,illustration3 ,woman with two children ,,etiquette ,,for ,,little ,,folks4 ,,susie ,,sunbeam',s ,,series4 ,,boston3 ,g4 ,w4 ,,cottrell1 ,,publisher4 #cf ,cornhill4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahef1 ,,by ,j4 ,q4 ,,preble1 ,in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,united ,states for the ,southern ,district of ,new-,york4 ,stereotyped by ,,nesmith ,,teall1 #bi ,beekman ,street4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,little ,,folks4 ,,rules ,,for ,,good ,,behavior ,,at ,,home4 ,never enter the house with your hat on1 and always bow to any strangers you may meet at home4 ,if you pass by your parents at any place1 where you see them1 either by themselves or with company1 always bow to them4 ,if you wish to speak to your parents1 and see them engaged in discourse with company1 draw back1 and leave your business till afterwards2 but if it is really necessary to speak to them1 be sure to whisper4 ,never speak to your parents without some title of respect1 as ,sir1 ,madam1 c4 ,dispute not1 nor delay to obey your parents' commands4 ,go not out of doors without your parents' leave1 and be sure to return by the limited time4 ,never grumble1 or show discontent at any thing your parents appoint1 speak or do4 ,if any command or errand is given you to perform1 do it with alacrity4 ,bear with meekness and patience1 and without murmuring or sullenness1 your parents' reproofs or corrections1 even if it should sometimes happen that they are undeserved4 ,never make faces or contortions1 nor grimaces1 while any one is giving you commands4 ,never take another's chair1 if it be vacated for a short time2 it is impolite4 ,never quarrel with your brothers and sisters1 but live in peace and amity4 ,use respectful and courteous language towards all the domestics4 ,never be domineering nor insulting1 for it is the mark of an ignorant and purse-proud child4 ,,at ,,table4 ,come not to table without having your hands and face washed1 and your hair combed4 ,sit not down until your elders are seated4 ,it is unbecoming to take your place first4 ,offer not to carve for yourself1 or to take anything1 even though it be something you much desire4 ,ask not for anything1 but tarry till it be offered to you4 ,find no fault with anything that is given you4 ,when you are helped1 be not the first to eat4 ,speak not at table4 ,if others are discoursing1 meddle not with the matter2 but be silent1 except when spoken to4 ,if you wish anything from the servants1 call them softly4 ,eat not too fast1 nor with greedy behavior4 ,eat not too much1 but moderately4 ,eat not so slowly as to make others wait for you4 ,make not a noise with your tongue1 mouth1 lips1 or breath1 in eating or drinking4 ,be sure never to speak with food in your mouth4 ,endeavor so to eat1 that none may see your food while chewing4 ,stare not in the face of any one1 especially your elders1 at the table4 ,lean not your elbow on the table1 nor on the chair back4 ,spit not1 cough not1 nor blow your nose at the table1 if it can be avoided2 but if it be necessary1 do it aside1 and without noise4 ,stuff not your mouth so much as to fill your cheeks4 ,be content with small mouthfuls4 ,blow not your food when too hot1 but wait with patience till it becomes cool4 ,smell not of your food2 turn not the other side of it upward to view it on your plate4 ,spit not forth anything that is not convenient to be swallowed1 such as the stones of plums1 cherries1 or the like2 but with your left hand1 neatly move them to the side of your plate4 ,fix not your eye upon the plate of another1 nor upon the food on the table4 ,lift not up your eyes1 nor roll them about while you are drinking4 ,bend your body a little downward to your plate1 when you move anything that is carried to your mouth4 ,look not earnestly on any one that is eating4 ,gnaw not bones at the table1 but clear them with your knife1 7unless very small7 and hold them not with the whole hand1 but with two fingers4 ,drink not with anything in your mouth4 ,before and after you drink1 wipe your mouth with your napkin4 ,never pick your teeth at table4 ,never drink till you have quite emptied your mouth1 and do not drink often4 ,enter not in company without a bow4 ,be careful not to turn your back to any1 but place yourself so that none will be behind you4 ,lean not on the chair of a superior1 standing behind him4 ,touch not1 nor look upon the books or writing of another1 unless the owner invite or desire it4 ,come not near when another reads a letter1 or other paper4 ,let your countenance be moderately cheerful1 neither laughing nor frowning4 ,to look upon one in company1 and immediately after whisper to another1 is unmannerly4 ,whisper not in company4 ,be not froward and fretful among your equals1 but gentle and affable4 ,if you cannot avoid gaping1 shut your mouth1 with your hand or handkerchief before it1 turning the face aside4 ,,among ,,other ,,children4 ,as near as may be1 converse not with any but those that are good1 sober1 and virtuous3 8,evil communications corrupt good manners40 ,reprove your companions as often as there shall be occasion1 for wicked actions or indecent expressions4 ,be willing to take those words or actions as jesting1 which you have reason to believe were designed as such4 ,if your companion be a little too sarcastic in speaking1 strive not to take notice of it1 or be moved at all by it4 ,abuse him not1 either by word or deed4 ,deal justly among those who are your equals1 as solicitously as if you were a man with men1 and about business of higher importance4 ,be not selfish altogether1 but kind1 free1 and generous to others4 ,avoid sinful and unlawful recreations1 and all such as prejudice the welfare of body or mind4 ,scorn not1 nor laugh at any because of their infirmities2 nor affix to any one a vexing title of contempt and reproach2 but pity such as are so visited1 and be glad that you are otherwise distinguished and favored4 ,,in ,,school4 ,bow at entering1 especially if the teacher be present4 ,walk quietly to your own seat1 and move not from one place to another till school time be over4 ,if your teacher be conversing with a stranger1 stare not at them1 nor listen to their talk4 ,interrupt not your teacher while a stranger or visitor is with him1 but defer any question or request till he be at leisure4 ,if your teacher speak to you1 rise up and bow1 making your answer standing4 ,if a stranger speak to you in school1 stand up and answer1 with the same respect and ceremony1 both of word and gesture1 as if you were speaking to your teacher4 ,make not haste out of school1 but soberly retire when your turn comes1 without hurry or noise4 ,go not rudely home through the streets4 ,stand not talking with boys who delay you2 but go quietly home1 and with all convenient speed4 ,,at ,,church4 ,walk quietly and soberly to the pew2 run not1 nor go playing4 ,sit where you are directed by your parents4 ,change not seats1 but continue in the place where you are desired4 ,talk not in church4 ,fix your eye upon the minister2 let it not wildly wander to gaze on any person or thing4 ,attend diligently to the words of the minister4 ,pray with him when he prays1 at least in your heart2 and while he is preaching1 listen attentively1 that you may remember4 ,be not hasty to run out of the church after the worship is ended1 as if you were weary of being there4 ,walk decently and soberly home1 without haste or playfulness1 thinking upon what you have been hearing4 ,always remember to be punctual at church4 ,never1 if it can possibly be avoided1 disturb the services by coming in after they have commenced4 ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,walk quietly and unobtrusively in the street1 neither singing1 whistling1 or shouting4 ,affront none1 especially your elders1 by word or deed4 ,jeer not at any person1 whatever4 ,always give the right hand to your superiors1 7by superiors1 ,i do not mean so much in regard to birth1 as age1 merit1 and the light in which they are regarded by the world17 when you either meet or walk with them2 and mind also to give them the wall1 in meeting or walking with them2 for that is the upper hand1 though in walking your superior should then be at your left hand4 ,but when three persons walk together1 the middle place is the most honorable2 and a son may walk at his father's right hand1 while his younger brother walks at his left4 ,give your superiors place to pass before you1 in any narrow place where two persons cannot pass at once4 ,if you go with your parents1 teacher1 or any superior1 go not playfully through the streets4 ,pay your respects to all you meet1 of your acquaintance or friends4 ,it is impolite to stare at every unusual person or thing which you may see in the street1 or to use any improper postures1 either of head1 hands1 feet1 or body4 ,,to ,,your ,,parents4 ,children1 these are the most essential of those rules of behavior1 the observance of which will deliver you from the disgraceful titles of sordid and clownish1 and entail upon you the honor of being called well-bred children2 for there is scarcely a sadder sight1 than a clownish and unmannerly child4 ,avoid1 therefore1 with the greatest diligence1 so vile an ignominy4 ,be humble1 submissive1 and obedient to those who have a just claim to your subjection1 by nature and providence3 such are parents1 masters1 or tutors1 whose commands and laws have no other tendency than your truest good4 ,be always obsequious and respectful1 never bold1 insolent1 or saucy1 either in words or gestures4 ,let your body be on every occasion1 pliable1 and ready to manifest1 in due and becoming ceremonies1 the inward reverence you bear towards those above you4 ,by these means1 by timely and early accustoming yourselves to a sweet and spontaneous obedience in your youthful stations and relations1 your minds being habituated to that which is so indispensably your duty1 the task of obedience in farther relations will be performed with greater ease and pleasure2 and when you arrive at manhood1 there will remain in your well-managed minds no presumptuous folly1 that may tempt you to be other than faithful and good citizens4 ,,to ,,superiors4 ,among superiors1 speak not till you are spoken to1 or are asked to speak4 ,hold not your hand1 nor anything else before your mouth when you speak4 ,come not very near the one you speak to4 ,if your superior speak to you while you sit1 stand up before you give an answer4 ,speak not very loud1 nor too low4 ,answer not one who is speaking to you1 till he is done4 ,strive not with your superiors1 in argument or discourse2 but easily submit your opinion to their assertions4 ,if your superior speak anything wherein you know he is mistaken1 correct not1 nor contradict him1 nor laugh at the hearing of it2 but pass over the error1 without notice or interruption4 ,speak not1 without ,sir1 or some other title of respect1 which is due to him to whom you speak4 ,mention not frivolous or little things among grave persons or superiors4 ,if your superior hesitate in his words1 pretend not to help him out4 ,come not very near to two that are whispering1 neither ask what they converse upon4 ,when your parent or master speaks to any person1 speak not1 nor hearken to them4 ,if immodest words be used in your hearing1 smile not1 but settle your countenance1 as if you did not hear it4 ,boast not in discourse of your own wit or doings4 ,if your superior be relating a story1 say not1 8,i have heard it before10 but attend to it as if it were altogether new to you4 ,seem not to question the truth of it4 ,if he tell it not right1 suggest not1 nor endeavor to help him out1 or add to his relation4 ,beware how you utter anything hard to be believed4 ,interrupt no one in speaking1 though he be your intimate4 ,coming into company when any topic is being discussed1 ask not what was the preceding conversation1 but listen to the remainder4 ,laugh not in1 or at1 your own story1 wit or jest4 ,speaking of any distant person1 it is rude and unmannerly to point at him4 ,be not over earnest in talking1 to justify your own words4 ,let your words be modest1 about those things which concern only yourself4 ,repeat not the words of a superior1 who asks you a question1 or talks with you4 ,illustration3 decorative line ,,to ,,equals4 ,be kind1 pleasant1 and loving1 not cross1 nor churlish1 to your equals2 and in thus behaving yourselves1 all persons will naturally desire your familiar acquaintance2 every one will be ready and willing1 upon opportunity1 to assist you4 ,your friends will be then all those who know you1 and observe the excellence and sweetness of your deportment4 ,this practice1 also1 by inducing a habit of obliging1 will fit you for converse and society1 and facilitate and assist your dealing with men in riper years4 ,illustration3 decorative line ,,to ,,inferiors4 ,be meek1 courteous1 and affable to your inferiors2 not proud nor scornful4 ,to be courteous1 even to the lowest1 is a true index of a great and generous mind4 ,but the insulting and scornful one1 who has been himself originally low1 ignoble1 or beggarly1 makes himself ridiculous to his equals1 and by his inferiors is repaid with scorn and hatred4 ,illustration3 decorative line ,,recognitions4 ,a gentleman1 on meeting a lady of his acquaintance in the street1 or elsewhere1 should not presume to bow to her1 till she has first recognised him2 or she may feel compelled to notice him1 when she would not choose to do so otherwise4 ,a gentleman should never recognise a lady1 to whom he has never been presented1 at a ball or evening party1 and should pass her as a stranger1 unless she chooses to recognise him1 when he should1 as in all other cases1 return the salute4 ,a very young person should wait to be recognised by one more advanced in age4 ,,introductions4 ,on giving introductions1 always present a gentleman to a lady1 save when a lady enters a room where several persons are assembled1 when the lady is presented4 ,very young persons should be presented to older ones2 and we should always present individuals to those persons to whom we owe particular respect1 on account of age1 station1 c4 ,it is in good taste to present both parties1 merely inverting the order of the names4 ,,complimentary ,,cards ,,and ,,notes4 ,miss ,foster presents her compliments to ,miss ,edwards1 and requests the honor of her company at a ,tea-party1 on ,wednesday afternoon4 #af ,arch street4 ,tuesday noon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,miss ,edwards presents her respects to ,miss ,foster1 and accepts her kind invitation with pleasure4 #cj ,chestnut street4 ,tuesday noon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,miss ,e4 presents her respects to ,miss ,f41 and regrets that a pre-engagement prevents her acceptance of her polite invitation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,william ,harris presents his respectful compliments to ,miss ,brown1 and trusts she has experienced no ill consequences from her last evening's fatigue at the assembly4 99 99 99 99 99 ,miss ,brown finds herself greatly obliged by ,mr4 ,harris' kind inquiries1 and is happy to inform him she is perfectly well4 99 99 99 99 99 ,miss ,brown is greatly obliged by ,mr4 ,harris' kind inquiry1 and is sorry to say that she suffers under a severe cold1 in consequence of last evening's amusement4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 ,w4 presents his compliments to ,mr4 ,s41 and hopes1 if ,mr4 ,s4 is disengaged1 that he will dine with him on ,monday next1 at half-past three o'clock4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 ,s4 presents his respects to ,mr4 ,w41 and will avail himself of his kind invitation with pleasure4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 ,s4 regrets that indisposition will prevent him the honor of dining with ,mr4 ,w4 on ,monday next4 99 99 99 99 99 ,miss ,dudley's compliments to ,mrs4 ,windsor1 and will be obliged by her company to dinner on ,thursday next1 at three o'clock4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mrs4 ,johnson returns her best respects to ,mr4 ,wilson1 and is greatly indebted to him for his obliging present4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,bristow present their compliments to ,mrs4 ,truman1 and hope for the pleasure of her company on ,thursday evening next1 to tea4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,truman are greatly obliged by ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,bristow's kind invitation1 and will do themselves the honor of waiting upon them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,truman are exceedingly sorry that a pre-engagement will prevent them from accepting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,bristow's kind invitation4 ,,dinner ,,parties4 ,whenever dinners are given to invited guests1 civility requires that an early answer should be returned2 for the proper wording of such answers1 ,i refer you to the ,notes of ,invitation1 where full directions are given4 ,an acceptance1 in such a case1 should be as binding as a promissory note2 and no light cause should ever be allowed to prevent your fulfilling your engagement4 ,want of punctuality at a dinner party1 is an affront to the whole company1 as well as to the gentleman and lady of the house4 ,a ceremonious dinner requires that the company be well and handsomely dressed1 though not in such gay attire as is usually worn at a ball or evening party4 ,arrived at the place1 and disrobed of your cloak1 let your gloves be on1 and with erect form and firm step1 enter the parlor4 ,look towards the lady of the house1 and walk up at once to her1 not turning to the right or the left1 or noticing any one1 until you have made your bow to her1 and to the host4 ,then you may turn off towards the young people1 and take a seat among them1 with that agreeable expression of sympathy on your face1 which encourages conversation4 ,on entering the dining-room1 you must use your eyes to discover which part of the table is considered the most honorable4 ,try to seat yourself among the least important portion of the company1 unless desired by the lady or gentleman of the house to take a particular seat4 ,when fairly seated in the right place1 spread your napkin in your lap to protect your dress from accident2 take off your gloves1 and put them in your lap1 under your napkin4 ,when you send your plate for anything1 whether by the hand of a servant or friend1 take off the knife and fork1 and lay them down on the cloth1 supporting the ends on your bread1 or hold them in your hand in a horizontal position4 ,after dinner1 you are expected to take leave more generally and sociably1 than after any other kind of party1 except it be a small supper party4 ,,going ,,into ,,company4 ,a young person ought to be able to go into a room1 and address the company1 without the least embarrassment4 ,ignorance and vice are the only things of which we need be ashamed4 ,avoid these1 and you may go into what company you will4 ,a modest assurance in every part of life1 is the most advantageous qualification we can possibly acquire4 ,illustration3 decorative line ,,good ,,breeding4 ,to show the politeness of a true gentleman1 you must be quick to observe four things3 #a4 ,what your place is4 #b4 ,what is due to every person4 #c4 ,how to do what is proper in an agreeable manner4 #d4 ,how to make yourself acceptable to others1 in person1 manners1 and conversation4 ,you can be as polite to the boot-black as to the ,president4 ,this is done1 not by an air of condescension1 but by treating him as a man1 according to his place4 ,render him his due1 and he will be likely to render you yours4 ,the same person who is overbearing to his inferiors1 is likely to show a cringing servility to his superiors4 ,both faults are marks of a mean and groveling mind4 ,maintain your self-respect1 if you would enjoy the respect of others4 ,cherish that delicacy of sentiment1 that quick sympathy with others1 that nice sense of justice which will make you as regardful of their feelings as of their more substantial rights1 and you will not fail to be polite4 ,without the sentiments of a gentleman1 you may know all the rules of politeness1 and be scrupulously observant of all the external forms of good breeding1 and yet never be a gentleman4 ,in short1 to be a true gentleman1 you must be generous and noble1 as well as just and courteous4 ,you must be scrupulously careful to be--,pure in body1 pure in manners1 pure in morals1 and pure in heart4 ,follow fashion moderately1 if you would follow it gracefully4 ,never rely on dress to make you a gentleman4 ,it is as flimsy a disguise as the lion's skin was to the ass2 his braying betraying him1 and his unsuitable attire only made him appear the more ridiculous4 ,a good enunciation is a distinctive mark of good breeding4 ,speak your words plainly and distinctly1 and in a moderate tone of voice4 ,pronounce words in the manner that is used by the best bred persons1 but not affectedly1 or with a strained precision4 ,avoid all vulgar or inaccurate vowel sounds1 as keow1 ile1 soit1 for cow1 oil1 sight4 ,do not slip or smother your consonants1 as gen'lm'n for gentleman1 mornin' for morning1 c4 ,,cleanliness4 ,no one can please in company1 however graceful his air1 unless he be clean and neat in his person4 ,he who is not thoroughly clean in his person1 will be offensive to all with whom he converses4 ,a particular regard to the cleanliness of your mouth1 teeth1 hands1 and nails1 is but common decency4 ,a foul mouth and unclean hands1 are certain marks of vulgarity2 the first is the cause of an offensive breath1 which nobody can endure1 and the last is declarative of dirty work1 and disgraceful negligence to remove the filth4 ,one may always know a gentleman by the state of his hands and nails4 ,the flesh at the roots should be kept back1 so as to show the semicircles at the bottom of the nails2 the edges of the nails should never be cut down below the ends of the fingers1 nor should they be suffered to grow longer than the fingers4 ,for black and dirty teeth1 where they are sound1 there can be no excuse4 ,they are the mark of a lazy1 vulgar fellow4 ,let me entreat you to form the habit of brushing your teeth1 every night before you sleep4 ,now1 clean garments and a clean person1 are as necessary to health1 as to prevent giving offence to other people4 ,it is a maxim with me1 which ,i have lived to see verified1 that he who is negligent at twenty years of age1 will be a sloven at forty1 and intolerable at fifty4 ,illustration3 decorative line ,,gracefulness4 ,be graceful in your manners4 ,the different effects of the same thing1 said or done1 when accompanied or deserted by graceful manners1 is almost inconceivable4 ,they prepare the way to the heart4 ,from your own observations1 reflect what a disagreeable impression1 an awkward address1 a slovenly figure1 an ungraceful manner of speaking1 whether fluttering1 or drawling1 c41 make upon you1 at first sight1 in a stranger1 and how they prejudice you against them4 ,,modesty4 ,modesty is a polite accomplishment1 and generally attendant upon merit4 ,it is engaging1 in the highest degree1 and wins the hearts of all with whom we are acquainted4 ,none are more disgusting in company1 than the impudent and presuming4 ,nothing can atone for the want of modesty2 without it1 beauty is ungraceful1 and wit detestable4 ,be particularly careful not to speak of yourself1 if you can help it4 ,an impudent person intrudes himself abruptly upon all occasions1 and is ever the hero of his own story4 ,the less you say of yourself1 the more the world will give you credit for2 and the more you say of yourself1 the less they will believe you4 ,whatever perfections you may have1 be assured people will find them out2 but whether they do or not1 nobody will take them upon your own word4 ,,civility4 ,the art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess1 but a very difficult one to acquire4 ,it can hardly be reduced to rules1 and your own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than ,i can4 ,do as you would be done by1 is the surest method of pleasing4 ,observe carefully what is pleasing to you in others2 and probably the same things in you will please others4 ,if you are pleased with the complaisance and attention of others to you1 depend upon it1 the same complaisance and attention1 on your part1 will equally please them4 ,it is not enough not to be rude2 you should be civil and distinguished for your good breeding4 ,the first principle of this good breeding is1 never to say anything that you think can be disagreeable to anybody in company2 but1 on the contrary1 you should endeavor to say what will be agreeable to them2 and that in an easy and natural manner1 without seeming to study for compliments4 ,there is likewise such a thing as a civil look and a rude look2 you should look civil1 as well as be so2 for if1 while you are saying a civil thing1 you look gruff and surly1 nobody will be obliged to you for a civility that seemed to come so unwillingly4 ,if you have occasion to contradict any one1 or to set him right from a mistake1 it would be very brutal to say1 8,that is not so2 ,i know better20 or1 8,you are wrong20 but you should say1 with a civil look1 8,i beg your pardon1 ,i believe you mistake20 or1 8,if ,i may take the liberty of contradicting you1 ,i believe it is so and so30 for1 though you may know a thing better than other people1 yet is very disagreeable to tell them so1 directly1 without something to soften it2 but remember particularly1 that whatever you may say or do1 with ever so civil an intention1 a great deal consists in the manner and the look1 which must be genteel1 easy1 and natural4 ,civility is particularly due to all women2 and remember that no provocation whatever can justify any person in being uncivil to a woman2 and the greatest man in the land would be reckoned a brute1 if he was not civil to the meanest woman4 ,it is due to their sex1 and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours4 ,,moral ,,character4 ,there is nothing so delicate as your moral character1 and nothing that it is your interest so much to preserve pure4 ,should you be suspected of injustice1 malignity1 perfidy1 lying1 c41 all the parts and knowledge in the world will never procure you esteem1 friendship1 or respect4 ,a strange concurrence of circumstances has sometimes raised very bad men to high stations2 but they have been raised1 like criminals to a pillory1 where their persons and their crimes1 by being more conspicuous1 are only the more known1 the more pelted and insulted4 ,if in any case whatsoever1 dissimulation were pardonable1 it would be in the case of morality2 though1 even then1 a ,pharasaical pomp of virtue would not be advisable4 ,but ,i will recommend to you a most scrupulous tenderness for your moral character1 and the utmost care not to do or say anything that may ever so slightly taint it4 ,show yourself1 upon all occasions1 the advocate1 the friend1 but not the bully1 of virtue4 ,,good ,,breeding4 ,observe the best and most well-bred of the ,french people2 how agreeably they insinuate little civilities in their conversation4 ,they think it so essential that they call an honest and a civil man by the same name1 of 8honnete homme20 and the ,romans called civility1 8humanitas10 as thinking it inseparable from humanity3 and depend upon it1 that your reputation and success will1 in a great measure1 depend upon the degree of good breeding of which you are master4 ,from what has been said1 ,i conclude with the observation1 that gentleness of manners1 with firmness of mind1 is a short but full description of human perfection1 on this side of religious and moral duties4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,a few minor errors in punctuation and spelling were corrected4