file which includes the original illustrations4 ,see #fciie-;h4htm or #fciie-;h4zip3 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/cache_/epu b_/#fciie_/pg#fciie-;images4html7 or 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/files_/#fc iie_/fciie-;h4zip7 ,images of the original pages are available through ,internet ,archive4 ,see https3_/_/archive4org_/details_/artofcon versatio#ja;bake ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,conversation ,twelve ,golden ,rules ,illustration3 ,decoration by ,,josephine ,,turck ,,baker ,author of ,correct ,english3 a ,complete ,grammar ,ten ,thousand ,words3 ,how ,to ,pronounce ,them and ,editor of the ,magazine ,correct ,english3 ,how ,to ,use ,it ,published by ,correct ,english ,publishing ,company ,evanston1 ,illinois ,copyright1 #aijg by ,josephine ,turck ,baker ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,conversation ,,twelve ,,golden ,,rules ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,i ,avoid unnecessary details4 ,he4--,do you know that what you say always interests me8 ,she4--,that is because we are such good comrades4 ,he4--,not altogether4 ,i think that it is because you never dwell upon details4 ,she4--,then1 one is interesting in conversation according as one omits details8 ,he4--,unnecessary details4 ,she4--,i remember that1 when visiting some friends whom ,i had not seen for several years1 my hostess said to me1 ,ever since your arrival1 ,i have been trying to discover why you are so interesting in conversation1 and ,i have decided that it is because you omit unnecessary details4 ,i felt that my hostess had paid me a high compliment4 ,he4--,yes2 but one that you deserve4 ,now1 even in telling this incident1 you were direct4 ,the bore would have side-tracked1 and would have told innumerable and irrelevant details4 ,i don't believe you could bore a person if you were to try4 ,she4--,i am quite sure that ,i could4 ,listen to this3 ,several years ago1--four years ago just1--this last ,june2 no1 it was only three years ago1 because ,i remember now that four years ago ,i did not attend the alumnae reunion of our college1 and so it must have been three years ago1--,i was the guest of one of the members of my class1--,i was attending the annual reunion of the alumnae of our college1--almost every year ,i attend the alumnae reunion of our college1--and on this occasion1 ,i was the guest of one of the members of my class4 ,she had not been attending the reunions1 and so ,i had not seen her for several years1--five years at least1 and---- ,he4--,pardon my interruption1 but you are a success4 ,she4--,as a bore8 ,he4--,no2 as an imitator4 ,i think that you should have been an actress4 ,she4--,yes2 ,i think that ,nature intended me for one2 and ,i could have acted4 ,indeed1 ,i usually find it difficult not to act2 that is1 ,i find it difficult to be myself4 ,he4--,like ,sensational ,tommy in ,tommy and ,grizel8 ,she4--,yes2 in a way4 ,he4--,and why were you not an actress8 ,was it because you did not know that you had talent8 ,she4--,from an opposite reason4 ,i had so many talents that1 like the woman in ,mother ,goose1 ,i hardly knew what to do4 ,he4--,that sounds modest4 ,you probably would have been a great actress4 ,she4--,i might not have been4 ,sometimes1 you know1 persons who are very gifted seem to miss the best that life has to offer4 ,he4--,i have decided that you are interesting1 not because you do not sidetrack1 but because you have such a stupendous amount of conceit4 ,you seem to be fully aware of what you possess4 ,it is delightful4 ,she4--,my talent or my conceit8 ,he4--,both4 ,she4--,i am sure that if any one else possessed my talents1 ,i should not hesitate to speak of them4 ,why should ,i not speak of mine8 ,he4--,that is one way to look at it4 ,now1 ,i suppose if ,i were to tell you that you were very gifted1 you would say1 ,thank you2 ,i think that ,i am1 too1--or words to that effect4 ,she4--,yes2 ,i think that ,i should respond in some such way4 ,why should ,i not8 ,why shouldn't ,i recognize my gifts and be thankful for them8 ,he4--,well1 usually1 you know1 when any one receives a compliment1 he is apt to regard it as flattery1 and to treat it accordingly2 or1 if he thinks the praise is merited1 his words are apt to belie his thoughts4 ,she4--,yes1 but that brooks of insincerity4 ,however1 we are a long way from our subject4 ,we were wondering why some persons bore and why some do not4 ,we decided that one must under no circumstances enter into too many details4 ,he4--,they are ruinous4 ,if a person is very polite1 he will feign an interest that he does not feel4 ,often1 however1 he betrays1 by an absent expression1 that the details have done their deadly work4 ,you always seem interested1 ,i notice1 even when the narrator has wandered from the main road into innumerable by-paths4 ,she4--,i appear interested1 because ,i am interested1 for ,i am continually on the alert to find out just how he is going to get back to the main road4 ,i find1 however1 that in the majority of cases1 he never gets back4 ,he is lost in such a labyrinth that1 as compared with it1 the ,garden of ,versailles and the maze of ,hampton ,court are as naught2 and just as these world-famed networks have a kind of attraction for the curious1 so ,i find it interesting to follow the bore as he goes from one intricate passage into another in his endeavor to find an exit4 ,but ,i must leave him to his fate1 or ,i1 too1 shall be lost in a maze and shall not be able to find the main path4 ,he4--,then1 ,golden ,rule ,number ,i is3 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,i shall try to remember the rule1 and profit by its significance4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,ii ,do not ask question number two until number one has been answered4 ,he4--,since our last visit1 ,i have been noticing the faults of my friends in conversation1 and ,i have concluded that the most glaring fault one can have is to ask questions and then not wait for the answers4 ,i have one friend in particular who1 whenever he meets me asks in the most solicitous way about my family1 my health1 etc41 and then before ,i have an opportunity to respond1 he proceeds to tell me about himself1 his family1 his ills1 and the like4 ,she4--,i know the species very well4 ,in fact1 ,i have classified my friends according to their respective merits as listeners4 ,he4--,and where have you placed me8 ,she4--,at the head of the list4 ,he4--,as the greatest offender8 ,she4--,no2 as the least4 ,you always wait until ,i answer one question before you ask another4 ,he4--,thank you4 ,do ,i ask many questions8 ,she4--,not too many4 ,you may have noticed that there are as many persons who ask too few questions as there are who ask too many4 ,he4--,i must say that ,i had never thought of that4 ,she4--,to ask many questions often indicates an undue amount of curiosity on the part of the questioner2 to ask too few1 a lack of interest4 ,the reason why some persons are so very prosaic and uninteresting is that they are entirely absorbed in themselves2 in consequence1 they ask few or no questions whatever1 showing that they are not in the least concerned in what interests their friends4 ,there is a happy mean where one shows neither curiosity nor disinterest4 ,he4--,in asking questions1 we are apt to stir up a hornet's nest1 so to speak1 for our friends sometimes respond at such length that we are inclined to wish that we had shown less interest4 ,she4--,that is where it is so necessary to remember the golden rule that we spoke of in our last conversation1 namely1 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,he4--,yes2 and as ,i have already told you1 that is why you are always interesting2 you never bore one with a long story4 ,she4--,i usually try to treat all my friends as carefully as if each one bore a tag marked1 ,,this ,,is ,,my ,,busy ,,day2 ,,make ,,it ,,short4 ,he4--,yes2 or1 ,,if ,,you ,,have ,,any ,,time ,,to ,,kill1 ,,kill ,,your ,,own4 ,at what a rapid pace we live1 anyway4 ,people in the country--the peasant class--are never in a hurry4 ,they talk slowly1 eat slowly1 and work at the same laggard pace4 ,she4--,in other words1 they exist1 but do not live4 ,they do not enjoy what we enjoy4 ,a daily feast is spread before them1 but they do not partake of it4 ,what do they know of glowing sunsets and of moonlit waves2 of shaded walks through pathless woods2 of narrow streams in-walled with trees8 ,the sunset tells the peasant only of what the weather will bring to his crops2 the stretch of velvet through which the streamlet winds1 of green pastures for his flocks4 ,but ,i have gotten away from my subject4 ,in other words1 like the bore1 ,i have side-tracked4 ,he4--,only what you say does not bore4 ,she4--,you mean1 not you4 ,he4--,nor any one else4 ,she4--,thank you4 ,he4--,i should thank you1 instead4 ,now1 ,i am to remember1 first1 that ,golden ,rule ,number ,i is43 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,rule ,number ,,ii43 ,,do ,,not ,,ask ,,question ,,number ,,two ,,until ,,question ,,number ,,one ,,has ,,been ,,answered2 and1 furthermore1 one must be neither too curious nor too disinterested2 that is1 one must not ask too few nor too many questions2 just enough4 ,i fear that ,i shall find it difficult to observe this rule1 but ,i shall try to acquire the tact that is necessary for one to have4 ,may ,i practice the art when with you8 ,she4--,that will be charming1 and you may begin at once4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,iii ,do not interrupt another while he is speaking4 ,he4--,so we agree that the greatest fault that a person can have is to ask questions1 and then1 without waiting for the answers1 to plunge at once into a detailed account of his own doings4 ,i have discovered another fault1 and one1 ,i fear1 that ,i1 too1 possess2 that is1 to ask questions concerning the welfare of my friend and of his family1 and then after he has gotten fairly under way in the recital of his woes1 to interrupt him with irrelevant remarks4 ,she4--,i am sure that you haven't this fault1 although it is very common4 ,it is based upon the principle that people1 as a rule1 are vitally concerned only in what concerns themselves4 ,i have a friend who maintains that no one really enjoys listening to what another has to say4 ,he says that the interested 787 listener is interested only in having the other person finish in order that he may have the opportunity to tell his story4 ,he4--,i note1 however1 that1 as a rule1 people recite their woes1 and not their weals4 ,but1 of course1 that depends upon the individual4 ,some persons always have a hard luck story2 others1 dwell upon the bright happenings in their lives4 ,she4--,i think we each can recall some friend whose greatest pleasure is to pose as a martyr2 another1 who1 no matter what are his ills1 has always something of interest to impart pertaining to some good fortune1 fancied or otherwise1 which has befallen him4 ,he4--,speaking of our faults1 ,i think that the best way to correct them is to notice them in our friends1 and then to try to avoid them4 ,but1 of course1 you haven't any4 ,she4--,any friends8 ,he4--,any faults1 of course4 ,she4--,i fear that you are not a good critic4 ,he4--,i may not be2 but you certainly have none of the bad habits that we have enumerated4 ,she4--,oh6 you couldn't see them if ,i had4 ,he4--,from sheer stupidity8 ,she4--,hardly2 only as far as ,i am concerned1 you have become accustomed to think of me as did ,dick of ,maisie1 in ,the ,light that ,failed that ,the ,queen can do no wrong4 ,he4--,that reminds me--,i have just finished reading ,the ,light that ,failed1 and ,i am sure that ,i shall never get away from the awfulness of it--the awfulness of having the light go out forever4 ,she4--,kipling makes one see it all so vividly1 where he says3 ',i shan't4' ,the voice rose in a wail1 ',my ,god6 ,i'm blind1 and the darkness will never go away4' ,he made as if to leap from the bed1 but ,torpenhow's arms were around him1 and ,torpenhow's chin was on his shoulder1 and his breath was squeezed out of him4 ,he could only gasp1 ',blind6' ,he4--,and again1 the picture that ,kipling draws of the blind man who suddenly finds himself unable to do that which he has been accustomed to do4 ,i have the book with me3 ,a wise man 7who is blind7 will keep his eyes on the floor and sit still4 ,for amusement he may pick coal1 lump by lump1 out of a light scuttle1 with the tongs1 and pile it in a little heap by the fender1 keeping count of the lumps1 which must all be put back again1 one by one1 and very carefully4 ,he may set himself sums if he cares to work them out2 he may talk to himself1 or to the cat if she chooses to visit him2 and if his trade has been that of an artist he may sketch in the air with his forefinger3 but that is too much like drawing a pig with his eyes shut4 ,he may go to his bookshelves and count his books1 ranging them in order of their size2 or to his wardrobe and count out his shirts1 laying them in piles of two or three on the bed1 as they suffer from frayed cuffs or lost buttons4 ,even this entertainment wearies after a time2 and all the times are very1 very long4 ,i suppose that this portrayal is true to life4 ,she4--,undoubtedly1 in a way2 but ,i had a novel experience when traveling ,east this summer4 ,while on the train1 ,i saw a gentleman1 who was trying to interest a little boy1 who did not respond to his advances4 ,i heard him ask the child whether he was a little boy1 and how old he was4 ,i saw then that the gentleman was blind1 and thinking that he might prefer to talk with me1 ,i introduced myself to him and found him a most delightful conversationalist4 ,he told me that he had become blind very suddenly five years ago1 but that his work had not been interrupted for a day since4 ,his position as manager of a large corporation necessitated his frequent journeying in railroad trains1 but he had continued to travel as before1 sometimes with his secretary1 and sometimes alone4 ,he was alone when ,i met him4 ,he was certainly delightfully cheerful and entertaining2 and withal1 he was fully informed on current topics of interest4 ,it seemed almost impossible to realize that he was blind4 ,he4--,his case is extraordinary2 but1 of course1 he was not an artist1 as was poor ,dick1 before the light went out4 ,i have just discovered another reason why you are so very interesting4 ,it is because you always have some novel experience to recount4 ,she4--,yes2 but you know1 we decided that people did not care1 as a rule1 to hear others talk4 ,he4--,well1 ,i shall retract my decision4 ,i have concluded that we usually like to hear others talk1 if they have something interesting to tell4 ,she4--,yes2 we are all children1 in a sense4 ,tell us a story1 and we will listen1 provided the story-teller knows how to tell it4 ,he4--,do you know what ,i have been thinking of while you were telling me this incident8 ,she4--,that we had gotten a long way from our original subject8 ,he4--,no2 ,i was thinking of how much you had said in comparatively few words1 and that in telling this incident1 you had certainly conformed to ,golden ,rule ,number ,i43 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,she4--,and you have conformed to both the rules that we have learned4 ,he4--,thank you4 ,let me see1 ,golden ,rule ,number ,i4 is3 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,rule ,number ,,ii43 ,,not ,,to ,,ask ,,question ,,number ,,two ,,until ,,question ,,number ,,one ,,has ,,been ,,answered1 nor be too curious nor too disinterested2 that is1 do not ask too few nor too many questions2 just enough4 ,she4--,and our new rule1 ,golden ,rule ,number ,,iii43 ,,do ,,not ,,interrupt ,,another ,,while ,,he ,,is ,,speaking4 ,he4--,how frequently this rule is broken6 ,many persons1 who ordinarily are well bred1 have the very bad habit of interrupting others4 ,but ,i deserve no credit for observing ,golden ,rule ,number ,,iii41 for you are never tiresome2 you never tell a long story4 ,she4--,no2 ,i don't do that4 ,i knew a gentleman once who used to say with a groan1 to his niece1 who was rather verbose1 ,o ,alma6 ,you tell such a long story4 ,make it short2 and so ,i always try to make my story short4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,iv ,do not contradict another1 especially when the subject under discussion is of trivial importance4 ,he4--,we always seem to drift back to our favorite topic1 ,how not to bore4 ,at least1 we discuss it so frequently1 that ,i assume we are mutually interested4 ,she4--,i assure you that ,i am very much interested in everything that assists me in making myself more pleasing to my friends4 ,he4--,if you would not regard my compliments so dubiously1 ,i should say that that would be impossible4 ,she4--,another case of the infallibility of the queen8 ,but to go back to our subject1 ,i often wonder whether this pleasure that we take in receiving the approval of others1 is not virtually the root of all good4 ,it is certainly most fortunate that we do care for the good opinion of our fellow-beings1 and especially where we strive to merit it4 ,somehow1 we never seem to outgrow our childish love for rewards4 ,i suppose that if the truth were told1 much that we think we do for the sake of culture1 is really done for the sake of ,dame ,grundy4 ,of course1 ,i do not mean as applied to vain self-glorification1 but rather to our higher aims and purposes4 ,most of us1 for example1 think that we make great efforts along the lines of self-improvement for the soul-satisfaction that our efforts may give us2 but ,i wonder how steadfastly one would work--each at his chosen calling--if one were on a desert island1 remote from all the haunts of men4 ,but to return to our subject1 you say that your latest discovery is that even grown persons contradict one another4 ,i thought that only children had this fault4 ,he4--,so did ,i2 but my attention was called to this a few days since when visiting my sister4 ,while she was telling me something of great interest to us both1 her little daughter contradicted her several times in the course of our conversation4 ,partly because ,i was annoyed1 and partly because ,i wished to teach the child a lesson1 ,i said to my sister1 ,have you ever noticed how frequently children contradict their elders8 ,it is certainly one of the greatest faults that a child can have4 ,yes1 she answered1 but many grown persons have the same fault4 ,and when ,i expressed surprise1 she added1 ,if you are inclined to doubt the truth of this assertion1 just try to tell something in the hearing of others who are familiar with the story1 and you will soon discern that the fault is not confined to children4 ,and then ,i discovered this fault not only in others1 but also in myself4 ,she4--,oh1 dear6 maybe ,i1 too1 am guilty of the same offence4 ,he4--,i am sure that you never contradict any one in the way that ,i mean4 ,it is certainly very embarrassing to make a statement1 and then to have it contradicted1 even though the matter is of little consequence4 ,she4--,how many rules have we learned so far8 ,he4--,golden ,rule ,number ,i4 is3 ,,avoid ,,unnecessary ,,details4 ,rule ,number ,,ii43 ,,do ,,not ,,ask ,,question ,,number ,,two ,,until ,,number ,,one ,,has ,,been ,,answered2 ,,do ,,not ,,be ,,too ,,curious ,,nor ,,too ,,disinterested2 that is1 do not ask too many questions nor too few2 just enough4 ,rule ,number ,,iii43 ,,do ,,not ,,interrupt ,,another ,,while ,,he ,,is ,,speaking4 ,she4--,and our new rule1 ,golden ,rule ,number ,,iv43 ,,do ,,not ,,contradict ,,another1 ,,especially ,,when ,,the ,,subject ,,under ,,discussion ,,is ,,one ,,of ,,trivial ,,importance4 ,he4--,so1 if ,mrs4 ,van ,stretcher tells us that ,mrs4 ,de ,waters has crossed the ocean a dozen times in as many years1 we are not to say1 ,pardon us1 only six1 as she goes abroad only once in two years1 which makes just--,oh1 yes6 just twelve times4 ,she4--,yes1 the person who contradicts1 frequently restates the matter merely in another way4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,v ,do not do all the talking2 give your tired listener a chance4 ,he4--,you haven't asked me about my golden discovery4 ,she4--,oh1 dear6 is there still another rule to learn8 ,you know1 we have already had four4 ,he4--,no2 this isn't a rule4 ,i have about come to the conclusion that people are charming in proportion as they can rise above the commonplace4 ,of course they must observe all our golden rules1 but this observance alone will not make them interesting in conversation4 ,last night1 for example1 ,i never was so greatly bored as when talking with a young lady to whom ,i had been recently introduced4 ,she was so well bred that she observed all the golden rules from ,a to ,z1 and yet she was tiresome beyond endurance1 simply because she hadn't a soul4 ,she was a ,philistine of the deepest dye4 ,i must say that ,i am so conventional1 in a way1 that ,i eschew ,bohemianism1 but an out-and-out ,philistine1--give me a ,bohemian every time4 ,she4--,then1 ,i suppose that ,golden ,rule ,number ,v4 would be3 ,,acquire ,a ,,soul1--,,and ,,assume ,,one ,,if ,,you ,,have ,,it ,,not4 ,he4--,i suppose it is innate--one's soul1 which to me stands for one's love of the beautiful--for the ideal4 ,you see1 whatever you speak about1 you lift out of the commonplace4 ,life seems quite worth the while1 when ,i am with you4 ,all the inspiring things--books1 music1 painting--take on a new meaning when we talk about them4 ,last evening my newly-made acquaintance and ,i discussed these subjects1 but they did not interest me4 ,julia ,marlowe1 whom she had just seen1 was merely a pretty woman who dressed perfectly2 the latest book was something that bored1 but that had to be read because everybody else was reading it4 ,music was an unknown quantity4 ,what shall we do with ,philistines like this8 ,she4--,leave them to their idols4 ,they will not be alone1 for there are many to keep them company4 ,the trouble with many persons is that they do not cultivate an admiration for the beautiful--beautiful pictures1 exquisite music1 delightful books4 ,they live in a world of materialism4 ,handsome houses1 exquisite paintings1 well-filled libraries are to them mere possessions--valuable because they are the embodied insignia of wealth4 ,the person of high ideals delights in the beautiful1 because it brings him into harmony with that perfection for which he strives4 ,in a beautiful painting1 he sees the reaching out of the artist to produce not what is1 but what should be2 in a great literary production1 the master intellect that can mold words as wax in the hands of an artisan2 in beautiful music1 the soul of the composer who can make one feel all that he has felt when under the magic sway of harmony2 and1 so1 beautiful things are loved1 not alone for themselves1 but for what they represent2 for nothing beautiful has ever existed without its master creator--the power behind the throne--where the monarch beauty is at the beck and call of that giant--intellect4 ,he4--,then1 if we are to belong to the class who love the beautiful or what it represents1 we are to cultivate our souls--that part of us which brings us en rapport with the divine in the universe4 ,we are not to be sordid2 we must not wish simply to possess--we must cultivate a love for the ideal--for what the beautiful represents4 ,she4--,yes2 and this can be done4 ,in our modern schools1 the best in literature1 in art1 in music1 is brought to the children4 ,the child of to-day learns of ,mozart1 of ,handel1 of ,wagner1 and hears their music4 ,he sees representations of great masterpieces of art1 and learns to love the beautiful ,madonnas of ,raphael--to know the paintings of ,rosa ,bonheur--of ,jean ,francois ,millet4 ,this education can not fail to instill in children a love for the beautiful4 ,to them the world takes on a roseate tinge1 while their minds eventually become store-houses in which are garnered the treasured thoughts of the ages4 ,nothing in every-day life can be wholly commonplace2 each peculiar incident in life1 each peculiar mood of nature brings its accompanying suggestion4 ,he4--,do you know1 you are saying what ,i should like to say1 but what ,i cannot find words to express4 ,possibly1 that is one reason why ,i enjoy your society more than that of all others--because you say the things that ,i would say1 if ,i could but express my thoughts4 ,it is for this reason that we admire an author1 because he puts into words what we think2 what we feel4 ,she4--,i think we should add ,golden ,rule ,number ,v4 to our list1 namely1 ,,do ,,not ,,do ,,all ,,the ,,talking2 ,,give ,,your ,,tired ,,listener ,,an ,,opportunity ,,to ,,speak4 ,he4--,i am sure that ,i would rather listen than talk when you are with me4 ,she4--,i am half inclined to believe you1 for you are certainly perfect--as a listener4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,vi ,be not continually the hero of your own story2 and1 on the other hand1 do not leave your story without a hero4 ,he4--,ships that pass in the night1 and speak each other in passing1 ,only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness2 ,so on the ocean of life1 we pass and speak one another1 ,only a look and a voice1 then darkness again and a silence4 ,she4--,and what recalled the poem8 ,he4--,i was thinking of the people whom we meet1 and who speak us in the passing4 ,people whom we may never meet again1 but whom we never can forget4 ,she4--,that intangible something which makes us wish to become more closely associated with our newly-made acquaintance1--what is it8 ,it is indefinable4 ,we meet some one at the theater1 at the club1 at the social function1 and there lingers with us for many days1 the remembrance of the few brief moments in which we felt that we were as twin spirits moving musically to a lute's well ordered law4 ,strange as it may seem1 we live in a world of people1--people to the right of us1 people to the left of us1 everywhere about us1 and only here and there a kindred spirit in whose moral and mental atmosphere we bask as in the rays of sunshine4 ,this something that makes us feel that only the element of time is needed to make of our newly-formed acquaintance a friend that shall last through life1--what is it8 ,a warm hand clasp1 a friendly word1 and in one brief moment that mysterious something that clouds the soul1 is thrown aside1 and in our sky a new star appears as fixed as ,polaris in the heavens4 ,when we have an experience of this kind1 although we may have interchanged but few words with our new friend1 we feel intuitively that we could spend many hours together and that we should never tire of exchanging ideas4 ,he4--,yes2 but does this not presuppose a mind stored with those treasured thoughts about which we were speaking in our last conversation8 ,she4--,possibly1 in a sense2 but first of all1 it presupposes harmony of taste1 of feeling1 of ideas4 ,this does not mean1 of course1 that each shall agree with the other in all essentials1 but that each shall have the same broad and intelligent way of looking at a subject1 and a consideration each for the other's opinions4 ,he4--,i think1 though1 that as a basis for harmonious intercourse1 there must be an elimination of self4 ,no one who is thoroughly selfish can interest any one but himself4 ,it seems to me that the ideal relation between friends presupposes an entire elimination of self4 ,she4--,not necessarily so4 ,one of the most tiresome persons that ,i know1 is a gentleman who never refers to himself1 to his aspirations1 or to his plans2 and for this reason1 he fails entirely to awaken in his listener any interest in his personality whatsoever4 ,he is the antipode of the person who talks only of what interests him4 ,the person who uses discretion will not avoid all reference to himself1 nor will he continually make himself the hero of his own story4 ,it behooves us all to examine ourselves1 and if we have either one of these faults to rid ourselves of it at once4 ,in directing the trend of conversation1 the tactful person will choose topics of mutual interest4 ,people are interesting not in proportion as they recount their personal experiences1 but as they evince a broad1 general interest in what concerns others4 ,he4--,we might add another golden rule to our list1--,golden ,rule ,number ,,vi3 ,,be ,,not ,,continually ,,the ,,hero ,,of ,,your ,,own ,,story1 ,,nor ,,on ,,the ,,other ,,hand1 ,,do ,,not ,,leave ,,your ,,story ,,without ,a ,,hero4 ,in other words1 it is fatal to one's success as a conversationalist either to eliminate oneself entirely or to appear self-centered4 ,she4--,you might say to be self-centered4 ,selfishness is one of the most disagreeable traits that a person can have1 and he who has this to a marked degree should try to eradicate it4 ,some one has said1 ,if we had to count our ills1 we would not choose suspense1 we might add1 ,if we had to choose our faults we should not choose selfishness4 ,a person may observe all the golden rules that we have enumerated1 but if he is at heart a selfish person1 his conversation will lack the charm that emanates from the whole-souled individual whose first thought is to interest and entertain others4 ,let us cultivate an unselfish spirit1 for without this1 our words will be but as sounding brass and tinkling cymbals4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,vii ,choose subject of mutual interest4 ,he4--,and here we are again at one of your charming at homes1 and ,i1 as usual1 am the only guest4 ,it is delightful of you to select for my visits those evenings where there is no possibility of our being interrupted while discussing our favorite topic4 ,she4--,if ,i were not at home on these occasions1 we should have very little opportunity to talk about the subjects in which we are mutually interested4 ,it is decidedly paradoxical1 is it not1 to be at home under the circumstances8 ,he4--,it is1 to say the least1 decidedly pleasant2 for1 otherwise1 how should you be able to teach me that delightful art--the ,art of ,conversation8 ,i am just selfish enough to exult in my being the only diplomat at your salons4 ,she4--,what is that line about conversation's being like an orchestra where all the instruments should bear a part1 but where none should play together8 ,he4--,to my thinking1 conversation is most delightful when it is most unlike an orchestra4 ,for my part1 ,i prefer those charming duos where the sweet voice of the soprano rises far above the organ's swell4 ,she4--,conversation is more often like an orchestra where all the instruments play together1 and where no particular one can be heard4 ,i see that a conversation in which many take part is not to your liking4 ,he4--,as in music1 so with my friends1 ,i prefer to follow the individual2 to come into harmony with his thoughts and feelings4 ,the trite saying that corporations have no souls can be applied with equal propriety to a body of individuals at a social function1 where the bored look on their faces shows that they have failed to find a subject of general interest1 and are in consequence suffering in durance vile4 ,she4--,conversation is enjoyable only when the participants are equally interested in the subject under discussion2 and while it is not difficult for two persons to find topics of mutual interest1 it is not so easy for several individuals to hit upon some topic in which all are equally interested2 consequently1 there is much greater opportunity for enjoyment in social converse where only two are gathered together4 ,he4--,yes1 ,i know2 no matter how apparently dry a subject is to me1 it might be of keen interest to some one else4 ,she4--,certainly4 ,only a few evenings since1 ,i noticed1 at a social function1 a lady and gentleman deeply engaged for a long time1 in the discussion of some topic in which each was apparently vitally interested4 ,i learned afterwards that the gentleman was the editor-in-chief of a new dictionary recently compiled1 and that the lady was the teacher of ,english in a college4 ,they were discussing the relative merits of the diacritical markings of the ,century1 ,standard1 and ,international dictionaries compared with those of old ,webster4 ,he4--,i should call that an extremely dry subject4 ,she4--,oh6 they found it fascinating4 ,they really became excited--not impolitely so--but deeply absorbed in following each other through the maze of half circles and dots1 straight lines and curved4 ,he4--,that is why people whom we meet--polite and kindly people--try to draw us out1 to find what we are interested in1 so as not to hinge the conversation on politics when it should be on potatoes or on poetry4 ,she4--,the whole secret of pleasant social converse lies in the participants' finding subjects of mutual interest4 ,why1 ,i have heard two persons discuss by the hour the feasibility of raising ducks as a means of livelihood2 others1 that of manufacturing a washing-machine that would wash and boil clothing at the same time4 ,so you see1 it doesn't matter whether the topic is politics or poetry2 the latest work in science or in fiction2 whether it is music or painting2 the main point is that the subject shall be of mutual interest to those discussing it4 ,he4--,then we may add another rule to our list--,golden ,rule ,number ,,vii43 ,,choose ,,subjects ,,of ,,mutual ,,interest4 ,don't discuss politics when you should be talking about poetry2 fact1 instead of fiction2 science1 instead of sunsets4 ,she4--,yes2 and be sure that both are equally interested or else one or the other will have that bored look to which you referred a short time since4 ,he4--,people sometimes appear interested when they are not4 ,she4--,yes2 but the keen observer will detect whether the smile extends farther than the parted lips4 ,if people would be genuine1 and less artificial1 after a pleasant evening spent in social converse1 there would linger with one a memory as pleasing and as refreshing as is the sweet fragrance wafted from country clover fields to the traveler on the dusty road4 ,in our social intercourse with one another let us omit all unpleasant topics1 and choose only those in which both are equally interested4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,viii ,be a good listener4 ,he4--,and here we are again in your bower--your bower of roses and carnations4 ,it is always summer here1 for there are always flowers4 ,you wear them1 too1 as another would wear her jewels4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,woman ,,with ,,the ,,rose ,she went by dale1 and she went by down1 ,with a single rose in her hair4 ,she4--,this is as ,i like my flowers--around me and about me4 ,conservatories have no charm for me1 for one cannot live in a conservatory4 ,i like my roses1 where1 as ,i sit and write1 ,i can inhale their fragrance1 and see their wondrous beauty4 ,what is more beautiful than a rose8 ,he4--,wouldn't ,the ,woman with the ,rose make a nice title for a poem8 ,she4--,you are really lacking in originality4 ,you never would have thought of it in the world if ,the ,man with the ,hoe had not suggested it4 ,he4--,oh6 ,i agree with you that ,i am not original1 and that the title was suggested2 but not1 as you think1 by ,the ,man with the ,hoe4 ,she4--,aren't we wasting valuable time8 ,you know we were going to discuss ,golden ,rule ,number ,,viii41 and we haven't even decided what it shall be4 ,he4--,be a good listener6 ,wasn't it ,addison who said that the most skillful flattery was to let a person talk on1 and be a good listener8 ,but somehow1 this has such a ring of insincerity4 ,now1 ,i am sure that ,i should not wish to be beguiled into thinking that ,i was entertaining my friend when1 in reality1 ,i was boring him4 ,she4--,yes2 but a person who observes all our golden rules will not talk on4 ,you know1 there are few persons who can talk on1 and not bore their listeners4 ,of course1 if people were tactful and would observe ,golden ,rule ,number ,,vii4--,,choose ,,topics ,,in ,,which ,,all ,,are ,,interested--it would not be necessary for the listener to feign an interest if he has it not4 ,he4--,but what are we going to do when we are in the society of those who do not observe this rule8 ,she4--,sometimes1 we can enjoy the conversation of others for reasons opposite to what might be expected4 ,for example1 a few days since1 ,i was one of several guests at a luncheon1 and ,i was very much amused in noting how subjects1 which in themselves seemed very prosaic1 could elicit so much enthusiasm in their discussion4 ,for example1 the guests discussed the making of salads1 and much enthusiasm was expended over a mixture of fruit1 nuts1 and olive oil4 ,the subject was certainly highly relevant1 as the very kind of salad in question was in evidence1 calling forth enthusiastic encomiums from all4 ,he4--,i suppose you are often amused at the amount of interest shown in trivial subjects4 ,she4--,no2 ,i1 too1 at times1 like to relax1 and to talk about subjects that would seem frivolous to many4 ,while much of my time and close attention must necessarily be given to study1 for this reason1 when there is any diverting influence1 ,i prefer1 occasionally1 to forget everything of a serious nature2 and1 like the bee that goes from flower to flower to sip of each its sweetness1 so ,i enjoy passing from one subject to another1 discussing only lightly1 each in turn4 ,so you see whether it is salads or pates2 ,mrs4 ,campbell or ,paderewski2 shirred gowns or pleated1 these subjects at times may prove interesting and diverting4 ,he4--,but when a person is deeply interested in some special study that counts1 ,i can not see how he can find much satisfaction in the discussion of topics so very foreign to his specialty4 ,she4--,as ,i have just implied1 the specialist finds it necessary to relax4 ,i have in mind a noted physician who spends many of his waking hours1 and hours when he should be sleeping1 either in his laboratory or with his patients2 but immediately when he enters his drawing-room to greet a friend1 he forgets his work utterly1 for the time being1 and before many minutes have passed1 his listener is convulsed with laughter over some new story--the latest acquisition to the ,doctor's stock4 ,he4--,do you know1 ,i often wonder why people do not cultivate the art of story-telling4 ,it seems to me that if one would entertain one's friends now and then with a good story1 it would enliven what would otherwise be a very dull occasion4 ,she4--,story-tellers--good story-tellers--are probably born1 not made2 and yet1 the person who is not especially gifted in this art1 may succeed in entertaining his listeners1 provided that he has wit enough to remember the point1 and to couch his language so that the dnouement is not surmised1 for surprise is an important element in the telling of a story4 ,he4--,occasionally1 ,i hear a good story1 and one that ,i wish to remember1 but ,i can never trust myself to repeat it for fear that ,i shall commit the flagrant sin of missing the point2 and that omission would1 of course1 be unpardonable4 ,she4--,i think you might become a very successful reconteur1 if you would give some attention to the art in question4 ,of course1 the important thing to remember is1 what are the essentials1 to omit all unnecessary details1 to keep the listener in suspense and1 above all1 not to omit the point4 ,we can not all be ,charles ,lambs nor ,sydney ,smiths1 but we can each have our little store of funnycisms from which to draw when the occasion is opportune1 or the story relevant4 ,he4--,well1 ,i suppose we must decide that one must be a good listener at all hazards1 and that one must find something of interest in the conversation of others even though the subject may be salads when it should be suffrage1 for example4 ,shall we make ,,be ,a ,,good ,,listener ,,at ,,all ,,hazards ,golden ,rule ,number ,,viii48 ,she4--,yes1 ,i suppose so2 but if we could all remember and practice our other golden rules1 we should not need to add this one to the list4 ,he4--,let me see whether ,i can enumerate them4 ,golden ,rule ,number #a4--;,avoid unnecessary details4 #b4--;,do not ask question number two until number one has been answered1 nor be too curious nor too disinterested2 that is1 do not ask too many questions nor too few4 #c4--;,do not interrupt another while he is speaking4 #d4--;,do not contradict another1 especially when the subject under discussion is of trivial importance4 #e4--;,do not do all the talking2 give your tired listener a chance4 #f4--;,be not continually the hero of your own story2 and on the other hand1 do not leave your story without a hero4 #g4--;,choose subjects of mutual interest4 ,and our latest acquisition1 ,golden ,rule ,number ,,viii41 ,be a good listener4 ,she4--,you have done remarkably well to remember all these rules4 ,he4--,haven't ,i earned a reward8 ,she4--,what shall it be8 ,he4--,the rose in your hair4 ,illustration3 ,how radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels ,upon thy bosom fair1--made fairer still ,by ,luna's silvery beams4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,ix ,make your speech in harmony with your surroundings4 ,he4--,let us walk along the shore--away from our friends at the hotel4 ,the night is far too beautiful to spend in discussing the merits of biscuit and honey compared with those of strawberries and cake4 ,she4--,and with such a sky and such a scene before them6 ,and the day--how perfect it has been6 99 99 99 99 ,the blue sky ,leaned silently above1 and all its high ,and azure-circled roof beneath the wave1 ,was imaged back and seemed the deep to pave ,with its transparent beauty4 ,he4--,oh6 they're not thinking of the sea nor of the sky4 ,although when ,i saw one of the ladies gazing intently at the moon1 ,i thought that she1 like you and me1 had succumbed to the influence of its magic beams2 but ,i very soon became disillusioned1 for ,i heard her suddenly exclaim1 ,oh1 ,i wish ,i had some ,welsh rarebit6 ,i am so very fond of ,welsh rarebit4 ,she4--,her thoughts were evidently relevant1 as the moon probably suggested to her1 green cheese1 and from that1 it was only a step to the toasted article4 ,i dislike to hear a person express a fondness for food4 ,i know that it is correct to use fond in this way2 but to me fondness should be used only with reference to one's friends2 but to be fond of ,welsh rarebit6 ,i should prefer to use another expression4 ,he4--,of course you aren't fond of anything but flowers1 and books1 and music1--,oh6 and the moon4 ,she4--,and people2 they come first4 ,he4--,everybody8 ,she4--,not everybody1 only a few4 ,he4--,including---- ,she4--,i think that we should go back to our friends4 ,he4--,and discuss ,welsh rarebit8 ,let us take this boat and glide over the silvery lake4 ,we can find more interesting subjects to talk about than edibles2 and1 if we cannot1 we can at least be silent and let the glorious night speak for us4 ,she4--,because of just such nights1 ,i come here every year4 ,he4--,but the moon1 like the sun1 shines everywhere for all4 ,she4--,yes1 but not everywhere alike4 ,there must be trees with branches outspread to catch its silvery beams1 and giant hills in the distance to form a heavy background4 ,the full moon shining on our great ,lake ,michigan is a glorious sight1 but that which is needed to make the scene perfect is not there4 ,but here--nothing is wanting4 ,o beauteous ,lake6 ,how radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels ,upon thy bosom fair1--made fairer still ,by ,luna's silvery beams4 ,he4--,the poet is nature's interpreter4 ,he expresses what we feel2 what we should wish to say1 were we able to express our thoughts in poetic language4 ,but sometimes he does not interpret truly4 ,wasn't it ,browning who said3 ,never the time and the place ,and the loved one altogether8 ,she4--,i don't see the relevancy of the quotation4 ,we must go back to the hotel4 ,our friends will miss us4 ,he4--,but you haven't heard my lesson yet1 as we used to say in school4 ,i have to recite all the golden rules1 and add our new one4 ,what shall it be8 ,she4--,rule ,number ,,ix43 ,,one',s ,,speech ,,should ,,be ,,in ,,harmony ,,with ,,one',s ,,surroundings4 ,he4--,in other words1 a person should not talk about cheese when the moon would be a more fitting topic4 ,she4--,or1 when it might be more fitting to remain silent4 ,he4--,some one has said1 ,silence is the virtue of the feeble1 but it is probably as often the virtue of the wise4 ,she4--,it was ,carlyle who said3 ,consider the significance of ,,silence3 it is boundless1 never by meditating to be exhausted1 unspeakably profitable to thee3 ,cease that chaotic hubbub1 wherein thy own soul runs to waste1 to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor2 out of ,silence comes thy strength4 ',speech is silvern1 ,silence is golden2 ,speech is human1 ,silence is divine4' ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,x ,do not exaggerate4 ,he4--,you may remember that one of the extracts that ,i read to you from my note-book referred to exaggeration in conversation4 ,do you know1 ,i have been paying attention to this fault1 and ,i find that it is decidedly general even with people who are supposed to be honest and sincere4 ,it is really one phase of falsifying2 in my opinion1 it is a very disagreeable habit1 and one that a person should try to rid himself of4 ,she4--,parents can not be too careful in the bringing up of their children to see that they do not form the habit of exaggerating what they undertake to tell4 ,why6 ,some persons can not make the simplest statement without exaggerating the facts4 ,for instance1 if one undertakes to give the price of a garment or of some furniture1 the amount paid is always increased in the telling of the story2 and so with the narration of trivial events--the speaker will enlarge his statements until he presents a distorted picture to the mental vision of the listener4 ,the exaggeration of facts should certainly be avoided2 and a person can overcome this tendency in himself1 if1 when he finds that he is making a misstatement1 he will correct himself1 and give a true version4 ,for example1 if he finds that he is fixing the cost of a possession at five dollars1 when it should be four dollars and fifty cents1 he can correct the error without even betraying his intention to falsify4 ,by doing this1 he gradually trains himself to adhere to facts2 for1 while the price of the article may be a matter of small consequence1 it is a matter of far more importance that the person who has the habit shall correct his tendency to misstate facts4 ,so again1 when one is narrating an incident in one's experience1 the same strict adherence to the facts should be observed4 ,in this way a person establishes a reputation for veracity4 ,we all have friends in whose statements we place no reliance1 simply because we know that they invariably exaggerate every fact that comes within their observation or experience4 ,i know of no fault in conversation that is more grievous than this nor that can give one such a general air of insincerity in all things4 ,he4--,i know1 ,i have friends whom ,i can not believe--no matter how serious they are in impressing upon me1 the truth of the information that they are so willing to impart4 ,she4--,of course1 when persons of this kind attack the reputation of others then1 indeed1 does their fault become a serious one2 but there are many1 otherwise well-meaning1 persons who would not speak ill of another1 who place themselves continually at a disadvantage by their exaggerated speech4 ,there is the school-girl1 for example1 who finds every person and thing perfectly lovely--or perfectly horrid1 as the case may be2 who had the most beautiful time in her life last night2 who finds her teacher divine2 tennis1 a dream of delight--everything1 no matter what1 is just dandy--or dear4 ,later in life1 she may exaggerate as to her husband's income2 her children's virtues or appearance2 the price of her garments--and in this way she will acquire the unenviable reputation for insincerity1 unreliability4 ,no one will give any credence to what she says1 simply because she is known always to exaggerate the facts4 ,he4--,i feel as you do1 and when ,i find myself enlarging upon the facts1 ,i try immediately to correct my fault and adhere to an actual recital4 ,she4--,of course1 we know that in telling a story for the sake of its humor1 a person will sometimes lapse into an enlargement of the details1 but1 as ,rudyard ,kipling would say1 ,that is another story4 ,he4--,had we not better make this ,golden ,rule ,number ,x48 ,i wonder whether ,i can recite all the ,golden ,rules3 ,golden ,rule ,number #a4--;,avoid unnecessary details4 #b4--;,do not ask question number two until number one has been answered1 nor be too curious nor too disinterested2 that is1 do not ask too many questions nor too few4 #c4--;,do not interrupt another while he is speaking4 #d4--;,do not contradict another1 especially when the subject under discussion is of trivial importance4 #e4--;,do not do all the talking2 give your tired listener a chance4 #f4--;,be not continually the hero of your own story2 and1 on the other hand1 do not leave your story without a hero4 #g4--;,choose subjects of mutual interest4 #h4--;,be a good listener4 #i4--,make your speech in harmony with your surroundings4 #aj4--;,do not exaggerate--our new rule4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,xi ,indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation1 but do not garble it4 ,he4--,i have just been reading a very interesting article entitled ,learning by ,heart1 and ,i have become impressed with the idea that one should occasionally commit to memory inspiring passages in verse and prose4 ,in the language of the author3 ,they may come to us in our dull moments1 to refresh us as with spring flowers2 in our selfish musings1 to win us by pure delight from the tyranny of foolish castle-building1 self-congratulations1 and mean anxieties4 ,they may be with us in the workshop1 in the crowded streets1 by the fireside2 sometimes on pleasant hill-sides1 or by sounding shores2 noble friends and companions--our own6 never intrusive1 ever at hand1 coming at our call4 ,she4--,some one has said that an apt quotation is as good as an original remark4 ,it is certainly always relevant4 ,we cannot all be ,wordsworths or ,tennysons2 ,charles ,lambs or ,carlyles1 but we can make some of their best thoughts our own4 ,a conversation or a letter in which some choice quotation finds a place1 is certainly thus improved and lifted above the commonplace4 ,it was ,johnson who said that classical quotation was the parole of literary men all over the world4 ,he4--,for a long time1 ,i have been copying in a note-book1 extracts that have interested me1 but it did not occur to me to commit them to memory4 ,hereafter1 ,i shall do so1 for ,i am sure that it will add to my resources both in conversation and in letter-writing4 ,she4--,some of the most delightful letters that ,i have ever received have been those in which there have been quotations1 so relevant1 so charming that1 for the time being1 they seemed to have been written for me alone4 ,he4--,i have always hesitated to interpolate my conversation or letters with quotations1 for fear that ,i might seem to be airing my familiarity with classical literature4 ,she4--,of course1 one does not wish to appear pedantic2 and one will not1 if one will use the quotation for the occasion1 instead of making an occasion for the quotation4 ,the proportions1 too1 of a conversation or a letter must be preserved4 ,if one is talking about a commonplace subject1 the quotation1 if one is made1 should be in keeping with the thought4 ,as a clever writer has said1 ,a dull face invites a dull fate1 and so with a commonplace subject2 the treatment should be in accordance with it4 ,he4--,some persons are never able to quote a passage or tell an anecdote without perverting the meaning4 ,in fact1 ,i have long been interested in noticing how inexact the majority of people are in making statements of all kinds4 ,i can recall several friends who are unreliable in what they say4 ,their statements should be checked up--verified1 as we say in business4 ,she4--,as some one has said3 ,a garbled quotation may be the most effectual perversion of an author's meaning2 and a partial representation of an incident in a man's life may be the most malignant of all calumnies4 ,he4--,how very relevant that quotation is4 ,you have certainly just exemplified your own suggestion1 namely1 that the quotation should be used to suit the occasion4 ,shall we make this ,golden ,rule ,number ,,xi43 ,,occasionally ,,indulge ,,in ,a ,,relevant ,,quotation1 ,,but ,,do ,,not ,,garble ,,it8 ,she4--,certainly2 a ,golden ,rule that it is well occasionally to observe4 ,,golden ,,rule ,,number ,,xii ,cultivate tact4 ,he4--,consider the significance of ,,silence3 it is boundless1 never by meditating to be exhausted1 unspeakably profitable to thee4 ,cease that chaotic hubbub1 wherein thy own soul runs to waste to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor2 out of ,,silence comes thy strength4 ,speech is silvern1 silence is golden2 speech is human1 silence is divine4 ,she4--,and what suggested the lines from ,carlyle8 ,he4--,oh6 ,i was thinking of one of the extracts in my list of quotations relevant to our subject1 ,the ,art of ,conversation4 ,it is when you come close to a man in conversation that you discover what his real abilities are4 ,one might add1 and what they are not4 ,she4--,and ,i suppose that the line suggested the thought that1 in many instances1 to quote ,carlyle again1 ,speech is silvern1 silence is golden2 speech is human1 silence is divine4 ,he4--,undoubtedly1 in many instances1 it would be better to preserve a discreet silence than to say that which is disagreeable or untruthful4 ,of course the tactful person can frequently so turn the conversation as to be obliged to adopt neither alternative4 ,she4--,one should always be truthful1 and one should never say that which would be displeasing to the listener1--of course1 we must except those semi-disagreeable things which we sometimes feel privileged to say to our relatives or our best friends1 on the ground that we are champions on the side of truth4 ,he4--,i have always maintained that it is only a true friend who will tell the unpleasant home truths4 ,she4--,yes2 we can all remember occasions when our expressed resentment at some well-meant criticism offered by a member of the family1 for example1 was met by the rejoinder that it was the truth4 ,he4--,the truth is not always pleasing to the ear1 and ,i agree with you that1 except in the case of the privileged few1 only the pleasing things should be told4 ,she4--,that is all--provided1 of course1 that they are at the same time truthful4 ,he4--,and if they are not8 ,she4--,then they should be left unsaid1 for one's speech should never be insincere or flippant4 ,he4--,to be told that one is not looking well1 or is looking ill1 or older1 as the case may be1 is certainly not conducive to pleasant feelings on the part of the listener4 ,she4--,frequently1 the person who would not be guilty of offenses of this kind1 will arrive at the same results in an indirect way4 ,for example1 ,a1 who may be too polite to tell ,b that he is getting along in years1 will ask him whether the handsome young lady seen in his company at the theater the previous evening is his daughter1 thinking thus to compliment him as being the proud parent of so beautiful a maiden2 whereas1 ,a1 who prides himself upon his youthful appearance1 and thinks that he is holding his own against ,father ,time1 fails to appreciate the would-be compliment4 ,mrs4 ,c informs ,mrs4 ,d that she looks ten years younger since becoming so stout1 while ,mrs4 ,e4 advises ,mrs4 ,f4 to buy a hat1 as up-to-date elderly women no longer wear bonnets2 and so on through the alphabet4 ,he4--,oh6 ,i suppose it is impossible for people who are so obtuse as these to go through the world without blundering at every step4 ,she4--,i don't know4 ,it seems to me that these unthinking people might be taught to think4 ,surely1 we can all learn by observation and experience2 and it would seem that persons fairly introspective might discover that it is not direct speech alone that wounds or offends4 ,we all know that the prettiest compliments are often those which are implied2 and1 conversely1 sometimes it is the suggestive criticism or censure that wounds the most4 ,he4--,then we must remember that we should keep our minds alert2 that we must not be found napping2 that it is not sufficient that we refrain from giving pointed home thrusts1 but that we should never1 even by indirect speech1 leave with our listener an unpleasant memory4 ,she4--,yes2 we meet some people1--often only for a moment1--only once1 perhaps1 in a lifetime2 but it is possible1 in many instances1 to make that moment linger forever as a pleasant memory to that other4 ,we can all remember some occasion when there was merely a handclasp1 when but few words were spoken1 but the memory is ours forever4 ,something that was said1 perhaps1 seemingly trivial1 but glorified by the speaker's smile1 by the sincerity of his heart4 ,he4--,after all1 to sum it up1 it is the word ,t-,a-,c-,t1 or the lack of it1 that makes a person correspondingly agreeable or disagreeable in his social intercourse with another4 ,someone has defined tact as the art of pleasing1 and so ,i should think we might add this mandate to our golden rules--,cultivate the art of pleasing1--say the right thing or say nothing4 ,now1 ,i am going to recite all our golden rules1 for ,i know them by heart3 ,golden ,rule ,number #a4--;,avoid unnecessary details4 #b4--;,do not ask question number two until number one has been answered2 nor be too curious and1 too disinterested2 that is do not ask too many questions nor too few4 #c4--;,do not interrupt another while he is speaking4 #d4--;,do not contradict another1 especially when the subject under discussion is of trivial importance4 #e4--;,do not do all the talking2 give your tired listener a chance4 #f4--;,be not continually the hero of your own story2 nor1 on the other hand1 do not leave your story without a hero4 #g4--;,choose subjects of mutual interest4 #h4--;,be a good listener4 #i4--,make your speech in harmony with your surroundings4 #aj4--;,do not exaggerate4 #aa4--;,indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation1 but do not garble it4 #ab4--;,cultivate tact--our new rule4 ,illustration3 ,decoration