,good ,form                             
and                                     
,christian ,etiquette                   
,,mrs4 ,s4 ,m4 ,i4 ,,henry              
,illustration3 ,decoration              
,,review ,,and ,,herald ,,pub4 ,,co4    
,battle ,creek1 ,mich4                  
,chicago1 ,ill41 ,toronto1 ,ont41       
,atlanta1 ,ga4                          
,copyright1 #aijj1 by                   
,,mrs4 ,s4 ,m4 ,i4 ,,henry4             
,preface4      ,let no one who shall do 
me the honor to read this little book   
suppose  that ,i have been 8laying down 
a lot of rules40 ,the most that ,i have 
attempted is to point out some of those 
regulations which the  experiences of   
thoughtful men and women of the world   
have found  necessary to good social    
order1 as well as some of those things  
that a  long experience in work for the 
unfortunate has discovered as requisite 
to the prevention of scandals and       
consequent ostracism4    ,to have seen  
conscientious young men and women       

struggling against the  awful current of
 popular reproach because of certain    
things in conduct  which1 while innocent
 to them1 have inevitably aroused       
suspicion in a  suspicious world1 is to 
at least wish to help those who have    
asked help1  or who are willing to      
receive it1 to the end that they may    
acquire that  sort of knowledge which   
shall enable them to avoid such peril   
and  contempt4    ,the questions which  
appear in these pages are bona fide     
questions1  written and sent to me by   
those who asked them for themselves or  
others4  ,the positions taken are all   
based on what ,i believe to be          
principles  which must lie at the       
foundation of any social life that would
 keep  itself unspotted from the world1 
and which can be used as a testimony to 
the gospel in the sight of a wicked and 
untoward generation4    ,i have not     
written for the world4 ,many writers    
have done that4 ,nor have  ,i written   
for the nominal ,christian2 but for     

those who are earnestly  looking for the
 best means of serving ,god and         
humanity1 while they are  also looking  
for that blessed hope1--the glorious    
appearing of our ,lord4                 
,s4 ,m4 ,i4 ,henry4                     
,good ,form4                            
,i4      8,good form0 is especially a   
society phrase1 but it is full of       
meaning1  such as has a direct bearing  
on even the life and walk of a          
missionary4  ,it is of sufficient       
importance to engage the attention of   
any who would  become cultured1 and is  
practical and simple enough to become a 
subject  of study in the most common1   
isolated home1 in which children are    
growing up4    ,it is in good and bad   
form that is found a large share of all 
that  difference which distinguishes the
 lady or gentleman from the slattern    
and the boor2 and in the consideration  
given to this question of  manners it is
 once again true that 8the children of  
this world are  wiser than the children 

of light40 ,luke #af3h4    ,one of the  
first efforts that men or women will    
make if they have an 8ax  to grind10 or 
8something to borrow10 will be to appear
 well4 ,if they  have anything 8to      
push10 an advantage to secure1 which    
makes it  necessary that some           
influential people shall be 8won over0  
to some  certain way of thinking1 they  
will study every movement1 turn1 and    
word2  learn tact1 self-control1 or     
anything else by which they can hope to 
succeed4    ,many a man has practised   
facial expression for hours before a    
mirror1  not for amusement1 but for     
business2 to the end that he might tone 
down or eradicate certain lines which   
would make an unfavorable  impression   
upon those whom he met1 and has         
carefully cultivated in their  place    
those that would be sure to give him a  
better introduction among  those whom he
 intended to use to his own profit or   
pleasure4 ,this is  constantly done in  
the interests of self1 and has often    

resulted in  forwarding those mercenary 
and sometimes criminal ends for which it
 was  designed4    ,for the same purpose
 men learn grace of carriage1--how to   
enter and leave  a room1 how to moderate
 every tone2 and practise laboriously in
 private1  to fix as habit anything     
which they believe to be desirable1 and 
eradicate anything that would be a      
hindrance1 so that they may never be    
taken off guard by any rush of feeling1 
and so jeopardize the selfish  interests
 which are at stake4    ,for the same   
end little children are put into        
training of the most  exacting sort1 and
 grow up almost perfect copies of some  
great master in  certain forms which1   
while in themselves empty1 yet are like 
buckets1  capable of holding anything4  
,and until ,christians are willing to   
labor  as faithfully to become winsome  
themselves1 and train their children to 
do the best of all work in the best of  
all forms1 they have not yet come  to   
love the truth as the world loves self4 

,the truth is to be carried to all      
people1 high and low4 ,a boor1 who      
loves the truth1 and who is filled with 
the ,holy ,spirit1 may do a good  work  
in some lines4 ,if he has had no        
opportunities to know how to carry      
himself among men1 except such knowledge
 as comes by being a ,christian1  ,god  
will keep him where he can be used1 and 
will use him to his glory1  and give him
 sheaves to bring home at last4    8,be 
a ,christian0 is an easy answer to the  
question1 8,how shall ,i conduct  myself
 in such and such a case80 ,but a man   
may be a ,christian1 and yet1  for the  
lack of some specific instruction in    
certain forms of procedure1  perpetrate 
a blunder which will bring the laugh    
from the profane whom he  wished to     
arouse to sober thought2 or make a      
mistake1 such as will carry  and widely 
scatter a serious misunderstanding by   
which ,christ will be  reproached and   
his work hindered4    ,i am confident   
that in every home among all good       

,christian people there  is a genuine   
desire to attain to the best training in
 everything that  will make this best of
 all work go swiftly to the ends of the 
earth2 but  ,i am also sure that many   
have failed to appreciate that 8the     
cause0  has a right to be carried by the
 most perfect methods to which it is    
possible to attain4 ,the truth is worthy
 of the best of all 8good form0  in     
home1 church1 and social life4 ,good    
form does not consist so much in        
putting on1 as in putting off--keeping  
off--those things in deportment1        
speech1 and association which are       
especially ungraceful1 unwinsome1       
incorrect1 and improper4    ,social good
 form1 although it seems to be of the   
world1 worldly1  represents just what   
,christ would do if he were living among
 men and  women in ordinary social      
relations4 ,the world has taken the best
 that  worldly wisdom can comprehend of 
the ,christ-life1 and carefully embodied
  it in a certain code to which it      

professes to hold itself2 to which it   
does hold itself in public1 whatever it 
may do behind the scenes4    ,it is     
manifestly true that the man who has the
 mind of ,christ ought to  grow1        
apple-tree fashion1 as much of courtesy1
 gentleness1 and all that  goes to make 
an agreeable appearance1 as the world   
can possibly buy in  the market of good 
manners1 tie on and wear1               
,christmas-tree fashion4    ,it is by   
his first appearance that the colporteur
 will open or close a  door to the truth
 which he carries in a book1 or in      
samples of health  food4 ,his manner in 
the homes where he is entertained1 in   
public1 on the  train1 the street1 at   
camp-meeting1 or on the platform1 will  
close or  open the hearts of even the   
hungry to the spiritual food which the  
minister is sent forth to serve in the  
,master's name4 ,the manner of  those   
who occupy the field will play no       
insignificant part in the work  of      
building up the school1 the college1 the

 mission1 and in reaching the  uttermost
 parts with the gospel2 and since the   
children now under  training in the     
homes of ,christian workers must have a 
share in the work  of ,god in this time 
when it means more than it ever did for 
the servants  of ,god to carry weights  
and hindrances1 it seems a good thing to
 take up  the consideration of what     
constitutes 8,good ,form10 or practical 
,christian conduct4    ,i have had my   
attention called to this subject by     
questions from young  people1 as well as
 parents2 and this message concerning   
how to meet  people and handle the      
things of this mundane sphere is to both
 parent  and child1 boys1 girls1 and    
young people1 who are preparing for     
earnest  work in the world4             
,,ii4      ,social life is important to 
the young2 it can not be safely ignored 
in  school life1 therefore ,i must have 
these interests in mind as ,i write1    
and shall hope to help both the anxious 
parent and the thoughtful young  student

 who would know how to do the right     
thing at all times4    ,it is1 however1 
a great deal more important to be than  
to do2 for it  is out of the being that 
the doing must come4 ,the point         
requiring  the most anxious             
consideration is that we may learn to   
truly know and  love the principle upon 
which safe conduct depends4    ,he who  
loves purity for its own sake--who hates
 impurity because of its  vileness1     
instead of for the painful consequences 
which follow its  practise1 will never  
go very far astray from those manners   
which are of  good report in any society
 on earth4 ,he will instinctively avoid 
the  appearance of evil as far as he    
knows how evil appears4    ,there are a 
few principles which are always a       
safeguard and defense to  those who will
 be controlled by them1 which if woven  
into familiar  thought will render      
correctness in the details of conduct   
spontaneous  and inevitable4 ,and yet   
circumstances may modify this fact4 ,it 

is  sometimes slow work to get hold of a
 principle2 and some specific  teaching 
as to just what to do1 and what not to  
do1 will often be a  great help to even 
those who are pure of heart1 and have a 
mind to avoid  the appearance of evil4  
,every detail of life must take note of 
the fact that the human unit  called man
 was created male and female1 and must  
begin his earthly  career as boy and    
girl1 each at best but a half of this   
unit4 ,this1 with  many correlated      
facts1 must be kept before us in the    
process of  training4 ,up to a certain  
period boys and girls can play together 
and  associate with perfect             
unconsciousness of any difference       
between them1  but the careful parent   
and teacher must be alert with reference
 to the  time when nature awakens1 after
 which their association can only be    
safely on two lines1--,christian work   
and general good fellowship2 and  these 
always under the chaperonage of some    
reliable and mature woman4  ,this is    

especially necessary in all lines of    
work to which ,christian  young people  
in these days of special activity among 
the youth would be  urged1 such as      
missionary meetings1 cottage meetings1  
,sabbath-school1  house-to-house        
visiting4 ,without such chaperonage1    
boys and girls1 young  men and young    
women1 should never go together1 even in
 ,christian work2  but girls by         
themselves1 and boys by themselves4     
,this is made necessary by the fact that
 nature has been perverted1 that  the   
enemy of all purity has taken possession
 of every avenue of thought1  even from 
the cradle1 and has filled the mind of  
childhood with  unprofitable imaginings1
 for which the only cure is the         
knowledge of the  truth pure and simple1
 adapted to their comprehension1 and    
such  opportunities for association as  
shall make them mutual helps without    
stimulating that self-consciousness that
 leads to curiosity and evil            
suggestion4    ,any allusion which would

 give the children an idea of the       
anxious  thoughts which you entertain   
for them should be studiously avoided4  
,teach and practise them in all which   
constitutes true decorum while they  are
 still too young to understand its      
significance and necessity1 so  that    
when the time comes that the youth shall
 need 8good form0 habits  for the       
protection of a good name1 he will have 
them already1 as a part  of that second 
nature which good breeding produces4    
,the first teaching  will naturally     
apply without any reference to sex      
differences1 to that  conduct which     
should prevail between a company of     
girls and boys each in  companies by    
themselves4    ,first1 as to manners in 
public4 ,boys and girls should grow up  
with the  idea that it is a great deal  
nicer for girls to keep each other      
company1  and for boys to do the same1  
than for boys and girls to go together4 
,teach your boy to protect the girls of 
his acquaintance from any  annoyance    

which his presence anywhere could       
produce4 ,make him understand  that     
carefulness in this regard is the       
beginning of genuine manliness4  ,teach 
both boys and girls to be reserved and  
modest in their deportment  toward all  
other boys and girls alike1 boys toward 
boys1 and girls  toward girls4 ,that    
boisterous familiarity among boys       
together is so  unbecoming as always to 
breed contempt4    ,by this ,i would not
 have my readers infer that good form in
 behavior  must in the least interfere  
with the 8good times0 that children and 
youth ought to enjoy4 ,it does not      
prevent that happy freedom which can    
alone make real 8play0 possible4        
,running1 jumping1 climbing trees1      
shouting1 hallooing1 can all be done    
without any violation of a single       
principle of good form as applied to    
childhood life4 ,the trouble is that    
many parents and teachers have the idea 
that any form of conduct to be  8good0  
must be grown-up and gray-headed1       

whereas one of the very worst  of bad   
forms is for a child to appear old4     
,good form1 the genuine  sort1 like     
every other good thing1 will admit of   
any conduct which will  promote strength
 of body1 soul1 and spirit4 ,real       
strength1 which must  always include the
 whole being1 is perfectly safe1 and a  
perpetual  source of joy in the ,holy   
,guest4 ,many popular plays and games1  
however1  are so far removed from every 
principle which should control action   
and  association1 that they can not be  
indulged without rudeness1 brutality1   
and in many cases that sort of          
familiarity which leads to immorality1  
and should be thrown into the heap with 
all other bad manners4    ,it is bad    
form for two1 three1 or more persons to 
walk in an irregular  huddle on the     
street1 as children sometimes do1 going 
backward facing  the rear of the        
procession in order that conversation   
may be carried on4  ,even young children
 should be taught that the running1     

leaping1 jumping1  loud talking and     
laughter1 which would be all right in   
the back yard1 on  some playground1 or  
in the open country1 is never to be     
indulged on the  public street2 that the
 moment the street is reached the       
deportment  should become quiet1 and    
have thoughtful reference to the comfort
 of the  public4    ,they should        
understand the obvious reasons for this3
 ,a running child is  practically a     
blind and deaf one2 he must have plenty 
of room1 or he  will be almost sure to  
collide with something or somebody2 in  
town will  be in danger of teams or     
cars4 ,the rule for the street should   
be3  ,steady1 quiet1 careful1 eyes to   
the front1 no loud talking or laughing1 
no play1 no swapping of knives1 no      
reading1 no chewing or eating1 no       
clearing the throat or spitting if it   
can possibly be avoided4 ,if this  last 
is impossible1 let it be done in the    
most unobtrusive manner1  behind a      
kerchief2 in short1 let nothing be done 

which would inevitably  draw the        
attention of passers-by1 causing special
 notice and comment4    ,the craze for  
notoriety manifests itself in a thousand
 repulsive forms  of street behavior1   
through which the grossest temptations  
attack the  untaught and careless2 and  
those parents who would protect their   
children from many nameless dangers must
 teach them good form as applied  to    
street life4    ,nowhere does good      
breeding reveal itself more quickly than
 in the quiet1  unobtrusive             
8,i-am-minding-my-own-business0 air of  
the girl or boy1 who1  with an armful of
 books held closely1 looking neither to 
the right nor  to the left1 clips to and
 from school2 or if walking and talking 
together by twos1 it is with steady     
carriage and voices so modulated  that  
no passer-by will overhear a word1 nor  
think of being jostled4    ,children    
should be taught by both word and       
example that when they are  about to    
meet any person on the street they      

should fall back into single  file at   
the right1 while still far enough       
distant as to obviate all  danger of    
interference4 ,who has not found himself
 caught on the street  in a mob of      
schoolgirls or boys1 often both         
together1 who needlessly  monopolize the
 walk1 as with loud talking1 wrangling1 
jesting1 jaws  working at both words and
 gum1 they publish as upon the housetop 
the  utter lack of good form in the     
homes from which they have come8 ,the   
first blame for this disgusting         
spectacle always falls upon the         
children2 but in truth it all belongs to
 the homes out of which they  have      
tumbled pell-mell without that          
instruction and those fixed habits      
which would have insured decorum and    
decency4    ,every child should be      
taught to give courteous recognition to 
acquaintances4 ,the boys should lift the
 cap to each other as well as to  their 
elders1 always to father and mother1 if 
they chance to meet them  on the street2

 and the girls by some modest feminine  
salute of bow or  word4 ,but some one   
may object that it seems 8far-fetched0  
to train boys  to this formal mannerism4
 ,to which ,i reply in the old adage    
that the  8boy is father of the man40   
,the man in every relation in life will 
follow the lead of boyish habits unless 
indeed in the interests of some  great  
conviction or self-interest he makes all
 things new4 ,this can be  done1 but    
even then the traces of early habits    
will often remain to  bring shame and   
confusion at some critical point when   
pleasure or profit  are at stake4       
,,iii4      ,the social life of boys and
 girls should be recognized and provided
 for  as a department of the school in  
which they shall become educated in     
those things which make for social      
righteousness and purity later on4 ,as  
boys treat each other1 they will1 as a  
rule1 treat each other as men4 ,as  boys
 and girls behave toward each other1 so 
will they as a rule behave  as men and  

women4 ,courtesy is necessary to the    
highest degree of success  in any       
enterprise4 ,the boy who is habitually  
courteous toward other boys  will be    
successful in winning his way as a man  
among men with any  important message   
with which he may be commissioned2 and  
if he is so  instructed that he is      
gentle1 considerate1 and true to his    
mother1  sisters1 and girl associates1  
he will be a safe friend as a man1 a    
representative of ,christ to his own    
wife and children1 and help to make     
that home which must stand as a witness 
for ,god in the last days4    ,the      
children in whose interests ,i am       
writing must be in a peculiar sense     
messengers of light to the world4 ,they 
will be on the field of action in  the  
very last scenes of the earth's history1
 when souls must be  snatched by a power
 of which we have little                
comprehension--the power to  win        
quickly2 the power to reveal the truth  
as in a flash of light1 so  that it will

 be recognized at sight by the          
bewildered1 desperate soul  that has    
awakened at the last moment to its peril
 and privilege1 and  with scant space   
for repentance and cleansing1 cries out 
for help2 and  the ,holy ,spirit must   
find somewhere those whom he can train  
and use for  the service which in those 
days must be done to reach every        
creature1  high as well as low1 with the
 gospel4    ,the truth is worthy of the 
best possible investment4 ,its          
messengers  should be free from every   
offensive habit1 custom1 and            
manner--thoroughly  equipped in all that
 is most graceful1 most scholarly1 as   
genuine  ,christian scholarship goes2   
most refined1 most chaste1 and agreeable
 in  both public and private            
intercourse4 ,they should be the most   
suitably1  and that means the most      
simply and tastefully1 dressed4    ,the 
theory of the world considers as 8good  
form0 that each individual  should dress
 according to the class which he        

represents2 and the  ,christian who     
conscientiously and consistently dresses
 as his name  8,christian0 would        
indicate that he should dress1 will be  
respected by  even the frivolous        
8butterfly of fashion10 and will stand a
 good chance  of a hearing by that same 
8butterfly10 even in the most solemn    
message1  provided it is accompanied    
with the simple1 easy courtesy of good  
breeding1 such as can not be suddenly   
assumed 8for effect10 but which is  the 
result of life-long training4 ,there are
 honest souls among so-called  8social  
butterflies10 and some workers must be  
trained to go out into  the highways    
where they flit away their hopeless     
lives1 as well as  into the byways and  
hedges1 where social wrecks are huddled 
in darkness  and desolation4    ,the men
 and women who must do this work are now
 boys and girls in our  homes or        
schools1 and very much which shall      
determine the scope of their  influence 
depends upon what the ,spirit of ,god   

shall find available in  them for use4  
,a truly well-trained1 courteous man or 
woman can be used  anywhere1 among any  
people2 while the uncouth and untrained 
must be  kept in a limited sphere4 ,the 
truly cultured man or woman whose every 
gift and grace has been sanctified and  
consecrated1 will be more sure to  know 
what to do in the homes of the wretched 
and the haunts of vice for  the         
alleviation of distress and the saving  
of a soul than those who have  never    
thought it worth while to cultivate     
winsome qualities4    ,god has so       
arranged human life and relations that  
even the most  aristocratic and         
exclusive must take note of1 and plan   
for doing1 the  same every-day things   
that are alike common to all2 and the   
only  question of deportment which can  
ever come between the uncouth and the   
refined1 concerns the methods of doing  
these same most common things4    ,the  
mother in the humblest home1 with the   
most meager opportunities1 if  she has a

 high enough appreciation of the mission
 to which her child is  called as a     
representative of the precious 8faith of
 ,jesus10 can1 in  him1 place at the    
disposal of the ,holy ,spirit such      
graces of gentleness1  such a beauty of 
holiness1 such winsome kindliness1 such 
tact and  address1 as shall open the way
 for anything which he has to bring4    
,but  to do this she must begin with the
 child in his relation to the other     
children of his own age with whom he    
stands on an equal footing4 ,to  treat  
with deference and politeness only those
 who because of age or  position are    
recognized as his superiors1 would train
 the child to  sychophancy4    ,the man 
who can lead other men1 except by some  
appeal to selfish or  brutal passion1 is
 very hard to find4 ,a 8man's way0 has  
passed into  proverb1 and stands for    
heedlessness as regards his treatment of
 his  equals4 ,his natural sense of pity
 will make him kind to the helpless1    
provided he can afford it2 he will be   

respectful to the respectable  because  
his own respectability requires it2 and 
his general interest  will lead him to  
court those who are in a position to    
bestow favors2  but to be all that a    
consecrated ,christian companion might  
be to those  who are on the same plane  
with himself1 or who are so outlawed by 
public  sentiment that no accuser but   
conscience would arise against him for  
any  wrong done to them1 is the point of
 failure in the association of men  with
 men and women1 and is the result of an 
almost universal idea that  8boys don't 
need to be so very polite to each       
other10 nor 8so very  particular0 as to 
just how they talk when alone among     
themselves1 and  that the silly girl or 
8fallen0 among women is legitimate prey 
for any  man4    ,it is by 8behavior0   
that men and women are protected from1  
or exposed  to1 especial and peculiar   
temptations1 as well as made more or    
less  effective in truth-teaching and   
soul-winning4    ,it may seem ridiculous

 to make the use of a handkerchief the  
subject of  grave consideration1 but it 
is a terrible fact that this little     
scrap of  linen has become more         
dangerous than dynamite to the          
thoughtless girl in  her teens who1 for 
lack of proper teaching1 picks up the   
little tricks  of street flirtation1    
which have so defiled it that it has    
become almost  indecent to handle it    
outside the seclusion of one's own room4
    ,let a bright-faced girl take her   
handkerchief in hand on the street of   
even a small country village1 and she   
will immediately become the center  of  
attraction to every lewd fellow who     
haunts public places1 until he  has     
found out what she intends to do with   
it2 and the code of signals  for which  
it is employed is of such a character   
that the most innocent  may be charged  
with a lewd invitation by what might    
seem to be its  necessary use4    ,the  
same is true concerning the sound made  
by clearing the throat and  nasal       

passages1 and coughing4 ,these are all  
used as signals of vice2 and  many a    
giddy1 but innocent girl has found      
herself in situations of great          
humiliation and danger1 simply because  
she had not been forearmed with a       
little knowledge as to proper conduct in
 these matters4    ,good form requires  
that the handkerchief be carried in the 
pocket out of  sight2 never brought out 
in public excepting in a case of        
necessity1  and then used as            
unobtrusively as possible4 ,the         
importance of this  matter is sufficient
 to warrant repetition even to line upon
 line and  precept upon precept4        
,those who will be able to do the best  
service in the closing work of the      
world's history1 to win the richest     
trophies for our coming ,king1 will  be 
those who1 together with the            
8commandments of ,god and the faith of  
,jesus10 and the fulness of the ,holy   
,spirit1 will know and observe in       
deportment that which the world         

recognizes as good form4                
,,iv4      ,the whole social problem1 as
 regards pure living1 home-making1 and  
domestic comfort1 depends on how young  
people1 as such1 shall deport           
themselves toward each other4    ,some  
good people have seemed to suppose that1
 provided the children were  converted1 
everything else would take care of      
itself1 so that any  specific           
instruction in 8manners0 must be        
superfluous1 if not foolish4  ,this is a
 fallacy of the same order as that which
 assumes that if a man  is called of    
,god to preach the gospel he needs no   
education or  preparation1 only to stand
 up1 open his mouth1 and give his vocal 
organs  a chance to play1 leaving ,god  
to do the rest2 when the fact is that   
,god  will make good use of every       
faculty1 and all the culture that is    
provided for him1 but of no more4 ,the  
name ,christian should stand for  the   
very best that is possible in education4
 ,many a ,christian man has  brought    

reproach on the name of ,christ1 not    
because his heart was bad1  but because 
his manners were4 ,many a woman of pure 
purpose1 who would  not have committed a
 gross act for the world1 has alienated 
her husband1  made her neighbors        
suspicious1 and lost her good name1 just
 because she  did not know what things  
were of good report1 and therefore what 
must be  of evil report4 ,and these     
disasters resulted from lack of proper  
training in the early home on some      
points that seem too trivial to think   
about twice1 and which1 doubtless1 many 
will feel have no place in a  dignified 
discussion anywhere4 ,and yet since     
these small things concern  so much of  
weal or woe1 so much of honor or shame1 
we may well afford to  take time for    
their consideration4    ,one of the     
things most commonly seen1 and about    
which all the world  smiles1 is a boy   
and girl standing on opposite sides of  
the gate which  opens toward her home4  
,they have walked from school or church 

together1  she has entered and closed   
the gate1 and paused a moment for       
another  word2 he has taken this as an  
invitation to linger1 and so they stand 
laughingly or seriously chatting1       
sometimes long after dark4 ,the world   
calls it coquetry1 but the young people 
do not mean it as such2 to them  it is  
probably far removed from every evil    
thought4 ,they are innocent  and honest2
 but you can not make the world1 that is
 looking for evil1  believe that they   
are not consciously flirting4 ,it will  
estimate them  accordingly1 and soon    
begin to say1 8,that girl knows quite as
 much as  she ought to20 and the good   
,christian people of the community will 
grow  afraid of her as an associate for 
their daughters1 even if those same     
daughters do the same thing4    ,these  
children have seen older young people1  
perhaps mother and the  minister1 stand 
and talk and laugh in the same way4     
,some may ask1 8,well1  why not80       
,because it is not good form1 because a 

bad social savor  attaches to it1       
because1 no matter who does it1 unless  
they are very  aged1 or are1 like       
,csar's wife1 absolutely above suspicion
 7and who can  venture to assume such a 
thing for himself71 they will lose in   
dignity1  suffer in reputation1 become  
the butt of some sly joke from the class
 of  people who need the help that can  
only be given by men and women who do   
not 8allow their good to be evil spoken 
of40    ,if children and young people   
form the habit of stopping to talk at   
the  gate1 they will do it as men and   
women2 and by doing it1 draw the evil   
eye1 and invite gossip4 ,teach your boy 
and girl that good form requires  that  
when they arrive at the gate1 if they   
wish to continue the  conversation1 both
 should go on into the house together2  
or that1 after  he has opened the gate  
and closed it after her1 she should     
promptly say  8,good morning10 or 8,good
 evening10 and he should as promptly    
lift his  hat1 and walk away4 ,if they  

enter the house together1 good form     
requires  that he1 if he be young or    
old1 should receive a family greeting1  
and  that the members of the family     
shall be free to come to the parlor or  
sitting-room to which he has been taken1
 to remain and share in the             
conversation if they wish1 until the    
call is ended4    ,two young people     
should never suppose that they must sit 
in a parlor  with closed doors2 that    
father1 mother1 and every one else must 
be kept  out of the way because         
,nellie's friend 7never call him a beau7
 has come  to spend the evening4 ,they  
should never consider it possible to    
extend  that evening into and past the  
large hours of the night4 ,this is one  
of  ,satan's most fruitful wrecking     
devices1 of which the young people will 
never think1 themselves1 unless their   
training has tended to push them  off   
away from their natural social guides1  
and keep bad social models  before them4
    ,when the boy1 or young man1 comes  

to spend an evening because you have a  
daughter1 give him just as much of      
yourself as possible2 make yourself  so 
indispensable to the young people that  
they will naturally come to  you        
wherever you prefer to sit1 rather than 
try to entertain each other  without    
you4 ,this is not an unheard of thing1  
although one will  sometimes hear       
,christian people answer to this        
teaching as if it were  very extreme    
indeed4    8,how then will a young man  
be able to say anything special to the  
girl80  ,to which it may be answered    
that if he is not able to find some way 
which is perfectly consistent with every
 principle of decorum1 he is not  worth 
listening to2 and if that is true of    
him1 it will be because he  did not have
 his share of the right sort of home    
life and training4    ,in the social    
world1 where ,good ,form is as binding  
as the ,decalogue is  to the ,christian1
 fathers and mothers have made it       
impossible for a  young woman to think  

of entertaining her young man friend    
shut away  alone with him4 ,strange to  
say1 it has been the modest home1 the   
,christian parent1 who has allowed      
,satan to set this trap for unwary feet 
by leaving the young daughter1 without  
one word of instruction1 to  entertain  
some young man1 perhaps a stranger1 who 
passed as her lover1  shut away in the  
8parlor10 while everybody was given to  
understand that  no one must disturb the
 mysterious solemnities of 8keeping     
company10  even if they should continue 
into the small hours4 ,and as a result  
of  this disregard of simple good form1 
which is as a fence against  recognized 
danger1 untold sin and sorrow have      
resulted4                               
,v4      ,the most worldly society      
decided long ago that it is very 8bad   
form0 for  boys and girls of school age 
to think of lovers1 of engagements1 or  
of  marriage4 ,not until the day of     
childish things is entirely passed1 not 
until a young man has some settled      

purpose in life1 some business or       
profession which insures an income1 does
 8,good ,society10 as it is  called1    
smile upon any 8serious intentions0     
between young people1 and  every effort 
is made to hold the children of the     
social world to this  regulation4       
,all this is because of the fact which  
can not be repudiated that  premature   
thinking along these channels is        
unhealthy1 and disqualifies  the youth  
for any real earnest preparation for    
practical life4    ,the world           
theoretically considers these           
preparatory years so important1  and    
education so vital1 that with every     
possible device it seeks to keep  the   
children unconscious of sex1 and of the 
burdens which this  consciousness always
 brings1 until they have attained       
something like  maturity4    ,of course 
the world fails1 because it is trying to
 do by sheer force of  human will1 and  
by human methods from outside influence1
 that which can  only be accomplished by

 the growing from within of a divinely  
planted  principle4 ,but that which the 
world is struggling after1 that about   
which it has made so many laws1 has     
written and talked so much1 and in      
which it is so often foiled1 ,christian 
parents ought to find practical  and    
easy1 because of the power of the       
,spirit which always accompanies  every 
truth4    ,it is a fact1 however1 that  
many worldly homes have succeeded at    
this  point1 because they have          
faithfully taught the principle1 even if
  without prayer or faith2 while many   
,christian homes have failed1 with  all 
their praying and so-called faith1      
because they have ignored the  principle
 that marriage is for men and women1 not
 for children2 and that  any association
 which takes cognizance of sex must be  
for marriage only2  that if it is for   
any other object1 it is coquetry1       
flirting1 and  consequently immoral4    
,this should be so faithfully taught to 
the growing child1 and all words  and   

conduct in home and ,christian social   
life should be so under the  control of 
this principle1 and he should be so     
taught those habits of  social          
intercourse which will protect him from 
premature and unhealthy  thought1 that  
he shall be able to grow up to the time 
of his own  home-making untrammeled by  
the entanglements of unhallowed         
associations  and their distracting     
memories4    ,here again the boundaries 
of safety are marked by things which    
seem  trivial4 ,the social world counts 
it as 8bad form0 for young people to    
even shake hands upon introduction1     
because it has found out to its  shame  
and disgrace that there is danger in a  
hand-shake2 and ,i am free  to say that 
this social extreme is better than the  
freedom which  sometimes obtains1       
because by that the young people become 
practised in  a looseness of conduct    
which opens the way for trouble4        
8,good form0 toned down from the extreme
 rigidity of the social world1 so  as to

 meet the requirements of ordinary      
,christian intercourse1 would  teach    
that the hand-shake should be just what 
its name indicates--a  clasp1 a shake1  
and then a drop4 ,teach your son that he
 should never  place any lady in the    
embarrassing position of having her hand
  crushed1 or held one second2 for if   
she has been properly taught1  she will 
be sure that he is either ignorant1     
careless1 or ungentlemanly  in so doing2
 and if she is herself ignorant and     
careless1 if she is weak  enough to     
allow her hand to be held1 she is in a  
condition where she  needs to be        
protected from herself2 and your son    
should be able to be  that protector4   
,teach your daughter that if any man    
clings to her fingers when she has      
given him her hand in friendly1 cordial 
fashion1 if he takes the liberty  of    
placing his other hand under her elbow1 
or taking hold of her arm1  that it is  
her privilege and duty to teach him that
 he has committed a  breach of good     

manners by withdrawing her hand1        
forcibly if she must1  and stepping out 
of his reach4 ,and any young man who is 
worthy of her  friendship will in his   
heart thank her for the rebuke1 and     
profit by it4    ,many a boy who has    
grown up in a family of sisters1 and    
among their  friends1 has1 in going out 
into the world1 had to suffer over and  
over  such tortures of chagrin and shame
 as were almost unendurable before he   
could learn those little things in 8good
 form0 which should have been  taught   
him by precept and example in his home  
from childhood2 and for a  lack of the  
right teaching in this 8hand-to-hand0   
relation1 many a boy  has been taken    
captive by shameless women1 simply      
because he practised  in the wider and  
more wicked world the free habits which 
were common in  the neighborhood life at
 home1 which1 while neither right nor   
safe  there1 were not absolutely        
dangerous1 because each knew everybody1 
and  all were held to respectability by 

the short rein of close social          
relations4    ,teach your daughter that 
it is not 8good form0 to allow a young  
man in  walking with her to support her 
steps in any way1 unless she has        
suffered some sudden injury4 ,a sprained
 ankle would excuse any necessary  help 
until a carriage could be called2 or1 if
 this were out of the  question1 until  
she was taken home4 ,if she must have   
help1 let her take  his arm1 and hold   
on2 but teach your boy never to place   
his hand on a  lady's wrist1 and lay her
 arm along his own1 holding her by hand 
and  elbow4 ,this is a most vulgar      
method of supporting any excepting one's
  own wife1 sister1 mother1 or some aged
 woman4    ,there is no possible reason 
why any young woman1 who is in health1  
should1 even after dusk1 need support   
from any man4 ,she ought to be able  to 
keep her place in the road or field1 or 
on the sidewalk1 just as well  as he    
can1 and walk independently of his hand 
or arm4 ,the notion that a  woman must  

have a man's arm for support is off the 
same loaf with all  the other nonsense  
which belongs to all the rest of that   
8clinging-vine  theory0 which assumes   
that she is of necessity so much the    
weaker as to  need his constant         
attention and care1 especially as long  
as she is young  and attractive4 ,the   
old and wrinkled woman can as a rule    
take care of  herself4    ,woman has    
been made weaker than man by the sinful 
habits of life to  which social custom  
condemned and held her during the ,dark 
,ages4 ,this  subjugation was her part  
of the entailed curse4 ,but from this1  
with all  its disabilities1 she is to   
become free in ,christ2 and our         
daughters  trained in ,christian homes  
should at least be able to walk anywhere
 that  a young woman ought to go without
 leaning on some man for support4       
,how much more graceful are the         
movements of men and women as they walk 
together1 keeping step1 but far enough  
apart so that each is perfectly  free1  

than when locked together by the arms1  
especially in daylight1 on  a smooth    
path4    ,as age comes on1 it is a      
beautiful thing to see a son or daughter
  supporting the steps of father1       
mother1 or grandparents2 but it is a    
pathetic scene1 the beauty of which     
depends entirely upon its necessity4    
,as a show of any special regard which  
two people may have for each  other1 it 
is ridiculous4                          
,,vi4      ,good form requires that in  
passing through a door or gate the      
younger  shall always stand aside for   
the elder1 and that care shall be taken 
to  open and keep the door1 especially  
if it swings both ways1 so that it      
shall not hit any one in coming to4     
,i was once forcibly reminded of this   
article of the 8good-form0 code by      
seeing a vigorous young college student 
rush through a door without any  regard 
to an elderly woman whom he met in the  
passage1 and whom he  almost knocked off
 her feet in the encounter1 leaving the 

outside door  to swing back against her 
slender hand as she caught it to prevent
 its  hitting her in the face4 ,he      
seemed utterly oblivious to the fact    
that he  had met any one1 and by this   
unconscious rudeness he published abroad
  the fact that he had been reared in   
utter disregard of ordinary  courtesy4  
,this young man is trying to do what is 
right2 he wishes to do  a good work in  
the world1 but he is destined to feel   
the handicap of bad  breeding1 for which
 he is not responsible4 ,he will be     
responsible1  however1 for continuance  
in bad form2 for bad breeding may be    
made  temporary in its effects by an    
earnest purpose to replace it by true   
culture4 ,i knew a young man whose birth
 and surroundings in boyhood were  as   
unpromising as could be imagined4 ,his  
father was a very low1  ignorant1       
drunken fellow1 unclean and disgusting  
in all his habits1 even  when sober4    
,his mother could neither read nor      
write1 although she was  possessed of   

intelligence and many true1 womanly     
instincts1 such as made  it possible for
 the hovel in which they lived to bear  
some semblance to  a home4 ,this boy1   
who was the eldest of a large family1   
was bright  enough to attract the       
attention of a 8district visitor10 was  
clothed1  and taken to the              
,sunday-school1 and from thence went on 
through a career  of self-denial1       
self-training1 and culture1 always      
seeking the best  things1 holding every 
advantage gained from point to point1   
finishing  his preparatory work as one  
of the most polished and consecrated    
young  men of a large college circle1   
paying his way by skilled labor in a    
machine-shop for a few hours each week1 
while he was being equipped for  a large
 field of usefulness4 ,he became        
especially distinguished for the        
elegance of his deportment toward all   
with whom he chanced to be brought  into
 association4 ,it was often said1 8,he  
never forgets himself10 8,he  always    

does the admirable thing10 8,you can    
depend on him to do the  elegant        
always10 and the beauty of it all was   
that this was a part of  his ,christian 
life4 ,he was always wanted1 but the    
social world that  coveted him knew that
 he could not be had for anything that  
was  inconsistent with ,christ4         
,teach your boys and girls this         
principle of deference to their elders1 
by example1 as well as precept4 ,bring  
them up to practise it1 with every      
other expression of cultivated manners1 
among themselves as brothers and        
sisters4 ,the elder ones should1 of     
course1 never demand deference2 that    
would be the worst of all bad forms4 ,no
 true lady or gentleman will ever       
notice any disregard of personal rights4
 ,to demand this recognition1 or  to    
manifest resentment at its omission1 is 
to forfeit one's claim to it2  but let  
each be ready to recognize the right of 
seniority1 and that it  is at least     
graceful for the younger ones to yield  

place and position to  their elder      
brothers1 sisters1 and friends4    ,a   
well-bred girl or woman will open and   
hold the door for an old1  elderly1 or  
feeble man2 will enter after him1 and   
close the door  herself1 although he1 if
 he has been trained in the habits of   
the 8old  school0 of gentlemen1 might   
insist on rendering to her the courtesy 
due  her sex1 and wait for her to pass1 
even if she should be young enough to   
be his granddaughter2 but it will be a  
gracious act for her to  unobtrusively  
hold the humbler place which properly   
belongs to her1 and  wait until he      
passes in1 unless1 as might sometimes   
happen1 she would be  in danger of      
attracting undue attention by making    
longer effort to  thwart his courteous  
designs1 as well as possibly cause delay
 to others4  ,in such a case she should 
quietly thank him1 and pass on as       
quickly as  she can without haste1 so as
 to get out of the way4    ,among men   
and women of the same generation it is  

expected that a man  will be always     
ready to perform all those little       
chivalric courtesies  for women         
everywhere which he would like other men
 to tender to his own  mother1 sister1  
wife1 or special friend1 and no more4   
,for a boy or man  to treat any other   
woman of the same age better than he    
treats his own  mother1 sister1 or wife1
 reveals the bad1 disloyal heart which  
will  taint the very best social 8good  
form0 with corruption4 ,to demand from  
others for one's personal friends better
 treatment than he himself  gives1 is to
 at once publish that he is guilty of   
the most contemptible  form of          
selfishness4    8,i let no man abuse my 
folks but myself10 was the frank        
confession of a  young man who was      
always ready to fight any one who would 
treat his  8folks0 with anything like   
the neglect and disrespect that was his 
constant habit4    ,the little          
attentions which should become habits in
 youth1 because they  help to that      

appearance which will serve as adornment
 to every good  doctrine1 is the placing
 of the chair in the most comfortable   
position  possible for another2 seating 
grandfather or grandmother1 father or   
mother at the table2 the adjustment of a
 light2 picking up the article  that has
 been dropped2 not waiting to be asked  
to help if you should see  that father1 
mother1 or in fact1 any one else1 is    
looking for something  which they do not
 seem to be able to find quickly1 or if 
they are trying  to save your steps by  
getting along with some inconvenience   
which you  can see might1 by a little   
effort on your part1 be made to give    
place to  convenience4    ,nothing is   
ever lost 8in the long run0 by that sort
 of thoughtful care  for others which is
 known as politeness4 ,in traveling1 or 
in passing in  and out of a crowded     
church or hall1 the truly well-bred man 
will never  be found struggling in the  
midst of a jam to get through the door  
into  the best seat1 or up into the     

train before any one else4 ,if he should
 be  caught in a jam1 he would not elbow
 people right and left2 but would1      
while protecting his own person and     
those who are dependent upon him  from  
injury1 find his own chance of getting  
out of the tight place by  helping      
others out4    ,in this selfish world   
nothing so quickly touches the popular  
heart as  that sort of ,christlikeness  
which is recognized as politeness to    
strangers in public places1 and as      
carefulness in helping the weak1 and  in
 refraining from adding burdens to those
 who are hard-pressed by                
responsibilities4 ,the man or woman who 
obtains control of the highest  quality 
of influence is the one who has either  
from childhood been  trained to think   
those thoughts that blossom out into    
beautiful  considerateness1 or who has  
taken himself in hand1 and by vigorous  
self-training has pruned off the growth 
of selfish heedlessness1 and  grafted in
 the gentler graces of the ,spirit4     

,one ,w4 ,c4 ,t4 ,u4 lecturer had been  
painfully impressed by the fact that    
baggagemen had to handle such heavy     
trunks4 ,this was before so many  little
 wheeled contrivances had been placed at
 their disposal4 ,she  accordingly      
supplied herself with two small trunks  
in place of the one  large one1 for no  
other reason than to save the backs of  
the men4 ,her  kind intention was kept  
to herself for years1 and it went       
unrecognized  at its full value until at
 length one day she encountered a grumpy
 old  baggageman1 who seemed to have a  
special grudge against any woman with   
two checks4 ,he was from the first      
moment very uncivil1 and threatened  her
 with a charge for excess of baggage4   
,she said but little1 only went  quietly
 along the baggage-room with him1       
identified the two diminutive  parcels1 
and waited4 ,he looked at them1 then at 
her1 colored like one  who was ashamed  
of himself1 and said3--    8,be them    
all80    8,yes1 those are all40         

8,well1 what made you make two of 'em80 
8,that is my way of helping to lift one 
big trunk10 she said4    8,your what80  
8,my way of helping you to lift one big 
trunk40    8,it is8 ,well1 ,i never6    
,you did it to save our backs80         
8,yes3 ,i never wanted any old man or   
boy to strain himself over a big  trunk 
for me1 so ,i divided mine in two40     
8,well60 ejaculated the grumpy old      
fellow1 who evidently did not know      
anything more to say4 ,his whole heart  
had suddenly mellowed1 his eyes  grew   
red1 and his hands trembled as1 taking  
off his cap1 he changed  those checks   
with the air of one who was performing  
an act of religion4    ,when he came    
with the two little bits of metal to the
 waiting passenger1  still carrying his 
cap in his hand1 and when she took them 
with a 8,thank  you10 and put them in   
her purse1 he looked timidly into her   
face as if  to see if he could possibly 
be forgiven4 ,she chose not to make much
 of  the incident1 so she did not seem  

to notice his perturbation1 but with a  
simple 8,good day10 left the            
baggage-room4 ,but she knew very well   
that  that old baggageman would never   
forget1 and would perhaps be kinder to  
all the big trunks in the future for the
 sake of those little twin  products of 
her kind intention4                     
,,vii4      8,how ,i wish ,i knew just  
how one ought to behave in going into   
public  places1 meetings1 and lectures10
 said a young woman recently4 ,others   
have asked similar questions4 ,i have   
heard something like this more than     
once3 8,isn't it dreadful not to know   
the little things that would  prevent   
folks from looking at you and smiling in
 such a mean way80    ,it is 8dreadful10
 as well as unnecessary that children   
should be left to  grow up ignorant of  
any of those things1 great or small1    
which will make  it possible for them to
 enter the schoolroom1 the church1 the  
hall1 and  move about in such a manner  
as not to be objects of unpleasant      

observation to those who make politeness
 a profession4    ,all that has been    
said about the opening and closing of   
doors1 and the  rules of precedence1 are
 always in full force1 and should become
 so  automatic that they will never have
 to be remembered4 ,even at home1  and  
in the small country schoolhouse place  
of worship they should be  observed1 if 
one hopes to always do the 8nice way40  
,in a small congregation where          
8everybody knows everybody10 there is a 
great temptation to fall into very lax  
manners1 and so to cultivate  habits    
that are hard to overcome1 and which    
will cause chagrin by and by  to the    
young man or woman who wants to appear  
well among strangers4  ,therefore it is 
wise to train the children to such      
deportment in the  small church1 or     
cottage meeting that they shall never be
 in danger of  bringing reproach on the 
home which they have left behind them1  
by  uncouth or disorderly behavior in   
any public assembly4    ,any place of   

worship should be entered quietly1      
children and parents  together1 single  
file1 in such order that there will be  
no jostling1  crowding1 or changing of  
places4 ,there are two ways of seating a
 family1  either of which is good form4 
,in one case the father enters first1   
followed in order by the mother1 the    
youngest child1 and then the others     
according to age1 so that the eldest    
comes last4 ,at the opening to the  pew1
 or row of chairs1 the father turns1    
standing to face the others1  and waits 
until all have passed in and are seated1
 when he takes his  place at the        
entrance4 ,this arrangement gives the   
mother the seat in the  farther corner1 
with the 8baby0 beside her1 while the   
eldest child is  next to the father4    
,in the other case the eldest child     
leads1 and passes into the farther  end 
of the seat1 followed by the other      
children in such order as to  leave the 
8baby0 next to the mother1 who sits in  
the second place from  the end1 beside  

her husband4    ,sometimes when there is
 a large family1 it is necessary to     
separate the  children by placing the   
mother in the midst of them between two 
restless  ones4 ,but whatever order is  
necessary1 let it be so matter-of-course
  that the coming in and seating shall  
be in that decorous manner which  will  
impress the children with the sacredness
 of the service for which  they have    
come4    ,teach the child that in       
entering a seat or row of chairs1 good  
form  requires that he shall pass clear 
in to the farthest vacant place1 or     
that if he has dropped down in the end  
or middle of the row1 and others  come  
to claim seats beyond him1 he should    
always either arise1 come out  and stand
 to allow them to pass in1 or himself go
 on to the farthest  place4 ,teach him1 
never1 under any circumstances1 to make 
it necessary  for any one to climb over 
his feet and legs to reach a vacant     
place4  ,this is one of the most common 
and worst forms in which bad training in

  deportment manifests itself4    ,also 
teach your child to refuse to climb over
 anybody's feet4 ,instruct  him either  
to wait for a decent chance to enter    
that seat or to find  another4 ,the     
ludicrous1 not to say unbecoming        
appearance of a woman who  tries to drag
 herself over the knees of some man who 
remains immovable  in the end of the    
seat1 or who attempts to draw himself up
 to 8make  room0 for her to pass1 is    
entirely out of harmony with the spirit 
which  should prevail in a place of     
worship2 and the young man coming from  
home  with this habit1 which has been   
formed by climbing over his brothers and
  sisters1 as well as parents and       
guests1 and letting them climb over him1
  will be left some sad day to wonder   
why people stop at the entrance to  the 
pew where he sits1 wait an instant1 look
 at him so queerly1 and then  pass on1  
as if they were not willing to occupy   
the same seat with him4  ,he may think  
it is because he is from the country1   

because he is not  stylishly dressed1   
because they are very 8stuck up10 when  
it is simply  because they do not choose
 to climb over his legs to find a seat4 
,but your daughter should be so taught  
that if she must stand in the  aisle and
 wait for some man to get it into his   
head that he had better  move on1 or    
come out so as to allow her to pass1 she
 shall do it kindly  and without        
contempt2 for1 of course1 the poor      
fellow would do better if  he only knew 
how4    ,teach by precept and example   
that wraps and rubbers should not be put
 on  until after the benediction4 ,if   
your boy should grow up to the dignity  
of door-keeper in the house of the      
,lord1 he should know that extra seats  
should never be removed from the aisles1
 nor doors be opened1 until the  last   
8amen0 has been reverently uttered4     
,i believe that reverence and a proper  
understanding of the meaning of  the    
sacred hours of worship would be        
wholesomely inculcated by the  practise 

of sitting down in silence for two or   
three minutes after the  benediction1 or
 long enough for any necessary things to
 be done1 such as  the orderly passing  
out of the congregation might require4  
,good form requires that there be no    
loud talking1 visiting1 laughing1       
bustling1 or confusion of any sort in   
the breaking up of a congregation4  ,in 
fact1 instead of a breaking up1 it      
should be a melting away1 each for      
himself seeking to hold in thought1 and 
carry with him all that is  possible of 
the subject which has been considered1  
avoiding everything  which tends to     
dissipate or to divert the mind from its
 contemplation4    ,this is the good    
form which nominal ,christians require  
and teach4 ,it  is only the form1 if you
 please1 at the best dead1 by which the 
worldly professor seems to be trying to 
make up what may be lacking in  real    
spiritual worship2 but that very fact   
proves it to be more than  ordinarily   
worthy of consideration and adoption by 

the most spiritual4  ,upon the same     
principle that our righteousness must   
exceed the  righteousness of the scribes
 and ,pharisees should our courtesy and 
good  breeding exceed that of the most  
cultivated people of the world4    ,that
 behavior which everybody recognizes as 
becoming the house of the  ,lord1 is    
that which would most certainly         
distinguish ,jesus if he should  come in
 among us2 and the true worshiper who   
will clothe himself with  these gentle1 
,christlike graces of conduct will be no
 less truly a  ,christian1 while he will
 certainly be more quickly recognized as
 such4                                  
,,viii4      ,one of the evils which the
 good-form code is intended to control  
is that  of the money and gift          
obligations1 and the part they play in  
the  association of young people2 and in
 this the burden of preserving the  just
 balance falls upon the young woman1    
although it is equally  necessary that  
both boys and girls shall be so         

instructed that they  shall each        
contribute an equal share of that mutual
 protection which  good form is intended
 to assure4    ,a sentiment still       
lingers in the social world--a relic of 
medieval  gallantry--to the effect that 
a young man must grant anything that a  
lady  asks1 even if1 to secure it1 he   
must risk his life1 or character1 or the
  last 8quarter0 with which he was to   
buy his dinner4 ,this asking on her     
part need not be really asking3 it may  
be only suggesting1 or  consenting to   
accept4 ,she may only exclaim1 8,oh1    
wouldn't a sleigh-ride  be just too     
lovely for anything60 ,she may have     
become naughty enough1  without         
intending any harm1 to say this on      
purpose to make the boy whom  she       
delights to tease begin mentally to     
count over his small supply of  change  
to see if he can possibly afford the    
rig4 ,girls have been known  to take a  
queer sort of delight in leading a young
 fellow on to spend  his last penny1 to 

contract a debt1 and go hungry1 because 
he did not  bravely refuse to take the  
hints that were intended to lead him    
into  expenditure such as he could not  
afford4    ,no girl who has been        
properly trained1 or who has truth and  
the elements  of womanliness within1    
will ever resort to any such expedient  
for her  pleasure1 but will keep herself
 from all or any such social            
entanglements as would lead to anything 
so base4 ,she will not allow a  young   
man to place her under obligation1 even 
to the extent of car-fare4    ,teach    
your growing daughter that to receive a 
gift of any sort from any  boy or man   
outside of the immediate circle of      
intimate1 well-known  family friends1 is
 dangerous1 if not disgraceful4         
,gift-giving and  gift-receiving has    
come to be a vice4 ,it is often intended
 as a sly1  covert method of buying you4
 ,gifts are employed for 8padlocking the
  mouth0 of those who know something    
which1 if told1 might spoil some        

selfish or criminal plot2 and this is by
 no means confined to ,tammany  ,hall4  
,many a girl has kept some dangerous bit
 of knowledge hidden in her  secret     
thought1 and has been compromised by it1
 simply because she had  thoughtlessly  
accepted some bauble from some man whom 
she supposed to be  a friend until1 the 
ulterior motive being revealed1 she     
discovered that  the gift was a bribe1  
and its possession a confession of      
dishonor2 and  then she has found       
herself in a great strait between her   
desire to be  free and yet to keep the  
trinket4    ,i had given a plain talk to
 a company of schoolgirls2 and many     
questions  had been passed up to me1 in 
answering which ,i had touched some of  
these  points4 ,at the close of the     
meeting1 a few girls lingered to speak  
to  me1 each waiting to ask some        
questions 8all for herself alone40 ,so  
while  the others waited at a safe      
distance1 they came1 one by one1 to     
whisper  their perplexities in my ear4  

,how my heart was taken captive by those
  girls1 as with shamefacedness1 with   
trembling lips and burning cheeks1  they
 asked me questions which were          
revelations both of the lack of early   
home teaching and of the methods by     
which an evil world had tried to  make  
them wise6    8,i have got afraid of a  
lovely necklace that my friend gave me10
 said  one of them4 8,i've wished a     
hundred times he hadn't given it2 but   
what  in the world can ,i do with it80  
8,send it back to him10 ,i said2 8tell  
him you know more now than you did  when
 you accepted it1 and that you can not  
keep it40    8,but that would make him  
furious4 ,i--,i--dare not make him      
angry40    8,then if he is so dangerous1
 you certainly dare not have him for a  
friend4 ,if he is worthy of your        
friendship1 he will understand and      
respect you all the more for this       
course4 ,if he is not worthy of your    
friendship1 the sooner you find it out1 
the better40    8,o--but--10 and the    

poor girl burst into bitter weeping4    
,then after a few  moments1 with a      
sudden firm resolution expressed in her 
face1 she dried  her eyes1 looked up at 
me1 clasped my hands as if to hold      
herself by  them1 and said1 8,i'll do   
it1--,i'll do it right off1--and if he  
wants to  make it hard for me1 he may4  
,i've kept honest1--,god knows ,i       
have1--and  he knows it1 though he      
hasn't helped me1 as he said he would40 
8,he promised to help you80 ,i asked4   
8,yes1 he did2 he said ,i could trust   
him2 that he'd never let a girl be      
compromised in his company in the world2
 but if ,i had done1 and gone1 as  he   
insisted1 lest if ,i didn't he would    
have been provoked1 ,i should have  been
 talked about long ago4 ,i thank you so 
much4 ,i'll get rid of it4 ,he  may have
 his old necklace1 and keep it to give  
to his wife40    8,that is right10 ,i   
said4 8,she is the only one who can wear
 or own it  with safety40    ,the young 
man with a good heart1 who is well      

taught in that which is  best in good   
form1 will never offer to any lady      
outside his own  immediate family circle
 any gift but flowers2 and those in the 
most  delicate unobtrusive manner1 such 
as will leave her1 in receiving them1   
absolutely free to pass them on to some 
hospital patient if she chooses4  ,to   
make her feel1 by even a look1 that she 
is under any obligation to  wear a      
flower because he sends it1 is to rob it
 of its fragrance and  beauty1 and make 
it fit only for the dust heap4          
,because of the possibilities which ,i  
have suggested1 and many others to      
which they lead1 good form requires that
 a young lady shall make it  practically
 impossible for any man not intimately  
related to her to  spend any money1 or  
force any gifts1 upon her4              
,,ix4      ,i should not do my whole    
duty if ,i did not make some reference  
to the  8holy kiss10 nor yet contribute 
what ,i can to enlighten the mothers who
  honor me by reading my book concerning

 the universal but almost  unspeakable  
questions that are always coming into   
the minds of young  people about this   
sacred form of salute4 ,you may know as 
much about  these questions as ,i do1   
perhaps more2 but there is many a mother
 who  never dreamed that they could     
infest any brain but her own1 and she   
never dared speak of such a thing4      
,one girl came to me1 her face suffused 
with blushes1 but with a  determined    
expression about her mouth1 and said3-- 
8,i am going to ask you something right 
out plain1 because ,i think you  will   
not laugh4 ,i've never dared ask anybody
 yet1 because everybody  always laughs  
in such a mean way if you try to find   
out anything about  such things2 and    
,i'd like to know how girls are going to
 know just what  to do4 ,now it's just  
this way3 ,i am going with ,charley1 and
 he is a nice  boy2 he wants to do what 
is right1 ,i know he does1 but all the  
boys have  such queer ideas about their 
#8rights4' ,when he takes me home from  

church  or any place--and ,i've just got
 so ,i dread to have him2 and sometimes 
,i  think ,i won't go with another boy  
as long as ,i live1 because1 you see1   
when ,i go to say #8,good night1' he--he
 thinks ,i am so queer because ,i  won't
 let him kiss me4 ,but ,i won't2 ,i     
never let anybody but my own  folks4 ,i 
don't like it4 ,i don't think it's nice 
to do that way unless  it's somebody    
you're sure of1 and love very much4 ,he 
says ,i'm queer2 and  he gets provoked1 
and says it's his right1 if he goes with
 me4 ,now ,i  want to know--is it80     
8,no2 it is not10 ,i said1 positively1  
and perhaps with a little flavor of     
indignation4 8,and no properly          
instructed young man would make such a  
claim4 ,he is not to blame1 of course10 
,i added more mildly1 8for he is  young1
 too2 but your instincts are all right2 
they are true2 they are of  ,god who    
made the kiss1 and gave it its own place
 in common human  language4 ,it belongs 
to the home1 and to the purest          

,christian fellowship  between man and  
man1 woman and woman2 to society1       
never40    8,oh1 ,i am so glad ,i asked 
you60 she said2 8for ,i was sure my     
feeling  about it was right4 ,but you   
know one doesn't like to offend one's   
friend1 and one doesn't like to be      
called queer4 ,but what does make boys  
act so1--good boys1 too1 for ,charley is
 a good boy80    ,i can not bring into  
the compass of these pages all that     
followed in our  talk1 but ,i would like
 to give the points of truth to the     
young mothers  for whom ,i write4       
,the answer to my young questioner is   
found in the fact that boys1 as  well as
 girls1 have been left in ignorance of  
the principle1 as it is in  ,god1 of    
which the kiss is one form of           
expression1 and have been left to  catch
 up its perversion as ,satan has        
undertaken to work it into custom  and  
habit1 in the world4 ,anything which    
,satan can not wholly spoil1 he  will   
counterfeit2 or1 better yet for his     

purpose1 make so common1 if  possible1  
that it shall become worthless1 as was  
the case with silver in  the days of    
,solomon1 when it became as the stones  
of the street1 and  8was nothing        
accounted of40    ,the kiss1 made       
common1 is ridiculous4 ,to be worth     
anything1 it must  speak exclusively the
 language of a pure1 changeless         
affection1 such as  is represented in   
the love of ,god for his children4 ,it  
belongs more to  the parent and child1  
brother and sister1 than to friend and  
companion4  ,it is1 as before intimated1
 fraternal1 not social4 ,as soon as any 
attempt is made to drag it into society1
 it becomes disgusting1 and is  always  
soon driven out by storms of ridicule4  
,therefore good form has  taken it in   
hand1 and has determined its sphere and 
office with the most  arbitrary         
insistence4 ,and again the voice of     
society is but an echo of  the voice of 
truth and purity4 ,good form has decreed
 that the kiss1  public and             

indiscriminate1 is either an indication 
of unmitigated  rusticity1 of shameless 
immorality1 or is to be understood as a 
joke1--very funny on its first          
spontaneous utterance1 but very flat if 
repeated4 ,indulged in private1 outside 
the sacred boundaries of the  family1   
between men and women1 it is            
unpardonable1--unatonable1 at least  as 
far as the woman is concerned4 ,good    
form requires that every young  lady    
shall be so well trained that she will  
keep her lips absolutely  untouched for 
her husband1 after the words have been  
spoken that make  him her husband4      
,the 8betrothal kiss0 of the romancer   
has been brought under suspicion in     
real life by the fact that betrothal is1
 in our day1 not by any means           
equivalent to marriage2 and the young   
man who knows the world1 and yet        
sufficiently regards truth and purity to
 seek them in a wife1 would  vastly     
prefer to find his lady friend rigidly  
determined to keep her  lips to herself 

as long as they two are yet twain1      
rather than to find  them always at even
 his command4    ,in the correspondence 
that has come to me as a result of      
8,studies in  ,home and ,child ,life10  
is to be found pitiful evidence of the  
ignorance  in which young people are    
allowed to grow up1 even in a matter    
which may  seem1 like this one1 trivial 
and bordering on the ridiculous4    ,the
 habit among children of kissing        
everybody is little short of  vicious4  
,kissing games of every description are 
considered vulgar1  anywhere outside the
 immediate family circle1 and even then1
 because of  the trend of habit1 they   
are not good form4    ,there is great   
possibility of infection in the kiss4   
,the remains of old  teeth1 the breath  
and lips of those who are in any wise   
diseased1 make  kissing dangerous4 ,it  
is well-nigh impossible to find a clean1
 sweet  mouth in these days of human    
degeneracy2 and because of these facts  
the  little children are exposed to     

every malignant disorder that is afloat1
  and many that are hidden deep in the  
foul cisterns of the broken-down  body  
of grandparents1 father1 mother1 and the
 strangers who straggle in  and use     
their 8rights0 on the freely rendered   
lips of the little  innocents4    ,the  
warnings of science1 of which so many   
make light1 are timely1 and  should be  
religiously regarded as the authority of
 ,god by every one who  does not know   
within himself that he has so faithfully
 brought his whole  being into          
conformity with every law of life and   
health that he is clean  through and    
through1 so that the sensitive lips of  
his babe can come to  his with the same 
certainty of a blessing in the caress   
that the bee has  when he goes to the   
white clover of the meadow4    ,he1 and 
he only1 who has brought himself fully  
into harmony with both  the letter and  
the spirit of ,isaiah fifty-eight may   
freely give his lips  to his child1 out 
of which to drink his fill of love4 ,and

 the home that  is brought into this    
beautiful accord with ,christ may be as 
the garden  of the ,lord1 from which all
 lips shall1 with every caress1 gather  
that  word of life that is sweeter than 
honey4                                  
,x4      ,the time is at hand when the  
truth must be taken into every lane and 
walk of life--into king's palaces1 into 
halls of learning1 into banquet  rooms1 
and into homes of refinement and        
culture1 as well as to the  haunts of   
poverty and crime2 for the whole earth  
must be filled with the  knowledge of   
the ,lord4 ,no soul must be left to     
arise in the second  resurrection and   
say1 ,i did not know the way of life1 or
 ,i would not  have been here4 ,there   
are being prepared in all ,christian    
homes those  who shall become the       
messengers of this gospel of the kingdom
 to every  rank1 grade1 and condition   
among men4    ,this is a consideration  
for every ,christian mother and father4 
,as among  the children of ,israel every

 maiden held in her heart the secret    
hope  that she might be the mother of   
the promised seed of ,david1 so now1    
however humble and far away from every  
center of influence your home may  be1  
however meager its furnishing1 however  
much you may seem to lack  incentive to 
noble effort1 there should be           
inspiration in the thought  that the    
little child playing about your feet1   
whose life and habits you  are molding1 
may be one who shall be called to bear  
the vessel of the  ,lord1 which is his  
,word1 filled with the holy oil of his  
,spirit1 before  some council of earth's
 great men1 and to answer for the       
principles by  which the world is to    
receive its final test4    ,by this ,i  
do not mean that he may be called to    
suffer  martyrdom1--although that is    
possible--but ,i refer to the fact that 
he may  have the yet grander ministry of
 standing up to be quizzed and          
catechized by those learned in the      
wisdom of the world concerning all  that

 he has been taught of ,christian       
principle1 health1 disease1 and  life in
 the ,holy ,ghost4    ,unquestionably1  
this work is waiting for some select few
 of our young  people in the not far    
distant future4 ,some great council of  
physicians  will wish to know all about 
what the medical missionary physicians  
teach1 and why2 the chemists of the     
world will wish to know the  philosophy 
of the system of dietetics which will   
keep the temple of ,god  in repair2 and1
 as is almost always the case among the 
people of the  world1 there will be     
eating and drinking on a large scale    
connected with  all these               
investigations2 and your boy or girl may
 have to accept the  place as guest of  
honor at some such feast1 and carry     
himself  elegantly1 for ,christ's sake  
and the truth's2 for the banquet1 the   
dinner1 the lunch1 play an important    
part in all social affairs to-day1  and 
will until the end of probation4    ,if 
a man of means and social standing      

becomes interested enough in what  you  
know of ,christ to hear you out on it1  
he will make you a dinner1  invite a few
 friends1 and give you a chance to talk 
and tell all you  know4 ,and if you know
 how to take advantage of the           
opportunity--how to  avoid giving       
offense by your manner of speech and    
habits of conduct2 if  you know how to  
charm and win by your personality1 you  
have placed at  the command of truth an 
instrument that can be made effective   
where1  otherwise1 no entrance could be 
gained4    ,nowhere is the observance of
 good form more necessary to one who has
  work to do in the social world than at
 the table2 for here bad habits  may be 
given such disgusting publicity as to   
render them a cause of  reproach to any 
good cause2 and the obligation is upon  
every ,christian  home to see that its  
children are so instructed that they    
shall be ready  to quickly fill any     
place to which the work may call1 and to
 stand with  dignity for the truth in   

any place that can be opened to its     
consideration4    ,a home of wealth and 
elaborate appliances is not necessary   
for such  training4 ,a child who is     
instructed in the proper use of the few 
simple  things that constitute the      
furnishing of the most humble home1 and 
in  those rules of good form that ought 
to be the natural order in any  place1  
will not be left to carry with him into 
some important  convocation careless    
table habits1 which1 under the pressure 
of a sense  of responsibility1 would    
certainly come to the front1 in place of
 the  few better ways that he might have
 picked up and stored away for          
occasional and special use4    ,in      
8acting out just what is in him10 he    
will not bring himself and that  which  
he represents into ridicule2 the        
opportunity of giving the truth a       
chance to shine will not be lost1 while 
honest souls are left in the  dark2 the 
breath of personal contempt will not    
obscure the character of  ,christ1 which

 he is supposed to represent4 ,he will  
be accepted1 first1  because it is      
agreeable to look at him2 he will be    
heard because no good  reason appears   
why he should not be2 and after that1   
everything will  depend on what he      
really is and has down under the        
surface1 in the  place where he lives   
alone with ,god4    8,but10 you say1    
8the ,lord1 who calls a man to stand in 
any place1 will  prevent any disaster to
 the cause1 provided his servant is     
honest40    ,yes1 ,god will be able to  
use even his servants' infirmities after
 he has  8helped0 them 7,rom4 #h3bf72 i4
 e41 added to them his strength and     
wisdom4 ,and this which we are          
considering is all in the nature of     
helps  to infirmity and ignorance4 ,it  
is in the direct line of legitimate     
education for the very best ,christian  
service4    ,the honest-hearted laborer 
for ,god1 who1 with his heart full of   
love1  starts out in his ignorance and  
awkwardness to 8do something0 for ,god  

and souls1 will find 8something0 to do2 
but we are now considering a  work which
 every man could not do1 and yet which  
some one must do4                       
,,xi4      ,i must believe that the     
parents who fail1 from carelessness or  
from  8lack of ambition0--the holy sort1
 which is equivalent to consecration    
and diligence--to give the child the    
best possible preparation for a good    
work1 will be held responsible for the  
failure that would have resulted  if    
,god had not stepped in with some       
special helps and prevented it4    ,love
 for ,god will cover a multitude of     
social sins2 but those who are          
responsible for the sins will sometime  
have their reproach to bear4 ,god  does 
not like to have to cover sins2 he only 
does it so as to keep  things looking as
 tidy as possible1 until they can be put
 entirely out  of the way4 ,covet the   
best gifts for your child1 give him the 
best  possible social habits1 and then  
turn him over to ,god for work1 and ,god

  will find rare service for him4       
,there are many teachings as to what    
constitutes good form at table4 ,it     
would be impossible for the ordinary    
mortal so to acquaint himself with  them
 as to become a 8social success20 and   
this is far from our purpose4  ,all we  
need care about is to see that the      
habits formed are free from  anything   
offensive4 ,society is kind to one who  
is not ambitious for  social            
distinction1--one who has something to  
say that is worth hearing1  who         
represents a principle1 or some new     
thing the discussion of which  may      
possibly furnish an agreeable           
diversion1--very much after the manner  
of the ,athenians in ,paul's time2 so   
that even if one does not 8know all  the
 ropes10 like one 8to the ,manor born10 
he will be received and heard1  provided
 he does not blunder into the few things
 which good form has  decreed that he   
must not do under any circumstances4    
,among these prohibited things are      

thrusting out the elbows from the side  
so as to push his neighbor at table2    
resting the elbows on the table2  and   
extending the legs under it so as to    
bring the feet in the way of  those     
belonging to the guest opposite4 ,if any
 guest does these things1  he may be    
sure that there will be at least three  
people over whom the  best and truest   
things that he can say will have very   
little influence4    ,the eyes of those 
who chance to glance his way will be    
seriously  offended and quickly averted 
if he should take up even a half-slice  
of  bread and bite into it4 ,good form  
says that bread must be broken off in   
small bits1 just when needed1 not       
spread1 but with a small lump of  butter
 placed upon it 7provided one uses      
butter71 conveyed to the mouth  with the
 thumb and finger of the left hand4 ,you
 will be permitted to  bite the piece in
 two once if you wish1 but no more2 that
 is1 it must  not be more than two      
8mouthfuls0 to begin with4 ,under no    

circumstances  must anything1 such as   
fruit-pits1 etc41 be ejected from the   
mouth into  a spoon1 fork1 or plate1 but
 taken from the lips with the left thumb
 and  finger1 and placed on the plate4  
,neither bread nor any refuse is ever to
  be placed on the cloth1 but on the    
side-dishes provided2 or1 lacking       
these1 on the one plate that is being   
used4    ,food should not be conveyed to
 the mouth with a knife1 but with a     
fork1  always excepting soup1 and such  
sauce as must be handled with a spoon4  
,do teach your children not to thrust   
the point of the spoon into the  mouth1 
but to take its contents with the lips  
from that part nearest the  handle1     
without the least possible sound4 ,teach
 them not to lift the  spoon so full    
that it will drip2 and as your boy grows
 up into mustaches  he will need to     
learn how to take soup and sauce without
 defiling those  manly ornaments1 or    
else to let soup alone at the banquet4  
,but you can  teach him from childhood  

to handle his napkin so deftly as to    
keep his  lips clean1 even after they   
have put on their thatch4    ,as to the 
napkin1 by all means habituate the child
 to its use1 even if  it be nothing more
 than a square of old calico or         
flour-sacking1 hemmed1  or even         
unhemmed4 ,he can learn on a piece of   
his mother's old apron  how to use the  
fine linen of the king's banquet-hall1  
and do it so  daintily that the apron   
and the mother who wore it down to      
napkin  dimensions will confer honor on 
the king's damask4    ,o my sister      
mothers in the many humbler homes of    
those who love our ,lord  and are       
looking for his appearing1 has it seemed
 to you that any of  these things that  
,i have written are trivial or          
burdensome1 wholly  outside the sphere  
of life in which you and your children  
will ever  move8 ,are you so            
overburdened with many cares that you   
feel1 when the  food is cooked and      
placed 8anyhow10 that your part is done2

 that the  family may come 8just as it  
happens0 and eat1 simply to satisfy     
hunger1  as do the cattle in the field8 
,have you thought that if you could but 
get through the day anyhow1 your duty   
was done8 ,still you must meet the      
certainties that are before you4 ,your  
children must bear a part in the        
closing scenes of the world's           
history1--ask yourself if there is not  
something for you in these things that  
,i have written4 ,they have been        
written with a most solemn sense of     
their importance4 ,they are a part  of  
the gospel message2 they concern the    
work which some one now in  training    
must do before the ,lord can come4      
,the knowledge of how to prepare and    
serve a hygienic dinner1 as well as  how
 to select suitable portions and decline
 others1 at a worldly  banquet1 may be  
absolutely necessary to the winning of  
souls in the last  call to the world4   
,,xii4      ,nothing is of more         
importance to success in any work than  

conversation4  ,how to converse so as to
 win and not wound1 to both give and    
gain1 is an  accomplishment which has   
very nearly passed into the list of lost
 arts4  ,and here again good form comes 
to the rescue1 and by its placid but    
arbitrary code offsets that lawlessness 
into which even good men have  fallen in
 excess of zeal4    ,sixty years ago the
 rule for children was that they 8should
 be seen and  not heard10 so that a     
child's talk was almost unknown in a    
company of  adults4 ,this was so wrong  
that it has reacted in a sort of wild   
freedom  upon the part of the children  
which1 uncorrected1 develops into the   
adult chatter-box and gossip1 than which
 no character is more to be  dreaded4   
,bad habits of conversation are very    
hard to break1 and since it is by  the  
8calves 7or sacrifice7 of the lips0 that
 we are especially to honor  ,god1 by   
8words fitly spoken10 and that we are to
 8give a reason for the  faith that is  
in us10 it is not of small importance   

that we should know  how to talk4 ,begin
 with the baby1 therefore1 so that the  
child shall  grow up into correct forms 
of speech1 and into that regard of all  
good  form which shall not only give him
 at once the ears1 but the hearts of    
the people4    ,i scarcely need to say1 
,do not use slang1 for this is          
universally  understood as out of       
harmony with ,christian practise2 but   
yet it may not  be amiss to say that    
even the world of society1 whose laws of
 behavior  we are considering1 would    
ostracize one whose language was        
punctuated  with much slang4 ,an oath   
would be more tolerable to so-called    
8polite  ears40    ,money1 or           
prominence1 will for a time give a man  
social passport in  spite of all manner 
of ill-breeding4 ,he can buy a place and
  recognition even from those who       
despise him2 but this is not the sort of
  recognition in the interests of which 
,i am writing4 ,i am pleading for  that 
which shall gain a hearing for the      

custodians of a truth without  which no 
man can live1 and for the reception of  
which few are as yet  prepared4 ,it is  
for the sake of the honest souls who are
 in the darkness  of the world's        
8culture0 that ,i am pleading4 ,they    
have a right to know  all that the      
,spirit of ,god has been sending to his 
people concerning  that all-round       
righteousness that makes up the sum of  
that whole gospel  for the whole man1   
which is included in an uttermost       
salvation2 and  some tongues must be so 
cultured as to talk the way open for    
truth just  as effectually as a wag can 
do it for fun1 a singer open it for a   
song1 or money open it for blind        
boorishness2 and the quiet mother in    
the home must have a large share of this
 work4    ,to this end teach the child  
that he must listen when any other child
  is speaking until he has finished2    
never to interrupt1 or1 if it is        
necessary to give some information1 to  
say1 for instance3 8,i beg your  pardon1

 but1--0 or1 8,willie1 if you please1   
was it not on ,wednesday  instead of    
,tuesday80 ,any interruption simply for 
getting in a word  should never be      
indulged4 ,teach him to wait patiently  
for a fair chance  to speak1 no matter  
how great may be the temptation to      
8thrust in his  oar40 ,this should not  
be construed to include those playful   
interruptions in the merry tangle of    
words which all children delight in     
8once in a while10 8just for fun40      
,teach him to avoid all abrupt forms of 
expression1 such as 8,give me  that60   
8,don't60 8,stop60 8,quit60 8,get out60 
8,you sha'n't60 8,i won't60 ,if  he     
never hears such phrases at home1 he    
will not be apt to catch them2  but if  
he should1 a few little experiences such
 as he would certainly  meet as a man   
upon entering the social world1 with the
 adult equivalents  of these words1     
would teach him that they were very     
unprofitable4 ,let  him find out that he
 can get nothing in that way1 and he    

will begin  intuitively to cultivate his
 tongue to acceptable speech4    ,it is 
not good form to talk at table about the
 physical organs1 or the  processes of  
digestion1 excepting when some special  
occasion should  require1 and then it   
should be by the most delicate          
allusions4 ,the  mention of any form of 
disease1 or of death1 would be          
considered  exceeding bad form2 also any
 malodorous topic of any sort4 ,table   
conversation should be such as to       
inspire every good feeling2  appetizing1
 promotive of good fellowship1          
comradeship1 faith1 hope2  optimistic in
 every sense of the word4 ,the children 
should be taught  that no complaints or 
grievances are to be mentioned there1   
because such  things always have a      
tendency to destroy relish for food1 and
 retard the  process of digestion4 ,a   
chronic grumbler at the table will      
threaten a  whole family with dyspepsia4
 8,let your conversation be seasoned    
with  salt10 is a good injunction2 and  

if the ,scriptural rule is followed at  
home1 the child will grow up capable of 
taking the gospel message  anywhere     
without personal offense1 even if he    
must go into many untried  places4      
,neither will it be necessary for him to
 8premeditate2 but  whatsoever shall be 
given 444 in that hour0 7,mark #ac3aa7  
he shall be  able to speak4    ,i have  
confined myself to the ,form1--a form   
which1 though good1 is  dead1--the      
letter of the social code1 which is at  
best a lifeless  thing1 a burden1 a     
barrier1 often a cause of heart-burning 
jealousy1  wrath1 anger1 adulteries1 and
 every sort of contention4 ,there is    
nothing  so cruel as a quarrel carried  
on under the cloak of good form4 ,the   
bitter sarcasm of a war waged with      
polite words and phrases1 the tones     
keyed to simulate tenderness and love1  
as society requires1 but  breathing of  
hate1 makes a combination in which      
,satan is especially  manifested as in  
nothing else in the world4 ,truly the   

letter killeth4  ,the social code is all
 right1 but1 lacking the ,spirit1 it is 
a rotting  carcass4 ,however1 since it  
was modeled after ,christ1 it requires  
but  that the ,holy ,spirit shall       
breathe life into it to make it an      
instrument  for the accomplishment of   
necessary work in carrying the gospel to
 every  creature4    ,it is manifestly  
better to be filled with the ,spirit    
than covered with  all the forms in the 
world2 but good form1 vitalized1 will   
make any  messenger so ready for any    
good work in any field that he need take
 no  thought how or what he shall speak1
 for it shall be given him the same     
hour4 8,for it is not ye that speak1 but
 the ,spirit of your ,father which      
speaketh in you40 ,matt4 #aj3bj4        
,,xiii4      ,even good form may be made
 too burdensome to be endured1 and it is
 the  privilege of conscientious        
,christian society to strike the happy  
medium  between this oppressive         
formalism and the true kindly life which

 can  cause even the violation of all   
form to be almost unnoticed4    ,it is  
better to have the good life without the
 good form than to have  the good form  
without the good life2 but it is our    
privilege1 and duty  as well1 to have   
both4    ,in treating upon this subject 
it must not be forgotten that there are 
forms and forms4 ,each city aims to be a
 center of social good form for  itself 
and its suburbs4 ,each has its own      
little peculiarities1 as1 for  instance1
 its own manner of using visiting       
cards1--the size1 shape1  turning of the
 corners this way and that as signals2  
all of which differ  according to the   
decree of the social leaders of a great 
center of  social influence2 and yet the
 manners of one city would never be     
considered blunders in any other1       
however much they might differ1         
provided they were sincere1 easy1       
adjustable1 and dainty4 ,it is not1     
however1 considered elegant to ignore   
the customs of the people among  whom   

you may visit4 ,that which your hostess 
considers good form should  be good to  
you while you are her guest1 unless some
 principle is  violated4 ,good form     
requires concessions to even ignorance  
without any  of the                     
8,i-am-more-cultured-than-you0 air4     
,because of this diversity of forms it  
will be manifestly impossible for  any  
one to know just what would be          
considered good form in every detail    
the world over4 ,as in everything else  
which involves principles and  their    
application1 it is true in this1 that if
 you know and appreciate  the           
opportunities1 and keep your eyes open1 
you will be able to avoid  serious      
mistakes4    ,in reply to many questions
 of a miscellaneous character ,i bind a 
little  sheaf of gleanings with which to
 conclude this subject of good form4    
8,when a gentleman friend of the family 
calls1 is it proper for the    wife to  
go on with her work1 and not go to the  
parlor at all to    welcome him1 but to 

leave him to be entirely entertained by 
the    husband8 ,or is it necessary that
 she go to the parlor1 and remain       
during his visit8 ,would it be proper   
for her to leave the room during    his 
visit without asking to be excused80    
,first of all ,i wish to drop the remark
 that the word 8gentleman0 is not  good 
form1 as commonly used4 ,it has been so 
perverted and misused that  it does not 
in these days even mean that for which  
it was first  intended1--a man of       
especially good manners4 ,there are     
8gentlemen of the  cloth10 8gentlemen of
 the turf10 8the gentleman of the road10
 8the  gentleman about town20--all slang
 phrases1 which have brought the word   
into disrepute4 ,the compound word      
8gentleman0 was an effort upon the  part
 of human society to make distinctions  
which the ,creator had refused  to      
recognize4 ,he called man 8,,man40 ,one 
can not be more than a man4             
,furthermore1 the appropriation of the  
word 8gentleman0 by the  8aristocracy10 

the fact that in the social world there 
is a 8gentleman  class10 has made the   
expression inappropriate for universal  
application4  ,instead of speaking of   
your gentleman friend1 speak of your man
 friend4    ,therefore ,i will say in   
reply to my questioner that when a man  
friend  calls upon the husband and      
family it is proper for the wife to     
occupy  herself with some work kept at  
hand for such occasions2 or1 if         
necessary1 after she has greeted him1   
and passed a few minutes  pleasantly in 
conversation1 she may excuse herself1   
and go to her  household duties2 but if 
she can do so1 it is very cordial1 and  
in every  respect good form1 for her to 
take her work1 and with some graceful   
word  of apology1 such as any man would 
appreciate1 go on keeping her hands     
busy1 while she assists in entertaining 
her husband's friend4 ,in leaving  the  
room she should ask to be excused1      
unless the men are so occupied as  to   
make it an interruption to do so4 ,if   

she does not expect to return1  however1
 she should make her adieus1 and invite 
him to call again1  before leaving the  
parlor4        8,is it admissible for a 
lady to keep on with her sewing or      
mending    while she is entertaining a  
caller8 ,can she take some kind of fancy
    work with her while she is visiting 
a friend or neighbor80    ,it is        
perfectly admissible for a woman to keep
 on with her sewing and  mending while  
she is entertaining a caller1 provided  
she speaks of it in  some simple1       
graceful fashion4 ,this is a much better
 means of  manifesting your appreciation
 of a caller than to lay aside necessary
  work and take some fancy article4 ,you
 can even take your mending with  you   
while visiting a friend and neighbor1   
and it will be appreciated  more than   
fancy work4 ,in many localities fancy   
work1 especially for  married women1 has
 fallen into disfavor among even society
 people4 ,there  is a social cult which 
makes much of everything practical4 ,it 

is a  fad2--here to-day1 gone to-morrow2
 but it has prepared the way for even a 
stocking-bag in the boudoir of some     
social queen3 the stockings1 of  course1
 are supposed to be of the very finest  
texture and quality1 and  the darning in
 itself to be a piece of finest lace    
work2 and yet under  the cover of this  
supposition one can take a real         
serviceable hose and  do good1 practical
 work upon it4        8,should the      
hostess offer to take the hat of a      
gentleman caller8 and    where should   
she place it80    ,if he does not at    
once make his hat at home1 she should   
indicate where  he can leave it4 ,it is 
better form for her to suggest that he  
can hang  it upon the hat rack or peg in
 the hall1 or lay it on the table1 if he
  does not seem to know that he can do  
so1 than it would be to take it  from   
him4 ,if he has been properly           
instructed1 as every boy should be at   
home1 he will1 without any effort upon  
her part1 relieve her of the  necessity 

of looking after his hat4 ,but if he    
appears embarrassed by it1  take it at  
once with some pleasant remark          
calculated to set him at ease1  and     
place it where it ought to be4 ,the     
proper place is in the hall1 if  there  
be a hall4 ,lacking this1 any convenient
 place is in order4        8,if a man   
friend happens to call when the husband 
is absent and the    wife alone1 should 
she invite him into the parlor and visit
 with him80    ,such a friend should so 
time his visits as to make reasonably   
sure that  the man of the house would be
 at home1 but if he fails to do so1 it  
is  the better way to inform him when   
the husband will return1 and invite  him
 to call again1 provided this would be  
agreeable to both husband and  wife4 ,it
 is1 however1 bad form to say1 8,come   
again10 when you mean1  8,stay away20   
very bad form for the wife to invite any
 one to call who  would necessarily be  
disagreeable to the man of the house4   
,in these days  of moral contamination  

and prevalent gossip1 good form is a    
conservator  of good morals4 ,even as   
regards the wife's relation to her      
pastor1 if  the husband is not a        
,christian1 and1 as often happens1      
dislikes  ministers as a class1 and     
makes a call anything but pleasant1     
common  politeness requires that all    
pastoral visits shall include the       
husband4        8,where several are     
invited to a dinner1 is it necessary for
 the men to    escort the ladies to the 
table8 or is it better for each to walk 
out    independently80    ,in relation  
to dinner manners1 the hostess is       
expected to decide all  forms for her   
company4 ,if she wishes to make it very 
formal1 she  arranges just what man     
shall take out a certain woman4 ,the    
couples will  be so seated that a man   
and a woman will occupy alternate       
places4 ,every  woman is expected to    
entertain first her own escort1 and then
 to assist  in entertaining the one who 
sits next her on the other side1 and    

also  occasionally to exchange a word   
with the one who sits opposite4 ,it is  
not1 however1 expected that one will    
talk all over the table1 nor that  any  
one voice will command general attention
 until the table is cleared1  and the   
after-dinner program is called4         
8,if two gentlemen with their wives     
should be riding in one carriage1       
would it be proper for the husband and  
wife to be separated1 and each          
gentleman sit with the other man's      
wife80    ,if married couples are riding
 together the most graceful thing is for
  the host and hostess to take a guest  
to entertain2 either for the two  men   
and the two women to sit together1 or   
for the couples to exchange  companions4
 ,it would be an exceedingly ungracious 
act for the host and  hostess to sit    
together during the ride1 thus leaving  
their guests to  each other alone4 ,in  
any country good form requires that     
husbands and  wives should appreciate   
each other enough to consider that they 

are  conferring a favor by giving others
 an opportunity to enjoy their  society2
 and that they should at least seem to  
trust each other to be  friendly to     
other men and women1 even if they       
quarrel about it when they  are alone4  
,the appearance of suspicion is the most
 foul of all bad  forms2 it is1 in fact1
 the very stench from the body of moral 
death4        8,is it proper for a woman
 to call in company with her husband    
upon a    man who lives alone8      8,is
 it proper for a lady to visit a sick   
man who is not a relative80    ,it is   
suitable for a woman to accompany her   
husband anywhere4 ,if the  husband      
intends calling on a man who lives      
alone1 it is a very  neighborly act for 
his wife to accompany him4 ,a feminine  
presence might  brighten the home of a  
social hermit1 and would surely be as a 
benediction to him if he were an        
invalid1 or in trouble4    ,in visiting 
a sick man it would be better for two   
ladies to go together1  provided no     

interested man friend or nurse could    
accompany them4 ,yet  there might be    
cases where it would be necessary1 and  
the only ,christian  thing1 for a woman 
to call alone1 if she must1 and render  
any necessary  care4 ,this should1      
however1 be only in case of necessity4  
,the general  rule should be observed as
 far as possible1 that men should care  
for  men1 and women for women4          
8,when leaving a reception1 dinner1 or  
any private entertainment1    should one
 bid the hostess good night first before
 addressing the    others8 ,or1 if there
 are several ladies belonging to the    
house1 would    it be best to address   
the eldest lady first8 ,i suppose it    
would be the    same when entering the  
house4 ,i would like to know what the   
rules are    in regard to this1 if there
 are any40    ,the hostess takes        
precedence of all other members of the  
household for  the time being4 ,if a    
person is required by circumstances to  
take an  early leave1 and the hostess1  

as is sometimes the case1 be occupied1  
it  is admissible to address others     
first4 ,faultless manners require that  
if  possible your personal arrangements 
should be such that you can  accommodate
 yourself to whatever exigencies may    
arise1 so that without  any stress or   
pressure of any sort1 you can have time 
to wait for an  opportunity to speak    
first to the hostess1 and announce that 
you are  taking your leave4 ,then the   
way is open for any informal            
leave-taking  and preparations which you
 may have to make1 reserving the last   
word for  the host1 at the door1 unless 
indeed1 as sometimes happens1 he stands 
beside his wife at the leave-taking as  
well as the reception4        8,should  
the host offer to entertain the company 
himself with music1 or    should the    
visitors invite him to entertain them80 
,this depends upon the kind of          
entertainment1 the character of his     
visitors1 and the proficiency of the    
host as a musician4 ,if he is really  a 

musician1 and has something which he    
knows would give pleasure to the        
company1 it would be expected that he   
would favor them4 ,a few words of       
introduction1 not of himself1 but of the
 music1 would be appropriate2  but it   
should be done in the most informal and 
unobtrusive manner  possible4           
8,should one recognize and bow to an    
acquaintance when upon the    opposite  
side of the street8 ,if one meets a     
person with whom she is    but slightly 
acquainted and bows1 then meets him     
again after an hour    or so1 is it     
necessary to recognize him and bow      
again8 ,how should a    lady do at the  
second meeting80    ,in chancing to look
 up and recognize a familiar friend upon
 the opposite  side of the street1 a    
slight inclination of the head on the   
part of a  woman is correct2 on the part
 of a man or boy1 touching or lifting   
the  hat2 but a vocal greeting at that  
distance would be bad form4 ,it is not  
necessary to bow every time you meet in 

passing and repassing often  during the 
day1 although some sign of recognition  
is always good2 but  when upon the first
 meeting during the day proper greetings
 have been  duly exchanged1 a slight    
inclination of the head1 a touch of the 
hat1 a  cordial glance is sufficient4   
,more could be made very tiresome if you
  were to meet often while about the    
day's business4        8,is it good form
 to use a toothpick at the table80      
,it is bad form to use a toothpick in   
any but the most private manner4  ,its  
public appearance is always repulsive4  
,it should never be used as an  article 
of table decoration4 ,it is one of those
 necessary articles that  can never be  
suggestive of anything appetizing or    
graceful2 in fact1 its  suggestions are 
wholly of things concerning which one   
should be as  reticent and retired as   
possible4        8,which is the better  
form1--to use the fork in the right     
hand1 leaving    the knife lying upon   
the plate1 or to take the fork in the   

left hand1    and use the knife to push 
the food upon it8 ,in short1 in which   
hand    should the fork properly be     
held1 and what is the office of the     
knife    at the table80    ,the fork    
should always be used in the right hand1
 for cutting1 taking  up1 and conveying 
food to the mouth1 unless one is        
left-handed4 ,in that  case it should be
 used in the left hand4 ,the knife      
should only be used  for cutting what   
can not be cut with the fork1 and when  
not in use1  should lie on the plate4   
,it has a very limited service at the   
table4 ,it  would be very awkward to use
 the knife to push food on to the fork1 
because it is entirely unnecessary4     
8,should brothers and sisters call upon 
each other in their    sleeping-rooms in
 connection with boarding-schools80     
,those who are old enough to go away to 
boarding-school should come under  the  
same regulations in such matters as any 
other men and women must  observe4 ,the 
bedroom is not designed as a            

reception-room4 ,it has  properly only  
one use4 ,if it must for any reason be  
used as a  study-room1 yet the fact that
 it is a bedroom makes it unfit for a   
visiting place4 ,it is furthermore the  
usual rule for two persons to  occupy   
the same room in the school home1 and   
manifestly immodest for  sister or      
brother to intrude upon the privacy of  
these roommates4  ,besides these        
considerations the association of       
brothers and sisters  should be upon the
 same plane of modest deportment as     
between any other  man and woman4 ,this 
should be taught the children in the    
home1 and  practised everywhere1 for the
 purpose of education and training      
preparatory to meeting the conditions   
which exist in the world at large4      
8,under what circumstances is it proper 
for young men and women to    correspond
 with each other8 ,where not allowable1 
give reasons40    ,when a thorough      
acquaintance between a young man and    
woman has developed  into that          

association which points to marriage1   
and when they must  necessarily be      
separated1 correspondence is right4     
,such correspondence  should not1       
however1 be considered too sacred to    
share with father and  mother4 ,anything
 that can not be shared with a good     
parent is dangerous4    ,if there is    
good reason for confidence between the  
young people who are  drawn toward each 
other1 and yet who have had no good     
opportunity to  become thoroughly       
acquainted1 a correspondence for the    
purpose of  acquaintance is admissible1 
although not wholly safe4 ,to correspond
 with  more than one at a time has every
 appearance of evil1 and is too often   
just as evil as it can appear to be4    
,correspondence1 excepting as it  leads 
up to marriage1 should be for business  
only1 as brief and formal  as possible1 
and should stop short when its purpose  
has been served4 ,a  religious          
correspondence between young men and    
women is one of ,satan's  most fruitful 

and profane devices4        8,should    
young ladies at school be permitted to  
receive calls from    young men8 ,if so1
 under what circumstances80    ,there   
should be connected with the young      
women's home of every school a  parlor1 
open and public to all at all times4 ,in
 such an apartment young  ladies in     
school should be able to receive calls1 
under proper  chaperonage and advice    
from those who have them in charge4     
,promiscuous  calling would be bad form1
 and dangerous to reputation4           
8,is it best for young men and young    
women to do missionary work for    each 
other80    ,the only way in which they  
can do missionary work for each other is
 in  each one making of him and herself 
the very best representative of         
everything that is best and truest in   
good manners1 according to the  divine  
model1 and then leave the detail work   
for young men to men1 and  for young    
women to women4 ,any man who must be led
 to ,christ by some  woman1 instead of  

some good1 brotherly man1 can never be  
saved4 ,any  woman who can not be helped
 by some sister woman1 or mother in     
,israel1  can never be helped4          
8,is it proper for a company of young   
people to go out on a camping           
expedition for several days1 even with a
 chaperon80    ,this would depend on the
 character of the company4 ,one chaperon
 would  not be sufficient for a company 
of young men and young women4 ,there    
should be chaperons1--a man for the     
young men1 and a woman for the  young   
women2 and if the company is large1     
there should be a sufficient  number of 
elderly companions to give them all     
necessary protection and  support in the
 enjoyment of the occasion4 ,there could
 be no reason why a  select party of    
young people1 properly accompanied1     
should not enjoy an  outing of this     
description4 ,but in such a case it     
would be not only bad  form1 but        
criminal1 for any young man or woman to 
take advantage of the  occasion to break

 over any of the protective regulations 
upon which all  should agree before     
starting out4 ,common politeness and    
good sense would  lead each to          
co-operate with all to secure the most  
perfect good order  in the camp from    
beginning to end1 by daylight and dark4 
8,is it proper for young people to take 
moonlight rides together80    ,a        
moonlight ride for a company of young   
people1 accompanied by fathers  and     
mothers1 or teachers1 or suitable       
friends of mature age1 would  certainly 
be proper and enjoyable4 ,under no other
 circumstances4        8,what would you 
say to a young man who would stand      
around and talk    with a young woman   
while she is at work80    ,that he was  
indulging in a very rustic and childish 
procedure1 impolite  in the highest     
degree1 necessarily hindering and       
prolonging the work of  the young woman1
 and perhaps complicating all the       
affairs of the day4  ,what would ,i say 
to him8--,that he had better go and     

finish his work while  ,i finish mine1  
and then if he has really anything to   
say1 come to the  family sitting-room1  
at some suitable time1 and we will talk 
it over4        8,what is the best way  
for a woman to meet indecent remarks or 
actions    from a man8 ,should she      
#8scorch' him1 or slap him in the face80
    ,neither4 ,to take the slightest    
notice of him or of his remarks is to   
give the man the advantage4 ,at such a  
time as this rudeness would not be  good
 form4 ,the only safe course would be to
 ignore him as you would the  buzz of   
the locust in the tree1 or the sound of 
the cable along the  track of the car   
line4 ,you are obliged to be conscious  
of its presence1  but you go on your    
way1 just the same1 and let it buzz or  
roar4 ,whatever  such a fellow may say  
or do1 never turn your eyes one hair's  
breadth4  ,allow him to wonder if you   
are really blind and deaf4 ,a word or   
act of  even protest would give him a   
chance to reply4 ,one word would call   

for  another1 and no one could possibly 
forecast where it would end4            
8,what can be done with students who    
will not listen to the advice of        
teachers upon questions of proper       
behavior1 who will not believe what     
is told them about the character of     
those with whom they are                
associating80    ,unless it is a reform 
school1 the only thing would be to send 
them home4        8,when it is known    
that a young man or young woman in      
school is impure    in thought1         
language1 and habit1 what is the duty of
 those in    authority in the matter80  
,it is impossible for any one to know   
the thoughts of any other being1 so  as 
to judge of their intrinsic character4  
,the language and habits1 when  judged  
from your standpoint1 may be impure1 but
 they may be really only  the result of 
wrong methods and circumstances over    
which the child has  no control1 and for
 which he is not at all responsible4 ,in
 manner and  habit he may be vile1 and  

yet be no more responsible as far as    
thought  and motive is concerned than he
 would be for having the measles4 ,he   
has  simply been exposed1 caught it1 and
 needs to be cured4 ,but whatever the   
thought and inner life may be1 if his   
language and habits in the school       
association are on the impure level1 the
 pupil should certainly be kept  in     
quarantine at home1 unless the school is
 like a hospital prepared to  take the  
case1 and give the treatment that will  
lead to mental and moral  health4       
8,in what respect does the relation of  
those in charge of a school home        
differ from that of the parents80    ,in
 responsibility1 during the school term1
 there is no difference4 ,in  point of  
privilege the parent has greatly the    
advantage1 as he alone is  capable of   
understanding the secrets which may be  
locked away1 in the  breast of the      
child1 from any possible discovery by   
the teacher4 ,the  responsibility of    
parents1 however1 never ends1 while that

 of the  teacher is limited to the hours
 in the school1 and the school term4    
,the  parents' responsibility covers the
 whole life1 and can never be           
transferred4        8,is it good form   
for students in their work to eat bits  
of food from    the dishes they are     
handling80    ,it is not only bad form1 
but a very disgusting practise for any  
one to  pick up things lying about on   
plates1 table1 in cupboards1 or on fruit
  stands1 public or private1 and put    
them into the mouth4 ,the only  suitable
 place for eating is at the table1 the  
picnic basket1 or the  traveling lunch  
box1 and that at the meal-time4 ,the    
habit of nibbling is  also productive of
 many very troublesome forms of disease4
 ,good form  requires that one should be
 as neat and tidy in the necessary      
handling  and preparing of food as in   
presiding at or enjoying a banquet4     
8,is it good form for a gentleman to put
 on a lady's skates80    ,any woman who 
is able to skate is able to fasten her  

own skates1 and  should feel a womanly  
contempt for that childish form of      
incapacity that  would make her willing 
to receive that kind of attention from  
any man4  ,the corseted woman1 trussed  
like a fowl1 can not get down to her    
feet so  as to put on a pair of skates2 
but neither can she skate enough to make
  it worth while to take note of her    
efforts4 ,of course she must have a  man
 to perform this puerile service for    
her4        8,what is the proper form of
 accepting or declining invitations to  
receptions1 weddings1 graduations1 etc48
 ,should an acceptance or    refusal of 
such an invitation be accompanied by a  
gift8 ,if so1 what is    the most       
appropriate1 and the best form in which 
to give it80    ,the above questions can
 all be answered upon the same          
principle4 ,the  formula of             
acknowledging invitations to receptions 
differs as widely as  the style of      
cards2 but the very best 8good form0 is 
for each invited  guest in her own      

natural manner1 in a personal1 kindly   
note1 to either  accept1 or express     
regrets at not being able to attend4    
,books on  etiquette give an assortment 
of styles varying in degrees of         
stiffness1  which you can copy if you   
wish1 but they are the most ungraceful  
relics  of dead form on record4         
,concerning weddings3 in many circles it
 is supposed that a response to a       
wedding invitation must necessarily     
include a wedding gift2 but to  assume  
that such an event is the occasion of   
soliciting silverware1  dry-goods1 and  
furniture is one of the very worst of   
all bad forms4 ,the  wedding gift has   
become one of the most troublesome      
expressions of  social hypocrisy4 ,if it
 could be possible to abolish it1 and   
give  society a chance to go back to the
 simple habits of fifty years ago1 it   
would be a blessing indeed4 ,it is a    
misfortune to a young couple to  receive
 even one gift that either for its      
pretended or real value would  make the 

simple style in which they will         
doubtless be obliged to begin  life seem
 mean4 ,flowers or books are the most   
suitable things to bring  to a wedding1 
and even flowers may be so profuse as to
 become vulgar4  ,this does not of      
course include those gifts that would   
naturally be made  by the family for the
 purpose of giving the young couple 8a  
start in  life40        8,what are the  
proper conditions and forms upon which  
introductions    should take place80    
,good form requires that no man shall   
address a lady without an  introduction1
 unless it be in a case of extreme      
necessity4 ,an  emergency1 for the time 
being1 nullifies all ceremony2 but after
 the  emergency is passed1 the informal 
acquaintance should be ended4 ,every    
boy should be so taught in the home that
 as he grows up1 and goes out  into the 
world1 he will not offend against good  
form1 and bring himself  under suspicion
 by intruding upon the notice of any    
young woman whom he  may happen to      

fancy1 without the formality of an      
introduction by some  one of whom he    
will have no reason to be ashamed4      
,good form requires that the            
introduction of any two persons should  
be by  the desire of both4 ,the         
slightest objection upon the part of    
either  would make the introduction a   
gross intrusion4 ,the reasons for this  
are  obvious4 ,society has seen that    
after the introduction1 anything may    
follow1 and the only chance for a young 
woman to protect herself from           
undesirable and dangerous association1  
may be in the rigid enforcement  of this
 simple rule of rights4 ,the proper form
 of introduction is that  which is most 
easy and graceful in manner for the one 
who is to do the  introducing4 ,as in   
everything else1 individuality should be
 given a  chance2 the spirit and manner 
carries much more weight than the words4
  ,always1 however1 the person who is to
 be in any way advantaged by the        
introduction1 favored either in pleasure

 or profit1 is the one who is to  be    
presented to the other4 ,for instance1  
,mr4 ,lane has seen ,miss ,mason1  and  
has recognized her as one whose         
acquaintance he would enjoy4 ,he asks  a
 mutual friend to secure the privilege  
of this introduction2 ,miss ,mason  has 
been asked the favor with the assumption
 that it will be entirely  for ,mr4     
,lane's advantage and pleasure4 ,miss   
,mason is gracious1 and  consents to    
grant the request4 ,mr4 ,lane is        
therefore brought to the  place where   
the young lady is waiting4 ,never should
 a person who is to  receive another be 
asked to come to be introduced4 ,bring  
the candidate  for this social favor1 to
 the one of whom it has been asked1 and 
upon  approaching1 you will say1 8,miss 
,mason1 allow me the pleasure of        
presenting ,mr4 ,lane4 ,mr4 ,lane1 ,miss
 ,mason10 upon which ,miss ,mason will  
bow slightly1 ,mr4 ,lane a little more  
noticeably4 ,they will not shake  hands1
 but will stand1 or perhaps be seated1  

and converse for a few  moments1 when   
,mr4 ,lane will take his leave1 if he   
knows what is good for  him1 and wait   
for some further recognition from ,miss 
,mason4    ,among very intimate friends1
 where it is well known that an         
acquaintance  would certainly be a      
mutual pleasure and benefit1 this       
formula is not  always necessary4 ,i    
have been giving the strict social      
good-form code1  which is for protection
 against annoyances4 ,it would be an    
unfortunate  social misdemeanor for any 
person to make the second effort to     
receive  an introduction which has been 
once declined1 without some advances    
from  the person who had made the       
refusal4    ,when a young man desires to
 cultivate the acquaintance of a young  
woman1  good form requires that before  
he utters a word1 he shall frankly      
inform  her parents of his wishes1 and  
ask their consent4 ,and this is right2  
and even if their decision is against   
him1 a young man who is worthy of  a    

wife will have that regard for the      
rights of the parent which will  make   
him careful how he ruthlessly breaks    
into the family circle4 ,he  will give  
himself time and opportunity to win the 
parents1 before he  disturbs the mind of
 the daughter4 ,the observance of good  
form in such  matters will bring a      
blessing1 and save unspeakable trouble1 
even if it  should require what seems to
 the heart of a youth a great deal of   
unreasonable delay4        8,after the  
introduction should the mutual friend   
leave1 or remain and    lead out in     
conversation80    ,after the            
introduction the newly made             
acquaintances may or may not be  left to
 their own devices in following up the  
introduction4 ,this  introduction does  
not under any circumstances bind the    
young woman to  any future recognition  
of the person who has been introduced to
 her4 ,she  may ruthlessly ignore him   
the next time she meets him without any 
violation of good form1 it being        

supposed that she has sufficient reason 
for doing so1 and he will have no       
occasion to complain4 ,he must accept   
the fact that he has had all that he can
 receive of pleasure or profit  from    
this acquaintance1 and be satisfied with
 it1 unless he can by some  means so    
bring himself in some manly way to the  
notice of this young  woman that she    
shall indicate her wish to continue the 
acquaintance4        8,what is good form
 in dress for an evening reception for  
both men and    women8 ,should gloves be
 worn80    ,for a formal reception1     
society requires that a man should wear 
black4  ,if the host wears gloves1 the  
men should do so4 ,if the hostess only  
wears gloves1 only the women wear       
gloves4 ,at a wedding the bride         
determines whether gloves shall be worn4
 ,it would be very bad form to  wear    
gloves if the bride's hands were bare4  
,the fashion changes with  reference to 
what is suitable for both men and women1
 but as a rule what  is known as the    

cutaway coat for men1 with a white      
necktie1 makes an  evening dress for any
 occasion4 ,it need not necessarily be  
of expensive  material4 ,a great variety
 is admissible in women's costume at a  
reception4 ,if she chooses to wear her  
bonnet1 she may also wear a simple      
tailor-made gown1 of very plain style   
and color1 a traveling dress1 or  even  
an ordinary street dress2 or she may be 
arrayed like the veriest  butterfly in  
all the colors of the rainbow1 and still
 preserve unbroken  the rules of good   
form in dress according to the social   
code4 ,but the  plainer style is        
unquestionably the better form in every 
sense of the  word4 ,this is a social   
concession to the conscientious         
,christian element  in social life1 and 
an effort to retain it2 and the more    
truly people  carry conscience into     
dress1 as well as the more they         
cultivate every  true ,christian grace1 
the more they are appreciated even by   
those who  give time and thought to what

 seems to be frivolous in custom and    
costume4        8,how shall one         
cultivate the art of conversation80     
,first of all by conversing4 ,but to    
talk one must know and think4  ,select  
some theme of general interest and      
importance1 inform yourself  concerning 
it1 then train your mind to methodical  
handling of it2 think  it over in       
colloquial form2 talk about it to the   
home folks1 study the  dictionary for a 
vocabulary1 and use what you find4 ,it  
is a good thing  to have several words  
at your tongue's end which mean the same
 thing1 or  nearly so2 but it is very   
bad form to 8talk book40 ,you can fill  
yourself with the book1 but when it     
comes to expressing yourself in         
conversation1 talk talk1--common        
language1 pure and simple1 short words  
such as even a child can understand4    
,the best conversationalist is one who  
by saying but little himself 7that      
little choice1 clear1 and true7 can draw
 others out to a free expression  of    

their thoughts1 making even the slow and
 stammering to feel 8at  home40    ,it  
is bad form to take advantage of a      
social opportunity to air any  private  
opinions that must necessarily arouse   
opposition and  controversy4            
,conversation should be like a          
refreshing stream1 holding  all truth in
 solution in such form that it shall be 
recognized as sweet  waters1 at which   
the thirsty soul may find refreshment4  
,the truth which  it contains can be    
trusted to do its work in thought and   
life1 as the  iron and magnesia may on  
blood and tissue4        8,what is the  
difference between good form1 etiquette1
 and ethics80    ,good form contains the
 bare principle1 etiquette applies the  
principle1  and ethics brings conscience
 into the practise of it4 ,it is        
possible  for etiquette to violate every
 principle of both good form and ethics2
  but good form and ethics will always  
agree when they understand each  other1 
and will make a safe environment in     

which any child1 youth1 man1  or woman  
may live1 love1 and labor4    ,nowhere  
is the observance of good form more     
necessary than during a  journey4 ,it is
 especially a safeguard to the young and
 inexperienced  against the designing   
and vicious4    ,the rule is that the   
traveling dress should be of the most   
unobtrusive  character1 of some neutral 
color1 with no showy embellishments on  
hat or  gown1 something which can be    
readily shaken or brushed free of dust2 
and  that every movement should be such 
as to avoid attracting attention2  that 
no acquaintance should be formed with   
strangers1 unless it be under           
circumstances that could admit of no    
possible question4    ,it is bad form to
 stand and look about in a waiting-room1
 or to  promenade the platform1 to turn 
the head and gaze at people1 or to ask  
questions of any but officials4 ,these  
things1 trivial as they may seem1       
carefully observed1 help to keep a hedge
 of safety about the young woman  or boy

 who is obliged to travel alone1 while  
only a slight departure  from these     
rules will often open the way for       
annoyance1 and even dangers  such as we 
can not discuss in these pages4    ,in  
the matter of asking questions1 the     
prospective traveler should  inform     
herself concerning everything she will  
need to know of her route1  etc41 as    
thoroughly as possible1 before she      
starts1 so as to make  questioning      
unnecessary4 ,it is dangerous to depend 
even upon men in  uniform for           
information beyond certain narrow       
limits4 ,do not expect a  local ticket  
agent1 nor yet a railroad conductor1    
brakeman1 or ,pullman  car porter to    
know what every passenger may need to   
know in order to  reach his destination4
    ,the man in uniform is responsible  
for knowing one or two things and       
seeing that his own end of the work is  
kept well in hand4 ,beyond that he  has 
no official responsibility1 and is often
 as likely to abuse  confidence1 and    

betray trusting ignorance1 as any other 
man4    ,if you are a young girl        
traveling alone1 compelled to make a    
transfer  across the city1 never take a 
carriage or cab1 but the common public  
omnibus4 ,if you have a tedious wait    
before you1 do not try to relieve it  by
 sauntering about the depot or street1  
or any public places4 ,settle  yourself 
down with determination to patiently and
 quietly endure in the  depot1 unless   
you know some suitable place to which   
you can go and  spend the time4 ,do not 
ask1 receive1 or act upon any advice    
from any  strangers as to hotels1 or any
 other places where you could spend the 
hours more comfortably4 ,accept no      
invitations excepting from well-known   
friends1 and even then not to any       
ice-cream parlors or restaurants4       
,nothing short of a family invitation to
 some good home should turn you  for a  
moment from your purpose to keep closely
 to the line of travel1  and endure     
hardness with good practical common     

sense4    ,children should be taught in 
the regular routine of home life how to 
entertain and how to be entertained2 how
 to avoid the necessity of  putting on  
8company manners0 by always in all      
relations of life  observing those      
principles of politeness which are      
summed up in the  gospel as expressed in
 that law of liberty known as the       
,golden ,rule4    ,as a hostess1 do not 
overload your guest with attention4     
,nothing is more  wearisome than to be  
compelled to ward off continual         
intrusive efforts  to make you happy and
 comfortable as a guest4 ,see that all  
necessary  provision is made for your   
guest before arrival1 that water for    
drinking  and bathing1 with glasses and 
towels1 are in her room in readiness4   
,take  your guest at once to the room   
appointed without stopping for          
introductions or greetings2 inquire if  
anything further is needed2 state  the  
hour of meals1 and any other regulations
 which must in any manner  concern a    

transient member of your household2     
arrange to return in a  half-hour to    
lead the way to the family room for     
greetings and  introductions1 and then  
withdraw1 leaving the coast clear for   
such  attention to personal comfort as  
is always needed even after a short     
journey4    ,there may be degrees of    
intimacy that would seem to naturally   
modify  these good-form requirements1   
but it would be perfectly safe to hold  
yourself to them1 even if the guest were
 your own mother1 sister1 or  brother4  
,if your guest is to make a long visit1 
everything like effort  to secure his   
comfort should be kept out of sight4 ,in
 fact1 all  arrangements should be made 
so as to make the visit a pleasure to   
all  concerned2 and this can only be    
done by taking him into the home life1  
and going on just the same in everything
 as if you were alone as a  family4     
,an invitation to a friend to visit you 
should be for a definite time1  and     
should not upon any account be extended 

unless you heartily desire  it4 ,not a  
word or hint should be dropped out of   
so-called politeness1  which1 if taken  
literally1 would stay his departure one 
hour after the  time limit has been     
reached4 ,the sort of hypocrisy that    
would say1 8,o  don't hurry off just    
yet10 when you feel in your heart that  
you can not  conveniently have the visit
 prolonged1 is very bad form1 indeed1   
and a  grievous wrong to your friend4   
,as a guest1 one should at once fall    
into the regular order of the family    
life as nearly as it is possible to do  
so1 avoiding everything that  would add 
to labor for hostess or servants4    ,a 
guest should give no orders to children 
or servants4 ,all requests  should be   
made of host or hostess1 and left for   
them to pass on as they  shall see fit4 
,good form requires that the guest shall
 be blind and deaf  to any unpleasant   
episodes that may occur1 taking no part 
in any  disputes from the children up1  
and that at any moment when his presence

  could prove an embarrassment1 he will 
find it necessary to retire to his      
room1 take a stroll in the wood or      
field1 or a 8day off0 in town2 and  then
 when the time limit for which his visit
 was planned has been  reached1 he will 
take his departure1 no matter how warmly
 he may be  urged 8not to hurry40       
,give neither money nor eatables to the 
children4 ,make no plans which  include 
them without first consulting host and  
hostess4 ,in fact1 the  guest should    
propose nothing1 plan nothing4 ,this    
should all be left to  host and hostess4
 ,he should make of his presence a      
pleasure to all1  which will leave      
nothing more to be desired4 ,let him    
find his place in  the domestic economy 
for the time being1 and fill it in just 
as helpful  a manner as possible1       
remembering that here it is as true as  
it can be  anywhere in the world1 that  
he who abases himself shall be exalted1 
and  he who seeks the most for others1  
finds the most for himself4             

,,xiv4      ,for public teachers1 and   
especially those who are in preparation 
for  such work1 this little book has a  
special message4 ,the world will not    
suffer long nor be kind to any exponent 
of truth who offends in platform        
etiquette1 or in home courtesy4         
,accordingly1 ,i would urge my young    
fellow laborers to eschew everything in 
manner which could produce  dislike or  
disgust in the most critical1 for that  
most critical may be  the very soul to  
whom you are sent4    ,as brethren in   
council together1 cultivate only those  
things that can be  used anywhere in an 
uncharitable world4 ,do not allow       
anything to become  habitual that will  
call attention to any part of the body  
or clothing4  ,never finger the watch   
guard1 coat buttons1 nor the features of
 the  face4 ,unfortunate practices of   
this nature have nullified the effect of
  many a sermon4 ,many a young man has  
made a farce of his testimony for       
,christ because he stood twirling his   

mustache2 and many a ,sabbath-school    
teacher has failed to hold her pupils to
 the truth because her hat was  filled  
with nodding plumes1 flowers1 or an     
elaborate tangle of ribbon4    ,good    
form insists that any ,sabbath display  
is vulgar1 so that the woman  of genuine
 social position will leave the         
elaborate church toilet to her          
servants1 while she goes in the plainest
 of modest apparel to the house  of     
,god4    ,one great misfortune to both  
home and church is that good form has   
been  considered a sort of parade dress1
 to be laid off with the 8company0      
clothes4 ,the home folks have been      
compelled to tolerate anything from     
each other1 upon the supposition that   
nothing matters at home2 when the  fact 
is that there everything in dress and   
conversation matters more  than in any  
other spot on earth4    ,the home dress 
should be such as would be respectable  
if the wearer were  called out by some  
emergency1 with no time to change4      

,good form condemns the 8,mother        
,hubbard10 and with good reason3 ,its   
origin was infamous1 its suggestions are
 such that the woman who wears  it can  
not command the same respect from even  
her own family as though  she were      
clothed with a modest garment4          
,society can and will reject the        
presence of one who is rude in speech or
  conduct1 and in this has the advantage
 of the home2 but the person who        
practices good form in society1 and by a
 sullen1 fault-finding1 or  untidy      
manner at home flatly contradicts every 
pretense of refinement1  shall surely   
have his reward in the covert contempt  
of even those who  love him2 while any1 
however untrained in the arts of 8polite
 society10  who shall practice those    
graces that make ordinary duties        
fragrant and  sweet with the good       
manners of heaven1 will be accepted     
anywhere by any  to whom he can be sent 
with a message4 ,any awkwardness that a 
man may do  will be pardoned beforehand 

for the sake of the beautiful spirit he 
is  by the grace of ,god4    ,and yet it
 is well to make it just as hard as     
possible for the world to  reject you1  
and just as easy as possible for it to  
accept your message4    ,all of which is
 written for the glory of our ,lord1 and
 to the end that  the truth may be      
carried to every creature4        ,the  
,abiding ,spirit1 by ,mrs4 ,s4 ,m4 ,i4  
,henry4 8,this book deals with the      
presence1 power1 and ministry of the    
,holy ,spirit as manifested in the      
most common material things1 and as     
needed for the performance of the       
most simple duties4444 ,it is safe to   
say that the larger proportion of       
common religious perplexities are       
touched upon in this book2 and the      
way opened for light upon their         
darkness40--,the ,union ,signal1        
,chicago4      8,the author takes high  
ground1 and maintains her position      
well40--,alabama ,cumberland            
,presbyterian4          #caf pages1     

cloth4                                  
#dj cts4        ,beautiful presentation 
edition4                       #ge cts4 
,address the ,publishers of 8,good      
,form40                                 
,transcriber's ,notes      --,silently  
corrected a few typos4    --,retained   
publication information from the printed
 edition3 this e,book    is             
public-domain in the country of         
publication4    --,in the text versions 
only1 text in italics is delimited by   
underscores4