,,the ,,priest ,,and ,,the ,,acolyte ,,the ,,priest ,,and ,,the ,,acolyte ,,with ,,an ,,introductory ,,protest ,,by ,,stuart ,,mason ,,london3 ,,at ,,the ,,lotus ,,press ,,nineteen ,,hundred ,,and ,,seven ,so many copies of 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte0 have been sold by unscrupulous publishers and booksellers under the implication that it is the work of ,oscar ,wilde that it has been thought good to issue this edition with the object of putting an end1 once and for all1 to the possibility of purchasers being misled as to the authorship4 ,the story was originally published in ,the ,chameleon1 the first and only number of which appeared in ,december1 #ahid4 ,the author of the story was an undergraduate at ,oxford1 8an insufficiently birched schoolboy10 as he has recently been described1 and he alone was responsible for the contents of the magazine which he edited4 ,at the time of the trial of ,lord ,queensberry for libel a few months later it was attempted to show that ,oscar ,wilde not only approved of the theme of the story1 but that he was actually a party to the publication of it1 on the grounds that he sent to the editor a number of aphorisms under the title of 8,phrases and ,philosophies for the ,use of the ,young40 ,the simplest way of showing what ,oscar ,wilde really thought of the story is to quote what he said when examined in ,court on the subject4 ,john ,sholto ,douglas1 ,eighth ,marquis of ,queensberry1 was arrested on a warrant on ,march #a1 #ahie1 on a charge of uttering a criminal libel against ,oscar ,wilde4 ,on the following morning he was brought up before ,mr4 ,newton at ,marlborough ,street ,police ,court1 and after some formal evidence had been taken was remanded on bail for a week1 and on the second hearing was formally committed to take his trial at the ,central ,criminal ,court a few weeks later4 ,the trial began at the ,old ,bailey on ,wednesday1 ,april #c1 before ,mr4 ,justice ,henn ,collins4 ,sir ,edward ,clarke1 ,q4,c41 ,m4,p41 ,mr4 ,charles ,mathews and ,mr4 ,travers ,humphreys appeared for the prosecution2 ,mr4 ,carson1 ,q4,c41 ,m4,p41 ,mr4 ,c4 ,f4 ,gill and ,mr4 ,a4 ,gill being for the defence4 ,the court was crowded4 ,the ,marquis was the first to arrive4 ,he came in alone1 and stood1 hat in hand1 in front of the dock4 ,he spoke to no one1 and no one spoke to him4 ,there was little that was aristocratic in the ,marquis's appearance4 ,he was of short stature1 with a round face1 and clean shaven except for a streak of red whisker4 ,his lower lip drooped considerably4 ,a few minutes before half-past ten1 ,mr4 ,oscar ,wilde entered the court and took a seat immediately in front of his ,counsel1 with whom he at once joined in an animated conversation4 ,the ,judge was ten minutes late1 but 7the ,marquis having entered the dock7 the preliminary proceedings were soon got through1 and at a quarter to eleven1 ,sir ,edward ,clarke began his speech for the prosecution4 ,everybody listened attentively to the story1 as set forth by ,counsel1 of the prosecutor's achievements at college1 his subsequent success as a littrateur1 and the circumstances under which he became acquainted with the defendant's family4 8,phrases and ,philosophies for the ,use of the ,young10 which ,oscar ,wilde contributed to ,the ,chameleon1 was mentioned in the plea of the defence as 8immoral and obscene10 and ,sir ,edward ,clarke occupied some time in an endeavour to prove the contrary4 ,with regard to ,the ,chameleon1 ,counsel admitted that it contained a story entitled 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte10 which could not be justified1 but he declared his client could not be held responsible for the publication as a whole1 he being but a contributor to its pages4 ,as a matter of fact1 ,mr4 ,wilde urged upon the editor that the book should be withdrawn4 ,soon after ,mr4 ,carson began his cross-examination1 it became apparent that the line he was adopting would result in a conflict between ,counsel4 ,mr4 ,wilde was being questioned as to his opinion on certain extracts from 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte10 when ,sir ,edward ,clarke jumped to his feet and appealed to the ,judge whether the questions were relevant1 inasmuch as ,mr4 ,wilde was not responsible for the story4 ,the ,judge ruled in favour of ,mr4 ,carson4 ,sir ,edward1 a few minutes later1 raised another objection1 but he was again overruled4 ,the interval for luncheon came as a pleasant relief to all1 and1 on the application of ,mr4 ,carson1 the ,judge consented to the defendant being allowed his freedom till the court resumed its sitting4 ,sir ,edward ,clarke1 in the course of his speech for the prosecution1 said that there were two extremely curious counts at the end of the plea4 ,one was that in ,december1 #ahid1 was 8published a certain immoral work in the form of ,the ,chameleon1 relating to practices and passions of an unnatural kind10 and that his client had 8joined in procuring the publication of ,the ,chameleon1 with his name upon it as the principal contributor40 ,that was a very gross allegation4 ,directly ,mr4 ,wilde saw the magazine1 he noticed there was a story in it called 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte10 which was a disgrace to literature1 which it was amazing any body wrote1 and still more amazing that any body allowed to be published under his name4#a ,directly ,mr4 ,wilde saw that story he communicated with the editor1 and upon his insistence the magazine was withdrawn4 ,he had no knowledge that that story was about to be published4 ,it was strange indeed1 then1 to find that publication put upon the particulars as justifying the charge against ,mr4 ,wilde4 ,footnote #a3 ,sir ,edward ,clarke was in error4 ,the story was published anonymously1 being signed 8,x0 only1 though the author's real name was more or less an open secret in ,oxford at the time4 ,in his examination in chief1 ,sir ,edward ,clarke said3 ,it is suggested that you are responsible for the publication of ,the ,chameleon on the front page of which some aphorisms of yours appear4 ,beyond sending that contribution had you any thing to do with the preparation or ownership1 editorship or publication of that magazine8 ,witness--,no2 nothing whatever4 ,until you saw this number of ,the ,chameleon did you know any thing about the story1 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte08 ,nothing at all4 ,upon seeing the story in print1 did you communicate with the editor8 ,the editor came to see me at the ,caf ,royal to speak to me about it4 ,did you approve of the story of 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte08 ,i thought it bad and indecent1 and ,i strongly disapproved of it4 ,was that disapproval expressed to the editor8 ,yes4 ,oscar ,wilde was then cross-examined by ,mr4 ,carson for the defence4 ,you read 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte08 ,yes4 ,you have no doubt that that was an improper story8 ,from the literary point of view it was highly improper4 ,it is impossible for a man of literature to judge it otherwise1 by literature meaning treatment1 selection of subject1 and the like4 ,i thought the treatment rotten and the subject rotten4 ,you are of opinion1 ,i believe1 that there is no such thing as an immoral book8 ,yes4 ,may ,i take it that you think 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte0 was not immoral8 ,it was worse2 it was badly written4 ,was not the story that of a priest who fell in love with a boy who served him at the altar1 and the boy was discovered in the priest's room1 and a scandal arose8 ,i have read it only once1 in ,november last1 and nothing will induce me to read it again4 ,did you think the story blasphemous8 ,i think it violated every artistic canon of beauty4 ,that is not an answer4 ,it is the only one ,i can give4 ,i want you to see the position you pose in4 ,i do not think you should say that4 ,i have said nothing out of the way4 ,i wish to know whether you thought the story blasphemous4 ,the story filled me with disgust4 ,answer the question1 sir4 ,did you1 or did you not1 consider the story blasphemous8 ,i did not consider the story blasphemous4 ,i am satisfied with that4 ,you know that when the priest in the story administers poison to the boy he uses the words of the ,sacrament of the ,church of ,england8 ,that ,i entirely forgot4 ,do you consider that blasphemous8 ,i think it is horrible4 8,blasphemous0 is not the word4 ,mr4 ,carson then read the words describing the administration of the poison in the ,sacrament1 and asked ,mr4 ,wilde whether he approved of them4 ,the witness replied that he thought them disgusting1 perfect twaddle4 ,i think you will admit that any one who would approve of such an article would pose as guilty of improper practices8 ,i do not think so in the person of another contributor to the magazine4 ,it would show very bad literary taste4 ,i strongly objected to the whole story4 ,i took no steps to express public disapproval of ,the ,chameleon1 because ,i think it would have been beneath my dignity as a man of letters to associate myself with an ,oxford undergraduate's productions4 ,i am aware that the magazine might have been circulated among the undergraduates of ,oxford1 but ,i do not believe that any book or work of art ever had any effect whatever on morality4 ,am ,i right in saying that you do not consider the effect in creating morality or immorality8 ,certainly1 ,i do not4 ,so far as your own works are concerned you pose as not being concerned about morality or immorality8 ,i do not know whether you use the word 8pose0 in any particular sense4 ,it is a favourite word of your own4 ,is it8 ,i have no pose in this matter4 ,in writing a play or a book ,i am concerned entirely with literature1 that is1 with art4 ,i aim not at doing good or evil but in trying to make a thing that will have some quality of beauty4 ,what would any body say would be the effect of 8,phrases and ,philosophies for the ,use of the ,young0 taken in connection with such an article as 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte08 ,undoubtedly1 it was the idea that might be formed that made me object so strongly to the story4 ,i saw at once that maxims that were perfectly nonsensical1 paradoxical or any thing you like1 might be read in conjunction with it4 ,on ,tuesday1 ,april #cj1 which was the fourth day of the first trial of ,oscar ,wilde1 ,sir ,edward ,clarke entered an emphatic protest against ,mr4 ,gill having read over again the cross-examination of the accused upon his books and writings which he had given at the trial of ,lord ,queensberry4 ,it was not fair to judge of a man's conduct by his books1 but the ,prosecution had gone much further than that1 and had sought to judge ,wilde by books which he did not write1 and by a story which he had repudiated as horrible and disgusting4 ,public opinion had been excited and fanned by the quotation in ,court of passages of literature for which he was not responsible4 ,the subject then dropped1 and the next reference to it was made by ,mr4 ,justice ,charles in his summing up on the last day of ,oscar ,wilde's first trial 7,may #a7 when the ,jury disagreed and was unable to return a verdict4 ,his lordship said that he did not propose to deal at any length with the incidents of the ,queensberry trial1 but that it must be remembered that the evidence of ,wilde at that trial was given on oath and must not be lost sight of in considering that which he had given the previous day or two in that ,court4 ,a very large portion of the evidence of ,wilde at the ,queensberry trial was devoted to what ,sir ,edward ,clarke had called 8the literary part of the case10 and it had been attempted to show by cross-examination that ,wilde was a man of most unprincipled character with regard to the relation of men to boys4 ,in regard to a magazine called ,the ,chameleon1 published in the autumn of #ahid1 it was alleged that ,wilde had given the sanction of his name to the most abominable doctrines1 but the only connection proved between that magazine and the defendant was that it was prefaced by two or three pages of aphorisms by the accused1 of which it was sufficient to say that some were amusing1 some cynical1 some1 if his lordship might be allowed to criticize1 silly2 but wicked1 no4 ,the learned ,counsel who represented ,lord ,queensberry1 the ,judge continued1 had called attention to a story1 a filthy narrative of a most disgusting character1 called 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte10 of which the author1 who signed himself 8,x10 should be thoroughly ashamed4 ,with that story ,wilde had had nothing whatever to do1 and to impute to him any thing in it was quite absurd4 ,to judge him by another man's works which he had never seen would be highly unjust4 ,in the second trial of ,oscar ,wilde1 which was heard before ,mr4 ,justice ,willis on the following ,may #bb to #be1 no mention was made of ,the ,chameleon or of 8,the ,priest and the ,acolyte40 ,what is stated above ought to be sufficient1 once and for all1 to dissociate the name of the author of 8,salom0 and 8,lady ,windermere's ,fan0 from the story reprinted in the following pages4 ,,the ,,priest ,,and ,,the ,,acolyte ,honi soit qui mal y pense ,,part ,i 8,pray1 father1 give me thy blessing1 for ,i have sinned40 ,the priest started2 he was tired in mind and body2 his soul was sad and his heart heavy as he sat in the terrible solitude of the confessional ever listening to the same dull round of oft-repeated sins4 ,he was weary of the conventional tones and matter-of-fact expressions4 ,would the world always be the same8 ,for nearly twenty centuries the ,christian priests had sat in the confessional and listened to the same old tale4 ,the world seemed to him no better2 always the same1 the same4 ,the young priest sighed to himself1 and for a moment almost wished people would be worse4 ,why could they not escape from these old wearily-made paths and be a little original in their vices1 if sin they must8 ,but the voice he now listened to aroused him from his reverie4 ,it was so soft and gentle1 so diffident and shy4 ,he gave the blessing1 and listened4 ,ah1 yes6 he recognized the voice now4 ,it was the voice he had heard for the first time only that very morning3 the voice of the little acolyte that had served his ,mass4 ,he turned his head and peered through the grating at the little bowed head beyond4 ,there was no mistaking those long soft curls4 ,suddenly1 for one moment1 the face was raised1 and the large moist blue eyes met his2 he saw the little oval face flushed with shame at the simple boyish sins he was confessing1 and a thrill shot through him1 for he felt that here at least was something in the world that was beautiful1 something that was really true4 ,would the day come when those soft scarlet lips would have grown hard and false8 when the soft shy treble would have become careless and conventional8 ,his eyes filled with tears1 and in a voice that had lost its firmness he gave the absolution4 ,after a pause1 he heard the boy rise to his feet1 and watched him wend his way across the little chapel and kneel before the altar while he said his penance4 ,the priest hid his thin tired face in his hands and sighed wearily4 ,the next morning1 as he knelt before the altar and turned to say the words of confession to the little acolyte whose head was bent so reverently towards him1 he bowed low till his hair just touched the golden halo that surrounded the little face1 and he felt his veins burn and tingle with a strange new fascination4 ,when that most wonderful thing in the whole world1 complete soul-absorbing love for another1 suddenly strikes a man1 that man knows what heaven means1 and he understands hell3 but if the man be an ascetic1 a priest whose whole heart is given to ecstatic devotion1 it were better for that man if he had never been born4 ,when they reached the vestry and the boy stood before him reverently receiving the sacred vestments1 he knew that henceforth the entire devotion of his religion1 the whole ecstatic fervour of his prayers1 would be connected with1 nay1 inspired by1 one object alone4 ,with the same reverence and humility as he would have felt in touching the consecrated elements he laid his hands on the curl-crowned head1 he touched the small pale face1 and1 raising it slightly1 he bent forward and gently touched the smooth white brow with his lips4 ,when the child felt the caress of his fingers1 for one moment every thing swam before his eyes2 but when he felt the light touch of the tall priest's lips1 a wonderful assurance took possession of him3 he understood4 ,he raised his little arms1 and1 clasping his slim white fingers around the priest's neck kissed him on the lips4 ,with a sharp cry the priest fell upon his knees1 and1 clasping the little figure clad in scarlet and lace to his heart1 he covered the tender flushing face with burning kisses4 ,then suddenly there came upon them both a quick sense of fear2 they parted hastily1 with hot trembling fingers folded the sacred vestments1 and separated in silent shyness4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the priest returned to his poor rooms and tried to sit down and think1 but all in vain3 he tried to eat1 but could only thrust away his plate in disgust3 he tried to pray1 but instead of the calm figure on the cross1 the calm1 cold figure with the weary1 weary face1 he saw continually before him the flushed face of a lovely boy1 the wide star-like eyes of his new-found love4 ,all that day the young priest went through the round of his various duties mechanically1 but he could not eat nor sit quiet1 for when alone1 strange shrill bursts of song kept thrilling through his brain1 and he felt that he must flee out into the open air or go mad4 ,at length1 when night came1 and the long1 hot day had left him exhausted and worn out1 he threw himself on his knees before his crucifix and compelled himself to think4 ,he called to mind his boyhood and his early youth2 there returned to him the thought of the terrible struggles of the last five years4 ,here he knelt1 ,ronald ,heatherington1 priest of ,holy ,church1 aged twenty-eight3 what he had endured during these five years of fierce battling with those terrible passions he had fostered in his boyhood1 was it all to be in vain8 ,for the last year he had really felt that all passion was subdued1 all those terrible outbursts of passionate love he had really believed to be stamped out for ever4 ,he had worked so hard1 so unceasingly1 through all these five years since his ordination--he had given himself up solely and entirely to his sacred office2 all the intensity of his nature had been concentrated1 completely absorbed1 in the beautiful mysteries of his religion4 ,he had avoided all that could affect him1 all that might call up any recollection of his early life4 ,then he had accepted this curacy1 with sole charge of the little chapel that stood close beside the cottage where he was now living1 the little mission-chapel that was the most distant of the several grouped round the old ,parish ,church of ,st4 ,anselm4 ,he had arrived only two or three days before1 and1 going to call on the old couple who lived in the cottage1 the back of which formed the boundary of his own little garden1 had been offered the services of their grandson as acolyte4 8,my son was an artist fellow1 sir10 the old man had said3 8he never was satisfied here1 so we sent him off to ,london2 he was made a lot of there1 sir1 and married a lady1 but the cold weather carried him off one winter1 and his poor young wife was left with the baby4 ,she brought him up and taught him herself1 sir1 but last winter she was taken too1 so the poor lad came to live with us--so delicate he is1 sir1 and not one of the likes of us2 he's a gentleman born and bred1 is ,wilfred4 ,his poor mother used to like him to go and serve at the church near them in ,london1 and the boy was so fond of it himself that we thought1 supposing you did not mind1 sir1 that it would be a treat for him to do the same here40 8,how old is the boy80 asked the young priest4 8,fourteen1 sir10 replied the grandmother4 8,very well1 let him come to the chapel to-morrow morning10 ,ronald had agreed4 ,entirely absorbed in his devotions1 the young man had scarcely noticed the little acolyte who was serving for him1 and it was not till he was hearing his confession later in the day that he had realized his wonderful loveliness4 8,ah ,god6 help me6 pity me6 ,after all this weary labour and toil1 just when ,i am beginning to hope1 is every thing to be undone8 am ,i to lose every thing8 ,help me1 help me1 ,o ,god60 ,even while he prayed2 even while his hands were stretched out in agonized supplication towards the feet of that crucifix before which his hardest battles had been fought and won2 even while the tears of bitter contrition and miserable self-mistrust were dimming his eyes--there came a soft tap on the glass of the window beside him4 ,he rose to his feet1 and wonderingly drew back the dingy curtain4 ,there in the moonlight1 before the open window1 stood a small white figure--there1 with his bare feet on the moon-blanched turf1 dressed only in his long white night-shirt1 stood his little acolyte1 the boy who held his whole future in his small childish hands4 8,wilfred1 what are you doing here80 he asked in a trembling voice4 8,i could not sleep1 father1 for thinking of you1 and ,i saw a light in your room1 so ,i got out through the window and came to see you4 ,are you angry with me1 father80 he asked1 his voice faltering as he saw the almost fierce expression in the thin ascetic face4 8,why did you come to see me80 ,the priest hardly dared recognize the situation1 and scarcely heard what the boy said4 8,because ,i love you1 ,i love you--oh1 so much6 but you--you are angry with me--oh1 why did ,i ever come6 why did ,i ever come6--,i never thought you would be angry60 and the little fellow sank on the grass and burst into tears4 ,the priest sprang through the open window1 and seizing the slim little figure in his arms1 he carried him into the room4 ,he drew the curtain1 and1 sinking into the deep arm-chair1 laid the little fair head upon his breast1 kissing his curls again and again4 8,o my darling6 my own beautiful darling60 he whispered1 8how could ,i ever be angry with you8 ,you are more to me than all the world4 ,ah1 ,god6 how ,i love you1 my darling6 my own sweet darling60 ,for nearly an hour the boy nestled there in his arms1 pressing his soft cheek against his2 then the priest told him he must go4 ,for one long last kiss their lips met1 and then the small white-clad figure slipped through the window1 sped across the little moonlit garden1 and vanished through the opposite window4 ,when they met in the vestry next morning1 the lad raised his beautiful flower-like face1 and the priest1 gently putting his arms round him1 kissed him tenderly on the lips4 8,my darling6 my darling60 was all he said2 but the lad returned his kiss with a smile of wonderful almost heavenly love1 in a silence that seemed to whisper something more than words4 8,i wonder what was the matter with the father this morning80 said one old woman to another1 as they were returning from the chapel2 8he didn't seem himself at all2 he made more mistakes this morning than ,father ,thomas made in all the year he was here40 8,seemed as if he had never said a ,mass before60 replied her friend1 with something of contempt4 ,and that night1 and for many nights after1 the priest1 with the pale tired-looking face1 drew the curtain over his crucifix and waited at the window for the glimmer of the pale summer moonlight on a crown of golden curls1 for the sight of slim boyish limbs clad in the long white night-shirt1 that only emphasized the grace of every movement1 and the beautiful pallor of the little feet speeding across the grass4 ,there at the window1 night after night1 he waited to feel tender loving arms thrown round his neck1 and to feel the intoxicating delight of beautiful boyish lips raining kisses on his own4 ,ronald ,heatherington made no mistakes in the ,mass now4 ,he said the solemn words with a reverence and devotion that made the few poor people who happened to be there speak of him afterwards almost with awe2 while the face of the little acolyte at his side shone with a fervour which made them ask each other what this strange light could mean4 ,surely the young priest must be a saint indeed1 while the boy beside him looked more like an angel from heaven than any child of human birth4 ,,part ,,ii ,the world is very stern with those that thwart her4 ,she lays down her precepts1 and woe to those who dare to think for themselves1 who venture to exercise their own discretion as to whether they shall allow their individuality and natural characteristics to be stamped out1 to be obliterated under the leaden fingers of convention4 ,truly1 convention is the stone that has become head of the corner in the jerry-built temple of our superficial1 self-assertive civilization4 8,and whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken3 but on whomsoever it shall fall1 it will grind him to powder40 ,if the world sees any thing she cannot understand1 she assigns the basest motives to all concerned1 supposing the presence of some secret shame1 the idea of which1 at least1 her narrow-minded intelligence is able to grasp4 ,the people no longer regarded their priest as a saint1 and his acolyte as an angel4 ,they still spoke of them with bated breath and with their fingers on their lips2 they still drew back out of the way when they met either of them2 but now they gathered together in groups of twos and threes and shook their heads4 ,the priest and his acolyte heeded not2 they never even noticed the suspicious glances and half-suppressed murmurs4 ,each had found in the other perfect sympathy and perfect love3 what could the outside world matter to them now8 ,each was to the other the perfect fulfilment of a scarcely preconceived ideal2 neither heaven nor hell could offer more4 ,but the stone of convention had been undermined2 the time could not be far distant when it must fall4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the moonlight was very clear and very beautiful2 the cool night air was heavy with the perfume of the old-fashioned flowers that bloomed so profusely in the little garden4 ,but in the priest's little room the closely drawn curtains shut out all the beauty of the night4 ,entirely forgetful of all the world1 absolutely oblivious of every thing but one another1 wrapped in the beautiful visions of a love that far outshone all the splendour of the summer night1 the priest and the little acolyte were together4 ,the little lad sat on his knees with his arms closely pressed round his neck and his golden curls laid against the priest's close-cut hair2 his white night-shirt contrasting strangely and beautifully with the dull black of the other's long cassock4 ,there was a step on the road outside--a step drawing nearer and nearer2 a knock at the door4 ,they heard it not2 completely absorbed in each other1 intoxicated with the sweetly poisonous draught that is the gift of love1 they sat in silence4 ,but the end had come3 the blow had fallen at last4 ,the door opened1 and there before them in the doorway stood the tall figure of the rector4 ,neither said any thing2 only the little boy clung closer to his beloved1 and his eyes grew large with fear4 ,then the young priest rose slowly to his feet and put the lad from him4 8,you had better go1 ,wilfred10 was all he said4 ,the two priests stood in silence watching the child as he slipped through the window1 stole across the grass1 and vanished into the opposite cottage4 ,then the two turned and faced each other4 ,the young priest sank into his chair and clasped his hands1 waiting for the other to speak4 8,so it has come to this60 he said3 8the people were only too right in what they told me6 ,ah1 ,god6 that such a thing should have happened here6 that it has fallen on me to expose your shame--our shame6 that it is ,i who must give you up to justice1 and see that you suffer the full penalty of your sin6 ,have you nothing to say80 8,nothing--nothing10 he replied softly4 8,i cannot ask for pity3 ,i cannot explain3 you would never understand4 ,i do not ask you any thing for myself1 ,i do not ask you to spare me2 but think of the terrible scandal to our dear ,church40 8,it is better to expose these terrible scandals and see that they are cured4 ,it is folly to conceal a sore3 better show all our shame than let it fester40 8,think of the child40 8,that was for you to do3 you should have thought of him before4 ,what has his shame to do with me8 it was your business4 ,besides1 ,i would not spare him if ,i could3 what pity can ,i feel for such as he----80 ,but the young man had risen1 pale to the lips4 8,hush60 he said in a low voice2 8,i forbid you to speak of him before me with any thing but respect02 then softly to himself1 8with any thing but reverence2 with any thing but devotion40 ,the other was silent1 awed for the moment4 ,then his anger rose4 8,dare you speak openly like that8 ,where is your penitence1 your shame8 have you no sense of the horror of your sin80 8,there is no sin for which ,i should feel shame10 he answered very quietly4 8,god gave me my love for him1 and ,he gave him also his love for me4 ,who is there that shall withstand ,god and the love that is ,his gift80 8,dare you profane the name by calling such a passion as this #8love'80 8,it was love1 perfect love3 it is perfect love40 8,i can say no more now2 to-morrow all shall be known4 ,thank ,god1 you shall pay dearly for all this disgrace10 he added1 in a sudden outburst of wrath4 8,i am sorry you have no mercy2--not that ,i fear exposure and punishment for myself4 ,but mercy can seldom be found from a ,christian10 he added1 as one that speaks from without4 ,the rector turned towards him suddenly1 and stretched out his hands4 8,heaven forgive me my hardness of heart10 he said4 8,i have been cruel2 ,i have spoken cruelly in my distress4 ,ah1 can you say nothing to defend your crime80 8,no3 ,i do not think ,i can do any good by that4 ,if ,i attempted to deny all guilt1 you would only think ,i lied3 though ,i should prove my innocence1 yet my reputation1 my career1 my whole future1 are ruined for ever4 ,but will you listen to me for a little8 ,i will tell you a little about myself40 ,the rector sat down while his curate told him the story of his life1 sitting by the empty grate with his chin resting on his clasped hands4 8,i was at a big public school1 as you know4 ,i was always different from other boys4 ,i never cared much for games4 ,i took little interest in those things for which boys usually care so much4 ,i was not very happy in my boyhood1 ,i think4 ,my one ambition was to find the ideal for which ,i longed4 ,it has always been thus3 ,i have always had an indefinite longing for something1 a vague something that never quite took shape1 that ,i could never quite understand4 ,my great desire has always been to find something that would satisfy me4 ,i was attracted at once by sin3 my whole early life is stained and polluted with the taint of sin4 ,sometimes even now ,i think that there are sins more beautiful than any thing else in the world4 ,there are vices that are bound to attract almost irresistibly any one who loves beauty above every thing4 ,i have always sought for love3 again and again ,i have been the victim of fits of passionate affection3 time after time ,i have seemed to have found my ideal at last3 the whole object of my life has been1 times without number1 to gain the love of some particular person4 ,several times my efforts were successful2 each time ,i woke to find that the success ,i had obtained was worthless after all4 ,as ,i grasped the prize1 it lost all its attraction--,i no longer cared for what ,i had once desired with my whole heart4 ,in vain ,i endeavoured to drown the yearnings of my heart with the ordinary pleasures and vices that usually attract the young4 ,i had to choose a profession4 ,i became a priest4 ,the whole sthetic tendency of my soul was intensely attracted by the wonderful mysteries of ,christianity1 the artistic beauty of our services4 ,ever since my ordination ,i have been striving to cheat myself into the belief that peace had come at last--at last my yearning was satisfied3 but all in vain4 ,unceasingly ,i have struggled with the old cravings for excitement1 and1 above all1 the weary1 incessant thirst for a perfect love4 ,i have found1 and still find1 an exquisite delight in religion3 not in the regular duties of a religious life1 not in the ordinary round of parish organizations2--against these ,i chafe incessantly2--no1 my delight is in the sthetic beauty of the services1 the ecstasy of devotion1 the passionate fervour that comes with long fasting and meditation40 8,have you found no comfort in prayer80 asked the rector4 8,comfort8--no4 ,but ,i have found in prayer pleasure1 excitement1 almost a fierce delight of sin40 8,you should have married4 ,i think that would have saved you40 ,ronald ,heatherington rose to his feet and laid his hand on the rector's arm4 8,you do not understand me4 ,i have never been attracted by a woman in my life4 ,can you not see that people are different1 totally different1 from one another8 ,to think that we are all the same is impossible2 our natures1 our temperaments1 are utterly unlike4 ,but this is what people will never see2 they found all their opinions on a wrong basis4 ,how can their deductions be just if their premisses are wrong8 ,one law laid down by the majority1 who happen to be of one disposition1 is only binding on the minority legally1 not morally4 ,what right have you1 or any one1 to tell me that such and such a thing is sinful for me8 ,oh1 why can ,i not explain to you and force you to see80 and his grasp tightened on the other's arm4 ,then he continued1 speaking fast and earnestly3-- 8,for me1 with my nature1 to have married would have been sinful3 it would have been a crime1 a gross immorality1 and my conscience would have revolted40 ,then he added1 bitterly3 8,conscience should be that divine instinct which bids us seek after that our natural disposition needs--we have forgotten that2 to most of us1 to the world1 nay1 even to ,christians in general1 conscience is merely another name for the cowardice that dreads to offend against convention4 ,ah1 what a cursed thing convention is6 ,i have committed no moral offence in this matter2 in the sight of ,god my soul is blameless2 but to you and to the world ,i am guilty of an abominable crime--abominable1 because it is a sin against convention1 forsooth6 ,i met this boy3 ,i loved him as ,i had never loved any one or any thing before3 ,i had no need to labour to win his affection--he was mine by right3 he loved me1 even as ,i loved him1 from the first3 he was the necessary complement to my soul4 ,how dare the world presume to judge us8 ,what is convention to us8 ,nevertheless1 although ,i really knew that such a love was beautiful and blameless1 although from the bottom of my heart ,i despised the narrow judgment of the world1 yet for his sake and for the sake of our ,church1 ,i tried at first to resist4 ,i struggled against the fascination he possessed for me4 ,i would never have gone to him and asked his love2 ,i would have struggled on till the end3 but what could ,i do8 ,it was he that came to me1 and offered me the wealth of love his beautiful soul possessed4 ,how could ,i tell to such a nature as his the hideous picture the world would paint8 ,even as you saw him this evening1 he has come to me night by night1--how dare ,i disturb the sweet purity of his soul by hinting at the horrible suspicions his presence might arouse8 ,i knew what ,i was doing4 ,i have faced the world and set myself up against it4 ,i have openly scoffed at its dictates4 ,i do not ask you to sympathize with me1 nor do ,i pray you to stay your hand4 ,your eyes are blinded with a mental cataract4 ,you are bound1 bound with those miserable ties that have held you body and soul from the cradle4 ,you must do what you believe to be your duty4 ,in ,god's eyes we are martyrs1 and we shall not shrink even from death in this struggle against the idolatrous worship of convention40 ,ronald ,heatherington sank into a chair1 hiding his face in his hands1 and the rector left the room in silence4 ,for some minutes the young priest sat with his face buried in his hands4 ,then with a sigh he rose and crept across the garden till he stood beneath the open window of his darling4 8,wilfred10 he called very softly4 ,the beautiful face1 pale and wet with tears1 appeared at the window4 8,i want you1 my darling2 ,will you come80 he whispered4 8,yes1 father10 the boy softly answered4 ,the priest led him back to his room2 then1 taking him very gently in his arms1 he tried to warm the cold little feet with his hands4 8,my darling1 it is all over40 ,and he told him as gently as he could all that lay before them4 ,the boy hid his face on his shoulder1 crying softly4 8,can ,i do nothing for you1 dear father80 ,he was silent for a moment4 8,yes1 you can die for me2 you can die with me40 ,the loving arms were about his neck once more1 and the warm1 loving lips were kissing his own4 8,i will do any thing for you4 ,o father1 let us die together60 8,yes1 my darling1 it is best3 we will40 ,then very quietly and very tenderly he prepared the little fellow for his death2 he heard his last confession and gave him his last absolution4 ,then they knelt together1 hand in hand1 before the crucifix4 8,pray for me1 my darling40 ,then together their prayers silently ascended that the dear ,lord would have pity on the priest who had fallen in the terrible battle of life4 ,there they knelt till midnight1 when ,ronald took the lad in his arms and carried him to the little chapel4 8,i will say mass for the repose of our souls10 he said4 ,over his night-shirt the child arrayed himself in his little scarlet cassock and tiny lace cotta4 ,he covered his naked feet with the scarlet sanctuary shoes2 he lighted the tapers and reverently helped the priest to vest4 ,then before they left the vestry the priest took him in his arms and held him pressed closely to his breast2 he stroked the soft hair and whispered cheeringly to him4 ,the child was weeping quietly1 his slender frame trembling with the sobs he could scarcely suppress4 ,after a moment the tender embrace soothed him1 and he raised his beautiful mouth to the priest's4 ,their lips were pressed together1 and their arms wrapped one another closely4 8,oh1 my darling1 my own sweet darling60 the priest whispered tenderly4 8,we shall be together for ever soon2 nothing shall separate us now10 the child said4 8,yes1 it is far better so2 far better to be together in death than apart in life40 ,they knelt before the altar in the silent night1 the glimmer of the tapers lighting up the features of the crucifix with strange distinctness4 ,never had the priest's voice trembled with such wonderful earnestness1 never had the acolyte responded with such devotion1 as at this midnight ,mass for the peace of their own departing souls4 ,just before the consecration the priest took a tiny phial from the pocket of his cassock1 blessed it1 and poured the contents into the chalice4 ,when the time came for him to receive from the chalice1 he raised it to his lips1 but did not taste of it4 ,he administered the sacred wafer to the child1 and then he took the beautiful gold chalice1 set with precious stones1 in his hand2 he turned towards him2 but when he saw the light in the beautiful face he turned again to the crucifix with a low moan4 ,for one instant his courage failed him2 then he turned to the little fellow again1 and held the chalice to his lips3 8,the ,blood of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 which was shed for thee1 preserve thy body and soul unto everlasting life40 ,never had the priest beheld such perfect love1 such perfect trust1 in those dear eyes as shone from them now2 now1 as with face raised upwards he received his death from the loving hands of him that he loved best in the whole world4 ,the instant he had received1 ,ronald fell on his knees beside him and drained the chalice to the last drop4 ,he set it down and threw his arms round the beautiful figure of his dearly loved acolyte4 ,their lips met in one last kiss of perfect love1 and all was over4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the sun was rising in the heavens it cast one broad ray upon the altar of the little chapel4 ,the tapers were burning still1 scarcely half-burnt through4 ,the sad-faced figure of the crucifix hung there in its majestic calm4 ,on the steps of the altar was stretched the long1 ascetic frame of the young priest1 robed in the sacred vestments2 close beside him1 with his curly head pillowed on the gorgeous embroideries that covered his breast1 lay the beautiful boy in scarlet and lace4 ,their arms were round each other2 a strange hush lay like a shroud over all4 8,and whomever shall fall on this stone shall be broken3 but on whomsoever it shall fall1 it will grind him to powder40 ,x4 ,june1 #ahid4