,note3 ,images of the original pages are available through ,internet ,archive4 ,see https3_/_/archive4org_/details_/ontraini ngofpare#jj;abborich ,,on ,,the ,,training ,,of ,,parents by ,,ernest ,,hamlin ,,abbott ,and they shall live with their children4 ,illustration3 ,logo ,boston and ,new ,york ,houghton ,mifflin ,company ,the ,riverside ,press ,cambridge ,copyright #aijh by ,ernest ,hamlin ,abbott ,all ,rights ,reserved ,published ,april #aijh ,tenth ,impression ,no man has the right to dedicate to another what is not his own4 ,all that is mine in this little book is its infelicities4 ,these ,i dedicate to oblivion4 ,the rest belongs to those two women from whom ,i1 as son and as husband1 have learned all that ,i know of the training of parents4 ,,contents ,i4 ,,spasm ,,and ,,habit #a ,,ii4 ,,the ,,will ,,and ,,the ,,way #ai ,,iii4 ,,by ,,rule ,,of ,,wit #dj ,,iv4 ,,peace ,,at ,a ,,price #gb ,v4 ,,for ',,tis ,,their ,,nature ,,to #ic ,,vi4 ,,the ,,beginning ,,of ,,wisdom #aad ,,on ,,the ,,training ,,of ,,parents ,i ,,spasm ,,and ,,habit ,a voice like a knife cut the still1 warm air4 ,now you just go right down and get that canned salmon4 ,i turned my head and saw a little girl1 in a fluffy dress with a skirt like a parachute1 standing in the midst of the long grass4 ,she was evidently frightened and hesitating4 ,there was a whimper and a whining protest4 ,a young woman in a wrapper1 with a menacing switch in her hand1 was advancing4 ,her voice grew sharper3 ,you do what ,i say1 quick1 or ,i'll whip you good6 ,the child beat a retreat toward me2 then timidly stood her ground4 ,it's so far6 she wailed4 ,the enemy again approached2 but the little feet of the child were nimble enough to keep her at a safe distance4 ,if you don't hurry1 ,i'll whip you anyway4 ,fear of the switch was evidently mastering the dislike of the task4 ,the little girl burst out crying1 turned down the dusty road1 and disappeared in the direction of the village4 ,that incident was the result of government by collision4 ,if that mother had any principle at all1 it might be expressed thus3 ,wait till the child does wrong1 then collide with her4 ,of course none of us would deliberately collide in just this fashion4 ,we should not be so vulgar4 ,when we have an altercation with a child1 we choose less publicity and have some regard for refinement of phrase4 ,perhaps1 too1 we ordinarily avoid altercation entirely except concerning some grave matter4 ,we should prefer to do without canned salmon rather than exhibit our impotence and our temper before the neighbors4 ,when1 however1 we have the child in seclusion at our mercy1 are we deterred from trying the collision method by any considerations of principle8 ,if not1 we belong to the same school of parents as the young woman in a wrapper4 ,the only difference is that we have not her courage of conviction--or of indolence4 ,now1 those who believe in government by collision need read no further2 for ,i shall assume that such government is only just better than no government at all1 and that1 if we fall into its methods1 we do so by accident or because of the frailty of our temper2 that every altercation with a child is a confession of weakness2 and that our principal task is to train ourselves so that we may be able to govern a child without colliding with him4 ,of course1 in the training of children1 as in managing a railway1 it may sometimes be necessary to occasion a disaster in order to avoid a great catastrophe4 ,if a freight car is running wild down a grade1 it is better to throw it off the track than to allow it to smash a loaded passenger train4 ,so it may sometimes be better to let a child collide with you1 rather than have him collide with the community4 ,but in both cases it is better to have the collision well planned1 to recognize it as a disaster1 though the lesser of two possible ones1 and1 best of all1 to prevent any occasion of resorting to destructive measures4 ,the only alternative ,i know to government by collision is government by habit4 ,to show what ,i mean1 may ,i cite an instance in contrast to the episode of the switch and the canned salmon8 ,that same summer a small boy1 six years old1 was playing with his blocks4 ,his mother in the next room suddenly realized that she had not ordered the fruit that was needed for the household4 ,max6 she called4 ,now ,max is no prig1 but he had learned that he was expected to come when called2 so1 with an injunction to his playmates not to disturb the bridge he was building1 he appeared at the doorway4 ,what is it8 7,he ought to have said1 ,yes1 mamma2 but1 as ,i have remarked1 ,max is thoroughly human47 ,i want you to do an errand for me--something you've never done before4 ,i want you to go to the grocery and get six oranges4 ,max started off4 ,wait a moment4 ,you've never gone alone on such a long errand before4 ,do you believe you can do it quickly1 and not dawdle8 ,max thought he could1 and in fact did the errand as promptly as could be expected4 ,he had been accustomed to obedience2 in addition1 he had become accustomed to accepting some measure of responsibility4 ,the mother controlled him1 not by violence1 but by habit4 ,the occurrence was the result of a long process1 and became in turn a cause of future occurrences of similar character4 ,reduced to its simplest terms1 then1 the process of training children is the process of forming habits4 ,the earliest habits are physical4 ,the whole duty of man during the first few weeks of his existence consists in feeding and sleeping regularly2 and most of the rights of man during that period consist in being let alone4 ,listen to the eminent ,french psychologist1 ,th4 ,ribot3 ,the new-born infant is a spinal being1 with an unformed1 diffluent brain1 composed largely of water4 ,reflex life itself is not complete in him1 and the cortico-motor system only hinted at2 the sensory centres are undifferentiated1 the associational systems remain isolated1 for a long time after birth4 ,doesn't it make you shudder to think of dandling such a creature as that on a hard-gaited knee8 ,does not that unformed1 diffluent brain1 composed largely of water1 plead to be let alone8 ,yet the impulse of most parents when they encounter their new possession is to do something to it1--to take it up1 to carry it about1 and1 as soon as its eyes are really open1 to try and show it things1 to evoke from it some kind of human expression4 ,it seems as if we were all beset by a doubt that our offspring is really a creature of our own kind1 and that we were bound to make it establish1 by some proof1 its right to a place at the top of creation4 ,now1 the instincts of the infant are all in other directions4 ,yielding to these1 the mite seems to be utterly indifferent to the honors of its station in animal life1 and even to the attention it receives4 ,it wants to cry occasionally1 to feed periodically1 and to sleep a great deal4 ,and1 in spite of our experience1 we are wrong1 and the diminutive thing1 with a cortico-motor system only hinted at1 with sensory centres undifferentiated1 and with the extraordinary disadvantage of having completely isolated associational centres1 is right4 ,the first habits1 therefore1 which the parents have to form in the training of their child are their own2 and the most important of these is the habit of non-interference1 which is another name for the habit of self-restraint4 ,fortunately1 we parents can at the outset devote our attention chiefly to this for several months4 ,if we wish to avoid1 in later years1 the necessity for resorting to government by spasm1 and to establish instead government by habit1 we do not have to begin by experimenting on a helpless child2 we can begin1 fortunately1 by experimenting on ourselves4 ,it is during this period that we have the best chance of learning the difference between governing children and interfering with them2 for though that midget will not thrive under interference1 he will thrive under government4 ,he does not need to be told what to do1 but he does depend on us to teach him when to do it4 ,while1 therefore1 we are forming in ourselves the habit of non-interference1 we are also forming in him the habit of regularity4 ,if we begin that way1 we save both him and ourselves a great deal of trouble4 ,one mother1 for instance1 when she hears her baby cry1 runs to him1 picks him up1 dances him up and down1 offers him food1 dangles a bell in front of him1 talks to him1 takes him to the window1 tries every imaginable device to quiet him4 ,it's wicked1 ,i think1 says she1 to try to stifle my maternal instincts4 ,the poor little dear6 how could ,i be so cruel as not to respond to his cry for me8 ,she is assuming several things4 ,she assumes1 first1 that the baby is crying for her1 whereas he is probably crying because he needs the exercise4 ,that is the only way he can expand his lungs4 ,when he cries because of pain1 or anger1 or nervous irritability1 the cry will be unmistakable2 and the response ought to be1 not a wild series of spasms1 but an intelligent treatment of the cause4 ,she assumes1 in the second place1 that the impulse to rid herself of the annoyance of hearing the cry is a maternal instinct4 ,if that were so1 a lot of gruff old bachelors on railway trains are frequently moved by maternal instinct4 ,the maternal instinct1 in fact1 is something quite different--it is the instinct of care1 watchfulness1 nurture1 and it does not call for spasms4 ,in the third place1 she assumes that it would be cruel not to experiment with her child--at least so it appears2 for what she does is to try in quick succession a series of experiments1 no one of which is continued long enough to be of any value1 and all of which1 as she might easily learn1 have been proved to be of no permanent value in producing placid1 contented babies4 ,the other mother1 when she hears the cry1 listens4 ,if it is a cry of pain1 she knows it in an instant4 ,it is amazing how quickly a mother learns that language4 ,it is a mystery to most men1 though even to them not unsearchable4 ,physicians1 after experience in children's wards1 understand it2 and even a father1 if he is patient1 can acquire a moderate knowledge of it4 ,but a mother1 or even a nurse1 if she is moved by a genuine maternal instinct and not by a selfish desire for her own comfort1 is almost an adept at the start4 ,at the cry of pain1 that mother in a moment is looking for the misplaced pin1 or rearranging the irritating bit of clothing1 or remedying the uncomfortable position1 or searching for a more hidden cause4 ,if it is a cry of irritability1 she blames herself for having rocked the child a few moments before1 and steels herself against repeating the indulgence4 ,if it is a cry of hunger1 she looks at the clock to see if it is the hour for another feeding4 ,if it is just plain cry1 she smiles1 for she knows that he is doing that in lieu of playing baseball or riding horseback4 ,when it is meal-time1 she1 exercising the discretion which he is not always able to exercise for himself1 gently withdraws the food supply when he has had all that is good for him4 ,and when it is time for him to go to sleep1 she arranges him comfortably in his crib1 darkens the room1 and leaves him4 ,if then he emits another plain cry1 she is not disturbed4 ,he has as much a right to cry as he has to sleep4 ,if she lets him go to sleep in her arms1 for the love of feeling him there1 she will not complain later1 when it is more inconvenient1 if he remonstrates against going to sleep in any other way4 ,she will know that in that respect1 as in respect to his regular feeding1 she has governed him by habit4 ,either she will have to pay the penalty of having established in her kingdom an inconvenient law1 or else she will have to inflict upon him1 as well as herself1 the penalty of establishing later1 and at greater cost1 another and more convenient custom which might just as well have been established in the first place4 ,this penalty may involve a collision--though possibly a mild one4 ,even in that case1 however1 in the very difficulty of supplanting an old custom by a new one1 she will have evidence of the strength of her government by habit4 ,there is no reason why regularity once established should not become for all future years a routine4 ,we all know how hard it is to break up a bad habit4 ,happily1 it is just as hard to break up a good one4 ,the difference between the child who teases for every new variety of food on the table1 pushes away the dishes that are set before him1 whines when he is told it is bedtime1 eats and goes to sleep only after much coaxing1 and the child who accepts his food and his hours for sleep as a matter of course1 as he accepts the house he lives in1 is simply the difference between a bad habit and a good one4 ,it is no easier to change the one habit than it is the other4 ,after a child has learned to get his food and go to bed with whining and teasing1 it is very difficult for him to learn to eat and sleep in any other fashion2 it is equally difficult for a child who has learned to eat and enjoy food adapted to him1 and to go to bed at a suitable hour1 to understand why all sorts of strange decoctions should be offered to him1 and why he should not get undressed when his bedtime comes4 ,of course the spirit of adventure1 which is strong in most normal children1 will lead them sometimes to sample some things that they see their elders--or1 for that matter1 the animals--eating2 and to race about the halls1 exploring the domain of the dark1 after they are supposed to be asleep2 but even this spirit of adventure1 which sometimes brings discouragement to the mother1 is a tribute to regular life2 and it is denied to those children whose whole life consists in a series of parental experiments4 ,the little lad who at a children's party declines the sweetmeats is no angel4 ,nor is his companion1 who grabs the dainties an imp4 ,they are both1 like the rest of us1 creatures of habit4 ,the theory of total depravity1 by which our forefathers explained the unpleasant doings of youngsters1 is1 ,i have concluded1 a doctrine which parents devised in order to shift the burden of their own failures to the shoulders of their offspring4 ,this practice of regularity in the physical care of children#a will lay the foundation1 not only of health and contentment1 but also of moral discipline4 ,when we have eliminated the opportunities for collision with our children at meal-times and bedtime1 we are well on our way toward eliminating government by collision altogether4 ,the quiet exercise of authority involved in carrying out a simple regimen of diet and of rest will almost automatically extend to other matters4 ,the most difficult part of this exercise of authority will be overcome when the parent learns self-restraint4 ,not to run to a child every time he cries is the beginning of learning not to yield to a child every time he wants something4 ,in many cases authority is thus exercised by doing nothing4 ,the mother1 for example1 has left the baby creeping about alone in his nursery4 ,she has left him a ball and two or three blocks with which he can experiment1 and another ball hanging from a cord within his reach which he can swing to and fro4 ,he is learning that the ball is soft and can roll1 that the blocks are hard and cannot roll1 and that the pendulum swings regularly4 ,he is as well occupied in his work as the mother is in hers4 ,suddenly she hears a cry of vexation4 ,if it continues1 she steps to the door to see what has happened4 ,he has raised himself up by the window and is trying to reach the tassel at the end of the cord on the window-shade1 and finds it above his outstretched hands4 ,she might go to the window1 draw down the shade1 and1 holding it firm1 let him play with the cord till he tires2 but she knows that it would be inconvenient to have him continually playing with the window-shade in the house1 and she does not want him to begin4 ,she might then take him up and distract his attention till he forgets4 ,but she knows that if she does this once1 she will be called upon to do it again4 ,so she shakes her head and says ,no1 which she has taught him to understand1 and1 after making sure that he is in no danger of a fall1 leaves him and returns to her work4 ,by doing nothing she has done what for the time being is the hardest thing4 ,as she closes the door she hears another wail of vexation1 but she does not interfere4 ,she has exercised her authority simply by exercising self-restraint4 ,it all depends on what we want our children to be whether we employ the method of spasm or the method of self-restraint4 ,of course those of us who think pertness in a child is a virtue1 who regard a fit of teasing as smart or cunning1 who enjoy the exhilaration of encountering a child as an adversary and breaking down his opposition1 can develop in children habitual pertness1 teasing1 and disobedience with the utmost ease4 ,it requires1 however1 no especial genius to avoid these qualities4 ,other traits1 it may be1 require something like genius--something at least beyond persistence and self-restraint--to create2 but to provide children with a contented acquiescence in a regular life and an habitual disposition to obedience requires of the parents no qualities of mind which are not common to all of us mortals4 ,,footnote3 #a ,for directions in this matter ,i know of no book to compare with ,dr4 ,l4 ,emmett ,holt's ,the ,care and ,feeding of ,children1 published by ,d4 ,appleton ,co4 ,intelligently followed by a mother1 with due regard to the individual peculiarities of the children under her care1 the system outlined in that volume will save the mother an enormous amount of energy and worry and the child a great deal of injustice4 ,it ought to arrive in every household with the first-born baby1 or1 better1 a few weeks in advance4 ,the physician who sees that it does1 in every family he attends1 will win a wealth of gratitude and confidence4 ,in my own household it came that way4 ,as a supplement1 not a substitute1 ,i also recommend ,dr4 ,emelyn ,l4 ,coolidge's ,the ,mother's ,manual 7,a4 ,s4 ,barnes ,co47 ,,ii ,,the ,,will ,,and ,,the ,,way ,parents regard their children with all sorts of feelings1 with love of course1 with indulgence1 with amusement1 and even1 so it is said1 with self-complacency and admiration2 but it sometimes seems as if very few regard them with respect4 ,no one who respects another will lie to him1 or visit him with empty threats1 or make to him vain promises2 yet fathers and mothers in all parts of the country are at this moment lying to their children1 threatening them with punishments they do not mean to inflict1 and making promises they do not intend to fulfill4 ,the faith of a child ought to be proverbial4 ,it is the only substance of things hoped for which many children ever get4 ,i sometimes wonder if it is really just to lay the ,fifth ,commandment upon all ,american children4 ,somehow1 there seems to be something reciprocal implied in it4 ,if that commandment is of universal application1 it can be considered so1 ,i imagine1 only on the ground that it states a duty owed ultimately not to the parents but to the ,almighty4 ,certainly that parent who does not respect his children has no personal claim upon their honor4 ,what ,i mean by respect for a child ,i can perhaps explain best by an instance4 ,marshall1 aged seven1 had yielded to temptation in the form of a preserved pear4 ,instead of putting the temptation behind him1 he had put it within him2 and he had been caught4 ,the maternal court decided that a fair equivalent for this pear was a week of desserts4 ,for two days the culprit sat inactive at the close of dinner while his comrades ate with relish their portions of pudding4 ,then unexpectedly came an invitation to dinner from a friend4 ,on the return homeward an aunt remarked1 ,i noticed that ,marshall ate dessert with the others4 ,yes1 replied his mother1 ,i think he must have forgotten4 ,i noticed it too1 but ,i did not speak to him because there was no expectation of this treat when the punishment was determined upon4 ,besides1 ,i do not think it would have been just to add to his punishment by humiliating him before the others4 ,in this case respect for the youthful ,marshall meant1 first1 attributing the failure to observe the rule to something besides deliberate intent2 second1 recognizing that he was to be treated not merely with severity1 but also with justice2 and1 third1 appreciating the individuality of the child1 which included special sensitiveness to the attention and opinion of others4 ,the very fact that ,marshall was accustomed to regularity of discipline1 to invariableness in punishment1 and even to ridicule of vanity or silliness1 made it possible for his mother to do something that smacked of irregularity and of variableness1 and to save him from unnecessary abasement4 ,just because she had a rule which she habitually followed1 she could break it4 ,she could not have broken it if she had not had it4 ,the effectiveness of this act of omission lay in the very fact that it was an exception4 ,it was a case in which fairness to the boy depended upon inconsistency4 ,this only illustrates the truth that in dealing with a child you may violate any principle so long as you keep your respect for the child inviolate4 ,and the secret of respect for a child lies in regarding him as a human being4 ,the limitation of the devotee of child study1 the scientific investigator of child nature1 the observer of the child mind1 is that he cannot regard a child as a human being4 ,in other words1 his limitation consists in being too broad4 ,he observes individuals only for the sake of disregarding their individuality4 ,he is busy establishing some general laws of childhood4 ,he must choose to know nothing of children that he may know the ,child4 ,as soon as he begins to respect an individual child he becomes personal and biased2 and as soon as he becomes personal and biased he ceases to be scientific4 ,a good mother1 on the other hand1 is good just because of her prejudices4 ,she knows so much about her child that her testimony is scientifically worthless4 ,in everything the child does she sees something he1 and not another child has done before2 and she makes her judgments accordingly4 ,and it is just because her observations would be vicious in a table of statistics that they are the best possible basis for conduct4 ,in other words1 she is dealing1 not with a subject1 a cadaver1 so to speak1 that can be classified1 but with a live being that for her purposes belongs in a class by himself4 ,that is what ,i mean by respecting a child4 ,it is here that the teacher and the parent are at odds4 ,the teacher is dealing with childhood1 the parent is dealing with ,dick-hood or ,mary-hood4 ,the teacher is engaged chiefly in providing each child with the equipment that belongs by right to all civilized children2 the parent1 on the other hand1 is bound to bring each child to his1 and not another's1 highest development4 ,the teacher is responsible for the school or the class2 the parent1 for the boy or girl4 ,the difference in point of view makes the difference in duty4 ,it was from the parental point of view that the ancient sage wrote his proverb--,train up a child in the way he should go4 ,he was not thinking of the way of universal obligation1 for what he really said was1 ,train up a child in the way he that particular individual is to go2 in other words1 prepare him for the kind of life for which he is fitted4 ,in order to do this1 one must have regard for that child's temperament1 his distinctive traits4 ,the severest test of our respect for a child comes when we find his will conflicting with ours4 ,it is easy enough to overbear a child's will2 it is difficult to educate it4 ,the hardest task of a parent is to retain respect for a child while administering a spanking4 ,it is easy to roll out the cant saying1 ,i spank you because ,i love you1 but it is very difficult to bring one's self into that frame of mind in which it would be the mere truth to say1 ,i spank you because ,i respect you4 ,anybody1 by simply being persistent1 can thwart a child2 and any one with the ordinary strength of an adult can beat him2 but no one who is unwilling to do him the courtesy of regarding him as an individual can master and direct a child1 or really punish him4 ,not long ago ,i was traveling in a day coach4 ,in front of me were a man1 a woman1 and a small boy of about five years4 ,the woman was the dominant member of the group4 ,her face1 with its thin1 compressed lips and its hard gray eyes1 had a look of indolent selfishness with a suggestion of latent high temper4 ,the man seemed rather dull1 weak1 and unhappy4 ,the boy had the rotund1 insensitive countenance of his father2 but he had not yet lost interest in life4 ,he was no more restless than a boy of his age ought to be4 ,when his mother found his movements disturbing1 she darted a rebuke at him4 ,for the moment he sat still or moved out of the way4 ,finally he edged out into the aisle4 ,the woman made a pretense of ordering him back into the seat4 ,the boy1 evidently realizing that his mother1 since she was now put to no inconvenience by him1 had no intention of enforcing her command1 remained passively where he was4 ,when his mother's attention was distracted1 he made use of his freedom to get a little mild gymnastic exercise4 ,the train as it drew up to a station jerkily stopped4 ,the lurch of the car threw the boy backward on the floor4 ,stunned for but an instant1 the little lad sent forth a wail4 ,some of the passengers turned around2 others started forward to the child4 ,the woman was obviously annoyed by the disturbance4 ,before the father had fairly picked him up1 she seized the child1 roughly brushed off his clothes1 and set him violently down on the seat4 ,you're a bad boy4 ,she spat the words out at him and shook him4 ,she turned to her husband3 ,i told him not to stand there4 ,the man was silenced before his dull wits allowed him the chance to speak4 ,now1 to the boy1 stop your crying4 ,the youngster could not repress his sobs2 he was still somewhat dazed4 ,the man gently rubbed the back of the lad's head4 ,the woman glanced at the spectators4 ,she must have noticed that her method of avoiding a scene was not altogether successful4 ,she leaned toward the boy4 ,did you hurt yourself8 she asked1 and took him into her lap4 ,he let his head fall indifferently on the woman's shoulder4 ,her tardy and rather formal caresses aroused no response4 ,she put him back on the seat1 less ungently than before4 ,now will you be good8 ,if any but the fool is ever tempted to doubt the existence of ,god1 it is when he reflects that children are intrusted to the mercy of such women as this4 ,none of us is of her breed4 ,we do not like her coarseness4 ,we should never allow ourselves to make the mistake she made--of being found out4 ,she was too frank with her emotions4 ,she had not the skill to conceal the springs of her conduct4 ,what difference1 at bottom1 however1 is there between her and us when we are governed1 in disciplining a child1 by the degree of our own displeasure8 ,every one of us has been1 on occasions1 at heart as incompetent as this vulgar female4 ,we have all of us judged children1 at one time and another1 by their conformity to our will4 ,a very good woman it was1 of the straitest ,new ,england doctrines1 who sent a boy supperless to bed because1 while putting on his overcoat1 he accidentally toppled over and smashed a prized vase4 ,that boy is now a man gray with years and laden with honors2 but to this day he has not forgotten the fact that he was made to suffer1 not for his own fault1 but for his aunt's disappointment4 ,the only thing that will free us from the futile way of the ogreish woman on the railway car and the austere ,puritan lady is an abiding respect for our children4 ,this will save us from attributing to our children our own willfulness6 ,to be authoritative with children is something else besides being opinionated4 ,the opinionated may compel obedience2 but only the authoritative secure it4 ,and even the opinionated find obedience not easy of compulsion4 ,when caprice assumes command1 ,i have a sly conviction that disobedience becomes a virtue4 ,preliminary to teaching children how to obey is the process of learning how to command4 ,when a child is intransigent1 it is worth while to consider whether it is not he that is administering a rebuke4 ,sometimes resistance to even rightful authority is not as depraved as we1 who do not fancy being resisted1 delude ourselves into thinking4 ,there comes the time when any child will exult at the discovery that he is a being apart4 ,he naturally wants to measure his will1 and his mother's or his father's will is the handiest standard of comparison4 ,a test of that sort is sometimes disconcerting4 ,a five-year-old1 too much given to sliding down from his chair at meal-time1 was warned by his father that whenever in the future he should leave his chair1 he should not be allowed to return to the table4 ,soon afterwards the boy disappeared from his place4 ,he had evidently renewed his slippery ways1 and had made up his mind to lurk beneath the table and await results4 ,intent upon the enforcement of the decree1 his father said sternly1 ,you may be excused4 ,forthwith a head of tousled hair was thrust above the level of the table4 ,but ,i didn't leave my chair4 ,sure enough1 there he lay prone across the seat1 like a bag of meal on an ass's back4 ,his father had to find what scant refuge he could in the permissive form of his sentence of dismissal4 ,the lad's wits had won a victory for his will4 ,those who enter such an engagement without reconnoitring must accept the risk1 and1 if they wish to preserve the advantage of a commanding position1 must abide by the results of any such skirmish4 ,to turn it into a battle of wills is to commit the blunder of underestimating their opponent's strength4 ,a child's will is not a fragile thing4 ,it is not broken when it is overcome by another will reinforced by physical strength4 ,an old lady of ,maine1 now gone to her own place1--which ,i venture to say is not far from that of ,luther and ,knox and ,jonathan ,edwards1--once told me how1 when a small girl1 she had had her will broken2 she recounted the passionate resistance1 the screaming protestation1 the convulsive and futile rage exhausted only by hours of kicking and pounding the floor1 and her final capitulation1 announced by her picking up the toy which1 in defiance of her father's order1 she had at first refused to touch4 ,she gloried in this ,spartan training1 and deplored the lack of it in the present degenerate generation4 ,it was this same old lady1 with the broken will1 who1 rejecting all advances1 stanchly maintained her side in a family feud to1 ,i believe1 her dying day4 ,her will1 it is plain1 had not even been cracked2 it showed not so much as a suture2 neither had it been trained4 ,the only treatment it had received had been one of contumely4 ,the old lady was not exactly to blame for the outcome4 ,if we respect a child's will1 we shall give it a chance to operate4 ,we do not thereby surrender a pea's weight of authority4 ,a certain young mother1 let us say1 believes that there is a sort of unselfishness that has no part in love3 she will not relieve her children of effort and responsibility4 ,one of her brood1 a lad of seven1 with a touch of dreaminess in his mobile face1 with impatience of the material restraints of time and space1 with a will of his own that is the harder to direct because it is seldom aggressive1 is engaged in propelling a vast tow of block barges along the river that winds across the nursery floor4 ,of his companions1 one is umpiring a game of football between teams of leaden soldiers1 and the other is constructing a fearsome dungeon ten blocks deep4 ,at the door appears ,authority4 ,it is now four o'clock1 she announces4 ,at a quarter past four ,i want to have all the blocks and toys put away4 ,the football umpire and the dungeon-builder1 sniffing a prospective treat1 bring their operations to an abrupt close4 ,the lad of dreams listens abstractedly1 and then turns with great puffing and snorting to his labors of navigation4 ,inattention8 ,partly2 but partly1 too1 a deliberate choice of present pleasure and a willful rejection of the words of authority4 ,ten1 eleven1 twelve minutes pass4 ,again sounds the authoritative voice4 ,in three minutes it will be a quarter past four4 ,i shall want you then to begin to wash and dress for a drive4 ,eric1 ,i am afraid you won't be able to go with us2 your blocks are not put away4 ,she might1 of course1 justly tell him then and there that he will not be allowed to go2 she chooses1 however1 the better way1 and lets him wrestle with the situation4 ,you had better not stop to cry1 she warns him2 there is no time to waste4 ,in fractious misery he hurriedly begins his belated task4 ,his will1 so far from being broken or weakened1 is actually stiffened2 but it is now enlisted on the side of authority4 ,the others--not a whit more virtuous1 by the way1 but only more sagacious--are half dressed before he has put his blocks in order4 ,if he fails to overtake them1 he will stand disconsolate1 abject1 perhaps tempestuous1 and watch them depart4 ,he has had his way1 but he has won no victory2 he has simply learned the cost of willfulness4 ,if he succeeds in overtaking them1 he will not have lost his lesson4 ,his mother1 it is true1 will not exactly have had her way2 but she reckons that no loss1 as her way was not her end2 she will have enlisted his will4 ,the victory which the boy will have won is not over her4 ,the only antagonist he has had is himself4 ,because of her respect for him1 he will now have a new respect for himself and for her4 ,he is on the road to acquiring the will to obey4 ,if it had been one of the other two who had disobeyed1 her course might have been different4 ,a sullen1 recalcitrant will1 open-eyed1 calculating1 defiant1 might easily suggest a different treatment4 ,you have chosen your leaden soldiers2 now leaden soldiers it shall be4 ,since you did not make your duty your choice1 then ,i shall arrange matters so that your choice shall be your duty4 ,nothing but leaden soldiers till we return4 ,such a variation in the treatment of children smacks not in the least of partiality4 ,it simply means that respect for the child has involved respect for his individuality4 ,the maxim1 ,let the punishment fit the crime1 may express a principle of action useful for the government of a ,state or of a school2 but for the purposes of the home it should be altered so as to read1 ,let the punishment fit the child4 ,this ought to be the answer whenever that question arises that still serves the purpose of discussion in the correspondence columns of the newspapers1 ,is corporal punishment defensible8 ,the conventional answer nowadays is1 ,no4 ,this is supposed to betoken the benignant mind4 ,any other answer nowadays classifies one as an autocratic brute4 ,it seems to be assumed that corporal punishment must necessarily be administered in the jaunty spirit of the ,chinese proverb which runs3 ,a cloudy day--leisure to beat the children4 ,real tenderness of heart1 so runs the accepted modern doctrine1 forbids the infliction of physical pain4 ,in all these discussions1 however1 one consideration seems to be ignored--a decent respect for children4 ,to one who is governed by this consideration1 there is only one answer to the question1 ,do you believe in spanking a child8 ,that answer is comprised in another question1 ,what child8 ,it is not necessary to go as far as ,menander1 who declared1 ,he who is not flogged is not educated1 to be convinced that a good many children have been deprived of their rights because they have never been spanked4 ,there was once a little girl who could never forget the indignity she suffered in a spanking she had received4 ,she grew up with her mind resolutely set against all corporal punishment4 ,in the course of time she was married and had two children4 ,with one of them she had no problems of discipline2 but with the other1 a daughter1 she had problems that taxed her wits to the utmost4 ,at times the little girl seemed verily possessed4 ,at last1 in desperation1 this harassed mother1 driven into recreancy to her own principle1 resorted to the form of chastisement she had forsworn4 ,the effect was instantaneous4 ,the child was relieved1 as it were1 from herself4 ,with some temperaments in some moods the rod is like the wand of a magician4 ,the childish petulance1 the outburst of temper1 the streak of almost malicious perversity1 is but the child's way of expressing his quarrel with himself2 and when the sharp physical pain comes1 it seems to announce the subjugation of an enemy4 ,in a household there are three children4 ,one1 sensitive to physical pain1 shrivels and warps at the very prospect of it2 a second is deterred from no act by the fear of it1 and is altered not a whit by the memory of it2 the third seems to find in it the comforting sense of being mastered at those times when he is out of sorts with himself1 and responds to it with renewed affection and restored sweetness of temper4 ,for the mother of that trio academic discussions on corporal punishment are not only uninteresting--they are positively irritating4 ,she has paid her children the decent respect of considering their temperaments4 ,,iii ,,by ,,rule ,,of ,,wit ,at a dinner-table one evening1 a man who was interested in his own children stated a rule by which he made sure that no child of his would disobey him4 ,the rule is infallible4 ,he remarked to his companion3-- ,i never give a command to my children4 ,what do you do8 he was asked4 ,i tell them stories4 ,that expresses a perfectly intelligible policy3 ,abdicate1 and you will never have a disobedient child4 ,you will also never have an obedient one4 ,the fact that the man who made this statement was an ,anarchist explains his theory4 ,he regarded obedience not as a virtue1 but as a defect4 ,he was altogether consistent4 ,a disbeliever in government for society1 he declined to establish any government for his family4 ,in place of government1 however1 he at least took pains to establish something else4 ,this was a systematic appeal to the child's imagination4 ,if one had to choose between government and influence over children through the imagination1 there might be some reason for discarding government4 ,as a matter of fact1 however1 the use of the imagination1 so far from being antagonistic to effective government1 is indispensable to it4 ,the reason why we parents so often fail in securing obedience1 and1 what is more important still1 in developing in our children the spirit of obedience1 is that we are deficient in imagination--or at least that what imagination we have is untrained4 ,in this faculty in which we are weak1 children are strong4 ,a little four-year-old ,i know1 in making letters for his own amusement1 frequently attaches arms and legs to them2 it is his way of pictorially representing the animation he ascribes to them4 ,indeed1 he sometimes goes so far as to transfer in mind these limbs to the object which the letters spell4 ,thus1 he laboriously prints the letters ,p-,i-,g1 adds to each letter a lively pair of legs1 and exclaims3 ,see1 the pig is running6 ,mental processes like that1 complicated though it is1 are common with children4 ,a child left alone in the nursery with his blocks will find them transformed into trains1 steamboats1 people1 trees1 animals1 whatever he wills4 ,in this picturesque form imagination may be called fancy2 but it has many other phases4 ,imagination is an element in memory4 ,ability to recall a sound requires imagination4 ,when1 for instance1 a child repeats a word he has heard some one use1 his imagination has enabled him to summon up the sound of that word4 ,imagination is an element in emulation4 ,when a child is trying to outdo another1 or outdo his own past performances1 he has to picture to his mind what he or his competitor has done and what the desirable outcome of the struggle would be4 ,imagination is an element even in fear and hope4 ,when a child dreads a punishment or eagerly awaits a reward1 it is his imagination that gives him the power to anticipate4 ,like every other instinct1 imagination needs training4 ,we all carry about with us a menagerie of instincts4 ,some of them have been ill-treated4 ,in what a pitiable shape is the dyspeptic's food instinct6 ,it has died of over-indulgence1 and its corpse mocks him at every meal4 ,the instinct of fighting has been given a bad name1 and in many a well-conducted menagerie is kept chained2 but it has been known to survive the most rigorous repression1 and to spring out with most abounding vitality in the midst of a meeting on behalf of peace4 ,we have learned to avoid those people whose instinct of curiosity is not bridle-wise2 and we all have recourse at times to those who have nourished1 groomed1 and trained their play instinct4 ,the fact is1 that the process of education consists largely in transforming these instincts of ours1 which in their original state are wild and unmanageable1 into domesticated and useful habits4 ,now1 imagination is a vigorous beast4 ,its youthful antics are very picturesque and amusing2 it is sometimes whimsical and troublesome2 but it can be made of the greatest service4 ,indeed1 for all kinds of work1 ,i know of no species of instinct which ,i would more highly recommend4 ,as a draught animal it is indefatigable2 and nothing else can take its place for pleasure-driving4 ,yet ,i have heard of a private school for young women from which all fairy books are excluded1 on the ground that a girl's imagination needs repression4 ,like some other instincts1 imagination cannot be altogether repressed1 though it can be tamed and guided4 ,if it is left boxed up and wild1 it is apt to break out and take a canter through dangerous regions4 ,since1 then1 we cannot take a child's imagination from him1 and we run into peril if we neglect it1 the profitable course is to show him how to break it to harness and make it serve him4 ,we cannot do this1 however1 unless we have paid some attention to the training of our own imagination4 ,as a wild young colt will trot about beside its dam1 so a child's imagination will readily follow that of an older person4 ,but the two must be at least in the same lot4 ,if we are going to appeal to a child's imagination in teaching him how to obey1 we must exercise some imagination in giving commands4 ,we thus come upon that recurrent principle that the chief task in the training of children is the training of ourselves4 ,that imagination may be used in maintaining strictness of discipline seems to some to be almost a contradiction in terms4 ,it seems like invoking an imp of dreams to assist in adding up a column of figures4 ,in many minds imagination suggests dreaminess1 wool-gathering1 waywardness1 irresponsibility4 ,that is one reason why we parents who like to be obeyed1 who are inclined to believe that it is a virtue to be dictatorial1 and who sometimes confuse our own will with the immutable principles of righteousness1 so often fall into error4 ,to a child there is nothing more serious1 nothing more real and regular1 than the products of his imagination1 and nothing more vague1 whimsical1 irregular1 than the unexplained orders which he receives from grown people4 ,if we wish to impress a child with the seriousness and reality of our authority1 we had better put our imagination into condition4 ,there were two small boys in a town of the ,middle ,west4 ,active1 spirited1 mischievous1 and in other respects healthy1 these two tads--the younger about four years old1 ,i believe--gave their father and mother much concern4 ,one day an old drill-sergeant established in the neighborhood a class for boys1 and in a short time received these two as pupils4 ,the transformation was sudden4 ,the boys were soldiers4 ,happily1 their mother was imaginative4 ,they were therefore soldiers not merely in the class1 but also at home4 ,the standards of conduct put before them1 the punishments dealt out to them1 and the rewards bestowed upon them were such as befitted defenders of the home4 ,obedience1 promptness1 chivalry1 order1 courage1 regularity1 honor1 truthfulness1 were not unreasonable qualities to expect from such as they4 ,when one of these warriors was absent without leave for the greater part of a day--in other words1 ran away--it was not inappropriate that he should be kept in solitary confinement on short rations4 ,the discipline meted out to those youngsters was1 from any point of view1 severe4 ,even corporal punishment1 which1 as ordinarily applied1 is crudely devoid of the imaginative element1 became measurably glorified2 it was a part of the hardship which they were called upon to endure as good soldiers4 ,of course this rgime was accompanied with plenty of instruction in military traditions and practices4 ,a constant visitor to that household has found in the manliness and good breeding of these children a source of amazed gratification4 ,in another family1 who had no access to a drill-sergeant with a streak of poetry1 a somewhat different method has been in vogue4 ,the boys in that family do not belong1 as it were1 to the regular army1 but rather to the militia4 ,they are not always under a military rgime1 but are liable to a summons at any time4 ,when they hear the command1 ,fall in1 they know they are expected to stand in line and await orders4 ,in the absence of their parents1 they know that the older person left in charge is their commanding officer2 and upon their parents' return they know that they will be called upon to fall into line1 salute1 and report to their father4 ,each is supposed to report any infraction of discipline which he himself--not his comrades--has committed4 ,no punishment is administered as a result of such report1 except for deliberate concealment4 ,each also reports some especial pleasure he has had4 ,a good report is followed by formal and official congratulation4 ,a reminder in the form of a sign1 marked ,remember the ,report1 and placed in a conspicuous position in the nursery1 has helped to train and direct their imagination4 ,since the report includes a record of enjoyments as well as of offenses1 this reminder is not so threatening as to many people it would seem4 ,indeed1 the proposal that such a sign be used met with instant approval from the young militiamen4 ,those who object to tin soldiers as toys will have little patience with this metamorphosis of real children into creatures of militarism4 ,very well1 let them be monks instead1 or members of a labor union1 or railway employees1 or idealized legislators1 or even honest policemen1 anything that will not put too great a strain on the imagination--of the adults4 ,the point is simply that the exercise of the strictest authority over children is compatible with the most lavish use of the imagination4 ,there is nothing necessarily soft or flabby about the imaginative life4 ,there is no special reason why little children should be afflicted with continual talk about the dear little birdies or the sweet little flowers4 ,indeed1 the natural taste of children seems to be attracted in the opposite direction4 ,one small boy1 when he inquired about a bloody ,bible picture1 and was put off with the explanation that it was not a pleasant story1 expressed the views of many of his age when1 looking up angelically1 he exclaimed with ecstasy1 ,i like to hear about horrid things4 ,even the rod can1 as ,i have suggested1 be used imaginatively4 ,a small boy who is well acquainted with the story of the ,israelites in ,egypt has invoked its aid4 ,he is not overburdened with a sense of moral responsibility4 ,one day1 when he was dawdling over his task of changing his shoes and stockings1 it was suggested that his father be an ,egyptian and he be an ,israelitish slave4 ,he joyfully acquiesced4 ,his father took the tip of a bamboo fishing-rod as badge of authority and stood by4 ,in a few moments the boy was dawdling4 ,a slight rap over the shins recalled him to his duty4 ,there was no complaint2 for he knew it was the business of the overseer to keep the slave at his task4 ,his shoes and stockings were changed in a very much shorter time than was customary2 and he contemplated his finished work with satisfaction4 ,a few days later1 when he had a similar task to perform1 he proposed of his own accord a repetition of the performance2 and carried out his part with spirit4 ,when we adults remember how much we rely upon some outside stimulus to keep us at our work--the need of money1 the esteem of our neighbors1 the fear of disease1 the mandate of the law--we ought to be able to understand the reason why such an appeal to the imagination as this acted as a reinforcement of the boy's will1 and therefore1 by very reason of its disciplinary character1 was actually welcomed4 ,two other boys similarly acquainted with the experiences of ,israel in ,egypt contrived an application of one of those experiences to their own case4 ,they had several times been thrilled by the account of the exciting race between the ,israelites and the ,egyptians to the ,red ,sea1 and had repeatedly found relief in the safe arrival of the ,israelites on the other side and the literally overwhelming defeat of the cruel army of ,pharaoh4 ,one evening their mother was engaged in washing the supper dishes1 and they were engaged1 as usual1 in helping her by wiping the silver4 ,on several occasions they had been so little intent on their work that their mother had finished all the washing and had wiped the china and glassware before they had wiped and put away the silver4 ,this evening one of them suddenly became seized with a fancy4 ,his mother was the ,egyptian army and he and his comrade were the host of ,israel4 ,when the last fork had rattled into its place and the silver-drawer was shut1 what a shout of joy arose6 ,the ,egyptians had been outdistanced2 the ,israelites were safe4 ,after that1 when there were signs of inattention1 the warning cry1 ,the ,egyptians are coming6 would rouse them into instant and happy action4 ,now those children usually do this work rapidly4 ,they have formed in themselves a valuable habit4 ,that was not a device4 ,it was the exemplification of a principle4 ,a habit1 ,i suppose1 can be beaten into a child2 but it is more lasting as well as more wholesome if it has been created1 in part at least1 by the child's own will2 and it is the imagination1 charged as it is with feeling1 which can most surely summon the will into activity4 ,the difference between ignoring this principle and recognizing it may be illustrated by contrasting two concrete instances4 ,in the one case the mother appears at the nursery door4 ,look at this room6 she exclaims2 it is very untidy4 ,she thus puts the brand of disapproval upon disorder4 ,all the blocks and toys must be put away and you must be all washed for supper by six o'clock2 and you have so much to do1 you must begin at once4 ,but ,i want to build this house4 ,no2 you must begin now4 ,this is for the purpose1 the mother explains to herself1 of preparing the child to meet the harsh demands of an unfeeling world4 ,she notes that the child begins listlessly to pick up some of the scattered blocks1 one by one1 and drop them into the box where they are kept4 ,after an absence of several minutes she returns4 ,she sees but little change1 although the child is hastily putting some toys away4 ,she is aware1 however1 that this activity started only when her footfall sounded in the hall4 ,if those things are not all in their places on time1 ,i shall have to punish you4 ,the mother is vexed1 the child is unhappy and rebellious4 ,a daily experience of this sort may result finally in some kind of habit in the child2 but only at great cost of effort to the mother1 and at the sacrifice of much of the normal relationship between the two4 ,another mother appears at the door of the nursery4 ,in five minutes it will be time to begin to put away the blocks and toys1 she announces1 thus giving some time for the builder to complete operations4 ,then she asks1 ,what are you going to be this evening8 ,i think ,i'll be ,michael bringing the wood to the wood-box for the fire4 ,in five minutes she calls3 ,michael1 ,i want all the wood put into the wood-box4 ,the builder is now transformed for the time being into ,michael4 ,he has seen the lusty ,irishman carry great armfuls of wood1 and his own frail arms assume new dignity4 ,he gathers the blocks by the dozen1 and as he lets them fall1 kerplunk1 into the box1 he sees great logs falling into place4 ,in a few moments his mother reappears4 ,you have been working hard1 ,michael1 haven't you8 ,i think you will have the wood in its place in plenty of time4 ,how much better the room looks without those logs of wood lying all about6 ,you can carry a good many logs at once1 can't you8 ,repeated every day1 this process will inevitably develop into a habit of orderliness4 ,the regularity of the process is not in the least impaired by the fact that one evening it assumes the form of stacking up firewood1 another evening of bringing in bags of coal to the cellar1 another evening of loading merchandise on to a vessel4 ,it is the same will that directs ,michael1 and the coal man1 and the stevedore1 and it is the same brain that receives the repeated impression of promptness and good order4 ,in each case1 whether it is ,michael1 or the coal man1 or the stevedore1 the workman is doing his task under orders2 he is subject to authority4 ,and if ,michael1 or the coal man1 or the stevedore fails to do his duty1 it is not inappropriate that he should suffer a penalty4 ,of course it will be more effective if the penalty can be made suitable to the character4 ,whether it is made suitable or not will depend largely upon the imagination of the person in authority4 ,as a rule1 however1 the spirit of such a process as that which ,i have illustrated is less that of discipline than of instruction1 or perhaps more accurately1 the spirit of discipline through instruction4 ,it is1 in fact1 just because instruction plays so large a part in the government of children that those in authority need to have constant recourse to their imagination4 ,deficiency in imagination is exhibited by parents not merely in their relation to their children1 but quite as frequently in the relation between husband and wife4 ,criticism of the one by the other in the presence of the children can be accounted for1 as a rule1 only by a defective imagination4 ,if the critic could be put for a moment in the place of the child who has heard the reproof1 he would be amazed at discovering how he had weakened not only the mother's authority1 but also his own4 ,in a certain household1 let us say1 the mother is strongly of the opinion that it is injurious for the children to eat anything between meals2 the father1 however1 scouts the idea1 and actually keeps1 in his pocket1 sweetmeats for which he invites the children to search4 ,if he had imagination enough to look into his own children's minds1 he would be mortified at what he would see4 ,parents at cross-purposes are simply exhibiting their own stupidity4 ,without imagination1 therefore1 there can be only the most ineffective government in the family4 ,it is surprising1 on the other hand1 how the exercise of the imagination will clear away many perplexing difficulties in discipline2 for in the light of the imagination many of these difficulties are seen to be problems in moral instruction4 ,let me illustrate4 ,the boys whom ,i have already described as militiamen were left by their parents1 for a day1 in charge of a competent nurse4 ,when they were called upon to report in the customary military fashion concerning their behavior1 they all confessed to certain offenses involving the marring of property4 ,would you have done that if mamma or ,i had been there8 their father asked4 ,no1 was the reply4 ,then you sneaked on us4 ,that word sneaked was apparently new to them2 it upset their gravity4 ,the entire company1 including the commander1 was soon convulsed4 ,what could be done8 ,the case could not be allowed to end thus4 ,finally1 after some degree of order was restored1 the commander proposed that they all take turns in sneaking on one another4 ,the plan which was accepted with enthusiasm was this3 ,two of the boys were to leave the room2 then the third1 in their absence1 was to find some precious possession of each of the two and destroy it4 ,no sooner1 however1 were the victims in another room than they raised a vigorous protest4 ,as this was to be not a punishment but an experiment1 the protest was heeded4 ,the tables were turned2 one of the victims was appointed executioner1 and the executioner took the place of victim4 ,after several trials it was proved that nobody wished to have his property destroyed4 ,they thus learned that1 however much fun it was to sneak on some one else1 they did not wish any one else to sneak on them4 ,although they agreed1 too1 that if each had a turn there would be nothing unfair1 they were all unwilling to lose precious possessions even for the fun of playing an underhand trick4 ,by this time one of the boys had decided that all sneaking was bad4 ,it was then proposed to the other two that their father go out1 and that they should sneak on him4 ,this seemed to be a solution4 ,they would have the fun and suffer none of the loss4 ,when they had committed themselves to this opinion1 their father called their attention to the fact that he had already had his turn at being victim1 and that now it was only fair that he should have his turn at being executioner4 ,there was no escape4 ,at the very moment when they were looking for all the gain and none of the loss1 they were confronted with the prospect of suffering1 perfectly justly1 all of the loss and having none of the gain4 ,by that time the word sneak conveyed an idea that was quite the opposite of humorous1 and they were in position to appreciate their father's repudiation of any intention to act as a sneak4 ,it was necessary for them to travel a long and roundabout way before they reached the point at which they could genuinely disapprove what they themselves had done4 ,in the frame of mind in which at first they had been1 punishment would have been meaningless2 it would have signified nothing more than that an older person was vexed at something1 and that they had to bear the ill effects of the vexation4 ,what they needed primarily was not discipline but instruction4 ,incidentally1 it may be added1 they had a good deal of discipline in the process4 ,we are likely to forget that moral distinctions are not instinctive1 but are the product of experience4 ,the capacity to distinguish between the good and the evil is1 we may all agree1 inherent2 but ability in deciding what acts belong in the category of the good and what in the category of the evil is acquired4 ,there is no magic voice within a little child informing him what a lie is and warning him that it is evil4 ,it is not enough1 moreover1 to tell a child over and over again that lying is wrong2 it is equally necessary to instruct him so that he will recognize a lie when he encounters it4 ,the knack of recognizing the difference between truth and falsehood is like the knack of recognizing the difference between edible and poisonous mushrooms4 ,it comes only after careful instruction and long practice1 and it is not as easy as it seems4 ,is ,alice in ,wonderland falsehood8 ,are the statements in ,stevenson's ,child's ,garden of ,verses true8 ,i believe ,i could set an examination in the subject1 asking for reasons for the answers1 which a good many parents could not satisfactorily pass4 ,a child who habitually lies may be consciously doing wrong2 but it is also possible that he has been simply ill-taught1 or is not old enough to be taught at all in this subject4 ,in order to reach a child's mind for the purpose of enabling him to see the difference between a lie and the truth1 we must have imagination enough to put ourselves in the child's place sufficiently to find out what his conception of the truth is4 ,it is easy to assume that a child is lying when he is merely experimenting with language1 or is desiring to please1 or is playing with his fancies4 ,if we want children to understand us1 we must exercise enough imagination to understand them4 ,after we have established some basis of mutual understanding1 we can feel free to proceed with rigorous discipline4 ,i hope ,i shall not be misunderstood4 ,it is not necessary that a child should understand the reason for a command before he obeys4 ,obedience first and reasons afterwards is a good rule1 and one that may even prevent disasters4 ,it is necessary1 however1 that a child should understand what it is he is commanded to do or not to do4 ,it requires some imagination to ascertain whether the child understands this or not4 ,instruction in manners1 like instruction in morals1 requires the use of the imagination4 ,the adult who is receiving his first lesson in golf ought to be able to understand why a child has difficulty in properly holding his spoon2 the difference between a niblick and a stymie is not nearly so hard to learn as the difference between ,please and ,thank you4 ,manners are more arbitrary than the technical terms of a game or a calling4 ,why it should be wrong but not naughty to eat with your knife or to sing at the table1 children do not readily see4 ,as with regard to morals and manners1 so with regard to all that a child has to learn1 instruction is best coupled with imagination4 ,a generation ago my grandfather wrote a book4 ,its tide seems to attach it to a long bygone age4 ,it is called ,gentle ,measures in the ,management and ,training of the ,young4#b ,i know of no book which in spirit or in principles is more modern4 ,i do not think its substance will ever be antiquated4 ,it was through no fault or merit of mine that the author of this book was my grandfather2 so ,i can see no reason why ,i should not be as free as any one else might be in expressing the wish that every parent who has some interest in the training of children might not only possess a copy1 but also read it studiously4 ,his words1 with their touch of quaintness1 concerning the use of imagination in the teaching of children were but the transcript of the principles which he had established by use and found practicable4 ,are the children restive or boisterous8 ,do they talk incessantly and nonsensically8 ,a little imagination will suggest what should be done with them4 ,they are steam engines under full head of steam4 ,if you do not wish to starve them into lassitude1 set their activity to work in some direction that will not be troublesome4 ,has one of the children pinched his hand in the door or bumped his head8 ,summon up your imagination4 ,he is a man who has met with an accident2 call the ambulance1 which comes in the form of a two-legged creature1 to carry him to the hospital1 which to grown-up eyes looks amazingly like the couch in the sewing-room2 give him some medicine out of a bottle1 which has the appearance of a shoe-horn4 ,is there an altercation in the nursery8 ,let there be a court established1 and the issue heard and decided in due form4 ,no retinue of servants can work such wonders as a moderately alert imagination4 ,if we parents have allowed our own imaginations to become atrophied through disuse1 so that we are incapacitated from sharing in the most vivid part of our children's world1 there is at least one thing we can do2 we can restrain our natural impulse to interfere with our children's imagination4 ,for a generous portion of every day we can leave our children alone4 ,we are1 of course1 useful to them in emergencies1 but ordinarily we prosy folk are in their way4 ,what a nuisance we are when we impose upon an imaginative child that horror known as a mechanical toy6 ,the nodding mandarin is so insistently a mandarin that no child with a healthy imagination can respect it4 ,off with its head6 it then can conceivably be the pillar of a house1 or a chimney for a steamboat4 ,large flat wooden dolls that come in a game-set have been known to serve admirably as roofs for block houses4 ,shall we allow the children to abuse their toys in this wise8 exclaims the prosaic adult4 ,the children might well reply1 ,must we be forced to lose our real world and to live in a commonplace1 unreal world like yours8 ,elaborate dolls1 complicated mechanisms1 elegant playthings1 may gratify the vanity of an adult1 and even whet the curiosity of the growing boy and girl1 but will not take the place of real toys like blocks of wood and spools and marbles4 ,if we must nag him at other times1 at least in his play let us leave the child alone with his imagination and the materials which his imagination can best use4 ,if we are nonplussed by the enjoyment which a child finds in such simple things1 it is because we have not the imagination to perceive that these very same simple things are the most capable of varied transformation4 ,like those complicated toys which are made merely because the adults1 who have the money1 buy them1 some kindergartens are engines of destruction4 ,the play instinct1 which psychologists kindly explain is simply the instinct for self-directed activity1 is in mortal peril from people who are always for supervising children's games4 ,controlling the play of children is really attempting the impossible4 ,as soon as it is controlled from the outside1 play ceases to be play4 ,if some one else directs the child1 he ceases to be self-directed4 ,play is not mere recreation2 it is sometimes very serious business4 ,what makes it play is that it is not done under orders4 ,and real play requires imagination4 ,we parents can spoil our children by confining them to the artificial things we enjoy in lieu of our own minds4 ,if we wish to amuse ourselves1 we can do so for a time by spoiling our children4 ,but if we wish them to enjoy life1 as well as to grow strong in body and mind and character1 we will not tempt them by the spices1 the mechanisms1 the artifices of our world1 but will leave them as much as possible to wander and play and work unmolested in the world of simple things4 ,simple food1 simple occupations1 simple toys1 simple surroundings--at least such we call them2 in fact1 there are no riches like them to the child--or the adult for that matter--who has not been robbed of his imagination4 ,if we have lost ours1 and must go about our task of instruction and discipline in the unreal way of the dry-as-dust1 we can at least leave the child his4 ,that is possible for the dullest of us4 ,,footnote3 #b ,by ,jacob ,abbott4 7,harper and ,brothers47 ,,iv ,,peace ,,at ,a ,,price ,advice to wives usually begins with this sort of exhortation3 ,when your husband returns from the office1 greet him smilingly2 exile from your face the traitorous lines of care1 imprison in the silences of your mind the petty vexing trials of the day1 dismiss to their own quarters the evidences of housework4 ,your husband's home is his castle2 when he takes refuge there in flight from his enemies1 the cares of his vocation1 do not confront him with your own4 ,we are all familiar with this strain4 ,it sounds well4 ,but1 after all1 the lord's castle is his lady's battlefield4 ,if she is a very fine lady indeed1 she may not have engaged in any personal encounters4 ,if her resources and disposition permit1 she may hire mercenaries to do her fighting for her4 ,in that case her battles have been sham battles1 and she has no relic of carnage to hide4 ,if1 however1 she is not one of those who regard one child as a nuisance and two as an intolerable burden1 and therefore prefers to conduct the campaign of their training herself1 she can hardly be sure of turning nightly the battlefield of that home into the semblance of an impregnable castle4 ,the fact is1 any woman who regards motherhood as a vocation quite as worthy of respect as yelling on the ,stock ,exchange 7and that ,i believe is a very1 very respectable vocation indeed7 will find it a serious drain on her physical and nervous resources4 ,however much a woman may court martyrdom1 ,i never heard of one who deliberately invited vexation of spirit4 ,she may find a genuine happiness in the weariness she has incurred for the sake of some great object2 but she finds no happiness in the annoyances she encounters purposelessly4 ,now1 it is just these vexations1 these annoyances1 which it is a part of her vocation to avoid4 ,so far from being an incident of motherhood1 they are an impediment4 ,most of these annoyances1 these vexations1 with which a mother has to contend1 come from a maladjustment between her children and their environment4 ,quarrels among themselves1 irritability and disobedience toward her1 impositions upon the servants1 pertness with their elders1 insubordination toward their teachers1 altercations with their playmates1 and friction with the neighbors--it is affairs of these sorts that fray a woman's nerves and wrack her mind4 ,no woman can long endure these things4 ,there are not many courses open to her4 ,she can die1 or she can rid herself of her children by consigning them to servants who are paid for accepting her responsibility4 ,in either case she no longer concerns us4 ,let us suppose1 however1 that she remains a mother4 ,then the only course that she can pursue is to attempt some mode of adjustment4 ,there are two ways in which she can act4 ,she can undertake either to adjust her children to their environment1 or to adjust their environment to them4 ,almost every mother adopts either one way or the other within the first two months of her first baby's life4 ,the young lord of creation puts the problem squarely before her3 ,am ,i to begin my reign now--and ,i warn you it will be a case of whimsical autocracy--or must ,i take my place in the order of this household8 ,if his mother is a washerwoman1 he gets no answer2 she goes about her washing and he finds his place without much remonstrance4 ,the children of the poor are blessed with mothers who have this problem settled for them by the gaunt hand of necessity4 ,if1 however1 this lordling has been born in the purple1 even of very light shade1 he has a good chance of seizing the sceptre at the very first grasp4 ,he certainly will seize it and wield it relentlessly1 if his mother decides to do the easiest thing4 ,at the beginning and for some time it is easier to conform the household to the baby than the baby to the household4 ,it is easier because strictly at the beginning it is necessary4 ,even the household of the washerwoman is swerved for a few days out of its regular course2 but when the wash comes in again1 the household is swerved back4 ,the trouble comes in those families where the mother's will has to take the place of somebody else's wash4 ,of course there are cases which cannot be considered normal4 ,the newcomer is puny and needs the constant attention that every invalid requires2 or the mother's strength has been sapped1 and she must1 for everybody's sake1 do the easiest thing4 ,in such cases there is no choice4 ,ordinarily1 however1 the issue is not long postponed4 ,the trained nurse1 if there is one1 can have a good deal to do in deciding it4 ,probably it will be most distinctly raised over a question of feeding4 ,the foundation of absolute monarchy within many a plain ,american home has been laid by allowing the diminutive heir apparent to engage in midnight feasting when every consideration of orderliness commanded sleep4 ,it is on such an occasion that a man1 if he has any chivalry in him1 will sustain his wife's good resolution4 ,if he chooses to be anything more to his household than a purveyor1 he will not have to wait long to make good his determination4 ,the difference between a household adjusted to a child and a child adjusted to a household is the difference between unstable and stable equilibrium4 ,quietness1 peace1 and an aspect of repose may be found in both cases2 but in the one case every new movement threatens an upset4 ,there are two kinds of households1 the adjustable and the unadjustable4 ,a child1 let us say1 wakes in the morning4 ,if he is accustomed to an adjustable household1 there is an end of sleep for those who have the care of him4 ,for the sake of peace to the others some one has to keep him quietly amused until the time of rising4 ,that some one1 we all can guess1 is the mother4 ,at breakfast it is the child that is first served1 and when he is finished with eating it is his new demands that interrupt the meal4 ,the mother does her household tasks under the child's supervision4 ,in order to avoid the necessity of leaving them to rush upon every demand to the nursery1 she manages to have him in the room with her4 ,tethering him to the leg of a table1 barricading him behind chairs1 occupying his mind now with one bauble1 now with another1 she succeeds1 with the exercise of an acquired versatility1 in securing for him safety from harm1 for the furniture measurable immunity from damage1 and for herself a comparatively noiseless morning4 ,when the time for his nap arrives1 she1 as the available member of the household1 leaves everything else and puts him to sleep4 ,after he wakes and is dressed1 a caller arrives4 ,for an instant forgetful1 she starts to leave the young ruler4 ,a wail recalls her4 ,a gurgle of satisfaction rewards her for taking him in her arms4 ,the visitor is now a part of the household and must be properly adjusted4 ,at the sight of the caller the baby makes violent protest4 ,then comes the period of coaxing1 unsatisfactory to the child1 troublesome to the mother1 and disconcerting to the guest4 ,irreconcilable1 the youngster is handed over to some one for the nonce1 and the visitor concludes the call and departs to the accompaniment of mourning4 ,the despot is easily restored to good humor as soon as he sees again his favorite subject4 ,the one annoying episode of the day is easily set down against the account1 not of the child1 not of his mother1 but of the caller4 ,that black gown she wore many a time does duty as an explanation for what is really the product of an adjustable household4 ,aside from the more immediate and obvious disadvantages of the adjustable household1 there is this3 that it hardly fits the child for living in an unadjustable world4 ,the child who greets the morning in an unadjustable household finds at hand enough to amuse him until it is time for his bath4 ,his mother has not led him to expect anything else4 ,i remember a little fellow whom ,i used to see a few years ago4 ,of delicate organism1 decidedly high-strung1 very sensitive to sound and motion1 he needed as much attention as any well baby ever did4 ,regularly every morning1 after giving him his breakfast and getting him ready for the day1 his mother took him to the nursery1 left him on the padded floor1 gave him his few blocks1 and left him to his devices4 ,she was free to go downstairs then about her work4 ,she was not beyond earshot4 ,when the sun was high1 she wrapped him up well1 put him in his carriage1 and1 wheeling him out on the porch1 left him again alone4 ,in the afternoon the process was reversed3 first the sunny porch1 then the quiet nursery4 ,times for play with him came to an end according to her judgment1 not his4 ,because she loved him and understood her vocation as mother1 she established in this nervous child the habit of encountering the world with placidity4 ,this is the way of the mother who determines that her household shall be unadjustable4 ,there are those who regard childhood as a period when the individual becomes1 to use ,stevenson's phrase1 well armored for this world4 ,it is this conception of childhood as a preparation for after-life that underlies ,huxley's essay on liberal education4 ,there are others who would say1 with a recent writer1 that childhood is not to be regarded as a preparation for youth that in turn becomes a preparation for manhood1 but rather is to be made beautiful and glorious in and for itself1 not a vestibule to a vestibule to a vestibule4 ,whichever of these two views we take1 we shall find1 ,i think1 that the only way of escape from disorder and confusion is not by adjusting the child's environment to him1 but by adjusting him to his environment4 ,the one unescapable part of our children's environment is--ourselves4 ,over them we are always impending4 ,at inconvenient times we rise in their way and impede their most absorbing occupations4 ,on their excursions into the wilds of fancy it is we who obtrude and with philistine complacency drive them back into the gross world of wash-basins and table manners4 ,three small boys are busy blasting4 ,one is a workman2 a second is the fuse2 the third is the hole1 and is about to explode for the sixth time4 ,who interrupts with some trivial but insistent remark about less noise or clean clothes8 ,one of us4 ,and the worst of it is that we who are so troublesomely recurrent1 and who are their source of supplies1 seem to be incapable of appreciating the delights of becoming at will a trolley-car1 an alligator1 a goblin1 or a hole in the ground4 ,that is the sort of environment we are2 and if we are going to adjust our children to it1 we ought to understand how knurly it is4 ,when we understand that1 we shall perhaps see the importance of giving our children a chance to explode without being flung repeatedly against our prosy protuberances4 ,sometimes we can manage that by simply giving them room for their own ,arcady4 7,and it is not our business to insist that their ,arcady be our sort47 ,sometimes it will be necessary to manage this otherwise4 ,we may1 for instance1 live in a flat4 ,in that case we may actually have to exercise some imagination and suggest to them an occupation which will keep them from a too rasping contact with us4 ,the first requisite1 then1 for peace is a reasonable degree of non-interference4 ,interference1 however1 we cannot always avoid4 ,then the question becomes one of interfering without friction4 ,any one can give commands to a child1 or instruct him after a fashion1 or punish him2 but to exercise authority over a child and at the same time keep on good terms with him1 that is an art in which we are not all equally adept4 ,but it is an art we must master if we are to be free of unnecessary annoyance and a great deal of fruitless pother4 ,we cannot be on good terms with a healthy child except on the basis of justice4 ,that is one reason why an altercation with a child is a sign of failure in discipline3 it is not sportsmanlike4 ,it lacks the prime element of justice1 an equal chance for each opponent4 ,when we take a child for an antagonist1 we do not enter a square fight2 we have him at an unfair advantage4 ,he knows it as well as we1 and that is why1 even if we win--as win we ought with size and strength and wit on our side--our victory is an inglorious failure4 ,when he succumbs in the struggle1 he has learned only one thing--that he must enlarge his resources4 ,a small boy leaves his sled in the front hall4 ,he is ordered to remove it and he refuses4 ,then comes the tussle4 ,rather than go to bed1 he finally complies4 ,the next time he awaits the approach of a visitor4 ,this time he leaves his sled in the front hall and flees4 ,he has learned his lesson--to pick the place and moment for battle when the enemy is at a disadvantage4 ,the visitor1 serenely unconscious of the fact1 has diverted the enemy4 ,the sled is whisked out of sight4 ,no penalty now inflicted on the boy can be to him other than the manifestation of resentment and chagrin on the part of an outwitted adversary4 ,in such a case what does justice suggest8 ,there is the voice of one in authority4 ,your sled is in the front hall2 put it away4 ,but ,i don't want to4 ,i'm playing4 ,the affair seems to be at an end4 ,there is no insistence2 there are no threats4 ,a day later4 ,mamma6 ,mamma6 ,where's my sled8 ,did you look in its place8 ,yes1 and it isn't there4 ,where did you leave it8 ,i don't know4 ,think4 7,with shamed face7 ,i guess in the front hall4 ,you had better look in the front hall1 then4 ,it isn't there4 ,did you expect to find it there8 ,no-o4 ,there is no ground for altercation here4 ,perhaps there may be need for explanation4 ,the loss of a day's coasting in this case may be actually a severer punishment than the threatened hours in bed in the other case1 but it comes in the course of justice1 and the boy knows it4 ,nobody has won a victory1 because there has been no struggle2 but somebody has learned a lesson4 ,and through it all the boy remains on good terms with his environment4 ,of course it would never do for a child to live in too just a world2 his awakening upon entrance into the world that we grown folks have made for ourselves would be cruelly rude4 ,he must have ample chance to learn how to meet injustice4 ,happily1 such chance will frequently come his way without any solicitude on our part4 ,one can discern something almost purposeful in the fact that the sense of justice is no part of the parental instinct4 ,indeed1 it seems as if it had been made especially difficult for grown people to deal justly with children4 ,for one thing1 in order to be just with a child one must be prepared to believe anything1 no matter how preposterous4 ,once on a time a little girl was going downstairs4 ,in her arms she held a precious doll4 ,she knew that it was a prized family possession4 ,to her consternation she suddenly felt it leave her hold1 and in an instant she saw it lying broken upon the stairs4 ,when she was questioned by her mother1 she announced simply that the doll had jumped from her arms4 ,in spite of all that her mother said to her on the evil of willful untruth1 she persisted in her story4 ,whether she was punished ,i do not know2 but if she was1 it was not because of an accident1 but because of a falsehood4 ,in any case1 she suffered the indignity of being disbelieved4 ,for a long time the feeling of injustice rankled in her4 ,it was not until she had grown old enough to learn that a doll cannot leap that she relinquished her faith in the statement which had been treated by her mother as a lie4 ,a dash of credulity would have established a good understanding with that child2 but that was too much to expect4 ,it is not easy to be credulous at the right times4 ,that is one reason why we need never take pains lest we be too just with our children4 ,with the best of intentions1 the most competent of us will now and then lapse into deeds of injustice4 ,if we discovered them all1 we should lead uneasy lives4 ,a kind ,providence1 however1 keeps us oblivious of most of them2 and our children are slow in learning to preserve a grudge4 ,when one of us1 however1 discovers that he has been unjust toward his child1 what does he do8 ,that depends on his standards4 ,if his ambition is to be omniscient and infallible1 he keeps the discovery to himself1 and1 if he corrects the injustice1 manages by some subterfuge to make the correction1 not an act of justice1 but an act of grace4 ,his policy might be epitomized in ,jowett's motto for public men3 with children his practice is1 ,never retract1 never explain2 get it done1 and let them howl4 ,for one who does not care to pay the price of courage and self-respect1 this rule can be made to work very well4 ,one whose ambition1 however1 is to be authoritative with children will value sincerity with them as a principle and not as an expedient4 ,karl has apparently been guilty of willful disobedience2 he has done something he was told not to do4 ,the punishment which regularly follows rebellion is announced4 ,it then transpires that what seemed disobedience was really misunderstanding4 ,what can be done8 ,since the maternal court does not crave infallibility1 the error in sentence is acknowledged4 ,so far from impairing confidence in the court1 this proceeding actually tends to buttress it4 ,the next time an adverse judgment is declared and sentence is inflicted1 the culprit1 even if he believes himself guiltless1 will1 if he thinks about it at all1 suspect that the judge is attempting1 not to preserve her dignity1 but honestly to administer justice4 ,a child can pay his parents no greater honor than by protesting1 in the belief that he will be heard1 that a threatened punishment would be unfair4 ,even that mother who finds other occupations more dignified and gratifying than that of motherhood cannot wholly escape the necessity of deciding whether the ground of her dealings with her children shall be justice or something else4 ,in delegating responsibility to servants1 she must decide whether she will delegate authority also4 ,the woman who puts her children in the charge of a hired maid and then declares1 ,i will never require a child of mine to obey a servant1 deliberately chooses to be unjust to her children4 ,that she is also unjust to the servant is not so grave a matter4 ,the servant can1 if she wishes1 find another mistress2 but the child is compelled to be content as he can with that mother4 ,such a woman is usually quite powerless to secure obedience toward herself4 ,when her daughters are grown1 she wonders why they do not become her friends2 when her sons are grown1 she wonders why they exhibit no desire for her companionship4 ,the only footing for comradeship is fair dealing4 ,even a sense of humor1 essential as that is1 will not take its place4 ,who would be a comrade with his children must first be just with them4 ,v ,,for ',,tis ,,their ,,nature ,,to ,why we expect children to be more tranquil than a parliamentary body or a ministers' meeting ,i do not know and cannot imagine4 ,to be troubled because children quarrel is to deplore one of their chief prerogatives--the prerogative of being themselves4 ,the time to be troubled is not when they quarrel merely1 but when they quarrel in the wrong way or about wrong things4 ,to teach children how to quarrel and what to quarrel about is one of the duties of parents4 ,together with some compensating advantages1 an only child has one indisputable misfortune3 there is no one in the family he can really quarrel with4 ,no altercation he might have with a grown-up could be dignified with the name of quarrel4 ,all his quarreling he must do outside his home4 ,consequently1 he cannot receive from his parents all the attention that he might receive if he were1 say1 one of six4 ,when he finally encounters other children1 he does not know the bounds either of expediency in tolerating their idiosyncrasies1 or of right in maintaining his own4 ,with skill his parents may acquire artificially for themselves1 as well as for him1 the experiences which naturally befall a larger household4 ,it is plain1 therefore1 that those parents are fortunate who have quarreling children4 ,to them avenues of education are open which are closed to the parents of an only child4 ,i do not refer to those roads which1 originating in the nursery1 have led to the depths of theology or to the heights of moral discourse4 ,the road which has landed more than one theologian in meditation upon the depraved nature of the child may well have had its beginning in childish quarrels4 ,there was ,jonathan ,edwards1 for instance2 he had ten sisters and about as many children4 ,this suggests a fit subject for a thesis4 ,then that pleasanter if less picturesque way1 bordered with the flowers and the weeds of rhetoric1 which has brought the preacher and the versifier to sermons and rhymes for the edification of the young1 must have received many a traveler from tributary paths of domestic strife4 ,isaac ,watts1 for instance1 who being dead yet speaketh of dogs and bears and lions and children1 was the eldest of nine4 ,the avenues of education to which ,i refer1 however1 are open only to parents or vice-parents1 and lead only to parental skill4 ,some parents act as if they did not even know that these avenues exist4 ,consequently1 when they encounter contention among their offspring1 they fly in all directions at once4 ,this undoubtedly makes for agility4 ,for example3-- ,waves of turmoil burst through the closed doors of the playroom1 flood the stairway1 and whelm to the ears the placid group of grown-ups in the living-room4 ,as the visiting cousin nervously halts her small talk1 and the tired mother lays down her knitting1 the master of the house1 with an air of finality1 gesturing the others into subsidence1 breasts the billows of sound4 ,upward1 two steps in a stride1 he makes an assault upon the playroom4 ,what's all this about8 as he flings open the door4 ,bless me6 everybody can hear you all over the house4 ,your mother and ,i aren't undertaking to keep a zoo4 ,do you suppose that somebody can be running up here every five minutes8 ,besides1 don't you know that your mother's cousin ,bettina is visiting us1 and that she is distracted by this sort of uproar8 ,now don't try to interrupt4 ,what did you say8 ,that ,ruth threw a coal-car at you8 ,why1 ,ruth1 my little girl6 that's a very dangerous thing to do4 ,if you had struck one of the boys in the eye1 you might have made him blind4 ,i shall have to take the cars away1 if you are going to do dangerous things with them4 ,what's that8 ,they're not ,ruth's cars8 ,what of it8 ,does that make them any the less dangerous8 ,now1 don't interrupt again4 ,besides1 ,ruth1 that was a very unladylike thing for a little girl to do4 ,and1 boys1 you are at fault1 too4 ,ruth would never have done that if you hadn't done something to her4 ,is that the way young gentlemen should treat a young lady8 ,and ,ruth is younger than you4 ,she can't defend herself unless she does something like that4 ,i shall have to punish you all2 perhaps that will help you to learn how to behave4 ,now1 you boys1 go over to ,ruth and ask her pardon2 and1 ,ruth1 you kiss them and tell them you're sorry4 ,and now play together properly4 ,see if you can't get along till tea-time without making a disturbance4 ,satisfied that he has settled an acute difficulty1 this composite father1 in whose voice has sounded some tones that ,i dare not disown1 descends the peaceful stairs4 ,what he has actually done has been to throw into hopeless unsettlement a situation that was after a fashion already half settled4 ,if the children are quiet1 it is because they are dazed by the feats of an acrobatic adult mind4 ,they have watched their father make a circuit of the situation1 cross at least a half-dozen paths that led safely out1 and1 ignoring all1 return to the point of departure4 ,the benefit they have received from the performance is not at all the benefit he believes he has imparted4 ,it has not been1 as he fancies1 the benefit of discipline2 it has been the benefit of diversion4 ,as for himself1 he has received that most welcome of benefits--a mental frame of complacency4 ,not being as nimble as he1 we may find it worth our while to stop for a moment at each path that he passed and explore it4 ,what we are prone to forget is that from almost every difficulty of this kind there are several exits1 and that there is no progress made in attempting to travel more than one at a time4 ,in this case1 all need for the display of gymnastics might have been avoided by the consideration of a few simple questions4 ,one question has precedence of all others3 ,shall ,i interfere or not8 ,to decide that question in the negative is to eliminate all the others4 ,that it is necessary to do this1 the conjunction of a quarrel and a luncheon party may demonstrate4 ,the critical time comes when there is no luncheon party4 ,to allow children some chance to settle their own differences is as certainly an act of discipline as it is to settle every difference for them4 ,it is none the less discipline for the children because it seems to be chiefly self-discipline4 ,a younger sister once had a grievance2 she made her protest with a strident whine4 ,annoyed by the outburst1 her mother descended upon the whole crew1 wormed out the merits of the case1 and with an even hand apportioned among the offenders penalty or reproof4 ,having profited1 as it happened1 by this occurrence1 the small girl1 the next time she wished to gain an advantage over the others1 resorted to the same whining outcry4 ,immediately the three older children fell to playing church4 ,with a loud and discordant hymn1 they designed to drown the sound of protest4 ,though at this time in the right1 they preferred not to take the risk4 ,already well trained by her children1 that mother was quick to remain where she was4 ,it sometimes requires alertness to do nothing4 ,just though her interference had been1 she saw that it not only had encouraged in one child an annoying mode of complaint1 but also had suggested to the others a noisy mode of averting judgment4 ,thereafter it seemed easier for her to hesitate before participating in her children's controversies4 ,how can children experiment with the principles with which their elders have tried to endow them1 except upon those occasions when those didactic elders do not interfere8 ,how1 on the other hand1 can those same elders see what effect their precepts have had1 unless the children can begin a quarrel on the chance that they may end it themselves8 ,deliberately to determine not to interfere in a children's quarrel comes not of grace but of labor4 ,any one can lapse into indifference as to the merits of a dispute between two youngsters1 but only one who has come through affliction to self-control can at the same time maintain an acute interest in the triumph of the just cause and keep his hands off4 ,the virtue of non-interference is not a gift1 it is an achievement4 ,occasions which demand interference1 however1 occur frequently enough to supply with plenty of exercise any normally active parental mind4 ,whenever it is clearly best that the children should not be allowed to end their quarrel themselves1 the parent who is not in search merely of self-complacency can ask himself a number of questions4 ,usually1 the time for asking and answering those questions is very brief4 ,the exercise is vigorous while it lasts4 ,on the way from the living-room to the nursery1 the hastening parent can1 for example1 perform this rapid mental scale passage3 ,to what purpose am ,i interfering8 ,is it to suppress a noise8 or to avert a danger8 or to teach courtesy8 or to instruct in morals8 or to do justice8 or to establish an amicable basis8 ,later1 and perhaps more deliberately1 he will run over this scale of questions3 ,what means shall ,i use8 ,shall it be force8 or argument8 or ridicule8 or explanation8 or advice8 or instruction8 or command8 or punishment8 ,it requires practice to pounce upon the note principally out of tune in a wealth of discord1 and then to choose the one tool that will set it right2 but then1 there is no vocation more exciting than parenthood4 ,the noise of a quarrel may be its most serious offense4 ,we can admit that fact without accepting as an invariable rule the maxim of our nervous1 overwrought ancestors1 ,children should be seen and not heard4 ,at times it seems1 indeed1 as if the present age were too phlegmatic4 ,there are people for whose nerves children should be made to have some regard2 there are invalids who do not thrive on din2 there is necessary work which cannot be done in the midst of a racket2 there are neighbors who declare1 with some show of right1 that they regard monopoly in noise as against public policy4 ,so1 whether for the sake of cousin ,bettina's nerves1 or a tired mother's rest1 or a busy father's conference with a creditor1 or merely for the sake of reputation with the neighbors1 it may be best to disregard all other factors and insist on quiet4 ,that seems clear enough4 ,the trouble with us pretentious grown-ups is that usually when we undertake to stop a quarrel because it is disturbing1 we delude ourselves into thinking that we have some high moral purpose4 ,we can expose our own fatuity by simply inquiring of ourselves1 when we begin our preachment1 ,would we have interfered if this quarrel had not been so strepitous8 ,it is one of the annoyances in the training of children that if we are to be honest with them1 we must be honest with ourselves4 ,i do not see how that can be helped4 ,and with children honesty is prerequisite to authority4 ,to pretend that we chiefly want them to be good at a time when really we chiefly want them to be quiet is to renounce all influence over them when really we arrive at the point of chiefly wanting them to be good4 ,that is reason enough for being honest with them4 ,so when we set out towards a quarrel with the determination of suppressing a noise1 we shall1 if we are honest1 deal with the quarrel1 not as turpitude1 but as noise4 ,we may not be able to persuade the contestants of the existence of nerves1 or headaches1 or creditors1 or neighbors1 or even of our own reasonableness2 but we shall at least probably succeed in conveying to them the genuineness of this single idea that is uppermost in our own mind3 if you can't quarrel quietly1 you shall not quarrel at all4 ,if later we wish to impress upon them the necessity of being considerate of others1 we can use that specific quarrel as an illustration without risking with them our reputation for singleness4 ,a quarrel may involve something which1 even more than noise1 demands instant interference4 ,two small boys were in an altercation4 ,the older had a ball4 ,the younger wanted that ball with a consuming hunger4 ,the nearest weapon at hand was the discarded shaft of a golf club4 ,seizing it1 he began his attack with reckless fury4 ,the sound of a blow upon a piece of furniture followed by an outcry of fear brought their father to the room4 ,his thought was not for anybody's manners or morals1 nor for the disturbance1 nor for a just settlement of the contest2 it was for the defenseless boy's head4 ,there was but one possible measure3 immediate and forcible confiscation of the club4 ,this was frankly not punishment--which would have involved a moral judgment--but simply humane intervention4 ,the announcement that the club was to remain confiscated for a week merely emphasized the extent of the intervention1 not the severity of a punishment4 ,the incident might have served as an occasion for a lecture upon the danger of the wanton use of weapons2 as a matter of fact1 ,i believe1 it was1 of a sort2 but-- ,oh1 daddy1 it was my ball6 ,no1 daddy1 really it wasn't6 ,all such discussion as to the merits of the dispute was quashed4 ,likewise was stifled all inclination on the part of the intervening parent to deliver a lesson on the evils of an ungovernable temper4 ,that might not have been confusing1 if it could have been made distinct from the act of intervention2 but it was not necessary4 ,the fault was not an excess of temper so much as a thoughtless or ignorant use of power4 ,at least1 that was the judgment on which this father acted4 ,whether he was right or wrong is not to the point2 what is to the point is that he formed his judgment1 acted upon it1 and did not obscure the issue by confusing the consequences--or possible consequences--of a deed with its moral character4 ,just as the physical consequence of a quarrel may be more important than its moral aspects1 so may be its significance as an exhibition of manners4 ,when their elders hopelessly intermingle precepts as to the amenities with deliverances upon ethics1 children can hardly be blamed if they come to regard murder as in the same category with the wearing of tan boots to the accompaniment of a frock coat4 ,an altercation marked by vulgarity1 or even by nothing more than delinquencies in courtesy1 may be more distasteful to grown-ups than one involving meanness or deceit4 ,in such a case we may give interference the form of an expression of disgust1 and keep the issue clear4 ,if1 however1 we allow it to take the form of punishment1 we might as well admit to ourselves that we are engaged not in disciplining children but in relieving our own feelings1 and be grateful that we have at hand such an outlet for our emotions4 ,occasionally there arises a quarrel which supplies a text for a moral lesson4 ,a quarrel of this sort arose one day between a small boy of five or six and his sister a year or two older4 ,the mother of these two had issued a command to the younger that he take off his wet shoes4 ,in a few minutes she heard the sound of struggle4 ,it called for investigation4 ,there on the nursery floor was the lad1 tearful and angry2 near at hand his sister1 reproachful and indignant4 ,it appeared that his neglect of the order had aroused her to action4 ,he resented her assumption of authority2 she resented his resentment4 ,the case was not as simple as it appeared to be4 ,punishment of the small boy without explanation would have seemed to him like punishment for disobedience toward a sister who was without authority4 ,on the other hand1 a rebuke of the sister for unwarranted assumption of authority would have seemed to her like a rebuke for loyalty to her mother4 ,it was a case1 not primarily for punishment or even for rebuke1 but for moral instruction1 or1 if you prefer1 explanation4 ,as an occasion for the doing of justice1 a quarrel among children often presents great perplexities4 ,it is hard for a mother to be a just judge between her children4 ,this is partly because she is so practiced in partiality for her children that she revolts at the apparent hardness of impersonal fairness2 partly because she frequently cannot ascertain the facts4 ,a mother who loves justice while she loves her children will not be quick to ascend the bench4 ,sometimes1 however1 she must4 ,there was once called1 for instance1 the case of ,ronald vs4 ,dan4 ,after a statement of the case made in turn by the two litigants1 and confirmed or corrected by the visiting playmate ,davy1 the facts seemed to be as follows3 ,the boys were cutting advertising pictures out of newspapers4 ,each of the boys had his own pile of newspapers which was his property4 ,dan had on one of his papers a picture which he did not care for1 but which ,ronald cared for very much4 ,no sooner had ,ronald expressed his desire for this picture than ,dan crumpled the paper up in his hand and threw it into the waste-basket4 ,hence the complaint4 ,the act was undeniably one of meanness2 it was done with the intent to exasperate2 but it transgressed no rights4 ,the paper was ,dan's property1 to be disposed of as he pleased4 ,ronald had not the slightest claim upon it4 ,this was clearly understood4 ,while the trial was in progress1 ,davy1 the witness1 fished the paper out of the waste-basket1 where it had become the personal property of nobody1 cut out the picture1 smoothed its wrinkles1 and presented it to the grateful ,ronald4 ,justice to ,dan had compelled the recognition of his right to do with his own as he pleased4 ,judgment rendered for the defendant4 ,could any mother be satisfied with that outcome8 ,so far as determining whether punishment was to be measured out1 that ended the case4 ,strictly observing as between herself and her children their property rights1 that judge could not refuse to enforce those rights as among themselves4 ,this case1 however1 raised another question than that of justice4 ,this was the question of future amity4 ,the generous action of ,davy1 the witness1 made it possible to use the incident for furthering not only just but also happy relations among the children4 ,it made the defendant somewhat ashamed of himself1 although of course it did not in the least obscure to his mind the consciousness that the judge had dealt with him justly4 ,it moreover restored the sun to the complainant's cloudy face4 ,thus at the same time it impressed on the mind of the guilty a sense of his own meanness and effaced the memory of that meanness from the mind of the aggrieved4 ,it is not always that a judge has a ,davy at hand4 ,it will not1 however1 necessarily confuse matters if she act the part of ,davy herself4 ,it is sometimes possible thus to give a practical demonstration of the fact that the spoils of justice are not always satisfying4 ,as in walking1 so in living with our fellows1 some friction is necessary4 ,to deprive a child of friction with other children is to keep him in slippery places4 ,unless we wish to teach him how to elude his kind1 we shall not begrudge him his wholesome contests of skill1 of wit1 of strength1 of temper4 ,we shall only take care that he does his fighting fairly and not on too slight a provocation1 that he knows how to yield to the weakness of another1 that he does not learn to whine or snivel1 that he does not become a tale-bearer1 that he can take defeat or rebuke without callousness and without a whimper1 that he becomes capable of forgetting his resentments and his personal triumphs over others1 and that of all his victories1 he learns to value most those which he wins over himself4 ,,vi ,,the ,,beginning ,,of ,,wisdom ,the master of the house had returned from a visit to the country home4 ,whom do you suppose ,i saw to-day8 ,the children could not imagine4 ,old ,robert4 ,and what do you think he said8 ,the guesses flew wide4 ,no2 you're all wrong4 ,what he said was1 ',how are the little men8' ,then up rose ,deacon1 as the old colored man had dubbed him1 the youngest1 blandest1 tricksiest of the trio2 and he laughed in derisive resentment4 ,i think old ,robert is funny4 ,he calls us little men4 ,i don't think people will like old ,robert if he calls 'em names4 ,names6 ,will children never cease to shock us by their points of view8 ,old ,robert1 like a well-baked pie1 had put all the richness of his highly flavored feeling for the lads into that one phrase4 ,he made it serve him as a message of loyalty1 respect1 affection1 comradeship4 ,old ,robert had probably never heard of ,james ,mill2 and if he had1 he would not have cited him as an authority2 for old ,robert did not act according to the logic of his phrase4 ,james ,mill1 however1 did just that2 he proceeded on the theory that it is wholesome to treat children as if they were miniature men and women4 ,he began with his first-born by fitting to him an intellectual frock coat and tall hat4 ,why he waited till the youngster was three years old no one1 so far as ,i know1 has ever explained4 ,without much further delay he also gave him a religious outfit4 ,this1 though decidedly less conventional than his intellectual wardrobe1 had the same adult cut4 ,it was not the ,benthamite fashion of his religious garb1 but its mature lines1 that gave ,john ,stuart ,mill his air of fascinating priggishness and suave conceit4 ,our taste1 unlike ,james ,mill's1 may be for orthodoxy4 ,we need not on that account despair of imbuing our children with religious precocity and self-assurance4 ,before he was ten years old1 ,john ,stuart ,mill had learned that ,christianity was immoral1 and that there was no personal ,god4 ,there is no reason why any child at the same age may not know all the mysteries of predestinarianism1 and be old in the experiences of sanctification4 ,all we need is the diligence1 the courage1 the determination of ,james ,mill4 ,in these qualities some of our forbears had the advantage of us4 ,they knew very definitely what they wished their children to do and to believe4 ,among them was an ,american contemporary of ,james ,mill1 the ,rev4 ,carlton ,hurd4 ,there are people still living who gratefully recall the ministration of this kindly1 stalwart ,new ,england divine4 ,he so ran as not uncertainly2 so fought he1 not as one that beateth the air4 ,and his certitude did not forsake him in the training of his little daughter4 ,it may seem almost grotesque to couple the ,english author and employee of the ,east ,india ,company with the ,orthodox ,american parson4 ,the one held beliefs antipodal to those of the other4 ,james ,mill1 moreover1 not being able to believe in a ,god so stern as to create this evil world1 made up what was lacking in the cosmos by cultivating in himself an iron sternness toward his son2 on the other hand1 ,parson ,hurd1 as he is still affectionately called1 being fully persuaded of the existence of a ,god capable of infinite wrath1 seemed to cherish in himself1 as sort of compensation1 a most touching solicitude for his daughter4 ,in only one respect did ,parson ,hurd resemble ,james ,mill1--in having and holding to a body of convictions which were1 to his mind1 not only indisputable1 but also1 in substance at least1 essential to the proper adornment of the mind of a child4 ,the letter in which he tells the story of ,marion ,lyle ,hurd is the narrative of a complete and orderly religious experience4 ,marion died at the age of four years4 ,when she was eight months old1 her parents read to her from leaflets for ,sabbath ,schools4 ,they explained to her1 when she was a year and a half old1 in answer to questions from her1 the origin and use of the ,bible4 ,they noted that when she had reached the age of two her mind was seriously exercised with religious things4 ,at that time she would sometimes kneel down and would say3-- ,mother1 ,i am going to pray4 ,what shall ,i say to ,god8 ,ask ,god to make you good and give you a new heart4 ,what is a new heart1 ,mother8 ,this was familiarly explained1 writes her father1 and at the same time she was particularly informed of the way of salvation by ,jesus ,christ1 and the steps ,god had taken to save sinners4 ,we endeavored to impress upon her mind that she was a sinner and needed forgiveness2 and ,god would forgive her sins1 and give her a new heart through ,jesus ,christ4 ,that from this time she chiefly devoted her few remaining days to the acquisition of religious knowledge her father finds to be a consoling reflection4 ,he adds1 with conscientious caution1 ,if she was truly converted1 we cannot tell when the change took place4 ,her parents hoped1 however1 after she had died two years later1 that she had entered 'the city of our ,god4' ,though they had no means of perceiving the approach of the disease of the brain which occasioned her death1 they realized that the sensitiveness and activity of her mind warned them to lead ,marion with the gentlest hand2 to make her way as quiet and even as possible4 ,in this third year the books which were read to her included ,parley's ,geography and ,astronomy1 ,gallaudet's ,child's ,book on the ,soul1 and ,daily ,food for ,christians4 ,in her fourth year her books1 which she read to herself1 were1 besides the ,bible1 ,child's ,book on ,repentance1 ,life of ,moses1 ,family ,hymns1 ,union ,hymns1 ,daily ,food1 ,lessons for ,sabbath ,schools1 ,henry ,milnor1 ,watts's ,divine ,songs1 ,memoir of ,john ,mooney ,mead1 ,nathan ,w4 ,dickerman1 ,todd's ,lectures to ,children1 and ,pilgrim's ,progress4 ,as these titles indicate1 she was particularly fond of reading the biography of good little children4 ,of all her books1 however1 ,bunyan's masterpiece seems to have been the most instructive4 ,her knowledge of the allegory was tested by questions4 ,she knew why ,christian went through the river while ,ignorance was ferried over4 ,she knew what was meant by the ,slough of ,despond and the losing of the ,burden4 ,when we come to ,christ1 said she1 we 7not ,christians1 or people1 or you1 but we7 lose our sins4 ,and she sought from her father a certificate to enter the ,city4 ,we cannot doubt1 comments her father1 ,marion understood much of what was intended to be taught in that book1 which ,phillip says1 in his life of ,john ,bunyan1 contains the essence of all theology4 ,certainly1 she was familiar with every step of the pathway of holiness trod by ,christian1 from the city of ,destruction through the river of death to the ',celestial ,city4' ,and later he adds that she evinced a familiar acquaintance with all parts of that allegory and its doctrine4 ,though he makes clear in his letter that it is not the piety of the full grown and mature christian1 that we are to look for in a child1 he makes equally clear that in all essential particulars her piety was complete4 ,it included even a regard for the significance of eternal reward and penalty4 ,from ,doddridge's ,expositor1 both by examining the pictures and reading the sacred text under the direction of her father1 she derived many ideas of the crucifixion and resurrection of ,jesus1 and the general resurrection at the end of the world4 ,marion1 continues the narrative1 after closely inspecting the countenances given in those pictures1 both to the just and unjust1 in the resurrection1 would say1 ',oh6 how the wicked look1 when they rise from the dead6' adding in a serious and solemn manner1 ',there is a dreadful hell1 ,and everlasting pains1 ,where sinners must with devils dwell1 ,in darkness1 fire1 and chains4' ,indeed1 from the earlier months1 life after death1 the happiness of the good1 and the misery of the wicked1 were topics of frequent and delightful conversation with her parents4 ,in her last hours she expressed her assurance that she would be saved1 and her last audible words were1 ,i am not afraid to die4 ,thus ended this brief life of four years and twenty-six days4 ,an example of such training would be hard to find among parents of the present day4 ,this is not because there are no parents who have ,parson ,hurd's convictions2 neither is it because there are none who have his confidence in the capacity of children4 ,it is because there are lacking parents who have both the convictions and the confidence4 ,the reason why many parents fail where ,james ,mill and ,parson ,hurd succeeded is that they try to make compromise between two contradictory theories4 ,although they wish to give their children a full complement of doctrines1 they either do not possess the full complement themselves1 or do not believe that their children are mature enough to receive it4 ,the spectacle of adults attempting to instruct a primary class in the ,logos ,doctrine by the kindergarten method is thoroughly modern4 ,if the way of ,parson ,hurd and ,james ,mill seems to us either too hard or unreal1 there is another way that may be found4 ,that is the studious exclusion of religion from the life--even from the knowledge--of our children4 ,it was this way that ,j4 ,s4 ,mill supposed his father set him traveling4 ,of course he was mistaken when he said in his autobiography that he never had religious belief4 ,he was embowered in religious1 though not in ,christian1 or even in theistic1 belief4 ,the way that he walked was erroneously marked on his map2 that was all4 ,this is worth noting because it indicates how easily even a logician may miss this obscure way of no religion4 ,those who would lead their children by this route must avoid the very shadow of religion as they would that of the upas4 ,indeed1 against even the air that has passed the shadow of religion they must quarantine their children4 ,religion is infectious4 ,it can be conveyed by the subtlest means4 ,to it children are perilously liable4 ,against it there seems to be no trustworthy antitoxin4 ,children are surrounded by infected people4 ,a chance word may deposit the germ4 ,one child out of the brood may thus fall a victim to a particularly virulent species of religion simply because he never had it in a mild form4 ,nevertheless1 it is possible to establish a quarantine that may chance to remain effective for years4 ,by this means children may be kept from a knowledge of religion just as many are safely1 or dangerously1 kept from a knowledge of what most people regard as advanced physiology4 ,one family1 ,i am told1 has taken this way4 ,how successful it has proved1 ,i cannot say4 ,all ,i have heard is that one member of the family is now enlisted in the ministry4 ,this does not necessarily betoken failure4 ,the theory was simply that each child was to be kept immune until he was old enough to decide for himself whether or not he would take the infection4 ,this way is not the way of indifference4 ,it cannot be followed by any one who is not profoundly affected by religion1 whether hostile or friendly to it4 ,it may require less routine diligence than the other way1 but it requires more anxious circumspection4 ,different from either of these is that third way blazed by the developing traits of our children4 ,those who take it cannot regard religion as a form of doctrines or practices to be handed over to their child ready-made2 neither can they regard it as a superfluity1 which they are to withdraw from their child until he can choose to avoid it as a danger or accept it as a luxury4 ,they can regard it only as a mode of life and therefore a mode of growth4 ,they conceive it to be quite as perfect when it is genuinely manifested in the immaturities of the boy or girl as when it is shown in the riper forms of old age4 ,not that they undervalue doctrines4 ,they know that there never was a religion that did not formulate itself4 ,they look1 however1 for the doctrines to follow the religion1 not the religion the doctrines4 ,they are not surprised when they find their children constructing a philosophy of religion for themselves4 ,once upon a time a little girl was heard to address her dolls3 ,there's us1 and ,bridget1 and ,jews4 ,we're all made of the same material2 and we all have the same ,father2 ,i guess the difference is that some are more refined than others4 ,no grown-up could have given her in the same number of words a more thoroughly typical example of theology3 a union of anthropology1 biology1 and metaphysics1 with a quasi-ethical conclusion4 ,no ecumenical creed could have been more valid for the generation that produced it than could this brief philosophy be for her4 ,those who would take this third way well know1 too1 that there are some phases of religion from which it may be well1 if possible1 to save children for a time4 ,it is no more necessary to feed them on ,dante's ,inferno than on ,welsh rabbit4 ,this1 however1 is very different from enforcing abstinence from all religious food4 ,conceding as much as this1 then1 to dogma and to caution1 those who do not object to seeing a child grow will--let him grow4 ,they will not be surprised if he looks out on the world with wonder4 ,neither will they be surprised if his wonder is slow in reaching satiety4 ,it is sometimes very leisurely4 ,davy1 aged six1 asked one day at table3 ,mamma1 what's above the clouds8 ,air4 ,after a moment of thought3 ,what's above the air8 ,ether4 ,another moment of thought2 then1 ,what's above the ether8 ,more ether4 ,ether is everywhere4 ,throughout this colloquy1 ,davy's brother ,donald1 two years younger1 seemed no more attentive than usual2 which means he was quite inattentive4 ,a few weeks later1 ,davy had occasion to tell some one the story of the ,tower of ,babel1 and added his usual formula1 ,i think they were foolish to try to get up to ,god1 for ,god is everywhere4 ,donald's mind seemed busily engaged about some other matter4 ,a few months passed1 and ,donald1 now turned five1 ,donald the inattentive1 suddenly thrust at his mother this question3-- ,is ,god ether8 ,no1 said his mother1 with a little hesitating inflection2 she was trying to prepare herself for the unknown but inevitable sequence4 ,it came promptly3-- ,is ,god the universe8 ,not willing to commit herself to pantheism1 she answered again1 ,no2 and this time her inflection was more hesitant and inquiring than before4 ,how can ,god be everywhere8 ,for all those months that wonder had been nestling in that small mind until it grew brave enough to become vocal4 ,ether everywhere2 ,god everywhere2 ,god is ether4 ,why not8 ,and if not1 how can both be true8 ,grandfather is in the library2 perhaps he can tell you4 ,a sound on the stairway like the roll of a drum and ,donald was down in the library4 ,grandfather1 how can ,god be everywhere8 ,grandfather touched ,donald's hand3 ,is ,donald here1 or1 touching his shoulders1 is he here1 or1 touching his chest1 is he here1 or1 touching his knee1 is he here8 ,donald did not hesitate2 touching each spot in turn1 he answered3 ,donald is here1 and here1 and here1 and here4 ,so it is with ,god1 said his grandfather2 he is in ,new ,york and ,england and ,china and the sun and the moon and the stars4 ,with a smile that broke like the dawn1 and that meant both understanding and gratitude1 ,donald stood thoughtfully still a moment1 and then skipped off to his blocks4 ,wonder4 ,that seems to be the first phase of religious experience1 and it grows silently unless it is thrust out by some grown-up body's system1 or is atrophied by studious neglect4 ,miracles8 ,santa ,claus8 ,need we trouble ourselves about these when our children are sun-worshipers1 polytheists1 pagans8 ,wonder is only one part of religion4 ,the natural response to wonder is ritual4 ,and children1 whether we like it or not1 are natively ritualistic4 ,the little son of a well-known writer went with his mother for the first time in his life to service in the ,church of ,england4 ,as they entered1 the people were singing2 as the music ended1 the people knelt4 ,what are they going to do now1 ,mamma8 ,they are going to kneel and say their prayers4 ,what6 with all their clothes on8 ,untrained in ecclesiasticism1 that small boy had developed a ritual of his own4 ,night-clothes1 to his mind1 were essential to the proprieties of religion4 ,what does it matter to the ritualist whether or not he understands all the words he says8 ,the ritual itself is his reaction to the spirit of reverence4 ,indeed1 ritual is almost a prerequisite to the spirit of reverence4 ,it is ,professor ,james who has said that a man does not double up his fists because he is angry1 or tremble because he is afraid2 he is afraid because he trembles1 and is angry because he doubles up his fist4 ,so one may say that a man does not kneel because he is reverent2 he is reverent because he kneels4 ,what power ritual has needs no further demonstration than that afforded by the ,society of ,friends4 ,what ritual surpasses in power that of the ,quaker meeting-house8 ,what vestments have given color and form to character more effectually than the old-fashioned ,quaker garb8 ,if we wish our children to have the spirit of courtesy1 we insist that they acquire the habit of speaking politely4 ,if we wish them to have the spirit of reverence--there is no knowing what we shall do1 for most of us are very human and irrational4 ,that is the reason why we shall probably be careless in considering the question of church attendance4 ,there are some of us1 perhaps1 who have the sense to give an intelligent answer to the question1 ,why don't you have your children go to church8 ,there is only one rational answer to that question4 ,it might be put into some such form as this3 ,i have no special objection to churches4 ,they are useful4 ,so are free libraries4 ,people who have no books at home find free libraries a great benefit2 but my family have at home all the books they need4 ,so people who are not well supplied with religion derive undoubted benefit from churches2 but my family have at home all the religion they need4 ,the community would be about as well off without any churches as it is with the churches it has4 ,if no other charity seems more important1 ,i am willing to contribute to a church as ,i might to a free library2 but really ,i see no reason why ,i should go to church myself1 or expect my children to go4 ,that is a rational answer4 ,i know of no other answer essentially different that could be called rational4 ,an equally rational answer can be given to the other question1 ,why do you require your children to go to church8 ,it might be put in these words3 ,a church of some kind is essential to the welfare of this community4 ,without any church1 even the value of real estate in this place would enormously depreciate4 ,that shows how everybody recognizes the church as a conservator of social morality4 ,in this respect the church stands alone4 ,the sermons may be nearly as dull as those which ,i have to preach to my children2 the music may be even less entertaining2 but the congregation represents as no other body of people the moral sense of the community4 ,besides that1 the church is the only expression of religion as something not merely individual but also organic4 ,inasmuch as the church cannot be a church without a congregation1 ,i am obliged1 if ,i believe all this1 to take my share in maintaining the existence of that congregation4 ,and since the responsibility for seeing that my children take their share cannot be put upon them1 it rests upon me4 ,as a consequence1 they no more question why they go to church than they question why they go to meals4 ,they are not being entertained2 they are not primarily even being instructed4 ,for that reason it is not necessary1 though it may be advantageous1 for them to understand the sermon4 ,they are forming a habit4 ,on much the same grounds ,i am acquainting them with the ,bible4 ,what they store in their memory now they need not understand till later4 ,there is a time for learning by heart2 there is a time for understanding4 ,i no more propose to postpone my children's practice in religious observances until they reach the age of discretion1 than ,i propose to postpone their practice in being honest or in learning their five-finger exercises4 ,that answer1 like the other1 is rational4 ,a part of ritual is the observance of days and seasons4 ,to this phase of religion we may expect children to be sensitive4 ,paul's mother came into the nursery one ,sunday afternoon4 ,what are you doing8 ,studying4 ,paul's mother was surprised4 ,we try to keep ,sunday different from other days4 ,after this we shall understand that you are not to study on ,sundays4 ,a little more than two weeks later1 ,paul came home from school4 ,sammy is a funny boy1 he remarked4 ,sammy is a schoolmate4 ,what has he done8 inquired ,paul's mother4 ,why1 ,sammy gets his lessons on ,sunday4 ,two ,sundays had sufficed for the establishment of a tradition in religion so complete that a violation of it seemed grotesque4 ,in regard to the observance of ,sunday1 one household has reversed the traditional rule4 ,the ritual characteristic of that family originated in a bachelor uncle's remark4 ,he recalled how alluring were those books which had been forbidden him1 as a boy1 on ,sunday1 and how gray a day ,sunday was because those books were proscribed4 ,he advocated the plan of selecting certain interesting books1 which would be forbidden on week-days4 ,in other words1 he would remove the ban from ,sundays1 and put it on the other six days4 ,his plan was adopted4 ,certain delights1 including several volumes of stories from the ,bible1 were confined to ,sunday4 ,in consequence1 ,bible stories are in great favor1 and ,sunday is a day of privilege4 ,in that household the ritual of ,sunday observance is a ritual of liberty4 ,besides wonder and ritual1 there is a factor in religion on which children seize4 ,we may call it hero-worship4 ,others1 following the lead of psychologists1 might prefer to name it imitation4 ,as the children of a certain family gather to look at ,bible pictures1 they are prone to ask of any group of people depicted1 ,are those people good8 ,reverence for what to them is an ideal may come later than wonder or ritual1 but it is sure to come in time to all children4 ,those parents who are ready to take their children as they are and to help the growth of the spirit as they help the growth of the body incur the peril of always seeing in this reverence a searching inquisition of their own lives4 ,the nearest objects of hero-worship that a child has are his parents4 ,this fact may raise a disturbing inquiry3 ,shall they puzzle him by setting forth two ideals of fatherhood1 one incorporated in themselves1 the other involved in their representation of the character of ,god8 ,shall they confuse the mind of the child by setting up two inconsistent standards of human service1 their own lives and what they tell him of the life of ,jesus of ,nazareth8 ,this dilemma of course is avoided by such parents as hold either of those comfortable theories1 that religion is a theology and that religion is a luxury4 ,in the one case such questions are not pertinent2 in the other they are unimportant4 ,if1 however1 we understand religion to be a mode of life1 we may find such questions as these driving us into an uncomfortable corner4 ,they seem to compel us to pose as exhorter and pattern1 and to force on us a paralyzing self-consciousness4 ,perhaps it will not harm us to be occasionally reminded of the fact that we cannot expect our children to become altogether different from what we are determined to be2 but to be always composing precepts and assuming the attitude of examples seems to be but a feeble part to play4 ,happily1 we need not confine our children to the contemplation of ourselves4 ,there are many who1 if we but let them1 may share with us the burden of our children's imitativeness4 ,and here comes our reward1 if we have cultivated their imagination4 ,we may be a bit stingy ourselves2 but if we covet generosity for our children1 we can let ,abram make the suggestion4 ,we may cherish our own resentments2 but if we want our children to despise theirs1 we can let them join that group that heard ,peter bidden to put up his sword4 ,whatever may happen to us in the process will probably do us no hurt4 ,we may find another illustration of that which we encountered at the beginning1 that the principal part in the training of our children is the training of ourselves4 ,this may have meant to us1 when we started on our course1 that the training of ourselves was simply the preparation for the training of our children4 ,by this time we shall have discovered that it is not so much a preparation as an outcome4 ,this art of being a parent is an art of give and take4 ,if it is more blessed to give1 as the ,lord said1 it is1 as far as parents are concerned1 quite as obligatory to receive4 ,as much1 at least1 as this is the implication in one thing that our ,lord did4 ,whether he ever instructed a child in the faith we do not know2 we have not been told4 ,what has been told is that when he wished to show his disciples--among them some parents1 we may surmise--what religion was1 he took a child and set him in the midst of them4