,charles ,franks1 ,charles ,aldarondo   
and the ,online ,distributed            
,proofreading  ,team4        ,,thomas   
,,wingfold1 ,,curate4    ,by ,george    
,mac,donald1 ,,ll4,d4    ,,in ,,three   
,,volumes4    ,,vol ,,iii4              
,,chapter ,i4    ,,after ,,the ,,sermon4
            ,as the sermon drew to a    
close1 and the mist of his emotion began
 to  disperse1 individual faces of his  
audience again dawned out on the        
preacher's ken4 ,mr4 ,drew's head was   
down4 ,as ,i have always said1  certain 
things he had been taught in his youth1 
and had practised in  his manhood1      
certain mean ways counted honest enough 
in the trade1  had become to him1       
regarded from the ideal point of the    
divine in  merchandize--such a          
merchandize1 namely1 as the share the   
son of man  might have taken in buying  
and selling1 had his reputed father been
  a shop-keeper instead of a            
carpenter--absolutely hateful1 and the  
memory of them intolerable4 ,nor did it 

relieve him much to remind  himself of  
the fact1 that he knew not to the full  
the nature of the  advantages he took1  
for he knew that he had known them such 
as  shrunk from the light1 not coming   
thereto to be made manifest4 ,he  was   
now doing his best to banish them from  
his business1 and yet  they were a      
painful presence to his spirit--so      
grievous to be borne1  that the prospect
 held out by the preacher of an absolute
 and final  deliverance from them by the
 indwelling presence of the ,god of all 
living men and true merchants1 was a    
blessedness unspeakable4 ,small  was the
 suspicion in the ,abbey ,church of     
,olaston that morning1 that  the        
well-known successful man of business   
was weeping4 ,who could  once have      
imagined another reason for the laying  
of that round1  good-humoured1 contented
 face down on the book-board1 than pure 
drowsiness from lack of work-day        
interest6 ,yet there was a human  soul  
crying out after its birthright4 ,oh1 to

 be clean as a  mountain-river6 clean as
 the air above the clouds1 or on the    
middle  seas6 as the throbbing aether   
that fills the gulf betwixt star and    
star6--nay1 as the thought of the ,son  
of ,man himself1 who1 to make  all      
things new and clean1 stood up against  
the old battery of  sin-sprung          
suffering1 withstanding and enduring and
 stilling the  recoil of the awful force
 wherewith his ,father had launched the 
worlds1 and given birth to human souls  
with wills that might become  free as   
his own6    ,while ,wingfold had been   
speaking in general terms1 with the race
 in  his mind's1 and the congregation in
 his body's eye1 he had yet  thought    
more of one soul1 with its one crime and
 its intolerable  burden1 than all the  
rest3 ,leopold was ever present to him1 
and  while he strove to avoid absorption
 in a personal interest however         
justifiable1 it was of necessity that   
the thought of the most  burdened sinner
 he knew should colour the whole of his 

utterance4 ,at  times indeed he felt as 
if he were speaking to him              
immediately--and  to him only2 at       
others1 although then he saw her no more
 than him1  that he was comforting the  
sister individually1 in holding out to  
her brother the mighty hope of a        
restored purity4 ,and when once more    
his mind could receive the messages     
brought home by his eyes1 he saw  upon  
,helen's face the red sunset of a rapt  
listening4 ,true it was  already fading 
away1 but the eyes had wept1 the glow   
yet hung about  cheek and forehead1 and 
the firm mouth had forgotten itself into
 a  tremulous form1 which the stillness 
of absorption had there for the  moment 
fixed4    ,but even already1 although he
 could not yet read it upon her         
countenance1 a snake had begun to lift  
its head from the chaotic  swamp which  
runs a creek at least into every soul1  
the rudimentary  desolation1 a remnant  
of the time when the world was without  
form  and void4 ,and the snake said3    

,why1 then1 did he not speak like that  
to my ,leopold8 ,why did he not comfort 
him with such a good hope1              
well-becoming a priest of the gentle    
,jesus8 ,or1 if he fancied he  must     
speak of confession1 why did he not     
speak of it in plain honest  terms1     
instead of suggesting the idea of it so 
that the poor boy  imagined it came from
 his own spirit1 and must therefore be  
obeyed  as the will of ,god8    ,so said
 the snake1 and by the time ,helen had  
walked home with her  aunt1 the glow had
 sunk from her soul1 and a gray wintry  
mist had  settled down upon her spirit4 
,and she said to herself that if this   
last hope in ,george should fail her1   
she would not allow the matter  to      
trouble her any farther2 she was a free 
woman1 and as ,leopold had  chosen other
 counsellors1 had thus declared her     
unworthy of  confidence1 and1 after all 
that she had suffered and done for love 
of him1 had turned away from her1 she   
would put money in her purse1  set out  

for ,france or ,italy1 and leave him to 
the fate1 whatever it  might be1 which  
his new advisers and his own obstinacy  
might bring  upon him4 ,was the innocent
 bound to share the shame of the guilty8
  ,had she not done enough8 ,would even 
her father require more of her  than she
 had already done and endured8    ,when1
 therefore1 she went into ,leopold's    
room1 and his eyes sought  her from the 
couch1 she took no notice that he had   
got up and  dressed while she was at    
church2 and he knew that a cloud had    
come  between them1 and that after all  
she had borne and done for him1 he  and 
his sister were now farther apart1 for  
the time at least1 than  when oceans lay
 betwixt their birth and their meeting2 
and he found  himself looking back with 
vague longing even to the terrible old  
house of ,glaston1 and the sharing of   
their agony therein4 ,his eyes  followed
 her as she walked across to the        
dressing-room1 and the  tears rose and  
filled them1 but he said nothing4 ,and  

the sister who1  all the time of the    
sermon1 had been filled with wave upon  
wave of  wishing--that ,poldie could    
hear this1 could hear that1 could have  
such a thought to comfort him1 such a   
lovely word to drive the  horror from   
his soul1 now cast on him a chilly      
glance1 and said  never a word of the   
things to which she had listened with   
such  heavings of the spirit-ocean2 for 
she felt1 with an instinct more         
righteous than her will1 that they would
 but strengthen him in his              
determination to do whatever the teacher
 of them might approve4 ,as  she        
repassed him to go to the drawing-room1 
she did indeed say a  word of kindness2 
but it was in a forced tone1 and was    
only about  his dinner6 ,his eyes       
over-flowed1 but he shut his lips so    
tight that  his mouth grew grim with    
determination1 and no more tears came4  
,to the friend who joined her at the    
church-door1 and1 in ,george            
,bascombe's absence1 walked with them   

along ,pine ,street1 ,mrs4  ,ramshorn   
remarked that the curate was certainly a
 most dangerous  man--particularly for  
young people to hear--he so confounded  
all the  landmarks of right and wrong1  
representing the honest man as no       
better than the thief1 and the murderer 
as no worse than anybody  else--teaching
 people in fact that the best thing they
 could do was  to commit some terrible  
crime1 in order thereby to attain to a  
better innocence than without it could  
ever be theirs4 ,how far she  mistook1  
or how far she knew or suspected that   
she spoke falsely1 ,i  will not pretend 
to know4 ,but although she spoke as she 
did1 there  was something1 either in the
 curate or in the sermon1 that had      
quieted her a little1 and she was less  
contemptuous in her  condemnation of him
 than usual4    ,happily both for       
himself and others1 the curate was not  
one of those  who cripple the truth and 
blind their own souls by            some
 craven scruple      ,of thinking too   

precisely on the event--      ,a thought
 which1 quartered1 hath but one part    
wisdom1      ,and ever three parts      
coward2    and hence1 in proportion as  
he roused the honest1 he gave occasion  
to the dishonest to cavil and condemn4  
,imagine ,st4 ,paul having a  prevision 
of how he would be misunderstood1 ,,and 
,,heeding ,,it6--what  would then have  
become of all those his most magnificent
 outbursts8  ,and would any amount of   
apostolic carefulness have protected    
him8 ,i  suspect it would only have     
given rise to more vulgar               
misunderstandings  and                  
misrepresentations still4 ,to explain to
 him who loves not1 is  but to give him 
the more plentiful material for         
misinterpretation4  ,let a man have     
truth in the inward parts1 and out of   
the abundance  of his heart let his     
mouth speak4 ,if then he should have    
ground to  fear honest misunderstanding1
 let him preach again to enforce the    
truth for which he is jealous1 and if it

 should seem to any that the  two       
utterances need reconciling1 let those  
who would have them consistent          
reconcile them for themselves4    ,the  
reason of ,george ,bascombe's absence   
from church that morning  was1 that1    
after an early breakfast1 he had mounted
 ,helen's mare1  and set out to call on 
,mr4 ,hooker before he should have gone 
to  church4 ,helen expected him back to 
dinner1 and was anxiously looking  for  
him4 ,so also was ,leopold1 but the     
hopes of the two were  different4    ,at
 length the mare's hoofs echoed through 
all ,sunday ,glaston1 and  presently    
,george rode up4 ,the groom took his    
horse in the street1  and he came into  
the drawing-room4 ,helen hastened to    
meet him4    ,well1 ,george8 she said1  
anxiously4    ,oh1 it's all right6--will
 be at least1 ,i am sure4 ,i will tell  
you  all about it in the garden after   
dinner4--,aunt has the good sense  never
 to interrupt us there1 he added4 ,i'll 
just run and show  myself to ,leopold3  

he must not suspect that ,i am of your  
party and  playing him false4 ,not that 
it is false1 you know6 for two negatives
  make a positive1 and to fool a mad-man
 is to give him fair play4    ,the words
 jarred sorely on ,helen's ear4         
,bascombe hurried to ,leopold1 and      
informed him that he had seen ,mr4      
,hooker1 and that all was arranged for  
taking him over to his place  on        
,tuesday morning1 if by that time he    
should be able for the  journey4    ,why
 not to-morrow8 said ,leopold4 ,i am    
quite able4    ,oh6 ,i told him you were
 not very strong4 ,and he wanted a run  
after  the hounds to-morrow4 ,so we     
judged it better put off till ,tuesday4 
,leopold gave a sigh1 and said no more4 
,,chapter ,,ii4    ,,bascombe ,,and     
,,the ,,magistrate4            ,after   
dinner1 the cousins went to the         
summer-house1 and there ,george  gave   
,helen his report1 revealing his plan   
and hope for ,leopold4    ,such fancies 
must be humoured1 you know1 ,helen4     

,there is nothing to  be gained by      
opposing them1 he said4    ,helen looked
 at him with keen eyes1 and he returned 
the gaze4 ,the  confidence betwixt them 
was not perfect3 each was doubtful as to
 the  thought of the other1 and neither 
asked what it was4    ,a fine old cock  
is ,mr4 ,hooker6 said ,greorge2 a jolly1
  good-natured1 brick-faced squire2 a   
tory of course1 and a sound  church-man2
 as simple as a baby1 and took          
everything ,i told him  without a hint  
of doubt or objection2--just the sort of
 man ,i  expected to find him6 ,when ,i 
mentioned my name1 c41 he found he had  
known my father1 and that gave me a good
 start4 ,then ,i lauded his  avenue1 and
 apologized for troubling him so early  
and on ,sunday too1  but said it was a  
pure work of mercy in which ,i begged   
his  assistance--as a magistrate1 ,i    
added1 lest he should fancy ,i had  come
 after a subscription4 ,it was a very   
delicate case1 ,i said1 in  which were  
concerned the children of a man of whom 

he had1 ,i  believed1 at one time known 
something--,general ,lingard4 ',to be   
sure6' he cried2 'knew him very well2 a 
fine fellow--but hasty1  sir--hasty in  
his temper6' ,i said ,i had never known 
him myself1 but  one of his children was
 my cousin2 the other was the child of  
his  second wife1 a ,hindoo lady        
unfortunately1 and it was about him ,i  
presumed to trouble him4 ,then ,i       
plunged into the matter at once1        
telling him that ,leopold had had       
violent brain-fever1 brought on by  a   
horrible drug1 the use of which1 if use 
,i dare call it1 he had  learnt in      
,india2 and that1 although he had       
recovered from the fever1  it was very  
doubtful if ever he would recover from  
the consequences  of it1 for that he had
 become the prey of a fixed idea1 the   
hard  deposit from a heated imagination4
 ',and pray what is the idea8'he  asked4
 ',neither more nor less1' ,i answered1 
'than that he is a  murderer6'--',god   
bless me6' he cried1 somewhat to my     

alarm1 for ,i  had been making all this 
preamble to prejudice the old gentleman 
in  the right direction1 lest afterwards
 ,leopold's plausibility might be  too  
much for him4 ,so ,i echoed the spirit  
of his exclamation1  declaring it was   
one of the saddest things ,i had ever   
known1 that a  fellow of such sweet and 
gentle nature1 one utterly incapable of 
unkindness1 not to say violence1 should 
be so possessed by misery  and remorse  
for a phantom-deed1 no more his than if 
he had dreamed  it1 a thing he not only 
did not do1 but never could have done4  
,i had  not yet however told him1 ,i    
said1 what was perhaps the saddest point
  in the whole sad story--namely1 that  
the attack had been brought on  by the  
news of the actual murder of a lady to  
whom he had been  passionately attached2
 the horror of it had unhinged his      
reason1  then turned and fastened upon  
his imagination2 so that he was now     
convinced beyond the reach of argument  
or even the clearest proof1  that it was

 his own hand that drove the knife to   
her heart4 ,then ,i  recalled to his    
memory the case as reported1 adding that
 the fact of  the murderer's prolonged  
evasion of justice1 appeared1 by some   
curious legerdemain of his excited      
fancy1 if not to have suggested--  of   
that ,i was doubtful--yet to have       
ripened his conviction of guilt4  ,now  
nothing would serve him but he must give
 himself up1  confess--no1 that was not 
a true word in his case6--accuse himself
  of the crime1 and meet his fate on the
 gallows1--'in the hope1  observe1 my   
dear sir1' ,i said1 'of finding her in  
the other world1  and there making it up
 with her6'--',god bless me6' he cried  
again1  in a tone of absolute horror4   
,and every now and then1 while ,i spoke1
  he would ejaculate something2 and     
still as he listened his eyes grew  more
 and more bloodshot with interest and   
compassion4 ',ah1 ,i see6'  he said     
then2 'you want to send him to a        
madhouse8--,don't do it1' he  continued1

 in a tone of expostulation1 almost     
entreaty4 ',poor boy6  ,he may get over 
it4 ,let his friends look to him4 ,he   
has a sister1  you say8' ,i quickly     
reassured him1 telling him such was no  
one's  desire1 and saying ,i would come 
to the point in a moment1 only there    
was one thing more which had interested 
me greatly1 as revealing how  a brain in
 such a condition will befool itself1   
all but generating  two                 
individualities4--,there ,i am afraid ,i
 put my foot in it1 but he  was far too 
simple to see it was cloven--ha6 ha6 and
 ,i hastened to  remark that1 as a      
magistrate1 he must have numberless     
opportunities  of noting similar        
phenomena4 ,he waved his hand in        
deprecation1 and ,i  hastened to remark 
that1 up to a certain point1 whatever   
hint the  newspapers had given1 ,leopold
 had expanded and connected with every  
other1 but that at one part of the story
 ,i had found him entirely at  fault3 he
 could not tell what he did1 where he   

went1 or how he had  felt1 first after  
the deed was done4 ,he confessed all    
after that was  a blank until he found  
himself in bed4 ,but when ,i told him   
something  he had not seen--which his   
worship might remember--the testimony   
namely of the coast-guardsmen--about the
 fishing-boat with the two  men in      
it--,i had here to refresh his memory as
 to the whole of that  circumstance--and
 did so by handing him the newspaper    
containing  it--that was what ,i made   
you give me the paper for--,i have lost 
the  thread of my sentence1 but never   
mind4 ,i told him then something ,i     
have not told you yet1 ,helen1 namely1  
that when ,i happened to allude  to that
 portion of the story1 ,leopold started 
up with flashing eyes1  and exclaimed1  
',now ,i remember6 ,it all comes back to
 me as clear as  day4 ,i remember       
running down the hill1 and jumping into 
the boat  just as they shoved off4 ,i   
was exhausted1 and fell down in the     
stern4 ,when ,i came to myself1 the two 

men were forward3 ,i saw their  legs    
beneath the sails4 ,i thought they would
 be sure to give me up1  and at once ,i 
slipped overboard4 ,the water revived   
me1 but when ,i  reached the shore1 ,i  
fell down again1 and lay there ,i don't 
know how  long4 ,indeed ,i don't        
remember anything more except very      
confusedly4'  ,that is what ,leopold    
said1 and what ,i now told ,mr4 ,hooker4
 ,then at  last ,i opened my mind to him
 as to wherein ,i ventured to ask his   
assistance2 and my petition was1 that he
 would allow me to bring  ,leopold1 and 
would let him go through the form of    
giving himself up  to justice4          
,especially ,i begged that he would     
listen to all he had  to say1 and give  
no sign that he doubted his story4 ',and
 then1 sir1'  ,i concluded1 ',i would   
leave it to you to do what we           
cannot--reconcile  him to going home    
instead of to prison4'    ,he sat with  
his head on his hand for a while1 as if 
pondering some  weighty question of law4

 ,then he said suddenly3 ',it is now    
almost  church-time4 ,i will think the  
matter over4 ,you may rely upon me4     
,will you take a seat in my pew and dine
 with us after8' ,i excused  myself on  
the ground that ,i must return at once  
to poor ,leopold1 who  was anxiously    
looking for me4 ,and you must forgive   
me1 ,helen1 and  not fancy me misusing  
,fanny1 if ,i did yield to the          
temptation of a  little longer ride4 ,i 
have scarcely more than walked her1 with
 a  canter now and then when we had the 
chance of a bit of turf4    ,helen      
assured him with grateful eyes that she 
knew ,fanny was as safe  with him as    
with herself2 and she felt such a gush  
of gratitude  follow the revival of     
hope1 that she was nearer being in love 
with  her cousin to ever before4 ,her   
gratitude inwardly delighted ,george1   
and he thought the light in her blue    
eyes lovelier than ever2 but  although  
strougly tempted1 he judged it better to
 delay a formal  confession until       

circumstances should be more            
comfortable4              ,,chapter     
,,iii4    ,,the ,,confession4           
,all that and the following day ,leopold
 was in spirits for him  wonderful4 ,on 
,monday night there came a considerable 
reaction2 he  was dejected1 worn1 and   
weary4 ,twelve o'clock the next day was 
the  hour appointed for their visit to  
,mr4 ,hooker1 and at eleven he was      
dressed and ready--restless1 agitated1  
and very pale1 but not a whit  less     
determined than at first4 ,a drive was  
the pretext for borrowing  ,mrs4        
,ramshorn's carriage4    ,why is ,mr4   
,wingfold not coming8 asked ,lingard1   
anxiously1 when it  began to move4    ,i
 fancy we shall be quite as comfortable 
without him1 ,poldie1 said  ,helen4 ,did
 you expect him8    ,he promised to go  
with me4 ,but he hasn't called since the
 time was  fixed4--,here ,helen looked  
out of the window4--,i can't think why  
it  is4 ,i can do my duty without him   
though1 continued ,leopold1 and  perhaps

 it is just as well4--,do you know1     
,george1 since ,i made up my  mind1 ,i  
have seen her but once1 and that was    
last night1 and only in  a dream4    ,a 
state of irresolution is one peculiarly 
open to unhealthy  impressions1 said    
,george1 good-naturedly disposing of his
 long legs  so that they should be out  
of the way4    ,leopold turned from him 
to his sister4    ,the strange thing1   
,helen1 he said1 was that ,i did not    
feel the  least afraid of her1 or even  
abashed before her4 ',i see you1' ,i    
said4 ',be at peace4 ,i am coming2 and  
you shall do to me what you  will4' ,and
 then--what do you think8--,o my ,god6  
she smiled one of her  own old smiles1  
only sad too1 very sad1 and vanished4 ,i
 woke1 and  she seemed only to have just
 left the room1 for there was a stir in 
the darkness4--,do you believe in       
ghosts1 ,george8    ,leopold was not one
 of ,george's initiated1 ,i need hardly 
say4    ,no1 answered ,bascombe4    ,i  
don't wonder4 ,i can't blame you1 for   

neither did ,i once4 ,but just  wait    
till you have made one1 ,george6    ,god
 forbid6 exclaimed ,bascombe1 a second  
time forgetting himself4    ,amen6 said 
,leopold3 for after that there's no help
 but be one  yourself1 you know4    ,if 
he would only talk like that to old     
,hooker6 thought ,george4 ,it  would go 
a long way to forestall any possible    
misconception of the  case4    ,i can't 
think why ,mr4 ,wingfold did not come   
yesterday1 resumed  ,leopold4 ,i made   
sure he would4    ,now1 ,poldie1 you    
mustn't talk1 said ,helen1 or you'll be 
exhausted  before we get to ,mr4        
,hooker's4    ,she did not wish the     
non-appearance of the curate on ,monday 
to be  closely inquired into4 ,his      
company at the magistrate's was by all  
possible means to be avoided4 ,george   
had easily persuaded ,helen1  more      
easily than he expected1 to wait their  
return in the carriage1  and the two men
 were shown into the library1 where the 
magistrate  presently joined them4 ,he  

would have shaken hands with ,leopold as
  well as ,george1 but the conscious    
felon drew back4    ,no1 sir2 excuse me1
 he said4 ,hear what ,i have to tell you
 first2  and if after that you will     
shake hands with me1 it will be a       
kindness indeed4 ,but you will not6 you 
will not6    ,worthy ,mr4 ,hooker was   
overwhelmed with pity at sight of the   
worn  sallow face with the great eyes1  
in which he found every appearance      
confirmatory of the tale wherewith      
,bascombe had filled and  prejudiced    
every fibre of his judgment4 ,he        
listened in the kindest  way while the  
poor boy forced the words of his        
confession from his  throat4 ,but       
,leopold never dreamed of attributing   
his emotion to any  other cause than    
compassion for one who had been betrayed
 into such  a crime4 ,it was against his
 will1 for he seemed now bent1 even to  
unreason1 on fighting every weakness1   
that he was prevailed upon to  take a   
little wine4 ,having ended1 he sat      

silent1 in the posture of  one whose    
wrists are already clasped by the double
 bracelet of  steel4    ,now ,mr4       
,hooker had thought the thing out in    
church on the ,sunday2  and after a hard
 run at the tail of a strong fox over a 
rough  country on the ,monday1 and a    
good sleep well into the morning of the 
,tuesday1 could see no better way4 ,his 
device was simple enough4    ,my dear   
young gentleman1 he said1 ,i am very    
sorry for you1 but ,i  must do my duty4 
,that1 sir1 is what ,i came to you for1 
answered ,leopold1 humbly4    ,then you 
must consider yourself my prisoner4 ,the
 moment you1 are  gone1 ,i shall make   
notes of your deposition1 and proceed to
 arrange  for the necessary formalities4
 ,as a mere matter of form1 ,i shall    
take your own bail in a thousand pounds 
to surrender when called  upon4    ,but 
,i am not of age1 and haven't got a     
thousand pounds1 said  ,leopold4        
,perhaps ,mr4 ,hooker will accept my    
recognizance in the amount8 said        

,bascombe4    ,certainly1 answered ,mr4 
,hooker1 and wrote something1 which     
,bascombe signed4    ,you are very good1
 ,george1 said ,leopold4 ,but you know  
,i can't run  away if ,i would1 he added
 with a pitiful attempt at a smile4     
,i hope you will soon be better1 said   
the magistrate kindly4    ,why such a   
wish1 sir8 returned ,leopold1 almost    
reproachfully1 and  the good man stood  
abashed before him4    ,he thought of it
 afterwards1 and was puzzled to know how
 it was4    ,you must hold yourself in  
readiness1 he said1 recovering himself  
with an effort1 to give yourself up at  
any moment4 ,and1 rememher1 ,i  shall   
call upon you when ,i please1 every     
week1 perhaps1 or oftener1  to see that 
you are safe4 ,your aunt is an old      
friend of mine1 and  there will be no   
need of explanations4 ,this turns out to
 be no  common case1 and after hearing  
the whole1 ,i do not hesitate to offer  
you my hand4    ,leopold was overcome by
 his kindness1 and withdrew speechless1 

but  greatly relieved4    ,several times
 during the course of his narrative1 its
 apparent  truthfulness and its         
circumstantiality went nigh to stagger  
,mr4  ,hooker2 but a glance at          
,bascombe's face1 with its half-amused  
smile1  instantly set him right again1  
and he thought with dismay how near  he 
had been to letting himself be fooled by
 a madman4    ,again in the carriage1   
,leopold laid his head on ,helen's      
shoulder1  and looked up in her face    
with such a smile as she had never seen 
on  his before4 ,certainly there was    
something in confession--if only        
enthusiasts like ,mr4 ,wingfold would   
not spoil all by pushing things  to     
extremes and turning good into bad6     
,leopold was yet such a child1 had so   
little occupied himself with  things    
about him1 and had been so entirely     
taken up with his  passion1 and the     
poetry of existence unlawfully forced1  
that if his  knowledge of the           
circumstances of ,emmeline's murder had 

depended on  the newspapers1 he would   
have remained in utter ignorance        
concerning  them4 ,from the same causes 
he was so entirely unacquainted with the
  modes of criminal procedure1 that the 
conduct of the magistrate  never struck 
him as strange1 not to say illegal4 ,and
 so strongly did  he feel the good man's
 kindness and sympathy1 that his comfort
 from  making a clean breast of it was  
even greater than he expected4  ,before 
they reached home he was fast asleep4   
,when laid on his couch1  he almost fell
 asleep again1 and ,helen saw him smile 
as he slept4              ,,chapter     
,,iv4    ,,the ,,mask4            ,but  
although such was ,george ,bascombe's   
judgment of ,leopold1 and  such his     
conduct of his affair1 he could not     
prevent the recurrent  intrusion of the 
flickering doubt which had showed itself
 when first  he listened to the story4  
,amid all the wildness of the tale there
  was yet a certain air1 not merely of  
truthfulness in the  narrator--that was 

not to be questioned--but of            
verisimilitude in  the narration1 which 
had its effect1 although it gave rise to
 no  conscious exercise of              
discriminating or ponderating faculty4  
,leopold's air of conviction also1      
although of course that might well      
accompany the merest invention rooted in
 madness1 yet had its force1            
persistently as ,george pooh-poohed     
it--which he did the more  strenuously  
from the intense1 even morbid abhorrence
 of his nature  to being taken in1 and  
having to confess himself of unstable   
intellectual equilibrium4 ,possibly this
 was not the only kind of  thing in     
which the sensitiveness of a vanity he  
would himself have  disowned1 had       
rendered him unfit for perceiving the   
truth4 ,nor do ,i  know how much there  
may be to choose between the two        
shames--that of  accepting what is      
untrue1 and that of refusing what is    
true4    ,the second time he listened to
 ,leopold's continuous narrative1 the   

doubt returned with more clearness and  
less flicker3 there was such  a thing as
 being over-wise3 might he not be taking
 himself in with  his own incredulity8  
,ought he not to apply some test8 ,and  
did  ,leopold's story offer any means of
 doing so8--,one thing1 he then  found1 
had been dimly haunting his thoughts    
ever since he heard it3  ,leopold       
affirmed that he had thrown his cloak   
and mask down an old  pit-shaft1 close  
by the place of murder3 if there was    
such a shaft1  could it be              
searched8--,recurring doubt at length so
 wrought upon his  mind1 that he        
resolved to make his holiday excursion  
to that  neighbourhood1 and there       
endeavour to gain what assurance of any 
sort might be to be had4 ,what end      
beyond his own possible  satisfaction   
the inquiry was to answer he did not ask
 himself4 ,the  restless spirit of the  
detective1 so often conjoined with      
indifference to what is in its own      
nature true1 was at work in  him--but   

that was not all3 he must know the very 
facts1 if possible1  of whatever        
concerned ,helen4 ,i shall not follow   
his proceedings  closely3 it is with    
their reaction upon ,leopold that ,i    
have to do4    ,the house where the     
terrible thing took place was not far   
from a  little moorland village4 ,there 
,bascombe found a small inn1 where he   
took up his quarters1 pretending to be a
 geologist out for a  holiday4 ,he soon 
came upon the disused shaft4    ,the inn
 was a good deal frequented in the      
evenings by the colliers  of the        
district--a rough race1 but not beyond  
the influences of such  an address1     
mingled of self-assertion and good      
fellowship1 as  ,bascombe brought to    
bear upon them1 for he had soon         
perceived that  amongst them he might   
find the assistance he wanted4 ,in the  
course  of conversation1 therefore1 he  
mentioned the shaft1 on which he        
pretended to have come in his rambles4  
,remarking on the danger of  such       

places1 he learned that this one served 
for ventilation1 and  was still         
accessible below from other workings4   
,thereafter he begged  permission to go 
down one of the pits1 on pretext of     
examining the  coal-strata1 and having  
secured for his guide one of the most   
intelligent of those whose acquaintance 
he had made at the inn1  persuaded him1 
partly by expressions of incredulity    
because of the  distance between1 to    
guide him to the bottom of the shaft    
whose  accessibility he maintained4     
,that they were going in the right      
direction1 he had the testimony of the  
little compass he carried at  his       
watch-chain1 and at length he saw a     
faint gleam before him4 ,when  at last  
he raised his head1 wearily bent beneath
 the low roofs of  the passages1 and    
looked upwards1 there was a star looking
 down at  him out of the sky of day6    
,but ,george never wasted time in       
staring  at what was above his head1 and
 so began instantly to search about  as 

if examining the indications of the     
strata4 ,was it possible8  ,could it be8
 ,there was a piece of black something  
that was not coal1  and seemed textile6 
,it was a half-mask1 for there were the 
eye-holes in it6 ,he caught it up and   
hurried it into his bag--not so  quickly
 but that the haste set his guide       
speculating4 ,and ,bascombe  saw that   
the action was noted4 ,the man          
afterwards offered to carry  his bag1   
but he would not allow him4    ,the next
 morning he left the place and returned 
to ,london1 taking  ,glaston1 by a      
detour1 on his way4 ,a few questions to 
,leopold drew  from him a description of
 the mask he had worn1 entirely         
corresponding with the one ,george had  
found2 and at length he was  satisfied  
that there was truth more than a little 
in ,leopold's  confession4 ,it was not  
his business1 however1 he now said to   
himself1 to set magistrates right4      
,true1 he had set ,mr4 ,hooker wrong  in
 the first place1 but he had done it in 

good faith1 and how could  he turn      
traitor to ,helen and her brother8      
,besides1 he was sure the  magistrate   
himself would be anything but obliged to
 him for opening  his eyes6 ,at the same
 time ,leopold's fanatic eagerness after
  confession might drive the matter     
further1 and if so1 it might  become    
awkward for him4 ,he might be looked to 
for the defence1 and  were he not       
certain that his guide had marked his   
concealment of  what he had picked up1  
he might have ventured to undertake it1 
for  certainly it would have been a rare
 chance for a display of the  forensic  
talent he believed himself to possess2  
but as it was1 the  moment he was called
 to the bar--which would be within a    
fortnight--he would go abroad1 say to   
,paris1 and there1 for twelve  months or
 so1 await events4    ,when he disclosed
 to ,helen his evil success in the      
coalpit1 it was  but the merest film of 
a hope it destroyed1 for she ,,knew that
 her  brother was guilty4 ,george and   

she now felt that they were linked by   
the possession of a common1 secret4     
,but the cloak had been found a short   
time before1 and was in the  possession 
of ,emmeline's mother4 ,that mother was 
a woman of strong  passions and         
determined character4 ,the first shock  
of the  catastrophe over1 her grief was 
almost supplanted by a rage for         
vengeance1 in the compassing of which no
 doubt she vaguely imagined  she would  
be doing something to right her         
daughter4 ,hence the  protracted        
concealment of the murderer was         
bitterness to her soul1  and she vowed  
herself to discovery and revenge as the 
one business  of her life4 ,in this her 
husband1 a good deal broken by the      
fearful  event1 but still more by       
misfortunes of another kind which had   
begun  to threaten him1 offered her no  
assistance1 and indeed felt neither  her
 passion urge him1 nor her perseverance 
hold him to the pursuit4    ,in the     
neighbourhood her mind was well known1  

and not a few found  their advantage in 
supplying her passion with the fuel of  
hope4 ,any  hint of evidence1 however   
small1 the remotest suggestion even     
towards discovery1 they would carry at  
once to her1 for she was an  open-handed
 woman1 and in such case would give with
 a profusion  that1 but for the feeling 
concerned1 would have been absurd1 and  
did  expose her to the greed of every   
lying mendicant within reach of  her4   
,not unnaturally1 therefore1 it had     
occurred to a certain  collier to make  
his way to the bottom of the shaft1 on  
the  chance--hardly of finding1 but of  
being enabled to invent something  worth
 reporting2 and there1 to the very      
fooling of his barren  expectation1 he  
had found the cloak4    ,the mother had 
been over to ,holland1 where she had    
instituted  unavailing inquiries in the 
villages along the coast and among the  
islands1 and had been home but a few    
days when the cloak was carried  to her4
 ,in her mind it immediately associated 

itself with the  costumes of the        
horrible ball1 and at once she sought   
the list of  her guests thereat4 ,it was
 before her at the very moment when the 
man1 who had been ,bascombe's guide1    
sent in to request an interview1  the   
result of which was to turn her         
attention for the time in  another      
direction4--,who might the visitor to   
the mine have been8    ,little was to be
 gathered in the neighbourhood beyond   
the facts that  the letters ,g4 ,b4 were
 on his carpet-bag1 and that a scrap of 
torn  envelope bore what seemed the     
letters mple4 ,she despatched the poor  
indications to an inquiry-office in     
,london4              ,,chapter ,v4     
,,further ,,decision4            ,the   
day after his confession to ,mr4        
,hooker1 a considerable re-action  took 
place in ,lingard4 ,he did not propose  
to leave his bed1 and lay  exhausted4   
,he said he had caught cold4 ,he coughed
 a little2 wondered  why ,mr4 ,wingfold 
did not come to see him1 dozed a good   

deal1 and  often woke with a start4     
,mrs4 ,ramshorn thought ,helen ought to 
make  him get up3 nothing1 she said1    
could be worse for him than lying in    
bed2 but ,helen thought1 even if her    
aunt were right1 he must be  humoured4  
,the following day ,mr4 ,hooker called1 
inquired after him1  and went up to his 
room to see him4 ,there he said all he  
could think  of to make him comfortable2
 repeated that certain preliminaries had
  to be gone through before the         
commencement of the prosecution2 said   
that while these went on1 it was better 
he should be in his sister's  care than 
in prison1 where1 if he went at once1 he
 most probably  would die before the    
trial came on2 that in the meantime he  
was  responsible for him2 that1 although
 he had done quite right in  giving     
himself up1 he must not let what was    
done and could no more  be helped1 prey 
too much upon his mind1 lest it should  
render him  unable to give his evidence 
with proper clearness1 and he should be 

judged insane and sent to ,broadmoor1   
which would be frightful4 ,he  ended by 
saying that he had had great            
provocation1 and that he was  certain   
the judge would consider it in passing  
sentence1 only he  must satisfy the jury
 there had been no premeditation4    ,i 
will not utter a word to excuse myself1 
,mr4 ,hooker1 replied  ,leopold4    ,the
 worthy magistrate smiled sadly1 and    
went away1 if possible1 more  convinced 
of the poor lad's insanity4    ,the     
visit helped ,leopold over that day1 but
 when the next also  passed1 and neither
 did ,wingfold appear1 nor any          
explanation of his  absence reach him1  
he made up his mind to act again for    
himself4    ,the cause of the curate's  
apparent neglect1 though ill to find1   
was  not far to seek4    ,on the        
,monday1 he had1 upon some pretext or   
other1 been turned away2  on the        
,tuesday1 he had been told that ,mr4    
,lingard had gone for a  drive2 on the  
,wednesday1 that he was much too tired  

to be seen2 and  thereupon had at length
 judged it better to leave things to    
right  themselves4 ,if ,leopold did not 
want to see him1 it would be of no  use 
by persistence to force his way to him2 
while on the other hand1  if he did want
 to see him1 he felt convinced the poor 
fellow would  manage to have his own way
 somehow4    ,the next morning after he 
had thus resolved1 ,leopold declared    
himself better1 and got up and dressed4 
,he then lay on the sofa and  waited as 
quietly as he could until ,helen went   
out--,mr1 ,faber  insisting she should  
do so every day4 ,it was no madness1 but
 a  burning desire for life1 coupled    
with an utter carelessness of that      
which is commonly called life1 that now 
ruled his behaviour4 ,he tied  his      
slippers on his feet1 put on his        
smoking-cap1 crept unseen from  the     
house1 and took the direction1 of the   
,abbey4 ,the influence of  the air--by  
his weakness rendered intoxicating1 the 
strange look of  everything around him1 

the nervous excitement of every human   
approach1 kept him up until he reached  
the churchyard1 across which  he was    
crawling1 to find the curate's lodging1 
when suddenly his  brain seemed to go   
swimming away into regions beyond the   
senses4 ,he  attempted to seat himself  
on a grave-stone1 but lost              
consciousness1  and fell at full length 
between that and the next one4    ,when 
,helen returned1 she was horrified to   
find that he had  gone--when1 or whither
 nobody knew3 no one had missed him4    
,her first  fear was the river1 but her 
conscience enlightened her1 and her     
shame could not prevent her from seeking
 him at the curate's4 ,in her  haste she
 passed him where he lay4    ,shown into
 the curate's study1 she gave a hurried 
glance around1 and  her anxiety became  
terror again4    ,oh6 ,mr4 ,wingfold1   
she cried1 where is ,leopold8    ,i have
 not seen him1 replied the curate1      
turning pale4    ,then he has thrown    
himself in the river6 cried ,helen1 and 

sank on  a chair4    ,the curate caught 
up his hat4    ,you wait here1 he said4 
,i will go and look for him4    ,but    
,helen rose1 and1 without another word1 
they set off together1  and again       
entered the churchyard4 ,as they hurried
 across it1 the  curate caught sight of 
something on the ground1 and1 springing 
forward1 found ,leopold4    ,he is dead6
 cried ,helen1 in an agony1 when she saw
 him stop and  stoop4    ,he looked dead
 indeed2 but what appalled her the most 
reassured  ,wingfold a little3 blood had
 flowed freely from a cut on his        
eyebrow4    ,the curate lifted him1 no  
hard task1 out of the damp shadow1 and  
laid him on the stone1 which was warm in
 the sun1 with his head on  ,helen's    
lap1 then ran to order the carriage1 and
 hastened back with  brandy4 ,they got a
 little into his mouth1 but he could not
 swallow  it4 ,still it seemed to do him
 good1 for presently he gave a deep     
sigh2 and just then they heard the      
carriage stop at the gate4  ,wingfold   

took him up1 carried him to it1 got in  
with him in his  arms1 and held him on  
his knees until he reached the manor    
house1  when he carried him upstairs and
 laid him on the sofa4 ,when they had   
brought him round a little1 he undressed
 him and put him to bed4    ,do not     
leave me1 murmured ,leopold1 just as    
,helen entered the room1  and she heard 
it4    ,wingfold looked to her for the  
answer he was to make4 ,her bearing  was
 much altered3 she was both ashamed and 
humbled4    ,yes1 ,leopold1 she said1   
,mr4 ,wingfold will1 ,i am sure1 stay   
with  you as long as he can4    ,indeed 
,i will1 assented the curate4 ,but ,i   
must run for ,mr4 ,faber  first4    ,how
 did ,i come here8 asked ,leopold1      
opening his eyes large upon  ,helen     
after swallowing a spoonful of the broth
 she held to his lips4    ,but1 before  
she could answer him1 he turned sick1   
and by the time  the doctor came was    
very feverish4 ,faber gave the necessary
  directions1 and ,wingfold walked back 

with him to get his  prescription made  
up4              ,,chapter ,,vi4        
,,the ,,curate ,,and ,,the ,,doctor4    
,there is something strange about that  
young man's illness1 said  ,faber1 as   
soon as they had left the house4 ,i     
fancy you know more  than you can tell1 
and if so1 then ,i have committed no    
indiscretion  in saying as much4        
,perhaps it might be an indiscretion to 
acknowledge as much  however1 said the  
curate with a smile4    ,you are right4 
,i have not been long in the place1     
returned ,faber1  and you had no        
opportunity of testing me4 ,but ,i am   
indifferent  honest as well as you1     
though ,i don't go you in everything4   
,people would have me believe you don't 
go with me in anything4    ,they say as 
much--do they8 returned ,faber with some
 annoyance4 ,i  thought ,i had been     
careful not to trespass on your         
preserves4    ,as for preserves1 ,i     
don't know of any1 answered the curate4 
,there  is no true bird in the grounds  

that won't manage somehow to escape  the
 snare of the fowler4    ,well1 said the
 doctor1 ,i know nothing about ,god and 
all that kind  of thing1 but1 though ,i 
don't think ,i'm a coward exactly       
either1 ,i  know ,i should like to have 
your pluck4    ,i haven't got any pluck1
 said the curate4    ,tell that to the  
marines1 said ,faber4 ,i daren't go and 
say what ,i  think or don't think1 even 
in the bedroom of my least orthodox     
patient--at least1 if ,i do1 ,i         
instantly repent it--while you go on    
saying what you really believe ,sunday  
after ,sunday6--,how you can  believe   
it1 ,i don't know1 and it's no business 
of mine4    ,oh yes1 it is6 returned    
,wingfold4 ,but as to the pluck1 it may 
be  a man's duty to say in the pulpit   
what he would be just as wrong to  say  
by a sick-bed4    ,that has nothing to  
do with the pluck6 ,that's all ,i care  
about4    ,it has everything to do with 
what you take for pluck4 ,my pluck is   
only ,don ,worm4    ,i don't know what  

you mean by that4    ,it's ,benedick's  
name1 in ,much ,ado about ,nothing1 for 
the  conscience4 ,,my pluck is nothing  
but my conscience4    ,it's a damned    
fine thing to have anyhow1 whatever name
 you put upon  it6 said ,faber4         
,excuse me if ,i find your epithet more 
amusing than apt1 said  ,wingfold1      
laughing4    ,you are quite right1 said 
,faber4 ,i apologize4    ,as to the     
pluck again1 ,wingfold resumed1 --if you
 think of this  one fact--that my whole 
desire is to believe in ,god1 and that  
the  only thing ,i can be sure of       
sometimes is that1 if there be a ,god1  
none but an honest man will ever find   
him1 you will not then say  there is    
much pluck in my speaking the truth8    
,i don't see that that makes it a hair  
easier1 in the face of such a  set of   
gaping noodles as--    ,i beg your      
pardon3--there is more lack of          
conscience than of brains  in the ,abbey
 of a ,sunday1 ,i fear4    ,well1 all ,i
 have to say is1 ,i can't for the life  

of me see what you  want to believe in a
 ,god for6 ,it seems to me the world    
would go  rather better without any such
 fancy4 ,look here now3 there is young  
,spenser--out there at ,harwood--a      
patient of mine4 ,his wife died         
yesterday--one of the loveliest young   
creatures you ever saw4 ,the  poor      
fellow is as bad about it as fellow can 
be4 ,well1 he's one of  your sort1 and  
said to me the other day1 just as you   
would have him1  ',it's the will of     
,god1' he said1 'and we must hold our   
peace4'--',don't  talk to me about      
,god1' ,i said1 for ,i couldn't stand   
it4 ',do you mean  to tell me that1 if  
there was a ,god1 he would have taken   
such a lovely  creature as that away    
from her husband and her helpless       
infant1 at the  age of two and twenty8  
,i scorn to believe it4'    ,what did he
 say to that8    ,he turned as white as 
death1 and said never a word4    ,ah1   
you forgot that you were taking from him
 his only hope of  seeing her again6    

,i certainly did not think of that1 said
 ,faber4    ,even then1 resumed         
,wingfold1 ,i should not say you were   
wrong1 if  you were prepared to add that
 you had searched every possible region 
of existence1 and had found no ,god2 or 
that you had tried every  theory man had
 invented1 or even that you were able to
 invent  yourself1 and had found none of
 them consistent with the being of a    
,god4 ,i do not say that then you would 
be right in your judgment1 for  another 
man1 of equal weight1 might have had a  
different experience4  ,i only say1 ,i  
would not then blame you4 ,but you must 
allow it a very  serious thing to assert
 as a conviction1 without such grounds  
as the  assertor has pretty fully       
satisfied himself concerning1 what      
,,could  only drive the sting of death  
ten times deeper4    ,the doctor was    
silent4    ,i doubt not you spoke in a  
burst of indignation2 but it seems to me
  the indignation of a man unaccustomed 
to ponder the things  concerning which  

he expresses such a positive conviction4
    ,you are wrong there1 returned      
,faber2 for ,i was brought up in the    
straitest sect of the ,pharisees1 and   
know what ,i am saying4    ,the         
straitest sect of the ,pharisees can    
hardly be the school in  which to gather
 any such idea of a ,god as one could   
wish to be a  reality4    ,they profess 
to know4    ,is that any argument of    
weight1 they and their opinions being   
what  they are8--,if there be a ,god1 do
 you imagine he would choose any  strait
 sect under the sun to be his           
interpreters8    ,but the question is   
not of the idea of a ,god1 but of the   
existence  of any1 seeing1 if he exists1
 he must be such as the human heart     
could never accept as ,god1 inasmuch as 
he at least permits1 if not  himself    
enacts cruelty4 ,my argument to poor    
,spenser remains--however  unwise or    
indeed cruel it may have been4    ,i    
grant it a certain amount of force--as  
much exactly as had gone  to satisfy the

 children whom ,i heard the other day   
agreeing that ,dr4  ,faber was a very   
cruel man1 for he pulled out nurse's    
tooth1 and  gave poor little baby such a
 nasty1 nasty powder6    ,is that a fair
 parallel8 ,i must look at it4    ,i    
think it is4 ,what you do is often      
unpleasant1 sometimes most  painful1 but
 it does not follow that you are a cruel
 man1 and a  hurter instead of a healer 
of men4    ,i think there is a fault in 
the analogy1 said ,faber4 ,for here am  
,i nothing but a slave to laws already  
existing1 and compelled to  work        
according to them4 ,it is not my fault  
therefore that the  remedies ,i have to 
use are unpleasant4 ,but if there be a  
,god1 he has  the matter in his own     
hands4    ,there is weight and justice  
in your argument1 which may well make   
the analogy appear at first sight false4
 ,but is there no theory  possible that 
should make it perfect8    ,i do not see
 how there should be any4 ,for1 if you  
say ,god is under  any such compulsion  

as ,i am under1 then surely the house is
 divided  against itself1 and ,god is   
not ,god any more4    ,for my part1 said
 the curate1 ,i think ,i ,,could believe
 in a ,god  who did but his imperfect   
best3 in one all power1 and not all     
goodness1 ,i could not believe4 ,but    
suppose that the design of ,god         
involved the perfecting of men as the   
,,children ,,of ,,god--',i said ye  are 
gods1'--that he would have them         
partakers of his own blessedness  in    
kind--be as himself2--suppose his grand 
idea could not be  contented with       
creatures perfect ,,only by his gift1 so
 far as that  should reach1 and having  
no willing causal share in the          
perfection1  that is1 partaking not at  
all of ,god's individuality and         
free-will  and choice of good2 then     
suppose that suffering were the only way
  through which the individual could be 
set1 in separate and                    
self-individuality1 so far apart from   
,god1 that it might ,,will1 and  so     

become a partaker of his singleness and 
freedom2--and suppose  that this        
suffering must be and had been initiated
 by ,god's taking  his share1 and that  
the infinitely greater share2--suppose  
next1  that ,god saw the germ of a pure 
affection1 say in your friend and  his  
wife1 but saw also that it was a germ so
 imperfect and weak that  it could not  
encounter the coming frosts and winds of
 the world  without loss and decay1     
while1 if they were parted now for a few
  years1 it would grow and strengthen   
and expand1 to the certainty of  an     
infinitely higher and deeper and keener 
love through the endless  ages to       
follow--so that by suffering should     
come1 in place of  contented decline1   
abortion1 and death1 a troubled birth of
 joyous  result in health and           
immortality2--suppose all this1 and what
 then8    ,faber was silent a moment1   
then answered1    ,your theory has but  
one fault3 it is too good to be true4   
,my theory leaves plenty of difficulty1 

but has no such fault as  that4 ,why1   
what sort of a ,god would content you1  
,mr4 ,faber8 ,the one  idea is too bad1 
the other too good to be true4 ,must you
 expand and  pare until you get one     
exactly to the measure of yourself ere  
you  can accept it as thinkable or      
possible8 ,why1 a less ,god than that   
would not rest your soul a week4 ,the   
only possibility of believing  in a ,god
 seems to me to lie in finding an idea  
of a ,god large  enough1 grand enough1  
pure enough1 lovely enough to be fit to 
believe in4    ,and have you found      
such--may ,i ask8    ,i think ,i am     
finding such4    ,where8    ,in the man 
of the ,new ,testament4 ,i have thought 
a little more about  these things1 ,i   
fancy1 than you have1 ,mr4 ,faber4 ,i   
may come to be  sure of something2 ,i   
don't see how a man can ever be sure of 
,,nothing4    ,don't suppose me quite   
dumbfoundered1 though ,i can't answer   
you off  hand1 said ,mr4 ,faber1 as they
 reached his door4--,come in with me1   

and ,i will make up the medicine myself2
 it will save time4 ,there are  a       
thousand difficulties1 he resumed in the
 surgery1 some of them  springing from  
peculiar points that come before one of 
my  profession1 which ,i doubt if you   
would be able to meet so readily4  ,but 
about this poor fellow1 ,lingard4 ,you  
know ,glaston gossip says he  is out of 
his mind4    ,if ,i were you1 ,mr4      
,faber1 ,i would not take pains to      
contradict it4  ,he is not out of his   
mind1 but has such trouble in it as     
might well  drive him out4--,don't you  
even hint at that1 though4    ,i        
understand1 said ,faber4    ,if doctor  
and minister did understand each other  
and work  together1 said ,wingfold1 ,i  
fancy a good deal more might be done4   
,i don't doubt it4--,what sort of fellow
 is that cousin of  theirs--,bascombe is
 his name1 ,i believe8    ,a man to suit
 you1 ,i should think1 said the curate2 
a man with a  most tremendous power of  
believing in nothing4    ,come1 come6   

returned the doctor1 you don't know half
 enough about  me to tell what sort of  
man ,i should like or dislike4    ,well1
 all ,i will say more of ,bascombe is1  
that if he were not  conceited he would 
be honest2 and if he were as honest as  
he  believes himself1 he would not be so
 ready to judge every one  dishonest who
 does not agree with him4    ,i hope we 
may have another talk soon1 said the    
doctor1 searching  for a cork4 ,some day
 ,i will tell you a few things that may 
stagger  you4    ,likely enough3 ,i am  
only learning to walk yet1 said         
,wingfold4  ,but a man may stagger and  
not fall1 and ,i am ready to hear       
anything  you choose to tell me4        
,faber handed him the bottle1 and he    
took his leave4              ,,chapter  
,,vii4    ,,helen ,,and ,,the ,,curate4 
,before the morning ,leopold lay wound  
in the net of a low fever1  almost as   
ill as ever1 but with this difference1  
that his mind was  far less troubled1   
and that even his most restless dreams  

no longer  scared him awake to a still  
nearer assurance of misery4 ,and yet1   
many a time1 as she watched by his side1
 it was excruciatingly plain  to ,helen 
that the stuff of which his dreams were 
made was the last  process to the final 
execution of the law4 ,she thought she  
could  follow it all in his movements   
and the expressions of his  countenance4
 ,at a certain point1 the cold dew      
always appeared on his  forehead1 after 
which invariably came a smile1 and he   
would be quiet  until near morning1 when
 the same signs again appeared4         
,sometimes he  would murmur prayers1 and
 sometimes it seemed to ,helen that he  
must  fancy himself talking face to face
 with ,jesus1 for the look of  blessed  
and trustful awe upon his countenance   
was amazing in its  beauty4    ,for     
,helen herself1 she was prey to a host  
of changeful emotions4 ,at  one time she
 accused herself bitterly of having been
 the cause of  the return of his        
illness2 the next a gush of gladness    

would swell  her heart at the thought   
that now she had him at least safer for 
a  while1 and that he might die and so  
escape the whole crowd of  horrible     
possibilities4 ,for ,george's           
manipulation of the magistrate  could   
but delay the disclosure of the truth2  
even should no  discovery be made1      
,leopold must at length suspect a trick1
 and that  would at once drive him to   
fresh action4    ,but amongst the rest1 
a feeling which had but lately begun to 
indicate its far-off presence now       
threatened to bring with it a  deeper   
and more permanent sorrow3 it became    
more and more plain to  her that she had
 taken the evil part against the one she
 loved best  in the world2 that she had 
been as a ,satan to him2 had driven him 
back1 stood almost bodily in the way to 
turn him from the path of  peace4       
,whether the path he had sought to      
follow was the only one or  not1 it was 
the only one he knew2 and that it was at
 least ,a true  one1 was proved by the  

fact that he had already found in it the
  beginnings of the peace he sought2    
while she1 for the avoidance of  shame  
and pity1 for the sake of the family1 as
 she had said to  herself1 had pursued a
 course which if successful1 would at   
best  have resulted in shutting him up1 
as in a madhouse1 with his own  inborn  
horrors1 with vain remorse1 and equally 
vain longing4 ,her  conscience1 now that
 her mind was quieter1 from the greater 
distance  to which the threatening peril
 had again withdrawn1 had taken the     
opportunity of speaking louder4 ,and she
 listened--but still with  one question 
ever presented3 ,why might he not       
appropriate the  consolations of the    
gospel without committing the suicide of
  surrender8 ,she could not see that    
confession was the very door of  refuge 
and safety1 towards which he must press4
    ,george's absence was now again a   
relief1 and while she feared and  shrank
 from the severity of ,wingfold1 she    
could not help a certain  indiscribable 

sense of safety in his presence--at     
least so long as  ,leopold was too ill  
to talk4    ,for the curate1 he became  
more and more interested in the woman   
who  could love so strongly1 and yet not
 entirely1 who suffered and must  still 
suffer so much1 and who a faith even no 
greater than his own  might render      
comparatively blessed4 ,the desire to   
help her grew and  grew in him1 but he  
could see no way of reaching her4 ,and  
then he  began to discover one peculiar 
advantage belonging to the little  open 
chamber of the pulpit--open not only or 
specially to heaven  above1 but to so   
many of the secret chambers of the souls
 of the  congregation4 ,for what a man  
dares not1 could not if he dared1 and   
dared not if he could1 say to another1  
even at the time and in the  place      
fittest of all1 he can say thence1      
open-faced before the whole             
congregation2 and the person in need    
thereof may hear it without  umbrage1 or
 the choking husk of individual         

application1 irritating  to the         
rejection of what truth may lie in it   
for him4 ,would that our  pulpits were  
all in the power of such men as by      
suffering know the  human1 and by       
obedience the divine heart6 ,then would 
the office of  instruction be no more   
mainly occupied by the press1 but the   
faces  of true men would everywhere be  
windows for the light of the ,spirit  to
 enter other men's souls1 and the voice 
of their words would  follow with the   
forms of what truth they saw1 and the   
power of the  ,lord would speed from    
heart to heart4 ,then would men soon    
understand  that not the form of even   
soundest words availeth anything1 but a 
new creature4    ,when ,wingfold was in 
the pulpit1 then1 he could speak as from
 the  secret to the secret2 but         
elsewhere he felt1 in regard to ,helen1 
like a transport-ship filled with       
troops1 which must go sailing  around   
the shores of an invaded ally1 in       
frustrate search for a  landing4 ,oh1 to

 help that woman1 that the light of life
 might go up  in her heart1 and her     
cheek bloom again with the rose of      
peace6 ,but  not a word could he speak  
in her presence1 for he heard everything
  be would have said as he thought it   
would sound to her1 and  therefore he   
had no utterance4 ,is it an infirmity of
 certain kinds  of men1 or a wise       
provision for their protection1 that the
 brightest  forms the truth takes in    
their private cogitations seem to lose  
half  their lustre and all their grace  
when uttered in the presence of an      
unreceptive nature1 and they hear1 as it
 were1 their own voice  reflected in a  
poor1 dull1 inharmonious echo1 and are  
disgusted8    ,but1 on the other hand1  
ever in the pauses of the rushing1 ever 
in  the watery gleams of life that broke
 through the clouds and drifts  of the  
fever1 ,leopold sought his friend1 and1 
finding him1 shone  into a brief        
radiance1 or1 missing him1 gloomed back 
into the land  of visions4 ,the         

tenderness of the curate's service1 the 
heart that  showed itself in everything 
he did1 even in the turn and expression 
of the ministering hand1 was a kind of  
revelation to ,helen4 ,for  while his   
intellect was hanging about the door1   
asking questions1  and uneasily shifting
 hither and thither in its unloved      
perplexities1 the spirit of the master  
had gone by it unseen1 and  entered into
 the chamber of his heart4    ,after    
preaching the sermon last recorded1     
there came a reaction of  doubt and     
depression on the mind of the curate1   
greater than usual4  ,had he not gone   
farther than his right8 ,had he not     
implied more  conviction than was his8  
,words could not go beyond his          
satisfaction  with what he found in the 
gospel1 or the hopes for the range of   
his  conscious life springing therefrom2
 but was he not now making people       
suppose him more certain of the ,,fact  
of these things than he was8 ,he  was   
driven to console himself with the      

reflection that so long as he  had had  
no such intention1 even if he had been  
so carried away by  the delight of his  
heart as to give such an impression1 it 
mattered  little3 what was it to other  
people what he believed or how he       
believed8 ,if he had not been untrue to 
himself1 no harm would  follow4 ,was a  
man never to talk from the highest in   
him to the  forgetting of the lower8    
,was a man never to be carried beyond   
himself and the regions of his          
knowledge8 ,if so1 then farewell  poetry
 and prophecy--yea1 all grand           
discovery6--for things must be  foreseen
 ere they can be realized--apprehended  
ere they be  comprehended4 ,this much he
 could say for himself1 and no more1    
that  he was ready to lay down his life 
for the mere ,,chance1 if he might  so  
use the word1 of these things being     
true2 nor did he argue any  devotion in 
that1 seeing life without them would be 
to him a waste  of unreality4 ,he could 
bear witness to no facts--but to the    

truth1  to the loveliness and harmony   
and righteousness and safety that he    
saw in the idea of the ,son of ,man--as 
he read it in the story4 ,he  dared not 
say what1 in a time of persecution1     
torture might work  upon him1 but he    
felt right hopeful that1 even were he   
base enough  to deny him1 any cock might
 crow him back to repentance4 ,at the   
same  time he saw plain enough that even
 if he gave his body to be burned1  it  
were no sufficing assurance of his      
,christianity3 nothing could  satisfy   
him of that less than the conscious     
presence of the perfect  charity4       
,without that he was still outside the  
kingdom1 wandering in  a dream around   
its walls4    ,difficulties went on     
presenting themselves2 at times he would
 be  overwhelmed in the tossing waves of
 contradiction and impossibility2  but  
still his head would come up into the   
air and he would get a  breath before he
 went down again4 ,and with every fresh 
conflict1  every fresh gleam of doubtful

 victory1 the essential idea of the     
master looked more and more lovely4 ,and
 he began to see the working  of his    
doubts on the growth of his heart and   
soul--both widening  and realizing his  
faith1 and preventing it from becoming  
faith in an  idea of ,god instead of in 
the living ,god--the ,god beyond as well
 as  in the heart that thought and      
willed and imagined4    ,he had much    
time for reflection as he sat silent by 
the bedside of  ,leopold4 ,sometimes    
,helen would be sitting near1 though    
generally  when he arrived she went out 
for her walk1 but never anything came   
to him he could utter to her4 ,and she  
was one of those who learn  little from 
other people4 ,a change must pass upon  
her ere she could  be rightly receptive4
 ,some vapour or other that clouded her 
being  must be driven to the winds      
first4    ,mrs4 ,ramshorn had become at 
least reconciled to the frequent        
presence of the curate1 partly from the 
testimony of ,helen1 partly  from the   

witness of her own eyes to the quality  
of his ministrations4  ,she was by no   
means one of the loveliest among women1 
yet she had a  heart1 and could         
appreciate some kinds of goodness which 
the arrogance  of her relation to the   
church did not interfere to hide--for   
nothing  is so deadening to the divine  
as an habitual dealing with the outsides
  of holy things--and she became        
half-friendly and quite courteous when  
she met the curate on the stair1 and    
would now and then1 when she  thought of
 it1 bring him a glass of wine as he sat
 by the bedside4              ,,chapter 
,,viii4    ,,an ,,examination4          
,the acquaintance between the draper and
 the gate-keeper rapidly  ripened into  
friendship4 ,very generally1 as soon as 
he had shut his  shop1 ,drew would walk 
to the park-gate to see ,polwarth2 and  
three  times a week at least1 the curate
 made one of the party4 ,much was  then 
talked1 more was thought1 and ,i venture
 to say1 more yet was  understood4      

,one evening the curate went earlier    
than usual1 and had tea with the        
,polwarths4    ,do you remember1 he     
asked of his host1 once putting to me   
the  question what our ,lord came into  
this world for8    ,i do1 answered      
,polwarth4    ,and you remember ,i      
answered you wrong3 ,i said it was to   
save the  world4    ,i do4 ,but         
remember1 ,i said primarily1 for of     
course he did come  to save the world4  
,yes1 just so you put it4 ,well1 ,i     
think ,i can answer the question        
correctly now1 and in learning the true 
answer ,i have learned much4  ,did he   
not come first of all to do the will of 
his ,father8 ,was not  his ,father first
 with him always and in everything--his 
fellow-men  next--for they were his     
,father's8    ,i need not say it--you   
know that you are right4 ,jesus is      
tenfold a  real person to you--is he    
not--since you discovered that truth8   
,i think so2 ,i hope so4 ,it does seem  
as if a grand simple reality  had begun 

to dawn upon me out of the fog--the form
 as of a man pure  and simple1 because  
the eternal son of the ,father4    ,and 
now1 may ,i not ask--are you able to    
accept the miracles1 things  in         
themselves so improbable8    ,if we     
suppose the question settled as to      
whether the man was what  he said1 then 
all that remains is to ask whether the  
works reported  of him are consistent   
with what you can see of the character  
of the  man4    ,and to you they seem--8
    ,some consistent1 others not4       
,concerning the latter ,i look for more 
light4    ,meantime let me ask you a    
question about them4 ,what was the main 
object of miracles8    ,one thing at    
least ,i have learned1 ,mr4 ,polwarth   
and that is1 not to  answer any question
 of yours in a hurry1 said ,wingfold4 ,i
 will1 if  you please1 take this one    
home with me1 and hold the light to it4 
,do1 said ,polwarth1 and you will find  
it return you the light                 
threefold4--,one word more1 ere ,mr4    

,drew comes3 do you still think of      
giving up your curacy8    ,i have almost
 forgotten ,i ever thought of such a    
thing4 ,whatever  energies ,i may or may
 not have1 ,i know one thing for        
certain1 that ,i  could not devote them 
to anything else ,i should think        
entirely worth  doing4 ,indeed nothing  
else seems interesting enough--nothing  
to  repay the labour1 but the telling of
 my fellow-men about the one man  who is
 the truth1 and to know whom is the     
life4 ,even if there be no  hereafter1  
,i would live my time believing in a    
grand thing that  ought to be true if it
 is not4 ,no facts can take the place of
  truths1 and if these be not truths1   
then is the loftiest part of our  nature
 a waste4 ,let me hold by the better    
than the actual1 and fall  into         
nothingness off the same precipice with 
,jesus and ,john and ,paul  and a       
thousand more1 who were lovely in their 
lives1 and with their  death make even  
the nothingness into which they have    

passed like the  garden of the ,lord4 ,i
 will go further1 ,polwarth1 and say1 ,i
 would  rather die for evermore         
believing as ,jesus believed1 than live 
for  evermore believing as those that   
deny him4 ,if there be no ,god1 ,i  feel
 assured that existence is and could be 
but a chaos of  contradictions1 whence  
can emerge nothing worthy to be called a
  truth1 nothing worth living for4--,no1
 ,i will not give up my curacy4  ,i will
 teach that which ,,is good1 even if    
there should be no ,god to  make a fact 
of it1 and ,i will spend my life on it1 
in the growing  hope1 which ,,may become
 assurance1 that there is indeed a      
perfect  ,god1 worthy of being the      
,father of ,jesus ,christ1 and that it  
was  ,,because they are true1 that these
 things were lovely to me and to so     
many men and women1 of whom some have   
died for them1 and some would  be yet   
ready to die4    ,i thank my ,god to    
hear you say so4 ,nor will you stand    
still there1  said ,polwarth4 ,but here 

comes ,mr4 ,drew6              ,,chapter
 ,,ix4    ,,immortality4            ,how
 goes business8 said ,polwarth1 when the
 new-comer had seated  himself4    ,that
 is hardly a question ,i look for from  
you1 sir1 returned the  draper1 smiling 
all over his round face1 which looked   
more than ever  like a moon of superior 
intelligence4 ,for me1 ,i am glad to    
leave it  behind me in the shop4        
,true business can never be left in any 
shop4 ,it is a care1 white or  black1   
that sits behind every horseman4        
,that is fact2 and with me it has just  
taken a new shape1 said  ,drew1 for ,i  
have come with quite a fresh difficulty4
 ,since ,i saw  you last1 ,mr4          
,polwarth1 a strange and very           
uncomfortable doubt has  rushed in upon 
me1 and ,i find myself altogether unfit 
to tackle it4  ,i have no weapons--not a
 single argument of the least weight4 ,i
  wonder if it be a law of nature that  
no sooner shall a man get into  a muddle
 with one thing1 than a thousand other  

muddles shall come  pouring in upon him1
 as if ,muddle itself were going to     
swallow him  up6 ,here am ,i just       
beginning to get a little start in      
honester ways1  when up comes the ugly  
head of the said doubt1 swelling itself 
more  and more to look like a           
fact--namely1 that after this world     
there is  nothing for us--nothing at all
 to be had anyhow--that as we came so   
we go--into life1 out of life--that1    
having been nothing before1 we  shall be
 nothing after6 ,the flowers come back  
in the spring1 and the  corn in the     
autumn1 but they ain't the same flowers 
or the same  corn4 ,they're just as     
different as the new generations of men4
    ,there's no pretence that we come   
back either4 ,we only think we  don't go
 into the ground1 but away somewhere    
else4    ,you can't prove that4    ,no4 
,and you don't know anything about it6  
,not much--but enough1 ,i think4        
,why1 even those that profess to believe
 it1 scoff at the idea of an            

apparition--a ghost6    ,that's the     
fault of the ghosts1 ,i suspect--or     
their reporters4 ,i  don't care about   
them myself4 ,i prefer the tale of one  
who1 they  say1 rose again1 and brought 
his body with him4    ,yes2 but he was  
only one6    ,except two or three whom1 
they say1 he brought to life4    ,still 
there are but three or four4    ,to tell
 you the truth1 ,i do not care much to  
argue the point with  you4--,it is by no
 means a matter of the ,,first          
importance whether we  live for ever or 
not4    ,mr4 ,polwarth6 exclaimed the   
draper in such astonishment mingled     
with horror1 as proved he was not in    
immediate danger of becoming an         
advocate of the doctrine of extinction4 
,the gate-keeper smiled what1 but for a 
peculiar expression of  undefinable good
 in it1 might have been called a knowing
 smile4    ,suppose a thing were in     
itself not worth having1 he said1 would 
it be any great enhancement of it as a  
gift to add the assurance  that the     

possession of it was eternal6 ,most     
people think it a fine  thing to have a 
bit of land to call their own and leave 
to their  children2 but suppose a       
stinking and undrainable swamp1 full of 
foul  springs--what consolation would it
 be to the proprietor of that to  know1 
while the world lasted1 not a human     
being would once dispute  its possession
 with any fortunate descendant holding  
it8    ,the draper only stared1 but his 
stare was a thorough one4 ,the curate   
sat waiting1 with both amusement and    
interest1 for what would  follow3 he saw
 the direction in which the little man  
was driving4    ,you astonish me6 said  
,mr4 ,drew1 recovering his mental       
breath4 ,how  can you compare ,god's    
gift to such a horrible thing6 ,where   
should we  be without life8    ,rachel  
burst out laughing1 and the curate could
 not help joining  her4    ,mr4 ,drew1  
said ,polwarth1 half merrily1 are you   
going to help me  drag my chain out of  
its weary length1 or are you too much   

shocked  at the doubtful condition of   
its links to touch them8 ,i promise you 
the last shall be of bright gold4    ,i 
beg your pardon1 said the draper2 ,i    
might have known you didn't  mean it4   
,on the contrary1 ,i mean everything ,i 
say and that literally4  ,perhaps ,i    
don't mean everything you fancy ,i      
mean4--,tell me then1  would life be    
worth having on any and every possible  
condition8    ,certainly not4    ,you   
know some1 ,i dare say1 who would be    
glad to be rid of life such  as it is1  
and such as they suppose it must        
continue8    ,i don't4    ,i do4    ,i  
have already understood that everybody  
clung to life4    ,most people do2      
everybody certainly does not3 ,job1 for 
instance4    ,they say that is but a    
poem4    ,,but a poem6 ,,even a poem--a 
representation true not of this or that 
individual1 but of the race6 ,there     
,,are such persons as would gladly  be  
rid of life1 and in their condition all 
would feel the same4  ,somewhat similar 

is the state of those who profess       
unbelief in the  existence of ,god3 none
 of them expect1 and few of them seem to
 wish  to live for ever6--,at least1 so 
,i am told4    ,that is no wonder1 said 
the draper2 --if they don't believe in  
,god1 ,i mean4    ,then there ,i have   
you6 ,there you allow life to be not    
worth having1  if on certain evil       
conditions4    ,i admit it1 then4       
,and ,i repeat that to prove life       
endless is a matter of the ,,first      
importance4 ,and ,i will go a little    
farther4--,does it follow that  life is 
worth having because a man would like to
 have it for ever8    ,i should say so2 
who should be a better judge than the   
man  himself8    ,let us look at it a   
moment4 ,suppose--we will take a strong 
case--suppose a man whose whole delight 
is in cruelty1 and who has  such        
plentiful opportunity of indulging the  
passion that he finds it  well with     
him--such a man would of course desire  
such a life to  endure for ever3 is such

 a life worth having8 were it well that 
man  should be immortally cruel8    ,not
 for others4    ,still less1 ,i say1 for
 himself4    ,in the judgment of others1
 doubtless2 but to himself he would be  
happy4    ,call his horrible            
satisfaction happiness then1 and leave  
aside the  fact that in its own nature  
it is a horror1 and not a bliss3 a time 
must come1 when1 in the exercise of his 
delight1 he shall have  destroyed all   
life besides1 and made himself alone    
with himself in  an empty world3 will he
 then find life worth having8    ,then  
he ought to live for punishment4        
,with that we have nothing to do now1   
but there you have given me an  answer  
to my question1 whether a man's judgment
 that his life is  worth having1 proves 
immortality a thing to be desired4    ,i
 have4 ,i understand now4    ,it follows
 that there is something of prior       
importance to the  possession of        
immortality3--what is that something8   
,i suppose that the immortality itself  

should be worth possessing4    ,yes2    
that the life should be such that it    
were well it should be  endless4--,and  
what then if it be not such8    ,the    
question then would be whether it could 
not be made such4    ,you are           
right4--,and wherein consists the       
essential inherent  worthiness of a life
 as life8--,the only perfect idea of    
life is--a  unit1 self-existent1 and    
creative4 ,that is ,god1 the only one4  
,but to  this idea1 in its kind1 must   
every life1 to be complete as life1     
correspond2 and the human correspondence
 to self-existence is1 that  the man    
should round and complete himself by    
taking into himself  that origin2 by    
going back and in his own will adopting 
his origin1  rooting therein afresh in  
the exercise of his own freedom and in  
all  the energy of his own self-roused  
will2 in other words--that the man  say 
,i will be after the will of the        
creating ,i2 that he see and  say with  
his whole being that to will the will of

 ,god in himself and  for himself and   
concerning himself1 is the highest      
possible  condition of a man4 ,then has 
he completed his cycle by turning back  
upon his history1 laying hold of his    
cause1 and willing his own  being in the
 will of the only ,i ,,am4 ,this is the 
rounding1  re-creating1 unifying of the 
man4 ,this is religion1 and all that    
gathers not with this1 scatters abroad4 
,and then1 said ,drew1 with some        
eagerness1 lawfully comes the  question1
 ',shall ,i1 or shall ,i not live for   
ever8'    ,pardon me2 ,i think not1     
returned the little prophet4 ,i think   
rather we have done with it for ever4   
,the man with life so in  himself1 will 
not dream of asking whether he shall    
live4 ,it is only  in the twilight of a 
half-life1 holding in it at once much   
wherefore  it should desire its own     
continuance1 and much that renders it   
unworthy of continuance1 that the       
doubtful desire of immortality can      
arise4--,do you remember--here ,polwarth

 turned to ,wingfold--my  mentioning to 
you once a certain manuscript of strange
 interest--to  me at least and          
,rachel--which a brother of mine left   
behind him8    ,i remember it perfectly1
 answered the curate4    ,it seems so to
 mingle with all ,i ever think on this  
question1 that  ,i should much like1 if 
you gentlemen would allow me1 to read   
some  extracts from it4    ,nothing     
could have been heartier than the       
assurance of both the men  that they    
could but be delighted to listen to     
anything he chose to  give them4    ,i  
must first tell you1 however1 said      
,polwarth1 merely to protect  you from  
certain disturbing speculations1        
otherwise sure to present  themselves1  
that my poor brother was mad1 and that  
what ,i now read  portions of seemed to 
him no play of the imagination1 but a   
record  of absolute fact4 ,some parts   
are stranger and less intelligible than 
others1 but through it all there is     
abundance of intellectual  movement1 and

 what seems to me a wonderful keenness  
to perceive the  movements and arrest   
the indications of an imagined          
consciousness4    ,as he spoke1 the     
little man was opening a cabinet in     
which he kept  his precious things4 ,he 
brought from it a good-sized quarto     
volume1  neatly bound in morocco1 with  
gilt edges1 which he seemed to handle   
not merely with respect but with        
tenderness4    ,the heading of the next 
chapter is my own1 and does not belong  
to  the manuscript4                     
,,chapter ,x4    ,,passages ,,from ,,the
 ,,autobiography ,,of ,,the ,,wandering 
,,jew4            ',i have at length    
been ill1 very ill1 once more1 and for  
many  reasons foreign to the weightiest1
 which ,i had forgotten1 ,i had  hoped  
that ,i was going to die4 ,but therein  
,i am as usual deceived  and            
disappointed4 ,that ,i have been out of 
my mind ,i know1 by having  returned to 
the real knowledge of what ,i am4 ,the  
conscious present  has again fallen     

together and made a whole with the past1
 and that  whole is my personal         
identity4    ',how ,i broke loose from  
the bonds of a madness1 which1 after so 
many and heavy years of uninterrupted   
sanity1 had at length laid  hold upon   
me1 ,i will now relate4    ',i had1 as  
,i have said1 been very ill--with some  
sort of fever that  had found fit       
rooting in a brain overwearied1 from not
 having been  originally constructed to 
last so long4 ,whether it came not of an
  indwelling demon1 or a legion of      
demons1 ,i cannot tell--,god knows4     
,surely ,i was as one possessed4 ,i was 
mad1 whether for years1 or but  for     
moments--who can tell8 ,i cannot4       
,verily it seems for many years2  but1  
knowing well the truth concerning the   
relations of time in him  that dreameth 
and waketh from his dream1 ,i place no  
confidence in  the testimony of the     
impressions left upon my seeming memory4
 ,i can  however trust it sufficiently  
as to the character of the illusions    

that then possessed me4 ,i imagined     
myself an ,englishman called  ,polwarth1
 of an ancient ,cornish family4 ,indeed1
 ,i had in my  imagination1 as          
,polwarth1 gone through the history1    
every day of it1  with its sunrise and  
sunset1 of more than half a lifetime4 ,i
 had a  brother who was deformed and a  
dwarf1 and a daughter who was like  him2
 and the only thing1 throughout the     
madness1 that approached a              
consciousness of my real being and      
history1 was the impression that  these 
things had come upon me because of a    
certain grievous wrong ,i  had at one   
time committed1 which wrong1 however1 ,i
 had quite  forgotten--and could ill    
have imagined in its native hideousness4
    ',but one morning1 just as ,i woke1 
after a restless night filled  with     
dreams1 ,i was aware of a half-embodied 
shadow in my mind--  whether thought or 
memory or imagination1 ,i could not     
tell3 and the  strange thing was1 that  
it darkly radiated from it the          

conviction  that ,i must hold and       
identify it1 or be for ever lost to     
myself4  ,therefore1 with all the might 
of my will to retain the shadow1 and    
all the energy of my recollection to    
recall that of which it was the  vague  
shadow1 ,i concentrated the whole power 
of my spiritual man  upon the phantom   
thought1 to fix and retain it4          
',everyone knows what it is to hunt such
 a formless fact4 ,evanescent  as a     
rainbow1 its whole appearance1 from the 
first1 is that of a  thing in the act of
 vanishing4 ,it is a thing that was     
known1 but1  from the moment            
consciousness turned its lantern upon   
it1 began to  become invisible4 ,for a  
time1 during the close pursuit that     
follows1  it seems only to be turning   
corner after corner to evade the mind's 
eye1 but behind every corner it leaves a
 portion of itself2 until at  length1   
although when finally cannot be told1 it
 is gone so utterly  that the mind      
remains aghast in the perplexity of the 

doubt whether  ever there was a thought 
there at all4    ',throughout my        
delusion of an ,english existence1 ,i   
had been  tormented in my wakings with  
such thought-phantoms1 and ever had ,i  
followed them1 as an idle man may follow
 a flitting marsh-fire4  ,indeed1 ,i had
 grown so much interested in the        
phenomenon and its  possible indications
 that ,i had invented various theories  
to account  for them1 some of which     
seemed to myself original and ingenious1
  while the common idea that they are   
vague reminiscences of a former  state  
of being1 ,i had again and again        
examined1 and as often  entirely        
rejected1 as in no way tenable or       
verisimilar4    ',but upon the morning  
to which ,i have referred1 ,i succeeded1
 for  the first time1 in fixing1        
capturing1 identifying the haunting1    
fluttering thing4 ,that moment the bonds
 of my madness were broken4  ,my past   
returned upon me4 ,i had but to think in
 any direction1 and  every occurrence1  

with time and place and all its         
circumstance1 rose  again before me4    
,the awful fact of my own being once    
more stood  bare--awful always--tenfold 
more awful after such a period of       
blissful oblivion thereof3 ,i was1 ,i   
had been1 ,i am now1 as ,i write1  the  
man so mysterious in crime1 so unlike   
all other men in his  punishment1 known 
by various names in various lands--here 
in ,england  as the ,wandering ,jew4    
,ahasuerus was himself again1           
alas6--himself  and no other4 ,wife1    
daughter1 brother vanished1 and returned
 only in  dreams4 ,i was and remain the 
wanderer1 the undying1 the repentant1   
the unforgiven4 ,o heart6 ,o weary feet6
 ,o eyes that have seen and  never more 
shall see1 until they see once and are  
blinded for ever6  ,back upon my soul   
rushes the memory of my deed1 like a    
storm of hail  mingled with fire1       
flashing through every old dry channel1 
that it  throbs and writhes anew1       
scorched at once and torn with the      

poisonous burning4                      
,,chapter ,,xi4    ,,the ,,wandering    
,,jew4            ',it was a fair       
summer-morning in holy ,jerusalem1 and  
,i sat and  wrought at my trade1 for ,i 
sewed a pair of sandals for the feet of 
the high priest ,caiaphas4 ,and ,i      
wrought diligently1 for it behoved  me  
to cease an hour ere set of sun1 for it 
was the day of  preparation for the     
eating of the ,passover4    ',now all   
that night there had been a going to and
 fro in the city1  for the chief priests
 and their followers had at length laid 
hands  upon him that was called ,jesus1 
whom some believed to be the  ,messiah1 
and others1 with my fool-self amongst   
them1 an  arch-impostor and blasphemer4 
,for ,i was of the house of ,caiaphas1  
and heartily did desire that the man my 
lord declared a deceiver of  the people1
 should meet with the just reward of his
 doings4 ,thus ,i  sat and worked1 and  
thought and rejoiced2 and the morning   
passed and  the noon came4    ',it was a

 day of sultry summer1 and the street   
burned beneath the  sun1 and ,i sat in  
the shadow and looked out upon the      
glare2 and ever  ,i wrought at the      
sandals of my lord1 with many fine      
stitches1 in  cunning workmanship4 ,all 
had been for some time very still1 when 
suddenly ,i thought ,i heard a far-off  
tumult4 ,and soon came the idle         
children1 who ever run first that they  
be not swallowed up of the  crowd2 and  
they ran and looked behind as they ran4 
,and after them  came the crowd1 crying 
and shouting1 and swaying hither and    
thither2  and in the midst of it arose  
the one arm of a cross1 beneath the     
weight of which that same ,jesus bent so
 low that ,i saw him not4  ,truly1 said 
,i1 he hath not seldom borne heavier    
burdens in the  workshop of his father  
the ,galilean1 but now his sins and his 
idleness have found him1 and taken from 
him his vigour2 for he that  despiseth  
the law shall perish1 while they that   
wait upon the ,lord  shall renew their  

strength4 ,for ,i was wroth with the man
 who taught  the people to despise the  
great ones that administered the law1   
and  give honour to the small ones who  
only kept it4 ,besides1 he had  driven  
my father's brother from the court of   
the ,gentiles with a  whip1 which truly 
hurt him not outwardly1 but stung him to
 the soul2  and yet that very temple    
which he pretended thus to honour1 he   
had  threatened to destroy and build    
again in three days6 ,such were the     
thoughts of my heart2 and when ,i       
learned from the boys that it was  in   
truth ,jesus of ,nazareth who passed on 
his way to ,calvary to be  crucified1 my
 heart leaped within me at the thought  
that the law had  at length overtaken   
the malefactor4 ,i laid down the sandal 
and my  awl1 and rose and went forth and
 stood in the front of my shop4 ,and    
,jesus drew nigh1 and as he passed1 lo1 
the end of the cross dragged  upon the  
street4 ,and one in the crowd came      
behind1 and lifted it up  and pushed    

therewith1 so that ,jesus staggered and 
had nigh fallen4  ,then would be fain   
have rested the arm of the cross on the 
stone by  which ,i was wont to go up    
into my shop from the street4 ,but ,i   
cried  out1 and drove him thence1 saying
 scornfully1 ,go on ,jesus2 go on4      
,truly thou restest not on stone of     
mine6 ,then turned he his eyes  upon me1
 and said1 ,i go indeed1 but thou goest 
not2 and therewith  he rose again under 
the weight of the cross1 and staggered  
on1    ',and ,i followed in the crowd to
 ,calvary4'    ,here the reader paused  
and said1    ,i can give you but a few  
passages now4 ,you see it is a large    
manuscript4 ,i will therefore choose    
some of those that bear upon the        
subject of which we have been talking4  
,a detailed account of the  crucifixion 
follows here1 which ,i could not bring  
myself to read  aloud4 ,the eclipse is  
in it1 and the earthquake1 and the white
 faces  of the risen dead gleaming      
through the darkness about the cross4   

,it  ends thus3    ',and all the time1  
,i stood not far from the foot of the   
cross1 nor  dared go nearer1 for around 
it were his mother and they that were   
with her1 and my heart was sore for her 
also4 ,and ,i would have  withdrawn my  
foot from the place where ,i stood1 and 
gone home to  weep1 but something1 ,i   
know not what1 held me there as it were 
rooted to the ground4 ,at length the end
 was drawing near4 ,he opened  his mouth
 and spake to his mother and the        
disciple who stood by her1  but truly ,i
 know not what he said1 for as his eyes 
turned from them1  they looked upon me1 
and my heart died within me4 ,he said   
nought1  but his eyes had that in them  
that would have slain me with sorrow1   
had not death1 although ,i knew it not1 
already shrunk from my  presence1 daring
 no more come nigh such a               
malefactor4--,oh ,death1 how  gladly    
would ,i build thee a temple1 set thee  
in a lofty place1 and  worship thee with
 the sacrifice of vultures on a fire of 

dead men's  bones1 wouldst thou but hear
 my cry6--,but ,i rave again in my      
folly6  ,god forgive me4 ,all the days  
of my appointed time will ,i wait until 
my change come4--,with that look--a well
 of everlasting tears in my  throbbing  
brain--my feet were unrooted1 and ,i    
fled4'    ,here the reader paused again1
 and turned over many leaves4    ',and  
ever as ,i passed at night through the  
lands1 when ,i came to a  cross by the  
wayside1 thereon would ,i climb1 and1   
winding my arms  about its arms and my  
feet about its stem1 would there hang in
 the  darkness or the moon1 in rain or  
hail1 in wind or snow or frost1  until  
my sinews gave way1 and my body dropped1
 and ,i knew no more  until ,i found    
myself lying at its foot in the morning4
 ,for1 ever in  such case1 ,i lay       
without sense until again the sun shone 
upon me4    '444 ,and if ever the memory
 of that look passed from me1 then1     
straightway ,i began to long for death1 
and so longed until the  memory and the 

power of the look came again1 and with  
the sorrow in  my soul came the patience
 to live4 ,and truly1 although ,i speak 
of  forgetting and remembering1 such    
motions of my spirit in me were not  as 
those of another man2 in me they are not
 measured by the scale of  men's lives2 
they are not of years1 but of centuries2
 for the  seconds of my life are ticked 
by a clock whose pendulum swings        
through an arc of motionless stars4     
'444 ,once ,i had a vision of ,death4   
,methinks it must have been a           
precursive vapour of the madness that   
afterwards infolded me1 for ,i  know    
well that there is not one called       
,death1 that he is but a word  needful  
to the weakness of human thought and the
 poverty of human  speech2 that he is a 
no-being1 and but a change from that    
which  is4--,i had a vision of ,death1  
,i say4 ,and it was on this wise3    ',i
 was walking over a wide plain of sand1 
like ,egypt1 so that ever  and anon ,i  
looked around me to see if nowhere1 from

 the base of the  horizon1 the pyramids 
cut their triangle out of the blue night
 of  heaven2 but ,i saw none4 ,the stars
 came down and sparkled on the dry      
sands1 and all was waste1 and wide      
desolation4 ,the air also was  still as 
the air of a walled-up tomb1 where there
 are but dry bones1  and not even the   
wind of an evil vapour that rises from  
decay4 ,and  through the dead air came  
ever the low moaning of a distant sea1  
towards which my feet did bear me4 ,i   
had been journeying thus for  years1 and
 in their lapse it had grown but a      
little louder4--,suddenly  ,i was aware 
that ,i was not alone4 ,a dim figure    
strode beside me1  vague1 but certain of
 presence4 ,and ,i feared him not1      
seeing that  which men fear the most was
 itself that which by me was the most   
desired4 ,so ,i stood and turned and    
would have spoken4 ,but the shade  that 
seemed not a shadow1 went on and        
regarded me not4 ,then ,i also  turned  
again towards the moaning of the sea and

 went on4 ,and lo6  the shade which had 
gone before until it seemed but as a    
vapour  among the stars1 was again by my
 side walking4 ,and ,i said1 and stood  
not1 but walked on3 ,thou shade that art
 not a shadow1 seeing there  shineth no 
sun or moon1 and the stars are many1 and
 the one slayeth  the shadow of the     
other1 what art thou1 and wherefore     
goest thou by  my side8 ,think not to   
make me afraid1 for ,i fear nothing in  
the  universe but that which ,i love the
 best4--,i spake of the eyes of the     
,lord ,jesus4--,then the shade that     
seemed no shadow answered me and  spake 
and said3 ,little knowest thou what ,i  
am1 seeing the very thing  thou sayest  
,i am not1 that ,i am1 and nought else1 
and there is no  other but me4 ,i am    
,shadow1 the shadow1 the only           
shadow--none such as  those from which  
the light hideth in terror1 yet like    
them1 for life  hideth from me and      
turneth away1 yet if life were not1     
neither were  ,i1 for ,i am nothing2 and

 yet again1 as soon as anything is1     
there am  ,i1 and needed no maker1 but  
came of myself1 for ,i am ,death4--,ha6 
,death6 ,i cried1 and would have cast   
myself before him with outstretched     
arms of worshipful entreaty2 but lo1    
there was a shadow upon the belt  of    
,orion1 and no shadow by my side6 and ,i
 sighed1 and walked on towards  the ever
 moaning sea4 ,then again the shadow was
 by my side4 ,and again  ,i spake and   
said3 ,thou thing of flitting and       
return1 ,i despise thee1  for thou wilt 
not abide the conflict4 ,and ,i would   
have cast myself upon  him and wrestled 
with him there1 for defeat and not for  
victory4 ,but ,i  could not lay hold    
upon him4 ,thou art a powerless nothing1
 ,i cried2 ,i  will not even defy       
thee4--,thou wouldst provoke me1 said   
the shadow2 but  it availeth not4 ,i    
cannot be provoked4 ,truly1 ,i am but a 
shadow1 yet  know ,i my own worth1 for  
,i am the ,shadow of the ,almighty1 and 
where  he is1 there am ,i--,thou art    

nothing1 ,i said4--,nay1 nay1 ,i am not 
,nothing4 ,thou1 nor any man--,god only 
knoweth what that word  meaneth4 ,i am  
but the shadow of ,nothing1 and when    
,,thou sayest  ,,nothing1 thou meanest  
only me2 but what ,god meaneth when he  
sayeth  ,,nothing--the nothing without  
him1 that nothing which is no shadow    
but the very substance of ,unbeing--no  
created soul can know4--,then  art thou 
not ,death8 ,i asked4--,i am what thou  
thinkest of when thou  sayest ,death1 he
 answered1 but ,i am not ,death4--,alas1
 then6 why  comest thou to me in the    
desert places1 for ,i did think thou    
wast  ,death indeed1 and couldst take me
 unto thee so that ,i should be no      
more4--,that is what death cannot do for
 thee1 said the shadow2 none  but he    
that created thee can cause that thou   
shouldst be no more4  ,thou art until he
 will that thou be not4 ,i have heard it
 said  amongst the wise that1 hard as it
 is to create1 it is harder still  to   
uncreate4 ,truly ,i cannot tell4 ,but   

wouldst thou be uncreated by  the hand  
of ,death8 ,wouldst thou have thy       
no-being the gift of a  shadow8--,then  
,i thought of the eyes of the ,lord     
,jesus1 and the look  he cast upon me1  
and ,i said1 ,no3 ,i would not be       
carried away of  ,death4 ,i would be    
fulfilled of ,life1 and stand before    
,god for ever4  ,then once again the    
belt of ,orion grew dim1 and ,i saw the 
shadow no  more4 ,and yet did ,i long   
for ,death1 for ,i thought he might     
bring me  to those eyes1 and the pardon 
that lay in them4    ',but again1 as the
 years went on1 and each brought less   
hope than  that before it1 ,i forgot the
 look the ,lord had cast upon me1 and in
  the weariness of the life that was    
mortal and yet would not cease1  in the 
longing after the natural end of that   
which against nature  endured1 ,i began 
to long even for the end of being       
itself4 ,and in a  city of the ,germans1
 ,i found certain men of my own nation  
who said  unto me3 ,fear not1           

,ahasuerus2 there is no life beyond the 
grave4  ,live on until thy end come1 and
 cease thy complaints4 ,who is there    
among us who would not gladly take upon 
him thy judgment1 and live  until he was
 weary of living8--,yea1 but to live    
after thou art  weary8 ,i said4 ,but    
they heeded me not1 answering me and    
saying3  ,search thou the ,scriptures1  
even the ,book of the ,law1 and see if  
thou find there one leaf of this gourd  
of a faith that hath sprung  up in a    
night4 ,verily1 this immortality is but 
a flash in the brain  of men that would 
rise above their fate4 ,sayeth ,moses1  
or sayeth  ,job1 or sayeth ,david or    
,daniel a word of the matter8 ,and ,i   
listened  unto them1 and became of their
 mind4 ,but therewithal the longing     
after death returned with tenfold force 
and ,i rose up and girt my  garment     
about me1 and went forth once more to   
search for him whom ,i  now took for the
 porter of the gate of eternal silence  
and unfelt  repose4 ,and ,i said unto   

myself as ,i walked3 ,what in the old   
days was  sweeter when ,i was weary with
 my labour at making of shoes1 than to  
find myself dropping into the death of  
sleep6 how much sweeter then  must it   
not be to sink into the sleepiest of    
sleeps1 the  father-sleep1 the          
mother-bosomed death of nothingness and 
unawaking  rest6 ,then shall all this   
endless whir of the wheels of thought   
and  desire be over2 then welcome the   
night whose darkness doth not  seethe1  
and which no morning shall ever stir6   
',and wherever armies were drawing nigh1
 each to the other1 and the  day of     
battle was near1 thither ,i flew in hot 
haste1 that ,i might be  first upon the 
field1 and ready to welcome hottest     
peril4 ,i fought  not1 for ,i would not 
slay those that counted it not the good 
thing  to be slain1 as ,i counted it4   
,but had the armies been of men that    
loved death like me1 how had ,i raged   
among them then1 even as the  angel     
,azrael to give them their sore-desired 

rest6 for ,i loved and  hated not my    
kind1 and would diligently have mown    
them down out of  the stinging air of   
life into the soft balm of the          
sepulchre4 ,but  what they sought not1  
and ,i therefore would not give1 that   
searched  ,i after the more eagerly for 
myself4 ,and my sight grew so keen that1
  when yet no bigger than a mote in the 
sunbeam1 ,i could always descry  the    
vulture-scout1 hanging aloft over the   
field of destiny4 ,then  would ,i hasten
 on and on1 until a swoop would have    
brought him  straight on my head4       
',and with that a troop of horsemen1    
horses and men mad with living  fear1   
came with a level rush towards the spot 
where ,i sat1 faint  with woe4 ,and ,i  
sprang up1 and bounded to meet them1    
throwing my  arms aloft and shouting1 as
 one who would turn a herd4 ,and like a 
wave of the rising tide before a swift  
wind1 a wave that sweeps on  and breaks 
not1 they came hard-buffeting over my   
head4 ,ah6 that was  a torrent          

indeed6--a thunderous succession of     
solid billows1 alive1  hurled along by  
the hurricane-fear in the heart of them6
 ,for one  moment only ,i felt and knew 
what ,i lay beneath1 and then for a time
  there was nothing4--,i woke in        
silence1 and thought ,i was dying1 that 
,i had all but passed across the        
invisible line between1 and in a  moment
 there would be for evermore nothing and
 nothing4 ,then  followed again an empty
 space as it seemed4 ,and now ,i am dead
 and  gone1 ,i said1 and shall wander no
 more4 ,and with that came the agony  of
 hell1 for1 lo1 still ,i ,,thought6 ,and
 ,i said to myself1 ,alas6 ,o  ,god6    
for1 notwithstanding ,i no more see or  
hear or taste or smell or  touch1 and my
 body hath dropped from me1 still am ,i 
,ahasuerus1 the  ,wanderer1 and must go 
on and on and on1 blind and deaf1       
through the  unutterable wastes that    
know not the senses of man--nevermore to
  find rest6 ,alas6 death is not death1 
seeing he slayeth but the  leathern     

bottle1 and spilleth not the wine of    
life upon the earth4  ,alas6 alas6 for  
,i cannot die6 ,and with that a finger  
twitched1 and ,i  shouted aloud for joy3
 ,i was yet in the body6 ,and ,i sprang 
to my  feet jubilant1 and1 lame and     
bruised and broken-armed1 tottered away 
after ,death1 who yet might hold the    
secret of eternal repose4 ,i was  alive1
 but yet there was hope1 for ,death was 
yet before me6 ,i was  alive1 but ,i had
 not died1 and who could tell but ,i    
might yet find  the lovely night that   
hath neither clouds nor stars6 ,i had   
not  passed into the land of the dead   
and found myself yet living6 ,the  wise 
men of my nation in the city of the     
,almains might yet be wise6  ,and for an
 hour ,i rejoiced1 and was glad         
greatly4'              ,,chapter ,,xii4 
,,the ,,wandering ,,jew4            ,it 
was midnight1 and sultry as hell4 ,all  
day not a breath had  stirred4 ,the     
country through which ,i passed was     
level as the sea  that had once flowed  

above it4 ,my heart had almost ceased to
 beat1  and ,i was weary as the man who 
is too weary to sleep outright1 and     
labours in his dreams4 ,i slumbered and 
yet walked on4 ,my blood  flowed scarce 
faster than the sluggish water in the   
many canals ,i  crossed on my weary way4
 ,and ever ,i thought to meet the shadow
 that  was and was not death4 ,but this 
was no dream4 ,just on the stroke of    
midnight1 ,i came to the gate of a large
 city1 and the watchers let  me pass4   
,through many an ancient and lofty      
street ,i wandered1 like a  ghost in a  
dream1 knowing no one1 and caring not   
for myself1 and at  length reached an   
open space where stood a great church1  
the cross  upon whose spire seemed      
bejewelled with the stars upon which it 
dwelt4 ,and in my soul ,i said1 ,o ,lord
 ,jesus6 and went up to the base  of the
 tower1 and found the door thereof open 
to my hand4 ,then with  my staff ,i     
ascended the winding stairs1 until ,i   
reached the open  sky4 ,and the stairs  

went still winding1 on and on1 up       
towards the  stars4 ,and with my staff  
,i ascended1 and arose into the sky1    
until ,i  stood at the foot of the cross
 of stone4    ',ay me6 how the centuries
 without haste1 without rest1 had glided
  along since ,i stood by the cross of  
dishonour and pain6 ,and ,god had  not  
grown weary of his life yet1 but ,i had 
grown so weary in my very  bones that   
weariness was my element1 and ,i had    
ceased almost to note  it4 ,and now1    
high-uplifted in honour and worship over
 every populous  city1 stood the cross  
among the stars6 ,i scrambled up the    
pinnacles1  and up on the carven stem of
 the cross1 for my sinews were as steel1
  and my muscles had dried and hardened 
until they were as those of  the tiger  
or the great serpent4 ,so ,i climbed1   
and lifted up myself  until ,i reached  
the great arms of the cross1 and over   
them ,i flung  my arms1 as was my wont1 
and entwined the stem with my legs1 and 
there hung1 three hundred feet above the

 roofs of the houses4 ,and as  ,i hung  
the moon rose and cast the shadow of me 
,ahasuerus upon the  cross1 up against  
the ,pleiades4 ,and as if dull ,nature  
were offended  thereat1 nor understood  
the offering of my poor sacrifice1 the  
clouds began to gather1 like the        
vultures--no one could have told        
whence4 ,from all sides around they     
rose1 and the moon was blotted  out1 and
 they gathered and rose until they met  
right over the cross4  ,and when they   
closed1 then the lightning brake forth1 
and the  thunder with it1 and it flashed
 and thundered above and around and     
beneath me1 so that ,i could not tell   
which voice belonged to which  arrow1   
for all were mingled in one great       
confusion and uproar4 ,and  the people  
in the houses below heard the sound of  
the thunder1 and  they looked from their
 windows1 and they saw the storm raving 
and  flashing about the spire1 which    
stood the heart of the agony1 and  they 
saw something hang there1 even upon its 

cross1 in the form of a  man1 and they  
came from their houses1 and the whole   
space beneath  was filled with people1  
who stood gazing up at the marvel4 ,a   
,,miracle6 ,a ,,miracle6 they cried2 and
 truly it was no miracle--it was  only  
me ,ahasuerus1 the wanderer taking      
thought concerning his crime  against   
the crucified4 ,then came a great light 
all about me1 such  light for shining as
 ,i had never before beheld1 and indeed 
,i saw it  not all with my eyes1 but the
 greater part with my soul1 which       
surely is the light of the eyes         
themselves4 ,and ,i said to myself1     
,doubtless the ,lord is at hand1 and he 
cometh to me as late to the  blessed    
,saul of ,tarsus1 who was ,,not the     
chief of sinners1 but  ,i--,ahasuerus1  
the accursed4 ,and the thunder burst    
like the bursting  of a world in the    
furnace of the sun2 and whether it was  
that the  lightning struck me1 or that  
,i dropped1 as was my custom1 outwearied
  from the cross1 ,i know not1 but      

thereafter ,i lay at its foot among  the
 pinnacles1 and when the people looked  
again1 the miracle was  over1 and they  
returned to their houses and slept4 ,and
 the next day1  when ,i sought the      
comfort of the bath1 ,i found upon my   
side the  figure of a cross1 and the    
form of a man hanging thereupon as ,i   
had  hung1 depainted in a dark colour as
 of lead plain upon the flesh of  my    
side over my heart4 ,here was a miracle 
indeed6 but verily ,i knew  not whether 
therefrom to gather comfort or despair4 
',and it was night as ,i went into a    
village among the mountains1  through   
the desert places of which ,i had all   
that day been  wandering4 ,and never    
before had my condition seemed to me so 
hopeless4 ,there was not one left upon  
the earth who had ever seen me  knowing 
me1 and although there went a tale of   
such a man as ,i1 yet  faith had so far 
vanished from the earth that for a thing
 to be  marvellous1 however just1 was   
sufficient reason wherefore no man1 to  

be counted wise1 should believe the     
same4 ,for the last fifty years ,i  had 
found not one that would receive my     
testimony4 ,for when ,i told  them the  
truth concerning myself1 saying as ,i   
now say1 and knowing  the thing for     
true--that ,i was ,ahasuerus whom the   
,word had banished  from his home in the
 regions governed of ,death1 shutting   
against him  the door of the tomb that  
he should not go in1 every man said ,i  
was  mad1 and would hold with me no     
manner of communication1 more than if   
,i had been possessed with a legion of  
swine-loving demons4 ,therefore  was ,i 
cold at heart1 and lonely to the very   
root of my being4 ,and  thus it was with
 me that midnight as ,i entered the     
village among the  mountains4--,now all 
therein slept1 so even that not a dog   
barked at  the sound of my footsteps4   
,but suddenly1 and my soul yet quivers  
with dismay at the remembrance1 a yell  
of horror tore its way from  the throat 
of every sleeper at once1 and shot into 

every cranny of  the many-folded        
mountains1 that my soul knocked shaking 
against the  sides of my body1 and ,i   
also shrieked aloud with the keen terror
 of  the cry4 ,for surely there was no  
sleeper there1 man1 woman1 or  child1   
who yelled not aloud in an agony of     
fear4 ,and ,i knew that it  could only  
be because of the unseen presence in    
their street of the  outcast1 the       
homeless1 the loveless1 the wanderer for
 ever1 who had  refused a stone to his  
maker whereon to rest his cross4 ,truly 
,i know  not whence else could have come
 that cry4 ,and ,i looked to see that   
all the inhabitants of the village      
should rush out upon me1 and go  for to 
slay the unslayable in their agony4 ,but
 the cry passed1 and  after the cry came
 again the stillness4 ,and for very     
dread lest yet  another such cry should 
enter my ears1 and turn my heart to a   
jelly1  ,i did hasten my steps to leave 
the dwellings of the children of the    
world1 and pass out upon the pathless   

hills again4 ,but as ,i turned  and     
would have departed1 the door of a house
 opened over against  where ,i stood2   
and as it opened1 lo6 a sharp gust of   
wind from the  mountains swept along the
 street1 and out into the wind came     
running  a girl1 clothed only in the    
garment of the night4 ,and the wind blew
  upon her1 and by the light of the moon
 ,i saw that her hands and her  feet    
were rough and brown1 as of one that    
knew labour and hardship1  but yet her  
body was dainty and fair1 and moulded in
 loveliness4 ,her  hair blew around her 
like a rain cloud1 so that it almost    
blinded  her1 and truly she had much ado
 to clear it from her face1 as a        
half-drowned man would clear from his   
face the waters whence he  hath been    
lifted2 and like two stars of light from
 amidst the cloud  gazed forth the eyes 
of the girl4 ,and she looked upon me    
with the  courage of a child1 and she   
said unto me1 ,stranger1 knowest thou   
wherefore was that cry8 ,was it thou who

 did so cry in our street in  the night8
 ,and ,i answered her and said1 ,verily 
not ,i1 maiden1 but ,i  too heard the   
cry1 and it shook my soul within        
me4--,what seemed it  unto thee like1   
she asked1 for truly ,i slept1 and know 
only the  terror thereof and not the    
sound8 ,and ,i said1 ,it seemed unto me 
that  every soul in the village cried   
out at once in some dream of            
horror4--,i cried not out1 she said2 for
 ,i slept and dreamed1 and my  dream was
 such that ,i know verily ,i cried not  
out4 ,and the maiden  was lovely in her 
innocence4 ,and ,i said3 ,and was thy   
dream such1  maiden1 that thou wouldst  
not refuse but wouldst tell it to an old
  man like me8 ,and with that the wind  
came down from the mountain like  a     
torrent of wolves1 and it laid hold upon
 me and swept me from the  village1 and 
,i fled before it1 and could not stay my
 steps until ,i  got me into the covert 
of a hollow rock4    ',and scarce had ,i
 turned in thither when1 lo6 thither    

came the maiden  also1 flying in my     
footsteps1 and driven of the self-same  
mighty  wind4 ,and ,i turned in pity and
 said1 ,fear not1 my child4 ,here is but
  an old man with a sore and withered   
heart1 and he will not harm  thee4--,i  
fear thee not1 she answered1 else would 
,i not have  followed thee4--,thou didst
 not follow me of thine own inclining1  
,i  said1 but the wind that came from   
the mountains and swept me before  it1  
did bear thee after me4--,truly ,i know 
of no wind1 she said1 but  the wind of  
my own following of thee4 ,wherefore    
didst thou flee from  me8--,nay6 but    
wherefore didst thou follow me1         
maiden8--,that ,i might  tell thee my   
dream to the which thou didst desire to 
hearken4 ,for1  lo6 as ,i slept ,i      
dreamed that a man came unto me and     
said1 ,behold1 ,i  am the unresting and 
undying one1 and my burden is greater   
than ,i  can bear1 for ,death who       
befriendeth all is my enemy1 and will   
not  look upon me in peace4 ,and with   

that came the cry1 and ,i awoke1 and    
ran out to see whence came the cry1 and 
found thee alone in the  street4 ,and as
 ,god liveth1 such as was the man in my 
dream1 such art  thou in my waking      
sight4--,not the less must ,i ask thee  
again1 ,i  said1 wherefore didst thou   
follow me8--,that ,i may comfort thee1  
she  answered4--,and how thinkest thou  
to comfort one whom ,god hath           
forsaken8--,that cannot be1 she said1   
seeing that in a vision of the  night he
 sent thee unto me1 and so now hath sent
 me unto thee4  ,therefore will ,i go   
with thee1 and minister unto            
thee4--,bethink thee  well what thou    
doest1 ,i said2 and before thou art     
fully resolved1  sit thee down by me in 
this cave1 that ,i may tell thee my     
tale4 ,and  straightway she sat down1   
and ,i told her all4 ,and ere ,i had    
finished  the sun had risen4--,then art 
thou now alone1 said the maiden1 and    
hast no one to love thee8--,no one1 ,i  
answered1 man1 woman1 or  child4--,then 

will ,i go with thee1 for ,i know       
neither father nor  mother1 and no one  
hath power over me1 for ,i keep goats on
 the  mountains for wages1 and if thou  
wilt but give me bread to eat ,i  will  
serve thee4 ,and a great love arose in  
my heart to the maiden4  ,and ,i left   
her in the cave1 and went to the nearest
 city1 and  returned thence with        
garments and victuals4 ,and ,i loved the
 maiden  greatly4 ,and although my age  
was then marvellous being over and      
above a thousand and seven hundred      
years1 yet found she my person  neither 
pitiful nor uncomely1 for ,i was still  
in body even such as  when the ,lord    
,jesus spake the word of my doom4 ,and  
the damsel loved  me1 and was mine4 ,and
 she was as the apple of mine eye4 ,and 
the  world was no more unto me as a     
desert1 but it blossomed as the rose  of
 ,sharon4 ,and although ,i knew every   
city upon it1 and every highway  and    
navigable sea1 yet did all become to me 
fresh and new because of  the joy which 

the damsel had in beholding its kingdoms
 and the  glories thereof4    ',and it  
came to pass that my heart grew proud   
within me1 and ,i said  to myself that  
,i was all-superior to other men1 for   
,death could not  touch me2 that ,i was 
a marvel upon the face of the world2 and
 in  this yet more above all men that   
had ever lived1 that at such an age  as 
mine ,i could yet gain the love1 yea1   
the absolute devotion1 of  such an one  
as my wife1 who never wearied of my     
company and  conversation4 ,so ,i took  
to me even the free grace of love as my 
merit unto pride1 and laid it not to the
 great gift of ,god and the  tenderness 
of the heart of my beloved4 ,like ,satan
 in ,heaven ,i was  uplifted in the     
strength and worthiness and honour of my
 demon-self1  and my pride went not     
forth in thanks1 for ,i gloried not in  
my ,god1  but in ,ahasuerus4 ,then the  
thought smote me like an arrow of       
lightning3 ,she will die1 and thou shalt
 live--live--live--and as he  hath      

delayed1 so will he yet delay his       
coming4 ,and as ,satan from the  seventh
 heaven1 ,i fell prone4    ',then my    
spirit began again to revive within me1 
and ,i said1 ,lo6 ,i  have yet many     
years of her love ere she dieth1 and    
when she is gone1  ,i shall yet have the
 memory of my beloved to be with me1 and
 cheer  me1 and bear me up1 for ,i may  
never again despise that which she  hath
 loved as she hath loved me4 ,and yet   
again a thought smote me1  and it was as
 an arrow of the lightning1 and its barb
 was the truth3  ,but she will grow old1
 it said1 and will wither before thy    
face1 and  be as the waning moon in the 
heavens4 ,and my heart cried out in an  
agony4 ,but my will sought to comfort my
 heart1 and said1 ,cry not  out1 for1 in
 spite of old age as in spite of death1 
,i will love her  still4 ,then something
 began to writhe within me1 and to hiss 
out  words that gathered themselves unto
 this purpose3 ,but she will grow       
unlovely1 and wrinkled1 and dark of hue1

 and the shape of her body  will vanish1
 and her form be unformed1 and her eyes 
will grow small  and dim1 and creep back
 into her head1 and her hair will fall  
from  her1 and she shall be as the      
unsightly figure of ,death with a skin  
drawn over his unseemly bones2 and the  
damsel of thy love1 with the  round     
limbs and the flying hair1 and the clear
 eyes out of which  looketh a soul clear
 as they1 will be nowhere--nowhere1 for 
evermore1 for thou wilt not be able to  
believe that she it is who  standeth    
before thee3 how will it be with thee   
then8 ,and what mercy  is his who hath  
sent thee a growing loss in the company 
of this  woman8 ,thereupon ,i rose in   
the strength of my agony and went forth4
  ,and ,i said nothing unto my wife1 but
 strode to the foot of the great        
mountain1 whose entrails were all aglow1
 and on whose sides grew the  palm and  
the tree-bread and the nut of milk4 ,and
 ,i climbed the  mountain1 nor once     
looked behind me1 but climbed to the    

top4 ,and  there for one moment ,i stood
 in the stock-dullness of despair4 ,and 
beneath me was the great fiery gulf1    
outstretched like a red lake  skinned   
over with black ice1 through the cracks 
wherein shone the  blinding fire4 ,every
 moment here and there a great liquid   
bubbling  would break through the crust1
 and make a wallowing heap upon the     
flat1 then sink again1 leaving an open  
red well-pool of fire whence  the rays  
shot up like flame1 although flame there
 was none4 ,it lay  like the back of    
some huge animal upheaved out of hell1  
which was  wounded and bled fire4--,now1
 in the last year of my long sojourn1   
life had again1 because of the woman    
that loved me1 become precious  unto me1
 and more than once had ,i laughed as ,i
 caught myself  starting back from some 
danger in a crowded street1 for the     
thing  was new to me1 so utterly had the
 care of my life fallen into disuse     
with me4 ,but now again in my misery ,i 
thought no more of danger1 but  went    

stalking and sliding down the sindery   
slope of the huge  fire-cup1 and out    
upon the lake of molten earth--molten as
 when  first it shot from the womb of   
the sun1 of whose ardour1 through all   
the millions of years1 it had not yet   
cooled4 ,and as once ,st4 ,peter  on the
 stormy water to find the ,lord of      
,life1 so walked ,i on the  still lake  
of fire1 caring neither for life nor    
death4 ,for my heart  was withered to   
the roots by the thought of the decay of
 her whom ,i  had loved2 for would not  
then her very presence every hour be    
causing me to forget the beauty that had
 once made me glad8--,i had  walked some
 ten furlongs1 and passed the middle of 
the lake1 when  suddenly ,i bethought me
 that she would marvel whither ,i had   
gone1  and set out to seek me1 and      
something might befall her1 and ,i      
should  lose my rose ere its leaves had 
begun to drop4 ,and ,i turned and       
strode again in haste across the floor  
of black heat1 broken and  seamed with  

red light4 ,and lo6 as ,i neared the    
midst of the lake1 a  form came towards 
me1 walking in the very footsteps ,i had
 left  behind me1 nor had ,i to look    
again to know the gracious motion of my 
beloved4 ,and the black ice broke at her
 foot1 and the fire shone up  on her    
face1 and it was lovely as an angel of  
,god1 and the glow of  her love outshone
 the glow of the nether fire4 ,and ,i   
called not to  stay her foot1 for ,i    
judged that the sooner she was with me1 
the  sooner would she be in safety1 for 
,i knew how to walk thereon better  than
 she4 ,and my heart sang a song within  
me in praise of the love  of woman1 but 
,i thought only of the love of my woman 
to me1 whom the  fires of hell could not
 hold back from him who was worthy of   
her  love2 and my heart sent the song up
 to my lips2 but1 as the first  word    
arose1 sure itself a red bubble from the
 pit of glowing hell1  the black crust  
burst up between us1 and a great hillock
 of  seething1 slow-spouting1           

slow-falling1 mad red fire arose4 ,for a
  moment or two the molten mound bubbled
 and wallowed1 then sank--and  ,i saw   
not my wife4 ,headlong ,i plunged into  
the fiery pool at my  feet1 and the     
clinging torture hurt me not1 and ,i    
caught her in my  arms1 and rose to the 
surface1 and crept forth1 and shook the 
fire  from mine eyes1 and lo6 ,i held to
 my bosom but as the fragment of a      
cinder of the furnace4 ,and ,i laughed  
aloud in my madness1 and the  devils    
below heard me1 and laughed yet again4  
,o ,age6 ,o ,decay6 ,i  cried1 see how  
,i triumph over thee3 what canst thou do
 to this8 ,and  ,i flung the cinder from
 me into the pool1 and plunged again    
into the  grinning fire4 ,but it cast me
 out seven times1 and the seventh time  
,i turned from it1 and rushed out of the
 valley of burning1 and threw  myself on
 the mountain-side in the moonlight1 and
 awoke mad4    ',and what ,i had then   
said in despair1 ,i said yet again in   
thankfulness4 ,o ,age6 ,o ,decay6 ,i    

cried1 what canst thou now do to        
destroy the image of her which ,i bear  
nested in my heart of hearts8  ,that at 
least is safe1 ,i thank ,god4 ,and from 
that hour ,i never more  believed that  
,i should die when at length my body    
dropped from me4  ,if the thought came1 
it came as a fear1 and not as a thing   
concerning which a man may say ,i would 
or ,i would not4 ,for a mighty  hope had
 arisen within me that yet ,i should    
stand forgiven in the  eyes of him that 
was crucified1 and that in token of his 
forgiveness  he would grant me to look  
again1 but in peace1 upon the face of   
her  that had loved me4 ,o mighty ,love1
 who can tell to what heights of        
perfection thou mayest yet rise in the  
bosom of the meanest who  followeth the 
,crucified6'              ,,chapter     
,,xiii4    ,,remarks4                   
,polwarth closed the manuscript1 and for
 a time no one spoke4    ,the man who   
wrote that book1 said ,wingfold1 could  
not have been  all out of his right     

mind4    ,i must confess to you1        
returned ,polwarth1 that ,i have chosen 
some  of the more striking              
passages--only some of them however4    
,one thing  is pretty clear--that1      
granted the imagined conditions1 within 
that  circle the writer is sane         
enough--as sane at least as the         
,wandering  ,jew himself could well have
 been4    ,could you trust me with the  
manuscript1 ,mr4 ,polwarth8 said the    
curate4    ,willingly1 said ,polwarth1  
handing it to him4    ,and ,i may carry 
it home with me8    ,certainly4    ,i   
shall take right good care of it4 ,are  
there any further memorials  of struggle
 with unbelief8    ,yes1 there are some2
 for mood and not conviction must1 in   
such a  mind1 often rule the hour4      
,sometimes he can believe2 sometimes he 
cannot3 he is a great man indeed who can
 always rise above his own  moods6      
,there is one passage ,i specially      
remember in which after his  own fashion
 he treats of the existence of a ,god4  

,you will know the  one ,i mean when you
 come to it4    ,it is indeed a         
treasure6 said the curate1 taking the   
book and  regarding it with prizing     
eyes4 ,in his heart he was thinking of  
,leopold and ,helen4 ,and while he thus 
regarded the book1 he was  himself      
regarded of the gray luminous eyes of   
,rachel4 ,what shone  from those eyes   
may have been her delight at hearing him
 so speak of  the book1 for the hand    
that wrote it was that of her father2   
but  there was a lingering in her gaze1 
not unmixed with questioning1 and  a    
certain indescribable liquidity in its  
light1 reminding one of the  stars as   
seen through a clear air from which the 
dew settles thick1  that might have made
 a mother anxious4 ,alas for many a     
woman whose  outward form is            
ungainly--she has a full round heart    
under the  twisted ribs6    ,why then   
should ,i say alas8 ,were it better that
 the heart were like  the shape8 or are 
such as ,rachel forgotten before the    

,god of the  sparrows8 ,no1 surely2 but 
he who most distinctly believes that    
from  before the face of ,god every     
sorrow shall vanish1 that they that sow 
in tears shall reap in joy1 that death  
is but a mist that for a  season swathes
 the spirit1 and that1 ever as the      
self-seeking  vanishes from love1 it    
groweth more full of delight--even he   
who  with all his heart believes this1  
may be mournful over the aching of      
another heart while yet it lasts2 and he
 who looks for his own death  as his    
resurrection1 may yet be sorrowful at   
every pale sunset that  reminds him of  
the departure of the beloved before him4
    ,the curate rose and took his       
departure1 but the light of the gaze    
that had rested upon him lingered yet on
 the countenance of ,rachel1  and a sad 
half-smile hung over the motions of the 
baby-like fingers  that knitted so      
busily4    ,the draper followed the     
curate1 and ,polwarth went up to his own
  room3 he never could keep off his     

knees for long together4 ,and as  soon  
as she was alone1 ,rachel's hands       
dropped on her lap1 her eyes  closed1   
and her lips moved with solemn sweet    
motions4 ,if there was a  hearing ear   
open to that little house1 oh surely    
those two were  blessed6 ,if not1 then  
kind death was yet for a certainty      
drawing  nigh--only1 what if in deep    
hell there should be yet a deeper hell8 
,and until slow ,death arrive1 what     
loving heart can bear the load  that    
stupid ,chance or still more stupid     
,fate has heaped upon it8 ,yet  had ,i  
rather be crushed beneath the weight of 
mine1 and die with my  friends in the   
moaning of eternal farewells1 than live 
like ,george  ,bascombe to carry lightly
 his little bag of content4 ,a cursed   
confusion indeed is the universe1 if it 
be no creation1 but the  helpless       
unhelpable thing such men would have us 
believe it--the  hotbed mother of the   
children of an iron ,necessity4 ,can any
  damnation be worse than this damning  

into an existence from which  there is  
no refuge but a doubtful death8    ,drew
 overtook ,wingfold1 and they walked    
together into ,glaston4    ,wasn't that 
splendid8 said the draper4    ,hath not 
,god chosen the weak things of the world
 to confound the  mighty8 returned the  
curate4 ,even through the play of a     
mad-man's  imagination1 the spirit of a 
sound mind may speak4 ,did you not find 
in it some stuff that would shape into  
answers to your questions8    ,i ought  
to have done so1 ,i dare say1 answered  
the draper1 but to  tell the truth1 ,i  
was so taken up with the wild story1 and
 the style  of the thing1 and the little
 man's way of reading it1 that ,i never 
thought of what ,i was full of when ,i  
came4    ,they parted at the shop1 and  
the curate went on4                     
,,chapter ,,xiv4    ,,struggles4        
,he stopped at the ,manor ,house1 for it
 was only beginning to be late1  to     
inquire after ,leopold4 ,helen received 
him with her usual  coldness--a manner  

which was in part assumed for           
self-protection1  for in his presence   
she always felt rebuked1 and which had  
the  effect of a veil between them to   
hide from her much of the curate's      
character that might otherwise have been
 intelligible to her4  ,leopold1 she    
said1 was a little better1 but ,wingfold
 walked home  thinking what a happy     
thing it would be if ,god were to take  
him  away4    ,his interest in ,helen   
deepened and deepened4 ,he could not    
help  admiring her strength of character
 even when he saw it spent for  worse   
than nought2 and her devotion to her    
brother was lovely1  notwithstanding the
 stains of selfishness that spotted it4 
,her moral  standard was indeed far from
 lofty1 and as to her spiritual nature1 
that as yet appeared nowhere4 ,and yet  
the growth in her was  marvellous when  
he thought of what she had seemed before
 this  trouble came4 ,one evening as he 
left ,leopold1 he heard her singing1    
and stood on the stair to listen4 ,and  

to listen was to marvel4 ,for  her      
voice1 instead of being hard and dry1 as
 when he heard it  before1 was1 without 
any loss of elasticity1 now liquid and  
mellifluous1 and full of feeling4 ,its  
tones were borne along like  the leaves 
on the wild west wind of ,shelley's     
sonnet4 ,and the  longing of the curate 
to help her from that moment took a     
fresh  departure1 and grew and grew4    
,but as the hours and days and weeks    
passed1 and the longing found no outlet1
 it turned to an almost  hopeless       
brooding upon the face and the form1 yea
 the heart and soul  of the woman he so 
fain would help1 until ere long he loved
 her with  the passion of a man mingled 
with the compassion of a prophet4 ,he   
saw that something had to be done ,,in  
her--perhaps that some saving  shock in 
the guise of ruin had to visit her2 that
 some door had to  be burst open1 some  
roof blown away1 some rock blasted1 that
 light  and air might have free course  
through her soul's house1 without  which

 that soul could never grow stately like
 the house it  inhabited4 ,whatever     
might be destined to effect this1 for   
the chance  of rendering poorest and    
most servile aid1 he would watch and did
  watch1 in silence and self-restraint1 
lest he should be betrayed  into any    
presumptuous word that might breathe    
frost instead of balm  upon the buds of 
her delaying ,spring4 ,if he might but  
be allowed to  minister when at length  
the sleeping soul should stir6 ,if its  
waking  glance--ah6 if it might fall on 
him6 ,as often as the thought  intruded1
 his heart would give one delirious     
bound1 then couch  ashamed of its       
presumption4 ,he would not1 he dared not
 look in that  direction4 ,he accused   
himself of mingling earthly motives and 
feelings with the unselfish and true1   
and scorned himself because of  it4 ,and
 was not ,bascombe already the favoured 
friend of her heart8    ,yet how could  
it be of her heart8 for what concern had
 hearts in a  common unbelief8 ,none2   

but there were the hearts--the man and  
the  woman--notwithstanding1 who might  
yet well be drawn together by the       
unknown divine which they also shared2  
and that ,helen1 whose foot  seemed now 
to approach and now to shun the line    
betwixt the kingdom  of this world and  
the kingdom of heaven1 should retire    
with such a  guide into the deserts of  
denial and chosen godlessness1 was to   
,wingfold a thought of torture almost   
unendurable4 ,the thought of its        
possibility1 nay1 probability--for were 
not such unfitnesses  continually       
becoming facts8--threatened sometimes to
 upset the  whole fabric of his faith1  
although reared in spite of theology1   
adverse philosophy1 and the most honest 
and bewildering doubt4 ,that  such a    
thing should be possible seemed at those
 times to bear more  against the        
existence of a ,god than all the other  
grounds of  question together4 ,then a  
shudder would go to the very deeps of   
his  heart1 and he would lay himself    

silent before the presence for a  time2 
or make haste into the solitudes--not   
where the sun shone and  the water ran1 
but where the light was dim and the wind
 low in the  pine woods4 ,there1 where  
the sombre green vaults were upheld by a
  hundred slender columns1 and the      
far-receding aisles seemed to lead  to  
the ancestral home of shadows1 there1   
his own soul a shadow of  grief and fear
 among the shades of the gloomy temple1 
he bowed his  heart before the ,eternal1
 gathered together all the might of his 
being1 and groaned forth in deepest     
effort of a will that struggled  to be3 
,thy will be done1 and not mine4 ,then  
would his spirit again  walk erect1 and 
carry its burden as a cross and not as a
 gravestone4    ,sometimes he was sorely
 perplexed to think how the weakness1 as
 he  called it1 had begun1 and how it   
had grown upon him4 ,he could not  say  
it was his doing1 and what had he ever  
been aware of in it  against which he   
ought to have striven8 ,came not the    

whole thing of  his nature1 a nature    
that was not of his design1 and was     
beyond him  and his control--a nature   
that either sprung from a ,god1 or grew 
out  of an unconscious ,fate8 ,if from  
the latter1 how was such as he to       
encounter and reduce to a constrained   
and self-rejecting reason a  ,self      
unreasonable1 being an issue of the     
,unreasoning1 which ,self was  yet      
greater than he1 its vagaries the source
 of his intensest  consciousness and    
brightest glimpses of the ideal and     
all-desirable4  ,if on the other hand it
 was born of a ,god1 then let that ,god 
look to  it1 for1 sure1 that which      
belonged to his nature could not be evil
  or of small account in the eyes of him
 who made him in his own  image4 ,but   
alas6 that image had1 no matter how1    
been so defaced1  that the will of the  
man might even now be setting itself up 
against  the will of the ,god6 ,did his 
love then spring from the ,god-will or  
the man-will8 ,must there not be some   

,god-way of the thing1 all  right and   
nothing wrong8--,but he could not       
compass it1 and the  marvel to himself  
was that all the time he was able to go 
on  preaching1 and that with some sense 
of honesty and joy in his work4    ,in  
this trouble more than ever ,wingfold   
felt that if there was no  ,god1 his    
soul was but a thing of rags and patches
 out in the  masterless pitiless storm  
and hail of a chaotic universe4 ,often  
would he rush into the dark1 as it were1
 crying for ,god1 and ever he  would    
emerge therefrom with some tincture of  
the light1 enough to  keep him alive and
 send him to his work4 ,and there1 in   
her own seat1  ,sunday after ,sunday1   
sat the woman whom he had seen ten      
times1 and  that for no hasty moments1  
during the week1 by the bedside of her  
brother1 yet to whom only now1 in the   
open secrecy of the pulpit1  did he dare
 utter the words of might he would so   
fain have poured  direct into her       
suffering heart4 ,and there1 ,sunday    

after ,sunday1 the  face he loved bore  
witness to the trouble of the heart he  
loved yet  more3 that heart was not yet 
redeemed6 oh1 might it be granted him   
to set some little wind a blowing for   
its revival and hope6 ,as often  as he  
stood up to preach1 his heart swelled   
with the message he  bore--a message of 
no private interpretation1 but for the  
healing of  the nations1 yet a message  
for her1 and for the healing of every   
individual heart that would hear and    
take1 and he spoke with the  freedom and
 dignity of a prophet4 ,but when he saw 
her afterwards1 he  scarcely dared let  
his eyes rest a moment on her face1     
would only  pluck the flower of a glance
 flying1 or steal it at such moments    
when he thought she would not see4 ,she 
caught his glance however far  oftener  
than he knew1 and was sometimes aware of
 it without seeing  it at all4 ,and     
there was that in the curate's          
behaviour1 in his  absolute avoidance of
 self-assertion1 or the least possible  

intrusion upon her mental privacy--in   
the wrapping of his garments  around him
 as it were1 that his presence might    
offend as little as  might be1 while at 
the same time he was full of simple     
direct  ministration to her brother1    
without one side-glance that sought     
approval of her1 which the nobility of  
the woman could not fail to  note1 and  
seek to understand4    ,it was          
altogether a time of great struggle with
 ,wingfold4 ,he seemed  to be assailed  
in every direction1 and to feel the     
strong house of  life giving way in     
every part1 and yet he held on--lived1  
which he  thought was all1 and1 without 
knowing it1 grew4 ,perhaps it may be    
this period that the following verses   
which ,i found among his papers  belong3
 he could not himself tell me4--        
,out of my door ,i run to do the thing  
,that calls upon me4 ,straight the wind 
of words      ,whoops from mine ears the
 sounds of them that sing      ,about   
their work--,my ,god6 my ,father-,king4 

,i turn in haste to see thy blessed     
door1      ,but lo6 a cloud of flies and
 bats and birds1      ,and stalking     
vapours1 and vague monster herds1       
,have risen and lighted1 rushed and     
swollen between4        ,ah me6 the     
house of peace is there no more4        
,was it a dream then8 ,walls1 fireside1 
and floor1      ,and sweet obedience1   
loving1 calm1 and free1      ,are       
vanished--gone as they had never been4  
,i labour groaning4 ,comes a sudden     
sheen6--      ,and ,i am kneeling at my 
,father's knee1      ,sighing with joy1 
and hoping utterly4                     
,,chapter ,,xv4    ,,the ,,lawn4        
,leopold had begun to cough1 and the    
fever continued4 ,every afternoon  came 
the red flush to his cheek1 and the hard
 glitter into his eye4  ,his talk was   
then excited1 and mostly about his      
coming trial4 ,to  ,helen it was        
terribly painful1 and she confessed to  
herself that but  for ,wingfold she must
 have given way4 ,leopold insisted on   

seeing ,mr4  ,hooker every time he      
called1 and every time expressed the    
hope that  he would not allow pity for  
his weak state to prevent him from      
applying the severe remedy of the law to
 his moral condition4 ,but in  truth it 
began to look doubtful whether disease  
would not run a race  with law for his  
life1 even if the latter should at once 
proceed to  justify a claim4 ,from the  
first ,faber doubted if he would ever   
recover from the consequences of that   
exposure in the churchyard1  and it soon
 became evident that his lungs were more
 than affected4  ,his cough increased1  
and he began to lose what little flesh  
he had4    ,one day ,faber expressed his
 conviction to ,wingfold that he was    
fighting the disease at the great       
disadvantage of having an unknown  enemy
 to contend with4    ,the fellow is     
unhappy1 he said1 and if that lasts     
another month1  ,i shall throw up the   
sponge4 ,he has a good deal of vitality1
 but it  is yielding1 and by that time  

he will be in a galloping  consumption4 
,you must do your best for him1 said    
,wingfold1 but in his heart he  wished1 
with an honest affection1 that he might 
not succeed4    ,leopold1 however1      
seemed to have no idea of his condition1
 and the  curate wondered what he would 
think or do were he to learn that he    
was dying4 ,would he insist on          
completing his confession1 and urging   
on a trial8 ,he had himself told him all
 that had passed with the  magistrate1  
and how things now were as he understood
 them1 but it  was plain that he had    
begun to be uneasy about the affair1 and
 was  doubtful at times whether all was 
as it seemed4 ,the curate was not       
deceived4 ,he had been present during a 
visit from ,mr4 ,hooker1 and  nothing   
could be plainer than the impression out
 of which the good  man spoke4 ,nor     
could he fail to suspect the cunning    
kindness of  ,george ,bascombe in the   
affair4 ,but he did not judge that he   
had now  the least call to interfere4   

,the poor boy had done as much as lay   
either in or out of him in the direction
 of duty1 and was daily  becoming more  
and more unfit either to originate or   
carry out a  further course of action4  
,if he was in himself capable of        
anything  more1 he was1 in his present  
state of weakness1 utterly unable to    
cope with the will of those around him4 
,faber would have had him leave the     
country for some southern  climate1 but 
he would not hear of it1 and ,helen1    
knowing to what  extremities it might   
drive him1 would not insist4 ,nor1      
indeed1 was  he now in a condition to be
 moved4 ,also the weather had grown     
colder1 and he was sensitive to         
atmospheric changes as any creature  of 
the elements4    ,but after a fortnight1
 when it was now the middle of the      
autumn1 it  grew quite warm again1 and  
he revived and made such progress that  
he  was able to be carried into the     
garden every day4 ,there he sat in a    
chair on the lawn1 with his feet on a   

sheepskin1 and a fur cloak  about him4  
,and for all the pain at his heart1 for 
all the misery in  which no one could   
share1 for all the pangs of a helpless  
jealousy1  checked only by a gnawing    
remorse1 both of which took refuge in   
the  thought of following through the   
spheres until he found her1 cast        
himself at her feet1 spoke the truth1   
and became1 if he might1 her  slave for 
ever1 failing which he could but turn   
and go wandering  through the spheres1  
seeking rest and finding none1 save     
indeed  there were some salvation even  
for him in the bosom of his ,god--,i    
say that1 somehow1 with all this on the 
brain and in the heart of  him1 the     
sunshine was yet pleasant to his eyes1  
while it stung him  to the soul2 the    
soft breathing of the wind was pleasant 
to his  cheek1 while he cursed himself  
for the pleasure it gave him2 the few   
flowers that were left looked up at him 
mournfully and he let them  look1 nor   
turned his eyes away1 but let the tears 

gather and flow4  ,the first agonies of 
the encounter of life and death were    
over1 and  life was slowly wasting away4
 ,oh what might not a little joy do for 
him6 ,but where was the joy to be found 
that could irradiate such a  darkness   
even for one fair memorial moment8      
,one hot noon ,wingfold lay beside him  
on the grass4 ,neither had  spoken for  
some time3 the curate more and more     
shrunk from speech to  which his heart  
was not directly moved4 ,as to what     
might be in  season or out of season1 he
 never would pretend to judge1 he said1 
but even ,balaam's ass knew when he had 
a call to speak4 ,he plucked a  pale red
 pimpernel and handed it up over his    
head to ,leopold4 ,the  youth looked at 
it for a moment1 and burst into tears4  
,the curate  rose hastily4    ,it is so 
heartless of me4 said ,leopold1 to take 
pleasure in such  a childish innocence  
as this6    ,it merely shows1 said the  
curate1 laying his hand gently on his   
shoulder1 that even in these lowly      

lovelinesses1 there is a  something that
 has its root deeper than your pain2    
that1 all about  us1 in earth and air1  
wherever eye or ear can reach1 there is 
a  power ever breathing itself forth in 
signs1 now in a daisy1 now in a         
windwaft1 a cloud1 a sunset2 a power    
that holds constant and  sweetest       
relation with the dark and silent world 
within us2 that the  same ,god who is in
 us1 and upon whose tree we are the     
buds1 if not  yet the flowers1 also is  
all about us--inside1 the ,spirit2      
outside1  the ,word4 ,and the two are   
ever trying to meet in us2 and when they
  meet1 then the sign without1 and the  
longing within1 become one in  light1   
and the man no more walketh in darkness1
 but knoweth whither  he goeth4    ,as  
he ended thus1 the curate bent over and 
looked at ,leopold4 ,but  the poor boy  
had not listened to a word he said4     
,something in his  tone had soothed him1
 but the moment he ceased1 the vein of  
his  grief burst out bleeding afresh4   

,he clasped his thin hands together1    
and looked up in an agony of hopeless   
appeal to the blue sky1 now  grown paler
 as in fear of the coming cold1 though  
still the air was  warm and sweet1 and  
cried1    ,oh6 if ,god would only be    
good and unmake me1 and let darkness    
cover  the place where once was me6     
,that would be like a good ,god6 ,all ,i
  should be sorry for then would be1    
that there was not enough of me  left   
for a dim flitting ,will-o'-the-wisp of 
praise1 ever singing my  thankfulness to
 him that ,i was no more4--,yet even    
then my deed would  remain1 for ,i dare 
not ask that she should die outright    
also--that  would be to heap wrong upon 
wrong4 ,what an awful thing being is6   
,not  even my annihilation could make up
 for my crime1 or rid it out of  the    
universe4    ,true1 ,leopold6 said the  
curate4 ,nothing but the burning love of
  ,god can rid sin out of anywhere4 ,but
 are you not forgetting him who  surely 
knew what he undertook when he would    

save the world8 ,no more  than you could
 have set that sun flaming overhead1    
with its  million-miled billows and its 
limitless tempests of fire1 can you     
tell what the love of ,god is1 or what  
it can do for you1 if only by  enlarging
 your love with the inrush of itself4   
,few have such a cry  to raise to the   
,father as you1 such a claim of sin and 
helplessness  to heave up before him1   
such a joy even to offer to the great   
,shepherd who cannot rest while one     
sheep strays from his flock1 one        
prodigal haunts the dens of evil and    
waste4 ,cry to him1 ,leopold1 my  dear  
boy4 ,cry to him again and yet again1   
for he himself said that  men ought     
always to pray and not faint1 for ,god  
did hear and would  answer although he  
might seem long about it4 ,i think we   
shall find  one day that nobody1 not the
 poet of widest sweep and most daring   
imagination1 not the prophet who soars  
the highest in his ardour to  justify   
the ways of ,god to men1 not the child  

when he is most fully  possessed of the 
angel that in heaven always beholds the 
face of the  ,father of ,jesus1 has come
 or could have come within sight of the 
majesty of his bestowing upon his       
children4 ,for did he not1 if the  story
 be true1 allow torture itself to invade
 the very soul's  citadel of his best   
beloved1 as he went to seek the poor ape
 of a  prodigal1 stupidly grinning      
amongst his harlots8    ,leopold did not
 answer1 and the shadow lay deep on his 
face for a  while2 but at length it     
began to thin1 and at last a feeble     
quivering smile broke through the cloud1
 and he wept soft tears of  refreshing4 
,it was not that the youth had turned   
again from the hope of rest in  the ,son
 of ,man2 but that1 as everyone knows   
who knows anything of  the human spirit1
 there must be in its history days and  
seasons1  mornings and nights1 yea      
deepest midnights4 ,it has its          
alternating  summer and winter1 its     
storm and shine1 its soft dews and its  

tempests of lashing hail1 its cold moons
 and prophetic stars1 its  pale         
twilights of saddest memory1 and its    
golden gleams of brightest  hope4 ,all  
these mingled and displaced each other  
in ,leopold's ruined  world1 where chaos
 had come again1 but over whose waters a
 mightier  breath was now moving4       
,and now after much thought1 the curate 
saw that he could not hope to           
transplant into the bosom of the lad the
 flowers of truth that  gladdened his   
own garden3 he must sow the seed from   
which they had  sprung1 and that seed   
was the knowledge of the true ,jesus4   
,it was  now the more possible to help  
him in this way1 that the wild beast  of
 his despair had taken its claws from   
his bosom1 had withdrawn a  pace or two1
 and couched watching4 ,and ,wingfold   
soon found that  nothing calmed and     
brightened him like talk about ,jesus4  
,he had  tried verse first--seeking out 
the best within his reach wherein       
loving souls have uttered their devotion

 to the man of men2 but here  also the  
flowers would not be transplanted4 ,how 
it came about he  hardly knew1 but he   
had soon drifted into rather than chosen
 another  way1 which way proved a right 
one3 he would begin thinking aloud on   
some part of the gospel story1 generally
 that which was most in his  mind at the
 time--talking with himself1 as it were1
 all about it4 ,he  began this one      
morning as he lay on the grass beside   
him1 and that  was the position in which
 he found he could best thus            
soliloquize4  ,now and then but not     
often ,leopold would interrupt him1 and 
perhaps  turn the monologue into        
dialogue1 but even then ,wingfold would 
hardly ever look at him3 he would not   
disturb him with more of his  presence  
than he could help1 or allow the truth  
to be flavoured with  more of his       
individuality than was unavoidable4 ,for
 every  individuality1 he argued1 has a 
peculiar flavour to every other1 and    
only ,jesus is the pure simple humanity 

that every one can love1 out  and out1  
at once4 ,in these mental meanderings1  
he avoided nothing1  took notice of     
every difficulty1 whether able to       
discuss it fully or  not1 broke out in  
words of delight when his spirit was    
moved1 nor  hid his disappointment when 
he failed in getting at what might seem 
good enough to be the heart of the      
thing4 ,it was like hatching a  sermon  
in the sun instead of in the oven4      
,occasionally1 when1 having  ceased1 he 
looked up to know how his pupil fared1  
he found him fast  asleep--sometimes    
with a smile1 sometimes with a tear on  
his face4  ,the sight would satisfy him 
well4 ,calm upon such a tormented sea   
must be the gift of ,god2 and the curate
 would then sometimes fall  asleep      
himself--to start awake at the first    
far-off sound of ,helen's  dress as it  
swept a running fire of fairy           
fog-signals from the half-  opened buds 
of the daisies1 and the long heads of   
the rib-grass1  when he would rise and  

saunter a few paces aside1 and she would
 bend  over her brother1 to see if he   
were warm and comfortable4 ,by this     
time all the old tenderness of her      
ministration had returned1 nor  did she 
seem any longer jealous of ,wingfold's4 
,one day she came behind them as they   
talked4 ,the grass had been mown  that  
morning1 and also she happened to be    
dressed in her riding-  habit and had   
gathered up the skirt over her arm1 so  
that on this  occasion she made no sound
 of sweet approach4 ,wingfold had been  
uttering one of his rambling            
monologues--in which was much without   
form1 but nothing void4    ,i don't know
 quite1 he had been saying1 what to     
think about that  story of the woman    
they brought to ,jesus in the temple--,i
 mean how  it got into that nook of the 
gospel of ,st4 ,john1 where it has no   
right place4--,they didn't bring her for
 healing or for the rebuke of  her      
demon1 but for condemnation1 only they  
came to the wrong man for  that4 ,they  

dared not carry out the law of stoning1 
as they would  have liked1 ,i suppose1  
even if ,jesus had condemned her1 but   
perhaps  they hoped rather to entrap him
 who was the friend of sinners into     
saying something against the law4--,but 
what ,i want is1 to know how  it got    
there1--just there1 ,i mean1 betwixt the
 seventh and eighth  chapters of ,st4   
,john's ,gospel4 ,there is no doubt of  
its being an  interpolation--that the   
twelfth verse1 ,i think it is1 ought to 
join  on to the fifty-second4 ,the      
,alexandrian manuscript is the only one 
of the three oldest that has it1 and it 
is the latest of the three4  ,i did     
think once1 but hastily1 that it was our
 ,lord's text for  saying ,i ,,am ,,the 
,,light ,,of ,,the ,,world1 but it      
follows quite as well on  his offer of  
living water4 ,one can easily see how   
the place would  appear a very suitable 
one to any presumptuous scribe who      
wished to  settle the question of where 
it should stand4--,i wonder if ,st4     

,john  told the lovely tale as something
 he had forgotten1 after he had         
finished dictating all the rest4 ,or was
 it well known to all the  evangelists1 
only no one of them was yet partaker    
enough of the  spirit of him who was the
 friend of sinners1 to dare put it on   
written record1 thinking it hardly a    
safe story to expose to the  quarrying  
of men's conclusions8 ,but it doesn't   
matter much3 the tale  must be a true   
one4 ,only--to think of just this one   
story1 of  tenderest righteousness1     
floating about like a holy waif through 
the  world of letters6--a sweet gray    
dove of promise that can find no  rest  
for the sole of his foot6 ,just this one
 story of all stories a  kind of        
outcast6 and yet as a wanderer1 oh1 how 
welcome6 ,some  manuscripts1 ,i         
understand1 have granted it a sort of   
outhouse-shelter  at the end of the     
gospel of ,st4 ,luke4 ,but it all       
matters nothing1 so  long as we can     
believe it2 and true it must be1 it is  

so like him  all through4 ,and if it    
does go wandering as a stray through the
  gospels1 without place of its own1    
what matters it so long as it  can find 
hearts enough to nestle in1 and bring   
forth its young of  comfort6--,perhaps  
the woman herself told it1 and1 as with 
the woman  of ,samaria1 some would and  
some would not believe her4--,oh6 the   
eyes  that met upon her6 ,the fiery hail
 of scorn from those of the             
,pharisees--the  light of eternal       
sunshine from those of ,jesus6--,i was  
reading the  other day1 in one of the   
old ,miracle ,plays1 how each that      
looked on  while ,jesus wrote with his  
finger on the ground1 imagined he was   
writing down his individual sins1 and   
was in terror lest his neighbour  should
 come to know them4--,and wasn't he     
gentle even with those to  whom he was  
sharper than a two-edged sword6 and oh  
how gentle to her  he would cover from  
their rudeness and wrong6 ,,let ,,the   
,,sinless ,,throw6  ,and the sinners    

went out1 and she followed--to sin no   
more4 ,no reproaches1  you see6 ,no     
stirring up of the fiery snakes6 ,only  
don't do it again4--,i  don't think she 
did it again3--do you8    ,it was just  
here that ,helen came and stood behind  
,leopold's chair4  ,the curate lay on   
the grass1 and neither saw her4         
,,chapter ,,xvi4    ,,how ,,jesus       
,,spoke ,,to ,,women4            ,but   
why wasn't he as gentle with good women8
 said ,leopold4    ,wasn't he8 said the 
curate in some surprise4    ,he said    
,what have ,i to do with thee to his own
 mother8    ,a ,greek scholar should go 
to the ,greek1 said the curate4 ,our    
,english is not perfect4 ,you see she   
wanted to make him show off1 and  he    
thought how little she knew what he came
 to the world for4 ,her  thoughts were  
so unlike his that he said1 ,what have  
we in common6 ,it  was a moan of the    
,god-head over the distance of its      
creature4  ,perhaps he thought3 ,how    
then will you stand the shock when at   

length  it comes8 ,but he looked at her 
as her own son ought to look at every   
blessed mother1 and she read in his eyes
 no rebuke1 for instantly1  sure of her 
desire1 she told them to do whatever he 
said4    ,i hope that's the right way of
 it1 said ,leopold1 for ,i want to      
trust him out and out4 ,but what do you 
make of the story of the poor  woman    
that came about her daughter8 ,wasn't he
 rough to her8 ,it  always seemed to me 
such a cruel thing to talk of throwing  
the meat  of the children to the dogs6  
,we cannot judge of the word until we   
know the spirit that gave  birth to it4 
,let me ask you a question3 ,what would 
you take for the  greatest proof of     
downright friendship a man could show   
you8    ,that is too hard a question to 
answer all at once4    ,well1 ,i may be 
wrong1 but the deepest outcome of       
friendship seems  to me1 on the part of 
the superior at least1 the permission1  
or  better still1 the call1 to share in 
his sufferings4 ,and in saying  that    

hard word to the poor ,gentile1 our     
,lord honoured her thus  mightily4 ,he  
assumed for the moment the part of the  
,jew towards the  ,gentile1 that he     
might1 for the sake of all the world of 
,gentiles  and ,jews1 lay bare to his   
,jewish followers the manner of spirit  
they  were of1 and let them see what a  
lovely humanity they despised in  their 
pride of election4 ,he took her to      
suffer with him for the  salvation of   
the world4 ,the cloud overshadowed them 
both1 but what  words immediately       
thereafter made a glory in her heart6   
,he spoke to  her as if her very faith  
had reached an arm into the heavens1 and
  brought therefrom the thing she       
sought4--,but ,i confess1 the curate    
went on1 those two passages have both   
troubled me4 ,so ,i presume  will       
everything that is ,god's1 until it     
becomes a strength and a  light by      
revealing its true nature to the heart  
that has grown  capable of understanding
 it4 ,the first sign of the coming      

capacity  and the coming joy1 is the    
anxiety and the question4--,there is    
another passage1 which1 although it does
 not trouble me so much1 ,i  cannot yet 
get a right perception of4 ,when ,mary  
,magdalene took the  ,master of ,death  
for the gardener--the gardener of the   
garden of the  tombs6 no great mistake1 
was it8--it is a lovely thing1 that     
mistaking of ,jesus for the             
gardener6--how the holy and the lowly1  
yea the holy and the common meet on all 
sides6 ,just listen to their  morning   
talk--the morning of the eternal open   
world to ,jesus1 while  the shadows of  
this narrow life still clustered around 
,mary3--,i can  give it you exactly1 for
 ,i was reading it this very day4       
',woman1 why weepest thou8 ,whom seekest
 thou8'    ',sir1 if thou have borne him
 hence1 tell me where thou hast laid    
him1 and ,i will take him away4'        
',mary4'    ',master6'    ',touch me    
not2 for ,i am not yet ascended to my   
,father3 but go to my  brethren1 and say

 unto them1 ,i ascend unto my ,father   
and your  ,father2 and to my ,god and   
your ,god4'    ,why did he say1 ,,do    
,,not ,,touch ,,me8 ,it could not be    
that there was any  defilement to one in
 the new body of the resurrection1 from 
contact  with one still in the old      
garments of humanity4 ,but could it be  
that  there was danger to her in the    
contact8 ,was there something in the    
new house from ,heaven hurtful to the   
old tabernacle8 ,i can hardly  believe  
it4 ,perhaps it might be4 ,but we must  
look at the reason the  ,master         
gives--only of all words hard to        
understand1 the little  conjunctions are
 sometimes the hardest4 ,what can that  
,,for mean8  ',touch me not1 ,,for ,i am
 not yet ascended to my ,father4' ,does 
it  mean1 ',i must first present myself 
to my ,father2 ,i must first have  ,his 
hand laid on this body new-risen from   
the grave2 ,i must go home  first8' ,the
 child must kiss his mother first1 then 
his sisters and  brothers3 was it so    

with ,jesus8 ,was he so glad in his     
father1 that  he must carry even the    
human body he had rescued eternal from  
the  grave1 home to show him first8     
,there are many difficulties about the  
interpretation1 and even if true1 it    
would still shock every heart  whose    
devotion was less than absolutely       
child-like4 ,was not ,god ,,with  him1  
as close to him as even ,god could come 
to his eternal son--in  him--,,one with 
him1 all the time8 ,how could he get    
nearer to him by  going to ,heaven8     
,what head-quarters1 what court of place
 and  circumstance should the ,eternal1 
,immortal1 ,invisible hold8 ,and yet  if
 from him flow time and space1 although 
he cannot be subject to  them2 if his   
son could incarnate himself--cast the   
living1  responsive1 elastic1 flowing1  
evanishing circumstance of a human      
garment around him2 if1 as ,novalis     
says1 ,god can become whatever he  can  
create1 then may there not be some      
central home of ,god1 holding  relation 

even to time and space and sense8 ,but  
,i am bewildered about  it4--,jesus     
stood then in the meeting point of both 
worlds1 or rather  in the skirts of the 
great world that infolds the less4 ,i am
 talking  like a baby1 for my words     
cannot compass or even represent my     
thoughts4 ,this world looks to us the   
natural and simple one1 and so  it      
is--absolutely fitted to our need and   
education4 ,but there is  that in us    
which is not at home in this world1     
which ,i believe holds  secret relations
 with every star1 or perhaps rather1    
with that in  the heart of ,god whence  
issued every star1 diverse in kind and  
character as in colour and place and    
motion and light4 ,to that in  us1 this 
world is so far strange and unnatural   
and unfitting1 and we  need a yet       
homelier home4 ,yea1 no home at last    
will do1 but the home  of ,god's heart4 
,jesus1 ,i say1 was now looking1 on one 
side1 into the  region of a deeper life1
 where his people1 those that knew their

 own  when they saw him1 would one day  
find themselves tenfold at home2  while1
 on the other hand1 he was looking into 
the region of their  present life1 which
 custom and faithlessness make them     
afraid to  leave4 ,but we need not fear 
what the new conditions of life will    
bring1 either for body or heart1 for    
they will be nearer and sweeter  to our 
deeper being1 as ,jesus is nearer and   
dearer than any man  because he is more 
human than any4 ,he is all that we can  
love or  look for1 and at the root of   
that very loving and looking4--',in my  
,father's house are many mansions1' he  
said4 ,matter1 time1 space1 are  all    
,god's1 and whatever may become of our  
philosophies1 whatever he  does with or 
in respect of time1 place1 and what we  
call matter1 his  doing must be true in 
philosophy as well as fact4 ,but ,i am  
wandering4    ,the curate was wandering1
 but the liberty of wandering was       
essential  to his talking with the kind 
of freedom and truth he wanted to       

mediate betwixt his pupil and the lovely
 things he saw4    ,i wonder where the  
penitent thief was all the time1 said   
,leopold4    ,yes1 that also is a       
difficulty4 ,there again come in the    
bothering  time and space1 bothering in 
their relation to heavenly things1 ,i   
mean4 ,on the ,friday1 the penitent     
thief1 as you call him1 was to be  with 
,jesus in ,paradise2 and now it was     
,sunday1 and ,jesus said he had  not yet
 been up to see his ,father4 ,some would
 say1 ,i am too literal1  too curious2  
what can ,friday and ,sunday have to do 
with ,paradise8  ,but words ,,mean in   
both worlds1 for they are not two but   
one--surely  at least when ,jesus thinks
 and speaks of them2 and there can be no
  wrong in feeling ever so blindly and  
dully after ,,what they mean4  ,such    
humble questioning can do no harm1 even 
if1 in face of the  facts1 the questions
 be as far off and ,,silly--in the old  
sweet  meaning of the word--as those of 
any infant concerning a world he  has   

not proved4--,but about ,mary           
,magdalene3 ,he must have said the  word
 ,,touch ,,me ,,not4 ,that could not    
have crept in4 ,it is too hard for  an  
interpolation1 ,i think2 and if no      
interpolation1 it must mean  some       
deep-good thing we don't understand4    
,one thing we can make sure  of3 it was 
nothing that should hurt her2 for see   
what follows4 ,but  for that1 when he   
said ,,touch ,,me ,,not1 ,,for ,i ,,am  
,,not ,,yet ,,ascended ,,to ,,my        
,,father1 she might have thought--',ah6 
thou hast thy ,father to go to1  and    
thou wilt leave us for him4'--,,but1 he 
went on1 ,,go ,,to ,,my ,,brethren      
,,and ,,say ,,unto ,,them3 ,i ,,ascend  
,,unto ,,my ,,father1 ,,and ,,your      
,,father2 ,,and ,,my  ,,god ,,and ,,your
 ,,god4 ,what more could she want8      
,think3 the ,father of  ,jesus1 with    
whom1 in all his knowledge and all his  
suffering1 the  grand heart was         
perfectly1 exultingly satisfied1--that  
,father he  calls our ,father too4 ,he  

shares with his brethren--of his best1  
his  deepest1 his heartiest1 most secret
 delight1 and makes it their and  his   
most open joy3 he shares his eternal    
,father with us1 his perfect  ,god with 
his brethren4 ,and whatever his not     
having yet ascended to  him may mean1 we
 see1 with marvel and joy1 that what    
delayed  him--even though1 for some     
reason perfect in tenderness as in      
truth1  he would not be touched--was    
love to ,mary ,magdalene and his mother 
and his brethren4 ,he could not go to   
the ,father without comforting  them    
first4 ,and certainly whatever she took 
the ,,touch ,,me ,,not to mean  or point
 at1 it was nothing that hurt her4--,it 
just strikes me--is  it possible he said
 it in order to turn the overwhelming   
passion of  her joy1 which after such a 
restoration would have clung more than  
ever to the visible presence1 and would 
be ready to suffer the pains  of death  
yet again when he parted from her--might
 it be to turn that  torrent into the   

wider and ever widening channel of joy  
in his  everlasting presence to the     
innermost being1 his communion1 heart to
  heart1 with every child of his        
,father8 ,in our poor weakness and      
narrowness and self-love1 even of ,jesus
 the bodily may block out the  spiritual
 nearness1 which1 however in most moods 
we may be unable to  realise the fact1  
is and remains a thing unutterably      
lovelier and  better and                
dearer--enhancing tenfold what vision of
 a bodily  presence may at some time be 
granted us4 ,but how any woman can help 
casting herself heart and soul at the   
feet of such a lowly grandeur1  such a  
tender majesty1 such a self-dissolving  
perfection--,i cannot  imagine4 ,the    
truth must be that those who kneel not  
have not seen4  ,you do not once read of
 a woman being against him--except      
indeed it  was his own mother1 when she 
thought he was going all astray and     
forgetting his high mission4 ,the divine
 love in him towards his  ,father in    

heaven and his brethren of men1 was ever
 melting down his  conscious            
individuality in sweetest showers upon  
individual hearts2  he came down like   
rain upon the mown grass1 like showers  
that water  the earth4 ,no woman1 no man
 surely ever saw him as he was and did  
not worship6    ,helen turned and glided
 back into the house1 and neither knew  
she  had been there4                    
,,chapter ,,xvii4    ,,deliverance4     
,all that could be done for ,leopold by 
tenderest sisterly care under  the      
supervision of ,mr4 ,faber1 who believed
 in medicine less than in  good nursing1
 was well supplemented by the brotherly 
ministrations  of ,wingfold1 who gave   
all the time he could honestly spare    
from his  ordinary work to soothe and   
enlighten the suffering youth4 ,but it  
became clearer every week that nothing  
would avail to entice the  torn roots of
 his being to clasp again the soil of   
the world3 he was  withering away out of
 it4 ,ere long symptoms appeared which  

no one  could well mistake1 and ,lingard
 himself knew that he was dying4        
,wingfold had dreaded that his discovery
 of the fact might reveal  that he had  
imagined some atonement in the public   
confession he  desired to make1 and     
that1 when he found it denied him1 he   
would  fall into despair4 ,but he was   
with him at the moment1 and his  bearing
 left no ground for anxiety4 ,a gleam of
 gladness from below  the horizon of his
 spirit1 shot up1 like the aurora of a  
heavenly  morning1 over the sky of his  
countenance4 ,he glanced at his friend1 
smiled1 and said1    ,it has killed me  
too1 and that is a comfort4    ,the     
curate only looked his reply4    ,they  
say1 resumed ,leopold1 after a while1   
that ,god takes the will  for the       
deed3--do you think so8    ,certainly1  
if it be a true1 genuine will4    ,i am 
sure ,i meant to give myself up1 said   
,leopold4 ,i had not the  slightest idea
 they were fooling me4 ,i know it now1  
but what can ,i  do8 ,i am so weak1 ,i  

should only die on the way4    ,he tried
 to rise1 but fell back in the chair4   
,oh6 he sighed1 isn't it good of ,god to
 let me die6 ,who knows what  he may do 
for me on the other side6 ,who can tell 
what the bounty of  a ,god like ,jesus  
may be6    ,a vision arose before the   
mind's eye of the curate3--,emmeline    
kneeling for ,leopold's forgiveness2 but
 he wisely held his peace4  ,the        
comforter of the sinner must come from  
the forgiveness of ,god1  not from the  
favourable judgment of man mitigating   
the harshness of  his judgment of       
himself4 ,wingfold's business was to    
start him well  in the world whither he 
was going4 ,he must fill his scrip with 
the  only wealth that would not dissolve
 in the waters of the river--that  was1 
the knowledge of ,jesus4    ,it shot a  
terrible pang to the heart of ,helen1   
herself1 for all her  suffering1 so full
 of life1 when she learned that her     
darling must  die4 ,yet was there no    
small consolation mingled with the      

shock4 ,fear  vanished1 and love        
returned with grief in twofold strength4
 ,she flew  to him1 and she who had been
 so self-contained1 so composed1 so     
unsubmissive to any sway of feeling1    
broke into such a storm of  passionate  
affection that the vexilla mortis       
answered from his  bosom1 flaunting     
themselves in crimson before her eyes4  
,in vain1 for  ,leopold's sake1 the     
curate had sought to quiet her3 she had 
resented  his interference2 but this    
result of her impetuosity speedily      
brought her to her senses1 and set her  
to subdue herself4    ,the same evening 
,leopold insisted on dictating to the   
curate his  confession1 which done1 he  
signed it1 making him and ,helen attest 
the signature4 ,this document ,wingfold 
took charge of1 promising to  make the  
right use of it1 whatever he should on  
reflection conclude  that to be2 after  
which ,leopold's mind seemed at ease4   
,his sufferings from cough and weakness 
and fever now augmented with  greater   

rapidity1 but it was plain from the kind
 of light in his  eye1 and the far look 
which was not yet retrospective1 that   
hope and  expectation were high in him4 
,he had his times of gloom1 when the    
dragon of the past crept out of its     
cave1 and tore him afresh2 but  the     
prospect of coming deliverance          
strengthened him4    ,do you really     
think1 he said once to the curate1 that 
,i shall  ever see ,emmeline again8     
,truly ,i hope so1 answered his friend1 
and could argue upon the  point4 ,but ,i
 think the best way1 when doubt comes as
 to anything you  would like to be true1
 is just to hide yourself in ,god1 as   
the child  would hide from the dark in  
the folds of his mother's mantle4       
,but aunt would say1 if she knew1 that1 
dying as she did1 ,emmeline  could not  
be saved4    ,some people may have to be
 a good deal astonished as to what can  
and cannot be1 returned the curate4 ,but
 never mind what people  say3 make your 
appeal to the saviour of men about      

whatever troubles  you4 ,cry to the     
faithful creator1 his ,father4 ,to be a 
faithful  creator needs a might of truth
 and loving-kindness of which our       
narrow hearts can ill conceive4 ,ask    
much of ,god1 my boy1 and be very       
humble and very hoping4    ,after all   
such utterances1 ,leopold would look his
 thanks1 and hold  his peace4    ,i wish
 it was over1 he said once4    ,so do   
,i1 returned the curate4 ,but be of good
 courage1 ,i think  nothing will be     
given you to bear that you will not be  
able to  bear4    ,i can bear a great   
deal more than ,i have had yet4 ,i don't
 think ,i  shall ever complain4 ,that   
would be to take myself out of his      
hands1  and ,i have no hope anywhere    
else4--,are you any surer about him1    
sir1  than you used to be8    ,at least 
,i hope in him far more1 answered       
,wingfold4    ,is that enough8    ,no4  
,i want more4    ,i wish ,i could come  
back and tell you that ,i am alive and  
all is  true4    ,i would rather have   

the natural way of it1 and get the good 
of not  knowing first4    ,but if ,i    
could tell you ,i had found ,god1 then  
that would make you  sure4    ,wingfold 
could not help a smile3--as if any      
assurance from such a  simple soul could
 reach the questions that tossed his    
troubled  spirit6    ,i think ,i shall  
find all ,i want in ,jesus ,christ1 he  
said4    ,but you can't see him1 you    
know4    ,perhaps ,i can do better4 ,and
 at all events ,i can wait1 said the    
curate4 ,even if he would let me1 ,i    
would not see him one moment  before he 
thought it best4 ,i would not be out of 
a doubt or  difficulty an hour sooner   
than he would take me4    ,leopold gazed
 at him and said no more4               
,,chapter ,,xviii4    ,,the ,,meadow4   
,as the disease advanced1 his desire for
 fresh air and freedom grew  to a great 
longing4 ,one hot day1 whose ardours1   
too strong for the  leaves whose springs
 had begun to dry up1 were burning them 
yellow  and black and pale and hectic   

red1 the fancy seized him to get out  of
 the garden with its clipt box-trees and
 cypresses1 into the  meadow beyond4    
,there a red cow was switching her tail 
as she  gathered her milk from the      
world1 and looking as if all were well4 
,he liked the look of the cow1 and the  
open meadow1 and wanted to  share it    
with her1 he said4 ,helen1 with the     
anxiety of a careful  nurse1 feared it  
might hurt him4    ,what ,,does it      
matter8 he returned4 ,is life so sweet  
that every  moment more of it is a      
precious boon8 ,after ,i'm gone a few   
days1 you  won't know a week from an    
hour of me4 ,what a weight it will be   
off  you6 ,i envy you all the relief of 
it4 ,it will be to you just what it     
would be to me to get into that meadow4 
,helen made haste to let him have his   
will4 ,they prepared a sort of  litter1 
and the curate and the coachman carried 
him4 ,hearing what  they were about1    
,mrs4 ,ramshorn hurried into the garden 
to protest1  but protested in vain1 and 

joined the little procession1 walking   
with ,helen1 like a second mourner1     
after the bier4 ,they crossed the  lawn1
 and through a double row of small      
cypresses went winding down  to the     
underground passage1 as if to the tomb  
itself4 ,they had not  thought of       
opening the door first1 and the place   
was dark and  sepulchral4 ,helen        
hastened to set it wide4    ,lay me down
 for a moment1 said ,leopold4 --,here ,i
 lie in my tomb6  ,how soft and brown   
the light is6 ,i should not mind lying  
here1  half-asleep1 half-awake1 for     
centuries1 if only ,i had the hope of a 
right good waking at last4    ,a flood  
of fair light flashed in sweet torrent  
into the place--and  there1 framed in   
the doorway1 but far across the green   
field1 stood  the red cow1 switching her
 tail4    ,and here comes my            
resurrection6 cried ,leopold4 ,i have   
not had  long to wait for it--have ,i8  
,he smiled a pained content as he spoke1
 and they bore him out into  the sun and

 air4 ,they set him down in the middle  
of the field in a  low chair--not far   
from a small clump of trees1 through    
which the  footpath led to the stile    
whereon the curate was seated when he   
first saw the ,polwarths4 ,mrs4         
,ramshorn found the fancy of the sick   
man pleasant for the hale1 and sent for 
her knitting4 ,helen sat down           
empty-handed on the wool at her         
brother's feet1 and ,wingfold1 taking  a
 book from his pocket1 withdrew to the  
trees4    ,he had not read long1 sitting
 within sight and call of the group1    
when ,helen came to him4    ,he seems   
inclined to go to sleep1 she said4      
,perhaps if you would  read something1  
it would send him off4    ,i will with  
pleasure1 he said1 and returning with   
her1 sat down on  the grass4    ,may ,i 
read you a few verses ,i came upon the  
other day1 ,leopold8 he  asked4         
,please do1 answered the invalid1 rather
 sleepily4    ,i will not pledge myself 
that the verses belonged to the book    

,wingfold held before him1 but here they
 are4 ,he read them slowly1  and as     
evenly and softly and rhythmically as he
 could4        ,they come to thee1 the  
halt1 the maimed1 the blind1            
,the devil-torn1 the sick1 the sore2    
,thy heart their well of life they find1
          ,thine ear their open door4   
,ah6 who can tell the joy in            
,palestine--          ,what smiles and  
tears of rescued throngs6      ,their   
lees of life were turned to wine1       
,their prayers to shouts and songs6     
,the story dear our wise men fable call1
          ,give paltry facts the mighty 
range2      ,to me it seems just what   
should fall1          ,and nothing very 
strange4        ,but were ,i deaf and   
lame and blind and sore1          ,i    
scarce would care for cure to ask2      
,another prayer should haunt thy door-- 
,set thee a harder task4        ,if thou
 art ,christ1 see here this heart of    
mine1          ,torn1 empty1 moaning1   
and unblest6      ,had ever heart more  

need of thine1          ,if thine indeed
 hath rest8        ,thy word1 thy hand  
right soon did scare the bane           
,that in their bodies death did breed3  
,if thou canst cure my deeper pain1     
,then thou art ,lord indeed4    ,leopold
 smiled sleepily as ,wingfold read1 and 
ere the reading was  over1 slept4       
,what can the little object want here8  
said ,mrs4 ,ramshorn4    ,wingfold      
looked up1 and seeing who it was        
approaching them1 said1    ,oh6 that is 
,mr4 ,polwarth1 who keeps the park gate4
    ,nobody can well mistake him1       
returned ,mrs4 ,ramshorn4 ,everybody    
knows the creature4    ,few people know 
him really1 said ,wingfold4    ,i ,,have
 heard that he is an oddity in mind as  
well as in body1 said  ,mrs4 ,ramshorn4 
,he is a friend of mine1 rejoined the   
curate4 ,i will go and meet  him4 ,he   
wants to know how ,leopold is4    ,pray 
keep your seat1 ,mr4 ,wingfold4 ,i don't
 in the least mind him1  said ,mrs4     
,ramshorn4 ,any ,,friend of yours1 as   

you are kind enough to  call him1 will  
be welcome4 ,clergymen come to          
know--indeed it is  their duty to be    
acquainted with all sorts of people4    
,the late dean  of ,halystone would stop
 and speak to a pauper4    ,the curate  
did however go and meet ,polwarth1 and  
returning with him  presented him to    
,mrs4 ,ramshorn1 who received him with  
perfect  condescension1 and a most      
gracious bow4 ,helen bent her head also1
  very differently1 but it would be hard
 to say how4 ,the little man  turned    
from them1 and for a moment stood       
looking on the face of the  sleeping    
youth3 he had not seen him since ,helen 
ordered him to leave  the house4 ,even  
now she looked angry at his presumption 
in staring  at her brother4 ,but        
,polwarth did not see her look4 ,a great
  tenderness came over his face1 and his
 lips moved softly4 ,the ,lord  of thy  
life keep it for thee1 my son6 he       
murmured1 gazed a moment  longer1 then  
rejoined ,wingfold4    ,they walked     

aside a few paces4    ,pray be seated1  
said ,mrs4 ,ramshorn1 without looking up
 from her  knitting--the seat she       
offered being the wide meadow4    ,but  
they had already done so1 and presently 
were deep in a gentle  talk1 of which at
 length certain words that had been     
foolhardy  enough to wander within her  
range1 attracted the notice of ,mrs4    
,ramshorn1 and she began to listen4 ,but
 she could not hear  distinctly4        
,there should be one bishop at least1   
the little man was saying1  or ,i don't 
know but he ought to be the             
arch-arch-bishop1--a poor  man1 if      
possible1--one like the country parson  
,chaucer sets up in  contrast with the  
regular clergy1--whose main business    
should be to  travel about from         
university to university1 from college  
to college1  from school to school1     
warning off all young men who did not   
know  within themselves that it was     
neither for position1 nor income1 nor   
study1 nor influence1 that they sought  

to minister in the temple1  from        
entering the church4 ,as from holy      
ground1 he would warn them  off4        
,mrs4 ,ramshorn fancied1 from certain   
obscure associations in her own  mind1  
that he was speaking of dissenting      
ministers and persons of  low origin1   
who might wish to enter the church for  
the sake of  ,,bettering ,,themselves1  
and holding as she did1 that no church  
preferment should be obtained except by 
persons of good family and  position1   
qualified to keep up the dignity of the 
profession1 she  was not a little       
gratified to hear1 as she supposed1 the 
same  sentiments from the mouth of such 
an illiterate person as1 taking no  note
 of his somewhat remarkable utterance1  
she imagined ,polwarth to  be4          
,therefore she proceeded to patronize   
him yet a little farther4    ,i quite   
agree with you1 she said graciously4    
,none but such as you  describe should  
presume to set foot within the sacred   
precincts of  the profession4           

,polwarth did not much relish ,mrs4     
,ramshorn's style1 and was  considerably
 surprised at receiving such a hearty   
approval of a  proposed reformation in  
clerical things1 reaching even to the   
archiepiscopal1 which he had put        
half-humorously1 and yet in  thorough   
earnest1 for the ear of ,wingfold only4 
,he was little enough  desirous of      
pursuing the conversation with ,mrs4    
,ramshorn3 ,charity  herself does not   
require of a man to cast his precious   
things at the  feet of my lady ,disdain2
 but he must reply4    ,yes1 he said1   
the great evil in the church has always 
been the  presence in it of persons     
unsuited for the work there required of 
them4 ,one very simple sifting rule     
would be1 that no one should be         
admitted to holy orders who had not     
first proved himself capable of  making 
a better living in some other calling4  
,i cannot go with you so far as that--so
 few careers are opened to  gentlemen1  
rejoined ,mrs4 ,ramshorn4 ,besides--take

 the bar1 for  instance3 the forensic   
style a man must there acquire would    
hardly  become the pulpit4 ,but it would
 not be a bad rule that everyone1 for   
admission to holy orders1 should be     
possessed of property sufficient  at    
least to live upon4 ,with that for a    
foundation1 his living would  begin at  
once to tell1 and he would immediately  
occupy the superior  position every     
clergyman ought to have4    ,what ,i was
 thinking of1 said ,polwarth1 was mainly
 the experience  in life he would gather
 by having to make his own living2 that1
  behind the counter or the plough1 or  
in the workshop1 he would come  to know 
men and their struggles and their       
thoughts--    ,good heavens6 exclaimed  
,mrs4 ,ramshorn4 ,but ,i must be under  
some  misapprehension6 ,it is not       
possible you can be speaking of the     
,,church--of the clerical ,,profession4 
,the moment that is brought  within the 
reach of such people as you describe1   
that moment the  church sinks to the    

level of the catholic priesthood4       
,say rather1 to the level of ,jeremy    
,taylor1 returned ,polwarth1 who  was   
the son of a barber2 or of ,tillotson1  
who was the son of a  clothier1 or      
something of the sort1 and certainly a  
fierce  dissenter4 ,his enemies said the
 archbishop himself was never  baptized4
 ,by-the-way1 he was not ordained till  
he was thirty--and  that bears on what  
,i was just saying to ,mr4 ,wingfold1   
that ,i would  have no one ordained till
 after forty1 by which time he would    
know  whether he had any real call or   
only a temptation to the church1  from  
the base hope of an easy living4    ,by 
this time ,mrs4 ,ramshorn had had more  
than enough of it4 ,the man  was a      
leveller1 a chartist1 a positivist--a   
despiser of dignities6    ,mr4--1       
,mr4--1 ,i don't know your name--you    
will oblige me by  uttering no more such
 vile slanders in my company4 ,you are  
talking  about what you don't in the    
least understand4 ,the man who does not 

respect the religion of his native      
country is capable of--of--of           
,,anything4--,i am astonished1 ,mr4     
,wingfold1 at your allowing a member  of
 your congregation to speak with so     
little regard for the feelings  of the  
clergy4--,you forget1 sir1 when you     
attribute what you call  base motives to
 the cloth--you forget who said the     
labourer was  worthy of his hire4    ,i 
hope not1 madam4 ,i only venture to     
suggest that1 though the  labourer is   
worthy of his hire1 not every man is    
worthy of the  labour4    ,wingfold was 
highly amused at the turn things had    
taken4 ,polwarth  looked annoyed at     
having allowed himself to be beguiled   
into such an  utterly useless beating of
 the air4    ,my friend ,,has some      
rather peculiar notions1 ,mrs4          
,ramshorn1 said  the curate2 but you    
must admit it was your approval that    
encouraged  him to go on4    ,it is     
quite as well to know what people think1
 answered ,mrs4  ,ramshorn1 pretending  

she had drawn him out from suspicion4   
,my  husband used to say that very few  
of the clergy had any notion of  the    
envy and opposition of the lower orders1
 both to them  personally1 and to the   
doctrines they taught4 ,to low human    
nature  the truth has always been       
unpalatable4    ,what precisely she     
meant by ,,the ,,truth it would be hard 
to say1 but  if the visual embodiment of
 it was not a departed dean1 it was at  
least always associated in her mind with
 a cathedral choir1 and a  portly person
 in silk stockings4    ,here happily    
,leopold woke1 and his eyes fell upon   
the gate-keeper4    ,ah1 ,mr4 ,polwarth6
 ,i am so glad to see you6 he said4 ,i  
am getting  on1 you see4 ,it will be    
over soon4    ,i see1 replied ,polwarth1
 going up to him1 and taking his offered
  hand in both his4 ,i could almost envy
 you for having got so near  the end of 
your troubles4    ,are you sure it will 
be the end of them1 sir8    ,of some of 
them at least1 ,i hope1 and those the   

worst4 ,i cannot be  sure of anything   
but that all things work together for   
good to them  that love ,god4    ,i     
don't know yet whether ,i do love ,god4 
,not the father of ,jesus ,christ8      
,if ,god is really just like him1 ,i    
don't see how any man could help  loving
 him4 ,but1 do you know8 ,i am terrified
 sometimes at the  thought of seeing    
,,my father4 ,he was such a severe man6 
,i am afraid  he will scorn me4         
,never--if he has got into heavenly     
ways4 ,and you have your mother  there  
too1 have you not8    ,oh6 yes2 ,i      
didn't think of that4 ,i don't remember 
much of her4    ,anyhow1 you have ,god  
there1 and you must rest in him4 ,he    
will not  forget you1 for that would be 
ceasing to be ,god4 ,if ,god were to    
forget for one moment1 the universe     
would grow black--vanish--rush  out     
again from the realm of law and order   
into chaos and night4    ,but ,i have   
been wicked4    ,the more need you have1
 if possible1 of your ,father in heaven4

    ,here ,mrs4 ,ramshorn beckoned the  
attendance of the curate where she  sat 
a few yards off on the other side of    
,leopold4 ,she was a little  ashamed of 
having condescended to lose her temper1 
and when the  curate went up to her1    
said1 with an attempt at gaiety3    ,is 
your odd little friend1 as you call him1
 all--8    ,and she tapped her lace-cap 
carefully with her finger4    ,rather   
more so than most people1 answered      
,wingfold4 ,he is a very  remarkable    
man4    ,he speaks as if he had seen    
better days--though where he can have   
gathered such detestable revolutionary  
notions1 ,i can't think4    ,he is a man
 of education1 as you see1 said the     
curate4    ,you don't mean he has been  
to ,oxford or ,cambridge8    ,no4 ,his  
education has been of a much higher sort
 than is generally  found there4 ,he    
knows ten times as much as most         
university men4    ,ah6 yes2 but that   
goes for nothing3 he hasn't the         
standing4 ,and if  he had been to       

,oxford1 he never could have imbibed    
such notions4  ,besides--his manners6   
,to speak of the clergy as he did in the
  hearing of one whose whole history is 
bound up with the church6    ,she meant 
herself1 not ,wingfold4    ,but of      
course1 she went on1 there must be      
something ,,very wrong  with him to know
 so much as you say1 and occupy such a  
menial  position6 ,nothing but a        
gate-keeper1 and talk like that about   
bishops and what not6 ,people that are  
crooked in body are always  crooked in  
mind too4 ,i dare say now he has quite a
 coterie of  friends and followers      
amongst the lower orders in ,glaston4   
,he's just  the sort of man to lead the 
working classes astray4 ,no doubt he is 
a  very interesting study for a young   
man like you1 but you must take  care2  
you may be misunderstood4 ,a young      
clergyman ,,can',t be too  cautious--if 
he has any hope of rising in his        
profession4--,a  gate-keeper1 indeed6   
,wasn't it something like that ,david   

wanted to be8 said the curate4    ,mr4  
,wingfold1 ,i never allow any such      
foolish jests in my hearing4  ,it was a 
,,door-keeper the ,psalmist said--and to
 the house of ,god1 not  a nobleman's   
park4    ,a verger1 ,i suppose1 thought 
,wingfold4--,seriously1 ,mrs4           
,ramshorn1 that poor little atom of a   
creature is the wisest man ,i  know1 he 
said4    ,likely enough1 in ,,your      
judgment1 ,mr4 ,wingfold1 said the      
dean's  widow1 and drew herself up4     
,the curate accepted his dismissal1 and 
joined the little man by  ,leopold's    
chair4    ,i wish you two could be with 
me when ,i am dying1 said ,leopold4     
,if you will let your sister know your  
wish1 you may easily have  it1 said the 
curate4    ,it will be just like saying 
good-bye at the pier-head1 and pushing  
off alone--you can't get more than one  
into the boat--out1 out1  alone1 into   
the infinite ocean of--nobody knows what
 or where1 said  ,leopold4    ,except   
those that are there already1 and they  

will be waiting to  receive you1 said   
,polwarth4 ,you may well hope1 if you   
have friends  to see you off1 you will  
have friends to welcome you too4 ,but ,i
  think it's not so much like setting   
off from the pier-head1 as  getting down
 the side of the ocean-ship1 to laud at 
the pier-head1  where your friends are  
all standing looking out for you4       
,well6 ,i don't know1 said ,leopold1    
with a sigh of weariness4 ,i'm  thankful
 sometimes that ,i've grown stupid4 ,i  
suppose it's with  dying4 ,i didn't use 
to feel so4 ,sometimes ,i seem not to   
know or care  anything about anything4  
,i only want to stop coughing and aching
 and  go to sleep4    ,jesus was glad to
 give up his spirit into his ,father's  
hands4 ,he  was very tired before he got
 away4    ,thank you4 ,thank you4 ,i    
have him4 ,he is somewhere4 ,you can't  
mention his name but it brings me       
something to live and hope for4 ,if  he 
is there1 all will be well4 ,and if ,i  
do get too tired to care for  anything1 

he won't mind2 he will only let me go to
 sleep1 and wake  me up again by-and-by 
when ,i am rested4    ,he closed his    
eyes4    ,i want to go to bed1 he said4 
,they carried him into the house4       
,,chapter ,,xix4    ,,rachel ,,and      
,,leopold4            ,every day after  
this1 so long as the weather continued  
warm1 it was  ,leopold's desire to be   
carried out to the meadow4 ,once at his 
earnest petition1 instead of setting him
 down in the usual place1  they went on 
with him into the park1 but he soon     
wished to be taken  back to the meadow4 
,he did not like the trees to come      
between him  and his bed3 they made him 
feel like a rabbit that was too far from
  its hole1 he said2 and he was never   
tempted to try it again4    ,regularly  
too every day1 about one o'clock1 the   
gnome-like form of  the gate-keeper     
would issue from the little door in the 
park-fence1  and come marching across   
the grass towards ,leopold's chair1     
which  was set near the small clump of  

trees already mentioned4 ,the curate    
was almost always there1 not talking    
much to the invalid1 but  letting him   
know every now and then by some little  
attention or  word1 or merely by showing
 himself1 that he was near4 ,sometimes  
he  would take refuge from the heat1    
which the ,indian never felt too  great1
 amongst the trees1 and there would     
generally be thinking out  what he      
wanted to say to his people the next    
,sunday4    ,one thing he found strange1
 and could not satisfy himself          
concerning1 namely1 that although his   
mind was so much occupied with  ,helen  
that he often seemed unable to think    
consecutively upon any  subject1 he     
could always foresee his sermon best    
when1 seated behind  one of the trees1  
he could by moving his head see her at  
work beside  ,leopold's chair4 ,but the 
thing that did carry him through became 
plain enough to him afterwards3 his     
faith in ,god was all the time          
growing--and that through what seemed at

 the time only a succession  of         
interruptions4 ,nothing is so ruinous to
 progress in which effort  is needful1  
as satisfaction with apparent           
achievement2 that ever  sounds a halt2  
but ,wingfold's experience was that no  
sooner did he  set his foot on the      
lowest hillock of self-congratulation   
than some  fresh difficulty came that   
threw him prostrate2 and he rose again  
only in the strength of the necessity   
for deepening and broadening  his       
foundations that he might build yet     
higher1 trust yet farther3  that was the
 only way not to lose everything4 ,he   
was gradually  learning that his faith  
must be an absolute one1 claiming from  
,god  everything the love of a perfect  
,father could give1 or the needs he  had
 created in his child could desire2 that
 he must not look to  himself first for 
help1 or imagine that the divine was    
only the  supplement to the weakness and
 failure of the human2 that the  highest
 effort of the human was to lay hold of 

the divine4 ,he  learned that he could  
keep no simplest law in its loveliness  
until  he was possessed of the same     
spirit whence that law sprung2 that he  
could not love ,helen aright1 simply1   
perfectly1 unselfishly1 except  through 
the presence of the originating ,love2  
that the one thing  wherein he might    
imitate the free creative will of ,god  
was to will  the presence and power of  
that will which gave birth to his4 ,it  
was  the vital growth of this faith1    
even when he was too much troubled  to  
recognize the fact1 that made him strong
 in the midst of  weakness2 when the son
 of man in him cried out1 ,let this cup 
pass1  the son of ,god in him could yet 
cry1 ,let thy will be done4 ,he could   
inhabit trembling1 and yet be brave4    
,mrs4 ,ramshorn generally came to the   
meadow to see how the invalid  was after
 he was settled1 but she seldom staid3  
she was not fond of  nursing1 neither   
was there any need of her assistance2   
and as ,helen  never dreamed now of     

opposing the smallest wish of her       
brother1  there was no longer any       
obstruction to the visits of ,polwarth1 
which  were eagerly looked for by       
,leopold4    ,one day the little man did
 not appear1 but soon after his usual   
time  the still more gnome-like form of 
his little niece came scrambling  rather
 than walking over the meadow4 ,gently  
and modestly1 almost  shyly1 she came up
 to ,helen1 made her a courtesy like a  
village  school-girl1 and said1 while   
she glanced at ,leopold now and then    
with an ocean of tenderness in her      
large1 clear woman-eyes3    ,my uncle is
 sorry1 ,miss ,lingard1 that he cannot  
come to see your  brother to-day1 but he
 is laid up with an attack of asthma4   
,he  wished ,mr4 ,lingard to know that  
he was thinking of him3--shall ,i  tell 
you just what he said8    ,helen bent   
her neck3 she did not feel much interest
 in the matter4  ,but ,leopold said1    
,every word of such a good man is       
precious3 tell me1 please4    ,rachel   

turned to him with the flush of a white 
rose on her face4    ,i asked him1      
sir--',shall ,i tell him you are praying
 for him8' and  he said1 ',no4 ,i am not
 exactly praying for him1 but ,i am     
thinking of  ,god and him together4'    
,the tears rose in ,leopold's eyes4     
,rachel lifted her baby-hand1 and       
stroked the dusky1 long-fingured one    
that lay upon the arm of the  chair4    
,dear ,mr4 ,lingard1 she said1--,helen  
stopped in the middle of an  embroidery 
stitch1 and gave her a look as if she   
were about to ask  for her              
testimonials--,i could well wish1 if it 
pleased ,god1 that ,i  were as near home
 as you4    ,leopold took her hand in   
his4    ,do you suffer then8 he said4   
,just look at me1 she answered with a   
smile that was very pitiful1  though she
 did not mean it for such1 --shut up all
 my life in this  epitome of deformity6 
,but ,i ain't grumbling3 that would be a
 fine  thing6 ,my house is not so small 
but ,god can get into it4 ,only you     

can't think how tired ,i often am of it4
    ,mr4 ,wingfold was telling me       
yesterday that some people fancy ,st4   
,paul was little and misshapen1 and that
 that was his thorn in the  flesh4    ,i
 don't think that can be true1 or he    
would never have compared his  body to a
 tabernacle1 for1 oh dear6 it won't     
stretch an inch to give  a body room4 ,i
 don't think either1 if that had been   
the case1 he  would have said he didn't 
want it taken off1 but another put over 
it4 ,i do want mine taken off me1 and a 
downright good new one put on           
instead--something not quite so far off 
your sister's there1 ,mr4  ,lingard4    
,but ,i'm ashamed of talking like this4 
,it came of wanting to  tell you ,i     
can't be sorry you are going when ,i    
should so dearly like  to go myself4    
,and ,i would gladly stay a while1 and  
that in a house no bigger than  yours1  
if ,i had a conscience of the same sort 
in my back-parlour1  said ,leopold      
smiling4 ,but when ,i am gone the world 

will be the  cleaner for it4--,do you   
know about ,god the same way your uncle 
does1  ,miss ,polwarth8    ,i hope ,i   
do--a little4 ,i doubt if anybody knows 
as much as he  does1 she returned1 very 
seriously4 ,but ,god knows about us all 
the  same1 and he don't limit his       
goodness to us by our knowledge of him4 
,it's so wonderful that he can be all to
 everybody6 ,that is his  ,godness1 you 
know4 ,we can't be all to any one       
person4 ,do what we  will1 we can't let 
anybody see into us even4 ,we are all in
 bits and  spots4 ,but ,i fancy it's a  
sign that we come of ,god that we don't 
like it4 ,how gladly ,i would help you1 
,mr4 ,lingard1 and ,i can do  nothing   
for you4--,i'm afraid your beautiful    
sister thinks me very  forward4 ,but she
 don't know what it is to lie awake all 
night  sometimes1 think-thinking about  
my beautiful brothers and sisters  that 
,i can't get near to do anything for4   
,what an odd creature6 thought ,helen1  
to whom her talk conveyed  next to      

nothing4 --,but ,i daresay they are both
 out of their minds4  ,poor things6 they
 must have a hard time of it with one   
thing and  another6    ,i beg your      
pardon again for talking so much1       
concluded ,rachel1  and1 with a courtesy
 first to the one then to the other1    
walked  away4 ,her gait was no square   
march like her uncle's1 but a sort of   
sidelong propulsion1 rendered more      
laborious by the thick grass of  the    
meadow4              ,,chapter ,,xx4    
,,the ,,blood-,,hound4            ,i    
need not follow the steps by which the  
inquiry-office became able  so far to   
enlighten the mother of ,emmeline       
concerning the person and  habits of the
 visitor to the deserted shaft1 that she
 had now come  to ,glaston in pursuit of
 yet farther discovery concerning him4  
,she  had no plan in her mind1 and as   
yet merely intended going to church  and
 everywhere else where people           
congregated1 in the hope of  something  
turning up to direct inquiry4 ,not a    

suspicion of ,leopold  had ever crossed 
her4 ,she did not even know that he had 
a sister in  ,glaston1 for ,emmeline's  
friends had not all been intimate with  
her  parents4    ,on the morning after  
her arrival1 she went out early to take 
a walk1  and brood over her cherished   
vengeance2 and finding her way into the 
park1 wandered about in it for some     
time4 ,leaving it at length by  another 
gate1 and inquiring the way to ,glaston1
 she was directed to  a footpath which  
would lead her thither across the       
fields4 ,following  this1 she came to a 
stile1 and being rather weary with her  
long  walk1 sat down on it4    ,the day 
was a grand autumnal one4 ,but nature   
had no charms for her4  ,indeed had she 
not been close shut in the gloomy       
chamber of her own  thoughts1 she would 
not thus have walked abroad alone2 for  
nature  was to her a dull1 featureless  
void2 while her past was scarcely of    
the sort to invite retrospection1 and   
her future was clouded4    ,it so fell  

that just then ,leopold was asleep in   
his chair1--every  morning he slept a   
little soon after being carried         
out1--and that  chair was in its usual  
place in the meadow1 with the clump of  
trees  between it and the stile4        
,wingfold was seated in the shade of the
  trees1 but ,helen1 happening to want  
something for her work1 went to  him and
 committed her brother to his care until
 she should return1  whereupon he took  
her place4 ,almost the same moment      
however1 he  spied ,polwarth coming from
 the little door in the fence1 and went 
to  meet him4 ,when he turned1 he saw1  
to his surprise1 a lady standing  beside
 the sleeping youth1 and gazing at him  
with a strange  intentness4 ,polwarth   
had seen her come from the clump of     
trees1 and  supposed her a friend4 ,the 
curate walked hastily back1 fearing he  
might wake and be startled at sight of  
the stranger4 ,so intent was  the gazing
 lady that he was within a few yards of 
her before she  heard him4 ,she started1

 gave one glance at the curate1 and     
hurried  away towards the town4 ,there  
was an agitation in her movements which 
,wingfold did not like2 a suspicion     
crossed his mind1 and he resolved  to   
follow her4 ,in his turn he made over   
his charge to ,polwarth1 and  set off   
after the lady4    ,the moment the eyes 
of ,emmeline's mother fell upon the     
countenance  of ,leopold1 whom1         
notwithstanding the change that         
suffering had  caused1 she recognized at
 once1 partly by the peculiarity of his 
complexion1 the suspicion1 almost       
conviction1 awoke in her that here  was 
the murderer of her daughter4 ,that he  
looked so ill seemed only  to confirm   
the likelihood4 ,her first idea was to  
wake him and see  the effect of her     
sudden presence4 ,finding he was        
attended1 however1  she hurried away to 
inquire in the town and discover all she
 could  about him4    ,a few moments    
after ,polwarth had taken charge of him1
 and while he  stood looking on him     

tenderly1 the youth woke with a start4  
,where is ,helen8 he said4    ,i have   
not seen her4 ,ah1 here she comes6      
,did you find me alone then8    ,mr4    
,wingfold was with you4 ,he gave you up 
to me1 because he had to  go into the   
town4    ,he looked inquiringly at his  
sister as she came up1 and she looked   
in the same way at ,polwarth4    ,i feel
 as if ,i had been lying all alone in   
this wide field1 said  ,leopold1 and as 
if ,emmeline had been by me1 though ,i  
didn't see  her4    ,polwarth looked    
after the two retiring forms1 which were
 now almost  at the end of the meadow1  
and about to issue on the high road4    
,helen followed his look with hers4 ,a  
sense of danger seized her4 ,she        
trembled1 and kept behind ,leopold's    
chair4    ,have you been coughing much  
to-day8 asked the gate-keeper4    ,yes1 
a good deal--before ,i came out4 ,but it
 does not seem to do  much good4        
,what good would you have it do8    ,i  
mean1 it doesn't do much to get it over4

 ,oh1 ,mr4 ,polwarth1 ,i am  so tired6  
,poor fellow6 ,i suppose it looks to you
 as if it would never be  over4 ,but all
 the millions of the dead have got      
through it before  you4 ,i don't know   
that that makes much difference to the  
one who is  going through it4 ,and yet  
it is a sort of company4 ,only1 the     
,lord of  ,life is with you1 and that is
 real company1 even in dying1 when no   
one else can be with you4    ,if ,i     
could only feel he was with me6    ,you 
may feel his presence without knowing   
what it is4    ,i hope it isn't wrong to
 wish it over1 ,mr4 ,polwarth8    ,i    
don't think it is wrong to wish anything
 you can talk to him  about and submit  
to his will4 ,st4 ,paul says1 ',in      
everything let your  requests be made   
known unto ,god4'    ,i sometimes feel  
as if ,i would not ask him for anything1
 but just  let him give me what he      
likes4    ,we must not want to be better
 than is required of us1 for that is  at
 once to grow worse4    ,i don't quite  

understand you4    ,not to ask may seem 
to you a more submissive way1 but ,i    
don't think  it is so childlike4 ,it    
seems to me far better to say1 ',o      
,lord1 ,i  should like this or that1 but
 ,i would rather not have it if thou    
dost not like it also4' ,such prayer    
brings us into conscious and  immediate 
relations with ,god4 ,remember1 our     
thoughts are then1  passing to him1 sent
 by our will into his mind4 ,our ,lord  
taught us  to pray always and not get   
tired of it4 ,god1 however poor         
creatures  we may be1 would have us talk
 to him1 for then he can speak to us    
better than when we turn no face to him4
    ,i wonder what ,i shall do the first
 thing when ,i find myself  out--out1 ,i
 mean1 in the air1 you know4    ,it does
 seem strange we should know so little  
of what is in some  sense so near us6   
that such a thin veil should be so      
impenetrable6 ,i  fancy the first thing 
,i should do would be to pray4    ,then 
you think we shall pray there--wherever 

it is8    ,it seems to me as if ,i      
should go up in prayer the moment ,i got
 out  of this dungeon of a body4 ,i am  
wrong to call it a dungeon1 for it  lies
 open to ,god's fair world1 and the     
loveliness of the earth comes  into me  
through eyes and ears just as well as   
into you4 ,still it is  a pleasant      
thought that it will drop off me some   
day4 ,but for  prayer--,i think all will
 pray there more than here--in their    
hearts  and souls ,i mean4    ,then     
where would be the harm if you were to  
pray for me after ,i am  gone8          
,nowhere that ,i know4 ,it were indeed a
 strange thing if ,i might pray  for you
 up to the moment when you ceased to    
breathe1 and therewith  an iron gate    
close between us1 and ,i could not even 
reach you  through the ear of the       
,father of us both6 ,it is a faithless  
doctrine1 for it supposes either that   
those parted from us can do  without    
prayer1 the thing ,jesus himself could  
not do without1 seeing  it was his      

highest joy1 or that ,god has so parted 
those who are in  him from these who are
 in him1 that there is no longer any    
relation1  even with ,god1 common to    
them4 ,the thing to me takes the form of
 an  absurdity4    ,ah1 then1 pray for  
me when ,i am dying1 and don't be       
careful to stop  when you think ,i am   
gone1 ,mr4 ,polwarth4    ,i will        
remember1 said the little man4    ,and  
now ,helen had recovered herself1 and   
came and took her usual  seat by her    
brother's side4 ,she cast an anxious    
glance now and then  into ,polwarth's   
face1 but dared not ask him anything4   
,,chapter ,,xxi4    ,,the               
,,blood-,,hound ,,traversed4            
,emmeline's mother had not gone far     
before she became aware that she  was   
followed4 ,it was a turning of the      
tables which she did not  relish4 ,as   
would not have been unnatural1 even had 
she been at peace  with all the world1 a
 certain feeling of undefined terror    
came upon  her and threatened to        

overmaster her4 ,it was the more        
oppressive  that she did not choose to  
turn and face her pursuer1 feeling that 
to do so would be to confess            
consciousness of cause4 ,the fate of her
  daughter1 seldom absent from her      
thoughts1 now rose before her in        
association with herself1 and was       
gradually swelling uneasiness into      
terror3 who could tell but this man     
pressing on her heels in the  solitary  
meadow1 and not the poor youth who lay  
dying there in the  chair1 and who might
 indeed be only another of his victims1 
was the  murderer of ,emmeline6         
,unconsciously she accelerated her pace 
until  it was almost a run1 but did not 
thereby widen by a single yard the      
distance between her and the curate4    
,when she came out on the high road1 she
 gave a glance in each  direction1 and1 
avoiding the country1 made for the      
houses4 ,a short  lane led her into     
,pine street4 ,there she felt safe1 the 
more that it  was market-day and a good 

many people about1 and slackened her    
pace1  feeling confident that her       
pursuer1 whoever he was1 would now turn 
aside4 ,but she was disappointed1 for1  
casting a glance over her  shoulder1 she
 saw that he still kept the same        
distance behind her4  ,she saw also1 in 
that single look1 that he was           
well-known1 for  several were saluting  
him at once4 ,what could it mean8 ,it   
must be  the ,g4 ,b4 of the ,temple6    
,should she stop and challenge his      
pursuit8  ,the obstacle to this was a   
certain sinking at the heart accounted  
for by an old memory4 ,she must elude   
him instead4 ,but she did not  know a   
single person in the place1 or one house
 where she could seek  refuge4 ,there   
was an hotel before her6 ,but1          
unattended1 heated1  disordered1 to all 
appearance disreputable1 what account   
could she  give of herself8 ,that she   
had been followed by some one everybody 
knew1 and to whom everybody would       
listen6 ,feebly debating thus with      

herself1 she hurried along the pavement 
of ,pine ,street1 with the  ,abbey      
church before her4    ,the footsteps    
behind her grew louder and quicker3 the 
man had made  up his mind and was coming
 up with her6 ,he might be mad1 or ready
 to  run all risks6 ,probably he knew   
his life at stake through her           
perseverance and determination6    ,on  
came the footsteps1 for the curate had  
indeed made up his mind to  speak to    
her1 and either remove or certify his   
apprehensions4 ,nearer  yet and nearer  
they came4 ,her courage and strength    
were giving way  together1 and she      
should be at his mercy4 ,she darted into
 a shop1  sank on a chair by the        
counter1 and begged for a glass of      
water4 ,a  young woman ran to fetch it1 
while ,mr4 ,drew went upstairs for a    
glass of wine4 ,returning with it he    
came from behind the counter1  and      
approached the lady where she sat       
leaning her head upon it4    ,meantime  
the curate also had entered the shop1   

and placed himself  where he might1     
unseen by her1 await her departure1 for 
he could not  speak to her there4 ,he   
had her full in sight when ,mr4 ,drew   
went up  to her4    ,do me the favour1  
madam1 he said--but said no more4 ,for  
at the  sound of his voice1 the lady    
gave a violent start1 and raising her   
head looked at him4 ,the wine-glass     
dropped from his hand4 ,she gave a      
half-choked cry1 and sped from the shop4
    ,the curate was on the spring after 
her when he was arrested by the  look of
 the draper3 he stood fixed where she   
had left him1 white and  trembling as if
 he had seen a ghost4 ,he went up to    
him1 and said in  a whisper3    ,who is 
she8    ,mrs4 ,drew1 answered the       
draper1 and the curate was after her    
like  a greyhound4    ,a little crowd of
 the shop-people gathered in            
consternation about  their master4      
,pick up those pieces of glass1 and call
 ,jacob to wipe the floor1  he          
said--then walked to the door1 and stood

 staring after the curate  as he all but
 ran to overtake the swiftly gliding    
figure4    ,the woman1 ignorant that her
 pursuer was again upon her track1 and  
hardly any longer knowing what she did1 
hurried blindly towards the  churchyard4
 ,presently the curate relaxed his      
speed1 hoping she would  enter it1 when 
he would have her in a fit place for the
 interview  upon which he was1 if       
possible1 more determined than ever1 now
 that  he had gained1 so unexpectedly1  
such an absolute hold of her4 ,she  must
 be ,emmeline's mother1 he said to      
himself1 --fit mother for  such a       
daughter4 ,the moment he caught sight of
 the visage lifted  from its regard of  
the sleeping youth1 he had suspected the
 fact4 ,he  had not had time to analyze 
its expression1 but there was something 
dreadful in it4 ,a bold question would  
determine the suspicion4    ,she entered
 the churchyard1 saw the ,abbey door    
open1 and hastened to  it4 ,she was in a
 state of bewilderment and terror that  

would have  crazed a weaker woman4 ,in  
the porch she cast a glance behind her3 
there again was her pursuer6 ,she sprang
 into the church4 ,a woman was  dusting 
a pew not far from the door4    ,who is 
that coming8 she asked1 in a tone and   
with a mien that  appalled ,mrs4        
,jenkins4 ,she had but to stretch her   
neck a little to  see through the porch4
    ,why1 it be only the parson1 ma'am6 
she answered4    ,then ,i shall hide    
myself1 over there1 and you must tell   
him ,i went  out by that other door4    
,here's a sovereign for you4    ,i thank
 you1 ma'am1 said ,mrs4 ,jenkins1       
looking wistfully at the  sovereign1    
which was a great sum of money to a     
sexton's wife with  children1 then      
instantly going on with her dusting2 but
 it ain't no  use tryin' of tricks with 
our parson4 ,,he ain't one of your      
,mollies4  ,a man as don't play no      
tricks with hisself1 as ,i heerd a      
gentleman  say1 it ain't no use tryin'  
no tricks with ,,him4    ,almost while  

she spoke1 the curate entered4 ,the     
suppliant drew  herself up1 and         
endeavoured to look both dignified and  
injured4    ,would you oblige me by     
walking this way for a moment8 he said1 
coming straight to her4    ,without a   
word she followed him1 a long way up the
 church1 to the  stone screen which     
divided the chancel from the nave4      
,there1 in  sight of ,mrs4 ,jenkins1 but
 so far off that she could not hear a   
word  said1 he asked her to take a seat 
on the steps that led up to the  door in
 the centre of the screen4 ,again she   
obeyed1 and ,wingfold sat  down near    
her4    ,are you ,emmeline's mother8 he 
said4    ,the gasp1 the expression of   
eye and cheek1 the whole startled       
response of the woman1 revealed that he 
had struck the truth4 ,but  she made no 
answer4    ,you had better be open with 
me1 he said1 for ,i mean to be very     
open with you4    ,she stared at him1   
but either could not1 or would not      
speak4  ,probably it was caution3 she   

must hear more4    ,the curate was      
already excited1 and ,i fear now got a  
little angry1  for the woman was not    
pleasant to his eyes4    ,i want to tell
 you1 he said1 that the poor youth whom 
your  daughter's behaviour made a       
murderer of1--    ,she gave a cry1 and  
turned like ashes4 ,the curate was      
ashamed of  himself4    ,it seems cruel1
 he said1 but it is the truth4 ,i say he
 is now  dying--will be gone after her  
in a few weeks4 ,the same blow killed   
both1 only one has taken longer to die4 
,no end can be served by  bringing him  
to justice4 ,indeed if he were arrested1
 he would but  die on the way to prison4
 ,i have followed you to persuade you1  
if ,i  can1 to leave him to his fate and
 not urge it on4 ,if ever man was       
sorry1 or suffered for his crime1--     
,and pray what is that to me1 sir8 cried
 the avenging mother1 who1  finding     
herself entreated1 straightway became   
arrogant4 ,will it  give me back my     
child8 ,the villain took her precious   

life without  giving her a moment to    
prepare for eternity1 and you ask       
me--her  mother--to let him go free6 ,i 
will not4 ,i have vowed vengeance1 and  
,i will have it4    ,allow me to say    
that if you die in that spirit1 you will
 be far  worse prepared for eternity    
than ,i trust your poor daughter was4   
,what is that to you8 ,if ,i choose to  
run the risk1 it is my  business4 ,i    
tell you it shall not be my fault if the
 wretch is not  brought to the gallows4 
,but he cannot live to reach it4 ,the   
necessary preliminaries would  waste all
 that is left of his life4 ,i only ask  
of you to let him die  in what peace is 
possible to him4 ,we must forgive our   
enemies1 you  know4 ,but indeed he is no
 enemy of yours4    ,no enemy of mine6  
,the man who murdered my child no enemy 
of mine6 ,i  am his enemy then1 and that
 he shall find4 ,if ,i cannot bring him 
to  the gallows1 ,i can at least make   
every man and woman in the country      
point the finger of scorn and hatred at 

him4 ,i can bring him and all  his to   
disgrace and ruin4 ,their pride indeed6 
,they were far too  grand to visit me1  
but not to send a murderer into my      
family4 ,i am  in my rights1 and ,i will
 have justice4 ,we shall see if they are
 too  grand to have a nephew hung6 ,my  
poor lovely innocent6 ,i will have      
justice on the foul villain4 ,cringing  
shall not turn me4    ,her lips were    
white1 and her teeth set4 ,she rose with
 the slow  movement of one whose intent1
 if it had blossomed in passion1 was    
yet rooted in determination1 and turned 
to leave the church4    ,it might hamper
 your proceedings a little1 said        
,wingfold1 if in  the meantime a charge 
of bigamy were brought against yourself1
 ,,mrs4  ,,drew6    ,her back was       
towards the curate1 and for a moment she
 stood like  another pillar of salt4    
,then she began to tremble1 and laid    
hold of  the carved top of a bench4 ,but
 her strength failed her completely2    
she sank on her knees and fell on the   

floor with a deep moan4    ,the curate  
called ,mrs4 ,jenkins and sent her for  
water4 ,with some  difficulty they      
brought her to herself4    ,she rose1   
shuddered1 drew her shawl about her1 and
 said to the  woman1    ,i am sorry to  
give so much trouble4 ,when does the    
next train start  for ,london8          
,within an hour1 answered the curate4 ,i
 will see you safe to it4    ,excuse me2
 ,i prefer going alone4    ,that ,i     
cannot permit4    ,i must go to my      
lodgings first4    ,i will go with you4 
,she cast on him a look of questioning  
hate1 yielded1 and laid two  fingers on 
his offered arm4    ,they walked out of 
the church together and to the cottage  
where1 for  privacy1 she had lodged4    
,there he left her for half an hour1    
and1  yielding to her own necessities   
and not his entreaties1 she took  some  
refreshment4 ,in the glowing sullenness 
of foiled revenge1 the  smoke of which  
was crossed every now and then by a     
flash of hate1  she sat until he        

returned4    ,before ,i go with you to  
the train1 said the curate1             
re-entering1 you must give me your word 
to leave young ,lingard  unmolested4 ,i 
know my friend ,mr4 ,drew has no desire 
to trouble you1  but ,i am equally      
confident that he will do whatever ,i   
ask him4 ,if  you will not promise me1  
from the moment you get into the train  
you  shall be watched4--,do you promise8
    ,she was silent1 with cold gleaming 
eyes1 for a time1 then said1    ,how am 
,i to know that this is not a trick to  
save his life8    ,you saw him2 you     
could see he is dying4 ,i tell you ,i do
 not think  he can live a month4 ,his   
disease is making rapid progress4 ,he   
must  go with the first of the cold     
weather4    ,she could not help         
believing him4    ,i promise1 she said4 
,but you are cruel to compel a mother to
  forgive the villain that stabbed her  
daughter to the heart4    ,if the poor  
lad were not dying1 ,i should see that  
he gave himself  up1 as indeed he set   

out to do some weeks ago1 but was       
frustrated by  his friends4 ,he is dying
 for love of her4 ,i believe ,i say so  
with  truth4 ,pity and love and remorse 
and horror of his deed have brought  him
 to the state you saw him in4 ,to be    
honest with you1 he might  have got     
better enough to be tortured for a while
 in a madhouse1 for  no jury would have 
brought him in anything but insane at   
the time1  with the evidence that would 
have been adduced2 but in his anxiety   
to see me one day--for his friends at   
that time did not favour my  visits1    
because ,i encouraged him to            
surrender--he got out of the  house     
alone to come to me1 but fainted in the 
churchyard1 and lay on  the damp earth  
for the better part of an hour1 ,i      
fancy1 before we  found him4 ,still1 had
 it not been for the state of his mind1 
he  might have got over that too4--,as  
you hope to be forgiven1 you must       
forgive him4    ,he held out his hand to
 her4 ,she was a little softened1 and   

gave him  hers4    ,allow me one word   
more1 said the curate1 and then we shall
 go3  ,our crimes are friends that will 
hunt us either to the bosom of ,god1  or
 the pit of hell4    ,she looked down1  
but her look was still sullen and proud4
    ,the curate rose1 took up her bag1  
went with her to the station1 got  her  
ticket1 and saw her off4    ,then he    
hastened back to ,drew1 and told him the
 whole story4    ,poor woman6 said her  
husband4 --,but ,god only knows how much
 ,i  am to blame for all this4 ,if ,i   
had behaved better to her she might     
never have left me1 and your poor young 
friend would now be well and  happy4    
,perhaps consuming his soul to a cinder 
with that odious drug1 said  ,wingfold4 
',tis true1 as ,edgar in ,king ,lear    
says3        ,the gods are just1        
and of our pleasant vices      ,make    
instruments to plague us2    but he     
takes our sins on himself1 and while he 
drives them out of us  with a whip of   
scorpions he will yet make them work his

 ends4 ,he  defeats our sins1 makes them
 prisoners1 forces them into the service
  of good1 chains them like             
galley-slaves to the rowing-benches of  
the  gospel-ship1 or sets them like ugly
 gurgoyles or corbels or brackets  in   
the walls of his temples4--,no1 that    
last figure ,i retract4 ,i  don't like  
it4 ,it implies their continuance4      
,poor woman6 said ,mr4 ,drew again1 who 
for once had been inattentive  to the   
curate4 ,well6 she is sorely punished   
too4    ,she will be worse punished yet1
 said the curate1 if ,i can read  the   
signs of character4 ,,she is not        
repentant yet--though ,i did spy  in her
 just once a touch of softening4    ,it 
is an awful retribution1 said the       
draper1 and ,i may yet have  to bear my 
share--,god help me6    ,i suspect it is
 the weight of her own crime that makes 
her so  fierce to avenge her daughter4  
,i doubt if anything makes one so       
unforgiving as guilt unrepented of4     
,well1 ,i must try to find out where she

 is1 and keep an eye upon  her4    ,that
 will be easy enough4 ,but why8         
,because1 if1 as you think1 there is    
more evil in store for her1 ,i  may yet 
have it in my power to do her some      
service4--,i wonder if ,mr4  ,polwarth  
would call that ,,divine ,,service1 he  
added1 with one of his  sunny smiles4   
,indeed he would1 answered the curate4  
,,chapter ,,xxii4    ,,the ,,bedside4   
,george ,bascombe1 when he went to      
,paris1 had no thought of deserting     
,helen4 ,but he had good ground for     
fearing that it might be ruinous  both  
to ,lingard and himself to undertake his
 defence4 ,from ,paris he  wrote often  
to ,helen1 and she replied--not so      
often1 yet often  enough to satisfy him2
 and as soon as she was convinced that  
,leopold  could not recover1 she let him
 know1 whereupon he instantly began  his
 preparations for returning4    ,before 
he came1 the weather had changed once   
more4 ,it was now cold1  and the cold   
had begun at once to tell upon the      

invalid4 ,there are  some natures to    
which cold1 moral1 spiritual1 or        
physical1 is  lethal1 and ,lingard's was
 of the class4 ,when the dying leaves   
began  to shiver in the breath of the   
coming winter1 the very brightness of   
the sun to look gleamy1 and nature to   
put on the unfriendly aspect  of a world
 not made for living in but for shutting
 out--when all  things took the turn of 
reminding man that his life lay not in  
them1  ,leopold began to shrink and     
withdraw4 ,he could not face the ghastly
  persistence of the winter1 which would
 come1 let all the souls of  the        
summer-nations shrink and protest as    
they might2 let them creep  shivering to
 ,hades2 he would have his day4    ,his 
sufferings were now considerable1 but he
 never complained4  ,restless and       
fevered and sick at heart1 it was yet   
more from the  necessity of a lovely    
nature than from any virtue of will that
 he  was so easy to nurse1 accepting so 
readily all ministrations4 ,never       

exacting and never refusing1 he was     
always gently grateful1 giving a  sort  
of impression that he could have been   
far more thankful had he  not known the 
object of the kindnesses so unworthy4   
,next to  ,wingfold's and his sister's1 
the face he always welcomed most was    
that of the gate-keeper--indeed ,i ought
 hardly to say ,,next to  theirs2 for if
 the curate was to him as a brother1    
,polwarth was like  a father in ,christ4
 ,he came every day1 and every day1     
almost till  that of his departure1     
,leopold had something to ask him about 
or  something to tell him4    ,i am     
getting so stupid1 ,mr4 ,polwarth6 he   
said once4 ,it troubles  me much4 ,i    
don't seem to care for anything now4 ,i 
don't want to hear  the ,new ,testament3
 ,i would rather hear a child's         
story--something  that did not want     
thinking about4 ,if ,i am not coughing1 
,i am  content4 ,i could lie for hours  
and hours and never think more than     
what goes creeping through my mind no   

faster than a canal in  ,holland4 ,when 
,i am coughing1--,i don't think about   
anything then  either--only long for the
 fit to be over and let me back again   
into  ,sleepy ,hollow4 ,all my past life
 seems to be gone from me4 ,i don't     
care about it4 ,even my crime looks like
 something done ages ago4 ,i  know it is
 mine1 and ,i would rather it were not  
mine1 but it is as  if a great cloud had
 come and swept away the world in which 
it took  place4 ,i am afraid sometimes  
that ,i am beginning not to care even   
about that4 ,i say to myself1 ,i shall  
be sorry again by and by1 but ,i  can't 
think about it now4 ,i feel as if ,i had
 handed it over to ,god  to lay down    
where ,i should find it again when ,i   
was able to think  and be sorry4        
,this was a long utterance for him to   
make1 but he had spoken slowly1  and    
with frequent pauses4 ,polwarth did not 
speak once1 feeling that  a dying man   
must be allowed to ease his mind after  
his own fashion1  and take as much time 

to it as he pleased4 ,helen and         
,wingfold both  would have told him he  
must not tire himself1 but that         
,polwarth  never did4 ,the dying should 
not have their utterances checked1 or   
the feeling of not having finished      
forced upon them4 ,they will  always    
have plenty of the feeling without that4
    ,a fit of coughing compelled him to 
break off1 and when it was over1  he lay
 panting and weary1 but with his large  
eyes questioning the  face of ,polwarth4
 ,then the little man spoke4    ,he must
 give us every sort of opportunity for  
trusting him1 he  said4 ,the one he now 
gives you1 is this dulness that has come
 over  you4 ,trust him through it1      
submitting to it and yet trusting       
against  it1 and you get the good of it4
 ,in your present state perhaps you     
cannot even try to bring about by force 
of will any better state of  feeling or 
higher intellectual condition2 but you  
can say to ,god  something like this3   
,see1 ,lord1 ,i am dull and stupid1 and 

care for  nothing3 take thou care of    
everything for me1 heart and mind and   
all4 ,i leave all to thee4 ,wilt thou   
not at length draw me out of  this my   
frozen wintery state8 ,let me not shrink
 from fresh life and  thought and duty1 
or be unready to come out of the shell  
of my  sickness when thou sendest for   
me4 ,i wait thy will4 ,i wait even the  
light that ,i feel now as if ,i dared   
not encounter for weariness of  body and
 faintness of spirit4    ,ah6 cried     
,leopold1 there you have touched it6    
,how can you know so  well what ,i feel8
    ,because ,i have often had to fight 
hard to keep death to his own  province1
 and not let him cross over into my     
spirit4    ,alas6 ,i am not fighting at 
all2 ,i am only letting things go4      
,you are fighting more than you know1 ,i
 suspect1 for you are  enduring1 and    
that patiently4 ,suppose ,jesus were to 
knock at the  door now1 and it was      
locked2 suppose you knew it was he1 and 
there  was no one in the room to open it

 for him2 suppose you were as weak  as  
you are now1 and seemed to care as      
little about him or anything  else3 what
 would you do8    ,leopold looked half  
amazed1 as if wondering what his friend 
could be  driving at with such a        
question4    ,what else could ,i do but 
get up and open it8 he said4    ,would  
you not be tempted to lie still and wait
 till some one came4    ,no4    ,would  
you not say in your heart1 ',the ,lord  
knows ,i am very weak1  and ,i should   
catch cold1 and the exertion would make 
me cough  dreadfully1 and he won't mind 
if ,i lie still8'    ,that ,i wouldn't6 
,what should ,i care what came to me8   
,what would it  matter so long as ,i got
 one look at him6 ,besides1 if he didn't
 want  me to get up1 he wouldn't knock4 
,but suppose you knew that the moment   
you turned the key you would  drop down1
 and when the ,lord came in you would   
not see him4    ,i can't think where you
 want to take me1 ,mr4 ,polwarth6 said  
the  youth4 ,even if ,i knew ,i should  

drop dead the moment ,i got out on  the 
floor1 what would it matter6 ,i should  
get to him the sooner  then1 and tell   
him why ,i didn't open the door4 ,can   
you suppose for a  moment ,i should let 
any care for this miserable body of mine
 come  between my eyes and the face of  
my ,lord8    ,you see then that you do  
care about him a little1 though a minute
  ago you didn't think it6 ,there are   
many feelings in us that are not  able  
to get up stairs the moment we call     
them4 ,be as dull and stupid  as it     
pleases ,god to let you be1 and trouble 
neither yourself nor  him about that1   
only ask him to be with you all the     
same4    ,the little man dropped on his 
knees by the bedside1 and said1    ,o   
,lord ,jesus1 be near when it seems to  
us1 as it seemed to thee  once1 that our
 ,father has forsaken us1 and gathered  
back to himself  all the gifts he once  
gave us4 ,even thou who wast mighty in  
death1  didst need the presence of thy  
,father to make thee able to endure3    

forget not us the work of thy hands1    
yea1 the labour of thy heart  and       
spirit4 ,o remember that we are his     
offspring1 neither  accountable for our 
own being1 nor able to comfort or       
strengthen  ourselves4 ,if thou wert to 
leave us alone1 we should cry out upon  
thee as on the mother who threw her     
babes to the wolves--and there  are no  
wolves able to terrify thee4 ,ah ,lord6 
we know thou leavest us  not1 only in   
our weakness we would comfort our hearts
 with the music  of the words of faith4 
,thou canst not do other than care for  
us1  ,lord ,christ1 for whether we be   
glad or sorry1 slow of heart or full  of
 faith1 all the same are we the children
 of thy ,father4 ,he sent us  here1 and 
never asked us if we would2 therefore   
thou must be with  us1 and give us      
repentance and humility and love and    
faith1 that we  may indeed be the       
children of thy ,father who is in       
heaven4 ,amen4    ,while ,polwarth was  
yet praying1 the door had opened gently 

behind  him1 and ,helen1 not knowing    
that he was there1 had entered with     
,bascombe4 ,he neither heard their      
entrance1 nor saw the face of  disgust  
that ,george made behind his back4 ,what
 was in ,bascombe's  deepest soul who   
shall tell8 ,of that region he himself  
knew nothing4  ,it was a silent1 holy   
place into which he had never yet       
entered--  therefore lonely and deserted
 as the top of ,sinai after the cloud   
had departed4 ,no--,i will not say that3
 who knows what is where man  cannot or 
will not look8 ,if ,george had sought   
there1 perhaps he  might have found     
traces of a presence not yet altogether 
vanished4  ,in what he called and       
imagined his deeepest soul1 however1 all
 he  was now conscious of was a perfect 
loathing of the monstrous  superstition 
so fitly embodied before him4 ,the      
prayer of the  kneeling absurdity was to
 him an audacious mockery of the        
infrangible laws of ,nature3 this hulk  
of misshapen pottery actually  presuming

 to believe that an invisible individual
 heard what he said  because he crooked 
his hinges to say it6 ,it did not occur 
to ,george  that the infrangible laws of
 ,nature she had herself from the very  
first so agonizingly broken to the poor 
dwarf1 she had been to him  such a cruel
 step-mother1 that he was in evil case  
indeed if he  could find no father to   
give him fair play and a chance of the  
endurable4 ,was he so much to blame if  
he felt the annihilation  offered by    
such theorists as ,george1 not          
altogether a satisfactory  counterpoise 
either to its existence or its loss8    
,if1 even1 he were  to fancy in his     
trouble that the old fable of an elder  
brother1  something more humble than    
grand handsome ,george ,bascombe and    
more  ready to help his little brothers 
and sisters1 might be true1 seeing  that
 an old story is not necessarily a false
 one1 and were to try  after the hints  
it gave1 surely in his condition such   
folly1 however  absurd to a man of      

,george ,bascombe's endowments1 might of
 the more  gifted ephemeros be pardoned 
if not pitied4 ,nor will ,i assert that 
he was altogether unaware of any        
admixture of the sad with the  ludicrous
 when he saw the amorphous agglomerate  
of human shreds and  patches kneeling by
 the bedside of the dying murderer1 to  
pray some  comfort into his passing     
soul4 ,but his gorge rose at the        
nonsense  and stuff of it1 while through
 ,helen ran a cold shudder of disgust   
at the familiarity and irreverence of   
the little spiritual prig4    ,how many 
of the judgments we are told not to     
judge and yet do judge1  must make the  
angels of the judging and the judged    
turn and look at  each other and smile a
 sad smile1 ere they set themselves to  
forget  that which so sorely needs to be
 forgotten4    ,polwarth rose from his  
knees unaware of a hostile presence4    
,leopold1 he said1 taking his hand1 ,i  
would gladly1 if ,i might1  walk with   
you through the shadow4 ,but the heart  

of all hearts will  be with you4 ,rest  
in your tent a little while1 which is   
indeed the  hollow of the ,father's hand
 turned over you1 with your strong      
brother watching the door4 ,your        
imagination cannot go beyond the  truth 
of him who is the ,father of lights1 or 
of him who is the ,elder  ,brother of   
men4    ,leopold answered only with his 
eyes4 ,polwarth turned to go1 and saw   
the on-lookers4 ,they stood between him 
and the door1 but parted and  made room 
for him to pass4 ,neither spoke4 ,he    
made a bow first to one  and then to the
 other1 looking up in the face of each1 
unabashed by  smile or scorn or blush of
 annoyance1 but ,george took no notice1 
walking straight to the bed the moment  
the way was clear4 ,helen's  conscience1
 however1 or heart1 smote her1 and1     
returning his bow1  she opened the door 
for her brother's friend4 ,he thanked   
her1 and  went his way4    ,poor dear   
fellow6 said ,george kindly1 and stroked
 the thin hand  laid in his3 can ,i do  

anything for you8    ,nothing but be    
good to ,helen when ,i am gone1 and tell
 her now and  then that ,i'm not dead1  
but living in the hope of seeing her    
again  one day before long4 ,she might  
forget sometimes--not me1 but that1  you
 know4    ,yes1 yes1 ,i'll see to it1   
answered ,george1 in the evil tone of   
one  who faithfully promises a child an 
impossibility4 ,of course there  was no 
more harm in lying to a man who was just
 on the verge of  being a man no more1  
and becoming only an unpleasant mass of 
chemicals1 which a whole ant-heap of    
little laws would presently be  carrying
 outside the gates of the organic1 than 
there had been in  lying to him when he 
supposed him a madman4 ,neither could   
anyone  blame him for inconsistency2 for
 had he not always said in the  goodness
 of his heart1 that he would never      
disturb the faith of old  people drawing
 nigh their end1 because such no more   
possessed the  needful elasticity of    
brain to accommodate themselves to the  

subversion of previous modes of feeling 
and thought1 unavoidable to  the        
adoption of his precious revelation4    
,precious he did believe it1  never     
having himself one of those visions of  
infinite hope1 which1  were his theory  
once proved as true as he imagined it1  
must then  indeed vanish for ever4      
,do you suffer much8 asked ,george4     
,yes--a good deal4    ,pain8    ,not so 
much2--sometimes4 ,the weakness is the  
worst4 ,but it doesn't  matter3 ,god is 
with me4    ,what good does that do you8
 asked ,george1 forgetting himself1 half
  in contempt1 half in a curiosity which
 he would have called1 and  which       
perhaps was1 scientific4    ,but        
,leopold took it in good faith1 and     
answered1    ,it sets it all right1 and 
makes me able to be patient4    ,george 
laid down the hand he held1 and turned  
sadly to ,helen1 but  said nothing4     
,the next moment ,wingfold entered4     
,helen kissed the dying hand1 and  left 
the room with ,george4                  

,,chapter ,,xxiii4    ,,the ,,garden4   
,tenderly he led her into the garden1   
and down the walks now bare of          
bordering flowers4 ,to ,helen it looked 
like a graveyard2 the dry  bushes were  
the memorials of the buried flowers1 and
 the cypress and  box trees rose like   
the larger monuments of shapely stone4  
,the day  was a cold leaden one1 that   
would have rained if it could1 to get   
rid of the deadness at its heart1 but no
 tears came4 ,to the  summer-house they 
went1 under the cedar1 and sat down4    
,neither spoke  for some time4    ,poor 
,leopold6 said ,george at length1 and   
took ,helen's hand4    ,she burst into  
tears1 and again for some time neither  
spoke4    ,george1 ,i can't bear it6 she
 said at length4    ,it is very sad1    
answered ,george4 ,but he had a happy   
life1 ,i don't  doubt1 up to--to--      
,what does that matter now8 ,it is all a
 horrible farce4--,to begin so  fair and
 lovely1 and end so stormy and cold and 
miserable6    ,george did not like to   

say what he thought1 namely1 that it was
  ,leopold's own doing4 ,he did not see 
that therein lay the deepest  depth of  
the misery--the thing that of all things
 needed help3 all  else might be borne2 
the less that ,,could be borne the      
better4    ,it ,,is horrible1 he said4  
,but what can be done8 ,what's done is  
done1 and nobody can help it4    ,there 
should be somebody to help it1 said     
,helen4    ,ah6 ,should be6 said        
,george4 --,well1 it's a comfort it will
 soon  be over6    ,is it8 returned     
,helen almost sharply4 --,but he's not  
your  brother1 and you don't know what  
it is to lose him6 ,oh1 how desolate    
the world will be without my darling6   
,and again her tears found way4    ,all 
that ,i can do to make up for the loss1 
dearest ,helen1 said  ,george1--    ,oh 
,george6 she cried1 starting to her     
feet1 is there ,,no hope8 ,i  don't mean
 of his getting better--that we do know 
the likelihoods  of--but is there no    
hope of ,,some ,,time seeing him again8 

,we know so  little about all of it6    
,,might there not be some way8    ,but  
,george was too honest in himself1 and  
too true to his  principles1 to pretend 
anything to ,helen4 ,hers was an        
altogether  different case from         
,leopold's4 ,here was a young woman full
 of health  and life and hope1 with all 
her joys before her6 ,many suns must set
  before her sun would go down1 many    
pale moons look lovely in her  eyes1 ere
 came those that would mock her with    
withered memories--a  whole hortus      
siccus of passion-flowers4 ,why should  
he lie to ,,her of  a hope beyond the   
grave8 ,let the pleasures of the world  
be the  dearer to her for the knowledge 
that they must so soon depart2 let  love
 be the sweeter for the mournful thought
 that it is a thing of  the summer1 and 
that when the winter comes it shall be  
no more6 ,but  perhaps ,george forgot   
one point4 ,i will allow that the       
insects of a  day1 dying in a moment of 
delightful fruition1 are blessed2 but   

when  the delicate ,psyche1 with her    
jewel-feathered wings1 is beat about  by
 a wind full of rain until she lies     
draggled in the dirt2 when  there are no
 more flowers1 or if there be1 the joy  
of her hovering  is over1 and yet death 
comes but slowly2 when the mourners are 
going  about the streets ere ever the   
silver cord is loosed2 when the past    
looks a mockery and the future a        
blank2--then perhaps1 even to the       
correlatives of the most triumphant     
natural selection1 it may not  merely   
seem as if something were wrong         
somewhere1 but even as if  there ought  
to be somebody to set wrong right4 ,if  
,psyche should be  so subdued to        
circumstance as to accept without       
question her  supposed fate1 then doubly
 woe for ,psyche6    ,but if ,george    
could not lie1 it was not necessary for 
him to speak  the truth3 silence was    
enough4 ,a moment of it was all ,helen  
could  endure4 ,she rose hastily1 left  
the wintered summer-house1 and walked   

back to the sick-chamber4 ,george       
followed a few paces behind1 so far     
quenched that he did not overtake her to
 walk by her side1 feeling  he had no   
aid to offer her4 ,doubtless he could   
have told her of help  at hand1 but it  
was help that must come1 that could     
neither be given  nor taken1 would not  
come the sooner for any prayer1 and     
indeed  would not begin to exist until  
the worst should be over3 the nearest   
,george came to belief in a saving      
power1 was to console himself with  the 
thought that ,,time would do everything 
for ,helen4              ,,chapter      
,,xxiv4    ,,the ,,departure4           
,as ,leopold slowly departed1 he seemed 
to his sister to draw along  with him   
all that was precious in her life4 ,she 
felt herself grow  dull and indifferent4
 ,it was to no purpose that she         
upbraided  herself with heartlessness2  
seemingly heartless her bosom remained4 
,it was not that her mind was occupied  
with anything else than her  brother1 or

 drew comfort from another source2 her  
feelings appeared  to be dying with him 
who had drawn them forth more than any  
other4  ,the battle was ending without  
even the poor pomp and circumstance of  
torn banners and wailful music4         
,leopold said very little during the    
last few days4 ,his fits1 of  coughing  
were more frequent1 and in the pauses he
 had neither  strength nor desire to    
speak4 ,when ,helen came to his bedside1
 he  would put out his hand to her1 and 
she would sit down by him and  hold it  
warm in hers4 ,the hand of his sister   
was the point of the  planet from which1
 like his mount of ascension1 the spirit
 of the  youth took its departure2--when
 he let that go1 he was gone4 ,but he   
died asleep1 as so many do2 and fancied1
 ,i presume1 that he was  waking into   
his old life1 when he woke into his new 
one4    ,wingfold stood on the other    
side of the bed1 with ,polwarth by him1 
for so had the departing wished it1 and 
although he made no sign1 ,i  cannot but

 think he reaped some content therefrom4
 ,while yet he  lingered1 one of        
,helen's listless1 straying glances was 
arrested by  the countenance of the     
gate-keeper4 ,it was so still and so    
rapt that  she thought he must be seeing
 within the veil1 and regarding what    
things were awaiting her brother on the 
reverse of the two-sided  wonder4 ,but  
it was not so4 ,polwarth saw no more    
than she did3 he was  ,,only standing in
 the presence of him who is not the ,god
 of the  dead but of the living4        
,whatever lay in that ,will was the life
 of  whatever came of that ,will1 that  
is1 of every creature1 and no to  that  
,will1 to the face of the ,father1 he   
lifted1 in his prayerful  thought1 the  
heart and mind and body of the youth now
 passing  through the birth of death4 ,i
 know not1 he would have said1 had he   
been questioned concerning his spiritual
 attitude1 how my prayer  should for    
another work anything with the perfect  
,giver1 but at  least ,i will not leave 

my friend behind when ,i go into the    
presence  of his ,father and my ,father4
 ,and ,i believe there is something in  
it  ,i cannot yet see4    ,wingfold's   
anxiety was all for ,helen4 ,he could do
 no more for  ,leopold1 nor did he need 
more from man4 ,as to many of the things
  that puzzled them most1 he was on his 
way to know more2 he would  soon be in  
the heart of what seemed likely to      
remain a long secret  to him4 ,but there
 was his sister1 about to be left behind
 him  without his hopes2 for her were   
dreary days at hand2 and the curate     
prayed the ,god of comfort and          
consolation to visit her4    ,mrs4      
,ramshorn would now and then look in at 
the noiseless door of  the chamber of   
death1 but she rightly felt her presence
 was not  desired1 and though ready to  
help1 did not enter4 ,neither did       
,george--not from heartlessness1 but    
that he judged it better to  leave the  
priests of falsehood undisturbed in the 
exercise of their  miserable office4    

,what did it matter how many comforting 
lies were  told to a dying man8 ,what   
,,could it matter8 ,there was small     
danger of  their foolish prayers and    
superstitious ceremonies evoking a deity
  from the well-ordered1 self-evolved   
sphericity of interacting law1  where   
not a pin-hole of failure afforded space
 out of which he might  creep4 ,no more 
could they deprive the poor lad of the  
bliss of  returning into the absolute   
nothingness whence he had crept--to     
commit a horrible crime against immortal
 society1 and creep back  again1 with a 
heart full of love and remorse and      
self-abhorrence1  into the black abyss4 
,therefore1 why should he not let them  
tell  their lies and utter their silly  
incantations8 ,aloof and unharmed he    
stood1 safe on the shore1 all ready to  
reach the rescuing hand to  ,helen1 the 
moment she should turn her eyes to him1 
for the help she  knew he had to give   
her4 ,certainly1 for her sake1 he would 
rather  she were not left unprotected to

 such subtle and insinuating            
influences2 but with the power of his   
mind upon her good sense1 he  had no    
fear of the result4 ,not that he        
expected her to submit at  once to the  
wholesome regimen and plain diet he must
 prescribe her3  the soft hand of ,time 
must first draw together the edges of   
her  heart's wound4    ,but the deadness
 of ,helen's feelings1 the heartlessness
 because of  which she cried out against
 herself1 seemed1 in a vague way1 by    
herself unacknowledged yet felt1 if not 
caused by1 yet associated  with some    
subtle radiation from the being of      
,george ,bascombe4 ,that  very morning  
when he came into the breakfast-room so 
quietly that  she had not heard him1    
and1 looking up1 saw him unexpectedly1  
he  seemed for a moment1 she could not  
tell why1 the dull fountain of  all the 
miserable feeling--not of loss1 but of  
no loss1 which  pressed her heart flat  
in her bosom4 ,the next moment she      
accused  herself of the grossest        

injustice1 attributing it to the        
sickness of  soul which the shadow of   
death had wrought in her2 for was not   
,george the only true friend she had    
ever had8 ,if she lost him she  must be 
lonely indeed6--,the feeling lingered   
notwithstanding1 and  when she thought  
it dispelled1 began to gather again     
immediately4    ,at the same time she   
shrunk from ,wingfold as hard and       
unsympathetic4  ,true he had been most  
kind1 even tender1 to her brother1 but  
to him  he had taken a fancy1 having    
found in him one whom he could work     
upon and fashion to his own liking3 poor
 ,poldie had never been one  of the     
strongest of men4 ,but to her1 whom he  
could not model after  his own ideas1   
who required a reason for the thing     
anyone would have  her believe--to her  
he had shown the rough side of his      
nature1 going  farther than any         
gentleman ought1 even if he was a       
clergyman1 in  criticizing her conduct4 
,he might well take example of her      

cousin  ,george6 ,what a different sort 
of artillery ,,he had brought to bear   
upon the outstanding fortress of her    
convictions6    ,so would she say within
 herself1 again and again1 in different 
forms1 not knowing how little of        
conviction there was in the  conclusions
 she seemed to come to--how much of old 
habit and  gratitude on the one hand1   
and pride and resentment upon the       
other4-,and there still was that        
feeling6 she could not drive it  away4  
,it was like trying to disperse a fog   
with a fan4    ,the outside weather1    
although she was far past heeding that1 
was in  harmony with her soul's weather4
 ,a dull dark-grey fog hung from the    
sky1 and without much obscuring the     
earth altogether hid the sun4  ,the air 
was very cold4 ,there was neither joy   
nor hope anywhere4 ,the  bushes were    
leafless and budless1 the summer gone1  
the spring not  worth hoping for1       
because it also would go3 spring after  
spring  came--for nothing but to go     

again6 ,things were so empty and        
wretched  that pain and grief1 almost   
fear itself1 would have been welcome4   
,the world around her1 yes1 all her     
life1 all herself1 was but the  cold    
dead body of a summer-world4 ,and       
,leopold was going to be buried  with   
the summer4 ,his smiles had all gone    
with the flowers4 ,the weeds  of his    
troubles were going also1 for they would
 die with him4 ,but he  would not know  
it and be glad1 any more than she1 who  
was left  caring for neither summer nor 
winter1 joy nor sorrow1 love nor hate1  
the past nor the future4    ,many such  
thoughts wandered hazily through her    
mind as she now sat  holding the hand of
 him who was fast sleeping away from her
 into  death4 ,her eyes were fixed on   
the window through which he had  entered
 that terrible night1 but she saw       
nothing beyond it4    ,he is gone said  
,polwarth in a voice that sounded       
unknown to the  ears of ,helen1 and as  
he spoke he kneeled4    ,she started up 

with a cry1 and looked in her brother's 
face4 ,she had  never seen anyone die1  
and yet she saw that he was dead4       
,,chapter ,,xxv4    ,,the ,,sunset4     
,how the terrible time1 terrible for its
 very dulness and  insensibility1 passed
 until it brought the funeral1 ,helen   
could not  have told4 ,it seemed to her1
 as she looked back upon it1 a bare     
blank1 yet was the blank full of a waste
 weariness of heart4 ,the  days were all
 one1 outside and inside4 ,her heart was
 but a lonely  narrow bay to the sea of 
cold immovable fog that filled the      
world4  ,no one tried to help1 no one   
indeed knew her trouble4 ,everyone took 
it for grief at the loss of her brother1
 while to herself it was the  oppression
 of a life that had not even the        
interest of pain4 ,the  curate had of   
course called to inquire after her1 but 
had not been  invited to enter4 ,george 
had been everywhere with help1 but had  
no  word to speak4    ,the day of the   
funeral came1 in thin fog and dull cold4

 ,the few  friends gathered4 ,the body  
was borne to the ,abbey4 ,the curate    
received it at the gate in the name of  
the church--which takes our  children in
 its arms1 and our bodies into its      
garden--save indeed  where her gardener 
is some foolish priest who knows not the
 heart of  his mother1 and will pick and
 choose among her dead2--the lovely     
words of the last-first of the apostles1
 were read2 and earth was  given back to
 earth1 to mingle with the rest of the  
stuff the great  workman works withal4  
,cold was ,helen's heart1 cold her body1
 cold  her very being4 ,the earth1 the  
air1 the mist1 the very light was  cold4
 ,the past was cold1 the future yet     
colder4 ,she would have  grudged        
,leopold his lonely rest in the grave1  
but that she had not  feeling enough    
even for that4 ,her life seemed         
withering away from  her1 like an autumn
 flower in the frosts of winter2 and    
she1 as if  she had been but a flower1  
did not seem to care4 ,what was life    

worth1 when it had not strength to      
desire even its own continuance8        
,heartless she returned from the grave1 
careless of ,george's mute  attentions1 
not even scornful of her aunt's shallow 
wail over the  uncertainty of life and  
all things human1--so indifferent to the
  whole misery that she walked straight 
up to the room1 hers once  more1 from   
which the body had just been carried1   
and which1 for so  many many weary      
weeks1 had been the centre of loving    
pain1 sometimes  agony4 ,once more she  
was at peace--but what a peace6    ,she 
took off her cloak and bonnet1 laid them
 on the bed1 went to the  window1 sat   
down1 and gazed1 hardly seeing1 out on  
the cold garden  with its sodden earth1 
its leafless shrubs1 and perennial trees
 of  darkness and mourning4 ,the meadow 
lay beyond1 and there she did see  the  
red cow busily feeding1 and was         
half-angry with her4 ,beyond the  meadow
 stood the trees1 with the park behind  
them4 ,and yet further  behind lay the  

hollow with the awful house in its      
bosom1 its dismal  haunted lake and its 
ruined garden4 ,but nothing moved her4  
,she could  have walked over every room 
in that house without a single quaver of
  the praecordia4 ,poldie was dead1 but 
was it not well8 ,even if he had  not   
been in trouble1 what should his death  
matter8 ,she would die  soon herself and
 for ever3 what did that or anything    
else matter8  ,might she but keep this  
dulness of spirit1 and never more wake  
to  weep foolish tears over an existence
 the whole upstanding  broad-based fact 
of which was not worth one drop in the  
rivers of  weeping that had been flowing
 ever since the joyless birth of this   
unconceived1 ill-fated1 unfathered      
world6 ,to the hour of death  belonged  
jubilation and not mourning2 the hour of
 birth was the hour  of sorrow4 ,back to
 the darkness6 was the cry of a life    
whose very  being was an injury1 only   
there was no one to have done the       
injury4    ,thus she sat until she was  

summoned to dinner--early for the sake  
of  the friends whose home lay at a     
distance4 ,she ate and drank and took   
her share in the talk as matter of      
course1 believing all at the  table     
would judge her a heartless creature1   
and careless of what  they might think  
or say4 ,but they judged her more kindly
 and more  truly than she judged        
herself4 ,they saw through her eyes the 
deeps  whose upward ducts were choked   
with the frost of an unknown despair4   
,no sooner was she at liberty than again
 she sought her room1 not  consciously  
from love to her brother who had died   
there1 but because  the deadness of her 
heart chose a fitting loneliness3 and   
again she  seated herself at the window4
    ,the dreary day was drawing to a    
close1 and the night1 drearier it  could
 not be1 was at hand4 ,the gray had     
grown darker1 and she sat  like one     
waiting for the night like a monster    
coming to claim its  own and swallow her
 up4    ,something--was it an invasion  

of reviving light8 caused her to lift   
her eyes4 ,away1 sideways from her      
window1 in the west1 the mist had       
cleared a little--somewhere about the   
sun4 ,thinner and thinner it  grew4 ,no 
sun came forth3 he was already down2 but
 a canopy of faint  amber grew visible1 
stretched above his tomb4 ,it was the   
stuff of  which sad smiles are made1 not
 a thing that belonged to gladness4     
,but only he who has lost his sorrow    
without regaining his joy1 can  tell how
 near sorrow lieth to joy4 ,who that has
 known the dull paths  of listless      
no-feeling1 would not have his sorrow   
back with all its  attendant agonies8   
,the pale amber spread1 dilute with     
light1 and beneath it lay the  gray of  
the fog1 and above it the dark blue of  
cloud--not of sky4  ,the soul of it was 
so still1 so resigned1 so sad1 so       
forsaken1 that  she who had thought her 
heart gone from her1 suddenly felt its  
wells  were filling1 and soon they      
overflowed4 ,she wept4 ,at what8 ,a     

colour  in the sky6 ,was there then a   
,god that knew sadness--and was that a  
banner of grief he hung forth to comfort
 the sorrowful with  sympathy8 ,or was  
it but a godless colour which the heart 
varnished  with its own grief8 ,or if   
the human heart came from nothing and   
was  sad1 why might not the aspects of  
nature come from nothing and be  sad    
too--wrought in harmony with the        
unutterable woe of humanity8  ,then     
either is man the constructive centre of
 the world1 and its  meanings are but   
his own face looking back upon him from 
the mirror  of his own projected        
atmosphere1 and comfort there is none2  
or he is  not the centre of the world1  
which yet carries in its forms and      
colours the aspects of his mind2 and    
then1 horror of horrors6 is man  the one
 conscious point and object of a vast   
derision--insentient  nature grinning at
 sentient man6 rose or saffron1 his sky 
but mocks  and makes mows at him2 while 
he himself is the worst mockery of all1 

being at once that which mocks and that 
which not only is mocked but  writhes in
 agony under the mockery4 ,such as      
,bascombe reply that they  find it not  
so4 ,i answer--,for the best of reasons1
 that it is not  so4    ,helen's doubts 
did not stay her weeping1 as doubt      
generally does2  for the sky with its   
sweet sadness was before her1 and deep  
in her  heart a lake of tears1 which1   
now that it had begun to flow1 would    
not be stayed4 ,she knew not why she    
wept1 knew not that it was the  sympathy
 of that pale amber of sad resignation  
which brought her  relief3 but she wept 
and wept1 until her heart began to stir1
 and  her tears came cooler and freer4  
,oh ,poldie6 my own ,poldie6 she cried  
at length1 and fell upon her            
knees--not-to worship the sky--not to   
pray to ,poldie1 or even for            
,poldie--not indeed to pray at all1 so  
far as she knew2 yet ,i doubt  if it was
 merely and only from the impulse of the
 old childish habit  of saying prayers4 

,but in a moment she grew restless4     
,there was no ,poldie6 ,she rose and    
walked about the room4 ,and he came back
 to her soul1 her desolate  brother1    
clothed1 alas6 in the rags and tatters  
of all the unkind  and unjust thoughts  
she had ever had concerning him1 and    
wearing on  his face the reflection of  
her worse deeds4 ,she had stood between 
him and the only poor remnant of peace1 
consolation1 and hope that  it was      
possible he should have2 and it was     
through the friends whom  she had       
treated with such distance and          
uncordiality that he did  receive it4   
,then out rushed from the chamber of her
 memory the  vision of the small dark   
nervous wild-looking ,indian boy who    
gazed  at her but for one questioning   
moment1 then shot into her arms and     
nestled in her bosom4 ,how had she      
justified that faith8 ,she had          
received1 and sheltered1 and shielded   
him1 doubtless1 and would have  done so 
with her life1 yet1 when it came to the 

test1 she had loved  herself better than
 him1 and would have doomed him to agony
 rather  than herself to disgrace4 ,oh  
,poldie6 ,poldie6 ,but he could not     
hear6  ,never1 for evermore1 should she 
utter to him word of sorrow or          
repentance6 never beg his forgiveness1  
or let him know that now she  knew      
better1 and had risen above such        
weakness and selfishness6    ,she       
stopped1 and looked sadly from the      
window4 ,the sky was cloudless          
overhead1 and the amber pall was fainter
 and clearer over the tomb  of the sun4 
,she turned hastily to the bed where lay
 her cloak and  bonnet1 put them on with
 trembling hands1 and went out by that  
same  window into the garden4 ,she could
 not help a shudder as she stood in  the
 dark passage unlocking the door in the 
sunk fence1 but the next  minute she was
 crossing the meadow through the cold   
frosty twilight  air1 now clear of its  
fog1 and seeming somehow to comfort1    
uplift1  and strengthen her4 ,the red   

cow was still feeding there4 ,she       
stopped  and talked to her a little4    
,she seemed one of ,poldie's friends1   
and  ,poldie had come back to her heart 
if he might never more to her  arms1 and
 she was now on her way to one of his   
best friends1 whom1  as more worthy1 he 
had loved even better than her1 and whom
 she had  not honoured as they deserved 
or as he must have desired4 ,to get     
near them1 would be to get nearer to    
,poldie4 ,at least she would be  with   
those whom he had loved1 and who1 she   
did not doubt1 still  loved him1        
believing him still alive4 ,she could   
not go to the  curate1 but she could go 
to the ,polwarths2 no one would blame   
her  for that-except indeed ,george4    
,but even ,george should not come       
between her and what mere show of       
communion with ,poldie was left  her6   
,she would keep her freedom--would      
rather break with ,george than  lose an 
atom of her liberty6 ,she would be no   
clay for his hands to  mould after his  

pleasure6    ,she opened the door in the
 fence and entered the park1 seeming to 
recover strength with every step she    
took towards ,poldie's friends4    ,it  
was almost dark when she stood at the   
lodge-door and knocked4                 
,,chapter ,,xxvi4    ,,an ,,honest      
,,spy4            ,no one answered      
,helen's knock4 ,she repeated it1 and   
still no answer  came4 ,her heart might 
have failed her1 but that she heard     
voices3  what if they were talking about
 ,leopold8 ,at length1 after knocking   
four or five times1 she heard the step  
as of a child coming down a  stair2 but 
it passed the door4 ,clearly no one had 
heard her4 ,she  knocked yet again1 and 
immediately it was opened by ,rachel4   
,the  pleasured surprise that shone up  
in her face when she saw who it was     
that stood without1 was lovely to see1  
and ,helen1 on whose miserable          
isolation it came like a sunrise of     
humanity1 took no counsel with  pride1  
but1 in simple gratitude for the        

voiceless yet eloquent  welcome1 bent   
down and kissed her4 ,the little arms   
were flung about  her neck1 and the kiss
 returned with such a gentle warmth and 
restrained sweetness as would have      
satisfied the most fastidious in  the   
matter of salute--to which class1       
however1 ,helen did not belong1  for she
 seldom kissed anyone4 ,then ,rachel    
took her by the hand1 and  led her into 
the kitchen1 placed a chair for her near
 the fire1 and  said1    ,i ,,am sorry  
there is no fire in the parlour4 ,the   
gentlemen are in my  uncle's room4 ,oh1 
,miss ,lingard1 ,i do wish you could    
have heard how  they have been talking6 
,have they been saying anything about my
 brother8 asked ,helen4    ,it's all    
about him1 she replied4    ,may ,i ask  
who the gentlemen are8 said ,helen      
doubtfully4    ,mr4 ,wingfold and ,mr4  
,drew4 ,they are often here4    ,is     
it--do you mean ,mr4 ,drew1 the draper8 
,yes4 ,he is one of ,mr4 ,wingfold's    
best pupils4 ,he brought him to my      

uncle1 and he has come often ever since4
    ,i never heard that--,mr4           
,wingfold--took pupils4--,i am afraid ,i
 do  not quite understand you4    ,i    
would have said ,,disciples1 returned   
,rachel smiling2 but that  has grown to 
feel such a sacred word--as if it       
belonged only to the  ,master1 that ,i  
didn't like to use it4 ,it would say    
best what ,i mean  though2 for there are
 people in ,glaston that are actually   
mending  their ways because of ,mr4     
,wingfold's teaching1 and ,mr4 ,drew was
 the  first of them4 ,it is long since  
such a thing was heard of in the        
,abbey4 ,it never was in my time4       
,helen sighed4 ,she wished it had       
remained possible for her also to       
become one of ,mr4 ,wingfold's pupils1  
but how could she now when she  had     
learned that what he had to teach was at
 best but a lovely  phantasm1 sprung of 
the seething together of the conscience 
and  imagination4 ,george could give    
account of the whole matter3 religion   

invariably excited the imagination and  
weakened the conscience2--witness  the  
innumerable tales concerning ,jesus     
invented in the first of the  ,christian
 centuries1 and about this and that     
saint in those that  followed6 ,helen's 
experience in ,leopold's case had       
certainly been  different1 but the other
 fact remained4 ,alas1 she could not be 
a pupil  of ,mr4 ,wingfold6 ,she could  
no longer deceive herself with such     
comfort4  ,and yet6--,,come ,,unto ,,me1
 ,,and ,i ,,will ,,give ,,you ,,rest4   
,i do wish ,i could hear them1 she said4
    ,and why not8 returned ,rachel4     
,there is not one of them would not  be 
glad to see you4 ,i know that4    ,i am 
afraid ,i should hinder their talk4     
,would they speak just as  freely as if 
,i were not there8 ,not that ,i know why
 they shouldn't1  she added2 only the   
presence of any stranger--    ,you are  
no stranger to ,mr4 ,wingfold or my     
uncle1 said ,rachel1 and  ,i daresay you
 know ,mr4 ,drew8    ,to tell you the   

truth1 ,miss ,polwarth1 ,i have not     
behaved as ,i  should either to your    
uncle or ,mr4 ,wingfold4 ,i know it now 
that my  brother is gone4 ,they were so 
good to him6 ,i feel now as if ,i had   
been possessed with an evil spirit4 ,i  
could not bear them to be more  to him  
than ,i was4 ,oh1 how ,i should like to 
hear what they are  saying6 ,i feel as  
if ,i should get a glimpse of           
,leopold--almost1 if ,i  might4 ,but ,i 
couldn't face them all together4 ,i     
could not go into  the room4    ,rachel 
was silent for a moment1 thinking4 ,then
 she said3    ,i'll tell you what then3 
there's no occasion4 ,between my uncle's
  room and mine there's a little closet1
 where you shall sit and hear  every    
word4 ,nothing will divide you from them
 but a few thin old  boards4    ,that   
would hardly be honourable though--would
 it8    ,i will answer for it4 ,i shall 
tell my uncle afterwards4 ,there may  be
 cases where the motive makes the right 
or the wrong4 ,it's not as  if you were 

listening to find out secrets4 ,i shall 
be in the room1  and that will be a     
connecting link1 you know3 they never   
turn me  out4 ,come now4 ,we don't know 
what we may be losing4    ,the desire to
 hear ,leopold's best friends talk about
 him was strong  in ,helen1 but her     
heart misgave her3 was it not           
unbecoming8 ,she  would be in terror of 
discovery all the time4 ,in the middle  
of the  stair1 she drew ,rachel back and
 whispered1    ,i dare not do it4       
,come on1 said ,rachel4 ,hear what ,i   
shall say to them first4 ,after  that   
you shall do as you please4             
,evidently1 so quick was her response1  
her thoughts had been going in  the same
 direction as ,helen's4    ,thank you   
for trusting me1 she added1 as ,helen   
again followed her4    ,arrived at the  
top1 the one stood trembling1 while the 
other went  into the room4    ,uncle1   
said ,rachel1 ,i have a friend in the   
house who is very  anxious to hear you  
and our friends speak your minds to each

 other1  but for reasons does not wish  
to appear3 will you allow my friend to  
listen without being seen8    ,is it    
your wish1 ,rachel1 or are you only     
conveying the request of  another8 asked
 her uncle4    ,it is my wish1 answered 
,rachel4 ,i really desire it--if you do 
not  mind4    ,she looked from one to   
another as she spoke4 ,the curate and   
the  draper indicated a full            
acquiescence4    ,do you know quite what
 you are about1 ,rachel8 asked          
,polwarth4    ,perfectly1 uncle1 she    
answered4 ,there is no reason why you   
should  not talk as freely as if you    
were talking only to me4 ,i will put my 
friend in the closet1 and you need never
 think that anyone is in the  house but 
ourselves4    ,then ,i have no more to  
say1 returned her uncle with a smile4   
,your  ,,friend1 whoever he or she may  
be1 is heartily welcome4    ,rachel     
rejoined ,helen1 who had already drawn  
nearer to the door of  the closet1 and  
now seated herself right willingly in   

its shelter1  amidst an atmosphere      
odorous of apples and herbs4 ,already   
the talk  was going on just as before4  
,at first each of the talkers did now   
and then remember there was a listener  
unseen but found1 when the  conversation
 came to a close1 that he had for a long
 time forgotten  it4                    
,,chapter ,,xxvii4    ,,what ,,helen    
,,heard1            ,although satisfied 
that1 after what ,rachel had said to the
 men1  there could be no impropriety in 
her making use of the privilege  granted
 her1 ,helen felt oddly uncomfortable at
 first4 ,but soon the  fancy came1 that 
she was listening at the door of the    
other world to  catch news of her       
,leopold1 and that made her forget      
herself and put  her at peace4 ,for some
 time1 however1 the conversation was    
absolutely unintelligible to her4 ,she  
understood the words and  phrases1 and  
even some of the sentences1 but as she  
had no clue to  their drift1 the effort 
to understand was like attempting to    

realize  the span of a rainbow from a   
foot or two of it appearing now and     
then in different parts and vanishing   
again at once4 ,it was chiefly          
,polwarth1 often ,wingfold1 and now and 
then ,drew that spoke1 ,rachel          
contributing only an occasional word4   
,at length broke something of a  dawn   
over the seeming chaos4 ,the words from 
which the light that  first reached     
,helen flowed1 were the draper's4    ,i 
can't think1 for all that1 he said1 why1
 if there be life  beyond the grave1 and
 most sincerely ,i trust there is--,i   
don't see  why we should know so little 
about it4 ,confess now1 ,mr4            
,polwarth6--,mr4 ,wingfold6 he said     
appealingly1 --does it not seem  strange
 that1 if our dearest friends go on     
living somewhere else1  they should1 the
 moment they cease to breathe1 pass away
 from us  utterly--so utterly that from 
that moment neither hint nor trace nor  
sign of their existence ever reaches us8
 ,nature1 the ,bible1 ,god  himself says

 nothing about how they exist or where  
they are1 or why  they are so           
silent--cruelly silent if it be in their
 power to  speak1--therefore1 they      
cannot2 and here we are left not only   
with  aching hearts but wavering faith1 
not knowing whither to turn to  escape  
the stare of the awful blank1 that seems
 in the very  intensity of its silence  
to shout in our ears that we are but    
dust  and return to the dust6    ,the   
gate-keeper and curate interchanged a   
pleased look of surprise  at the        
draper's eloquence1 but ,polwarth       
instantly took up his  answer4    ,i    
grant you it would be strange indeed if 
there were no good reason  for it1 he   
said4    ,then do you say1 asked        
,wingfold4 that until we see1 discover1 
or  devise some good reason for the     
darkness that overhangs it1 we are  at  
liberty to remain in doubt as to whether
 there be any life within  the cloud8   
,i would say so1 answered ,polwarth1    
were it not that we have the  story of  

,jesus1 which1 if we accept it1 is      
surely enough to satisfy  us both as to 
the thing itself1 and as to the         
existence of a good  reason1 whether we 
have found one or not1 for the mystery  
that  overshadows it4    ,still ,i      
presume we are not forbidden to seek    
such a reason1 said  the curate4    ,the
 draper was glancing from the one to the
 other with evident  anxiety4           
,certainly not1 returned the            
gate-keeper4 ,for what else is our      
imagination given us but the discovery  
of good reasons that are1 or  the       
invention of good reasons that may      
perhaps be8    ,can you then imagine any
 good reason1 said ,drew1 why we should 
be  kept in such absolute ignorance of  
everything that befalls the  parted     
spirit from the moment it quits its     
house with us8    ,i think ,i know one1 
answered ,polwarth4 ,i have sometimes   
fancied  it might be because no true    
idea of their condition could possibly  
be grasped by those who remain in the   

tabernacle of the body2 that  to know   
their state it is necessary that we also
 should be clothed  in our new bodies1  
which are to the old as a house to a    
tent4 ,i  doubt if we have any words in 
which the new facts could be imparted   
to our knowledge1 the facts themselves  
being beyond the reach of any  senses   
whereof we are now in actual possession4
 ,i expect to find my  new body provided
 with new1 ,i mean ,,other senses beyond
 what ,i now  possess3 many more may be 
required to bring us into relation with 
all the facts in himself which ,god may 
have shadowed forth in  properties1 as  
we say1 of what we call matter4 ,the    
spaces all around  us1 even to those    
betwixt star and star1 may be the home  
of the  multitudes of the heavenly host1
 yet seemingly empty to all who have    
but our provision of senses4 ,but ,i do 
not care to dwell upon that  kind of    
speculation4 ,it belongs to a lower     
region1 upon which ,i  grudge to expend 
interest while the far loftier one      

invites me1  where1 if ,i gather not the
 special barley of which ,i am in       
search1 ,i  am sure to come upon the    
finest of wheat4--,well1 then1 for my   
reason3 ,there are a thousand individual
 events in the course of  every man's   
life1 by which ,god takes a hold of     
him--a thousand  breaches by which he   
would and does enter1 little as the man 
may  know it2 but there is one universal
 and unchanging grasp he keeps  upon the
 race1 yet not as the race1 for the     
grasp is upon every  solitary single    
individual that has a part in it3 that  
grasp  is--death in its mystery4 ,to    
whom can the man who is about to die in 
absolute loneliness and go he cannot    
tell whither1 flee for refuge  from the 
doubts and fears that assail him1 but to
 the ,father of his  being8    ,but1    
said ,drew1 ,i cannot see what harm     
would come of letting us  know a        
little--as much at least as might serve 
to assure us that  there was more of    
,,something on the other side4    ,just 

this1 returned ,polwarth1 that1 their   
fears allayed1 their  hopes encouraged  
from any lower quarter1 men would1 as   
usual1 turn  away from the fountain to  
the cistern of life1 from the ever fresh
  original creative ,love to that drawn 
off and shut in4 ,that there are        
thousands who would forget ,god if they 
could but be assured of such  a         
tolerable state of things beyond the    
grave as even this wherein we  now live1
 is plainly to be anticipated from the  
fact that the doubts  of so many in     
respect of religion concentrate         
themselves now-a-days  upon the question
 whether there is any life beyond the   
grave2 a  question which1 although no   
doubt nearly associated with            
religion1--as what question worth asking
 is not8--does not  immediately belong  
to religion at all4 ,satisfy such       
people1 if you  can1 that they shall    
live1 and what have they gained8 ,a     
little  comfort perhaps--but a comfort  
not from the highest source1 and        

possibly gained too soon for their      
well-being4 ,does it bring them  any    
nearer to ,god than they were before8   
,is he filling one cranny  more of their
 hearts in consequence8 ,their assurance
 of immortality  has not come from a    
knowledge of him1 and without him it is 
worse  than worthless4 ,little indeed   
has been gained1 and that with the  loss
 of much4 ,the word applies here which  
our ,lord in his parable  puts into the 
mouth of ,abraham3 ,if they hear not    
,moses and the  prophets1 neither will  
they be persuaded though one rose from  
the  dead4 ,he does not say they would  
not believe in a future state  though   
one rose from the dead--although most   
likely they would soon  persuade        
themselves that the apparition after all
 was only an  illusion--,footnote3 ,see 
,lynch's admirable sermon on this       
subject4  but that they would not be    
persuaded to repent1 though one rose    
from  the dead2 and without that1 what  
great matter whether they believed  in a

 future state or not8 ,it would only be 
the worse for them if  they did4 ,no1   
,mr4 ,drew6 ,i repeat1 it is not a      
belief in immortality  that will deliver
 a man from the woes of humanity1 but   
faith in the  ,god of life1 the father  
of lights1 the ,god of all consolation  
and  comfort4 ,believing in him1 a man  
can leave his friends1 and their  and   
his own immortality1 with everything    
else--even his and their  love and      
perfection1 with utter confidence in his
 hands4 ,until we  have the life in us1 
we shall never be at peace4 ,the living 
,god  dwelling in the heart he has made1
 and glorifying it by inmost  speech    
with himself--that is life1 assurance1  
and safety4 ,nothing  less is or can be 
such4              ,,chapter ,,xxviii4  
,,what ,,helen ,,heard ,,more           
,a word you dropped the other day1 said 
the curate1 set me  thinking of the     
note-worthy fact that belief in ,god and
 belief in  immortality cease together4 
,but ,i do not see the logic of it4 ,if 

we  are here without ,god1 why may we   
not go on there without ,god8 ,i  marvel
 that ,i have heard of no one taking up 
and advocating the  view4 ,what a grand 
discovery it would be for some          
people--that not  only was there no ,god
 to interfere with them1 and insist on  
their  becoming something worth being1  
but that they were immortal             
notwithstanding6 that death was only the
 passage of another birth  into a       
condition of enlarged capacity for such 
bliss as they enjoyed  here1 but more   
exalted in degree1 perhaps in kind1 and 
altogether  preferable4    ,i know one  
to whom the thought would not have been 
a new one1 said  ,polwarth4 ,have you   
not come upon a passage in my brother's 
manuscript involving the very idea8     
,not yet4 ,i read very slowly and pick  
up all the crumbs4 ,i wish we  had had  
the book here4 ,i should have so much   
liked to hear you read  from it again4  
,the gate-keeper rose and went to his   
cabinet4    ,the wish is easily         

gratified1 he said4 ,i made a copy of   
it1--partly for security1 partly that ,i
 might thoroughly enter into  my        
brother's thoughts4    ,i wonder almost 
you lend the original then1 said        
,wingfold4    ,i certainly could not    
lend the copy to any man ,i could not   
trust  with the original1 answered      
,polwarth4 ,but ,i never lent either    
before4--,he was turning over the leaves
 as he spoke4--,the  passage1 he went   
on1 besides for its own worth1 is       
precious to me  as showing how1 through 
all his madness1 his thoughts haunted   
the  gates of wisdom4--,ah6 here it is6 
',about this time ,i had another strange
 vision1 whether in the body  or out of 
the body1 ,i cannot tell4 ,i thought1 as
 oftener than once  before1 that at     
length ,i was dying4 ,and it seemed to  
me that ,i did  die1 and awake to the   
consciousness of a blessed freedom from 
the  coarser and more ponderous outer   
dress ,i had hitherto worn1 being  now  
clad only in what had been up to this   

time an inner garment1 and  was a far   
more closely fitting one4 ,the first    
delight of which ,i was  aware was      
coolness--a coolness that hurt me       
not--the coolness as of  a dewy summer  
eve1 in which a soft friendly wind is   
blowing2 and the  coolness was that of  
perfect well-being1 of the health that  
cometh  after fever1 when a sound sleep 
hath divided it away and built a        
rampart between2 the coolness of        
undoubted truth1 and of love that  has  
surmounted passion and is tenfold love4'
    ,he goes on to give further and     
fuller account of his                   
sensations1--ventures even on the       
anticipated futility of an attempt  to  
convey a notion of one of his new       
senses4 ,i leave all that for  your own 
reading1 ,mr4 ,wingfold4    ',but where 
was ,i8 ,that ,i could not tell4 ,i am  
here was all ,i could  say2 but then    
what more could ,i ever have            
said8--,gradually my sight  came to me1 
or the light of the country arose1 ,i   

could not tell  which1 and behold1 ,i   
was in the midst of a paradise1 gorgeous
 yet  gracious1 to describe which ,i    
find no words in the halting tongues  of
 earth1 and ,i know something of them   
all1 most of them well4 ,if ,i  say a   
purple sea was breaking in light on an  
emerald shore1 the  moment the words are
 written1 ,i see them coarse and crude  
as a boy's  first attempt at landscape2 
yet are there no better wherewith to    
tell what first filled my eyes with     
heavenly delight4    ',the inhabitants  
were many1 but nowhere were they        
crowded4 ,there  was room in abundance1 
and wild places seemed to be held sacred
 for  solitude4'    ,i am only picking  
up a sentence here and there1 as ,i     
hasten to the  particular point1 said   
,polwarth1 looking down the page4       
',but the flowers6 and the birds6 and   
above all the beauty of the  people6    
,and they dwelt in harmony4 ,yet on     
their foreheads lay as it  seemed a     
faint mist1 or as it were the first of a

 cloud of coming  disquiet4    ',and ,i 
prayed him1 ,tell me1 sir1 whither shall
 ,i go to find ,god and  say unto him1  
,lo1 here ,i am6 ,and he answered and   
said to me1 ,sir1 ,i  but dimly know    
what thou meanest4 ,say further4 ,and ,i
 stood for an  hour1 even as one        
astonied4 ,then said ,i1 ,all my long   
life on the  world whence ,i came1 ,i   
did look to find ,god when death should 
take  me4 ,but lo1 now--,and with that  
my heart smote me1 for in my former     
life ,i had oftentimes fallen into      
unbelief and denied ,god3 was this  now 
my punishment--that ,i should never find
 him8 ,and my heart grew  cold in my    
body1 and the blood curdled therein4    
,then the man  answered and said1 ,it is
 true that in generations past1 for so  
,i  read in our ancient books1 men did  
believe in one above them and in  them1 
who had wrought them to that they were1 
and was working them  to better still2  
but whether it be that we have now      
gained that  better1 and there is       

nothing higher unto which we may look1  
therefore no need of the high one1 ,i   
know not1 but truly we have  long ceased
 so to believe1 and have learned that1  
as things are1 so  they have been1 and  
so they shall be4 ,then fell as it were 
a cold  stone into the core of my heart1
 and ,i questioned him no farther1  for 
,i bore death in my heart1 even as a    
woman carrieth her unborn  child4 ,no   
,god6 ,i cried1 and sped away into a    
solitude and shrieked  aloud1 ,no ,god6 
,nay1 but ere ,i believe it1 ,i will    
search through all  creation1 and cry   
aloud as ,i go4 ,i will search until ,i 
find him1 and  if ,i find him not1--4   
,with that my soul would have fainted in
 me1  had ,i not spread forth my wings  
and rushed aloft to find him4    ',for  
the more lovely anything ,i saw1 the    
more gracious in colour or  form1 or the
 more marvellous in the law of its      
working1 ever a fresh  pang shot to my  
heart3 if that which ,i had heard should
 prove true1  then was there no ,love   

such as seemed to me to dwell therein1  
the  soul of its beauty1 and all the    
excellence thereof was but a  delusion  
of my own heart1 greedy after a phantom 
perfection4 ,no ,god6  no ,love6 no     
loveliness1 save a ghastly semblance    
thereof6 and the  more ghastly that it  
was so like loveliness1 and yet was not 
to be  loved upon peril of prostitution 
of spirit4 ,then in truth was heaven  a 
fable1 and hell an all-embracing fact6  
for my very being knew in  itself that  
if it would dwell in peace1 the very    
atmosphere in which  it lived and moved 
and breathed must be love1 living love1 
a one  divine presence1 truth to itself1
 and love to me1 and to all them  that  
needed love1 down to the poorest that   
can but need it1 and  knoweth it not    
when it cometh4 ,i knew that if love was
 not all in  all1 in fact as well as in 
imagination1 my life was but a dreary   
hollow made in the shape of a life1 and 
therefore for ever hungry  and never to 
be satisfied4 ,and again ,i spread      

wings--no longer as it  seemed of hope1 
but wings of despair1 yet mighty1 and   
flew4 ,and ,i  learned thereafter that  
despair is but the hidden side of hope4'
    ,here follow pages of his wanderings
 in quest of ,god4 ,he tells how  and   
where he inquired and sought1 searching 
into the near and minute  as earnestly  
as into the far and vast1 watching at   
the very pores of  being1 and sitting in
 the gates of the mighty halls of       
assembly--but  all in vain4 ,no ,god was
 to be found4    ',and it seemed to me1'
 he says at last1 'that1 as ,i had been 
the  wanderer of earth1 so was ,i now   
doomed to be the wanderer of heaven4    
,on earth ,i wandered to find death1 and
 men called me the everlasting  ,jew2 in
 heaven ,i wandered to find ,god1 and   
what name would they give  me now8      
',at last my heart sank within me       
wholly1 and ,i folded my wings1 and     
through years ,i also sank and sank1 and
 alighted at length upon the  place     
appointed for my habitation--that namely

 wherein ,i found  myself first after   
death4 ,and alighting there1 ,i fell    
down weary and  slept4    ',and when ,i 
awoke ,i turned upon my side in the     
despair of a life  that was neither in  
my own power nor in that of one who was 
the  ,father of me1 which life therefore
 was an evil thing and a tyrant  unto   
me4 ,and lo6 there by my side ,i beheld 
a lily of the field such  as grew on the
 wayside in the old times betwixt       
,jerusalem and  ,bethany4 ,never since  
my death had ,i seen such1 and my heart 
awoke  within me1 and ,i wept bitter    
tears that nothing should be true1      
nothing be that which it had seemed in  
the times of old4 ,and as ,i  wept ,i   
heard a sound as of the falling of many 
tears1 and ,i looked1  and lo a shower  
as from a watering-pot falling upon the 
lily6 ,and ,i  looked yet again1 and ,i 
saw the watering-pot1 and the hand that 
held  it2 and he whose hand held the pot
 stood by me and looked at me as  he    
watered the lily4 ,he was a man like the

 men of the world where  such lilies    
grow1 and was poorly dressed1 and seemed
 like a  gardener4 ,and ,i looked up in 
his face1 and lo--the eyes of the ,lord 
,jesus6 and my heart swelled until it   
filled my whole body and my  head1 and  
,i gave a great cry1 and for joy that   
turned into agony ,i  could not rise1   
neither could ,i speak1 but ,i crept on 
my hands and  my knees to his feet1 and 
there ,i fell down upon my face1 and    
with  my hands ,i lifted one of his feet
 and did place it upon my head1 and     
then ,i found voice to cry1 ,o master6  
and therewith the life departed  from   
me4 ,and when ,i came to myself the     
master sat under the tree1  and ,i lay  
by his side1 and he had lifted my head  
upon his knees4 ,and  behold1 the world 
was jubilant around me1 for ,love was   
,love and ,lord  of all4 ,the sea       
roared1 and the fulness thereof was     
love2 and the  purple and the gold and  
the blue and the green came straight    
from  the hidden red heart of the ,lord 

,jesus4 ,and ,i closed my eyes for  very
 bliss2 nor had ,i yet bethought me of  
the time when first those  eyes looked  
upon me1 for ,i seemed to have known    
them since first ,i  began to be4 ,but  
now when for very bliss ,i closed my    
eyes1 my sin  came back to me1 and ,i   
remembered4 ,and ,i rose up1 and kneeled
 down  before him1 and said1 ,o ,lord1  
,i am ,ahasuerus the ,jew1 the man who  
would not let thee rest thy cross upon  
the stone before my workshop1  but drave
 thee from it4--,say no more of that1   
answered my ,lord1 for  truly ,i have   
myself rested in thy heart1 cross and   
all1 until the  thing thou diddest in   
thy ignorance is better than forgotten1 
for it  is remembered in love4 ,only see
 thou also make right excuse for my     
brethren who1 like thee then1 know not  
now what they do4 ,come and ,i  will    
bring thee to the woman who died for    
thee in the burning fire4  ,and ,i said1
 ,o ,lord1 leave me not1 for although ,i
 would now in my  turn right gladly die 

for her1 yet would ,i not look upon that
 woman  again if the love of her would  
make me love thee one hair the less--   
thou knowest4 ,and the ,lord smiled upon
 me and said1 ,fear not1  ,ahasuerus2 my
 love infolds and is the nest of all    
love4 ,i fear not2  fear thou not       
either4 ,and ,i arose and followed him4 
,and every tree  and flower1 yea every  
stone and cloud1 with the whole earth   
and sea  and air1 were full of ,god1    
even the living ,god--so that now ,i    
could  have died of pure content4 ,and  
,i followed my ,lord4'    ,the          
gate-keeper was silent1 and so were they
 all4 ,at length ,rachel  rose softly1  
wiping the tears from her eyes1 and left
 the room4 ,but  she found no one in the
 closet4 ,helen was already hastening   
across  the park1 weeping as she went4  
,,chapter ,,xxix4    ,,the ,,curate',s  
,,resolve4            ,the next day was 
,sunday4    ,twelve months had not yet  
elapsed since the small events with     
which  my narrative opened4 ,the change 

which had passed1 not merely upon  the  
opinions1 but in the heart and mind and 
very being of the  curate1 had not then 
begun to appear even to himself1        
although its  roots were not only deep  
in him but deep beyond him1 even in the 
source of him2 and now he was in a state
 of mind1 a state of being1  rather1 of 
whose nature at that time he had not1   
and could not have  had1 the faintest   
fore-feeling1 the most shadowy          
conception4 ,it had  been a season of   
great trouble1 but the gain had been    
infinitely  greater2 for now were the   
bonds of the finite broken1 he had burst
  the shell of the mortal1 and was of   
those over whom the second death  hath  
no power4 ,the agony of the second birth
 was past1 and he was a  child          
again--only a child1 he knew1 but a     
child of the kingdom2 and  the world1   
and all that ,god cared about in it1 was
 his1 as no  miser's gold could ever    
belong to its hoarder1 while the created
  universe1 yea and the uncreated also  

whence it sprang1 lay open to  him in   
the boundless free-giving of the        
original ,thought4 ,all  things are     
yours1 and ye are ,christ's1 and ,christ
 is ,god's3 he  understood the words    
even as he who said them understood     
them1 and  as the wise of this world    
never will understand them until first  
they become fools that they may be wise4
    ,at the same time a great sorrow    
threatened him from the no less         
mysterious region of his relations to   
humanity2 but if that region  and its   
most inexplicable cares were beyond the 
rule of the ,life  that dwelt in him1   
then was that ,life no true ,god1 and   
the whole  thing was false2 for he loved
 ,helen with a love that was no         
invention or creation of his own1 and if
 not his1 then whose8  ,certainly not of
 one who1 when it threatened to         
overwhelm him1 was  unable to uphold him
 under it6 ,this thing also belonged to 
the ,god  of his being4 ,a poor ,god    
must he be for men or women who did not 

care about the awful things involved in 
the relation between them6  ,therefore  
even in his worst anxieties about       
,helen1--,i do not mean in  his worst   
seasons of despair at the thought of    
never gaining her  love--he had never   
yet indeed consciously regarded the     
winning of  her as a possibility--but at
 those times when he most plainly saw   
her the submissive disciple of ,george  
,bascombe1 and the two seemed  to his   
fancy to be straying away together into 
a wide field1 full  of dark mountains2  
when he saw her1 so capable of the      
noblest1  submitting her mind to the    
entrance of the poorest1 meanest1       
shabbiest theories of life1 and taking  
for her guide one who could  lead her to
 no conscious well-being1 or make       
provision for  sustainment when the time
 of suffering and anxiety should come1  
or  the time of health and strength be  
over when yet she must live on2  when he
 saw her adopting a system of things    
whose influence would  shrivel up       

instead of developing her faculties1    
crush her  imagination with such a      
mountain-weight as was never piled above
  ,titan1 and dwarf the whole divine    
woman within her to the size and        
condition of an ,aztec--even then was he
 able to reason with himself3  ,she     
belongs to ,god1 not to me2 and ,god    
loves her better than ever ,i  could    
love her4 ,if she should set out with   
her blind guide1 it will  be but a first
 day's journey she will go--through     
marshy places and  dry sands1 across the
 far breadth of which1 lo6 the blue     
mountains  that shelter the high vales  
of sweetness and peace4 ,and with this  
he not only tried to comfort himself1   
but succeeded--,i do not say to         
contentment1 but to quiet4 ,contentment1
 which1 whatever its  immediate shape1  
to be contentment at all1 must be the   
will of ,god1  lay beyond4 ,alas that   
men cannot believe there is such a thing
 as  that good and acceptable and       
perfect will of ,god6 ,to those that do 

believe it1 it is the rejoicing of a    
conscious deliverance4    ,and now this 
,sunday1 ,wingfold entered the pulpit   
prepared at last to  utter his resolve4 
,happily nothing had been done to       
introduce the  confusing element of     
another will4 ,the bishop had heard     
nothing of  the matter1 and if anything 
had reached the rector1 he had not      
spoken4 ,not one of the congregation1   
not even ,mrs4 ,ramshorn1 had  hinted to
 him that he ought to resign4 ,it had   
been left altogether  with himself4 ,and
 now he would tell them the decision to 
which the  thought he had taken had     
conducted him4 ,i will give a portion of
 his  sermon--enough to show us how he  
showed the congregation the state  of   
his mind in reference to the grand      
question1 and the position he  took in  
relation to his hearers4    ,it is time1
 my hearers1 he said1 because it is now 
possible1 to  bring to a close that     
uncertainty with regard to the          
continuance of  our relation to each    

other1 which ,i was1 in the spring-time 
of the  year1 compelled by mental       
circumstance to occasion4 ,i then forced
  myself1 for very dread of the honesty 
of an all-knowing ,god1 to  break       
through every convention of the church  
and the pulpit1 and  speak to you of my 
most private affairs4 ,i told you that  
,i was sure  of not one of those things 
concerning which it is taken for granted
  that a clergyman must be satisfied2   
but that ,i would not at once  yield my 
office1 lest in that act ,i should seem 
to declare unbelief  of many a thing    
which even then ,i desired to find true4
 ,in leaving  me undisturbed either by  
complaint1 expostulation1 or proffered  
instruction1 you1 my hearers1 have      
granted me the leisure of which ,i      
stood in need4 ,meantime ,i have        
endeavoured to show you the best ,i     
saw1 while yet ,i dared not say ,i was  
sure of anything4 ,i have thus  kept    
you1 those at least who cared to follow 
my path1 acquainted  with my mental     

history4 ,and now ,i come to tell you   
the practical  result at which ,i have  
arrived4    ,but when ,i say that ,i    
will not forsake my curacy1 still less  
my  right and duty to teach whatever ,i 
seem to know1 ,i must not therein       
convey the impression that ,i have      
attained that conviction and  assurance 
the discovery of the absence of which   
was the cause of the  whole uncertain   
proceeding4 ,all ,i now say is1 that in 
the story of  ,jesus ,i have beheld such
 grandeur--to me apparently altogether  
beyond the reach of human invention1    
such a radiation of divine  loveliness  
and truth1 such hope for man1 soaring   
miles above every  possible pitfall of  
,fate2 and have at the same time1 from  
the  endeavour to obey the word recorded
 as his1 experienced such a  conscious  
enlargement of mental faculty1 such a   
deepening of moral  strength1 such an   
enhancement of ideal1 such an increase  
of faith1  hope1 and charity towards all
 men1 that ,i now declare with the      

consent of my whole man--,i cast in my  
lot with the servants of the            
,crucified2 ,i am content even to share 
their delusion1 if delusion it  be1 for 
it is the truth of the ,god of men to   
me2 ,i will stand or  fall with the     
story of my ,lord2 ,i will take my      
chance--,i speak not  in irreverence but
 in honesty--my chance of failure or    
success in  regard to whatever may      
follow in this life or the life to come1
 if  there be a life to come--on the    
words and will of the ,lord ,jesus      
,christ1 whom if1 impressed as ,i am    
with the truth of his nature1 the       
absolute devotion of his life1 and the  
essential might of his being1  ,i yet   
obey not1 ,i shall not only deserve to  
perish1 but in that very  refusal draw  
ruin upon my head4 ,before ,god ,i say  
it--,i would rather  be crucified with  
that man1 so it might be as a disciple  
and not as  a thief that creeps1        
intrudes1 or climbs into the fold1 than 
,i would  reign with him over such a    

kingdom of grandeur as would have       
satisfied the imagination and           
love-ambition of his mother4 ,on such   
grounds as these ,i hope ,i am justified
 in declaring myself a  disciple of the 
,son of ,man1 and in devoting my life   
and the renewed  energy and enlarged1   
yea infinite hope which he has given me1
 to his  brothers and sisters of my     
race1 that if possible ,i may gain some 
to  be partakers of the blessedness of  
my hope4 ,henceforth ,i am1 not ,,in    
,,holy ,,orders1 ,i reject the phrase1  
but ,,under holy orders1 even the       
orders of ,christ ,jesus1 which is the  
law of liberty1 the law whose  obedience
 alone can set a man free from          
in-burrowing slavery4    ,and if any man
 yet say that1 because of my lack of    
absolute  assurance1 ,i have no right to
 the sacred post1--,let him1 ,i answer1 
who has been assailed by such doubts as 
mine1 and from the citadel  of his faith
 sees no more one lingering shadow of a 
foe--let him  cast at me the first      

stone6 ,vain challenge6 for such a one  
will  never cast a stone at man or      
woman4 ,but let not him whose belief is 
but the absence of doubt1 who has never 
loved enough that which he  thinks he   
believes to have felt a single fear lest
 it should not be  true--let not that   
man1 ,i say1 cast at me pebble from the 
brook1 or  cloven rock from the mount of
 the law1 for either will fall hurtless 
at my feet4 ,friends1 ,i have for the   
last time spoken of myself in  this     
place4 ,ye have borne with me in my     
trials1 and ,i thank you4  ,those who   
have not only borne but suffered1 and do
 now rejoice with  me1 ,i thank tenfold4
 ,i have done--    ,save for one word to
 the ,christians of this congregation3  
,the waves of infidelity are coming in  
with a strong wind and a  flowing tide4 
,who is to blame8 ,god it cannot be1 and
 for  unbelievers1 they are as they     
were4 ,it is the ,christians who are to 
blame4 ,i do not mean those who are     
called ,christians1 but those who  call 

and count themselves ,christians4 ,i    
tell you1 and ,i speak to  each one of  
whom it is true1 that you hold and      
present such a  withered1 starved1      
miserable1 death's-head idea of         
,christianity2  that you are yourselves 
such poverty-stricken believers1 if     
believers you are at all2 that the      
notion you present to the world  as your
 ideal1 is so commonplace1 so false to  
the grand1 gracious1  mighty-hearted    
,jesus--that ,,you are the cause why the
 truth hangs its  head in patience1 and 
rides not forth on the white horse1     
conquering  and to conquer4 ,you dull   
its lustre in the eyes of men2 you      
deform  its fair proportions2 you       
represent not that which it is1 but that
  which it is not1 yet call yourselves  
by its name2 you are not the  salt of   
the earth1 but a salt that has lost its 
savour1 for ye seek  all things else    
first1 and to that seeking the kingdom  
of ,god and  his righteousness shall    
never be added4 ,until you repent and   

believe  afresh1 believe in a nobler    
,christ1 namely the ,christ revealed by 
himself1 and not the muffled form of    
something vaguely human and  certainly  
not all divine1 which the false         
interpretations of men  have substituted
 for him1 you will be1 as1 ,i repeat1   
you are1 the  main reason why faith is  
so scanty in the earth1 and the enemy   
comes  in like a flood4 ,for the sake of
 the progress of the truth1 and that    
into nobler minds than yours1 it were   
better you joined the ranks of  the     
enemy1 and declared what ,i fear with   
many of you is the fact1  that you      
believe not at all4 ,but whether in some
 sense you believe  or not1 the fact    
remains1 that1 while you are not of     
those  ,christians who obey the word of 
the master1 ,,doing the things he says  
to them1 you are of those ,christians1  
if you ,,will be called by the  name1 to
 whom he will say1 ,i never knew you3 go
 forth into the outer  darkness4 ,then  
at least will the church be rid of you1 

and the  honest doubter will have room  
to breathe the divine air of the        
presence of ,jesus4    ,but oh what     
unspeakable bliss of heart and soul and 
mind and sense  remains for him who like
 ,st4 ,paul is crucified with ,christ1  
who  lives no more from his own self1   
but is inspired and informed and        
possessed with the same faith towards   
the ,father in which ,jesus  lived and  
wrought the will of the ,father6 ,if the
 words attributed to  ,jesus are indeed 
the words of him whom ,jesus declared   
himself1 then  truly is the fate of     
mankind a glorious one1--and that1 first
 and  last1 because men have a ,god     
supremely grand1 all-perfect in         
,god-head2 for that is1 and that alone  
can be1 the absolute bliss of  the      
created4              ,,chapter ,,xxx4  
,,helen ,,awake4            ,that       
,sunday-dinner was a very quiet meal4   
,an old friend of ,mrs4  ,ramshorn1 a   
lady-ecclesiastic like herself1 dined   
with them2 what  the two may have said  

to each other in secret conclave1 ,i    
cannot  tell1 but not a word of remark  
upon ,mr4 ,wingfold or his sermon was   
heard at table4    ,as she was leaving  
the room1 ,bascombe whispered ,helen to 
put on  something and come to him in the
 garden4 ,helen glanced at the window   
as if doubtful4 ,it was cold1 but the   
sun was shining2 the weather  had       
nothing to do with it2 she had but taken
 a moment to think4 ,she  pressed her   
lips together--and consented4 ,george   
saw she would  rather not go1 but he set
 it down to a sisterly unwillingness to 
enjoy herself when her brother could no 
longer behold the sun1 and  such mere   
sentiment must not be encouraged4       
,when the cypresses and box-trees had   
come betwixt them and the  house1 he    
offered his arm1 but ,helen preferred   
being free4 ,she did  not refuse to go  
into the summer-house with him2 but she 
took her  place on the opposite side of 
the little table4 ,george however spied 
no hint of approaching doom4    ,i am   

sorry to have to alter my opinion of    
that curate1 he said as  he seated      
himself4 ,there was so much in him that 
,i took to promise  well4 ,but old      
habit1 the necessities of existence1 and
 the fear of  society have been too much
 for him--as they will always be for    
most  men4 ,he has succumbed at last1   
and ,i am sorry6 ,i did think he was    
going to turn out an honest man6    ,and
 you have come to the certain conclusion
 that he is not an  honest man1 ,george8
    ,assuredly4    ,why8    ,because he 
goes on to teach what he confesses he is
 not sure  about4    ,he professes to be
 sure that it is better than anything he
 is sure  about4--,you teach me there is
 no ,god3 are you absolutely certain    
there is not8    ,yes2 absolutely       
certain4    ,on what grounds8    ,on    
grounds ,i have set forth to you twenty 
times1 ,helen1 dear1  answered ,george a
 little impatiently4 ,i am not inclined 
to talk  about them now4--,i can no more
 believe in a god than in a dragon4     

,and yet a dragon was believable to the 
poets that made our old  ballads2 and   
now geology reveals that some-such      
creatures did at one  time actually     
exist4    ,ah6 you turn the tables on me
 there1 ,helen6 ,i confess my parallel a
  false one4    ,a truer one than you   
think1 perhaps1 said ,helen4 ,that a    
thing  should seem absurd to one man1 or
 to a thousand men1 will not make  it   
absurd in its own nature2 and men as    
good and as clever as you1  ,george1    
have in all ages believed in a ,god4    
,only their notion of ,god  may have    
been different from yours4 ,perhaps     
their notion was a  believable one1     
while yours is not4    ,by ,jove1       
,helen6 you've got on with your logic4  
,i feel quite  flattered6 ,so far as ,i 
am aware you have had no tutor in that  
branch  but myself6 ,you'll soon be too 
much for your master1 by ,jove6    ,like
 the pied piper1 ,helen smiled a little 
smile4 ,but she said  seriously1        
,well1 ,george1 all ,i have to suggest  

is--,what if1 after all your  inability 
to believe it1 things should at last    
prove1 even to your--  satisfaction1    
shall ,i say8--that there ,,is a ,god8  
,don't trouble yourself a bit about it1 
,helen1 returned ,george1  whose mind   
was full of something else1 to introduce
 which he was  anxiously1 and           
heedlessly1 clearing the way3 ,i am     
prepared to take  my chance1 and all ,i 
care about is whether you will take your
 chance  with me4 ,helen1 ,i love you   
with my whole soul4    ,oh6 you have a  
soul1 then1 ,george8 ,i thought you     
hadn't6    ,it ,,is a foolish form of   
speech1 no doubt1 returned ,bascombe1 a 
little disconcerted1 as was natural4    
--,but to be serious1 ,helen1 ,i  do    
love you4    ,how long will you love me 
if ,i tell you ,i don't love you8       
,really1 ,helen1 ,i don't see how to    
answer such a question4 ,i don't        
understand you at all to-day6 ,have ,i  
offended you8 ,i am very sorry  if ,i   
have1 but ,i am quite in the dark as to 

when or where or how4    ,tell me then1 
said ,helen1 heedless of his evident    
annoyance and  discomfort1 how long will
 you love me if ,i love you in return8  
,for ever and ever4    ,another form of 
speech8    ,you know what ,i mean well  
enough4 ,i shall love you as long as ,i 
live4    ,george1 ,i never could love a 
man who believed ,i was going to die    
for ever4    ,but1 ,helen1 pleaded      
,bascombe1 if it can't be helped1 you   
know6    ,but you are content it should 
be so4 ,you believe it willingly4 ,you  
scoff at any hint of a possible         
immortality4    ,well1 but1 ,helen1 what
 difference can it make between you and 
me8  returned ,george1 whom the danger  
of losing her had rendered for the      
moment indifferent even to his most     
cherished theory4 ,if there  should be  
anything afterwards1 of course ,i should
 go on loving you  to the very extreme  
of the possible4    ,while now you don't
 love me enough to wish ,i may live and 
not die6  ,leaving that out of view     

however1 it makes all the difference to 
the  love ,i should have to expect of   
you4 ,it may be only a whim--,i can     
prove nothing any more than you--but ,i 
have a--whim then--to be  loved as an   
immortal woman1 the child of a living   
,god1 and not as a  helpless bastard of 
,nature6--,i beg your pardon--,i forget 
my  manners4    ,that a lady should     
utter such a word6--and that lady1      
,helen6--,george  was shocked4 ,coming  
on the rest1 it absolutely bewildered   
him4 ,he  sat silent perforce4 ,helen   
saw it1 and yielded to a moment's       
annoyance with herself1 but presently   
resumed3    ,i have given you the       
advantage1 ,george1 and wronged myself4 
,but ,i  don't care ,,much4 ,i shall    
only take the better courage to speak my
  mind4--,you come asking me to love    
you1 and my brother lying  mouldering in
 the earth--all there is of him1 you    
tell me6 ,if you  believed he was alive 
still1 and ,i should find him again some
 day1  there would be no reason why you 

should not speak of love even now2  for 
where does anyone need love more than at
 the brink of the grave8  ,but to come  
talking of love to me1 with the same    
voice that has but  just been teaching  
me that the grave is the end of all1 and
 my  brother gone down into it for      
ever--,i tell you1 cousin--,i must say  
it--it seems to me hardly decent4 ,for  
me at least--,i will ,,not be  loved    
with the love that can calmly accept    
such a fate4 ,and ,i will  never love   
any man1 believing that1 if ,i outlive  
him1 my love must  thereafter be but a  
homeless torrent1 falling ever into a   
bottomless  abyss4 ,why should ,i make  
of my heart a roaring furnace of regrets
  and self-accusations8 ,the memory of  
my brother is for me enough4 ,let  me   
keep what freedom is possible to me2 let
 me rather live the life  of a          
cold-blooded animal1 and die in the ice 
that gathers about me4  ,but before ,i  
sit down to await such an end1 ,i shall 
know whether ,i  am indeed compelled to 

believe as you do that there is no ,god1
 that  ,death is my lord and master1    
that he will take me as he has taken my 
brother and yet ,i shall never see him  
more4 ,no1 cousin ,george1 ,i  need a   
,god2 and if there be none how did ,i   
come to need one8 ,yes1 ,i  know you    
think you can explain it all1 but the   
way you account for  it is just as      
miserable as what you would put in its  
place4 ,i am not  complete in myself    
like you4 ,i am not able to live without
 a ,god4 ,i  will seek him until ,i find
 him1 or drop into the abyss where all  
question and answer ceases4 ,then in the
 end ,i shall be no worse than  you     
would have me at the beginning--no1 it  
will be nothing so bad1  for then ,i    
shall not know my misery as you would   
have me know it  now4 ,if we are        
creatures of nothing1 in spite of all   
the outcry of  our souls against that   
fate1 what mighty matter is it if1 thus 
utterly befooled of ,nature1 we should  
also a little fool ourselves1  by       

believing in a lovely hope that looks   
like a promise1 and seems  as if it     
ought to be true8 ,how can a devotion to
 the facts of her  existence be required
 of one whose nature has been proved to 
her a  lie8--,you speak from the facts  
of your nature1 ,george2 ,i speak from  
the facts of mine4    ,helen had come   
awake at last6 ,it would have suited    
,george better had  she remained a      
half-quickened statue1 responsive only  
to himself1  her not over-potent        
,pygmalion4 ,he sat speechless--with his
 eyes  fixed on her4    ,you need no    
,god1 she went on1 therefore you seek   
none4 ,if you  need none1 you are right 
to seek none1 ,i dare say4 ,but ,i need 
a  ,god--oh1 ,i cannot tell how ,i need 
him1 if he be to be found6 and by  the  
same reasoning ,i will give my life to  
the search for him4 ,to the  last ,i    
will go on seeking him1 for if once ,i  
give in1 and confess  there is no ,god1 
,i shall go mad--mad1 and perhaps kill  
somebody  like poor ,poldie4 ,george1 ,i

 have said my say4 ,i would not have    
come  into the garden but to say it4    
,good-bye4    ,as she spoke she rose and
 held out her hand to him4 ,but in the  
tumult of more emotions than ,i can well
 name--amongst the rest  indignation1   
dismay1 disappointment1 pride1 and      
chagrin1 he lost  himself while         
searching in vain for words1 paid no    
heed to her  movement1 and lifted no    
hand to take that she offered4    ,with 
head erect she walked from the          
summer-house4    ,the love of a         
lifetime6--a sweet invitation6 she said 
to herself1  as with the slow step of   
restrained wrath she went up the garden4
    ,george sat for some minutes as she 
had left him4 ,then he broke the        
silence in his own ears and said1       
,well1 ,i'm damned6    ,and so he       
was--for the time--and a very good thing
 too1 for he  required it4              
,,chapter ,,xxxi4    ,,thou ,,didst     
,,not ,,leave4            ,the next day 
the curate found himself so ill at ease1

 from the  reaction after excitement of 
various kinds1 that he determined to    
give himself a holiday4 ,his notion of a
 holiday was a very simple  one3 a day  
in a deep wood1 if such could be had1   
with a volume fit  for alternate reading
 and pocketing as he might feel         
inclined4 ,of  late no volume had been  
his companion in any wanderings but his 
,new  ,testament4    ,there was a       
remnant of real old-fashioned forest on 
the ,lythe1 some  distance up3 thither  
he went by the road1 the shortest way1  
to  return by the winding course of the 
stream4 ,it was a beautiful day  of ,st4
 ,martin's summer4 ,in the forest1 if   
the leaves were gone1  there was the    
more light1 and sun and shadow played   
many a lovely  game4 ,but he saw them as
 though he saw them not1 for fear and   
hope  struggled in his heart1 and for a 
long time prayer itself could not  atone
 them4 ,at length a calm fell1 and he   
set out to return home1  down the bank  
of the river4    ,many-hued and         

many-shaped had been the thoughts1 not  
that came to  him from the forest1 but  
that he had carried thither with him3   
through all and each of them1 ever and  
again had come dawning the  face of     
,helen1 as he had seen it in church the 
day before1 where she  sat between her  
aunt and her cousin1 so unlike either4  
,for1 to their  annoyance1 she had      
insisted on going to church1 and to     
hers1 they  had refused to let her go   
alone4 ,and in her face the curate had  
seen  something he had never seen there 
until then1--a wistful look1 as if  now 
she would be glad to pick up any        
suitable crumb to carry home  with her4 
,in that dawn of coming childhood1      
though he dared not yet  altogether     
believe it such1 the hard contemptuous  
expression of  ,bascombe's countenance1 
and the severe disapproval in ,mrs4     
,ramshorn's1 were entirely lost upon    
him4    ,all the way down the river1 the
 sweet change haunted him4 ,when he  got
 into the park1 and reached that hollow 

betwixt the steep ferny  slopes where he
 sat on the day with which my narrative 
opens1 he  seated himself again on the  
same stone1 and reviewed the past twelve
  months4 ,this was much such a day as  
that1 only the hour was  different3 it  
was the setting sun that now shone upon 
the ferns1 and  cast shadows from them  
big enough for oaks4 ,what a change had 
passed  upon him6 ,that day the ,new    
,testament had been the book of the     
church--this day it was a fountain of   
living waters to the man  ,thomas       
,wingfold4 ,he had not opened his       
,horace for six months4 ,great  trouble 
he had had2 both that and its results   
were precious4 ,now a  new trouble had  
come1 but that also was a form of life3 
he would  rather love and suffer and    
love still1 a thousand times rather1    
than  return to the poverty of not      
knowing ,helen ,lingard2 yet a thousand 
times rather would he forget ,helen     
,lingard than lose from his heart  one  
word of the ,master1 whose love was the 

root and only pledge and  security of   
love1 the only power that could glorify 
it--could  cleanse it from the mingled  
selfishness that wrought for its final  
decay and death4    ,the sun was down   
ere he left the park1 and the twilight  
was rapidly  following the sun as he    
drew near to the ,abbey on his way home4
  ,suddenly1 more like an odour than a  
sound1 he heard the organ1 he  thought4 
,never yet had he heard it on a         
week-day3 the organist was  not of those
 who haunt their instrument4 ,often of  
late had the  curate gazed on that organ
 as upon a rock filled with sweet       
waters1  before which he stood a ,moses 
without his rod2 sometimes the solemn   
instrument appeared to him a dumb       
,jeremiah that sat there from  ,sunday  
to ,sunday1 all the week long1 with his 
head bowed upon his  hands1 and not a   
,jebusite to listen to him3 if only his 
fingers had  been taught the craft1 he  
thought1 how his soul would pour itself 
out through the song-tubes of that      

tabernacle of sweetness and  prayer1 and
 on the blast of its utterance ascend to
 the throne of  the most high6 ,who     
could it be that was now peopling the   
silence of  the vast church with        
melodious sounds1 worshipping creatures 
of the  elements8 ,if the winds and the 
flames of fire are his augels1 how  much
 more the grandly consorting tones of   
the heavenly organ6 ,he  would go and   
see what power informed the vaporous    
music4    ,he entered the church by one 
of the towers1 in which a stair led     
skyward1 passing the neighbourhood of   
the organ1 and having a door  to its    
loft4 ,as he ascended1 came a pause in  
the music2--and then1  like the breaking
 up of a summer cloud in the heavenliest
 of  rain-showers1 began the prelude to 
the solo in the ,messiah1 ,,thou        
,,didst ,,not ,,leave ,,his ,,soul ,,in 
,,hell4 ,up still the curate crept      
softly4  ,all at once a rich full       
contralto voice--surely he had heard it 
before--came floating out on the        

torrent1 every tone bearing a word  of  
sorrowful triumph in its bosom4    ,he  
reached the door4 ,very gently he opened
 it1 and peeped in4 ,but  the back of   
the organ was towards him1 and he could 
see nothing4 ,he  stepped upon the tiles
 of the little apse4 ,one stride cleared
 the  end of the organ1 and he saw the  
face of the singer3 it ,,was ,helen     
,lingard6    ,she started4 ,the music   
folded its wings and dropped--like a    
lark  into its nest4 ,but ,helen        
recovered herself at once1 rose from her
  ministration at the music-altar1 and  
approached the curate4    ,have ,i taken
 too great a liberty8 she said1 in a    
gentle1 steady  voice4    ,no1 surely1  
he answered4 ,i am sorry ,i startled    
you4 ,i wish you  would wake such sounds
 oftener4    ,he didn't leave my        
brother's soul in hell1 did he1 ,mr4    
,wingfold8  she said abruptly1 and her  
eyes shone through the dusk4    ,if ever
 a soul was taken out of hell1 it was   
,leopold's1 returned  the curate4 ,and  

it lifts mine out of it too1 he added1  
to hear  you say so4    ,i behaved very 
badly to you4 ,i confess my fault4 ,will
 you forgive  me8 she said4    ,i love  
you too much to be able to forgive you3 
that was the word  in the curate's      
heart1 but a different found its way to 
his lips4    ,my heart is open to you1  
,miss ,lingard1 he said3 take what      
forgiveness you think you need4 ,for    
what ,i can tell1 it may be my  part to 
ask forgiveness1 not to grant it4 ,if ,i
 have been harder to  you than there was
 need1 ,i pray you to forgive me4       
,perhaps ,i did not  enter enough into  
your difficulties4    ,you never said   
one word more than was right1 or harder 
than ,i  deserved4 ,alas6 ,i can no     
more--in this world at least--ask       
,leopold  to forgive me1 but ,i can ask 
you and ,mr4 ,polwarth1 who were as the 
angels of ,god to him1 to pardon me for 
him and for yourselves too4 ,i  was     
obstinate and proud and selfish4--,oh1  
,mr4 ,wingfold1 can you1 do  you really 

believe that ,leopold is somewhere8 ,is 
he alive this  moment8 ,shall ,i        
ever--ever--,i don't mind if it's a     
thousand years  first--but shall ,i     
,,ever see him again8    ,i do think so4
 ,i think the story must be true that   
tells us ,jesus  took to himself again  
the body he left on the cross1 and      
brought it  with him out of its grave4  
,will you take me for a pupil--a        
disciple--and teach me to  believe--or  
hope1 if you like that word better--as  
you do8 said  ,helen humbly4    ,how the
 heart of the curate beat--like the drum
 of a praising  orchestra6    ,dear     
,miss ,lingard1 he answered1 very       
solemnly1 ,i can teach you  nothing2 ,i 
can but show you where ,i found what has
 changed my life  from a bleak ,november
 to a sunny ,june--with its             
thunder-storms no  doubt--but still     
,june beside ,november4 ,perhaps ,i     
could help you a  little if you were    
really set out to find ,jesus1 but you  
must  yourself set out4 ,it is you who  

must find him4 ,words of mine1 as the   
voice of one crying in the wilderness1  
may let you know that one is  near who  
thinks he sees him1 but it is you who   
must search1 and you  who must find4 ,if
 you do search1 you will find1 with or  
without help  of mine4--,but it is      
getting dark4--,you have the key of the 
north  door1 ,i suppose8    ,yes4       
,then will you lock the door1 and take  
the key to ,mrs4 ,jenkins4 ,i  will stay
 here a while1 and then follow you home1
 if you will allow  we1 where we can    
have a little talk together4 ,ah1 what  
an anthem the  silent organ will play   
for me6    ,helen turned and went down  
into the church1 and thence home4       
,the curate remained with the organ4 ,it
 was silent1 and so were his  lips1 but 
his heart--the music was not latent     
there1 for his praise  and thanksgiving 
ascended1 without voice or instrument1  
essential  harmony1 to the ear that     
hears thought1 and the heart that       
vibrates  to every chord of feeling in  

the hearts it has created4 ,ah6 what is 
it we send up thither1 where our        
thoughts are either a dissonance or  a  
sweetness and a grace8 ,alone in the    
dusky church1 the curate's  ascended    
like a song of the angels1 for his heart
 was all a  thanksgiving--not for any   
perfected gift1 but for many a lovely   
hope4 ,he knelt down by the organ and   
worshipped the ,god and ,father  of the 
,lord ,jesus ,christ--that ,god and no  
other was the ,god of his  expectation4 
,when he rose from his knees1 the church
 was dark1 but  through the windows of  
the clerestory many stars were shining4 
,,the ,,end4