,haines4 ,,christmas ,,eve ,,robert ,,browning ,i ,out of the little chapel ,i burst ,into the fresh night-air again4 ,five minutes full1 ,i waited first ,in the doorway1 to escape the rain ,that drove in gusts down the common's centre ,at the edge of which the chapel stands1 ,before ,i plucked up heart to enter4 ,heaven knows how many sorts of hands ,reached past me1 groping for the latch ,of the inner door that hung on catch ,more obstinate the more they fumbled1 ,till1 giving way at last with a scold ,of the crazy hinge1 in squeezed or tumbled ,one sheep more to the rest in fold1 ,and left me irresolute1 standing sentry ,in the sheepfold's lath-and-plaster entry1 ,six feet long by three feet wide1 ,partitioned off from the vast inside-- ,i blocked up half of it at least4 ,no remedy2 the rain kept driving4 ,they eyed me much as some wild beast1 ,that congregation1 still arriving1 ,some of them by the main road1 white ,a long way past me into the night1 ,skirting the common1 then diverging2 ,not a few suddenly emerging ,from the common's self thro' the paling-gaps --,they house in the gravel-pits perhaps1 ,where the road stops short with its safeguard border ,of lamps1 as tired of such disorder2-- ,but the most turned in yet more abruptly ,from a certain squalid knot of alleys1 ,where the town's bad blood once slept corruptly1 ,which now the little chapel rallies ,and leads into day again1--its priestliness ,lending itself to hide their beastliness ,so cleverly 7thanks in part to the mason71 ,and putting so cheery a whitewashed face on ,those neophytes too much in lack of it1 ,that1 where you cross the common as ,i did1 ,and meet the party thus presided1 ,mount ,zion with ,love-lane at the back of it1 ,they front you as little disconcerted ,as1 bound for the hills1 her fate averted1 ,and her wicked people made to mind him1 ,lot might have marched with ,gomorrah behind him4 ,,ii ,well1 from the road1 the lanes or the common1 ,in came the flock3 the fat weary woman1 ,panting and bewildered1 down-clapping ,her umbrella with a mighty report1 ,grounded it by me1 wry and flapping1 ,a wreck of whalebones2 then1 with snort1 ,like a startled horse1 at the interloper 7,who humbly knew himself improper1 ,but could not shrink up small enough7 --,round to the door1 and in1--the gruff ,hinge's invariable scold ,making my very blood run cold4 ,prompt in the wake of her1 up-pattered ,on broken clogs1 the many-tattered ,little old-faced peaking sister-turned-mother ,of the sickly babe she tried to smother ,somehow up1 with its spotted face1 ,from the cold1 on her breast1 the one warm place2 ,she too must stop1 wring the poor ends dry ,of a draggled shawl1 and add thereby ,her tribute to the door-mat1 sopping ,already from my own clothes' dropping1 ,which yet she seemed to grudge ,i should stand on3 ,then1 stooping down to take off her pattens1 ,she bore them defiantly1 in each hand one1 ,planted together before her breast ,and its babe1 as good as a lance in rest4 ,close on her heels1 the dingy satins ,of a female something1 past me flitted1 ,with lips as much too white1 as a streak ,lay far too red on each hollow cheek2 ,and it seemed the very door-hinge pitied ,all that was left of a woman once1 ,holding at least its tongue for the nonce4 ,then a tall yellow man1 like the ,penitent ,thief1 ,with his jaw bound up in a handkerchief1 ,and eyelids screwed together tight1 ,led himself in by some inner light4 ,and1 except from him1 from each that entered1 ,i got the same interrogation-- ,what1 you the alien1 you have ventured ,to take with us1 the elect1 your station8 ,a carer for none of it1 a ,gallio6-- ,thus1 plain as print1 ,i read the glance ,at a common prey1 in each countenance ,as of huntsman giving his hounds the tallyho4 ,and1 when the door's cry drowned their wonder1 ,the draught1 it always sent in shutting1 ,made the flame of the single tallow candle ,in the cracked square lantern ,i stood under1 ,shoot its blue lip at me1 rebutting ,as it were1 the luckless cause of scandal3 ,i verily fancied the zealous light 7,in the chapel's secret1 too67 for spite ,would shudder itself clean off the wick1 ,with the airs of a ,saint ,john's ,candlestick4 ,footnote3 ,see ,rev4 i4 #bj4 ,there was no standing it much longer4 ,good folks1 thought ,i1 as resolve grew stronger1 ,this way you perform the ,grand-,inquisitor ,when the weather sends you a chance visitor8 ,you are the men1 and wisdom shall die with you1 ,and none of the old ,seven ,churches vie with you6 ,but still1 despite the pretty perfection ,to which you carry your trick of exclusiveness1 ,and1 taking ,god's word under wise protection1 ,correct its tendency to diffusiveness1 ,and bid one reach it over hot ploughshares1-- ,still1 as ,i say1 though you've found salvation1 ,if ,i should choose to cry1 as now1 ',shares6'-- ,see if the best of you bars me my ration6 ,i prefer1 if you please1 for my expounder ,of the laws of the feast1 the feast's own ,founder2 ,mine's the same right with your poorest and sickliest ,supposing ,i don the marriage vestiment3 ,so shut your mouth and open your ,testament1 ,and carve me my portion at your quickliest6 ,accordingly1 as a shoemaker's lad ,with wizened face in want of soap1 ,and wet apron wound round his waist like a rope1 7,after stopping outside1 for his cough was bad1 ,to get the fit over1 poor gentle creature1 ,and so avoid disturbing the preacher7 --,passed in1 ,i sent my elbow spikewise ,at the shutting door1 and entered likewise1 ,received the hinge's accustomed greeting1 ,and crossed the threshold's magic pentacle1 ,and found myself in full conventicle1 --,to wit1 in ,zion ,chapel ,meeting1 ,on the ,christmas-,eve of ',forty-nine1 ,which1 calling its flock to their special clover1 ,found all assembled and one sheep over1 ,whose lot1 as the weather pleased1 was mine4 ,,iii ,i very soon had enough of it4 ,the hot smell and the human noises1 ,and my neighbour's coat1 the greasy cuff of it1 ,were a pebble-stone that a child's hand poises1 ,compared with the pig-of-lead-like pressure ,of the preaching man's immense stupidity1 ,as he poured his doctrine forth1 full measure1 ,to meet his audience's avidity4 ,you needed not the wit of the ,sibyl ,to guess the cause of it all1 in a twinkling3 ,no sooner our friend had got an inkling ,of treasure hid in the ,holy ,bible1 7,whene'er 'twas the thought first struck him1 ,how death1 at unawares1 might duck him ,deeper than the grave1 and quench ,the gin-shop's light in hell's grim drench7 ,than he handled it so1 in fine irreverence1 ,as to hug the book of books to pieces3 ,and1 a patchwork of chapters and texts in severance1 ,not improved by the private dog's-ears and creases1 ,having clothed his own soul with1 he'd fain see equipt yours1-- ,so tossed you again your ,holy ,scriptures4 ,and you picked them up1 in a sense1 no doubt3 ,nay1 had but a single face of my neighbours ,appeared to suspect that the preacher's labours ,were help which the world could be saved without1 ',tis odds but ,i might have borne in quiet ,a qualm or two at my spiritual diet1 ,or 7who can tell87 perchance even mustered ,somewhat to urge in behalf of the sermon3 ,but the flock sat on1 divinely flustered1 ,sniffing1 methought1 its dew of ,hermon ,with such content in every snuffle1 ,as the devil inside us loves to ruffle4 ,my old fat woman purred with pleasure1 ,and thumb round thumb went twirling faster1 ,while she1 to his periods keeping measure1 ,maternally devoured the pastor4 ,the man with the handkerchief untied it1 ,showed us a horrible wen inside it1 ,gave his eyelids yet another screwing1 ,and rocked himself as the woman was doing4 ,the shoemaker's lad1 discreetly choking1 ,kept down his cough4 ',twas too provoking6 ,my gorge rose at the nonsense and stuff of it2 ,so1 saying like ,eve when she plucked the apple1 ,i wanted a taste1 and now there's enough of it1 ,i flung out of the little chapel4 ,,iv ,there was a lull in the rain1 a lull ,in the wind too2 the moon was risen1 ,and would have shone out pure and full1 ,but for the ramparted cloud-prison1 ,block on block built up in the ,west1 ,for what purpose the wind knows best1 ,who changes his mind continually4 ,and the empty other half of the sky ,seemed in its silence as if it knew ,what1 any moment1 might look through ,a chance gap in that fortress massy3-- ,through its fissures you got hints ,of the flying moon1 by the shifting tints1 ,now1 a dull lion-colour1 now1 brassy ,burning to yellow1 and whitest yellow1 ,like furnace-smoke just ere flames bellow1 ,all a-simmer with intense strain ,to let her through1--then blank again1 ,at the hope of her appearance failing4 ,just by the chapel1 a break in the railing ,shows a narrow path directly across2 ',tis ever dry walking there1 on the moss-- ,besides1 you go gently all the way uphill4 ,i stooped under and soon felt better2 ,my head grew lighter1 my limbs more supple1 ,as ,i walked on1 glad to have slipt the fetter4 ,my mind was full of the scene ,i had left1 ,that placid flock1 that pastor vociferant1 --,how this outside was pure and different6 ,the sermon1 now--what a mingled weft ,of good and ill6 ,were either less1 ,its fellow had coloured the whole distinctly2 ,but alas for the excellent earnestness1 ,and the truths1 quite true if stated succinctly1 ,but as surely false1 in their quaint presentment1 ,however to pastor and flock's contentment6 ,say rather1 such truths looked false to your eyes1 ,with his provings and parallels twisted and twined1 ,till how could you know them1 grown double their size ,in the natural fog of the good man's mind1 ,like yonder spots of our roadside lamps1 ,haloed about with the common's damps8 ,truth remains true1 the fault's in the prover2 ,the zeal was good1 and the aspiration2 ,and yet1 and yet1 yet1 fifty times over1 ,pharaoh received no demonstration1 ,by his ,baker's dream of ,basket ,three1 ,of the doctrine of the ,trinity1-- ,although1 as our preacher thus embellished it1 ,apparently his hearers relished it ,with so unfeigned a gust--who knows if ,they did not prefer our friend to ,joseph8 ,but so it is everywhere1 one way with all of them6 ,these people have really felt1 no doubt1 ,a something1 the motion they style the ,call of them2 ,and this is their method of bringing about1 ,by a mechanism of words and tones1 7,so many texts in so many groans7 ,a sort of reviving and reproducing1 ,more or less perfectly1 7who can tell87 ,the mood itself1 which strengthens by using2 ,and how that happens1 ,i understand well4 ,a tune was born in my head last week1 ,out of the thump-thump and shriek-shriek ,of the train1 as ,i came by it1 up from ,manchester2 ,and when1 next week1 ,i take it back again1 ,my head will sing to the engine's clack again1 ,while it only makes my neighbour's haunches stir1 --,finding no dormant musical sprout ,in him1 as in me1 to be jolted out4 ',tis the taught already that profits by teaching2 ,he gets no more from the railway's preaching ,than1 from this preacher who does the rail's office1 ,i3 ,whom therefore the flock cast a jealous eye on4 ,still1 why paint over their door ,mount ,zion1 ,to which all flesh shall come1 saith the prophecy8 ,v ,but wherefore be harsh on a single case8 ,after how many modes1 this ,christmas ,eve1 ,does the self-same weary thing take place8 ,the same endeavour to make you believe1 ,and with much the same effect1 no more3 ,each method abundantly convincing1 ,as ,i say1 to those convinced before1 ,but scarce to be swallowed without wincing ,by the not-as-yet-convinced4 ,for me1 ,i have my own church equally3 ,and in this church my faith sprang first6 7,i said1 as ,i reached the rising ground1 ,and the wind began again1 with a burst ,of rain in my face1 and a glad rebound ,from the heart beneath1 as if1 ,god speeding me1 ,i entered his church-door1 nature leading me7 --,in youth ,i look to these very skies1 ,and probing their immensities1 ,i found ,god there1 his visible power2 ,yet felt in my heart1 amid all its sense ,of the power1 an equal evidence ,that his love1 there too1 was the nobler dower4 ,for the loving worm within its clod1 ,were diviner than a loveless god ,amid his worlds1 ,i will dare to say4 ,you know what ,i mean3 ,god's all1 man's nought3 ,but also1 ,god1 whose pleasure brought ,man into being1 stands away ,as it were a handbreadth off1 to give ,room for the newly-made to live1 ,and look at him from a place apart1 ,and use his gifts of brain and heart1 ,given1 indeed1 but to keep for ever4 ,who speaks of man1 then1 must not sever ,man's very elements from man1 ,saying1 ,but all is ,god's--whose plan ,was to create man and then leave him ,able1 his own word saith1 to grieve him ,but able to glorify him too1 ,as a mere machine could never do1 ,that prayed or praised1 all unaware ,of its fitness for aught but praise and prayer1 ,made perfect as a thing of course4 ,man1 therefore1 stands on his own stock ,of love and power as a pin-point rock3 ,and1 looking to ,god who ordained divorce ,of the rock from his boundless continent1 ,sees1 in his power made evident1 ,only excess by a million-fold ,o'er the power ,god gave man in the mould4 ,for1 note3 man's hand1 first formed to carry ,a few pounds' weight1 when taught to marry ,its strength with an engine's1 lifts a mountain1 --,advancing in power by one degree2 ,and why count steps through eternity8 ,but love is the ever-springing fountain3 ,man may enlarge or narrow his bed ,for the water's play1 but the water-head-- ,how can he multiply or reduce it8 ,as easy create it1 as cause it to cease2 ,he may profit by it1 or abuse it1 ,but 'tis not a thing to bear increase ,as power does3 be love less or more ,in the heart of man1 he keeps it shut ,or opes it wide1 as he pleases1 but ,love's sum remains what it was before4 ,so1 gazing up1 in my youth1 at love ,as seen through power1 ever above ,all modes which make it manifest1 ,my soul brought all to a single test-- ,that he1 the ,eternal ,first and ,last1 ,who1 in his power1 had so surpassed ,all man conceives of what is might1-- ,whose wisdom1 too1 showed infinite1 --,would prove as infinitely good2 ,would never1 7my soul understood17 ,with power to work all love desires1 ,bestow e'en less than man requires2 ,that he who endlessly was teaching1 ,above my spirit's utmost reaching1 ,what love can do in the leaf or stone1 7,so that to master this alone1 ,this done in the stone or leaf for me1 ,i must go on learning endlessly7 ,would never need that ,i1 in turn1 ,should point him out defect unheeded1 ,and show that ,god had yet to learn ,what the meanest human creature needed1 --,not life1 to wit1 for a few short years1 ,tracking his way through doubts and fears1 ,while the stupid earth on which ,i stay ,suffers no change1 but passive adds ,its myriad years to myriads1 ,though ,i1 he gave it to1 decay1 ,seeing death come and choose about me1 ,and my dearest ones depart without me4 ,no3 love which1 on earth1 amid all the shows of it1 ,has ever been seen the sole good of life in it1 ,the love1 ever growing there1 spite of the strife in it4 ,shall arise1 made perfect1 from death's repose of it1 ,and ,i shall behold thee1 face to face1 ,o ,god1 and in thy light retrace ,how in all ,i loved here1 still wast thou6 ,whom pressing to1 then1 as ,i fain would now1 ,i shall find as able to satiate ,the love1 thy gift1 as my spirit's wonder ,thou art able to quicken and sublimate1 ,with this sky of thine1 that ,i now walk under1 ,and glory in thee for1 as ,i gaze ,thus1 thus6 ,oh1 let men keep their ways ,of seeking thee in a narrow shrine-- ,be this my way6 ,and this is mine6 ,,vi ,for lo1 what think you8 suddenly ,the rain and the wind ceased1 and the sky ,received at once the full fruition ,of the moon's consummate apparition4 ,the black cloud-barricade was riven1 ,ruined beneath her feet1 and driven ,deep in the ,west2 while1 bare and breathless1 ,north and ,south and ,east lay ready ,for a glorious thing that1 dauntless1 deathless1 ,sprang across them and stood steady4 ',twas a moon-rainbow1 vast and perfect1 ,from heaven to heaven extending1 perfect ,as the mother-moon's self1 full in face4 ,it rose1 distinctly at the base ,with its seven proper colours chorded1 ,which still1 in the rising1 were compressed1 ,until at last they coalesced1 ,and supreme the spectral creature lorded ,in a triumph of whitest white1-- ,above which intervened the night4 ,but above night too1 like only the next1 ,the second of a wondrous sequence1 ,reaching in rare and rarer frequence1 ,till the heaven of heavens were circumflexed1 ,another rainbow rose1 a mightier1 ,fainter1 flushier and flightier1-- ,rapture dying along its verge4 ,oh1 whose foot shall ,i see emerge1 ,whose1 from the straining topmost dark1 ,on to the keystone of that arc8 ,,vii ,this sight was shown me1 there and then1-- ,me1 out of a world of men1 ,singled forth1 as the chance might hap ,to another if1 in a thunderclap ,where ,i heard noise and you saw flame1 ,some one man knew ,god called his name4 ,for me1 ,i think ,i said1 ,appear6 ,good were it to be ever here4 ,if thou wilt1 let me build to thee ,service-tabernacles three1 ,where1 forever in thy presence1 ,in ecstatic acquiescence1 ,far alike from thriftless learning ,and ignorance's undiscerning1 ,i may worship and remain6 ,thus at the show above me1 gazing ,with upturned eyes1 ,i felt my brain ,glutted with the glory1 blazing ,throughout its whole mass1 over and under ,until at length it burst asunder ,and out of it bodily there streamed1 ,the too-much glory1 as it seemed1 ,passing from out me to the ground1 ,then palely serpentining round ,into the dark with mazy error4 ,,viii ,all at once ,i looked up with terror4 ,he was there4 ,he himself with his human air4 ,on the narrow pathway1 just before4 ,i saw the back of him1 no more-- ,he had left the chapel1 then1 as ,i4 ,i forgot all about the sky4 ,no face3 only the sight ,of a sweepy garment1 vast and white1 ,with a hem that ,i could recognize4 ,i felt terror1 no surprise2 ,my mind filled with the cataract1 ,at one bound of the mighty fact4 ,i remember1 he did say ,doubtless that1 to this world's end1 ,where two or three should meet and pray1 ,he would be in their midst1 their friend2 ,certainly he was there with them6 ,and my pulses leaped for joy ,of the golden thought without alloy1 ,then ,i saw his very vesture's hem4 ,then rushed the blood back1 cold and clear1 ,with a fresh enhancing shiver of fear2 ,and ,i hastened1 cried out while ,i pressed ,to the salvation of the vest1 ,but not so1 ,lord6 ,it cannot be ,that thou1 indeed1 art leaving me-- ,me1 that have despised thy friends6 ,did my heart make no amends8 ,thou art the love of ,god--above ,his power1 didst hear me place his love1 ,and that was leaving the world for thee4 ,therefore thou must not turn from me ,as ,i had chosen the other part6 ,folly and pride o'ercame my heart4 ,our best is bad1 nor bears thy test2 ,still1 it should be our very best4 ,i thought it best that thou1 the spirit1 ,be worshipped in spirit and in truth1 ,and in beauty1 as even we require it-- ,not in the forms burlesque1 uncouth1 ,i left but now1 as scarcely fitted ,for thee3 ,i knew not what ,i pitied4 ,but1 all ,i felt there1 right or wrong1 ,what is it to thee1 who curest sinning8 ,am ,i not weak as thou art strong8 ,i have looked to thee from the beginning1 ,straight up to thee through all the world ,which1 like an idle scroll1 lay furled ,to nothingness on either side3 ,and since the time thou wast descried1 ,spite of the weak heart1 so have ,i ,lived ever1 and so fain would die1 ,living and dying1 thee before6 ,but if thou leavest me---- ,,ix ,less or more1 ,i suppose that ,i spoke thus4 ,when1--have mercy1 ,lord1 on us6 ,the whole face turned upon me full4 ,and ,i spread myself beneath it1 ,as when the bleacher spreads1 to seethe it ,in the cleansing sun1 his wool1-- ,steeps in the flood of noontide whiteness ,some denied1 discoloured web-- ,so lay ,i1 saturate with brightness4 ,and when the flood appeared to ebb1 ,lo1 ,i was walking1 light and swift1 ,with my senses settling fast and steadying1 ,but my body caught up in the whirl and drift ,of the vesture's amplitude1 still eddying ,on1 just before me1 still to be followed1 ,as it carried me after with its motion3 ,what shall ,i say8--as a path were hollowed ,and a man went weltering through the ocean1 ,sucked along in the flying wake ,of the luminous water-snake4 ,darkness and cold were cloven1 as through ,i passed1 upborne yet walking too4 ,and ,i turned to myself at intervals1-- ,so he said1 so it befalls4 ,god who registers the cup ,of mere cold water1 for his sake ,to a disciple rendered up1 ,disdains not his own thirst to slake ,at the poorest love was ever offered3 ,and because my heart ,i proffered1 ,with true love trembling at the brim1 ,he suffers me to follow him ,for ever1 my own way1--dispensed ,from seeking to be influenced ,by all the less immediate ways ,that earth1 in worships manifold1 ,adopts to reach1 by prayer and praise1 ,the garment's hem1 which1 lo1 ,i hold6 ,x ,and so we crossed the world and stopped4 ,for where am ,i1 in city or plain1 ,since ,i am 'ware of the world again8 ,and what is this that rises propped ,with pillars of prodigious girth8 ,is it really on the earth1 ,this miraculous ,dome of ,god8 ,has the angel's measuring-rod ,which numbered cubits1 gem from gem1 ',twixt the gates of the ,new ,jerusalem1 ,meted it out1--and what he meted1 ,have the sons of men completed8 --,binding1 ever as he bade1 ,columns in the colonnade ,with arms wide open to embrace ,the entry of the human race ,to the breast of444 what is it1 yon building1 ,ablaze in front1 all paint and gilding1 ,with marble for brick1 and stones of price ,for garniture of the edifice8 ,now ,i see2 it is no dream2 ,it stands there and it does not seem2 ,for ever1 in pictures1 thus it looks1 ,and thus ,i have read of it in books ,often in ,england1 leagues away1 ,and wondered how these fountains play1 ,growing up eternally ,each to a musical water-tree1 ,whose blossoms drop1 a glittering boon1 ,before my eyes1 in the light of the moon1 ,to the granite layers underneath4 ,liar and dreamer in your teeth6 ,i1 the sinner that speak to you1 ,was in ,rome this night1 and stood1 and knew ,both this and more4 ,for see1 for see1 ,the dark is rent1 mine eye is free ,to pierce the crust of the outer wall1 ,and ,i view inside1 and all there1 all1 ,as the swarming hollow of a hive1 ,the whole ,basilica alive6 ,men in the chancel1 body and nave1 ,men on the pillars' architrave1 ,men on the statues1 men on the tombs ,with popes and kings in their porphyry wombs1 ,all famishing in expectation ,of the main-altar's consummation4 ,for see1 for see1 the rapturous moment ,approaches1 and earth's best endowment ,blends with heaven's2 the taper-fires ,pant up1 the winding brazen spires ,heave loftier yet the baldachin2 ,footnote3 ,canopy over the ,high ,altar4 ,the incense-gaspings1 long kept in1 ,suspire in clouds2 the organ blatant ,holds his breath and grovels latent1 ,as if ,god's hushing finger grazed him1 7,like ,behemoth when he praised him7 ,at the silver bell's shrill tinkling1 ,quick cold drops of terror sprinkling ,on the sudden pavement strewed ,with faces of the multitude4 ,earth breaks up1 time drops away1 ,in flows heaven1 with its new day ,of endless life1 when ,he who trod1 ,very man and very ,god1 ,this earth in weakness1 shame and pain1 ,dying the death whose signs remain ,up yonder on the accursed tree1-- ,shall come again1 no more to be ,of captivity the thrall1 ,but the one ,god1 ,all in all1 ,king of kings1 ,lord of lords1 ,as ,his servant ,john received the words1 ,i died1 and live for evermore6 ,,xi ,yet ,i was left outside the door4 ,why sit ,i here on the threshold-stone ,left till ,he return1 alone ,save for the garment's extreme fold ,abandoned still to bless my hold8 ,my reason1 to my doubt1 replied1 ,as if a book were opened wide1 ,and at a certain page ,i traced ,every record undefaced1 ,added by successive years1-- ,the harvestings of truth's stray ears ,singly gleaned1 and in one sheaf ,bound together for belief4 ,yes1 ,i said--that he will go ,and sit with these in turn1 ,i know4 ,their faith's heart beats1 though her head swims ,too giddily to guide her limbs1 ,disabled by their palsy-stroke ,from propping mine4 ,though ,rome's gross yoke ,drops off1 no more to be endured1 ,her teaching is not so obscured ,by errors and perversities1 ,that no truth shines athwart the lies3 ,and he1 whose eye detects a spark ,even where1 to man's1 the whole seems dark1 ,may well see flame where each beholder ,acknowledges the embers smoulder4 ,but ,i1 a mere man1 fear to quit ,the clue ,god gave me as most fit ,to guide my footsteps through life's maze1 ,because himself discerns all ways ,open to reach him3 ,i1 a man ,able to mark where faith began ,to swerve aside1 till from its summit ,judgment drops her damning plummet1 ,pronouncing such a fatal space ,departed from the founder's base3 ,he will not bid me enter too1 ,but rather sit1 as now ,i do1 ,awaiting his return outside4 --',twas thus my reason straight replied ,and joyously ,i turned1 and pressed ,the garment's skirt upon my breast1 ,until1 afresh its light suffusing me1 ,my heart cried--,what has been abusing me ,that ,i should wait here lonely and coldly1 ,instead of rising1 entering boldly1 ,baring truth's face1 and letting drift ,her veils of lies as they choose to shift8 ,do these men praise him8 ,i will raise ,my voice up to their point of praise6 ,i see the error2 but above ,the scope of error1 see the love4-- ,oh1 love of those first ,christian days6 --,fanned so soon into a blaze1 ,from the spark preserved by the trampled sect1 ,that the antique sovereign ,intellect ,which then sat ruling in the world1 ,like a change in dreams1 was hurled ,from the throne he reigned upon3 ,you looked up and he was gone4 ,gone1 his glory of the pen6 --,love1 with ,greece and ,rome in ken1 ,bade her scribes abhor the trick ,of poetry and rhetoric1 ,and exult with hearts set free1 ,in blessed imbecility ,scrawled1 perchance1 on some torn sheet ,leaving ,sallust incomplete ,gone1 his pride of sculptor1 painter6 --,love1 while able to acquaint her ,while the thousand statues yet ,fresh from chisel1 pictures wet ,from brush1 she saw on every side1 ,chose rather with an infant's pride ,to frame those portents which impart ,such unction to true ,christian ,art4 ,gone1 music too6 ,the air was stirred ,by happy wings3 ,terpander's99 bird 99,footnote3 ,terpander1 a famous ,lesbian musician and lyric poet1 #fgj ,b4,c4 7,that1 when the cold came1 fled away7 ,would tarry not the wintry day1-- ,as more-enduring sculpture must1 ,till filthy saints rebuked the gust ,with which they chanced to get a sight ,of some dear naked ,aphrodite ,they glanced a thought above the toes of1 ,by breaking zealously her nose off4 ,love1 surely1 from that music's lingering1 ,might have filched her organ-fingering1 ,nor chosen rather to set prayings ,to hog-grunts1 praises to horse-neighings4 ,love was the startling thing1 the new3 ,love was the all-sufficient too2 ,and seeing that1 you see the rest3 ,as a babe can find its mother's breast ,as well in darkness as in light1 ,love shut our eyes1 and all seemed right4 ,true1 the world's eyes are open now3 --,less need for me to disallow ,some few that keep ,love's zone unbuckled1 ,peevish as ever to be suckled1 ,lulled by the same old baby-prattle ,with intermixture of the rattle1 ,when she would have them creep1 stand steady ,upon their feet1 or walk already1 ,not to speak of trying to climb4 ,i will be wise another time1 ,and not desire a wall between us1 ,when next ,i see a church-roof cover ,so many species of one genus1 ,all with foreheads bearing lover ,written above the earnest eyes of them2 ,all with breasts that beat for beauty1 ,whether sublimed1 to the surprise of them1 ,in noble daring1 steadfast duty1 ,the heroic in passion1 or in action1-- ,or1 lowered for sense's satisfaction1 ,to the mere outside of human creatures1 ,mere perfect form and faultless features4 ,what8 with all ,rome here1 whence to levy ,such contributions to their appetite1 ,with women and men in a gorgeous bevy1 ,they take1 as it were1 a padlock1 clap it tight ,on their southern eyes1 restrained from feeding ,on the glories of their ancient reading1 ,on the beauties of their modern singing1 ,on the wonders of the builder's bringing1 ,on the majesties of ,art around them1-- ,and1 all these loves1 late struggling incessant1 ,when faith has at last united and bound them1 ,they offer up to ,god for a present8 ,why1 ,i will1 on the whole1 be rather proud of it1-- ,and1 only taking the act in reference ,to the other recipients who might have allowed it1 ,i will rejoice that ,god had the preference4 ,,xii ,so ,i summed up my new resolves3 ,too much love there can never be4 ,and where the intellect devolves ,its function on love exclusively1 ,i1 a man who possesses both1 ,will accept the provision1 nothing loth1 --,will feast my love1 then depart elsewhere1 ,that my intellect may find its share4 ,and ponder1 ,o soul1 the while thou departest1 ,and see them applaud the great heart of the artist1 ,who1 examining the capabilities ,of the block of marble he has to fashion ,into a type of thought or passion1-- ,not always1 using obvious facilities1 ,shapes it1 as any artist can1 ,into a perfect symmetrical man1 ,complete from head to foot of the life-size1 ,such as old ,adam stood in his wife's eyes1-- ,but1 now and then1 bravely aspires to consummate ,a ,colossus by no means so easy to come at1 ,and uses the whole of his block for the bust1 ,leaving the mind of the public to finish it1 ,since cut it ruefully short he must3 ,on the face alone he expends his devotion1 ,he rather would mar than resolve to diminish it1 --,saying1 ,applaud me for this grand notion ,of what a face may be6 ,as for completing it ,in breast and body and limbs1 do that1 you6 ,all hail6 ,i fancy how1 happily meeting it1 ,a trunk and legs would perfect the statue1 ,could man carve so as to answer volition4 ,and how much nobler than petty cavils1 ,were a hope to find1 in my spirit-travels1 ,some artist of another ambition1 ,who1 having a block to carve1 no bigger1 ,has spent his power on the opposite quest1 ,and believed to begin at the feet was best-- ,for so may ,i see1 ere ,i die1 the whole figure6 ,,xiii ,no sooner said than out in the night6 ,my heart lighter and more light3 ,and still1 as before1 ,i was walking swift1 ,with my senses settling fast and steadying1 ,but my body caught up in the whirl and drift ,of the vesture's amplitude1 still eddying ,on just before me1 still to be followed1 ,as it carried me after with its motion1 --,what shall ,i say8--as a path1 were hollowed1 ,and a man went weltering through the ocean1 ,sucked along in the flying wake ,of the luminous water-snake4 ,,xiv ,alone6 ,i am left alone once more-- 7,save for the garment's extreme fold ,abandoned still to bless my hold7 ,alone1 beside the entrance-door ,of a sort of temple1-perhaps a college1 --,like nothing ,i ever saw before ,at home in ,england1 to my knowledge4 ,the tall old quaint irregular town6 ,it may be444 though which1 ,i can't affirm444 any ,of the famous middle-age towns of ,germany3 ,and this flight of stairs where ,i sit down1 ,is it ,halle1 ,weimar1 ,cassel1 ,frankfort ,or ,gottingen1 ,i have to thank for't8 ,it may be ,gottingen1--most likely4 ,through the open door ,i catch obliquely ,glimpses of a lecture-hall2 ,and not a bad assembly neither1 ,ranged decent and symmetrical ,on benches1 waiting what's to see there3 ,which1 holding still by the vesture's hem1 ,i also resolve to see with them1 ,cautious this time how ,i suffer to slip ,the chance of joining in fellowship ,with any that call themselves his friends2 ,as these folk do1 ,i have a notion4 ,but hist--a buzzing and emotion6 ,all settle themselves1 the while ascends ,by the creaking rail to the lecture-desk1 ,step by step1 deliberate ,because of his cranium's over-freight1 ,three parts sublime to one grotesque1 ,if ,i have proved an accurate guesser1 ,the hawk-nosed high-cheek-boned ,professor4 ,i felt at once as if there ran ,a shoot of love from my heart to the man-- ,that sallow virgin-minded studious ,martyr to mild enthusiasm1 ,as he uttered a kind of cough-preludious ,that woke my sympathetic spasm1 7,beside some spitting that made me sorry7 ,and stood1 surveying his auditory ,with a wan pure look1 well-nigh celestial1-- ,those blue eyes had survived so much6 ,while1 under the foot they could not smutch1 ,lay all the fleshly and the bestial4 ,over he bowed1 and arranged his notes1 ,till the auditory's clearing of throats ,was done with1 died into a silence2 ,and1 when each glance was upward sent1 ,each bearded mouth composed intent1 ,and a pin might be heard drop half a mile hence1-- ,he pushed back higher his spectacles1 ,let the eyes stream out like lamps from cells1 ,and giving his head of hair--a hake ,of undressed tow1 for colour and quantity-- ,one rapid and impatient shake1 7,as our own ,young ,england adjusts a jaunty tie ,when about to impart1 on mature digestion1 ,some thrilling view of the surplice-question7 --,the ,professor's grave voice1 sweet though hoarse1 ,broke into his ,christmas-,eve discourse4 ,,xv ,and he began it by observing ,how reason dictated that men ,should rectify the natural swerving1 ,by a reversion1 now and then1 ,to the well-heads of knowledge1 few ,and far away1 whence rolling grew ,the life-stream wide whereat we drink1 ,commingled1 as we needs must think1 ,with waters alien to the source2 ,to do which1 aimed this eve's discourse2 ,since1 where could be a fitter time ,for tracing backward to its prime ,this ,christianity1 this lake1 ,this reservoir1 whereat we slake1 ,from one or other bank1 our thirst8 ,so1 he proposed inquiring first ,into the various sources whence ,this ,myth of ,christ is derivable2 ,demanding from the evidence1 7,since plainly no such life was livable7 ,how these phenomena should class8 ,whether 'twere best opine ,christ was1 ,or never was at all1 or whether ,he was and was not1 both together-- ,it matters little for the name1 ,so the idea be left the same4 ,only1 for practical purpose' sake1 ',twas obviously as well to take ,the popular story1--understanding ,how the ineptitude of the time1 ,and the penman's prejudice1 expanding ,fact into fable fit for the clime1 ,had1 by slow and sure degrees1 translated it ,into this myth1 this ,individuum1-- ,which1 when reason had strained and abated it ,of foreign matter1 left1 for residuum1 ,a ,man6--a right true man1 however1 ,whose work was worthy a man's endeavour3 ,work1 that gave warrant almost sufficient ,to his disciples1 for rather believing ,he was just omnipotent and omniscient1 ,as it gives to us1 for as frankly receiving ,his word1 their tradition1--which1 though it meant ,something entirely different ,from all that those who only heard it1 ,in their simplicity thought and averred it1 ,had yet a meaning quite as respectable3 ,for1 among other doctrines delectable1 ,was he not surely the first to insist on ,the natural sovereignty of our race8-- ,here the lecturer came to a pausing-place4 ,and while his cough1 like a drouthy piston1 ,tried to dislodge the husk that grew to him1 ,i seized the occasion of bidding adieu to him1 ,the vesture still within my hand4 ,,xvi ,i could interpret its command4 ,this time he would not bid me enter ,the exhausted air-bell of the ,critic4 ,truth's atmosphere may grow mephitic ,when ,papist struggles with ,dissenter1 ,impregnating its pristine clarity1 --,one1 by his daily fare's vulgarity1 ,its gust of broken meat and garlic2 --,one1 by his soul's too-much presuming ,to turn the frankincense's fuming ,and vapours of the candle starlike ,into the cloud her wings she buoys on4 ,each1 that thus sets the pure air seething1 ,may poison it for healthy breathing-- ,but the ,critic leaves no air to poison2 ,pumps out with ruthless ingenuity ,atom by atom1 and leaves you--vacuity4 ,thus much of ,christ does he reject8 ,and what retain8 ,his intellect8 ,what is it ,i must reverence duly8 ,poor intellect for worship1 truly1 ,which tells me simply what was told 7,if mere morality1 bereft ,of the ,god in ,christ1 be all that's left7 ,elsewhere by voices manifold2 ,with this advantage1 that the stater ,made nowise the important stumble ,of adding1 he1 the sage and humble1 ,was also one with the ,creator4 ,you urge ,christ's followers' simplicity3 ,but how does shifting blame1 evade it8 ,have wisdom's words no more felicity8 ,the stumbling-block1 his speech--who laid it8 ,how comes it that for one found able ,to sift the truth of it from fable1 ,millions believe it to the letter8 ,christ's goodness1 then--does that fare better8 ,strange goodness1 which upon the score ,of being goodness1 the mere due ,of man to fellow-man1 much more ,to ,god1--should take another view ,of its possessor's privilege1 ,and bid him rule his race6 ,you pledge ,your fealty to such rule8 ,what1 all-- ,from heavenly ,john and ,attic ,paul1 ,and that brave weather-battered ,peter1 ,whose stout faith only stood completer ,for buffets1 sinning to be pardoned1 ,as1 more his hands hauled nets1 they hardened1-- ,all1 down to you1 the man of men1 ,professing here at ,gottingen1 ,compose ,christ's flock6 ,they1 you and ,i1 ,are sheep of a good man6 ,and why8 ,the goodness1--how did he acquire it8 ,was it self-gained1 did ,god inspire it8 ,choose which2 then tell me1 on what ground ,should its possessor dare propound ,his claim to rise o'er us an inch8 ,were goodness all some man's invention1 ,who arbitrarily made mention ,what we should follow1 and whence flinch1-- ,what qualities might take the style ,of right and wrong1--and had such guessing ,met with as general acquiescing ,as graced the alphabet erewhile1 ,when ,a got leave an ,ox to be1 ,no ,camel 7quoth the ,jews7 like ,g991-- 99,footnote3 ,gimel1 the ,hebrew ,g1 means camel4 ,for thus inventing thing and title ,worship were that man's fit requital4 ,but if the common conscience must ,be ultimately judge1 adjust ,its apt name to each quality ,already known1--,i would decree ,worship for such mere demonstration ,and simple work of nomenclature1 ,only the day ,i praised1 not nature1 ,but ,harvey1 for the circulation4 ,i would praise such a ,christ1 with pride ,and joy1 that he1 as none beside1 ,had taught us how to keep the mind ,god gave him1 as ,god gave his kind1 ,freer than they from fleshly taint3 ,i would call such a ,christ our ,saint1 ,as ,i declare our ,poet1 him ,whose insight makes all others dim3 ,a thousand poets pried at life1 ,and only one amid the strife ,rose to be ,shakespeare3 each shall take ,his crown1 ,i'd say1 for the world's sake-- ,though some objected--,had we seen ,the heart and head of each1 what screen ,was broken there to give them light1 ,while in ourselves it shuts the sight1 ,we should no more admire1 perchance1 ,that these found truth out at a glance1 ,than marvel how the bat discerns ,some pitch-dark cavern's fifty turns1 ,led by a finer tact1 a gift ,he boasts1 which other birds must shift ,without1 and grope as best they can4 ,no1 freely ,i would praise the man1-- ,nor one whit more1 if he contended ,that gift of his1 from ,god descended4 ,ah friend1 what gift of man's does not8 ,no nearer something1 by a jot1 ,rise an infinity of nothings ,than one3 take ,euclid for your teacher3 ,distinguish kinds3 do crownings1 clothings1 ,make that creator which was creature8 ,multiply gifts upon man's head1 ,and what1 when all's done1 shall be said ,but--the more gifted he1 ,i ween6 ,that one's made ,christ1 this other1 ,pilate1 ,and this might be all that has been1-- ,so what is there to frown or smile at8 ,what is left for us1 save1 in growth ,of soul1 to rise up1 far past both1 ,from the gift looking to the giver1 ,and from the cistern to the river1 ,and from the finite to infinity1 ,and from man's dust to ,god's divinity8 ,,xvii ,take all in a word3 the truth in ,god's breast ,lies trace for trace upon curs impressed3 ,though he is so bright and we so dim1 ,we are made in his image to witness him3 ,and were no eye in us to tell1 ,instructed by no inner sense1 ,the light of heaven from the dark of hell1 ,that light would want its evidence1-- ,though justice1 good and truth were still ,divine1 if1 by some demon's will1 ,hatred and wrong had been proclaimed ,law through the worlds1 and right misnamed4 ,no mere exposition of morality ,made or in part or in totality1 ,should win you to give it worship1 therefore3 ,and1 if no better proof you will care for1 --,whom do you count the worst man upon earth8 ,be sure1 he knows1 in his conscience1 more ,of what right is1 than arrives at birth ,in the best man's acts that we bow before3 ,this last knows better--true1 but my fact is1 ',tis one thing to know1 and another to practise4 ,and thence ,i conclude that the real ,god-function ,is to furnish a motive and injunction ,for practising what we know already4 ,and such an injunction and such a motive ,as the ,god in ,christ1 do you waive1 and heady1 ,high-minded1 hang your tablet-votive ,outside the fane on a finger-post8 ,morality to the uttermost1 ,supreme in ,christ as we all confess1 ,why need we prove would avail no jot ,to make him ,god1 if ,god he were not8 ,what is the point where himself lays stress8 ,does the precept run ,believe in good1 ,in justice1 truth1 now understood ,for the first time8--or1 ,believe in me1 ,who lived and died1 yet essentially ,am ,lord of ,life8 ,whoever can take ,the same to his heart and for mere love's sake ,conceive of the love1--that man obtains ,a new truth2 no conviction gains ,of an old one only1 made intense ,by a fresh appeal to his faded sense4 ,,xviii ,can it be that he stays inside8 ,is the vesture left me to commune with8 ,could my soul find aught to sing in tune with ,even at this lecture1 if she tried8 ,oh1 let me at lowest sympathize ,with the lurking drop of blood that lies ,in the desiccated brain's white roots ,without throb for ,christ's attributes1 ,as the lecturer makes his special boast6 ,if love's dead there1 it has left a ghost4 ,admire we1 how from heart to brain 7,though to say so strike the doctors dumb7 ,one instinct rises and falls again1 ,restoring the equilibrium4 ,and how when the ,critic had done his best1 ,and the pearl of price1 at reason's test1 ,lay dust and ashes levigable ,on the ,professor's lecture-table1-- ,when we looked for the inference and monition ,that our faith1 reduced to such condition1 ,be swept forthwith to its natural dust-hole1-- ,he bids us1 when we least expect it1 ,take back our faith1--if it be not just whole1 ,yet a pearl indeed1 as his tests affect it1 ,which fact pays damage done rewardingly1 ,so1 prize we our dust and ashes accordingly6 ,go home and venerate the myth ,i thus have experimented with-- ,this man1 continue to adore him ,rather than all who went before him1 ,and all who ever followed after6-- ,surely for this ,i may praise you1 my brother6 ,will you take the praise in tears or laughter8 ,that's one point gained3 can ,i compass another8 ,unlearned love was safe from spurning-- ,can't we respect your loveless learning8 ,let us at least give learning honour6 ,what laurels had we showered upon her1 ,girding her loins up to perturb ,our theory of the ,middle ,verb2 ,or ,turk-like brandishing a scimitar ,o'er anapasts in comic-trimeter2 ,or curing the halt and maimed ',iketides1' ,footnote3 ,the ,suppliants1 a fragment of a play by ,aeschylus4 ,while we lounged on at our indebted ease3 ,instead of which1 a tricksy demon ,sets her at ,titus or ,philemon6 ,when ignorance wags his ears of leather ,and hates ,god's word1 'tis altogether2 ,nor leaves he his congenial thistles ,to go and browse on ,paul's ,epistles4 --,and you1 the audience1 who might ravage ,the world wide1 enviably savage1 ,nor heed the cry of the retriever1 ,more than ,herr ,heine 7before his fever71-- ,i do not tell a lie so arrant ,as say my passion's wings are furled up1 ,and1 without plainest heavenly warrant1 ,i were ready and glad to give the world up-- ,but still1 when you rub brow meticulous1 ,and ponder the profit of turning holy ,if not for ,god's1 for your own sake solely1 --,god forbid ,i should find you ridiculous6 ,deduce from this lecture all that eases you1 ,nay1 call yourselves1 if the calling pleases you1 ,christians1--abhor the deist's pravity1-- ,go on1 you shall no more move my gravity ,than1 when ,i see boys ride a-cockhorse1 ,i find it in my heart to embarrass them ,by hinting that their stick's a mock horse1 ,and they really carry what they say carries them4 ,,xix ,so sat ,i talking with my mind4 ,i did not long to leave the door ,and find a new church1 as before1 ,but rather was quiet and inclined ,to prolong and enjoy the gentle resting ,from further tracking and trying and testing4 ,this tolerance is a genial mood6 7,said ,i1 and a little pause ensued74 ,one trims the bark 'twixt shoal and shelf1 ,and sees1 each side1 the good effects of it1 ,a value for religion's self1 ,a carelessness about the sects of it4 ,let me enjoy my own conviction1 ,not watch my neighbour's faith with fretfulness1 ,still spying there some dereliction ,of truth1 perversity1 forgetfulness6 ,better a mild indifferentism1 ,teaching that both our faiths 7though duller ,his shine through a dull spirit's prism7 ,originally had one colour6 ,better pursue a pilgrimage ,through ancient and through modern times ,to many peoples1 various climes1 ,where ,i may see saint1 savage1 sage ,fuse their respective creeds in one ,before the general ,father's throne6 ,,xx --',twas the horrible storm began afresh6 ,the black night caught me in his mesh1 ,whirled me up1 and flung me prone4 ,i was left on the college-step alone4 ,i looked1 and far there1 ever fleeting ,far1 far away1 the receding gesture1 ,and looming of the lessening vesture6-- ,swept forward from my stupid hand1 ,while ,i watched my foolish heart expand ,in the lazy glow of benevolence1 ,o'er the various modes of man's belief4 ,i sprang up with fear's vehemence4 ,needs must there be one way1 our chief ,best way of worship3 let me strive ,to find it1 and when found1 contrive ,my fellows also take their share6 ,this constitutes my earthly care3 ,god's is above it and distinct4 ,for ,i1 a man1 with men am linked ,but not a brute with brutes2 no gain ,that ,i experience1 must remain ,unshared3 but should my best endeavour ,to share it1 fail--subsisteth ever ,god's care above1 and ,i exult ,that ,god1 by ,god's own ways occult1 ,may--doth1 ,i will believe--bring back ,all wanderers to a single track4 ,meantime1 ,i can but testify ,god's care for me--no more1 can ,i-- ,it is but for myself ,i know2 ,the world rolls witnessing around me ,only to leave me as it found me2 ,men cry there1 but my ear is slow3 ,there races flourish or decay --,what boots it1 while yon lucid way ,loaded with stars divides the vault8 ,but soon my soul repairs its fault ,when1 sharpening sense's hebetude1 ,she turns on my own life6 ,so viewed1 ,no mere mote's-breadth but teems immense ,with witnessings of providence3 ,and woe to me if when ,i look ,upon that record1 the sole book ,unsealed to me1 ,i take no heed ,of any warning that ,i read6 ,have ,i been sure1 this ,christmas-,eve1 ,god's own hand did the rainbow weave1 ,whereby the truth from heaven slid ,into my soul8--,i cannot bid ,the world admit he stooped to heal ,my soul1 as if in a thunder-peal ,where one heard noise1 and one saw flame1 ,i only knew he named my name3 ,but what is the world to me1 for sorrow ,or joy in its censure1 when to-morrow ,it drops the remark1 with just-turned head ,then1 on again1 ',that man is dead'8 ,yes1 but for me--my name called1--drawn ,as a conscript's lot from the lap's black yawn1 ,he has dipt into on a battle-dawn3 ,bid out of life by a nod1 a glance1-- ,stumbling1 mute-mazed1 at nature's chance1 ,with a rapid finger circled round1 ,fixed to the first poor inch of ground ,to fight from1 where his foot was found2 ,whose ear but a minute since lay free ,to the wide camp's buzz and gossipry-- ,summoned1 a solitary man ,to end his life where his life began1 ,from the safe glad rear1 to the dreadful van6 ,soul of mine1 hadst thou caught and held ,by the hem of the vesture6-- ,,xxi ,and ,i caught ,at the flying robe1 and unrepelled ,was lapped again in its folds full-fraught ,with warmth and wonder and delight1 ,god's mercy being infinite4 ,for scarce had the words escaped my tongue1 ,when1 at a passionate bound1 ,i sprung1 ,out of the wandering world of rain1 ,into the little chapel again4 ,,xxii ,how else was ,i found there1 bolt upright ,on my bench1 as if ,i had never left it8 --,never flung out on the common at night1 ,nor met the storm and wedge-like cleft it1 ,seen the raree-show of ,peter's successor1 ,or the laboratory of the ,professor6 ,for the ,vision1 that was true1 ,i wist1 ,true as that heaven and earth exist4 ,there sat my friend1 the yellow and tall1 ,with his neck and its wen in the selfsame place2 ,yet my nearest neighbour's cheek showed gall4 ,she had slid away a contemptuous space3 ,and the old fat woman1 late so placable1 ,eyed me with symptoms hardly mistakable1 ,of her milk of kindness turning rancid4 ,in short1 a spectator might have fancied ,that ,i had nodded1 betrayed by slumber4 ,yet kept my scat1 a warning ghastly1 ,through the heads of the sermon1 nine in number1 ,and woke up now at the tenth and lastly4 ,but again1 could such disgrace have happened8 ,each friend at my elbow had surely nudged it2 ,and1 as for the sermon1 where did my nap end8 ,unless ,i heard it1 could ,i have judged it8 ,could ,i report as ,i do at the close1 ,first1 the preacher speaks through his nose3 ,second1 his gesture is too emphatic3 ,thirdly1 to waive what's pedagogic1 ,the subject-matter itself lacks logic3 ,fourthly1 the ,english is ungrammatic4 ,great news6 the preacher is found no ,pascal1 ,whom1 if ,i pleased1 ,i might to the task call ,of making square to a finite eye ,the circle of infinity1 ,and find so all-but-just-succeeding6 ,great news6 the sermon proves no reading ,where bee-like in the flowers ,i bury me1 ,like ,taylor's the immortal ,jeremy6 ,and now that ,i know the very worst of him1 ,what was it ,i thought to obtain at first of him8 ,ha6 ,is ,god mocked1 as he asks1 ,shall ,i take on me to change his tasks1 ,and dare1 despatched to a river-head ,for a simple draught of the element1 ,neglect the thing for which he sent1 ,and return with another thing instead8-- ,saying1 ,because the water found ,welling up from the underground1 ,is mingled with the taints of earth1 ,while thou1 ,i know1 dost laugh at dearth1 ,and couldst1 at wink or word1 convulse ,the world with the leap of a river-pulse1-- ,therefore ,i turned from the oozings muddy1 ,and bring thee a chalice ,i found1 instead2 ,see the brave veins in the breccia ruddy6 ,one would suppose that the marble bled4 ,what matters the water8 ,a hope ,i have nursed3 ,the waterless cup will quench my thirst4 --,better have knelt at the poorest stream ,that trickles in pain from the straitest rift6 ,for the less or the more is all ,god's gift1 ,who blocks up or breaks wide the granite-seam4 ,and here1 is there water or not1 to drink8 ,i then1 in ignorance and weakness1 ,taking ,god's help1 have attained to think ,my heart does best to receive in meekness ,that mode of worship1 as most to his mind1 ,where earthly aids being cast behind1 ,his ,all in ,all appears serene ,with the thinnest human veil between1 ,letting the mystic lamps1 the seven1 ,the many motions of his spirit1 ,pass1 as they list1 to earth from heaven4 ,for the preacher's merit or demerit1 ,it were to be wished the flaws were fewer ,in the earthen vessel1 holding treasure ,which lies as safe in a golden ewer2 ,but the main thing is1 does it hold good measure8 ,heaven soon sets right all other matters6-- ,ask1 else1 these ruins of humanity1 ,this flesh worn out to rags and tatters1 ,this soul at struggle with insanity1 ,who thence take comfort--can ,i doubt8-- ,which an empire gained were a loss without4 ,may it be mine6 ,and let us hope ,that no worse blessing befall the ,pope1 ,turned sick at last of to-day's buffoonery1 ,of posturings and petticoatings1 ,beside his ,bourbon bully's gloatings ,in the bloody orgies of drunk poltroonery6 ,nor may the ,professor forego its peace ,at ,gottingen presently1 when1 in the dusk ,of his life1 if his cough1 as ,i fear1 should increase1 ,prophesied of by that horrible husk-- ,when thicker and thicker the darkness fills ,the world through his misty spectacles1 ,and he gropes for something more substantial ,than a fable1 myth or personification1-- ,may ,christ do for him what no mere man shall1 ,and stand confessed as the ,god of salvation6 ,meantime1 in the still recurring fear ,lest myself1 at unawares1 be found1 ,while attacking the choice of my neighbours round1 ,with none of my own made--,i choose here6 ,the giving out of the hymn reclaims me2 ,i have done3 and if any blames me1 ,thinking that merely to touch in brevity ,the topics ,i dwell on1 were unlawful1-- ,or worse1 that ,i trench1 with undue levity1 ,on the bounds of the holy and the awful1-- ,i praise the heart1 and pity the head of him1 ,and refer myself to ,,thee1 instead of him1 ,who head and heart alike discernest ,looking below light speech we utter1 ,when frothy spume and frequent sputter ,prove that the soul's depths boil in earnest6 ,may truth shine out1 stand ever before us6 ,i put up pencil and join chorus ,to ,hepzibah ,tune1 without further apology1 ,the last five verses of the third section ,of the seventeenth hymn of ,whitfield's ,collection1 ,to conclude with the doxology4