,,h ,,y ,,an ,,educat$ ,,he>t8      ,by 
,,gelett ,,burgess      ,au?or ( 8,are  
,y a ,bromide80  8,! ,maxims (          
,me?uselah10  8,! ,romance ( !          
,commonplace10 c4    ,,boni ,,&         
,,liv]ight  ,publi%]s 33 ,new ,york     
,city                                   
----------------------------------------
------------------------------          
,copyright1 #aibc1  ,by ! ,cr[ell       
,publi%+ ,co4  ----------  ,copyright1  
#aibc1  ,by ,gelett ,burgess            
----------------------------------------
------------------------------     ,"h !
 he>t  ,may give a useful lesson to !   
head1  ,& ,le>n+ wis] gr[ )\t 8 books4  
,c[p]3 ,! ,task4                        
----------------------------------------
------------------------------          
,,! ,,educat$ ,,he>t      ,,n[1 ,sadie1 
,i knew1 0 temp]am5tal4 ,sadie 0        
s5sitive4 ,b surely  !re wasn't q en\gh 
9 t dull musical com$y1 t aft]noon1  to 
make anyone weep4 ,b1 z ,i _h notic$    
,sadie dabb+ at h] eyes  ) h] h&k]*ief1 

(f & on ?r\gh ! fir/ act1 :5 !  curta9  
w5t d[n1 ,i dem&$ ! reason4    ,some:at 
reluctantly ,sadie h&$ me a lett]4 8,did
 y ev] see  any?+ z he>tless z t80 %e   
ask$4 8,x's ab\t a package ,i s5t  to   
,eldora1 la/ week40    ,i read x4 ,!n1  
unc]ta9ly3 8,:y1 ,i don't "k10 ,i       
repli$2 8seems  all "r en\gh to me4     
#8,ev] s mu* oblig$ = ! bir?day         
package4'  ,:at's ! matt] ) t80    8,:y1
 %e might j z well h said1 #8,y\rs ( !  
#af? at h& &  cont5ts not$'60 ,& z      
,sadie snat*$ back ! lett] %e 0 already 
empty+ ! vials ( h] res5tm5t4    ,a :ile
 ago1 x appe>$1 :5 %e 0 visit+ ,sadie 9 
,new ,york1  ,eldora _h rav$ ov] "s     
fawn-color$ gloves %e _h se51 ) ^?      
awfully wide black /it*+s d[n ! back4   
,?\gh fairly weak aft] a  bad attack ( !
 flu1 poor ,sadie _h tramp$ ?r\gh %op   
aft] %op1  f #cd? ,/reet to #ef? ,/reet 
la/ week1 to f9d ^? p>ticul>  gloves2   
actually fight+ = !m1 at ! la/1 ) a mob 
( wild  wom5 at a b>ga9 sale4 ,well1    
,sadie _h gone & b\ght a fancy box4     

,sadie _h wrapp$ t package ) neatness & 
) fonde/ c>e4  ,sadie _h walk$ tw5ty-"o 
blocks 7s %e said7 to a ,po/ ,(fice4    
,sadie _h /ood !re 9 l9e = half an h\r1 
m or less1 to h x  weigh$ & insur$4     
8,& ,i j lov$ x all--,i lov$ do+ x =    
,eldora10 wail$ ,sadie4  8,& n[ all %e  
says is t %e is #8ev] s mu* oblig$'60   
8,oh1 well10 said ,i l(tily1 8we        
oughtn't to give ?+s j = !  ?anks1 y    
"k40    8,nev] m9d ! ?anks60 snapp$     
,sadie1 8b did %e l ^?  gloves8 ,good   
graci\s1 y want to "k :e!r y've pleas$ a
 p]son  or n1 don't y8 ,7 !y ! "r %ade8 
,did !y mat* h] g[n8  ,7 !y ! size8 ,did
 !y fit h]8 ,has %e worn !m8 ,:y1 %e    
might  h said some?+ ab\t !m60          
8,well1 at any rate10 ,i (f]$ 9         
appeasem5t1 8%e answ]$ y  promptly4 ,t's
 some?+4 ,:y1 loads ( p don't ev5       
ackn[l$ge gifts at all1 n[adays40       
8,yes1 & t's j ! po9t10 decl>$ ,sadie4  
8,i've no d\bt %e  ?9ks %e's really q   
polite & k9d4 ,oh1 %e #8means well1' ,i 
suppose--!y all d4 ,b ! tr\ble ) ,eldora

 is simply t %e  hasn't got ! ,educat$  
,he>t40    8,! ,educat$ ,he>t80 ,i      
qu]i$1 amus$1 8:at d'y mean1 ! ,educat$ 
,he>t80          ,,! lady 0 gr[+ a      
little calm] n[4 8,:y1 ,i've call$ x t  
to  myself s long t x seems z if anyone 
ought to und]/&4 ,well1  x's ?is way4 ,y
 "k y c usually tell an educat$ man1 c't
 y8  ,!re's some?+ ab\t him t's--oh1 ,i 
don't "k--extra4 ,f9i%1 x  is1 p]haps4  
,di/9ction1 or some?+4 ,he kn[s h[ to--0
    8,b ! ,educat$ ,he>t60 ,i insi/$1   
8pri!e1 ! ,educat$ ,he>t60    8,:y1 x's 
j ! same ) he>ts z x is ) heads10 quo?  
my  ,m5tor4 8,"s he>ts seem to be       
self-made1 y                            
"k--r\gh-dry--unv>ni%$--amateuri%4 ,& !n
 "s he>ts are j  z if !y'd be5 to       
college1 & be5 graduat$ 9 ,k9dness4     
,!y've  got _! ,b4,k41 or ,d4,k41 ev51  
sometimes4 ,yes1 ,i "k at lea/ "o       
,doctor ( ,k9dness4 ,:y1 ,i mean1 oh1 !y
 h t extra t\* (                        
consid]ation--?\ghtfulness1 y           
"k--imag9ation--&--oh1 de>1 :y  d we l  

to h fl[]s on ! d9n] table8 ,!y're n    
necess>y1  ( c\rse2 b doesn't t extra   
t\* always make ! s\p ta/e  p]fectly    
wond]ful8 ,x's all ! diff]5ce betwe5 j  
eat+ &  d9+4 ,ev] see a woman )\t /yle  
jam on a beautiful hat & make  x look l 
a wa/e-basket8 ,well1 "s p are l t1 :5  
!y  try to be k9d4 ,/yle--t's :at x is6 
,x's j /yle 9 k9dness  t mo/ p lack4    
,oh1 x's ! r>e/ ?+ 9 ! _w--!  ,educat$  
,he>t60          ,,! ,educat$ ,he>t6    
,late t night1 alone1 ,i pond]$ x 4 4 4 
midnight1 & /ill x haunt$ me 4 4 4 !    
,educat$ ,he>t4 4 4 4  ,sup]k9dness1 %e 
might h call$ x4 ,%e might h call$ x    
,tact4  ,va9ly1 ,i tri$ to co9 a new ^w 
= x4 ,b at ! end1 ,sadie's  simple t]m  
/ay$ ) me--! ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,& s1 us+ t
 te/1  ,i f\nd myself at l5g? classify+ 
my fri5ds4    ,& fir/ ( all came        
,cry/abel4 ,la/ ,octob]1 y see1 ,i s5t  
,cry/abel  a book4 ,%e ackn[l$g$ x1 &   
promptly4 ,b1 two mon?s aft]w>d1  hadn't
 %e--yes1 %e actually _h--writt5 me     
ano!r lett]1 tell+ me  :at %e ?\ght ( t 

book2 & %e prov$1 moreov]1 t %e _h  read
 x--actually read x6 ,n[1 read]1 ,i ask 
y3 ,isn't t a /range  & beautiful       
exp]i5ce 9 ?is c>eless _w8 ,yes1        
,cry/abel _h  ! ,educat$ ,he>t4         
,inde$1 receiv+1 simply receiv+1 is "o (
 ! greate/ te/s ( !  ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,to
 su* z possess x1 ?anks are some?+ l    
mortgages1 to be paid 9 in/allm5ts4 ,:y1
 aft] five ye>s1 ,cry/abel  (t5 ref]s to
 a gift t has pleas$ h]4 ,yes1 & lies   
ab\t x1  too1 sometimes6 ,m9d y1 ,i     
didn't say t ,cry/abel 0 always really  
s9c]e4 ,i said t %e 0 really k9d4 ,%e   
may dislike t gift  exce$+ly2 %e may    
/ick x up 9 ! g>ret1 or give x to h]    
laundress4 ,b ,cry/abel1 hav+ ! ,educat$
 ,he>t1 appreciates  k9dness 9 o!rs4 ,x 
is ! motive = t gift %e c>es =1 n  its  
value2 & h5ce h] tactful1 it]at$        
gratefulness4 ,b !  o!rs--oh1 ! ?\s&    
neglig5t o!rs6          ,,y give y\r    
fri5d a bottle ( p]fume4 ,%e ?anks y1 & 
pop x  goes imm$iately into a bureau    
draw]1 & %e beg9s to talk ab\t  ,h>ry's 

wife4 ,y give h] a lovely veil1 &1 "r   
be=e y\r  incr$ul\s eyes1 %e wads x into
 a bun*1 jams x into h] bag &  takes    
ano!r *ocolate4 ,t bun* ( jonquils y    
br\ght !  invalid--hav5't y se5 x c>ri$ 
(f into "s f> corn]1 z if x  7 deadly   
m&ragora1 or hu/l$ into a miscellane\s  
mass (  :olesale (f]+s & ! subject      
hurri$ly *ang$8    ,la/ mon? ,i visit$  
my "y c\s9 ,frizia4 8,:y1 :at a pretty  
jet  necklace60 !y all cri$1 at d9n]4 ,9
 pleas$1 self-consci\s  expectancy ,i   
wait$ = ,frizia to say1 8,oh yes1 my    
c\s9 br\ght x to  me40 ,did %e8 ,no4 ,n 
a ^w except1 8,oh1 d'y l x80 ,i %\ld  h 
be5 grateful1 ,i suppose1 t my little   
c\s9 ev5 wore t  necklace4    ,hav5't y1
 too1 (t5 moan$3    ,i %ot a pres5t into
 ! air2  ,x fell to e>?1 ,i "k n :]e6   
,,:y1 !re are innum]able ways ( insult+ 
! giv] ( a pres5t4  ,li/51 = in/ance1 to
 ?is ackn[l$gm5t1 f ,z]o9e3 8,all my    
life10 %e wrote1 8,i h giv5 away p9k    
azaleas to my fri5ds2 &  ?is is ! fir/  
"t ,i ev] receiv$ "o40 ,h['s t = egoism8

  ,comp>$ to h] noble1 extravagant &    
adv]tis$ g5]osity didn't my  "o gift    
loom pretty small8    ,r clev] %e is1 t 
,z]o9e1 a positive g5ius1 sometimes--y  
"k !m--at mak+ "o wi% "o hadn't tri$ to 
be nice to h]4 ,z  ! bride ( "o ( my    
confr]es ,i met h] fir/ 9 ,p>is4 ,to    
celebrate  h] m>riage ,i rack$ my bra9s 
= some?+ *>m+ en\gh ) :i*  to greet a   
new fri5d4 ,some?+ n co/ly1 y "k1 yet   
p]fect &  unique4 ,well1 ! lovelie/ ?+s 
( t sort ,i _h f\nd1 7 !  m>vel\s ribbon
 roses made by ! ,comtesse de ,laumont =
 ! b5efit  ( ! wid[s ( (fic]s4 ,e "o is 
a "w ( art--a beautiful &  fai?ful      
portrait ( "s p>ticul> rose f h] own    
g>d5 on !  ,m>ne4    ,to h] h\se on !   
,av5ue ,malak(f ,i w5t 7h] only son1 la/
 ( 8  l9e1 _h j be5 kill$ at ! front1 b 
h] "w mu/ g on71 &  ?ree exquisite      
,william ,all5 ,ri*>dsons ,i pick$ out f
 all !  re/4 ,late t night1 too impati5t
 to wait1 ?r\gh ! n>r[1  %utt]$1        
unlight$ ,p>is /reets ,i walk$--no      
taxicabs 9 ^? w>  days--ov] ! riv] to   

deliv] my initiatory tribute at ,z]o9e's
  hotel4 ,& ) x ,i left a lett] tell+ h]
 ! roses' pa!tic  /ory4    ,?is is :at  
,z]o9e repli$3    8,yes1 ,i "k ! ,de    
,laumont roses4 ,!y're lovely4 ,i saw ! 
wife  ( ! ,ambassador we>+ "o la/ week1 
& got ! address4 ,i h  be5 int5d+ to buy
 "s ( !m2 b y h k9dly sav$ me !         
tr\ble40          ,,b = ! mo/           
extraord9>y misund]/&+ ( all t gifts    
%\ld  mean1 ,i ?9k ,i mu/1 aft] all1    
aw>d ! prize to ,mrs4 ,hilk+4 ,!        
,*ri/mas tree t day at ,mrs4 ,hilk+'s 0 
heavily hung )  pres5ts--pil$ deep on ! 
floor !y 74 ,mrs4 ,hilk+ 0 happy--oh1   
%e 0 awfully happy6 ,didn't %e h good   
reason to be happy8 8,:y10  gurgl$ ,mrs4
 ,hilk+1 s pr\dly1 8baby has receiv$ s  
_m1 _m  ,*ri/mas pres5ts t ,i didn't h  
to give him a s+le "o myself60  ,selah6 
,,d y beg9 to see1 n[1 :at ,sadie meant 
by /yle 9 k9dness8 ,/yle  is :at a sm>t 
hat has1 isn't x8 ,x's :at an exp5sive  
motor c>  has--or a beautiful danc]4    
,x's ! p]fect te*nique ( any arti/--a   

successful cl]gyman1 or a good noveli/1 
or a clev] burgl> su* z  ,mr4 ,raffles4 
,9 %ort1 /yle is a comb9ation ( good    
ta/e &  imag9ation4 ,!n :at is /yle 9   
giv+8 ,to give :at y'd l  y\rself may be
 k9dness4 ,b ! ,educat$ ,he>t isn't q   
satisfi$  ev5 ) ! ,gold5 ,rule4 ,x      
am5ds1 or1 r1 translates x ?us3         
8,:atsoev] ye w\ld t m5 %\ld d to y1 7  
ye su* z !y1  d ye ev5 s to !m40    ,b  
p]haps y don't "k :at y\r fri5d wants4  
,ah1 b ! ,educat$  ,he>t makes x its    
bus9ess to "k1 to rememb]1 or to f9d    
out4 8,a  man's he>t10 y "k1 8devise? 8 
way40    ,"o fri5d ,i h to :om ,i c't   
express a ta/e or desire t isn't        
treasur$ up aga9/ ne$4 ,if ,i happ5 to  
m5tion lik+ a ,japanese  writ+ set1 x is
 only a "q ( "t :5 t set is m9e4    ,i  
said to ! ,pr&ials once t ,i lov$       
wat]cress1 & lightly wi%$  t ,i might h 
x = e meal4 ,nev] a meal h ,i ev] _h at 
!  ,pr&ials' table1 s9ce !n1 )\t f9d+   
wat]cress b\ght  specially = me4        
,d',,y ?9k x's easy1 ?is bus9ess ( giv+8

 ,v]ily1 v]ily1 ,i say  unto y1 giv+ is 
z mu* ( an art z portrait-pa9t+1 or !   
mak+ ( glass fl[]s4 ,!re really ought to
 be a f\r ye>s' c\rse  9 ! art ( mak+   
pres5ts 9 e college = ^? :o are n  born 
intellig5tly g5]\s4    ,9 "o's fre%man  
ye> "o w\ld be taught1 p]haps1 n to     
pres5t an  #he inlaid umbrella ) a gold 
dog's-head h&le ) rh9e/one eyes  to a   
g5tleman ( culture l ,mr4 ,ri*>d        
,mansfield1 = in/ance1 z  0 once done "o
 ,*ri/mas by an ard5t b unillum9$ fri5d4
 ,if a  lady has sav$ y\r son's life1 ! 
,educat$ ,he>t doesn't rew>d h] by  (f]+
 h] *a/ely appo9t$ ap>tm5t a two-ton    
c>v$ ebony *air  uphol/]$ 9 r$ plu%4    
,oh1 no1 x's n easy4 ,p n[adays hav5't !
 artless gratitude  ( t easily-satisfi$ 
girl :o us$ to s+3    8,he promis$ to   
br+ me a bun* ( blue ribbons  ,to tie up
 my bonny br[n hair60    ,! p ,i "k     
usually pref] to select _! own          
ribbons--& gloves  & b\doir caps &      
neckties--r ?an h !m *os51 h[ev]        
exp5sively1 by--well1 by ^? :o d        

sometimes h ! audacity to  *oose !m = y4
    ,n[ ta/e1 y w say1 _c be disput$4   
,ea* "o has 8 own4  ,p]haps x c't ev5 be
 educat$4 ,we'll see1 lat]4    ,b       
imag9ation surely c be br\ght to be>4   
,suppose we sugge/ a few  ways1 9       
illu/ration4          ,,are y sail+ =   
,italy8 ,ah1 x isn't ! basket ( f9e fat 
fruits  t br+s ! te>s to y\r eyes1 nor !
 fl[]s ) trail+ y>ds  & y>ds ( r$       
ribbon--all t's m]e k9dness1 ord9>y     
ev]yday  k9dness4 ,ev5 ! ,v&]bilts c d  
t4 ,b x's ! ?+s--oh1  x's ! ?+s ,mr4    
,rockefell] nev] w\ld ?9k (--x's t      
little  purse full ( ,italian curr5cy1  
bills & small *ange all ready =  y :5 y 
fir/ trip a%ore at ,g5oa4 ,x's ! little 
ne/ ( spools  ( color$ silk ,m9nie made 
= y to cat* up ! fir/ ?reat5$  run 9 y\r
 /ock+4 ,i may1 oh1 yes1 ,i may =get !  
?ree hundr$  doll>s y l5t me t "t ,i 0  
broke2 b ! little corkscrew y  s        
?\ghtfully add$ :5 y gave me t bottle ( 
y\r pet malt  extract--t ,i %all nev]1  
nev] =get6    ,no1 he didn't h mu* /yle1

 ,i admit1 to 8 d5t$1 du/y d]by1 poor   
old ,we/rose1 b1 ,god bless him1 8 he>t 
0 c]ta9ly up to date4 ,he  may h got a  
lady's coat upside d[n occasionally :5  
he help$ h]  on ) x--b he und]/ood !    
,f\r? ,dim5sion ( ,k9dness1 all  "r4    
,nev] a fri5d ( 8 wife's did he ev]     
puff+ly put abo>d a  /reet c>1 b he'd   
tuck1 apologetically1 into h] h& !      
nickel to  save h] rummag+ 9 h] bag4    
,real elegance1 ! ge/ure ( inh]5t       
nobility1 ,i call t4 ,x's l  ! fl\ri% to
 ! signature ( ,*>les ,dick5s4 ,x's     
k9dness ) a  kick to x4 ,9 %ort1 x's !  
mann] & cu/om ( ! ,educat$ ,he>t1  t    
makes y turn ov] at night & decide to   
add a codicil to  y\r w--:y %\ld bro!r  
,fr$ h x all8    ,well kn[s ! ,educat$  
,he>t t ! doctor's cli5ts usually pay   
sl[ly1 & itself !re=e pays )\t delay4   
,:i* lov] has !  ,educat$ ,he>t--he :o  
ord]s ! flori/ to s5d1 e day1 five      
doll>s' wor? ( fl[]s1 or he :o himself  
selects & pres5ts a  s+le rose8 ,ask !  
swee!>t--%e kn[s t    8',tis n s mu* !  

gallant :o woos1  ,z ! gallant's way (  
woo+60    99   99   99   99   99        
8,i'm s sorry ,i c\ldn't s5d y any?+ ?is
 ,*ri/mas10 said  ,millic5t1 8b ,i've   
be5 awfully h>d up60    ,too h>d up1 9  
fact1 to af=d two c5ts to /amp a lett]1 
s5d+ h]  love6    99   99   99   99   99
          ,,& n[1 ,i besee* y1 consid] !
 usual ,*ri/mas pres5t4 ,no "o b  a boor
 w\ld pres5t a diamond wrapp$ 9 a scrap 
( newspap]1 w\ld  he8 ,no2 & s ! mo/    
trivial ( gifts1 :5 s5t by a civiliz$   
donor  on ,*ri/mas1 is1 by univ]sal     
practice1 c>efully wrapp$ 9 a pretty    
pap]1 r$ or gold1 is ti$ ) a fancy      
ribbon & decorat$1 mayhap1  ) a sprig ( 
holly4    ,n[1 t's :at ,i mean by !     
,educat$ ,he>t4 ,t package is           
symbolical ( :at all fri5dly acts %\ld  
be--k9dness p]=m$ )  /yle4    ,is x     
suffici5t1 !n1 simply to (f] y\r seat 9 
a /reet c> to a  woman8 ,! m]ely k9d    
p]son does t4 ,b he does x r  %eepi%ly4 
,isn't y\r graci\sness m cultur$ if y   
give x up )  a b[1 ) a smile (          

will+ness8 ,besides ! qu>t] y give !    
begg>1 c't y give a few c5ts' wor? (    
y\rself1 too8    ,s ev]y?+ c be done    
beautifully by ! ,educat$ ,he>t1 f !    
lac+ ( a %oe s t x won't come loose1 to 
pass+ ! salt be=e  x is ask$ =4 ,ev5 if 
y say only 8,good morn+10 x c be done   
pleas+ly4 ,obs]ve h[ ! poli%$ actor says
 x1 ) t *e]ful  ris+ ,engli% inflection4
 ,b ! ord9>y ,am]ican gr[ls x out )  su*
 surly d[nw>d emphasis t 9 ,london he is
 apt to be ask$1  8,:at's ! matt]1 old  
*ap--heada*e80    ,:y1 m]ely to speak   
di/9ctly is a great k9dness1 ,i consid]4
 ,y  nev] h to ask1 8,:at did y say80 to
 ! ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,an old  maid ,i knew
 once confess$ t ! only proposal %e ev] 
receiv$ 0  f a timid1 l[-voic$ suitor1  
^: "q %e fail$ to he>4    8,lucky       
escape10 we all agre$4 8,y might h m>ri$
 him & be5  torm5t$ all y\r life by 8   
mumbl+60          ,,( c\rse y've he>d t 
8he gives twice :o gives quickly10 b h[ 
ab\t ! giv] :o gives b half 8 gift8 ,x  
isn't !  procra/9ator1 ,i mean4 ,!      

half-giv] is "o :o 8we>ies 9  well-do+10
 /ops "p way on ! road to k9dness1 ) !  
goal  pla9ly 9 sight4 ,if y want to h ! 
,educat$ ,he>t y mu/ dot  all ! i's &   
cross ! t's4 ,o!rwise y\r gift is apt to
 be z !  grapefruit )\t ! sug>4         
,,half giv+6 ,in/ances ( su* gold-plat$ 
p>simoni\s g5]osity ,i  c\ld cite all   
day--f ! old-fa%ion$ 8?rifty0 h\sewife1 
:o us$  to cut all ! buttons (f ! clo!s 
be=e %e gave !m to ! poor1  to sweet1   
sympa!tic ,oval1 :o visit$ an invalid4  
8,oh1 ,i'm s sorry10 %e said1 8,i b\ght 
! lovelie/ bun* ( roses =  y1 b ,i =got 
!m--left !m 9 ! hotel40 ,& ,oval1 aft] t
  7al?\gh ! fl[]s ( c\rse nev] came71   
fully expect$ to be  cr$it$ ) a k9dness4
    ,oh1 y "k !m4 ,y mu/ "k !m6 ,!      
half-giv] :o invites 8  p>ty to supp]   
aft] ! !atre1 b fails to res]ve a table4
 ,h[  surpris$ & apologetic he is to f9d
 all ! places tak56 ,! g5t  :o escorts 8
 lady to ! !at]1 too1 &1 :5 !y come out1
  exclaims3 8,gee1 doesn't ?is fre% air 
seem good1 aft] t /uffy  h\se6 ,let's   

walk a way60 ,h[ bright 8 smile6 ,truly 
! he>t1 z well  z ! clo!s1 c be         
%abby-g5teel4 ,t k9d ( lib]ality he has 
t _m wom5 possess4 ,oh1 yes1 !y insi/ ^u
 pay+ = _! half  ( ! d9n]1 b !y always  
=get to %>e ! tips6    ,y rememb] ^?    
,lib]ty ,loan subscrib]s :o us$ to say1 
8,i'll  subscribe "o ?\s& if y'll take  
ano!r60 ,t's ! way ^!  half-giv]s       
usually leave y to complete _! gifts or 
g & get !m  or some?+--to pay "s "p ( ! 
price y\rself1 anyway1 9 tr\ble  or 9   
"w4    ,de> ,alfr$9e 0 k9d en\gh to br+ 
h] fri5d f abroad sev]al  pairs ( e>r+s4
 ,b1 alas6 z !y 7 made = ^? gr&mo!ry    
old pi]c$ e>s h] fri5d _h to pay a      
jewel] to h !m fitt$  ) screw fa/5+s1 j 
n9e doll>s1 a sum %e c\ld ill af=d--at  
lea/ = e>r+s4    99   99   99   99   99 
8,i'd r n try1 please10 said ,alice4    
8,i'm q cont5t to /ay  "h--only ,i am s 
hot & ?ir/y60    8,i "k :at y'd l10 !   
,que5 said good-natur$ly1 tak+ a  little
 box out ( h] pocket4 8,h a biscuit80   
99   99   99   99   99          ,,k9d y 

may ?9k y are1 & nev] "k y are n k9d4 ,&
 worse  ?an all ! re/ are ^? :o =ce _!  
pres5ts on y4    ,my indulg5t uncle1    
once1 pres5t$ me ) !atre tickets to see 
,b]nh>dt4 ,n[ x s happ5$ t day t at !   
la/ mom5t ,i _h !  opportunity to meet a
 man1 a fam\s man1 :om ,i _h long want$ 
to "k1  & :o prov$ to be ( ! greate/    
help to me4    ,:5 ,i told my uncle1 0  
he pleas$ to he> ( my good luck8 ,n at  
all4 ,nev] did he =give me = n us+ 8    
tickets4    ,h[ _m m5 :o h tak5 ! pa9s  
to secure a fri5d a good position  are  
pleas$ to he> t he himself has discov]$ 
a bett] "o8 ,only  ^? ) ! ,educat$      
,he>t4 ,l my uncle1 mo/ c>e m =  t      
self-flatt]+ gl[ ( k9dl9ess ?an =       
ano!r's be/  happ9ess4    ,:o ev] really
 =gave y = be+ ill & miss+ a d9n]       
engagem5t8 ,y _h no "r to be ill4 ,y    
gave y\r k9d ho/ess a  great deal (     
tr\ble & disappo9tm5t ) t ptoma9e       
poison+ (  y\rs6    8,be happy my way60 
says ! p>5t 8,m>ry ?is nice1 ri* man ,i 
h  *os5 = y--n ! poor fell[ y love60 ,b 

no1 putt+ a cu%ion  beh9d a man 9 an    
arm*air isn't k9dness unless he happ5s  
to want x  !re4 ,x may make him         
uncom=table4    ,& de> old c\ntry       
gr&mo!r--:o us$ to urge on u1 nay1 =ce  
on  u t ?ird g5]\s help+ ( pudd+4       
,gr&ma's he>t 0 big  en\gh--b x wasn't q
 ! "r %ape4          ,,:at',s ! r>e/ ?+ 
9 all ! _w8 ,intellig5t sympa?y4 ,:y8   
,well1 ea* "o ( u is work+ out 8 own    
evolution1 ,i suppose1 &  our own       
int]e/s mu/ be p>am\nt & absorb u1 or we
 lose 9 !  race4    ,/ill1 x is r pleas+
 to recall1 9 pessimi/ic moods--^u      
receiv+ a lett] writt5 9 lead p5cil1 =  
in/ance1 or "o undat$1  or ) no address1
 or1 mo/ irritat+ ( all1 ) an illegible 
signature--x is ev5 enc\rag+ to recall t
 x isn't always ^!  inconsid]ate1       
unimag9ative1 egoi/ic p1 aft] all1 :o   
succe$  mo/ brilliantly 9 ! _w4         
,sometimes a good1 pla9 writ]1 desir\s  
( mak+ x easy = 8 read]1 gets to ! top1 
too1 ,god bless him6  ,& my fai? 9      
k9dness z a policy is re/or$1 too1 by ! 

gl>+  fact t ( all my acqua9tances ! "o 
lea/ to be suspect$ (  an inf]iority    
complex is ! only "o :o beg9s a         
telephone  conv]sation by dec5tly       
introduc+ himself3    8,b4 ,gann+       
talk+60  in/ead ( p]emptorily dem&+ my  
"n1 l a c5sus man break+  9 ! door4     
,z _m ( our acquir$ habits1 l walk+1 =  
in/ance1 h be5  pass$ f ! doma9 ( !     
consci\s to ! subconsci\s & become      
automatic1 s1 p]haps1 ) ! behavior ( !  
,educat$ ,he>t4 ,y set  x 9 ! direction 
( true k9dness & c\rtesy & x w function 
)\t delib]ate ?\ght4    ,&1 alas1 vice  
v]sa6 ,x /e]s z well t[>ds selfi%ness4  
,,& n[1 "r !re1 be=e ,i f9d m fault1 d1 
please1 get my po9t  ( view4 ,am ,i     
fa/idi\s8 ,:y1 all ,i ask is an         
unadult]at$ drop (  y\r emotion4 ,am ,i 
qu]ul\s8 ,:y %\ld ,i be8 ,no "o is      
important  en\gh to hurt me4 ,surely ! v
 inadequacy ( _! feel+s proves  ^!      
skim-milk sa9ts to be unwor?y ! "t &    
en]gy x takes to  res5t or prote/4 ,am  
,i ungrateful8 ,n if y h done ! lea/    

fri5dly act & done x :olly4 ,d ,i dem&  
too mu* pay = my favors8  ,if ,i long = 
a little ( ! old-"t c\rtesy to color    
life1 mu/ y  accuse me ( pref]r+ ! glib1
 lace-sleev$1 p[d]$-hair flatt]y1  ( !  
,fr5* salons8    ,n at all4 ,^! mod]n1  
d[nright1 %irt-sleev$ ways ( ours1      
op5-air1 golf-play+ ways1 man-&-woman1  
give-&-take  ways--mak+ up ! jocose &   
slangy w>f>e we call fri5d%ip1          
n[adays--!y're well en\gh1 s long z !   
?\ght b5ea? is hone/4  ,b m]e words1    
words1 words--ar5't y1 too1 sick ( !m8  
,don't y  want de$s or no?+8    ,actions
 speak l\d]4 4 4 4          ,,= ! fact  
is t su* ?\ghtfulness1 su* consid]ation 
z ,i desire  is n m]ely decorative4 ,x  
is ! v ess5ce & evid5ce (  s9c]ity4 ,)\t
 x all s-call$ k9dness is m]ely titul> &
  p]functory4 ,tact is :at makes k9dness
 real1 makes x effective2 j  z ! p]fume 
proves :i* is ! g5u9e1 & :i* is !       
artificial  violet4    ,suppose ,i      
propose y\r "n = memb]%ip 9 my club4 ,h 
,i done  y 7or my club7 any real s]vice1

 unless ,i also d my be/ to see t  y are
 elect$8 ,s !n1 if ,i g to e memb] ( !  
committee1 if ,i  urge all my fri5ds to 
endorse y1 is t a quixotic feel+ =      
punctilio8    ,i ?9k n4 ,x is m]ely !   
completion ( my reg>d = y4 ,x is  l     
salt--8x's :at makes potatoes ta/e bad1 
if y don't put x on40  ,x is a gu>antee 
( my true feel+4 ,x is ! hug )\t :i* !  
kiss means no?+4          ,,nei!r d ,i  
insi/ on ob$i5ce to cu/om4 ,y may       
violate any ( !  folk-ways1 = all ,i    
c>e4 ,if y refuse to take (f y\r hat to 
ladies1  ,i %all ?9k only t y d n feel  
y\rself b\nd by ! elaborate  rules (    
romantic love concoct$ by ! lazy        
tr\bad\rs & s5tim5tal  *atela9es ( !    
,middle ,ages4 ,(f] y\r left h& to me1  
if y l1  ,i c>e n4 ,we c>ry no dagg]s   
n[4 ,i "k t mo/ ( u w\ld pref]  to d9e )
 a polite murd]] ?an ) an hone/ t9smi?  
:o eats  ) 8 knife4 ,b1 by t same tok51 
,i "k t all su* artificial  di/9ctions  
are n bas$ ^u k9dness4 ,!y are m]ely !  
unwritt5  laws ( society4    ,b if y1   

h[ev] brilliantly1 make fun ( y\r wife1 
if y humiliate  an inf]ior1 insult a    
debtor1 if y promise & keep n y\r ^w1   
if y fail to flavor y\r k9dness )       
s9c]ity1 if y give only !  c\nt]feit    
money ( polit5ess--!n ,i p]ceive t y h n
 !  ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,inde$1 ! ,educat$  
,he>t is r>e en\gh any:]e2 b  x is f\nd 
q z (t5 among ^? :o "k n y\r artificial 
social code1 z x is ) ^? ( ! six-=k     
d9n]4          ,,aha6 ,n[ y ?9k y h me 9
 ! old conv5tional corn] by !  altrui/ic
 :at-n1 & ! goody-goody sea%ells1 eh8   
,copybook /uff4  ,mass morality4        
,h]d-m9d$ optimism t f9ds good 9 ev]y?+ 
&  :y f9d fault--8x's n con/ructive4''  
,b1 no--,i'm n try+ to  prove 8',tis    
only noble to be good10 b only t to be  
good1 or ev5  pleas+1 is a sev]e        
ae/hetic problem4 ,well1 ,i "k t        
8,he>ts j z pure & fair  ,may beat 9    
,belgrave ,squ>e  ,z 9 ! l[ly air  ,(   
,sev5 ,dials10    b1 at ! same "t1 "o ( 
! highe/ ord]s ( ! ,educat$ ,he>t1  ,i  
mu/ tell y1 is f\nd 9 ! crim9al classes4

    ,y /agg]8 ,yes1 ,i repeat3 9 ! crook
 himself4    ,doesn't ! confid5ce man1 =
 in/ance1 d ev]y?+ 9 ! p[] (  8 tra9$   
imag9ation 79 8 fir/ approa*es1 at      
lea/71 to make 8  victim happy8 ,doesn't
 he /udy 8 come-on's e :im & ta/e8 ,is  
!re anyone m tactful & polite1 m        
consid]ate & anxi\s  to please ?an a    
%oplift]8 ,oh1 *>m+1 truly *>m+1        
?\ghtful  & he>t-wise mu/ he be :o      
m>ries elev5 wives2 ev5 ?\gh  aft]w>ds  
he murd]s !m = ! insurance money &      
buries !m all  9 ! cell>4 ,he kn[s h[ to
 anticipate 8 victim's lea/ desire4     
,well1 :y n be z %rewd z ! crook1 !n1   
y\rself1 to discov]  :at w please &     
satisfy ! fri5d y love8 ,get-ri*-quick  
,wall+=d _h a p]v]t$ he>t1 'tis true1 b 
x _h tak5 its  degree 9 ! ,art (        
,pleas+4    ,n mu* l y\r millionaires :o
 ask _! poor relatives1 8,y don't  m9d  
sitt+ 9 front ) ! *auffeur1 d y80 or    
give _! c\ntry  c\s9s horrible little   
black hats ) a /ick-up 9 ! back6        
,,mu/ y dance ) all ! wallfl[]s1 !n1 &  

always be nice to old  ladies8 ,well1   
no--,i won't g s f> z t1 al?\gh t1 too1 
w\ld  c]ta9ly %[ an ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,x  
w\ld prove t y _h  imag9ation en\gh     
anyway to put y\rself 9 ano!r's place4  
,no1 all ,i ask is t1 :5 y try to d a   
favor--to be k9d--y d x  to ! full l5g? 
( ! rope4 ,don't s5d y\r telegram       
8collect10 or  9 j t5 c>efully select$  
words4 ,economize else:]e1 b add ^?  few
 extra phrases t make ! read] gr9 &     
p]ceive t y c>$  m = him ?an y did = !  
exp5se4    ,no "o ) ! ,educat$ ,he>t ev]
 approa*$ a cl]gyman1 or a  celebrity1  
or a long-abs5t visitor ) ! %ock+       
greet+3 8,oh1  ,mr4 ,spoop1 y don't     
rememb] me1 d y80 ,no1 he gives 8 "n    
fir/4  ,no "o ) ! ,educat$ ,he>t ev]    
said1 8,n[ d come & see me1  sometime60 
,well he kn[s t t m]ely means3 8,don't  
come at all40  ,! ,educat$ ,he>t's way (
 putt+ x is apt to be1 8,h[ ab\t next   
,w$nesday80    ,& /rongly ,i d\bt ev5 if
 ! ,educat$ ,he>t is ev] t>dy at t      
appo9tm5t4 ,x kn[s t ev5 if only two    

m9utes late a p]son has  br\ght j t mu* 
less ( himself4 ,oh1 he came1 yes--& we 
put  ov] ! deal1 aft] all4 ,b =ev] y w  
rememb] t he made  y wait4          ,,y 
und]/&1 don't y1 t ,i'm n try+ to       
discuss unk9dness1 or  ev5 impolit5ess8 
,nor m]ely legitimate half-k9dness d ,i 
mean4 ,x  w\ld be absurd to ass]t t "o  
%\ldn't say1 8,"h1 y may h  ?is hat--,i 
don't l x40 ,b w\ldn't x be /ill m      
absurd to call  t sort ( ?+ k9dness8    
,no1 :at ,i impugn are ?\ghtless        
attempts to be k9d4 ,slip%od            
s5tim5tality masqu]ad+ z k9dness4       
,ne>-sight$  b5evol5ce--g5]osity run d[n
 at ! heels1 l ! husb& :o  conceives    
himself to be lib]al because he gives 8 
wife money--?\gh  %e always has to ask  
him = x4          ,,:y1 ev5 9           
conv]sation !re is pl5ty ( *ance = !    
,educat$  ,he>t4 ,( c\rse1 unless y are 
a moron1 y mu/ h f\nd out by  ?is "t t v
 few p ev] really li/54 ,!y are usually 
m]ely wait+ = a *ance to say some?+     
!mselves4 ,x may be laid  d[n z an      

axiom1 !n1 t no habitual talk] c h !    
,educat$  ,he>t4 ,ev5 ?\gh ^! wordy pe/s
 g ?r\gh all ! motions (  li/5+1 say    
8,oh10 & 8,ah10 & 8,really1 is t s80 &  
8,h[  awful60 ! mom5t y close y\r lips  
!y p\nce ^u y ) _!  own n>rative4    ,or
 if1 p]adv5ture1 !y d li/51 is ! /ory ( 
y\r trials or  disappo9tm5ts he>d ) real
 sympa?y8 ,n (t54 ,y\r illness8 ,y\r    
divorce8 ,y\r losses8 ,y are m]ely      
provid+ !m ) a m or  less amus+         
ent]ta9m5t4    ,:y1 "o ( ! be/ ways to  
make y\rself popul>--an infallible way--
  is to tell a /ory ^u y\rself4 ,give   
y\rself ! wor/ ( x1 &  !y'll all ro>4   
,b did anyone ev] laugh ) joy :5 y in=m$
 him t y _h  made t5 ?\s& doll>s1 or won
 a beauty prize8 ,h[ fa9t1 oh1 h[  pale 
are _! congratulations6 ,! lips move1 b 
does ! face really  gl[8 ,tell !m y fell
 d[n two flights ( /airs1 ?\gh1 & y'll  
see a f9e ab&on ( mir?4 ,!y'll slap y on
 ! back1 by ,jove1 &  invite y to d9n]1 
s t y c repeat x to ! wife4          ,,y
 ?9k ,i'm fool+8 ,n at all4 ,a          

psy*ological fact x is1 t1 9  n9e cases 
out ( t51 if y tell ( an accid5t ( :i*  
y're !  victim1 y\r he>] w in/antly     
laugh4 ,j try x y\rself1 & see4    ,oh1 
( c\rse1 if y pa9t a vivid en\gh        
picture1 if y say 8,i _h  ?ree ribs & a 
%\ld] blade brok5 & f\r o!rs 7 kill$10  
!n possibly y may awak5 _! sympa?y4 ,b !
 ord9>y tale (  suff]+ has pretty h>d "w
 gett+ m ?an half an in* inside  p's    
e>s4 ,wom5 love to tell ( _! op]ations1 
,i he>1 b d  !y love to li/58 ,doesn't  
ev]yone smile :5 y say y hav5't  slept a
 w9k all night8 ,yes1 all1 save ! "o ) !
 ,educat$  ,he>t--& he's y\r swee!>t1   
probably4    ,que]1 b ! _w1 alas6 is v  
h>d ( he>+4 ,unless p see  ! blood      
actually /ream+1 e suff]] is consid]$   
m]ely z a  com$ian4 ,! banana-peel joke 
is /ill typical ( our reactions to      
ano!r's woes4          ,,& s1 x is my   
fe>ful op9ion t b seldom has ! ,educat$ 
,he>t  a ke5 s5se ( humor4 ,didn't an   
em95t mid-,victorian advise1 8,be good1 
sweet maid1 & let :o w be clev]60 ,ar5't

 y already ?9k+  ov] y\r own fri5ds8    
,am ,i n "r8 ,is x ! sp>kl+ bright      
apo/le ( pleasantry to :om  y g to borr[
 t t5 doll>s1 or to ! s]i\s1 k9dly dub  
:o  nev] sees ! po9t8 ,:i* d5ti/ is mo/ 
apt to drill t horrid  millimetre too f>
 into a %riek+ n]ve--he :o tells y      
div]t+  anecdotes1 ! :ile1 or ! solemn  
consci5ti\s drudge8    ,to :om d y tell 
y\r tr\bles-- ! agile wit1 or !         
bromide-m9d$1 solid1 respectable        
,phili/9e1 y\r uncle1 ) !  %oe/r+ tie8  
,no1 no2 oh1 no1 my fri5d1 y c't be too 
quick on  ! comic trigg]1 if y w\ld h ! 
,educat$ ,he>t6    ,!re is 8a "t to     
weep1 & a "t to laugh10 said ! ,prea*]2 
!  ,educat$ ,he>t kn[s well h[ to       
control 8 mir?4          ,,y call once  
or twice at ! hospital4 ,d y ev] call   
aga98 ,n  unless y h ! ,educat$ ,he>t4  
,yet ! pati5t is /ill p]haps  q z ill4  
,! pla9 tru? is1 if y mu/ "k x1 mo/ p   
really dislike illness4 ,x bores !m4 ,x 
int]f]es ) _!  happ9ess & conv5i5ce4 ,x 
?ru/s ^u !m1 too1 a disagreeable  burd5 

( sympa?y4    ,b1 "o !re 0--d'y rememb]8
 w y ev] =get8--:o us$ to  br+ t cute   
scrapbook1 e morn+1 pa/$ 9 ) funny      
newspap]  items ( ! day's news4 ,"o !re 
0 :o wrote y lett]s e day4  ,"o :o      
rescu$ ! clock t always _h some?+ 9     
front ( x1 s  y c\ldn't see ! "t1 :o 0  
c>eful nev] to hit ! b$1 :o  talk$ to y1
 yes1 to poor sick y1 in/ead ( to !     
di/+ui%$ call] :o happ5$ to be pres5t4  
,b /ill ,i insi/ ,i don't mean m]e      
k9dness4 ,o!rs 7 k9d to y4  ,!y b\ght y 
?+s4 ,b su* acts z ^! requir$ m ?\ght & 
inv5tion ?an ! o!rs sp5t1 :5 !y s5t !   
jelly & *ampagne4    ,& oh1 :at d ^!    
,un$ucat$ ,he>ts d at y\r fir/ brave    
smile  7?\gh ! ef=t kills y71 at y\r    
fir/ w\ld-be1 w-be *e]ful  lett]1 or at 
y\r fir/ timor\s /ep on crut*es8 ,!y    
beam4 ,oh1 h[  !y beam6 8,oh1 y're all  
"r n[1 ar5't y60    ,x may pa9 y = mon?s
 to brea!1 y may limp on t brok5 ankle  
to y\r grave--b x's mu* m conv5i5t = !m 
to h y well  aga94    ,& s1 isn't x     
lovely y're cur$6          ,,ask any    

invalid4 ,ask poor ,lura9e4 8,i'm afraid
 ,i'll h to we>  glasses10 wept poor    
,lura9e1 aft] t accid5t :5 h] eye 0     
injur$4 8,well1 my de>10 said h] w\ld-be
 com=t]1 8,i d hope y'll  get "s ( ^?   
sm>t tortoise%ell goggles--!y're s      
becom+60 ,&  t1 ladies & g5tlem51 is :at
 (t5 passes = sympa?y4    ,ask any      
p>tially deaf p]son :o is ! cruelle/ (  
h] w\ld-be  fri5ds4 ,isn't x t k9d &    
?\ghtless "o :o says1 s sweetly3  8,:y1 
,i ?9k y get along awfully well1 y "k4  
,really no "o w\ld  ev] "k y c't he>60  
,no "o b ! ,educat$ ,he>t ev] kn[s or   
c>es = ! te>ful nights ( wild revolt1 ! 
days & ye>s ( /oic  suff]+ t rema91 j ! 
same4 ,yes1 j ! same4          ,,b let's
 pass1 n[1 to ! la/ cage 9 our m5ag]ie4 
,"h's a  dang]\s galravag+ bea/--"o ( ^?
 t]rible creatures :o 8mean  well10 ev5 
:ile !y r5d y4 ,"o hi/oric rem>k ( ?is  
emotional  reptile !re is1 t 9 ! annals 
( m5tal torture1 surpasses 9            
he>tlessness all o!r expressions ( good 
int5t4 ,oh1 ,i h said  x--y h1 too1 ,i  

suppose4 ,may ,god =give u bo?1 = !re   
are  ^? :o nev]1 nev] w6    ,galna x 0  
:o has dramatiz$ x = me be/4 ,a dreadful
 suicide x  01 no horror lack+4 ,galna1 
alone 9 ! h\se--alone1 save = h]  maid &
 t %ock+ wreck ( "o %e _h lov$4 ,& 9 h] 
angui%1  h] despair1 h] bewild]m5t1 !   
telephone bell rang4 ,lo1 ,mrs4 ,spick1 
k9d1 effusive ,mrs4 ,spick1 _h rung h]  
up to coo conv5tional  condol5ce4    8,&
 n[1 if !re is any?+ ,i c d1 ,galna10 %e
 conclud$1 8be sure  & let me "k60      
,ah1 my fri5d1 sometime y1 too1 mu/ h   
suff]$--suff]$ &  kn[n n :]e to turn2 &1
 z sure z mo/ he>ts1 alas1 are          
ignorant1 sometime y1 too1 mu/ h he>d t 
frightful phrase--  t mock]y ( fri5d%ip4
 ,! v epitaph x is ^u ! grave (         
affection3 8,if !re is any?+ ,i c d1 be 
sure & let me "k60    ,b z ,galna1 daz$1
 lonely1 a*+1 /agg]$ back to h] room1   
behold1  ^u h] b$ %e saw an unfamili>   
?+4 ,te>-bl9d$1 %e grop$ =  x4 ,a       
hundr$-doll> bill6    8,:y1 :]e did ?is 
come f80 %e ask$1 wond]+4    8,oh1 ,miss

 ,felice left x !re10 said h] maid1 8%e 
?\ght p]haps  y might happ5 to be %ort (
 money40    8,felice80    8,yes1 %e's   
d[n/airs n[1 help+ wa% ! di%es & putt+ !
  p>lor to rights1 & s5d+ telegrams40   
,ah1 ,felice ne$$ no "o to 8let h] "k0  
:at to d4 ,%e _h  imag9ation4 ,%e _h !  
,educat$ ,he>t4    ,= ! ,educat$ ,he>t  
always kn[s4 8,he see? ) 8 he>t40 ,!    
language ( suff]+1 ord9>ily1 c no m be  
le>n$ )\t  exp]i5ce ?an c ! language (  
,m>s2 b ^u "s bless$ few1 9  ?is _w1    
?ank ,god1 has fall5 ! ,gift ( ,tongues4
          ,,truly1 z ,sadie said1 no?+  
is s r>e z ! ,educat$ ,he>t4 ,& if  y   
wond] :y1 j %[ a kodak gr\p picture--a  
banquet photograph--a  photograph ( a   
class4 ,:at does e "o ( u fir/ look at1 
talk  ab\t8 ,ourself4 ,& t's ! reason :y
 mo/ he>ts are s unle>n$  9 k9dness4    
,yet none ( u likes himself to be =gott5
 or neglect$4  ,almo/ any wife1 ,i v]ily
 believe1 w\ld pref] actual rud5ess to  
hav+ a husb& pass ov] h] w$d+ anniv]s>y 
unnotic$4 ,ev5 a  bl[ w\ld prove t %e 0 

( "s importance 9 8 life4    ,s x isn't 
always ! big1 climactic mis=tune t we   
suff] f  mo/4 ,we c rally1 aft] we're   
/unn$1 & g on1 someh[4 ,b x's  ! little 
/+s t we c't =get4 ,x's because ( !     
,un$ucat$ ,he>t t love-mad wom5 kill4   
8,:y don't y get a sm>t hat l ,c>rie's1 
de>8 ,%e's always s  well-dress$60      
,yes1 & because ( ! ,un$ucat$ ,he>ts (  
_! wives1 husb&s gr[  se$y1 silly & old4
    ,:y1 "o c tell1 almo/1 by ! looks ( 
a man--8 po/ure1 8 v  clo!s--:e!r or n 8
 wife truly loves him4 ,= _m a wife1    
dubb$ by 8 undisc]n+ fri5ds a %rew1 a   
h>ridan1 has prov$ h]  real int]e/ 9 him
 by s ballyragg+ him = 8 faults t he    
has1  despite himself1 improv$ to meet  
h] criticism1 become ambiti\s1  become  
p]sev]+ & successful--:ile z _m o!rs h  
be5  sl[ly kiss$ & prais$ into an       
intellectual apa?y2 mo/  affectionately 
murd]$ by ! ,un$ucat$ ,he>t4 ,ah1 'tis n
 only  cats & lap dogs t are kill$ )    
k9dness6    ,!re is ano!r side to ! ,m>y
 & ,m>?a /ory4 ,i "k !m well1  ^? two   

si/]s4 ,m>y loves ,m>?a well1 %e w tell 
y1 & be  %ock$ at y\r "q4 ,b de> ,m>?a  
is1 be=e h] "t1 an old  woman1          
r\nd-%\ld]$1 b[$ d[n by c>+ = o!rs4 ,9 !
 ye>s1  has ,m>y ev] said1 8,/raight5   
up1 de>6 ,y are gr[+ crook$40    ,n     
once4 ,h] own head high1 %e walks beside
 a si/] almo/  de=m$--:om1 ) an ,educat$
 ,he>t1 %e c\ld h sav$ f  ugl9ess4      
,,& by ?is "t y'll und]/& ( c\rse t !   
,educat$ ,he>t  isn't really educat$ at 
all1 9 ! s5se t x has _h to le>n h[  to 
be k9d4 ,x m]ely is wise4 ,its ge/ure is
 in/9ctive1 its k  innate4 ,b1 y ask1   
c't ! un$ucat$ he>t be in/ruct$8 ,don't 
! *ur*es & ,sunday-s*ools tea* ,h[ to be
 ,good8 ,h[ ab\t !  books ( ,e?ics8 ,ah1
 ! tr\ble ) !m all is t !y tea* :at  to 
d1 b n h[ to d x4    ,& ! tr\ble ) ?is  
little /udy w be1 p]haps1 if y & ,i     
don't look out1 t x w educate u z to    
o!rs' faults b lead u  to =get our own4 
,x's s easy to be petulant & critical2  
x's s  easy to d5y t we ourselves are   
morally r\nd-%\ld]$4 ,if y h  ev5 !     

rudim5ts ( a he>t culture1 long be=e ?is
 y w be  say+ to y\rself3    ,h ,i an   
,educat$ ,he>t8          ,,s1 if y are n
 cont5t ) increas+ y\r *e/ expansion or 
y\r  biceps1 if y want to enl>ge t my/ic
 organ :5ce fl[s true  k9dness1 y mu/   
cultivate y\r imag9ation1 y mu/ le>n to 
put  y\rself 9 ano!r's place1 ?9k 8     
?\ghts4 ,!re is b "o  sub/itute =       
imag9ation1 & t is exp]i5ce4 ,if y h    
deeply  suff]$1 p]haps y may h f\nd f   
y\r v pa91 :at real  k9dness is4 ,l     
,confucius y may h le>n$ polit5ess f !  
impolite4 ,& if y hav5't--well1 ,i      
sc>cely ?9k x %\ld be  necess>y = y to  
break a leg or inoculate y\rself ) !    
g]ms ( typhoid4 ,y might d a great deal1
 really1 by ex]cis+  j y\r common s5se4 
,take a little ?\ght1 !re=e1 ^u :at /yle
 really is4 ,9 co/ume1  y'll see t /yle 
is n :at mo/ p1 b :at ! be/ p1  we>4 ,if
 y wi%$ to be /rictly up to date1 !n1   
y'd g to !  lead+ %ops = y\r clo!s1     
w\ldn't y8 ,y'd haunt ! ,op]a1 !  sm>te/
 assemblies1 ! mo/ ari/ocratic homes1 to

 see :at  fa%ionable p select$4 ,if y   
want$ to le>n mod]n surg]y y'd  visit ! 
cl9ic ( ! mo/ em95t surgeon1 w\ldn't y1 
to obs]ve  8 te*nique8          ,,!n1 if
 y desire to be really k9d1 elegantly   
k9d1 arti/ically  k9d1 :y n seek !      
highe/ au?orities on k9dness1 & emulate 
_! exp]t ta/e & me?od8 ,:]e=e1 let me   
recomm5d to y !  greate/ examples (     
altrui/ic love1 pa/ ma/]s ( sympa!tic   
consid]ation1 ^: k9dness is direct$ by  
an inspir$ imag9ation4    ,two p]fect   
expon5ts ( ! ,educat$ ,he>t !re         
are--only two1 b ,i  am sure y h kn[n   
!m4 ,! "m1 :o sees h] *ild z truly a  "p
 ( h]self2 & ! true lov] ^: imag9ation  
is fir$ )  romance4 ,9 ^? two is mo/    
p]fectly manife/ ! love :i* passe?      
und]/&+4 ,=ev]1 unconsci\sly1 !y        
demon/rate ! radiant  tru?3    8,! he>t 
ha? its reasons1 :i* ! reason kn[e? n   
(40        ,,! ,,end