,the ,philistine ,a ,periodical of ,protest4 ,we make no proud boast that we are the chosen people of ,god2 we are simply plain ,philistines4--,,thackeray4 ,illustration3 ,no4 ,six4 ,printed ,every ,little ,while for ,the ,society of ,the ,philistines and ,published by ,them ,monthly4 ,subscription1 ,one ,dollar ,yearly ,single ,copies1 #aj ,cents4 ,november1 #ahie4 ,,special4 ,the ,bibelot for #ahie1 complete in the original wrappers1 uncut1 is now supplied on full paid subscriptions only1 at #ge cents net4 ,on completion of ,volume ,i in ,december the price will be #a4jj net in wrappers1 and #a4ej net in covers4 ,,invariably ,,postpaid4 ,covers for ,volume ,i ready in ,november4 ,these will be in old style boards1 in keeping with the artistic make-up of ,,the ,,bibelot1 and are supplied at #cj cents1 postpaid4 ,end papers and ,title-page are included1 whereby the local binder can case up the volume at about the cost of postage were it1 as is usual1 returned to the publisher for binding4 ,back ,numbers are #aj cents each1 subject to further advance as the edition decreases4 ,numbers ,issued3 ,i4 ,lyrics from ,william ,blake4 ,,ii4 ,ballades from ,francois ,villon4 ,,iii4 ,medival ,latin ,students' ,songs4 ,,iv4 ,a ,discourse of ,marcus ,aurelius4 ,v4 ,fragments from ,sappho4 ,,vi4 ,sonnets on ,english ,dramatic ,poets4 ,,vii4 ,the ,pathos of the ,rose in ,poetry4 ,,viii4 ,lyrics from ,james ,thomson 7,b4 ,v47 ,,ix4 ,hand and ,soul3 ,d4 ,g4 ,rosetti4 ,x4 ,a ,book of ,airs from ,campion4 ,,xi4 ,a ,lodging for the ,night4 7,november47 ,,thomas ,b4 ,,mosher1 ,publisher1 ,portland1 ,maine4 ,,little ,,journeys ,to the ,homes of ,good ,men and ,great4 ,a series of literary studies published in monthly numbers1 tastefully printed on hand-made paper1 with attractive title-page4 ,by ,,elbert ,,hubbard ,the publishers announce that ,little ,journeys will be issued monthly and that each number will treat of recent visits made by ,mr4 ,elbert ,hubbard to the homes and haunts of various eminent persons4 ,the subjects for the twelve numbers will be announced later4 ,the 8,journeys0 for #ahif will treat of visits to the homes of ,american authors4 ,,little ,,journeys3 ,published ,monthly1 #ej cents a year4 ,single copies1 #e cents1 postage paid4 8,little ,journeys0 and 8,the ,philistine0 will be sent to any address for one year for one dollar4 ,published by ,g4 ,p4 ,,putnam',s ,,sons1 #bg and #bi ,west #bc;d ,street1 ,new ,york4 #bd ,bedford ,street1 ,strand1 ,london4 ,the ,roycroft ,printing ,shop announces the publication about ,christmas time of an exquisite edition of the ,song of ,songs3 which is ,solomon's2 being a ,reprint of the text together with a ,study by ,mr4 ,elbert ,hubbard4 ,in this edition a most peculiar and pleasant effect is wrought by casting the ,song into dramatic form4 ,the ,study is sincere1 but not serious1 and has been declared by several ,learned ,persons1 to whom the proofsheets have been submitted1 to be a ,work of ,art4 ,the ,volume is thought a seemly and precious gift from any ,wife to any ,husband1 or from one ,friend to another4 ,the book is printed by hand1 with rubricated initials and title page1 on ,dickinson's handmade paper4 ,the type was cast to the order of the ,roycroft ,shop1 and is cut after one of the earliest ,roman faces4 ,it is probable that no more beautiful type for book printing was ever made1 and1 for reasons known to lovers of books1 this publication will mark an era in the art of printing in ,america4 ,only six hundred copies1 bound in flexible ,japan vellum1 have been made and will be offered for sale at two dollars each1 net4 ,there are also twelve copies printed on ,japan vellum throughout1 which will be sold at five dollars each4 ,every copy is numbered and signed by ,mr4 ,hubbard4 ,the type has been distributed and no further edition will be printed4 ,,the ,,roycroft ,,printing ,,shop1 ,east ,aurora1 ,new ,york4 ,,the ,,philistine4 ,edited by ,h4 ,p4 ,,taber4 ,,the ,,roycroft ,,printing ,,shop1 ,east ,aurora1 ,new ,york1 ,publishers4 ,,the ,,philistine is published monthly at #a a year1 #aj cents a single copy4 ,subscriptions may be left with newsdealers or sent direct to the publishers4 ,the trade supplied by the ,,american ,,news ,,company and its branches4 ,foreign agencies1 ,,brentano',s1 #cg ,avenue de l',opera1 ,paris2 ,g4 ,p4 ,,putnam',s ,,sons1 #bd ,bedford street1 ,strand1 ,london4 ,business communications should be addressed to ,,the ,,philistine1 ,east ,aurora1 ,new ,york4 ,matter intended for publication may be sent to the same address or to ,box #f1 ,cambridge1 ,massachusetts4 ,subscriptions can begin with the current number only4 ,a very limited quantity of back numbers can be supplied at #be cents each4 ,,the ,,philistine and ,little ,journeys will be sent to any address one year for #a4 ,entered at the ,postoffice at ,east ,aurora1 ,new ,york1 for transmission as mail matter of the second class4 ,,copyright1 #ahie1 by ,h4 ,p4 ,taber4 99 99 99 99 99 ,george ,p4 ,humphrey1 ,old ,books1 ,catalogues issued1 #be ,exchange street1 ,rochester1 ,n4 ,y4 ,,the ,,philistine4 ,,no4 #f4 ,november1 #ahie4 ,,vol4 #a4 ,a ,,sonnet ,,of ,,despair4 ,my captain calls to me to join the fray1 ,fame holds her fillet ready for my brow1 ,love stands with aching1 open arms1 and ,thou1 ,o ,god1 to whom ,i impotently pray1 ,art ever ready to receive me--yea1 ,dost yearn for my poor prisoned soul--then how ,becomes it that ,i linger in this slough ,of idle1 unclean days1 till ,i grow gray8 ,bound am ,i to a corpse1 face unto face1 ,of old iniquities1 and dead desire1 ,which1 fair and young1 of old did ,i embrace4 ,now chains of habit1 forged in ,passion's fire1 ,hold me forever in this durance base3 ,struggling to rise1 ,i wallow in the mire4 ,,claude ,,fayette ,,bragdon4 ,,the ,,combined ,,press4 ,it is all settled4 ,there was no other way4 ,art was held down by the ,jews1 who demanded that she come to their terms4 ,so she has given up1 not1 perhaps1 without a bit of a gurgle in her choked throat1 but like the new woman she has become1 she manfully faced the music with no bit of compromise4 ,she gave all1 asking nothing but that she be placed on a basis of 8commercial independence40 ,i quote from the announcement which the factory officials make to her old time friends--those who believed that ,art should exist because she was ,art1 and that she should not be compelled to sell her very soul for the dollars she could earn by working overtime in their sweat shops3 8,the ,combined ,press is a literary syndicate formed for the purpose of obtaining for writers commercial independence and liberal remuneration for high class work40 ,this starts out well1 and hereafter all writers who belong shall be given a rating in ,bradstreet's4 8,all contributors1 whether stockholders or otherwise1 will be given the privilege of receiving in payment the entire cash returns derived from their published matter1 less actual cost of service40 ,this is encouraging1 for writers may feel secure in getting some return for their labor2 but hopes are dashed in the next paragraph3 8,under no circumstances1 however1 will inferior contributions be accepted from any one1 and merit will in every case be given preference regardless either of authorship or membership40 ,the superintendent of the factory will1 of course be the judge as to merit4 ,regarding the ,plan the ,sad ,tale continues as follows3 8,one thousand shares of stock will be issued to writers of established merit at #ae4jj per share1 paid up value4 ,a payment of one-third of this amount will secure each share of the stock1 but no certificates will be issued until stock becomes fully paid up1 either by assessment or by accumulation of undivided profits40 ,this is where the trail of the serpent shows4 ,mark you3 it costs sums of money to be an ,artist4 ,the days when ,genius burned the tallow dip at midnight in the garret are forever gone1 for now1 when everybody will have a commercial standing1 the ,artists' ,labor ,union will permit of no more than eight hours labor each day4 ,here follows a choice bit3 8,no stock will be issued to other than writers of marked literary ability1 and applicants for membership will be required to give as reference the names of one or more high-class publications to which they have contributed4 ,applications for stock will be referred to a committee on membership1 and no stock will be transferable1 except to such as are deemed entitled to membership by this committee40 ,what is 8marked literary ability10 and who does the marking8 ,the factory1 as it is now conducted1 will consist of six departments4 ,following is a list of the ,foremen and ,forewomen to whom all complaints and applications for positions must be made3 8,fiction1 ,ruth ,mc,enery ,stuart2 ,humor1 ,r4 ,k4 ,munkittrick2 ,washington1 ,a4 ,h4 ,lewis 7,dan ,quin72 ,juvenile1 ,john ,kendrick ,bangs2 ,woman1 ,frances ,bacon ,paine2 ,agricultural1 ,james ,knapp ,reeve40 ,the following paragraph did not seem to me to be quite complete1 so ,i have filled out the things which were apparently forgotten in the hurry of getting this remarkable circular before the public3 8,striking articles of adventure 7true or false71 discovery1 achievement and special news are desired2 also dramatic short stories1 with or without action and not less than five per cent human interest1 for young and old1 especially the old2 anecdotes1 quaint1 humorous and pathetic2 novelettes1 poems1 jingles1 verselets1 squibs1 squabs1 jokes--everything1 in fact1 that will interest1 comfort1 amuse1 harass or annoy the modern or ancient reader1 thoroughly artistic in execution1 will be available4 8,too much emphasis cannot be placed on the statement that only high-class matter1 especially prepared for the ,combined ,press1 will be used at #aej a column1 net4 ,we solicit and will pay the highest cash prices for hides1 tallow1 horns and pelts4 ,also for sale1 cement1 wool 7wild from the ,west71 hair 7,le ,gallienne and ,ibsen brands71 bricks 7with or without straw7 and material for building a modern periodical4 8,the stock books will be closed on ,november fifteenth1 in order to complete the organization and make contracts for the coming year1 stock remaining unsold ,november fifteenth having been already arranged for by parties in ,new ,york ,city4 8,address all communications to ,the ,combined ,press1 #aabh-aabi ,american ,tract ,building1 ,new ,york4 8,directors--,john ,kendrick ,bangs1 ,president2 ,ruth ,mc,enery ,stuart1 ,vice ,president2 ,r4 ,k4 ,munkittrick1 ,secretary2 ,albert ,b4 ,paine1 ,treasurer2 ,a4 ,h4 ,lewis 7,dan ,quin71 ,washington2 ,james ,knapp ,reeve1 ,chief ,geezer40 ,following is the form for use of those who want positions3 ,form #dbg #cjj ,m ,,the ,,combined ,,press4 ,,application ,,for ,,employment4 #ahi ,to ,james ,knapp ,reeve1 ,head ,geezer1 ,american ,tract ,building1 ,new ,york3 ,i 7,name in full1 three names if possible7 do hereby apply for a position as and if employed do agree to faithfully observe all rules and regulations of the ,combined ,press1 to maintain strict integrity of character1 to abstain from the use of intoxicating liquors and profane swearing1 not to assign my wages1 and that ,i will perform my duties to the best of my ability4 ,i was born the day of year of in ,county of ,state of ,my height is feet inches2 weight pounds4 ,married or single4 7,if married1 give full name and address of wife or husband1 and how you like it47 ,name and address of parents1 if living4 ,if dead1 state so1 and why4 ,names of those wholly dependent upon and supported by me4 7,this must be answered in full47 ,divorced8 7,if not1 why not87 ,full name and address of last employer and occupation4 ,names of all editors by whom employed1 with bill of particulars giving times and places4 ,cause of leaving 7in each case74 ,names of 8high-class publications referred to who will endorse the applicant as a reliable1 industrious and competent person of marked literary ability40 ,witnesses3 ,x ,mark here4 ,,factory ,,notes4 ,james ,knapp ,reeve has been engaged as night watchman4 ,last ,tuesday ,munkittrick1 who has charge of the automatic double-chisel mortising machine1 while getting out his second batch of verselets for the day and talking with ,frankie ,paine at the same time1 accidentally lost a thumb4 ,you must be more careful1 ,munk4 ,dan ,quin is laid off for a week for sassing the foreman4 ,ruth ,stuart is pasting labels on boxes on the sixth floor4 ,jimmy ,reeve is captain of the ,combined ,press ,base ,ball ,club1 which will play against the ,mule ,spinners from ,cohoes on ,thursday4 ,johnnie ,bangs had the misfortune to lose his pay envelope last ,saturday night4 ,it contained #d4fe4 ,the finder will please send it to him at ,yonkers4 ,the ,albert ,bigelow ,paine ,chowder ,club will give one of their delightful assemblies at ,milligan's ,hall at the ,hydraulics next ,saturday4 ,gents1 #ce;c4 ,ladies1 free4 ,and do my ,,philistine readers think this is all good fooling8 ,do they think that no such circular was ever issued8 ,i hope they do4 ,it is pleasant to retain our old fashioned belief that men write because they have something to say3 because like ,charles ,reade they have a purpose to accomplish2 because like ,thackeray they can dazzle us with the satire of a master1 or because like ,stevenson they can take us to ,treasure ,island or on that ,inland ,voyage where were days of such delight as come rarely to men4 ,this circular1 however1 is a stubborn reality printed in muddy black and gory red1 and the word ,combined is evidently pronounced ,combin-ed4 ,it will be sent to poor devils who imagine that by subscribing to a fifteen-dollar share of stock1 their wares may be marketed like peaches in ,september1 by men whose names are known because they are signed to 8verselets1 squibs and jokes0 in ,harper's ,drawer4 ,thus may the salaries of the officers be paid4 ,it's a lovely plan1 and could originate in no better place than ,franklin1 ,ohio4 ,then1 too1 8,american ,tract ,building0 sounds good4 ,surely nothing else than sincerity could issue from a ,tract ,building1 and a guarantee of 8commercial independence0 is worth something4 ,but it's none the less pathetic1 for all that4 ,many shares of stock will be taken1 and many weary days will be spent waiting for the promised halo which1 after all1 wouldn't fit if it came4 ,it was the father of ,jules ,st4 ,ange1 if ,i remember correctly1 who made 8the so best sugah in ,new ,orleans10 ,and he died and never sold a barrel of it4 ,he was happy because he knew it was the best1 though the commercial men told him it was not4 ,so1 too1 as all the ,world's ,louis has said1 8,he who has meant good work has done good work1 though he has not the time to sign his name40 ,i knew a man once1 though1 who worked many weary hours one ,christmas time1 and made a holiday story for a morning paper4 ,it was a story of such truth as moved men to give to a hospital in a great city such money as supported it for half a year1 and sick children were made well because of it4 ,but he was not a man of 8marked literary ability0 and he never knew what he had done4 ,he was not an ,adam ,smith1 and he knew little and cared less about the wealth of nations4 ,he simply wrote the truth from a heart that knew its own4 ,such men do not need to be told if their work be good or bad4 ,they give us the best there is in them1 and we are comforted because they have told us the things we knew before1 only we didn't know how to put them on paper4 ,h4 ,p4 ,,taber4 ,,to ,,robert ,,herrick4 ,jocund ,herrick tho' this age ,leaves uncut thy merry page1 ,leaves thy song1 thy robust jest ,for ,quixotic modern quest2 ,thinks that all poetic bliss ,is summed in soul-analysis2 ,swinburne's strange erratic flight1 ,weird desire and wild delight2 ,pleasures in the paltry host-- ,starveling muse's meager ghost ,dribbling song in purblind flow-- ,poesy has sunk so low4 ,i would see beside the rill ,decked with ,lawn and ,daffodil ,sweetly thro' the morning air-- ,corinna going to the fair6 ,i would hear the birds and bees ,sung of in ,hesperides2 ,would that ,i were with you there1 ,drunken with the dewy air4 ,and ,julia1 paragon of grace1 ,i would look upon her face2 ,then might ,i inspired be1 ,fit to join thy company4 ,ah6 ,herrick1 softly on thy mound ,i would still bestrew the ground-- ,daffodil and rosemary ,tokens for thy memory4 ,,eugene ,r4 ,,white4 ,a ,,thriftless ,,benefit4 ,he was a man of humble dress and humble mien1 and when he entered the parlor of the rich manufacturer he was obviously dazed by the upholstery and the pictures--especially the upholstery4 ,he had to wait ten minutes before the lord of the mansion appeared--a pompous man with an expanse of shirt1 waistcoat and watchchain that were imposing1 and a couple of whiskers that bristled in uncompromising pride4 ,he looked at the meek figure seated on the edge of the least expensive chair1 with a slight expression of scorn and irritation1 and grunted1 8,well1 sir80 8,you must excuse me for coming10 said the diffident one1 8but ,i wish to speak to you on a matter that is of the most vital importance to yourself40 8,what6 ,are the hands going to strike again8 ,d--n them60 8,oh1 sir1 please do not use such language4 ,i have recently been discouraged from using it myself1 and it does hurt my feelings so6 ,i beg that you will not employ those terms1 at least1 in my presence40 8,what in the devil0---- 8,there you are again1 sir1 if you please4 ,don't1 ,i beg of you40 8,well1 go on40 ,the visitor sank his voice to a thrilling undertone3 8,i am told that you have wine on your table40 8,of course ,i have4 ,what of it80 8,beware of it1 sir4 ,there is death in the glass40 8,those infernal1 beg your pardon1 mill hands1 ,i'll bet40 8,no1 sir1 not that4 ,it is the wine itself4 ,keep to water4 ,it isn't very good just now1 but you can filter it1 or use it for tea40 8,bah60 8,oh1 do not bah at it1 sir4 ,i'm pleading for your good4 ,again1 ,i am informed that you smoke4 ,stop it1 please1 at once40 8,what6 ,even my cigars poisoned8 ,this is horrible40 8,tobacco is itself a poison1 sir4 ,again1 you were not at church last ,sunday4 ,nor at prayer meeting on ,friday night4 ,i am told that you made no contribution last month for foreign missions4 ,i am credibly informed that you have had no ,bible readings in your house for years4 ,there is a rumor that you belong to a club1 and that you once played poker there40 ,the millionaire1 who had been growing crimson1 now turned purple2 his waistcoat inflated1 his whiskers were like quills on the porcupine4 ,he glared and sputtered1 but could find no words4 8,then1 too10 resumed the visitor in a meek tone1 8,i hear that you patronize theaters1 and have even been to the opera2 that you permit your family to spend large sums on trivial entertainments and personal adornment2 that the amount you wasted on dinners last winter would have repaired the alms-house2 that you never visit the hospitals and jails2 that if you keep on in this selfish and wasteful course you are likely to become a nuisance to the neighborhood and a burden on the public2 that0---- ,the rich man found his voice in a roar3 8,you audacious scoundrel6 ,get out of this1 or ,i'll kill you4 ,how dare you come here and lecture me in my own house80 ,and overcome by wrath he fell into an arm chair and hissed4 8,it's strange that it doesn't work both ways10 continued the meek one1 reflectively1 8,your wife and daughter called on me yesterday in the interests of the ,east ,side ,charitable ,interference ,society1 of which you are president4 ,they made me see the error of my course1 and ,i was actuated only by a hope of accomplishing your moral improvement by coming here4 ,for is not wine worse than beer8 ,are not perfectos more injurious to the health than pipes8 ,is not poker more expensive than pinocle8 ,is not your club more luxurious than the ,peter ,h4 ,milligan ,association1 of which ,i used to be floor manager8 ,isn't it as bad for you to go to theaters and stay away from prayers as it is for me8 ,oh1 brother1 let me plead with you to have more faith--to exercise more the gifts of the spirit4 ,let me0---- ,at this point the millionaire struggled out of an impending fit of apoplexy and threw a chair at the meek man1 who escaped4 ,and the ,east ,side ,charitable ,interference ,society never called on him again4 ,it gave him up as a hopeless case4 ,,charles ,m4 ,,skinner4 ,a ,,question ,,of ,,form4 8,,let ,,me ,,not ,,much ,,complain40 ,let me not much complain of life1 in age2 ,life is not faulty1 life is well enough1 ,for those who love their daily round of doing1 ,and take things rounded1 never in the rough1 ,turning from day to day the same old page1 ,and their old knowledge ever more renewing4 ,i have known many such2 through life they went ,with moderate use of moderate heritage1 ,giving and spending1 saving as they spent1 ,these are wise men1 though never counted sage2 ,they looked for little1 easy men to please2 ,but ,i1 more deeply drunk of life's full cup1 ,feel1 as my lips come nearer to the lees1 ,i dived for pearls1 and brought but pebbles up4 --,thomas ,william ,parsons1 in the ,century4 ,by title the above lines commend themselves as 8well enough0 wisdom1 yet will ,i 8much complain0 of them4 ,here are fourteen lines4 ,at glance the eye anticipates a sonnet1 following one of the fixed orders of sonnet rhymes4 ,the end of the third line yielding no recurrent sound1 the ear is disappointed and infers blank verse1 while expectation is frustrated by the fourth line rhyming with the second4 ,did we read aright8 ,perhaps the first and third lines do conform to the ,shakspearean order now suggested6 ,go back4 8,age10--8doing10 no6 and we reach 8page0 at the end of line fifth with the suspicion that we have stumbled on a nondescript4 ,well1 give it another chance1 and begin again6 ,this time we ask3 what is it in the third and fourth lines that gives the ear a sensation as if something was struck with a hammer8 ,yes1 8round0 and its iterate 8rounded40 ,such sforzando does not occur in a good sonnet unless there is an idea to be emphasized1 to which the mind is pointed by the ear4 ,but we conclude that this is not a sonnet1 and apatheticly scan didactic platitudes through eleven lines till sobriety is startled by the all too frank confession of the twelfth4 ,we read it twice1 to see if it is not a lapse of grammar1 or a squeeze of 8have drank0 to meet the exigencies of rhythm1 and come up from the dive of the last line thirsty to know just what image ,mr4 ,parsons had in his mind4 ,was his conception analogous to that of the reporter's who described the pretty actress as 8standing on the brink of the rushing torrent of ,niagara and drinking it all in with shining eyes08 ,was 8life's full cup0 so immense that ,mr4 ,parsons dove therein for pearls8 ,a pretty large cup to drink to the lees1 that8 ,is there1 as a rule1 any reasonable expectation of discovering pearls or pebbles1 or1 for that matter1 lees1 in a wine cup8 ,was the condition so awkwardly characterized in the twelfth line--but no6 there is simply an unconsidered mixing of metaphors in this short poem1 that starts with the book of life1 and in the last three lines introduces the cup of life1 and the sea of life4 ,the last line1 by the way1 is mixed upon itself4 ,pearls and pebbles are not found mingled1 and at the bottom of the sea1 notwithstanding ,robert ,browning's ,divers in ,pan and ,luna4 ,who dive for pearls do not so on pebbly bottoms4 ,no doubt1 by unluck1 they often bring up valueless shells4 ,the orders of rhythms and rhymes in a sonnet are supposed to be known to all poetasters--or one can consult the ,century ,dictionary4 ,these forms should be kept in sacred reserve4 ,therein the poet may mold some holy sentiment or feeling--not with wandering thought3 rising through the personal to the universal1 or perhaps veiling the universal in the personal4 ,if one reproduces such trite didactic thought1 why not bestow enough labor to shape a pure form8 ,by so doing the platitudes even might be polished and made to shine like new1 with new metaphor4 ,i have not been able to resist the temptation of trying a prentice hand on the metaphors in ,mr4 ,parsons's lines4 ,perhaps with more spleen against the 8well enough10 more enthusiasm for the intoxication not of the wine1 and more sympathy for the luckless diver4 ,,failure4 ,too long ,i've lingered inland fruitlessly1 ,strolling with moonlit loves through narrow vales1 ,where to rapt hearts rave love-tranced nightingales6 ,i so said1 thrilling to the far off sea1 ,whose deep voiced tides and storms were calling me3 ,leave dalliance1 and breast my wholesome gales1 ,the world is known not in thy timid dales2 ,my winds 'twixt nations waft my lovers free4 ,but when ,i came unto the thundrous shore1 ,long enervating habit balked intent2 ,my ventured wealth returned less than before1 ,i dove for pearls1 found only empty shells3 ,yet learned ,i then what love and peace have meant1 ,though not why famed ambitions strike their knells4 ,,william ,,james ,,baker4 ,,happiness4 ,the happiest thing ,the freest thing ,that man may hope to see ,is a sun-bonnet-mite ,of a country child ,in the top ,of an apple tree4 ,,mary ,,dawson4 ,a ,,plea ,,for ,,inebriety4 ,is that ancient and honorable institution1 the ,new ,york ,chamber of ,commerce1 becoming frisky and convivial in its old age8 ,will it in its ripe judgment recommend that the proper course for one to pursue is to tread the perfumed paths of ,bacchus8 ,does the ,chamber1 as a body1 indorse the able and thoughtful article in the ,october ,forum1 by ,mr4 ,louis ,windmuller1 one of its honored members1 in which that gentleman makes a strong plea for inebriety and drunkenness8 ,mr4 ,windmuller is certain that the policy of ,mr4 ,roosevelt toward the liquor interests in ,new ,york will sap the lifeblood of our institutions1 and he sends up a cry of alarm4 ,it may be gathered from ,mr4 ,windmuller's well considered paper that there can be no true happiness in this life without strong drink1 and plenty of it4 ,contentment and peace of mind will slink under the bed unless there be a flagon on the table4 ,domestic felicity will be a hollow mockery1 a failure and a fraud if there be not a keg in the cellar and a case of ,culmbacher on the ice4 ,our gifted author does not say it in so many words1 but it is clearly his view that man's faculties are at their best only when the gentle glow of intoxication steals over the brain and articulation thickens and halts by the way4 ,he goes even further4 ,he firmly believes that ours is a land to hastening ills a prey1 unless we speedily go to ,bavaria for our excise laws and fling ,roosevelt over the ,battery wall4 ,only a lack of space prevented ,mr4 ,windmuller from giving the ,sunday schools a side wipe1 and he comes very near it as it is4 ,evidently he looks upon them as a blot or something equally unpleasant4 ,they have no bars1 and1 moreover1 their teaching is all the other way4 ,this makes our author a prey to melancholy and his brow is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought4 ,but what the ,philistines are anxious to know is1 does the ancient and honorable ,new ,york ,chamber of ,commerce believe that man reaches his best estate only when he has a jag on8 ,r4 ,w4 ,,criswell4 ,,side ,,talks ,,with ,,the ,,philistines3 ,,being ,,sundry ,,bits ,,of ,,wisdom ,,which ,,have ,,been ,,heretofore ,,secreted1 ,,and ,,are ,,now ,,set ,,forth ,,in ,,print4 ,i suppose no one was much surprised that ,john ,oliver ,hobbes wanted a legal release from the man who called himself her husband1 but when the mother of ,fauntleroy and the author of the ,quick or the ,dead followed in the category of misfits ,i doubt not ,mona ,caird lifted up her voice in the wilderness and there was joy in the camp of the ,claflin-,woodhulls4 ,but the marrying and giving in marriage go right along1 for this isn't heaven2 and the multitude that don't complain put the literary folks who do to a kind of proof not easy to face4 ,since nature made men and women to marry1 the wire-drawn literary folks who can't stay married have the floor for an explanation4 ,there are bitter critics who cry 8,i told you so10 and maybe they did--when it is announced that ,amelie ,rives can no longer endure her ,chanler4 ,perhaps he is only common tallow after all--half a dozen to the pound4 ,the maids and manlings who read ,according to ,st4 ,john and believed ,miss ,rives's emphasized statement that 8,love is the fulfilling of the law0 must wonder if she meant the law she has just invoked to give her liberty4 ,it is a choice of the quick or the dead now--the dead love or the quick release--and there is something more than tragic in the appeal through a prosaic court to 8deliver me from the body of this death40 ,no1 there is no discredit to any one in the pleadings of the impulsive young ,southerner for her liberty4 ,nobody has broken any law4 ,they can't live together--that's all1 and all the amatory fury of the novel that gave her fame is a dead waste4 ,it was honest when it was written1 no doubt1 but the pitch was too high4 ,the happy 7more or less7 millions who don't run to the public with a transcript of their strongest emotions or to a court for release from their vows must have learned a secret unknown to the ,hobbeses and the ,riveses and the ,bashkirtseffs4 ,they have found the happy middle line between the neurotic extreme that holds the master emotion to be a matter of physiology or of pathology--the ,zolas and the ,helgardeners respectively4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i read with unfeigned regret that the repairs which lately have been going forward in the ,new ,york postoffice will have to be abandoned until more funds accumulate in the ,united ,states ,treasury4 ,this is bad4 ,it will leave the new elevator suspended between ,heaven and earth in an unfinished condition for the ,lord only knows how long4 ,patrons of the ,federal building on ,manhattan ,island will therefore be obliged to patronize the two antedeluvian other on the ,park ,row side4 ,and this is always attended with the keenest disappointments4 ,for example3 ,you go to the ,broadway 8lift0 and find it placarded1 8,not running2 try the other40 ,you journey around to ,park ,row1 only to be confronted with this1 8,out of order2 try ,broadway40 ,then you mount the stairs1 which you ought to have done in the first place1 for the reason that the man who takes passage in one of the ,new ,york postoffice elevators can have no possible idea when he will see his family again4 ,it is said that the regular patrons of these elevators take their luncheons with them2 but this imputes to them a sprightliness of motion which they do not possess4 ,the gentleman who made the ascent to the moon by way of the horns of the ,darby ram went up in ,january and didn't come down till ,june4 ,persons have been known to enter these national 8lifts0 on the up trip in ,december and not get back till the ,fourth of ,july4 ,the several elevators in the ,east ,aurora postoffice are of the rapid transit variety1 and never stop1 except when clogged with the ,,philistine',s mail4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a woman who knows my weakness for potato salad on ,sunday evenings asked me to lunch with her a few days ago4 ,she has some boys--,i don't remember how many1 and it doesn't really matter--who make curious and totally irrelevant remarks1 one to the other4 ,then they let drive biscuits through the air and accompany the sailing food with whoops1 great and terrible4 ,they are good boys--as children go--but wanting to know more about such matters1 ,i bought ,mr4 ,pater's ,child in the ,house to present it to my cousin ,anthony1 who has a very new boy--his first--just to let him see what he has ahead of him4 ,and then it wasn't about that kind of a boy at all4 ,i wonder why nobody except ,mr4 ,aldrich has written a story of a really truly boy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is comforting to know that when a man loses his job being president he can do such things as this for the man who made ,philadelphia and the ,home ,journal and all that in them is3 8,in a series of popular articles ex-,president ,benjamin ,harrison will aim to explain clearly just what this ,government means and how it is conducted4 ,he will explain the ,constitution1 its origin and meaning2 outline the different legislative bodies2 our foreign relations2 the power of the ,president2 how the ,house and ,senate legislate1 and touch upon and explain the great ,national questions40 ,mr4 ,harrison will also devote several numbers to a detailed description of the scrap between ,colonel ,william ,patterson and the ,unknown1 endeavoring to explain that ,colonel ,patterson inflicted his own wounds in order to gain notoriety--just like ,dr4 ,parkhurst4 99 99 99 99 99 ,from a magazine with four million subscribers ,i clip this choice bit from ,the ,woman's ,corner4 ,the advice is given by ,mrs4 ,rorer3 8,cleaning a chicken is beautiful work4 ,it is a deal easier than boiling potatoes and not half so messy as painting and modeling4 8,for brain-workers the red meats are most sustaining4 ,bread and potatoes should be avoided as much as possible4 ,brain-workers should avoid warmed-over meats--the dainty entrees of which people are so fond are simply hash1 and no matter how good the food tastes it is not wholesome40 ,ho6 ye poets1 no wonder your verse is rank2 you probably live on 8simply hash20 and 8warmed-over0 meats only give you warmed-over ideas4 ,long have ,i told you to eschew sack and low company4 ,now do as ,mrs4 ,rorer says and avoid bread and potatoes1 and get comfort out of the thought that ,mrs4 ,rorer does not forbid you looking upon the meat when it is red6 99 99 99 99 99 ,the price is five cents1 but is too much4 ,the only thing about the periodical that is pretty is the picture on the cover1 which represents a nice young lady in the act of crowning a black tom-cat with a wreath of burdock4 ,then why a black cat8 ,why not a maltese1 or a tortoise shell or a plain grey blanket8 ,but ,tom is an inky black1 and looks as if he could not keep proper hours even if he tried4 ,however1 that marvellous cover is a bit of symbolism4 ,i am told that the young lady represents one of the ,mewses and the cheeky cat is ,max ,pemberton1 who is perfectly willing to be crowned4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i wish to notify the public that ,i have known ,frank ,a4 ,munsey for twenty-nine years1 come ,michaelmas1 and will vouch that any picture he prints is pretty4 99 99 99 99 99 ,possibly it is as well to confess that the ,universalists got listed with the ,evangelical denominations in the summary of the last census on a fluke4 ,may they do ,st4 ,peter with equal ease6 ,mr4 ,wright didn't know any better1 but having put them there and electrotyped the plates1 he could not change the record without considerable expense4 ,he therefore turned to and proved that after all ,universalists were ,evangelistic and had been since the days of ,constantine1 and now he offers to caper in an argument on the question against all comers for a thousand dollars4 ,darwin says we feel a thing is true first and prove it afterward2 but ,mr4 ,wright prints it first1 accidentally discovers it1 then knowing he has to prove it1 claims it as truth and dares any one to tread on the tail of his coat4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i notice that a famous globe-trotter is scheduled for a series of articles for a 8literary0 syndicate of some pretensions4 ,among her announced themes is ,etiquette1 both general and particular1 and lest there be some misapprehensions ,i hasten to say that this is not ,mr4 ,bok's social kindergarten and has no connection with the ,missus' ,home ,journal1 ,a department of this subject is thus set forth in the circular3 ---------------------------------------- - ,,extraordinary ,,etiquette4 ,,how ,,to ,,meet ,,social ,,emergencies ,,that ,,are ,,the ,,outgrowth ,,of ,,modern ,,life3 ,,divorce ,,etiquette4 ,,the ,,fashionable ,,funeral4 ,,endorsing ,,social ,,aspirants4 ,,in ,,cases ,,of ,,financial ,,failure4 ---------------------------------------- - ,it is so nice to be informed what to do when you are divorced and how to treat your friends1 if you have any1 8in cases of financial failure40 ,so important1 too1 seeing that these social emergencies are 8the outgrowth of modern life10 and of course it's legitimate outgrowth--for no illegitimate outgrowth would for a moment engage the virtuous attention of the rival of ,nellie ,bly4 ,other chapters tell women how to behave 8when dispensing millions10 a valuable thing for every one to know1 and also the how and whereas of 8the womanly woman0 in public life--such occupations being specified as 8street cleaning1 road making and regulating schools and saloons40 ,abundant illustrations are promised1 and ,i have no doubt the newest thing in milk shakes and the jerking of beer will come within their scope4 ,the new woman grows newer every day4 99 99 99 99 99 ,and is ,judge ,grant right when he says a man cannot be healthy1 virtuous or wise unless his income is ten thousand a year8 99 99 99 99 99 ,in ,harper's for ,october ,mr4 ,brander ,matthews explains that story-tellers 8are of three kinds40 ,startling1 thrice startling1 is this frightful truth which the ,second-,prize-,taker sets forth6 ,three kinds8 ,gadzooks1 and here the world has staggered along for six thousand years believing there were only two--the good and bad4 ,and then the breezy ,brander says3 8,mr4 ,du ,maurier has the gift of story telling4 ,no doubt ,mr4 ,du ,maurier has also other qualities1 for instance the gift of pleasant humor and broad sympathy40 ,will the ,philistines please note that ,professor ,brander ,matthews of ,columbia ,college considers that a man may be a successful novelist and still not have 8pleasant humor0 and 8broad sympathy20 or should we be charitable and take it that he is writing in self defense8 ,but a bright woman at my elbow says she knows what ,brander ,matthews wrote that article for--he wrote it for ,fifty ,dollars4 ,then what does ,brander ,matthews mean when he declares that 8,miss ,austen was the grandmother of ,mr4 ,howells08 ,accidentally ,i once coupled ,mr4 ,howells with ,mr4 ,bok1 for which ,i duly apologized to ,mr4 ,howells1 but ,i never gave him such a dig as ,brander ,matthews does in the ,october ,harper's4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,washington ,capital says3 ,that baby ,goliath1 ,,the ,,philistine1 is trying hard to make something choice in the way of a ,bok bier3 but what's the use8 ,the ,tin ,god is immortal4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when in #ahib ,mr4 ,ham ,garland prophesied that ,chicago would soon be the literary center of ,america1 the ,ink-,stained of the ,east said 8,shoo60 ,but the prophecy is fast coming true4 ,the first edition of ,mr4 ,thomas ,w4 ,mudgett's book was sold in a week2 and the good people of the ,windy ,city are taking a justifiable pride in the achievement of their best known citizen4 8,h4 ,h4 ,holmes0 is ,mr4 ,mudgett's nom de plume4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 ,cudahy recommends ,bovox for novel readers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in that bundle of choice things entitled ,in ,this ,our ,world1 by ,charlotte ,perkins ,stetson1 is a poem called 8,mr4 ,rockefeller's ,prayer40 ,preceding the poem is this note of explanation3 8,the wealthy ,mr4 ,rockefeller is reported to have said that his income is so much in excess of his power to spend it that he has to kneel down every day and ask for ,divine guidance in getting rid of it40 ,it may here be stated for the benefit of the unenlightened that ,mr4 ,rockefeller be not a ,philistine1 he be a ,baptist1 a ,close ,communion ,baptist1 and therefore a firm believer in the efficacy of prayer4 ,now while ,i have no wish to quibble with ,mrs4 ,stetson1 ,i am of the opinion that she has been misled as to the facts4 ,mr4 ,rockefeller considers the ,lord too much his debtor to get down on his knees to ,him1 and if he ever did it was to ask ,him how to get rid of ,professor ,bemis and not how to get rid of his wealth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,and after all1 has ,rockefeller got rid of ,bemis8 99 99 99 99 99 ,i am sorry that ,anthony ,hope has married off the ,princess ,osra4 ,she was a delightful old maid1 and now that she's the ,countess of ,mittenheim her story's done4 ,for ,anthony ,hope is a romanticist1 not a veritist1 and therefore tells the truth about the most vital thing in life1 which is the soul of romance4 ,that most vital fact is that there is virtue in true lovers and marriage is not a failure with people who are good enough for chivalry4 ,so there will be no more adventures for the charming princess who has so strong a mind and so warm a heart that she might stand as the type of the new woman4 ,she has found the port and happy haven of her life4 ,thanks to the breezy narrator of her voyages4 ,but how we shall miss the bluff monarch who has that rare accompaniment of power--a sense of humor4 ,let us petition the court chronicler of ,zenda for a partial remission of sentence4 ,let us have the merry ,rudolf and his boys for awhile1 though the star of his kingdom has gone out4 99 99 99 99 99 ,sixty-nine applications for stock have reached the ,combined ,press from ,cluett1 ,coon ,company's employees alone4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to gentlemen about to make presents to bookish ladies ,i commend that most charming thing1 ,the ,female ,offender1 by my esteemed co-worker in the vineyard1 ,c4 ,lombroso4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i don't know whether the following headlines1 taken from a recent number of ,footlights1 are ironical or sarcastic1 but to a man whose memory extends back to the thirties they seem curious3 ,,the ,,new ,,woman--,fay ,templeton4 99 99 99 99 99 8,every ,man ,his ,own ,nordau0 is the theme of the word-builder in the ,scribner's foreground study this month4 8,degeneration ,while ,you ,wait0 is the motto of the retrospectives who read ,grant et al in the ,buddhist's ,own4 99 99 99 99 99 ,possibly ,mr4 ,pullman is not a praying man1 and perhaps he merely accepted 8the ,universalist compromise with ,infidelity10 as that staunch ,calvinist1 ,russell ,sage1 who gives #be1jjj yearly to ,foreign ,missions1 avers2 yet ,mr4 ,pullman has not lost all sense of piety1 for he 8lifts the collection0 religiously in five thousand ,palace ,cars every morning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,richmond1 ,virginia1 publishing house is out with a history of the ,united ,states1 and from the advance notices it ought to have a good sale in the land of reconstruction4 ,all the notices are from the land of cotton4 ,the ,houston ,post says it sets forth the heroic struggles 8for self government and the sovereignty of the ,states40 ,i haven't seen any reviews from north of ,mason and ,dixon's line1 but the ,new ,york ,tribune ought to give the book a handsome send off1 and if the ,tribune neglects it1 why there's the ,cleveland ,leader or ,la ,monte ,g4 ,raymond's ,allegany ,republican4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mc,clure's pillory will present ,abraham ,lincoln next4 ,mr4 ,lincoln1 being dead1 can not say a word4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,sons of the ,house of ,putnam 7vide ,chip ,munk1 ,may #ae71 are bringing out a serial1 one part every twelve months4 ,quilp says that if the ,sons would make it once in twelve years it would suit him as well4 99 99 99 99 99 ,there is in ,england a flourishing sect that believes we are now being punished for sins committed in a former life3 the chief tenet of the creed being that this earth is ,hell4 ,the ,london ,echo seriously explains that the ,,philistine is the organ of this peculiar religious denomination2 but the ,echo is mistaken--the ,,philistine is strictly non-sectarian4 ,it believes there are hells which exist on earth1 but fortunately only in isolated places--and further that the head devils in most of them are managing editors of daily alleged newspapers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,advance announcements of the ,november ,scribner's emphasize the good news that 8,the final part of ,robert ,grant's ,art of ,living appears in this number40 ,the ,december ,scribner's ought to be pretty good4 99 99 99 99 99 ,why ,bliss ,carman and ,stephen ,crane do not write for ,lippincott's has long been a mystery to me4 ,some of their verse is bad enough4 ,but the secret is out4 ,they have only two names apiece4 99 99 99 99 99 ,here endeth the ,first ,volume4 99 99 99 99 99 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,new ,,godiva4 ,new dames that 8in the flying of a wheel cry down the past0 take pride or shame in this3 ,if she who raised the tax from ,coventry scorched through the town this noon1 no ,peering ,tom would risk his eyes--sated with stranger sights1 in these swift days4