,,an ,,index ,,finger4 ,,an ,,index ,,finger ,,by ,,tulis ,,abrojal 8,all the ,sutras are but fingers that point out the shining moon40 8,man1 thou livest forever40 ,has any one supposed it is lucky to be born8 ,i hasten to inform him1 or her1 it is just as lucky to die1 and ,i know it4 ,this day before dawn ,i ascended a hill and look'd at the crowded heaven4 ,and ,i said to my spirit3 ,when we become the unfolders of those orbs1 and the pleasure and knowledge of everything in them1 shall we be filled and satisfied then8 ,and my spirit said3 ,no1 we but level that lift to pass and continue beyond4 --,,walt ,,whitman4 ,illustration ,r4 ,f4 ,,fenno ,,company1 #i and #aa ,,east ,,sixteenth ,,street3 ,,new ,,york ,,city #ahih ,copyright1 #ahig ,,by ,,tulis ,,abrojal4 ,an ,index ,finger4 ,,dedication4 ,to those who faithfully follow their ideals1 ever doing the work they love to do1 always giving to the world the best that is in them--the truth as they see it--though in the face of difficulties1 disasters and defeat2 enduring persecution1 poverty and want1 meeting the dread spectre of starvation1 suffering death itself if need be1 yet counting all not too great a price to pay for the freedom of their souls1 this book is sympathetically dedicated4 ,,contents4 ,,chap4 ,,page ,,preface #g ,i4 ,,the ,,child ,,and ,,her ,,own ,,people #ac ,,ii4 ,,where ,,the ,,road ,,divides #dj ,,iii4 ,,confidences ,,and ,,questions #ef ,,iv4 ,,her ,,story ,,and ,,fate #gd ,v4 ,,the ,,end ,,of ,,the ,,dream #ib ,,vi4 ,,the ,,butterfly #aaj ,,vii4 ,,opportunity #aca ,,viii4 ,,death',s ,,narrow ,,sea #adh ,,ix4 ,,things ,,not ,,dreamed ,,of ,,in ,,everyday ,,philosophy #aef ,x4 8,,ye ,,shall ,,not ,,understand0 #afh ,,xi4 ,a ,,little ,,board ,,bridges ,,the ,,great ,,gulf #agi ,,xii4 ,,and ,,the ,,prophet ,,was ,,stoned #bjb ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,tongues ,,of ,,angels #bah ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,simple ,,way #bdj ,,xv4 ,,it ,,is ,,well ,,with ,,the ,,child #bdh ,,xvi4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,one ,,returned ,,from ,,the ,,dead #bed ,,xvii4 ,,uprooting ,a ,,human ,,tree #bgg ,,xviii4 ,,bohemia',s ,,highways ,,and ,,byways #bic ,,xix4 ,,the ,,joys #caj ,,xx4 ,,people ,,of ,,the ,,past #cag ,,xxi4 ,,the ,,butterfly',s ,,flight #cca ,,xxii4 ,,the ,,prop ,,that ,,failed #cdj ,,xxiii4 ,,the ,,book ,,and ,,its ,,critics #cec ,,xxiv4 ,,who ,,are ,,they8 #ceh ,,xxv4 ,,last ,,words #cgi ,,preface4 ,the good old custom of the author telling his readers in a preface why he wrote his book1 happily has not yet gone out of date4 ,though no particular friend to guide-board literature in general1 ,i confess to a weakness for the preface4 ,it has its helpful uses4 ,there the author can talk directly to his readers1 without filtering his thoughts through the brains of his characters2 and in consequence the readers come into closer sympathy with him and understand him better4 ,in not a few cases ,i have wished books were all preface4 ,i hope others may not wish so in this case4 ,in the preface we meet the author face to face1 as it were1 and he becomes ours or we become his at once4 ,it is a little confidential glimpse into his soul1 which he kindly gives us before we enter it by means of the book4 ,yes1 ,i am decidedly in favor of the preface1 both as reader and author4 ,a time-honored method of prefatory writing1 made the author assume a modesty that was self-depreciatory in the extreme4 ,more often than not he warned readers off by throwing out hints disparaging his own ability4 ,to such few readers as he thought might follow him through the book in spite of his assurance that it would be unprofitable to do so1 he apologized with the utmost humility for the waste of their time and drain upon their patience for which he was about to be responsible4 ,i shall do no such thing4 ,on the contrary1 ,i believe that he who reads this book will not find his time ill spent4 ,its theme is the most important that can engage the human race4 ,it is my answer to the mightiest question ever propounded4 ,my answer4 ,its value extends that far and no farther4 8,it is only insight into the ground of being that secures satisfaction and thorough knowledge40 ,my light may be only a rush-light2 but such as it is ,i obey the behest to let it shine4 ,says one of the greatest of modern philosophers3 8,if anything in the world is worth wishing for--so well worth wishing for that even the ignorant and dull herd in its more reflective moments would prize it more than silver or gold--it is that a ray of light should fall on the obscurity of our being1 and that we should gain some explanation of our mysterious existence1 in which nothing is clear but its misery and its vanity40 ,to each of us things are what they appear from each particular point of view4 ,our idea is our limitation4 ,he who writes a book presents to other minds a picture of life as it appears to him1 from whatever point of view he has chosen4 ,his work portrays both that which he sees outside himself and that which is within4 ,it is a combination of himself and the world as he sees it1 for of subject and object are all things made4 ,when we read a tale it is the author we learn to know1 rather than his people2 but we know him through his people4 ,they are the dwellers within his mind1 and we cannot know them without entering that realm and knowing it1 be it enchanted or disenchanting4 ,sight and insight make up all literature4 ,every book is a combination of the author and what he looks upon and studies objectively as well as subjectively4 ,it is truth as he sees it4 ,i have read many interesting works of fiction2 but for the most part ,i laid them down dissatisfied4 ,they lacked something for which ,i was always searching4 ,they gave no answer to the questions that early began to trouble me--questions that nobody could answer and few cared to be bothered with4 ,often they were very attractive pictures of that which the world is to so many--a fool's paradise4 ,they dealt with the emotions of those whose lives they portrayed1 and they appealed to the emotions of those who read them2 and all had ever the one1 one theme--the pursuit of happiness4 ,and all pursuers saw the alluring phantom in the same shape1 and gave chase to it by the same road4 ,sometimes they captured it1 and then--the book ended4 ,there was nothing else for the author to do when he reached that point1 but to let the curtain drop and turn out the lights1 lest his audience see that the happiness so hotly pursued was not the true thing after all2 but only an appearance1 an illusion1 a disappointment1 as veritable a phantom as ever--which left the one in possession of it no better off than he was before he captured it4 ,now the form of this phantom1 was the love of the man and the woman for each other1 and the possession of each by the other4 ,romances have been mostly amplified sex chases4 ,they wrought upon the reader's emotions through many harrowing chapters1 the end thereof being that a certain man married the particular woman he was pursuing4 ,an old man whom ,i knew in my youth said he only read the first and last chapters of a novel4 ,in the one he became acquainted with the hero and heroine2 in the other he found out 8whether he got her or not40 ,by so doing he escaped much emotional wear and tear to which less discriminating readers subjected themselves4 ,as we all know1 sometimes 8he didn't get her40 ,what then8 ,well1 perhaps she died or he died1 and that ended the story4 ,everybody accepted that event as final and incontestable4 ,that was the end1 and nobody ventured to ask what lay behind it4 ,it was the end of the successful as well as of the disappointed--the end of everybody in the world1 yet nobody sought its meaning4 ,in this respect the people outside of books were precisely like the people in books4 ,they had the same ideal of happiness1 chased it through the same difficulties and disasters1 and would not admit that it was a phantom2 would not see that ,death stalked behind every joy1 sat at every feast1 touched elbows right and left with the victorious as well as with the defeated1 and waited for everybody under the sun4 ,they knew it1 of course1 but they did not want to think about it or talk about it4 ,and what was this spectre to which all closed their eyes because of terror8 ,death was death4 ,that was all they knew4 ,it was the terrible and final thing that could happen4 ,more2 it was sure to happen2 but it must be put off as long as possible and ignored in the meantime4 ,to me it ever was incomprehensible that so dreadful an issue was so hopelessly accepted and so little inquired into4 ,i pondered much on this strange problem4 ,the dream haunted my mind that somewhere there was a solution4 ,i sought it everywhere from men and books2 but long without success4 ,at last a ray of light fell upon my path4 ,faithfully following it through years of earnest inquiry ,i learned that ,death is not death4 ,with that knowledge happiness took a new form and beckoned to me over a new road4 ,because of the new ideals it placed before me ,i wrote this book4 ,its people are my people2 its gospel my gospel4 ,from the truth as ,i was led to see it ,i found a reason for my own being as well as for that of the book1 and ,i have tried to give it to the reader as simply as it came to me4 ,the psychical phenomena described are not exaggerated4 ,most of it came within my own experience1 and would be accessible to any one who devoted to the study as much patience1 time and effort as ,i did4 ,there will be those who will give to the book only the sneer of conceited ignorance4 ,for such ,i have no message4 ,with them1 the first condition of all learning--receptively--is lacking4 ,i make no argument4 ,i try to convince no one4 ,i simply tell a story4 ,it will bear its own message to those ready to receive it4 ,none else can understand4 ,god ,himself cannot give us what we will not receive4 ,the book is but a finger that aims to point out to others a moon that made glorious light for me4 ,and if you will patiently look in the direction it points1 you1 too1 will see the shining moon4 ,,the ,,author4 ,,part ,i4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,child ,,and ,,her ,,own ,,people4 ,there are some of us who in after years say to ,fate1 8,now deal us your hardest blow2 give us what you will2 but let us never again suffer as we suffered when we were children40 ,the barb in the arrow of childhood's suffering is this2 its intense loneliness1 its intense ignorance4 --,olive ,schreiner4 ,under a great tree a child was singing softly to herself3 ,beautiful1 dear1 and noble old tree ,bend your green branches caressing o'er me4 ,for oh6 a day's coming1 and soon will be here1 ,when ,i shall be far from your presence and cheer2 ,and my heart will be lonely without your embrace1 ,and you--you will long for a sight of my face4 ,your branches bend low to the ground1 ,bend low and caressingly1 ,and they sway with a murmurous sound-- ,a language of nature profound-- ,sway softly and caressingly1 ,as they bend1 with a sigh1 to the ground4 ,they chant the grand chorus of ages1 ,in musical monotone2 ,and open the past's mystic pages-- ,the wonderful1 solemn1 sealed pages-- ,so vaguely and dimly known4 ,they sing me the song of the ages4 ,when ,i listen with spirit and soul ,to each swaying1 whisp'ring bough1 ,the silent centuries backward roll ,and open before me like a scroll4 ,and ,i view the 8,then as ,now0-- ,when ,i listen with spirit and soul4 ,she was lying on the grass1 with her face toward the sky1 which she could only see in spots through the tree's thick branches1 which hung low and swayed in the slightest breeze1 with a motion that was very like a caress to one beneath them4 ,a house stood near1 but the tree completely hid it on one side4 ,one coming from the south saw only a beautiful grassy hill surmounted by a great green umbrella4 ,under this friendly shelter the woman-child lay1 singing her own words to her own tunes4 ,oblivious to outward sounds1 she heard no footsteps until the branches parted and a stranger entered her temple4 ,at this a dog that had been enjoying the profoundest of slumber near her1 sprang to his feet with a great show of vigilance1 making up for his tardiness by the most energetic barking4 8,be quiet1 ,bliss10 said the child1 rising to a sitting posture and looking steadily at the stranger1 with the utmost composure4 ,the dog at once became silent1 but he went close to her and posed as on the defensive4 8,i beg pardon10 said the intruder1 politely raising his hat1 8,i saw no one1 and thought to rest a bit in the shade1 and get a cool drink of water1 too40 8,the well is on the other side of the house10 she said1 making a motion in that direction with a thin1 nervous1 unchildlike hand4 ,her words and manner expressed the utmost indifference--yet there was a gleam of interest in her big1 clear eyes4 ,the stranger moved on1 murmuring thanks4 ,she looked after him with a sudden yearning in her heart for his return4 ,he was not of her world1 that was sure2 and yet somehow it was quite clear to her that he was of her world--the world of her dreams1 where she longed to be1 fancied she had been1 and from whence she had somehow sadly strayed4 ,yes1 in that instant of contact she understood that in spite of all apparent difference their worlds were the same4 ,in another moment he returned4 ,gracefully begging permission1 he seated himself on the grass and leaned against the tree4 ,his manner captivated her4 ,it was respectful and deferential as to a woman grown4 ,it enchanted her1 for she was one of those misunderstood children who have thoughts and feelings far beyond their years and suffer great humiliation when treated patronizingly4 8,you are not at all afraid of me although ,i came unannounced and unintroduced1 are you80 he asked1 half laughing4 8,afraid8 ,why should ,i be8 ,i am in my own door-yard4 ,besides1 you don't look like a wild beast1 and if you were one1 here is ,bliss to take care of me40 8,thank you4 ,it's a comfort to know you have no doubt that ,i am human4 ,but what is this80 he asked1 as a piece of cardboard blew toward him4 8,ah6 a drawing4 ,may ,i look at it80 ,she nodded her consent4 ,it was a pencil drawing of a woman's head1 and interested him at first glance1 because1 imperfect though it was1 it had that which makes art great when it is so--the human quality1 the power to express its creator1 the aim and object of all art4 ,this penciled face gave an insight into the artist's mind1 showing that which she had tried to express and yet had not made clear4 ,it showed the height to which she rose in fancy1 and the long and rugged road between present performance and the perfection of which she dreamed4 ,all this the stranger saw1 because we see what is within ourselves4 ,it takes genius to recognize genius4 ,he had traveled the road on which she was taking her first feeble steps4 8,is it your work80 he asked4 8,yes10 she nodded1 coloring faintly4 ,it was plain that she expected no praise1 yet longed for a helping word4 8,is it a copy80 he asked1 for there was about it1 although but half expressed1 that which he thought must have been suggested by something from a master hand4 8,no40 8,then who is it80 ,there was unaffected interest in his voice4 8,one of my people10 she answered4 8,does she live here80 8,she is here sometimes1 not always40 8,well1 she must be a beautiful woman--even more beautiful than you depict her40 8,you understand10 said the child4 8,i cannot put her on paper as ,i see her4 ,i know but little of drawing1 but ,i am always trying to draw faces--the faces of my own people--and trees1 for they are my own people too2 but ,i am never satisfied with my work4 ,they do not get on the paper as they are in my mind40 8,why not have some instruction80 ,she shrugged her shoulders4 ,the stranger understood1 but in order not to seem to1 he began to pick up some scattered leaves of paper near him4 ,seeing that they contained writing he was about to lay them down with an apology when the child said3 8,it is a letter ,i have written to ,helen1 the woman whose picture you have just been looking at4 ,you may read it1 only not aloud4 ,i couldn't stand that40 8,but why should ,i read it at all80 he said4 8,it would be impertinent on my part4 ,besides1 ,i am not afflicted with the despicable vice of curiosity40 8,if you don't mind1 ,i wish you would read it10 she said4 8,it may help me4 ,you will understand when you have finished40 ,but she looked ill at ease1 nevertheless4 ,the stranger read3 ,,my ,,dearly ,,beloved ,,helen3--,since you went away ,i am very lonely indeed4 ,none other is so near and dear to me as you4 ,i fill the hours with thoughts of you--thoughts so intense and absorbing that at times ,i actually see you by my side4 ,but1 alas6 you do not stay when you come like that4 ,you fade out of my sight2 you go back to your world and ,i cannot follow you only with my thoughts1 my dreams1 my love and my letters4 ,but ,i shall go and find you some day4 ,i shall be one of the people of your world1 and shall be busy with work which shall fill my time1 my brain and my heart4 ,i shall meet all my people there--my very own people1 and shall love them and work with them and know loneliness no more4 ,i have a story to tell you1 ,dear ,heart4 ,it is this3 ,in a world nameless to all mankind1 lived a woman1 sweet and fair4 ,it was a beautiful world4 ,there the men were all true and the women all faithful4 ,misery was unknown and none sought happiness1 for all possessed it4 ,but this one woman dreamed dreams and saw visions4 ,she heard voices calling to her from another world--a world whose people sought continually and vainly to attain a condition they knew only in name1 and which they called ,happiness4 ,all believed in the existence of this condition and gave chase to it1 each in his own way1 but none found it4 ,often hearing the voices of these unhappy people and seeing them in visions1 this woman longed to go and help them4 ,the longing disturbed the harmony of life in all her world1 until it was decreed that she must leave it and go to that other whose vibrations of anguish had shaken the spheres4 ,but they did not tell her of her destiny4 8,she will know when she is there10 they said4 ,so she slept1 and the sleep was long in the eyes of the children of ,time4 ,when she awoke1 memory was gone1 and everything had to be learned over again4 ,at first her consciousness was very dim1 and her strength feeble1 and having slept so long she could scarcely keep awake at all4 ,but after a time a faint memory of the past came to her1 and she saw that all was different from that other time1 which now seemed like a dream4 ,this was not the same world1 nor were these the same people she had known1 for she was in the sad world she had seen in visions1 whose people so persistently and often frantically sought ,happiness and never found it--and that sad world was this in which we live4 ,she was changed in appearance1 too1 for when she looked in a mirror she saw a face that was new to her and a tiny figure4 ,she was like a child1 and everybody called her a child1 though to herself she seemed not to be a child1 because part of her memory had come back1 and it was the memory of a woman4 ,it was very hard to feel like a full-grown person in mind and be treated like a creature with almost no mind at all4 ,one of the most painful things she saw was that sometimes the most ignorant and unfeeling were in positions of power over sensitive children4 ,she suffered much from the very beginning of consciousness4 ,to go back to the world she could so dimly remember was her one dream4 ,but when she spoke of it those about her laughed and said she had never been in any other world1 because there was no other4 ,once in a dream she went back1 or perhaps it was that some of her old friends came to her4 ,they told her to be patient2 that she had been sent to help the unhappy ones who had so often called to her2 that scattered all over the planet in which she dwelt now were others like herself1 who had come for the same purpose2 that she would meet them from time to time and that would pay her for much of her pain4 ,they said1 too1 that she had a particular work to do here and could not leave until it was done1 but she must find out what it was herself2 that the road would often seem very hard and very long1 but it had an end1 and if she did her work well-- ,there the dream ended2 but it comforted her1 all unfinished as it was4 ,by and by her childhood was gone4 ,she was a woman1 and went forth to find her work1 earnest1 enthusiastic and eager1 and they said she had precious gifts4 8,i will paint pictures10 she said1 8for always in my mind are noble faces and figures1 like the gods when they walked among men1 and these shall show mankind how glorious it can itself become40 ,beautiful creations1 perfect shapes of beauty came forth from her hand1 but the world1 for the most part1 passed them by4 ,it said1 8,we see nothing in these10 and it spoke the truth1 for that in them could only be seen by those like unto them4 ,a few1 however1 stood before them filled with delight4 ,they were people of the planet from which the artist came1 and they recognized their kindred in the faces and forms she had depicted2 but she herself was never satisfied with what she had done4 ,within her mind1 faces more glorious1 and forms more perfect struggled for expression4 8,i have a tale to tell10 she said1 8that many will be glad to hear1 for it contains help for all40 ,but again the world did not understand4 ,it said1 8,the people of this book are impossible people1 and what is the author trying to say8 ,we see nothing in it40 ,a few only understood2 but these were of her planet4 8,now10 she said1 8,i will write again1 and this time the world will read and be charmed4 ,i will give it what it wants1 not what ,i want to give it40 ,she spoke truly4 ,she wrote and many were pleased2 but the people of her planet closed her book with pain in their faces1 and she herself found no joy in it4 ,to her conscience she made this excuse3 8,i want bread and the easy1 comfortable things of life1 and the world wants foolishness1 so we exchange products4 ,some day ,i will write that which pleases myself4 ,then ,i shall make no concessions1 no bids for favor4 ,i shall say what ,i feel and think40 ,time went on1 and the world became interested in new names1 and almost forgot hers4 ,days of discouragement and distress arrived4 ,the ease which she had bought by pleasing the commonplace1 vanished1 and loneliness1 ill-health and poverty came in its stead4 ,weary and sick unto death in spirit and body1 she longed to end it all1 and so longing fell asleep1 and sleeping dreamed4 ,she saw again the faces of those from her other world who had come to comfort her when a child4 ,one1 the most beautiful of all1 and yet just now the saddest1 seemed nearer and dearer than the others4 ,it was a glorious face1 radiant with strength and sweetness1 a type of perfect womanhood4 ,all her life it had visited her in dreams and haunted her imagination4 ,sometimes the name that belonged to it hovered on her lips1 yet was never spoken1 for it always vanished before it took shape in her mind4 8,did you find your work80 they asked4 8,i tried hard1 dear friends10 she said4 8,i have not been idle40 ,but their faces showed no joy4 8,have ,i not done my work well80 she questioned1 beginning to be afraid4 8,have you given your best80 they asked4 ,a flush of shame covered her face4 8,no2 the world did not want it40 ,they were silent1 and there was that in their eyes which made her more and more ashamed4 8,i needed bread10 she said1 anxious to make excuse4 8,is bread all that is worth striving for1 that you paid for it so high a price80 they asked4 ,she was silent4 8,did you come to please or help the people of this world80 they asked4 8,you told me long ago that ,i came to help10 she answered1 8but they made it very hard4 ,when ,i wrote that which burned within my soul they cared not to hear it1 but wanted something that entertained and diverted them from what they call the cares of life2 and ,i--well1 ,i was often hungry--so ,i gave them what they wanted40 8,and did they reward you80 8,you see ,i have nothing10 she answered4 8,for a time ,i had some of the possessions all value so much2 but they are gone40 8,you tried to tell these people what you thought and felt1 but they would not listen1 you say2 so you told them little foolish tales1 like those that please children1 but instruct not1 help not1 and thus you passed your life neglecting to unfold your own soul by expressing it truly4 ,only the weak and feeble of will1 or the indolent and indifferent1 turn back at the first obstacle4 ,where was your faith80 8,i sold it1 as you see1 for a pitiful price10 she answered1 weeping4 8,and were you satisfied80 8,never4 ,my conscience always lashed me4 ,i have been punished already4 ,give me no further penance40 8,it is not ours to punish or pardon1 nor in all the universe is there either punishment or pardon4 ,there is only unchangeable1 ever-active law4 ,had you done your work well0-- 8,what is it to do one's work well80 she interrupted4 ,and now the woman of the glorious face came near and answered3 8,it is to give the highest and best that is in you1 without caring whether it will please or offend2 to express truth1 as you see it1 though the world be against you2 to pay whatever price is asked1 though it be starvation and disgrace for the freedom of your soul1 for the soul is only free when it faithfully follows its ,,ideal40 8,then ,i know ,i have not done my work well10 said the woman1 sadly4 8,i seldom gave my best4 ,i had not the courage4 ,i was afraid the price ,i would have to pay would be too high4 ,but what is the fate of those who do not do their work well80 ,the faces of the company were full of pity1 as they answered1 8,they must do it over again40 ,then the woman wept aloud4 8,but not just yet10 they said4 8,you are very tired2 your strength is gone4 ,you shall rest for a time40 ,then one touched her eyes gently1 and they closed to the light of this world6 ,helen1 dearest1 ,i dreamed that story1 and ,i was the woman who did not do her best4 ,it always seems to me that ,i lived long ago somewhere--many lives perhaps4 ,at times ,i can almost remember scenes and people of that far-off time4 ,it may be that it was right here in this world1 and that ,i have been sent back to do what ,i left undone4 ,or it may be that here in this life ,i shall not do what ,i ought to do1 and must come again4 ,ever with me is the thought that there is some particular thing for me to do and that ,i must make haste to find it and do it1 because the time is short4 ,part of my work is to find my people--thy own people whom ,i knew in that far-away life1 you are one of them1 and-- ,the stranger laid the unfinished letter down and looked curiously at the author4 ,he had not observed her closely until then4 ,he saw in her face that which is higher than beauty1 but is only seen and understood by its spiritual kindred4 ,the mouth1 that unmistakable key to character1 because it is the door through which the soul expresses itself1 was perfect in shape and exquisitely sensitive1 though the other features had a dash of boyish ruggedness in them4 ,but the eyes1 the dark grey eyes1 mottled with tawn1 had in them a look1 indefinable1 yearning1 appealing1--a look that might have ages of suffering behind it--and perhaps before it--that went to the stranger's heart like a knife1 and filled his eyes with a mist4 ,in after years more than one strong spirit lost its strength and wept it knew not why1 before that flash-light of a soul4 ,in the same moment the stranger saw another thing4 ,it was that the child was entirely without self-consciousness and the consequent coquetry which so often spoils the manners of even very little women4 ,she was not thinking how she appeared in his eyes4 ,he could see that4 ,it was nothing to her that her feet were naked1 her hair twisted and her clothing crumpled4 ,it was plain that these unconventional facts did not even present themselves to her mind4 ,her shoes and stockings and big straw hat lay near her on the grass1 and she gave no sign of embarrassment because she was not arrayed in them4 ,she met him on the ground of mind to mind4 ,in her shining1 yearning eyes was an eager interest4 8,a free1 original1 aspiring spirit10 he mused4 8,life will be a rough pilgrimage for her4 ,she will find it hard to shape herself to iron-clad standards4 ,the vast army of the commonplace1 unable to understand her1 will claw at her like birds of prey4 ,it is a pity that she must be bruised and beaten into the usual shape1 as she surely will be4 ,but the world is a relentless potter1 with inflexible ideas of how its human jugs and vases are to be modeled2 and it shapes us all1 in a measure1 in spite of ourselves40 8,if the question isn't impertinent1 how old are you80 he asked1 with a cadence of melancholy in his voice4 8,eleven2 but ,i feel very old sometimes4 ,old1 old1 old60 8,yet you are not old enough to be writing of loneliness10 he said4 8,ah2 you think so8 ,can you imagine the loneliness of a child who is not altogether a child and yet not a woman80 8,where are your dolls80 he asked1 hoping to divert her mind from subjects too serious4 ,her handsome mouth curved into a sneer4 8,dolls80 she echoed4 8,dolls8 ,poor1 miserable little images made by stupid people to deceive those they believe to be stupider4 ,well1 ,i have several4 ,they were given to me by foolish friends who meant to be kind2 but they live in boxes upstairs4 ,i never get any good from them1 wretched imitations of people that they are1 with expressionless faces and stuffed bodies4 ,i prefer my own people40 8,the lady of the picture and letter is one of them1 you said4 ,but of course they are not all grown up like her40 8,yes1 they are1 for ,i like grown-up people best4 ,i don't like those of my own age4 ,at least ,i have seen but few whom ,i liked4 ,the reason ,i am so fond of my own people1 is because ,i make them myself1 and so1 of course1 ,i make them to suit me4 ,they are charming1 and very fond of me4 ,you would call them unreal2 but to me they are more real than the flesh and blood people hereabouts1 and much more agreeable40 8,ah6 ,i understand now10 said the stranger4 8,they are your own people in the sense of being congenial1 companionable1 of your own way of thinking4 ,you have gone direct to a great truth1 little friend4 ,our own people are those with whom we are in intellectual sympathy1 no matter where we find them40 8,but your other people10 he went on1 after a short pause1 motioning with his hand toward the house1 8your family1--you love them1 too80 8,no2 we don't love each other10 she answered1 frankly2 8we seem not to fit well together--not to be thinking the same thoughts4 ,the most of me is completely shut away from them4 ,i cannot talk to them as ,i am talking to you4 ,they would laugh at me2 they would ridicule me1 and that enrages as well as hurts me4 ,and they are going away one by one1 interested in their own lives and knowing nothing of my dreams and longings4 ,two of my sisters married recently and have gone far away1 and last week my oldest brother left4 ,i watched him out of sight as he went down the road1 with my heart almost bursting4 ,so it was when the others went4 ,everything was desolate without them1 and they will never be back here again in the old way4 ,not that the old way was so good1 for it wasn't1 but ,i could not bear to see the end4 ,i suffer if only an animal dies or is taken away4 ,and ,i always wanted to love them2 but they did not understand40 ,the stranger's eyes grew pitiful1 not so much for what she had suffered as for what she was destined to suffer4 ,he saw her as she was1 and as no other had seen her1 none having the power to understand1--a sensitive1 affectionate1 aspiring soul1 held for a time in a place alien to her spirit1 among people most truly not her own4 8,another10 he said1 mentally1 8destined to travel the rough road that leads to the heights4 ,another with a dash of the weightiest gift of the gods4 ,i did not think to find one of the climbers of ,olympus here4 ,yet where none dreams to find them there they are4 ,poor little soul touched with the wand of genius1 already living in a world of her own creation1 because the other world is ungenial and intolerable1 and longing for sympathy1 which is recognition1 appreciation1 and encourages expression1 which is life itself4 ,the old1 old spirit in the new body1 not comprehended1 often wounded1 yet striving1 striving1 always striving against hard conditions to tell what it feels4 8,but you have some friends of your own age among the real people--those we call real--have you not80 8,yes2 and ,i play with them sometimes in their way2 but in a little while ,i am tired of them1 and am generally glad when they are gone1 so that ,i can be with the friends ,i have been telling you about4 ,but ,i have one comrade of my own age whom ,i love4 ,she talks very little2 but she understands4 ,we often spend whole days together away from everybody4 ,she doesn't fit into her family much better than ,i do in mine1 but she is happier1 because her family are kinder than mine4 ,they love each other better40 ,the stranger was struck with the simple and forceful analysis of the difference between the two families4 8,when people love each other they are kinder1 as a matter of course10 he said1 feeling that he was guilty of the stupidest of platitudes1 but anxious to keep the young philosopher talking4 8,but your family love you1 surely80 8,no10 she said1 decisively1 the mottled eyes showing a flash of pain so intense that he turned away4 8,what makes you think so80 8,they find fault with me all the time4 ,it is a terrible thing to be blamed always and never praised4 ,when ,i am grown1 should ,i have power1 should ,i be able to get others to listen to me1 ,i shall tell them that if they want to make people better they must praise them4 ,fault-finding helps nobody4 ,i am sure of that4 ,it is the worst possible thing for me1 for it fills my heart with rage and a sense of injustice1 and of course it has the same effect on everybody else4 ,i can see plainly enough what would make an angel of me1 and angels of all others1 too4 ,love and praise are what is needed4 ,what couldn't ,i be and do if they only loved me and saw good in me1 and told me so4 ,but to be nagged1 and blamed1 scolded1 rebuked and humiliated incessantly is making me wicked in my mind all the time4 ,i know how devils are made4 ,they just take a child1 neither better nor worse than others1 and put it some place where it hears nothing but blame all the time1 never a word of love or praise1 and when it is grown up it is a devil1 ready to give back the pain that had been inflicted on it4 ,if it were not for my own people1 my thought people1 ,i could not endure life at all40 8,a bad case10 said the stranger to himself1 with a sigh1 8heart and intellect both hungry4 ,i fear the road will be very rough4 8,why did you let your friend ,helen go away8 ,since she is your own creation1 why not keep her here at will1 when you are so fond of her80 8,she is my own creation1 but ,i could not keep her here4 ,she has her own life to live1 so she went back to the world from which ,i drew her1 for ,i do truly believe away down inside of me1 that she is what you call real4 ,just now she is in ,paris1 and she is a famous author1 but not too conceited to love me and find pleasure in talking and writing to me4 ,i was willing she should go away1 as it gives me an opportunity of writing to her4 ,i enjoy writing even more than talking1 sometimes4 ,i get letters from her often4 ,i have a box full of them4 ,of course ,i have to write them myself1 but after they are written it really seems that she1 not ,i1 is their author1 and ,i enjoy reading them just as other folks enjoy sure-enough letters that come from the post office40 8,how do you send letters to your people80 ,the yearning eyes became grave4 8,well1 that is awkward4 ,i leave them in queer little places where big1 bad1 real people are not apt to find them--at the root of a flower1 in the crevice of a wall1 or under a stone--and persuade myself that somehow they reach their destination4 ,sometimes ,i carry them clear to the woods and leave them in hollow trees1 or under great1 cool rocks1 where1 perhaps1 there are fairies or some kind of invisible messengers who will transport them for me4 8,but when it rains1 now and then1 they are washed out of their places1 and ,i find them all wet and blurred4 ,then a chilly feeling comes over me1 and ,i am half afraid that1 after all1 my people have not seen them4 ,you see it hurts me if ,i think nobody reads them4 ,that's why ,i wanted you to read my letter to ,helen4 ,i felt sure you would understand40 8,you have many of these unseen friends of yours80 asked the stranger4 8,yes1 many2 but ,helen is my only confidante4 ,of course ,i am not a little girl when ,i am with my people4 ,i am grown up1 and am important1 for ,i1 too1 am a famous writer1 and ,i paint the most wonderful pictures4 ,yes1 ,i have great fame and the wisest and most distinguished people are pleased to be received by me1 and they--well1--they hang upon my words40 8,of course10 said the stranger4 8,it is beautiful10 continued the child1 8to be treated with consideration4 ,when will big folks learn that little ones are human beings like themselves1 with the same feelings exactly1 and that they can't respect themselves if they are ordered about rudely1 scolded1 snubbed and generally treated as inferior beings80 ,she was enjoying the first appreciation the world had accorded her2 was breathing the air of her dreams1 the congenial atmosphere which is only found where there are sympathetic souls to breathe it with us4 ,the stranger1 understanding1 thought of 8how widely yawns the moat that girds a human soul10 whose 8real world is always an invisible place1 removed from the rush and chatter of crowds1 for the most important portion of life is the secret and solitary portion40 8,are your people all women1 or do you permit poor1 imperfect1 earthly man to enter your paradise80 he asked4 8,our world is made up of human beings1 and of course that means men and women10 she replied4 8,it would be a stupid place if it contained only women or only men4 ,but our men are men1 not merely creatures who pass as such1 like so many one sees walking about here4 ,and yet1 ,i must confess that the men of my thought world are not quite so real to me as the women4 ,i want to make them excellent1 perfect2 but ,i don't succeed4 ,when ,i get them just so far along1 ,i seem unable to complete them1 and so they are more or less dim and shadowy to me40 8,ah1 ,i see10 said her listener4 8,your ideal of mankind is too high for even your imagination to give form to4 ,what are these men like who still seem dim to you8 ,some of them are knights and lords of high degree1 or kings1 perhaps80 8,no2 we don't care for that kind4 ,they would be too conceited for our world4 ,we don't like fighters1 either4 ,we have great men1 of course1 but they have earned their laurels2 but even then they don't talk about themselves1 till they tire one all out like living men do4 ,but we will not have any who are not truthful1 and then they are courageous1 for liars are always cowards1 you know4 ,and then1 they are kind1 very kind to everybody1 and they don't think themselves better than women4 ,we couldn't stand that1 especially as our women are all so magnificent4 ,i'm one of them1 you know40 ,it was beautiful to him to see her so frankly reveal herself as she saw herself4 8,your men do something1 ,i suppose1--something more than to be merely agreeable80 he said4 8,we all work1 but we dream too1 and the dreamers are prized as highly as the workers if they dream good dreams40 8,for a dreamer lives forever1 ,and a toiler dies in a day10 hummed the stranger softly4 ,then in memory he turned to the past1 murmuring1 8,bohemia1 thy grapes are sweet40 ,he saw again its hot and dusty highways1 its tangled byways and the long procession traveling thereon4 ,one by one they passed him in review1 some with road-worn feet1 faded garments and weary eyes2 some stepping lightly1 with joy in their hearts and flowers in their hands4 ,there were the hopeful1 the mirthful1 the witty and the merry4 ,there1 too1 were the baffled and beaten1 the hopeless and the joyless4 ,the successful went by with proud mien1 and smiling face1 and they who had failed also bore themselves erect and smiled1 that the world might not dream of the pain at their hearts4 8,their heads were bloody but unbound40 ,grapes grew abundantly overhead1 but a few1 only a very few of the many travelers gathered them4 ,he saw it all in memory as he had seen it all in reality4 ,now1 as one by one the struggling1 striving throng1 dowered with the fateful gift of genius1 passed again before him1 he saw 8,their faces all showed suffering1 ,though no voice uttered plaints40 ,how courageous they had been6 ,how faithful6 ,not a few had met starvation face to face1 and even that dread sight had not power to turn them from the pursuit of their ideals4 ,again and again he had seen the bravest and brightest fall1 their aim unattained1 their hands empty1 their names unrenowned1 their hearts broken4 ,but now he saw1 as by a revelation1 that the defeated were victors too4 ,putting his hand over his eyes as if to shut out the sight of the striving1 suffering throng1 he groaned mentally1 for here in this quiet spot1 far from the great centres of life1 was another getting ready for a pilgrimage on the same hot1 dusty road4 ,the child was the first to break the silence into which they had fallen4 8,my own people are somewhere in the real world1 ,i am sure1 and ,i must go and find them10 she said4 8,i was singing about it to this dear old tree when you came1 for when ,i go the tree will miss me and be lonely4 ,we are great friends4 ,i tell it many things1 and it answers by waving its branches over me--see1 like that1 and ,i understand40 8,you are eleven years old10 said the stranger1 8and are eager to go and find your people4 ,i am many1 many years older and yet have found very few of mine4 ,the search is long and sometimes heart-breaking1 but it has to be made4 ,but remember one thing1 and forget it not1 ,i pray you4 ,if you have some dream in your mind dearer than all others--some thought that burns to spring forth into life--be faithful to it1 for it is your ideal4 ,follow it at any cost4 ,your story of the woman who did not do her best contains a great philosophical truth4 ,somewhere1 sometime we are destined to reach a state where our dreams shall come true1 where we shall have the desire of our hearts1 where we shall be in accord with all beauty and all good4 ,but we can only reach that state by doing our best every day--in little things and great4 ,if we do less we shall have to do it over again4 8,one is with you who always knows4 ,it is your soul--your real self4 ,when you want to find your work1 when you are ready to tell what you feel1 ask not the world what it wants1 but say to your soul1 #8,what wilt thou have me to do8'0 ,she looked at him admiringly1 gratefully1 and said1 8,i thank you4 ,i know you are wise1 for you come from the big1 busy world that ,i long to enter1 and shall enter4 ,there one can see and learn everything4 ,less than a mile away two railroads cross each other4 ,i hear the locomotives whistle every day as they pass1 dragging people after them4 ,i shall go1 too1 some day1 and then1 and then0-- 8,and then10 said the stranger1 sighing2 but she did not understand4 ,how could she8 8,and then ,i shall be happy10 she added4 8,you must find me when you come into my world10 he continued1 after a pause4 8,perhaps ,i am one of your own people4 ,at any rate1 the great world knows me a little4 ,now ,i must leave you and go back to where the two railroads cross4 ,my train was hours behind time1 otherwise ,i should not have had the pleasure of meeting you4 ,i assure you ,i shall not forget you1 and when you come into my world ,i shall know you for one of us1 even as ,i know you now40 ,they had risen as he spoke4 ,he took her slender1 sunburned hand in his1 bent down1 kissed it and was gone4 8,he is truly one of my very own people10 said the child to herself1 as she watched him out of sight4 8,now ,i am sure they live somewhere1 and ,i shall find them and know them as soon as ,i see them1 and shall be happy40 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,where ,,the ,,road ,,divides4 8,o ,urania6 the earth and the air and the sea ,and the infinite spaces are vocal with thee1 ,and the sunset and moonrise seraphic with thee40 --,ben ,s4 ,parker4 ,the tall young man alone on the porch walked slowly back and forth1 looking off into the sweet spring sunshine1 with troubled eyes4 ,he stopped and his face flushed with pleasure as a young girl dressed for the street came out of the door4 8,you here1 ,mr4 ,kendall80 she said1 interrogatively4 8,you toil not neither do you spin to-day8 ,how's that80 8,because ,i am weary and fain would rest10 he answered4 8,yes1 and ,i fain would do several other things1 too2 but ,i dare say ,i shall not4 ,but you have been idling lately1 too4 ,why so80 ,she shrugged her shoulders4 8,like yourself ,i am weary and fain would do--,i scarcely know what1 and go ,i scarcely know where40 8,do you mind my asking whither you are bound just now80 8,not at all10 she answered1 pleasantly1 8only ,i can't say definitely1 because ,i don't know4 ,i shall probably fetch up at the nearest open square where there is some green grass on which ,i can rest my eyes a bit1 and either lose myself or find myself for a little while40 8,may ,i go with you80 ,he made the request a little timidly1 for she had a high-handed way with him that made him a little afraid of her1 though she attracted him with resistless force4 8,i shall be pleased40 ,her voice had a sincere ring in it that flushed his face with pleasure4 8,you are always a good companion1 because you don't tire me talking too much40 8,a dubious compliment1 but ,i am grateful for it1 nevertheless4 ,though if it be intended as a hint for me to keep silent this morning it will not be taken1 that's all40 ,they walked away together with the manner of persons accustomed to seeing much of each other4 ,the wide old streets had birds twittering in the trees1 and sunshine warm upon them4 ,the air was soft and mild1 and brought with it the gentle melancholy peculiar to spring1 a melancholy that creates or awakes a strange unrest1 and makes us long to go journeying to far countries1 we know not why4 ,each of these two were touched by the spirit of this unrest4 ,they spoke of the beauty of the day1 of the joy of idling now and then1 so sweet to busy people1 but soon fell into silence1 for their thoughts were not with their words4 ,the young man's eyes became misty from time to time1 though his companion saw it not1 for she did not look at his face4 ,he was thinking that in after years he should often recall this walk4 ,on his mind he was painting every object his eyes encountered1 that he might treasure it as a comforting picture in the possible lonely future4 ,after wandering about awhile they sat down in a tiny park near a fountain1 and idly watched the water spraying in the sunshine4 8,how long have you been here1 ,miss ,hill80 ,kendall asked abruptly4 8,four years10 she answered1 tossing a pebble into the fountain and showing little interest in anything but her own thoughts4 8,and ,i five40 ,as she said nothing1 presently he went on3 8,now1 ,i want you to do me a service1 a real service4 ,i want you to decide a question1 an important question for me1 and ,i have determined to abide by your decision1 whatever it may be4 ,yes1 ,i will do exactly as you say40 ,expecting a word or look of interest from her1 he paused2 but she went on drawing lines on the gravel walk with her parasol1 in silence4 ,being of the large1 fair type of man1 his face flushed with every emotion4 ,just now he colored deeply because of her apparent unconcern1 but continued3 8,there are times in each life when it is necessary to do one of two things4 ,until we reach this point we get on very well1 and are untroubled by doubts4 ,but when we have to decide whether to keep the right hand road or take the left1 then we look about for something or somebody to cast the die for us4 ,the doing is always comparatively easy2 it's the deciding that muddles and troubles us4 ,now ,i have come to the place where the road divides1 and ,i want some help on the decision40 ,she looked up at him now with unaffected interest4 8,i am thinking that ,i ought to strike out and do something better than ,i am doing1--be something more than a cog in a great machine4 ,i am tired of that4 ,in the office over there0--making a motion with his hand in the direction of the commercial part of the city--8are men who would faint1 ,i am sure1 or weep like children1 if they should lose their situations1 such cowards have they become by long dependence on the weekly salary4 ,some have been there years1 and have given their manhood as well as their time in exchange for the money they pocket every ,saturday4 ,they act like slaves in the presence of their employer4 ,if he had bought them at the auction block they could not be more cringing to him4 ,when he is in sight self-respect withers and they are mere worms1 crawling in spirit at his feet4 ,i don't want to become like that1 and yet ,i am sure to if ,i remain4 ,that sort of thing is contagious4 ,no man can stand forever against it4 ,i know just enough of the degrading feeling to be willing to make a sacrifice to avoid familiarity with it4 ,in reality the wage-earner and the man who hires him engage in a form of coperation1 each to be respected by the other2 but the relation is universally misunderstood4 ,the employer develops into an autocrat and the employee into a serf1 and so both are injured4 ,to be an employee too long is to become a dependent1 helpless1 pitiable being1 a degenerate man4 ,i am sure of it4 ,believing that1 ,i feel ,i must escape from such direful consequences4 8,yet it takes courage to voluntarily give up what they call a good salary1 and go into the wilderness1 so to speak1 and take the risks that all that implies4 ,a ship sails from ,new ,york for ,san ,francisco day after to-morrow4 ,i have been thinking ,i would resign my situation and take passage on her4 ,the territories are big and full of opportunities4 ,i thought to go to one of them and carve out life for myself on broader lines1 if possible4 ,i have a little money1 and ,i can still put forth effort4 ,as ,i have no family to consult--not a relative in the world--and being on the fence1 as it were1 in the matter of deciding1 ,i have a fancy for leaving it to you and will do what you say4 ,tell me1 shall ,i go or stay80 ,she looked at him with something like admiration shining in her eyes4 8,go10 she said1 unhesitatingly4 8,go1 and be an individual1 a fully developed unit1 a man1 not a mere cog in somebody else's wheel4 ,cogs have their uses1 but they have also their limitations1 and they are so plentiful4 ,you can be a whole machine1 if you try4 ,yes1 go and be a figure in the world1 on your own account1 not simply a cipher1 useful only as auxiliary to the figures40 8,good60 he said1 with forced emphasis1 making a brave effort to appear delighted1 but in his heart wishing he could hide somewhere and take it out in a hearty schoolboy blubber4 8,day after to-morrow at this time ,i shall be aboard my ship40 ,he knew that her decision was wise1 but it pained him that she was so ready to send him4 ,and then1 there was the ordeal of parting from her1 a tug of war he could not calmly face4 8,you should go for the sake of preserving your self-respect10 she continued1 8lest in time you become like the slavish wretches by whom you are surrounded1 and also to preserve your life if you care for it4 ,two years more here bent over your desk in dingy1 close rooms1 and you will be hopelessly ill of consumption40 8,i have thought of that10 he said1 8and it has something to do with my wish to get away40 8,well1 when you go elsewhere1 don't make the mistake of beginning the same kind of life over again4 ,don't imprison yourself1 and don't hire yourself out to any man4 ,the air of the ,west will not save you unless you breathe it fresh and pure4 ,live outdoors as much as possible4 ,how hideous is this habit of herding in cities--hideous and hurtful6 ,how sensible of you to think of going where there is breadth1 freedom and outlook in all senses of the words2 but ,i am surprised1 because ,i never heard you express any discontent40 8,to be honest1 ,i had very little--too little for my own good10 he said1 coloring deeply4 8,it has cost me a struggle to force myself to think of going4 ,don't forget that it is you who are sending me after all2 but for you ,i swear ,i should not go40 8,i am sure ,i am doing you a service10 she answered1 8though ,i shall miss you1 as a matter of course40 8,and you1 what of your future8 ,you advise me to leave this plodding existence1 where there is neither growth nor freedom1 and go where ,i can be more than ,i ever can be here2 but you are passing your life in exactly the same jog-along way40 8,i--oh6 ,i1 too1 shall be gone some day40 ,as she spoke she smiled1 looking afar off4 8,if ,i make a place for you will you come80 he asked4 ,there was nothing lover-like in his voice or attitude1 yet he loved the girl beside him with a faithful1 dog-like1 worshipful affection4 ,not loving him1 and not having a grain of coquetry or even vanity in her1 she had never been aware of it4 ,even now1 when his meaning became plain to her1 she did not make a situation of it1 or give it the slightest shading of the sentimental4 ,entirely unmoved herself1 she knew not what the avowal cost him1 made in the face of defeat1 as he well knew beforehand4 8,oh1 dear1 no10 she said1 simply1 without a shade more or less of feeling in face or voice4 8,if ,i were a man1 yes1 ,i would go2 but as it is1 no4 ,be grateful that you are a man and have no hampering1 cramping sex limitations to work against in the public mind if not in your own4 ,you are free to go where you will and to do what you wish1 and if it be but half-way well done1 both fools and wise will chirrup your praises4 ,one thing ,i ask of you4 ,throughout your life1 never lose an opportunity of helping womankind to a freer1 better1 broader life4 ,do this in memory of me1 and if ,i meet you in the future1 either here or on the other side of life--should there be another side--,i shall not fail to thank you40 8,i promise1 and doubtless shall do more than that1 in memory of you40 ,the last words had a quaver of agony in them1 which she did not sense4 8,i have been growing restless of late1 too4 ,some day ,i shall be gone--perhaps before long40 ,she looked afar off with dreamy eyes as she spoke1 and ,kendall's heart ached as he realized at last1 that in the future of her dreams he had no part or place4 8,do not forget1 wherever you may be1 that ,i am always your loyal1 humble servant10 he said1 gently4 8,i am sure of that1 and ,i thank you10 she answered1 with kindness in her voice4 ,it was like the man that he did not try to relieve his almost bursting heart by talking of his love for her1 even though it was without hope1 but he understood none of the arts of ,eros1 and was disciplined in repression4 ,in truth1 it was preposterous that he should dream of winning this woman1 and in a vague way he always knew it2 yet he had dreamed4 ,from the day he first saw her she had enthralled him1 an achievement of which she seemed altogether unconscious1 though everybody else read it clearly enough4 ,they had met daily in their common home1 a boarding-house1 for four years4 ,they had enjoyed concerts1 plays and lectures together2 had walked and talked together and been good comrades and yet had never agreed4 ,nothing under the sun did they see from the same point of view1 and the topic upon which they thought alike had never been found4 ,in spite of this1 ,kendall patiently worshipped at her shrine4 ,had he not been of the steady1 hopeful1 never-give-up brand of lover1 he would have lost heart long before4 ,but he had the confidence of the self-satisfied and shortsighted1 and a heart that held on to its fancies with the desperate clutch that wins sometimes when finer methods fail4 ,to his credit be it said that while his devotion was open and above-board1 for all the world to see1 he was never obtrusive4 ,early in his acquaintance with his torturer he had learned to take a third or fourth place about her candle and make no fuss4 ,he was at her service whenever she needed him1 and always out of the way when she didn't need him4 ,many a night he had climbed to his fourth-story room1 humming a cheery song1 while his heart was being gnawed in holes by the monster ,jealousy1 all because ,miss ,hill was chatting and laughing in the parlor with some of the other moths who circled about her4 ,when chaffed about his ill-requited devotion1 he laughed it off1 and said he was happy to be tolerated at all4 ,to himself1 as a matter of graveyard whistling1 he said3 8,it is a question of waiting4 ,she cares for none of them4 ,when she tires of them she may think of me4 ,meanwhile ,i think of her because ,i can't help it40 ,he kept this up for four years4 ,then a restlessness of spirit came upon him2 the unseen forces of destiny began to work upon his mind and urge him to go forth1 he knew not where4 ,yet how could he go out of the sight of her1 voluntarily8 ,there was but one thing that would give him the required courage1 and that was to make her bid him go4 ,then he could feel that1 at least1 he was obeying her1 hence his little plan of having her cast the die4 ,it might comfort him in the future4 ,the four years of their life together under the same roof rolled through ,kendall's mind in panorama1 and filled his heart to bursting4 ,the daily sight of the girl beside him had sweetened the days--had been life itself to him1 for she radiated light and life1 like a sun4 ,that she did not love him1 mattered little in that moment4 ,the years in which he had lived in her presence could not be taken from him4 ,remembering this his spirit was lifted up1 and the poor1 common1 selfish ambition to possess her vanished1 and the joy of having known and loved her took its place4 ,he looked at her long1 earnestly1 adoringly1 photographing her on the fadeless walls of memory that he might carry the picture with him through all the years to come4 8,i want to make a confession to you1 ,miss ,hill10 said ,kendall1 when he thought the mental photograph of her was complete4 8,you have converted me to broader views1 not by words1 but by your daily life4 ,i see you filling a useful place1 unaided1 in a profession that only men1 heretofore1 to my knowledge1 have attempted4 ,you not only succeed1 but you excel most of your male co-workers4 ,you make as much money as any of them1 and you have more brains1 and you command everybody's respect4 ,thinking over these things1 ,i am ashamed to remember that ,i thought ,i ought to vote1 but women must be kept from it at all hazards4 ,your example has enlightened me by taking some of the masculine conceit out of me4 ,i feel small and mean that ,i in my insignificance should have thrown a straw in the path of women like you40 8,i am glad your mental horizon has widened10 she said4 8,it will be a pleasure to think of you as one of my converts4 ,i may never make another1 unless1 as in this case1 it be done by example and not argument4 ,i begin to believe that discussion availeth little4 ,when ,i hear poor1 undeveloped beings fighting the ideas that would make them free1 ,i do nothing to convert them to my way of thinking1 ,i just silently say1 #8,may ,god enlighten them1' for that's all that can be done1 and the enlightening process is usually slow40 8,i remember now10 he said1 8that ,i haven't been able to draw you into a discussion in many a day4 ,i suppose you saw it was a hopeless case and just simply prayed for my enlightenment40 8,yes2 and it has come sooner than ,i expected4 ,so now ,i am more than ever persuaded that argument is useless4 ,none can be taught until ready to learn4 #8,except ye become as little children'--receptive1 teachable1 ready for light--applies to entering all kingdoms as well as the heavenly one40 8,while ,i am confessing10 said ,kendall1 8,i will tell you that ,i used sometimes to take sides against you for the pleasure of hearing you express yourself--you do it so well40 ,she looked at him and her eyes made him ashamed1 as she said3 8,that was not kind4 ,i was always in earnest4 ,however1 ,i am learning a little more about human nature every day4 ,i shall soon cease to be a ,galatea1 ,i think40 8,no2 it was not kind nor honest1 but ,i did not realize it until this moment1 and now ,i ask your pardon4 ,many of the offences of us men are the outcome of ignorance rather than meanness4 ,we know no better4 ,our conceit has stood in the way of our enlightenment4 ,forgive all my shortcomings1 and remember my defects no more4 ,be a little kinder still and do one other service for me4 ,read me my future40 8,i am no occultist10 she answered1 laughing4 8,no matter4 ,i have a fancy for believing you are for the time being4 ,tell me what lies ahead4 ,it may keep up my courage4 ,since you are my confessor1 ,i don't mind telling you that there are moments when ,i feel a childish cowardice about what ,i may have to meet1 and wish ,i could run away from it all and hide forevermore40 8,that recalls a bit of rhyme ,i read years ago which has always stuck in my memory10 she said3 8#8,what is ,life1 ,father8 ,a battle1 my child1 ,where the strongest arm may fail2 ,where the wariest eye may be beguil'd1 ,and the stoutest heart may quail4' 8',tis no shame to admit that one's courage is not always high4 ,no one lives always on the heights4 ,i know something about those moments of childish cowardice you speak of2 but there1 ,i belong to the sex that is supposed to have the right to be cowardly--we are even driven to it4 ,courage brings reproach upon us1 while the more we shrink and cower and quail and complain the more #8womanly' we are said to be4 ,what a fine outlook for the human race6 ,but as to your future4 ,now ,i am an astrologer and must draw your horoscope40 7,this was accomplished by scratching several circles on the walk with the end of her parasol47 8,there1 the rings and dots and figures all mean tremendous things4 ,i shall not weary you1 however1 by telling you the why and wherefore of everything4 ,i shall stick to facts4 ,here goes3 ,i see a journey by water which ends where the sun sets4 ,you will meet disappointments and difficulties2 will know privations and dangers1 and also that most dreadful form of homesickness--the homesickness of one who has no home4 ,but you will overcome all obstacles and be what is called successful2 you will find your place and hold it4 ,you will become bigger and stronger in body and in character1 and you will never come back here40 8,and the indescribable thing called ,happiness2 has it no place in my horoscope80 he asked1 after a pause4 8,is it not included in the thing called ,success80 she answered4 8,can the defeated be happy80 8,on the whole your reading is not half bad1 as the ,english say1 when they want to compliment a thing1 and ,i believe in it40 ,yet he sighed as he spoke4 ,the promised success was not alluring1 meaning as it did1 lifelong separation from the sun that warmed his life4 ,still he was in dead earnest when he said he believed in her prophecies4 ,long ago he had made up his mind that this girl was his fate--not in the sense that she was likely to unite her life to his4 ,he had never been honestly hopeful of that in spite of his steady perseverance2 but it seemed to him that in some way she was to direct his life1 to be the star of his destiny1 as it were4 ,and never was that belief stronger upon him than now when he knew that the end of their daily association had come4 ,rising1 she said1 8,let us each cast a pebble in the pool of this fountain and see whose circles will last longer40 ,as they watched the rings widen1 multiply and vanish until those made by her pebble had obliterated his1 he said1 8,there6 ,your spirit will trouble the waters of life to greater purpose than mine and longer4 ,it needs no divination to tell that40 ,when they went back to the house they met ,westfield coming out4 8,will she eventually throw herself away on him80 was the query ,kendall put to himself4 ,at the breakfast table next morning ,kendall's chair was vacant1 and the place was to know him no more under the sun4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,confidences ,,and ,,questions4 8,too weak to change1 though a mental hell ,to me the rle of clown2 ,a coward bound by a self-wrought spell1 ,i wait the sound of the prompter's bell ,which rings the curtain down40 ,sunday's restfulness was in the air4 ,miss ,hill and ,westfield sat in the shade of the great tree in the yard1 with books and newspapers about them4 ,nothing was more delightful to ,westfield than to hear her read aloud4 ,she had a voice of great natural sweetness1 with no artificial notes in it4 ,in truth there was no artifice in her character4 ,the man beside her to-day was one of whom poor ,kendall had often been bitterly jealous1 a man of finer fibre than his rival1 greater charm and graver defects4 ,older1 he was also wiser1 particularly in melancholy wisdom4 8,read me something10 he said1 8some wild wail from a tortured poet4 ,there are always plenty1 and ,i like 'en1 no matter how woful they are4 ,god bless the poets every one1 high and humble4 ,they help us out in the dreary business of life40 ,she read3 8,white-footed the snow comes1 ,o'er the hills of beauty1 ,treading like a penitent ,rough paths of duty40 8,what an exquisite figure10--he interrupted1--8the personification of the snow1 with white feet1 like a penitent40 ,he had once made a bright mark in the world of letters1 then ceased to strive and later ceased to care1 so it might be supposed that his commendation was of some value4 8,miss ,hill10 he said1 with sudden animation1 8what are you going to do with your life80 8,live it1 if ,i am permitted40 8,how80 8,i have my dreams40 8,of what80 ,she smiled1 looking far away1 but kept silence4 8,i can't make you out10 he said1 a little peevishly4 8,i believe you have genius for literature1 yet you seem to be perfectly indifferent about cultivating it4 ,were you like others one might suppose that love and marriage made up your dreams2 but you are as indifferent to lovers as to possible fame4 ,i don't understand you40 8,well1 it isn't worth while to bother about me10 she said4 8,i shall be gone some day40 8,i fear you will10 he answered1 with feeling2 8,i have thought of it a thousand times1 and dreaded to enter the house1 lest ,i should not find you there4 ,a sense of your impermanence is always with me4 ,you don't belong here in any sense1 and ,i fear that ,fate will not let you stay much longer4 ,there is an unreality about your being here at all that is like the experiences we have when we sleep1 real enough while they are occurring1 but unreal to remember4 ,yes1 you will be gone some day4 ,therefore1 ,i shall take ,fate by the forelock and go first1 that ,i may not be here when you leave4 ,i could not endure that4 ,the very sight of the old house and this tree would then be intolerable to me40 ,his face and speech were impassioned1 but the girl saw it not4 ,that was what made her so exasperating to those whom she fascinated4 ,she seemed incapable of seeing that she could fascinate4 ,the truth was she was self-absorbed4 8,you would miss me1 ,i am sure10 she said1 in the most matter-of-fact tone1 8and ,i should miss you greatly1 if you were gone40 8,where will you go to when you leave here80 he asked4 8,to my own people1 ,i hope10 she answered1 dreamily1 her eyes wandering away to the horizon4 8,tell me about them10 he begged4 8,i have often tried to lead you to talk of them1 but you never would4 ,you are a tell-all1 tell-nothing sort of person4 ,others do not notice that1 but ,i do1 and have woven some theories about it40 8,i dare say they do me great honor1 but in all probability they are far from true40 8,well1 then1 why will you not tell me about yourself80 he asked1 in an injured tone4 8,you talk as though ,i have been making history on this planet for ages4 ,i am young2 what could ,i have to tell that would satisfy your expectation of the extraordinary4 ,you have known me here in this house for more than two years4 ,as the ,indians in the old story-books say1 we have #8eaten salt together daily1' and we have walked and talked together with the freedom of children4 ,what is there of me still unrevealed80 8,i don't know10 he said1 8but ,i feel there is something--a part of you and your experiences from which ,i and others are shut out1 and that part is the greatest part of you4 ,i argue that1 because1 although you attract many1 myself1 poor moth1 among them1 no one gets near to you4 ,an invisible but formidable wall surrounds you1 from which all our attempted gallantries rebound like arrows which strike rocks4 ,and there you are behind it1 always smiling and agreeable1 but entirely unmoved and secure4 ,now1 somebody or some experience built that wall1 for it is not in the nature of things for it to be there without cause40 8,go on10 she said1 smiling1 as he waited for her to speak4 8,you will end by being a great architect yet4 ,how like magic you put up that wall40 8,you may chaff as much as you please10 he said1 a little savagely1 8but ,i am not to be put off that way4 ,now that ,i have begun ,i am going to say some things seriously and you must hear them seriously40 8,i told you to go on10 she said1 composedly4 8,and so ,i will10 he grumbled1 8though ,i know perfectly well that it would be manlier if ,i kept silence4 ,as you say1 we have eaten and walked and talked together as freely as children for more than two years4 ,in that time we have become well acquainted--not the poor1 shallow acquaintance of formal society1 but the near1 intimate association of two human beings who honestly express themselves to each other4 ,the result of this comradeship is that ,i love you4 ,i will not say ,i have learned to love you1 for something of the fact was clear to me the very first time ,i saw you4 ,in all probability you don't remember the incidents of that day at all1 but ,i do4 ,brooks1 our good host1 as you know1 is my old friend4 ,i had drifted to this city in an aimless way1 as ,i had been drifting for years4 ,he met me and brought me home to dinner with him4 ,i have always adored intellect in man or woman4 ,one look into your eyes told me that you are of uncommon endowments4 ,then1 along with a beautiful but simple stateliness of manner1 you have certain childish graces of which you are unconscious4 ,you have never put your childhood entirely away from you4 ,i particularly noticed the correct school-girlish arrangement of your knife and fork at the end of the dinner1 and was charmed by it4 ,after we left the table ,i said to ,brooks that you had wonderful eyes4 ,he agreed with me1 but warned me not to let them undo me1 because he said you were constructed on a novel plan1 one man being the same as another to you1 and all being as nothing4 8,i paid no attention to his warning1 as you see4 ,on the contrary1 when he went to the ,times office and secured me a situation1 ,i accepted it gratefully1 because ,i could then become a member of his household and see you every day4 ,i have loved you ever since1 and have had much quiet joy in it1 and it has bettered me in many ways4 ,i know perfectly well--,i have always known--that you do not love me1 and in my least selfish moments ,i am glad of it1 because ,i have nothing to offer you that is fit for you to accept4 ,i would not tell you that ,i love you--never a word of it--were ,i not sure that it will not hurt you4 ,in the years to come the memory of it may comfort you4 ,it is a great comfort to me now1 hopeless as it is4 ,it helps me only to tell it4 ,o my child1 my heart has long been sick and sore from bruises the like of which ,i pray you may never know4 ,we men are set up to be so strong and pretend to be so self-satisfied1 but we are only grown-up children after all4 ,when we are sore in spirit we long for some loving woman soul to take us to her arms and pet and soothe us mother-like1 yet we often live our lives without it4 8,i am fifteen years older than you1 and know the world well--better than ,i wish ,i did--so well that ,i should like to protect you from its ugly phases4 ,yet ,i am powerless to do it4 ,never did ,i so deeply lament my aimless1 wasted life as now1 when ,i see myself with nothing to offer you and yet loving you with all my heart4 ,sometimes1 since ,i have known you1 ,i have dreamed that with your help ,i could pull myself together and make something of my life yet2 but the dream is only temporary--it flees1 the reaction comes and ,i sink back to the rle of a nobody which ,i have long been playing1 and doubtless shall play to the end--an end that ,i may make for myself any day4 8,to say that ,i despise myself for being the wretched failure ,i am is to express myself but lamely4 ,my love has in it an element of the paternal4 ,i am not thinking so much of what you might be to me1 but of what ,i earnestly wish ,i might be to you4 ,i long to shield you from the infinite horror of the experience we call life1 as it is revealed to many4 ,you are like a tall young pine-tree standing alone on a high rugged and rocky mountain side1 enjoying the sunshine and swaying gently in the summer breeze1 not knowing that the winter of the future will bring storms that may tear its roots from the earth4 ,you know not your own value1 that is the danger4 ,some day you may give your love and have your heart broken4 ,that's what happens to strong souls usually1 and you are one of them4 ,i know the answer to the woman poet's question3 8#8,is it so1 ,o ,christ in heaven1 that the highest suffer most8 ,that the strongest wander farthest1 and most hopelessly are lost8 ,that the mark of rank in nature is capacity for pain1 ,and the anguish of the singer1 makes the sweetness of the strain8 8#8,i have many things to tell you1 but ye cannot bear them now4' 8,yes1 ,i know the answer to that1 and it makes me anxious about your future4 ,behold the pitiful spectacle of a man who loves a woman1 tells her of it1 and yet confesses himself a hopeless failure40 8,but why do you insist upon considering yourself a failure80 asked ,miss ,hill4 8,you are not old1 you have good health1 education1 ability1 the necessary ingredients for achievement40 8,child1 you do not understand4 ,how could you8 the ruin is within1 not visible on the outer walls40 8,no2 ,i do not understand10 she said4 8,i will tell you10 he said1 8how ,i came to be a loiterer in the race1 what 8#8----wrought my woe1 ,in the diamond morning of long ago1' as the song says4 ,you see ,i began by asking you about yourself1 and1 with the artless art that distinguishes you1 with scarcely a word1 you have switched me off the track ,i had taken and set me talking about myself instead4 ,i shall lose in your respect after ,i tell my story1 as a matter of course1 but ,i would rather you knew it4 8,years ago1 in the days when the earth was new and sweet to me--in the mountain-moving period of life1 the tragedy began4 ,i loved1 and like the lover of ,annabel ,lee ,i may say that the angels of heaven coveted the love of her and me4 ,i was one of the editors of the most prosperous daily newspaper in the city that was my home1 my uncle being its proprietor4 ,he had no children of his own1 and had brought up my brother and me1 our parents having died1 when we were very little4 8,a sensational criminal trial was before the courts of a distant city1 and it was arranged that ,i was to attend it and send daily letters to my journal4 ,as it promised to last several weeks1 the separation from ,emma looked unendurable4 ,i must marry her and take her with me4 ,but when ,i told my plan to her she said she couldn't leave her father1 who was old1 feeble and almost blind1 with nobody else to care for him4 ,in my selfishness ,i had forgotten him4 #8,i cannot go with you1' she said1 #8but ,i am willing to marry you before you go4 ,it will comfort me while you are gone just to know that ,i am your wife4' 8,so we married1 telling no one but ,emma's father4 ,the secrecy was needless and foolish1 but when young we are all more or less enslaved by the ways of others1 and this was too violent a departure from custom to be proclaimed just then4 8,ours was an unusual but not unhappy honey-moon4 ,we wrote every day1 long1 glowing letters1 and annihilated distance with our thought4 8,but one day a telegram came announcing that my wife had been murdered--struck down in her own home1 in the light of day1 in the presence of her helpless old father4 8,behind the dreadful deed was the usual crazy rejected suitor4 ,i knew the wretched boy well--he was but a boy--but never dreamed of the ghastly possibilities within his crooked mind4 ,but what know we of any one8 ,who is safe from treating the community to a hideous sensation8 8,he had long been fond of ,emma1 but lost hope when he saw that my attitude toward her was an assured one4 ,but after ,i went away he got it into his crazy head that we had quarreled1 and took heart again4 ,when he implored her to marry him1 and she refused without telling him that she was already married1 he shot her dead and then shot himself4 8,horror1 grief1 and remorse overwhelmed me4 ,i blamed myself4 ,why had ,i not announced the marriage at once8 ,had the wretched boy known that ,emma was my wife1 he would have let her alone1 ,i am sure4 ,what did it avail that ,i put a tablet at her grave bearing the name of ,emma ,westfield8 ,humble as was the name it might have protected her had it been openly bestowed upon her4 8,this happened ten years ago1 before my friend ,brooks1 our host1 ever met me4 ,he knows nothing of it--doesn't dream that ,i ever was married4 ,to speak of it would oblige me to enter into explanations1 to uncover my heart to gratify curiosity1 which1 however kindly meant1 is always painful to a sore spirit4 ,i tell you that you may understand ,i have at least the shadow of an excuse for being what ,i am1 a man without purpose1 a withered1 useless branch of the human tree1 waiting for the man with the pruning knife to come and cut me down4 8,see the irony of fate4 ,a few days after my wife's death1 my uncle died1 leaving all his property to my brother and me4 ,we were now owners of the newspaper on which we had worked as employees1 and of other valuable interest besides4 ,it only emphasized my misery4 ,of all my possessions ,i could give nothing to the woman ,i loved--nothing but a stone at the end of a little heap of earth4 8,it might have been better for me had ,i not inherited my uncle's property1 for it enabled me to idle away my time and indulge my selfish grief1 until my will became enfeebled1 and that means the crumbling of the whole character1 which goes to pieces like an old wall4 8,i went away1 wandering over the earth aimlessly1 not trying to benefit by travel1 only hoping to make new scenes blot out the old1 unbearable ones4 ,i spent years in the vain effort to run away from myself4 ,i am still engaged in that hopeless effort1 though ,i have learned that it can't be done4 ,we take our world with us wherever we go--heaven and hell bring both within us4 8,i am but a morbid idler1 who has lost the qualities that give a man a place among men4 ,though ,i never tried to stifle memory and misery in debauchery1 my money melted away4 ,the coarse pleasures many men pursue never had charms for me1 but my destruction was none the less sure4 ,it has come without degradation1 ,i am thankful to say1 save that which any man must feel who has let himself slide down hill so far he never can climb up again4 8,once only since that dreadful thing happened have ,i accomplished anything4 ,i braced myself against my inner foes long enough to write the little book you know4 ,it gave me fame enough for a foundation for future work1 had ,i followed it up2 but ,i didn't4 ,i fell immediately back into the clutches of the miserable devils who possessed me--made a complete and inglorious surrender to them for all time1 caring naught who wins the prizes in the hateful race of life4 8,my story proves me a contemptible weakling4 ,i know ,i am not a whit above the cheap hero of the old-time1 pirate novel1 the fellow who does the gloomy1 manages to look as though the hand of ,fate was ever upon him1 and has a secret sorrow as big as an omnibus1 which he wants all the world to know4 ,i am not made of the right kind of stuff or ,i should not have given up at the first blow of ,destiny4 #8,man yields himself not to the angels nor even unto ,death itself1 save through the weakness of his own poor will4' 8,had ,emma's father lived1 the care of him might have proved a prop to me1 but the shock killed him1 and he died a few weeks after she did4 ,i had my brother1 younger than myself1 and we loved each other1 but ,i argued that he did not need me1 and left him4 ,he loves me still and follows me with the kindest1 dearest letters1 and is always begging me to come back to him2 but ,i will not be a cloud upon his happiness and prosperity4 ,yet his sympathy and yours are all that is left in the world precious to me4 8,my love for you is different from my early love4 ,in that day the castles ,i constructed were very worldly ones4 ,now1 ,i have no worldly ambitions whatever4 ,it seems to me that by some kind of kinship of soul1 if there is such a thing as soul1 you belong to me1 and never can be taken from me1 though our lives may be widely separated4 ,if you were the vilest and most degraded creature in the world and yet were yourself1 ,i should love you just the same4 8,after ,emma went away ,i tried hard to tear from ,death its well-guarded secret4 ,i wanted to know if the dark hole in the ground is the end of us all4 ,i pounded fiercely on the very doors of the tomb1 begging piteously for an answer4 ,none came4 ,no2 never a word came out of the silence into which she had gone4 ,the people who say they believe in a hereafter quote at us those exasperating scriptural questions3 #8,o ,death1 where is thy sting8 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8' ,i can answer them4 ,the sting is here1 in my heart4 ,the victory is over all my hopes1 dreams and ambitions4 ,people who believe6 ,are there any such8 ,they only say they believe4 ,it is all mere mouthing4 ,can any man believe that which he does not know8 ,their twaddle about faith and heaven enraged me4 ,i wanted proof1 proof--though but a whispered word1 the faintest touch of a vanished hand1 or the tiniest scratch of a familiar pen4 ,proof6 ,proof6 ,oh for the proof that she lived somewhere4 ,had ,i had that ,i could have laughed long and loud at ,death1 the liar and the cheat4 ,the merest thread of a rope would have served for me to hold to1 ,i was so eager to believe4 ,but nobody let it down to me--not then1 nor in all the years since4 8,yet now1 in spite of all that1 when ,i look at you1 ,i cannot persuade myself that you are to die--to cease from living4 ,you carry with you a conviction of immortality4 ,your intense individuality seems like a deathless thing4 ,it reminds me of the words of the young ,greek in the drama of ,ion4 ,when his life was to be sacrificed1 his beloved asks if they shall meet again4 ,he says1 #8,i have asked that dreadful question of the hills that look eternal--of the streams that flow forever--of the stars among whose fields of azure my raised spirit has walked in glory4 ,all are dumb4 ,but as ,i gaze upon thy living face1 ,i see something in the love that lights its beauty which cannot wholly perish4 ,we shall meet again1 ,clemanthe8' 8,what answer have you for the question8 #8,if a man die shall he live again8'0 8,about that ,i think much1 hope a little sometimes1 but know nothing10 she said4 8,no2 we know nothing10 he echoed1 with a sigh2 8but it is something to hope4 ,i have a fancy that the road is not long ahead of me here1 and ,i may soon have a chance to know what there is or know nothing4 ,if we have an existence beyond this objective one1 ,i may be able to help you from there4 ,it would be helping you could ,i but come and tell you that ,i lived1 would it not80 8,what greater service could you do me80 8,if ,i could do that ,i might do more4 ,who knows8 ,of course it is absurd to speak of helping you without explaining what ,i mean4 ,apparently you need nobody's help4 ,you are strong of character1 self-poised1 capable1 successful and fearless4 ,i see all that1 yet ,i cannot rid myself of the fear that you are destined to suffer much and will need the service and sympathy of all who love you4 ,from life ,i have learned a little4 ,when great strength is given ,i know it will be needed4 ,and you are stronger in character than you know4 ,i should like to save you from suffering1 but were ,i ever so rich and powerful1 ,i know ,i could not do it4 ,you must meet your destiny1 whatever it may be4 ,as the ,scotch say1 #8must dree your weird4' ,nobody else can live your life for you1 for1 alas6 life admits of no proxy4 ,i have woven many fanciful theories about you and your past1 present and future40 8,tell me one10 she said4 8,i will give you my favorite4 ,you are not what you seem to be--not less but more than you pretend to be4 ,you have been tenderly reared and much loved4 ,you are not here earning your bread because of necessity1 but for some purpose not thought of by those with whom you come in contact4 ,having demonstrated your ability to stand alone1 you will go back home some day and be done with it4 ,you are supported in whatever otherwise would be hard1 by the knowledge that you are free to turn your back upon it whenever you wish4 ,am ,i not a good clairvoyant80 8,permit me to ask why you think as you do about me80 8,because you give me the impression of not belonging where ,i find you4 ,you seem to be playing a part and doing it with exceeding skill2 but your real self is not in it4 ,as you say1 you will be gone some day to your own people4 ,and now that ,i have confessed myself a failure and a fool1 ,i too1 shall go away40 8,why80 she asked1 regretfully4 8,why must the men and women who find each other companionable be lovers or nothing to each other8 ,i am fond of you1 very1 not in the sentimental fashion1 but as good comrade and friend4 ,why can't we go on just as we have been doing8 ,that talk about loving me need make no difference40 8,you are like a child about these things10 he said4 8,you know not the creature man in his bondage to selfishness4 ,you credit us with the strength of gods1 and we are mostly such poor1 ill-developed wretches that if we want what we cannot have we must run away to avoid showing how little we are masters of ourselves4 ,but tell me what are you going to do with your life80 8,i have my dreams40 8,of what80 8,happiness40 8,would it be offensive if ,i asked upon what particular brand of the article you have set your heart80 8,the most commonplace one in the world1--the love and companionship of him who is dearest40 ,westfield was too astonished to say anything4 ,was the riddle so simple8 ,was this self-contained1 independent girl following the same everyday illusion that lured all other women8 ,while apparently caring nothing for lovers was she worshiping the one she carried ever in her heart8 8,i will tell you all there is to tell10 she said1 after a moment1 8and then you will understand40 ,he nodded assent1 but felt his heart sinking4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,her ,,story ,,and ,,fate4 8,who reads the riddle right8 ,and who can answer why ,these clouds sweep over our mental life8 ,not you1 brave priest1 nor ,i40 8,instead of being tenderly cared for1 as you imagine10 said ,miss ,hill1 8,i had a loveless childhood1 though above all things ,i wanted to be loved and to be told that ,i was loved4 ,i could have been an angel of goodness had ,i had even a little love2 but next to none was given me4 ,if parents only knew that by showing love for their children they made for them a foundation of happiness which no after experiences could knock from under their feet1 perhaps they would be kinder than some of them are4 ,but why speak of ifs at all8 ,if we knew at the beginning of life what we know at the end of it1 perhaps we should never have to make the journey4 ,i have thought often that ,i could bear my trouble courageously if ,i had sweet memories of childhood2 but ,i have only bitter ones4 ,sometimes ,i have been unhappy since ,i have been earning my own bread among people unknown to me before1 but never1 never for a moment so miserable as ,i was always in the home into which ,i was born4 8,i understand the reason of it all better now and blame nobody4 ,the law was simply working itself out into its natural results4 ,if ,i suffered--well1 who doesn't suffer as the mills of the gods grind1 set in operation as they usually are by ignorant hands8 ,my father and mother were natural enemies1 who should have lived as far asunder as the poles1 instead of enacting a hideous1 lifelong tragedy in the name of marriage4 ,i am quite sure they hated each other energetically most of the time and bitterly the rest of it1 yet they stuck together and brought seven children into the world to suffer in a thousand ways from their incompatible union1 and considered themselves virtuous in so doing4 ,yet1 that is the kind of thing that passes for morality4 ,long ago ,i saw that it was a foul lie1 and the direst foe to morality4 ,when my eldest sister was married1 and ,i heard the words #8,what ,god has joined together let no man put asunder1' clinching the curse1 as it were1 it set me to thinking and asking questions4 ,somebody explained to me that all husbands and wives were joined together by ,god1 and could not possibly be separated without going violently against ,his will1 except by death1 and that1 of course1 was in accordance with ,his will4 ,i pondered over this with a heavy heart4 ,then ,god had united my father and mother4 ,this dreadful work had been done by ,his hand1 and ,i was wroth against ,him1 for every day ,i felt and saw the evil effects of it4 8,is it strange that ours was a loveless family8 ,with no love between husband and wife1 could they be expected to love their children8 ,can a mother be expected to love the child who comes unwelcome to her arms8 ,can a father love children in whom he sees the features and traits of the woman to whom he is hopelessly bound and yet hates8 ,we were all victims of violated law1 so who was to blame8 ,ignorance6 ,ignorance1 which is responsible for all the evil and all the suffering under the sun4 ,in fact ignorance is evil1 and evil is ignorance1 nothing more nor less4 ,you know ,shakspeare says there is no darkness but ignorance4 8,we frequently have well-meaning persons say that ill-mated married folk should stick together #8for the sake of the children4' ,yet for that very reason they should separate4 ,their children and children's children pay the penalty of their violation of the laws of harmony1 and still farther down the line of the future goes the misery that had its origin in a hateful marriage4 ,pray tell me how is morality served thereby8 8,in addition to the discord that made our lives wretched my parents were victims of the desperate struggle for existence1 in which the finer qualities were squeezed out4 ,this so absorbed them that the true meaning of home and family escaped them1 and the material side of the situation alone received attention4 ,we were all wretched4 ,it was a horrible experience4 ,there we were1 not of our own choice1 wedged into an unwelcome place and unable to extricate ourselves4 ,we were plainly told that whatever was done for us was to help make us able to take care of ourselves4 ,we were urged to be industrious at school1 because learning would enable us to be self-supporting4 ,i never heard any other reason put forth in defence of education4 ,this was dinned into our ears until life had but one meaning1--that of getting on in the world4 ,the problem ended there4 ,the result1 ,i need hardly say1 was to make us selfish4 ,instead of loving one another and sharing each others' burdens1 each thought only of his or her individual success1 and the cherished dream of all was to get away--to go forth where there was opportunity4 8,i was next to the youngest1 a sister1 an extraordinary little being1 who had brought with her traces of a wisdom not of the earth1 and a recollection of conditions and surroundings more to her taste than our jarring household4 ,she talked much of a home that she had had somewhere1 and often wept to go back to it1 nor could she ever be persuaded to call the place in which she found herself home4 ,god knows how alien and comfortless it must have seemed to her delicate spirit4 ,when three years old she left us1 such was her good fortune4 ,at least it seemed good to me even then1 and when they told me the usual fanciful tales of wings and a shining heaven1 ,i envied her4 8,one by one my sisters and brothers made haste to leave4 ,so eager were they to get away that some took the first matrimonial boat on which they could secure passage1 and thereby made sad shipwreck of their lives4 ,how ,i longed to be loved4 ,when ,i saw other children petted and caressed my heart swelled almost to bursting4 ,the result of my unsatisfied longing was that ,i took refuge in my imagination and there lived a life as congenial and blissful as my outside life was distasteful and miserable4 ,i surrounded myself with imaginary friends whom ,i loved and who loved me--charming1 agreeable1 superior people--men and women1 not children4 ,the misery that prevailed in our home had taken my childhood from me before ,i knew ,i possessed it4 ,i early learned the solemn truth that #8each soul in what is most itself1 in what is deepest and nearest1 lives alone1 and that there is more loneliness in life than there is communion4' ,i1 too1 like my little sister1 suffered from a strange homesickness of the spirit1 a longing for sympathetic association1 for companionship1 in short4 ,i wanted congenial air1 #8that air which may be found everywhere1 if we can find sympathetic souls to breathe it with us1 and which is to be found nowhere without them1--the air of the land of our dreams1 of the country of the ideal4' ,plotinus says #8,our true country is that from whence we came4' ,it has always seemed to me that far back in the past ,i lived somewhere and was happy4 ,now ,i am ever searching for the souls who are in sympathy with me1 as in that far-off time4 ,they are my own people1 rather than those to whom ,i am related by consanguine ties4 ,they or their counterparts exist somewhere on the earth1 ,i believe1 and the real business of my life is to find them4 8,one's own people6 ,think of what it would be to dwell among them1 where sympathy met one in every glance1 and love made itself felt in every tone of the voice4 8,i was fond of study1 was quick to learn1 and when only seventeen was so far advanced that ,i felt ready to begin life on my own account4 ,like the others1 ,i was restless to leave a home which had never been more than a shelter to me4 ,i had no dreams of marrying1 and walking in the same treadmill in which so many millions of women have worn out their souls as well as their bodies4 ,i could never see why all women should spend their lives in cooking and nursing children any more than why all men should till the soil1 which was civilized man's primal occupation4 ,i saw1 too1 very clearly1 that women could never be more than half-fledged mentally1 or have any real influence in the world of affairs so long as they were dependents financially4 ,they must achieve pecuniary independence before they could hope for wider orbits1 as it were4 ,to get an opportunity to carve my own way in life was my unceasing wish4 ,so unceasing and earnest was it that it created its own fulfilment4 ,you may put it down as a great truth1 that a desire held with earnestness1 faith and persistence1 will bring to the one who holds it its object4 #8,ask and ye shall receive' is a law that is operative everywhere4 8,i held myself ready to do whatever ,i could find that needed doing1 but always in the day-dreams of my future ,i saw myself a successful painter and author1 because hundreds of beautiful pictures danced before my mind and begged to be put on canvas1 and thousands of thoughts and fancies flitted through my brain that ,i longed to share with all who would hear me4 8,i had a gift for drawing1 but had advanced as far as ,i could go without better instructors than were attainable where ,i lived4 ,one thing1 however1 ,i had1 which was a blessing to my artistic sense and a solace to my spirit4 ,that was a beautiful landscape to look upon4 ,as the mental atmosphere of home was always inharmonious ,i lived outdoors as much as possible1 and from the fine view the location commanded ,i extracted much profound pleasure4 8,one day ,i saw an advertisement in a newspaper to the effect that a lithographer in a little city fifty miles away wanted an assistant whom he could train to suit his needs4 ,the next day found me face to face with the advertiser1 talking myself up unblushingly4 ,he was surprised1 of course1 that a girl whose frocks as yet came no lower than her ankles1 should want to learn an art presumably sacred to men2 but after some hesitation he engaged me1 and ,i found myself launched in life as an independent1 self-supporting factor4 ,it was a proud day for me1 ,i assure you4 ,to the hardships of the situation ,i never gave a thought4 ,the chance to work was the wedge that was to split up the tree of my future1 so ,i set myself to hammering upon it with might and main4 ,my pecuniary recompense was microscopical1 but even that gave me no distress4 ,such as it was ,i managed to live within it1 and look forward to something better4 8,the lithographer's establishment proved to be very interesting to me4 ,some excellent work was done there1 and some odd jobs of various kinds--even the engraving of spoons sometimes--all of which ,i learned to do4 ,in fact ,i learned to do anything and everything there as well as anybody1 and before long received a larger salary1 though never anything very imposing4 ,i considered the time well spent1 however1 for ,i was perfecting myself in drawing1 and when out of office studied languages and read much4 ,i was happy--happier than ,i had ever been in my life1 for ,i was out of the wretchedness that prevailed at home1 and was treated with politeness and respect by everybody4 8,among the patrons of our establishment with whom ,i came in contact was ,mr4 ,doring4 ,he made no particular impression on me1 until an epidemic came and his three children fell victims to it and died4 ,then as ,i heard considerable talk about his sorrow in the office1 ,i tried to express my sympathy when next ,i saw him4 8,nearly a year passed when the community was startled by the announcement that his wife had died suddenly and suspiciously1 and he had been arrested as her murderer4 ,as in all such cases1 some considered the accusation preposterous1 and others believed in it with vindictive energy1 and clamored for his punishment4 ,i was indignant at their gross cruelty and expressed my opinion freely--too freely1 ,i was told4 ,he was tried and acquitted1 but his acquittal did not set him right in the eyes of many of his townspeople4 ,they talked over the circumstances1 magnifying all the suspicious indications and inventing new ones1 and they treated him to cuts1 contemptuous looks and other expressions of malevolence1 until they almost broke him down4 ,you know there are human beings who bitterly resent it when a sensation doesn't develop into the last phase of the horrible1 and of such that town was largely composed4 8,a few days after his acquittal ,doring came into our office and thanked me warmly for my kind expressions of faith in his innocence1 of which it seems he had been told4 ,he looked haggard and ill1 and at sight of him ,i felt renewed indignation at the cruelty of man to man1 and ,i said so as earnestly as ,i could4 8,about that time ,i began to notice something queer in the faces of people when they talked about ,doring to me4 ,i could not read it clearly1 but that it was inimical to me ,i soon discovered4 ,it was something they pretended to conceal1 yet really wanted to make conspicuously noticeable4 ,it was a suspicion of a low order1 but what8 ,the man was nothing to me more than any other victim of injustice4 ,what had ,i to do with him and his sorrowful affairs8 8,i am intuitive and sensitive4 ,as soon as ,i began to notice this unspoken suspicion1 ,i began to look guilty4 ,my face flamed red at the mention of his name or any allusion to the case4 ,you can understand that1 but minds of a lower grade could not4 ,they construed it as a sign of guilt1 yet it was but the knowledge of their offensive thoughts that embarrassed and unsettled me4 ,to know that ,i was suspected made me look confused and guilty4 ,it was always so even when ,i was a child at school4 ,if a culprit were sought1 ,i looked like one4 ,you know1 however1 that most people are mere surface readers of others1 and nothing in the world is so little understood as a delicate1 sensitive1 high spirit4 ,i who was far removed in thought from that of which ,i was suspected1 crimsoned with horror when ,i encountered this base suspicion in the faces of those who harbored it1 and it made me self-conscious and shy when ,i spoke with ,doring himself4 ,in short1 it ate into me and destroyed my peace4 8,in a little while the air grew black with it4 ,all pretence of concealment was abandoned1 and significant looks blossomed into speech4 ,they said ,doring and ,i were infatuated with each other1 and that he had killed his wife in order to be able to marry me1 and that ,i had put him up to it4 ,the vilest and falsest tales were circulated about us4 ,the miserable local newspapers printed thinly-veiled insinuations1 and fool friends came and poured abhorrent stories into my ears4 8,the brutal malevolence of their lies amazed as well as horrified me4 ,i could not see what ,i had done to bring such an avalanche of malice upon me4 ,you may imagine what ,i suffered4 ,alone1 and with a heart that had in it originally nothing but good will for everybody1 this cruel experience almost withered me for life4 8,i longed to leave the accursed place which now seemed peopled with devils4 ,driven almost to desperation1 at last ,i went forth to find a spot untainted by the hatred that there had destroyed my peace4 ,i came here to ,gougal's great engraving house1 and with nothing in the way of help or influence from anybody1 asked for employment and got it4--#8,ask and ye shall receive' being a true law4 ,here ,i have been ever since1 almost happy--at least not miserable4 8,but this is not all my story4 ,the difficult part is to come4 ,a few days before ,i left ,mr4 ,doring came into the office where ,i was at work and told me that he loved me4 ,i was surprised and startled1 and yet ,i listened gladly1 and the story sounded sweet to me4 ,it seemed to me that ,i had always loved him1 though ,i don't know why1 for ,i am sure ,i had not thought of it before4 ,we were both victims of unjust and malicious public opinion1 so perhaps it was natural that we turned to each other for consolation1 though ,i have often wondered since what it was that suddenly filled my mind with love for a man who1 until that moment was no more to me than any other4 ,are the words #8,i love you' so potent that they can create responsive love8 ,in no sense is he my ideal1 but the feeling that came into life when he spoke those words to me has dominated me from that hour1 though ,i have never seen him since that day4 ,i have wondered if he loved me before that scandal came upon him1 and if1 in some mysterious way1 people found it out and constructed their tales according to their light on such situations8 ,or whether their stories put it into his head1 and if so1 through what occult channels was it communicated to me8 ,i am almost persuaded that it was brought about somehow by the accusations of the community in which we lived4 ,somebody put out the suggestion1 it reached his mind and there sprouted1 took root and grew until it was strong enough to transplant a counterpart of itself to mine1 for ideas are transmissible1 you know4 ,ah6 if we but knew the mystery of mind we should know all there is to know1 perhaps4 8,after ,i came away1 ,doring left too4 ,he writes me constantly1 and is now urging me strongly to marry him4 ,i believe that ,i love him1 and the knowledge that he loves me sustains me4 ,merely thinking about it keeps me from being lonely4 ',tis said that love is life2 that even the love of a bird or a dog will keep a human being alive4 ,you and others have wondered why ,i am apparently so contented and cheerful and want no lovers1 only good comrades4 ,it is because my heart is anchored4 8,and yet ,i shrink from marrying ,doring4 ,it would mean the stirring up of all the now stagnant pools of scandals4 ,i am content to go on as ,i am1 for a time at least1 finding my joy in the thoughts of being loved2 but he is not willing4 ,he says he has waited long enough--that the matter must be decided one way or the other very soon4 ,when ,i think of giving him up1 of putting it all out of my life and plodding on with nothing to sustain me1 ,i feel that ,i can't do it4 ,unhappily1 ,i am one of those miserable beings who are loyal by nature and cannot help it if they would4 ,an affection becomes a part of me1 and can't be put off without disaster to the whole structure4 8,this love has absorbed me to the extent of destroying my ambition to achieve something excellent with pen or pencil4 ,what dreams have ,i not woven around this central idea--dreams impossible of fulfilment1 yet nearly as blissful as reality4 8,in a few days ,mr4 ,doring will be here4 ,he has written me that he intends to come to talk over our future4 ,so you shall see him40 99 99 99 99 99 ,one evening soon after as ,westfield was returning to the house he met ,miss ,hill accompanied by a stranger4 8,it is ,doring10 he said1 and his heart sank4 ,intuitive moments come to all of us1 when the hidden is revealed1 when souls stand naked before our eyes1 stripped of the cloaks and without the props which make them fair and imposing to ordinary perception4 ,such a moment came to ,westfield1 and he saw ,louis ,doring with an inner sight to which everything was made plain1 and as he looked his face grew white to the lips and his eyes became fixed and glassy like those of the dead4 8,god help her10 he groaned inwardly1 as he passed on4 8,the man is a fool--a stupid1 brainless1 flabby character--a dull dolt with regular features and a straight figure made imposing by the tailor's skill1 and a selfish heart4 ,exactly the kind of beast that can dazzle women as brainless as himself4 ,but how has he bewitched her8 ,why do ,i ask1 when ,i know that the destinies of the grandest and sweetest souls1 a grim and perverse fate often rules8 ,the #8highest suffer most1' the #8strongest wander farthest and most hopelessly are lost4' 8,how can ,i bear it8 ,it crucifies me to know that that wax-faced1 tailor-made biped has been carried in her mind as a hero and worshipped4 ,and now after years of deception he will destroy her whole life4 8,i see how it came about4 ,the scandal invented by the community suggested it to him--sowed the seeds in both their heads4 ,we live under the influence of suggestion of one kind or another all the time4 ,what is the force of public opinion but this on a gigantic scale8 ,the wretch has sighed and maundered and posed before her about his sufferings until he awoke her sympathy1 and he will hang on to her and will not give her up because he is attracted by the magnetism of her strength of character4 ,and she1 deluded soul1 idealizes him1 endows him with splendid qualities--in short1 sees in him that which is in herself4 ,she will go straight to her destruction1 and ,i can't save her4 ,until ,i saw him ,i believed the best of him2 but now ,i know what is before her if she should marry him4 ,it will be like awaking from a blissful trance--it will be just that4 ,o my heart of light6 ,o1 my tall young pine6 ,the tragedy of your life is more than ,i can bear40 ,going hastily to his room he made ready and tore away to the country for a few days4 8,i could not endure to see the creature again10 he said1 as his train pulled out of the station4 ,when he returned everything was going on as usual at the house1 yet nothing was the same to him1 nor could it ever be again4 ,he did not speak of ,doring to ,miss ,hill1 but she herself went back to the subject1 chiding him for going away4 8,i saw ,mr4 ,doring10 he answered1 curtly1 8and didn't like him4 ,you may think my opinion of him is colored by jealousy1 but ,i am sure it is not4 ,i hope you will never marry him40 8,well1 ,i have not yet decided to marry him10 she said4 8,if you have not given him up entirely it will end that way at last4 ,you are merely temporizing with the situation1 and it will master you40 8,probably10 she said1 wearily1 and then they spoke of it no more4 99 99 99 99 99 ,not long after1 ,westfield went away4 ,when he was gone she felt a sense of desolation new in her experience4 ,he was so good a comrade4 ,why had he been so foolish as to leave8 ,could men and women never be good comrades--only lovers1 or nothing8 99 99 99 99 99 ,the days went on apparently as though there had never been a ,westfield1 though the other members of the household thought ,miss ,hill was not quite like herself1 that perhaps she was fonder of ,westfield than she had believed herself to be1 and regretted him4 ,brooks was strongly inclined to this opinion1 though when he talked with his wife about it he drubbed ,westfield soundly4 8,blast the fool10 he said1 8what could she do but let him go1 even if she were fond of him8 ,what woman not an idiot would think of marrying ,westfield1 who is simply a charming failure1 a penniless1 indifferent1 intellectual tramp80 ,in truth they were half right in their surmises4 ,the old content had vanished4 ,she missed the intellectual sympathy of ,westfield1 and ,doring kept her restless with his importunings4 ,she read his letters by the light of her own integrity1 and therefore saw not the rank selfishness of the writer1 who was vain and dull1 but persistent to a degree that made him formidable as a wooer4 ,he had recourse to all the selfish arguments of little souls4 ,he said he was so perturbed in mind that he could not get on in anything1 consequently in danger of financial ruin1 and hinted darkly at suicide4 ,a crisis had come to her4 ,forces within and without were wrestling over her destiny4 ,unseen hands were pushing her4 ,at times she determined to marry ,doring at all risks1 and thus settle the problem1 but the decision did not bring peace1 as decisions should4 ,a sickening sense of imminent disaster followed1 and she was at sea again4 ,weeks rolled into months1 and the chaotic misery of her mind was making her look worn and ill4 ,a day came at last in which the genius of her fate cast the die4 8,the pursuit of happiness is a constitutional privilege1 even for women4 ,at least one has the right to choose the particular form of misery one prefers4 ,now ,fate10 she said1 8,i am tired4 ,take you the reins and guide4 ,what ,i am to meet1 ,i must meet1 and no shrinking or hesitating will avail against the inevitable40 ,and so she too1 went away1 never to return4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,end ,,of ,,the ,,dream4 8,o shaven priest that pratest of souls1 ,knowest thou not that men are moles ,that blindly grope and burrow8 ,the field that is grey shall be green again2 ,but whether with grass or whether with grain1 ,he knoweth who turns the furrow40 ,miss ,cartice ,hill had been ,mrs4 ,louis ,doring six months1--a little portion of time1 yet long enough to destroy all her illusions1 and arouse her from her trance4 ,the man she had idealized and loved for four years was a different person from him who was now her husband4 ,day by day the awakening had been going on1 until his character stood revealed before her in repellent nudity1 with all its pitiable defects unconcealed1 and the worst of it was that he was not ashamed4 ,a brilliant rascal usually has some qualities that command respect1 however abominable his knavish ones1 but ,doring's defects were the contemptible frailties of a fool4 ,his wife had expected intellectual companionship1 but she found his even-featured face a mask over dull nothingness1 a shield for the emptiness of his mind4 ,when the full force of this discovery came upon her it covered her with humiliation and destroyed her self-confidence and self-respect1 nor did these qualities ever return to her in their former strength in all the future years4 ,to have made so fatal a blunder shook her faith in her own wisdom forever4 ,how was it that she had been blind and now saw8 ,who had woven the spell which had glorified its object from afar8 ,she had been her own enchanter1 though she knew it not4 ,in him she had seen only that which was within herself1 until forced to see him as he really was4 ,two days after their marriage her husband said to her1 8,cartice1 do you have any money80 8,yes10 she answered1 pleasantly4 8,how much80 8,i don't know4 ,see10 and she handed him her purse4 ,he took it and counted fifty dollars4 8,is that all80 he asked1 in a disappointed voice4 8,as you had only yourself to support you should have saved money40 8,i did save some10 she said1 turning pale4 8,where is it80 ,she told him4 8,i guess we shall have to use it right now10 he said4 8,some business ventures of mine have not begun to pay yet1 so it's a good thing we have this ready money40 ,from time to time she checked out the little capital that represented years of self-denial1 until it was all gone4 ,in the meantime she learned that the 8business ventures0 were airy nothings1 having no existence outside of empty words4 ,what he had done in the past four years she never knew1 as he had nothing to show for the time1 not a foothold anywhere4 ,they floated about until her money was gone1 without definite aim and without effort on his part to change conditions4 ,to her it seemed a steady journey to destruction4 ,their marriage had revived the story of his trial for murder1 and other dark stories were added thereto and published in vile newspapers throughout the country4 ,some of these came to ,cartice's hands by accident1 and some by the foul designs of wretches who find pleasure in giving pain4 ,in these infamous columns she saw herself described as a bold and scheming adventuress1 who had obtained an unholy influence over a hitherto blameless man1 inciting him to murder and ruining him financially as well as morally4 8,i have heard newspapers called civilizers10 she said1 8but such as these should be called heart-breakers40 ,that experience did break her heart1 since we have no other name for the loss of all joy in living4 ,it wrought a pitiful change in her4 ,her bright mobile face became set1 rigid and unreadable4 8,oh1 but to hide from the eyes of men0 is ever the cry of the proud spirit when suffering4 ,when this cannot be done1 it makes for itself a mask behind which its wounded pride and aching heart take shelter4 ,the mask which ,cartice ,doring then put on was so impenetrable that it repelled any meddling with or probing into what lay beneath4 ,it was her shield against that most merciless of all weapons1 the human eye1 and she wore it for many and many a day and could not cast it off4 ,every heart1 however self-sufficient its outward bearing1 craves sympathy1 that precious and potent power which holds the universe together1 yet so little faith have we in the compassion of our fellows that nothing in hours of anguish is so dreaded as their gaze4 ,cartice's family discarded her4 ,being loveless by nature and worshippers of the ,monster ,god1 ,self1 they saw her position only in the light that affected them1 by the unpleasant notoriety she had attained1 and showed no consideration for the poor victim of malice4 ,with all this came the humiliation of dire poverty4 ,her money was all spent1 and they could no longer pay for the food and shelter they were receiving in a dingy little hotel in a second-class city4 ,for a time she was kept from sinking under the avalanche of miseries that fell upon her by an illusion to which she held with the clutch of desperation4 ,that was her faith in ,doring's love4 ,feeble of intellect and contemptible of character as she now knew him to be1 she still loved him and believed that he loved her1 not knowing that the power to love is in proportion to intellectual capacity and moral development1 that a weak nature is as wavering in its affections as in other things1 an easy prey to every fulsome word and smile from new sirens4 ,a woman in the hotel made the art of flattering men a business and had had many years practice in it4 ,by way of recompense for what external charms ,time had taken from her1 it had given her considerable skill in her art1 a skill she seldom used without effect4 ,her method of erotic archery was of a coarse and common order1 but as her victims dropped readily enough1 when she twanged her bow1 there was no need to resort to subtler ones4 ,it was her opinion that fine work in her specialty was thrown away upon men1 one and all2 that nothing was too gross for their vanity to feed upon1 and her experiences bore out her theories4 ,doring's symmetrical face and figure caught her fancy1 and she leveled her trusty crossbow at him1 and brought him down with the first arrow1 an albatross to be proud of1 she thought4 ,her work went merrily on1 and the unsuspecting ,cartice saw none of it4 ,more experienced eyes did1 however4 ,all the rest of the women in the house were aware of it1 and some of the bolder ones undertook the delicate work of opening ,mrs4 ,doring's eyes4 ,while they veiled their good intentions in indirect phraseology she would not see it1 and when they came down to plain speech she resented it as a thing absurd and impossible4 ,they went away with ruffled feathers1 but predicting a day of doom for her in the near future1 when something would happen that would make her see4 ,they were true prophets1 for the day was at hand4 ,as she was passing through the hall in the twilight she came upon two figures clasped in each other's arms under the broad stairway4 ,they were her husband and ,mrs4 ,parker1 the distinguished archer4 ,without a word ,cartice walked away from them4 ,in a few minutes ,doring entered her room with the tittering1 airy manner of one who pretends to find himself in a highly humorous situation4 8,well1 ,heart's ,ease1 you caught me flirting a bit1 didn't you80 he gurgled1 making a stagy effort to be facetious4 8,is that flirting80 she asked1 in the most composed and polite voice4 8,why1 yes1 of course4 ,what else could it be80 8,i acknowledge that ,i am so untaught in matters of that kind that ,i do not know the correct names to apply to them10 she said4 8,what would you call it had ,i been in ,mrs4 ,parker's place1 some other man in yours1 and you in mine80 8,nonsense1 child2 that is not to be thought of40 8,yes1 it is10 she said1 determinedly4 8,my idea of marriage1 as ,i have repeatedly told you1 is perfect equality in all things1 neither owning nor dominating the other4 ,i give the fidelity of the heart and expect the same from you4 ,the mere outward appearance of loyalty1 which some wives enforce with a club would be of no value to me4 ,but the conduct reveals the state of the heart4 ,were ,i found in the arms of a man1 receiving and answering his kisses1 it would be because ,i loved him intensely1 devotedly2 and ,i will not judge you by a lower standard than ,i wish to be judged4 ,marriage must mean marriage in the highest and truest sense of the word1 or nothing4 ,now that ,i know you do not love me1 ,i shall not blame you1 for love is not a matter of the will4 ,you shall go free40 8,hang it all1 ,cartice10 said ,doring1 now thoroughly frightened1 8you are not going to be melodramatic about a bit of fooling like that1 are you80 8,a bit of fooling80 she echoed1 unable to understand him4 8,yes4 ,what else do you suppose it could be80 8,i can only suppose that you love ,mrs4 ,parker4 ,otherwise how could you have had her in your arms kissing her80 8,love her8 ,what rubbish4 ,as if a man dreamed of loving every woman he--he found it expedient to kiss40 ,she looked at him too amazed to speak4 ,this was a revelation of man nature that was overwhelming4 ,she was unaware until then of the light value many men set upon constancy and even decency in themselves1 though all prate loud about them as jewels necessary to the adornment of woman's character4 ,she was a genuine ,galatea1 in some respects1 expecting to meet gods and shocked to find the world peopled with men and women of very crude minds4 ,she was engaged in the difficult and pathetic task of trying to idealize the actual4 8,why should a man kiss a woman he does not love80 she asked at last4 8,why80 echoed ,doring1 beginning to think he could flounder out of his dilemma by a little bold bluster4 8,it's a habit most of us have got into1 ,i guess4 ,in this case ,i made up to the old flirt because she so manifestly wanted me to4 ,that was all4 ,i meant nothing by it but to gratify her vanity1 which is on short rations just now1 ,i fancy40 ,this coarse speech made his wife shiver with shame4 ,the man was surely leaving her nothing to respect in himself4 ,as she was silent he thought he was gaining ground and went on3 8,the idea of your being jealous of her6 ,why1 she is old enough to be your mother40 ,meantime ,cartice had rung for a hall boy1 who presently tapped at the door4 ,stepping outside she sent him to ask ,mrs4 ,parker to have the kindness to come and make her a visit4 ,the archer promptly fluttered in1 all smiles1 believing there was only plain sailing ahead4 8,do you love my husband1 ,mrs4 ,parker80 ,cartice asked4 8,why1 what do you mean80 snapped the enraged siren4 8,i must suppose you love him1 because ,i saw you and him kissing each other4 ,i could not kiss a man ,i did not love1 and ,i suppose it must be the same with you and all other self-respecting women4 ,i have been telling him that if you and he love each other1 ,i will not stand in your way4 ,i want to tell you the same40 ,mrs4 ,parker was unaccustomed to this kind of a situation4 ,she was only skilled in slyness1 not in open combat4 ,embarrassed1 she turned to ,doring1 who stood convicted and shrinking1 unable to defend himself or her4 8,mr4 ,doring10 she said--her voice was dry and nervous--8you should have explained to your wife that we saw her coming and made a foolish attempt to tease her40 8,he explains it differently10 said ,cartice1 quietly4 8,he says you seemed to expect some demonstration of affection from him1 and he #8made up to you1' as he calls it1 because not to do so would be to disappoint and mortify you40 ,then ,parker turned to ,doring swelling with rage and chagrin1 fire and flame darting from her eyes1 and then1 without a word flounced out of the room1 and early the next day left the hotel4 ,doring1 a victim of the cowardice for which his sex is noted when entrapped1 began to breathe freer4 ,he sent a snort of derision after the retreating charmer4 8,there1 the sentimental old lady will not trouble us again1 ,i fancy10 he said1 with the air of one who sees the end of a disagreeable affair4 8,that may be10 said his wife1 sadly1 8but it cannot put us back in our old places40 8,what do you mean80 8,is it necessary to explain what is so clear8 ,this affair has changed my attitude toward you entirely4 ,it has killed my confidence in your honesty1 and revealed your character to me in a new light4 ,i can never be the same to you as before40 ,thoroughly frightened he began to cast about for bigger straws to catch at4 ,his wife took on new value in his eyes4 ,an hour or so before he had commiserated himself for being tied to her1 and had wondered why a being so superior as he had ever been attracted to one so ordinary as she4 ,now he wanted to keep her at all costs4 ,he was one to whom blessings brightened astonishingly as they took their flight4 8,you don't mean to say you would leave me for a trifle like that1 ,cartice8 ,it would be ridiculous4 ,everybody would laugh at you4 ,why1 that little episode is nothing4 ,you should know some of the really reprehensible things married men do and think nothing of it4 ,men don't bother much about loyalty and the finer moralities1 ,i assure you4 ,they're good enough for women1 but men can't walk that kind of a line1 you know4 ,your ideas are too depressingly antique for the age you live in40 8,what men do and what other women accept cannot change my idea of what constitutes marriage4 ,i will not be a party to a contract kept only by one of the two interested4 ,i have seen women whose husbands violated every canon of decency going on patiently1 under the delusion that they were doing a virtuous thing4 ,to my mind they were encouraging vice4 ,kisses represent feelings4 ,one kisses because one loves4 ,i could not kiss a man ,i did not love because it would be repulsive4 ,one is loyal1 not because of a sense of duty1 but because one loves2 or disloyal because one has ceased to love40 8,anyway1 ,cartice1 don't leave me or talk about leaving me4 ,you are all ,i have in the world4 ,forgive me1 and love me if you can4 ,i feel mean enough without your contempt40 ,as he said this1 ,doring flung himself on the floor clasping her in his arms and began to weep4 8,he does not understand2 he never will understand--he cannot4 ,he thinks it is something to be forgiven and then to go on as before10 she said1 mentally4 ,anyhow she went on1 but not as before4 ,in that hour her love for her husband had changed its form and face4 ,it had become maternal4 ,all hope that they could make the journey of life as companions on an equal footing was dead4 ,no more painful experience can come to a proud woman than that of seeing that the man she has idealized must be propped up instead of leaned against4 ,the days went relentlessly on for ,cartice ,doring1 as days have a way of doing for everybody4 ,one trouble had grown to proportions so huge that his hateful shape blotted out all the rest1 and his name was ,poverty4 ,the bread of dependence is bitter4 ,every bite to her was heavy as lead4 ,civilization has many tortures2 but it is doubtful if it has any more cruel than this4 ,every waking moment ,cartice racked her brain in the effort to think of some means of earning money1 and at night when she slept her dreams were full of horrors4 ,thoughts of the river obtruded themselves and were driven away only to come back more determined in aspect than before4 ,somewhere she had read that if every suicide would but wait twenty-four hours after determining to end life1 deliverance would come4 ,so she waited1 and the worst depression would pass1 and her courage come slowly back4 ,meantime her husband walked the street in his helpless way seeking employment1 returning at night with the story of failure written on his face4 ,cartice had been used to a busy life1 and the enforced idleness of those depressing days was more of a weariness to both flesh and spirit than the hardest labor would have been4 ,in trying to escape from her own thoughts she sometimes walked long distances4 ,one cold day she was accosted by a woman who asked her to buy some trifle she was selling4 8,i wish ,i could1 but ,i cannot1 for ,i have no money10 said ,cartice4 8,ah1 don't say that10 said the other1 with incredulity and disgust in her voice4 8,so many say it when it isn't true4 ,it is impossible that any one so comfortably dressed as you1 is without money4 ,compare your warm and beautiful wrap with my thin shawl40 8,it is true ,i have a good cloak10 ,cartice answered1 8but ,i am probably poorer than you1 for ,i cannot pay for either my shelter or my food4 ,your position is superior to mine1 for you are trying to earn a livelihood1 while ,i am longing to do so and know not where to begin4 ,and besides poverty ,i have other woes from which ,i hope you are exempt4 ,i tell you this that hereafter you may not judge from appearances4 ,many whom you envy are1 perhaps1 more miserable than yourself40 ,her old childish fancies came back to her sometimes1 and she would half believe that some good fairy would suddenly comfort her and mercifully change everything4 ,and her people--the dear1 kind1 fond1 ever-courteous people of her very own world1 unseen by all who had not sympathetic eyes1 came to comfort her4 ,the inner world in which they dwelt afforded her a refuge when the miseries of the outer one became too heavy4 ,perhaps it was because of much time spent there that she scarcely took on the ways and speech of this world4 ,there was ever something unusual and not easy to understand in her presence1 something that suggested another and a different world4 8,o my own people1 my dear people of my dreams6 ,how far ,i have wandered in my search for others like you clothed in the flesh60 she said1 on returning from a long walk one evening1 as she looked at the dingy hotel where she was obliged to take unwelcome refuge4 ,within was no soul akin to hers1 not one whose words or presence1 in any sense mitigated the deep solitude and loneliness of spirit in which she lived4 ,with it all she was physically wretched4 ,a climate that was ungenial1 a sunless room and a daily diet of anxiety combined had made deep inroads on a physique elastic but never rugged4 ,overstrained nature was giving way4 ,for weeks her body had been racked with pain4 ,fevers came1 tarried awhile and went away to come again1 and languor had taken entire possession of her4 ,one day the culmination came4 ,a neighbor passing her open door saw ,cartice lying helpless on the floor where she had fallen4 ,assistance was called and she was lifted to the bed1 rigid as in death4 8,a congestive chill10 said the doctor4 ,then science and humanity united their efforts to save her from death and succeeded4 ,when her husband came back in the evening1 she was lying powerless to speak and only faintly conscious of being alive4 ,the doctor--may it be a star of great radiance on his breast in the unseen world in which he now dwells--was attentive and kind to a point far beyond the ordinary4 ,he had seen much of life and its inevitable suffering4 ,experience and a heart of exceptional goodness enabled him to read the signs of the sick soul as well as the sick body at a glance4 ,a few days later as he sat by her bedside1 ,cartice edged herself nearer1 and laying one of her slender hands on his1 said1 8,i am grateful to you1 doctor1 very grateful for helping me so much40 ,the words were commonplace enough1 but there were the eyes1 the wonderful eyes1 with their strange power to melt the heart1 gazing into his4 ,the doctor's soul was shaken1 he knew not why4 8,i don't understand it10 he mused as he left the house4 8,what was it that came out of her eyes and unnerved me in a flash1 making me want to cry like a baby40 ,at the memory of that look1 in which the mask of pride fell off and the suffering spirit revealed its anguish1 the tears rushed anew to his eyes4 8,no1 ,i don't understand it10 he repeated1 8but if ,i had been performing a surgical operation of the most delicate and dangerous kind1 and she had looked at me that way1 ,i am afraid ,i should have dropped the knife4 ,what was that indefinable thing ,i saw in her eyes8 ,what was it8 ,if anguish can accumulate for ages and ages and then look out through a pair of eyes1 it was that40 ,days of convalescence came1 bringing the despondency1 gloom and sometimes despair that attack those who have retreated from the edge of the grave before they are quite out of sight of it4 ,cartice sat by her window with the breeze blowing over her1 and it seemed that a thousand years had passed since last she saw the spring4 ,watching the people on the street1 hurrying hither and yon1 she envied them their strength1 their activity1 aims and interests4 ,idle and purposeless1 weary and hopeless1 she sat wondering what she was to do with the rest of her life4 ,by nature she was an outdoor child1 who loved field and forest and brook and hill4 ,the hateful brick walls that stared at her now fatigued her eyes and depressed her spirit4 ,when funeral processions went by she wondered what mystery the narrow black box represented4 ,sable and solemn and dreadful as it all was she envied those who rode in the long black wagon of death4 8,at least they are out of this horror10 she said4 8,if there be another life its conditions cannot be worse than they are here4 ,if there be nothing on the other side of death's silence1 then the problem is very simple40 ,this great problem at the end of life always interested her more than all those to be solved on the journey4 ,if death be an open door to larger activities and happier conditions1 then we should bear with courage whatever comes upon us here1 and go smiling on1 indifferent to pain and disappointment2 but if all our striving and longing1 sorrowing and suffering and loving reach a finality in the grave1 then--no words are strong enough and bitter enough to tell the tragic story of the cheat4 ,cartice had always marveled that many could see their nearest and dearest pass into that dread silence1 and yet put the thought of what it is out of their minds1 and go on pursuing their foolish little pleasures exactly as though the riddle was not for them also to solve4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,the ,,butterfly4 ,well1 may there not be butterflies ,that lift with weary wings the air2 ,that loathe the foreign sun1 which lies ,on all their colors like despair2 ,that glitter1 homesick for the form ,and lost sleep of the worm8 --,s4 ,m4 ,b4 ,piatt4 ,in these trying days the neighbor who came closest in friendship and loving service1 oddly enough1 was the ,butterfly of the house1 ,mrs4 ,layton4 ,she and her husband had a richly furnished suite of rooms near that of the ,dorings4 ,they received many calls1 went out frequently1 and appeared to find life well worth living4 ,mrs4 ,layton was pretty1 was always arrayed as the lilies of the field1 and all male humanity bent the knee before her4 ,cartice's illness had revealed the unsuspected fact that the ,butterfly had a heart as well as a pair of gorgeous wings4 ,she had been astonishingly faithful and kind in her attentions1 and astonishingly efficient too1 so that now1 in the dull days of convalescence the two had become close friends1 the formal wall between them having fallen under the pressure of suffering and sympathy4 ,it was the ,butterfly who had sent for the doctor when ,cartice was found unconscious on the floor1 helped him when he came1 and kept a watchful eye on his patient afterward4 ,nothing makes such close friends as to help and be helped in suffering4 ,we learn to love those to whom we do good4 ,cartice had always found a strange enjoyment in looking at the ,butterfly since she first saw her1 she knew not why4 ,was she beautiful8 ,yes1 she had beauty worthy of a higher order of being than a butterfly4 ,that was the marvel of it1 that she could be a butterfly with a classic profile and the eyes of a mystic--eyes that could see through all masks4 ,now that ,cartice knew her so well the strange attraction increased1 though she could not determine wherein lay her remarkable power to charm4 ,this power1 however1 was acknowledged on all sides1 and many fell under its influence4 ,even on the street1 women as well as men turned to look after her1 though if asked the reason could not have told it4 ,the inexplicable quality we call magnetism belonged to her to an extraordinary degree2 but who can explain what that is8 ,it attracts2 it compels planets as well as persons to follow after it2 but that is all we know about it4 8,mrs4 ,doring10 said the ,butterfly1 one day1 8you must cheer up or you will die4 ,worse than that1 you will make yourself old long before your time4 ,i know it isn't a polite thing to say1 but you look five years older than when you came to this house40 ,the aching heart of the other swelled almost to bursting4 ,the faculty of unburdening herself by friendly confidences had never been hers4 ,something within her stood like a grim sentinel forbidding all outlet1 and though she yearned for sympathy1 could not seek it nor meet it with loosened tongue when it came4 ,the instinct of repression had been fostered by a loveless1 lonely childhood and lifelong habit4 ,not a word could she utter now1 but the eyes1 with their pitiful1 wordless appeal1 their unbearable burden1 turned to the ,butterfly1 and in one never-to-be-forgotten glance laid bare their owner's broken heart4 ,then with a moan she fell forward1 and the long repressed agony burst forth in sobs4 ,the ,butterfly's arms clasped her closely1 her tears fell over her1 and the words she spoke were wiser than a butterfly ever uttered before4 ,the greatest mind could not have devised a better method of cure for the sick soul than the sympathetic instincts of this airy creature suggested4 ,from that hour between those two no fence or wall1 or barrier of any kind existed4 ,they knew each other as we shall all be known when the armors and masks our hypocritical social usages have forced upon us shall be laid aside with our clay garments4 8,dear ,mrs4 ,doring10 said ,mrs4 ,layton1 presently1 8it is not necessary to tell me what troubles you4 ,i know it through sympathy4 ,you are greatly distressed for lack of money4 ,you cannot pay your board1 and you and your husband are strangers here4 ,i dare say you never imagined it1 but my husband and ,i are almost without a cent in the world1 too4 ,we owe this house an immense bill for board1 and ,i am afraid it will never be paid1 for every day the situation grows gloomier4 ,it half kills me to go to the table1 when ,i know that we are not paying for the very food we eat1 and ,i suspect you suffer the same way for the same reason4 ,our outlook is as bad as yours1 only we are not strangers here and you are4 ,yet being known has its disadvantages as well as its advantages4 ,it is hard to be humiliated in the eyes of one's friends4 ,so far our difficulties are not generally known1 but things too bad to think of are ahead of us1 ,i fear4 ,you see ,i pretend to be sunny and happy4 ,i sing and dance and affect to be merry all the time--for that is the best way1 though ,i assure you my heart often weighs a ton40 8,i am astonished10 said ,cartice4 8,i thought you a butterfly out and out1 with no troubles at all40 8,naturally1 ,i believe ,i am4 ,i love the beauties and pleasures of life2 but nobody knows what butterflies are thinking about while they are fluttering around looking so care-free and joyous4 ,i do the butterfly act now with a fell purpose--two fell purposes in fact4 ,i keep others from suspecting that things are going wrong1 and ,i keep myself from dwelling on my troubles4 ,you must learn butterfly philosophy too4 ,you must go out and meet people and make friends1 let yourself out a little and show what is in you40 8,i can't1 dear1 for many reasons10 and ,cartice glanced at her well-worn gown1 and thought of the hopeless condition of her wardrobe4 8,clothes1 eh80 said the other1 going straight to the point4 8,don't worry on that score1 ,i am handy with a needle and can help you tinker up some of your things to look quite fine4 ,i can toss up a delicious little bonnet1 too40 8,but ,i have no heart in anything10 said ,cartice4 8,you don't know all--no2 you don't know all40 8,i know more than you think ,i do4 ,i know precisely what it is to be pitifully disappointed in one's husband1 to find that he is the opposite of what one thought him1 to lose confidence in his ability1 his manliness1 his loyalty and his love40 8,yes1 yes1 that is the hardest of all10 wailed ,cartice1 shaken to the soul to learn that what she believed hidden was written in big letters on the outer walls of her life1 as it were4 8,that1 too1 you must throw off10 said the philosophic ,butterfly4 8,there are few wives who haven't had some of that kind of experience4 ,for the most part men are abominable wretches1 their whole lives made up of deceit and lies4 ,it hurt me cruelly1 cruelly when ,i found it out and just had to believe it in the face of not wanting to2 but now1 well--,i have taught myself not to care very much40 8,it seems to me that a wife only ceases to care when she ceases to love1 and then she ought to give her husband up entirely10 said ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,yes1 it is true2 when one doesn't care it is because one doesn't love one's husband any more4 ,of course1 it would be honester1 more moral and self-respecting to leave him1 but we women are mostly tied up by different kinds of chains1 so that no matter how wide our eyes are opened we usually go right on pretending we don't see1 and so become hypocrites1 too4 ,the whole fabric seems to be pretty much a warp and woof of lies4 ,but ,i don't puzzle much over problems as big and hard as that4 ,i haven't the head for it4 ,i just edge along the easiest way ,i can1 and leave the things ,i don't understand1 and couldn't set right if ,i did1 for others to puzzle over and fix up if they can40 ,cartice was astonished at the ,butterfly's hard trials and airy method of ignoring them4 ,we are always astonished to learn that another has had the same kind of a load to carry that we have borne1 all the more if that other has carried it gaily4 ,it is common to believe our own experiences unique4 8,you are ever so much cleverer than ,i when it comes to things learned out of books10 ,mrs4 ,layton went on1 8,i have very little of what they call learning--too little entirely2 but any one can see that you are well instructed4 ,but when it comes to knowing about people as they are and not as they ought to be1 ,i am far ahead of you1 though ,i am only a month or two older4 ,you are a mere baby in all that1 absolutely blind to what ,i can see across the street2 and you are such an earnest1 honest1 credulous soul that you are bound to have your heart broken dozens of times while you are learning what you ought to know already40 8,how did you learn it all so soon80 8,by experience1 the only school whose lessons we remember4 ,i was married at seventeen and am twenty-four now4 ,one can learn a heap of things in seven years1 with so good a chance as ,i have had40 7,here the ,butterfly's mouth took on a hard and bitter curve1 which told more than her word of what her sad wisdom had cost47 8,that ,i was romantic goes without saying4 ,i believed in the foolish love-stories ,i read and expected life to be like them4 ,were ,i clever like you1 ,i would write books and tell about life as it is and not as novel writers generally pretend it is1 deluding the ignorant and inexperienced4 ,i actually believed there was such a thing as happiness1 and that ,i could secure it in the usual way1 by marrying the man ,i was in love with--otherwise the man who had succeeded in casting a spell over me that caused me to see him through a mist of enchantment1 for that is what it means4 ,but my fool's paradise didn't last long4 ,i soon learned to my sorrow that a man out of a book is not at all like a man in a book4 ,one shock after another came1 until at last nothing could surprise me4 ,after a time my husband began to drink heavily and does yet1 and that is what has brought us to poverty4 ,when he is bad drunk he is ugly and dangerous4 ,in short1 my life is hard and hateful 'way down out of sight40 8,o my friend10 cried ,cartice1 with glistening eyes1 8it is a tragedy1 and ,i thought nobody suffered as ,i do40 ,mrs4 ,layton continued3 8,when ,i married ,i loved him1 was proud of him1 believed in him4 ,now ,i only pity him1 and care for him only as a mother cares for a child4 ,could he read my thoughts his vanity1 should he have any left1 must suffer4 ,such men lose far more than we do1 after all1 but they are so steeped in selfishness1 so besotted in ignorance1 they can't see it4 ,and he has wretched health1 as any one may see4 ,i don't know what the end will be1 and dare not think of it40 8,i wish we could know what such experiences mean10 said ,cartice4 8,what is suffering for8 ,why must it be8 ,we try hard to find the right road2 we do the best we can2 the way looks fair and smooth1 and then from no fault of our own that we can see we are plunged into dark depths4 ,i wish we knew the reason of it1 the purpose of it4 ,i wish we knew40 8,it is rather strange1 ,mrs4 ,doring1 that ,i tell you everything so frankly4 ,i have never been so confidential with any one before4 ,chatterer as ,i appear to be ,i am as proud as ,clara ,vere de ,vere1 and keep my own affairs to myself2 but in talking with you everything bubbles right out1 yet you never ask any questions4 ,i shouldn't mind telling you anything1 even if it wasn't to my credit1 ,i feel so much confidence in you1 and somehow it helps me to tell you4 ,i was attracted to you from the first1 but you were so reserved and unapproachable that if it had not been for this illness of yours1 ,i doubt if we ever should have become so well acquainted4 ,you have a curious effect on me4 ,i couldn't tell a fib to you nor to any one in your presence if ,i wanted to1 and yet it has always been easy to me to tell little bits of lies about things that couldn't hurt any one4 ,i never thought there was any harm in it4 ,but somehow ,i can't do it when you are near1 nor even when ,i think of you1 and ,i shouldn't wonder if ,i gave up the habit altogether4 ,do you remember one day before you got sick1 when several of us were in the parlor and ,i had a new fan and the rest were admiring it80 8,yes40 8,well1 ,mrs4 ,orton asked me how much it cost4 ,of course it's the worst of manners to ask the price of things1 but one meets plenty of impertinent1 ill-bred people as one goes along1 and must be civil to them4 ,i was about to tell her that it cost five dollars1 though it only cost two1 when ,i saw you looking at me1 and quick as a flash out came the truth4 ,you didn't know the price of it1 so ,i wasn't afraid you would catch me in a fib2 but ,i was ashamed not to speak the truth in your presence4 ,your eyes look into one1 deep down inside1 and expect to see everything there sweet and clean and honest1 and ,i could not disappoint them40 8,you can't be half so wicked as you represent yourself1 for you have one of the sweetest faces ,i ever saw1 and one of the most beautiful10 said ,mrs4 ,doring1 with fervent admiration4 ,the ,butterfly lilted out a significant little laugh4 8,yes1 ,i have been told that ,i have an innocent face2 but that is a freak of nature1 for ,i am not innocent4 ,i am tolerably--yes1 tolerably well informed on some subjects1 and ,i do one thing that you will consider abominable1 ,i flirt40 8,dear friend1 do tell me exactly what it is to flirt10 ,cartice asked1 entreatingly4 ,she remembered that her husband had taken refuge in that word on the occasion of the affair with ,mrs4 ,parker4 ,the ,butterfly looked at her pityingly4 8,if any other woman asked me that question10 she said1 8,i should be sure she was a villain of the deepest dye1 and was affecting ignorance in order to pull the wool over my eyes2 but you are such a muff about such things that ,i can readily believe you don't know4 ,it isn't very easy to explain4 ,words can't describe it very well4 ,not mincing matters in my case it's making a bid for the attention of men and getting it40 8,politeness demands that ladies receive attention from gentlemen10 said the unsophisticated ,mrs4 ,doring1 innocently4 8,my benighted friend1 your name should be ,galatea4 ,i don't mean mere polite attention1 but particular attention1 sentimental1 lover-like attention1 with a strong flavor of danger in it40 ,cartice began to understand4 8,what comes of it80 she asked4 ,a shrug of ,mrs4 ,layton's graceful shoulders4 8,nothing1 often4 ,sometimes--well1 there are extraordinary cases1 and at the beginning it's best not to think of the end40 8,what do you get out of it80 ,another shrug4 8,come to think of it1 nothing particular1 unless it be distraction40 8,and those who flirt with you1--how do they come out80 8,some of them have the bad taste to become serious1 which makes it rather awkward4 ,then they have to be sent off for good1 and perhaps they wail about bruised hearts and such like1 which ,i don't mind4 ,they never get a whack amiss4 ,what ,i don't owe them some other woman does4 ,i only help to even up for women in general40 8,but you might grow serious1 too1 some time40 8,i am not afraid1 because ,i have no heart any more4 ,it is as dead as the traditional door-nail4 ,i can dance nearer the edge of a precipice than anybody else and keep my head40 8,some do go over1 don't they80 8,yes2 poor fools with hearts who ought not to play in that kind of a game40 8,it is something ,i know nothing whatever about1 but it appears to be both perilous and unprofitable10 said ,cartice4 8,you are quite right in your conclusion4 ,the liquor habit is also perilous and unprofitable1 yet the man addicted to it keeps right on in it4 ,one must do something to keep from remembering certain other things4 ,with me it's a case of keeping my mind off misery4 ,i got into it because in the first year of my married life my husband neglected me shamefully1 spending most of his time with a mincing little woman who posed for goodness itself4 ,for a time ,i broke my heart over it2 all women do4 ,then ,i braced up and began to administer his own medicine to him1 only not in such repugnantly large doses4 ,we all do things it would be better not to do1 because somebody else does us an injury4 ,we get into one trouble in trying to escape from another4 ,it's merely a matter of choice between the frying pan and the fire1--a puzzle far too deep for my light head to work on40 99 99 99 99 99 ,nothing is accidental4 ,we meet the people we are destined to meet1 and with their help or hindrance work out our problem1 be it hard or easy4 ,the most feather-weight of mortals may prove our greatest teacher4 ,in whose keeping we shall find the most precious treasures we know not4 ,but it was written in the great unopened book that the ,butterfly was to be help and healing to the bruised heart of ,cartice ,doring1 and to bear a torch which should light for her the very darkest page of life4 ,when affairs are at their worst a change has to come4 ,misery itself does not stand still4 ,it moves slowly1 nevertheless it moves4 ,the finances of the ,laytons and ,dorings had reached the stage of desperation4 ,colonel ,layton found the situation too grave to face without frequent liquefactions4 ,the result was that he escaped facing it altogether1 for he forgot it completely during the day1 and at night went into a stupor too profound for landlords or other monsters to invade4 ,the ,butterfly and ,cartice thought of a means of extricating themselves at last4 ,they decided to leave the hotel1 take lodgings and eat1 ,bohemian fashion1 when they could pay for it1 and fast when they had no money4 ,they found furnished rooms1 side by side1 which they provided with some tiny traps for cooking1 by selling some of the ,butterfly's personal treasures4 ,to the surprise of the others1 ,colonel ,layton volunteered to go daily to market and bring in supplies for both families1 a task he performed for some time with a faithfulness not natural to his character1 which was uncertain and ease-loving to the last degree4 ,he went early and returned loaded like a porter4 ,among his purchases1 cream cheese in liberal quantities was always a certainty4 ,this was the bait that lured him to the market4 ,he had a boyish fondness for it1 and like a boy was willing to go out of his way to get it4 ,cartice and the ,butterfly rejoiced in each other more and more every day4 ,they shared their money and whatever else they possessed freely1 and the unqualified frankness of their confidences was salvation for them4 ,to tell a trouble to sympathetic ears is1 in a measure1 to throw it off4 ,repression kills1 but expression is life4 ,the seed that sends a plant upward from the earth expresses itself4 ,were conditions such that it could not do so1 it would die and rot away in the darkness4 ,the blessed ,butterfly1 whose extraordinary baptismal name of ,chrissalyn1 fitted her so exquisitely1 had a far nobler mission in the world than she herself dreamed4 ,mrs4 ,doring continued to search for the meaning of things4 ,she had sought happiness and found wretchedness1 and in the first anguish of disappointment failed to see that she was not the only one who had had a fruitless quest4 ,there was the ,butterfly whose experience was the same1 and many others1 now that she thought of it4 ,perhaps all had more or less disappointment were their inner lives known4 ,dimly she began to see that the pursuit of happiness could not be the true purpose of life1 though all the world assumed that it was4 ,her dream of conjugal companionship had vanished altogether4 ,there were times when she hated her husband1 times when she pitied him1 times when she despised him1 and times when she tried to believe that she loved him1--must love him or die4 ,had any soul in the universe so yearned for love as she and been from birth so stinted of it8 ,behind the immobile mask that hid her proud1 suffering heart from other eyes1 her soul cried for it4 ,what could not she have endured1 with a laugh on her face and a song on her lips1 had love walked by her side8 ,could poverty or any other terror which civilization has nursed daunt her then8 ,no1 a thousand times no1 she said4 ,her own troubles diminished1 however1 in the presence of the heavier ones under which ,chrissalyn now staggered4 ,colonel ,layton was going down hill distressingly fast1 and nothing could be done to save him4 ,his health was broken1 his wits muddled and wandering most of the time1 and the end of his resources at hand4 ,he had let go his anchorage and was drifting to his destruction1 careless of wind or tide4 ,meantime the brave ,butterfly smiled before the world and chatted cheerily when her friends called1 though with her heart in her mouth1 and her ear ever alert for her husband's wavering footsteps4 ,when she heard the unwelcome sound1 she made excuse and went outside to intercept his entrance4 ,usually at such times he was pathetically obedient1 and sat where she placed him1 in some vacant room or dark corner of the hall1 till her visitors left and she came for him4 ,to be sure he complained and whined and swore in a rambling way without rage1 yet when ,chrissalyn came he went with her like a worn out child4 ,however1 he was not always so tractable4 ,there were times when he blustered and threatened1 and his eyes had a light dancing in them that made one's blood run cold4 ,one night ,mrs4 ,doring could not sleep1 a sense of impending danger oppressed her4 ,getting up and putting on a wrapper1 she went to a window and looked into the street4 ,all was still1 and yet somewhere she fancied she heard mutterings4 ,on going into the hall she saw the ,laytons' door open1 the lights at full flare1 and1 to her surprise1 the colonel1 fully dressed1 sitting in the doorway whetting a razor1 with a slow1 sibilant stroke1 which seemed to give him extraordinary pleasure1 for he smiled in a gratified way and his eyes twinkled like stars4 ,there was no fury in his face1 but something far more dreadful--the look of a lunatic who meditates a deed he considers delightful4 ,sitting by the window1 opposite the door1 was ,chrissalyn1 clad only in her sleeping gown1 with a face white and rigid1 and a pistol held firmly in her hand4 ,at sight of the scene ,cartice grew cold with fright2 but she went close to ,colonel ,layton and was about to speak1 when1 without pausing in his razor whetting1 he said1 gently1 8,go away1 now1 ,mrs4 ,doring1 and come back a little later if you want to40 ,in spite of the apparently innocent words1 she felt that behind them lurked some terrible intention4 ,if she called help the arrival of others might precipitate whatever horror lurked in his mad mind4 ,chrissalyn heard everything but said nothing1 and her silence was eloquently ominous4 8,why should ,i come again if ,i go away80 she asked1 thinking to lead his mind from the work in hand4 ,shrugging his shoulders significantly1 he said1 8,merely to see sights10 and then laughed the low satisfied laugh of one who knows and enjoys things his listener dreams not of4 8,what sights80 ,another shrug4 ,his vanity1 ever strong1 overcame his secretiveness1 and he could not refrain from boasting of his intended exploits4 8,the last of ,chrissalyn and me10 he said1 presently1 with a chuckle4 8,i'm tired of the whole damned business of living1 and shall give it up1 but ,i shan't leave her behind me4 ,oh1 no6 ,she goes first40 ,though chilled to the marrow at this cool statement1 whose truth the scene and the hour confirmed1 ,cartice pretended to put no stress upon it4 ,hurriedly racking her brains for some pretence for her call and pretext for his services1 she said1 8,i'm sorry to trouble you just now1 ,colonel1 but ,louis is very sick1 and ,i want you to go and ring up ,barton's night clerk and get some whiskey for him as soon as you can4 ,you are always so kind and obliging2 ,i'm sure you won't mind my bothering you40 ,he was ever the most easily flattered creature4 ,then1 too1 there was magic for him in the word whiskey4 8,you'll go1 won't you80 she asked1 entreatingly1 as he made no answer4 8,yes1 yes1 of course10 he replied1 absently holding the razor close to his eyes and looking critically at its edge1 but making no move4 8,you will excuse me if ,i beg you to make haste1 please10 she continued4 8,poor ,louis is in a wretched state40 ,he got up slowly1 took his hat and began to waver about the room1 still holding the open razor in his hand4 ,as he moved toward ,chrissalyn she raised the hand that clutched the pistol1 and her eyes had a steady1 determined look that said she would defend herself to the death4 8,come1 ,colonel10 cried ,cartice1 apparently in good-natured haste1 8,i hear ,louis groaning4 ,please go as quickly as you can40 ,he laid the razor down and went out and down the stairs as docile as a dog4 ,chrissalyn fell forward in a dead faint4 ,when she returned to consciousness1 limp and pale1 and ,cartice suggested taking her into her apartment1 lest the ,colonel return1 she smiled feebly1 saying1 8,there is no danger4 ,he will not be back in ten or twelve hours4 ,you probably think this scene unusual1 but its like has occurred several times before4 ,once ,i had to shoot1 and the ball went through his hat4 ,the shock of it was almost too much for me1 for ,i thought ,i had killed him40 8,my poor ,chriss1 you must leave him1 and not run such risks any more4 ,one such experience is enough to make you grey-headed40 8,i stay on because ,i can do no other thing1 and if ,i could ,i should stay to take care of him1 poor1 helpless1 wandering soul that he is4 ,he will come home to-morrow weak as a baby1 go to bed and lie there helpless for weeks40 ,she was a true prophet4 ,at midnight of the next day he crept wearily up the stairs1 a feeble1 disheveled1 miserable figure1 with a pale1 peaked face1 and faded1 watery eyes4 ,taking refuge in bed1 he arose no more for over a month4 ,these days of terror and anxiety were telling seriously on the ,butterfly1 ever a fragile being1 who hung to earth seemingly by the most delicate thread4 ,the pity of it was that she loved life so4 ,even as it had disclosed itself to her1 full of disappointment1 of tragedy1 heartache and humiliation1 with want menacing her daily and trouble elbowing her at every step1 still she loved it4 ,her ideal was not particularly exalted4 ,given pretty clothes and surroundings1 a few pleasant friends1 a modest retinue of moths to circle round her and a few gold pieces to jingle in her purse1 and she could squeeze joy out of life still4 ,but remember she was a butterfly4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,opportunity4 8,a new friend is a new fortune40 ,you have sometimes known happiness1 eh8 ,yes1 the happiness of others4 --,aresene ,houssaye4 ,one ,sunday morning ,mrs4 ,doring sat at a window1 making a sketch of a figure she saw on the opposite side of the street1 when ,chrissalyn1 who had entered by the open door1 went near and looked over her shoulder with the familiarity of close friendship4 8,why1 how wonderful60 she exclaimed1 the most flattering admiration in her voice and face4 8,that's ,gabriel ,norris1 the street preacher1 a local celebrity4 ,you've done him to perfection--even better than he looks himself--that is1 ,i see something in his expression here that ,i never saw in him1 and yet ,i believe he has it after all4 ,the picture brings it out strong4 ,i can't tell just what it is1 but it makes me want to cry40 ,the eyes of the sketcher glowed with an indescribable light--the light which the intangible1 potent1 holy thing we call appreciation calls from the depths of human souls4 ,to portray nature so that the most heedless and untaught see the soul of the subject and are able for the moment to roam about in that awesome country1--with the artist1 and feel his heart-throbs--is ever the dream of art4 ,by the effect of her work on the ,butterfly1 ,cartice realized that in this modest drawing she had accomplished this4 8,there1 he is moving on and the boys he has been talking to are going with him10 said ,chrissalyn1 leaning out of the window4 8,he preaches every ,sunday morning at the ,south ,market1 and is probably on his way there now4 ,he is a queer fellow1 though he belongs to a rich and respectable family who are greatly mortified at his peculiar doings4 ,but he hasn't lived with them for ten years1 nor taken a cent from them4 ,he has a little cobbler's shop away down town in the very ugliest part of the city1 and supports himself making and mending shoes1 and does excellent work1 they say4 ,on ,sundays1 and other odd times he preaches to people who are too poor to go to church1 and does lots of other things for them besides4 ,you see he is cheaply dressed1 though as clean as a pin4 ,he could have better clothes1 but doesn't want them--has views about such things--says he does not want to be separated from the people he tries to help by being better dressed than they are4 ,of course he is an out-and-out crank1 but wasn't always so4 ,a dozen years ago nobody was fonder of the good things of the world4 ,he was the leader of the very swellest social doings4 ,all at once he took a turn in the opposite direction--said he had been wasting his life1 and was going to put what remained of it to some use4 ,some say an unlucky love affair set him off2 others that he had a dream or vision that changed him4 ,at this very moment ,i dare say his father and family are rolling to church--the swellest church here--in their fine carriage4 ,but ,gabriel preaches against the rich--or at least against the selfish use they make of their money1 and prophesies no end of difficulty for them here and hereafter if they keep on as they are going4 ,i have always laughed at him1 but ,i never shall again1 because your picture of him gives me a queer thrill and lets me see into him as ,i never did before4 ,but how did you get the features1 the expression1--everything so perfect1 seeing him only from the window80 8,i saw him a few days ago1 with his head bare1 just as ,i have him here1 preaching to a little group on a street corner10 said ,cartice4 8,i stopped a moment to listen1 and his face has been often in my mind since4 ,so when ,i saw him from the window1 this morning1 talking to the boys1 ,i hurried to make a sketch of him40 ,then looking up1 with an eager light in her mottled eyes1 she said1 8,chrissalyn1 let us go and hear him4 ,you say he speaks to the poor4 ,we are of them4 ,who needs help more8 ,let us go40 ,the ,butterfly gave but a grudging consent4 ,she was the natural enemy of all serious instruction4 ,as they went she babbled on about ,gabriel ,norris3 8,as he was bent on preaching1 his father wanted him to go to a theological college and be shaped up into a first-class regulation preacher1 wear the correct thing in clothes1 have a fashionable church1 gilt-edged ,bible1 velvet pulpit cushions1 fat salary and everything that goes to make preaching respectable2 but ,gabriel wouldn't have it that way4 ,he said there was more than enough of that kind of thing2 that what he wanted to say to people had nothing in common with theological factories1 and as for pulpit cushions and the like they were abominations in the sight of the ,lord2 that ,jesus had none of them1 nor would he have40 ,the scene at the market-house was one to take hold upon the heart4 ,the people who sat there on rude benches were all from the bitter land of indigence4 ,its hard conditions were written in their faces1 their poor garments1 stooping shoulders1 weary and awkward attitudes4 ,many women were there1 for women are ever found where a word of promise and hope is to be spoken1 and that fact is eloquent of what they suffer1 of the bitterness of their disappointments1 of the weight of their sorrows1 of the hunger of their hearts and the yearning of their spirits4 ,before the preacher had spoken ten minutes ,cartice was under the spell of his oratory1 which was simple1 strong and sympathetic4 ,it wasn't preaching4 ,it was the life-giving1 hope-inspiring talk of a loving friend1 and it went to the hearts of his hearers and there awoke nobler aspirations4 ,he said nothing of seeing evil in them4 ,instead1 he told them how good they were--much better and higher than they themselves had dreamed2 that possibilities of wonderful and beautiful growth were in every one of them2 that they had an eternity in which to grow1 and on themselves depended their well-being now and forever4 ,it was good to see the light of self-respect come into their dull eyes under the potent spell of the young preacher's earnest words4 ,some of them had shrunk internally to almost nothing1 under the blight of the self-depreciation which close intimacy with grinding poverty begets4 ,now their souls began to gather confidence and stand erect1 conscious of their own value4 8,my dear ones10 he said1 8don't make the blunder of thinking that the aim of life is to be happy4 ,do not spend your time hunting happiness1 seeking it where it never was and never will be--in the external things of life1 in possessions that pass even while you use them1 in pleasures that leave a bitter taste in the mouth and a regret in the heart4 ,i doubt not that our ,divine ,father intended us to be happy1 but not in the way we imagine4 ,his way is so very clear and simple1 and yet we are so blind we see it not1 and wander in such hard paths1 and lose ourselves often4 ,it is to love each other4 ,ever so brief a trial of this way proves it the true one4 ,but to love each other does not mean to love only your own families1 your friends and those who treat you well4 ,it means to love everybody1 even your enemy4 ,when you love your enemy1 a miracle happens4 ,he ceases to be your enemy4 ,love always and to the end4 8,when we love as we should we do not question whether we are happy or not4 ,then another miracle happens4 ,we are happy1 for we taste the highest order of happiness1 that of forgiving and loving our enemies1 of giving out good will and kindness to all1 of making others happy4 ,the less we think of our own happiness the happier we shall be4 8,did any man or woman whose life has helped the world go about complaining because he or she was not happy8 ,serve others1 thinking not of yourselves and1 without knowing the hour of the great transformation1 you will find you are already a dweller within the kingdom of heaven4 8,love1 and judge not--that is1 don't find fault4 ,when you learn to love1 you will not wish to judge2 you will not see the faults2 you will see only the good in everybody40 ,the ,butterfly would have found the experience dull1 but that on the edge of the assemblage she spied a handsome male acquaintance4 ,this enabled her to await the end of the lecture with heroic patience4 ,her face wore an expression indicative of complete indifference to his presence1 for that was part of her method of attracting moths1 though in fact she saw nothing and thought of nothing but him4 ,it goes without saying that as soon as ,gabriel ,norris had dismissed his people1 this imposing moth was by her side4 ,she greeted him with demure civility1 as though he was the most ordinary apparition that could loom up--for that1 too1 was in her tactics--then presented him to ,cartice as ,mr4 ,prescott4 ,he had a reverent way with women1 unstudied and natural1 which usually won their good will and sometimes more at the first meeting4 ,he took her hand with old-fashioned friendliness1 and as he looked into her face1 and her eyes met his1 the mask of self-repression she had been wearing slipped aside for a moment1 and her sore and suffering spirit stood in mute appeal before him1 and he saw and understood4 8,show ,mr4 ,prescott your sketch1 ,mrs4 ,doring1 please10 said the ,butterfly4 ,without demur ,cartice opened her sketch book which she had brought to give the finishing touches to ,gabriel's picture4 ,prescott started in surprise when he saw it4 ,after a moment or so of silence1 he said1 8,it is admirable40 ,mrs4 ,doring's face glowed4 ,a word of praise with the genuine ring in it warmed her heart to the core4 8,you draw well1 too1 ,mrs4 ,layton10 he said1 with a significant smile2 8but not in the same way40 ,the ,butterfly disdained to reply4 ,turning to ,cartice1 with the most winning deference1 he said1 8,i should like to purchase your sketch1 when completed1 ,mrs4 ,doring4 ,i want to publish it4 ,write me a description of the services here this morning1 to go with it1 will you not8 ,you can write1 ,i know without asking40 7,mentally--,if she would write what her eyes tell it would move the world47 8,mr4 ,prescott is the editor of the ,register10 said the ,butterfly1 by way of explanation4 8,i shall be delighted to do so10 ,cartice answered1 with swelling heart4 8,and do some more of the same kind of work afterward4 ,i want things like that--plenty of them10 he said4 ,as they talked together ,gabriel ,norris joined them1 for he and the newspaper man were old friends4 ,cartice thanked him earnestly for his helpful words1 saying frankly that she needed them as much as any of his hearers4 ,accustomed to the indifference and contempt of that part of the public which should have understood him1 and to the stupidity of that which could not1 he had long used himself to live without praise2 but he was human1 and his heart was lighter and warmer for a word of appreciation4 ,cartice walked home on air4 ,the long lane of her misery was turning4 ,a chance to work had come to her1 and that meant a means of climbing out of the slough of despond4 ,idleness is the prelude to decay1 an invitation to destruction4 ,enforced idleness1 when the spirit longs for activity1 and yet finds itself hedged in1 helpless1 cut off from opportunity1 is the death of hope1 the very day of doom for the soul4 ,now that was all over4 ,the ladder that leads out of despondency and on to the best the world has to give was before her1 her feet already on its first round4 ,she could hardly wait to get home and write the description that was to accompany the drawing4 ,it took shape as she went1 one sentence chasing another in her mind1 all eager for expression1 which is but another word for life4 ,the ,butterfly had a new theme to chatter about--,prescott and his doings1 though her companion scarcely heard her1 so deep was she in her new dreamland of action4 8,prescott is a genius1 they all say1 though a capital fellow1 nevertheless4 ,nobody can back him down1 for he fears neither man nor devil1 and ,i like that4 ,he is divorced from his wife who was considerable of a fiend1 ,i guess1 and no doubt he is too1 on occasions4 ,she married again4 ,it was lucky we went to hear ,gabriel4 ,one never knows where one may encounter a streak of good fortune1--even at so unexpected a place as church sometimes40 ,though but few words had been exchanged the famished spirit of ,cartice ,doring had been refreshed by meeting ,prescott and ,gabriel ,norris4 ,words are but a cumbrous means of communion anyway4 ,when we better understand the laws of our being we shall need them less4 ,our thought goes forth and becomes a part of others1 by a subtler method than articulate speech2 and this is why no man can live unto himself1 and why if one be lifted up he lifts up others also4 ,the turning point in ill fortune had come1 sure enough4 ,the very next day ,doring announced that he had 8dropped into something40 ,it was not a chance to make a fortune1 but it was--well1 just what he said--something4 ,is it not true that there are persons who bring us good luck from the very moment they cross our paths1 and others who dower us with ill-fortune as long as we are associated with them8 ,mascots and ,jonahs are realities1 not myths4 ,meeting ,gordon ,prescott and ,gabriel ,norris had turned the tide for ,mrs4 ,doring4 ,one had opened the gate of opportunity1 and the other had given her a kind of help not easy to label4 ,it might be described by saying that she felt better for having met him4 ,her sketch of him1 with an accompanying word picture of the scene at the market-house went promptly to the ,register1 and was responded to in person by ,prescott1 who brought her a crisp five dollar note1 said an appreciative word or two in his curt1 laconic way1 and repeated the order for more4 ,the joy of expression took hold of her1 and to her great amazement her pen could more than keep pace with her pencil4 ,its creations were distinguished by an originality1 a strength and grace that at once attracted attention4 ,to her the pleasure she found in writing was not in the admiration it excited1 but in the doing of it1--in the never-ceasing surprise that she could do it so well4 ,sometimes when she read her own productions after the fire that created them had died out1 they seemed new and strange to her1 like the work of another4 ,an apparently inexhaustible well within herself had been opened1 into which she could reach at will and draw forth sparkling draughts4 ,in this way she became aware of the complexity1 temerity and unfathomableness of that wondrous1 unseen1 indescribable thing we call mind1 which has everlastingly within it all that is1 was or shall be4 ,it astonished her to see the facility with which her pen danced humorous jigs1 flung off diamonds of wit1 and set in motion rippling waves of laughter4 ,it was strange that she who was but emerging from the valley of despair1 and whose life so far had had in it but little of the glitter of pleasure1 could write as one who knew the light1 the joyous1 the mirthful1 the happy side of existence4 ,yet even in her most jaunty and jubilant products1 here and there would be a bold1 strong stroke of another kind1 which made the reader know that he was following no light soul4 ,in all she wrote1 whether grave or gay1 were the 8fresh eyes10 to which we give the name of originality1 and another quality1 for which we have no name1 which moves us1 we know not why4 ,when it began to be rumored that the ,register's new writer was a woman1 the smart people1 who knew everything1 shook their heads and sniffed incredulously1 saying that there was too much force in the work2 that the style was not womanish--it was ,prescott in disguise4 ,they expected the apron-strings to flutter conspicuously from every page prepared by a feminine hand4 ,for them genius has sex and that sex is always male4 ,it must not be understood that these early efforts of my heroine were worthy a place among the works of genius4 ,they were only fresh1 spirited1 striking sketches of life as their author saw it1 and they went into the great ocean of newspaper literature here1 there and all about1 that lives but for a day4 ,some of them1 it is true1 found a pathetic scrap-book immortality4 ,others were picked up by mightier periodicals than the ,register1 and given a flatteringly wide circulation1 and a few met the dreary fate of getting into imposingly bound collections of 8,literary ,gems10 there to rest in undisturbed security on village parlor tables for many a year to come4 ,in a few weeks ,mrs4 ,doring had the felicity to be installed as associate editor of the ,register4 ,her salary was not munificent1 as salaries usually are in fiction4 ,let no one imagine that all aspirants get an opportunity to do newspaper work and ascend the ladder as easily4 ,her good luck in this particular could be traced to her fitness for the position4 ,prescott soon discovered that besides having extraordinary ability and originality as a writer1 she had what he called the 8editorial instinct10 which1 being interpreted1 meant that she knew instinctively what an attractive newspaper should contain4 ,in novels it is always easy to get to the top4 ,in that respect the people who live in books have a much better time than they who live outside of them4 ,there young heroes make dazzling flights up the journalistic mountains4 ,a young man comes out of college1 writes something for a powerful daily newspaper1 whose editor at once begs him to accept a lucrative situation thereon4 ,he allows himself to be persuaded1 after some hesitation1 and takes advantage of the opportunity for distinction thrust upon him1 after which he goes up without delay or hindrance1 till he becomes editor-in-chief1 owns the paper and is a recognized power in the land4 ,but in real life1 alas6 the get-there road is a harder one to travel4 ,another thing in real life is managed less excellently than in fiction4 ,the women who do newspaper work1 too frequently have a little place fenced off to operate in4 ,this is called 8,woman's ,corner10 or 8,woman's ,work10 or 8,woman's ,world10 and therein the entire female part of the population is supposed to find satisfactory news aliment4 ,there the whole mass of reading women are expected to pasture in peace and plenty4 ,and why not8 ,there they can find out just how long a sponge cake should be left in the oven1 what is the best lotion for the complexion1 how to polish their finger nails1 the latest thing in embroidery stitches1 the newest style in visiting cards1 the most approved method of conducting an afternoon tea1 and no end of valuable and ennobling information in regard to what 8they0 are wearing4 ,beside all this indispensable instruction the corner is sure to contain many proud allusions to that terrible scourge1 the 8true woman10 who is always found sitting serenely within her 8sphere10 her feet on a hassock1 her embroidery in hand1 ignorance in her head1 selfishness in her heart1 vanity and jealousy written all over her feeble face1 saying that she 8has rights enough10 just as she would say she has bread enough4 ,but evolution1 that 8slow performance of miracles10 will eventually oust even this stumbling-block in the path of human progress4 ,cartice ,doring was not a 8true woman10 nor was her work on the ,register to be found in a 8corner10 neither had it a fence of any kind about it1 seen or unseen1 nor was it addressed to women more than to men4 ,as she saw it1 newspapers were for all and dealt with matters of interest to all humankind4 ,happily ,prescott thought the same4 ,he held almost no opinions dear to the average mind1 and scarcely ever put pen to paper without tearing up the ground under the feet of those who insisted upon thinking 8the same thoughts their fathers did think40 ,he had founded the ,register and made it the vehicle of his opinions rather than a mere news journal4 ,these opinions were invariably so new and daring1 and so entertainingly expressed that his worst enemies could not deny themselves the pleasure of reading them4 ,hence it was that the ,register was a flying success4 ,as it was well known that ,prescott was as ready and able with his revolver as with his pen1 his views on current events were respected1 and seldom openly disputed4 ,he was the mortal enemy of fools and fogies1 and found his chief joy in outraging that chaos of ignorance and prejudice we call public opinion4 ,in short he was brilliant1 bold1 witty1 kind and cruel--a tremendous engine with sand in the joints4 ,mrs4 ,doring found her new field of activity stimulating and delightful4 ,it had been her belief that happiness could be made of but two ingredients--companionship and congenial employment4 ,now that she had the latter1 the want of the former troubled her less4 ,besides1 she met many people1 and the contact of sympathetic minds is to another what moisture is to vegetation--keeping it alive and invigorating it4 ,in a day1 as it were1 the world had expanded1 and she was in touch with its heart1 vibrating in sympathy with its deep pulsations4 ,she learned much of human nature1 particularly gifted human nature1 for the ,register had literary leanings1 and many of its friends1 men and women1 who came to chat a vast half-hour in the informal editorial den1 were toiling up the narrow way that leads to eminence and fame4 ,some have achieved the fulfilment of their dreams and are now enjoying their little day of renown4 ,others had but a taste of the delirious cup of renown when they were called into the silence4 ,some grew weary and ceased to strive1 and some are still plodding on in the old road1 having neither lost nor gained ground4 ,as a matter of course1 enemies arose4 ,the spiteful1 the envious1 the jealous1 the bitter-hearted1 the undeveloped must needs have their little fling at the woman whose pen was a power4 ,but ,cartice was too busy to heed them4 ,scarcely had she time to ask herself if she were happy4 8,almost10 she said1 when she thought of it1 though it was a different kind of happiness from that of her earlier dreams4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,death',s ,,narrow ,,sea4 ,the child that enters life comes not with knowledge or intent2 ,so those who enter death must go as little children sent4 ,nothing is known1 but ,i believe that ,god is overhead2 ,and as life is to the living1 so death is to the dead4 --,mary ,mapes ,dodge4 ,one morning ,cartice met ,colonel ,layton in the hall1 as he was about to go out for the day4 ,his unusual appearance struck her at once4 ,he was clean shaven and carefully dressed2 his face was pale and no signs or fumes of liquor were upon or about him4 ,this1 of itself1 was enough to attract particular attention2 but there was more4 ,an indefinable something in his manner asked for sympathy in a silent way1 like an animal2 and in his eyes which of late were unusually glassy and vacant1 was an expression of reminiscent sadness1 such as comes to the eyes of those who in a quiet1 self-questioning hour1 look back upon their lives and see scenes that bring regret4 ,cartice felt her heart stirred by a wish to comfort him4 ,perhaps he was conscious of that vibration of sympathy1 for he smiled and the smile was singularly sweet and winning1 revealing a glimpse of his old-time handsome self1 when he had won the ,butterfly's heart4 ,in conversation the ,colonel was ever a failure4 ,his ability in that art did not go much beyond a few stock expletives1 eked out with significant shrugs and emphatic grunts4 ,but now he tried to make talk1 and lingered as though he had something to say and knew not how to begin4 8,hang it all10 he growled at last1 8what is there in this life anyhow8 ,what are we here for1 ,i should like to know8 ,what's the object of the whole1 miserable procession8 ,it's a devil of a grind for everybody1 and we have to give it up at last1 and go out of it1 ,god only knows where4 ,what do you think is at the end of it1 ,mrs4 ,doring80 8,o ,colonel1 ,i think and think1 but ,i know nothing40 8,yes1 that's the dickens of it1 nobody knows10 he sighed4 8,but if there is a hell most of us will be well seasoned for it by tough times here4 ,i feel about ripe myself4 ,at least ,i am certain they can't get up anything worse than this world anywhere4 ,mighty little happiness here40 ,there was something inexpressibly pathetic in this ruined man's mention of happiness4 ,like all others he had been in pursuit of it1 yet his seeking had but led him farther astray4 8,should you like to live your life over again80 he asked with sudden animation4 8,i have not the courage10 she answered4 8,i don't know that ,i have either10 he said1 with a weary air4 8,i don't know that ,i want to2 yet all the morning ,i have seen myself as ,i was when a child in my father's house1 and my grown-up life seems but a dream4 ,if it were so1 and ,i remembered the dream1 ,i would not again travel the same road1 ,i assure you4 ,i recall one spring morning1 particularly--a ,sunday morning--when ,i sat with my mother on the shady old porch with vines running up the sides1 and she sang this3 8#8,there is a land of pure delight1 ,where saints immortal reign4 ,infinite day excludes the night1 ,and pleasures banish pain4 8#8,there everlasting spring abides ,and never-withering flowers4 ,death like a narrow sea divides ,that heavenly land from ours4'0 ,a good tenor voice had once been his1 but the best of it had gone the irrevocable road1 like many of his other endowments and possessions4 ,enough remained1 however1 to give a touching sweetness to the grand old words1 and as he sang his face became softened1 beautified1 transfigured1 all that was erring and evil dropping out of it4 ,the years1 too1 fell away1 and he was a little child again--nor had he ever been anything else--just a child1 weak1 wandering1 blundering1 stumbling often--just a child1 brother to us all4 8,do you think there is anything for us on the other side of death80 he asked1 the childlike look still upon his face4 8,i hope so40 8,well1 ,i believe there is10 he said1 with unwonted decision4 8,i have always believed so1 in spite of my bad practice1 though ,i don't know what it is2 but ,i am not afraid though ,i'm no saint4 ,it seems all right40 8,yes1 whatever it is1 it must be all right10 ,cartice answered4 8,it could not be anything else4 ,but ,i wish we knew something about it4 ,i wish we knew40 8,it may not be long before ,i know4 ,you see what ,i am--a shadow of what ,i used to be1 a wreck in everything and nobody to blame but myself4 ,i guess the end of the road can't be very far ahead4 ,after ,i make the lonely journey1 ,i'll come back and tell you something about it if ,i can40 8,ah1 ,colonel ,layton1 thousands1 millions have started on that journey with the same promise upon their lips1 but who has kept it80 8,yes1 it is a stumper10 he said1 reflectively1 8but in spite of it ,i have faith that perhaps ,i can4 ,mother and father are on the other side somewhere4 ,this morning they seem very near to me--nearer than ever before since they went away4 ,i feel that ,i might meet them at any turn40 ,with a sigh and a smile he lifted his hat in graceful adieu and went slowly down the stairs1 softly singing1 8,death like a narrow divides ,that heavenly land from ours40 ,two hours later ,cartice was sitting at her desk in the editorial office of the ,register1 when a stranger entered4 ,speaking low1 as even the rudest do when they bring dread news1 he said3 8,colonel ,layton fell dead on the street a few minutes ago4 ,he has been carried into ,dr4 ,olcott's office1 and the doctor wants you to come at once4 ,he knows you are a close friend of ,mrs4 ,layton1 and ,i guess he wants you to tell her and help make arrangements40 ,dazed and trembling1 ,mrs4 ,doring was about to start when ,prescott entered1 and he volunteered to accompany her4 ,they found everything calm and orderly4 ,the doctor was noted for keeping an even mind under all circumstances1 and had permitted no intrusion of the curious and idle4 ,he opened the door to an inner room1 and led them to a sofa on which the dead man lay awaiting the coroner4 ,with professional coolness the doctor turned down the sheet1 saying1 8,he was already gone when they brought him in40 ,in very truth he had become a child again4 ,the fair weak face wore a look of youth and innocence4 ,the light1 shiny hair1 scarcely ruffled from its careful arrangement of the morning1 had on it baby tints of sunshine1 and under the blonde moustache lurked the remnant of the childishly sweet smile that lighted his face when ,mrs4 ,doring saw him go singing down the stairs two hours before4 ,the placid form before her was his semblance1 indeed1 but it was not he4 ,that mysterious fact ,cartice realized in an instant4 ,there were his clay garments1 but all that was he was gone4 ,the funeral took place two days later4 ,mrs4 ,doring could not be present1 for she was unable to raise her head from the pillow4 ,thoughts of the great mystery which had just touched elbows with her haunted her all the time4 ,the 8narrow sea that divides the heavenly land from ours10 what was it like8 ,what shore touched it on the other side8 ,was there a heavenly land or any land beyond that dark ocean8 ,and where was ,colonel ,layton now8 ,no answer to these perplexing queries came4 ,and yet1 perhaps an answer always comes could we but read it4 ,perhaps it came to ,mrs4 ,doring1 for as she lay there wondering about it1 a calm came upon her1 and in imagination she saw ,colonel ,layton as he stood at the top of the stairs on the day they talked together about this greatest of all problems1 and heard him say1 8,i am not afraid4 ,it seems all right40 ,far down within herself she heard the echo1 8all right6 all right60 and then she saw again the ,colonel's childish smile1 and he repeated assuringly1 8,yes1 it's all right40 99 99 99 99 99 ,chrissalyn went to live with a friend and determined to find a way to earn her bread4 ,the end of one path through which she had sought happiness was reached and only sadness and disappointment were there4 ,now she must look for others1 for the endless quest goes on1 clear to the grave itself and possibly beyond4 ,when she with the last scrap of her possessions was gone and her apartments left solitary1 ,cartice felt a sense of desolation greater than she had known since she and the ,butterfly had been friends4 ,life is as inexorable as death2 its separations are often more cruel4 ,in the office of the ,register the final fate of man was a subject often under discussion4 ,prescott snorted in derision at any mention of a continuance of life in a sphere invisible to us now4 8,we die and turn to dust1 like the worm10 he said4 ,cartice held to the hope of something more than we have here--a sequel to this life1 or a continuation of it1 but she could advance no basis for the hope which he considered tenable4 ,well-known figures in the state and community passed out of sight into the silence of the grave every now and then1 and it was the ,register's custom to speak with unvarnished frankness about their lives4 ,without doubt this1 in many instances1 added to the terrors of death1 for ,prescott was capable of very rough surgery in his post-mortem analysis4 ,he flouted the old injunction1 8speak no ill of the dead10 saying that mere dying did not excuse a man's misdeeds1 nor make an angel of him1 and that they should reap an obituary harvest of whatever crop they had sown4 ,not even the time-honored 8regular subscriber0 or 8constant reader10 had immunity from this harsh ruling4 ,he was willing to take the same medicine himself when his time came1 and it should never be said of him that he was in the habit of plastering people all over with laudatory lies just because they had died4 8,o yes10 he would snarl1 8lots of men serve the devil all their lives1 and then expect newspapers to put plenty of heaven in the truck they print about them when they die4 ,but the ,register isn't conducted that way4 ,they shall get in it what they have earned1 no more1 no less40 ,truly1 many found1 even without dying1 that it was a terrible thing to fall into the too truthful hands of the ,register's editor4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,things ,,not ,,dreamed ,,of ,,in ,,everyday ,,philosophy4 8,communication between the spirit world and the corporeal world is in the nature of things1 and has in it nothing supernatural40 ,the body1 after all1 is only a portable1 two-legged telephone through which the soul1 or part of it1 communicates with other souls which for purposes of education and evolution are temporarily imprisoned in these cumbrous and ingenious1 but very inconvenient physical machines4 --,william ,t4 ,stead4 ,chrissalyn had the usual difficulty of the untrained in finding employment4 ,the search was long and disheartening and might never have had a happy ending but for a curious accident1 which was no doubt down in the books of destiny4 ,she was going up a public stairway one day1 when a man descending at a break-neck gait ran against her1 throwing her down4 ,distressed at what he feared might have a serious ending1 he picked her up1 bewailing his awkwardness1 and offering to do anything in his power to atone for it4 ,she opened her eyes to consciousness just as he was saying1 8,what can ,i do for her8 ,what can ,i do for her80 8,get me a chance to earn my bread10 she gasped1 with almost her first breath4 8,i'll do it at once10 he said4 8,i'll take you right up the stairs into my office and install you1 out of gratitude that ,i didn't kill you40 ,so it could be said in all truth that she 8fell into a good situation10 for that it proved to be4 ,her ignorance of the duties she was to perform was patiently borne with until it was overcome4 ,never was butterfly more painstaking and industrious than she1 and work proved a blessing to her1 as it does to everybody whose heart is in it4 ,occupation gave her a stronger hold on life1 for self-dependence is a wonderful invigorator4 ,it gave her added dignity1 too1 leaving just enough of the butterfly instinct to give her exceeding grace4 ,seldom did she speak of her husband1 save to ,cartice1 from whom she concealed nothing1 for ,mrs4 ,doring was always tolerant1 helpful1 receptive1 kind and sympathetic1 never critical and condemnatory4 ,others beside the ,butterfly understood this1 and went to her with what they needed to tell4 ,the mind that is receptive1 never meeting any honest communication with hedgehog defiance or fool's sneer1 becomes a magnet which draws knowledge from the very fountain of light and life4 ,into it flow the secrets of the universe as well as of individuals4 ,speaking of her husband one day to ,cartice1 the ,butterfly said1 8,i never shed any tears because he died4 ,it was the only road out of misery for him and for me2 but ,i did weep for the happiness we never had together1 yet might have had40 ,one ,sunday she came1 but was silent and reflective1 unlike her usual self1 for a time4 ,at last she said3 8,cartice1 dear1 ,i want to tell you something that will certainly seem queer to you4 ,i dare not speak of it to any one else1 lest ,i be locked up as a lunatic4 ,but you are always so kind and so sensible1 you may be able to understand it4 ,i don't4 ,when ,i think of it ,i feel afraid that ,i am a little off my base40 8,you can tell me anything1 ,chriss1 you know that40 ,the ,butterfly looked nervous and paled a little1 but began3 8,to-day ,i have been to the funeral of ,jess ,hanley1 a schoolmate of mine4 ,we were always the best of friends1 though for some years we have seen comparatively little of each other1 because she has been tied down at home so closely on account of sickness4 ,her husband died of consumption two years ago4 ,a year later their little boy went4 ,then ,jess became ill1 and for months she has been expecting to go any day almost4 ,last week she sent for me and ,i went4 ,she told me she knew her time was nearly up4 ,she was quite cheerful over it1 as she believed she would be with her husband and child again after she had #8passed over1' as she called it4 ,she was a spiritualist1 and thought that dying isn't dying at all4 ,one thing she made me promise--a mere sick fancy ,i suppose--and that was that ,i should not fail to go to her funeral4 8,well1 ,i went of course4 ,it was like most other respectable funerals4 ,people looked solemn1 there were flowers1 and a preacher made the usual harrowing remarks1 which set everybody weeping--everybody but me4 ,i didn't shed a tear1 yet ,i loved ,jess as well as any one there except her mother1 ,i am sure4 8,i didn't cry because ,i was so dazed ,i couldn't4 ,that was the queer part of it4 ,i was dazed1 because all the time the minister was speaking ,i saw ,jess1 her husband and little boy running around the coffin1 laughing1 kissing each other and throwing flowers in all directions4 ,they took the flowers from the mass on top of the coffin1 yet there were never any fewer there1 though they threw them around by handfuls4 8,once when the preacher said1 #8,we shall see our sister no more until that great and dreadful day of the ,lord1 when all shall stand at the bar of judgment1' ,jess looked at me1 laughed in a knowing way and threw a rose into my lap2 but when ,i tried to pick it up it wasn't there4 ,now what do you think of all that8 ,am ,i crazy1 or what was it80 8,what do you think it was1 ,chrissalyn80 8,i don't know1 and don't dare to think too much about it lest ,i get upset over it40 8,did others see them1 do you think80 8,no2 ,i am sure they did not1 and that frightens me4 ,if they were really there why didn't the others see them8 ,if they were not there why should ,i see them1 unless something has gone wrong in my head8 ,i am sure the others saw nothing1 for ,i thought of that and watched them closely and could detect no astonishment in their faces40 8,how did the dead people whom you saw look1 ,chrissalyn80 8,just like living people1 clothes and all4 ,only ,i knew they were not living and had no business to be there1 and couldn't be there1 and yet they were there40 8,have you ever seen anything of the kind before80 8,yes1 several times2 but ,i always drove the recollection of it out of my mind as soon as possible1 because it seemed uncanny and creepy--and ,i ended by persuading myself that ,i had imagined it all40 8,did your friend ,jess know you had seen such things80 8,come to think of it1 she did4 ,once a good while ago she told me about some queer things of that kind she had seen4 ,that's the reason she was a spiritualist4 ,then ,i told her what ,i had seen40 7,here the ,butterfly's face lighted up74 8,now that may be the reason she made me promise to be sure and go to her funeral4 ,perhaps she intended to make herself visible to me if she could4 ,at least that view of it makes me feel easier4 ,i prefer to believe ,i saw ghosts rather than to think my brain is going bad4 ,it has been a long time since ,i saw anything of the kind4 ,each time ,i hope will be the last4 ,but what do you think of it1 ,cartice8 ,you believe ,i saw those dead people1 don't you80 8,i think you saw just what you say you did2 but ,i can't explain it40 ,mrs4 ,doring had always clung to the belief that the universe held many mysteries beyond her ken2 that marvelous things1 hidden from common vision1 were destined to some day stand revealed1 and no man knew the manner in which they might make themselves known4 ,she had had some experience with professional clairvoyants which had been disenchanting4 ,for the most part they had been clammy1 illiterate1 unscrupulous1 pitiful types of humanity1 ready to violate truth and the ,english language without hesitation or remorse4 ,now she looked at the ,butterfly with an interest that almost amounted to awe4 ,could it be that the gift of seeing the hidden and unknown belonged to this bright1 winged being1 who loved the world and the things of the world only8 ,at last she said3 8,chrissalyn1 you have heard of the faculty of clairvoyance1 have you not80 8,yes1 of course40 8,may it not be that you are a clairvoyant1 and saw your dead friends clairvoyantly80 ,the ,butterfly lifted her hands in horror4 8,o ,cartice1 how can you suggest such a thing8 ,i a clairvoyant8 ,it would be too dreadful4 ,i wouldn't have a hint of such a horrid thing get out on me for the world4 ,why1 clairvoyants are hideous creatures1 ugly1 old1 frowsy1 untruthful1 and advertise to tell you all sorts of things for a dollar40 8,but1 my own ,butterfly1 you are not old and ugly and all the rest of it1 neither are all clairvoyants4 ,history contains the names of some very eminent ones4 ,what a wonderful and enviable gift clairvoyance must be4 ,how ,i wish ,i had it4 ,and if it be true that you are possessed of it1 think what it brings to you--light1 light from heaven itself--the most glorious light in the universe--proof that the dead have never died40 ,her friend's enthusiasm ensnared the ,butterfly's vanity at once1 so that she pricked up her ears and gave heed4 ,whatever ,cartice said had weight with her4 ,it gratified her1 in spite of her prejudices1 to have a faculty unattainable to ordinary persons4 ,all this darted through her head and settled down into acceptance4 8,well1 ,i don't mind if it is clairvoyance1 only don't tell anybody40 8,it's not a thing to be talked about with those who don't understand or respect it4 ,it's too precious4 ,would ,i could see such sights4 ,then ,i could sing light-hearted tunes and walk on bravely1 be my pack never so heavy4 ,don't fail to tell me if you see anything more40 ,chrissalyn did see something more of the same character very soon1 and made haste to describe it to her friend4 ,she had gone to a bank to attend to some business which required more explanation than was convenient to make through the cashier's window1 so she was invited to take a seat in the office of the president1 with whom she had some acquaintance4 ,while she sat there his son entered1 bearing strong evidence of having tarried too long at the wine4 ,his reputation as altogether too jolly a dog was well known4 ,his father sent him off as speedily as possible1 and then said to ,chrissalyn in a burst of distracted confidence1 such as we all give to somebody at times when the load grows too heavy1 8,my boy is going to ruin in spite of all ,i can do4 ,i have borne with him till ,i am out of patience1 yet my forbearance is wasted4 ,i am tempted to cast him off entirely1 to throw him on his own resources and see how that will work4 ,maybe it will bring him to reason1 since no amount of kind treatment does him any good40 ,on the instant ,mrs4 ,layton saw a woman stand behind the banker4 ,whence she came or how she knew not1 but there she was1 and she spoke--spoke in an earnest1 anxious voice1 with an entreating gesture3 8,tell him not to do that4 ,beg him not to do it4 ,say that ,i implore him not to do it40 ,under the impulse of the request1 before she had time to think what she was doing1 the ,butterfly told the banker what she had just seen and heard4 ,he was a big1 commonplace1 worldly man1 whose head was never heated with super-mundane problems1 yet he whitened as he heard this strange story4 8,what was the woman like80 he asked4 8,she was young and plainly dressed in a calico gown of an old-time mode1 and she looked astonishingly like your son40 ,the face of the banker whitened more and more and his eyes became glassy and fear-struck4 8,that describes my first wife1 ,rob's mother10 he said1 8yet you did not know--no one here does--that he is not the child of my present wife4 ,i was poor while she lived1 so poor that she never had anything better than calico to wear40 ,by that time ,chrissalyn began to have a sheepish feeling about what she had done1 and wished she were well out of it4 ,a force that was resistless had impelled her to speak1 but now that the tale was told1 the impulsion gone and she became master of herself again1 her first thought was that she had let out the secret of her ability to see things not within the range of common vision4 ,so she attempted to make light of it1 lest the banker go about telling it as a queer thing1 and then the detested name of clairvoyant would be fastened on her in spite of everything4 8,i dare say it's all nonsense1 and ,i hope you won't think of it again10 which was as near as she could delicately come to saying1 8,i hope you will not speak of it40 ,the stout banker mopped a cold perspiration from his face1 with a good deal of nervousness4 ,he was tolerably shaken up1 and was making a wild effort to regain his equilibrium4 ,though not a man to go very deep into anything outside of finances1 he was neither dogmatic nor unteachable4 ,he knew what he didn't know1 which is a rare bit of wisdom1 and in that territory were all things beyond the commonplace4 8,anyhow1 whatever it was1 ,mrs4 ,layton1 ,i'm obliged to you for telling me--more obliged than ,i can express10 he said1 with unaffected earnestness--8and ,i will do as she wants me to4 ,i will not turn ,rob out40 8,i'm glad of that10 said his visitor1 whose instincts were always kind4 8,it could hardly do him any good40 ,the springs of the banker's emotions had been touched1 and for a moment he looked like a big boy about to cry like a little boy4 ,that's what he saw he must do1 or pour himself out in uninvited and prodigal confidence1 and that's what he did4 ,thus it was that the banker's skeletons held high carnival that afternoon in their owner's business office4 ,the reminder of the wife of his youth1 the companion of his poverty1 pressed the closet door unceremoniously open4 ,the unhappy owner of the unique outfit took a full breath and unreservedly told how miserable he was1 and that the only happiness he ever had was during the life of his first wife1 8,when there was scarce bread to eat ,and the wolf was at the door40 ,now1 he had money1 and with it a wife who wore purple and fine linen1 and loved nobody but herself4 ,he spoke of his loneliness1 and told what a poor1 mean1 paltry sham his life was1 and how at times he had wondered if his dead wife could see and understand4 ,he kept on till the closet of skeletons had been pretty well swept and aired1 and they had stretched their legs in a fine dance after long suppression--kept on until the ,butterfly held him and his wretchedness1 so to speak1 in the hollow of her hand4 ,when she went forth it was with a sure conviction that he would say nothing about her clairvoyant experiences4 ,he would have enough repenting to do about the break-out of the skeletons to keep him busy4 ,,chapter ,x4 8,,ye ,,shall ,,not ,,understand40 ,whatever happens to anybody it will be turned to beautiful results1 ,and nothing can happen more beautiful than death4 --,walt ,whitman4 ,two years had passed since ,colonel ,layton died4 ,renewed health and beauty had come to the ,butterfly1 who still contentedly earned and ate her own bread4 ,self-dependence has many rewards for its faithful disciples1 not least among them being the conscious dignity that belongs to usefulness1 and expresses itself in the greater ease and calmer assurance of bearing4 ,being a factor instead of a cipher gives a woman new value in her own eyes1 as well as in the eyes of others4 ,if ,chrissalyn could see into the world to follow this1 ,cartice wondered why she had had no glimpse of her husband4 ,she had not1 she said1 and didn't want to4 ,she hoped she never would see any one who had been near to her--it would be too terrible4 ,she insisted on keeping all knowledge of her queer experiences from ,prescott4 ,his sniffs and sneers of ridicule would be too much for her1 nor did ,cartice feel equal to them either4 ,according to ,phillips ,brooks there are two kinds of cowardice1 that of the conservative1 and that of the radical1 both of them fatal to freedom of thought4 ,the former is afraid of being called an innovator1 the latter fears to be thought conservative4 ,one pliantly conforms to established methods2 the other strikes defiance of them4 ,neither of them are free4 ,perhaps ,prescott was of the second4 ,perhaps he fought what he called superstition lest he be forced to believe in spite of himself4 ,at any rate his two friends1 perhaps the loyalest he had1 were not bold enough to take him into their confidence4 ,the intolerant always pay this penalty4 ,they shut out confidence2 they make people afraid of them2 they keep light and good away from them1 and drive angels themselves from their gates4 ,cartice had a notion that the ,butterfly and ,prescott loved each other4 ,being something of which the gods themselves must approve1 she could not understand the ,butterfly's reticence on the subject1 for the winged creature said not a word in regard to it4 ,in spite of his aggressive character and some other deplorable defects1 ,prescott was a man to be proud of4 ,the three were much together4 ,prescott was the ,butterfly's tireless escort everywhere1 and they were usually anxious to have ,cartice with them1 and often they came together to pass a few hours with her in the evening1 as she was invariably alone1 ,doring finding places more to his taste than the one he called home4 ,some of ,prescott's friends said more than once that he was growing gentler and kinder1 both on paper and off4 ,one evening the three friends were together in ,cartice's apartment4 ,prescott's face was radiant1 with a light never seen there before4 ,it refined and softened his rugged features1 making his countenance sweet and sunny4 8,he has spoken10 thought ,cartice1 8and this is the light of love that has naught to fear40 8,children10 he said1 after a time1 with an unusual sweetness and confidence that became him well1 8dear children1 ,i am going to have happiness40 ,both looked at him in affectionate inquiry4 8,what kind of happiness80 asked the ,butterfly1 in a low voice1 for there was that in his face which made them feel they were upon holy ground4 8,i don't know6 ,i don't know6 ,that's the inexplicable part of it4 ,yet it seems so near ,i can almost reach out my hands and grasp it4 ,this feeling has been upon me all day1 and grows stronger every moment4 ,i never experienced anything like it before4 ,i don't know why or whence it comes1 nor can ,i explain it well2 but ,i feel it4 ,yes1 ,i am very near to something good--near to happiness at last40 ,his voice sank low1 and its tones had a thrilling sweetness1 a holy joy4 ,his companions listened in silence1 under a spell1 their astonishment too vast for words4 ,this was strange talk to come from him4 ,as in reverie he went on1 after a pause1 8,all my life ,i have wondered how it would seem to be happy--really happy--if only for one hour4 ,misery ,i know well2 but happiness and ,i have never met4 ,now1 it is so near that ,i am already in its sunshine40 ,and he smiled1 with the wonderful light on his face1 and the smile was strangely sweet and beautiful4 ,the ,butterfly shook herself out of the seriousness that was upon her1 and said3 8,you are going to have money--plenty of money--all unexpected as it comes in stories1 and then--then you must give a big supper and ,cartice and ,i will wear our prettiest gowns and be queens of the feast40 ,he looked at her and smiled again1 but did not even hear her chatter1 for his soul was revelling in soundless melody4 ,the exaltation was still on his face when he and ,chriss bade ,cartice good-night4 ,it was ten o'clock next day when ,mrs4 ,doring reached the ,register office4 ,the entrance was full of men1 with frightened faces1 one of whom motioned to her to stop4 ,obeying1 she stood in her tracks1 chilled with a sense of disaster1 until he reached her4 8,you must not come in10 he said4 8,there has been an accident at the elevator1 and--,prescott is dead40 ,in silence she turned away4 8,and this was the happiness he felt so near to him--this80 she gasped4 8,yes2 it was so near1 yet he did not understand1 and we did not understand4 ,and it was this6 ,it was this60 ,prescott and death were irreconcilable4 ,he was typical of life1 force and action4 ,who could think of him as out of the conflict1 as voiceless and silent8 ,how could they ever learn to speak of him as one who was but is not8 8,saw you nothing1 ,chrissalyn--nothing that portended this80 ,cartice asked4 8,nothing40 8,yet we had a sign1 and were too blind to see it4 ,his glorified face last night1 and his strange feeling that happiness was near to him--these were signs1 though we understood them not40 ,from the first a sense of the unreality of what had occurred came to ,mrs4 ,doring and never left her4 ,she followed the sable carriage of the dead to the cemetery1 and returned to find his chair vacant1 his pen idle1 his presence gone forever1 yet it was not like reality1--none of it4 ,she shed no tears1 nor was she sad4 ,after the first startled moment she was at peace1 though she knew not why4 ,later she understood1 as will all of us after a little time4 ,now we weep and moan over sorrow1 questioning it all1 resenting it all2 but a day is coming when we shall see and know and understand1 and in that day we shall re-name many things1 having until then miscalled them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,now another serious event confronted ,mrs4 ,doring4 ,she had done her best to save her husband from himself but could not4 ,now she saw clearly at last1 after much striving to bring compatibility out of incompatibility1 that their union was a sham1 a pretence1 a lie1 which if persisted in could only bring destruction to both of them4 ,the conviction came to her that it must end4 ,few experiences are bitterer or sadder for a sensitive1 proud1 high-spirited woman1 than to face a domestic calamity like this4 ,to see the love upon which she had founded her dearest hopes turn to ashes2 to have what she once thought happiness become a burden so intolerable that it must be cast down1 acknowledging disappointment1 defeat and humiliation before the world1 is1 indeed1 a bitter cup4 ,the coarse1 the malicious1 the undeveloped have sneers1 jeers and taunts for this order of sufferer2 but the enlightened1 the truly moral bow before her reverently1 not only because she has suffered1 but because she stands for a great principle4 ,that the separation must be legal as well as actual1 she saw would be best for both4 ,though the laws of their state were as humane as most others1 still they had not evolved beyond the point1 where in order to secure freedom from irksome marital bonds one of the parties must make a damaging charge against the other4 ,in talking it over with her husband she said1 8,we can arrange that as decently as the law will permit4 ,if ,i make the application1 ,i shall put it on the most inoffensive ground possible4 ,if that is not agreeable to you1 ,i will leave you and you can charge me with desertion40 ,doring determined to do at once what he had long been arranging to do slyly1 which was to go away himself1 and as a ,parthian arrow announced that he had intended to do so for sometime1 but not alone4 ,it was a curious ending of the most delicate and important relation in life4 ,cartice gathered his effects together1 packing everything with careful hands4 ,when he went she watched him out of sight1 and out of her life4 ,late into the night she still sat at the window1 with a white face and eyes that stared into the darkness yet saw only the scenes of the past4 ,when ,louis ,doring boarded the train that evening he knew that within awaited him the sharer of his future fortunes4 ,his story can soon be told4 ,it was the natural outcome of his weak1 selfish1 stubborn and vain character4 ,a few months later1 deserted by the companion he had taken with him1 penniless and alone in a southern city1 he fell a victim to a malignant fever and passed out of life4 ,cartice saw a brief mention of his death in a daily newspaper of the city in which it occurred4 ,accompanied by the faithful ,butterfly she went at once1 arriving there in time to put his mortal part out of sight with the decency custom requires4 ,these two loving hearts1 both bruised from sad experiences1 sat together late that night1 talking of the curious events we call life and death4 ,what they knew of one made it almost as terrible as the other4 8,ah1 ,butterfly1 dear10 said ,cartice1 8,i envy the women who have lost husbands worth lamenting4 ,such tears would be sweet1 not bitter40 8,you call me a seeress1 sometimes10 said ,chrissalyn1 8and perhaps ,i am1 for ,i have been looking off into the future--a future that is very far away1 indeed--and ,i see you1 and you are happy4 ,at least ,i read it so1 for there is light all about you1 and your face is like a picture of joy1 it is so bright4 ,and you are more beautiful than the sun1 of whose radiance your clothes are made4 ,but ,i am not with you1 and it is1 oh6 so far away--so far that it looks to be even on the other side of death though that is a queer way to put it4 ,yes1 you will be great and renowned some day as well as happy2 but the road there is so long--,i don't understand it--as long as several lives put together1 ,i should say40 8,and you1 child of the far-away eyes1 see you naught for yourself80 8,no2 ,i never do2 but ,i have a firm belief that ,i am yet to have satin couches and plenty of time to rest on them40 ,splendor be it observed1 was her deal of bliss1 which was natural1 she being a butterfly4 ,that night while her friend slept1 ,mrs4 ,doring sat by the open window thinking of the cold1 still form she had seen put out of sight that day1 and wondering with a chill sense of awe where now was the soul that had been represented by it4 ,the moonlight whitened everything1 and added its electric beauty and pale sadness to the loneliness of the night4 ,she recalled other nights when that form had pulsated near her1 and yet her spirit had been as lonely as now4 ,what did it all mean1 the loving and the suffering1 the dreaming and the awakening1 the meeting and the parting8 ,the road together had been long and hard1 yet here was the end--the same end to which all roads lead--but what was the purpose of it all8 ,the problem of life2 what can it be but the development of the individual1 the unfolding of the soul1 that marvelous1 persistent1 god-like thing of whose unlimited possibilities we are but beginning to dream8 ,and all that we do and have done to us1 enjoy and suffer1 think and dream1 hope and aspire1 make to that end1 and are necessary and therefore good4 ,memories came to her from a remote past1 that antedated her birth--or so it seemed1 for their origin was not within her earthly experiences4 ,yet surely they were memories1 for one and all met with recognition4 ,faces she had loved came and smiled their sympathy and fondness4 ,familiar voices spoke to her--voices whose heavenly sweetness mortal ear hath not heard4 ,snatches of songs1 celestial in their thrilling melody1 floated by4 ,scenes restful and beautiful unrolled themselves for a moment and were gone4 ,but it was the inner eyes which saw and the inner ears that heard4 ,yes1 she knew them all1 for they were her people1 her very own people1 of whom she was always dreaming1 and for whom she was always searching4 ,they had come to comfort her4 ,see1 all smiled1 not one wept1 and their words and songs were joyous4 8,my own people6 ,my dear people1 ,i shall yet find you1--,i am finding you10 she said1 glancing at the ,butterfly's pretty face1 with its crown of sunshiny hair on the pillow1 and thinking of ,prescott1 with his head like carven granite and eyes of fire2 and others1 with some of whom she had clasped hands but once1 yet knew them as her own4 ,but what of the new-made narrow mound in the cemetery8 ,it presented itself at the end of every life1 mutely asking an explanation of its existence4 ,this was the wall against which the race of man has ever beaten the wings of inquiry4 ,there it always stands1 unresponsive and forbidding1 the grim silence1 like the shores that shut in the sea1 saying1 8,thus far shalt thou come and no farther40 ,yet above and beyond the awe and wonder that filled her soul1 was that curious sense of the unreality of death which had come when ,prescott went away and still remained4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,a ,,little ,,board ,,bridges ,,the ,,great ,,gulf4 ,even here the soul of man is a member of the immaterial world2 present and future1 life and death1 make one continuous whole in the order of spiritual nature4 --,kant4 ,cartice ,doring was one of those blessed beings who intermeddle not with the affairs of another4 ,she asked no questions and was free from the vulgar vice of curiosity4 ,she listened with sympathetic interest to all confidences that came to her1 but solicited none4 ,this made her a charming and lovable friend4 ,speaking once of the pernicious habit some well-meaning but ill-taught persons have of asking where you were born1 if your parents are living1 what religion you adhere to and the thousand other catechetical shots which compose their list of topics of conversation1 she said3 8,there may be a reason why the simplest and apparently most inoffensive question may give pain1 so ,i never ask any4 ,i have no wish to1 for ,i have no curiosity4 ,when ,i make a new acquaintance ,i am not concerned with the locality of his birth1 the residence of his parents1 or any part of his personal history4 ,what he is individually1 not the accidents of his life1 interests me1 and that reveals itself as ,i become acquainted with him1 without any probing on my part4 ,neither do ,i wish to bore into the sacred recesses of a friend's heart4 ,what she tells me ,i shall listen to lovingly2 what she does not tell me ,i do not even wish to know40 ,hence it was that when the ,butterfly fell into a meditative mood one evening when they were together1 ,cartice did not disturb her4 ,by and by ,chrissalyn said3 8,i dreamed of ,prescott last night4 ,at least ,i suppose it was a dream1 though it seemed extremely real4 ,i was walking on the street and met him1 and he held in his hand that queer little heart-shaped toy somebody sent you once--a thing with a ,french name that ,i don't recall now1 but you said it meant #8little board4'--,it has three legs1 and one of them is a pencil40 8,a planchette10 suggested ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,yes2 that's it4 ,well1 ,prescott held that up before me and said1 #8,try it1 ,butterfly6 ,try it6'0 ,cartice's eyes widened with interest4 8,you remember we did try to write with it once long ago10 said the ,butterfly1 8but it only wrote foolishness1 so we flung it aside and never tried again4 ,i have been thinking about it all day1 and should like to try it again1 for ,i can't get ,prescott's face1 as ,i saw it last night1 out of my mind40 ,the planchette was brought forth1 and its history retold4 ,the donor was a man from whom ,death had taken every member of his family4 ,for years the desire of his heart had been to know if the dead are dead1 or if they still live though unseen of men4 ,after he went to another city1 he wrote ,mrs4 ,doring that he had received some startling revelations through ,planchette1 and sent her one1 that she might experiment for herself4 ,having some ability with the brush and palette1 he had painted an allegory on the under side of the tiny walnut board4 ,psyche in the celestial robes was passing upward out of sight4 ,cupid in fashionable modern attire1 had thrown aside his bow and arrows1 and held his right hand on a ,planchette1 upon which he concentrated all his attention1 saying to it3 8,tell me hopeful messages ,to beguile earth's sorrow2 ,but of evil things1 ,oh6 keep ,silence till to-morrow4 ,then1 perchance1 ,i'll be asleep40 8,a pretty thought10 said ,cartice1 displaying the picture1 and reading the text aloud4 8,love is always anxious to know the fate of the soul4 ,he hopes1 but seeks for something to keep hope alive4 ,benson wrote me extraordinary things about ,planchette1 but ,i tried it several times and got nothing40 8,but ,i got something when ,i tried10 said ,mrs4 ,layton1 with an air of interest4 8,to be sure it was rank nonsense1 but it was something1 and ,i didn't do it myself1 whatever it was40 8,no2 you said it was the work of the devil1 and flung the planchette aside in disgust4 ,what a convenience the devil is1 anyway6 ,how could the world get on without him8 ,everything the veriest dunce doesn't understand is laid at his door4 ,if he had never been invented1 who would shoulder all the mysteries8 ,poor devil6 ,without being to blame he has been a terrific stumbling-block to the enlightenment of mankind4 ,wherever a persevering and heroic mind clipped out a crevice in the wall of ignorance1 some dense-minded being was on hand to seize the devil and put him into it1 to obscure whatever light might filter through4 ,and so1 though innocent himself1 he has kept mankind in darkness through the centuries40 ,however1 devil or no devil1 they covered a table with a big sheet of white paper1 of the kind used by the ,register1 and put ,planchette upon it4 ,the ,butterfly put her tiny hand thereon1 and they awaited its pleasure4 ,as they were ignorant of the particular methods of its operation1 they could but grope tentatively till they found the true way1 just as the human race has groped upward through countless vain experiments and innumerable grievous blunders into such light as it now enjoys4 ,the occasion was in no way tinged with solemnity4 ,they built no hopes on its outcome1 nor gave it serious thought4 ,it was the ,butterfly's inspiration1 born of her dream4 ,so little importance did they attach to it1 that they fell to chatting of other things at once1 leaving ,planchette to its own devices1 ,mrs4 ,layton's hand still resting on it1 however4 ,suddenly their chatter ceased4 ,planchette began to move across the paper1 not aimlessly1 as they expected1 but deliberately and precisely1 with intelligence and force4 ,as suddenly as it had begun it stopped4 ,they lifted it up and looked at its trail1 and there was a word plainly and evenly written--the word 8,gaily40 8,more of its nonsense1 just as ,i feared10 sighed the ,butterfly1 in disgust4 8,well1 try it again1 dear10 pleaded her friend4 8,it's worth studying1 even if it does write nonsense4 ,it's extraordinary that it writes at all40 ,with polite alacrity it wrote again with more ease and speed than before3 8,do you not remember ,gaily--,gaily1 the ,troubadour80 ,this had no meaning for the ,butterfly1 and she was about to express her displeasure1 when she glanced at her friend4 ,cartice was leaning far back in the chair1 her face white and drawn1 her mouth slightly open1 her eyes startled and staring1 and her breath coming in gasps4 8,o ,cartice1 dearest6 ,don't look like that6 ,don't60 ,chrissalyn cried in a terrified voice1 jumping up and seizing her friend in her arms1 alternately shaking and embracing her4 8,what is it8 ,what do you see8 ,what has happened80 ,mrs4 ,doring tried to speak1 but her mouth was parched and dry1 her tongue leaden4 ,she could only point with her finger at the writing4 8,yes1 yes2 but it's only foolishness--a line out of one of ,moore's old songs4 ,don't be frightened at the silly thing4 ,it must have come from my mind somehow1 though ,i wasn't thinking of it40 8,it means everything to me10 ,cartice gasped at last4 8,i understand it4 ,try again1 dear4 ,try again4 ,i will explain presently40 ,rather rebelliously ,chrissalyn straightened ,planchette and put her tiny hand again upon it1 growling2 8,i feel more like smashing the mischievous thing than humoring it1 since it gave you such a fright40 8,it was not fright1 dear4 ,it was astonishment1 awe1 wonder--many emotions blended1 but fear was not among them40 ,several minutes passed but ,planchette moved not4 ,the operator's patience would have been exhausted1 had not her friend kept her faithful to the work with cheering speeches4 ,presently the weird little instrument began to walk off again1 leaving this line in big1 bold letters3 8,gaily1 the ,troubadour1 offers his love once more to the tall1 young pine40 ,cartice read it aloud1 then threw up her hands and burst into weeping--a weeping that was half-laughing1 an ebullition of pent-up emotion like that which comes at the fortunate ending of a long strain of anxiety4 8,he lives6 ,he lives60 she cried1 in passionate joy4 8,all live--all1 all who have gone out of our sight into the silence4 ,not one is dead4 ,not one has ever died4 ,the greatest of questions is answered40 ,picking up ,planchette she touched her lips to it reverently4 ,then putting her arms around her dazed friend1 she kissed her again and again1 saying3 8,chrissalyn1 dear ,chrissalyn1 you have always been a blessing and a comfort to me2 but now you have opened the whole universe to me2 you have given me light--the brightest light that can come to any one4 ,that scrawling line tells me more than any volume ever printed could4 ,it is from an old-time friend1 who died soon after ,i last saw him1 one who loved me well4 ,his name was ,westfield1 but because of his fondness for quoting from ,moore in political speeches1 and what the slang of newspaper offices calls #8fine writing1' his chums dubbed him1 #8,gaily1 the ,troubadour1' and by this affectionate nickname one of his old comrades frequently addressed him in my presence4 ,and he named me a tall young pine4 ,you knew none of this1 for ,i am sure ,i never told you about him4 ,therefore it cannot have been taken from your mind1 neither can it have been drawn from mine1 for ,i never thought of him4 ,if ,i had any one in mind1 it was ,prescott1 because you had dreamed of ,prescott in connection with ,planchette1 and because ,i have wondered so much about him since he went away--wondered in what part of the universe his dauntless spirit has found action1 or if he is at all4 ,yet ,i scarcely dared hope even for him1 for there was the possibility that death was the end of everything4 ,i had no proof to the contrary40 ,the ,butterfly was a trifle dazed by the emotion of her friend1 who was usually so self-possessed4 ,even by the light of her explanation she could scarcely take it in4 ,the subject of death1 no matter how treated1 was repugnant to her4 ,even proof that death was not death had but little interest for her4 ,of course there was something afterward4 ,everybody knew that4 ,wasn't it all set down in the books somewhere1 straight enough8 ,but what was the use of dwelling on a subject that had so many unpleasant features in it8 ,or why delve after the facts in regard to it8 ,that was her manner of dealing with this mighty question4 ,what attracted her was life--yes1 life1 poor1 cramped1 hard and ugly as some of it had been for her1 still she loved it1 found joy in it1 craved it and its material pleasures and never wanted to be reminded that it had an end4 ,a new gown could arouse her enthusiasm1 and a flashing jewel give her supreme pleasure2 but death1 ugh6 who wanted to talk of so gruesome an event8 ,dead people lived somewhere1 as a matter of course1 but wasn't it best to let them alone in their own place wherever it is1 and have nothing to do with them8 ,this is a curious attitude of mind toward a subject of more importance to us than any other1 yet thousands of presumably intelligent people think the same4 ,they want the dead treated like dangerous criminals1 although their nearest and dearest may be of them4 ,they shut them away with relentless cruelty1 doing their best to put them out of their very thoughts4 ,in this way they slay them more effectually than ,death himself has slain them4 ,resistlessly they move on to the same end themselves1 yet zealously refuse to learn aught of what that end may be4 ,astonishing mental darkness and indolence1 but alas6 not uncommon4 ,it was some time before ,cartice recovered self-possession and induced her friend to go on with the experiment4 ,but the chain was broken1 ,planchette refused to move again4 ,still1 ,mrs4 ,doring had enough to dwell upon4 ,late into the night she lay awake1 thinking of it1 marveling at it and rejoicing in the new light that had come to her4 ,true1 it was a little thing1 perhaps1 or might appear so to those who are ever ready to make havoc of whatever differs from the usual and accepted1 but its possibilities might be limitless1 and already it had expanded her world into infinity4 ,whatever the intelligence that acted through ,planchette might be1 it was subject to a law in its manifestations1 of which as yet she knew next to nothing4 ,for more light thereon she must study by experiment4 ,simple as this law appeared to be in its operations1 it was mighty in its results1 since it annihilated space and destroyed death1 the last and greatest enemy whose destruction has long been foretold4 ,but are not all nature's laws astonishingly simple1 when understood8 ,so simple that the searcher after knowledge1 filled with delusion that it was afar off on inaccessible heights1 for ages passed them by1 trod them under foot1 touched them at every turn1 yet found them not4 ,a few evenings later the two friends were ready to begin the fascinating work of experimenting with ,planchette1 the ,butterfly's tiny hand resting on its heart-shaped back1 inviting it to action4 ,was ever priestess of the occult so emphatically a creature of worldly attributes as she8 ,her pretty face1 soft1 fair hair1 slight1 graceful figure modishly attired1 and gentle bearing conveyed no suggestion of power to reveal hidden mysteries4 ,in silence they waited a little while1 ,planchette as still as could be4 ,then1 unexpectedly it whirled away at a startling pace1 with a force well-nigh resistless4 ,when it reached the end of the paper1 which completely covered the table1 they picked it up and carried it back to the place of beginning1 the hand of the pretty priestess was replaced1 and it went on at tearing speed1 until its message was finished4 ,then they looked and saw this in big1 firm chirography3 8,love laughs at ,death as well as at locksmiths--,pagan40 ,cartice read it aloud with a whitening face and staring eyes4 8,prescott60 she whispered1 with a husky voice1 motioning to ,chrissalyn to put her hand again on ,planchette4 ,pagan was a name she had given him and which he delighted in1 though unknown to any but her4 ,the little board whirled away again with the same determined swing4 ,its very movements were characteristic of him1 who had ever a trace of savageness and fierceness in all he did and much that he said4 ,these were its words3 8,butterfly1 tell her what ,i told you as we went home that last night40 ,now ,chrissalyn began to tremble and tears gushed from her shining eyes4 ,the conviction that it was ,prescott who thus silently spoke to them came to her with overwhelming force4 8,cartice1 it is ,prescott1 ,i am sure4 ,he loved you with all his heart1 and you know how intense that heart was in everything4 ,i saw it from the very day ,i introduced him to you at the market house1 when we went to hear ,gabriel ,norris preach4 ,he adored you1 but never spoke of it1 and you were too blind and had too little vanity to see it4 ,but that last night before his death1 when he and ,i were walking home together after we had spent the evening with you1 he told me about it4 ,you remember he spoke of having a presentiment that happiness was near him1 and he looked almost transfigured that night4 ,he said he believed that somehow you would soon be free from your husband1 and then he would take you whether or no4 ,he swore to that4 ,but the next morning he was dead4 ,that's what he wants me to tell--that's what he means when he says #8,love laughs at death as well as at locksmiths4' ,he is the same--just the same kind1 fierce old savage4 ,he loves you still40 8,why1 ,butterfly1 this is astonishing10 said ,cartice1 in amazement4 8,i thought you and he loved each other1 and that you were made for each other40 8,i loved him2 but he loved you1 not me40 ,this touched ,mrs4 ,doring beyond her power to express4 ,she tried to speak1 but could say nothing1 for a great lump1 like a live coal1 had closed her throat4 8,i was never jealous10 continued ,chrissalyn1 8no1 never2 but a trifle melancholy at times1 wishing he loved me instead of you1 because ,i saw that you didn't love him1 only as a good comrade1 and didn't know that he loved you4 ,if you had loved him ,i don't think ,i should have been jealous1 because ,i love you so much40 ,both pairs of eyes were moist now4 ,cartice rearranged ,planchette1 and after kissing her friend's dainty hand placed it thereon again4 8,yes2 it is true1 ,i love you1 ,cartice1 and did from the beginning10 wrote the little board1 with the same impetuous dash4 8,i thank you for telling me10 said ,cartice1 humbly4 8,but how are we to be sure that you are ,prescott4 ,give us a proof if you can1 though it be only to write your name in the old way40 8,gordon ,prescott10 was instantly and rapidly written in the firm1 sharp-pointed handwriting characteristic of the man--a good fac-simile of the original signature1 even without making allowance for the clumsiness of the implement4 ,then came 8,good-night0 in the same hand1 and nothing could induce ,planchette to further movement4 ,they talked it over4 ,even ,chrissalyn was interested4 ,prescott writing through ,planchette did not seem like dead people coming back in the gruesome way she dreaded4 ,rather was it as though he had never died1 but only become invisible4 ,there was nothing about this to inspire terror4 ,after the first surprise of it1 it even seemed natural2 and it was a pleasure to have a word from him1 though it were of his love for another4 ,what matter8 ,she loved him1--that was enough4 ,and it was a comfort to know that he was sometimes near1 in spite of the fact that she had believed dead people ought to keep to themselves4 ,however1 with ,prescott it was different4 ,somehow he was not dead people4 ,then1 too1 the priestess had her vanity--a streak of the kind that wants appreciation for her ability as well as her beauty4 ,cartice's gifts of pen and pencil she had craved1 if not envied4 ,now that she knew she had a power her friend had not--one which ,cartice thought of inestimable value--she saw that this gave her additional importance in ,mrs4 ,doring's eyes1 hence she secretly plumed herself a little4 ,she consented to continuing their experiments with ,planchette on condition that no one else should ever be told4 ,were it known1 she would be called a 8spirit medium10 and that would be disgraceful1 unendurable4 ,they might say almost anything else of her and she wouldn't mind2 but to have that name fastened upon her would be a calamity4 ,a 8medium60 ,to her the word was beyond words in its despicable significance4 ,were not mediums a disreputable order of human buzzards1 who preyed upon the credulity and holiest emotions of honest folk8 ,were they not despised1 abhorred1 shunned and feared by the better class of society8 ,were they not ignorant1 frowsy1 ugly and generally dirty8 ,did they not invariably say 8sect0 when they meant 8sex10 and talk mind-weakening twaddle about 8controls10 8influences10 8impressions0 and so on1 in ,english that was in open warfare with all grammatical rules8 ,and were they not frequently chummy with invisible ,indians1--going about boasting that they were constantly attended by some 8,blackhawk10 8,fire-eye10 8,thunder-,tongue10 8,yellow ,feather10 or 8,crow-on-the-head10 who made them the mouthpieces of idiotic gibbering8 ,do they not come out of cabinets1 wearing trailing robes and tin crowns1 trying to palm themselves off as dead and gone kings and queens8 ,have they not an uncanny affinity for tables8 ,and do they not talk through trumpets1 ring bells and play other stupid pranks and lay the blame of it all on the defenceless dead8 ,had they not thrown discredit upon ,noah ,webster himself1 accusing him of a written message which said1 8,it is tite times08 ,truly their sins were as scarlet4 ,cartice admitted their iniquities without argument1 and promised her friend that never1 never1 even in her most secret thoughts would she call her a medium1 much less breathe the opprobrious epithet to others4 ,they went patiently on with their investigation1 devoting two evenings a week to ,planchette and telling no one4 ,it was by no means all fair weather work either4 ,they soon found that the only thing they could be sure of was that they could depend on nothing2 that with the intelligence which manipulated ,planchette no contract could be made4 ,they came1 or they came not1 just as it suited their good pleasure1 and were obedient to no mandate or appeal4 ,they were arbitrary always1 and1 as in most affairs of life1 it was the unexpected that happened4 ,from what the investigators could learn1 it would seem1 as ,mr4 ,w4 ,t4 ,stead says1 that although this world is queer the next appears to be queerer4 ,as they went on1 they held more and more to the belief that they were actually communicating with persons who had lived in flesh-and-blood bodies like our own1 and who still lived1 retaining the same characteristics that distinguished them here1 but invisible to our eyes--inhabitants perhaps of the much discussed ,fourth ,dimension of ,space4 ,at least1 one and all represented themselves as the persons whom we call dead1 but who live--live in a freer1 larger life4 ,occasionally they gave proofs of their identity so convincing that all doubt vanished4 ,they made it clear that the spark of divinity we call individuality is a persistent1 indestructible1 deathless thing4 ,again1 messages were written which were not only trifling and valueless1 but also unsettling4 ,however1 ,cartice and the pretty priestess went on1 feeling their way through laws as yet scarcely discernible1 but stupendous4 ,it was soon evident that each spirit could manifest its individuality through ,planchette as forcibly and unmistakably as is done here by means of epistolary correspondence--more clearly1 perhaps1 since when the little board writes1 its movements and general behavior betray the mannerisms of the unseen writer4 ,when a woman spoke through it the feminine touch was unmistakable1 and the writing itself showed the finer element of femininity4 ,it must be remembered that the ,butterfly1 as the visible operator1 was simply part of the implement4 ,the real writers were inhabitants of the unseen world4 ,these the two investigators sometimes spoke of as spirits1 though they realized that assuredly they were people like ourselves1 though existing under different conditions4 ,they were spirits1 without doubt2 yet so are we1 though most of us are unaware of our true being4 ,but few women came4 ,cartice was surprised at this1 and asked one the reason why4 ,she said the men were stronger1 and were so eager to write that they crowded women out and took possession of the opportunity4 ,hence it may be supposed that masculine selfishness is not eliminated from the character by dropping the body1 and that what we call brute strength1 7which is in reality1 strength of the spirit7 is still formidable where bodies1 as we know them1 are not4 ,it was noticeable that these invisible folk seldom spoke of themselves as dead4 ,they had almost no use for the word4 ,they spoke of those we call living as 8people still with you10 and of those whom we call dead as 8with us40 ,when asked if they knew such and such a person1 they sometimes met the question with the inquiry1 8,is he with you or with us80 ,at times they readily wrote during a whole evening1 first one1 then another1 and so on1 each writer showing a different personality by means of manner1 chirography1 style of speech and character of thought4 ,at such times page after page as large as the table top would be covered4 ,again1 evenings would pass with but trifling results1 and now and then no communication whatever would be received4 ,nor could the investigators learn the reason of this4 ,simply1 so it was1 and the fact had to be accepted without explanation4 ,the revelations were not always serious4 ,occasionally they were of clown-like jollity1 evidently proceeding from clownish intellects4 ,frequently the writers refused to give any clue to their identity1 and as for names there was a palpable avoidance of them that was puzzling4 ,occasionally a name would be given as readily as when its owner was here1 but usually friends and acquaintances revealed themselves by their peculiar characteristics and references to past events1 and this1 of course1 was the better method1 as any mischievous spirit could pretend to be somebody else1 if names were the sole reliance4 ,prescott came often1 and was always unmistakably ,prescott4 ,transition had not changed him4 ,his individuality1 so original1 distinct and strong1 was as conspicuous and recognizable1 revealed through the little board1 as when he had mingled with men1 uttering himself boldly1 without fear or favor4 ,sometimes he burst upon his two faithful friends like a tornado1 making ,planchette fly fiercely4 ,they could almost see him sweep others aside and take possession4 ,his speech was crisp1 keen and sparkling1 as in the old days1 but1 if possible1 he was less communicative about himself than ever4 ,when they questioned him on that point1 he made neat evasions2 but they gathered the impression that he was not entirely satisfied4 ,though he did not say so1 they could not help feeling that the activities of life here still attracted him1 and that he was not content at being unable to take part in them4 ,remembering his sneers and jeers at all belief in the extension of life beyond death1 in whatever form1 ,cartice reminded him of them1 and asked what he thought now of his previous errors4 ,with his customary frankness he answered3 8,i was a fool then2 but ,i confess now that ,i always believed far more than ,i would have acknowledged4 ,i was afraid you would think me weak if ,i admitted all ,i thought possible4 ,i was a coward1 you see1 though ,i showed precious little mercy to other cowards40 ,then she asked about his presentiment of happiness on his last evening on earth1 and he answered3 8,i suppose it was given me so ,i might know that the end of trouble and turmoil was at hand2 but ,i was blind1 as you all are1 and did not understand40 ,she begged him to relate his experiences in the new life from his first moment of consciousness4 ,to this entreaty he replied3 8,i will try to do so sometime when ,i am better instructed than now4 ,as yet ,i am too new here to tell you what you wish to know4 ,i have much to learn before ,i can be a safe teacher for anybody40 ,to many questions he made neither answer nor apology for his failure to answer4 ,it was plain that he could not1 would not or dare not tell much about the life he was now living4 ,once in response to a particularly direct question bearing on that1 he said1 with a shade of sadness in the words3 8,wait in patience1 and be as happy as you can till your time comes40 ,and again3 8,could you but see how things are carried on here you would know how foolish some of your questions are40 ,from this they gathered that conditions in the unseen world are vastly different from those we are familiar with here1 but in what respect they could form no idea4 ,he had been a strong advocate of cremation4 ,when asked if he still held to his former opinions on that subject1 he said3 8,to us it makes no difference what is done with the carcass4 ,to you it is important that it does not endanger the public health40 ,once when ,cartice remarked to her friend1 as they sat together awaiting ,planchette's pleasure1 that perhaps the disembodied people suffer because of the destruction of their bodies1 ,prescott sprang upon them in a kind of fury1 writing with savage haste3 8,do you suffer when you cut your finger-nails and throw away the cuttings8 ,or when you clip your hair and burn the clippings8 ,the body is of the same character1 mere waste material--cast-off clothes40 ,when asked why he did not always come when they called him and awaited him1 he said3 8,i wish you understood4 ,i come when possible1 but ,i cannot always control the matter40 ,sometimes ,cartice and ,chrissalyn devoted an afternoon to ,planchette1 but generally with less satisfactory results than when they experimented in the evening4 ,the reason of this they could not fix upon until ,prescott gave them a clue4 ,on one such occasion1 he said with petulance3 8,why do you call us in the broad day1 when we can give you more satisfaction at night8 ,day is your time for action1 but night is ours4 ,life here is the antithesis of life with you4 ,conditions are reversed40 8,may we inquire why you cannot do so well for us in the daytime when you do come80 ,mrs4 ,doring asked1 humbly4 8,because the vibrations of light are destructive to the power we make use of for purposes of communication with you40 ,this1 then1 is a rational explanation of the dark sances so much condemned by persons unacquainted with psychic law1 and which1 unhappily afford such fine opportunities for knavish deception4 8,you speak of our calling you4 ,does it really call you when we sit with the ,planchette and ask for you80 8,yes2 through a law it would be difficult for you to understand1 however carefully ,i might try to explain it4 ,even ,i as yet comprehend it but dimly4 ,your thought reaches us1 for thought is omnipotent in all the universe1 and is the finest form of electricity which travels with incredible speed4 ,your desire is a great force going forth to draw to you what you desire4 ,the law of demand is met by the law of supply throughout all worlds1 when it is properly set in motion4 ,your sitting expectantly1 with ,planchette as the instrument of communication1 makes a magnetic centre1 a veritable telegraph office to which we can come and through which we can transmit messages4 ,it is all done under law1 and so is everything in the universe4 ,find out the laws that govern your own being and there is no limit to your powers40 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,and ,,the ,,prophet ,,was ,,stoned4 ,those who believe1 as ,i do1 that spiritual beings can and do1 subject to general laws and for certain purposes1 communicate with us1 and even produce material effects in the world around us1 must see in the steady advance of inquiry and of interest in these questions the assurance that1 so far as their beliefs are logical deductions from the phenomena they have witnessed1 those beliefs will at no distant date be accepted by all truth-seeking inquirers4--,alfred ,russell ,wallace4 ,one ,sunday afternoon when the two friends sat together1 with ,planchette as telephone to the invisible world1 the responses were unusually prompt and full1 for a daytime effort4 ,prescott came and was in a most obliging mood1 as charming as of old4 ,without warning1 when in the middle of a long sentence that he was writing at his usual furious pace1 some invisible force drew the ,butterfly's arm from ,planchette and sent the little board flying across the room4 ,at the same instant she rose1 raised her right hand and pointed directly before her1 her face ashy and an unearthly look in her dilated eyes4 ,straining her faculty of sight ,cartice looked in the direction of her friend's outstretched finger1 but saw nothing4 ,in a few seconds the beautiful seeress sank to her chair exhausted1 with dry mouth and stiffened tongue1 like one who returns to consciousness after a deep faint4 ,mrs4 ,doring rushed for water for her to drink1 and cologne with which to lave her face1 embraced her1 and soothed her with reassuring words until she was herself again1 though more subdued and humble than ever before4 8,what was it1 dear80 asked ,cartice at last4 8,prescott10 she gasped4 8,he was as real in appearance as ever ,i saw him in life4 ,the scar on his left cheek was plain1 and the tooth in front that had been built up with gold was just as it used to be1 for he smiled and ,i saw it distinctly4 ,he spoke1 but ,i could not understand what he said4 ,he came so sudden1 and ,i was so frightened4 ,i hope he will never do that again4 ,it gives me a horrible feeling to see any of them40 ,after a little coaxing she touched ,planchette again1 to ask an explanation of the singular occurrence4 8,i did not mean to frighten you1 poor child10 wrote ,prescott1 8but ,i wanted to see if ,i could make myself visible to you for an instant4 ,the exhaustion you experienced afterward was not all owing to fright4 ,in order to appear to you ,i took a certain substance from your body with which to make myself visible4 ,i made my body1 for the moment1 out of yours4 ,that leaves you weaker1 but what ,i took will be restored to you4 ,this vital substance is everywhere1 and your body1 being a magnet1 attracts it to you1 particularly when you are out doors in the sunlight4 ,oh1 if you but knew the valve of sunshine1 and air--pure1 fresh air40 8,why couldn't ,i see you1 too80 ,cartice asked4 8,i should not be frightened2 but even so1 ,i am willing to be40 8,i have tried to lift the veil from your eyes1 but cannot40 8,but the scar and the tooth of gold8 ,were they not of the cast-off body only1 or do you have them still80 she asked4 8,the human eye must have that with which to identify those from this side1 so they are simulated as they last appeared in the flesh40 ,one evening1 when another was writing1 ,planchette was unexpectedly and violently flung to the floor1 by a blow on the ,butterfly's delicate arm1 from an unseen hand4 ,when order had been restored1 ,prescott took possession1 and it was plain to be seen that he was agitated4 ,he wrote3 8,i tried to prevent that1 but could not4 ,chrissalyn must be prepared to expect almost anything4 ,the situation here is incomprehensible to you40 8,what is it that makes the ,butterfly a medium1 if she will pardon the word80 ,cartice asked4 8,something for which there is yet no proper word4 ,you would call it1 magnetism4 ,she is wonderful1--powerful1 magnetic to the dead1 as you call us1 as well as to the living--you cannot imagine how much40 ,cartice had ever been sensible of a powerful and unaccountable attraction in her friend4 ,she had always loved to watch ,chrissalyn1 she knew not why1 loved to be near her and never wearied of her4 ,for others1 both men and women1 the ,butterfly possessed the same attraction4 ,if she wanted to ensnare the most wary masculine mortal1 she had only to cast her eyes upon him and he was hers4 ,if she wished for the good-will or friendship of a woman1 a smile and a pleasant word or two were all she need give in order to gain it4 8,tell me1 what is magnetism80 was the next question4 8,a power we cannot see but can feel--the power that attracts through all nature1 but ,i cannot define it1 for as yet ,i know very little about it myself40 ,when asked to explain his manner of using ,planchette1 ,prescott said3 8,when the ,butterfly's hand rests upon it we stand behind her1 with our hands above hers--a few inches above--and we move her hand and ,planchette by the power of magnetism40 8,why can't you use my hand as well as hers80 ,cartice asked4 8,because you are a positive4 ,your magnetism is of the controlling and not the controllable kind40 ,early in her investigations ,mrs4 ,doring learned that the people on the unseen side of life are like unto those seen1 in that there are good and bad1 wise and foolish1 busy and idle1 truth-tellers and liars1 sane and insane4 ,character there is exactly what it was here1 growing better if it aspire and worse if it be indifferent to growth1 for evolution apparently goes on forever and forever4 ,she learned1 too1 that a message was not necessarily infallible1 because it came from that we call a spirit4 ,frequently it was wofully fallible4 ,liars will lie and the mischievous make mischief wherever they are4 ,in short1 undeveloped souls1 no matter where they dwell1 give very direct evidence of their imperfection4 ,yet1 all things considered1 ,cartice met comparatively few obstacles in her study of psychic life and law4 ,much1 to be sure1 was inexplicable and perplexing2 but that which was satisfying outweighed all that was disheartening4 ,to the harmony existing between ,chrissalyn and herself she attributed the remarkable success of their efforts1 harmony being the key to all the secrets and forces of nature4 ,then too they sat with business-like regularity4 ,now she understood why the 8conditions0 for which professional mediums are such noted sticklers1 are necessary4 ,when we stop to think of it1 we see that we must comply with prescribed conditions to do anything4 ,if we send a letter through the post office1 the conditions imposed oblige us to stamp it properly and post it4 ,if we merely write the letter and fling it out of the window1 ignoring the needful conditions1 most assuredly it will never reach its destination4 ,if we wish to make a journey the conditions oblige us to go aboard whatever railroad carriage or ship will take us where we want to go4 ,the knowledge gained through ,planchette was precious beyond price to ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,is it not the answer to the riddle of the ages80 she asked herself4 8,does it not change the face of everything1 by giving us not only the key to death1 but to the great mystery of life8 ,in the light of this knowledge life takes on an importance1 a sacredness and responsibility formerly inconceivable4 ,heretofore we have hoped that it goes on beyond the destruction of the body1 now we know it does1 and that we are shaping our destiny by every thought and act--building indeed for eternity4 8,of what moment are the ills of life here1 with this glorious vista before us8 ,who1 having seen this light1 need be cast down by any earthly trouble8 ,in the face of it are not all the experiences which wring our hearts and drain us of our tears mere fictions or illusions8 8,since ,death is dead1 what is there to affright or distress us8 ,though to-day be lost1 to-morrow is ours4 ,though our dear ones pass out of sight there is neither separation nor bereavement4 ,scientific knowledge makes it plain that immortality is not dependent upon belief2 but is a fact in nature4 ,though we may wander in any part of the universe there is nothing to fear1 for we are indestructible4 ,disease1 war1 accident1 every terror known to man1 is swept out of existence by this indisputable demonstration of our deathlessness4 8,how poor and pitiful is the pursuit of happiness in which all engage here1 when seen by the light of this revelation6 ,is it not clear as sunshine that the purpose of life is not happiness1 as we misinterpret the word1 but growth8 ,and how shall we grow8 ,by getting knowledge of law and living according to that knowledge4 ,then we need seek no more for happiness for it will be one of our indestructible possessions--the happiness for which nature destined us1 but which consists not in external conditions1 but internal development40 ,under the influence of this knowledge ,mrs4 ,doring became transformed into a new being4 ,her previous life now seemed to have been simply a blind groping after the most unstable and foolish ideals1--a more intellectual childhood4 ,so uplifted and filled to overflowing was she with joy and gratitude that her face took on a new beauty that impressed even the least observing of her friends4 ,but one flavor of bitterness tinged her cup1 and that was that she was forbidden to share the glad tidings with others4 ,chrissalyn had been insistent that nothing be told1 and ,cartice was obliged to yield to her ruling on this point1 and also saw the necessity for it1 but longed fervently to gather in many dwelling in darkness and share her light with them4 ,why hide it under the bushel of timidity8 ,was not all the world searching for that which had come in beautiful simplicity and generous fulness to her8 ,how grateful others would be to know what she knew8 ,she was humbly1 profoundly grateful1 and of course they1 too1 would be4 ,after a time this pent-up fountain began to overrun its borders and trickle its way to other ears4 ,when she heard people bewailing the difficult and cruel conditions under which they suffered1 she could not help giving of her inexhaustible store of comfort4 ,she must say to them1 8,these things are unreal and of no moment4 ,your true life is above and beyond them always1 and is of unlimited possibilities here and hereafter40 ,and when they wept because of some slain lamb1 she said1 8,he is not dead2 he never died and never shall die4 ,this is an appearance only1 an illusion4 ,there is no death4 ,life goes on1 on1 without end1 ,i know it40 ,in order that they might believe and be comforted1 she related the experiences on which her assurances were based1 leaving out ,chrissalyn's name1 of course4 ,she met the fate of all who have lovingly tried to set poor1 ignorant humanity free from its self-imposed chains4 ,she was stoned4 ,some heard her with tolerant pity1 as we humor weak-minded people by pretending to accept their statements and vagaries1 but turned from the subject as quickly as they could4 ,not a few sneered openly1 and with the brutal frankness of small and self-satisfied minds coarsely expressed their contempt for her credulity4 ,others patronizingly said they believed in her honesty1 but were positive she was being deceived4 ,still others shrugged their shoulders in disgust1 saying that they loathed the 8supernatural10 and would none of it4 ,this benighted class labels their dead with that obnoxious word and shoves them out of mind as quickly as possible4 ,some of the contemptible creatures who advertise their lack of intelligence and breeding by putting their hands over their mouth when they talk to hide their impolite and ignorant grinning1 could not listen to ,cartice with naked lips at all4 ,but perhaps she was most astonished at the 8conventional believers who disbelieve10 those who accept all the spirit manifestations described in the book of their faith1 yet reject everything modern that helps to prove the truth of them4 ,some listened to her story and then asked the surprising1 the astounding question3 8,what good can come of it all1 even if it be true80 ,if the dead did not come to tell them how to make fortunate financial speculations1 or whom they are destined to marry1 they saw no use in their coming at all4 ,here and there ,mrs4 ,doring encountered some who took interest in her revelations as a matter of curiosity1 and wanted to gratify their love of wonder-mongering1 by seeing ,planchette at work4 ,a few1 a sacred few1 gave reverent ear1 and were eager to learn all they could of the marvelous and mysterious thing called life2 but these had become as little children--receptive1 and therefore were prepared to enter the kingdom of knowledge1 which is heaven4 ,but1 alas6 for the unfortunate many who cannot be enlightened1 because they are already wise in their own conceit4 ,having lived here a score or two of years they fancy they know all the ,creator's plans and purposes and can learn no more4 ,at the door of their mind they post a sentinel armed with a club1 whose duty it is to beat and drive away any stray angel in the guise of a thought or idea that may wander near4 ,some who did not want to be disturbed in their enjoyment of things external1 pettishly said3 8,all you tell may be true1 but one world at a time is my motto40 ,yet any one who said that a child should be left uninstructed and unprepared for the grown-up life ahead of him would1 very appropriately1 be called a fool4 ,cartice learned what all prophets and teachers have learned to their cost--that the world is in bondage to its own ignorance1 because it refuses to be liberated4 ,the minds of men are in thrall to a law we have but recently named--the law of hypnotism1 which is at once both the agent of darkness and of light4 ,everybody lives continually under hypnotic influence1 otherwise the power of suggestion4 ,what we call public opinion is thought that has massed itself into a barrier so formidable that only spirits the most heroic and dauntless dare assail it4 ,the many are fused together as one and become a gigantic hypnotizer of men4 ,it has been demonstrated a million times that if there is anything a man cannot do it is to stand out against the united thought of his fellow men4 ,human beings1 for the most part1 are in slavery to whatever thought has formed their environment1 8as neat prisoners as ever slept in jails40 ,in other words they are hypnotized and refuse to be aroused from their hypnotic sleep4 ,all who allow others to do their thinking live and die in a hypnotic trance4 ,the thought that is steadily thrown upon the minds of children year after year usually hypnotizes them for life4 ,this is proven in their religious leanings4 ,the majority follow the lead of their parents and it is the same in politics4 ,the boy is a democrat or republican1 because his father was4 ,we call it the force of early education1 but we might as well say early hypnotism4 ,the press is the greatest of hypnotic operators4 ,it makes public opinion through the hypnotic principle4 ,its daily reiteration puts the minds of impressionable readers into as profound a hypnotic trance as any professional operator ever achieves4 ,every orator who sways his audience does so by means of the hypnotic law1 and every writer who thrills his readers sets the same law in motion4 ,in it lies the power of all government1 from the primitive paternal to the broadest ,republic the earth has yet produced--the will of the passably intelligent few is imposed upon the less intelligent many4 ,even the most potent force known--the attraction that draws the sexes together1 operates largely through hypnotism1 or suggestion4 ,do we not become like that we hear and see and live among8 ,are we not the product of whatever thought we have absorbed during our life8 ,in short1 we are that thought embodied1 neither more nor less4 ,steady suggestion makes public opinion1 that terrible1 formidable1 irresistible wall against which new thought must beat and hack and storm for centuries sometimes before an incision can be made in it4 ,we are all more or less in an hypnotic sleep4 ,certain intellectual hair-splitters deprecate the use of the word1 hypnotism1 when employed to describe a condition of mind that is not sleep1 as we commonly use that term4 ,yet we may be awake to certain facts and asleep to others4 ,when one cannot see a truth for a time and then recognizes it1 we say he awakens to it4 ,was he not asleep as far as it was concerned before8 ,the hypnotic principle is as old as the human race4 ,yea1 the hills are young beside it4 ,by means of it we have become what we are1 and because of it our progress has been slow1 for the hypnotized subject holds to his illusions with a tenacity that throws barnacles into the shade4 ,we were hypnotized into the old thought that enslaves us1 and must be hypnotized out of it into that which shall set us free4 ,this law is operative far beyond our range of knowledge4 ,it links this world or this state of being1 rather1 to the one that follows it4 ,what is the spirit medium but a person under the hypnotic influence of a resident of the invisible world8 ,and many who do not dream of it are hypnotized to an astonishing extent by suggestions from the same source4 ,therefore1 it is not remarkable that ,cartice ,doring found nearly everybody holding aggressively to the thought that had formed them1 no matter how limited and erroneous it might be1 and ready to fight1 tooth and nail1 anything contrary to it4 ,they groaned in pain1 yet at a suggestion of relief from misery they but hugged it closer1 lest it be taken from them by force4 ,she did not expect any one to believe so tremendous a tale as she had to tell on hearsay evidence alone2 but she hoped to find some interest and desire to search and learn4 ,when many turned away and she grew heartsick because they would not let her help them with that which had helped her1 she thought she understood ,jesus weeping over ,jerusalem4 8,ye would not6 no2 ye would not60 is ever the cry of all who yearn to make the yoke easy and the burden light for humanity4 ,and yet no earnest effort made by any soul is entirely vain4 ,mrs4 ,doring found two who would among the many who would not--two who were eager to learn1 who begged for the chance4 ,they were the ,joys1 the last persons one would expect to turn their attention to anything not known by the name of pleasure4 ,as a matter of fact they were ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,hanley1 but everybody called them the ,joys1 because their days were an unbroken ripple of delight1 and they were continually making a joyful noise over something4 ,they joyed in each other1 in their children1 in their friends1 in their home1 in the world at large1 in life1 in everything4 ,all days of the year were for them days of jubilee4 ,everybody welcomed them because they carried with them a joyful atmosphere1 a little of which generally rubbed off and stuck to those whom they visited1 for a time at least4 ,a gay1 guiltless pair were they1 with no need of prayer1 and no sins to be forgiven1 so far as any one could see4 ,it may be wondered why they cared to learn anything about life's extension since they found this world so pleasant4 ,yet care they did1 and gladly turned from the impermanent things of the world that had delighted them to study reverently the great question of our destination4 ,chrissalyn liked them and was finally persuaded to let them enter ,planchette's charmed arena1 on condition that they tell it not in ,goth nor whisper it in ,askalon4 ,their very first experience was convincing beyond doubt or question4 ,all they had joyed in before was as nothing to the joy they found in the knowledge that came to them through the little board4 ,in spite of their pleasure-loving natures and phenomenal optimism1 they belonged to the thinking fraternity2 and now that their outlook was extended beyond the boundaries that so far had hedged them in1 they saw ahead an endless life of ,joy1 and that intensified and ennobled the joys of the present4 ,they had been happy always1 but now they were secure in their happiness--nothing could take it from them4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,tongues ,,of ,,angels4 8,when by suffering thou hast learned not to suffer--by passion learned calmness2 ,then shalt thou know what ,i am to thee--then shalt thou be ,a clean mirror where ,i am reflected--a face with a splendor which burns not6 ,past all pain1 seeing ,me thou shalt know ,me--the ,strength and the ,truth of ,thyself40 --,voltairine ,de,cleyre4 ,being may be called the poorest1 but it is at the same time the most marvelous concept of our whole mind4 ,it is the sine qua non of all we are1 we see1 we hear1 we apprehend and comprehend4 ,it is not our body1 nor our breath1 nor our life1 nor our heart1 nor what is most difficult to give up--our mind and intellect4 ,it is simply that in which all these reside--that1 in fact1 in which we move and have our being4 --,f4 ,max ,mller4 ,the truth of being and the truth of knowing are one4 --,bacon4 ,cartice and ,chrissalyn permitted the ,joys to join them in their investigations at certain times1 but for the most part they pursued their study of psychic life alone4 ,as they went on1 their experiences became more interesting and convincing4 ,in the new world opened to them they made new friends4 ,to be sure they could not see these friends1 but they learned to know them well1 to love them1 and to distinguish one from another as readily and certainly as though they were of the visible part of creation4 ,one of these new friends called himself ,moreau and won their hearts completely with his courteous speech1 kind instincts and gentle manners4 ,indeed1 after making his acquaintance they understood how little the personality depends upon that which we call the person1 which is but a mask1 as the word originally meant4 ,he came often and sometimes remained a whole evening1 kindly writing for those who had not yet learned to manipulate ,planchette1 and answering questions with well-bred patience and never-failing politeness4 ,when asked why he came to them and remained so faithful1 when he had not known them here1 he explained that he was attracted to both of them1 because they were magnetic to him2 but that beside1 it was his especial mission to make lonely women happier4 ,they learned to rely implicitly upon everything he said1 just as they did on the word of ,prescott1 whose strict truthfulness had been his one vanity4 8,how long is the act of dying80 ,moreau was asked4 8,it is longer for some than for others2 but you are sleeping at the time and know it not40 ,this statement was corroborated by the others4 ,they said the death-sleep in some cases was of several days' duration1--days as we reckon them here1 but there ,time's markings are unknown1 for ,time is not4 ,when ,moreau was asked whether he knew everything about his friends here1 present and to come1 he said3 8,not everything4 ,there are some things we are not permitted to know any more than you are40 8,do you pass on into other stages of existence--experience a change analogous to our dying here80 8,i think so2 but ,i am no more certain of that than you are about your future state40 8,how do you travel80 8,like lightning1 or even more swiftly4 ,we think of a place and in the same instant we are there4 ,this is a thought world4 ,so is yours1 but you are blind to the power of thought on your plane40 8,are you affected by the sorrows and pains of those you love1 who are still on earth80 8,we cannot help feeling the troubles of earth when they touch what you would call our heart-strings4 ,but1 as it were1 we see with larger eyes--we understand better the purpose of suffering and the good that comes out of it40 ,a friend to ,cartice who had achieved considerable eminence as an analytical author1 came occasionally4 ,in the noonday of success she went away1 after months of great physical suffering4 ,when asked whether she was happy1 she replied3 8,it is happiness to me to have no aching heart1 no pain1 no burning brow40 8,can you come to us when you please80 8,sometimes only1 not always4 ,i feel a restraint1 though no restraint seems put upon me40 8,how do you occupy yourself1 ,edith80 8,we do not have to occupy ourselves4 ,we are occupied by others only4 ,i cannot tell you better40 ,when questioned as to the kind of clothing used there1 she said3 8,the mist of earth is not a substance to be measured1 weighed or worn by you4 ,the material of our raiment is a thing of almost misty texture40 8,what is death80 8,to that question ,i will give you an explanation given me by one far wiser than ,i and much older in this realm of life3 #8,death simply denotes a rising from inactivity to action1 from obscurity to eminence1 awaking from sleep1 or promotion from an inferior condition4'0 8,is there a resurrection80 8,every death is a resurrection40 8,edith1 do you ever wish to be back here in the body80 8,never4 ,there would be nothing to gain and much to lose40 8,why is it that although you and others come and talk with us clearly and freely at times1 there is yet so much of your new life of which you tell us nothing80 8,there are many reasons1 which ,i am not permitted to give1 nor could you understand them4 ,i myself comprehend them but dimly4 ,i simply obey the law40 8,what is the judgment1 if there is a judgment80 8,for me it is the beholding of my mistakes40 8,what is the most wonderful phase of your present life1 if ,i may be pardoned for so bold a question80 ,cartice asked4 8,the knowledge that love is all there is--that it fills all universes2 lights all worlds2 encompasses every soul1 and is the life of every soul4 ,this is as true of your world as of ours2 but nearly all there refuse to believe it4 ,here we cannot doubt it--that is1 those who have love in their own hearts cannot doubt it4 ,those who love not do not know it1 for all is darkness to them2 but that darkness disappears when they begin to love40 8,what is love80 8,the living principle of good1 which by a law that includes and governs all that is1 constantly flows out from the infinite centre4 ,the more you have of it the more of good in its highest and best form will you receive1 because it is the greatest of all magnets1 irresistibly attracting its like4 ,love is ,god4 ,god is love4 8,you are destined to realize this fully some day2 but you might realize it even now if you would1 and then the whole face of the earth would change and become new and beautiful4 ,heaven1 indeed1 would be opened4 ,but the love ,i speak of is not the sentiment that usually goes by that name on earth1 which too often is but an exaggeration of self1 a kind of sublimated selfishness1 going out to special persons with whom your lives are intertwined and whose well-being particularly conduces to your own4 ,no1 no2 the love that is ,god is universal in its application1 enfolding the humblest and most wayward as well as the highest and most perfect4 ,cultivate this love and you will find heaven even on the earth4 ,all good will come to you4 ,it is the kingdom of righteousness spoken of in your scriptures1 to which1 if you first seek and attain1 all other things shall be added4 ,love1 even in its crudest1 most selfish expression and narrowest interpretation yet has in it a spark of the divine principle from the great source or centre which lights and gives life to all worlds and all consciousness40 8,if you could give us but one precept to live by1 what would it be80 8,that which was given you by the beloved disciple3 ,love one another1 for love is1 indeed1 the fulfilling of the law4 ,but remember that #8one another' includes all that live4 ,the law is not fulfilled when you only love those of your own household1 or such as minister to your enjoyment40 8,what are we here for8 ,what is the purpose of life80 8,what is the purpose of any school8 ,is it not to fit its pupils for that which is to follow80 8,how can we best do that80 8,by the unfoldment of your souls or selves--the best possible development of every unit4 ,your ethics have taught you to aim at the highest good to the greatest possible number2 but the true ethics of love are only content with the highest possible good to each individual40 8,how do the things of earth appear to you now--the things we value and strive for so hard1 wealth1 fame1 power1 pleasure80 8,as veils1 or illusions which keep you from seeing the great and glorious light of truth--soap-bubbles1 glistening and beautiful to the eye1 but absolutely empty40 8,do you not suffer at separation from friends here80 8,there is no separation4 ,we are all one--all closely and indissolubly united--and that one includes what is in your world as well as worlds upon worlds1 far1 far1 beyond my power of imagination--all that is1 or was1 or ever shall be4 ,sometimes death unites us more closely than ever to those still upon earth40 8,does not the spirit sometimes faint with fear1 when it first becomes aware that it has left the body forever80 8,it was not so with me4 ,i was prepared4 ,during my long illness ,i thought much of the future1 knowing that the end of what you call life was near4 ,in my mind ,i dropped the robe of flesh without regret1 feeling that annihilation or anything that set me free from pain would be welcome4 ,when at last ,i found that the silver--7otherwise the electrical7 cord--was loosened and the body left behind1 the experience seemed natural4 ,true1 it was not without awe1 but that feeling of awe arose from the light and beauty1 the newness and yet the familiarity of that on which ,i had entered4 ,yet it is not all new1 for we still have the old1 but understand it better--we see it with more comprehensive eyes--from a larger and higher outlook40 8,is there anything there to depress or sadden you80 8,to depress me1 no2 yet something akin to oppression ,i sometimes feel1 because of the vastness1 the immensity1 the endlessness of everything4 ,doubtless you experience the same feeling often1 when you look up at the stars and the mind is staggered and shrinks back upon itself at the majesty and grandeur of creation4 ,but do not forget that the experiences of no two souls are exactly alike here1 any more than on earth4 ,that which this state of consciousness means to us1 or holds for us1 depends upon the degree of enlightenment we have attained before entering it--upon our mental1 moral and spiritual attitude1 our aspirations and desires--or character1 or in short on what we have become40 8,can you make things there1 as here--shape things out of crude material1 ,i mean80 8,we have no crude material4 ,we have to do only with the finer forces4 ,with us the idea creates4 ,we form the idea1 and lo6 it immediately is4 ,we think1 and the thought takes visible form4 ,wonderful as this may seem to you1 it is nevertheless as true of your world as of this1 only the method is slower4 ,the idea is always the true creation1 but to make it objective you must give it form with the hands1 out of material substance4 ,the imagination is the creative realm40 8,have we each a guardian angel80 8,yes2 every soul has a guide or helper1 who ever works to incline one to good1 and away from evil1 yet leaves the will free4 ,you1 yourself1 not he1 must make the decisions4 ,he suggests1 but does not lead40 8,who is my guardian angel80 ,cartice asked4 8,who could he be if not one who loves you80 ,once only ,louis ,doring came4 ,he was the same as when here1 full of self and empty of all else4 ,cartice did not encourage him to come again1 feeling the distance between them to be greater than ever1--a distance measured by an absence of sympathy1 which is the only distance known to the soul4 ,after uttering some of the flavorless nothings which ever characterized his conversation1 he went and came no more4 ,chrissalyn's great dread1 frequently expressed1 was that her husband or some of her near kindred might come4 ,as long as none of her own household came1 ,planchette did not seem uncanny2 but again and again she declared that if any one of them came she would be wretched for the rest of her life4 ,colonel ,layton did not respect her wish1 however4 ,one night he took her unawares1 as it were4 ,giving ,planchette a peculiar spin1 he wrote his name as characteristically as he had ever done in life4 ,when ,chrissalyn saw the signature1 she burst into uncontrollable sobbing1 and begged him to go away4 ,cartice consoled her1 and implored her to let him remain1 while she talked a few moments with him1 and this at last ,mrs4 ,layton consented to do4 8,don't cry1 ,chriss10 he wrote4 8,i knew you didn't want me to come2 but ,i wish to tell you that ,i am better here than there1 just as you are far better without me4 ,so it is well as it is4 ,i was a poor devil there for a fact2 but ,i'm on the up-grade here40 ,chrissalyn wept afresh1 but heroically went on1 and the ,colonel wrote3 8,mrs4 ,doring1 why didn't you attend my funeral80 ,cartice looked aghast1 the question1 at first blush1 being so extraordinary4 ,at some length she explained that she was too ill to go4 ,evidently reading her unspoken thought1 he wrote3 8,yes1 ,i was present--the real ,i as well as the silent image of me in the box4 ,i looked around at my leisure1 and saw everybody there4 ,i wondered at your absence1 you and ,chriss being such close friends4 ,besides1 you were always nice to me1 too1 ,god bless you60 ,at this tribute to her kindness from beyond the grave ,cartice dropped a grateful tear4 ,the ,colonel's nature had something childlike and sweet in it1 in spite of its many defects4 ,most of his faults had been of a peevish and childish order4 8,thank you1 ,colonel ,layton10 ,cartice answered4 8,i am glad to hear from you40 8,mrs4 ,doring1 do you remember the conversation ,i had with you an hour or so before ,i made the final journey80 8,perfectly40 8,i sang about death being a narrow sea that divides your world from the land of pure delight4 ,well1 it's a very narrow sea--so narrow we can step across4 ,in fact it isn't a sea at all1 for the two worlds are not really divided4 ,they only seem to be40 ,several times ,mrs4 ,layton's friend1 ,jessie1 came4 ,when asked whether she threw flowers at her own funeral1 she said she did2 that she knew beforehand that ,chriss had the faculty of seeing certain things others could not1 and had it in mind before she went away that she would do something to prove that death was only an illusion4 ,cartice's great grandfather1 who died before she was born1 came and wrote his name in full1 which she did not herself know4 ,he told things pertaining to the family1 which she afterward verified1 among them being the name of the political party to which he belonged1 and which had long been extinct4 ,his handwriting was of an older style1 and he wrote with a deliberation uncommon in the present day4 ,some communications purported to come from ,north ,american ,indians1 mighty chiefs and stalwart braves with great dignity of manner and imposing names4 ,after a time1 however1 ,cartice inclined to the opinion that both the manner and the names were masks used to conceal identities that did not wish to be known4 ,they spoke in the figurative style attributed to gifted red men1 and for the most part their messages were interesting and instructive4 ,once when ,mrs4 ,doring was very tired and discouraged one of them wrote3 8,is it not a pleasure to the squaw to convince the braves and old men that she teaches many truths8 ,she must not let the ink dry in her horn1 for she can carry many braves with her in the councils40 ,again1 apparently overhearing the two investigators of psychic law talk of some poor1 pitiful1 hide-bound persons who found fault with everybody that did not revolve within their pint-measure orbit1 this same ,red ,feather1 as he called himself1 wrote with emphatic force3 8,be not tied by the ways of others4 ,the eagle cannot fly with the wings of a chicken40 ,one evening ,prescott wrote a few minutes and then excused himself from further work1 saying that something had just occurred which made him too nervous to write4 ,his two friends looked at each other in speechless astonishment4 ,here was a mystery beyond other mysteries4 ,too nervous8 ,were not nerves but parts of the body1 destined to dust with the rest of it8 ,evidently understanding their amazement1 he added this line after a moment's pause3 8,incredible as it may seem to you1 ,i still have nerves40 ,once when ,chrissalyn was peevish and dissatisfied1 she said she had a mind to give up fooling with ,planchette2 that it was scary and risky1 and there was no telling what was at the bottom of its queer doings4 ,prescott came like a flash to the rescue1 fearful that she would put her threat into execution1 and so cut off communication entirely4 8,o ,butterfly1 dear1 don't do that6 ,please don't1 for my sake10 he pleaded1 with an earnestness that touched their hearts4 8,you do not appreciate this grand1 beautiful privilege1 which to me is so precious4 ,who1 besides you can do this--converse freely with friends so far away that the railroad has never been made that can reach them80 ,somewhat mollified by his pathetic tribute to her extraordinary psychic gifts1 she grumbled that for his sake she wouldn't give up ,planchette4 ,he continued3 8,had ,i known as much about the unknown future1 when on earth1 as you do1 ,i should have thought myself wise1 indeed4 8,it astonishes me now to remember that ,i ever doubted the persistence of the individual1 the continuousness of life4 ,fools who think themselves savants will tell you to have nothing to do with spirits1 not to encourage them to come back1 as that interferes with their progression1 and other rubbish of the same sort4 ,such persons know nothing of the laws of progress here4 ,the two worlds--in fact all worlds--are one and the same4 ,your best interests and ours are identical4 ,there is no differentiation4 ,frequently our work lies entirely with you4 ,what higher mission could one have than to cheer and strengthen the disheartened and fainting ones of earth8 ,we help you1 and you in turn often help us4 ,what would you think of a friend who told you never to come and visit him1 but to go on and progress by yourself8 ,well1 spirits are simply human beings living under conditions as yet not understood by you4 ,many of them are your friends1 whom you would not dream of treating discourteously while they were with you visibly4 ,the pupils of your schools go from grade to grade4 ,those of the highest grade are not prohibited from contact with those of the primary1 if they wish it1 and often they return there as teachers4 ,the division between your world and ours only exists for those not yet far enough developed to understand its non-existence4 ,it is not real1 but only an appearance4 ,it exists only in the consciousness of those ignorant of the great law of oneness which is operative everywhere4 ,and this is true of many things that seem very real to you4 ,they only exist in your consciousness4 ,also that which is not within your consciousness has no existence for you whatever4 ,we are one--all the peoples of all universes1 and all are moving upward into light by means of the process called evolution1 which is the unfolding and perfecting of man1 who is spirit1 not clay40 8,are we ever reborn into this world80 8,i am told that rebirth is one of the many methods open to the soul for progression40 8,can you see our future in this world80 8,some have this faculty4 ,i have not4 ,they only see the main incidents1 as a traveler1 looking from a high hill1 sees a guide-post ahead in the valley40 8,are we ever entirely alone80 8,never4 ,there is always the cloud of witnesses of which ,paul spoke40 ,a stranger came sometimes whose character was of an antique mould4 ,he gave no name1 but others1 when questioned about him1 said he had been one of the great of earth1 and also one of the good--none greater since ,jesus4 8,what is the soul of man80 ,cartice asked him4 8,can any one comprehend ,god80 was his reply4 8,i do not understand10 she persisted4 8,eternal being mirrors itself in every existence--is every existence4 ,when you know that indefinable1 illimitable1 deathless and divine manifestation called the soul1 you will know ,god1 for in the one is imaged or reflected the other4 ,remember1 eternal being is the background of every existence40 ,looking at these words fresh from an intelligence whose habitation earthly eye hath not seen1 ,cartice ,doring thrilled with a strange joy1 in sympathetic vibration with the wave of truth that touched her spirit4 ,for one hallowed moment the great gates opened and she saw a light more beautiful than the light of the morning1 more glorious than the light of many suns1 softer1 brighter1 more beatific than was ever on sea or land1 for lo6 she saw the reflection of the soul itself1 and understood its infinite source and deathless destiny4 ,in that ineffable moment she knew that it never had birth and never should know death1 and that separateness was not of it1 nor was it divisible from aught there is1 and difference there was none4 ,on the bosom of eternal being it rested secure through a thousand illusions4 ,the key that unlocked all mysteries was revealed by a flash of the soul's own light4 ,pale and trembling she bent her head till it lay on the written words of the nameless stranger1 and closed her eyes that she and the great white light might be alone together4 99 99 99 99 99 ,thousands of years ago an ,indian sage1 when parting from his wife1 said3 8,we do not love the husband in the husband1 nor the wife in the wife1 nor the children in the children4 ,what we love in them1 what we truly love in everything is the divine spirit1 7the eternal atman1 the immortal and absolute self70--and as we should add1 says ,max ,mller1 the immortal ,god1 for the immortal self and the immortal ,god must be one4 ,life's boundless extension and endless progression was ever the uppermost thought in ,mrs4 ,doring's mind4 ,in it she found consolation for all ills1 as well as explanation of them4 ,she pitied those still blind to this tremendous fact4 ,what had they to uphold them in the terrible conflict we make of life8 ,what of the literature that only reaches the grave and there halts1 unable to go further8 ,is it not the literature of children1 useful only to amuse and entertain them in idle hours8 ,she had adored the art of letters1 had made a fetich of it1 paying homage to its great names and walking in its fair gardens with reverent steps4 ,now she asked herself what literature had done for the voiceless army of the dead4 ,what representation had they in its pages8 ,the dead1 the sacred dead1 the beloved dead1 what had letters done to bridge the stream that separates them from the living8 ,poets had sent them to a far-off heaven or plunged them into a flaming hell to suit their moods and meters4 ,romancers had used them as spectres to come upon the scene at inopportune moments and treat their readers to thrills4 ,they were flippantly spoken of as 8spooks10 8ghosts10 8apparitions10 and 8supernatural appearances40 ,they were good stock in certain brands of stories which nobody believed in1 and occasionally they were allowed to have a bit of business on the stage4 ,witless witlings had sneered at their claims to recognition1 and writers of many minds1 however they differed on other points1 were generally united in the effort to keep the dead1 one and all1 from rising4 ,authors of romances found death a convenience in disposing of inconvenient characters of their own creation4 ,when they could not manage them effectively any other way1 they slaughtered them remorsely1 and that was the end of them2 that put them out of both writers' and readers' way for all time4 ,not even the good always escaped this doom4 ,if readers could be entertainingly harrowed and wrought upon by the demise of the most angelic heroine1 she had to die1 and that finished her for friends and foes4 ,at the grave everything ended4 ,there love laid its treasures and turned hopelessly away2 and there hate sheathed its poniard in satisfaction1 having reached its extreme limit4 ,now ,cartice ,doring saw clearly that there are no finalities here2 that the grave is not the end2 that it never imprisoned a human soul4 ,she saw that a new literature must come forth to satisfy minds of larger growth1 which look upon death1 not as a finality1 but a change of costume and the opening of a new act4 ,and this literature must go to the point1 straight and clear2 it must seek the solution of life's problem and not merely amuse and beguile travelers on the journey4 ,many a night1 while she walked home after an evening's talk with her unseen friends1 she felt in touch with all the universe4 ,nothing was far off1 not even the stars1 which looked down upon earth with tender human sympathy in their bright faces4 ,she feared nothing1 and knew no loneliness1 feeling herself attended by an innumerable company4 ,already she believed that what ,kant said will yet be proved1 8that the human soul1 even in this life1 is by an indissoluble communion connected with all the immaterial natures of the spirit world1 acting upon them1 and receiving impressions from them40 ,now she understood more clearly the meaning of this statement by our greatest philosopher1 ,emerson3 8every man is an inlet to the ,divine mind and to all of that mind40 ,yes1 and an outlet1 also4 ,now1 now she began to see that 8the spirit of man is a personal limitation of the supreme spirit10 as another philosopher says2 that 8,god is the all of man's life1 the power of man at bottom being the power of ,god40 ,now she could understand that 8what we call the material universe is but the manifestation of infinite ,deity to our finite minds02 and that 8our individual self is found10 as the ancient wisdom of the ,east1 and likewise ,jesus and ,paul1 affirms1 8included in the contents of the ,absolute ,being or ,self40 8,eternal ,being mirrors itself in every existence10 she murmured reverently2 8,eternal ,being1 and we are it40 ,the pulsing1 eager1 feverish life of the city was stilled4 ,its people slept1 at least they were asleep to the truth1 and refused to be awakened4 ,thousands of ,ephraims1 joined to their idols1 dwelt contentedly in their fools' paradise1 asking to be let alone4 ,and what were those idols8 ,mists of their own creation1 perishable and unreal--for nothing endures1 nothing is real but being1 ,eternal ,being4 ,like the wayward sons and daughters of old ,jerusalem1 they will not be gathered under the wing of even divine wisdom4 ,the old dreams of childhood came back1 with their perplexing reminiscence of life in a land remote in the past1 whose people knew not misery4 ,had she lived before8 ,yes1 always4 ,how could it be otherwise with ,eternal ,being as the background1 the source and centre of her existence8 ,for this there was neither beginning nor end4 ,was she not an indestructible part of all that is1 was and ever shall be8 ,behind her was no birth2 before her no death4 ,these were but 8world-fictions40 ,and what was she8 ,one of the millions of conscious atoms that make up the great whole--a woman walking the path alone1 with a dash of genius1 original1 creative1 commanding1 it was said1 and a force of will and character that made her respected and conspicuous among other atoms4 ,whence came the genius and the force of character8 ,from the infinite ocean of intelligence and creative energy--from the one source and the one force4 ,why had she gifts and qualities others had not8 ,because she had reached upward toward the light2 she had aspired1 and as a consequence had expanded and grown4 ,she had mirrored more of the supreme intelligence than many others1 because she had desired it and had held her mind receptive to it4 ,all her life at times she had been a prey to a deep dissatisfaction4 ,an unspoken unrest1 a profound melancholy lay beneath her sunniest hours1 and she had experienced a yearning of the soul for that which perhaps no mortal ever attains4 ,but now in these nights when she walked alone under the stars1 illumined within by the light of truth1 there were moments when her spirit vibrated in unison with the great spirit or self of the universe1 and she was satisfied4 ,she saw humanity1 like a mighty river rolling slowly to the sea1 each drop blending with others1 and all impelled by a resistless force that bore them onward1 they knew not whence nor whither4 ,this river was rolling toward the ocean of truth1 there to enjoy the freedom which was its divine destiny1 and which each atom or drop could only reach by recognizing1 living and becoming the truth4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,simple ,,way4 8,life1 with all it yields of joy and woe and hope and fear1 ,is just our chance o' the prize of learning love1 ,how love might be1 hath been1 indeed1 and is40 --,robert ,browning4 ,talking with ,gabriel ,norris one day1 ,mrs4 ,doring could not refrain from telling him some of her astonishing psychic experiences4 8,i have long known10 he said1 8that they whom we call dead are more alive than we are4 ,i1 too1 have talked with them4 ,like ,st4 ,paul ,i am a spiritualist1 a word which generally excites fear and horror in unenlightened minds4 ,i preach spiritualism1 plain and pure1 but ,i don't name it4 ,sometimes it is best not to label one's knowledge4 ,it only prejudices the ignorant against it1 and builds a fence around one's own mind as well as around one's neighbor's4 ,a name is a limitation4 ,that's one reason why ,i cannot work in any organization4 ,i keep my spirit free1 ever ready to absorb more truth1 and ,i preach a free gospel1 which1 like all things else is susceptible to the influence of new light4 ,truth is not all revealed to any man4 ,little by little one learns to know a greater degree of it1 and so grows more and more free from error4 ,what is evolution but a gradual growing out of darkness into light8 ,the proof that we live again is of tremendous importance1 because with it comes the knowledge that every thought as well as every deed helps in the building of our souls and our eternal destiny4 ,that we shall live always is a fact in nature1 but in what estate depends upon ourselves1 upon our thoughts1 aspirations and efforts1 for man is the expression1 or sum1 of his desires4 ,here or elsewhere they shall be realized40 ,gabriel wished he might have the great pleasure of a word with ,prescott1 whom he loved4 ,chrissalyn granted permission1 and he went one evening to see the wonders of ,planchette4 ,prescott obligingly came1 and when ,gabriel1 with tears shining in his eyes asked if he had any particular message for him1 answered3 8,only to thank you for your good words about me in the church1 when ,i could not speak for myself40 ,gabriel had been one of several friends1 orthodox and unorthodox1 who made brief addresses at ,prescott's funeral1 which1 by the grace of a liberal-minded and great-hearted minister1 was held in a church1 in spite of the fact that the dead editor was a bold unbeliever4 ,at these grateful words the eyes of the gentle preacher glistened and his voice wavered with feeling1 as he said3 8,you deserved all the praise ,i gave you4 ,you did your best4 ,you spoke truth and lived truth as you saw it4 ,none can do more40 ,in saying this ,gabriel unconsciously raised his voice higher and higher till he ended in a shout1 so natural was it to think of ,prescott as far off because he was out of sight4 8,thank you again1 ,gabriel10 he wrote2 8but let me tell you1 that although ,i used to be a little deaf1 ,i hear perfectly well now40 ,gabriel laughed heartily as it dawned upon him that he had been shouting at his invisible friend1 and thought ,prescott must be laughing too4 8,are all cured of their physical defects over there80 ,gabriel asked4 8,not immediately1 for illness or wholeness is a matter of the consciousness1 and that cannot be completely changed at once4 ,it is all progression1 growth1 expansion1 but it takes what you call time to effect it4 ,there is plenty of work for you1 ,gabriel1 here as well as there40 8,i am glad of that10 said the unordained preacher4 8,an idle heaven would be hell for me4 ,man's desire for action and his pleasure in it are strong evidence of his immortality4 ,were death--extinction--his destiny1 somehow he would have known it1 and would have been indolent instead of busy4 ,it is true that much of his work is impermanent and useless or worse than useless2 but it is the effort he puts forth1 the exercise of will1 that is the valuable part of it4 ,that which he is really building through all his blundering and the only part of his work that endures1 is character40 8,truth1 ,gabriel6 ,you speak immortal truth10 ,prescott wrote4 8,now1 good-night40 8,do you really believe you have been talking with ,gordon ,prescott80 ,cartice asked4 8,yes10 said ,gabriel1 simply4 8,i could not prove it to others2 neither can ,i prove that a letter is from the person whose name is signed to it1 without his personal affirmation1 and even that is only valuable in proportion to his reputation for truth-telling4 ,most of what we call proofs of anything is flimsy and fallible40 8,i want to tell you1 ,mr4 ,norris10 said ,cartice1 speaking with feeling1 8that ,i owe you far more than you are aware of4 ,you first gave me light1 and you were a mascot for me1 besides1 in worldly success4 ,through meeting you the tide of my fortune1 the day ,i met you1 turned from ebb to flow4 ,the drawing ,i made of you opened the door of opportunity for me4 ,but giving me light was the greatest service4 ,that day1 in your lecture at the market house you told us we were not here simply to be happy2 that happiness as we pictured it1 was not the purpose of existence2 that we were here to learn and to grow to the perfection nature intended1 as a plant or a tree grows4 ,in other words1 we are to unfold from the seed and express our true being4 ,up to that time1 like everybody else1 ,i had made the hunt for happiness my chief aim4 ,when1 in consequence of that1 ,i found myself swamped in misery1 ,i considered myself injured1 and felt sure somebody was to blame4 ,i could not see that ,i1 myself1 was the culprit2 that the selfish search for happiness must lead directly away from that condition4 ,ah1 ,i suffered much1 much up to that time2 but ,i see the uses of it now4 ,i was being educated by the only means possible4 ,had ,i secured the kind of happiness ,i was looking for1 ,i should still be in darkness4 ,it was the ideal of an undeveloped mind4 ,now ,i see plainly that the spiritual side of suffering is good4 ,it means birth--the birth of knowledge1 of light1 of truth4 ,i don't think suffering is #8sent upon us1' as many good people assert4 ,we pursue false ideals and they bring us to grief2 but through that suffering we find the true ideals4 ,suffering becomes our teacher4 ,truth1 which is good1 is ever struggling to express itself through us2 but in our ignorance we oppose and obstruct it1 and that makes pain for us4 ,all suffering comes from our obstinate opposition to good1 though we are usually unconscious of it till our eyes are opened4 ,i thank you again for helping me4 ,since that day suffering has fallen away from me to a great extent4 ,as soon as ,i became willing to suffer in order to get on the right road1 ,i ceased to suffer4 ,strange law1 but true4 ,and so ,i argue that when we cease to pursue happiness or think about it we shall possess it40 8,yes1 it has long been clear to me that we are not here to hunt happiness2 though ,i doubt not that every human soul is destined to be happy2 but it will be an order of happiness most unlike the common dream4 ,even here it could be found1 if we sought it where the master told us to look4 ,did he not say that the kingdom of heaven is within us8 ,it is a state of consciousness4 ,he told us how to attain it1 too4 ,how simple the way6 ,only to love one another4 ,this1 indeed would make heaven for us all4 ,that is what we are here to learn--that is the chief end of man1 for1 when we learn that1 we shall know all the law--all there is to learn1 and shall have reached the full development which is the purpose of our existence4 ,how simple the way6 ,we have no call to go forth and reform our erring brother2 to devise schemes to save his soul2 to build barriers to put temptation out of his way2 to weave nets to ensnare him to our faith4 ,we have only to love him4 ,thus shall we fulfill all the law2 thus shall we do all we have to do4 ,neither are we here to do good4 ,even this is not our work in life4 ,many well-meaning people busy themselves1 and bluster about doing good1 from their point of view4 ,oftener than not they put their ,father's house in disorder4 ,we are to be good4 ,then the doing of good comes without effort4 ,we are here but for one purpose1 and that is to learn and therefore grow4 ,to learn that we are the sons and daughters of ,god--otherwise supreme wisdom1 love1 life1 light and intelligence4 ,the more we recognize this infinite source of our being the more of it we reflect and become1 the more perfect our development4 ,and how shall we do this8 ,in the simple way we were told--only by loving one another4 ,this is the purpose of our creation4 ,this includes all there is to know1 and to become4 ,this is the perfection at which we were told to aim4 ,this sets our feet on the road to happiness40 8,what is the body80 ,cartice asked4 8,perhaps it is the objective side of our existence on this plane--the self as it appears to others1 but not as it really is40 ,after ,gabriel was gone ,chrissalyn said with a yawn3 8,cartice1 you and ,gabriel tire one all out bothering about the #8purpose of life1' the soul and the body and so on4 ,what's the good of heating your heads about such things8 ,just to slip through easy1 is all ,i'm asking now40 8,yes1 dear2 but you are a ,butterfly and have a butterfly's standard4 ,gabriel and ,i aim to be gardeners1 who make it possible for butterflies to circle about and enjoy themselves without bad boys catching them and pulling their wings off4 ,but you have grown astonishingly1 since ,i first knew you1 in spite of yourself4 ,you used to find nothing better to do than kill time with a procession of admirers4 ,now you have outgrown that4 ,and you were dependent on your husband for your very bread4 ,now you are able to stand on your own feet1 and are a self-supporting1 useful member of society4 ,don't you see1 dear1 that the lesson every soul must learn sooner or later1 here or elsewhere1 is to be able to stand alone8 ,each of us1 woman or man1 must fulfill the purpose of creation1 which is to grow toward perfection1 and we can't do that by leaning on somebody else4 ,woman is a human being as is man1 and is responsible for her own destiny4 ,the responsibility can't be put upon another40 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,it ,,is ,,well ,,with ,,the ,,child4 ,fair are the flowers and the children1 but their subtle suggestion is fairer2 ,rare is the roseburst of dawn1 but the secret that clasps it is rarer4 --,richard ,realf4 ,mrs4 ,doring had a friend1 a gentle1 patient1 heavily-burdened woman who lived her difficult life with the high heroism of a daughter of the gods4 ,though fragile as a flower she kept the wolf at bay for her little family1 and nobody ever saw a cloud on her face or heard a complaint from her lips4 ,born and bred to the refinements of life she met adversity as only the gently bred do meet it--by taking hold of whatever work was at hand1 without questioning whether it was what is miscalled menial or not4 ,when her baby girl was born she begged ,cartice to name her1 which she did1 giving her the name of the little sister who had died when she herself was a child--,isabel4 ,to her mother's great delight she grew to resemble ,mrs4 ,doring as though of her flesh and blood1 and loved her in the same degree4 ,now she was nearly three years old1 bright and winsome1 with never a day's illness in her record4 ,but a fever came1 and behind that stood the last enemy1 who1 however often routed1 is sure to return sometime and win the battle4 ,this was the time of his victory4 ,in the night1 when all was silent without1 and solemn within1 he came4 ,cartice had the baby in her arms in the last precious1 awesome moments4 ,the wasted little hand reached up and silently stroked her face1 and the soft1 dark eyes1 unearthly large and earnest1 looked at her with unutterable love4 ,something else1 too1 was in their speechless depths--a message not easy to translate1 but it brought comfort4 ,then1 that mysterious thing1 the breath1 which connects us with the universal life principle1 ceased2 the cold white veil dropped down1 and little ,isabel was dead4 ,after holding the silent form close to her heart a moment1 ,cartice laid it gently on the bed1 and the two mother hearts so sorely bereft stood silent but tearless beside it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,later1 when it was ready for its bed in the bosom of the earth1 and again together they looked down at its white silence1 ,cartice said3 8,she shall know no evil thought2 she shall do no evil deed2 she shall tread no evil path4 ,it is well with the child40 8,yes1 in spite of my sore heart1 it is well10 said the mother4 8,i surrender her not to death1 but to a larger life1 and shall not mourn4 ,no matter what comes1 she is safe4 ,my darling's safe--safe and dead4 ,since her father's death ,i have been troubled at times with fears for her future4 ,i face the inevitable--a few months more here1 and then--the end4 ,for the two boys ,i have arranged4 ,they will have homes and care1 but it would have tried my courage to leave this one ewe lamb40 8,i would have been a mother to ,isabel had you gone first10 said ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,i am sure of that2 but you1 too1 may not tarry here long4 ,why should we ever worry about the future8 ,in spite of all our planning and troubling all is managed by a higher hand4 ,we have only to do the work of the hour1 leaving what the next may bring to be met when it comes1 and not in anticipation4 ,the present alone concerns us4 ,by living it aright the future takes care of itself4 ,it is the thought for to-morrow that so often makes to-day gloomy4 ,i distressed myself about my child's future1 yet1 see1 all is well with her40 8,i thank ,god for what ,i have learned of the mysterious event called death10 said ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,yet there are people who ask what good can come of knowing such things4 ,what good8 ,is it nothing to know that the little image lying here is not our ,isabel but her earthly investiture2 that she is not dead nor separated from us2 that her life is to go on from grace to grace1 from strength to strength8 ,is it nothing to know that ,socrates1 ,plato1 ,swedenborg1 ,shakespeare1 ,emerson1 ,hugo1 ,morse1 ,fulton1 all who have given the world the light of genius1 have never died1 and that this baby is equal heir with them to a life of vaster opportunities and greater blessings80 8,others10 said ,mrs4 ,benton1 8wonder what good there is in the coming and going of so tiny a soul1 who was here but for a day as it were4 ,yet her little life is as important in the divine plan as that of the greatest sage4 ,she brought the gospel of pure love with her1 and we are the better because of her brief visit to us--for it was but a pause on the great journey40 99 99 99 99 99 ,on the evening after the discarded visible part of the child had been put out of sight1 as ,mrs4 ,doring was returning home from her friend's house1 two elderly men on the horse-car were talking of life1 and their verdict was that they were tired of it4 ,one said it was an empty experience which he would not go through again for any consideration4 ,the other said he had had a good time1 had got as much pleasure out of life as any one1 but that was all over now2 he was getting old and full of aches and pains1 and found no fun in living any more4 ,the jumping off place had to be reached some day1 and that would put an end to it4 ,his friend said that was the rub--the leap in the dark4 ,for his part he was disgusted with life1 but abhorred death4 ,he saw no good in either one or the other1 and was inclined to believe that we are all victims of a tremendous cheat4 ,if he could see anything to look forward to beyond a damp bed in the ground he could go on all right1 but nobody knew anything about it--not even those who earned their bread talking about it in pulpits4 ,they said they believed certain things1 but they didn't know any more than other folks4 ,he wanted solid information4 ,the other tossed his head to show his indifference to the subject4 ,he said it was something he had never thought about at all in his good times1 and now he guessed he wouldn't bother with it for his few remaining days4 ,thus was the most important question that faces man disposed of by one whose opinion on any topic pertaining to commercial or political interests would be received with respect by his fellow townsmen and have weight with them4 ,but both he and his friend had lived to venerable years without ever learning what they themselves were4 ,of that knowledge1 which includes all other knowledge1 they were as ignorant as earth worms4 ,they had acquired what is miscalled education2 had been factors in public affairs1 and figures in social life1 and yet never learned that they were not bodies to go to pieces some day like a broken machine1 but spirits1 with a life whose issues are spiritual and eternal1 not material and perishable4 ,to one1 life had meant a chance to have a good time2 to the other emptiness1 because he had had no good time4 ,neither dreamed that its meaning is in the unseen1 not in the seen1--in what they had become1 not what they possessed or enjoyed4 ,they lived in dense spiritual darkness1 yet knew it not1 and they were but two out of millions in the same condition4 ,hearing their pathetic though unconscious confession of ignorance1 ,mrs4 ,doring wondered if little ,isabel's short1 loving1 trusting life was not more complete than theirs of long years full of impermanent and illusory importance4 ,she wished she could tell them what she had learned of life and its meaning and future1 but1 alas6 she had already been stoned and knew the danger of letting her light shine before those who had not become as little children--receptive1 willing to learn4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,one ,,returned ,,from ,,the ,,dead4 8,is it wonderful that ,i should be immortal1 as every one is immortal8 ,i know it is wonderful1 but my eye-sight is equally wonderful1 and how ,i was conceived in my mother's womb is equally wonderful40--,walt ,whitman4 ,thought in the mind hath made us4 ,what we are ,by thought was wrought and built4 ,if a man's mind ,hath evil thoughts1 pain comes on him as comes ,the wheel the ox behind4 ,all that we are is what we thought and willed2 ,our thoughts shape us and frame4 ,if one endure ,in purity of thought joy follows him ,as his own shadow sure4--,sir ,edwin ,arnold4 ,mrs4 ,doring had read that the people of the unseen world1 or other invisible intelligent beings1 sometimes condescended to write on slates under certain conditions4 ,as she now believed that ,chrissalyn possessed all the psychic gifts1 she bought a slate and used her most artful eloquence to persuade her friend to experiment4 ,the capricious creature consented after fishing up objections enough to make her acquiescence received with great gratitude4 ,this was her innocent way of making her services valuable and herself important4 ,but for love of her friend1 and also no doubt for love of ,prescott1 who was the only person on the other side of silence that she cared to hear from1 apparently1 or at least was not afraid of1 she finally consented4 ,not knowing the correct manner of procedure they could do no more than experiment blindly1 till they learned something about it4 ,they held the slate under the table till their arms were all tired out and got nothing4 ,then they laid it on the table1 and becoming interested in talking1 forgot all about it and their experiment1 till they heard a soft1 rapid scratching4 ,looking down simultaneously1 they saw an incredible thing4 ,the tiny pencil1 no bigger than a grain of rice1 was writing1 though no visible hand guided it1 and this was its message3 8,each soul is its own redeemer1 here1 hereafter and forever40 ,the two spectators looked at each other in awe-struck silence4 ,from whom this came they knew not1 for the one that wrote it wrote nothing more4 ,but for their familiarity with communications from the silent majority they would have been sore afraid4 ,as it was they were awed by this extraordinary evidence of the nearness of unseen beings presumably like themselves4 ,talking about it they sat there till the evening was nearly spent4 ,at last1 ,chrissalyn idly laid her hand on the slate1 and almost immediately it began to throb or vibrate curiously1 like a living thing4 ,startled1 she removed her hand1 and instantly the throbbing ceased4 ,turning the slate over they found the under side written full in a feminine hand of exquisite daintiness1 and signed with the name of one of our most eminent women1 one who has been dead nearly a century4 ,the message had not been written after the manner of the previous one1 for there was no scratching or sound of the movement of the pencil4 ,in fact1 as they soon discovered1 the pencil was not there at all4 ,the method1 whatever it may have been1 was instantaneous1 like telegraphy4 ,a few seconds of vibration in the slate and lo6 it was there4 ,if thought could be photographed the process might be like this4 ,it was as though some one had thought the message1 and the mere act of thinking had made it visible on the slate4 8,chriss1 you are the most wonderful being in the world10 said ,cartice1 reverently1 8and you don't know it4 ,you have all the occult gifts1 yet value none of them40 ,the ,butterfly flushed with gratification at the generous praise of her friend who usually praised or blamed with miserly care4 ,beyond the fact that they made her important in ,cartice's eyes she cared nothing for the mysteries revealed through her4 ,being a butterfly1 she was not afflicted with any particular craving for knowledge4 ,the world and the things of the world satisfied her4 ,this was what the slate contained3 8,to you1 ,cartice ,hill ,doring1 ,i bring this message4 ,remember it well1 for ,i may never come again3 ,till the soil1 and you will be prosperous4 ,till what you have4 ,make more of your talents4 ,concentrate all your thoughts and devote more time to your special one4 ,if you are really anxious to make a success of yourself1 you must use every moment4 ,you not only owe it to yourself1 but to the whole world1 and ,god1 who has endowed you with this wonderful gift4 ,you are a woman among a million4 ,it is certainly a wonderful gift you possess1 and it is sad that you have not already made more of it4 ,so try now4 ,wait not for some one to open the way4 ,make your own way4 ,you can do it better than any one else4 ,work in order to be great2 then you can rest1 and it will be so delightful to rest with sweet laurels40 ,mrs4 ,doring read this aloud1 astonished at its flattering import and amazed that so many words1 all as legible as the clearest typography1 could be put upon the tiny slate4 ,the writing was a work of the most exquisite art4 8,what does she mean by your special talent80 asked ,chrissalyn4 8,a bit of my brain garden which ,i have scarcely cultivated at all1 and would rather not name1 for ,i never have been sure of my title to it4 ,in my early dreams it figured conspicuously2 but of late years ,i have almost dropped it from my thoughts4 ,the business of bread-winning pushes many a fair dream out of its sacred niche4 ,in spite of the encouraging words of this message ,i doubt if ,i shall ever till that soil4 ,i begin to feel too tired to make new departures4 ,the torpor of indifference and weariness is creeping over me4 ,the old spirit of action walks with a halting step1 and turns its eyes longingly to the meadows of ease and indolence4 ,i think ,i understand how car-horses feel4 ,they know perfectly well that1 whatever may happen to the rest of the world1 for them there is only a steady1 day-after-day pull till the end comes4 ,prescott used to say ,i wanted to eat my cake and have it too2 but he didn't know how feeble and weary ,i often was40 ,one evening when they called their unseen friends new wonders were shown them--wonders which took place under laws beyond their penetration4 ,the ,butterfly wore a fresh white rose on her breast4 ,when ,prescott announced himself1 his first words were of its beauty and fragrance4 8,can you see it80 ,cartice asked4 8,certainly40 8,and smell it80 8,of course4 ,give it to me1 ,butterfly6 ,give it to me10 he wrote1 with eager energy4 8,well1 take it10 said ,chrissalyn1 smiling at the impossible request4 8,i am in earnest4 ,i really want it4 ,hold it in your hand directly in front of you1 and see me take it40 ,laughing at what she believed to be a bit of pleasantry1 she took the rose from her breast1 and held it between her thumb and finger1 saying1 in mimicry of the old-time heroine of novels1 8,please accept this token of my esteem40 ,instantly1 quicker than a flash1 with a suddenness indescribable1 it disappeared1 vanished completely1 in the sight of both pairs of eyes4 ,whither8 ,could vacant space swallow a tangible object8 ,impossible4 ,yet this impossibility was accomplished4 ,the fact stunned them4 ,each looked in the face of the other1 and clasped the other's hand to make sure they were not dreaming4 8,i should be frightened speechless if any one else than ,prescott had done that10 said the ,butterfly1 pallid and trembling4 8,let us ask him about it10 said ,cartice1 who was shaken1 too4 ,with some reluctance1 ,chrissalyn asked ,prescott how he had taken the rose4 8,by means of what some of your scientific people call the ,fourth ,dimension of ,space10 he replied4 8,can you explain it more clearly80 8,no2 ,i have no terms in which to make it plain to you4 ,it is all natural enough1 however1 and comes under a law as yet not known to your world4 ,now wait a moment and ,i will bring you a flower by means of the same law40 ,silent and expectant they sat for three or four minutes4 ,then1 apparently out of the air above their heads1 two large fresh1 red roses fell on the table before them4 ,examination proved that they were real and not illusory4 8,where did you get them80 ,cartice asked4 8,i went what you would call a long distance for them1--about two hundred miles2 but it is nothing to me1 for ,i know no distance outside of my own thought40 ,unsolicited1 one evening ,prescott volunteered to tell his two faithful friends some of his experiences since passing out of their sight4 ,he wrote with a rapidity and energy even greater than in life1 though he had ever a nervous1 hasty manner of writing1 which was his true form of expression4 ,in conversation he had little ability4 ,he consumed three evenings in the task he had set himself1 and this was his story1 which was addressed to ,cartice3 99 99 99 99 99 8,there was the accident at the elevator4 ,it occurred in a few seconds of time1 but ,i did not realize what was taking place4 ,a thought that something was going wrong flashed through my mind1 but it conveyed no sense of danger4 ,i was like a spectator who sees disaster overtake another1 yet has no clear idea what that disaster is4 ,from this and what ,i have learned here1 ,i am inclined to the belief that victims of accidents which result in sudden death have no painful experiences--do not even suffer from fear4 8,as you know1 ,i was killed instantly--that is pushed out of life as you understand life1 without warning4 ,when ,i awoke1 or regained consciousness1 on this side of death--which ,i believe was soon after the accident1 though ,i am not sure on this point--,i found myself groping blindly1 staggering weakly in the dark and reaching about me with my hands to find something that would help me to a knowledge of my whereabouts4 8,i was never distinguished for patience4 ,now ,i began to feel impatient and cross at finding myself in such an unaccountable situation4 ,then the darkness got thicker1 more depressing1 and at last terrible1 until my spirit quailed before it1 and the thought came to me that ,i was indeed1 in a place and condition strange and fearful4 8,then ,i thought of you1 ,cartice1 and of how devotedly ,i loved you4 ,with that thought came light1 such radiant1 phenomenal1 overpowering light that it dazzled me4 ,i shuddered before its awful effulgence1 and put my hands over my eyes that it might not blind me4 ,my love for you seemed to fill all space and include all things4 ,while enjoying it1 drinking it in1 floating in it1 ,i moved on1 for ,i was walking1--or so it seemed--until ,i met my dear old friend ,william ,bissell4 8,that astonished me1 for ,i instantly remembered that he had died five years before1 and ,i had been one of those selected for the solemn honor of carrying his body to the grave4 ,was ,i dreaming8 8,he came toward me smiling4 ,i thought ,i had never seen him look so well1 so handsome1 so young or so benignant4 ,he was ever the soul of kindness1 not only ready but always anxious to serve others2 and he had a particular fondness for meeting friends at the railroad station when they came back to the city after an absence--especially those who had no near kindred to welcome them4 8#8,i'm glad to see you1 ,gordon1' he said2 but ,i thought ,i saw something in his face more than the words implied1 and a foreboding of unwelcome news came to me4 8#8,how is this1 ,william8' ,i asked4 #8,am ,i dreaming8 ,i thought ,i helped to bury you five years ago4' 8,he smiled significantly and said1 #8,has it not occurred to you that somebody may be arranging to do the same service for you8' 8#8,what do you mean1 ,william8' ,i asked1 calling upon my soul to sustain me against the shock of the reply4 8#8,well1 ,gordon1' he said1 gently1 kindness making his face shine like a lamp1 #8tell me if a dead man's arm has any bones in it8' 8,instinctively ,i grasped my left arm with my right hand4 ,lo6 the hand passed through it4 ,no bones were there4 8,can you imagine one already dead fainting from fear8 ,the sensation ,i experienced was more startling1 more fearful than anything ,i had conceived of before4 ,i sank down1 down into immeasurable depths4 8,a feeling of shame at my cowardice took possession of me4 ,why was ,i afraid8 ,i had died1 to be sure2 my condition was changed2 but the experience was something millions and millions of other souls had undergone4 ,gentle1 timid1 delicate women had trodden that solemn path before me4 ,little children1 too1 had traveled it4 ,why should ,i1 a man1 vain of my strength and courage1 be affrighted8 ,a vast compassion for all humankind in this trying moment welled up in my heart1 and instantly ,i was lifted into light1 and beheld about me loving and familiar faces1 beautiful vistas1 and heard melodious sounds4 ,the loving thought ,i held had borne me upward2 but ,i did not then know it4 8,many times ,i sank into a dark1 bottomless void1 and as often by some mysterious power rose into ineffable light4 ,i encountered massive walls from time to time1 before which my feet were stayed4 ,impassable and impregnable1 they seemed to bar my way1 ,i knew not why4 ,eventually ,i learned that the sinking and the rising1 and the barriers ,i met1 were not external experiences1 but all took place within my own consciousness1 and were but the picturing or appearances of my inner condition4 ,they were my own thoughts externalized1 for thought is the only thing in the ,universe4 ,we think1 therefore we are4 ,existence is thought4 ,man is thought made objective4 ,thought is the creative principle3 it is creation4 8#8,as a man thinketh in his heart1 so is he1' describes life both here and in the visible form1 if you but understand its true significance4 ,here every sensation is intensified a thousand times4 ,i thrill with joy and the universe vibrates in harmonious response4 ,i suffer1 and it trembles in reciprocal anguish4 ,and this is true of every soul in whatever part of the universe it may dwell2 but here our capacity to feel is keener and greater than with you1 and here we learn to understand4 ,every sensation is intensified1 because we enter into closer relations with the ,one ,life1 the ,one ,spirit that fills all space4 ,everything is within our consciousness1 and outside of that there is nothing4 ,within us is all that ever was or shall be4 8,for a time ,i was often wretched4 ,the interests of earth attracted me1 ,i thought of them wistfully1 and wished ,i were in my old place doing the work in which ,i had found something akin to pleasure4 ,the wish held me there1 and ,i was miserable1 because the old methods of action were lost to me4 ,often when you sat at your desk in the ,register office ,i was near1 suffering keen torment1 because ,i could not make my presence known4 ,it took me a long time to see that we were not really separated4 ,it was only the veil of your ignorance that shut me away from you4 ,i was near you1 but you did not know it1 that was all4 ,the veil that hides our world from yours is ignorance--a veil it is possible to lift4 8,still1 ,i suffered until ,i found a means of enlightening you4 ,i saw the peculiar power the ,butterfly possesses1 and endeavored to arouse in her a wish to investigate which would enable me to bridge the gulf between us--a gulf that existed only in your thought4 8,i caused her to see me in what she believed a dream1 and ,i held a planchette that she might try to operate with it4 ,to my unbounded delight ,i was successful4 ,i assure you that1 although you were grateful for the knowledge the little tripod brought you1 ,i was a thousand times more so1 since to me it meant deliverance from darkness and misery4 8,i could not rise into higher conditions--conditions being internal--until ,i had established communication with you4 ,the moment you recognized me and believed in me1 darkness and discontent began to fall away from me4 ,you made heaven for me on earth1 inasmuch as ,i loved you1 and that love has made heaven for me here--both heaven and hell being states of consciousness1 though none the less real for all that4 8,my burden was lifted1 when you fully understood that ,i still lived4 ,not till then was ,i willing to accept my changed condition and seek knowledge in new paths4 8,how delightful it was to discover that ,i had power within myself to create conditions6 ,thoughts of love enveloped me in light1 a light that had in it all beauty and all harmony4 ,the character of my love for you changed4 ,desire for possession went out of it1 and the wish to benefit and help you in every way1 without regard to myself1 took its place4 ,i then learned that the more unselfish and universal our love1 the deeper and fuller and sweeter our own being becomes4 ,love is the supreme power4 ,love is life4 ,love is light4 ,love is all there is1 for love is ,god4 8,this is a scientific truth and not merely a figure and phrase of religious philosophy4 8,god is spirit and spirit is substance1 the only substance in the universe4 ,men of science tell you that light is a mode of motion1 and they speak truly1 for it is the physical expression of pure spirit which is pure love4 ,spirit1 which includes all worlds and all being is in perpetual motion2 all that you see is but its different forms of manifestation4 8,your sun is not your source of light2 it is but a reflector or transmitter of the one supreme light to the worlds of its system4 8,the more we love the more of ,god do we become and express4 ,oh6 if ,i could but tell you the joy that love brings4 ,it can overcome all things4 ,where it dwells no evil can come2 and it enters wherever the door is left open to receive it4 ,it is everywhere1 but1 if your consciousness is unaware of it1 for you it has no existence4 ,only recognize it and it is yours4 8,i passed my life in combat4 ,i attacked evil1 fought it ruthlessly1 and believed ,i was doing good4 ,yet ,i was only making evil important4 ,you would laugh at the teacher who fought children in order to make them wise1 wouldn't you8 ,evil is only ignorance--otherwise spiritual darkness1 and men and women are but children in knowledge4 ,there is but one way to eradicate evil or ignorance1 and that is to make more light4 ,open the understanding and let in the light4 ,the darkness will flee before it4 ,you remember ,victor ,hugo said3 #8,pay schoolmasters and not soldiers4' ,i see now that the only way to make men better is to awaken the ,god or good in them2 to put higher ideals before them1 and not find fault with them because they don't know all there is to know4 8,until ,i met you ,i lived a loveless life1 therefore a pessimistic one4 ,my sympathy with humankind had a narrow limit4 ,a wrong aroused my wrath against the perpetrator of it1 when it should have awakened my pity for the dark condition of his mind4 8,i was conceited1 intolerant1 impatient1 belligerent and often cruel4 ,i went about with a lash in my hand1 ready to administer upon all who did not live up to my standard4 ,now ,i see the simpler way of which we were long since told4 ,it is to love our wayward brothers4 ,when men learn that an injury done another injures themselves far more than the other1 they will cease to be unkind4 8,as a matter of course ,i could not give up my old ways of thinking at once4 ,i still found myself quick to anger and ready to hate at the knowledge of offence or injury4 ,these feelings instantly plunged me into darkness and the companionship of demons hideous to behold4 8,it is so in your world also4 ,rage and hate darken your mind1 and bring into it hideous demons of thought2 but love fills you with light and beauty4 ,though your conception of love be crude and narrow1 still the germ of divinity is in it1 and it will brighten your way as far as its light extends4 ,if you are faithful to truth as you see it1 broader conceptions will come to you4 8,i am not capable of instructing you on life here1 only so far as it has revealed itself to me4 ,another may have different experiences and see a different outlook4 ,each soul is bounded by its own limitations1 which expand as it advances4 ,i am but a student1 at the feet of wiser masters2 but ,i must give you what ,i see1 not what they see4 8,i believe the universe is electric2 that spirit operates through all nature by means of what you call electricity1 in its different manifestations4 ,the infinite mind1 or what is called ,god1 is the highest and most etherealized substance1 including all else4 ,it possesses the attributes of inherent motion and living power1 and it has a centre like a great central sun1 whose rays extend everywhere through a system of transmitters4 ,we live and move and have our being in it1 just as all physical life owes its existence to the sun of its system4 ,electricity is the servant of this central and all-inclusive mind1 whose every thought is transmitted through creation by means of electrical and etheric vibration4 ,every thought of yours creates a flash of electricity in your brain1 which becomes a transmitter1 for thought is electric4 ,do not forget1 however1 that ,i give this only as what appears to me4 8,life is an endless chain4 ,to me now the mere fact of living after death seems a very small thing--but one little link in the endless chain4 ,dazzling heights rise before us as the soul goes on up the steps of knowledge1 where inexhaustible joys are laid up for us4 ,nothing counts but knowledge--knowledge of the law4 ,now ,i understand that eternal life is to know ,god4 ,it takes eternal life to know him4 8,when you act from the outlook of love1 you will never go wrong2 for truth is born of love4 8,weave well the fabric of your thought1 for everything is made from it4 ,the law of causation is inflexible4 ,what you give you will get4 ,your thoughts will come back to you1 bringing whatever freight of evil or good with which you sent them forth4 ,every time you think of a person you affect him for good or ill4 8,if you sin1 you will be the servant of sin4 ,if you love good1 you will be the instrument of good4 8#8,god is spirit1 and they that worship ,him must worship ,him in spirit and in truth4' 8,the whole law is there4 ,if you live the life of the spirit1 you worship ,god because you express truth4 ,each man on earth1 as to his real self1 is as true a spirit as he ever shall be4 ,only in most cases he is ignorant of that tremendous fact4 ,understand this and live it1 and you worship ,god in spirit and in truth4 8,here imagination is reality4 ,it is also the creative realm in your world4 ,i think and will1 and my thought takes form4 ,i think of one ,i love1 and instantly ,i am with that one1 no matter in how remote a part of the universe he or she may be4 8,i say remote1 because you think of distance as real4 ,to the soul it does not exist and never has existed4 ,it is but the continuity of the mind--a mode of thought4 ,i speak of minutes1 yet for us there is no time4 ,that too is but a mode of thought4 ,i must1 however1 use terms comprehensible to you4 8,do ,i have the same form as in life8 ,yes4 8,do ,i wear clothes8 ,i am clothed by my own thought1 and so are you1 but in a cruder way and by a slower process4 8,have ,i sight8 ,yes1 but it is not the same as physical sight4 ,that was for the objective life2 this is for all that is related to my inner or true being and the true being of others4 8,have ,i the other senses as in the natural life8 ,yes2 in a fulness and perfection undreamed of before4 ,i have them and others unknown to you all blended in one vast consciousness which puts me in touch with all that relates to me in a manner impossible to describe4 8,the senses are but avenues through which your spirit takes cognizance of its environment4 ,here the spirit learns that it is its own environment4 8,is communion between this world and yours beneficial to either one8 7,remember there is but one world4 ,the division is all in your thought47 ,is not association with high-minded1 well-instructed persons always beneficial to you2 and association with the evil-minded and untaught always hurtful8 8,how are human beings to know they are deathless2 if the fact be not proved to them by ways within their comprehension8 ,can there be anything but good in learning the law of your own being1 by whatever means are open to you8 ,not only is it beneficial1 but it is the most important branch of knowledge you can study4 8,even spirit phenomena of the most rudimentary order are useful and necessary to the awakening of minds incapable of understanding higher methods of instruction4 ,there is a primer stage in all learning4 8,the same law of attraction governs intercourse between us and you that reigns throughout nature4 ,like attracts like4 ,you call to you the same order of mind from here that you attract there from among the living4 7,in reality there is neither a here nor a there1 save in your mind4 ,all is the same47 ,your habitual quality of thought will attract its like4 ,you will get what you give4 ,thus it happens that the foolish get foolish messages1 and the earnest and intelligent generally receive sensible and instructive ones4 8,as ,i divine the purposes of higher orders of beings here1 they care relatively little for phenomena1 and often lament much connected with phenomena2 but they do care a great deal for whatever agency can reach human minds and cause them to think1 even for ever so few minutes1 of what is gentle1 humane1 kind1 considerate1 unselfish and affectional4 ,these are the doors by which higher1 gentler spirits reach human understandings1 and by these means they exert a power far greater than is generally suspected4 8,for the production of ordinary phenomena a high grade of intelligence is not necessary4 ,you do not need a professor to teach a child its alphabet4 ,the better developed spirits find more subtle ways of imparting knowledge1 and select more advanced minds to receive it than those that are satisfied with rudimentary phenomena4 ,but that is necessary to begin with4 8,here as on earth--remember ,i use a term implying locality for your better understanding1 though the spirit knows no locality--all who enjoy a larger light than the multitude are anxious to share it with those less favored4 ,by helping others into it they receive more of it themselves4 ,this is a law4 ,selfish1 indeed1 would be the soul who had a faith that supported him through every trial1 and yet did not want others to have it4 ,the heart's desire of every prophet1 genius and savior1 is to make others see as he sees that which illumines his own soul4 ,for this cause the noblest and best have often perished--that is1 given up their physical life--to perish in reality being impossible4 ,therefore1 communion between spirits still in the body and those out of it is one of the most important means of education known--the chief occupation of some who are here4 8,toying with phenomena for the sole purpose of gratifying curiosity--mere wonder-mongering--is always to be deprecated4 8,often1 as in my case1 the opportunity of communicating with friends left behind sets a spirit free from his own unhappy thought-limitations4 ,it lifts a burden from him4 ,my desire to prove to you that ,i was not dead held me in bondage until ,i bridged the gulf4 ,intense love for one is always a kind of bondage4 ,the perfect love we shall know1 when the truth has freed us1 is all-embracing1 universal1 like unto the love of ,god--it is the love of ,god4 8,when ,i read these words of ,condillac ,i laughed at them3 #8,though we should soar into the heavens1 though we should sink into the abyss1 we never go out of ourselves2 it is always our thought that we perceive4' 8,now ,i can affirm their truth4 ,we can never run away from ourselves4 ,we take our own world with us wherever we go1 for it is made of our thought--#8it is always our own thought that we perceive4' ,we are our own thought--and the smallest insect or strongest and fiercest beast or greatest genius is no less and no more4 8,in the life of the world ,i never knew happiness4 ,behind a cynical and reserved exterior ,i masked a restless1 suffering spirit4 ,creation appeared a grim tragedy4 ,this was because my inner eyes were closed1 and ,i took the distorted shadow for the reality4 ,i was looking at a fantastic mirror and saw only its exaggerated reflections4 ,i ridiculed the idea of any one's being happy in such a world4 ,now ,i know that man is destined to be happy1 but his happiness is of the spirit1 and can only come with spiritual development1 when he knows that he is spirit1 lives the life of the spirit1 and so becomes free from the bonds of ignorance4 ,this is what is meant by the truth making us free4 ,ignorance is the only evil there is--mere blindness to the light1 though the light is always shining4 ,when you know the truth1 you become the truth1 and are out of the darkness of ignorance1 therefore free4 ,this is1 ,i am told1 the ultimate destiny of the whole human race4 8,remember that ,god never punishes any one4 ,he only teaches4 ,this1 the children of the world have to learn4 ,they1 too1 must eliminate punishment from their methods of dealing with the wrongdoers1 otherwise the ignorant4 8,a wise friend told me to cease my self-questioning and striving1 and let knowledge find me4 ,he said we have only to let good come to us and it will fill us4 ,to do this we must make ourselves receptive--negative--and the spirit1 the one spirit1 which includes all wisdom1 all love1 all life1 being positive1 will flow into us4 ,he said our continual striving and struggling made us positive1 and therefore unreceptive4 ,this enabled me to see a new meaning in the question1 #8,who1 by searching can find out ,god8' 8,the law is to be still--ready to receive--and let him enter4 8,when ,i did this ,i emerged from suffering and darkness1 and for the first time in the memory of my conscious existence felt my spirit at rest40 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,uprooting ,a ,,human ,,tree4 ,a man said unto his angel3 8,my spirits are fallen through1 ,and ,i cannot carry this battle3 ,o ,brother1 what shall ,i do80 99 99 99 99 99 ,then said to the man his angel3 8,thou wavering1 foolish soul1 ,back to the ranks6 ,what matter ,to win or lose the whole40 --,louise ,imogen ,guiney4 ,the ,joys1 otherwise the ,hanleys1 fell into financial trouble4 ,burton ,hanley was forced to make an assignment for the benefit of his creditors4 ,he had enough to pay every dollar he owed1 and he turned it all over with an out-of-date honesty that scandalized the community4 ,the envious found a certain sweetness in this news4 ,nodding their heads knowingly1 they said they guessed the ,joys were about done with ,joy4 ,but this did not seem to be the case4 ,on the evening following the assignment they were at an entertainment in the house of a friend and were the blithest guests1 as they generally were4 ,the knowing ones said this light-heartedness was put on--a mere bluff to make others think they did not value money4 ,as a matter of fact it was not4 ,they had simply forgotten all about their financial troubles in the engrossing pleasures of the hour4 ,this enviable faculty for enjoying the present moment1 unclouded by past or future shadows was largely responsible for their joyous lives4 ,for them there was only the now4 ,they never reasoned or philosophized about it1 but just lived that way by nature4 8,wait till they have a hand-to-hand fight with ,poverty10 said the knowing ones1 who are often the cruel ones4 8,wait till he writes his name on their clothes1 their faces and their thoughts4 ,wait till he walks with them1 sits with them1 eats with them and never leaves them for an instant6 ,wait60 ,they said this in a way that made their hearers understand the waiting would not require patience4 ,kinder ones sighed and said the ,joys1 poor souls1 laughed at poverty1 because they didn't know its horrors4 ,but they were destined to better acquaintance with the dreaded spectre4 ,meantime they went their way rejoicing that affairs were no worse4 ,lilla was so full of what she had learned through ,chrissalyn of the deathlessness of herself and fellow beings1 that she bubbled over like a kettle filled to the brim and boiling4 ,what was loss of money and a contest with poverty to one who knew that ,death was dead8 ,this knowledge was of a character too fermentative to remain bottled up within her4 ,she went around talking of it1 unmindful of the injunction not to cast pearls before swine4 ,an enthusiast by nature1 and endowed with power to carry conviction to an extraordinary degree1 it is strange she did not succeed in the propaganda2 but she did not4 ,on the contrary the swine turned upon her and she was rended1 like other prophets who have been guilty of similar indiscretion4 ,to each other some of the swine said3 8,poor ,lilla ,joy4 ,burton's failure has upset her after all4 ,talks about nothing but souls4 ,thinks she has had proof of dead folks being alive4 ,it's too bad40 ,but ,lilla refused to be cast down4 ,after a time she gave up the hopeless work of letting her light shine too far1 it is true1 but she kept her strangely happy face and joyous ways--kept them through many a dark day1 on many a stony road--kept them to the end4 ,she met all things1 troublous or pleasant1 as ,socrates said he wished to meet the gods--with a bright face4 ,this never-changing brightness made an impression on everybody who beheld it4 ,one might feebly describe it by saying that her soul seemed too large and too happy for its mortal measure1 and was always running over4 ,perhaps the office boy of the ,register hit it most felicitously1 when he thus described her to ,cartice1 who had been out1 when she called one day3 8,it was that lady who comes often and always looks as if she had just heard good news40 ,mrs4 ,doring recognized the word photograph of ,lilla ,joy at once4 99 99 99 99 99 ,there are times in the lives of all when new departures are imminent1 when a change is impending and obligatory1 yet is slow to define itself4 ,there is the feeling that other paths must be entered1 but to the outer eye they are unblazed4 ,such a time had come to ,cartice ,doring4 ,she had long felt its approach1 but knew not the end to which it pointed4 ,something more than impulse stirred within her4 ,the ,spirit of ,destiny itself spoke the inexorable command to move on4 ,whither8 8,move on40 ,this was the only answer1 for ,destiny has a way of making us choose our roads1 though for the most part the various whips within and without which play upon us seem to make the matter of choice largely a thing of name only4 ,we do what we can rather than what we wish4 ,this should give us a grain of comfort on dark days by relieving us of regrets1 and settling us in the conviction that we are no more and no less than that which we must be4 ,even though our own nature be the compelling and directing force1 we are none the less servants to its dicta4 ,call that which rules us by whatever name we choose1 how supreme is the sway6 ,looking over the situation ,mrs4 ,doring summed up the reasons for making a change4 ,first1 she was not doing her best2 she was letting down a little all the time1 and that clearly was degeneration4 ,pleasure in her work had gone and perfunctory performance taken its place4 ,she was weary of the miserable business of writing to please the many-headed multitude1 which the late ,dr4 ,charles ,mackay was fond of describing as 8fool of a public2 pig of a public10 while her honest convictions had to be kept locked up in her soul and labeled1 8,dangerous10 like a can of dynamite4 ,in ,prescott's day she was free to say what she thought ought to be said4 ,now1 she was frequently brought to book for utterances far too bold1 in the opinion of the proprietors of the paper1 who insisted on a close connection between the counting room and editorial desk4 ,as a result of constantly trimming to suit the fitful breezes of public taste1 the ,register was losing ground4 ,strange law that governs the minds of men6 ,kowtow to them and they despise and neglect you4 ,defy them and they respect and court you4 ,no2 she must not stay with the ,register4 ,internal wranglings were shaking it4 ,an eruption might take place any day1 changing the whole face of its affairs4 ,for her salvation1 intellectual and physical1 she must go4 ,yet habit1 friendship and a horrible dread of facing new difficulties put up a plea for her to stay4 ,no2 she must go1 no matter what she had to meet1 loneliness1 humiliation1 disappointment1 defeat1 want1 death itself4 ,,must4 ,something told her that in a way that brooked no contradiction4 ,but she was so tired--more tired than any one dreamed1 in spite of her almost jaunty cheerfulness4 ,and what had she as financial armor for the new battle about to begin8 ,grimly she smiled as she cast her mind's eye in that direction4 ,a few dollars only4 8,verily industry and talent combined are richly rewarded10 she said4 ,yet she had made reputation2 she was considered successful4 ,however1 many a slave to the pen knows that reputation and money do not always go hand in hand4 ,besides this imposing capital she had her experience and the knowledge of her own powers which it had brought4 ,valuable capital1 to be sure4 ,yet experience brings us another gift which helps to weaken us by counteracting our faith in ourselves1 and that is a knowledge of the difficulties1 a bold outlining of the greatness of the task4 ,what else had she wherewith to gird herself for that trip into the unexplored1 so sure to involve risks of many kinds8 ,in the teeth of a wish to find a quiet place and there lie down1 closing her eyes to the world forever1--in the face of a weariness untellable1 she knew that within the hidden depths of herself1 under all the scars1 disappointments and fatigues was courage4 ,what other prop had she8 ,a strong1 an invincible one--the knowledge that eternal being and her being were one and the same1 and that she was never alone or dependent on herself1 however much this seemed to be the case2 that living1 loving souls1 angels1 if you choose1 had charge concerning her and that the everlasting arms of universal love were ever about her4 ,she would go to ,new ,york1 a field of many gleaners1 truly1 but big1 and therefore of promise4 ,the needle of her destiny pointed in that direction4 ,there was its magnet4 ,with the decision came peace4 ,yet day after day she lingered1 telling no one of her decision1 and feeling that she belonged neither to the place she was in nor to that for which she was bound--a curious1 detached sort of existence such as had ever been hers1 when she must tear herself from an accustomed place and seek an unaccustomed one4 ,the work of uprooting herself involved pains and groans like those of a great tree1 when torn up by a storm4 ,in love of locality ,cartice was a tree1 and frequently said so4 ,her pleasure would have been to live always in one place1 taking deeper root every day1 and loving the soil that sustained her4 ,doubtless because this was her nature1 fate decreed that she should have no chance to take deep root anywhere1 for her own good4 ,those days of inward groaning and tree-like clinging to a spot of which she had long been weary1 reminded her of other days1 now years in the past1 when she had uprooted herself from the only peaceful bit of life she had known1 to go forth and marry ,louis ,doring and become sister to misery4 ,then she had swayed and clung and groaned day after day1 only to yield at last to the force that ruled her destiny1 and she knew she must do the same now4 ,a time came1 however1 when the human tree lay prone1 its uprooting an accomplished fact4 ,its roots1 bared to the sun and wind1 trembled a little1 but the groaning was over4 ,now there was nothing to do but tell ,chrissalyn and go4 ,the ,butterfly paled as she heard the decision4 8,i have known this for a long time10 she said1 8long before you knew it yourself1 but ,i would not speak of it1 lest you might be guided by what ,i said4 ,i learned it by the inside way that things are told me so often4 ,it's hard for me to have you go2 but ,i understand1 and believe it's for the best4 ,does any one else know80 8,not yet4 ,i don't tell others1 even good friends1 because they will ask questions about my plans and dig my very heart out of my body to find out all about what ,i am going to do4 ,in the first place ,i don't know4 ,in the second ,i should not care to tell if ,i did4 ,telling spoils everything for me4 ,why do people make inquisitions of themselves and torture others merely to gratify an idle curiosity80 8,cartice0--,chrissalyn spoke a little cautiously--8in the face of what you have been saying1 and knowing that your temper is not seraphic1 ,i will say ,i wish ,i knew for sure that you would have something to hold on to1 when you get to ,new ,york40 8,chriss1 dear1 ,i must find something1 that's all there is to it4 ,,must4 ,that word is a magnet drawing whatever it demands4 ,whenever we ,,must have something1 we get it40 ,contact with the industrial problem had let a few practical ideas into the ,butterfly's once airy head4 ,therefore she was concerned about the financial future of her friend4 ,still1 she did not comprehend the situation in its tragic entirety4 ,a prop of some kind had ever been near for her to lean on in dire extremity4 ,fate provides props for those who are not strong enough to stand alone2 but the great souls are placed where there is nothing to lean against1 that they may both keep and show their strength4 ,they suffer2 their hearts often bleed2 but they stand4 ,then1 too1 ,chrissalyn looked upon her friend as a person of such incomparable ability1 that she could overcome any obstacle1 however formidable4 8,how ,i shall miss you1 ,cartice10 she said1 huskily4 8,how lonely and bereft ,i shall be40 8,you have your admirers1 your moths40 8,my moths8 ,yes1 my miserable moths10 said ,chrissalyn1 contemptuously4 8,they are about as much comfort to me1 as so many of the genuine insects4 ,i am a proof of evolution4 ,i have evolved too far to find them interesting4 ,but where are the men8 ,do they not exist outside of novels any more8 ,for a long time ,i cherished dreams of meeting one whom ,i could love without being ashamed of myself1 but ,i am giving them up4 ,sometimes1 where ,i hear of friends marrying1 it all sounds so fine that ,i am quite envious until ,i see their husbands1 and then ,i am better contented40 ,for ,cartice the pain of parting from her friend was intensified by the knowledge that it meant loss of opportunity to talk with her beloved unseen people4 ,the ,butterfly was a telephone to the other world whose like might never be met again4 ,they spent the last evening together4 ,their invisible friends understood what was determined upon1 without any telling4 ,prescott was asked if he had any suggestions to make in regard to ,cartice's plans4 8,it is not for us to direct you10 he said4 8,you must steer your own bark4 ,that is the business of life4 ,the field is wide1 and you have your place therein and will find it4 ,don't be discouraged4 ,we shall be often with you1 and shall keep an eye on you40 ,the evening was one long to be remembered by the two who were so soon to be separated1 tinged as it was with the melancholy that colors all last occasions4 ,the final glimpse ,cartice had of the place that had been to her a city of sorrow as well as of light1 showed her the ,butterfly waving a loving and tearful adieu4 ,dear ,butterfly6 ,was there ever so charming a combination of vanity1 love of pleasure1 earthly prettiness and goddess-like ability to do wondrous things8 ,cartice settled herself for her journey1 feeling somewhat as a soul might who had just issued from one very difficult and wretched incarnation and knew that in a few hours it must begin another1 which in all probability would prove more difficult and more wretched4 ,it takes courage to face the mouths of cannon2 yet that1 though horrible1 lasts not long4 ,but the woman who1 alone and unknown1 goes into the mixed and frightful mass of humankind represented by a great city1 to seek a chance to earn honest bread1 displays a courage besides which that of the bravest soldier must lose a little of its luster4 ,and any one who makes her hard road harder1 builds for himself a wall which will not be easy to scale2 he is but lengthening the period of his own spiritual evolution4 ,the train rolled on1 its wheels beating a steady rhythm like the feet of flying horses1 their vibrations striking the sick heart of the weary woman inside1 and making it quake with terror4 ,she had kept a smiling face before the ,butterfly clear to the last2 but now that she was alone--at least unknown to her fellow travelers1 hence secure from intrusion1 her courage evaporated1 and she curled up on her sofa1 a mere lump of suffering4 ,as the telegraph posts flew by she pictured herself taken out1 tied to one and shot dead by balls from many rifles1 and earnestly wished she could exchange her present situation for such brief pain4 ,is this world hell8 ,the query had come to her before1 and now it challenged her boldly4 ,whose happiness or safety was secure for the morrow8 ,of what was ahead of her she scarcely dared to think4 ,glimpses of its grim possibilities flashed across her mind1 making her mobile face set and stern4 ,a frightened light came into her eyes and a strange expression fluttered around her mouth4 ,in imagination she was seeing the two rivers that flow on either side of ,new ,york1 and was thinking of what they had done and were yet to do for those who found the burden of life greater than they could bear4 ,in that moment she felt a cool1 soft breeze about her1 and with it came the thought that she could never seek solace there--she who knew that life reached out an unbroken line1 beyond the sight and even the dreams of men4 ,not for her ran rivers1 whose flowing waters lapped and swirled and wooed world-weary hearts4 ,did she believe that silence1 nothingness1 insensate dust alone were at the end of our journey here1 there2 blessed be the rivers6 ,but she knew--knew beyond doubt that no river can extinguish the spark of divinity we call consciousness4 ,after all1 why should she fear8 ,no one stands absolutely alone4 ,there is no separateness1 no differentiation4 ,back of each1 eternal ,being mirrors itself forever2 and that which we see is as nothing compared to that which we see not4 ,the cloud of witnesses more than witnesses4 ,influences invisible1 but powerful1 are ever working for us4 ,threads hidden from bodily eyes connect us with all life beheld and unbeheld4 ,her own people were in touch with her1 loved and inspired her1 no matter in what part of the universe they dwelt1 and nothing could divide her from them4 ,remembering this1 the shadow of fear passed1 and she prepared to meet her destiny with courage4 ,new knowledge had brought new responsibility4 ,life was not to be haggled through as a hateful bargain2 it must be lived in the highest sense2 its lessons faithfully learned and character constructed by the master architect1 experience4 ,one must do one's best1 in the teeth of the storm1 in the front of the battle4 ,we must always be able to look our souls in the face without shame4 ,suppose her efforts and even her life ended in failure at last6 ,what matter8 ,to succeed in the world's opinion is often to fail in the exacting eye of conscience4 ,perhaps the only permanent success is failure4 ,the joy1 the glory and the reward are in the doing1 not in the result4 ,the fateful question for all of us will be1 not1 8,hast thou won80 but 8,hast thou striven80 ,the things we call pain and pleasure she knew to be illusions1 mere thought pictures painted on the canvas of our consciousness1 by ignorance--ignorance of our true being and the true purpose of existence4 ,so she said1 8,no matter what comes1 since ,i know that out of all the pain and humiliation the world can put upon me1 out of the shadow of death1 ,i shall rise and pass on to my eternal unfolding4 8,for me there is no want4 ,have ,i not bread to eat that thousands of others as yet have not1 because they will not receive it8 8,for me and for the whole human race there is but one thing needful1 and that is the knowledge that eternal being is within1 around1 about us and we are it40 ,spiritualism8 ,the ignorant will say with a sneer4 ,yes1 in the highest1 broadest and deepest sense4 ,it sustained this lonely woman on her journey to a great city to work out her life's problem1 and after she was there it gave her patience and confidence4 ,it made it impossible for her to seek the river1 and enabled her to wear a cheerful face and carry a hopeful heart1 while her little store of money dribbled down to a few lonesome dollars4 ,without this rock of faith those long1 lonely days of seeking and waiting would have been unbearable4 ,sometimes she sat in the public squares looking compassionately upon the pitiful people about her4 ,the homeless1 the hopeless1 the hungry1 the despairing1 the weary1 the ailing1 the suffering1 the broken-hearted were there1 some in rags and some in fine garments4 ,within each one ached and ate the canker of a wretchedness they tried to hide from happier souls who passed them by4 ,cartice read their misery by the light of past suffering1 and yearned to say to them3 8,awake6 ,you are in a dark dream4 ,the conditions that trouble you are unreal--mere illusions1 and touch not your true life at all4 ,you are gods every one1 but unaware of your divinity4 ,one day the dream shall pass and you shall know this40 ,but the etiquette of civilization forbade it4 ,we see our fellow beings suffer and perish from some wound in the soul1 yet approach them not4 ,all she could do was to send out to them1 through the silent waves of thought1 messages of hope and good cheer4 ,in those days of striving and waiting and studying the swarming life about her ,mrs4 ,doring turned over the economic problem in her mind many times4 ,curious industrial system1 that condemns idleness and yet makes the search for employment bitter and hard6 ,the two arts which held her chance were hedged about in such a way that the most she could do was to shoot an arrow from afar and trust that it might stick4 ,nor was she unaware that many other arrows were flying from other archers1 each one diminishing the chances of the rest4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,bohemia',s ,,highways ,,and ,,byways4 8,work thou for pleasure2 paint or sing or carve ,the thing thou lovest1 though the body starve4 ,who works for glory misses oft the goal2 ,who works for money coins his very soul4 ,work for the work's sake1 then1 and it may be ,that these things shall be added unto thee40 --,kenyon ,cox4 ,one day a miracle happened1--at least ,cartice ,doring considered it a miracle4 ,she was swinging to a strap in one of the always dirty and frequently crowded cars of the elevated railroad--when1 as the train went ricketing round a curve she was flung against a man behind her with such force that both well-nigh fell to the floor4 ,before she could apologize1 a familiar voice said3 8,mrs4 ,doring6 ,i'm delighted to have been knocked down1 since it proves to be the means of meeting you40 ,he was a newspaper man whose occasional visits to the ,register she had greatly enjoyed2 and his was the first familiar face that she had encountered since she had turned her back on former scenes4 8,why1 ,mr4 ,farnsworth1 ,i'm glad enough to cry10 she blurted out1 and came near proving the truth of her assertion4 ,when he learned that she had come to ,new ,york to seek her fortune1 he said3 8,i can put a spoke in your wheel1 for ,i came here with that intention myself1 and have my tent permanently pitched4 ,a pen and pencil like yours need never be idle4 ,come to our publishing house to-morrow at two o'clock--here's a card--and we will lay the corner-stone of your future greatness40 ,cartice was wakeful far into the night nursing her gratitude1 and thinking over the miracle4 ,farnsworth had been a lifelong friend to ,prescott4 ,perhaps ,prescott brought about their meeting1 and put it into ,farnsworth's head to employ her4 ,who knows what the people we call dead may not be able to do8 ,perhaps they give us many of our thoughts1 purposes and plans4 ,does not every event in our lives1 however trivial and insignificant1 hang upon thousands of preceding events1 great and small8 ,and when it comes to a question of what a soul can or cannot do1 embodied or disembodied1 who can answer8 ,what is the soul of man8 ,before assigning it limitations it were well to know its composition4 ,it is assumed to be the 8immortal unit which represents personality02 but here and there have been men and women who demonstrated a marvelous complexity of ego1 their visible body seeming a mere tenement for a variety of distinct personalities1 all linked together by some mysterious chain of kinship1 though not all resembling each other1 and not always dwelling in harmony4 ,stevenson makes ,dr4 ,jekyll say1 8,i hazard a guess that man will be ultimately known for a mere polity of multifarious1 incongruous and independent denizens40 ,are we not all conscious of a ,mr4 ,hyde within us who breaks out at times and sadly stains the good record of ,dr4 ,jekyll8 ,may we not be harboring many ,jekylls and ,hydes1 each differing in degrees of goodness and badness8 ,thinking on this1 ,cartice remembered the answer of the nameless wise one to the question1 8,what is the soul80--an answer that startled her1 for it opened a vista so vast1 since it meant that the soul is ,god1 or absolute being revealing himself or itself4 ,this being granted1 its personalities are beyond computation4 ,its ,jekylls and ,hydes and its millions which are neither ,jekylls nor ,hydes are past number4 ,in a sea of wonder like this is it worth while to ponder the causes of any miracle great or tiny8 ,the next day ,cartice found herself installed at a desk in ,farnsworth's publishing house1 pen and pencil both flying4 ,the wished-for foothold was found1 and she stood upon it1 busy and grateful4 ,after becoming acquainted with a number of the metropolitan people of the pen1 she was obliged to give up many of her illusions regarding them4 ,some of whom she had formed a flattering opinion1 on acquaintance fell far below the mark4 ,others who flew high on paper1 kept shockingly near the ground off paper4 ,some who had been successful were struggling frantically against a turn of the tide4 ,but that which astonished and pained her most was their lack of ennobling ideals4 ,their pens were ever pointed toward the market1 their talk was of prices1 not ideas1 and the shrine at which they worshipped was the ninth letter of the alphabet4 ,for the most part they were so busy writing and talking of what they had written and intended to write1 that none read another's production4 ,like swimmers in a turbulent sea1 their energies were wholly given to the business of keeping afloat4 ,in slavery to the baker and meat-seller1 they expressed only such sentiments as they believed acceptable to the commonplace majority1--otherwise marketable products4 ,they trimmed1 tempered1 pruned1 whittled and cut their literary wares1 to make them suit what they supposed to be the public's wants1 without regard to conscience or convictions4 ,did all angle in these shallow waters8 ,no6 ,here and there a worthy few had boldly refused to write down to the low level of average intelligence4 ,they had penned their honest thought1 and by so doing had brought a respectable portion of the public up to their plane1 fame and money sometimes coming with it4 ,consciously or unconsciously they had operated a great law of the universe1 that of giving one's best to get the best4 ,in other words they had faithfully followed their highest ideals1 in the face of possible ruin1 under the pressure of poverty and the frowns of public taste and opinion4 ,to do this is to live a great principle1 to set the soul free4 ,whoever does this shall reap the reward of principle2 he shall find his measure full4 ,the multitude whose slavish bonds of ignorance he defies will cringe and fawn at his feet and pour its gold into his coffers4 ,the ideal is the real4 ,if it be high its faithful followers are lifted up4 ,workers who spend their lives in throwing sops to the mass of mediocre minds pay the inevitable penalty at last4 ,they fall into the contempt of the very monster whose favor they have courted1 who at heart respects only its masters1 not its slaves4 99 99 99 99 99 ,one day ,bardell1 a straggler whose weapon was the pencil and whose field was the dreadful one of the commonest newspaper art1 stopped at ,mrs4 ,doring's desk1 as he often did1 for a word or two4 ,she regarded him as an almost hopeless bungler1 but liked his unassertive1 dreamy personality4 ,some of his drawings were altogether abominable1 and in none of them did he seem to have the slightest pride4 ,he was undersized and queer-looking1 with a big square head1 a thin stooping body1 large hollow eyes1 and a face that suggested a worn-out spirit4 ,ordinarily he had almost no words about anything1 yet seemed to derive a silent pleasure from hanging near ,cartice's desk a few moments1 when he brought his drawings to the 8art man0 of the house4 ,his self-effacement was so refreshing to ,cartice after much contact with pushing ninth-letter people1 that she showed him marked civility4 ,to-day he seated himself and asked her opinion of the drawing he carried4 ,as usual1 his manner was without animation1 yet she instantly felt that he expected a word of praise4 ,this was extraordinary on his part1 as he invariably gave out the wordless impression that he continued to live more from habit than anything else1 but found life wholly without interest4 ,the picture1 which was destined to illustrate a jingling little rhyme and visualize it for such readers as have no imagination1 represented a short-skirted maid standing by a rustic fountain1 pitcher in hand4 ,cartice gave a little cry of delight1 as her eyes fell upon it1 though a second glance showed her that something was wrong with it1 but what1 she could not for a moment say4 ,presently the blunder stood revealed1 and was gross enough to mortify ,bardell for all time1 if she pointed it out4 ,yet it would be his ruin to let him go to the 8art man10 with the drawing as it was4 ,so she said1 8,it is charmingly done2 but there is a trifling error in it4 ,the girl's feet are put on wrong4 ,left and right have changed places40 ,the pale1 hollow face of the artist flushed red with shame4 8,i'm most grateful to you1 ,mrs4 ,doring10 he said1 as his astonished eyes saw the hitherto unnoticed blunder4 8,had ,i gone to ,buskirk with that it would have been the end of me in this shop4 ,as it is he almost withers me with his contempt4 ,it doesn't stop at my work1 either1 but includes all there is of me1 physically1 mentally1 artistically1 and financially4 ,i sustain myself under it with the reflection that1 however profound his contempt for me1 it is outdone again and again by my contempt for myself40 ,cartice understood well the awful wounds to self-respect men and women are daily forced to endure for the sake of a chance to earn a livelihood4 ,she looked at ,bardell with a vast1 wordless sympathy shining in her eyes1 thinking of the courage necessary in the tragedy of life1 as displayed by the man before her and tens of thousands of others4 ,he understood and went on3 8,i don't endure it for the mere sake of living1 ,i assure you4 ,the experience called life1 as ,i know it1 isn't worth it4 ,but when ,i was younger and considerably more of a fool than ,i am now1 ,i married1 as a kind of business or because others did1 or ,i don't really know why4 ,anyhow1 ,i have a little family now1 and ,i have to put up with everything1 no matter what1 in order to support them4 ,besides1 ,i have other ties that hold me to life1 and those are my ideals40 ,mrs4 ,doring looked up with a start4 8,tell me about them10 she said4 8,ever since ,i can remember they have been with me1 and are my true life10 he said4 8,they exist in the shape of simple rustic scenes1 old-time well-sweeps1 tumble-down stone-houses and walls and things of that sort1 with people in them who are a part of their history4 ,they come into my mind and insist upon being painted4 ,they are not satisfied to be put in black and white4 ,that is crucifixion for them and for me1 too4 ,they beg1 entreat and command me to put them in color4 8,this girl at the old-time fountain in this drawing is one of them4 ,that's the reason the picture isn't hard and lifeless like most of the truck ,i bring in here4 ,the blunder of putting her feet on wrong occurred1 because ,i drew the feet last1 and about that time she found out that she wasn't being painted1 but was to be a sacrifice to the terrible monster of newspaper illustration1 which is an easy way to please children and uneducated people1 and an offence to those of a higher order of intelligence4 ,in rage at the use ,i was going to make of her she jumped up and down so fast that her feet got tangled in my mind4 ,i saw her1 you understand4 ,she was real--,i saw her--not in flesh and blood1 but imagination1 which to me is a kind of higher reality40 ,astonished and delighted to find one worker with ideals above mere keeping afloat1 ,cartice asked him if he worked on his ideals or merely dreamed of them4 8,i reach after them all ,i can10 he said1 8handicapped as ,i am4 ,i give my heart to them1 though ,i haven't been able to give them much of my time4 ,but ,i have not kicked them out of my way1 or murdered them to sell their flesh at the nearest market1 as many of my associates have done4 ,nor have ,i given up the belief that1 if we work on our ideals1 devote ourselves to them1 in the face of every obstacle1 we shall be lifted out of the dreadful mire of the commonplace1 where the feet of most of us stick fast all our lives4 ,but they will have no half-hearted devotion4 ,they want whole-souled service only1 and they are right4 ,willing to give us all of themselves it is only fair they should ask all from us4 8,i have worked but little in oil1 and am almost entirely uninstructed1 yet these pictures form1 whenever ,i take up a brush2 and it isn't putting it too strong to say that they beg to be painted4 ,they come in color exactly as they want to be put on canvas1--not simply in my mind1 but before my eyes1 though thin and shadowy4 8,one ,sunday when rambling in the country ,i passed an old well1 and said to myself1 #8,i'll paint that4' ,instantly ,i saw a man lying by the well1 though no man was there4 ,i painted it that way and put it up in the den ,i call my studio4 8,one day a stranger who came there with one of my friends saw it and took a great fancy to it4 ,he said it was a scene from his memory4 ,the old well was the one at his childhood's home1 and the man was his father1 as he had seen him lying in the shade many a time1 long ago4 ,the upshot of it was1 that he offered me two hundred and fifty dollars for it--it was a little thing--which it is needless to say ,i accepted4 ,when he went away ,i thought ,i ought to faint or do something extraordinary to work off my astonishment40 8,but you didn't rest on that80 8,no2 ,i went on with other ideals1 in little spots of time squeezed out of the odd-jobbery of my daily grind in black and white4 ,i believe that1 when we work on our ideals1 the very shape of our heads change4 ,my mother says mine is changing1 for which ,i am most grateful1 its original shape being like unto an old-fashioned country horse-block40 8,have you had sympathy in the pursuit of your ideals80 ,cartice asked4 8,not always4 ,that was a want ,i felt for ten years4 ,all that time ,i hunted for a companion1 an artist1 who1 like myself1 loved the country and rural subjects1 to paint with me4 ,at last ,i found one and have him yet4 ,we inspire each other4 ,together we go to the country on ,sundays and make studies4 ,the other artists ,i encounter in my humble path are so woodeny1 so coarse1 so worldly that ,i need patience to suffer them at all1 and ,i never find them companionable4 ,they chaff me and call me a sentimentalist4 ,i don't care4 ,i believe in sentiment4 ,if ,i didn't idealize life and work1 ,i should have to give both up4 ,i would willingly go and live in the humblest little old place in the country and never see a city again1 if ,i could but work on my ideals40 ,cartice was seeing the square-headed little plodder from a new point of view--an inner and spiritual one1 and in its beautifying light the square head became symmetrical1 the stooping shoulders erect1 the pale face attractive1 the eyes aflame with vital force1 and the bearing that of one conscious of being of value4 ,it was then that she recognized him as one of her own people1 from her own planet1 and blamed herself for not sooner seeing through the transparent mask that hard environment had made4 ,she asked him what he thought is to be the fate of those1 who1 having an ideal1 stifle1 ignore or slaughter it even1 and give their time and energy to the performance of some poor pitiful1 paltry work which demands but a tithe of their ability1 for the sake of a little money with which to keep out the unwelcome howls of the wolf4 8,look about you and see10 he said1 with a contemptuous gesture4 8,look at me1 a creature slinking in and out of rich publishing houses1 hunting crumbs1 like the dogs that hung round the rich man's table1 with fear written in every movement1 dejection in my spirit1 indigence in my garments and weariness in my heart40 ,he got up and walked to and fro nervously1 and as he moved and talked he became transformed4 ,the timid1 shrinking little figure vanished and in its place strode one whose step was firm and eye fearless4 8,there are hundreds like me4 ,the woods--the city's accursed woods are full of them4 ,they run over each other in their eagerness to do the bidding of some master who can drop a coin or so into their flabby purses4 ,faust sold his soul to the devil for a good price2 but we1 miserable wretches1 sell it daily for a song4 ,why8 ,because we are such pitiful cowards that we can't face the scarecrow that goes by the name of starvation4 ,we live so far below our true selves that we don't know the law that would carry us through1 which is1 give the best to get the best4 ,why not trust the soul8 ,the ideal is the real2 it is the voice of the soul1 otherwise the voice of ,god1 and it must have expression4 ,if not here and now1 then sometime1 somewhere4 ,its account is bound to be presented and must be paid4 ,death itself can't prevent the final settlement4 8,what do they do at school with the lazy boy who slights his lessons8 ,after a while they turn him back in his books and he has his road to retrace4 ,we shall have the same experience1 if we have heard the voice of the ideal and heeded it not4 ,we shall be sent back to do it all over again--yes1 from beyond the grave1 for what can there be on the other side for him who has betrayed his trust1 but contempt and a command to go back and try again80 ,he stopped before ,cartice1 and with blazing eyes and uplifted finger said1 8,in this moment ,i determine to outrage my ideals no more1 come what may4 ,i have new light4 ,we all have been acting on the assumption that we knew what would happen if we didn't do thus and so4 ,in point of fact nobody knows4 ,with results we have nothing to do4 ,we have only to follow our highest leading and leave the rest to ,god4 ,to ignore or debase a noble gift that has been entrusted to us is a sin against our souls1 which many of us have stupidly committed day after day1 and we are daily paying the penalty4 ,you shall see me here no more1 bartering work in which ,i have no heart for a few miserable dollars4 ,never again2 no1 never again40 8,you are right1 ,mr4 ,bardell1 a thousand times right10 said ,mrs4 ,doring1 with throbbing heart and glistening eyes4 8,i have long known that one should never give less than the best1 and that an outraged ideal will be avenged4 ,yet ,i daily commit that sin4 ,i used to feel that ,i had something more than common to do in the world4 ,i had ideals2 but ,i put them off1 always waiting for a time when ,i could see my way clear to devote myself entirely to them4 ,i waited too long4 ,now they come less frequently and are less urgent1 and ,i have grown weary and indifferent4 ,i wasted my time hunting happiness40 8,happiness belongs to the ideal10 said ,bardell4 8,it is a matter of subjective appreciation1 so is its opposite1 misery4 ,perhaps it would be clearer to say that happiness exists in the idea one forms of it1 hence it is purely ideal4 ,we are happy1 when we believe ourselves happy4 ,but for the most part all the world thinks happiness is to be found in externals2 that it can be secured in thick slices which we can eat like bread1 while comfortably seated in good houses4 ,money and marriage are supposed to have a monopoly of it4 ,what idiocy60 8,yes1 idiocy10 ,cartice echoed4 8,thackeray says1 #8,for my own part ,i know of nothing more contemptible1 unmanly or unwomanly and craven than the everlasting sighing for happiness4' ,when a child1 ,i had a consciousness or memory of a world in which ,i had once lived where there was no such word as happiness1 and yet none were unhappy4 ,i understand that now4 ,it means that happiness only exists where it is not thought of1 talked about or pursued4 ,i believe it is intended that we shall be happy2 but not in our own foolish way4 ,freedom is the destiny of the human race1 and that freedom holds for us a happiness infinitely greater and higher than we now can imagine1 because it contains our full development1 our perfected intellectual and spiritual growth4 ,it is the freedom of truth1 long since prophesied4 ,when we know the truth1 we are free1 and happiness comes with freedom4 ,heaven is within one2 it consists in the soul's unfolding or coming into a knowledge of itself4 ,we reach that through expression4 ,in this way we grow1 as every plant struggles to do4 ,so you see1 if we strangle our ideals1 we stunt our growth1 and shall be cut down like the bent1 and imperfect tree1--cut down1 to come again perhaps1 for another trial1 and still another and another until our destiny is accomplished4 ,therefore it is that doing our best should be our religion1 as it is nature's religion4 ,it is the only road we can take which leads to the goal at which we must arrive1 sooner or later4 ,it is the price each soul must pay who would be saved4 ,instead of that1 most of us have gone about hunting happiness on a childish plane1 and making a great plaint1 when we didn't find it4 ',twould be laughable1 were it not so pitiful40 8,isn't it plain enough10 said ,bardell1 8that if a wholesome civic and social spirit prevailed1 we should be sufficiently enlightened to find our reward in doing our best1 whether it were to raise potatoes1 polish door knobs or paint pictures4 ,all great men and women who have helped humankind have done so4 ,they gave their best and nothing less1 even when the world did not want it1 and stoned them for it4 ,they had a far greater reward than human appreciation4 ,they grew to heroic1 mental and spiritual stature4 ,if ,jesus of ,nazareth had not given the best that was in ,him1 even at the cost of crucifixion1 ,he could not have been the light of the world4 8,how would it be with the world to-day1 if all the great spirits that make up the enlightened minority1 had merely jogged on doing something that secured the necessities of the body1 rather than run any risk of being short of bread by pointing to a new road8 ,the soul must follow its best light1 taking no thought for the result4 ,i shall do that henceforth40 8,i rejoice in your emancipation10 ,cartice said1 looking at him with glowing eyes4 8,i begin to see what it means to be born again4 ,may it not be to awaken a knowledge of our own being1 value and work80 ,bardell bade her good-bye with the seriousness of one going on a long journey4 ,when he was gone a new sense of loneliness came over her4 ,it was because he already had started up the mountain1 leaving her still in the vale4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,the ,,joys4 8,why went that young life out ,on honor's perilous road8 ,the carping tongue and the jealous mind ,stay here to wound and goad4 8,a picture once ,i saw-- ,three crosses against the sky6 ,and the heaviest cross was the highest one2 ,perhaps that answers why40 ,mrs4 ,doring was surprised and delighted at receiving a visit from the ,joys one evening4 ,having parted with everything that goes by the name of property1 they had come to ,new ,york to seek fortune on the dramatic stage1 both having talent and taste for mimic art4 ,as joyful as ever1 they met their changed fortunes with their old-time merry laugh4 ,their two children were in an excellent school1 and the business now in hand was seeking a chance to earn the money necessary to keep the machinery of life moving for them all4 8,our time for looking about is somewhat limited10 said ,burton1 with cheery humor1 8as the cash box is not overflowing40 8,we shall find something10 said ,lilla1 with calm assurance4 8,,must10 said ,mrs4 ,doring4 8,must is a magnet4 ,what we must have1 we always get40 ,the difficult search began at once in dead earnest4 ,thousands had walked the rough road before them1 some of whom had found foothold1 but others by scores and hundreds had gone down in the city's remorseless maelstrom4 ,it was like being wrecked in mid-ocean4 ,some managed to seize a plank and keep afloat4 ,some spent their strength and sank early4 ,others buffeted the waves long and bravely1 only to go down at last1 a pitiful1 a woful1 a heart-breaking spectacle4 ,the animal known as the dramatic agent was an unknown quantity to the ,joys1 hence they were not prepared for his peculiar antics4 ,snubs1 insults and sneers rained down upon them4 ,still they kept on and still they wore cheerful faces1 still the sunshine of their hearts was unclouded--the heavenly sunshine that was rated as mere empty-headedness by duller1 coarser souls4 ,days and weeks rolled on1 for 8time carries no anchor10 until the money that constituted their plank on the city's rough ocean was gone4 ,when talking with ,cartice one evening1 ,lilla ,joy said3 8,if we did not know that we outlast death and have endless life before us1 ,burton and ,i would end our troubles and our children's too1 perhaps4 ,it would require less courage than we need for one day of life now4 ,but we know that we can't kill ourselves1 however much we might try because there is no death4 ,in spite of bullets1 knives1 poisons and rivers1 we should still be alive1 wondering1 no doubt1 why we were so blind as to think we could destroy that which is indestructible4 ,no2 our salvation must be worked out clear to the end1 uncomplainingly4 ,we are here to learn1 and must stay until we are ready to go higher4 ,at the longest1 our probation is short1 and it means so much to us4 ,we are building the edifice of character1 which is to last for all time4 ,this little chapter of existence is but a day in the great cycle4 ,no2 ,i shall not give up2 ,i shall never despair1 let come what may40 ,day succeeded day1 but no brighter outlook opened1 yet never were they seen with a cloud on their faces4 ,though their purses were empty1 friendship and compassion kept away bitter need1 and their spirits were sweet enough to accept the goods the gods sent without letting their pride be wounded4 ,it needs a sweeter spirit to receive than to give4 ,at last a foothold on the stage was gained for both--an opportunity more likely to increase humility than foster vanity1 but they accepted it thankfully1 and it led on to better things4 ,all went well for a time2 but one day a telegram came announcing the dangerous illness of their children1 who had fallen victims to an epidemic4 ,they went at once4 ,the children died1 and a few days later their father also closed his eyes to this world4 ,lilla returned to ,new ,york to go on with the grim business of life4 ,was the joy gone from her face8 ,no2 it was still there1 softened1 heightened and illumined by a new and holy light4 8,dear friend10 she said1 as she and ,cartice talked together on the evening of her return1 8there are three new graves in the old cemetery at home1 but they do not hold my husband and children4 ,that which each contains is an unreality1 a thing never destined to endure1--a garment which the real being wore to make itself seen by our dim eyes4 ,alice ,carey has described it well3 ,though you wore something earthly about you ,which once we called you-- ,a robe all transparent and brightened ,with the soul shining through4 ,but when you had dropped it in going-- ',twas but yours for a day-- ,safe back in the bosom of ,nature1 ,we laid it away4 ,strewing over it odorous blossoms1 ,their perfume to shed3 ,but you never were buried beneath them1 ,and never were dead4 8,friends say that ,i am left alone2 but it is not true4 ,i am never alone4 ,there is no separation for those whom love unites4 ,we are one in the universal spirit of love--,god4 ,did not one friend beyond the grave tell us that every death is a resurrection8 ,is not the stone already rolled away from every sepulchre8 ,would ,i call my dear ones back to face the cruel conditions of life here8 ,no1 a thousand times no4 ,when ,i looked at the dead face of my husband1 so calm1 and profoundly at peace with everything1 ,i said #8,my love1 my dear love1 heart of my heart and soul of my soul1 love of my youth and companion of my spirit forevermore1 ,i thank ,god that the hard things of the world can hurt you no more4' ,the cruelest pang poverty has given me was seeing him bear humiliation and insult in silence1 with heavenly patience4 ,poverty for oneself is bad enough1 but when we see those we love suffer because of it1 we know exquisite anguish4 ,i can make the fight alone1 and it is better so4 ,he is safe4 ,that will sustain me4 8,and my children2 they1 too1 are safe4 ,it is well with them4 ,they are not lost4 ,all things we call lost are in the angels' keeping4 8,i shall go on with my work1 thankful for the chance1 disagreeable as much of it is1 because of unavoidable contact with shallow1 inferior people4 ,but my true life is away from it all1 sacred and safe4 ,there is a reason beyond my fathoming for my being what and where ,i am4 ,it is all right--all wisely directed1 and ,i shall go on1 not sullenly1 but in patience and hope4 ,my faith is that all is well4 ,i must live it and not simply talk it40 ,looking at ,lilla's beautiful face1 brightened with the radiance of belief1 ,cartice ,doring knew that one by one she was finding her people--the people whom she dimly remembered as having been a part of her life in the remote past1 and who were linked by the ties of sympathy and love to the present and all the endless future4 ,her own people1--the faithful1 the heroic1 the aspiring1 the wide-minded1 the loving1 the true4 ,lilla was one of them--,lilla of the light heart and rippling laugh in days gone by2 and of the sturdy soul and dauntless faith in sorrow and misfortune4 ,now ,cartice saw that her own people all became acquainted with suffering1 sooner or later1 and that this was the greatest of teachers to the human race4 ,without suffering nothing is born1 nothing grows4 8,who are these in white garments80 asked the saint of the heavenly visions4 8,they are those who have passed through great tribulation10 was the answer4 ,in fancy she saw again the long procession1 made up of her people4 ,out of the dim and far distant past they came1 filing steadily on into the unseen1 endless future4 ,in each spirit burned the quenchless fire we name genius2 on each face were signs of suffering2 8but no voice uttered plaints40 ,not all were victors4 ,many were of the baffled and beaten1 the disappointed and defeated1 but they went to the wall with unbent head and silent1 smiling lips4 8,my people1 my dear people10 she said1 8with you ,i breathe the air native to my soul4 ,you sought the truth1 you found it1 you lived it1 and it made you free40 ,what is truth8 ,who can answer the ,roman governor's question8 ,in the ,syriac tongue it is described as 8the arrow which flies to the mark40 ,nothing else reaches the mark4 ,nothing else has a mark4 ,life has no other aim and end than to free oneself from error1 through a knowledge of truth4 ,this is the only power that can set us free1 and only in freedom is happiness4 ,but with most people the search is not for truth but success--success on the commonplace1 external plane--which is the very negation of moral growth and spiritual progress4 ,high minds1 dedicated to noble ideals are few1 but mediocres are numerous4 8,when we have escaped from the region of mediocrity we revel in a purer atmosphere1 where we may join hands with the elect and dance a round10 said ,marie ,bashkirtseff1 one of the youngest1 bravest and brightest of the elect4 ,the mediocre mass is an aggregation of self-enslaved minds1 against whose self-satisfied stupidity the gods themselves are powerless4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,people ,,of ,,the ,,past4 8,here sits he1 shaping wings to fly3 ,his heart forebodes a mystery2 ,he names the name eternity40--,tennyson4 8,what birth is1 that also is death2 it is the same line drawn in two directions40--,schopenhauer4 ,one evening at the house of a famous orator ,mrs4 ,doring saw a face with which she had been familiar since childhood1 yet never before had she seen it outside of the enchanted realm of imagination4 ,it was a woman's face1 strong1 noble1 beautiful1 and the eyes1 the brown eyes of it1 had in them a compassion that embraced the whole human race4 ,cartice looked upon it with an all-compelling fascination1 for it was the face of one of her own people--the very dearest one--the ,helen of her young dreams1 to whom she used to tell her hopes and yearnings1 and who always understood1 and gave sympathy and cheer4 ,how often had she pictured that face on paper1 trying to make objective what she saw clearly with her subjective sight1 but how impossible it had ever been to give the eyes the direct1 comprehensive1 compassionate glow that distinguished them1--the light of the soul itself1 which went straight to other souls6 ,she would not ask the name lest it prove to be one below her ideal4 ,she hardly dared look away lest the precious vision vanish1 while her eyes were turned aside4 ,no2 it were better to hold the glad fancy as long as possible4 8,do you know ,helen ,gardener80 asked a voice at her side4 ,she turned to the speaker1 dazed and scarcely understanding4 8,whom80 8,helen ,gardener1 the author1--that lady you were looking at just now4 ,like ,huxley and some of the more humble of us she believes that the main thing is to have done with lying40 8,then she is my ,helen10 thought ,cartice4 8,how remarkable1 too1 that she has the very same name ,i gave her40 8,come1 ,mrs4 ,doring10 said her friend1 8,i want to have you meet her4 ,i fancy you two will be pleased with each other40 ,when ,cartice found herself talking with the incarnation of one of her ideal people of long ago1 she had a flash of knowledge of the oneness1 inseparableness and unchangeableness of all things past1 present and future4 ,did her new-found1 old-time friend recognize her8 ,it would seem so1 for she was strongly attracted to ,cartice from the first moment4 ,the question under discussion in the little group of whom she was one1 was whether art1 especially the art of fiction1 should exist for art's sake only--that is to give pleasure--or should it also aim to instruct4 8,i believe10 said ,helen ,gardener1 8and have lived up to my belief1 that fiction which merely entertains1 and carefully steers clear of the deep and often dark problems that face all thoughtful minds is pernicious in its effect4 ,the literature of the optimist is the literature of shallowness and selfishness1 a bid for surface appreciation1 an appeal to a light and superficial taste4 ,life is tragic4 ,if it be represented in fiction1 let the picture be true to nature4 ,the novel should be a tonic1 not an opiate4 ,what think you1 ,mrs4 ,doring80 8,like ,goethe and ,schiller ,i think art #8no luxury of leisure1 no mere amusement to charm the idle nor relax the care-worn2 but a mighty influence1 serious in its aims1 although pleasurable in its means4' ,the advocates of art for art's sake1 say that its object is the creation of the beautiful4 ,what is the beautiful8 ,is it that which pleases the eye only1 or has it power to thrill the soul8 ,the great novels have all carried great messages4 ,they have shaken the hearts of men and aroused them to new knowledge2 they have broken the bonds of prejudice1 and set the bondsmen free4 ,they have effected a movement of the thought-world in the direction of #8that far-off1 divine event toward which the whole creation moves4' ,they have spoken the truth as their authors beheld it40 ,helen ,gardener's brown eyes glowed and she smiled affectionately1 saying3 8,you and ,i belong to the same ethical family1 ,mrs4 ,doring40 99 99 99 99 99 ,that night as she lay down to sleep1 ,cartice half persuaded herself that she was again a child1 day-dreaming under the elm tree1 the world unknown and still idealized1 and the years that lay between that time and the present obliterated4 8,do ,i wish it were so80 she asked herself4 8,no4 ,i am glad so much of the journey has been accomplished4 ,the future is always better than the past4 ,it has in it that which we are to become1 for life is endless becoming40 ,cartice and the new-found ,helen became warm friends2 but not till their friendship had stood the test of time did ,cartice tell her how the creative power we call imagination had found her years before4 ,quite as unexpectedly did ,mrs4 ,doring one day meet the stranger to whom she had confided her ambitions and dreams under the elm tree long ago4 ,she recognized him instantly1 though of course he did not know her4 ,the great world knew him well4 ,the bauble fame1 and the jewel of success were his4 ,it was he who had sung3 8,i'd rather fail in ,bohemia1 than win in another land4 99 99 99 99 99 ,its honors not garnered by thrift or trade1 ,but for beauty and truth men's souls have made40 ,when she made herself known to him1 his first question was1 8,have you found your own people80 8,a few10 she answered1 8a faithful few2 but the search goes on forever40 ,in a little while he went away--went into the silence4 ,still another picture of the past came and blended with the present4 ,in the parlors of a friend one evening1 ,mrs4 ,doring met a number of the most eminent women from all parts of the country1 who work for the political liberty of their sex4 ,there had been a convention in ,washington1 and many of the delegates were 8doing0 ,new ,york before returning home4 ,a lady from what then was a territory1 but is now a state1 charmingly told some of her experiences in laboring with members of her legislature4 ,she mentioned name after name1 relating various incidents1 some humorous1 and some exciting compassion on account of their revelation of the depths of ignorance in certain legislative minds4 8,after several encounters with darkened minds of the class ,i have just mentioned10 said the speaker1 8it was a pleasure to have a chat with ,representative ,kendall4 ,we knew well where he stood1 for throughout his career1 as editor and lawmaker1 he has distinguished himself as the staunch friend of every movement that promised to help women win a greater freedom and therefore gain a greater usefulness4 8,once ,i asked him how it was that he who had appreciated women personally so little as never to have married one1 was yet so loyal a supporter of them in the aggregate that he cheerfully put his shoulder to the wheel of every cart which carried their burdens4 8#8,now that1' said he1 with a boyish laugh and sunny smile1 #8has its root in a bit of sentiment2 but ,i don't deny that it has grown into a principle4 ,the only woman ,i found indispensable to me found me very dispensable to her4 ,through that experience ,i learned that love1 if it be genuine1 can rise higher than possession4 ,she was of your emancipated2 that is1 she made a place for herself in the world1 and leaned on no one4 ,her life showed me that woman could grow to heroic mental stature1 if she would think1 work and act for herself4 ,the one of whom ,i speak requested me to do what ,i could all my life to make it easier for women to get out of their dependent condition4 ,i have done so and have found pleasure in it4 ,she is in the world somewhere1 still1 and ,i feel that everything ,i do for women helps her4 ,that's my story4 ,take it and use it1 if you wish1 as an example of how the monster man can be humanized and regenerated by a woman who neither loved him nor married him4' 8#8,whatever good ,i may have done1 whatever ,i have achieved in any praiseworthy direction1 ,i owe to that woman4 ,but for her wholesome encouragement1 if living at all1 ,i should be still a clerk at some more prosperous man's desk1 withered in spirit and wasted in body1 and with no brains at all4 ,it used to be quite the correct thing1 in stories1 for good women to marry rakish fellows1 and #8make men of them1' as the phrase had it4 ,i am now convinced they achieve that result far quicker1 when they don't marry them1 whether rakish or otherwise1 but make them stand on their own feet entirely4'0 ,mrs4 ,doring listened to this story1 feeling very much as might a ghost who comes wandering back to its old haunts and hears some one talking of its life when on earth1 for this ,kendall was her old lover whom she loved not and she was the woman of whom he spoke4 ,turning to the writing desk of her hostess1 she wrote3 8,cartice ,hill ,doring sends regards to the ,honorable ,charles ,kendall4 ,it is with grateful pleasure she learns that he has been faithful to the promise made to her long ago1 to do what he could to make life broader and freer for womankind40 ,the response was prompt and full4 ,he told the story of his life from the day of their parting to the day of writing4 ,then came these paragraphs3 8,i am more than glad to have found you again4 ,not that ,i ever really lost you1 for you have an eternal abiding-place in my mind and heart4 ,though ,i have forgotten much and wish ,i could forget still more of the rubbish of memory1 neither you nor aught pertaining to you can be forgotten4 ,you are not forgettable4 ,but ,i am glad to be able to talk with you once more1 although it be only on paper and across a continent4 ,for me the end of the drama is near4 ,i am in the last act1 which has but few scenes4 ,life and death6 what are they8 ,we know as much of one as of the other1 for we understand neither4 ,we drop the question of whence because the imminent whither faces us and must be met1 and dark enough it looms before us as we confront it at short range4 ,who can answer this cry of perplexed humanity8 8,i turn to you as ,i did in the past1 and bade you decide whether ,i should go or stay4 ,now ,i have no choice but to go2 yet tell me1 shall ,i go with peace and trust into light1 or must ,i lie down to be wrapped in darkness and silence forever8 ,it is a time when my own strength is insufficient1 and ,i reach out for the clasp of an assuring hand4 8,is it strange that ,i turn to you for the help ,i need on this journey1 which1 though lonesome1 is brief8 ,it seems a natural thing to do4 ,in all the years since ,i saw you1 and have known nothing of you1 when the way was uncertain1 ,i always turned to you for guidance4 ,i said to myself3 #8,would ,cartice ,hill wish me to do this8' ,and ,i did that which ,i thought you would sanction4 ,so you see you have been with me all the time4 ,we have never been separated4 8,to me you are always young--young and full of courage and hope4 ,i see you as ,i saw you last1 a precious picture in my memory4 ,the years that have passed since then are blown like a breath away4 ,i am sitting beside you in the park again4 ,i can almost touch your blue dress1 and ,i hear the scratching of your parasol as you wrote with its tip on the ground4 8,the disease that was incipient in me in youth has been bravely baffled by this climate4 ,i sometimes think it is the insidious agent that will ultimately destroy the human race4 ,the end must come1 however1 even here1 and ,i see that it is coming4 8,so tell me what life has taught you about death1 if anything4 ,no matter how hard and grim and fearsome the knowledge may be1 ,i want to know it4 ,strange that although we devote our lives to learning1 and many become vain of their acquirements1 of this1 the most important of all subjects1 nobody knows anything1 and nobody cares to learn till about to open the dread door40 ,this appeal ,cartice answered by telling the story of her communion with friends called dead1 and she told this with a directness and simplicity that went straight to the mark4 ,to her it was clear enough that1 if a man die1 he shall live again1--and shall grow1 his growth depending upon his aspirations4 ,genius itself has been described as a 8faculty for growth40 ,being a citizen of the universe1 man is destined to know the universe as his native village4 ,the form only changes4 ,death is not4 ,to this ,kendall wrote3 8,you have destroyed the last enemy for me4 #8,only the form changes4' ,need we dread that8 ,we may even be said to be used to it4 ,we haven't the same bodies we began life with4 ,they have changed in every particular1 again and again4 8,how extraordinary have been your privileges of learning those things to which most of us have been so blind4 ,why not write the story out more fully and publish it8 ,since it has helped me1 might it not help others8 ,but don't put it into a newspaper4 ,there it would take no higher rank than the traditional1 blood-curdling ghost-story4 ,make a book of it4 ,that will place it on its own feet1 to stand or fall by its merits4 8,yes1 tell your experiences with those who dwell in what we call another world2 in fact1 however1 another condition4 8,i have had an instinctive1 though not unwavering belief that this life was not the end of us--perhaps not the beginning2 but ,i had my hours of gloomy doubt4 ,the old twaddle of an eternity of happiness made up of harps and golden streets did not appeal to either my intelligence or taste4 ,perhaps1 it was a shade less attractive than annihilation4 8,learning to grow and to do1 that is what makes an immortality worth having4 8,i have lived on good terms with my conscience1 which is of an old-fashioned cut1 not from fear of hell or hope of heaven1 but because ,i am that sort of man4 ,i could not do otherwise4 ,yet ,i wish ,i might have learned what you tell me1 earlier4 ,i think it would have made the ills of life here of less moment and might have enhanced its joys and beauties4 8,who1 understanding the philosophy of continued life as it has been revealed to you1 could fail to try and acquire some of the capital1 thieves cannot steal1 with which to begin the larger life that opens to us1 when we pass the gates of death8 ,it is helping me to make my remaining time of more value4 8,you have influenced me as no other person has done ever since ,i knew you4 ,now you light the road out of the world for me4 ,i begin to see that there are no accidents4 8,let who will write the shallow tales that reach no farther than the wedding-day4 ,write you the wonderful story of the love of ,god1 as 'twas told you by those who have tasted death and found it not bitter--tell how this love encompasses and pervades everything in the universe1 conserving all and destroying nothing4 ,tell of the happiness destined for the soul of man1 which consists in endless unfolding4 ,tell all this as simply and directly as you have told it to me1 and you will inspire the doubting and cheer the despairing40 ,to which ,cartice replied3 8,in an old book it is written1 #8,though one returned from the dead1 they would not believe4'0 ,kendall wrote3 8,in the same book it is written1 #8,let your light shine4'0 ,that night she sat down to write the first chapter of the book1 but instead wrote this3 ,,his ,,message4 ,he came1 my dead love1 at the close of the day1 ,though the earth had long covered his garments of clay4 ,his face glowed with light and with love as he smil'd ,and spoke in the voice that my heart had beguil'd-- ,the beautiful voice that my heart had beguil'd4 8,you have wondered1 my darling1 what soul was the one ,to first greet me with love when my dying was done-- ,when ,i woke from the slumber that stretches between ,the flesh-and-blood world and the kingdom unseen-- ,the world that you see and the kingdom unseen4 8,know then that the spirit1 earth's veil cast away1 ,sees only the true in that radiant day4 ,he who first o'er my spirit1 newborn1 bent and smiled1 ,was the foe who had gone from me unreconciled-- ,my foe who had gone from me unreconciled40 ,so spake my dead love and then vanished away1 ,like the mist of the valley when riseth the day4 ,but ,i know1 since that moment1 that hate is a dream ,from which the soul wakes when it crosses ,death's stream-- ,awakes to love only1 across that dark stream4 ,i know1 too1 that ,death cannot change1 cannot kill ,e'en the person4 ,my lover1 though dead1 loves me still2 ,for he came1 as of old1 and upon me he smil'd1 ,and spoke in the voice that my heart had beguil'd-- ,the beautiful voice that my heart had beguil'd4 ,the book was begun4 ,the writing of it was not an easy task in spite of the writer's warm interest in her theme4 ,little snatches of time1 after the daily grind at her editorial desk was over1 were all she could devote to it4 ,often she was too tired to write a line until she had rested hours4 ,then1 perhaps1 to make up for such indulgence1 she wrote far into the night--wrote as though bayonets were pressing her--wrote with no thought of publisher or public in mind4 ,the truth1 to write the truth1 as it was revealed to her1 this was her inspiration1 her strength1 her reward4 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,the ,,butterfly',s ,,flight4 8,the ,knight of the ,pale ,horse1 he laid ,his shadowy lance against the spell1 ,that hid her ,self3 ,as if afraid1 ,the cruel blackness shrank and fell4 ,then1 lifting slow her pleasant sleep1 ,he took her with him through the night1 ,and swam a river cold and deep ,and vanished up an awful height40 --,s4 ,m4 ,b4 ,piatt4 ,some time1 it may be1 before the world is very much older1 we shall know well what now we but dimly discern1 that thought is the substance and will the operating force of the universe1 and that both are electric4 ,then shall we understand the irresistible powers of attraction which thought has for kindred thought2 and we shall know why we seek eternally our own kind of people1 consciously or unconsciously1 and never know rest for the spirit until we find them1 for only with them is to be had the life-giving1 soul-sustaining quality of sympathy1 through whose vibrations the universe was formed and is maintained4 ,in obedience to this law of attraction ,cartice ,doring continued to search for persons awake to the joyful fact that there is no death1 so she might learn more of the laws which govern communion between life here and beyond4 ,she found believers1 but because of the various fads and diversified foolishness with which they frequently garnished their belief they were of slight help to her4 ,each gave his faith a name that revealed the fence he had built around his mind1 though he condemned all other fences4 ,some preached against the phenomena of the spiritual philosophy and secretly reveled in it4 ,and there were the theosophists1 who1 as ,mr4 ,stead says1 can always explain everything4 ,from the proud eminence of their omniscience many of them looked down on plain spiritualists1 and advised against showing any civility to spirits4 ,yet they patronized mediums and astrologers on the sly1 and frequently produced a little of the phenomena themselves1 merely to show their occult power4 ,among these and sometimes outside the sacred pale1 were reincarnationists who make the plausible and beautiful theory of progression through an eternity of existences distasteful and tiresome by their 8memories0 of past human experiences4 ,they had been princes of high degree1 invariably1 never paupers or criminals4 ,napoleons1 ,csars1 ,mahomets1 ,cleopatras and ,sapphos were wearisomely plentiful2 but humbler types were rare4 ,many were so busy feeding their vanity with these romantic hallucinations they had no time to learn anything useful4 ,hypnotists were numerous1 many of them claiming that their particular science accounted for everything under the sun4 ,then there were many who declared that in all the universe there is but good2 but they fell into factions represented by different leaders1 and fought many and many a bitter bout to prove it4 ,it was enough to make one cry out in anguish1 8,where can wisdom be found8 ,and where is the place of understanding80 ,yet it had its hopeful side4 ,it showed that many were thinking1 and1 though thought took different trends1 all roads eventually lead to the truth4 ,letters came often from ,chrissalyn1 but they contained no messages from friends invisible1 for she never gave them an opportunity to say anything1 after ,cartice went away4 ,she was afraid4 ,sometimes a picture or vision flashed before her1 in spite of her avoidance of everything of the kind4 ,if it pertained to her friend she told her2 but that was all4 ,six years had passed with never a sight of the ,butterfly's beloved face1 and never a word from the dear people of the unseen world4 ,cartice had felt their presence often1 and knew that they were faithful2 but she was hungry for a word from them4 ,now came a letter from ,chrissalyn begging her to spend some weeks with her4 ,it was a particularly girlish and extravagant letter1 almost a photograph of the mind of the unregenerate ,butterfly of old4 ,she knew a delightful little summer resort where they could go and be out of the sight and sound of work and care of every hue4 ,she had set her heart upon it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,arranging for a leave of absence ,mrs4 ,doring soon was on her way4 ,she found her friend in extraordinarily good spirits1 and their reunion was of a school-girlish order of delight4 ,after a few hours the years of their separation seemed never to have been4 ,we have all had this experience and wondered at it4 ,after long absence we come back to a familiar spot1 and in a little while find it difficult to persuade ourselves that we have ever been away4 ,perhaps this is a proof that to the true self there is neither separation nor distance1 nor past nor future4 ,all is near and all is now4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,butterfly had a new assortment of radiant wings--otherwise garments--ready to spread gaily at the springs4 ,one by one she displayed them with childish pleasure1 for personal adornment had ever been her fetich4 8,as we get on a little in years10 she said1 8all we can do to head off the enemy1 ,age1 is to make believe we ignore him4 ,extra paint and feathers are necessary4 ,i've had it flung in my face that ,i'm not so young as ,i was1 but ,i won't admit it4 ,anyhow ,i'm still young enough to excite envy and jealousy40 ,here she laughed with diabolical pleasure4 8,i intend to make the best of this world and stay in it as long as ,i can1 notwithstanding it's no paradise4 ,but ,i have lost some illusions in regard to it4 ,for instance1 that of my own irresistible attractiveness4 ,i can draw moths yet1 but formerly ,i thought ,i could attract men1 providing ,i ever encountered such beings40 ,again1 night after night1 ,chrissalyn sat as of old1 calling up for her friend's delight the unseen people who were always ready to respond4 ,when ,cartice spoke of the long time that had passed with never a word from one of them1 ,moreau said3 8,no time has passed4 ,there is no time4 ,to the spirit a thousand years are as one day40 ,the last evening in the city came4 ,they were to start for the springs early next day4 ,the luggage was carefully packed and so their minds were easy on that score4 ,when they went upstairs the house was perfectly still1 all save themselves being asleep4 ,they sat down in ,chrissalyn's room to chat4 ,cartice thought she never had seen the ,butterfly look so young1 so beautiful1 so hopeful1 so happy4 ,preparing the table for ,planchette they eagerly awaited the messages that would surely come over that inexplicable telephone4 ,now something passing strange occurred4 ,from the empty air beside them music burst forth--music the like of which they had never heard--music made by instruments unknown to them1 but of unearthly sweetness1 with power to thrill to the depths of their being4 ,awed and amazed the two friends looked at each other1 in silence4 ,then1 as its heavenly sweet vibrations shook their souls1 the tears ran from their eyes1 they knew not why4 ,again and again the unseen musicians made marvelous melody for the two enchanted listeners4 ,sometimes the chords were plaintively sad1 sometimes joyous1 but always penetrating the deepest recesses of being1 the inner sanctuary where poetry and dreams have their high and heavenly dwelling-place4 ,the two entranced listeners sat facing each other1 lost in the delicious spell of the melody4 ,suddenly an electric breeze enveloped ,cartice1 sending over her that creepy thrill we are all familiar with1 which resembles fear1 but is not fear4 ,there1 before her eyes1 just back of ,chrissalyn1 stood ,prescott1 looking exactly the same as when with them in material form4 ,somehow she was made to understand that she must not cry out--nor tell ,chriss that he was there4 ,spellbound and silent she watched him4 ,he laid his hand on the ,butterfly's shining head1 smiled and spoke4 ,she saw his lips move1 and the glitter of his teeth1 but heard no sound1 understood no word4 ,then1 while her eyes were still upon him1 he vanished4 8,you look very pale1 ,cartice4 ,are you frightened80 ,chrissalyn asked1 as the music ceased4 ,mrs4 ,doring shook her head1 for her tongue1 dry and powerless1 was no longer a willing servant4 ,the music came back no more4 ,after talking of the wonderful phenomenon awhile1 they bade each other good-night and parted4 ,cartice could not sleep4 ,the strange events of the evening drove away repose4 ,again and again she recalled the expression on ,prescott's face1 trying to translate it into words1 but in vain4 ,only one thing was plain4 ,it was something pertaining to the ,butterfly1 and he didn't want her to know it4 ,after hours of wakefulness she slept and dreamed4 ,she and ,chrissalyn were dancing in a great and fantastic company4 ,everybody else wore masks1 but their faces were uncovered4 ,chrissalyn was the partner of a graceful knight in black velvet who whirled her on and on1 endlessly4 ,at last they rose into the air together1 and ,chriss became a veritable butterfly1 with beautiful silvery wings4 ,the knight also developed wings1 but they were black1 like his garments4 ,cartice called to her friend to come down1 but she only laughed and rose higher1 and finally flew out of sight4 ,with a wildly beating heart ,cartice awoke4 ,rising1 she dressed for the journey4 ,knocking on ,chrissalyn's door1 she received no answer4 ,then she called her1 and with light and jesting words bade her make haste4 ,still no answer4 ,opening the door she entered1 but started back with a cry whose thrill of horror went to the heart like a knife4 ,the ,butterfly had1 indeed1 spread silvery wings and flown1 for there lay her chrysalis1 cold1 white and pulseless4 ,the black knight of death had taken her out of sight4 ,the delicate1 long-ailing lungs had given way1 and the inevitable end had come4 ,she who loved the world and its foolish1 fleeting pleasures had gone suddenly out of it4 ,whither8 ,it was a sad heart that ,mrs4 ,doring carried back to ,new ,york1 in spite of her knowledge that the ,butterfly had but spread her wings4 ,sometimes in the darkness and silence of night she talked aloud to her vanished1 yet ever-present1 friend4 8,where are you1 ,butterfly8 ,can you hear me and see me8 ,do you know how heavy is my heart sometimes8 ,and are you happy in your new world8 ,is life more beautiful1 more perfect there8 ,and do you love me still80 ,no voice replied1 but the light1 caressing1 electric touches came sometimes1 and the stricken heart was comforted4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,the ,,prop ,,that ,,failed4 8,ye have read1 ye have heard1 ye have thought10 he said1 and the tale is still to run4 8,by the worth of the body that once ye had1 give answer--what have ye done80 --,rudyard ,kipling4 ,two years passed1 and ,mrs4 ,doring still sat at her editorial desk4 ,farnsworth had been the kindest and most considerate of employers4 ,the envious said no woman ever had an easier situation4 ,they raised their eyebrows1 when they said this1 implying the usual sentimental insinuations2 but they were mistaken4 ,farnsworth's regard for ,cartice had no sentimental coloring whatever4 ,he admired her ability and delighted in giving her a chance1 and making that chance as pleasant as possible1 having views on the unfair1 industrial1 political and social rulings from which women suffer4 ,he had come to ,new ,york1 a talented struggler4 ,now he was a millionaire1 chief proprietor of a great publishing house1 which had become great under his management1 and he loved to make the road a little smoother for those less able and less fortunate4 ,cartice loved him1 it is true2 but not as the common mind understands the term4 ,sometimes her eyes grew moist1 while she looked at him and wished she might have a chance to prove her gratitude4 ,he was to her like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land4 ,in the weakness of spirit ages have bred in her sex1 she regarded him as a wall that stood between her and possible calamity4 8,i need fear no financial disaster1 while he lives10 she thought4 8,his hand will be ever friendly2 his heart ever kind40 ,farnsworth was far above the average of men1 but he had a serious weakness of character that made curious comradeship with his better attributes4 ,anybody1 the least trustworthy1 the most malicious1 could sow in him seeds of suspicion against his best friend1 and in ten hours they would be full-grown trees1 loaded with bitter and baneful fruit4 ,when this happened his kindness vanished and he could be as cruel as hate4 ,his conscience fled the field1 whenever his vanity was ruffled4 ,knowing this a woman poisoned his mind against ,cartice ,doring1 by a few lying words--a woman who believed it would be to her interest to get ,cartice out of her way4 ,the seed sown sprouted1 grew1 blossomed and bore fruit within twenty-four hours4 ,the next day ,cartice found a note of dismissal on her desk1 the curtness of which was incompatible with the pretensions of a gentleman1 if addressed to one merely in the capacity of employee4 ,but when the employee was a social equal1 a faithful friend of years and a lady1 it showed a lack of self-control on the part of the writer seldom surpassed4 ,the tenor of it was that1 as she was 8not doing justice0 to the work entrusted to her care1 her services were dispensed with4 ,a check for the whole of the unfinished week was enclosed4 ,cartice read the letter and sat like one frozen1 and the heart-breaking1 unbearable look of long ago came again into her eyes4 ,every one who has received an unexpected1 felling blow from the hand of a friend can understand the blended astonishment and anguish of that moment4 ,she knew who had turned ,farnsworth against her and why it had been done1 but that could not help the irremediableness of the situation4 ,she could not go to ,farnsworth and mortify him by telling him this2 and she knew his implacable spirit too well to hope that he would so much as allow her an audience4 ,serious as was the blow to her finances1 its worst effect was on her heart4 ,black and deep are the bruises made by the hands we love4 8,i must not forget what ,i owe him for past kindness10 she said1--8must not let this cruelty put hatred into my heart4 ,i must forgive him1 for he knows not what he does4 ,being a man1 he cannot know how difficult is life for a woman1 under the existing order of things4 ,neither does he know how often heretofore my heart has bled from cruelty2 nor how ,i have loved him2 nor how weary and feeble ,i am much of the time4 8,no2 he doesn't know4 ,would any of us ever hurt another if we knew all that other has to bear8 ,besides1 it is better to be the victim of injustice than the perpetrator of it4 ,ugly as is poverty1 it is better to endure it than to have the power which the possession of millions confers and misuse it4 8,poor ,farnsworth10 she said4 8,success has spoiled your naturally beautiful soul4 8,the great destroyer of human conscience that goes by the name of business permits you to put me out of your service in a summary and humiliating manner1 which puts me out of your life and friendship at the same time1 though moral right to treat another human being in this way you have none4 ,but the law of causality is ever operative1 and you cannot escape the consequences of your deeds4 ,you will get back your meed as you measure4 8,i accept your dismissal as part and parcel of the destiny ,i am working out4 ,sooner or later every earthly prop on which ,i lean is taken from me4 ,everything has a meaning and purpose4 ,the lesson ,i have been slow to learn is now plain to me4 ,it is that ,i must stand alone1 and so must every soul1 somewhere1 some time4 ,props are destroyers of strength and character4 ,in all the universe there is but one on which we may lean without inviting weakness1 and that is ,eternal ,being1 the background of all life40 ,gathering up her little possessions from the place that had been her official home for eight years1 ,mrs4 ,doring walked out of it heavy-hearted and solitary4 ,the rock from which she had expected shelter had vanished from her horizon forever4 ,more6 ,it had never been there1 save in her imagination4 ,it was an illusion from which now she was free4 ,curiously enough we regret the loss of our illusions1 yet we ought to thank ,god fervently every time we get rid of one1 for it means that we are emerging from ignorance and darkness into light and knowledge1--approaching nearer to the truth that shall make us free4 ,on reaching home ,mrs4 ,doring sat down to take a practical view of the situation4 ,for nearly twenty years had she worked faithfully1 having begun at seventeen4 ,she had lived in modest comfort1 and by dint of self-denial had saved one thousand dollars4 ,what man above mediocrity would think that a fair recompense for half a lifetime's work8 ,a sudden cutting off like that is what any one may expect who has given his or her time and talents to the building up of another's business4 ,it is the soul's vengeance for not trusting it entirely1 and confidently following whithersoever it may lead4 ,but there is something shamefully immoral in our business methods1 when an employee after years of faithful service can be flung out without a chance for a word of defence4 ,it is as though our father should unexpectedly open the door of his home and bid us begone forever4 ,and is not our employer our business father1 from whom we have a right to expect consideration8 ,does he owe us nothing more than our weekly wage8 ,must his relation to us be always measured only by dollars and cents8 ,among the letters ,mrs4 ,doring took with her from the office unopened was one from ,bardell1 now in ,paris1 famous and prosperous beyond his dreams4 ,strange irony of fate that brought to her his glad story of fresh successes on the day that carried defeat to her4 ,with the superstition common to ,bohemia ,bardell considered ,cartice his mascot4 ,his letters were always frank1 friendly and charming4 ,his last words were3 8,follow your ideals4 ,they will lead you into freedom40 ,this reminded her of her book4 ,it was finished long since2 but the writing was scarcely half the battle4 ,it languished for want of a publisher4 ,those to whom it had been submitted1 had returned it1 one and all1 with the contempt1 but thinly veiled with regrets1 it had excited in their infallible minds4 ,one plainer spoken and less heavily veneered with the world's polish than the rest1 said to her face3 8,come now1 ,mrs4 ,doring1 you mustn't expect anybody to publish stuff of that kind--digging into the meaning of life1 higher methods of evolution1 #8shall we live after we die81' #8ultimate destiny of the human race1' and all such heavy timber4 ,people take no interest in these questions4 ,what we want is a rattling good love-story1 with plenty of hugging and kissing in it4 ,i like that in or out of a novel myself4 ,there must be some iron-clad obstructionists in it1 too1 cruel parents or other able marplots1 and the hero must get her in the last chapter or sooner4 ,anything but a story that doesn't end all right4 ,the public abhors it4 ,now1 your book is loaded with high-up1 mountain-peak thought1 and wouldn't sell at all40 ,another1 with whom also1 she had a personal interview1 a young man with extraordinary faith in his own wisdom1 smiled as he returned her manuscript1 and made his smile so vocative it needed few accompanying words4 8,it is1 ah--you know1 ,mrs4 ,doring1 so wide a departure from the standard of art in fiction1 that it might make even a publisher ridiculous1 to say nothing of the author4 ,one must keep somewhere within sight of the existing canons4 ,this1 if you will pardon me1 flies in the face of every one of them40 8,i dare say10 answered ,cartice4 8,i never troubled myself about the existing canons4 ,it is life as ,i know it that ,i have tried to portray2 not life as somebody else says it should be painted in books40 ,after a number of equally disheartening experiences1 the book was carefully laid aside to await the judgment day4 ,meantime these same publishing houses were exuding cart-loads of marketable abominations1 which were scattered in all directions1 doing their share in weakening the minds of their unfortunate readers4 ,life1 as depicted by them1 was a mere sex-chase1 more or less interrupted by the usual difficulties1 all of which was quite in accordance with the 8existing canons10 so much respected by the young man with the smile4 99 99 99 99 99 ,perhaps nothing gives us a lonelier feeling than to be cut off from our field of daily activity1 whatever it may have been4 ,cartice found herself set back to the dreadful days of her beginning in ,new ,york4 ,it was as though she had gone steadily up a steep slope1 to a respectable height1 only to be knocked violently to the bottom by the hand that was helping her upward4 8,had ,i developed the best that was in me--followed my ideals0--she said1 8this could not have happened4 ,in that case ,i should have stood alone long since1 leaning on no prop1 depending on no person's caprice4 ,set-backs and knock-downs are our schoolmasters1 and they are ever busy with us until we learn our lessons40 ,a loneliness assailed her heart1 poignant1 sharp1 deep4 ,all her life its resistless waves had at times rolled over her spirit1--a flood that would not be stayed4 ,it was that kind of loneliness that creates a solitude which is not placed in a densely peopled universe4 ,then came the comforting reflection that we are never alone1 never solitary1 however much we may seem to be1 and never absolutely on our own hands1 in spite of appearances4 ,about us are ever the spiritual hosts1 and back of us1 within us and about us1 the ,supreme ,self1 to which each is both inlet and outlet4 99 99 99 99 99 ,on the evening of ,mrs4 ,doring's first day of idleness1 ,gabriel ,norris called to see her4 ,for several years he had been a resident of ,new ,york4 ,in the worst of the thick mass of the miserables he had set up his cobbler's bench1 and opened an adjoining reading-room2 and there he fished for the souls of men1 in the great ocean of wretchedness whose huge waves beat about his door4 ,cartice told him the story of her summary ejectment from the place that she had so long occupied1 and the various shifts that she had been making in her mind for the future4 8,it's a good thing10 he said1 8when you don't know just what to do1 not to do anything--to wait1--wait without worry or anxiety--wait and trust4 ,unseen influences are ever at work on our destiny4 ,we can hurry nothing1 change nothing4 ,rest for a time4 ,you have been so busy most of your life that you have had but little chance to get acquainted with yourself4 ,you have a little capital ahead2 rest on that4 ,new ideas come in seasons of repose1 for then the mind is receptive40 8,that is what ,i had half-decided to do10 she answered1 8though ,i am still so much a slave to the old1 erroneous belief that ,i carry myself on my own shoulders1 ,i scarcely could get my consent to it40 8,and when you feel so disposed10 continued ,gabriel1 8come to my reading-room and read a story or a poem to my sheep--#8my po' los sheep o' de sheepfol1' whom ,i try so hard to gather in4 ,you may not know it--you know yourself so little--but you have the most beautiful voice ,i ever heard4 ,your reading1 as well as your speech1 is exquisite music4 #8,the soul of man is audible1 not visible1' says ,longfellow4 #8,it reveals itself in the voice4 ,a sound alone betrays the flowing of the eternal fountain4'0 ,anxiety and worry fell away from ,cartice ,doring soon as she determined to rest and trust4 ,a profound philosophic truth is here revealed4 ,when we trust1 ,god ,himself carries our burdens1 and we are set free from care4 ,trust is the essence1 the vital principle of religion1 which is at heart a recognition of the divine intelligence within us1 about us1 and is reflected by us1--the reality we call ,god4 ,it was a joy to be the mistress of her own time1 to know when she began the day that she could do with it what she pleased4 ,it was luxury to sit at an open window and feel the air blow over her1 and not be goaded by any thought of duty undone4 ,she went about the city and enjoyed its treasures of art and beauty4 ,she formed new friendships and cultivated old ones4 ,she read and1 through sympathy1 entered into1 the lives and feelings of authors and the people of their creation1 as never before4 ,she became better acquainted with herself1 and by that means with all others4 ,she went to ,gabriel ,norris's unsectarian temple and helped him feed his sheep4 ,there the music of her beautiful voice called in many a lost one4 ,the bitter loneliness that shadowed her at times fled away and troubled her no more4 ,her spirit came in sympathetic and loving touch with others1 with all that is1 with the universal mind itself1 for this is the purpose of life1 the union of the entire being with its original4 ,this is the true freedom which is the destiny of the human race4 ,the individual self becomes one with the universal1 and is henceforth free from limitations1 from restrictions1 from bondage of every kind4 ,it exchanges its little circle of personal desires for the great world-consciousness4 ,whosoever does this even in the most limited degree puts care and trouble behind him4 ,thus it was that this truth which ,cartice ,doring had long theoretically accepted1 became a part of her being4 ,she began to live it and be it1 for we only really accept truth when we are it4 ,her eyes lost the look of suffering that lighted them at times with a moving and resistless fire1 and became trustful1 hopeful1 peaceful1 like those of a happy child4 ,difficulties and disappointments vanished and fear vexed her no more4 ,she was like those who have won all battles1 put all troubles behind them4 ,she had the knowledge that within herself was power over all temporal dragons2 that her welfare depended on no man's whim2 that there are no accidents2 that ,he who slumbers not nor sleeps1 is 8guiding each of ,his creatures in the current of an eternal purpose02 that she was as indestructible as the universe1 and as old1 as young and as deathless as its builder4 ,she thought no more of happiness1 because blessedness had come into her life1--the blessedness which 8consists in progress toward perfection40 ,in an undefined way she felt herself approaching high summits1 understanding that there is neither high nor low1 near nor far in the universe save in thought4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,the ,,book ,,and ,,its ,,critics4 ,the tale is as old as the ,eden ,tree--and new as the new-cut tooth-- ,for each man knows ere his lip-thatch grows he is master of ,art and ,truth2 ,and each man hears as the twilight nears1 to the beat of his dying heart1 ,the ,devil drum on the darkened pane3 8,you did it1 but was it ,art80 --,rudyard ,kipling4 ,one day ,mrs4 ,doring received a letter from a lawyer announcing ,kendall's death1 and advising her that by his will she was sole heir to his property1 which was valued at about twenty-five thousand dollars--a fortune in ,bohemia4 ,a few lines from the testator were enclosed1 the last his hand penned4 ,he had but one request to make in regard to the disposition of it1 and that was that she use part of it in bringing out her book4 8,see10 she said to ,lilla ,joy1 who had long lived with her in the little flat1 8how my trust is rewarded4 ,influences unseen were working for me while ,i rested4 ,had ,i been a little wiser1 ,i might have saved myself much torment all my life4 ,worry hinders instead of helps1 ,i believe it is one of the forty deadly sins the ,egyptians tried to avoid40 ,with money to work with it was not difficult to find a publisher for the book4 ,it was a true tale1 told in a simple1 straightforward manner1 of life and its meaning1 as its author understood them4 ,the theme of it was that life goes on after the change we call death1 and is inconceivably enlarged and ennobled for all who aspire4 ,such of the critics as worship plots and believe that the chief aim of life in stories and out is to marry and be given in marriage1 made it the subject of very rough surgery4 8,it is a most unwholesome book10 said one4 8,love and marriage are scarcely mentioned in it4 ,some twaddle that pretends to come from across the river of death is the only bait it has with which to angle for the reader's interest1 a theme in which healthy minds will find no attraction40 ,death waits for every one that breathes1 yet any light thereon is 8unwholesome and not attractive to healthy minds10 according to those who tell us what we ought to read4 ,strange doctrine1 but prevalent6 ,another said3 8,one more of those deplorable books that deal in the supernatural and aim to make readers take a morbid interest in death4 ,its author has no eyes for the thousand fresh themes of life1 but must needs delve into the darksome hereafter for material with which to burden her absurd pages4 ,why should any one turn from the sweet theme of love to wander in paths so remote from taste and wholesome imagery as this80 ,some sneered at it1 some ignored it and many abused it4 ,few had so much as a tolerant word for it4 ,yet verily a mystery guideth the fate of a book as well as the growing of a daisy1 for 8,the ,last ,enemy0 sold astonishingly fast1 and was read and talked about far and wide4 ,in a few months it was the best known book of the year1 in spite of the critics1 and brought fame and money to its author1 though too late1 her friends said4 ,is anything too late8 ,come not all things at their appointed time1 neither sooner nor later than they are due8 ,in the divine drama of the universe the curtain never falls until the play is finished4 ,in our short-sightedness we say our friend died too soon1 or his good fortune came too late2 but we are in error4 ,everything is part of the eternal plan1 and to be out of time or place an impossibility4 ,never to ,cartice ,doring had life appeared so well worth living1 nor work so well worth doing4 ,to ,lilla ,joy she said3 8,i am just beginning to live4 ,i am learning what life means1 what we can make of it1 and what ,i am4 ,we are love4 8,we love because we cannot help it4 ,it is our expression1 and the greater1 wider and more all-inclusive our love1 the fuller1 larger1 more perfect and more abundant is our life4 ,how beautiful it all is6 ,how orderly and harmonious6 ,how glorious6 8,most of my life ,i have written down to the majority of readers4 ,now ,i shall bring them up to me4 ,i shall follow my ideals1 as ,i did in #8,the ,last ,enemy4' ,our ideals6 ,what are they but our souls1 trying to reveal themselves to other souls4 ,here in this noble poem by ,katherine ,lee ,bates1 the ideal speaks3 8,at the innermost core of thy being1 ,i am a burning fire ,from thine own altar-flame kindled1 in the hour when souls aspire3 ,for know that men's prayers shall be answered1 and guard thy spirit's desire4 8,that which thou wouldst be1 thou must be2 that which thou shalt be thou art2 ,as the oak1 astir in the acorn1 the dull earth rendeth apart1 ,lo1 thou1 the seed of thy longing1 that breaketh1 and waketh1 the heart4 99 99 99 99 99 8,call me thy foe in thy passion2 claim me in peace for thy friend3 ,yet bethink thee by lowland or upland1 wherever thou willest to wend1 ,i am thine ,angel of ,judgment1 mine eyes thou must meet in the end40 8,i know that well1 ,lilla4 ,woe be to those who have outraged their ideal on that day1 when their souls shall meet it face to face4 ,i have sinned against mine1 and have met its accusing eyes already4 ,but now ,i have begun my atonement1 and am eager to go on with it4 ,there is joy in creating what we wish to create--that means giving form to our ideals40 ,but ,lilla was silent1 wondering what ideals her friend would follow in that country into which flesh and blood can never enter4 ,in her eyes ,lilla saw the strange light that flames up only when the end of the journey is near2 and on her face1 and in all that she said and did was a hint of imminent change1 plain to others1 unseen by herself4 ,in the ,sanscrit is a story of one who asked what is the most wonderful thing in the world4 ,the answer is that every man should believe that all shall die but himself4 ,the reason of this is that he shall not die1 and his soul knows it4 ,remember this1 you who see your beloved going down into what we call ,death's ,valley1 serene1 hopeful1 unconscious of their doom4 ,they are wiser than you4 ,they know they shall not die4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,who ,,are ,,they8 8,who are they that are compelled to recommence the same existence80 8,they who fail in the fulfilment of their mission1 or in the endurance of the trial appointed to them40 --,allan ,kardec4 ,if the red slayer think he slays1 ,or if the slain think he is slain2 ,they little know the subtle ways ,i keep and pass and turn again4 --,ralph ,waldo ,emerson4 ,personally ,i must confess to one small weakness4 ,i cannot help thinking that the souls toward whom we feel drawn in this life are the very souls whom we knew and loved in a former life1 and that the souls who repel us here1 we do not know why1 are the souls that earned our disapproval1 the souls from whom we kept aloof in a former life4--,f4 ,max ,mller4 ,months on swift wing slipped away4 ,cartice's pen was busy every day1 and every day she delighted more and more in her work1 because she was saying what she wished to say1 was expressing herself fearlessly and freely4 ,new plans of action fairly rioted in her brain4 ,plans6 ,when had they ever worked for her8 ,there are persons who mark out everything ahead1 and ,fate lets them live their arrangements to the letter1 but ,cartice was not one of them4 ,the lamp of the spirit1 which tells unutterable things1 now burned in her eyes1 with an unearthly brightness1 throwing its touching radiance over all her words and deeds2 but she did not understand4 ,she alone saw not the heavenly illumination4 ,but one day the imminent change was made plain to her1 though how she never told4 ,coming to ,lilla1 with whitened face1 and the old-time1 all-compelling appeal in her eyes1 which neither man nor woman could see without a bursting heart1 she said3 8,i must soon leave you4 ,it has been shown me and ,i understand40 ,under the spell of the wordless pain in the glorious eyes1 her heroic friend flung her arms about her1 crying1 8,cartice6 ,cartice6 ,my dear one6 ,i cannot bear it6 ,i cannot bear it60 ,and together they wept tears of such anguish as only the strong ever weep4 ,for a few days the heart-breaking look continued in ,cartice's eyes2 but in the silence of the night help came from the great source1 and she got up one morning with peace shining in her face4 8,often in the past10 she said to ,lilla1 8,i have wished ,i could die and be out of trouble4 ,but now ,i want to live3 now ,i know that dying doesn't put us out of trouble4 ,we must grow out of it by evolving above it1 learning to master it4 8,most of my life1 as ,i look back upon it1 seems to have been mere blind groping4 ,now1 when ,i think ,i have learned how to live1 the business of life is done4 ,and ,i have learned how to work in a way that never would meet failure2 but that1 too1 is done4 8,and yet1 in spite of the mystery and the grimness of it1 something tells me all is well2 that nothing can be lost2 that what ,i have learned will be useful somewhere4 ,perhaps we are here for the purpose of learning how to live and work4 ,when that is accomplished1 we must go on and learn other things1 and we can take no other road than the one we have named ,death1 and painted black4 ,but you and ,i know that it leads into light1 and1 though we die1 we shall continue to live1 and shall evolve1 unfold and expand1 even #8it doth not yet appear what we shall be4' 8,yet knowing this--for we have knowledge1 not simply belief--there are moments when a childish terror seizes me4 ,but why should ,i fear8 ,millions have traveled the same road1 the timid and faint-hearted as well as the bold and brave1 and all went forth alone4 ,we say alone1 because we see no visible companions go with them2 yet we know that no one is ever alone1 either here or on that inscrutable journey1 or at its end4 8,but notwithstanding all ,i have learned of the life to follow this1 ,i cannot picture it--cannot form any clear idea of it4 ,nor can ,i realize that life as ,i know it now must end4 ,i try to think of the days to come when ,i shall not be here1 nor be anywhere as ,i am now1 and when the form through which ,i act will have vanished utterly from the face of the earth1 but ,i cannot6 ,i cannot6 8,i am always ,i in consciousness1 always existing1 never dead1 never different4 ,is it not the mystery of mysteries8 8,i try to imagine a time when ,i may come here to our little home and be unseen by you1 unable to lift a book1 flutter a curtain or speak one word that you can hear2 but ,i cannot4 ,how inconceivable it is that in a short time ,i shall be in a condition so different from this that imagination itself cannot paint it60 ,cartice awoke from sleep one day with a loud cry1 a wail of terror that went to the heart4 8,what is it1 dear80 asked ,lilla1 bending over her4 ,her eyes wandered wildly around the room1 and at last1 reassured by a sight of familiar objects1 lost their look of affright4 8,it must have been a dream10 she said1 8but so very real4 ,i was lying under the elm tree at home1 as ,i so often did when a child2 yet ,i was as ,i am now4 ,close about me came a little company of people shining like the sun4 ,when they were very near1 ,i knew them to be people from my planet--my own people1 whom ,i remember well1 and whom ,i saw in a dream years ago4 ,one1 a woman1 the most beautiful of all1 had a face so familiar ,i almost spoke her name2 but ,i could not quite grasp it1 though she seemed very near and dear to me4 8#8,your work is done1' she said2 and there was sadness in her voice1 and pity in her eyes4 8#8,well done8' ,i questioned1 though with a sinking of the heart1 for ,i began to be afraid1 ,i knew not why4 8#8,did you always do your best8' she asked4 8#8,no2' ,i answered1 conscience-smitten4 8#8,then'-- 8,i interrupted1 for ,i could not bear to hear what ,i feared she would say4 8#8,who art thou1 who look so pitiful and seem so dear1 and whom ,i yet fear8' ,i asked4 8#8,i am thine ,ideal--thine ,angel of ,judgment--who hath so often come to thee and from whom thou hast almost as often turned away4' 8#8,but ,i serve you now1' ,i cried4 #8,i do my best4 ,i have learned my lesson4' 8#8,yes1 you have learned the lesson1 and will do better next time1' she said1 compassionately4 8#8,next time8' ,i echoed1 trembling with fear4 8#8,yes2 next time1 for you must come again and do it over and do it right1' she said1 sternly4 8,then ,i shrieked and awoke4 ,o ,lilla1 now ,i see1 ,i know1 ,i understand4 ,i must live my life again and live it better--must do my best all the way through4 ,i don't want to--no2 ,i don't want to2 but ,i must1 and so must all who fail to give their best--not as penalty1 but because it is the only way to learn1 and to grow4 8,we have lived always2 we shall live always4 ,this is the foundation rock upon which we build the indestructible temple1 character4 ,victor ,hugo spoke of life as a fairy tale a thousand times written1 and said there was not an age in which he could not find his spirit4 ,he believed he would exist forever1 inasmuch as he felt in his soul thousands of songs1 and dramas that never had found expression3 ,he was sure he should come again and give them life4 ,i1 too1 feel within me numberless tales untold which must be born somewhere4 ,a great soul1 like ,hugo1 may voluntarily come again and again to help others2 but a recreant dreamer like me ,,must come4 8,years ago ,i had a dream that now ,i understand4 ,it is my belief1 as you know1 that every mortal has a soul-guardian--a being higher than a spirit1 a dweller in the land of souls1 beyond the middle kingdom1 far away from the earth and its ties4 ,this guardian gives us all the experiences we have1 because he sees their uses in our development4 ,the bitter cups we would fain have pass from us he resolutely holds to our lips1 because he knows it is good for us to drink of them4 ,blessings disguised as calamities and sorrows come from his hand1 and all the fires of anguish that scorch us are fanned by his breath4 8,i dreamed of this guardian angel4 ,he was going with me through life1 or rather through a series of scenes or situations representing different lives4 ,i could talk to him1 and hear him1 but could not see him4 ,of the many pictures that were shown to me ,i remembered only two when morning came4 8,in the one which represented a life before this ,i was resting on a rude couch1 outdoors1 near a blazing fire1 in the midst of a nauseating swamp4 ,it was after night1 and the light from the fire played fantastically on dank little pools1 rank tufts of grass1 curious plants1 watery mosses and slimy roots4 8,looking off into the swamp ,i saw a great mottled snake curled up in a hollow1 looking directly at me1 malignity darting from his eyes4 ,i pointed him out to the people who were about me1 and told them ,i would kill him4 ,but one and all urged me to let him alone1 and predicted serious trouble1 if ,i disturbed him4 8,i answered that it was trouble to have him there1 throwing hate upon me with his eyes1 and that1 at least1 ,i would give him a hint that his presence was not desirable4 ,so ,i got up and threw a stone at him4 ,it struck him straight on his back1 but rebounded as though it had met a wall1 without so much as bruising him1 save in spirit4 ,it enraged him fearfully4 ,he raised himself in the air perpendicularly till he stood on his tail1 and hatred flashed from his eyes in bright electric rays4 8,he did not stop at this1 but hurled invective after invective at me in plain ,english1 and threatened me as a snake never threatened before4 ,he hissed1 raved1 cursed and glared at me1 and swore that he would take it out of me in slices scattered along a thousand years4 ,in short1 he made me understand clearly enough that his principal business forever after would be to make me wretched4 ,so direful were his threats that ,i lay down on my small bed quaking with terror1 fearing either to sleep or stay awake1 and #8none had power to protect me from mine enemy4' 8,to make it worse1 the people about me said1 #8,i told you so1' and sermonized on the matter4 ,they said1 #8,you can't destroy hate with hate4 ,that increases it4 ,that mottled fellow in the swamp is not the enemy you have to dread4 ,the cruelty you put out1 when you threw a stone at him1 is your real enemy4 ,it will come back to you through him1 because it is the law4 ,he will trouble you far down the line4 ,your heart shall bleed again and again1 because of blows from hands you never injured2 but it will be but your own deed returning to you1 and something of your mottled foe shall mark you1 for many and many a day4'0 7,lilla looked at the mottled eyes of her friend with a new interest1 wondering if the curious splashes of tawn had been flung there by her ancient enemy47 8,now ,i understand why ,i have been treated cruelly often by the very persons ,i loved and believed in4 ,somewhere ,i have earned it4 ,somewhere ,i gave it forth1 and it has come back a hundredfold1 for good and bad both multiply themselves on their return trips4 ,even ,farnsworth's cruelty to me1 which hurt me so much1 was no doubt in accord with the law of causality ,i had set in motion4 ,but he1 too1 shall reap as he has sown4 8,the other picture represented this life1 ,i think4 ,i was climbing a hillside1 accompanied by a little party of friends and attended by the guardian of my soul1 who beguiled the way by pleasant speech and cheery good-will4 ,at last we reached the top and found there an old-fashioned inn1 clean and comfortable1 with bare white floors1 big rooms1 and broad wooden sofas1 that looked inviting to our tired bodies4 ,before ,i entered1 ,i looked to the west1 and saw a scene of beauty never to be forgotten4 ,sunlight1 soft as moonlight1 fell on fields of swaying grain1 on trees gay with blossoms and heavy with fruit at the same time1 on flowers whose perfume sweetened all the air1 on birds whose bright plumage dazzled the eye4 ,i gazed spellbound4 ,the very sky above was new and strangely beautiful4 ,looking down1 ,i saw what before ,i had not noticed1 that the hill was cut off close by my feet1 and between me and this lovely landscape yawned a bottomless ravine4 ,stretching forth his hand and pointing to it1 my guardian said1 #8,behold the promised land6 ,but you shall not enter in--not yet6 ,no2 you shall not enter in until you come with the great seal in your hand4' ,with one longing1 hungry glance at the paradise ,i was not yet ready to know1 ,i turned and went into the inn1 longing for rest4 8,i have almost reached the inn4 ,i have seen the promised land but have not yet the great seal4 ,after a rest in the inn--who knows1--perhaps ,i can bridge the ravine40 ,those last days--those precious last days1 how beautiful they were6 ,northern forests put on a glory of gold and red after the frost has touched them with its destroying hand1 and the winter is near4 ,dying suns diffuse a strange brightness1 and the spirit of man1 when passing out of sight1 often radiates a heavenly splendor4 ,so it was that the soul of ,cartice ,doring never gave forth so much of sweetness as in the last days of her stay here4 8,it is much to have learned one's lesson10 she said4 8,next time ,i can begin in a higher class4 ,so you see1 after all1 this life wasn't wasted4 ,yes1 ,i have learned a little1 and shall not find the road so rough next time4 8,would ,i could give others what ,i have learned4 8,i smile at my early idea of happiness1 though it wasn't unique at all1 but quite common--the ideal of all the undeveloped4 8,now ,i know that happiness is a spiritual condition--spiritual healthfulness--spiritual unfolding the heaven within one which comes when self is forgotten and we see our oneness with all that is4 ,it is our unfolding1 our growth or evolution into knowledge1 truth and light4 8,it comes when we learn how to love1--when we see ourselves in every other self1 and the supreme self in everybody and everything4 8,what matter whether we call the great ocean in which we move and live and have our being1 ,god1 soul1 energy1 force or thought1 we are its offspring or manifestation1 and can never for one instant be separated from it4 ,we are because it is4 ,and see how this divine principle ever strives for our highest health and happiness4 ,if ,i but cut my finger1 it miraculously heals the wound4 ,out of its boundless resources it forms a new cuticle to cover the abrasion4 ,if my spirit becomes sore the same power brings to me from every side1 the sympathy and love1 the spiritual sunshine and air which heal that too4 8,the hunt for happiness is a true instinct of the soul1 a prophecy of its divine destiny4 ,we were intended for happiness1 but a happiness far beyond our usual ideals4 8,a great seer has said that #8love is life1 and love in us is the life of ,god in the soul of man4' 8,my soul has always been homesick for its native land and its own people--which are but other names for love and sympathy--infinite love1 changeless sympathy4 ,others1 too1 are familiar with this kind of hunger4 ,all feel it and give expression to it in the chase of one phantom after another1 and to each phantom they give the name of ,happiness4 8,does it not prove that all souls are irresistibly drawn toward the great source of love from which they sprang1 but know not the way thither8 ,the bosom of infinite love is the happiness they long for1 but in their ignorance of their true being and destiny1 they pursue every will o' the wisp that dances before their eyes4 8,it is the soul's quest for its home1 which is not place1 but state4 ,we need not wait for death to let us in1 for it is no more beyond the grave than here4 ,the pure in heart have reached it4 8,we can experience resurrection before death1 if we will4 ,when our spiritual nature is awakened1 and we are set free from thraldom to material gods1 we have been raised from the dead4 ,we can take hold on eternal life now1 for it1 too1 is a state of the soul4 ,it is to know and live and be the good4 8,the long1 long sleep of ignorance must end4 ,the soul shall awaken to a knowledge of itself and be consciously one with ,eternal ,being from which it was projected1 and be free1 full-grown and happy4 8,how shall this union be brought about8 ,by our growth1 our unfolding4 ,we are our own redeemers4 ,the individual is the reflection or manifestation of ,god4 ,the higher man grows intellectually and spiritually1 the more of ,god does he reflect4 ,when he becomes pure in heart1 high in mind1 noble and unselfish in all his instincts and desires1 he is in union with ,god1 working ,his ,will4 8,a modern philosopher expresses it thus3 #8,an individual is a subject which unfolds itself as an object4' 8#8,man1 the progressively unfolding thinker1 has descended from the eternally perfect creative ,thinker4' 8#8,eternity for every man is but the unceasingly clear consciousness of his own identity in nature with the primal ,thinker1 of whose thought the whole universe is but the outer1 organic form6' 8#8,an individual is an indivisible1 immortal1 self-completing1 ideal totality4' 8,now ,i think ,i know why at any cost we should give expression to our ideals4 ,they are streams from the central fountain of thought4 ,to ignore them is to put ourselves out of harmony with the truth and essence of the universe4 ,to give them expression is to vibrate in harmony with the great heart of all that is4 ,what is a genius but one who is in touch with the central source of truth and transmits it to others8 8,now we begin to understand what the love of ,god is--a great ocean in which we perpetually swim1 the #8infinite and eternal energy from which all things proceed1' an energy that science admits but cannot explain4 8,it is written1 #8,ye shall know the truth1 and the truth shall make ye free6' ,we shall know6 ,,we ,,shall ,,know4 8,already you and ,i1 ,lilla1 know a part of the truth4 ,we know that death is not the extinction of memory1 conscience1 love and all their attendant emotions4 ,these are manifestations of the soul and cannot be destroyed4 ,the body1 a clay image projected by the soul to make itself visible1 shall pass1 but #8the soul lives on1 and all space1 all time1 all beatitude are its heritage and its domain4' 8,the great secret of what1 whence and whither shall yet be known4 ,the dream of man's perfection shall come true4 ,you and ,i have read a few pages in the sealed book4 ,for us the last enemy has been destroyed1 the dark river bridged4 ,we know there is no separation2 that the dead are neither dead nor gone4 ,this is the great secret of the universe4 8,i think ,i understand what it means to see ,god4 ,the more we see of ,him1 or ,it--the great principle of intelligence and love--in the atom1 the insect1 the human being or the angel1 the nobler and sweeter will be our lives4 ,all possible forms and modes of existence are expressions of himself4 ,as ,whitman says1 #8,a mouse is miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidels4' 8,my lifelong dream of finding my own people shall be realized4 8,my people1 my own people--they who aspired1 struggled and suffered--who came to their own1 and whom their own so often refused to receive4 ,they who first announced the truth in all ages1 and were stoned and crucified4 ,they who brought their divine gifts of poesy and prophecy1 of art and science1 of light in its thousand forms and laid them on the world's ungrateful altar4 ,my dear people1 ,i see you in the far dim aisles of the past1 and ,i see you toiling up the shining heights of the future1 and know you for my own1 my spiritual kindred1 with whom ,i dwelt in pleasant and also difficult places #8huge times ago1' and with whom ,i shall yet mount and mount great steeps now unseen4 8,are not all1 all our own people1 each a manifestation of the great soul or self that is imaged in all other selves8 ,but they who know how to love are more truly our own4 ,they are farther on their upward journey4 #8,for as many as are led by the spirit of love1 these are the sons of ,god4' 8,all philosophies1 all religions1 all literature that fail to lead us back to love1 our central source--love1 the essence and substance of life1 the energy of the world1 the potential1 moving force of all that is or ever shall be1 are vain and foolish4 8,only to love one another4 ,this is the whole law4 ,this is what we are always longing and hunting for1 though we give it many names and see it through many veils and in many shapes4 ,but it is love1 only love1 the greatest and simplest thing in the world4 8,once ,i read a story of an ,oriental magician who performed miraculous cures4 ,when one whom he had healed asked his name that he might mention it in his prayers1 he answered3 #8,i have many names1 but they all mean the same--,love4' 8,love is all there is4 ,everything else is only an appearance or phantom4 ,my search for my own people was but the search for love1 yet how many mirages ,i saw1 into how many pits ,i stumbled before ,i came in sight of its temple6 8,but the love that opens the kingdom of ,heaven1 like the love of ,god1 is #8broader than the measure of man's mind4' ,it is the love of ,god--for it is the love of all that is4 ,we know not love until we see ourselves one with the whole1 without division and without difference1 until we see every man as our brother and every woman as our sister and every child as our own1 or better1 as ourselves4 8,since ,i know that the law of sowing and reaping is inevitable in its operation1 ,i begin to believe ,i have not found love in satisfying measure1 because ,i have not given it out4 ,my conception of it was the usual narrow one1 and that fills one with self and selfishness4 ,love knows no self4 8,am ,i about to leave this world8 ,no2 because the world is part of the great ,everywhere1 which is the soul's home4 ,yet it is a solemn time with me4 ,but ,i shall float out on trust4 ,i know that all is well1 and never can be anything else4 8,the ,hereafter1 so much wondered about4--,what is it8 ,just a continuation of being--an eternal now1 an endless is1 an everlasting present moment4 8,shall our dead be as they were here1 when we find them again8 ,this is the cry of the bereft4 ,they forget that nothing is the same from day to day4 ,the child becomes a man4 ,as a child the mother loses it whether it live or die4 ,change1 incessant change1 is the law of external nature4 ,but the soul of the man is the soul of the child awakened and enlightened4 ,shall it be less1 when it puts off its eternal form and becomes clothed in finer matter8 8#8,give us our dead1 as they were1 when they left us1' wail the mourners at the tomb4 ,does any one here go away for a year or years and come back the same8 ,never4 8,is the future beyond death a mystery8 ,yes2 but not more so than the future here4 ,does any man know what the next hour will bring upon him8 ,every moment ahead of us is as completely wrapped in mystery as is all that lies on the other side of the grave4 ,in both cases we can only do our best1 trusting in the love that created us1 and that shapes our course4 8,but the loneliness of life6 ,who can fathom it or explain it8 and what can mitigate it8 ,mediocrity feels it not1 for its sympathizers swarm4 ,but in the hearts of the highest it is densest and deepest4 ,as the soul grows upward1 it feels itself isolated1 and the isolation has in it a poignant anguish4 8,hours come upon us1 when we feel that we touch no other soul4 ,even the companions we take to our hearts never enter the most solemn recesses of our nature4 ,there the soul sits alone--always alone4 ,and this invisible place1 this awful solitude is the soul's real world1 its most fateful portion of existence4 ,yet into this secret place1 this hidden and lonely life1 we take the ideas and feelings we cherish in relation to our fellow-beings1 so that though we seem to live alone in the depths of ourselves1 yet we are never severed from our kind1 never really solitary4 ,the oneness of humanity asserts itself and its claims upon us1 and in spite of the soul's solitude we understand that no man liveth to himself4 8,but the ache that nothing cures is always with us4 ,we turn to the arms of human affection1 it is there4 ,we sit down to the feast of the intellect2 it is there1 likewise4 ,we wander in search of new scenes2 but1 in the face of all that can delight the eye1 it cries out from within for the satisfaction it never finds4 8,satisfied6 ,satisfied6 ,shall the yearning soul ever be satisfied8 ,in the hope that it would1 mankind constructed its far-off heaven1 and said to the weary and the disappointed3 #8,there ye shall be satisfied4' 8,but it is not true4 ,never1 never shall we be satisfied4 ,though we explore all the mysteries of all worlds and taste all the joys and pleasures therein1 we shall not be satisfied4 #8,we but level that lift to pass and continue beyond4' 8,when ,i walk in graveyards and see the childish twaddle about #8,rest1' #8,heavenly ,mansions1' and #8,new ,jerusalems1' there carved upon the stones1 ,i am pained at the mental infancy they denote4 ,dying does not mean rest1 nor does it open heavenly mansions or golden cities to us4 ,the striving and the climbing go on and never end4 8,it is the ache in the heart1 the void in the soul that cries out to be filled which lift us upward4 ,were we content1 we should rise no higher4 ,were we satisfied1 we should be in a condition which would insure our destruction4 ,but the soul's hunger for finer and better food is the principle of eternal life which makes us indestructible and eternally expansive4 ,by means of it we grow4 ,thank ,god that neither here nor elsewhere can we attain content6 8,and as we go higher we can reveal to lower souls their sorrows1 and show them how to overcome them--how to grow4 ,this is the greatest service one soul can render another4 8,but we must not be content with mouthing theories--we must live our love1 must give from the heart and look only to the heart1 for #8out of the heart are the issues of life4' #8,the sign of the mastery of the divine life in us is the readiness to serve4' 8,and we must not dream of rest4 ,there is none anywhere1 neither here nor on all the endless road that stretches before us4 ,life is action1 ceaseless action4 8,nor is there any heavenly shore where we can wander free from perplexities and obstacles4 ,always1 always will there be something to overcome4 ,we are building1 building1 ever building1 we know not clearly what4 ,every unfolding of the divine life within us opens the way to still more unfolding4 ,the heaven1 the happiness1 the joy we dream of and search for1 is in the unfolding1 not in any fixed state at which we shall arrive1 for we pause nowhere4 8#8,this is not ,death's world3 it is ,life's4 ,death has no empire anywhere4' ,in time to come its very signs shall pass away4 ,there shall be no more graves1 nor marks to graves to say that the dust of any lie there4 ,all dust is the same and all places the same2 and life everlasting is the eternal heritage of all souls40 ,a few days later ,cartice said she saw the ,butterfly near her1 and that she now had most beautiful wings4 ,others thought her mind wandered1 but ,lilla understood4 ,clasping the hand of her friend1 she smiled and slept2 but her waking was on the other side of death1 with her own people4 ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,last ,,words4 ,come1 lovely and soothing death1 ,undulate round the world1 serenely arriving1 arriving1 ,in the day1 in the night1 to all1 to each1 ,sooner or later1 delicate death4 ,prais'd be the fathomless universe1 ,for life and joy1 and for objects and knowledge curious1 ,and for love1 sweet love--but praise6 praise6 praise6 ,for the sure enwinding arms of cool-enfolding death4 --,walt ,whitman4 ,gabriel ,norris uttered the few reverent words that consigned the dust of ,cartice ,doring to the purifying flames4 ,this was his conclusion3 8#8,no man liveth to himself1 and no man dieth to himself4' ,we all understand that better1 when in the presence of the voiceless dead1 than at any other time4 ,then it is that we feel our oneness most2 then do we come into more solemn touch with the great heart of all2 then1 even when our hearts are breaking1 we better understand the infinite love that manifests in every event of our lives1 even the last mysterious one which takes us out of the sight of our fellow-men4 8,then it is that the problem of life confronts us with importunate appeal1 and demands from our bleeding hearts an answer4 8,she whose still white form lies here1 lived1 aspired1 suffered1 joyed a little perhaps1 and learned a part of the great lesson whose book has no end1 worked side by side with us1 and then passed out of our sight1 leaving only this perishable temple to return to its elements4 8,has she but passed through a door to array herself in new garments on the other side1 in a larger chamber1 or has the unit of her individuality melted back into the ,universal ocean1 as a drop of water falls again into the sea from which it has been dipped8 8,does the heart that has groaned in anguish and throbbed with love find the end of everything in dreamless oblivion8 ,or does it still throb on somewhere out of our sight1 but not out of the care of the divine love that thought it into being8 8,for her this great question was answered long before the illusion we call death transferred her to a larger chamber4 ,she knew that she should never die2 that1 as a unit1 an individual1 a soul1 she was indestructible1 the heir of all the ages through all the ages4 8,communion of spirit8 ,do you sneer at it as an unsatisfactory1 even if a possible thing8 ,what else have we here8 ,we are spirit now as much as we shall ever be1 and all our communion with each other is spiritual1 for every act of our lives has a spiritual quality1 and is but the expression of spirit4 8,the things we see are but fractions of that which we see not4 ,we never saw the soul to whose visible form we bid farewell for a time to-day4 ,we saw but its mask1 its clay image4 ,that which made its impress upon us was the spirit4 ,by means of what it said and did1 by the flash of kindness in the eye1 by the pressure of the hand in sympathy1 by all the means great and small by which it expressed its good will and love to others1 it revealed itself4 ,these are what we shall remember and cherish4 8,life is not all #8a striving and a striving and an ending in nothing4' ,it is an endless becoming4 8,let us work by every means in our power to educate the individual1 to develop the unit1 the imperishable1 never-dying unit1 for this is the secret of all improvement1 all growth1 all happiness4 ,only by growth out of ignorance into knowledge can we come into our inheritance of eternal good4 8,nothing is great in this world and nothing is small4 ,i cannot say of the soul whose transition we celebrate to-day that it was either1 for there is no distinction4 ,it aspired1 and that means much4 ,it strove to go up higher2 and that striving will lift it into the fulness of light4 8,that living1 loving1 truthful1 beautiful spirit1 has not gone back to the sea of universal ,being to lose its identity4 ,there is no going back4 ,in that sea we live and move and have our being now1 as well as in the future1 yet we remain individuals4 ,the union with the one mind toward which we are all moving is an harmonious ever-upward-tending life1 not an extinction of the individual4 ,the school1 the club1 the state are its prototypes here1--a blending of the many units in one body1 but the extinction of none4 8,we sorrow1 but not without hope4 ,our friend still lives4 ,we shall find her again40 8,i loved her10 said ,gabriel ,norris1 as he sat with ,lilla in the little flat after all was over4 8,to be near her ,i came to ,new ,york4 ,she never knew2 but now she knows4 ,my love did not crave possession4 ,i was happy in loving4 ,i am still happy in it4 ,she lives and ,i love her4 ,it is enough40 ,,the ,,end4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,errors in punctuation and spacing have been fixed4 ,page #ach3 8as much as as any0 changed to 8as much as any0 ,page #agc3 8defeat and humilation0 changed to 8defeat and humiliation0 ,page #aid3 8would is queer0 changed to 8world is queer0 ,page #cjb3 8by the wall0 changed to 8by the well0 ,page #cjf3 8have a monoply of it4 ,what idocy60 changed to 8have a monopoly of it4 ,what idiocy60 ,page #caa3 8,the animal knows0 changed to 8,the animal known0