,,list ,,of ,,books ,,recently ,,published1 ,,and ,,preparing ,,for ,,publication1 ,,by ,c4 ,s4 ,,francis ,,co4 #beb ,,broadway1 ,new-,york4 ,i4 ,,history ,,of ,,the ,,condition ,,of ,,women ,,in ,,various ,,ages ,,and ,,countries4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 #b vols4 ,,ii4 ,,the ,,dream1 ,,and ,,other ,,poems4 ,,by ,,hon4 ,,mrs4 ,,norton4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,child ,,of ,,the ,,islands4 ,a ,,poem4 ,,by ,,hon4 ,,mrs4 ,,norton4 ,,iv4 ,,memoir ,,of ,,the ,,life ,,and ,,writings ,,of ,,felicia ,,hemans1 ,,by ,,her ,,sister1 ,with an ,essay on her ,genius1 by ,mrs4 ,,sigourney4 ,v4 ,,zenobia2 ,,or ,,the ,,fall ,,of ,,palmyra4 ,,by ,,rev4 ,,wm4 ,,ware4 #b vols4 ,a new edition4 ,,vi4 ,,tragedies ,,and ,,poems4 ,,by ,t4 ,,noon ,,talfourd4 ,,vii4 ,,lalla ,,rookh4 ,,by ,,thomas ,,moore4 ,a new edition4 ,,viii4 ,,the ,,epicurean4 ,,by ,,thomas ,,moore4 ,a new edition4 ,,ix4 ,,poems ,,and ,,orations ,,of ,,charles ,,sprague4 ,x4 ,,complete ,,works ,,of ,,felicia ,,hemans4 ,,with ,,memoir ,,by ,,her ,,sister1 ,and ,essay by ,mrs4 ,,sigourney4 ,in seven volumes4 ,large type4 ,beautifully printed4 ,,xi4 ,,another ,,edition ,,of ,,mrs4 ,,hemans' ,,complete ,,works4 ,in three volumes4--,large type4 ,,xii4 ,,julian2 ,,or ,,scenes ,,in ,,judea ,,by ,,the ,,author ,,of ,,zenobia4 ,,xiii4 ,,letters ,,from ,,new ,,york4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xiv4 ,,letters ,,from ,,new ,,york4 ,second ,series4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xv4 ,,mental ,,and ,,moral ,,culture ,,and ,,popular ,,education4 ,,by ,s4 ,s4 ,,randall4 ,,xvi4 ,a ,,new ,,home--,,who',,ll ,,follow8 ,,by ,,mrs4 ,,kirkland4 ,,xvii4 ,,the ,,mother',s ,,book4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xviii4 ,,poetical ,,works ,,of ,,sir ,,walter ,,scott4 ,in seven volumes4 ,with illustrations4 ,,xix4 ,,good ,,wives4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xx4 ,,sorrows ,,of ,,rosalie1 ,,and ,,other ,,poems4 ,,by ,,mrs4 ,,norton4 ,,xxi4 ,,the ,,undying ,,one1 ,,and ,,other ,,poems4 ,,by ,,mrs4 ,,norton4 ,,xxii4 ,,memoirs ,,of ,,madame ,,de ,,stael ,,and ,,of ,,madame ,,roland4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xxiii4 ,,poems ,,of ,,thomas ,,campbell4 ,,complete4 ,a new edition4 ,,xxiv4 ,,the ,,wisdom ,,and ,,genius ,,of ,,shakspere4 ,,by ,,rev4 ,,thomas ,,price4 ,,xxv4 ,,warreniana4 ,with ,notes--,critical and ,explanatory4 ,,xxvi4 ,,dramas ,,on ,,the ,,passions4 ,,by ,,joanna ,,baillie4 ,,xxvii4 ,,poems ,,of ,,joanna ,,baillie4 ,,xxviii4 ,,memoirs ,,of ,,lady ,,russell ,,and ,,of ,,madame ,,guion4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child4 ,,xxix4 ,,specimens ,,of ,,the ,,early ,,english ,,poets4 ,,by ,,george ,,ellis4 ,,xxx4 ,,legends ,,of ,,lampidosa1 ,,and ,,secrets ,,of ,,cabalism4 ,,xxxi4 ,,sir ,,joshua ,,reynolds' ,,discourses ,,on ,,painting4 ,,the ,,mother',s ,,book4 ,,by ,l4 ,,maria ,,child1 ,,author ,,of ,,the ,,frugal ,,housewife1 ,,the ,,girl',s ,,own ,,book1 ,,philothea1 ,,letters ,,from ,,new ,,york1 ,c4 ,the child is father of the man2 ,and ,i could wish his days to be ,bound each to each by natural piety4 ,,wordsworth4 ,do you ask1 then1 what will educate your son8 ,your example will educate him2 your conversation2 the business he sees you transact2 the likings and dislikings you express1--these will educate him2 the society you live in will educate him4--,,mrs4 ,,barbauld4 ,,sixth ,,edition1 ,,with ,,corrections ,,and ,,additions ,,by ,,the ,,author4 ,,new ,,york3 ,c4 ,s4 ,,francis ,,co41 #beb ,,broadway4 ,,boston3 ,,joseph ,h4 ,,francis1 #abh ,,washington ,,street4 #ahdf4 ,entered1 according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahdd1 ,,by ,c4 ,s4 ,,francis ,,co41 ,in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,southern ,district of ,new ,york4 ,,to ,,american ,,mothers1 ,,on ,,whose ,,intelligence ,,and ,,discretion ,,the ,,safety ,,and ,,prosperity ,,of ,,our ,,republic ,,so ,,much ,,depend1 ,this ,volume ,,is ,,respectfully ,,inscribed4 ,,preface4 ,when ,i wrote the #8,frugal ,housewife1' some booksellers declined publishing it1 on account of the great variety of cookery books already in the market4 ,i was perfectly aware of this circumstance2 but among them all1 ,i did not know of one suited to the wants of the middling class in our own country4 ,i believed such a book was needed2 and the sale of more than six thousand copies in one year has proved that ,i was right in my conjecture4 ,if the same remark is made with regard to adding another to the numerous books on education1 ,i have the same answer to give--,i do not know of one adapted to popular use in this country4 ,i make no pretensions to great originality4 ,the leading principles contained in this little volume have already been advanced in the standard works on education2 and ,i owe a great deal to frequent conversations with an intelligent and judicious mother4 ,perhaps some will think there is egotism and presumption in the frequent repetition of #8,i think1' and #8,i believe1' and #8,it is my opinion'--but it must be remembered that this could not well be avoided in a work where familiarity and directness of expression were particularly required4 ,i have endeavored to give the result of my own reading and observation in maxims of plain practical good-sense1 written with earnestness and simplicity of style4 ,how far ,i have succeeded must be decided by my readers4 ,,introduction4 ,i cannot offer a better or more appropriate introduction to this work1 than an extract from ,mr4 ,francis' ,discourse on ,errors in ,education4 #8,it is not easy to estimate the influence even of what may seem an inconsiderable effort1 when directed to such an object as education4 ,it has been said1 that a stone thrown into the sea agitates more or less every drop in that vast expanse of waters4 ,so it may be with the influence we exert on the minds and hearts of the young4 ,who can tell what may be the effects of a single good principle deeply fixed1 a single pure and virtuous association strongly riveted1 a single happy turn effectually given to the thoughts and affections8 ,it may spread a salutary and sacred influence over the whole life and through the whole mass of the character of the child4 ,nay1 more1 as the characters of others1 who are to come after him1 may1 and probably will1 depend much on his1 the impulse we give may not cease in him who first received it3 it may go down from one generation to another1 widening and deepening its influences as it goes1 reaching forth with various modifications1 more or less direct1 till the track of its agency shall be completely beyond human calculation4' #8,we are told1 that when ,antipater demanded of the ,lacedemonians fifty of their children as hostages1 they replied that they would rather surrender fifty of the most eminent men in the state1 whose principles were already formed1 than children to whom the want of early instruction would be a loss altogether irreparable4 ,the ,spartans were wise2 and shall ,christians be less so8 ,oh no2--for we believe that our labor cannot perish even with life2--we believe that1 even if the inscrutable providence of ,god removes these objects of affection from us1 neither the pleasure they have poured into our hearts1 nor the good we have imparted to them will1 or can1 be lost4' ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,page ,on the ,means of developing the ,bodily ,senses in earliest ,infancy1 #a ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,early ,developement of the ,affections1 #f ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,early ,cultivation of ,intellect1 #aj ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,management in ,childhood1 #bb ,,chapter ,v4 ,amusements and ,employments1 #eb ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,sunday4 ,religion4 ,views of ,death4 ,supernatural ,appearances1 #fd ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,advice concerning ,books1 #hf ,list of ,good ,books for various ,ages1 #ih ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,politeness1 #aji ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,beauty4 ,dress4 ,gentility1 #abb ,,chapter ,x4 ,management during the ,teens1 #acj ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,views of ,matrimony1 #afa ,,concluding ,,chapter4 #agj ,,the ,,mother',s ,,book4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,bodily ,,senses4 ,few people think that the management of very young babes has anything to do with their future dispositions and characters2 yet ,i believe it has more influence than can easily be calculated4 ,one writer on education even ventures to say1 that the heaviness of the ,dutch and the vivacity of the ,french are owing to the different manner in which infants are treated in those two countries4 ,the ,dutch keep their children in a state of repose1 always rocking1 or jogging them2 the ,french are perpetually tossing them about1 and showing them lively tricks4 ,i think a medium between these two extremes would be the most favorable to a child's health and faculties4 ,an infant is1 for a while1 totally ignorant of the use of the senses with which he is endowed4 ,at first1 he does not see objects2 and when he sees them1 he does not know that he can touch them4 #8,he is obliged to serve an apprenticeship to the five senses1' and at every step he needs assistance in learning his trade4 ,any one can see that assistance tends to quicken the faculties1 by observing how much faster a babe improves1 when daily surrounded by little brothers and sisters4 ,but in trying to excite an infant's attention1 care should be taken not to confuse and distract him4 ,his soul1 like his body1 is weak1 and requires to have but little sustenance at a time1 and to have it often4 ,gentleness1 patience1 and love1 are almost everything in education2 especially to those helpless little creatures1 who have just entered into a world where everything is new and strange to them4 ,gentleness is a sort of mild atmosphere2 and it enters into a child's soul1 like the sunshine into the rose-bud1 slowly but surely expanding it into beauty and vigor4 ,all loud noises and violent motions should be avoided4 ,they pain an infant's senses1 and distract his faculties4 ,i have seen impatient nurses thrust a glaring candle before the eyes of a fretful babe1 or drum violently on the table1 or rock the cradle like an earth-quake4 ,these things may stop a child's cries for a short time1 because the pain they occasion his senses draws his attention from the pain which first induces him to cry2 but they do not comfort or soothe him4 ,as soon as he recovers from the distraction they have occasioned1 he will probably cry again1 and even louder than before4 ,besides the pain given to his mind1 violent measures are dangerous to the bodily senses4 ,deafness and weakness of eye-sight may no doubt often be attributed to such causes as ,i have mentioned2 and physicians are agreed that the dropsy on the brain is frequently produced by violent rocking4 ,unless a child's cries are occasioned by sharp bodily pain1 they may usually be pacified by some pleasing object1 such as stroking a kitten1 or patting the dog2 and if their tears are really occasioned by acute pain1 is it not cruel to add another suffering1 by stunning them with noise1 or blinding them with light8 ,attention should be early aroused by presenting attractive objects--things of bright and beautiful colors1 but not glaring--and sounds pleasant and soft to the ear4 ,when you have succeeded in attracting a babe's attention to any object1 it is well to let him examine it just as long as he chooses4 ,every time he turns it over1 drops it1 and takes it up again1 he adds something to the little stock of his scanty experience4 ,when his powers of attention are wearied1 he will soon enough show it by his actions4 ,a multitude of new playthings1 crowded upon him one after another1 only serve to confuse him4 ,he does not learn as much1 because he does not have time to get acquainted with the properties of any one of them4 ,having had his little mind excited by a new object1 he should be left in quiet1 to toss1 and turn1 and jingle it1 to his heart's content4 ,if he look up in the midst of his play1 a smile should be always ready for him1 that he may feel protected and happy in the atmosphere of love4 ,it is important that children1 even when babes1 should never be spectators of anger1 or any evil passion4 ,they come to us from heaven1 with their little souls full of innocence and peace2 and1 as far as possible1 a mother's influence should not interfere with the influence of angels4 ,the first and most important thing1 in order to effect this is1 that the mother should keep her own spirit in tranquillity and purity2 for it is beyond all doubt that the state of a mother affects her child4 ,there are proofs that it is true1 both with regard to mind and body4 ,a mere babe will grieve and sob at the expression of distress on a mother's countenance2 he cannot possibly know what that expression means1 but he feels that it is something painful--his mother's state affects him4 ,effects on the bodily constitution will be more readily believed than effects on the mind1 because the most thoughtless can see the one1 and they cannot see the other4 ,children have died in convulsions1 in consequence of nursing a mother1 while under the influence of violent passion or emotion2 and who can tell how much of moral evil may be traced to the states of mind indulged by a mother1 while tending the precious little being1 who receives everything from her8 ,therefore the first rule1 and the most important of all1 in education1 is1 that a mother govern her own feelings1 and keep her heart and conscience pure4 ,the next most important thing appears to me to be1 that a mother1 as far as other duties will permit1 take the entire care of her own child4 ,i am aware that people of moderate fortune cannot attend exclusively to an infant4 ,other cares claim a share of attention1 and sisters1 or domestics1 must be intrusted2 but where this must necessarily be the case1 the infant should1 as much as possible1 feel its mother's guardianship4 ,if in the same room1 a smile1 or a look of fondness1 should now and then be bestowed upon him2 and if in an adjoining room1 some of the endearing appellations to which he has been accustomed1 should once in a while meet his ear4 ,the knowledge that his natural protector and best friend is near1 will give him a feeling of safety and protection alike conducive to his happiness and beneficial to his temper4 ,you may say1 perhaps1 that a mother's instinct teaches fondness1 and there is no need of urging that point2 but the difficulty is1 mothers are sometimes fond by fits and starts--they follow impulse1 not principle4 ,perhaps the cares of the world vex or discourage you--and you do not1 as usual1 smile upon your babe when he looks up earnestly in your face1--or you are a little impatient at his fretfulness4 ,those who know your inquietudes may easily excuse this2 but what does the innocent being before you know of care and trouble8 ,and why should you distract his pure nature by the evils you have received from a vexatious world8 ,it does you no good1 and it injures him4 ,do you say it is impossible always to govern one's feelings8 ,there is one method1 a never-failing one--prayer4 ,it consoles and strengthens the wounded heart1 and tranquillizes the most stormy passions4 ,you will say1 perhaps1 that you have not leisure to pray every time your temper is provoked1 or your heart is grieved4--,it requires no time--the inward ejaculation of #8,lord1 help me to overcome this temptation1' may be made in any place and amid any employments2 and if uttered in humble sincerity1 the voice that said to the raging waters1 #8,peace6 ,be still6' will restore quiet to your troubled soul4 ,as the first step in education1 ,i have recommended gentle1 but constant efforts to attract the attention1 and improve the bodily senses4 ,i would here suggest the importance of preserving the organs of those senses in full vigor4 ,for instance1 the cradle should be so placed that the face of the infant may be in shade4 ,a stream of light is dangerous to his delicate organs of vision2 and if it be allowed to come in at one side1 he may turn his eyes1 in the effort to watch it4 ,glaring red curtains and brilliantly striped ,venetian carpeting are bad things in a nursery1 for similar reasons4 ,i have said nothing concerning the physical wants of children1--their food1 diseases1 c1--because such subjects are not embraced in the design of the present work4 ,the judicious and experienced are universally agreed that the best books for these purposes are1 #8,,dewees' ,,treatise ,,upon ,,children1' and #8,,advice ,,to ,,young ,,mothers1 ,,by ,a ,,grandmother4' ,,chap4 ,,ii4 ,,the ,,affections4 ,the cultivation of the affections comes next to the development of the bodily senses2 or rather they may be said to begin together1 so early does the infant heart receive impressions4 ,the uniform gentleness1 to which ,i have before alluded1 and the calm state of the mother's own feelings1 have much to do with the affections of the child4 ,kindness toward animals is of great importance4 ,children should be encouraged in pitying their distress2 and if guilty of any violent treatment toward them1 they should see that you are grieved and displeased at such conduct4 ,before showing any disapprobation of his conduct1 however1 it should be explained to a very young child when he really does hurt an animal2 for young children are often cruel from the mere thoughtlessness of frolic2 they strike an animal as they would strike a log of wood1 without knowing that they occasion pain4 ,i once saw a mother laugh very heartily at the distressed face of a kitten1 which a child of two years old was pulling backward by the tail4 ,at last1 the kitten1 in self-defence1 turned and scratched the boy4 ,he screamed1 and his mother ran to him1 kissed the wound1 and beat the poor kitten1 saying all the time1 #8,naughty kitten1 to scratch ,john6 ,i'll beat her for scratching ,john6 ,there1 ugly puss6' ,this little incident1 trifling as it seems1 no doubt had important effects on the character of the child2 especially as a mother1 who would do such a thing once1 would be very likely to do it habitually4 ,in the first place1 the child was encouraged in cruelty1 by seeing that it gave his mother amusement4 ,had she explained to him that he was hurting the kitten1 and expressed her pity by saying1 #8,oh1 don't hurt kitty--she is a good little puss--and she loves ,john'--what a different impression would have been made on his infant heart6 ,in the next place1 the kitten was struck for defending herself2 this was injustice to the injured animal1 and a lesson of tyranny to the boy4 ,in the third place1 striking the kitten because she had scratched him1 was teaching him retaliation4 ,for that reason1 a chair or a foot-stool1 against which he had accidentally hurt himself1 should never be struck1 or treated in an angry manner4 ,you know1 to be sure1 that an inanimate object is not capable of feeling pain2 but your infant does not know it2 the influence upon him is1 that it is right to injure when we are injured4 ,it is a common opinion that a spirit of revenge is natural to children4 ,no doubt bad temper1 as well as other evils1 moral and physical1 are often hereditary--and here is a fresh reason for being good ourselves1 if we would have our children good4 ,but allowing that evil propensities are hereditary1 and therefore born with children1 how are they excited1 and called into action8 ,first1 by the influences of the nursery--those early influences1 which1 beginning as they do with life itself1 are easily mistaken for the operations of nature2 and in the second place1 by the temptations of the world4 ,now1 if a child has ever so bad propensities1 if the influences of the nursery be pure and holy1 his evils will never be excited1 or roused into action1 until his understanding is enlightened1 and his principles formed1 so that he has power to resist them4 ,the temptations of the world will then do him no harm2 he will #8overcome evil with good4' ,but if1 on the other hand1 the influences of the nursery are bad1 the weak passions of the child are strengthened before his understanding is made strong2 he gets into habits of evil before he is capable of perceiving that they are evil4 ,consequently1 when he comes out into the world1 he brings no armor against its temptations4 ,evil is within and without4 ,and should the ,lord finally bring him out of ,egypt1 it must be after a dark1 and weary bondage4 ,the mind of a child is not like that of a grown person1 too full and too busy to observe everything2 it is a vessel empty and pure--always ready to receive1 and always receiving4 ,every look1 every movement1 every expression1 does something toward forming the character of the little heir to immortal life4 ,do you regard it as too much trouble thus to keep watch over yourself8 ,surely the indulgence of evil is no privilege3 the yoke of goodness is far lighter and easier to bear1 than the bondage of evil4 ,is not the restraint you impose upon yourself for the good of your child1 blessed1 doubly blessed1 to your own soul8 ,does not the little cherub in this way guide you to heaven1 marking the pathway by the flowers he scatters as he goes4 ,the rule1 then1 for developing good affections in a child is1 that he never be allowed to see or feel the influence of bad passions1 even in the most trifling things2 and in order to effect this1 you must drive evil passions out of your own heart4 ,nothing can be real that has not its home within us4 ,the only sure way1 as well as the easiest1 to appear good1 is to be good4 ,it is not possible to indulge anger1 or any other wrong feeling1 and conceal it entirely4 ,if not expressed in words1 a child feels the baneful influence4 ,evil enters into his soul1 as the imperceptible atmosphere he breathes enters into his lungs3 and the beautiful little image of ,god is removed farther and farther from his home in heaven4 ,,chap4 ,,iii4 ,,intellect4--,,attention4 ,the first effort of intellect is to associate the names of objects with the sight of them4 ,to assist a babe in this particular1 when you direct his attention to any object1 speak the name of the object1 slowly and distinctly4 ,after a few times1 he will know the thing by its name2 and if you say ,dog1 when the dog is not in the room1 he will show that he knows what you mean1 by looking round in search of him4 ,by degrees1 a few words can be added4 ,he will soon learn to repeat1 #8,good little dog2' and though he may not have very exact ideas of what good means1 the tone of the voice1 and the manner in which you speak1 will make him think it is something pleasant4 ,when you draw a child's attention to a living thing1 it is well to accompany it with some endearment to the animal2 this will awaken his affections1 as well as his thoughts4 ,in teaching a child to talk1 low1 mild tones should be used4 ,too much cannot be said on the importance of giving children early habits of observation4 ,this must be done by teaching them to pay attention to surrounding objects1 and to inquire the why and wherefore of everything4 ,no doubt many mothers will say1 #8,i cannot thus train the minds of my children2 for it is my misfortune not to have had an education myself4' ,this answer is very frequently given2 and if by education is meant book-learning1 the excuse is indeed a poor one4 ,good judgment1 kind feelings1 and habitual command over one's own passions1 are necessary in the education of children2 but learning is not necessary4 ,the mother1 who has had no other advantages than are furnished by a public school in a remote country village1 knows a great many more things than a child of three or four years can possibly know4 ,early accustom your children to inquire about the things they handle4 ,what if you cannot always answer them8 ,you do them an immense deal of good by giving their minds active habits4 ,if a spirit of inquiry is once aroused1 it will1 sooner or later1 find means to satisfy itself2 and thus the inquisitive boy will become an energetic1 capable man4 ,i will give some familiar instances of what ,i mean4 ,generally speaking1 when mothers have done superintending domestic concerns for the day1 and have seated themselves1 to #8take some comfort1' as the phrase is1 #8with their children1' they spend the time in trotting them1 or shaking the rattle1 or dragging about the little cart1 or repeating over and over again1 #8pat a cake1 pat a cake4' ,now this is extremely well2 and should on no account be omitted4 ,but something ought to be mixed with these plays to give the child habits of thought4 ,toys amuse him for the time2 but he grows weary of them1 and when he does not hear1 or see them1 they do not furnish anything for him to think about4 ,but should you1 while tossing a ball1 stop and say1 #8,this ball is round2 this little tea-table is square4 ,now ,george knows what round and square mean1'--it would give him something to think about4 ,when he has a new toy1 he will think to himself whether it is round or square4 ,it is not well to tell him more than one thing at a time1 or to enter into any detailed explanations4 ,it is a bad thing to have infant attention wearied4 ,it is enough for him to know that the ball is round and the table square4 ,when he is older1 you can explain to him that a square has always equal sides1 and that the edge of a round thing is always equally distant from the centre4 ,another day1 should you show him your ball of yarn1 and ask him if it be round or square1 the chance is1 he will answer correctly4 ,if he does recollect what you have told him1 it will make his little heart very happy2 and should you reward his answer with a smile and a kiss1 you will undoubtedly have done much to awaken his powers of observation4 ,so much for the first step4--,at another time1 should you chance to be spinning a dollar1 or a cent1 for his amusement1 you can1 in the midst of the play1 stop and say1 #8,this dollar is round1 as well as the ball2 but the dollar is flat1 and the ball is not flat4 ,if ,george puts his hand on the dollar1 he will feel that it is flat2 and if he puts his hand on the ball1 he will feel that it is not flat4 ,now ,george knows what flat means4' ,here ,i would remark1 that if the child is impatient to have the dollar spinning1 and does not love to hear about its form1 it is unwise to cross his inclinations4 ,we never remember so well what we do not love to hear2 and forced instruction is apt to injure the temper1 and give an early aversion to knowledge4 ,we are apt to forget that things long familiar to us are entirely unknown to an infant4 ,there is hardly anything connected with his little wants1 which may not be made a pleasant medium of instruction4 ,when eating a piece of bread1 the following questions may be asked and answered4 #8,what is bread made of8' #8,i don't know2 what is it made of1 mother8' #8,it is made of grain2 sometimes of rye1 sometimes of ,indian meal1 and sometimes of flour4' #8,what is grain made of8' #8,it grows in the field4 ,the farmers plant it in the ground1 and ,god causes it to grow4' ,when a child is playing with his kitten1 it is easy to mix instruction with his enjoyment1 by saying1 #8,feel pussy's fur--how smooth it is4 ,feel this piece of coral--how rough it is4 ,pussy's fur is smooth1 and the coral is rough4 ,now ,george knows what smooth and rough mean4' ,as he grows older1 the information given him may be of a higher character4 ,he can be told1 #8,the andirons are made of brass4 ,brass is called a metal2 it is dug out of the earth4' ,at another time1 he may be asked1 #8,what is the cover of your book made of8' ,if he answer1 #8,of leather1' ask him what leather is made of4 ,if he does not know1 tell him it is made of a calf's skin4 ,then ask him whether the cover of his book is a metal4 ,if he say1 #8,no1' ask him what is the reason it is not4 ,if he cannot answer1 tell him1 #8,because metals are always dug out of the earth4 ,leather is not dug out of the earth2 it is made of calf-skin2 therefore it is an animal substance1 not a metal4 ,does ,george know what an animal is8 ,it is a creature that grows1 and can move about from one place to another4 ,your kitten is an animal2 she grows bigger every day2 and she moves about4 ,the brass andirons are not animals4 ,they do not grow any larger1 and they cannot move4' ,afterward1 when a proper opportunity occurs1 ask him to tell you the difference between a metal and an animal4 ,if he bring you a rose1 you can say1 #8,thank you1 ,george1 for this rose4 ,now1 can you tell me what it is8 ,is it a metal8' #8,no4' #8,is it an animal8' #8,i should think not1 mother4' #8,what is it1 then8' #8,i don't know4' #8,i will tell you4 ,it is a vegetable4 ,vegetables grow out of the earth4 ,they are not like metals1 because they grow larger and larger2 and they are not like animals1 because they cannot move of themselves4 ,what are you1 ,george8' #8,i am not a metal1 for ,i grow bigger every day4 ,i am not a vegetable1 for ,i can walk4 ,i think ,i am an animal4' #8,right1 my dear son4 ,now you know the meaning of metals1 animals1 and vegetables4' ,such conversations as these will make his thoughts busy2 and when he takes a book he will probably ask1 #8,what are the leaves of books made of8' #8,they are made of paper4' #8,what is paper made of8' #8,of rags4' #8,what are rags made of8' #8,sometimes of linen1 and sometimes of cotton4 ,cotton grows in a pod1 and linen is made from a plant called flax4' #8,then the leaves of my book are vegetable4' ,this discovery1 simple as it is1 will afford the boy great pleasure1 and will make it more easy to exercise his powers of thought4 ,i dare say the preceding hints will sound silly enough to many mothers2 but they are nevertheless founded in reason and sound sense4 ,it is a fact that children1 thus early accustomed to observe1 will have a wonderful power of amusing themselves4 ,they will examine every figure in the carpet1 and think to themselves whether it is round1 or square2 and will sit1 by the half hour1 quietly watching the figures on copper-plate1 or calico4 ,arithmetic may very early be made a source of amusement2 for children can very soon learn to count sticks or marbles1 and tell how many they should have left1 if you should take away any given number4 ,with regard to the kind of information conveyed1 as well as the quantity1 that should depend upon the child's age1 intelligence1 and progress2 things which no person can have an opportunity to observe and know1 so well as a mother4 ,the system of making use of all the common incidents of life to convey knowledge1 and improve the heart1 may be begun in the earliest childhood1 and continued even until youth ripens into manhood4 ,i will give a simple instance3 ,quite a large boy1 when sailing in a boat1 may be asked to observe how the hills and the trees seem to move from him1 while in fact the boat alone is moving4 ,the simple fact may not be of much consequence to him2 for if he is a bright boy1 he would have noticed it himself1 without being asked to attend to it3 but you can make it the means of illustrating another idea1 by saying1 #8,just so the sun seems to move round the earth2 but it does not move4 ,the sun stands still1 as the hills and trees do2 but the earth is moving all the time4' ,i am aware that these habits of inquiry are at times very troublesome2 for no one1 however patient1 can be always ready to answer the multitude of questions a child is disposed to ask4 ,but it must be remembered that all good things are accompanied with inconveniences4 ,the care of children requires a great many sacrifices1 and a great deal of self-denial2 but the woman1 who is not willing to sacrifice a good deal in such a cause1 does not deserve to be a mother4 ,besides1 the thoughtless1 indolent parent1 who is not willing to make sacrifices1 and take trouble1 does in fact have the most trouble2 for the evils she would not check at first1 when it might easily have been done1 afterward grow too strong for her management4 ,but to return to the subject of asking questions4 ,it is a spirit which should not be discouraged2 but at the same time1 children should be taught that they cannot always be attended to4 ,if you are otherwise occupied1 and their inquiries distract you1 think a moment1 and collect yourself1 lest you should answer pettishly4 ,do not say1 #8,how you plague me1 ,jane6 ,i wish you would go away1 and keep still6' ,but say1 #8,i am very busy now1 ,jane4 ,i cannot attend to you4 ,if you will remember to ask me by and by1 when ,i can attend to you1 ,i will talk with you about it4' ,if the child persists1 the answer should be1 #8,you know ,i always tell you what you ask1 when ,i am not very busy4 ,i cannot attend to you now2 and if you teaze me1 ,i shall be very sorry2 for ,i shall be obliged to put you out of the room4' ,after this threat is once made1 nothing should induce you to refrain from observing it4 ,in order that your child may be easily satisfied with these kind1 but firm refusals1 when you are busy1 you should try to bear in mind the question she has asked1 and take the first leisure moment to reply to it4 ,this will give her confidence in what you have said2 and she will know it was not done merely to put her off4 ,perhaps another difficulty may occur2 your children may ask questions that you do not know how to answer ,in that case1 as in all others1 the honest truth should be told4 ,the reply should be1 #8,i do not know4 ,when father comes home1 we will ask him2 perhaps he can tell us4' ,if father does not know1 the answer should be1 #8,as soon as you have money enough1 ,i will buy you a book1 that will tell all about it3' and this1 like all other things that are promised1 should be done4 ,if1 as is often the case1 a child asks an explanation1 which would be altogether above his powers of comprehension1 the answer should be1 #8,if ,i were to tell you1 you could not understand it now4 ,you must wait till you are older4' ,if your child has been early accustomed to the strictest regard to truth1 he will believe what you say1 and try to be satisfied4 ,some children1 being too much praised for their quickness1 or their wit1 ask a number of useless1 pert questions4 ,this disposition should be promptly and decidedly checked2 for it is the germ of vanity and affectation4 ,to avoid exciting this evil in the mind of a bright child1 a very intelligent question1 or remark1 should never be quoted as anything remarkable1 nor should he be at all encouraged to show off before company4 ,the habit of reciting verses1 and displaying other acquirements before strangers1 seems to me the worst of all possible things for children4 ,they should be taught to love knowledge for the sake of the good it will enable them to do others1 not because they will gain praise by it4 ,an inordinate love of reputation is always a powerful temptation to active minds2 and the more the evil is fostered in the nursery1 the harder it is to overcome4 ,children should hear learning1 and wealth1 and all other external gifts1 spoken of according to their true value--that is1 their usefulness4 ,they should be told1 #8,the more knowledge you gain1 the more useful you can be1 when you become a man4' ,perhaps you will say1 that as your children grow older1 they cannot help learning that a rose is a vegetable1 the andirons a metal1 c42 and you will ask what is the use of teaching it to them a few years earlier than they would naturally take to find it out of themselves4 ,i readily allow that the knowledge itself is of very little consequence to them2 but the habits of attention and activity of mind1 which you give them1 are worth everything4 ,if you take the trouble to observe1 you will find those who are the most useful1 and of course the most successful1 in any department1 are those who are in the habit of observing closely1 and thinking about what they observe4 ,why is it that a botanist will see hundreds of plants in a field1 which the careless stroller may pass again and again without perceiving8 ,it is because his attention has been fixed upon plants4 ,how is the great novelist enabled to give you such natural pictures of life and manners8 ,a close attention to all the varieties of human character1 enables him to represent them as they are4 ,you will find that a smart1 notable housewife is always an #8observing woman4' ,what constitutes the difference between a neat1 faithful domestic1 and a heedless1 sluttish one8 ,one pays attention to what she is about1 and the other does not4 ,the slut's hands may be very dirty1 but she does not observe it2 every time she takes hold of the door1 she may leave it covered with black prints1 but she does not observe it4 ,one educated to attend to things about her1 would immediately see these defects and remedy them4 ,we often hear it said1 #8,such a person has good sense1 and good feelings2 but1 somehow or other1 he has no faculty4' ,the #8faculty' that is wanting is nothing more or less than active habits of observation acquired in early life4 ,those who give their attention exclusively to one thing1 become great in that one thing2 and will in all probability be careless and unobserving about everything else4 ,this sort of character is not desirable2 for if it makes a man greater in one particular branch1 it much impairs his general usefulness4 ,in a woman it is peculiarly unfortunate2 for1 whether she be rich or poor1 the sphere allotted her by ,providence requires attention to many things4 ,literary women are not usually domestic2 not because they cannot easily be so--but because they early acquired the habit of attending to literary things1 and of neglecting others4 ,it is not true that intellectual pursuits leave no time to attend to the common concerns of life4 ,a fashionable woman spends more time and thought about her dress1 than the most learned woman spends about books4 ,it is merely attention that is wanted to make the belle literary1 and the learned lady domestic4 ,all the faculties of a child's mind should be cultivated1 and they should early acquire a power of varying their attention1 so as to be able to bestow it easily upon any subject whatsoever4 ,some think it a sign of good sense to despise good taste2 hence the universal complaint that scholars are awkward and slovenly4 ,unquestionably this is better than the silly pursuit of ever-varying fashion2 but there is no need of either extreme--extremes always lie on one side or the other of truth and nature4 ,some1 seeing the disastrous effects of an over-heated imagination1 think that any degree of imagination is inconsistent with good judgment4 ,this is a mistake4--,the finest imagination may be kept perfectly in check by good sense1 provided all the powers of the mind are equally cultivated in early life4 ,a great writer has said1 #8,in forming the human character1 we must not proceed as a statuary does in forming a statue1 who works sometimes on the face1 sometimes on the limbs1 and sometimes on the folds of the drapery2 but we must proceed 7and it certainly is in our power7 as nature does in forming a flower1 or any other of her productions2 she throws out altogether and at once the whole system of being1 and the rudiments of all the parts4' ,to a woman1 the power of changing attention is peculiarly valuable4 ,i have said that an exclusive attention to learning was a fault1 as well as an exclusive attention to fashion2 but while ,i condemn the excessive love of books1 ,i must insist that the power of finding enjoyment in reading is above all price1 particularly to a woman4 ,a full mind is a great safeguard to virtue and happiness in every situation of life4 ,multitudes of people do wrong from mere emptiness of mind1 and want of occupation4 ,children should be early taught by example to listen attentively to intelligent conversation1 and should afterward be encouraged in referring to it4 ,this will occasion a thirst for information1 which will lead to a love of reading4 ,but while you try to encourage a love of books1 remember to direct their attention to other things at the same time4 ,for instance1 show your daughter at which end you begin to grate a nutmeg1 and explain to her that if you began at the end once fastened to the branch1 it would grate full of holes2 because the fibres which held it together were fastened at that place1 and being broken1 they fall out4 ,when sewing1 you can call attention to the fact that sewing-silk splits much better for being first drawn through the wax2 and that a wristband is put on before the sleeve is sewed1 because it can be managed more conveniently4 ,i mention these merely as familiar instances how the attention may be kept awake1 and ready to devote itself to little things1 as well as great4 ,if a girl feels interested in nothing but books1 she will in all probability be useless1 or nearly so1 in all the relations dearest to a good woman's heart2 if1 on the other hand1 she gives all her attention to household matters1 she will become a mere drudge1 and will lose many valuable sources of enjoyment and usefulness4 ,this may be said in favor of an over-earnest love of knowledge--a great mind can attend to little things1 but a little mind cannot attend to great things4 ,,chap4 ,,iv4 ,,management4 ,this phrase is a very broad and comprehensive one4 ,under it ,i mean to include all that relates to rewards and punishments1 and the adaptation of education to different characters and dispositions4 ,the good old fashioned maxim that #8example is better than precept1' is the best thing to begin with4 ,the great difficulty in education is that we give rules instead of inspiring sentiments4 ,the simple fact that your child never saw you angry1 that your voice is always gentle1 and the expression of your face always kind1 is worth a thousand times more than all the rules you can give him about not beating his dog1 pinching his brother1 c4 ,it is in vain to load the understanding with rules1 if the affections are not pure4 ,in the first place1 it is not possible to make rules enough to apply to all manner of cases2 and if it were possible1 a child would soon forget them4 ,but if you inspire him with right feelings1 they will govern his actions4 ,all our thoughts and actions come from our affections2 if we love what is good1 we shall think and do what is good4 ,children are not so much influenced by what we say and do in particular reference to them1 as by the general effect of our characters and conversation4 ,they are in a great degree creatures of imitation4 ,if they see a mother fond of finery1 they become fond of finery2 if they see her selfish1 it makes them selfish2 if they see her extremely anxious for the attention of wealthy people1 they learn to think wealth is the only good4 ,those whose early influence is what it should be1 will find their children easy to manage1 as they grow older4 ,an infant's wants should be attended to without waiting for him to cry4 ,at first1 a babe cries merely from a sensation of suffering--because food1 warmth1 or other comforts necessary to his young existence1 are withheld2 but when he finds crying is the only means of attracting attention1 he soon gets in the habit of crying for everything4 ,to avoid this1 his wants should be attended to1 whether he demand it or not4 ,food1 sleep1 and necessary comforts should be supplied to him at such times as the experience of his mother may dictate4 ,if he has been sitting on the floor1 playing quietly by himself a good while1 take him up and amuse him1 if you can spare time1 without waiting for weariness to render him fretful4 ,who can blame a child for fretting and screaming1 if experience has taught him that he cannot get his wants attended to in any other manner8 ,young children should never be made to cry by plaguing them1 for the sake of fun2 it makes them seriously unhappy for the time1 and has an injurious effect upon their dispositions4 ,when in any little trouble1 they should be helped as quick as possible4 ,when their feet are caught in the rounds of a chair1 or their playthings entangled1 or when any other of the thousand-and-one afflictions of baby-hood occur1 it is an easy thing to teach them to wait by saying1 #8,stop a minute1 and ,i will come to you4' ,but do not say this1 to put them off2 attend to them as quick as your employments will permit2 they will then wait patiently should another disaster occur4 ,children1 who have entire confidence that the simple truth is always spoken to them1 are rarely troublesome4 ,a silent influence1 which they do not perceive1 is better for young children than direct rules and prohibitions4 ,for instance1 should a child be in ill humor1 without any apparent cause1 7as will sometimes happen7--should he push down his playthings1 and then cry because he has injured them--chase the kitten1 and then cry because she has run out of his reach--it is injurious to take any direct notice of it1 by saying1 #8,how cross you are to-day1 ,james6 ,what a naughty boy you are6 ,i don't love you to-day4' ,this1 in all probability1 will make matters worse4 ,the better way is to draw off his attention to pleasant thoughts by saying1 #8,i am going in the garden'--or1 #8,i am going out to see the calf4 ,does ,james want to go with me8' ,if1 in the capriciousness of his humor1 he says he does not want to go1 do not urge him3 make preparations to go1 and he will soon be inclined to follow4 ,a few flowers1 or a little pleasant talk about the calf1 will1 in all probability1 produce entire forgetfulness of his troubles4 ,if the employment suggested to him combine usefulness with pleasure1--such as feeding the chickens1 shelling peas for dinner1 c41 so much the better4 ,the habit of assisting others1 excites the benevolent affections1 and lays the foundation of industry4 ,when a little child has been playing1 and perhaps quarrelling1 out of doors1 and comes in with his face all of a blaze1 sobbing and crying1 it is an excellent plan to take him by the hand and say1 #8,what is the matter1 my dear boy8 ,tell me what is the matter4 ,but1 how dirty your face is6 ,let me wash your face nicely1 and wipe it dry1 and then you shall sit in my lap and tell me all about it4' ,if he is washed gently1 the sensation will be pleasant and refreshing1 and by the time the operation is finished1 his attention will be drawn off from his vexations2 his temper will be cooled1 as well as his face4 ,then seat him in your lap1 encourage him to tell you all about his troubles1 comb his hair gently in the mean time1 and in a few minutes the vexation of his little spirit will be entirely soothed4 ,this secret of calling off the attention by little kind offices is very valuable to those who have the care of invalids1 or young children4 ,bathing the hands and feet1 or combing the hair gently1 will sometimes put a sick person asleep when he can obtain rest in no other way4 ,an experienced and very judicious mother told me that1 in the course of twenty years' experience1 she had never known washing the face and combing the hair1 fail to soothe an angry and tired child4 ,but then it must be done gently4 ,the reason children frequently have an aversion to being washed is that they are taken hold of roughly1 and rubbed very hard4 ,if you occasion them pain by the operation1 can you wonder they dread it8 ,by such expedients as ,i have mentioned1 ill-humor and discontent are driven away by the influence of kindness and cheerfulness2 #8evil is overcome with good4' ,whipping and scolding could not have produced quiet so soon2 and if they could1 the child's temper would have been injured in the process4 ,i have said that example and silent influence were better than direct rules and commands4 ,nevertheless1 there are cases where rules must be made2 and children must be taught to obey implicitly4 ,for instance1 a child must be expressly forbidden to play with fire1 to climb upon the tables1 c4 ,but whenever it is possible1 restraint should be invisible4 ,the first and most important step in management is1 that whatever a mother says1 always must be done4 ,for this reason1 do not require too much2 and on no account allow your child to do at one time1 what you have forbidden him at another4 ,sometimes when a woman feels easy and good-natured1 and does not expect any company1 she will allow her children to go to the table and take lumps of sugar2 but should visiters be in the room1 or she out of humor with the occurrences of the day1 she will perhaps scold1 or strike them1 for the self-same trick4 ,how can a mother expect obedience to commands so selfish and capricious8 ,what inferences will a child draw from such conduct8 ,you may smile at the idea that very young children draw inferences2 but it is a fact1 that they do draw inferences--and very just ones too4 ,we mistake1 when we trust too much to children's not thinking1 or observing4 ,they are shrewd reasoners in all cases where their little interests are concerned4 ,they know a mother's ruling passion2 they soon discover her weak side1 and learn how to attack it most successfully4 ,i will relate a little anecdote1 to show that children are acute observers of character4 ,a wealthy lady1 fond of dress and equipage1 was the mother of a thoughtless little rogue4 ,one day1 he seized hold of a demijohn of wine1 which a larger boy had placed upon the side-walk of a secluded alley1 while he joined his companions in play2 the little fellow persisted in striking the demijohn on the pavement1 for his amusement4 ,he was repeatedly warned that he would break the bottle and spill the wine2 and at last this did happen4 ,his mother1 being told of the mischief he had so wantonly done1 immediately paid for the wine1 and ordered him to be undressed and put to bed1 although it was then in the middle of the day4 ,while this operation was performed by the nursery maid1 he said1 #8,betsy1 it is my private opinion1 that ,i should have had a whipping if mother hadn't had her best gown on4'#a ,to return to my subject4--,the necessity of obedience early instilled is the foundation of all good management4 ,if children see you governed by a real wish for their good1 rather than by your own selfishness1 or capricious freaks1 they will easily acquire this excellent habit4 ,wilful disobedience should never go unpunished4 ,if a little child disobeys you from mere forgetfulness and frolic1 it is best to take no notice of it2 for his intention is not bad1 and authority has greater effect when used sparingly1 and on few occasions4 ,should he forget the same injunction again1 look at him very seriously1 and tell him that if he forgets it again1 you shall be obliged to punish him4 ,should he commit the offence the third time1 take from him the means of committing it2 for instance1 if you tell him not to tear his picture-book1 and he does tear it1 take it away from him4 ,perhaps he will pout and show ill humor2--will push off with his little chair1 and say1 #8,i don't love you1 mother4'--,if so1 take no notice4 ,do not laugh1 for that would irritate him1 without performing the least use2 do not seem offended with him1 for that will awaken a love of power in his little mind4 ,it excites very bad feelings in a child to see that he can vex a parent1 and make her lose her self-command4 ,in spite of his displeasure1 therefore1 continue your employment tranquilly1 as if nothing had happened4 ,if his ill humor continue1 however1 and show itself in annoyances to you1 and others around him1 you should take him by the hand1 look very seriously in his face1 and say1 #8,james1 you are such a naughty boy1 that ,i must punish you4 ,i am very sorry to punish you2 but ,i must1 that you may remember to be good next time4' ,this should be done with perfect calmness1 and a look of regret4 ,when a child is punished in anger1 he learns to consider it a species of revenge2 when he is punished in sorrow1 he believes that it is done for his good4 ,the punishment for such peevishness as ,i have mentioned should be being tied in an arm-chair1 or something of that simple nature4 ,i do not approve of shutting the little offender in the closet4 ,the sudden transition from light to darkness affects him with an undefined species of horror1 even if he has been kept perfectly free from frightful stories4 ,a very young child will become quite cold in a few minutes1 at midsummer1 if shut in a dark closet4 ,if the culprit is obstinate1 and tries to seem as if he did not care for his punishment1 let him remain in confinement till he gets very tired2 but in the meanwhile be perfectly calm yourself1 and follow your usual occupations4 ,you can judge by his actions1 and the expression of his countenance1 whether his feelings begin to soften4 ,seize a favorable moment1 and ask him if he is sorry he has been so naughty2 if he says1 #8,yes1' let him throw himself into your arms1 kiss him1 and tell him you hope he will never be naughty again2 for if he is you must punish him1 and it makes you very sorry to punish him4 ,here is the key to all good management3 always punish a child for wilfully disobeying you in the most trifling particular2 but never punish him in anger4 ,i once heard a lady very pertly say1 #8,well1 ,i should be ashamed of myself if ,i could punish a child when ,i was not angry4 ,anybody must be very hard-hearted that can do it4' ,several of her companions laughed at this speech2 but for myself1 ,i saw neither wit nor wisdom in it4 ,the woman who punishes her child because she is angry1 acts from the selfish motive of indulging her own bad passions2 she who punishes because it is necessary for the child's good1 acts from a disinterested regard to his future happiness4 ,as for the kind and degree of punishment1 it should be varied according to the age and character of the child1 and according to the nature of the offence4 ,we must remember that very young children do not know what is right and wrong1 until we explain it to them4 ,a child should not be punished the first time he tears his picture-book1 or cuts his gown4 ,he should be told that it is very naughty1 and that he must not do it again4 ,it is well to show the torn book to his father1 and other members of the family1 saying with a look of concern1 #8,see how ,george has torn his picture-book6 ,what a pity4 ,i am so sorry4' ,this will impress the magnitude of the fault upon his mind1 and he will not be so likely to forget it4 ,but should he make a grieved lip1 and appear distressed at your conversation1 change the current of his feelings by saying1 #8,but ,i am sure he will never do such a naughty thing again4 ,he is sorry for it4' ,having thus impressed his mind1 do not recur to the subject again4 ,the form of punishment should always be as mild as it can be and produce the desired effect4 ,being sent to bed in the middle of the day is a great privation2 and it does not excite bad feelings so much as some other forms of punishment4 ,small children may be tied in an arm-chair1 sent out of the room and forbidden to return1 put to bed without supper1 c4 ,eating dinner separate from the family1 or not being allowed to kiss father and mother1 is a grievous penance to children of sensibility4 ,privation of any expected pleasure usually makes a deep impression4 ,where it is possible1 it is a good plan to make the punishment similar to the offence4 ,if a child is quarrelsome1 or mischievous1 among his companions1 make him play in a room by himself4 ,if he is studying with others1 and chooses to be very disobliging1 or annoying1 send him to another room to study alone2 or1 if this is not convenient1 make him sit at a table by himself1 and allow no one to speak to him during the evening4 ,his offences having been anti-social1 his punishment should be so likewise4 ,being deprived of social intercourse will teach him its value4 ,if a child abuse any good thing1 it is well to take it from him1 and make him feel the want of it4 ,thus if he abuse your confidence1 do not trust him again for some time4 ,but if he is really repentant1 restore it to him2 and when you do trust him1 trust him entirely4 ,allusions to former faults have a disheartening effect1 particularly on sensitive1 affectionate children4 ,above all things1 never suffer a child to be accused of a fault1 until you are perfectly sure he has been guilty of it4 ,if he is innocent1 the idea that you could think him capable of wickedness will distress him1 and will in some degree weaken the strength of his virtue4 ,i would rather lose the ,pitt diamond1 if it were mine1 than let an innocent child know he had been for one moment suspected of stealing it4 ,the conscious dignity of integrity should always be respected4 ,while speaking of punishments1 ,i would suggest one caution4 ,never undertake to make a child do a thing unless you are very sure you can make him do it4 ,one instance of successful resistance to parental authority will undo the effects of a year's obedience4 ,if a boy is too bad to be governed by any other means than flogging1 and is too strong for you1 do not attempt to manage him3 tell his father1 or his guardians1 of his disobedience1 and request them to punish him4 ,fear should on no occasion be used as a preventive1 or a punishment4 ,if children want anything improper for them to have1 do not tell them it will bite them4 ,it is not true2 and the smallest child will soon learn by experience that it is not true4 ,this will teach him to disbelieve you1 when you really do tell the truth1 and will soon make a liar of him4 ,care should be taken not to inspire a terror of animals1 such as beetles1 mice1 spiders1 c4 ,fortunately we have no venomous creatures in ,new-,england1 which are likely to infest the nursery4 ,as for spiders1 they are quite as likely to bite a child who is afraid of them1 as one who is not2 and if such a thing should happen1 a little swelling1 and a few hours' pain1 are not half as bad as fear1 that troubles one all his life long4 ,children would never have fear of animals1 unless it were put into their heads4 ,a little girl of my acquaintance once came running in with a striped snake1 exclaiming #8,oh1 what a beautiful creature ,i have found6' ,her mother acknowledged that she shuddered1 because she had herself been taught to fear snakes2 but she knew the creature would not hurt her daughter1 and she would not allow herself to express any horror2 she merely advised her to set the animal at liberty4 ,not to kill any animal1 seems to me an excess of a good thing4 ,the vermin that infest our houses and gardens must be destroyed1 and children must see them destroyed4 ,but it should always be done with expressed regret1 and as mercifully as possible4 ,the explanation that we kill them to prevent the evil they would do1 is very good1 and very satisfactory4 ,but the fact is1 there are very few creatures in this climate which do us harm2 more than half our aversions to animals are mere prejudices4 ,however1 it is not evils which can be seen1 met1 and understood1 that usually frighten children4 ,a child is told that fire will burn him if he touches it1 and if he has been accustomed to the truth1 he believes it2 but he will stay in the room where there is a fire without fear2 for he knows by experience1 that the fire cannot come to him4 ,but they are frightened with mysterious ideas of something in the dark--with stories of old men prowling about to steal them--rats and mice that will come and bite them1 when they are shut up in the closet1 c4 ,i cannot find language strong enough to express what a woman deserves1 who embitters the whole existence of her offspring by filling their minds with such terrific images4 ,she who can tell a frightful story to her child1 or allow one to be told1 ought to have a guardian appointed over herself4 ,let us examine what the motives must be1 that lead to such measures4 ,it is indolence--pure indolence2 a mother is not willing to take the pains1 and practise the self-denial1 which firm and gentle management requires2 she therefore terrifies her child into obedience4 ,she implants in his mind a principle that will1 in all probability1 make him more or less wretched through his whole life1 merely to save herself a few moments' trouble6 ,very strong minds may overcome1 or nearly overcome1 early impressions of this kind2 but in cases of weak nerves1 or acute natural sensibility1 it is utterly impossible to calculate the extent of the evil4 ,and all this to save a little trouble6 ,what selfishness6 ,however1 ,divine ,providence has so ordered it1 that whatever is wrong1 is really bad policy1 as well as bad morality4 #8,lazy people must take the most pains' in the end4 ,fill your children with fears to make them obedient1 and those very fears become your tyrants4 ,they cannot go into the dark without you2 and you must sit by their bedside till sleep relieves them from terror4 ,all this is the consequence of avoiding a little trouble in the beginning4 ,is it not a dear price for the whistle8 ,the management of children should vary according to their character4 ,a very active mind1 full of restless curiosity1 does not need to be excited2 but a feeble or sluggish character should be aroused1 as much as possible1 by external means4 ,for instance1 if there is any wonderful sight to be seen in the neighborhood1 such as a caravan of animals1 a striking picture1 wonderful mechanism1 c41 and if it be inconvenient for you to take more than one of the children under your care1 let the treat be given to the one whose character most needs to be aroused4 ,of course1 ,i do not mean that lazy children should be entertained1 in preference to industrious ones2 ,i mean where there is a pre-disposition to dulness1 owing to early disease1 an afflicted state of his mother's mind before his birth1 or while nursing him1 c2--in such cases1 the thoughts and affections should be excited with an extraordinary degree of care4 ,a timid child should be encouraged more than a bold and confident one2 and if necessary to punish him1 means should be used as little likely to break his spirit as possible4 ,a boy whose perceptions are slow1 and who learns with labor and difficulty1 should be indulged in reading a new book1 or attending to a new branch of study1 which particularly interests him2 but a boy of quick perceptions1 and ready memory1 should be kept at one thing as long as possible4 ,such different characters are in danger of totally different defects4 ,one is in danger of never getting his mind interested in knowledge1 and the other of getting so much interested in everything1 that he will learn nothing well2 therefore they should be managed in a manner entirely opposite4 ,the same rule holds good with regard to the affections3 cultivate most those faculties and good feelings1 which appear to be of the slowest growth4 ,if a love of power early develope itself in one member of your family with more strength than in the others1 subject that child to more restraint than you do the others4 ,but in checking him1 do not yourself act from a love of power3 explain to him1 at every step1 that you govern him thus strictly1 only to assist him in overcoming a great evil4 ,if you really act from this motive1 your child will perceive it to be true1 and will respect you4 ,there is such an immense variety in human character1 that it is impossible to give rules adapted to all cases4 ,the above hints will explain my general meaning2 and observation and experience will enable a judicious mother to apply them with wisdom and kindness4 ,i will merely add to what ,i have said1 the old proverb1 that #8,an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure4'--,if a child has any evil particularly strong1 it is far better to avoid exciting it1 than to punish it when it is excited4 ,whatever may be the consequences of evil1 it always gains fresh power over us by every instance of indulgence4 ,as much as possible1 keep a young child out of the way of temptation which it is peculiarly hard for him to resist2 and by reading1 by conversation1 by caresses1 make him in love with the opposite good2 when once his feelings are right on the subject1 temptation will do him good instead of harm4 ,when a child is to be punished1 he should always be told calmly1 #8,i am obliged to do this for your good4 ,if ,i do not punish you1 you will not remember next time4 ,you have promised two or three times to do as ,i bade you1 but you always forget it2 now ,i must make you suffer a little1 that you may remember it4' ,a very young child can understand and appreciate this management4 ,i knew a girl of five years old1 who had the habit of biting her nails so close1 that her fingers were perpetually inflamed4 ,her mother had tried arguments1 and various privations1 without producing much effect4 ,one day1 the child1 as usual1 put her fingers to her mouth1 to bite her nails2 but suddenly withdrawing them1 she came up to her mother's writing table1 and said1 #8,mother1 slap my hand smartly with your ruler every time ,i bite my nails1 and then ,i shall remember4' ,her mother did as she was desired1 saying1 #8,i hope you will remember now1 and that ,i shall never have to do this again4' ,the girl winced a little1--for her mother did slap her smartly1 though but a very few times2 but she seemed perfectly satisfied1 and said1 #8,i think that will make me remember it4' ,for several days afterward1 if she moved her fingers to her mouth1 she would look at the writing table and smile2 and if her mother perceived her1 she would hold up her finger in a cautioning manner1 and smile also4 ,all this was done in perfect good-nature on both sides4 ,after a while she forgot herself1 and bit her nails again2 her mother was not in the room2 but she went1 of her own accord1 and avowed the fact1 saying1 #8,mother1 give me a few more slaps than you did before2 and see if that will make me remember it any longer4' ,after that1 she never needed correction for the same fault4 ,this little girl understood the real use of punishment2 she did not look upon it as a sign of anger1 but as a means of helping her to overcome what was wrong4 ,mere fear of suffering never makes people really better4 ,it makes them conceal what is evil1 but it does not make them conquer it4 ,they must be taught to dislike what is wrong merely because it is wrong1 and to look upon punishment as a means to help them to get rid of it4 ,does sickness1 and misery1 and ruin deter the vicious from the commission of sin8 ,is not theft indulged at the very foot of the gallows8 ,if a man do not hate what is wrong1 the mere fear of consequences will never cleanse his heart1 though it may regulate his outward behavior2 and what will mere outward goodness avail him in another world1 where there is no possibility of concealment1 or hypocrisy8 ,what the child is1 the man will probably be2 therefore never make the avoidance of punishment a reason for avoiding sin4 ,having mentioned that a mother slapped her little girl smartly1 ,i shall very naturally be asked if ,i approve of whipping4 ,i certainly do not approve of its very frequent use2 still ,i am not prepared to say that it is not the best punishment for some dispositions1 and in some particular cases4 ,i do not believe that most children1 properly brought up from the very cradle1 would need whipping2 but children are not often thus brought up2 and you may have those placed under your care in whom evil feelings have become very strong4 ,i think whipping should be resorted to only when the same wrong thing has been done over and over again1 and when gentler punishments have failed4 ,a few smart slaps sometimes do good when nothing else will2 but particular care should be taken not to correct in anger4 ,punishments which make a child ashamed should be avoided4 ,a sense of degradation is not healthy for the character4 ,it is a very bad plan for children to be brought into a room before strangers with a foolscap1 or some bad name1 fastened upon them4 ,indeed1 ,i think strangers should have as little as possible to do with the education of children2 to be either praised1 or mortified1 before company1 makes us care too much about the opinion of others4 ,i do not mean to inculcate a defiance of public opinion2 such contempt springs from no good feeling1 and like all wrong things1 is neither becoming1 nor expedient4 ,the approbation of others does make us happy1 and there is no reason why it should not2 but when we do right because people will approve of it1 we begin at the wrong end4 ,if we follow conscientiously what we perceive to be good1 we shall be certain never to be misled2 but if we do what others think right1 we shall follow a very uncertain guide1 and pollute the best of actions with a wrong motive4 ,nay1 worse than all1 we shall gradually lose the perception of what is right2 and if folly and sin are the fashion1 we shall first feel that they are fascinating1 and then begin to reason openly 7when we dare7 that there is no harm in them4 ,nothing is a safe guide but the honest convictions of our own hearts4 ,a good man will always be respected2 but he cannot be really good because he shall be respected for it4 ,indeed those who have been taught no holier motive than that of gaining the good opinion of others1 rarely succeed in permanently keeping what they covet so much4 ,the heart is not right2 and however clean they may try to keep the outside1 at some unlucky moment hypocrisy will fail them1 and their real character will peep through4 ,you may tell a cross1 discontented looking woman that the world would like her face a great deal better1 if it were cheerful and benevolent2 but how is she to alter the expression of her face8 ,the mere selfish wish to be pleasing will not enable her to do it4 ,she must begin with her heart1 and religiously drive from thence all unkind and discontented feelings4 ,what a change would take place in the world if men were always governed by internal principle6 ,if they would make pure the hidden fountain1 the light might shine upon the wandering stream1 and find it clear and stainless in all its windings6 ,i have heard parents say to children1 #8,if you don't get your lessons better1 you will grow up a dunce1 and everybody will laugh at you4' ,the thing to which they are urged is good1 but the motive is wrong4 ,if young people are taught to regulate their actions by a dread of the world's laugh1 they will be full as likely to be deterred from good1 as from evil4 ,it would be much better to say1 #8,if you grow up in ignorance1 you cannot do half as much good in the world1 as you can if you gain all the knowledge in your power4 ,now1 while you are young1 is the best time to fit yourself for being useful4' ,i once heard a boy say1 #8,well1 mother1 ,i got a grand ride to-day4 ,last week ,i told a man one of his wagon wheels was coming off2 and when ,i was walking home from school to-day1 the same man overtook me1 and asked me to get in and ride4 ,you always told me1 if ,i helped others1 they would help me4' ,this is a common case4 ,parents are in the habit of telling children1 #8,if you will be good1 you will lose nothing by it4' ,this is poisoning the act in the motive4 ,it is not true that we always meet a return for kindness and generosity2 they who expect it will be disappointed2 and not being accustomed to act from any better motive1 they will cease to be benevolent1 except when they are sure of reward4 ,we should look for the recompense of goodness in our own hearts2 there we shall certainly find it4 ,the reward is in keeping the commandments1 not for keeping them4 ,children should be induced to kindness by such motives as the following3 #8,god is very good to us1 and ought we not to be so to others8 ,the ,bible tells us to do to others as we would be done by2 and you know very well how pleasant it is when you are in trouble to have other people pity you and help you4 ,when you do good to others1 does it not make you very happy8' ,people sometimes double a boy's lesson because he has not behaved well4 ,this is a very bad plan4 ,if his book is used as a punishment1 how can you expect him to love it8 ,for the same reason1 never tell a child he shall stay at home from school if he is good2 this gives him the idea that going to school is a task4 ,on the contrary1 make all his associations with school as pleasant as possible4 ,speak of the kindness of the instructer in taking so much pains to teach him2 encourage him in telling you about what he has learned2 show pleasure at the progress he makes2 and tell him how useful he will be when he is a man1 if he continues so industrious and persevering4 ,never offer money as a reward for doing right4 ,money and praise become necessary if once habituated to them2 so much so1 that it is impossible to act without some selfish excitement4 ,money is the worst stimulus of the two2 for avarice is more contemptible and injurious in its effects than a too earnest desire for the good opinion of others4 ,at the same time guard against wastefulness and prodigality4 ,teach children to be very economical--never to cut up good pieces of calico1 or paper1 for no purpose--never to tear old picture-books1 destroy old playthings1 burn twine1 or spend every cent they receive for cake and sugar-plums4 ,but as a reason for not destroying1 tell them these things will come in use4 ,encourage them in laying up money to buy an orange for a sick neighbor1 a pair of shoes for a poor boy1 or a present to surprise his sister on her birth-day--anything1--no matter what1--that is not for himself alone4 ,he will thus learn the value of money1 without becoming selfish4 ,to avoid the danger of engrafting avarice upon habits of care1 earnestly encourage children to be generous in giving and lending to each other2 and show peculiar delight when they voluntarily share anything of which they are particularly fond4 ,if a child has in any way acquired a tendency to parsimony1 take extraordinary pains to make him feel happy when he has been generous4 ,praise him even more than you would think safe under any other circumstances2 for it is always prudent to assist a child most in those points where he is the weakest4 ,to be sure1 your approbation is not the best motive he might have2 but it is better than the hope of public applause2 and moreover it is the best motive from which he can act1 until he gets rid of his bad habit4 ,help him to overcome the obstacle which habit has thrown in his way1 and he will gradually learn to love generosity for its own sake4 ,habits of carelessness1 such as leaving things lying about1 blotting books1 reciting in a jumbled manner1 or jumping hastily at incorrect conclusions1 c41 should be resolutely and promptly checked4 ,defects of this sort are the origin of numerous evils4 ,many a failure in business1 many a disordered household1 may be traced to the indulgence of these habits in early life4 ,i speak feelingly on this subject2 for years of self-education have hardly yet enabled me to cure the evil4 ,i have made mistakes both in conversation and writing1 concerning things which ,i knew perfectly well1 merely from an early habit of heedlessness4 ,it is has cost me much mortification and many tears2 punishments which certainly have improved my habits1 and may in time cure them4 ,no single instance of carelessness should be overlooked4 ,if a little girl cannot find her gloves1 or her bonnet1 when you are about to take a walk1 oblige her to stay at home4 ,let no tears and entreaties induce you to excuse it4 ,i dare say1 it may sometimes be painful to you to pursue this course2 but for your child's sake1 have resolution enough to do it4 ,if a boy loses his book1 and cannot therefore get his lesson at the usual time1 see that he is deprived of his play-hours in order to learn it4 ,if he habitually forgets his book1 send him back to the school-house for it1 even if it be cold weather1 and a great distance4 ,if a girl is always losing her thimble1 do not lend her one2 let her hurt her finger a little by sewing without one4 ,these small cruelties in the beginning will save a great deal of future suffering4 ,in order to leave no excuse for carelessness1 children should be provided with a proper place for everything1 and taught always to put it there1 as soon as they have done using it4 ,perhaps there is no evil into which children so easily and so universally fall as that of lying4 ,the temptation to it is strong1 and therefore the encouragement to veracity should be proportionably strong4 ,if a child breaks anything and honestly avows it1 do not be angry with him4 ,if candor procures a scolding1 besides the strong effort it naturally costs1 depend upon it1 he will soon be discouraged4 ,in such cases1 do not speak till you can control yourself--say1',i am glad you told me4 ,it was a very valuable article1 and ,i am truly sorry it is broken2 but it would have grieved me much more to have had my son deceive me4' ,and having said this1 do not reproachfully allude to the accident afterward4 ,i was about to say that children should never be punished for what was honestly avowed2 but perhaps there may be some cases where they will do again and again what they know to be wrong1 from the idea that an avowal will excuse them2 in this case1 they tell the truth from policy1 not from conscience2 and they should be reasoned with1 and punished4 ,however1 it is the safe side to forgive a good deal1 rather than run any risk of fostering habits of deception4 ,should you at any time discover your child in a lie1 treat it with great solemnity4 ,let him see that it grieves you1 and strikes you with horror1 as the worst of all possible faults4 ,do not restore him to your confidence and affection1 until you see his heart is really touched by repentance4 ,if falsehood becomes a habit with him1 do not tempt him to make up stories1 by asking him to detail all the circumstances connected with the affair he has denied4 ,listen coldly to what he says1 and let him see by your manner1 that you do not ask him questions1 because you have not the least confidence in his telling the truth4 ,but remember to encourage1 as well as discourage4 ,impress upon his mind that ,god will help him to get rid of the evil whenever he really wishes to get rid of it2 and that every temptation he overcomes will make the next one more easy4 ,receive any evidence of his truth and integrity with delight and affection2 let him see that your heart is full of joy that he has gained one victory over so great a fault4 ,let your family never hear trifling deceptions glossed over by any excuses2 speak of them with unlimited abhorrence and contempt4 ,above all things1 let your own habits be of the strictest truth4 ,examine closely6 ,you will be surprised to find in how many little things we all act insincerely4 ,i have at this moment in my memory a friend1 who probably would be very indignant to be told she did not speak the truth2 and ,i dare say1 on all that she deemed important occasions1 she might be relied on2 yet she did deceive her children4 ,true1 she thought it was for their good2 but that was a mistake of hers2 deception never produces good4 ,i one evening saw her remove a plate of plum-cake from the tea-table to the closet4 ,her youngest daughter asked for a piece2 the reply was1 #8,it is all gone4--,puss came and ate it up2' at the same time the mother winked to a little girl1 two or three years older1 not to tell that she had seen her put it in the closet4 ,there is an old proverb about killing two birds with one stone--here two daughters were injured by one lie4 ,the youngest was deceived1 and the oldest was taught to participate in the deception4 ,mere experience would soon teach the little girl that the cat did not eat the cake2 and having found that her mother would lie1 she would in all probability dispute her even when she spoke the truth4 ,and after all1 what use is there in resorting to such degrading expedients8 ,why not tell the child1 #8,the plum-cake is in the closet2 but it is not good for you at night1 and ,i shall not give you a piece until morning8' ,if she had been properly educated1 this would have satisfied her2 and if she chose to be troublesome1 being put to bed without her supper would teach her a lesson for the future4 ,a respect for the property of others must be taught children2 for until they are instructed1 they have very loose ideas upon the subject4 ,a family of children cannot be too much urged and encouraged to be generous in lending and giving to each other2 but they should be taught a scrupulous regard for each other's property4 ,they should never use each other's things1 without first asking1 #8,brother1 may ,i have your sled8' #8,sister1 may ,i have your book8' c4 ,they should be taught to put them carefully in place1 when they have done using them2 and should be impressed with the idea that it is a greater fault to injure another's property1 than to be careless of our own4 ,if any little barter has been made1 and a dispute afterwards arises1 hear both sides with perfect impartiality1 and allow no departure from what was promised in the bargain4 ,from such little things as these1 children receive their first ideas of honesty and justice4 ,some children1 from errors in early management1 get possessed with the idea that they may have everything4 ,they even tease for things it would be impossible to give them4 ,a child properly managed will seldom ask twice for what you have once told him he should not have4 ,but if you have the care of one who has acquired this habit1 the best way to cure him of it is never to give him what he asks for1 whether his request is proper or not2 but at the same time be careful to give him such things as he likes1 7provided they are proper for him17 when he does not ask for them4 ,this will soon break him of the habit of teasing4 ,i have said much in praise of gentleness4 ,i cannot say too much4 ,its effects are beyond calculation1 both on the affections and the understanding4 ,the victims of oppression and abuse are generally stupid1 as well as selfish and hard-hearted4 ,how can we wonder at it8 ,they are all the time excited to evil passions1 and nobody encourages what is good in them4 ,we might as well expect flowers to grow amid the cold and storms of winter4 ,but gentleness1 important as it is1 is not all that is required in education4 ,there should be united with it firmness--great firmness4 ,commands should be reasonable1 and given in perfect kindness2 but once given1 it should be known that they must be obeyed4 ,i heard a lady once say1 #8,for my part1 ,i cannot be so very strict with my children4 ,i love them too much to punish them every time they disobey me4' ,i will relate a scene which took place in her family4 ,she had but one domestic1 and at the time to which ,i allude1 she was very busy preparing for company4 ,her children knew by experience that when she was in a hurry she would indulge them in anything for the sake of having them out of the way4 ,george began1 #8,mother1 ,i want a piece of mince-pie4' ,the answer was1 #8,it is nearly bed-time2 and mince-pie will hurt you4 ,you shall have a piece of cake1 if you will sit down and be still4' ,the boy ate his cake2 and liking the system of being hired to sit still1 he soon began again1 #8,mother1 ,i want a piece of mince-pie4' ,the old answer was repeated4 ,the child stood his ground1 #8,mother1 ,i want a piece of mince-pie--,i want a piece--,i want a piece1' was repeated incessantly4 #8,will you leave off teasing1 if ,i give you a piece8' #8,yes1 ,i will1--certain true4' ,a small piece was given1 and soon devoured4 ,with his mouth half full1 he began again1 #8,i want another piece--,i want another piece4' #8,no1 ,george2 ,i shall not give you another mouthful4 ,go sit down1 you naughty boy4 ,you always act the worst when ,i am going to have company4' ,george continued his teasing2 and at last said1 #8,if you don't give me another piece1 ,i'll roar4' ,this threat not being attended to1 he kept his word4 ,upon this1 the mother seized him by the shoulder1 shook him angrily1 saying1 #8,hold your tongue1 you naughty boy6' #8,i will if you will give me another piece of pie1' said he4 ,another small piece was given him1 after he had promised that he certainly would not tease any more4 ,as soon as he had eaten it1 he1 of course1 began again2 and with the additional threat1 #8,if you don't give me a piece1 ,i will roar after the company comes1 so loud that they can all hear me4' ,the end of all this was1 that the boy had a sound whipping1 was put to bed1 and could not sleep all night1 because the mince-pie made his stomach ache4 ,what an accumulation of evils in this little scene6 ,his health injured1--his promises broken with impunity1--his mother's promises broken1--the knowledge gained that he could always vex her when she was in a hurry1--and that he could gain what he would by teasing4 ,he always acted upon the same plan afterward2 for he only once in a while 7when he made his mother very angry7 got a whipping2 but he was always sure to obtain what he asked for1 if he teased her long enough4 ,his mother told him the plain truth1 when she said the mince-pie would hurt him2 but he did not know whether it was the truth1 or whether she only said it to put him off2 for he knew that she did sometimes deceive4 7,she was the woman who said the cat had eaten the cake47 ,when she gave him the pie1 he had reason to suppose it was not true it would hurt him--else why should a kind mother give it to her child8 ,had she told him that if he asked a second time1 she should put him to bed directly--and had she kept her promise1 in spite of entreaties1--she would have saved him a whipping1 and herself a great deal of unnecessary trouble4 ,and who can calculate all the whippings1 and all the trouble1 she would have spared herself and him8 ,i do not remember ever being in her house half a day without witnessing some scene of contention with the children4 ,now let me introduce you to another acquaintance4 ,she was in precisely the same situation1 having a comfortable income and one domestic2 but her children were much more numerous1 and she had had very limited advantages for education4 ,yet she managed her family better than any woman ,i ever saw1 or ever expect to see again4 ,i will relate a scene ,i witnessed there1 by way of contrast to the one ,i have just described4 ,myself and several friends once entered her parlor unexpectedly1 just as the family were seated at the supper-table4 ,a little girl1 about four years old1 was obliged to be removed1 to make room for us4 ,her mother assured her she should have her supper in a very little while1 if she was a good girl4 ,the child cried2 and the guests insisted that room should be made for her at table4 #8,no1' said the mother2 #8,i have told her she must wait2 and if she cries1 ,i shall be obliged to send her to bed4 ,if she is a good little girl1 she shall have her supper directly4' ,the child could not make up her mind to obey2 and her mother led her out of the room1 and gave orders that she should be put to bed without supper4 ,when my friend returned1 her husband said1 #8,hannah1 that was a hard case4 ,the poor child lost her supper1 and was agitated by the presence of strangers4 ,i could hardly keep from taking her on my knee1 and giving her some supper4 ,poor little thing6 ,but ,i never will interfere with your management2 and much as it went against my feelings1 ,i entirely approve of what you have done4' #8,it cost me a struggle1' replied his wife2 #8but ,i know it is for the good of the child to be taught that ,i mean exactly what ,i say4' ,this family was the most harmonious1 affectionate1 happy family ,i ever knew4 ,the children were managed as easily as a flock of lambs4 ,after a few unsuccessful attempts at disobedience1 when very young1 they give it up entirely2 and always cheerfully acted from the conviction that their mother knew best4 ,this family was governed with great strictness2 firmness was united with gentleness4 ,the indulgent mother1 who said she loved her children too much to punish them1 was actually obliged to punish them ten times as much as the strict mother did4 ,the husband's remark leads me to say something of the great importance of a perfect union between husband and wife4 ,a want of this in education is like mildew in spring4 ,a mother should never object to a father's punishing a child when he thinks proper2 at least she should not do it before the child4 ,suggestions to each other may1 of course1 be made in all the freedom of mutual respect and affection4 ,one parent should never allow a child to do what the other has forbidden2 no expression of disapprobation concerning management should ever be made by either party1 except when alone4 ,a young child ought never to suspect it is possible for his parents to think differently concerning what relates to his education4 ,perhaps you will ask1 if1 after all ,i have said in praise of truth1 ,i approve of concealment and deception in this particular4 ,but you will please to recollect it is not truth which ,i advise to have concealed in this instance2 it is only a difference of opinion4 ,the child1 not being old enough to understand the reasons why his parents differ1 cannot receive any good from the discussion4 ,implicit obedience is the first law of childhood4 ,the simple belief that their parents know what is best1 is all the light children have to follow1 at first4 ,if they see their parents do not agree between themselves as to what is right1 it naturally weakens their confidence1 and makes them uncertain which they ought to obey4 #8,my dear1 ,i don't approve of your management'--or1 #8,i should not have allowed him to do as you have done'--or1 #8,your father may approve of it1 but ,i don't'--are very improper and injurious expressions4 ,if you differ in your ideas of education1 take a proper opportunity to discuss the matter in freedom and kindness2 but do not weaken the respect of your children by expressing doubts of each other's good judgment in their presence4 ,it is hardly possible to exaggerate the bad effects of discord between parents2 and the blessed influence of domestic union may well be compared to a band of guardian angels protecting innocence from all evil things4 ,if your marriage has been an unfortunate one--if the influence of a father may not be trusted--or if he delights in thwarting your well-meant endeavors--,i know not what to say4 ,if patience1 humility and love cannot win him to a sense of duty1 the only thing you can do1 is to redouble your vigilance for the good of your children1 and as far as possible withdraw them from his influence4 ,until it becomes an imperious duty1 never speak of a parent's errors2 unless there is great danger of their being imitated1 let a thick veil rest upon them4 ,but why should ,i dwell upon a case so unnatural1 so wretched1 and so hopeless8 ,if such be your unhappy lot1 pray to ,god1 and he will give you light to make the path of duty clear before you4 ,he alone can help you4 ,,footnotes3 #a ,it is but justice to this boy to state2 that he was prompt in confessing his fault1 and eager to atone for it4 ,,chap4 ,v4 ,,playthings4--,,amusements4--,,employme nts4 ,in infancy1 the principal object is to find such toys as are at once attractive and safe4 ,during the painful process of teething1 a large ivory ring1 or a dollar worn smooth1 are good1 on account of the ease they give the gums2 they should be fastened to a string--but not a green one1 or any other from which a babe can suck the colors4 ,some people think nothing so good for teething children as a large1 round piece of ,india rubber1 from which it is impossible to bite a piece4 ,painted toys are not wholesome at this age1 when children are so prone to convey everything to the mouth4 ,a bunch of keys is a favorite plaything with babies4 ,indeed anything they can move about1 and cause to produce a noise1 is pleasant to them4 ,i have seen infants amuse themselves1 for hours1 with a string of very large wooden beads1 or shining buttons2 perhaps it is needless to say that no buttons but steel1 wood1 or ivory1 are safe2 if they have any portion of brass about them1 they are injurious3 another caution1 perhaps equally unnecessary1 is1 that playthings small enough to be swallowed should be tied together with a very strong string1 from which no color can be extracted4 ,when children are a few months older1 blocks of wood1 which can be heaped up and knocked down at pleasure1 become favorite playthings4 ,a pack of old cards are perhaps liked still better1 on account of their bright colors and pictured faces4 ,such toys are a great deal better than expensive ones4 ,i do not think it a good plan to give children old almanacs1 pamphlets1 c41 to tear up4 ,how can they distinguish between the value of one book and another8 ,children1 who have been allowed to tear worthless books1 may tear good ones1 without the least idea that they are doing any harm4 ,as soon as it is possible to convey instruction by toys1 it is well to choose such as will be useful4 ,the letters of the alphabet on pieces of bone are excellent for this purpose4 ,i have known a child of six years old teach a baby-brother to read quite well1 merely by playing with his ivory letters4 ,in all that relates to developing the intellect1 very young children should not be hurried or made to attend unwillingly4 ,when they are playing with their letters1 and you are at leisure1 take pains to tell them the name of each one1 as often as they ask2 but do not urge them4 ,no matter if it takes them three weeks to learn one letter2 they will not want their knowledge in a hurry4 ,when the large letters are learned1 give them the small ones4 ,when both are mastered1 place the letters together in some small word1 such as ,,cat2 point to the letters1 name them1 and pronounce cat distinctly4 ,after a few lessons1 the child will know what letters to place together in order to spell cat4 ,do not try to teach him a new word1 until he is perfectly master of the old one2 and do not try to force his attention to his letters1 when he is weary1 fretful and sleepy1 or impatient to be doing something else4 ,in this1 as indeed in all other respects1 an infant's progress is abundantly more rapid1 if taught by a brother1 or sister1 nearly of his own age4 ,the reason is1 their little minds are in much the same state as their pupil's2 they are therefore less liable than ourselves to miscalculate his strength1 or force him beyond his speed4 ,among instructive toys may be ranked balls arranged together so as to be counted4 ,every step of infantile progress should be encouraged by expressions of surprise and pleasure4 ,when a child is able to spell a new word1 or count a new number1 kiss him1 and show delight at his improvement4 ,sir ,benjamin ,west relates that his mother kissed him eagerly1 when he showed her a likeness he had sketched of his baby-sister2 and he adds1 #8,that kiss made me a painter6' ,i have before shown that the same rule applies to the affections--that it is better to encourage what is right1 than to punish what is wrong4 ,nothing strengthens a child in goodness1 or enables him to overcome a fault1 so much as seeing his efforts excite a sudden and earnest expression of love and joy4 ,for children of two or three years old1 pictures are great sources of amusement and instruction4 ,engravings of animals on large cards are very good things4 ,it is a great object to have proportion observed2 if a child have a very small picture of an elephant1 and a very large one of a mouse1 it will lead him to the conclusion that a mouse is as large as an elephant4 ,children should be encouraged in talking about the engravings they look at2 and the different parts should be pointed out and explained to them4 ,thus if a palm-tree is placed near the picture of an elephant1 the attention should be drawn to it1 and it should be explained to them that it is not the picture of any tree in this country1 7that is1 in ,new ,england17 but that in ,asia and ,africa1 where elephants live1 palm-trees are very common4 ,if a child is old enough to understand it1 some account of this useful tree may be given advantageously2 he can be told that it yields palm-oil1 palm-wine1 that its leaves are manufactured into fans1 c4 ,but if he is not old enough to feel interested in such an account1 do not trouble him with it4 ,the object of pointing out all the details of an engraving1 and explaining them1 when they differ from what he is accustomed to see1 is merely to give habits of observation1 and arouse a spirit of inquiry4 ,i think it is very important that disproportioned1 badly drawn pictures should not be placed in the hands of children4 ,no matter how coarse or common they are1 but let them be correct imitations of nature2 if they are graceful1 as well as correct1 so much the better4 ,good taste is of less consequence than good feelings1 good principles1 and good sense2 but it certainly is of consequence1 and should not uselessly be perverted or destroyed4 ,i believe the sort of pictures children are accustomed to see have an important effect in forming their taste4 ,the very beggar-boys of ,italy will observe a defect in the proportions of a statue1 or a picture2 and the reason is1 that fine sculpture and paintings are in their churches1 and about their streets4 ,playthings that children make for themselves are a great deal better than those which are bought for them4 ,they employ them a much longer time1 they exercise ingenuity1 and they really please them more4 ,a little girl had better fashion her cups and saucers of acorns1 than to have a set of earthen ones supplied4 ,a boy takes ten times more pleasure in a little wooden sled he has pegged together1 than he would in a painted and gilded carriage brought from the toy-shop2 and ,i do not believe any expensive rocking-horse ever gave so much satisfaction1 as ,i have seen a child in the country take with a long-necked squash1 which he had bridled and placed on four sticks4 ,there is a peculiar satisfaction in inventing things for one's self4 ,no matter if the construction be clumsy and awkward2 it employs time 7which is a great object in childhood71 and the pleasure the invention gives is the first impulse to ingenuity and skill4 ,for this reason1 the making of little boats1 and mechanical toys1 should not be discouraged2 and when any difficulty occurs above the powers of a child1 assistance should be cheerfully given4 ,if the parents are able to explain the principles on which machines are constructed1 the advantage will be tenfold4 ,cutting figures in paper is a harmless and useful amusement for those who are old enough to be trusted with scissors2 which1 by the way1 should always be blunt-pointed1 when placed in the hands of a very young child4 ,any glaring disproportion in the figures should be explained to a child1 and he should be encouraged to make his little imitations as much like nature as possible4 ,there is at present a little boy in ,boston1 who at two years old took a great fancy to cutting figures in paper4 ,in the course of six or eight years1 he actually wore out five or six pairs of scissors in the service4 ,he cuts with astonishing rapidity1 and apparently without any thought2 yet he will produce little landscapes1 or groups1 as beautiful and spirited as the best engravings4 ,at first he began by copying things he had before him2 but he afterward attained to so much skill1 that he easily invented his own designs4 ,this talent has enabled him to do a great deal for the support of his parents1 who are not rich4 ,drawing figures on a slate is a favorite amusement with children2 and it may prove a very useful one1 if pains are taken to point out errors1 and induce them to make correct imitations4 ,young people should be taught that it is not well to be careless in doing even the most trifling things--that whatever is worthy of being done at all1 is worthy of being well done4 ,some distinguished writers on education have objected to dolls1 as playthings which lead to a love of dress and finery4 ,i do not consider them in this light4 ,if a mother's influence does not foster a love of finery1 ,i think there is very little danger of its being produced by dressing dolls4 ,i like these toys for various reasons4 ,they afford a quiet amusement2 they exercise ingenuity in cutting garments1 and neatness in sewing2 they can be played with in a prodigious variety of ways2 and so far as they exercise the affections1 their influence is innocent and pleasant4 ,no doubt dolls sometimes excite very strong affection4 ,miss ,hamilton tells of a little girl1 who had a limb amputated at the hospital4 ,she bore the operation with great fortitude1 hugging her doll in her arms all the time4 ,when it was completed1 the surgeon playfully said1 #8,now let me cut off your doll's leg4' ,this speech produced a torrent of tears1 and the little creature could hardly be pacified4 ,she had borne her own sufferings patiently1 but she could not endure that her doll should be hurt4 ,i know that this tenderness for inanimate things is not the best employment for the affections2 but so far as it goes1 it is good4 ,for the same reason1 and in a similar degree1 ,i think pet animals have a good effect2 but care should be taken to choose such as are happy in a domesticated state4 ,i cannot think it is right to keep creatures1 that must be confined in cages and boxes2 no pleasure can be good1 which is so entirely selfish4 ,it is a benefit to children to have the care of feeding animals1 such as lambs1 chickens1 c4 ,it answers two good purposes--it excites kindness1 and a love of usefulness4 ,amusements and employments which lead to exercise in the open air have greatly the advantage of all others4 ,in this respect1 ,i would make no difference between the management of boys and girls4 ,gardening1 sliding1 skating1 and snow-balling1 are all as good for girls as for boys4 ,are not health and cheerful spirits as necessary for one as the other8 ,it is a universal remark that ,american women are less vigorous and rosy1 than women of other climates2 and that they are peculiarly subject to disorders of the chest and the spine4 ,i believe the sole reason of this is1 that our employments and amusements lead us so little into the open air4 ,i am aware that many people object to such plays as ,i have recommended to girls1 from the idea that they will make them rude and noisy4 ,i do not believe this would be the case if the influences within doors favored gentleness and politeness2 and even if there were any danger of this sort1 how much easier it is to acquire elegance in after life1 than it is to regain health6 ,when it is considered what a loss of usefulness1 as well as comfort1 is attendant upon ill health1 ,i think all will agree that a vigorous constitution is the greatest of earthly blessings4 ,when ,i say that skating and sliding are proper amusements for girls1 ,i do not1 of course1 mean that they should mix in a public crowd4 ,such sports1 when girls unite in them1 should be confined to the inmates of the house1 and away from all possibility of contact with the rude and vicious4 ,under these circumstances1 a girl's manners cannot be injured by such wholesome recreations4 ,to snow-ball1 or slide1 with well-behaved brothers every day1 cannot1 ,i am sure1 tend to make a girl rude and boisterous4 ,i know one very striking instance of the truth of what ,i assert2 and no doubt the memory of my readers will supply similar proofs4 ,mrs4 ,john ,adams1 wife of the second ,president of the ,united ,states1 and mother of the sixth1 was very remarkable for the elegance and dignity of her manners4 ,even amid the splendor of foreign courts1 she was considered a distinguished ornament4 ,yet ,mrs4 ,adams had not been brought up in petted indolence1 or shut from the sun and air1 for fear of injury to her beauty1 or her gracefulness4 ,she was a capable1 active1 and observing woman2 and while she was the admiration of ,european courts1 she knew how to make butter and cheese as well as any woman in ,weymouth1 which was her native place4 ,in the latter part of her life1 she was one day passing the home of her childhood1 in company with an intimate friend2 she paused1 and looked at a long lane near the house1 saying in an animated tone1 #8,oh1 how many hours and hours ,i have driven hoop up and down that lane6' ,as might be expected1 ,mrs4 ,adams enjoyed a hale and happy old age4 ,among the other good effects of her example1 she has left a practical lesson to her country-women1 that refined elegance is perfectly compatible with driving hoop in the open air4 ,i cannot pass over the subject of amusements1 without saying something in relation to children's balls and parties4 ,i do not believe human ingenuity ever invented any thing worse for the health1 heart1 or happiness--any thing at once so poisonous to body and soul4 ,i do not1 of course1 refer to a social intercourse between the children of different families--that should be encouraged4 ,i mean regular parties1 in imitation of high-life--where children eat confectionary1 stay late1 dress in finery1 talk nonsense1 and affect what they do not feel--just as their elders in the fashionable world do4 ,it is a heart-sickening sight to see innocent creatures thus early trained to vanity and affectation4 ,in mercy to your children1 trust not their purity and peace in such a sickly and corrupting atmosphere4 #8,who was your beau last night8' said a girl of eight years old to another of ten4 #8,i danced twice with ,george ,wells1' was the reply4 #8,did you wear your pink sash1 or your blue one8' ,i could have wept in very pity for the guileless young creatures1 into whose cup of life poison had been so early poured6 ,i speak the more earnestly on this subject1 because it has become so general a habit with all classes of people to indulge children in balls and parties4 ,as for dancing1 within and of itself1 ,i see no objection to it4 ,it is a healthy1 innocent1 and graceful recreation4 ,the vanity and dissipation1 of which it has usually been the accompaniment1 have brought it into disrepute with the conscientious4 ,but if dancing be made to serve the purpose1 which all accomplishments should serve1--that of ministering to the pleasure of father1 mother1 brothers1 sisters and friends1--it is certainly innocent and becoming4 ,i do not mean to imply that it is wrong to dance anywhere else but at home4--,i simply mean that girls should not learn an accomplishment for the purpose of display among strangers4 ,let them learn anything which your income allows 7without a diminution of comfort or benevolence7--but teach them to acquire it as a means of future usefulness1 as a pleasant resource1 or for the sake of making home agreeable--not with the hope of exciting admiration abroad4 ,it is very important1 and very difficult1 to furnish young children with sufficient employment4 ,what we call a natural love of mischief1 is in fact nothing but activity4 ,children are restless for employment2 they must have something to do2 and if they are not furnished with what is useful or innocent1 they will do mischief4 ,no one who has not lived with a family of children can conceive how very difficult it is to keep a child of five or six years old employed4 ,it is a good plan to teach little girls to knit1 to weave bobbin1 watchguards1 chains1 c4 ,making patchwork is likewise a quiet amusement2 and if a child be taught to fit it herself1 it may be made really useful4 ,if the corners are not fitted exactly1 or the sewing done neatly1 it should be taken to pieces and fitted again2 for it is by inattention to these little things that habits of carelessness are formed4 ,on no occasion whatever should a child be excused from finishing what she has begun4 ,the custom of having half a dozen things on hand at once1 should not be tolerated4 ,everything should be finished1 and well finished4 ,it ought to be considered a disgrace to give up anything1 after it is once undertaken4 ,habits of perseverance are of incalculable importance2 and a parent should earnestly improve the most trifling opportunities of impressing this truth4 ,even in so small a thing as untying a knot1 a boy should be taught to think it unmanly to be either impatient or discouraged4 ,always encourage a child in fitting her own work1 and arranging her own playthings4 ,few things are more valuable1 in this changing world1 than the power of taking care of ourselves4 ,it is a useful thing for children to make a little shirt exactly after the model of a large one1 fitting all the parts themselves1 after you have furnished them with a model of each part in paper4 ,knitting may be learned still earlier than sewing4 ,i am sorry to see this old fashioned accomplishment so universally discarded4 ,it is a great resource to the aged2 and women1 in all situations of life1 have so many lonely hours1 that they cannot provide themselves with too many resources in youth4 ,for this reason ,i would indulge girls in learning anything that did not interfere with their duties1 provided ,i could afford it as well as not2 such as all kinds of ornamental work1 boxes1 baskets1 purses1 c4 ,every new acquirement1 however trifling1 is an additional resource against poverty and depression of spirits4 ,the disposition to help others should be cherished as much as possible4 ,even very little children are happy when they think they are useful4 #8,i can do some good1 can't ,i1 mother8' is one of the first questions asked4 ,to encourage this spirit1 indulge children in assisting you1 even when their exertions are full as much trouble as profit4 ,let them go out with their little basket1 to weed the garden1 to pick peas for dinner1 to feed the chickens1 c4 ,it is true they will at first need constant overseeing1 to prevent them from pulling up flowers as well as weeds2 but then it employs them innocently1 and makes them happy2 and if dealt gently with1 they soon learn to avoid mistakes4 ,in the house1 various things may be found to employ children4 ,they may dust the chairs1 and wipe the spoons1 and teach a younger brother his lessons1 c4 ,as far as possible keep children always employed--either sewing1 or knitting1 or reading1 or playing1 or studying1 or walking4 ,do not let them form habits of listlessness and lounging4 ,if they endeavor to assist you1 and do mischief while they are really trying to do their best1 do not scold at them2 merely explain to them how they should have gone to work1 and give them a lesson of carefulness in future4 ,as girls grow older1 they should be taught to take the entire care of their own clothes1 and of all the light and easy work necessary in their own apartments4 ,i have said less about boys1 because it is not so difficult to find employment for them as for girls4 ,the same general rules apply to both4 ,boys should be allowed to assist others1 when they possibly can1 and should be encouraged in all sorts of ingenious experiments not absolutely mischievous4 ,in general it is a good rule to learn whatever we can1 without interfering with our duties4 ,my grand-mother used to say1 #8,lay by all scraps and fragments1 and they will be sure to come in use in seven years4' ,i would make the same remark with regard to scraps and fragments of knowledge4 ,it is impossible for us to foresee in youth1 what will be the circumstances of our after life2 the kind of information1 which at one period seems likely to be of very little use to us1 may become very important4 ,if ,i happened to be thrown into the society of those who excelled in any particular branch1 ,i would gain all the information ,i could1 without being obtrusive4 ,no matter whether it be poetry1 or puddings1--making shoes1 or making music1--riding a horse1 or rearing a grape-vine2--it is well to learn whatever comes in one's way1 provided it does not interfere with the regular discharge of duty4 ,it was a maxim with the great ,sir ,william ,jones1 #8never to lose an opportunity of learning anything4' ,,chap4 ,,vi4 ,,the ,,sabbath4--,,religion4 ,it is a great misfortune for people to imbibe1 in the days of childhood1 a dislike of the ,sabbath1 or a want of reverence for its sacred character4 ,some parents1 from a conscientious wish to have the ,sabbath kept holy1 restrain children in the most natural and innocent expressions of gayety--if they laugh1 or jump1 or touch their play-things1 they are told that it is wicked to do so1 because it is ,sunday4--,the result of this excessive strictness is that the day becomes hateful to them4 ,they learn to consider it a period of gloom and privation2 and the ,bible and the church become distasteful1 because they are associated with it4 ,a little girl of my acquaintance1 in the innocence of her heart1 once made an exclamation1 which showed what she really thought of ,sunday4 ,she had long been very anxious to go to the theatre2 and when she was about six or seven years old1 her wish was very injudiciously gratified4 ,the after-piece happened to be ,der ,freyschutz1 a horrible ,german play1 in which wizards1 devils1 and flames are the principal agents4 ,the child's terror increased until her loud sobs made it necessary to carry her home4 #8,what is the matter with my darling8 asked her grandmother--,don't she love to go to the theatre8' #8,oh1 grandmother6' exclaimed the sobbing child1 #8it is a great deal worse than going to meeting6' ,my motive in mentioning this anecdote will not1 of course1 be misunderstood4 ,nothing is farther from my intentions than to throw ridicule upon any place of worship4 ,it is merely introduced to show that ,sunday was so unpleasantly associated in the child's mind1 as to make her involuntarily compare it with anything disagreeable or painful2 being restrained at home every moment of the day1 made the necessary restraint at church irksome to her2 whereas with proper management it might have been a pleasant variety4 ,some parents1 on the other hand1 go to the opposite extreme2 and from the fear of making the ,sabbath gloomy1 they make no distinction between that and other days4 ,this is the more dangerous extreme of the two4 ,a reverence for the ,sabbath1 even if it be a mere matter of habit1 and felt to be a restraint1 is very much better than no feeling at all upon the subject4 ,but it appears to me that a medium between the two extremes is both easy and expedient4 ,children under five or six years old cannot sit still and read all day2 and being impossible1 it should not be required of them4 ,they may be made to look on a book1 but they cannot be made to feel interested in it1 hour after hour4 ,childhood is so restless1 so active1 and so gay1 that such requirements will be felt and resisted as a state of bondage4 ,moreover1 if a child is compelled to keep his eyes on a book1 when he does not want to read1 it will early give the impression that mere outward observances constitute religion4 ,it is so much easier to perform external ceremonies than it is to drive away evil feelings from our hearts1 that mankind in all ages have been prone to trust in them4 ,they who think they are religious merely because they attend church regularly1 and read a chapter in the ,bible periodically1 labor precisely under the same mistake as the ,mahometan1 who expects to save his soul1 by travelling barefoot to ,mecca1 or the ,east ,indian ,fakir1 who hangs with his head downward several hours each day1 in order to prove his sanctity4 ,there is no real religion that does not come from the heart2 outward observances are worth nothing except they spring from inward feeling4 ,in all ages and countries we find men willing to endure every species of privation and suffering1 nay1 even death itself1 for the sake of going to heaven2 but very few are willing that the ,lord should purify their hearts from selfish feelings4 ,like the leper of old they are willing to do some great thing1 but they will not obey the simple injunction to #8wash and be clean4' ,this tendency to trust in what is outward is so strong in human nature that great care should be taken not to strengthen it by education4 ,children should always be taught to judge whether their actions are right1 by the motives which induced the actions4 ,religion should be made as pleasant as possible to their feelings1 and all particular rules and prohibitions should be avoided4 ,quiet is the first idea which a young child can receive of the ,sabbath2 therefore ,i would take no notice of his playing with his kitten1 or his blocks1 so long as he kept still4 ,if he grew noisy1 ,i should then say to him1 #8,you must not make a noise to-day2 for it is the ,sabbath day1 and ,i wish to be quiet1 and read good books4 ,if you run about1 it disturbs me4' ,i make these remarks with regard to very young children4 ,as soon as they are old enough to read and take an interest in religious instruction1 ,i would have playthings put away2 but ,i would not compel them to refrain from play1 before ,i gave them something else to interest their minds4 ,i would make a difference in their playthings4 ,the noisy rattle and the cart which have amused them during the week1 should give place to picture-books1 the kitten1 little blocks1 or any quiet amusement4 ,if the heads of a family keep the ,sabbath with sobriety and stillness1 the spirit of the day enters into the hearts of the children4 ,i have seen children of three and four years old1 who were habitually more quiet on ,sunday than on any other day1 merely from the soothing influence of example4 ,a child should be accustomed to attend public worship as early as possible2 and the walk to and from church should be made pleasant1 by calling his attention to agreeable objects4 ,when his little heart is delighted with the lamb1 or the dove1 or the dog1 or the flower1 you have pointed out to him1 take that opportunity to tell him ,god made all these things1 and that he has provided everything for their comfort1 because he is very kind4 ,we are too apt to forget ,god1 except in times of affliction1 and to remind children of him only during some awful manifestation of his power2 such as thunder1 lightning and whirlwind4 ,it certainly is proper to direct the infant thoughts to him at such seasons2 but not at such seasons only4 ,a tempest produces a natural feeling of awe1 which should never be disturbed by jesting and laughter2 emotions of dependence and reverence are salutary to mortals4 ,but we should speak of ,god often in connexion with everything calm and happy4 ,we should lead the mind to dwell upon his infinite goodness2 that he may indeed be regarded as a ,heavenly ,father4 ,an early habit of prayer is a blessed thing4 ,i would teach it to a child as soon as he could lisp the words4 ,at first1 some simple form must be used1 like1 #8,now ,i lay me down to sleep2' but as children grow older1 it is well to express themselves just as they feel4 ,a little daughter of one of my friends1 when undressed to go to bed1 knelt down of her own accord1 and said1 #8,our ,father1 who art in heaven1 forgive me for striking my little brother to-day1 and help me not to strike him again2 for oh1 if he should die1 how sorry ,i should be that ,i struck him6' ,another in her evening prayer thanked ,god for a little sugar dog1 that had been given her in the course of the day4 ,let it not be thought for a moment that there is any irreverence in such prayers as these coming from little innocent hearts4 ,it has a blessed influence to look to ,god as the source of all our enjoyments2 and as the enjoyments of a child must necessarily be childish1 it is sincere and proper for them to express gratitude in this way4 ,while ,i endeavored to make ,sunday a very cheerful day1 ,i would as far as possible give a religious character to all its conversation and employments4 ,very young children will become strongly interested in the ,bible1 if it is read to them1 or they are suffered to talk about it4 ,they will want to hear1 for the hundredth time1 about the little boy who said to his father1 #8,my head6 ,my head6' ,they will tell over to each other with a great deal of delight1 how he died1 and was laid on his little bed1 and how the prophet lay down with him1 and restored him to life2 and how the little boy sneezed seven times4 ,the story of ,joseph1 of ,samuel1 of ,david1 of the meeting of ,isaac and ,rebecca at the ,well1 are very attractive to children4 ,it is the first duty of a mother to make the ,bible precious and delightful to her family4 ,in order to do this1 she must choose such parts as are best suited to their capacities2 talk to them about it in a pleasant and familiar style2 and try to get their little minds interested in what they read4 ,if made to spell out a chapter in a cold1 formal manner1 and then told to go and sit down and be still1 they will take no interest in the ,bible2 nor would they1 by such means1 take an interest in anything4 ,at no period of life should people hear the ,bible spoken lightly of1 or any passage quoted in jest2 thoughtlessness in this respect does great mischief to ourselves and others4 ,there cannot be a worse practice than that of making a child commit a chapter of the ,scriptures as a punishment for any offence4 ,at some schools1 the ,bible 7being the heaviest book to be found7 is held at arm's length till the little culprit gets so weary1 that he would gladly throw the volume across the room4--,this is very injudicious4 ,in no way whatever should the ,bible be associated with anything disagreeable4 ,a little hymn every ,sabbath is a pleasant and profitable lesson2 and if it is simple enough to be understood1 the child will amuse himself by repeating it through the week4 ,some of the very strongest impressions of childhood are made by the hymns learned at an early age3 therefore1 parents should be careful what kind of ones are learned4 ,they should first read them themselves1 and think carefully what impressions of ,god1 religion1 and death1 they are likely to convey4 ,as children grow older1 you may add to their interest in the ,scriptures by accounts of ,palestine1 and of the customs of the ,jews4 ,helon's ,pilgrimage to ,jerusalem is a good book for this purpose4 ,maps1 on which the travels of our ,saviour and the ,apostles may be traced are excellent for ,sunday lessons4 ,such means as these give an interest to religious instruction1 and prevent it from becoming a task4 ,perhaps some parents will be ready to say that their own education has not fitted them for thus assisting their children2 but surely books and maps are cheap1 and whoever has common sense1 and the will to learn1 cannot fail to understand them4 ,as for the expense1 it is better to give your child right feelings and enlightened ideas1 than to give him dollars4 ,you may leave him a large sum of money1 but he cannot buy happiness with it1 neither can he buy a good heart1 or a strong mind2 but if his feelings are correct and his understanding cultivated1 he will assuredly be happy1 and will be very likely to acquire a competency of the good things of this world4 ,in order to relieve the tediousness of too much reading and studying1 it is a good plan for parents to walk with children on ,sabbath afternoon1 for the purpose of drawing their attention to the works of ,god1 and explaining how his goodness extends over all things4 ,the structure of a bird's nest may be made to convey religious instruction1 and inspire religious feeling1 as well as a hymn4 ,for this reason1 books which treat of the wonderful mechanism of the eye and the ear1 the provisions for the comfort of animals1 and the preservation of plants--in a word1 all that leads the mind to dwell upon the goodness and power of ,god1--are appropriate books for ,sunday1 and may be read1 or studied1 to great advantage1 when children are old enough to understand them4 ,but after all1 religion is not so much taught by lessons1 as it is by our examples1 and habits of speaking1 acting1 and thinking4 ,it should not be a garment reserved only for ,sunday wear2 we should always be in the habit of referring everything to our ,father in heaven4 ,if a child is reminded of ,god at a moment of peculiar happiness1 and is then told to be grateful to ,him for all his enjoyments1 it will do him more good than any words he can learn4 ,to see the cherry-stone he has planted becoming a tree1 and to be told that ,god made it grow1 will make a more lively impression on his mind1 than could be produced by any lesson from a book4 ,the ,friends say every day should be ,sunday2 and certainly no day should pass without using some of the opportunities1 which are always occurring1 of leading the heart to ,god4 ,to catechisms in general ,i have an aversion4 ,i think portions of the ,bible itself are the best things to be learned2 and something may be found there to interest all ages4 ,cummings' ,questions in the ,new ,testament appear to me better than anything of the kind2 because the answers are to be found in the ,bible itself2 but even in this ,i would blot out all answers given by the writer--,i would have children learn nothing of men1 but everything from ,god4 ,it is important that ,bible lessons should be accompanied with familiar and serious conversation with parents2 it interests a child's feelings1 and enlightens his understanding4 ,perhaps some will think ,i have pointed out very arduous duties for the ,sabbath1 and that if so much is done for children1 parents will have no time left for their own reading and reflection4 ,but there can be no doubt that 7interesting7 lessons and conversations with children are both pleasant and useful to parents2 you cannot dispose of a part of the day more satisfactorily to your heart or your conscience4 ,it is by no means necessary to devote the whole day expressly to their instruction4 ,let your own pursuits be such as imply a respect for the sanctity of the ,sabbath1 and put them in the way of employing themselves about what is good1 as well as pleasant4 ,young people should always be taught to respect the employments and convenience of others2 they should learn to wait patiently for their elders to join in their studies or amusements4 ,if you treat them with perfect gentleness1 and show a willingness to attend to them when it is in your power1 they will soon acquire the habit of waiting cheerfully4 ,but never explain anything to a child because he is impatient and teases you1 when it is really very inconvenient to you1 and of no immediate consequence to him4 ,let your constant practice in all things show him1 that you are less inclined to attend to him when he teases you1 than when he waits patiently2 but1 at the same time1 never make him wait when it is not necessary4 ,there is no end to the wonders that may be wrought by gentleness and firmness4 ,the religious knowledge conveyed in early childhood should be extremely simple4 ,it is enough to be told that ,god is their ,father in heaven2 that every thing in the world is formed by his wisdom1 and preserved by his love2 that he knows every thought of their hearts2 that he loves them when they do what is right2 and that good children1 when they die1 go to heaven1 where ,god and the angels are4 ,no opportunity should be lost of impressing upon their minds that ,god loves the creatures he has made2 even for the most common enjoyments of life they should be taught to be thankful to him4 ,when guilty of a falsehood1 or any other wrong action1 they should be solemnly reminded that though nobody in the world may know it1 ,god sees it4 ,this simple truth will make a serious impression1 even when they are quite small2 and as they grow older1 they may be more deeply impressed1 by adding that every time we indulge any evil feeling1 we remove ourselves farther from ,god and good angels1 and render ourselves unfit for heaven4 ,it may seem like a nice metaphysical distinction1 but ,i do think it very important that children should early1 and constantly1 receive the idea that the wicked remove themselves from ,god--that ,god never withdraws from them4 ,divine influence is always shedding its holy beams upon the human soul1 to purify and bless4 ,it is our own fault1 if our souls are in such a state that we cannot receive it4 ,in the whole course of education1 we should never forget that we are rearing beings for another world as well as for this2 they should be taught to consider this life as a preparation for a better4 ,human policy is apt to look no farther than the honors and emoluments of this world2 but our present life is1 at the longest1 but an exceedingly small part of our existence2 and how unwise it is to prepare for time and neglect eternity4 ,besides1 the best way of fitting ourselves for this world is to prepare for another4 ,human prudence is not willing to perform every duty in earnestness and humility1 and trust the rest to ,providence4 ,yet1 after all1 ,god will do much better for us than we can do for ourselves4 ,all our deep-laid schemes cannot make us so happy1 as we should be if we were simply good4 ,i do not mean that the active employments of life should be neglected2 for ,i consider them as duties1 which may and ought to be performed in the true spirit of religion3 ,i mean that we should industriously cultivate and exert our abilities1 as a means of usefulness1 without feeling anxious about wealth or reputation4 ,it is the doing things from a wrong motive1 which produces so much disorder and unhappiness in the world4 ,religious education1 in early life1 should be addressed to the heart1 rather than to the mind4 ,the affections should be filled with love and gratitude to ,god1 but no attempt should be made to introduce doctrinal opinions into the understanding4 ,even if they could be understood1 it would not be well to teach them4 ,it is better that the mind should be left in perfect freedom to choose its creed2 if the feelings are religious1 ,god will enlighten the understanding2 he who really loves what is good1 will perceive what is true4 ,miss ,hamilton1 in her excellent book on education1 relates an anecdote of a mother1 who tried to explain the doctrine of atonement by telling a child that ,god came down from heaven1 and lived and died on earth1 for the sins of men4 ,the little girl looked thoughtfully in the fire for some time1 and then eagerly exclaimed1 #8,oh1 what a good time the angels must have had1 when ,god was gone away6' ,this child1 being subject to great restraint in the presence of her parents1 was probably in the habit of having a frolic when they were gone2 and she judged the angels by the same rule4 ,she was not to blame for judging by what she had seen and felt4 ,it was the only standard she could use4 ,the error was in attempting to give her ideas altogether too vast for her infant mind4 ,this anecdote shows how necessary it is that religious instruction should1 at first1 be extremely plain and simple4 ,there is nothing perhaps in which ,christians act so inconsistently as in surrounding death with associations of grief and terror4 ,we profess to believe that the good whom we have loved in this life1 are still alive in a better and happier world2 yet we clothe ourselves in black1 toll the bell1 shun the room where we saw them die1 and weep when they are mentioned4 ,my own prejudices against wearing mourning are very strong--nothing but the certainty of wounding the feelings of some near and dear friend would ever induce me to follow the custom4 ,however1 ,i have no right1 nor have ,i any wish1 to interfere with the prejudices of others4 ,i shall only speak of mourning in connexion with other things1 that tend to give children melancholy ideas of death4 ,for various reasons1 we should treat the subject as cheerfully as possible4 ,we all must die2 and if we really believe that we shall live hereafter1 under the care of the same all-merciful ,god1 who has protected us here1 why should we dread to die8 ,children should always hear death spoken of as a blessed change2 and if the selfishness of our nature will wring some tears from us1 when our friends die1 they should be such tears as we shed for a brief absence1 not the heartrending sobs of utter separation4 ,when death occurs in the family1 use the opportunity to make a child familiar with it4 ,tell him the brother1 or sister1 or parent he loved is gone to ,god2 and that the good are far happier with the holy angels1 than they could have been on earth2 and that if we are good1 we shall in a little while go to them in heaven4 ,whenever he afterwards alludes to them1 say they are as much alive as they were on this earth2 and far happier4 ,do not speak of it as a thing to be regretted that they have gone early to heaven2 but rather as a privilege to be desired that we shall one day go to them4 ,this is the view which the ,christian religion gives us2 and it is the view we should all have1 did not a guilty conscience1 or an injudicious education inspire us with feelings of terror4 ,the most pious people are sometimes entirely unable to overcome the dread of death1 which they received in childhood2 whereas1 those whose first impressions on this subject have been pleasant1 find within themselves a strong support in times of illness and affliction4 ,the following is extracted from ,miss ,hamilton's work on ,education3-- #8,if we analyze the slavish fear of death1 which constitutes no trifling portion of human misery1 we shall often find it impossible to be accounted for on any other grounds than those of early association4 ,frequently does this slavish fear operate in the bosoms of those who know not the pangs of an accusing conscience1 and whose spirits bear them witness that they have reason to have hope and confidence towards ,god4 ,but in vain does reason and religion speak peace to the soul of him whose first ideas of death have been accompanied with strong impressions of terror4 ,the association thus formed is too powerful to be broken1 and the only resource to which minds under its influence generally resort1 is to drive the subject from their thoughts as much as possible4 ,to this cause we may attribute the unwillingness which many people evince towards making a settlement of their affairs2 not that they entertain the superstitious notion of accelerating the hour of their death by making a will2 but that the aversion to the subject of death is so strong in their minds1 that they feel a repugnance to the consideration of whatever is even remotely connected with it4 #8,how often the same association operates in deterring from the serious contemplation of a future state1 we must leave to the consciences of individuals to determine4 ,its tendency to enfeeble the mind1 and its consequences in detracting from the happiness of life1 are obvious to common observation2 but as every subject of this nature is best elucidated by examples1 ,i shall beg leave to introduce two from real life1 in which the importance of early association will1 ,i trust1 be clearly illustrated4 #8,the first instance ,i shall give of the abiding influence of strong impressions received in infancy1 is in the character of a lady who is now no more2 and who was too eminent for piety and virtue1 to leave any doubt of her being now exalted to the enjoyment of that felicity which her enfeebled mind1 during its abode on earth1 never dared to contemplate4 ,the first view she had of death in infancy was accompanied with peculiar circumstances of terror2 and this powerful impression was1 by the injudicious language of the nursery1 aggravated and increased1 till the idea of death became associated with all the images of horror which the imagination could conceive4 ,although born of a noble family1 her education was strictly pious2 but the piety which she witnessed was tinctured with fanaticism1 and had little in it of that divine spirit of 8love which casteth out fear40 ,her understanding was naturally excellent2 or1 in other words1 what is in our sex generally termed masculine2 and it was improved by the advantages of a very superior education4 ,but not all the advantages she derived from nature or cultivation1 not all the strength of a sound judgment1 nor all the sagacity of a penetrating and cultivated genius1 could counteract the association which rendered the idea of death a subject of perpetual terror to her mind4 ,exemplary in the performance of every religious and every social duty1 full of faith and of good works1 she never dared to dart a glance of hope beyond the tomb4 ,the gloomy shadows that hovered over the regions of death made the heart recoil from the salutary meditation2 and when sickness brought the subject to her view1 her whole soul was involved in a tumult of horror and dismay4 ,in every illness it became the business of her family and friends to devise methods of concealing from her the real danger4 ,every face was then dressed in forced smiles1 and every tongue employed in the repetition of flattering falsehoods4 ,to mention the death of any person in her presence became a sort of petit treason in her family2 and from the pains that were taken to conceal every event of this kind from her knowledge1 it was easy to conjecture how much was to be dreaded from the direful effect such information would infallibly produce4 ,she might1 indeed1 be said 8,to die a thousand deaths in fearing one40 ,and had often suffered much more from the apprehension1 than she could have suffered from the most agonizing torture that ever attended the hour of dissolution4 #8,here we have an instance of a noble mind subjected by means of early association to the most cruel bondage4 ,let us now take a view of the consequences of impressing the mind with more agreeable associations on the same subject at the same early period4 #8,a friend of mine1 on expressing his admiration of the cheerfulness and composure1 which a lady of his acquaintance had invariably shown on the threatened approach of death1 was thus answered3 8,the fortitude you so highly applaud1 ,i indeed acknowledge as the first and greatest of blessings2 for to it ,i owe the enjoyment of all the mercies1 which a good ,providence has graciously mingled in the cup of suffering4 ,but ,i take no merit to myself on its account4 ,it is not1 as you suppose1 the magnanimous effort of reason2 and however it may be supported by that religious principle which inspires hope1 and teaches resignation1 while ,i see those who are my superiors in every ,christian grace and virtue appalled by the terrors of death1 ,i cannot to religion alone attribute my superior fortitude4 ,for that fortitude ,i am1 under ,god1 chiefly indebted to the judicious friend of my infancy1 who made the idea of death not only familiar but pleasant to my imagination4 ,the sudden death of an elderly lady to whom ,i was much attached1 gave her an opportunity1 before ,i had attained my sixth year1 of impressing this subject on my mind in the most agreeable colors4 #88,to this judicious management do ,i attribute much of that serenity1 which1 on the apprehended approach of death1 has ever possessed my mind4 ,had the idea been first impressed upon my imagination with its usual gloomy accompaniments1 it is probable that it would still have been there invested in robes of terror2 nor would all the efforts of reason1 nor all the arguments of religion1 have been able in these moments effectually to tranquillize my soul4 ,nor is it only in the hour of real danger that ,i have experienced the good effects of this freedom from the slavish fear of death2 it has saved me from a thousand petty alarms and foolish apprehensions1 into which people of stronger minds than ,i can boast1 are frequently betrayed by the involuntary impulse of terror4 ,so much1 my good friend1 do we all owe to early education40' ,to these remarks1 ,i will add an anecdote1 that came under the observation of one of my friends4 ,a little girl saw a beloved aunt die4 ,the child was very young1--she had no ideas at all about death1--it was her first lesson on the subject4 ,she was much affected1 and wept bitterly4 ,her mother led her to the bed1 kissed the cheek of the corpse1 and observed how smiling and happy the countenance looked4 #8,we must not weep for dear aunt ,betsy1' said she2 #8she is living now with the angels2 and though she cannot come to see us1 she loves us1 and will rejoice when we are good4 ,if we are good1 like her1 we shall go to heaven1 where she is2 and to go to heaven1 is like going to a happy home4' ,this conversation soothed the child's mind2 she felt the cold hand1 kissed the cold cheek1 and felt sure that her aunt was still alive and loved her4 ,a year or two afterwards1 this child was very ill1 and they told her the doctor said she would die4 ,she looked up smiling in her mother's face1 and said1 with joyful simplicity1 #8,i shall see dear aunt ,betsy before you do1 mother4' ,what a beautiful lesson6 ,so important do ,i consider cheerful associations with death1 that ,i wish to see our grave-yards laid out with walks1 and trees1 and beautiful shrubs1 as places of public promenade4 ,we ought not to draw such a line of separation between those who are living in this world1 and those who are alive in another4 ,a cherished feeling of tenderness for the dead is a beautiful trait in the ,catholic religion4 ,the prayers that continue to be offered for the departed1 the offering of flowers upon the tomb1 the little fragrant wreath held in the cold hand of the dead infant1--all these things are beautiful and salutary4 ,it may be thought such customs are merely poetic2 but ,i think they perform a much higher use than merely pleasing the fancy2 ,i believe they help to give permanently cheerful impressions of our last great change4 ,it is difficult for the wisest of us to tell out of what trifles our prejudices and opinions have been gradually composed4 ,a friend1 who had resided some time in ,brazil1 told an anecdote1 which was extremely pleasing to me1 on account of the distinct and animating faith it implied4 ,when walking on the beach1 he overtook a negro woman1 carrying a large tray upon her head4 ,thinking she had fruit or flowers to sell1 he called to her to stop4 ,on being asked what she had in her tray1 she lowered the burthen upon the sand1 and gently uncovered it4 ,it was a dead negro babe1 covered with a neat white robe1 with a garland around its head1 and a bunch of flowers in the little hands1 that lay clasped upon its bosom4 #8,is this your child8' asked my friend4 #8,it was mine a few day's ago1' she said2 #8but it is the ,madonna's now4 ,i am carrying it to the church to be buried4 ,it is a little angel now4' #8,how beautifully you have laid it out6' said the traveller4 #8,ah1' replied the negro1 #8that is nothing compared to the beautiful bright wings with which it is flying through heaven6' ,with regard to supernatural appearances1 ,i think they should never be spoken of as objects of terror1 neither should the possibility be treated as ridiculous4 ,if we treat such subjects with contempt and utter unbelief1 we at once involve ourselves in contradiction2 for we tell our children they must believe the ,bible2 and in the ,bible they read of angels holding intercourse with men1 and of the dead rising from their graves4 ,some say1 keep children in utter ignorance of such subjects2 but that is not possible4 ,they will find them mentioned in ,scripture1 and in nine tenths of the books not expressly written for childhood4 ,our utmost care cannot keep such ideas from entering their minds2 and my own opinion is1 that it is not desirable we should4 ,i believe that children may be taught to think of supernatural appearances1 not only without terror1 but with actual pleasure4 ,it is a solemn and mysterious subject1 and should not be introduced uselessly2 but if children asked questions of their own accord1 ,i should answer them according to what ,i believed to be the truth4 ,i should tell them ,i believed the dead were living1 speaking and thinking beings1 just like ourselves2 that they were happy in heaven in proportion as they were good on earth2 that in ancient times1 when men were innocent1 angels used to come and see them1 and that they loved to see them2 but that now men were so wicked they could not see angels--the holy and beautiful privilege had been lost by indulging in evil2 that angels full of love watched over the good1 and rejoiced when they put away a wicked thought1 or conquered a wicked feeling2 but that we cannot see them any more than the blind man can see the sun when it is shining upon him4 ,i would tell them that the wicked1 by indulging evil1 go away from the influence of ,god and angels1 and that is the reason they are afraid2 that men who have been bad in this world are bad in another1 and delight to see us indulge in sin2 but that ,god protects us always1 and we need not be afraid of anything that is evil1 except the evil in our own hearts2 that if we try to be good1 ,god and his angels will guard over us and teach us what we ought to do2 and that evil spirits can have no power to tempt us1 or to make us afraid1 except the power we give them by indulging our own evil passions4 ,i am aware that my views on this subject will differ from many of my readers2 but through the whole of this book ,i have endeavored to speak what appeared to me to be the honest truth1 without any reference to what might be thought of it4 ,i believe that a child would have no sort of fear of subjects they heard thus familiarly and plainly dealt with4 ,in one or two instances1 the experiment has been tried with perfect success4 ,the children to whom ,i allude never have an idea of seeing spirits2 but they think ,abraham and ,jacob1 who used to see them1 must have been very happy4 ,they are familiar with the idea that if they indulge in evil1 they put themselves under the influence of spirits like themselves2 but they have not the slightest fear of seeing them4 ,they know that they have spiritual eyes1 with which they see in their dreams1 and will see in heaven2 and that they have bodily eyes1 with which they see the material things of this world2 but they know very well that spiritual forms cannot be seen by the natural organs of sight4 ,if my advice on this mysterious subject seems to you absurd1 or impracticable1 reject it1 in the same freedom that ,i have given it4 ,but let me ask you one question--,did you ever know fear upon these subjects overcome by ridicule1 or by arguments to prove there were no such things as supernatural appearances8 ,i once knew a strong-minded man1 who prided himself upon believing nothing which he could not see1 touch1 and understand4 7,how he believed in the existence of his own soul1 ,i do not know47 ,his children1 from some cause or other1 had their minds excited on the subject of visions4 ,the father told them it was all nonsense--that there was not a word of truth in anything of the sort4 #8,but ,jesus ,christ appeared to his disciples1 after he was dead1' said one of the boys4 #8,oh1 that was a miracle1' replied the father3 #8sit down1 and ,i will tell you a beautiful ghost-story4' ,then he told a long story of a man1 who several times saw his deceased friend all dressed in white1 seated in his arm-chair1 wearing exactly the same wig he had always worn in his life-time4 ,the story was wrought up with a good deal of skill4 ,the gloom of twilight1 the melancholy smile of the phantom1 the terror of the spectator1 were all eloquently described4 ,the children stared their eyes almost out of their heads4 ,at last1 the end of the story came1--#8,a servant entered with a light1 and the old man in the arm-chair proved to be--a great white dog6' ,but what was the effect on the children8 ,did such a story calm or satisfy their minds8 ,no4 ,it terrified them greatly4 ,for months after1 they were afraid to go into the dark1 lest they should see--a great white dog4 99 99 99 99 99 ,while ,i represented the intercourse with angels as a privilege that belonged to purity and innocence1 ,i would as much as possible keep from the knowledge of children all those frightful stories to which remorse and disease have given birth4 ,should any such come in their way1 ,i would represent them as the effects of a guilty conscience1 or disordered nerves1 both of which produce a species of insanity2 and at the same time ,i would talk of the love and protection of their heavenly ,father1 reminding them that every time they resisted what was wrong1 they put themselves more and more under the blessed influence of ,god and his holy angels4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,books4 ,the books chosen for young people should as far as possible combine amusement with instruction2 but it is very important that amusement should not become a necessary inducement4 ,i think a real love of reading is the greatest blessing education can bestow1 particularly upon a woman4 ,it cheers so many hours of illness and seclusion2 it gives the mind something to interest itself about1 instead of the concerns of one's neighbors1 and the changes of fashion2 it enlarges the heart1 by giving extensive views of the world2 it every day increases the points of sympathy with an intelligent husband2 and it gives a mother materials for furnishing the minds of her children4 ,yet ,i believe a real love of reading is not common among women4 ,i know that the new novels are very generally read2 but this springs from the same love of pleasing excitement1 which leads people to the theatre2 it does not proceed from a thirst for information4 ,for this reason1 it has a bad effect to encourage an early love for works of fiction2 particularly such as contain romantic incidents4 ,to be sure1 works of this kind have of late years assumed so elevated a character1 that there is very much less danger from them than formerly4 ,we now have true pictures of life in all its forms1 instead of the sentimental1 lovesick effusions1 which turned the heads of girls1 fifty years ago4 ,but even the best of novels should form the recreation rather than the employment of the mind2 they should only be read now and then4 ,they are a sort of literary confectionary2 and1 though they may be very perfect and beautiful1 if eaten too plentifully1 they do tend to destroy our appetite for more solid and nourishing food4 ,the same remarks apply1 in a less degree1 to children's forming the habit of reading nothing but stories1 which are1 in fact1 little novels4 ,to prevent an exclusive and injurious taste for fiction1 it is well to encourage in them a love of ,history1 ,voyages1 ,travels1 ,biography1 c4 ,it may be done by hearing them read such books1 or reading with them1 frequently talking about them1 and seeming pleased if they remember sufficiently well to give a good account of what they have read4 ,sir ,william ,jones1 who had perhaps a greater passion for knowledge than any other mortal1 and who1 of course1 became extensively useful and celebrated1 says1 that when he asked questions about anything1 his mother used to say to him1 #8,read your book1 and you will know4' ,being an intelligent and judicious woman1 she took pains to procure such volumes as would satisfy his inquiries2 and in this way his love of books became an intense passion2 he resorted to them as the thirsty do to a fountain4 ,this anecdote furnishes a valuable hint4 ,i am aware that all cannot afford to buy books freely2 but ,i believe there are very few in this land of abundance1 who do not spend in the superfluities of dress and the table1 more than enough to purchase a valuable library4 ,besides1 ample means of information are now furnished the public by social libraries1 juvenile libraries1 lyceums1 c4 ,i can hardly suppose it possible that any person can really want a book1 in this country1 without being able to obtain it4 ,such being the case1 it certainly is easy to follow the example of ,sir ,william ,jones's mother4 ,for instance1 a cold1 stinging day in winter would naturally lead a child to say1 #8,i wonder how people can live near the poles2 where my geography says they have six months of night and winter4' ,here is a good opportunity for a parent to reply1 #8,i will get a book about ,polar ,regions1 and you shall read to me1 after you have learned your lessons2 if ,i am busy1 and cannot hear you1 you must read by yourself1 and tell me about it4' ,it is by seizing hold of such incidents as these1 that a real love of knowledge may be instilled4 ,the habit of having the different members of a family take turns to read aloud1 while the others are at work1 is extremely beneficial4 ,it is likewise an excellent plan for young people to give a familiar account1 in writing1 of what they have read1 and to make their own remarks upon the subject freely2 but these juvenile productions should never be shown out of the family1 or praised in an exaggerated manner1 likely to excite vanity2 and if one child is more gifted than another1 care should be taken to bestow the greatest share of encouragement on the one that needs it most4 ,i wish the habit of reading the purest and best authors aloud was more frequent in our schools4 ,i know not how it is1 girls learn an abundance of things1 but they do not acquire a love of reading4 ,i know very few young ladies1 among those esteemed thoroughly educated1 to whom a book is really a pleasanter resource than visiting1 dress1 and frivolous conversation4 ,their understanding may have been well drilled in certain sciences2 but knowledge has no place in their affections4 ,the result is1 that what they have learned at school is gradually forgotten1 instead of being brought into constant use in after life4 ,like soldiers on parade day1 they go through a certain routine1 and then throw by their accoutrements as things useless for anything but parade4 ,the fact is1 we should always begin with the affections4 ,what we love to do1 we accomplish through all manner of obstacles2 but what we do not love to do is uphill work1 and will not be performed if it can be avoided4 ,if a fondness for books be once imbibed1 it is plain enough that the understanding will soon be enlightened on all interesting subjects2 and a person who reads1 as he drinks water when he is thirsty1 is the least likely of all men to be pedantic3 in all things1 affectation is fond of making a greater show than reality4 ,i once heard a woman in mixed company say1 #8,my dear ,mrs4 ----1 how can you play whist8 ,i cannot possibly give my attention to such trifling things2 if ,i attempt it1 my mind is immediately abstracted4' ,i at once set her down for a fool and a pedant4 ,i should not have been afraid to risk a fortune that she had no real love of knowledge4 ,nature and truth have never learned to blow the trumpet1 and never will4 ,the lady whom she addressed was really intelligent and well-informed2 she did not love to play whist1 but she very good-naturedly consented to it1 because her hostess could not otherwise make up the number requisite for the game2 knowledge was the food of her mind1 not its decoration4 ,miss ,edgeworth has very beautifully remarked1 #8,we are disgusted when we see a woman's mind overwhelmed with a torrent of learning2 that the tide of literature has passed over it1 should be betrayed only by its general fertility4' ,and this will be the result1 if books are loved as a resource1 and a means of usefulness1 not as affording opportunity for display4 ,i have said that reading works of fiction too much1 tends to destroy a relish for anything more solid1 and less exciting2 but ,i would suggest that the worst possible thing that can be done is to prohibit them entirely1 or to talk against them with undue severity4 ,this always produces a fidgetty desire to read them2 and unless the principles are very strong1 they will be read by stealth4 ,direct prohibitions1 though unquestionably necessary at times1 are not likely to do great good1 because they appeal to the understanding without being grounded in the heart4 ,the best way is to allow the occasional perusal of novels1 which are pure in spirit and in language4 ,when a taste is once formed for the best novels1 silly1 lackadaisical ones will have no charm--they will not be read from choice4 ,in this instance1 as in others of more importance1 evil is prevented from entering1 by finding the mind occupied with good4 ,many readers1 and writers too1 think any book is proper for young people1 which has a good moral at the end2 but the fact is1 some books1 with a long excellent moral1 have the worst possible effect on a young mind4--,the morality should be in the book1 not tacked upon the end of it4 ,vices the juvenile reader never heard of1 are introduced1 dressed up in alluring characters1 which excite their admiration1 their love1 their deepest pity2 and then they are told that these heroes and heroines were very naughty1 and that in the end they were certain to die despised and neglected4 ,what is the result8 ,the generous bosom of youth pities the sinners1 and thinks the world was a cruel world to despise and neglect them4 ,charlotte ,temple has a nice good moral at the end1 and ,i dare say was written with the best intention1 yet ,i believe few works do so much harm to girls of fourteen or fifteen4 ,i doubt whether books which represent vice1 in any way1 are suitable to be put into the hands of those1 whose principles are not formed4 ,it is better to paint virtue to be imitated1 than vice to be shunned4 ,familiarity with evil is a disadvantage1 even when pointed out as an object of disgust4 ,it is true that evil must come in the way of the young2 they will find it in books1 and they will find plenty of it in the world4 ,it would be useless to attempt always to keep such volumes out of the way2 but ,i would1 as far as possible1 avoid them when a child is young1 and his mind is comparatively empty4 ,after his principles and taste are formed1 he will view such descriptions as he ought4 ,i do not approve of stories about naughty children2 they suggest a thousand little tricks and deceptions1 which would not otherwise be thought of4 ,a small book by a very excellent writer appears to me liable to this objection2 ,i refer to ,adelaide1 or ,stories for ,children1 by a ,lady of ,philadelphia4#b ,children1 especially girls1 should not read anything without a mother's knowledge and sanction2 this is particularly necessary between the ages of twelve and sixteen1 when the feelings are all fervent and enthusiastic1 and the understanding is not strengthened by experience and observation4 ,at this period1 the mind and heart are very active1 and parents should take peculiar care to furnish them with plenty of innocent employment4 ,i had almost forgotten to mention the prejudice which some people have against all manner of fairy stories and fables1 simply upon the ground that they are not strictly true4 ,the objection does not seem to me a forcible one2 because ,i do not believe children ever think they are true4 ,during my own childhood1 ,i am very sure ,i regarded them as just what they were1--as efforts of the imagination--dreams that had a meaning to them4 ,i do object to reading many of these things2 for they are the novels of infancy1 and have a similar effect1 though in a less degree4 ,all frightful and monstrous fairy stories are indeed abominable2 but ,i do not believe that ,cinderella1 or the ,glass ,slipper1 ever injured any child4 ,with regard to fables1 children do not believe that dogs1 foxes1 and birds1 talk to each other2 nor do they think that the writer intended they should believe it2 therefore it cannot be injurious to their love of truth4 ,no child1 who reads those pretty little verses beginning with1 #8,come up into my chamber1' said the spider to the fly1-- #8',tis the prettiest little chamber that ever you did spy6' believes that the spider actually talked to the fly4 ,children understand the moral it is intended to convey perfectly well2 they know that it means we should not allow the flattery or solicitations of others to tempt us to what is improper and dangerous4 ,fables and fairy stories1 which contain a clear and simple moral1 have1 ,i think1 a good tendency2 but care should be taken to ascertain whether the little readers understand the moral1 and to explain it clearly to them1 if they do not4 ,imagination was bestowed upon us by the ,great ,giver of all things1 and unquestionably was intended to be cultivated in a fair proportion to the other powers of the mind4 ,excess of imagination has1 ,i know1 done incalculable mischief2 but that is no argument against a moderate cultivation of it2 the excess of all good things is mischievous4 ,a strong reason why we should indulge children in reading some of the best fairy-stories and fables1 and young people in reading some of the best novels1 is1 that we cannot possibly help their getting hold of some books of this description2 and it is never wise to forbid what we cannot prevent3 besides1 how much better it is that their choice should be guided by a parent1 than left to chance4 ,the extreme fondness for fairy legends indicates an origin deeply laid in some law of our being4 ,probably1 it is merely a grotesque form of the universal consciousness that the earthly and the visible are constantly and intimately connected with the spiritual and the unseen4 ,whatever may be the cause1 such a book as ,the ,arabian ,nights charms all sorts of youthful readers1 all the world over4 ,its extravagant fancies are probably as harmless as are pictures of trees changing into men1 or rocks making up faces like monkeys4 ,they are understood to be extravagances1 and are enjoyed as such4 ,the love of fiction is likewise founded in an universal instinct2 and all universal instincts of human nature should be wisely employed1 rather than forcibly repressed4 ,they are like powerful waters1 which1 if dammed up in one place1 will surely overleap their barriers in another4 ,our eager desire to obtain insight into another's being1 makes autobiography intensely interesting to all classes of readers2 and novels derive their charm from the same source4 ,that which biography gives to us in outline1 the novelist fills up1 by the power of imagination1 guided by experience4 ,we see ourselves reflected in the characters that most interest us4 ,thus have we hoped and loved1 sinned and suffered4 ,a mirror for the face has a bewitching attraction for all nations2 what wonder then that a mirror for the soul is so generally fascinating8 ,it is the business of a judicious parent to guide this instinct aright1 and thus make it productive of genuine culture1 as well as of amusement4 ,the profligate and strongly-exciting works1 with which our circulating libraries are overrun1 operate on the mind as alcohol does on the body2 but this intellectual intoxication produces effects more difficult to cure1 than its type in the physical system4 ,for this reason1 the works of ,byron1 ,bulwer1 ,eugene ,sue1 c41 ought never to be read1 till the principles and taste are thoroughly formed on wiser and better models4 ,yet a peremptory prohibition of such works seems to me injudicious and hazardous4 ,in one of my last conversations with the lamented ,dr4 ,channing1 he told me that he never deemed it wise to forbid his children anything they were very eager to see or hear4 ,he said he would not put in their way books1 the tendency of which he disapproved2 and if they came in their way1 he would endeavor to set them aside1 if it could be done without stimulating curiosity4 ,but if he found his child eager on the subject1 he would say1 #8,my son1 ,i do not like this book2 but since you desire to read it1 let us read it together1 and see whether it makes a similar impression on your mind4' ,in the course of the reading1 this wise father would take frequent opportunities for incidental commentaries1 and free discussion4 ,he would remark upon what he considered immoral1 irrational1 unnatural1 or untrue4 ,if the lad did not accept these observations as just1 his father would listen kindly and respectfully to all the reasons he had to offer1 and answer them with perfect candor4 ,thus were dangerous books disarmed of their power to injure1 while the bond between parent and child was strengthened4 ,the wisest way to create a distaste for sickly works of fiction1 is early to form a taste for those which are pure and healthy4 ,highest in this class stand the admirable writings of ,frederika ,bremer4 ,she brings before us human life1 with all its simple enjoyments1 its practical difficulties1 its unsatisfied aspirations1 its every-day temptations2 and she leads us into it all1 with the love and insight of an angel4 ,the coloring of all her sweet domestic pictures1 is revealed in the rich sunlight of a deep spirituality4 ,the moral is not appended or inlaid1 but fused with the whole mass4 ,in the daily actions of her heroes and heroines1 self-sacrifice and religious trust shine forth with such unpretending beauty1 that they win their way deeper into the soul1 than the utterance of the wisest oracles4 ,it has been justly said that #8her powers of observation are most acute and rapid2 she detects at a glance the follies and oddities of the great world1 and gives them to us with good-humored and graceful satire2 but her home is in the soul--there1 in the still chamber1 to watch and describe the struggle of purity against temptation1 energy against indolence1 aspiration against despondency4' ,the great charm of this popular writer is1 that she is deeply religious1 without being theological4 ,mary ,howitt's writings have similar attractions1 arising from their simplicity and naturalness1 their child-like love of all things in woods and fields1 and their affectionate sympathy with the common wants and woes of humanity2 but though the religious sentiment is everywhere present1 there is not such deep spirituality1 such close communion with the interior of the soul1 as in ,frederika ,bremer4 ,miss ,edgeworth's books1 so long and so universally known1 can never be otherwise than established favorites4 ,they are admirably constructed as stories1 and are full of practical good sense1 philosophic discrimination1 felicitous illustration1 and pure morality2 but the sentiment of worship is absent4 ,there is nothing in opposition to religion2 it simply is not there4 ,it was once beautifully said1 #8,her system of education has helped the deaf to hear1 and the lame to walk4 ,if she had only said1 8,arise in the name of ,jesus10 the miracle would have been complete4' ,catharine ,m4 ,sedgwick is another writer1 whose name alone is a sufficient guarantee that the book is safe for young people4 ,her pages offer no sickly sentimentality1 no unhealthy excitement1 but quiet1 pleasant pictures of life1 drawn by a wise and kind observer4 ,the moral teachings are excellent2 everywhere pervaded by the genial spirit of that true democracy1 which rests on the ,christian religion as its basis4 ,walter ,scott's works are valuable to be read in connection with history1 presenting1 as they do1 a lively picture gallery of the manners1 costumes1 and superstitions of the past4 ,they aim at no high spirituality1 and should be accepted for what they are2 fresh and beautiful paintings of man's outward life1 in times of stirring and romantic incident4 ,the author's social position induced a spirit of conservatism1 obvious on every page4 ,when he would dignify any of the commonality1 he is prone to represent their virtues as the growth of loyal adherence to their masters1 rather than of fidelity to their own souls4 ,the attention of the youthful reader should be drawn to this1 simply as illustrative of the influences operating on the author's mind4 ,indeed1 there never was a book printed1 in the perusal of which the young might not be greatly benefitted by the companionship of a judicious parent1 or some older friend1 free as possible from sectarian and political prejudices1 and desirous to present the truth candidly4 ,there is one mistake in books1 almost universal1 against which the young should be guarded by the experienced2 and that is1 the tendency to represent goodness as generally rewarded by praise and success in this world4 ,it stimulates selfishness1 and the experience of life is sure to prove it a delusion4 ,to this false expectation1 and consequent disappointment1 may be traced the early weariness and discouragement of many in benevolent efforts4 ,the reward for disinterestedness must be found in spiritual growth and inward peace1 not in outward prosperity1 or lavish gratitude4 #8,my kingdom1' says ,christ1 #8is not of this world4' ,the lure held out by books1 under the name of #8poetical justice1' may help to attract the youthful mind to some extra exertion and self-sacrifice2 but the reaction produced by experience deadens the generous sympathies1 which might have been kept alive by the presentation of a purer motive4 ,never were truer words than the ,spanish proverb1 #8,all lies1 like chickens1 come home to roost4' ,to be an intelligent ,english reader1 one should be well acquainted with the ancients4 ,much of our floating literature might be profitably set aside to give leisure for ,plutarch's ,lives and ,anarcharsis' ,travels4 ,but it seems to me that this class of reading peculiarly requires guidance4 ,the heroes of a past age are by no means models for this1 and to present them to the youthful mind as great men1 without comment1 has always seemed to me unwise4 ,ulysses1 for example1 is presented to the classical scholar as the wisest of the ,greeks2 as #8wise as ,ulysses' has passed into proverbial speech2 yet what a cunning1 lying knave he was6 ,it is not easy to calculate the moral results of such incidental teaching4 ,modern defalcation and repudiation may be more nearly connected with it than we imagine4 ,unquestionably the young student should be made acquainted with ,ulysses2 for every fact in the history of man is significant and useful4 ,but he should be looked at in the light of ,christianity1 though not tried by its standard2 for that would be unjust to him4 ,the parent should speak of ,ulysses as he was1 both in his greatness and his defects2 and sum up by remarking that such was the product of the theology and government of those times1 and such their ideas of wisdom2 for they had never heard the teachings of him who said1 #8,except ye become as little children1 ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven4' ,deeply impressed as ,i am with the rationality and holiness of perfect forgiveness of injuries1 ,i could not allow a child of mine to read any history1 or biographies of statesmen or warriors1 without a running commentary1 made by the continual application of the ,christian standard4 ,violence and bloodshed will linger much longer on the earth1 for want of these precautions in education4 ,yet whosoever would do this work wisely1 must first have the principles of peace clearly defined in his own mind4 ,the education of a young immortal is indeed a fearful responsibility4 ,this allusion to war reminds me of ,dymond's ,principles of ,morality2 a volume which seems to me to be indeed a #8diamond in the desert4' ,i know of no other book of ethics that so consistently and uniformly applies the ,christian standard to all the relations of life4 ,caroline ,m4 ,kirkland has done the public good service by abridging this excellent work for the use of families and schools4 ,i think it will indicate a considerable step in human progress1 when this book casts out ,paley from our seminaries of learning4 ,but it is not enough that we introduce pure and elevated books into our families4 ,if we would have them produce their full effect on our children1 we must be careful that our own daily habits and incidental conversation are not at discord with them4 ,to many families the following remarks by ,frederika ,bremer are but too applicable3 #8,the daughters of the house were taught that all pomp and pleasure of this world was only vanity2 that nothing was important and worth striving after1 but virtue and unblemished worth4 ,yet1 for all this1 it so happened that the most lively interest and endeavors1 and the warmest wishes of the hearts of all1 were directed to wealth1 rank1 and worldly fortune of every kind4 ,the daughters were taught that in all things the will of ,god must direct them2 yet in every instance they were guided by the fear of man4 ,they were taught that beauty was of no value2 yet they were often compelled to feel1 and that painfully1 in the paternal house1 that they were not handsome4 ,they were allowed to cultivate some talents1 and acquire some knowledge1 but ,god forbid that they should ever become learned women2 on which account1 they learned nothing thoroughly2 though in many instances they pretended to knowledge1 without possessing anything of its spirit1 its nourishing strength1 or its esteem-inspiring earnestness4 ,but above all things1 they learned1 and this only more and more profoundly the more their years increased1 that marriage was the goal of their being2 and in consequence thereof1 7though this was never inculcated in words17 to esteem the favor of man as the highest happiness2 denying all the time that they thought so4' ,few things have a greater tendency to produce refinement than good poetry4 ,it is therefore wise to cultivate a taste for it1 by encouraging children to commit to memory such verses as are at once attractive in style1 and healthy in their moral tone4 ,wordsworth and ,mary ,howitt have written several that are peculiarly well adapted to this purpose4 ,american poets1 too1 have furnished many a gem for the delight of childhood4 ,if these things can be sung as well as said1 it adds another innocent delight to life1 another attraction to home4 ,in the choice of tunes1 care should be taken not to overstrain the childish voice1 and thus injure its future sweetness4 ,still more care should be taken in the selection of songs4 ,the early writings of ,thomas ,moore ought to be avoided1 like poison concealed in honey-dew2 especially at that romantic age when the young heart begins to swell with undefined yearnings and aspirations1 like the flower-bud bursting from its calyx4 ,moore himself would gladly recall many of these effusions1 which have gone the wide world over1 on the wings of music4 ,a friend once inquired at what time he began to regret the publication of these voluptuous songs4 #8,when ,i had a daughter old enough to read them1' was the reply4 ,it may perhaps assist some inexperienced parents to mention a few of those books which appear to me most valuable for young people4 ,the list is1 of course1 very imperfect1 because my limits make it necessary that it should be brief4 ,i doubtless omit very many that deserve commendation2 but ,i mention none which do not appear to me excellent of their kind4 ,for ,children ,four or ,five ,years ,old4 ,,mrs4 ,,barbauld',s ,,lessons ,,for ,,children4 ,all unite in cordially approving this lady's writings4 ,good sense is clothed in very attractive simplicity1 and the thoughts are continually directed to ,god1 as the ,giver of all that we enjoy4 ,,mamma',s ,,lessons4 ,an uncommonly excellent little book4 ,,original ,,poems ,,for ,,infant ,,minds4 ,by ,,jane ,,taylor4 ,the books of this author are among the best4 ,they are beautifully written1 and a mild spirit of religion pervades them all4 ,,rhymes ,,for ,,the ,,nursery4 ,by the same author4 ,this is very fascinating to little children4 ,,early ,,lessons4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,,rollo ,,learning ,,to ,,talk4 ,,nursery ,,songs4 ,by ,,eliza ,l4 ,,follen1 author of ,married ,life4 ,for ,children ,five or ,six ,years ,old4 ,,mrs4 ,,barbauld',s ,,prose ,,hymns4 ,in this volume1 religious sublimity is clothed in child-like simplicity4 ,,harry ,,and ,,lucy4 ,,frank4 ,,rosamond4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,these books will maintain their place in juvenile libraries as long as the language lasts4 ,,mrs4 ,,trimmer',s ,,introduction ,,to ,,the ,,knowledge ,,of ,,nature4 ,mrs4 ,trimmer is an excellent writer of juvenile books4 ,her influence is very pure4 ,,stories ,,for ,,children ,,in ,,familiar ,,verse4 ,,ditties ,,for ,,children4 ,by ,,nancy ,,sproat4 ,the familiar1 simple style of this writer is very attractive to little folks4 ,parents who are strongly opposed to ,calvinism1 may here and there find a verse to which they would object4 ,,rollo ,,learning ,,to ,,read4 ,for ,children ,seven or ,eight ,years ,old4 ,,frank1 ,,continued4 ,,harry ,,and ,,lucy1 ,,continued4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,pleasing ,stories4 ,,stories ,,for ,,children4 ,,aunt ,,mary',s ,,tales ,,for ,,boys4 ,,aunt ,,mary',s ,,tales ,,for ,,girls4 ,by ,,mrs4 ,,hughs4 ,,rollo ,,at ,,play4 ,,rollo ,,at ,,school4 ,,rollo ,,at ,,work4 ,,berquin',s ,,children',s ,,friend4 ,a favorite of long standing4 ,,adventures ,,of ,,congo ,,in ,,search ,,of ,,his ,,master4 ,this is very popular with young readers4 ,,the ,,robins4 ,by ,,mrs4 ,,trimmer4 ,a great favorite with children4 ,,the ,,mirror4 ,by ,,miss ,,leslie4 ,a pleasant1 sensible book4 ,,the ,,story ,,without ,,an ,,end4 ,a very poetic little volume1 which leads the young soul joyously forth into ,nature1 where he is spoken to with a welcoming voice by all things4 ,,sketches ,,of ,,natural ,,history1 ,,in ,,verse4 ,,tales ,,in ,,verse4 ,by ,,mary ,,howitt4 ,,robert ,,fowle4 ,,james ,,talbot4 ,by ,,miss ,,savage4 ,uncommonly good4 ,for ,children ,nine or ,ten ,years ,old4 ,,the ,,parent',s ,,assistant4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,this is composed of admirable stories1 such as ,simple ,susan1 ,forgive and ,forget1 c4 ,,evenings ,,at ,,home4 ,by ,,mrs4 ,,barbauld1 ,,and ,,her ,,brother1 ,,dr4 ,,aiken4 ,a work of first rate merit4 ,,mrs4 ,,leicester',s ,,school4 ,by ,,charles ,,lamb ,,and ,,his ,,sister4 ,mary ,howitt calls this #8a charming book1 written perfectly in the spirit of childhood4' ,,the ,,girl',s ,,own ,,book2 by ,,mrs4 ,,child4 ,,the ,,american ,,girl',s ,,book2 by ,,miss ,,leslie4 ,these books are very acceptable to girls4 ,they are full of games1 riddles1 instructions for various kinds of work1 play1 c4 ,,boy',s ,,own ,,book4 ,an encyclopedia of boyish sports and experiments4 ,,rollo',s ,,travels4 ,,rollo',s ,,experiments4 ,,rollo',s ,,museum4 ,the ,rollo ,books1 by ,jacob ,abbott1 have found universal favor1 both with parents and children4 ,they relate1 in very simple and familiar style1 the every-day trials and temptations of juvenile life4 ,they are well calculated to impart clear ideas of right and wrong1 to encourage habits of observation1 and form characters of plain practical common sense4 ,for ,children ,eleven and ,twelve ,years ,old4 ,,moral ,,tales4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,,sequel ,,to ,,frank4 ,,sequel ,,to ,,harry ,,and ,,lucy4 ,by the same4 ,,sandford ,,and ,,merton4 ,by ,,mr4 ,,day4 ,a great favorite with boys4 ,,ellen ,,the ,,teacher4 ,by ,,mrs4 ,,hofland4 ,an excellent book4 ,,the ,,twin ,,sisters4 ,by ,,miss ,,sandham4 ,a religious1 good book4 ,,birds ,,and ,,flowers4 ,by ,,mary ,,howitt4 ,the love of nature1 and of all simple1 gentle things1 taught by this charming volume1 is well calculated to keep the heart forever fresh and young4 ,except religion1 and the love of a happy home1 there is no blessing to the human soul1 so great and so abiding1 as delight in all common forms of beauty2 a joyful companionship with birds and squirrels1 mosses1 pebbles1 and ferns4 ,,life ,,and ,,maxims ,,of ,,william ,,penn4 ,by ,,mrs4 ,,hughs4 ,,the ,,young ,,emigrants4 ,this book1 understood to be written by ,mrs4 ,sedgwick1 is extremely entertaining and instructive4 ,in a lively narrative of adventures at the ,west1 it teaches the important lesson that there is no education equal to the education of circumstances1 and no way to quicken the faculties1 like bringing them into constant use4 ,,the ,,travellers4 ,by ,,catharine ,m4 ,,sedgwick4 ,,tales ,,of ,a ,,grandfather4 ,by ,,walter ,,scott4 ,,robinson ,,crusoe4 ,abridged from ,defoe4 ,a book universally fascinating1 but not altogether a safe stimulus for a boy of a rambling and adventurous spirit4 ,,the ,,swiss ,,family ,,robinson4 ,a sensible and popular book4 ,for ,young ,persons of ,thirteen and ,fourteen4 ,,popular ,,tales4 ,by ,,maria ,,edgeworth4 ,,display4 ,by ,,jane ,,taylor4 ,an admirable book for girls of this age4 ,,the ,,cottagers ,,of ,,glenburnie4 ,by ,,miss ,,hamilton4 ,full of practical good sense and religious benevolence4 ,,home4 ,,ends ,,and ,,means4 ,,the ,,poor ,,rich ,,man4 ,by ,,catharine ,m4 ,,sedgwick4 ,most excellent and pleasant books4 ,,strive ,,and ,,thrive4 ,,hope ,,on ,,and ,,hope ,,ever4 ,,little ,,coin ,,much ,,care4 ,,work ,,and ,,wages4 ,by ,,mary ,,howitt4 ,genial and healthy in morals1 and very attractive4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is of very great importance that children should perfectly understand what they read4 ,they should be encouraged to give clear and distinct accounts of what they have read2 and when you are doubtful whether they know the meaning of a word1 be sure to ask them4 ,if you yourself do not know1 do not hesitate to say so1 and refer them to the dictionary4 ,some people think it diminishes respect to acknowledge ignorance2 but the fear is unfounded4 ,good sense and good judgment command respect1 whether they are accompanied by great extent of information1 or not4 ,no child ever respected a judicious parent less for saying1 #8,when ,i was young1 ,i did not have such opportunities for learning as you have2 but ,i know how to value knowledge2 and that makes me so anxious you should learn4' ,the habit1 which ,i recommended in the third chapter1 of directing the attention of very little children to surrounding objects1 lays an excellent foundation for obtaining clear and accurate ideas of what is read4 ,the same habit of observation1 that leads them to remark whether a thing is round or square1 likewise leads them to attend to the sense of what they find in books4 ,i believe the multitude of little books generally put into the hands of children are an injury1 rather than a benefit4 ,juvenile ideas are rapid and transient2 and a repetition of the same thoughts makes them familiar and distinct4 ,ideas produce such a transient impression upon the mind of an infant1 that he is never weary of hearing the same old story1 over and over again2 it is always new to him1 because he forgets it as soon as it is repeated4 ,the same remark is true1 in different degrees1 of all the various stages of childhood4 ,it is better to read one book and understand it perfectly1 than to read a dozen and understand them imperfectly4 ,it is astonishing how much pleasure and information are lost by careless readers4 ,an instructer once said to me1 #8,i heard a young lady read ,the ,abbot1 by ,sir ,walter ,scott4 ,when she had finished1 ,i tried to persuade her to tell me what she thought of it1 and what she remembered4 8,why1 after all10 she replied1 8,scott does not tell whether ,queen ,mary had sandy hair1 or dark hair4 ,i was in hopes he would1 for ,i always wanted to know40 ,this girl was naturally bright and intelligent2 but she had not been accustomed to attend to anything1 except what related to dress and personal appearance4 ,the descriptions of ,scottish scenery1 the workings of religious prejudice1 the intrigues of political faction1 the faithful pictures of life and manners1 were all lost upon her4 ,she did not observe them1 because she had never formed the habit of observing4 ,she read through these two volumes1 so full of historical interest1 without feeling interested in anything but the color of ,queen ,mary's hair4' ,had she never read more than half a dozen books in her life1 and been called upon to give a faithful account of them1 it would have been impossible for her to be so entirely unobserving of the beauties of that admirable work4 ,to conclude1 ,i would suggest that it is better to have a few good books than many middling ones4 ,it is not well for young people to have a great variety4 ,if there are but few books in the house1 and those are interesting1 they will be read over and over again1 and well remembered4 ,a perpetual succession of new works induces a habit of reading hastily and carelessly2 and1 of course1 their contents are either forgotten1 or jumbled up in the memory in an indistinct and useless form4 ,franklin said wisely1 #8,any book that is worth reading once1 is worth reading twice2' and there is much good sense in the ,roman maxim1 #8,read much1 but do not read many books4'#c ,,footnotes3 #b ,in justice to one of the very best of ,american writers1 ,i would remark that the book in question has no other fault than being about naughty children4 ,it is very natural and entertaining4 ,,chap4 ,,viii4 ,,politeness4 ,in politeness1 as in many other things connected with the formation of character1 people in general begin outside1 when they should begin inside2 instead of beginning with the heart1 and trusting that to form the manners1 they begin with the manners1 and trust the heart to chance influences4 ,the golden rule contains the very life and soul of politeness4 ,children may be taught to make a graceful courtesy1 or a gentlemanly bow1--but1 unless they have likewise been taught to abhor what is selfish1 and always prefer another's comfort and pleasure to their own1 their politeness will be entirely artificial1 and used only when it is their interest to use it4 ,on the other hand1 a truly benevolent1 kind-hearted person will always be distinguished for what is called native politeness1 though entirely ignorant of the conventional forms of society4 ,i by no means think graceful manners of small importance4 ,they are the outward form of refinement in the mind1 and good affections in the heart2 and as such must be lovely4 ,but when the form exists without the vital principle within1 it is as cold and lifeless as flowers carved in marble4 ,politeness1 either of feeling or of manner1 can never be taught by set maxims4 ,every-day influence1 so unconsciously exerted1 is all important in forming the characters of children3 and in nothing more important than in their manners4 ,if you are habitually polite1 your children will become so1 by the mere force of imitation1 without any specific directions on the subject4 ,your manners at home should always be such as you wish your family to have in company4 ,politeness will then be natural to them2 they will possess it without thinking about it4 ,but when certain outward observances are urged in words1 as important only because they make us pleasing1 they assume an undue importance1 and the unworthiness of the motive fosters selfishness4 ,besides1 if our own manners are not habitually consistent with the rules we give1 they will be of little avail2 they will in all probability be misunderstood1 and will certainly be forgotten4 ,i1 at this moment1 recollect an anecdote1 which plainly shows that politeness cannot be shuffled on at a moment's warning1 like a garment long out of use4 ,a worthy1 but somewhat vulgar woman1 residing in a secluded village1 expected a visit from strangers of some distinction4 ,on the spur of the occasion1 she called her children together1 and said1 #8,after ,i have dressed you up1 you must sit very still1 till the company comes2 and then you must be sure to get up and make your bows and courtesies2 and you must mind and say 8,yes1 ma'am10 and 8,no1 ma'am0--8,yes1 sir10 and 8,no1 sir0--8,i thank you40' ,the visitors arrived--and the children1 seated together like #8four and twenty little dogs all of a row1' uprose at once1 bobbed their bows and courtesies1 and jabbered over1 #8,yes1 ma'am--no1 ma'am--yes1 sir--no1 sir--,i thank you--,there1 mother now we've done it6' ,foreigners charge us with a want of courtesy to each other in our usual intercourse2 and ,i believe there is some truth in the accusation4 ,on all great occasions1 the ,americans are ready1 heart and hand1 to assist each other2 but how much more gracefully and happily the ,french manage in the ten thousand petty occurrences of life6 ,and1 after all1 life is made up of small events4 ,the golden chain of existence is composed of innumerable little links2 and if we rudely break them1 we injure its strength1 as well as mar its beauty4 ,the happiest married couples ,i have ever known were those who were scrupulous in paying to each other a thousand minute attentions1 generally thought too trifling to be of any importance2 and yet on these very trifles depended their continued love for each other4 ,a birth-day present1 accompanied with a kind look or word--reserving for each other the most luxurious fruit1 or the most comfortable chair--nay1 even the habit of always saying1 #8,will you have the goodness8' and #8,thank you'--all these seemingly trivial things have a great effect on domestic felicity1 and on the manners of children4 ,early habits of preferring others to ourselves are very important4 ,a child should always be taught to give away the largest slice of his apple1 or his cake1 and to take his whistle immediately from his mouth1 if a sick little brother or sister is anxious for it4 ,i believe the easy and natural politeness of the ,french may in a great measure be attributed to their remarkable care in forming such early habits of self-denial4 ,i cordially approve of the good old fashion of never saying #8,yes1' or #8,no1' to those older than ourselves4 ,it appears to me peculiarly proper and becoming for young persons always to rise when addressed by those whose age or character demands respect4 ,i am surprised to see how seldom the young give an aged person the inner side of the walk1 when they meet in the street2 and still more so when ,i see them unceremoniously push by their elders1 while entering or leaving a room4 ,it is a graceful habit for children to say to each other1 #8,will you have the goodness8'--and #8,i thank you4' ,i do not like to see prim1 artificial children2 there are few things ,i dislike so much as a miniature beau1 or belle4 ,but the habit of good manners by no means implies affectation or restraint4 ,it is quite as easy to say1 #8,please to give me a piece of pie1' as to say1 #8,i want a piece of pie4' ,the idea that constant politeness would render social life too stiff and restrained1 springs from a false estimate of politeness4 ,true politeness is perfect ease and freedom4 ,it simply consists in treating others just as you love to be treated yourself4 ,a person who acts from this principle will always be said to have #8sweet pretty ways with her4' ,it is of some consequence that your daughter should know how to enter and leave a room gracefully2 but it is of prodigiously more consequence that she should be in the habit of avoiding whatever is disgusting or offensive to others1 and of always preferring their pleasure to her own4 ,if she has the last1 a very little intercourse with the world will teach her the first4 ,i believe nothing tends to make people so awkward as too much anxiety to please others4 ,nature is graceful2 and affectation1 with all her art1 can never produce any thing half so pleasing4 ,the very perfection of elegance is to imitate nature as closely as possible2 and how much better it is to have the reality than the imitation6 ,i shall probably be reminded that the best and most unaffected people are often constrained and awkward in company to which they are unaccustomed4 ,i answer1 the reason is1 they do not act themselves--they are afraid they shall not do right1 and that very fear makes them do wrong4 ,anxiety about the opinion of others fetters the freedom of nature4 ,at home1 where they act from within themselves1 they would appear a thousand times better4 ,all would appear well1 if they never tried to assume what they did not possess4 ,everybody is respectable and pleasing so long as he is perfectly natural4 ,i will make no exception--,nature is always graceful4 ,the most secluded and the most ignorant have some charm about them1 so long as they affect nothing--so long as they speak and act from the impulses of their own honest hearts1 without any anxiety as to what others think of it4 ,coarseness and vulgarity are the effects of education and habit2 they cannot be charged upon nature4 ,true politeness may be cherished in the hovel as well as in the palace2 and the most tattered drapery cannot conceal its winning charms4 ,as far as is consistent with your situation and duties1 early accustom your children to an intercourse with strangers4 ,i have seen young persons who were respectful and polite at home1 seized with a most painful and unbecoming bashfulness1 as soon as a guest entered4 ,to avoid this evil1 allow children to accompany you as often as possible1 when you make calls and social visits4 ,occasional interviews with intelligent and cultivated individuals have a great influence on early character and manners1 particularly if parents evidently place a high value upon acquaintances of that description4 ,i have known the destiny of a whole family changed for the better1 by the friendship of one of its members with a person of superior advantages and correct principles4 ,but it must be remembered that a call1 or a social visit1 may be made almost as injurious as a party1 if children are encouraged in showing off1 or constantly habituated to hearing themselves talked about4 ,much as the failing has been observed and laughed at1 it is still too common for mothers to talk a great deal about their children4 ,the weariness with which strangers listen to such domestic accounts is a slight evil compared with the mischief done to children1 by inducing them to think themselves of so much importance3 they should never be taught to consider themselves of any consequence1 except at home in the bosom of their own families4 ,nothing tends to foster the genuine politeness which springs from good feeling1 so much as scrupulous attention to the aged4 ,there is something extremely delightful and salutary in the free and happy intercourse of the old and young4 ,the freshness and enthusiasm of youth cheers the dreariness of age2 and age can return the benefit a hundred fold1 by its mild maxims of experience and wisdom4 ,in this country1 youth and age are too much separated2 the young flock together1 and leave the old to themselves4 ,we seem to act upon the principle that there cannot be sympathy between these two extremes of life2 whereas there may be1 in fact1 a most charming sympathy--a sympathy more productive of mutual benefit than any other in the world4 ,the aged1 from the loneliness of their situation1 the want of active employment1 and an enfeebled state of health1 are apt to look upon the world with a gloomy eye2 and sometimes their gloom is not unmixed with bitterness3 hence arises the complaint of their harshness and asperity towards the follies of youth4 ,these evils1 so naturally growing out of their isolated situation1 would seldom gain power over the old1 if they were accustomed to gentleness1 attention1 and deference from the young2 they would be softened by juvenile love1 and cheered by juvenile gaiety4 ,such intercourse sheds a quiet brightness on the decline of life1 like sunshine on a weather-beaten tree1 or a moss-covered dwelling4 ,what is there on earth more beautiful than an aged person full of content and benevolence6 ,in ,china1 it is the custom for young people always to stand with head uncovered in the presence of their seniors4 ,perhaps this is carrying the outward forms of respect to an inconvenient excess2 but the principle is true to nature and goodness4 ,the mere circumstance of being old should insure peculiar deference and attention even from strangers4 ,it is considered a sign of a good heart to love little children2 ,i think spontaneous kindness for the aged is a much better proof4 ,i have seen gentlemen1 who1 in mixed companies1 always bestowed the largest share of attention upon the old and neglected4--,had ,i a beloved daughter1 ,i would choose such a man for her husband4 ,the ,german custom of giving ,christmas presents to parents1 brothers1 and sisters1 has a happy influence upon the affections1 and of course upon the manners4 ,the enjoyment is entirely anti-selfish--it consists in the experience1 that #8it is more blessed to give than to receive4' ,what can be purer than the eager pleasure of a group of children busy in preparing a gift for a parent1 and anxious to keep their little secret1 in order to produce a joyful surprise8 ,if their offerings are of their own manufacture1 a double good is produced2 both ingenuity and love are excited1 and the motive that excites them is holy4 ,it has a good effect for parents to place a superior value upon whatever children make themselves--such as all the varieties of needle-books1 pin-cushions1 boxes1 c4 ,one very prevalent fault among children is a want of politeness to domestics4 ,young people should not1 from mere whim and caprice1 be allowed to make demands upon the time and patience of those who are hired to attend upon the family4 ,they should make no unnecessary trouble in the kitchen2 and when they ask for anything1 they should speak politely--saying1 #8,will you have the goodness8' #8,i thank you1' c4 ,such conduct greatly tends to make domestics more respectful1 kind1 and obliging4 ,miss ,edgeworth1 in her work on ,education1 recommends that children should never be allowed to speak a single word to a servant2 and that they should be kept in a part of the house entirely remote1 for fear of contamination4 ,such a system cannot be carried into effect in this country2 and ,i am thankful it cannot4 ,a child cannot know the nature of such an injunction1--his inexperienced mind cannot form an idea of the frightful and vulgar stories his mother dreads his hearing in the kitchen4 ,he is told not to talk with the domestics1 and he at once conceives an idea of superiority1 and thinks he is not bound to pay any regard to their feelings or happiness4 ,this principle is a bad one1 under any form of government2 but in our country its application is peculiarly preposterous2 for those who are servants now may be mistresses next year2 and those who keep domestics now may be domestics hereafter4 ,still1 ,i think it is very injurious to children to form a habit of staying in the kitchen2 not on account of any difference in station1--but because we change domestics so frequently in this country1 and must necessarily be often uncertain as to their habits and principles4 ,if ,i were sure that a girl was conscientious1 and never told vulgar or superstitious stories1 ,i should be perfectly willing to trust children of any age to her influence4 ,and even if she were a stranger to me1 ,i would never forbid a child's going into the kitchen1 or advise him not to talk with her4 ,i should rather he would run the risk of hearing a vulgar1 or superstitious story1 than to infest his spirit with pride4 ,but though ,i would never give children any rules to this effect1 ,i would by a silent influence keep them with myself as much as possible4 ,i would make the parlor pleasant to them--,i would supply them with interesting employment--,i would do everything to promote full confidence and companionship between them and their parents--,i would make the bond between brothers and sisters strong1 by fostering mutual love1 by teaching them to speak politely1 to act kindly1 to regard each other's wants1 and respect each other's property4 ,by these means1 the mind and the heart would be so occupied1 that children would have no temptation to spend their evenings in the kitchen4 ,but my motive for pursuing such a guarded course1 would be no idea of superiority 7for ,i acknowledge none1 but degrees of goodness72 ,i would withdraw them from the influence of domestics merely because there is a chance that such influence will be impure4 ,if ,i were certain of the good principles and judicious conversation of a girl1 ,i should not deem precaution necessary4 ,and one thing is certain1--a domestic who is worthy of being kept in your house1 is worthy of being treated with kindness and perfect politeness2 and children should be early instructed never to speak rudely1 or make unnecessary demands upon her time and patience4 ,i am aware that there are peculiar difficulties attending this relation in our republican country1--there is mutually too much jealousy of being encroached upon4 ,but it is one of the evils which grow out of a multitude of blessings2 and whether a domestic be ungrateful or not1 it will be a satisfaction that you have done your duty1 and taught your children to do theirs4 ,in connexion with politeness1 ,i would again allude to the great importance of habits of observation4 ,what is called native politeness is entirely the result of kind feelings combined with habits of attention4 ,everybody has observed that men of the world have a wonderful facility in adapting themselves to all varieties of character4 ,their faculty of pleasing everybody seems like instinct1 yet1 in fact1 it is merely the result of close observation4 ,people who have bad hearts can attain this power1 and exert it when they choose1 from no other excitement but vanity1 or self-interest4 ,but this is no reason why the same power should not be exerted to good purposes1 and with good motives4 ,a ready discrimination of character is attained by habits of observation2 and merely from a want of these habits1 excellent hearted people often make blunders painful to themselves and others4 ,we all know by our own feelings1 that it is not pleasant to have the attention of strangers called to any personal defect we may have2 yet well meaning people will sometimes strangely persist in such conversation4--,they will not only ask what produced a scar1 but they will insist upon knowing how long you have been troubled with it1 whether the distemper is hereditary in your family1 and whether you ever expect it will appear again4 ,it is a chance if they do not gratuitously add stories of half a dozen individuals1 who died of the same disorder1 or bestowed it upon their children4 ,some people are singularly perverse in praising such qualities as their hearers do not possess1 and perhaps have no means of possessing4 ,for instance1 talking to the poor about the great power and influence of wealth1--enlarging upon the prodigious advantages of intelligence and learning to the uneducated--and flying into raptures about beauty in presence of the ugly and deformed4 ,now1 in all these instances1 a little attention to the movements of our own minds would teach us at once how to apply the golden rule4 ,in our intercourse with others1 it should be our object to discover what they wish to hear1 not what we wish to say4 ,literary people are often unpleasant companions in mixed society1 because they frequently have not the power of adapting themselves to others4 ,they have given their attention to books more than to characters2 and they talk on such subjects as please themselves1 without thinking whether they will please others4 ,what is called affectation and pedantry1 is half the time mere heedlessness and want of observation4 ,mrs4 ,madison was esteemed the most thoroughly polite woman in ,america4 ,others might perhaps enter a room as gracefully1 or superintend at table with as much dignity2 the secret of her power lay in her wonderful adaptation to all sorts of characters4 ,she was emphatically an observing woman4 ,as ,jefferson had no wife1 she presided sixteen years at ,washington2#d during all which time1 she is said never to have forgotten the most trifling peculiarities of character1 that had once come under her observation3 she always remembered them1 and fashioned her conversation accordingly4 ,some may object to the exercise of this power1 lest it should lead to insincerity2 and the charge may well be brought against that kind of false politeness1 which springs merely from a love of popularity4 ,politeness is not the only good thing corrupted by an unworthy motive2 all precious coins have a counterfeit4 ,when we are polite to others entirely for our own sakes1 we are deceitful2 nothing selfish has truth and goodness in it4 ,but there is such a thing as true politeness1 always kind1 but never deceitful4 ,it is right to cherish good-will toward all our fellow-creatures1 and to endeavor to make them as happy as we conscientiously can4 ,the outward forms of politeness are but the expressions of such feelings as should be in every human heart4 ,it would be wrong to tell people we love them dearly1 when in fact we know nothing about them2 or to urge them to visit our houses1 when we do not want to see them4 ,but we are bound to be kind and attentive to all our fellow-creatures1 when they come in our way1 and to avoid giving them any unnecessary pain1 by our manners or conversation4 ,in order to teach children the right sort of politeness1 it must be taught through the agency of a pure motive4 ,they should not be taught to observe and respect the feelings of others for the sake of making themselves pleasing1 but merely because it is kind and benevolent to do so4 ,if ,i saw a child point out the patched or ragged garment of a poor companion1 ,i would not say1 #8,you must not laugh at her clothes2 if you do1 she will think you are proud'--,i would say1 #8,it grieves me very much to see you so unkind4 ,if your mother were poor1 and could not afford to get you new clothes1 would it not hurt your feelings to be laughed at8 ,does not the ,bible tell you to do to others as you would wish to have them do to you8 ,you must observe this precious rule in little things1 as well as in great things4' ,from the foregoing hints1 it will be seen that true politeness is the spontaneous movement of a good heart and an observing mind4 ,benevolence will teach us tenderness towards the feelings of others1 and habits of observation will enable us to judge promptly and easily what those feelings are4 ,outward politeness can be learned in set forms at school2 but at the best1 it will be hollow and deceptive4 ,genuine politeness1 like everything else that is genuine1 must come from the heart4 ,,footnotes3 #c ,pliny1 who gave this advice1 lived long before the invention of printing2 if such a precaution were necessary then1 what would he say now8 #d ,when the president has no wife1 or daughter1 at ,washington1 the lady of the highest officer in the cabinet presides at the mansion on all state occasions4 ,,chap4 ,,ix4 ,,beauty4--,,dress4--,,gentility4 ,wherever there is hypocrisy1 or an apparent necessity for hypocrisy1 there is something wrong4 ,in the management of children1 are we sincere on the subject of beauty8 ,when we see a handsome person1 or a handsome animal1 they hear us eagerly exclaim1 #8,oh1 how beautiful6' #8,what a lovely creature6' #8,what pretty eyes6' #8,what a sweet mouth6' c4 ,yet when children say anything about beauty1 we tell them it is of no value at all--that they must not think anything about beauty--#8handsome is that handsome does1' c4 ,the influence would be very contradictory1 did not the eagerness of our exclamations and the coldness of our moral lessons both tend to the same result2 they both give children an idea that the subject is of great importance4 #8,mother tells me beauty is of no consequence1 because she thinks ,i shall be vain2 but ,i am sure she and everybody else seem to think it is of consequence1' said a shrewd little girl of ten years old4 ,it certainly is natural to admire beauty1 whether it be in human beings1 animals1 or flowers2 it is a principle implanted within the human mind1 and we cannot get rid of it4 ,beauty is the outward form of goodness2 and that is the reason we love it instinctively1 without thinking why we love it4 ,the truth is1 beauty is really of some consequence2 but of very small consequence compared with good principles1 good feelings1 and good understanding4 ,in this manner children ought to hear it spoken of4 ,there should be no affected indifference on this or any other subject4 ,if a child should say1 #8,everybody loves ,jane ,snow--she is so pretty1' ,i would answer1 #8,is ,jane ,snow a good1 kind little girl8 ,i should be pleased with her pretty face1 and should want to kiss her1 when ,i first saw her2 but if ,i found she was cross and selfish1 ,i should not love her2 and ,i should not wish to have her about me4' ,in this way the attention will be drawn from the subject of beauty1 to the importance of goodness2 and there is no affectation in the business--the plain truth is told4 ,we do love beauty at first sight2 and we do cease to love it1 if it be not accompanied by amiable qualities4 ,beauty is so much more obvious than the qualities of the mind and heart1 and meets so much more of spontaneous admiration1 that we should be very much on our guard against increasing the value of a gift1 which is almost unavoidably over-rated4 ,but we must remember that our common and involuntary modes of speaking are what form the opinions of a child2 moral maxims have little1 or no effect1 if they are in opposition to our usual manner of speaking and acting4 ,for this reason1 ,i would never call attention to beauty2 and if dwelt upon with delighted eagerness by others1 ,i would always remark1 #8,she looks as if she had a sweet disposition1 or a bright mind1'--thus leading the attention from mere outward loveliness to moral and intellectual beauty4 ,i would even avoid constantly urging a child to put on a bonnet1 lest she should be tanned4 ,i should prefer the simple reason1 #8,it is proper to wear a bonnet out of doors2 don't you know mother always wears one1 when she goes out8' ,i would rather a girl should have her face tanned and freckled by heat1 than have her mind tanned and freckled by vanity4 ,perhaps there is no gift with which mortals are endowed1 that brings so much danger as beauty1 in proportion to the usefulness and happiness it produces4 ,it is so rare for a belle to be happy1 or even contented1 after the season of youth is past1 that it is considered almost a miracle4 ,if your daughter is handsome1 it is peculiarly necessary that she should not be taught to attach an undue importance to the dangerous gift2 and if she is plain1 it certainly is not for her happiness to consider it as a misfortune4 ,for the reasons above given1 ,i would restrain myself in expressing admiration of beauty2 and when others expressed it1 ,i would always ask1 #8,is she good8' #8,is she amiable8' c4 ,i would even act upon this system toward a very little child4 ,i would not praise the beauty of his kitten2 and if he himself said1 #8,oh1 what a pretty puss6 ,how ,i love her6' ,i would answer1 #8,she is a pretty puss1 and a good puss4 ,if she were cross1 and scratched me every time ,i touched her1 ,i should not love her1 though her fur is so pretty4' ,all this caution is perfectly consistent with truth4 ,i would never say that beauty was of no consequence in my opinion2 because ,i could not say it truly4 ,with regard to dress1 as in most other cases1 a medium between two extremes is desirable4 ,a love of finery and display is a much more common fault than neglect of personal appearance2 both should be avoided4 ,some parents teach their children to judge everybody's merit by their dress2 they do not of course say it1 in so many direct words--but their influence produces that effect4 ,what else can be the result of hearing such expressions as the following8--#8,mr4 ---- is very much of a gentleman2 he is always remarkably well dressed4' #8,is such a lady a desirable acquaintance8 ,i presume she is2 for she is always very genteelly dressed4' ,there are some people1 who go to the opposite extreme1 and represent any attention to dress as unworthy of a strong mind2 becoming costume is in their eyes a mark of frivolity4 ,i hardly know which of the two extremes is the worse4 ,extravagance in dress does great mischief both to fortune and character2 but want of neatness1 and want of taste are peculiarly disgusting4 ,if finery betrays a frivolous mind1 sluttishness and bad taste certainly betray an ill-regulated one4 ,neatness and taste naturally proceed from a love of order4 ,a mother should not talk about dress1 for the same reasons that she should not talk about beauty2 but she should be careful to have her own dress always neat1 and well-fitted1 and to show a pure and delicate taste in the choice of colors4 ,by these means1 children will form the habit of dressing well1 without ever thinking much about it2 the habit will be so early formed1 that it will seem like a gift of nature4 ,miss ,hamilton gives1 in one short sentence1 all that can be said upon the subject2 she says1 #8,always dress in good taste2 but let your children see that it employs very little of your time1 less of your thoughts1 and none at all of your affections4' ,the wish to place children in as good society as possible is natural and proper2 but it must be remembered that genteel society is not always good society4 ,if your manners and conversation imply more respect for wealth than for merit1 your children1 of course1 will choose their acquaintance and friends according to the style they can support1 not according to character4 ,let your family see that you most desire the acquaintance of those who have correct principles1 good manners1 and the power of imparting information4 ,i have heard mothers say1 #8,to be sure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- do not bear a very good character2 but they live in a great deal of style2 they give beautiful parties2 and it is very convenient to have the friendship of such people4' ,what sort of morality can be expected of a family who have been accustomed to such maxims8 ,what heartless1 selfish1 unprincipled beings are formed by such lessons6 ,if they do not succeed in attaining the splendor they have been taught to covet1 they will be envious1 jealous1 and miserable2 if they do attain it1 the most that can be said is1 they will spend their thousands in trying to appear happy before the world4 ,human ambition and human policy labor after happiness in vain2 goodness is the only foundation to build upon4 ,the wisdom of past ages declares this truth1 and our own observation confirms it2 all the world acknowledge it2 yet how few1 how very few1 are willing to act upon it6 ,we say we believe goodness is always happiness1 in every situation of life1 and that happiness should be our chief study2 we know that wealth and distinction do not bring happiness2 but we are anxious our children should possess them1 because they appear to confer enjoyment4 ,what a motive for immortal beings6 ,if the inordinate love of wealth and parade be not checked among us1 it will be the ruin of our country1 as it has been1 and will be1 the ruin of thousands of individuals4 ,what restlessness1 what discontent1 what bitterness1 what knavery and crime1 have been produced by this eager passion for money6 ,mothers6 as you love your children1 and wish for their happiness1 be careful how you cherish this unquiet spirit1 by speaking and acting as if you thought wealth the greatest good4 ,teach them to consider money valuable only for its use2 and that it confers respectability only when it is used well4 ,teach them to regard their childish property as things held in trust for the benefit and pleasure of their companions--that the only purpose of having anything to call their own is that they may use it for the good of others4 ,if this spirit were more inculcated1 we should not hear children so often say1 #8,let that alone2 it is mine1 and you sha'n't have it4' ,neither should we see such an unprincipled scrambling for wealth--such willingness to cast off the nearest and dearest relations in the pursuit of fashion--such neglect of unfortunate merit--and such servile adulation to successful villany4 ,i will not mention religion1--for its maxims have nothing in common with worldly and selfish policy1--,i will simply ask what republicanism there is in such rules of conduct8 ,but there are always two sides to a question4 ,if it is pernicious to make money and style the standard of respectability1 it is likewise injurious and wrong to foster a prejudice against the wealthy and fashionable4 ,if we experience the slightest degree of pleasure in discovering faults or follies in those above us1 there certainly is something wrong in our own hearts4 ,never say to your family1 #8,such a one feels above us'--#8,such a one is too proud to come and see us'--c4 ,in the first place1 perhaps it is not true2 7for ,i know by experience that the poor are apt to be unreasonably suspicious of the rich2 they begin by being cold and proud to their wealthy acquaintance1 for fear the wealthy mean to be cold and proud to them27 and even if it be true that a rich neighbor is haughty1 or even insolent1 you should be careful not to indulge bad passions1 because he does4 ,your business is with your own heart--keep that pure--and measure out to the rich man1 as well as the poor man1 just as much of respect and regard as their characters deserve1 and no more4 ,do not suffer your mind to brood over the external distinctions of society4 ,neither seek nor avoid those who are superior in fortune2 meet them on the same ground as you do the rest of your fellow-creatures4 ,there is a dignified medium between cringing for notice1 and acting like a cat that puts up her back and spits1 when no dog is coming4 ,perhaps ,i say more on this subject than is necessary or useful4 ,i am induced to say it1 from having closely observed the effect produced on society by the broad and open field of competition in this country4 ,all blessings are accompanied with disadvantages2 and it is the business of the judicious to take the good and leave the evil4 ,in this country1 every man can make his own station4 ,this is indeed a blessing4 ,but what are some of the attendant dangers8 ,look at that parent1 who is willing to sacrifice her comfort1 her principles1 nay1 even her pride1 for the sake of pushing her children into a little higher rank of life4 ,look at another1 too independent for such a course4 ,hear how he loves to rail about the aristocracy--how much pleasure he takes in showing contempt of the rich4 ,is his own heart right8 ,i fear not4 ,i fear that unbending independence1 so honorable in itself1 is mixed with a baser feeling4 ,the right path is between extremes4 ,i would never creep under a door1 neither would ,i refuse to enter when it was opened wide for my reception4 ,poverty and wealth have different temptations1 but they are equally strong4 ,the rich are tempted to pride and insolence2 the poor to jealousy and envy4 ,the envious and discontented poor invariably become haughty and overbearing when rich2 for selfishness is equally at the bottom of these opposite evils4 ,indeed1 it is at the bottom of all manner of evils4 ,,chap4 ,x4 ,,management ,,during ,,the ,,teens4 ,the period from twelve to sixteen years of age is extremely critical in the formation of character1 particularly with regard to daughters4 ,the imagination is then all alive1 and the affections are in full vigor1 while the judgment is unstrengthened by observation1 and enthusiasm has never learned moderation of experience4 ,during this important period1 a mother cannot be too watchful4 ,as much as possible1 she should keep a daughter under her own eye2 and1 above all things1 she should encourage entire confidence towards herself4 ,this can be done by a ready sympathy with youthful feelings1 and by avoiding all unnecessary restraint and harshness4 ,i believe it is extremely natural to choose a mother in preference to all other friends and confidants2 but if a daughter1 by harshness1 indifference1 or an unwillingness to make allowance for youthful feeling1 is driven from the holy resting place1 which nature has provided for her security1 the greatest danger is to be apprehended4 ,nevertheless1 ,i would not have mothers too indulgent1 for fear of weaning the affections of children4 ,this is not the way to gain the perfect love of young people2 a judicious parent is always better beloved1 and more respected1 than a foolishly indulgent one4 ,the real secret is1 for a mother never to sanction the slightest error1 or imprudence1 but at the same time to keep her heart warm and fresh1 ready to sympathize with all the innocent gaiety and enthusiasm of youth4 ,salutary restraint1 but not unnecessary restraint1 is desirable4 ,i will now proceed to state what appears to me peculiarly important at the age ,i have mentioned2 and ,i trust the hints ,i may suggest will prove acceptable to judicious parents4 ,heedlessness is so commonly the fault of the teens1 that ,i shall first mention the great importance of habits of order1 and neatness4 ,the drawers1 trunks and work-box of a young lady should be occasionally inspected1 for the purpose of correcting any tendency to wastefulness1 or sluttishness4 ,particular care should be taken of the teeth2 they should be washed with a clean brush and water at least twice a day2 to cleanse them just before retiring to rest promotes sweetness of breath1 and tends to preserve them from decay4 ,buttons off1 muslins wrinkled1 the petticoat below the edge of the gown1 shoe-strings broken1 and hair loose and straggling1 should never pass unnoticed4 ,serious advice from a father on these subjects does more good than anything else4 ,smooth1 well arranged hair1 and feet perfectly neat1 give a genteel1 tasteful appearance to the whole person4 ,a dress distinguished for simplicity and freshness is abundantly more lady-like than the ill-placed furbelows of fashion4 ,it is very common to see vulgar1 empty-minded people perpetually changing their dresses1 without ever acquiring the air of a gentlewoman4 ,if there is simplicity in the choice of colors1--if clothes fit well1 and are properly pinned1 tied and arranged1--if they always have a neat1 fresh look1--and above all1 if the head and the feet are always in order1--nothing more is required for a perfectly lady-like appearance4 ,nothing tends to produce a love of order so much as the very early habits of observation1 and attention to trifles1 which ,i have so particularly urged in various parts of this book4 ,i would teach a daughter to observe such trifling things as the best manner of opening a new piece of tape2 and ,i would take every precaution to conquer the spirit that leads young people to say #8,i don't care1' #8,no matter how it is done1'--c4 ,i have1 in a previous chapter1 spoken of the effect which habits of observation have upon politeness of manner2 and ,i cannot1 while speaking of an age peculiarly liable to affectation1 pass by the subject of good manners without saying a few words more concerning that most disgusting and injurious fault4 ,let all your influence be exerted to check the slightest appearance of affectation4 ,no matter whether it be affectation of goodness1 of learning1 of sentimentality1 of enthusiasm1 of simplicity1 or of gracefulness4--,it will start up in a multitude of new forms1 like the fabled heads of the hydra--but cut them off unsparingly4 ,this fault1 with its most artful covering1 is easily detected2 nature has a quiet sincerity about her1 that cannot be mistaken1 or counterfeited4 ,an absence of all anxiety to appear well1 is the very surest way to be attractive4 ,an entire forgetfulness of self1 and a good-natured wish to oblige and amuse others1 produce a feeling of ease in company1 and more effectually give the stamp of refined society1 than all the affectation and finery in the world4 ,bashfulness is very unbecoming and awkward1 while modesty is peculiarly fascinating to every one4 ,people are bashful when they are thinking about themselves and are anxious to appear well2 they are modest when they forget themselves1 and are simply willing to do what they can to make others happy4 ,proud people1 unless they have long been accustomed to taking the lead in society1 are very apt to be bashful2 modesty and humility generally go together4 ,selfishness is the cause of bashfulness1 as well as of more serious evils4 ,habits of order should be carried into expenses4 ,from the time children are twelve years old1 they should keep a regular account of what they receive1 and what they expend4 ,this will produce habits of care1 and make them think whether they employ their money usefully4 ,it is an excellent plan for a father1 at the beginning of the year1 to state what he is willing each child1 older than twelve1 should expend per quarter4 ,at first1 the greater part might be under a mother's direction1 for clothes1 and other necessaries2 and only a small portion be at the disposal of the child4 ,in this way1 a father knows certainly what he expends for each2 and domestic discord is not likely to be produced by bills unexpectedly large4 ,when the arrangement is once made1 nothing should be added2 the idea of being helped out of difficulties brought on by thoughtlessness and extravagance1 would defeat the express purpose of an allowance4 ,a mother can generally tell very nearly what it is necessary and proper for a daughter to expend yearly2 if you find you really have not allowed enough1 make larger provision the next year2 but never add to what was originally agreed upon1 except under very extraordinary circumstances4 ,at sixteen years of age1 or perhaps sooner1 where there is great maturity of character1 a young lady may be profited by being trusted with the whole of her allowance1 to spend at discretion2 always1 however1 rendering an exact account to her parents1 at the end of the year4 ,some may think such a system could be pursued only by the wealthy2 but it is no matter whether the quarterly allowance is fifty dollars1 or fifty cents--the principle is the same4 ,the responsibility implied by such trust gives children more self-respect1 and self-command2 it helps them to remember how much they owe to the generosity of parents2 and checks their heedlessness in the expenditure of money4 ,but its most important use is in teaching them to be really benevolent4 ,children who go to a parent and ask for things to give away1 may know what kind impulses are1 but they know nothing about real benevolence of principle4 ,true generosity is a willingness to deny ourselves for the benefit of others--to give up something of our own1 that we really like1 for the sake of doing good4 ,if a child has a quarter of a dollar a month to expend1 and gives half of it to a poor sick neighbor1 instead of laying it up to buy a book1 or a trinket1 he knows more of real benevolence1 than could be taught by all the books and maxims in the world4 ,when you know of any such action1 let a child see that it increases your affection and respect4 ,do not let the hurry of business1 or the pressure of many cares1 keep you from expressing marked approbation4 ,human nature is weak1 and temptation strong4 ,young people need to be cheered onward in the path of goodness2 and they should never be disappointed in the innocent expectation of giving pleasure to a parent4 ,but do not praise them in the presence of others2 and do not say much about it1 as if it were any great thing--merely treat them with unusual affection and confidence4 ,do not compensate their benevolence by making them presents4 ,this will lead them into temptation4 ,it will no longer be self-denial in them to give2 for they will be sure they shall lose nothing in the end4 ,they should learn to take pleasure in losing their own gratifications for the benefit of others4 ,one very good effect resulting from keeping an exact account of expenses1 had well nigh escaped my memory4 ,should your daughter ever become a wife1 this habit will enable her to conform more easily to her husband's income4 ,a great deal of domestic bitterness has been produced by a wife's not knowing1 or not thinking1 how much she expends4 ,every prudent man wishes to form some calculation about the expenses of his family2 and this he cannot do1 if a wife keeps no accounts1 or keeps them irregularly4 ,in connexion with this subject1 ,i would urge the vast importance of a thorough knowledge of arithmetic among women4 ,it is a study that greatly tends to strengthen the mind1 and produce careful habits of thought2 and no estate can be settled without it4 ,in ,england and ,france1 it is no uncommon thing for the wife of a great manufacturer or merchant to be his head clerk4 ,an ,american lady1 now residing in ,paris1 is said to be an invaluable partner to her wealthy husband1 on account of her perfect knowledge of his extensive business1 and the exact and judicious manner in which she conducts affairs during his absence4 ,i do not wish to see ,american women taking business out of the hands of men2 but ,i wish they were all capable of doing business1 or settling an estate1 when it is necessary4 ,for this purpose1 a very thorough knowledge of book-keeping should be attained2 both the old and the new system should be learned4 ,nor should a general knowledge of the laws connected with the settlement of estates be neglected4 ,every young person ought to be well acquainted with the contents of ,sullivan's ,political ,class-,book4 ,many a widow and orphan has been cheated in consequence of ignorance on these subjects4 ,should your daughter never have an estate to settle1 or business to transact1 her knowledge of arithmetic1 book-keeping and penmanship may be valuable to her as a means of support4 ,i do think children should be brought up with a dread of being dependent on the bounty of others4 ,some young ladies think it a degradation to support themselves2 and to avoid it1 they are willing to stay with any relation1 who will furnish them a home4 ,this is not indulging a right spirit4 ,we ought to be resigned and cheerful in a dependent situation1 when we cannot possibly provide for ourselves2 but a willingness to burthen others1 when we can help it by a little exertion1 is not resignation--it is mere pride and indolence4 ,next to a love of usefulness1 knowledge should be valued because it multiplies our resources in case of poverty4 ,this unwillingness to subsist on the bounty of others should not be taught as a matter of pride1 but of principle2 it should proceed from an unwillingness to take away the earnings of others1 without rendering some equivalent1 and a reluctance to share what properly belongs to the more unfortunate and needy4 ,there is nothing selfish in this4 ,it springs from a real regard to the good of others4 ,i would make it an object so to educate children that they could1 in case of necessity1 support themselves respectably4 ,for this reason1 if a child discovered a decided talent for any accomplishment1 ,i would cultivate it1 if my income would possibly allow it4 ,everything we add to our knowledge1 adds to our means of usefulness4 ,if a girl have a decided taste for drawing1 for example1 and it be encouraged1 it is a pleasant resource1 which will make her home agreeable1 and lessen the desire for company and amusements2 if she marry1 it will enable her to teach her children without the expense of a master2 if she live unmarried1 she may gain a livelihood by teaching the art she at first learned as a mere gratification of taste4 ,the same thing may be said of music and a variety of other things1 not generally deemed necessary in education4 ,in all cases it is best that what is learned should be learned well4 ,in order to do this1 good masters should be preferred to cheap ones4 ,bad habits1 once learned1 are not easily corrected4 ,it is far better that children should learn one thing thoroughly1 than many things superficially4 ,make up your mind how much you can afford to spend for one particular thing2 and when you have decided that1 spend it as far as it will go in procuring really good teachers4 ,i believe this to be the best economy in the end4 ,it is better to take twelve lessons from a first rate ,french teacher1 than to take a hundred from one who does not know how to speak the language2 because in the latter case1 bad habits of pronunciation will be learned1 and probably never corrected4 ,the same thing is true of all kinds of knowledge1 solid or ornamental4 ,while speaking of acquirements1 ,i would again urge the great necessity of persevering in whatever pursuits are commenced4 ,time1 talent1 and money1 are often shamefully wasted by learning a variety of things imperfectly1 because they prove more difficult than was at first imagined2 and what is worst of all1 every individual instance of this kind1 strengthens the pernicious habit of being easily discouraged at obstacles4 ,a young lady should be very sure she knows her own mind before she begins any pursuit2 but when it is once begun1 it should be an unalterable law that she must persevere4 ,perhaps some parents of moderate fortune will ask if there is no danger of unfitting girls for the duties of their station1 and making them discontented with their situation in life1 by teaching them accomplishments merely ornamental4 ,for myself1 ,i do not believe that any kind of knowledge ever unfitted a person for the discharge of duty1 provided that knowledge was acquired from a right motive4 ,it is wonderful what different results the same thing will produce1 when the motives are different4 ,no matter what is learned1 provided it be acquired as a means of pleasing a parent1 of becoming useful to others1 or of acquiring a necessary support4 ,if you induce children to learn any particular thing for the sake of showing off1 or being as grand as their neighbors1 then1 indeed1 you will unfit them for their duties1 and make them discontented with their situation4 ,looking to others for our standard of happiness is the sure way to be miserable4 ,our business is with our own hearts1 and our own motives4 ,when ,i say that a decided talent for any pursuit should be encouraged1 ,i do not mean that every whim and caprice should be indulged4 ,mothers often talk about giving their daughters a taste for music1 and a taste for painting1 when in fact they only wish to excite in them a silly ambition to have as many accomplishments to show off1 as other girls have4 ,the consequence is1 such families undertake to do a multitude of things1 and do nothing well4 ,a good deal of money is spent to very little purpose2 for such young ladies do not really take pleasure in their employments2 and if left destitute1 they could not teach what they do not half understand4 ,my idea is this--,first1 be sure that children are familiar with all the duties of their present situation2 at the same time1 by schools1 by reading1 by conversation1 give them as much solid knowledge as you can1--no matter how much1 or of what kind1--it will come in use some time or other2 and lastly1 if your circumstances are easy1 and you can afford to indulge your children in any matter of taste1 do it fearlessly1 without any idea that it will unfit them for more important duties4 ,neither learning nor accomplishments do any harm to man or woman if the motive for acquiring them be a proper one2 on the contrary1 those who know most1 are apt to perform their duties best--provided the heart and the conscience have been educated as well as the understanding4 ,i believe a variety of knowledge 7acquired from such views as ,i have stated7 would make a man a better servant1 as well as a better president2 and make a woman a better wife1 as well as a better teacher4 ,a selfish use of riches leads to avarice1 pride1 and contempt of manual exertion2 a selfish use of knowledge leads to pedantry1 affectation1 unwillingness to conform to others1 and indolence in any pursuit not particularly pleasing to ourselves4 ,but the fault is not in the riches1 or the knowledge--the difficulty lies in the selfish use of these advantages4 ,if both were held in trust1 as a means of doing good1 how different would be the result6 ,for this reason1 ,i should never wish children to learn anything because some of their companions were learning it4 ,i would always offer present or future usefulness as a motive4 ,for instance1 if a daughter were very desirous of learning music1 ,i would ask her why she desired it4 ,if she answered1 or if ,i had reason to think1 it was because some one else was learning it1 ,i would at once discountenance it1 by telling her the motive was a very poor one2 but if she said she wished too learn1 because she loved it very much1 ,i would readily enter into her wishes1 and promise to ask her father's permission4 ,if the request were granted1 ,i would say1 #8,you know we are not rich enough to have good music-masters for all of you2 but your father is willing to expend more upon you than he could otherwise afford1 from the idea that you will learn carefully and thoroughly1 and thus be able to teach your brothers and sisters4 ,at some future time your music may perhaps be the means of supporting yourself and doing good to others4 ,you can likewise bring it into immediate use2 for you will very soon be able to amuse your father in return for this kind indulgence4' ,i have known young ladies1 on whom a good deal had been expended1 who more than repaid their parents by their assistance in educating younger branches of the family2 and is not such a preparation likely to make the duties of a mother more pleasant and familiar to them8 ,in some cases the acquirements and industry of one branch of the family have served to educate and bring forward all the rest2 is not such a power1 well-used1 extremely conducive to kindness and benevolence8 ,it is certainly very desirable to fit children for the station they are likely to fill1 as far as a parent can judge what that station will be4 ,in this country1 it is a difficult point to decide2 for half our people are in a totally different situation from what might have been expected in their childhood4 ,however1 one maxim is as safe as it is true--i4 e4 ,a well informed mind is the happiest and the most useful in all situations4 ,every new acquirement is something added to a solid capital4 ,to imitate every passing fashion is a very different thing from gaining knowledge4 ,to thrum a few tunes upon a piano1 and paint a few gaudy flowers1 does not deserve to be spoken of as a part of education2--a fashionable scarf1 or a bright ribbon1 might as well be called so4 ,i would never have music1 painting1 c41 learned at all1 unless they could be learned perfectly1 and practised with real good taste2 and here ,i would make the passing remark1 that a well-cultivated1 observing mind1 is most likely to be tasteful in all the lighter and more ornamental branches4 ,the sure way to succeed in anything is to cultivate the intellectual faculties1 and keep the powers of attention wide awake4 ,if the mental faculties are kept vigorous by constant use1 they will excel in anything to which their strength is applied4 ,i think it is peculiarly unwise to sacrifice comfort1 benevolence1 or the more solid branches of learning1 to any of the elegant arts2 but when you can attain all these and a little more1 it is much better to spend the surplus in giving your children a new pleasure1 and an additional resource against poverty1 than it is to expend it in superfluous articles of dress1 or furniture4 ,the same remarks that apply to music1 drawing1 c41 apply to a variety of things1 that may be acquired at little or no expence--such as braiding straw1 working muslin1 doing rug-work1 c4--,i would teach a child to learn every innocent thing1 which it is in her power to learn4 ,if it is not wanted immediately1 it can be laid by for future use4 ,i have a strong partiality for those old-fashioned employments1 marking and rug-work4 ,the formation of the figures1 counting the threads1 and arranging the colors1 require a great deal of care2 and the necessity of close attention is extremely salutary to young people4 ,important as a love of reading is1 there are cases where it ought to be checked4 ,it is mere selfishness and indolence to neglect active duties for the sake of books2 we have no right to do it4 ,children of a languid and lazy temperament are sometimes willing to devote all their time to reading1 for the sake of avoiding bodily exertion2 such a tendency should be counteracted by endeavoring to interest them in active duties and amusements4 #8,particular pains should be taken to induce them to attend to the feelings of others4 ,whatever services and attentions they exact from others1 they should be obliged in their turn to pay4' ,out of door exercise1 frequent walks1 and a lively attention to the beauties of nature1 are very beneficial to such dispositions4 ,on the contrary1 those who have no love for quiet1 mental pleasures1 should be attracted by interesting books and entertaining conversation4 ,a mother needs to be something of a philosopher4--,in other1 and better words1 she needs a great deal of practical good sense1 and habits of close observation4 ,with regard to what is called a natural genius for any particular employment1 ,i think it should be fostered1 wherever it is decidedly shown2 but great care should be taken to distinguish between a strong natural bias and the sudden whims and caprices1 to which companions1 or accidental circumstances1 have given birth4 ,no doubt each individual has the gift to do some one particular thing better than others1 if he could but discover what that gift is4 ,we all do best what we strongly love to do4 ,i believe the perfect and entire union of duty and inclination in our employments constitutes genius4 ,men seldom become very great in any pursuit they do not love with the whole heart and soul2 and since this is the way to arrive at the greatest perfection1 it is very desirable to find out the bias of character in early life4 ,this is not to be done by asking questions2 but by quietly observing what a child most delights in1 and what he asks about most frequently and eagerly4 ,with regard to lessons1 reading1 and work1 the attention of children should be kept awake by talking with them1 asking questions on the subject1 and showing them the best and most convenient methods of doing whatever they are about2 but great care should be taken not to help them too much4 ,no more assistance than is absolutely necessary should be given4--,leave them to their own ingenuity4 ,young people will always be helpless1 if they are not obliged to think and do for themselves4 ,with regard to the kind of books that are read1 great precaution should be used4 ,no doubt the destiny of individuals has very often been decided by volumes accidentally picked up and eagerly devoured at a period of life when every new impression is powerful and abiding4 ,for this reason1 parents1 or some guardian friends1 should carefully examine every volume they put into the hands of young people4 ,in doing this1 the disposition and character of the child should be considered4 ,if a bold1 ambitious boy is dazzled by the trappings of war1 and you do not wish to indulge his disposition to be a soldier1 avoid placing in his way fascinating biographies of military heroes2 for the same reason do not strengthen a restless1 roving tendency by accounts of remarkable voyages and adventures4 ,i do not mean to speak disparagingly of ,voyages and ,travels2 ,i consider them the best and most attractive books in the world2 ,i merely suggest a caution against strengthening any dangerous bias of character4 ,a calm1 steady temperament may be safely indulged in reading works of imagination1--nay1 perhaps requires such excitement to rouse it sufficiently1--but an excitable1 romantic disposition should be indulged sparingly in such reading4 ,to forbid all works of fiction cannot do good4 ,there is an age when all mortals1 of any sense or feeling1 are naturally romantic and imaginative4 ,this state of feeling1 instead of being violently wrestled with1 should be carefully guided and restrained1 by reading only the purest and most eloquent works of fiction4 ,the admirable and unfortunate ,lady ,russell1 in a letter1 written on the anniversary of her husband's execution1 says1 #8,at such seasons ,i do not contend with frail nature1 but keep her as innocent as ,i can4' ,this rule may be wisely applied to that period of life when young people1 from the excess of mental energy1 and the riot of unwearied fancy1 are most bewitched to read novels4 ,never countenance by word or example that silly affected sensibility which leads people to faint or run away at the sight of danger or distress4 ,if such a habit is formed1 try to conquer it by reasoning1 and by direct appeals to good feeling4 ,nothing can be more selfish than to run away from those who are suffering1 merely because the sight is painful4 ,true sensibility leads us to overcome our own feelings for the good of others4 ,great caution should be used with regard to the habits of talking in a family4 ,talk of things rather than of persons1 lest your children early imbibe a love of gossipping4 ,particularly avoid the habit of speaking ill of others4 ,we acquire great quickness of perception in those things to which we give attention in early life2 and if we have been in the habit of dwelling on the defects of others1 we shall not only be ill-natured in our feelings1 but we shall actually have the faculty of perceiving blemishes much more readily than virtues4 ,this tendency always to look on the black side is a very unfortunate habit1 and may often be traced to the influences around us in childhood4 ,some people fly to the opposite extreme4 ,from the idea of being charitable1 they gloss over everything1 and make no distinction between vice and virtue4 ,this is false charity4 ,we should not speak well of what we do not believe to be good and true4 ,we may avoid saying anything of persons1 unless we can speak well of them2 but when we are obliged to discuss a subject1 we should never in the least degree palliate and excuse what we know to be wrong4 ,it is a great mistake to think that education is finished when young people leave school4 ,education is never finished4 ,half the character is formed after we cease to learn lessons from books2 and at that active and eager age it is formed with a rapidity and strength absolutely startling to think of4 ,do you ask what forms it8 ,i answer the every-day conversation they hear1 the habits they witness1 and the people they are taught to respect4 ,sentiments thrown out in jest1 or carelessness1 and perhaps forgotten by the speaker as soon as uttered1 often sink deeply into the youthful mind1 and have a powerful influence on future character4 ,this is true in very early childhood2 and it is peculiarly true at the period when youth is just ripening into manhood4 ,employ what teachers we may1 the influences at home will have the mightiest influences in education4 ,school masters may cultivate the intellect2 but the things said and done at home are busy agents in forming the affections2 and the latter have infinitely more important consequences than the former4 ,a knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to a woman4 ,every one ought to know how to sew1 and knit1 and mend1 and cook1 and superintend a household4 ,in every situation of life1 high or low1 this sort of knowledge is a great advantage4 ,there is no necessity that the gaining of such information should interfere with intellectual acquirement1 or even with elegant accomplishments4 ,a well regulated mind can find time to attend to all4 ,when a girl is nine or ten years old1 she should be accustomed to take some regular share in household duties1 and to feel responsible for the manner in which it is done1--such as doing her own mending and making1 washing the cups and putting them in place1 cleaning the silver1 dusting the parlor1 c4 ,this should not be done occasionally1 and neglected whenever she finds it convenient2 she should consider it her department4 ,when they are older than twelve1 girls should begin to take turns in superintending the household1 keeping an account of weekly expenses1 cooking puddings1 pies1 cake1 c4 ,to learn anything effectually1 they should actually do these things themselves1--not stand by1 and see others do them4 ,it is a great mistake in mothers to make such slaves of themselves1 rather than divide their cares with daughters4 ,a variety of employment1 and a feeling of trust and responsibility1 add very much to the real happiness of young people4 ,all who have observed human nature closely will agree that a vast deal depends upon how people deport themselves the first year after their marriage4 ,if any little dissensions arise during that period1--if fretfulness and repining be indulged on one side1 indifference and dislike on the other will surely follow1--and when this once takes place1 farewell to all hopes of perfect domestic love4 ,people may indeed agree to live peaceably and respectably together1--but the charm is broken--the best and dearest gift ,god gives to mortals is lost4 ,nothing can ever supply the place of that spontaneous tenderness1 that boundless sympathy of soul1 which has been so thoughtlessly destroyed4 #8,beware of the first quarrel1' is the best advice that was ever given to married people4 ,now ,i would ask any reflecting mother1 whether a girl brought up in ignorance of household duties1 is not very likely to fret1 when she is first obliged to attend to them8 ,will not her want of practice decidedly interfere with the domestic comfort of her family1 and will it not likewise be a very serious trial to her own temper8 ,i have known many instances where young married women have been perplexed1 discouraged1 and miserable1 under a sense of domestic cares1 which1 being so entirely new to them1 seemed absolutely insupportable4 ,the spirit of complaint to which this naturally gives rise is not very complimentary to the husband2 and it is not wonderful if he becomes dissatisfied with a wife1 whom he cannot render happy4 ,young girls learn many mischievous lessons from their companions at school4 ,among a mass of young ladies collected from all sorts of families1 there will of course be much vanity1 frivolity1 and deceit1 and some indecency4 ,the utmost watchfulness of a teacher cannot prevent some bad influences4 ,for this reason1 ,i should myself decidedly prefer instructing a daughter in my own house2 but ,i am aware that in most families this course would be expensive and inconvenient4 ,however1 ,i would never trust a young girl at a boarding school without being sure that her room-mate was discreet1 well-principled1 and candid4 ,i should rather have a daughter's mind a little less improved1 than to have her heart exposed to corrupt influences2 for this reason1 ,i should prefer a respectable school in the country to a fashionable one in the city4 ,for the same reason1 ,i should greatly dread a young lady's making long visits from home1 unless ,i had perfect confidence in every member of the family she visited1 and in every person to whom they would be likely to introduce her4 ,there is no calculating the mischief that is done by the chance acquaintances picked up in this way4 ,if there are sons in the families visited1 the danger is still greater4 ,i do not1 of course1 allude to any immorality of conduct2 ,i should hope girls even tolerably educated would never be guilty of anything like immodesty4 ,but young ladies1 ignorant of the world and its vices1 often do imprudent things without knowing them to be imprudent4 ,if they have strong and enthusiastic affections1 even their innocent frankness will in all probability be misconstrued by those who are not themselves pure and open-hearted4 ,at all events1 the frequent intercourse likely to exist between a visitor and the brothers of her friend is extremely apt to fill her head with a diseased anxiety for the admiration of the other sex1 and with silly1 romantic ideas about love--ideas which have no foundation in reason1 nature1 or common sense4 ,many unhappy matches have been the result of placing young people under the influence of such sentimental excitement1 before they were old enough to know their own minds4 ,such unions are often dignified with the name of love-matches2 but love has nothing to do with the business--fancy1 vanity1 or passion is the agent2 and vanity is by far the most busy of the three4 ,to call such thoughtless connexions love-matches is a libel upon the deepest1 holiest1 and most thoughtful of all the passions4 ,in this country1 girls are often left to themselves at the very period when1 above all others1 they need a mother's care4 ,in ,france1 mothers always visit with their daughters2 and if restraint upon unmarried people is carried to excess there1 we certainly err on the opposite extreme4 ,we allow too much freedom1 and we allow it too soon4 ,i believe it is much better for a very young lady never to go about alone1 or visit for any length of time from home1 without her mother4 ,youth must have friends1 and those friends1 being loved ardently1 will have prodigious influence4 ,the choice requires extreme caution4 ,the whole of human destiny is often materially affected by those with whom we are intimate at fourteen or fifteen years of age4 ,the safest method is not to put children in the way of those whom you dare not trust4 ,do not expressly forbid an acquaintance1 7unless great faults of character demand such restrictions17 but endeavor by every possible means to withdraw your child from society you deem improper2 occupy her with other things1 and interest her in other persons4 ,if an intimacy does spring up1 notwithstanding your precautions1 talk openly and reasonably about it2 and let your daughter understand that you decidedly object to something in the young lady's principles1 manners1 or habits4 ,wealth and station should never be spoken of as either for or against forming a friendship2 the generous mind of youth never thinks of these artificial distinctions1 and we certainly do wrong to teach them4 ,your chief safety lies in the manner in which you have educated your daughter4 ,if her mind1 heart1 and conscience have all been cultivated1 she will not love to associate with the ignorant1 the vulgar1 and the vicious2 she will naturally seek the well-informed1 the well-principled1 and the truly refined1 because she will have most sympathy with them4 ,a mother has an undoubted right to inspect her children's letters1 as well as the books they read2 and if a young lady feels this to be any hardship1 there is certainly something wrong1 in one or other of the parties4 ,where young people are habitually discreet1 it is not well to exercise this right very often2 but children should always feel perfectly willing that letters may be opened1 or not1 at a parent's option4 ,but parents1 on their part1 must consider that this entire confidence cannot naturally and reasonably be expected to exist1 unless they evince perfect good-nature1 and a lively sympathy with youthful feeling4 ,perfect confidence between parent and child is a seven-fold shield against temptation4 ,there is one subject1 on which ,i am very anxious to say a great deal2 but on which1 for obvious reasons1 ,i can say very little4 ,judging by my own observation1 ,i believe it to be the greatest evil now existing in education4 ,i mean the want of confidence between mothers and daughters on delicate subjects4 ,children1 from books1 and from their own observation1 soon have their curiosity excited on such subjects2 this is perfectly natural and innocent1 and if frankly met by a mother1 it would never do harm4 ,but on these occasions it is customary either to put young people off with lies1 or still further to excite their curiosity by mystery and embarrassment4 ,information being refused them at the only proper source1 they immediately have recourse to domestics1 or immodest school-companions2 and very often their young minds are polluted with filthy anecdotes of vice and vulgarity4 ,this ought not to be4 ,mothers are the only proper persons to convey such knowledge to a child's mind4 ,they can do it without throwing the slightest stain upon youthful purity2 and it is an imperious duty that they should do it4 ,a girl who receives her first ideas on these subjects from the shameless stories and indecent jokes of vulgar associates1 has in fact prostituted her mind by familiarity with vice4 ,a diseased curiosity is excited1 and undue importance given to subjects1 which those she has been taught to respect think it necessary to envelope in so much mystery2 she learns to think a great deal about them1 and to ask a great many questions4 ,this does not spring from any natural impurity2 the same restless curiosity would be excited by any subject treated in the same manner4 ,on the contrary1 a well-educated girl of twelve years old1 would be perfectly satisfied with a frank1 rational explanation from a mother4 ,it would set her mind at rest upon the subject2 and instinctive modesty would prevent her recurring to it unnecessarily1 or making it a theme of conversation with others4 ,mothers are strangely averse to encouraging this sort of confidence4 ,i know not why it is1 but they are usually the very last persons in the world to whom daughters think of applying in these cases4 ,many a young lady has fallen a victim to consumption from a mother's bashfulness in imparting necessary precautions2 and many1 oh1 many more1 have had their minds corrupted beyond all cure4 ,i would not by any means be understood to approve of frequent conversations of this kind between parent and child--and least of all1 anything like jesting1 or double meanings4 ,i never saw but two women1 who indulged in such kind of mirth before their daughters2 and ,i never think of them but with unmingled disgust4 ,i do believe that after one modest and rational explanation1 the natural purity and timidity of youth would check a disposition to talk much about it4 ,it is usually thought necessary1 even by the very conscientious1 to tell falsehoods about such subjects2 but ,i believe it cannot do good1 and may do harm4 ,i would say to a young child1 #8,i cannot tell you now1 because you are not old enough to understand it4 ,when you are old enough1 ,i will talk with you2 but you must remember not to ask anybody but me4 ,you know ,i always have a reason for what ,i say to you2 and ,i tell you it would be very improper to talk with other people about it4 ,i promise you that ,i will explain it all to you1 as soon as you are old enough to understand it4' ,this promise ought to be faithfully kept2 and if young people meet with anything in books that requires explanation1 they should be taught to apply to their mother1 and to no one else4 ,such a course would1 ,i am very sure1 prevent a great deal of impurity and imprudence4 ,it is a bad plan for young girls to sleep with nursery maids1 unless you have the utmost confidence in the good principles and modesty of your domestics4 ,there is a strong love among vulgar people of telling secrets1 and talking on forbidden subjects4 ,from a large proportion of domestics this danger is so great1 that ,i apprehend a prudent mother will very rarely1 under any circumstances1 place her daughter in the same sleeping apartment with a domestic1 until her character is so much formed1 that her own dignity will lead her to reject all improper conversation4 ,a well-principled1 amiable elder sister is a great safeguard to a girl's purity of thought and propriety of behavior4 ,it is extremely important that warm-hearted1 imprudent youth1 should have a safe and interesting companion4 ,a judicious mother can do a vast deal toward supplying this want2 but those who have such a shield as a good sister are doubly blessed4 ,in the chapter on politeness ,i have mentioned how much little courtesies and kind attentions tend to strengthen the bonds of family love2 and ,i firmly believe that these things1 small as they may appear singly and separately1 are of very great importance4 ,everything which ties the heart to home1 has a good influence4 ,brothers and sisters cannot be too much encouraged in perfect kindness and candor toward each other4 ,any slight rudeness1 a want of consideration for each other's feelings1 or of attention to each other's comfort1 should be treated with quite as much importance as similar offences against strangers4 ,the habit of putting on politeness to go abroad1 and of throwing it off at home1 does more moral mischief than we are apt to imagine4 ,i know families1 conscientious in all great things1 who yet think it no harm to peep into each other's letters1 or use each other's property without permission2 yet ,i look upon these things as absolutely unprincipled2 they are positive infringements of the golden rule4 ,if one member of a family have any peculiarity1 or personal defect1 he should be treated with unusual delicacy and affection4 ,the best way to cure any defect is to treat persons in such a mariner1 that they themselves forget it4 ,perpetual consciousness of any disagreeable peculiarity increases the evil prodigiously4 ,this is particularly true of physical imperfections2 stuttering and lisping1 for instance1 are made ten times worse by being laughed at1 or observed4 ,it is the fear of exciting remark that makes people stutter so much worse before strangers than in the presence of their friends4 ,parents are too apt to show a preference for the smartest or prettiest of the family4 ,this is exactly the reverse of right4 ,those who are the least attractive abroad should be the most fostered at home2 otherwise they may become chilled and discouraged2 and the talents and good qualities they have1 may die away in the secrecy of their own bosoms1 for want of something to call them into exercise4 ,the business of parents is to develope each individual character so as to produce the greatest amount of usefulness and happiness4 ,it is very selfish to bestow the most attention upon those who are the most pleasing1 or most likely to do credit to a parent in the eyes of the world4 ,those who are painfully diffident of themselves should be treated with distinguished regard2 they should be consulted on interesting subjects1 and when their opinions are injudicious1 they should be met by open and manly arguments1 and never treated with any degree of contempt or indifference4 ,to have the various members of a family feel a common interest1 as if they were all portions of the same body1 is extremely desirable4 ,it is a beautiful sight to see sisters willing to devote their talents and industry to the education of brothers1 or a brother willing to deny himself selfish gratifications for a sister's improvement1 or a parent's comfort4 ,little respectful attentions to a parent tend very much to produce this delightful domestic sympathy4 ,nothing is more graceful than children employed in placing a father's arm-chair and slippers1 or busying themselves in making everything look cheerful against his return2 and there is something more than mere looks concerned in these becoming attentions--these trifling things lay the foundation of strong and deeply virtuous feelings4 ,the vices and temptations of the world have little danger for those who can recollect beloved parents and a happy home4 ,the holy and purifying influence is carried through life1 and descends to bless and encourage succeeding generations4 ,for this reason1 too much cannot be done to produce an earnest and confiding friendship between parents and children4 ,mothers should take every opportunity to excite love1 gratitude and respect1 toward a father4 ,his virtues and his kindness should be a favorite theme1 when talking with his children4 ,the same rule that applies to a wife1 in these respects1 of course applies to a husband4 ,it should be the business of each to strengthen the bonds of domestic union4 ,every effort should be made to make home as pleasant as possible4 ,the habit of taking turns to read interesting books aloud1 while the others are at work1 is an excellent plan4 ,music has likewise a cheerful influence1 and greatly tends to produce refinement of taste4 ,it has a very salutary effect for whole families to unite in singing before retiring to rest2 or at any other time1 when it is pleasant and convenient4 ,on such occasions1 ,i think there should be at least one simple tune in which the little children can join without injury to their young voices4 ,i believe the power of learning to sing is much more general than has hitherto been believed2 and the more subjects there are in which the different members of a family can sympathize1 the greater will be their harmony and love4 ,it will probably be gathered from what ,i have said in the preceding pages1 that ,i do not approve of young ladies' visiting very young1--that is1 being what is called brought out1 or going into company4 ,i think those parents whose situation does not make it necessary to have their daughters brought out at all1 are peculiarly blest2 and under all circumstances1 ,i am sure it is best for a daughter never to visit without her mother1 till she is past seventeen years of age4 ,a round of gayety is alike fascinating and unprofitable2 it wastes time1 distracts attention1 and makes every-day duties and pleasures appear dull and uninteresting4 ,late hours1 excitement1 and irregularity of food1 make large demands upon health and strength1 before the constitution is fully established2 the mind and heart too1 as well as the body1 become old before their time2 there is nothing new in store for the young imagination1 and society loses its charm at the very age when it would naturally be most enjoyed4 ,i do not believe it is ever well for girls to go into many large parties2 the manners can be sufficiently formed by social intercourse with the polite and intelligent4 ,i greatly approve of social visiting among children and young persons4 ,it is alike beneficial to the heart and the manners4 ,i only wish that mothers more generally made one of these little parties4 ,in general1 girls think they must have an apartment to themselves when they receive visiters1 or they must run off into the garden1 or upstairs1 because a mother's presence is an unpleasant restraint4 ,this ought not to be4 ,if married ladies will be familiar and cheerful1 they can be extremely entertaining1 as well as useful to the young4 ,i wish this sort of companionship were more general--for ,i am certain it has a good influence4 ,if a mother shows an obliging readiness to enter into the plans and amusements of her children1 and their young guests1 they will feel no painful restraint in her presence2 while at the same time she removes from them all temptation to frivolous and improper conversation4 ,i have known instances where a mother was the most animated and animating of all the little group4 ,would such instances were more frequent6 ,it is impossible to calculate the benefits that result from having a happy home4 ,from the beginning to the end of this book1 ,i have most earnestly represented the necessity of forming early habits of observation4 ,it is a strong foundation1 on which any kind of character may be built1 as circumstances require4 ,it makes good writers1 good painters1 good botanists1 good mechanics1 good cooks1 good housewives1 good farmers--good everything6 ,it fits as for any situation in which ,providence may place us1 and enables us to make the most of whatever advantages may come in our way4 ,it is a sort of vital principle1 that gives life to everything4 ,not fifty miles from ,boston is a farmer1 quite famous for the improvements he has made in the wild grape4 ,he found a vine in the wood1 which dozens of his neighbors passed every week1 as well as he2 but he observed that where the oxen fed upon the vine the grapes where largest and sweetest4 ,he took the hint4 ,the vine was transplanted1 and closely pruned4 ,this produced the same effect as browsing had done2 the nourishment1 that in a wild state supported a great weight of vines and tendrils1 went entirely to the body of the grape4 ,his neighbors would have known this as well as he1 if they had thought about it2 but they did not observe4 ,in ancient ,greece the beneficial effect of closely trimming grape-vines was discovered by observing the extreme luxuriance of a vine1 which an ass had frequently nibbled as he fed by the way-side4 ,the man who availed himself of this hint1 became celebrated throughout ,greece1 by means of the far-famed grapes of ,nauplia2 and1 with less justice1 statues were erected to the ass1 and high honors paid to his memory4 ,the grape had never been cultivated in this country1 when1 by a singular coincidence1 an observing ,american farmer made the same discovery1 and by the same means1 that gave celebrity to the observing ,grecian farmer1 in very ancient times4 ,even in infancy1 the foundation of this important habit should be begun1 by directing the attention to the size1 shape1 color1 c41 of whatever objects are presented4 ,in childhood it should be constantly kept alive1 by never allowing anything to be read1 or done1 carelessly2 and during the teens1 when the mind is all alive and busy1 very peculiar care should be taken to strengthen and confirm it4 ,a young lady should never be satisfied with getting through with a thing some how or other2 she should know how she has done it1 why she has done it1 and what is the best way of doing it4 ,she should use her thoughts in all her employments4 ,there is always a best way of doing everything2 and however trifling the occupation1 this way should be discovered2 in making a shirt1 for instance1 she should be led to observe that it is much more convenient to put in the sleeves before the collar is set on4 ,it is the want of these habits of observation1 which makes some people so left-handed and awkward about everything they undertake4 ,there is another subject quite as important--,i mean habits of reflection4 ,young people should be accustomed to look into their own hearts1 to be very sure what motives they act from1 and what feelings they indulge4 ,parents can assist them very much1 by seizing favorable opportunities to talk with them about what they have done1 and what were their motives of action4 ,it is a good maxim #8every morning to think what we have to do1 and every evening to think what we have done4' ,the close of the year is a peculiarly appropriate time for self-examination4 ,each member of the family should be encouraged at this interesting season1 to think what improvements have been made1 and what evils have been conquered during the year4 99 99 99 99 99 ,one subject of great importance had nearly escaped my recollection4 ,i mean the early habit of writing letters neatly and correctly4 ,there are a hundred cases where a young person's success in life may be affected by the appearance of their epistles4 ,a letter badly written1 badly spelt1 or badly punctuated1 is a direct and abiding proof of a neglected education1 or a disorderly mind4 ,the receipt of such a document often makes an unfavorable impression with regard to an individual's character1 or capacity1 which is never afterward entirely obliterated4 ,for this reason1 children should early be accustomed to give a natural and simple account1 in writing1 of what they have seen and done4 ,the rules of punctuation1 which are few and plain1 should be particularly attended to2 and any awkwardness or inelegance in the sentences should be kindly pointed out1 but never ridiculed4 ,if parents1 from want of early education1 feel unable to do this1 they will1 in all probability1 know of some near relation1 or intimate friend1 who will occasionally attend to it4 ,the great thing is to make children desirous of improvement2 and this can be done by an uneducated parent1 as well as by a learned one4 ,when a strong wish to excel in any particular thing is once excited1 there is no danger but it will find means to satisfy itself2 and this is one reason why we should be more careful what we teach children to love1 than what we teach them to remember4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,views ,,of ,,matrimony4 ,there is no subject connected with education which has so important a bearing on human happiness as the views young people are taught to entertain with regard to matrimonial connexions4 ,the dreams of silly romance1 half vanity1 and half passion1 on the one hand1 and selfish calculation on the other1 leave but precious little of just thinking and right feeling on the subject4 ,the greatest and most prevailing error in education consists in making lovers a subject of such engrossing and disproportionate interest in the minds of young girls4 ,as soon as they can walk alone1 they are called #8little sweet-heart1' and #8little wife2' as they grow older1 the boyish liking of a neighbor1 or school-mate1 becomes a favorite jest2 they often hear it said how lucky such and such people are1 because they #8married off' all their family so young2 and when a pretty1 attractive girl is mentioned1 they are in the habit of hearing it observed1 #8,she will be married young4 ,she is too handsome and too interesting to live single long4' ,i have frequently said that such sort of accidental remarks do in fact educate children1 more than direct maxims2 and this applies with peculiar force to the subject of matrimony4 ,such observations as ,i have quoted1 give young girls the idea that there is something degrading in not being married young2 or1 at least1 in not having had offers of marriage4 ,this induces a kind of silly pride and restless vanity1 which too often ends in ill-assorted connexions4 ,i had a sweet young friend1 with a most warm and generous heart1 but a giddy1 romantic brain4 ,her mother was weak-minded and indulgent1 and had herself been taught1 in early life1 to consider it the chief end and aim of existence to get married4 ,she often reminded her daughters1 that she was but sixteen when she was married1 and had then refused two or three lovers4 ,of course1 when my charming1 sentimental little friend was sixteen1 she began to feel uneasy under a sense of disgrace2 her pride was concerned in having a beau as early as her mother had one2 and this feeling was a good deal strengthened by the engagement of two or three young companions4 ,it unluckily happened that a dashing1 worthless young man was introduced to her about this time4 ,a flirtation began1 which soon ended in an offer of his hand4 ,he said he was in good business1 and she saw that he wore a handsome coat1 and drove a superb horse2 and1 more than all1 she thought what a triumph it would be to be engaged at sixteen4 ,she married him4 ,it was soon discovered that he was careless1 dissipated1 and very poor4 ,in no respect whatever had he sympathy with my sensitive1 refined1 but ill-educated friend4 ,she discovered this too late4 ,she would have discovered it at first1 had her mind been quiet on the subject of matrimony4 ,a wretched life might have been spared her1 if her mother had left her heart to develope naturally1 under the influences of true affection1 as the lily opens its petals to the sunshine4 ,her marriage was called a love-match2 and as such was held up by ambitious parents as a salutary warning4 ,but there never was a greater misnomer4 ,she had not a particle of love for the man4 ,she married him because he happened to be the first that offered1 and because she felt ashamed not to be engaged as soon as her companions4 ,but heedless vanity and silly romance1 though a prolific source of unhappy marriages1 are not so disastrous in their effects as worldly ambition1 and selfish calculation4 ,i never knew a marriage expressly for money1 that did not end unhappily4 ,yet managing mothers1 and heartless daughters1 are continually playing the same unlucky game4 ,i look upon it as something more than bad policy for people to marry those to whom they are1 at best1 perfectly indifferent1 merely for the sake of wealth2 in my view it is absolutely unprincipled4 ,happiness cannot result from such connexions1 because it ought not4 ,a mother who can deliberately advise a daughter thus to throw away all chance of domestic bliss1 would1 were it not for the fear of public opinion1 be willing to sell her to the ,grand ,sultan1 to grace his seraglio4 ,disguise the matter as we may1 with the softening epithets of #8prudent match1' #8a good establishment1' c41 it is1 in honest truth1 a matter of bargain and sale4 ,i believe men more frequently marry for love1 than women2 because they have a freer choice4 ,i am afraid to conjecture how large a proportion of women marry because they think they shall not have a better chance1 and dread being dependent4 ,such marriages1 no doubt1 sometimes prove tolerably comfortable2 but great numbers would have been far happier single4 ,if ,i may judge by my own observation of such matches1 marrying for a home is a most tiresome way of getting a living4 ,one of the worst effects resulting from managing about these things1 is the disappointment and fancied disgrace attendant upon a failure2 and with the most artful manuvring1 failures in such schemes are very frequent4 ,human policy sketches beautiful patterns1 but she is a bad weaver2 she always entangles her own web4 ,i am acquainted with two or three managing mothers1 who have pretty children2 and in the whole circle of my acquaintance1 ,i know of none so unfortunate in disposing of their daughters4 ,the young ladies would have married very well1 if they had not been taught to act a part2 now1 they will either live single1 or form ill-assorted1 unhappy connexions4 ,if they live single1 they will probably be ill-natured and envious through life2 because they have been taught to attach so much importance to the mere circumstance of getting married1 without any reference to genuine affection4 ,a woman of well-regulated feelings and an active mind1 may be very happy in single life1--far happier than she could be made by a marriage of expediency4 ,the reason old maids are proverbially more discontented than old bachelors1 is1 that they have generally so much less to occupy their thoughts4 ,for this reason1 it is peculiarly important1 that a woman's education should furnish her with abundant resources for employment and amusement4 ,i do not say that an unmarried woman can be as happy as one who forms1 with proper views and feelings1 a union1 which is unquestionably the most blessed of all human relations2 but ,i am very certain that one properly educated need not be unhappy in single life4 ,the great difficulty at the present day is1 that matrimony is made a subject of pride1 vanity1 or expediency2 whereas it ought to be a matter of free choice and honest preference4 ,a woman educated with proper views on the subject could not be excessively troubled at not being married1 when in fact she had never seen a person for whom she entertained particular affection2 but one taught to regard it as a matter of pride1 is inevitably wretched1 discontented1 and envious1 under the prospect of being an old maid1 though she regards no human being with anything like love4 ,some mothers are always talking about the cares1 and duties1 and sacrifices incident to married life2 they are always urging their daughters to #8enjoy themselves while they are single'--#8to be happy while they have a chance1'--but at the same time that they give such a gloomy picture of domestic life1 7making it a frightful bugbear to the young imagination17 they urge upon them the necessity of getting married for respectability's sake4 ,they must be #8well settled1' as the phrase is4 ,the victim must be sacrificed1 because the world's opinion demands it4 ,i once heard a girl1 accustomed to such remarks1 say1 with apparent sincerity1 #8,i should like of all things to be married1 if ,i could be sure my husband would die in a fortnight2 then ,i should avoid the disgrace of being an old maid1 and get rid of the restraint and trouble of married life4' ,strange and unnatural as such a sentiment may appear1 it was just what might have been expected from one accustomed to such selfish views of a relation so holy and blessed in its nature4 ,it is all-important that charming pictures of domestic life should be presented to the young4 ,it should be described as1--what it really is1--the home of woman's affections1 and her pleasantest sphere of duty4 ,your daughter should never hear her own marriage speculated or jested upon2 but the subject in general should be associated in her mind with everything pure1 bright1 and cheerful4 ,i shall be asked if ,i do not think it extremely desirable that daughters should marry well2 and whether the secluded1 domestic education ,i have recommended is not very unfavorable to the completion of such wishes1--for how can they be admired1 when they are not seen8 ,it certainly is very desirable that daughters should marry well1 because it wonderfully increases their chance of happiness4 ,the unchangeable laws of ,god have made reciprocated affection necessary to the human heart2 and marriage formed with proper views is a powerful means of improving our better nature4 ,but ,i would not say1 or do anything1 to promote a union of this sort4 ,i would have no scheming1 no managing1 no hinting4 ,i would never talk with girls about the beaux1 or suffer them to associate with those who did4 ,i would leave everything to nature and ,divine ,providence--with a full belief that such reliance would do more and better for me than ,i could effect by my own plans4 ,i do not think a secluded1 domestic education is unfavorable to chances of happy matrimonial connexions4 ,a girl with a good heart1 a full mind1 and modest1 refined manners1 cannot fail to be attractive4 ,make her a delightful companion to her own family2 teach her to be happy at home2 and trust ,divine ,providence to find her a suitable partner4 ,if she has been taught to think the regulation of her own heart and mind of greater importance than anything else1 she cannot be unhappy whatever may be her lot in life2 and her chance for a happy marriage will be abundantly greater than it could be made by the most adroit management4 ,it is evident that the greatest safeguard against improper attachments consists in the character you have given your daughter1 by the manner of educating her4 ,a refined young lady will not naturally be in love with vulgarity2 nor will a pure mind have any sympathy with the vicious and unprincipled4 ,but as vice often wears the garb of virtue1 and as youth is1 from its very innocence1 unsuspecting1 it is incumbent upon parents to be extremely careful with what sort of young men they allow their daughters to associate4 ,acquaintance with any particular person should not be expressly forbidden1 because such restraint is likely to excite the very interest you wish to avoid2 but1 without saying anything on the subject1 do not encourage your daughter in going to places where she will meet a fascinating young man1 to whom you have decided objections2 and if you discover the smallest symptoms of mutual interest between the parties1 remove her from home1 if possible1 to some place where her mind will soon become interested in new occupations4 ,a prudent parent will always remember that it is extremely natural for young people to get deeply interested in those they see frequently2 and that it is far easier1 and better1 to prevent an attachment1 than it is to conquer it after it is formed4 ,i would never1 even by the most trifling expression1 lead my daughter to think of her acquaintances as future lovers2 but ,i should myself recollect the possibility of such a circumstance1 and would not therefore encourage an acquaintance with any man1 whom ,i should be very unwilling to see her husband4 #8,an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure4' ,in affairs of this kind strong opposition is very impolitic4 ,it rarely effects its purpose2 and if it does1 it is through much misery and trouble4 ,i doubt whether parents have a right to forbid the marriage of their children1 after they are old enough to think and decide for themselves2 but while they are quite young1 ,i do think they have an undoubted right to prevent marriage1 until the laws of the land render them free from parental authority4 ,but where this is done1 it should be with great mildness and discretion3 it should be resorted to only from a desire to leave young people a perfect freedom of choice1 at an age when they are more capable of feeling deeply and judging wisely4 ,where there is any immorality of character1 it becomes an imperative duty for parents to forbid an engagement while the parties are young4 ,if it is persisted in1 after they are old enough to be as discreet as they ever will be1 there is no help for it2 but ,i do not believe one1 whose heart and mind had been properly educated1 would ever persist in such a course4 ,the three great questions to be asked in deciding whether a union is suitable and desirable1 is1 #ast1 ,has the person good principles8 #b;d1 ,has he1 or she1 a good disposition8 #c;d1 ,is there a strong1 decided1 deeply-founded preference8 ,connexions which are likely to lead a woman into a sphere of life to which she has been unaccustomed1 to introduce her to new and arduous duties1--and to form a violent contrast to her previous mode of life1--should not be entered into1 except at mature age1 and with great certainty that affection is strong enough to endure such trials4 ,but where there is deep1 well founded love1 and an humble reliance on ,divine ,providence1 all things will work right in the end4 ,,concluding ,,chapter4 ,it has been jestingly said1 that #8they who have no children1 always know how to manage them well2' and the assertion is sustained by the fact that nearly all books on education have been written by those who never were parents4 ,this was the case with ,locke1 ,edgeworth1 ,hamilton1 and ,barbauld4 ,if their wise words are less valuable on this account1 what plea can ,i urge for my own imperfect suggestions8 ,childless myself1 ,i can only plead my strong love for children1 and my habitual observation of all that concerns them4 ,i offer this little book in all humility1 happy in the conviction that it inculcates no evil1 if it does not attain to the highest truths4 ,it was published fourteen years ago1 and is now republished at the request of a few friends4 ,were ,i to write it now1 it would not be precisely as it is2 but on comparing this stereotyped record with my present views1 ,i find that ,i have not changed1 ,i have only grown4 ,on one subject1 this growth has sufficiently modified my opinions1 to make some recantation necessary2 ,i mean on the subject of punishment4 ,i have1 throughout the work1 alluded to whipping as sometimes1 and to a moderate degree1 necessary4 ,i now believe otherwise4 ,such measures may1 of course1 secure a more prompt obedience1 by exciting fear2 but ,i believe this can never be done without injury to the child4 ,i have a very judicious friend1 the mother of a fine family4 ,with her first two children1 she acted upon the commonly received idea that it was sometimes necessary to slap them1 when they were naughty4 ,she observed1 however1 that this never failed to excite some degree of resentment1 and more or less diverted their attention from the wrong they had done1 to the injury they suffered4 ,with her younger children1 she discontinued whipping1 and substituted milder forms of punishment1 such as shutting them up in a room by themselves1 making them go to bed supperless1 c4 ,this excited their evil feelings less2 but1 in some degree1 this likewise turned their attention from their own fault to the punishment inflicted4 ,the accusation1 which should have fallen with its whole weight on themselves1 was partially bestowed on the parent4 ,something of resistance and rebellion was always roused1 though its outward manifestation might be restrained by the fear of additional punishment4 ,my friend was a wise woman1 and she knew that it was far better to avoid contests with her children1 than to come off victorious in them4 ,the less the combative principle is roused into activity1 before reason and conscience are mature enough to regulate it1 the better4 ,habits of the mind1 whether good or bad1 are strengthened in this way1 as the muscles of a gold-beater's arm grow stout by constant use4 ,if a child is of an obstinate temper1 it is therefore better to treat any little matter of difference lightly1 than to rouse his besetting sin by compulsory efforts to subdue him4 ,it is better to keep his obstinacy as quiescent as possible1 till he is old enough to be reasoned with1 and thus taught to employ his perseverance for worthy and noble ends4 ,acting upon this principle of not arousing evil feelings1 if possible to avoid it1 my friend resolved to try1 with her youngest girl1 the effect of sorrow instead of penalty4 ,she was very volatile1 and her mother had many doubts whether the experiment would prove successful4 ,the first time she tried it was on the occasion of visiting a relative4 ,the child was extremely desirous to accompany her parents1 but was told that it was unsuitable for her to be out so late as they intended to stay4 ,habitual firmness had taught her that teasing was of no avail2 and she soon gave up the effort4 ,at parting1 her mother bade her be a good girl1 and go quietly to bed at eight o'clock1 and in the morning she should hear all about the visit4 ,at ten o'clock1 her parents returned1 and seated themselves at the parlor fire1 chatting over the events of the evening4 ,presently1 they heard a timid1 half-suppressed giggle2 and1 looking round1 they saw little ,mary peeping from under the table4 #8,my daughter1 how is it that you are not in bed8' said her mother1 calmly4 ,the little rogue stole forth from her hiding-place1 and looked very sheepish1 as she answered1 #8,why1 mother1 ,i wanted to sit up till you came back4' #8,but ,i told you to go to bed at eight4 ,my little daughter knows she has done very wrong4' ,the culprit stood a while in perplexity4 ,she expected to be ordered instantly to bed1 or at least to be reproved4 ,but her parents went on talking with each other1 as if she were not in the room2 and at last1 she hesitatingly drew up her little stool1 and seated herself at her mother's side4 ,after a while1 she plucked up courage to ask about the visit4 ,who was there8 ,did anybody say anything about me8 c4 ,her mother answered all her questions1 very kindly1 though somewhat sadly4 ,at length1 she said1 #8,mother1 ,i think it is time for me to go to bed4' #8,well1 ,mary4 ,let me unpin your clothes4 ,it is bright moonlight1 and you will need no lamp4 ,do not waken ,elizabeth4' ,the child lingered and hesitated1 and at last said1 #8,may ,i kiss you and father8' ,they drew her toward them1 imprinted a kiss on her lips1 and bade her an affectionate good night4 ,after she had gone1 they queried with each other whether this mode of treatment would make her think lightly of her fault1 and more prone to be disobedient in future4 ,she was such a frolicksome1 thoughtless child1 that they were not without fears that it might be so4 ,they were even doubtful whether she noticed the sadness of their tones1 when they kissed her and bade her good night2 for she went away smiling1 and tripped lightly up stairs4 ,but when her mother retired for the night1 she had scarcely placed her head on the pillow1 before she heard little bare feet padding across the entry floor2 and a moment after1 a little curly head was on her bosom1 sobbing out1 #8,oh1 mother dear1 ,i can't go to sleep4 ,forgive me4 ,i know ,i did very wrong4' ,sweet moments of reconciliation passed between parents and child in the still moonlight2 and then the little one went to her pillow1 and slept as the lambs sleep4 ,the perfect kindness with which she had been treated1 while she felt that her parents were grieved by her conduct1 left no work for her heart to do1 but to accuse herself2 and only by confession and repentance could she be at peace4 ,whether such a course would always produce similar results1 ,i will not venture to say2 but every day of my life ,i become more and more convinced of the omnipotence of love in subduing all evil4 ,it is indeed absolutely necessary that gentleness should be united with uncompromising firmness4 ,children should never be allowed to gain their point1 in opposition to any rule that has been established for them4 ,to be at once gentle and unyielding1 requires a strong effort4 ,hence1 many people1 who dislike severity1 fall into the opposite extreme of injudicious indulgence2 and their example is often quoted in favor of the old-fashioned rigidity of discipline4 ,whipping is1 however1 coming more and more into disrepute2 and before long1 no wise parent will practise it1 or allow his child to attend a school where it is practised4 ,to attain the difficult habit of being both mild and firm1 of studying in all things the permanent good of the child1 rather than present convenience to self1 requires a humble and self-denying spirit4 ,the moral atmosphere which emanates from a parent's habitual state of mind greatly affects the children4 ,if they are quiet1 gentle1 and refined1 it will be reflected in the habits and manners of the family4 ,if they are rough1 impatient1 or noisy1 the children will be little bedlamites1 however much good advice they may give1 in opposition to their own example4 ,it is impossible to exaggerate the importance of the spiritual atmosphere of home2 of the thousand little things done and said without calculation of results2 of the daily and hourly emanations from our own characters4 ,it has been beautifully said1 #8,education does not commence with the alphabet4 ,it begins with a mother's look--with a father's nod of approbation1 or a sigh of reproof--with a sister's gentle pressure of the hand1 or a brother's noble act of forbearance--with handfuls of flowers in green and daisy meadows--with birds' nests admired but not touched--with creeping ants and almost imperceptible emmets--with humming bees and glass bee-hives--with pleasant walks in shady lanes--and with thoughts directed1 in sweet and kindly words1 to nature1 to beauty1 to acts of benevolence1 to deeds of all virtue1 and to the source of all good1 to ,god himself4' ,is not our ,heavenly ,father kind to entrust to our care these little innocent souls1 that we ourselves may enter his kingdom1 by the prayerful effort to keep them forever near their guardian angels8 ,,published ,,by ,c4 ,s4 ,,francis ,,co41 ,,new-,,york4 ,writings of ,l4 ,maria ,child4 ,,philothea3 ,a ,,grecian ,,romance4 ,a ,new and ,beautiful ,edition1 ,revised and ,corrected4 8,this novel1 as its title indicates1 is an attempt to paint the manners and life of ,grecian ,classical times4 ,mrs4 ,child has some intellectual traits1 which are well suited to success in this field of literary enterprize4 ,she has a vigorous and exuberant imagination1 and an accurate eye for beauty of form4 ,she understands the harmonious construction of language1 and can describe both nature and society with liveliness and truth4 ,her style1 in its general character1 is rich and eloquent2 abounding in brilliant turns and fanciful illustrations4 ,it is generally simple1 energetic1 and impressive2 but sometimes it is too dazzling4 ,the time selected by ,mrs4 ,child is the most brilliant period in the history of ,athens4 8,we cannot leave the book1 without expressing our persuasion that it will take a prominent place in our elegant literature4 ,every page of it breathes the inspiration of genius1 and shows a highly cultivated taste in literature and art40--,n4 ,a4 ,rev4 ,,letters ,,from ,,new-,,york4 ,first and ,second ,series4 8,mrs4 ,child is a wonderful woman4 ,it is not likely that all her thoughts will find currency in the world1 at this day1 and be received as the common-place of the mind2 but those1 who will regard her as visionary and enthusiastic1 will yet admire her originality2 and those who think the visionary to be weak in mind1 will be startled by such boldness of thought1 as none but the strong can conceive2 yet visionary and enthusiastic as some may pronounce her1 and bold to think what the present thinks itself unprepared for1 there is nothing of harsh statement to be found in her expressions4 ,so far from it1 that her mind rather resembles the vine which hangs in graceful festoons upon the oak2 and its visions remind one not of the splendours of a thunder-storm with gleams of lightning at night1 but of the soft light of the morning1 or the clouds which crowd around the west to see the sun go down4 ,a gentler1 purer1 happier spirit1 it has not been our fortune to meet with in print40--,bost4 ,cour4 ,,the ,,mother',s ,,book4 ,new ,edition--,revised and ,amended4 ,the value and usefulness of this little book is well known1--it having passed through eight editions in this country and twelve in ,england4 ,contents of the ,chapters4--,i4 ,on the means of developing the bodily senses in earliest infancy4--,,ii4 ,early development of the affections4--,,iii4 ,early cultivation of intellect4--,,iv4 ,management in childhood4--,v4 ,amusements and employments4--,,vi4 ,sunday4 ,religion4 ,views of ,death4 ,supernatural appearances4--,,vii4 ,advice concerning books4 ,list of good books for various ages4--,,viii4 ,politeness4--,,ix4 ,beauty4 ,dress4 ,gentility4--,x4 ,management during the teens4--,,xi4 ,views of ,matrimony4--,concluding observations4 ,,flowers ,,for ,,children4 ,a ,series of volumes in ,prose and ,verse1 for ,children of various ages4 8,these are flowers which have budded and blossomed for others beside children2 and as none may now look upon the lilies of the field1 bowing their heads in pure effulgence1 or in gorgeous luxuriance of show1 without remembering a lesson impressed upon every petal1 by that mild look of the ,saviour's1 which he gave them while observing that human hearts might be instructed by them1 so these little flowers1 gathered in the fields of ,christian wisdom1 in the company of the spirit of the ,saviour1 suggest lessons to instruct the minds of the wisest1 and open the springs of pure emotion in the hearts of the best40--,boston ,courier4 8,verily1 we are delighted ourselves1 and congratulate our readers who are blessed with the heritage of children1 upon this accession to our juvenile libraries1 and hope that ,mrs4 ,child will not be chary of her volumes4 ,these 8,flowers0 are so sweet and unfading that we would make our youngsters' libraries redolent of their perfume and beauty40--,commercial ,advertiser4 ,interesting ,games4 ,,the ,,pickwick ,,cards1 ,invented by ,,samuel ,,weller1 for the ,entertainment of his ,friends1 ,old and ,young4 ,twenty-five cards1 enclosed in a neat case2 each card having on it a scene or character from the writings of ,dickens2 with directions for playing three different games1 for the amusement of evening parties4 ,price #ej cents4 ,,shakspere ,,in ,a ,,new ,,dress4 ,thirty cards1 containing fifty-two choice quotations from ,shakspere1 with a list of questions1 to be answered from the cards4 ,so arranged as to form an interesting round game1 with forfeits4 ,price #ej cents4 ,,new ,,fortune-,,teller4 ,,the ,,oracle ,,of ,,fortune1 and ,guide to ,wealth and ,success4 8,these interesting cards combine all the information necessary to secure ,wealth1 and ,success in matters of ,love or ,money2 they are constructed on the principles which the late ,baron ,rothschild found so eminently successful1 and combine the requisite mixture of shrewd suggestions1 wise calculations1 and cautious admonitions1 to direct any one in the way to good luck40 ,price #ej cents4 ,,the ,,boy',s ,,own ,,book4 ,a ,complete ,encyclopedia of all the ,diversions1 ,athletic1 ,scientific1 and ,recreative1 of ,boyhood and ,youth4 ,including ,games with ,marbles1 ,tops1 ,balls1 ,sports of ,agility and ,speed1 ,toys1 ,archery1 ,cricket1 ,gymnastics1 ,swimming2 ,arithmetical1 ,optical and ,chemical ,amusements2 ,checkers1 ,cards1 ,legerdemain1 ,puzzles1 ,riddles1 ,angling1 ,fencing1 c4 c4 c41 with very numerous engravings4 ,,the ,,american ,,girl',s ,,book2 ,or1 ,,occupation ,,for ,,play ,,hours4 ,by ,miss ,leslie4 ,including all the ,sports and ,pastimes suited to ,girls2 ,plays with ,toys1 ,games with ,cards1 ,riddles1 ,amusing and ,fancy ,needle-,work1 ,card-,work1 c4 c4 ,,parlour ,,magic ,or1 ,,boys' ,,book ,,of ,,amusing ,,experiments4 ,containing ,transmutations2 ,experiments in ,sight and ,sound2 on ,light and ,heat2 on ,gas and ,steam2 on ,fire1 ,water1 and ,air2 ,sleights and ,subtleties2 ,miscellaneous ,experiments4 ,,gymnastic ,,exercises4 ,paul ,preston's ,book of ,gymnastics2 or ,sports for ,youth to promote ,health and ,long ,life4 ,containing directions for ,exercises on the ,parallel ,bars1 ,horizontal ,pole1 ,horse ,exercise1 ,running1 ,leaping1 ,throwing the ,spear1 ,climbing1 c4 c4 c41 with illustrative diagrams4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,errors in punctuation have been fixed4 ,page #gb3 8satfactorily0 changed to 8satisfactorily0 ,page #ib3 8that ,cinderilla0 changed to 8that ,cinderella0 8therfore it cannot0 changed to 8therefore it cannot0 ,in the ads1 8combin the requisite0 changed to 8combine the requisite0