,,have ,,you ,,an ,,educated ,,heart8 ,by ,,gelett ,,burgess ,author of 8,are ,you a ,bromide80 8,the ,maxims of ,methuselah10 8,the ,romance of the ,commonplace10 c4 ,,boni ,,and ,,liveright ,publishers 33 ,new ,york ,city ---------------------------------------- ------------------------------ ,copyright1 #aibc1 ,by the ,crowell ,publishing ,co4 ---------- ,copyright1 #aibc1 ,by ,gelett ,burgess ---------------------------------------- ------------------------------ ,here the heart ,may give a useful lesson to the head1 ,and ,learning wiser grow without his books4 ,cowper3 ,the ,task4 ---------------------------------------- ------------------------------ ,,the ,,educated ,,heart ,,now1 ,sadie1 ,i knew1 was temperamental4 ,sadie was sensitive4 ,but surely there wasn't quite enough in that dull musical comedy1 that afternoon1 to make anyone weep4 ,but1 as ,i had noticed ,sadie dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief1 off and on through the first act1 when the curtain went down1 ,i demanded the reason4 ,somewhat reluctantly ,sadie handed me a letter4 8,did you ever see anything as heartless as that80 she asked4 8,it's about a package ,i sent to ,eldora1 last week40 ,i read it4 ,then1 uncertainly3 8,why1 ,i don't know10 ,i replied2 8seems all right enough to me4 #8,ever so much obliged for the birthday package4' ,what's the matter with that80 8,why1 she might just as well have said1 #8,yours of the #afth at hand and contents noted'60 ,and as ,sadie snatched back the letter she was already emptying the vials of her resentment4 ,a while ago1 it appeared1 when she was visiting ,sadie in ,new ,york1 ,eldora had raved over some fawn-colored gloves she had seen1 with those awfully wide black stitchings down the back4 ,though fairly weak after a bad attack of the flu1 poor ,sadie had tramped through shop after shop1 from #cdth ,street to #efth ,street last week1 to find those particular gloves2 actually fighting for them1 at the last1 with a mob of wild women at a bargain sale4 ,well1 ,sadie had gone and bought a fancy box4 ,sadie had wrapped that package with neatness and with fondest care4 ,sadie had walked twenty-one blocks 7so she said7 to a ,post ,office4 ,sadie had stood there in line for half an hour1 more or less1 to have it weighed and insured4 8,and ,i just loved it all--,i loved doing it for ,eldora10 wailed ,sadie4 8,and now all she says is that she is #8ever so much obliged'60 8,oh1 well10 said ,i loftily1 8we oughtn't to give things just for the thanks1 you know40 8,never mind the thanks60 snapped ,sadie1 8but did she like those gloves8 ,good gracious1 you want to know whether you've pleased a person or not1 don't you8 ,were they the right shade8 ,did they match her gown8 ,were they the size8 ,did they fit her8 ,has she worn them8 ,why1 she might have said something about them60 8,well1 at any rate10 ,i offered in appeasement1 8she answered you promptly4 ,that's something4 ,why1 loads of people don't even acknowledge gifts at all1 nowadays40 8,yes1 and that's just the point10 declared ,sadie4 8,i've no doubt she thinks she's really quite polite and kind4 ,oh1 she #8means well1' ,i suppose--they all do4 ,but the trouble with ,eldora is simply that she hasn't got the ,educated ,heart40 8,the ,educated ,heart80 ,i queried1 amused1 8what d'you mean1 the ,educated ,heart80 ,,the lady was growing a little calmer now4 8,why1 ,i've called it that to myself so long that it seems as if anyone ought to understand4 ,well1 it's this way4 ,you know you can usually tell an educated man1 can't you8 ,there's something about him that's--oh1 ,i don't know--extra4 ,finish1 it is1 perhaps4 ,distinction1 or something4 ,he knows how to--0 8,but the ,educated ,heart60 ,i insisted1 8prithee1 the ,educated ,heart60 8,why1 it's just the same with hearts as it is with heads10 quoth my ,mentor4 8,some hearts seem to be self-made1 you know--rough-dry--unvarnished--amateurish 4 ,and then some hearts are just as if they'd been to college1 and been graduated in ,kindness4 ,they've got their ,b4,k41 or ,d4,k41 even1 sometimes4 ,yes1 ,i know at least one ,doctor of ,kindness4 ,why1 ,i mean1 oh1 they have that extra touch of consideration--thoughtfulness1 you know--imagination--and--oh1 dear1 why do we like to have flowers on the dinner table8 ,they're not necessary1 of course2 but doesn't that extra touch always make the soup taste perfectly wonderful8 ,it's all the difference between just eating and dining4 ,ever see a woman without style jam on a beautiful hat and make it look like a waste-basket8 ,well1 some people are like that1 when they try to be kind4 ,style--that's what it is6 ,it's just style in kindness that most people lack4 ,oh1 it's the rarest thing in the world--the ,educated ,heart60 ,,the ,educated ,heart6 ,late that night1 alone1 ,i pondered it 4 4 4 midnight1 and still it haunted me 4 4 4 the ,educated ,heart4 4 4 4 ,superkindness1 she might have called it4 ,she might have called it ,tact4 ,vainly1 ,i tried to coin a new word for it4 ,but at the end1 ,sadie's simple term stayed with me--the ,educated ,heart4 ,and so1 using that test1 ,i found myself at length classifying my friends4 ,and first of all came ,crystabel4 ,last ,october1 you see1 ,i sent ,crystabel a book4 ,she acknowledged it1 and promptly4 ,but1 two months afterward1 hadn't she--yes1 she actually had--written me another letter1 telling me what she thought of that book2 and she proved1 moreover1 that she had read it--actually read it6 ,now1 reader1 ,i ask you3 ,isn't that a strange and beautiful experience in this careless world8 ,yes1 ,crystabel had the ,educated ,heart4 ,indeed1 receiving1 simply receiving1 is one of the greatest tests of the ,educated ,heart4 ,to such as possess it1 thanks are something like mortgages1 to be paid in installments4 ,why1 after five years1 ,crystabel often refers to a gift that has pleased her4 ,yes1 and lies about it1 too1 sometimes6 ,mind you1 ,i didn't say that ,crystabel was always really sincere4 ,i said that she was really kind4 ,she may dislike that gift exceedingly2 she may stick it up in the garret1 or give it to her laundress4 ,but ,crystabel1 having the ,educated ,heart1 appreciates kindness in others4 ,it is the motive for that gift she cares for1 not its value2 and hence her tactful1 iterated gratefulness4 ,but the others--oh1 the thousand negligent others6 ,,you give your friend a bottle of perfume4 ,she thanks you1 and pop it goes immediately into a bureau drawer1 and she begins to talk about ,harry's wife4 ,you give her a lovely veil1 and1 right before your incredulous eyes1 she wads it into a bunch1 jams it into her bag and takes another chocolate4 ,that bunch of jonquils you brought the invalid--haven't you seen it carried off into some far corner1 as if it were deadly mandragora1 or hustled into a miscellaneous mass of wholesale offerings and the subject hurriedly changed8 ,last month ,i visited my young cousin ,frizia4 8,why1 what a pretty jet necklace60 they all cried1 at dinner4 ,in pleased1 self-conscious expectancy ,i waited for ,frizia to say1 8,oh yes1 my cousin brought it to me40 ,did she8 ,no4 ,not a word except1 8,oh1 d'you like it80 ,i should have been grateful1 ,i suppose1 that my little cousin even wore that necklace4 ,haven't you1 too1 often moaned3 ,i shot a present into the air2 ,it fell to earth1 ,i know not where6 ,,why1 there are innumerable ways of insulting the giver of a present4 ,listen1 for instance1 to this acknowledgment1 from ,zeroine3 8,all my life10 she wrote1 8,i have given away pink azaleas to my friends2 and this is the first time ,i ever received one40 ,how's that for egoism8 ,compared to her noble1 extravagant and advertised generosity didn't my one gift loom pretty small8 ,rather clever she is1 that ,zeroine1 a positive genius1 sometimes--you know them--at making one wish one hadn't tried to be nice to her4 ,as the bride of one of my confreres ,i met her first in ,paris4 ,to celebrate her marriage ,i racked my brains for something charming enough with which to greet a new friend4 ,something not costly1 you know1 yet perfect and unique4 ,well1 the loveliest things of that sort ,i had found1 were the marvelous ribbon roses made by the ,comtesse de ,laumont for the benefit of the widows of officers4 ,every one is a work of art--a beautiful and faithful portrait of some particular rose from her own garden on the ,marne4 ,to her house on the ,avenue ,malakoff ,i went 7her only son1 last of his line1 had just been killed at the front1 but her work must go on71 and three exquisite ,william ,allen ,richardsons ,i picked out from all the rest4 ,late that night1 too impatient to wait1 through the narrow1 shuttered1 unlighted ,paris streets ,i walked--no taxicabs in those war days--over the river to deliver my initiatory tribute at ,zeroine's hotel4 ,and with it ,i left a letter telling her the roses' pathetic story4 ,this is what ,zeroine replied3 8,yes1 ,i know the ,de ,laumont roses4 ,they're lovely4 ,i saw the wife of the ,ambassador wearing one last week1 and got the address4 ,i have been intending to buy some of them2 but you have kindly saved me the trouble40 ,,but for the most extraordinary misunderstanding of all that gifts should mean1 ,i think ,i must1 after all1 award the prize to ,mrs4 ,hilking4 ,the ,christmas tree that day at ,mrs4 ,hilking's was heavily hung with presents--piled deep on the floor they were4 ,mrs4 ,hilking was happy--oh1 she was awfully happy6 ,didn't she have good reason to be happy8 8,why10 gurgled ,mrs4 ,hilking1 so proudly1 8baby has received so many1 many ,christmas presents that ,i didn't have to give him a single one myself60 ,selah6 ,,do you begin to see1 now1 what ,sadie meant by style in kindness8 ,style is what a smart hat has1 isn't it8 ,it's what an expensive motor car has--or a beautiful dancer4 ,it's the perfect technique of any artist--a successful clergyman1 or a good novelist1 or a clever burglar such as ,mr4 ,raffles4 ,in short1 style is a combination of good taste and imagination4 ,then what is style in giving8 ,to give what you'd like yourself may be kindness4 ,but the ,educated ,heart isn't quite satisfied even with the ,golden ,rule4 ,it amends1 or1 rather1 translates it thus3 8,whatsoever ye would that men should do to you1 were ye such as they1 do ye even so to them40 ,but perhaps you don't know what your friend wants4 ,ah1 but the ,educated ,heart makes it its business to know1 to remember1 or to find out4 8,a man's heart10 you know1 8deviseth his way40 ,one friend ,i have to whom ,i can't express a taste or desire that isn't treasured up against need4 ,if ,i happen to mention liking a ,japanese writing set1 it is only a question of time when that set is mine4 ,i said to the ,prandials once that ,i loved watercress1 and lightly wished that ,i might have it for every meal4 ,never a meal have ,i ever had at the ,prandials' table1 since then1 without finding watercress bought specially for me4 ,d',,you think it's easy1 this business of giving8 ,verily1 verily1 ,i say unto you1 giving is as much of an art as portrait-painting1 or the making of glass flowers4 ,there really ought to be a four years' course in the art of making presents in every college for those who are not born intelligently generous4 ,in one's freshman year one would be taught1 perhaps1 not to present an #he inlaid umbrella with a gold dog's-head handle with rhinestone eyes to a gentleman of culture like ,mr4 ,richard ,mansfield1 for instance1 as was once done one ,christmas by an ardent but unillumined friend4 ,if a lady has saved your son's life1 the ,educated ,heart doesn't reward her by offering her chastely appointed apartment a two-ton carved ebony chair upholstered in red plush4 ,oh1 no1 it's not easy4 ,people nowadays haven't the artless gratitude of that easily-satisfied girl who used to sing3 8,he promised to bring me a bunch of blue ribbons ,to tie up my bonny brown hair60 ,the people ,i know usually prefer to select their own ribbons--and gloves and boudoir caps and neckties--rather than have them chosen1 however expensively1 by--well1 by those who do sometimes have the audacity to choose them for you4 ,now taste1 you will say1 cannot be disputed4 ,each one has his own4 ,perhaps it can't even be educated4 ,we'll see1 later4 ,but imagination surely can be brought to bear4 ,suppose we suggest a few ways1 in illustration4 ,,are you sailing for ,italy8 ,ah1 it isn't the basket of fine fat fruits that brings the tears to your eyes1 nor the flowers with trailing yards and yards of red ribbon--all that's mere kindness1 ordinary everyday kindness4 ,even the ,vanderbilts can do that4 ,but it's the things--oh1 it's the things ,mr4 ,rockefeller never would think of--it's that little purse full of ,italian currency1 bills and small change all ready for you when you first trip ashore at ,genoa4 ,it's the little nest of spools of colored silk ,minnie made for you to catch up the first threatened run in your stocking4 ,i may1 oh1 yes1 ,i may forget the three hundred dollars you lent me that time ,i was broke2 but the little corkscrew you so thoughtfully added when you gave me that bottle of your pet malt extract--that ,i shall never1 never forget6 ,no1 he didn't have much style1 ,i admit1 to his dented1 dusty derby1 poor old ,westrose1 but1 ,god bless him1 his heart was certainly up to date4 ,he may have got a lady's coat upside down occasionally when he helped her on with it--but he understood the ,fourth ,dimension of ,kindness1 all right4 ,never a friend of his wife's did he ever puffingly put aboard a street car1 but he'd tuck1 apologetically1 into her hand the nickel to save her rummaging in her bag4 ,real elegance1 the gesture of inherent nobility1 ,i call that4 ,it's like the flourish to the signature of ,charles ,dickens4 ,it's kindness with a kick to it4 ,in short1 it's the manner and custom of the ,educated ,heart1 that makes you turn over at night and decide to add a codicil to your will--why should brother ,fred have it all8 ,well knows the ,educated ,heart that the doctor's clients usually pay slowly1 and itself therefore pays without delay4 ,which lover has the ,educated ,heart--he who orders the florist to send1 every day1 five dollars' worth of flowers1 or he who himself selects and presents a single rose8 ,ask the sweetheart--she knows that 8',tis not so much the gallant who woos1 ,as the gallant's way of wooing60 99 99 99 99 99 8,i'm so sorry ,i couldn't send you anything this ,christmas10 said ,millicent1 8but ,i've been awfully hard up60 ,too hard up1 in fact1 to afford two cents to stamp a letter1 sending her love6 99 99 99 99 99 ,,and now1 ,i beseech you1 consider the usual ,christmas present4 ,no one but a boor would present a diamond wrapped in a scrap of newspaper1 would he8 ,no2 and so the most trivial of gifts1 when sent by a civilized donor on ,christmas1 is1 by universal practice1 carefully wrapped in a pretty paper1 red or gold1 is tied with a fancy ribbon and decorated1 mayhap1 with a sprig of holly4 ,now1 that's what ,i mean by the ,educated ,heart4 ,that package is symbolical of what all friendly acts should be--kindness performed with style4 ,is it sufficient1 then1 simply to offer your seat in a street car to a woman8 ,the merely kind person does that4 ,but he does it rather sheepishly4 ,isn't your graciousness more cultured if you give it up with a bow1 with a smile of willingness8 ,besides the quarter you give the beggar1 can't you give a few cents' worth of yourself1 too8 ,so everything can be done beautifully by the ,educated ,heart1 from the lacing of a shoe so that it won't come loose1 to passing the salt before it is asked for4 ,even if you say only 8,good morning10 it can be done pleasingly4 ,observe how the polished actor says it1 with that cheerful rising ,english inflection4 ,but the ordinary ,american growls it out with such surly downward emphasis that in ,london he is apt to be asked1 8,what's the matter1 old chap--headache80 ,why1 merely to speak distinctly is a great kindness1 ,i consider4 ,you never have to ask1 8,what did you say80 to the ,educated ,heart4 ,an old maid ,i knew once confessed that the only proposal she ever received was from a timid1 low-voiced suitor1 whose question she failed to hear4 8,lucky escape10 we all agreed4 8,you might have married him and been tormented all your life by his mumbling60 ,,of course you've heard that 8he gives twice who gives quickly10 but how about the giver who gives but half his gift8 ,it isn't the procrastinator1 ,i mean4 ,the half-giver is one who 8wearies in well-doing10 stops part way on the road to kindness1 with the goal plainly in sight4 ,if you want to have the ,educated ,heart you must dot all the i's and cross the t's4 ,otherwise your gift is apt to be as the grapefruit without the sugar4 ,,half giving6 ,instances of such gold-plated parsimonious generosity ,i could cite all day--from the old-fashioned 8thrifty0 housewife1 who used to cut all the buttons off the clothes before she gave them to the poor1 to sweet1 sympathetic ,oval1 who visited an invalid4 8,oh1 ,i'm so sorry10 she said1 8,i bought the loveliest bunch of roses for you1 but ,i forgot them--left them in the hotel40 ,and ,oval1 after that 7although the flowers of course never came71 fully expected to be credited with a kindness4 ,oh1 you know them4 ,you must know them6 ,the half-giver who invites his party to supper after the theatre1 but fails to reserve a table4 ,how surprised and apologetic he is to find all the places taken6 ,the gent who escorts his lady to the theater1 too1 and1 when they come out1 exclaims3 8,gee1 doesn't this fresh air seem good1 after that stuffy house6 ,let's walk a way60 ,how bright his smile6 ,truly the heart1 as well as the clothes1 can be shabby-genteel4 ,that kind of liberality he has that many women possess4 ,oh1 yes1 they insist upon paying for their half of the dinner1 but they always forget to share the tips6 ,you remember those ,liberty ,loan subscribers who used to say1 8,i'll subscribe one thousand if you'll take another60 ,that's the way these half-givers usually leave you to complete their gifts or go and get them or something--to pay some part of the price yourself1 anyway1 in trouble or in work4 ,dear ,alfredine was kind enough to bring her friend from abroad several pairs of earrings4 ,but1 alas6 as they were made for those grandmothery old pierced ears her friend had to pay a jeweler to have them fitted with screw fastenings1 just nine dollars1 a sum she could ill afford--at least for earrings4 99 99 99 99 99 8,i'd rather not try1 please10 said ,alice4 8,i'm quite content to stay here--only ,i am so hot and thirsty60 8,i know what you'd like10 the ,queen said good-naturedly1 taking a little box out of her pocket4 8,have a biscuit80 99 99 99 99 99 ,,kind you may think you are1 and never know you are not kind4 ,and worse than all the rest are those who force their presents on you4 ,my indulgent uncle1 once1 presented me with theatre tickets to see ,bernhardt4 ,now it so happened that day that at the last moment ,i had the opportunity to meet a man1 a famous man1 whom ,i had long wanted to know1 and who proved to be of the greatest help to me4 ,when ,i told my uncle1 was he pleased to hear of my good luck8 ,not at all4 ,never did he forgive me for not using his tickets4 ,how many men who have taken the pains to secure a friend a good position are pleased to hear that he himself has discovered a better one8 ,only those with the ,educated ,heart4 ,like my uncle1 most care more for that self-flattering glow of kindliness than for another's best happiness4 ,who ever really forgave you for being ill and missing a dinner engagement8 ,you had no right to be ill4 ,you gave your kind hostess a great deal of trouble and disappointment with that ptomaine poisoning of yours6 8,be happy my way60 says the parent 8,marry this nice1 rich man ,i have chosen for you--not the poor fellow you love60 ,but no1 putting a cushion behind a man in an armchair isn't kindness unless he happens to want it there4 ,it may make him uncomfortable4 ,and dear old country grandmother--who used to urge on us1 nay1 force on us that third generous helping of pudding4 ,grandma's heart was big enough--but it wasn't quite the right shape4 ,,what',s the rarest thing in all the world8 ,intelligent sympathy4 ,why8 ,well1 each one of us is working out his own evolution1 ,i suppose1 and our own interests must be paramount and absorb us1 or we lose in the race4 ,still1 it is rather pleasing to recall1 in pessimistic moods--upon receiving a letter written in lead pencil1 for instance1 or one undated1 or with no address1 or1 most irritating of all1 with an illegible signature--it is even encouraging to recall that it isn't always these inconsiderate1 unimaginative1 egoistic people1 after all1 who succeed most brilliantly in the world4 ,sometimes a good1 plain writer1 desirous of making it easy for his reader1 gets to the top1 too1 ,god bless him6 ,and my faith in kindness as a policy is restored1 too1 by the glaring fact that of all my acquaintances the one least to be suspected of an inferiority complex is the only one who begins a telephone conversation by decently introducing himself3 8,b4 ,ganning talking60 instead of peremptorily demanding my name1 like a census man breaking in the door4 ,as many of our acquired habits1 like walking1 for instance1 have been passed from the domain of the conscious to the subconscious and become automatic1 so1 perhaps1 with the behavior of the ,educated ,heart4 ,you set it in the direction of true kindness and courtesy and it will function without deliberate thought4 ,and1 alas1 vice versa6 ,it steers as well towards selfishness4 ,,and now1 right there1 before ,i find more fault1 do1 please1 get my point of view4 ,am ,i fastidious8 ,why1 all ,i ask is an unadulterated drop of your emotion4 ,am ,i querulous8 ,why should ,i be8 ,no one is important enough to hurt me4 ,surely the very inadequacy of their feelings proves these skim-milk saints to be unworthy the time and energy it takes to resent or protest4 ,am ,i ungrateful8 ,not if you have done the least friendly act and done it wholly4 ,do ,i demand too much pay for my favors8 ,if ,i long for a little of the old-time courtesy to color life1 must you accuse me of preferring the glib1 lace-sleeved1 powdered-hair flattery1 of the ,french salons8 ,not at all4 ,these modern1 downright1 shirt-sleeved ways of ours1 open-air1 golf-playing ways1 man-and-woman1 give-and-take ways--making up the jocose and slangy warfare we call friendship1 nowadays--they're well enough1 so long as the thought beneath is honest4 ,but mere words1 words1 words--aren't you1 too1 sick of them8 ,don't you want deeds or nothing8 ,actions speak louder4 4 4 4 ,,for the fact is that such thoughtfulness1 such consideration as ,i desire is not merely decorative4 ,it is the very essence and evidence of sincerity4 ,without it all so-called kindness is merely titular and perfunctory4 ,tact is what makes kindness real1 makes it effective2 just as the perfume proves which is the genuine1 and which is the artificial violet4 ,suppose ,i propose your name for membership in my club4 ,have ,i done you 7or my club7 any real service1 unless ,i also do my best to see that you are elected8 ,so then1 if ,i go to every member of the committee1 if ,i urge all my friends to endorse you1 is that a quixotic feeling for punctilio8 ,i think not4 ,it is merely the completion of my regard for you4 ,it is like salt--8it's what makes potatoes taste bad1 if you don't put it on40 ,it is a guarantee of my true feeling4 ,it is the hug without which the kiss means nothing4 ,,neither do ,i insist on obedience to custom4 ,you may violate any of the folk-ways1 for all ,i care4 ,if you refuse to take off your hat to ladies1 ,i shall think only that you do not feel yourself bound by the elaborate rules of romantic love concocted by the lazy troubadours and sentimental chatelaines of the ,middle ,ages4 ,offer your left hand to me1 if you like1 ,i care not4 ,we carry no daggers now4 ,i know that most of us would prefer to dine with a polite murderer than with an honest tinsmith who eats with his knife4 ,but1 by that same token1 ,i know that all such artificial distinctions are not based upon kindness4 ,they are merely the unwritten laws of society4 ,but if you1 however brilliantly1 make fun of your wife1 if you humiliate an inferior1 insult a debtor1 if you promise and keep not your word1 if you fail to flavor your kindness with sincerity1 if you give only the counterfeit money of politeness--then ,i perceive that you have not the ,educated ,heart4 ,indeed1 the ,educated ,heart is rare enough anywhere2 but it is found quite as often among those who know not your artificial social code1 as it is with those of the six-fork dinner4 ,,aha6 ,now you think you have me in the old conventional corner by the altruistic what-not1 and the goody-goody seashells1 eh8 ,copybook stuff4 ,mass morality4 ,herd-minded optimism that finds good in everything and why find fault--8it's not constructive4'' ,but1 no--,i'm not trying to prove 8',tis only noble to be good10 but only that to be good1 or even pleasing1 is a severe aesthetic problem4 ,well1 ,i know that 8,hearts just as pure and fair ,may beat in ,belgrave ,square ,as in the lowly air ,of ,seven ,dials10 but1 at the same time1 one of the highest orders of the ,educated ,heart1 ,i must tell you1 is found in the criminal classes4 ,you stagger8 ,yes1 ,i repeat3 in the crook himself4 ,doesn't the confidence man1 for instance1 do everything in the power of his trained imagination 7in his first approaches1 at least71 to make his victim happy8 ,doesn't he study his come-on's every whim and taste8 ,is there anyone more tactful and polite1 more considerate and anxious to please than a shoplifter8 ,oh1 charming1 truly charming1 thoughtful and heart-wise must he be who marries eleven wives2 even though afterwards he murders them for the insurance money and buries them all in the cellar4 ,he knows how to anticipate his victim's least desire4 ,well1 why not be as shrewd as the crook1 then1 yourself1 to discover what will please and satisfy the friend you love8 ,get-rich-quick ,wallingford had a perverted heart1 'tis true1 but it had taken its degree in the ,art of ,pleasing4 ,not much like your millionaires who ask their poor relatives1 8,you don't mind sitting in front with the chauffeur1 do you80 or give their country cousins horrible little black hats with a stick-up in the back6 ,,must you dance with all the wallflowers1 then1 and always be nice to old ladies8 ,well1 no--,i won't go so far as that1 although that1 too1 would certainly show an ,educated ,heart4 ,it would prove that you had imagination enough anyway to put yourself in another's place4 ,no1 all ,i ask is that1 when you try to do a favor--to be kind--you do it to the full length of the rope4 ,don't send your telegram 8collect10 or in just ten carefully selected words4 ,economize elsewhere1 but add those few extra phrases that make the reader grin and perceive that you cared more for him than you did for the expense4 ,no one with the ,educated ,heart ever approached a clergyman1 or a celebrity1 or a long-absent visitor with the shocking greeting3 8,oh1 ,mr4 ,spoop1 you don't remember me1 do you80 ,no1 he gives his name first4 ,no one with the ,educated ,heart ever said1 8,now do come and see me1 sometime60 ,well he knows that that merely means3 8,don't come at all40 ,the ,educated ,heart's way of putting it is apt to be1 8,how about next ,wednesday80 ,and strongly ,i doubt even if the ,educated ,heart is ever tardy at that appointment4 ,it knows that even if only two minutes late a person has brought just that much less of himself4 ,oh1 he came1 yes--and we put over the deal1 after all4 ,but forever you will remember that he made you wait4 ,,you understand1 don't you1 that ,i'm not trying to discuss unkindness1 or even impoliteness8 ,nor merely legitimate half-kindness do ,i mean4 ,it would be absurd to assert that one shouldn't say1 8,here1 you may have this hat--,i don't like it40 ,but wouldn't it be still more absurd to call that sort of thing kindness8 ,no1 what ,i impugn are thoughtless attempts to be kind4 ,slipshod sentimentality masquerading as kindness4 ,near-sighted benevolence--generosity run down at the heels1 like the husband who conceives himself to be liberal because he gives his wife money--though she always has to ask him for it4 ,,why1 even in conversation there is plenty of chance for the ,educated ,heart4 ,of course1 unless you are a moron1 you must have found out by this time that very few people ever really listen4 ,they are usually merely waiting for a chance to say something themselves4 ,it may be laid down as an axiom1 then1 that no habitual talker can have the ,educated ,heart4 ,even though these wordy pests go through all the motions of listening1 say 8,oh10 and 8,ah10 and 8,really1 is that so80 and 8,how awful60 the moment you close your lips they pounce upon you with their own narrative4 ,or if1 peradventure1 they do listen1 is the story of your trials or disappointments heard with real sympathy8 ,not often4 ,your illness8 ,your divorce8 ,your losses8 ,you are merely providing them with a more or less amusing entertainment4 ,why1 one of the best ways to make yourself popular--an infallible way-- is to tell a story upon yourself4 ,give yourself the worst of it1 and they'll all roar4 ,but did anyone ever laugh with joy when you informed him that you had made ten thousand dollars1 or won a beauty prize8 ,how faint1 oh1 how pale are their congratulations6 ,the lips move1 but does the face really glow8 ,tell them you fell down two flights of stairs1 though1 and you'll see a fine abandon of mirth4 ,they'll slap you on the back1 by ,jove1 and invite you to dinner1 so that you can repeat it to the wife4 ,,you think ,i'm fooling8 ,not at all4 ,a psychological fact it is1 that1 in nine cases out of ten1 if you tell of an accident of which you're the victim1 your hearer will instantly laugh4 ,just try it yourself1 and see4 ,oh1 of course1 if you paint a vivid enough picture1 if you say 8,i had three ribs and a shoulder blade broken and four others were killed10 then possibly you may awaken their sympathy4 ,but the ordinary tale of suffering has pretty hard work getting more than half an inch inside people's ears4 ,women love to tell of their operations1 ,i hear1 but do they love to listen8 ,doesn't everyone smile when you say you haven't slept a wink all night8 ,yes1 all1 save the one with the ,educated ,heart--and he's your sweetheart1 probably4 ,queer1 but the world1 alas6 is very hard of hearing4 ,unless people see the blood actually streaming1 every sufferer is considered merely as a comedian4 ,the banana-peel joke is still typical of our reactions to another's woes4 ,,and so1 it is my fearful opinion that but seldom has the ,educated ,heart a keen sense of humor4 ,didn't an eminent mid-,victorian advise1 8,be good1 sweet maid1 and let who will be clever60 ,aren't you already thinking over your own friends8 ,am ,i not right8 ,is it the sparkling bright apostle of pleasantry to whom you go to borrow that ten dollars1 or to the serious1 kindly dub who never sees the point8 ,which dentist is most apt to drill that horrid millimetre too far into a shrieking nerve--he who tells you diverting anecdotes1 the while1 or the solemn conscientious drudge8 ,to whom do you tell your troubles-- the agile wit1 or the bromide-minded1 solid1 respectable ,philistine1 your uncle1 with the shoestring tie8 ,no1 no2 oh1 no1 my friend1 you can't be too quick on the comic trigger1 if you would have the ,educated ,heart6 ,there is 8a time to weep1 and a time to laugh10 said the ,preacher2 the ,educated ,heart knows well how to control his mirth4 ,,you call once or twice at the hospital4 ,do you ever call again8 ,not unless you have the ,educated ,heart4 ,yet the patient is still perhaps quite as ill4 ,the plain truth is1 if you must know it1 most people really dislike illness4 ,it bores them4 ,it interferes with their happiness and convenience4 ,it thrusts upon them1 too1 a disagreeable burden of sympathy4 ,but1 one there was--d'you remember8 will you ever forget8--who used to bring that cute scrapbook1 every morning1 pasted in with funny newspaper items of the day's news4 ,one there was who wrote you letters every day4 ,one who rescued the clock that always had something in front of it1 so you couldn't see the time1 who was careful never to hit the bed1 who talked to you1 yes1 to poor sick you1 instead of to the distinguished caller who happened to be present4 ,but still ,i insist ,i don't mean mere kindness4 ,others were kind to you4 ,they bought you things4 ,but such acts as these required more thought and invention than the others spent1 when they sent the jelly and champagne4 ,and oh1 what do these ,uneducated ,hearts do at your first brave smile 7though the effort kills you71 at your first would-be1 will-be cheerful letter1 or at your first timorous step on crutches8 ,they beam4 ,oh1 how they beam6 8,oh1 you're all right now1 aren't you60 ,it may pain you for months to breathe1 you may limp on that broken ankle to your grave--but it's much more convenient for them to have you well again4 ,and so1 isn't it lovely you're cured6 ,,ask any invalid4 ,ask poor ,luraine4 8,i'm afraid ,i'll have to wear glasses10 wept poor ,luraine1 after that accident when her eye was injured4 8,well1 my dear10 said her would-be comforter1 8,i do hope you'll get some of those smart tortoiseshell goggles--they're so becoming60 ,and that1 ladies and gentlemen1 is what often passes for sympathy4 ,ask any partially deaf person who is the cruellest of her would-be friends4 ,isn't it that kind and thoughtless one who says1 so sweetly3 8,why1 ,i think you get along awfully well1 you know4 ,really no one would ever know you can't hear60 ,no one but the ,educated ,heart ever knows or cares for the tearful nights of wild revolt1 the days and years of stoic suffering that remain1 just the same4 ,yes1 just the same4 ,,but let's pass1 now1 to the last cage in our menagerie4 ,here's a dangerous galravaging beast--one of those terrible creatures who 8mean well10 even while they rend you4 ,one historic remark of this emotional reptile there is1 that in the annals of mental torture1 surpasses in heartlessness all other expressions of good intent4 ,oh1 ,i have said it--you have1 too1 ,i suppose4 ,may ,god forgive us both1 for there are those who never1 never will6 ,galna it was who has dramatized it for me best4 ,a dreadful suicide it was1 no horror lacking4 ,galna1 alone in the house--alone1 save for her maid and that shocking wreck of one she had loved4 ,and in her anguish1 her despair1 her bewilderment1 the telephone bell rang4 ,lo1 ,mrs4 ,spick1 kind1 effusive ,mrs4 ,spick1 had rung her up to coo conventional condolence4 8,and now1 if there is anything ,i can do1 ,galna10 she concluded1 8be sure and let me know60 ,ah1 my friend1 sometime you1 too1 must have suffered--suffered and known not where to turn2 and1 as sure as most hearts1 alas1 are ignorant1 sometime you1 too1 must have heard that frightful phrase-- that mockery of friendship4 ,the very epitaph it is upon the grave of affection3 8,if there is anything ,i can do1 be sure and let me know60 ,but as ,galna1 dazed1 lonely1 aching1 staggered back to her room1 behold1 upon her bed she saw an unfamiliar thing4 ,tear-blinded1 she groped for it4 ,a hundred-dollar bill6 8,why1 where did this come from80 she asked1 wondering4 8,oh1 ,miss ,felice left it there10 said her maid1 8she thought perhaps you might happen to be short of money40 8,felice80 8,yes1 she's downstairs now1 helping wash the dishes and putting the parlor to rights1 and sending telegrams40 ,ah1 ,felice needed no one to 8let her know0 what to do4 ,she had imagination4 ,she had the ,educated ,heart4 ,for the ,educated ,heart always knows4 8,he seeth with his heart40 ,the language of suffering1 ordinarily1 can no more be learned without experience than can the language of ,mars2 but upon some blessed few1 in this world1 thank ,god1 has fallen the ,gift of ,tongues4 ,,truly1 as ,sadie said1 nothing is so rare as the ,educated ,heart4 ,and if you wonder why1 just show a kodak group picture--a banquet photograph--a photograph of a class4 ,what does every one of us first look at1 talk about8 ,ourself4 ,and that's the reason why most hearts are so unlearned in kindness4 ,yet none of us likes himself to be forgotten or neglected4 ,almost any wife1 ,i verily believe1 would prefer actual rudeness to having a husband pass over her wedding anniversary unnoticed4 ,even a blow would prove that she was of some importance in his life4 ,so it isn't always the big1 climactic misfortune that we suffer from most4 ,we can rally1 after we're stunned1 and go on1 somehow4 ,but it's the little stings that we can't forget4 ,it's because of the ,uneducated ,heart that love-mad women kill4 8,why don't you get a smart hat like ,carrie's1 dear8 ,she's always so well-dressed60 ,yes1 and because of the ,uneducated ,hearts of their wives1 husbands grow seedy1 silly and old4 ,why1 one can tell1 almost1 by the looks of a man--his posture1 his very clothes--whether or not his wife truly loves him4 ,for many a wife1 dubbed by his undiscerning friends a shrew1 a harridan1 has proved her real interest in him by so ballyragging him for his faults that he has1 despite himself1 improved to meet her criticism1 become ambitious1 become persevering and successful--while as many others have been slowly kissed and praised into an intellectual apathy2 most affectionately murdered by the ,uneducated ,heart4 ,ah1 'tis not only cats and lap dogs that are killed with kindness6 ,there is another side to the ,mary and ,martha story4 ,i know them well1 those two sisters4 ,mary loves ,martha well1 she will tell you1 and be shocked at your question4 ,but dear ,martha is1 before her time1 an old woman1 round-shouldered1 bowed down by caring for others4 ,in the years1 has ,mary ever said1 8,straighten up1 dear6 ,you are growing crooked40 ,not once4 ,her own head high1 she walks beside a sister almost deformed--whom1 with an ,educated ,heart1 she could have saved from ugliness4 ,,and by this time you'll understand of course that the ,educated ,heart isn't really educated at all1 in the sense that it has had to learn how to be kind4 ,it merely is wise4 ,its gesture is instinctive1 its knowledge innate4 ,but1 you ask1 can't the uneducated heart be instructed8 ,don't the churches and ,sunday-schools teach ,how to be ,good8 ,how about the books of ,ethics8 ,ah1 the trouble with them all is that they teach what to do1 but not how to do it4 ,and the trouble with this little study will be1 perhaps1 if you and ,i don't look out1 that it will educate us as to others' faults but lead us to forget our own4 ,it's so easy to be petulant and critical2 it's so easy to deny that we ourselves are morally round-shouldered4 ,if you have even the rudiments of a heart culture1 long before this you will be saying to yourself3 ,have ,i an ,educated ,heart8 ,,so1 if you are not content with increasing your chest expansion or your biceps1 if you want to enlarge that mystic organ whence flows true kindness1 you must cultivate your imagination1 you must learn to put yourself in another's place1 think his thoughts4 ,there is but one substitute for imagination1 and that is experience4 ,if you have deeply suffered1 perhaps you may have found from your very pain1 what real kindness is4 ,like ,confucius you may have learned politeness from the impolite4 ,and if you haven't--well1 ,i scarcely think it should be necessary for you to break a leg or inoculate yourself with the germs of typhoid4 ,you might do a great deal1 really1 by exercising just your common sense4 ,take a little thought1 therefore1 upon what style really is4 ,in costume1 you'll see that style is not what most people1 but what the best people1 wear4 ,if you wished to be strictly up to date1 then1 you'd go to the leading shops for your clothes1 wouldn't you8 ,you'd haunt the ,opera1 the smartest assemblies1 the most aristocratic homes1 to see what fashionable people selected4 ,if you wanted to learn modern surgery you'd visit the clinic of the most eminent surgeon1 wouldn't you1 to observe his technique8 ,,then1 if you desire to be really kind1 elegantly kind1 artistically kind1 why not seek the highest authorities on kindness1 and emulate their expert taste and method8 ,wherefore1 let me recommend to you the greatest examples of altruistic love1 past masters of sympathetic consideration1 whose kindness is directed by an inspired imagination4 ,two perfect exponents of the ,educated ,heart there are--only two1 but ,i am sure you have known them4 ,the mother1 who sees her child as truly a part of herself2 and the true lover whose imagination is fired with romance4 ,in those two is most perfectly manifest the love which passeth understanding4 ,forever1 unconsciously1 they demonstrate the radiant truth3 8,the heart hath its reasons1 which the reason knoweth not of40 ,,the ,,end