----------------------------------------
--------------------------------        
,transcriber's ,note3    ,this version  
of the text cannot represent certain    
typographical effects4  ,italics are    
delimited with the #8' character as     
italic4    ,footnotes have been moved to
 follow the paragraphs in which they are
  referenced4    ,minor errors1         
attributable to the printer1 have been  
corrected4 ,please  see the             
transcriber's note at the end of this   
text for details regarding  the handling
 of any textual issues encountered      
during its preparation4                 
,illustration3      ,view of the        
,parsonage in ,cranbury1 ,new-,jersey1  
,july1 #ahcc4    ,occupying the ground  
where ,brainerd preached to the         
,indians1 #agdf4                        
,,the                                   
,,life                                  
,,of                            ,,rev4  
,,david ,,brainerd1                     
,,chiefly ,,extracted ,,from ,,his      

,,diary4                                
------------------------------------    
,,by ,,president ,,edwards4             
------------------------------------    
,,somewhat ,,abridged4                  
,,embracing1                            
,,in ,,the ,,chronological ,,order      
,,brainerd',s ,,public ,,journal        
,,of ,,the                              
,,most ,,successful ,,year              
,,of ,,his                              
,,missionary ,,labors4                  
,,published ,,by ,,the                  
,,american ,,tract ,,society1           
#aej ,,nassau-,,street1 ,,new ,,york4   
,it is a striking characteristic of the 
life of ,,brainerd1 from the time  of   
his entering on the study of ,theology  
till his death1 that he daily  8walked  
with ,god10 or mourned the absence of   
the light of his  countenance4          
,president ,edwards has endeavored to   
exhibit the state of  his mind each day1
 as described in his diary4 ,in this    
edition1 many  passages thus inserted by

 ,edwards1 especially such as much      
resembled  those preceding or following1
 have been omitted4                     
,,contents                              
,page4     ,president ,edwards' ,preface
                                        
#e     ,,chap ,i4--,from his birth to   
the time when he began to study for the 
#i     ministry--containing his own     
narrative of his conversion1 his        
connection with ,yale ,college and the  
grounds of his expulsion     ,,chap4    
,,ii4--,from about the time when he     
began the study of             #cb      
theology1 till he was licensed to preach
     ,,chap4 ,,iii4--,from his being    
licensed to preach1 till he was         
#de     commissioned as a missionary    
,,chap4 ,,iv4--,from his appointment as 
a missionary1 to his commencing    #eb  
his mission among the ,indians at       
,kaunaumeek1 in ,new-,york     ,,chap4  
,v4--,his labors for nearly a year at   
,kaunaumeek--temporal         #fa       
deprivations and sufferings--establishes

 a school--confession     offered to the
 ,faculty of ,yale ,college--days of    
fasting--methods     of instructing  the
 ,indians--visit to ,new-,jersey and    
,connecticut--commencement  of labor    
among the ,indians at the     ,forks of 
,delaware--ordination     ,,chap4       
,,vi4--,labors for the ,indians at and  
near the ,forks of            #ie       
,delaware--idolatrous feast and         
dance--journey through the              
wilderness to ,opeholhaupung1 on the    
,susquehanna--erects a     cottage at   
the ,forks of ,delaware--some evidences 
of a work of     the ,spirit among the  
,indians--journey to ,new-,england1 to  
obtain     funds to support a           
colleague--visit to the ,indians on the 
,susquehanna--journey to ,crossweeksung1
 in ,new-,jersey     ,,chap4            
,,vii4--,being ,part ,i4 of his public  
,journal of 8the ,rise and     #acb     
,progress of a remarkable ,work of      
,grace among the ,indians in            
,new-,jersey and ,pennsylvania2 kept by 

order of the ,society in     ,scotland  
for propagating ,christian              
,knowledge0--commencement of     his    
labors at ,crossweeksung--renewal of    
labor at the ,forks of                  
,delaware--conversion of his            
interpreter--return to                  
,crossweeksung--outpouring of the       
,spirit--visit to the ,forks of         
,delaware and the ,susquehanna--a       
powaw--a conjurer--renewal of     labor 
at ,crossweeksung--remarks on the work  
of divine grace     ,,chap4             
,,viii4--,being ,part ,,ii4 of his      
public ,journal of 8the            #aid 
,continuance and ,progress of a         
,remarkable ,work of ,grace among       
the ,indians in ,new-,jersey and        
,pennsylvania2 kept by order of     the 
,society in ,scotland for propagating   
,christian     ,knowledge0--renewal of  
labor at ,crossweeksung--outpouring of  
the     ,spirit--remarkable case--signal
 displays of divine power--a            
convert--a number of ,christian ,indians

 accompany him to the     ,forks of     
,delaware--striking conversion at       
,crossweeksung--day of                  
fasting--,lord's supper--conversion of a
 conjurer--general remarks     on the   
preceding narrative     ,,chap4         
,,ix4--,from the close of his public    
,journal1 ,june #ai1 #agdf1 to   #bgh   
his death1 ,october #i1                 
#agdg--;continuance of labor at         
,crossweeksung and ,cranberry--journey  
with six ,christian ,indians     to the 
,susquehanna1 and labors there--return  
to     ,crossweeksung--compelled by     
prostration of health to leave the      
,indians--confinement by sickness at    
,elizabethtown--farewell visit     to   
the ,indians--his brother ,john succeeds
 him as a     missionary--arrival among 
his friends in ,connecticut--visit to   
,president ,edwards1 in                 
,northampton--journey to ,boston1 where 
he     is brought near to               
death--usefulness in ,boston--return to 
,northampton--triumphs of grace in his  

last sickness--death     ,,chap4        
,x4--,reflections on the preceding      
memoir                        #cde      
,,from                                  
,,president ,,edwards' ,,preface4       
,there is one thing1 easily discernible 
in the life of ,,brainerd1 which by     
many may be considered an objection to  
the extraordinary evidences of  his     
religion and devotion1 viz4 that he was1
 by his constitution and  natural       
temper1 so prone to melancholy and      
dejection of ,spirit4 ,there  are some  
who think that all religion is a        
melancholy thing2 and that  what is     
called ,christian experience is little  
else beside melancholy1  disturbing the 
brain1 and exciting enthusiastic        
imaginations4 ,but that  ,brainerd's    
temper or constitution inclined him to  
despondency1 is no  just ground for     
supposing that his extraordinary        
devotion was only the  fruit of a warm  
imagination4 ,notwithstanding this      
inclination to  despondency1 he was     

evidently one of those who usually are  
the farthest  from a teeming            
imagination2 being of a penetrating     
genius1 of clear  thought1 of close     
reasoning1 and a very exact judgment2 as
 was apparent  to all who knew him4 ,as 
he had a great insight into human       
nature1 and  was very discerning and    
judicious in general2 so he excelled in 
his  judgment and knowledge in divinity1
 but especially in experimental         
religion4 ,he most accurately           
distinguished between real1 solid piety1
  and enthusiasm2 between those         
affections that are rational and        
scriptural1 having their foundation in  
light and judgment1 and those  that are 
founded in whimsical conceits1 strong   
impressions on the  imagination1 and    
vehement emotions of the animal spirits4
 ,he was  exceedingly sensible of men's 
exposure to these things2 how           
extensively  they had prevailed1 and    
what multitudes had been deceived by    
them2 of  their pernicious consequences1

 and the fearful mischief they had done 
in  the ,christian world4 ,he had no    
confidence in such a religion1 and was  
abundant in bearing testimony against   
it1 living and dying2 and was  quick to 
discern when any thing of that nature   
arose1 though in its  first buddings1   
and appearing under the most fair and   
plausible  disguises4 ,he had a talent1 
which ,i scarcely ever knew equalled1   
for  describing the various workings of 
this imaginary enthusiastic  religion1  
evincing its falseness and vanity1 and  
demonstrating the great  difference     
between this and true spiritual         
devotion4    ,his judiciousness did not 
only appear in distinguishing among the 
experiences of others1 but also among   
the various exercises of his  own mind2 
particularly in discerning what within  
himself was to be laid  to the score of 
melancholy2 in which he exceeded all    
melancholy  persons that ever ,i was    
acquainted with4 ,this was doubtless    
owing to a  peculiar strength in his    

judgment2 for it is a rare thing indeed1
 that  persons under the influence of   
melancholy are sensible of their own    
disease1 and convinced that such things 
are to be ascribed to it1 as are  its   
genuine operations and fruits4 ,brainerd
 did not obtain that degree  of skill at
 once1 but gradually2 as the reader may 
discern by the  following account of his
 life4 ,in the former part of his       
religious  course1 he imputed much of   
that kind of gloominess of mind to      
spiritual  desertion1 which in the      
latter part of his life he was          
abundantly  sensible was owing to the   
disease of melancholy2 accordingly he   
often  expressly speaks of it in his    
diary1 as arising from this cause4 ,he  
often in conversation spoke of the      
difference between melancholy and  godly
 sorrow2 between true humiliation and   
spiritual desertion2 and the  great     
danger of mistaking the one for the     
other1 and the very hurtful  nature of  
melancholy2 discoursing with great      

judgment upon it1 and  doubtless much   
more judiciously for what he knew by his
 own experience4    ,another            
imperfection in ,brainerd1 which may be 
observed in the following  account of   
his life1 was his being excessive in his
 labors2 not taking  due care to        
proportion his fatigues to his strength4
 ,indeed1 the seeming  calls of         
,providence were very often such as made
 it extremely difficult  for him to     
avoid laboring beyond his strength2 yea1
 his circumstances1  and the business of
 his mission among the ,indians1 were   
such1 that great  fatigues and hardships
 were altogether inevitable4 ,however1  
he was  finally convinced that he had   
erred in this matter1 and that he ought 
to  have taken more thorough care1 and  
been more resolute to withstand         
temptations to such degrees of labor as 
injured his health2 and  accordingly he 
warned his brother1 who succeeded him in
 his mission1 to  be careful to avoid   
this error4    ,besides the             

imperfections already mentioned1 it is  
readily allowed that  there were some   
imperfections which ran through his     
whole life1 and were  mixed with all his
 religious affections and exercises2    
some mixture of  what was natural1 with 
that which was spiritual2 as it evermore
 is in  the best saints in this world4  
,doubtless1 natural temper had some     
influence in the religious exercises of 
,brainerd1 as it most apparently  had in
 those of the devout ,david1 and the    
,apostles ,peter1 ,john1 and  ,paul4    
,there was undoubtedly very often some  
mixture of melancholy with  true godly  
sorrow and real ,christian humility2    
some mixture of the  natural fire of    
youth1 with his holy zeal for ,god2 and 
some influence of  natural principles1  
mixed with grace in various other       
respects1 as it  ever was and ever will 
be with the saints1 while on this side  
heaven4  ,perhaps none were more        
sensible of ,brainerd's imperfections   
than  himself2 or could distinguish more

 accurately than he1 between what was   
natural and what was spiritual4 ,it is  
easy for the judicious reader to        
observe that his graces ripened1 that   
the religious exercises of his  heart   
became more and more pure1 and he more  
and more distinguishing in  his         
judgment1 the longer he lived4 ,he had  
much to teach and purify him1  and he   
failed not to profit thereby4           
,notwithstanding all these              
imperfections1 every pious and judicious
  reader will readily acknowledge that  
what is here set before him is a        
remarkable instance of true and eminent 
piety1 in heart and  practice--tending  
greatly to confirm the reality of vital 
religion1 and  the power of godliness2  
that it is most worthy of imitation1 and
 in many  ways calculated to promote the
 spiritual benefit of the careful       
observer4    ,the reader should be aware
 that what ,brainerd wrote in his diary1
 out  of which the following account of 
his life is chiefly taken1 was written  

only for his own private use2 and not to
 obtain honor and applause in  the      
world1 nor with any design that the     
world should ever see it1 either  while 
he lived1 or after his death2 except a  
few things which he wrote  in a dying   
state1 after he had been persuaded1 with
 difficulty1 not  entirely to suppress  
all his private writings4 ,he showed    
himself almost  invincibly averse to the
 publishing of any part of his diary    
after his  death2 and when he was       
thought to be dying at ,boston1 gave the
 most  strict1 peremptory orders to the 
contrary4 ,but being by some of his     
friends there1 prevailed upon to        
withdraw so strict and absolute a       
prohibition1 he was finally pleased to  
yield so far1 as that 8his papers       
should be left in my hands1 that ,i     
might dispose of them as ,i thought     
would be most for ,god's glory and the  
interest of religion40                  
,,jonathan ,,edwards4                   
----------------------------------------

--------------------------------        
,,life                                  
,,of                             ,,rev4 
,,david ,,brainerd4                     
------------------------------------    
,,chapter ,i4    ,from his birth to the 
time when he began to study for the     
,ministry--containing his own narrative 
of his conversion1 his      connection  
with ,yale-,college1 and the grounds of 
his expulsion4                          
,april #bj1 #agah-;,feb4 #agda4         
,david ,brainerd was born ,april #bj1   
#agah1 at ,haddam1 ,connecticut4 ,his   
father was ,hezekiah ,brainerd1 ,esq4   
and his mother1 ,dorothy ,hobart1       
daughter of the ,rev4 ,jeremiah ,hobart4
    ,he was the third son of his        
parents1 who had five sons and four     
daughters4 ,the oldest son was a        
respectable citizen of ,haddam2 the     
second was ,rev4 ,nehemiah ,brainerd1 a 
worthy minister in ,eastbury1 in        
,connecticut2 the fourth1 ,mr4 ,john    
,brainerd1 who succeeded his brother    

,david as missionary to the ,indians1   
and pastor of the same church of        
,christian ,indians in ,new-,jersey2 and
 the fifth was ,israel1 lately  student 
at ,yale-,college1 who died soon after  
his brother ,david4 ,their  mother1     
having lived about five years a widow1  
died when the subject of  this memoir   
was about fourteen years of age2 so that
 in his youth he was  left both         
fatherless and motherless4 ,the         
following is the account he has  himself
 given of the first twenty-three years  
of his life4    8,i was from my youth   
somewhat sober1 and inclined to         
melancholy2 but do  not remember any    
thing of conviction of sin1 worthy of   
remark1 till ,i  was1 ,i believe1 about 
seven or eight years of age4 ,then ,i   
became  concerned for my soul1 and      
terrified at the thoughts of death2 and 
was  driven to the performance of       
religious duties3 but it appeared a     
melancholy business that destroyed my   
eagerness for play4 ,and though1  alas6 

this religious concern was but          
short-lived1 ,i sometimes attended      
secret prayer2 and thus lived 8without  
,god in the world10 and without  much   
concern1 as ,i remember1 till ,i was    
above thirteen years of age4 ,in  the   
winter of #agcb ,i was roused out of    
this carnal security by1 ,i scarce  know
 what means at first2 but was much      
excited by the prevalence of a  mortal  
sickness in ,haddam4 ,i was frequent1   
constant1 and somewhat  fervent in      
prayer2 and took delight in reading1    
especially ,mr4 ,,janeway's  ,token for 
,children4 ,i felt sometimes much melted
 in the duties of  religion1 took great 
delight in the performance of them1 and 
sometimes  hoped that ,i was converted1 
or at least in a good and hopeful way   
for  heaven and happiness2 not knowing  
what conversion was4 ,the ,spirit of    
,god  at this time proceeded far with   
me4 ,i was remarkably dead to the world2
  my thoughts were almost wholly        
employed about my soul's concerns2 and  

,i  may indeed say1 8,almost ,i was     
persuaded to be a ,christian40 ,i was   
also  exceedingly distressed and        
melancholy at the death of my mother1 in
  ,march1 #agcb4 ,but afterward my      
religious concern began to decline1 and 
by  degrees ,i fell back into a         
considerable degree of security1 though 
,i  still attended secret prayer4       
8,about the #aeth of ,april1 #agcc1 ,i  
removed from my father's house to       
,east-,haddam1 where ,i spent four      
years2 but still 8without ,god in the   
world10 though1 for the most part1 ,i   
went a round of secret duty4 ,i was  not
 much addicted to the company and the   
amusements of the young2 but  this ,i   
know1 that when ,i did go into such     
company ,i never returned with  so good 
a conscience as when ,i went4 ,it always
 added new guilt1 made me  afraid to    
come to the throne of grace1 and spoiled
 those good frames  with which ,i was   
wont sometimes to please myself4 ,but1  
alas6 all my good  frames were but      

self-righteousness1 not founded on a    
desire for the  glory of ,god4          
8,about the end of ,april1 #agcg1 being 
full nineteen years of age1 ,i  removed 
to ,durham1 to work on my farm1 and     
continued about one year2  frequently   
longing after a liberal education4 ,when
 about twenty years of  age ,i applied  
myself to study2 and was now engaged    
more than ever in the  duties of        
religion4 ,i became very strict1 and    
watchful over my thoughts1  words1 and  
actions2 concluded that ,i must be sober
 indeed1 because ,i  designed to devote 
myself to the ministry2 and imagined    
that ,i did  dedicate myself to the     
,lord4    8,sometime in ,april1 #agch1  
,i went to live with ,rev4 ,mr4 ,fiske1 
of ,haddam1  and continued with him     
during his life4 ,i remember he advised 
me wholly  to abandon young company1 and
 associate myself with grave elderly    
people2 which counsel ,i followed4 ,my  
manner of life was now wholly  regular1 
and full of religion1 such as it was2   

for ,i read my bible more  than twice   
through in less than a year1 spent much 
time every day in  prayer and other     
secret duties1 gave great attention to  
the word  preached1 and endeavored to my
 utmost to retain it4 ,so much concerned
  was ,i about religion1 that ,i agreed 
with some young persons to meet         
privately on ,sabbath evenings for      
religious exercises1 and thought  myself
 sincere in these duties2 and after our 
meeting was ended ,i used  to repeat the
 discourses of the day to myself2       
recollecting what ,i  could1 though     
sometimes very late at night4 ,i used   
occasionally on  ,monday mornings to    
recollect the same sermons2 had         
sometimes pleasure in  religious        
exercises1 and had many thoughts of     
joining the church4 ,in  short1 ,i had a
 very good outside1 and rested entirely 
on my duties1  though ,i was not        
sensible of it4    8,after ,mr4 ,fiske's
 death ,i proceeded in my studies with  
my brother2 was  still very constant in 

religious duties1 often wondered at the 
levity of  professors1 and lamented     
their carelessness in religion4--,thus  
,i  proceeded a considerable length on a
 self-righteous foundation2 and  should 
have been entirely lost and undone had  
not the mere mercy of ,god  prevented4  
8,sometime in the beginning of winter1  
#agch1 it pleased ,god1 one ,sabbath    
morning1 as ,i was walking out for      
secret duties1 to give me on a sudden   
such a sense of my danger1 and the wrath
 of ,god1 that ,i stood amazed1  and my 
former good frames presently vanished4  
,from the view which ,i had  of my sin  
and vileness1 ,i was much distressed all
 that day1 fearing that  the vengeance  
of ,god would soon overtake me4 ,i was  
much dejected2 kept  much alone2 and    
sometimes envied the birds and beasts   
their happiness1  because they were not 
exposed to eternal misery1 as ,i        
evidently saw that  ,i was4 ,thus ,i    
lived from day to day1 being frequently 
in great distress3  sometimes there     

appeared mountains before me to obstruct
 my hopes of  mercy2 and the work of    
conversion appeared so great1 that ,i   
thought ,i  should never be the subject 
of it4 ,i used1 however1 to pray and cry
 to  ,god1 and perform other duties with
 great earnestness2 and thus hoped by   
some means to make the case better4     
8,hundreds of times ,i renounced all    
pretences of any worth in my duties1  as
 ,i thought1 even while performing them2
 and often confessed to ,god  that ,i   
deserved nothing for the very best of   
them1 but eternal  condemnation2 yet    
still ,i had a secret hope of           
recommending myself to  ,god by my      
religious duties4 ,when ,i prayed       
affectionately1 and my heart  seemed in 
some measure to melt1 ,i hoped that ,god
 would be thereby moved  to pity me4    
,there was1 then1 some appearance of    
goodness in my  prayers1 and ,i seemed  
to mourn for sin4 ,i could in some      
measure  venture on the mercy of ,god in
 ,christ1 as ,i thought2 though the     

preponderating thought1 the foundation  
of my hope was some imagination  of     
goodness in my meltings of heart1 the   
warmth of my affections1 and my         
extraordinary enlargements in prayer4   
,though at times the gate appeared  so  
very strait that it looked next to      
impossible to enter2 yet1 at other      
times ,i flattered myself that it was   
not so very difficult1 and hoped ,i     
should by diligence and watchfulness    
soon gain the point4 ,sometimes  after  
enlargement in duty and considerable    
affection1 ,i hoped ,i had made  a good 
step toward heaven1 and imagined that   
,god was affected as ,i  was1 and would 
hear such sincere cries1 as ,i called   
them4 ,and so  sometimes1 when ,i       
withdrew for secret prayer in great     
distress1 ,i  returned comfortable2 and 
thus healed myself with my duties4      
8,in ,february1 #agci1 ,i set apart a   
day for secret fasting and prayer1 and  
spent the day in almost incessant cries 
to ,god for mercy1 that he would  open  

my eyes to see the evil of sin1 and the 
way of life by ,jesus  ,christ4 ,god was
 pleased that day to make considerable  
discoveries of my  heart to me4 ,still  
,i trusted in all the duties ,i         
performed1 though  there was no manner  
of goodness in them2 there being in them
 no respect  to the glory of ,god1 nor  
any such principle in my heart4 ,yet    
,god was  pleased to make my endeavors1 
that day1 a means to show me my         
helplessness in some measure4           
8,sometimes ,i was greatly encouraged1  
and imagined that ,god loved me and  was
 pleased with me1 and thought ,i should 
soon be fully reconciled to  ,god4 ,but 
the whole was founded on mere           
presumption1 arising from  enlargement  
in duty1 or warmth of affections1 or    
some good resolutions1  or the like4    
,and when1 at times1 great distress     
began to arise on a  sight of my        
vileness and inability to deliver myself
 from a sovereign  ,god1 ,i used to put 
off the discovery1 as what ,i could not 

bear4 ,once1 ,i  remember1 a terrible   
pang of distress seized me2 and the     
thought of  renouncing myself1 and      
standing naked before ,god1 stripped of 
all  goodness1 was so dreadful to me    
that ,i was ready to say to it1 as      
,felix  to ,paul1 8,go thy way for this 
time40 ,thus1 though ,i daily longed for
  greater conviction of sin2 supposing  
that ,i must see more of my dreadful    
state in order to a remedy2 yet1 when   
the discoveries of my vile1 wicked      
heart were made to me1 the sight was so 
dreadful1 and showed me so  plainly my  
exposedness to damnation1 that ,i could 
not endure it4 ,i  constantly strove    
after whatever qualifications ,i        
imagined others  obtained before the    
reception of ,christ1 in order to       
recommend me to  his favor4 ,sometimes  
,i felt the power of a hard heart1 and  
supposed it  must be softened before    
,christ would accept of me2 and when ,i 
felt any  meltings of heart1 ,i hoped   
now the work was almost done4 ,hence1   

when my  distress still remained ,i was 
wont to murmur at ,god's dealings with  
me2  and thought1 when others felt their
 hearts softened1 ,god showed them      
mercy2 but my distress remained still4  
8,at times ,i grew remiss and sluggish1 
without any great convictions of  sin1  
for a considerable time together2 but   
after such a season  convictions        
sometimes seized me more violently4 ,one
 night ,i remember in  particular1 when 
,i was walking solitarily abroad1 ,i had
 opened to me  such a view of my sin    
that ,i feared the ground would cleave  
asunder  under my feet1 and become my   
grave2 and send my soul quick into hell1
  before ,i could get home4 ,though ,i  
was forced to go to bed1 lest my        
distress should be discovered by others1
 which ,i much feared2 yet ,i  scarcely 
durst sleep at all1 for ,i thought it   
would be a great wonder if  ,i should be
 out of hell in the morning4 ,and though
 my distress was  sometimes thus great1 
yet ,i greatly dreaded the loss of      

convictions1  and returning back to a   
state of carnal security1 and to my     
former  insensibility of impending      
wrath2 which made me exceedingly exact  
in my  behaviour1 lest ,i should stifle 
the motions of ,god's ,holy ,spirit4    
,when  at any time ,i took a view of my 
convictions1 and thought the degree of  
them to be considerable1 ,i was wont to 
trust in them2 but this  confidence1 and
 the hope of soon making some notable   
advances toward  deliverance1 would ease
 my mind1 and ,i soon became more       
senseless and  remiss4 ,again1 when ,i  
discerned my convictions to grow        
languid1 and  thought them about to     
leave me1 this immediately alarmed and  
distressed  me4 ,sometimes ,i expected  
to take a large step1 and get very far  
toward  conversion1 by some particular  
opportunity or means ,i had in view4    
8,the many disappointments1 the great   
distress and perplexity which ,i        
experienced1 put me into a most horrible
 frame of contesting with the  almighty2

 with inward vehemence and virulence    
finding fault with his  ways of dealing 
with mankind4 ,my wicked heart often    
wished for some  other way of salvation 
than by ,jesus ,christ4 ,being like the 
troubled  sea1 my thoughts confused1 ,i 
used to contrive to escape the wrath of 
,god  by some other means4 ,i had       
strange projects1 full of ,atheism1     
contriving  to disappoint ,god's designs
 and decrees concerning me1 or to escape
 his  notice and hide myself from him4  
,but when upon reflection ,i saw these  
projects were vain1 and would not serve 
me1 and that ,i could contrive  nothing 
for my own relief1 this would throw my  
mind into the most horrid  frame1 to    
wish there was no ,god1 or to wish there
 was some other ,god  that could control
 him4 ,these thoughts and desires were  
the secret  inclinations of my heart1   
frequently acting before ,i was aware2  
but1  alas6 they were mine1 although ,i 
was frightened when ,i came to reflect  
on them4 ,when ,i considered1 it        

distressed me to think that my heart was
  so full of enmity against ,god2 and it
 made me tremble1 lest his  vengeance   
should suddenly fall upon me4 ,i used   
before to imagine that my  heart was not
 so bad as the ,scriptures and some     
other books represented  it4 ,sometimes 
,i used to take much pains to work it up
 into a good frame1  a humble submissive
 disposition2 and hoped there was then  
some  goodness in me4 ,but1 on a sudden1
 the thoughts of the strictness of the  
law1 or the sovereignty of ,god1 would  
so irritate the corruption of my  heart 
that ,i had so watched over and hoped ,i
 had brought to a good  frame1 that it  
would break over all bounds1 and burst  
forth on all  sides1 like floods of     
waters when they break down their dam4  
8,being sensible of the necessity of    
deep humiliation in order to a  saving  
close with ,christ1 ,i used to set      
myself to produce in my own  heart the  
convictions requisite in such a         
humiliation3 as1 a  conviction that ,god

 would be just1 if he cast me off for   
ever2 that if  ever ,god should bestow  
mercy on me1 it would be mere grace1    
though ,i  should be in distress many   
years first1 and be never so much       
engaged in  duty2 and that ,god was not 
in the least obliged to pity me the more
 for  all past duties1 cries1 and tears4
 ,i strove to my utmost to bring myself 
to a firm belief of these things and a  
hearty assent to them2 and hoped  that  
now ,i was brought off from myself1     
truly humbled1 and that ,i  bowed to the
 divine sovereignty4 ,i was wont to tell
 ,god in my prayers1  that now ,i had   
those very dispositions of soul which he
 required1 and on  which he showed mercy
 to others1 and thereupon to beg and    
plead for  mercy to me4 ,but when ,i    
found no relief1 and was still oppressed
 with  guilt and fears of wrath1 my soul
 was in a tumult1 and my heart rose     
against ,god1 as dealing hardly with me4
 ,yet then my conscience flew in  my    
face1 putting me in mind of my late     

confession to ,god of his  justice in my
 condemnation4 ,this1 giving me a sight 
of the badness of  my heart1 threw me   
again into distress2 and ,i wished that 
,i had watched  my heart more narrowly1 
to keep it from breaking out against    
,god's  dealings with me4 ,i even wished
 that ,i had not pleaded for mercy on   
account of my humiliation2 because      
thereby ,i had lost all my seeming      
goodness4 ,thus1 scores of times ,i     
vainly imagined myself humbled and      
prepared for saving mercy4 ,while ,i was
 in this distressed1 bewildered1  and   
tumultuous state of mind1 the corruption
 of my heart was especially  irritated  
with the following things4    #a4 8,the 
strictness of the divine law4 ,for ,i   
found it was impossible  for me1 after  
my utmost pains1 to answer its demands4 
,i often made new  resolutions1 and as  
often broke them4 ,i imputed the whole  
to  carelessness1 and the want of being 
more watchful1 and used to call  myself 
a fool for my negligence4 ,but when1    

upon a stronger resolution1  and greater
 endeavors1 and close application to    
fasting and prayer1 ,i  found all       
attempts fail2 then ,i quarrelled with  
the law of ,god1 as  unreasonably rigid4
 ,i thought1 if it extended only to my  
outward  actions and behavior1 that ,i  
could bear with it2 but ,i found that it
  condemned me for my evil thoughts1 and
 sins of my heart1 which ,i could  not  
possibly prevent4 ,i was extremely loth 
to own my utter helplessness  in this   
matter3 but after repeated              
disappointments1 thought that rather    
than perish ,i could do a little more   
still2 especially if such and such      
circumstances might but attend my       
endeavors and strivings4 ,i hoped that  
,i should strive more earnestly than    
ever1 if the matter came to  extremity1 
though ,i never could find the time to  
do my utmost in the  manner ,i intended4
 ,this hope of future more favorable    
circumstances1 and  of doing something  
great hereafter1 kept me from utter     

despair in  myself1 and from seeing     
myself fallen into the hands of a       
sovereign ,god1  and dependent on       
nothing but free and boundless grace4   
#b4 8,another point that irritated me   
was1 that faith alone was the  condition
 of salvation2 that ,god would not come 
down to lower terms2  and that he would 
not promise life and salvation upon my  
sincere and  hearty prayers and         
endeavors4 ,that word1 ,mark #af3af1    
8,he that believeth  not shall be       
damned10 cut off all hope there4 ,i     
found that faith was the  sovereign gift
 of ,god2 that ,i could not get it as of
 myself2 and could  not oblige ,god to  
bestow it upon me by any of my          
performances1 ,eph4 #b3a1  #h4 8,this10 
,i was ready to say1 8is a hard saying1 
who can hear it80 ,i  could not bear    
that all ,i had done should stand for   
mere nothing2 as ,i  had been very      
conscientious in duty1 had been very    
religious a great  while1 and had1 as ,i
 thought1 done much more than many      

others who had  obtained mercy4 ,i      
confessed indeed the vileness of my     
duties2 but then  what made them at that
 time seem vile1 was my wandering       
thoughts in  them1 rather than because  
,i was all over defiled like a devil1   
and the  principle corrupt from whence  
they flowed1 so that ,i could not       
possibly  do any thing that was good4   
,hence ,i called what ,i did by the name
 of  honest faithful endeavors2 and     
could not bear it1 that ,god had made no
  promises of salvation to them4    #c4 
8,i could not find out what faith was2  
or what it was to believe  and come to  
,christ4 ,i read the calls of ,christ to
 the weary and heavy  laden2 but could  
find no way in which he directed them to
 come4 ,i  thought ,i would gladly come1
 if ,i knew how2 though the path of duty
 were  never so difficult4 ,i read      
,stoddard's ,guide to ,christ1 7which ,i
 trust  was1 in the hand of ,god1 the   
happy means of my conversion17 and my   
heart  rose against the author2 for     

though he told me my very heart all     
along  under convictions1 and seemed to 
be very beneficial to me in his         
directions2 yet here he seemed to me to 
fail3 he did not tell me any  thing ,i  
could do that would bring me to ,christ1
 but left me as it were  with a great   
gulph between me and ,christ1 without   
any direction how to  get through4 ,for 
,i was not yet effectually and          
experimentally taught1  that there could
 be no way prescribed1 whereby a natural
 man could1 of  his own strength1 obtain
 that which is supernatural1 and which  
the  highest angel cannot give4    #d4  
8,another point was the sovereignty of  
,god4 ,i could not bear that it  should 
be wholly at ,god's pleasure1 to save or
 damn me1 just as he  would4 ,that      
passage1 ,rom4 #i3aa-bc1 was a constant 
vexation to me1  especially verse #ba4  
,reading or meditating on this1 always  
destroyed my  seeming good frames2 for  
when ,i thought ,i was almost humbled1  
and almost  resigned1 this passage would

 make my enmity against ,god appear4    
,when ,i  came to reflect on the inward 
enmity and blasphemy which arose on this
  occasion1 ,i was the more afraid of   
,god1 and driven further from any  hopes
 of reconciliation with him4 ,it gave me
 a dreadful view of myself2  ,i dreaded 
more than ever to see myself in ,god's  
hands1 and it made me  more opposite    
than ever to submit to his sovereignty2 
for ,i thought ,he  designed my         
damnation4    8,all this time the       
,spirit of ,god was powerfully at work  
with me2 and ,i  was inwardly pressed to
 relinquish all self-confidence1 all    
hope of  ever helping myself by any     
means whatsoever4 ,the conviction of my 
lost  estate was sometimes so clear and 
manifest before my eyes that it was as  
if it had been declared to me in so many
 words1 8,it is done1 it is done1  it is
 for ever impossible to deliver         
yourself40 ,for about three or four     
days my soul was thus greatly           
distressed4 ,at some turns1 for a few   

moments1 ,i seemed to myself lost and   
undone2 but then would shrink back      
immediately from the sight1 because ,i  
dared not venture myself into the  hands
 of ,god1 as wholly helpless1 and at the
 disposal of his sovereign  pleasure4 ,i
 dared not see that important truth     
concerning myself1 that ,i  was 8dead in
 trespasses and sins40 ,but when ,i had1
 as it were1 thrust  away these views of
 myself at any time1 ,i felt distressed 
to have the  same discoveries of myself 
again2 for ,i greatly feared being given
 over  of ,god to final stupidity4 ,when
 ,i thought of putting it off to a more 
8convenient season10 the conviction was 
so close and powerful1 that the  present
 time was the best1 and probably the    
only time1 that ,i dared  not put it    
off4    8,it was the sight of truth     
concerning myself1 truth respecting my  
state1  as a creature fallen and        
alienated from ,god1 and that           
consequently could  make no demands on  
,god for mercy1 but was at his absolute 

disposal1 from  which my soul shrank    
away1 and which ,i trembled to think of 
beholding4  ,thus1 he that doeth evil1  
as all unregenerate men continually do1 
hates  the light of truth1 neither cares
 to come to it1 because it will reprove 
his deeds1 and show him his just        
deserts4 ,john1 #c3bj4 ,sometime before1
 ,i  had taken much pains1 as ,i        
thought1 to submit to the sovereignty of
 ,god2  yet ,i mistook the thing1 and   
did not once imagine1 that seeing and   
being  made experimentally sensible of  
this truth1 which my soul now so much   
dreaded and trembled at1 was the frame  
of soul which ,i had so earnestly       
desired4 ,i had ever hoped that when ,i 
had attained to that humiliation  which 
,i supposed necessary to precede faith1 
then it would not be fair  for ,god to  
cast me off2 but now ,i saw it was so   
far from any goodness  in me1 to own    
myself spiritually dead and destitute of
 all goodness1  that on the contrary1 my
 mouth would be for ever stopped by it2 

and it  looked as dreadful to me1 to see
 myself1 and the relation ,i stood in to
  ,god--,i a sinner and criminal1 and he
 a great ,judge and ,sovereign--as it   
would be to a poor trembling creature to
 venture off some high  precipice4      
,hence ,i put it off for a minute or    
two1 and tried for better  circumstances
 to do it in3 either ,i must read a     
passage or two1 or pray  first1 or      
something of the like nature2 or else   
put off my submission to  ,god with an  
objection1 that ,i did not know how to  
submit4 ,but the truth  was1 ,i could   
see no safety in owning myself in the   
hands of a sovereign  ,god1 and could   
lay no claim to any thing better than   
damnation4    8,after a considerable    
time spent in similar exercises and     
distress1 one  morning1 while ,i was    
walking in a solitary place1 as usual1  
,i at once  saw that all my contrivances
 and projects to effect or procure      
deliverance and salvation for myself    
were utterly in vain2 ,i was brought    

quite to a stand1 as finding myself     
totally lost4 ,i had thought many  times
 before1 that the difficulties in my way
 were very great2 but now ,i  saw1 in   
another and very different light1 that  
it was for ever  impossible for me to do
 any thing toward helping or delivering 
myself4 ,i  then thought of blaming     
myself1 that ,i had not done more1 and  
been more  engaged1 while ,i had        
opportunity--for it seemed now as if the
 season of  doing was for ever over and 
gone--but ,i instantly saw1 that let me 
have  done what ,i would1 it would no   
more have tended to my helping myself1  
than what ,i had done2 that ,i had made 
all the pleas ,i ever could have  made  
to all eternity2 and that all my pleas  
were vain4 ,the tumult that  had been   
before in my mind was now quieted2 and  
,i was somewhat eased of  that distress 
which ,i felt while struggling against a
 sight of myself1  and of the divine    
sovereignty4 ,i had the greatest        
certainty that my  state was for ever   

miserable1 for all that ,i could do2 and
 wondered that  ,i had never been       
sensible of it before4    8,while ,i    
remained in this state my notions       
respecting my duties were  quite        
different from what ,i had ever         
entertained in times past4 ,before      
this1 the more ,i did in duty1 the more 
hard ,i thought it would be for  ,god to
 cast me off2 though at the same time ,i
 confessed1 and thought ,i  saw1 that   
there was no goodness or merit in my    
duties2 but now1 the more  ,i did in    
prayer or any other duty1 the more ,i   
saw that ,i was indebted to  ,god for   
allowing me to ask for mercy2 for ,i saw
 that self interest had  led me to pray1
 and that ,i had never once prayed from 
any respect to the  glory of ,god4 ,now 
,i saw that there was no necessary      
connection between  my prayers and the  
bestowment of divine mercy2 that they   
laid not the  least obligation upon ,god
 to bestow his grace upon me2 and that  
there  was no more virtue or goodness in

 them than there would be in my         
paddling with my hand in the water1     
7which was the comparison ,i had  then  
in my mind27 and this because they were 
not performed from any love  or regard  
to ,god4 ,i saw that ,i had been heaping
 up my devotions before  ,god1 fasting1 
praying1 c4 pretending1 and indeed      
really thinking  sometimes1 that ,i was 
aiming at the glory of ,god2 whereas ,i 
never once  truly intended it1 but only 
my own happiness4 ,i saw that as ,i had 
never  done any thing for ,god1 ,i had  
no claim on any thing from him1 but     
perdition1 on account of my hypocrisy   
and mockery4 ,oh1 how different did  my 
duties now appear from what they used to
 do6 ,i used to charge them  with sin   
and imperfection2 but this was only on  
account of the wandering  and vain      
thoughts attending them1 and not because
 ,i had no regard to ,god  in them2 for 
this ,i thought ,i had4 ,but when ,i saw
 evidently that ,i had  had regard to   
nothing but self-interest2 then they    

appeared a vile  mockery of ,god1       
self-worship1 and a continued course of 
lies4 ,i saw that  something worse had  
attended my duties than barely a few    
wanderings2 for  the whole was nothing  
but self-worship1 and an horrid abuse of
 ,god4    8,i continued1 as ,i remember1
 in this state of mind from ,friday     
morning  till the ,sabbath evening      
following1 7,july #ab1 #agci17 when ,i  
was walking  again in the same solitary 
place where ,i was brought to see myself
 lost  and helpless1 as before          
mentioned4 ,here1 in a mournful         
melancholy state1  ,i was attempting to 
pray2 but found no heart to engage in   
prayer or any  other duty4 ,my former   
concern1 exercise1 and religious        
affections were  now gone4 ,i thought   
that the ,spirit of ,god had quite left 
me2 but still  was not distressed2 yet  
disconsolate1 as if there was nothing in
 heaven  or earth could make me happy4  
,having been thus endeavoring to        
pray--though1 as ,i thought1 very stupid

 and senseless--for near half an  hour2 
then1 as ,i was walking in a dark thick 
grove1 unspeakable glory  seemed to open
 to the view and apprehension of my     
soul4 ,i do not mean  any external      
brightness1 for ,i saw no such thing2   
nor do ,i intend any  imagination of a  
body of light1 somewhere in the third   
heavens1 or any  thing of that nature2  
but it was a new inward apprehension or 
view that  ,i had of ,god1 such as ,i   
never had before1 nor any thing which   
had the  least resemblance of it4 ,i    
stood still1 wondered1 and admired6 ,i  
knew  that ,i never had seen before any 
thing comparable to it for excellency   
and beauty2 it was widely different from
 all the conceptions that ever ,i  had  
of ,god1 or things divine4 ,i had no    
particular apprehension of any  one     
person in the ,trinity1 either the      
,father1 the ,son1 or the ,holy  ,ghost2
 but it appeared to be ,divine glory    
that ,i then beheld4 ,my soul  rejoiced 
with joy unspeakable1 to see such a     

,god1 such a glorious divine  ,being2   
and ,i was inwardly pleased and         
satisfied1 that he should be ,god  over 
all for ever and ever4 ,my soul was so  
captivated and delighted with  the      
excellency1 loveliness1 greatness1 and  
other perfections of ,god1  that ,i was 
even swallowed up in him2 at least to   
that degree that ,i had  no thought1 as 
,i remember1 at first1 about my own     
salvation1 and  scarce reflected that   
there was such a creature as myself4    
8,thus ,god1 ,i trust1 brought me to a  
hearty disposition to exalt him1  and   
set him on the throne1 and principally  
and ultimately to aim at his  honor and 
glory1 as ,king of the universe4 ,i     
continued in this state of  inward joy1 
peace and astonishment1 till near dark1 
without any sensible  abatement2 and    
then began to think and examine what ,i 
had seen2 and felt  sweetly composed in 
my mind all the evening following4 ,i   
felt myself in  a new world1 and every  
thing about me appeared with a different

 aspect  from what it was wont to do4   
8,at this time the way of salvation     
opened to me with such infinite  wisdom1
 suitableness1 and excellency1 that ,i  
wondered ,i should ever  think of any   
other way of salvation2 ,i was amazed   
that ,i had not dropped  my own         
contrivances and complied with this     
lovely1 blessed1 and  excellent way     
before4 ,if ,i could have been saved by 
my own duties1 or  any other way that ,i
 had formerly contrived1 my whole soul  
would now  have refused4 ,i wondered    
that all the world did not see and      
comply with  this way of salvation1     
entirely by the righteousness of        
,christ4    8,the sweet relish of what  
,i then felt continued with me for      
several  days1 almost constantly1 in a  
greater or less degree4 ,i could not but
  sweetly rejoice in ,god1 lying down   
and rising up4 ,the next ,lord's day ,i 
felt something of the same kind1 though 
not so powerful as before4 ,but  not    
long after1 ,i was again involved in    

darkness1 and in great distress2  yet   
not of the same kind with my distress   
under convictions4 ,i was  guilty1      
afraid1 and ashamed to come before ,god2
 and exceedingly pressed  with a sense  
of guilt2 but it was not long before ,i 
felt1 ,i trust1 true  repentance and joy
 in ,god4    8,in the beginning of      
,september ,i went to ,yale ,college1   
and entered  there2 but with some degree
 of reluctance1 lest ,i should not be   
able to  lead a life of strict religion 
in the midst of so many temptations4    
,after this1 in the vacation1 before ,i 
went to tarry at college1 it  pleased   
,god to visit my soul with clearer      
manifestations of himself and  his      
grace4 ,i was spending some time in     
prayer and self-examination1 when  the  
,lord1 by his grace1 so shined into my  
heart1 that ,i enjoyed full  assurance  
of his favor1 for that time2 and my soul
 was unspeakably  refreshed with divine 
and heavenly enjoyments4 ,at this time  
especially1  as well as some others1    

sundry passages of ,god's word opened to
 my soul  with divine clearness1 power1 
and sweetness1 so as to appear exceeding
  precious1 and with clear and certain  
evidence of its being the word of  ,god4
 ,i enjoyed considerable sweetness in   
religion all the winter  following4     
8,in ,jan4 #agdj1 the measles spread    
much in college1 and ,i1 having taken   
the distemper1 went home to ,haddam4    
,but some days before ,i was taken  sick
 ,i seemed to be greatly deserted1 and  
my soul mourned the absence of  the     
,comforter exceedingly4 ,it seemed to me
 that all comfort was for ever  gone4 ,i
 prayed and cried to ,god for help1 yet 
found no present comfort  or relief4    
,but through divine goodness1 a night or
 two before ,i was  taken ill1 while ,i 
was walking alone in a very retired     
place1 and  engaged in meditation and   
prayer1 ,i enjoyed a sweet refreshing   
visit1 as  ,i trust1 from above2 so that
 my soul was raised far above the fears 
of  death4 ,indeed1 ,i rather longed for

 death1 than feared it4 ,oh1 how much   
more refreshing this one season was1    
than all the pleasures and delights     
that earth can afford4 ,after a day or  
two ,i was taken with the measles1  and 
was very ill indeed1 so that ,i almost  
despaired of life2 but had no           
distressing fears of death4 ,through    
divine goodness ,i soon recovered2  yet1
 owing to hard study1 and to my being   
much exposed to interruptions  on       
account of my freshmanship1 ,i had but  
little time for spiritual  duties1 and  
my soul often mourned for want of more  
time and opportunity  to be alone with  
,god4 ,in the spring and summer         
following ,i had better  advantages for 
retirement1 and enjoyed more comfort in 
religion1 though  my ambition in my     
studies greatly wronged the activity and
 vigor of my  spiritual life4 ,it was1  
however1 usually the case with me1 that1
 8in the  multitude of my thoughts      
within me1 ,god's comforts principally  
delighted my soul40 ,these were my      

greatest consolations day by day4       
8,one day1 ,i think it was in ,june1    
#agdj1 ,i walked to a considerable      
distance from college1 in the fields    
alone1 at noon1 and in prayer found     
such unspeakable sweetness and delight  
in ,god1 that ,i thought1 if ,i must    
continue in this evil world1 ,i wanted  
always to be there1 to behold  ,god's   
glory4 ,my soul dearly loved all        
mankind1 and longed exceedingly  that   
they should enjoy what ,i enjoyed4 ,it  
seemed to be a little  resemblance of   
heaven4    8,some time in ,august       
following ,i became so reduced in health
 by too  close application to my        
studies1 that ,i was advised by my tutor
 to go  home1 and disengage my mind from
 study as much as ,i could2 for ,i was  
grown so weak that ,i began to raise    
blood4 ,i took his advice1 and          
endeavored to lay aside my studies4 ,but
 being brought very low1 ,i looked      
death in the face more steadfastly2 and 
the ,lord was pleased to give me        

renewedly a sweet sense and relish of   
divine things2 and particularly         
,october #ac1 ,i found divine help and  
consolation in the precious duties  of  
secret prayer and self-examination1 and 
my soul took delight in the  blessed    
,god3--so likewise on the #agth of      
,october4    ,oct4 #ah4 8,in my morning 
devotions my soul was exceedingly       
melted1 and  bitterly mourned over my   
great sinfulness and vileness4 ,i never 
before had felt so pungent and deep a   
sense of the odious nature of sin1  as  
at this time4 ,my soul was then         
unusually carried forth in love to      
,god1 and had a lively sense of ,god's  
love to me4 ,and this love and hope1  at
 that time case out fear4    ,lord's    
day1 ,oct4 #ai4 8,in the morning ,i felt
 my soul hungering and  thirsting after 
righteousness4 ,while ,i was looking on 
the elements of  the ,lord's ,supper1   
and thinking that ,jesus ,christ was now
 8set forth  crucified before me10 my   
soul was filled with light and love1 so 

that ,i  was almost in an ecstacy2 my   
body was so weak ,i could scarcely      
stand4 ,i  felt at the same time an     
exceeding tenderness and most fervent   
love  toward all mankind2 so that my    
soul and all its powers seemed1 as it   
were1 to melt into softness and         
sweetness4 ,but during the communion    
there was some abatement of this life   
and fervor4 ,this love and joy cast  out
 fear2 and my soul longed for perfect   
grace and glory4 ,this frame  continued 
till the evening1 when my soul was      
sweetly spiritual in secret  duties4    
,oct4 #bj4 8,i again found the          
assistance of the ,holy ,spirit in      
secret  duties1 both morning and        
evening1 and life and comfort in        
religion  through the whole day4        
,oct4 #ba4 8,i had likewise experience  
of the goodness of ,god in  #8shedding  
abroad his love in my heart1' and giving
 me delight and  consolation in         
religious duties2 and all the remaining 
part of the week  my soul seemed to be  

taken up with divine things4 ,i now so  
longed after  ,god1 and to be freed from
 sin1 that1 when ,i felt myself         
recovering1 and  thought ,i must return 
to college again1 which had proved so   
hurtful to  my spiritual interests the  
year past1 ,i could not but be grieved1 
and  thought ,i had much rather die2 for
 it distressed me to think of getting   
away from ,god4 ,but before ,i went ,i  
enjoyed several other sweet and         
precious seasons of communion with ,god1
 7particularly ,oct4 #cj1 and ,nov4     
#d17 wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable
 comfort4    8,i returned to college    
about ,nov4 #f1 and1 through the        
goodness of ,god1  felt the power of    
religion almost daily1 for the space of 
six weeks4    ,nov4 #bh4 8,in my evening
 devotion ,i enjoyed precious           
discoveries of  ,god1 and was           
unspeakably refreshed with that passage1
 ,heb4 #ab3bb-bd4 ,my  soul longed to   
wing away to the paradise of ,god2 ,i   
longed to be  conformed to ,god in all  

things4--,a day or two after ,i enjoyed 
much of the  light of ,god's            
countenance1 most of the day2 and my    
soul rested in ,god4    ,dec4 #i4 8,i   
was in a comfortable frame of soul most 
of the day2 but  especially in evening  
devotions1 when ,god was pleased        
wonderfully to  assist and strengthen   
me2 so that ,i thought nothing should   
ever move me  from the love of ,god in  
,christ ,jesus my ,lord4 ,oh6 one hour  
with ,god  infinitely exceeds all the   
pleasures and delights of this lower    
world4    8,toward the latter part of   
,january1 #agda1 ,i grew more cold and  
dull in  religion1 by means of my old   
temptation1 ambition in my studies4 ,but
  through divine goodness1 a great and  
general awakening spread itself  over   
the college1 about the end of ,february1
 in which ,i was much  quickened1 and   
more abundantly engaged in religion40   
,this awakening was at the beginning of 
that extraordinary religious  commotion 
which then prevailed through the land1  

and in which the  college shared        
largely4 ,for thirteen months from this 
time ,,brainerd kept  a constant diary  
containing a very particular account of 
what passed  from day to day1 making two
 volumes of manuscripts2 but when he lay
 on  his death bed he gave orders       
7unknown to me till after his death7    
that  these two volumes should be       
destroyed1 inserting a notice1 at the   
beginning of the succeeding manuscripts1
 that a specimen of his manner  of      
living during that entire period would  
be found in the first thirty  pages next
 following1 7ending with ,june #ae1     
#agdb17 except that he was  now more    
8refined from some imprudences and      
indecent heats0 than before4    ,a      
circumstance in the life of ,,brainerd1 
which gave great offence to the  rulers 
of the ,college1 and occasioned his     
expulsion1 it is necessary  should be   
here particularly related4 ,during the  
awakening in ,college1  there were      
several religious students who          

associated together for mutual          
conversation and assistance in spiritual
 things4 ,these were wont freely  to    
open themselves one to another1 as      
special and intimate friends3           
,,brainerd was one of this company4 ,and
 it once happened1 that he and two  or  
three more of these intimate friends    
were in the hall together after  ,mr4   
,whittlesey1 one of the tutors1 had     
engaged in prayer with the  scholars2 no
 other person now remaining in the hall 
but ,brainerd and his  companions4 ,mr4 
,whittlesey having been unusually       
pathetic in his prayer1  one of         
,brainerd's friends on this occasion    
asked him what he thought of  ,mr4      
,whittlesey2 he made answer1 8,he has no
 more grace than this chair40  ,one of  
the freshmen happening at that time to  
be near the hall1 7though  not in the   
room17 over-heard these words2 and      
though he heard no name  mentioned1 and 
knew not who was thus censured1 informed
 a certain woman  in the town1 withal   

telling her his own suspicion1 that     
,brainerd said  this of some one of the 
rulers of the ,college4 ,whereupon she  
informed  the ,rector1 who sent for this
 freshman and examined him4 ,he told the
  ,rector the words which he heard      
,brainerd utter2 and informed him who   
were in the room with him at that time4 
,upon this the ,rector sent for  them4  
,they were very backward to inform      
against their friend respecting  what   
they looked upon as private             
conversation2 especially as none but    
they had heard or knew of whom he had   
uttered those words3 yet the  ,rector   
compelled them to declare what he said1 
and of whom he said it4  ,brainerd      
looked on himself as very ill used in   
the management of this  affair2 and     
thought that it was injuriously extorted
 from his friends1  and then injuriously
 required of him--as if he had been     
guilty of some  open1 notorious         
crime--to make a public confession1 and 
to humble  himself before the whole     

,college in the hall1 for what he had   
said only  in private conversation4 ,he 
not complying with this demand1 and     
having  gone once to the ,separate      
meeting at ,new-,haven1 when forbidden  
by the  ,rector2 and also having been   
accused by one person of saying         
concerning  the ,rector1 8that he       
wondered he did not expect to drop down 
dead for  fining the scholars who       
followed ,mr4 ,tennent to ,milford1     
though there  was no proof of it2 7and  
,brainerd ever professed that he did not
  remember saying any thing to that     
purpose17 for these things he was       
expelled the college4    ,how far the   
circumstances and exigencies of that day
 might justify such  great severity in  
the governors of the college1 ,i will   
not undertake to  determine2 it being my
 aim1 not to bring reproach on the      
authority of  the college1 but only to  
do justice to the memory of a person who
 was1 ,i  think1 eminently one of those 
whose memory is blessed4--,the reader   

will  see1 in the sequel1 7particularly 
under date of ,september #ad1 #ae1      
#agdc17  in how christian a manner      
,brainerd conducted himself with respect
 to  this affair2 though he ever1 as    
long as he lived1 supposed himself ill  
used in the management of it1 and in    
what he suffered4--,his expulsion was   
in the winter1 #agdb1 while in his third
 year at college4                       
,,chapter ,,ii4    ,from about the time 
when he began the study of ,theology1   
till he was      licensed to preach4    
,april #a1 #agdb-;,july #bi1 #agdb4     
,in the spring of #agdb ,brainerd went  
to live with the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,mills of   
,ripton1 to pursue his studies with him 
for the work of the ministry4  ,here he 
spent the greater part of the time until
 he was licensed to  preach2 but        
frequently rode to visit the neighboring
 ministers1  particularly ,mr4 ,cooke of
 ,stratford4 ,mr4 ,graham of ,southbury1
 and ,mr4  ,bellamy of ,bethlehem4 ,the 
following are extracts from his diary at

 this  period4    ,april #a1            
#agdb4--8;,i seem to be declining1 with 
respect to my life and  warmth in divine
 things2 have not had so free access to 
,god in prayer  to-day as usual of late4
 ,oh that ,god would humble me deeply in
 the dust  before him6 ,i deserve hell  
every day1 for not loving my ,lord more1
 who  has1 ,i trust1 8loved me and given
 himself for me and every time ,i am    
enabled to exercise any grace renewedly1
 ,i am renewedly indebted to the  ,god  
of all grace for special assistance4    
8,where then is boasting80  ,surely 8it 
is excluded10 when we think how we are  
dependent on ,god for  the existence and
 every act of grace4 ,o if ever ,i get  
to heaven1 it will  be because ,god     
pleases1 and nothing else2 for ,i never 
did any thing of  myself but get away   
from ,god6 ,my soul will be astonished  
at the  unsearchable riches of divine   
grace when ,i arrive at the mansions    
which  the blessed ,savior is gone      
before to prepare4    ,april #b4--8;,in 

the afternoon ,i felt1 in secret prayer1
 much resigned1  calm and serene4 ,what 
are all the storms of this lower world  
if ,jesus1  by his ,spirit1 does but    
come walking on the seas6--,sometime    
past ,i had  much pleasure in the       
prospect of the ,heathen being brought  
home to  ,christ1 and desired that the  
,lord would employ me in that work2 but 
now my soul more frequently desires to  
die1 to be with ,christ4 ,oh that  my   
soul were wrapt up in divine love1 and  
my longing desires after ,god           
increased6 ,in the evening was refreshed
 in prayer1 with the hopes of the       
advancement of ,christ's kingdom in the 
world4    ,lord's day1 ,april #d4--8,my 
heart was wandering and lifeless4 ,in   
the  evening ,god gave me faith in      
prayer1 made my soul melt in some       
measure1  and gave me to taste a divine 
sweetness4 ,o my blessed ,god6 ,let me  
climb  up near to him1 and love1 and    
long1 and plead1 and wrestle1 and       
stretch  after him1 and for deliverance 

from the body of sin and death4 ,alas6  
my  soul mourned to think ,i should ever
 lose sight of its beloved again4 8,o   
come1 ,lord ,jesus1 ,amen40    ,april   
#f4--8;,i walked out this morning2 had  
an affecting sense of my own  vileness2 
and cried to ,god to cleanse me1 to give
 me repentance and  pardon4 ,i then     
began to find it sweet to pray2 and     
could think of  undergoing the greatest 
sufferings in the cause of ,christ1 with
  pleasure2 and found myself willing1 if
 ,god should so order it1 to suffer     
banishment from my native land1 among   
the heathen1 that ,i might do  something
 for their salvation1 in distresses and 
deaths of any kind4  ,then ,god gave me 
to wrestle earnestly for others1 for the
 kingdom of  ,christ in the world1 and  
for dear ,christian friends4    ,april  
#h4--8;,had raised hopes to-day         
respecting the heathen4 ,oh that ,god   
would bring in great numbers of them to 
,jesus ,christ6 ,i cannot but hope  that
 ,i shall see that glorious day4 ,every 

thing in this world seems  exceeding    
vile and little to me3 ,i appear so to  
myself4 ,i had some  little dawn of     
comfort to-day in prayer2 but especially
 to-night1 ,i  think ,i had some faith  
and power of intercession with ,god4 ,i 
was  enabled to plead with ,god for the 
growth of grace in myself2 and many of  
the dear children of ,god then lay with 
weight upon my soul4 ,blessed be  the   
,lord6 ,it is good to wrestle for divine
 blessings4    ,april #i4--8,most of my 
time in morning devotion was spent      
without  sensible sweetness2 yet ,i had 
one delightful prospect of arriving at  
the  heavenly world4 ,i am more amazed  
than ever at such thoughts2 for ,i see  
myself infinitely vile and unworthy4 ,no
 poor creature stands in need of  divine
 grace more than ,i1 and none abuse it  
more than ,i have done1 and  still do4  
,lord's day1 ,april #aa4--8;,in the     
morning ,i felt but little life2 yet my 
heart was somewhat drawn out in         
thankfulness to ,god for his amazing    

grace and condescension to me1 in past  
influences and assistances of his       
,spirit4 ,afterward1 ,i had some        
sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at
  the heavenly world4 ,o for the happy  
day6 ,after public worship1 ,god  gave  
me special assistance in prayer2 ,i     
wrestled with my dear ,lord1 and        
intercession was made a delightful      
employment to me4 ,in the evening1 as   
,i was viewing the light in the north1  
,i was delighted in the  contemplation  
of the glorious morning of the          
resurrection4    ,april #ab4--8,this    
morning the ,lord was pleased to lift up
 the light of  his countenance upon me  
in secret prayer1 and made the season   
very  precious to my soul4 ,though ,i   
have been so depressed of late1         
respecting  my hopes of future          
serviceableness in the cause of ,god2   
yet now ,i had  much encouragement4 ,i  
was especially assisted to intercede and
 plead for  poor souls1 and for the     
enlargement of ,christ's kingdom in the 

world1  and for special grace for       
myself1 to fit me for special services4 
,my  faith lifted me above the world1   
and removed all those mountains over    
which of late ,i could not look4 ,i     
wanted not the favor of man to lean     
upon2 for ,i knew that ,christ's favor  
was infinitely better1 and that it  was 
no matter when nor where1 nor how       
,christ should send me1 nor  what trials
 he should still exercise me with1 if ,i
 might be prepared for  his work and    
will4    ,april #ad4--8,my soul longed  
for communion with ,christ1 and for the 
mortification of indwelling corruption1 
especially spiritual pride4 ,o1  there  
is a sweet day coming1 wherein 8the     
weary will be at rest60 ,my  soul has   
enjoyed much sweetness this day1 in the 
hope of its speedy  arrival4    ,april  
#ae4--8,my desires apparently centered  
in ,god and ,i found a  sensible        
attraction of soul after him sundry     
times to-day4 ,i know that  ,i long for 
,god1 and a conformity to his will1 in  

inward purity and  holiness1 ten        
thousand times more than for any thing  
here below4    ,lord's day1 ,april      
#ah4--8;,i retired early this morning   
into the woods for  prayer2 had the     
assistance of ,god's ,spirit1 and faith 
in exercise2 and  was enabled to plead  
with fervency for the advancement of    
,christ's  kingdom in the world1 and to 
intercede for dear1 absent friends4 ,at 
noon1 ,god enabled me to wrestle with   
him1 and to feel1 as ,i trust1 the      
power of divine love in prayer4 ,at     
night1 ,i saw myself infinitely         
indebted to ,god1 and had a view of my  
failures in duty4 ,it seemed to me  that
 ,i had done1 as it were1 nothing for   
,god1 and that ,i had lived to  him but 
a few hours of my life4    ,april       
#ai4--8;,i set apart this day for       
fasting and prayer to ,god for his      
grace2 especially to prepare me for the 
work of the ministry2 to give  me divine
 aid and direction1 in my preparations  
for that great work2 and  in his own    

time to send me into his harvest4       
,accordingly1 in the  morning ,i        
endeavored to plead for the divine      
presence for the day1 and  not without  
some life4 ,in the forenoon ,i felt the 
power of intercession  for precious1    
immortal souls2 for the advancement of  
the kingdom of my  dear ,lord and       
,savior in the world2 and withal1 a most
 sweet resignation  and even consolation
 and joy1 in the thoughts of suffering  
hardships1  distresses1 and even death  
itself1 in the promotion of it1 and had 
special enlargement in pleading for the 
enlightening and conversion of  the poor
 heathen4 ,in the afternoon ,god was    
with me of a truth4 ,o1 it was  blessed 
company indeed6 ,god enabled me so to   
agonize in prayer1 that ,i  was quite   
wet with sweat1 though in the shade and 
the cool wind4 ,my soul  was drawn out  
very much for the world2 ,i grasped for 
multitudes of  souls4 ,i think ,i had   
more enlargement for sinners than for   
the children  of ,god2 though ,i felt as

 if ,i could spend my life in cries for 
both4 ,i  had great enjoyment in        
communion with my dear ,savior4 ,i think
 ,i never in  my life felt such an      
entire weanedness from this world1 and  
so much  resigned to ,god in every      
thing4 ,o that ,i may always live to and
 upon my  blessed ,god6 ,amen1 ,amen4   
,april #bj4--8,this day ,i am           
twenty-four years of age4 ,o how much   
mercy  have ,i received the year past6  
,how often has ,god 8caused his goodness
 to  pass before me60 ,and how poorly   
have ,i answered the vows ,i made one   
year  since1 to be wholly the ,lord's1  
to be for ever devoted to his service6  
,the ,lord help me to live more to his  
glory for the time to come4 ,this  has  
been a sweet1 a happy day to me2 blessed
 be ,god4 ,i think my soul was  never so
 drawn out in intercession for others1  
as it has been this  night4 ,had a most 
fervent wrestle with the ,lord to-night1
 for my  enemies2 and ,i hardly ever so 
longed to live to ,god1 and to be       

altogether devoted to him2 ,i wanted to 
wear out my life in his service1  and   
for his glory4    ,april #ba4 8,felt    
much calmness and resignation2 and ,god 
again enabled  me to wrestle for numbers
 of souls1 and gave me fervency in the  
sweet  duty of intercession4 ,i enjoy of
 late more sweetness in intercession for
  others1 than in any other part of     
prayer4 ,my blessed ,lord really let me 
come near to him1 and plead with him4   
,lord's day1 ,april #be4 8,this morning 
,i spent about two hours in secret      
duties1 and was enabled1 more than      
ordinarily1 to agonize for immortal     
souls4 ,at night ,i was exceedingly     
melted with divine love1 and had some   
feeling sense of the blessedness of the 
upper world4 ,those words hung  upon me 
with much divine sweetness4 ,psa4 #hd3g4
 8,they go from strength to  strength1  
every one of them in ,zion appeareth    
before ,god40 ,o the near  access that  
,god sometimes gives us in our addresses
 to him6 ,this may  well be termed      

8appearing before ,god30 it is so       
indeed1 in the true  spiritual sense1   
and in the sweetest sense4 ,i think that
 ,i have not had  such power of         
intercession these many months1 both for
 ,god's children1  and for dead sinners1
 as ,i have had this evening4 ,i wished 
and longed  for the coming of my dear   
,lord3 ,i longed to join the angelic    
hosts in  praises1 wholly free from     
imperfection4 ,o1 the blessed moment    
hastens6  ,all ,i want is to be more    
holy1 more like my dear ,lord4 ,oh for  
sanctification6 ,my very soul pants for 
the complete restoration of the  blessed
 image of my ,savior2 that ,i may be fit
 for the blessed enjoyments  and        
employments of the heavenly world4      
8,farewell1 vain world2 my soul can bid 
,adieu             8,my ,,savior taught 
me to abandon you4             8,your   
charms may gratify a ,,sensual mind2    
8,but cannot please a soul for ,,god    
design'd4             8,forbear t'      
entice2 cease then my soul to call2     

8',tis fixed through grace2 my ,god     
shall be my ,,all4             8,while  
he thus lets me heavenly glories view1  
8,your beauties fade1 my heart's no room
 for you40    8,the ,lord refreshed my  
soul with many sweet passages of his    
word4 ,o the  ,new ,jerusalem6 my soul  
longed for it4 ,o the song of ,moses and
 the ,lamb6  ,and that blessed song1    
that no man can learn but they who are  
8redeemed  from the earth60             
8,lord1 ,i'm a stranger here alone2     
8,earth no true comforts can afford2    
8,yet1 absent from my dearest one1      
8,my soul delights to cry #8,my ,lord6' 
8,,jesus1 my ,lord1 my only love1       
8,possess my soul1 nor thence depart3   
8,grant me kind visits1 heavenly ,dove2 
8,my ,god shall then have all my heart40
    ,april #bg4 8,i arose and retired   
early for secret devotions2 and in      
prayer1 ,god was pleased to pour such   
ineffable comforts into my soul1  that  
,i could do nothing for some time but   
say over and over1 8,o my sweet         

,savior6 whom have ,i in ,heaven but    
thee8 and there is none upon earth  that
 ,i desire beside thee40 ,if ,i had a   
thousand lives1 my soul would  gladly   
have laid them all down at once1 to have
 been with ,,christ4 ,my  soul never    
enjoyed so much of heaven before2 it was
 the most refined and  most spiritual   
season of communion with ,god ,i ever   
yet felt4    ,april #bh4--8;,i withdrew 
to my usual place of retirement1 in     
great peace  and tranquility1 spent     
about two hours in secret duties1 and   
felt much  as ,i did yesterday morning1 
only weaker1 and more overcome4 ,i      
seemed to  depend wholly on my dear     
,lord2 weaned from all other            
dependencies4 ,i  knew not what to say  
to my ,god1 but only lean on his bosom1 
as it  were1 and breathe out my desires 
after a perfect conformity to him in    
all things4 ,thirsting desires after    
perfect holiness1 and insatiable        
longings possessed my soul4 ,god was so 
precious to me that the world1  with all

 its enjoyments1 was infinitely vile4 ,i
 had no more value for  the favor of    
men1 than for pebbles4 ,the ,,lord was  
my ,,all1 and that he  over-ruled all1  
greatly delighted me4 ,i think that my  
faith and  dependence on ,god scarce    
ever rose so high4 ,i saw him such a    
fountain of  goodness that it seemed    
impossible ,i should distrust him again1
 or be  any way anxious about any thing 
that should happen to me4 ,i now had    
great satisfaction in praying for absent
 friends1 and for the  enlargement of   
,christ's kingdom in the world4 ,much of
 the power of these  divine enjoyments  
remained with me through the day4 ,in   
the evening my  heart seemed to melt1   
and ,i trust was really humbled for     
indwelling  corruption1 and ,i 8mourned 
like a dove40 ,i felt that all my       
unhappiness  arose from my being a      
sinner4 ,with resignation1 ,i could bid 
welcome to  all other trials2 but sin   
hung heavy upon me2 for ,god discovered 
to me  the corruption of my heart4 ,i   

went to bed with a heavy heart1 because 
,i  was a sinner2 though ,i did not in  
the least doubt of ,god's love4 ,o that 
,god would 8purge away my dross1 and    
take away my tin10 and make me ten      
times refined6    ,may #a4--8;,i was    
enabled to cry to ,god with fervency for
 ministerial  qualifications1 that he   
would appear for the advancement of his 
own  kingdom1 and that he would bring in
 the ,heathen4 ,had much assistance in  
my studies4 ,this has been a profitable 
week to me2 ,i have enjoyed many        
communications of the blessed ,spirit in
 my soul4    ,may #c4--8;,had a sense of
 vile ingratitude4 ,in the morning ,i   
withdrew to  my usual place of          
retirement1 and mourned for my abuse of 
my dear ,lord2  spent the day in fasting
 and prayer4 ,god gave me much power of 
wrestling  for his cause and kingdom2   
and it was a happy day to my soul4 ,god 
was  with me all the day2 and ,i was    
more above the world than ever in my    
life4    ,may #ac4--7;,at               

,wethersfield47 8,saw so much of the    
wickedness of my heart  that ,i longed  
to get away from myself4 ,i never before
 thought that there  was so much        
spiritual pride in my soul4 ,i felt     
almost pressed to death  with my own    
vileness4 ,o what a 8body of death0 is  
there in me6 ,lord  deliver my soul6 ,i 
could not find any convenient place for 
retirement1  and was greatly exercised4 
,rode to ,hartford in the afternoon2 had
 some  refreshment and comfort in       
religious exercises with christian      
friends2  but longed for more           
retirement4 ,o1 the closest walk with   
,god is the  sweetest heaven that can be
 enjoyed on earth6    ,june             
#ad4--8;,felt somewhat of the sweetness 
of communion with ,god1 and  the        
constraining force of his love2 how     
admirably it captivates the  soul1 and  
makes all the desires and affections    
centre in ,god6--,i set  apart this day 
for secret fasting and prayer1 to       
entreat ,god to direct  and bless me    

with regard to the great work which ,i  
have in view1 of  preaching the         
gospel--and that the ,lord would return 
to me1 and  individually 8show me the   
light of his countenance40 ,had little  
life and  power in the forenoon3 near   
the middle of the afternoon ,god enabled
 me  to wrestle ardently in intercession
 for absent friends3 but just at  night 
the ,lord visited me marvellously in    
prayer4 ,i think my soul never  was in  
such an agony before4 ,i felt no        
restraint1 for the treasures of  divine 
grace were opened to me4 ,i wrestled for
 absent friends1 for the  ingathering of
 souls1 for multitudes of poor souls1   
and for many that  ,i thought were the  
children of ,god1 in many distant       
places4 ,i was in  such an agony1 from  
half an hour before sunset1 till near   
dark1 that ,i  was all over wet with    
sweat3 but yet it seemed to me that ,i  
had wasted  away the day1 and had done  
nothing4 ,o1 my dear ,savior did sweat  
blood  for poor souls6 ,i longed for    

more compassion toward them4 ,felt still
 in  a sweet frame1 under a sense of    
divine love and grace2 and went to bed  
in such a frame1 with my heart set on   
,god4    ,june #ae4--8;,had the most    
ardent longings after ,god4 ,at noon1 in
 my  secret retirement1 ,i could do     
nothing but tell my dear ,lord1 in a    
sweet  calm1 that he knew ,i desired    
nothing but himself1 nothing but        
holiness2 that he had given me these    
desires1 and he only could give  me the 
thing desired4 ,i never seemed to be so 
unhinged from myself1 and  to be so     
wholly devoted to ,god4 ,my heart was   
swallowed up in ,god most of  the day4  
,in the evening ,i had such a view of   
the soul being1 as it were1  enlarged1  
to contain more holiness1 that it seemed
 ready to separate  from my body4 ,i    
then wrestled in an agony for divine    
blessings2 had my  heart drawn out in   
prayer for some christian friends1      
beyond what ,i ever  had before4 ,i feel
 differently now from what ,i ever did  

under any  enjoyments before2 more      
engaged to live to ,god for ever1 and   
less  pleased with my own frames4 ,i am 
not satisfied with my frames1 nor feel  
at all more easy after such strugglings 
than before2 for it seems far  too      
little1 if ,i could always be so4 ,o how
 short do ,i fall of my duty in  my     
sweetest moments6    ,june              
#ah4--8;,considering my great unfitness 
for the work of the  ministry1 my       
present deadness1 and total inability to
 do any thing for  the glory of ,god    
that way1 feeling myself very helpless1 
and at a great  loss what the ,lord     
would have me to do2 ,i set apart this  
day for prayer  to ,god1 and spent most 
of the day in that duty1 but was        
amazingly  deserted most of the day4    
,yet ,i found ,god graciously near1 once
 in  particular2 while ,i was pleading  
for more compassion for immortal souls1 
my heart seemed to be opened at once1   
and ,i was enabled to cry with  great   
ardency for a few minutes4 ,o1 ,i was   

distressed to think1 that ,i  should    
offer such dead cold services to the    
living ,god6 ,my soul seemed  to breathe
 after holiness1 a life of constant     
devotedness to ,god4 ,but ,i  am almost 
lost sometimes in the pursuit of this   
blessedness1 and ready  to sink1 because
 ,i continually fall short1 and miss of 
my desire4 ,o that  the ,lord would help
 me to hold out1 yet a little while1    
until the happy  hour of deliverance    
comes6    ,june #cj4--8,spent this day  
alone in the woods1 in fasting and      
prayer2  underwent the most dreadful    
conflicts in my soul4 ,i saw myself so  
vile  that ,i was ready to say1 8,i     
shall now perish by the hand of ,saul40 
,i  thought that ,i had no power to     
stand for the cause of ,god1 but was    
almost afraid of the shaking of a leaf4 
,spent almost the whole day in  prayer1 
incessantly4 ,i could not bear to think 
of ,christians showing me  any respect4 
,i almost despaired of doing any service
 in the world3 ,i  could not feel any   

hope or comfort respecting the heathen1 
which used to  afford me some           
refreshment in the darkest hours of this
 nature4 ,i spent  the day in bitterness
 of soul4 ,near night ,i felt a little  
better2 and  afterward enjoyed some     
sweetness in secret prayer4    ,july    
#a4--8;,had some enjoyment in prayer    
this morning2 and far more than  usual  
in secret prayer to-night1 and desired  
nothing so ardently as that  ,god should
 do with me just as he pleased4    ,july
 #b4--8;,felt composed in secret prayer 
in the morning4 ,my desires  ascended to
 ,god this day1 as ,i was traveling3 was
 comfortable in the  evening4 ,blessed  
be ,god for all my consolations4        
,july #c4--8,my heart seemed again to   
sink4 ,the disgrace ,i was laid under   
at college seemed to damp my spirits2 as
 it opens the mouths of  opposers4 ,i   
had no refuge but in ,god4 ,blessed be  
his name1 that ,i may go  to him at all 
times1 and find him a help4'    ,lord's 
day1 ,july #d4--8;,had considerable     

assistance4 ,in the evening ,i          
withdrew1 and enjoyed a happy season in 
secret prayer4 ,god was pleased  to give
 me the exercise of faith1 and thereby  
brought the invisible and  eternal world
 near to my soul2 which appeared sweetly
 to me4 ,i hoped  that my weary         
pilgrimage in the world would be short2 
and that it  would not be long before ,i
 should be brought to my heavenly home  
and  ,father's house4 ,i was resigned to
 ,god's will1 to tarry his time1 to do  
his work1 and suffer his pleasure4 ,i   
felt thankfulness to ,god for all  my   
pressing desertions of late2 for ,i am  
persuaded that they have been  made a   
means of making me more humble1 and much
 more resigned4 ,i felt  pleased to be  
little1 to be nothing1 and to lie in the
 dust4 ,i enjoyed  life and consolation 
in pleading for the dear children of    
,god1 and the  kingdom of ,christ in the
 world3 and my soul earnestly breathed  
after  holiness1 and the enjoyment of   
,god4 8,o come1 ,lord ,jesus1 come      

quickly40    ,july #bi4--8;,i was       
examined by the ,association met at     
,danbury1 as to my  learning1 and also  
my experience in religion1 and received 
a licence  from them to preach the      
,gospel of ,christ4 ,afterward felt much
 devoted to  ,god2 joined in prayer with
 one of the ministers1 my peculiar      
friend1 in  a convenient place2 and went
 to bed resolving to live devoted to    
,god all  my days40                     
,,chapter ,,iii4    ,from his being     
licensed to preach1 till he was         
commissioned as a      ,missionary4     
,july #cj4-,nov4 #be1 #agdb4    ,july   
#cj1 #agdb4--8,rode from ,danbury to    
,southbury2 preached there1 from #a     
,pet4 #d3h4 ,had much of the comfortable
 presence of ,god in the exercise4 ,i   
seemed to have power with ,god in       
prayer1 and power to get hold of the    
hearts of the people in preaching4      
,aug4 #ab4 7,near ,kent47--8,this       
morning and last night ,i was exercised 
with sore inward trials3 ,i had no power

 to pray2 but seemed shut out  from     
,god4 ,i had in a great measure lost my 
hopes of ,god's sending me  among the   
,heathen afar off1 and of seeing them   
flock home to ,christ4 ,i  saw so much  
of my vileness1 that ,i wondered that   
,god would let me live1  and that people
 did not stone me2 much more that they  
would ever hear me  preach6 ,it seemed  
as though ,i never could preach any     
more2 yet about  nine or ten o'clock the
 people came over1 and ,i was forced to 
preach2  and blessed be ,god1 he gave me
 his presence and ,spirit in prayer and 
preaching2 so that ,i was much assisted1
 and spake with power1 from ,job1       
#ad3ad4 ,some ,indians residing here1   
cried out in great distress1 and all    
appeared greatly concerned4 ,after we   
had prayed and exhorted them to  seek   
the ,lord with constancy1 and hired an  
,englishwoman to keep a kind  of school 
among them1 we came away40    ,lord's   
day1 ,aug4 #ae4--8;,felt much comfort   
and devotedness to ,god this  day4 ,at  

night1 it was refreshing to get alone   
with ,god1 and pour out my  soul4 ,o1   
who can conceive of the sweetness of    
communion with the  blessed ,god1 but   
those who have experience of it6 ,glory 
to ,god for ever1  that ,i may taste    
heaven below4    ,aug4                  
#ag4--8;,exceedingly depressed in       
spirit1 it cuts and wounds my heart  to 
think how much self-exaltation1         
spiritual pride1 and warmth of  temper1 
,i have formerly had intermingled with  
my endeavors to promote  ,god's work3   
and sometimes ,i long to lie down at the
 feet of opposers1  and confess what a  
poor imperfect creature ,i have been1   
and still am4  ,the ,lord forgive me1   
and make me1 for the future1 8wise as a 
serpent1  and harmless as a dove60      
,afterward enjoyed considerable comfort 
and  delight of soul4    ,aug4          
#ai4--8,this day1 being about to go from
 ,mr4 ,bellamy's1 at  ,bethlehem1 where 
,i had resided some time1 ,i prayed with
 him and two or  three other ,christian 

friends4 ,we gave ourselves to ,god with
 all our  hearts1 to be his for ever3   
eternity looked very near to me while ,i
 was  praying4 ,if ,i never should see  
these ,christians again in this world1  
it  seemed but a few moments before ,i  
should meet them in another world4      
,aug4 #bc4--8;,had a sweet season in    
secret prayer3 the ,lord drew near to   
my soul1 and filled me with peace and   
divine consolation4 ,o1 my soul  tasted 
the sweetness of heaven2 and was drawn  
out in prayer for the  world1 that it   
might come home to ,christ6 ,had much   
comfort in the  thoughts and hopes of   
the ingathering of the ,heathen2 was    
greatly  assisted in intercession for   
,christian friends40    ,sept4          
#a4--8,went to ,judea to the ordination 
of ,mr4 ,judd4 ,mr4 ,bellamy  preached  
from ,matt4 #bd3df4 #8,blessed is that  
servant whom his ,lord1 when  he cometh1
 shall find so doing4' ,i felt very     
solemn2 had my thoughts  much on that   
time when our ,lord will come1 which    

refreshed my soul much2  only ,i was    
afraid ,i should not be found faithful1 
because ,i have so vile  a heart4 ,my   
thoughts were much in eternity1 where ,i
 love to dwell4  ,blessed be ,god for   
this solemn season4 ,rode home to-night 
with ,mr4  ,bellamy1 conversed with some
 friends till it was very late1 and then
  retired to rest in a comfortable      
frame4    ,sept4 #d4--8,much out of     
health1 exceedingly depressed in my     
soul1 and at  awful distance from ,god4 
,toward night1 spent some time in       
profitable  thoughts on ,rom4 #h3b4     
,near night1 had a very sweet season in 
prayer2 ,god  enabled me to wrestle     
ardently for the advancement of the     
,redeemer's  kingdom2 pleaded earnestly 
for my own dear brother ,john1 7who at  
length  became his successor as a       
,missionary to the ,indians17 that ,god 
would  make him more of a pilgrim and   
stranger on the earth1 and fit him for  
singular serviceableness in the world2  
and my heart sweetly exulted in  the    

,lord1 in the thoughts of any distresses
 that might alight on him or  on me1 in 
the advancement of ,christ's kingdom4   
,it was a sweet and  comfortable hour   
unto my soul1 while ,i was indulged with
 freedom to  plead1 not only for myself1
 but also for many other souls4         
,sept4 #af4--8;,at night1 enjoyed much  
of ,god1 in secret prayer3 felt an      
uncommon resignation to be and do what  
,god pleased4 ,some days past ,i  felt  
great perplexity on account of my past  
conduct3 my bitterness1 and  want of    
,christian kindness and love1 has been  
very distressing to my  soul3 the ,lord 
forgive me my unchristian warmth1 and   
want of a spirit of  meekness6    ,oct4 
#ba4--8;,had a very deep sense of the   
vanity of the world1 most of  the day2  
had little more regard to it1 than if ,i
 had been to go into  eternity the next 
hour4 ,through divine goodness1 ,i felt 
very serious and  solemn4 ,o ,i love to 
live on the brink of eternity1 in my    
views and  meditations6 ,this gives me a

 sweet1 awful and reverential sense and 
apprehension of ,god and divine things1 
when ,i see myself as it were1  standing
 before the judgment seat of ,christ4   
,oct4 #bb4--8,uncommonly weaned from the
 world to-day3 my soul delighted  to be 
a 8stranger and pilgrim on the earth20  
,i felt a disposition in me  never to   
have any thing to do with this world4   
,the character given of  some of the    
ancient people of ,god1 in ,heb4 #aa3ac1
 was very pleasing to  me1 8,they       
confessed that they were pilgrims and   
strangers on the earth10  by their daily
 practice2 and ,o that ,i could always  
do so6 ,spent some  time in a pleasant  
grove1 in prayer and meditation4 ,o it  
is sweet to be  thus weaned from        
friends1 and from myself1 and dead to   
the present  world1 that so ,i may live 
wholly to and upon the blessed ,god6    
,saw myself  little1 low and vile as ,i 
am in myself4 ,in the afternoon preached
 at  ,bethlehem1 from ,deut4 #h3b4 ,god 
helped me to speak to the hearts of dear

  ,christians4 ,blessed be the ,lord for
 this season3 ,i trust they and ,i      
shall rejoice on this account1 to all   
eternity4 ,dear ,mr4 ,bellamy came in   
while ,i was making the first prayer1   
7having returned home from a  journey17 
and after meeting we walked away        
together1 and spent the  evening in     
sweetly conversing on divine things1 and
 praying together1  with tender love to 
each other1 and retired to rest with our
 hearts in a  serious spiritual frame4  
,oct4 #bf4--8;,at ,west ,suffield4 ,was 
in great distress1 under a sense of  my 
own unworthiness4 ,it seemed to me that 
,i deserved rather to be driven  out of 
the place1 than to have any body treat  
me with kindness1 or come  to hear me   
preach4 ,and verily my spirits were so  
depressed at this time  7as at many     
others7 that it was impossible ,i should
 treat immortal souls  with             
faithfulness4 ,i could not deal closely 
and faithfully with them1 ,i  felt so   
infinitely vile in myself4 ,o what dust 

and ashes ,i am1 to  think of preaching 
the ,gospel to others6 ,indeed1 ,i never
 can be faithful  for one moment1 but   
shall certainly 8daub with untempered   
mortar10 if  ,god do not grant me       
special help4 ,in the evening ,i went to
 the  meeting-house1 and it looked to me
 near as easy for one to rise out of    
the grave and preach1 as for me4        
,however1 ,god afforded me some life and
  power1 both in prayer and sermon2 and 
was pleased to lift me up1 and  show me 
that he could enable me to preach4 ,o   
the wonderful goodness of  ,god to so   
vile a sinner6 ,returned to my lodgings1
 and enjoyed some  sweetness in prayer  
alone1 and mourned that ,i could not    
live more to  ,god4    ,november        
#d4--8;,at ,lebanon4 ,saw much of my    
nothingness most of this  day2 but felt 
concerned that ,i had no more sense of  
my insufficiency and  unworthiness4 ,o  
it is sweet lying in the dust6 ,but it  
is distressing  to feel in my soul that 
hell of corruption which still remains  

in me4 ,in  the afternoon had a sense of
 the sweetness of a strict1 close1 and  
constant devotedness to ,god1 and my    
soul was comforted with his             
consolations4 ,my soul felt a pleasing1 
yet painful concern1 lest ,i  should    
spend some moments without ,god4 ,o may 
,i always live to ,god6  ,in the evening
 ,i was visited by some friends1 and    
spent the time in  prayer1 and such     
conversation as tended to our           
edification4 ,it was a  comfortable     
season to my soul3 ,i felt an intense   
desire to spend every  moment for ,god4 
,god is unspeakably gracious to me      
continually4 ,in times  past1 he has    
given me inexpressible sweetness in the 
performance of  duty4 ,frequently my    
soul has enjoyed much of ,god2 but has  
been ready to  say1 8,lord1 it is good  
to be here10 and so to indulge sloth1   
while ,i  have lived on my enjoyments4  
,but of late1 ,god has been pleased to  
keep  my soul hungry1 almost            
continually2 so that ,i have been filled

 with a  kind of pleasing pain4 ,when ,i
 really enjoy ,god ,i feel my desires of
 him  the more insatiable1 and my       
thirstings after holiness the more      
unquenchable2 and the ,lord will not    
allow me to feel as though ,i were      
fully supplied and satisfied1 but keeps 
me still reaching forward4 ,i  feel     
barren and empty1 as though ,i could not
 live without more of ,god2 ,i  feel    
ashamed and guilty before him4 ,i see   
that 8the law is spiritual1  but ,i am  
carnal40 ,i do not1 ,i cannot live to   
,god4 ,o for holiness6 ,o for  more of  
,god in my soul6 ,o this pleasing pain6 
,it makes my soul press  after ,god2 the
 language of it is1 8,then shall ,i be  
satisfied1 when ,i  awake in ,god's     
likeness10 but never1 never before3 and 
consequently1 ,i  am engaged to 8press  
toward the mark10 day by day4 ,o that ,i
 may feel  this continual hunger1 and   
not be retarded1 but rather animated1 by
  every cluster from ,canaan1 to reach  
forward in the narrow way for the  full 

enjoyment and possession of the heavenly
 inheritance6 ,o that ,i may  never     
loiter in my heavenly journey60         
,lord's day1 ,nov4 #g4--8;,at           
,millington4 ,it seemed as if such an   
unholy  wretch as ,i never could arrive 
at that blessedness1 to be 8holy1 as    
,god  is holy40 ,at noon1 ,i longed for 
sanctification1 and conformity to ,god4 
,o  that is ,,the ,,all1 ,,the ,,all4   
,the ,lord help me to press after ,god  
for  ever4    ,nov4 #h4--8,toward night1
 enjoyed much sweetness in secret       
prayer1 so  that my soul longed for an  
arrival in the heavenly country1 the    
blessed  paradise of ,god4 ,through     
divine goodness ,i have scarce seen the 
day for  two months1 in which death has 
not looked so pleasant to me1 at one    
time or other of the day1 that ,i could 
have rejoiced that it should be  my     
last1 notwithstanding my present inward 
trials and conflicts4 ,i trust  the     
,lord will finally make me a conqueror1 
and more than a conqueror2  and that ,i 

shall be able to use that triumphant    
language1 8,o death1  where is thy      
sting6 ,o grave1 where is thy victory60 
,nov4 #ai4--8;,at ,new-,haven4 ,received
 a letter from the ,rev4 ,mr4           
,pemberton1 of ,new-,york1 desiring me  
speedily to go down thither1 and        
consult in reference to the evangelizing
 of the ,indians in those parts2  and to
 meet certain gentlemen there who were  
intrusted with those  affairs4 ,my mind 
was instantly seized with concern2 so ,i
 retired1 with  two or three ,christian 
friends1 and prayed2 and indeed it was a
 sweet  time with me4 ,i was enabled to 
leave myself1 and all my concerns with  
,god2 and taking leave of friends1 ,i   
rode to ,ripton1 and was comforted in   
an opportunity to see and converse with 
dear ,mr4 ,mills40    ,nov4             
#bd4--8;,came to ,new-,york2 felt still 
much concerned about the  importance of 
my business2 made many earnest requests 
to ,god for his  help and direction2 was
 confused with the noise and tumult of  

the city2  enjoyed but little time alone
 with ,god2 but my soul longed after    
him4    ,nov4 #be4--8,spent much time in
 prayer and supplication3 was examined  
in  reference to my ,christian          
experience1 my acquaintance with        
divinity1 and  some other studies and my
 qualifications for the important work  
of  evangelizing the heathen1,a and was 
made sensible of my great ignorance  and
 unfitness for public service4 ,i had   
the most abasing thoughts of  myself2 ,i
 felt that ,i was the worst wretch that 
ever lived3 it pained my  very heart1   
that any body should show me any        
respect4 ,alas6 methought  how sadly    
they are deceived in me6 how miserably  
would they be  disappointed if they knew
 my inside6 ,o my heart6 ,and in this   
depressed  condition ,i was forced to go
 and preach to a considerable assembly1 
before some grave and learned ministers2
 but felt such a pressure from a  sense 
of my vileness1 ignorance1 and unfitness
 to appear in public1 that  ,i was      

almost overcome with it2 my soul was    
grieved for the congregation1  that they
 should sit there to hear such a dead   
dog as ,i preach4 ,i  thought myself    
infinitely indebted to the people1 and  
longed that ,god  would reward them with
 the rewards of his grace4 ,i spent much
 of the  evening alone40    ,footnote   
,a3      ,mr4 ,brainerd was examined by 
the correspondents in ,new-,york1       
,new-,jersey1 and ,pennsylvania1 of the 
,society in ,scotland for    propagating
 ,christian knowledge2 to whom was      
committed the management    of their    
affairs in those parts1 and who were now
 met at ,new-,york4                     
,,chapter ,,iv4    ,from his appointment
 as a ,missionary1 to his commencing his
 ,mission      among the ,indians at    
,kaunaumeek1 in ,new-,york4             
,nov4 #bf1 #agdb4--,march #ca1 #agdc4   
,nov4 #bf1 #agdb4--8;,had still a sense 
of my great vileness1 and endeavored  as
 much as ,i could to keep alone4 ,o what
 a nothing1 what dust and ashes  am ,i6 

,enjoyed some peace and comfort in      
spreading my complaints before  the ,god
 of all grace4    ,nov4                 
#bg4--8;,committed my soul to ,god with 
some degree of comfort2 left  ,new-,york
 about nine in the morning2 came away   
with a distressing sense  still of my   
unspeakable unworthiness4 ,surely ,i may
 well love all my  brethren2 for none of
 them all is so vile as ,i3 whatever    
they do  outwardly1 yet it seems to me  
none is conscious of so much guilt      
before  ,god4 ,o my leanness1 my        
barrenness1 my carnality1 and past      
bitterness1  and want of a gospel       
temper6 ,these things oppress my soul4  
,rode from  ,new-,york1 thirty miles1 to
 ,white ,plains1 and most of the way    
continued  lifting up my heart to ,god  
for mercy and purifying grace2 and spent
 the  evening much dejected in spirit4  
,dec4 #a4--8,my soul breathed after     
,god1 in sweet spiritual and longing    
desires of conformity to him1 and was   
brought to rest itself on his rich      

grace1 and felt strength and            
encouragement to do or suffer any thing1
  that divine providence should allot   
me4 ,rode about twenty miles1 from      
,stratfield to ,newtown40    ,within the
 space of the next nine days he went a  
journey from ,newtown to  ,haddam1 his  
native town2 and after staying there    
some days1 returned  again into the     
western part of ,connecticut1 and came  
to ,southbury4    ,dec4                 
#aa4--8;,conversed with a dear friend1  
to whom ,i had thought of  giving a     
liberal education1 and being at the     
whole charge of it1 that he  might be   
fitted for the gospel ministry4,b ,i    
acquainted him with my  thoughts on the 
subject1 and so left him to consider of 
it1 till ,i  should see him again4 ,then
 ,i rode to ,bethlehem1 came to ,mr4    
,bellamy's  lodgings1 and spent the     
evening with him in sweet conversation  
and  prayer4 ,we commended the concern  
of sending my friend to college to the  
,god of all grace4 ,blessed be the ,lord

 for this evening's opportunity         
together4    ,footnote ,b3              
,brainerd1 having now undertaken the    
business of a missionary to the         
,indians1 and having some estate left   
him by his father1 judged that    there 
was no way in which he could spend it   
more for the glory of ,god1    than by  
being at the charge of educating some   
young man of talents and    piety for   
the ministry4 ,the young man here spoken
 of was selected for    this purpose1   
and received his education at           
,brainerd's expense1 so    long as his  
benefactor lived1 which was till he was 
carried through    his third year in    
college4    ,lord's day1 ,dec4          
#ab4--8;,i felt1 in the morning1 as if  
,i had little or no  power either to    
pray or preach2 and felt a distressing  
need of divine  help4 ,i went to meeting
 trembling2 but it pleased ,god to      
assist me in  prayer and sermon4 ,i     
think my soul scarce ever penetrated so 
far into  the immaterial world1 in any  

one prayer that ,i ever made1 nor were  
my  devotions ever so free from gross   
conceptions and imaginations framed     
from beholding material objects4 ,i     
preached with some satisfaction1 from   
,matt4 #f3cc4 8,but seek ye first the   
kingdom of ,god10 c42 and in the        
afternoon1 from ,rom4 #ae3cj4 8,and now 
,i beseech you brethren10 c4 ,there  was
 much affection in the assembly4 ,this  
has been a sweet ,sabbath to me2  and   
blessed be ,god1 ,i have reason to think
 that my religion has become  more      
spiritual by means of my late inward    
conflicts4 ,amen4 ,may ,i always  be    
willing that ,god should use his own    
methods with me6    ,dec4 #ad4--8,some  
perplexity hung on my mind2 ,i was      
distressed last night  and this morning 
for the interests of ,zion1 especially  
on account of the  false appearances of 
religion1 that do but rather breed      
confusion1  especially in some places4  
,i cried to ,god for help1 to enable me 
to bear  testimony against those things1

 which1 instead of promoting1 do but    
hinder the progress of vital piety4 ,in 
the afternoon1 rode down to  ,southbury1
 and conversed again with my friend on  
the important subject  of his pursuing  
the work of the ministry2 and he        
appeared much inclined  to devote       
himself to it1 if ,god should succeed   
his attempts to qualify  himself for so 
great a work4 ,in the evening ,i        
preached from #a ,thess4  #d3h1 and     
endeavored1 though with tenderness1 to  
undermine false  religion4 ,the ,lord   
gave me some assistance4    ,dec4       
#ae4--8;,enjoyed something of ,god      
to-day1 both in secret and social       
prayer2 but was sensible of much        
barrenness and defect in duty1 as well  
as my inability to help myself for the  
time to come1 or to perform the  work   
and business ,i have to do4 ,afterward1 
felt much of the sweetness of  religion1
 and the tenderness of the              
gospel-temper4 ,i found a dear love  to 
all mankind1 and was much afraid lest   

some motion of anger or  resentment     
should1 from time to time creep into my 
heart4 ,had some  comforting1           
soul-refreshing discourse with dear     
friends1 just as we took  our leave of  
each other2 and supposed it might be we 
should not meet  again till we came to  
the eternal world4,c ,i doubt not but1  
through  grace1 some of us shall have a 
happy meeting there1 and bless ,god for 
this season1 as well as many others4    
,amen4    ,footnote ,c3      ,it had    
been determined by the ,commissioners1  
who employed ,brainerd as    a          
missionary1 that he should go1 as soon  
as might be conveniently1 to    the     
,indians living near the ,forks of      
,delaware river1 and the ,indians    on 
,susquehanna river4 ,the distance of    
those places1 and his probable          
exposure to many hardships and dangers1 
was the occasion of his taking    leave 
of his friends in this manner4    ,dec4 
#ah4 8,spent much time in prayer in the 
woods2 and seemed raised  above the     

things of the world3 my soul was strong 
in the ,lord of ,hosts2  but was        
sensible of great barrenness4    ,dec4  
#bc4--8;,enjoyed1 ,i trust1 the presence
 of ,god this morning in  secret4 ,o1   
how divinely sweet is it to come into   
the secret of his  presence1 and abide  
in his pavilion6    ,dec4               
#bg4--8;,enjoyed a precious season      
indeed2 had a melting sense of  divine  
things1 of the pure spirituality of the 
religion of ,christ ,jesus4  ,in the    
evening ,i preached from ,matt4 #f3cc4  
with much freedom1 power and  pungency3 
the presence of ,god attended our       
meeting4 ,o1 the sweetness1  the        
tenderness ,i felt in my soul6 ,if ever 
,i felt the temper of ,christ1 ,i  had  
some sense of it now4 ,blessed be my    
,god1 ,i have seldom enjoyed a  more    
comfortable and profitable day than     
this4 ,o1 that ,i could spend all  my   
time for ,god6    ,jan4 #ad1            
#agdc4--8,my spiritual conflicts to-day 
were unspeakably  dreadful1 heavier than

 the mountains and over-flowing floods4 
,i was  deprived of all sense of ,god1  
even of the being of a ,god2 and that   
was  my misery4 ,the torments of the    
damned1 ,i am sure1 will consist much in
 a  privation of ,god1 and consequently 
of all good4 ,this taught me the        
absolute dependence of a creature upon  
,god the ,creator1 for every crumb  of  
happiness it enjoys4 ,o1 ,i feel that1  
if there is no ,god1 though ,i  might   
live for ever here1 and enjoy not only  
this1 but all other worlds1  ,i should  
be ten thousand times more miserable    
than a reptile4    ,lord's day1 ,jan4   
#bc4--8;,i scarce ever felt myself so   
unfit to exist as  now3 saw ,i was not  
worthy of a place among the ,indians1   
where ,i am  going1 if ,god permit3     
thought ,i should be ashamed to look    
them in the  face1 and much more to have
 any respect shown me there4 ,indeed ,i 
felt  myself banished from the earth1 as
 if all places were too good for such  a
 wretch4 ,i thought ,i should be ashamed

 to go among the very savages of        
,africa2 ,i appeared to myself a        
creature fit for nothing1 neither heaven
  nor earth4 ,none know but those who   
feel it1 what the soul endures that  is 
sensibly shut out from the presence of  
,god3 alas6 it is more bitter  than     
death4    ,feb4 #b4--8,preached my      
farewell sermon last night1 at the house
 of an  aged man1 who had been unable to
 attend on public worship for some time4
  ,this morning spent the time in       
prayer1 almost wherever ,i went2 and    
having taken leave of friends1 ,i set   
out on my journey toward the  ,indians2 
though ,i was first to spend some weeks 
at ,east-,hampton1 on  ,long-,island1 by
 leave of the commissioners2 the winter 
season being  judged unfavorable for the
 commencement of the mission4    ,feb4  
#ab4--;,at ,east-,hampton4 8,enjoyed a  
little more comfort2 was  enabled to    
meditate with some composure of mind2   
and especially in the  evening1 found my
 soul more refreshed in prayer than at  

any time of  late2 my soul seemed to    
8take hold of ,god's strength10 and was 
comforted  with his consolations4 ,o1   
how sweet are some glimpses of divine   
glory6  how strengthening and           
quickening6    ,feb4 #ae4 8,early in the
 day ,i felt some comfort1 afterward ,i 
walked  into a neighboring grove1 and   
felt more as a stranger on earth1 ,i    
think1  than ever before2 dead to any of
 the enjoyments of the world4 ,in the   
evening had divine sweetness in secret  
duty3 ,god was then my portion1  and my 
soul rose above those deep waters1 into 
which ,i have sunk so  low of late4 ,my 
soul then cried for ,zion1 and had      
sweetness in so  doing40    ,feb4       
#ag4--8,preached this day at a little   
village in ,east-,hampton2 and  ,god was
 pleased to give me his gracious        
presence and assistance1 so that  ,i    
spake with freedom1 boldness1 and some  
power4 ,in the evening spent  some time 
with a dear ,christian friend2 and felt 
serious1 as on the  brink of eternity4  

,our interview was truly a little emblem
 of heaven  itself4 ,i find my soul is  
more refined and weaned from a          
dependence on  my frames and spiritual  
feelings4    ,feb4 #ah4--8;,had some    
enjoyment most of the day1 and found    
access to the  throne of grace4 ,blessed
 be the ,lord for any intervals of      
heavenly  delight and composure1 while  
,i am engaged in the field of battle4   
,o1  that ,i might be serious1 solemn1  
and always vigilant1 while in an evil   
world6 ,had some opportunity alone      
to-day1 and found some freedom in       
study4 ,o1 ,i long to live to ,god60    
,during the next two weeks it appears   
that for the most part he enjoyed  much 
spiritual peace and comfort4 ,in his    
diary for this space of time1  are      
expressed such things as these2 mourning
 over indwelling sin1  unprofitableness2
 deadness to the world2 longing after   
,god1 and to live  to his glory2 heart  
melting desires after his eternal home2 
fixed  reliance on ,god for his help2   

experience of much divine assistance1   
both  in the private and public         
exercises of religion2 inward strength  
and  courage in the service of ,god2    
very frequent refreshment1 consolation1 
and divine sweetness in meditation1     
prayer1 preaching1 and ,christian       
conversation4 ,and it appears by his    
account1 that this space of time was    
filled up with great diligence and      
earnestness in serving ,god2 in study1  
prayer1 meditation1 preaching1 and      
privately instructing and counseling4   
,march #g4--8,this morning when ,i arose
 ,i found my heart go forth after  ,god 
in longing desires of conformity to him1
 and in secret prayer found  myself     
sweetly quickened and drawn out in      
praises to ,god for all he had  done to 
and for me1 and for all my inward trials
 and distress of late4  ,my heart       
ascribed glory1 glory1 glory to the     
blessed ,god6 and bid  welcome to all   
inward distress again1 if ,god saw meet 
to exercise me  with it4 ,time appeared 

but an inch long1 and eternity at hand2 
and ,i  thought ,i could with patience  
and cheerfulness bear any thing for the 
cause of ,god2 for ,i saw that a moment 
would bring me to a world of peace  and 
blessedness4 ,my soul1 by the strength  
of the ,lord1 rose far above  this lower
 world1 and all the vain amusements and 
frightful  disappointments of it4       
,lord's day1 ,march #ac4 8,at noon1 ,i  
thought it impossible for me to  preach1
 by reason of bodily weakness and inward
 deadness4 ,in the first  prayer1 ,i was
 so weak that ,i could scarcely stand2  
but in the sermon1  ,god strengthened   
me1 so that ,i spake near an hour and a 
half with sweet  freedom1 clearness1 and
 some tender power1 from ,gen4 #e3bd4   
8,and ,enoch  walked with ,god40 ,i was 
sweetly assisted to insist on a close   
walk with  ,god1 and to leave this as my
 parting advice to ,god's people here1  
that  they should 8walk with ,god40 ,may
 the ,god of all grace succeed my poor  
labors in this place6    ,march #ad4    

8,in the morning was very busy in       
preparation for my journey1  and was    
almost continually engaged in           
ejaculatory prayer4 ,about ten took     
leave of the dear people of             
,east-,hampton2 my heart grieved and    
mourned1  and rejoiced at the same time2
 rode near fifty miles to a part of     
,brook-,haven1 and lodged there1 and had
 refreshing conversation with a         
,christian friend40    ,in two days more
 he reached ,new-,york2 but complains of
 much desertion  and deadness on the    
road4 ,he stayed one day in ,new-,york1 
and on ,friday  went to ,mr4            
,dickinson's at ,elizabeth-,town4       
,march #ai4 8,was bitterly distressed   
under a sense of my ignorance1          
darkness1 and unworthiness2 got alone1  
and poured out my complaint to  ,god in 
the bitterness of my soul4 ,in the      
afternoon rode to ,newark1 and  had some
 sweetness in conversation and prayer   
with ,mr4 ,burr4 ,o blessed  be ,god for
 ever and ever1 for any enlivening and  

quickening seasons4    ,lord's day1     
,march #bj4 8,preached in the forenoon3 
,god gave me some  assistance1 and      
enabled me to speak with real           
tenderness1 love1 and  impartiality4 ,in
 the evening preached again2 and of a   
truth ,god was  pleased to assist a poor
 worm4 ,blessed be ,god1 ,i was enabled 
to speak  with life1 power1 and desire  
of the edification of ,god's people2 and
  with some power to sinners4 ,in the   
evening ,i was watchful1 lest my heart  
should by any means be drawn away from  
,god4 ,o when shall ,i come to that     
blessed world where every power of my   
soul will be incessantly and  eternally 
wound up in heavenly employments and    
enjoyments1 to the  highest degree60    
,on ,monday he went to ,woodbridge1     
,new-,jersey1 where he met the          
,correspondents1 who1 instead of sending
 him to the ,indians at the ,forks  of  
the ,delaware1 as before intended1      
directed him to go to a number of       
,indians at ,kaunaumeek2 a place in     

,new-,york1 in the woods between        
,stockbridge and ,albany4 ,this         
alteration was occasioned by two things4
 #a4  ,information which the            
correspondents had received of some     
contention  between the white people and
 the ,indians on the ,delaware1         
concerning  their lands2 which they     
supposed would be a hinderance to the   
success of  a missionary among them at  
that time4 #b4 ,some intimations which  
they had  received from ,mr4 ,sergeant1 
,missionary to the ,indians at          
,stockbridge1  concerning the ,indians  
at ,kaunaumeek1 and the hopeful prospect
 of  success which a ,missionary might  
have among them4    ,on the day         
following he set out on his journey for 
,kaunaumeek1 and  arrived at ,mr4       
,sergeant's house in ,stockbridge ,march
 #ca4                                   
,,chapter ,v4    ,his labors for nearly 
a year among the ,indians at            
,kaunaumeek--temporal      deprivations 
and sufferings--establishes a           

school--confession      offered to the  
faculty of ,yale ,college--days of      
fasting--methods      of instructing the
 ,indians--visit to ,new-,jersey and    
,connecticut--commencement of labor     
among the ,indians at the ,forks of     
the ,delaware--,ordination4             
,april #a1 #agdc4--;,june #ab1 #agdd4   
,april #a1 #agdc4 8,i rode to           
,kaunaumeek1 in the wilderness1 near    
twenty  miles from ,stockbridge1 and    
about an equal distance from ,albany1   
where  the ,indians live with whom ,i am
 concerned2 and lodged with a poor      
,scotchman1 about a mile and a half     
distant from them1 on a little heap  of 
straw1 in a log room without any floor4 
,i was greatly exercised with  inward   
trials1 and seemed to have no ,god to go
 to4 ,o that ,god would help  me6       
,april #g4 8,appeared to myself         
exceedingly ignorant1 weak1 helpless1   
unworthy1 and altogether unequal to my  
work4 ,it seemed to me that ,i  should  
never do any service1 or have any       

success among the ,indians4 ,my  soul   
was weary of my life2 ,i longed for     
death1 beyond measure4 ,when ,i  thought
 of any godly soul departed1 my soul was
 ready to envy him his  privilege1      
thinking1 8,o when will my turn come6   
must it be years first60  ,but ,i know  
these ardent desires1 at this and other 
times1 rose partly  from the want of    
resignation to ,god under all miseries2 
and so were but  impatience4 ,toward    
night ,i had the exercise of faith in   
prayer1 and some  assistance in writing4
 ,o that ,god would keep me near him6   
,lord's day1 ,april #aj4 8,rose early in
 the morning and walked out and  spent a
 considerable time in the woods1 in     
prayer and meditation4  ,preached to the
 ,indians1 both forenoon and afternoon4 
,they behaved  soberly in general3 two  
or three in particular appeared to be   
under some  religious concern2 with whom
 ,i discoursed privately2 and one told  
me1  8that her heart had cried ever     
since she first heard me preach40       

,april #af4--8;,in the afternoon        
preached to my people2 but was more     
discouraged with them than before2      
feared that nothing would ever be  done 
for them to any happy effect4 ,i retired
 and poured out my soul to  ,god for    
mercy2 but without any sensible relief4 
,soon after1 two ungodly  men came1 with
 a design1 as they said1 to hear me     
preach the next day2  but none can tell 
how ,i felt to hear their profane talk4 
,o1 ,i longed  that some dear ,christian
 should know my distress4 ,i got into a 
kind of  hovel1 and there groaned out my
 complaint to ,god2 and withal felt more
  sensible gratitude and thankfulness to
 ,god1 that he had made me to  differ   
from these men1 as ,i knew1 through     
grace1 he had4    ,lord's day1 ,april   
#ag4--8;,in the morning was again       
distressed as soon as  ,i awaked1       
hearing much talk about the world1 and  
the things of it4 ,i  perceived that the
 men were in some measure afraid of me2 
and ,i  discoursed about sanctifying the

 ,sabbath1 if possible to solemnize     
their  minds2 but when they were at a   
little distance1 they again talked      
freely  about secular affairs4 ,o ,i    
thought what a hell it would be to live 
with such men to eternity6 ,the ,lord   
gave me some assistance in  preaching1  
all day1 and some resignation1 and a    
small degree of comfort  in prayer1 at  
night4    ,april #ai4--8;,in the morning
 ,i enjoyed some sweet repose and rest  
in ,god2  felt some strength and        
confidence in him2 and my soul was in   
some  measure refreshed and comforted4  
,spent most of the day in writing1 and  
had some exercise of grace1 sensible and
 comfortable4 ,my soul seemed  lifted   
above the deep waters1 wherein it has   
long been almost drowned2  felt some    
spiritual longings and breathings after 
,god2 and found myself  engaged for the 
advancement of ,christ's kingdom in my  
own soul4    ,april #bj4--8,set apart   
this day for fasting and prayer1 to bow 
my soul  before ,god for the bestowment 

of divine grace2 especially that all my 
spiritual afflictions1 and inward       
distresses1 might be sanctified to my   
soul4 ,and endeavored also to remember  
the goodness of ,god to me the year     
past1 this day being my birth day4      
,having obtained help of ,god1 ,i have  
hitherto lived1 and am now arrived at   
the age of twenty-five years4 ,my  soul 
was pained to think of my barrenness and
 deadness2 that ,i have  lived so little
 to the glory of the eternal ,god4 ,i   
spent the day in the  woods alone1 and  
there poured out my complaint to ,god4  
,o that ,god would  enable me to live to
 his glory for the future6    ,may      
#aj4--8,was in the same state as to my  
mind1 that ,i have been in for  some    
time2 extremely oppressed with a sense  
of guilt1 pollution1 and  blindness1    
8,the iniquity of my heels hath         
compassed me about3 the sins  of my     
youth have been set in order before me2 
they have gone over my  head1 as an     
heavy burden1 too heavy for me to bear40

 ,almost all the  actions of my life    
past seem to be covered over with sin   
and guilt2 and  those of them that ,i   
performed in the most conscientious     
manner1 now  fill me with shame and     
confusion1 that ,i cannot hold up my    
face4 ,o1 the  pride1 selfishness1      
hypocrisy1 ignorance1 bitterness1 party 
zeal1 and  the want of love1 candor1    
meekness1 and gentleness1 that have     
attended  my attempts to promote the    
interests of religion2 and this1 when ,i
 have  reason to hope ,i had real       
assistance from above1 and some sweet   
intercourse with heaven6 ,but alas1 what
 corrupt mixtures attended my  best     
duties60    ,may #ah4--8,my             
circumstances are such that ,i have no  
comfort of any kind1  but what ,i have  
in ,god4 ,i live in the most lonesome   
wilderness2 have but  one single person 
to converse with that can speak         
,english4,d ,most of  the talk ,i hear1 
is either ,highland ,scotch1 or ,indian4
 ,i have no  fellow-christian to whom ,i

 may unbosom myself1 or lay open my     
spiritual  sorrows2 with whom ,i may    
take sweet counsel in conversation about
  heavenly things1 and join in social   
prayer4 ,i live poorly with regard to   
the comforts of life3 most of my diet   
consists of boiled corn1  hasty-pudding1
 c4 ,i lodge on a bundle of straw1 my   
labor is hard and  extremely difficult1 
and ,i have little appearance of success
 to comfort  me4 ,the ,indians have no  
land to live on but what the ,dutch     
people lay  claim to2 and these threaten
 to drive them off4 ,they have no regard
 to  the souls of the poor ,indians2 and
 by what ,i can learn1 they hate me     
because ,i come to preach to them4 ,but 
that which makes all my  difficulties   
grievous to be borne1 is1 that ,god     
hides his face from  me4    ,footnote   
,d3      ,this person was ,,brainerd's  
interpreter1 an ingenious young ,indian1
    belonging to ,stockbridge1 whose    
name was ,john ,wauwaumpequunnaunt4 ,he 
had been instructed in the ,christian   

religion by ,mr4 ,sergeant2 had    lived
 with the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,williams1 of      
,long-,meadow2 had been further         
instructed by him1 at the charge of ,mr4
 ,hollis1 of ,london2 and    understood 
both ,english and ,indian very well1 and
 wrote a good hand4    ,may #bj4--8,was 
much perplexed some part of the day2 but
 toward night had  some comfortable     
meditations on ,isa4 #dj3a4 8,comfort   
ye1 comfort ye my  people1 saith your   
,god10 and enjoyed some sweetness in    
prayer4 ,afterward  my soul rose so far 
above the deep waters1 that ,i dared to 
rejoice in  ,god4 ,i saw that there was 
sufficient matter of consolation in the 
blessed ,god40    ,on ,monday1 ,may #cj1
 he set out on a journey to ,new-,jersey
 to consult the  commissioners1 and     
obtain orders from them to set up a     
school among the  ,indians at           
,kaunaumeek1 and that his interpreter   
might be appointed the  schoolmaster2   
which was accordingly done4 ,he         
proceeded from ,new-,jersey  to         

,new-,haven1 where he arrived on        
,monday1 ,june #f2 attempted a          
reconciliation with the faculty of the  
college2 and spent this week in         
visiting his friends in those parts1 and
 in his journey homeward1 till          
,saturday1 in a pretty comfortable frame
 of mind4 ,on ,saturday1 in his way     
from ,stockbridge to ,kaunaumeek1 he was
 lost in the woods1 and lay all  night  
in the open air2 but happily found his  
way in the morning1 and  came to his    
,indians on ,lord's day1 ,june #ab1 and 
had greater assistance  in preaching    
among them than ever before1 since his  
first coming among  them4    ,from this 
time forward he was the subject of      
various frames and  exercises of mind1  
in the general much after the same      
manner as hitherto  from his first      
coming to ,kaunaumeek1 till he got into 
his own house1 7a  little hut1 which he 
made chiefly with his own hands1 by long
 and hard  labor47 ,he found that the   
distance of the family with whom he at  

first  lodged1 debarred him from many   
favorable opportunities of access to the
  ,indians1 especially morning and      
evening2 and after about three months1  
removed and lived with the ,indians in  
one of their wigwams4 ,here he          
continued for about one month1 when he  
completed the small house of  which he  
now speaks4    ,although he was much    
dejected during most of this period1 yet
 he had  many intermissions of his      
melancholy1 and some seasons of comfort1
 sweet  tranquillity and resignation of 
mind1 and frequently special assistance 
in public services1 as appears in his   
diary4 ,the manner of his relief  from  
his sorrow1 once in particular1 is      
worthy to be mentioned in his  own      
words4    ,july #be4--8;,had little or  
no resolution for a life of holiness2   
was  ready almost to renounce my hope of
 living to ,god4 ,and ,o how dark it    
looked1 to think of being unholy for    
ever6 ,this ,i could not endure4 ,the   
cry of my soul was1 ,psalm #fe3c4       

8,iniquities prevail against me40 ,but  
,i  was in some measure relieved by a   
comfortable meditation on ,god's        
eternity1 that he never had a beginning4
 ,whence ,i was led to admire his       
greatness and power1 in such a manner1  
that ,i stood still1 and praised  the   
,lord for his own glories and           
perfections3 though ,i was 7and if ,i   
should for ever be7 an unholy creature1 
my soul was comforted to  apprehend an  
eternal1 infinite1 powerful1 holy ,god40
    ,july #cj4--8;,just at night1 moved 
into my own house1 and lodged there     
that night2 found it much better        
spending the time alone than in the     
wigwam where ,i was before4    ,lord's  
day1 ,july #ca4--8;,felt more           
comfortably than some days past4        
,blessed be the ,lord1 who has now given
 me a place of retirement4 ,o that  ,i  
may find ,god in it1 and that he would  
dwell with me for ever6    ,aug4        
#a4--8,was still busy in further labors 
on my house4 ,felt a little  sweetness  

of religion1 and thought that it was    
worth while to follow  after ,god       
through a thousand snares1 deserts1 and 
death itself4 ,o that ,i  might always  
follow after holiness1 that ,i may be   
fully conformed to  ,god6 ,had some     
degree of sweetness in secret prayer1   
though ,i had much  sorrow4    ,aug4    
#c4--8,spent most of the day in writing4
 ,enjoyed some sense of  religion4      
,through divine goodness ,i am now      
uninterruptedly alone1 and  find my     
retirement comfortable4 ,i have enjoyed 
more sense of divine  things within a   
few days last past than for some time   
before4 ,i longed  after holiness1      
humility1 and meekness3 ,o that ,god    
would enable me to  #8pass the time of  
my sojourning here in his fear1' and    
always live to  him6    ,aug4 #d4--8,was
 enabled to pray much through the whole 
day2 and through  divine goodness found 
some intenseness of soul in the duty1 as
 ,i used to  do1 and some ability to    
persevere in my supplications4 ,i had   

some  apprehensions of divine things1   
which afforded me courage and           
resolution4 ,it is good1 ,i find1 to    
persevere in attempts to pray1 if ,i    
cannot pray with perseverance1 i4 e4    
continue long in my addresses to  the   
,divine ,being4 ,i have generally found 
that the more ,i do in secret  prayer1  
the more ,i have delighted to do1 and   
the more ,i have enjoyed a  spirit of   
prayer2 and frequently ,i have found the
 contrary1 when by  journeying or       
otherwise ,i have been much deprived of 
retirement4 ,a  seasonable1 steady      
performance of ,,secret ,,duties ,,in   
,,their ,,proper ,,hours1  and a        
,,careful ,,improvement ,,of ,,all      
,,time1 filling up every hour with some 
profitable labor1 either of heart1 head1
 or hands1 are excellent means  of      
spiritual peace and boldness before     
,god4 ,filling up our time with  and for
 ,god1 is the way to rise up and lie    
down in peace4    ,aug4 #ac4--8,was     
enabled in secret prayer to raise my    

soul to ,god1 with  desire and delight4 
,it was indeed a blessed season4 ,i     
found the comfort  of being a           
,christian2 and 8counted the sufferings 
of the present life  not worthy to be   
compared with the glory0 of divine      
enjoyments even in  this world4 ,all my 
past sorrows seemed kindly to disappear1
 and ,i  8remembered no more the sorrow1
 for joy40 ,o1 how kindly1 and with what
 a  filial tenderness1 the soul confides
 in 8the ,rock of ,ages10 at such a     
season1 that he will 8never leave it nor
 forsake it10 that he will cause  8all  
things to work together for its good60  
,i longed that others should  know how  
good a ,god the ,lord is4 ,my soul was  
full of tenderness and  love1 even to   
the most inveterate of my enemies4 ,i   
longed that they  should share in the   
same mercy2 and loved that ,god should  
so do just as  he pleased with me and   
every thing else4 ,i felt peculiarly    
serious1  calm1 and peaceful1 and       
encouragement to press after holiness as

 long as  ,i live1 whatever difficulties
 and trials may be in my way4 ,may the  
,lord  always help me so to do6 ,amen1  
and ,amen4    ,aug4 #ae4--8,spent most  
of the day in labor1 to procure         
something to keep  my horse on in the   
winter4 ,had not much spiritual         
enjoyment in the  morning2 was very weak
 in body through the day2 and thought   
that this  frail body would soon drop   
into the dust2 and had some very        
realizing  apprehensions of a speedy    
entrance into another world4 ,in this   
weak  state of body1 ,i was not a little
 distressed for want of suitable food4  
,i had no bread1 nor could ,i get any4  
,i am forced to go or send ten or       
fifteen miles for all the bread ,i eat2 
and sometimes it is mouldy and  sour    
before ,i eat it1 if ,i get any         
considerable quantity4 ,and then again  
,i have none for some days together1 for
 want of an opportunity to send  for it1
 and cannot find my horse in the woods  
to go myself2 and this was  my case now2

 but through divine goodness ,i had some
 ,indian meal1 of  which ,i made cakes1 
and fried them4 ,yet ,i felt contented  
with my  circumstances1 and sweetly     
resigned to ,god4 ,in prayer ,i enjoyed 
great  freedom2 and blessed ,god as much
 for my present circumstances as if ,i  
had been a king2 and thought that ,i    
found a disposition to be contented  in 
any circumstances4 ,blessed be ,god40   
,in his diary for ,saturday1 he says he 
was somewhat melancholy and  sorrowful  
in mind2 and adds1 8,i never feel       
comfortably1 but when ,i find  my soul  
going forth after ,god4 ,if ,i cannot be
 holy1 ,i must necessarily  be miserable
 for ever4    ,lord's day1 ,aug4        
#ba4--8,was much straitened in the      
forenoon exercise2 my  thoughts seemed  
to be all scattered to the ends of the  
earth4 ,at noon1 ,i  fell down before   
the ,lord1 groaned under my vileness1   
barrenness1 and  deadness2 and felt as  
if ,i was guilty of soul murder1 in     
speaking to  immortal souls in such a   

manner as ,i had then done4 ,in the     
afternoon ,god  was pleased to give me  
some assistance1 and ,i was enabled to  
set before  my hearers the nature and   
necessity of true repentance4 ,afterward
 had  some small degree of thankfulness4
 ,was very ill and full of pain in the  
evening and my soul mourned that ,i had 
spent so much time to so little  profit4
    ,aug4 #bc4--8,studied in the        
forenoon1 and enjoyed some freedom4 ,in 
the  afternoon labored abroad3          
endeavored to pray1 but found not much  
enjoyment or intenseness of mind4       
,toward night was very weary1 and tired 
of this world of sorrow3 the thoughts of
 death and immortality appeared  very   
desirable1 and even refreshed my soul4  
,those lines turned in my  mind with    
pleasure1                 8,come death1 
shake hands2 ,i'll kiss thy bands2      
8',tis happiness for me to die4--       
8,what6--dost thou think that ,i will   
shrink8               8,i'll go to      
immortality40    8,in evening prayer1   

,god was pleased to draw near my soul1  
though very  sinful and unworthy2 so    
that ,i was enabled to wrestle with     
,god1 and to  persevere in my requests  
for grace4 ,i poured out my soul for all
 the  world1 friends and enemies4 ,my   
soul was concerned1 not so much for     
souls  as such1 but rather for ,christ's
 kingdom1 that it might appear in the   
world1 that ,god might be known to be   
,god1 in the whole earth4 ,and ,o my    
soul abhorred the very thought of a     
party in religion6 ,let the truth  of   
,god appear1 wherever it is2 and ,god   
have glory for ever4 ,amen4 ,this  was  
indeed a comfortable season4 ,i thought 
,i had some foretaste of the  enjoyments
 and employments of the upper world4 ,o 
that my soul was more  attempered to it6
    ,aug4 #ca4--,on a journey to        
,new-,york4 8,was in a sweet1 serious1  
and ,i  hope1 ,christian frame4 ,eternal
 things engrossed all my thoughts2 and  
,i  longed to be in the world of        
spirits4 ,o how happy is it to have all 

our  thoughts swallowed up in that      
world3 to feel one's self a stranger in 
this world1 diligently seeking a road   
through it1 the best1 the sure  road to 
the heavenly ,jerusalem60    ,he went   
forward on his journey1 and after       
tarrying two or three days at           
,new-,york1 set out from that city      
toward ,new-,haven1 intending to be     
there  at the commencement4    ,lord's  
day1 ,sept4 #aa4--8;,at ,horse-,neck4   
,in the afternoon ,i preached  from     
,titus1 #c3h4 ,i think ,god never helped
 me more in painting true  religion1 and
 in detecting clearly1 and tenderly     
discountenancing false  appearances of  
religion1 wild fire1 party zeal1        
spiritual pride1 c4 as  well as a       
confident dogmatical spirit1 and its    
spring1 viz4 ignorance  of the heart4   
,in the evening took much pains in      
private conversation to  suppress some  
confusions which ,i perceived were among
 that people4    ,sept4 #ac4--8,rode to 
,new-,haven4 ,was sometimes dejected2   

not in the  sweetest frame4 ,lodged at  
999999994 ,had some profitable          
,christian  conversation4 ,i find1      
though my inward trials were great1 and 
a life of  solitude gives them greater  
advantage to settle1 and penetrate to   
the  very inmost recesses of the soul2  
yet it is better to be alone than       
incumbered with noise and tumult4 ,i    
find it very difficult maintaining  any 
sense of divine things while removing   
from place to place diverted  with new  
objects1 and filled with care and       
business4 ,a settled steady  business is
 best adapted to a life of strict       
religion4    ,sept4 #ad4--8,this day ,i 
ought to have taken my degree2 but ,god 
sees  fit to deny it me4 ,and though ,i 
was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed 
with perplexity and confusion1 when ,i  
should see my classmates take  theirs2  
yet1 at the very time1 ,god enabled me  
with calmness and  resignation to say1  
8the will of the ,lord be done40        
,indeed1 through  divine goodness1 ,i   

have scarcely felt my mind so calm1     
sedate1 and  comfortable for some time4 
,i have long feared this season1 and    
expected  my humility1 meekness1        
patience and resignation would be much  
tried2 but  found much more pleasure and
 divine comfort than ,i expected4 ,felt 
spiritually serious1 tender and         
affectionate in private prayer with a   
dear ,christian friend to-day4    ,sept4
 #ae4--8;,had some satisfaction in      
hearing the ministers discourse4  ,it is
 always a comfort to me to hear         
religious and spiritual  conversation4  
,o that ministers and people were more  
spiritual and  devoted to ,god6 ,toward 
night1 with the advice of ,christian    
friends1 ,i  offered the following      
reflections in writing1 to the rector   
and trustees  of the college--which are 
for substance the same that ,i had      
freely  offered to the rector before1   
and intreated him to accept--that if    
possible ,i might cut off all occasion  
of offence from those who seek          

occasion4 ,what ,i offered1 is as       
follows3      8#8,whereas ,i have said  
before several persons1 concerning ,mr4 
,whittelsey1 one of the tutors of ,yale 
,college1 that ,i did not believe    he 
had any more grace than the chair ,i    
then leaned upon2 ,i humbly    confess1 
that herein ,i have sinned against ,god1
 and acted contrary to    the rules of  
his word1 and have injured ,mr4         
,whittelsey4 ,i had no right    to make 
thus free with his character2 and had no
 just reason to say as    ,i did        
concerning him4 ,my fault herein was the
 more aggravated1 in that    ,i said    
this concerning one who was so much my  
superior1 and one whom ,i    was obliged
 to treat with special respect and      
honor1 by reason of the    relation ,i  
stood in to him in the college4 ,such a 
manner of behavior ,i    confess did not
 become a ,christian2 it was taking too 
much upon me1    and did not savor of   
that humble respect which ,i ought to   
have    expressed toward ,mr4           

,whittelsey4 ,i have long since been    
convinced of    the falseness of those  
apprehensions1 by which ,i then         
justified such a    conduct4 ,i have    
often reflected on this act with grief2 
,i hope1 on    account of the sin of it3
 and am willing to lie low1 and be      
abased    before ,god and man for it4 ,i
 humbly ask the forgiveness of the      
governors of the college and of the     
whole society2 but of ,mr4              
,whittelsey in particular4 ,and whereas 
,i have been accused by one    person of
 saying concerning the reverend rector  
of ,yale ,college1 that    ,i wondered  
he did not expect to drop down dead for 
fining the scholars    that followed    
,mr4 ,tennent to ,milford2 ,i seriously 
profess that ,i do    not remember my   
saying any thing to this purpose3 but if
 ,i did1 which    ,i am not certain ,i  
did not1 ,i utterly condemn it1 and     
detest all such    kind of behavior2 and
 especially in an under-graduate toward 
the    rector4 ,and ,i now appear to    

judge and condemn myself for going once 
to    the separate meeting in           
,new-,haven1 a little before ,i was     
expelled1    though the rector had      
refused to give me leave4 ,for this ,i  
humbly ask    the rector's forgiveness4 
,and whether the governors of the       
college    shall ever see cause to      
remove the academical censure ,i lie    
under1 or    no1 or to admit me to the  
privileges ,i desire2 yet ,i am willing 
to    appear1 if they think fit1 openly 
to own1 and to humble myself for        
those things ,i have herein confessed4'0
    8,god has made me willing to do any 
thing that ,i can do consistently with  
truth1 for the sake of peace1 and that  
,i might not be a stumbling block  to   
others4 ,for this reason ,i can         
cheerfully forego and give up what ,i   
verily believe1 after the most mature   
and impartial search1 is my right1  in  
some instances4 ,god has given me the   
disposition1 that1 if a man has  done me
 a hundred injuries1 and ,i 7though ever

 so much provoked to it7  have done him 
only one1 ,i feel disposed and heartily 
willing humbly to  confess my fault to  
him1 and on my knees to ask forgiveness 
of him2  though at the same time he     
should justify himself in all the       
injuries he  has done me1 and should    
only make use of my humble confession to
 blacken  my character the more1 and    
represent me as the only person guilty2 
yea1  though he should as it were insult
 me1 and say1 8he knew all this  before1
 and that ,i was making work for        
repentance40 ,though what ,i said       
concerning ,mr4 ,whittelsey was only    
spoken in private1 to a friend or  two2 
and being partly overheard1 was related 
to the rector1 and by him  extorted from
 my friends2 yet1 seeing it was divulged
 and made public1 ,i  was willing to    
confess my fault therein publicly4 ,but 
,i trust ,god will  plead my cause40    
,i was witness to the very ,christian   
spirit which ,brainerd showed at that   
time2 being then at ,new-,haven1 and one

 whom he thought fit to consult on  that
 occasion4 ,this was my first           
opportunity of a personal acquaintance  
with him4 ,there truly appeared in him a
 great degree of calmness and  humility1
 without the least appearance of rising 
of spirit for any ill  treatment which  
he supposed he had suffered1 or the     
least backwardness  to abase himself    
before them who1 as he thought1 had     
wronged him4 ,what  he did was without  
any objection or appearance of          
reluctance1 even in  private to his     
friends1 to whom he freely opened       
himself4 ,earnest  application was made 
on his behalf to the authority of the   
college1 that  he might have his degree 
then given him2 and particularly by the 
,rev4  ,mr4 ,burr of ,newark1 one of the
 correspondents of the society in       
,scotland2 he being sent from           
,new-,jersey to ,new-,haven1 by the rest
 of the  commissioners1 for that end2   
and many arguments were used1 but       
without  success4 ,indeed1 the governors

 of the college were so far satisfied   
with  the reflections which ,brainerd   
had made on himself1 that they appeared 
willing to admit him again into college2
 but not to give him his degree1  till  
he should have remained there at least  
twelve months1 which being  contrary to 
what the correspondents1 to whom he was 
now engaged1 had  declared to be their  
mind1 he did not consent to it4 ,he     
desired his  degree1 as he thought it   
would tend to his being more extensively
  useful2 but still when he was denied  
it1 he manifested no disappointment  or 
resentment4    ,sept4 #bj4--8;,at       
,bethlehem4 ,had thoughts of going      
forward on my journey  to my ,indians2  
but toward night was taken with a hard  
pain in my teeth1  and shivering cold2  
and could not possibly recover a        
comfortable degree  of warmth the whole 
night following ,i continued very full  
of pain all  night2 and in the morning  
had a very hard fever1 and pains almost 
over  my whole body4 ,i had a sense of  

the divine goodness in appointing this  
to be the place of my sickness1 among my
 friends1 who were very kind to  me4 ,i 
should probably have perished if ,i had 
first got home to my own  house in the  
wilderness1 where ,i have none to       
converse with but the  poor1 rude1      
ignorant ,indians4 ,here1 ,i saw1 was   
mercy in the midst of  affliction4 ,i   
continued thus1 mostly confined to my   
bed1 till ,friday  night2 very full of  
pain most of the time2 but1 through     
divine goodness1  not afraid of death4  
,then ,i saw the extreme folly of those 
who put off  their turning to ,god till 
a sick bed4 ,surely this is not a time  
proper  to prepare for eternity4 ,on    
,friday evening my pains went off       
somewhat  suddenly4 ,i was exceedingly  
weak1 and almost fainted2 but was very  
comfortable the night following4 ,i     
thought we were to prize the            
continuation of life1 only on this      
account1 that we may 8show forth  ,god's
 goodness and works of grace40    ,oct4 

#d4--8,this day rode home to my own     
house and people4 ,the poor  ,indians   
appeared very glad of my return4 ,found 
my house and all things  in safety1 ,i  
presently fell on my knees1 and blessed 
,god for my safe  return4 ,i have taken 
many considerable journies since this   
time last  year1 and yet ,god has never 
suffered one of my bones to be broken1  
or  any distressing calamity to befal   
me1 excepting the ill turn ,i had in my 
last journey4 ,i have been often exposed
 to cold and hunger in the  wilderness1 
where the comforts of life were not to  
be had2 have  frequently been lost in   
the woods2 and sometimes obliged to ride
 much of  the night2 and once lay out in
 the woods all night2 yet blessed be    
,god1  he has preserved me6    ,nov4    
#c4--8,spent this day in secret fasting 
and prayer1 from morning  till night4   
,early in the morning ,i had some small 
degree of assistance  in prayer4        
,afterward read the story of ,elijah the
 prophet1 #a ,kings1  #agth1 #ahth1 and 

#aith chapters2 and also #b ,kings1     
#b;d1 and #dth chapters4  ,my soul was  
much moved1 observing the faith1 zeal1  
and power of that  holy man2 how he     
wrestled with ,god in prayer1 c4 ,my    
soul then cried  with ,elisha1 8,where  
is the ,lord ,god of ,elijah60 ,o ,i    
longed for more  faith6 ,my soul        
breathed after ,god1 and pleaded with   
him1 that a 8double  portion of that    
spirit0 which was given to ,elijah1     
might 8rest on me40  ,and that which was
 divinely refreshing and strengthening  
to my soul1  was1 ,i saw that ,god is   
the same that he was in the days of     
,elijah4 ,was  enabled to wrestle with  
,god by prayer1 in a more affectionate1 
fervent1  humble1 intense1 and          
importunate manner1 than ,i have for    
many months  past4 ,nothing seemed too  
hard for ,god to perform2 nothing too   
great for  me to hope for from him4 ,i  
had for many months entirely lost all   
hope of  being made instrumental of     
doing any special service for ,god in   

the  world2 it has appeared entirely    
impossible1 that one so vile should be  
thus employed for ,god4 ,but at this    
time ,god was pleased to revive this    
hope4 ,afterward read from the #c;d     
chapter of ,exodus to the #bjth1 and saw
  more of the glory and majesty of ,god 
discovered in those chapters  than ever 
,i had seen before2 frequently in the   
mean time falling on my  knees and      
crying to ,god for the faith of ,moses1 
and for a manifestation  of the divine  
glory4 ,especially the #c;d1 #dth1 and  
part of the #adth and  #aeth chapters   
were unspeakably sweet to my soul3 my   
soul blessed ,god  that he had shown    
himself so gracious to his servants of  
old4 ,the #aeth  chapter seemed to be   
the very language which my soul uttered 
to ,god in  the season of my first      
spiritual comfort1 when ,i had just got 
through  the ,red ,sea1 by a way that ,i
 had no expectation of4 ,o how my soul  
then rejoiced in ,god6 ,and now those   
things came fresh and lively to my      

mind2 now my soul blessed ,god afresh   
that he had opened that unthought  of   
way to deliver me from the fear of the  
,egyptians1 when ,i almost  despaired of
 life4 ,afterward read the story of     
,abraham's pilgrimage in  the land of   
,canaan4 ,my soul was melted1 in        
observing his faith1 how he  leaned on  
,god2 how he communed with ,god2 and    
what a stranger he was  here in the     
world4 ,after that1 read the story of   
,joseph's sufferings1  and ,god's       
goodness to him3 blessed ,god for these 
examples of faith and  patience4 ,my    
soul was ardent in prayer1 was enabled  
to wrestle ardently  for myself1 for    
,christian friends1 and for the church  
of ,god2 and felt  more desire to see   
the power of ,god in the conversion of  
souls1 than ,i  have done for a long    
season4 ,blessed be ,god for this season
 of fasting  and prayer6--,may his      
goodness always abide with me1 and draw 
my soul to  him6    ,nov4 #aj4--8,spent 
this day in fasting and prayer alone4   

,in the morning  was very dull and      
lifeless1 melancholy and discouraged4   
,but after some  time1 while reading #b 
,kings1 #ai1 my soul was moved and      
affected2  especially reading verse #ad1
 and onward4 ,i saw there was no other  
way  for the afflicted children of ,god 
to take1 but to go to ,god with all     
their sorrows4 ,hezekiah1 in his great  
distress1 went and spread his  complaint
 before the ,lord4 ,i was then enabled  
to see the mighty power of  ,god1 and my
 extreme need of that power2 and to cry 
to him affectionately  and ardently for 
his power and grace to be exercised     
toward me4  ,afterward1 read the story  
of ,david's trials1 and observed the    
course he  took under them1 how he      
strengthened his hands in ,god2 whereby 
my soul  was carried out after ,god1    
enabled to cry to him1 and rely upon    
him1 and  felt strong in the ,lord4 ,was
 afterward refreshed1 observing the     
blessed  temper that was wrought in     
,david by his trials3 all bitterness1   

and  desire of revenge1 seemed wholly   
taken away2 so that he mourned for the  
death of his enemies4 #b ,sam4 #a3ag1   
and #d3i-ab4 ,was enabled to bless ,god 
that he had given me something of this  
divine temper1 that my soul  freely     
forgives1 and heartily loves my enemies4
    ,nov4 #bi4--8;,began to study the   
,indian tongue1 with ,mr4 ,sergeant1 at 
,stockbridge4,e ,was perplexed for want 
of more retirement4 ,i love to  live    
alone in my own little cottage1 where ,i
 can spend much time in  prayer1 c4     
,footnote ,e3      ,the commissioners   
who employed him1 had directed him to   
spend much    time this winter with ,mr4
 ,sergeant1 to learn the language of the
    ,indians2 which necessitated him    
very often to ride backward and         
forward1 twenty miles through the       
uninhabited woods between               
,stockbridge and ,kaunaumeek2 which many
 times exposed him to extreme           
hardship in the severe seasons of the   
winter4    ,dec4 #bb4--8,spent this day 

alone in fasting and prayer1 and reading
 in  ,god's word the exercises and      
deliverances of his children4 ,had1 ,i  
trust1  some exercise of faith1 and     
realizing apprehension of divine power1 
grace1 and holiness2 and also of the    
unchangeableness of ,god1 that he is    
the same as when he delivered his saints
 of old out of great  tribulation4 ,my  
soul was sundry times in prayer enlarged
 for ,god's  church and people4 ,o that 
,zion might become the 8joy of the whole
  earth60 ,it is better to wait upon    
,god with patience1 than to put         
confidence in any thing in this lower   
world4 8,my soul1 wait thou on the      
,lord20 for 8from him comes thy         
salvation40    ,lord's day1 ,jan4 #a1   
#agdd4--8;,in the morning had some small
 degree of  assistance in prayer4 ,saw  
myself so vile and unworthy that ,i     
could not  look my people in the face   
when ,i came to preach4 ,o my meanness1 
folly1  ignorance1 and inward           
pollution6--,in the evening had a little

 assistance  in prayer1 so that the duty
 was delightful1 rather than burdensome4
  ,reflected on the goodness of ,god to 
me in the past year1 c4 ,of a truth     
,god has been kind and gracious to me1  
though he has caused me to pass  through
 many sorrows2 he has provided for me   
bountifully1 so that ,i have  been      
enabled1 in about fifteen months past1  
to bestow to charitable uses  about an  
hundred pounds ,new-,england money1 that
 ,i can now remember4  ,blessed be the  
,lord that has so far used me as his    
steward1 to  distribute a portion of his
 goods4 ,may ,i always remember1 that   
all ,i  have comes from ,god4 ,blessed  
be the ,lord1 that has carried me       
through  all the toils1 fatigues and    
hardships of the year past1 as well as  
the  spiritual sorrows and conflicts    
that have attended it4 ,o that ,i could 
begin this year with ,god1 and spend the
 whole of it to his glory1  either in   
life or death6    ,jan4 #c4--8,was      
employed much of the day in writing2 and

 spent some time  in other necessary    
employment4 ,but my time passes away so 
swiftly1 that  ,i am astonished when ,i 
reflect on it1 and see how little ,i do4
 ,my state  of solitude does not make   
the hours hang heavy upon my hands4 ,o  
what  reason of thankfulness have ,i on 
account of this retirement6 ,i find that
  ,i do not1 and it seems ,i cannot1    
lead a ,christian life when ,i am       
abroad1 and cannot spend time in        
devotion1 ,christian conversation1 and  
serious meditation1 as ,i should do4    
,those weeks that ,i am obliged now to  
be from home1 in order to learn the     
,indian tongue1 are mostly spent in     
perplexity and barrenness1 without much 
sweet relish of divine things2  and ,i  
feel myself a stranger at the throne of 
grace for want of more  frequent and    
continued retirement4 ,when ,i return   
home and give myself to  meditation1    
prayer1 and fasting1 a new scene opens  
to my mind1 and my  soul longs for      
mortification1 self-denial1 humility1   

and divorcement  from all things of the 
world4 ,this evening my heart was       
somewhat warm  and fervent in prayer and
 meditation1 so that ,i was loth to     
indulge  sleep4 ,continued in those     
duties till about midnight4    ,jan4    
#f4--8;,feeling my extreme weakness1 and
 want of grace1 the pollution  of my    
soul1 and danger of temptations on every
 side1 ,i set apart this  day for       
fasting and prayer1 neither eating nor  
drinking from evening to  evening1      
beseeching ,god to have mercy on me4 ,my
 soul intensely longed  that the        
dreadful spots and stains of sin might  
be washed away from it4  ,saw something 
of the power and all-sufficiency of     
,god4 ,my soul seemed to  rest on his   
power and grace2 longed for resignation 
to his will1 and  mortification to all  
things here below4 ,my mind was greatly 
fixed on  divine things3 my resolutions 
for a life of mortification1 continual  
watchfulness1 self-denial1 seriousness  
and devotion1 were strong and  fixed2 my

 desires ardent and intense2 my         
conscience tender1 and afraid  of every 
appearance of evil4 ,my soul grieved    
with reflection on past  levity1 and    
want of resolution for ,god4 ,i solemnly
 renewed my dedication  of myself to    
,god1 and longed for grace to enable me 
always to keep  covenant with him4 ,time
 appeared very short1 eternity near and 
a great  name1 either in or after life1 
together with all earthly pleasures and 
profits1 but an empty bubble1 a deluding
 dream4    ,jan4 #g4 8,spent this day in
 seriousness1 with steadfast resolutions
 for  ,god1 and a life of mortification4
 ,studied closely1 till ,i felt my      
bodily  strength fail4 ,felt some degree
 of resignation to ,god1 with an        
acquiescence in his dispensations4 ,was 
grieved that ,i could do so little  for 
,god before my bodily strength failed4  
,in the evening1 though tired1  was     
enabled to continue instant in prayer   
for some time4 ,spent the time  in      
reading1 meditation1 and prayer1 till   

the evening was far spent3 was  grieved 
to think that ,i could not watch unto   
prayer the whole night4  ,but blessed be
 ,god1 heaven is a place of continual   
and incessant  devotion though the earth
 is dull4    ,jan4 #ad4 8,this morning1 
enjoyed a most solemn season in prayer3 
my  soul seemed enlarged and assisted to
 pour out itself to ,god for grace1  and
 for every blessing ,i wanted for       
myself1 for dear ,christian friends1    
and for the church of ,god2 and was so  
enabled to 8see ,him who is  invisible10
 that my soul rested upon him for the   
performance of every  thing ,i asked    
agreeable to his will4 ,it was then my  
happiness to  #8continue instant in     
prayer1' and ,i was enabled to continue 
in it for  near an hour4 ,my soul was   
then 8strong in the ,lord1 and in the   
power of  his might40 ,longed           
exceedingly for an angelic holiness and 
purity1 and  to have all my thoughts1 at
 all times1 employed in divine and      
heavenly  things4 ,felt the same divine 

assistance in prayer sundry times in the
  day4 ,my soul confided in ,god for    
myself1 and for his ,zion3 trusted in   
divine power and grace1 that he would do
 glorious things in his church  on      
earth1 for his own glory4    ,feb4 #c4  
8,enjoyed more freedom and comfort than 
of late2 was engaged in  meditation upon
 the different whispers of the various  
powers and  affections of a pious mind1 
exercised with a great variety of       
dispensations2 and could not but write1 
as well as meditate1 on so  entertaining
 a subject4 ,i hope the ,lord gave me   
some true sense of  divine things this  
day2 but alas1 how great and pressing   
are the remains  of indwelling          
corruption6 ,i am now more sensible than
 ever1 that ,god  alone is 8the author  
and finisher of our faith10 i4 e4 that  
the whole  and every part of            
sanctification1 and every good word1    
work1 or thought1  found in me1 is the  
effect of his power and grace2 that     
8without him ,i  can do nothing10 in the

 strictest sense1 and that1 8he works in
 us to  will and to do of his own good  
pleasure10 and from no other motive4 ,o 
how amazing it is that people can talk  
so much about men's power and  goodness1
 when if ,god did not hold us back every
 moment1 we should be  devils incarnate6
 ,this my bitter experience1 for several
 days last past1  has abundantly taught 
me concerning myself4    ,feb4 #g4 8,my 
soul felt and tasted that the ,lord is  
gracious2 that he is  the supreme good1 
the only soul-satisfying happiness2 that
 he is a  complete1 sufficient1 and     
almighty portion4 ,the language of my   
heart  was1 8,whom have ,i in heaven but
 thee8 and there is none upon earth that
  ,i desire beside thee40 ,o1 ,i feel   
that it is heaven to please him1 and to 
be just what he would have me to be6 ,o 
that my soul were 8holy1 as he is       
holy60 ,o that it were 8pure1 even as   
,christ is pure20 and 8perfect1 as  my  
,father in heaven is perfect60 ,these ,i
 feel are the sweetest commands  in     

,god's book1 comprising all others4 ,and
 shall ,i break them6 must ,i  break    
them6 am ,i under the necessity of it as
 long as ,i live in the  world6 ,o my   
soul1 wo1 wo is me1 that ,i am a sinner1
 who continually  grieve and offend this
 blessed ,god1 infinite in goodness and 
grace6 ,o  methinks if he would punish  
me for my sins1 it would not wound my   
heart  so deep to offend him2 but though
 ,i sin continually1 yet he continually 
repeats his kindness to me6 ,o methinks 
,i could bear any sufferings2 but  how  
can ,i bear to grieve and dishonor this 
blessed ,god6 ,how shall ,i  yield ten  
thousand times more honor to him8 ,what 
shall ,i do to glorify  and worship this
 best of beings8 ,o that ,i could       
consecrate myself1 soul  and body1 to   
his service for ever6 ,o that ,i could  
give up myself to him1  so as never more
 to attempt to be my own1 or to have any
 will or  affections that are not       
perfectly conformed to him6 ,but1 alas6 
,i find ,i  cannot be thus entirely     

devoted to ,god2 ,i cannot live1 and not
 sin4 ,o ye  angels1 do ye glorify him  
incessantly2 and if possible1 prostrate 
yourselves lower before the blessed     
,king of heaven6 ,i long to bear a  part
 with you2 and1 if it were possible1 to 
help you4 ,o when we have  done all that
 we can1 to all eternity1 we shall not  
be able to offer the  ten thousandth    
part of the homage which the glorious   
,god deserves6    ,march #c4 8,in the   
morning1 spent 7,i believe7 an hour in  
prayer1 with  great intenseness and     
freedom1 and with the most soft and     
tender  affection toward all mankind4 ,i
 longed that those who1 ,i have reason  
to  think1 owe me ill will1 might be    
eternally happy4 ,it seemed refreshing  
to think of meeting them in heaven1 how 
much soever they had injured me  on     
earth3 had no disposition to insist upon
 any confession from them1 in  order to 
reconciliation1 and the exercise of love
 and kindness to them4  ,o it is an     
emblem of heaven itself1 to love all the

 world with a love of  kindness1        
forgiveness1 and benevolence2 to feel   
our souls sedate1 mild1  and meek2 to be
 void of all evil surmisings and        
suspicions1 and scarce  able to think   
evil of any man upon any occasion2 to   
find our hearts  simple1 open1 and free1
 to those that look upon us with a      
different  eye6--,prayer was so sweet an
 exercise to me1 that ,i knew not how to
  cease1 lest ,i should lose the spirit 
of prayer4 ,felt no disposition to  eat 
or drink1 for the sake of the pleasure  
of it1 but only to support my  nature1  
and fit me for divine service4 ,could   
not be content without a  very          
particular mention of a great number of 
dear friends at the throne  of grace2 as
 also the particular circumstances of   
many1 as far as they  were known4       
,march #aj4 8,in the morning1 felt      
exceeding dead to the world1 and all    
its enjoyments4 ,i thought ,i was ready 
and willing to give up life and  all its
 comforts1 as soon as called to it2 and 

yet then had as much  comfort of life as
 almost ever ,i had4 ,i longed to be    
perpetually and  entirely crucified to  
all things here below1 by the cross of  
,christ4  ,my soul was sweetly resigned 
to ,god's disposal of me1 in every      
regard2  and ,i saw that nothing had    
happened but what was best for me4 ,i   
confided  in ,god1 that he would never  
leave me1 though ,i should 8walk through
 the  valley of the shadow of death40   
,it was then my meat and drink to be    
holy1 to live to the ,lord1 and die to  
the ,lord4 ,and ,i thought that ,i  then
 enjoyed such a heaven as far exceeded  
the most sublime conceptions  of an     
unregenerate soul2 and even unspeakably 
beyond what ,i myself could  conceive of
 at another time4 ,i did not wonder that
 ,peter said1 8,lord1 it  is good to be 
here10 when thus refreshed with divine  
glories4 ,my soul  was full of love and 
tenderness in the duty of intercession2 
especially  felt a most sweet affection 
to some precious godly ministers1 of my 

acquaintance4 ,prayed earnestly for dear
 ,christians1 and for those ,i have     
reason to fear are my enemies2 and could
 not have spoken a word of  bitterness1 
or entertained a bitter thought1 against
 the vilest man  living4 ,had a sense of
 my own great unworthiness4 ,my soul    
seemed to  breathe forth love and praise
 to ,god afresh1 when ,i thought he     
would let  his children love and receive
 me as one of their brethren and fellow 
citizens4 ,when ,i thought of their     
treating me in that manner1 ,i longed   
to lie at their feet2 and could think of
 no way to express the sincerity  and   
simplicity of my love and esteem of     
them1 as being much better than  myself4
    ,lord's day1 ,march #aa4 8,my soul  
was in some measure strengthened in     
,god1 in morning devotion2 so that ,i   
was released from trembling fear  and   
distress4 ,preached to my people from   
the parable of the sower1  ,matt4 #ac1  
and enjoyed some assistance both parts  
of the day1 had some  freedom1          

affection1 and fervency in addressing my
 poor people2 longed  that ,god should  
take hold of their hearts1 and make them
 spiritually  alive4 ,and indeed ,i had 
so much to say to them1 that ,i knew not
 how to  leave off speaking40    ,this  
was the last ,sabbath in which he ever  
performed public service at             
,kaunaumeek1 and these the last sermons 
which he ever preached to the  ,indians 
there4 ,the methods he adopted for their
 salvation1 he thus  describes in a     
letter to ,rev4 ,mr4 ,pemberton of      
,new-,york4    8,in my labors with them1
 in order to 8turn them from darkness to
 light10  ,i studied what was most plain
 and easy1 and best suited to their     
capacities2 and endeavored to set before
 them from time to time1 as they  were  
able to receive them1 the most important
 and necessary truths  of ,christianity2
 such as most immediately concerned     
their speedy  conversion to ,god1 and   
such as ,i judged had the greatest      
tendency1 as  means1 to effect that     

glorious change in them4 ,but especially
 ,i made it  the scope and drift of all 
my labors1 to lead them into a thorough 
acquaintance with these two things3     
7#a47 ,the sinfulness and misery  of the
 estate they were naturally in2 the evil
 of their hearts1 the  pollution of     
their natures2 the heavy guilt they were
 under1 and their  exposedness to       
everlasting punishment2 as also their   
utter inability to  save themselves1    
either from their sins1 or from those   
miseries which  are the just punishment 
of them2 and their unworthiness of any  
mercy at  the hand of ,god1 on account  
of any thing they themselves could do to
  procure his favor1 and consequently   
their extreme need of ,christ to save   
them4 ,and1 7#b47 ,i frequently         
endeavored to open to them the fullness1
  all-sufficiency1 and freeness of that 
redemption which the ,son of  ,god has  
wrought out by his obedience and        
sufferings1 for perishing  sinners3 how 
this provision he had made was suited to

 all their wants2  and how he called and
 invited them to accept of everlasting  
life freely1  notwithstanding all their 
sinfulness4    8,after ,i had been with 
the ,indians several months1 ,i composed
 sundry  forms of prayer1 adapted to    
their circumstances and capacities2     
which1  with the help of my interpreter1
 ,i translated into the ,indian         
language2  and soon learned to pronounce
 their words1 so as to pray with them in
  their own tongue4 ,i also translated  
sundry psalms into their language1  and 
soon after we were able to sing in the  
worship of ,god4    8,when my people had
 gained some acquaintance with many of  
the simplest  truths of ,christianity1  
so that they were capable of receiving  
and  understanding others1 ,i gave them 
an historical account of ,god's         
dealings with his ancient professing    
people1 the ,jews2 some of the rites    
and ceremonies they were obliged to     
observe1 as their sacrifices1 c42  and  
what these were designed to represent to

 them2 as also some of the  surprising  
miracles ,god wrought for their         
salvation1 while they  trusted in him2  
and sore punishments he sometimes       
brought upon them1  when they forsook   
and sinned against him4 ,afterward ,i   
proceeded to give  them a relation of   
the birth1 life1 miracles1 sufferings1  
death1 and  resurrection of ,christ2 as 
well as his ascension1 and the wonderful
  effusion of the ,holy ,spirit         
consequent thereupon4    8,and having   
thus endeavored to prepare the way by   
such a general account  of things1 ,i   
next proceeded to read and expound to   
them the ,gospel of  ,st4 ,matthew 7at  
least the substance of it7 in course1   
wherein they had a  more distinct and   
particular view of what they had had    
before some  general notion4 ,these     
expositions ,i attended almost every    
evening1  when there was any            
considerable number of them at home2    
except when ,i  was obliged to be absent
 myself1 in order to learn the ,indian  

language  with the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,sergeant4
 ,besides these means of instruction1   
there  was likewise an ,english school  
constantly kept by my interpreter among 
the ,indians2 which ,i used frequently  
to visit1 in order to give the  children
 and young people some proper           
instructions1 and serious  exhortations 
suited to their age4    8,the degree of 
knowledge to which some of them attained
 was  considerable4 ,many of the truths 
of ,christianity seemed fixed in their  
minds1 especially in some instances1 so 
that they would speak to me of  them1   
and ask such questions about them as    
were necessary to render them  more     
plain and clear to their understandings4
 ,the children1 also1 and  young people1
 who attended the school1 made          
considerable proficiency 7at  least some
 of them7 in their learning2 so that had
 they understood the  ,english language 
well1 they would have been able to read 
somewhat  readily in a psalter4    8,but
 that which was most of all desirable1  

and gave me the greatest  encouragement 
amidst many difficulties and            
disconsolate hours1 was1 that  the      
truths of ,god's word seemed1 at times1 
to be attended with some  power upon the
 hearts and consciences of the ,indians4
 ,and especially  this appeared evident 
in a few individuals1 who were awakened 
to some  sense of their miserable estate
 by nature1 and appeared solicitous for 
deliverance from it4 ,several of them   
came1 of their own accord to  discourse 
with me about their soul's concerns2 and
 some1 with tears1  inquired what they  
should do to be saved80    ,the ,indians
 at ,kaunaumeek being but few in number 
and ,brainerd having  been laboring     
among them about a year1 and having     
prevailed upon them to  be willing to   
leave ,kaunaumeek1 and remove to        
,stockbridge1 to live  constantly under 
,mr4 ,sergeant's ministry2 he thought he
 might now do  more service for ,christ 
among the ,indians elsewhere3 and       
therefore went  to ,new-,jersey1 and    

laid the matter before the              
,commissioners2 who met at              
,elizabeth-,town1 on the occasion1 and  
determined that he should forthwith     
leave ,kaunaumeek1 and go to the        
,delaware ,indians4    ,by the          
invitations which ,brainerd had lately  
received1 it appears1 that  it was not  
from necessity1 or for want of          
opportunities to settle in the          
ministry1 that he determined to forsake 
all the outward comforts1 he  might thus
 have enjoyed1 to spend his life among  
savages1 and endure  the difficulties   
and self-denials of an ,indian mission4 
,he had1 just  as he was leaving        
,kaunaumeek1 had an earnest invitation  
to a settlement  at ,east-,hampton1 one 
of the pleasantest towns on             
,long-,island4 ,the people  there were  
unanimous in their desires to have him  
for their pastor1 and  for a long time  
continued in earnest pursuit of him1 and
 were hardly  brought to relinquish     
their endeavors1 and give up their hopes

 of  obtaining him4 ,besides this1 he   
had an invitation to preach with        
reference to a settlement in            
,millington1 near his native town1 and  
in  the midst of his friends4 ,nor did  
,brainerd choose the business of a      
missionary to the ,indians1 rather than 
accept of those invitations1  because he
 was unacquainted with the difficulties 
and sufferings which  attended such a   
service2 for he had had experience of   
these difficulties  in summer and       
winter2 having spent about a year in a  
lonely desert among  these savages1     
where he had gone through extreme       
hardships1 and been the  subject of a   
train of outward and inward sorrows1    
which were now fresh  in his mind4      
,after this he continued two or three   
days in ,new-,jersey1 very ill2 and     
then returned to ,new-,york2 and from   
thence into ,new-,england2 and went to  
his native town of ,haddam1 where he    
arrived on ,saturday1 ,april #ad4 ,and  
he continues still his bitter complaints

 of want of retirement4 ,while he  was  
in ,new-,york1 he says thus1 8,o it is  
not the pleasures of the world  which   
can comfort me6 ,if ,god deny his       
presence1 what are the pleasures  of the
 city to me8 ,one hour of sweet         
retirement where ,god is1 is  better    
than the whole world40    ,april        
#ag4--8;,in the evening1 at my          
brother's1 singing hymns with  friends1 
my soul seemed to melt2 and in prayer   
afterward1 enjoyed the  exercise of     
faith1 and was enabled to be fervent in 
spirit3 found more  of ,god's presence  
than ,i have done any time in my late   
wearisome  journey4 ,eternity appeared  
very near2 my nature was very weak1 and 
seemed ready to be dissolved2 the sun   
declining1 and the shadows of the       
evening drawing on apace4 ,o ,i longed  
to fill up the remaining moments  all   
for ,god6 ,though my body was so feeble1
 and wearied with preaching  and much   
private conversation1 yet ,i wanted to  
sit up all night to do  something for   

,god4 ,to ,god1 the giver of these      
refreshments1 be glory for  ever and    
ever4 ,amen4    ,april #ah4--8,was very 
weak1 and enjoyed but little spiritual  
comfort4  ,was exercised with one who   
cavilled against original sin4 ,may the 
,lord  open his eyes to see the fountain
 of sin in himself60    ,after this he  
visited several ministers in            
,connecticut2 and then  travelled       
towards ,kaunaumeek1 and came to ,mr4   
,sergeant's1 at  ,stockbridge1          
,thursday1 ,april #bf1 having performed 
the journey in a very  weak state of    
body4    ,april #bg and #bh4--8,spent   
some time in visiting friends1 and      
discoursing with my people1 7who were   
now moved down from their own  place to 
,mr4 ,sergeant's7 and found them very   
glad to see me returned4  ,was exercised
 in my mind with a sense of my own      
unworthiness4    ,lord's day1 ,april    
#bi4--8,preached for ,mr4 ,sergeant both
 parts of the  day1 from ,rev4 #ad3d4   
,enjoyed some freedom in preaching1     

though not much  spirituality4 ,in the  
evening1 my heart was in some measure   
lifted up in  thankfulness to ,god for  
any assistance4    ,april #cj4--8,rode  
to ,kaunaumeek1 but was extremely ill2  
did not enjoy  the comfort ,i hoped for 
in my own house4    ,may #a4--8;,having 
received new orders to go to a number of
 ,indians on  ,delaware river1 in       
,pennsylvania1 and my people here being 
mostly removed  to ,mr4 ,sergeant's1 ,i 
this day took all my clothes1 books1 c4 
and  disposed of them1 and set out for  
,delaware river2 but made it my way to  
return to ,mr4 ,sergeant's1 which ,i did
 this day1 just at night4 ,rode  several
 hours in the rain through the howling  
wilderness1 although ,i was  so         
disordered in body1 that little or      
nothing but blood came from me4    ,may 
#h4--8,travelled about forty-five miles 
to a place called ,fishkill2  and lodged
 there4 ,spent much of my time1 while   
riding1 in prayer that  ,god would go   
with me to the ,delaware4 ,my heart     

sometimes was ready to  sink with the   
thoughts of my work1 and going alone in 
the wilderness1 ,i  knew not where2 but 
still it was comfortable to think that  
others of  ,god's children had          
#8wandered about in dens and caves of   
the earth2' and  ,abraham1 when he was  
called to go forth1 #8went out not      
knowing whither  he went4' ,o that ,i   
might follow after ,god60    ,the next  
day he went forward on his journey2     
crossed the ,hudson1 and  went to       
,goshen in the ,highlands2 and so       
traveled across the woods1 from  the    
,hudson to the ,delaware1 about a       
hundred miles1 through a desolate  and  
hideous country1 above ,new-,jersey1    
where were very few settlements2  in    
which journey he suffered much fatigue  
and hardship4 ,he visited some  ,indians
 in the way1 at a place called          
,miunissinks1 and discoursed with  them 
concerning ,christianity4 ,was          
considerably melancholy and             
disconsolate1 being alone in a strange  

wilderness4 ,on ,saturday1 ,may #ab1  he
 came to a settlement of ,irish and     
,dutch people1 and proceeding about     
twelve miles further arrived at         
,sakhauwotung1 an ,indian settlement    
within the ,forks of the ,delaware4     
,lord's day1 ,may #ac4--8,rose early2   
felt very poorly after my long  journey1
 and after being wet and fatigued4 ,was 
very melancholy2 have  scarcely ever    
seen such a gloomy morning in my life2  
there appeared to  be no ,sabbath2 the  
children were all at play2 ,i1 a        
stranger in the  wilderness1 and knew   
not where to go2 and all circumstances  
seemed to  conspire to render my affairs
 dark and discouraging4 ,was            
disappointed  respecting an             
,interpreter1 and heard that the        
,indians were much  scattered4 ,o1 ,i   
mourned after the presence of ,god1 and 
seemed like a  creature banished from   
his sight6 yet he was pleased to support
 my  sinking soul amidst all my sorrows2
 so that ,i never entertained any       

thought of quitting my business among   
the poor ,indians2 but was  comforted to
 think that death would ere long set me 
free from these  distresses4 ,rode about
 three or four miles to the ,irish      
people1 where ,i  found some that       
appeared sober and concerned about      
religion4 ,my heart  then began to be a 
little encouraged3 went and preached    
first to the  ,irish and then to the    
,indians2 and in the evening was a      
little  comforted3 my soul seemed to    
rest on ,god1 and take courage4         
,lord's day1 ,may #bj4--8,preached twice
 to the poor ,indians2 and enjoyed  some
 freedom in speaking1 while ,i attempted
 to remove their prejudices  against    
,christianity4 ,my soul longed          
continually for assistance from  above2 
for ,i saw ,i had no strength sufficient
 for that work4 ,afterward  preached to 
the ,irish people2 was much assisted in 
the first prayer1 and  somewhat in the  
sermon4 ,several persons seemed much    
concerned for their  souls1 with whom ,i

 discoursed afterward with much freedom 
and some  power4 ,blessed be ,god for   
any assistance afforded to an unworthy  
worm4 ,o  that ,i could live to him6    
,lord's day1 ,may #bg4--8,visited my    
,indians in the morning1 and attended   
upon a funeral among them2 was affected 
to see their heathenish  practices4 ,o  
that they might be #8turned from        
darkness to light6'  ,afterward got a   
considerable number of them together1   
and preached to  them2 and observed them
 very attentive4 ,after this preached to
 the white  people from ,heb4 #b3c4     
#8,how shall we escape if we neglect so 
great  salvation8' ,was enabled to speak
 with some freedom and power3 several   
people seemed much concerned for their  
souls2 especially one who had  been     
educated a ,roman ,catholic4 ,blessed be
 the ,lord for any help4    ,may        
#bh4--8,set out from the ,indians above 
the ,forks of the ,delaware1 on  a      
journey toward ,newark1 in ,new-,jersey1
 according to my orders4 ,rode  through 

the wilderness2 was much fatigued with  
the heat2 lodged at a  place called     
,black ,river2 was exceedingly tired and
 worn out4    ,lord's day1 ,june        
#aj4--8;,at ,newark4 ,in the morning was
 much concerned  how ,i should perform  
the work of the day3 and trembled at the
 thoughts  of being left to myself4     
,enjoyed very considerable assistance in
 all  parts of the public service4 ,had 
an opportunity again to attend on the   
ordinance of the ,lord's ,supper1 and   
through divine goodness was  refreshed  
in it3 my soul was full of love and     
tenderness toward the  children of ,god1
 and toward all men4 ,at night ,i       
enjoyed more  spirituality and sweet    
desire of holiness1 than ,i have felt   
for some  time3 was afraid of every     
thought and every motion1 lest thereby  
my  heart should be drawn away from     
,god4 ,o that ,i might never leave the  
blessed ,god6 #8,lord1 in thy presence  
is fulness of joy4' ,o the  blessedness 
of living to ,god6    ,june #aa4--8,this

 day the ,presbytery met at ,newark1 in 
order to my  ordination4 ,was very weak 
and disordered in body2 yet endeavored  
to  repose my confidence in ,god4 ,spent
 most of the day alone2 especially the  
forenoon4 ,at three in the afternoon    
preached my probation sermon from       
,acts1 #bf3ag1 #ah1 being a text given  
me for that purpose4 ,felt not well     
either in body or mind3 however1 ,god   
carried me through comfortably4         
,afterward passed an examination before 
the ,presbytery4 ,was much tired1  and  
my mind burdened with the greatness of  
that charge ,i was in the most  solemn  
manner about to take upon me3 my mind   
was so pressed with the  weight of the  
work incumbent upon me1 that ,i could   
not sleep this night1  though very weary
 and in great need of rest4    ,june    
#ab4--8,was this morning further        
examined respecting my  experimental    
acquaintance with ,christianity4 ,at #aj
 o'clock my  ordination was attended2   
the sermon preached by the ,rev4 ,mr4   

,pemberton4 ,at this time ,i was        
affected with a sense of the important  
trust committed to me2 yet was composed 
and solemn without distraction2  and ,i 
hope that then1 as many times before1 ,i
 gave myself up to ,god1 to  be for him1
 and not for another4 ,o that ,i might  
always be engaged in  the service of    
,god1 and duly remember the solemn      
charge ,i have received  in the presence
 of ,god1 angels1 and men4 ,amen40      
,,chapter ,,vi4    ,labors for the      
,indians at and near the ,forks of      
,delaware--idolatrous      feast and    
dance--journey through the wilderness to
 ,opeholhaupung or      the             
,susquehanna--erects a cottage at ,forks
 of the ,delaware--some      evidences  
of a work of the ,spirit among the      
,indians--journey to      ,new-,england 
to obtain money to support a            
colleague--visit to the      ,indians on
 the ,susquehanna--journey to           
,crossweeksung in ,new-,jersey4         
,june #ac1 #agdd4--;,june #ah1 #agde4   

,june #ac1 #agdd4 ,at ,elizabeth        
,town4--8,spent considerable time in    
writing an account of the ,indian       
affairs1 to be sent to ,scotland2 some1 
in conversation with friends2 but had   
not much spiritual enjoyment40    ,on   
,tuesday1 ,june #ai1 he set out on his  
journey1 and in three days  reached his 
residence near the ,forks of ,delaware4 
,performed the journey  under much      
weakness of body1 but had comfort in his
 soul1 from day to  day4    ,lord's day1
 ,june #bd4--8;,extremely feeble2       
scarcely able to walk3 however  visited 
my ,indians1 and took much pains to     
instruct them2 labored with  some that  
were much disaffected toward            
,christianity4 ,my mind was much        
burdened with the weight and difficulty 
of my work4 ,my whole dependence  and   
hope of success seemed to be on ,god2   
who alone ,i saw could make them        
willing to receive instruction4 ,my     
heart was much engaged in prayer1       
sending up silent requests to ,god1 even

 while ,i was speaking to them4 ,o  that
 ,i could always go in the strength of  
the ,lord6    ,june #be4--8,was somewhat
 better in health than of late2 and was 
able to  spend a considerable part of   
the day in prayer and close study4 ,had 
more  freedom and fervency in prayer    
than usual of late2 especially longed   
for  the presence of ,god in my work1   
and that the poor ,heathen might be     
converted4 ,and in evening prayer my    
faith and hope in ,god were much        
raised4 ,to an eye of reason every thing
 that respects the conversion of  the   
,heathen is as dark as midnight2 and yet
 ,i cannot but hope in ,god  for the    
accomplishment of something glorious    
among them4 ,my soul longed  much for   
the advancement of the ,redeemer's      
kingdom on earth4 ,was very  fearful    
lest ,i should admit some vain thought1 
and so lose the sense ,i  then had of   
divine things4 ,o for an abiding        
heavenly temper6    ,june #bf4--8;,in   
the morning1 my desires seemed to rise1 

and ascend up  freely to ,god4 ,was busy
 most of the day in translating prayers 
into  the language of the ,delaware     
,indians2 met with great difficulty1    
because  my interpreter was altogether  
unacquainted with the business4 ,but    
though  ,i was much discouraged with the
 extreme difficulty of that work1 yet   
,god  supported me2 and especially in   
the evening1 gave me sweet refreshment4 
,in prayer my soul was enlarged1 and my 
faith drawn into sensible  exercise2 was
 enabled to cry to ,god for my poor     
,indians2 and though the  work of their 
conversion appeared impossible with man1
 yet with ,god  ,i saw all things were  
possible4 ,my faith was much            
strengthened1 by  observing the         
wonderful assistance ,god afforded his  
servants ,nehemiah  and ,ezra1 in       
reforming his people and re-establishing
 his ancient  church4 ,i was much       
assisted in prayer for my dear          
,christian friends1 and  for others whom
 ,i apprehended to be ,christless2 but  

was more especially  concerned for the  
poor heathen1 and those of my own       
charge2 was enabled  to be instant in   
prayer for them2 and hoped that ,god    
would bow the  heavens and come down for
 their salvation4 ,it seemed to me that 
there  could be no impediment sufficient
 to obstruct that glorious work1 seeing 
the living ,god1 as ,i strongly hoped1  
was engaged for it4 ,i continued in  a  
solemn frame1 lifting up my heart to    
,god for assistance and grace1  that ,i 
might be more mortified to this present 
world1 that my whole soul  might be     
taken up continually in concern for the 
advancement of ,christ's  kingdom4      
,earnestly desired that ,god would purge
 me more1 that ,i might be  as a chosen 
vessel to bear his name among the       
,heathen4    ,june #bh4--8,spent the    
morning in reading several parts of the 
holy  scripture1 and in fervent prayer  
for my ,indians1 that ,god would set up 
his kingdom among them1 and bring them  
into his church4 ,about nine ,i         

withdrew to my usual place of retirement
 in the woods1 and there again  enjoyed 
some assistance in prayer4 ,my great    
concern was for the  conversion of the  
heathen to ,god2 and the ,lord helped me
 to plead with  him for it4 ,toward noon
 rode up to the ,indians in order to    
preach to  them2 and while going my     
heart went up to ,god in prayer for     
them2 could  freely tell ,god he knew   
that the cause in which ,i was engaged  
was not  mine2 but that it was his own  
cause1 and that it would be for his own 
glory to convert the poor ,indians3 and 
blessed be ,god ,i felt no desire  of   
their conversion that ,i might receive  
honor from the world as being  the      
instrument of it4 ,had some freedom in  
speaking to the ,indians4    ,june      
#cj4--8,my soul was very solemn in      
reading ,god's word1 especially  the    
ninth chapter of ,daniel4 ,i saw how    
,god had called out his servants  to    
prayer1 and made them wrestle with him1 
when he designed to bestow  any great   

mercy on his church4 ,and1 alas6 ,i was 
ashamed of myself to  think of my       
dullness and inactivity when there      
seemed to be so much to  do for the     
upbuilding of ,zion4 ,o how does ,zion  
lie waste6 ,i longed that  the church of
 ,god might be enlarged2 was enabled to 
pray1 ,i think1 in  faith2 my soul      
seemed sensibly to confide in ,god1 and 
was enabled to  wrestle with him4       
,afterward walked abroad to a place of  
sweet  retirement2 enjoyed some         
assistance in prayer1 had a sense of my 
great  need of divine help1 and felt my 
soul sensibly depend on ,god4 ,blessed  
be  ,god1 this has been a comfortable   
week to me4    ,lord's day1 ,july       
#a4--8;,after ,i came to them my mind   
was confused1 and ,i  felt nothing      
sensibly of that sweet reliance on ,god 
with which my soul  has been comforted  
in days past4 ,spent the forenoon in    
this posture of  mind1 and preached to  
the ,indians without any heart4 ,in the 
afternoon ,i  felt still barren when ,i 

began to preach1 and for about half an  
hour3 ,i  seemed to myself to know      
nothing1 and to have nothing to say to  
the  ,indians2 but soon after ,i found  
in myself a spirit of love1 and warmth1 
and power1 to address the poor ,indians1
 and ,god helped me to plead with  them1
 to #8turn from all the vanities of the 
heathen to the living ,god2'  ,i am     
persuaded that the ,lord touched their  
consciences2 for ,i never saw  such     
attention raised in them4 ,when ,i came 
away from them1 ,i spent the  whole time
 ,i was riding to my lodgings1 three    
miles distant1 in prayer  and praise to 
,god4 ,after ,i had rode more than two  
miles it came into my  mind to dedicate 
myself to ,god again1 which ,i did with 
great solemnity  and unspeakable        
satisfaction2 especially gave up myself 
to him renewedly  in the work of the    
ministry4 ,this ,i did by divine grace1 
,i hope1 without  any exception or      
reserve2 not in the least shrinking back
 from any  difficulties that might      

attend this great and blessed work4 ,i  
seemed to  be most free1 cheerful1 and  
full in this dedication of myself4 ,my  
whole  soul cried1 #8,lord1 to thee ,i  
dedicate myself6 ,o accept of me1 and   
let me  be thine for ever4 ,lord1 ,i    
desire nothing else2 ,i desire nothing  
more4 ,o  come1 come1 ,lord1 accept a   
poor worm4 ,my heart rejoiced in my     
particular  work as a missionary2       
rejoiced in my necessity of self-denial 
in many  respects1 and ,i still         
continued to give up myself to ,god1 and
 to implore  mercy of him1 praying      
incessantly every moment with sweet     
fervency4 ,my  nature being very weak of
 late1 and much spent1 was now          
considerably  overcome3 my fingers grew 
very feeble1 and somewhat numb1 so that 
,i  could scarcely stretch them out     
straight1 and when ,i lighted from my   
horse could hardly walk2 my joints      
seemed all to be loosed4 ,but ,i felt   
abundant strength in the inner man4     
,preached to the white people2 ,god     

helped me much1 especially in prayer4   
,sundry of my poor ,indians were so     
moved as to come to meeting also1 and   
one appeared much concerned4    ,july   
#c4--8,was still very weak4 ,this       
morning was enabled to pray under a     
feeling sense of my need of help from   
,god1 and ,i trust had some faith in    
exercise2 and1 blessed be ,god1 was     
enabled to plead with him a             
considerable time4 ,truly ,god is good  
to me4 ,but my soul mourned1 and was    
grieved at my sinfulness and barrenness1
 and longed to be more engaged  for     
,god4 ,near nine1 withdrew again for    
prayer1 and through divine  goodness had
 the blessed spirit of prayer2 my soul  
loved the duty1 and  longed for ,god in 
it4 ,o it is sweet to be the ,lord's1 to
 be sensibly  devoted to him6 ,what a   
blessed portion is ,god6 ,how glorious1 
how lovely  in himself6 ,o my soul      
longed to improve time wholly for ,god6 
,spent most  of the day in translating  
prayers into ,indian4 ,in the evening   

was  enabled again to wrestle with ,god 
in prayer with fervency4 ,was enabled   
to maintain a self-diffident and        
watchful frame of spirit1 and was       
jealous1 and afraid lest ,i should admit
 carelessness and  self-confidence4     
,july #f4--8;,awoke this morning in the 
fear of ,god1 and spent my first  waking
 minutes in prayer for sanctification1  
that my soul may be washed  from its    
exceeding pollution and defilement4     
,after ,i arose ,i spent some  time in  
reading ,god's word1 and in prayer4 ,i  
cried to ,god under a sense  of my great
 indigence4 ,i am of late most of all   
concerned for  ministerial              
qualifications1 and the conversion of   
the heathen4 ,last year  ,i longed to be
 prepared for a world of glory1 and     
speedily to depart out  of this world2  
but of late all my concern almost is for
 the conversion  of the heathen1 and for
 that end ,i long to live4 ,but blessed 
be ,god ,i  have less desire to live for
 any of the pleasures of the world than 

,i  ever had4 ,i long and love to be a  
pilgrim1 and want grace to imitate the  
life1 labors and sufferings of ,st4     
,paul among the heathen4 ,and when ,i   
long for holiness now1 it is not so much
 for myself as formerly1 but  rather    
thereby ,i may become an #8able minister
 of the ,new ,testament1'  especially to
 the heathen4    ,july #g4--8,was very  
much disordered this morning1 and my    
vigor all spent  and exhausted2 but was 
affected and refreshed in reading the   
sweet story  of ,elijah's translation1  
and enjoyed some affection and fervency 
in  prayer2 longed much for ministerial 
gifts and graces1 that ,i might do      
something in the cause of ,god4         
,afterward was refreshed and invigorated
  while reading ,,alleine',s first ,case
 of ,conscience1 c4--was enabled then   
to pray with some ardor of soul--was    
afraid of carelessness and              
self-confidence1 and longed for         
holiness4    ,lord's day1 ,july         
#h4--8,was ill last night--not able to  

rest quietly4 ,had  some small degree of
 assistance in preaching to the         
,indians1 and  afterward was enabled to 
preach to the white people with some    
power1  especially in the close of my   
discourse1 from ,jer4 #c3bc4 #8,truly in
 vain  is salvation hoped for from the  
hills1' c4 ,the ,lord also assisted me  
in  some measure in the first prayer2   
blessed be his name4 ,near night1       
though very weary1 was enabled to read  
,god's word with some sweet relish  of  
it1 and to pray with affection1         
fervency1 and ,i trust with faith2 my   
soul was more sensibly dependant on ,god
 than usual4 ,was watchful1  tender1 and
 jealous of my own heart1 lest ,i should
 admit carelessness  and vain thoughts1 
and grieve the blessed ,spirit1 so that 
he should  withdraw his sweet1 kind1 and
 tender influences4 ,longed to #8depart1
 and  be with ,christ1' more than at any
 time of late4 ,my soul was exceedingly 
united to the saints of ancient times1  
as well as those now living2  especially

 my soul melted for the society of      
,elijah and ,elisha4 ,was  enabled to   
cry to ,god with a child-like spirit1   
and to continue instant  in prayer for  
some time4 ,was much enlarged in the    
sweet duty of  intercession2 was enabled
 to remember great numbers of dear      
friends1 and  precious souls1 as well as
 ,christ's ministers4 ,continued in this
 frame1  afraid of every idle thought1  
till ,i dropped asleep4    ,july        
#ba4--8,this morning ,i was greatly     
oppressed with guilt and shame  from a  
sense of inward vileness and pollution4 
,about nine withdrew to  the woods for  
prayer1 but had not much comfort2 ,i    
appeared to myself the  vilest1 meanest 
creature upon earth1 and could scarcely 
live with  myself2 so mean and vile ,i  
appeared1 that ,i thought ,i should     
never be  able to hold up my face in    
heaven1 if ,god1 of his infinite grace1 
should  bring me thither4 ,toward night 
my burden respecting my work among the  
,indians began to increase much1 and was

 aggravated by hearing sundry  things   
which looked very discouraging1 in      
particular that they intended  to meet  
together the next day for an idolatrous 
feast and dance4 ,then ,i  began to be  
in anguish2 ,i thought that ,i must in  
conscience go and  endeavor to break    
them up1 yet knew not how to attempt    
such a thing4  ,however1 ,i withdrew for
 prayer1 hoping for strength from above4
 ,in  prayer ,i was exceedingly         
enlarged1 and my soul was as much drawn 
out as  ,i ever remember it to have been
 in my life4 ,i was in such anguish1 and
  pleaded with such earnestness and     
importunity1 that when ,i rose from my  
knees ,i felt extremely weak and        
overcome2 ,i could scarcely walk        
straight2 my joints were loosed2 the    
sweat ran down my face and body1  and   
nature seemed as if it would dissolve4  
,so far as ,i could judge1 ,i  was      
wholly free from selfish ends in my     
fervent supplications for the  poor     
,indians4 ,i knew that they were met    

together to worship devils1 and  not    
,god2 and this made me cry earnestly    
that ,god would now appear and  help me 
in my attempts to break up this         
idolatrous meeting4 ,my soul  pleaded   
long1 and ,i thought that ,god would    
hear1 and would go with me to  vindicate
 his own cause3 ,i seemed to confide in 
,god for his presence and  assistance4  
,and thus ,i spent the evening1 praying 
incessantly for divine  assistance1 and 
that ,i might not be self-dependent1 but
 still have my  whole dependance upon   
,god4 ,what ,i passed through was       
remarkable1 and  indeed inexpressible4  
,all things here below vanished1 and    
there appeared  to be nothing of any    
considerable importance to me1 but      
holiness of  heart and life1 and the    
conversion of the heathen to ,god4 ,all 
my cares1  fears and desires1 which     
might be said to be of a worldly nature1
  disappeared1 and were1 in my esteem1  
of little more importance than a  puff  
of wind4 ,i exceedingly longed that ,god

 would get to himself a name  among the 
heathen2 and ,i appealed to him with the
 greatest freedom1 that  he knew ,i     
#8preferred him above my chief joy4'    
,indeed1 ,i had no notion of  joy from  
this world2 ,i cared not where or how ,i
 lived1 or what hardships  ,i went      
through1 so that ,i could but gain souls
 to ,christ4 ,i continued in  this frame
 all the evening and night4 ,while ,i   
was asleep ,i dreamed of  these things2 
and when ,i waked1 7as ,i frequently    
did17 the first thing ,i  thought of was
 this great work of pleading for ,god   
against ,satan4    ,lord's day1 ,july   
#bb4--8,when ,i waked my soul was       
burdened with what  seemed to be before 
me4 ,i cried to ,god1 before ,i could   
get out of my  bed2 and as soon as ,i   
was dressed ,i withdrew into the woods1 
to pour out  my burdened soul to ,god1  
especially for assistance in my great   
work2 for  ,i could scarcely think of   
any thing else4 ,i enjoyed the same     
freedom and  fervency as the last       

evening2 and did with unspeakable       
freedom give up  myself afresh to ,god1 
for life or death1 for all hardships to 
which he  should call me1 among the     
heathen2 and felt as if nothing could   
discourage me from this blessed work4 ,i
 had a strong hope that ,god would      
#8bow the heavens and come down1' and do
 some marvellous work among the         
heathen4 ,while ,i was riding to the    
,indians1 three miles1 my heart was     
continually going up to ,god for his    
presence and assistance2 and hoping1    
and almost expecting1 that ,god would   
make this the day of his power and      
grace amongst the poor ,indians4 ,when  
,i came to them1 ,i found them  engaged 
in their frolic2 but through divine     
goodness ,i persuaded them to  desist   
and attend to my preaching3 yet still   
there appeared nothing of  the special  
power of ,god among them4 ,preached     
again to them in the  afternoon1 and    
observed the ,indians were more sober   
than before2 but  still saw nothing     

special among them4 ,hence satan took   
occasion to tempt  and buffet me with   
these cursed suggestions1 ,there is no  
,god1 or if  there be1 he is not able to
 convert the ,indians1 before they have 
more  knowledge1 c4 ,i was very weak and
 weary1 and my soul borne down with     
perplexity2 but was mortified to all the
 world1 and was determined still  to    
wait upon ,god for the conversion of the
 heathen1 though the devil  tempted me  
to the contrary4    ,july #bd4--8,rode  
about seventeen miles westward1 over a  
hideous  mountain1 to a number of       
,indians4 ,got together near thirty of  
them3  preached to them in the evening1 
and lodged among them4 ,was weak1 and   
felt in some degree disconsolate2 yet   
could have no freedom in the  thought of
 any other circumstances or business in 
life4 ,all my desire  was the conversion
 of the heathen2 and all my hope was in 
,god4 ,god does  not suffer me to please
 or comfort myself with hopes of seeing 
friends1  returning to my dear          

acquaintance1 and enjoying worldly      
comforts4    ,lord's day1 ,august       
#e4--8,though very weak1 ,i visited and 
preached to the  poor ,indians twice1   
and was strengthened vastly beyond my   
expectations4  ,indeed the ,lord gave me
 some freedom and fervency in addressing
 them2  though ,i had not strength      
enough to stand1 but was obliged to sit 
down  the whole time4 ,toward night was 
extremely weak1 faint1 sick1 and full   
of pain4 ,i seem to myself like a man   
that has all his estate embarked in  one
 small boat1 unhappily going adrift down
 a swift torrent4 ,the poor  owner      
stands on the shore1 and looks1 and     
laments his loss4 ,but1 alas6  though my
 all seems to be adrift1 and ,i stand   
and see it1 ,i dare not  lament2 for    
this sinks my spirits more1 and         
aggravates my bodily  disorders6 ,i am  
forced1 therefore1 to divert myself with
 trifles2  although at the same time ,i 
am afraid1 and often feel as if ,i was  
guilty  of the misimprovement of time4  

,and oftentimes my conscience is so     
exercised with this miserable way of    
spending time1 that ,i have no  peace2  
though ,i have no strength of mind or   
body to improve it to better  purpose4  
,o that ,god would pity my distressed   
state60    ,the next three weeks his    
illness was less severe2 and he was in  
some  degree capable of business1 both  
public and private1 though he had some  
turns wherein his indisposition         
prevailed to a great degree4 ,he had    
generally also much more inward         
assistance and strength of mind4 ,he    
often expresses great longings for the  
enlargement of ,christ's kingdom1       
especially by the conversion of the     
heathen to ,god2 and speaks of this     
hope as all his delight and joy4 ,he    
continues still to express his usual    
desires after holiness1 living to ,god1 
and a sense of his own  unworthiness4   
,he several times speaks of his         
appearing to himself the  vilest        
creature on earth2 and once says1 that  

he verily thought there  were none of   
,god's children who fell so far short of
 that holiness1 and  perfection in their
 obedience1 which ,god requires1 as he4 
,he speaks of  his feeling more dead    
than ever to the enjoyments of the      
world4 ,he  sometimes mentions the      
special assistance which he had at this 
time1 in  preaching to the ,indians1 and
 the appearances of religious concern   
among  them4 ,he speaks also of         
assistance in prayer for absent friends1
 and  especially ministers and          
candidates for the ministry2 and of much
  comfort which he enjoyed in the       
company of some ministers who came to   
visit him4    ,sept4 #a4--8,was so far  
strengthened1 after a season of great   
weakness1  that ,i was able to spend two
 or three hours in writing on a divine  
subject4 ,enjoyed some comfort and      
sweetness in things divine and sacred2  
and as my bodily strength was in some   
measure restored1 so my soul  seemed to 
be somewhat vigorous1 and engaged in the

 things of ,god4    ,lord's day1 ,sept4 
#b4--8,was enabled to speak to my poor  
,indians with  much concern and         
fervency2 and ,i am persuaded that ,god 
enabled me to  exercise faith in him1   
while ,i was speaking to them4 ,i       
perceived that  some of them were afraid
 to hearken to and embrace              
,christianity1 lest  they should be     
enchanted and poisoned by some of the   
powaws3 but ,i was  enabled to plead    
with them not to fear these2 and1       
confiding in ,god for  safety and       
deliverance1 ,i bid a challenge to all  
these powers of  darkness1 to do their  
worst on me first4 ,i told my people    
that ,i was  a ,christian1 and asked    
them why the powaws did not bewitch and 
poison  me4 ,i scarcely ever felt more  
sensible of my own unworthiness1 than in
  this action4 ,i saw that the honor of 
,god was concerned2 and desired to  be  
preserved--not from selfish views--but  
for a testimony of the divine  power and
 goodness1 and of the truth of          

,christianity1 and that ,god might  be  
glorified4 ,afterward1 ,i found my soul 
rejoice in ,god for his  assisting      
grace40    ,after this1 he went a       
journey into ,new-,england1 and was     
absent from the  place of his abode1 at 
the ,forks of ,delaware1 about three    
weeks4 ,he was  in a feeble state the   
greater part of the time4 ,but in the   
latter of the  journey he found that he 
gained much in health and strength4     
,sept4 #bf4--8,rode home to the ,forks  
of ,delaware4 ,what reason have ,i to   
bless ,god1 who has preserved me in     
riding more than four hundred and       
twenty miles1 and has #8kept all my     
bones1 that not one of them has been    
broken6' ,my health likewise is greatly 
recovered4 ,o that ,i could  dedicate my
 all to ,god6 ,this is all the return ,i
 can make to him40    ,when he began to 
preach here1 he had not more than from  
twenty to  twenty-five hearers2 their   
numbers at length increased to forty1 or
  more2 and often most belonging to     

those parts came together to hear him   
preach4 ,in a letter to ,rev4 ,mr4      
,pemberton1 he says 8,the effects which 
the truths of ,god's word have had upon 
some of the ,indians in this  place1 are
 somewhat encouraging4 ,a number of them
 are brought to  renounce idolatry1 and 
to decline partaking of those feasts    
which they  used to offer in sacrifice  
to certain supposed unknown powers4 ,and
 some  few among them have1 for a       
considerable time1 manifested a serious 
concern for their soul's eternal        
welfare1 and still continue to #8inquire
  the way to ,zion1' with such          
diligence1 affection1 and becoming      
solicitude1 as gives me reason to hope  
that #8,god who1 ,i trust1 has begun    
this work in them1' will carry it on1   
until it shall issue in their  saving   
conversion to himself4 ,these not only  
detest their old idolatrous  notions1   
but strive also to bring their friends  
off from them4 ,and as  they are seeking
 salvation for their own souls1 so they 

seem desirous1  and some of them take   
pains1 that others might be excited to  
do the  same4    8,there are also many  
difficulties1 that attend the           
christianizing of  these poor pagans4   
8,in the first place1 their minds are   
filled with prejudices against          
,christianity1 on account of the vicious
 lives and unchristian  behavior of some
 that are called ,christians4 ,these not
 only set before  them the worst        
examples1 but some of them take pains1  
expressly in  words1 to dissuade them   
from becoming ,christians1 foreseeing   
that if  these should be converted to   
,god1 #8the hope of their unlawful gain'
  would thereby be lost4    8,again3    
these poor heathens are extremely       
attached to the customs1  traditions1   
and fabulous notions of their fathers4  
,and this one seems  to be the          
foundation of all their other notions1  
viz4 that #8it was not  the same ,god   
made them1 who made the white people1'  
but another1 who  commanded them to live

 by hunting1 c41 and not to conform to  
the  customs of the white people4       
,hence1 when they are desired to become 
,christians1 they frequently reply1 that
 #8they will live as their fathers      
lived1 and go to their fathers when they
 die4' ,and if the miracles of  ,christ 
and his apostles be mentioned to prove  
the truth of ,christianity1  they also  
mention sundry miracles which their     
fathers have told them  were anciently  
wrought among the ,indians1 and which   
satan makes them  believe were so4 ,they
 are much attached to idolatry1         
frequently making  feasts1 which they   
eat in honor to some unknown beings1    
who1 they  suppose1 speak to them in    
dreams2 promising them success in       
hunting1  and other affairs1 in case    
they will sacrifice to them4 ,they      
oftentimes  also offer their sacrifices 
to the spirits of the dead1 who1 they   
suppose1 stand in need of favors from   
the living1 and yet are in such a  state
 as that they can well reward all the   

offices of kindness that are  shown     
them4 ,and they impute all their        
calamities to the neglect of these      
sacrifices4    8,furthermore1 they are  
much awed by those among themselves who 
are  called powaws1 who are supposed to 
have a power of enchanting1 or          
poisoning them to death1 or at least in 
a very distressing manner4 ,and  they   
apprehended it would be their sad fate  
to be thus enchanted in case  they      
should become ,christians4    8,the     
manner of their living is likewise a    
great disadvantage to the  design of    
their being christianized4 ,they are    
almost continually roving  from place to
 place1 and it is but rare that an      
opportunity can be had  with some of    
them for their instruction40    ,oct4   
#a4--8,was engaged in making            
preparations for my intended journey to 
the ,susquehanna4 ,withdrew several     
times to the woods for secret duties1   
and endeavored to plead for the divine  
presence to go with me to the  poor     

,pagans1 to whom ,i was going to preach 
the ,gospel4 ,toward night rode  about  
four miles1 and met brother ,byram1 who 
was come at my desire to be  my         
companion in travel to the ,indians4 ,i 
rejoiced to see him1 and ,i  trust ,god 
made his conversation profitable to me4 
,i saw him1 as ,i  thought1 more dead to
 the world1 its anxious cares and       
alluring objects1  than ,i was2 and this
 made me look within myself1 and gave me
 a greater  sense of my guilt1          
ingratitude1 and misery4    ,oct4       
#b4--8,set out on my journey in company 
with dear brother ,byram and  my        
interpreter1 and two chief ,indians from
 the ,forks of ,delaware4  ,traveled    
about twenty-five miles1 and lodged in  
one of the last houses  on our road2    
after which there was nothing but a     
hideous and howling  wilderness4        
,oct4 #c4--8,we went on our way into the
 wilderness1 and found the most         
difficult and dangerous traveling by    
far1 that ever any of us had seen4  ,we 

had scarce any thing else but lofty     
mountains1 deep valleys1 and  hideous   
rocks1 to make our way through4         
,however1 ,i had some spiritual         
enjoyment part of the day1 and my mind  
intensely engaged in meditation  on a   
divine subject4 ,near night my horse    
hung one of her legs in the  rocks and  
fell down under me1 but through divine  
goodness ,i was not  hurt4 ,however1 she
 broke her leg2 and being in such a     
hideous place1 and  near thirty miles   
from any house1 ,i saw nothing that     
could be done to  preserve her life1 and
 so was obliged to kill her1 and to     
prosecute my  journey on foot4 ,this    
accident made me admire the divine      
goodness to me  that my bones were not  
broken1 and the multitude of them filled
 with  strong pain4 ,just at dark we    
kindled a fire1 cut up a few bushes1 and
  made a shelter over our heads to save 
us from the frost1 which was very  hard 
that night1 and committing ourselves to 
,god by prayer1 we lay down  on the     

ground and slept quietly40    ,the next 
day they went forward on their journey1 
and at night took up  their lodgings in 
the woods in like manner4    ,oct4      
#e4--8,we reached the ,susquehanna river
 at a place called  ,opeholhaupung1 and 
found there twelve ,indian houses4      
,after ,i had  saluted the king in a    
friendly manner ,i told him my business1
 and that  my desire was to teach them  
,christianity4 ,after some consultation 
the  ,indians gathered1 and ,i preached 
to them4 ,and when ,i had done ,i asked 
if  they would hear me again4 ,they     
replied that they would consider of it1 
and soon after sent me word that they   
would immediately attend if ,i  would   
preach1 which ,i did with freedom1 both 
times4 ,when ,i asked them  again1      
whether they would hear me further1 they
 replied1 they would the  next day4 ,i  
was exceeding sensible of the           
impossibility of doing any  thing for   
the poor ,heathen without special       
assistance from above2 and my  soul     

seemed to rest on ,god1 and leave it to 
him to do as he pleased in  that which  
,i saw was his own cause4 ,indeed1      
through divine goodness1 ,i  had felt   
somewhat of this frame most of the time 
while ,i was traveling  thither2 and in 
some measure before ,i set out4    ,oct4
 #f4--8,rose early and besought the     
,lord for help in my great work4  ,near 
noon1 preached again to the ,indians2   
and in the afternoon visited  them from 
house to house1 and invited them to come
 and hear me again the  next day1 and   
put off their hunting design which they 
were just entering  upon1 till ,monday  
#8,this night' ,i trust1 #8the ,lord    
stood by me1' to  encourage and         
strengthen my soul3 ,i spent more than  
an hour in secret  retirement2 was      
enabled to #8pour out my heart before   
,god1' for the  increase of grace in my 
soul1 for ministerial endowments1 for   
success  among the poor ,indians1 for   
,god's ministers and people1 for distant
 dear  friends1 c4 ,blessed be ,god6    

,oct4 #h4--8,visited the ,indians with a
 design to take my leave of them1       
supposing they would this morning go out
 to hunting early2 but beyond my        
expectation and hope1 they desired to   
hear me preach again4 ,i gladly         
complied with their request1 and        
afterward endeavored to answer their    
objections against ,christianity4       
,oct4 #i4--8,we rose about four in the  
morning1 and commending ourselves  to   
,god by prayer1 and asking his special  
protection1 set out on our  journey     
homeward about five1 and traveled with  
great steadiness till  past six at      
night2 and then made us a fire and a    
shelter of bark1 and so  rested4 ,i had 
some clear and comfortable thoughts on a
 divine subject1  by the way1 toward    
night4 ,in the night1 the wolves howled 
around us2 but  ,god preserved us40     
,the next day they rose early1 and at   
night came to an ,irish settlement1     
with which ,brainerd was acquainted1 and
 lodged there4 ,on the following  day   

both he and ,mr4 ,byram preached to the 
people4    ,oct4 #ab4--8,rode home to my
 lodgings2 where ,i poured out my soul  
to ,god  in secret prayer1 and          
endeavored to bless him for his abundant
 goodness  to me in my late journey4 ,i 
scarcely ever enjoyed more health1 at   
least  of later years2 and ,god         
marvellously and almost miraculously1   
supported  me under the fatigues of the 
way1 and traveling on foot4 ,blessed be 
the  ,lord1 who continually preserves   
me4    ,lord's day1 ,oct4 #ad4--8;,i    
went to the place of public worship1    
lifting  up my heart to ,god for        
assistance and grace1 in my great work2 
and ,god  was gracious to me2 helping me
 to plead with him for holiness1 and to 
use the strongest arguments with him1   
drawn from the incarnation and          
sufferings of ,christ1 for this very    
end1 that men might be made holy4       
,afterward1 ,i was much assisted in     
preaching4 ,i know not that ever ,god   
helped me to preach in a more close and 

distinguishing manner for the  trial of 
men's state4 ,through the infinite      
goodness of ,god1 ,i felt what  ,i      
spoke2 and he enabled me to treat on    
divine truth with uncommon  clearness4  
,oct4 #bd4--8,near noon1 rode to my     
people2 spent some time1 and prayed     
with them2 felt the frame of a pilgrim  
on earth2 longed much to leave  this    
gloomy mansion2 but yet found the       
exercise of patience and  resignation4  
,and as ,i returned home from the       
,indians1 spent the whole  time in      
lifting up my heart to ,god4 ,in the    
evening enjoyed a blessed  season alone 
in prayer2 was enabled to cry to ,god   
with a child-like  spirit1 for the space
 of near an hour2 enjoyed a sweet       
freedom in  supplicating for myself1 for
 dear friends1 ministers1 and some who  
are  preparing for that work1 and for   
the church of ,god2 and longed to be as 
lively myself in ,god's service as the  
angels4    ,oct4 #bf4--8;,in the morning
 my soul was melted with a sense of     

divine  goodness and mercy to such a    
vile unworthy worm4 ,i delighted to lean
  upon ,god1 and place my whole trust in
 him4 ,my soul was exceedingly  grieved 
for sin1 and prized and longed after    
holiness2 it wounded my  heart deeply1  
yet sweetly1 to think how ,i had abused 
a kind ,god4 ,i  longed to be perfectly 
holy that ,i might not grieve a gracious
 ,god2 who  will continue to love       
notwithstanding his love is abused6 ,i  
longed for  holiness more for this end  
than ,i did for my own happiness' sake2 
and  yet this was my greatest happiness1
 never more to dishonor1 but always  to 
glorify the blessed ,god4    ,oct4      
#ca4--8,was sensible of my barrenness   
and decays in the things of  ,god3 my   
soul failed when ,i remembered the      
fervency which ,i had enjoyed  at the   
throne of grace4 ,o1 ,i thought1 if ,i  
could but be spiritual1 warm1  heavenly 
minded1 and affectionately breathing    
after ,god1 this would be  better than  
life to me6 ,my soul longed exceedingly 

for death1 to be  loosed from this      
dullness and barrenness1 and made for   
ever active in  the service of ,god4 ,i 
seemed to live for nothing1 and to do no
 good3 and  ,o the burden of such a     
life6 ,o death1 death1 my kind friend1  
hasten and  deliver me from dull        
mortality1 and make me spiritual and    
vigorous to  eternity60    ,nov4        
#e4--;,he set out on a journey to       
,new-,york1 and was from home more  than
 a fortnight4 ,he was exposed to cold   
and storms1 became greatly  fatigued1   
and when he returned from ,new-,york to 
,new-,jersey was taken  ill1 and        
detained some time4    ,nov4            
#ba4--8,rode from ,newark to            
,rockciticus in the cold1 and was almost
  overcome with it4 ,enjoyed some       
sweetness in conversation with dear ,mr4
  ,jones1 while ,i dined with him4 ,my  
soul loves the people of ,god1 and      
especially the ministers of ,jesus      
,christ who feel the same trials that ,i
  do4    ,nov4 #bb4--8;,came on my way  

from ,rockciticus to the ,delaware4 ,was
 very  much disordered with a cold and  
pain in my head4 ,about six at night ,i 
lost my way in the wilderness1 and      
wandered over rocks and mountains1  down
 hideous steeps1 through swamps and most
 dreadful and dangerous  places2 and the
 night being dark1 so that few stars    
could be seen1 ,i was  greatly exposed4 
,i was much pinched with cold1 and      
distressed with pain  in my head1       
attended with sickness at my stomach2 so
 that every step ,i  took was           
distressing to me4 ,i had little hope1  
for several hours  together1 but that ,i
 must lie out in the woods all night in 
this  distressed case4 ,but about nine  
o'clock ,i found a house1 through the   
abundant goodness of ,god1 and was      
kindly entertained4 ,thus ,i have       
frequently been exposed1 and sometimes  
lain out the whole night3 but ,god  has 
hitherto preserved me2 and blessed be   
his name4 ,such fatigues and  hardships 
as these serve to wean me from the      

earth2 and ,i trust will  make heaven   
the sweeter4 ,formerly1 when ,i was thus
 exposed to cold1  rain1 c4 ,i was ready
 to please myself with the thoughts of  
enjoying a  comfortable house1 a warm   
fire1 and other outward comforts2 but   
now  these have less place in my heart1 
7through the grace of ,god17 and my  eye
 is more to ,god for comfort4 ,in this  
world ,i expect tribulation2 and  it    
does not now1 as formerly1 appear       
strange to me4 ,i do not in such        
seasons of difficulty flatter myself    
that it will be better hereafter2  but  
rather think how much worse it might be2
 how much greater trials  others of     
,god's children have endured2 and how   
much greater are yet  perhaps reserved  
for me4 ,blessed be ,god1 that he makes 
the thoughts of  my journey's end1 and  
of my dissolution a great comfort to me 
under my  sharpest trials2 and scarce   
ever lets these thoughts be attended    
with  terror or melancholy2 but they are
 attended frequently with great joy4    

,nov4 #bc4--8,visited a sick man2       
discoursed and prayed with him4 ,then   
visited another house1 where was one    
dead and laid out2 looked on the        
corpse1 and longed that my time might   
come to depart and be with  ,christ4    
,then went home to my lodgings about one
 o'clock4 ,felt poorly2  but was able to
 read most of the afternoon40    ,within
 the space of the next twelve days he   
spent much time in hard  labor1 with    
others1 to make for himself a little    
cottage or hut1 to live  in by himself  
through the winter4 ,yet he frequently  
preached to the  ,indians1 and speaks of
 special assistance which he had from   
time to  time1 in addressing himself to 
them2 and of his sometimes having       
considerable encouragement from the     
attention which they gave4 ,but on      
,tuesday1 ,december #d1 he was sunk into
 great discouragement1 to see most  of  
them going in company to an idolatrous  
feast and dance1 after he  had taken    
abundant pains to dissuade them from    

these things4    ,dec4 #f4--8;,having   
now a happy opportunity of being retired
 in a house of  my own1 which ,i have   
lately procured and moved into2         
considering that it  is now a long time 
since ,i have been able1 either on      
account of bodily  weakness or for want 
of retirement1 or some other difficulty1
 to spend  any time in secret fasting   
and prayer2 considering also the        
greatness of  my work1 the extreme      
difficulties that attend it1 and that my
 poor  ,indians are now worshipping     
devils1 notwithstanding all the pains ,i
  have taken with them1 which almost    
overwhelms my spirit2 moreover1         
considering my extreme barrenness1      
spiritual deadness and dejection1 of    
late2 as also the power of some         
particular corruptions2 ,i set apart    
this  day for secret prayer and fasting1
 to implore the blessing of ,god on     
myself1 on my poor people1 on my        
friends1 and on the church of ,god4 ,at 
first ,i felt a great backwardness to   

the duties of the day on account of  the
 seeming impossibility of performing    
them3 but the ,lord helped me to  break 
through this difficulty4 ,god was       
pleased1 by the use of means1 to  give  
me some clear conviction of my          
sinfulness1 and a discovery of the      
plague of my own heart1 more affecting  
than what ,i have of late had4  ,and    
especially ,i saw my sinfulness in this1
 that when ,god had withdrawn  himself1 
then1 instead of living and dying in    
pursuit of him1 ,i have  been disposed  
to one of these two things3 either to   
yield an unbecoming  respect to some    
earthly objects1 as if happiness were to
 be derived  from them2 or to be        
secretly froward and impatient1 and     
unsuitably  desirous of death1 so that  
,i have sometimes thought ,i could not  
bear  to think that my life must be     
lengthened out4 ,that which often drove 
me  to this impatient desire of death1  
was a despair of doing any good in      
life3 and ,i chose death rather than a  

life spent for nothing4 ,but now  ,god  
made me sensible of my sin in these     
things1 and enabled me to cry to  him   
for forgiveness4 ,yet this was not all  
,i wanted1 for my soul appeared         
exceedingly polluted1 my heart seemed   
like a nest of vipers1 or a cage  of    
unclean and hateful birds2 and therefore
 ,i wanted to be purified #8by  the     
blood of sprinkling1 that cleanseth from
 all sin4' ,this1 ,i hope1 ,i  was      
enabled to pray for in faith4 ,i enjoyed
 much more intenseness1  fervency1 and  
spirituality1 than ,i expected2 ,god was
 better to me than  my fears4 ,toward   
night1 ,i felt my soul rejoice1 that    
,god is unchangeably  happy and         
glorious2 and that he will be glorified1
 whatever becomes of  his creatures4 ,i 
was enabled to persevere in prayer until
 sometime in  the evening2 at which time
 ,i saw so much need of divine help1 in 
every  respect1 that ,i knew not how to 
leave off1 and had forgot that ,i needed
  food4 ,blessed be the ,lord for any   

help in the past day4    ,dec4          
#g4--8,spent some time in prayer1 in the
 morning2 enjoyed some  freedom and     
affection in the duty1 and had longing  
desires of being made  #8faithful to the
 death4' ,spent a little time in writing
 on a divine  subject2 then visited the 
,indians1 and preached to them2 but ,i  
had no  heart to speak to them1 and     
could not do it1 but as ,i forced       
myself3 ,i  knew they must hate to hear 
me1 as having but just got home from    
their  idolatrous feast and             
devil-worship4 ,in the evening1 had some
 freedom in  prayer and meditation4     
,dec4 #ab4--8,was very weak2 but        
somewhat assisted in secret prayer1 and 
enabled with pleasure and sweetness to  
cry1 #8,come1 ,lord ,jesus6 come1  ,lord
 ,jesus6 come quickly4' ,my soul        
#8longed for ,god1 for the living ,god4'
  ,o how delightful it is to pray under 
such sweet influences6 ,o how much      
better is this than one's necessary     
food6 ,i had at this time no            

disposition to eat1 7though late in the 
morning17 for earthly food  appeared    
wholly tasteless4 ,o how much #8better  
is thy love than wine1'  than the       
sweetest wine6--,i visited and preached 
to the ,indians in the  afternoon2 but  
under much dejection4 ,found my         
,interpreter under some  concern for his
 soul2 which was some comfort to me2 and
 yet filled me  with new care4 ,i longed
 greatly for his conversion2 lifted up  
my heart  to ,god for it1 while ,i was  
talking to him2 came home1 and poured   
out my  soul to ,god for him2 enjoyed   
some freedom in prayer1 and was enabled1
 ,i  think1 to leave all with ,god4     
,dec4 #ah4--8,went to the ,indians1 and 
discoursed to them near an hour1        
without any power to come close to their
 hearts4 ,but at last ,i felt some      
fervency1 and ,god helped me to speak   
with warmth4 ,my ,interpreter also  was 
amazingly assisted2 and presently most  
of the grown persons were  much         
affected1 and the tears ran down their  

cheeks4 ,one old man1 ,i  suppose an    
hundred years old1 was so much affected 
that he wept1 and  seemed convinced of  
the importance of what ,i taught them4  
,i staid with  them a considerable time1
 exhorting and directing them2 and came 
away1  lifting up my heart to ,god in   
prayer and praise1 and encouraged and   
exhorted my ,interpreter to #8strive to 
enter in at the strait gate4'  ,came    
home1 and spent most of the evening in  
prayer and thanksgiving2 and  found     
myself much enlarged and quickened4 ,was
 greatly concerned that the  ,lord's    
work1 which seemed to be begun1 might be
 carried on with power1  to the         
conversion of poor souls1 and the glory 
of divine grace4    ,dec4 #ai4--8,spent 
a great part of the day in prayer to    
,god for the  outpouring of his ,spirit 
on my poor people2 as also to bless his 
name  for awakening my ,interpreter and 
some others1 and giving us some  tokens 
of his presence yesterday4 ,and blessed 
be ,god1 ,i had much  freedom1 five or  

six times in the day1 in prayer and     
praise1 and felt a  weighty concern upon
 my spirit for the salvation of those   
precious  souls1 and the enlargement of 
the ,redeemer's kingdom among them4 ,my 
soul  hoped in ,god for some success in 
my ministry3 blessed be his name for so 
much hope4    ,dec4 #ba4--8,was enabled 
again to pray with freedom1             
cheerfulness1 and  hope4 ,god was       
pleased to make the duty comfortable and
 pleasant to me2  so that ,i delighted  
to persevere1 and repeatedly to engage  
in it4 ,toward  noon visited my people1 
and spent the whole time in the way to  
them in  prayer1 longing to see the     
power of ,god among them1 as there      
appeared  something of it the last      
,tuesday2 and ,i found it sweet to rest 
and hope  in ,god4 ,preached to them    
twice1 and at two distinct places3 had  
considerable freedom each time1 and so  
had my ,interpreter4 ,several of  them  
followed me from one place to the other2
 and ,i thought there was  some divine  

influence discernible among them4 ,in   
the evening was  assisted in prayer     
again4 ,blessed be the ,lord4    ,dec4  
#be4--8;,enjoyed very little quiet sleep
 last night1 by reason of  bodily       
weakness1 and the closeness of my       
studies yesterday2 yet my heart  was    
somewhat lively in prayer and praise4 ,i
 was delighted with the  divine glory   
and happiness1 and rejoiced that ,god   
was ,god1 and that he  was unchangeably 
possessed of glory and blessedness4     
,though ,god held my  eyes waking1 yet  
he helped me to improve my time         
profitably amidst my  pains and         
weakness1 in continued meditations on   
,luke1 #ac3g4 #8,behold1  these three   
years ,i come seeking fruit4' c4 ,my    
meditations were sweet2  and ,i wanted  
to set before sinners their sin and     
danger40    ,he continued in a very low 
state1 as to his bodily health1 for some
  days1 which seems to have been a great
 hindrance to him in his religious      
exercises and pursuits4 ,but yet he     

expresses some degree of divine         
assistance1 from day to day1 through the
 remainder of this week4 ,he  preached  
several times this week to his ,indians2
 and there appeared  still some concern 
among them for their souls4    ,jan4 #i1
 #agde4--8;,in the morning ,god was     
pleased to remove that gloom  which has 
of late oppressed my mind1 and gave me  
freedom and sweetness  in prayer2 ,i was
 encouraged1 strengthened1 and enabled  
to plead for  grace myself1 and mercy   
for my poor ,indians2 and was sweetly   
assisted in  my intercessions with ,god 
for others4 ,blessed be his holy name   
for ever  and ever4 ,amen1 and ,amen4   
,those things that of late have appeared
 most  difficult and almost impossible1 
now appeared not only possible1 but     
easy4 ,my soul so much delighted to     
continue instant in prayer1 at this     
blessed season1 that ,i had no desire   
for my necessary food3 ,i even  dreaded 
leaving off praying at all1 lest ,i     
should lose this  spirituality1 and this

 blessed thankfulness to ,god which ,i  
then felt4 ,i  felt now quite willing to
 live1 and undergo all trials that might
 remain  for me in a world of sorrow2   
but still longed for heaven1 that ,i    
might  glorify ,god in a perfect manner4
 #8,o come1 ,lord ,jesus1 come quickly4'
    ,lord's day1 ,feb4 #c4--8;,in the   
morning ,i was somewhat relieved of that
  gloom and confusion with which my mind
 has of late been greatly  exercised2   
and was enabled to pray with some       
composure and comfort4  ,still ,i went  
to my ,indians trembling2 but ,god was  
pleased to hear my  cries1 and to afford
 me great assistance2 so that ,i felt   
peace in my own  soul2 and was          
satisfied1 that if not one of the       
,indians should be  profited by my      
preaching1 but they should all be       
damned1 yet ,i should be  accepted and  
rewarded as faithful2 for ,i am         
persuaded1 ,god enabled me to  be so4   
,had some good degree of help afterward 
at another place2 and much  longed for  

the conversion of the poor ,indians40   
,on the next ,sabbath he preached at    
,greenwich1 in ,new-,jersey4 ,in the    
evening he rode eight miles to visit a  
sick man at the point of death1  and    
found him speechless and senseless4     
,feb4 #aa4--8;,about the break of day   
the sick man died4 ,i was affected at   
the sight2 spent the morning with the   
mourners2 and after prayer and  some    
discourse with them1 returned to        
,greenwich1 and preached again from     
,psalm #hi3ae4 ,the ,lord gave me some  
assistance2 ,i felt a sweet love to     
souls and to the kingdom of ,christ2 and
 longed that poor sinners might  #8know 
the joyful sound4' ,several persons were
 much affected4 ,after  meeting1 ,i was 
enabled to discourse1 with freedom and  
concern1 to some  persons who applied to
 me under spiritual trouble4 ,left the  
place1  sweetly composed1 and rode home 
to my house about eight miles distant4  
,discoursed to friends1 and inculcated  
divine truths upon some4 ,in the        

evening was in the most solemn frame    
which ,i almost ever remember to  have  
experienced4 ,i know not that ever death
 appeared more real to me1  or that ever
 ,i saw myself in the condition of a    
dead corpse1 laid out1  and dressed for 
a lodging in the silent grave1 so       
evidently as at this  time4 ,and yet ,i 
felt exceedingly tranquil2 my mind was  
composed and  calm1 and death appeared  
without a sting4 ,i think ,i never felt 
such  an universal mortification to all 
created objects as now4 ,o1 how great   
and solemn a thing it appeared to die6  
,o1 how it lays the greatest honor  in  
the dust6 ,and ,o1 how vain and trifling
 did the riches1 honors1 and  pleasures 
of the world appear6 ,i could not1 ,i   
dare not so much as think  of any of    
them2 for death1 death appeared at the  
door4 ,o1 ,i could  see myself dead1 and
 laid out1 and inclosed in my coffin1   
and put down  into the cold grave1 with 
the greatest solemnity1 but without     
terror6 ,i  spent most of the evening in

 conversing with a dear ,christian      
friend4  ,blessed be ,god for the       
comforts of the past day4    ,feb4      
#ae4--8,was engaged in writing almost   
the whole day4 ,in the evening  was much
 assisted in meditating on that precious
 text1 ,john1 #g3cg4  #8,jesus stood and
 cried1' c4 ,i had then a sweet sense of
 the free grace  of the gospel2 my soul 
was encouraged1 warmed1 and quickened4  
,my desires  were drawn out after ,god  
in prayer2 and my soul was watchful1    
afraid of  losing such a guest as ,i    
then entertained4 ,i continued long in  
prayer  and meditation1 intermixing one 
with the other2 and was unwilling to be 
diverted by any thing at all from so    
sweet an exercise4 ,i longed to         
proclaim the grace ,i then meditated    
upon1 to the world of sinners4 ,o how   
quick and powerful is the word of the   
blessed ,god4    ,lord's day1 ,feb4     
#ag4--8,preached to the white people my 
interpreter  being absent1 in the       
wilderness1 upon the sunny side of a    

hill2 had a  considerable assembly1     
consisting of people who lived1 at least
 many of  them1 not less than thirty    
miles asunder2 some of them came near   
twenty  miles4 ,i discoursed to them all
 day1 from ,john1 #g3cg4 #8,jesus stood 
and  cried1 saying1 that if any man     
thirst1' c4 ,in the afternoon1 it       
pleased  ,god to grant me great freedom 
and fervency in my discourse and ,i was 
enabled to imitate the example of       
,christ in the text1 who stood and      
cried4 ,i think ,i was scarce ever      
enabled to exhibit the free grace of    
,god to perishing sinners with more     
freedom and plainness in my life4       
,afterward1 ,i was enabled earnestly to 
invite the children of ,god to come     
renewedly1 and drink of this fountain of
 the water of life1 from whence  they   
have heretofore derived unspeakable     
satisfaction4 ,it was a very            
comfortable time to me4 ,there were many
 tears in the assembly2 and ,i  doubt   
not but that the ,spirit of ,god was    

there1 convincing poor sinners  of their
 need of ,christ4 ,in the evening ,i    
felt composed and comfortable1  though  
much tired4 ,i had some sweet sense of  
the excellency and glory of  ,god2 my   
soul rejoiced that he was #8,god over   
all1 blessed for ever2' but  was too    
much crowded with company and           
conversation1 and longed to be  more    
alone with ,god4 ,o that ,i could for   
ever bless ,god for the mercy of  this  
day1 who #8answered me in the joy of my 
heart4'    ,lord's day1 ,feb4           
#bd4--8;,in the morning was much        
perplexed4 ,my  interpreter being       
absent1 ,i knew not how to perform my   
work among the  ,indians4 ,however1 ,i  
rode to them1 got a ,dutchman to        
interpret for me1  though he was but    
poorly qualified for the business4      
,afterward ,i came  and preached to a   
few white people1 from ,john1 #f3fg4    
,here the ,lord  seemed to unburden me  
in some measure1 especially toward the  
close of my  discourse3 ,i felt freedom 

to open the love of ,christ to his own  
dear  disciples4 ,when the rest of the  
world forsake him1 and are forsaken by  
him1 he then turns to his own1 and says1
 ,will ye also go away8 ,i had a  sense 
of the free grace of ,christ to his own 
people1 in such seasons of  general     
apostacy1 and when they themselves in   
some measure backslide  with the world4 
,o the free grace of ,christ1 that he   
seasonably reminds  his people of their 
danger of backsliding1 and invites them 
to  persevere in their adherence to     
himself6 ,i saw that backsliding souls1 
who seemed to be about to go away with  
the world1 might return1 and be         
welcome1 to him immediately2 without any
 thing to recommend them2               
notwithstanding all their former        
backslidings4 ,thus my discourse was    
suited to my own soul's case2 for of    
late1 ,i have found a great want of     
this sense and apprehension of divine   
grace2 and have often been greatly      
distressed in my own soul1 because ,i   

did not suitably apprehend this         
fountain opened to purge away sin2 and  
have been too much laboring for         
spiritual life1 peace of conscience1 and
 progressive holiness1 in my own        
strength4 ,now ,god showed me1 in some  
measure1 the arm of all strength1  and  
the fountain of all grace4 ,in the      
evening1 ,i felt solemn1 resting  on    
free grace for assistance1 acceptance1  
and peace of conscience4    ,march      
#f4--8,spent most of the day in         
preparing for a journey to              
,new-,england2 and sometime in prayer   
with a special reference to it4 ,was    
afraid ,i should forsake the ,fountain  
of living waters1 and attempt to  derive
 satisfaction from broken cisterns1 my  
dear friends and  acquaintance1 whom ,i 
might meet in my journey4 ,i looked to  
,god to keep  me from this vanity as    
well as others4 ,toward night1 and in   
the  evening1 was visited by some       
friends1 some of whom ,i trust were real
  ,christians2 who discovered an        

affectionate regard to me1 and seemed   
grieved that ,i was about to leave them2
 especially as ,i did not expect  to    
make any considerable stay among them1  
if ,i should live to return4,f  ,o how  
kind has ,god been to me6 how he has    
raised up friends in every  place where 
his providence has called me6 ,friends  
are a great comfort2  and it is ,god who
 gives them2 it is ,he who makes them   
friendly to me4  #8,bless the ,lord1 my 
soul1 and forget not all his benefits4'0
    ,footnote ,f3      ,it seems by what
 afterward appears1 that he had a design
 to remove and    live among the        
,indians on the ,susquehanna river4     
,the next day he set out on his journey2
 and it was about five weeks  before he 
returned4 ,the special design of this   
journey1 he himself  declares afterward1
 in his diary for ,march #ba1 where1    
speaking of his  conversing with a      
certain minister in ,new-,england1 he   
says1 8,contrived  with him how to raise
 some money among ,christian friends1 in

 order to  support a colleague with me  
in the wilderness1 7,i having now spent 
two  years in a very solitary manner17  
that we might be together3 as ,christ   
sent out his disciples two and two2 and 
as this was the principal  concern ,i   
had in view1 in taking this journey1 so 
,i took pains in it1  and hope ,god will
 succeed it1 if for his glory40 ,he     
first went into  various parts of       
,new-,jersey1 and visited several       
ministers there2 then  went to          
,new-,york2 and from thence into        
,new-,england1 going to various  parts  
of ,connecticut4 ,he then returned to   
,new-,jersey1 and met a number  of      
ministers at ,woodbridge1 8who10 he says
 8met there to consult about  the       
affairs of ,christ's kingdom40 ,he      
seems1 for the most part1 to have  been 
free from melancholy in this journey2   
and many times to have had              
extraordinary assistance in public      
ministrations1 and his preaching was    
sometimes attended with very hopeful    

appearances of a good effect on the     
auditory4 ,he also had many seasons of  
special comfort and spiritual           
refreshment1 in conversation with       
ministers and other ,christian friends1 
and also in meditation and prayer when  
alone4    ,april #ac4--8,rode home to my
 own house at the ,forks of ,delaware2  
was  enabled to remember the goodness of
 the ,lord1 who has now preserved me    
while riding full six hundred miles in  
this journey2 and kept me that  none of 
my bones have been broken4 ,blessed be  
the ,lord1 who has  preserved me in this
 tedious journey1 and returned me in    
safety to my  own house4 ,verily it is  
,god who has upheld me1 and guarded my  
goings4    ,lord's day1 ,april          
#ad4--8,was disordered in body with the 
fatigues of the  late journey2 but was  
enabled however to preach to a          
considerable  assembly of white people1 
gathered from all parts round about1    
with some  freedom1 from ,ezek4 #cc3aa4 
#8,as ,i live saith the ,lord1' c4 ,had 

much more  assistance than ,i expected40
    ,this week he went a journey to     
,philadelphia1 in order to engage the   
,governor to use his interest with the  
chief of the ,six ,nations1 with  whom  
he maintained a strict friendship1 that 
he would give him leave to  live at     
,susquehanna1 and instruct the ,indians 
who are within their  territories4      
,april #bf4--8;,conversed with a        
,christian friend with some warmth2 and 
felt a spirit of mortification to the   
world1 in a very great degree4          
,afterward1 was enabled to pray         
fervently1 and to rely on ,god sweetly1 
for #8all things pertaining to life and 
godliness4' ,just in the evening1  was  
visited by a dear ,christian friend1    
with whom ,i spent an hour or two  in   
conversation1 on the very soul of       
religion4 ,there are many with whom  ,i 
can talk about religion2 but alas6 ,i   
find few with whom ,i can talk  religion
 itself2 but1 blessed be the ,lord there
 are some that love to  feed on the     

kernel1 rather than the shell4    ,april
 #cj4--8,was scarce able to walk about1 
and was obliged to betake  myself to bed
 much of the day2 and passed away the   
time in a very  solitary manner2 being  
neither able to read1 meditate1 nor     
pray1 and had  none to converse with in 
this wilderness4 ,o how heavily does    
time pass  away when ,i can do nothing  
to any good purpose2 but seem obliged to
  trifle away precious time6 ,but of    
late ,i have seen it my duty to  divert 
myself by all lawful means1 that ,i may 
be fit1 at least some  small part of my 
time1 to labor for ,god4 ,and here is   
the difference  between my present      
diversions1 and those ,i once pursued1  
when in a  natural state4 ,then ,i made 
a ,god of my diversions1 delighted in   
them  with a neglect of ,god1 and drew  
my highest satisfaction from them4 ,now 
,i  use them as means to help me in     
living to ,god2 fixedly delighting in   
him1 and not in them1 drawing my highest
 satisfaction from him4 ,then  they were

 my all2 now they are only means leading
 to my all4 ,and  those things that are 
the greatest diversion1 when pursued    
with this  view1 do not tend to hinder1 
but promote my spirituality2 and ,i see 
now1  more than ever1 that they are     
absolutely necessary4    ,may #b4--8;,in
 the evening1 being a little better in  
health1 ,i walked into  the woods1 and  
enjoyed a sweet season of meditation and
 prayer4 ,my  thoughts ran upon ,psalm  
#ag3ae4 #8,i shall be satisfied1 when ,i
 awake1 with  thy likeness4' ,and it was
 indeed a precious text to me4 ,i longed
 to  preach to the whole world2 and it  
seemed to me they must needs all be     
melted in hearing such precious divine  
truths as ,i then had a view of4  ,my   
thoughts were exceeding clear1 and my   
soul was refreshed4 ,blessed be  the    
,lord1 that in my late and present      
weakness1 now for many days  together1  
my mind is not gloomy1 as at some other 
times4    ,may #g4--8,spent the day     
mainly in making preparation for a      

journey into  the wilderness4 ,was still
 weak1 and concerned how ,i should      
perform so  difficult a journey2 but    
wanted bodily strength to spend the day 
in  fasting and prayer40    ,the next   
day he set out on his journey to the    
,susquehanna1 with his  interpreter4 ,he
 endured great hardships and fatigues in
 his way thither  through the           
wilderness2 where1 after having lodged  
one night in the open  woods1 he was    
overtaken with a north-easterly storm1  
in which he was  ready to perish4       
,having no manner of shelter1 and not   
being able to make  a fire in so great a
 rain1 he could have no comfort if he   
stopped2 he  therefore determined to go 
forward in hope of meeting with some    
shelter1  without which he thought it   
impossible to live the night through2   
but  their horses happening to eat      
poison1 for the want of other food1 at a
  place where they lodged the night     
before1 were so sick that they could    
neither ride nor lead them1 but were    

obliged to drive them and travel on     
foot2 until1 through the mercy of ,god1 
just at dusk they came to a bark  hut1  
where they lodged that night4 ,after he 
came to the ,susquehanna he  traveled   
about a hundred miles on the river1 and 
visited many towns and  settlements of  
the ,indians2 saw some of seven or eight
 tribes1 and  preached to different     
nations1 by different interpreters4 ,he 
was  sometimes much discouraged1 and    
sunk in his spirits1 through the        
opposition which appeared in the        
,indians to ,christianity4 ,at other    
times  he was encouraged by the         
disposition which some of these people  
manifested to hear1 and their           
willingness to be instructed4 ,he here  
met  with some who had formerly been his
 hearers at ,kaunaumeek1 and had        
removed hither2 who saw and heard him   
again with great joy4 ,he spent a       
fortnight among the ,indians on this    
river1 and passed through many  labors  
and hardships1 lodging on the ground for

 several weeks1 and  sometimes in the   
open air4 ,at length he became extremely
 ill1 as he was  riding in the          
wilderness1 being seized with an ague1  
followed with a  burning fever and      
extreme pains in his head and bowels1   
attended with a  great evacuation of    
blood2 so that he thought he must have  
perished in  the wilderness4 ,but at    
last coming to an ,indian trader's hut1 
he got  leave to stay there2 and though 
without physic or food proper for him1  
it pleased ,god1 after about a week's   
distress1 to relieve him so far  that he
 was able to ride4 ,he returned homeward
 from ,juncauta1 an  island far down the
 river1 where were a considerable number
 of ,indians1  who appeared more free   
from prejudices against ,christianity   
than most of  the other ,indians2 and   
arrived at the ,forks of ,delaware on   
,thursday1 ,may  #cj1 after having rode 
in this journey about three hundred and 
forty  miles4 ,he came home in a very   
week state1 and under dejection of mind2

  which was a great hindrance to him in 
religious exercises4 ,however1 on  the  
,sabbath1 after having preached to the  
,indians1 he preached to the  white     
people with some success1 from ,isaiah1 
#ec3aj4 8,yet it pleased the  ,lord to  
bruise him10 c4 some being awakened by  
his preaching4 ,the next  day he was    
much exercised for want of spiritual    
life and fervency4    ,june #e4--8;,felt
 thirsting desires after ,god1 in the   
morning4 ,in the  evening1 enjoyed a    
precious season of retirement3 was      
favored with some  clear and sweet      
meditations upon a sacred text2 divine  
things opened  with clearness and       
certainty1 and had a divine stamp upon  
them4 ,my soul  was also enlarged and   
refreshed in prayer2 ,i delighted to    
continue in  the duty2 and was sweetly  
assisted in praying for my fellow       
,christians1  and dear brethren in the  
ministry4 ,blessed be the dear ,lord for
 such  enjoyments4 ,o how sweet and     
precious it is to have a clear          

apprehension  and tender sense of the   
mystery of godliness1 of true holiness1 
and of  likeness to the best of beings6 
,o what a blessedness it is to be as    
much  like ,god as it is possible for a 
creature to be like his great ,creator6 
,lord give me more of thy likeness2 #8,i
 shall be satisfied1 when ,i  awake1    
with it4'0    ,on ,friday1 ,june #g1 he 
went a journey of near fifty miles1 to  
,neshaminy1 to assist at a sacramental  
occasion1 to be attended at ,mr4        
,beatty's meeting-house2 being invited  
thither by him and his people4    ,june 
#h4--8,was exceedingly weak and fatigued
 with riding in the heat  yesterday2 but
 being desired1 ,i preached in the      
afternoon1 to a crowded  audience1 from 
,isaiah1 #dj3a4 #8,comfort ye1 comfort  
ye my people1 saith  your ,god4' ,god   
was pleased to give me great freedom1 in
 opening the  sorrows of his people1 and
 in setting before them comforting      
considerations4 ,and1 blessed be the    
,lord1 it was a sweet melting season  in

 the assembly4    ,lord's day1 ,june    
#i4--8;,felt some longing desires of the
 presence of ,god  to be with his people
 on the solemn occasion of the day4 ,in 
the forenoon  ,mr4 ,beatty preached2 and
 there appeared some warmth in the      
assembly4  ,afterward1 ,i assisted in   
the administration of the ,lord's       
supper3 and  toward the close of it1 ,i 
discoursed to the multitude extempore1  
with  some reference to that sacred     
passage1 ,isaiah1 #ec3aj4 #8,yet it     
pleased  the ,lord to bruise him4' ,here
 ,god gave me great assistance in       
addressing  sinners3 and the word was   
attended with amazing power3 many       
scores1 if  not hundreds1 in that great 
assembly1 consisting of three or four   
thousand1 were much affected2 so that   
there was a #8very great mourning1  like
 the mourning of ,hadadrimmon4'    ,june
 #aj4--8,preached with a good degree of 
clearness and some sweet  warmth from   
,psalm #ag3ae4 #8,i shall be satisfied1 
when ,i awake1 with thy  likeness4' ,and

 blessed be ,god1 there was a great     
solemnity1 and  attention in the        
assembly1 and sweet refreshment among   
,god's people2 as  was evident then and 
afterward4    ,june #aa4--8,spent the   
day mainly in conversation with dear    
,christian  friends2 and enjoyed some   
sweet sense of divine things4 ,o how    
desirable  it is to keep company with   
,god's dear children6 #8,these are the  
excellent  ones of the earth1' in whom1 
,i can truly say #8is all my delight4'  
,o what  delight will it afford1 to meet
 them all in a state of perfection6     
,lord  prepare me for that state4       
,june #ah4--8,set out from              
,new-,brunswick with a design to visit  
some  ,indians at a place called        
,crossweeksung1 in ,new-,jersey1 toward 
the  sea4 ,in the afternoon1 came to a  
place called ,cranberry1 and meeting    
with a serious minister1 ,mr4           
,macknight1 ,i lodged there with him4   
,had  some enlargement and freedom in   
prayer with a number of people40        

,illustration3 ,view of the ,creek and  
,village of ,crosswicks1 ,new ,jersey1  
,july1 #ahcc4                           
,,chapter ,,vii4    ,being part #ast of 
his public journal of 8the ,rise and    
,progress of a      remarkable work of  
grace among the ,indians in ,new-,jersey
 and      ,pennsylvania1 kept by order  
of the ,society in ,scotland for        
propagating ,christian                  
knowledge40--,commencement of his labors
 at      ,crossweeksung4--,renewal of   
labor at the ,forks of                  
,delaware4--,conversion      of his     
,interpreter4--,return to               
,crossweeksung4--,outpouring of the     
spirit4--,visit to the ,forks of        
,delaware and the ,susquehanna4--,a     
,powaw4--,a ,conjurer4--,renewal of     
labor at ,crossweeksung4--,remarks on   
the      works of ,divine ,grace4       
,june #ai4--,nov4 #e1 #agde4    ,we are 
now come to that part of ,brainerd's    
,life1 when he had the  greatest success
 in his labors for the good of souls1   

and in his  particular business as a    
missionary to the ,indians4 ,after all  
his  agonizing in prayer1 and travailing
 in birth for their conversion--his     
raised hopes and expectations1          
disappointments and encouragements2     
after  panting in a way of persevering  
prayer1 labor1 and suffering1 as it were
  through a long night2 at length the   
day dawns3 8,weeping continues for a    
night1 but joy comes in the morning40   
,he went forth weeping1 8bearing        
precious seed10 but now he comes 8with  
rejoicing1 bringing his sheaves  with   
him40 ,the desired event is brought to  
pass at last2 but at a time1  in a      
place1 and upon subjects1 that scarce   
ever entered his heart4                 
8,crossweeksung1 in ,new-,jersey1 ,june 
#ag1 #agde4    ,june #ai4--8;,i had     
spent most of my time for more than a   
year past among  the ,indians at the    
,forks of ,delaware1 in ,pennsylvania4  
,during that time  ,i made two journies 
to the ,susquehanna1 to treat with the  

,indians on  that river respecting      
,christianity2 and not having had any   
considerable  appearance of special     
success in either of those places1 my   
spirits were  depressed1 and ,i was not 
a little discouraged4 ,hearing that     
there were a  number of ,indians at a   
place called ,crossweeksung1 in         
,new-,jersey1  nearly eighty miles south
 east from the ,forks of ,delaware1 ,i  
determined  to make them a visit1 and   
see what might be done toward           
christianizing  them2 and accordingly   
arrived among them this day4    8,i     
found very few persons at the place ,i  
visited1 and perceived that the         
,indians in these parts were very much  
scattered4 ,there were not more  than   
two or three families in a place2 and   
these small settlements were  six1 ten1 
fifteen1 twenty1 or thirty miles1 and   
some more from that  place4 ,however1 ,i
 preached to those few ,i found2 who    
appeared well  disposed1 serious and    
attentive1 and not inclined to cavil and

 object1  as the ,indians had done      
elsewhere4 ,when ,i had concluded my    
discourse1 ,i  informed them 7there     
being none but a few women and children7
 that ,i  would willingly visit them    
again the next day4 ,whereupon they     
readily  set out and traveled ten or    
fifteen miles1 in order to give notice  
to  some of their friends at that       
distance4 ,these women1 like the woman  
of  ,samaria1 seemed desirous that      
others should see the man who had told  
them what they had done in their past   
lives1 and the misery that  attended    
their idolatrous ways4    ,june         
#bj4--8,visited and preached to the     
,indians again as ,i proposed4  ,numbers
 were gathered at the invitations of    
their friends1 who had heard  me the day
 before4 ,these also appeared as        
attentive1 orderly and well  disposed1  
as the others3 and none made any        
objections1 as ,indians in  other places
 have usually done4    ,june            
#bb4--8,preached to the ,indians again4 

,their number1 which at first  consisted
 of seven or eight persons1 was now     
increased to nearly thirty4  ,there was 
not only a solemn attention among them1 
but some considerable  impression1 it   
was apparent1 was made upon their minds 
by divine truth4  ,some began to feel   
their misery1 and perishing state1 and  
appeared  concerned for a deliverance   
from it4    ,lord's day1 ,june          
#bc4--8,preached to the ,indians1 and   
spent the day with  them4 ,their number 
still increased2 and all with one       
consent1 seemed to  rejoice in my coming
 among them4 ,not a word of opposition  
was heard from  any of them against     
,christianity1 although in times past   
they had been  as much opposed to any   
thing of that nature as any ,indians    
whatsoever4  ,some of them1 not many    
months before1 were enraged with my     
,interpreter  because he attempted to   
teach them something of ,christianity4  
,june #bd4--8,preached to the ,indians  
at their desire and upon their own      

motion4 ,to see poor ,pagans desirous of
 hearing the gospel of ,christ1         
animated me to discourse to them2       
although ,i was now very weak1 and my   
spirits much exhausted4 ,they attended  
with the greatest seriousness and       
diligence2 and some concern for their   
soul's salvation was apparent  among    
them4    ,june #bg4--8,visited and      
preached to the ,indians again4 ,their  
number now  amounted to about forty     
persons4 ,their solemnity and attention 
still  continued1 and a considerable    
concern for their souls became very     
apparent among numbers of them4    ,june
 #bh4--8,the ,indians being now         
gathered1 a considerable number of      
them1 from their several and distant    
habitations1 requested me to preach     
twice a day to them2 being desirous to  
hear as much as they possibly  could    
while ,i was with them4 ,i cheerfully   
complied with their request1  and could 
not but admire the goodness of ,god1 who
 ,i was persuaded had  inclined them    

thus to inquire after the way of        
salvation4    ,june #bi4--8,preached    
twice to the ,indians4 ,saw1 as ,i      
thought1 the hand  of ,god very         
evidently1 and in a manner somewhat     
remarkable1 making  provision for their 
subsistence together1 in order to their 
being  instructed in divine things2 for 
this day1 and the day before1 with only 
walking a little way from the place of  
our daily meeting1 they killed  three   
deer1 which were a seasonable supply for
 their wants1 and without  which1 they  
could not have subsisted together in    
order to attend the  means of grace4    
,lord's day1 ,june #cj4--8,preached     
twice this day also4 ,observed yet more 
concern and affection among the poor    
heathen than ever2 so that they  even   
constrained me to tarry yet longer with 
them1 although my  constitution was     
exceedingly worn out1 and my health much
 impaired by my  late fatigues and      
labors2 and especially by my late       
journey to the  ,susquehanna in ,may    

last1 in which ,i lodged on the ground  
for several  weeks together4    ,july   
#a4--8,preached again twice to a very   
serious and attentive assembly  of      
,indians2 they having now learned to    
attend on the worship of ,god with      
,christian decency in all respects4     
,there were now between forty and  fifty
 persons of them present1 old and young4
 ,i spent a considerable  time in       
discoursing with them in a more private 
way2 inquiring of them  what they       
remembered of the great truths which had
 been taught them from  day to day2 and 
may justly say1 it was amazing to see   
how they had  received and retained the 
instructions given them1 and what a     
measure of  knowledge some of them had  
acquired in a few days4    ,july        
#b4--8,was obliged to leave these       
,indians at ,crossweeksung1 thinking  it
 my duty1 as soon as health would admit1
 again to visit those at the  ,forks of 
,delaware4 ,when ,i came to take leave  
of them1 and to speak  particularly to  

each of them1 they all earnestly        
inquired when ,i would  come again1 and 
expressed a great desire of being       
further instructed4 ,of  their own      
accord they agreed1 that1 when ,i should
 come again1 they would  all meet and   
live together during my continuance with
 them2 and that  they would use their   
utmost endeavors to gather all the other
 ,indians in  these parts who were yet  
more remote4 ,when ,i parted from them1 
one told  me1 with many tears1 #8,she   
wished ,god would change her heart2'    
another1  that #8she wanted to find     
,christ2' and an old man who had been   
one of  their chiefs1 wept bitterly with
 concern for his soul4 ,i then promised 
them to return as speedily as my health 
and business elsewhere would  permit1   
and felt not a little concern at        
parting1 lest the good  impressions1    
then apparent upon numbers of them1     
might decline and wear  off1 when the   
means came to cease4 ,yet ,i could not  
but hope1 that ,he1  who ,i trusted had 

begun a good work among them1 and who ,i
 knew did not  stand in need of means to
 carry it on1 would maintain and promote
 it4 ,at  the same time1 ,i must        
confess1 that ,i had often seen         
encouraging  appearances among the      
,indians elsewhere1 prove wholly        
abortive1 and it  appeared that the     
favor would be too great1 if ,god should
 now1 after ,i  had passed through so   
considerable a series of almost         
fruitless labors  and fatigues1 and     
after my rising hopes had been so often 
frustrated  among these poor pagans1    
give me any special success in my labors
 with  them1 ,i could not believe1 and  
scarcely dared to hope1 that the event  
would be so happy2 and scarcely ever    
found myself more suspended between     
hope and fear in any affair1 or at any  
time1 than in this4    8,this           
encouraging disposition1 and readiness  
to receive instruction1 now  apparent   
among the ,indians1 seems to have been  
the happy effect of the  conviction     

which one or two of them met with1 some 
time since1 at the  ,forks of the       
,delaware2 who have since endeavored to 
show their friends  the evil of         
idolatry4 ,though the other ,indians    
seemed but little to  regard1 and rather
 to deride them2 yet this1 perhaps1 has 
put them into  a thinking posture of    
mind1 or at least given them some       
thoughts about  ,christianity1 and      
excited in some of them a curiosity to  
hear2 and so  made way for the present  
encouraging attention4 ,an apprehension 
that  this might be the case here1 has  
given me encouragement that ,god may1 in
  such a manner1 bless the means which  
,i have used with the ,indians in  other
 places2 where1 as yet there is no      
appearance of it4 ,if so1 may his  name 
have the glory of it2 for ,i have       
learnt1 by experience1 that he  only can
 open the ear1 engage the attention1 and
 incline the hearts of  poor benighted1 
prejudiced pagans1 to receive           
instruction40               ,forks of   

,delaware1 in ,pennsylvania1 ,july1     
#agde4    ,lord's day1 ,july            
#ad4--8;,discoursed to the ,indians     
twice4 ,several of them  appeared       
concerned1 and were1 ,i have reason to  
think1 in some measure  convinced1 by   
the ,divine ,spirit1 of their sin and   
misery2 so that they  wept much the     
whole time of divine service4 ,afterward
 discoursed to a  number of white people
 then present4    ,july #ah4--8,preached
 to my people1 who attended diligently  
beyond what  had been common among these
 ,indians2 and some of them appeared    
concerned  for their souls4    ,lord's  
day1 ,july #ba4--8,preached to the      
,indians first1 then to a number  of    
white people present2 and in the        
afternoon to the ,indians again4        
,divine truth seemed to make very       
considerable impressions upon several   
of them1 and caused the tears to flow   
freely4    8,on this day my interpreter 
and his wife publicly professed their   
faith in ,christ1 being the first       

hopeful converts among the ,indians4    
,they have both been awakened to a      
solemn concern for their souls2 have1   
to appearance1 been brought to a sense  
of their misery and undoneness  in      
themselves2 have both appeared to be    
comforted with divine  consolations2 and
 it is apparent that both have passed a 
great1 and ,i  cannot but hope1 a saving
 change4    8,it may perhaps be         
satisfactory and agreeable1 that ,i     
should give some  ,,brief ,,relation    
,,of ,,this ,,man',s ,,exercises ,,and  
,,experience since he has been  with me2
 especially since he is employed as my  
interpreter to others4  ,when ,i first  
employed him in this business1 in the   
beginning of the  summer of #agdd1 he   
was well fitted for his work1 in regard 
to his  acquaintance with the ,indian   
and ,english languages1 as well as with 
the  manners of both nations2 and in    
respect to his desire that the ,indians 
should conform to the manners and       
customs of the ,english1 and especially 

to their manner of living4 ,but he      
seemed to have little or no impression  
of religion upon his mind1 and in that  
respect was very unfit for his  work2   
being incapable of understanding and    
communicating to others many  things of 
importance1 so that ,i labored under    
great disadvantages in  addressing the  
,indians1 for want of his having an     
experimental1 as well  as more doctrinal
 acquaintance with divine truths2 and1  
at times1 my  spirits sunk1 and ,i was  
much discouraged under this difficulty2 
especially when ,i observed that divine 
truth made little or no  impression upon
 his mind for many weeks together4 ,he  
indeed behaved  soberly after ,i        
employed him2 although before he had    
been a hard  drinker1 and seemed        
honestly engaged1 as far as he was      
capable1 in the  performance of his     
work4 ,especially he appeared very      
desirous that the  ,indians should      
renounce their heathenish notions and   
practices1 and  conform to the customs  

of the ,christian world4 ,but still he  
seemed to  have no concern about his own
 soul1 until he had been with me a      
considerable time4    8,near the latter 
end of ,july1 #agdd1 ,i preached to an  
assembly of white  people1 with more    
freedom and fervency than ,i could      
possibly address the  ,indians with1    
without their having first obtained a   
greater measure of  doctrinal knowledge4
 ,at this time he was present1 and was  
somewhat  awakened to a concern for his 
soul2 so that the next day he discoursed
  freely with me about his spiritual    
concerns1 and gave me an opportunity  to
 use further endeavors to fasten the    
impressions of his perishing  state upon
 his mind4 ,i could plainly perceive1   
for some time after this1  that he      
addressed the ,indians with more concern
 and fervency than he had  formerly     
done4    8,but these impressions seemed 
quickly to decline2 and he remained in a
  great measure careless and secure1    
until some time late in the autumn of   

the year following2 when he fell into a 
weak and languishing state of  body1 and
 continued much disordered for several  
weeks together4 ,at this  season divine 
truth took hold of him1 and made deep   
impressions upon his  mind4 ,he was     
brought under great concern for his     
soul2 and his exercises  were not now   
transient and unsteady1 but constant and
 abiding1 so that  his mind was burdened
 from day to day2 and it was now his    
great inquiry1  #8,what he should do to 
be saved8' ,this spiritual trouble      
prevailed1 until  his sleep in a great  
measure departed from him1 and he had   
little rest  day or night2 but walked   
about under great pressure of mind1 for 
he was  still able to walk1 and appeared
 like another man to his neighbors1 who 
could not but observe his behavior with 
wonder4 ,after he had been some  time   
under this exercise1 while he was       
striving to obtain mercy1 he says  there
 seemed to be an impassable mountain    
before him4 ,he was pressing  toward    

heaven1 as he thought2 but #8his way was
 hedged up with thorns1 so  that he     
could not stir an inch further4' ,he    
looked this way1 and that  way1 but     
could find no way at all4 ,he thought if
 he could but make his  way through     
these thorns and briers1 and climb up   
the first steep pitch  of the mountain1 
that then there might be hope for him2  
but no way or  means could he find to   
accomplish this4 ,here he labored for a 
time1 but  all in vain4 ,he saw it was  
impossible1 he says1 for him ever to    
help  himself through this insupportable
 difficulty--#8,it signified just       
nothing  at all for him to struggle and 
strive any more4' ,here1 he says1 he    
gave  over striving1 and felt that it   
was a gone case with him as to his own  
power1 and that all his attempts were1  
and for ever would be1 vain and         
fruitless4 ,yet he was more calm and    
composed under this view of things1     
than he had been while striving to help 
himself4    8,while he was giving me    

this account of his exercises1 ,i was   
not without  fears that what he related 
was but the working of his own          
imagination1  and not the effect of any 
divine illumination of mind4 ,but before
 ,i  had time to discover my fears1 he  
added1 that at this time he felt        
himself in a miserable and perishing    
condition2 that he saw plainly what  he 
had been doing all his days2 and that he
 had #8never done one good  thing1' as  
he expressed it4 ,he knew he was not    
guilty of some wicked  actions of which 
he knew some others guilty4 ,he had not 
been accustomed  to steal1 quarrel1 and 
murder2 the latter of which vices are   
common  among the ,indians4 ,he likewise
 knew that he had done many things that 
were right2 he had been kind to his     
neighbors1 c4 ,but still his cry  was1  
that #8he had never done one good       
thing2' meaning that he had  never done 
any thing from a right principle1 and   
with a right view4  #8,and now ,i       
thought1' said he1 #8that ,i must sink  

down to hell2 that there  was no hope   
for me1 because ,i never could do any   
thing that was good3  and if ,god let me
 alone ever so long1 and ,i should try  
ever so much1  still ,i should do       
nothing but what is bad4'    8,this     
further account of his exercises        
satisfied me that it was not the  mere  
working of his imagination1 since he    
appeared so evidently to die  to        
himself1 and to be divorced from a      
dependence upon his own  righteousness  
and good deeds1 to which mankind in a   
fallen state are so  much attached1 and 
upon which they are so ready to hope for
 salvation4    8,there was one thing    
more in his view of things at this time1
 which was  very remarkable4 ,he not    
only saw1 he says1 what a miserable     
state he  himself was in2 but he        
likewise saw that the world around him1 
in  general1 were in the same perishing 
circumstances1 notwithstanding the      
profession which many of them made of   
,christianity1 and the hope which  they 

entertained of obtaining everlasting    
happiness4 ,this he saw  clearly1 #8as  
if he was now waked out of sleep1 or had
 a cloud taken from  his eyes4' ,he saw 
that the life which he had lived was the
 way to  eternal death1 that he was now 
on the brink of endless misery2 and when
  he looked around he saw multitudes of 
others1 who had lived the same  life    
with himself1 persons who had no more   
goodness than he1 and yet  dreamed that 
they were safe enough1 as he had        
formerly done4 ,he was  fully persuaded1
 by their conversation and behavior1    
that they had never  felt their sin and 
misery1 as he now felt his4    8,after  
he had been for some time in this       
condition1 sensible of the              
impossibility of helping himself by any 
thing he could do1 or of being          
delivered by any created arm2 so that he
 had #8given up all for lost1'  as to   
his own attempts1 and was become more   
calm and composed2 then1 he  says1 it   
was borne in upon his mind1 as if it had

 been audibly spoken to  him1 #8,there  
is hope1 there is hope4' ,whereupon his 
soul seemed to rest1  and be in some    
measure satisfied1 though he had no     
considerable joy4    8,he cannot here   
remember distinctly any views he had of 
,christ1 or give  any clear account of  
his soul's acceptance of him1 which     
makes his  experience appear the more   
doubtful1 and renders it less           
satisfactory to  himself and others than
 it might be if he could remember       
distinctly the  apprehensions and       
actings of his mind at this season4 ,but
 these  exercises of soul were attended 
and followed with a very great change in
  the man2 so that it might justly be   
said he was become another man1 if  not 
a new man4 ,his conversation and        
deportment were much altered2 and  even 
the careless world could not but wonder 
what had befallen him1 to  make so great
 a change in his temper1 discourse1 and 
behavior4  ,especially there was a      
surprising alteration in his public     

performances4  ,he now addressed the    
,indians with admirable fervency1 and   
scarcely knew  when to leave off4       
,sometimes1 when ,i had concluded my    
discourse and was  returning homeward1  
he would tarry behind to repeat and     
inculcate what  had been spoken4        
8,his change is abiding1 and his life1  
so far as ,i know1 unblemished to  this 
day2 though it is now more than six     
months since he experienced  this       
change2 in which space of time he has   
been as much exposed to  strong drink as
 possible1 in divers places where it has
 been moving as  free as water2 and yet 
has never1 that ,i know of1 discovered  
any  hankering desire after it4 ,he     
seems to have a very considerable       
experience of spiritual exercise1 and   
discourses feelingly of the  conflicts  
and consolations of a real ,christian4  
,his heart echoes to the  soul-humbling 
doctrines of grace1 and he never appears
 better pleased  than when he hears of  
the absolute sovereignty of ,god1 and   

the salvation  of sinners in a way of   
mere free grace4 ,he has lately had also
 more  satisfaction respecting his own  
state and has been much enlightened and 
assisted in his work2 so that he has    
been a great comfort to me4    8,after a
 strict observation of his serious and  
savory conversation1 his  christian     
temper1 and unblemished behavior for    
such a length of time1 as  well as his  
experience1 of which ,i have given an   
account2 ,i think that ,i  have reason  
to hope that he is #8created anew in    
,christ ,jesus to good  works4' ,his    
name is ,,moses ,,finda ,,fautaury4 ,he 
is about fifty years of  age1 and is    
pretty well acquainted with the pagan   
notions and customs of  his countrymen2 
and so is the better able now to expose 
them4 ,he has1 ,i  am persuaded1 already
 been1 and ,i trust will yet be1 a      
blessing to the  other ,indians4        
,july #bc4--8,preached to the ,indians1 
but had few hearers3 ,those who are     
constantly at home1 seem1 of late1 to be

 under some impressions of a  religious 
nature4    ,july #cj4--8;,discoursed to 
a number of my people1 and gave them    
some  particular advice and direction2  
being now about to leave them for the   
present1 in order to renew my visit to  
the ,indians in ,new-,jersey4 ,they     
were very attentive to my discourse1 and
 earnestly desirous to know when  ,i    
designed to return to them again40      
,crossweeksung1 7,new-,jersey17 ,august1
 #agde4    ,aug4 #c4--8;,i visited the  
,indians in these parts in ,june last1  
and  tarried with them a considerable   
time1 preaching almost daily2 at which  
season ,god was pleased to pour upon    
them a spirit of awakening and  concern 
for them souls1 and surprisingly to     
engage their attention to  divine       
truths4 ,i now found them serious1 and a
 number of them under deep  concern for 
an interest in ,christ4 ,their          
convictions of their sinful and         
perishing state were1 in my absence from
 them1 much promoted by the  labors and 

endeavors of ,rev4 ,,william ,,tennent2 
to whom ,i had advised them  to apply   
for direction2 and whose house they     
frequented much while ,i was  gone4 ,i  
preached to them this day with some view
 to ,rev4 #bb3ag4 #8,and  whosoever     
will1 let him take of the water of life 
freely2' though ,i  could not pretend to
 handle the subject methodically among  
them4 ,the  ,lord1 ,i am persuaded1     
enabled me1 in a manner somewhat        
uncommon1 to set  before them the ,lord 
,jesus ,christ as a kind and            
compassionate ,savior1  inviting        
distressed and perishing sinners to     
accept everlasting mercy4 ,a  surprising
 concern soon became apparent among     
them4 ,there were about  twenty adult   
persons together2 many of the ,indians  
at remote places not  having as yet had 
time to come since my return hither2 and
 not above two  that ,i could see with  
dry eyes4    8,some were much concerned1
 and discovered vehement longings of    
soul  after ,christ1 to save them from  

the misery they felt and feared4        
,lord's day1 ,aug4 #d4--8;,being invited
 by a neighboring minister to assist  in
 the administration of the ,lord's      
supper1 ,i complied with his request1   
and took the ,indians along with me2 not
 only those who were together the  day  
before1 but many more who were coming to
 hear me2 so that there were  nearly    
fifty in all1 old and young4 ,they      
attended the several discourses  of the 
day2 and some of them1 who could        
understand ,english1 were much          
affected2 and all seemed to have their  
concern in some measure raised4    8,now
 a change in their manners began to     
appear very visible4 ,in the  evening1  
when they came to sup together they     
would not taste a morsel  until they had
 sent to me to come and supplicate a    
blessing on their  food2 at which time  
sundry of them wept2 especially when ,i 
reminded them  how they had in times    
past eat their feasts in honor to       
devils1 and  neglected to thank ,god for

 them4    ,august #e4--8;,after a sermon
 had been preached by another minister1 
,i  preached1 and concluded the public  
work of the solemnity from ,john1       
#g3cg2 and in my discourse addressed the
 ,indians in particular1 who sat  in a  
part of the house by themselves2 at     
which time one or two of them  were     
struck with deep concern1 as they       
afterward told me1 who had been  little 
affected before2 and others had their   
concern increased to a  considerable    
degree4 ,in the evening1 the greater    
part of them being at  the house where  
,i lodged1 ,i discoursed to them1 and   
found them  universally engaged about   
their soul's concerns2 inquiring #8what 
they  should do to be saved4' ,all their
 conversation among themselves turned   
upon religious matters1 in which they   
were assisted by my ,interpreter1  who  
was with them day and night4    8,this  
day there was one woman1 who had been   
much concerned for her soul  ever since 
she first heard me preach in ,june last1

 who obtained comfort1  ,i trust1 solid 
and well grounded4 ,she seemed to be    
filled with love to  ,christ4 ,at the   
same time she behaved humbly and        
tenderly1 and appeared  afraid of       
nothing so much as of offending and     
grieving him whom her soul  loved4      
,aug4 #f4--8;,in the morning ,i         
discoursed to the ,indians at the house 
where  we lodged4 ,many of them were    
much affected1 and appeared surprisingly
  tender2 so that a few words about the 
concerns of their souls would  cause the
 tears to flow freely1 and produce many 
sobs and groans4 ,in the  afternoon they
 being returned to the place where ,i   
had usually preached  among them1 ,i    
again discoursed to them there4 ,there  
were about  fifty-five persons in all2  
about forty that were capable of        
attending ,divine service with          
understanding4 ,i insisted on #a ,john1 
#d3aj4  #8,herein is love4' c4 ,they    
seemed eager of hearing2 but there      
appeared  nothing very remarkable1      

except their attention1 till near the   
close of  my discourse2 and then ,divine
 truth was attended with a surprising   
influence1 and produced a great concern 
among them4 ,there were scarcely  three 
in forty who could refrain from tears   
and bitter cries4 ,they  all as one     
seemed in an agony of soul to obtain an 
interest in ,christ2  and the more ,i   
discoursed of the love and compassion of
 ,god in sending  his ,son to suffer for
 the sins of men2 and the more ,i       
invited them to  come and partake of his
 love2 the more their distress was      
aggravated1  because they felt          
themselves unable to come4 ,it was      
surprising to see  how their hearts     
seemed to be pierced with the tender and
 melting  invitations of the ,gospel1   
when there was not a word of terror     
spoken to  them4    8,there were this   
day two persons who obtained relief and 
comfort2 which1  when ,i came to        
discourse with them particularly1       
appeared solid1  rational1 and          

scriptural4 ,after ,i had inquired into 
the grounds of their  comfort1 and said 
many things which ,i thought proper to  
them2 ,i asked  them what they wanted   
that ,god should do farther for them8   
,they replied1  #8they wanted ,christ   
should wipe their hearts quite clean1'  
c4 ,so  surprising were now the doings  
of the ,lord1 that ,i can say no less of
  this day1 and ,i need say no more of  
it1 than that the arm of the ,lord  was 
powerfully and marvellously revealed in 
it4    ,aug4 #g4--8,preached to the     
,indians from ,isaiah1 #ec3c-aj4 ,there 
was a  remarkable influence attending   
the word1 and great concern in the      
assembly2 but scarcely equal to what    
appeared the day before1 that is1  not  
quite so universal4 ,however1 most were 
much affected1 and many in  great       
distress for their souls2 and some few  
could neither go nor stand1  but lay    
flat on the ground1 as if pierced at    
heart1 crying incessantly  for mercy4   
,several were newly awakened2 and it was

 remarkable that as  fast as they came  
from remote places round about1 the     
,spirit of ,god  seemed to seize them   
with concern for their souls4 ,after    
public service  was concluded ,i found  
two persons more who had newly met with 
comfort1  of whom ,i had good hopes2 and
 a third of whom ,i could not but       
entertain  some hopes1 whose case did   
not appear so clear as the others2 so   
that  there were now six in all1 who had
 got some relief from their spiritual   
distresses2 and five whose experience   
appeared very clear and  satisfactory4  
,it is worthy of remark1 that those who 
obtained comfort  first were in general 
deeply affected with concern for their  
souls when  ,i preached to them in ,june
 last4    ,aug4 #h4--8;,in the afternoon
 ,i preached to the ,indians1 their     
number was  now about sixty-five        
persons2 men1 women1 and children4 ,i   
discoursed  upon ,luke #ad3af-bc1 and   
was favored with uncommon freedom4      
,there was  much visible concern among  

them while ,i was discoursing publicly2 
but  afterward1 when ,i spoke to one and
 another more particularly1 whom ,i     
perceived under much concern1 the power 
of ,god seemed to descend upon  the     
assembly #8like a mighty rushing wind1' 
and with an astonishing  energy bore    
down all before it4 ,i stood amazed at  
the influence which  seized the audience
 almost universally2 and could compare  
it to nothing  more aptly than the      
irresistible force of a mighty torrent1 
or swelling  deluge1 that with its      
insupportable weight and pressure bears 
down and  sweeps before it whatever is  
in its way4 ,almost all persons of all  
ages  were bowed down with concern      
together1 and scarcely one was able to  
withstand the shock of this surprising  
operation4 ,old men and women who  had  
been drunken wretches for many years1   
and some little children not  more than 
six or seven years of age1 appeared in  
distress for their  souls1 as well as   
persons of middle age4 ,it was apparent 

that these  children1 some of them at   
least1 were not merely frightened with  
seeing  the general concern1 but were   
made sensible of their danger1 the      
badness  of their hearts1 and their     
misery without ,christ1 as some of them 
expressed it4 ,the most stubborn hearts 
were now obliged to bow4 ,a  principal  
man among the ,indians1 who before was  
most secure and  self-righteous1 and    
thought his state good1 because he knew 
more than  the generality of the        
,indians had formerly done2 and who with
 a great  degree of confidence the day  
before told me #8he had been a          
,christian  more than ten years2' was   
now brought under solemn concern for his
 soul1  and wept bitterly4 ,another man 
advanced in years1 who had been a       
murderer1 a powaw or conjurer1 and a    
notorious drunkard1 was likewise        
brought now to cry for mercy with many  
tears1 and to complain much that  he    
could be no more concerned1 when he saw 
his danger so very great4    8,they were

 almost universally praying and crying  
for mercy in every part  of the house1  
and many out of doors2 and numbers could
 neither go nor  stand4 ,their concern  
was so great1 each one for himself1 that
 none  seemed to take any notice of     
those about them1 but each prayed freely
  for himself4 ,i am led to think they  
were1 to their own apprehensions1 as    
much retired as if they had been        
individually by themselves1 in the      
thickest desert2 or ,i believe rather   
that they thought about nothing but     
themselves1 and their own state1 and so 
were every one praying apart1  although 
all together4 ,it seemed to me that     
there was now an exact  fulfilment of   
that prophecy1 ,zech4 #ab3aj1 #aa1 #ab2 
for there was now #8a  great mourning1  
like the mourning of ,hadadrimmon2'--and
 each seemed to  #8mourn apart4'        
,methought this had a near resemblance  
to the day of ,god's  power1 mentioned  
in ,josh4 #aj3ad2 for ,i must say ,i    
never saw any day  like it1 in all      

respects3 it was a day wherein ,i am    
persuaded the ,lord  did much to destroy
 the kingdom of darkness among this     
people4    8,this concern1 in general1  
was most rational and just4 ,those who  
had  been awakened any considerable     
time1 complained more especially of the 
badness of their hearts2 and those who  
were newly awakened1 of the  badness of 
their lives and actions2 and all were   
afraid of the anger  of ,god1 and of    
everlasting misery as the desert of     
their sins4 ,some of  the white people  
who came out of curiosity to hear what  
#8this babbler  would say' to the poor  
ignorant ,indians1 were much awakened2  
and some  appeared to be wounded with a 
view of their perishing state4 ,those   
who  had lately obtained relief1 were   
filled with comfort at this season4     
,they appeared calm and composed1 and   
seemed to rejoice in ,christ ,jesus4    
,some of them took their distressed     
friends by the hand1 telling them of    
the goodness of ,christ1 and the comfort

 that is to be enjoyed in him2  and     
thence invited them to come and give up 
their hearts to him4 ,i could  observe  
some of them1 in the most honest and    
unaffected manner1 without  any design  
of being taken notice of1 lifting up    
their eyes to heaven1 as  if crying for 
mercy1 while they saw the distress of   
the poor souls  around them4 ,there was 
one remarkable instance of awakening    
this day  which ,i cannot fail to notice
 here4 ,a young ,indian woman1 who1 ,i  
believe1 never knew before that she had 
a soul1 nor ever thought of any  such   
thing1 hearing that there was something 
strange among the ,indians1  came1 it   
seems1 to see what was the matter4 ,in  
her way to the ,indians  she called at  
my lodgings2 and when ,i told her that  
,i designed presently  to preach to the 
,indians1 laughed1 and seemed to mock2  
but went however  to them4 ,i had not   
proceeded far in my public discourse    
before she felt  effectually that she   
had a soul2 and before ,i had concluded 

my discourse  was so convinced of her   
sin and misery1 and so distressed with  
concern  for her soul's salvation1 that 
she seemed like one pierced through with
  a dart1 and cried out incessantly4    
,she could neither go nor stand1 nor    
sit on her seat without being held up4  
,after public service was over she  lay 
flat on the ground1 praying earnestly1  
and would take no notice of1  nor give  
any answer to any who spoke to her4 ,i  
hearkened to what she  said1 and        
perceived the burden of her prayer to   
be1 #8,guttummauhalummeh  wechaumeh     
kmeleh ,nolah1' i4 e4 #8,have mercy on  
me1 and help me to give  you my heart4' 
,thus she continued praying incessantly 
for many hours  together4 ,this was     
indeed a surprising day of ,god's power1
 and seemed  enough to convince an      
,atheist of the truth1 importance1 and  
power of  ,god's word4    ,aug4         
#i4--8,spent almost the whole day with  
the ,indians2 the former part  of it in 
discoursing to many of them privately1  

and especially to some  who had lately  
received comfort1 and endeavoring to    
inquire into the  grounds of it1 as well
 as to give them some proper            
instructions1  cautions and directions4 
8,in the afternoon discoursed to them   
publicly4 ,there were now present  about
 seventy persons1 old and young4 ,i     
opened and applied the parable  of the  
sower1 ,matt4 #ac4 ,was enabled to      
discourse with much plainness1  and     
found afterward that this discourse was 
very instructive to them4  ,there were  
many tears among them while ,i was      
discoursing publicly1 but  no           
considerable cry2 yet some were much    
affected with a few words spoken  from  
,matt4 #aa3bh1 #8,come unto me all ye   
that labor1' c4 with which ,i  concluded
 my discourse4 ,but1 while ,i was       
discoursing near night to two  or three 
of the awakened persons1 a ,divine      
influence seemed to attend  what was    
spoken to them in a powerful manner1    
which caused the persons  to cry out in 

anguish of soul1 although ,i spoke not a
 word of terror1  but on the contrary1  
set before them the fullness and        
all-sufficiency of  ,christ's merits1   
and his willingness to save all that    
come to him1 and  thereupon pressed them
 to come without delay4 ,the cry of     
these was soon  heard by others1 who1   
though scattered before1 immediately    
gathered  round4 ,i then proceeded in   
the same strain of gospel invitation1   
till  they were all melted into tears   
and cries except two or three2 and      
seemed in the greatest distress to find 
and secure an interest in the  great    
,redeemer4 ,some who had little more    
than a ruffle made in their  passions   
the day before1 seemed now to be deeply 
affected and wounded at  heart2 and the 
concern in general appeared nearly as   
prevalent as the  day before4 ,there was
 indeed a very great mourning among     
them1 and yet  every one seemed to mourn
 apart4 ,for so great was their concern1
 that  almost every one was praying and 

crying for himself1 as if none had been 
near4 #8,guttummauhalummeh2             
,guttummauhalummeh1' i4 e4 #8,have mercy
 upon  #8me2 mercy upon me1' was the    
common cry4 ,it was very affecting to   
see  the poor ,indians1 who the other   
day were hallooing and yelling in their 
idolatrous feasts and drunken frolics1  
now crying to ,god with such            
importunity for an interest in his dear 
,son6 ,found two or three persons  who1 
,i had reason to hope1 had taken comfort
 upon good grounds since the  evening   
before2 and these1 with others who had  
obtained comfort1 were  together1 and   
seemed to rejoice much that ,god was    
carrying on his work  with such power   
upon others4    ,august #aj4--8,rode to 
the ,indians1 and began to discourse    
more privately  to those who had        
obtained comfort and satisfaction2      
endeavoring to  instruct1 direct1       
caution1 and comfort them4 ,but others1 
being eager of  hearing every word which
 related to spiritual concerns1 soon    

came  together one after another2 and1  
when ,i had discoursed to the young     
converts more than half an hour1 they   
seemed much melted with divine  things1 
and earnestly desirous to be with       
,christ4 ,i told them of the  godly     
soul's perfect purity and full enjoyment
 of ,christ1 immediately  upon its      
separation from the body2 and that it   
would be for ever  inconceivably more   
happy than they had ever been for any   
short space  of time1 when ,christ      
seemed near to them in prayer or other  
duties4 ,that  ,i might make way for    
speaking of the resurrection of the     
body1 and  thence of the complete       
blessedness of the man2 ,i said1 #8,but 
perhaps some  of you will say1 ,i love  
my body as well as my soul1 and ,i      
cannot bear to  think that my body shall
 lie dead1 if my soul is happy4' ,to    
which they  all cheerfully replied1     
#8,muttoh1 ,muttoh2' before ,i had      
opportunity to  prosecute what ,i       
designed respecting the resurrection2 i4

 e4 #8,no1 ,no1'  ,they did not regard  
their bodies1 if their souls might be   
with  ,christ4 ,then they appeared      
willing to be absent from the body1 that
 they  might be present with the ,lord4 
8,when ,i had spent some time with them 
,i turned to the other ,indians1 and    
spoke to them from ,luke1 #ai3aj4 #8,for
 the ,son of man is come to seek and  to
 save that which was lost4 ,i had not   
discoursed long before their  concern   
rose to a great degree1 and the house   
was filled with cries and  groans4 ,when
 ,i insisted on the compassion and care 
of the ,lord ,jesus  ,christ for those  
that were lost1 who thought themselves  
undone1 and  could find no way of       
escape2 this melted them down the more1 
and  aggravated their distress1 that    
they could not find and come to so kind 
a ,savior4    8,sundry persons1 who     
before had been slightly awakened1 were 
now deeply  wounded with a sense of     
their sin and misery4 ,one man in       
particular1 who  was never before       

awakened1 was now made to feel that     
#8the word of the  ,lord was quick and  
powerful1 sharper than any two-edged    
sword4' ,he  seemed to be pierced at    
heart with distress1 and his concern    
appeared  rational and scriptural1 for  
he said that #8all the wickedness of his
  past life was brought fresh to his    
remembrance1 and that he saw all the    
vile actions he had done formerly1 as if
 done but yesterday4'    8,found one who
 had newly received comfort1 after      
pressing distress from  day to day4     
,could not but rejoice and admire the   
divine goodness in what  appeared this  
day4 ,there seems to be some good done  
by every discourse2  some newly awakened
 every day1 and some comforted4 ,it was 
refreshing to  observe the conduct of   
those who obtained comfort3 while others
 were  distressed with fear and concern1
 they were lifting up their hearts to   
,god for them4    ,lord's day1 ,aug4    
#aa4--8;,discoursed in the forenoon from
 the parable of  the ,prodigal ,son4    

,luke1 #ae4 ,observed no such remarkable
 effect of the  word upon the assembly  
as in days past4 ,there were numbers of 
careless  spectators from the white     
people1 of various characters4 ,in the  
afternoon ,i discoursed upon a part of  
,peter's sermon4 ,acts1 #b4 ,and at  the
 close of my discourse to the ,indians1 
made an address to the white  people2   
and divine truth seemed then to be      
attended with power1 both to  ,english  
and ,indians4 ,several of the white     
heathen were awakened1 and  could not   
longer be idle spectators2 but found    
they had souls to save or  lose as well 
as the ,indians2 and a great concern    
spread through the  whole assembly2 so  
that this also appeared to be a day of  
,god's power1  especially toward the    
conclusion of it1 although the influence
 attending  the word seemed scarcely so 
powerful now as in some days past4      
8,the number of ,indians1 old and young1
 was now upward of seventy2 and  one or 
two were newly awakened this day who    

never had appeared to be  moved with    
concern for their souls before4 ,those  
who had obtained relief  and comfort1   
and had given hopeful evidences of      
having passed a saving  change1 appeared
 humble and devout1 and behaved in an   
agreeable and  ,christian-like manner4  
,i was refreshed to see the tenderness  
of  conscience manifest in some of them2
 one instance of which ,i cannot but    
notice4 ,perceiving one of them very    
sorrowful in the morning1 ,i inquired   
into the cause of her sorrow1 and found 
the difficulty was1 that she had  been  
angry with her child the evening before1
 and was now exercised with  fears lest 
her anger had been inordinate and       
sinful2 which so grieved  her that she  
awoke and began to sob before day light1
 and continued  weeping for several     
hours together4    ,august #ad4--8,spent
 the day with the ,indians4 ,there was  
one of them who  had some time since put
 away his wife1 as is common among them1
 and  taken another woman2 and being now

 brought under some serious             
impressions1 was much concerned about   
that affair in particular1 and  seemed  
fully convinced of the wickedness of the
 practice1 and earnestly  desirous to   
know what ,god would have him to do in  
his present  circumstances4 ,when the   
law of ,god respecting marriage had been
 opened  to them1 and the cause of his  
leaving his wife inquired into1 and when
  it appeared that she had given him no 
just occasion1 by unchastity1 to  desert
 her1 and that she was willing to       
forgive his past misconduct and  to live
 peaceably with him for the future1 and 
that she1 moreover1  insisted on it as  
her right to live with him2 he was then 
told that it  was his indispensable duty
 to renounce the woman whom he had last 
taken1  and receive the other1 who was  
his proper wife1 and live peaceably with
  her during life4 ,with this he readily
 and cheerfully complied2 and  thereupon
 publicly renounced the woman he had    
last taken1 and promised  to live with  

and be kind to his wife during life2 she
 also promising the  same to him4 ,here 
appeared a clear demonstration of the   
power of ,god's  word upon their hearts4
 ,i suppose a few weeks before the whole
 world  could not have persuaded this   
man to a compliance with ,christian     
rules  in this affair4    8,i was not   
without fears that this proceeding might
 be like putting #8new  wine into old   
bottles2' and that some might be        
prejudiced against  ,christianity1 when 
they saw the demands made by it4 ,but   
the man being  much concerned about the 
matter1 the determination of it could be
  deferred no longer2 and it seemed to  
have a good1 rather than an ill  effect 
among the ,indians1 who generally owned 
that the laws of ,christ  were good and 
right respecting the affairs of         
marriage4 ,in the afternoon  ,i preached
 to them from the apostle's discourse to
 ,cornelius4 ,acts1  #aj3cd4 ,there     
appeared some affectionate concern among
 them1 though not  equal to what        

appeared in several of the former days4 
,they still  attended and heard as for  
their lives1 and the ,lord's work seemed
 still  to be promoted and propagated   
among them4    ,august #ae4--8,preached 
from ,luke1 #d3af-ba4 ,the word was     
attended with  power upon the hearts of 
the hearers4 ,there was much concern1   
many  tears1 and affecting cries among  
them2 and some were deeply wounded and  
distressed for their souls4 ,there were 
some newly awakened who came but  this  
week1 and convictions seemed to be      
promoted in others4 ,those who  had     
received comfort1 were likewise         
refreshed and strengthened2 and the     
work of grace appeared to advance in all
 respects4 ,the passions of the         
congregation in general were not so much
 moved as in some days past2 but  their 
hearts seemed as solemnly and deeply    
affected with divine truth  as ever1 at 
least in many instances1 although the   
concern did not seem  so universal1 and 
to reach every individual in such a     

manner as it  appeared to do some days  
before4    ,august #af4--8,spent        
considerable time in conversing with the
 ,indians4  ,found one who had got      
relief and comfort after pressing       
concern2 and  could not but hope1 when  
,i came to discourse particularly with  
her1 that  her comfort was of the right 
kind4 ,in the afternoon ,i preached to  
them  from ,john1 #f3bf-cd4 ,toward the 
close of my discourse divine truth was  
attended with considerable power upon   
the audience1 and more especially  after
 public service was over1 when ,i       
particularly addressed several          
distressed persons4    8,there was a    
great concern for their souls spread    
pretty generally among  them2 but       
especially there were two persons newly 
awakened to a sense of  their sin and   
misery2 one of whom was lately come1 and
 the other had all  along been very     
attentive and desirous of being         
awakened1 but could  never before have  
any lively view of her perishing state4 

,now her  concern and spiritual distress
 was such1 that ,i thought ,i had never 
seen  any more pressing4 ,a number of   
old men were also in distress for  their
 souls2 so that they could not refrain  
from weeping and crying  aloud2 and     
their bitter groans were the most       
convincing as well as  affecting        
evidences of the reality and depth of   
their inward anguish4  ,god is          
powerfully at work among them4 ,true and
 genuine convictions of  sin are daily  
promoted in many instances2 and some are
 newly awakened  from time to time2     
although some few1 who felt a commotion 
in their  passions in days past1 seem   
now to discover that their hearts were  
never duly affected4 ,i never saw the   
work of ,god appear so independent  of  
means as at this time4 ,i discoursed to 
the people1 and spake what ,i  suppose  
had a proper tendency to promote        
convictions2 but ,god's manner  of      
working upon them seemed so entirely    
supernatural1 and above means1  that ,i 

could scarcely believe he used me as an 
instrument1 or what ,i  spake as means  
of carrying on his work4 ,for it        
appeared1 as ,i thought1  to have no    
connection with or dependence on means  
in any respect4 ,though  ,i could not   
but continue to use the means1 which ,i 
thought proper for  the promotion of the
 work1 yet ,god seemed1 as ,i           
apprehended1 to work  entirely without  
them4 ,i seemed to do nothing1 and      
indeed to have  nothing to do1 but to   
#8stand still1 and see the salvation of 
,god2' and  found myself obliged and    
delighted to say1 #8,not unto us1' not  
unto  instruments and means1 #8but to   
thy name be glory4' ,god appeared to    
work  entirely alone1 and ,i saw no room
 to attribute any part of this work to  
any created arm4    ,aug4 #ag4--8,spent 
much time in private conferences with   
the ,indians4  ,found one who had newly 
obtained relief and comfort1 after a    
long season  of spiritual trouble and   
distress2 he having been one of my      

hearers at  the ,forks of ,delaware for 
more than a year1 and now having        
followed me  here under deep concern for
 his soul2 and had abundant reason to   
hope  that his comfort was well         
grounded1 and truly divine4    ,lord's  
day1 ,aug4 #ah4--8,preached in the      
forenoon to a mixed assembly of  white  
people1 of divers denominations4        
,afterward preached to the  ,indians1   
from ,john #f3ce-dj4 ,there was         
considerable concern visible among      
them1 though not equal to what has      
frequently appeared of late4    ,aug4   
#ai4--8,preached from ,isaiah1 #ee3a4   
#8,ho every one that thirsteth4'        
,divine truth was attended with power   
upon those who had received  comfort1   
and others also4 ,the former sweetly    
melted and refreshed with  divine       
invitations2 the latter much concerned  
for their souls1 that they  might obtain
 an interest in these glorious gospel   
provisions which were  set before them4 
,there were numbers of poor impotent    

souls that waited  at the pool for      
healing2 and the angel seemed1 as at    
other times of  late1 to trouble the    
waters1 so that there was yet a most    
desirable and  comfortable prospect of  
the spiritual recovery of diseased      
perishing  sinners4    ,aug             
#bc4--8,spent some time with the        
,indians in private discourse2 and      
afterward preached to them from ,john1  
#f3dd-ej4 ,there was1 as has been       
usual1 a great attention1 and some      
affection among them4 ,several  appeared
 deeply concerned for their souls1 and  
could not but express  their inward     
anguish by tears and cries4 ,but the    
amazing divine  influence1 which has    
been so powerfully among them in        
general1 seems at  present in some      
degree abated3 at least in regard to its
 universality2  though many who have    
obtained no special comfort still retain
 deep  impressions of divine things4    
,aug4 #bd4--8,spent the forenoon in     
discoursing to some of the ,indians in  

reference to their publicly professing  
,christ4 ,numbers of them seemed to  be 
filled with love to ,god1 delighted with
 the thoughts of giving  themselves up  
to him1 and melted and refreshed with   
the hopes of  enjoying the blessed      
,redeemer4 ,afterward ,i discoursed     
publicly from #a  ,thess4 #d3ac-ag4     
,there was a solemn attention1 and some 
visible concern  and affection in the   
time of public service2 which was       
afterward  increased by some further    
exhortations given to them to come to   
,christ1  and give up their hearts to   
him1 that they might be fitted to       
#8ascend up  and meet him in the air1'  
when he shall #8descend with a shout1   
and the  voice of the archangel4'       
8,there were several ,indians newly     
come1 who thought their state good1  and
 themselves happy1 because they had     
sometimes lived with the white  people  
under gospel light1 had learned to read1
 were civil1 c41  although they appeared
 utter strangers to their own hearts1   

and  altogether unacquainted with the   
power of religion1 as well as with the  
doctrines of grace4 ,with these ,i      
discoursed particularly1 after public   
worship2 and was surprised to see their 
self-righteous disposition1  their      
strong attachment to the covenant of    
works for salvation1 and the  high value
 they put upon their supposed           
attainments4 ,yet after much  discourse1
 one appeared in a measure convinced    
that #8by the deeds of the  law no flesh
 living can be justified2' and wept     
bitterly1 inquiring  #8what he must do  
to be saved4'    8,this was very        
comfortable to others1 who had gained   
some experimental  knowledge of their   
own hearts2 for before they were grieved
 with the  conversation and conduct of  
these new comers1 who boasted of their  
knowledge1 and thought well of          
themselves1 but evidently discovered to 
those who had any experience of divine  
truth1 that they knew nothing of  their 
own hearts4    ,lord's day1 ,aug4       

#be4--8,preached in the forenoon from   
,luke1 #ae3c-g4 ,a  number of white     
people being present1 ,i made an address
 to them at the  close of my discourse  
to the ,indians2 but could not so much  
as keep them  orderly2 for scores of    
them kept walking and gazing about1 and 
behaved  more indecently than any       
,indians ,i have ever addressed4 ,a view
 of their  abusive conduct so sunk my   
spirits1 that ,i could scarcely go on   
with my  work4    8,in the afternoon ,i 
discoursed from ,rev4 #c3bj2 at which   
time fifteen  ,indians made a public    
profession of their faith4 ,after the   
crowd of  spectators was gone ,i called 
them together1 and discoursed to them in
  particular2 at the same time inviting 
others to attend4 ,i reminded them  of  
the solemn obligations they were now    
under to live to ,god2 warned  them of  
the evil and dreadful consequences of   
careless living1  especially after their
 public profession of ,christianity2    
gave them  directions for future        

conduct2 and encouraged them to         
watchfulness and  devotion1 by setting  
before them the comfort and happy       
conclusion of a  religious life4        
8,this was a desirable and sweet season 
indeed6 ,their hearts were engaged  and 
cheerful in duty2 and they rejoiced that
 they had1 in a public and  solemn      
manner1 dedicated themselves to ,god4   
,love seemed to reign among  them6 ,they
 took each other by the hand with       
tenderness and affection1 as  if their  
hearts were knit together1 while ,i was 
discoursing to them2 and  all their     
deportment toward each other was such1  
that a serious  spectator might justly  
be excited to cry out with admiration1  
#8,behold  how they love one another4'  
,numbers of the other ,indians1 on      
seeing and  hearing these things1 were  
much affected1 and wept bitterly2       
longing to  be partakers of the same joy
 and comfort which these discovered by  
their  very countenances as well as     
conduct4    ,aug4 #bf4--8,preached to my

 people from ,john1 #f3ea-ee4 ,after ,i 
had  discoursed some time1 ,i addressed 
them in particular who entertained      
hopes that they were passed from death  
unto life4 ,opened to them the          
persevering nature of those consolations
 which ,christ gives his people1  and   
which ,i trusted he had bestowed upon   
some in that assembly2 showed  them that
 such have already the beginnings of    
eternal life1 and that  their heaven    
shall speedily be completed4    8,i no  
sooner began to discourse in this strain
 than the dear ,christians  in the      
congregation began to be melted with    
affection to1 and desire of  the        
enjoyment of ,christ1 and of a state of 
perfect purity4 ,they wept              
affectionately1 yet joyfully2 and their 
tears and sobs discovered  brokenness of
 heart1 and yet were attended with real 
comfort and  sweetness4 ,it was a       
tender1 affectionate1 humble and        
delightful meeting1  and appeared to be 
the genuine effect of a spirit of       

adoption1 and very  far from that spirit
 of bondage under which they not long   
since labored4  ,the influence seemed to
 spread from these through the whole    
assembly2  and there quickly appeared a 
wonderful concern among them4 ,many1 who
 had  not yet found ,christ as an       
all-sufficient ,savior1 were            
surprisingly  engaged in seeking after  
him4 ,it was indeed a lovely and very   
interesting assembly4 ,their number was 
now about ninety-five persons1  old and 
young1 and almost all affected with joy 
in ,christ ,jesus1 or with  the utmost  
concern to obtain an interest in him4   
8,being now convinced that it was my    
duty to take a journey far back to  the 
,indians on the ,susquehanna1 it being  
now a proper season of the year  to find
 them generally at home2 after having   
spent some hours in public  and private 
discourse with my people1 ,i told them  
that ,i must now leave  them for the    
present1 and go to their brethren far   
remote1 and preach to  them2 that ,i    

wanted the ,spirit of ,god should go    
with me1 without whom  nothing could be 
done to any good purpose among the      
,indians--as they  themselves had       
opportunity to see and observe by the   
barrenness of our  meetings at some     
times1 when there was much pains taken  
to affect and  awaken sinners1 and yet  
to little or no purpose2 and asked them 
if they  could not be willing to spend  
the remainder of the day in prayer for  
me1  that ,god would go with me1 and    
succeed my endeavors for the conversion 
of these poor souls4 ,they cheerfully   
complied with the motion1 and soon      
after ,i left them1 the sun being about 
an hour and a half high1 they  began and
 continued praying till break of day1 or
 very near2 never  mistrusting1 as they 
tell me1 till they went out and viewed  
the stars1  and saw the morning star a  
considerable height1 that it was later  
than  bed time4 ,thus eager and         
unwearied were they in their devotions6 
,a  remarkable night it was2 attended1  

as my ,interpreter tells me1 with a     
powerful influence upon those who were  
yet under concern1 as well as  those who
 had received comfort4 ,there were1 ,i  
trust1 this day1 two  distressed souls  
brought to the enjoyment of solid       
comfort in ,him in  whom the weary find 
rest4 ,it was likewise remarkable1 that 
this day an  old ,indian1 who had all   
his days been an idolater1 was brought  
to give  up his rattles1 which they use 
for music in their idolatrous feasts and
  dances1 to the other ,indians1 who    
quickly destroyed them4 ,this was done  
without any interference of mine1 ,i    
having not spoken to him about it1  so  
that it seemed to be nothing but the    
power of ,god's word1 without any       
particular application to this sin1 that
 produced this effect4 ,thus ,god  has  
begun2 thus he has hitherto surprisingly
 carried on a work of grace  among these
 ,indians4 ,may the glory be ascribed to
 ,him who is the sole  author of it40   
,forks of ,delaware1 in ,pennsylvania1  

,sept4 #agde4    ,lord's day1 ,sept4    
#a4--8,preached to the ,indians from    
,luke1 #aa3af-bc4 ,the  word appeared to
 be attended with some power1 and caused
 some tears in  the assembly4 ,afterward
 preached to a number of white people   
present1  and observed many of them in  
tears2 and some who had formerly been as
  careless and unconcerned about        
religion1 perhaps1 as the ,indians4     
,toward  night discoursed to the        
,indians again1 and perceived a greater 
attention1 and more visible concern     
among them than has been usual in  these
 parts4    ,sept4 #c4--8,preached to the
 ,indians from ,isaiah1 #eb3c-f4 ,the   
,divine  presence seemed to be in the   
midst of the assembly1 and a            
considerable  concern spread among them4
 ,sundry persons seemed to be awakened2 
among  whom were two stupid creatures1  
whom ,i could scarce ever before keep   
awake while ,i was discoursing to them4 
,i could not but rejoice at this        
appearance of things2 although at the   

same time ,i could not but fear1  lest  
the concern which they at present       
manifested might prove like a  morning  
cloud1 as something of that nature had  
formerly done in these  parts4    ,sept4
 #e4--8;,discoursed to the ,indians from
 the parable of the sower4  ,afterward  
,i conversed particularly with a number 
of persons2 which  occasioned them to   
weep1 and even to cry out in an         
affecting manner1 and  seized others    
with surprise and concern4 ,i doubt not 
but that a divine  power accompanied    
what was then spoken4 ,several of these 
persons had  been with me to            
,crossweeksung1 and there had seen1 and 
some of them1 ,i  trust felt1 the power 
of ,god's word in an affecting and      
saving manner4  ,i asked one of them1   
who had obtained comfort1 and given     
hopeful  evidence of being truly        
religious1 #8,why he now cried8' ,he    
replied1 #8,when  he thought how ,christ
 was slain like a lamb1 and spilt his   
blood for  sinners1 he could not help   

crying when he was alone2' and thereupon
  burst into tears and cried again4 ,i  
then asked his wife1 who had  likewise  
been abundantly comforted1 why she      
cried8 ,she answered1 #8that  she was   
grieved that the ,indians here would not
 come to ,christ1 as  well as those at  
,crossweeksung4' ,i asked her if she    
found a heart to  pray for them1 and    
whether ,christ had seemed to be near   
her of late in  prayer1 as in times     
past1 which is my usual method of       
expressing a  sense of the divine       
presence4 ,she replied1 #8,yes1 he had  
been near to  her1 and at times when she
 had been praying alone1 her heart loved
 to  pray so that she could not bear to 
leave the place1 but wanted to stay  and
 pray longer4'    ,lord's day1 ,sept4   
#h4--8;,discoursed to the ,indians in   
the afternoon from  ,acts1 #b3cf-ci4    
,the word of ,god at this time seemed to
 fall with weight  and influence upon   
them4 ,there were but few present2 but  
most that were1  were in tears1 and     

several cried out in distressing concern
 for their  souls4 ,there was one man   
considerably awakened1 who never before 
discovered any concern for his soul4    
,there appeared a remarkable work of    
the ,divine ,spirit among them          
generally1 not unlike what has been of  
late  at ,crossweeksung4 ,it seemed as  
if the divine influence had spread      
thence  to this place1 although         
something of it appeared here before in 
the  awakening of my interpreter1 his   
wife1 and some few others4 ,several of  
the careless white people now present   
were awakened1 or at least  startled1   
seeing the power of ,god so prevalent   
among the ,indians4 ,i then  made a     
particular address to them1 which seemed
 to make some impression  upon them1 and
 excite some affection in them4         
8,there are some ,indians in these parts
 who have always refused to hear  me    
preach1 and have been enraged against   
those who have attended on my           
preaching4 ,but of late they are more   

bitter than ever2 scoffing at           
christianity1 and sometimes asking my   
hearers #8,how often they have  cried1' 
and #8whether they have not now cried   
enough to do their turn1'  c4 ,so that  
they have already trial of cruel        
mockings4    ,sept4 #i4--8,left the     
,indians at the ,forks of ,delaware1 and
 set out on a  journey toward           
,susquehanna river1 directing my course 
toward the ,indian  town more than an   
hundred and twenty miles westward from  
the ,forks4  ,traveled about fifteen    
miles1 and there lodged4                
,shaumoking1 ,sept4 #agde4    ,sept4    
#ac4--8;,after having lodged out three  
nights1 arrived at the ,indian  town ,i 
aimed at1 on the ,susquehanna1 called   
,shaumoking2 one of the  places1 and the
 largest of them1 which ,i visited in   
,may last4 ,i was  kindly received1 and 
entertained by the ,indians2 but had    
little  satisfaction by reason of the   
heathenish dance and revel they then    
held  in the house where ,i was obliged 

to lodge2 which ,i could not suppress1  
though ,i often entreated them to       
desist1 for the sake of one of their    
own friends1 who was then sick in the   
house1 and whose disorder was much      
aggravated by the noise4 ,alas6 how     
destitute of natural affection are      
these poor uncultivated pagans6 although
 they seem somewhat kind in  their own  
way4 ,of a truth the dark corners of the
 earth are full of the  habitations of  
cruelty4 ,this town1 as ,i observed in  
my ,diary of ,may  last1 lies partly on 
the east side of the river1 partly on   
the west1 and  partly on a large island 
in it1 and contains upward of fifty     
houses1 and  nearly three hundred       
persons1 though ,i never saw much more  
than half  that number in it4 ,they are 
of three different tribes of ,indians1  
speaking three languages wholly         
unintelligible to each other4 ,about one
  half of its inhabitants are           
,delawares1 the others called ,senekas  
and  ,tutelas4 ,the ,indians of this    

place are accounted the most drunken1   
mischievous1 and ruffianlike fellows of 
any in these parts2 and ,satan  seems to
 have his seat in this town in an       
eminent manner4    ,sept4               
#ad4--8,visited the ,delaware ,king1 who
 was supposed to be at the  point of    
death when ,i was here in ,may last1 but
 was now recovered2  discoursed with him
 and others respecting christianity2    
spent the  afternoon with them1 and had 
more encouragement than ,i expected4    
,the  king appeared kindly disposed1 and
 willing to be instructed4 ,this gave   
me some encouragement that ,god would   
open an effectual door for my  preaching
 the ,gospel here1 and set up his       
kingdom in this place4 ,this  was a     
support and refreshment to me in the    
wilderness1 and rendered my  solitary   
circumstances comfortable and pleasant4 
,lord's day1 ,sept4 #ae4--8,visited the 
chief of the ,delawares again2 was      
kindly received by him1 and discoursed  
to the ,indians in the afternoon4       

,still entertained hopes that ,god would
 open their hearts to receive the       
,gospel1 though many of them in the     
place were so drunk from day to day     
that ,i could get no opportunity to     
speak to them4 ,toward night  discoursed
 with one who understood the languages  
of the ,six ,nations1  as they are      
usually called1 who discovered an       
inclination to hearken to  christianity1
 which gave me some hope that the       
,gospel might hereafter be  sent to     
those nations far remote4    ,sept4     
#af4--8,spent the forenoon with the     
,indians1 endeavoring to  instruct them 
from house to house1 and to engage them1
 as far as ,i  could1 to be friendly to 
christianity4 ,toward night went to one 
part of  the town where they were sober1
 got together near fifty of them1 and   
discoursed to them1 having first        
obtained the king's cheerful consent4   
,there was a surprising attention among 
them1 and they manifested a             
considerable desire of being further    

instructed4 ,there were also one or  two
 that seemed to be touched with some    
concern for their souls1 who  appeared  
well pleased with some conversation in  
private after ,i had  concluded my      
public discourse to them4    8,my       
spirits were much refreshed with this   
appearance of things1 and ,i  could not 
but return with my interpreter1 having  
no other companion in  this journey to  
my poor hard lodgings1 rejoicing in     
hopes that ,god  designed to set up his 
kingdom here1 where satan now reigns in 
the most  eminent manner2 and found     
uncommon freedom in addressing the      
throne of  grace for the accomplishment 
of so great and glorious a work4        
,sept4 #ag4--8,spent the forenoon in    
visiting and discoursing to the         
,indians4 ,about noon left ,shaumoking  
7most of the ,indians going out this    
day on their hunting design7 and        
traveled down the river south-westward4 
,juncauta1 ,sept4 #agde4    ,sept4      
#ai4--8,visited an ,indian town1 called 

,juncauta1 situate on an  island in the 
,susquehanna4 ,was much discouraged with
 the temper and  behavior of the        
,indians here2 although they appeared   
friendly when ,i was  with them the last
 spring1 and then gave me encouragement 
to come and  see them again4 ,but they  
now seemed resolved to retain their     
pagan  notions1 and persist in their    
idolatrous practices4    ,september     
#bj4--8,visited the ,indians again at   
,juncauta island1 and found  them almost
 universally very busy in making        
preparations for a great  sacrifice and 
dance4 ,had no opportunity to get them  
together1 in order  to discourse with   
them about ,christianity1 by reason of  
their being so  much engaged about their
 sacrifice4 ,my spirits were much sunk  
with a  prospect so very discouraging2  
and especially seeing ,i had this day no
  interpreter but a pagan1 who was as   
much attached to idolatry as any of     
them1 and who could neither speak nor   
understand the language of these        

,indians2 so that ,i was under the      
greatest disadvantages imaginable4      
,however1 ,i attempted to discourse     
privately with some of them1 but        
without any appearance of success3      
notwithstanding ,i still tarried with   
them4    8,in the evening they met      
together1 nearly a hundred of them1 and 
danced  around a large fire1 having     
prepared ten fat deer for the sacrifice4
 ,the  fat of the inwards they burnt in 
the fire while they were dancing1 which 
sometimes raised the flame to a         
prodigious height2 at the same time     
yelling and shouting in such a manner   
that they might easily have been  heard 
two miles or more4 ,they continued their
 sacred dance nearly all  night1 after  
which they ate the flesh of the         
sacrifice1 and so retired  each one to  
his own lodging4    8,i enjoyed little  
satisfaction2 being entirely alone on   
the island1 as  to any ,christian       
company1 and in the midst of this       
idolatrous revel2 and  having walked to 

and fro till body and mind were pained  
and much  oppressed1 ,i at length crept 
into a little crib made for corn1 and   
there  slept on the poles4    ,lord's   
day1 ,sept4 #ba4--8,spent the day with  
the ,indians on the island4  ,as soon as
 they were well up in the morning ,i    
attempted to instruct  them1 and labored
 for that purpose to get them together2 
but soon found  they had something else 
to do1 for near noon they gathered      
together all  their powaws1 or          
conjurers1 and set about half a dozen of
 them playing  their juggling tricks1   
and acting their frantic distracted     
postures1 in  order to find out why they
 were then so sickly upon the island1   
numbers  of them being at that time     
disordered with a fever and bloody flux4
 ,in  this exercise they were engaged   
for several hours1 making all the wild1 
ridiculous and distracted motions       
imaginable2 sometimes singing1          
sometimes howling1 sometimes extending  
their hands to the utmost  stretch1 and 

spreading all their fingers2 they seemed
 to push with them  as if they designed 
to push something away1 or at least keep
 it off at  arm's-end2 sometimes        
stroking their faces with their hands1  
then  spurting water as fine as mist2   
sometimes sitting flat on the earth1    
then bowing down their faces to the     
ground2 then wringing their sides as  if
 in pain and anguish1 twisting their    
faces1 turning up their eyes1  grunting1
 puffing1 c4    8,their monstrous       
actions tended to excite ideas of       
horror1 and seemed to  have something in
 them1 as ,i thought1 peculiarly suited 
to raise the  devil1 if he could be     
raised by any thing odd1 ridiculous1 and
  frightful4 ,some of them1 ,i could    
observe1 were much more fervent and     
devout in the business than others1 and 
seemed to chant1 peep1 and  mutter with 
a great degree of warmth and vigor1 as  
if determined to  awaken and engage the 
powers below4 ,i sat at a small         
distance1 not more  than thirty feet    

from them1 though undiscovered1 with my 
,bible in my  hand1 resolving1 if       
possible1 to spoil their sport1 and     
prevent their  receiving any answers    
from the infernal world1 and there      
viewed the  whole scene4 ,they continued
 their hideous charms and incantations  
for  more than three hours1 until they  
had all wearied themselves out2         
although they had in that space of time 
taken several intervals of rest2  and at
 length broke up1 ,i apprehended1       
without receiving any answer at  all4   
8,after they had done powawing1 ,i      
attempted to discourse with them about  
,christianity2 but they soon scattered1 
and gave me no opportunity for  any     
thing of that nature4 ,a view of these  
things1 while ,i was entirely  alone in 
the wilderness1 destitute of the society
 of any one who so much  as #8named the 
name of ,christ1' greatly sunk my       
spirits1 and gave me the  most gloomy   
turn of mind imaginable1 almost stripped
 me of all  resolution and hope         

respecting further attempts for         
propagating the  ,gospel and converting 
the pagans1 and rendered this the most  
burdensome  and disagreeable ,sabbath   
which ,i ever saw4 ,but nothing1 ,i can 
truly say1  sunk and distressed me like 
the loss of my hope respecting their    
conversion4 ,this concern appeared so   
great1 and seemed to be so much my  own1
 that ,i seemed to have nothing to do on
 earth if this failed4 ,a  prospect of  
the greatest success in the saving      
conversion of souls under  ,gospel      
light1 would have done little or nothing
 toward compensating for  the loss of my
 hope in this respect2 and my spirits   
now were so damped  and depressed1 that 
,i had no heart nor power to make any   
further  attempts among them for that   
purpose1 and could not possibly recover 
my  hope1 resolution1 and courage1 by   
the utmost of my endeavors4    8,the    
,indians of this island can1 many of    
them1 understand the ,english  language 
considerably well2 having formerly lived

 in some part of  ,maryland1 among or   
near the white people2 but are very     
drunken1 vicious1  and profane1 although
 not so savage as those who have less   
acquaintance  with the ,english4 ,their 
customs1 in various respects1 differ    
from those  of the other ,indians upon  
this river4 ,they do not bury their dead
 in a  common form1 but let their flesh 
consume above the ground1 in close      
cribs made for that purpose4 ,at the end
 of a year1 or sometimes a longer  space
 of time1 they take the bones1 when the 
flesh is all consumed1 and  wash and    
scrape them and afterward bury them with
 some ceremony4 ,their  method of       
charming or conjuring over the sick1    
seems somewhat different  from that of  
the other ,indians1 though in substance 
the same4 ,the whole  of it among these 
and others1 perhaps1 is an imitation of 
what seems1 by  ,naaman's expression1 #b
 ,kings1 #e3aa1 to have been the custom 
of the  ancient heathen4 ,it seems      
chiefly to consist in their #8striking  

their  hands over the diseased1'        
repeatedly stroking them1 #8and calling 
upon  their god2' except the spurting of
 water like a mist1 and some other      
frantic ceremonies common to the other  
conjurations which ,i have already      
mentioned4    8,when ,i was in this     
region in ,may last ,i had an           
opportunity of learning  many of the    
notions and customs of the ,indians1 as 
well as observing  many of their        
practices4 ,i then traveled more than an
 hundred and thirty  miles upon the     
river1 above the ,english settlements2  
and in that journey  met with           
individuals of seven or eight distinct  
tribes1 speaking as many  different     
languages4 ,but of all the sights ,i    
ever saw among them1 or  indeed any     
where else1 none appeared so frightful1 
or so near a kin to  what is usually    
imagined of infernal powers1 none ever  
excited such  images of terror in my    
mind1 as the appearance of one who was a
 devout  and zealous reformer1 or rather

 restorer of what he supposed was the   
ancient religion of the ,indians4 ,he   
made his appearance in his  pontifical  
garb1 which was a coat of bear skins1   
dressed with the  hair on1 and hanging  
down to his toes2 a pair of bear skin   
stockings2  and a great wooden face     
painted1 the one half black1 the other  
half  tawny1 about the color of an      
,indian's skin1 with an extravagant     
mouth1  cut very much awry2 the face    
fastened to a bear skin cap1 which was  
drawn over his head4 ,he advanced toward
 me with the instrument in his  hand    
which he used for music in his          
idolatrous worship2 which was a dry     
tortoise shell with some corn in it1 and
 the neck of it drawn on to a  piece of 
wood1 which made a very convenient      
handle4 ,as he came forward  he beat his
 tune with the rattle1 and danced with  
all his might1 but did  not suffer any  
part of his body1 not so much as his    
fingers1 to be seen4  ,no one would have
 imagined1 from his appearance or       

actions1 that he  could have been a     
human creature1 if they had not had some
 intimation of  it otherwise4 ,when he  
came near me ,i could not but shrink    
away from him1  although it was then    
noon day1 and ,i knew who it was2 his   
appearance and  gestures were so        
prodigiously frightful4 ,he had a house 
consecrated to  religious uses1 with    
divers images cut upon the several parts
 of it4 ,i  went in1 and found the      
ground beat almost as hard as a rock1   
with their  frequent dancing upon it4 ,i
 discoursed with him about              
,christianity4 ,some  of my discourse he
 seemed to like1 but some of it he      
disliked extremely4  ,he told me that   
,god had taught him his religion1 and   
that he never would  turn from it2 but  
wanted to find some who would join      
heartily with him  in it2 for the       
,indians1 he said1 were grown very      
degenerate and corrupt4  ,he had        
thoughts1 he said1 of leaving all his   
friends1 and traveling  abroad1 in order

 to find some who would join with him2  
for he believed  that ,god had some good
 people some where1 who felt as he did4 
,he had not  always1 he said1 felt as he
 now did2 but had formerly been like the
 rest  of the ,indians1 until about four
 or five years before that time4 ,then1 
he said1 his heart was very much        
distressed1 so that he could not live   
among the ,indians1 but got away into   
the woods1 and lived alone for some     
months4 ,at length1 he said1 ,god       
comforted his heart1 and showed him what
  he should do2 and since that time he  
had known ,god1 and tried to serve  him2
 and loved all men1 be they who they    
would1 so as he never did  before4 ,he  
treated me with uncommon courtesy1 and  
seemed to be hearty in  it4 ,i was told 
by the ,indians1 that he opposed their  
drinking strong  liquor with all his    
power2 and that1 if at any time he could
 not  dissuade them from it by all he   
could say1 he would leave them1 and go  
crying into the woods4 ,it was manifest 

that he had a set of religious  notions 
which he had examined for himself1 and  
not taken for granted  upon bare        
tradition2 and he relished or           
disrelished whatever was spoken  of a   
religious nature1 as it either agreed or
 disagreed with his  standard4 ,while ,i
 was discoursing1 he would sometimes    
say1 #8,now that ,i  like2 so ,god has  
taught me2' c4 and some of his          
sentiments seemed very  just4 ,yet he   
utterly denied the existence of a devil1
 and declared there  was no such        
creature known among the ,indians of old
 times1 whose  religion he supposed he  
was attempting to revive4 ,he likewise  
told me1  that departed souls went      
southward1 and that the difference      
between  the good and the bad was this3 
that the former were admitted into a    
beautiful town with spiritual walls2 and
 that the latter would for ever  hover  
around these walls1 in vain attempts to 
get in4 ,he seemed to be  sincere1      
honest1 and conscientious in his own    

way1 and according to his  own religious
 notions2 which was more than ,i ever   
saw in any other  ,pagan4 ,i perceived  
that he was looked upon and derided     
among most of the  ,indians1 as a       
precise zealot1 who made a needless     
noise about  religious matters2 but ,i  
must say that there was something in his
 temper  and disposition which looked   
more like true religion than any thing  
,i  ever observed among other heathens4 
8,but alas6 how deplorable is the state 
of the ,indians upon this river6  ,the  
brief representation which ,i have here 
given of their notions and  manners1 is 
sufficient to show that they are #8led  
captive by ,satan at  his will1' in the 
most eminent manner2 and methinks might 
likewise be  sufficient to excite the   
compassion1 and engage the prayers1 of  
,god's  children for these their        
fellow-men1 who sit #8in the regions of 
the  shadow of death4'    ,sept4        
#bb4--8,made some further attempts to   
instruct and ,christianize the  ,indians

 on this ,island1 but all to no purpose4
 ,they live so near the  white people   
that they are always in the way of      
strong liquor1 as well  as of the ill   
examples of nominal ,christians2 which  
renders it so  unspeakably difficult to 
treat with them about ,christianity40   
,forks of ,delaware1 ,oct4 #agde4       
,oct4 #a4--8;,discoursed to the ,indians
 here1 and spent some time in  private  
conference with them about their souls' 
concerns1 and afterward  invited them to
 accompany1 or if not1 to follow me to  
,crossweeksung as  soon as they could   
conveniently2 which invitation numbers  
of them  cheerfully accepted40          
,crossweeksung1 ,oct4 #agde4    ,oct4   
#e4--8,preached to my people from ,john1
 #ad3a-f4 ,the divine presence  seemed  
to be in the assembly4 ,numbers were    
affected with divine truth1  and it was 
a comfort to some in particular4 ,o what
 a difference is there  between these1  
and the ,indians with whom ,i had lately
 treated upon the  ,susquehanna6 ,to be 

with those seemed to be like being      
banished from ,god  and all his people2 
to be with these1 like being admitted   
into his  family1 and to the enjoyment  
of his divine presence6 ,how great is   
the  change lately made upon numbers of 
those ,indians2 who1 not many months    
ago1 were as thoughtless and averse to  
,christianity as those upon the         
,susquehanna2 and how astonishing is    
that grace which has made this  change6 
,lord's day1 ,oct4 #f4--8,preached in   
the forenoon from ,john1 #aj3g-aa4      
,there was a considerable melting among 
my people2 the dear young  ,christians  
were refreshed1 comforted and           
strengthened2 and one or two  persons   
newly awakened4 ,in the afternoon ,i    
discoursed on the story of  the ,jailor1
 ,acts1 #af2 and in the evening         
expounded ,acts1 #bj3a-ab4 ,there  was  
at this time a very agreeable melting   
spread throughout the whole  assembly4  
,i think ,i scarce ever saw a more      
desirable affection among any  people4  

,there was scarcely a dry eye to be seen
 among them2 and yet  nothing boisterous
 or unseemly1 nothing that tended to    
disturb the  public worship2 but rather 
to encourage and excite a ,christian    
ardor and  spirit of devotion4 ,those   
who ,i have reason to hope were savingly
  renewed were first affected1 and      
seemed to rejoice much1 but with        
brokenness of spirit and godly fear4    
,their exercises were much the same     
with those mentioned in my journal of   
,august #bf1 evidently appearing to  be 
the genuine effects of a spirit of      
adoption4    8,after public service was 
over ,i withdrew1 being much tired with 
the  labors of the day2 and the ,indians
 continued praying among themselves  for
 near two hours together2 which         
continued exercises appeared to be      
attended with a blessed quickening      
influence from on high4 ,i could not    
but earnestly wish that numbers of      
,god's people had been present at this  
season to see and hear these things     

which ,i am sure must refresh the  heart
 of every true lover of ,zion4 ,to see  
those who were very lately  savage      
,pagans and idolaters1 having no hope1  
and without ,god in the  world1 now     
filled with a sense of divine love and  
grace1 and worshipping  the ,father in  
spirit and in truth1 as numbers here    
appeared to do1 was  not a little       
affecting2 and especially to see them   
appear so tender and  humble1 as well as
 lively1 fervent1 and devout in the     
divine service4    ,oct4                
#bd4--8;,discoursed from ,john1 #d3ac1  
#ad4 ,there was a great attention1  a   
desirable affection1 and an unaffected  
melting in the assembly4 ,it is         
surprising to see how eager they are to 
hear the word of ,god4 ,i often  times  
thought that they would cheerfully and  
diligently attend divine  worship       
twenty-four hours together1 if they had 
an opportunity so to do4    ,oct4       
#be4--8;,discoursed to my people        
respecting the ,resurrection1 from      

,luke1 #bj3bg-cf4 ,when ,i came to      
mention the blessedness the godly shall 
enjoy at that season2 their final       
freedom from death1 sin and sorrow2     
their equality to the angels in their   
nearness to and enjoyment of  ,christ1  
some imperfect degree of which they are 
favored with in the  present life1 from 
whence springs their sweetest comfort2  
and their  being the children of ,god1  
openly acknowledged by him as such2 many
 of  them were much affected and melted 
with a view of this blessed state4      
,oct4 #bf4--8;,being called to assist in
 the administration of the ,lord's      
supper in a neighboring congregation1 ,i
 invited my people to go with me4  ,they
 in general embraced the opportunity    
cheerfully2 and attended the  several   
discourses of this solemnity with       
diligence and affection1 most  of them  
now understanding something of the      
,english language4    ,lord's day1 ,oct4
 #bg4--8,while ,i was preaching to a    
vast assembly of  people abroad1 who    

appeared generally easy and secure1     
there was one  ,indian woman1 a         
stranger1 who never had heard me preach 
before1 nor ever  regarded any thing    
about religion1 who1 having been now    
persuaded by  some of her friends to    
come to meeting1 though much against her
 will1  was seized with distressing     
concern for her soul2 and soon after    
expressed a great desire of going home1 
more than forty miles distant1  to call 
her husband1 that he also might be      
awakened to a concern for his  soul4    
,some others of the ,indians appeared to
 be affected with divine  truth this    
day4 ,the pious people of the ,english1 
numbers of whom ,i had  opportunity to  
converse with1 seemed refreshed with    
seeing the ,indians  worship ,god in    
that devout and solemn manner with the  
assembly of his  people2 and with those 
mentioned in ,acts1 #aa3ah1 they could  
not but  glorify ,god1 saying1 #8,then  
hath ,god also to the ,gentiles granted 
repentance unto life4'    8,preached    

again in the afternoon1 to a great      
assembly2 at which time  some of my     
people appeared affected2 and when      
public worship was over1  were          
inquisitive whether there would not be  
another sermon in the  evening1 or      
before the solemnity of the ,lord's     
supper was concluded2  being still      
desirous to hear ,god's word4    ,oct4  
#bh4--8;,discoursed from ,matt4         
#bb3a-ac4 ,i was enabled to open the    
scriptures1 and adapt my discourse and  
expression to the capacities of  my     
people1 ,i know not how1 in a plain1    
easy1 and familiar manner1  beyond all  
that ,i could have done by the utmost   
study2 and this without  any special    
difficulty2 yea1 with as much freedom as
 if ,i had been  addressing a common    
audience1 who had been instructed in the
 doctrines  of christianity all their   
days4 ,the word of ,god at this time    
seemed to  fall upon the assembly with a
 divine power and influence1 especially 
toward the close of my discourse2 there 

was both a sweet melting and  bitter    
mourning in the audience4 ,the dear     
christians were refreshed and           
comforted1 convictions revived in       
others1 and several persons newly       
awakened who had never been with us     
before4 ,so much of the divine  presence
 appeared in the assembly1 that it      
seemed #8this was no other  than the    
house of ,god and the gate of heaven4'  
,all1 who had any savor  and relish of  
divine things1 were even constrained by 
the sweetness of  that season to say1   
#8,lord1 it is good for us to be here4' 
,if ever there  was among my people an  
appearance of the ,new ,jerusalem #8as a
 bride  adorned for her husband1' there 
was much of it at this time2 and so     
agreeable was the entertainment1 where  
such tokens of the divine  presence     
were1 that ,i could scarcely be willing 
in the evening to leave  the place and  
repair to my lodgings4 ,i was refreshed 
with a view of the  continuance of this 
blessed work of grace among them1 and   

with its  influence upon strangers among
 the ,indians1 who had of late from time
 to  time providentially come into this 
part of the country4    ,lord's day1    
,nov4 #c4--8,preached to my people from 
,luke #af3ag4 #8,and it is  easier for  
heaven and earth1' c4 more especially   
for the sake of  several lately brought 
under deep concern for their souls4     
,there was  some apparent concern and   
affection in the assembly2 though far   
less  than has been usual of late4      
8,on this day six of the ,indians made a
 profession of their faith4 ,one  of    
these was a woman near four-score years 
of age4 ,two of the others  were men    
fifty years old1 who had been singular  
and remarkable among  the ,indians for  
their wickedness2 one of them had been a
 murderer1 and  both notorious drunkards
 as well as excessively quarrelsome2 but
 now ,i  cannot but hope that both of   
them have become subjects of ,god's     
special  grace4 ,i kept them back for   
many weeks after they had given evidence

 of  having passed a great change1 that 
,i might have more opportunities to     
observe the fruits of the impressions   
which they had been under1 and          
apprehended the way was now clear to    
admit them to the ordinances4    ,nov4  
#d48--;,discoursed from ,john #aa1      
briefly explaining most of the  chapter4
 ,divine truth made deep impressions    
upon many in the assembly4  ,numbers    
were affected with a view of the power  
of ,christ manifested in  his raising   
the dead2 and especially when this      
instance of his power was  improved to  
show his ability to raise dead souls1   
such as many of them  felt themselves to
 be1 to a spiritual life2 as also to    
raise the dead at  the last day1 and    
dispense to them rewards and            
punishments4    8,there were numbers of 
those who had come here lately from     
remote  places1 who were now brought    
under deep and pressing concern for     
their  souls4 ,one in particular1 who   
not long since came half drunk1 and     

railed  on us1 and attempted by all     
means to disturb us while engaged in    
divine  worship1 was now so concerned   
and distressed for her soul1 that she   
seemed unable to get any ease without an
 interest in ,christ4 ,there were  many 
tears and affectionate sobs and groans  
in the assembly in general2  some       
weeping for themselves2 others for their
 friends4 ,although persons  are        
doubtless much more easily affected now 
than they were in the  beginning of this
 religious concern1 when tears and cries
 for their  souls were things unheard of
 among them2 yet ,i must say that their 
affection in general appeared genuine   
and unfeigned2 and especially this      
appeared very conspicuous in those newly
 awakened4 ,so that true and  genuine   
convictions of sin seem still to be     
begun and promoted in many  instances4  
,twenty three of the ,indians in all    
have now professed their faith in       
,christ4 ,most of them belonged to this 
region1 a few to the ,forks of          

,delaware4--,through rich grace1 none of
 them as yet have been left to  disgrace
 their profession by any scandalous or  
unbecoming behavior4    8,i might now   
properly make many ,,remarks on a work  
of grace so very  remarkable as this has
 been in various respects2 but shall    
confine  myself to a few general hints  
only4    #a4 8,it is remarkable that    
,god began this work among the ,indians 
at a  time when ,i had the least hope1  
and1 to my apprehension1 the least      
rational prospect of seeing a work of   
grace propagated among them3 my  bodily 
strength being then much wasted by a    
late tedious journey to the             
,susquehanna1 where ,i was necessarily  
exposed to hardships and fatigues  among
 the ,indians2 my mind being also       
exceedingly depressed with a view  of   
the unsuccessfulness of my labors4 ,i   
had little reason so much as to  hope   
that ,god had made me instrumental in   
the saving conversion of any  of the    
,indians1 except my ,interpreter and his

 wife4 ,hence ,i was ready to  look upon
 myself as a burden to the ,society     
which employed and supported  me in this
 business1 and began to entertain       
serious thoughts of giving  up my       
mission2 and almost resolved ,i would do
 so at the conclusion of  the present   
year1 if ,i had then no better prospect 
of success in my work  than ,i had      
hitherto had4 ,i cannot say that ,i     
entertained these thoughts  because ,i  
was weary of the labors and fatigues    
which necessarily  attended my present  
business1 or because ,i had light and   
freedom in my  own mind to turn any     
other way2 but purely through dejection 
of spirit1  pressing discouragement1 and
 an apprehension of its being unjust to 
spend money consecrated to religious    
uses1 only to civilize the  ,indians1   
and bring them to an external profession
 of ,christianity4  ,this was all which 
,i could then see any prospect of       
effecting1 while ,god  seemed1 as ,i    
thought1 evidently to frown upon the    

design of their saving  conversion1 by  
withholding the convincing and renewing 
influences of his  blessed ,spirit from 
attending the means which ,i had        
hitherto used with  them for that end4  
8,in this frame of mind ,i first visited
 these ,indians at ,crossweeksung2      
apprehending that it was my             
indispensable duty1 seeing ,i had heard 
there  was a number in these parts1 to  
make some attempts for their conversion 
to ,god1 though ,i cannot say ,i had any
 hope of success1 my spirits being  now 
so extremely sunk4 ,i do not know that  
my hopes respecting the  conversion of  
the ,indians were ever reduced to so low
 an ebb1 since ,i  had any special      
concern for them1 as at this time4 ,yet 
this was the  very season in which ,god 
saw fit to begin this glorious work6    
,thus he  #8ordained strength out of    
weakness1' by making bare his almighty  
arm at  a time when all hopes and human 
probabilities most evidently appeared to
  fail4--,whence ,i learn1 that it is   

good to follow the path of duty1  though
 in the midst of darkness and           
discouragement4    #b4 8,it is          
remarkable how ,god providentially1 and 
in a manner almost  unaccountable1      
called these ,indians together to be    
instructed in the  great things that    
concerned their souls3 and how he seized
 their minds  with the most solemn and  
weighty concern for their eternal       
salvation1 as  fast as they came to the 
place where his word was preached4 ,when
 ,i first  came into these parts in     
,june1 ,i found not one man at the place
 ,i  visited1 but only four women and a 
few children2 but before ,i had been    
here many days1 they gathered from all  
quarters1 some from more than  twenty   
miles2 and when ,i made them a second   
visit in the beginning of  ,august1 some
 came more than forty miles to hear me4 
,many came without  any intelligence of 
what was going on here1 and consequently
 without any  design of theirs1 so much 
as to gratify their curiosity4 ,thus it 

seemed  as if ,god had summoned them    
together from all quarters for nothing  
else  but to deliver his message to     
them2 and that he did this1 with regard 
to  some of them1 without making use of 
any human means1 although there was     
pains taken by some of them to give     
notice to others at remote places4      
8,nor is it less surprising that they   
were one after another affected  with a 
solemn concern for their souls1 almost  
as soon as they came upon  the spot     
where divine truths were taught them4 ,i
 could not but think  often1 that their 
coming to the place of our public       
worship1 was like  ,saul and his        
messengers coming among the prophets2   
they no sooner came  but they           
prophesied2 and these were almost as    
soon affected with a sense  of their sin
 and misery1 and with an earnest concern
 for deliverance1 as  they made their   
appearance in our assembly4 ,after this 
work of grace  began with power among   
them1 it was common for strangers of the

  ,indians1 before they had been with us
 one day1 to be much awakened1  deeply  
convinced of their sin and misery1 and  
to inquire with great  solicitude1      
#8,what they should do to be saved8'    
#c4 8,it is likewise remarkable how ,god
 preserved these poor ignorant  ,indians
 from being prejudiced against me1 and  
the truths ,i taught  them1 by those    
means that were used with them for that 
purpose by  ungodly people4 ,there were 
many attempts made by some ill-minded   
persons  of the white people to         
prejudice them against1 or frighten them
 from  ,christianity4 ,they sometimes   
told them1 that the ,indians were well  
enough already2--that there was no need 
of all this noise about                 
,christianity2--that if they were       
,christians they would be in no better1 
no safer1 or happier state1 than they   
were already in4 ,sometimes they  told  
them1 that ,i was a knave1 a deceiver1  
and the like2 that ,i daily  taught them
 lies1 and had no other design but to   

impose upon them4 ,when  none of these1 
and such like suggestions1 would avail  
to their purpose1  they then tried      
another expedient1 and told the         
,indians1 #8,my design was  to gather   
together as large a body of them as ,i  
possibly could1 and sell  them to       
,england for slaves2' than which nothing
 could be more likely to  terrify the   
,indians1 they being naturally of a     
jealous disposition1 and  the most      
averse to a state of servitude perhaps  
of any people living4    8,but all these
 wicked insinuations1 through divine    
goodness over-ruling1  constantly turned
 against the authors of them1 and only  
served to engage  the affections of the 
,indians more firmly to me2 for they1   
being  awakened to a solemn concern for 
their souls1 could not but observe1     
that the persons who endeavored to      
embitter their minds against me1 were   
altogether unconcerned about their own  
souls1 and not only so1 but  vicious and
 profane2 and thence could not but      

argue1 that if they had no  concern for 
their own1 it was not likely they should
 have for the  souls of others4    8,it 
seems yet the more wonderful that the   
,indians were preserved from  once      
harkening to these suggestions1 inasmuch
 as ,i was an utter stranger  among     
them1 and could give them no assurance  
of my sincere affection to1  and concern
 for them1 by any thing that was        
past1--while the persons who  insinuated
 these things were their old            
acquaintance1 who had frequent          
opportunities of gratifying their       
thirsty appetites with strong drink1    
and consequently1 doubtless had the     
greatest interest in their  affections4 
,but from this instance of their        
preservation from fatal  prejudices1 ,i 
have had occasion1 with admiration1 to  
say1 #8,if ,god will  work1 who can     
hinder8'    #d4 8,nor is it less        
wonderful how ,god was pleased to       
provide a remedy  for my want of skill  
and freedom in the ,indian language1 by 

remarkably  fitting my ,interpreter for1
 and assisting him in the performance of
 his  work4 ,it might reasonably be     
supposed ,i must needs labor under a    
vast  disadvantage in addressing the    
,indians by an ,interpreter2 and that   
divine truths would undoubtedly lose    
much of the energy and pathos  with     
which they might at first be delivered1 
by reason of their coming  to the       
audience from a second hand4 ,but       
although this has often1 to my  sorrow  
and discouragement1 been the case in    
times past1 when my  ,interpreter had   
little or no sense of divine things2 yet
 now it was  quite otherwise4 ,i cannot 
think my addresses to the ,indians      
ordinarily1  since the beginning of this
 season of grace have lost any thing of 
the  power or pungency with which they  
were made1 unless it were sometimes  for
 want of pertinent and pathetic terms   
and expressions in the ,indian          
language2 which difficulty could not    
have been much redressed by my  personal

 acquaintance with their language4 ,my  
,interpreter had before  gained some    
good degree of doctrinal knowledge1     
whereby he was rendered  capable of     
understanding1 and communicating1       
without mistakes1 the  intent and       
meaning of my discourses1 and that      
without being confined  strictly1 and   
obliged to interpret verbatim4 ,he had  
likewise1 to  appearance1 an            
experimental acquaintance with divine   
things2 and it  pleased ,god at this    
season to inspire his mind with longing 
desires for  the conversion of the      
,indians1 and to give him admirable zeal
 and  fervency in addressing them in    
order thereto4 ,it is remarkable1 that1 
when ,i was favored with any special    
assistance in any work1 and enabled  to 
speak with more than common freedom1    
fervency1 and power1 under a  lively and
 affecting sense of divine things1 he   
was usually affected in  the same manner
 almost instantly1 and seemed at once   
quickened and  enabled to speak in the  

same pathetic language1 and under the   
same  influence that ,i did4 ,a         
surprising energy often accompanied the 
word  at such seasons2 so that the face 
of the whole assembly would be          
apparently changed almost in an instant1
 and tears and sobs become  common among
 them4    8,he also appeared to have    
such a clear doctrinal view of ,god's   
usual  methods of dealing with souls    
under a preparatory work of conviction  
and  humiliation as he never had before2
 so that ,i could1 with his help1       
discourse freely with the distressed    
persons about their internal  exercises1
 their fears1 discouragements1          
temptations1 c4 ,he likewise  took      
pains1 day and night1 to repeat and     
inculcate upon the minds of the         
,indians the truths which ,i taught them
 daily2 and this he appeared to  do1 not
 from spiritual pride1 and an           
affectation of setting himself up  as a 
public teacher1 but from a spirit of    
faithfulness1 and an honest  concern for

 their souls4    8,his conversation     
among the ,indians has likewise1 so far 
as ,i know1 been  savory1 as becomes a  
,christian1 and a person employed in his
 work2 and ,i  may justly say1 he has   
been a great comfort to me1 and a great 
instrument of promoting this good work  
among the ,indians2 so that  whatever be
 the state of his own soul1 it is       
apparent ,god has remarkably  fitted him
 for this work4 ,thus ,god has          
manifested that1 without  bestowing on  
me the gift of tongues1 he could find a 
way wherein ,i  might be as effectually 
enabled to convey the truths of his     
glorious  ,gospel to the minds of these 
poor benighted pagans4    #e4 8,it is   
further remarkable1 that ,god has       
carried on his work here by  such means1
 and in such a manner1 as tended to     
obviate1 and leave no  room for those   
prejudices and objections which have    
often been raised  against such a work4 
,when persons have been awakened to a   
solemn concern  for their souls1 by     

hearing the more awful truths of ,god's 
word1 and the  terrors of the divine law
 insisted upon1 it has usually in such  
cases  been objected by some1 that such 
persons were only frighted with a       
fearful noise of hell and damnation2 and
 that there was no evidence that  their 
concern was the effect of a divine      
influence4 ,but ,god has left no  room  
for this objection in the present case2 
this work of grace having  been begun   
and carried on by almost one continued  
strain of ,gospel  invitation to        
perishing sinners4 ,this may reasonably 
be guessed1 from a  view of the passages
 of ,scripture ,i chiefly insisted upon 
in my  discourses from time to time2    
which ,i have for that purpose inserted 
in  my diary4    8,nor have ,i ever seen
 so general an awakening in any assembly
 in my life  as appeared here while ,i  
was opening and insisting upon the      
parable of  the great supper4 ,luke1    
#ad4 ,in which discourse ,i was enabled 
to set  before my hearers the           

unsearchable riches of ,gospel grace4   
,not that ,i  would be understood here  
that ,i never instructed the ,indians   
respecting  their fallen state1 and the 
sinfulness and misery of it2 for this   
was  what ,i at first chiefly insisted  
upon with them1 and endeavored to       
repeat and inculcate in almost every    
discourse1 knowing that without  this   
foundation ,i should but build upon the 
sand1 and that it would be  in vain to  
invite them to ,christ unless ,i could  
convince them of their  need of him4    
,mark1 #b3ag4    8,but still this great 
awakening1 this surprising concern1 was 
never  excited by any harangues of      
terror1 but always appeared most        
remarkable  when ,i insisted upon the   
compassion of a dying ,savior1 the      
plentiful  provisions of the ,gospel1   
and the free offers of divine grace to  
needy1  distressed sinners4 ,nor would  
,i be understood to insinuate1 that such
 a  religious concern might justly be   
suspected as not being genuine and  from

 a divine influence1 if produced from   
the preaching of terror2 for  this is   
perhaps ,god's more usual way of        
awakening sinners1 and appears  entirely
 agreeable to ,scripture and sound      
reason4 ,but what ,i meant here  to     
observe is1 that ,god saw fit to employ 
and bless milder means for the          
effectual awakening of these ,indians1  
and thereby obviated the  forementioned 
objection1 which the world might        
otherwise have had a more  plausible    
color of making4    8,as there has been 
no room for any plausible objection     
against this  work1 with regard to the  
means1 so neither with regard to the    
manner  in which it has been carried on4
 ,it is true1 persons' concern for their
  souls have been exceeding great2 the  
convictions of their sin and misery     
have arisen to a high degree1 and       
produced many tears1 cries1 and  groans2
 but then they have not been attended   
with those disorders1  either bodily or 
mental1 which have sometimes prevailed  

among persons  under religious          
impressions4 ,there has here been no    
appearance of those  convulsions1 bodily
 agonies1 frightful screamings1         
swoonings1 and the  like1 which have    
been so much complained of in some      
places2 although  there have been some1 
who1 with the jailer1 have been made to 
tremble  under a sense of their sin and 
misery1 and have been made to cry out   
from a distressing view of their        
perishing state4    8,nor has there been
 any appearance of mental disorders     
here1 such as  visions1 trances1        
imaginations of being under prophetic   
inspiration1  and the like2 or scarce   
any unbecoming disposition to appear    
remarkably  affected either with concern
 or joy2 though ,i must confess ,i      
observed  one or two persons1 whose     
concern ,i thought was in a considerable
  measure affected2 and one whose joy   
appeared to be of the same kind4 ,but   
these workings of spiritual pride ,i    
endeavored to crush in their first      

appearances1 and have not since observed
 any affection1 either of joy or        
sorrow1 but what appeared genuine and   
unaffected4 ,but1    ,lastly4 ,the      
effects of this work have likewise been 
very remarkable4  ,i doubt not but that 
many of these people have gained more   
doctrinal  knowledge of divine truths   
since ,i first visited them in ,june    
last1 than  could have been instilled   
into their minds by the most diligent   
use of  proper and instructive means for
 whole years together1 without such a   
divine influence4 ,their pagan notions  
and idolatrous practices seem to  be    
entirely abandoned in these parts4 ,they
 are regulated2 and appear  regularly   
disposed in the affairs of marriage2 an 
instance whereof ,i  have given in my   
journal of ,august #ad4 ,they seem      
generally divorced from  drunkenness1   
their darling vice1 the #8sin that      
easily besets them2' so  that ,i do not 
know of more than two or three1 who have
 been my steady  hearers1 that have     

drank to excess since ,i first visited  
them2 although  before it was common for
 some or other of them to be drunk      
almost every  day3 and some of them seem
 now to fear this sin in particular1    
more than  death itself4 ,a principle of
 honesty and justice appears in many of 
them2 and they seem concerned to        
discharge their old debts1 which they   
have neglected1 and perhaps scarcely    
thought of for years past4 ,their       
manner of living is much more decent and
 comfortable than formerly1  having now 
the benefit of that money which they    
used to consume upon  strong drink4     
,love seems to reign among them1        
especially those who have  given        
evidences of having passed a saving     
change3 and ,i never saw any  appearance
 of bitterness or censoriousness in     
these1 nor any disposition  to #8esteem 
themselves better than others1' who had 
not received the like  mercy4    8,as   
their sorrows under convictions have    
been great and pressing1 so  many of    

them have since appeared to #8rejoice   
with joy unspeakable1 and  full of      
glory2' and yet ,i never saw any thing  
ecstatic or flighty in  their joy4      
,their consolations do not incline them 
to lightness2 but1 on  the contrary1 are
 attended with solemnity1 and often     
times with tears1  and an apparent      
brokenness of heart1 as may be seen in  
several passages  of my diary4 ,in this 
respect some of them have been surprised
 at  themselves1 and have with concern  
observed to me1 that #8when their       
hearts have been glad1' which is a      
phrase they commonly make use of to     
express spiritual joy1 #8they could not 
help crying for all4'    8,and now1 upon
 the whole1 ,i think ,i may justly say1 
that here are all  the symptoms and     
evidences of a remarkable work of grace 
among these  ,indians1 which can        
reasonably be desired or expected4 ,may 
the great  ,author of this work maintain
 and promote the same here1 and         
propagate  it every where1 till #8the   

whole earth be filled with his glory6'  
,amen4    8,i have now rode more than   
three thousand miles1 of which ,i have  
kept an  exact account1 since the       
beginning of ,march last1 and almost the
 whole  of it has been in my own proper 
business as a missionary1 upon the      
design1 either immediately or more      
remotely1 of propagating ,christian     
knowledge among the ,indians4 ,i have   
taken pains to look out for a  colleague
 or companion1 to travel with me2 and   
have likewise used  endeavors to procure
 something for his support1 among       
religious persons  in ,new-,england1    
which cost me a journey of several      
hundred miles2 but  have not1 as yet1   
found any person qualified and disposed 
for this good  work1 although ,i had    
some encouragement from ministers and   
others1 that  it was hoped a maintenance
 might be procured for one1 when the man
  should be found4    8,i have likewise 
of late represented to the gentlemen    
concerned with  this mission1 the       

necessity of having an ,english school  
speedily set  up among these ,indians1  
who are now willing to be at the pains  
of  gathering together in a body1 for   
this purpose4 ,in order thereto1 ,i have
  humbly proposed to them the collecting
 of money for the maintenance of a      
schoolmaster1 and the defraying of other
 necessary charges1 in the  promotion of
 this good work2 which they are now     
attempting in the  several congregations
 of ,christians to which they           
respectively belong4    8,the several   
companies of ,indians to whom ,i have   
preached in the summer  past1 live at   
great distances from each other4 ,it is 
more than  seventy miles from           
,crossweeksung1 in ,new-,jersey1 to the 
,forks of  ,delaware in ,pennsylvania2  
and thence to sundry of the ,indian     
settlements  which ,i visited on the    
,susquehanna1 is more than an hundred   
and twenty  miles4 ,so much of my time  
is necessarily consumed in journeying1  
that ,i  can have but little for any of 

my necessary studies1 and consequently  
for the study of the ,indian languages  
in particular2 and especially  seeing ,i
 am obliged to discourse so frequently  
to the ,indians at each of  these places
 while ,i am with them1 in order to     
redeem time to visit the  rest4 ,i am1  
at times1 almost discouraged from       
attempting to gain any  acquaintance    
with the ,indian languages1 they are so 
very numerous2 some  account of which ,i
 gave in my diary of ,may last2 and     
especially1 seeing  my other labors and 
fatigues engross almost the whole of my 
time1 and  bear exceedingly hard upon my
 constitution1 so that my health is much
  impaired4 ,however1 ,i have taken     
considerable pains to learn the         
,delaware  language1 and propose still  
to do so1 as far as my other business   
and  bodily health will admit4 ,i have  
already made some proficiency in it1    
though ,i have labored under many and   
great disadvantages in my attempts  of  
that nature4 ,it is but just to observe 

here1 that all the pains ,i  took to    
acquaint myself with the language of the
 ,indians with whom ,i  spent my first  
year1 were of little or no service to me
 here among the  ,delawares2 so that my 
work1 when ,i came among these ,indians1
 was all to  be begun anew4    8,as     
these poor ignorant pagans stood in need
 of having #8line upon line1  and       
precept upon precept1' in order to their
 being instructed and  grounded in the  
principles of ,christianity2 so ,i      
preached #8publicly1 and  taught from   
house to house1' almost every day for   
whole weeks together1  when ,i was with 
them4 ,my public discourses did not then
 make up the  one half of my work1 while
 there were so many constantly coming to
 me  with that important inquiry1       
#8,what must we do to be saved8' and    
opening  to me the various exercises of 
their minds4 ,yet ,i can say1 to the    
praise  of divine grace1 that the       
apparent success1 with which my labors  
were  crowned1 unspeakably more than    

compensated for the labor itself1 and   
was  likewise a great means of          
supporting and carrying me through the  
business and fatigues under which1 it   
seems1 my nature would have sunk        
without such an encouraging prospect4   
,but although this success has  afforded
 matter of support1 comfort1 and        
thankfulness2 yet in this  season ,i    
have found great need of assistance in  
my work1 and have been  much oppressed  
for want of one to bear a part of my    
labors and  hardships4 #8,may the ,lord 
of the harvest send forth other laborers
 into  this part of his harvest1 that   
those who sit in darkness may see great 
light2 and that the whole earth may be  
filled with the knowledge of  himself6  
,amen4'0                                
,,chapter ,,viii4    ,being part #b;d of
 his public journal of 8the ,continuance
 and ,progress of      a remarkable work
 of grace among the ,indians in         
,new-,jersey and      ,pennsylvania kept
 by order of the ,society in ,scotland  

for      propagating ,christian         
knowledge40--,renewal of labor at       
,crossweeksung--outpouring of the       
spirit--remarkable case--signal         
displays of divine power--a convert--a  
number of ,christian ,indians           
accompany him to the ,forks of          
,delaware--striking conversion at       
,crossweeksung--day of fasting--,lord's 
supper--conversion of a                 
,conjurer--general remarks on the       
preceding narrative4                    
,nov4 #e1 #agde4--;,june #ai1 #agdf4    
,crossweeksung1 ,new-,jersey1 #agde4    
,lord's day1 ,nov4 #bd4--8,preached both
 parts of the day from the story of     
,zaccheus4 ,luke1 #ai3a-i4 ,in the      
latter exercise1 when ,i opened and     
insisted upon the salvation that comes  
to a sinner upon his becoming a  son of 
,abraham1 or a true believer1 the word  
seemed to be attended with  divine power
 to the hearts of the hearers4 ,numbers 
were much affected  with divine truth2  
former convictions were revived2 one or 

two persons  newly awakened2 and a most 
affectionate engagement in divine       
service  appeared among them            
universally4 ,the impressions they were 
under  appeared to be the genuine effect
 of ,god's word brought home to their   
hearts by the power and influence of the
 ,divine ,spirit4    ,nov4              
#bf4--8;,after having spent some time in
 private conferences with my  people1 ,i
 discoursed publicly among them from    
,john1 #e3a-i4 ,i was favored  with some
 special freedom and fervency in my     
discourse1 and a powerful  energy       
accompanied divine truth4 ,many wept and
 sobbed affectionately1  and scarcely   
any appeared unconcerned in the whole   
assembly4 ,the  influence which seized  
the audience appeared gentle1 and yet   
pungent and  efficacious4 ,it produced  
no boisterous commotion of the passions2
 but  seemed deeply to affect the heart1
 and excite in the persons under        
convictions of their lost state1 heavy  
groans and tears2 and in others1  who   

had obtained comfort1 a sweet and humble
 melting4 ,it seemed like the  gentle   
but steady showers which effectually    
water the earth1 without  violently     
beating upon the surface4 ,the persons  
lately awakened were  some of them      
deeply distressed for their souls1 and  
appeared earnestly  solicitous to obtain
 an interest in ,christ2 and some of    
them1 after  public worship was over1 in
 anguish of spirit1 said #8they knew not
 what  to do1 nor how to get their      
wicked hearts changed1' c4    ,nov4     
#bh4--8;,discoursed to the ,indians     
publicly1 after having used some        
private endeavors to instruct and excite
 some in the duties of  ,christianity4  
,opened and made remarks upon the sacred
 story of our  ,lord's transfiguration4 
,luke1 #i3bh-cf4 ,had a principal view  
in insisting  upon this passage of      
,scripture to the edification and       
consolation of  ,god's people4 ,observed
 some1 that ,i have reason to think are 
truly such1  exceedingly affected with  

an account of the glory of ,christ in   
his  transfiguration1 and filled with   
longing desires of being with him1 that 
they might with open face behold his    
glory4    8,after public service was    
over1 ,i asked one of them1 who wept and
 sobbed  most affectionately1 what she  
now wanted8 ,she replied1 #8,o1 to be   
with  ,christ4 ,she did not know how to 
stay1' c4 ,this was a blessed refreshing
  season to the religious people in     
general4 ,the ,lord ,jesus ,christ      
seemed  to manifest his divine glory to 
them1 as when transfigured before his   
disciples2 and they were ready1 with the
 disciples1 universally to say1  #8,lord
 it is good for us to be here4'    8,the
 influence of ,god's word was not       
confined to those who had given         
evidence of being truly gracious3 though
 at this time ,i calculated my          
discourse for and directed it chiefly to
 such4 ,but it appeared to be a  season 
of divine power in the whole assembly2  
so that most were in some  measure      

affected4 ,one aged man1 in particular1 
lately awakened1 was now  brought under 
a deep and pressing concern for his     
soul1 was now  earnestly inquisitive    
#8how he might find ,jesus ,christ4'    
,god seems still  to vouchsafe his      
divine presence1 and the influence of   
his blessed  ,spirit to accompany his   
word1 at least in some measure1 in all  
our  meetings for divine worship4       
,nov4 #cj4--8,preached near night1 after
 having spent some hours in  private    
conference with some of my people about 
their souls' concerns4  ,explained the  
story of the rich man and ,lazarus4     
,luke1 #af3ai-bf4 ,the  word made       
powerful impressions upon many in the   
assembly1 especially  while ,i          
discoursed of the blessedness of        
,lazarus in ,abraham's bosom4  ,this ,i 
could perceive affected them much more  
than what ,i spoke of the  rich man's   
misery and torments2 and thus it has    
been usually with them4  ,they have     
almost always appeared much more        

affected with the comfortable  than the 
dreadful truths of ,god's word4 ,that   
which has distressed many  of them under
 conviction is1 that they found they    
wanted and could not  obtain the        
happiness of the godly2 at least they   
have often appeared to  be more affected
 with this than with the terrors of     
hell4 ,but whatever  be the means of    
their awakening1 it is plain1 numbers   
are made deeply  sensible of their sin  
and misery1 the wickedness and          
stubbornness of  their own hearts1 their
 utter inability to help themselves1 or 
to come  to ,christ for help without    
divine assistance1 and so are brought to
 see  their perishing need of ,christ to
 do all for them1 and to lie at the     
foot of sovereign mercy4    ,lord's day1
 ,dec4 #a4--8;,discoursed to my people  
in the forenoon from  ,luke1 #af3bg-ca4 
,there appeared an unfeigned affection  
in many1 and some  seemed deeply        
impressed with divine truth4 ,in the    
afternoon preached to  a number of white

 people2 at which time the ,indians     
attended with  diligence1 and many of   
them were able to understand a          
considerable part  of the discourse4 ,at
 night discoursed to my people again1   
and gave them  particular cautions and  
directions relating to their conduct in 
divers  respects1 and pressed them to   
watchfulness in their deportment1 seeing
  they were encompassed with those who  
waited for their halting1 and who  stood
 ready to draw them into temptations of 
every kind1 and then to  expose religion
 by their missteps4    ,lord's day1     
,dec4 #h4--8;,discoursed on the story of
 the blind man4 ,john1  #i4 ,there      
appeared no remarkable effect of the    
word upon the assembly at  this time4   
,the persons who have lately been much  
concerned for their  souls seemed now   
not so affected or solicitous to obtain 
an interest in  ,christ as has been     
usual1 although they attended divine    
service with  seriousness and diligence4
 ,such have been the doings of the ,lord

 here in  awakening sinners1 and        
affecting the hearts of those who are   
brought to  solid comfort1 with a fresh 
sense of divine things from time to     
time1  that it is now strange to see the
 assembly sit with dry eyes1 and        
without sobs and groans4    ,dec4       
#ab4--8,preached from the parable of the
 ,ten ,virgins4 ,matt4 #be4  ,the divine
 power seemed in some measure to attend 
this discourse2 in  which ,i was favored
 with uncommon freedom and plainness of 
address1 and  enabled to open divine    
truths1 and explain them to the         
capacities of my  people in a manner    
beyond myself4 ,there appeared in many  
persons an  affectionate concern for    
their souls1 although the concern in    
general  seemed not so deep and pressing
 as it had formerly done4 ,yet it was   
refreshing to see many melted into tears
 and unaffected sobs2 some with  a sense
 of divine love1 and some for the want  
of it4    ,dec4 #ae4--8,preached to the 
,indians from ,luke1 #ac3bd-bh4 ,divine 

truth  fell with weight and power upon  
the audience1 and seemed to reach the   
hearts of many4 ,near night discoursed  
to them again from ,matt4 #be3ca-df4    
,at this season also the word appeared  
to be accompanied with a divine         
influence1 and made powerful impressions
 upon the assembly in general1  as well 
as upon numbers in a very special and   
particular manner4 ,this  was an amazing
 season of grace4 ,the word of the ,lord
 this day #8was quick  and powerful1    
sharper than a two-edged sword1' and    
pierced the hearts of  many4 ,the       
assembly was greatly affected and deeply
 wrought upon2 yet  without so much     
apparent commotion of the passions as   
appeared in the  beginning of this work 
of grace4 ,the impressions made by the  
word of ,god  upon the audience appeared
 solid1 rational1 and deep2 worthy of   
the  solemn truths by means of which    
they were produced1 and far from being  
the effects of any sudden fright1 or    
groundless perturbation of mind4 ,o  how

 did the hearts of the hearers seem to  
bow under the weight of divine  truth1  
and how evident did it now appear that  
they received and felt  them1 #8not as  
the word of man1 but as the word of     
,god4' ,none can form a  just idea of   
the appearance of our assembly at this  
time1 but those who  have seen a        
congregation solemnly awed1 and deeply  
impressed by the  special power and     
influence of divine truths delivered to 
them in the  name of ,god4    ,dec4     
#af4--8;,discoursed to my people in the 
evening from ,luke1 #aa3a-ac4  ,after   
having insisted some time upon the ninth
 verse1 wherein there is a  command and 
encouragement to ask for the divine     
favor1 ,i called upon  them to ask for a
 new heart with the utmost importunity1 
as the man  mentioned in the parable1 on
 which ,i was discoursing1 pleaded for  
loaves  of bread at midnight4 ,there was
 much affection and concern in the      
assembly1 and especially one woman      
appeared in great distress for her      

soul4 ,she was brought to such an agony 
in seeking after ,christ1 that the      
sweat ran off her face for a            
considerable time1 though the evening   
was  very cold2 and her bitter cries    
were the most affecting indications of  
her heart4    ,dec4 #ba4--8,my people   
having now attained to a considerable   
degree of  knowledge in the principles  
of christianity2 ,i thought it proper to
 set  up a catechetical lecture among   
them1 and this evening attempted        
something in that form1 proposing       
questions to them agreeably to the      
,assembly's ,shorter ,catechism1        
receiving their answers1 and then       
explaining and insisting1 as appeared   
necessary and proper upon each          
question4 ,after this ,i endeavored to  
make some practical improvement of  the 
whole4 ,this was the method ,i entered  
upon4 ,they were able readily  and      
rationally to answer many important     
questions which ,i proposed to  them2 so
 that upon trial ,i found their         

doctrinal knowledge to exceed my  own   
expectations4 ,in the improvement of my 
discourse1 when ,i came to  infer and   
open the blessedness of those who have  
so great and glorious a  ,god as had    
before been spoken of1 #8for their      
everlasting friend and  portion1'       
several were much affected2 and         
especially when ,i exhorted1  and       
endeavored to persuade them to be       
reconciled to ,god through his dear     
,son1 and thus to secure an interest in 
his everlasting favor4 ,so that  they   
appeared not only enlightened and       
instructed1 but affected1 and  engaged  
in their soul's concerns by this method 
of discoursing4    ,lord's day1 ,dec4   
#bb4--8;,discoursed upon the story of   
the young man in  the ,gospel4 ,matt4   
#i3af-bb4 ,god made it a seasonable     
word1 ,i am  persuaded1 to some souls1  
and in particular to one1 the same      
mentioned  in my journal of the #afth   
instant1 who never before obtained any  
settled  comfort1 though ,i have        

abundant reason to think she had passed 
a saving  change some days before4 ,she 
now appeared in a heavenly frame of     
mind1  composed and delighted with the  
divine will4 ,when ,i came to discourse 
particularly with her1 and to inquire of
 her how she obtained relief and        
deliverance from the spiritual          
distresses which she had lately         
suffered1  she answered1 in broken      
,english1 #8,me try1 me try save myself2
 last1 my  strength be all gone2        
7meaning her ability to save herself27  
could not  me stir bit further4 ,den    
last me forced let ,jesus ,christ alone 
send me  hell1 if he please4' ,i said1  
#8,but you was not willing to go to     
hell1  was you8' ,she replied1 #8,could 
not me help it4 ,my heart1 he would     
wicked  for all4 ,could not me make him 
good1' 7meaning1 she saw it was right   
she should go to hell1 because her heart
 was wicked1 and would be so  after all 
she could do to mend it47 ,i asked her  
how she got out of this  case4 ,she     

answered still in the same broken       
language1 #8,by by1 my heart  be glad   
desperately4' ,i asked her why her heart
 was glad8 ,she replied1  #8,glad my    
heart1 ,jesus ,christ do what he please 
with me4 ,did not me care  where he put 
me2 love him for all1' c4 ,she could not
 readily be  convinced but that she was 
willing to go to hell if ,christ was    
pleased  to send her there2 although the
 truth evidently was1 that her will was 
so swallowed up in the divine will that 
she could not frame any hell in  her    
imagination which would be dreadful or  
undesirable1 provided it was  the will  
of ,god to send her to it4 ,toward night
 discoursed to them again  in the       
catechetical method which ,i entered    
upon the evening before4 ,when  ,i came 
to improve the truth which ,i had       
explained to them1 and to answer  that  
question1 #8,but how shall ,i know      
whether ,god has chosen me to           
everlasting life8' by pressing them to  
come and give up their hearts to        

,christ1 and thereby #8to make their    
election sure1' they then appeared  much
 affected1 and the persons under concern
 were afresh engaged in  seeking after  
an interest in him2 while some others1  
who had obtained  comfort before1 were  
refreshed to find that love to ,god in  
themselves  which was an evidence of his
 electing love to them4    ,dec4        
#be4--8,the ,indians having been used on
 ,christmas days to drink and  revel    
among some of the white people in these 
parts1 ,i thought it proper  this day to
 call them together and discourse to    
them upon divine things2  which ,i      
accordingly did from the parable of the 
barren fig-tree4 ,luke1  #ac3f-i4 ,a    
divine influence1 ,i am persuaded1      
accompanied the word at this  season4   
,the power of ,god appeared in the      
assembly1 not by producing any          
remarkable cries1 but by rousing several
 stupid creatures who were  scarcely    
ever moved with any concern before4 ,the
 power attending divine  truth seemed to

 have the influence of the earthquake   
rather than of the  whirlwind upon them4
 ,their passions were not so much       
alarmed as has been  common here in     
times past1 but their judgments appeared
 to be powerfully  convinced by the     
masterly and conquering influence of    
divine truth4 ,the  impressions made    
upon the assembly in general1 seemed not
 superficial1  but deep1 and heart      
affecting4 ,o how ready did they now    
appear  universally to embrace and      
comply with every thing which they      
heard1 and  were convinced was their    
duty4 ,god was in the midst of us1 of a 
truth1  bowing and melting stubborn     
hearts6 ,how many tears and sobs were   
then to  be seen and heard among us6    
,what liveliness and strict attention6  
,what  eagerness and intenseness of mind
 appeared in the whole assembly1 in the 
time of divine service4 ,they seemed to 
watch and wait for the droppings  of    
,god's word1 as the thirsty earth1 for  
the #8former and latter rain4'          

8,afterward ,i discoursed to them on the
 duty of husbands and wives1 from  ,eph4
 #e3bb-cc1 and have reason to think this
 was a word in season4 ,spent  some time
 further in the evening in inculcating  
the truths on which ,i  had insisted in 
my former discourse1 respecting the     
barren fig-tree2 and  observed a        
powerful influence still accompany what 
was spoken4    ,dec4 #bf4--8,this       
evening was visited by a person under   
great spiritual  distress2 the most     
remarkable instance of this kind ,i ever
 saw4 ,she was1  ,i believe1 more than  
fourscore years old2 and appeared to be 
much  broken and very childish1 through 
age2 so that it seemed impossible for   
man to instil into her any notions of   
divine things2 not so much as to  give  
her any doctrinal instruction1 because  
she seemed incapable of  being taught4  
,she was led by the hand into my house1 
and appeared in  extreme anguish4 ,i    
asked her what ailed her8 ,she answered1
 #8her heart  was distressed1 and she   

feared she should never find ,christ4'  
,i asked  her when she began to be      
concerned1 with divers other questions  
relating  to her distress4 ,to all which
 she answered1 for substance1 to this   
effect3 #8,that she had heard me preach 
many times1 but never knew any  thing   
about it1 never felt it in her heart1   
till the last ,sabbath1 and  then it    
came1' she said1 #8as if a needle had   
been thrust into her  heart2 since which
 time she had no rest day nor night4'   
,she added1  #8that on the evening      
before ,christmas1 a number of ,indians 
being  together1 at the house where she 
was1 and discoursing about ,christ1     
their talk pricked her heart so that she
 could not set up1 but fell down  in her
 bed2 at which ,lime she went away1' as 
she expressed it1 #8and  felt as if she 
dreamed1 and yet is confident she did   
not dream4 ,when  she was thus gone1 she
 saw two paths2 one appeared very broad 
and  crooked2 and that turned to the    
left hand4 ,the other appeared straight 

and very narrow2 and that went up the   
hill to the right hand4 ,she  traveled1'
 she said1 #8for some time up the narrow
 right hand path1  till at length       
something seemed to obstruct her        
journey4 ,she sometimes  called it      
darkness2 and then described it         
otherwise1 and seemed to  compare it to 
a block or bar4 ,she then remembered    
what she had heard me  say about        
striving to enter in at the strait gate1
 although she took  little notice of it 
at the time when she heard me discourse 
upon that  subject2 and thought she     
would climb over this bar4 ,but just as 
she was  thinking of this1 she came back
 again1' as she termed it1 meaning that 
she came to herself2 #8whereupon her    
soul was extremely distressed1          
apprehending that she had now turned    
back1 and forsaken ,christ1 and that    
there was therefore no hope of mercy for
 her4'    8,as ,i was sensible that     
trances1 and imaginary views of things  
are of  dangerous tendency in religion1 

where sought after and depended upon2 so
  ,i could not but be much concerned    
about this exercise1 especially at      
first2 apprehending this might be a     
design of satan to bring a blemish  upon
 the work of ,god here1 by introducing  
visionary scenes1 imaginary  terrors1   
and all manner of mental disorders and  
delusions1 in the room  of genuine      
convictions of sin1 and the enlightening
 influences of the  blessed ,spirit2 and
 ,i was almost resolved to declare1 that
 ,i looked upon  this to be one of      
satan's devices1 and to caution my      
people against this  and similar        
exercises of that nature4 ,however1 ,i  
determined first to  inquire into her   
knowledge1 to see whether she had any   
just views of  things1 that might be the
 occasion of her present distressing    
concern1  or whether it was a mere      
fright1 arising only from imaginary     
terrors4 ,i  asked her numerous         
questions respecting man's primitive1   
and more  especially1 his present state1

 and respecting her own heart2 which she
  answered rationally1 and to my        
surprise4 ,i thought it next to         
impossible1 if not altogether so1 that a
 ,pagan1 who was become a child  through
 age1 should in that state gain so much 
knowledge by any mere  human            
instruction1 without being remarkably   
enlightened by a divine  influence4 ,i  
then proposed to her the provision made 
in the gospel for  the salvation of     
sinners1 and the ability and willingness
 of ,christ #8to  save to the uttermost 
all1 old as well as young1 that come to 
him4' ,to  this she seemed to give a    
hearty assent2 but instantly replied1   
#8,ay1  but ,i cannot come2 my wicked   
heart will not come to ,christ2 ,i do   
not  know how to come1' c4 ,this she    
spoke in anguish of spirit1 striking on 
her breast1 with tears in her eyes1 and 
with such earnestness in her  looks as  
was indeed piteous and affecting4 ,she  
seems to be really  convinced of her sin
 and misery1 and her need of a change of

 heart4 ,her  concern is abiding and    
constant1 so that nothing appears why   
this  exercise may not have a saving    
issue4 ,indeed there seems reason to    
hope  such an issue1 seeing she is so   
solicitous to obtain an interest in     
,christ1 that her heart1 as she         
expresses it1 prays day and night4      
8,how far ,god may make use of the      
imagination in awakening some persons   
under these1 and similar circumstances1 
,i cannot pretend to determine4  ,or1   
whether this exercise be from a divine  
influence1 ,i shall leave  others to    
judge4 ,but this ,i must say1 that its  
effects hitherto bespeak  it to be such2
 nor can it1 as ,i see1 be accounted for
 in any rational  way1 but from the     
influence of some spirit either good or 
evil4 ,the  woman ,i am sure never heard
 divine things in the manner in which   
she now  viewed them2 and it would seem 
strange that she should get such a      
rational notion of them from the mere   
working of her own fancy1 without  some 

superior1 or at least foreign aid4 ,yet 
,i must say1 ,i have looked  upon it as 
one of the glories of this work of grace
 among the ,indians1  and a special     
evidence of its being from a divine     
influence1 that there  has1 till now1   
been no appearance of such things1 no   
visionary notions1  trances1 and        
imaginations1 intermixed with those     
rational convictions of  sin1 and solid 
consolations1 of which numbers have been
 made the  subjects4 ,and might ,i have 
had my desire1 there had been no        
appearance  of any thing of this nature 
at all4    ,dec4 #bh4 8,discoursed to my
 people in the catechetical method on   
which  ,i lately entered4 ,in the       
improvement of my discourse1 wherein ,i 
was  comparing man's present with his   
primitive state1 and showing from what  
he had fallen1 and the miseries in which
 he is now involved1 and to  which he is
 exposed in his natural estate2 and     
pressing sinners to take  a view of     
their deplorable circumstances without  

,christ1 as also to  strive that they   
might obtain an interest in him2 the    
,lord1 ,i trust1  granted a remarkable  
influence of his blessed ,spirit to     
accompany what  was spoken2 and a great 
concern appeared in the assembly4 ,many 
were  melted into tears and sobs2 and   
the impressions made upon them seemed   
deep and heart-affecting4 ,in           
particular1 there were two or three     
persons  who appeared to be brought to  
the last exercises of a preparatory     
work1  and reduced almost to extremity2 
being in a great measure convinced of   
the impossibility of their helping      
themselves1 or of mending their own     
hearts2 and seemed to be upon the point 
of giving up all hope in  themselves1   
and of venturing upon ,christ1 as poor1 
helpless1 and undone4  ,yet they were in
 distress and anguish because they saw  
no safety in so  doing1 unless they     
could do something toward saving        
themselves4 ,one of  these persons was  
the very aged woman above-mentioned1 who

 now appeared  #8weary and heavy laden' 
with a sense of her sin and misery1 and 
her  perishing need of an interest in   
,christ4    ,lord's day1 ,dec4          
#bi4--8,preached from ,john1 #c3a-e4 ,a 
number of white  people were present1 as
 is usual upon the ,sabbath4 ,the       
discourse was  accompanied with power1  
and seemed to have a silent1 but deep   
and  piercing influence upon the        
audience4 ,many wept and sobbed         
affectionately4 ,there were some tears  
among the white people as well as  the  
,indians4 ,some could not refrain from  
crying out2 though there were  not many 
so exercised4 ,but the impressions made 
upon their hearts  appeared chiefly by  
the extraordinary earnestness of their  
attention1  and their heavy sighs and   
tears4    8,after public worship was    
over ,i went to my house1 proposing to  
preach  again after a short season of   
intermission4 ,but they soon came in1   
one  after another1 with tears in their 
eyes1 to know #8what they should do  to 

be saved4' ,the divine ,spirit in such a
 manner set home upon their  hearts what
 ,i spake to them that the house was    
soon filled with cries  and groans4     
,they all flocked together upon this    
occasion2 and those1  whom ,i had reason
 to think in a ,christless state1 were  
almost  universally seized with concern 
for their souls4 ,it was an amazing     
season of power among them2 and seemed  
as if ,god had bowed the heavens  and   
come down4 ,so astonishingly prevalent  
was the operation upon old as  well as  
young1 that it seemed as if none would  
be left in a secure and  natural state1 
but that ,god was now about to convert  
all the world4 ,i  was ready to think1  
then1 that ,i should never again despair
 of the  conversion of any man or woman 
living1 be they who or what they would4 
8,it is impossible to give a just and   
lively description of the  appearance of
 things at this season2 at least such as
 to convey a bright  and adequate idea  
of the effects of this influence4 ,a    

number might now  be seen rejoicing that
 ,god had not taken away the powerful   
influence of  his blessed ,spirit from  
this place2 refreshed to see so many    
striving to  enter in at the strait     
gate2 and animated with such concern for
 them1  that they wanted to push them   
forward1 as some of them expressed it4  
,at  the same time numbers both of men  
and women1 old and young1 might be  seen
 in tears2 and some in anguish of       
spirit1 appearing in their very         
countenances like condemned malefactors 
bound toward the place of  execution1   
with a heavy solicitude sitting in their
 faces2 so that there  seemed here1 as  
,i thought1 a lively emblem of the      
solemn day of account3  a mixture of    
heaven and hell2 of joy and anguish     
inexpressible4    8,the concern and     
religious affection was such1 that ,i   
could not pretend  to have any formal   
religious exercise among them2 but spent
 the time in  discoursing to one and    
another1 as ,i thought most proper and  

seasonable  for each2 and sometimes     
addressed them altogether2 and finally  
concluded  with prayer4 ,such were their
 circumstances at this season1 that ,i  
could  scarcely have half an hour's rest
 from speaking1 from about half an hour 
before twelve o'clock1 at which time ,i 
began public worship1 till after  seven 
at night4 ,there appeared to be four or 
five persons newly awakened  this day   
and the evening before2 some of whom but
 very lately came among  us4    ,dec4   
#cj4 8,was visited by four or five young
 persons under concern for  their souls2
 most of whom were very lately awakened4
 ,they wept much  while ,i discoursed   
with them and endeavored to press upon  
them the  necessity of flying to ,christ
 without delay for salvation4    ,dec4  
#ca4--8,spent some hours this day in    
visiting my people from house  to house1
 and conversing with them about their   
spiritual concerns2  endeavoring to     
press upon ,christless souls the        
necessity of a renovation  of heart2 and

 scarce left a house without leaving    
some or other of its  inhabitants in    
tears1 appearing solicitously engaged to
 obtain an  interest in ,christ4        
8,the ,indians are now gathered together
 from all quarters to this place1  and  
have built them little cottages1 so that
 more than twenty families  live within 
a quarter of a mile from me4 ,a very    
convenient situation  with regard both  
to public and private instruction4      
,jan4 #a1 #agdf4--8,spent considerable  
time in visiting my people again4       
,found scarcely one but what was under  
some serious impressions  respecting    
their spiritual concerns4    ,jan4      
#b4--8,visited some persons newly come  
among us1 who had scarce ever  heard any
 thing of ,christianity before1 except  
the empty name4  ,endeavored to instruct
 them1 particularly in the first        
principles of  religion1 in the most    
easy and familiar manner ,i could4      
,there are  strangers from remote parts1
 almost continually dropping in among   

us1 so  that ,i have occasion repeatedly
 to open and inculcate the first        
principles of ,christianity4    ,jan4   
#d4--8,prosecuted my catechetical method
 of instructing4 ,found my  people able 
to answer questions with propriety1     
beyond what could have  been expected   
from persons so lately brought out of   
heathenish darkness4  ,in the           
improvement of my discourse there       
appeared some concern and  affection in 
the assembly2 and especially in those of
 whom ,i entertained  hopes as being    
truly gracious1 at least several of them
 were much  affected and refreshed4     
,lord's day1 ,jan4 #e4--8;,discoursed   
from ,matt4 #ab3aj-ac4 ,there appeared  
not so much liveliness and affection in 
divine service as usual4 ,the  same     
truths which have often produced many   
tears and sobs in the  assembly seemed  
now to have no special influence upon   
any in it4 ,near  night ,i proposed to  
have proceeded in my usual method of    
catechising2  but while we were engaged 

in the first prayer1 the power of ,god  
seemed  to descend upon the assembly in 
such a remarkable manner1 and so many   
appeared under pressing concern for     
their souls1 that ,i thought it much    
more expedient to insist upon the       
plentiful provision made by divine      
grace for the redemption of perishing   
sinners1 and to press them to a  speedy 
acceptance of the great salvation1 than 
to ask them questions  about doctrinal  
points4 ,what was most practical seemed 
most seasonable  to be insisted upon1   
while numbers appeared so               
extraordinarily  solicitous to obtain an
 interest in the great ,redeemer4       
8,this day the woman mentioned in my    
journal of ,december #bb1 made a  public
 profession of her faith4 ,she has      
discovered a very sweet and  heavenly   
frame of mind from time to time1 since  
her first reception of  comfort4 ,one   
morning in particular1 she came to see  
me1 discovering an  unusual joy and     
satisfaction in her countenance2 and    

when ,i inquired  into the reason of it1
 she replied1 #8that ,god had made her  
feel that it  was right for him to do   
what he pleased with all things2 and    
that it  would be right if he should    
cast her husband and son both into hell2
 and  she saw it was so right for ,god  
to do what he pleased with them1 that   
she could not but rejoice in ,god even  
if he should send them into hell2'      
though it was apparent she loved them   
dearly4 ,she moreover inquired  whether 
,i was not sent to preach to the        
,indians by some good people a  great   
way off4 ,i replied1 #8,yes1 by the good
 people in ,scotland4' ,she  answered1  
#8that her heart loved those good people
 so the evening before1  that she could 
scarce help praying for them all night1 
her heart would  go to ,god for them4'  
,thus1 the blessing of those ready to   
perish1 is  like to come upon those     
pious persons who have communicated of  
their  substance to the propagation of  
the ,gospel4    ,lord's day1 ,jan4      

#ab4--8,preached from ,isaiah1 #ee3f4   
,the word of ,god  seemed to fall upon  
the audience with a divine weight and   
influence1 and  evidently appeared to be
 #8not the word of man4' ,the blessed   
,spirit1 ,i am  persuaded1 accompanied  
what was spoken to the hearts of many2  
so that  there was a powerful revival of
 conviction in numbers who were under   
spiritual exercises before4    8,toward 
night catechised in my usual method4    
,near the close of my  discourse there  
appeared a great concern1 and much      
affection in the  audience2 which       
increased while ,i continued to invite  
them to come to an  all-sufficient      
,redeemer for eternal salvation4 ,the   
,spirit of ,god seems1  from time to    
time1 to be striving with souls here4   
,they are so  frequently and repeatedly 
roused1 that they seem unable at present
 to  lull themselves asleep4    ,jan4   
#ac4--8,was visited by several persons  
under deep concern for their  souls2 one
 of whom was newly awakened4 ,it is a   

most agreeable work to  treat with souls
 who are solicitously inquiring #8what  
they shall do to  be saved4' ,as we are 
never to be #8weary in well doing1' so  
the  obligation seems to be peculiarly  
strong when the work is so very         
desirable4 ,yet ,i must say1 my health  
is so much impaired1 and my spirits  so 
wasted with my labors and solitary      
manner of living2 there being no  human 
creature in the house with me2 that     
their repeated and almost  incessant    
applications to me for help and         
direction1 are sometimes  exceedingly   
burdensome1 and so exhaust my spirits   
that ,i become fit for  nothing at all1 
entirely unable to prosecute my         
business1 sometimes for  days together4 
,what contributes much toward this      
difficulty is1 that ,i  am obliged to   
spend much time in communicating a      
little matter to them2  there being     
oftentimes many things to be premised   
before ,i can speak  directly to what ,i
 principally aim at2 which things would 

readily be  taken for granted where     
there was a competency of doctrinal     
knowledge4    ,jan4 #ad4--8,spent some  
time in private conference with my      
people1 and  found some disposed to take
 comfort1 as ,i thought1 upon slight    
grounds4  ,they are now generally       
awakened1 and it is become so           
disgraceful1 as  well as terrifying to  
the conscience1 to be destitute of      
religion1 that  they are in imminent    
danger of taking up with an appearance  
of grace1  rather than to live under the
 fear and disgrace of an unregenerated  
state4    ,jan4 #ah4--8,prosecuted my   
catechetical method of discoursing4     
,there  appeared a great solemnity1 and 
some considerable affection in the      
assembly4 ,this method of instruction ,i
 find very profitable4 ,when ,i  first  
entered upon it ,i was exercised with   
fears1 lest my discourses  would        
unavoidably be so doctrinal that they   
would tend only to enlighten  the head1 
but not to affect the heart4 ,but the   

event proved quite  otherwise2 for these
 exercises have hitherto been remarkably
 blessed in  the latter1 as well as the 
former respects4    ,lord's day1 ,jan4  
#ai4--8;,discoursed to my people from   
,isaiah1 #ee3g4  ,toward night          
catechised in my ordinary method2 and   
this appeared to be a  powerful season  
of grace among us4 ,numbers were much   
affected4  ,convictions were powerfully 
revived1 and ,christians refreshed and  
strengthened2 and one weary1 heavy laden
 soul1 ,i have abundant reason to  hope1
 brought to true rest and solid comfort 
in ,christ2 who afterward  gave me such 
an account of ,god's dealing with his   
soul as was abundantly  satisfying1 as  
well as refreshing to me4    8,he told  
me he had often heard me say that       
persons must see and feel  themselves   
utterly helpless and undone--that they  
must be emptied of a  dependence upon   
themselves1 and of all hope of saving   
themselves1 in  order to their coming to
 ,christ for salvation4 ,he had long    

been striving  after this view of       
things2 supposing that this would be an 
excellent  frame of mind1 to be thus    
emptied of a dependence upon his own    
goodness2  that ,god would have respect 
to this frame1 would then be well       
pleased  with him1 and bestow eternal   
life upon him4 ,but when he came to feel
  himself in this helpless1 undone      
condition1 he found it quite contrary   
to all his thoughts and expectations2 so
 that it was not the same frame1  nor   
indeed any thing like the frame after   
which he had been seeking4  ,instead of 
its being a good frame of mind1 he now  
found nothing but  badness in himself1  
and saw it was for ever impossible for  
him to make  himself any better4 ,he    
wondered1 he said1 that he had ever     
hoped to mend  his own heart4 ,he was   
amazed that he had never before seen    
that it was  utterly impossible for him1
 by all his contrivances and endeavors1 
to do  any thing in that way1 since the 
matter now appeared to him in so clear  

a light4 ,instead of imagining now that 
,god would be pleased with him for  the 
sake of this frame of mind1 and this    
view of his undone estate1 he  saw      
clearly1 and felt that it would be just 
with ,god to send him to  eternal       
misery2 and that there was no goodness  
in what he then felt2 for  he could not 
help seeing that he was naked1 sinful1  
and miserable1 and  that there was      
nothing in such a sight to deserve      
,god's love or pity4    8,he saw these  
things in a manner so clear and         
convincing1 that it seemed  to him1 he  
said1 he could convince every body of   
their utter inability  to help          
themselves1 and their unworthiness of   
any help from ,god4 ,in this  frame of  
mind he came to public worship this     
evening2 and while ,i was  inviting     
sinners to come to ,christ naked and    
empty1 without any goodness  of their   
own to recommend them to his acceptance1
 then he thought with  himself that he  
had often tried to come and give up his 

heart to ,christ1  and he used to hope  
that some time or other he should be    
able to do so2  but now he was convinced
 that he could not1 and it seemed       
utterly vain  for him ever to try any   
more2 and he could not1 he said1 find a 
heart to  make any further attempt1     
because he saw it would signify nothing 
at  all2 nor did he now hope for a      
better opportunity or more ability      
hereafter1 as he had formerly done1     
because he saw and was fully  convinced 
that his own strength would for ever    
fail4    ,while he was musing in this   
manner he saw1 he said1 with his heart1 
7which is a common phrase among them17  
something that was unspeakably  good and
 lovely1 and what he had never seen     
before2 and #8this stole away  his heart
 whether he would or no4' ,he did not1  
he said1 know what it was  he saw4 ,he  
did not say #8this is ,jesus ,christ2'  
but it was such glory and  beauty as he 
never saw before4 ,he did not now give  
away his heart1 as he  had formerly     

intended and attempted to do2 but it    
went away of itself  after that glory he
 then discovered4 ,he used to make a    
bargain with  ,christ to give up his    
heart to him that he might have eternal 
life for  it4 ,but now he thought       
nothing about himself or what would     
become of him  hereafter2 but was       
pleased1 and his mind wholly taken up   
with the  unspeakable excellency of what
 he then beheld4 ,after some time he was
  wonderfully pleased with the way of   
salvation by ,christ2 so that it  seemed
 unspeakably desirable to be saved      
altogether by the mere free  grace of   
,god in him4 ,the consequence of this   
exercise is1 that he  appears to retain 
a sense and relish of divine things1 and
 to maintain a  life of seriousness and 
true religion4    ,jan4 #bh4--8,the     
,indians in these parts have1 in times  
past1 run  themselves in debt by their  
excessive drinking2 and some have taken 
the  advantage of them1 and put them to 
trouble and charge1 by arresting some   

of them2 whereby it was supposed their  
hunting lands in great part were  much  
endangered1 and might speedily be taken 
from them4 ,being sensible  that they   
could not subsist together in these     
parts1 in order to their  being a       
,christian congregation1 if these lands 
should be taken1 which  was thought very
 likely2 ,i thought it my duty to use my
 utmost endeavors  to prevent so unhappy
 an event4 ,having acquainted the       
gentlemen  concerned in this mission    
with the affair1 according to the best  
information ,i could get of it1 they    
thought it proper to expend the  money  
which they had been and still were      
collecting for the religious  interest  
of the ,indians1 at least a part of it1 
for discharging their  debts1 and       
securing these lands1 that there might  
be no entanglement  lying upon them to  
hinder the settlement and hopeful       
enlargement of a  ,christian            
congregation of ,indians in these parts4
 ,having received orders  from them1 ,i 

answered in behalf of the ,indians1     
eighty-two pounds1 five  shillings1     
,new-,jersey currency1 at eight         
shillings per ounce2 and so  prevented  
the danger or difficulty in this        
respect4    8,as ,god has wrought a     
wonderful work of grace among these     
,indians1 and  now inclines others from 
remote places to fall in among them     
almost  continually2 and as he has      
opened a door for the prevention of the 
difficulty now mentioned1 which seemed  
greatly to threaten their  religious    
interests as well as worldly comforts2  
it is to be hoped that  he designs to   
establish a church for himself among    
them1 and hand down  true religion to   
their posterity4    ,jan4               
#cj4--8,preached to the ,indians from   
,john1 #c3af1 #ag4 ,there was a  solemn 
attention and some affection visible in 
the audience2 especially  several       
persons who had long been concerned for 
their souls1 seemed  afresh excited and 
engaged in seeking after an interest in 

,christ4 ,one1  with much concern1      
afterward told me #8his heart was so    
pricked with my  preaching he knew not  
where to turn or what to do4'    ,jan4  
#ca4--8,this day the person whom ,i had 
made choice of and engaged  for a school
 master among the ,indians arrived among
 us1 and was heartily  welcomed by my   
people universally4 ,whereupon ,i       
distributed several dozen  of primers   
among the children and young people4    
#a--8,my schoolmaster entered upon his  
business among the ,indians4 ,he has    
generally about thirty children and     
young persons in his school in the  day 
time1 and about fifteen married people  
in the evening school4 ,the  number of  
married persons being less than it would
 be if they could be  more constantly at
 home1 and could spare time from their  
necessary  employments for an attendance
 upon these instructions4    8,in the   
evening catechised in my usual method4  
,toward the close of my  discourse a    
surprising power seemed to attend the   

word1 especially to  some persons4 ,one 
man considerably in years1 who had been 
a remarkable  drunkard1 a conjurer and  
murderer1 and was awakened some months  
before1  was now brought to great       
extremity under his spiritual distress2 
so that  he trembled for hours together1
 and apprehended himself just dropping  
into hell1 without any power to rescue  
or relieve himself4 ,divers others      
appeared under great concern1 as well as
 he1 and solicitous to obtain a  saving 
change4    ,lord's day1 ,feb4           
#b4--8,preached from ,john1 #e3bd1 #be4 
,there appeared1 as  usual1 some concern
 and affection in the assembly4 ,toward 
night  proceeded in my usual method of  
catechising4 ,observed my people more   
ready in answering the questions        
proposed to them than ever before4 ,it  
is apparent they advance daily in       
doctrinal knowledge4 ,but what is still 
more desirable1 the ,spirit of ,god is  
yet operating among them2 whereby       
experimental as well as speculative     

knowledge is propagated in their  minds4
    ,feb4 #e4--8;,discoursed to a       
considerable number of ,indians in the  
evening2 at which time numbers of them  
appeared much affected and melted  with 
divine things4    ,feb4 #h4--8,spent a  
considerable part of the day in visiting
 my people  from house to house1 and    
conversing with them about their souls  
concerns4 ,many persons wept1 while ,i  
discoursed to them1 and appeared        
concerned for nothing so much as for an 
interest in the great ,redeemer4  ,in   
the evening catechised as usual4 ,divine
 truth made some impressions  upon the  
audience2 and were attended with an     
affectionate engagement  of soul in     
some4    ,lord's day1 ,feb4             
#i4--8;,discoursed to my people from the
 story of the  blind man4 ,matt4        
#aj3df-eb4 ,the word of ,god seemed     
weighty1 and powerful  upon the assembly
 at this time1 and made considerable    
impressions upon  many2 several in      
particular1 who have generally been     

remarkably stupid  and careless under   
the means of grace1 were now awakened1  
and wept  affectionately4 ,the most     
earnest attention1 as well as tenderness
 and  affection1 appeared in the        
audience universally4 ,two persons      
publicly  professed ,christ4    8,toward
 night catechised4 ,god made this a     
powerful season to some4 ,there  were   
many affected4 ,former convictions      
appeared to be powerfully  revived4     
,there was likewise one1 who had been a 
vile drunkard1  remarkably awakened4 ,he
 appeared to be in great anguish of     
soul1 wept1  and trembled1 and continued
 to do so till near midnight4 ,there was
 also  a poor heavy laden soul1 who had 
been long under heavy distress1 as      
constant and pressing as ,i ever saw1   
who was now brought to a  comfortable   
calm1 and seemed to be bowed and        
reconciled to the divine  sovereignty1  
and told me she now felt and saw that it
 was right for ,god  to do with her as  
he pleased2 and that her heart felt     

pleased and  satisfied it should be so2 
although of late she had often found her
  heart rise and quarrel with ,god      
because he would1 if he pleased1 send   
her to hell after all she had done4 ,she
 added that the heavy burden she  had   
lain under was now removed2 that she had
 tried to recover her  concern and      
distress again1 fearing that the ,spirit
 of ,god was departing  from her1 and   
would leave her wholly careless1 but    
that she could not  recover it2 that she
 felt she never could do any thing to   
save herself1  but must perish for ever 
if ,christ did not do all for her2 that 
she did  not deserve he should help her2
 and that it would be right if he should
  leave her to perish4 ,but ,christ     
could save her though she could do      
nothing to save herself1 c4 and here she
 seemed to rest40                       
,forks of ,delaware1 ,february1 #agdf4  
,lord's day1 ,feb4 #af4--8,knowing that 
numbers of the ,indians in these  parts 
were obstinately set against            

,christianity2 and that some of them    
had refused to hear me preach in times  
past2 ,i thought it might be  proper and
 beneficial to the ,christian interest  
here to have a number of  my religious  
people from ,crossweeksung with me1 to  
converse with them  about religious     
matters2 hoping it might be a means to  
convince them of  the truth and         
importance of ,christianity1 to see and 
hear some of their  own nation          
discoursing of divine things1 and       
manifesting earnest desires  that others
 might be brought out of heathenish     
darkness1 as themselves  were4 ,for this
 purpose ,i selected half a dozen of the
 most serious and  intelligent of those 
,indians1 and having brought them to the
 ,forks of  ,delaware1 ,i this day met  
with them and the ,indians of this      
place4  ,numbers of the latter probably 
could not have been prevailed upon to   
attend this meeting1 had it not been for
 these religious ,indians who           
accompanied me hither1 and preached to  

them4 ,some of those who had in  times  
past been extremely averse to           
,christianity1 now behaved soberly2  and
 some others laughed and mocked4        
,however1 the word of ,god fell with    
such weight and power1 that numbers     
seemed to be stunned1 and expressed  a  
willingness to hear me again of these   
matters4    8,afterward prayed with1 and
 made an address to the white people    
present2  and could not but observe some
 visible effects of the word1 such as   
tears and sobs among them4 ,after public
 worship1 spent some time1 and  took    
pains to convince those that mocked of  
the truth and importance of  what ,i had
 been insisting upon2 and so endeavored 
to awaken their  attention to divine    
truth4 ,had reason to think1 from what  
,i observed  then and afterward1 that my
 endeavors took considerable effect upon
 one  of the worst of them4    8,those  
few ,indians then present1 who used to  
be my hearers in these  parts1 some     
having removed hence to ,crossweeksung1 

seemed somewhat  kindly disposed toward 
me1 and glad to see me again4 ,they had 
been so  much attacked1 however1 by some
 of the opposing ,pagans1 that they were
  almost ashamed or afraid to manifest  
their friendship4    ,feb4              
#ag4--8;,after having spent much time in
 discoursing to the ,indians  in their  
respective houses1 ,i got them together 
and repeated and  inculcated what ,i had
 before taught them4 ,afterward         
discoursed to them  from ,acts1 #h3e-h4 
,a divine influence seemed to attend the
 word4 ,several  of the ,indians here   
appeared to be somewhat awakened1 and   
manifested  earnest tears and sobs4 ,my 
people of ,crossweeksung continued with 
them  day and night repeating and       
inculcating the truths ,i had taught    
them2  and sometimes prayed and sung    
psalms among them2 discoursing with each
  other in their hearing1 of the great  
things ,god had done for them and  for  
the ,indians from whence they came4     
,this seemed1 as my people told  me1 to 

have more effect upon them than when    
they directed their  discourse          
immediately to them4    ,feb4           
#ah4--8,preached to an assembly of      
,irish people1 nearly fifteen  miles    
distant from the ,indians4    ,feb4     
#ai4--8,preached to the ,indians again1 
after having spent  considerable time in
 conversing with them more privately4   
,there appeared  a great solemnity1 and 
some concern and affection among the    
,indians  belonging to these parts1 as  
well as a sweet melting among those who 
came with me4 ,numbers of the ,indians  
here seemed to have their  prejudices   
and aversion to ,christianity removed2  
and appeared well  disposed1 and        
inclined to hear the word of ,god4      
,feb4 #bj4--8,preached to a small       
assembly of ,high ,dutch people1 who had
  seldom heard the ,gospel preached1 and
 were some of them1 at least1 very      
ignorant2 but numbers of them have      
lately been put upon an inquiry after   
the way of ,salvation with              

thoughtfulness4 ,they gave wonderful    
attention2  and some of them were much  
affected under the word1 and afterward  
said1  as ,i was informed1 that they    
never had been so much enlightened about
  the way of ,salvation in their whole  
lives before4 ,they requested me to     
tarry with them1 or come again and      
preach to them4 ,it grieved me that ,i  
could not comply with their request4 ,i 
could not but be affected with  their   
circumstances2 for they were as #8sheep 
not having a shepherd1' and  some of    
them appeared under some degree of      
distress for sin2 standing in  peculiar 
need of the assistance of an experienced
 spiritual guide4    ,feb4              
#ba4--8,preached to a number of people1 
many of them ,low ,dutch4  ,several of  
the fore-mentioned ,high ,dutch people  
attended the sermon1  though eight or   
ten miles distant from their houses4    
,numbers of the  ,indians also belonging
 to these parts came of their own accord
 with my  people from ,crossweeksung1 to

 the meeting4 ,there were two in        
particular  who1 though the last        
,sabbath they opposed and ridiculed     
,christianity1  now behaved soberly4    
,may the present encouraging appearances
 continue6    ,feb4 #bb4--8,preached to 
the ,indians4 ,they appeared more free  
from  prejudice and more cordial to     
,christianity than before2 and some of  
them  appeared affected with divine     
truth4    ,lord's day1 ,feb4            
#bc4--8,preached to the ,indians from   
,john1 #f3ce-cg4  ,after public service 
discoursed particularly with several of 
them1 and  invited them to go down to   
,crossweeksung and tarry there at least 
for  some time2 knowing that they would 
then be free from the scoffs and        
temptations of the opposing ,pagans1 as 
well as in the way of hearing  divine   
truths discoursed of1 both in public and
 private4 ,obtained a  promise of some  
of them that they would speedily pay us 
a visit1 and  attend some farther       
instructions4 ,they seemed to be        

considerably  enlightened1 and much     
freed from their prejudices against     
,christianity4  ,but it is much to be   
feared that their prejudices will revive
 again1  unless they can enjoy the means
 of instruction here1 or be removed     
where  they may be under such           
advantages1 and out of the way of their 
,pagan  acquaintances4                  
,crossweeksung1 ,march1 #agdf4    ,march
 #a4--8;,catechised in my ordinary      
method4 ,was pleased and refreshed  to  
see them answer the questions proposed  
to them with such remarkable  readiness1
 discretion1 and knowledge4 ,toward the 
close of my discourse  divine truth made
 considerable impression upon the       
audience1 and  produced tears and sobs  
in some under concern2 and more         
especially a  sweet and humble melting  
in several1 who1 ,i have reason to hope1
 were  truly gracious4    ,lord's day1  
,march #b4--8,preached from ,john1      
#ae3af4 ,the assembly appeared  not so  
lively in their attention as usual1 nor 

so much affected with  divine truth in  
general as has been common4 ,some of my 
people who went  up to the ,forks of the
 ,delaware with me1 being now returned1 
were  accompanied by two of the ,indians
 belonging to the ,forks who had        
promised me a speedy visit4 ,may the    
,lord meet with them here4 ,they can    
scarcely go into a house now but they   
will meet with ,christian  conversation1
 whereby it is to be hoped they may be  
both instructed and  awakened4          
8,discoursed to the ,indians again in   
the afternoon1 and observed among  them 
some animation and engagedness in divine
 service1 though not equal  to what has 
often appeared here4 ,i know of no      
assembly of ,christians  where there    
seems to be so much of the presence of  
,god1 where brotherly  love so much     
prevails1 and where ,i should take so   
much delight in the  public worship of  
,god in general1 as in my own           
congregation2 although  not more than   
nine months ago1 they were worshipping  

devils and dumb  idols under the power  
of ,pagan darkness and superstition4    
,amazing  change this6 effected by      
nothing less than divine power and      
grace4 ,this  is the doing of the ,lord1
 and it is justly marvellous in our     
eyes4    ,march #e4--8,spent some time  
just at evening in prayer1 singing and  
discoursing to my people upon divine    
things2 and observed some agreeable     
tenderness and affection among them4    
,their present situation is so  compact 
and commodious1 that they are easily and
 quickly called together  with only the 
sound of a conch-shell1 7a shell like   
that of a  periwinkle17 so that they    
have frequent opportunities of attending
  religious exercises publicly4 ,this   
seems to be a great means1 under ,god1  
of keeping alive the impression of      
divine things in their minds4    ,march 
#h4--8;,catechised in the evening4 ,my  
people answered the questions  proposed 
to them well4 ,i can perceive their     
knowledge in religion  increases daily4 

,and1 what is still more desirable1 the 
divine  influence1 which has been so    
remarkable among them1 appears still to 
continue1 in some good measure4 ,the    
divine presence seemed to be in the     
assembly this evening4    8,some1 who ,i
 have good reason to think are          
,christians indeed1 were  melted with a 
sense of divine goodness and their own  
barrenness and  ingratitude1 and seemed 
to hate themselves1 as one of them      
afterward  expressed it4 ,convictions   
also appeared to be revived in several  
instances2 and divine truth was attended
 with such influence upon the  assembly 
in general1 that it might justly be     
called an evening of divine  power4     
,lords' day1 ,march #i4--8,preached from
 ,luke1 #aj3ch-db4 ,the word of ,god    
was attended with power and energy upon 
the audience4 ,numbers were  affected1  
and concerned to obtain the one thing   
needful4 ,several1 who  have given good 
evidence of being truly gracious1 were  
much affected  with a sense of their    

want of spirituality1 and saw the need  
they stood  in of growing in grace4 ,the
 greater part of those who had been     
under any  impressions of divine things 
in times past1 seemed now to have those 
impressions revived4    8,in the        
afternoon proposed to have catechised in
 my usual method3 but1  while we were   
engaged in the first prayer in the      
,indian language1 as  usual1 a great    
part of the assembly was so much moved  
and affected with  divine things that ,i
 thought it seasonable and proper to    
omit the  proposing of questions for    
that time1 and to insist upon the most  
practical truths4 ,i accordingly did so2
 making a further improvement of  the   
passage of ,scripture on which ,i had   
discoursed in the former part of  the   
day4 ,there appeared to be a powerful   
divine influence in the  congregation4  
,several who1 as ,i have reason to      
think1 are truly pious1  were so deeply 
affected with a sense of their own      
barrenness1 and their  unworthy         

treatment of the blessed ,redeemer1 that
 they looked on him as  pierced by      
themselves1 and mourned1 yea1 some of   
them were in  bitterness1 as for a      
first-born4    8,some poor awakened     
sinners1 also1 appeared to be in anguish
 of soul to  obtain an interest in      
,christ2 so that there was a great      
mourning in  the assembly3 many heavy   
groans1 sobs1 and tears6 and one or two1
 newly  come among us1 were considerably
 awakened4    8,methinks it would have  
refreshed the heart of any1 who truly   
love  ,zion's interests1 to have been in
 the midst of this divine influence1    
and seen the effects of it upon saints  
and sinners4 ,the place of divine       
worship appeared both solemn and sweet2 
and was so endeared by a display  of the
 divine presence and grace that those   
who had any relish for  divine things   
could not but cry1 #8,how amiable are   
thy tabernacles1 ,o  ,lord of ,hosts6'  
,after public worship was over1 numbers 
came to my house1  where we sang and    

discoursed of divine things2 and the    
presence of ,god  seemed here also to be
 in the midst of us4    8,while we were 
singing there was one individual1 the   
woman mentioned in  my journal of       
,february #i who1 ,i may venture to say1
 if ,i may be allowed  to say so much of
 any person ,i ever saw1 was #8filled   
with joy  unspeakable and full of       
glory2' and could not but burst forth in
 prayer  and praises to ,god before us  
all1 with many tears2 crying1 sometimes 
in  ,english and sometimes in ,indian1  
#8,o blessed ,lord6 do come1 do come6 ,o
  do take me away2 do let me die1 and go
 to ,jesus ,christ6 ,i am afraid if ,i  
live ,i shall sin again4 ,o do let me   
die now6 ,o dear ,jesus1 do come6 ,i    
cannot stay1 ,i cannot stay6 ,o how can 
,i live in this world2 do take my  soul 
away from this sinful place6 ,o let me  
never sin any more6 ,o what  shall ,i   
do1 what shall ,i do1 dear ,jesus4 ,o   
dear ,jesus6' ,in this ecstacy  she     
continued some time1 uttering these and 

similar expressions  incessantly4 ,the  
grand argument she used with ,god to    
take her away  immediately was1 that    
#8if she lived1 she should sin against  
him4' ,when  she had a little recovered 
herself1 ,i asked her if ,christ was now
 sweet  to her soul8 ,whereupon1 turning
 to me with tears in her eyes1 and with 
all the tokens of deep humility ,i ever 
saw in any person1 she said1 #8,i  have 
many times heard you speak of the       
goodness and the sweetness of  ,christ1 
that he was better than all the world4  
,but ,o ,i knew nothing what  you meant4
 ,i never believed you1 ,i never        
believed you6 ,but now ,i know it  is   
true2' or words to that effect4 ,i      
answered1 #8,and do you see enough in   
,christ for the greatest of sinners8'   
,she replied1 #8,o enough1 enough for   
all the sinners in the world1 if they   
would but come4' ,when ,i asked her1    
#8,if she could not tell them of the    
goodness of ,christ4' ,turning herself  
about to some ,christless souls1 who    

stood by1 and were much affected1  she  
said1 #8,o there is enough in ,christ   
for you if you would but come4 ,o       
strive1 strive to give up your hearts to
 him1' c4 ,on hearing something  of the 
glory of heaven mentioned1 that there   
was no sin in that world2  she again    
fell into the same ecstacy of joy and   
desire of ,christ's  coming2 repeating  
her former expressions1 #8,o dear ,lord1
 do let me go6 ,o  what shall ,i do2    
what shall ,i do4 ,i want to go to      
,christ4 ,i cannot live4  ,o do let me  
die1' c4    8,she continued in this     
sweet frame for more than two hours     
before she  was able to get home4 ,i am 
very sensible that there may be great   
joys1  arising even to an ecstasy1 where
 there is still no substantial evidence 
of their being well grounded4 ,but in   
the present case there seemed to be  no 
evidence wanting in order to prove this 
joy to be divine2 either in  regard to  
its preparatives1 attendants1 or        
consequents4    8,of all the persons    

whom ,i have seen under spiritual       
exercise ,i scarcely  ever saw one      
appear more bowed and broken under      
convictions of sin and  misery1 or what 
is usually called a preparatory work1   
than this woman2  nor scarcely any who  
seemed to have a greater acquaintance   
with their  own heart than she had4 ,she
 would frequently complain to me of the 
hardness and rebellion of her heart4    
,would tell me that her heart rose  and 
quarrelled with ,god1 when she thought  
he would do with her as he  pleased1 and
 send her to hell1 notwithstanding her  
prayers1 good frames1  c41 and that her 
heart was not willing to come to ,christ
 for ,salvation1  but tried every where 
else for help4 ,as she seemed to be     
remarkably  sensible of her stubbornness
 and contrariety to ,god1 under         
conviction1  so she appeared to be no   
less remarkably bowed and reconciled to 
his  sovereignty1 before she obtained   
any relief or comfort2 something of     
which ,i have noticed in my journal of  

,feb4 #i4 ,since that time she has      
seemed constantly to breathe the temper 
and spirit of the new creature2  crying 
after ,christ1 not through fear of hell 
as before1 but with strong  desires     
after him as her only satisfying        
portion2 and has many times  wept and   
sobbed bitterly because1 as she         
apprehended1 she did not and  could not 
love him4 ,when ,i have sometimes asked 
her why she appeared so  sorrowful1 and 
whether it was because she was afraid of
 hell2 she would  answer #8,no1 ,i be   
not distressed about that2 but my heart 
is so wicked  ,i cannot love ,christ2'  
and thereupon burst into tears4 ,but    
although this  has been the habitual    
frame of her mind for several weeks     
together1 so  that the exercise of grace
 appeared evident to others2 yet she    
seemed  wholly insensible to it herself1
 and never had any remarkable comfort   
and sensible satisfaction until this    
evening4    8,this sweet and surprising 
ecstasy appeared to spring from a true  

spiritual discovery of the glory1       
ravishing beauty1 and excellency of     
,christ2 and not from any gross         
imaginary notions of his human nature1  
such as that of seeing him in such a    
place1 or posture1 as hanging on  the   
cross1 as bleeding and dying1 as gently 
smiling1 and the like2 which  delusions 
some have been carried away with4 ,nor  
did it rise from sordid  selfish        
apprehensions of her having any benefit 
whatsoever conferred on  her2 but from a
 view of his personal excellency and    
transcendant  loveliness2 which drew    
forth those vehement desires of enjoying
 him  which she now manifested1 and made
 her long #8to be absent from the body1 
that she might be present with the      
,lord4'    8,the attendants of this     
ravishing comfort were such as          
abundantly  discovered its spring to be 
divine2 and that it was truly #8a joy in
 the  ,holy ,ghost4' ,now she viewed    
divine truths as living realities1 and  
could  say1 #8,i know these things are  

so2 ,i feel that they are true6' ,now   
her  soul was resigned to the divine    
will in the most tender point2 so that  
when ,i said to her1 #8,what if ,god    
should take away your husband from you1 
who was then very sick1 how do you think
 you could bear that8' ,she  replied1   
#8,he belongs to ,god1 and not to me2 he
 may do with him just as  he pleases4'  
,now she had the most tender sense of   
the evil of sin1 and  discovered the    
utmost aversion to it1 longing to die1  
that she might be  delivered from it4   
,now she could freely trust her all with
 ,god for time  and eternity4 ,when ,i  
questioned her1 #8,how she would be     
willing to die  and leave her little    
infant2 and what she thought would      
become of it in  that case8' she        
answered1 #8,god will take care of it4  
,it belongs to him4  ,he will take care 
of it4' ,now she appeared to have the   
most humbling  sense of her own meanness
 and unworthiness1 her weakness and     
inability  to preserve herself from sin1

 and to persevere in the way of         
holiness1  crying1 #8,if ,i live ,i     
shall sin4' ,i then thought that ,i had 
never seen  such an appearance of       
ecstacy and humility meeting in any one 
person in  all my life before4    8,the 
consequents of this joy are no less     
desirable and satisfactory  than its    
attendants4 ,she since appears to be a  
most tender1  broken-hearted1           
affectionate1 devout1 and humble        
,christian2 as exemplary  in life and   
conversation as any person in my        
congregation4 ,may she still  #8grow in 
grace and in the knowledge of ,christ4' 
,march #aj4 8,toward night the ,indians 
met together1 of their own accord1  and 
sang1 prayed1 and discoursed of divine  
things among themselves2 at  which time 
there was much affection among them4    
,some1 who are hopefully  pious1        
appeared to be melted with divine       
things2 and some others seemed  much    
concerned for their souls4 ,perceiving  
their engagement and  affection in      

religious exercises1 ,i went among them1
 and prayed1 and  gave a word of        
exhortation2 and observed two or three  
somewhat affected  and concerned1 who   
scarce ever appeared to be under any    
religious  impressions before4 ,it      
seemed to be a day and evening of divine
 power4  ,numbers retained the warm     
impressions of divine things which had  
been  made upon their minds the day     
before4    ,march #ad4--8,was visited by
 a considerable number of my people1 and
  spent some time in religious exercises
 with them4    ,march #ae4 8,in the     
evening catechised4 ,my people answered 
the questions  put to them with         
surprising readiness and judgment4      
,there appeared some  warmth1 and a     
feeling sense of divine things among    
those who ,i have  reason to hope are   
real ,christians1 while ,i was          
discoursing upon peace  of conscience   
and joy in the ,holy ,ghost4 ,these     
seemed quickened and  enlivened in      
divine service1 though there was not so 

much appearance of  concern among those 
whom ,i have reason to think in a       
,christless state4    ,lord's day1      
,march #af4--8,preached to my           
congregation from ,hebrews1  #b3a-c4    
,divine truth seemed to have some       
considerable influence upon some  of the
 hearers1 and produced many tears1 as   
well as heavy sighs and  sobs1 among    
those who have given evidence of being  
real ,christians1 and  others also4 ,the
 impressions made upon the audience     
appeared in general  deep and           
heart-affecting2 not superficial1 noisy 
and affected4    8,toward night         
discoursed again on the ,great          
,salvation4 ,the word was  again        
attended with some power upon the       
audience4 ,numbers wept  affectionately1
 and to appearance unfeignedly2 so that 
the ,spirit of ,god  seemed to be moving
 upon the face of the assembly4 ,the    
woman mentioned  in my journal of last  
,lord's day made a profession of her    
faith1 and  appeared to be in a devout1 

humble1 and excellent frame of mind4    
8,my house being thronged with my people
 in the evening2 ,i spent the time  in  
religious exercises with them until my  
nature was almost spent4 ,they  are so  
unwearied in religious exercises1 and   
insatiable in their  thirsting after    
,christian knowledge1 that ,i can       
sometimes scarcely avoid  laboring so as
 greatly to exhaust my strength and     
spirits4    ,march #ai4--8,several of   
the persons who went with me to the     
,forks of  ,delaware in ,february last1 
having been detained there by the       
dangerous  illness of one of their      
company1 returned home but this day4    
,whereupon  my people generally met     
together of their own accord1 in order  
to spend  some time in religious        
exercises2 and especially to give thanks
 to ,god  for his preserving goodness to
 those who had been absent from them for
  several weeks1 and recovering mercy to
 him who had been sick2 and that  he had
 now returned them all in safety4 ,as ,i

 was then absent2 they  desired my      
school-master to assist them in carrying
 on their religious  solemnity2 who     
tells me that they appeared engaged and 
affectionate in  repeated prayer1       
singing1 c4    ,march                   
#bb4--8;,catechised in my usual method  
in the evening4 ,my people  answered    
questions to my great satisfaction4     
,there appeared nothing very  remarkable
 in the assembly1 considering what has  
been common among us4  ,although ,i may 
justly say the strict attention1 the    
tenderness and  affection1 the many     
tears and heart-affecting sobs1         
appearing in numbers  in the assembly1  
would have been very remarkable1 were it
 not that ,god  has made these things   
common among us1 and even with strangers
 soon  after their coming among us1 from
 time to time4 ,i am far from thinking  
that every appearance and particular    
instance of affection that has been     
among us1 has been truly genuine1 and   
purely from a divine influence4 ,i  am  

sensible of the contrary2 and doubt not 
but there has been some  corrupt        
mixture1 some chaff as well as wheat2   
especially since  religious concern has 
become so common and prevalent here4    
,lord's day1 ,march #bc4--8,there being 
about fifteen strangers1 adult  persons1
 come among us in the week past1 several
 of whom had never been  in any         
religious meeting till now2 ,i thought  
it proper to discourse this  day in a   
manner peculiarly suited to their       
circumstances and capacities2  and      
accordingly attempted it from ,hosea1   
#ac3i4 #8,o ,israel1 thou hast          
destroyed thyself4' ,in the forenoon ,i 
opened1 in the plainest manner ,i       
could1 man's apostacy and ruined state1 
after having spoken some things         
respecting the being and perfections of 
,god1 and his creation of man in  a     
state of uprightness and happiness4 ,in 
the afternoon endeavored to  open the   
glorious provision ,god has made for the
 redemption of apostate  creatures1 by  

giving his own dear ,son to suffer for  
them and satisfy  divine justice on     
their behalf4 ,there was not that       
affection and concern  in the assembly  
which has been common among us2 although
 there was a  desirable attention       
appearing in general1 and even in most  
of the  strangers4    8,near sun-set ,i 
felt an uncommon concern upon my mind1  
especially for  the poor strangers2 that
 ,god had so much withheld his presence 
and the  powerful influence of his      
,spirit from the assembly in the        
exercises of  the day2 and thereby      
withheld from them that degree of       
conviction which  ,i hoped they might   
have had4 ,in this frame ,i visited     
several houses1 and  discoursed with    
some concern and affection to several   
persons  particularly2 but without much 
appearance of success till ,i came to a 
house where several of the strangers    
were4 ,there the solemn truths on  which
 ,i discoursed appeared to take effect2 
first upon some children2  then upon    

several adult persons who had been      
somewhat awakened before2  and afterward
 upon several of the ,pagan strangers4  
8,i continued my discourse1 with some   
fervency1 until almost every one in  the
 house was melted into tears1 and many  
wept aloud1 and appeared  earnestly     
concerned to obtain an interest in      
,christ4 ,upon this1 numbers  soon      
gathered from all the houses round      
about2 and so thronged the place  that  
we were obliged to remove to the house  
where we usually met for  public        
worship4 ,the congregation gathered     
immediately1 and many  appearing        
remarkably affected1 ,i discoursed some 
time from ,luke1 #ai3aj2  endeavoring to
 open the mercy1 compassion1 and concern
 of ,christ for  lost1 helpless1 and    
undone sinners4 ,there was much visible 
concern and  affection in the assembly2 
and ,i doubt not but that a divine      
influence  accompanied what was spoken  
to the hearts of many4 ,there were five 
or  six of the strangers1 men and women1

 who appeared to be considerably        
awakened2 and1 in particular1 one very  
rugged young man1 who seemed as  if     
nothing would move him1 was now brought 
to tremble like the jailor1  and weep   
for a long time4    8,the ,pagans who   
were awakened1 seemed at once to put off
 their savage  roughness and ,pagan     
manners1 and became sociable1 orderly   
and humane in  their carriage4 ,when    
they first came1 ,i exhorted my         
religious people to  take pains with    
them as they had done with other        
strangers from time to  time1 to        
instruct them in ,christianity4 ,but    
when some of them attempted  something  
of that nature1 the strangers would soon
 rise up and walk to  other houses in   
order to avoid the hearing of such      
discourses4 ,whereupon  some of the     
serious persons agreed to disperse      
themselves into the  several parts of   
the settlement2 so that wherever the    
strangers went1  they met with some     
instructive discourse1 and warm         

addresses respecting  their salvation4  
,but now there was no need of using     
policy1 in order to  get an opportunity 
of conversing with some of them about   
their spiritual  concerns2 for they were
 so far touched with a sense of their   
perishing  state1 as made them          
voluntarily yield to the closest        
addresses which  were made them1        
respecting their sin and misery1 their  
need of an  acquaintance with1 and      
interest in the great ,redeemer4        
,march #bd4--8,numbered the ,indians to 
see how many souls ,god had gathered    
together here since my coming into these
 parts2 and found there were now  about 
an hundred and thirty persons together1 
old and young4 ,several  of those1 who  
are my stated hearers1 perhaps to the   
number of fifteen  or twenty1 were      
absent at this season4 ,if all had been 
together the  number would now have been
 very considerable2 especially          
considering how  few were together at my
 first coming into this part of the     

country3 the  whole number not amounting
 to ten persons at that time4    8,my   
people went out this day with the design
 of clearing some of their  land1 above 
fifteen miles distant from this         
settlement1 in order to  their settling 
there in a compact form1 where they     
might be under the  advantages of       
attending the public worship of ,god1 of
 having their  children taught in a     
school1 and at the same time have a     
conveniency for  planting3 their land1  
in the place of our present residence1  
being of  little or no value for that   
purpose4 ,the design of their settling  
thus  in a body1 and cultivating their  
lands1 of which they have done very     
little in their ,pagan state1 being of  
such necessity and importance to  their 
religious interest as well as worldly   
comfort2 ,i thought it proper  to call  
them together1 and show them the duty of
 laboring with  faithfulness and        
industry1 and that they must not now    
#8be slothful in  business1' as they had

 ever been in their ,pagan state4 ,i    
endeavored to  press the importance of  
their being laborious1 diligent1 and    
vigorous in  the prosecution of their   
business2 especially at the present     
juncture1  the season of planting being 
now near1 in order to their being in a  
capacity of living together1 and        
enjoying the means of grace and         
instruction4 ,having given them         
directions for their work1 which they   
very much wanted1 as well as for their  
behavior in divers respects2 ,i         
explained1 sang1 and endeavored to      
inculcate upon them ,dr4 ,watts' ,psalm1
                       ,if ,god to build
 the house deny c4    and having        
recommended them1 and the design of     
their going forth1 to  ,god1 by prayer  
with them1 ,i dismissed them to their   
business4    8,in the evening read and  
expounded to those of my people who were
 yet at  home1 and to the strangers     
newly come1 the substance of the #c;d   
chapter  of the ,acts4 ,numbers seemed  

to melt under the word2 especially while
 ,i  was discoursing upon verse #ai4    
#8,repent ye1 therefore1 and be         
converted1'  c4 ,several of the         
strangers also were affected4 ,when ,i  
asked them  afterward1 whether they did 
not now feel that their hearts were     
wicked1  as ,i had taught them2 one of  
them replied1 #8,yes1 she felt it now4' 
,although before she came here1 upon    
hearing that ,i taught the ,indians     
that their hearts were all bad by       
nature1 and needed to be changed and    
made good by the power of ,god2 she had 
said1 #8,her heart was not wicked1  and 
she had never done any thing that was   
bad in her life4' ,this1  indeed1 seems 
to be the case with them1 ,i think      
universally1 in their  pagan state4     
,they seem to have no consciousness of  
sin and guilt1 unless  they can charge  
themselves with some gross acts of sin  
contrary to the  commands of the second 
table4    ,march #bg4--8;,discoursed to 
a number of my people in one of their   

houses  in a more private manner4       
,inquired particularly into their       
spiritual  states1 in order to see what 
impressions they were under4 ,laid      
before  them the marks of a regenerate1 
as well as of an unregenerate state2 and
  endeavored to suit and direct my      
discourse to them severally1 according  
as ,i apprehended their states to be4   
,there were a considerable number       
gathered together before ,i finished my 
discourse2 and several seemed  much     
affected while ,i was urging the        
necessity and infinite importance  of   
getting into a renewed state4 ,i find   
particular and close dealing  with souls
 in private is often very successful4   
,march #bi4--8;,in the evening          
catechised1 as usual upon ,saturday4    
,treated  upon the benefits which       
believers receive from ,christ at death4
 ,the  questions were answered with     
great readiness and propriety2 and those
  who ,i have reason to think are the   
dear people of ,god were in general     

sweetly melted4 ,there appeared such a  
liveliness and vigor in their           
attendance upon the word of ,god1 and   
such eagerness to be made partakers  of 
the benefits mentioned1 that they seemed
 not only to be #8looking  for1' but    
#8hasting to1 the coming of the day of  
,god4' ,divine truths  seemed to distil 
upon the audience with a gentle but     
melting efficacy1  as the refreshing    
#8showers upon the new mown grass4' ,the
 assembly in  general1 as well as those 
who appear truly religious1 were        
affected with  some brief accounts of   
the blessedness of the godly at death2  
and most  of them then discovered an    
affectionate inclination to cry #8,let  
me die  the death of the righteous1 and 
let my last end be like his2' although  
many were not duly engaged to obtain the
 change of heart that is  necessary to  
that blessed end4    ,lord's day1 ,march
 #cj4--8;,discoursed from ,matt4        
#be3ca-dj4 ,there was a  very           
considerable moving1 and affectionate   

melting1 in the assembly4 ,i  hope that 
there were some real1 deep1 and abiding 
impressions of divine  things made upon 
the minds of many4 ,there was one aged  
man1 newly come  among us1 who appeared 
to be considerably awakened that never  
was  touched with any concern for his   
soul before4 ,in the evening catechised4
  ,there was not that tenderness and    
melting engagement among ,god's people  
which appeared the evening before1 and  
many other times4 ,they answered  the   
questions distinctly1 and well1 and were
 devout and attentive in  divine        
service4    ,march #ca4--8;,called my   
people together1 as ,i had done the     
,monday evening  before1 and discoursed 
to them again on the necessity and      
importance of  laboring industriously in
 order to their living together1 and    
enjoying  the means of grace1 c4 ,having
 engaged in a solemn prayer to ,god     
among  them for a blessing upon their   
attempts1 ,i dismissed them to their    
work4  ,numbers of them1 both men and   

women1 seemed to offer themselves       
willingly to this service2 and some     
appeared affectionately concerned  that 
,god might go with them1 and begin their
 little town for them2 that  by his     
blessing it might be a place comfortable
 for them and theirs1  with regard both 
to procuring the necessaries of life and
 to attending  on the worship of ,god4  
,april #e4--8;,catechised in the        
evening4 ,there appeared to be some     
affection and fervent engagement in     
divine service through the assembly  in 
general2 especially toward the          
conclusion of my discourse4 ,after      
public worship a number of those who ,i 
have reason to think are truly          
religious came to my house1 and seemed  
eager for some farther  entertainment   
upon divine things4 ,while ,i was       
conversing with them about  their       
scriptural exercises2 observing to them1
 that ,god's work in the  hearts of all 
his children was1 for substance the     
same2 and that their  trials and        

temptations were also alike2 and showing
 the obligations such  were under to    
love one another in a peculiar manner1  
they seemed to be  melted into          
tenderness and affection toward each    
other4 ,i thought that  this particular 
token of their being the disciples of   
,christ1 viz4 of  their having love one 
toward another1 had scarcely ever       
appeared more  evident than at this     
time4    ,lord's day1 ,april            
#f4--8,preached from ,matt4 #g3ba-bc4   
,there were  considerable effects of the
 word visible in the audience1 and such 
as  were very desirable2 an earnest     
attention1 a great solemnity1 many tears
  and heavy sighs1 which were modestly  
suppressed in a considerable  measure1  
and appeared unaffected and without any 
indecent commotion of  the passions4    
,numbers of the religious people were   
put upon serious and  close examination 
of their spiritual state by hearing that
 #8not every  one that saith to ,christ1
 ,lord1 ,lord1 shall enter into his     

kingdom4'  ,some expressed fears lest   
they had deceived themselves1 and taken 
up a  false hope1 because they found    
they had done so little of the will of  
his ,father who is in heaven4    8,there
 was one man brought under a very great 
and pressing concern for  his soul2     
which appeared more especially after his
 retirement from  public worship4 ,that 
which he says gave him his great        
uneasiness was1  not so much any        
particular sin1 as that he had never    
done the will of  ,god at all1 but had  
sinned continually1 and so had no claim 
to the  kingdom of heaven4 ,in the      
afternoon ,i opened to them the         
discipline of  ,christ in his ,church1  
and the method in which offenders are to
 be dealt  with2 at which time the      
religious people were much affected2    
especially  when they heard that the    
offender1 continuing obstinate1 must    
finally be  esteemed and treated #8as an
 heathen man1' as a pagan1 who has no   
part  nor lot among ,god's visible      

people4 ,of this they seemed to have the
 most  awful apprehensions2 a state of  
heathenism1 out of which they were so   
lately brought1 appearing very dreadful 
to them4    8,after public worship ,i   
visited several houses to see how they  
spent the  remainder of the ,sabbath1   
and to treat with them solemnly on the  
great  concerns of their souls4 ,the    
,lord seemed to smile upon my private   
endeavors1 and to make these particular 
and personal addresses more  effectual  
upon some than my public discourses4    
,april #g4--8;,discoursed to my people  
in the evening1 from #a ,cor4           
#aa3bc-bf4 ,endeavored to open to them  
the institution1 nature1 and ends  of   
the ,lord's ,supper1 as well as of the  
qualifications and preparations         
necessary to the right participation of 
that ordinance4 ,numbers appeared  much 
affected with the love of ,christ1      
manifested in his making this  provision
 for the comfort of his people1 at a    
season when himself was  just entering  

upon his sharpest sufferings4    ,lord's
 day1 ,april #bj4--8;,discoursed1 both  
forenoon and afternoon1 from  ,luke1    
#bd2 explaining most of the chapter1 and
 making remarks upon it4  ,there was a  
desirable attention in the audience2    
though there was not so  much appearance
 of affection and tenderness among them 
as had been  usual4 ,our meeting was    
very full2 there being sundry strangers 
present  who had never been with us     
before4    8,in the evening catechised4 
,my people answered the questions       
proposed to  them readily and           
distinctly2 and ,i could perceive that  
they advanced in  their knowledge of the
 principles of ,christianity4 ,there    
appeared an  affectionate melting in the
 assembly at this time4 ,several1 who ,i
 trust  are truly religious1 were       
refreshed and quickened1 and seemed by  
their  discourse and behavior after     
public worship to have their #8hearts   
knit  together in love4' ,this was a    
sweet and blessed season1 like many     

others  with which my poor people have  
been favored in months past4 ,god has   
caused this little fleece to be         
repeatedly wet with the blessed dew of  
his divine grace1 while all the earth   
around has been comparatively dry4      
,april #be4--8,set apart this day1 as   
preparatory to the administration of    
the ,lord's ,supper1 for solemn fasting 
and prayer4 ,the design was to  implore 
the blessing of ,god upon our renewing  
covenant with him1 and  with one        
another1 to walk together in the fear of
 ,god1 in love and  ,christian          
fellowship1 and to entreat that his     
presence might be with us  in our       
designed approach to his table2 as well 
as to humble ourselves  before ,god on  
account of the apparent withdrawment1 at
 least in a  measure1 of that blessed   
influence which has been so prevalent   
upon  persons of all ages among us2 as  
also on account of the rising           
appearance of carelessness1 vanity1 and 
vice1 among some who once  appeared to  

be touched and affected with divine     
truth1 and brought to  some sensibility 
of their miserable and perishing state  
by nature4 ,it  was also designed that  
we might importunately pray for the     
peaceable  settlement of the ,indians   
together in a body2 that they might be a
  commodious congregation for the       
worship of ,god2 and that ,god would    
defeat all the attempts that were1 or   
might be1 made against that pious       
design4,g    ,footnote ,g3      ,there  
was at this time a terrible clamor      
raised against the ,indians in          
various places in the country1 and      
insinuations as though ,i was           
training them up to cut people's        
throats4 ,numbers wished to have them   
banished from these parts1 and some gave
 out great words in order to    fright  
and deter them from settling upon the   
best and most convenient    tract of    
their own lands2 threatening to trouble 
them in the law2    pretending a claim  
to these lands themselves1 although     

never purchased    of the ,indians4     
8,the solemnity was observed and        
seriously attended1 not only by those   
who proposed to commune at the ,lord's  
table1 but by the whole  congregation4  
,in the former part of the day ,i       
endeavored to open to my  people the    
nature and design of a fast1 as ,i had  
attempted more briefly  to do before1   
and to instruct them in the duties of   
such a solemnity4 ,in  the afternoon ,i 
insisted on the special reasons there   
were for our  engaging in these solemn  
exercises at this time2 both in regard  
to the  need we stood in of divine      
assistance1 in order to a due           
preparation for  that sacred ordinance1 
upon which some of us were proposing1   
with leave  of divine ,providence1      
speedily to attend2 and also in respect 
of the  manifest decline of ,god's work 
here1 as to the effectual conviction and
  conversion of sinners2 there having   
been few of late deeply awakened out  of
 a state of security4 ,the worship of   

,god was attended with great  solemnity 
and reverence1 with much tenderness and 
many tears1 by those  who appeared to be
 truly religious2 and there was some    
appearance of  divine power upon those  
who had been awakened some time before1 
and who  were still under concern4      
8,after repeated prayer1 and attendance 
upon the word of ,god1 ,i proposed  to  
the religious people1 with as much      
brevity and plainness as ,i could1  the 
substance of the doctrine of the        
christian faith1 as ,i had formerly     
done2 and had their renewed cheerful    
assent to it4 ,i then led them to a     
solemn renewal of their covenant1       
wherein they had explicitly and         
publicly given up themselves to ,god the
 ,father1 ,son1 and ,holy ,ghost1       
avouching him to be their ,god2 and at  
the same time renouncing their          
heathenish vanities1 their idolatrous   
and superstitious practices2  solemnly  
engaging to take the ,word of ,god1 so  
far as it was or might be  made known to

 them1 for the rule of their lives2     
promising to walk  together in love1 to 
watch over themselves and one another1  
to lead  lives of seriousness and       
devotion1 and to discharge the relative 
duties  incumbent on them respectively1 
c4 ,this solemn transaction was attended
  with much gravity and seriousness2 and
 at the same time with the utmost       
readiness1 freedom and cheerfulness2 and
 a religious union and harmony  of soul 
seemed to crown the whole solemnity4 ,i 
could not but think in  the evening1    
that there had been manifest tokens of  
the divine presence  with us in all the 
several services of the day2 though it  
was also  manifest that there was not   
that concern among ,christless souls    
which  has often appeared here4         
,april #bf4--8,toward noon prayed with a
 dying child1 and gave a word of        
exhortation to the bystanders to prepare
 for death2 which seemed to take  effect
 upon some4 ,in the afternoon discoursed
 to my people from ,matthew1  #bf3bf-cj2

 of the author1 the nature1 and designs 
of the ,lord's supper2  and endeavored  
to point out the worthy receivers of    
that ordinance4 ,the  religious people  
were affected1 and even melted with     
divine truth1--with  a view of the dying
 love of ,christ4 ,several others1 who  
had been for  some months under         
convictions of their perishing state1   
appeared now to  be much moved with     
concern1 and afresh engaged in seeking  
after an  interest in ,christ2 although 
,i cannot say that the word of ,god     
appeared  so quick and powerful1 so     
sharp and piercing to the assembly1 as  
it had  sometimes formerly done4    8,in
 the evening ,i catechised those who    
were designed to partake of the  ,lord's
 supper the next day1 upon the          
institution1 nature and end of that     
ordinance2 and had abundant satisfaction
 respecting their doctrinal  knowledge  
and fitness in that respect for an      
attendance upon it4 ,they  likewise     
appeared in general to have an affecting

 sense of the solemnity  of this sacred 
ordinance1 and to be humbled under a    
sense of their own  unworthiness to     
approach to ,god in it2 and to be       
earnestly concerned  that they might be 
duly prepared for an attendance upon it4
 ,their hearts  were full of love one   
toward another1 and that was the frame  
of mind  they seemed concerned to       
maintain and bring to the ,lord's table 
with  them4 ,in the singing and prayer  
after catechising1 there appeared an    
agreeable tenderness and melting among  
them2 and such tokens of  brotherly love
 and affection as would even constrain  
one to say1 #8,lord1  it is good to be  
here2' it is good to dwell where such an
 heavenly  influence distills4          
,lord's day1 ,april #bg4--8,preached    
from ,tit4 #b3ad2 #8,who gave himself   
for  us1' c4 ,the word of ,god1 at this 
time1 was attended with some  appearance
 of divine power upon the assembly2 so  
that the attention and  gravity of the  
audience were remarkable2 and especially

 toward the  conclusion of the exercise1
 many persons were much affected4       
,administered the ,lord's supper to     
twenty three persons of the ,indians1   
the number of the men and women being   
nearly equal2 several others1 to  the   
number of five or six1 being now absent 
at the ,forks of  ,delaware1 who would  
otherwise have communed with us4 ,the   
ordinance was  attended with great      
solemnity1 and with a most desirable    
tenderness and  affection4 ,it was      
remarkable that during the              
administration of the  ordinance1       
especially in the distribution of the   
bread1 they seemed to  be affected in a 
most lively manner1 as if ,christ had   
been really  crucified before them4 ,the
 words of the institution1 when repeated
 and  enlarged upon in the season of the
 administration1 seemed to meet with    
the same reception1 to be entertained   
with the same free and full belief  and 
affectionate engagement of soul1 as if  
the ,lord ,jesus ,christ himself  had   

been present1 and had personally spoken 
to them4 ,the affections of  the        
communicants1 although considerably     
raised1 were1 notwithstanding1          
agreeably regulated and kept within     
proper bounds4 ,so that there was a     
sweet1 gentle1 and affectionate melting1
 without any indecent or  boisterous    
commotion of the passions4    8,having  
rested sometime after the administration
 of the ,supper1 being  extremely tired 
with the necessary prolixity of the     
work1 ,i walked from  house to house1   
and conversed particularly with most of 
the  communicants1 and found they had   
been almost universally refreshed at    
the ,lord's table1 #8as with new wine4' 
,never did ,i see such an appearance  of
 ,christian love among any people in all
 my life4 ,it was so remarkable1  that  
one might well have cried with an       
agreeable surprise1 #8,behold how  they 
love one another4' ,i think there could 
be no greater tokens of  mutual         
affection among the people of ,god1 in  

the early days of  ,christianity1 than  
what now appeared here4 ,the sight was  
so desirable1  and so well becoming the 
gospel1 that nothing less could be said 
of it  than it was #8the doing of the   
,lord1' the genuine operation of ,him1  
#8who  is ,love4'    8,toward night     
discoursed again on the forementioned   
text1 ,tit4 #b3ad2 and  insisted on the 
immediate end and design of ,christ's   
death3 viz4 ,that he  might redeem his  
people from all iniquity1 c4 ,this      
appeared to be a  season of divine power
 among us4 ,the religious people were   
much  refreshed1 and seemed remarkably  
tender and affectionate1 full of love1  
joy1 and peace1 and desirous of being   
completely #8redeemed from all          
iniquity2' so that some of them         
afterward told me that #8they had never 
felt the like before4' ,convictions also
 appeared to be revived in many         
instances2 and several persons were     
awakened whom ,i had never observed     
under any religious impressions before4 

8,such was the influence which attended 
our assembly1 and so unspeakably        
desirable the frame of mind which many  
enjoyed in divine service1 that  it     
seemed almost grievous to conclude the  
public worship4 ,the  congregation1 when
 dismissed1 although it was then almost 
dark1 appeared  loth to leave the place 
and employments which had been rendered 
so dear  to them by the benefits        
enjoyed1 while a blessed quickening     
influence  distilled upon them4 ,upon   
the whole1 ,i must say1 ,i had great    
satisfaction relative to the            
administration of this ordinance in     
various  respects4 ,i have abundant     
reason to think1 that those who came to 
the  ,lord's table had a good degree of 
doctrinal knowledge of the nature and   
design of the ordinance1 and that they  
acted with understanding in what  they  
did4    8,in the preparatory services ,i
 found1 ,i may justly say1 uncommon     
freedom  in opening to their            
understandings and capacities1 the      

covenant of  grace1 and in showing them 
the nature of this ordinance4 ,they were
  likewise thoroughly sensible that it  
was no more than a sign1 and not  the   
real body and blood of ,christ2 that it 
was designed for the  refreshment and   
edification of the soul1 and not for the
 feasting of  the body4 ,they were also 
acquainted with the end of the          
ordinance1  that they were therein      
called to commemorate the dying love of 
,christ4    8,this competency of        
doctrinal knowledge1 together with their
 grave and  decent attendance upon the  
ordinance1 their affectionate melting   
under  it1 and the sweet and ,christian 
frame of mind which they discovered     
after it1 gave me great satisfaction    
respecting my administration of it  to  
them4 ,o1 what a sweet and blessed      
season was this6 ,god himself1 ,i am    
persuaded1 was in the midst of his      
people4 ,i doubt not but many1 in the   
conclusion of the day1 could say with   
their whole hearts1 ',verily1 a day     

thus spent in ,god's house is better    
than a thousand elsewhere4' ,there      
seemed to be but one heart among the    
pious people4 ,the sweet union1  harmony
 and endearing love and tenderness      
subsisting among them was1 ,i  thought1 
the most lively emblem of the heavenly  
world which ,i had ever  seen4    ,april
 #bh4--8;,concluded the solemnity of the
 ,lord's supper with a  discourse upon  
,john1 #ad3ae4 #8,if ye love me1 keep my
 commandments4' ,at  this time there    
appeared a very agreeable tenderness in 
the audience in  general1 but especially
 in the communicants4 ,o1 how free1 how 
engaged  and affectionate did these     
appear in the service of ,god6 they     
seemed  willing to have their ears bored
 to the door posts of ,god's house1 and 
to be his servants for ever4            
8,observing numbers in this excellent   
frame1 and the assembly in general      
affected1 and that by a divine          
influence1 ,i thought it proper to      
improve  this advantageous season as    

,hezekiah did the desirable season of   
his  great passover1 #b ,chron4 #ca1 in 
order to promote the blessed reformation
  begun among them2 and to engage those 
that appeared serious and  religious to 
persevere therein4 ,accordingly ,i      
proposed to them1 that  they should     
renewedly enter into covenant before    
,god1 that they would  watch over       
themselves and one another1 lest they   
should dishonor the  name of ,christ by 
falling into sinful and unbecoming      
practices2 and  especially that they    
would watch against the sin of          
drunkenness1 #8the  sin that easily     
besets them1' and the temptations       
leading thereto1 as  well as the        
appearance of evil in that respect4     
,they cheerfully complied  with the     
proposal1 and explicitly joined in that 
covenant2 whereupon ,i  proceeded in the
 most solemn manner of which ,i was     
capable1 to call ,god  to witness       
respecting their sacred engagements1 and
 reminded them of the  greatness of the 

guilt they would contract to themselves 
in the  violation of it1 as well as     
observed to them that ,god would be a   
terrible witness against those1 who     
should presume to do so in the great    
and notable day of the ,lord4 ,it was a 
season of amazing solemnity2 and a      
divine awe appeared upon the face of the
 whole assembly in this  transaction4   
,affectionate sobs1 sighs and tears were
 now frequent in the  audience2 and ,i  
doubt not but that many silent cries    
were then sent up  to the ,fountain of  
grace for supplies of grace sufficient  
for the  fulfilment of these solemn     
engagements4    ,lord's day1 ,may       
#d4--8,my people being now removed to   
their lands1  mentioned in my diary of  
,march #bd1 where they were then and    
have since  been making provision for a 
compact settlement1 in order to their   
more  convenient enjoyment of the       
,gospel and other means of instruction1 
as  well as of the comforts of life2 ,i 
this day visited them2 being now        

obliged to board with an ,english family
 at some distance from them2 and        
preached to them in the forenoon from   
,mark1 #d3e4 ,endeavored to show them   
the reason there was to fear1 lest many 
promising appearances and  hopeful      
beginnings in religion might prove      
abortive1 like the seed  dropped upon   
stony places4    8,in the afternoon     
discoursed upon ,rom4 #h3i4 #8,now1 if  
any man have not  the spirit of ,christ1
 he is none of his4' ,i have reason to  
think this  discourse was peculiarly    
seasonable1 and that it had a good      
effect upon  some of the hearers4 ,spent
 some hours afterward in private        
conference  with my people1 and labored 
to regulate some things which ,i        
apprehended  amiss among some of them4  
,may #e4--8,visited my people again1 and
 took care of their worldly  concerns2  
giving them directions relating to their
 business4 ,i daily  discover more and  
more of what importance it is likely to 
be to their  religious interests1 that  

they become laborious and industrious1  
acquainted with the affairs of          
husbandry1 and able in a good measure to
  raise the necessaries and comforts of 
life within themselves2 for their       
present method of living greatly exposes
 them to temptations of various  kinds4 
,may #i4--8,preached from ,john1 #e3dj1 
in the open wilderness2 the ,indians    
having as yet no house for public       
worship in this place1 nor scarcely  any
 shelters for themselves4 ,divine truths
 made considerable impressions  upon the
 audience1 and it was a season of great 
solemnity1 tenderness1  and affection4  
8,this day received into communion the  
conjurer1 murderer1 c4 mentioned  in my 
diary of ,august #h1 #agde1 and         
,february #a1 #agdf1 who appears to be  
such a remarkable instance of divine    
grace that ,i cannot omit to give  some 
brief account of him here4 ,he lived    
near1 and sometimes attended my  meeting
 at the ,forks of ,delaware1 for more   
than a year2 but was1 like  many others 

of them1 extremely attached to strong   
drink1 and seemed to  be in no degree   
reformed by the means which ,i used with
 them for their  instruction and        
conversion4 ,at this time he likewise   
murdered a likely  young ,indian1 which 
threw him into some kind of horror and  
desperation1  so that he kept at a      
distance from me1 and refused to hear me
 preach for  several months together1   
until ,i had an opportunity of          
conversing freely  with him1 and giving 
him encouragement1 that his sin might be
 forgiven1  for ,christ's sake4 ,after  
this he again attended my meeting       
sometimes4    8,but that which was the  
worst of all his conduct1 was his       
conjuration4  ,he was one of those who  
are sometimes called powaws among the   
,indians2  and1 notwithstanding his     
frequent attendance upon my preaching1  
he still  followed his old charms and   
juggling tricks1 #8giving out that      
himself  was some great one1 and to him 
they gave heed1' supposing him to be    

possessed of great power4 ,when ,i have 
instructed them respecting the  miracles
 wrought by ,christ in healing the sick1
 c4 and mentioned them  as evidence of  
his divine mission1 and the truths of   
his doctrine2 they  have quickly        
observed the wonders of that kind which 
this man had  performed by his magic    
charms4 ,hence they had a high opinion  
of him and  his superstitious notions2  
which seemed to be a fatal obstruction  
to  some of them in regard to their     
receiving the ,gospel4 ,i had often     
thought that it would be a great favor  
to the design of evangelizing  these    
,indians1 if ,god would take that wretch
 out of the world2 for ,i had  scarcely 
any hope of his ever becoming good4 ,but
 ,god1 whose thoughts are  not as man's 
thoughts1 has been pleased to take a    
much more desirable  method with him2 a 
method agreeable to his own merciful    
nature1 and ,i  trust advantageous to   
his own interest among the ,indians1 as 
well as  effectual to the salvation of  

his poor soul4 ,to ,god be the glory of 
it4    8,the first genuine concern for  
his soul was excited by seeing my       
interpreter and his wife publicly       
profess ,christ1 at the ,forks of       
,delaware1 ,july #ba1 #agde2 which so   
prevailed upon him1 that with the       
invitation of an ,indian who was a      
friend to ,christianity1 he followed me 
down to ,crossweeksung1 in the beginning
 of ,august1 in order to hear me        
preach2 and there continued for several 
weeks in the season of the most         
remarkable and powerful awakening among 
the ,indians2 at which time he  was more
 effectually awakened1 and brought under
 great concern for his  soul4 ,and then1
 he says1 upon his #8feeling the word of
 ,god in his  heart1' as he expresses   
it1 his spirit of conjuration left him  
entirely1 so that he has had no more    
power of that nature since1 than  any   
other man living4 ,he also declares1    
that he does not now so much as  know   
how he used to charm and conjure1 and   

that he could not now do any  thing of  
that nature if he were ever so desirous 
of it4    8,he continued under          
convictions of his sinful and perishing 
state1 and a  considerable degree of    
concern for his soul1 all the fall and  
the former  part of the winter past2 but
 was not so deeply exercised until some 
time  in ,january4 ,then the word of    
,god took such hold upon him that he was
  brought into deep distress1 and knew  
not what to do1 nor where to turn       
himself4 ,he then told me1 that when he 
used to hear me preach from time  to    
time in the fall of the year1 my        
preaching pricked his heart1 and  made  
him very uneasy1 but did not bring him  
to so great distress1  because he still 
hoped he could do something for his own 
relief2 but  now1 he said1 ,i drove him 
up in such a sharp corner1 that he had  
no way  to turn1 and could not avoid    
being in distress4 ,he continued        
constantly  under the heavy burden and  
pressure of a wounded spirit1 until at  

length  he was brought into the acute   
anguish and utmost agony of soul1       
mentioned in my ,journal of ,february   
#a1 which continued that night and  part
 of the next day4 ,after this he was    
brought to the utmost calmness  and     
composure of mind2 his trembling and    
heavy burden were removed2 and  he      
appeared perfectly sedate1 although he  
had to his apprehensions  scarcely any  
hope of salvation4    8,i observed him  
to appear remarkably composed2 and      
therefore asked him  how he did8 ,he    
replied1 #8,it is done1 it is done1 it  
is all done now4' ,i  asked him what he 
meant8 ,he answered1 #8,i can never do  
any more to save  myself2 it is all done
 for ever4 ,i can do no more4' ,i       
queried with him1  whether he could not 
do a little more1 rather than go to     
hell8 ,he  replied1 #8my heart is dead4 
,i can never help myself4' ,i asked him 
what  he thought would become of him    
then8 ,he answered1 #8,i must go to     
hell4' ,i  asked him if he thought it   

was right that ,god should send him to  
hell8  ,he replied1 #8,o it is right4   
,the devil has been in me ever since ,i 
was  born4' ,i asked him if he felt this
 when he was in such great distress  the
 evening before8 ,he answered1 #8,no2 ,i
 did not then think it was right4  ,i   
thought ,god would send me to hell1 and 
that ,i was then dropping into  it2 but 
my heart quarrelled with ,god1 and would
 not say it was right he  should send me
 there4 ,but now ,i know it is right2   
for ,i have always  served the devil2   
and my heart has no goodness in it now1 
but it is as  bad as ever it was1' c4 ,i
 thought ,i had scarcely ever seen any  
person  more effectually brought off    
from a dependance upon his own          
contrivances  and endeavors for         
salvation1 or more apparently to lie at 
the foot of  sovereign mercy1 than this 
man did under these views of things4    
8,in this frame of mind he continued for
 several days1 passing sentence  of     
condemnation upon himself1 and          

constantly owning that it would be      
right he should be damned1 and that he  
expected this would be his  portion for 
the greatness of his sins4 ,yet it was  
plain that he had a  secret hope of     
mercy1 though imperceptible to himself1 
which kept him  not only from despair   
but from any pressing distress3 so that1
 instead  of being sad and dejected1 his
 very countenance appeared pleasant and 
agreeable4    8,while he was in this    
frame he several times asked me #8,when 
,i would  preach again8' and seemed     
desirous to hear the word of ,god every 
day4 ,i  asked1 #8,why he wanted to hear
 me preach1 seeing his heart was dead1  
and  all was done2 that he could never  
help himself1 and expected that he  must
 go to hell8' ,he replied1 #8,i love to 
hear you speak about ,christ for  all4' 
,i added1 ',but what good will that do  
you1 if you must go to hell  at         
last8'--using now his own language with 
him1 having before from time  to time   
labored in the best manner ,i could to  

represent to him the  excellency of     
,christ1 his all-sufficiency and        
willingness to save lost  sinners1 and  
persons just in his case2 although to no
 purpose1 as to  yielding him any       
special comfort4 ,he answered1 #8,i     
would have others come  to ,christ1 if  
,i must go to hell myself4' ,it was     
remarkable1 that he  seemed to have a   
great love for the people of ,god2 and  
nothing affected  him so much as the    
thought of being separated from them4   
,this seemed to  be a very dreadful part
 of the hell to which he saw himself    
doomed4 ,it  was likewise remarkable1   
that in this season he was most diligent
 in the  use of all the means for the   
soul's salvation2 although he had the   
clearest view of the inefficiency of    
means to afford him help4 ,he would     
frequently say1 that all he did         
signified nothing at all2 and yet was   
never more constant in doing2 attending 
secret and family prayer daily1  and    
surprisingly diligent and attentive in  

hearing the word of ,god2 so  that he   
neither despaired of mercy1 nor yet     
presumed to hope upon his  own doings1  
but used means because appointed of ,god
 in order to  salvation2 and because he 
would wait upon ,god in his own way4    
8,after he had continued in this frame  
of mind more than a week1 while ,i  was 
discoursing publicly1 he seemed to have 
a lively soul-refreshing  view of the   
excellency of ,christ and the way of    
salvation by him1 which  melted him into
 tears1 and filled him with admiration1 
comfort1  satisfaction and praise to    
,god4 ,since then he has appeared to be 
a  humble1 devout and affectionate      
,christian2 serious and exemplary in his
  conversation and behavior1 frequently 
complaining of his barrenness1 his  want
 of spiritual warmth1 life and activity1
 and yet frequently favored  with       
quickening and refreshing influences4   
,in all respects1 so far as ,i  am      
capable of judging1 he bears the marks  
of one #8created anew in ,christ  ,jesus

 to good works4'    8,his zeal for the  
cause of ,god was pleasing to me when he
 was with me at  the ,forks of ,delaware
 in ,february last4 ,there being an old 
,indian at the  place where ,i preached 
who threatened to bewitch me1 and my    
religious  people who accompanied me    
there2 this man presently challenged him
 to do  his worst1 telling him that     
himself had been as great a conjurer as 
he2  and that notwithstanding1 as soon  
as he felt that word in his heart  which
 these people loved1 meaning the word of
 ,god1 his power of  conjuring          
immediately left him4 #8,and so it would
 you1' said he1 #8if you  did but once  
feel it in your heart2 and you have no  
power to hurt them1  nor so much as to  
touch one of them1' c4 ,so that ,i may  
conclude my  account of him by          
observing1 in allusion to what was said 
of ,st4 ,paul1  that he now zealously   
#8defends and practically preaches the  
faith which  he once destroyed1' or at  
least was instrumental in obstructing4  

,may ,god  have the glory of the amazing
 change which he has wrought in him4    
,lord's day1 ,may #ah4--8;,discoursed   
both parts of the day from ,rev4 #c3bj1 
#8,behold ,i stand at the door and      
knock4' ,there appeared some            
affectionate  melting toward the        
conclusion of the forenoon exercise1 and
 one or two  instances of fresh         
awakening4 ,in the intermission of      
public worship ,i  took occasion to     
discourse to numbers in a more private  
way1 on the  kindness and patience of   
the blessed ,redeemer in standing and   
knocking1  in continuing his gracious   
calls to sinners1 who had long neglected
 and  abused his grace2 which seemed to 
take some effect upon several4    8,in  
the afternoon divine truth was attended 
with solemnity1 and with  some tears2   
although there was not that powerful    
awakening and  quickening influence     
which in times past has been common in  
our  assemblies4 ,the appearance of the 
audience was comparatively              

discouraging1 and ,i was ready to fear  
that ,god was about to withdraw the     
blessed influence of his ,spirit from   
us4    ,may #ai4--8,visited and preached
 to my people from ,acts1 #bj3ah1 #ai1  
and  endeavored to rectify their notions
 about religious affections2 showing    
them on the one hand the desirableness  
of religious affection1  tenderness and 
fervent engagement in the worship and   
service of ,god1  when such affection   
flows from a true spiritual discovery of
 divine  glories1 from a just sense of  
the transcendant excellence and         
perfections of the blessed ,god1 and a  
view of the glory and loveliness  of the
 great ,redeemer2 and that such views of
 divine things will  naturally excite us
 to #8serve the ,lord with many tears1  
with much  affection and fervency1 and  
yet with all humility of mind4' ,on the 
other  hand1 ,i observed the sinfulness 
of seeking after high affections        
immediately and for their own sakes2    
that is1 of making them the object      

which our eye and heart is first and    
principally set upon1 when the  glory of
 ,god ought to be that object4 ,showed  
them1 that1 if the heart be  directly   
and chiefly fixed on ,god1 and the soul 
engaged to glorify him1  some degree of 
religious affection will be the effect  
and attendant of  it4 ,but to seek after
 affection directly and chiefly2 to have
 the heart  principally set upon that2  
is to place it in the room of ,god and  
his  glory4 ,if it be sought1 that      
others may take notice of it1 and admire
 us  for our spirituality and           
forwardness in religion1 it is then     
abominable  pride2 if for the sake of   
feeling the pleasure of being affected1 
it is  then idolatry and                
self-gratification4 ,labored also to    
expose the  disagreeableness of those   
affections which are sometimes wrought  
up in  persons by the power of fancy1   
and their own attempts for that purpose1
  while ,i still endeavored to recommend
 to them that religious affection1      

fervency and devotion which ought to    
attend all our religious exercises1  and
 without which religion will be but an  
empty name and lifeless  carcase4 ,this 
appeared to be a seasonable discourse1  
and proved very  satisfactory to some of
 the religious people who before were   
exercised  with some difficulties       
relating to this point4 ,afterward took 
care of1  and gave my people directions 
about their worldly affairs4    ,may    
#bd4--8,visited the ,indians1 and took  
care of their secular business2  which  
they are not able to manage themselves  
without the constant care  and advice of
 others4 ,afterward discoursed to some  
of them particularly  about their       
spiritual concerns4--,enjoyed this day  
somewhat of the same  frame of mind     
which ,i felt the day before4    ,lord's
 day1 ,may #be4--8;,discoursed both     
parts of the day from ,john1  #ab3dd-dh4
 ,there was some degree of divine power 
attending the word of  ,god4 ,several   
wept1 and appeared considerably         

affected1 and one1 who had  long been   
under spiritual trouble1 now obtained   
clearness and comfort1  and appeared to 
rejoice in ,god her ,savior4 ,it was a  
day of grace and  divine goodness2 a day
 wherein something ,i trust was done for
 the cause  of ,god among my people2 a  
season of comfort and sweetness to      
numbers of  the religious people2       
although there was not that influence   
upon the  congregation which was common 
some months ago4    ,lord's day1 ,june  
#a4--8,preached both forenoon and       
afternoon from ,matt4  #aa3bg1 #bh4 ,the
 presence of ,god seemed to be in the   
assembly2 and numbers  were considerably
 melted and affected under divine truth4
 ,there was a  desirable appearance in  
the congregation in general1 an earnest 
attention and an agreeable tenderness2  
and it seemed as if ,god designed  to   
visit us with further showers of divine 
grace4 ,i then received into  communion 
five persons2 and was not a little      
refreshed with this  addition made to   

the church of such as ,i hope will be   
saved4 ,i have  reason to hope that ,god
 has lately1 at and since our           
celebration of the  ,lord's supper1     
brought home to himself several persons 
who had long been  under spiritual      
trouble and concern2 although there have
 been few  instances of persons lately  
awakened out of a state of security4    
,those  comforted of late seem to be    
brought in1 in a more silent way2       
neither  their concern1 nor consolation 
being so powerful and remarkable as     
appeared among those more suddenly      
wrought upon in the beginning of this   
work of grace4    ,june #g4--8;,being   
desired by the ,rev4 ,,william ,,tennent
 to be his assistant  in the            
administration of the ,lord's ,supper1  
,i this morning rode to  ,freehold to   
render that assistance4 ,my people also 
being invited to  attend at that        
solemnity1 they cheerfully embraced the 
opportunity1 and  this day attended the 
preparatory services with me4    ,lord's

 day1 ,june #h4--8,most of my people1   
who had been communicants at  the       
,lord's table1 before being present on  
this occasion1 communed with  others in 
the holy ordinance1 at the desire1 and  
,i trust to the  satisfaction and       
comfort of numbers of ,god's people1 who
 had longed to  see this day1 and whose 
hearts had rejoiced in this work of     
grace  among the ,indians1 which        
prepared the way for what appeared so   
agreeable  at this time4 ,those of my   
people who communed1 seemed in general  
agreeably affected at the ,lord's table1
 and some of them considerably  melted  
with the love of ,christ1 although they 
were not so remarkably  refreshed and   
feasted at this time1 as when ,i        
administered this  ordinance to them in 
our own congregation only4 ,some of the 
by-standers were affected with seeing   
those who had been #8aliens from  the   
commonwealth of ,israel1 and strangers  
to the covenant of promise1'  who of all
 men had lived #8without hope and       

without ,god in the world1'  now brought
 near to ,god1 as his professing people1
 by a solemn and  devout attendance upon
 this sacred ordinance4 ,as numbers of  
,god's people  were refreshed at this   
sight1 and thereby excited to bless ,god
 for the  enlargement of his kingdom in 
the world2 so some others1 ,i was told1 
were awakened by it1 apprehending the   
danger they were in of being  themselves
 finally cast out2 while they saw others
 from the east and  west preparing1 and 
hopefully prepared in some good measure1
 to sit down  in the kingdom of ,god4   
,at this season others of my people     
also1 who were  not communicants1 were  
considerably affected2 convictions were 
revived  in several instances2 and one1 
the man particularly mentioned in my    
journal of the #fth instant1 obtained   
comfort and satisfaction2 and has  since
 given me such an account of his        
spiritual exercises1 and the  manner in 
which he obtained relief1 as appears    
very hopeful4 ,it seems as  if ,he1 who 

commanded the light to shine out of     
darkness1 had now #8shined  into his    
heart1 and given him the light of1' and 
experimental #8knowledge  of the glory  
of ,god in the face of ,jesus ,christ4' 
,june #i4--8;,a considerable number of  
my people met together early in a       
retired place in the woods1 and prayed1 
sang1 and conversed of divine  things2  
and were seen by some religious persons 
of the white people to  be affected and 
engaged1 and some of them in tears in   
these religious  exercises4    8,after  
they had attended the concluding        
exercises of the ,lord's ,supper  they  
returned home2 many of them rejoicing   
for all the goodness of ,god  which they
 had seen and felt3 so that this        
appeared to be a profitable  as well as 
comfortable season to numbers of my     
congregation4 ,their being  present at  
this occasion1 and a number of them     
communing at the ,lord's  table with    
other ,christians1 was1 ,i trust1 for   
the honor of ,god and the  interest of  

religion in these parts2 as numbers1 ,i 
have reason to think1  were quickened by
 means of it4    ,june #ac4--8,preached 
to my people upon the new creature1 from
 #b ,cor4  #e3ag4 ,the presence of ,god 
appeared to be in the assembly4 ,it was 
a sweet  and agreeable meeting1 wherein 
the people of ,god were refreshed and   
strengthened2 beholding their faces in  
the glass of ,god's word1 and  finding  
in themselves the marks and lineaments  
of the new creature4 ,some  sinners     
under concern were also renewedly       
affected2 and afresh engaged  for the   
securing of their eternal interests4    
8,three ,indians were at this time      
received into communion4 ,one of them   
was the very aged woman of whose        
exercises ,i gave an account in my      
diary of ,dec4 #bf4 ,she now gave me a  
very punctual1 rational1 and            
satisfactory account of the remarkable  
change which she experienced some       
months after the beginning of her       
concern1 which ,i must say1 appeared to 

be the genuine operations of the ,divine
 ,spirit1 so ,air as ,i am capable  of  
judging4 ,although she was become so    
childish1 through age1 that ,i  could do
 nothing in a way of questioning her1   
nor scarcely make her  understand any   
thing that ,i asked her2 yet when ,i let
 her alone to go on  with her own story1
 she could give a very distinct and     
particular  relation of the many and    
various exercises of soul she had       
experienced2  so deep were the          
impressions left upon her mind by that  
influence and  those exercises which she
 had experienced4 ,i have great reason  
to think  that she is born anew in her  
old age3 she being1 ,i presume1 upward  
of  eighty4    ,june #ai4--8,visited my 
people with two of the ,reverend        
correspondents4  ,spent some time in    
conversation with some of them upon     
spiritual things2  and took some care of
 their worldly concerns4    8,this day  
makes up a complete year from the first 
time of my preaching  to these ,indians 

in ,new-,jersey4 ,what amazing things   
has ,god wrought1 in  this space of     
time1 for this poor people6 ,what a     
surprising change  appears in their     
tempers and behavior6 ,how are morose   
and savage ,pagans1  in this short      
period1 transformed into agreeable1     
affectionate1 and  humble ,christians6  
and their drunken and ,pagan howlings   
turned into  devout and fervent praises 
to ,god6 ,they #8who were sometimes in  
darkness  are now become light in the   
,lord4' ,may they #8walk as children of 
the  light and of the day6' ,and now to 
,him that is of power to establish them 
according to the gospel1 and the        
preaching of ,christ--to ,god only wise1
  be glory through ,jesus ,christ1 for  
ever and ever1 ,amen40                  
,,general ,,remarks                     
,,on ,,the ,,preceding ,,narrative4     
8,,at the close of this ,narrative ,i   
would make a few ,,general ,,remarks    
upon  what1 to me1 appears worthy of    
notice1 relating to the continued work  

of  grace among my people4    ,i4 8,i   
cannot but take notice1 that ,i have in 
general1 ever since my  first coming    
among the ,indians in ,new-,jersey1 been
 favored with that  assistance which to 
me is uncommon1 in preaching ,christ    
crucified1 and  making him the centre   
and mark to which all my discourses     
among them  were directed4    8,it was  
the principal scope and drift of all my 
discourses to this  people1 for several 
months together1 7after having taught   
them something  of the being and        
perfections of ,god1 his creation of man
 in a state of  rectitude and happiness1
 and the obligations mankind were thence
 under  to love and honor him17 to lead 
them into an acquaintance with their    
deplorable state by nature1 as fallen   
creatures2 their inability to  extricate
 and deliver themselves from it2 the    
utter insufficiency of any  external    
reformations and amendments of life1 or 
of any religious  performances1 of which
 they were capable1 while in this state1

 to bring  them into the favor of ,god1 
and interest them in his eternal mercy2 
thence to show them their absolute need 
of ,christ to redeem and save  them from
 the misery of their fallen state2--to  
open his all-sufficiency  and           
willingness to save the chief of        
sinners2--the freeness and riches of    
divine grace1 proposed #8without money1 
and without price1' to all that  will   
accept the offer2 thereupon to press    
them without delay to betake  themselves
 to him1 under a sense of their misery  
and undone state1 for  relief and       
everlasting salvation2--and to show them
 the abundant  encouragement the gospel 
proposes to needy1 perishing1 and       
helpless  sinners1 in order to engage   
them so to do4 ,these things1 ,i        
repeatedly  and largely insisted upon   
from time to time4    8,i have          
oftentimes remarked with admiration1    
that whatever subject ,i  have been     
treating upon1 after having spent time  
sufficient to explain  and illustrate   

the truths contained therein1 ,i have   
been naturally and  easily led to       
,christ as the substance of every       
subject4 ,if ,i treated on  the being   
and glorious perfections of ,god2 ,i was
 thence naturally led to  discourse of  
,christ1 as the only 'way to the        
,father4'--,if ,i attempted to  open the
 deplorable misery of our fallen state2 
it was natural from  thence to show the 
necessity of ,christ to undertake for   
us1 to atone for  our sins1 and to      
redeem us from the power of them4--,if  
,i taught the  commands of ,god1 and    
showed our violation of them2 this      
brought me1 in  the most easy and       
natural way1 to speak of1 and recommend 
the ,lord ,jesus  ,christ as one who had
 #8magnified the law' which we had      
broken1 and who  was #8become the end of
 it1 for righteousness1 to every one    
that  believes4' ,never did ,i find so  
much freedom and assistance in making   
all  the various lines of my discourses 
meet together1 and centre in ,christ1   

as ,i have frequently done among these  
,indians4    8,sometimes when ,i have   
had thoughts of offering but a few words
 upon  some particular subject1 and saw 
no occasion1 nor indeed much room1 for  
any considerable enlargement1 there has 
appeared such a fountain of             
gospel-grace shining forth in1 or       
naturally resulting from a just         
explication of it2 and ,christ has      
seemed in such a manner to be pointed   
out as the substance of what ,i was     
considering and explaining2 that ,i     
have been drawn in a way not only easy  
and natural1 proper and  pertinent1 but 
almost unavoidable1 to discourse of him1
 either in regard  to his undertaking1  
incarnation1 satisfaction1 admirable    
fitness for the  work of man's          
redemption1 or the infinite need that   
sinners stand in of  an interest in him2
 which has opened the way for a         
continued strain of  gospel invitation  
to perishing souls1 to come empty and   
naked1 weary and  heavy laden1 and cast 

themselves upon him4    8,as ,i have    
been remarkably influenced and assisted 
to dwell upon the  ,lord ,jesus ,christ1
 and the way of salvation by him1 in the
 general  current of my discourses here1
 and have been1 at times1 surprisingly  
furnished with pertinent matter relating
 to him1 and the design of his          
incarnation2 so ,i have been no less    
assisted oftentimes in an  advantageous 
manner of opening the mysteries of      
divine grace1 and  representing the     
infinite excellencies1 and              
#8unsearchable riches of  ,christ1' as  
well as of recommending him to the      
acceptance of perishing  sinners4 ,i    
have frequently been enabled to         
represent the divine glory1  the        
infinite preciousness and transcendant  
loveliness of the great  ,redeemer1 the 
suitableness of his person and purchase 
to supply the  wants1 and answer the    
utmost desires of immortal souls2--to   
open the  infinite riches of his grace1 
and the wonderful encouragement proposed

  in the gospel to unworthy1 helpless   
sinners2--to call1 invite1 and  beseech 
them to come and give up themselves to  
him1 and be reconciled to  ,god through 
him2--to expostulate with them          
respecting their neglect of  one so     
infinitely lovely1 and freely           
offered2--and this in such a manner1    
with such freedom1 pertinency1 pathos1  
and application to the  conscience1 as1 
,i am sure1 ,i never could have made    
myself master of1 by  the most assiduous
 application of mind4 ,frequently1 at   
such seasons1 ,i  have been surprisingly
 helped in adapting my discourses to the
  capacities of my people1 and bringing 
them down into such easy1 and  familiar 
methods of expression1 as has rendered  
them intelligible even  to ,pagans4     
8,i do not mention these things as a    
recommendation of my own  performances2 
for ,i am sure ,i found1 from time to   
time1 that ,i had no  skill or wisdom   
for my great work2 and knew not how #8to
 choose out  acceptable words' proper to

 address to poor benighted ,pagans4 ,but
 thus  ,god was pleased to help me1     
#8not to know any thing among them1 save
  ,jesus ,christ and him crucified4'    
,thus ,i was enabled to show them their 
misery without him1 and to represent his
 complete fitness to redeem and  save   
them4    8,this was the preaching ,god  
made use of for awakening sinners1 and  
the  propagation of this #8work of grace
 among the ,indians4' ,it was           
remarkable1 from time to time1 that when
 ,i was favored with any special        
freedom1 in discoursing of the #8ability
 and willingness of ,christ to  save    
sinners1' and #8the need in which they  
stood of such a ,savior2'  there was    
then the greatest appearance of divine  
power in awakening  numbers of secure   
souls1 promoting convictions begun1 and 
comforting the  distressed4    8,i have 
sometimes formerly1 in reading the      
,apostle's discourse to  ,cornelius1    
7,acts1 #aj17 wondered to see him so    
quickly introduce the ,lord  ,jesus     

,christ into his sermon1 and so entirely
 dwell upon him through the  whole of   
it1 observing him in this point very    
widely to differ from many  of our      
modern preachers2 but latterly this has 
not seemed strange1 since  ,christ has  
appeared to be the substance of the     
gospel and the centre in  which the     
several lines of divine revelation meet4
 ,still ,i am sensible  that there are  
many things necessary to be spoken to   
persons under ,pagan  darkness1 in order
 to make way for a proper introduction  
of the name of  ,christ1 and his        
undertaking in behalf of fallen man4    
,,ii4 8,it is worthy of remark1 that    
numbers of these people are brought to  
a strict compliance with the rules of   
morality and sobriety1 and to a         
conscientious performance of the        
external duties of ,christianity1 by the
  internal power and influence of divine
 truth--the peculiar doctrines of  grace
 upon their minds2 without their having 
these moral duties  frequently repeated 

and inculcated upon them1 and the       
contrary vices  particularly exposed and
 spoken against4 ,what has been the     
general  strain and drift of my         
preaching among these ,indians1 what    
were the  truths ,i principally insisted
 upon1 and how ,i was influenced and    
enabled  to dwell from time to time1    
upon the peculiar doctrines of grace1 ,i
 have  already stated4 ,those doctrines1
 which had the most direct tendency to  
humble the fallen creature2 to show him 
the misery of his natural state2  to    
bring him down to the foot of sovereign 
mercy1 and to exalt the great           
,redeemer--discover his transcendant    
excellency and infinite preciousness1   
and so recommend him to the sinner's    
acceptance--were the subject-matter  of 
what was delivered in public and private
 to them1 and from time to  time        
repeated and inculcated4    8,god was   
pleased to give these divine truths such
 a powerful influence  upon the minds of
 these people1 and so to bless them for 

the effectual  awakening of numbers of  
them1 that their lives were quickly     
reformed1  without my insisting upon the
 precepts of morality1 and spending time
 in  repeated harangues upon external   
duties4 ,there was indeed no room for   
any kind of discourses but those which  
respected the essentials of  religion1  
and the experimental knowledge of divine
 things1 while there  were so many      
inquiring daily--not how they should    
regulate their external  conduct1 for   
that1 persons who are honestly disposed 
to comply with  duty1 when known1 may in
 ordinary cases be easily satisfied     
about1  but--how they should escape from
 the wrath they feared1 and felt that   
they deserved1--obtain an effectual     
change of heart1--get an interest in    
,christ1--and come to the enjoyment of  
eternal blessedness8 ,so that my  great 
work still was to lead them into a      
further view of their utter  undoneness 
in themselves1 the total depravity and  
corruption of their  hearts2 that there 

was no manner of goodness in them2 no   
good  dispositions nor desires2 no love 
to ,god1 nor delight in his commands2   
but1 on the contrary1 hatred1 enmity1   
and all manner of wickedness  reigning  
in them3--and at the same time to open  
to them the glorious and  complete      
remedy provided in ,christ for perishing
 sinners1 and offered  freely to those  
who have no goodness of their own1 no   
works of  righteousness which they have 
done1 to recommend them to ,god4        
8,this was the continued strain of my   
preaching2 this my great concern  and   
constant endeavor1 so to enlighten the  
mind1 as thereby duly to  affect the    
heart1 and1 as far as possible1 give    
persons a sense and  feeling of these   
precious and important doctrines of     
grace1 at least  so far as means might  
conduce to it4 ,these were the          
doctrines1 and this  the method of      
preaching1 which were blessed of ,god   
for the awakening1  and ,i trust1 the   
saving conversion of numbers of souls2  

and which were  made the means of       
producing a remarkable reformation among
 the hearers  in general4    8,when     
these truths were felt at heart1 there  
was now no vice  unreformed--no external
 duty neglected4 ,drunkenness1 the      
darling vice1  was broken off1 and      
scarce an instance of it known among my 
hearers for  months together4 ,the      
abusive practice of husbands and wives  
in putting  away each other1 and taking 
others in their stead1 was quickly      
reformed2  so that there are three or   
four couples who have voluntarily       
dismissed  those whom they had          
wrongfully taken1 and now live together 
again in  love and peace4 ,the same     
might be said of all other vicious      
practices4  ,the reformation was        
general2 and all springing from the     
internal  influence of divine truth upon
 their hearts1 and not from any external
  restraints1 or because they had heard 
these vices particularly exposed1  and  
repeatedly spoken against4 ,some of them

 ,i never so much as  mentioned2        
particularly that of the parting of men 
and their wives1 till  some1 having     
their conscience awakened by ,god's     
word1 came1 and of  their own accord    
confessed themselves guilty in that     
respect4 ,when ,i at  any time mentioned
 their wicked practices1 and the sins   
they were guilty  of contrary to the    
light of nature1 it was not with a      
design1 nor  indeed with any hope1 of   
working an effectual reformation in     
their  external manners by this means1  
for ,i knew1 that while the tree        
remained  corrupt1 the fruit would      
naturally be so4 ,my design was to lead 
them1 by  observing the wickedness of   
their lives1 to a view of the corruption
 of  their hearts1 and so to convince   
them of the necessity of a renovation   
of nature1 and to excite them1 with the 
utmost diligence to seek after  that    
great change1 which1 if once obtained1  
,i was sensible1 would of  course       
produce a reformation of external       

manners in every respect4    8,and as   
all vice was reformed upon their feeling
 the power of these  truths upon their  
hearts1 so the external duties of       
,christianity were  complied with1 and  
conscientiously performed from the same 
internal  influence2 family prayer set  
up1 and constantly maintained1 unless   
among  a few who had more lately come1  
and had felt little of this divine      
influence4 ,this duty was constantly    
performed1 even in some families  where 
there were none but females1 and scarce 
a prayerless person was to  be found    
among near an hundred of them4 ,the     
,sabbath was seriously and  religiously 
observed1 and care taken by parents to  
keep their children  orderly upon that  
sacred day2 and this1 not because ,i had
 driven them to  the performance of     
these duties by frequently inculcating  
them1 but  because they had felt the    
power of ,god's word upon their         
hearts1--were  made sensible of their   
sin and misery1 and thence could not but

 pray1  and comply with every thing     
which they knew to be their duty1 from  
what  they felt within themselves4 ,when
 their hearts were touched with a sense 
of their eternal concerns1 they could   
pray with great freedom1 as well  as    
fervency1 without being at the trouble  
first to learn set forms for  that      
purpose4 ,some of them1 who were        
suddenly awakened at their first  coming
 among us1 were brought to pray and cry 
for mercy with the utmost  importunity1 
without ever being instructed in the    
duty of prayer1 or so  much as once     
directed to a performance of it4        
8,the happy effects of these peculiar   
doctrines of grace upon this  people1   
show1 even to demonstration1 that1      
instead of their opening a  door to     
licentiousness1 as many vainly imagine1 
and slanderously  insinuate1 they have a
 directly contrary tendency2 so that a  
close  application1 a sense and feeling 
of them1 will have the most  powerful   
influence toward the renovation1 and    

effectual reformation  both of heart and
 life4    8,happy experience1 as well as
 the word of ,god and the example of    
,christ  and his apostles1 has taught   
me1 that the very method of preaching   
which  is best suited to awaken in      
mankind a sense and lively apprehension 
of  their depravity and misery in a     
fallen state1--to excite them so        
earnestly to seek after a change of     
heart1 as to fly for refuge to free  and
 sovereign grace in ,christ as the only 
hope set before them1--is  likely to be 
most successful in the reformation of   
their external  conduct4 ,i have found  
that close addresses1 and solemn        
applications of  divine truth to the    
conscience1 strike at the root of all   
vice2 while  smooth and plausible       
harangues upon moral virtues and        
external duties1  at best are like to do
 no more than lop off the branches of   
corruption1  while the root of all vice 
remains still untouched4    8,a view of 
the blessed effect of honest endeavors  

to bring home divine  truths to the     
conscience1 and duly to affect the heart
 with them1 has  often reminded me of   
those words of our ,lord1 which ,i have 
thought might  be a proper exhortation  
for ministers in respect to their       
treatment of  others1 as well as for    
persons in general with regard to       
themselves4  #8,cleanse first the inside
 of the cup and platter1 that the       
outside may  be clean also4' ,cleanse1  
says he1 the inside that the outside may
 be  clean4 ,as if he had said1 the only
 effectual way to have the outside      
clean1 is to begin with what is within2 
and if the fountain be purified1  the   
streams will naturally be pure4 ,most   
certain it is1 if we can a  weaken in   
sinners a lively sense of their inward  
pollution and  depravity--their need of 
a change of heart--and so engage them to
 seek  after inward cleansing1 their    
external defilement will naturally be   
cleansed1 their vicious ways of course  
be reformed and their  conversation and 

behavior become regular4    8,now1      
although ,i cannot pretend that the     
reformation among my people  does1 in   
every instance1 spring from a saving    
change of heart2 yet ,i may  truly say1 
it flows from some heart-affecting view 
and sense of divine  truths which all   
have had in a greater or less degree4 ,i
 do not intend1  by what ,i have        
observed here1 to represent the         
preaching of morality and  pressing     
persons to the external performance of  
duty1 to be altogether  unnecessary and 
useless1 especially at times when there 
is less of  divine power attending the  
means of grace1 when1 for want of       
internal  influences1 there is need of  
external restraints4 ,it is doubtless   
among  the things that ought to be done1
 while others are not to be left        
undone4 ,but what ,i principally        
designed by this remark1 was to discover
  a plain matter of fact1 viz4 ,that the
 reformation1 the sobriety1 and the     
external compliance with the rules and  

duties of ,christianity1 appearing      
among my people1 are not the effect of  
any mere doctrinal instruction1  or     
merely rational view of the beauty of   
morality1 but from the internal  power  
and influence which the soul-humbling   
doctrines of grace have had  upon their 
hearts4    ,,iii4 8,it is remarkable1   
that ,god has so continued and renewed  
the  showers of his grace here2 so      
quickly set up his visible kingdom among
  these people2 and so smiled upon them 
in relation to their acquirement  of    
knowledge1 both divine and human4 ,it is
 now nearly a year since the  beginning 
of this gracious outpouring of the      
divine ,spirit among them2  and although
 it has often seemed to decline and     
abate for some short  space of time--as 
may be observed by several passages of  
my ,journal1  where ,i have endeavored  
to note things just as from time to time
 they  appeared to me--yet the shower   
has seemed to be renewed1 and the work  
of  grace revived again4 ,a divine      

influence seems still apparently to     
attend  the means of grace1 in a greater
 or less degree1 in most of our meetings
  for religious exercises2 whereby      
religious persons are refreshed1        
strengthened1 and                       
established1--convictions revived and   
promoted in many  instances1 and some   
few persons newly awakened from time to 
time4 ,it  must be acknowledged1 that   
for some time past there has1 in        
general1  appeared a more manifest      
decline of this work2 and the divine    
,spirit has  seemed1 in a considerable  
measure1 withdrawn1 especially with     
regard to  his awakening influence2 so  
that the strangers who come latterly1   
are  not seized with concern as         
formerly2 and some few who have been    
much  affected with divine truths in    
time past1 now appear less concerned4   
,yet1 blessed be ,god1 there is still an
 appearance of divine power and  grace1 
a desirable degree of tenderness1       
religious affection and  devotion in our

 assemblies4    8,as ,god has continued 
and renewed the showers of his grace    
among this  people for some time1 so he 
has with uncommon quickness set up his  
visible kingdom1 and gathered himself a 
church in the midst of them4  ,fifteen  
individuals1 since the conclusion of my 
last ,journal1 have  made a public      
profession of their faith1 making       
thirty-eight within  the space of eleven
 months1 all of whom appear to have had 
a work of  special grace wrought in     
their hearts2 ,i mean1 to have had the  
experience not only of the awakening1   
but1 in a judgment of charity1 of  the  
renewing influences of the divine       
,spirit4 ,there are many others  under  
solemn concern for their souls1 and deep
 convictions of their sin  and misery1  
but who do not yet give that decisive   
evidence which could  be desired1 of a  
saving change4    8,from the time when1 
as ,i am informed1 some of them were    
attending an  idolatrous feast and      
sacrifice in honor to devils1 to the    

time  when they sat down at the ,lord's 
table1 ,i trust to the honor of ,god1   
was  not more than a full year4 ,surely 
,christ's little flock here1 so         
suddenly gathered from among ,pagans1   
may justly say1 in the language of  the 
church of old1 #8,the ,lord hath done   
great things for us1 whereof we  are    
glad4'    8,much of the goodness of ,god
 has also appeared in relation to their 
acquisition of knowledge1 both in       
religion and in the affairs of common   
life4 ,there has been a wonderful thirst
 after ,christian knowledge  prevailing 
among them in general1 and an eager     
desire of being  instructed in          
,christian doctrines and manners4 ,this 
has prompted them to  ask many pertinent
 as well as important questions2 the    
answers to which  have tended much to   
enlighten their minds and promote their 
knowledge in  divine things4 ,many of   
the doctrines which ,i have delivered1  
they have  queried with me about1 in    
order to gain further light and insight 

into  them2 and have from time to time  
manifested a good understanding of      
them1 by their answers to the questions 
proposed to them in my  catechetical    
lectures4    8,they have likewise       
queried with me respecting a proper     
method1 as  well as proper matter of    
prayer1 and expressions suitable to be  
used  in that religious exercise2 and   
have taken pains in order to the        
performance of this duty with           
understanding4--,they have likewise     
taken  pains1 and appeared remarkably   
apt in learning to sing psalm-tunes1    
and are now able to sing with a good    
degree of decency in the worship of     
,god4--,they have also acquired a       
considerable degree of useful knowledge 
in the affairs of common life2 so that  
they now appear like rational           
creatures1 fit for human society1 free  
of that savage roughness and  brutish   
stupidity which rendered them very      
disagreeable in their ,pagan  state4    
8,they seem ambitious of a thorough     

acquaintance with the ,english          
language1 and for that end frequently   
speak it among themselves4 ,many of     
them have made good proficiency in      
acquiring it1 since my coming among     
them2 so that most of them can          
understand a considerable part1 and some
  the substance of my discourses1       
without an ,interpreter1 being used to  
my simple and familiar methods of       
expression1 though they could not well  
understand other ministers4    8,as they
 are desirous of instruction1 and       
surprisingly apt in the  reception of   
it1 so divine ,providence has smiled    
upon them with regard  to the proper    
means in order to it4 ,the attempts made
 for establishing  a school among them  
have succeeded1 and a kind ,providence  
has sent  them a schoolmaster1 of whom  
,i may justly say1 ,i know of #8no man  
like  minded1 who will naturally care   
for their state4' ,he has generally     
thirty or thirty-five children in his   
school2 and when he kept an  evening    

school1 as he did while the length of   
the 'evenings would admit  of it1       
fifteen or twenty grown people1 married 
and single1 attended4    8,the children 
learn with surprising readiness2 so that
 their master  tells me1 he never had an
 ,english school which learned1 in      
general1 so  fast4 ,there were not above
 two in thirty1 although some of them   
were  very small1 but learned all the   
letters in the alphabet within three    
days after his entrance upon his        
business2 and several in that space of  
time learned to spell considerably4     
,some of them1 in less than five        
months1 have learned to read with ease  
in the ,psalter or ,testament4    8,they
 are instructed twice a week in the     
,catechism1 on ,wednesday and           
,saturday4 ,some of them1 since the     
latter end of ,february1 when they      
began1 have committed more than half of 
it to memory2 and most of them  have    
made some proficiency in it4    8,they  
are likewise instructed in the duty of  

secret prayer1 and most  of them        
constantly attend it night and morning1 
and are very careful to  inform their   
master1 if they apprehend that any of   
their little  school-mates neglect that 
religious exercise4    ,,iv4 8,it is    
worthy to be noted1 to the praise of    
sovereign grace1 that  amidst so great a
 work of conviction--so much concern and
 religious  affection--there has been no
 prevalence1 nor indeed any considerable
  appearance of false religion--heats of
 imagination1 intemperate zeal1 or      
spiritual pride2 and that there have    
been very few instances of  irregular   
and scandalous behavior among those who 
have appeared serious4    8,this work of
 grace has1 in the main1 been carried on
 with a surprising  degree of purity1   
and freedom from corrupt mixture4 ,their
 religious  concern has generally been  
rational and just2 arising from a sense 
of  their sins1 and exposure to the     
divine displeasure on account of them2  
as well as their utter inability to     

deliver themselves from the misery  they
 felt and feared4 ,if there has been1 in
 any instance1 an appearance  of concern
 and perturbation of mind1 when the     
subjects of it knew not  why2 yet there 
has been no prevalence of any such      
thing2 and indeed ,i  scarcely know of  
any instance of that nature at all4--,it
 is very  remarkable1 that1 although the
 concern of many persons under          
convictions  of their perishing state   
has been very great and pressing1 yet ,i
 have  never seen any thing like        
desperation attending it in any one     
instance4  ,they have had the most      
lively sense of their undoneness in     
themselves2  have been brought to give  
up all hopes of deliverance from        
themselves2  have experienced great     
distress and anguish of soul2 and yet1  
in the  seasons of the greatest         
extremity1 there has been no appearance 
of  despair in any of them1--nothing    
that has discouraged1 or in any wise    
hindered them from the most diligent use

 of all proper means for their          
conversion and salvation4 ,hence it is  
apparent1 that there is not that  danger
 of persons being driven into despair   
under spiritual trouble1  unless in     
cases of deep and habitual melancholy1  
which the world in  general is ready to 
imagine4    8,the comfort which persons 
have obtained after their distresses1   
has  likewise in general appeared solid1
 well grounded1 and scriptural2  arising
 from a spiritual and supernatural      
illumination of mind1--a view  of divine
 things1 in a measure1 as they are1--a  
complacency of soul in  the divine      
perfections1--and a peculiar            
satisfaction in the way of  salvation by
 free sovereign grace in the great      
,redeemer4    8,their joys have seemed  
to rise from a variety of views and     
considerations of divine things1        
although for substance the same4 ,some1 
who1 under conviction1 seemed to have   
the hardest struggles and  heart-risings
 against the divine sovereignty1 have   

seemed1 at the first  dawn of their     
comfort1 to rejoice in a peculiar manner
 in that divine  perfection3--and have  
been delighted to think that themselves1
 and all  things else1 were in the hand 
of ,god1 and that he would dispose of   
them  #8just as he pleased4'            
8,others1 who1 just before their        
reception of comfort1 have been         
remarkably oppressed with a sense of    
their undoneness and poverty1 who  have 
seen themselves1 as it were1 falling    
down into remediless  perdition1 have   
been at first more peculiarly delighted 
with a view of  the freeness and riches 
of divine grace1 and the offer of       
salvation made  to perishing sinners    
#8without money and without price4'     
8,some have at first appeared to rejoice
 especially in the wisdom of  ,god1     
discovered in the way of salvation by   
,christ2 it then appearing to  them #8a 
new and living way1' a way of which they
 had never thought1 nor  had any just   
conceptions1 until opened to them by the

 special influence  of the divine       
,spirit4 ,some of them1 upon a lively   
spiritual view of this  way of          
salvation1 have wondered at their past  
folly in seeking salvation  in other    
ways1 and that they never saw this way  
of salvation before1  which now appeared
 so plain and easy1 as well as excellent
 to them4    8,others1 again1 have had a
 more general view of the beauty and    
excellency of ,christ1 and have had     
their souls delighted with an           
apprehension of his divine glory1 as    
unspeakably exceeding all they had  ever
 conceived before2 yet1 without singling
 out any one of the divine  perfections 
in particular2 so that1 although their  
comforts have seemed  to arise from a   
variety of views and considerations of  
divine glories1  still they were        
spiritual and supernatural views of     
them1 and not  groundless fancies1 which
 were the spring of their joys and      
comforts4    8,yet it must be           
acknowledged that1 when this work became

 so universal  and prevalent1 and gained
 such general credit and esteem among   
the  ,indians that ,satan seemed to have
 little advantage of working against it 
in his own proper garb1 he then         
transformed himself #8into an angel of  
light1' and made some vigorous attempts 
to introduce turbulent  commotions of   
the passions in the room of genuine     
convictions of sin1  imaginary and      
fanciful notions of ,christ1 as         
appearing to the mental eye  in a human 
shape1 and in some particular postures1 
c4 in the room of  spiritual and        
supernatural discoveries of his divine  
glory and  excellency1 as well as many  
other delusions4 ,i have reason to      
think1  that1 if these things had met   
with countenance and encouragement1     
there  would have been a very           
considerable harvest of this kind of    
converts  here4    8,spiritual pride    
also discovered itself in various       
instances4 ,some  persons1 whose        
feelings had been greatly excited1      

seemed very desirous  from thence of    
being thought truly gracious2 who1 when 
,i could not but  express to them my    
fears respecting their spiritual state1 
discovered  their resentments to a      
considerable degree4 ,there also        
appeared in one  or two of them1 an     
unbecoming ambition of being teachers of
 others4 ,so  that ,satan has been a    
busy adversary here as well as          
elsewhere4 ,but1  blessed be ,god1      
though something of this nature has     
appeared1 yet  nothing of it has        
prevailed1 nor indeed made any          
considerable progress  at all4 ,my      
people are now apprised of these things1
 are made acquainted1  that ,satan in   
such a manner #8transformed himself into
 an angel of  light1' in the first      
season of the great outpouring of the   
divine ,spirit  in the days of the      
apostles2 and that something of this    
nature1 in a  greater or less degree1   
has attended almost every revival and   
remarkable  propagation of true religion

 ever since4 ,they have learned so to   
distinguish between the gold and dross1 
that the credit of the latter  #8is     
trodden down like the mire of the       
streets2' and1 as it is natural  for    
this kind of stuff to die with its      
credit1 there is now scarce any         
appearance of it among them4    8,as    
there has been no prevalence of         
irregular heats1 imaginary notions1     
spiritual pride1 and satanical delusions
 among my people2 so there have  been   
very few instances of scandalous and    
irregular behavior among those  who have
 made a profession1 or even an          
appearance of seriousness4 ,i do  not   
know of more than three or four such    
persons who have been guilty of  any    
open misconduct1 since their first      
acquaintance with ,christianity2  and ,i
 know of no one who persists in any     
thing of that nature4 ,perhaps  the     
remarkable purity of this work in the   
latter respect1 its freedom  from       
frequent instances of scandal1 is very  

much owing to its purity in  the former 
respect1 its freedom from corrupt       
mixtures of spiritual  pride1 wild-fire1
 and delusion1 which naturally lay a    
foundation for  scandalous practices4   
8,may this blessed work1 in the power   
and purity of it1 prevail among the     
poor ,indians here1 as well as spread   
elsewhere1 till their remotest  tribes  
shall see the salvation of ,god6 ,amen40
                                        
,,chapter ,,ix4    ,from the close of   
his ,public ,journal1 ,june #ai1 #agdf1 
to his      death--continuance of labor 
at ,crossweeksung and                   
,cranberry--journey      with six       
,christian ,indians to the ,susquehanna1
 and labors      there--return to       
,crossweeksung--compelled by prostration
 of health to      have the             
,indians--confinement by sickness at    
,elizabethtown--farewell      visit to  
the ,indians--his brother ,john succeeds
 him as a      ,missionary--arrival     
among his friends in ,connecticut--visit

 to      ,president ,edwards in         
,northampton--journey to ,boston1 where 
he is      brought near to              
death--usefulness in ,boston--returns to
      ,northampton--triumphs of grace in
 his last sickness--death4              
,june #ai1 #agdf--,october #i1 #agdg4   
,lord's day1 ,june #bi1                 
#agdf4--8,preached both parts of the    
day1 from ,john1  #ad3ai4 ,god was      
pleased to assist me1 to afford me both 
freedom and  power1 especially toward   
the close of my discourses forenoon and 
afternoon4 ,god's power appeared in the 
assembly1 in both exercises4  ,numbers  
of ,god's people were refreshed and     
melted with divine things2  one or two  
comforted1 who had been long under      
distress2 convictions1 in  divers       
instances1 were powerfully revived2 and 
one man in years was much  awakened1 who
 had not long frequented our meeting1   
and appeared before  as stupid as a     
stock4 ,god amazingly renewed and       
lengthened out my  strength4 ,i was so  

spent at noon that ,i could scarcely    
walk1 and all my  joints trembled so    
that ,i could not sit1 nor so much as   
hold my hand  still2 and yet ,god       
strengthened me to preach with power in 
the  afternoon1 although ,i had given   
out word to my people1 that ,i did not  
expect to be able to do it4 ,spent some 
time afterward in conversing1           
particularly1 with several persons1     
about their spiritual state2 and had    
some satisfaction concerning one or two4
 ,prayed afterward with a sick  child1  
and gave a word of exhortation4 ,was    
assisted in all my work4  ,blessed be   
,god6 ,returned home with more health   
than ,i had in the  morning1 although my
 linen was wringing wet upon me1 from a 
little after  ten1 till past five in the
 afternoon4 ,my spirits also were       
considerably  refreshed2 and my soul    
rejoiced in hope1 that ,i had through   
grace done  something for ,god4 ,in the 
evening walked out1 and enjoyed a sweet 
season  in secret prayer and praise4    

,but ,o ,i found the truth of the       
,psalmist's  words1 #8,my goodness      
extendeth not to thee6' ,i could not    
make any returns  to ,god2 ,i longed to 
live only to him1 and to be in tune for 
his praise  and service for ever4 ,oh   
for spirituality and holy fervency1 that
 ,i  might spend and be spent for ,god  
to my latest moment4    ,july           
#aj4--8,spent most of the day in        
writing4 ,toward night rode to ,mr4     
,tennent's2 enjoyed some agreeable      
conversation2 went home in the  evening1
 in a solemn1 sweet frame of mind2 was  
refreshed in secret  duties1 longed to  
live wholly and only for ,god1 and saw  
plainly there  was nothing in the world 
worthy of my affection--my heart was    
dead to all  below2 yet not through     
dejection1 as at some times1 but from   
views of a  better inheritance4    ,july
 #ab4--8,this day was spent in fasting  
and prayer by my congregation1  as      
preparatory to the ,lord's supper4 ,i   
discoursed1 both parts of the  day1 from

 ,rom4 #d3be1 #8,who was delivered for  
our offences1' c4 ,god gave  me some    
assistance1 and something of divine     
power attended the word2 so  that this  
was an agreeable season4 ,afterward led 
them to a solemn  renewal of their      
covenant1 and fresh dedication of       
themselves to ,god4  ,this was a season 
both of solemnity and sweetness1 and    
,god seemed to be  #8in the midst of    
us4' ,returned to my lodgings in the    
evening1 in a  comfortable frame of     
mind4    ,lord's day1 ,july #ac4--8;,in 
the forenoon1 discoursed on the #8bread 
of  life1' from ,john1 #f3ce4 ,god gave 
me some assistance1 in a part of my     
discourse especially2 and there appeared
 some tender affection in the  assembly 
under divine truth2 my soul also was    
somewhat refreshed4  ,administered the  
,lord's supper to thirty-one of the     
,indians4 ,god seemed  to be present in 
this ordinance2 the communicants were   
sweetly melted  and refreshed4 ,o how   
they melted1 even when the elements were

 first  uncovered6 ,there was scarcely a
 dry eye among them1 when ,i took off   
the  linen1 and showed them the symbols 
of ,christ's broken body4 ,having       
rested a little1 after the              
administration of the ordinance1 ,i     
visited  the communicants1 and found    
them generally in a sweet loving frame2 
not  unlike what appeared among them on 
the former sacramental occasion1  ,april
 #bg4 ,in the afternoon1 discoursed upon
 coming to ,christ1 and the             
satisfaction of those who do so1 from   
the same verse ,i insisted on in  the   
forenoon4 ,this was likewise an         
agreeable season1 one of much           
tenderness1 affection1 and enlargement  
in divine service2 and ,god1 ,i am      
persuaded1 crowned our assembly with his
 presence4 ,i returned home much  spent1
 yet rejoicing in the goodness of ,god4 
,july #ad4--8,went to my people1 and    
discoursed to them from ,psalm          
#aai3ajf1 #8,i have sworn1 and ,i will  
perform it1' c4 ,observed1 7#a47 that   

all ,god's judgments or commandments are
 righteous4 7#b47 ,that ,god's  people  
have sworn to keep them2 and this they  
do especially at the  ,lord's table4    
,there appeared to be a powerful divine 
influence on the  assembly1 and         
considerable melting under the word4    
,afterward ,i led them  to a renewal of 
their covenant before ,god1 that they   
would watch over  themselves and one    
another1 lest they should fall into sin1
 and dishonor  the name of ,christ4     
,this transaction was attended with     
great solemnity2  and ,god seemed to own
 it by exciting in them a fear and      
jealousy of  themselves1 lest they      
should sin against ,god2 so that the    
presence of  ,god seemed to be among us 
in this conclusion of the sacramental   
solemnity4    ,july #ba4--8,preached to 
the ,indians1 chiefly for the sake of   
some  strangers2 proposed my design of  
taking a journey speedily to the        
,susquehanna2 exhorted my people to pray
 for me1 that ,god would be with  me in 

that journey2 and then chose divers     
persons of the congregation to  travel  
with me4 ,afterward spent some time in  
discoursing to the  strangers1 and was  
somewhat encouraged with them4 ,took    
care of my  people's secular business1  
and was not a little exercised with it4 
,had  some degree of composure and      
comfort in secret retirement4    ,july  
#bb4--8,was in a dejected frame most of 
the day2 wanted to wear out  life1 and  
have it at an end2 but had some desires 
of living to ,god1  and wearing out life
 for him4 ,oh that ,i could indeed do   
so60    ,july #bi4--8,my mind was       
cheerful1 and free from the melancholy  
with  which ,i am often exercised2 had  
freedom in looking up to ,god at various
  times in the day4 ,in the evening ,i  
enjoyed a comfortable season in  secret 
prayer2 was helped to plead with ,god   
for my own dear people1 that  he would  
carry on his own blessed work among     
them2 and assisted in  praying for the  
divine presence to attend me in my      

intended journey to  the ,susquehanna4  
,i scarce knew how to leave the throne  
of grace1 and it  grieved me that ,i was
 obliged to go to bed2 ,i longed to do  
something for  ,god1 but knew not how4  
,blessed be ,god for this freedom from  
dejection6    ,july #cj4--8,was         
uncommonly comfortable1 both in body and
 mind2 in the  forenoon especially1 my  
mind was solemn2 ,i was assisted in my  
work1 and  ,god seemed to be near to me2
 so that the day was as comfortable as  
most  ,i have enjoyed for some time4 ,in
 the evening was favored with assistance
  in secret prayer1 and felt much as ,i 
did the evening before4 ,blessed be     
,god for that freedom ,i then enjoyed at
 the throne of grace1 for myself1  my   
people1 and my dear friends6    ,august 
#a4--8;,in the evening enjoyed a sweet  
season in secret prayer2  clouds of     
darkness and perplexing care were       
sweetly scattered1 and  nothing anxious 
remained4 ,o how serene was my mind at  
this season6 how  free from that        

distracting concern ,i have often felt6 
#8,thy will be  done1' was a petition   
sweet to my soul2 and if ,god had bid me
 choose for  myself in any affair1 ,i   
should have chosen rather to have       
referred the  choice to him2 for ,i saw 
he was infinitely wise1 and could not do
 any  thing amiss1 as ,i was in danger  
of doing4 ,was assisted in prayer for my
  dear flock1 that ,god would promote   
his own work among them1 and go with  me
 in my intended journey to the          
,susquehanna2 was helped to remember my 
dear friends in ,new-,england1 and my   
dear brethren in the ministry4 ,i  found
 enough in the sweet duty of prayer to  
have engaged me to continue  in it the  
whole night1 would my bodily state have 
admitted of it4 ,o how  sweet it is1 to 
be enabled heartily to say1 #8,lord1 not
 my will1 but  thine be done4'          
,august #b4--8,near night1 preached from
 ,matt4 #aa3bi4 #8,take my yoke upon    
you1' c4 ,was considerably helped1 and  
the presence of ,god seemed to be       

somewhat remarkably in the assembly2    
divine truth made powerful  impressions1
 both upon saints and sinners4 ,blessed 
be ,god for such a  revival among us6   
,in the evening was very weary1 but     
found my spirits  supported and         
refreshed4    ,august #g4--8,rode to my 
house where ,i spent the last winter1 in
 order to  bring some things ,i needed  
for my ,susquehanna journey2 was        
refreshed to  see that place1 which ,god
 so marvellously visited with the       
showers of  his grace4 ,o how amazing   
did the power of ,god often appear      
there6  #8,bless the ,lord1 ,o my soul1 
and forget not all his benefits4'       
,august #i4--8;,in the afternoon visited
 my people2 set their affairs in  order 
as much as possible1 and contrived for  
them the management of  their worldly   
business2 discoursed to them in a solemn
 manner1 and  concluded with prayer4    
,was composed and comfortable in the    
evening1 and  somewhat fervent in secret
 prayer2 had some sense and view of the 

eternal world2 and found a serenity of  
mind4 ,o that ,i could magnify the      
,lord for any freedom which he affords  
me in prayer6    ,lord's day1 ,aug4     
#aj4--8;,discoursed to my people both   
parts of the day1  from ,acts1 #c3ai1   
#8,repent ye1 therefore1' c4 ,in        
discoursing of  repentance1 in the      
forenoon1 ,god helped me1 so that my    
discourse was  searching2 some were in  
tears1 both of the ,indians and white   
people1 and  the word of ,god was       
attended with some power4 ,in the       
intermission ,i was  engaged in         
conversing on their spiritual state1 one
 of whom had very  recently found       
comfort1 after spiritual trouble and    
distress4 ,in the  afternoon was        
somewhat assisted again1 though weak and
 weary4 ,three  persons this day made a 
public profession of their faith4 ,was  
in a  comfortable frame in the evening1 
and enjoyed some satisfaction in  secret
 prayer4 ,i have rarely felt myself so  
full of tenderness as this  day4        

,august #aa4--8;,being about to set out 
on a journey to the ,susquehanna the    
next day1 with leave of ,providence1 ,i 
spent some time this day in prayer  with
 my people1 that ,god would bless and   
succeed my intended journey1  that he   
would send forth his blessed ,spirit    
with his word1 and set up  his kingdom  
among the poor ,indians in the          
wilderness4 ,while ,i was  opening and  
applying part of the #aajth and #aaath  
,psalms1 the power of  ,god seemed to   
descend on the assembly in some measure2
 and while ,i was  making the first     
prayer1 numbers were melted1 and ,i     
found some  affectionate enlargement of 
soul myself4 ,preached from ,acts1      
#d3ca1 #8,and  when they had prayed1 the
 place was shaken1' c4 ,god helped me1  
and my  interpreter also2 there was a   
shaking and melting among us2 and       
several1  ,i doubt not1 were in some    
measure #8filled with the ,holy ,ghost4'
  ,afterward1 ,mr4 ,macnight prayed2 and
 ,i then opened the two last stanzas  of

 the #gb;d ,psalm2 at which time ,god   
was present with us2 especially  while  
,i insisted upon the promise of all     
nations blessing the great  ,redeemer4  
,my soul was refreshed1 to think that   
this day1 this blessed1  glorious       
season1 should surely come2 and ,i trust
 numbers of my dear  people were also   
refreshed4 ,afterward prayed2 had some  
freedom1 but was  almost spent2 then    
walked out1 and left my people to carry 
on religious  exercises among           
themselves4 ,they prayed repeatedly1 and
 sung1 while ,i  rested and refreshed   
myself4 ,afterward went to the meeting1 
prayed with1  and dismissed the         
assembly4 ,blessed be ,god1 this has    
been a day of  grace4 ,there were many  
tears and affectionate sobs among us    
this day4 ,in  the evening my soul was  
refreshed in prayer2 enjoyed liberty at 
the  throne of grace1 in praying for my 
people and friends1 and the church of   
,god in general4 ',bless the ,lord1 ,o  
my soul4'0    ,the next day he set out  

on his journey toward the ,susquehanna1 
and six  of his ,christian ,indians with
 him1 whom he had chosen out of his     
congregation1 as those he judged most   
fit to assist him in the business  upon 
which he was going4 ,he took his way    
through ,philadelphia2 intending  to go 
to the ,susquehanna1 far down1 where it 
is settled by the white  people1 below  
the country inhabited by the ,indians2  
and so to travel up  the river to the   
,indian habitations4 ,for although this 
was much farther1  yet hereby he avoided
 the mountains and hideous wilderness   
that must be  crossed in the nearer way2
 which in time past he found to be      
extremely  difficult and fatiguing4     
,aug4 #ai4--8,lodged by the side of the 
,susquehanna4 ,was weak and  disordered 
both this and the preceding day1 and    
found my spirits  considerably damped1  
meeting with none that ,i thought godly 
people4    ,aug4 #bj4--8;,having lain in
 a cold sweat all night1 ,i coughed up  
much  bloody matter this morning1 and   

was under great disorder of body1 and   
not a little melancholy2 but what gave  
me some encouragement1 was1 ,i had  a   
secret hope that ,i might speedily get a
 dismission from earth1 and all  its    
toils and sorrows4 ,rode this day to one
 ,chambers'1 upon the  ,susquehanna1 and
 there lodged4 ,was much afflicted in   
the evening with an  ungodly crew1      
drinking1 swearing1 c4 ,o what a hell   
would it be1 to be  numbered with the   
ungodly6 ,enjoyed some agreeable        
conversation with a  traveller1 who     
seemed to have some relish of true      
religion4    ,aug4 #ba4--8,rode up the  
river about fifteen miles1 and there    
lodged1 in  a family which appeared     
quite destitute of ,god4 ,labored to    
discourse  with the man about the life  
of religion1 but found him very artful  
in  evading such conversation4 ,o what a
 death it is to some1 to hear of the    
things of ,god6 ,was out of my element2 
but was not so dejected as at some      
times4    ,aug4 #bb4--8;,continued my   

course up the river2 my people now being
 with  me1 who before were parted from  
me2 travelled above all the ,english    
settlements2 at night lodged in the open
 woods1 and slept with more  comfort    
than while among an ungodly company of  
white people4 ,enjoyed  some liberty in 
secret prayer this evening2 and was     
helped to remember  dear friends1 as    
well as my dear flock1 and the church of
 ,god in  general4    ,aug4             
#bc4--8;,arrived at the ,indian town1   
called ,shaumoking1 near night2  was not
 so dejected as formerly1 but yet       
somewhat exercised4 ,felt  composed in  
the evening1 and enjoyed some freedom in
 leaving my all  with ,god4    ,lord's  
day1 ,aug4 #bd4--8,toward noon1 visited 
some of the ,delawares1 and  conversed  
with them about ,christianity4 ,in the  
afternoon discoursed to  the ,king1 and 
others1 upon divine things2 who seemed  
disposed to hear4  ,spent most of the   
day in these exercises4 ,in the evening 
enjoyed some  comfort and satisfaction2 

and especially had some sweetness in    
secret  prayer4 ,this duty was made so  
agreeable to me1 that ,i loved to walk  
abroad1 and repeatedly engage in it4 ,o 
how comfortable is a little  glimpse of 
,god6    ,aug4 #be4--8,spent most of the
 day in writing4 ,sent out my people    
that  were with me1 to talk with the    
,indians1 and contract a friendship and 
familiarity with them1 that ,i might    
have a better opportunity of  treating  
with them about ,christianity4 ,some    
good seemed to be done by  their visit  
this day1 many appeared willing to      
hearken to ,christianity4  ,my spirits  
were a little refreshed this evening1   
and ,i found some  liberty and          
satisfaction in prayer4    ,aug4        
#bf4--8;,about noon1 discoursed to a    
considerable number of ,indians4  ,god  
helped me1 ,i am persuaded2 for ,i was  
enabled to speak with much  plainness1  
and some warmth and power2 and the      
discourse had impression  upon some1 and
 made them appear very serious4 ,i      

thought things now  appeared as         
encouraging as they did at ,crossweeks4 
,at the time of my  first visit to those
 ,indians1 ,i was a little encouraged2  
,i pressed  things with all my might1   
and called out my people1 who were then 
present1 to give in their testimony for 
,god2 which they did4 ,toward  night1   
was refreshed2 had a heart to pray for  
the setting up of ,god's  kingdom here1 
as well as for my dear congregation     
below1 and my dear  friends elsewhere4  
,aug4 #bh4--8;,in the forenoon1 ,i was  
under great concern of mind about my    
work4 ,was visited by some who desired  
to hear me preach2 discoursed to  them  
in the afternoon with some fervency1 and
 labored to persuade them  to turn to   
,god4 ,was full of concern for the      
kingdom of ,christ1 and found  some     
enlargement of soul in prayer1 both in  
secret and in my family4  ,scarce ever  
saw more clearly1 than this day1 that it
 is ,god's work to  convert souls1 and  
especially poor ,heathens4 ,i knew ,i   

could not touch  them2 ,i saw ,i could  
only speak to dry bones1 but could give 
them no  sense of what ,i said4 ,my eyes
 were up to ,god for help3 ,i could say 
the  work was his2 and if done1 the     
glory would be his4    ,lord's day1     
,aug4 #ca4--8,spent much time1 in the   
morning1 in secret  duties2 found a     
weight upon my spirits1 and could not   
but cry to ,god  with concern and       
engagement of soul4 ,spent some time    
also in reading and  expounding ,god's  
word to my dear family which was with   
me1 as well as in  singing and prayer   
with them4 ,afterwards spake the word of
 ,god to some  few of the ,susquehanna  
,indians4 ,in the afternoon1 felt very  
weak and  feeble4 ,near night was       
somewhat refreshed in mind1 with some   
views of  things relating to my great   
work4 ,o how heavy is my work1 when     
faith  cannot take hold of an almighty  
arm for the performance of it6 ,many    
times have ,i been ready to sink in this
 case4 ,blessed be ,god1 that ,i may    

repair to a full fountain6    ,sept4    
#a4--8,set out on a journey toward a    
place called ,the great  ,island1 about 
fifty miles distant from ,shaumoking1 on
 the north-western  branch of the       
,susquehanna4 ,travelled some part of   
the way1 and at night  lodged in the    
woods4 ,was exceedingly feeble this day1
 and sweat much the  night following4   
,sept4 #b4--8,rode forward1 but no      
faster than my people went on foot4 ,was
  very weak1 on this as well as the     
preceding days4 ,i was so feeble and    
faint1 that ,i feared it would kill me  
to lie out in the open air2 and  some of
 our company being parted from us1 so   
that we had now no axe with  us1 ,i had 
no way but to climb into a young pine   
tree1 and with my knife  to lop the     
branches1 and so make a shelter from the
 dew4 ,but the evening  being cloudy1   
with a prospect of rain1 ,i was still   
under fears of being  extremely exposed3
 sweat much1 so that my linen was almost
 wringing wet  all night4 ,i scarcely   

ever was more weak and weary than this  
evening1  when ,i was able to sit up at 
all4 ,this was a melancholy situation2  
but ,i  endeavored to quiet myself with 
considerations of the possibility of my 
being in much worse circumstances       
amongst enemies1 c4    ,sept4           
#c4--8,rode to the ,delaware-town2 found
 many drinking and drunken4  ,discoursed
 with some of the ,indians about        
,christianity2 observed my  interpreter 
much engaged1 and assisted in his work2 
a few persons seemed  to hear with great
 earnestness and engagement of soul4    
,about noon1 rode  to a small town of   
,shauwaunoes1 about eight miles distant2
 spent an hour  or two there1 and       
returned to the ,delaware-town1 and     
lodged there4 ,was  scarce ever more    
confounded with a sense of my own       
unfruitfulness and  unfitness for my    
work than now4 ,o what a dead1          
heartless1 barren1  unprofitable wretch 
did ,i now see myself to be6 ,my spirits
 were so low1  and my bodily strength so

 wasted1 that ,i could do nothing at    
all4 ,at  length1 being much overdone1  
lay down on a buffalo-skin2 but sweat   
much  the whole night4    ,sept4        
#d4--8;,discoursed with the ,indians1 in
 the morning1 about  ,christianity2 my  
,interpreter1 afterward1 carrying on the
 discourse to a  considerable length4   
,some few appeared well disposed1 and   
somewhat  affected4 ,left this place1   
and returned toward ,shaumoking2 and at 
night  lodged in the place where ,i     
lodged the ,monday night before3 was in 
very  uncomfortable circumstances in the
 evening1 my people being late1 and  not
 coming to me till past ten at night2 so
 that ,i had no fire to dress  any      
victuals1 or to keep me warm1 or keep   
off wild beasts2 and ,i was  scarce ever
 more weak and exhausted4 ,however1 ,i  
lay down and slept  before my people    
came up1 expecting nothing else but to  
spend the whole  night alone1 and       
without fire4    ,sept4 #e4--8,was      
exceeding weak1 so that ,i could        

scarcely ride2 it seemed  sometimes as  
if ,i must fall from my horse1 and lie  
in the open woods3  however1 got to     
,shaumoking toward night3 felt somewhat 
of a spirit of  thankfulness1 that ,god 
had so far returned me3 was refreshed to
 see one  of my ,christians1 whom ,i    
left here in my late excursion4         
,sept4 #f4--8,spent the day in a very   
weak state2 coughing and spitting       
blood1 and having little appetite for   
any food ,i had with me2 was able  to do
 very little1 except discourse a while  
of divine things to my own  people1 and 
to some few ,i met with4 ,had1 by this  
time1 very little life  or heart to     
speak for ,god1 through feebleness of   
body4 ,was scarcely ever  more ashamed  
and confounded in myself than now4 ,i   
was sensible that  there were numbers of
 ,god's people who knew ,i was then out 
upon a  design1 or at least the         
pretence1 of doing something for ,god1  
and in his  cause1 among the poor       
,indians2 and they were ready to suppose

 that ,i was  fervent in spirit2 but ,o 
the heartless frame of my mind filled me
 with  confusion6 ,o1 methought1 if     
,god's people knew me as ,god knows1    
they  would not think so highly of my   
zeal and resolution for ,god as perhaps 
now they do6 ,i could not but desire    
they should see how heartless and       
irresolute ,i was1 that they might be   
undeceived1 and #8not think of me  above
 what they ought to think4' ,and yet ,i 
thought1 if they saw the  utmost of my  
unfaithfulness1 the smallness of my     
courage and resolution  for ,god1 they  
would be ready to shut me out of their  
doors1 as unworthy  of the company or   
friendship of ,christians4    ,lord's   
day1 ,sept4 #g4--8,was much in the same 
weak state of body1 and  afflicted frame
 of mind1 as in the preceding day3 my   
soul was grieved1  and mourned that ,i  
could do nothing for ,god4 ,read and    
expounded some  part of ,god's word to  
my own dear family1 and spent some time 
in prayer  with them2 discoursed also a 

little to the ,pagans2 but spent the    
,sabbath  with a little comfort4        
,sept4 #h4--8,spent the forenoon among  
the ,indians2 in the afternoon1 left    
,shaumoking1 and returned down the river
 a few miles4 ,had proposed to  tarry a 
considerable time longer among the      
,indians upon the ,susquehanna1  but was
 hindered from pursuing my purpose by   
the sickness that prevailed  there1 the 
feeble state of my own people that were 
with me1 and  especially my own         
extraordinary weakness1 having been     
exercised with  great nocturnal sweats1 
and a coughing up of blood1 almost the  
whole of  the journey4 ,i was a great   
part of the time so feeble and faint1   
that it  seemed as though ,i never      
should be able to reach home2 and at the
 same  time very destitute of the       
comforts1 and even the necessaries of   
life2  at least1 what was necessary for 
one in so weak a state4 ,in this journey
  ,i sometimes was enabled to speak the 
word of ,god with some power1 and       

divine truth made some impression on    
those who heard me2 so that  several1   
both men and women1 old and young1      
seemed to cleave to us1 and  be well    
disposed toward ,christianity2 but      
others mocked and shouted1  which damped
 those who before seemed friendly1 at   
least some of them4  ,yet ,god1 at      
times1 was evidently present1 assisting 
me1 my ,interpreter1  and other dear    
friends who were with me4 ,god gave     
sometimes a good  degree of freedom in  
prayer for the ingathering of souls     
there2 and ,i  could not but entertain a
 strong hope1 that the journey would not
 be  wholly fruitless4 ,whether the     
issue of it would be the setting up of  
,christ's kingdom there1 or only the    
drawing of some few persons down to  my 
congregation in ,new-,jersey2 or whether
 they were now only preparing  for some 
farther attempts that might be made     
among them1 ,i did not  determine2 but  
,i was persuaded the journey would not  
be lost4 ,blessed be  ,god1 that ,i had 

any encouragement and hope4    ,sept4   
#i4--8,rode down the river near thirty  
miles4 ,was extremely weak1  much       
fatigued1 and wet with a thunder storm4 
,discoursed with some warmth  and       
closeness to some poor ignorant souls1  
on the life and power of  religion3 what
 were1 and what were not the evidences  
of it4 ,they  seemed much astonished    
when they saw my ,indians ask a blessing
 and give  thanks at dinner1 concluding 
that a very high evidence of grace in   
them2 but were equally astonished when  
,i insisted that neither that1 nor  yet 
secret prayer1 was any sure evidence of 
grace4 ,o the ignorance of  the world6  
,how are some empty outward forms1 that 
may all be entirely  selfish1 mistaken  
for true religion1 infallible evidences 
of it6 ,the  ,lord pity a deluded world6
    ,sept4 #aa4--8,rode homeward2 but   
was very weak1 and sometimes scarce able
  to ride4 ,had a very importunate      
invitation to preach at a meeting-house 
,i came by1 the people being then       

gathered1 but could not by reason of    
weakness4 ,was resigned and composed    
under my weakness2 but was much         
exercised with concern for my companions
 in travel1 whom ,i had left with  much 
regret1 some lame1 and some sick4       
,sept4 #bj4--8;,arrived among my own    
people1 7near ,cranberry17 just at      
night3 found them praying together2 went
 in1 and gave them some account  of     
,god's dealings with me and my          
companions in the journey2 which seemed 
affecting to them4 ,i then prayed with  
them1 and thought the divine  presence  
was among us2 several were melted into  
tears1 and seemed to  have a sense of   
divine things4 ,being very weak1 ,i was 
obliged soon to  repair to my lodgings1 
and felt much worn out in the evening4  
,thus ,god  has carried me through the  
fatigues and perils of another journey  
to the  ,susquehanna1 and returned me   
again in safety1 though under a great   
degree of bodily indisposition4 ,o that 
my soul were truly thankful for  renewed

 instances of mercy6 ,many hardships and
 distresses ,i endured in  this journey2
 but the ,lord supported me under them  
all40    ,hitherto ,,brainerd had kept a
 constant diary1 giving an account of   
what  passed from day to day1 with very 
little interruption2 but henceforward   
his diary is very much interrupted by   
his illness2 under which he was  often  
brought so low1 as either not to be     
capable of writing1 or not  well able to
 bear the burden of a care so constant  
as was requisite to  recollect every    
evening what had passed in the day1 and 
digest it1 and  put on paper an orderly 
account of it4 ,however1 his diary was  
not wholly  neglected2 but he took care1
 from time to time1 to take some notice 
in  it of the most material things      
concerning himself and the state of his 
mind1 even till within a few days of his
 death4    ,lord's day1 ,sept4 #ba1     
#agdf4--8;,i was so weak that ,i could  
not preach1  nor pretend to ride over to
 my people in the forenoon4 ,in the     

afternoon  rode out2 sat in my chair1   
and discoursed to them from ,rom4 #ad3g1
 #h4 ,i  was strengthened and helped in 
my discourse1 and there appeared        
something agreeable in the assembly4 ,i 
returned to my lodgings extremely       
tired1 but thankful that ,i had been    
enabled to speak a word to my poor      
people1 from whom ,i had been so long   
absent4 ,was enabled to sleep very      
little this night1 through weariness and
 pain4 ,o how blessed should ,i  be1 if 
the little ,i do were all done with     
right views6 ,o that1 'whether  ,i live1
 ,i might live to the ,lord2 or whether 
,i die1 ,i might die unto the  ,lord2   
that1 whether living or dying1 ,i might 
be the ,lord's6'    ,sept4 #bg4--8,spent
 this day1 as well as the whole week    
past1 under a  great degree of bodily   
weakness1 exercised with a violent cough
 and a  considerable fever4 ,i had no   
appetite for any kind of food1 could not
  retain it on my stomach1 and          
frequently had little rest in my bed1   

owing  to pains in my breast and back4  
,i was able1 however1 to ride over to my
  people1 about two miles1 every day1   
and take some care of those who were    
then at work upon a small house for me  
to reside in among the  ,indians4,h ,i  
was sometimes scarce able to walk1 and  
never able to sit  up the whole day1    
through the week4 ,was calm and         
composed1 and but  little exercised with
 melancholy1 as in former seasons of    
weakness4  ,whether ,i should ever      
recover or no1 seemed very doubtful2 but
 this was  many times a comfort to me1  
that life and death did not depend upon 
my choice4 ,i was pleased to think1 that
 ,he who is infinitely wise1 had  the   
determination of this matter2 and that  
,i had no trouble to consider  and weigh
 things upon all sides1 in order to make
 the choice whether ,i  should live or  
die4 ,thus my time was consumed2 ,i had 
little strength to  pray1 none to write 
or read1 and scarce any to meditate2    
but1 through  divine goodness1 ,i could 

with great composure look death in the  
face1  and frequently with sensible joy4
 ,o how blessed it is to be habitually  
prepared for death6    ,footnote ,h3    
,this was the fourth house he built for 
his residence among the    ,indians4    
,beside that at ,kaunaumeek1 and that at
 the ,forks of    ,delaware1 and another
 at ,crossweeksung1 he built one now at 
,cranberry4    ,lord's day1 ,sept4      
#bh4--8,rode to my people1 and1 though  
under much  weakness1 attempted to      
preach from #b ,cor4 #ac3e4 ,discoursed 
about half an  hour1 at which season    
divine power seemed to attend the word2 
but being  extremely weak1 ,i was       
obliged to desist2 and after a turn of  
faintness1  with much difficulty rode to
 my lodgings1 where1 betaking myself to 
my  bed1 ,i lay in a burning fever1 and 
almost delirious for several hours1     
till1 toward morning1 my fever went off 
with a violent sweat4 ,i have  often    
been feverish and unable to rest quietly
 after preaching2 but this  was the most

 severe1 distressing turn1 that ever    
preaching brought upon  me4 ,yet ,i felt
 perfectly at rest in my own mind1      
because ,i had made my  utmost attempts 
to speak for ,god1 and knew ,i could do 
no more4    ,oct4 #d4--8,spent the      
former part of this week under a great  
degree of  infirmity and disorder1 as ,i
 had done several weeks before2 was     
able1  however1 to ride a little every  
day1 although unable to sit up half the 
day1 till ,thursday4 ,took some care    
daily of some persons at work upon my   
house4 ,on ,friday afternoon found      
myself wonderfully revived and          
strengthened4 ,having some time before  
given notice to my people1 and  those of
 them at the ,forks of ,delaware in     
particular1 that ,i designed1  with the 
leave of ,providence1 to administer the 
,lord's supper upon the  first ,sabbath 
in ,october1 on ,friday afternoon ,i    
preached preparatory to  the ordinance1 
from #b ,cor4 #ac3e2 finishing what ,i  
had proposed to offer  upon the subject 

the ,sabbath before4 ,the sermon was    
blessed of ,god to  the stirring up     
religious affection and a spirit of     
devotion in his  people1 and greatly    
affected one who had backslidden from   
,god1 which  caused him to judge and    
condemn himself4 ,i was surprisingly    
strengthened  in my work while ,i was   
speaking2 but was obliged immediately   
after to  repair to bed1 being now      
removed into my own house among the     
,indians4  ,spent some time in          
conversing with my people about divine  
things as ,i  lay upon my bed1 and found
 my soul refreshed1 though my body was  
weak4--,this being ,saturday1 ,i        
discoursed particularly with divers of  
the  communicants2 and this afternoon   
preached from ,zech4 #ab3aj4 ,there     
seemed  to be a tender melting and      
hearty mourning for sin1 in numbers in  
the  congregation4 ,my soul was in a    
comfortable frame1 and ,i enjoyed       
freedom  and assistance in public       
service2 was myself1 as well as most of 

the  congregation1 much affected with   
the humble confession and apparent      
broken-heartedness of the forementioned 
backslider1 and could not but  rejoice  
that ,god had given him such a sense of 
his sin and unworthiness4  ,was         
extremely tired in the evening1 but lay 
on my bed1 and discoursed to  my people4
    ,lord's day1 ,oct4 #e4--8,was still 
very weak2 and in the morning           
considerably afraid ,i should not be    
able to go through the work of the  day2
 having much to do1 both in private and 
public4 ,discoursed before  the         
administration of the ,lord's supper1   
from ,john1 #a3bi1 #8,behold the  ,lamb 
of ,god1 that taketh away the sins of   
the world4' ,where ,i considered  7#a47 
in what respects ,christ is called the  
#8,lamb of ,god2' and observed  that he 
is so called1 from the purity and       
innocency of his nature--from  his      
meekness and patience under             
sufferings--from his being that         
atonement  which was pointed out in the 

sacrifice of lambs1 and in particular by
  the paschal lamb4 7#b47 ,considered   
how and in what sense he #8takes away   
the sin of the world2' and observed1    
that the means and manner in and by     
which he takes away the sins of men1 was
 his #8giving himself for them1'  doing 
and suffering in their room and stead1  
c4 ,and he is said to take  away the sin
 of the world1 not because all the world
 shall actually be  redeemed from sin by
 him1 but because he has done and       
suffered  sufficient to answer for the  
sins of the world1 and so to redeem all 
mankind2--he actually does take away the
 sins of the elect world4 ,and  7#c47   
considered how we are to behold him1 in 
order to have our sins  taken away4 ,not
 with our bodily eyes2 nor by imagining 
him on the cross1  c42 but by a         
spiritual view of his glory and         
goodness1 engaging the  soul to rely on 
him1 c4--,the divine presence attended  
this discourse2  and the assembly was   
considerably melted with divine truth4  

,after  sermon1 two made a public       
profession1 and ,i administered the     
,lord's  supper to near forty           
communicants of the ,indians1 besides   
divers dear  ,christians of the white   
people4 ,it seemed to be a season of    
divine power  and grace2 and numbers    
seemed to rejoice in ,god4 ,o the sweet 
union and  harmony then appearing among 
the religious people6 ,my soul was      
refreshed1 and my religious friends of  
the white people with me4 ,after  the   
ordinance1 could scarcely get home1     
though it was not more than  twenty     
rods2 but was supported and led by my   
friends1 and laid on my  bed2 where ,i  
lay in pain till some time in the       
evening2 and then was  able to sit up   
and discourse with friends4 ,o how was  
this day spent in  prayers and praises  
among my dear people6 ,one might hear   
them1 all the  morning before public    
worship1 and in the evening1 till near  
midnight1  praying and singing praises  
to ,god1 in one or other of their       

houses4 ,my  soul was refreshed1 though 
my body was weak4    ,oct4              
#aa4--8,toward night was seized with an 
ague1 which was followed  with a hard   
fever and considerable pain2 was treated
 with great  kindness2 and was ashamed  
to see so much concern about so unworthy
 a  creature as ,i knew myself to be4   
,was in a comfortable frame of mind1    
wholly submissive1 with regard to life  
or death4 ,it was indeed a  peculiar    
satisfaction to me1 to think that it was
 not my concern or  business to         
determine whether ,i should live or die4
 ,i likewise felt  peculiarly satisfied1
 while under this uncommon degree of    
disorder2  being now fully convinced of 
my being really weak1 and unable to     
perform  my work4 ,whereas1 at other    
times1 my mind was perplexed with fears 
that  ,i was a misimprover of time1 by  
conceiving ,i was sick1 when ,i was not 
in  reality so4 ,o how precious is time6
 ,and how guilty it makes me feel1  when
 ,i think that ,i have trifled away and 

misimproved it or neglected to  fill up 
each part of it with duty1 to the utmost
 of my ability and  capacity6    ,lord's
 day1 ,oct4 #ai4--8,was scarcely able to
 do any thing at all in the  week past1 
except that on ,thursday ,i rode out    
about four miles2 at which  time ,i took
 cold4 ,as ,i was able to do little or  
nothing1 so ,i enjoyed  not much        
spirituality1 or lively religious       
affection2 though at some  times ,i     
longed much to be more fruitful and full
 of heavenly affection2  and was grieved
 to see the hours slide away1 while ,i  
could do nothing  for ,god4--,was able  
this week to attend public worship4 ,was
 composed and  comfortable1 willing     
either to die or live2 but found it hard
 to be  reconciled to the thoughts of   
living useless4 ,oh that ,i might never 
live to be a burden to ,god's creation2 
but that ,i might be allowed to  repair 
home1 when my sojourning work is done60 
,this week1 he went back to his ,indians
 at ,cranberry1 to take some care  of   

their spiritual and temporal concerns2  
and was much spent with  riding1 though 
he rode but a little way in a day4      
,oct4 #bc4--8,went to my own house1 and 
set things in order4 ,was very  weak1   
and somewhat melancholy2 labored to do  
something1 but had no  strength2 and was
 forced to lie down on my bed1 very     
solitary4    ,oct4 #bd4--8,spent the day
 in overseeing and directing my people1 
about  mending their fence and securing 
their wheat4 ,found that all their      
concerns of a secular nature depended   
upon me4 ,was somewhat refreshed in  the
 evening1 having been able to do        
something valuable in the day-time4  ,o 
how it pains me to see time pass away1  
when ,i can do nothing to any  purpose6 
,lord's day1 ,oct4 #bf4--8;,in the      
morning was exceedingly weak4 ,spent the
  day1 till near night1 in pain1 to see 
my poor people wandering #8as sheep  not
 having a shepherd1' waiting and hoping 
to see me able to preach to  them before
 night4 ,it could not but distress me to

 see them in this  case1 and to find    
myself unable to attempt any thing for  
their spiritual  benefit4 ,but toward   
night1 finding myself a little better1  
,i called them  together to my house1   
and sat down1 and read and expounded    
,matthew1  #e3a-af4 ,this discourse1    
though delivered in much weakness1 was  
attended  with power to many of the     
hearers2 especially what was spoken upon
 the  last of these verses2 where ,i    
insisted on the infinite wrong done to  
religion1 by having our light become    
darkness1 instead of shining before     
men4 ,many in the congregation were now 
deeply affected with a sense of  their  
deficiency with respect to a spiritual  
conversation which might  recommend     
religion to others1 and a spirit of     
concern and watchfulness  seemed to be  
excited in them4 ,one1 in particular1   
who had fallen in the  sin of           
drunkenness some time before1 was now   
deeply convinced of his  sin1 and the   
great dishonor done to religion by his  

misconduct1 and  discovered a great     
degree of grief and concern on that     
account4 ,my soul  was refreshed to see 
this2 and though ,i had no strength to  
speak so much  as ,i would have done1   
but was obliged to lie down on the bed1 
yet ,i  rejoiced to see such an humble  
melting in the congregation1 and that   
divine truths1 though faintly delivered1
 were attended with so much  efficacy   
upon the auditory4    ,oct4             
#bg4--8,spent the day in overseeing and 
directing the ,indians about  mending   
the fence round their wheat3 was able to
 walk with them1 and  contrive their    
business1 all the forenoon4 ,in the     
afternoon1 was visited  by two dear     
friends1 and spent some time in         
conversation with them4  ,toward night  
,i was able to walk out1 and take care  
of the ,indians again4  ,in the evening1
 enjoyed a very peaceful frame4    ,oct4
 #bh4--8,rode to ,princeton in a very   
weak state1 had such a violent  fever by
 the way1 that ,i was forced to alight  

at a friend's house1 and  lie down for  
some time4 ,near night1 was visited by  
,mr4 ,treat1 ,mr4 ,beaty  and his wife1 
and another friend4 ,my spirits were    
refreshed to see them2  but ,i was      
surprised1 and even ashamed1 that they  
had taken so much pains  as to ride     
thirty or forty miles to see me4 ,was   
able to sit up most of  the evening2 and
 spent the time in a very comfortable   
manner with my  friends4    ,oct4       
#bi4--8,rode about ten miles with my    
friends who came yesterday to  see me2  
and then parted with them all but one1  
who stayed on purpose to  keep me       
company1 and cheer my spirits4    ,lords
 day1 ,nov4 #b4--8,was unable to preach1
 and scarcely able to sit up  the whole 
day4 ,was grieved1 and almost sunk1 to  
see my poor people  destitute of the    
means of grace2 especially as they could
 not read1 and  so were under great     
disadvantages for spending the ,sabbath 
comfortably4  ,o1 methought1 ,i could be
 contented to be sick1 if my poor flock 

had a  faithful pastor to feed them with
 spiritual knowledge6 ,a view of their  
want of this was more afflictive to me  
than all my bodily illness4    ,nov4    
#c4--8;,being now in so weak and low a  
state that ,i was utterly  incapable of 
performing my work1 and having little   
hope of recovery1  unless by much       
riding1 ,i thought it my duty to take a 
journey into  ,new-,england1 and to     
divert myself among my friends1 whom ,i 
had not now  seen for a long time4      
,accordingly ,i took leave of my        
congregation this  day4 ,before ,i left 
my people1 ,i visited them all in their 
respective  houses1 and discoursed to   
each one1 as ,i thought most proper and 
suitable for their circumstances1 and   
found great freedom in so doing4 ,i     
scarcely left one house but some were in
 tears2 and many were not only  affected
 with my being about to leave them1 but 
with the solemn  addresses ,i made them 
upon divine things2 for ,i was helped to
 be fervent  in spirit while ,i         

discoursed to them4 ,when ,i had thus   
gone through my  congregation1 which    
took me most of the day1 and had taken  
leave of  them1 and of the school1 ,i   
left home1 and rode about two miles1 to 
the  house where ,i lived in the summer 
past1 and there lodged4 ,was refreshed  
this evening1 because ,i had left my    
congregation so well disposed and       
affected1 and had been so much assisted 
in making my farewell addresses  to     
them4    ,nov4 #e4--8,rode to           
,elizabethtown2 intending1 as soon as   
possible1 to  prosecute my journey into 
,new-,england2 but was1 in an hour or   
two after  my arrival1 taken much worse4
 ,for near a week ,i was confined to my 
chamber1 and most of the time to my bed2
 and then so far revived as to  be able 
to walk about the house2 but was still  
confined within doors4    8,in the      
beginning of this extraordinary turn of 
disorder after my coming  to            
,elizabethtown1 ,i was enabled1 through 
mercy1 to maintain a calm1  composed1   

and patient spirit1 as ,i had been      
before from the beginning of  my        
weakness4 ,after ,i had been in         
,elizabethtown about a fortnight1 and   
had so far recovered that ,i was able to
 walk about the house1 upon a day  of   
thanksgiving kept in this place1 ,i was 
enabled to recal the mercies  of ,god in
 such a manner as greatly affected me1  
and filled me with  thankfulness and    
praise4 ,especially my soul praised ,god
 for his work of  grace among the       
,indians1 and the enlargement of his    
dear kingdom4 ,my  soul blessed ,god for
 what he is in himself1 and adored him1 
that he ever  would display himself to  
creatures4 ,i rejoiced that he was ,god1
 and  longed that all should know it1   
and feel it1 and rejoice in it4 #8,lord1
  glorify thyself1' was the desire and  
cry of my soul4 ,o that all people      
might love and praise the blessed ,god2 
that he might have all possible  honor  
and glory from the intelligent world6   
8,after this comfortable thanksgiving   

season1 ,i frequently enjoyed  freedom1 
enlargement1 and engagedness of soul in 
prayer2 and was enabled  to intercede   
with ,god for my dear congregation1 very
 often for every  family1 and every     
person in particular4 ,it was often a   
great comfort to  me1 that ,i could pray
 heartily to ,god for those to whom ,i  
could not  speak1 and whom ,i was not   
allowed to see4 ,but1 at other times1 my
  spirits were so low1 and my bodily    
vigor so much wasted1 that ,i had       
scarce any affections at all4    8,in   
,december1 ,i had revived so far as to  
be able to walk abroad and  visit my    
friends1 and seemed to be gaining       
health1 in the main1 until  ,lord's day1
 ,december #ba1 when ,i attended public 
worship1 and labored  much1 at the      
,lord's table1 to bring forth a certain 
corruption1 and have  it slain1 as being
 an enemy to ,god and my own soul2 and  
could not but  hope that ,i had gained  
some strength against this1 as well as  
other  corruptions2 and felt some       

brokenness of heart for my sin4         
8,after this1 having perhaps taken some 
cold1 ,i began to decline as to  bodily 
health2 and continued to do so till the 
latter end of ,january1  #agdg4 ,having 
a violent cough1 a considerable fever1  
an asthmatic  disorder1 and no appetite 
for any manner of food1 nor any power of
  digestion1 ,i was reduced to so low a 
state1 that my friends1 ,i believe1     
generally despaired of my life2 and some
 of them1 for a considerable  time1     
thought ,i could scarce live a day4 ,i  
could then think of nothing  with any   
application of mind1 and seemed to be in
 a great measure void  of all affection1
 and was exercised with great           
temptations2 but yet was  not1          
ordinarily1 afraid of death4    ,lord's 
day1 ,feb4 #a4--8,though in a very weak 
and low state1 ,i enjoyed a             
considerable degree of comfort and      
sweetness in divine things2 and was     
enabled to plead and use arguments with 
,god in prayer1 ,i think1 with a        

child-like spirit4 ,that passage of     
scripture occurred to my mind1 and  gave
 me great assistance1 #8,if ye1 being   
evil1 know how to give good  gifts to   
your children1 how much more will your  
heavenly ,father give the  ,holy ,spirit
 to them that ask him8' ,this text ,i   
was helped to plead1 and  insist upon2  
and saw the divine faithfulness engaged 
for dealing with me  better than any    
earthly parent can do with his child4   
,this season so  refreshed my soul1 that
 my body seemed also to be a gainer by  
it4 ,from  this time ,i began gradually 
to amend4 ,as ,i recovered some         
strength1  vigor1 and spirit1 ,i found  
at times some freedom and life in the   
exercises of devotion1 and some longings
 after spirituality and a life  of      
usefulness to the interests of the great
 ,redeemer4 ,at other times1 ,i  was    
awfully barren and lifeless1 and out of 
frame for the things of ,god2  so that  
,i was ready often to cry out1 #8,o that
 it were with me as in  months past6' ,o

 that ,god had taken me away in the     
midst of my  usefulness1 with a sudden  
stroke1 that ,i might not have been     
under a  necessity of trifling away time
 in diversions6 ,o that ,i had never    
lived  to spend so much precious time in
 so poor a manner1 and to so little     
purpose6 ,thus ,i often reflected1 was  
grieved1 ashamed1 and even  confounded1 
sunk1 and discouraged4    ,feb4         
#bd4--8;,i was able to ride as far as   
,newark1 7having been confined  in      
,elizabethtown almost four months17 and 
the next day returned to                
,elizabethtown4 ,my spirits were        
somewhat refreshed with the ride1 though
  my body was weary4    ,feb4           
#bh4--8,was visited by an ,indian of my 
own congregation1 who brought  me       
letters1 and good news of the sober and 
good behavior of my people in  general4 
,this refreshed my soul4 ,i could not   
but retire and bless ,god  for his      
goodness2 and found1 ,i trust1 a truly  
thankful frame of spirit1  that ,god    

seemed to be building up that           
congregation for himself4    ,march     
#d4--8;,i met with reproof from a       
friend1 which1 although ,i thought  ,i  
did not deserve it from him1 yet was1 ,i
 trust1 blessed of ,god to make  me more
 tenderly afraid of sin1 more jealous   
over myself1 and more  concerned to keep
 both heart and life pure and           
unblameable4 ,it likewise  caused me to 
reflect on my past deadness and want of 
spirituality1 and  to abhor myself1 and 
look on myself as most unworthy4 ,this  
frame of mind  continued the next day2  
and for several days after1 ,i grieved  
to think  that in my necessary          
diversions ,i had not maintained more   
seriousness1  solemnity1 and heavenly   
affection and conversation4 ,thus my    
spirits were  often depressed and sunk2 
and yet1 ,i trust1 that reproof was made
 to be  beneficial to me4    8,march    
#aa1 being kept in ,elizabethtown as a  
day of fasting and prayer1  ,i was able 
to attend public worship2 which was the 

first time ,i had been  able so to do   
since ,december #ba4 ,o how much        
weakness and distress did  ,god carry me
 through in this space of time6 ,but    
#8having obtained help  from him1' ,i   
yet live4 ,o that ,i could live more to 
his glory6    ,lord's day1 ,march       
#ae4--8,was able again to attend public 
worship1 and  felt some earnest desires 
of being restored to the ministerial    
work3  felt1 ,i think1 some spirit and  
life to speak for ,god4    ,march       
#ah4--8,rode out with a design to visit 
my people1 and the next day  arrived    
among them2 but was under great         
dejection in my journey4    8,on ,friday
 morning ,i rose early1 walked about    
among my people1  enquired into their   
state and concerns1 and found an        
additional weight  and burden on my     
spirits1 upon hearing some things       
disagreeable4 ,i  endeavored to go to   
,god with my distresses1 and made some  
kind of  lamentable complaint1 and in a 
broken manner spread my difficulties    

before ,god2 but notwithstanding1 my    
mind continued very gloomy4 ,about  ten 
o'clock ,i called my people together1   
and after having explained and  sung a  
psalm1 ,i prayed with them4 ,there was  
considerable affection among  them2 ,i  
doubt not1 in some instances1 that which
 was more than merely  natural40        
,this was the last interview which he   
ever had with his people4 ,about  eleven
 o'clock the same day he left them1 and 
the next day came to  ,elizabethtown4   
,march #bh4--8,was taken this morning   
with violent griping pains4 ,these      
pains were extreme and constant for     
several hours2 so that it seemed        
impossible for me1 without a miracle1 to
 live twenty-four hours in such         
distress4 ,i lay confined to my bed the 
whole day1 and in distressing  pain all 
the former part of it2 but it pleased   
,god to bless means for  the abatement  
of my distress4 ,was exceedingly        
weakened by this pain1 and  continued so
 for several days following2 being      

exercised with a fever1  cough1 and     
nocturnal sweats4 ,in this distressed   
case1 so long as my head  was free of   
vapory confusions1 death appeared       
agreeable to me4 ,i  looked on it as the
 end of toils1 and an entrance into a   
place #8where  the weary are at rest2'  
and think ,i had some relish for the    
entertainments of the heavenly state2 so
 that by these ,i was allured and       
drawn1 as well as driven by the fatigues
 of life4 ,o how happy it is to  be     
drawn by desires of a state of perfect  
holiness6    ,april #d4--8,was sunk and 
dejected1 very restless and uneasy1 by  
reason  of the misimprovement of time2  
and yet knew not what to do4 ,i longed  
to  spend time in fasting and prayer1   
that ,i might be delivered from         
indolence and coldness in the things of 
,god2 but1 alas1 ,i had not bodily      
strength for these exercises6 ,o how    
blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace  of
 conscience6 but how dreadful is a want 
of inward peace and composure  of soul6 

,it is impossible1 ,i find1 to enjoy    
this happiness without  redeeming time1 
and maintaining a spiritual frame of    
mind4    ,lord's day1 ,april #e4--8;,it 
grieved me to find myself so            
inconceivably  barren4 ,my soul thirsted
 for grace2 but1 alas1 how far was ,i   
from  obtaining what appeared to me so  
exceeding excellent6 ,i was ready to    
despair of ever being a holy creature1  
and yet my soul was desirous of         
#8following hard after ,god2' but never 
did ,i see myself so far from  #8having 
apprehended1 or being already perfect1' 
as at this time4 ,the  ,lord's supper   
being this day administered1 ,i attended
 the ordinance2 and  though ,i saw in   
myself a dreadful emptiness and want of 
grace1 and saw  myself as it were at an 
infinite distance from that purity which
 becomes  the gospel1 yet at the        
communion1 especially during the        
distribution of  the bread1 ,i enjoyed  
some warmth of affection1 and felt a    
tender love to  the brethren2 and1 ,i   

think1 to the glorious ,redeemer1 the   
first-born  among them4 ,i endeavored   
then to bring forth mine and his        
#8enemies1' and  #8slay them before     
him2' and found great freedom in begging
 deliverance  from this spiritual death1
 as well as in asking divine favors for 
my  friends and congregation1 and the   
church of ,christ in general4    ,april 
#aj4--8,this day my brother ,john       
arrived at ,elizabethtown4 ,spent  some 
time in conversation with him2 but was  
extremely weak40    ,this brother had   
been sent for by the ,correspondents1 to
 take care of  and instruct ,brainerd's 
congregation of ,indians2 he being      
obliged by his  illness to be absent    
from them4 ,he continued to take care of
 them till  ,brainerd's death1 and was  
soon after ordained his successor in his
  mission1 and to the charge of his     
congregation4    ,april #ag4--8;,in the 
evening1 could not but think that ,god  
helped me to  #8draw near to the throne 
of grace1' though most unworthy1 and    

gave me a  sense of his favor2 which    
afforded me inexpressible support and   
encouragement4 ,though ,i scarcely dared
 to hope that the mercy was real1  it   
appeared so great2 yet could not but    
rejoice that ever ,god should  discover 
his reconciled face to such a vile      
sinner4 ,shame and confusion1  at times1
 covered me2 and then hope1 and joy1 and
 admiration of divine  goodness gained  
the ascendancy4 ,sometimes ,i could not 
but admire the  divine goodness1 that   
the ,lord had not let me fall into all  
the grossest  and vilest acts of sin4   
,april #bj4--8,was in a very disordered 
state1 and kept my bed most of the  day4
 ,i enjoyed a little more comfort than  
in several of the preceding  days4 ,this
 day ,i arrived at the age of           
twenty-nine years4    ,april #ba4--8;,i 
set out on my journey for ,new ,england1
 in order 7if it  might be the will of  
,god7 to recover my health by riding40  
,this proved his final departure from   
,new-,jersey4 ,he travelled slowly1  and

 arrived among his friends at           
,east-,haddam1 about the beginning of   
,may4 ,there is very little account in  
his diary1 of the time that passed  from
 his setting out on his journey to ,may 
#aj4 ,he speaks of his  sometimes       
finding his heart rejoicing in the      
glorious perfections of  ,god1 and      
longing to live to him2 but complains of
 the unfixedness of his  thoughts1 and  
their being easily diverted from divine 
subjects1 and  cries out of his         
leanness1 as testifying against him1 in 
the loudest  manner4 ,concerning those  
diversions which he was obliged to use  
for  his health1 he says1 that he       
sometimes found he could use diversions 
with 8singleness of heart10 aiming at   
the glory of ,god2 but that he also     
found there was a necessity of great    
care and watchfulness1 lest he  should  
lose that spiritual temper of mind in   
his diversions1 and lest  they should   
degenerate into what was merely selfish1
 without any supreme  aim at the glory  

of ,god in them4    ,lord's day1 ,may   
#aj4--8;,i could not but feel some      
measure of gratitude to  ,god at this   
time1 that he had always disposed me1 in
 my ministry1 to  insist on the great   
doctrines of regeneration1 the new      
creature1  faith in ,christ1 progressive
 sanctification1 supreme love to ,god1  
living entirely to the glory of ,god1   
being not our own1 and the  like4 ,god  
thus helped me to see1 in the surest    
manner1 from time to  time1 that these1 
and the like doctrines necessarily      
connected with  them1 are the only      
foundation of safety and salvation for  
perishing  sinners and that those divine
 dispositions which are consonant       
hereto1  are that holiness1 #8without   
which no man shall see the ,lord4' ,the 
exercise of these ,godlike              
tempers--wherein the soul acts in a kind
 of  concert with ,god1 and would be and
 do every thing that is pleasing to     
him--,i saw1 would stand by the soul in 
a dying hour2 for ,god must1 ,i  think1 

deny himself1 if he cast away his own   
image1 even the soul  that is one in    
desires with himself4    ,lord's day1   
,may #ag4--8,spent the forenoon at home1
 being unable to  attend public worship4
 ,at this time1 ,god gave me such an    
affecting sense  of my own vileness1 and
 the exceeding sinfulness of my heart1  
that there  seemed to be nothing but sin
 and corruption within me4              
#8,innumerable  evils compassed me      
about2' my want of spirituality and holy
 living1 my  neglect of ,god1 and living
 to myself4 ,all the abominations of my 
heart  and life seemed to be open to my 
view2 and ,i had nothing to say1 but1   
#8,god be merciful to me a sinner4'     
,toward noon1 ,i saw that the grace of  
,god in ,christ is infinitely free      
toward sinners1 such sinners as ,i was4 
,i also saw that ,god is the supreme    
good2 that in his presence is life2  and
 ,i began to long to die1 that ,i might 
be with him1 in a state of  freedom from
 all sin4 ,o how a small glimpse of his 

excellency refreshed  my soul6 ,o how   
worthy is the blessed ,god to be loved1 
adored1 and  delighted in1 for himself1 
for his own divine excellencies6        
8,though ,i felt much dulness1 and want 
of a spirit of prayer this week1  yet ,i
 had some glimpses of the excellency of 
divine things2 and  especially one      
morning1 in secret meditation and       
prayer1 the excellency  and beauty of   
holiness1 as a likeness to the glorious 
,god1 was so  discovered to me1 that ,i 
began to long earnestly to be in that   
world  where holiness dwells in         
perfection4 ,i seemed to long for this  
perfect  holiness1 not so much for the  
sake of my own happiness1 although ,i   
saw  clearly that this was the greatest1
 yea1 the only happiness of the soul1   
as that ,i might please ,god1 live      
entirely to him1 and glorify him to the 
utmost stretch of my rational powers and
 capacities4    ,lord's day1 ,may       
#bd4--87;,at ,long-,meadow1 in          
,massachusetts47 ,could not but  think1 

as ,i have often remarked to others1    
that much more of true  religion        
consists in deep humility1 brokenness of
 heart1 and an  abasing sense of        
barrenness and want of grace and        
holiness1 than most  who are called     
,christians imagine2 especially those   
who have been  esteemed the converts of 
the late day4 ,many seem to know of no  
other  religion but elevated joys and   
affections1 arising only from some      
flights of imagination1 or some         
suggestion made to their mind1 of       
,christ  being their's1 ,god loving     
them1 and the like40    ,on ,thursday1  
,may #bh1 he came from ,long-,meadow to 
,northampton1 appearing  vastly better  
than1 by his account1 he had been in the
 winter--indeed so  well1 that he was   
able to ride twenty-five miles in a day1
 and to walk  half a mile2 and appeared 
cheerful1 and free from melancholy2 but 
yet he  was undoubtedly1 at that time1  
in a confirmed1 incurable consumption4  
,i had had much opportunity1 before     

this1 of particular information         
concerning him1 from many who were well 
acquainted with him2 and had  enjoyed a 
personal interview with him1 at         
,new-,haven1 near four years  before1 as
 has been already mentioned2 but now ,i 
had opportunity for a  more full        
acquaintance4 ,i found him remarkably   
sociable1 pleasant1 and  entertaining in
 his conversation2 yet solid1 savory1   
spiritual1 and very  profitable4 ,he    
appeared meek1 modest1 and humble2 far  
from any  stiffness1 moroseness1 or     
affected singularity in speech or       
behavior1  and seeming to dislike all   
such things4 ,we enjoyed not only the   
benefit  of his conversation1 but had   
the comfort and advantage of joining    
with  him in family prayer1 from time to
 time4 ,his manner of praying was very  
agreeable1 most becoming a worm of the  
dust and a disciple of ,christ1         
addressing an infinitely great and holy 
,god1 the ,father of mercies2 not  with 
florid expressions1 or a studied        

eloquence2 not with any  intemperate    
vehemence1 or indecent boldness4 ,it was
 at the greatest  distance from any     
appearance of ostentation1 and from     
every thing that  might look as though  
he meant to recommend himself to those  
that were  about him1 or set himself off
 to their acceptance4 ,it was free also 
from  vain repetitions2 without         
impertinent excursions1 or needless     
multiplying of words4 ,he expressed     
himself with the strictest propriety1   
with weight and pungency2 and yet1 what 
his lips uttered seemed to flow  from   
the fulness of his heart1 as deeply     
impressed with a great and  solemn sense
 of our necessities1 unworthiness1 and  
dependence1 and of  ,god's infinite     
greatness1 excellency and sufficiency1  
rather than merely  from a warm and     
fruitful brain1 pouring out good        
expressions4 ,i know not  that ,i ever  
heard him so much as ask a blessing or  
return thanks at  table1 but there was  
something remarkable to be observed both

 in the  matter and manner of the       
performance4 ,in his prayers1 he        
insisted much  on the prosperity of     
,zion1 the advancement of ,christ's     
kingdom in the  world1 and the          
flourishing and propagation of religion 
among the  ,indians4 ,and he generally  
made it one petition in his prayer1     
8that we  might not outlive our         
usefulness40    ,lord's day1 ,may       
#ca4--87;,at ,northampton47 ,i had      
little inward sweetness  in religion    
most of the week past2 not realizing and
 beholding  spiritually the glory of    
,god and the blessed ,redeemer2 from    
whence  always arise my comforts and    
joys in religion1 if ,i have any at all2
 and  if ,i cannot so behold the        
excellencies and perfections of ,god1 as
 to  cause me to rejoice in him for what
 he is in himself1 ,i have no solid     
foundation for joy4 ,to rejoice1 only   
because ,i apprehend ,i have an         
interest in ,christ1 and shall be       
finally saved1 is a poor mean business  

indeed40    ,this week he consulted ,dr4
 ,mather1 at my house1 concerning his   
illness2  who plainly told him1 that    
there were great evidences of his being 
in a  confirmed consumption1 and that he
 could give him no encouragement  that  
he would ever recover4 ,but it seemed   
not to occasion the least  discomposure 
in him1 nor to make any manner of       
alteration as to the  cheerfulness and  
serenity of his mind1 or the freedom or 
pleasantness of  his conversation4      
,lord's day1 ,june #g4--8,my attention  
was greatly engaged1 and my soul so     
drawn forth this day1 by what ,i heard  
of the 'exceeding preciousness of  the  
saving grace of ,god's ,spirit1' that it
 almost overcame my body1 in  my weak   
state4 ,i saw that true grace is        
exceedingly precious indeed2  that it is
 very rare2 and that there is but a very
 small degree of it1  even where the    
reality of it is to be found2 at least  
,i saw this to be  my case4    8,in the 
preceding week1 ,i enjoyed some         

comfortable seasons of  meditation4 ,one
 morning1 the cause of ,god appeared    
exceedingly precious  to me4 ,the       
,redeemer's kingdom is all that is      
valuable in the earth1 and  ,i could not
 but long for the promotion of it in the
 world4 ,i saw also1  that this cause is
 ,god's2 that he has an infinitely      
greater regard and  concern for it than 
,i could possibly have2 that if ,i have 
any true love  to this blessed interest1
 it is only a drop derived from that    
ocean4  ,hence ,i was ready to #8lift up
 my head with joy1' and conclude1       
',well1 if  ,god's cause be so dear and 
precious to him1 he will promote it4'   
,thus ,i  did1 as it were1 rest on ,god 
that he would surely promote that which 
was  so agreeable to his own will2      
though the time when1 must still be left
  to his sovereign pleasure40    ,he was
 advised by physicians still to continue
 riding1 as what would  tend1 above any 
other means1 to prolong his life4 ,he   
was at a loss1 for  some time1 which way

 to bend his course2 but finally        
determined to ride  from hence to       
,boston2 we having concluded that one of
 our family should  go with him1 and be 
helpful to him in his weak and low      
state4    ,june #i4--8;,i set out on a  
journey from ,northampton to ,boston4   
,travelled  slowly1 and got some        
acquaintance with a number of ministers 
on the  road4    8,having now continued 
to ride for a considerable time1 ,i felt
 much  better than ,i had formerly done1
 and found1 that in proportion to the   
prospect ,i had of being restored to a  
state of usefulness1 ,i desired the     
continuance of life2 but now death      
appeared inconceivably more  desirable  
to me than a useless life2 yet1 blessed 
be ,god1 ,i found my  heart1 at times1  
fully resigned and reconciled to this   
greatest of  afflictions1 if ,god saw   
fit thus to deal with me4    ,june      
#ab4--8;,i arrived in ,boston this day1 
somewhat fatigued with my  journey4     
,observed that there is no rest but in  

,god2 fatigues of body1  and anxieties  
of mind1 attend us both in town and     
country3 no place is  exempt4    ,lord's
 day1 ,june #ad4--8;,i enjoyed some     
enlargement and sweetness in  family    
prayer1 as well as in secret exercises2 
,god appeared excellent1  his ways full 
of pleasure and peace1 and all ,i wanted
 was a spirit of  holy fervency to live 
to him4    ,june #ag4--8,this and the   
two preceding days ,i spent mainly in   
visiting  the ministers of the town1 and
 was treated with great respect by them4
    ,june #ah4--8;,i was taken          
exceedingly ill1 and brought to the     
gates of  death1 by the breaking of     
small ulcers in my lungs1 as my         
physician  supposed4 ,in this extremely 
weak state ,i continued for several     
weeks2  and was frequently reduced so   
low as to be utterly speechless1 and not
  so much as to whisper a word4 ,even   
after ,i had so far revived as to walk  
about the house1 and to step out of     
doors1 ,i was exercised every day  with 

a faint turn1 which continued usually   
four or five hours2 at which  times1    
though ,i was not so utterly speechless 
but that ,i could say yes  or no1 yet ,i
 could not converse at all1 nor speak   
one sentence1 without  making stops for 
breath2 and a number of times my friends
 gathered round  my bed1 to see me      
breathe my last1 which they expected    
every moment1 as  ,i myself also did4   
8,how ,i was1 the first day or two of my
 illness1 with regard to the  exercise  
of reason1 ,i scarcely know4 ,i believe 
,i was somewhat shattered  with the     
violence of the fever at times2 but the 
third day of my  illness1 and constantly
 afterward1 for four or five weeks      
together1 ,i  enjoyed as much serenity  
of mind1 and clearness of thought1 as   
perhaps  ever in my life4 ,i think that 
my mind never penetrated with so much   
ease  and freedom into divine things1 as
 at this time2 and ,i never felt so     
capable of demonstrating the truth of   
many important doctrines of the  ,gospel

 as now4 ,as ,i saw clearly the truth of
 those great doctrines1  which are      
justly styled the doctrines of grace2 so
 ,i saw with no less  clearness1 that   
the essence of religion consisted in the
 soul's  conformity to ,god1 and acting 
above all selfish views for his glory1  
longing to be for him1 to live to him1  
and please and honor him in  all things3
 and this from a clear view of his      
infinite excellency and  worthiness in  
himself1 to be loved1 adored1           
worshipped1 and served by  all          
intelligent creatures4 ,thus ,i saw1    
that when a soul loves ,god with  a     
supreme love1 he therein acts like the  
blessed ,god himself1 who most  justly  
loves himself in that manner4 ,so when  
,god's interest and his are  become one1
 and he longs that ,god should be       
glorified1 and rejoices to  think that  
he is unchangeably possessed of the     
highest glory and  blessedness1 herein  
also he acts in conformity to ,god4 ,in 
like manner1  when the soul is fully    

resigned to1 and rests satisfied and    
content with  the divine will1 here it  
is also conformed to ,god4    8,i saw   
farther1 that as this divine temper1 by 
which the soul exalts  ,god1 and treads 
self in the dust1 is wrought in the soul
 by ,god's  discovering his own glorious
 perfections in the face of ,jesus      
,christ  to it by the special influences
 of the ,holy ,spirit1 so he cannot but 
have regard to it as his own work2 and  
as it is his image in his soul1  he     
cannot but take delight in it4 ,then ,i 
saw again1 that if ,god should  slight  
and reject his own moral image1 he must 
needs deny himself2  which he cannot do4
 ,and thus ,i saw the stability and     
infallibility  of this religion2 and    
that those who are truly possessed of   
it1 have the  most complete and         
satisfying evidence of their being      
interested in all  the benefits of      
,christ's redemption1 having their      
hearts conformed to  him2 and that      
these1 and these only1 are qualified for

 the employments  and entertainments of 
,god's kingdom of glory2 as none but    
these have any  relish for the business 
of heaven1 which is to ascribe glory to 
,god1 and  not to themselves2 and that  
,god 7though ,i would speak it with     
great  reverence of his name and        
perfection7 cannot1 without denying     
himself1  finally cast such away4       
8,the next thing ,i had then to do1 was 
to inquire whether this was my          
religion2 and here ,god was pleased to  
help me to the most easy  remembrance   
and critical review of what had passed  
in course1 of a  religious nature1      
through several of the latter years of  
my life4  ,although ,i could discover   
much corruption attending my best       
duties1 many  selfish views and carnal  
ends1 much spiritual pride and          
self-exaltation1  and innumerable other 
evils which compassed me about1 yet ,god
 was  pleased1 as ,i was reviewing1     
quickly to put this question out of     
doubt1  by showing me that ,i had1 from 

time to time1 acted above the utmost    
influence of mere self-love2 that ,i had
 longed to please and glorify  him1 as  
my highest happiness1 c4 ,this review   
was1 through grace1  attended with a    
present feeling of the same divine      
temper of mind4 ,i  felt now pleased to 
think of the glory of ,god1 and longed  
for heaven1 as  a state wherein ,i might
 glorify him perfectly1 rather than a   
place of  happiness for myself4 ,this   
feeling of the love of ,god in my heart1
 which  ,i trust the ,spirit of ,god    
excited in me afresh1 was sufficient to 
give  me a full satisfaction1 and make  
me long1 as ,i had many times before    
done1 to be with ,christ4    8,as ,god  
was pleased to afford me clearness of   
thought1 and composure of  mind1 almost 
continually for several weeks1 under my 
great weakness2 so  he enabled me1 in   
some measure1 to improve my time1 as ,i 
hope1 to  valuable purposes4 ,i was     
enabled to write a number of important  
letters  to friends in remote places2   

and sometimes ,i wrote when ,i was      
speechless1 i4 e4 unable to maintain    
conversation with any body2  though     
perhaps ,i was able to speak a word or  
two so as to be heard4    8,at this     
season also1 while ,i was confined at   
,boston1 ,i read with care  and         
attention some papers of old ,mr4       
,shepard1 lately come to light1 and     
designed for the press2 and1 as ,i was  
desired and greatly urged1 made  some   
corrections where the sense was left    
dark for want of a word or  two4 ,beside
 this1 ,i had many visitants1 with whom1
 when ,i was able to  speak1 ,i always  
conversed of the things of religion1 and
 was peculiarly  assisted in            
distinguishing between the true and     
false religion of  the times4 ,there is 
scarcely any subject which has been     
matter of  controversy of late1 but ,i  
was at one time or other compelled to   
discuss  and show my opinion respecting 
it1 and that frequently before numbers  
of  people4 ,especially1 ,i discoursed  

repeatedly on the nature and necessity  
of that humiliation1 self-emptiness1 or 
full conviction of a  person's being    
utterly undone in himself1 which is     
necessary in order to  a saving faith2  
and the extreme difficulty of being     
brought to this1 and  the great danger  
there is of persons taking up with some 
self-righteous  appearances of it4 ,the 
danger of this ,i especially dwelt upon1
 being  persuaded that multitudes perish
 in this hidden way2 and because so     
little is said from most pulpits to     
discover any danger here2 so that       
persons being never effectually brought 
to die in themselves1 are  never truly  
united to ,christ1 and so perish4 ,i    
also discoursed much on  what ,i take to
 be the essence of true religion2       
endeavoring plainly to  describe that   
god-like temper and disposition of soul1
 and that holy  conversation and        
behavior1 which may justly claim the    
honor of having  ,god for its original  
and patron4 ,i have reason to hope ,god 

blessed my  way of discoursing and      
distinguishing to some1 both ministers  
and  people2 so that my time was not    
wholly lost40    ,he was visited while  
in ,boston by many1 who showed him      
uncommon respect1  and appeared highly  
pleased and entertained with his        
conversation4  ,beside being honored    
with the company and respect of         
ministers of the  town1 he was visited  
by several ministers from various parts 
of the  country4 ,he took all           
opportunities to discourse on the       
peculiar nature  and distinguishing     
characteristics of true1 spiritual1 and 
vital  religion2 and to bear his        
testimony against the various false     
appearances of it1 consisting in1 or    
arising from impressions on the         
imagination1 sudden and supposed        
immediate suggestions of truth not      
contained in the ,scripture1 and that   
faith which consists primarily in  a    
person's believing that ,christ died for
 him in particular1 c4 ,what he  said   

was1 for the most part1 heard with      
uncommon attention and regard2  and his 
discourses and reasonings appeared      
manifestly to have great  weight and    
influence with many with whom he        
conversed1 both ministers  and others4  
,the ,commissioners in ,boston1 of the  
,society in ,london for propagating  the
 ,gospel in ,new-,england and parts     
adjacent1 having received a legacy  of  
the late ,rev4 ,dr4 ,daniel ,williams1  
of ,london1 for the support of two      
missionaries to the heathen1 were       
pleased1 while he was in ,boston1 to    
consult him about a mission to those    
,indians called the ,six ,nations1      
particularly respecting the             
qualifications requisite in a missionary
 to  those ,indians4 ,they were so      
satisfied with his sentiments on this   
head1  and had such confidence in his   
faithfulness1 his judgment and          
discretion  in things of this nature1   
that they desired him to undertake to   
find and  recommend two persons fit to  

be employed in this business2 and very  
much  left the matter with him4         
,,brainerd',s restoration from his      
extremely low state in ,boston1 so as to
  go abroad again1 and to travel1 was   
very unexpected to him and his  friends4
 ,my daughter1 who was with him1 writes 
thus concerning him1 in a  letter dated 
,june #bc3    8,on ,thursday1 he was    
very ill with a violent fever1 and      
extreme pain in  his head and breast1   
and at turns delirious4 ,so he remained 
till  ,saturday evening1 when he seemed 
to be in the agonies of death2 the      
family was up with him till one or two  
o'clock1 expecting that every  hour     
would be his last4 ,on ,sabbath day he  
was a little revived1 his head  was     
better1 but he was very full of pain1   
exceeding sore at his breast1  and had  
great difficulty in breathing4          
,yesterday he was better4 ,last  night  
he slept but little4 ,this morning he   
was much worse4 ,dr4 ,pynchon  says1 he 
has no hope of his life2 nor does he    

think it likely that he  will ever come 
out of the chamber2 though he says he   
may be able to  come to ,northampton40  
,in another letter1 dated ,june #bi1 she
 says3--8,mr4 ,,brainerd has not so     
much pain1 nor fever1 since ,i last     
wrote1 as before2 yet he is extremely   
weak and low1 and very faint1 expecting 
every day will be his last4 ,he  says it
 is impossible for him to live1 for he  
has hardly vigor enough to  draw his    
breath4 ,i went this morning into town1 
and when ,i came home1  ,mr4 ,bromfield 
said he never expected ,i should see him
 alive1 for he lay  two hours1 as they  
thought1 dying2 one could scarcely tell 
whether he  was alive or not2 he was not
 able to speak for some time2 but now is
  much as he was before4 ,the doctor    
thinks he will drop away in such a      
turn4 ,mr4 ,,brainerd says1 he never    
felt any thing so much like  dissolution
 as that he felt to-day2 and says1 he   
never had any  conception of its being  
possible for any creature to be alive1  

and yet  so weak as he is from day to   
day4 ,dr4 ,pynchon says1 he should not  
be  surprised if he should so recover as
 to live half a year2 nor would it      
surprise him if he should die in half a 
day4 ,since ,i began to write1 he  is   
not so well1 having had a faint turn    
again3 yet he is patient and  resigned1 
having no distressing fears1 but the    
contrary40    ,he expressed himself to  
one of my neighbors1 who at that time   
saw him in  ,boston1 that he was as     
certainly a dead man1 as if he was shot 
through  the heart4 ,but so it was      
ordered in divine ,providence1 that the 
strength  of nature held out1 and he    
revived1 to the astonishment of all who 
knew  his case4    ,after he began to   
revive1 he was visited by his youngest  
brother1  ,,israel1 a student at ,yale  
,college2 who having heard of his       
extreme  illness1 went from thence to   
,boston1 in order to see him2 if he     
might  find him alive1 which he but     
little expected4 ,,brainerd greatly     

rejoiced  to see his brother1 especially
 because he had desired an opportunity  
of  some religious conversation with him
 before he died4 ,but this meeting  was 
attended with sorrow1 as his brother    
brought to him the tidings of  his      
sister ,spencer's death1 at ,haddam2 a  
sister1 between whom and him  had long  
subsisted a peculiarly dear affection1  
and much intimacy in  spiritual things1 
and whose house he used to make his own 
when he went  to ,haddam1 his native    
place4 ,but he had a confidence of her  
being gone  to heaven1 and an           
expectation of soon meeting her there4  
,his brother  continued with him till he
 left the town1 and came with him from  
thence  to ,northampton4 ,concerning the
 last ,sabbath ,brainerd spent in       
,boston1 he  writes in his diary as     
follows3    ,lord's day1 ,july          
#ai4--8;,i was just able to attend      
public worship1 being  carried to the   
house of ,god in a chaise4 ,heard ,dr4  
,sewall preach in the  forenoon3 partook

 of the ,lord's supper at this time4 ,in
 this ordinance ,i  saw astonishing     
divine wisdom displayed1 such wisdom as 
clearly  required the tongues of angels 
and glorified saints to celebrate4 ,it  
seemed to me that ,i never should do any
 thing at adoring the infinite  wisdom  
of ,god1 discovered in the contrivance  
of man's redemption1 until  ,i arrived  
at a world of perfection2 yet ,i could  
not help striving #8to  call upon my    
soul1 and all within me1 to bless the   
name of ,god4' ,in the  afternoon1 heard
 ,mr4 ,prince preach4 ,i saw more of    
,god in the wisdom  discovered in the   
plan of man's redemption1 than ,i saw of
 any other of  his perfections1 through 
the whole day40    ,the next day1 having
 bid an affectionate farewell to his    
friends1 he set  out in the cool of the 
afternoon1 on his journey to            
,northampton1  attended by his brother  
and my daughter1 who went with him to   
,boston2  and would have been           
accompanied out of the town by a number 

of  gentlemen1 besides the respected    
person who gave him his company for     
some miles on that occasion1 as a       
testimony of their esteem and respect1  
had not his aversion to any thing of    
pomp and show prevented it4    ,july    
#be4--8;,i arrived here1 at             
,northampton2 having set out from       
,boston  on ,monday1 about #d o'clock   
,p4 ,m4 ,in this journey ,i usually rode
 about  sixteen miles a day4 ,was       
sometimes extremely tired and faint on  
the  road1 so that it seemed impossible 
for me to proceed any further2 at  other
 times ,i was considerably better1 and  
felt some freedom both of  body and     
mind4    ,lord's day1 ,july #bf4--8,this
 day ,i saw clearly that ,i should never
 be  happy2 yea1 that ,god himself could
 not make me happy1 unless ,i could be  
in a capacity to #8please and glorify   
him for ever4' ,take away this1 and     
admit me in all the fine heavens that   
can be conceived of by men or  angels1  
and ,i should still be miserable for    

ever40    ,though he had so revived as  
to be able to travel thus far1 yet he   
manifested no expectation of recovery4  
,he supposed1 as his physician  did1    
that his being brought so near to death 
at ,boston1 was owing to the  breaking  
of ulcers in his lungs4 ,he told me that
 he had several such ill  turns before1 
only not to so high a degree1 but1 as he
 supposed1 owing  to the same cause1    
viz4 the breaking of ulcers2 that he was
 brought  lower and lower every time2   
that it appeared to him1 that in his    
last  sickness he was brought as low as 
he could be1 and yet live2 and that he  
had not the least expectation of        
surviving the next return of this       
breaking of ulcers2 he still appeared   
perfectly calm in the prospect of       
death4    ,on ,wednesday morning1 the   
week after he came to ,northampton1 his 
brother ,israel left us for ,new-,haven1
 and he took leave of him1 never        
expecting to see him again in this      
world4    ,when ,,brainerd came hither1 

he had so much strength as to be able1  
from  day to day1 to ride out two or    
three miles1 and sometimes to pray in   
the  family2 but from this time he      
gradually decayed1 becoming weaker and  
weaker4 ,as long as he lived1 he spoke  
much of that future prosperity of  ,zion
 which is so often foretold and promised
 in the ,scriptures2 it was  a theme    
upon which he delighted to dwell2 and   
his mind seemed to be  carried forth    
with earnest concern about it1 and      
intense desires that  religion might    
speedily and abundantly revive and      
flourish2 yea1 the  nearer death        
advanced1 and the more the symptoms of  
its approach  increased1 still the more 
did his mind seem to be taken up with   
this  subject4 ,he told me1 when near   
his end1 that 8he never1 in all his     
life1  had his mind so led forth in     
desires and earnest prayers for the     
flourishing of ,christ's kingdom on     
earth1 as since he was brought so       
exceeding low at ,boston40 ,he seemed   

much to wonder that there appeared  no  
more of a disposition in ministers and  
people to pray for the  flourishing of  
religion through the world2 that so     
little a part of  their prayers was     
generally taken up about it1 in their   
families and  elsewhere4 ,particularly1 
he several times expressed his wonder   
that  there appeared no more forwardness
 to comply with the proposal lately     
made1 in a ,memorial from a number of   
ministers in ,scotland1 and sent  over  
into ,america1 for united extraordinary 
prayer1 amongst ,christ's  ministers and
 people1 for the coming of ,christ's    
kingdom3 and sent it as  his dying      
advice to his own congregation1 that    
they should practise  agreeably to that 
proposal4    ,though he was constantly  
exceeding weak1 yet there appeared in   
him a  continual care well to improve   
time1 and fill it up with something     
that might be profitable1 and in some   
respect for the glory of ,god or  the   
good of men2 either profitable          

conversation1 or writing letters to     
absent friends2 or noting something in  
his diary2 or looking over his  former  
writings1 correcting them1 and preparing
 them to be left in the  hands of others
 at his death2 or giving some directions
 concerning the  future management of   
his people2 or in secret devotions4 ,he 
seemed never  to be easy1 however ill1  
if he was not doing something for ,god1 
or in  his service4 ,after he came      
hither1 he wrote a preface to a diary of
  ,mr4 ,,shepard1 contained in the      
papers above mentioned1 which has since 
been published4    ,in his diary for    
,lord's day1 ,august #i1 he speaks of   
longing desires  after death1 through a 
sense of the excellency of a state of   
perfection4 ,in his diary for ,lord's   
day1 ,august #af1 he speaks of his      
having so much refreshment of soul in   
the house of ,god that it seemed  also  
to refresh his body4 ,and this is not   
only noted in his diary1 but  was very  
observable to others2 it was apparent1  

not only that his mind  was exhilarated 
with inward consolation1 but also that  
his animal  spirits and bodily strength 
seemed to be remarkably restored1 as    
though  he had forgot his illness4 ,but 
this was the last time that ever he     
attended public worship on the ,sabbath4
    ,on ,tuesday morning that week1 as  
,i was absent on a journey1 he prayed   
with my family1 but not without much    
difficulty1 for want of bodily          
strength2 and this was the last family  
prayer that he ever made4 ,he had  been 
wont1 till now1 frequently to ride out1 
two or three miles3 but  this week1 on  
,thursday1 was the last time he ever did
 so4    ,lord's day1 ,aug4 #bc4--8,this 
morning ,i was considerably refreshed   
with  the thought1 yea1 the hope and    
expectation of the enlargement of       
,christ's kingdom2 and ,i could not but 
hope that the time was at hand1  when   
,babylon the great would fall1 and      
#8rise no more4' ,this led me to  some  
spiritual meditations1 which were very  

refreshing to me4 ,i was  unable to     
attend public worship either part of the
 day2 but ,god was  pleased to afford me
 fixedness and satisfaction in divine   
thoughts4  ,nothing so refreshes my     
soul1 as when ,i can go to ,god1 yea1   
'to ,god my  exceeding joy ,when he is  
such to my soul1 ,o how unspeakably     
delightful  is this6    8,in the week   
past ,i had divers turns of inward      
refreshing1 though my  body was         
inexpressibly weak1 followed continually
 with agues and fevers4  ,sometimes my  
soul centered in ,god1 as my only       
portion2 and ,i felt that ,i  should be 
for ever unhappy1 if ,he did not reign4 
,i saw the sweetness and  happiness of  
being his subject1 at his disposal4     
,this made all my  difficulties quickly 
vanish40    ,till this week he had been 
wont to lodge in a room above stairs1   
but he  now grew so weak1 that he was no
 longer able to go up stairs and down4  
,friday1 ,august #bh1 was the last time 
he ever went above stairs2  henceforward

 he betook himself to a lower room4     
,on ,wednesday1 ,sept4 #b1 being the day
 of our public lecture1 he seemed  to be
 refreshed with seeing the neighboring  
ministers who came hither to  the       
lecture1 and expressed a great desire   
once more to go to the house  of ,god on
 that day2 and accordingly rode to the  
meeting1 and attended  divine service1  
while the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,woodbridge1 of    
,hatfield1 preached4 ,he  signified that
 he supposed it to be the last time he  
should ever attend  public worship2 as  
it proved4 ,indeed it was the last time 
that he ever  went out of our gate4     
,on the ,saturday evening next          
following1 he was unexpectedly visited  
by  his brother1 ,mr4 ,,john ,,brainerd1
 who came to see him from ,new-,jersey4 
,he  was much refreshed by this         
unexpected visit1 this brother being    
peculiarly dear to him2 and he seemed to
 rejoice in a devout and solemn  manner1
 to see him1 and to hear the comfortable
 tidings which he brought  concerning   

the state of his dear congregation of   
,christian ,indians4 ,a  circumstance of
 this visit of which he was exceedingly 
glad1 was1 that  his brother brought him
 some of his private writings from      
,new-,jersey1  and particularly his     
diary1 which he had kept for many years 
past4    ,lord's day1 ,sept4 #f4--8;,i  
began to read some of my private        
writings  which my brother brought me1  
and was considerably refreshed with what
 ,i  found in them4    ,sept4 #g4--8;,i 
proceeded further in reading my old     
private writings1 and  found that they  
had the same effect upon me as before4  
,i could not but  rejoice and bless ,god
 for what passed long ago1 which1       
without writing1  had been entirely     
lost4    8,this evening1 when ,i was in 
great distress of body1 my soul longed  
that  ,god should be glorified4 ,o that 
,i could for ever live to ,god6 ,the    
day1  ,i trust1 is at hand1 the perfect 
day4 ,o the day of deliverance from all 
sin6    ,lord's day1 ,sept4 #ac4--8;,i  

was much refreshed and engaged in       
meditation  and writing1 and found a    
heart to act for ,god4 ,my spirits were 
refreshed1 and my soul delighted to do  
something for ,god40    ,on the evening 
of that ,lord's day1 his feet began to  
swell2 and  thenceforward swelled more  
and more3 a symptom of his dissolution  
coming  on4 ,the next day1 his brother  
,john left him1 being obliged to return 
to  ,new-,jersey on some business of    
great importance and necessity2         
intending  to return again with all     
possible speed1 hoping to see his       
brother yet  once more in the land of   
the living4    ,,brainerd having now1   
with much deliberation1 considered the  
subject  referred to him by the         
commissioners of the ,society for       
propagating the  ,gospel in             
,new-,england and parts adjacent1 wrote 
them about this time1  recommending two 
young gentlemen of his acquaintance1    
,mr4 ,elihu ,spencer1  of ,east ,haddam1
 and ,mr4 ,job ,strong1 of ,northampton1

 as suitable  missionaries to the ,six  
,nations4 ,the commissioners1 on the    
receipt of  this letter1 cheerfully and 
unanimously agreed to accept of and     
employ  the persons whom he had         
recommended4    ,on ,wednesday1 ,sept4  
#af1 he wrote to some charitable        
gentlemen in  ,boston in behalf of the  
,indian school1 showing the need of     
another  schoolmaster1 or some person to
 assist the schoolmaster in instructing 
the ,indian children4 ,these gentlemen1 
on the receipt of his letter1 had  a    
meeting1 and agreed with great          
cheerfulness to give #bjj 7in bills of  
the old tenor7 for the support of       
another schoolmaster2 and desired the   
,rev4 ,mr4 ,pemberton1 of ,new-,york1   
7who was then at ,boston1 and was also  
at their desire1 present at the         
meeting17 as soon as possible to procure
  a suitable person for that service2   
and also agreed1 in accordance with  an 
intimation from ,,brainerd1 to allow #gd
 to defray some special charges  which  

were requisite to encourage the mission 
to the ,six ,nations4    ,,brainerd     
spent himself much in writing those     
letters1 being exceedingly  weak2 but it
 seemed to be much to his satisfaction  
that he had been  enabled to do it1     
hoping that it was something done for   
,god1 and which  might be for the       
advancement of ,christ's kingdom and    
glory4 ,in writing  the last of these   
letters1 he was obliged to use the hand 
of another4    ,on ,thursday of this    
week1 7,sept4 #ag17 when he went out of 
his  lodging-room for the last time1 he 
was again visited by his brother        
,,israel1 who continued with him till   
his death4 ,on that evening he was      
taken with something of a diarrhea1     
which he looked upon as another sign  of
 his approaching death2 whereupon he    
expressed himself thus3 8,oh1 the       
glorious time is now coming6 ,i have    
longed to serve ,god perfectly3 now     
,god will gratify those desires60 ,and  
from time to time1 at the several  steps

 and new symptoms of the sensible       
approach of his dissolution1 he  was so 
far from being sunk or depressed in     
spirits1 that he seemed to be  animated 
and made more cheerful1 as being glad at
 the appearance of  death's approach4   
,he often used the epithet glorious1    
when speaking of  the day of his death1 
calling it that glorious day4 ,and as he
 saw his  dissolution gradually         
approaching1 he talked much about it2   
and with  perfect calmness spoke of a   
future state4 ,he also settled all his  
affairs1 giving directions very         
particularly and minutely concerning    
what he would have done in one respect  
and another after his decease4  ,and the
 nearer death approached1 the more      
desirous he seemed to be to  depart4 ,he
 several times spoke of the different   
kinds of willingness to  die2 and       
represented it as an ignoble1 mean kind1
 to be willing to leave  the body only  
to get rid of pain2 or to go to heaven  
only to get honor  and advancement      

there4    ,sept4 #ai4--8,near night1    
while ,i attempted to walk a little1 my 
thoughts  turned thus3 #8,how infinitely
 sweet to love ,god1 and be all for     
him6'  ,upon which it was suggested to  
me1 #8,you are not an angel1 not lively 
and  active4' ,to which my whole soul   
immediately replied1 #8,i as sincerely  
desire to love and glorify ,god as any  
angel in heaven4' ,upon which it  was   
suggested again1 #8,but you are filthy1 
not fit for heaven4' ,hereupon          
instantly appeared the blessed robes of 
,christ's righteousness1 in  which ,i   
could not but exult and triumph2 and ,i 
viewed the infinite  excellency of ,god1
 and my soul even broke with longings   
that ,god should  be glorified4 ,i      
thought of dignity in heaven1 but       
instantly the thought  returned1 #8,i do
 not go to heaven to get honor1 but to  
give all possible  glory and praise4' ,o
 how ,i longed that ,god should be      
glorified on  earth also6 ,o ,i was made
 for eternity1 if ,god might be         

glorified6  ,bodily pains ,i cared not  
for2 though ,i was then in extremity1 ,i
 never  felt easier4 ,i felt willing to 
glorify ,god in that state of bodily    
distress as long as he pleased ,i should
 continue in it4 ,the grave  appeared   
really sweet1 and ,i longed to lodge my 
weary bones in it2 but ,o  that ,god    
might be glorified6 this was the burden 
of all my cry4 ,o ,i knew  that ,i      
should be active as an angel in heaven1 
and that ,i should be  stripped of my   
filthy garments6 so that there was no   
objection4 ,but1 ,o  to love and praise 
,god more1 to please him for ever6 this 
my soul panted  after1 and even now     
pants for1 while ,i write4 ,oh that ,god
 might be  glorified in the whole earth6
 #8,lord let thy kingdom come4' ,i      
longed for  a spirit of preaching to    
descend and rest on ministers1 that they
 might  address the consciences of men  
with closeness and power4 ,i saw that   
,god  had the residue of the ,spirit1   
and my soul longed that it should be    

#8poured from on high4' ,i could not but
 plead with ,god for my dear            
congregation1 that he would preserve it1
 and not suffer his great name  to lose 
its glory in that work2 my soul still   
longing that ,god might be  glorified40 
,the extraordinary frame he was in that 
evening could not be hid4 8,his  mouth  
spake out of the abundance of his       
heart10 expressing in a very  affecting 
manner much the same things as are      
written in his diary4 ,among  very many 
other extraordinary expressions which he
 then uttered1 were  such as these3 8,my
 heaven is to please ,god1 and glorify  
him1 and to give  all to him1 and to be 
wholly devoted to his glory2 that is the
 heaven ,i  long for2 that is my        
religion1 and that is my happiness1 and 
always was1  ever since ,i suppose ,i   
had any true religion2 and all those    
that are of  that religion shall meet me
 in heaven4 ,i do not go to heaven to be
  advanced1 but to give honor to ,god4  
,it is no matter where ,i shall be      

stationed in heaven1 whether ,i have a  
high or low seat there2 but to  love1   
and please1 and glorify ,god is all4    
,had ,i a thousand souls1 if  they were 
worth any thing1 ,i would give them all 
to ,god2 but ,i have  nothing to give   
when all is done4 ,it is impossible for 
any rational  creature to be happy      
without acting all for ,god2 ,god       
himself could not  make him happy any   
other way4 ,i long to be in heaven1     
praising and  glorifying ,god with the  
holy angels2 all my desire is to glorify
 ,god4 ,my  heart goes out to the       
burying place2 it seems to me a         
desirable place3  but ,o to glorify     
,god6 that is it2 that is above all4 ,it
 is a great  comfort to me to think that
 ,i have done a little for ,god in the  
world2  ,oh6 it is but a very small     
matter1 yet ,i have done a little1 and  
,i  lament that ,i have not done more   
for him4 ,there is nothing in the world 
worth living for1 but doing good1 and   
finishing ,god's work1 doing the  work  

that ,christ did4 ,i see nothing else in
 the world that can yield any           
satisfaction besides living to ,god1    
pleasing him1 and doing his whole  will4
 ,my greatest joy and comfort has been  
to do something for promoting  the      
interest of religion and the souls of   
particular persons2 and now1  in my     
illness1 while ,i am full of pain and   
distress from day to day1 all  the      
comfort ,i have is in being able to do  
some little service for ,god1  either by
 something ,i say1 or by writing1 or in 
some other way40    ,he intermingled    
with these1 and other like expressions1 
many pathetical  counsels to those who  
were about him1 particularly to my      
children and  servants4 ,he applied     
himself to some of my younger children  
at this  time2 calling them to him1 and 
speaking to them one by one2 setting    
before them1 in a very plain manner1 the
 nature and essence of true  piety1 and 
its great importance and necessity2     
earnestly warning them  not to rest in  

any thing short of a true and thorough  
change of heart1  and a life devoted to 
,god4 ,he counselled them not to be     
slack in the  great business of         
religion1 nor in the least to delay it2 
enforcing his  counsels with this1 that 
his words were the words of a dying man4
 ,said  he1 8,i shall die here1 and here
 ,i shall be buried1 and here you will  
see  my grave1 and ,i wish you to       
remember what ,i have said to you4 ,i am
 going  into eternity2 and it is sweet  
for me to think of eternity2 the        
endlessness of it makes it sweet3 but ,o
 what shall ,i say of the eternity  of  
the wicked6 ,i cannot mention it1 nor   
think of it2 the thought is too         
dreadful4 ,when you see my grave1 then  
remember what ,i said to you while  ,i  
was alive2 then think how the man who   
lies in that grave counselled  and      
warned you to prepare for death40       
,his body seemed to be marvellously     
strengthened1 through the inward  vigor 
and refreshment of his mind2 so that1   

although before he was so  weak that he 
could hardly utter a sentence1 yet now  
he continued his  most affecting and    
profitable discourse to us for more than
 an hour1  with scarce any intermission2
 and said of it when he had done1 8it   
was  the last sermon that ever he should
 preach40 ,this extraordinary frame of  
mind continued the next day1 of which he
 speaks in his diary as follows3        
,lord's day1 ,sept4 #bj4--8,was still in
 a sweet and comfortable frame1 and  was
 again melted with desires that ,god    
might be glorified1 and with  longings  
to love and live to him4 ,longed for the
 influences of the  divine ,spirit to   
descend on ministers in an especial     
manner4 ,and ,o ,i  longed to be with   
,god1 to behold his glory1 and to bow in
 his presence40    ,it appears by what  
is noted in his diary1 both of this day 
and the  evening preceding1 that his    
mind at this time was much impressed    
with a  sense of the importance of the  
work of the ministry1 and the need of   

the grace of ,god1 and his special      
spiritual assistance in this work2 it   
also appeared in what he expressed in   
conversation1 particularly in his       
discourse to his brother ,israel1 who   
was then a member of ,yale ,college  at 
,new-,haven1 prosecuting his studies for
 the work of the ministry4,i  ,he now1  
and from time to time1 in this his dying
 state1 recommended to  his brother a   
life of self-denial1 of weanedness from 
the world and  devotedness to ,god1 and 
an earnest endeavor to obtain much of   
the grace  of ,god's ,spirit1 and ,god's
 gracious influences on his heart2      
representing the great need in which    
ministers stand of them1 and the        
unspeakable benefit of them1 from his   
own experience4 ,among many other       
expressions1 he said thus3 8,when       
ministers feel these special gracious   
influences on their hearts1 it          
wonderfully assists them to come at the 
consciences of men1 and as it were to   
handle them with hands2 whereas1        

without them1 whatever reason and       
oratory we make use of1 we do but make  
use of stumps1 instead of hands40       
,footnote ,i3      ,this brother was    
ingenious1 serious1 studious1 and       
hopefully pious2    there appeared in   
him many qualities giving hope of his   
being a great    blessing in his day4   
,but it pleased ,god1 soon after the    
death of his    brother1 to take him    
away also4 ,he died that winter at      
,new-,haven1    ,january #f1 #agdh1 of a
 nervous fever1 after about a           
fortnight's    illness4    ,sept4       
#ba4--8;,i began to correct a little    
volume of my private writings4  ,god1 ,i
 believe1 remarkably helped me in it2 my
 strength was surprisingly  lengthened  
out1 my thoughts were quick and lively1 
and my soul  refreshed1 hoping it might 
be a work for ,god4 ,o how good1 how    
sweet it  is to labor for ,god6         
,sept4 #bb4--8,was again employed in    
reading and correcting1 and had the     
same success as the day before4 ,i was  

exceeding weak1 but it seemed to        
refresh my soul thus to spend time4     
,sept4 #bc4--8;,i finished my           
corrections of the little piece before  
mentioned1 and felt uncommonly peaceful2
 it seemed as if ,i had now done  all my
 work in this world1 and stood ready for
 my call to a better4 ,as  long as ,i   
see any thing to be done for ,god1 life 
is worth having2 but ,o  how vain and   
unworthy it is to live for any lower    
end6 ,this day ,i  indited a letter1 ,i 
think1 of great importance1 to the ,rev4
 ,mr4 ,byram1  in ,new-,jersey4 ,oh that
 ,god would bless and succeed that      
letter1 which  was written for the      
benefit of his church6,j ,oh that ,god  
would  #8purify the sons of ,levi1' that
 his glory may be advanced6 ,this night 
,i  endured a dreadful turn1 wherein my 
life was expected scarce an hour or     
minute4 ,but1 blessed be ,god1 ,i have  
enjoyed considerable sweetness in       
divine things this week1 both by night  
and day4    ,footnote ,j3      ,it was  

concerning the qualifications of        
ministers1 and the examination    and   
licensing of candidates for the work of 
the ministry4    ,sept4 #bd4--8,my      
strength began to fail exceedingly2     
which looked1  further1 as if ,i had    
done all my work3 however1 ,i had       
strength to fold  and superscribe my    
letter4 ,about two ,i went to bed1 being
 weak and much  disordered1 and lay in a
 burning fever till night1 without any  
proper  rest4 ,in the evening ,i got up1
 having lain down in some of my clothes2
  but was in the greatest distress1     
having an uncommon kind of hiccough2    
which either strangled me1 or threw me  
into a straining to vomit1  accompanied 
with other griping pains4 ,o the        
distress of this evening6 ,i  had little
 expectation of living the night        
through1 nor indeed had any  about me2  
and ,i longed for the finishing moment6 
,i was obliged to repair  to bed by six 
o'clock2 and through mercy enjoyed some 
rest2 but was  grievously distressed at 

turns with the hiccough4 ,my soul       
breathed after  ,god1 #8,when shall ,i  
come to ,god1 even to ,god1 my exceeding
 joy8' ,oh for  his blessed likeness6   
,sept4 #be4--8;,i was unspeakably weak1 
and little better than speechless  all  
the day2 however1 ,i was able to write a
 little1 and some part of the  day was  
comfortable4 ,o it refreshed my soul to 
think of former things1  of desires to  
glorify ,god1 of the pleasures of living
 to him6 ,o1 blessed  ,god1 ,i am       
speedily coming to thee1 ,i hope4       
,hasten the day1 ,o ,lord1 if it  be thy
 blessed will4 ,o come1 ,lord ,jesus1   
come quickly4 ,amen4,k    ,footnote ,k3 
,this was the last time that ever he    
wrote in his diary with his own    hand2
 though it is continued a little        
farther1 in a broken manner2    written 
by his brother ,israel1 but indited by  
his mouth1 in this his    weak and dying
 state4    ,sept4 #bf4--8;,i felt the   
sweetness of divine things this         
forenoon1 and  had the consolation of a 

consciousness that ,i was doing         
something for  ,god4    ,lord's day1    
,sept4 #bg4--8,this was a very          
comfortable day to my soul2 ,i  think1  
,i awoke with ,god4 ,i was enabled to   
lift up my soul to ,god1 early  this    
morning2 and while ,i had little bodily 
strength1 ,i found freedom to  lift up  
my heart to ,god for myself and others4 
,afterward1 was pleased  with the       
thoughts of speedily entering into the  
unseen world40    ,he felt this morning 
an unusual appetite for food1 with which
 his mind  seemed to be exhilarated1    
looking on it as a sign of the very near
  approach of death4 ,at this time he   
also said1 8,i was born on a            
,sabbath-day1 and ,i have reason to     
think ,i was new-born on a              
,sabbath-day2 and ,i hope ,i shall die  
on this ,sabbath-day4 ,i shall  look    
upon it as a favor1 if it may be the    
will of ,god that it should be  so3 ,i  
long for the time4 ,o1 why is his       
chariot so long in coming8 why  tarry   

the wheels of his chariot8 ,i am very   
willing to part with all3 ,i  am willing
 to part with my dear brother ,john1 and
 never to see him  again1 to go to be   
for ever with the ,lord4,l ,o1 when ,i  
go there1 how  will ,god's dear church  
on earth be upon my mind60    ,footnote 
,l3      ,he had1 before this1 expressed
 a desire1 if it might be the will of   
,god1 to live till his brother returned 
from ,new-,jersey3 who1 when he    went 
away1 intended1 if possible1 to perform 
his journey1 and return    in a         
fortnight2 hoping once more to meet his 
brother in the land of    the living4   
,the fortnight was now nearly expired4  
,afterward1 the same morning1 being     
asked how he did1 he answered1 8,i am   
almost in eternity2 ,i long to be there4
 ,my work is done2 ,i have done  with   
all my friends3 all the world is nothing
 to me4 ,i long to be in  heaven1       
praising and glorifying ,god with the   
holy angels4 ,all my desire  is to      
glorify ,god40    ,illustration3        

,president ,edwards' ,house1            
,northampton1 ,massachusetts4    ,during
 the whole of these last two weeks of   
his life1 he seemed to  continue in this
 frame of heart1 as having finished his 
work1 and done  with all things here    
below4 ,he had now nothing to do but to 
die1 and to  abide in an earnest desire 
and expectation of the happy moment1    
when his  soul should take its flight to
 a state of perfect holiness1 in which  
he  should be found perfectly glorifying
 and enjoying ,god4 ,he said1 8the      
consideration of the day of death1 and  
the day of judgment1 had a long  time   
been peculiarly sweet to him40 ,from    
time to time he spake of his  being     
willing to leave the body and the world 
immediately--that day1 that  night1 that
 moment--if it was the will of ,god4 ,he
 also was much engaged  in expressing   
his longings that the ,church of ,christ
 on earth might  flourish1 and ,christ's
 kingdom here be advanced1              
notwithstanding he was  about to leave  

the earth1 and should not with his eyes 
behold the  desirable event1 nor be     
instrumental in promoting it4 ,he said  
to me1 one  morning1 as ,i came into his
 room1 8,my thoughts have been employed 
on the  old dear theme1 the prosperity  
of ,god's church on earth4 ,as ,i waked 
out  of sleep1 ,i was led to cry for the
 pouring out of ,god's ,spirit1 and the 
advancement of ,christ's kingdom1 for   
which the ,redeemer did and suffered  so
 much4 ,it is that especially which     
makes me long for it40 ,he expressed    
much hope that a glorious advancement of
 ,christ's kingdom was near at  hand4   
,he once told me1 that 8he had formerly 
longed for the outpouring of the        
,spirit of ,god1 and the glorious times 
of the church1 and hoped they were      
coming2 and that he should have been    
willing to live to promote religion  at 
that time if that had been the will of  
,god3 but10 says he1 8,i am  willing it 
should be as it is2 ,i would not have   
the choice to make for  myself1 for ten 

thousand worlds40 ,he expressed on his  
death-bed a full  persuasion that he    
should in heaven see the prosperity of  
the church on  earth1 and should rejoice
 with ,christ therein2 and the          
consideration of  it seemed to be highly
 pleasing and satisfying to his mind4   
,he also still dwelt much on the great  
importance of the work of gospel        
ministers1 and expressed his longings   
that they might be filled with  the     
,spirit of ,god4 ,he manifested much    
desire to see some of the  neighboring  
ministers with whom he had some         
acquaintance1 and of whose  sincere     
friendship he was confident1 that he    
might converse freely with  them on that
 subject before he died4 ,and it so     
happened1 that he had  opportunity with 
some of them according to his desire4   
,another thing that lay much on his     
heart from time to time1 in these  near 
approaches of death1 was the spiritual  
prosperity of his own  congregation of  
,christian ,indians in ,new-,jersey2    

when he spake of them1  it was with     
peculiar tenderness1 so that his speech 
would be presently  interrupted and     
drowned with tears4    ,he also         
expressed much satisfaction in the      
disposal of ,providence with  regard to 
the circumstances of his death2         
particularly that ,god had  before his  
death given him an opportunity in       
,boston1 with so many  considerable     
persons1 ministers and others1 to give  
in his testimony for  ,god against false
 religion1 and many mistakes that lead  
to it and  promote it4 ,he was much     
pleased that he had had an opportunity  
there to  lay before pious and          
charitable gentlemen the state of the   
,indians1 and  their necessities1 to so 
good effect2 and that ,god had since    
enabled him  to write to them further   
concerning these affairs2 and to write  
other  letters of importance1 which he  
hoped might be of good influence with   
regard to the state of religion among   
the ,indians1 and elsewhere1 after  his 

death4 ,he expressed great thankfulness 
to ,god for his mercy in these  things4 
,he also mentioned it as what he        
accounted a merciful  circumstance of   
his death1 that he should die here4     
,speaking of these  things1 he said1    
8,god had granted him all his desire20  
and signified  that now he could        
joyfully leave the world4    ,sept4     
#bh4--8;,i was able to read and make    
some few corrections in my  private     
writings1 but found ,i could not write  
as ,i had done2 ,i found  myself        
sensibly declined in all respects4 ,it  
has been only from a little  while      
before noon till about one or two       
o'clock1 that ,i have been able  to do  
any thing for some time past2 yet it    
refreshed my heart that ,i  could do any
 thing1 either public or private1 that  
,i hoped was for ,god40    ,this evening
 he was supposed to be dying1 both by   
himself and by those  about him4 ,he    
seemed glad at the appearance of the    
near approach of  death4 ,he was almost 

speechless1 but his lips appeared to    
move1 and one  that sat very near him   
heard him utter such expressions as     
these3 8,come1  ,lord ,jesus1 come      
quickly4 ,o why is his chariot so long  
in coming80 ,after  he revived1 he      
blamed himself for having been too eager
 to be gone4 ,and  in expressing what   
was the frame of his mind at that time1 
he said he  then found an inexpressibly 
sweet love to those whom he looked upon 
as  belonging to ,christ1 beyond almost 
all that ever he felt before2 so that   
it seemed1 to use his own words1 8like a
 little piece of heaven to have  one of 
them near him40 ,and being asked whether
 he heard the prayer that  was1 at his  
desire1 made with him1 he said1 8,yes1  
he heard every word1  and had an        
uncommon sense of the things that were  
uttered in that  prayer1 and that every 
word reached his heart40    ,on the     
evening of ,tuesday ,sept4 #bi1 as he   
lay on his bed1 he seemed to  be in an  
extraordinary frame2 his mind greatly   

engaged in sweet  meditations concerning
 the prosperity of ,zion4 ,there being  
present here1  at that time1 two young  
gentlemen of his acquaintance1 who were 
candidates for the ministry1 he desired 
us all to unite in singing a  psalm on  
that subject1 even ,zion's prosperity4  
,and on his desire we sung  a part of   
the #ajb;d psalm4 ,this seemed much to  
refresh and revive him1  and gave him   
new strength2 so that though before1 he 
could scarcely  speak at all1 now he    
proceeded1 with some freedom of speech1 
to give his  dying counsels to these    
young gentlemen relative to their       
preparation  for the great work of the  
ministry2 and in particular1 earnestly  
recommended to them frequent secret     
fasting and prayer2 and enforced his    
counsel with regard to this1 from his   
own experience of the great  comfort and
 benefit of it2 8which10 said he1 8,i   
should not mention1 were  it not that ,i
 am a dying person40 ,after he had      
finished his counsel1 he  made a prayer 

in the audience of us all2 wherein1     
besides praying for  this family1 for   
his brethren1 and those candidates for  
the ministry1  and for his own          
congregation1 he earnestly prayed for   
the reviving and  flourishing of        
religion in the world4--,till now1 he   
had every day sat up  part of the day2  
but after this he never rose from his   
bed4    ,sept4 #cj4--8;,i was obliged to
 keep my bed the whole day1 through     
weakness4 ,however1 redeemed a little   
time1 and1 with the help of my  brother1
 read and corrected about a dozen pages 
in my manuscript1 giving  an account of 
my conversion4    ,oct4 #a4--8;,i       
endeavored again to do something by way 
of writing1 but  soon found my powers of
 body and mind utterly fail4 ,felt not  
so sweetly  as when ,i was able to do   
something which ,i hoped would do some  
good4 ,in  the evening1 was discomposed 
and wholly delirious2 but it was not    
long  before ,god was pleased to give me
 some sleep1 and fully compose my       

mind4,m ,o blessed be ,god for his great
 goodness to me1 since ,i was so  low at
 ,mr4 ,bloomfield's on ,thursday1 ,june 
#ah4 ,he has1 except those few  minutes1
 given me the clear exercise of my      
reason1 and enabled me to  labor much   
for him in things both of a public and  
private nature1 and  perhaps to do more 
good than ,i should have done if ,i had 
been well2  besides the comfortable     
influences of his blessed ,spirit1 with 
which he  has been pleased to refresh my
 soul4 ,may his name have all the glory 
for  ever and ever4 ,amen4    ,footnote 
,m3      ,from this time forward he had 
the free use of his reason till the day 
before his death2 except that at some   
times he appeared a little lost    for a
 moment when first waking out of sleep4 
,oct4 #b4--8,my soul was this day1 at   
turns1 sweetly set on ,god3 ,i longed   
to be with him1 that ,i might behold his
 glory4 ,i felt sweetly  disposed to    
commit all to him1 even my dearest      
friends1 my dearest  flock1 my absent   

brother1 and all my concerns for time   
and eternity4 ,o  that his kingdom might
 come in the world2 that they might all 
love and  glorify him for what he is in 
himself2 and that the blessed ,redeemer 
might #8see of the travail of his soul1 
and be satisfied6' ,o come1 ,lord       
,jesus1 come quickly6 ,amen40    ,here  
ends his diary4 ,these are the last     
words which are written in it1  either  
by his own hand1 or by any other from   
his mouth4    ,the next evening we very 
much expected his brother ,john from    
,new-,jersey2  it being about a week    
after the time that he proposed for his 
return1  when he went away4 ,though our 
expectations were still disappointed1   
yet  ,,brainerd seemed to continued     
unmoved1 in the same calm and peaceful  
frame which he had before manifested2 as
 having resigned all to ,god1 and       
having done with his friends1 and with  
all things here below4    ,on the       
morning of the next day1 being ,lord's  
day1 ,oct4 #d1 as my  daughter ,jerusha1

 who chiefly attended him1 came into the
 room1 he  looked on her very           
pleasantly1 and said1 8,dear ,jerusha1  
are you willing  to part with me80--8,i 
am quite willing to part with you3 ,i am
 willing to  part with all my friends3  
,i am willing to part with my dear      
brother  ,john1 although ,i love him the
 best of any creature living3 ,i have   
committed him and all my friends to     
,god1 and can leave them with ,god4     
,though1 if ,i thought ,i should not see
 you1 and be happy with you in  another 
world1 ,i could not bear to part with   
you4 ,but we shall spend an  happy      
eternity together60,n ,in the evening1  
as one came into the room  with a ,bible
 in her hand1 he expressed himself thus3
 8,o that dear  book--that lovely book6 
,i shall soon see it opened6 ,the       
mysteries that  are in it1 and the      
mysteries of ,god's providence1 will be 
all unfolded60    ,footnote ,n3      ,in
 about four months1 it pleased a holy   
and sovereign ,god to take away    this 

my dear child by death1 on the #adth of 
,february1 after a short    illness of  
five days1 in the eighteenth year of her
 age4 ,she was a    person of much the  
same spirit with ,,brainerd4 ,she had   
constantly taken    care of1 and        
attended him in his sickness1 for       
nineteen weeks before    his death2     
devoting herself to him with great      
delight1 because she    looked on him as
 an eminent servant of ,jesus ,christ4  
,in this time he    had much            
conversation with her on the things of  
religion2 and in his    dying state1    
often expressed to us1 her parents1 his 
great    satisfaction concerning her    
true piety1 and his confidence that he  
should meet her in heaven4 ,she had     
manifested a heart uncommonly    devoted
 to ,god2 and said on her death-bed1    
that 8she had seen no time    for       
several years1 when she desired to live 
one minute longer1 for the    sake of   
any other good in life1 but doing good1 
living to ,god1 and    doing what might 

be for his glory40    ,on ,tuesday1     
,oct4 #f1 he lay for a considerable time
 as if he were  dying2 at which time he 
was heard to utter1 in broken whispers1 
such  expressions as these3 8,he will   
come1 he will not tarry4 ,i shall soon  
be  in glory4 ,i shall soon glorify ,god
 with the angels40--,but after some time
  he revived4    ,the next day1         
,wednesday1 ,oct4 #g1 his brother ,john 
arrived from  ,new-,jersey2 where he had
 been detained much longer than he      
intended1 by  a mortal sickness         
prevailing among the christian ,indians1
 and by some  other circumstances that  
made his stay with them necessary4      
,,brainerd was  affected and refreshed  
with seeing him1 and appeared fully     
satisfied  with the reasons of his      
delay2 seeing the interest of religion  
and the  souls of his people required   
it4    ,the next day1 ,thursday1 ,oct4  
#h1 he was in great distress and agonies
  of body2 and for the greater part of  
the day was much disordered as to  the  

exercise of his reason4 ,in the evening 
he was composed1 and had the  use of his
 reason2 but the pain of his body       
continued and increased4 ,he  told me   
that it was impossible for any one to   
conceive of the distress  he felt in his
 breast4 ,he manifested much concern    
lest he should  dishonor ,god by        
impatience under his extreme agony2     
which was such1 that  he said the       
thought of enduring it one moment longer
 was almost  insupportable4 ,he desired 
that others would be much in lifting up 
their  hearts continually to ,god for   
him1 that ,god would support him1 and   
give  him patience4 ,he signified that  
he expected to die that night2 but      
seemed to fear a longer delay2 and the  
disposition of his mind with  regard to 
death1 appeared still the same that it  
had been all along4 ,and                
notwithstanding his bodily agonies1 yet 
the interest of ,zion lay still  with   
great weight on his mind4 ,on that      
evening he had considerable  discourse  

with the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,billing1 one of the
 neighboring ministers1  concerning the 
great importance of the work of the     
ministry4 ,afterward1  late in the      
night1 he had much very proper and      
profitable discourse with  his brother  
,john1 concerning his congregation in   
,new-,jersey1 and the  interest of      
religion among the ,indians4 ,in the    
latter part of the night  his bodily    
distress seemed to rise to a greater    
height than ever4 ,toward  day his eyes 
became fixed2 and he continued lying    
immovable till about  six o'clock on    
,friday1 ,oct4 #i1 #agdg1 when his soul1
 as we may well  conclude1 was received 
by his dear ,lord and ,master into that 
state of  perfection of holiness1 and   
fruition of ,god1 for which he had so   
often  and so ardently longed2 and was  
welcomed by the glorious assembly in the
  upper world1 as one peculiarly fitted 
to join them in their blessed  employ   
and enjoyment4    ,much respect was     
shown to his memory at his funeral2     

which was on the  ,monday following1    
after a sermon preached on that solemn  
occasion4 ,his  funeral was attended by 
eight of the neighboring ministers1 and 
a great  concourse of people4           
,,chapter ,x4                           
,reflections on the preceding ,memoirs4 
,,reflection ,i4    ,in the life of     
,,brainerd we may see1 as ,i apprehend1 
the nature of true  religion1 and the   
manner of its operation1 when           
exemplified in a high  degree and in    
powerful exercise4 ,particularly it may 
be worthy to be  observed3    #a4 ,how  
greatly ,,brainerd',s religion differed 
from that of some  pretenders to the    
experience of a clear work of saving    
conversion  wrought on their hearts2    
who1 depending and living on that1      
settle in a  cold1 careless1 and carnal 
frame of mind1 and in a neglect of a    
thorough1 earnest religion1 in the      
stated practice of it4 ,although his    
convictions and conversion were in all  
respects exceedingly clear1 and  very   

remarkable2 yet how far was he from     
acting as though he thought he  had got 
through his work1 when once he had      
obtained comfort1 and  satisfaction of  
his interest in ,christ and a title to  
heaven6 ,on the  contrary1 that work on 
his heart1 by which he was brought to   
this1 was  with him evidently but the   
beginning of his work2 his first        
entering  on the great business of      
religion1 and the service of ,god2 his  
first  setting out in his race4 ,his    
work was not finished1 nor his race     
ended1  till life was ended4    ,as his 
conversion was not the end of his work1 
or of the course of his  diligence and  
strivings in religion1 so neither was it
 the end of the  work of the ,spirit of 
,god on his heart4 ,on the contrary1 it 
was the  first dawning of the light1    
which thenceforth increased more and    
more2  the beginning of his holy        
affections1 his sorrow for sin1 his love
 to  ,god1 his rejoicing in ,jesus      
,christ1 his longing after holiness4    

,there  are many1 who1 after the effect 
of novelty is over1 soon find their     
situation and feelings very much the    
same as before their supposed           
conversion1 with respect to any present 
thirstings for ,god1 or ardent          
out-goings of their souls after divine  
objects4 ,now and then1 indeed1  they   
have a comfortable reflection on the    
past1 and are somewhat  affected with   
the remembrance1 and so rest easy1      
thinking that it is  safe2 and they     
doubt not but they shall go to heaven   
when they die4  ,far otherwise was it   
with ,,brainerd4 ,his experiences1      
instead of dying  away1 were evidently  
of an increasing nature4 ,his first     
love1 and other  holy affections1 even  
at the beginning1 were very great2 but1 
after the  lapse of months and years1   
became much greater and more remarkable4
    #b4 ,his religion apparently and    
greatly differed from that of many high 
pretenders to religion1 who are         
frequently actuated by vehement         

emotions of mind1 and are carried on in 
a course of sudden and strong           
impressions1 and supposed high          
illuminations and immediate             
discoveries2 and at the same time are   
persons of a virulent 8zeal1 not        
according to knowledge40 ,if we look    
through the whole series of his         
experience1 from his conversion to his  
death1 we shall find none of this       
kind--no imaginary sight of ,christ     
hanging on the cross with his blood     
streaming from his wounds2 or with a    
countenance smiling on him2 or arms     
open to embrace him3 no sight of the    
book of life opened1 with his name      
written in it2 no hearing ,god or       
,christ speaking to him2 nor any sudden 
suggestions of words or sentences1      
either of ,scripture or any other1 as   
then immediately spoken or sent to him2 
no new revelations2 no sudden  strong   
suggestions of secret facts4 ,nor do ,i 
find any one instance in  all the       
records which he has left of his own    

life1 from beginning to  end1 of joy    
excited from a supposed immediate       
witness of the ,spirit2  or inward      
immediate suggestion1 that his state was
 surely good4 ,but the  way in which he 
was satisfied of his own good estate1   
even to the entire  abolishing of fear1 
was by feeling within himself the lively
 actings of  a holy temper and heavenly 
disposition1 the vigorous exercises of  
that  divine 8love which casteth out    
fear40    #c4 ,,brainerd',s religion was
 not selfish and mercenary2 his love to 
,god was primarily and principally for  
the supreme excellency of his own       
nature1 and not built on a preconceived 
notion that ,god loved him1  had        
received him into favor1 and had done   
great things for him1 or  promised great
 things to him4 ,his joy was joy in     
,god1 and not in  himself4 ,we see by   
his diary how1 from time to time1       
through the  course of his life1 his    
soul was filled with ineffable sweetness
 and  comfort4 ,the affecting           

considerations and lively ideas of      
,god's  infinite glory1 his unchangeable
 blessedness1 his sovereignty and       
universal dominion2 together with the   
sweet exercises of love to ,god1  giving
 himself up to him1 abasing himself     
before him1 denying himself  for him1   
depending upon him1 acting for his      
glory1 diligently serving  him2 and the 
pleasing prospects or hopes he had of   
the future  advancement of the kingdom  
of ,christ1 were the grounds of his     
strong and  abiding consolation4    ,it 
appears plainly and abundantly all      
along1 from his conversion to his       
death1 that the sort of good which was  
the great object of the new  relish and 
appetite given him in conversion1 and   
thenceforward  maintained and increased 
in his heart1 was ,,holiness1 conformity
 to ,god1  living to ,god1 and          
glorifying him4 ,this was what drew his 
heart2 this  was the centre of his soul2
 this was the ocean to which all the    
streams  of his religious affections    

tended2 this was the object which       
engaged  his eager thirsting desires and
 earnest pursuits4 ,he knew no true     
excellency or happiness but this2 this  
was what he longed for most  vehemently 
and constantly on earth2 and this was   
with him the beauty  and blessedness of 
heaven4 ,this made him so much and so   
often long for  that world of glory4 ,it
 was to be perfectly holy1 and perfectly
  exercised in the holy employments of  
heaven2 and thus 8to glorify ,god  and  
enjoy him for ever40    ,his religious  
illuminations1 affections1 and comfort1 
seemed1 to a great  degree1 to be       
attended with evangelical humiliation2  
consisting in a  sense of his own utter 
insufficiency1 despicableness1 and      
odiousness2  with an answerable         
disposition and frame of heart4 ,how    
deeply affected  was he almost          
continually with his great defects in   
religion2 with his  vast distance from  
that spirituality and holy frame of mind
 that became  him2 with his ignorance1  

pride1 deadness1 unsteadiness1          
barrenness6 ,he  was not only affected  
with the remembrance of his former      
sinfulness  before his conversion1 but  
with the sense of his present vileness  
and  pollution4 ,he was not only        
disposed to think meanly of himself as  
before ,god1 and in comparison of him2  
but among men1 and as compared  with    
them4 ,he was apt to think other saints 
better than himself2 yea1 to  look on   
himself as the meanest and least of     
saints2 yea1 very often1 as  the vilest 
and worst of mankind4 ,and              
notwithstanding his great  attainments  
in spiritual knowledge1 yet we find     
there is scarcely any  thing1 with a    
sense of which he is more frequently    
affected and abased1  than his          
ignorance4    ,how eminently did he     
appear to be of a meek and quiet spirit1
  resembling the lamb-like1 dove-like   
spirit of ,jesus ,christ6 ,how full of  
love1 meekness1 quietness1 forgiveness1 
and mercy6 ,his love was not  merely a  

fondness and zeal for a party1 but an   
universal benevolence2  very often      
exercised in the most sensible and      
ardent love to his  greatest opposers   
and enemies4    ,of how soft and tender 
a spirit was he6 ,how far were his      
experiences1 hopes1 and joys1 from a    
tendency finally to stupify and  harden 
him1 to lessen convictions and          
tenderness of conscience1 to cause  him 
to be less affected with present and    
past sins1 and less  conscientious with 
respect to future sins6 ,how far were   
they from making  him more easy in      
neglect of duties which are troublesome 
and  inconvenient1 more slow and partial
 in complying with difficult  commands1 
less apt to be alarmed at the appearance
 of his own defects  and transgressions1
 more easily induced to a compliance    
with carnal  appetites6 ,on the         
contrary1 how tender was his conscience6
 how apt was  his heart to smite him6   
how easily and greatly was he alarmed at
 the  appearance of moral evil6 how     

great and constant was his jealousy over
  his own heart6 how strict his care and
 watchfulness against sin6 how  deep and
 sensible were the wounds that sin made 
in his conscience6 ,those  evils which  
are generally accounted small1 were     
almost an insupportable  burden to him2 
such as his inward deficiencies1 his    
having no more love  to ,god1 finding   
within himself any slackness or dullness
 in religion1  any unsteadiness or      
wandering frame of mind4 ,how did the   
consideration  of such things as these  
oppress and abase him1 and fill him with
 inward  shame and confusion6 ,his love 
and hope1 though they were such as cast 
out a servile fear of hell1 yet were    
attended with1 and abundantly  cherished
 and promoted a reverential filial fear 
of ,god1 a dread of sin  and of ,god's  
holy displeasure4 ,his joy seemed truly 
to be a rejoicing  with trembling4 ,his 
assurance and comfort differed greatly  
from a false  enthusiastic confidence   
and joy1 in that it promoted and        

maintained  mourning for sin4 ,he did   
not1 after he received comfort and full 
satisfaction of the safety of his state1
 forget his past sins1 whether          
committed before or after his           
conversion2 but the remembrance of them1
  from time to time1 revived in his     
heart with renewed grief4 ,that passage 
was evidently fulfilled in him1 8,that  
thou mayest remember1 and be            
confounded1 and never open thy mouth any
 more1 because of thy shame2  when ,i am
 pacified toward thee for all that thou 
hast done40 ,ezek4  #af3fc4    ,his     
religious affections and joys were not  
like those of some1 who have  rapture   
and mighty emotions from time to time in
 company2 but have  very little         
affection in retirement and secret      
places4 ,though he was  of a very       
sociable temper1 and loved the company  
of saints1 and  delighted very much in  
religious conversation1 and in social   
worship2  yet his warmest affections1   
and their greatest effects on his animal

  nature1 and his sweetest joys1 were in
 his closet devotions1 and  solitary    
transactions between ,god and his own   
soul3 as is very  observable through his
 whole course1 from his conversion to   
his death4  ,he delighted greatly in    
sacred retirements2 and loved to get    
quite away  from all the world1 to      
converse with ,god alone1 in secret     
duties4    ,,brainerd',s experiences and
 comforts were very far from being like 
those  of some persons1 which are       
attended with a spiritual satiety1 and  
which put an end to their religious     
desires and longings1 at least to  the  
edge and ardency of them2 resting       
satisfied in their own attainments  and 
comforts1 as having obtained their chief
 end1 which is to extinguish  their     
fears of hell1 and give them confidence 
of the favor of ,god4 ,on  the contrary1
 they were always attended with longings
 and thirstings  after greater degrees  
of conformity to ,god6 ,the greater and 
sweeter his  comforts were1 the more    

vehement were his desires after         
holiness4 ,his  longings were not so    
much after joyful discoveries of ,god's 
love1 and  clear views of his own title 
to future advancement and eternal honors
 in  heaven2 as after more of present   
holiness1 greater spirituality1 an      
heart more engaged for ,god1 to love1   
and exalt1 and depend on him4 ,he       
earnestly wished to serve ,god better1  
to do more for his glory1 to do  all    
that he did with more of a regard to    
,christ as his righteousness and        
strength1 and to behold the enlargement 
and advancement of his kingdom  on      
earth4 ,his desires were not idle       
wishes1 but such as were powerful  and  
effectual1 to animate him to the        
earnest1 eager pursuit of these  things1
 with the utmost diligence and          
unfainting labor and self-denial4  ,his 
comforts never put an end to his seeking
 after ,god1 and striving  to obtain his
 grace2 but1 on the contrary1 greatly   
engaged him therein4    #d4 ,his        

religion did not consist in experience  
without practice4 ,all  his inward      
illuminations1 affections1 and comforts1
 seemed to have a  direct tendency to   
practice1 and to issue in it3 and this1 
not merely a  practice negatively good1 
free from gross acts of irreligion and  
immorality2 but a practice positively   
holy and ,christian1 in a  serious1     
devout1 humble1 meek1 merciful1         
charitable1 and beneficent              
conversation2 making the service of ,god
 and our ,lord ,jesus ,christ the  great
 business of life1 to which he was      
devoted1 and which he pursued  with the 
greatest earnestness and diligence to   
the end of his days1  through all       
trials4 ,in him was to be seen the right
 way of being lively  in religion4 ,his 
liveliness in religion did not consist  
merely1 or  mainly1 in his being lively 
with the tongue1 but in deed2 not in    
being forward in profession and outward 
show1 and abundant in declaring  his own
 experiences2 but chiefly in being      

active and abundant in the  labors and  
duties of religion2 8not slothful in    
business1 but fervent in  spirit1       
serving the ,lord1 and serving his      
generation1 according to the  will of   
,god40                                  
,,reflection ,,ii4    ,the foregoing    
account of ,,brainerd',s life may       
convince us1 that there is  indeed such 
a thing as true experimental religion1  
arising from an  immediate divine       
influence1 supernaturally enlightening  
and convincing  the mind1 and powerfully
 impressing1 quickening1 sanctifying1   
and  governing the heart4    ,if any    
insist that ,,brainerd',s religion was  
mere enthusiasm1 the result  of a heated
 imagination1 ,i would ask1 ,what were  
the ,,fruits of his  enthusiasm8 ,in him
 we behold a great degree of honesty and
 simplicity2  sincere and earnest       
desires and endeavors to know and do    
whatever is  right1 and to avoid every  
thing that is wrong2 a high degree of   
love to  ,god2 delight in the           

perfections of his nature1 placing the  
happiness of  life in him1 not only in  
contemplating him1 but in being active  
in  pleasing and serving him2 a firm and
 undoubting belief in the ,messiah1  as 
the ,savior of the world1 the great     
,prophet of ,god1 and ,king of the      
church1 together with great love to him1
 delight and complacence in the  way of 
salvation by him1 and longing for the   
enlargement of his kingdom2  earnest    
desires that ,god may be glorified and  
the ,messiah's kingdom  advanced1       
whatever instruments are employed2      
uncommon resignation to the  will of    
,god1 and that under vast trials2 and   
great and universal  benevolence to     
mankind1 reaching all sorts of persons  
without  distinction1 manifested in     
sweetness of speech and behavior1 kind  
treatment1 mercy1 liberality1 and       
earnestly seeking the good of the  souls
 and bodies of men4 ,all this we behold 
attended with extraordinary  humility1  
meekness1 forgiveness of injuries1 and  

love to enemies4 ,in him  we see a      
modest1 discreet1 and decent deportment1
 among superiors1  inferiors1 and       
equals2 a most diligent improvement of  
time2 earnest care  to lose no part of  
it2 and great watchfulness against all  
sorts of sin1  of heart1 speech1 and    
action4 ,this example and these         
endeavors we see  attended with most    
happy fruits1 and blessed effects on    
others1 in  humanizing1 civilizing1 and 
wonderfully reforming and transforming  
some  of the most brutish savages2 idle1
 immoral drunkards1 murderers1 gross    
idolaters1 and wizards2 bringing them to
 permanent sobriety1 diligence1         
devotion1 honesty1 conscientiousness1   
and charity4 ,the foregoing virtues  and
 successful labors all end at last in a 
marvellous peace1 immovable  stability1 
calmness1 and resignation1 in the       
sensible approaches of  death2 with     
longing for the heavenly state2 not only
 for the honors and  circumstantial     
advantages of it1 but above all1 for the

 moral  perfection and holy and blessed 
employments of it4 ,these things are    
seen in a person indisputably of good   
understanding and judgment4 ,i          
therefore say1 if all these things are  
the fruits of enthusiasm1 why  should   
not enthusiasm be thought a desirable   
and excellent thing8 ,for  what can true
 religion1 what can the best philosophy1
 do more8                               
,,reflection ,,iii4    ,the preceding   
history serves to confirm the doctrines 
of grace4 ,for if  it be allowed that   
there is truth1 substance1 or value in  
the main of  ,,brainerd',s religion1 it 
will undoubtedly follow1 that those     
doctrines  are divine2 since it is      
evident that the whole of it1 from      
beginning to  end1 accords with them4   
,he was brought1 by doctrines of this   
kind1 to  his awakening and deep concern
 about things of a spiritual and eternal
  nature2 by these doctrines his        
convictions were maintained and carried 
on2 and his conversion was evidently    

altogether agreeable to them4 ,his      
conversion was no confirming and        
perfecting of moral principles and      
habits1 by use1 and practice1 and       
industrious discipline1 together with   
the concurring suggestions and          
conspiring aids of ,god's ,spirit2 but  
entirely a supernatural work1 at once   
turning him from darkness to  marvellous
 light1 and from the power of sin to the
 dominion of divine  and holy           
principles4 ,it was an effect1 in no    
respect produced by his  strength or    
labor1 or obtained by his virtue2 and   
not accomplished  till he was first     
brought to a full conviction1 that all  
his own virtue1  strength1 labors and   
endeavors1 could never avail any thing  
toward  producing or procuring this     
effect4    ,if ever ,,brainerd was truly
 turned from sin to ,god at all1 or ever
 became  truly religious1 none can      
reasonably doubt but that his conversion
 was  at the time when he supposed it to
 be4 ,the change which he then met      

with1 was evidently the greatest moral  
change that he ever experienced2  and he
 was then apparently first brought to   
that kind of religion1 that  remarkable 
new habit and temper of mind1 which he  
held all his life  after4 ,the narration
 shows it to be different1 in nature and
 kind1  from all of which he was ever   
the subject before4 ,it was evidently   
wrought at once without fitting and     
preparing his mind1 by gradually        
convincing it more and more of the same 
truths1 and bringing it nearer  and     
nearer to such a temper3 it was soon    
after his mind had been  remarkably full
 of blasphemy1 and a vehement exercise  
of sensible enmity  against ,god1 and   
great opposition to those truths which  
he was now  brought with his whole soul 
to embrace1 and rest in as divine and   
glorious2 truths1 in the contemplation  
and improvement of which he  placed his 
happiness4 ,he himself1 who was surely  
best able to judge1  declares1 that the 
dispositions and affections which were  

then given  him1 and thenceforward      
maintained in him1 were1 most sensibly  
and  certainly1 altogether different in 
their nature from all of which he  was  
ever the subject before1 or of which he 
ever had any conception4    ,hence it is
 very evident that ,,brainerd',s        
religion was the effect of the          
doctrines of grace applied to his heart3
 and certainly it cannot be  denied that
 the effect was good1 unless we turn    
atheists or deists4 ,i  would ask       
whether there be any such thing1 in     
reality1 as ,christian  devotion8 ,if   
there be1 what is it8 what is its       
nature8 and what its  just measure8     
,should it not be in a great degree8 ,we
 read abundantly  in ,scripture of      
8loving ,god with all the heart1 with   
all the soul1  with all the mind1 and   
with all the strength2 of delighting in 
,god1 of  rejoicing in the ,lord1       
rejoicing with joy unspeakable and full 
of  glory2 the soul magnifying the      
,lord1 thirsting for ,god1 hungering and

  thirsting after righteousness2 the    
soul breaking for the longing it hath   
to ,god's judgments1 praying to ,god    
with groanings that cannot be  uttered1 
mourning for sin with a broken heart and
 contrite spirit10 c4  ,how full are the
 ,psalms1 and other parts of ,scripture1
 of such things as  these6 ,now wherein 
do these things1 as expressed by and    
appearing in  ,,brainerd1 either the    
things themselves1 or their effects and 
fruits1  differ from the ,scripture     
representations8 ,to these things he was
  brought by that strange and wonderful 
transformation of the man1 which  he    
called his conversion4 ,does not this   
well agree with what is so  often said  
in the ,old ,testament and the ,new1    
concerning 8giving a new  heart creating
 a right spirit1 being renewed in the   
spirit of the mind1  being sanctified   
throughout1 becoming a new creature80   
,,reflection ,,iv4    ,is there not much
 in the preceding memoirs of ,,brainerd 
to teach1 and  excite to duty1 us who   

are called to the work of the ministry1 
and all  who are candidates for that    
great work8 ,what a deep sense did he   
seem  to have of the greatness and      
importance of that work1 and with what  
weight did it lie on his mind6 ,how     
sensible was he of his own              
insufficiency for this work2 and how    
great was his dependence on ,god's      
sufficiency6 ,how solicitous that he    
might be fitted for it6 and to this     
end1 how much time did he spend in      
prayer and fasting1 as well as  reading 
and meditation2 giving himself to these 
things6 ,how did he  dedicate his whole 
life1 all his powers and talents to     
,god2 and forsake  and renounce the     
world1 with all its pleasing and        
ensnaring enjoyments1  that he might be 
wholly at liberty to serve ,christ in   
this work1 and to  8please him who had  
chosen him to be a soldier under the    
,captain of our  salvation60 ,with what 
solicitude1 solemnity and diligence did 
he devote  himself to ,god our ,savior1 

and seek his presence and blessing in   
secret1  at the time of his ordination6 
and how did his whole heart appear to   
be constantly engaged1 his whole time   
employed1 and his whole strength  spent 
in the business he then solemnly        
undertook1 and to which he was  publicly
 set apart6 ,his history shows us the   
right way to success in  the work of the
 ministry4 ,he sought it1 as a resolute 
soldier seeks  victory in a siege or    
battle2 or as a man who runs a race1    
seeks a great  prize4 ,animated with    
love to ,christ and the souls of men1   
how did he  8labor always fervently10   
not only in word and doctrine1 in public
 and  private1 but in prayers day and   
night1 8wrestling with ,god0 in secret1 
and 8travailing in birth10 with         
unutterable groans and agonies1 8until  
,christ were formed0 in the hearts of   
the people to whom he was sent6 ,how    
did he thirst for a blessing on his     
ministry1 and 8watch for souls1 as  one 
that must give account60 ,how did he 8go

 forth in the strength of the  ,lord    
,god10 seeking and depending on a       
special influence of the ,spirit  to    
assist and succeed him6 ,what was the   
happy fruit at last1 though  after long 
waiting1 and many dark and discouraging 
appearances8 ,like a  true son of       
,jacob1 he persevered in wrestling1     
through all the darkness  of the night1 
until the breaking of the day4    ,to   
,missionaries in particular1 may his    
example of laboring1 praying1  denying  
himself1 and enduring hardness with     
unfainting resolution and  patience1 and
 his faithful1 vigilant1 and prudent    
conduct in many other  respects1 afford 
instruction4                            
,,reflection ,v4    ,the foregoing      
account of ,,brainerd',s life may afford
 instruction to  ,christians in general2
 as it shows1 in many respects1 the     
right way of  practising religion1 in   
order to obtain the ends1 and receive   
the  benefits of it2 or how ,christians 
should 8run the race set before  them10 

if they would not 8run in vain1 or run  
as uncertainly10 but would  honor ,god  
in the world1 adorn their profession1 be
 serviceable to  mankind1 have the      
comforts of religion while they live1 be
 free from  disquieting doubts and dark 
apprehensions about the state of their  
souls1 enjoy peace in the approaches of 
death1 and 8finish their course  with   
joy40 ,in general1 he much recommended1 
for this purpose1 the  redemption of    
time1 great diligence in the business of
 the ,christian  life1 watchfulness1 c4 
and he very remarkably exemplified these
  things4    ,particularly1 his example 
and success with regard to one duty1 in 
an  especial manner1 may be of great use
 to both ministers and private          
,christians2 ,i mean the duty of secret 
fasting4 ,the reader has seen how  much 
,,brainerd recommends this duty1 and how
 frequently he exercised  himself in it2
 nor can it well have escaped           
observation1 how much he was  owned and 
blessed in it1 and of what great benefit

 it evidently was to  his soul4 ,among  
all the many days he spent in secret    
fasting and prayer1  of which he gives  
an account in his diary1 there is       
scarcely an  instance of one which was  
not either attended or soon followed    
with  apparent success1 and a remarkable
 blessing1 in special influences and    
consolations of ,god's ,spirit2 and very
 often before the day was ended4  ,but  
it must be observed1 that when he set   
about this duty1 he did it in  good     
earnest2 8stirring up himself to take   
hold of ,god10 and 8continuing  instant 
in prayer10 with much of the spirit of  
,jacob1 who said to the  angel1 8,i will
 not let thee go1 except thou bless me40
                                        
,,reflection ,,vi4    ,there is much in 
the preceding account to excite and     
encourage ,god's  people to earnest     
prayers and endeavors for the           
advancement and  enlargement of the     
kingdom of ,christ in the world4        
,,brainerd set us an  excellent example 

in this respect4 ,he sought the         
prosperity of ,zion with  all his might2
 and preferred ,jerusalem above his     
chief joy4 ,how did his  soul long for  
it1 and pant after it6 how earnestly and
 often did he  wrestle with ,god for it6
 and how far did he in these desires and
 prayers  seem to be carried beyond all 
private and selfish views6 being        
animated  by a pure love to ,christ1 an 
earnest desire of his glory1 and a      
disinterested affection to the souls of 
mankind4    ,the consideration of this1 
not only ought to be an incitement to   
the  people of ,god1 but may also be a  
just encouragement to them1 to be  much 
in seeking and praying for a general    
outpouring of the ,spirit of  ,god1 and 
an extensive revival of religion4 ,i    
confess1 that ,god's giving  so much of 
a spirit of prayer for this mercy to so 
eminent a servant of  his1 and exciting 
him in so extraordinary a manner1 and   
with such  vehement thirstings of soul1 
to agonize in prayer for it1 from time  

to  time1 through the course of his     
life1 is one thing1 among others1 which 
gives me great hope that ,god has a     
design of accomplishing something  very 
glorious for the interest of his church 
before long4 ,one such  instance as     
this1 ,i conceive1 gives more           
encouragement than the common1  cold1   
formal prayers of thousands4 ,as        
,,brainerd',s desires and prayers for   
the coming of ,christ's kingdom were    
very special and extraordinary2  so ,i  
think we may reasonably hope1 that the  
,god who excited those  desires and     
prayers1 will answer them with something
 special and  extraordinary4 ,and in a  
particular manner do ,i think it worthy 
of  notice for our encouragement1 that  
he had his heart unusually drawn out  in
 longings and prayers for the           
flourishing of ,christ's kingdom on     
earth  when he was in the approaches of 
death2 and that with his dying breath   
he breathed out his departing soul into 
the bosom of his ,redeemer1 in  prayers 

and pantings after the glorious event2  
expiring in very great  hope that it    
would soon begin to be fulfilled4    ,i 
would not conclude these reflections    
without a grateful acknowledgment  of   
the mercy of ,god in the circumstances  
of ,,brainerd',s death1 and  especially 
the gracious dispensation of ,providence
 to me and my family1  in so ordering   
that he1 though the ordinary place of   
his abode was more  than two hundred    
miles distant1 should be brought to my  
house in his  last sickness1 and should 
die here4 ,thus we had opportunity for  
much  acquaintance and conversation with
 him1 to show him kindness in such      
circumstances1 to see his dying         
behavior1 to hear his dying  speeches1  
to receive his dying counsels1 and to   
have the benefit of  his dying prayers4 
,may ,god in infinite mercy grant1 that 
we may ever  retain a proper remembrance
 of these things1 and make a due        
improvement  of the advantages we have  
had in these respects6 ,the ,lord grant 

also1  that the foregoing account of    
,,brainerd',s life and death may be for 
the  great spiritual benefit of all who 
shall read it1 and prove a happy  means 
of promoting the revival of true        
religion6 ,amen4                        
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------        
,perpetuated by the ,donations of       
,messrs4 ,george ,douglass1 ,charles    
,starr                    and ,william  
,a4 ,hallock1 of ,new-,york4            
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------        
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------        
,transcriber's ,note    ,the frequent   
dated quotations from ,brainerd's       
diaries usually employ  opening         
double-quotation marks1 which are only  
sometimes closed before  continuing to  
the next dated entry4 ,the missing      
opening marks are  supplied unless the  
narrative is clearly not directly from  
the diaries4    ,punctuation 7commas and

 full-stops7 is restored where the text 
obviously  has an appropriate space4    
,other errors deemed most likely to be  
the printer's have been corrected1  and 
are noted here4 ,the references are to  
the page and line in the  original4 ,the
 following issues should be noted1 along
 with the  resolutions4      #f4b       
in bearing testimony against it4 _/1    
living   ,replaced4             and     
dying      #af4a     or means ,i had in 
view4                      ,added4      
#ai4e     by any of my performances1    
,eph4 #b3a1 #h4      ,restored4         
#bj4ba    ,all this time the ,spirit of 
,god             ,inserted4      #bd4h  
,i was brought to see myself            
,added4      #cb4ac    under date of    
,septemp_/ber #ad                       
,replaced4      #ch4ai    as ,i have had
 this evening4                  ,added4 
#ch4bi    8,your charms may gratify a   
,,sensual mind2     ,restored4          
#dc4a     spent most of the day in that 
duty1          ,restored4      #dd4h    

and find him a 8present help4'_/0       
,replaced4      #dg4e     ,my thoughts  
were much in eternity1                  
,restored4      #dg4g     ,rode home to 
_/-night with ,mr4 ,bellamy             
,restored4      #dh4bb    ,in the       
afternoon preached at ,bethlehem1       
,restored4      #dh4be    rejoice on    
this account1 to all eternity           
,restored4      #fj4e     ,march4 #ai4  
,removed4      #hh4g     with the ,rev4 
,mr4 ,sa_/ergeant4                      
,replaced4      #hh4bi    the hearts and
 consciences of the ,indians4           
,restored4      #ajh4cd   who commanded 
them to live by hunting1                
,restored4      #aah4a    ,dec4         
#g4--8,spent some time in prayer1       
,added4      #abe4cd   sent out his     
disciples two and two_/2                
,presumably4      #acd4bj   ,lord's day1
 ,june #bc4--8,preached                 
,inserted4      #acg4c    would maintain
 and promote it                         
,inserted4      #aej4bf   were filled   

with comfort at this season4            
,restored4      #aea4bc                 
,guttummauk_/halummeh                   
,replaced4      #aeb4cd   ',have mercy  
upon mebb_/2 have             ,restored4
      #aeg4bf   ,august4 #af4           
,removed4      #afj4aj   deep           
impressions of divine things4           
,restored4      #afb4cc   with real     
comfort and sweetness4                  
,restored4      #afd4bb   ,lord's day1  
,sept4 #a4--                            
,inserted4      #afg4b    ,sept4        
#ac48;,after                            
,inserted4      #aha4e    ,nov4         
#d4--8;,discoursed                      
,inserted4      #ahf4cd   and obliged to
 interpret verbatim4                    
,restored4      #bji4bb   ,jan4 #a1     
#agdf4--8,spent                         
,inserted4      #bag4a    ,feb4         
#a4--8,my schoolmaster                  
,inserted4      #bba4cd   ,feb4         
#ba4--8,preached                        
,inserted4      #bbb4ca   ,march1 #a'4  

,removed4      #bbc4g    ,lord's day1   
,march #b4--8,preached                  
,inserted4      #bbg4g    ,o do let me  
die10_/' c4                             
,replaced4      #bbg4cd   ,o strive1    
strive                                  
,inserted4      #bcf4ac   to the        
commands of the second table'           
,removed4      #bdj4bh   ,april         
#be4--8,set apart                       
,inserted4      #bgi4cd   to my latest  
moment4                                 
,restored4      #bhe4i    this day1 this
 blessed1 glorious season               
,inserted4      #cje4g    ,feb4         
#bh4--8,was visited                     
,inserted4      #cjf4cc   ,but #8having 
obtained help from him1' ,i yet         
,inserted4             live4            
#cdd4bh   as ,i apprehend1              
,added4