the wine1 to raise the spirits of such of her guests as were oppressed with grief4 ,i may notice1 too1 here1 that our word shrub1 or syrup1 is an ,eastern word4 ,in ,turkey1 a ,,shirub-,,jee is simply a 8wine-seller40 ,yes1 despite the ,prophet1 the ,turks drink wine more than occasionally1 and under various names4 ,tavernier speaks of a particular preparation of the grape drunk by the ,grand ,seignior1 in company with the ladies of the seraglio2 and a similar beverage1 it is conjectured1 was quaffed by ,belshazzar and his concubines out of the holy vessels1 and was offered in vain to the more scrupulous ,daniel4 ,it was a rich and royal drink1 made strong by the addition of drugs2 and the object of drinking the potent mixture was the same as that which induced ,conrad ,scriblerus and the daughter of ,gaspar ,barthius to live for a whole year on goat's milk and honey4 ,either mixture was better than that of the ,persians1 who 8fortified0 their wines1 or syrup of sweet wines1 by adding to them the very perilous seasoning of nux vomica4 ,but none of these were so curious as the 8wine-cakes0 eaten by ,mr4 ,buckingham3 these were1 ,i suppose1 made of wine preserves4 ,but pure wine may be eaten1 or rather1 be rendered harder than any of our common food4 ,thus we hear of ,russian troops being compelled1 in very hard winters1 to cut out their rations of wine from the cask with a hatchet4 ,i think it is the renowned ,dissenter1 ,toplady1 who remarks1 that the only sarcastic passage in ,scripture is to be found in the cutting speech of ,elisha to the ,priests of ,baal2 8,is not ,baal a god1 seeing that he eateth much meat80 ,there is1 however1 another ironical passage1 in reference to wine4 8,give ,shechar unto him who is ready to perish10 is the satirical speech of ,lemuel's mother1 who warns her royal son against the deceitful influences of intoxicating beverages1 representing them as especially destructive to those who are charged with the government of nations2 and then ironically points to the man who foolishly concludes1 that in the sweet or strong drink he may bury all memory of the cares and anxieties brought upon him by his own profligacy4 ,there is1 however1 a difference of opinion touching the spirit in which the last words quoted from ,scripture are used4 ,the ,rabbins interpret the passage as a command to administer wine to the individual about to suffer death4 ,thus wine mingled with myrrh was offered to ,one of whom the ,gospel records1 that ,he refused what ,his enemies presented4 ,the custom of offering doomed criminals a last earthly draught of refreshment is undoubtedly one of considerable antiquity4 ,the right of offering wine to criminals on their passage to the scaffold was often a privilege granted to religious communities4 ,in ,paris1 the privilege was held by the convent of ,filles-,dieu1 the ,nuns of which kept wine prepared for those who were condemned to suffer on the gibbet of ,montfaucon4 ,the gloomy procession halted before the gate of the monastery1 the criminal descended from the cart1 and the ,nuns1 headed by the ,lady ,abbess1 received him on the steps with as much1 perhaps more heartfelt ceremony than if he had been a ,king4 ,the poor wretch was led to a crucifix near the church door1 the feet whereof he humbly kissed4 ,he then received1 from the hands of the ,superior1 three pieces of bread1 7to remind him of the ,trinity17 and one glass of wine 7emblem of ,unity74 ,the procession then resumed its dread way to the scaffold4 ,elie ,berthet tells us of a poor wretch1 who1 on being offered the usual refreshment1 quietly swallowed the wine1 and coolly put the bread in his pocket4 ,when again in the cart1 his observant ,confessor asked him his reason for the act4 8,i suppose1 ,father10 answered the moribund1 8that the good sisters furnished me with the bread that it may serve me in paradise2 on earth1 at all events1 it can no longer be of use to me40 8,be of good cheer10 said another ,confessor1 who was encouraging a criminal on the ,grve2 8be of good cheer4 ,to-night you will sup in paradise40 8,tenez1 mon ,pre10 answered the poor fellow2 8allez-y-vous ma place2 car1 pour moi1 je n'ai pas faim40 ,this incident has been made good use of by the 8ballad0 writers both of ,england and ,france4 8,bowl-yard10 ,st4 ,giles's-in-the-,fields1 preserves in its name the memory of a similar custom in ,england4 ,this yard1 or alley1 adjacent to the church1 is a portion of the site of the old ,hospital for ,lepers1 the garden of which was a place of execution4 ,lord ,cobham1 under ,henry ,v41 and ,babington and his accomplices1 for conspiring against ,elizabeth1 were executed here4 ,stow tells us that1 8at this hospital1 the prisoners conveyed from the city of ,london toward ,tyburn1 there to be executed for treason1 felonies1 or other trespasses1 were presented with a great bowl of ale1 thereof to drink at their pleasure1 787 as to be their last refreshment in this life40 ,in later days1 the criminals were sometimes supplied by their friends from the public-houses on the line of road4 ,in one case1 a convict happily tarried drinking for a longer space of time than usual4 ,the rope was just round his neck1 when the arrival of a reprieve saved him4 ,had he drunk a glass less1 he would have been hanged a moment sooner2 and society would thus have been deprived of his valuable services4 ,he was a luckier man than the saddler in ,ireland1 who1 on his way to the gibbet1 refused the ale and wine offered him on the road1 who was accordingly very rapidly dispatched1 and for whom a reprieve arrived a minute too late for him to profit by it4 ,hence the proverb1 applied by those who press reluctant people to drink1 8,ah1 now go away wid you4 ,ye're like the obs'inate saddler1 who was hanged for refusing his liquor40 ,it certainly was not a custom with ,irish convicts to decline the 8thrink10 before trial or after4 8,the night before ,larry was stretch'd10 is a slang lyric1 graphically illustrative of the grace with which ,irish criminals took leave of life4 ,the most singular thing1 however1 connected with the popular lay in question1 is1 that it was written by a ,clergyman4 ,but1 at the time of its production1 such authorship excited no surprise in the literary public4 ,the 8cloth0 was still of the quality of that in which ,fielding's ,newgate ,chaplain walked2 and he1 it will be remembered1 was a pious gentleman1 who candidly avowed that he was the rather given to indulge in punch1 as that was a liquor nowhere spoken against in ,scripture6 ,but it was not ,english or ,irish ,chaplains1 of the olden time1 who stood by themselves in their respect for good liquor4 ,if that reverend and rubicund gentleman1 ,walter de ,mapes1 wrote the best ,latin drinking-song that ,bacchanalian inspiration ever produced1 so did a ,german ,prelate preach the best sermon on the same text4 ,i allude to the ,bishop of ,triers1 or ,trves4 ,here is an odour1 caught by the way1 of the full bottle of counsel which he poured out to his hearers3-- 8,brethren1 to whom the high privilege of repentance and penance has been conceded1 you feel the sin of abusing the gifts of ,providence4 ,but1 abusum non tollit usum4 ,it is written1 #8,wine maketh glad the heart of man4' ,it follows1 then1 that to use wine moderately is our duty4 ,now there is1 doubtless1 none of my male hearers who cannot drink his four bottles without affecting his brain4 ,let him1 however1--if by the fifth or sixth bottle he no longer knoweth his own wife1--if he beat and kick his children1 and look on his dearest friend as an enemy1--refrain from an excess displeasing to ,god and man1 and which renders him contemptible in the eyes of his fellows4 ,but whoever1 after drinking his ten or twelve bottles1 retains his senses sufficiently to support his tottering neighbour1 or manage his household affairs1 or execute the commands of his temporal and spiritual superiors1 let him take his share quietly1 and be thankful for his talent4 ,still1 let him be cautious how he exceed this2 for man is weak1 and his powers limited4 ,it is but seldom that our kind ,creator extends to any one the grace to be able to drink safely sixteen bottles1 of which privilege he hath held me1 the meanest of his servants1 worthy4 ,and since no one can say of me that ,i ever broke out in causeless rage1 or failed to recognise my household friends or relations1 or neglected the performance of my spiritual duties1 ,i may1 with thankfulness and a good conscience1 use the gift which hath been intrusted to me4 ,and you1 my pious hearers1 each take modestly your allotted portion2 and1 to avoid all excess1 follow the precept of ,st4 ,peter1--#8,try all1 and stick by the best6'0 ,the sermon is not a bad illustration of what was1 and remains1 historical fact4 ,the first ,archbishop of ,mayence was the ,englishman ,boniface2 and most of his successors might have been characterized by his name4 ,they were more powerful than the ,emperors1 and more stately than ,moguls4 ,the ,canons of the ,cathedral1 supported by its enormous revenues1 lived a jovial life4 ,the ,pope1 indeed1 reproved them for their worldly and luxurious habits2 but they uproariously returned for answer1 8,we have no more wine than is needed for the ,mass2 and not enough to turn our mills with60 ,good living1 as it was erroneously called1 was certainly1 at one time1 an universal observance in ,germany1 when the sole wish of man was1 that he might have short sermons and long puddings4 ,when this wish prevailed1 every dining-room had its faulbett1 or sot's couch1 in one corner1 for the accommodation of the first couple of guests who might chance to be too drunk to be removed4 ,indeed1 in ,german village-inns1 the most drunken guests were1 in former days1 by far the best off2 for1 while they had the beds allotted them1 as standing in most need of the same1 the guests of every degree1 whether rich or poor1 the perfectly sober--wherever such phenomena were to be found--and those not so intoxicated but they could stagger out of the room1 all lodged with the cows among the straw4 ,probably1 no country on the earth presented such scenes1 arising from excessive drinking1 as were witnessed in ,saxony and ,bohemia1 a few generations back4 ,these scenes were so commonly attended by murder1 or followed by death1 that it was said to be better for a man to fall among the thickest of his enemies fighting1 than among his friends when drinking4 ,there were deadly brawls in taverns1 deadly drunken feuds in the family circle1 and not less deadly contentions in the streets4 ,when the city-gates were closed at night1 the crowds of drunkards1 issuing to their homes in the suburbs1 were met by as dense and drunken a crowd1 returning from their revels in the country4 ,and then came the insulting motion1 the provoking word1 the hard blow1 and the harder stab4 ,then fell the wounded and the dead2 then rose the shrieks of women and of children1 and1 loud above them1 the imprecations and blasphemies born in the wine-sodden brains of men4 ,suddenly1 a shot or two is fired from the walls1 right into the heaving mass below4 ,and then ensue the flying of the people1 and the venting of impotent rage from the rash and resolute4 ,but1 gradually1 the two opposing streams glide through each other1 the gates are at length closed2 and1 by the light of the moon1 on the almost deserted esplanade1 may be observed1 stretched on the ground1 some half-dozen human forms4 ,some of these are dead1 some are still drunken and helpless1 and both equally uncared for4 ,this is no overdrawn picture of an ancient ,german period4 ,it is on record that once1 on the banks of the ,bohemian ,sazawa1 a party of husbandmen met for the purpose of drinking twelve casks of wine4 ,there were ten of them who addressed themselves to this feat2 but one of the ten attempting to retire from the contest before any of his fellows1 the remaining nine seized1 bound him1 and roasted him alive on a spit4 ,the murderers were subsequently carried to the palace for judgment2 but the ,duke's funeral was taking place as they entered the hall1 and the ,princes who administered justice were all so intoxicated1 that they looked upon the matter in the light of a joke that might be compensated for by a slight fine4 ,there was a joyous revelry at that time in every direction4 ,a father would not receive a man for a son-in-law who could not drink2 and in ,universities the conferring of a degree was always followed by a carouse1 the length of which was fixed1 by ,college rules1 as not to exceed eight hours' duration4 ,yet1 during this generally dissolute period1 a strange custom was prevalent at the tables of ,nuremberg4 ,in all well-regulated households1 there used to hang a little bell beneath the dining-table2 and this bell was struck by the master of the family1 if he were sober enough1 whenever any one uttered an unseemly phrase4 ,even so1 in public1 a voice of indignation was sometimes raised against the profligacy of the period4 ,the voice to the people at large was as the bell to the guests at ,nuremberg4 ,its effects who can tell8 ,it may have induced ,luther to be content with dignified ,virgil rather than with unclean ,plautus2 it may have driven the ,monk ,schwartz from the refectory to the alembic2 and it may have called ,gutenberg from the brutalities of the camp to the wonders of the printing-press4 ,in the two latter cases1 the consequences bear a very tipsy appearance2 for it was a soldier who invented printing1 and a ,monk who first manufactured gunpowder6 ,let us not hasten to condemn our fellows of the olden time and distant land4 ,manners as fearfully outraging prevailed but very recently among young ,englishmen4 ,m4 de ,warenne1 a ,french officer in our ,indian army1 describes the manners and customs there prevalent as any thing but edifying4 ,in his 8,inde-,anglaise10 he describes himself1 on one occasion1 as being disinclined for study1 and consequently joining a party of his comrades who were at the moment occupied in an unreserved enjoyment of the pleasures of the table4 ,they were from fifteen to twenty in number1 married and single1 but all young1 full of hope1 good prospects1 and gaiety4 ,deep were the libations made by this riotous company1 seated at a festive board in the open air1 looked down upon by a brilliant moon1 and gently fanned by the evening breeze4 8,while the attendant servant10 says the author1 8poured out1 with ,indian profusion1 fresh supplies of tea1 coffee1 beer1 punch1 and grog1 a dense vapour rose from our cigars1 and joyous shouts rang from every lip at the conclusion of songs1 bacchanalian and anacreontic4 ,toasts succeeded each other rapidly1 alternately exciting the laughter or approbation of the carousers4 ,one of them caused in me1 at the time1 a singular impression4 ,a young1 wild-brained fellow1 in pouring out a bumper1 called on us to fill our glasses1 in order to sanction the strange wish of a rash ambition1--#8,a bloody war1 and a sickly season6'0 ,the blasphemous sentiment1 as ,m4 de ,warenne rightly terms it1 was drunk with enthusiasm2 and the gay and thoughtless drinkers had yet the cup to their lips1 when one of them was stricken with the cholera1 the presence of which in camp was hardly known2--the next day the funeral salute was fired over his grave4 ,the author adds1 that the music played on returning from the funeral was joyously and daily hummed by the daily diminishing survivors4 ,he says that there was a mockery in the waltzes they continued to dance2 for death was also daily decreasing their orchestra4 ,the stricken1 we are told1 felt themselves relieved from further anxiety1 recovered their temporarily shaken self-possession1 and died with indifference4 ,the strong who lived are described as1 for the most part1 diverting their thoughts1 outraging decency1 and defying ,god1 by composing or chanting songs whose inspiration certainly savours of hell4 ,here is a specimen of one of these devil's canticles1 roared over wine1 to frighten away the cholera3-- ,i4 8,we meet 'neath the sounding rafter1 ,and the walls around are bare2 ,as they shout back our peals of laughter1 ,it seems as the dead were there4 ,then stand to your glasses6--steady6 ,we drink 'fore our comrades' eyes2 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,,ii4 8,not here are the goblets glowing1 ,not here is the vintage sweet2 ',tis cold1 as our hearts are growing1 ,and dark as the doom we meet4 ,but stand to your glasses6--steady6 ,and soon shall our pulses rise2 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,,iii4 8,there's many a hand that's shaking1 ,and many a cheek that's sunk2 ,but soon1 though our hearts are breaking1 ,they'll burn with the wine we've drunk4 ,then stand to your glasses6--steady6 ',tis here the revival lies2 ,quaff a cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,,iv4 8,time was1 when we laugh'd at others1 ,we thought we were wiser then3 ,ha6 ha6 let them think of their mothers1 ,who hope to see them again4 ,no6 stand to your glasses6--steady6 ,the thoughtless is here the wise2 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,v4 8,not a sigh for the lot that darkles1 ,not a tear for the friends that sink2 ,we'll fall 'mid the wine-cup's sparkles1 ,as mute as the wine we drink4 ,come6 stand to your glasses6--steady6 ',tis this that the respite buys2 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,,vi4 8,who dreads to the dust returning8 ,who shrinks from the sable shore1 ,where the high and haughty yearning ,of the soul can sting no more8 ,no6 stand to your glasses6--steady6 ,this world is a world of lies6 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies6 ,,vii4 8,cut off from the land that bore us1 ,betray'd by the land we find1 ,when the brightest are gone before us1 ,and the dullest are most behind1-- ,stand6 stand6 to your glasses6--steady6 ',tis all we have left to prize6 ,one cup to the dead already2 ,hurrah for the next that dies60 ,after this1 the most rigid examiner of public morals in all countries need not exclusively frown on the old ,germans1 nor on their profane canticle1 the burthen of which is3-- 8,gaudeamus1 igitur1 juvenes dum sumus6 ,post jucundam juventutem4 ,post molestam senectutem4 ,nos habebit1 nos habebit1 nos habebit tumulus60 ,there is1 however1 more reason1 and healthy sentiment1 and pure principle1 in such lines as the following1--extracted from ,walter ,savage ,landor's 8,last ,fruit off an ,old ,tree10--than in reams of such fiery invocations to quaff deeply as those cited above4 ,hear the old man3-- 8,the chrysolites and rubies ,bacchus brings1 ,to crown the feast where swells the broad-vein'd brow1 ,where maidens blush at what the minstrel sings1 ,they who have courted1 may court now4 8,bring me a cool alcove1 the grape uncrush'd1 ,the peach of pulpy cheek and down mature2 ,where ev'ry voice1 but bird's or child's1 is husht1 ,and ev'ry thought1 like the brook nigh1 runs pure40 ,there was a ,persian sage1 whose philosophy was of a different complexion from that of the eloquent moralist of 8the old garden near ,bath40 8,in what can ,i best assist thee80 demanded the ,minister1 ,nizam-al-,mulk1 as he warmly greeted his friend1 ,omar ,keyoomee4 8,place me10 said ,omar1 enamoured of poetry and ease1 8where my life may pass without care or annoyance1 and where wine1 in abundance1 may inspire my muse40 ,a pension was accordingly assigned him in the fertile district of ,nishapour1 where ,omar lived and died4 ,his tomb still exists1 and ,mr4 ,j4 ,b4 ,fraser1 in his 8,persia10 informs us that he heard ,omar's story told over his grave by a brother rhymester1 and a most congenial spirit4 ,the system of ,omar was explained by himself1 in something after this fashion3-- ,i ask not for much3 let the miser seek wealth2 ,let the proud sigh for titles and fame3-- ,all the riches ,i ask are a fair share of health1 ,and the hope of a true poet's name4 ,let the flatterer talk of his worth to the ,shah1-- ,of his greatness1 too1 all the day long2-- ,i envy them not1 for ,i love better far ,to pay my poor tribute in song4 ,a kaftan of honour6 a gem from the ,king6 ,to be gain'd in the field or divan8 ,ah6 rather around me the bright mantle fling ,of the poets of gay ,laristan4 ,let the gems be for those of the glittering crowd1 ,who would die1 the ,shah ,inshah to please2 ,but ,i'm not ambitious1 ,i never was proud1 ,i sigh but for sherbet and ease4 ,do ,i wish for command in dark history's page1 ,do ,i long in fond record to shine8 ,yes1 let me have sway1 till the last sigh of age1 ,over cohorts of old ,shiraz wine4 ,and as for renown1 it may be very well1 ,but ,keyoomee the honour will wave2 ,contented1 if some brother rhymester will tell ,keyoomee's glad life1 o'er his grave4 ,,the ,,making ,,and ,,marring ,,of ,,wine4 ,it used to be said of the old learned and liquor-loving ,germans1 that they did not care what ,latin they spoke1 so long as it was ,latin2 nor what sort of wine they drank1 so long as it was wine4 ,i have read somewhere of a feudal ,german ,baron becoming intoxicated upon pious principles4 ,he was seated1 with his wife at his side1 at the centre of his own table1 presiding at a banquet4 ,he had drunk till he had scarcely power left to carry the goblet up to his ever thirsty lips4 ,the ,frau ,baroninn had repeatedly remonstrated1 in whispers1 with her lord2 who replied1 that he must needs drink when toasts were given1 or his want of faith would be marked by his guests4 ,he was about to raise a full goblet to his beard1 when his lady1 overturning1 as if by accident1 the cluster of lights which illuminated the board1 begged of her consort to fling his wine away upon the floor2 adding1 8,it is dark2 nobody will see you40 8,nay10 said the orthodox ,baron1 solemnly1 8,god sees me60 and therewith he finished his draught1 and was soon after conveyed to his couch1 under such benison as the ,chaplain could give1 who congratulated his master upon the flavour of his wine1 and the strength of his principles6 ,in no country in the world has more wine been drunk than in ,germany2 and no where has adulteration thereof been practised so systematically4 8,vaticana bibis1 bibis venenum10 says ,martial1 in the sixth book of his ,epigrams4 ,for 8,vaticana10 read 8,germanica20 and the line had1 at one time1 as fitting an application4 ,the method pursued appears to have been of classical derivation2 and the ,germans1 like the ,romans1 adulterated their wine with lead4 ,it has been a matter of vexation to ,teutonic scholars1 that they have never been able to discover the name of the ingenious person who first realized the deadly idea of employing lead in the adulteration of wine4 ,all that they can say of him is1 that he was very wicked1 but decidedly clever4 ,the ,roman wine-merchants treated the matter in a business-like way4 ,lead arrested the acetous fermentation of wine1 did not alter its colour1 and did improve its taste4 ,this was all that was desirable1 as regarded them as merchants4 ,if the beverage gave death1 by slow or speedy means1 to those who drank1 that was an affair which concerned the imbibers1 their medical men1 and their families4 ,they were ignorant and godless ,heathens1 of course1 who committed this crime2 and as nothing like it has ever been known as a characteristic of some of the professors of a better dispensation1--why1 our righteous indignation may be intense4 ,one excuse1 indeed1 may be offered for the old ,romans4 8,at lover's perjuries10 as they were told1 8,jove himself condescended to laugh20 and1 if so1 they might feel canonically certain1 that ,mercury would not call them to account1 but rather applaud their proficiency in cheating4 ,but ,galen was more just than the gods of either the ,greek or ,roman mythology1 and sternly denounces the tricks at which the son of ,maia would have smiled4 ,the same ancients were accustomed to boil new wine in metal vessels2 and1 when the quantity had been reduced by the process1 to add sea-water and bad wine1 and send the mixture to market as something that would make the very eyes of ,bacchus twinkle with delight4 ,a process not less distasteful1 if less deadly1 was that of boiling lime and plaster of ,paris in inferior wine4 ,the former was supposed to add an intoxicating quality to the mixture1 which must have been as detestable as 8,masdeu40 ,to this day1 certain wines of the ,mediterranean are subjected to a similar process2 and1 perhaps1 if lime be judiciously used1 the results may not be very injurious4 ,it corrects acidity2 but too much of it would enable the drinker to find out1 as ,falstaff did1 that there was 8lime in the sack40 ,we are wise in our generation1 in employing carbonate of soda for this purpose1 rather than lime1 slaked or unslaked2 and we also do well to reject gypsum1--a compound of sulphuric acid and lime1 and which is seldom procurable in a sufficiently pure state to authorize its being employed4 ,the rejection of plaster of ,paris1 for the purpose of improving wine1 is1 however1 more general than universal4 ,after all1 it is not worse than calcined shells1 and is innocuous when compared with the use of sugar of lead4 ,the ,roman law was not levelled against the adulteration of wine2 it no more controlled the sale or manufacture1 than1 in ,thevenot's days1 the ,tunisian ,government interfered with the sale of wine at ,tunis1 which was left to slaves1 who did with it as they liked1 for their own profit1 and the destruction of infidel stomachs4 ,it was otherwise in ,germany1 where ,diets were assembled to discuss what was1 in truth1 no unimportant matter2 the members of which began to think1 that if wine was worth having1 it was worth providing for its purity4 ,for centuries ,governments made laws1 but bad wine was drunk in spite of them4 ,beckmann gives it as his opinion1 that wines cannot be poisoned by gypsum2 but that is more readily said than proved4 ,the ancients clarified their wine with it2 but they did so at the expense of a portion of the spirituous part4 ,old ordinances against the adulteration of wine1 in ,brussels1 by vitriol1 quicksilver1 and lapis calaminaris1--and in ,france1 by lead and litharge1--may still be read as curiosities1 but they have no present application4 ,a ,german ,monk1 named ,martin ,bayr1 is damned to everlasting fame1 as the first who adulterated wines within the territory of the ,kaiser4 ,pickheimer1 the friend of ,albert ,durer1 is particularly inveterate against ,bayr and his followers in evil4 ,the indignation of the lover of pure wine is carried to an incredible extent4 ,he narrates1 in a rapt fury1 the consequences of drinking injurious wines2 beginning with an assurance1 that adulterated wine keeps the married childless1 and adding1 by a sort of bathos1 that it causes certain inward pains1 8than which none can be more excruciating40 ,he mentions many ingredients employed1 and adverts to some1 8the names of which ,i should be ashamed to mention20 and then he calls for vengeance on the offenders1 both in this world and the next4 8,you hang the counterfeiters of the public coin10 says he2 8do not these miscreants1 whose misdeeds have caused indignant ,nature to check the growth of our grapes1 deserve something worse8 ,cast their accursed beverage1 ,i say1 into the sewers1 and themselves into the flames3 and so may ,martin ,bayr and his disciples perish in this world1 and inherit everlasting damnation in the next60 ,adulteration1 however1 still went on1 until the penalty of death1 and confiscation of property1 was levelled against the employment of sulphur and bismuth1--used by the most noble of wine-makers to sweeten their spoiled and sour commodity4 ,offenders1 however1 again grew bold4 ,the tribunals treated them leniently4 ,first1 fines were levied2 then came confiscation of property1 imprisonment1 and hard labour2 next1 banishment3 and none of these courses meeting the evil1 the ,judges at length cut off the head of an incorrigible criminal1 ,ehrni of ,erlingen2 and1 for a while1 terrified the whole brotherhood of wine-spoilers into a temporary observance of honesty4 ,the next struggle which occurred in ,germany1 was between those who applied tests to detect the presence of metals1 and those who invented processes to defy them4 ,it was a scientific struggle between two species of assassins1--those who swiftly killed by brewing poisonous wine1 and the physicians who racked their brains to invent detective tests1 and save their patients for a slower process of extinction4 ,this was very rudely said by rude people1 who looked upon themselves as the victims sought for by two contending parties1--the distillers on one side1 and the doctors on the other4 ,the use of milk by the ,greeks was1 probably1 not for adulterating1 but for refining1 their wines4 ,isinglass is at present generally employed for the last-mentioned purpose4 ,as it is the tendency of the world to improve1 so the not inconsiderable world of adulterators in ,england has profited1 like philosophers1 by the discoveries of those who have preceded them4 ,a mixture of strong port1 rectified spirit1 ,cognac brandy1 and rough cider1 can be concocted into what is called 8fine old crusted port40 ,it costs the maker about sixteen shillings a gallon1 and is sold retail at five shillings a bottle4 ,sloe-juice is another ingredient1 and poisonous tinctures give it a seductive hue4 ,powder of catechu does for it what hair-powder does for the individual1--gives a crust of antiquity to secure for it the veneration of the ignorant4 ,a decoction of ,brazil-wood1 and a little alum1 will impart to the corks the requisite air of corresponding age2 and these the credulous gaze at and believe4 8,madeira1 neat as imported10 is the definition of a beverage cleverly manufactured much nearer ,fenchurch-street than ,funchal4 ,home-made ,madeira is a compound of bad port1 ,vidonia1 that ,african nastiness called 8,cape10 sugar-candy1 and bitter almonds2 and the ,vidonia1 which is an ingredient in itself1 often adulterated with cider and rum2 and a little carbonate of soda1 8to contumace the appetite's acidities40 ,the lowest and cruellest insult to human taste and stomachs is1 perhaps1 the adulteration of ,cape4 ,it is bad enough in itself2 but ,cape1 with something worse in it1 is only fit for the thirsty hounds of ,pluto4 ,gooseberry1 passed off as ,champagne1 is an impostor1 and even with strawberries in it1 to give it an aristocratic pinkness1 it is still a deception2 but1 compared with ,cape1 even in its best condition1 gooseberry may be imbibed without very much disgust4 ,a fracas between the waiters and their employers at the last ,lord ,mayor's dinner1 betrayed another pleasant process regarding wine4 ,the attendants in question declared that1 after many hours' toil1 they had not had a glass even out of a dovered bottle4 ,they were as much surprised when the ,magistrate asked the meaning of 8dovering10 as the sailor was1 when he stood before a ,lord ,high ,chancellor ignorant of the signification of 8'baft the binnacle40 ,a complaisant ,ganymede enlightened the darkened mind of the metropolitan ,cadi3 8,dovering10 said he1 8is the collecting of three-quarter emptied decanters from the dinner-table1 and re-decantering the same1 serving it up as freshly uncorked40 ,dover has the bad reputation of being the locality where this process was first invented4 ,one of the most ingenious--perhaps we should say1 one of the most scientific--tricks that we have heard of1 in connexion with wine-doctoring1 proves that the modern chymical brewers of superior beverages1 which seem what they are not1 are vastly superior to the mere experimentalists of former days4 ,in the royal cellars of ,carlton ,house1 there was enshrined1 if we may so speak1 a small quantity of wine which1 like the gems worn by the ,irish lady1 was both 8rich and rare40 ,it was only produced by ,george ,,iv4 when he had around him his most select and wittiest friends4 ,the precious deposit gradually diminished2 year by year1 as in the case of the famous sha-green skin of the ,french novelist ,balzac1 it grew less2 until1 at last1 a couple of dozen bottles only were left1 gleaming at the bottom of their bins like gems in a mine1 and full of liquid promise to those who needed the especial comfort which it was their duty to impart4 ,these1 however1 were left so long unasked for1 that the gentlemen of the ,king's suite who had the control of the grape department1 deemed them forgotten1 and at their own mirthful table drank them all but two1 with infinite delight to themselves1 and to the better health of their master4 ,they soon found1 however1 that there was 8garlic in the flowers10 as the ,turkish proverb has it2 and their embarrassment was not small1 when the ,king1 giving his orders for a choice dinner on a certain night1 intimated his desire that a good supply of his favourite wine should grace the board4 ,in ,courts1 8to hear is to obey20 and the officials who had drunk the wine1 at once resorted to an eminent firm1 well-skilled to give advice in such delicate wine-cases4 ,the physician asked but for a sample bottle1 and to be told the exact hour at which the favourite draught would be asked for4 ,this was complied with1 and in due time a proper amount of the counterfeit wine was forwarded to ,carlton ,house1 and there broached and drunk with such encomiums1 that the officers who were in the secret had some difficulty in maintaining an official gravity of countenance4 ,the brewer of the new wine was certainly a first-rate artist2 and if he ever achieved knighthood and a coat-of-arms1 ,i would give him a 8,bruin0 for his crest1 and1 8,the drink6 the drink6 dear ,hamlet60 for his device4 ,this anecdote1 ,i may farther notice1 has often been told1 and nearly as often been discredited2 but ,i am assured by an officer of the household1 who speaks 8avec connaissance de fait10 that it is substantially true4 ,one of the merits of the wine above mentioned consisted in its great age4 ,there has1 indeed1 always been a sort of mania for wine that bears the load of years4 ,but this rage is pronounced by ,cyrus ,redding to be one of the most ridiculous errors of modern epicurism4 ,the 8bee's wing10 the 8thick crust on the bottle10 the 8loss of strength10 and so on1--all these are declared by the best judges to be nothing more than forbidding manifestations of decomposition1 and the disappearance of the very best qualities of the wine4 ,many years ago1 ,i made a 8note0 on this subject1 but am now unable to recollect from what work1 nor can ,i say whether the following remarks on the qualities of wine were made by the author of an original work1 or by a reviewer commenting thereon4 ,such as they are1 however1 they are not without value4 8,the age of maturity10 says the writer1 8for exportation from ,oporto1 is said to be the second year after the vintage2 probably sometimes not quite so long4 ,our wine-merchants keep it in wood from two to six years longer1 according to its original strength1 c4 ,surely this must be long enough to do all that can be done by keeping it4 ,what crude wine it must be to require even this time to ameliorate it6 the necessity for which must arise either from some error in the original manufacture1 or a false taste1 which does not relish it till time has changed its original characteristics4 8,port1 like all other wines1 ripens in a shorter1 or longer1 time1 according to its lightness1 or its strength1 the quality of the grapes1 according to the fermentation they have undergone1 and the portion of brandy that has been added to it4 ,also one cellar will forward wine much sooner than another4 ,sound good port is generally in perfection when it has been from three to five years in the wood1 and from one to three in bottle4 8,ordinary port is a very uncleansed fretful wine2 and we have been assured by wine-merchants of good taste1 accurate observation1 and extensive experience1 that the best port is rather impoverished than improved by being kept in bottle longer than two years2 that is1 supposing it to have been previously from two to four years in the cask in this country2 observing that all that the outrageous advocates for vin pass really know about it is that sherry is yellow1 and port is black2 and that if they drink 7more than7 enough of either of them1 according to the colours1 it will make them drunk4 8,white wines1 especially sherry and ,madeira1 being more perfectly fermented and thoroughly fined before they are bottled1 if kept in a cellar of uniform temperature1 are not so rapidly deteriorated by age4 8,the temperature of a good cellar is nearly the same throughout the year4 ,double doors help to preserve this4 ,it must be dry1 and be kept as clean as possible4 8,the art of preserving wines is to prevent them from fretting1 which is done by keeping them in the same degree of heat and careful working1 in a cellar where they will not be agitated by the motion of carriages passing4 ,if persons wish to preserve the fine flavour of their wines1 they ought on no account to permit any bacon1 cheese1 onions1 potatoes1 or cider1 in the wine-cellars2 for if there be any disagreeable stench in the cellar1 the wine will indubitably imbibe it2 consequently1 instead of being fragrant1 and charming to the nose and palate1 it will be extremely disagreeable4 8,it must be well known that almost all our home-made wines1 for public sale1 are made1 and suffered to cool1 in leaden vats4 ,nothing can be more injurious or detrimental to health4 ,every chymist is aware that any vegetable acid that comes in contact with lead1 and is suffered to remain only a few hours1 produces what we call #8sugar of lead1'--a most deadly poison4 ,how many there are that complain that cider will not agree with them6 and several who cannot take even a wine-glass full without vomiting almost immediately4 ,they know not the reason2 and thus many are prevented from taking a most delightful beverage in warm weather2 while others are labouring under its baneful influence4 ,often do we see servants run for vinegar in a pewter or publican's pot2 and the answer we receive when correcting them for the same is1--they have often done the same without any serious consequence4 ,may be so2 but if vinegar1 or any other vegetable acid1 as before said1 be suffered to remain in such vessels only a short time1 the health and constitution must suffer from the acid so taken2 and we will venture to say that almost all paralytic affections are caused by persons1 predisposed to such attacks1 drinking water impregnated with lead4 ,for if there be any carbonic acid in the water1 which there most assuredly is in every kind1 a carbonate is thus formed1 just as injurious as the acetate 7sugar of lead72 and where shall we find a cistern in ,london that is not made of this pernicious1 yet highly useful1 material80 ,the consideration of these subjects1 when drinking home-made wines1 7if1 indeed1 there be people bold enough to venture on such an experiment17 or the other beverages mentioned above1 might serve the purpose of the custom observed among the ancient ,egyptians4 ,it was one less barbarous than singular4 ,a skeleton of beautiful workmanship1 in ivory1 and enclosed in a small coffin1 was carried round at a feast1 by a slave1 who1 holding it up to each guest1 remarked1 8,after death you will resemble this figure2 drink1 then1 and be happy60 ,it must have encouraged the mirth 8consumedly40 ,but there was a grave wisdom in the custom1 notwithstanding4 ,,imperial ,,drinkers ,,and ,,incidents ,,in ,,germany4 ,the stories of the gigantic drinkers of antiquity are startling2 but ,i think they may be accounted for4 ,natural philosophers inform us1 that objects seen through a mist are magnified to the senses2 and so it is with the feats which we are asked to contemplate through the mist of ages3 they are probably not so astounding as they appear4 ,one may say of each story1 so venerable and enlarged by age1 as the good ,dominican did to the congregation whom he had affected to tears by the warmth of one of his legendary sermons4 8,do not cry so1 my brethren10 said the ,preacher2 8for1 after all1 perhaps it's not true40 ,it must be allowed1 however1 that the stories of wine-bibbers of later times than those when the son of ,aristides gained his living by singing ballads in the streets of ,athens1 or the heir of ,cicero drank draughts longer than his sire's orations1 lack nothing whatever of the marvellous4 ,and this reminds me of an incident1 quod alibi narravi1 and which ,i will narrate here1 by way of illustration of this portion of my subject4 ,,an ,,incident ,,of ,,travel4 ,it is now some twelve years ago that ,i was1 in company with two ,norwegians1 in ,prague1 loitering beneath the tower of that sacred edifice dedicated to the fearful dancer1 ,st4 ,vitus4 ,the tower was the same which the drunken ,emperor ,wenceslaus had caused to be shortened1 by some thirty or forty feet1 because he took it into his head that it would one day fall1 and crush him as he lay on his uneasy couch in the ,hradschin4 ,i remarked to my companions1 that the empire1 in its palmy days1 had often been well-nigh lost through the mad caprices of tippling ,kaisers4 8,there was not a ,kaiser of them all10 said ,lwenskiold1 8who permanently injured either himself or his country by his devotion to drinking40 8,what60 said ,i2 8not even ,maximilian80 8,not even ,maximilian10 remarked ,knudtzen4 8,the people1 indeed1 were occasionally a trifle startled at seeing their ruler proceed1 either to the camp or council1 with as much white wine in him as might serve the universe for sauces4 ,they slightly objected1 on hearing that he walked rosy and reeling to confession2 and they were not edified at understanding that his private ,almoner stirred up his punch with a silver crucifix4 ,they even remonstrated with ,maximilian when he had been once within an ace of destroying ,ulm in a drunken frolic4 ,and what was his reply8 ,he kept the deputation of remonstrants the whole night in his palace1 and invited the citizens to assemble1 at day-break1 on whatever spots commanded a view of the towers of the cathedral4 ,the ,emperor and the ,committee of ,moderates finished two hundred and ten bottles of ,rhine wine while they waited for sunrise4 ,this1 among a temperate party of one score and one1 was a tolerable allowance for each individual4 ,at dawn1 all ,ulm was up1 and every eye directed to the cathedral4 ,the towers had scarcely flung back the first rays from heaven1 when a joyous procession issued from the imperial residence4 ,the whole party1 the ,emperor excepted1 were as drunk as schylus4 ,with difficulty did they follow their ,lord1 who1 at the very top of his speed1 and carrying a heavy waggon-wheel on his shoulder1 ran to the cathedral1 ascended the stairs leading to the summit of one of the towers1 and appeared on the rampart1 before his straggling followers had reached the low-arched door beneath4 ,with a light bound1 he sprang on one of the highest parts of the castellated portion1 where there was scarcely footing for him4 ,in that position1 however1 he poised the wheel aloft with his right hand1 let it gently descend on to the foot which he extended above the heads of the multitude1 and1 holding it there for a moment or two1 ended by hurling it into the air1 and catching it again1 ere it fell on the astounded and admiring crowd below4 8#8,there1 you calves6' cried the ,emperor1 as he gazed tranquilly down on the sea of heads below2 #8do you dare complain that ,niedersteiner touches your master's nerves8' 8#8,never again6' exclaimed the delighted mass4 #8,what can we do to testify our affection for ,your ,majesty8' 8#8,toss those gentlemen into a tub of ,selzer-water1' said ,maximilian1 #8and send me half-a-dozen of ,hochheimer1 and half-a-dozen blood-puddings1 for breakfast4'0 ,i could almost believe this tradition2 for ,i had seen a nearly similar feat once performed by a woman on a projecting mass of rock in the ,ahr ,thal4 ,the rock is1 doubtless1 well known to all who have ascended that lovely ,rhine-valley1 at eve1 to eat ,forellen1 and drink ,wallportzheimer4 ,they who do so1 generally return the next morning with an inclination for nothing but the cooling mineral waters to be had at ,hippingen4 8,besides10 said ,knudtzen1 8-propos to cathedrals1 sober principles have done them more injury than jolly ,emperors4 ,do you forget that ,caroline ,bonaparte razed a cathedral in ,italy to the ground80 8,i remember hearing of the deed as connected with a church10 said ,i2 8but ,i have forgotten the reason alleged for it40 8,it was a very sufficient reason for a ,bonaparte4 ,her ,highness lived next door to the church2 and she had it destroyed1 because the noise of the organ kept her awake1 and the smell of the incense made her head ache40 8,royal minds10 ,i remarked1 8cannot condescend to the weaknesses of common people4 ,according to our #8,philosophical ,transactions1' the pigeons at ,pisa were as destructive as ,caroline ,bonaparte4 ,pigeons1 for many ages1 built under the roof of the great church there4 ,their dung spontaneously took fire at last2 and the church was consumed4 ,but1 to return to the old1 defunct ,king of ,saxony4 ,he was afflicted with a super-delicate attack of virtue2 and1 during the prevalence of the disorder1 he issued a decree for the expulsion1 from his picture-gallery1 of all those master-pieces1 the merit of which lay in the glory of their flesh-colouring4 ,he had grown as modest as the ,monk who declared that he had never seen any portion of his body save his face and hands4 ,he is worthy of going down to posterity arm in arm with that old ,polish ,king1 who was a cleaner1 but not a less delicate1 man than the ,monk1 and who boasted to his ,confessor that his purity of mind was so excessive1 that he had never touched his own skin with an ungloved hand4 ,in short1 the old ,king of ,saxony admirably illustrated the saying of ,dean ,swift1 that #8a nice man was a man of nasty ideas4' ,he had not been a sparer of the wine-flask4 ,indeed1 he had rather sinned that way2 and1 in expiation thereof1 he undertook to perform a pilgrimage to the ,holy ,sepulchre on foot4 ,a fever of expectation shook ,dresden1 all the china in it1 and the whole line of road1 at the idea of again beholding a ,christian ,king turning to the neglected shrine4 ,the expectation was not altogether fulfilled2 but the ,monarch1 nevertheless1 performed the pilgrimage40 8,we never heard of it10 exclaimed the travellers1 looking at each other with some manifestation of surprise4 8,that is to say10 ,i resumed1 8that his ,majesty performed it after a fashion4 ,he inquired the distance from his own country-house at ,pilnitz1 to the ,armenian ,convent at the ,holy ,city2 and1 in spite of his education1 he was nothing less than astonished1 to find that it was something more serious than a promenade to ,tplitz4 ,i do not know if he had a vision of boiling his peas1 as an ,english pilgrim did1 of whom ,i could tell you something2 but he certainly experienced some unpleasant sensations at the idea that1 the way being so long1 he might chance to find himself without peas to boil4 ,he wept at the reflection that he might not only be a devout1 but a hungry1 ,king1 while one-half of ,dresden were solacing their appetites on the terrace of ,bruhl1 and the other1 at the ,baths of ,link1 or at the ,bastei4 ,he thought of the dangers2 but he would be devout4 ,the attendant pains were great2 but the resulting pleasures were not to be denied4 ,in short1 he would not go to ,jerusalem2 but he would perform the pilgrimage4 ,accordingly1 the exact distance having been ascertained1 he started from his room1 and walked the entire number of leagues by pacing up and down a long gallery1 deducting from the distance the amount of water passage1 which was but fair4 ,if admiration had been great at the commencement1 surprising fun was excited during the performance4 ,every evening the citizens of ,dresden knew how far their religious ,ruler had proceeded on his way1 or how far he would have proceeded1 if he had but set out4 ,now1 he was breakfasting1 in imagination1 at ,breslau2 sleeping 7in fancy7 at ,olmutz2 and passing1 by a pleasant fiction1 through ,buda4 ,during two days that his ,majesty suffered from a real bilious attack1 the result1 perhaps1 of a ,barmecidal repast at ,essek on the ,drave1 the ,king rested at ,belgrade1 while confined to his bed in ,dresden4 ,but his zeal soon re-invigorated his liver2 and1 as he glided to and fro by his palace windows1 the mystified multitude below learned that the ,monarch was lodging in the house of the ,saxon ,legation at ,istamboul4 ,the pilgrim-traveller suffered a little from the heat 7of the room7 as he descended from the western coast of ,asia ,minor2 but the inconveniencies of the route were things beneath the thoughts of him who--whether at ,bursa1 ,smyrna1 or any other locality on his way--could ring his bell in the ,desert1 and order ,champagne out of his own cellar4 ,the ,king was puzzled one mid-day1 7he had by calculation just reached ,beyrout17 his progress being checked by the unexpected arrival of a portion of the imperial family from ,vienna4 ,visitors of such condition must be attended to2 nevertheless1 his pilgrimage must be continued2 and he1 like the clever and facetious palmer that he was1 did both4 ,he attended his guests with much politeness1 during their stay of two days2 and he put down the time thus spent1 as consumed in a sea voyage from ,beyrout to ,acre4 ,the moment they left1 the royal pilgrim went ashore again1 and happily accomplished the remaining distance to ,jerusalem1 through ,nassara and ,nablous1 without any other hinderance or obstruction than his going one night to see a ,french vaudeville1 while supposed to be enjoying his well-earned repose at ,rama or ,muddin4 ,and thus was accomplished that royal pilgrimage that was never performed4 ,the ,king reached ,jerusalem without going there2 and the people saw him return who had never departed40 8,well10 said ,harold ,knudtzen1 8the ,kings of ,saxony are no longer such simpletons4 ,the present ,monarch loves1 indeed1 good wine1 #8craftily qualified2' but he also1 like ,uzziah1 ,king of ,judah1 loves husbandry4 ,josephine herself had not half so frantic a passion for flowers as he2 and not for flowers alone in their beauty1--not for botany1 either1 merely for amusement's sake1 but for phytology and pharmacy1 as connected with it40 8,he lisped ,linnus10 said ,lwenskiold1 8before he could speak plainly40 8,and1 by reputation1 he knew ,tournefort better than he did ,knecht ,rupert10 added ,harold4 8,he himself told us1 when we met him in ,dalmatia10 continued the latter1 8that he could spell ,dodecandria and ,trigynia before he could read ,grimm's ,story-,book2 and that he knew the meanings of monopetalous and campaniform before he was acquainted with the languages from which the terms were derived4 ,i never saw a man so eager in pursuit of apetalous amentaceous flowers2 and as for carryophylous0---- 8,leave off your abominable phrases60 said ,i1 8and begin by telling me how you two very modest fellows introduced yourselves to the acquaintance of the ,sovereign of ,saxony40 8,the introduction was effected through a very light-hearted and intelligent fellow-botanizer1 whom we met on our way from ,zara up to the mountains4 ,we had all three lost our way while endeavouring to find an infundibuliform0---- 8,nay10 interrupted ,i1 8,i care not what you found1 if you choose to tell it in pentameters40 8,well10 resumed ,knudtzen1 8we were in a wild part of the country1--weary1 hungry1 cold1 and in the dark4 ,wanderers could not well be in a worse plight4 ,we were as flt as ,juno's columns near the church of ,st4 ,helia2 and the skeleton doing duty there for that of ,st4 ,simeon of ,juda1 the pride and palladium of the people of ,zara1 looked in far better condition1 and in1 especially1 better raiment1 than could be boasted of by us humble pedestrians4 ,we had walked many leagues1 when we reached a sorry inn kept by a ,gipsy1 where we hoped to find rest and refreshment1 but were permitted to enjoy neither4 ,our swarthy host stood in his door-way1 like ,horatius ,cocles at the head of the bridge4 ,beds he did not even profess to find for travellers4 ,he had not slept in one himself for years1 and was none the worse1 he said1 for the privation4 ,leopold asked for wine4 8#8,we have three sorts of wine1' said the ,gipsy1 #8which travellers like yourselves once tasted and paid for4 ,i have the very wines which the seven ,schwaben asked for in the ,goldenes ,kreutz at ,ueberlingen4' 8#8,what6 old ,sauerampfer8' cried ,lwenskiold4 8#8,the same1' said our singular host4 #8,it is not quite so sour as vinegar1 but it will pierce the marrow of your bones like a sword2 and it will so twist your mouth1 that you shall never get it straight again4' 8#8,we will try something better than this acid water1' said ,i3 #8we will'---- 8#8,try the ,dreimnnerswein8 ,i am sorry there are only women in the house6' 8#8,what1 in the name of all your saints in ,zara1 have your women to do with the refreshment we need8' 8#8,do6 nothing in the world6 that is precisely it6 ,you will want three men each of you4 ,for ,dreimnnerswein is three times as rough and ten times as sour as vinegar2 and he who drinks it must be held fast by two men1 while a third pours the liquid down his throat6' 8#8,and what of the third of these ,olympic beverages8' said ,i4 8#8,it is called ,rachenputzer1 and has peculiar qualities too4 ,he who lies down to sleep with a flask of it in his body1 must be aroused every half-hour1 and turned over4 ,otherwise a pint of ,rachenputzer would eat a hole right through his side6' 8,the ,gipsy laughed aloud as he uttered these words4 ,we ourselves laughed in despite of our vexation2 and1 somewhat startlingly1 a fourth voice took up the cachinnatory affection1 and laughed even louder than the original three4 ,as the new-comer stood in the light of the door-way1 the landlord touched his cap1 withdrew hastily into the passage1 and slammed the door in our faces1 leaving us in ,cimmerian darkness1 summer trousers1 and a drizzling rain4 ,the matter was no longer risible1 and we were beginning to be seriously annoyed1 when the mysterious stranger1 whom we could but indistinctly see1 invited us to accompany him we knew not whither1 and hospitably to partake of we knew not what4 ,we accepted the invitation most gratefully2 and after a full half-hour's walk1 we found ourselves on the skirts of a wood4 ,in less than half that time1 we subsequently reached a neat little house within the wood itself2 and ,i do not think ten minutes had elapsed1 ere we had made such toilette as travellers may1 and1 with some doubts as to the reality of the circumstance1 detected ourselves in the act of eating vermicelli soup1 and wondering how it had reached us4 8,before our repast was entirely dispatched1 our host1 in whom we saw a young1 well-made1 and exceedingly amiable personage1 informed us that he was on a botanizing expedition for the benefit of an establishment in ,northern ,germany2 that he had been two months settled in the house in which we then were1 and that he had already given temporary shelter to three plant-explorers1 who had resorted1 in their need1 to the house of ,djewitzki1 the ,gipsy1 and who had found to their sorrow1 that it had nothing of the quality of an inn about it1 except the sign4 8,we talked of flowers that night10 continued ,knudtzen1 8as though they were the foremost as well as the fairest things in all the world4 ,but we were sciolists in the science1 and1 contrasted with us1 our host was a sage4 ,he knew that agrimony was under ,jupiter1 and angelica under the ,sun in ,leo2 that milfoil was under the influence of ,venus1 and that garden basil was a herb of ,mars4 ,if every new idea be worth the knowing1 why1 we gained knowledge by the information1 that all the dodders are under ,saturn4 ,we heard1 for the first time1 the virtues of the plant enchusa40 8,but10 interrupted ,lwenskiold1 8we were enabled to remind our host of what ,dioscorides says about it1--that if any who have newly eaten of it do but spit in the mouth of a serpent1 the reptile instantly dies40 8,true10 said ,knudtzen1 8we have not been at ,upsal for nothing40 8,we may all aid each other by turns10 ,i remarked to my two friends1 as we arrived1 after descending from the cathedral1 on the old bridge over the ,moldau4 ,a large herd of cattle was crossing it at the time2 and some of the foremost black oxen of this herd had bunches of amara dulcis 7or1 8woody nightshade07 hung round their necks2 a common custom in ,germany1 as ,i told the young travellers1 and employed as a remedy against dizziness in the head4 8,of the owner or the ox80 said ,harold1 with a laugh4 8,of him who wears it10 ,i rejoined4 8,but ,i want to see the entry of your ,king of ,saxony10 ,i continued1 8and not to listen to the description1 uses1 and property of herbs1 plants1 and flowers2 maiden-hair1 moon-wort1 and ornithogalum spicatum40 8,so much the worse60 answered ,knudtzen1 8or ,leopold and ,i had told you what we learned from our entertainer of celandine2 and what he told us1 from ,pliny1 of the anemone3 how he recommended us1 should we ever visit ,naples1 never to retire to rest without strewing about our bed-chamber some chopped leaves of arse-smart1 a herb most murderous to the numerous light troops cantoned in ,neapolitan sleeping-rooms2 how balm was good for the bite of scorpions2 how ,pliny recommends endweed for the quinsy2--and a thousand other matters touching leaves1 herbs1 trees1 flowers1 roots1 and barks4 ,but ,i will tell you that our ,amphitryon was light as well as learned1 and loved fun as he did flowers4 ,he would discourse upon ballets as well as battles2 knew all about logarithms and the new opera2 told anecdotes2 remembered sermons2 and1 finally1 lighted us to bed1 with a ,latin quotation1 and a brass candlestick4 ,by day-break we were all out in the vicinity of the house1 looking for rare plants1 with as much avidity as though they equalled diamonds in value4 ,we returned together to a breakfast exactly adapted to our tastes and capacities2 after which1 our knapsacks were once more on our shoulders1 and1 having made due acknowledgment for the hospitality received1 we begged to be permitted to know the name of our entertainer4 8#8,you might call me1' said he1 #8the ,dalmatian botanist1 if ,i particularly cared about maintaining my incognito4 ,but ,i hope we shall meet again2 and1 if you ever visit ,dresden1 come to me1 and you shall have better fare than ,i have been able to afford you here4 ,ask for the ,king of ,saxony1' he added1 observing our inquiring looks2 #8and in the mean time write your names on these tablets1 and you shall find that in ,dresden ,i have not forgotten the night in ,dalmatia4'0 8,and did you and the good ,frederick ,augustus ever meet again80 8,twice10 said ,harold4 8,we saw one another for a moment1 a month afterwards1 in ,zara4 ,he was accompanying the ,emperor of ,austria1 followed by a brilliant staff1 to a review1 and he gave us a smile of recognition as he passed40 8,the second time we met him10 added ,leopold1 8was in the gardens of the ,nymphenberg1 near ,munich4 ,he was alone1 amusing himself with feeding the beavers4 ,we spent a very agreeable hour with him in exploring that pleasant retreat of the ,kings of ,bavaria2 and1 on parting1 he repeated his wish that we might meet again in ,dresden1--a circumstance not very unlikely1 as we are now on our way to the ,schsische ,schweitz40 ,a ,,few ,,odd ,,glasses ,,of ,,wine4 ,the ancient people who loved the juice of the grape1 kept in grateful remembrance the names of the first planters of vines4 ,bacchus came from ,india1 through ,egypt1 into ,europe2 and he and his joyous company made vineyards bloom amid many a desert4 ,but the introduction of the vine was not unopposed4 ,the ,chians accepted gratefully the rosy gift from nopia2 and the branch was hailed on its passage through ,greece1 ,sicily1 and ,italy4 ,but in ,greece the vines were destroyed wherever the order of ,lycurgus had force2 and it was in ,athens that1 under ,king ,cranaus1 men first diluted the potent draught with water4 ,the gods visited ,greece with an inundation in consequence2 but the ,sicilians1 nothing daunted1 adopted the temperance that was not sanctioned in ,olympus4 ,domitian did for the vines carried into ,gaul1 from ,tuscany1 what ,lycurgus did for those of ,lacedmonia2 but ,probus restored them to the thirsty ,gauls4 ,numa had taught his people to train the vine which ,janus had given them2 and1 by placing the statue of ,minerva by the side of that of ,bacchus1 he taught them a lesson which ,domitian could not comprehend4 ,he did not know how to be merry and wise4 ,it was long before the ,egyptians acknowledged1 by grateful use1 the excellence of the vine4 ,the ,scythians1 some of the ,persians1 and the ,cappadocians would not drink the delusive draught upon any account2 but then these were barbarians4 ,the ,cappadocians especially not only refused wine1 but liberty4 ,when the latter was offered them by the ,romans1 the reply of the water-drinkers was1 8that they would neither accept liberty nor tolerate it60 ,it is to be remarked1 however1 that all these people tardily attained to a better taste1 like the great ,hippocrates himself1 who1 after touching on the advisability of mixing wine with water1 finally decides1 like the enthusiastic ,athenians1 that it is much better to take the beverage neat4 ,he thinks that1 when grief is at the heart1 pure wine is a specific2 and no doubt ,ariadne thought so too1 or she would not have turned to ,bacchus after ,theseus had abandoned her to a short-lived inconsolability4 ,rome long honoured ,bacchus even as ,ariadne did2 and he who stole a bunch of grapes from a vineyard incurred the penalty of death4 ,italy was1 indeed1 proud of her vines and their produce4 ,of the two hundred varieties of wine then known in the world1 only fourscore were declared to be 8excellent20 and of these fourscore1 nearly thirty were said to be natives of ,italy4 ,the ,chian wines1 however1 maintained for ages a marked pre-eminence4 ,it was a vase filled with wine of ,chios that the poet ,ion gave to every ,athenian who was present at the representation of a tragedy1 for which the poet was publicly crowned4 8,pauper es1 ut solent poet10 was therefore1 evidently1 a line that could not be universally applied to the poets of ,greece4 ,they loved old wine1 too1 did those old people4 ,wine1 as old as the years to which ravens are reported to attain1--a century1 or even two1--was served up at ,rome4 ,it was in consistency something like the clotted cream of ,devonshire4 ,but there was wine of a more solid consistency than this4 ,i have elsewhere spoken of wine chopped in pieces by an axe1 before it could be used4 ,this was because of an accident which had happened to the wine2 but the ,romans had vinous preparations which were served up in lumps2 and we hear of wines being kept in the chimney like modern bacon1 and presented to the guests 8as hard as salt40 ,the ancients are also reported to have been able to change red wine into white1 by means of white of egg and bean-flour1 shaken together with the red wine in a flagon4 ,it would require much shaking before a degenerate modern could effect the mutation in question4 ,but if ,cato could imitate the best ,chian by means of his own gooseberries1 the other feat may hardly be disputed4 ,it is certain that the ancients could boldly swallow some questionable mixtures4 ,thus they drank their wine with sea-water1 in order to stimulate and whip up energies exhausted by being over-driven the night before4 ,myrtle wine1 on the other hand1 was copiously drunk at dawn by those who could not sleep1 but who could afford to remain in bed1 and try to court ,nature's soft nurse4 ,there were ,roman ladies who were not born before nerves were in fashion4 ,these had their especial drinks1 sovereign in their effects1 to calm a nervous system too sorely excited4 ,the most efficacious of these was the 8,adynamon10 or 8powerless wine20 that is1 powerless to intoxicate1 but excellent as an invigorator4 ,it consisted simply of a mixture of water and white-wort2 and when ,julia or ,lalage had tremblingly sipped thereof1 her nerves were so braced1 that she could stand by and look on while ,geta was flogged for an hour4 ,on the point of secret drinking1 the early ,romans were quite as particular and more merciless regarding their wives4 ,when ,micennius detected his wife in the act of 8sucking the monkey10 that is1 feloniously imbibing his wine through a straw at the bung-hole1 he then and there slew her4 ,complaint was made by her friends to ,romulus2 but that chief and sole magistrate confined himself to the remark1 that she had been justly served4 ,the wine-casks at home were for years afterwards accounted sacred by the wives in the absence of their lords4 ,it would appear1 too1 by this incident1 that wine was commonly produced long before ,numa introduced the improvement of training the vine4 ,there were ladies who were rendered more cautious1 but not less bold1 by the judgment pronounced by ,romulus4 ,we hear of one caught in the fact by some members of her own family1 who were so disgusted with her immorality1 that to preserve the respectability of their house1 they starved her to death4 ,as years wore on1 ,judges grew more good-natured1 and only deprived tippling married women of all right in their marriage portions4 ,the ,empire could hardly have been inaugurated1 before thirsty ladies adopted a custom that had been denied them under the ,commonwealth4 ,livia1 the consort of ,augustus1 was eighty-two when she died2 and it was her boast that wine alone had made her an octogenarian4 ,what wine she drank is not stated4 ,she may have had a head that could bear old ,falernian undiluted2 but that was not the case with many of her sex4 ,the ,roman ladies' wine was1 generally speaking1 little more than a sweet tisane1 distilled from asparagus or marjoram2 from parsley1 mint1 rue1 wild thyme1 or pennyroyal4 ,these were sipped at breakfast-time2 and the hour and the ingredient would seem rather to point to sculapius than to ,bacchus4 ,they were1 in fact1 medicinal drinks4 ,the strong wines were drunk at other hours1 and these more innocent draughts were swallowed in the morning1 with reflections as bitter as the beverage4 ,wormwood wine1 too1 was a favourite morning stimulant with intoxication2 and it cannot be denied1 that if modern guests were condemned to a 8pint of salt and water0 with their wine1 the hilarity after dinner would not be of a very joyous aspect4 ,some of the 8sea-wines0 of the ,greeks1 however1 owed their name and reputation chiefly to being immersed1 in casks1 in the ocean4 ,our ,madeira may thus be called a 8sea-wine10 when it has been to the ,east ,indies and back for the benefit of its health4 8,chambertin0 was the favourite wine of ,napoleon4 ,the 8vinum dulce0 obtained after drying the grapes in the sun1 during three days1 and crushing them beneath the feet1 in the hottest hours of the fourth day1 was the drink for which ,commodus had a predilection4 ,it was after draughts of this beverage that he used to fight in the ,circus as the 8,roman ,hercules10 as proud of his performance as ,mr4 ,ducrow1 when he used to ride round it in the same character4 ,commodus1 too1 like the great equestrian1 was an artist in his way2 but he ruined the managers by the exorbitant salaries which he wrung from them1 whenever he condescended to appear in the arena6 ,for the games of the ,circus1 and for bread after the sport was over1 the ,romans have been reproachfully pointed at as alone caring4 ,considering the plight into which they had been plunged by their ,rulers and ,priests1 they seem to me to have been wise in their sentiment4 ,one circumstance is clear1--that they might dip their pennyworth of bread into a deep cup of 8sack0 at the same price4 ,wine cost but sixpence a gallon1--a sufficient quantity for half-a-dozen gentlemen just returned from the ,circus2 or for half-a-dozen ladies1 who had learned to break through the total-abstinence principle of the women of the ,republic4 ,there was much wine to be had for a trifling outlay of money4 ,in ,greece1 it was cheaper still4 ,in ,athens1 wine was dear at fourpence per gallon2 and ordinarily1 ,davus1 out on a holiday1 might get drunk upon four quarts of it1 at a halfpenny per quart2 but ,chremes would nearly flay him alive1 if he caught him before he was sober4 ,i may add1 that this was the price of wine1 that is1 of ,french wine1 in ,england1 under ,john4 ,a tun of ,rochelle wine cost twenty shillings1 and it was retailed at fourpence per gallon4 ,but taking the value of money into consideration1 this was rather a high price4 ,when ,probus restored the vine to the ,gauls1 he sent cuttings of the precious plant into ,britain2 and many localities in the south part of the island produced a very respectable beverage1 of which the parent stock had no reason to be ashamed4 8,as sure as ,god is in ,gloucestershire60 was a common phrase when that picturesque county was covered with monasteries2 and many of the monastic gardens were famous for their grapes and the liquor distilled from them4 ,the little village of ,durweston1 near ,blandford1 in ,dorsetshire1 was once as remarkable for its peculiar grape and its product1 as that restricted ,rhenish locality1 whose grapes produce the ,lieb ,frauenmilch4 ,of the respective merits of the ,english grapes1 ,i will say nothing4 ,the merits of ,french wines have1 however1 occupied the attention of rival medical colleges1 whose professors have shed much ink1 and cracked whole legions of bottles1 in order to discuss1 rather than settle1 the divers deserts of ,burgundy and ,champagne4 ,the question is yet an undecided one1 as is also that respecting the devotion of the ,gauls to the grapes4 ,arnaud de ,villeneuve praises the medival people of ,france1 who intoxicated themselves monthly upon hygienic principles4 ,while other writers assert1 that 8in the middle ages1 and in the sixteenth century1 intoxication was severely punished in ,france40 ,i am the more inclined to believe in the latter assertion1 as the laws against drinking and drinkers1 from ,charlemagne to ,francis ,i41 have often been cited2 and they are marked by a severity--which ,rabelais did not care for1 a button6 ,our own wine-trade with ,france began after the ,norman ,conquest1 and was very considerable when our ,english ,kings were proprietors of the ,french wine districts4 ,about the middle of the sixteenth century1 the maximum price of wine was fixed at twelve-pence per gallon2 but at this time no one was allowed to have in his house a measure that would contain above ten gallons1 unless1 indeed1 he were of noble birth1 or could expend a hundred marks annually4 ,of all ,french wines1 that of ,burgundy is the most difficult of carriage4 ,some ,burgundies cannot bear it at all2 others are transported in bottles covered with a cottony paper1 or bedded in salt4 ,pure ,burgundy exhilarates without intoxicating2 and there is not a liver complaint in a hogshead of it4 ,it is the alcoholic wines that massacre the jecur4 ,the ,burgundy vineyards were originally in connexion with the ,burgundian monasteries1 and there were no better vignerons than the monks4 ,the modern quality of the wine is inferior to its ancient reputation1 simply because modern proprietors are not artistical monks1 but mere money-makers4 ,napoleon adhered to the wine as long as he could2 but at ,st4 ,helena he took to ,bordeaux1--,chambertin would have lost its best qualities in the voyage thither4 ,the ,emperor was1 perhaps1 the best judge of his favourite ,chambertin that ,france ever could boast of1 except1 probably1 in the case of the good ,lindsay1 of ,balcarras1 ,bishop of ,kildare4 ,this ,prelate long resided at ,tours1 and was an excellent connoisseur in wine1 though he modestly used to say1 8,if ,i know any thing1 it is the management of turnip crops and mangel-wurzel40 ,it is no disparagement of the episcopal bench to say1 that many of its members could not justifiably make a similar boast4 ,lord ,brougham1 ,i believe1 used to say1 that 8if he knew any thing1 it was1 that claret should always be drunk after game40 ,there is an imperial authority in favour of ,champagne4 ,when the ,emperor ,wenceslaus visited ,france in the fourteenth century1 to negotiate with ,charles ,,vi41 it was impossible ever to get him sober to a conference4 8,it was no matter10 he said2 8they might decide as they liked1 and he would drink as he liked2 and thus both parties would be on an equality40 ,there is something curious in the caprices of ,champagne2 particularly of the vin mousseux1 or effervescing wine4 ,in the same cellar1 the same wine1 all similarly placed1 will mousser in some bottles1 and not in others4 ,it will even1 when poured from the same bottle1 mousser in some glasses into which it is poured1 while in others it will fall as heavily placid as oil4 ,in warm weather1 however1 a great ,champagne cellar is a very lively place2 so lively1 that it is unsafe to walk through the serried hosts of bottles1 without a wire mask over the face4 ,there are one or two sorts of ,french wine which are considered to be improved by letting a small portion of the stalk be trodden in with the grape4 ,but1 probably1 in the selection of the grape1 there is no where such care taken1 as in the matter of imperial ,tokay4 ,the grapes are selected with the greatest care2 sometimes a second selection is made from the first selected lot4 ,no grape is chosen that is not perfectly sound4 ,the resulting wine is of a highly delicious flavour2 but ,i need not add1 that the general public know but very little about it4 ,to them is vouchsafed the brewage from the damaged grape1 or the distillation of the refuse of the first grape4 ,the product is an acid one1 resembling moderately good ,rhine wine2 but it is not ,tokay4 8,old ,wortley ,montague0 was a great drinker of ,tokay4 ,he lived to the patriarchal age of eighty-three4 ,gray1 writing of him1 says1 that it was not mere avarice1 and its companion1 abstinence1 that kept him alive so long4 ,he imported his own wine from ,hungary1 in greater quantity than he could use1 and he sold the overplus1--drinking himself a half-pint every day1--for any price he chose to set upon it4 ,it was a fashionable wine with the drinkers of the last century4 ,walpole records its being offered at a supper given by ,miss ,chudleigh to the ,duke of ,kingston1 her then 8protector40 8,at supper she offered him ,tokay1 and told him she believed he would find it good40 ,the entertainment was splendid1 and untidy4 8,the supper was in two rooms1 and very fine2 and on all the sideboards1 and even on the chairs1 were pyramids and troughs of strawberries and cherries2 you would have thought she was kept by ,vertumnus60 ,our ancient acquaintance1 8mustard10 was originally raised to the character of 8wine10 in common with some other of the seeds used at ancient tables4 ,our warm friend mustard was the mustum ardens1 or 8hot wine40 ,it was held as good for persons of bilious temperament1 and as being more beneficial in summer than in winter4 ,coriander was used in the same season4 ,it was mixed with vinegar1 and poured over meat to preserve its freshness4 ,there are some men who faint at the smell of linseed4 ,a bread made therefrom was once1 however1 readily eaten by various ,european and ,asiatic people4 ,cakes made of it were placed before the altars of gods1--men making willing sacrifice of what they accounted as of small value4 ,similar sacrifices are made daily even now2 only they are not in the form of aniseed cakes4 ,it is said of the ,arabs1 that they manufactured an intoxicating wine from linseed4 ,this beverage was worthy of being served with that strange dish at dessert1--fried hempseed1--a dish that would have been appropriate enough at a highwayman's last supper1 the night before he rode to ,tyburn4 ,it used to be said of old1 that wine was a sympathetic liquor2 and this is alluded to by more than one writer4 ,sir ,kenelm ,digby1 in his 8,dissertation on the ,cure of ,wounds10 makes a singular remark with respect to wine4 8,the wine-merchants observe every where1 7where there is wine17 that during the season the vines are in the flower1 the wines in the cellar make a kind of fermentation1 and percolate forth a little white lee 7which ,i think they call #8the mother of the wine'7 upon the surface of the wine1 which continues in a kind of disorder till the flower of the vines be fallen2 and then1 this agitation being ceased1 all the wine returns to the same state as it was in before40 ,it was a custom with the ancients to swallow1 to the health of their mistresses1 as many cups or glasses as there were letters in her name4 ,to this custom ,martial refers3-- 8,nvia sex cyathis1 septem ,justina bibatur1 ,quinque ,lycas1 ,lyde quatuor1 ,ida tribus3 ,omnis ab infuso numeretur amica ,falerno40 ,it became us1 as a more mechanical people1 to drink upon pegs rather than letters3 the peg-tankards were said to be the invention of ,king ,edgar4 ,the two-gallon measure had eight pegs2 and the half-pint1 from peg to peg1 was deemed a fitting draught for an honest man2 but as the statute1 or custom1 did not define how often the toper might be permitted to indulge in this measure1 people of thirsty propensities got rather more inebriated than they had dared to be previously4 ,as the half-pint was roughly set down as the maximum of their draught1 it was a point of honour with them never to drink less1--and to drink to that extent as often as opportunity offered4 ,the ,council of ,london 7,archbishop ,anselm's 8,canons10 ,a4,d4 #aajb7 expressly warned the ,clergy against the perils of peg-drinking2 but the same ,council looked upon perukes as being quite as perilous as these pegged half-pints1 and denounced wigs with as much intensity as tankards1--and to about as much purpose4 ,karloman understood the ,ecclesiastics better2 at least1 if traditionary history be worthy of any respect4 ,among the legends of the ,rhine connected with my present subject of wine1 there is one which is worth mentioning4 ,the great ,karloman1 who loved good liquor1 bequeathed to the brotherhood of ,monks at ,rheinfeld a marvellous and covetable butt of wine1 which had not only the merit of being of first-rate quality1 but which never decreased1 though it was continually running at the spigot6 ,this wine was for the use of the brethren2 but the good ,emperor also left a sum of money which he desired should be spent in treating visitors to the monastery with good ,rhenish wine4 ,when a weary traveller claimed the hospitality of the ,monks1 he was immediately conducted to an inner apartment4 ,here he was invested with the collar of ,karloman1 and gravely informed that1 it being necessary that he should be baptized1 he had only to say whether he preferred that the ceremony should be performed with wine or with water4 ,if1 like an honest fellow1 he selected wine1 he was gently constrained to swallow three monster bumpers of ,muscatel4 ,he was then crowned with a parcel-gilt coronet1 and so became installed one of the jolly ,knaves of ,st4 ,goar4 ,there were some privileges attached to this dignity2 among others1 was the right to fish on the summit of the ,lurley ,berg1 where there is no water2 and of hunting on the sand-banks of the ,rhine1 where there is not safe footing for a sparrow4 ,the poor temperate wight1 on the other hand1 who preferred the modest medium of water for the ceremony of his baptism1 was proclaimed a blind ,heathen1 and was immediately drenched to the skin1 from outpouring buckets of water that were showered upon him in all directions4 ,such was the solemnity of the ,hnsel1 as instituted by ,karloman4 ,this ,emperor's affection for the ,rhine and its vicinity was as strong as that of an old gastronomic ,english ,bishop for his native island4 ,the episcopal attachment is exemplified in the story of the ,prelate's last moments1 when his faithful servant ,john endeavoured to encourage him4 8,be comforted1 my ,lord10 said ,john3 8your ,lordship is going to a better place40 8,ah1 ,john60 said the ,bishop1 8there is no place like old ,england60 ,there was a practice among the ,romans with regard to wine1 which should win the respect of all our ,inns of ,court4 ,all law business was suspended during vintage time4 8,san10 says ,minucius ,felix1 8et ad vindemiam feri judiciorum curam relaxaverunt20 and this was no poor holiday3 it was the ,long ,vacation of the ,roman bar1 extending1 as the ,rev4 ,hubert ,ashton ,holden remarks1 in his admirable edition of the 8,octavius10 from ,august #bbnd to ,october #aeth4 ,and here let me remark1 parenthetically1 how much preferable it would be to make a school-book of the 8,octavius0 of ,minucius ,felix1 so rich in early ,christian information1 and so pure in its ,latinity1 rather than pursue the old course of letting boys read ,ovid and similar authors4 ,the ,abb ,gaume1 in his 8,ver ,rongeur10 traces all the evils by which society is afflicted1 to the study of erotic ,latin and ,greek authors4 ,the ,abb rushes from one extreme into its opposite1 and wishes to confine our sons to the mawkish ,latinity of the ,lives of the ,saints1 and the ,pastorals 7so unlike the ,eclogues7 of ,bishops4 ,the work of ,minucius ,felix just occupies the safe medium of the two remote points1--erotic ,heathenism1 and ,monkish mendacity1 told with much violation of grammar4 ,it is a book that ought to be on the list of works to be studied in every locality devoted to the education of 8ingenuous youth40 ,it is hardly necessary to write of the effects of wine on the bodily economy4 ,they are too familiarly known4 ,there was an old adage that-- 8,he who goes to bed1 and goes to bed sober1 ,falls as the leaves do1 and dies in ,october2 ,but he who goes to bed1 and goes to bed mellow1 ,lives as he ought to do1 and dies a good fellow40 ,this is poor poetry1 worse sentiment1 and deadly counsel4 ,half the evils that torture men arise from intemperance2 and1 next to excess in alcohol1 immoderation in wine is the most fatal practice to which humanity can bind itself slave4 ,an ,arab says of his horse1 that the horse's belly is the measure of its corn4 ,men are too apt to allow a similar metage with respect to themselves in the matter of wine4 ,it were safer to remember that we cannot drink too little1 and that we soon may be drinking too much4 ,panard very justly says1-- 8,se piquer d'tre grand buveur1 ,est un abus qui je dplore4 ,fuyons ce titre peu flatteur2 ,c'est un honneur qui dshonore4 ,quand on bot trop1 on s'assoupit1 ,et l'on tombe en dlire3 ,buvons pour avoir de l'esprit1 ,et non pour le dtruire40 ,as good advice1 more eloquently delivered1 is given by our own ,herbert1 a poet next to ,shakespeare for felicity of expression4 ,our reverend minstrel and monitor says1-- 8,drink not the third glass1 which thou canst not tame ,when once it is within thee1 but before ,may'st rule it as thou list2 and pour the shame1 ,which it would pour on thee1 upon the floor4 ,it is most just to throw that on the ground1 ,which would throw me there1 if ,i keep the round40 ,and again3-- 8,if reason move not1 gallants1 quit the room2 7,all in a shipwreck shift their several way27 ,let not a common ruin thee entomb2 ,be not a beast in courtesy1 but stay1 ,stay at the third cup1 or forego the place3 ,wine1 above all things1 does ,god's stamp deface40 ,this is admirable counsel1 logic1 and theology4 ,the people who least stood in need of such a triad of excellent aids to good living were the ,egyptians1 at that particular period of their career when they confined themselves to drinking 8,beer small as comfort1 dead as charity40 ,and this may naturally lead us to look in1 for a moment1 on both the ancient and the modern ,egyptians1 when seated at table4 ,but1 previous to doing so1 there is a little philological matter ,i would fain settle1 as far as so indifferent an authority may presume to do so1 and which may interest1 not merely wine-bibbers1 but etymologists1 and zealous correspondents to 8,notes and ,queries40 ,it may be very briefly discussed4 ,i have noticed1 in another page1 the fact that nearly all our old-fashioned drinking phrases are but corruptions of foreign terms4 ,a 8carouse10 for instance1 is derived from 8gar aus10 8altogether empty10 sufficiently indicative of what a reveller was to do with his full glass4 ,there is one--a rather vulgar term--of the origin of which1 however1 ,i have never heard any account4 ,but ,i think ,i may have discovered it in a little ,german poem1 by ,pfarrius1 called 8,der ,trunk aus dem ,stiefel10 and which1 thus roughly done into ,english1 may serve to show ,,the ,,origin ,,of 8,,boosey40 ,in the ,rheingraf's hall were of ,knights a score1 ,and they drained their goblets o'er and o'er1 ,and the torches they flung a lurid glow ,on the ,knights who were drinking there below4 8,ho1 ho60 said the ,rheingraf1 8,sir ,knights1 ,i find1 ,our courier has left a boot behind2 ,he who can empty it off at a breath1-- ,the ,hufflesheim village is his till death40 ,then laughing1 he filled the boot to the rim1 ,till the bright red wine flowed over the brim2 ,and said1 as he mark'd their sparkling eyes1-- 8,good luck to you1 ,knights--you know the prize60 ,then ,johann von ,sponheim sat silent by1 ,but pushed his neighbour to rise and try2 ,and ,meinhart1 his neighbour1 could nothing do ,but scowl at the boot1 and sit silent too4 ,old ,florsheim1 he nervously stroked his beard2 ,and ,kunz von ,stromberg spoke never a word2 ,and even the giant ,chaplain stared ,at the monster boot1 as though he were scared4 ,then ,boos von ,waldeck did loudly call1-- 8,here1 hand me that thimble60 and 8,health to all60 ,and then1 in one breath1 to the very last drain1 ,he drank1 and fell back on his seat again1 ,and said1 8,o1 ,sir ,rheingraf1 it were my mind1 ,had the fellow his other boot left behind1 ,to empty that1 too1 at a breath2 and take ,for my prize ,norheim village1 near the lake40 ,then loud laughed they all at ,waldeck's good jest1-- ,of all landless tipplers1 till then1 the best2 ,but the ,rheingraf1 he kept his knightly word1-- ,and ,boos of the ,boot was ,hufflesheim's lord6 ,if therein be not the origin of 8boosey10 why1 let the lexicographers look to it4 ,but my readers will have had enough of these uncouth names4 ,i have now to introduce them to hosts with names equally unmusical2 but1 luckily1 we have now to do more with acts than appellations1 and therewith pass we to golden ,egypt1 and her well-spread boards4 ,i will only first add another word respecting spirits1 as a beverage4 ,all authorities are agreed1 that reason has no more deadly foe than alcohol4 ,the effects of the latter are well described by ,dr4 ,winslow1 whom we have previously quoted in the matter of mental dietetics1--a gentleman who might1 with justice1 have given a plump denial to the remark of ,macbeth1 had it been addressed to ,dr4 ,winslow1 when the royal patient uncivilly told his medical adviser1 8,thou canst not minister to a mind diseased40 ,dr4 ,winslow says3 8,the alcoholic elements introduced into the blood1 and brought into immediate contact with the tissues of different organs1 will derange the functions which they are severally destined to perform2 and the amount and character of the mischief so produced will correspond with1 and be modified by1 the peculiarities of their individual organic structure4 ,with these facts before us1 when we consider the delicate structure of the brain1 as revealed to us by the progress of microscopic anatomy1 we must be prepared for the physical and mental derangement which must arise1 either from the alcohol itself1 or its elements1 being brought into direct contact with the vesicular neurine or granular matter entering into the composition of its white and grey substance4 ,according to our most recent physiological views1 the vesicular matter is the source of nervous power1 and associated1 as the material instrument of the mind1 with all its manifestations1 whether in the simple exercise of perception1 or the more complicated operations of the thinking principle4 ,we are then to conceive the simple or organic structure dedicated to this high function brought into contact with irritating and noxious elements4 ,the result must obviously be a disturbance in the manifestations of the mind proportioned to the organic derangements so produced2 and without1 therefore1 taking a materialistic view of the changes which take place1 the obliteration of some1 and the derangement of other of the intellectual faculties1 are hereby satisfactorily accounted for4 ,it is certain1 that when the circulation in the grey matter of the convolutions is retarded by congestion1 or accelerated by unwonted stimulation1 there is a corresponding state of stupor or mental activity1 amounting even to delirium1 produced2 and1 indeed1 it has been suggested1 by some of our most eminent physiologists1 that every idea of the mind is associated with a corresponding change in some part1 or parts1 of the vesicular surface40 ,and if they who sit 8amid bumpers brightening10 could only hold this truth in sober memory1 there would be less imbibed at night1 and more sunshine in their souls on the morrow4 ,and now let us pass to the cradle of wisdom1 the ancient ,misraim1 where1 despite the national boast1 folly was1 perhaps1 as much deified as in any locality upon earth4 ,yes1 let us now to ancient ,egypt1 where1 as good old ,herbert so finely expresses it1-- 8,men did sow ,gardens of gods1 which every year did grow ,fresh and fine deities4 ,they were at great cost ,who for a god clearly a sallet lost6 ,o1 what a thing is man devoid of grace1 ,adoring garlic with a humble face6 ,begging his food of that which he may eat1 ,starving the while he worshippeth his meat6 ,who makes a root a god1 how low is he1 ,if ,god and man be severed infinitely6 ,what wretchedness can give him any room1 ,whose house is foul1 while he adores his broom80 ,,the ,,table ,,of ,,the ,,ancient ,,and ,,modern ,,egyptians4 ,if neither the grave of the ,pharaohs nor physiology will1 nor ,dr4 ,hincke nor ,chevalier ,bunsen can1 reveal to us the secret of the origin of the ,egyptians1 we1 at all events1 know that they were majestically-minded with respect to the table4 ,the science of living was well understood by them2 and the science of killing was splendidly rewarded2 seeing that the soldiery1 besides liberal pay1 allowance of land1 and exemption from tribute1 received daily five pounds of bread1 two of meat1 and a quart of wine4 ,with such rations they ought not to have been beaten by the ,persians1 when the latter had so degenerated1 that their almost sole national boast was1 that they could drink deeper than any other men1 without seeming half so drunk4 ,the ,egyptians1 too1 were tolerably stout hands1 and heads to boot1 at the wine-pot2 and there were few among even their ,kings who1 like the ,king of ,castile1 would have choked of thirst1 because the grand butler was not by to hand the cup4 ,the pulse and fruits of ,egypt1 the fish of the ,nile1 the corn waving in its fields1 which needed neither sun nor rain to exhibit productiveness1--all these were the envy1 and partly the support1 of surrounding nations4 ,the corn was especially prized2 and a reported threat of ,st4 ,athanasius to obstruct the importation of ,egyptian corn into ,constantinople1 threw the ,emperor ,constantine into a fit of mingled fright1 fever1 and fury4 ,an ,egyptian ,squire commonly possessed a hundred or two cows and oxen1 three hundred rams1 four times that number of goats1 and five times that number of swine1 for the supply of his own little household4 ,the apartments in the mansions of these gentlemen were beautifully painted1 and were furnished with tables1 chairs1 and couches which have supplied models for the upholstery of modern times4 ,they were lovers of music1 and willingly suspended conversation at their feasts1 in order to listen to the 8concord of sweet sounds40 ,cleopatra was but a febrile creature2 but she sat down with good appetite1 and love in her eyes1 to the banquet given by ,antony1 at which fifteen whole boars smoked upon the board4 ,but ,cleopatra1 frail and fragile1 like many thin people1 ate heartily2 and when she herself treated ,csar1 it was with such a banquet that slaves died to procure it1 and the guests who were present wondered at the rarities of which they partook4 ,there was every thing there that gastronomy could think of1 except mutton1--an exception in favour of the divine ,ammon with the ram-like head4 ,i believe that even roast beef and plum-pudding were not lacking2 for these delicacies were popular in ,thebes1 as was broiled and salted goose1 with good brown stout1 strong barley-wine1 to cheer the spirits and assist digestion4 ,excessively proud1 too1 were the old ,egyptians of their culinary ability4 ,when the ,egyptians1 under their ,king1 attacked ,ochus1 ,sovereign of ,persia1 the former were thoroughly beaten1 and their ,monarch was captured4 ,ochus treated him as courteously as the ,black ,prince did ,john of ,france1 and invited him to his own table1 at the simplicity of which the ,egyptian laughed outright4 8,prince10 said the uncourteous captive1 8if you would really like to know how happy ,kings should feed1 just let my cooks--if you have caught the rascals1 as you have me--prepare you a true ,egyptian supper40 ,ochus consented1 enjoyed himself amazingly at the banquet1 and then1 turning to his ,egyptian prisoner1 punished him by saying1 8,why1 what a sorry fool art thou1 whose ambition has lost thee such repasts1 and reduced thee to henceforth envy1 as thou wilt1 the moderate meals that suffice us honest ,persians60 ,the implied threat was worse than the sentiment4 ,the dinner-table of the ,egyptians was sometimes covered with a linen cloth imitating palm-leaves1 sometimes left uncovered4 ,plates and knives1 but not forks1 were in common use4 ,in place of the latter were short-handled spoons of gold1 silver1 ivory1 tortoise-shell1 or alabaster4 ,the dining-table was circular3 ornamented rolls of wheaten bread were placed before each guest2 and supplies of the same were heaped in gay-looking baskets on the side-board1 where also were kept the wine1 the water1 ewer1 and napkins1 which slaves1 fair or swarthy1 ,greek or ,negro1 were ready to present at the bidding of the guests4 ,previous to sitting down to the repast1 the company put a spur to their appetite1 and a cordial to their stomach1 in the shape of pungent vegetables or strong liqueurs4 ,glasses for beer1 decanters and goblets for wine1 appear among the ancient pictorial illustrations of ,egyptian table-furniture4 ,it would seem1 too1 from the position of those at table1 that they rose from their chairs to challenge each other to drink1 to propose toasts or healths1 or to inflict speeches upon the vexed ears of compulsory listeners4 ,in these 8counterfeit presentments0 of ,egyptian life may be seen the entire science of epicureanism1 and its practical application put into action4 ,the poultry-yard1 the slaughter-houses1 the markets and the kitchen1 are so graphically depicted1 that we see at once1 that the art of making life comfortable was one most profoundly respected by the ancient and mysterious people4 ,the selecting1 purchasing1 and killing are vividly portrayed4 ,the cooking is carried on in a large bronze caldron1 on a tripod1 over a fire1 which is stirred by an under-cook1 with a poker that may have been bought any day at ,rippon and ,burton's4 ,the butcher is there1 too1 in order decently to dissect the fowls2 and our ancient friend carries before him the identical steel for sharpening his knife1 which may be seen any day hanging from the waists of the butchers of ,london4 ,there is a pastrycook1 also1 in one of these 8civil monuments of ,egypt10 who is carrying a tray of tartlets on his head2 and to the tray is appended the inscription signifying 8one thousand10 which probably means1 that this 8,birch1 ,pyramid-place1 ,cairo10 drives such a trade1 that he makes and sells a thousand tarts or a thousand varieties of them daily4 ,a dinner fresco1 in a tomb at ,thebes1 shows us an entertainment given by a naval officer to some of his professional brethren4 ,this fresco is described as being in compartments1 and1 perhaps1 the most curious is that in which 8you see on one side the arrival of an aristocratic guest1 in his chariot1 attended by a train of running footmen1 one of whom hastens forward to announce his arrival by a knock at the door1 sufficient to satisfy the critical ear1 and rouse the somnolent obesity1 of the sleepiest and fattest hall-porter in ,grosvenor ,square4 ,the other compartment presents you with a coup-d'il of the poultry-yard1 shambles1 pantry1 and kitchen2 and is completed by a side view of a novel incident4 ,a grey-headed mendicant1 attended by his faithful dog1 and who might pass for ,ulysses at his palace-gate1 is receiving1 from the hands of a deformed1 but charitable1 menial1 a bull's head1 and a draught of that beer1 for the invention of which we are beholden to the ,thebans40 ,the story of ,mycerinus1 the ,egyptian ,king1 is grandly told by ,mr4 ,arnold1 in his popular volume of poems2 and1 succinctly1 by ,herodotus4 ,an incident of the story connects it with our subject4 ,mycerinus was persecuted by the gods for rendering ,egypt happy1 instead of oppressing it1 like his predecessors1 and as the oracles had declared it should be oppressed for many years to come4 ,in punishment for such impious piety1 as his offence may be called1 poor ,mycerinus was told by the oracle at ,buto1 that he should live only six years longer4 8,when ,mycerinus heard this1 seeing that his sentence was now pronounced against him1 he ordered a great number of lamps to be made1 and1 having lighted them1 whenever night came on1 he drank and enjoyed himself1 never ceasing night or day1 roaming about the marshes and groves1 wherever he could hear of places most suited for pleasure2 and he had recourse to this artifice for the purpose of convicting the oracle of falsehood1 that by turning the nights into days1 he might live twelve years instead of six40 ,poor fool6 ,he probably succeeded in his object1 but after a sorry fashion4 ,it may be good poetry to say that-- 8,the best of all ways ,to lengthen our days ,is to take a few hours from night1 my dear20 but it is bad in principle1 and universally unsuccessful in practice4 ,a recent describer of his travels in ,egypt has said1 that nothing is so easy as to show that the ,egyptians gave jovial banquets within the sepulchral hall of tombs4 ,i think that nothing would be so difficult as to prove this4 ,the nearest approach to it would be the case of the skeleton that was carried about at ,egyptian banquets1 the bearer1 at the same time1 warning the guests that1 eat1 drink1 and laugh as they might1 to that 8complexion they must come0 at last4 ,the assertion1 however1 was probably made1 in part1 to excuse a barbarous festival1 at which the writer was present1 in the tombs of ,eilythyias4 ,the locale was one of the huge halls1 whose colossal columns serve to support the huger mountain that is above4 ,the dinner1 we are told1 was laid out between the columns1 with strings of small lamps suspended in festoons over head4 ,the civilized and ,christian ladies and gentlemen who were the guests at this feast1 broke up the coffins of the pagan and barbarian ,kings and ,queens1 in order to procure wood to boil their vegetables6 ,they laughed1 joked1 and sang joyous songs1 and wondered what the buried majesty of ,misraim would say1 could it burst its cerements1 and see northern men of unknown tongues drinking ,champagne at its august feet4 ,and if1 for a moment1 a reflecting guest contrasted the savage revelry with the ensigns hung out by the ,king of ,terrors to intimate his irresistible dominion over the company1--why1 reflection was soon banished by the appearance of the ,awalim and ,ghawazi girls1 whom strong coffee and more potent brandy had primed for their lascivious dancing4 8,o ,father ,abraham6 what these ,christians are60 ,these tombs are full of instruction to those who can read them4 ,they show us that the chief butler and cook--the 8keeper of the drinks10 and the ,prince 7sar7 of his cooks--were probably ,princes of the blood of ,pharaoh4 ,in all pictorial representations of banquets1 it is the eldest son who hands the viands to his father1 the eldest daughter to the mother4 ,the bill of fare of the trimestrial banquet of the dead1 held in the noble hall of the tomb of ,nahrai at ,benihassan1 is still extant4 ,it is as long as that of a score of ,lord ,mayors'2 and hundreds of men were fed from what remained4 ,all the retainers of ,nahrai1 who was a ,prince in ,egypt a full century before the time of ,joseph1 were buried in the vaults beneath the hall2 and every one who could claim kindred with them had a right to partake of the feast4 ,the manner of service appears to have been after this fashion3--,the youngest children of the house received the viands from the cooks1 and those children passed them on to the elder1 until they reached the first-born1 who placed the dish at the feet of his sire1 by whom a portion was cut off1 which the daughters1 according to their age1 transferred from one to the other till it reached the separate table of their mother4 ,all remained standing1 at these festival-dinners1 until the two seniors of the house had finished the first dishes of the repast4 ,portions from these were then served to the children1 when the whole party sat down together2 the children eating of the remains of the first dish1 while 8the governor0 and his lady partook of the integral second2 and so on1 through a long service4 ,on the wall of a tomb at ,ghizeh1--that of ,eimei1 one of the ,princes of the ,saphis1--the bill of fare directs ninety-eight dishes to be placed1 at once1 on the table1 at the fortnightly banquets which glad survivors held in honour of the departed1 who appear to me always to enjoy an immense advantage over those whom they leave behind them4 ,but now let us look in upon the modern ,egyptian4 ,if he be the master of a house1 while he is at ablutions and prayers1 his wife is making his coffee2 and it is to be hoped that she is allowed the privilege alluded to in the ,augustinian sentiment1 orat qui laborat4 ,the cup of coffee and pipe1 taken early1 generally suffice the ,egyptian till noon1 at which hour comes the actual breakfast1 usually consisting of bread1 butter1 eggs1 cheese1 clotted cream1 or curdled milk1 with1 perhaps1 a thin pastry1 saturated with butter1 folded like a pancake1 and sprinkled with sugar4 ,a dish of horse-beans 7terrific dish67 sometimes adorns the table4 ,they have been slowly simmering through a whole night in an earthen vessel1 buried up to the neck in the hot ashes of an oven2 and the sauce for this indigestible dish is linseed oil or butter1 and1 perhaps1 a little lime-juice4 ,those to whom butter is difficult of procuring1 or to whom good dinners are rarities1 often make a meal1 and are content1 upon dry bread dipped in a mixture of salt1 pepper1 wild marjoram1 with various other herbs1 pungent seeds1 and a quantity of chickpeas4 ,the bread is dipped into this ragot1 and so eaten4 ,the supper is the principal meal in ,egypt4 ,the cooking is especially for this repast2 and what remains is appropriated for the next day's dinner1 despite the apophthegm of ,boileau1 that-- 8,un dner rchauff ne vaut jamais rien40 ,it is only an amiable paterfamilias that dines with his wives and children2 and1 in truth1 where the wife appears in the plural number1 the husband can hardly expect a quiet meal4 ,the washing before eating is almost of universal observation4 ,the table is a round tray placed low1 so that the squatters on the ground may conveniently eat thereat4 ,bread and limes are placed on the tray4 ,the bread is round1 as among the ancient ,egyptians1 and often serves as a plate4 ,the spoons1 too1 are of the materials ,i have named in speaking of the older nation4 ,the dishes are of tinned copper or china2 and several are put upon the table at one time4 ,among the ,turks1 only one dish appears at a time4 ,twelve persons1 with one knee on the ground and the other 7the right7 raised1 may sit round a tray three feet in diameter4 ,each guest tucks up his right sleeve1 and prepares for his work1 after imitating the master of the house in uttering a low ,bismillah1 8,in the name of ,god40 ,the host sets the second example of commencing to eat2 and the guests again follow the good precedent4 ,knives and forks are not used2 spoons only for food like soups and rice4 ,the thumb and two forefingers are the instruments otherwise employed2 and they are employed delicately enough4 ,generally1 a piece of bread is taken1 doubled together1 and dipped into the dish1 so as to enclose the morsel of meat which the guest designs for himself1 or1 if it be a savoury bit1 and he be courteous1 intended for presentation to his neighbour4 ,the food is suited to such practices4 ,it consists of stewed meats1 with vegetables of endless variety1 or of small morsels of mutton or lamb1 roasted on skewers3 clarified butter compensates for want of fat in the meat4 ,a fowl is summarily torn asunder by two hands1 either of the same person1 or the right hands of two guests4 ,dexterous fellows1 like our first-rate carvers1 will 8joint0 a fowl with one hand4 ,the ,arabs do not use the left hand at all at table1 because it is used for unclean purposes4 ,the disjointing is easily done2 and even a whole lamb1 stuffed with pistachio nuts1 may be pulled to pieces much more easily than we divide a chicken4 ,water-melons1 sliced1 set to cool1 and watched1 lest serpents should approach1 and poison the dish by their breath1 generally form1 when in season1 a part of an ,egyptian meal1--a meal which usually closes with a dish of boiled rice1 mixed with butter1 salt1 and pepper2 but occasionally this dish is followed by a bowl of water1 with raisins that have been boiled in it1 and sugar added1 with a little rose-water1 to give it an odour of refinement4 ,a bottle of six-year-old port is preferable4 ,as soon as each person has satisfied his appetite1 he ceases1 murmurs1 8,praise be to ,god60 drinks his sweetened water1 rises1 and goes his way4 ,they who drink wine1 do it in private1 or with confidential friends1 call it 8rum0 to save their orthodoxy2 and if a visitor call while this process is going on1 the ready servant informs him that his master is abroad or in the harem4 ,sweet drinks and sherbets1 approved by the ,law and the ,prophet1 are in common use1 and pipes and prayer end 8the well-spent day40 ,egyptian women have some little fancies connected with the table that may be mentioned4 ,in order to achieve that proportion of obesity which constitutes the beautiful1 they eat mashed beetles1 and they chew frankincense and laudanum1 to perfume the breath4 ,the ,egyptian peasantry live upon the very sparest of diets1 not often being able to procure even rice4 ,they1 like the ,bedouins1 are1 however1 remarkable for strength and health2 but an ,egyptian or ,bedouin diet would not produce the same results in an ,english climate4 ,it will have been observed1 that in ,egypt each man says his own 8grace10 before and after meat1 for himself4 ,the same custom prevails in ,servia4 ,at table1 instead of one person asking for a blessing on the food1 each individual expresses1 in his own words1 7an improvement on the ,egyptian plan17 his gratitude to the ,supreme ,being4 ,in drinking1 the toast or sentiment of the ,servian is1 8,to the glory of ,god60 and a very excellent sentiment1 only the ,servian is apt to get very drunk over it4 ,the ,servian qualification for a chairman at a convivial party is1 that he should be able to deliver an extempore prayer2 and a very good qualification1 provided it be not a mere formality1 and that the spirit of prayer be the strongest spirit there4 ,the combination1 however1 of ,collects and conviviality reminds me of some strange parties at old-fashioned houses in our provincial towns1 where comic songs are followed by discussions on the ,millennium1 and seed-cake and ginger wine season both4 ,i have spoken more of the achievements of ,egyptian cookery1 than of the quality of the cooks4 ,the fact is1 that it is far more easy to speak decidedly of the former1 than of the latter4 ,mr4 ,st4 ,john describes the ,arab cooks in ,egypt as being great gastronomers1 and serving up 8their dishes in a style which could not have displeased ,elagabalus himself60 ,mr4 ,lane equally lauds their excellence1 and the delicacy of the manner of eating4 ,herr ,werne1 on the other hand1--and he is a man of wide experience in this matter1--speaks very differently both of ,turkish eating and ,arab cooking in ,egypt4 ,werne1 indeed1 speaks of the remote district of ,bellad ,sudam1 rather than of ,cairo and ,alexandria2 but his observations have an extensive application1 nevertheless4 ,he is disgusted with the general want of cleanliness2 and he remarks1 that 8the cooks are dirtier in themselves1 and more filthy in their dress1 than any other class of people40 ,the dirty ,arab cook is in a dirty kitchen1 a dirty pipe ever in his mouth1 and with the dirtiest of hands manipulating savoury preparations for the mouths of his masters4 ,he knows little more than how to boil or roast meat1 boil beans1 and prepare vegetable dishes4 ,even the female slaves of the harem1 who act as cooks to their lords1 are remarkable for uncleanliness4 8,all the meat to be used for the dinner is sodden together in one huge caldron1 and separated for arrangement in various dishes1 all of which partake of general flavour1 having been cooked together1 and there is but scant nourishment in any of them40 ,the vegetables are described by him as being wretchedly cooked1 and saturated with bad butter1 or the water in which they have been boiled4 ,the dishes are not larger than our plates2 the plates1 when such are used by the guests1 about the size of our saucers3 but 8each guest at once plunges his hand into any or every dish that pleases him1 and gropes about till he gets hold of the best bits1 pulls them out1 and swallows them4 ,very often a bite is only taken from the piece thus seized on1 and the rest returned to the dish2 but1 in spite of the clean treatment it has undergone1 it is again soon seized hold of by another1 and1 perchance1 again similarly handled1 till all is finally bolted4 ,the ,turks eat incredibly rapidly1 as they bolt every thing1 and keep cramming into the mouth more1 ere the former mouthful has been swallowed2 while a smacking of lips1 and licking of sauce-dripping fingers1 succeed1 and proclaim their pleasure in the meal4 ,bread is generally to be found on the table1 but neither salt1 oil1 vinegar1 nor pepper2 although1 when they dine with ,europeans1 they show no dislike to highly-seasoned dishes or strong drinks4 ,although these dishes are numerous1 they contain but little4 ,if there are many courses1 or more dishes than the table will hold at one time1 the entertainer is ever busied making signs to the attendants which are to be removed2 and not seldom the guest finds1 that the very dish he was about to help himself from is carried off from under his very nose4 ,the ,pasha used often to amuse himself by playing tricks on his guests1 by ordering off1 with the utmost rapidity1 those dishes he saw their longing eyes fixed on1 ere their outstretched hands could convey any portion of them into their watering mouths4 ,at first1 in spite of the pilau1 we never were quick enough to get sufficient to eat1 not having been brought up to bolt our food2 and that the ,turks are so quickly satisfied1 and by so little1 is wholly owing to this bolting of their food1 is undeniable2 and this also produces the repeated eructations they so loudly and joyfully give vent to1 as proving their high health and vigour40 ,the ,turks and ,arabs of ,egypt 8chaw10 carrying their quid between the front teeth and upper lip4 ,the blacks of ,gesira mix tobacco and nitron1 dissolving the latter in an infusion of the former4 ,this they call 8bucca20 and they take a mouthful of it at a time1 which they keep rinsing over their teeth and gums1 for1 perhaps1 a quarter of an hour1 before they eject it4 ,they have 8bucca0 parties1 as we have tea-parties2 and then is the circle in the very highest state of enjoyment1--imbibing1 gurgling1 gargling1 and ejecting1--and not a word uttered1 except at the close1 when the guests return thanks to their host 8for this very delightful evening60 ,egypt was the locality wherein the saints of old especially shone with respect to their table arrangements1 or their contempt for them2 and these gentlemen fairly claim a due share of notice at our hands4 ,so1 now 8for the ,desert60 ,,the ,,diet ,,of ,,saints4 ,feasting1 under certain circumstances1 at certain seasons1 and for certain ends1 is undoubtedly sanctified by apostolical recommendation4 ,the earlier fathers1 however1 say little on the subject4 ,clement of ,alexandria mentions weekly fasts at ,easter2 and ,tertullian1 in an article especially recommending the observation1 bitterly bewails that it has fallen into a general disuse4 ,the ,church of ,alexandria also ordained a fast on ,wednesdays and ,fridays2--on ,wednesday1 because on that day ,christ was betrayed2 on ,friday1 because on that day he was crucified4 ,in ,alexandria too arose the saying1 that the aspen-tree shook because it was the tree from which the wood for the cross was taken4 ,the fasting generally consisted in abstaining from food until three o'clock in the afternoon1 but a religious liberty was allowed1 connected with its observance1 until the sixth century1 when a ,council of ,orleans decreed excommunication against all who did not fast according to the laws of the ,church4 ,nor did the authorities stop at this penalty2 for1 in later times the unlucky wight detected in relieving hunger by eating prohibited meats1 was punished by having all his teeth drawn--the offending members were summarily extracted4 ,the prohibited food in ,lent was flesh1 eggs1 cheese1 and wine2 subsequently flesh alone was prohibited2 and this tenderness of orthodoxy so disgusted the ,greek ,church1 that it lost its temper1 flew off into schism1 and forgot charity in maintaining that the use of meat in ,lent was damnable4 ,the ,xerophagia1 or 8dry eatings10 were the days on which nothing was eaten but bread and salt4 ,this was in very early times4 ,innovators added pulse1 herbs1 and fruits--no unpleasant fare in hot countries4 ,the ,montanists made this fast obligatory1 and were very much censured in consequence4 ,the ,essenes1 who1 whether as ,jews or ,jewish ,christians in ,alexandria1 were singularly strict observers of the ,sabbath1 carrying their strictness to a point which my readers may find in ,jortin1 if they are curious thereupon1 observed also this fast very rigidly1 and on the stated days ate nothing with their bread but salt and hyssop4 ,most of the saints recorded on the canon roll of ,rome1 appear to have maintained very indifferent tables1 and to have considerably marred thereby their strength and efficiency4 ,saint ,fulgentius abstained from everything savoury1 and even drank no wine1 says his biographer2 which looks as if the good men generally did take some for their stomach's sake2 and indeed ,fulgentius himself took a little negus when he was indisposed to plain water2 and 8small blame to him0 for so harmless a proceeding4 ,st4 ,eugenius never broke his fast till sunset2 and when a bunch of grapes was sent to a sick monk of the desert1 he forwarded it to a second1 and a second to a third1 and so on to a twentieth1 until this health-inspiring offering1 made for man by ,god1 was withered and nasty4 ,these monks did not pray like ,pope3-- 8,the blessings thy free bounty gives ,let me not cast away1 ,for ,god is paid when man receives1-- ,to enjoy is to obey40 ,but this is a sentiment in the opposite extreme1 or might be easily carried in that direction4 ,palladius says of one of these desert monks1 ,st4 ,macarius1 that for years together he lived only on raw herbs and pulse2 that during three consecutive years he existed on four or five ounces of bread daily2 and that he consumed but one small measure of oil in a twelvemonth--a substitute for the gallons of sack with which profaner men washed down their modicum of bread4 ,st4 ,macarius1 however1 surpassed himself in ,lent2 and an alderman might be excused for fainting at the idea of a human being passing forty days and nights in a standing position1 with no more substantial support than a few raw cabbage-leaves on a ,sunday6 ,st4 ,genevive was hardly inferior in austerity1 and only ate twice in the week1 on ,sundays and ,thursdays1 and then only beans and bread4 ,when she grew old and infirm1 and she was prematurely both1 she indulged in a little fish and milk4 ,simeon ,stylites surpassed both in culpable austerity4 ,he spent an entire ,lent without allowing anything to pass his lips2 and at other seasons this slow suicidal saint never ate but on ,sundays4 ,his chief occupation upon the pillar1 which looks much more like a column of pride than a monument of humility1 was in praying and bowing4 ,an admiring monk1 who must have had as little of active usefulness to employ his time with as poor ,simeon1 exultingly records1 that he did not eat once during the day1 but that he made one thousand two hundred and forty-four bows of adoration in that time4 ,oh1 ,simeon6 well for thee1 poor fellow-mortal1 if those reverences be not accounted rather as homage to thyself1 than to ,him to whom homage is due4 ,it is extremely difficult for the human mind to realize the idea of a ,bishop of ,london never breaking his fast till the evening1 and then being satisfied with a solitary egg1 an inch of bread1 and a cup of milk and water2 such1 however1 is said to have been the daily fare of ,st4 ,cedd1 a predecessor of ,dr4 ,blomfield in the metropolitan diocese4 8,how unlike my ,beverly60 ,st4 ,severinus1 an ,austrian prelate1 had a more indifferent table than ,st4 ,cedd1 especially in ,lent1 when he ate but once a week4 ,st4 ,william of ,bourges never tasted meat after he was ordained4 ,st4 ,theodosius1 the ,cenobiarch1 was more frugal still1 and bread often lacked1 we are told1 even for the holy offices of the ,church4 ,this would seem to intimate1 however1 that the officers of the ,church may have eaten it4 ,be this as it may1 when bread was needed for the sacrament1 a string of mules miraculously appeared in the desert1 bearing the necessary provision4 8,necessary provision10 may be well said1 for if the ,cenobites consumed little themselves1 they presided at tables where occasionally sat a hundred hungry guests1 who must have much needed a dinner1 seeing that they crossed the desert to obtain it4 ,some of the most self-denying saints1 like ,st4 ,felix of ,nola1 if they declined wine in its liquid form1 took it in pills1--swallowing grapes4 ,st4 ,paul1 the first hermit1 lived on the fruit of a tree which produced a fresh supply daily1 the bread to temper which was brought every morning by a raven4 ,the diet was sufficiently invigorating to give strength to the modest man to bite off his own tongue1 and spit it in the face of a lady who tried to tempt him1 as the ,irish nymph tempted the uncourteous ,st4 ,kevin of ,glendalough4 ,he was1 in abstinence1 only second to ,st4 ,isidore1 who1 when hungry1 burst into tears1 not because ,god had mercifully provided him wherewith to satisfy lawful appetite1 but because1 sinful man that he was1 he dared to eat at all6 ,i have spoken of the abstinence of a ,bishop of ,london2 there was a ,bishop of ,worcester1 ,wulstan1 who is worthy of being mentioned with him4 ,wulstan was rather fond of savoury viands1 but he was one day1 during mass1 so distracted by the smell of meat roasting in a kitchen1 which must have been very close to his church1 that he made a vow to abstain from meat for ever4 ,but ,i do not know if he kept his vow4 ,st4 ,euthymius was a more rational man1 for he taught his monks that to satisfy hunger was no crime1 but that to abuse appetite and ,god's gifts too1 was an offence4 ,st4 ,macedonius1 the ,syrian1 did not discover this truth until he had so impaired his powers by long fasts1 that it was impossible to restore them--as he tried to do on a diet of dry bread4 ,and yet he was so prematurely gifted1 that his own birth is said to have been the result of his own prayers6 ,the table kept by ,st4 ,publius for his monks was not of a liberal character4 ,he allowed them nothing but pulse and herbs1 coarse bread1 and water4 ,nothing else6 ,he prohibited wine1 milk1 cheese1 grapes1 and even vinegar--which every sour brother might have distilled from his own ichor4 ,from ,easter to ,whitsuntide was accounted a holiday time1 and during that festive period1 the brotherhood were allowed to grow hilarious1 if they could1 upon a gill of oil a-piece4 ,st4 ,paula1 8the widow10 subjected her nuns to the same lively fare1 and she moreover fiercely denounced all ideas of personal neatness and cleanliness1 as an uncleanness of the mind4 ,she accounted herself wise in so doing1 but her nuns might fairly have put to her the question asked by ,mizen1 in the ,fair ,quaker of ,deal3--8,do'st thou think that nastiness gives thee a title to knowledge80 ,st4 ,john ,chrysostom was as severe as ,paula1 and it would not have cost ,olympias much to defray1 as she insisted upon doing1 the expenses of his table4 ,the table which the saint kept for guests was1 however1 hospitably and delicately laden--and perhaps this was an inconsistency in a man who censured what he also encouraged4 ,they who have made a saint of ,charlemagne1 aver that he broke his fast but once a day1 and that after sunset4 ,i cannot believe this of a man who dealt so largely in the eggs laid by his hens1 and in vegetables raised in his garden4 ,nor do ,i believe that ,st4 ,sulpicius ,severus would have written so capital a biography of ,st4 ,martin1 had he lived1 as it is said1 on herbs1 boiled with a little vinegar for seasoning4 ,surely1 we have heard of the 8kitchen0 of gentlemen like ,sulpicius1 and if his condensed ,scripture ,history be as dry as the bread he ate during the task1 his letters to ,claudia seem to have been written on more generous food4 ,not that he was immoderate4 ,he kept one cook1 a very 8plain cook0 indeed1 as ,sulpicius describes him1 when he despatched the boy to ,bishop ,paulinus with a letter which commences with a startling bit of episcopal history1 namely1 that 8all the cooks in the kitchen of ,paulinus had left him without warning1 because the prelate was getting too careless about good living40 ,some commentators say that the letter was a joke2 but the reply to it is extant1 and therein it may be seen how ,paulinus did not look upon it as a joke4 ,southey1 in his 8,st4 ,romuald10 mirthful as the story is1 has not exceeded the truth1 or rather has not departed from the narrative told by the good man's biographers3-- 8,then1 ,sir1 to see how he would mortify ,the flesh6 ,if any one had dainty fare1 ,good man1 he would come there2 ,and look at all the delicate things1 and cry1 ,o ,belly6 ,belly6 ,you would be gormandizing now1 ,i know2 ,but it shall not be so6-- ,home1 to your bread and water4 ,home1 ,i tell ye40 ,and thus says ,alban ,butler of him3--8,he never would admit of the least thing to give a savour to the herbs or meal-gruel on which he supported himself4 ,if anything was brought him better dressed1 he1 for the greater self-denial1 applied it to his nostrils1 and said1 #8,oh ,gluttony1 ,gluttony6 thou shalt never taste this6 ,perpetual war is declared against thee6'0 ,st4 ,william of ,maleval was of the same opinion when he cried because he ate his dry bread with a relish1 and found that what he called 8sensuality0 was not inseparable from the coarsest food4 ,st4 ,benedict of ,anian1 on the other hand1 did not decline the use of a little wine1 when it was given him2 while ,st4 ,martinianus1 again1 lived upon biscuits and water1 brought to him twice a-year--and very nasty fare it must have been towards the end of each six months4 ,it must have been worse than that of ,st4 ,peter ,damian1 who prided himself on never drinking water fresh1 and thought there was virtue in having it four-and-twenty hours old4 ,st4 ,tarasius must have maintained a more decent table1 for it is said of him that he used to take the dishes from it and give of them to the poor2 and honour be to his name1 because of his good sense and his charity6 ,our venerable acquaintance of the principality1 ,st4 ,david1 was not half so wise1 however well-intentioned2 but ,st4 ,charles1 ,earl of ,flanders1 followed the better course1 and not only lived moderately well1 but acted better1 by daily distributing seven hundred loaves to the poor4 ,the ,welsh saints1 generally1 kept as austere a table as ,st4 ,david4 ,there was1 for instance1 the cacophonous ,winwaloe of ,winwaloe1 who kept his monks at starving point all the week1 recalling them to life on ,sundays by microscopic rations of hard cheese and shell-fish4 ,his own fare was barley-bread strewn with ashes1 and when ,lent arrived1 the quantity of ashes was doubled1 in honour of the season6 ,st4 ,thomas ,aquinas was so abstracted that he never knew1 at dinner1 what he was eating1 nor could remember1 after it1 if he had dined1 which was likely enough4 ,st4 ,frances1 ,widow1 foundress of the ,collations1 was in more full possession of her wits2 as1 indeed1 the lady saints were1 generally4 ,she had her little fancies indeed1 which were 8only charming ,fanny's way10 and her beverage at eve was dirty water1 out of a human skull2 but she had no mercy for lazy devotees1 and invariably told sighing wives that they had active duties to perform1 and that they had better keep out of monasteries1 at least till they were widows4 ,she was a good1 humble woman2 and1 as a commentator says of the abstinence of ,st4 ,euphrasia1 without humility these facts would be but facts of devils6 ,another gleam of good sense shines upon us from the person of ,st4 ,benedict4 ,he drank wine1 and so did his monks of ,vicovara1 who liked his wine better than either the toast or sentiment with which he passed it round to them1 and who tried to get rid of him by poisoning his glass2 but the saint1 full of inspired suspicion1 made over it the sign of the cross1 and away went the flask into fifty fragments4 ,the taste of the good saint was known after he left ,vicovara1 and a pious soul once sent him a couple of bottles of wine by a faithless messenger1 who delivered but one4 8,mind what you are about10 said ,st4 ,benedict1 8when you draw the other cork for yourself40 ,the knave was not abashed1 but when he did secretly open the other bottle for the solace of his own thirsty throat1 he found nothing therein but a lively serpent1 which glided from him after casting at him a reproachful look6 ,if ,st4 ,benedict was right in the ordering of his table1 why ,st4 ,john of ,egypt was wrong1 for he never drank anything but stagnant water1 nor ate anything cooked by fire2 even his bread he complacently swallowed before it was baked2--and what his liver was like1 it would puzzle any but a physician even to conjecture4 ,there was infinitely more sense in the table kept by an abbot of the compound ,christian and ,pagan title and name of ,st4 ,plato4 ,he never ate anything but what had been raised or procured by the labour of his own hands2 he was consequently never in debt with respect to his household expenses1 and if all men so far followed the example of ,st4 ,plato1 who was a better practical philosopher than his heathen namesake1 what a happy world we should make of it6 ,there would be fewer ,christmas bills1 and many more joyous dinners1 not only at ,christmas1 but all the year round6 ,st4 ,plato deserves our respect2 he would not live on alms4 ,he was more useful in his generation than the men who1 like ,st4 ,aphraates1 were content to exist on the eleemosynary contributions of the faithful1 or than those who1 like ,zozimus and his followers1 wandered through the desert1 trusting to chance and calling it providence4 ,what1 compared with our friend ,plato1 was that ,st4 ,droun1 the so-called patron of shepherds1 who during forty years taught them nothing1 and lived on the barley-bread which they brought him in return for his instruction4 ,i have given one or two instances of the spare tables kept by a few of our ancient bishops2 ,i may here add to them the name of ,st4 ,elphege1 some time ,bishop of ,winchester1 and subsequently ,archbishop of ,canterbury4 ,the smell of roast meat was never known in his palace on any but 8extraordinary occasions40 ,this1 however1 is a very indefinite term1 and the table of this primate may have been one to make a cardinal give unctuous thanks for rich mercies1 five days out of the seven4 ,there was certainly gastronomic work to do in some of the ancient godly households1 or ,st4 ,james of ,sclavonia would not have passed so many years in one1 as he did1 in the capacity of cook1 8improving0 the occasion1 by drawing ideas of hell from his own fires1 which were for ever roasting savoury joints1 like those which strike the visitors with awe and appetite in the kitchens at ,maynooth4 ,if in some houses there were busy kitchens1 in others there were soft couches1 whereon digestion might progress4 ,thus ,adalbert1 ,bishop of ,prague1 was a ,saint and ,martyr2 and it is said1 that he had a most comfortable bed in his dormitory1 but that he never slept upon it6 ,then1 what was the bed for8 ,it is added1 that he fasted in private1 with great severity1--but it is no more 8of faith0 to believe this1 than it is that he slept every night on the floor1 under1 and not upon1 his own excellent feather-bed2 for what says the old refrain8-- 8,a notre coucher ,un lit1 des draps blancs1 ,une ---- digue daine1 bon6 ,voila la vie que ces moines font60 ,but he may have been a profane fellow who wrote these rude rhymes2 and we will no more implicitly trust him1 than we will the prose historians of the doings and dealings of the saintly men4 ,it is not an unusual thing to find wine-bibbers mentioned among the members of holy communities2 where wine was generally supposed to be a luxury never employed but for the service of the altar1--and perhaps of the sick4 ,the venerable ,bede tells a story of a 8brother10 whom he had known1 and whom he wishes to ,god he had never known1 and who was given to worship the spigot4 ,bede does not give his name1 but certifies that the too jolly friar lived ignobly in a noble monastery1 where he was often reproved for his acts of drunkenness1 and only tolerated because of his gifts1--not spiritual1 but as a carpenter4 ,he was a terrible tippler1 but a hard workman to boot1 and would1 at any time1 rather labour all day and all night at his bench than join the brethren in chapel4 ,indeed1 when he did go1 his thoughts were running on something else4 ,he was like the profane ,yorkshire farmer1 who praised the institution of the ,sabbath because it not only brought roast beef with it as a sacred observance1 but it authorized him to attend in his pew at church1 where1 said he1 8,i puts up my legs and thinks o' nothing60 ,bede's carpenter was characteristically punished for his bibbing2 and the story was made much of1 by way of monition to others4 ,it was to this effect3--8,he1 falling sick1 and being reduced to extremity1 called the brethren1 and with much lamentation1 and like one damned1 began to tell them that he saw hell open1 and ,satan at the bottom thereof1 and also ,caiaphas1 with the others that slew our ,lord1 by him delivered up to avenging flames4 #8,in whose neighbourhood1' said he1 #8,i see a place of eternal perdition prepared for me1 miserable wretch that ,i am6' ,the brothers1 hearing these words1 began seriously to exhort him that he should repent even then1 while he was in the flesh4 ,he answered in despair1--#8,i have no time now to change my course of life1 when ,i have myself seen my judgment passed4' ,when he had uttered these words1 he died1 without having received the saving viaticum2 and his body was buried in the remotest part of the monastery2 nor did any one dare to say masses1 sing psalms1 or even to pray for him40 ,which seems a very hard case2 for if any one needed such service it was he2 and the ,church's ability to extricate him could not be denied1 when she was duly pre-paid for the service4 ,curiously enough1 ,st4 ,monica1 the mother of ,st4 ,augustin1 ranks among the wine-bibbers4 ,her pious parents left their children to be brought up by a servant-maid1 who had more zeal than discretion1 and who would allow none of the children to drink1 were they ever so thirsty1 except at meal-times1 and then only a drop or two of water4 8,if you cannot restrain your desire to drink now10 she would say1 8what will it be when you have wine at command80 ,now1 the effect of this speech was exactly like that of the confessor to the hostler1 when he asked the latter1 if he never greased the horses' teeth in order to prevent them eating their corn4 ,it gave the young ,monica a new idea4 ,she was accustomed to draw the wine for her father's table1 and she henceforth began to drink a portion each time that she went to the cellar with her pitcher4 ,and ,i do not know that ,mr4 ,millais1 or any other of the pre-,raphaelite gentlemen1 could have a better subject for a picture1 than that representing the scene when the horrified nurse-maid beheld her young charge indulging in her cups in the parental wine-vault4 ,the lecture she received worked her conversion1 we are told2 and she married1 and became the mother of ,st4 ,augustin1 who so far followed the maternal example that1 in his earlier years1 when1 with his eyes upon heaven1 his heart was with the good things of the earth1 his commonest prayer used to be1 8,lord1 make me religious1 but not just yet40 ,the nurse-maid of ,monica deserved to have been the wife1--and perhaps she was1--of ,st4 ,theodotus1 the vintner of ,ancyra4 ,he was a teetotaller who kept a tavern1 and who passed the live-long day in leaning over his counter and begging his customers not to drink6 ,well1 men have been canonized for less useful service to their kind2 and ,theodotus was more worthily employed in keeping drunkards from his wine-casks1 than ,st4 ,pius ,v4 was when1 every day before dinner1 by way of mocking his appetite1 he resorted to the public hospitals1 and kissed the ulcers of the patients6 ,nay1 biographers tell us that an ,english ,protestant gentleman was suddenly converted to ,romanism1 by observing the condescension and affection with which ,pius kissed the ulcers on the feet of some poor men6 ,the pope1 if he and the convert dined together after this nasty ceremony1 might have confessed that he had been sore put to it for an argument that should carry conviction to an ,english gentleman in search of a religion4 ,let us contrast this pope in his pride with a cardinal in his fall4 8,when ,wolsey10 says ,mr4 ,hunter the antiquary1 8was dismissed by his tyrannical master to his northern diocese1 he passed many weeks at ,scrooby4 ,it is a pleasing picture which his faithful servant1 ,cavendish1 gives of him at this period of his life3--#8,ministering many deeds of charity1 and attending on ,sundays at some parish church in the neighbourhood2 hearing or saying mass himself1 and causing some one of his chaplains to preach to the people2 and that done1 he would dine in some honest house of that town1 where should be distributed to the poor a great alms1 as well of meat and drink1 as of money to supply the want of sufficient meat1 if the number of the poor did so exceed of necessity4'0 ,wolsey was no saint certainly1 but he was as honest a man as ,pius1 and a wiser when he fed the poor rather than kiss their ulcers4 ,but there is no accounting for taste2 the ,russian ,boniface used to roll himself among thorns and nettles1 in order to get an appetite1 or to punish himself for indulging over much4 ,st4 ,germanus1 on the other hand1 commenced every repast by putting ashes into his mouth2--the modern custom of beginning with oysters is certainly better both for taste and stomach4 ,st4 ,walthen took wine1 but then he put spiders in it4 ,st4 ,dominic1 too1 was singular in his diet1 and he sometimes spent his half-hour before dinner in one of the most curious positions that gentlemen could possibly fix upon4 ,the ,abbot of ,st4 ,vincent's one day desired his company at dinner1 but at the usual hour the saint was in church1 and had forgotten the invitation4 ,in the meantime the turkey and chine were spoiling1 and the hungry abbot despatched a monk in quest of the loiterer2 the messenger hurried to the church1 where1 to his very considerable astonishment1 he beheld ,st4 ,dominic 8ravished in an ecstasy10 whatever that may mean1 8raised several cubits above the ground1 and without motion40 ,the ,saint1 on being told that dinner was ready1 graciously smiled at the intelligence1 and gently descended to the ground4 ,st4 ,laurence would have joked at this1 as he did at his own grilling4 ,after he had lain for some time extended on his gridiron1 he calmly said to the executioner1 8,will you have the kindness to turn me1 as ,i am quite done on the under side80 ,the executioner1 a trifle astonished1 did as he was required1 and soon after1 the ,saint1 again speaking1 said1 8,i shall be obliged if you'll take me up1 as ,i am now fit for eating40 ,this story reminds me of the remark made by an ,irishman1 when first told that ,st4 ,patrick had crossed the ocean on a millstone3--8,i can't contradict it6 ,he was a lucky fellow60 ,we are told of ,st4 ,bernard1 who used to walk before dinner on the banks of the ,lake of ,lausanne1 that on hearing two of his monks speak of the beauty of the lake1 he declared that no such lake existed1 or he had been too much absorbed ever to have noticed it4 ,so the ,trappists used to glory in not knowing where or how they dined1 or recollecting anything about it6 ,all this shows less wisdom at table than was exhibited by the royal ,st4 ,louis1 who1 when a certain friar began to discuss doctrinal subjects with the pullets1 stopped him with the remark that 8all things had their time1 and joking was good sauce with chickens60 ,st4 ,laurence ,justinian1 the first patriarch of ,venice1 was far less indulgent than the royal saint of ,france4 ,he was so little so1 that when his thirsty monks sometimes asked for a little wine1 declaring that their throats felt as dry as the high road in summer1 he used quite as drily to remark1 that if they could not bear parched throats now1 what would they do in the fires of purgatory8 ,st4 ,john the ,dwarf1 ,anchoret of ,scete1 cared as little for wine as ,st4 ,laurence1 but he was fond of fruit1 and he obtained a supply from a strange source4 ,an old hermit bade him plant his walking-staff in the ground1 and he not only did so1 but he watered it regularly for three years1 when it bore pippins1 sweeter than those that grew at ,ribstone up to the time of the death of the late baronet4 ,before this miraculously-bearing stick the little man used to read prayers as devoutly as ,sir ,hollyoak ,goodrick1 the present ,ribstone baronet1 does to the villagers in his own parish church1 and for the same reason each had much to be thankful for4 ,it must be confessed that ,john the ,dwarf had more taste than his namesake of ,cupertino1 who not only ate nothing but vegetables1 but ate no vegetables that any other human being could be induced to swallow4 ,it was such garbage as only pigs would condescend to4 ,arcades ambo--nasty creatures both6 ,st4 ,francis of ,assisium exhibited something more of true humility at his table1 with a touch of the false metal notwithstanding4 ,he ate nothing dressed by fire1 unless he were very ill1 and even then he covered it with ashes1 or dipped it in cold water4 ,his common daily food was dry bread strewn with ashes2 but this founder of the ,friars' ,minors had the good sense not to condemn his followers to the rigorous diet he observed himself2 and 8,brother ,ass10 as he familiarly called that self1 was in his own opinion worthy of no better fare4 ,there was a founder of another community who exhibited more singularity than ,st4 ,francis1 who1 despite some mistakes1 was a man of whom none other dare speak but with respect1--,st4 ,ammon1 founder of the hermitages of ,nitria4 ,at the age of twenty-two this young ,egyptian noble married a fair girl of ,memphis2 and instead of a nuptial banquet1 he treated his bride to a reading of a particularly edifying chapter from ,st4 ,paul1 after which he withdrew to solitary meditation4 ,during eighteen years he occupied himself in training balsam-trees all day1 after which he returned home to a supper of fruit and herbs2 then came that terrible reiteration of advice from ,st4 ,paul1 followed by a separate solitary comment on the part of this exemplary pair4 ,at the end of the time above specified1 he retired altogether from domestic life1 and settled alone on ,mount ,nitria1 and his biographers navely remark1 this was 8with his wife's consent40 ,this saint was of such a 8complexion0 of virtue1 that one day1 on accidentally catching sight of an uncovered portion of his own body1 he was so shocked that he fainted away4 ,if he had only read 8,erasmus ,wilson1 on the ,skin10 he would have learned to look oftener at his own1 and would have been a cleaner man1 a better husband1 a more grateful feeder1 and an improved ,christian4 ,but ,st4 ,bruno1 the founder of the ,carthusians1 probably exceeded all other originators of communities in the 8fierceness10 so to speak1 of his dietetic laws2 he never spared himself1 nor his disciples4 ,a ,carthusian is never permitted to eat meat under any pretence whatever4 ,in addition to this1 they fast eight months in the year1 and ,i suppose they starve in ,lent1 for during that season they are forbidden to eat what is called 8white meats10 that is1 eggs1 milk1 butter1 and cheese4 ,dry bread with water is their ,lenten fare2 and a peculiar law connected with them is1 that they can never change into another order1 because they would thereby profit a little in the way of better living2 but a brother of any other order may become a ,carthusian1 as thereby he increases his mortifications and diminishes his diet4 ,of course from these remarks the ,carthusians of the 8,charterhouse0 are excepted4 ,if the thin spirit of ,st4 ,bruno ever scents the juicy viands that adorn the well-spread table there1 it probably melts into thin air by the very force of disgust or ghastly envy4 ,the table kept by ,st4 ,bridget1 when she married ,ulpho1 prince of ,nericia1 in ,sweden1 was a very modest one for so princely a pair1 but what was spared thereby was given to the poor4 ,bridget and ,ulpho1 she sweet sixteen1 he two years more1 read every evening the soothing chapter from ,st4 ,paul1 which formed the favourite study of ,st4 ,ammon and his wife2 but1 as it would appear1 with indifferent success4 8,they enrolled themselves10 say their various biographers1 8in the ,third ,order of ,st4 ,francis1 and lived in their own house as if it had been a regular and austere monastery40 ,the biographers immediately add without comment1--8,they afterwards had eight children3 four boys and four girls20 and as the same paragraph goes on to state that 8all these children were favoured with the blessings of divine grace10 it may be fairly concluded that a domestic observation of a monastic regularity and austerity1 is a course that will purchase blessings and olive-branches4 ,the case of ,st4 ,gomer and his wife1 the ,lady ,gwinmary1 may perhaps be cited as an exception4 ,but this ,gwinmary was an exacting lady at all times1 and when ,st4 ,gomer betook himself from her to live in the desert on bitterness and biscuits1 he fared as sumptuously and lived far more quietly than he had done at home4 ,he was one of the most placid of saints1 and it is a positive libel upon him for the ,french ,admiralty to have given his name to one of the most thundering steamers in the service4 ,its broadsides far more nearly resemble the tongue of ,gwinmary than the tones of ,gomer4 ,in charming contrast with this truculent ,gwinmary do we meet and greet the gentle ,st4 ,elizabeth of ,hungary4 ,the record of her good deeds would fill a volume1 but out of them ,i have only to select an exquisite table trait--to register which is also to eulogize it4 ,i do not allude to her habitual temperance1 to her dry bread and thimble-full of wine1 when she sat at meat with kings and queens1 her equals in birth2 nor to her small feasts with her two maids1 in the absence of her consort1 ,louis the ,landgrave2 but ,i allude--and listen1 ,o ye ,benedicts1 with grateful rapture--to the fact 8that the kitchen she kept out of her own private purse1 not to be the least charge to her husband40 ,if celibate priests1 who can hardly be supposed capable of appreciating such a fact1 canonized so rare a lady1 all married men who love banquets but dislike the butchers' bills1 will cry 8,well done60 and recommend their wives to read the instructive life of ,elizabeth of ,hungary4 ,who would expect to hear good of a ,borgia8--,st4 ,francis ,borgia was virtuous enough to save his family name from entire infamy4 ,of no other man or woman of his house could it be said that they gave up suppers1 in order to have more time for prayers4 ,it was not ,alexander ,,vi41 the papal glory of his house and the shame of mankind1 that would have been content with one meal a day1 and that meal--a mess of leeks1 or some pulse1 with a piece of bread1 and a cup of water4 ,at the same time1 ,francis ,borgia kept a table becoming a man of his rank1 for the gratification of his guests of high degree4 ,there1 while they ate their venison1 and quaffed their lachrym ,christi1 he nibbled his leeks1 and sipped his water1 8and conversed facetiously with them1 though at table his discourse generally turned on piety40 ,it was very like a ,borgia to make piety facetious1 but if fun in holiness be of the ingredients necessary to the making of a saint1 ,sidney ,smith has as good a right as ,borgia to be on the roll of the beati4 ,our reverend 8joker of jokes10 indeed1 would not have smiled at the cook who put wormwood instead of mint into his broth2 and ,i doubt if ,peter ,plimley ever thought of doing what ,francis ,borgia did1--namely1 chewing his pills1 and swallowing physic slowly1 as works of meritorious mortification1 bearing compound interest to the profit of the practitioner4 ,st4 ,wilfrid1 who taught the half-starved ,south ,saxons to catch the fish that swam at their feet1 and thereby live1 seems to me to have performed a far more meritorious work than if he had passed his life in gnawing leeks or masticating pills4 ,our native saint1 a good man at table1 was often better employed than ,st4 ,theresa1 who is so eulogized because when serving at table1 or carrying the dinner from the kitchen1 8she was often seen suddenly absorbed in ,god1 with the utensils or instruments of her business in her hands40 ,the hungry and expectant monks might have quoted against the rapt maid1 the assertion of the royal sage1 that there is a time to eat1 as well as to fast and pray4 ,but ,st4 ,theresa1 with all her good qualities1 was as obstinate as the ,polish saint ,hedwiga1 who not only abstained from meat till abstinence had nearly proved suicidal1 but who refused to save her life by eating any1 until the ,pope's legate had issued a very peremptory precept to that effect4 ,st4 ,peter of ,alcantara lost all taste by his nearly total-abstinence principle1 and when some one gave him warm water with vinegar in it1 he thought it was his usual dinner of bean broth6 ,that actively good saint1 ,charles ,borromeo1 was only wisely moderate4 8,his austerities were discreet10 is the phrase of one of his biographers2 and his abstemiousness made his health rather than marred it4 ,this was so well known1 that they who dieted themselves in order to recover or preserve health1 were said to have adopted the remedy of ,doctor ,borromeo4 ,st4 ,francis ,xavier had something of the discretion of ,charles ,borromeo1--and of the modesty too1 for he dressed his own dinners1 even when he was apostolic legate2 and that ,st4 ,clement of ,alexandria belonged to the same class of sagely temperate men1 is proved by his maintaining that a little wine taken at evening1 after the labours of the day1 was good for the body1 and cheering for the spirits4 ,so the sainted ,archbishop of ,york had no repugnance to a slice of roast goose1 for1 as he truly remarked1 so good a thing was not designed especially for sinners4 ,and this recalls to my mind a comment1 similar in spirit1 made by ,st4 ,thomas ,becket4 ,a monk once saw him eating the wing of a pheasant with much relish1 and the pharisaical fellow thereon affected to be scandalized1 saying that he thought ,thomas was more of a mortified man4 8,thou art but a ninny10 said the ,archbishop2 8knowest thou not that a man may be a glutton upon horse-beans2 while another may enjoy with refinement even the wing of a pheasant1 and have nature's aid to digest what ,heaven's bounty gave80 ,this was good sense in the ,archbishop1 who perhaps had been reading ,epicurus1 before he sat down to his repast4 ,however this may be1 it is certain that the philosopher in question says something very like what ,becket said to the friar4 8,is man10 he asks1 8made to disdain the gifts of nature8 ,is he placed on earth only to gather bitter fruits8 ,for whom then are the flowers that the gods strew at the feet of mortals8444 ,we please ,providence when we yield to the divers inclinations which ,providence suggests2 our duties have reference to ,his laws2 and our innocent desires are born of ,his inspirations40 99 99 99 99 99 ,there are few things more common in the ,lives of the ,saints1 than to find them1 after spare banquets of their own1 working penal miracles at the banquets of others4 ,st4 ,eloy was gifted with terrible power in this way1 and endless are the stories of revellers turned to stone by the might of his magic right arm4 ,other saints had equal power in turning the tables upon those who slighted them2 and ,i will take this opportunity of narrating one instance1 and will set my ,muse in slippers1 to detail what occurred at ,,the ,,bridal ,,and ,,banquet ,,of ,,ferques4 ,near the marble quarries of ,ferques1 adjacent to ,landrecthun le ,nord1 in the ,boulonnais1 may be seen a circular range of stones1 bearing a close resemblance in their shape1 though little in their magnitude1 to those at ,stonehenge2 as also to the ,devil's ,needles1 near ,boroughbridge1 and to the solitary block on the common at ,harrogate4 ,learned people recognise the stones at ,ferques by the appellation of the ,mallus1 a ,druidical name for an altar2 but the traditionary folks1 wiser in their generation1 acknowledge no other title for these remains of antiquity than ,neuches1 an old provincial word1 the corruption1 ,i suppose1 of ,noces1 and signifying a bridal1 including the banquet which followed it4 ,according to them1 the stones at ,ferques stand there as a testimony of divine vengeance1 inflicted on a fiddler and other individuals belonging to a wedding party who refused to kneel before the ,host1 as it was being borne along by a priest to a dying brother4 ,rabelais says1 that a well-disposed and sensible man believes all that he is told2 78,un homme de bien1 un homme de bon sens1 croit toujours ce qu'on lui dit1 et ce qu'il trouve par crit207 and argal1 as the logical grave-digger in ,hamlet has it1 this story of a bridal and banquet will be allowed to pass without question4 ,though around the bleak district there is not a grove ,that can boast of a shade1 e'en in summer1 for love1 ,nor a walk by the side of a murmuring stream1 ,where somnambulist lovers may talk as they dream2 ,nor a valley retir'd1 nor sweet mossy dell1 ,where young hearts that are aching1 their anguish may tell2 ,nor a wood where a maiden deserted may sigh1 ,or where youths1 stripp'd of hope1 may with decency die2-- ,though all it can boast be a desolate heath1 ,where 'twould puzzle young ,cupid to find him a wreath1-- ,yet e'en here the ,idalian has furnish'd full work ,for the hearts of the youths and the maidens of ,ferques4 ,of these there were two in the good days of old1 ,when the hard iron heel of the baron so bold ,ground those to the dust whom the mere chance of birth ,had deprived of the licence to lord it on earth4 ,the maid was as light and as shy as the fawn1 ,her eyes dark as night1 and her brow like the dawn2 ,and her lips1 twice as rich and as red as the rose1 ,were more warm than the sky at a summer eve's close2 ,while a music fell from them made only to bless2 ,and her shape--nay6 her shape ,i must leave you to guess4 ',twould require the power pictorial of ,burke1 ,to record how sublime was this beauty of ,ferques4 ,the swain was in manhood's first op'ning bloom1 ,in doublet1 slash'd hose1 martial bonnet1 and plume2 ,and he look'd1 as he walk'd 'neath the moon's silver light1 ,half hero1 half mortal2--half bourgeois1 half knight4 ,if upward he gazed into heaven's soft skies1 ,he saw nothing there half so soft as her eyes2 ,or1 at least1 the young lover thus gallantly swore1 ,as he ran the long roll of his soft nonsense o'er1 ,and mincingly walk'd by the damosel's side1-- ,the latter all fondness1 the former all pride2-- ,with one arm round the maiden1 one hand on his dirk1 ,irresistibly fine look'd this gallant of ,ferques4 ,these walkings1 these gazings1 the terrible sighing1 ,with death1 or at least earnest threat'nings of dying2 ,these sinkings of spirit1 these meltings away1 ,with the watchings by night and the dreamings by day1 ,what could such a mixture combustible bring1 ,but a state of incendiarism1 like ,swing8 ,when hearts are the haystack1 and ,love holds the torch1 ',tis odds but the haystack will soon get a scorch4 ,and what else could arise from those meetings at eve1 ,from those flaming assertions which maidens believe1 ,and those vows warmly breath'd #8'twixt the gloam and the murk1'#b ,but a bridal and banquet to gladden all ,ferques8 ,love's eddying current1 ,i say it in sooth1 ,ran1 for this young couple1 remarkably smooth2 ,for the fathers paternally look'd on each child1 ,while the mothers maternally wept as they smiled2 ,fraternally too a whole bevy of brothers ,look'd on the alliance as fondly as mothers2 ,and1 if the young bride had possess'd but a sister1 ,these lines would have told how she tenderly kiss'd her4 ,suffice it to say1 that there never was seen1 ,in valley1 dale1 hamlet1 on moorland or green1 ,an assembly so joyous as met at the kirk1 ,to view and to envy the lovers of ,ferques4 ,for1 the youthful1 the aged1 the ugly1 the fair1 ,the idle1 the busy1 grave and gay1 all were there4 ,maids with prayers on their lips1 for the weal of the bride1 ,some who long'd for her looks1 some for him by her side1 ,and1 though last1 yet most certain1 by no means the least1 ,stood his ,rev'rence1 who having been bid to the feast1 ,look'd as jocund and joyous1 and beaming with smiles1 ,as the fair ,cytherean1 when weaving her wiles4#c ,for where is the priest1 be he ,pagan1 ,hindoo1 ,yellow ,bonze from ,japan1 olive sage from ,loo ,choo1 ,a ,franciscan ,friar1 an opium-drench'd ,turk1 ,but loves a fair feast like this banquet at ,ferques8 ',twould be tedious to tell1 when the service was done1 ,how that of the gallants was warmly begun1 ,how1 like the old suitors in ,livy's old story1 ,by #8,cupiditate' 7his words7 #8et ,amore1'#d ,the hearts of the damsels they ruthlessly task'd1 ,and finally gain'd twice as much as they ask'd4 ,ah1 sigh not to think that in ,love's stricken field1 ,the maidens of ,ferques were so ready to yield2 ,for ,livy declares that no maid can withstand ,the wooer who comes with such arms in his hand4 ,they're pleasant to talk of1 but 'neath them doth lurk ,a peril not felt less at ,rome than at ,ferques4 ,the banquet was sped1 and the floor being clear'd1 ,terpsichore's summons distinctly was heard1 ,in the tuning ,cremona that squeak'd forth its call1 ,inviting all those light of foot to the ball4 ,lovely dance6 of thy charms how correct was the notion ,of her who the ,poetry1 called thee1 of ,motion6#e ,when ,beauty her features in smiles deigns to grace1 ,what are those same smiles but the dance of the face8 ,and when ,dancing and ,modesty happily meet1 ,what is ,dancing just then but the smiles of the feet8#f ,i'd defy e'en a hermit the summons to shirk1 ,ask'd a measure to tread by the beauties of ,ferques4 ,when moonlight had risen to silver the scene1 ,the party adjourn'd from the hall to the green1 ,and their laughter was shaking the stars in the sky1 ,when by chance1 on the heels of their mirth1 there pass'd by ,a ,franciscan from ,boulogne1 ,franciscanly shod1#g ,who ask'd them to kneel at the sight of their ,god1 ,whose presence mysterious he fully reveal'd4 ,but the fiddler1 he swore1 he'd be hang'd if he kneel'd1 ,and affirm'd--most irreverent charge 'gainst a monk-- ,that the bare-footed priest was decidedly drunk4 ,and the party applauded each quip and each quirk ,that fell from this vile ,paganini of ,ferques4 ,but1 oh1 wonder6 those ribalds their scoffs had scarce utter'd1 ,when1 at a low prayer by the ,cordelier mutter'd1 ,their laughter was heard to change into a moan1 ,as the priest transform'd each to a figure of stone4 ,there motionless still do the revellers stand1 ,misshapen1 as turn'd from their sculptor's rough hand2 ,save one1 who when moonlight pours down from above1 ,may be seen from the spot vainly trying to move4 ,some affirm 'tis the bridegroom aroused from his trance1 ,some declare 'tis the bride gliding forth to the dance4 ,but 'tis only the fiddler endeavouring to jerk ,his bow arm o'er the once magic fiddle of ,ferques4 ,,the ,,support ,,of ,,saints ,,of ,,later ,,days4 ,it may be seen from our last chapter1 that the bill of fare of those who dined in the desert was neither very long nor very varied4 ,it was otherwise with the better fed1 but perhaps not better-taught gentlemen of the church of later days4 ,thus1 for instance1 the ,cur of ,brequier kept a very different table from that of the lean ,amphitryons of the desert4 ,brillat ,savarin once called on the holy man just as he had dismissed the soup and beef from the table4 ,these were replaced by a leg of mutton la royale1 a fat capon1 and a splendid salad4 ,the hour was scarcely noon1 and the cur had sat down to this saint's fare alone4 ,he was not selfish1 however1 and he invited his guest to 8break bread0 with him1 but the guest1 a prince of 8gastronomers0 in his way1 declined1 and the cur1 like ,coriolanus1 did it all alone6 ,he finished the 8gigot0 to the ivory1 the capon to the bones1 and the salad to the polished bottom of the bowl4 ,a colossal cheese was then placed before him1 in which he made a breach of ninety degrees1 and having washed down all with a bottle of wine1 he1 like the ,irishman1 thanked ,god 8for that snack10 and betook himself to digestion and repose4 8,le pauvre homme60 ,the nuns were in no ways behind the priests4 ,madame d',arestrel1 lady ,abbess of the nuns of the ,visitation at ,belley1 7faustum nomen67 once told a secret to a visitor who feared she was going to expound a chapter from the ,prophets4 8,if you want a foretaste of ,paradise in the guise of good chocolate10 said she1 8be sure to make it over-night1 in an earthenware coffee-pot4 ,its standing still for a night concentrates it1 and gives it a velvety taste1 which is divine6 ,and ,heaven cannot be angry with us for this little luxury1 for is not ,heaven too divine80 ,how wide the distance between ,st4 ,paula1 widow1 and ,madame d',arestrel1 of the convent of the ,visitation6 ,i may add1 that if the ,visitandines made good chocolate1 the monks of the ,feuillants1 in ,paris1 were renowned for their ratafie4 ,but they too have superior authority for good living4 ,a dainty dish in ,italy is commonly called a 8mouthful for a cardinal40--un boccone di cardinali4 ,the canons took the tone from the cardinals4 ,when the ,french canon ,rollet became ill through excessive drinking1 his doctor interdicted all strong beverages1 and was not a little wroth1 on his next visit1 at finding the dignitary in bed indeed1 but at his bed-side a little table1 neatly laid out with bottles and glasses4 ,the canon met the threatened storm by gently remarking3--8,doctor1 when you forbade me drinking wine1 you did not wish to deprive me of the pleasure of looking at the bottle60 ,it was such canons who were the best customers of the nuns who distilled liqueurs1 and of the ,ursulines who manufactured the daintiest drops flavoured by the daintiest essences6 ,but in the ,archbishop of ,paris himself1 ,m4 de ,belley1 the clergy of ,france had example to which they might appeal as authority for indulging in good cheer4 ,the archiepiscopal face was wreathed in smiles at the sight of a good dinner4 ,the prelate lived to be a veteran among gastronomers1 and was1 in other respects1 not an unworthy archbishop4 ,but ,m4 de ,belley was at least a gentleman in his gastronomic propensities4 ,he was not1 like a ,russo-,greek 8,papa10 a brandy-bibber4 ,the ,russo-,greek priests sanctify drinking1 in the minds of the people1 by their evil example4 ,monsieur ,lverson ,le ,duc1 a ,french diplomatist in ,russia1 tells us that he knows of one parish in ,muscovy where the people lock up their pastor every ,saturday night1 in order that he may not be too muzzy for mass on the ,sunday4 ,they occasionally find him very drunk1 nevertheless1 when they have forgotten previously to examine beneath his robe1 under which the sinning sot sometimes smuggles his quart of ,cognac6 ,sir ,george ,simpson crossed the ,pacific in a ,russian vessel4 ,the chaplain had been sent in her to sea1 because he was always too drunk to officiate on land4 ,he was kept sober expressly for the hour of service on ,sundays1 but at other times1 he appears to have realized the verse in the old song of ,dibdin's1 wherein it is said that 8',tother day as our chaplain was preaching1 ,behind him ,i curiously slunk2 ,and while he our duty was teaching1 ,as how we should never get drunk1 ,i show'd him the stuff1 and he twigg'd it1 ,and it soon set his ,rev'rence agog4 ,and he swigg'd1 and ,nick swigg'd1 ,and ,ben swigg'd1 and ,dick swigg'd1 ,and we all of us swigg'd it1-- ,and we swore there was nothing like grog40 ,these examples1 however1 must be understood as occurring mostly1 if not exclusively1 among the lower classes of the clergy4 ,there was a time when 8the ,vicar and ,moses0 illustrated the sad doings of a similar class among ourselves4 ,the ,greek clergy in the ,south of ,europe present us with something no less curious of aspect4 ,the hall-kitchen of the ,greek ,patriarch1 at ,constantinople1 is crowded with inferior clergy1 who take their meals there1 and his ,all-,holiness himself is served with pipes and sweetmeats by nothing less than gentlemen in ,deacon's orders4 ,fancy our ,lord ,primate ringing his bell for cheroots for two6 and having them brought in on a silver tray by the ,curate of ,st4 ,margaret's6 ,the ,greek usages however are classical4 ,the stranger who dines with the ,patriarch has1 previous to falling to1 water poured over his hands as he holds them over a basin with a perforated cover1 and the napkins for drying them are as delicate as rose-leaves4 ,the guest reclines on a low couch1 in ancient fashion1 and his repast is placed on a low stool at his side4 ,the same custom exists in the convents1 but meat is seldom to be found there by a guest who arrives unexpectedly4 ,the monks themselves never eat it at all4 ,during half the year they have but one meal a day1 and that consists of vegetables and bread4 ,on the other days of the year they are permitted the more liberal1 but sufficiently eremitic fare of cheese1 eggs1 fish1 wine1 and milk2 but even on these gala days they are never allowed more than two meals4 ,poor fellows6 the majority of them pass their remarkably well-spent time1 when not at table1 in tilling the ground or teaching wonderful feats to very accomplished tom-cats6 ,a ,greek monk's idea of an ,englishman is that he is a plum-pudding eater4 ,and no wonder1 since the ,english are almost the exclusive purchasers of the currant-grapes which are cultivated all along the northern shores of the ,peloponnesus1 from ,patra to ,corinth4 ,as the ,chinese think that we take their tea that we may live1 so the ,greek monks conclude that we must buy their currants1 or die6 ,at the convent of ,vestizza1 the good fathers trouble their heads about nothing but the produce and price of their great staple crop4 ,if you ask how many brethren there are in the convent1 they will answer1 8,three hundred2 and what was the price of currants in ,england when you left80 ,inquire if their books be in good order1 and they will reply in the negative1 adding an assurance that they do their utmost to produce the best currants in the country4 ,and they will give you permission to see their church1 if you will only promise to recommend their dwarf grapes to the ,english merchants who are catering for plum-pudding eaters at home4 ,the grounds of other convents in the peninsula are famous for their nuts1 in the exportation of which the brethren drive no inconsiderable trade4 ,these worthy people are said to be a trifle more enlightened and a degree less slothful than they were some thirty years ago4 ,there was ample room and verge enough for improvement2 for at the period mentioned1 the ,greek priests resisted the introduction of the potato into the kitchen-garden1 for the very satisfactory reason that the pomme de terre was the very identical apple with which ,satan beguiled ,eve out of ,paradise6 ,yes1 these modern and orthodox saints very generally held that the devil tempted ,eve with an 8ash-leaf kidney60 ,if we cross over to ,abyssinia1 we shall find that the priests and orthodox people there keep as poor tables1 at least on fast-days1 as the ,greeks4 ,above eight months in the year are assigned by the ,abyssinian ,christians to abstinence6 ,on these occasions an ,abyssinian neither eats nor drinks till long after noon4 ,on festival days1 however1 they make up for their moderation by unrestrained excess4 ,mr4 ,mansfield ,perkyns1 a traveller who has given us the most recent account of life in ,abyssinia1 tells us that1 in honour of the festival of the ,elevation of the ,cross1 he gave an early breakfast to some dozen guests1 who were engaged to half-a-dozen other parties in the course of the same joyous day1 and that these guests whetted their appetite for later meals by consuming at breakfast a fine fat cow1 two large sheep1 and endless gallons of mead6 ,on these occasions the mead is pretty prolific of murder4 ,the guests get dreadfully drunk in honour of the day1 exactly as many highly civilized ,christian people in happy ,england do on the yearly recurrence of 8merry ,christmas40 ,indeed1 a feast of the ,elevation of the ,cross without plenty of quarrelling and bloodshed would be as dull as ,donnybrook fair now is without a row4 ,but the ,abyssinian ,christian is as clever in establishing a casus belli as a ,donnybrook ,romanist4 ,if the latter sees the fair is likely to end without a fight1 he simply takes off his hat1 draws a white line round it with chalk1 and declaring that he will break the head of the first man who denies that such white line is silver lace1 he has speedily abundance of active work before him4 ,so a pious ,abyssinian at an 8,elevation0 banquet1 if he finds things dull1 merely remarks to his dearest friend and next neighbour1 8,you are a good sort of man1 but you are not so handsome as ,i am60 and thereupon out fly the knives of the parties and their respective friends1 which they proceed to clean by plunging them into each other's ribs6 ,the people are brought up on a food likely to encourage such pugnacious propensities4 ,mr4 ,perkyns1 speaking of the slaughtering of oxen for the kitchen1 says3--8,almost before the death-struggle is over1 persons are ready to flay the carcase1 and pieces of the raw meat are cut off1 and served up before this operation is completed4 ,in fact1 as each part presents itself1 it is cut off and eaten while yet warm and quivering4 ,in this state it is considered1 and justly so1 to be very superior in taste to what it is when cold4 ,raw meat1 if kept a little time1 gets tough2 whereas1 if eaten fresh and warm1 it is far tenderer than the most tender joint that has been hung a week in ,england4 ,the taste is perhaps1 in imagination1 rather disagreeable at first1 but far otherwise when one gets accustomed to it2 and ,i can readily believe that raw meat would be preferred to cooked meat1 by a man who from childhood had been accustomed to it40 ,such fare1 ,i may observe1 may not be out of place at the table of a patriarch who lives in such a climate as that of ,abyssinia1 but we suspect that it would as much astonish a dinner party at an episcopal palace in ,england1 as ,mr4 ,perkyns himself would do were he to sit down to that dinner in his ordinary ,abyssinian fashion of--a bald head covered with butter6 ,i have spoken in another chapter of a ,brahmin who stuffed himself with sweetmeats until he was nearly suffocated1 and who exclaimed1 on being recommended to swallow a little water1 that if he had had room for water he would have swallowed more sweetmeats6 ,it is but justice1 however1 to these saintly gentlemen to confess that they can fast when there is anything to be gained by it4 ,among the ,mahrattas1 when a fast man attempts to cheat his creditors1 a ,brahmin is hired to sit the dhurna1 and this is the process--a process1 by the way1 which ,monsieur ,dimanche tried on ,don ,juan1 but unsuccessfully4 ,the ,brahmin goes to the house or tent of the debtor1 sometimes attended by numerous followers1 and he announces the dhurna1 by which the debtor must not eat until he has discharged his liabilities4 ,the clerical bailiff sits at his side and is bound to fast also1 until the matter is arranged4 ,he who holds out longest wins the day1 and if the debtor be famished he will pay rather than die outright1 for eat he dare not until his creditor be satisfied2 besides1 if he were to starve the ,brahmin to death1 the crime would be so heinous1 that the debtor himself had better have departed to the world of shadows4 ,it ensues that sitting dhurna is more successful in certain districts than it would be in ,belgravia1 even though the ,archbishop of ,canterbury himself were to take his seat in the middle of the square1 with a declaration that he would neither move nor eat until every inhabitant in the parish had paid his ,christmas bills4 ,poor man6 he would have to sit as long as infelix ,theseus4 ,the saints of our puritan days were great favourers of public fasts2 but these fasts were less numerous after they had consolidated their power1 than before4 8,in the beginning of the wars10 says ,foulis1 in his 8,history of the wicked ,plots of the pretended ,saints10 8a public monthly fast was appointed for the last ,wednesday of every month1 but no sooner had they got the king upon the scaffold1 and the nation fully secured to the ,rump interest1 but they thought it needless to abuse and gall the people with a multitude of prayers and sermons10 and so1 by a particular act of their worships 7,april #bc1 #afdi71 nulled the proclamation for the observation of the former2 all which verifieth the old verses3-- 8#8,the devil was sick1 the devil a monk would be4 ,the devil was well1 the devil a monk was he4'0 ,george ,fox1 the father of the ,quakers1 remarks in his ,journal1 of the ,puritans and their fasts3--8,both in the time of the ,long ,parliament1 and of the ,protector1 so called1 and of the ,committee of ,safety1 when they proclaimed fasts1 they were commonly like ,jezebels1 and there was some mischief to be done40 ,taylor1 the ,water-poet1 compares their fasts to hidden feasts4 8,they were like the holy maid10 he says1 8that enjoined herself to abstain four days from any meat whatsoever2 and being locked close up in a room1 she had nothing but her two books to feed upon2 but the two books were two painted boxes1 made in the form of great ,bibles1 with clasps and bosses1 the inside not having one word of ,god in them2 but the one was filled with sweetmeats1 the other with wine2 upon which this devout votary did fast with zealous meditation1 eating up the contents of one book1 and drinking as contentedly the other40 ,dr4 ,south1 in his ,sermons1 is equally severe4 ,he observes that 8their fasts usually lasted from seven in the morning till seven at night2 the pulpit was always the emptiest thing in the church2 and there never was such a fast kept by them1 but their hearers had cause to begin a thanksgiving as soon as they had done40 ,butler1 in his ,hudibras1 hints that the work of fasting was to be accounted to the faster1 righteousness3-- 8,for 'tis not now who's stout and bold1 ,but who bears hunger best1 and cold4 ,and he's approved the most deserving1 ,who longest can hold out at starving40 ,the fasting of the civilians1 however1 was made to turn to the benefit of the military gentlemen2 and1 in ,march1 #afdd1 an ordinance was passed for the contribution of one meal a week towards the charge of the army4 ,there was by far a more considerable liberality of spirit among some of the clergy of the time of ,louis ,,xiv4 than in the ,puritan authorities1 inasmuch as they permitted others to follow clerical example rather than precept4 ,the celebrated preacher1 ,father ,feuillot1 for instance1 stood by while 8,monsieur0 was enjoying an uncanonical collation in the middle of ,lent4 ,his ,highness held up a macaron1 and remarked1 8,this is not breaking fast1 is it80 8,nay10 said ,feuillot1 8you may eat a calf1 if you will only act like a ,christian40 ,i am afraid that we had not improved at home1 in the last century4 ,on one of the fasts of that period1 ,walpole comments after his usual gay fashion4 8,between the ,french and the earthquakes10 he says1 in #agef1 8you have no notion how good we are grown2 nobody makes a suit of clothes now but of sackcloth1 turned up with ashes4 ,the fast was kept so devoutly1 that ,dick ,edgecumbe1 finding a very lean hazard at ,white's1 said with a sigh1 #8,lord6 how the times are degenerated6 ,formerly1 a fast would have brought everybody hither2 now it keeps everybody away6' ,a few nights before1 two men were walking up the ,strand1 one said to t'other1 #8,look how red the sky is6 ,well1 thank ,god1 there is to be no masquerade6'0 ,an ex-,capuchin has revealed some of the mysteries of the house of which he was lately a member1 and by this it would appear that the ,friars of the nineteenth century are as little for slender diet as the fine gentlemen of the eighteenth4 8,these ,capuchins10 he says1 8of squalid appearance1 clothed in serge1 with shaven heads and bare feet1 presenting the very type of humility and self-renunciation1 enjoy the luxuries of life with a prodigality unknown to you4 ,the poor friars have1 with one exception1 no enjoyment of the things of this world1 their only worldly comfort is good cheer4 ,the friars have three carnivals in the year1 of two or three weeks' duration each4 ,these are the only periods at which they can recruit their wasted strength1 to enable them to resist the mortifications of the rest of the year4 ,during these few weeks they have seven courses served at dinner1 all substantial and choice dishes1 the most dainty morsels that can be provided4 ,at supper they have five courses4 ,by that hour1 in spite of their plentiful dinner1 they have regained their appetites2 and their digestion is again most active4 ,these courses are as substantial as those of the dinner1 and are despatched with equal facility by these men of iron frame and tranquil conscience4444 ,lent is arrived6 ,well1 you must fast1 you must mortify the flesh1 but you must not die of inanition4 ,a good table is necessary1 or you will suffer too much from contrast with the past few weeks4 ,you need double the supply that the secular orders do when they fast1 for your digestion is twice as active as theirs4 ,supper is now a sadly scanty meal2 it consists simply of fish1 bread1 wine1 and fruit4 ,a miserable dish6 not miserable as to quantity or quality1 but because it is the solitary dish during the forty days of ,lent1 always excepting bread and wine ad libitum4 ,fortunately1 the friars are wise and provident2 the slender supper is foreseen and provided against at dinner1 which consists of four dishes4 ,the bottle of good wine is valuable now1 or they would be overcome with weakness40 ,such is the testimony of a living witness1 who pledges his reputation for the truth of his depositions4 ,i do not know that there is much that is exaggerated in this1 for from ,m4 ,saurin we hear that1 in ,france1 well-to-do priests mortify the flesh on maigre days by very pretty eating4 ,the bill of fare of these saintly men has been known to include soup au coulis d'crevisse1 salmon trout1 an omelette au ,thon1 that would have called a dead gastronome to life2 a salad1 the very smell of which seemed to give eternal youth2 ,semonal cheese1 fruit1 confectionary1 a light wine1 and a cup of coffee4 ,by such self-denial is heaven gained by modern saints1 in orders2 having fair fortunes1 and looks with the same characteristic4 ,the ,dominicans of ,italy are in no degree behind their brethren in ,france4 ,the 8late prior and visitor of the order10 who recently published his dealings with the ,inquisition1 thus describes his ancient brethren4 8,they do nothing10 he says1 8which they are bound to do by their rules1 if these are opposed to their inclinations4 ,they profess never to eat meat in the refectory1 or room for their common meals2 but there is another room near it1 which they call by another name1 where they eat meat constantly4 ,on ,good ,friday1 they are commanded by their rules to eat bread and drink water4 ,at the dinner hour they all go together into the refectory1 to eat bread and drink water1 but having done so for the sake of appearance1 they go one after another into another room1 where a good dinner is prepared for them all4 ,i do not blame them for enjoying it2 but ,i blame them for feigning an abstinence which none of them intend to keep40 ,these ,dominicans1 honest fellows6 are more hungry than the gods of the old rgime of whom it is said1-- 8,the ,gods require the thighs ,of beeves for sacrifice2 ,which roasted1 we the steam ,must sacrifice to them1 ,who1 though they do not eat1 ,yet love the smell of meat40 ,but our poor friend the monk has witnesses in his favour1 as well as opposed to him4 ,some men call him a living mummy swathed in faith4 ,another says he is 8a moral gladiator who wrestles with his passions1 and either stifles them or is devoured by them40 ,a third1 describes him picturesquely as a sea-worthy vessel moored in a stagnant dock2 and a fourth dismisses him contemptuously as a coward who won't fight4 ,even allowing him to be all these1 it does not follow that he is to be deprived of his dinner4 ,if he pays homage with his body to the saints1 he has earned what has been called the mind's daily homage to the body4 ,dinner should be the peculiar privilege of the monk1 for it is as he is1 in some sense1 8the open friend of poverty1 the secret foe of riches0 and if dinner be 8the breakfast of the poor and the supper of the rich10 it is doubly due to the monk1 who can claim it by either title4 ,and it must not be supposed that they do not know how to enjoy pleasure like sensible men4 ,the ,abb of ,st4 ,sulpice1 a ,bernardine monastery in the south of ,france1 once invited a party of merry and musical gentlemen from the neighbouring town to come up to the monastery1 and give the monks a treat of good music on the fte day of their patron saint4 ,a joyous company ascended at early dawn to the monastery2 the most remarkable incident connected with which is1 that it is seated at the edge of a pine forest1 from which a hurricane swept down1 in one night1 thirty-seven thousand trees4 ,the visitors were received by the cellarer1 the abb not being yet risen1 who conducted them to the refectory1 where they found awaiting them a pt as big as a church2 flanked on the north by a quarter of cold veal2 on the south by a monster ham2 on the east by a monumental pile of butter2 and on the west by a bushel of artichokes la poivrade4 ,all the necessary adjuncts were at hand2 and among others1 a party of lay brethren ready to wait upon the visitors1 and very much astonished to find themselves out of bed at so early an hour4 ,an array of a hundred bottles of wine bespoke the fathers' idea of good cheer2 and the cellarer1 having bidden them fall-to and welcome1 deplored his inability to join them1 not having yet said mass1--and he then took his leave to go and sing 8matins40 ,the breakfast was done ample justice to2 after which the visitors retired to take a short repose1 subsequently repairing to the church1 where they performed a musical service with the usual zeal and energy of amateurs1 and received modestly the showers of thanks that descended upon them in return4 ,monks and musicians then sat down to a dinner1--ample1 admirably cooked1 excellently served1 and thoroughly enjoyed4 ,the abundance that marked it may be judged of by the fact1 that at the second course there were not less than fifteen dishes of roasted meats4 ,the dessert would have made the eyes of a queen sparkle2 the liqueurs were choice1 and the coffee redolent of ,araby the ,blest4 ,the enjoyment was long and perfect2 and by the end of the repast1 there was not man or monk present who was not in charity with all the world4 ,the 8pious1 glorious1 and immortal memory0 of ,st4 ,bernard was not forgotten among the toasts4 ,and then came vespers and more amateur music1--probably more vigorously performed than in the morning4 ,and after vespers there was a division of pleasures3 some took to quiet games at cards1 some chose a ramble in the wood1 and a few looked in again upon their friend the cellarer4 ,as night came on1 all again drew together1 but the discreet abbot retired1 willing to allow the brethren full liberty on a festival which only came 8once a year40 ,and to do the brothers justice1 they began to make a night of it as soon as the superior had disappeared4 ,jokes and laughter and winged words flew about like wildfire1 and the exercise got thereby sharpened the general appetite for supper1--a repast which was discussed with a vivacity as if the guests had been fasting up to that very hour4 ,wit and wine1 and wisdom and folly1 were all mingled together2 and the oldest of the fathers present1 with a flush on the cheek and a light in the eye1 joined chorus in table songs that were not sung to the tune of ,nunc dimittis4 ,it was when the fun was flying most fast and furious1 that a voice exclaimed1 8,brother cellarer1 where is your official dish80 8,true60 answered that reverend individual2 8,i am not cellarer for nothing20--and therewith he disappeared1 but speedily returned accompanied by three servitors1 bearing piles of buttered toast and bowls of what worldly men would have called 8punch40 ,if the fun had waxed fast before1 it grew fiery now1 and fervour for the patron saint glowed at the very fiercest heat that punch could give it4 ,in the midst of it all1 the hour of midnight was solemnly tolled out by the convent bell1 and the revellers1 reverend and laic1 swang merrily to bed1 satisfied with the day well spent in honour of ,st4 ,bernard4 ,i have now spoken of the ,dominicans1 ,capuchins1 and ,bernardins4 ,the ,franciscans are a not less lively fraternity4 ,when the author of ,ethen was at the ,franciscan ,monastery in ,damascus1 he asked one of the monks to tell what places were best worth seeing1 in reference to their association with ,st4 ,paul4 8,there is nothing in all ,damascus10 said the good man1 8half so well worth seeing as our cellars20 and forthwith he invited the stranger to 8go and admire the long range of liquid treasures that he and his brethren had laid up for themselves upon earth40 ,and1 adds the author1 8these ,i soon found were not as the treasures of the miser1 that lie in unprofitable disuse2 for day by day1 and hour by hour1 the golden juice ascended from the dark recesses of the cellar to the uppermost brains of the friars1 dear old fellows6 ,in the midst of that solemn land1 their ,christian laughter rang loudly and merrily4 ,their eyes kept flashing with joyous bonfires1 and their heavy woollen petticoats could no more weigh down the springiness of their paces1 than the filmy gauze of a danseuse can cloy her bounding step40 ,richard the ,first1 as worthless a human being as ever lived1 bankrupt in every virtue save that of brute courage1 in making legacy of his vices1 said he would bequeath gluttony to the priests4 ,it was rather a compliment than otherwise1 for the inference was1 that they lacked what he was willing to surrender1 when he could no longer enjoy it4 ,st4 ,augustin settled this vexed question as to what was 8good living10 when he said1 that 8the great fast was abstinence from vice40 ,and in the true spirit of ,st4 ,augustin's prose1 rings the rich rhyme in ,herrick's ,noble ,numbers4 8,is this10 he says1 8,is this a fast1 to keep ,the larder leane ,and cleane ,from fat of veales and sheep8 8,is it to quit the dish ,of flesh1 yet still ,to fill ,the platter high with fish8 8,is it to faste an houre8 ,or ragged to go1 ,or show ,a downcast look1 and soure8 8,no2 'tis a fast1 to dole ,thy sheaf of wheat1 ,and meat1 ,unto the hungry soule4 8,it is to fast from strife1 ,from old debate1 ,and hate2 ,to circumcise thy life4 8,to show a heart grief-rent1 ,to starve thy sin1 ,not bin3 ,and that's to keep thy ,lent40 ,this is better philosophy than that given on a similar subject by ,montesquieu1 who only recommends moderation on the ground that it lengthens the term of enjoyment4 8,i call moderation10 says ,pythagoras1 8all that does not engender pain20 and by this maxim of the ,hellenized ,hindoo1 ,buddha ,ghooros1 the saints both of the desert and the dining-room may1 perhaps1 in their several ways be condemned4 ,in treating of the diet of more modern saints than those of the days of martyrdom1 ,i might have noticed the fact1 that in not very remote times1 the parsonage-house at ,langdale1 in ,westmoreland1 was licensed as an ale-house1 the living being too poor to allow the incumbent to make anything like one upon it for himself4 ,the ale-cask became to the priest1 what the fruit of the amrite tree was to the ,tibetians--the spring of life4 ,this ,westmoreland ale was accounted a great strengthener1 but so have many less likely things4 ,but enough of the 8saints10 good men and true the majority of them1 earning their right to enjoy the rich blessings of ,god1 by fairer means1 perhaps1 than many of their censurers4 ,i know no set of men so well to contrast with the saints1 as the 8,csars10 and we have yet time before supper to attend that august company to table4 ,,the ,c,,sars ,,at ,,table4 ,it is a well-ascertained truth1 that the ,csars at table by no means generally conducted themselves as though they were under the influence of a ,roman ,chesterfield1 as regarded their behaviour2 or a ,roman ,abernethy1 as regarded their moderation4 ,perhaps the great ,julius was as much of a gentleman in both the above respects as any of his imperial successors2 and even he could reform the calendar with far more ease than he could reform himself4 ,when he was commanding in the ,roman provinces1 beyond the ,italian frontier1 he kept two distinct tables4 ,at one sat his inferior officers and the ,greeks who were in his service4 ,the latter do not appear to have expressed any discontent at not ranking with their ,roman comrades4 ,at the other table sat none but ,romans of high state1 with such native guests of quality as ,csar chose to invite to meet them4 ,he would watch his servants as sharply as he did the enemy2 and on one occasion1 having observed that his baker had put down to his guests a coarser bread than that which he had served to ,csar1 he sent the knave to prison1 there to learn better manners4 ,csar was as sober as ,sir ,charles ,napier1 who used to sign himself 8,governor of ,scinde1 because ,i was always a sober man40 ,cato said of ,julius1 that he was the only sober man who had ever attempted to subvert a government2 8a cutting sarcasm on all preceding patriots40 ,as for sauces1 the ,duke of ,wellington did not inspire ,francatelli with more despair upon that head1 than ,csar did his cook4 ,it was immaterial to him whether he had sauce to his meat1 or not2 and as to the quality1 he never concerned himself about it4 ,he ate1 thankfully perhaps1 but thoughtlessly1 certainly4 ,his politeness was sometimes ridiculously excessive1 as when he ate up the ointment which had been served instead of sauce1 at a table where he was a guest1 and where he was courteously resolved to find everything excellent4 ,but although the great ,julius was1 according to ,cato1 the only man who came sober to the subversion of his country1 he had some unsoberly habits about him4 ,thus1 when invited to a feast1 he used to whet his appetite by taking an emetic4 ,this is attested by ,cicero1 who says1 in his letters to ,atticus1 7lib4 xiii4 p4 #eb17 8,unctus est2 accubuit2 agebat4 ,itaque edit et bibit et jucunde40 ,suetonius agrees with ,cato1 that ,csar was moderate with regard to wine3--8,vini parcissimum ne quidem inimici negaverunt40 ,it is singular that a man who cared so little as he was reported to have done for his stomach1 should have cared so much about the outside of his head4 ,he could eat pomatum1 and yet be ashamed of the baldness which a proper application of the unguent might perhaps have cured4 ,augustus ,csar1 who visited prisoners1 like ,howard1 and cut off heads like an ,algerine ,dey1 was moderate in his cups1 and endeavoured to make the people so4 ,when the latter once complained that wine was not only dear1 but scarce1 he gravely proclaimed that his son-in-law ,agrippa had been looking to the aqueducts1 and there was no fear of any one dying of thirst4 ,there were seasons1 however1 when he could be more than imperially extravagant4 ,witness the little supper he gave to chosen guests1 all of whom attended in the attire of gods and goddesses2 and at which feast he presided in the character of ,apollo4 ,the wits of the day1 who were not invited1 denounced this supper as an orgy at which decent people would not have been present1 even if asked4 ,such stupendous iniquity was said there to have been enacted1 that the real gods who had at first looked laughingly down from ,olympus1 withdrew one by one behind their respective clouds4 ,even ,jove himself1 who sat gazing longest1 at length hurried away from the sight of men1 who were greater beasts than the privileged gods6 ,like some of the extravagant and unclean banquets at ,versailles1 this entertainment was given when there was a famine in the city4 ,on the following day1 the people exclaimed in the streets1 8,it is the gods who have devoured the food40 ,the less fearful than these raised an altar to ,augustus ,phbus1 and there paid mock worship to the ,emperor1 under the title of ,apollo the ,tormentor4 ,it was not every one that deemed himself entitled1 that could find access to the table of ,csar ,augustus4 ,he was extremely nice with regard to his associates1 but he was not so nice with respect to keeping his guests waiting for his company4 ,it was the maxim of ,sir ,joshua ,reynolds1 that it was far less courteous on principle to allow hungry guests to be kept from table out of respect to one man1 than it was to go to dinner without him4 ,so also ,augustus thought that the many should not be made to wait for one2 and1 accordingly1 he frequently did not appear at table till the repast was half over2 and sometimes departed even then1 after tasting of from three to half-a-dozen dishes1 before it was concluded4 ,he was dignified and condescending1 enjoyed the jokes of those who were bold enough to make them1 and encouraged the reserved to be bold and jocund too4 ,when jests lacked from either of those parties1 the master of the ,roman world then laughed1 as he sipped his moderate draught1 at the quips and cranks of the hired jesters1 whose office it was to be cheerful when the guests grew dull4 ,it has come down to us that he was a lover of brown bread1 small fish1 green cheese and green figs4 ,he was so far intemperate that he would never let his appetite tarry till meal-time4 ,he ate when he was hungry1 and perhaps he was right4 ,and yet it was but an unedifying sight to see him passing in his chariot through the public streets1 returning the greetings of the people with one hand full of bread1 the other full of dates1 and his almost sacred mouth full of both4 ,he was1 in fact1 wayward in his attentions to his appetite1 and would occasionally fast till sunset if the caprice took him4 ,as to what is said of him that he sometimes rose from the most sumptuous banquets1 leaving the viands untouched1--this was perhaps because the edge of his appetite had been altogether destroyed by brown bread and indigestible fruit4 ,in the day-time he quenched his thirst by eating of bread dipped in water1 by drinking water itself1 or by taking a slice of cucumber1 lettuce1 or unripe apple4 ,his moderation in drinking1 when he did take up the goblet at the evening repast1 is much spoken of1 but as we hear more of the quantity than of the strength of what he drank1 it is difficult to decide upon this point4 ,suetonius admiringly records that 8he never exceeded a quart for his share1 or if he did1 he was sure to throw it up again40 ,this is but equivocal praise after all4 ,he was a very great man1 no doubt1 but1 demi-god as he almost was1 he spelt after the 8cacological0 fashion of ,lord ,duberly2 and he was more afraid of lying awake in the dark than any little baron or squire in the nurseries of ,belgravia and the adjacent squares4 ,tiberius1 like his predecessor1 treated his soldiers occasionally like schoolboys1 and when they displeased him1 he used to put them on a regimen of barley4 ,tiberius himself was not a profuse eater2 he was rather moderate than otherwise1 and when gastronomic extravagancy had reached a high pitch in ,rome1 he used to dine in public1 like the kings of ,france1 but1 unlike them1 upon cold meat1 as a reproof to the luxury of the times4 ,he was not1 however1 at all moderate in his cups1 and the ,roman wits1 who1 like those of ,paris1 used to make merry epigrams on the worst of their woes1 punningly transformed his names of ,tiberius ,claudius ,nero1 into ,biberius ,caldius ,mero4 ,he had a reverence too for great draughts1 and he once raised a common fellow to the office of qustor1 simply because he could drink off a measure of three pints of wine without drawing breath4 ,most of the ,csars must have been very unsatisfactory people to dine with1 but none more so than ,tiberius1 who loved discussion1 but if he found himself worsted in it1 he invariably ordered his opponent to retire--and commit suicide4 ,a hot bath and a vein or two opened soon disposed of an inconvenient adversary4 ,he used to puzzle his guests with all sorts of strange questions1 such as would puzzle even the editor of ,notes and ,queries to answer4 ,one of these interrogatory puzzles was 8the name of the song chanted by the ,syrens40 ,he would not speak the fashionable ,greek at table1 but conversed in ,latin2 and his favourite feat at dessert was to run his forefinger through a hard green apple4 ,caligula must have been a most unpleasant person to dine with4 ,he entertained himself and his guests with the sight of men tortured on the rack1 and he got up little private executions on those occasions to enliven the scene4 ,we read of ,her ,majesty's private concerts1 and how 8,mrs4 ,anderson0 presided at the piano4 ,but the ,romans only heard of their ,emperor's killing fun to frighten his guests with1 and how his ,divinity's private headsman1 ,niger ,barbatus1 performed1 as usual1 with his well-known dexterity4 ,his frolics were really of a frightful character4 ,it was after a banquet1 when the capital jest of slaying had failed to make him as merry as usual1 that he rushed to the sacrificial altar1 attired in the dress of a victim-killer1 that is1 with a linen apron for his sole costume4 ,he seized the mallet as though he were about to slay the appointed victim1 but he turned suddenly round on the resident official and butchered him instead4 ,and thereat1 all who had witnessed the frolicsome deed of their master1 declared that 8',fore ,jove1 'twas a more capital joke than the last60 ,his answer to the ,consuls who ventured to ask the cause of a sudden burst of laughter in which he indulged at a crowded feast1 is well known2 8,i laugh to think10 said the amiable creature1 8that with one wave of my hand ,i can sweep all your stupid heads off60 ,his method of loving was equally characteristic4 ,he would fling his terrible arm round the fair neck he professed to admire1 and express his delight that he could cut it off when he pleased4 ,there was the brilliant ,cesonia2 8,i cannot tell10 said her imperial lover at a feast1 8why it is that ,i am so fond of that girl4 ,i'll have her put on the rack for a quarter of an hour1 that she may be compelled to tell me the reason40 ,blue ,beard was the mildest of ,quaker gentlemen compared with this ,caligula4 ,a lady might as well have been wooed by a boa constrictor4 ,claudius ,csar has hardly had justice done him1 as regards his general character1 but as my office is only to show how he looked at table1 ,i must be satisfied with making the remark1 and pass on to ,csar at meat4 ,he was no hero1 undoubtedly1 for he contemplated suicide1 for no better reason than having a pain in his stomach after a repast4 ,in this1 however1 he did not show less courage than ,zeno1 the father of the ,stoics1 who having bruised his finger by a fall1 went home and hung himself4 ,he was largely hospitable1 and sometimes entertained six hundred guests at a time4 ,he liked on these occasions to see his own children and those of the nobility seated1 according to the ancient fashion1 at the lower end of the table4 ,it is to be hoped that they were out of ear-shot of what was being said at the upper end4 ,the jokes were sometimes pleasant enough in their way4 ,thus a ,roman nobleman having carried home with him a gold plate from the imperial table1 was gently reminded of his theft when1 on the next occasion of dining with ,claudius1 he saw a reproachfully vulgar earthenware platter put down before him4 ,he was a man of infinite capacity1 was the divine ,claudius1--that is1 in gastronomic matters4 ,he was ever ready to devour1 and always did so greedily4 ,he has been known to have suddenly jumped down from his seat in the forum1 allured by the smell of roast meat issuing from the priest's table1 in the adjacent temple of ,mars4 ,and he would sit down with the reverend gentleman1 without waiting for an invitation4 ,it must have surely made the common-place spectators of the feat broadly smile1 just as if the twelve judges in ,westminster ,hall were to leap from their benches1 and racing across the churchyard1 pour into the first house in the cloisters where the dinner-bell was ringing loudest1 and the prandial odour was most savoury4 ,he ate like ,baal1 and drank like the beast in ,fortunatus4 ,he did both to repletion2 but his attendants would then tickle his throat with a feather1 and so1 by exonerating his stomach1 enable the imperial animal to eat and drink again4 ,he contemplated making a decree for the benefit of guests at table1 which was of a ,rabelaisian indelicacy1 and which probably never presented itself to the minds of any other men but ,claudius and the ,cur of ,meudon4 ,caligula had more affection for his horse than for anything human4 ,he fed him on gilded oats1 and the animal was not a more beastly consul than many who were appointed to that high office4 ,the emperor's dinner parties must have presented a strange aspect1 when the obsequious senators stood1 napkin in hand1 to wait upon the guests4 ,fancy the peers of all politics1 and the commons of every shade of opinion1 all ranged behind the dinner-table at ,windsor ,castle1 in the professional uniform of dingy white waistcoats and napless black coats1 with their thumbs duly doubled up in napkins1 and all offering anxious service1 and 8dindon la daube0 to our ,sovereign ,lady and her guests1--fancy this1 ,i say1 and you will have the very remotest idea possible of what the sight was like when the senators changed the plates of ,csar4 ,the personages and their qualities are all different1 but the strangeness of one spectacle could only be matched by that of the other4 ,nero 7who found sport in sitting in an upper gallery at the theatre1 and flinging down nuts upon the bald head of the prtor below7 was a very common-place individual at table1 but he assembled guests about him who were ever ready to consume his good things and applaud his good sayings4 ,galba1 his successor1 was at once gouty and gluttonous4 ,he commenced eating at early dawn1 and darkness came over him still with appetite unsatiated4 ,he was as mean1 however1 as he was voracious4 ,he did once so far whip up his liberal spirit as to compel himself to give a dinner party2 but when he read the bill of fare1 he fairly burst into tears at the idea of the extravagance and the expense4 ,and yet the most costly dish he could reprovingly point to1 when his steward challenged him1 was a dish of boiled peas2--but perhaps they were out of season1 and ,galba knew he should be asked for them at least a guinea a quart6 ,he would never have been guilty of the prodigality of the ,emperor ,otho1 who daily wasted more bread and milk in making cosmetic poultices to lay on his own face than would have served to keep body and soul together in half-a-dozen families4 ,the father of ,vitellius more gallantly1 when he wished to look well at the centre of his table1 was wont to besmear himself with a mixture made up of honey and his mistress's saliva4 ,he of course deemed it impossible to say which was the sweeter of the two ingredients4 ,this was even worse than ,galba1 who was1 however1 essentially greedy2 the latter emperor could not eat with pleasure unless he had more before him than he could digest4 ,when his stomach cried1 8,hold1 enough60 he used it as the ,somersetshire lad did his4 8,ah60 exclaimed the lad of ,wincanton1 to certain monitions1--8ye may ake1 but1 'vor ,i ha' done1 ,i'll make ye ake worser40 ,galba1 when no longer able to eat1 lay and gazed at what he hoped to attack more successfully after digestion had been accomplished4 ,otho is remembered as being the complaisant gentleman who1 when ,nero had determined to murder his mother1 gave an exquisite little supper to both parties by way of a pleasant preliminary4 ,but ,otho could at least behave with outward decency1 and of this ,vitellius was incapable4 ,if he walked through the market-place1 he snatched the meat roasting at the cooks' stalls1 and greedily devoured it4 ,he was not more reverent even in the temple2 where1 taking advantage of his vicinity to the altar1 he would sweep the latter of the barley that was on it1 consecrated to the god1 and swallow the same1 like the sacrilegious heathen that he was4 ,when about to fly from the enemies who had overturned his throne1 he selected only his cook and his butler to be the companions of his flight1 and he took the former dear associate with him1 in his own covered chair4 ,the chief table trait which ,i can call to mind as connected with ,vespasian is1 that once a month he went without dinner for a day4 ,such an observance1 he said1 saved at once his health and his purse4 ,he had so much the less to pay to his purveyor2 and in consequence of the fast1 less also perhaps than if he had feasted1 to his physician4 ,both the sons of ,vespasian1 ,titus and ,domitian1 were modest at the banquet4 ,the former had ceased to be a free liver before he put on the imperial mantle2 and as for ,domitian1 he could wash down his ,malian apple with a draught of water1 and then address himself to sleep1 as though he were a virtuous anchorite1 and not the most thirsty drinker of human blood that ever disgraced his race4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the five succeeding emperors1--,nerva1 ,trajan1 ,hadrian1 and the two ,antonines1--,antoninus ,pius1 and ,marcus ,aurelius1--governed the world during the eighty years which are said1 but questionably ,i think1 to have been the happiest years of the human race4 ,there is little on record as to how these potentates disported themselves at table4 ,trajan1 indeed1 is known to have been a fearful drinker2 but he loved a quiet1 unceremonious dinner at the house of a friend of modest degree1--for there he tippled and talked to his heart's content1 and willingly forgot that he was ,csar4 ,hadrian is remembered as the first ,roman emperor who wore a beard4 ,he had warts on his throat1 and he did not like that these should be seen by his guests at table4 ,he once gave an entertainment which cost upwards of two millions sterling1 7when ,verus was made ,csar17 and he was sorry for it through the remainder of his life4 ,many a man of far humbler degree has committed the same kind of extravagance1 and experienced the same enduring repentance4 ,antoninus kept the table of a country gentleman2 and ,marcus ,aurelius dined alone1 while ,commodus1 his son1 played at his knee4 ,the board of that son resembled that of ,vitellius1 and he fell from it one day1 full of drugged wine administered to him by a concubine1 and was strangled as he lay beneath the table1 drunk1 and deserving of his fate4 ,the modest ,pertinax was less happy as emperor than when1 as a simple official1 he had charge of the provisions of ,rome4 ,didius ,julianus was deep in the luxuries of the table1 and not nearly so deep in wisdom1 when he made a bid for the diadem1 a few uneasy dinners in the palace1 and death4 ,septimius ,severus1 cared less for the splendour of his table than the consolidation of his power1 but his banquets were choice things1 nevertheless4 ,his sons1 ,caracalla and ,geta1 exemplified their fraternal unanimity by keeping different tables4 ,they never sat down together at the same board2 and there were two factions in the court1 something like that of ,george the ,second1 at ,st4 ,james's1 and the son whom he hated1 ,frederick1 ,prince of ,wales1 in ,leicester ,square4 ,macrinus was a coarse feeder1 and in everything he presented a remarkable contrast with his successor ,heliogabalus4 ,heliogabalus lay on couches stuffed with hare's down1 or partridge feathers4 lius ,verus reclined on cushions of lily and rose-leaves4 ,the first-named monster had his funny moments2 and sometimes he would invite a certain number of bald men1 or of gouty men1 or grey-headed men1 and he was particularly amused at a company of fat men1 so crowded together that they could find room only to perspire4 8,one of his favourite diversions consisted in filling a leathern table-couch with air instead of wool2 and while the guests were engaged in drinking1 a tap1 concealed under the carpet1 was opened1 unknown to them1--the couch sank1 and the drinkers rolled pell-mell under the sigma1 to the great delight of the beardless emperor40 ,he was the first ,roman emperor who wore garments of pure1 unmixed silk4 ,he cared little for poets or philosophers2 but he gave liberal premiums to the inventors of new sauces1 provided these pleased his palate4 ,if he disliked them1 the inventor was condemned to eat of nothing else1 until he had discovered a new condiment to win the imperial sanction4 ,heliogabalus and ,george ,i4 had this in common1 that they both liked fish a trifle stale4 ,thus1 it is known that ,george never cared for oysters till their shells began spontaneously to gape2 and the ,oriental master of the ,roman empire1 who made a barber prefect of the provisions1 would never eat sea-fish except at a great distance from the sea1 when they acquired the taint he loved4 ,his delight then was to distribute vast quantities of the rarest sorts1 brought at an immense expense1 to the peasants of the inland country4 ,the table of his successor1 ,alexander ,severus1 was that of a gentleman4 ,its master was the first ,roman emperor to whom that title can be incontestably given2 and he loved to have around him accomplished guests of all varieties of opinion2 and this is much more than can be said for that huge and hungry ,goth1 ,maximin4 ,the ,gordians brought back some of the elegances of social life1 which the uncleanness and severity of ,maximin had banished2 but at both the private and public1 the humble and the imperial1 tables of ,rome1 there must have been small ceremony and permanent fear during the brief and troubled reigns of the foolish men who purchased the right of dining in an imperial mantle by being speedily enveloped in a bloody shroud4 ,gallienus1 alone1 shines out upon the list as the very prince of cooks2 and if ,carme had possessed half the enthusiasm which he so warmly affected1 he would have named his son and heir after this imperial inventor of ragots1--who was also the accelerator of the ruin of ,rome4 ,all the temperance of the ,gothic ,claudius could not restore the remnant of ancient moderation1 which had been destroyed by that imperial maker of stews1 the ever hungry and cruel ,gallienus4 ,aurelian failed1 like ,claudius1 but the emperor ,tacitus was more successful1 and the descendant of the great historian1 even during his short reign1 roused the nobles to a sense of dignity1 and honoured science by inviting its disciples to his well-ordered table4 ,a subsequent emperor1 ,carus1 was perhaps one of the most frugal1 by habit and inclination1 that ever wore the imperial sword upon his thigh4 ,carus was at once moderate and mirthful4 ,he was seated on the grass1 supping on dry bread and grey peas1 when the ,persian ambassadors came to him1 suing for peace4 8,the matter just stands thus1 gentlemen10 said the emperor1 opening his mouth widely1 at the same time1 to insert a shovel-like spoonful of peas2 8if your master does not acknowledge the superiority of ,rome1 ,i will render ,persia10--and here he took off the cap which he wore to conceal his entire baldness1--8,i will render ,persia as destitute of trees as my head is of hair40 ,having said which1 he resumed swallowing his peas1 and left the delegates to digest his remark4 ,we are accustomed to consider ,diocletian dining at ,salona1 on the cabbages he had reared there1 as an emperor in reduced circumstances2 but the truth is1 that the palace1 gardens1 and table of the ex-emperor were all of a splendid character1 and if his table was adorned by the cabbages he had tended to a prize perfection1 he was far too wise an epicure to confine himself to that dish alone4 ,the great ,constantine appears under a double aspect1 and the least favourable one is offered to us in his maturer years1 when he surrendered himself more unreservedly than before to good living1 for which he had peculiar facilities at ,byzantium1 took to wearing false hair1 and became altogether a ridiculous old dandy and bon vivant2 the ridicule of whom1 by his clever and unscrupulous nephew1 ,julian1 ,i am not at all surprised at2 for what is so eagerly seized upon by affectionate nephews as the foibles of their indulgent uncles8 ,julian was possessed just of that scampish sort of nepotism which leads the modest young relative to eat an uncle's dinners and deride the donor4 ,julian's own table would have gained the contempt of an editor of the ,almanach des ,gourmands4 ,its frugality was frigidly parsimonious in its character4 ,the philosophic emperor was a vegetarian1 and even of vegetables he ate sparingly1 but swiftly1 leaping up1 as it were1 from dining thereon1 to hurry to his books or the public business1 which he quitted reluctantly when the hour of supper summoned him even to a more frugal meal than the dinner1 which he despatched with a celerity not at all admired by those who dined with him4 ,nothing disgusted him so much as a gross feeder1 and probably nothing ever so greatly surprised him as when1 on taking possession of ,constantinople1 he found one thousand cooks waiting to prepare the imperial dinner6 ,a thousand cooks for a man who could dine on a boiled turnip6 ,the ,constantines had been accustomed to dine upon birds from the most distant climates1 fish from the most remote seas2 to have a dessert of fruits out of their natural seasons1 and to drink foreign wines cooled in the summer snows of the lofty hills4 ,all this was as useless to a man who needed but a crust and an apple to calm his appetite1 as were the golden basins and the jewelled combs to an emperor like ,julian1 who seldom washed even his face1 and who not only never cleaned his hair1 but felt the lively luxury of leaving it undisturbed4 ,julian in this respect was like ,anthony ,pasquin1 who was said to have died of a cold caught by washing his face4 ,there was a famous ,irish member of ,parliament1 who1 unlike ,julian1 was a glutton at dinner1 but who was remarkable for his religious abstinence from all ablution4 ,his son was one day standing in the bow-window of ,white's1 when the sire was passing down the opposite side of the street4 ,i believe it was the noble lord who1 when ,mr4 ,gunter in the hunting-field remarked that his horse was too 8hot0 to ride comfortably1 suggested to the equestrian pastrycook that he should ice him4--,i believe it was the same noble lord who1 on the first occasion alluded to above1 said to 8,jack ,t----10 8,jack6 what does make your father's hands so dirty80 8,well60 said the old ,colonel's affectionate son1 8,i believe it arises from a bad habit he has of putting them up to his face60 ,and so of ,julian we may say1 that if his hands were innocent of water1 his famous beard was dirtier than his hands1 and that it was not pleasant to lie near the emperor at dinner1 unless guardedly ensconced to the leeward of his sacred and dirty person4 ,if ,gratian1 who was the first ,roman emperor who refused the pontifical robe1 had lived but as became the master of an imperial household1 his sacrifice would have had more merit2 but the emperors of these times had curious ideas as to duties4 ,thus the second ,valentinian delighted in giving splendid dinners1 but at these entertainments he always1 himself1 fasted2--a most discouraging course for the guests1--but he thought there was merit in the work4 ,but ,theodosius was at least as good a man1 and we know that he enjoyed the sensual and social pleasures of the table without excess2 and the same taste was shown by that emperor ,maximus1 who is said to have espoused ,helena1 the daughter of a wealthy ,caernarvonshire lord1 and to have renewed the popularity of boiled leeks in ,rome2 and this was a better taste than that of ,honorius1 who took to feeding poultry and eating them1 while ,stilicho ruled the empire1 and the eunuchs lived on the very fat of the land4 ,it was decidedly better too than the taste which led ,valentinian the third1 after dining with ,petronius ,maximus and winning his money1 to carry off his wife2 a ,tarquinian insult1 which he paid for1 however1 with his life4 ,avitus could indulge in such freaks1 however1 with impunity2 and he not only seduced ,roman matrons1 but invited their husbands to dinner1 where the slaves smiled at the imperial raillery directed against them while the courses were changing6 ,his successor1 ,majorianus1 was a man of another stamp1 and ,i would fain believe the pleasant anecdote which says of him that he went to ,carthage in the disguise of his own ambassador1 and dined with ,genseric the king1 who was especially chafed when he afterwards discovered that he had entertained1 without knowing it1 the ,emperor of the ,romans4 ,anthemius1 if he be famous for little else1 is at least famous for the superb wedding-dinner with which he celebrated the nuptials of his daughter with ,count ,ricimer1 a wicked son-in-law who devoured the dinners of his 8beau pre10 and robbed him of his estate2--no uncommon course for sons-in-law to take4 ,the count placed on the uneasy and vacant throne the epicurean ,glycorius1 who1 having murdered ,julius ,nepos after a banquet1 was made ,archbishop of ,milan1 as one of the recompenses of the act4 ,and then the empire fell into the delicate hands of the weak and beautiful ,augustulus1 who could not find wherewith in the treasury to maintain a decent table1 and who was glad to accept clemency and an annuity from ,odoacer1 whereby he was enabled1 upon six thousand pieces of gold annually1 to keep such state in the ,castle of ,lucullus in ,campania1 that the surrounding gentry visited him in shoals1 and ate his dinners by way of proof that they looked upon him as a man of the highest respectability4 ,and this was the end of the 8twelve vultures10 seen by ,romulus1 foreshadowing the 8twelve centuries10 more or less1 that were to mark the duration of the dominion which he founded2 a dominion commenced by a hungry adventurer1 and which crumbled to nothing in the hand of that ,augustulus1 who was but too rejoiced to take in exchange for it1 the bed1 board1 and six thousand a year with which he set up as a hospitable country gentleman1 in his rustic villa1 on the slopes of ,campania4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as for the ,csars of the ,eastern ,empire1 they were rather ,oriental despots than either ,greek or ,roman monarchs1 just as the ,byzantines were ever more ,asiatics than ,europeans4 ,the sovereigns1 for the most part1 ate at golden tables1 and were served like gods4 ,some of them1 like ,romanus1 were respectable cooks1 and more than one was discussing the merits of a new sauce or dish1 when the ,saracens were knocking at the frontier gates of the empire4 ,the sort of merry humour indulged in by others may be judged of by a single trait of ,michael the ,drunkard4 ,this amiable sovereign started up1 one day1 from table1 ere the imperial dinner was well over1 and assuming an episcopal dress1 he descended into the streets followed by his courtiers4 ,the latter bore the vinegar and mustard that had been on the monarch's side-board1 and mixing the condiments together1 they stopped all passers-by1 compelled them to kneel1 and with horrible profanity and mock psalmody1 administered the ,sacrament with the above-named horribly compounded elements4 ,such was one of the ,eastern ,csars at and after dinner1 and the easy ,byzantines were not much scandalized thereat4 ,indeed1 they troubled themselves very little about the affairs of the government1 or the doings of the governors2 and it would never have entered the head of a ,byzantine subject to say of his son what the ,american citizen once remarked1 touching his heir1 to ,mrs4 ,trollope1 namely1 that he would much sooner that his son got drunk three times a week than that he should refrain from meddling with the politics of his times4 ,from the palaces of the ,csars1 let us now pass into the mansions of miscellaneous majesties1 and see how the first gentlemen of their respective days comported themselves 8at meat40 ,yes1 at meat2 for 8la viande du ,roi0 was the consecrated phrase1 and guards presented arms1 and courtiers bowed low1 as the king's 8meat0 was solemnly carried to the royal table1 or borne to the bed-side1 where it remained under the name of an en cas1 8in case0 the august appetite should be lively before morning4 ,,their ,,majesties ,,at ,,meat4 ,there was an old custom at ,pisa1 the origin of which may be traced to the anti-judaical days of persecution4 ,on a certain day in the year1 ,i believe1 ,good ,friday or ,easter ,sunday1 every ,jew discovered in the streets1 was hunted down by the populace4 ,when the game was caught he was weighed1 and compelled to ransom himself by paying his own weight of sweetmeats4 ,it was an advantage1 then1 at ,pisa for a ,jew to be of a ,cassius cast4 ,it was different in other days1 and climes1 with regard to kings4 ,nations used to weigh their monarchs yearly1 and if the register showed an increase of dignified obesity1 great was the popular rejoicing thereat4 ,if1 on the other hand1 the too1 too solid flesh of the potentate had yielded to irresistible influences1 and the father of his people exhibited a falling away in his material greatness1 the body of loyal subjects went into mourning and tears1 and deplored the evil days on which they had fallen1 when monarchs could not be kept up to the old monarchical standard of corpulency4 ,kings who cared for the affections of their people were1 accordingly1 disinterestedly solicitous to support their corporeal requirements2 for to be fat was to be virtuous1 and he was really the greatest of monarchs who required the greatest circumference of belt4 ,you must understand1 however1 that if kings encouraged their own increase1 it was disloyal in the people to imitate them4 ,the monarchs of old1 in this respect1 were like our ,henry ,,viii1 who never stinted his own appetite1 but who imprisoned the ,earl of ,surrey in ,windsor ,castle1 for daring to touch a lamb chop on a ,friday4 ,the most gigantic of royal feeders placed on the record of ancient history1 was ,thys1 king of ,paphlagonia1 at whose table 8the entire animal0 was served by hundreds4 ,when he fell into the power of ,persia he exhibited more appetite than grief1 and banqueted in such a style that the courtiers spoke of it wonderingly to their king ,artaxerxes4 ,he replied significantly1 8,thys is making the most of the shortness of life40 ,the kings of ,persia were but sorry hosts to dine with4 ,their table was in a little recess divided from the outward hall by a low curtain4 ,the king sat alone in his alcove1 and could behold1 without being seen1 the guests in the outer hall4 ,the latter were of the highest rank2 mere younger brothers1 civilians1 and undignified people of that sort1 sat at meat in the galleries4 ,it was only on two or three high days that the king sat at the same table with his subjects4 ,the royalty of old ,persia had once a reputation for temperance1 but to be 8royally drunk0 was no uncommon characteristic of his majesty and the princes of the blood4 ,he generally made drinking parties of a dozen favourites4 ,these sat on the ground1 while the king lay on a gold couch1 and the conclave drank like dragoons1 and got infinitely more tipsy4 ,in the banquets of state there were a few singularities4 ,horses and ostriches appear in the bill of fare1 among a hundred other delicacies2 but no guest did more than just taste what was placed before him2 and what he did not eat1 he carried home with him4 ,a dainty bit from the king's table was a present meet for lover to make to his lady2 and a wooer who brought a rump-steak of horse-flesh in his hand1 straight from the regal banquet1 was scarcely a man to be refused anything4 ,there was something of grandeur in the banquets of ,cleopatra1 when ,antony dined with her4 ,the service was in gold1 and she made a present of it to her visitor4 ,on the following day there was a new service1 and it was again presented to 8the favoured guest40 ,antony himself exhibited infinitely less taste at ,athens4 ,he erected in the public theatre a scene representing the grotto of ,bacchus1 dressed himself like the god1 and1 with a party of followers as worthless as himself1 sat down at day-break1 in presence of an admiring and crowded 8house10 and got dreadfully drunk before breakfast-time4 ,and this knave aspired to rule in ,rome6 ,alexander1 and1 as may be seen in another page1 ,augustus1 was given to this sort of theological masquerading4 ,the first-named accepted banquets from his great officers2 and these exhibited their taste by having all the fruit on the table covered thickly with gold1 which1 when the fruit itself was presented to the guests1 was torn off and flung on the ground1 for the benefit of the servants4 ,the father of ,alexander had shown in his time a better example of economy4 ,he had but one gold cup1 and to prevent that from being stolen1 he placed it every night under his pillow1 and went to sleep upon it4 ,the mad ,antiochus1 of ,syria1 was of another kidney1 for whenever he heard of a drinking bout in his own city1 he used to order his chariot1 and taking with him a measure of wine and a goblet1 he would rush down to the place and take a seat uninvited4 ,he was such indifferent company1 however1 that the guests could not be prevailed upon to tarry1 and even the offer of his golden goblet was unable to bribe a man to sit and get drunk with a witless king4 ,but the most extraordinary meal ,i have ever heard of was that made by ,cambes1 king of ,lydia4 ,he was a great eater1 a great drinker1 and of insatiable voracity4 ,it is told of him that he one night cut up his wife and devoured her1 and that he awoke the next morning1 with one of her hands sticking in his mouth4 ,but ,i have little doubt that something of an allegory lies under this royal story4 ,cambes probably had had an argument with his consort1--a lady of the sort spoken of by ,dr4 ,young as one who ,shakes the curtain with her good advice4 ,his logic 8cut up0 her assertions1 and thereon he addressed himself to sleep2 but he no sooner awoke in the morning than her hand was upon his mouth1 to prevent his speaking while she reiterated her follies of the previous night4 ,poor ,cambes6 he cut his throat in order to escape from a too loquacious consort1 of whom he is accused of being the murderer by the libelling ,xanthus4 ,i may add to the record of these exemplary persons1 the name of ,dionysius of ,heraclea1 who1 through good living1 fell into such a condition of obesity and somnolency that he could only be made conscious by running fine gold needles into his flesh4 ,what a droll thing it must have been for his morning visitors who found the huge mass fast asleep at table6 ,shaking hands with him1 or any other equivalent ceremony1 would have been useless4 ,they accordingly took a gold needle from his girdle and tenderly run it into his fat4 ,when it reached a vital point1 the uneasy monarch snorted and opened one eye2 and this being taken as an acknowledgment of their presence1 he straightway went to sleep again4 ,ptolemy1 the seventh king of ,egypt1 was in nearly as deplorable a condition1 and ,magas of ,cyrene was perhaps even worse4 ,the ,ephori1 it will be remembered1 had a horror of the ,lacedmonians getting fat1 and to prevent this undesirable consummation1 the youth were obliged to present themselves undraped to the magistrates4 ,woe to the offenders with prominent stomachs1 for they had them punched till the owners hardly knew whether they stood on their head or their heels1 and could not digest a dinner for a month afterwards4 ,they were beaten almost as badly as the unlucky official who went1 in ,parthia1 by the name of the king's friend4 ,it was the duty of this minister to seat himself on the ground at the foot of the lofty couch on which the king lay1 and from which the sovereign flung refuse bits to his 8friend40 ,if the latter ate too voraciously1 his meat was snatched from him1 and he was beaten with rods till he had hardly strength left to thank his majesty for the entertainment4 ,of course1 if he ate too slowly1 he was subject to similar castigation4 ,the moral1 perhaps1 is1 that 8fast0 or 8slow10 it is safer not to be 8friends0 with the king--of the ,parthians4 ,but let us turn from the ancient records of how the monarchs of old deported themselves at their solemn boards1 and contemplate a few brief table traits in connexion with the sovereigns of more modern times4 ,clovis was a ,christian king1 but his behaviour at dinner was not always so exemplary as might have been desired4 ,but the ,chesterfields of his time were not exacting1 and they probably thought ,clovis a gentleman when1 on ,bishop 7,st4 ,gerome7 taking leave of him after dinner1 the monarch pulled out a hair and placed it in the bishop's palm2 the civil ceremony was imitated by the courtiers1 and the prelate left the rude palace with more hairs on his hand than he had on his head4 ,but dismissing the idea of running regularly through the 8,tables of the ,sovereigns of ,europe10 and elsewhere1 ,i will simply relate such incidents as are exemplary of royal table life1 without pausing to be very nice with regard to chronological order4 ,thus it occurs to me that ,russia1 in modern times1 exhibits as much barbarism as the court of ,clovis1 where ,christianity and civilization were1 as yet1 hardly known4 ,when ,peter the ,great and his consort dined together1 they were waited on by a page and the empress's favourite chambermaid4 ,even at larger dinners1 he bore uneasily the presence and service of what he called listening lacqueys4 ,his taste was not an imperial one4 ,he loved1 and most frequently ordered1 for his own especial enjoyment1 a soup with four cabbages in it2 gruel2 pig1 with sour cream for sauce2 cold roast meat1 with pickled cucumbers or salad2 lemons and lampreys2 salt meat1 ham1 and ,limburgh cheese4 ,previously to addressing himself to the 8consummation0 of this supply1 he took a glass of aniseed water4 ,at his repast he quaffed quass1 a sort of beer1 which would have disgusted an ,egyptian2 and he finished with ,hungarian or ,french wine4 ,all this was the repast of a man who seemed1 like the nation of which he was the head1 in a transition state1 between barbarism and civilization2 beginning dinner with cabbage water1 and closing the banquet with goblets of ,burgundy4 ,peter and his consort had stranger tastes than these4 ,this illustrious pair once arrived at ,stuthof1 in ,germany1 where they claimed not only the hospitality of the table1 but a refuge for the night4 ,the owner of the country-house at which they sought to be guests was a ,herr ,schoppenhauer1 who readily agreed to give up to them a small bed-room1 the selection of which had been made by the emperor himself4 ,it was a room without stove or fire-place1 had a brick floor1 the walls were bare2 and the season being that of rigorous winter1 a difficulty arose as to warming this chamber4 ,the host soon solved the difficulty4 ,several casks of brandy were emptied on the floor1 the furniture being first removed1 and the spirit was then set fire to4 ,the czar screamed with delight as he saw the sea of flames1 and smelt the odour of the ,cognac4 ,the fire was no sooner extinguished than the bed was replaced1 and ,peter and ,catherine straightway betook themselves to their repose1 and not only slept profoundly all night in this gloomy bower1 amid the fumes and steam of burnt brandy1 but rose in the morning thoroughly refreshed and delighted with their couch1 and the delicate vapours which had curtained their repose4 ,the emperor was pleased1 because when an emergency had presented itself1 provision to meet it was there at hand4 ,napoleon loved to be so served at his tables when in the field4 ,he was irregular in the hours of his repasts1 and he ate rapidly and not over delicately4 ,the absolute will which he applied to most things1 was exercised also in matters appertaining to the appetite4 ,as soon as a sensation of hunger was experienced1 it must be appeased2 and his table service was so arranged that1 in any place and at any hour1 he had but to give expression to his will1 and the slaves of his word promptly set before him roast fowls1 cutlets1 and smoking coffee4 ,he dined off mutton before risking the battle at ,leipsic2 and it is said that he lost the day because he was suffering so severely from indigestion1 that he was unable to arrange1 with sufficient coolness1 the mental calculations which he was accustomed to make as helps to victory4 ,as ,napoleon1 the genius of war1 was served in the field1 ,louis ,,xv41 the incarnation of selfishness and vice1 was served in his mistress's bower4 ,that bower1 built at ,choisy for ,pompadour1 cost millions2 but it was one of the wonders of the world4 ,for the royal entertainments1 there were invented those little tables1 called 8servants0 or 8waiters20 they were mechanical contrivances1 that immortalized the artist ,loriot4 ,at ,choisy1 every guest had one of these tables to himself4 ,no servant stood by to listen1 rather than lend aid4 ,whatever the guest desired to have1 he had but to write his wish on paper1 and touch a spring1 when the table sunk through the flooring at his feet1 and speedily re-appeared1 laden with fruits1 with pastry1 or with wine1 according to the order given4 ,nothing had been seen like this enchantment in ,france before2 and nothing like it1 it is hoped1 will ever be seen there or elsewhere again4 ,the guests thought themselves little gods1 and were not a jot more reasonable than ,augustus and his companions1 who sat down to dinner attired as deities4 ,when kings ape the majesty of gods1 it is time for the people to shake the majesty of kings4 ,perhaps ,louis ,,xv4 never looked so little like a king as when he dined or supped in public1--a peculiar manifestation of his kingly character4 ,the ,parisians and their wives used to hurry down to ,versailles on a ,sunday1 to behold the feeding of the beast which it cost them so much to keep4 ,on these occasions he always had boiled eggs before him4 ,he was uncommonly dexterous in decapitating the shell by a single blow from his fork2 and this feat he performed weekly at his own table1 for the sake of the admiration which it excited in the ,cockney beholders4 ,but an egg broken by the king1 or ,damiens broken alive upon the wheel1 and torn asunder by wild horses1--each was a sight gazed upon1 even by the youthful fair1 with a sort of admiration for the executioner6 ,the glory of the epicureanism of ,louis ,,xv4 was his 8magic table10 and the select worthless people especially invited to dine with him thereat4 ,in #aghj the ,countess of ,oberkirch saw this table1 even then a relic and wreck of the past4 ,she and a gay party of great people1 who yet hoped that ,god had created the world only for the comfort of those whom ,he had honoured by allowing them to be born 8noble10 paid a visit 8to the apartments of the late king0 in the ,tuileries4 ,there1 among other things1 she saw the celebrated magic table1 the springs of which1 she says1 8had become rusty from disuse40 ,the good lady1 who had not the slightest intention in the world to be satirical1 thus describes the wondrous article1 at the making of which ,pompadour had presided3--8,it was placed in the centre of a room1 where none were allowed to enter but the invited guests of ,louis ,,xv4 ,it would accommodate thirty persons4 ,in the centre was a cylinder of gilt copper1 which could be pressed down by springs1 and would return with its top1 which was surrounded by a band1 covered with dishes4 ,around were placed four dumb waiters1 on which would be found everything that was necessary40 ,in #aghi the ,countess says1--8,this table no longer exists1 having been long since destroyed1 with everything that could recall the last sad years of a monarch1 who would have been good if he had not been perverted by evil counsels40 ,after all1 the gastronomic greatness of ,louis ,,xv4 was small compared with that of his predecessor1 ,louis ,,xiv4 ,the 8state0 of the latter was1 in all things1 more 8cumbersome40 ,to be helpless was to be dignified2 and to do nothing for himself1 and to think of nothing but himself1 was the sole life-business of this very illustrious king4 ,a dozen men dressed him2 there was one for every limb that had to be covered4 ,poor wretch6 ,his breakfast was as lumbering a matter as his toilette2 and he tasted nothing till it had passed through the hands of half-a-dozen dukes4 ,it took even three noblemen1 ending with a prince of the blood1 to present him a napkin with which to wipe his lips1 before he addressed himself to the more serious business of the day4 ,louis ,,xiv4 could not be properly got to the dinner-table1 entertained there1 and removed1 without a still more fussy world of ceremony1 and that of a very ,chinese or ,ko ,tou character4 ,the ushers solemnly summoned the guard when the cloth was to be laid1 and a detachment of men under arms were at once spectators and guardians at the dressing of the table4 ,they stood by1 exceedingly edified1 no doubt1 while the appointed officers touched the royal napkin1 spoon1 plate1 knife1 fork1 and tooth-picks1 with a piece of bread1 which they subsequently swallowed4 ,this was the 8trial0 against poisoning4 ,the dishes in the kitchen were tried in the same way1 and were then carried to table escorted by a file of men with drawn swords4 ,as the dishes were placed on the table1 the loyal officials bowed as though some saintly relics were on the platter6 ,if there was ceremony at the coming in of the meat1 how much more was there at the coming in of him who was about to eat it6 ,unhappy wretch6 what splendid misery enveloped his mutton-chop6 ,he was looked upon as very august1 but decidedly helpless4 ,did he wish to wipe his fingers2 three dukes and a prince only could present him with a damp napkin2 but a dry one might be offered him at dinner1 without insult1 by a simple valet4 ,philosophical distinction6 ,changing his plate required as much attendant ceremony as would go to the whole crowning of a modern constitutional king2 and when he asked for drink1 there was thunder in heaven1 or something like it4 ,the cup-bearer solemnly shouted the king's desire to the buffet2 and the buffeteers presented goblets and flasks to the cup-bearer1 who carried them to the thirsty but necessarily patient monarch2 and1 when he finally received the draught into his extended throat1 all loyal men present seemed the better for the sight4 ,but ,louis ,,xiv4 was so well-used to this1 and much more ceremony than ,i have space to detail1 that it interfered in nowise with the comfortable indulgence of his appetite4 ,he was a very gifted eater4 ,the rough old ,duchess of ,orleans declares in her ,memoirs1 that she 8often saw him eat four platesful of different soups1 a whole pheasant1 a partridge1 a platefull of salad1 mutton hashed with garlick1 two good-sized slices of ham1 a dish of pastry1 and afterwards fruit and sweetmeats60 ,at the end of such a repast as this1 this 8most ,christian0 king 7very much so1 indeed67 must have been in something of the condition of the young gentleman who went out to dine1 and who1 after taking enough for three boys of his size1 and being invited to take more1 answered that he thought he could1 if they would allow him to stand6 ,the ,duchess of ,orleans1 however1 is by no means astonished at the ,baal-like ability of the king4 ,of her own performances in that way she says1 8,i am not good at lying in bed2 as soon as ,i awake1 ,i must get up4 ,i seldom breakfast1 and then only on bread and butter4 ,i take neither chocolate1 nor coffee1 nor tea1 not being able to endure those foreign drugs4 ,i am ,german in all my habits1 and like nothing in eating or drinking which is not conformable to our old customs4 ,i eat no soup but such as ,i can take with milk1 wine1 or beer4 ,i cannot bear broth2 whenever ,i eat anything of which it forms a part1 ,i fall sick instantly1 my body swells1 and ,i am tormented with colics4 ,when ,i take broth alone1 ,i am compelled to vomit even to blood1 and nothing can restore the tone of my stomach but--ham and sausages60 ,poor lady6 she reminds me of the converted cannibal ,carib1 who was once sick1 and who being asked by a missionary what he could eat1 answered sentimentally1 that he thought he could pick a bone or two of a very delicate hand of a young child6 ,at a later period even than that of the ,duchess of ,orleans above mentioned1 the ,german taste could hardly be said to have improved4 ,for instances of this1 ,i need only refer to the ,memoirs of the ,margravine of ,bareuth4 ,this lady was the daughter of that ,frederic ,william of ,prussia1 whose portrait is graphically drawn also by his own son1 and with additional light and shade by ,voltaire4 ,the ,princess ,frederica subsequently married the ,prince of ,bareuth--a msalliance which did not displease her easy parents2--they were not as proudly vexed at it as ,isaac and ,rachel were at the marriage of their son ,esau with the daughter of ,beeri the ,hittite1 which certainly sounds as if ,esau's father-in-law had been a pugilistic publican2--the ,princess ,frederica1 ,i say1 paints a portrait of her father in very broad style4 ,he used to compel her and his other children to come to his room every morning at nine o'clock1 whence they were never allowed to depart till nine in the evening1 8pour quelque raison que ce ft40 ,the time was spent by the affectionate sovereign in swearing at them1 and he added injury to insult by half-famishing them4 ,he begrudged them even a wretched soup made of bare bones and salt4 ,occasionally1 they were kept fasting the whole day2 or1 if he graciously allowed them a meal at his own table1 the royal beast would spit into the dishes from which he had helped himself1 in order to prevent their touching them4 ,at other times he forced them to swallow compositions of the most disgusting description--8ce qui nous obligeait quelquefois de rendre1 en sa prsence1 tout ce que nous avions dans le corps60 ,he would then throw the plates at their heads2 and1 as his children rushed by him to escape his fury1 the paternal brute1 whom it is too much flattery to himself1 and too much injustice to the brute creation so to name1 would strike fiercely at them with his crutch1 and was eminently disappointed when he failed to crack their little1 hard1 royal1 but very dirty skulls4 ,it is known that this madman would have slain his own son1 8the rascal ,fritz10 as he1 8the great ,frederic10 as the world afterwards was used to call him2 and little doubt can exist that the great ,frederic owed most of his great vices1 and none of his great qualities1 to the education which he received at the knees of his infamous sire4 ,the history of the ,german courts abounds in traits connected with the table1 but ,i am compelled to go little beyond the announcement of such a fact4 ,one or two more1 however1 ,i may be permitted to notice before finally leaving this section of my multifaced subject4 ,ernest the 8,iron0 was1 perhaps1 the least luxurious of his race4 ,he married ,cymburga of ,poland1 the lady who brought into the ,austrian family the thick lips1 which to this day form a characteristic feature in the imperial physiognomy4 ,cymburga cracked her nuts with her fingers2 and when she trained her fruit-trees1 she hammered the nails into the wall with her clenched knuckles6 ,their table was at once copious and simple4 ,their son ,frederic had less strength both of body and judgment4 ,at near fourscore years of age he suffered amputation of the leg1 in order to get rid of a cancerous affection4 ,he was 8doing well0 after the operation1 when he resolved upon dining on melons4 ,he was told that such a diet would be fatal to him1 as it had already been to one ,austrian archduke of his house4 ,frederic reflected that he would probably die at all events1 and that he had already reigned longer than any emperor since the days of ,augustus1 namely1 fifty-three years4 8,i will have melons10 said he1 8betide what may60 ,he ate unsparingly1 and death followed close upon the banquet4 ,frederic would neither drink wine himself1 nor allow his consort to do so1 although physicians declared that1 without it1 she was not likely to achieve the honours of maternity4 ,she did abstain1 and despite what the oracular doctors had asserted1 she became the mother of ,maximilian1 a prince who drank wine enough to compensate for the abstinence of both his parents4 ,his second wife1 ,bianca of ,milan1 whom ,maximilian the 8,moneyless0 married for her dowry1 was1 like the lady in ,young's ,satires1 by no means afraid to call things by their very broadest names2 and she died of an indigestion1 brought on by eating too voraciously of snails6 ,they were of the large and lively sort1 still reared for the market in the field-preserves near ,ulm4 ,if my readers should feel sick at the thought1 let them remember their juvenile days1 and 8periwinkles10 and be gentle in their strictures4 ,leopold the 8,angel10 the second son of the ,emperor ,ferdinand1 surpassed even his father in abstinence4 ,he reared the most odoriferous of plants1 but inflicted on himself the mortification of never going near enough to scent them2 and1 poor man6 he thought that thereby he was adding a step to a ladder of good works1 by which he hoped to scale heaven6 ,the grandson of ,ferdinand1 ,joseph ,i41 was a somewhat free liver1 and his intemperate diet was against him when he caught the small-pox4 ,but the medical men were fiercer foes than his way of life2 for when the eruption was at its worst1 they hermetically closed his apartment1 kept up a blazing fire in it1 gave him strong drinks1 swathed him in twenty yards of ,english scarlet broadcloth1 and then published1 on his dying1 that his majesty's decease was contrary to all the rules of art4 ,his brother and successor1 ,charles1 did for himself what the doctors did for ,joseph4 ,in #agdj he had the gout1 and would go out hunting in the wet4 ,he was subsequently seized with what would now be called incipient cholera1 and he would eat--not melons1 like some of his obstinate and imperial predecessors1 but that delicate dish for an invalid1 mushrooms stewed in oil6 ,he ate voraciously1 and the next day symptoms ensued which1 he was informed1 heralded death4 ,charles1 like ,louis ,philippe1 would not believe his own medical advisers2 and there was some reason in this1 for they stood at his bed-side1 disputing as to whether mushrooms were a digestible diet or the contrary4 ,the emperor dismissed them from his presence1 ordered his favourite mushrooms1 ate the forbidden 8fruit0 with intense gastronomic delight1 and died in peace4 ,the table of the great ,frederic of ,prussia was regulated by himself4 ,there were always from nine to a dozen dishes1 and these were brought in one at a time4 ,the king carved the solitary dish1 and helped the company4 ,one singular circumstance connected with this table was1 that each dish was cooked by a different cook1 who had a kitchen to himself6 ,there was much consequent expense1 with little magnificence4 ,frederic ate and drank1 too1 like a boon companion4 ,his last work1 before retiring to bed1 was to receive from his chief cook the bill of fare for the next day2 the price of each dish1 and of its separate ingredients1 was marked in the margin4 ,the monarch looked it cautiously through1 generally made out an improved edition1 cursed all cooks as common thieves1 and then flung down the money for the next day's expenses4 ,the late ,king of ,prussia was a sensible man with respect to his table arrangements4 ,on gala days1 and when it concerned the honour of ,prussia that the royal hospitality should assume an appearance of splendour1 his table was as glittering and gastronomic as goldsmiths and cooks could make it4 ,but in the routine of private and unofficial life1 it was simply that of an opulent merchant1 something1 perhaps1 like that of ,sir ,balaam after he had grown rich4 ,even then he partook only of the least savoury dishes1 and it was seldom1 indeed1 that he exceeded a third glass of wine4 ,his example enforced moderation1 but it did not mar enjoyment1 for he loved every man around him to be merry and wise4 ,his own wisdom he manifested by a characteristic trait in #ahji4 ,the royal family had returned to ,berlin for the first time since the war had broken out in #ahjf4 ,the court marshal1 deeming that the piping times of peace were going to endure for ever1 waited on ,frederic ,william1 and asked what amount of champagne he should order for the royal cellars4 8,none10 replied the king2 8,i will drink neither champagne nor any other wine1 until all my subjects--even the very poorest--can afford to drink beer again40 ,the incident was made public1 and the king's poor neighbours were especially delighted4 ,many of them testified their gratitude by sending from their gardens or little farms various articles for his table4 ,the king ate thereof with pleasure1 and did not forget the givers4 ,i have spoken of his moderation1 but here is an additional trait from his table worth mentioning4 ,when he came to the crown1 the grand marshal proposed a more extended list of viands for the royal table4 8,marshal10 said the king in reply1 8,i do not feel that my stomach has become more capacious since ,i became king4 ,we will let well alone1 and dine to-day even as we have done heretofore40 ,in another page ,i have spoken of ,bishop ,eglert supping with the king4 ,such a guest was not an unfrequent one at the royal dining-table4 ,on one occasion the bishop had preached before the court in the morning from ,luke xiv4 #h-aa3 8,when thou art bidden of any man to a wedding1 sit not down in the highest room1 lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him2 and he that bade thee and him come and say unto thee1 ,give this man place1 and thou begin with shame to take the lower room10 c4 c4 ,the bishop profited by the opportunity to expatiate on the virtues of diffidence and humility1 insisting on their observance as necessary for the preservation of our happiness4 ,now1 many dignified officials were present at the banquet in question1 and the bishop1 who had entered the saloon last1 7which does not say much for the courtesy of those who preceded him17 meekly took his place at the lower end of the table4 ,there the king's scrutinizing eye fell upon him2 and 8,eglert10 said ,frederic ,william1 8,i see you are self-applying the text from which you preached to us to-day4 ,but1 if ,i remember rightly1 it is also written1 #8,friend1 go higher4' ,come1 then1 take this chair that is near to me60 and the simple but highly embarrassed prelate walked blushingly to the station appointed him1 and all in his vicinity began to recognise a man whom the king himself delighted to honour4 ,this anecdote reminds me1 albeit it be 8rue with a difference10 of one told of the second of the seven ,dukes of ,guise1 ,duke ,francis4 ,this celebrated individual was1 during one part of his bloody career1 engaged in the service of the ,pope1 to fight the battles of the latter against the ,king of ,naples4 ,he was not successful1 and his holiness showered down upon him mordant epigrams and invitations to dinner4 ,he had accepted one of the latter1 and repaired to the sacro-regal board1 after a day in the course of which he had been engaged serving as acolyte in the ,papal chapel1 and holding up the trains of very obese cardinals4 ,in the banqueting-hall of the descendant of the poor fisherman1 he meekly took the lowest seat4 ,he had scarcely done so1 than a ,french lieutenant endeavoured to thrust in below him4 8,how now1 friend60 said the haughty enough ,guise2 8why pushest thou so rudely to come where there is no room for thee80 8,marry60 said the soldier1 8for this reason1 that it might not be said that the representative of a king of ,france had taken the last place at a priest's table60 ,it was a bold piece of table-talk to so powerful a man as ,guise1 who recovered1 and added to his reputation when he subsequently regained1 ,calais from the ,english4 ,previously to this last feat1 when the occupation of ,calais formed the subject of conversation at social boards1 there arose the proverbial expression applied to the bravest of untried men1 and honourable to the reputation of our own ancestors1--8,he is not the sort of man to drive the ,english out of ,france60 ,the proverb died out of ,french society from the day when ,guise drove old ,lord ,wentworth out of ,calais1 and cheated his duchess out of the silks which he found therein1 and in which he attired the courtesans whom he invited to his ducal but not dignified table4 ,it may fairly be asserted that kings may wear as graceful an aspect as guests at others' tables1 as they do when enacting the host at their own4 ,the ,prince ,regent1 dining off the mutton which he had helped to cook at ,colonel ,hanger's1 is indeed no very edifying spectacle4 ,i will introduce my readers to a royal guest of what ,hamlet would call 8another kidney40 ,when the ,prussian general ,koeckeritz had completed his fiftieth year of service in #ahji1 he was residing in modest apartments1 becoming his celibate condition1 near the ,neustadt ,gate at ,potsdam4 ,on the dawn of the day of his martial jubilee1 he was harmoniously greeted by the bands of the garrison2 but the hautboys did not discourse such sweet music as was conveyed to him in a letter from the king1 full of expressions of gratitude for services rendered by him during a long half century to the crown4 ,at a grand review held in honour of the day1 the king embraced him in presence of the army1 giving in his person the accolade to every other faithful soldier who had served as long2 and when this had been done1 ,frederic ,william not only declared he would escort the old warrior to his plainly furnished lodgings1 but requested to be invited to the djeuner la fourchette1 which he assumed must then be wanting4 ,koeckeritz had the pride of ,caleb ,balderstone1 and he turned pale at the idea of exposing his domestic economy to the eyes of a king and court4 ,he grew eloquent in excuses1 protested that he was unworthy of the honour designed for him1 and piteously muttered an apologetical phrase about 8old bachelors40 8,then why are you a bachelor80 asked the monarch3 8,i have often counselled you to marry1 and this very day you shall be punished for your disobedience40 8,well10 said the general1 with a sigh1 denoting the resignation of despair1 8if it must be so1 ,i trust your majesty will allow me a few hours in order to make fitting preparation40 ,the spirit that possessed ,caleb ,balderstone suggested this petition4 8,not five minutes60 exclaimed the sovereign2 8you surely have a crust of bread and a glass of wine to give to us who are your comrades1 and we desire no more6 ,come along1 gentlemen60 ,of course1 no further resistance was to be thought of1 and the gay and brilliant escort led the grave ,koeckeritz along1 looking very much like a criminal who was about to be hanged with riotous solemnity at his own gates4 ,but1 when he reached those gates1 his surprise was extreme4 ,the threshold was covered with flowers1 the little hall was lined with the royal servants in their state suits1 and the space in front of the house was partly occupied by a score of 8trumpets10 who no sooner perceived the approach of the hero of the day than they received him1 as our theatrical orchestras do stage kings1 with a 8flourish40 ,it is hardly necessary to add1 that when the old general conducted his guests within1 he found there such a banquet as ,aladdin furnished his widowed mother with by means of the lamp4 ,everything was there1 whether in or out of season2 and the rare-looking flasks promised pleasure less equivocal than that held out by a ,calais ,boniface upon his cards1 whereon his ,english visitors were told1 that 8the wine shall leave you nothing to hope for60 8,oh6 oh60 exclaimed the king1 8here is bachelor's fare with a vengeance6 ,let us be seated1 and show that our appetites can appreciate what our comrade ,koeckeritz has provided for them40 ,monarch and servant1 honouring and honoured1 sat side by side2 and so gay and so prolonged was the festival1 that the king surprised all those who knew how strictly he lived by rule1 by ordering the dinner at the palace to be retarded for a couple of hours4 ,at that banquet he entertained the veteran1 affecting to do so in return for the hospitality displayed by the latter in the morning4 ,the scene was not without its moving incidents1 for the king had contrived another surprise whereby to gratify his old friend and servant4 ,as the monarch led him by the hand to the dining-room1 there stood before him three of the surviving friends of his youth who had fought with him in the ,seven ,years' ,war1 and whom he had not seen for years4 ,the king had got them together1 not without difficulty2 the general joy that ensued was as unalloyed as humanity could make it1 and never did monarch sit at meat with more right to feel pleased1 than ,frederic ,william on this day of ,koeckeritz's jubilee4 ,it was a day that ,henri ,,iv4 of ,france would have delighted in4 ,that king is said never to have dined better than one evening previous to the battle of ,ivry1 when he was sojourning in a country-house under the name of a ,french officer4 ,there were no provisions there1 but the solitary lady who was the chatelaine intimated that there was a retired tradesman who lived near1 who was the possessor of a fine turkey1 and who would contribute it towards a dinner1 if he were only invited to partake of it4 8,is he a jolly companion80 asked the supposed officer4 ,the reply being affirmatively1 the citizen and turkey were invited together1 and two merrier guests never sat down with a lady to cut up a bird and crush a bottle4 ,henri was in the most radiant of humours2 and it was when he was at his brightest1 that the bourgeois avowed that he had known him from the beginning1 and that after dining with a king of ,france1 he trusted that the monarch would not object to grant him letters of nobility4 ,henri laughed1 which was as good as consenting1 and asked what arms his countship would assume8 8,i will emblazon the turkey that founded my good fortune10 answered the aspirant for nobility4 8,ventre ,saint-,gris60 exclaimed the king1 laughing more immoderately1 8then you shall be a gentleman1 and bear your turkey 'en pal' on a shield60 ,the happy citizen purchased a territorial manor near ,alenon1 and le ,comte ,morel d',inde was not a conte pour rire4 ,the ,russian ,empress ,catherine used to affect the good-fellowship that was natural to the first of the ,bourbon kings of ,france4 ,when she dined with the highly honoured officers of the regiment of which she was colonel1 she used to hand to each a glass of spirits before the banquet commenced4 ,at her own table the number of guests was usually select1 generally under a dozen4 ,the lord of the bed-chamber sat opposite to her1 her own seat being at the centre of one of the sides1 carved one of the dishes1 and presented it to her4 ,she took once of what was so offered1 but afterwards dispensed with such service4 ,in her days1 many of the ,russian nobility kept open tables4 ,any one who had been duly introduced1 and knew not where to dine1 had only to call at a house where he was known1 and to leave word that he intended to dine there in the afternoon4 ,he was sure to be welcomed4 ,at the present time1 the ,russians are more civilized and less hospitable4 ,jermann describes the imperial kitchen at ,st4 ,petersburg as good1 delicate1 and 8meagre10--the latter being a consequence of the continual eating that is going on1 and the necessity which follows of providing what is light of digestion4 ,the imperial household tables in the days of ,paul were divided into 8stations10 an arrangement which took its rise from a singular incident4 ,the late empress1 like our own ,queen ,adelaide1 was given to inspect the 8domestic accounts10 and she was puzzled by finding among them 8a bottle of rum0 daily charged to the ,naslednik1 or heir apparent6 ,her imperial ,majesty turned over the old 8expenses0 of the household1 to discover at what period her son had commenced this reprobate course of daily rum-drinking2 and found1 if not to her horror1 at least to the increase of her perplexity1 that it dated from the very day of his birth4 ,the 8bottle of rum0 began with the baby1 accompanied the boy1 and continued to be charged to the man4 ,he was charged as drinking upwards of thirty dozen of fine old ,jamaica yearly6 ,the imperial mother was anxious to discover if any other of the ,czarovitch babies had exhibited the same alcoholic precocity2 and it appears that they were all alike2 daily1 for upwards of a century back1 they stood credited in the household books for that terrible 8bottle of rum40 ,the empress continued her researches with the zeal of an antiquary1 and her labours were not unrewarded4 ,she at last reached the original entry4 ,like all succeeding ones1 it was to the effect of 8a bottle of rum for the ,naslednik20 but a sort of editorial note on the margin of the same page intimated the wherefore3 8,on account of violent toothache1 a teaspoonful with sugar to be given1 by order of the physician of the imperial court40 ,the teaspoonful for one day had been charged as a bottle1 and the entry once made1 it was kept on the books to the profit of the unrighteous steward1 until discovery checked the fraud1--a fraud1 more gigantically amusing than that of the illiterate coachman1 who set down in his harness-room book1 8,two penn'orth of whipcord1 #f;d40 ,the empress showed the venerable delinquency to her husband1 ,paul2 and he1 calculating what the temporary toothache of the imperial baby ,alexander had cost him1 was affrighted at the outlay1 and declared that he would revolutionise the kitchen department1 and put himself out to board4 ,the threat was not idly made1 and it was soon seriously realized4 ,a gastronomic contractor was found who farmed the whole palace1 and did his spiriting admirably4 ,he divided the imperial household into 8stations40 ,the first was the monarch's especial table1 for the supply of which he charged the emperor and empress fifty roubles each daily2 the table of the archdukes and archduchesses was supplied at half that price2 the guests of that table1 of whatever rank1 were served at the same cost4 ,the ladies and gentlemen of the household had a 8station10 which was exceedingly well provisioned1 at twenty roubles each4 ,the graduated sliding scale continued to descend in proportion to the status of the feeders4 ,the upper servants had superior stomachs1 which were accounted of as being implacable at less than fifteen roubles each4 ,servants in livery1 with finer lace but coarser digestions1 dieted daily at five roubles each2 and the grooms and scullions were taken altogether at three roubles a head4 8,a wonderful change10 says ,jermann1 8ensued in the whole winter palace4 ,the emperor declared he had never dined so well before4 ,the court1 tempted by the more numerous courses1 sat far longer at table4 ,the maids of honour got fresh bloom upon their cheeks1 and the chamberlains and equerries rounder faces2 and most flourishing of all was the state of the household expenses1 although these diminished by one-half4 ,in short1 every one1 save cook and butler1 was content2 and all this was the result of #8a bottle of rum1' from which the ,emperor ,alexander1 when heir to the crown1 had been ordered by the physician to take a spoonful for the toothache40 ,herr ,jermann1 who was manager of the imperial company of ,german actors in ,st4 ,petersburg1 frequently dined at the table of the 8second station10 or officials' table4 ,there were six dishes and a capital dessert4 ,he describes the 8drinkables0 as consisting of one bottle of red and one of white wine1 two bottles of beer1 one of kislitschi1 and quass ad libitum4 ,the dinner he speaks lightly of1 as inferior on the point of cookery to that of the best restaurants in the capital4 ,the wine was a light ,burgundy2 the beer heavy and ,russian4 ,the kislitschi must have been a powerful crusher of the appetite1 it being a sour-sweet drink1 prepared from honey1 water1 lemon-juice1 and a decoction of herbs4 ,quass is a plain1 cheap beverage1 the better sort of which is extracted from malt1 while an inferior sort is an extract of bread-crusts4 ,it is the national drink of the lower orders4 ,a stranger finds it at first detestable2 but he not only soon becomes reconciled to it1 but generally prefers it to any other beverage1 especially in the brief scorching summer of ,st4 ,petersburg1 when the cooling properties of quass are its great recommendation4 ,to talk of the fierceness of a ,russian summer seems paradoxical1 but it is simple truth2 and probably the court of ,naples itself1 throughout its long season of heat1 does not consume so much ice as their imperial ,muscovite majesties do in the course of their slow-to-come1 quick-to-go1 and sharp-while-it-lasts summer4 ,nay1 the whole capital eats ice at this season4 ,ice is thought such a 8necessary0 of life1 that the first question in taking a house is1 probably1 touching the quality and capability of the ice-cellar1 wherein they pack away as much of the ,neva as they can in solid blocks4 ,they eat it and drink it1 surround their larders with it1 and mix it with the water1 beer1 quass--in short1 with whatever they drink4 ,nay1 more1 when there is a superabundance of the material1 they place it under their beds and on their stoves to cool their apartments4 ,so tremendous is the dust and heat of a ,russian summer1 that1 for inconvenience1 it is only the opposite extreme of annoyance to that experienced in the wintry visitations of frost4 ,the ice-tubs of the popular vendors in the streets are enveloped and covered with wet cloths1 to protect them from the heat of the sun4 ,i need not say that this is not the season at which a visitor should resort to the capital4 ,st4 ,petersburg in ,january1 and ,naples in ,july1 are the respective times and places to be observed by those who can bear the consequences4 ,i do not know what may be the case with regard to the fruit eaten at the imperial table2 but1 generally speaking1 fruit is never eaten by a ,russian until it has been blest by a priest4 ,jermann1 alluding to this custom1 praises it on sanitary grounds1 for1 he says1 the fruit has no chance of earning a benediction unless it be ripe2 but if it then be taken to church1 the blessing is granted with much attendant solemnity4 ,i do not believe that the czars were ever accustomed to dine in such state as the kaisers4 ,the old emperors of ,germany1 on state occasions1 were waited on at dinner by the two happy feudatory princes of the empire4 ,on one of these occasions1 we are told that old ,general ,dalzell1 the terrible enemy of the ,scottish ,covenanters1 was invited to dine with the kaiser1 and the prince-waiter nearest to him in attendance was no less a personage than the ,prince of ,modena1 head of the house of ,este4 ,some years afterwards1 the ,duke of ,york 7,james ,,ii47 invited ,dalzell to dine with himself and ,mary of ,modena4 ,that proud lady1 however1 made some show of reluctance to sit down en famille with the old general2 but the latter lowered her pride by telling her1 that he was not unacquainted with the greatness of the princes of ,modena1 and that the last time he had sat at table with the ,emperor of ,germany1 a prince of that house was standing in attendance behind the emperor's chair4 ,there were other good points about ,dalzell's character2 in proof of which may be cited his dining with ,dundas1 an old ,covenanting ,scotch laird1 who would not forego his long prayers before dinner1 and who especially prayed that ,dalzell and his royal master might have their hard hearts softened towards the ,covenanting children of the ,lord4 ,when the prayer was ended1 and dinner about to begin1 ,dalzell complimented his host on his courage in fearing man less than ,god4 ,the anecdote reminds me of one in connexion with a dinner given by a gentleman of one of our 8,protestant denominations10 in honour of the presence of a new minister and his bride4 ,prayer preceded the repast1 and it was given by the host1 who1 introducing therein the welcomed strangers1 said1 8,we thank thee1 ,o ,lord1 that thou hast conducted hither in safety thy servants1 our new minister and his wife4 ,it is thou1 ,o ,lord1 who preservest both man and beast60 ,this was more like a kick than a compliment2 but it only called up a smile on the pretty features of the minister's lady4 ,let us now cross the ,atlantic1 with ,cortez and his companions1 and contemplate ,montezuma in his household and at his table4 ,barbarian as the ,spanish invaders accounted him to be1 he was superior in many respects to most of his royal contemporaries in ,europe4 ,he was not less magnificent than ,solomon1 and he was far more cleanly than ,louis ,,xiv4 ,on the terraced roof of his palace1 thirty knights could tilt at each other1 without complaining of want of space4 ,his armouries were filled with weapons almost as destructive as any to be found in the arsenals of civilized ,christian kings4 ,his granaries were furnished with provisions paid by tributaries2 three hundred servants tended the beautiful birds of his aviaries2 his menageries were the wonder and terror of beholders2 and his dwarfs were more hideous1 and his ladies more dazzling1 than potentate had ever before looked upon with contempt or admiration4 ,his palace within and without was a marvel of ,aztec art4 ,it was surrounded by gardens1 glad with fountains and gay flowers4 ,one thousand ladies shared the retirement of this splendid locality1 with a master more glittering than anything by which he was environed1--who changed his apparel four times daily1 never putting on again a garment he had once worn1 and who1 eating off and drinking from gold1 7except on state occasions1 when his table was covered with services of ,cholulan porcelain17 never used a second time the vessels which had once ministered to the indulgence of his appetite4 ,it is said eulogistically of his cooks1 that they had thirty different ways of preparing meat1--a poor boast1 perhaps1 compared with that of the ,parisian chefs1 who have six hundred and eighty-five ways to dress eggs6 ,three hundred dishes were daily placed before the monarch2 and such as were required to be kept hot at table were in heated earthenware stands made for the purpose4 ,and it is even asserted1 that this autocrat occasionally killed time before dinner by watching the cooking of his viands1 a practice in which1 according to ,peter ,pinder1 that honest old ,english king used to indulge1 who dined off boiled mutton at two1 and to whom the funniest sight in the world was the clown in a pantomime swallowing carrots4 ,the ordinary dishes of ,montezuma consisted of very dainty fare2 namely1 domestic fowls1 geese1 partridges1 quails1 venison1 ,indian hogs1 pigeons1 hares1 rabbits1 and other productions of his country1 including--it is alleged by some and denied by others--some very choice dairy-fed baby1 when this choice article happened to be in season6 ,in cold weather enormous torches1 that flung forth not only light but warmth and aromatic odours1 lent additional splendour to the scene2 and to temper at once the glare and the heat1 screens with deliciously droll devices upon them1 framed in gold1 were placed before the brilliant flame4 ,the sovereign sat1 like his links1 also protected by a screen4 ,he was not as barbarous as the most ,christian kings of ,france1 who fed in public2 nor was he personally tended like them by awkward ,ganymedes of a middle age4 ,four ,hebes stood by the low throne and table of their master1 and these poured water on his hands1 and offered him the napkin1 white as driven snow1 or as the cloth on which the four hundred dishes stood waiting his attention4 ,women as fair presented him with bread2 but even these fair ministers retired a few steps1 when his sacred majesty addressed himself to the common process of eating4 ,then a number of ancient but sprightly nobles took their place4 ,with these ,montezuma conversed2 and1 when he was particularly pleased with a sage observation or a sprightly remark1 a plate of pudding bestowed by the royal hand made one individual happy1 and all his fellows bitterly jealous4 ,the pudding1 or whatever the dish might be1 was eaten in silent reverence2 and while an ,aztec emperor was at meat1 no one in the palace dared1 at peril of his life1 speak above his breath4 ,montezuma is described as being but a moderate eater1 but fond of fruits1 and indulging1 with constraint upon his appetite1 in certain drinks which were of a stimulating quality1 such as are found in countries where civilization and luxury are at their highest4 8,one thing ,i forgot1 and no wonder10 says ,bernal ,diaz1 8to mention in its place1 and that is1 during the time ,montezuma was at dinner1 two very beautiful women were busily employed making small cakes1 with eggs and other things mixed therein4 ,these were delicately white1 and when made1 they presented them to him on plates covered with napkins4 ,also1 another kind of bread was brought to him on long leaves1 and plates of cakes resembling wafers4 ,after he had dined1 they presented to him three little canes1 highly ornamented1 containing liquid amber1 mixed with a herb they call tobacco2 and when he had sufficiently viewed and heard the singers1 dancers1 and buffoons1 he took a little of the smoke of one of those canes1 and then laid himself down to sleep4 ,the meal of the monarch ended1 all his guards and attendants sat down to dinner1 and1 as near as ,i could judge1 about a thousand plates of those eatables that ,i have mentioned1 were laid before them1 with vessels of foaming chocolate1 and fruit in immense quantities4 ,for his women and various inferior servants1 his establishment was of a prodigious expense1 and we were astonished1 amid such a profusion1 at the vast regularity that prevailed40 ,what a contrast with the meal of this splendid barbarian is that of princes of the same complexion1 but of different race1 the ,arab6 ,we may fittingly include among sovereigns those ,arab princes whose word1 if it be not heeded far1 is promptly obeyed within the little circle of their rule4 ,skins on the ground serve for table-cloths2 the dishes are1 in their contents1 only the reflection of each other1 and in the centre of the array whole lambs or sheep lie boiled or roasted4 ,the chief and his followers dine in successive relays of company4 ,sometimes the skin is spread before the door of the tent1 whether in a street or in the plain1 and the passers-by1 even to the beggars1 invited with a 8,bismillah10 ,in ,god's name1 fall to2 and having eaten1 exclaim1 8,hamdallilah60 ,god be praised6 and go their way4 ,not less may we include1 in the roll of ,majesty at ,meat1 those ,pilgrim ,fathers who were the pioneers of civilization and liberty in ,america4 ,scant indeed was the table of that 8sovereign people10 until they found security to sow seed1 and reap the harvest in something like peace4 ,the first meal which they enjoyed1 after long months of labour1 disease1 and famine1 was when they had constructed the little fort at ,plymouth1 behind which they might eat in safety and thankfulness4 8,the captain10 says ,mr4 ,bartlett1 in his 8,pilgrim ,fathers10 8had brought with him #8a very fat goose1' and those on shore had #8a fat crane1 and a mallard1' and #8a dried neat's tongue4' ,this fare was1 no doubt1 washed down with good ,english beer and strong waters2 and thus1 notwithstanding the gloom that hung over them1 the day passed cheerfully and sociably away40 ,such was the first official dinner of the 8majesty of the people0 beyond the ,atlantic4 ,and having got to the 8majesty of the people10 ,i am reminded of a 8popular majesty10 the citizen king1 ,louis ,philippe4 ,he was a monarch economically minded1 and kept the most modest yet not worst furnished of tables4 ,his family often sate down before he arrived1 detained as he often was by state affairs4 ,when all rose as he quietly entered the dining-room1 his stereotyped phrase was1 8,que personne ne se drange pour moi10 and therewith ensued as little ceremony as when 8,william ,smith0 and his household sate down to an uncrowned dinner at the little inn at ,newhaven4 ,they who are curious to see how admirably ,louis ,philippe was constituted for making a poor-law commissioner1 or a parochial relieving overseer1 should peruse the graphic biography of the king written by ,alexander ,dumas4 ,therein is a list1 made out by the monarch1 of what he thought was sufficient for the table of the princes and princesses2 and ,louis of ,orleans condescends to name the number of plates of soup1 or cups of coffee1 that he deemed sufficient for the requirement and support of the younger branches of his house4 ,it shows that the soul of a crafty 8gargottier0 was in the body of the citizen king4 ,but we have not yet contemplated the appearance and behaviour of our own sovereigns at table1 out of respect for whom we now allot a chapter1 but a brief one1 to themselves4 ,,english ,,kings ,,at ,,their ,,tables4 ,the utilitarians of history have declared that half our treasured incidents of story are myths4 ,rufus was not slain by ,sir ,walter ,tyrrell2 ,richard ,,iii4 was a marvellously proper man2 and the young princes were not smothered in the ,tower4 ,they have laid their hands on our legends1 as ,augustus did his on the nose of the dead ,alexander1 and with the same effect1--under the touch it crumbled into dust4 ,the infidels refuse even to have faith in that table trait of ,alfred1 which showed him making cakes1 or rather marring them1 in the neatherd's cottage4 ,mr4 ,wilkie may have prettily painted the incident1 but its existence1 anywhere but on canvas and in the poet's brain1 they ruthlessly deny4 ,i do not know but that they are right4 ,we march into the bowels of more trustworthy ground1 when we pass the frontier of the ,roman period4 ,william the ,norman we know had a huge appetite for venison2 and the ,saxon chronicler says1 that he loved the 8high deer0 as if he had been their father1 which is but an equivocal compliment to his paternal affection4 ,his table indulgences cost the life of hundreds1 and the ruin of tens of hundreds4 ,it brought on corpulency2 his corpulency begot a poor joke in ,philip of ,france2 and of this joke was born such wrath in the soul of ,william1 that he carried fire and sword into that kingdom1 and was cut short in his career1 ere he had accomplished the full measure of his revenge4 ,rufus was as fat as his father1 and as majestic both in his oaths and his appetites4 ,to every passion he yielded himself a slave2 and he feasted1 like so many who would affect to be disgusted at his dishonesty1 without troubling himself as to who 8suffered40 ,he never paid a creditor whom he could cheat2 and again1 like many of the same class1 he was most affable at table2 his drinking companions were on an equality with him2 and in such fellowship1 over gross food and huge goblets mantling to the brim1 he cut unclean jokes on his own unclean deeds1 at which his servile and drunken hearers roared consumedly1 and swore he was a god4 ,there was some grandeur in his ideas1 however1 for he built ,westminster ,hall1 as a vestibule to a palace1 wherein he intended to hold high revel such as the world had never seen2 and a vestibule it has now become1 but to a palace wherein sits a different sort of dignity to that dreamed of by the low-statured1 fat1 fierce1 and huge feeding ,rufus4 ,all the ,norman kings were fearful objects at which to fling jokes2 and the appetite of ,henry ,i4 was ruined1 and his sanguinary ire aroused1 by a derisive passage in a poem by ,luke de ,barr4 ,the king made the table shake as he declared that he would let wretched versifiers know what they were to expect if they offended the ,king of ,england2 and ,barr suffered the loss of his eyes4 ,henry ate and drank none the less joyously for the dead4 ,but ,beauclerc was a more refined gastronome than his brothers1 as befitted his name2 and though in many respects his court was horribly licentious1 yet when he went from one demesne to another1 to consume its revenues upon the spot1 the feasting there seems to have been attended by as much moderation as merriment4 ,stephen had more to do with fighting than feasting1 and with keeping castles rather than cooks2 but he knew how to gain allies by the fine science of giving dinners1 and there was no more courteous host than he4 ,while the king and the barons kept high mirth1 however1 the people were in the lowest misery4 ,while the king gave political feasts1 his subjects were perishing of starvation by thousands4 ,his successor1 the ,second ,henry1 was but a poor patron of cooks1 as was to be expected of a monarch who had continually to defend himself against the rebellions1 not only of subjects1 but of his own children4 ,of the latter1 the only one who loved him was his natural son ,geoffrey4 ,it is no wonder that this melancholy king was the first to do away with the old custom of having a coronation dinner thrice every year1 on assembling the ,states at the three great festivals4 ,he was ever in the midst of affrays2 and once he fell among a body of monks1 who checked their turbulence to complain to the king2 their complaint being that their abbot1 the ,bishop of ,winchester1 had cut off three dishes from their table4 8,how many has he left you80 said the king4 8,good heavens60 said the monks1 8he has only left us ten40 8,ten60 said the monarch2 8,i am content with but three2 and ,i hope your bishop will reduce you to a level with your king40 ,they1 of course1 were highly disgusted at the remark4 ,richard ,cur de ,lion1 that copper monarch1 was too busy with mischief to have leisure for much banqueting2 but he loved one thing1 and that was venison1 the poor stealers of which he punished by the most horrible of mutilations4 ,in his reign1 an ox and a horse cost four shillings each2 a sow was to be bought for a shilling2 a sheep with fine wool1 for tenpence1 and with coarse wool1 for sixpence2 so that1 taking into account the difference in the valuation of money1 people who had the money to purchase with1 could procure mutton and pork at a rate about a dozen times cheaper than the same articles can be procured at now4 ,the sovereign did not trouble himself about paying anybody2 and when he gave a banquet1 the very last thing he thought of was whether it were ever paid for or not4 ,richard had no virtue but courage2 and ,john resembled his worthless brother in every thing but courage4 ,he had the same love for venison2 and a joke at dinner upon a fat haunch1 which he said had come from a noble beast that had never heard mass1 was looked upon by the clerical gentlemen present as a reflection upon their corpulency4 ,they never forgot it2 and it was1 perhaps1 partly a consequence of their retentive memory1 that the monks of ,swineshead poisoned the dish of which the king partook on the occasion of almost his last dinner4 ,he certainly never enjoyed another4 ,henry ,,iii4 was the first of our kings whose reign exceeded half-a-century in duration4 ,he was a moderate man1 loved plain fare1 and cared more for masses than merriment4 ,he was an easy1 indolent monarch1 with troubles enough to have fired him to activity2 but he would have given half his realm for the privilege of daily dining in peace and quietness1 a boon seldom vouchsafed to him4 ,his subjects must have dined as ill as himself1 if we may judge by the extraordinary variation in the prices of articles of consumption during his reign4 ,thus the price of wheat1 for instance1 varied from one shilling to a pound a quarter4 ,the royal statute upon ale rather displeased all citizens of this period1 for by it the price was fixed at a halfpenny per gallon in cities1 while in the country the same quantity might be sold for a farthing4 ,a gallon of ale for a halfpenny ought1 however1 to have satisfied the most thirsty of drinkers4 ,the frugal ,edward ,i4 very little patronised either eating or drinking1 beyond what nature required4 ,he was a very moderate wine-drinker1 but he exceedingly offended those who were otherwise1 by imposing a duty of two shillings a tun on all wine imported1 over and above the old existing duty4 ,the unlucky ,edward ,,ii4 was to the first ,edward1 what ,louis ,,xvi4 was to ,louis ,,xiv41 the scape-goat for the crimes of a predecessor and tyrant too powerful to be resisted4 ,the banqueting-room of this ,edward1 however1 was1 as is often the case with such princes1 oftener used than the council-room1 and the favourites feasted with their weak lord until rebellion marred the festivity4 ,there never was a merrier reign 7despite public calamity7 closed by so terrible a murder as that of this king1 whose last dinner would have almost disgusted a dog4 ,edward ,,iii4 was a gorgeous patroniser of the culinary art2 the cooks and his guests adored him2 and ,windsor ,castle1 which he built as a fortress and a pleasaunce1 is a monument of his power and his taste4 ,but his love for good cheer was imitated by his subjects to their ruin2 and king and parliament interfered to remedy by penalty1 what might have been obviated by good example4 ,servants were prohibited from eating flesh1 meat1 or fish1 above once a day4 ,by another law1 it was ordained that no one should be allowed1 either for dinner or supper1 above three dishes in each course1 and not above two courses2 and it is likewise expressly declared that soused meat is to count as one of these dishes4 ,and of these laws ,i will only observe1 that if they were obeyed1 servants and citizens of the days of ,edward ,,iii4 were a very different class of people from what they are at present4 ,when it is stated of ,richard ,,ii4 that two thousand cooks and three hundred servitors were employed in the royal kitchen1 we think we become acquainted with the gastronomic tastes of that unhappy king4 ,but as he was one of those whose virtues were his own1 and his vices were of others' making1 so this ,sardanapalian array of cooks was kept up by those who ruled from behind the throne1 and finally left the king to starve1 despite his counting cooks by thousands4 ,his chief cuisinier is known only by the initials ,c4 ,s4 ,s41 under which he wrote a culinary work in ,english1 8,on the ,forme of ,cury40 ,in this work1 he speaks of poor ,richard1 his royal master1 as the 8best and royallest viander of all ,christian kynges40 ,henry ,,iv4 kept a princely but not a profuse table4 ,he was the first king in ,england whose statutes may be said to have acted as a check on the freedom of after-dinner conversation upon religious matters2 for in his reign took place the first execution in ,england1 on account of opinions connected with matters of faith4 ,the household expenses of this monarch are set down at something less than #bj1jjj per annum of the money of the time2 and this sum1 moderate enough1 appears to have been fairly applied to the purposes for which it was intended4 ,a porpoise was a fashionable dish in the time of ,henry ,v41 who first had it at the royal table1 and thus sanctioned its use at tables of lower degree4 ,loyal folks in those days copied the example set them by their sovereign1 as they did in the later days of ,george ,,iii4 boiled mutton and caper sauce1 when country gentlemen 8dined like the king1 sir1 at two o'clock40 ,but ,henry ,v4 was oppressed with debts1 and1 like many men in similar positions1 his banquets were all the more splendid1 and his prodigality was equal to his liabilities4 ,so extravagant a monarch bequeathed but a poor inheritance to ,henry ,,vi41 who was occasionally as hard put to it for a dinner as ever the ,second ,charles was4 ,when ,edward ,,iv4 jumped into poor ,henry's seat1 he found a host of angry persons who disputed his power1 and these he took care to conciliate by the most powerful1 nay irresistible means that were ever applied to the solution of a difficulty1 or the removal of an obstruction4 ,he simply invited them to dinner2 and1 certainly1 up to that time ,england had never seen a king who gave dinners on so extravagantly profuse a scale4 ,they were marked1 however1 by something of a barbaric splendour2 and the monarch1 gay and glittering as he was1 dazzling in dress1 and overwhelmingly exuberant of spirits1 was more like ,william de la ,marck than any more knightly host4 ,in short1 ,edward was but a coarse beast at table4 8,in homine tam corpulento10 says the ,croyland chronicler1 8tantis sodalitiis1 vanitatibus1 crapulis1 luxuriis et cupiditatibus dedito10--a sort of testimonial to character which neither monarch nor man could be justified in being proud of4 ,the young ,edward ,v4 is the 8petit ,dauphin0 of ,english history1 but with a less cruel destiny1 for he was at least not starved to death1 amid dirt1 darkness1 and terror1 but mercifully1 if roughly1 murdered1 and so saved from the long and yet unexpiated assassination of the innocent and helpless ,louis ,,xvii4 ,his murderer sought to make people forget the heinousness of his crime1 by the double splendour of his coronation dinners4 ,the ceremony and the festival took place1 not only in ,london1 but in ,york2 and ,richard hoped he had feasted both the northern and southern provinces into sentiments of loyalty4 ,a curious incident preceded the first dinner1--the anointing of himself and consort at the coronation4 ,there is nothing singular in the fact1 but there is in the manner of it4 ,richard and his queen stripped themselves naked to the waist1 in order that the unction might be more liberally poured over them1--and in ,richard's own case1 perhaps for another reason1 that the great nobles who were present might see that they were not about to sit down to dinner with a sovereign who was as deformed in body as his enemies declared him to be4 ,almost all young readers of history take their first permanent idea of ,henry ,,vii4 from that gallant ,richmond1 in ,shakspeare's ,tragedy1 who comes in like an avenging angel1 at the beginning of the fifth act1 and has it all his own generous way1 until he sticks 8the bloody and devouring bear10 and sends a note to ,elizabeth to come and be married4 ,this ,elizabeth1 by the way1 was the good mother of ,henry ,,viii41 and she was the only woman for whom that capricious prince ever felt a spark of pure affection4 ,his love and respect for her were permanent1 and the fact merits to be recorded4 ,but to return to ,henry ,,vii41 and to conduct him to the dinner-table1 where alone we have present business with him2 ,i do not know that ,i can find a better 8trait0 touching himself and his times1 than one connected with his royal visit to ,york4 ,he was received in the city with more than ordinary ceremony1 and loudly-expressed delight at the sight of his 8sweet-favoured0 face2 8some casting out of obles and wafers1 and some casting out of comfits in great quantities1 as it had been hailstones1 for joy and rejoicing of the king's coming40 ,but ,i must pass over the outward show--how ,augustans1 ,franciscans1 ,carmelites1 and ,dominicans met him at ,micklegate1 and how these1 with priors1 and friars1 and canons of hospitals1 and priests1 and knights1 and noble1 and gentle1 and simple1 accompanied the monarch to the ,minster1 and thence to the archbishop's palace1 where ,henry resided during his stay in the northern capital4 ,the grandest banquet given to him during his sojourn1 was in this palace1 on the eve of the festival of ,st4 ,george3 the great hall was divided into a centre and two aisles4 ,in each division there were two tables1 half-a-dozen in all4 ,the king sat at the centre table1 arrayed in all the pomp and glory of a king2--,george and garter1 crown1 and ,england's sceptre4 ,one individual only was esteemed worthy of being seated at the same table1 namely1 the ,archbishop of ,york1 who was quite as powerful a man1 in his way1 as ,henry ,tudor himself4 ,knights carved the joints1 and earls waited upon prince and prelate4 ,lord ,scrope1 of ,bolton1 because he was a ,knight of the ,garter1 served the king with water2 another member of chivalry handed the cup1 and the sovereign's meat was especially carved for him by a ,welsh cousin1 ,sir ,david ,owen4 ,the distribution of the other tables exhibited a judicious mixture of priest and layman4 ,at the first table in the centre of the hall 7the cross-table at the top being occupied by the king and the archbishop7 sat two secular dignitaries1 the ,lords ,chancellor and ,privy ,seal1 and with them1 the ,abbots of ,st4 ,mary and ,fountains1 with the archbishop's suffragans1 other prelates1 and the royal chaplains2 thus the chief members of the clergy were seated in greatest numbers near the king4 ,the second table was entirely occupied by lay nobility1 earls1 barons1 knights and esquires of the king's body4 ,of the two tables in the right aisle1 the city clergy and the ,minster choir occupied one to themselves4 ,at the upper end of the other table were several knights of the garter1 all sitting on one side1 8and beneath them a void space1 and then other honest persons filled that table40 ,we are glad to fall on the term 8other honest10 or we might have been tempted to believe that a distinction was made between honesty and nobility4 ,the tables in the left aisle were occupied1 one by the municipal authorities and other citizen guests2 the second by the judges1 8and beneath them other honest persons10 again4 ,at the rear of the king's table a stage was erected1 on which stood the royal officer of arms1 who cried his 8largesse0 three times1 in the usual manner1 and doubtless with something of the stentorian powers made familiar to us by the late ,mr4 ,toole1 and the present loud and lively ,mr4 ,harker4 8,the surnape10 we are told1 8was drawn by ,sir ,john ,turberville1 the knight-marshal2 and after the dinner there was a voide1 when the king and his nobles put off their robes of state1 except such as were knights of the garter1 who rode to even-song1 attired in the habit of their order20 and a very fitting close to a feast1--and a good example is held forth therein to all who rise from a festival without any more thought of being thankful for it1 than is implied by trying to find out the reflection of their nose in the mahogany4 ,the following table story1 cited by ,southey1 furnishes another illustration of social1 and1 indeed1 of political1 life about this time3-- 8,henry 7then ,richmond71 on his march from ,milford1 lodged one night with his friend ,david ,llwyd1 at ,matha'farn4 ,david had the reputation of seeing into the future1 and ,richmond1 whether in superstition or compliment1 privately inquired of him1 what would be the issue of his adventure4 ,such a question1 he was told1 was too important to be immediately answered1 but in the morning a reply should be made4 ,the wife of ,david saw that her husband was unusually grave during the evening2 and having learnt the cause1 she said1 #8,how can you have any difficulty about your answer8 ,tell him he will succeed gloriously4 ,if he does1 you will receive honours and rewards4 ,but1 if it fail1 depend upon it1 he will never come here to reproach you4'0 ,hence1 it is said1 a ,welsh proverb1 8,a wife's advice without asking it40 ,henry ,,viii4 loved to take a quiet dinner1 occasionally1 with his chancellor1 at ,chelsea2 and there he would walk in the garden1 with his arm round that neck which he afterwards flung beneath the axe of the executioner4 ,he was given to indulgences of all sorts1 and with respect to those of the appetite and palate1 he was well served by his incomparable clerk of the kitchen1 honest and clever ,william ,thynne1 who was not a mere clerk of the kitchen1 but a gentleman and scholar to boot2 loving poetry though he was no poet1 and editing ,chaucer with as much zeal as that with which he regulated the accounts of his kitchen clerkship4 ,henry ate not wisely1 but too well2 and this huge feeding brought him at last to such a size1 that he could not be moved but by aid of 8a machine40 ,in other words1 ,i suppose1 he could not walk1 and was compelled to submit to locomotion in a chair4 ,among the sovereigns who assembled at the ,congress of ,vienna1 and who were as strangely there together as the half-dozen kings whom ,candide met at the table d'hte in ,venice1 was that monster of a man1 the ,king of ,wurtemburg4 ,this mountain of flesh dined daily at the imperial table1 where a semicircular piece was cut out of the mahogany1 in order that the stomach of the monarch might rest comfortably against the table1 when engaged in its appropriate work4 ,he did not lack wit for abounding in fatness1 and to him1 ,i believe1 is properly attributed the neat saying1 when he saw ,lord ,castlereagh in simple civilian's dress1 without a star1 amid the gold lace1 gems1 jewels1 ties1 tags1 and glittering uniforms of the crowd around him4 ,the king asked who he was1 and on being informed1 he remarked3 8,ma foi6 il est bien distingu60 ,he could not have paid the same compliment to the noble ,stewart's wife1 if it be true1 as was reported1 that at one of the state-dinners1 or state balls1 she appeared with her husband's jewelled garter1 worn as a bandeau1 and 8,honi soit qui mal y pense0 burning in diamonds upon her forehead4 ,may it not have been the unpleasant effects of ,henry's gastronomic indulgences that made of him a dabbler in medicine8 ,many of his prescriptions in his own handwriting are still extant1 and some of them are in the ,british ,museum4 ,he invented a plaister1 and was the concocter of more than one original ointment for the cure of indigestion4 ,he also prepared 8a plaister for the ,lady ,ann of ,cleves1 to mollify and lessen certain swellings proceeding from cold1 and to dissipate the boils on the stomach40 ,his majesty in some of his after-dinner ruminations professed also to have discovered a remedy for the plague2 the prescription for which he sent to the lord mayor4 ,he was very tender of the health of ,wolsey1 when the cardinal little regarded his own4 ,his majesty1 on one occasion1 counsels his minister1 if he would soon be relieved from 8the sweating10 to take light suppers1 and to drink wine very moderately1 and to use a certain kind of pill4 ,i do not know if ,henry's cookery and kitchen at all smelt of unorthodoxy before the ,reformation1 but it is a fact that1 when ,cardinal ,campeggio came over here on the business of the divorce of ,henry and ,catherine1 he was especially charged by the ,pope to look into the state of cookery in ,england generally1 and in the royal palace in particular4 ,the royal table of ,elizabeth was a solemnity indeed4 ,but it was all a majestically stupendous sham4 ,the attendants thrice bent their knee as they approached to offer her the different dishes2 and when these ceremonies had been gone through1 the queen rose and retired to a private room1 where the meats were placed before her1 and she was left to dine as comfortably as the citizens and their wives of ,eastcheap and ,aldersgate4 ,among the numerous new year's gifts made to ,elizabeth1 and by which she contrived to maintain a splendid wardrobe1 gifts of good things for her table were not wanting4 ,one of her physicians presented her with a box of foreign sweetmeats2 another doctor with a pot of green ginger2 while her apothecaries gave her boxes of lozenges1 ginger-candy1 and other conserves4 8,mrs4 ,morgan gave a box of cherries and one of apricots40 ,the queen's master-cook and her serjeant of the pastry presented her with various confectionary and preserves4 ,elizabeth and her 8maids0 both dined and breakfasted upon very solid principles and materials4 ,beef and beer were consumed at breakfast1--8a repast for a ploughman60 it may be said4 ,alas6 ploughmen are content1 or seem so1 to strengthen their sinews as they best may of a morning with poor bread and worse tea4 ,elizabeth made a truly royal bird of the goose1--a distinction which her sister ,mary failed to give to the cygnet1 the stork1 and the crane4 ,these no more suited the national taste than that ,crimean delicacy1 a ,russian oyster1 and which all ,englishmen who have tasted thereof pronounce to be a poisonous dab of rancid putty4 ,yet ,russian princes are fond thereof1 and ,russian sovereigns order them for especial favourites2--just as the ,prince ,regent1 whenever ,lord ,eldon was to dine at ,carlton ,house1 always commanded the chancellor's favourite dish to be placed near him1--liver and bacon4 ,the household expenditure of ,james ,i4 amounted to #ajj1jjj sterling yearly2 double the sum required for the same purpose by ,elizabeth2 and if 8cock a leekie0 and 8haggis0 were dishes to which his national taste gave fashion1 the more foreign delicacies of snails and legs of frogs1 dressed in a variety of ways1 were readily eaten by the very daintiest of feeders4 ,the taste of the purveyors was1 however1 something clumsy4 ,what would now be said if a chef sent up to table four huge pigs1 belted and harnessed with ropes of sausages1 and all tied together to a monstrous bag-pudding8 ,the court of ,james ,i4 was uncleanly enough1 but it was made worse by the example of the ,danish king and his courtiers1 on the royal visit to the ,stuart4 8,the ,danish custom of drinking healths was scrupulously observed1 and in a company of even twenty or thirty1 every person's health was required to be drunk in rotation2 sometimes a lady or an absent patron was toasted on the knees1 and1 as a proof of love or loyalty1 the pledger's blood was even mingled with the wine40 ,it is well known that the ladies of the court1 as well as the gentlemen1 got 8beastly drunk10 in honour of the visit of the ,king of ,denmark to his sister1 the consort of ,james ,i4 ,james1 whose taste in gastronomy was not a very delicate one1 used to say that if ever he were called upon to provide a dinner for the devil1 his bill of fare should consist of 8a pig1 a poll of ling and mustard1 and a pipe of tobacco for digestion40 ,there was more temperance under ,charles ,i41 and increased moderation under the ,commonwealth1 when ,cromwell's table was remarkable for its simplicity4 ,the civic feasts of those days were also distinguished by their decorous sobriety2 and it is1 perhaps1 worth noticing that the 8show0 followed1 and did not precede the dinner4 ,charles ,i4 was served with a world of old-fashioned ceremony1 not unlike that which ought to have made ,louis ,,xiv4 very uncomfortable4 ,the fact1 however1 is1 that both monarchs were pleased with the cumbrous solemnities of state1 and nothing affected our ,english king more in his fallen fortunes than the rude service which he received at the hands of the ,puritan servitors of whose masters he was the captive4 ,when he was in durance at ,windsor1 his meat was brought to him uncovered1 and carried without any observance of respectful form1 by the common soldiers4 ,no trial or 8say0 of the meats was made2 no cup presented on the knee4 ,this absence of ceremony wounded ,charles to the very quick4 ,it chafed him more than greater sorrows did subsequently4 ,it was1 he observed1 the refusal to him of a service which was paid1 according to ancient custom1 to many of his subjects2 and rather than submit to the humiliation1 he chose to diminish the number of dishes1 and to take his meals in strict privacy4 ,there are few kings who had such variety of experience in matters of the table as ,charles ,,ii4 ,the first spoonful of medicine that was offered him he resisted with a determined aversion which never left him for that sort of pabulum4 ,his table was but simple enough during the latter years of his father1 but it was worse after the fatal day of ,worcester4 ,he was glad then1 at ,white ,lady's1 to eat 8bread and cheese1 such as we could get1 it being just beginning to be day20 and 8bread1 cheese1 small beer1 and nothing else10 sufficed him in the oak4 ,bread1 butter1 ale and sack1 he swallowed in country inns1 and seemed rather to look on the masquerade and the meals as a joke4 ,when he was lying hid in ,spring ,coppice1 the goodwife ,yates brought to his most sacred majesty 8a mess of milk1 some butter1 and eggs10--better fare than the parched peas which were found1 in after days1 in the pocket of the fugitive ,monmouth4 ,the women provided for him as tenderly in his hour of hunger and trial1 as their ebony sisters did for ,mungo ,park in his ,african solitude4 ,when ,charles arrived at the house at ,boscobel1 he 8ate bread and cheese heartily10 and 7as an extraordinary71 8,william ,penderell's wife made his majesty a posset of fine milk and small beer1 and got ready some warm water to wash his feet1 not only extremely dirty1 but much galled with travel40 ,the king1 in return1 called the lady 8my dame ,joan10 and the condescension quickened her hospitality2 for shortly after1 she 8provided some chickens for his majesty's supper1 a dainty he had not lately been acquainted with40 ,but the king and his followers not only longed for more substantial fare1 but were not very scrupulous as to the means of obtaining it4 ,colonel ,carlis1 for instance1 went into the sheepcot of a farmer residing near ,boscobel1 and like an impudent as well as a hungry thief 8he chose one of the best sheep1 sticks him with his dagger1 then sends ,william for the mutton1 who brings him home on his back40 ,the next morning was a ,sunday morning1 and ,charles1 having muttered his prayers1 went eagerly to the parlour to look after the stolen mutton4 ,it was hardly cold1 but ,will ,penderell 8brought a leg of it into the parlour2 his majesty called for a knife and a trencher1 and cut some of it into collops1 and pricked them with the knife-point1 then called for a frying-pan and butter1 and fried the collops himself1 of which he ate heartily40 ,colonel ,carlis1 the while1 being but under-cook 7and that1 honour enough too71 made the fire1 and turned the collops in the pan4 8,when the colonel10 adds the faithful ,blount1 who records this table trait1 8afterwards attended his majesty in ,france1 his majesty1 calling to remembrance this passage among others1 was pleased merely to propose it1 as a problematical question1 whether himself or the colonel were the master-cook at ,boscobel1 and the supremacy was of right adjudged to his majesty40 ,circumstances which made of the royal adventurer a king were the spoiling of an excellent cook4 ,when he was secretly sojourning at ,trent1 his meat was1 for the most part1 to prevent the danger of discovery1 dressed in his own chamber2 8the cookery whereof served him for some divertisement of the time40 ,the king better understood cookery as a science than the machinery of it4 ,when he stood in the kitchen of ,mr4 ,tombs's house at ,longmarston1 disguised as 8,will ,jackson10 the busy cook-maid bade him wind up the jack4 8,will ,jackson0 was obedient and attempted it1 but hit not the right way1 which made the maid in some passion ask1 8,what countryman are you1 that you know not how to wind up a jack80 ,will ,jackson answered very satisfactorily1 8,i am a poor tenant's son of ,colonel ,lane1 in ,staffordshire4 ,we seldom have roast meat1 but when we have1 we don't make use of a jack20 which in some measure assuaged the maid's indignation4 ,never had the sacredness of majesty been in such peril since the period when ,alfred marred instead of made the cakes of the neatherd's angry wife4 ,but ,charles escaped to his rather hungry exile in ,france2--and see1 how sweet are the uses of adversity6 ,when this charming prince was restored to the throne1 he brought with him two gifts of which the nation had heard little for some years2--one was the ,church ,liturgy1 and the other1 8,god d--n ye10--a fashionable phrase which has tumbled from the court to the alley4 ,it can hardly be said that ,charles1 when king1 fulfilled the requirement which ,lord ,chesterfield subsequently laid down1 when he insisted that a man should be gentleman-like even in his vices4 ,when ,william of ,orange came to ,england as the suitor of the king's niece1 the ,princess ,mary1 ,charles took an unclean delight in making the ,dutchman drunk4 ,evelyn says3--8,one night1 at a supper given by the ,duke of ,buckingham1 the king made him 7,william7 drink very hard2 the heavy ,dutchman was naturally averse to it1 but being once entered1 was the most frolicsome of the company2 and now the mind took him to break the windows of the chambers of the maids of honour2 and he had got into their apartments had they not been timely rescued4 ,his mistress1 ,i suppose10 adds ,evelyn1 and it is a strange comment for so sensible a man1 8did not like him the worse for such a notable indication of his vigour40 ,the monarch who made his paulo-post successor drunk had little difficulty to bring the lord mayor of ,london into the same condition2 and the city potentate and his 8cousin the king0 had that terrible 8other bottle0 together1 in which men's reason ordinarily makes shipwreck1 with their dignity4 ,but his majesty1 of blessed memory1 was a trifle devout after his drink1 and on the 8next morning0 he heard anthems in his chapel1 and1 by way of devotion1 would lean over his own pew and play with the curls of ,lady ,castlemaine1 who occupied the next seat to that of 8our most religious and gracious king40 ,when he was pouring the public money into the lap of that precious lady1 he was leaving his own servants unpaid2 and1 on one occasion1 when these could not obtain their salaries1 they carried off their royal master's linen1 and left him without a clean shirt or a table-cloth6 ,the priests with whom ,louis ,,xiv4 and ,louis ,,xv4 used to transact their religion were wont to excuse all the conjugal infidelities of those anointed reprobates by remarking that they ever treated their consorts with the very greatest politeness4 ,the poets of ,charles's days went further1 and extolled his marital affection4 ,waller1 for instance1 congratulates the poor queen1 that if she were ill1 ,charles was by to tend and weep over her3-- 8,but1 that which may relieve our care ,is1 that you have a help so near ,for all the evil you can prove2 ,the kindness of your ,royal ,love4 ,he that was never known to mourn ,so many kingdoms from him torn1 ,his tears reserved for you2 more dear1 ,more prized1 than all those kingdoms were6 ,for when no healing art prevail'd1 ,when cordials and elixirs fail'd1 ,on your pale cheek he dropt the shower1 ,revived you like a dying flower40 ,the illness referred to was a spotted fever2 and here is ,pepys' plain prose on the subject3--8#bjth ,october1 #affc4 ,this evening1 at my lord's lodgings1 ,mrs4 ,sarah1 talking with my wife and ,i1 how the queen do1 and how the king tends her1 being so ill4 ,she tells us that the queen's sickness is the spotted fever2 that she was as full of the spots as a leopard1 which is very strange that it should be no more known2 but perhaps it is not so2 and that the king do seem to take it much to heart1 for that he hath wept before her2 but for all that he hath not missed one night since she was sick1 of supping with my lady ,castlemaine2 which ,i believe is true2 for she says that her husband hath dressed the suppers every night2 and ,i confess ,i saw him myself coming through the street1 dressing up a great supper to-night1 which ,sarah also says is for the king and her1 which is a very strange thing40 ,oh1 depth of royal grief1 that required light suppers and light ladies for its solace6 ,the ,spectator has preserved for us a pleasant story illustrative both of royal and citizen good-fellowship1 in the reign of ,charles ,,ii41 and in the person of the king and that of his jolly lord mayor1 ,sir ,robert ,viner4 ,the merry monarch had been dining with the chief magistrate and the municipality1 at ,guildhall1 where he had not drunk so deeply himself but he was aware that the jollity of his entertainers was beginning to render them rather oblivious of the respect due to their royal guest4 ,he accordingly1 with a curt farewell1 slipped away down to his coach1 which was awaiting him in ,guildhall-yard4 ,but the lord mayor forthwith pursued the runaway1 and overtaking him in the yard1 seized him by the skirts of his coat1 and swore roundly that he should not go till they 8had drank t'other bottle60 8,the airy monarch10 says the narrator in the ,spectator1 8looked kindly at him over his shoulder1 and with a smile and graceful air 7for ,i saw him at the time1 and do now71 repeated this line of the old song3-- 8#8,and the man that is drunk is as great as a king6' 8and immediately turned back1 and complied with his landlord40 ,this anecdote1 however1 though it be given on the authority of an alleged eye-witness1 is probably over-coloured with regard to the conduct of his worship the mayor4 ,mr4 ,peter ,cunningham quotes 7in his story of ,nell ,gwyn7 from ,henry ,sidney's ,diary1 a letter addressed to ,sidney by his sister the ,countess ,dowager of ,sutherland1 and which refers to the incident of the visit of ,charles to ,guildhall4 ,the letter in question was written five years after the mayoralty of ,sir ,robert ,viner4 8,the king had supped with the lord mayor1 and the aldermen on the occasion had drunk the king's health1 over and over1 upon their knees1 wishing every one hanged and damned that would not serve him with their lives and fortunes4 ,but this was not all4 ,as his guards were drunk1 or said to be so1 they would not trust his majesty with so insecure an escort1 but attended him themselves to ,whitehall1 and1 as the lady-writer observes1 #8all went merry out of the king's cellar4' ,so much was this accessibility of manner in the king acceptable to his people1 that the mayor and his brethren waited next day at ,whitehall1 to return thanks to the king and duke for the honour they had done them1 and the mayor1 confirmed by this reception1 was changed from an ill to a well-affected subject40 ,but as this merry mourner lived1 so may he almost be said to have died4 ,it will be remembered with what disgust ,evelyn records the scene at ,whitehall1 a week before the king's decease3--8,i can never forget10 he says1 8the inexpressible luxury and profaneness1 gaming and all dissoluteness1 and as it were total neglectfulness of ,god1 it being ,sunday evening1 which this day sennight ,i was witness of1 the king sitting and toying with his concubines1 ,portsmouth1 ,cleveland1 ,mazarine1 c42 a ,french boy singing love-songs in that glorious gallery2 whilst about twenty of the great courtiers and other dissolute persons were at basset1 round a large table1 a bank of at least two thousand pounds in gold before them1 upon which two gentlemen who were with me made reflections in astonishment4 ,six days after1 all was in the dust40 ,there was more meanness1 but not more decency1 under ,james ,,ii41 but his queen more deeply resented1 and that in public1 at dinner1 the insults levelled at her4 ,when ,mrs4 ,sedly1 in #afhf1 was created ,countess of ,dorchester1 the day on which the nomination passed the ,great ,seal1 and indeed on a subsequent occasion1 the queen showed how she was touched by the honours paid to a brazen concubine4 8,the queen10 says ,evelyn1 8took it very grievously1 so as for two dinners1 standing near her1 ,i observed she hardly ate one morsel1 nor spake one word to the king1 or to any about her2 though at other times she used to be extremely pleasant1 full of discourse and good-humour40 ,such is one of the table traits of the time of ,james ,,ii4 ,there is little to be said of ,william ,,iii41 save that he kept a well-regulated table1 and was excessively angry if he detected any faults in the service4 ,he is described as being kind1 cordial1 open1 even convivial and jocose4 ,he would sit at table many hours1 and would bear his full share in festive conversation4 ,burnet1 ,i think1 somewhere intimates1 but ,i cannot recollect the precise words1 that he was something more than moderately given to ,hollands4 ,as much1 indeed1 has been said of ,queen ,anne4 ,but ,anne was inclined to indulge in good living1 and her doctor1 ,lister1 had as many gastronomic propensities as herself4 ,lister entered into the minuti of the kitchen with the exactness of an apothecary weighing poison4 ,on the subject of larks1 he says1 for the benefit of the queen1 and all who love such dainty food1 that if twelve larks do not weigh twelve ounces1 they are scarcely eatable2 they are just tolerable if they reach that weight2 but that if they weigh thirteen ounces1 they are fat and excellent6 ,on such table matters did royal physicians write1 when ,anne was queen4 ,the table of ,george1 ,prince ,regent1 was splendidly served4 ,the court language was ,french1 as though the days of the ,normans were come again4 ,but the son of ,george ,,iii41 whether as prince or as king1 and despite his character of being the first gentleman in ,europe1 was not naturally refined4 ,he loved to have around him men like ,humboldt1 who1 when his guest1 amused him with stories as broad as they were long4 ,he himself would tell similar stories1 even in the presence of his mother and sisters1 and in spite of a sharp 8,fie1 ,george60 and an indignant working of her fan on the part of ,queen ,charlotte4 ,when king1 the female society which he assembled at the ,pavilion was very dcollet indeed1 both as regarded person and principles1 and the appearance of these brilliant looking and light dressed individuals in the day-time gave to ,brighton an aspect that put ,rowland ,hill into fits4 ,there were joyous evenings then at ,virginia ,water1 on 8tea and marrow bones10 and there was everything there but refinement4 ,refinement1 indeed1 was not the characteristic of any one prince of the house4 ,the ,duke of ,cumberland revelled in coarse jests1 and was delighted when they embarrassed the modesty that could not even comprehend them4 ,the ,duke of ,cambridge was perhaps the least offensive of the family4 ,he was the professional diner-out of the house2 and in his day very few public dinners took place without having the advantage of his presence as president4 ,he was1 on such occasions1 punctuality itself1 and could not tolerate being kept waiting4 ,in such cases1 he sometimes wiled away the time by trying over music with the musical gentlemen whose harmony was to relieve the toasts and tedium of the evening1 but his impatience sometimes got the better of his politeness and of his reverence for serious things1 and we shall not soon forget the effect he produced at a 8religious public dinner10 by exclaiming aloud1 8,where is the chaplain8 d--n him6 ,why doesn't he say grace80 ,before passing to the next reign1 we may take notice of a fact that is not generally known1 but which nevertheless cannot be disputed4 ,the coronation banquet of ,george ,,iv4 was one of the most splendid upon record4 ,but there was a world of 8leather and prunella0 about it1 in spite of its reputed splendour4 ,thus1 for instance1 the king's table was one gorgeous display of gold plate1 but the plates and dishes at all the other tables1 one only1 ,i believe1 excepted1 were composed of nothing more costly than good1 honest pewter4 ,the metal was indeed so splendidly burnished that to the eye no silver highly polished could have been more dazzling2 but the truth remains that the peerage that day dined off pewter4 ,but the occasion gave value to the material1 and the dishes1 in their character of relics of the glory of the last coronation banquet in ,westminster ,hall1 are as highly prized1 and as reverently preserved1 as though they were composed of materials less strange to ,potosi than tin1 antimony1 and a trifle of copper4 ,court life1 in the reign of ,william ,,iv41 was but of a very sombre aspect4 ,the good old king used to indulge in giving toasts after dinner1 and he made long and somewhat prosy speeches4 ,of the latter he was particularly fond1 and he made the then young ,prince ,george of ,cambridge his pupil1 by giving the health of his father1 the ,duke1 and inducing the son to rise and return thanks for the honour conferred4 ,it was no bad discipline for one who intended to become a public man4 ,the young prince became a very fair speaker under the old king's instructions4 ,william detested politics1 and he invariably fell asleep during the dessert4 ,it would have violated etiquette to have awoke him2 and the queen and her ladies never thought of rising until the royal eye-lids began again to give symptoms of returning wakefulness4 ,he was fond of talking1 over the wine1 of military details1 and was proud of two achievements connected therewith2 first1 that he had made ,colonel ,needham shave off his cherished whiskers1 according to the new regulations2 and that he had succeeded in having all the ,waterloo medals worn with the king's head outwards4 ,he frequently fell asleep during these conversations2 and then the guests quietly passed the wine from one to the other1 and1 as they drank off their glasses1 bowed to or smiled at the sleeping sovereign the while4 ,in the evening1 there generally was music1 during which the ,queen ,adelaide was as generally engaged in worsted work4 ,the king usually honoured some one with an invitation to sit by his side on the sofa4 ,he then fell asleep again1 and the unlucky1 honoured individual1 did not dare leave his 8coign of 'vantage0 until the king awoke and gave the signal4 ,william was a very moderate joker1 and he loved a joke from others4 ,it is reported that1 when heir presumptive1 he once said to a ,secretary of the ,admiralty who was at the same dinner-table1 8,c----1 when ,i am king1 you shall not be ,admiralty ,secretary6 ,eh1 what do you say to that80 8,all that ,i have to say to that1 in such a case1 is10 said ,c----1 8,god save the king60 ,i have heard it further said1 that ,william never laughed so loudly as when he was told of a certain parvenu lady1 who1 dining at ,sir ,john ,copley's1 ventured to express her surprise that there was 8no pilfered water on the table40 ,the dining-tables of deceased monarchs belong to history2 and1 consequently1 the limit of this imperfect record is to be found here4 ,one further illustration1 however1 of 8household0 matters may here be not inaptly introduced4 ,a few months ago a gentleman1 who had been in his early years the personal friend of the ,duke of ,kent1 was desirous of sending from ,sicily a testimonial of his respect to the late ,duke's daughter1 our sovereign lady the ,queen4 ,his grateful remembrance took the shape of some very rare and choice ,sicilian wine1 the proper transmission of which was entrusted to the good offices of a friend of the donor4 ,this honorary agent proceeded to the proper office for instructions1 and there he was somewhat surprised at being informed that1 as soon as the duty had been paid upon the wine1 the latter would be forwarded to the 8household40 ,at this strange intimation1 the friendly agent wrote to his principal for fresh instructions1 and the principal1 who had not the slightest intention of showing his respect for the memory of a sire by presenting wine to the 8household0 of that sire's royal daughter1 at once directed the luscious tribute to be divided among friends who had households of their own1 and who could appreciate the present4 ,the rule1 with regard to offerings like these1 was not in former times so ungraciously severe4 ,when ,mrs4 ,coutts used to send her pleasant tributary haunches of venison to the ,pavilion1 she was not informed that the 8household0 would condescend to dine upon the venison3 on the contrary1 a graceful autograph note from the royal recipient not only made cheerful acknowledgment of the gift1 but also gave hearty promise that it would be thoroughly enjoyed4 ,there is more independence1 perhaps1 in the present system1 which discourages all tributes1 whatever may be their nature2 but there is something very ungracious in the method of its application4 ,enough1 however1 of this matter1 or we shall have little time to discuss1 even briefly1 two other subjects1 touching which ,i would say something1 before we are finally called to 8supper40 ,the first of these comes under the head of 8,strange ,banquets40 ,,strange ,,banquets4 ,under this title ,i was half inclined to include the records of the achievements of those gastronomic heroes1 whose spirit was something like that of the boy's who ate with two spoons1 and cried because he could not swallow faster4 ,but1 from ,milo and his entire bull for dinner1 down to ,dando and his peck of oysters for supper1 there is a sameness of very gross detail1 and perhaps not very great truth1 in all4 ,the rustic who was victor at an eating match1 8by a pig and an apple pie10 was on a level with the ancient kings1 who were wont to boast that they could carry more beneath their belts with impunity than any other men4 ,so the ardour of the two villages contemplating their respective champions--gluttons employed for the honour of their several birth-places--and the exultation of one party at finding its favourite ahead 8by two turkeys and a pound of sausages10 gave proof of as much dignity of humanity as was given in their case by those nations of old who weighed their kings annually1 and had a general illumination when they found their monarchs growing fatter4 ,these illustrations of table manners1 if indeed they deserve to be so called1 we leave to the perusal of those whose devotion is of that cast that they would have reckoned ,baal as a god1 for no other reason than the sufficient one given of old1 namely1 that he ate much meat4 ,in more modern times1 we have had defunct kings who have been supposed capable of consuming as much as ,baal himself1 or any of his lively followers2 for an illustration of which fact we must pass over1 for a short time1 to the once kingdom of ,france4 ,the last banquet prepared by the culinary officers of ,francis ,i4 for that royal personage1 was one at which my readers would not have cared to sit in fellowship with the king1 nor was it one which that monarch himself could be said to have perfectly enjoyed4 ,he made1 indeed1 no remark or complaint1 but that was for the natural reason that he was dead when he presided at it6 ,how this came to pass ,i will proceed to relate4 ,on the #ast day of ,march1 #aedf1 ,francis ,i4 died in the ,chteau de ,rambouillet4 ,the whole of the following day his body was in the hands of the surgeon-embalmers1 who vainly exercised their office to render that sweet when dead which had by no means been so when living4 ,during six weeks the corpse was deposited at the neighbouring ,abbey of ,haute-,bruyre4 ,it was then transported to the house of the ,archbishop of ,paris at ,st4 ,cloud1 where there was a duplicate 8lying in state40 ,the dead king1 extended on a couch of richly embroidered crimson satin1 was surrounded by a thickly-wedged mass of priests1 who1 night and day1 offered up prayers for the repose of his soul4 ,in the adjacent chamber was the 8counterfeit presentment10 or effigy of the monarch1 made 8after nature10 reclining on a bed of the most gorgeous description1 on and about which was displayed all that could lend additional solemn glory to the scene4 ,the waxen effigy1 with hands joined1 was decked in a crimson silk shirt1 covered by a light blue tunic powdered with fleurs de lis4 ,the royal mantle1 of a deep violet1 lay across the feet2 and near it were the orders1 chains1 and other 8bravery0 worn by ,francis in his lifetime4 ,on the head was a violet velvet scull-cap1 and above that the crown4 ,the legs were thrust into boots of cloth of gold1 with crimson satin soles1--but then they were not made for walking in4 ,in the room1 and particularly near the bed1 there was a blaze of gold and jewellery1 such as dazzled the sight only to look at it4 ,the upper portion of the bed was fashioned like a tent4 ,sentinels guarded it from without1 and priests kept watch with much prayer within4 ,they were of all grades1 from cardinals and princes of the ,church down to bare-footed friars1 who would have been more thankful for a scarlet hat than for a pair of the newest sandals4 ,these were the guests at a banquet where the king was the highly honoured host4 ,we are told by old ,pierre de ,chastel1 ,bishop of ,macon1 that the ordinary etiquette of service was rigorously maintained every day1 during eleven days1 as if the king had been living and laughing in the midst of them4 ,the royal dinner-table was laid out at the side of the bed2 a cardinal blessed the viands2 and a gentleman of various quarterings presented to the unconscious image a full ewer1 wherewith to wash the hands which1 folded as they were1 seemed like those of the father of ,miss ,kilmansegg1 to be already washing themselves with invisible soap in imperceptible water6 ,a second gentleman offered to the representative of the defunct king a vase mantling with wine2 and a third wiped his lips and fingers1 as if either could have been soiled by not coming in contact with the cates and the goblet6 ,these functions1 and others that may very well be passed over1 were performed amid a most death-like silence1 and by the fitful light of funereal torches1--the only dinner lamps in use while the dead king was engaged in not dining4 ,and such were the clever funeral banquets presided over by the waxen similitude of a defunct king4 ,and here it should be my office to pass to other subjects more immediately connected with ,table ,traits1 but ,i may perhaps1 be pardoned if ,i add1 that the royal corpse1 after the copious feeding which its effigy was mocked with1 was raised with incredible pomp1 and borne into ,paris with an attendant mixture of the sublime and the ridiculous4 ,it was preceded by beggars1 nobles1 cavaliers1 and cooks1 78officiers de bouche107 pages1 surgeons1 and valets de chambre1 grooms1 heralds1 and archbishops4 ,the followers behind the car were of more uniform and exalted rank2 and when the procession reached ,vaugrard1 it was met by the twenty-four town-criers of ,paris1 who took immediate precedence of the five hundred beggars4 ,the funeral service in the cathedral was conducted with similar magnificence2 but what is most singular is the fact1 that the solemn ceremony was no sooner concluded1 than it was recommenced with all gravity1 for the benefit of the waxen effigy that had been served for eleven days with an 8omelette fantastique60 and more than this1 two of the sons of the deceased king1 having been previously interred1 but with maimed rites1 a newly organized procession and service took place on this occasion1 not only for themselves1 but for their effigies also6 ,there was an ocean of holy water scattered on these exaggerated dolls2 the aspersion1 however1 was borne with a calmness worthy of their dignity6 ,and at these ceremonies the ,english ambassador1 with other ,christian representatives1 appeared on horseback1 each with a prelate mounted also at his side4 ,the union represented that which ought to exist between church and state everywhere1 but which does not even in the ,duchy of ,baden4 ,when the lengthened solemnities had come to a conclusion1 the merry pages1 as hungry as they were joyous1 scrambled for sweetmeats1 and that was the last of the feasting or fasting of ,francis ,i4 ,all this seems barbarous and antique3 it is the former rather than the latter4 ,the custom1 with some attendant exaggerations1 is still prevalent in ,china1 where only two years ago the defunct aunt of the sun and moon1 mother to the reigning monarch1 was feasted with a solemn parade of magnificent nonsense1 the details of which make those of the banquet of the deceased ,francis look extremely poor indeed4 ,i believe that the ,chinese idea with regard to their poor dead princess was1 that she1 or the immortal part in her1 could not possibly take flight upon the celestial dragon waiting to convey her to the pagoda--paradise of ,cathay--until this farewell banquet had been given to her by those who had loved her upon earth4 ,it is the easiest thing in the world1 and perhaps it is the most natural1 to smile superciliously at these customs1 and dismiss them with the definite remark1 that they were heathenish and superstitious4 ,but our grandmothers1 or their mothers rather1 saw something very like it in ,england4 ,in the latter case1 it was not the consequence of a law that ruled in such matters1 but a spontaneous act of a sublimely ridiculous1 or a ridiculously sublime1 affection4 ,henrietta1 ,duchess of ,marlborough1 we are told1 demonstrated her affection for ,congreve in a manner indicative of absolute insanity4 8,common fame reports10 says ,kippis1 in the 8,biographia ,britannica10 8that she had his figure made in wax1 talked to it as if it had been alive1 placed it at table with her1 took great care to help it with different sorts of food1 had an imaginary sore in its leg regularly dressed1 and1 to complete all1 consulted physicians with regard to its health40 ,an invitation from the duchess to dinner1 to meet her simulative friend1 who could hardly be said to have waxed wittier after his metempsychosis1 would not have been a lively thing4 ,i am not sure that ,i would not rather have been in the place of the ,hetman of the ,zaparogue ,cossacks1 who was strangely treated and dieted when he was elected to the chief command over his own wild hordes4 ,his followers besmeared 7and the fashion is not yet obsolete7 his face with mud1 placed a symbolic baton in his hand1 and a saucy-looking crane's feather in his bonnet4 ,they then gave him a cupful of tar 7a process that would have delighted ,bishop ,berkeley71 and after pitching greatness into him in this manner1 he was allowed a draught of mead by way of purifying his palate4 ,when ,shakspere said1 8,take physic1 pomp10 he was little aware of the custom to that effect among the ,zaparogues4 ,it was sweetened1 indeed1 by the conclusive draught of mead1 as ,berkeley's dissertation on tar water was wound up by a sermon on the ,trinity2 but ,i think ,i would have preferred swallowing the tar1 with nothing to qualify it but the title1 rather than have sat down to the most sumptuous of banquets1 between the mad duchess and her wax lover with an issue in his leg6 ,william ,howitt tells of an old countrywoman whom he sought to initiate into the simple elements of religion1 and to whom he presented a ,testament4 ,when the latter had been read through1 the worthy teacher asked her what she thought of the solemn record3 8,ah1 well60 was the graceless comment1 8it all happened so long ago1 and so far off1 that ,i don't believe a word of it60 ,some such witticism may1 perhaps1 apply to my stories just told1 some of which have distant scenes for their locality1 and others distant periods for their times of actions4 ,but1 in the way of barbarous banquets1 examples may be cited less open to this objection2 and if the far-off ,zaparogue chiefs have a cruelly nasty inauguration into greatness1 ,i do not know if the children in the ,scottish ,highlands1 to whom the wise women there administer a mixture of whisky and earth as their first food1 have not a nastier inauguration into life4 ,having mentioned ,scotland1 ,i may1 while on the subject of strange banquets1 show how they cooked and fed in the days of ,edward ,,iii4 8,nor yet had they10 says old ,joshua ,barnes1 8any cauldrons or pans to dress their meat in2 for what beasts they found 7as they always had good store in those northern parts71 they would seethe them in their own 7the beasts'67 skins1 stretched out bellying on stakes1 in the manner of cauldrons2 and having thus sodden their meat1 they would take out a little plate of metal1 which they used to truss somewhere in or under their saddles1 and laying it on the fire1 take forth some oatmeal 7which they carried in little bags behind them for that purpose71 and having kneaded and tempered it with water1 spread that thereon4 ,this being thus baked they used for bread1 to comfort and strengthen their stomachs a little when they eat flesh40 ,stomachs that needed no other comforting than this must have belonged to men of irresistible arms4 ,they devoured the bullocks1 and afterwards dressed themselves in the cauldrons4 ,they remind us of those nomade people of whom the poet asks1-- 8,was ever ,tartar fierce or cruel ,upon the strength of water-gruel8 ,but who shall stand his rage and force1 ,if first he rides1 then eats his horse80 ,and this metrical allusion to ancient banquets1 and characteristic prowess connected with them1 recalls to my memory the singular story touching the strangest of facts1 which has been told in choice verse by ,ludwig ,uhland4 ,the ,german poet1 in narrating it1 has condemned himself to execute a sort of double hornpipe in fetters1 having set himself the task to introduce one word1 the subject of his poem1 into every stanza of his rhymed romance4 8,done into ,english10 the legend runs thus3-- ,,the ,,castellan ,,of ,,coucy1 ,,or ,,the ,,heart4 8,how deeply young ,de ,coucy sigh'd1 ,how sad the feeling that came o'er him1 ,and smote his heart1 when first he saw ,the ,lady of ,fayal before him6 8,how suddenly his song assumed ,the strain of love's impassion'd fire6 ,how every measure clearly told ,his heart vibrated with his lyre6 8,but vain the sweetness of his song1 ,in am'rous cadence softly dying6 ,no hope had he to move the heart ,of her who heeded not his sighing6 8,for even1 when beyond his wont ,he fell on some inspird strain1 ,the wedded lady's heart scarce moved1-- ,it warm'd but to be cold again4 8,then was the ,castellan resolved1 ,the cross upon his cuirass'd breast1 ',mid toils in ,palestine to seek ,the tumults of his heart to rest4 8,and there1 in many a hot affray1 ,where perils threat1 and dangers thicken1 ,he stands till1--'spite his coat of mail1 ,his noble heart with death is stricken4 8#8,oh6 hear'st thou me1 my page8' he cried1 #8,when this fond heart has ceased its beating1 ,to the fair ,lady of ,fayal ,bear it1 with ,de ,coucy's greeting4' 8,in cold and consecrated earth ,the hero's corpse at length reposes2 ,but o'er his heart1 his broken heart1 ,hot so the tomb its portal closes4 8,the heart within a golden urn4 ,was laid2 the page received the treasure1 ,and quickly sped him o'er the main1 ,to do his noble master's pleasure4 8,now whirlwinds tear1 and waters dash1 ,now lightnings rend1 and masts are falling2 ,all hearts on board are struck with awe1 ,one heart alone's beyond appalling6 8,now beams the golden sun again2 ,now ,france upon the bow's appearing2 ,all hearts on board with joy are cheer'd2 ,one heart alone's beyond all cheering6 8,and soon1 through ,fayal's frowning wood1 ,the page and heart their way are making1 ,when winding sounds the lusty horn1 ,with hunters' cries the stillness breaking4 8,then from the thicket bounds a stag1 ,through his heart an arrow flying1 ,checks his course1 and strikes him dead1-- ,at the page's feet he's lying4 8,and now the ,ritter of ,fayal1 ,who first the gallant stag had wounded1 ,gallops up with hunting train1 ,who soon the gentle page surrounded4 8,the golden urn had quickly fall'n ,to the ,ritter's knaves a welcome booty1 ,had not the boy stepp'd back a pace1 ,and told them of his mournful duty4 8#8,heart of a knightly ,troubadour1 ,here is a warrior's heart1 ,i say1-- ,the ,castellan of ,coucy's heart2 ,let pass this heart its peaceful way6 8#8,dying1 my gallant master cried1 ,when this heart has ceased its beating1 ,to the fair ,lady of ,fayal ,bear it1 with ,de ,coucy's greeting4' 8#8,that dame ,i know full passing well6' ,shouted the knight in deadly passion1 ,as from the trembling page he tore ,the urn1 in fierce uncourteous passion4 8,and with it1 grasp'd beneath his cloak1 ,homeward sped the savage ,ritter2 ,the heart close press'd upon his breast1 ,fill'd it with thoughts of vengeance bitter4 8,scarce at his castle-gate arrived1 ,his madden'd thoughts intent on treason1 ,than straight his frighted cooks are charged ,the heart with condiments to season4 8',tis done6 and richly strewn with flow'rs1 ,and lain on golden dish withal1 ',tis placed before the ,knight and ,dame1 ,when seated in their banquet-hall4 8,the ,knight upon the ,lady tended4 ,speaking in terms of feign'd delight-- #8,of all the produce of my chase1 ,this heart is yours1 fair dame1 by right6' 8,but scarcely had the ,lady tasted ,of the dainty placed before her1 ,when impulse1 strong and strange1 to weep1 ,irresistibly came o'er her4 8,on marking which the ,ritter cried1 ,with wild and savage laugh unholy1 #8,do pigeons' hearts1 my faithful ,dame1 ,give tendency to melancholy8 8#8,then how much more1 ,o ,lady mine1 ,must fare like this such passion raise-- ,the ,castellan of ,coucy's heart1 ,whose lyre was wont to sound thy praise8' 8,and when the ,knight1 with stern reproof1 ,had ceased thus sneering to upbraid1 he ,stood2 while hand on heart too1 thus ,with solemn action spoke the ,lady3-- 8#8,thou'st done me foulest wrong to-day6 ,ne'er false was ,i1 not e'en in thought1 ,till this poor heart ,i touch'd but now1 ,within my own mutation wrought4 8#8,the youthful ,poet's passion1 told ,with sadden'd heart and anxious brow1 ,i scorn'd while yet the ,poet lived1 ,but dead6 ,i yield me to it now4 8#8,to death devoted1 this weak frame1 ,to which ,de ,coucy's heart hath lent ,a brief support1 shall never more ,partake of earthly nourishment4 8#8,may ,heav'n its mercy show to all2 ,yes1 e'en to thee may ,heav'n show it6' 99 99 99 99 99 8,such is the story of a heart ,that once inspired a youthful ,poet40 ,the above story of the ,castellan de ,coucy is considered to be one of ,uhland's most remarkable poems1 as much from its general sweetness1 unhappily lost in translation1 as from the wit with which he continually keeps before the reader the one word which forms the principal feature in the little romance4 ,the tale is1 however1 by no means new4 ,there are few nations whose story-tellers do not celebrate a lady who was forced by a jealous husband to eat the heart of her lover4 ,it is common to ,england1 ,ireland1 and ,scotland4 ,in ,france1 the story exists nearly as ,uhland has told it4 ,in ,germany1 it is to be met with in various forms4 ,in one of these1 the lady is shown to have been more kind and less faithful than the ,ritter's wife of ,fayal4 ,but above all it is1 as the mad prince says1 8extant1 and written in very choice ,italian10 by the at once seductive and repulsive ,boccaccio4 ,it is one of the least filthy of a set of stories1 told with a beauty of style1 a choice of language1 a lightness and a grace1 which make you forget the matter and risk your morals1 for the sake of improving your ,italian4 ,in ,boccaccio's narrative1 the lady is of course very guilty2 and the husband also1 of course1 murders the lover in as brutal and unknightly a fashion as can well be imagined4 ,nothing else could be expected from that unequalled story-teller1 7unequalled as much for the charm of his manner1 as for the general uncleanness of his details17 who but seldom has a good word to say for woman1 or an honest testimony to give of man4 ,human nature presented nothing beautiful or estimable to him2 and yet it is undeniable that he had an acute perception of beauty and honour4 ,the characters he describes are scurvy1 vicious1 heartless1 debauched wretches2 but he dresses them up in such dashing bravery of attire1 and endows them with such divinity of beauty1 and he writes of their whereabout with such witchery of pen1 that his poor1 weak1 ensnared readers have nothing for it but to go on in alternate extremes of admiring and condemning4 ,to revert to the ,german prose story of the ,heart1 ,i may say that it is merely a bad translation from the 8,decameron10 telling in a very matter-of-fact way the history of a ,lady von ,roussillon1 8welches ihres geliebte ,herz zu essen erhlt1 und sich den ,tod gibt40 ,this strange banquet is not to be set down as positively apocryphal1 merely because it has fallen into the possession of the rhymers and romancers4 ,the old ,german barons were rather inclined to a barbarous species of kitchen--something crude and cannibal of character--if we may so far credit the extravagances of legend as to believe that they are founded on fact4 ,but we need not go to ,germany and fairy periods for illustrations of extraordinary banquets1 or individual dieting4 ,among eccentric gastronomists1 ,i do not recollect one more remarkable than ,mrs4 ,jeffreys1 the sister of ,wilkes4 ,at ,bath1 she slept throughout the year beneath an open window1 and the snow sometimes lent her bed an additional counterpane4 ,she never allowed a fire to be kindled in this room1 the chief adornment of which was a dozen clocks1 no two of which struck the hour at the same moment4 ,she breakfasted frugally enough on chocolate and dry toast1 but proceeded daily in a sedan-chair1 with a bottle of ,madeira at her side1 to a boarding-house to dine4 ,she invariably sat between two gentlemen1 8men having more sinew in mind and body than women10 and with these she shared her 8,london ,particular40 ,warner1 in his 8,literary ,recollections10 says that some mighty joint that was especially well-covered with fat1 was always prepared for her4 ,she was served with slices of this fat1 which she swallowed alternately with pieces of chalk1 procured for her especial enjoyment4 ,neutralizing the subacid of the fat with the alkaline principle of the chalk1 she 8amalgamated1 diluted1 and assimilated the delicious compound with half-a-dozen glasses of her delicious wine40 ,the diet agreed well with the old lady1 and she maintained that such a test authorized use4 ,we may contrast with the lady who loved lumps of chalk1 the people of a less civilized time and place1 who had a weakness for a species of animal food1 which is not to be found written down in the menus of modern dinners4 ,keating1 in his 8,narrative of an ,expedition to the ,source of ,st ,peter's ,river10 gives some curious details1 which may be not inappropriately touched upon here1 referring as they do to a nation of dog-eaters4 ,the custom at first sight strikes us as rather revolting2 but the animal in question1 to say nothing of our stealthy friend the cat1 is eaten every day in 8ragots10 that smoke on the boards of the cheap gargottes of ,paris and the banlieux4 ,after all1 custom and prejudice have much to do with the subject4 8,what do you do with your dead80 once asked a member of a distant ,asiatic tribe of a ,roman4 8,we bury them10 answered the latter4 8,gracious heaven60 exclaimed the 8untutored ,indian10 with disgust1 8what filthy and fiendish impiety60 8,why so80 inquired the other4 8,what do you and your people with your dead80 8,we treat them10 replied the ,indian proudly1 8with the decent forms that best become the dead2 we eat them60 ,to this day the nobles of ,thibet are honoured after death with a very valuable and enviable privilege4 ,they are reverentially offered to a body of hounds1 maintained for the especial purpose of devouring the defunct aristocracy4 ,what remains at the end of the process is cared for1 like the ashes which were taken of old from beneath the pile on which a loved corpse had lain4 ,this exclusive honour is never vouchsafed to the commonalty2 it is the particular vested right of greatness2 and had ,hamlet known of it when he traced great ,csar's clay stopping a bung-hole1 it would have afforded him another illustration of the base uses to which mortality may return4 ,let us return to the dog-eaters4 ,mr4 ,keating shall tell what he saw among them1 in his own words3 ,sua narret ,ulysses4 8,as soon as we had taken our seats1 the chief 7,wanotau7 passed his pipe round2 and while we were engaged in smoking1 two of the ,indians arose1 and uncovered the large kettles which were standing over the fire4 ,they emptied their contents into a dozen of wooden dishes which were placed all round the lodge4 ,these consisted of buffalo meat boiled with tepsin2 also the same vegetable boiled without the meat1 in buffalo grease2 and1 finally1 the much-esteemed dog-meat--all which were dressed without salt4 ,in compliance with the established usage of travellers to taste of everything1 we all partook of the latter1 with a mixed feeling of curiosity and reluctance4 ,could we have divested ourselves entirely of the prejudices of education1 we should1 doubtless1 unhesitatingly have acknowledged this to be one of the best dishes that we had ever tasted4 ,it was remarkably fat1--was sweet and palatable4 ,it had none of that dry1 stringy character which we had expected to find in it2 and it was entirely destitute of the strong taste which we had apprehended it must possess4 ,it was not an unusual appetite1 or the want of meat to compare with it1 which led us to form this favourable opinion of the dog2 for we had on our dish the best meat which our prairies afford4 ,but so strongly rooted are the prejudices of education1 that though we all unaffectedly admitted the excellence of this food1 yet few of us could be induced to eat much of it4 ,we were warned by our trading friends1 that the bones of this animal are treated with great respect by the doctors4 ,we therefore took great care to replace them in the dishes2 and we are informed that after such a feast is concluded1 the bones are carefully collected1 the flesh scraped off them1 and that after being washed1 they are burned on the ground2 partly1 as it is said1 to testify to the dog-species that in feasting on one of their number1 no disrespect was meant to the species itself2 and partly also from a belief that the bones of the animal will arise and reproduce another4 ,the meat of this animal1 as we saw it1 was thought to resemble that of the finest ,welsh mutton1 except that it was of a much darker colour4 ,having so far overcome our repugnance as to taste it1 we no longer wonder that the dog should be considered a dainty dish by those in whom education has not created a prejudice against this flesh4 ,in ,china it is said that fatted pups are frequently sold in the market-place2 and it appears that an invitation to a feast of dog meat is the greatest distinction that can be offered to a stranger by any of the ,indian nations east of the ,rocky ,mountains4 ,that this is not the case among some of the nations on the east of those mountains1 appears from the fact that ,lewis and ,clarke were called in derision by the ,indians of ,columbia1 #8dog-eaters4'0 ,it may be readily believed that the food above spoken of must be more acceptable to the human appetite than the snails which are fattened for the public markets in the meadows about ,ulm4 ,two ,edinburgh doctors did indeed pronounce the prejudice against snails to be absurd1 and they showed the strength of their own convictions by sitting down to a charmingly prepared little dish4 ,the courage of each failed him at the first taste1 but neither liked to confess as much to the other4 ,they went on playing with their repast1 until one ventured to say in a remarkably faint voice1 8,don't you think1 doctor1 they are a leetle green80 8,d--d green1 ,sir6 d--d green60 was the hearty confirmatory rejoinder2 8they are d--d green6 take them away60 ,but the ,australians do not always exhibit this extreme nicety4 ,if they cannot1 or once could not1 eat biscuits1 they have no such delicate scruples about eating babies1 even when those babies are their own4 ,the cannibalism of the ,australians appears to be not so obsolete as those who wish well to humanity would fain desire4 ,this is settled by the testimony of ,mr4 ,westgarth1 a member of the local parliament1 and the latest writer who has touched upon the subject4 ,in his 8,victoria1 late ,australia ,felix10 he says3--8,in their natural state1 the aborigines stand out with a species of rude dignity4 ,the precision and acuteness of their observant faculties are not to be surpassed2 and they exhibit a surprising tact in their various modes of discovering and securing food4 ,the narrow compass of their minds is concentrated in a few lines of vocation1 in which1 as in the exhibitions of a ,blind ,asylum1 there are displayed an extraordinary accuracy and skill4 ,but to these barbaric excellences1 must be added the most degrading1 superstitious1 and revolting customs4 ,civilized nations are still unwilling to believe that infanticide and cannibalism are associated with the customs of any race of human beings1 or voluntarily practised1 except in those rare cases of necessity which have broken down the barriers of nature alike to the white and the black2 but nothing is better affirmed than that cannibalism is a constant habit with this degraded race1 who alternately revel in the kidney fat of their slain or captured enemies1 and in the entire bodies of their own friends and relatives4 ,nor can the infant claim any security from the mother who bore it1 against some ruthless law1 or practice1 or superstition1 that on frequent occasions consigns the female proportion1 and sometimes both sexes1 to destruction4 ,on authentic testimony1 bodies have been greedily devoured even in a state of obvious and loathsome disease2 and a mother has been observed deliberately destroying her youngest child1 serving it up as food1 and gathering around her the remainder of the family to enjoy the unnatural banquet40 ,it is certainly pleasant to turn from such a spectacle as this to contemplate the wives of the ,king of ,delhi1 who pass their time in spoiling1 but not killing1 their children1 and whose chief amusement1 after matters of dress1 consists in sitting and cracking nutmegs in presence of the ,great ,mogul6 ,but there are worse things than these which necessity can render acceptable to the palate4 ,in ,australia especially does nature appear to indulge in strange freaks4 ,many of our salt-water fish there live in fresh-water rivers2 and1 indeed1 more than one inland river is brackish if not salt4 ,yet of salt itself the natives had never tasted1 until the arrival among them of ,europeans2 they do not take kindly to the condiment even to this day4 ,they prefer their own unadorned cookery2 and they would especially have admired the late ,dr4 ,howard1 who published quarterly his denunciations against the use of salt4 ,in ,australia1 the pears are made of wood1 and the stones of the cherries grow on the outside1 and not within4 ,the aborigines are satisfied with very unsavoury diet4 ,they have one fashion1 however1 in common with the self-appointed leaders of civilization1 the ,french2 they eat frogs4 ,in ,france it is the pastime of the bourgeois1 on a summer evening1 to resort to some pool with a rod and line1 and a piece of red rag or bit of soap for bait1 and there catch the little people who could not agree about their king by the dozen4 ,in ,australia the native ladies1 in their usual scantiness of costume1 proceed to the swamps2 and there1 plunging their long arms up to the shoulders into the mud1 they draw up the astonished frogs by handfuls4 ,when caught they are cooked over a slow fire of wood-ashes2 the hinder parts only are eaten1 as in ,france2 and there are worse dishes than the fricase of the edible frog4 ,indeed1 if the ,australians devoured nothing more objectionable1 their system of diet would almost defy reproof4 ,but1 alas6 ,i find upon their bills of fare--grubs1 raw and roasted1 snakes1 lizards1 rats1 mice1 and weazels4 ,the mussel is deeply declined by some of the tribes1 in consequence of an opinion prevailing that the fish in question is the especial property of sorcerers1 whose amiable propensity it is to destroy mankind by means of mussels4 ,if all the world held the same opinion1 ,i have no doubt of great profit therefrom resulting4 ,one of our earlier captains who visited ,australia observing a native devouring some indescribable sort of food1 offered him1 in exchange for a portion of it1 a sound sea-biscuit4 ,the exchange was effected1 and then it became a point of courtesy and honour that each should eat what he had acquired by the barter4 ,the trial was a severe one for both parties4 ,the ,englishman swallowed slowly1 and with a sickening sense of disgust that cannot be told1 the odious food of the aboriginal2 while the native1 nibbling at the biscuit1 appeared to grow more horror-stricken at each bit which he tried to swallow4 ,the tears came into his eyes1 he grew sick1 faint1 enraged2 and at length1 dashing the biscuit on the ground1 he as violently seated himself upon it with a bounce that ought to have driven it to the very centre of the earth4 ,the ,englishman1 in the meantime1 had flung away the remnant of his 8pice de rsistance10 and they remained gazing at each other1 with the inward conviction that1 as regarded food1 each had tasted that day that which deserved to be designated as surprisingly beastly4 ,keating's ,indians are not the only men of ,north ,america who have a delicate fancy for the dog3 the ,dacotas are also that way given4 ,their celebrated 8dog-dance0 is indeed a festival but of rare occurrence1 but it is held to show that that highly respectable people would eat the hearts of their enemies with as little reluctance as the heart of a dog4 ,and this is the manner of the feast of 8braves20 they cook the heart and liver of a dog1 cool them in water1 and then hang the dainties on a high pole1 around which they assemble as grave and silent as quakers4 ,the spirit is literally supposed to move them1 and when one is thus influenced1 he begins to bark1 and jumps towards the pole4 ,another follows his example4 ,the jumping backwards and forwards1 and the chorus of barking become gradually universal1 and the solemn concert is then at its height4 ,every one does his best1 according as nature has gifted him4 ,the children snap like ,french poodles2 the girls yelp like pugs2 some snarl1 others growl2 the women 8give tongue0 as musically as the ,bramham ,park hounds2 and the fathers of the tribe run through a scale of sounds that would highly astonish ,lablache4 ,and thus1 in the midst of it all1 one becomes bolder than the rest1 looks about him grinningly defiant1 and making a run and a leap at the canine dainties suspended from the pole1 he generally touches ground again with a piece thereof in his teeth6 ,this good example is also followed universally1 until the tempting prize is all consumed1 and then there is 8a general dance of characters10 and the drama is done4 ,the ,dacotas have an esteem for diminutive dogs2 and1 lest my readers should deem the tribe to be wholly unacquainted with civilization and its secrets1 ,i will just mention that these ,indians not only drink whisky with as much profusion as it is drunken in godly ,glasgow1 but they occasionally administer a little of it to their dogs1 in order to stunt their growth4 ,such prayers too as they have1 are also marked by a modern and civilized character2 for example1 they say1 8,great ,spirit6 ,father6 help us to kill our enemies1 and give us plenty of corn60 ,this is the very spirit of much of the prayer put up by the dwellers in the regions of enlightenment4 ,and the spirit1 with its proper motives1 is not one to be blamed4 ,these barbarous ,indians do not1 at all events1 insult their ,great ,spirit1 by asking him to give peace in their time1 because none other fighteth for them but him4 ,this would sound to their ear as though they needed peace1 for the reason that their defence in war was not to be relied upon2 and1 if it had slipped into their formulary1 they would at least amend it without delay4 ,but this is getting critical1 and so to become reminds us of authors4 ,now to treat of them1 in reference to the table1 is generally speaking to fall upon the discussion of their 8calamities10 and the ,encyclopdia of famished writers would be a very heavy work indeed4 ,we have yet time1 however1 before the chapter of 8,supper0 opens1 to take a cursory glance at a few of the brotherhood of the brain and quill4 ,it can be but of a few1 and of that few but briefly4 8,tanto meglio60 says the reader1 and ,i will not dispute the propriety of the exclamation4 ,,authors ,,and ,,their ,,dietetics4 ,it is all very well for ,mr4 ,leigh ,hunt to write a poem on the 8,feast of the ,poets10 and to show us how ,apollo stood 8pitching his darts10 by way of invitation to the ethereal banquet4 ,this is all very well in graceful poetry1 but the account is no more to be received1 than the new gospel according to ditto is likely to be by the ,lord ,primate and orthodox ,christians4 ,it is far more difficult to tell the matter in plain prose2 for1 where there are few dinners1 many authors cannot well dine4 ,it is easier to tell how they fasted than how they fed2 how they died1 choked at last by the newly-baked roll that came too late to be swallowed1 than how they lived daily1--for the daily life of some would be as impossible of discovery1 as the door of the 8,cathedral of ,immensities10 wherein ,mr4 ,carlyle transacts worship4 ,the soul of the poet1 says an ,eastern proverb1 passes into the grasshopper1 which sings till it dies of starvation4 ,an apt illustration1 but our ,english grasshoppers must not be used for the illustrative purpose1 seeing that they are far too wise to do anything of the sort4 ,a ,british grasshopper no more sings till he dies1 than a ,british swan dies singing3 these foolish habits are left to foreigners and poetry4 ,let us turn to the more reliable register of our ever-juvenile friend1 ,mr4 ,sylvanus ,urban4 ,more than a century ago1 ,mr4 ,urban1 who is the only original 8oldest inhabitant10 gave a 8,literary ,bill of ,mortality for #ageb10 showing the casualties among books as well as among authors4 ,touching the respective fates of the former1 we find the productions of the year set down as1 8,abortive1 #gjjj2 still-born1 #cjjj2 old age1 #j40 ,sudden deaths fell upon #cbj4 ,three or four thousand perished by trunk-makers1 sky-rockets1 pastrycooks1 or worms2 while more than half that number were privily disposed of4 ,if such were the fortunes of the works1 how desperate must have been the diet of the authors6 ,so also was their destiny4 ,as a class1 they are fixed1 in round numbers1 at #cjjj2 and a third of these are registered as dying of lunacy4 ,some #abjj are entered as 8starved40 ,seventeen were disposed of by 8the hangman10 and fifteen by hardly more respectable persons1 namely themselves6 ,mad dogs1 vipers1 and mortification1 swept off a goodly number4 ,five pastoral poets1 who could not live by the oaten pipe1 appropriately died of 8fistula40 ,and1 as a contrast to the multitude 8starved10 we find a zero indicating the ascertained quantity of authors who had perished by the aldermanic malady of 8surfeit40 ,there is1 perhaps1 more approximation to truth than appears at first sight in this jeu d'esprit4 ,it was only in ,pagan days that authors could boast of obesity4 ,they dined with the tyranni1 as ,persian poets get their mouths stuffed with sugar-candy by the ,shah ,inshah4 ,and yet ,pliny speaks of poets feeding sparingly1 ut solent poet4 ,perhaps this was only an exception1 like that of ,moore1 who smilingly sat down to a broil at home when not dining with 8right honourables20 or contentedly thanked ,heaven for 8salt fish and biscuits0 with his mother and sister in ,abbey ,street1 the day after he had supped with the ducal viceroy of ,ireland1 and half the peerage of the three kingdoms4 ,still1 in the old times1 authors took more liberty with their hosts4 ,in ,rome they kept more to the proprieties2 for a nod of the head of the imperial entertainer was sufficient to make their own fly from their shoulders4 ,in presence of the ,roman emperor of old1 an author could only have declared that the famous invasion of ,britain1 which was productive of ship-loads of spoil1 in the shape of sea-shells1 was a god-like feat4 ,so1 at the table of the czar1 all the lyres of ,muscovy sing the ode of eternal sameness1 to the effect that the dastardly butchery at ,sinope was an act that made the angels of ,god jubilant6 ,the ,russian lyres dare not sing to any other tune4 ,it was not so of yore4 ,witness what is told us of ,philoxenus1 the ode writer1 whose odes1 however1 are less known than his acts4 ,he was the author of the wish that he had a crane's neck1 in order to have prolonged enjoyment in swallowing4 ,this is a poor wish compared with that of ,quin1 elsewhere recorded1 that he might have a swallow as long as from here to ,botany ,bay in palate all the way6 ,he was a greedy fellow1 this same ,philoxenus4 ,he accustomed himself to hold his hands in the hottest water1 and to gargle his throat with it scalding2 and1 by this noble training1 he achieved the noble end of being able to swallow the hottest things at table1 before the other guests could venture on them4 ,he would have conquered the most accomplished of our country bumpkins in consuming hasty-pudding at a fair4 ,his mouth was as though it was paved1 and his fellow-guests used to say of him1 that he was an oven and not a man4 ,he once travelled many miles to buy fish at ,ephesus2 but1 when he reached the market-place1 he found it all bespoke for a wedding banquet4 ,he was by no means embarrassed2 he went uninvited to the feast1 kissed the bride1 sang an epithalamium that made the guests roar with ecstasy1 and afforded such delight by his humour1 that the bridegroom invited him to breakfast with him on the morrow4 ,his wit had made amends for his devouring all the best dishes4 ,it is a long way from ,philoxenus to ,dr4 ,chalmers forgetting his repast in the outpouring of his wisdom1 and entering in his journal the expression of his fear that he had been intolerant in argument4 ,what a contrast1 too1 between ,philoxenus and ,byron1 who1 when dining with a half-score of wits at ,rogers's1 only opened his mouth to ask for biscuits and soda-water1 and not finding any such articles in the bill of fare1 silently dining on vegetables and vinegar6 ,the noble poet's fare in ,athens was often of the same modest character2 but we know what excesses he could commit when his wayward appetite that way prompted1 or when he wished to lash his ,pegasus into fury1 as1 after reading the famous attack on his poetry in the ,edinburgh ,review1 when he swallowed three bottles of claret1 and then addressed himself to the tomahawking of his reviewers and rivals4 ,philoxenus1 however1 had his counterpart in those abbs and poets who used1 in the hearing of ,louis ,,xv41 to praise ,madame de ,pompadour4 ,he was writing a poem called 8,galatea10 in honour of the mistress of ,dionysius of ,sicily1 when he was once dining with that tyrant4 ,there were a couple of barbels on the royal board1 a small one near the poet1 and a larger near the prince4 ,as the latter saw ,philoxenus put his diminutive barbel to his ear1 he asked him wherefore1 and the poet replied that he was asking news of ,nereus1 but that he thought the fish he held had been caught too young to give him any4 8,i think10 said ,philoxenus1 8that the old fish near your sacredness would better suit my purpose40 ,this joke has descended to ,joe ,miller1 in whose collection it is to be found in a modified form4 ,but the story is altogether less neat than the one told of ,dominic1 the famous ,italian harlequin and farce writer4 ,he was standing in presence of ,louis ,,xiv4 at dinner1 when the ,grand ,monarque observed that his eyes were fixed on a dish of partridges4 8,take that dish to ,dominic10 said the king4 8,what60 exclaimed the farceur1 8partridges and all60 8,well10 said the monarch1 smiling with gravity1 8yes1 partridges and all60 ,this reminds me of another anecdote1 the hero of which is the ,abb ,morallet1 whom ,miss ,edgeworth in her 8,ormond0 praises so highly1 and praises so justly4 ,but ,morallet1 if he loved good deeds1 loved not less good dinners1 and he shone in both4 ,his talents as a writer1 and his virtues as a man1 to say nothing of his appetite1 made him especially welcome at the hospitable table of ,monsieur ,ansu4 ,the abb had learned to carve expressly that he might appropriate to himself his favourite portions1--a singular instance of selfishness in a man who was selfish in nothing else4 ,it was on one of these occasions that a magnificent pheasant excited the admiration of the guests1 and of the abb in particular1 who nevertheless sighed to think that it had not been placed close to him4 ,some dexterity was required so to carve1 it1 that each of the guests might partake of the oriental bird2 and the mistress of the house1 remembering the abb's skill as a carver1 directed an attendant to pass the pheasant to ,m4 l',abb de ,morallet4 8,what60 exclaimed the latter1 8the whole of it8 how very kind60 8,the whole of it80 repeated the lady2 8,i have no objection1 if these ladies and gentlemen are willing to surrender their rights to you40 ,the entire company gave consent1 by reiterating the words1 8the whole of it60 and the man1 who might have gained the ,montholon prize for virtue1 really achieved a prize of gluttony which hardly confers honour on a hungry clown at a fair4 ,la ,fontaine at table was seen in a better light than the ,abb ,morallet4 ,a fermier-general once invited him to a dinner of ceremony1 in the persuasion that an author who excited such general admiration would create endless delight for the select company1 to entertain whom he had been invited4 ,la ,fontaine knew it well1 during the whole repast ate in silence1 and immediately rose1 to the consternation of the convives1 to take his departure4 ,he was going1 he said1 to the ,academy4 ,the master of the house represented to him that it was by far too early1 and that he would find none of the members assembled4 8,i know that10 said the fabulist1 with his quiet smile and courteous bow2 8,i know that1 but ,i will go a long way round40 ,if this seemed a trifle uncourteous--and it was so more in seeming than reality--it was not so much so as in the case of ,byron1 who used to invite a company to dinner1 and then leave them to themselves to enjoy their repast4 ,noble hosts of the past century used to do something like this when they gave masquerades4 ,fashion compelled them to adopt a species of amusement which they detested2 but they vindicated personal liberty nevertheless1 for when their rooms were at their fullest1 the noble host1 quietly leaving his guest to the care of his wife1 would slip away to some neighbouring coffee-house1 and over a cool pint of claret enjoy the calm which was not to be had at home4 ,the late ,duke of ,norfolk used habitually to dine at one of the houses in ,covent ,garden1 out of pure liking to it4 ,he was accustomed to order dinner for five1 and to duly eat what he had deliberately ordered2 but1 as he one day detected a waiter watching him in his gastronomic process1 he angrily ordered his bill1 and never entered the house again4 ,it was a common practice with ,haydn1 like his ,grace of ,norfolk1 to order a dinner for five or six1 and then eat the whole himself4 ,he once ordered such a dinner to be ready by a stated hour1 at which time he alone appeared1 and ordered the repast to be served4 8,but where is the company80 respectfully inquired the head waiter4 8,oh60 exclaimed ,haydn1 8,i am de gompany60 ,but if he ate all1 he also paid for all4 ,moore and ,bowles1 in their visits together to ,bath1 used sometimes to dine at the ,white ,hart1 where1 as ,moore records1 he paid his share of the dinner and pint of ,madeira1 and then ,bowles magnificently 8stood0 a bottle of claret1 at dessert4 ,and a pleasant dinner the two opposite1 yet able1 poets1 made of it2--far more pleasant than ,coleridge's dinner with a party at ,reynolds's1 when he bowled down the glasses like nine-pins1 because they were too small to drink from copiously6 ,the name of ,coleridge reminds me of ,dufresny1 an author of the time of ,louis ,,xiv41 who was full of sentiment and majestic sounds1 but who was content to live at the cost of other people1 and who never achieved anything like an independence for himself4 ,after the death of his royal patron1 he was one day dining with the ,regent ,duke of ,orleans1 who expressed a wish to provide for him4 ,caprice inspired the author to say1 8,your royal highness had better leave me poor1 as ,i am1 as a monument of the condition of ,france before the regency40 ,he was not displeased at having his petition refused4 ,a guest at his side did indeed remark1 by way of encouragement1 that 8poverty was no vice40 8,no10 answered ,dufresny1 sharply1 8but it is something very much worse40 ,in act and spirit he was not unlike a prince of wits and punsters among ourselves1 who used to set up bottles of champagne on his little lawn and bowl them down for nine-pins2 and who1 of course1 left his wife and children pensioners on the charity of the state and the people4 ,i have spoken of ,la ,fontaine2 he was as absent at table as poor ,lord ,dudley and ,ward1 whose first aberrations so alarmed ,queen ,adelaide4 ,la ,fontaine was also like ,dean ,ogle1 who1 at a friend's table1 always thought himself at his own1 and if the dinner were indifferent1 he would make an apology to the guests1 and promise them better treatment next time4 ,so ,la ,fontaine was one day at the table of ,despreaux2 the conversation turned upon ,st4 ,augustin1 and after much serious discourse upon that ,christian teacher1 ,la ,fontaine1 who had till then been perfectly silent1 turned to his neighbour1 the ,abb ,boileau1 one of the most pious men of his day1 and asked him 8if he thought that ,st4 ,augustin had as much wit as ,rabelais80 ,the priest blushed scarlet1 and then contented himself with remarking1 8,m4 de la ,fontaine1 you have got on one of your stockings the wrong side out20--which was the fact4 ,the poet's query to the priest was no doubt as startling as that put by the son of a renowned reverend joker to the then ,lord ,primate4 ,the anxious parent had informed his somewhat 8fast0 offspring1 that as the archbishop was to dine with him that day1 it would be desirable that the young gentleman should eschew sporting subjects1 and if he spoke at all1 speak only on serious subjects4 ,accordingly1 at dessert1 during a moment of silence1 the obedient child1 looking gravely at his grace1 asked him 8if he could tell him what sort of condition ,nebuchadnezzar was in1 when he was taken up from grass80 ,the ,lord ,primate readily replied that he should be able to answer the question by the time he who had made it had found out the name of the man whom ,samson ordered to tie the torches to the foxes' tails1 before they were sent in to destroy the corn of the ,philistines6 ,moore loved to dine with the great2 but there have been many authors who could not appreciate the supposed advantages of such distinction4 ,lainez was one of these1 and there were but few of his countrymen who resembled him4 ,one day the ,duke of ,orleans met him in the park at ,fontainebleau1 and did him the honour of inviting him to dinner4 8,it is really quite impossible10 said ,lainez2 8,i am engaged to dine at a tavern with half-a-dozen jolly companions2 and what opinion would your royal highness have of me if ,i were to break my word80 ,lainez was not like ,madame de ,sevign1 who1 after having been asked to dance by ,louis ,,xiv41 declared in her delight that he was the greatest monarch in the world4 ,bussi1 who laughed at her absurd enthusiasm1 affirms that the fair authoress of the famous 8,letters0 was so excited at the supper after the dance1 that it was with difficulty she could refrain from shrieking out 8,vive le ,roi60 ,had the famous 8petit pre ,andr0 kept down his impulses as successfully as ,madame de ,sevign did at the supper1 where1 after all1 she did not exclaim1 8,vive le ,roi10 it would have been more to his credit1 and less to our amusement4 ,the good father1 like a better man1 ,h4 ,vincent de ,paul1 was excessively fond of cards1 but he did not cheat1 like the saint1 for the sake of winning for the poor4 ,he had been playing at piquet1 and in one game had won a considerable sum by the lucky intervention of a fourth king4 ,he was in such ecstasy at his luck1 that he declared at supper he would introduce his lucky fourth king into his next day's sermon4 ,bets were laid in consequence of this declaration1 and the whole company were present when the discourse was preached4 ,the promise made at the supper was kept in the sermon1 though something profanely3 8,my brethren10 said the abb1 8there arrived one king1 two kings1 three kings2 but what were they8--and where should ,i have been without the fourth king1 who saved me1 and has benefited you8 ,that fourth king was ,he who lay in the manger1 and whom the three royal magi came but to worship60 ,at the dinner which followed the author of the sermon was more eulogised than if he had been as grand as ,bourdaloue1 as touching as ,massillon1 or as winning as ,fnelon4 ,there was more wit in a cur of ,basse ,bretagne1 who was the author of his diocesan's pastorals1 and who happened to hold invitations to dinners for the consecutive days of the week4 ,he could not take advantage of them and perform his duty too1 but he hit on a method of accomplishing his desire4 ,he gave out at church1 an intimation to this effect3--8,in order to avoid confusion1 my brethren1 ,i have to announce that to-morrow1 ,monday1 ,i will receive at confession1 the liars only2 on ,tuesday1 the misers2 on ,wednesday1 the slanderers2 on ,thursday1 the thieves2 ,friday1 the libertines2 and ,saturday1 the women of evil life40 ,it need not be said that the priest was left during that week to enjoy himself without let or hindrance4 ,and it was at such joyous dinners as he was in the habit of attending that most of the sermons1 with startling passages in them1 like those of ,father ,andr1 were devised4 ,thus1 the ,cordelier ,maillard1 the author of various pious works1 at a dinner of counsellors1 announced his intention of preaching against the counsellors' ladies1--that is1 against their wives1 or such of them that wore embroidery4 ,and well he kept his word1 as the following choice flowers from the bouquet of his pulpit oratory will show4 8,you say10 he exclaimed to the ladies in question1 8that you are clad according to your conditions2 all the devils in hell fly away with your conditions1 and you too1 my ladies6 ,you will say to me1 perhaps1 ,our husbands do not give us this gorgeous apparel1 we earn it by the labours of our bodies4 ,thirty thousand devils fly away with the labours of your bodies1 and you too1 my ladies60 ,and1 after diatribes like these against the ladies in question1 the ,cordelier would dine with their lords1 and dine sumptuously too4 ,the dinners of the counsellors of those days were not like the ,spanish dinner to which an author was invited1 and which consisted of capon and wine1 two excellent ingredients1 but unfortunately1 as at the banquet celebrated by ,swift1 where there was nothing warm but the ice1 and nothing sweet but the vinegar1 so here the capon was cold and the wine was hot4 ,whereupon1 the literary guest dips the leg of the capon into the flask of wine1 and being asked by his host wherefore he did so1 replied1 8,i am warming the capon in the wine1 and cooling the wine with the capon40 ,the host was not such a judge of wine1 apparently1 as the archbishops of ,salzbourg1 who used not indeed to write books1 nor indeed read them1 but who used to entertain those who did1 and then preach against literary vanity from those double-balcony pulpits which some of my readers may recollect in the cathedral of the town where ,paracelsus was wont to discourse like ,solan1 and to drink like ,silenus2 and before whose tomb ,i have seen votaries1 imploring his aid against maladies1 or thanking him for having averted them6 ,it is said of one of these prince primates that when1 on the occasion of his death1 the municipal officers went to place the seals on his property1 they found the library sealed up exactly as it had been done many years before at the time of the decease of his predecessor4 ,such1 however1 was not the case with the wine-cellars4 ,what the archiepiscopal wine is at ,salzbourg1 ,i do not know1 but if it be half as good as that drank by the monks of ,mlk1 on the ,danube1 why the archbishops may stand excused4 ,besides1 they only drank it during their leisure hours1--of which1 as ,hayne remarks1 archbishops have generally four-and-twenty daily4 ,but to return nearer home1 and to our own authors3--,dr4 ,arne may be reckoned among these1 and it is of him1 ,i think1 that a pleasant story is told1 showing how he wittily procured a dinner in an emergency1 which certainly did not promise to achieve such a consummation4 ,the doctor was with a party of composers and musicians in a provincial town1 where a musical festival was being celebrated1 and at which they were prominent performers4 ,they proceeded to an inn to dine2 they were accommodated with a room1 but were told that every eatable thing in the house was already engaged4 ,all despaired in their hunger1 save the 8,mus4 ,doc40 who1 cutting off two or three ends of catgut1 went out upon the stairs1 and observing a waiter carrying a joint to a company in an adjacent room1 contrived to drop the bits of catgut on the meat1 while he addressed two or three questions to the waiter4 ,he then returned to his companions1 to whom he intimated that dinner would soon be ready4 ,they smiled grimly at what they thought was a sorry joke1 and soon after1 some confusion being heard in the room to which the joint which he had ornamented had been conveyed1 he reiterated the assurance that dinner was coming1 and thereupon he left the room4 ,on the stairs he encountered the waiter bearing away the joint1 with a look of disgust in his face4 8,whither so fast1 friend1 with that haunch of mutton80 was his query4 8,i am taking it back to the kitchen1 ,sir2 the gentlemen cannot touch it4 ,only look1 ,sir10 said ,william1 with his nose in the direction of the bits of catgut2 8its enough to turn one's stomach60 8,william10 said ,arne gravely1 8fiddlers have very strong stomachs2 bring the mutton to our room40 ,the thing was done1 the haunch was eaten1 the hungry guests were delighted1 but ,william had ever afterwards a contempt for musical people2 he classed them with those barbarians whom he had heard the company speak of where he waited1 who not only ate grubs1 but declared that they liked them4 ,martial was often as hardly put to it to secure a dinner as any of the authors ,i have hitherto named4 ,he was fond of a good dinner1 ut solent poet2 and he knew nothing better than a hare1 followed by a dish of thrushes4 ,the thrush appears to have been a favourite bird in the estimation of the poets4 ,the latter1 may have loved to hear them sing1 but they loved them better in a pie4 ,homer wrote a poem on the thrush2 and ,horace has said1 in a line1 as much in its favour as the ,chian could have said in his long and lost poem1--8nil melius turdo40 ,martial was1 at all events1 a better fed and better weighted man than the poet ,philetas of ,cos1 who was so thin that he walked abroad with leaden balls to his feet1 in order that he might not be carried away by the wind4 ,the poet ,archestratus1 when he was captured by the enemy1 was put in a pair of scales1 and was found of the weight of an obolus4 ,perhaps this was the value of his poetry6 ,it was the value of nearly all that was written by a gastronomic authoress in ,france2 ,i allude to ,madame de ,genlis1 who boasts in her ,memoirs1 that having been courteously received by a certain ,german1 she returned the courtesy by teaching him how to cook seven different dishes after the ,french fashion4 ,the authors of ,france have exhibited much caprice in their gastronomic practice2 often professing in one direction1 and acting in its opposite4 ,thus ,lamartine was a vegetarian until he entered his teens4 ,he remains so in opinion1 but he does violence to his taste1 and eats good dinners for the sake of conforming to the rules of society6 ,this course in an author1 who is for the moment rigidly ,republican when all the world around him is ,monarchical1 is singular enough4 ,lamartine's vegetarian taste was fostered by his mother1 who took him when a child to the shambles1 and disgusted him with the sight of butchers in activity on slaughtering days4 ,he for a long time led about a pet lamb by a ribbon1 and went into strong fits at a hint from his mother's cook1 that it was time to turn the said pet into useful purposes1 and make tendrons d'agneau of him4 ,lamartine would no more have thought of eating his lamb1 than ,emily ,norton would have dreamed of breakfasting on collops cut from her dear white doe of ,rylston4 ,the poet still maintains1 that it is cruel and sinful to kill one animal in order that another may dine2 but1 with a sigh for the victim1 he can eat heartily of what is killed1 and even put his fork into the breast of lamb without compunction1--but all for conformity6 ,he knows that if he were to confine himself to turnips1 he should enjoy better health and have a longer tenure of life2 but then he thinks of the usages of society1 sacrifices himself to custom1 and gets an indigestion upon truffled turkey4 ,moore1 in his early days in ,london1 used to dine somewhere in ,marylebone with ,french refugee priests1 for something less than a shilling4 ,dr4 ,johnson dined still cheaper1 at the 8,pine ,apple10 in ,new-street1 ,covent ,garden--namely1 for eightpence4 ,they who drank wine paid fourpence more for the luxury1 but the lexicographer seldom took wine at his own expense2 and sixpenny-worth of meat1 one of bread1 and a penny for the waiter1 sufficed to purchase viands and comfort for the author of the 8,vanity of ,human ,wishes40 ,boyce the versifier was of quite another kidney2 when he lay in bed1 not only starving1 but stark naked1 a compassionate friend gave him half-a-guinea1 which he spent in truffles and mushrooms1 eating the same in bed under the blankets4 ,there was something atrociously sublime about ,boyce4 ,famine had pretty well done for him1 when some one sent him a slice of roast beef1 but ,boyce refused to eat it1 because there was no catchup to render it palatable4 ,it must have been a sight of gastronomic pleasure to have seen ,wilkes and ,johnson together over a fillet of veal1 with abundance of butter1 gravy1 stuffing1 and a squeeze of lemon4 ,the philosopher and the patriot were then on a level with other hungry and appreciating men4 ,shallow with his short-legged hen1 and ,sir ,roger de ,coverley over hasty-pudding1 are myths2 not so ,pope with stewed regicide lampreys1 ,charles ,lamb before roast pig1 or ,lord ,eldon next to liver and bacon1 or ,theodore ,hook bending to vulgar pea-soup4 ,these were rich realities1 and the principal performers in them had not the slightest idea of affecting refinement upon such subjects4 ,goldsmith1 when he could get it1 had a weakness for haunch of venison2 and ,dr4 ,young was so struck with a broiled bladebone on which ,pope regaled him1 that he concluded it was a foreign dish1 and anxiously inquired how it was prepared4 ,ben ,jonson takes his place among the lovers of mutton1 while ,herrick wandering dinnerless about ,westminster1 ,nahum ,tate enduring sanctuary and starvation in the ,mint1 ,savage wantonly incurring hunger1 and ,otway strangled by it1 introduce us to authors with whom 8dining with ,duke ,humphrey10 was so frequent a process1 that each shadowy meal was but as a station towards death4 ,when ,goldsmith 8tramped0 it in ,italy1 his flute ceased to be his bread-winner as it had been in ,france2 the fellow-countrymen of ,palestrina were deaf to 8,barbara ,allen10 pierced from memory through the vents of an ,irish reed4 ,goldsmith1 therefore1 dropped his flute1 and took up philosophy2 not as a dignity2 he played it as he had done his flute1 for bread and a pillow4 ,he knocked at the gate of a college instead of at the door of a cottage1 made his bow1 gave out a thesis1 supported it in a ,latin which must have set on edge the teeth of his hearers1 and1 having carried his exhibition to a successful end1 was awarded the trifling and customary honorarium1 with which he purchased bread and strength for the morrow4 ,no saint in the howling wilderness lived a harder life than ,goldsmith during his struggling years in ,london2 the table traits1 even of his days of triumph1 were sometimes coloured unpleasingly4 ,i am not sure if ,goldsmith was present at the supper at ,sir ,joshua's1 when ,miss ,reynolds1 after the repast1 was called upon as usual to give a toast1 and not readily remembering one1 was asked to give the ugliest man of her acquaintance1 and thereon she gave 8,dr4 ,goldsmith20 the name was no sooner uttered than ,mrs4 ,cholmondeley rushed across the room1 and shook hands with ,reynolds's sister1 by way of approval4 ,what a sample of the manners of the day1 and how characteristic the remark of ,johnson1 who was present1 and whose wit1 at his friend's expense1 was rewarded by a roar1 that 8thus the ancients1 on the commencement of their friendships1 used to sacrifice a beast between them60 ,cuzzoni1 when found famishing1 spent the guinea given her in charity1 in a bottle of tokay and a penny roll4 ,so ,goldsmith1 according to ,mrs4 ,thrale1 was 8drinking himself drunk with ,madeira10 with the guinea sent to rescue him from hunger by ,johnson4 ,but let us be just to poor ,oliver4 ,if he squandered the eleemosynary guinea of a friend1 he refused roast beef and daily pay1 offered him by ,parson ,scott1 ,lord ,sandwich's chaplain1 if he would write against his conscience1 and in support of government2 and he could be generous in his turn to friends who needed the exercise of generosity4 ,when ,goldsmith went into the suburban gardens of ,london to enjoy his 8shoemakers' holiday10 he generally had ,peter ,barlow with him4 ,now ,peter's utmost limit of profligacy was the sum of fifteen-pence for his dinner2 his share would sometimes amount to five shillings1 but ,goldsmith always magnificently paid the difference4 ,perhaps there are few of the sons of song who dined so beggarly1 and achieved such richness of fame1 as ,butler1 ,otway1 ,goldsmith1 ,chatterton1 and1 in a less degree of reputation1 but not of suffering1 poor ,gerald ,griffin1 who wrestled with starvation till he began to despair4 ,chatterton did despair1 as he sat without food1 hope1 and humility2 and we know what came of it4 ,butler1 the sturdy son of a ,worcestershire farmer1 after he had astonished his contemporaries by his 8,hudibras10 lived known but to a few1 and upon the charity or at the tables of them4 ,but he did not1 like the heartless though sorely-tried ,savage1 slander the good-natured friends at whose tables he drew the support of his life4 ,as for ,otway1 whether he perished of suffocation by the roll which he devoured too greedily after long fasting1 or whether he died of the cold draught of water1 drank when he was overheated1 it is certain that he died in extreme penury at the 8,bull0 on ,tower ,hill1--the coarse frequenters of the low public-house were in noisy revelry round their tables1 while the body of the dead poet lay1 awaiting the grave1 in the room adjacent4 ,the table life of ,peter ,pindar was a far more joyous one than that of much greater poets4 ,at ,truro he was noted for his frugal fare1 and he never departed from the observance of frugality of living throughout his career4 ,he would sometimes1 we are told1 when visiting country patients1 and when he happened to be detained1 go into the kitchen and cook his own beefsteak1 in order to show a country cook how a steak was done in ,london1--the only place1 he said1 where it was properly cooked4 ,he laughed at the faculty as he did at the king1 and set the whole profession mad by sanctioning the plentiful use of water1 declaring that physic was an uncertain thing1 and maintaining that in most cases all that was required on the doctor's part was 8to watch nature1 and when she was going right1 to give her a shove behind40 ,he was accustomed to analyse the drugs which he had prescribed for his patients1 before he would allow the latter to swallow them1 and he gave a decided county bias against pork by remarking of a certain apothecary that he was too fond of bleeding the patients who resorted to him1 and too proud of his large breed of pigs4 ,the inference was certainly not in favour of pork4 ,peter's practical jokes in connexion with the table were no jokes to the chief object of them4 ,thus1 when a pompous ,cornish member of parliament issued invitations for as pompous a dinner to personages of corresponding pomposity1 8,peter10 recollecting that the senator had an aunt who was a laundress1 sent her an invitation in her nephew's name1 and the old lady1 happy and proud1 excited universal surprise1 and very particular horror in the bosom of the parliament-man1 by making her appearance in the august and hungry assembly1 who welcomed her about as warmly as if she had been a 8boule asphyxiatre0 of the new ,french artillery practice4 ,it is going a long way back to ascend from 8,pindar0 to ,tasso1 but both poets loved roasted chestnuts1--and there is the affinity4 ,peter never drank any thing but old rum2 a wine glass1 7never beyond a wine glass and a half17 served him for a day1 after a dinner of the plainest kind4 ,the doctor eschewed wine altogether1 at least in his latter days1 as generating acidity4 ,tasso1 however1 unlike our satirical friend1 was a wine-bibber4 ,during the imprisonment which had been the result of his own arrogance1 he wrote to the physician of the ,duke of ,ferrara1 complaining of intestinal pains1 of sounds of bells in his ears1 of painful mental images and varying apparitions of inanimate things appearing to him1 and of his inability to study4 ,the doctor advised him to apply a cautery to his leg1 abstain from wine1 and confine himself to a diet of broth and gruels4 ,the poet defended the sacredness of his appetite1 and declined to abstain from generous wine2 but he urged the medico to find a remedy for his ills1 promising to recompense him for his trouble1 by making him immortal in song4 ,at a later period of his life1 when he was the guest of his friend ,manco1 in his gloomy castle of ,bisaccio1 the illustrious pair were seated together1 after dinner1 over a dessert of ,tasso's favourite chestnuts and some generous wine2 and there he affrighted his friend by maintaining that he was constantly attended by a guardian spirit1 who was frequently conversing with him1 and in proof of the same1 he invited ,manco to listen to their dialogue4 ,the host replenished his glass and announced himself ready4 ,tasso fell into a loud rhapsody of mingled folly and beauty1 occasionally pausing to give his spirit an opportunity of speaking2 but the remarks of this agathodmon were inaudible to all but the ears of the poet4 ,the imaginary dialogue went on for an hour2 and at the end of it1 when ,tasso asked ,manco what he thought of it1 ,manco1 who was the most matter-of-fact man that ever lived1 replied that1 for his part1 he thought ,tasso had drunk too much wine and eaten too many chestnuts4 ,and truly ,i think so too4 ,the greatest of authors are given to the strangest of freaks4 ,thus one of the most popular of the teachers of the people presided at a gay tavern supper the night before the execution of the ,mannings4 ,the feast concluded1 the party 7supplied with brandy and biscuits7 proceeded to the disgusting spectacle1 where they occupied 8reserved seats20 and when all was done1 the didactic leader of the revellers and sight-seers1 thought he compensated for his want of taste1 by pronouncing as 8execrable0 the taste of those who1 like ,george ,selwyn1 could find pleasure in an execution4 ,but there are few men so inconsistent as didactic authors4 ,pope taught1 in poetry1 the excellence of moderation2 but he writes to ,congreve in #agae1 that he sits up till two o'clock over burgundy and champagne2 and he adds1 8,i am become so much of a rake that ,i shall be ashamed1 in a short time1 to be thought to do any sort of business40 ,but ,pope's table practice1 like ,swift's1 was not always of the same character4 ,the dean1 writing to ,pope1 in the same year that the latter tells ,congreve 7a dissolute man at table1 by the way7 of his sitting over burgundy and champagne till two in the morning1 speaks of quite another character of life3 8,you are to understand that ,i live in the corner of a vast unfurnished house4 ,my family consists of a steward1 a groom1 a helper in my stable1 a footman1 and an old maid1 who are all at board wages2 and when ,i do not dine abroad1 or make an entertainment1--which last is very rare1--,i eat a mutton pie1 and drink half a pint of wine40 ,pope's habit of sleeping after dinner did not incline him to obesity2 and it was a habit that the dean approved4 ,swift told ,gay that his wine was bad1 and that the clergy did not often call at his house2 an admission in which ,gay detected cause and effect4 ,in the following year to that last named1 ,swift wrote a letter to ,pope1 in which ,i find a paragraph affording a table trait of some interest3 8,i remember10 he says1 8when it grieved your soul to see me pay a penny more than my club1 at an inn1 when you had maintained me three months at bed and board2 for which1 if ,i had dealt with you in the ,smithfield way1 it would have cost me a hundred pounds1 for ,i live worse here 7,dublin7 upon more4 ,did you ever consider that ,i am1 for life1 almost twice as rich as you1 and pay no rent1 and drink ,french wine twice as cheap as you do port1 and have neither coach1 chair1 nor mother80 ,pope illustrates ,bolingbroke's way of living as well as his own some years later4 ,the reveller till two in the morning1 of the year #agae1 is sobered down to the most temperate of table men1 in #agbh4 8,my ,lord ,bolingbroke's great temperance and economy are so signal1 that the first is fit for my constitution1 and the latter would enable you to lay up so much money as to buy a bishopric in ,england4 ,as to the return of his health and vigour1 were you here1 you might inquire of his haymakers4 ,but1 as to his temperance1 ,i can answer that1 for one whole day1 we have had nothing for dinner but mutton broth1 beans and bacon1 and a barn-door fowl20 after all1 no bad fare either1 for peer or poet6 ,swift too1 at this period1 boasts no longer of his 8,french wines40 ,his appetite is affected by the appalling fact1 that the national debt amounts to the unheard-of sum of seven millions sterling6 and thereupon he says3 8,i dine alone on half a dish of meat1 mix water with my wine1 walk ten miles a day1 and read ,baronius40 ,such was the table and daily life of an author who began to despair of his country6 ,in #agcb1 however1 the dean was again full of hope1--we see it in the condition of his wine matters3 8,my stint in company10 he writes to ,gay1 8is a pint at noon1 and half as much at night2 but ,i often dine at home1 like a hermit1 and then ,i drink little or none at all40 ,was it that he despaired again1 when alone2 or that he only drank copiously at others' cost8 ,of his own cellar arrangements1 though1 he thus speaks3 8,my one hundred pounds will buy me six hogsheads of wine1 which will support me a year1 provis frugis in annum copia4 ,horace desired no more2 for ,i will construe frugis to be wine4 ,how a man who drank little or none at home1 and seldom saw company to help him to consume the remainder1 could contrive to get through six hogsheads in a year1 is a problem that will be solved when the philosophers of ,laputa have settled their theories40 ,literature is a pleasant thing when its professors have not to write in order to live4 ,such was the case in the last century1 with poor ,de ,limiers1 who was permitted to write in periodicals1 on the stipulation that he 8never told anybody40 ,it is said of him that he would have been an exceedingly clever person1 if he had not always been hungry1 but that famine spoiled his powers4 ,this was the bookseller's fault1 not his4 ,the same might nearly be said of poor ,gerald ,griffin2 but he kept his ability warm even amid cold hunger1 and had the courage to write his noble tragedy 8,gisippus0 on scraps of paper picked up by him in wretched coffee-shops1 where he used to take a late breakfast1 and cajole himself into the idea that it was dinner4 ,when ,cervantes1 with two friends1 were travelling from ,esquivias1 famous for its illustrious wines1 towards ,toledo1 he was overtaken by a 8polite student10 who added himself and his mule to the company of 8the crippled sound one0 and his friends1 and who gave honest ,miguel much fair advice touching the malady which was then swiftly killing him4 8,this malady is the dropsy10 said the student with the neck bands that would not keep in their place1--8the dropsy1 which all the water in the world would not cure1 even if it were not salt2 you must drink by rule1 sir1 and eat more1 and this will cure you better than any medicine40 8,many have told me so10 was the reply of the immortal ,miguel1 8but ,i should find it as impossible to leave off drinking1 as if ,i had been born for no other purpose4 ,my life is well-nigh ended1 and by the beatings of my pulse1 ,i think next ,sunday1 at latest1 will see the close of my career40 ,the great ,spaniard was not very incorrect in his prognostic4 ,i introduce this illustrative incident for a double reason2 first1 it is 8germane to the matter0 in hand1 and secondly1 it reminds me of a fact with the notice of which ,i will conclude this section of my imperfect narrative3 ,i allude to ,,the ,,liquor-,,loving ,,laureates4 ,it is incontrovertible that1 with the exception of two or three1 all our laureates have loved a more pleasant distillation than that from bay-leaves4 ,in the early days1 the 8versificatores regis10 were rewarded1 as all the minstrels in ,teutonic ballads are1 with a little money and a full bowl4 ,the nightingales in kings' cages piped all the better for their cake being soaked in wine4 ,from the time of the first patented laureate1 ,ben ,jonson1 the rule has borne much the same character1 and permanent thirstiness seems generally to have been seated under the laurel4 ,thus1 ,ben himself was given to joviality1 jolly company1 deep drinking1 and late hours4 ,his affection for a particular sort of wine acquired for him the nick-name of the ,canary-bird2 and indeed succeeding laureates who1 down to ,pye1 enjoyed the tierce of ,canary1 partly owe it to ,ben4 ,charles ,i4 added the wine to an increase of pay asked for by the bard2 and the spontaneous generosity of one king became a rule for those that followed4 ,the next laureate1 ,davenant1 a vintner's son1 was far more dissolute in his drinking1 for which he did not compensate by being more excellent in his poetry4 ,the third of the patented laureates1 ,dryden1 if he loved convivial nights1 loved to spend them as ,jonson did1 in 8noble society40 ,speaking of the ,roman poets of the ,augustan age1 he says3--8,they imitated the best way of living1 which was1 to pursue an innocent and inoffensive pleasure2 that which one of the ancients called #8eruditam voluptatem4' ,we have1 like them1 our genial nights1 where our discourse is neither too serious nor too light1 but always pleasant1 and for the most part instructive2 the raillery neither too sharp upon the present1 nor too censorious on the absent2 and the cups only such as will raise the conversation of the night1 without disturbing the business of the morrow40 ,the genial nights1 however1 were not always so delightfully ,elysian and sthetic4 ,when ,rochester suspected ,dryden of being the author of the 8,essay on ,satire10 which was really written by ,lord ,mulgrave1 and which was offensive to ,rochester1 the latter took a very unpoetical revenge4 ,as ,dryden was returning from his erudite voluptes at ,wills'1 and was passing through ,rose-street1 ,covent ,garden1 to his house in ,gerrard-street1 he was waylaid and severely beaten1 by ruffians who were believed to be in the pay of ,rochester4 ,the conversation of that night certainly must have disturbed the business of the morrow6 ,and next we come to hasty ,shadwell1 who may be summarily dismissed with the remark that he was addicted to sensual indulgence1 and to any company that promised good wine1 and plenty of it4 ,poor ,nahum ,tate1 too1 is described as 8a free and fuddling companion20 but the miserable man had gone through more fiery trials than genial nights4 ,of ,rowe1 the contrary may be said4 ,he was the great diner-out of his day2 always vivacious1 dashing1 gay1 good-humoured1 and habitually generous1 whether drunk or sober4 ,he was but a poor poet1 but he was succeeded by one who wrote worse and drank more--,eusden1 of whom ,gray writes to ,mason that he 8was a person of great hopes in his youth1 though at last he turned out a drunken parson40 ,cibber loved the bottle quite as intensely as ,eusden did1 and he was a gambler to boot2 but there were some good points about ,colley1 although ,pope has so bemauled him4 ,posterity has used ,cibber as his eccentric daughter did when he went to her fish-stall to remonstrate with her against bringing disgrace upon his family by her adoption of such a course3 the affectionate ,charlotte caught up a stinking sole1 and smacked her sire's face with it2 but ,colley wiped his cheek1 went home1 and got drunk to prove that he was a gentleman4 ,with heavy ,whitehead we first fall in with indisputable respectability4 ,he sipped his port1 a pensioner at ,lord ,jersey's table1 and wrote classical tragedies1 for which ,i heartily forgive him1 because they are deservedly forgotten4 ,his successor1 slovenly ,warton1 exulted over his college wine with the gobble of a turkey-cock2 and then came ,pye1 with his pleasant conviviality and his warlike strains1 which 8roared like a sucking dove10 and put to sleep the militia1 which it was hoped they would have aroused4 ,pye was of the time of 8,pindar1 ,pye1 and ,parvus ,pybus20 and it was during his tenure of office that the tierce of ,canary was discontinued1 and the #bgl4 substituted4 ,with ,southey1 a dignity was given to the laureateship1 which it had1 perhaps1 never before enjoyed2 and the poetic mantle fell on worthy shoulders1 when it covered those of the gentle ,wordsworth4 ,not that ,wordsworth never was drunk4 ,the bard of ,rydal ,mount was once in his life 8full of the god20 but he was drunk with strong enthusiasm too1 and the occasion excused1 if it did not sanctify the deed4 ,the story is well told by ,de ,quincey1 and it runs thus3-- 8,for the first time in his life1 ,wordsworth became inebriated at ,cambridge4 ,it is but fair to add1 that the first time was also the last time4 ,but perhaps the strangest part of the story is the occasion of this drunkenness1 which was the celebration of the first visit to the very rooms at ,christ ,college once occupied by ,milton1--intoxication by way of homage to the most temperate of men1 and this homage offered by one who has turned out himself to the full as temperate6 ,every man1 in the mean time1 who is not a churl1 must grant a privilege and charter of large enthusiasm to such an occasion2 and an older man than ,wordsworth1 at that era not fully nineteen1 and a man even without a poet's blood in his veins1 might have leave to forget his sobriety in such circumstances4 ,beside which1 after all1 ,i have heard from ,wordsworth's own lips that he was not too far gone to attend chapel decorously during the very acme of his elevation60 ,de ,quincey has told how pleasant1 and cheerful1 and conversational was the tea-time at ,wordsworth's table2 and there1 no doubt1 the poet was far more1 so to speak1 in his element than when in the neighbourhood of wine1 whose aid was not needed by him to elevate his conversation4 ,but ,wordsworth1 gentle as he was1 had nothing in him of the squire of dames1 whom he generally treated with as much indifference as the present laureate1 ,tennison1 was once said to feel for those very poetical little mortals1--children4 ,and here ,i end the record of a few table traits of the patented laureates1 adding no more of the fourteenth and last1 that is1 the present vice-,apollo to the ,queen1 than that he has said of his own tastes and locality to enjoy them in1 in ,will ,waterproof's ,lyrical ,monologue1 made at the ,cock1-- 8,o plump head waiter at #8,the ,cock1' ,to which ,i most resort1 ,how goes the time8 ',tis five o'clock4 ,go fetch a pint of port4 8,but let it not be such as that ,you set before chance-comers1 ,but such whose father-grape grew fat ,on ,lusitanian summers40 ,and now all things must have an end2 and the end of pleasure is like the end of life1--weariness1 satiety1 and regret2 and the end of a well-spent day is not of that complexion1 for its name should be 8supper10 without which1 however1 a man had better go to bed1 than with it and arise in debt4 ,but1 as the moral does not apply to us1 you and ,i1 ,reader1 if you will venture further with so indifferent a companion1 will go hand in hand1 before we finally separate4 ,,supper4 ,the supper was the only recognised repast in ,rome2 if1 indeed1 we may call that supper which sometimes took place at three in the afternoon4 ,it was then rather a dinner1 after which properly educated persons would not1 and those who had supped over freely could not1 eat again on the same day4 ,the early supper hour was favoured by those who intended to remain long at table4 8,imperat extructos frangere nona toros10 says ,martial4 ,the more frugal1 but they must also have been the more hungry1 supped1 like the ,queen of ,carthage1 at sunset2 8labente die convivia qurit40 ,all other repasts than this had no allotted hour2 each person followed inclination or necessity1 and there was no difference in the jentaculum1 the prandium1 or the merenda1--the breakfast1 dinner1 or collation1--save difference of time4 ,bread1 dried fruits1 and perhaps honey1 were alone eaten at these simple meals2 whereat too1 some1 like ,marius1 drank before supper-time1 8the genial hour for drinking40 ,the hosts were1 in earlier ages1 cooks as well as entertainers4 ,patroclus was famous for his ,olla ,podrida1 and a ,roman general received the ,samnite ambassadors in a room where he was boiling turnips for his supper6 ,sunset1 however1 was the ordinary supper-time amongst the ,romans4 8,de vespere suo vivere10 in ,plautus1 alludes to this4 ,in the time of ,horace1 ten o'clock was not an unusual hour1 and men of business supped even later4 ,at the period of the decadence of the empire1 it was the fashion to go to the baths at eight1 and sup at nine4 ,the repasts which commenced earlier than this were called tempestiva1 as lasting a longer time4 ,those which began by daylight--de die--had a dissolute reputation2 8ad amicam de die potare10 is a phrase employed in the ,asinaria to illustrate the great depravity of him to whom it is applied4 ,there is no doubt1 ,i think1 in spite of what critics say1 that1 however it may have been with the ,romans1 the ,greeks certainly had four repasts every day4 ,there was the breakfast 771 the dinner 771 the collation 771 and the chief of all1 despite the term for dinner1 the supper 774 ,among the ,romans the ,cna adventitia was the name given to suppers whereat the return of travellers to their homes was celebrated2 the ,cna popularis was simply a public repast1 given to the people by the government2 the terrestris cna was1 as ,hegio describes it in the ,captivei1 a supper of herbs1 multis oleribus4 ,the ,greeks called such 8a bloodless supper40 ,the parasite1 in ,athenus1 says that when he is going to a house to supper1 he does not trouble himself to gaze at the architectural beauties of the mansion1 nor the magnificence of the furniture1 but at the smoke of the chimney4 ,if it ascends in a thick column1 he knows there is certainty of good cheer2 but if it is a poor thread of smoke1 says he1 why then ,i know that there is no blood in the supper that is preparing3 ' ' 4 ,these repasts were gay enough when there was good ,chian wine1 unmixed with sea-water1 to set the wit going4 ,the banquets of ,las were probably the most brilliant ever seen in ,greece1 for there was abundance of sprightly intellect at them4 ,it might be said of them1 as ,sidney ,smith says of what used to be in ,paris under the ancient rgime1 when 8a few women of brilliant talents violated all the common duties of life1 and gave very pleasant little suppers40 ,it is a well-ascertained fact that when the ,greeks gave great entertainments1 and got tipsy thereat1 it was for pious reasons4 ,they drank deeply in honour of some god4 ,they not only drank deeply1 but progressively so2 their last cup at parting was the largest1 and it went by the terrible name of the ,cup of ,necessity4 ,there was a headache of twenty-anguish power at the bottom of it4 ,their pic-nic and conversation suppers were not bad things4 ,every guest brought his own rations in a basket2 but as the rich and the selfish used to shame and tantalise the poorer guests by their savoury displays1 ,socrates1 that dreadfully didactic personage1 imperious as ,beau ,nash in matters of social discipline1 insisted1 that what each guest brought should be common to all4 ,the result was less show and more comfort4 ,but ,i would not have liked to have supped where ,socrates was in the chair1 for1 in spite of his talents1 he was a horrid bore1 watching what and how each guest ate1 and speaking to or at him whenever his acute eye discovered a rent in the coat of his good manners4 ,if he sometimes said good things1 he as frequently said sharp ones2 and where he was president1 the guests were simply at school4 ,it is indeed seldom that the sages are desirable associates4 8,come and sup with me next ,thursday10 said a ,french ,amphitryon to a friend4 8,you shall meet philosophers or literary men2 take your choice40 8,my choice is soon made10 was the reply2 8,i will sup twice with you40 ,it was so arranged1 and the supper with the literati was incomparably the better banquet of the two4 ,the supper was the great meal of the ,greeks2 but neither at this1 nor at any other repast1 does ,homer ever make mention of boiled meat4 ,the ,greeks1 then1 were not like our poor ,greenwich pensioners1 who1 up to the present time1 have never been provided with meat cooked in any other way4 ,the result is that the men themselves look as if they were half-boiled4 ,but a new order of things1 including ovens and baked joints1 has been introduced into the kitchen and refectory of the hospital1 and the ancient mariners will soon show the effects of variety in diet and cooking1 by a healthier and a happier hue on their solemn and storm-beaten cheeks4 ,and this matter of boiled meat reminds me of the old ,duke of ,grafton1 who never ate any thing else at dinner or supper1 7for it was in the days of double meals17 but boiled mutton4 ,yet every day the cook was solemnly summoned to his grace's side1 to listen to orders which he knew by heart1 and instructions which wearied while they vexed his spirits4 ,the duke must have been of the saddened constitution which would have entitled him to sup with that nervous ,duke of ,marlborough1 who always joined with his invitation a request that his guest would say or do nothing to make him laugh1 as his grace could not bear excitement4 ,at the supper-table the ,romans did not decline the flesh of the ass1 nor that of the dog2 and they were as fond of finely fatted snails as the southern ,germans are1 who have inherited their taste4 ,macrobius1 describing the supper given by the epicurean pontiff ,lentulus1 in honour of his reception1 says that the first course was composed of sea hedgehogs1 oysters1 and asparagus4 ,after these provocatives came a second course1 consisting of more oysters1 and various other shell-fish1 fat pullets1 beccaficoes1 venison1 wild boar1 and sea nettles1--to digest the marine hedgehogs1 ,i suppose4 ,the third course assumed a more civilized aspect1 and the guests were only tempted by fish1 fowl1 game1 and cakes from the ,ancona marshes4 ,there is a supper of ,lentulus1 as described by ,becker4 ,the supper was given to ,gallus1 and the account of it is so little exaggerated as to afford a tolerably correct idea of what those banquets were4 ,nine guests1 two of them 8gentlemen from ,perusia10 occupied the triclinium4 ,the pictures around represented satyrs celebrating the joyous vintage2 the death of the boar2 fruit and provision pieces over the door1 and similar designs1 calculated to awaken a relish for the banquet1 were suspended between the elegant branches occupied by living thrushes4 ,the lowest place in the middle sofa was the seat for the most honoured guest4 ,as soon as all were in a reclining posture1 the attendant slaves took off their sandals1 and water in silver basins was carried round by good-looking youths1 and therewith the visitors performed their brief ablutions4 ,at a nod from the host1 two servants deposited the tray bearing the dishes of the first course in the centre of the table4 ,the chief ornament of this tray1 which was adorned with tortoise-shell1 was a bronze ass1 whose panniers were filled with olives1 and on whose back rode a ,silenus1 whose pores exuded a sauce which fell upon the roast breast of a sow that had never fulfilled a mother's duty1 below4 ,sausages on silver gridirons1 with ,syrian plums and pomegranate seeds beneath them to simulate fire2 and dishes1 also of silver1 containing various vegetables1 shell-fish1 snails1 and a reptile or two1 formed the other delicacies of this course4 ,while the guests addressed themselves thereto1 they were supplied with a beverage composed of wines and honey scientifically commingled4 ,the glory of the first course was1 however1 the carved figure of the brooding hen1 which was brought in on a separate small tray4 ,the eggs taken from beneath her were offered to the guests1 who found the apparent eggs made of dough1 on breaking which with the spoon1 a fat figpecker was seen lying in the pepper-seasoned yolk1 and strongly tempting the beholder to eat4 ,this delicacy1 was1 of course1 readily eaten1 and mulsum1 the mixture of ,hymettian honey and ,falernian wines1 was copiously drunk to aid digestion4 ,a good deal of wine was imbibed1 and numerous witch stories told 7a favourite supper pastime71 between and during the courses1 at which the dishes were more and more elaborate and fantastic4 ,a vast swine succeeded to a wild boar at the supper of ,lentulus1 who affecting to be enraged at his cook for forgetting to disembowel the animal before preparing it for the table1 that official feigns to tremble with the energy of his repentance1 and forthwith proceeds to perform the office of gutting the animal in presence of the guests4 ,he plunges his knife into its flanks1 when there immediately issues from the gaping wound string after string of little sausages4 ,the conclusion of the supper is thus told3--8,the eyes of the guest were suddenly attracted to the ceiling by a noise overhead2 the ceiling opened1 and a large silver hoop1 on which were ointment bottles of silver and alabaster1 silver garlands with beautifully chiselled leaves1 and circlets and other trifles1 descended upon the table2 and after the dessert1 prepared by the new baker1 whom ,lentulus purchased for a hundred thousand sesterces1 had been served up1 the party rose1 to meet again in the brilliant saloon1 the intervening moments being spent1 by some in sauntering along the colonnades1 and by others in taking a bath40 ,in the description of the supper given by ,siba to celebrate the return of ,nero to ,rome1 we find that the slaves1 when they took off the sandals of the guests1 supplied them with others of a lighter description1 which were fastened by crossed ribands4 ,those who did not come in 8dress10 were furnished with variegated woollen vestments to cover their togas4 ,siba's banquet began to the sound of a hydraulic organ1 which1 however1 was only in place of our dinner-bell4 ,when the lime-wood tables were duly covered and flowered1 the guests took their places to the sound of flutes and harps1 and said a sort of grace1 by invoking ,jupiter2 while a modest libation of wine was cast on the floor in honour of the household gods4 ,the first course consisted of some remarkably strange dishes1 but the guests reserved their appetite1 or provoked it with pickled radishes1 fried grasshoppers1 and similar cattle4 ,a master of drinking was then chosen1 whose duty it was to regulate how often the guests should drink2 and the latter invariably selected the most confirmed toper4 ,we leave this office to the master of the house1 and in well-regulated families that high official leaves his guests to do according to their good pleasure4 ,the garlands having been duly encircled round the brows of ,siba's friends1 the trumpets announced the entrance of the second course4 ,the second course was duly discussed1 its extraordinary dishes thoroughly consumed1 and the four cups were drained to ,nero2 being the number of letters in his name2 and a good deal of jollity began to abound1 which was checked a little by the arrival of a present from the emperor1 sent to ,siba1 and which consisted of a silver skeleton4 ,as the guests feared to interpret the meaning of the gift they fell to deeper drinking1 and then to singing1 and philosophising2 and then resumed their eating2 and when the force of nature could no further go1 they called in the jugglers1 and tumblers1 and buffoons1 and puppets1 and having drawn as much amusement from these as they possibly could1 they whipped up their flagging sensations by looking at the feats of ,spanish dancing girls1 and these were succeeded by ten couple of gladiators1 who slew one another in the apartment for the pastime of the supremely indifferent personages who lay half asleep and half drunk1 and lazily applauded the murderous play4 ,the company were in the very midst of this innocent amusement when the fire was lit up in ,rome by ,nero1 and which did not spare the mansion of ,siba4 ,the struggle to escape was not more furious and selfish than that which took place at ,prince ,schwartzenberg's ball in ,paris1 at which the devouring flames had as little respect for some of the guests as they had at the terrible supper of ,caius ,siba4 ,it may be said that civilization never afforded such examples of deformed appetites as some of those which we find in the records of the olden time4 ,but this is not the case4 ,they are fewer2 but they do exist4 ,we read in the modern history of ,germany1 that a man with an uncontrollable appetite for bacon once presented himself at the tent where ,charles ,gustavus was supping1 before ,prague1 which he was besieging4 ,the man was a boor1 and had sought access to the king1 to ask permission to perform before him a feat which he boasted of being able to accomplish1--namely1 devour a whole hog4 ,general ,koenigsmark1 who was present1 and was very superstitious1 warned the king not to listen to a being who1 if not the devil1 was probably leagued with him4 8,i'll tell you what it is1 and please your ,majesty10 said the boor1 8if you will but make that old gentleman take off his sword and spurs1 ,i'll eat him before ,i begin with the hog60 ,the general was no coward2 but he took to his heels1 as though the man were serious1 and left the king to enjoy what pleasure he might from seeing a peasant eat a whole pig4 ,in ,africa1 the rustics eat something smaller than pigs for supper4 ,when ,cailli was in that quarter of the world1 a ,bambere woman gave him some yams1 and what he thought was gambo sauce1 to make them palatable4 ,on dipping his yams therein1 however1 he saw some little paws1 and at once knew that it was the famous mouse-sauce2 but he was hungry1 and continued his repast4 ,he often subsequently saw the women chopping up mice for their suppers4 ,when the animals were caught1 they were singed over a fire1 put by for a week1 and then cooked4 ,a hungry man might eat thereof without loathing4 ,we have all partaken of far less clean animals4 ,it is commonly said that the time of the evening meal is the very hour for wit4 ,i do not know how this may be1 but ,souwarow's wit appears to have been uncommonly alert at supper-time4 ,when he returned from his ,italian campaign to ,st4 ,petersburg1 in #agii1 the ,emperor ,paul sent ,count ,kontaissow to compliment him on his arrival4 ,the count had been originally a ,circassian slave1 and valet to ,paul1 who had successively raised him to the ranks of equerry1 baron1 and count4 ,the ,circassian parvenu found the old warrior at supper4 8,excuse me10 said ,souwarow1 pausing in his meal1 8,i cannot recall the origin of your illustrious family4 ,doubtless your valour in battle procured for you your dignity as count40 8,well1 no10 said the ex-valet1 8,i have never been in battle40 8,ah6 perhaps you have been attached to an embassy80 8,no40 8,to a ministerial office then80 8,that neither40 8,what important post1 then1 have you occupied80--8,i have been valet-de-chambre to the emperor10 8,oh1 indeed10 said the veteran leader1 laying down his spoon1 and calling aloud for his own valet1 ,troschka4 8,here1 you villain10 said he1 as the latter appeared1 8,i tell you daily to leave off drinking and thieving1 and you never listen to me4 ,now1 look at this gentleman here4 ,he was a valet like you2 but being neither sot nor thief1 he is now grand equerry to his majesty1 knight of all the ,russian orders1 and count of the empire4 ,go1 sirrah1 follow his example1 and you will have more titles than your master2 who requires nothing just now1 but to be left alone to finish his supper60 ,it was at ,paris1 however1 that the evening hour was generally accounted as the peculiar season of wit2 but wit1 often too daring at such an hour1 sometimes got chastised for its over-boldness4 ,at one of the petits soupers of ,paris1 in this olden time1 when wit and philosophy had temporarily dethroned religion1 a little abb1 who had the air of a full-grown ,cupid in a semi-clerical disguise1 or who was like ,rose ,pomaponne in a carnival suit at the ,courtille1 took upon himself to amuse the assembled company with stories intended to ridicule the old-fashioned faith1 7as the philosophers styled ,christianity17 and its professors4 ,he was particularly comic on the subject of hell and eternal punishments1 upon which questions he dilated with a fulness that would have scarcely edified either ,professor ,maurice or ,dr4 ,jelf4 ,the whole of the amiable society exploded in inextinguishable laughter at hearing this villanous abb speak of hell itself as his 8feu de joie60 ,there was1 however1 one face there that bore upon it no traces of a smile4 ,it was that of an old marechal-de-camp1 who might have said1 like the old beadle of ,st4 ,mary's1 ,oxford1 8,i have held this office1 sir1 for more than thirty years1 and1 thank heaven1 ,i am a ,christian yet60 ,well1 the old marchal frowned as1 looking at the infidel abb1 he remarked1 8,i see very plainly1 sir1 by your uniform1 to what regiment you belong1 but it seems to me that you must be a deserter40 8,my dear marchal10 answered the profligate priest1 with a beaming smile1 8it may indeed be a little as you say1 but then1 you see1 ,i do not hold in my troop the rank which you enjoy in yours4 ,i am not a marechal-de-camp60 8,parbleu10 rejoined the old soldier1 8you never could have reached such a rank1 for1 to judge by your conduct and sentiment1 you would have been hanged long before your chance came for promotion40 ,at the soupers of ,paris1 however1 there were few men who were of the character of our marechal-de-camp4 ,bungener1 in his 8,voltaire et son ,temps10 illustrates the confusion into which men's ideas had got upon the subject of things spiritual and things temporal1 by noticing the affair of the ,chevalier de la ,barre1 in #agff4 ,amid the accusations brought against him was one1 according to which it was laid to his charge that he had recited in public a certain filthy ode4 ,he was condemned to be broken on the wheel1 on charges of irreligion1 of which this was one4 ,but the part of the question that must have made ,astra weep through the bandage with which poets have bound her eyes1 was this1 namely1 that the author of the obscene ode objected to1 ,piron1 was then in the reception of a pension from the court2 and this pension had been procured for him by ,montesquieu1 by way of compensation for his having lost his seat at the ,academy1 in consequence of his having been the author of this very ode4 ,this confusion of rewards and penalties was enough to make ,justice dash her brains out with her own scales4 ,piron would have been in no wise troubled by such a catastrophe2 the pension from the court enabled him to keep a joyous table1 and that was enough for him4 ,duclos was a contemporary and a co-disciple with ,piron1 in the temple of philosophy4 ,in #agff1 he was at ,rome1 where he gave such charming little suppers1 that the ,sacred ,college gratefully extended to him the privileged permission of reading improper books6 ,the philosophers were then in possession of considerable influence4 ,marmontel1 who was one of them1 was sent to the ,bastille1 on a certain ,friday1 in the year #agfj4 ,soon after his arrival1 he was supplied with an excellent dinner maigre1 the which he ate without thinking of complaining4 ,his servant was just on the point of addressing himself to the scanty remains1 when lo6 an admirable but somewhat irreligious repast1 of meat and other things which come under the denomination of gras1 and are therefore forbidden on fast-days1 was brought in4 ,the unorthodox banquet was intended for ,marmontel2 the more lenten fare was intended for his servant4 ,for in those days1 although philosophers were sent to prison1 their appetites were left to their heretical freedom4 ,this liberty was allowed by the state1 but it was neither sanctioned nor practised by the ,church4 ,the authority of the latter was great previous to the ,revolution4 ,there was then a clerical police1 which looked into the dishes as well as the consciences of the people--of all degrees4 ,i have somewhere read of a body of this police coming in collision1 during ,lent1 with the officers of the household of the ,prince of ,conti1 who were conveying through the streets1 from a neighbouring rotisseur's to the ducal palace1 a supper1 through the covers of which there penetrated an odour which savoured strongly of something succulent and sinful1 of gravy and gravity4 ,thereupon the archbishop's alguazils bade the prince's men stand and deliver4 ,the followers of the house of ,conti drew their swords in defence of their rights and sauces4 ,much of the latter on the side of ,conti1 and a little malapert blood on both sides1 was spilt1 to the edification of the standers by4 ,finally1 the transgressors of the ,church law were dragged to prison4 ,the damaged repast remained on the pav1 for the benefit of poor souls who assumed ecclesiastical licence to devour it without fear of damnation2 and the servants of ,conti were left in damp cells to meditate at their leisure upon the argument which ,dean ,swift at another period had thus cast into verse3-- 8,who can declare1 with common sense1 ,that bacon fried gives ,god offence8 ,or that a herring hath the charm ,almighty vengeance to disarm8 ,wrapt up in ,majesty divine1 ,doth ,he regard on what we dine80 ,to pass from cooks and church to courtesy and coachmen1 ,i may here speak of a certain ,girard who was known in ,paris1 during the ,terror1 for his love of what he called liberty and good living4 ,in his early days he was a very independent coachman1 and was just on the point of concluding an engagement with an aristocratic old countess1 when he remarked--8,before ,i finally close with madame1 ,i should like to be informed for whom madame's horses are to make way in the streets40 8,for every one10 said the countess4 8,on questions of precedence1 ,i am not difficult2 if it is yielded to me1 ,i take it2 if not1 ,i wait40 8,in that case10 said the aristocratic ,john1 8,i shall not suit1 madame1 as ,i myself never draw aside except for the princes of the blood60 ,now this great personage in livery was no other than the ,girard who became1 in #agic1 the 8public accuser10 and who sent to the scaffold those same nobles who had not been sufficiently noble for him in #aghj4 ,upon the matter of what became nobility1 however1 there was always much confusion in the 8aristocratic idea0 of the highest continental families4 ,thus who1 in contemplating the famous ,princess des ,ursins1 seated among the most honoured at the table of the ,king of ,spain1 would dream of her writing the following sentence in one of her letters to ,madame de ,maintenon8 8,it is ,i who have the honour of taking from his majesty his robe de chambre1 when he gets into bed2 and ,i am there to give it to him again1 with his slippers1 when he rises in the morning40 ,the flattery paid to royalty in ,france was never more prodigally offered than at the period when 8wit and philosophy0 were beginning to undermine the throne4 ,we have an instance of this in what happened when the queen of ,louis ,,xv4 arrived1 in #agfe1 at ,fert-sous-,jouarre1 where she intended to sup and sleep4 ,she was met beneath an avenue of trees1 outside the town1 by the authorities1 who offered to her1 according to custom1 bread and wine4 ,the queen took a portion of the bread1 broke it in two1 and ate thereof1 as well as of some grapes1 sipping also the wine2 to the delight and edification of the admiring multitude4 ,the authorities were so struck by the act of condescension on the part of the royal personage1 that they made record of the fact in the register of the town council4 ,and this they did in such terms as to cause a commentator to remark1 that they could hardly have said more1 had her majesty been a genuine goddess4 ,after all1 this sort of homage had fallen off1 in #agfe1 from what it had been two centuries before4 ,when ,louis ,,xii4 encountered his bride1 ,mary of ,england1 outside ,abbeville1 he clapped his feeble hands1 and wished the devil might seize him 7and he did die soon after7 if she were not more beautiful than report had painted her6 ,at the gates of ,abbeville1 the ill-assorted pair were met by the ,bishop of ,amiens and the municipal magistrates1 to welcome them to the evening banquet ere they betook themselves to repose4 ,the bishop presented the new ,queen of ,france with a piece of the ,real ,cross4 8,the mayeurs offered a gift1 the nature of which brings it within my subject40 ,the gift was usual whenever king and queen appeared at the portals of the old monkish city4 ,it consisted of three tuns of wine1 three fat oxen1 and fifteen quarters of oats1 three pecks of which were presented to the astonished lady on bended knee1 and in a measure painted light blue1 and covered with golden fleurs-de-lys4 ,a complimentary address to the king crowned all4 8,sire10 said the chief local magistrate1 8you may now conclude your marriage in this our good city1 without any fear of committing sin thereby2 for1 in the year #adji were reformed1 as abuses1 those synodal statutes by which men in our city were forbidden to live with their wives1 during three whole mortal days after the wedding60 ,the monarch entered and sat down with his consort to a repast which rendered both ill for more than double the period just mentioned4 ,louis had well-nigh died1 like ,la ,matrie1 the infidel philosopher at ,berlin1 of an indigestion4 ,had he done so1 it might have been said of him1 as the infidel ,prussian king said of ,la ,matrie3 8,he was a gourmand1 but he died like a philosopher2 let us have no more anxiety about him40 ,frederic himself loved philosophy more than faith1 and philosophical though profligate kings1 more than he did 8,most ,christian0 or 8,most ,catholic0 monarchs4 ,he was wont1 therefore1 to laugh at the story of the famished beggar who1 standing near the statue of ,henri ,,iv4 on the ,pont ,neuf1 solicited charity of a friend of ,voltaire who was passing by4 8,in the name of ,god10 said the mendicant4 ,the student of philosophy was deaf4 8,in the name of the ,holy ,virgin60--8,in the name of the saints60 ,the appeal was unheeded4 8,in the name of ,henri ,,iv60 exclaimed the petitioned2 and forthwith the ,voltairean put his hand in his pocket1 giving a crown-piece1 in the name of a philosophical profligate1 while he refused a sou when asked for in the name of ,god4 ,but1 as ,frederic used to say1 8,how divine is philosophy60 ,in his mouth the exclamation was like the well-known cry of ,marcel1 the ecstatic dancing-master3 8,que de choses dans un minuit60 ,there is a story told in connexion with this same great ,frederic which is a good table trait in its way4 ,joachim von ,ziethen was one of the bravest of the generals who stood by ,frederic the ,great in victory or defeat4 ,he was the son of a poor gentleman1 and had little education save what he could pick up in barracks1 camps1 and battle fields1 in all of which he figured in early youth4 ,if his head was not over-ballasted with learning1 his heart was well freighted with that love for ,god1 of which some portion1 as the dismissed lecturer on ,ecclesiastical ,history in ,king's ,college tells us1 is in almost every individual without exception1 and forms the sheet-anchor which shall enable him to ride through the storms which keep him from his desired haven of rest4 ,he became the terror of the foes of ,prussia2 but among his comrades1 he was known only as 8good father ,ziethen40 ,he was remarkable for his swiftness at once of resolve and execution1 and in remembrance as well as illustration thereof1 a sudden surprise is spoken of by an astonished ,prussian as 8falling on one like ,ziethen from an ambush40 ,now1 old ,ziethen1 after the triumph achieved in the ,seven ,years' ,war1 was always a welcome guest at the table of ,frederic the ,second4 ,his place was ever by the side of the royal master whose cause he had more than once saved from ruin2 and he only sat lower at table when there happened to be present some foreign royal mediocrity1 illustriously obscure4 ,on one occasion1 he received a command to dine with the king on ,good ,friday4 ,ziethen sent a messenger to his sovereign1 stating that it was impossible for him to wait on his majesty1 inasmuch as that he made a point of never omitting to take the sacrament on that day1 and of always spending the subsequent portion of the day in private meditation4 ,a week elapsed before the scrupulous old soldier was again invited to the royal dinner-table4 ,at length he appeared in his old place1 and merry were the guests1 the king himself setting an example of uproarious hilarity4 ,the fun was running fast and furious1--it was at its very loudest1 when ,frederic1 turning to ,ziethen1 smacked him familiarly on the back1 and exclaimed1 8,well1 grave old ,ziethen6 how did the supper of ,good ,friday agree with your sanctimonious stomach8 ,have you properly digested the veritable body and blood80 ,at this blasphemy1 and amid the thunders of pealing laughter1 the saluting artillery of the delighted guests1 ,ziethen leaped to his feet1 and after shaking his grey hairs with indignation1 and silencing the revellers with a cry1 as though they had been dogs1 he turned to the godless master of the realm1 and said--words1 if not precisely these1 certainly and exactly to this effect3-- 8,i shun no danger2--your majesty knows it4 ,my life has been always ready for sacrifice1 when my country and the throne required it4 ,what ,i was1 that ,i am2 and my head ,i would place on the block at this moment1 if the striking of it off could purchase happiness for my king4 ,but there is ,one who is greater than ,i1 or any one here2 and ,he is a greater sovereign than you who mock ,him here from the throne in ,berlin4 ,he it is whose precious blood was shed for the salvation of all mankind4 ,on ,him1 that ,holy ,one1 my faith reposes3 ,he is my consoler in life1 my hope in presence of death2 and ,i will not suffer ,his name to be derided and attacked where ,i am by1 and have voice to protest against it4 ,sir1 if your soldiers had not been firm in this faith1 they would not have gained victories for you4 ,if you mock this faith1 and jeer at those who cling to it1 you only lend a hand to bury yourself and the state in ruin40 ,after a pause he added1 looking the while on the mute king3--8,what ,i have spoken is ,god's truth2 receive it graciously40 ,frederic was the patron of ,voltaire1 who had dared to say at his own table that what it had taken ,god and twelve ,apostles to build up1 one man 7,voltaire7 would destroy4 ,but ,frederic was now1 for the moment1 more deeply moved by what had been uttered by the unphilosophical ,ziethen than by anything that had ever fallen from the brilliant but irreligious ,voltaire4 ,he rose1 flung his left arm over ,ziethen's shoulder1 offered his right hand to the brave old ,christian general1 and exclaimed3--8,ziethen1 you are a happy man6 ,would that ,i could be like you6 ,hold fast by your faith2 and ,i will respect even where ,i cannot believe4 ,what has occurred shall never happen again40 ,a deep and solemn silence followed1 and the dinner was spoiled1 according to the guests1 to whom the king gave the signal to disperse long before their appetites had been satisfied4 ,ziethen was preparing to withdraw with the rest1 but ,frederic1 taking him by the hand1 whispered3--8,you1 my friend1 come with me to my cabinet40 ,this anecdote was told by ,bishop von ,eylert to ,frederic ,william ,,iii4 ,that king1 who had never heard of the incident1 pronounced on it a three-piled eulogium of 8excellent1 pleasing1 and instructive10 adding thereto a natural desire to know what passed between the king and ,ziethen in the cabinet4 ,it were doubtless well worth knowing1 but ,i have sought for any notice of it1 and all in vain4 ,the good bishop1 as he deserved1 was invited to remain at ,sans ,souci1 to supper4 8,i excused myself10 says the prelate1 in his memoir of the king1 8as having only a common upper coat on40 ,the king replied1 smilingly1 8,i know very well that you have got a dollar and a dress-coat2 you are the same person in either4 ,i want you1 not your coat2 so1 go in40 ,the ,prussian soldiers1 in the days of the great ,frederic1 used to be allowed unlimited liberty in providing themselves with food in an enemy's country4 ,the like permission1 but somewhat enlarged1 was given to the ,croat soldiers1 under the name of foraging for 8supper20 but in that permission they included every meal4 ,they are as ready at it as ,abyssinians2 they cut a slice out of the first beast they fall in with1 salt it1 put it between the saddle and the horse's back1 gallop till it gets warm1 and then eat it with ,croat appetite4 ,the sportsmen of ,dauphiny eat beccaficoes after much the same fashion2 they pluck the bird1 sprinkle it with pepper and salt1 carry it on their hat to dry in the air1 and eat it with relish for supper1 without any further cooking4 ,they declare it is far better so than when roasted4 ,celebrated as the 8petits soupers0 of the ,french were during the last century1 they were equalled in brilliancy1 and perhaps surpassed in popularity1 by those given in ,paris by the ,duchess of ,kingston4 ,the adventures of that very adventurous lady rendered her a favourite with our lively neighbours4 ,when a rustic ,devonshire beauty1--wayward1 capricious1 ignorant1 and seductive1 ,elizabeth ,chudleigh was suddenly transplanted to the court of the ,princess of ,wales1 as maid of honour4 ,she there captivated the youthful ,duke of ,hamilton1 returned his affection1 and accepted the offer of his hand4 ,they loved intensely1 quarrelled furiously1 and were reconciled warmly2 the enemies of both toiled incessantly to prevent the marriage1 and each was daily told of the alleged infidelities of the other4 ,one of these stories excited the ardent beauty to such rage that she dismissed her ducal lover1 and in the whirlwind of her wrath gave her hand to ,captain ,hervey1 brother of the ,earl of ,bristol4 ,she married in haste1 and repented quite as hastily4 ,she hated her husband before they left the church together2 and after six months of the most active domestic warfare1 the ill-assorted pair separated by mutual consent4 ,she went abroad to find solace for her disappointment1 and was heartily welcomed at the courts of ,st4 ,petersburg1 ,prussia1 and ,saxony2 she was the favoured guest of ,catherine ,,ii41 and of the great ,frederic1 at ,berlin2 and no electoral banquet took place at ,dresden without being enlivened by her presence and her wit4 ,when she accepted the invitation to resume her place at the ,english court1 the reception she met with was enthusiastic3 she played whist with the men1 and she drove four-in-hand as if she had been the born daughter of a charioteer1 brought up to her father's business4 ,her accomplishments won the heart of the simplest of dukes and the gentlest of men1 his grace of ,kingston1 and as an ecclesiastical court1 in #agfi1 pronounced her marriage with ,captain ,hervey 7now ,earl of ,bristol7 null and void1 she speedily espoused her ducal admirer1 while her former husband bestowed an earl's coronet on a second wife4 ,the duke's property was not entailed1 and the duchess spent it with such reckless prodigality1 that his grace was fairly frightened into consumption and death2 and in #aggc she was a beautiful widow1 with the large remnant of the duke's fortune in her possession--as long as she did not marry again4 ,away she went to ,rome1 sailed up the ,tiber in her own yacht1 entertained the pope 7,ganganelli7 ,clement ,,xiv4 at breakfast1 dinner1 and supper1 and kept up such a state that the world had never beheld such extravagant splendour since the days of the most profuse and profligate of queens3 the heirs of the duke1 seeing their inheritance fast melting away1 instituted against her the famous suit for bigamy1 on the ground that the ecclesiastical court which broke her first marriage had no power to do so4 ,to meet her accusers she hurried to ,england1 where she considerably startled the modest among our grandmothers by her ,sunday amusements1 and the daily display afforded by the very lowest of dresses4 ,but as she gave most splendid dinners she had no lack of friends1 and few men could find it in their hearts to abandon a woman in distress1 whose kitchen fires were never extinguished1 who gave her guests green peas at ,christmas1 and whose commonest beverage was imperial tokay4 ,the ,house of ,lords judged her case1 heard her defence1 and pronounced her second marriage bigamy by overthrowing the decree of the ecclesiastical court with regard to her first union4 ,to avoid the vulgar penalty she immediately fled1 crossed the ,channel in a storm1 and proceeded to ,munich1 where she was royally entertained1 especially as the law could not touch the property bequeathed her by the ,duke of ,kingston4 ,the courtesy title of duchess was still allowed her1 and the ,elector of ,bavaria added to it that of ,countess of ,warth4 ,great nobles gave entertainments in her honour1 which lasted1 for days1 and ended with a ball1 a banquet1 and1 instead of common-place fireworks1 the storming of a town at midnight4 ,poor nobles vied with each other for her smiles and the life-interest of her possessions2 but as she had once been nearly entrapped by a ,greek ,prince ,warta1 who turned out to be the son of an ass-driver in ,trebizond1 and who committed suicide in prison1 she made and kept her resolution to be her own mistress for the future1 and not that of either count or kaiser4 ,in ,france1 where she ultimately resided1 she purchased the estate of ,st4 ,assize au ,port1 which had formerly belonged to the ,duke of ,orleans1 the father of 8,egalit40 ,she paid down a million and a half of francs for it1 and sold seven thousand francs' worth of rabbits from it1 during the first week of her residence there4 ,a fricasee of the duchess's rabbits was1 for a long time1 the chief dish at all the guinguettes round ,paris4 ,her own great suppers were famous for their refinement and luxury4 ,she was a lover of good living1 a ,,gourmet rather than a ,,gourmande2 an epicure of taste1 but not a glutton2 and the gastronomic art never could boast of a more liberal patronage than that she bestowed upon it1 especially in her ,paris residence2 where her table1 her wit1 her dinners1 and her diamonds1 made of her1 for a time1 the most remarkable personage in the capital4 ,she died suddenly1 of the rupture of a blood-vessel1 in #aghh1 and was completely forgotten before that year had also expired4 ,i have mentioned that our eccentric countrywoman had purchased the property of the ,duke of ,orleans2 and that reminds me how fatal the table1 and particularly the supper-table1 has been to the dukes of that house4 ,thus ,philippe1 the brother of ,louis ,,xiv41 quarrelled with the latter touching the marriage which the king wished to conclude between one of his own natural daughters and the duke's son4 ,orleans1 fevered and flushed1 went to sup 8with the ladies of ,st4 ,cloud40 ,he had not long before eaten heavily and drunk deeply at dinner2 and at this second meal he was fatally stricken with apoplexy4 ,the king said he was sorry1 and having thus far given way to his grief1 he sat down with ,madame de ,maintenon to rehearse the overture of an opera4 ,this duke's son and successor gave suppers1 at which his infamous daughter1 the ,duchess de ,berri1 presided1 and admission to which was purchased by the candidate making simple denial of his belief in a ,god6 ,the fate of both had something retributive in it4 ,the ,duchess de ,berri1 who had privately married a profligate and ugly officer of her guards1 named ,de ,riou1 sought to overcome her father's wrathful refusal to acknowledge the union1 by giving him a splendid supper al-fresco on the terrace of ,meudon1 on the #acth ,may1 #agji4 ,the evening proved cold and damp1 and the duchess caught there a fever brought on by a chill1 over-feeding1 and deep drinking1 of which she died4 ,fourteen years afterwards1 the sire who1 at sixteen1 had all the experience in vice of a man of sixty1 was dining with the ,duchess of ,phalaria1 his last mistress1 when he was taken ill4 ,the physician who was summoned enjoined abstinence immediate and complete4 8,wait till to-morrow10 said the duke1 8,i will enjoy myself to-night40 ,and accordingly1 the exemplary pair supped together1 and the lady was in the act of telling the duke one of her lively stories4 ,as she went on1 the glass slid from his hand1 and his head sank upon her shoulder4 ,she thought he was asleep1 and went on with her story2 but he to whom she was telling it was stone-dead4 ,the son of the regent duke was in every respect unlike his father4 ,he ate his last supper with the ,jansenist fathers of the ,genevive1--symbol of his general habits and the society he kept4 ,his son was the father of ,egalit1 and at the time of his death 7#aghe7 was popular with the lower classes at ,paris for the nightly suppers which he distributed to them1 and which consisted of bread and wine1 with medicine for those who needed it4 ,it was a distribution made not charitably1 but politically4 ,of the last meal of ,egalit1 before he went to execution1 ,i only know that it was a breakfast1 and not a supper1 and that he both ate and drank heartily4 ,misfortune quite as little disturbed the appetite of the ,louis ,philippe of our own days4 ,during his flight from ,paris he never forgot the hour of supper or dinner2 and when 8,william ,smith0 landed at ,newhaven1 the first thing he asked for was--something to eat4 ,i notice these table traits1 simply because the ,orleanist historians always speak contemptuously of ,louis ,,xvi4 eating1 with appetite1 in open court during his trial4 ,the stomach of ,orleans was ever as ready as that of ,bourbon4 ,the supper has been called the conversational meal1 but to make it so in perfection it requires a thorough professor of the science of conversation--one who knows that its very spirit consists less in being a good talker himself than in flinging about suggestive matter to induce others to converse upon4 ,the host who understands the science will so do this that his guests will be satisfied with themselves4 ,some ,french writer has said1 in reference to this after-supper gossip1 that it should be like a game at cards1 at which each player does his best1--but ,i do not endorse this sentiment to its fullest extent1 although ,i allow that there is something in it4 ,the wise generally1 and dyspeptics especially1 will do well to avoid political subjects after supper2 and perhaps there is no more comprehensive remark to be made on this matter than one advanced by a follower of ,la ,bruyre1 a minor moralist1 who has said that 8la confiance fournit plus la conversation que l'esprit ou l'rudition40 ,i recollect once seeing the dullest of evenings made suddenly bright by an apt query modestly put by one who needed not to inquire1 but who quietly asked if anyone present could name the author of the line3-- 8,fine by degrees1 and beautifully less40 ,many a wide guess was fired off prior to the successful naming4 ,the general opinion was in favour of ,pope1 and ,pope has indeed written a line very like it3-- 8,fine by defect1 and delicately weak40 ,the falling upon such coincidences are the very explosives of after-supper discussions3 thus1 the very familiar line-- 8,rides in the whirlwind1 and directs the storm10 may be the text for a pretty dispute4 ,it occurs in ,addison's 8,campaign10 and also in ,pope's 8,dunciad40 ,the latter poet too has said-- 8,ye little stars1 hide your diminish'd rays20 but ,milton1 before him1 had written-- 8,at whose sight all the stars ,hide their diminish'd heads40 ,schiller's 8,thekla0 warbles melodiously her melancholy assurance-- 8,ich habe gelibt und geliebet20 and ,byron's 8,sardanapalus10 equally used up1 mutters with a faint sigh the same words-- 8,i have lived and loved40 ,we all know who tells us that 8,gospel light first beam'd from ,boleyn's eyes20 and ,horace ,walpole harped on the same tune1 when he said-- 8,from ,catherine's wrongs a nation's bliss was spread1 ,and ,luther's light from ,henry's lawless bed40 ,gray and ,moss1 too1 afford instances of like coincidences of sound or sentiment1 or both4 ,the first1 in his 8,elegy10 has-- 8,and leaves the world to darkness and to me40 ,the second1 in his 8,beggar's ,petition10 sings to the same air-- 8,and left the world to wretchedness and me40 ,i have noticed1 in a former page1 how ,gray's line of 8,dear as the light that visits these sad eyes10 must necessarily remind one of ,shakspeare's words1 in the mouth of ,brutus-- 8,dear as the drops that visit this sad heart40 ,demosthenes has truly said-- 1 so that ,sir ,john ,minnes is not even the original author of the ,hudibrastically sounding assertion-- 8,he who fights and runs away1 ,may live to fight another day40 ,the lines in ,hudibras are as the perfecting and comment on the above1 remarking as they do-- 8,for he that runs may fight again1 ,which he can never do that's slain40 ,these coincidences are1 no doubt1 unintentional4 ,for my own part1 ,i do not believe that ,shakspeare1 when he spoke in ,hamlet1 of 8,the undiscover'd country1 from whose bourne ,no traveller returns10 necessarily had in his mind the 8,qui nunc it per iter tenebricosum ,illuc unde negant redire quemquam10 of ,catullus2 although the latter lines were quoted by ,seneca the philosopher1 and were as familiar as household words among the verse-loving ancients4 ,dr4 ,johnson's remark on the similarity between ,caliban's desire to sleep again1 and the of ,anacreon1 may apply to nearly all the passages in our national poet which appear to have been derived from the ancients4 ,if we judged them by any other rule than that the ideas presented themselves naturally to ,shakspeare's mind1 without consideration whether any one before him had sung to the self-same tune1 we might soon turn his1 and indeed any poet's works1 into a thing of shreds and patches4 ,for instance1 again1 when the young ,dane describes ,osric as 8spacious in the possession of dirt10 we might accuse the author1 yet wrongfully1 perhaps1 of having stolen the idea from the 8multa dives tellure0 of ,horace4 ,we might imagine that the 8,id in summa fortuna quius quod validius10 of ,tacitus1 gave birth to 8,that in the captain's but a choleric word1 ,which in the soldier is flat blasphemy10 of ,shakspeare1 who would have been very much surprised had he been told as much4 ,again1 ,corneille1 because he said1 8,qui commence bien ne fait rien s'il n'achve10 is not to be accused of having written a pendant to the assertion of ,flaccus-- 8,dimidium facti qui cpit habet40 ,neither has ,beaumarchais rifled ,otway1 because 8,dsirer du bien une femme est ce vouloir du mal son mari10 has a close resemblance to-- 8,i hope a man may wish his friend's wife well1 ,and no harm done40 ,if mere close resemblance establish a charge of plagiarism1 then ,chaucer1 when in speaking of maidens dark or fair he said-- 8,blake or white1 ,i toke no kepe10 stole the thought from the ancient ,irish bard1 who said-- 8,bohumilun a coolen dhuv no baun20 a line which ,chaucer could not have read1 though his own is a literal translation of it4 ,examples like these ,i might go on citing ad infinitum4 ,as ,rosalind says1 ,i could quote you so eight years together1 dinners1 and suppers1 and sleeping hours excepted4 ,but ,i will conclude with one more case in point between a well-known ,english author and the ,french dramatist ,molire4 ,thus writes the one-- 8,what woful stuff this madrigal would be1 ,in some starved1 hackney'd sonneteer1 or me6 ,but let a lord once own the happy lines1 ,how the wit brightens and the style refines60 ,and thus sung the other-- 8,tous les discours sont des sottises1 ,partout1 d'un homme sans clat4 ,ce seraient paroles exquises1 ,si c'tait un grand qui parla40 ,if this be digressing1 it is because after-supper conversation does take a discursive character4 ,in the last century1 in ,paris1 the majestic nonentities were invited to dinner2 the talkers1 be they who they might1 to supper4 8,la ,robe dne2 ,finance soupe10 was another of these distinctions2 and it was found that the supper was by far the most agreeable meal of the day4 ,the celebrated ,duchess of ,kingston was especially celebrated for her ,paris suppers4 ,they were infinitely more splendid than her ,english breakfasts1 so pleasantly sneered at by ,horace ,walpole4 ,the wits assembled round her in gay clusters1 and they and the poets cudgelled their brains to prove one another plagiarists2 while the peers stood by1 and marvelled at the extent and elasticity of the human understanding4 ,nothing could well surpass the hilarity and magnificence of these entertainments1 where the philosophers were voted as dull as the nobles1 and no aristocracy was acknowledged but the aristocracy of intellect4 ,another lady1 remarkable for the elegance of the little suppers over which she presided1 was ,madame ,tronchin3 but the ,reign of ,terror came on1 and her friends and relatives were daily dragged from her to the guillotine2 and ,madame ,tronchin1 who had a most feeling heart1 used to say1 that she never could have gone through such horrors had it not been for her little cup of caf la crme4 ,the courtiers used to joke in like fashion1 at the suppers of ,versailles1 at national disgrace4 ,when the ,count d',artois returned from the siege of ,gibraltar1 to which he had gone with much boasting1 and began to talk of his batteries1 the courtiers used to smile1 and to whisper to one another that he meant his 8batterie de cuisine40 ,with regard to the dietetics of supper1 it may be taken for granted that late1 heavy meals are dangerous1 and to be avoided4 ,chymification and sleep may go on tolerably well together after it2 but when the time comes for chylification and sanguification1 feverish wakefulness will accompany the process4 ,dyspeptic patients1 however1 are authorized to take a light supper before going to bed4 ,it is said that the idle man is the devil's man2 and it may also be said of the stomach1 that if it has nothing to do it will be doing mischief4 ,it is especially so with persons of weak digestion2 for whom an egg1 lightly boiled1 or dry toast and a little white-wine negus1 is a supper selon l'ordinance4 ,but a wise man will hardly want a guide in this matter4 ,breakfast may be the meal of friendship2 dinner1 of etiquette2 and supper1 the feast of wit2--but1 generally speaking1 he will show most wit who takes the least supper4 ,common sense should teach him the exact measure of his capacity4 ,a whale swallows at a gulp more shrimps than would be required to make sauce for the universe4 ,that gentle songster1 the canary1 is like the celebrated contralto songstress1 who eats daily half a peck of saffron salad2--the bird consumes nearly his own bulk weight of food4 ,but he is delicate compared with the caterpillar1 which consumes five hundred times its own weight before it lies down1 to rise a butterfly4 ,as for the hyna1 he is popularly said1 when hungry1 and other food not presenting itself1 to eat himself2 and probably1 like ,dr4 ,kitchener1 he carries his own sauce-box about with him6 ,but the stomach of man is not made to perform such feats as those accomplished by the whale1 the canary1 or the caterpillar4 ,he is especially to remember1 that though an animal1 he is not a beast4 ,man1 it must be remembered1 began with refinement4 ,he was made perfect1 upright1 and to him was given 8every herb bearing seed1 which is on the face of all the earth1 and every tree in which is the fruit of a tree1 yielding seed2 to you it shall be for meat40 ,here food is used as the symbol of celestial blessings2 as in the passage1 8,he should have fed them also with the finest of the wheat1 and with honey out of the rock should ,i have satisfied them40 ,with the fall1 civilization and innocence also fell1 and barbarism was the offspring of disobedience4 ,there was a time when men had sunk so low that they were like the ,troglodytes described by ,pomponius ,mela--8,troglodyt nullarum opum domini1 strident magis quam loquuntur1 specus subeunt1 alunturque serpentibus0--they had no property1 shrieked rather than spoke1 lived in caves1 and devoured serpents for food4 ,the fine wheat and the honey from the rock was not theirs4 ,the ,fenns1 painted by ,tacitus1 were only a shade less barbarous3 8,mira feritas10 says the graphic ,caius ,cornelius1 8fda paupertas2 non arma1 non equi1 non penates2 victui herba1 vestui pelles1 cubili humus0--wonderful for their wildness1 their poverty filthy2 they had neither horses1 nor gods2 the grass was their food1 skins their raiment1 and the ground their couch4 ,the ,helvetii were progressistas in the race for the prize of civilization2 and1 when planning an emigration project1 they took two years to thoroughly perfect the plan1 laying up stores of provisions the while4 ,whoever ,ceres may have really been1 it is clear that in her is to be recognised the benefactress of mankind3-- 8,prima ,ceres unco glebam dimovit aratro1 ,prima dedit fruges1 alimentaque mitia terris1 ,prima dedit leges20 she who taught them the uses of the plough1 of agriculture1 and of fixed laws1 and who gave them what ,god had intended for civilized and innocent man1 8the finest wheat10--she must have been the renovator of the earth1 and of beauty upon it4 ,man1 like the rudest saints of the desert--so near may savagery be to undisciplined sanctity--had been 8feeding on ashes but now the finest wheat was again there to give him strength and delight10--wheat1 where golden grain had1 perhaps1 first yielded its abundance beneath the shade of the primeval tree of knowledge4 ,the era of wheat1 of the ploughshare1 and of iron1 was the era of the second civilization4 ,man was no longer generally a wild savage1 or a cunning hunter4 ,god again vouchsafed to him 8the finest of the wheat20 and1 as civilization progressed1 so also was widened the circle of supply1 upon which indeed much of civilization depends4 ,the subject of 8,man and his ,food10 with regard to the future1 has been ably discussed by ,dr4 ,leonard ,withington1 of ,newbury1 ,massachusetts4 ,he has moved the question1 whether we have reached the terminus of all our stores or not8 ,he holds1 that the forest1 the field1 the river1 and the sea may yield contributions to our table1 in addition to the known abundance for which our as abundant gratitude is now due4 ,we have not reached the line of our last inventions2 and1 doubtless1 new articles are to be discovered1 which will have an equal influence on virtue and happiness4 8,boundless nature10 says ,dr4 ,withington1 8lies before us1 and undeveloped skill is wrapt up in the human breast4 ,the exuberance of our system is not exhausted1--her beasts1 her birds1 her fishes1 her plants1 her growing trees and her copious grasses1 her pastures1 her valleys1 her lofty mountains and her rolling streams1 are all spread out to the hungry world4 ,nature is an image of ,god1 and she echoes1 though she does not originate the words1 #8,in my ,father's house is bread enough1 and to spare4 ,thou visitest the earth1 and waterest it2 thou greatly enrichest it with the river of ,god1 which is full of water2 thou preparedst them corn when thou hadst so provided for it4 ,thou waterest the ridges thereof abundantly2 thou settlest the furrows thereof2 thou makest it soft with showers2 thou blessest the springing thereof4'0 ,dr4 ,cumming holds1 not only that death is the most unnatural of conditions1 but that when the era of heavenly1 everlasting life shall be established1 the heaven of man will be here upon earth4 ,so ,dr4 ,withington thinks that the earth will not only be made more heavenly beautiful than it now is1 before the period of the new paradise1 but more abundant also4 8,the manna10 he says1 8which is hereafter to be provided1 will not be rained down from heaven1 but will spring up from the earth40 ,and there is common sense in this last assertion1 for in it is implied that abundance will come by the proper application of knowledge and labour1 without which the earth1 ever wise and prudent1 will yield but little4 ,the increasing populations of that earth have two objects before them which are of no small importance1 and which are thus defined by ,dr4 ,withington3--8,one is1 to impart from the open field of nature all those good and wholesome things which our ,father has laid up for us2 and secondly1 to train our taste and habits for the using of those things which are nutritive and sweet1 and which may have the best influence on our moral character and social happiness40 ,the training should begin from early childhood1--and early childhood requires delicate training4 ,an ,american writer on dietetics is half afraid that people will smile if he1 in connexion with the subject1 introduces dainty children2 and yet1 as he justly remarks1 8there is a mystery about this subject1 on which we may well bestow a passing thought40 ,there are children in all the various classes of life who are 8very difficult about their food40 8,these little connoisseurs10 says ,dr4 ,withington1 8cannot eat with the rest of the family1 and the mother and the son are often at issue in an interminable controversy4 ,the mother often says it is all whim and caprice2 and some severe matrons tell their children that they shall not eat a morsel until the given lump is devoured4 ,but the son would say1 if he could quote ,shakspeare1 #8,you cram these things into mine ear against the stomach of my sense4 ,i know ,i don't love it4 ,i can't eat it2 it is not fit to be eaten4'0 ,the doctor proceeds to inquire if this turn of the appetite be a matter of caprice or necessity4 ,he examines whether the mother1 or the boy be right4 ,he acknowledges the antiquity of a controversy which has been carried on for ages1 and he has no doubt 8that ,eve had it with ,cain and ,abel1 the first supper she gave them after they were weaned4 ,we offer it10 he adds1 8as a profound conjecture1 that ,cain was a dainty boy1 and probably doubled up his fist at his mother40 ,with regard to the controversy itself1 he appears to think that it has much of the quality of that which marked the dispute about the colour of the chameleon1 and that 8both parties are partly wrong40 ,it is likely1 as he remarks1 that much depends on the training and volition1 and also on original nature and temperament4 8,there are some things we were never made for1 and they were never made for us4 ,there are some kinds of food which1 though they may suit the race1 were never made for the individual4 ,but this blinded appetite1 partly natural1 partly artificial1 follows through life40 ,and this is leaving the controversy very much where the worthy doctor found it4 ,finally1 let them who fancy that man was made merely to enjoy1 learn truth from contemplating the portrait of one whose sole philosophy was gastronomic enjoyment4 ,if ever there was a man who had a gay celebrity1 and who taught in the porch1 that life was only life at the tables in the 8salon10 it was the editor of the 8,almanack des ,gourmands40 ,he taught not that bibere est vivere1 but that bibere was only the half of vivere1 and that to live was emphatically to eat and drink4 ,he was a practical philosopher1 it should be observed1 and here is the portrait of the man1 at the end of his philosophical practice3--8,the author of the ,almanack is still in the land of the living4 ,he eats1 digests1 and sleeps1 in the charming valley of ,longpons4444 ,but how is he changed6 ,at eight o'clock1 he rings for his servants1 scolds them1 cries ,extravagantes6 calls for his soupe aux ficules1 and swallows it4 ,digestion now commences3 the labour of the stomach reacts upon the brain1 the gloomy ideas of the fasting man disappear1 calmness resumes her sway1 he no longer wishes to die4 ,he speaks1 converses tranquilly1 asks for ,paris news2 and inquires for the old gourmands still living4 ,when digestion is finished1 he becomes silent1 and sleeps for some hours4 ,on awaking1 complaints recommence2 he weeps1 he sighs1 he becomes angry1 he wishes to die1 he calls eagerly for death4 ,the hour for dinner comes2 he sits himself down to table1 dinner is served1 he eats abundantly of every dish1 although he says he has no want of anything1 as his last hour is approaching4 ,at dessert1 his face becomes animated2 his eyes1 sunk in their orbits1 sparkle brightly4 #8,how is ,marquis de ,coussy1 dear doctor8' he exclaims3 #8how long will he last8 ,they say he has a terrible disease4 ,doubtless they have not put him on regimen4 ,you would never have suffered that1 for one must eat to live1--ah6' ,at length1 he rises from table4 ,behold him in an immense arm-chair4 ,he crosses his legs1 supports his stumps upon his knees 7for he has no hands1 but something resembling the flap of a goose71 and continues his conversation1 which always runs on eating4 #8,the rains have been abundant1' he cries1 #8we shall have plenty of mushrooms this autumn4 ,what a pity1 dear doctor1 that ,i cannot accompany you in your walks to ,st4 ,genevive6 ,how fine our vines are6 what a delicious perfume6' ,and then he falls asleep1 and dreams of what he will eat on the following day60 ,fancy1 if the theory of guardian angels be a beautiful truth1 what the winged watcher of this animal1 staggering over the supper of life1 must feel at contemplating the ward committed to his care4 ,for our own profit such examples may be employed1 as the ancients showed their slaves drunk in presence of their sons1 that the latter might be disgusted with inebriety4 ,and this tail-piece should be engraved at the end of every work professing to teach that there is even in this world1 a paradise for gourmands4 ,the old heathen ,socrates knew better1 when he said1 8,beware of such food as persuades a man1 though he be not hungry1 to eat2 and those liquors that will prevail with a man to drink them when he is not thirsty40 ,in the same spirit1 the pious ,dodsley taught1 that health sat on the brow of him only who had temperance for a companion--temperance1 which ,sir ,william ,temple styled as 8that virtue without pride and fortune without envy1 which gives health of body and tranquillity of mind1 the best guardian of youth1 and support of old age40 ,so ,jeremy ,collier says1 8,temperance keeps the senses clear and unembarrassed1 and makes them seize the object with more keenness and satisfaction4 ,it appears with life in the face1 and decorum in the person2 it gives you the command of your head1 secures your health1 and preserves you in a condition for business40 ,what comment can ,i add to texts of such philosophy1 but to bid wise men welcome to the feast of reason1 where 8,may good digestion wait on appetite1 ,and health on both60 ,,the ,,end4 ,r4 ,,clay1 ,,printer1 ,,bread ,,street ,,hill4 ,,footnotes3 #a ,henry ,holden ,frankum1 ,esq4 #b 8',twixt the gloaming and the murk1 ,when the kye comes hame40--,,hogg4 #c 4 ,iliad1 iii4 #dad4 #d ,after 8,cupiditate et ,amore10 ,livy ungallantly adds1 8qu maxime ad muliebre ingenium efficaces preces sunt40 #e ,lady ,morgan1 ,i think1 calls dancing1 8the ,poetry of ,motion40 #f 8,qu'est-ce que la danse8 le sourire des jambes4 ,qu'est-ce que le sourire8 la danse du visage40--,bibliophile ,jacob4 #g ,the theatre at ,boulogne stands on the site of the old convent garden belonging to the ,cordeliers1 the sea formerly flowed close to the spot4 ,when ,henry ,,viii4 took ,boulogne1 he converted the convent into a marine arsenal4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected4 ,variations in hyphenation and accents have been standardised but all other spelling and punctuation remains unchanged4 ,italics are represented thus italic4