,,the ,,oak ,,shade1 ,,or ,,records ,,of ,a ,,village ,,literary ,,association4 ,,edited ,,by ,,maurice ,,eugene4 ,,philadelphia3 ,,willis ,p4 ,,hazzard1 #agh ,,chestnut ,,street4 #ahee4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahee1 by ,,alex4 ,c4 ,,bryson1 7for the ,editor17 ,in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,united ,states1 in and for the ,eastern ,district of ,pennsylvania4 ,,alex4 ,c4 ,,bryson1 ,,printer1 #ada ,chestnut ,street4 ,,contents4 ,,dedication #e ,,preface #i ,,hans ,,dundermann3 ,,the ,,dutch ,,miser #aa ,,the ,,wisdom ,,of ,,preserving ,,moderation ,,in ,,our ,,wishes #dc ,,the ,,sick ,,mother #ec ,,the ,,excellencies ,,of ,,lying #ge ,,the ,,alchemist3 ,,or1 ,,the ,,magic ,,funnel #hg ,,the ,,beauty ,,of ,a ,,well-,,cultivated ,,heart #abc ,,the ,,dream ,,of ,a ,,loafer #acc ,,conclusion #bac ,,dedication4 ,in this age of prolific intellects1 neither author nor editor is compelled to search for a patron of letters amongst a horde of illiterate and conceited noblemen1 addle-pated princes and lords2 nor is he1 in this progressive country1 constrained to beg the favor of some distinguished demagogue's name to give caste or currency to the lucubrations of his brain1 or the compilations of his industry4 ,this may be regarded as a very favorable change in the times1 yet it is not without its inconveniences1 which the editor has fully experienced4 ,not being bold enough to violate a well-established precedent1 and send his volume forth into the world without a dedication1 he was for a while sorely perplexed in his inquiries for a proper person to whom to inscribe it4 ,although modern progress could freely dispense with the patronage of the nobility1 it still retains the practice which perpetuates their former importance in the literary market4 ,thus the author who is too cautious to trample upon a time-honored custom1 is frequently no little embarrassed in his laudable efforts to observe it1 not having an array of aristocratic vanity1 ever ready to be redeemed from its insignificance through a lying dedication1 from which to make a choice to please his fancy4 ,true1 the editor might have determined to send his volume adrift under false colors1 by writing some imaginary creature's name upon the title-page1 and then dedicated it to himself1--for which1 no doubt1 he could have found precedents enough4 ,after giving to this idea the careful deliberation to which it was entitled1 he came to the conclusion that no better expedient could be devised to provide him with an even disposition2 for should he hear his name noised about by every fool and knave1 who are always so vociferous in their praise or censure as to overrule entirely the worthier opinions of the wise and honest1 his temper would never fall below the seething point4 ,he therefore wisely avoided1 in this wilful manner1 to hazard both his character and his happiness4 8,but10 he hears you ask1 8had he no rich and flourishing acquaintance1 who would gladly have permitted the inscription1 and verily believed it a great honor80 ,he is not so fortunate 7or unfortunate1 if you please17 as to be without at least a score of the kind2 but not one of whom would have failed to degrade his book1 through a cursed propensity 8to turn everything into a speculation40 ,then1 too1 he might have dedicated it to some personal friend1 but upon looking around1 he could see none whom he particularly desired to own as such1 except a few poor fellows with whom he occasionally whiles away an entertaining hour on a gloomy ,sunday4 ,amongst these1 however1 he recognised none whose poverty1--than which few things sooner fall under the ban of the world1--did not seem too heavy a burthen to be borne by so unpretending a production4 ,in this dilemma1 his benevolence1 perhaps a little influenced by the thought that the man who reads his book is his best friend1 came to his aid1 and he at once concluded that it should be generously and freely ,,dedicated ,,to ,,the ,,reader4 ,he is not impelled to this by a design to propitiate the favor1 to influence the judgment1 or to moderate the criticisms of any one1 but simply and solely by the charitable desire of pleasing all4 ,he thus provokes no one's envy by showing more favor to another1 and gives to each the opportunity of having a book dedicated to himself4 ,lest1 however1 the editor should furnish but another illustration of the maxim1 that 8they who seek to please all1 will surely succeed in pleasing none10 it is here carefully set down--that should any not wish the distinction sought to be conferred upon him in this dedication1 he may rest well assured that it was not in the least designed for him4 ,with this happy disposition to accommodate all1 he has only to ask of the reader1 that his book be not consigned1 before ascertaining what it is made of1 to some murky closet1 to keep company with the dusty and decaying volumes already imprisoned there2 and for the faithful observance of this request1 he subscribes himself1 ,most respectfully and sincerely1 ,his ,reader's wellwisher and friend1 ,,the ,,editor4 ,,preface4 ,if it has been established as a precedent that every book should have a dedication1 it has been more imperatively enjoined that none should make its appearance without a preface4 ,these are matters of punctilio which it might appear ill-breeding to neglect1 and constitute the soft and easy civilities through which books find favor in the eyes of their readers4 ,as no one is disposed kindly to welcome the rude boor who intrudes into his presence1 and without a polite nod or pleasant smile at once encounters him with rough speech1 so none is inclined to enter upon the perusal of a volume without first knowing somewhat concerning it4 ,now1 it is only necessary for the editor1 in the discharge of his trifling duty1 to inform the reader that sometime ago the records of an old association came into his possession4 ,the precise date when this junto was formed could not be definitely discovered1 yet it has been certainly ascertained that it was gifted with a very peculiar kind of life--surpassing1 in the tenacity with which it adhered to existence1 the nine lives ascribed to the cat4 ,though it had been defunct1 to all appearances1 more than a dozen times1 it was as often revived to flourish again for a brief period4 ,not many years have elapsed since it received its last blow2 but whether this has given it the final quietus1 being neither a diviner nor prophet1 the editor cannot decide3 yet he is inclined to the opinion1 that if those of the present generation will do nothing to restore it to life again1 their rising posterity will not suffer it to sleep in peace4 ,it was the design of this organization to unite the useful with the amusing1 and each member was required to furnish his quota of the one or the other4 ,the consequence was that a large number of papers were collected together1 some of which are now 8for the first time given to the world40 ,whether the world will do them the honor to value them1 remains to be seen2 yet the editor flatters himself1 that in the deluge of literature which this age is incessantly pouring forth upon the poor reader1 they will float along with the endless array of small craft1 and perhaps his book may prove as successful as some others in contributing its just portion to produce the wreck and ruin of some better and worthier production4 ,the ,magi of ,persia were at one time the depositories of learning4 ,with us the people are the ,magi1 and although their unaccountable tastes and ,quixotic fancies have heretofore elevated into note the effusions of many a fool who experimented upon their discrimination1 and permitted the productions of some very wise men to sink into utter and irredeemable oblivion1 the editor still trusts--if not to their judgment1 then 7which may be safer for him17 to their good-natured indulgence4 ,he is fully aware that his book contains nothing above their comprehensions1 and is not in the least apprehensive that they will condemn the ,,records1 as an old council did the ,petit ,office1 because 8signo0 was spelt with a ,c instead of an ,s3 much less does he fear that his freedom will be endangered for the reason which prompted the same council to arrest the ,prince de la ,mirandola1 because 8so much learning in so young a person could only be acquired by a compact with the devil40 ,,maurice ,,eugene4 ,,philadelphia1 ,march #bf1 #ahee4 ,a ,,manuscript1 ,,prefixed ,,to ,,the ,,following ,,tale1 ,,and ,,supposed ,,to ,,have ,,been ,,written ,,by ,,the ,,secretary ,,of ,,the ,,junto4 ,the author of the following paper vouches for the correctness of the whole story1 having himself received it from the person who enacted the part of the spirit therein4 ,when it was read at our meeting1 a large number of listeners1 who had been enjoying themselves in promiscuous conversation1 were seated around the table in a cheerful circle4 ,although some were at first inclined1 perhaps more from a habit to find fault than from a displeasure at the tale itself1 to cavil at and doubt it rather than to be amused1 there was an honest and bewitching humor in the face of the speaker which alone seemed to entitle his story to full belief3 so that by the time he had finished it1 but one or two continued serious1 whilst all the rest at once agreed that it was creditable in every particular4 ,whether they were not influenced to this conclusion more through their mirth than their careful judgment1 ,i could not well ascertain2 yet ,i am disposed to think1 they merely meant to 8take the story for what it was worth40 ,an old gentleman now advanced1 who had not only been careful all his life long to avoid the frivolities of the world1 but who had also experienced some of its rough realities1 if true inferences were deducible from his care-worn appearance and thread-bare garments4 ,not satisfied with what had been read1 the old man gazed inquiringly into the speaker's face1 and then so overwhelmed the poor fellow with troublesome questions1 that he resolved from that moment never to read or narrate another story1 without previously demanding a solemn pledge from his auditory that they will remain content with what he may choose to give them1 and under no circumstances trouble him for further explanations4 ,whilst thus pelted with the old man's queries to his great relief a smiling little gentleman stepped up1 and turning to the questioner1 told him that every story would be spoiled by too much minuteness in its narration2 that wherever he found a blank he should fill it up with his own fancy1 otherwise he would experience nothing but annoyance2 and that the moral of the tale he had heard1 simply warned him against too strong a love for worldly things1--a warning for which ,i could see no necessity in his case1--so that if he should ever be tempted by spirits or ghosts1 he might avoid the alarming fatalities which so seriously afflicted poor ,hans ,dundermann4 ,s----,y4 ,,hans ,,dundermann3 ,,the ,,dutch ,,miser4 ,one of the most foolish and deplorable passions that could possibly influence the conduct of men1 is that wretched penuriousness so frequently encountered in our intercourse with some of our fellows4 ,we often find it the object of hatred and contempt1 of disgust and ridicule1 and even of a bitter malice which1 if not just1 seldom secures censure or elicits rebuke4 ,we rarely see it exhibited to a very marked degree in men of substantial intelligence or liberal experience in the socialities of life1 and its generous interchanges of friendship4 ,when discovered in such1 it is usually the part of discretion to avoid1 if possible1 a close intimacy with them4 ,the wider range of their knowledge1 and their greater sagacity1 though rendering them less contemptible1 only make them the more dangerous4 ,it not unfrequently1 however1 constitutes the ruling principle of those not possessed of a superior order of intellect1 and whose ideas of life are measured by the narrow aims for which they contend and struggle4 ,this may1 perhaps1 be greatly owing to the fact that wealth consists of material things1 which they can readily see and appreciate2 whilst the riches that pertain to mind and heart1 not being directly visible to them1 are beyond their comprehension4 ,i have a ,german acquaintance who resides in a small village at which ,i occasionally sojourn1 and who is known by the euphonious nomenclature of ,dutch ,hans ,dundermann4 ,whether this be the name he lawfully inherited from his paternal ancestors1 or whether certain peculiarities of which he is remarkably possessed1 and which are by no means well calculated to render him an agreeable companion1 or make him a desirable neighbor1 can claim the credit of having obtained for him so musical an appellation1 the villagers have not yet been able positively to determine4 ,however he may have acquired this title of recognition1 which can be matter of small consequence to the present generation of the villagers1 and much less to their rising posterity1 he is one of those inveterate misers who have no scruples to check their desire for acquisition1 and whose parsimonious propensities invariably incur general ridicule and displeasure4 ,whatever of good may be in their compositions is totally overshadowed by the sordid motives which usually govern them1 and thus they always prove successful in arousing the disgust of all with whom they may come in contact4 ,this miserly element in ,hans ,dundermann's character is so exceedingly prominent that it is supposed to counterbalance and control his entire nature4 ,it is constantly urging him to the commission of acts which his neighbors readily construe into heinous offences1 and it has accordingly earned for him no very enviable reputation4 ,to describe to any one acquainted with him the height of petty and disgusting meanness1 it is only necessary to use his name in the adjective form2 and the attempts to do so are not unfrequently even more ridiculous than the subjects which occasion them4 ,hans1 however1 though he may exert himself to increase his store1 if not absolutely lazy1 is not free from the slowness of his native race2 to which he adds a stupidity so excessively ,dutch1 that scarcely anything beyond the glitter of a coin can make the least impression upon his mind4 ,after thus briefly introducing my acquaintance in as favorable a manner as circumstances permit1 ,i will narrate a little incident in the adventurous portion of his life1 which occurred whilst he was yet in the vigor of manhood physically1 and intellectually no better off than he is now4 ,time1 which never progresses without making some changes1 has utterly failed to renovate or improve him4 ,whilst advancing years have worn upon his bodily powers1 apparently the only thing impressible about him1 experience has had no effect1 either for the better or worse1 upon his mind1 into which no idea1 unless connected with his ruling desire1 seems capable of penetrating4 ,a life so selfish1 and absorbed in the contemplation of one thing1 and that by no means as well intended to expand his intellect as to contract his heart1 can afford but little of adventure2 yet the trifles which we sometimes encounter in such a life1 are so peculiar in their nature1 or so marked in their effects1 that we welcome and enjoy them the more4 ,they often provoke our merriment or elicit our surprise1 excite our admiration or awaken our sympathies4 ,the cold torpor which becomes natural to the inactive man through the eternal sameness of his daily career1 renders him a fitting and interesting object for our gaze when he is drawn into positions demanding the exercise of his energies4 ,whatever may be the effect of the occurrences here related--whether their recital may interest or prove tedious--they certainly constitute the most prominent events in the life of my acquaintance1 the ,dutch miser of the village4 ,a party of young men who had for years been in the habit of congregating twice each week at the southern corner of the village school-house1 to review the gossip of the neighborhood and amuse themselves with boyish sports on the pleasant play-grounds of the scholars2 or1 by way of variety1 occasionally to contrive some idle mischief to disturb the equanimity of the usually quiet and industrious villagers2 at one of these frequent meetings determined to exhibit1 in some extraordinary manner1 ,hans ,dundermann's passion for money4 ,various expedients were accordingly suggested1 and duly discussed and considered1 until they finally resolved upon one supposed to be capable of accomplishing the end in view4 ,after levying a contribution amongst themselves of all the antiquated coin they could obtain1--for they wisely concluded that he could not be aroused from his accustomed stupidity but through the instrumentality of such a token1--the sum was secretly conveyed to him4 ,this was accompanied by a very mysterious letter1 which purported to be the favor of some supernatural power4 ,it spoke of the coin as coming from an almost inexhaustible fund1 and generously concluded by fully recognising him as a judicious person to be entrusted with the care and keeping of so valuable a treasure4 ,as was anticipated1 this had a marvelous effect upon him4 ,he straightways connected it with a standing tale of the village1 which he had heard upon different occasions1 and which had more than once greatly excited his curiosity4 ,it was a well-circulated tradition1 7and what town has not a similar one87 that many years before the village numbered a score of substantial buildings1 vast treasures were undoubtedly hidden in its immediate vicinity4 ,he had frequently heard how a wealthy ,englishman1 at a time the date whereof was never definitely fixed1 had lived near the village in all imaginable splendor1 and how he had died without leaving even so much as a shilling to be found upon his entire premises4 ,this splendid gentleman 7so runs the tradition17 had been the descendant of a prominent ,english nobleman attached to the house of ,lancaster1 who1 when the ,red ,rose drooped under the terror inspired by the triumph of the house of ,york1 had gathered together his estates1 which of course were very large1 and retired from the kingdom4 ,the union of the two ,roses1 which followed the extinction of the ,plantagenets1 and the partiality exhibited by ,henry ,,vii4 towards the ,lancastrians1 never tempted him to return4 ,the last of his descendants1 inheriting all his wealth1 yet depressed by the death of friends and connexions1 eventually emigrated to ,america1 and took up his abode near the village4 ,here he revelled in all the luxuries that riches could supply1 and when nothing was discovered after his decease1 the great surprise of the villagers soon conjured up numerous tales of hidden wealth1 which have ever since been carefully transmitted to each succeeding generation4 ,it was with one of these that ,hans associated the mysterious epistle4 ,after they had thus interested the miser's feelings1 one of the company visited him on the evening of the following day4 ,when brought into the presence of ,hans1 he commenced a train of very vague remarks1 as though he had something important to reveal1 yet seemed doubtful whether it were better to make it known than to treasure the secret4 ,confining himself to the subjects which he knew were ever uppermost in ,hans' thoughts1 he soon succeeded in drawing the miser into a very animated conversation1 which1 however1 was rendered somewhat uneasy by his mysterious demeanor4 ,from some cause or other1 perhaps because he was thinking of the matter at the time1 for he had thought of little else during the entire day1 ,hans immediately surmised that his visitor sustained some connexion with the singular letter he had received4 ,this impression was not only strengthened more and more by every word that fell from the stranger1 but his very dress1 which gave him the appearance of a fashionable gentleman of the preceding century1 seemed to confirm it4 ,when1 however1 his visitor introduced the general carelessness of the world1 a point upon which ,hans had always been well decided1 and to which alone1 he had often said1 was to be attributed all the poverty in it1 he became certain that his surmise was correct1 and watched carefully for something which might reveal the rich mine referred to in that mysterious and treasured billet4 ,when he had been worked into a state of uncontrollable anxiety and excitement1 the stranger1 still preserving his mysterious air1 suddenly rose from his seat1 and rolling his eyes upwards in an agonized manner1 preceded by several terrible yawns1 he rapidly repeated a few very singular words1 not found in ,hans' vocabulary1 if in any other4 ,this had the desired effect1 for it so surprised and stupefied the poor ,dutchman that the stranger1 in the increasing darkness1 readily made his exit unobserved4 ,after the miser had somewhat recovered from the shock occasioned to his nerves and ascertained that his visitor had vanished1 it was clear to him that the stranger could not have disappeared as he had entered1 but must either have sunk through the floor or ascended through the ceiling4 ,recollecting the supplicating manner in which he had turned up his eyes1 ,hans quickly inferred that the latter was the course he had taken1 and under the exciting circumstances of the occasion1 it was not long before the inference became a conviction which has ever since been most sacredly believed and maintained4 ,now1 ,hans ,dundermann1 it should be known1 had frequently held interesting conversations with ,heinrich ,speitzer and ,yorick ,bozum1 two of his most intimate friends in 8vaterland10 and was perfectly satisfied that ghosts and spirits had as real an existence as gold and silver1 though their presence was far less acceptable4 ,he used to listen to the stories of these tried companions1 and tremble from head to foot when he was told how the wicked ,frederick ,metzel1 on a dark and dismal winter's night1 had been claimed in pursuance of a contract1 attested by his own hand and seal1 and carried off by the devil1 amid great lightning and thunder1 to no one knew whither2 for the place of his abode was beyond the power of human discovery4 ,it is true some of his warmest friends1 who had always been his companions1 and enjoyed his favors during his prosperity1 and who had never neglected to sound his praises upon every fitting occasion1 now shook their heads significantly and solemnly whenever his name was mentioned4 ,this may have been intended as nothing but an exhibition of their deep regret for what they had lost1 yet the uncharitable soon interpreted it unfavorably for the future of poor ,frederick1 whilst the more humane and hopeful remained silent1 simply because they knew not what to say4 ,hans still remembered how the spirit of old ,herr ,von ,reicher1 sorely troubled because he had refused to reveal an important secret before his departure from the lower world1 returned to the home six months previously left to mourn his death1 and made known to the daughter of his grand-child1--who had always been his favorite1--the cause that prevented his rest4 ,this was done by directing her to a dark and almost impenetrable recess of his castle1 where great treasures were concealed1 which he had hoarded up and frequently visited during his life4 ,now1 however1 that he had no further occasion for such visits1 his sense of justice1 which had never in the least troubled him whilst living1 would not permit him to deprive his friends1 who had so carefully attended to his dying wants1 of so valuable a secret1 nor his creditors of the only means through which their demands could be satisfied4 ,nor had ,hans ,dundermann forgotten how the son of ,karl ,keiser1 a pleasant companion with whom he had spent many hours rehearsing wonderful tales1 the accuracy of which he never doubted1 had been accosted in the rough woods1 on a dark ,october night1 by a copper-colored man1 out of the crown of whose head issued a constant flame of fire1 and led several leagues from home4 ,what had been the object of this singular and startling apparition--whether it had been an evil spirit and intended the young man as one of its victims1 or whether it had merely meant to disclose some great and troublesome mystery--had to remain undetermined1 for day intervened and summoned the vision to its abiding place4 ,many surmises were occasioned by this strange affair1 vouched for by the person himself whom it most concerned2 but the majority agreed in the opinion that no harm had been intended to the young man1 otherwise the spectre would not have waited until daylight to be deprived of its prey3 others expressed their conviction that it simply designed to relieve itself of some serious trouble1 whilst there was still a third class who pronounced the matter all a foolish tale1 which owed its origin to too much ,rhienish wine and the cold winds of ,october4 ,whilst ,hans was reflecting upon these marvelous stories of his youthful wonder1 and thus endeavoring to assist his mind in determining the character of his late visitor1 he gave evident signs of being engaged in a new employment4 ,although he had heard many strange things in his time1 and often threw up his hands towards the skies1 opened his mouth as wide as nature permitted1 and exclaimed 8mein ,gott60 in surprise1 he certainly had never before been called upon to decide whether any of his visions had been a ghost or a spirit1 a witch or the devil himself4 ,in this troublesome dilemma he resolved to consult his old housekeeper1 whom he had brought with him from ,germany1 and whose greater age and experience1 he hoped1 might be capable of relieving him from his perplexity4 ,this indispensable article of his household seemed to have descended to him with his father's estate1 and presented an appearance even more than ridiculously ,dutch2 but ,hans had been taught to regard her as a pattern of good taste1 and as she had always manifested the strongest devotion to his interests1 he never doubted her superior excellence4 ,to give a faint description of her would be no trifling labor1 for she had apparently been worked together by nature without reference to form or proportion2 and whenever seen1 was invariably covered with a superfluous amount of greasy calico1 which seemed to have no other support but a twisted chord that encircled her extensive waist4 ,her head was remarkable for nothing but a large quantity of light flaxen hair1 to which the sun had failed to give a ruddier tinge1 although1 as since her twentieth year she had scarcely ever worn a covering1 it had shone upon her pate fairly and with full effect for more than thirty summers4 ,increasing age1 though it had robbed her of her teeth1 put wrinkles in her face1 and somewhat loosened her joints1 seemed to be equally powerless to make the least visible impression upon it4 ,the singular conduct of the stranger1 who had been observed but casually by the old woman as he had entered1 was fully considered and commented upon by her and ,hans4 ,though she sympathized with him as much as her nature permitted1 and gave ample evidence of her desire to render him all possible assistance1 she could offer no suggestions which tended in the least to solve the mystery4 ,her many exclamations1 however1 if useless in the explication of a mysterious and difficult problem1 brought some relief2 and thus consoled1 he reluctantly concluded to await the full development of what he believed had just fairly commenced with the letter he had received and the visit of the stranger4 8,whatever this may forebode10 said ,hans1 8it is so very strange that we must wait until the end shall come2 yet ,i hope that my end may not be like that of ,frederick ,metzel4 ,let me be spared the terrors that fell to the lot of ,karl ,keiser's son1 and if the worst should come1 let it be no worse than that which happened to the great-grand-daughter of ,herr ,von ,reicher40 ,these remarkable occurrences1 constituting some of the most startling he had stored up in his memory1 had been so repeatedly told to his housekeeper1 with great embellishments1 that she had become perfectly familiar with them4 ,although ,hans did not much like to have dealings with spirits2 yet1 had he been certain that the mysterious stranger would never afterwards have troubled him1 he would gladly have entertained him once more1 if assured of a revelation similar to that made to the youthful daughter of ,herr ,von ,reicher's grand-child4 8,yes1 yes10 responded the old woman1 whose frame trembled violently at the supposition that calamities so terrible could possibly befall them1 8heaven avert such fatalities6 ,surely1 ,hans1 nothing of this kind can happen to us1 for you have never had any intercourse with the evil one1 nor have you ever been closely allied to any of those poor creatures whose spirits are not even permitted to rest quietly in their graves40 ,as he had thus1 for several days been moved by strange thoughts1 it was observed by those whom he happened to meet that a very singular change had suddenly come over him4 ,his actions seemed to be dictated by a variety of conflicting impulses1 and the little mind he had once possessed was absent more than half the time4 ,he would make long pauses in his conversation1 abruptly change from one topic to another1 and occasionally1 to the great amazement of those with whom he conversed1 he would walk off before he had half completed a sentence4 ,then1 too1 he was frequently seen to stop in his solitary walks and engage in earnest conversation with himself1 a smile sometimes animating his countenance1 whilst at others he appeared very sullen and dejected4 ,on several of these occasions he was overheard to speak audibly of spirits and treasures1 which so greatly surprised all who heard him that some even suggested an investigation into his soundness of mind4 ,to those acquainted with the design to play upon his stupid and credulous nature1 it was daily becoming more apparent that he believed vast quantities of gold were somewhere concealed in the vicinity1 and that he was troubled to know where1 and how he could secure them4 ,at length his changed demeanor became the subject of remark throughout the entire neighborhood4 ,some of the villagers1 in their efforts to account for it1 expressed the belief that his heart was beginning to soften and that he was relenting of his former penuriousness--a reformation which1 in his case1 it was generally conceded would have been sufficient to account for his singular conduct4 ,others1 however1 more strenuously maintained1 that so far from his heart undergoing so favorable a change1 it was simply passing through the last stages of ossification4 ,that the former were mistaken in their charitable surmises1 was soon ascertained by an experiment eminently calculated to arouse his generosity2 but there are those still amongst the latter1 who contend that they were correct in their opinion1 and are determined to obtain positive evidence of the fact1 upon the miser's decease1 through the aid of an anatomist1 who has already been duly engaged for that purpose4 ,when it was supposed that ,hans was exclusively abstracted in the train of reflections suggested to his mind by the circumstances related1 it was deemed expedient for the stranger to venture another visit1 which he accordingly did4 ,it so happened that he obtained admission unobserved into the same room in which he had before met ,hans1 and giving seven distinct raps on the old oaken floor1 he was soon brought into the presence of the miser4 ,after the latter's surprise had partially subsided1 and his face assumed something like its original hue1 the stranger commenced addressing him in a manner equally hasty and incoherent1 but ,hans was all attention as if determined to absorb the import of every word as it was uttered4 ,he by no means comprehended all that was said1 yet he distinctly understood the request of his visitor to meet him that night1 at the hour of twelve1 at the edge of the wood bordering on the western extremity of the village1 where the important secret was to be revealed4 ,the stranger had scarcely finished this request1 when he was seized with a violent cough1 resulting from a stream of munched tobacco which had unforbidden entered down his gullet1 as if offended at being imprisoned within his mouth whilst personating a character whose dignity would not permit him to eject it4 ,giving vent to an almost inaudible curse1 which was unfortunately mistaken for a call for water1 ,hans immediately seized a pitcher1 and hurried out of the room1 informing the old housekeeper1 as he was in the act of passing her in the kitchen1 of the presence of the spirit4 ,upon her reminding him that spirits were never in want of such earthly necessaries1 surprised at his own absence of thought1 he dropped the pitcher and quickly returned2 but the stranger1 no doubt glad of so favorable an opportunity1 had disappeared4 ,hans ,dundermann1 at the earnest entreaty of his old housekeeper1 whom ,i shall here name ,malchen1 not because she was so christened1 but simply out of solicitude for the jaw-bones of those who might attempt to pronounce her ponderous title were it fully given1 retired to his bed at an early hour that evening4 ,it has already been stated that he desired no intimacy with spirits1 and especially with such as disappeared so unexpectedly2 but his endeavors to banish from his mind the request of the stranger were unavailing1 and the tempting promise which accompanied it would not permit him to close his eyes in sleep4 ,impelled by an irresistible anxiety to secure the imagined treasure1 he arose from his bed1 and walked up and down the room in great agitation until within a few minutes of midnight4 ,his love of gold1 however1 at last succeeded in conquering his fears1 so1 seizing a ,german bible1 which had evidently grown antiquated by neglect amid dust and cobwebs1 and cautiously placing it in his capacious pocket1 for he had often heard that whilst he had so good a book about his person no evil spirit could harm him1 he repaired to the appointed spot4 ,here he had for some time been intently peering into the dark wood1 when suddenly he heard a strange noise behind him1 and upon turning he obtained a full view of the stranger1 who had taken the precaution to provide against the prevailing darkness by a lantern1 the red rays of which only gave to everything around a more gloomy appearance4 ,hans involuntarily startled and most heartily wished himself in his bed again1 but it was now too late4 ,gazing supplicatingly into the pale face of the spirit1 for he was fully persuaded that he stood in the presence of a veritable spirit1 he commenced imploringly inquiring about his personal safety and the prospect of securing the treasure4 ,his appeal1 however1 failed to draw a word of consolation or encouragement from his supernatural companion who simply indicated by a sign that silence had to be observed1 and pointing into the uninviting wood signified to him to move on4 ,tremblingly the miser proceeded1 frequently staring wildly around4 ,whether it was all imagination1 or a fancy which had some substance for its basis1 he certainly thought1 upon passing several large trees1 he saw odd figures behind them4 ,however this may have been1 a death-like silence was maintained1 nor did ,hans seem inclined to break it after his first rebuff4 ,at length they arrived at a small old building1 which1 though it was not many miles from his residence1 he had never before seen4 ,all now surrounding him was dark and strange1 and he gazed upon the structure with mingled emotions the like of which he had never before experienced4 ,whilst endeavoring to collect his wandering wits during this momentary halt at the antiquated building1 an unearthly howl was suddenly set up around it1 which so frightened him that he at once attempted to test what virtue there was in his heels4 ,alas6 poor ,hans6 ,his knees knocked together and his frame shook so violently1 he could not move4 ,he was as much a prisoner to his terror as the chained criminal in his cell4 ,it was now that the solicitous advice of his faithful ,malchen came rushing upon his memory1 and he deplored the folly which had caused him to disobey it4 ,his regrets however1 it is believed1 were more owing to the wealth he had left behind him than to his having disregarded her good advice1 for he began to apprehend that he should never see it more4 ,during this interval of his great consternation1 the spirit had remained perfectly calm and composed2 and after the noise had entirely subsided it again exhorted him to silence1 and softly whispered into his ears that the place was surrounded and protected by numerous imps of the devil who had been commissioned to guard the treasure4 ,though many before ,hans' time may have been in equally close contact with some of ,satan's extensive brood and felt no fear1 and although he had spent nearly all his days in executing to their master an indisputable title to himself1 he found no consolation in what the spirit had told him4 ,if he was inclined to render service to ,lucifer he preferred doing so at a more convenient distance from him4 ,without any visible intervention of the spirit1 at least such is the testimony of ,hans ,dundermann1 an opening into the cellar of the building now appeared4 ,here he was bidden to enter1 which he did more through fear than inclination1 attended by his mysterious guide4 ,the red glare reflected by the lantern1 gave the place a very solemn and haunted appearance1 and made the old walls resemble more the neglected ruins of some venerable edifice1 than what they purported to be4 ,they had evidently been built when masonic skill was in its infancy and when huge1 substantial clumsiness was the fashion4 ,he surveyed the cavern1 for such it appeared to him1 with wild respect1 confident that this had once been the retreat of the ,englishman whose memory had so long been perpetuated in the traditions of the village4 ,what was next to befall him1 now that he was entirely at the mercy and in the power of the spirit1 he could not divine4 ,he was carefully watching its movements as it walked around the cellar1 cautiously treading the damp ground1 until it came to a stand1 and beckoned him to approach4 ,here1 then1 he ascertained1 was hidden the treasure which had so much engrossed his attention1 and caused him so many perplexing thoughts4 ,his fears now yielded to the first flushes occasioned by the almost certain assurance of securing the hoarded gold4 ,thus animated by the promising prospect before him2 his recent regrets were entirely forgotten1 and he felt pleased and proud that he had left his bed for so bold and profitable an adventure4 ,his anxious anticipations1 however1 were not to be so easily gratified as he had at first imagined4 ,the wealth he coveted was still a considerable distance under ground1 but this1 to him1 appeared but a trifling obstacle4 ,he had often handled the pick and spade for a paltry price per diem2 and now1 that a great reward was to be the issue1 he could use them to advantage4 ,the requisite utensils were soon supplied by the spirit1 and ,hans squandered no time in commencing vigorous operations4 ,though a veritable ,dutchman1 he entirely lost the ,dutchman's slowness upon this memorable occasion4 ,he relied more upon energetic effort for success than upon tedious perseverance and plodding patience1 and the soft earth was made to fly in every direction4 ,the excitement of the employment soon brought back his usual complexion1 and gave his plump face a greasy and shining appearance2 when off went hat and coat1 and every other article of apparel which generally encumbers a ,dutchman whilst at labor4 ,he was now too intently engaged to pay any attention to the spirit1 which made its exit from the cellar unnoticed and unheeded4 ,for some time all continued quiet1 not a sound being heard beyond the noise occasioned by himself4 ,he was making rapid progress and congratulating himself upon soon reaching the expected bounty1 when his pleasant reflections were suddenly disturbed by another terrible and unearthly howl1 much resembling that which had before so greatly excited his fears4 ,in its hollow re-echoes through the cellar it was rendered even more terrific4 ,the spade dropped from his hand1 and turning round in his bewilderment1 he now first discovered that the spirit had abandoned him4 ,although he had previously most heartily desired it to leave him and permit him to find his way home again1 he now regarded its disappearance as ominous of ill4 ,alone1 with nothing but a credulous and excited imagination for his guide1 he was made the victim of a thousand unpleasant impulses1 and realized all the dread horrors of unrestrained fear4 ,his face became deathly pale and big drops of cold perspiration stood upon it1 whilst his hair rose on end and his eyes dilated and literally sparkled4 ,for a time1 as he stood the impersonation of terror1 he was unable to comprehend his position1 but with returning reason he applied himself to diligent search for the opening through which he had entered4 ,every nook and corner was quickly examined1 but no means of escape were discoverable4 ,although that awful howl subsided almost simultaneously with his dropping of the spade1 he could not approach the spot where he had been digging for the treasure without hearing it again4 ,had not the spirit told him that the place was guarded by the imps of the devil1 and how could he be expected to withstand them8 ,had not ,frederick ,metzel been carried off1 notwithstanding his resistance1 and never heard of more8 ,oh1 ,malchen1 this for neglecting your anxious and wholesome advice6 ,all these reflections1 and ten thousand others no more comforting in their nature1 passed rapidly through his mind4 ,the thoughts of a life-time were now crowded into a few of his minutes1 and a volume could not give a faithful transcript of the many marvelous stories that spontaneously rushed through his brain4 ,when the devil seemed determined to prevent ,luther from prosecuting his work1 the ,reformer seized an ink-stand and hurled it at his head4 ,though the missile had little effect upon the object at which it was aimed1 being simply dashed to pieces against the wall1 upon which the black marks are said still to remain1 the tormentor nevertheless vanished4 ,hans could not deal thus summarily with the great adversary1 who happened to have no small claim upon his miserly soul1 ready for settlement at any moment4 ,debtors1 and especially those indebted to ,satan1 are obliged to be more courteous4 ,he was therefore compelled to yield to an influence which his more devotional countryman had only overcome with great difficulty4 ,all ideas of obtaining the treasure were accordingly abandoned1 and imprisoned as he was1 his first great care was to effect his release4 ,how this was to be accomplished he knew not1 as he more slowly and carefully re-examined the old walls1 with lantern in hand1 escaping only the place where he had so faithfully dug for the hidden wealth4 ,that he could not think of approaching1 for he now distinctly and unmistakeably saw a half grown imp seated upon the fresh earth he had thrown up1 who was eyeing him in no very complacent manner4 ,hans has since described him as the very image of a picture in one of his ,german books1 which he had often contemplated with feelings of melancholy dread1 and which had equally often puzzled his brain by the thoughts invariably suggested to his mind whenever he beheld it4 ,he never could divine the real policy of tolerating the existence of such hideous monsters2 and1 perhaps more influenced by personal considerations than feelings of charity for mankind in general1 he had frequently most heartily wished their utter extermination and the total annihilation of their constantly increasing kingdom4 ,the puny devil before ,hans' eyes was undoubtedly a legitimate offshoot of the parent stock4 ,he had a large two-pronged fork in his right hand1 and in his left he held one end of a strong chain1 whilst the other was fastened to his body1 so that its great bulk had to trail upon the ground4 ,his long tail1 pointed like an arrow1 and erected several feet above his head1 appeared even more formidable than the fork4 ,his posture much resembled that of an old man1 seated upon a low stool1 his stiff legs drawn up towards his body4 ,he was almost entirely covered with rough1 brown hair1 and the bristles upon his head pointed in every direction4 ,there was a fiery glitter in his eyes1 and the expression of his countenance1 according to ,hans' description1 could be handsomely counterfeited by compounding together the faces of a grinning monkey and a fat ,dutchman4 ,at last1 fortunately1 ,hans ,dundermann thought he discovered a prospect of delivery from his torments4 ,not possessing the magic power of the spiritual guide that had led him into this horrible prison1 the walls could not be expected to part at his simple bidding1 and he therefore wisely determined to test the virtue of more natural means4 ,seizing the spade1 he made a number of vigorous thrusts against the substantial masonry1 which1 though it resisted his efforts for a considerable time1 was eventually compelled to yield him a passage1 through which he could escape4 ,thanks6 he was now once more in the open air and breathed again6 ,the devils set up another howl1 as if in exultation1 and several seemed to be slyly approaching him2 but ,hans1 relying upon his nether limbs1 which appeared to have derived strength for the occasion1 hurried off with remarkable rapidity4 ,not content1 however1 with having prevented him from obtaining the treasure1 the whole pack of imps now followed close upon his heels1 crying his name at the top of their voices1 but this only increased his speed the more4 ,no obstacle seemed a hindrance to him4 ,dark as it was1 he scaled the rocks1 and stones1 and stumps1 in his leaps1 as on he flew1 leaving those in pursuit far behind4 ,there was no manifestation of the tardy ,dutchman in that chase1 as he pursued his course for miles1 not knowing whither it led and feeling little inclination to pause and consider4 ,when1 at last1 he came to a stand1 lo6 the veritable spirit which had enticed him into the wood stood at his side and was calmly gazing upon him4 ,hans shut his eyes1 but it was still there4 ,drawing in his breath1 he bolted in another direction with a speed that outdistanced even this supernatural vision1 but led him far from his home4 ,hatless and coatless1 he eventually seated himself upon the earth1 determined to await the approach of day4 ,though he knew not in what locality he was1 nor how1 lost in the wood1 he should find the village again1 he was yet consoled by the reflection that he was free from the clutches of satan and his imps4 ,the terrors of ,karl ,keiser's son had been nothing in comparison to those he had endured4 ,when morning dawned1--and never had ,hans ,dundermann more welcomed the approach of day1--he betook himself to the difficult task of searching for his home4 ,his venerable housekeeper had been thrown into great consternation upon discovering his absence4 ,not knowing whither he had gone1 or what had become of him1 her fears at once made her conclude that he had shared the sad fate of ,frederick ,metzel1 and been carried off by the spirit during the night1 as a terrible punishment for having neglected to meet it as he had been requested4 ,she now reproached herself for having obtruded her advice upon him1 but to make amends1 she told the matter to her neighbors1 and search was immediately commenced for the lost4 ,he was not discovered until the succeeding day1 and when brought to his residence to the great delight of ,malchen1 gave a narration of his adventures which alike astonished the credulous and amused the doubting4 ,those who heard it at once determined to investigate the matter1 and1 if possible1 obtain the treasure and make a general distribution of it amongst themselves4 ,hans now had the entire neighborhood at his heels1 many fully believing his entire tale and looking anxiously for a portion of the spoils2 others following from sheer impulse1 not knowing what to think or say2 whilst others still were led on by curiosity to see the end of what they simply believed to be a foolish vagary of a distempered brain4 ,he was but a sorry guide1 however1 and after vainly searching for the old building to which he had been led by the spirit1 he gave it as his settled conviction that the imps must have removed it1 leaving no trace behind that it had once existed1 lest they might experience too much difficulty in preserving the wealth it contained4 ,the conclusion was a wise one1 and if it taught nothing more1 it at least illustrated the remark of a learned ,genoese1 that 8miser's worship no ,god but money1 and will deny even the very faith they profess rather than fail in schemes to augment their treasures40 ,however faithful servants of satan they may be1 he knows that they would betray even him to gratify their desire1 and understands them too well not to place his possessions beyond their wily clutches1 in which he is certainly more judicious than many mortals4 ,t4 ,d4 ,,remarks ,the succeeding essay was read before the ,association1 and appears1 from the following prefatory remarks1 to have been the production of one of its committees4--,,editor4 8,your committee1 simply from the want of a new theme1 have been compelled1 even at the hazard of proving tedious1 to confine themselves to an old one4 ,the many extravagancies daily exhibited by those around us might perhaps afford more matter for ridicule than admonition1 but few are willing that their follies should be made the means of amusing others1 whilst none will object to a little kind advice1 though he be determined not to heed it4 ,we therefore concluded that the latter mode of treating our subject1 if the most stupid1 would still possess the merit of being the least annoying4 ,then1 too1 stupidity having become a common quality1 in which each is privileged to deal1 a sacred right not to be denied without closing the mouths of more than nine-tenths of the world1 our dullness can be no trespass and consequently needs no apology40 ,,an ,,essay4 ,,the ,,wisdom ,,of ,,preserving ,,moderation ,,in ,,our ,,wishes4 8,life runs best on little3 nature's store ,can make all happy that will use their power40 ,,in the extended range of our wishes and their diversified character1 the reflective man will recognise one of the greatest sources of human misery4 ,the many desires which impel us affect alike the mind and heart1 frequently disturbing the healthy repose of the one1 and rendering the other cold and selfish4 ,the illusory nature of life and its schemes1 and the changing influences which ever surround us1 seldom permit us to attain the most moderate aspirations of our youth4 ,through the lively impetus constantly given to the imagination during that period of life1 we are prone to devise certain plans and arrange magnificent schemes to accomplish our desires2 yet the weight of years steals upon us gradually1 until we look upon the past but as a long chain of circumstances1 and our present life and condition as its result4 ,one by one our determinations1 however long and fervently cherished1 pass away unrealized2 whilst our sanguine wishes1 with their ardor perhaps somewhat abated through the influence of experience and the cool meditations of riper age1 still remain ungratified4 ,he who had contrived and contemplated schemes to amass wealth1 and then retire to repose amid the comforts and luxuries of the world1 may linger out a life of toil and poverty in some humble hamlet2 he who had longed to ascend the steeps of science and gather in abundance its noble treasures1 may feel the admonishing wrinkles upon his brow even before he has made one permanent acquisition2 and he who had encouraged dreams of ambition1 and courted the uncertain plaudits of fame1 may die at last forgotten and unknown4 ,moderation in our wishes is as rarely witnessed as their realization4 ,it was an argument with the ,cynics that absence of all want was the natural condition of the ,gods1 and therefore he who stood in need of but few things most resembled them4 ,the remark ascribed to ,taxilles is admirable and philosophic1 8,what occasion is there1 ,alexander1 that you and ,i must needs quarrel and fight2 since you neither came to rob us of our water nor of our food1 which are the only two things that men in their wits think worth contending for80 ,the idea of the ,cynics is rarely exemplified in human life1 and the moderate desires expressed by ,taxilles equally seldom infuse into men the modest wishes they suggest to our minds4 ,st4 ,cyprian1 and others before and after him1 distributed their possessions amongst their fellows1 reducing themselves to poverty4 ,if all cannot admire the wisdom of their action1 certainly none can find anything in their motives to condemn4 ,they who have thus mastered their selfishness and avarice1 two vices sufficiently powerful to destroy many of the nobler virtues1 have obtained a command over themselves more desirable than wealth or distinction4 ,they have conquered impulses whose end not unfrequently is agony of mind and destruction to all the sensibilities of the soul2 they have subjected their wishes and tamed their desires to encounter the vicissitudes of life with philosophic calmness4 ,the present pleasure may pass away into oblivion1 or it may leave a permanent sting behind2 and yet it is for this that extravagant wishes leap into being and expand to the limit of possibility1 or to the extent of our comprehension4 ,the diviner philosophy which teaches us the vanity of our desires1 and the vexation of spirit attending even their full gratification1 is neglected until forced upon us by the irresistible teachings of experience4 ,the most excellent lessons of virtue are treated with indifference to further imposing schemes for riches1 for fame1 or for power2 yet the one is not attended by peace of mind1 the other brings no quiet comfort to the soul1 and the third fails to realize happiness and contentment4 ,the flatteries of friends and sycophants which follow you in each1 only fill your face with frowns and your heart with loathing and disgust4 ,the wealth of ,crassus1 the ,rich1 brought him neither contentment nor protection2 the distinction of ,pompey could not brook the rising glory of his great rival1 and but provoked his malice and his envy2 the power of ,csar only increased his ambition1 which continued to prey upon his soul and in his longings for the crown it became his own avenger2 and the flatterers of ,canute but made him feel his insignificance and aroused his contempt4 ,the wish for distinction and renown1 however1 may not only be blameless in itself1 but when restrained within proper bounds1 highly honorable4 ,there is a medium between ambition and a total neglect of reputation as hard distinctly to define as it is difficult to practice4 ,few have known how to follow it1 and many whose wishes were at first confined to the rule of a town1 afterwards aspired to empire4 ,history even refuses to agree with ,cicero in according to ,csar the credit of having1 at the beginning of his career1 devised and pursued a definite plan to subvert the ,roman ,commonwealth and elevate himself to the tyranny4 ,none would add to the infamy of ,marius or ,sylla by supposing that the first aspirations of either were for absolute power4 ,when it is remembered how difficult it is to be restrained within this medium1 it will not appear strange that so many should have overstepped it1 often to the great injury of themselves and more frequently still to the great affliction of the people4 ,if our wishes be prompted by motives to promote the public good1 they may justly acquire the title of patriotism2 and when1 in addition1 they are so wholly under our control as to enable us to assume the command to-day and renounce it to-morrow should the interests of the country require it1 we are eminently qualified for every sphere or position in the ,republic4 ,frederick1 the ,elector of ,saxony1 refused the crown under the impression that an ,emperor more powerful than himself was needed to preserve ,germany2 and the humble ,cincinnatus found more repose and pleasure in the cultivation of his little fields than in the exercise of power or the trappings of wealth4 ,unlike the treacherous decemviri1 when the duties of his high positions had been performed1 he meekly resigned them again to seek the approving smiles of his ,attillia and the content of his humble home4 ,these are examples with which history does not abound1 and whatever credit we may accord to their deeds of worth and valor1 we yet see more to admire in their generous humility and the noble command they constantly reserved over themselves4 ,it is a small matter to wish for virtue1 yet a more worthy desire never entered the mind of man4 ,virtue is the highest of all treasures1 and however rarely it may be seen1 is neither beyond the reach of any nor above his comprehension4 ,the high and low1 the prince and the peasant1 are alike possessed with the power of attaining it4 ,all the greater excellencies of nature are free and within universal reach4 ,it is the remark of an old philosopher1 that 8many people1 without having their reason improved by study1 live nevertheless in a manner conformable to the dictates of right reason20 and ,montaigne observes that the life of the peasant is frequently more agreeable to philosophy than that of the philosopher himself4 ,this wish is none the less ennobling because its answer is within universal reach4 ,it is even more rarely realized than desires for wealth or power1 and is infinitely preferable to either when attained4 ,there is nothing in nature more useful1 for what evils does it not avert8 ,it renders us impregnable to the stealthy encroachments of vice2 relieves us of all selfishness1 guile1 and hypocrisy2 robs us of all malice1 deceit1 and treachery2 frees us from the gnawings of envy1 the miseries of hate1 and the slavery of passion2 delivers us from the bondage of avarice1 ambition1 and the remorse which so frequently attends them2 and fits us not only to think of but to do 8whatsoever things are true1 whatsoever things are honest1 whatsoever things are just1 whatsoever things are pure1 whatsoever things are lovely1 whatsoever things are of good report40 ,it is no less permanent than it is useful4 ,we scarcely know which most to admire1 the cool indifference of ,phalereus1 or the tribute which he pays to the durable nature of virtue1 in his reply1 when told that the ,athenian people had thrown down and destroyed his statues3 8,well1 but they cannot overturn that virtue for the sake of which they were erected40 ,it is a noble companion for every sphere of life1 teaching us how to wear1 with just humility1 the honors we may acquire1 and how to submit1 with becoming dignity1 to the reverses of fortune1 the treachery of friends1 and the persecution of enemies4 ,under its guidance1 the world is seen in its true character1 and our duties towards it discharged with forbearance and charity4 ,without it1 none can be truly great nor truly happy4 ,with it1 all may obtain a just share of human happiness and contentment1 and each secure for himself the noble tribute which history has paid to ,epaminondas1 a higher eulogy than ever yet was acquired through the realization of the grandest schemes for wealth or glory3 8,,he ,,was ,a ,,man ,,adorned ,,with ,,every ,,virtue1 ,,and ,,stained ,,by ,,no ,,vice40 ,,explanatory4 8,good men live twice3 it doubleth every hour ,to look with joy on that which passed before40 ,the author of the following paper1 having himself witnessed and heard what he has attempted to detail1 merely designed to attract attention to a rich resource of pleasure inherent in every good man4 ,to him who has carefully kept himself free from dishonor1 and whose life has never been marred by the stains of vice1 there is nothing so happily adapted to beguile the hours of solitude as reflections upon the past4 ,seneca calls the 8unmoved tranquility of a happy mind1 a great reward40 ,he who has so lived as to obtain it1 whatever his present condition1 may always find in his own thoughts the purest enjoyment1 perhaps realizing in this healthful exercise of the resources within him1 that there is much more of reality than fancy in what ,iamblicus has said3 8,we must take this as a certain truth1 that nothing properly evil shall happen to a good man1 either in this life1 or after it40 ,m4 ,s----,g4 ,,the ,,sick ,,mother4 ,i have never sat by the sick-bed of a mother without finding gradually stealing over me a deeply melancholy and impressive feeling4 ,nature has so constituted the human mind as to render it susceptible of an infinite variety of emotions1 and made it so expansive in its grasp as to enable it to contemplate everything within the boundless universe4 ,however finite it may be1 there is nothing of which it cannot think2 and although there are many things which it fails to understand1 they all inspire some feeling or awaken some emotion within the invisible recesses of our nature4 ,the many truths of which we know1 and the countless beauties mirrored before our eyes by the imagination dwelling upon uncertainties and doubtful probabilities1 often give rise to a variety of sensations so powerful as to hold us spell-bound4 ,the deep springs of the heart1 frequently hidden to our comprehension1 are ever flowing for our enjoyment4 ,of this ,i was recently reminded1 in a very impressive manner1 by being ushered into the presence of a mother1 who had1 for three successive years1 been confined to a sick-bed4 ,the information of her sore affliction suggested a train of thought1 and prompted a number of reflections1 the recollection of which will forever abide fresh in my memory4 ,she was yet young1 and notwithstanding her many trials1 exhibited a vigor of mind and a freshness of heart seldom discovered in the most healthy and buoyant4 ,the knowledge of her prostration for years1 in the prime of her life1 and when possessed of all the impulsive desires and sanguine expectations common to those of her age1 saddened me to sickness as ,i first entered her apartment2 but upon discovering her genuine animation1 her beauty of heart and sprightliness of mind1 my feelings alternately changed from sadness to surprise1 from surprise to veneration4 ,how many pleasures1 thought ,i1 had ,i enjoyed during the past three years6 ,how had ,i1 watching the changing seasons1 relished the many delightful things each of them had brought forth6 ,in the mellow sunlight of the morning1 ,i had drank in the beauties of the earth2 and in the sweet twilight of the evening1 ,i had reaped the richest bounties it afforded4 ,i had daily sported with my friends1 many of whom had never felt a wish unanswered1 yet still remained unsatisfied2 ,i had played alike with the young and old with an intensity of interest that touched every chord of the heart2 and ,i had felt the ecstacy of a variety of joys1 whilst the vigor of uninterrupted health but spread out before me all that heart could wish1 or soul desire4 ,there were our glorious winter parties1 where kindness1 friendship1 and love1 ministered to our wishes2 gleeful rides over the silvery snow1 cozily muffled in furs1 and almost buried in robes1 our exuberant hilarity rising high above the jingling music of the bells2 summer meetings beneath the shady branches of the willow1 in the downy meadow2 and moonlight strolls with cherished companions all around us1 and loved ones leaning tenderly on our arms4 ,we had our social enjoyments in all their diversified characters2 our many exhibitions of the noblest intellect fraught with the golden treasures of study2 our seasonable round of vivifying concerts by the highest talent in the wide world2 our splendid and attractive operas1 with all the more and less refined amusements which the age required to make up the sum total of this never satisfied and insatiable human life4 ,whether in door or out1 we found all that could be desired to make existence pleasing1 and attach us the more firmly to it2 yet here was one who had none1 or few of these things4 ,chained down within the narrow compass of her bed1 her ill destiny had denied to her the pleasures of the world without4 ,how could she endure it8 ,would not her heart wither for want of food1 and her mind perish for lack of stimulants8 ,nothing in the least approaching to this was perceptible4 ,she ever seemed the happy spirit that could rise above the afflictions of fate1 and over which no misfortune could cast a cloud of despair4 ,in conversation1 she spoke of the world with a knowledge and a heart that would have persuaded you she constantly moved with the busiest portion of it4 ,she was fully aware of the condition and employments of her friends1 enjoying their sports and amusements as much1 apparently1 as though she was participating in them2 and often1 with her own delicate hands1 she had prepared some trifling and expressive thing1 which told how much she wished their happiness4 ,there was no complaint in her1 nor could you force repining regrets upon her4 ,her answers to your queries were always the same in sweetness and resignation1 and such as might almost have led you to think she preferred her condition to one of health1 and its attendant pleasures4 ,it is true1 she did not conceal that1 at first1 her situation seemed indeed terrible to herself1 yet principally from one cause1 which never ceased more or less to trouble her4 ,she had a young and devoted husband1 and she regretted more for his sake than her own1 her incapacity to mingle in the social spheres of life1 and thus afford him enjoyments which were denied him in her condition4 ,her selfishness1 if she ever had any1 was changed from herself and directed towards him1 upon whom she would have conferred every merit or good quality she possessed1 had she had the power1 and many more1 if possible1 and regarded the task the most delightful she had ever performed4 ,his very desires and aims of life had become her's1 and ,i believe she would have suffered any personal inconvenience or sacrifice to have gratified him in them all2 his troubles and vexations1 by some strange and inexplicable influence of sympathy1 she had invariably succeeded in removing from his mind1 and placing in their stead a new and more exalted vigor3 in truth1 he had never felt a regret1 a pang1 a trial1 however trifling1 in which she had not participated1 and which1 by some mysterious balm distilled by her own sympathetic heart1 she had not contributed to remove or obliterate4 ,if1 however1 she shared so much in his sorrows1 she partook none the less of his joys4 ,his happiness was her own2 his successes and his triumphs were her's2 and the just rewards of his ceaseless labors1 deservedly elevating him in public esteem1 were even more gratifying to her than to himself4 ,in his honorable elevation1 she beheld her personal advancement1 and in the brightness of his reputation1 she felt additions to her own4 ,when his aspirations had been realized1 she had experienced a gratification superior to his1 and when he had attained a point through assiduous effort1 the acquisition afforded mutual pleasure4 ,thus entering into his very existence1 she deplored her affliction more from a desire to promote his happiness than from any wish or anxiety for personal gratification and enjoyment4 ,the apartment occupied by her was neatly fitted up and arranged with a view of making her situation as comfortable as possible1 and evidences were not wanting of the generous sympathies of her friends4 ,whatever was supposed capable of affording her a moment's cheerful amusement1 or of lessening the tedium of her constant confinement1 was supplied2 and the innumerable attentions bestowed upon her bore ample testimony of the esteem in which she was held4 ,her acquaintances seemed really to be vieing with each other who could do most to attest the good wishes entertained in her behalf1 and the many expedients invented to gratify her1 well exhibited the magnanimous ingenuity and skill of their authors4 ,how highly did she appreciate this kindness1 and how enthusiastically did she speak of it6 ,to hear her1 was to forget her afflictions1 and partake of her grateful and joyous feelings4 ,she had often exclaimed1 in the fullness of her heart1 that she could wish for no more2 and indeed1 turn where you would1 you could see nothing but tokens of sympathy and love1 which the stricken soul alone can fully know how to cherish4 ,then1 too1 she had a little bright-eyed1 prattling boy1 the best and happiest in the world1 she would say4 ,with him she would play for hours together1 and pet him with tender caresses1 attesting the power of her motherly affections1 and evincing how much she treasured him4 ,in his gleeful gambols1 she would watch him with ineffable fondness1 and his infantile freaks elicited emotions which she would not have bartered for the world4 ,next to her husband1 her boy was her greatest earthly idol1 and a stay which1 though tender1 made life1 however afflicted1 a boon that filled her heart with gratitude4 ,whilst seated in her apartment1 in conversation with her1 her husband1 with whom ,i had spent many of my youthful days1 and once taken a long excursion through several provinces1 entered1 without observing me1 and1 walking to the bedside of his wife1 he tenderly embraced her1 and then sat silently down before her4 ,i fancied ,i saw a tear glistening in his eye1 and ,i never was more moved to pity4 ,how much ,i had been mistaken1 and how misdirected had been my compassion1 ,i was pleased to ascertain soon after4 ,as ,i was upon the point of addressing him1 she cast a look upon him so sweetly soft and gentle1 that1 once seen1 it could never be forgotten1 and smilingly said1 8,come1 ,charles1 be more cheerful and communicative4 ,let me know what has been astir within the past few hours since your return4 ,you certainly do not appear to be displeased1 and yet you are not disposed to be talkative40 8,nothing has in the least ruffled my temper1 ,i assure you4 ,i am as well contented with myself and the world now as ever1 and would not so belie the home of my friend as to cause a supposition that my visit to him had rendered me dull and gloomy40 8,what1 then1 makes you so silent8 ,i have noticed your quiet moments1 at times1 heretofore1 without being able to divine their cause1 and you have never been pleased to make it known40 8,that was because ,i thought your own heart knew it1 and felt it3 but as ,i am in the mood1 ,i shall endeavor to tell you4 ,you are well aware that there are periods when the heart speaks more in silence than the tongue could possibly express--when a momentary pause reveals more than the talk of a day could unfold4 ,i know you have sometimes found your feelings too powerful for utterance1 and in silent thought permitted them partially to subside before you ventured to speak and break the spell that enchained you4 ,nature has so constituted those capable of genuine love1 that1 whilst feeling the influence of so sacred an affection1 their ecstacy should not be disturbed even by the pleasures of conversation4 ,the strength of this passion1 at times1 overpowers every other impulse2 and though it may then enforce silence1 it only does so to enable us to enjoy the more the rich treasures of our own hearts4 ,depend upon it1 such moments wear the touches of angels1 and furnish us with the sublimest idea of the enjoyments of heaven that can be realized in the present life4 ,their recurrence cannot come too often1 nor can they be retained too long1 when present1 for they are our choicest blessings40 ,if ever1 thought ,i1 a wife had been answered to her heart's full satisfaction1 this sick and helpless one was in the present instance4 ,it was now her turn to become silent1 and changing her position1 ,i obtained a full view of her animated countenance1 from which ,i inferred that the words of her husband had penetrated into her soul to be secretly treasured there4 ,my position had already become too embarrassing to allow me to remain silent any longer2 so1 rising from my seat1 ,i advanced towards him1 and was about offering an apology1 but he overwhelmed me with joyful greetings4 ,upon his pressing invitation1 ,i was prevailed upon to remain with him and his family until the succeeding day1 and thus ,i was favored with ample opportunities to witness the disposition of the sick mother1 and enjoy her conversations4 ,for this1 though ,i never much liked a sick room1 ,i afterwards became thankful2 for ,i felt that ,i had1 in rehearsing the many exploits ,i had had with her husband1 opened new sources for her enjoyment1 whilst ,i likewise learnt a lesson of the human heart which ,i can never fail to hold in remembrance4 ,upon one occasion1 in entering her apartment1 ,i found her affectionately playing with her boy1 and remarked upon the pleasure she must experience in the possession of so fine a plaything4 8,indeed1 sir10 said she1 8,i have my amusement with him4 ,day after day ,i thus while away many an hour1 which might otherwise be rendered dull and tedious1 so pleasantly that ,i scarcely note its passage40 8,without him10 remarked ,i1 desirous of ascertaining how so long a period of confinement could be endured1 8time would1 no doubt1 hang heavily upon you1 and your sources of comfort and pleasure be much diminished80 8,since ,i have become accustomed to the many gratifications he has brought me1 ,i can scarcely endure his absence for a single day4 ,though he is not my only source of comfort and amusement1 to lose him would be a most terrible affliction40 8,how10 continued ,i1 putting the question direct1 8could you tolerate this long confinement1 and yet retain your youthful glee8 ,i should long since have perished from utter despondency40 8,it was not so easily done10 was her answer1 whilst a pleasant smile lighted up her countenance1 8yet ,i made every effort to maintain my spirits1 and with the kind assistance of all around me1 ,i happily succeeded40 ,after speaking of the many kindnesses of her friends1 and the constant devotion of her husband1 in so animating a manner that ,i could not help fully sharing in her feelings1 she continued3 8,if ,i cannot move with the busy world1 ,i constantly hear of it1 and often think of it4 ,to appreciate and feel its pleasures1 it is not always necessary that we should actively participate in them4 ,the heart and mind are the seats of true enjoyment1 and the occurrences and events of busy life can only be pleasing as they harmonize with the one or the other1 whatever may be your condition4 ,there is no joy1 unless you reach them by the right direction1 and no pain1 unless you approach them wrongly4 ,the measure of happiness depends more upon the manner in which they are made to move1 than upon external causes4 ,they are likewise mighty sources of comfort and amusement within themselves4 ,i had lived happily for a number of years1 partaking of all the enjoyments my tastes suggested1 or opportunity presented2 and since confined in this room1 ,i have again and again lived over my former life4 ,every incident has been reviewed1 even from my infancy to the present hour4 ,this retrospective life1 if ,i may so denominate it1 is very singular1 and withal1 very pleasing4 ,the pure pleasure of a good action is often little experienced whilst you are performing it1 but felt most keenly after it has been done4 ,at times an occurrence makes you tremble with affright whilst beholding it1 and when your momentary terror has subsided1 its ridiculous nature convulses you with laughter4 ,i have known men to fret1 and scold1 and swear1 for entire days at the inconveniences that beset them1 and when safely over their difficulties1 sit down and detail them again and again with the most heartfelt merriment4 ,i remember having once encountered a traveller1 who was so provoked at the miserable condition of the road1 and the cold winter weather1 as very audibly to wish the company in a much warmer locality more than fifty times during the slow journey2 yet1 a few days after1 ,i met him comfortably seated before a cheerful fire with a friend1 whilst tears of unrestrained laughter rolled down his cheeks1 as he rehearsed this part of his rough experience4 ,such are the effects of a combination of the past and the present upon the mind1 and so is it with this retrospective life4 ,that which caused pleasure once1 or made you joyful and merry1 will always renew the like emotions whenever you think of it2 that which truly enlisted the feelings of the heart at one time1 will never fail to do so again whenever you ponder upon it2 that which in any way seriously affected you once1 will continue to do so as often as it may be brought to your remembrance2 and the recollection even of many of those things which you would fain have averted or avoided1 may prove objects of gratification4 ,think of this1 if you please1 and by directing your attention more studiously and carefully upon the past1 experiment for yourself1 and you will find that the soul's impressions are not perishable4 ,examine the hours gone by1 and you will discover for your future old age beauties which your present youth cannot fully comprehend or justly appreciate1 and sources of enjoyment scarcely known to you now4 ,nature has so ordained1 and most charitably and wisely1 that each day passed in active1 vigorous youth1 should provide for the quiet amusements of age--that the pleasures of one period of life should happily be productive of delights for the other1 instead of being felt but for the moment and then forgotten forever40 8,no doubt1 madam10 remarked ,i1 8you are very correct in what you have said2 but to be compelled by necessity1 at an age like yours1 just properly adapted for active participation in the affairs and pleasures of life1 to resort to such means of enjoyment1 can scarcely be supposed to place you in so happy a condition as that which you have assigned to old age40 8,you may1 perhaps10 continued she1 8be partly right1 but you are much more wrong4 ,short1 comparatively1 as has been my life1 it has furnished material enough for an age of thought1 and by using it ,i have again and again felt the pleasures of the soul4 ,then1 too1 this was not a dream life1 the idle vapors of which could be dispelled by a sudden transition to reality1 for there was nothing in it that had not1 at one time1 been really seen and felt4 ,it was rather a life of quiet and happy reflection4 ,it is not a dream nor delusion to wander back1 by the marvellous power of thought1 and take your accustomed place once more at the social board of a loved and peaceful home1 and have again renewed within you the feelings of youth4 ,it so resembles the substantial truth that we can scarcely discern a difference1 and revives sympathies so pleasing that we involuntarily desire their constant presence4 ,the spirit ever retains its hold upon the past1 and the delightful hours of childhood1 when we drank in the many joys of our young and unruffled life1 come back again to awaken the same emotions that animated us then4 ,the affections once more leap into young and untainted existence1 and we feel as guilelessly happy and buoyant as in youth4 ,no occurrence fails to re-enlist our attention1 but each trifling incident contributes its just portion to our pleasure4 ,how much we doat upon these things1 and how fondly we cherish them6 ,there10 directing my attention to a neat little article1 8lies a trifling relic of one with whom ,i had spent many of my days in girlish companionship4 ,she no more walks the earth1 for she sank quietly and peacefully into the grave1 just as she was budding into beautiful womanhood4 ,she had done the work appointed unto her1 and ,death gathered her to himself2 but1 though she is buried1 ,i never gaze upon that small trinket without calling up again her sweet image from its solemn resting place to experience once more1 perhaps more vigorously than ever1 the many pleasures we had enjoyed together4 ,here10 lifting up her hand1 8is a token of friendship which ,i need but gaze upon to revive a variety of remembrances so pleasing that ,i would not exchange them for the most valuable treasure4 ,how well do ,i remember the day1 the very hour1 though sad it may have been1 when this tiny ring first encircled my finger6 ,it was an hour of parting between loving friends1 yet not an hour in which they forgot each other4 ,though far away1 she still remembers me as ardently as ,i retain my recollections of her1 and the many happy moments we spent together4 ,happily1 however1 it needs not these material trifles to wrest from oblivion the incidents of our lives4 ,one after another we can breathe them into existence as often as we will1 through the powers upon which they have made an enduring impression1 and as they re-appear before us1 the hallowed shadows of substances once enjoyed1 we become enchanted with their loveliness4 ,there is a beauty in this review of life1 in thus living over again the years gone by1 that affords the richest comfort to the soul40 8,is it then10 queried ,i1 8by thus asking pleasures of an active and happy past1 that you have maintained your freshness of mind and brilliancy of spirits8 ,in another1 the same things would have caused melancholy and desponding regrets1 by exhibiting in contrast a hopeless and pleasureless future40 8,my future10 she pleasantly replied1 8is not hopeless1 but were it even so1 the consequences could not be so sad2 neither will it ever be more void of amusement than the present1 which is full of enjoyment4 ,it is an old ,spanish maxim1 well suited to the temper of the ,spaniard1 that #8he who loseth wealth1 loseth much2 he who loseth a friend1 loseth more2 but he who loseth his spirits1 loseth all4' ,with so fatal a loss1 the mind sinks deep into despair1 and the heart finds nothing to cheer it4 ,our natural organization1 however1 is happily provided with guards and barriers against it1 and to those who are not permitted to mingle in society1 this retrospective life is the best and noblest of them all4 ,there is no reliable middle course in affliction1 and if you guard against the pressure of unfavorable circumstances1 you not merely avoid the dangers of despondency1 but also increase your capacities for enjoyment4 ,your heart will mellow and expand by sickness1 and whatever coldness or indifference characterized it1 will yield before the power of sympathy4 ,the ill in your nature will be imperceptibly destroyed1 and the good remain standing alone4 ,where before you were quick to censure1 you will manifest generous forbearance1 and even positive injuries will be forgotten and forgiven4 ,how well is this state and condition adapted for a review of the past6 ,whilst it causes you to extend friendship to those whom you hated1 it attaches you so closely to those whom you loved that your very being seems to become blended with theirs4 ,in your adoration of them1 their lives are made part of your own1 and though they may not always claim an interest so intense1 they afford equal enjoyment4 ,you ponder upon their adventures1 contrasting them with your own1 and each separate incident affords new matter for the employment of your thoughts4 ,if1 then1 ,i have my own life spread out before me1 and the lives of those who are nearest and dearest to me1 have ,i not sources of enjoyment sufficient to do much more than maintain my present spirits and buoyancy40 ,thus she continued ever finding something to interest her mind1 and bring pleasure to her lively affections2 whilst ,i felt pleased with this happy manifestation of her well-trained disposition1 and found in it much to instruct4 ,here was one whom ,i had regarded as a fit object for compassion1 enjoying herself more than the vast mass of humanity much better situated for enjoyment4 ,all this1 too1 by properly guarding and guiding her thoughts4 ,here was a commentary on human happiness1 showing how well we are adapted for pleasure1 and what sources of comfort we may be of ourselves4 ,the deep and unseen springs of sensibility and joy within us1 thus made to gush forth at our will1 augur a higher and sublimer destiny4 ,the crude philosopher1 or the still cruder sceptic1 may doubt and deny1 but still they will continue to direct him to the imperishable testimonies of immortality4 ,it is not within us to believe1 that the power which dictates and controls our thoughts and our impulses1 so tender that every impression made upon it even in infancy retains its hold until the grave closes over us1 is destined to be forever obliterated4 ,even in life1 it gives us evidences of eternity4 ,should we live for countless ages1 though the particles composing our bodies might continually yield to decay and be replaced by others1 its own identity would be maintained1 nor could we erase from it the impressions of our childhood4 ,no change in life can destroy it1 or move it from its directing and controlling sphere4 ,is it1 then1 merely the unsatisfying mystery of an invisible element1 endowed with the capacity of preserving and summoning before us the shadows of past beauties1 though doomed itself to perish8 ,is it only a fleeting1 flickering ray1 simply given to illumine our physical existence1 whose last flash shall be forever extinguished when the nature to which it was joined sinks before the rough contacts of earth1 or slowly dies out of its own infirmities8 ,happily1 it awakens sweeter thoughts1 and inspires higher hopes4 ,its brightness is not like the passing lustre of the moonbeam1 receding behind the first murky cloud that floats across its path1 but may be made to shine only the more brilliantly through the surrounding darkness4 ,with her1 whose afflictions and pleasures ,i have faintly described1 it was not a mere visionary creature1 conjured up by powerful imagery1 and clothed with the devices of a fine fancy1 yet compelled to fall before the first truthful reality it encountered4 ,following out its mission in truth1 it is our faithful companion and guide through life2 and who shall deny it another sphere of nobler existence1 where it may never cease to feast upon the untold loveliness of creation1 and forever dwell upon the past1 reviewing its own good deeds with unabating gratitude to its author1 and unending happiness to itself4 ,,an ,,anonymous ,,writing1 ,,which ,,had ,,served ,,as ,,an ,,envelope ,,to ,,the ,,following ,,paper4 ,the manuscript enclosed was found upon the desk of the ,secretary and read by permission4 ,the author1 perhaps to his own credit1 cautiously withheld his name4 ,though many inquiries were made without success1 ,i could not avoid ascribing its paternity to a young rogue near me1 who appeared greatly pleased with it2 and after the reading1 desired the ,junto to take the labor of reducing the practice of lying to a science under its immediate supervision and protection4 ,this imprudent expression of his wish at once involved him in numerous difficulties4 ,it was looked upon as a very slanderous reflection1 and the poor fellow was so roughly handled that he not only gladly withdrew it1 but himself also1 perhaps a little wiser than he had been before4 ,his difficulties no doubt impressed him with a proper idea of the value of discretion1 and certainly taught him that no matter how much men may be given to evil habits1 they are averse to having their faults paraded before their own eyes as well as to seeing them exposed to the gaze of others4 ,they may be addicted to a disgraceful practice1 yet ask them to avow and openly protect it1 and they will raise such a terrible clatter about your ears that you are fain to withdraw as speedily as possible4 ,,the ,,excellencies ,,of ,,lying4 8,the art of silence and of well-term'd speech40 ,,old ,,poet4 ,of the many practices to which our people are addicted1 and which exhibit their progress towards the higher walks of civilization1 there is none more prominent than the habit of lying4 ,celius wrote of ,pompey1 8he is wont to think one thing and speak another20 and we may say1 that amongst us1 it has almost become difficult to decide1 whether we act upon the principle that language was invented to express our thoughts1 or simply for the purpose of enabling us to conceal them4 ,i have an old friend who1 adding to a mind accustomed to accurate observation1 more than fifty years of experience1 frequently remarks that he has never yet had half a dozen conversations with any person1 without detecting a falsehood4#a ,it is well known that in our day it is scarcely possible to bargain even with a saint1 without discovering him a liar2 and ,i verily believe that had all who ever indulged this habit been treated like ,ananias and his spouse1 the world would long since have been depopulated4 ,fortunately1 none are now so summarily punished1 or there would be a terrible 8falling down and giving up of the ghost40 ,for this generous forbearance1 we may1 perhaps1 be indebted to the superiority which we have acquired over these two rude victims4 ,we have certainly improved somewhat upon their example1 yet it must be owned that our progress in this habit has not been commensurate with that made in the other improvements of the age4 ,some of the fabrications of the ,carthaginians and old ,assyrians1 noted for their proficiency in this particular1 were greatly superior to any encountered in the present day4 ,we have lost the ancient spirit1 which1 it is feared1 can only be revived by re-enacting some of the ancient laws4 ,for instance1 in ,sparta1 it is said1 thieves were punished1 not for stealing1 but for permitting themselves to be caught2 the law-makers1 no doubt1 arguing that the fool deserves severer chastisement than the rogue4 ,were the same rule adopted now as to lying1 it would soon close the mouths of those arrant bunglers who so frequently provoke our ridicule and contempt4 ,man was originally endowed with the power of clear and distinct articulation1 which1 after some improvement1 enabled him to convey what ideas he pleased to his fellows4 ,it is agreeable to all experience that in using this excellent gift1 he should consult his own convenience1 and he has accordingly introduced this habit of lying4 ,from the highest to the humblest1 and from the gray-haired old man to his youthful grand-child1 all find it of use4 ,the priest1 the lawyer1 the physician1 have rendered it a necessary part of their professions4 ,tradesmen and mechanics have by no means neglected it1 and some have made such signal use of it1 that we now look upon the sons of ,crispin as comparable only to a horde of ,cretians1 who1 we are assured by excellent authority1 were always liars4 ,the conveniences resulting from this practice have ever been so very apparent1 that its origin was almost coeval with the existence of man2 for one of our primitive ancestors1 after exhibiting his moral depravity by murdering his brother1 was stupid enough1 when asked the whereabouts of the slain1 to answer the all-knowing questioner1 8,i know not2 am ,i my brother's keeper80 ,since his day it has been introduced into every walk of life1 and is now used without reference to the occasion--some being even so addicted to it as to tell a lie when the simple truth would answer better4 ,in childhood we seek to avoid the rod by resorting to it1 and when we attain to years of discretion we find it convenient upon much more trifling occasions4 ,does some intolerable bore intrude upon you1 you dismiss him to the digestion of a lie1 and find pleasure in the reflection of having done so4 ,when an impatient creditor duns you1 what more convenient than a plausible falsehood8 ,when an appeal is made to your purse by some importunate borrower or beggar1 you know well how to answer him by an untruth4 ,should you get into difficulty1 you study what virtue there is in language1 and use it to effect your end4 ,when an inquisitive wife pests you with her troublesome inquiries1 you have the example of an honorable ,roman senator for telling her a lie2 and when you have broken a promise1 why1 you know well how to excuse yourself by resorting to the same means that caused its violation4 ,knowing the great conveniences of this habit1 and being masters of our tongues1 the fault lies with us if we cannot touch whatever chord in the nature of our fellows that we wish to arouse4 ,to attain this degree of perfection1 however1 we should be properly schooled4 ,ever since the times of ,thauth1 ,hermes1 and ,cadmus1 many have endeavored to excel in efforts to reduce the gift of speech to writing1 and to regular rules and systems4 ,every variety of sciences1 whatever their pretensions1 have so used it as best to promote their interests1 inventing new words1 or assigning strange meanings to old ones1 whenever occasion required4 ,it has been the great fountain and support of every excellence of which we know1 and the powerful medium of every humbug that has heretofore cursed society4 ,it may1 therefore1 appear strange that no one has yet1 for the great benefit of mankind in general1 resorted to it for the elements to establish1 as a distinct profession1 the art of well and skillfully framing a falsehood4 ,the schools of philosophy have settled it that men may lie4 ,whether they have done so upon the strength of the bold opinion of the crafty ,lysander1 that truth and falsehood are indifferent things2 or upon the comprehensive saying of ,sophocles1 8,i judge no speech amiss that is of use20 or upon the more designing maxim of the ,spaniard1 8tell a lie and you will get out the truth20 or upon the anatomical principle of the petit ,prince of ,bantam1 which will certainly be admired by our modern physiologists1 8my tongue has no bone in it to make it more stiff than is necessary for my interest20 it is not material here to determine4 ,suffice it2 that it has been so settled1 and as our practices conform to so enlightened a decision1 policy would seem to require that they be reduced to regular and systematic rules4 ,it is true1 some have manifested considerable anxiety to secure for this habit a kind of scientific distinction4 ,they have accordingly had resort to the stars1 or if despairing of flights so lofty1 the hand or a pack of cards answered equally well to tell a fortune by4 ,though their plans and schemes were sufficiently ingenious1 lying itself could not endure them4 ,they could hope for no proselytes except amongst the credulous1 and even amongst those they could only gain such as believed there was as much 8pleasure in being cheated as to cheat40 ,thus their efforts in this excellent work1 have not only been defeated1 notwithstanding the high encouragement they sometimes received1 but if ,euripides speaks to the purpose1 they themselves have been made to feel the consequences of their mistakes3 8,what's an ,astrologer8 ,i thus reply1 ,a man who speaks few truths1 but many a lie1 ,which1 when found out1 he takes his heels to fly40 ,perhaps their great failure is principally to be attributed to the narrow defectiveness of the founder of their tribe4 ,it is true1 the worthy man's name has not yet been definitely ascertained1 but then this very ignorance has helped us out of our perplexities in searching for it4 ,the writers and critics upon ,junius1 when unable to discover the author of the famous letters1 very sagely conclude that he was a man who had made himself acquainted with the affairs of his time1 and who was1 withal1 somewhat of a genius4 ,so ,voltaire has disposed of this query in a very summary manner1 by assuring us that 8the first rogue who met with the first block-head0 was the inventor of soothsaying4 ,whilst this conclusion has been generally accepted as a very satisfactory one1 it must be admitted that1 though he may have been an acute rogue1 he was none the less an indiscreet one1 or he would not have attempted to confine this important privilege and practice of lying within so exclusive a circle4 ,there could be no lack of material in speech upon which to construct a system of scientific lying4 ,perhaps1 by applying to it a term which has long since been banished from 8ears polite10 on account of its harshness1 ,i may be accused of a want of interest in so noble an enterprise4 ,if so1 ,i can only render as an excuse1 that if lying can claim any one merit more than another1 it is that of having ever maintained its own identity1 no matter what efforts were made to increase its respectability by titles supposed to be more delicate4 ,in this particular1 it must be owned1 it has always resembled its author1 who1 whether known as ,satan or ,beelzebub1 ,lucifer or ,pluto1 is nothing but the plain1 common devil after all2 and who1 though you should call him an angel1 would be the devil still4 ,thus sacrificing no merit which it can justly claim1 the difficulties of reducing it to a science could be easily overcome4 ,an old maxim has it that 8fools and children sometimes speak the truth40 ,if 8maxims are the condensed good sense of nations10 as ,sir ,james ,mackintosh pithily observes1 it would require excessive presumption to deny the wisdom of this one1 so universally received and acted upon4 ,the ancient moralists1 after rearing a queer medley of truth and nonsense upon a few wise sayings1 pronounced the heterogeneous mass the 8,science of ,morality40 ,this was at least generous1 for it must be owned that a more convenient appellation for all who desired to sin according to moral law1 could not have been invented by their philosophic magnanimity4 8,it is in the creed1 sir10 would have answered every accusation1 and put an end to all further contention4 8,know thyself10 and 8,too much of nothing10 proverbial sayings for ages1 were so well received that the seven wise men of ,greece consecrated them to ,apollo1 and inscribed them in letters of gold upon the door of his temple at ,delphos4 ,after so important a precedent of respect to maxims1 notwithstanding the many changes wrought by time since the days of ,thales and ,solon1 he who should seek to reduce the practice of lying to scientific rules1 might claim equal consideration for the axiom given above1 which he would of course so interpret as to make all wise men liars4 ,if the wisest and the best who ever assumed the troublesome nature of man1 could hang all the law and the prophets upon two commandments1 surely the modern man of science might build a system upon a single maxim1 whose object would be more to increase the dominion of ,satan than the glory of a different kingdom4 ,the service he would thus render to society would be incalculable1 and forever perpetuate his name as one of its most worthy benefactors4 ,by teaching the public1 young and old1 and without distinction of sex1 to lie according to an approved system1 our contempt would no longer be aroused by the fools now addicted to the practice1 and who constantly exhibit a stupidity only equalled by that of the first liar of whom we have any record4 ,though we may have mules in the professions1 who only make work for keener and shrewder knaves1 and blunderers in the sciences1 this should be no excuse for bunglers in this most worthy art of lying4 ,such1 however1 could readily be got rid of by elevating the habit to the dignity of a science1 which each should be permitted to practice after being skilled in its rules4 ,to secure the more general proficiency of those who desired to study the system1 it should be made an indispensable antecedent requisite1 that they be fully worthy of their ,prince1 and as honest as the ,lombardian sect spoken of in the bull of ,pope ,adrian ,,vi41 who fully acknowledged the devil as their head1 and promised obedience to him4 ,p4 ,a4 ,,footnotes3 #a ,note4--,the editor was at first inclined to believe that this old man could never have been within the circle of good society1 but the developments of the times have removed this uncharitable opinion4 ,when one half1 or more1 of the independent lay people of this country1 together with perhaps one-third of the ministers of the ,gospel1 7for such is the general estimate17 can voluntarily connect themselves with a secret political organization1 one of whose principles is universally felt to be the worst species of lying1 it may not be long before it will be extremely difficult to find a man of real truth4--,,ed4 ,a ,,paper ,,filed ,,away ,,with ,,the ,,following ,,tale4 ,the tale of the ,alchemist was related at our meeting to a concourse of as drowsy listeners as ,i ever saw congregated around a cheerful fire4 ,the individual who related it1 however1 manifested a deep interest in every incident of the story4 ,indeed1 when he arrived at some of the more startling and mysterious passages in it1 he gave them with a ghostly intonation of voice1 slowly and cautiously1 looking anxiously around him to discover what impression they made4 ,he exerted all his powers to be interesting1 and preserved a very serious air throughout2 which caused me to greatly suspect him as one of those easy-natured creatures1 who are ever willing to believe whatever they hear1 without troubling their heads for philosophic reasons1 or permitting their faith to be at all interfered with by measuring probabilities4 ,after he had finished1 it was soon ascertained that the story is a genuine tradition1 as faithfully believed by many as any chapter in their ,bibles1 and certainly oftener thought of and repeated4 ,upon being questioned1 he replied that he had heard it from a number of citizens of well-known veracity1 and that to doubt it was regarded1 in the neighborhood where the events occurred1 as the rankest heresy4 ,then1 too1 he added1 it has some strong points to recommend it to our belief3 it definitely disposes of several matters which would otherwise be compelled to remain forever unsettled2 it is old1 and many have heretofore given it full credit1 which should make us slow to doubt2 much of it is marvelous1 and therefore incomprehensible1 and what we cannot understand it would be irrational to condemn or deny4 ,this provided against every doubt1 and left no other choice but to believe or remain silent4 ,the latter seemed to be generally preferred1 and the story was accordingly received as one of those strange tales in which every town used to abound1 and filed away as a part of the traditional history of the village to which it related4 ,s----,y ,,the ,,alchemist2 ,,or1 ,,the ,,magic ,,funnel4 ,in a small village on the banks of the ,susquehanna1 several miles from the present location of the capitol of ,pennsylvania1 many years ago1 there lived a very singular individual known to the villagers by the name of ,felix ,deford4 ,he resided in a little log building at one end of the village1 and during the first year of his abode there1 never spoke over half a dozen words to any one of his neighbors4 ,this strange exclusiveness1 in a community so small that each one not only knew the other but was perfectly familiar with his most trifling habits and pursuits1 excited great curiosity1 as could very naturally have been expected4 ,he at once became the subject of general conversation1 and various surmises were suggested in explanation of his conduct1 in the propounding of which the ladies were decidedly the most prolific4 ,this was owing1 it was affirmed1 to their naturally more inquisitive dispositions2 but1 in the present instance1 ,i am inclined to believe that it resulted rather from their having been endowed with feelings more tender and sympathetic than those of the opposite sex4 ,this opinion seems to derive great strength from the fact that their conjectures generally agreed in assigning as the cause of his secluded habits1 some unfortunate occurrence that depressed his spirits1 and made him melancholy4 ,it was indeed no little entertaining to hear the quiet and simple villagers1 at their gossipping meetings1 discussing the case of this mysterious stranger1 for to them he was doubly a stranger1 from whatever view they might regard him4 ,though they occasionally saw him1 yet so far as social intercourse was concerned1 he might as well have been in ,china4 ,during the first year of his residence amongst them1 notwithstanding their many efforts to effect an acquaintance1 they had not been able to ascertain anything respecting him beyond his name1 which he never manifested the least disposition to conceal4 ,whatever advances had been made towards a closer intimacy he had invariably repelled1 but always in a manner1 and with a modest and attractive politeness1 which only prepossessed those who had made them the more in his favor4 ,instead of losing their interest in him through the progress of time1 their anxiety daily increased to obtain some knowledge of his manner of life1 if nothing more4 ,as yet1 no one had been inside of his house since he resided in it1 not even the rent collector1 upon whom all had looked as likely1 at least partially1 to gratify them in this particular4 ,on a warm evening in the month of ,august1 a large party met at the house of one of the villagers1 when1 as was usual at such gatherings1 the subject of conversation turned upon the queer habits of ,felix ,deford4 ,one fair young creature1 who had once been favored with a sight of him1 gave it as her opinion1 that not having heeded the judicious counsel of ,sophocles1 8never let woman rob thee of thy wits10 his hopes had been wrecked in some sad and unsuccessful love adventure4 ,in giving vent to her sympathies for the unfortunate ,felix1 she did not refrain from denouncing the cruelty of some of her sex in a manner which modestly intimated1 that her own heart would never have permitted her to send so devoted a lover as he must have been into miserable exile4 ,this was immediately taken up by a sharp-visaged1 hatchet-faced specimen of the ancient maiden lady1 whose beauty1 had she lived ages ago1 would scarcely have induced the most forlorn ,grecian gallant to pronounce her1 in the expressive and complimentary phrase of his time1 8a virgin who gained oxen40 ,for forty years she had experienced the terrors of single blessedness1 from what cause she could not divine1 which had by no means rendered her patient and charitable4 ,she unhesitatingly advanced it as her judgment1 that his conduct1 if love had anything to do with it1 resulted rather from remorse of conscience for past offences than from female cruelty4 ,examples of this kind were not wanting1 and she herself had once known a ,frenchman the recollection of whose wicked amours so preyed upon his mind that he voluntarily banished himself from the sight of men--as severe a punishment1 it was thought1 as could possibly be inflicted upon a ,frenchman4 ,an old lady here interposed1 and related a story of a melancholy individual1 whose many deplorable mishaps had fully convinced him of the ancient theory1 that each one was born under a good or an evil genius4 ,it had been his direful fate to have been ushered into the world under one of the latter kind4 ,whatever he had been prompted to undertake1 soon gave evidence that1 however fickle a goddess ,fortune may be1 to him she was ever constant3 not that she loved him1 but merely because she was even more patient and spiteful than an affronted ,corsair4 ,nothing would prosper under his protection1 though he had been as watchful as a vestal virgin4 ,he had frequently envied the ,grecian youth who1 killing his step-mother in endeavoring to hurl a stone at a dog1 exclaimed1 8,fortune had a better aim than ,i40 ,if luck had been half as favorably inclined towards him1 some fortunate accident would not so long have permitted a ,fury in the form of a termagant wife to have added to his troubles4 ,after wooing ,fortune for a number of years to no purpose1 he at length determined at least to escape her frowns and punishments1 if he could not share her civilities2 and therefore betook himself to the wood to adopt the life of the anchorite4 ,what became of him after this was never clearly ascertained1 but it was supposed his evil genius had found in him too good a subject to be abandoned to the whining winds of the forest4 ,to this a young gentleman replied that he had good reason to believe that ,felix was not so much a fool4 ,he at least gave evidence of possessing more fortitude1 judging from the manner in which he had resisted the repeated and troublesome inquiries of the villagers4 ,it may be1 suggested the young man1 that he had come to the village from mere love of a retired life2 or1 perhaps1 being of studious habits1 he sought its quietude to prosecute his researches4 ,another one remarked1 that he had once known a very worthy and pious minister1 who had been so exclusively given to religious meditations1 that he had often wished for the most solemn privacy and quietude2 and had it not been for the sweet temper of his lovely wife and her happy efforts to interest and cheer him1 he would inevitably have shut himself up in some dungeon4 ,an interesting young ,miss1 who had spent much of her time in reading novels1 now thought it her turn to venture an opinion1 which she did by drawing upon the extensive and valuable stock of stories hoarded in her memory4 ,she had often read of men1 who1 though they could not transform themselves like ,mris1 the magical shepherd1 or become altogether lycanthropic1 yet abandoned human society to mingle with wild beasts in forests and deserts1 or in the darker recesses of cliffs and caves4 ,having fixed their affections upon some object1 their souls became wrapped up in its pursuit and attainment1 and when disappointed1 they could not withstand the revulsion of feeling that necessarily followed1 and therefore flew to solitude4 ,some of these1 interrupted the sharp-visaged elderly lady before alluded to1 were no doubt driven to such extremities through the excessive indulgence of evil passions1 through bitter regrets and remorse1 through a deep sense of their infamy1 or to hide their shame whilst planning new villanies to be practiced after the old ones had been forgotten4 ,this proved an unfortunate interruption1 and had a remarkable effect in preparing the minds of the party for what followed4 ,under the influence of a particular impression1 we are often led to make ourselves ridiculous1 or to do that of which we afterwards seriously repent4 ,the ideas naturally prompted by the words of the last speaker1 were well intended to reverse the course of their remarks when aided by what transpired immediately after4 ,she had scarcely finished her insinuating speech1 before a new acquisition was made to the circle by the entrance of a young man1 a simple1 good-natured soul1 whose silly humors had frequently afforded amusement to his more knowing acquaintances4 ,he reported that1 having just passed ,deford's house1 he heard a terrible racket1 and upon endeavoring to ascertain the cause1 by placing his head against the door1 he became so much alarmed by the mixed confusion within that he quickly hastened away4 ,true1 he had seen nothing1 but his ears had convinced him that the sounds were unearthly1 and not the voices of ordinary human beings4 ,they were unlike anything he had ever heard before1 and then1 too1 they were accompanied by singular groans and painful hisses1 by the clatter of chains1 and the jingling of small sharp-sounding bells1 and by a confused noise which much resembled that occasioned by rapidly striking two pieces of sheet-iron against each other4 ,such a formidable array of incomprehensible things had not failed to make a very visible impression upon the countenance of the young man1 which1 however1 was only regarded as confirming his tale4 ,after this astonishing narration1 though before there were few in that circle who had not regarded ,felix as an honest1 well-bred gentleman1 there was little charity left amongst them1 and indeed much less sense4 ,their minds were now directed into another channel of thought1 and quite different causes were alleged as explanatory of ,deford's habits--so sure are we to follow the lead of what is uppermost in our heads1 though we should be rendered the veriest fools for our pains4 ,each of them now had some fanciful story to relate1 and it soon became the settled conviction that poor ,felix had to be shunned1 for there could be no telling what mischief he might bring upon the village4 ,some expressed their thoughts that perhaps he might be nothing more than an escaped convict after all1 or some despicable outlaw1 who was compelled to keep himself hid to avoid detection4 ,others had heard of highwaymen and freebooters1 after a long life of crime and infamy1 retiring to some private habitation quietly to enjoy their plunder1 and repent of their misdeeds at leisure3 a practice now much in vogue amongst lesser criminals1 and highly honorable in refined and civilized communities1 though it was then little known to the rude and industrious villagers4 ,others1 still1 had heard of those who hunted up unfrequented and gloomy places to meet the hideous spectres of the night in their peregrinations 8up and down the earth20 whilst a fourth even recollected individual instances of miserable wretches resorting to hidden and secluded spots to hold communion with the evil one4 ,certain it was1 there were few now in that circle who were willing to affirm that ,deford's conduct was the result of good motives or an honorable career4 ,the tide of opinion was turned against him1 so sure is an odd demeanor1 sooner or later1 destined to breed ill-thoughts in those around us1 and arouse suspicion4 ,curiosity hates to be baffled1 and when it seizes hold of an entire neighborhood1 it becomes a dangerous thing1 and the discreet and judicious man will always avoid it4 ,without a guide to govern and control it1 the itching phrensy of inquisitiveness is as limitless in its range as it is void of reason and discretion4 ,whilst1 however1 the villagers had been moved to the highest degree of anxiety to learn something more of ,felix than simply his name1 he was no less curious concerning matters of quite a different character1 but which were of about equal significance4 ,unfortunately for him1 he was one of those deluded1 so-called philosophers who have always had their counterparts in all ages of the world2 and who1 despising simple and common things1 as a ,french commentator truly observes1 followed the lead of quaint fancies and cheating vagaries1 even rejecting the plainest truths unless they came invested with a charm to gratify their desire for the extraordinary and marvelous4 ,every fantastic story of ghost or goblin that had come to his knowledge1 and every mysterious witch transaction1 had1 to him1 been important matters for study4 ,he had squandered many days in search of an antidote to decrease the dominion of death1 yet never attempted to wrest from its grasp any poor victim of disease4 8,was there not10 he would ask of himself1 8a tree of life in the garden of ,eden1 and if its fruit possessed the magic power of imparting perpetual life1 has nature lost the qualities and elements of which they were composed8 ,are we not informed by the ancient ,skalds and ,sagas1 that the heroes and warriors of old1 when pressed down and enfeebled by age1 repaired to the fair and beautiful ,iduna1 to eat of the #8apples of youth1' and become young again80 ,to him1 the efforts of the ,spanish voyager1 ,juan ,ponce de ,leon1 in search of the mystic spring1 located1 by tradition1 somewhere amongst the sands of ,florida1 a sip of whose precious waters imparted rejuvenescence1 and secured perennial youth1 had been an enterprise so noble that better success should have crowned it4 ,aureolus ,theophrastus ,bombastes ,paracelsus ,honenhelm1 after first pruning down his monstrous name to decent proportions1 which was1 perhaps1 the most sensible act he performed during his life1 became possessed of the elixir vita4 8,if10 thought ,felix1 8the foolish neglect of a careless and fickle world1 which not unfrequently throws away its greatest blessings1 or treats them with contempt for long periods of time1 permitted such important knowledge to be entirely lost1 the best1 if not the only thing that can be done1 is to endeavor to restore it again40 ,most excellent reasoning1 and practical enough for a better cause4 ,how vast1 how immeasurably incalculable would be the results following the revelation of these hidden mysteries1 which formed but a trifling portion of the wonderful and marvelous things to the investigation of which ,felix had devoted his life6 ,the elixir of ,paracelsus would effectually banish from the world the innumerable nostrums now poured down the throats of the public in torrents which threaten to supersede entirely the use of nature's beverage as a drink4 ,the visitors to ,florida would far exceed in number and array the pilgrims to ,mecca1 or the deluded travellers towards the holy waters of the ,ganges4 ,fortunate ,iduna6 what a mighty host of love-sick swains would woo thee6 ,who1 then1 would have reason to lament over the terrible inroads of age8 ,the pleasant and innocent means now resorted to1 with most commendable patience and perseverance1 to conceal its hated furrows and wrinkles1 would be doomed to oblivion1 as things interdicted from human remembrance4 ,the novelty of nature1 unadorned by such admirable arts1 which many have been so anxious to behold1 would then be everywhere paraded to the popular gaze1 and habit would soon accustom us to its sight4 ,some inspired poet1 then1 might sing a doleful requiem over rouge and pearl1 and no loving youth would be compelled to search a clear1 unpainted1 and unpowdered spot whereon to kiss his lady-love4 ,none1 too1 would then be moved to re-echo the regret of ,euripides1 8----,that men should be deny'd ,the gift of springing to a second youth1 ,a double age60 ,and what might not be the salutary effects upon the world's morality1 for could 8----,we turn our steps1 and tread again ,the path of life1 what slips we once had made ,we would correct1 and every cheating maze ,avoid1 where folly lost our way before40 ,through these discoveries1 so potent in their influence and wide in their range1 the world might possibly become stocked with a superior order of men1 and its wickedness cease to be a constant and an endless subject of complaint4 ,it would then be a delight to live in it amid its general harmony and concord2 and none would be made to appreciate the feelings frequently expressed by a friend of mine1 who always resolved1 whenever disgusted at the depravity now too common1 to emigrate to some uninhabited island1 and commence the world anew1 in imitation of old ,adam1 firmly believing that he could raise a better brood4 ,felix ,deford1 however1 during his residence in the village1 had been more particularly engaged in other inquiries4 ,the things which we ordinarily encounter during life1 were far too dull and stupid for his ardent nature4 ,he longed for something more extraordinary and marvelous1 and accordingly betook himself to search for it4 ,he had wit enough to know1 that nature1 so far as it is understood1 has fixed a certain1 definite rule of government which had first to be surmounted before the supernatural could be attained4 ,this had been done long before his time1 and so very signally1 that even the most wonderful metamorphosis were wrought with perfect ease4 ,does not ,pliny himself affirm1 and he certainly should have known1 that the change of females into males is not fabulous1 and ,montaigne assure us that he actually saw a man who had once been a woman8 ,thanks1 we should rather say to ,felix1 that such magic powers are known no more2 for in our day1 when women so madly aspire to man's condition1 the stock would soon be entirely lost4 ,felix1 however1 apprehended no evil consequences from such a discovery1 for women would then be no longer needed1 and who1 argued he1 could suffer to be incommoded with them but for their absolute necessity8 ,whatever dangers suggested themselves to his mind upon this score1 he rapidly dismissed1 with the reflection that the world was at no loss for inhabitants1 and after a sip from the mystic spring1 or a slice from ,iduna's apple1 the race would no longer require replenishing1 and could therefore readily afford to dispense with the fairer portion of creation4 ,if we contemplate with awe the ruins of nations1 ideas of whose imposing grandeur have been transmitted to us for our admiration and wonder1 and ponder with melancholy anguish upon the fact that millions of human creatures were crushed in their fall1 what strange emotions1 what terrible feelings1 would not be inspired by the total extinction of the most lovely of the sexes--the first honored companion of solitary man in the sacred bowers of ,eden6 ,no1 ,felix2 no discovery1 though it should be a secret passage to the gates of ,paradise1 could atone for so sad a loss4 ,woman was the only instrument of ,godly mercy fit to shed a ray of sunshine upon the path of man when first his race began4 ,though she caused him to go astray1 she has done much to repair her error4 ,in the bright glory yet in reserve for her1 to calm and cheer the agony and despair of his last hour with the sweet and exhaustless affection of her lovely nature1 well will she redeem the stain her impulsive confidence brought upon her angelic character4 ,the realization of these unnatural powers constituted the dream of ,felix1 and for this he had devoted his hours to magic in his solitary study1 which1 to the view of a stranger1 would have much resembled the operating room of an industrious philosopher4 ,old1 musty1 and neglected volumes1 bearing ample evidence that they had undergone the vicissitudes of many years1 and suffered treatment too barbarous to be entirely ascribed to the hands of studious and inquisitive man1 were piled promiscuously upon the shelves4 ,scarcely one of them could boast an entire cover1 and their black letter and roughly ornamented pages presented a bold contrast to the volumes of the present day4 ,around the room were seen numerous instruments1 with now and then some strange apparatus--things for which science had but few names1 and common parlance was a total blank4 ,in one corner your eye met nothing but crucibles1 mortars1 urns1 pots1 kettles1 and cans2 in another1 you beheld a variety of jugs1 decanters1 bottles1 and vials2 whilst others contained a mass as indescribable as it was nameless4 ,all1 too1 bore testimony of having been frequently used1 and emitted a repulsive scent1 sufficiently exhibiting that it required no very refined sense of smell to detest the pursuit of an alchemist4 ,the rules of neatness and arrangement1 however1 were not neglected in all this confusion4 ,in the centre of the room a large circle was drawn1 whilst the walls were totally covered with odd signs1 strange figures1 and mystic devices4 ,here it was that the magician employed his charms1 and conjured up his spells1 and here the alchemist pursued his intricate investigations4 ,here ,felix had applied himself1 with a devotion worthy of the greatest commendation1 to realize1 by magic and alchemistic means1 the dreams of those deluded ,germans whose fantastic theories1 for so long a time1 had run away with the reason and good sense of their native contemporaries1 and eventually worked similar results in different sections of the world4 ,he longed to verify the fancies of ,rosencreutz1 which had set many a man's 8wits a wool-gathering10 and made strange fools of some of the cleverest1 but too credulous1 fellows of all ,europe and elsewhere4 ,how happy he would have been in having been brought into closer communion with his ,maker1 or made the companion of noble spirits to whose wisdom he could have given the impress of utility1 and thus eventually succeeded in driving pain1 disease1 and sorrow from the world6 ,had not the noted ,dr4 ,torralba a magic ,zequiel1 apparently unlimited in power1 to accompany him as his pledged and faithful friend1 and had not ,naude's 8zenith and rising sun of all the ,alchymists10 the skilful ,paracelsus1 a spirit confined in the hilt of his sword1 and another imprisoned in a jewel8 ,the famous magician1 ,cornelius ,agrippa1 whose talents are attested by the great ,erasmus and the smooth and gentle ,melancthon1 did not only command the demons of the earth and the spirits of the air1 but could even break in upon the repose of the dead1 in the presence of whose greatness he would have cowered during their lives1 and summon them before him1 clothed in their accustomed habiliments6 ,though the tunic and mantle of the ancient ,grecian had been decayed for centuries1 and his body consumed by the devouring limestone which had composed his singular sarcophagus1 the dismembered particles came together again1 and were compelled to reappear at the powerful bidding of ,cornelius4 ,this wonderful knowledge of the historiographer of the ,emperor ,charles ,v41 and the author of the 8,superiority of the ,female ,sex10 to the great loss of the world1 had been permitted to perish with him1 and perhaps forever4 ,though ,felix was industriously laboring to restore it again1 and revive the marvels of magic and alchemy1 it must be acknowledged he was not exceedingly well adapted for the task4 ,although he had energy and perseverance to surmount every conquerable obstacle1 he yet lacked two essential elements--he possessed too much honesty1 and not enough imagination4 ,every pursuit requires certain qualities of mind and heart1 and in none have imagery and dishonesty more to do than in that in which he was engaged4 ,they are indispensable to success in such an enterprise1 and in both ,felix was deficient4 ,to speak the simple truth1 there was a limit to his madness4 ,he was weak enough not to doubt the truth of the superhuman exploits and performances ascribed to the masters in the art1 whose works he had diligently studied2 yet not sufficiently crazy to see unearthly visions appearing in answer to his charms and incantations1 when1 in truth1 there was nothing but vacancy before his eyes4 ,combining the fanatical theories of ,bohmen1 with the more rational and philosophic demonstrations of common chemistry1 he would undoubtedly have triumphed in his inquiries but for his deficiency in the qualities alluded to as essential to the alchemist4 ,though he had dreaded a search for the philosopher's stone1 that great marvel for ages1 after so many had failed before him2 yet if ,agrippa had so far succeeded as to change iron into gold1 though it was destined to be converted into simple and worthless stone after one revolution of the earth1 might not an improvement be made which should render the metamorphosis more permanent8 ,whether ,agrippa had worked this wonder1 which1 indeed1 would have furnished the clue to all others1 by the discovery of the pebble for which so many had searched in vain1 or through the direct intervention of the devil1 had always been a mystery to ,felix2 but he had pondered upon it again and again1 until it eventually brought him to the determination of summoning his satanic majesty before him4 ,although satan had unquestionably proved himself a bad magician1 if he had been the instrument made use of by ,agrippa1 ,felix believed this was owing rather to his wily and treacherous nature than to a want of power4 ,this determination once fixed1 he resorted to the best approved arts usually employed in invoking demons and spirits1 and such had been one of his principal occupations during the latter period of his residence in the village4 ,he by no means desired their visits upon mere terms of intimacy and friendship1 but demanded absolute dominion over them before compelling them into his presence4 ,justin ,martyr1 and all the most ancient ,fathers1--and certainly their statements ought to be of great weight1--had too strongly depicted the horrors wrought by bad demons who had visited the earth1 for ,felix to desire their reappearance without possessing full power to control them4 ,these learned and devout men1 venerated even to this day with a kind of religious fervor1 had furnished enough1 and more1 to show that such supernatural agents had not lost the worst vices of humanity1 but in addition possessed greater means of indulging them1 which they were not timid in exercising4 ,felix ,deford knew the world's many afflictions too well to wish to add any more to their number2 but he believed that a charm so potent as to force the powers of darkness to obey its summons1 had only to be dispelled to drive them back to their homes again4 ,it would be wrong to neglect stating here1 that if the masters whose astonishing knowledge and power ,felix admired1 mingled the mysteries of religion with their theories and principles1 he by no means disregarded them4 ,if it be true1 7and who doubts it87 that in the antediluvian age1 men had lived so many years as to make life resemble a sweet and pleasant immortality upon earth1 a very remarkable change must have been effected since then4 ,in the opinions of his masters1 that this long life had been the result of a closer communion with the divine element1 of social intercourse with the many good spirits supposed to inhabit and abound in space1 and of possessing a controlling power over the evil ones1 he saw no poetry1 but the serious truths of philosophy4 ,here1 then1 there had been sufficient to attract his attention to the mysterious portions of his ,bible1 just as the disbeliever is drawn to those which human intellect is incapable of solving or reconciling4 ,his researches1 however1 had a less ruinous effect1 for they perplexed only himself1 and did no harm to others4 ,he pursued his studies1 boiled his mystic herbs1 applied his minerals1 made his magic mixtures1 and resolved his wild problems1 constantly expecting some answer from regions which he was incapable of penetrating4 ,his failures never daunted him1 for the doctrines of his masters had been too well settled in his mind1 and he was too thoroughly convinced of their accuracy1 to permit a supposition of their untruth4 ,he was neither so vain nor impatient as to reproach his predecessors because he had failed to meet with equal success1 but ascribed his repeated disappointments to his own deficiencies and imperfections4 ,he had been too intent upon his studies to have much concerned himself about the villagers1 who1 ever since the meeting of the evening party before described1 suspected his motives and feared his designs4 ,not knowing what evils he might bring upon them1 and impelled by a very troublesome curiosity1 they imagined the worst1 so naturally are we given to exaggeration2 and now began to refuse supplying him with the requisite comforts of life1 thus expecting to bring matters to a decisive point4 ,this1 at last1 compelled him to greater sociability1 but he refused to become communicative4 ,though asked a thousand times1 directly and indirectly1 concerning his solitary pursuits1 he had as many civil and respectful answers1 leaving his questioners as ignorant as they were before4 ,at length1 however1 the curiosity of the village triumphed4 ,a young rogue1 more cautious and cunning than the rest1 ascertained what were his employments1 and smiled at the great consternation caused by the discovery4 ,he adorned his tale with all the poetry of his rough fancy1 and so interwove it with marvels and falsehoods that it gave ample proof that he would have made a much better alchemist than ,felix4 ,his story fully realized the imaginings of the wildest magician1 and soon succeeded in persuading the villagers that ,deford was the absolute controller of spirits1 and the unlimited master of demons4 ,as a dealer in forbidden things1 he was now still more carefully avoided4 ,had ,felix here thrown away his honesty1 for he began to feel the undeserved reputation he was acquiring1 and issued from his cloister publicly to practice his incantations1 he could have performed wonders before the eyes of the villagers not surpassed in splendor by any accredited to his masters3 but he preferred to continue his studies and his conjurations as if unconscious of the opinions entertained concerning him4 ,this only had the effect of increasing the consternation of the villagers still more4 ,his name at once became an object of dread to the credulous1 and a subject of terror to the old women1 who soon made it the fright of the nursery4 ,recollections of old and marvelous stories were rapidly revived1 and for some time nothing seemed to be known or talked of in the village but terrible tales4 ,there was scarcely a man or woman to be found who had not recently seen a ghost or been troubled by some fearful spectre1 for all which ,felix had to bear the blame4 ,amongst these1 the most conspicuous was the sharp-visaged old maid1 who now saw more ghosts and phantoms than there had been ,gods in the heathen ,pantheons1 and pointed to this fact as a full and triumphant verification of the opinions she had first expressed concerning him4 ,to billet an army upon a town is always attended with great confusion1 and necessarily with no little terror2 but she accused him of something more awful still4 ,she unhesitatingly affirmed that he had filled the village with spirits and devils1 to trouble the repose of its people2 but an incredulous fellow1 perhaps moved by a malicious disposition1 insisted that such could not possibly have been the case1 otherwise she could not have been secure for a single moment4 ,no nook or corner could be found where ghost or goblin had not been4 ,the street had become the dancing ground of the tenants of darkness1 and the limits of the village the general theatre for their sports and evil practices1 and all through the incantations of the conjuror4 ,every bare spot which had refused to yield as abundantly as its neighbor1 brought a curse upon poor ,felix2 every strange mark discovered was regarded as a sure indication of superhuman agency1 and every odd foot-print afforded a monstrous theme for conjecture4 ,singular noises began to be heard in the air3 some exulting and merry--others plaintive and melancholy4 ,confusion seized the cattle1 the horses became as stubborn as the women1 the dogs kept up a continual howl and fight1 and night was rendered hideous by caterwauls4 ,the pigs and chickens were no less rebellious1 the noisy fowls became more noisy and restless1 and the barn yards resembled perfect ,babels4 ,the crow of the cock was no longer the morning signal of the approach of day1 for it was heard at all hours of the night4 ,everything seemed to have been turned upside down1 or tossed about by some miraculous and fearful power4 ,it is supposed that the land inhabited by spirits is pleasant and enchanting1 that fairies and genii seek none but the abodes of beauty1 but here all was dismay4 ,it was not strange that the majority of the villagers should have been made afraid to venture out of doors after the decline of the sun2 yet notwithstanding all this1 ,felix had a few defenders4 ,though none could deny the evidences of tumult existing1 these assigned quite a different cause for the fact4 ,make a village mad1 said they1 drive all the good sense out of the heads of its women and substitute fear1 spread consternation amongst the children and discord amongst the men1 and it would be truly miraculous if matters followed their usually peaceful routine4 ,the brute will partake of the turbulent humors of its master1 and when constantly disturbed by surrounding dismay1 cannot avoid becoming infected with the general confusion4 ,felix1 at last1 began to fear the mischief he had unintentionally been creating1 and sallied forth once a day with the view of allaying it4 ,as secresy was no longer possible1 he endeavored to become as sociable and communicative as circumstances would permit1 but the villagers generally shunned him as though he had been a pestilence4 ,a few only could tolerate his presence and submit to his conversations1 and these had to encounter the censure of being leagued with him4 ,an evil motive and wicked intention was now ascribed to every trifling thing he did1 and all his attempts to commingle sociably with the villagers were quickly attributed to some base design4 ,it is strange how error leads us to phrensy1 but such appears to be its very nature4 ,when once it has taken root1 it spreads and increases with unaccountable rapidity4 ,with not one half the beauty and attraction of truth and reason2 it yet seems to possess a hundred times their power and influence over our conduct4 ,truth moves with slow and certain tread--error with fearful impetuosity4 ,a town once set in motion the wrong way1 presents a terrific spectacle1 and to arrest its career of madness is a task not easily performed4 ,it had been so in the case of ,felix ,deford1 and he soon ascertained that it was much less difficult to create a turbulent storm than to allay it4 ,the villagers became lavish in threats and curses against him2 yet1 mistrusting and doubting1 their fears compelled them to act with caution4 ,repeated deputations were sent to him1 politely requesting him to retire from the village1 lest his personal safety might be endangered4 ,his efforts to remove their delusion proved unavailing1 and they continued to insist until he dismissed them1 no less impatient at their importunities than they had been apprehensive of his residence amongst them4 ,whilst they had been thus engaged in devising means for the expatriation of ,felix1 a danger more immediately threatening called for their undivided attention4 ,though it had been supposed they were entirely safe from ,indian incursions1 they noticed several suspicious signs and indications which induced them to prepare for an attack4 ,the friendly feeling that had existed between the villagers and the savages in their immediate vicinity1 had not deterred other tribes from ravaging wherever opportunities were presented4 ,in this new difficulty1 the alchemist nobly volunteered his assistance4 ,without waiting for such a call1 he assumed the command as one familiar with the practices and habits of the savage1 and who had frequently been engaged in similar skirmishes4 ,as was apprehended1 the war-whoop was suddenly heard early one morning1 and fully indicated the desperate encounter to be expected4 ,the attack was commenced with a fury common to ,indian warfare1 and it was mainly through the vigilance of the magician that the contest resulted in the total rout of the savages4 ,all were compelled to be lavish in their praises of his services1 but even the marvellous exploits which they ascribed to him could not inspire confidence and friendship4 ,they were simply regarded as convincing proof of the exercise of forbidden power4 ,upon being rehearsed again and again1 no little magnified at each repetition1 few were willing to believe that he could have escaped unless protected by some superhuman agency4 ,some had even seen strange figures hovering above his head and arresting the many and repeated blows aimed at him4 ,others had seen him surrounded by more than thirty savages at a time1 yet none of these could so closely approach him as to use any weapon4 ,he appeared to be encompassed by a mystic circle which no one could enter1 thus enabling him to deal destruction around1 whilst his assailants were rendered harmless4 ,when tired of the slaughter in one section of the village1 he almost imperceptibly rose above the heads of friends and foes1 and was quickly transported to another that demanded his aid4 ,others1 still1 had seen him rush wildly into the very midst of savage groups1 and rescue a number of brave villagers who had been defending themselves against great odds1 and so confusing the assailants that they even fell upon themselves to hurry their retreat4 ,the more marvellous his exploits1 the more did the villagers regret that he lived amongst them1 for he might eventually prove more dangerous than the savages themselves1 and how could they resist him8 ,felix1 however1 was not disposed to be an object of dread to the villagers any longer4 ,a few days after the incursion of the ,indians1 he was no more to be seen4 ,to account for his sudden disappearance1 it was alleged that he had followed the savages1 and would continue to pursue them until their tribe was totally extinct4 ,he was to become their evil spirit1 who would enter into their midst and slaughter as he pleased1 whilst their arms should be unavailing against him4 ,this opinion obtained almost general consent as the most plausible1 after a careful and cautious examination of his late residence had been made4 ,nothing was there to be found or seen save the black circle upon the floor1 which1 to the great astonishment of all1 resisted every effort made to erase it4 ,the walls were now more clear and clean than ever1 and retained no traces of the mysterious devices that had formerly ornamented them4 ,the entire building appeared as though it had been fitted up for the reception of some fastidious tenant4 ,all this1 in the opinion of the villagers1 had been the undoubted work of the spirits which they supposed the conjuror had under his command1 and which would aid him in his avenging mission4 ,their surmises were destined to be materially changed upon the arrival of one of the villagers who had been absent for several months upon public business4 ,he was one of the principal men of the village1 which important distinction he had won more through the interest he had manifested against ,felix than any excellent qualities of his own4 ,true1 there was a little of the ,german's good nature in his composition1 and he had a great love for all that was wonderful and mysterious4 ,he heard with astonishment the details of the villagers--how they had been attacked during his absence1 and how ,felix had assisted them1 and then suddenly departed1 as they supposed1 to take vengeance upon the savages4 ,in return1 he had something interesting to relate1 which soon undeceived them4 ,whilst wending his solitary way towards the village1 he reported1 night had overtaken him1 and having been still a considerable distance off1 he kindled a fire upon the banks of the river1 intending to repose until morning4 ,sometime during the night he was aroused from his quiet slumber1 and looking round1 he beheld a bright1 blazing light in the air1 high above the water4 ,to his utter amazement1 there was ,felix ,deford in the blaze6 ,he was vehemently remonstrating with a figure so closely arrayed in black that its outlines could not be distinctly traced4 ,the discussion continued sharply for some time4 ,although circumstances sufficiently indicated that ,felix was in the presence of a superior1 his spirit was unconquerable1 and he ever seemed the victor in the wordy conflict1 as the villager inferred from the manner of his antagonist4 ,the black figure continued to become more terrible at every word1 and at last began emitting foam from its mouth and fire from its nostrils1 but ,felix refused to abate the least in his remonstrances4 ,a different encounter now commenced between them1 which promised to be more decisive than words4 ,the blaze that enveloped them began to spread and heave as though it partook of the anger of the combatants1 much resembling huge and boisterous billows when dashed into spray in quick succession against an irresistible rock4 ,it seemed to have been caught up in a terrible tempest1 and amid its turbulent agitation1 the contest between ,felix and his antagonist was continued by rapidly hurling large black darts at each other4 ,no want of skilful aim was exhibited1 yet each appeared to be composed of an impenetrable substance1 and the destructive missiles no sooner touched the person of either than they rebounded again1 or flew off at angles1 and vanished into air4 ,abandoning these apparently inefficient instruments1 they approached1 and engaged hand to hand with fiery swords2 but so equally were they matched in this mode of warfare that they only exhausted themselves1 and after making a number of furious1 but ineffectual blows and thrusts1 they threw away their weapons4 ,panting from the exertion of the desperate battle1 they stood for some time gazing intently at each other1 exhibiting a fearful and unearthly savageness4 ,at length the contest was again resumed1 and huge bolts1 whose dark-blue color contrasted beautifully with the glare that surrounded them1 were thrown with marvellous dexterity1 but they were as vigilantly and skilfully parried or avoided4 ,it was now as difficult to be true to their aim as it had been easy before1 plainly indicating that a blow from the bolt was held in different esteem than a stroke from the darts previously used4 ,suddenly ,felix sprang with a savage leap upon his antagonist1 having at the same moment been struck by one of these monstrous missiles1 when instantly the flame disappeared1 and both fell rapidly down into the water4 ,nothing was now heard but the rushing of the current1 which seemed to have become more boisterous1 and the villager composed himself to sleep again4 ,he awoke in the morning1 and directing his eyes over the body of the water1 he beheld rapid currents from all sides1 rushing towards the spot where the combatants had fallen4 ,the object was strange to him1 and he entered his light canoe determined to investigate it4 ,fortunately for his curiosity1 before he reached the ungovernable current1 he saw the trunk of a large tree floating down the river4 ,it was drawn towards the arena that had attracted his attention1 and rapidly approaching the centre1 it was whirled round and round1 tearing up the water as if laboring in a mighty whirlwind1 or grappling to be freed from the clutch of a fearful monster4 ,its terrible struggles were unavailing1 and by a powerful effort1 as though the might of the waters had been concentrated upon one object1 it was raised on end1 when down1 down it passed from sight4 ,this new wonder was scarcely less surprising to the villager than the occurrences he had witnessed during the night1 and guarding his fragile bark he for some time watched the raging element4 ,every thing that came within reach of the current1 which had formed itself into a great funnel1 was dragged down its voracious centre1 however awful or prolonged its struggles4 ,what became of it afterwards ever remained a close and impenetrable mystery4 ,after this astonishing report had been heard and fully commented upon by the villagers1 all other surmises in reference to ,felix were abandoned1 and many visited the place where he had fought his last battle4 ,there was none now to be found amongst them who had no regrets for the poor alchemist4 ,although he had been an object of fear to them whilst seen in their midst1 he had rendered services too important when the village had been assailed by the savages1 not to have secured the good wishes of all2 and if they had so heartily desired him to remove his abode elsewhere1 they as fervently wished prosperity to attend him4 ,even the sharp-visaged old maid1 who had before so repeatedly expressed her ill opinion of him1 now exhibited her gratitude4 ,during the assault of the ,indians1 she affirmed1 he had twice rescued her from the tomahawk of the savages just in time to prevent the blows that would certainly have terminated her existence4 ,with all her want of charity and magnanimity1 there was still the sweet tenderness of woman in her nature1 and she could not restrain her lamentations and her tears4 ,for a long1 long time1 the story of ,felix continued to be the village talk4 ,the strange disposition of the waters that commemorated his last exploit1 acquired the name of the 8,magic ,funnel0 from the villagers1 and whatever was drawn into it was engulfed forever4 ,its end or termination remained unknown4 ,it was a suggestion of some of the more philosophic villagers1 that the immense currents which then fed it may have entered again into the body of the river at a distance of many miles1 or have had a number of outlets so small that none would have thought of tracing them to their original source4 ,whatever of truth or error there may have been in these and kindred surmises1 it is said1 as a truth which was never doubted by the villagers1 that the poor and ill-fated alchemist makes a circuit every year1 entering the 8,magic ,funnel0 again1 together with his antagonist4 ,on every anniversary of his fearful encounter1 the singular flame may be seen again in the air1 with a renewal of the battle4 ,often these waters lash each other as if in great trouble1 and it has passed into a traditional saying with the sturdy watermen of the ,susquehanna1 whenever they see them surge and foam with unusual impetuosity1 that the conjuror and his powerful adversary are at each other again1 interchanging their terrible frowns and hurling their fearful bolts4 ,the humble boatman1 as he cautiously moves by this mysterious place1 now far less dangerous than many years ago1 with his fragile skiff or light canoe1 still gives a sighing thought to the memory of the conjuror1 and not unfrequently sings a doleful requiem over the fate of the ,village ,alchemist4 ,h4 ,c4 ,,remarks1 ,,intended ,,to ,,precede ,,the ,,following ,,essay4 8,if1 in the paper herewith submitted1 there may be any confusion1 or supposed misapplication of terms1 we claim our privilege4 ,in old time1 those who excelled in the sciences were called ,sages1 which was equivalent to our learned4 ,this pedantic appellation1 however1 could not be tolerated by the modest ,pythagoras1 who1 being merely an anxious searcher after knowledge1 refused to arrogate to himself its actual possession1 and therefore assumed the title of ,philosopher1 or ,lover of ,wisdom4 ,he deserves immortal honor for this happy application of the word1 yet we are not quite sure that he would have used it at all had he foreseen the consequences to which it has led4 ,ever since his day1 it has become the custom to look upon all whose wild fancies are inexplicable1 as 8,philosophers20 and whenever a confused mass of nonsense is collected together1 so heterogeneous that human ingenuity is at a loss to classify it1 it is generally dubbed 8,philosophy40 ,whatever of incongruity1 confusion1 or misapplication may be detected in our essay1 must1 therefore1 under the most approved customs of the times1 be regarded as wonderfully philosophic1 and being thus converted into a merit1 we need add nothing in extenuation40#b ,,footnotes3 #b ,,note4--,the above introductory remarks1 together with the paper which they accompanied1 were read before the ,association as the report of a ,committee4--,,editor4 ,,an ,,essay4 ,,the ,,beauty ,,of ,a ,,well ,,cultivated ,,heart4 ,however high and exalted the achievements of mind1 and whatever the pleasures and consolations of knowledge1 these are small when contrasted with the beauties of a well-cultivated heart4 ,the grand attainments of talent and genius1 exhibiting man's lofty superiority over all animated existence1 may attract our admiration and elicit our surprise1 but the manifestation of those noble qualities which we ascribe to the heart1 alone can make us feel4 ,mind only appeals to mind3 heart alone to heart4 8,knowledge is wealth10 was a favorite and perhaps somewhat egotistical saying of the ancient philosophers1 and1 indeed1 without it man would be a most pitiable creature4 ,it is a maxim ascribed to ,zoroaster1 that 8he who lives in ignorance knoweth neither ,god nor religion10 and ,thales1 one of the seven wise men of ,greece1 and founder of the ,ionic sect1 calls him 8who enjoys good health1 finds fortune favorable1 and has well cultivated his soul with sound learning10 the happy man4 ,without mental culture1 we cannot appreciate the treasures of nature1 and unless we have a knowledge of its laws1 obtained through a study of the sciences1 we cannot realize the comforts with which it is arrayed for the benefit of mankind4 ,even the merciful government of ,god is rendered one of terror and fear through ignorance1 whilst the intercourse with our fellows so essential to social happiness1 is restrained within the most narrow bounds1 and we remain little better than barbarians4 ,the ,mitylenians esteemed ignorance of the liberal arts a deplorable punishment1 and thus1 when masters of the sea1 they prohibited the revolted allies from teaching their children letters or music1 as the most grievous penalty they could possibly inflict4 ,the affections1 and those virtues which signally reach them1 we have for ages been accustomed to place to the heart's account4 ,we yield to it all the virtues of sensibility1 and thus it becomes the great source and centre of feeling4 ,to it we ascribe that generous commiseration and sympathy which constitute the pillars of society1 and which have long since confirmed the declaration of the great ,roman orator1 that no nation has ever existed where civility1 good nature1 and gratitude1 were not had in esteem1 and where the proud1 the mischievous1 the cruel1 and ungrateful1 were not had in contempt and abhorrence4 ,wisdom may flatter our self-love1 and as it advances1 justly challenge our respect1 but we fail to see in it the power or the pleasure which is inseparable from the heart's good sentiments4 8,it is to no purpose to be wise1 unless we are rendered better10 truly observes ,lucian4 ,life is made a blessing1 not through the influence of mind1 however much it may have done to surround us with the means of comfort and enjoyment1 but through the great excellencies of man's nature4 ,it is a law of nature1 as we are told by the most eminent moralists1 that each should cultivate an agreeable sociability as the best means of promoting the end for which human society has been instituted4 ,this can never be successfully done without the virtues of the heart--such as friendship and love1 and above and including all1 ,,charity4 ,the pleasure of man's intercourse with his fellows depends principally upon the virtues that adorn him4 ,the wise1 if arrogant1 vain1 and ungrateful1 may only succeed in awakening within the good feelings of mingled respect and contempt2 whilst the generous1 the humble1 the just1 will ever elicit universal esteem4 ,we rely upon their gratitude and confide in their friendship1 realizing the happiness of their guileless sincerity and truth4 ,without friendship1 life would be a gift which we might well despise4 8,by what other means10 asks ,seneca1 8are we preserved1 but by the mutual assistance of good turns80 ,it is this generous virtue1 springing from the heart1 that renders our associations agreeable1 and throws around our existence the joys and pleasures of social life4 8,if any man10 says ,xenophon1 8a lover of virtue1 ever found a more profitable companion than ,socrates1 ,i deem that man the happiest of human kind40 ,this celebrated ancient general and scholar1 in thus speaking of his friend1 utters but a truthful tribute to the virtue of friendship1 as exemplified in the life of every honest man4 ,the man who has well improved his heart becomes a fit companion for all1 whatever may be their condition4 ,he views the actions of men through the medium of his generous virtues1 rather than through that rigid severity which accompanies an unforgiving temper4 ,his noble charity recognizes a universal equality1 and whilst he bears with the errors and follies of those around him1 he seeks to remove them by generous appeals to the heart rather than by censure and rough rebuke4 ,he remembers that the tender entreaties of his mother1 and the lamentations of his wife and children1 prevented ,coriolanus from destroying the ,rome that had formerly banished him1 and not the fear of the ,romans nor their tempting overtures2 and that afterwards the moderation of ,valerius ,corvus1 the ,dictator1 quelled a dangerous mutiny1 and accomplished1 perhaps a similar end4 ,he is not prone to look upon every error as a serious crime to be resented1 but prefers to act upon the magnanimous dictum accredited to the ,chinese philosophers1 who 8reckoned it a true mark of a brave1 and wise1 and worthy man1 to put up the hurts and affronts he received1 without any inclination to harm the author40 ,when it becomes necessary to punish a villain1 he prefers the example of ,pericles1 if circumstances allow it1 who1 it is said1 endured the ribaldry of a rogue for an entire day1 without exhibiting anger1 and then commanded a servant to light him home with the torch3 thus1 perhaps1 taking the most signal vengeance possible1 for none can patiently bear such generosity and silence from him whom he hates1 and with whom he desires to quarrel4 ,in the wide range of human blessings there is none to equal those generous impulses which govern the conduct of such a man4 ,they enable him truly to fulfil the destiny of his affections1 in whatever station he may be called1 despite the circumstances calculated to arouse his passions and excite the evil elements in his nature4 ,they who have well cultivated the heart's true sensibilities1 find the means and sources of enjoyment spread lavishly around them4 ,the fickle and whimsical pursuits after momentary pleasure1 which vex and perplex so many1 never disturb their quiet nor encumber their repose4 ,the happiness that attends them is unalloyed1 not subject to the regrets of disappointment1 nor the frequent remorse which preys upon the mind of him who had haunted the glittering pleasures of animal life and its enticing enjoyments4 ,they feel the full gratification of the inward sense1 which is sincere1 penetrating1 and permanent4 ,the store upon which they draw is exhaustless4 ,other elements of nature may perish by too frequent use1 but the sensibilities of the heart only increase in strength and vigor through every occasion that calls them forth1 and expand the more the more they are exercised4 ,it is use that preserves them3 slothfulness is their great and formidable enemy4 8,all virtues10 says an ancient ,grecian philosopher1 8depend upon exercise and use2 to preserve them1 we must practice them40 ,the career of man often presents melancholy illustrations of the want of this true sensibility4 ,the aims of life1 too frequently governed by the arbitrary decrees of society1 lead him into paths that rather blunt than encourage it2 and he finds little substantial pleasure in fulfilling a destiny which circumstances have forced upon him against the better qualities of his nature4 ,fortune may have smiled upon him1 enriching him with her bounties1 yet these1 if simply depending upon themselves1 soon sicken and lose their interest4 ,the riches of the soul can only be enjoyed through the sensibilities of the heart1 which lead us to the performance of deeds of truth and charity4 ,they alone can enable us to discharge the mission of sympathy and love towards the unfortunate and distressed2 they alone can qualify us for generous and magnanimous intercourse with those whose evil destiny deserves our kind indulgence1 and fit us for more exalted association with equals and superiors2 they alone can develope the good germs in our nature into exceeding excellencies1 and lead us to true virtue and its exhaustless treasures2 and they alone can make the journey of life resemble a smooth and even surface1 and surround us with pleasures and comforts which the insensible may never know4 ,how much1 then1 is it our duty to cultivate the heart through the exercise of its sensibilities1 and thus obtain the full gratification of every virtuous faculty in our nature6 ,how much1 then1 does it behoove each of us to conquer the sordid and selfish motives too frequently engendered by surrounding influences1 and bring into more healthful existence those noble affections with which we are endowed6 ,thus alone can we truly live in mind and heart1 and effect a happy harmony between soul and body--no longer verifying the saying of ,theophrastus1 that the former pays large rent to the latter for its dwelling4 ,a ,,preface1 ,,made ,,by ,,the ,,secretary4 ,the following paper was read at a full meeting of the ,junto1 and listened to with considerable attention3 not more than a dozen falling into a nodding doze during its reading4 ,i was at a loss to account for this interest1 not knowing whether to ascribe it to the style of the composition or to the manner of the reader1 who frequently indicated his delight1 though perhaps at the expense of his charity1 by his insinuating emphasis of particular sentences4 ,to be relieved of my perplexity1 ,i addressed the inquiry to a gentleman seated near me1 upon whose face ,i noticed a savage scowl1 which had probably been occasioned by his having heard too accurate a description of his own character4 ,turning towards me1 perhaps with the view of ascertaining whether there was not a double meaning in my query1 he gruffly replied3 8,neither style nor manner2 but scandal1 to be sure3 the drowsiest cur will prick its ears at scandal--the sluggard1 be he never so sluggish1 never gapes when furnished with a dish well seasoned with its venom40 ,that he was correct in this1 ,i shall not here venture to record an opinion2 but certain it is1 that at the conclusion he was the loudest in applause of ,peter's dream1 and the first to declare that 8it was not all a dream40 ,notwithstanding this emphatic declaration1 however1 it was soon ascertained1 upon questioning the gentleman who had introduced the paper1 that it was1 of a verity1 what it purported to be4 ,he had received the manuscript of a friend1 who had heard every incident therein related from ,peter ,easy himself1 and could not be mistaken4 ,this seemed to satisfy the curiosity of each1 and it was therefore generously decreed that the 8,dream of a ,loafer0 should be allowed a place amongst the records of the ,association4 ,s----,y4 ,,the ,,dream ,,of ,a ,,loafer4 ,it has often been matter of surprise to me1 that the important and truly philosophic individual upon whom the community has generously conferred the title of 8loafer10 should frequently be so little appreciated as to receive no higher encomiums than such as he may be able to extract from a laugh or a sneer4 ,his title is certainly one of dignity and distinction1 and although many efforts have heretofore been made to change it1 and substitute the more refined and aristocratic appellation of 8gentleman of leisure10 he has ever1 and very properly1 in my opinion1 indignantly resisted such invidious encroachments upon it4 ,he has thoroughly examined its derivation1 and fully investigated its import1 with all of which he has no reason to find fault1 and therefore remains perfectly content4 ,that the loafer is a meritorious personage1 one fact alone should be sufficient to satisfy the most doubting3 he is always emphatically a 8self-made0 man4 ,by carefully studying excellent examples1 which have been increasing ever since the world began1 and to which we are promised many more bright additions1 he seldom fails to attain a great degree of perfection4 ,unfortunately1 our civilization prevents him from securing that renown to which he is fully able to establish a just claim1 and which had generally been freely granted to his first predecessors4 ,should he presume to live1 as it is reported of our primitive ancestors1 upon husks and acorns1 we would quickly pronounce him a madman1 if for no other reason than because this would demonstrate that he differed from us in taste1 or was blessed with a better organ of digestion6 ,should he diet upon raw beef1 employ his naked fingers and the hollow of his hand in preference to the many table articles invented for our convenience1 and now constantly used1 we would soon think it an act of charity to confine him in some lunatic asylum1 instead of immortalizing him as a philosopher6 ,civilization1 so much admired for the many comforts it has brought with it1 has thus resulted much more to his injury than benefit4 ,if the dial of time was set back some two or three thousand years1 he is perhaps the only one who would not lose by the change4 ,in truth1 civilization and enlightenment1 though he does not deny that they have greatly benefitted others1 are his most formidable enemies4 ,it will therefore be seen how unreasonable and ungenerous are those who condemn him for doing nothing to advance either4 ,these elements of modern society have been the great cause of inducing many to doubt his usefulness1 whilst they have even impelled some seriously to question the necessity of his existence4 ,in proof of this1 ,i may here state1 that ,i once had a very inquisitive and philosophic friend1 now for several years gathered to his fathers1 whose death1 it is said1 was occasioned by too close mental application in efforts to ascertain the usefulness and necessity of a well-known micher1 who was constantly to be seen at the village tavern4 ,such1 ,i have been assured1 was the precise statement of his physician1 who likewise added1 that he might perhaps have survived1 but for the many perplexing difficulties suggested to his mind by the old command of the apostle1 8that if any would not work1 neither should he eat40 ,this entire statement1 however1 was much questioned2 but then1 those who doubted it1 invariably remarked that the doctor1 having so well doctored my friend that he quickly died1 had less regard for the truth than solicitude for his professional skill4 ,this involves the whole matter in uncertainty1 where ,i must leave it1 not because ,i belong to the school of the ,pyrrhonists1 those lying doubters of old1 but simply because the subject is too intricate1 and might perhaps prove as fatal to me as the one before alluded to did to my worthy friend4 ,whatever may have been the cause of my friend's death1 we must feel sorry that1 if he was engaged upon so serviceable a work1 he was not permitted to complete it and present the result of his labors to the world4 ,the information might have proved of considerable benefit to the philosophically inclined4 ,indeed1 if he had removed all possible doubt of the usefulness of such individuals1 and shown the real necessity of their existence in our society1 a very difficult problem1 ,i must own1 would have been solved4 ,such a favorable solution1 too1 would have afforded much consolation to all of that class1 and might even have caused a great increase of their number4 ,of one thing1 at least1 ,i am certain3 it would have confirmed still more1 if such a thing be possible1 the habits of an acquaintance of mine1 who resides in the same village with me4 ,he is known to the villagers by the designation of ,easy ,peter1 but always writes his name1 whenever you can induce him to perform so much manual labor1 ,,peter ,,easy4 ,he is descended from a family whose lineage has been traced to the ,welsh and ,germans1 of which stocks he is extremely fond of boasting4 ,this1 to me1 seems simply to illustrate an excellent trait in his character1 for it exhibits the respect he entertains for his forefathers4 ,some of the villagers1 however1 ascribe his boasts to vanity2 declaring that he is as vain as a woman1 and that if mythology had no ,narcissus1 he would furnish it with an excellent one4 ,that these are much out in their reckoning1 ,i am well persuaded2 for should he become so enchanted with the loveliness of his figure as to languish to death at the fountain in which it might be reflected1 they would be the first to attribute his demise to sheer laziness1--a disease1 which1 fortunately1 is not very fatal1 otherwise epidemics would never cease in the world4 ,easy ,peter may at all times be seen in our village4 ,if he is not found at the old log tavern at its eastern end1 you are certain to meet him at the tobacco house at its western extremity1 where two smoky youths have for several years been engaged in 8rolling up0 the weed into form for the enjoyment of its devotees4 ,i believe it is the universal experience that all of ,peter's excellent habits possess a great proclivity for places of this kind4 ,whether this may be owing to a desire for idle associations1 or simply to a love of the articles retailed there1 ,i am not well qualified to decide2 but whatever may be the cause operating upon ,peter1 he has a peculiar affinity for these two places in our village1 at which his enthusiasm and verbosity frequently amuse and occasionally astonish his auditors4 ,it is true1 no one seriously apprehends that any modern ,festus will ever impatiently accuse him of being made mad by 8much learning10 however prolific he may be in his speeches4 ,he is in no such danger1 nor is it probable that he will ever earn the reputation of being wise simply through being boisterous1 although many have done so before him4 ,always referring to the generous liberality ascribed to ,socrates as an illustration how men should use their knowledge1 he even seeks to surpass this much renowned ancient philosopher1 whom he recognizes as his worthy model1 in the lavishness with which he dispenses whatever he may happen to know4 ,this1 it must be acknowledged1 is not so exceedingly much2 but then he always mixes it with a marvellous amount of useless verbiage1 principally drawn from his imagination and his dreams4 ,herein1 it will readily be conceded1 he is not at all singular1 and only plays a part for which the times furnish innumerable examples4 ,the inhabitants of the village are all perfectly acquainted with him and his habits1 and he has therefore long since ceased to disturb them1 not from any reasons of his own1 but simply because they have learned not to heed him4 ,it so happens1 however1 that we are not unfrequently visited by strangers1 and these invariably stare with amazement whenever they encounter him at either of his favorite places of resort4 ,it may be supposed that in these magnanimous efforts to entertain all who can be induced1 from curiosity or other motives1 to while away an idle moment with him1 he should naturally indulge in denunciations against the world and its practices4 ,this1 ,i must confess1 is an inference not in the least repugnant to his habits2 but then he never finds fault from the mere pleasure1 of doing so1 in which he is so very singular1 that ,i must leave it to others to determine whether he is in advance of the age or behind it4 ,shortly after the hour of noon1 on a certain summer day which will long be remembered in this locality because of its excessive heat1 a young and sprightly farmer chanced to visit the village4 ,his entrance seemed to be regarded as an event somewhat remarkable1 for so dull was the season that no strange face had been seen by the villagers for several weeks4 ,upon arriving at the tavern1 having been curiously stared at by the occupants of every building he had passed1 he encountered ,peter1 who immediately entered into heterogeneous conversation1 if that can be called conversation in which the talking is all on one side4 ,i will here venture the opinion1 though cautiously1 that it may1 for custom seems to have so decreed1 and with few things has custom had more to do4 ,having invented no new word fully adequate to the occasion1 and sufficiently expressive1 we are led to submit to its long continued acquiescence in the one now employed4 ,then1 too1 excellent talkers could never consent to change this form of expression for any other less creditable to themselves1 and the good listener may find sufficient to reconcile himself to it in the remark of old ,simonides1 who declared that he had frequently repented of having said too much1 but never of having remained silent4 ,notwithstanding the apparent determination to exclude the possibility of a stray word from the new comer1 ,peter's conduct had something of novelty in it to the stranger which at once induced him patiently to listen4 ,of course1 this attention was highly pleasing to the talker1 for several weeks had been a very long period for him to remain1 on account of the dullness of the season1 in that silence to which the villagers had doomed him by common consent1 under the impression that time spent with him was unprofitably and irretrievably cast away4 ,when1 therefore1 he was invited by the young man to a seat in his conveyance1 ,peter had no hesitancy in accepting1 and not until they had left the village several miles behind1 did he ascertain that the stranger had no intention of returning to it again4 ,he now first bethought himself of the ridiculous blunder he had made in not having informed himself of this fact before4 ,in this sad plight1 very sad indeed to him1 he slowly dismounted from the vehicle1 and commenced pondering upon the best means to get back again to the tavern he had so incautiously left at the bidding of the stranger4 ,to walk so great a distance he would at any time have looked upon as an exceedingly laborious task1 but in the awful heat of that day the idea was too terrible to be entertained4 ,at length he concluded to trust to his luck1 which had sometimes favored him1 although he had frequently complained of its hard decrees1 thinking that chance might perhaps send some conveyance that way1 through which he could return to the village4 ,i should be greatly gratified to be able to say1 that in ,peter ,easy ,i had found the man who never lamented over his fate1 and who never affirmed that he was the 8unluckiest fellow in the world20 but ,i cannot claim the credit of having made so happy a discovery4 ,whether that fortunate individual has ever set a foot of real flesh and bone upon earthly soil1 is most extremely doubtful2 yet all will confide in their better destiny1 as did ,peter in the present instance1 though the certainty of disappointment may seem to stare them in the face4 ,cheered by so comfortable a hope1 he seated himself by the roadside1 beneath the shady branches of a ponderous tree1 and not feeling just then like the young lady who always 8dreaded to retire to bed because she could not talk in her sleep10 he was soon lazily spread out full length upon the sod4 ,he had not been long in this posture1 before he found gradually stealing over him a dull and oppressive stupor1 which may have owed its origin to a hearty and undigested dinner1 for in his case the saying of the wise man did not yet apply--8slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep1 and an idle soul shall suffer hunger40 ,fortunately for him1 his father had been a careful and judicious man1 and thus placed him beyond the calamity of the latter portion of the proverb1 which his habits might otherwise have reaped2 and ,i much question whether he had ever been so blessed as to realize the truth of the former by experience4 ,in this state of unconsciousness1 verging unto sleep1 he had a dream1 which he has since so often related that it must be very widely known4 ,at least1 such is the inference of the villagers1 who suppose that it has been honored with frequent repetitions by some of the many strangers who have visited the village since this eventful day in ,peter's life1 none of whom could escape hearing it either in whole or by parcels4 ,i shall here endeavor to narrate it1 though conscious that much of its effect must necessarily be lost through the absence of his manner and gestures1 which no human skill could transfer upon paper2 nor can ,i give it precisely in his own words1 for reasons which ,i must withhold1 leaving the reader1 however1 at liberty to supply such as may best suit his fancy4 ,easy ,peter1 not so exceedingly easy at the time1 imagined in his dream that some supernatural power had suddenly seized him4 ,from whence it had come1 he could not divine1 but it gradually transported him beyond the confines of earth into another world4 ,this so much resembled our own1 that had he awoke here1 he positively affirms1 he should not have been able to discover the least difference4 ,he was not as fortunate as the man who 8dreamed that there was no credit to be given to dreams20 and strange enough1 in his conscious hours1 he defends this fanciful excursion of his momentary slumber as a substantial truth4 ,it has been so effectually impressed upon his mind1 that he speaks of it1 not as the deceptive experience of a dream1 but as a real adventure4 ,the first thing that attracted his attention in this new sphere1 was the variety of employments at which he found the people engaged4 ,a ,french philosopher declares1 that they are mean souls who are so buried in business as not to know that the most glorious and principal work of man is to live well2 and as ,peter gazed upon the continual efforts and ceaseless struggles here exhibited1 he could not refrain from indulging in somewhat similar reflections4 ,scarcely an occasional pause was to be observed in the general commotion1 so intent did each appear upon some object that hurried him on4--,amongst these eager scramblers1 running to and fro in hot haste1 chasing every chimera supposed to hold out a promise1 ,peter's eyes detected one who at once claimed his entire attention4 ,he was as ugly as a ,theban sphynx1 lean and lank1 his very gait giving evidence of his cunning and treachery1 whilst his countenance1 if it mirrored what was passing in the soul1 plainly cried out1 8,money1 money6 at whatever cost or consequence1 ,i must have money60 ,a worthy illustration of the heartless miser1 who seeks for nothing but the gratification of his insatiable desire1 he never hesitated to inflict a wrong1 or crush a soul1 to obtain possession of a shilling4 ,the ,french ,vandille1 to save the extra expense of three bleedings at three pence each1 let out the four and twenty ounces of blood at a single operation1 thus purchasing his death at a sixpence--certainly a very cheap transaction4 ,he had his counterpart in this avaricious wretch1 who1 ,peter positively affirms1 would have added another four and twenty ounces for the gratification of feasting his eyes upon the glitter of a shekel4 8,had he lived10 said a stranger1 8in the days of ,eumolpus1 he would have been an excellent subject for remembrance in the will of that whimsical fellow1 who ordered that all to whom he gave legacies1 besides his children1 should receive them upon condition that they cut up his body and eat it before the people40 8,many10 replied ,peter1 8have waded through disgust to wealth2 and for a trifle1 he would never have paused until he had munched it up entirely40 ,his miserly propensities urged him to the violation of every principle1 the sacrifice of every virtue that happened to come in contact with them2 and thus he pursued his daily course1 still adding to his store as he lost of his manhood4 ,how very ridiculous it is1 thought ,peter in his dream1 that men will grasp and grasp without stopping to ask a question1 and thereby only increase the certainty of being eventually grasped themselves1 by most unwelcome clutches1 without being allowed the time to answer any4 ,turning from this wretched specimen of humanity1 ,peter recognised another who was no less busy1 and who seemed as ambitious as ,phton or ,icarus1 determined to set the world in a blaze1 or what appeared more likely to happen1 break his own neck in his aspiring flights4 ,he knew of no medium by which to be controlled1 and would even have found pleasure in the reputation of being a fool2 but1 unfortunately1 ,hobbes spoke truth when he said1 that 8without learning it is impossible for any man to be either excellently wise or excellently foolish40 ,herein he was deficient1 and the 8number of common fools far exceeding that of wise men10 as a ,german author observes1 they were rendered so general and were so frequently encountered that even this prospect of securing celebrity promised him nothing4 ,moved by his 8wild distemper0 he forgot the realities by which he was surrounded1 and in his impetuosity to climb up the crooked ladder of distinction1 he was hurried to the most extravagant excesses4 ,erostratus1 to obtain renown1 fired the temple of ,diana1 but the ,ephesians1 to bury his memory in eternal oblivion1 prohibited the mention of his name under the penalty of death4 ,this individual1 if not yet driven to such extremities to gratify his passion1 could nevertheless foresee1 in the satiric ridicule certain to follow his mad endeavors1 sufficient cause to 8go and hang himself out of sheer mortification40 ,such1 thought ,peter1 not unfrequently1 is the melancholy end of the zealot1 when his zeal triumphs over his judgment and dethrones his reason4 ,as he was watching the manuvres and expedients of this not uncommon character1 a party of gentlemen suddenly intervened between his vision and the subject of his gaze4 ,they were all so exceedingly merry that ,peter felt anxious to join in their sport1 and declares that he should have done so had he not been deterred by seeing one of them slyly and skilfully sliding his hands into the pockets of another1 where1 he quite reasonably supposed1 it had no business4 ,this was an exploit the like of which he had never witnessed before2 but having frequently heard of the practices of a learned profession1 he immediately concluded that this cunning villain was a lawyer1 so prone are we to form opinions from general reputation4 ,he soon after discovered his error1 however1 for the loud 8hue and cry0 that met his ears1 very distinctly informed him that upon this world there were pocket pickers and robbers as well as upon our own1 showing that we cannot claim these blessings as belonging exclusively to us4 ,inference1 thought ,peter1 is a very uncertain thing1 as often unjust as it is mistaken1 and he asked of himself whether it had ever assigned to him a place in the category of rogues4 ,of this he might have been satisfied1 for it has not yet been shown that any has ever escaped such imputations1 and we can only be surprised that so many are foolish enough to manifest doubtful anxiety in a matter of which each may be so certain4 ,another1 who was hurrying along with all possible speed1 and whose wild appearance seemed to attract general notice1 now claimed ,peter's attention4 ,not in the least regarding his late experience1 he at once concluded that this was a madman1 in which he was again partially mistaken4 ,following after1 it was not long before he discovered him to be an eminent physician1 visiting a patient to whom he had the day before administered a dose1 and who was now in his last agonies4 8,a wretched1 bungling quack6 a quack1 sir10 exclaimed a young physician1 who became irritated at our dreamer as he was declaiming upon this portion of his dream4 8,perhaps10 replied a stranger1 8the people of that sphere are stupid enough to follow the practice that caused the uncivil jest of ,fabius of ,bentivoglio1 who1 on his way to manufacture a doctor1 by chance espied an ass yawning with open mouth as if he were laughing4 ,to whom1 #8why laugh you1' says ,fabius1 #8you silly creature8 we can make you a doctor too1 if you have but money4'0 ,however this may have been1 the great haste of the physician was matter of surprise to ,peter1 who could not understand why a professor1 whose business it was to assist people to get out of the world with ease1 should be so much concerned for the life of a single patient4 ,his wonder1 however1 soon subsided upon being furnished with reason to believe that the man of medicine was a more careful student of the ,talmud and the ,rabbins than of his profession1 and that he had not been running for the good of the sick1 but for his own fee1 which was of infinitely greater importance4 ,many a one1 thought ,peter1 is rendering service to the devil1 even at the very time that we may think him engaged in works of superior excellence4 ,easy ,peter now lost sight of the physician1 but his place was filled by a straight1 slender1 and serious looking individual1 who was holding forth in a magnificent building1 which had evidently been erected with a due regard to lodging accommodations4 ,it required nothing beyond what he saw to inform him that this was a preacher in his fashionable temple4 ,peter had seen few men1 notwithstanding his extensive intercourse with the world1 who had the faculty of assuming so saintly an appearance as this one1 and he therefore determined to follow him home4 ,the holy man had scarcely descended from the pulpit before ,peter saw an illustration of how much easier it was to preach humility than to practice it1 and felt how few1 even of the priesthood1 really understood the saying of the essayist1 that 8the souls of kings and cobblers were cast in the same mould40 ,to show obeisance to the one1 however guilty and degraded by vice he may be1 is easy1 and honorable1 and an imitation of ,jesus3 to shake hands with the other1 and seek to reclaim him by magnanimous and friendly fellowship1 is countenancing and encouraging 8publicans and sinners40 ,to greet with the pleasant social smile1 and the exhibition of generous solicitude1 the poor and ragged parishioner1 is changing religion into levity1 and 8walking in the counsel of the ungodly1 and standing in the way of sinners30 to fawn upon and court the favor and association of the more fortunate worshipper1 who seldom ever rises from his knees until he has planned some new scheme to play the villain towards his fellow1 is 8exhorting one another daily1 while it is called to-day10 or taking 8sweet counsel together1 and walking unto the house of ,god in company40 ,peter was not a little surprised1 upon reaching the residence of the minister1 to discover how much better he was fitted to declaim upon the beauties of charity than to practice magnanimity and forbearance in his own house4 ,this1 thought he1 is not the only one who1 to obtain skill in lecturing the public1 exercises himself at the expense of his family's comfort and happiness4 ,peter became interested in the private habits of this reverend gentleman1 and would gladly have remained to ascertain yet more concerning them1 but being unable to direct the course of his dream1 he was unfortunately compelled to follow a melancholy creature who happened just then to cross his dreamy path4 ,true1 he had somewhere read or heard that melancholy men were naturally endowed with greater genius than those blessed with more volatile dispositions1 and he therefore expected to gain from this new subject what he had missed by losing the other4 ,he was led to a large and splendid establishment1 which he regarded as being certainly much better calculated to produce comfort and happiness than melancholy4 ,he had scarcely entered1 before he heard a harsh1 shrill voice re-echoing through the house1 and when the termagant1 who seemed to have inherited from nature a perfect right to its possession1 made her appearance1 he could not help repeating to himself the proverb of ,solomon1 8,it is better to dwell in a corner of the house-top1 than with a brawling woman in a wide house40 8,what an excellent ,tatianian he would have made10 remarked a pert young lady of the village1 who would sometimes honor ,peter with a few moments of her attention1 and to whom the thought of such unfortunate husbands always afforded matter for merriment4 8,why so80 anxiously queried ,peter1 who could not fathom her meaning4 8,because they maintained that all1 except themselves1 were damned through mother ,eve1 and that women were made by the devil1 to the latter of which tenets your hen-pecked vision could no doubt have sworn with the strictest of the sect40 8,notwithstanding such were their origin1 we would treasure them10 added another4 8,proving10 replied she1 8that the gifts from that quarter are preferred1 and that there is no justice in your complaints when the penalty is to be paid40 ,peter was naturally somewhat sympathetic1 and would gladly have condoled with this melancholy man in his affliction1 but the domestic pest kept too strict a watch to permit it4 ,he apprehended the consequences likely to follow1 should he presume too much1 and therefore wisely concluded not to cause the reigning spirit of the mansion to 8pass still more the equilibrium of her balance40 ,he reflected how indiscreet it is to interfere in matters of this kind1 and remembering the advice of the old poet1 he thought it judicious not to disregard it3 8,have pity on yourself1 and1 though you're stout ,as mastiff breed1 don't take a bear by th' snout40 ,as a spectator1 ,peter ,easy would not have objected to remain in this splendid establishment of domestic misery1 with the view of obtaining some practical knowledge of matrimonial life4 ,he had not ventured out of single blessedness himself1 for which he never gave any other reason than that he had been predestinated a bachelor4 ,in this he was believed by many of the villagers1 but others continued to maintain that his single blessedness was simply owing to his aversion to the trouble necessarily encountered in visiting and courting for a wife4 ,to this he would only reply1 that although he could not1 like the old ,thracians and ,assyrians1 rise from his bed in the morning1 attend the market with his purse1 and return in the evening with one of the fairest and most enchanting maids in the kingdom2 nor coolly exchange1 for a lovely and bewitching partner1 8one hundred and twenty pounds of tobacco1 cash10 the value of the best article1 as was the practice of his good-natured ancestors1 he yet lived in an age affording equal if not greater matrimonial facilities4 8,now10 he would declare1 8no little of the labor of visiting and courting is voluntarily assumed by the ladies themselves1 through ten thousand modest expedients which their ingenuity has invented2 and should this prove insufficient1 why1 it is the easiest matter in the world to pick up a wife on any day of the year upon any highway in the country40 ,concluding his bachelor prejudices to be real1 they quite naturally induced him to believe that in the domestic affairs of this magnificent mansion1 he could see the fruits and consequences of marriage in their true and proper light4 ,fortune1 however1 was inclined to deal more favorably with him1 and his attention was arrested by a handsome young man who hurried from the building as if anxious to escape the unpleasant sounds of the voice within4 ,peter followed him as he walked leisurely and contentedly along1 until he came to his residence1 which was a small1 yet handsomely arranged and neatly furnished building4 ,as the young man opened the door1 his pretty young wife was the first to meet and welcome him with her cheerful countenance and happy smiles1 and then they so lovingly embraced each other1 that ,peter's heart1 though long a stranger to such feelings1 impulsively began to respond to theirs4 ,he turned away1 perhaps to check its beatings1 but now affirms he did so simply to resolve this astounding mystery2 for it was his firm conviction1 based upon his own extensive observation1 that marriages were formed with no other design than that of providing for the parties a proper and convenient person with whom to fight and quarrel whenever inclination prompted4 8,it was well to turn away10 replied the pert young lady before alluded to1 8for your eyes should never be permitted to feast upon so holy a scene4 ,like all of your bachelor kin1 you #8are not worthy to see a man first in the morning1' as the saying of the ,benjins used to have it4 ,the unhappy ,dido1 who pronounced you a pack of brutes1 spoke only the truth2 and you deserve no better fate than that decreed by the ,spartan ruler1 who ordained that all of your species should be excluded from the sports and dances of the women1 and compelled to run up and down the ,forum1 unclad and freezing1 singing songs in dishonor of themselves40 8,surely10 replied ,peter1 8rather than endure so rigorous a discipline or punishment1 each of us would follow ,luther's jest1 and carve unto himself an obedient wife out of a block of stone2 or if that would not suffice1 perhaps profit by the example of ,henry ,,viii41 and #8put his neck into the yoke1 as the only remedy1' though the spouse provided for him should prove to be nothing but #8a great ,flander's mare4'0 ,when ,peter again looked upon the young couple1 they were comfortably seated together1 and both seemed still to enjoy the 8tender caress0 just as much as they could have done in their wooing days2 but this was so contrary to his previous observation1 and so conflicted with his theory1 that he sadly misinterpreted their conduct4 ,he had forgotten the advice of a friend who had repeatedly warned him against indiscriminately venturing opinions upon matters concerning which he was entirely ignorant1 lest he might find frequent cause to repent of his errors2 for should he happen to be right once in a hundred times1 he would certainly be more fortunate than the rest of mankind generally are4 ,he accordingly gives it as his settled opinion1 that these two visions of his dream were so addicted to such demonstrations of affection that they could not avoid indulging in them1 nor be very particular towards whom they were exhibited4 ,such practices1 ,peter declares1 are so very common2 and he even presumes to account through them for the habits of tenderness which some married people happen to acquire4 ,he could1 therefore1 not well decide which were the most blessed--this apparently well satisfied couple1 or the pair he had seen at the splendid mansion1 under the lowering of a domestic storm4 ,when ,peter emerged from the cottage1 he came into a dreary street1 studded with rows of dilapidated houses on either side1 each of which seemed to give ample evidence of the wretchedness existing within4 ,here he encountered three 8ministers of mercy10 who visited this locality on pretence of relieving the wants and distresses of the people4 ,their holy mission at once arrested his attention1 and claimed his regard4 ,how happy the influence of charity1 reflected he1 coming like the sweet sympathy of angels to bless this suffering community4 ,it was a maxim of ,plato1 that the 8end and aim of all human actions is some good20 and in no other channel can more be accomplished than in the one in which these seemingly worthy men appeared to be engaged4 ,who can ponder upon the mission of the noble vivandiere1 the providence of the ,french soldier1 as he sees her following the camp1 extending to the weak and weary1 the disabled and fatigued1 the hand of help and hospitality1 without feeling how small are all things compared with human sympathy and love8 ,her self-sacrificing and sublime benignity1--attending the rough warrior in his danger1 relieving him when in want1 aiding him when in distress1 ministering to him in sickness1 tenderly raising him when he falls upon the field of carnage and providing a place of safety1 binding his wounds with her salves1 her balsams1 and her rolls of soft linen1 and freely sharing her delicacies1 her smiles1 and her good wishes1--gives us a foretaste of that eternity of bliss which shall be the just reward of the good1 after a separation from the blighting struggles1 and contentions1 and jealousies of human life4 ,how well for the world were each a vivandiere1 alike in peace and in war6 ,what suffering would be driven from our midst1 what misery averted1 what wretchedness reclaimed1 what happiness dispensed around6 ,peter imagined he here saw an imitation of her example1 and it acted like a charm upon his easy nature4 ,how sad1 then1 was the sudden change of his feelings when he discovered his mistake1 and ascertained that these were nothing but shrewd pretenders after all1 who had succeeded1 by cunning and hypocrisy1 to secure somewhat of a reputation for honesty and charity4 ,affecting religiously to help the poor1 they were only magnanimously helping themselves1 at the expense of the little generosity left in the community4 ,how often1 thought he1 do people obtain credit for possessing a 8big heart0 just because they have none at all8 ,peter was no longer inclined to follow these unworthy administrators of the public bounty1 and turning round he beheld a small1 hump-backed individual1 who at once excited his interest4 ,there was something peculiarly repulsive in this man's countenance1 which invariably prompted all who came in contact with him to put their hands into their pockets and their fingers upon their purses4 ,peter was not long in ascertaining that he was a broker and usurer1 who1 following his profession in the midst of these poor and humble creatures1 seemed to fatten upon their poverty as does the vulture upon its unfortunate prey4 ,whenever ,peter relates this incident of his dream1 he declaims with all the vehemence he possesses4 ,these inhuman and unfeeling wretches1 he declares1 are the most formidable servants of the devil1 and always inherit his qualities to so eminent a degree that no stranger could distinguish the servants from the master4 ,as the hawk pounces upon the helpless and trembling little sparrow1 they fasten their greedy talons upon the tatters of a ragged dress with inextricable clutch2 and as the savage beast licks the gore of its victim1 they suck the blood of theirs until crimson to the dewlap and purple to the elbows4 ,pandora let loose her horde of evils to trouble the world1 said the heathens4 ,the ,christian acknowledges that ,god has not so restricted the power of ,satan as to prevent him from sending his scourges upon the earth1 of which he has liberally availed himself by establishing his agents in the form of usurers and brokers in every section of the world4 ,of old1 they were justly regarded as little better than murderers1 and decidedly worse than thieves2 for1 says ,cato in ,cicero1 8our ancestors enacted in their laws1 that a thief should be condemned to pay double1 but an usurer quadruple40 ,the ,jew has at least bigotry and prejudice1 inherited from his fathers for nearly two thousand years1 to offer as an excuse when he robs the ,gentile1 and yet it is a common saying1 8that every day he takes an oath to do what he can to cheat the ,christians20 but these indiscriminately plunder heathen and ,christian1 exhibiting no emotion beyond a satanic chuckle over their success4 ,they are ravenous pests who speculate upon poverty and misfortune1 and digest the misery around them with savage glee--knaves who1 for want of souls themselves1 seek to crush the souls of the unfortunate and distressed1 apparently finding happiness in their agonies1 and nectar in their tears4 ,ah6 thought ,peter1 what worthy denizens of the pit they will make1 and what amusement they will afford to their master in their efforts to prey upon each other1 for doubtlessly they will follow their unrighteous trade1 as the only one fit to be pursued in hell6 ,easy ,peter regarded this as truly an afflicted street when he was drawn from the usurer to the rendezvous of the speculators4 ,amid the wretchedness and poverty of this locality1 there was an abundance of ill-gotten gain1 as he had sufficient opportunity to witness4 ,these new visions of his dream had assembled for the purpose of making a renewed effort in their swindling schemes1 and were engaged in revolving their plans with evident satisfaction4 ,brigands have their leaders1 pirates their captains1 and these1 brigands and pirates sanctioned by society1 had their master spirit too4 ,the common bands of freebooters generally select as their chiefs the most desperate and daring amongst them--these had elevated the most heartless to equal distinction4 ,peter watched them framing their lies1 and fortifying them with plausibility1 and pronounced the loathsome mass a fit dish for public gullibility to digest4 ,here were schemes for particular purposes and special individuals--there preparations for each1 however large or limited his means4 ,their enterprises had but a single basis3 a design to enrich themselves1 at whatever cost to their fellows4 ,this one end had swallowed up every principle of integrity1 every entity in morals1 every sympathetic impulse of the heart4 ,the misery and distress1 the tears1 and suffering1 and despair1 necessarily occasioned by their deceptions1 and frauds1 and robberies1 never disturbed their quiet1 but were simply regarded as pleasing comicalities to amuse them whilst pocketing the plunder4 ,homer assures us that the profession of the robber was regarded as glorious by some of the ancients1 and ,plutarch informs us that amongst the ,spaniards his exploits passed for gallant adventures4 ,though we punish the bold and daring rogue1 without making the least allowance for his hair-breadth escapes1 the treacherous plunderer in our midst1 who does not even possess the redeeming trait of physical courage1 receives our countenance and esteem4 ,as ,peter was witnessing this excellent illustration of selfishness and thievery1 which a credulous people first pay dearly for and then honor1 their operations were interrupted for a moment by the entrance of the ,chief1 or ,president of the band1 in company with a well-to-do looking individual1 on whose arm he was affectionately leaning4 ,they had been friends for many years1 and through the false yet plausible representations of the former1 the latter soon fell into the snare4 ,unsuspectingly he became the victim to their designs1 and though he left perfectly content1 another revolution of the earth was certain to find him a bankrupt4 ,it is true1 reflected ,peter1 that villany is often disguised under the garb of friendship1 and where we most confide suspicion is most required4 ,peter now heard a great noise in the street1 and hurrying to the place from whence it proceeded1 he witnessed a grand display of pugilistic skill4 ,what had given origin to the quarrel he was unable to ascertain1 yet so bitter was the rage of the antagonists1 who numbered some dozen or more1 that it had already lasted a considerable time1 nor did it seem to be in the least abating4 ,there were but two spectators to the scene1 one of whom appeared to be much frightened and concerned1 and was using every persuasion to pacify the heated combatants4 ,the other looked calmly on1 perfectly composed at what he saw1 until unable to contain himself any longer1 he approached his friend and very mildly addressed him3 8,sir1 ,i crave your pardon for having been amused at your generous but mistaken efforts to quell this foolish quarrel4 ,you must know that there are those in this strange world of ours who have totally blunted every feeling of refinement1 and utterly destroyed whatever moral sensibility they may once have possessed4 ,upon such your honest appeals are always in vain4 ,that they should not be entirely placed beneath mortality1 however1 ,god has kindly endowed them with a physical sensibility1 through which you may often successfully reach their depraved minds and obdurate hearts4 ,you have appealed to the moral feelings of these rioters to no purpose2 and now1 to demonstrate what ,i have said1 let me ascertain what impression can be made upon their physical sensibilities40 ,thus saying1 he threw off a portion of his cumbersome apparel1 and giving notice that he had watched their proceedings for upwards of an hour1 he declared that the battle must now be ended4 ,this proving ineffectual1 he entered into their midst1 and making several 7to use a technical phrase17 8feel the unpleasant weight of his fists10 he soon dispersed the boisterous crowd4 ,an odd mode1 thought ,peter1 of making peace1 yet in this instance a very effectual one4 ,immediately after quiet had been restored1 the street suddenly became very populous1 and ,peter's attention was arrested by the occupant of a splendid conveyance1 who was industriously engaged in answering the polite recognitions that greeted him from every side4 ,that this was a personage of no little distinction seemed so evident that ,peter asked of the first passer-by what place of trust or honor he filled to such general satisfaction4 ,the inquiry simply elicited the information that he was a private gentleman1 who had succeeded in amassing great wealth by taking usury from the poor1 and selling worthless stocks to all whom he could deceive into a purchase4 ,he was but one of many illustrations of what ,juvenal has written1 8,that sins alike unlike rewards have found1 ,and whilst this villain's hang'd1 the other's crowned40 ,though every one knew him to be a rogue and a thief1 the good condition in which his practices had placed him1 secured public obeisance4 ,what a multitude of sins1 thought ,peter1 can be covered by a coach1 and what monstrous respect we extend to the knave when blessed with the smiles of fortune6 ,turning from the occupant of the coach1 ,peter beheld a singularly ludicrous1 but withal a very distressing spectacle4 ,a poor1 poverty-cursed creature was dying of starvation1 whilst a wealthy gentleman1 who had been pitying him for days1 was tenderly bending over him and deploring his great distress1 but could not so much open his heart as to reach into his well-filled purse and draw forth a paltry dollar to give relief4 ,strange1 thought ,peter1 that men will whine1 and fret1 and lament1 over human misery and suffering1 and yet so fastly clutch a shilling as not to use it freely in obtaining aid and giving succour4 ,as ,peter was gazing upon this unhappy scene1 a smiling little gentleman crossed his path1 whom he was now compelled to follow4 ,this interesting individual appeared to be the friend of all whom he encountered1 being exceedingly social and affable4 ,his friendly greetings were always returned with the same politeness1 though frequently with much less affection4 ,he had acquired a great reputation for benevolence1 which so elicited ,peter's esteem that he was pleased with every mark of attention exhibited towards him4 ,it was a maxim of the ,stoics that 8men were1 for the sake of men1 brought into the world1 that they might assist and benefit each other10 and ,peter fancied he here saw one1 at least1 who lived up to this magnanimous aphorism4 ,this good opinion1 however1 was suddenly changed upon reaching his residence and discovering that he was the head of a mongrel banking institution1 and so well adapted to his business that he experienced little difficulty in defrauding and plundering his customers1 even whilst swearing how much he designed to befriend them4 ,he was extremely pleasant to all in front of the counter1 and though profusely lavish and exceedingly fair in promises1 these were only made to afford him amusement in devising the most ingenious modes in which to break them4 ,he had long robbed the ,state of its just portion of the dividends1 used the funds of the institution in fraudulent transactions1 and placed them out secretly at usury4 ,after thus plundering thousands1 he very generously gave a little of the booty in charity to the poor4 ,how very easy it is1 thought ,peter1 to win a good name1 if you but know how to play the hypocrite behind a fortune4 ,when ,peter emerged from the bank1 his eyes encountered a character whose odd appearance at once challenged his notice4 ,he seemed to 8take the world extremely easy10 being quite philosophic in his indifference to passing events1 yet prided himself upon always rendering full justice to mankind1 and their good and evil practices1 their virtues and their vices1 their errors and their follies4 ,peter ascertained that he had been suddenly raised1 by some fortunate occurrence1 from abject poverty to considerable wealth4 ,the cruel manner in which he had been neglected when poor by many whose flatteries now daily greeted him1 had somewhat soured his disposition2 and although he was generous to those who had once befriended him1 he felt little sympathy for the rest of the species4 ,peter learned that he had engaged to give to a stranger1 who contemplated removing his residence to that place1 some knowledge of the people1 their character and habits4 ,nothing could have been more gratifying to ,peter ,easy1 so he kept close to his heels until he arrived at the corner of one of the principal streets1 the place appointed for their meeting1 where he found the stranger in waiting4 ,there1 said he to the stranger1 as a poor1 though apparently happy individual passed by1 is a personation of honesty4 ,with such a man1 the old peasants used to say1 8one may safely play at mora in the dark40 ,this1 however1 is a very questionable compliment in our day1 and has brought him nothing but poverty as his reward1 than which few evils could be greater under our present social organization4 ,possessed of a good nature1 and feeling a proper interest in the welfare of his friends1 he never refused to extend his helping hand1 until he has been placed in the deplorable condition of being compelled to hunt for aid himself4 ,a task1 thought ,peter1 which ,pluto should have devised for human punishment1 instead of providing a hades4 ,the short gentleman1 continued he1 who has just passed1 is an honored and skilful follower of a profession which has acquired considerable note in the world1 though now it must be practiced secretly4 ,what has occasioned this interdict is not easily discovered4 ,should you say to that gentleman that an improved moral public opinion caused it1 he would merrily take your arm1 and by leading you to a number of highly respectable resorts1 soon show you how much1 at least in practice1 the majority is on the other side4 ,it is said of the old ,germans1 that in their passion for gaming1 they often staked their persons upon a die1 and if unsuccessful1 patiently became slaves4 ,the world has made of human life nothing but an uncertain game1 in which the shrewdest cheats frequently obtain the greatest honor4 ,no wonder1 then1 that many who would not purchase heaven by a little inconvenience1 never hesitate to follow in the ,german's wake1 profiting if successful1 and enduring if unlucky4 ,that gentleman's skill has thus far saved him4 ,when he first came amongst us1 one of his bachelor kin was reputed wealthy1 whilst he was designated as the only heir4 ,notwithstanding his professional practices1 which were of course not taken into account1 he married a most respectable citizen's daughter1 who had long been angling for an heir3 but the bargain has proved an unprofitable one after all4 ,his wealthy kin1 becoming intimate with his pretty housekeeper1 eventually married her--thus establishing a different order of succession4 ,ah1 thought ,peter1 8the best laid plans o' men and mice gang aft aglie10 and the foolish dreams of fickle maidens often end in a life of good repentance4 ,yonder1 sir1 is another professional gentleman1 but his profession is of a different cast4 ,he mistook his calling1 and without possessing any brain1 desired to become a lawyer1 but has failed even to make a tolerable pettifogger4 ,i am assured that his teacher1 who swore that his skull was so 8miserably thick0 that scarcely an idea could be battered into it1 constantly importuned and urged him to venture upon some learned profession1 having been fully persuaded1 from observation1 that the stupidity which he so eminently possessed1 was one of the most essential qualifications for such an undertaking4 ,i have advised him to turn his attention to medicine1 as being better suited to his calibre1 and in which he might perhaps prove more prosperous1 or at least find greater security for his deficiencies4 ,he still clings to his profession1 however1 and having thus far maintained his dignity by constant calls upon his acquaintances1 he is now prepared to cheat them all4 ,a practice1 thought ,peter1 quite common1 but no one need expect to pass through the world without contributing his quota towards supporting the drones that are in it4 ,there1 sir1 you may rest assured you see a moral man4 ,never mind his rags1 for you must know that young men1 morality1 and fine linen1 seldom go together in this world1 where fathers invite libertines to their houses1 where mothers welcome the attentions paid to their daughters by noted debauchees1 and where young maidens themselves prefer a smile from wealthy licentiousness to a nod from virtuous poverty4 ,though he is neither ,godwardly nor manwardly crooked1 which should secure him esteem in a world of such great pretence to excellence1 he has sufficiently experienced that virtue1 when contrasted only with its present social rewards1 is but an 8empty name1 a phantom1 an abject slave1 exposed to the insults of fortune10 as the dying ,roman ,stoic has declared4 ,he has been tempted enough1 but relying upon the self-approval which has never abandoned him1 this has only made him a more shining example4 ,i proclaim to you1 upon better authority than my own1 that there is a resting place provided for the troubled1 and that men like he will inherit it4 ,thanks1 thought ,peter1 for the happy prospect of adding another to the names in my little volume4 ,here it must be explained that ,peter had long kept a small book1 in which he had written the names of all whom he personally encountered during his life1 and who1 he supposed1 might stand a respectable chance of profiting by the exchange of worlds to be made at their last gasp2 but thus far he had occasion to call it into requisition only on three several occasions4 ,the third time1 however1 having discovered his own deception1 he used it to amend by erasing one of the names previously registered there4 ,you see yonder group of three3 the one is a petty printer1 the other an unscrupulous politician1 and the third an independent voter4 ,altogether there is wit enough amongst them to make one tolerable fool1 and heart enough to make one paltry villain4 ,the first endeavors to persuade the public that the second is an honest and patriotic citizen1 for which he receives the common rewards of the political toady3 a pleasant smile and lavish promises to begin1--a bitter curse1 worse treachery1 and a parting kick1 to end2 the other has already been in office for a time1 and has stolen sufficient for another campaign2 whilst the third is just preparing to increase his shouts for the good of the country1 for which he demands a greater indulgence to his appetites4 ,the palate is a marvellous channel through which to obtain distinction and preferment1 an easy manufactory of good opinion1 extorting pledges of eternal friendship with astonishing rapidity1 and clinching a kind conclusion with emphatic precision4 ,the old maxim has it1 that 8you may easily pin down a fellow's nose to a full table10 and much of the success and distinction in the world has no better basis4 ,the aspirant yonder knows full well how to avail himself of this one of our good-natured imperfections1 and having duped the people once1 through its aid and the assistance of his companions1 this success has emboldened him to make another effort4 ,beware of them all1 for though they may be loud in their declamations and vociferous in their patriotic demonstrations1 they still answer ,seneca's description1--8their liberty consists principally in stuffing their bellies0--and may yet incur the general ridicule instead of obtaining the public plunder4 ,the most serious public matters1 you know1 are often made the merest farces1 and the frequent promotion of knaves as often incurs no paltry penalties1 as you may learn from that red-faced individual approaching this way4 8,mankind10 says an old philosopher1 8are not so happy1 as that the best things shall have the most patrons and defenders20 and notwithstanding the habits of that officer1 he has been elevated to the chief position of this place1 and now sits in judgment upon all offenders4 ,his first morning task is to meet his friends at the 8,stag's ,head0 yonder1 his second to feast upon and imbibe the wherewith to maintain his ruddy hue1 and his third to reel to his office1 open his judicial council1 and dispose of the drunken or offending creatures who may have been taken into custody during the night1 not so much for ill behaviour as to provide a paltry fee for the police4 ,of course1 a police whose rewards depend upon the number of unfortunate creatures that may fall into their clutches1 cannot be remarkably cautious upon whom they exercise their authority1 nor measure personal freedom by any very exact or liberal scale4 ,nothing beyond the prospect of a few picayunes1 thought ,peter1 is required to make men's vision double1 and cause them to discover heinous offences where the disinterested and humane only see matter for merriment or pity4 ,here comes a peculiar organization of human qualities4 ,avarice1 prodigality1 and falsehood1 are that man's principal characteristics--a combination of inconsistent vices which make him rather a petty fool than a sensible knave1 to which latter distinction he seems to aspire4 ,to day he will clutch a shilling with a grasp so powerful that nothing can extort it1 and to-morrow he will contract a debt to gratify the most paltry vice that may move him4 ,should he happen to get into your debt upon such an occasion1 he will not be at a loss for lies to evade your demand4 ,when ,mareschal de ,rochelaure was accused of taking part with the ,duke of ,mayenne1 he answered the king that he 8did not follow the duke1 but his own money1 for his debt would be but in a desperate condition1 if he did not stick close to his debtor40 ,your tenacity in sticking close to that man would only extort from him the same falsehood a thousand times1 and if detected and reproached1 he would coolly ask you whether you were so cursed a fool as to believe him6 ,he never enjoys a hearty laugh1 save when he has duped some unsuspecting individual who may have been induced to confide in him4----,you need not be surprised at his quick and sudden disappearance around the corner2 for yonder comes his especial friend1 the collector1 who has caused him to tell more lies than a dozen of satan's imps could register in a year1 and make more clumsy dodges than could be chronicled in a volume as large as a quarto ,bible4 ,of all dreaded things in our place1 that collector is the most dreaded4 ,he is a clever1 sociable1 and amusing fellow1 who first puts you in a happy humor by his joviality1 and then draws the money from your purse before you are aware of it4 ,he was quite a favorite a few years ago1 his society being universally courted1 but since he has engaged in his present employment every body dodges and runs from him4 ,my dear sir1 if you wish to preserve your friendly intercourse with a neighborhood1 never become a collector2 but should you ever be beset with more friends than you know what to do with1 ,i know of no honorable process by which you can so easily get rid of them as by commencing this troublesome business4 ,however brave a people may be1 reflected ,peter1 they have never yet had the courage boldly to face a bill1 and many who had laughed danger in the face1 skulked like cowards into the darkest corner upon beholding the simple shadow of a creditor4 ,you observe yonder lynx-eyed individual moving slowly along4 ,he sees all that is passing within vision around him4 ,his two eyes seem to answer the purposes of a hundred1 and are constantly in motion4 ,although everything within their range falls under their quick and penetrating scrutiny1 they behold nothing to admire or to make him glad4 ,they might as well gaze upon an utter blank1 and certainly he would experience more comfort should they recognise only a wide and dismal waste instead of prosperity and happiness4 ,he is as despicable a victim of envy as the world ever saw1 which simply moves him to hate the success of those around him1 and repine at their happiness4 ,he can only find gratification in their distress and joy in their calamities4 ,a tinge of envy1 however much descried1 is sometimes productive of good results1 for ,i have known it to prove an incentive to exertion where all else had failed2 but when permanently retained1 it becomes the powerful and fertile cause of hypocricies1 lies1 deceits1 treacheries1 slanders1 annihilating every good quality in nature1 and yet unsatisfied1 still adding fuel to its evil ones4 ,that man would not hesitate to blast the qualities of your brain1 merely because he cannot bear your superiority2 nor would he pause to ruin you in your possessions1 although he should not derive the least profit from it4 ,whilst1 however1 he discovers pleasure in the ruin alike of those above and below him1 he finds a vulture in his evil passion1 which1 8like iron over-run with rust1 not only defiles1 but destroys himself continually40 ,it is well1 reflected ,peter1 that passions which can only experience delight in the evil fate of others1 should likewise make a meal upon their possessor1 and that whilst he smiles upon the calamities of the unfortunate1 his smile should be but an expression of his inward torture4 ,there you may recognise a bald-pated knave1 whose age1 instead of preserving him from the snares of the young1 only seems to encourage and embolden him the more4 ,he is in company with his son-in-law1 to whom he once refused to give his daughter's hand in marriage1 for reasons which he did not care to make known either to her or his household4 ,the vigilance and curiosity of those less interested1 however1 soon succeeded in ascertaining them1 and the discovery afforded no little amusement at his perplexity4 ,the chief priests and scribes were not in a greater quandary when they had the choice to say 8yea10 and be convicted of their baseness1 or 8nay10 and be stoned by the people4 ,he had too often met the aspirant to his daughter's hand at places of resort where none of our community who values his moral character is likely to go4 ,peter was somewhat at a loss here1 yet he could not help reflecting that the father who visits places of crime1 is in a very ridiculous dilemma when compelled to make use of his personal knowledge and his own dishonor to preserve the reputation of his family4 ,see there--worthy patterns of a gentleman and lady4 ,he is an honest and faithful husband1 and she an affectionate and virtuous wife4 ,they love wisely and well1 live happily in each other1 and are models to all who know them4 ,make them your friends1 for the very atmosphere in which they move is worth more than all the attention a thousand such as have yet passed us could bestow4 ,the lord who loves his lady truly1 and ever keeps unbroken the faith he has plighted to her1 becomes as much an example to the world as a joy to his wife2 and the lady who never forgets her affection and allegiance to her lord1 is so much superior to the common woman that to him she always seems an angel out of ,paradise4 8,an honest man10 said old ,simonides1 8can have nothing in this world better than a good wife10 and surely an honest woman can ask no higher blessing than a good husband4 ,you see such in those two1 and may well seek their friendship and profit by their excellencies of character and correctness of habits4 ,ah6 thought ,peter1 a happy oasis in the desert of matrimonial life1 still inspiring reverence for the institution1 though it be made the fickle plaything of the world1 its common game of heedless chance and hazard4 ,there1 sir1 in that old man you see an impersonation of prejudice1 a quality not inaptly defined as 8the spider of the mind1 filling it with cobwebs40 ,his opinion once set1 no power on earth can change it1 and beware that you press not too closely1 lest he adopt the convincing logic of ,frederick the ,great1 who1 it is said1 when argument failed to enforce his convictions1 had recourse to 8kicking the shins of his opponent40 ,guide his thoughts into one channel and they will follow it1 though it should lead him to the devil4 ,his prejudices frequently render him as obstinate as a mule1 and as often not as wise4 ,he still stands where his fathers stood before him1 and joined to the idols and follies of a past age1 he has no sympathies with the present4 ,if he thinks at all1 he does so simply to fasten upon his mind the more his cherished errors1 and your only policy is to 8let him alone40 ,never1 reflected ,peter1 undertake to straighten the crooked nature of the prejudiced man1 for to him all your facts are nothing but a stumbling-block1 and all your reasons simple foolishness4 ,yonder lame individual furnishes a story well illustrating the fickleness of the human heart4 ,though we may appear to be enraptured with a single feeling1 the intervention of a trifling circumstance not unfrequently entirely relieves us of it4 ,that gentleman courted a fair young maiden1 and eventually his attentions resulted in a betrothal4 ,an unfortunate accident soon after deprived him of a leg1 and being thus deformed1 his love required little time to extinguish her affection1 and accordingly broke her faith4 ,she had bargained more for a solid man than a sound head or heart1 and being disabled from complying with the conditions1 he was politely rejected4 ,thus good luck often springs from misfortune1 and he gained greatly by the loss of a limb4 ,what a world of cripples1 thought ,peter1 this would suddenly become1 could all who desired it be relieved by the loss of a leg of the ills from which his fortunate misfortune preserved him4 ,turn your eyes to the left1 and you may behold a fanciful pair approaching towards us4 ,that pursy and apparently very jovial fellow--mine host of yonder inn--keeps a resort for gentility1 and under the cover of respectability1 sends forth unnumbered evils to infest and afflict the community4 ,the practices of his house flourish admirably under the beauty of a fashionable exterior2 yet the pestiferous rottenness within could not withstand the eye of modern justice for a moment if disguised only in rags4 ,public morality in the case where gold is concerned1 is quite a different thing from that wherein simple copper is brought into the scale4 ,respectable crime easily escapes the keen vigilance of those who guard the public virtue1 whilst we are loud in their praises when some poor1 abandoned1 ,god-forsaken wretch is hurried to his doom amid the imposing show of a high morality and an even-handed justice4 ,that man may lavishly spread his fearful evils--the only things with which men appear to be truly bountiful--with unchecked freedom2 and whenever they press too heavily upon us1 a few plaintive groans will soon arouse the slumbering sentinels of the law4 ,powerful justice will sound its signal1 triumphantly make a brutal 8descent0 upon some paltry hut1 and drag its starving inmates to the slaughter4 ,well1 has not ,carneades pronounced his definitive sentence that 8justice is folly20 and what matters it whether ,i offend1 and some more unfortunate creature pays the penalty1 so that justice is appeased8 ,it must have victims1 and fate1 ill-fortune1 and poverty1 have not been miserly in providing them4 ,thus it is never at a loss for the means wherewith to preserve that reputation which ,tully thought so essential 8that even those who lived by outrage and villany could not subsist without at least its shadow or semblance40 ,that fortunate knave may prosper in his practices1 and though their fatal consequences may sometimes arouse our vengeance1 there never will be wanting those whose immolation will allay it4 ,his tall1 robust companion is a character--a perfect original4 ,he will hug1 and pet1 and caress you with the tenderness of a captivated maiden1 all for a picayune2 and when he has thus fondled it out of your possession1 having no prospect of realizing more1 he would as lovingly kick you out of doors for a ha'penny--thus making you as profitable a customer as the circumstances could possibly admit4 ,headlong and heedless withal1 his actions ever in advance of his thoughts1 he is a mass of locomotive matter1 tumbling about on the earth1 with no idea to accomplish1 no purpose to fulfil4 ,this is not the only one1 reflected ,peter1 who has1 by some comical dispensation of nature1 been placed outside of his orbit1 as if it designed to exhibit what a fickle whirligig can be made of man by unhinging his directing power4 ,look to that building yonder4 ,the gentleman who has just entered it is a modern reformer4 ,he railed against the evil habits of men1 and the sinful and dishonest practices of the world1 until sent to the penitentiary for having attached another man's name to a small piece of bankable paper4 ,the imitation was good1 but unfortunately for him history had chronicled the adventures of ,saavadra1 the famous and somewhat romantic nuncio of ,portugal1 and having failed1 in his mania for improvement1 to improve upon this noted forger1 he atoned for his unsuccessful attempt by faithfully serving the full period of his sentence4 ,he is now riding his hobby-horse of 8,reform0 again1 with even greater boldness than before4 ,this may be owing to the extra courage acquired1 or perhaps to the change effected in the times1 during the period which he devoted to solitary meditations4 ,the sledge-hammer mode of reform has since accomplished marvels and become highly fashionable2 but it is now greatly feared that many too charitable fellows1 in their exceedingly magnanimous efforts to drive the erring back from the brink of perdition1 will stand a very excellent chance of tumbling in themselves4 ,he has abandoned the task of persuading for the more exalted one of coercing1 which may prove more profitable2 but should he branch out a second time upon his own responsibility1 it is hoped he may realize his ideas of improvement by choosing some species of roguery wherein he shall leave no historical example unexcelled4 ,it is no uncommon occurrence of the ludicrous in life1 reflected ,peter1 to see those in whom the ordinary thief could not confide1 suddenly become reformers1 and find patrons for their presumption and fools to regard them as patterns of moral propriety4 ,note that gentleman and lady opposite4 ,he is her husband4 ,having seen his wife in dishabille the morning after his wedding1 and meeting her upon his return home at noon arrayed for public inspection1 it is currently reported1 he found her so much improved and beautified that he mistook her for a stranger1 and absolutely asked her of the whereabout of his spouse4 ,nature has been exceedingly kind after all4 ,if it has ordained that youth should fade1 it has generously furnished the material whereby a century can be made to assume the appearance of a score4 ,what matters it that old ,father ,cyprian thought all change the work of satan1 and pronounced it running counter to the will of ,god to paint or black the hair1 because he had read1 8,thou canst not make one hair white or black80 ,who cares for the declaration of ,tertullian1 that 8it is the devil that mounts the actors on their buskins1 in order to make ,jesus ,christ a liar1 who has said1 that no one can add one cubit to his stature80 ,they were both wofully mistaken1 and our ladies have most triumphantly refuted their errors1 by silently exhibiting that a hundred ,tophets could not supply imps enough to make half the changes and additions which they daily parade before our eyes4 ,it is marvellous1 reflected ,peter1 what artificial charms can be conjured up by those who properly understand the art of beauty2 and why should they fret and complain against fate1 when1 with paint1 powder1 and cotton1 they are constantly proving that their troublesome deficiencies were simply meant as so many kindnesses1 by leaving them at liberty to manufacture whatever hue and dimensions that might best please their fancies8 ,the young lady and gentleman who have just passed by1 seem to have arrested your attention4 ,they are intimate acquaintances1 and it is conjectured they will be something more in due time4 ,you heard her indignant remark upon the dissoluteness of that young man yonder1 a distant and ill-starred connexion of hers1 and her emphatic wish for an edict providing for the decapitation of all such reckless creatures4 ,her creed1 my dear sir1 if impartially carried into effect1 would scarcely permit a head to remain solidly upon the shoulders of a single citizen in the country2 and her companion1 though he does share her virtuous affections1 would be one of the first to despair for his own4 ,if shrewder and more cunning1 he certainly is no better than the individual who has elicited her censure1 though she knows it not4 ,her ignorance is blissful1 however deceptive4 ,should some superhuman agency1 thought ,peter1 suddenly reveal the truthful characters of ,cupid's followers1 how many confiding maidens would be startled at having admired the most knavish deceivers1 and how many foolish swains would stand aghast with horror at the dishonest treachery of their lady-loves6 ,in that young man approaching this way1 you may recognise somewhat of a philosopher4 ,you might as well attempt to scale the mountains of the moon as to persuade him that there was much real virtue in the world4 8,we are honest10 he argues1 8from convenience or policy1 and apparently moral from a fear of society1 which has established certain rules1 and is given to certain general opinions1 the violations of which are always attended with some difficulties or vexations4 ,the old ,romans had their censors1 whose chief business it was to inspect the morals of the citizens1 and could we1 by following some such example1 spread out before us the hidden conduct and practices of each individual1 the little of real conscience and truth1 substantial honesty and morality1 we should be able to detect1 might tempt us to abandon our moral code entirely4 ,or could we1 by a glance1 penetrate the past lives and habits1 and scrutinize the secret sins of all whom we encounter1 what a terrible blushing there would be in the world1 and how many would laugh in each other's faces6 ,many whose apparent honesty now claims your respect1 unable any longer to disguise their hypocrisy1 would only make merry over the numerous counterparts of themselves with whom they should constantly come in contact4 ,the virtuous ,thrasea spoke but the truth in his favorite maxim1 that #8he who suffers himself to hate vice will hate mankind2' for1 although all must pretend to virtue from a kind of social necessity1 it is a garment which they cast aside without a pause when rendered safe from detection1 ever faithfully illustrating the saying of ,agathias1 that #8virtue upon necessity is just as long lived as the fear that occasions it4' ,the world seems desperately determined to vindicate what its ,saviour has affirmed1 and no prophecy promises to be more fully realized than his sorrowful declaration that #8narrow is the way which leadeth unto life1 and few there be that find it4'0 ,such is a taste of the young man's opinions1 in which he is so firmly rooted1 that should you persuade him that the fate of the town depended upon ten righteous men to be found within it1 he would at once take to his heels1 and never pause until he was far out of danger4 ,whether there is not too much of correctness in his melancholy views1 you must determine for yourself4--,no very difficult matter1 reflected ,peter1 amid the many unpleasant examples that are destined daily to bring unwelcome aid to your judgment1 and exhibit to your gaze so many who seem but to struggle the hardest to obtain the greatest curses4 ,you will pardon the interruption1 said the stranger1 but my attention has been arrested by the counterfeit manikin suspended by the neck to the branch of yonder tree1 and my curiosity excited to know what fickle whim or fancy placed it there4 ,its import1 replied the other1 not endeavoring to restrain his merriment1 is very significant4 ,the female occupants of the adjoining houses have for some time been engaged in a bitter quarrel4 ,the intolerable scolding propensities of one of them1 common report avers1 caused her husband to resort to that effective mode of obtaining relief4 ,the cunning of the other1 in the progress of the quarrel1 has devised that silent but expressive expedient as an annoyance and remembrancer to her enemy1 and by replacing it as often as it is destroyed1 promises fair to be the conqueror in the end4 ,here you may recognise one of those silly or knavish creatures1 in whom it is difficult to tell whether the mule or the monkey predominates4 ,he knows but of one vice in the world1 and it is the subject of his constant denunciations4 ,he is ceaseless in his praises of honesty1 and as 8opportunity makes the thief10 according to the proverb1 he will probably preserve his reputation as long as he remains amongst those who know him4 ,it is given as a rule1 and in case you encounter him it may prove of service1 always to mistrust the man who too much prides himself upon possessing a certain quality1 and to be suspicious of him who constantly deals in vehement complaints against a particular vice4 ,such are generally weak in what they boast themselves strong1 and their darts are frequently directed against the very fault peculiar to themselves4 ,it is so1 thought ,peter1 even with the great world1 which ever descries its own practices1 and yet tenaciously continues in them1 as if loathe to part with such excellent causes to elicit its censure1 and such admirable escape-valves through which its wrath may freely ooze itself away4 ,there is an amusing and withal pitiable victim of a mistake4 ,he was a lodger at a public inn1 and rising early one morning1 he was mistaken for a burglar1 and received a terrible beating from his hasty and suspicious host4 ,to redress this injury1 he flew to the law--a very singular power to decide upon a mistake4 ,the landlord1 not thus to be outdone1 brought a more serious charge against him in retaliation4 ,the blind ,goddess1 whose determinations were ascertained by two intelligent juries1 very magnanimously gave each the benefit of the mistake1 and both found comfortable lodgings in the county prison4 ,there1 thought ,peter1 they had leisure at least to cool their sanguine tempers1 and reflect upon the frequent tendency of the merest trifles to grow into importance4 ,opposite1 you may see a genuine specimen of what the world calls a 8successful fellow40 ,he claims to be a proper person to reside upon this especial sphere of ,god's creation1 and bases his peculiar fitness upon two facts3 he is not encumbered with an extra amount of conscience1 nor is he restrained by any settled principles of virtue--two things1 he avers1 not well calculated to promote prosperity in a world where the right and wrong of human actions are so generally estimated by profit and loss4 ,he will never suffer on account of possessing too much of either1 both of which he regards as certain roads to poverty1 and consequently loss of the world's esteem4 ,to persuade you that he is doing you a service whilst plundering you1 he thinks the perfection of skill and ingenuity4 ,should he ever tempt you to enter into any of his promising schemes1 beware of his plausible representations1 for you may swear they only conceal a design to pick your pocket with your own consent4 ,no very uncommon occurrence1 reflected ,peter1 in a world where prosperity is made to depend upon a cunning address1 and where a shrewd head is so much preferred to an honest heart4 ,approaching us1 you may see a specimen of that sad human depravity so frequently encountered1 and whom the good morals of the virtuous public have generally indulged under the plea of necessity4 ,she was unfortunate recently in disturbing the peace of a very respectable locality1 and having thus over-stepped the bounds of that necessity which tolerated her1 she fell into the meshes of the law1 and gave us rather a funny illustration of the melancholy effect misfortune has upon friends4 ,her most punctual visitors1 whom she had always received so very graciously1 perhaps having a view to their circumstances and positions in society1 now repulsed her the most roughly1 and gave free vent to their virtuous indignation when she presumed to solicit their aid4 ,after experiencing this ingratitude and baseness1 she became seriously ill from the excitement2 and despairing of being again restored1 her repentant fears set her raving as if mad4 ,her disconnected revelations were watched with wonderful anxiety1 affording great amusement to some1 and as greatly exciting the fears of others2 but when she expressed it as a ,christian duty that a very minute account of her ill-spent life should be given1 she caused more genuine consternation than could have followed a siege of the town4 ,the fearful disclosures of a few dozen of her kind1 reflected ,peter1 in each city and town of the country1 specifically setting forth the names of their visitors and lovers1 could create more confusion than attended the marches of ,alexander1 and cause a panic perhaps only equalled by that of ancient ,rome when invaded by the barbarians4 ,turn1 however1 from this unwelcome picture1 and behold that fancy young man yonder4 ,he is too ignorant to be of any service in the position of life to which he pretends1 and too much inflated with his own conceit to render himself useful in a different calling4 ,between these not uncommon qualities1 he manages to trudge along1 cheating his tailor1 defrauding his landlord1 and swindling all who may be so unfortunate as to mistake his appearance for respectability and his pretensions for honesty4 ,how such palpable fools manage to maintain their stupidity upon the plunder of more sensible knaves1 is one of those inexplicable mysteries of life which few have attempted to determine4 ,we have repudiated the rule of ,aristotle1 that only those employments are to be reputed mean which render either the body or the soul unfit for the practice of virtue2 and by making certain pursuits a test of social standing1 and the neglect of all1 a sure index of respectability1 we have admirably succeeded in rearing a brood of vagabonds whom it would now be ungenerous to neglect4 ,thus1 perhaps1 they owe more to our indulgence and kindness than we are willing to acknowledge1 being content to endure an occasional swindle1 and in this silent manner atone somewhat for an evil which we have ourselves created4 ,it is so much easier1 reflected ,peter1 to tolerate some errors than to reform them1 and we are happily prepared to submit to their inconveniences if they will only do us the kindness a little to tickle our vanity4 ,look to the windows of yonder houses--two handsome females4 ,you may learn a salutary lesson by carefully contemplating their countenances4 ,the one has led a life of guilt--the other one of innocence and virtue4 ,look at their smiles3 what sadness there is in the one1 and what satisfaction there seems to linger around the other6 ,with the guilty1 a smile springs only from the lips2 with the good1 it pleasantly indicates and answers emotions of the heart4 ,see how vexed and restless the manner of the one1 and how easy and calm that of the other--a noble contrast between abandonment and graceful dignity4 ,the very bearing of the one indicates a knowledge of her degradation1 whilst that of the other firmly yet modestly asserts her equality and her claim to respect4 ,in their loneliness there1 you may clearly read the thoughts of each mirrored in her face4 ,what an expression of languor1 regret1 melancholy1 remorse1 agony1 despair1 you see in the one2 what quiet repose1 comfort1 content1 pleasure1 happiness1 joy1 is depicted in the other6 ,see in contrast1 a spectre of deep1 guilty sorrow1 peering out from the wrinkles and furrows which tell of fearful tempests and revulsions within1 and a calm placid vision beaming forth the life and buoyancy that speak only of the sweet serenity of the soul3 dark1 dreary1 desolate night1 filled with treacheries1 conspiracies1 murders1 sprites1 and hobgoblins1 and bright1 mellow sunshine1 awakening every impulse and arousing every feeling to chaste delights6 ,the terrors of guilt must indeed be fathomless1 if it mixes a remorseful recollection with every smile1 and tortures with mental anguish even the moments treasured for repose4 ,excitement cannot silence or drive thought from the brain1 and retirement cannot prevent the soul from shrinking from its own pollution4 8,all nature is too weak a fence for sin10 observes an ancient poet1 and 8hell itself can find no fiercer torment than a guilty mind10 remarks another4 ,whatever1 reflected ,peter1 may be the evil practices of the world1 it cannot avoid the furies which they invoke1 nor escape the terrors of their revenge4 ,ah6 see my worthy friend approaching4 ,he is a preacher1 and ,i believe a good man1 who loves his fellows1 and means all mankind well4 ,his head and heart1 however1 do not work well together--the one is as empty as the other is full4 ,well1 if the devout ,japanese can perform his devotions by machinery1 having his chu-kor constantly fixed in some running stream1 where it never ceases praying for the prosperity of his house1 why may not we go through ours with equal convenience8 ,we are told that our ceremonies seldom trouble our hearts1 and if so1 surely there is little reason why they should trouble our tongues or limbs4 ,some such reflection1 no doubt1 has induced our people to invent many fashionable and easy modes of getting into heaven1 for which they deserve lasting gratitude2 but then the ways of the ,lord are inscrutable1 and he has raised up a brood of stupid1 prosey1 old-women preachers to pest and afflict them4 ,they may make the sanctuary airy1 or shut out the chill1 together with their servants1 and then snooze away on soft1 easy cushions1 just as though it was the most paltry trifle to inherit the kingdom2 yet the ,lord is generous1 and will frequently remind them of their error by inflicting upon them the sermons of such stupid though good meaning servants as my friend here4 ,when1 therefore1 reflected ,peter1 we rightly understand the uses of 8bad preachers10 a very common and very equivocal complaint1 they reveal a design the wisdom of which it is sinful to censure4 ,the dumpy individual yonder1 wearing the badge of authority1 is a worthy constable4 ,like the great number of his class1 he is an excellent man for his calling1 wanting both heart and brain1 and being consequently little troubled with conscience or integrity4 ,every poor wretch1 whom misfortune has dragged beneath our compassion1 adds a trifle to his purse1 and immeasurably to his glory4 ,living on the world's depravity1 he seeks to deprave it the more1 that he may increase the profits of his trade4 ,under the plea of justice he is constantly outraging its holy decrees1 and instead of protecting society1 he has become one of the worst of its pests4 ,he will boast for hours of his shrewdness1 and gloat with wonderful exultation over the ruin of a victim to his formidable oath4 ,justice would be fearfully crippled without his excellent eyes1 whose vision neither doors nor masonry can shut out1 and rendered almost entirely powerless without his ears1 which happily possess the sharpness to detect the minutest particulars of a crime carried wonderful distances through the whispers of the wind4 ,though a score should surround him and witness an event1 he would hear more than their forty ears1 and surprise them all at the absolute worthlessness of their eyes1 when he came to narrate his tale in that convenient arena for the exhibition of his talents1 a criminal court4 ,like the pander in ,terence1 8to have the knack of perjury0 he considers a necessary accomplishment1 and he never fails to bring down his game when once fairly brought within the range of his oath4 ,ah1 reflected ,peter1 how many a poor wretch's fate has depended upon so excellent a swearer1 and no one pitied him6 ,in that slender young man you behold a miserable victim to his own base passions4 ,he moves along1 a loathing disgrace to himself1 encountering the contempt of all who have not fallen equally low in general esteem4 ,you will preserve your reputation by following their example1 and carefully avoiding him4 ,his evil habits have rendered him so exceedingly infamous that nothing less than the sudden acquisition of about fifty thousand dollars could make him a respectable man in the estimation of our community4 ,should fortune thus favor him1 you may consider the interdict removed1 and gain credit by doing obeisance alike to him and his sins4 ,what an excellent badge of character1 thought ,peter1 that can work such marvellous changes in public opinion1 and hide more faults and render invisible more defects than the mystic ring of ,gyges4 ,there is a poor fellow whose head has been turned by not properly inquiring into the good subject which engrossed his attention4 ,running wild in his good excitement1 he at last fancied he was blessed with extraordinary power1 and for a time labored with exceeding great industry in casting out devils6 ,he has now1 however1 abandoned the excellent work1 declaring that he found so many possessed that his efforts were rendered entirely useless1 and vowing that the harvest is still as great as it was ages ago1 and the laborers equally few4 ,no doubt1 thought ,peter1 he who shall undertake so laborious a task1 will have little time for idleness1 for to set all things right for eternity1 would require nothing short of eternity itself4 ,when nature made that man yonder1 it no doubt went outside of itself in search of additional material4 ,he is a compound too singular to have been made up entirely of its own qualities4 ,he practices medicine without being able to read2 plays the preacher and sometimes the prophet1 and occasionally acts the pettifogger4 ,by the one he pretends to save lives1 souls by the other1 and property by the third4 ,he prays vociferously and predicts astounding developments1 but never pays his debts2 he is vehement in his denunciations of falsehood1 but takes to lying quite naturally when it promises a fair remuneration2 he deplores the errors of the world1 and professes infallibly to drive away the charms of witches2 he denounces credulity1 and sees 8spooks20 he is a philosopher1 and pow-wows until exhausted in breath over all diseases too powerful for his remedies4 ,never entertaining more than one idea at a time1 he must be ruled by it1 no matter what it be or to what foolishness it may lead him4 ,to-night he may dream of some impossible event or marvellous discovery1 and to-morrow he will proclaim it as a settled fact or superhuman revelation4 ,he is constantly propounding schemes to revolutionize the opinions and change the manners and practices of the world1 and yet swears by his faith in predestination4 ,a mass of incongruities1 an embodiment of nonsense1 he nevertheless finds dupes who1 perhaps tired of existence1 will swallow his prescriptions1 meet their doom through his prophecies1 and go to ruin through his counsel4 ,well1 reflected ,peter1 many a man has prospered just because he was ignorant and stupid1 and where wisdom starves foolishness must often grow fat4 ,here you may behold a poor victim of misfortune1 and a melancholy illustration of how much human nature is capable of enduring4 ,from his boyhood he has been forced to encounter the terrors of adversity1 and submit to the agonies of poverty and want4 ,the thumps and cuffs1 he declares1 originally intended for equal distribution amongst several scores1 through some sad mistake1 have daily been heaped upon his single head1 nor could he dodge the most trifling bump4 ,unable to counteract his evil fate1 he eventually sought refuge against it by adopting the life of the soldier4 ,thus flying into the face of his destiny1 with the odds all against him1 he only aggravated it the more1 adding to his miseries and increasing his privations4 ,he has figured upon many a field of carnage1 but fortune has ever refused to send some stray ball to end his career4 ,abbas1 the ,persian king1 to prevent the indignities of his misfortunes from falling upon his wives1 commanded their heads to be cut off in case he lost the battle--certainly an infallible preventative4 ,not being disposed to apply so rigorous a remedy to obtain relief1 that unhappy creature has continued to submit to the fatalities he could not avoid1 and perhaps there are few evils in nature which he has not felt4 ,though he has won the reputation of a brave soldier1 it is the only thing he has ever gained from his countrymen1 save their ingratitude4 ,he has been to the wars1 and returned to beg his bread4 ,he has stood a faithful sentinel over his country's honor in times of danger1 and in its peace and prosperity he has hungered and thirsted1 and no one pitied him4 ,he has grappled with the foe1 and been victorious3 he has fought against his fate1 and it conquered him2 yet he is the same old patriot still4 ,it is said that the enjoyments of life always counterbalance its ills1 but he can present a tear for every pleasurable emotion he has ever experienced1 and a pang for every impulse of joy that has ever lighted up his soul4 ,there is1 reflected ,peter1 a hardness of heart in the world which sometimes seems directed against a single individual1 making his existence a fearful burthen and rendering even his hopes a terror to himself4 ,see there--an excellent humbug4 ,he pretends to science1 and under the pretext of enlightening our people1 he has visited our town4 ,to instruct the public is certainly an honorable employment1 but he is a miserable preceptor4 ,in the science to which he pretends he is a marvellous fool1 but as an imposter he is a cunning knave4 ,knowing his ignorance1 he wisely seeks to take advantage of the public curiosity1 and by working it into a state of itching excitement1 he effects more for himself than the most consummate skill or knowledge could attain4 ,his stupid lectures are nightly greeted by gaping crowds1 for which he is solely indebted to the fact1 that he has provoked the general inquisitiveness through the common and always effectual expedient--giving private lectures to the ladies6 ,arouse the morbid tastes of a community1 and the silliest mountebank will receive its encouragement4 ,what a happy and convenient thing is science1 reflected ,peter1 not only furnishing a sufficient excuse for all kinds of familiar discourse1 but also taking off our hands much unpleasant labor by giving currency to such magnanimous instructors4 ,here you may recognise an uncongenial creature who could not survive a single day without some object upon which to exercise his malice4 ,though he may never before have seen you1 you may rest assured he will report you a villain1 or something not far removed from one4 ,of course1 it is his especial business to know all concerning you and your possessions1 and his imagination will readily account for everything3 in such a manner1 too1 as to leave you little cause for self-esteem4 ,his only true delight appears to be in slander1 and he would barter heaven for a bit of scandal2 yet it were folly to endeavor to avoid him1 for he is not without numerous counterparts whom you could scarcely hope to escape1 though you should immediately quit the town4 ,should we now1 reflected ,peter1 revive the ancient punishment of the ,poles1 who publicly forced the slanderer beneath a table and there compelled him to bark three several times1 declaring that he 8had lied like a dog10 what a fearful and terrific yelling and howling would suddenly be set up in the world6 ,see yonder--a 8clever fellow40 ,he has managed to store his head with an abundance of old jokes and anecdotes1 which1 having formed an effectual barrier against anything else entering into it1 are ever at his service4 ,his tongue never flags1 which may perhaps be owing to the light burthens it is required to bear1 for he never troubles it to give expression to a heavy thought or weighty idea4 ,it is said that ,tithonus was transformed into a grasshopper on account of his inclination to talk1 but the same propensity has only succeeded in converting that man into a liar4 ,he can sing a song1 whistle a jig1 and although he may have talent to play a tolerable tune1 it must be confessed he plays a game at cards with much greater skill4 ,polite and affable1 he has the address to pass for a gentleman1 which1 together with a readiness to do their little errands and oblige their whims1 brought him into great favor with the ladies1 as you observe he is kindly recognised by every one who passes by him4 ,he has a happy faculty of adapting himself to the company into which he may be introduced2 and by long practice he has become so expert1 that he now finds no more difficulty in entertaining a circle of staid1 sober1 and inquisitive dotards with 8old wives' fables10 than in directing some licentious carousal4 ,amongst the gifts with which nature has blessed him1 none has proved of more service to him than his excellent stomach1 which seems to be perfect proof against the law of 8wear and tear40 ,he can keep you company at the table until you become stupid1 drink your health until you become drunk1 and then coolly furnish you with a lying excuse to avert the threatening frowns or pacify the angry rage of your wife4 ,his opinions and his conscience are alike pliable1 which enables him without trouble to suit himself either to your mind or heart1 or to both if required4 ,he will defend the prejudices and errors of the one with true friendly zeal1 and commend the good of the other with the enthusiasm of a saint1 or encourage its wickedness with the skill of a panderer4 ,whatever pleases you will be certain to delight him1 and he will soon be so assimilated to your tastes as to declare you his 8second self40 ,a rioting1 roistering life1 however1 best comports with his fancy1 and he is constantly leading some of his numerous friends into indecorous exploits or lawless adventures4 ,he swears the world was 8made for sport10 and why should he be as morose as an anchorite1 or shut himself up like some sleepy monk1 too drowsy to brush a fly from his nose8 ,then1 too1 he is so very liberal--not only generously sharing his pleasures with you1 but even providing you with excellent reasons why you should partake of them1 and reducing your most heinous offences into 8common1 every-day peccadilloes40 ,are you young1 he will persuade you that few faults or vices are so monstrous as to be denied a place amongst youthful follies2 and if old1 what could be wiser than to employ the little time remaining for you in the pursuit of pleasure and enjoyment8 ,freely mingling with all1 and never finding fault with any1 his accomplishments or traits of character have won for him the fine distinction of being a 8very clever fellow10--which to you may mean that he is an excellent and worthy man1 inclined to society and familiar colloquies2 whilst to another it would simply indicate that he is a silly and amusing clown1 or a shrewd and cunning villain4 ,well1 though such distinction may be highly honorable1 it has been courted by so many1 and is now so promiscuously conferred1 that ,i make it a rule always to look with caution upon him who wears it1 and only trust him in proportion to his cleverness4 ,easy ,peter heard nothing more1 for his attention was here arrested by a large1 overgrown youth1 who was leaning against a ponderous tree which had very magnanimously been spared from the axe1 in the progress of improvement1 for the benefit of weary and sweltering pedestrians4 ,this venerable relic of a past age1 still standing erect with its extended branches1 as if defying the inroads of time1 had long been a great favorite with all the lazy loungers of the place1 and its huge trunk1 to the height of some five or six feet1 presented a surface whose glistening and greasy smoothness could not have been imitated by any tradesman's skill4 ,many were the changes it had witnessed1 both in the old time and in the new1 and there was not a loiterer within miles around whose faults and foibles had not been exhibited beneath its sheltering branches4 ,here the idle personages of the town would congregate in knots and coteries1 detailing for the thousandth time their dry anecdotes1 stale jokes1 and wonderful traditions1 in many of which the aged tree itself bore so conspicuous a part that nothing but its constant and inflexible immobility could have satisfied you that it was not a moving1 active1 and sensible creature4 ,this happy retreat had become so very attractive indeed1 that many an unpleasant and unquiet home was abandoned for its more peaceful shades2 and numerous were the imprecations uttered against it by the ill-tempered dames of the neighborhood1 who1 rather than acknowledge a less creditable cause in their own tongues1 accused the unconscious tree of enticing away their husbands to the great annoyance and neglect of themselves4 ,if evil wishes could have blasted it1 it would not have survived a single hour2 and there was never a thunder cloud seen in the distance which was not hailed with many a prayer that the storm might terminate by casting its fragments and splinters to the winds4 ,though these viragoes could quickly raise terrific tempests around their husbands' ears which never failed to take effect1 the thunderbolts of nature had very wisely been placed beyond their reach2 and thus they may renew their vengeful imprecations and malignant wishes1 but the venerable tree continues to rear its towering form1 and their disobedient husbands still take their ease beneath its shady limbs4 ,it was one of these idle individuals whom ,peter now beheld1 and his appearance sufficiently indicated that he had inherited a full portion of the rewards usually attending the habits to which he was addicted4 ,his old1 weather-beaten hat admirably betokened that it had done good service in its time4 ,although the many misfortunes it had encountered1 and the narrow escapes it had made1 left some very visible impressions1 they had failed to deprive it of its entire brim and crown1 and the shreds that remained still adhered to each other with a tenacity that spoke eloquently of their former harmonious love4 ,his ill-conditioned apparel1 like a divided household1 evinced a strong disposition to mutiny and separate1 and though much had been done to keep it together1 evidently by his own unskilful hands1 it still obstinately resisted his kind endeavors4 ,rent pieces of what had once borne a resemblance to cloth dangled loosely about his ankles1 his knees and elbows1 refusing to be confined1 had broken through the tender barriers that had encased them1 and many an old patch about his person would flap and flutter as the soft breeze whispered by him4 ,these outward evidences of decay1 having penetrated no deeper than his garments1 exhibited his healthy and robust proportions in attractive and amusing contrast4 ,a smile of satisfaction1 which many of his more fortunate and prosperous neighbors might have envied1 only contributed to bring out his prominent lips in bolder relief1 and his countenance was radiant with that self-content which admires whatever is presented1 and finds no fault with anything but inconvenience and labor4 ,happily for him1 his rulers were more indulgent than ,draco1 the ,athenian law-giver1 who punished idleness with death1 and the laws under which he lived more lenient than those of the ancient ,gauls1 which imposed a penalty upon the young for exceeding the measure of their girdles1 because 8so large a paunch1 at such early years1 could proceed from nothing else but laziness and gormandizing40 ,blessed by having been born in more auspicious times1 he seemed fully aware of his better destiny4 ,leaning against the shady side of his venerable friend1 in whose mute companionship he so much delighted1 he was looking leisurely around1 as if engaged in taking the exact measurement of every object that met his vision4 ,his easy carelessness appeared to make him oblivious of the busy world1 being only occasionally disturbed as he gazed1 now upon some blackened chimney1 perhaps scenting the delicious odors of a grand ,epicurean feast in the ascending smoke1 then upon some stately mansion1 no doubt pondering upon the tempting yet unattainable luxuries preparing within4 ,the more ,peter contemplated this newly discovered subject1 the more did the apparent similarity in sympathies and habits to himself1 elicit his admiration4 ,there is no one1 thought he1 so eminently wise and philosophic as the genuine loafer4 ,whilst the rest of mankind are struggling and grasping1 losing to-morrow what they held with tenacious clutch to-day1 this idle philosopher looks calmly on and laughs at the butterfly chase4 ,he sees his fellows contending with bitterness and jealousy for a fancied good1 and beholds the only pleasure it could afford crushed in their own hands in their eagerness to attain it4 ,in the conflict around him1 the passions of men are arrayed against each other1 and the good sentiments of their natures compelled to yield before the concussions they encounter4 ,it is a struggle in which he sees the most vicious too often carry off the greatest prizes1 whilst none retires from the field without leaving a portion of his soul behind4 ,others may follow the alluring promises which tempt them1 and be carried away by the first surging wave of excitement that sweeps along1 he remains unmoved4 ,let the world go as it will1 he betakes himself to the sweet shade of some friendly tree1 and calmly1 though rudely it may be1 philosophises upon the vanities which dazzle other eyes and bedizzen other heads1 but never soften the bed of the grave1 nor promise repose beyond it4 ,he knows that heaven is not to be purchased by the fleeting things that charm the eye and gratify human vanity1 and the harmony of his spirits is never broken up in conflicts to possess them4 ,happily the dial of time moves on1 never too slow nor too fast for him1 and his even temper keeps him in a perpetual calm4 ,unmoved by the discord around him1 he remains content in his solitary leisure1 or quietly takes his ease with his companions1 furnishing a worthy illustration of genuine and perfect freedom4 ,even ,tully himself could not look upon that man as properly free who had not the privilege of sometimes doing nothing--a privilege rightly appreciated and justly exercised only by the loafer4 ,as ,peter was indulging in these and like reflections1 the vision upon which he gazed1 and which had occasioned them1 suddenly vanished4 ,the rustling of the leaves had aroused him from his slumber1 and behold6 all had been but a dream4 ,rubbing his eyes and collecting his wandering thoughts1 the only realities that greeted his returning senses were the hot sun above him1 whose burning rays1 no longer arrested by the shadow1 which had gradually moved in another direction1 had for some time been illuminating his countenance1 and the unpleasant recollection that the village and his home were still several miles distant4 ,to have his dreamy fancies thus dispelled by such a disagreeable transition1 at some other time1 might have urged him to the exhibition of no little ill-temper2 but now he had enough to occupy his mind in reflecting upon the diversified visions of his dream4 ,these he reviewed again and again1 until unable to submit any longer to that itching desire which so often disturbs the ease of poor mortals when they imagine they have something interesting to communicate1 he arose and slowly commenced the exceeding great labor of walking to the village4 ,he reached it at last1 just as the sun was sinking into the far west1 and panting from the heat1 more than from the exertion1 he again seated himself in front of the tavern4 ,he had added greatly to his store1 and at once commenced to detail the events of his dream1 and from that day to this he has faithfully continued to narrate them to every willing or unwilling listener4 ,m4 ,h4 ,,conclusion4 ,although the editor cannot see the least necessity for informing the readers of the 8,records0 that they have now reached the end of his book1 7a fact which they would so certainly have discovered without his aid17 his reverence for well-established precedents would not permit him to consider his volume fully completed without a 8,conclusion40 ,those who have thus far perused it1 must have observed that the papers it contains were the products of intervals of time stolen from the regular pursuits of their authors4 ,this1 however1 though it may be somewhat of an apology for the imperfections of the manuscripts themselves1 can afford no excuse for the editor4 ,he fully acknowledges his responsibility for all the faults of the book1 well knowing that he cannot be justified in thrusting it before a public already so terribly afflicted with the dregs of literature1 unless it shall contain something to amuse or instruct4 ,this reflection1 at one time1 overcame his determination to send the manuscripts to the publisher4 ,upon more mature deliberation1 however1 he blundered upon the conclusion1 that if this be not1 in fact1 the age of literary mediocrity1 our people have so much indulged it that it has1 in its bold effrontery1 risen to a premium and obtained greater 8success0 7to use a publisher's term17 than ever crowned the highest talent4 ,where brave men had failed1 the coward often succeeded1 and thus infused a boisterous and overflowing courage into the whole army of little patriots1 making them as presumptuous and pugilistic as the saucy cur which thinks the honor lies in attacking its superiors rather than in conquering them4 ,a similar cause1 it may be1 has produced like effects amongst authors1 and the editor is by no means certain that it has not been instrumental in emboldening him to send his volume forth upon its voyage4 ,however this may be1 he can now only bespeak for it the treatment which the reader may think it deserves--nothing more4 ,he might perhaps have made better selections from the stock on hand1 but he is not certain that this would have added to the attractions of the book4 ,he can only promise1 that upon the success of this volume of the ,records1 depends the fate of the rest--whether they shall be given to the world1 or remain in the murky receptacles of the ,old ,association4 ,,the ,,end4 ,transcriber's ,note ,in a few cases1 obvious errors in punctuation have been corrected4 ,page #bi3 8and especialy with such0 changed to 8and especially with such0 8,impelled by an irresistable0 changed to 8,impelled by an irresistible0 ,page #df3 8by the irresistable teachings0 changed to 8by the irresistible teachings0 ,page #ej3 8and ,montagne observes0 changed to 8and ,montaigne observes0 ,page #hf3 8fully ackowledged the devil0 changed to 8fully acknowledged the devil0 ,page #if3 8we rightly understaud0 changed to 8we rightly understand0 ,page #ajd3 8of their native cotemporaries0 changed to 8of their native contemporaries0 ,page #aee3 8nor cooly exchange0 changed to 8nor coolly exchange0